Podcasts about hi david

You might have seen these texts before. The scam starts innocently enough. Maybe it's a "Long time no see" or "Hello" or "How are you." For investigative reporter Zeke Faux it was – "Hi David, I'm Vicky Ho. Don't you remember me?" Many people ignore them. But Zeke responded. He wanted to get scammed. This led him on a journey halfway around the world to find out who is sending him random wrong number texts and why. After you hear this story, you'll never look at these messages the same way again.To hear the full episode check out Search Engine's website. Search Engine was created by P.J. Vogt and Sruthi Pinnamaneni. This episode was produced by Garrott Graham and Noah John. It was fact-checked by Sean Merchant. Theme, original composition, and mixing by Armin Bazarian. Search Engine's executive producers are Jenna Weiss-Berman and Leah Reis-Dennis.Find more Planet Money: Facebook / Instagram / TikTok / Our weekly Newsletter.Listen free at these links: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, the NPR app or anywhere you get podcasts.Help support Planet Money and hear our bonus episodes by subscribing to Planet Money+ in Apple Podcasts or at plus.npr.org/planetmoney.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

448: Ask David, featuring Adam Hollman Relationship woes--what should I do? How can animals have feelings if they can't think? How often should I fill out the Daily Mood Log? Why can't husbands express their feelings?   Today we are joined by Adam Holman, LCSW. Adam has recently left his full time clinical practice in Arizona to join our Feeling Great app team here in San Francisco. I think you'll be delighted by his warmth and wisdom. Although he works with us full-time, he still practices one day per week and specializes in X depression, anxiety, and screen addiction(e.g. video game addiction and more.) He has appeared on two previous Feeling Good Podcasts, # X and # Y. We are delighted to have Adam as the honored guest on today's Ask David podcast! Here are the questions for today's Ask David. They were all written before the podcast. If you listen to the podcast, you will get much more information and perspective. The Questions Hello Dr Burns. I hope you are doing well. I participated in the webinar held on 18th of April. It was a good experience for me and I would like to thank you and your team in arranging for that. Far asks: if You have a relationship problem, but also feel inadequate. Should you use the Daily Mood Log for the internal problem of inadequacy and the Relationship Journal for the actual dialogue? Moritz points out that animals, who don't think in words, still have intense emotional reactions, including fear and anger. For example, when a deer spots a predator, like a cayote, it feels terror and instantly runs to get away. Doesn't this prove that terrifying events can cause feelings directly? In other words, that makes it seem like thoughts or cognitions are NOT necessary to feel emotions. What do you think? Rob asks: How often do you fill out your own daily mood journals? Do you do one every day? Would you be willing to share recent examples of your own journals with podcast listeners? Brittany asks: Why won't my husband share his feelings? (Or, we could ask, why can't men express their feelings?)  The Answers 1. Far asks: If you have a relationship problem, but also feel inadequate. Should you use the Daily Mood Log for the internal problem of inadequacy and the Relationship Journal for the actual dialogue? Hello Dr Burns. I hope you are doing well. I participated in the webinar held on 18th of April. It was a good experience for me, and I would like to thank you and your team for arranging it. May I ask a question? When there is a relationship problem it should be addressed by the relationship journal and interpersonal downward arrow and not by the cognitive method as far as I know. What about when there is a relationship problem together with strong feelings of depression and frustration as a result of an internal dialogue of being inadequate and defective. Should this component be addressed by the cognitive method and straightforward technique? Thanks a lot. Far Kom David's Reply This one just came in, so we'll answer it live.   2. Moritz: Are thoughts REALLY necessary to have emotional reactions to events? Hi David, first of all, thank you for the podcast, and in particular for answering my question about how you help people with schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, which came out a few weeks or months ago. I just finished listening to episode 430, where you stated that that negative thoughts can cause negative emotions (this part I'm totally on board with), but also hypothesized that probably only negative thoughts cause negative emotions. Did I understand that correctly? (If not, please ignore the rest of this email, it won't make any sense). I'm kinda confused about this claim. This is totally not my area of expertise, but I'm under the impression that fear is much older and more "primitive" than (at least conscious) thought, from an evolutionary point of view. It would seem unlikely that an old evolutionary feature in the brain would only be triggered from a newer feature. My other source of confusion comes from my own comparison with animals. It is my impression that basically all mammals show some kind of fear response, but we don't attribute thoughts to all of them, never mind full-blown self-reflective, conscious thoughts. So at least in the mammals with simpler brains, it seems likely that fear (and other negative emotions) could be triggered pretty directly without going through negative thoughts first, and it would also be quite surprising if we didn't all contain the same mechanisms, since we share most of our neural architecture with all mammals. Do you think these considerations are valid, and if yes, are they compatible with your approach? After listening to your podcast, my own mental model of negative emotions is something like this: stimuli can cause negative emotions directly; this happens in all mammals when the stimulus goes away, negative emotions also ebb and go away after a certain time, unless something keeps them alive in humans (and likely in at least some mammals), thoughts also can trigger emotions, and so they can disable the natural dampening of negative emotions. This mental model might explain satisfy both the evolutionary considerations, and explain the data you've gathered from the Feeling Great app. I admit I feel a bit silly writing you this, because you spend so much more mental energy on these topics, so it seems unlikely I have anything to contribute that you and your team didn't think of. So, sorry for the long rambling, and I hope you still find something interesting in it, or maybe you can clear up some of my confusion about your model. Best regards, Moritz David's reply Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I think they are awesome, and definitely not “silly.” Here's my take on it, for what it's worth, and I just speculate, too. All animals, including human animals, have perceptions. When a dear spots a cayote, the "stimulus" is a perception of a dangerous predator. This "cognition" triggers the emotion. People think cognition means sentences involving words, but my understanding is quite different. The idea is that any kind of conscious perception can trigger emotions, including sudden fear or anxiety. The perception might simply be an image, which is also a type of cognition or perception, that can suddenly trigger great fear. When I see a rock climber on TV, this "picture" or “perception” stimulates a powerful physiological fear reaction. That's because I "see" the picture as being incredibly dangerous and imagine falling. Thanks, david Might use as an ask David follow up, if that's okay! Moritz replies Ok, "simple" cognition without explicit thought can be enough to trigger emotion, got it. Feel free to use that as an Ask David if you want. Regards, Moritz David's final reply Thanks, yes, it is the perception of danger that triggers the fear. Terrific! As another example, you could argue that when the airplanes flex into the World Trade Center in New York on 9/11, everyone felt terrified, horrified, and devastated, and it was the event that caused these feelings. Doesn't this prove that thoughts, or cognitions, are not required to have powerful feelings? It would seem like you didn't have to put a thought in your mind to feel fearful when watching the horrifying images on TV. What do you think, Moritz? Well, here's my answer. It is not true that everyone had the same feelings watching that horrifying scene. We all had our own unique reactions, depending on how we were thinking about it. And of course, some people felt joy, glee, and more, and did NOT have negative feelings. That's because they thought about the event quite differently. For example, Osama Bin Lauden and his followers when watching were delighted, and like thinking, “Those Americans finally got what they deserved!” Same event—radically different emotional reactions. All of your emotions result from your thoughts. The positive and negative events of our lives do not, and cannot, affect us directly. We have to interpret the event first and give it meaning. Thanks! David   3. Rob asks: How often should you do Daily Mood Logs? Do YOU fill out your own Daily Mood Logs? Hello Rhonda and David: I hope you're both doing well. I'm a long-time listener to your podcast, and I shared an endorsement that you included in podcast episode 333 about two years ago. While listening to an episode recently, some questions occurred to me that I wanted to share with you. How often do you fill out your own daily mood journals? Do you do one every day? Would you be willing to share recent examples of your own journals with podcast listeners? I can understand how you might not want to do this and certainly respect your right to privacy, but I thought also it might be interesting for listeners to hear. I would be honored if you would share your thoughts with me when you have a moment. Rob Robinson All the replies to this excellent question will be spontaneous and live on the podcast.   4. Brittany asks: Why can't my husband express his feelings? Hi Dr. Burns, I have a question. This is something that frequently comes up in arguments with my husband. Here is an example from yesterday: Me after finding out he was upset the night before I said: “Why did you tell me everything was fine and it's all in my head if you were upset?” Husband: I shouldn't have to tell you. You should be better at reading me. I feel annoyed because when I did ask him if he was upset the night before, he denied it then put the blame on me the next day that I should be able to read his mind. That doesn't seem fair. I don't suppose I could put that in my five secrets response though as it wouldn't make the problem better. What do you think? I guess I should probably do the relationship journal. -Brittany David's reply Hi Brittany, Here's my quick assessment. Your first statement to him when he said he'd been upset sounded a bit blaming. In other words, he was trying to express his feelings openly and told you he'd actually been feeling upset. And you immediately punished him. Can you see that? In other words, you said: “Why did you tell me everything was fine and it's all in my head if you were upset?” Can you see that when he confided that he had been feeling upset, you blamed him for not telling you the night before. He might have felt scolded, put down. What do you think about that? And could that be why he has trouble expressing his feelings? Can I use this on an Ask David, with your first name or with a fake name? And yes, you can use the Relationship Journal on situations like this! For sure! Go for it! Sorry if this sounds harsh or direct. You know, I hope, that I have tremendous regard for you! David Other ideas include: When we blame others, we are nearly always CAUSING the very problem we are complaining about. Our anger and frustration nearly always results from “Should Statements.” In other words, he “should” have expressed his feelings sooner, and better, etc. This sounds like you expect him to be some ideal husband, rather than a real husband. I sometimes also have trouble expressing my feelings, or even knowing clearly what or who I'm upset with, or why. And I always appreciate a little bit of help at figuring that out!

David, Matt, and Rhonda Answer Your Questions! What's the One-Minute Drill work? How does it work? What's Memory Rescripting? How does it work? How can I endure boring and irrelevant college work? Aaron asks: How do you do the One Minute Drill? Aaron asks how and why Memory Rescripting helped a college student overcome her fears of public transportation (e.g. agoraphobia). Gray asks: How can I endure having to do boring work in college and beyond? Two questions from Aaron W. C. who is a Licensed Master Social Worker in Idaho, and said, “I look forward to the podcast.” 1. Hi Dr. Burns, Can you share how you do the one-minute drill? In When Panic Attacks, you only mentioned the name but not how it works. Thank you, Aaron W. California David's reply We'll explain and demonstrate it on the podcast. It's a partially helpful tool for troubled couples who argue and fail to listen. 2. Hi Dr. Burns, I completed rereading When Panic Attacks yesterday night. I have a question about one of the case examples you mentioned. In the book, you mention a patient that has a phobia of taking public transportation. She did the reimagination exercise of picturing herself castrating the men that harmed her roommate and branded the man that hurt her as a child. If remember right, the book does not link using the "reimagination exercise" to overcoming her fear of taking public transportation. How did the reimagination exercise help her overcome the fear of taking public transportation? I have reread the book two times this year! Thank you, Aaron W. California---LMSW (Idaho) David's reply I am happy to include your question on an upcoming Feeling Good Podcast. Can I use your first name? Thanks! I can answer two of your questions, and can even demonstrate the one-minute drill, and discuss its uses and limitations. Best, david 3. Gray asks about feeling better about post-secondary education Hi David, I struggle with intense anger, frustration, and depression while doing college coursework, with recurring thoughts like, “This is pointless,” “This work is for nobody, ” "I'm just working to work," "I'm being hazed," and “I profoundly don't care!” I'm interested in law school because I'd love being a lawyer, but I worry that I won't be mentally healthy in that environment. Many lawyers say 80+% of law school is irrelevant and doesn't adequately prepare you to practice law or even to pass the Bar, so I expect similar frustrations would resurface. I've looked into this very carefully and I'm convinced that the basic substance of my thoughts has bulletproof empirical grounding (outside of STEM, for sure). How could I manage these distortions when I'm in the midst of law school homework? P.S. I'm quite hostile to appeals about how I would actually learn important things in class or about developing resilience for its own sake, so I'd prefer to avoid that line of thinking unless it's really important. Thank you, Gray David's reply Can you give me an example of one of your negative thoughts. They always contain some truth, by the way. Perhaps you're trapped in a Hidden Should Statement. Are you wanting to feel happy about having to do boring homework, or are you wanting not to have to do boring homework? What's your goal, in other words. All therapeutic failure, just about, is due to a failure of agenda setting. In other words, reducing resistance is the key prior to crushing distortions. Warmly, david There is certainly a great deal of irrelevant stuff one has to plow through to get a college or graduate degree, for sure. So there seems to be a lot of wisdom in your negative thoughts and feelings. I guess my question would be, what type of help, if any, are you looking for? Best, david Gray responds Subject: Re: Feeling better about post-secondary education My hidden should statements are something like "I shouldn't have to do this." and" I should be able to prove myself by doing real work instead". I am hoping to be able to do lots of boring/irrelevant homework and be okay about it, not even necessarily happy. Then I could go to law school and be in passable mental health. Thanks again! Gray David Replies Well, you're right on all counts, including “I shouldn't have to do this.” In fact, you DON'T “have to” do it. And if you do stick with it, there's no rule that says you have to stop whining and complaining! I made the choice of going to medical school and hated it. Worst medical student they had. But I had to complete medical school and psychiatric residency in order to become a psychiatrist. Don't think I learned much of anything in medical school or psychiatric residency that ever really helped any of my patients at that time. But now I have a life I really enjoy, although there are still negatives I have to put up with. Warmly, david One last thing to add. The boring, trivial work does not upset you. Only your distorted thoughts can upset you. The truth in your thoughts is real but does not upset you. You are saying that you SHOULD NOT have to do trivial boring work. Where did you get that idea. Did you think you were entitled to a universe that conforms to your demands? Why should the world be the way you want it to be? There's an irritating voice in your brain that keeps telling you that you should have to do this and you shouldn't have to do that. That voice is your enemy, your source of angst, and not the actual work. So, your first step is to make a decision, perhaps two Cost-Benefit Analyses. The first might be the Advantages and Disadvantages of loudly protesting and insisting it SHOULDN'T be this way. There will be many advantages and a few disadvantages as well. Now balance the Adv against the Dis on a 100 point scale at the bottom, putting the higher number under the column that feels the more desirable or impactful. For example, if the ADV are a lot greater, your two numbers might be 70-30. Then you might do a second CBS listing the Advantages and Disadvantages of ACCEPTING the fact that school often sucks. There may be some advantages and a few disadvantages as well. Now balance the Adv against the Dis on a 100 point scale at the bottom, putting the higher number under the column that feels the more desirable or impactful. For example, if the DIS of acceptance are a lot greater, your two numbers might be 25-75. Send me your two analyses when you're done! If you come to the unlikely decision that acceptance is preferably to shoulding on yourself, there are lots of strategies that might help. But I'd need to know where you stand first, or the methods would be a waste of time. Anger, unlike most negative feelings, is highly addictive, and most people don't want to let go of it. You could also do Positive Reframing of your anger and negative thoughts, which is super powerful, but this is getting a bit long. Best, david David follow-up for podcast audience: As far as I can tell, Gray didn't respond to my email. Sad!

Ask  David With Special Guest Expert, Dr. Matthew May Daily Mood Log: Does it have to be done perfectly? Somatic Complaints: How does TEAM Help?  Passive Aggression: What distortions cause it? Roger, from Australia, asks: Do daily mood logs still work if you complete them ‘imperfectly'? Roger also asks: Based on your clinical experience, what causes a reduction or complete elimination of in symptoms for people who present with somatic complaints or chronic pain? TOZ asks: Does passive aggressive behavior result from All-or-Nothing Thinking? The answers below were written prior to the show, based on correspondence with those who asked the questions. The live answers on the show will be different in many cases.  1, Roger, from Australia, asks: Do daily mood logs still work if you complete them ‘imperfectly'? 2. Roger also asks: Based on your clinical experience, what causes a reduction or complete elimination of symptoms for people who present with somatic complaints or chronic pain? Dear David, Sure, I would love to have my questions be on an Ask David! It would be okay for you to use my real name and my location as being in Australia for the podcast and show notes. I've reworded the questions so that they get across what I was actually trying to ask in my previous email. You might now have a slightly different response based on the new questions. I have to apologise as my wording in my previous email was confusing, even for me. Here's a shorter version of the first question: “Dear David, I've got a question about doing daily mood logs as part of my psychotherapy homework. I tend to start a lot of new daily mood logs where I write my negative emotions and thoughts, as well as do positive reframing, but then get stuck when it comes to doing methods for challenging my negative thoughts, as I get caught up on trying to do the exercise perfectly. I get worried that I won't see as much benefit from the exercise if I don't do the steps perfectly or in order. Did you see improvements in patients who filled out their daily mood logs imperfectly? Perhaps they may have skipped steps or maybe they couldn't crush their negative thoughts completely, but continued to move on to working with new thoughts and seeing if they could crush those.” An even shorter version of the question would be: “Do daily mood logs still work if you complete them ‘imperfectly'?” A shorter version of the question about somatic complaints and pain is: “I've also got a question on treating somatic symptoms and chronic pain. Some clinicians have seen people improve by doing journalling or expressive writing about life stressors such as past stressors, current stressors, and self-limiting behaviours or beliefs. Other activities which seem to be useful include writing unsent letters to people who've hurt you, or doing behavioural changes for self-limiting beliefs like learning how to designate free time for yourself if you have a tendency to take on too much or feel guilty about spending time relaxing and not doing work. I was wondering what you've seen in your clinical experience and what you've seen patients do which helps them reduce or eliminate their somatic symptoms and chronic pain?" An even shorter version of that question would be: “Based on your clinical experience, what causes a reduction or complete elimination of in symptoms for people who present with somatic complaints or chronic pain?" Regards, Roger He David's reply Thanks, these short versions are a big improvement. Here are the quick answers: The critical thing is to come up with one or more positive thoughts that are 100% true, and that reduce your belief in the negative thought. If you send a specific example, it would help. There are several rules about getting workable negative thoughts as well. Perfection is never possible in the universe of daily mood logs, but excellence certainly is. A change in belief in neg thoughts is the goal. In my experience, somatic complaints, such as undiagnosed pain, dizziness, fatigue, and more, are often created or magnified by (or the expression of) negative emotions, as well as hidden emotions / problems. The average reduction of pain, for example, will be 50% if there is a dramatic reduction in negative feelings, or if the patient identifies and tackles some unexpressed problem, like anger, or unexpressed grief, or loneliness when the kids go off to college, and so forth. An average of 50% means that some people will experience a complete elimination of the negative symptoms, like pain. Some will experience no improvement. And some will experience some improvement. With regard to how or why this works, I don't really know, and don't think that anyone knows. But it seems like negative feelings, like depression, anxiety, anger and so forth have a magnifying effect on negative feelings. On the podcast, I can give a personal example of when I was in the Stanford emergency room, screaming in pain from a broken jaw. I can also give an example of what happens to my low back pain when I am in an especially good mood and I am out jogging. Best, David 3. TOZ asks: Does passive aggressive behavior result from All-or-Nothing Thinking? Hi David, I thought my therapist will tell me once he gets to know me that I'm passive aggressive and therefore I do things particularly anxiety disease as all or nothing black or white.  I was wondering for you not to answer my case but in general does passive aggressive attitudes or approaches result from all or nothing thinking? Thanks, Toz David's reply. Thanks, Toz. Great question! To find out, you would have to do what I have recommended for nearly 50 years. Write down your negative thought on a piece of paper (can you do that?) and identify the distortions in it, using my lit of ten cognitive distortions. Let me know if you've done this. Most people refuse to do it! Warmly, david Toz replies: So I did your exercise. My thoughts were: I'm crashing.  Help I'm scared.  I'm going to die.  Help me laud.  Help me laud. Distortions:  predicting the future.  Magnification How is that? I looked up. Saw that was fine. Felt better. Then I checked my pulse.  Not too fast so okay. Toz. David's reply to Toz, That, Toz, is totally cool! Way to go! Could also add: Emotional Reasoning. You identified two super important distortions that are always present in fear, paranoia and anxiety. Cool, cool, cool! David's comment: This is why I ask for specific examples when people ask general questions. As you can see, Toz asked about passive aggression, but his specific example turned out to be all about something entirely different: anxiety and panic. He did a great job of testing his negative thoughts with the Experimental Technique. Warmly, Rhonda, Matt,  and David

Waking Up Dreading the Day Mother-Daughter Problems Patients Who Are Afraid of Their Feelings Romantic Problems, and More Questions for today: Rose asks: I wake up dreading the day. What can I do?! Maggie integrates TEAM-CBT with prayer and asks for help with mother / daughter issues. Simon asks: “How can we deal with patients who are afrad of their feelings?” Amanda asks: “Help! I have a romantic relationship conflict! What should I do?” Aaron asks: Why are feelings of depression and anxiety correlated? In other words, why do they frequently go hand in hand? The following questions and answers were written prior to the live podcast. Make sure you listen to the podcast to get the full answers, including role-play demonstrations, and so forth.   Rose asks: I wake up dreading the day. What can I do?! Hi David, I've been reading your book, "Feeling Good," for help with my anxiety ever since my 100-year-old mom moved in with me.  Your techniques are helping, but every morning I wake up anxious, dreading starting my day.  Is there a technique to help with this? I really am working to change my thoughts from negative to more positive thanks to you. I look forward to hearing from you. Rose David's reply In my book, Feeling Good, I urge people to write down your negative thoughts, and emphasize that it won't work very well unless you do this. Many people refuse. How about you? What were the thoughts you wrote down when you woke up feeling upset and dreading your day. Could use as an Ask David on a podcast if you like. Best, david Rose wrote: Thanks for your speedy reply.  I'm new at this and just started reading the book yesterday, but I will start writing down my thoughts.  Thanks for your help. Maggie integrates TEAM-CBT with prayer and asks for help with mother / daughter issues. Dear Dr. Burns, I want to begin by expressing my deep gratitude for your work, which has had a profound impact on my life. Your book Feeling Good: The Workbook helped me overcome a very dark period of depression after being diagnosed with infertility. It truly transformed my mental health, and I continue to rely on your techniques—especially your list of cognitive distortions, which I use often to stay grounded. Your podcast has also been a great resource for me, and I've noticed recent episodes touching on the self and spirituality, which caught my attention in a special way. I felt compelled to share something personal with you. While your methods gave me the tools to change my thinking, I also found solace and strength through my faith. Prayer was an essential part of my healing process, and for me, it provided something beyond my own power. In moments when I felt I couldn't make it through on my own, the belief that there is a God I can turn to brought me peace and comfort. Both your work and my faith were crucial in my journey. Your research and teachings helped me take control of my thoughts, but my relationship with God gave me hope when I needed it most. I believe that the combination of these two—your scientifically backed methods and the power of prayer—made a tremendous difference in my recovery. I'm also excited about your app, but as someone living in Honduras, I was unable to download it. I would love to know if there are plans to make it available outside the U.S. in the near future, as it would be an incredible resource for me and others in similar situations. Lastly, can I make a suggestion for a podcast subject?  Mother daughter issues. I really need help in this area of my life. Thank you for your dedication to helping others. I hope that sharing my experience offers some insight into how both your studies and faith in something greater can bring peace and healing. With gratitude, Maggie David's reply Thanks, and we'd love to read part of your beautiful note, with or without your correct first name, on a podcast. If you can give me a more specific example of the mother daughter issue you want help with, it would make it much easier to respond in a sensible way! Warmly, david Maggie responded Dear Dr. Burns, Thank you so much for your thoughtful response and for asking me to clarify my suggestion regarding mother-daughter issues. I deeply love my mother, and I know she means well, but our relationship has become increasingly challenging as she gets older. One of the major difficulties I face is her tendency to offer passive-aggressive criticism, which leaves me feeling undermined. I've always known her to be this way—she was never very affectionate, and I've gotten used to that. However, lately, it feels like it's getting worse. She's hard of hearing, even with a hearing aid, and often adopts a “my way or the highway” attitude, which makes conversations with her exhausting. Simple moments where I hope to share something exciting are often met with dismissive or critical remarks. Here are three examples of the kind of interactions that affect me: I recently purchased tickets for a trip to Australia with friends, and her response was to ridicule my choice, saying that Spain or Italy is a much more beautiful destination. I had just bought the tickets, and all I wanted was for her to share in my excitement. I sent her a picture of a new piece of art I was excited about, and her immediate reaction was, “I liked the other one better. That one doesn't match the color of the walls.” As I was about to leave for a party with my husband, she commented, “Don't you think you're wearing too much makeup?” These kinds of remarks constantly make me feel inadequate, and it's emotionally draining. As a result, I've found myself avoiding calling or visiting her. However, this leads to feelings of guilt, especially because I love my father very much, I enjoy his peaceful company and wise conversation and advice, and not visiting them also affects my relationship with him. What I struggle with most is that I know I might regret not spending enough time with her as she gets older, even though she isn't sick or dying. I just don't know how to manage the criticism without feeling constantly undermined, and I'd appreciate any advice you might offer on how to navigate this dynamic while preserving my sense of self-worth. Thank you again for your time and for the incredible impact your work has had on my life. With gratitude, Maggie David's reply I notice you're pointing the finger of blame at her. If you want to shift things, it can be helpful to examine your role. I'm attaching a copy of the Relationship Journal. Please do three of these, one for each example below. You already have half of Step 1—what, exactly, did she say. To complete Step 1, circle all the feelings you think she may have been feeling. Then complete Steps 2 and 3, which should be fairly easy. Then I can take a look, and we'll see what we can figure out, if you'd like. Also, this will not be therapy, but general teaching. LMK if that's okay. Best, david Here are the three examples she provided, along with how she responded to her mom: Three Maggie examples of interactions with her mother (Ask David podcast) #1 Mom said: Dear, I would never have thought of Australia as a destination. I would much rather fly to Italy or Spain, filled with culture, art, and great food. Sydney would be the LAST place I'd want to visit! I replied: Well, mom, we've already been to those places, and we love a great adventure, and we're really excited by the outdoors. #2 Just as we were about to leave, Mom said: “Don't you think you're wearing too much make up?” I replied: I probably am, I didn't notice (and rushed immediately to my room to remove it.) #3 I share a piece of art I brought home, and Mom said: “I liked the one you had before. It matched the walls much better than this one. Why did you change it? Who is the artist?” I replied: “Well, we have to like it because it's the only wall in the house where it will fit, so we're just going to have to live with it.” Simon asks: “How can we deal with patients who are afraid of their feelings?” Dear Dr. David Burns, Hi, my name is Simon and I'm a clinical psychologist from Chile, sorry if my English is kind of broken, it isn't my first language. First of all, I want to tell you how grateful I am for your great work and all the knowledge you give to the general public for free. Of course I also must praise the work of the entire team working at the podcast (which I am the biggest fan from my country). I hope one day I can be a certified team cbt therapist myself in the future, but that would be a different story. I think the world needs more people with such a love for mental health and I hope I can continue to listen to your content for more years to come. Today I wanted to ask you guys some questions related to feelings. I have applied some techniques to myself and my patients and it's really mind blowing noticing how effective they are. Nevertheless, I still have one patient who struggles with accepting or permitting himself to feel his feelings. He is grieving the loss of his father and he is very good convincing me that if he does feel his sadness or anxiety (as I suggested him), he may go crazy and commit suicide. He reports good empathy from me, but I'm afraid that he may be too nice to criticize me. So, I ask for your opinion: How can we deal with patients who are afraid of their feelings? How can we build a solid relationship with our patients regarding this subject so they can finally vent these feelings? Thank you all for all the hard work and have a great day! With Love, Simon David's answer Hi Simone, Thanks for your kind words, and may want to use your question on an Ask David. LMK if that's okay. Here's the quick answer. It sounds like venting feelings is your agenda. Nearly all therapeutic failure comes from well-intentioned therapists who try to “help” or “rescue” the patient. I get the best results working on the things my patients want help with. Rhonda has a free weekly group on Wednesdays at mid-morning, and I have a free weekly training group at Stanford on Tuesday evenings (5 to 7 PM California time.) You'd be welcome to join either. Best, david Amanda asks: “Help! I have a romantic relationship conflict! What should I do?” Hi Dr Burns! Firstly, I would like to thank you for your tremendous work and heart to help people who are suffering from depression & anxiety around the world. I found your book in 2021 through a YouTube video you did with Tom Bilyeu and the rest was history. I went down to our local bookstore to get Feeling Good and I was reading it everywhere I went. It saved my life and cured my anxiety! Every time I hit a roadblock, I will go back to the book and try the techniques. I also love the podcasts as they have been very helpful for me. Shoutout to Rhonda and Dr Matt May too! I currently face an issue and would like to submit it as a question for Ask David series. Please address me as Amanda. I am in a stable and committed relationship (for 8 years) but am facing issues with my boyfriend which causes resentment between us. Meanwhile, a friend pursued me despite knowing that I am in a relationship. He told me during a meetup that he felt attracted to me and asked if I will choose him if I am single. I was attracted to this guy as he is confident, funny and carefree, which are qualities that I desire and find lacking in myself. I like him but I know that he is not a good match for me because of his actions and behaviour. The actions seemed manipulative and reflected some narcissistic tendencies. At the start, he would text me frequently then the messages became short when I declined to meet up on a 1-1 basis with him as I want to protect my own relationship. He would drop me a short message every week, using intermittent reinforcement, to ask me how I am doing and then asked if we could meet up for a meal. Example 1: Guy-"Lunch?" Me-"Ok if it's with the group." Guy-"Ok." End of communication. Example 2: Guy-"How are you recently?" Me- "I am feeling better, thanks for checking in!" Guy- "Thumbs up emoji" End of conversation. If I initiate a meetup to run errands or for a meal, he would accept it readily. In a way, there is only communication and interaction when we meet up and I know this is not a healthy interaction or something that I want. Fast forward, I ignored him and he is in a relationship now but our dynamics remain the same. If I reached out to him for a meal, he would respond and behave in a caring way when we met. He offered to buy food for me when I was sick and find ways to continue to meet up. I feel that this guy is just trying to get me as it gives him an ego boost (and thrill) that I care for him even though I am in a committed relationship. In our last meetup recently, I made sure to record how I felt and noticed that the satisfaction level has gone down to about 60% as compared to  previously when I was eager to meet him. I would like to reduce it to 10% or even 0%. I also recorded my satisfaction level when I did things alone or with my boyfriend. I realized that my satisfaction/pleasure level is higher and more consistent when I do things that I set out to do on my own and there are times it is enhanced/lowered when I spend time with my boyfriend. Using the daily mood log, the upsetting event is: I will ignore this friend for a period of time then I will go back to the same communication and meetup with him. Then, I'm stuck in the same dynamic again. My negative thoughts are: I will never be able to get out of this. I am doomed. I have no power or control, he has all the power. People always take advantage of me because I'm weak. I am a loser because I keep going back. I will never be happy again since I cannot overcome this. Things will be as such. This chapter will leave a mark on my life and I will be miserable. I am a horrible person for allowing myself to fall for someone while being in a relationship. I have been re-reading the chapter in Feeling Good on love addiction and spending more time with myself to build a relationship with myself so that I can be happy alone. I am also using the cost benefit analysis to melt my own resistance so that I do not go back but I do not seem to be able to totally defeat the negative thoughts above. I hope to receive some guidance related to this on the podcast if possible. Thank you so much! Love, Amanda David's Reply Hi Amanda, Thanks so much. There are many paths forward, but one thing that might help would be to use the Decision Making Tool since you seem to be unclear on what you want to do. That might be a good first step, or next step. You can download it from the bottom of the home page of my website, feelinggood.com. I can understand your negative feelings and confusion and self-doubt, anxiety, discouragement, frustration. I'm just speculating. There are many ways to challenge your thoughts, but some good positive reframing might help before trying to  challenge them, so you could check out your goals for each negative emotion. Including a recent Daily Mood Log, in case you don't have one. All the best, david PS What you are doing all makes good sense, developing a relationship with yourself, doing a cba, etc., Kudos! In addition, the “25 things I'm looking for in an ideal mate” tool in Intimate Connections might also be helpful. Aaron asks: Why are feelings of depression and anxiety correlated? In other words, why do they frequently go hand in hand? Hi Dr. Burns, I am rereading When Panic Attacks, this has lead to a question. In the book you mention that one theory about why people have both anxiety and depression is that they "can't distinguish different kinds of emotions." Can you expand on this to help me better understand what this means? My interpretation now has me thinking that people are just saying they are depressed and anxious because they don't understand what each word for the emotions means. Thank you for your help, Aaron W. California---LMSW (Idaho)  David's reply David D. Burns, MD Sure, but that is not my thinking, just a common theory that of course deserves respectful consideration and testing. To me, depression is the feeling that accompanies loss, and anxiety is the feeling that accompanies the perception of imminent threat or danger. Beck put it like this: Anxiety is like clinging by your fingertips at the edge of a cliff, fearing you will fall at any moment. Depression, in contrast, is more like thinking you have already fallen, and you are at the bottom of the cliff, broken and injured beyond repair. Here are a couple other things that might interest you. When people are depressed, they will also report feelings of anxiety nearly 100% of the time. However, when they are anxious, they will only report feelings of depression about half the time. This is because you can have some type of anxiety, like a phobia such as the fear of heights, or elevators, or flying, but not feel depressed about it. And here is one more tidbit. My research on the beta test data from our Feeling Great App indicates that all seven negative feelings we measure are strongly correlated and go up or down together, which was quite unexpected. The statistical models that simulate the data provide strong evidence for an unknown “Common Cause” that activates all negative emotions simultaneously. We are trying to figure out what that Common Cause might be. It is a bit like “Dark Matter.” Scientists have proven it's existence, but don't yet know what it is. And this unknown Dark Matter represents 95% of the matter in the universe. The statistical models also provide strong evidence that the Feeling Great App helps people because of its strong causal impact on this unknown “Common Cause.” Would love to include this an Ask David in a podcast. Would it be okay? Warmly, david Aaron replies Hi Dr. Burns, I would be honored if you used my question in your podcast. Please let me know when that podcast is posted! I would love to watch it. In the email you sent, are you saying that one theory is that people just cannot accurately define what they are feeling? David replies again Yes, that is one theory, and I have seen that some people, including therapists, have trouble recognizing the names of feelings that their patients are having, based on what the patient says, and also they sometimes have trouble knowing how they are feeling, using “I Feel” Statements. This is, I think, part of what has been called “Emotional Intelligence.” And, just like any skill or talent, there is a great deal of individual difference in “Emotional Intelligence,” and likely some cultural differences as well. I have heard that up until recently, the Chinese did have a word for “depression,” but when a person was appearing depressed, they were kept indoors out of a sense of shame. Thanks! david

Ask David: Getting Off Benzos How Does Music Stir Our Emotions? Combatting Negative Thoughts about the World Treating Schizophrenia with TEAM The Four Feared Fantasy Techniques and more! Questions for today: Mamunur asks: What's the best way to withdraw from benzodiazepines? Gray asks: How does music evoke such powerful emotional reactions? Josh thanks David for techniques that have helped in his personal and professional life. Harold asks: How do you respond to negative thoughts about the world, as opposed to self-criticisms? For example, “The world is filled with so little joy and so much suffering.” Moritz asks: How do you help people with bipolar, schizophrenia, etc.? John expresses gratitude for our answer to his question on Positive Reframing, which triggered an “ah ha moment.” Rhonda asks: What are the four Feared Fantasy Techniques? The answers below were written prior to the podcast. Listen to the podcast for the dialogue among Rhonda, Matt, and David, as much more emerges from the discussions! Mamunur asks: What's the best way to withdraw from benzodiazepines? Ask David, Bangladesh question Dear Sir, I am writing to you from Bangladesh. Your book Feeling Good is a phenomenal work, and it has greatly helped in promoting the development of a healthy mind through logic and reason. Sir, I have a question regarding benzodiazepine withdrawal, which is often prescribed for mental health disorders. Is there a specific CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) approach that can help in withdrawing from benzodiazepines? Your guidance on this would be invaluable, as many people have been taking it for years, either knowingly or unknowingly, without being fully aware of its severe withdrawal effects. Thank you, sir, for your kind contributions to humanity. Sincerely, Mamunur Rahman Senior Lecturer David's reply Dear Mamunur, Thank you for your important question! I am so glad you like my book, Feeling Good, and appreciate your kind comments! As a general rule, slow taper off of benzodiazepines is recommended. This might involve slowly decreasing the dose over a period of several weeks. When I was younger I used to take 0.25 mg of Xanax for sleep, because it was initially promoted as being non-addictive, which was wrong. It is highly addictive. The dose I used was the smallest dose. When I realized that I was “hooked,” I tapered off of it over about a week, and simply put up with the side effects of withdrawal, primarily an increase of anxiety and difficulty sleeping. These disappeared after several weeks. Abrupt withdrawal from high doses of any benzodiazepine can trigger seizures, as I'm sure you know. That is the biggest danger, perhaps. I do recall a published study from years ago conducted at Harvard, I believe at McClean Hospital. The divided two groups of people hooked on Xanax into two groups. Both groups were switched to Klonopin which has a longer “half-life” in the blood and is supposedly a bit easier to withdraw from than Xanax, which goes out of the blood rapidly, causing more sudden and intense withdrawal effects. After this initial phase, both groups continued with slowly tapering off the Klonopin under the guidance of medical experts. However, one of the groups also attended weekly cognitive therapy groups, learning about how to combat the distorted thoughts that trigger negative feelings like anxiety and depression. My memory of the study is that the group receiving cognitive therapy plus drug management did much better. As I recall, 80% of them were able to withdraw successfully. However, the group receiving drug management alone did poorly, with only about 20% achieving withdrawal. My memory of the details may be somewhat faulty, but the main conclusion was clear that the support of the group cognitive therapy greatly enhanced the success of withdrawal from benzodiazepines. I decided early in my career not to prescribe benzodiazepines like Ativan, Valium, Librium, Xanax, and Klonopin for depression or anxiety, because the drug-free methods I and others have developed are very powerful, and the use of benzos can actually make the outcomes worse. Years back, a research colleague from Canada, Henny Westra, PhD, reviewed the world literature on treatment of anxiety with CBT plus benzos and concluded that the benzos did not enhance outcomes. Here is the link: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12214810/. I hope this information is useful and I will include this in a future Feeling Good Podcast.   Gray asks: How does music evoke such powerful emotional reactions? Subject: Re: Podcast question: love songs Hi David, That's a really tough question. Music has a unique way of cutting straight to emotions for me, and it makes it especially hard to identify the thoughts behind them. My best way of explaining is with these two thoughts, which have to be viewed as a pair to get that emotional reaction: My life would be perfect if I had that I'm so far away from that These thoughts don't resonate quite right for me, but it's something like that, going from imagining bliss to crashing to hopelessness within the space of a moment. Thank you so much for your response. Gray David's reply You're right. Music can be so beautiful, especially of course, the songs we love, that it is magical and emotional to listen to! It seems more like a sensory experience, than something mediated by thoughts, but we certainly have perceptions of beauty, etc. Similar with some incredibly delicious food. Creates incredible delight and satisfaction, and no words are necessary other than “delicious!” Sorry I can't give you a better answer to your outstanding question! Best, david   Josh thanks David for techniques that have helped in his personal and professional life. Dear Dr. Burns, I am sure you are swamped with substantive emails and fan mail, but I just wanted to express appreciation to you for all I have gained from your publicly available content. I have learned so much that I have applied in my personal life. I have also benefited tremendously in my work with clients. So much of what you say about anxiety, and especially the hidden emotion technique, has allowed clients to have in almost every session an aha moment. I have not yet been able to see a complete removal of symptoms in one session yet, but as a therapist, I too have many skills yet to improve and much work to do. So, in short, thank you so much for making your experience and wisdom available for free, and thank you for doing it in such an engaging manner. Sincerely, Josh Farkas   David's Reply Thanks, Josh. You are welcome to join our weekly virtual free training group I offer as part of my volunteer work for Stanford, if interested. For more complete change within sessions, a double session (two hours) in my experience is vastly more effective. Is it okay to read your kind note on a podcast? Warmly, david   Harold asks: How do you respond to negative thoughts about the world, as opposed to self-criticisms? For example, “The world is filled with so little joy and so much suffering.” Dear Dr. Burns, First of all, I would like to thank you for all your work and your outreach. Your books have profoundly influenced my thinking and value system. I really admire how you exemplify both scientific rigor and human warmth. Finally, I want to thank you for promoting the idea of “Rejection Practice! I haven't had a breakthrough yet, but some unexpected, very encouraging experiences. I first came across Feeling Good 12 years ago when I developed moderate depression in the context of living with my ex-partner, who probably had borderline personality disorder. I tried the techniques in Feeling Good and also psychotherapy, but unfortunately without much success. I only started feeling a lot better when I began to rebuild my social life and leisure time activities (ballroom dancing, getting involved with a church, ...). Several months later, I also broke up with my ex-girlfriend. Since then, I've had ongoing mild depression. I recently tried the techniques in Feeling Great but wanted to ask you for your opinion on a couple of negative thoughts I'm particularly stuck with. My issue is that I'm normally not attacking myself, but life in general. I keep on telling myself things like "Life is just one crisis after the other," "Life is for the lucky ones," "Really good things just don't want to happen," "Life is so much suffering and so little joy," and the depression itself makes these statements all the more convincing. (Triggering events can be rainy holidays, romantic rejections, grant interview rejections, etc.) I think it could be helpful if in a podcast you could give more examples on resolving negative thoughts attacking life / the world rather than oneself. I also have many more questions for podcasts if you are interested. Thank you for reading this, and thank you so much again for all your work! With very best wishes, Harold   David's Reply Happy to address this on an Ask David, and it would help if you could let me know what negative feelings you have, and how strong they are. I will be answer in a general way, and not engaging you in therapy, which cannot be done in this context. Is that okay? I'm attaching a Daily Mood Log to help organize your thoughts and feelings. Send it back if you can with the Event, Negative Feelings and % Now columns filled out (0-100), and Negative thoughts and belief in each (0-100). You can also fill in the distortion column using abbreviations, like AON for All-or-Nothing, SH for Should Statement or Hidden Should, MF for Mental filtering, DP for Discounting the Positives, and so forth. Thanks! If you were in a session with me, or if we were just friends talking, I would reply to your complaints with the Disarming Technique, Thought and Feeling Empathy, “I Feel” Statements, Stroking, and Inquiry, like this: Harold: “Life is so much suffering and so little joy." David: “I'm sad to hear you say that, but you're right. There's an enormous amount of suffering in the world, like the horrible wars in Ukraine and in the Mid-East. (I feel; Disarming Technique) It makes sense that you'd be upset, and have all kinds of feelings, even anger since there's so much cruelty, too. (Feeling Empathy) And even people who appear positive and joyful often have inner sadness and loneliness that they are hiding. (Disarming Technique) Your comment tells me a great deal about your core values on honesty and compassion for others. (Stroking) Can you tell me more about the suffering that you've seen that has saddened you the most, and how you feel inside? (Inquiry) But I'm mainly interested in you right now. Can you tell me more about YOUR suffering, and especially if there's some problem you might want some help with? (Inquiry; Changing the Focus) I would continue this strategy until you gave me an A on Empathy, and then I would go on to the A of TEAM (Assessing Resistance), and ask what kind of help, if any, you'd be look for in today's session. I might also use a paradox, like the Acid Test. If you wanted to reduce some of your negative feelings, I might try a variety of techniques, such as “How Many Minutes?” I'd also think about the Hidden Emotion Technique. Is there some problem in your life right now that you're not dealing with, so you instead obsess about the problems in the world to distract yourself? I would continue this strategy until you gave me an A on Empathy, and then I would go on to the A of TEAM (Assessing Resistance), and ask what kind of help, if any, you'd be look for in today's session. I might also use a paradox, like the Acid Test. If you wanted to reduce some of your negative feelings, I might try a variety of techniques, such as “How Many Minutes?” I'd also think about the Hidden Emotion Technique. Is there some problem in your life right now that you're not dealing with, so you instead obsess about the problems in the world to distract yourself? I ask this because your negative thoughts are very general, but I always focus only on specifics, specific problems and moments. What's has been going on with your parents or in the past or present that you are distressed about? I've found that when I (or my patients) solve one specific problem that's bugging me, everything seems to suddenly brighten up. For example, you wrote : “I asked someone out I like; she surprisingly said yes. After 10 days of not hearing from her, I messaged her, . . . “ I wrote a book about dating, Intimate Connections, because I was a nurd and had a lot to learn about dating. One idea is that waiting 10 days might not be a good idea to arrange the specifics of the date, as that might make her feel uneasy. There's a lot to learn about dating, for example. A tool like the Pleasure Predicting Sheet can sometimes help, too. And finally, a good therapist can also often speed things up. Sometimes two heads are better than one. You seem extremely smart and willing to work hard, so there's all kinds of room for growth, learning, and greater joy. The Feeling Great App is NOT therapy, but the tools there might also be helpful, especially since you are willing to work hard a do a lot. That's super important. Can I use this email in my reply in the show notes if we discuss your excellent questions? And should I change your name to Harold? Warmly, david Best, david     Moritz asks: How do you help people with bipolar, schizophrenia, etc.? Hi David, You have mentioned a few times that there are only a handful of "real" psychological disorders with known causes, as opposed to just a collection of symptoms. Could you please tell a bit about how you would go about helping somebody with one of the "real" disorders (like Schizophrenia or Bipolar) using TEAM therapy? Most of the episodes with personal work seem to fall into the other category (anxiety, depression, compulsive behavior), so I'd be really curious about some examples. Best regards, Moritz Lenz   David's Reply Hi Moritz, Thanks! Good question, and happy to address this on an Ask David. Here's the answer in a nutshell. When working with someone with schizophrenia, the goal is to help them develop greater happiness and interpersonal functioning, exactly the same as with anyone else, using TEAM. The goal is not to cure schizophrenia, because we still do not know the cause and there is no cure. But we can help individuals with schizophrenia with problems that they are having. Bipolar: in the manic phase, usually strong meds are indicated, and often at least one hospitalization. For the rest of their lives, including depression, TEAM works great. Can add more in the podcast. Best, david   John expresses gratitude for answer his question on Positive Reframing, which triggered an “ah ha moment.” Hi David and Rhonda! I have listened to Episode 415 and your response to my positive reframing question! I had a bit of a aha moment! I think I had been approaching it in the cheerleading sense and trying to encourage myself with these positive qualities rather than attaching the positives to the negative thoughts and feelings themselves! This has created a much stronger emotional response during the positive reframing section! The building up of the negative thoughts and feelings is a gamechanger! Thanks so much for the time and attention given to it during the podcast. Thanks so much again, I appreciate you folks way more than you could know! John David's Reply Thanks, Rhonda and John. Yes, you've pointed out a huge error many people make when trying to grasp positive reframing. If it is okay, we can include your comment in a future podcast. Warmly, david   Rhonda asks about the four Feared Fantasy Techniques: David's Reply Here are the four Feared Fantasy Techniques Approval Addiction / Perceived Perfectionism: “I judge you.” Achievement Addiction: “High School Reunion.” Love Addiction: Rejection Feared Fantasy Submissiveness: No Practice There are quite a number of additional role plays, too, as you know. Maybe a question about all the role plays, bc we all have: Self-Critical Thoughts: Paradoxical and Straightforward Double Standard Externalization of Voices Uncovering Techniques Man from Mars Tempting Thoughts Devil's Advocate Technique Tic-Tok Technique Resistance Externalization of Resistance How Many Minutes? Five Secrets / Relationship Conflict Intimacy Exercise One Minute-Drill I'll bet you can think of more, too! This is one of the unique features of TEAM, but for whatever reason it seems like few therapists use them. As you know, on average they tend to be way more potent and emotional, and of course fast impact. Warmly, david

  Question #1: John asks: Can you do TEAM on your own? Question #2: John asks: Can you provide more insights or instructions on how to do Positive Reframing on your own? It seems to be an incredibly important key to TEAM-CBT. Question #3: Ann asks: What can I do when I blush and my face turns bright red? Question #4: Dylan asks: Can you have a delayed reaction to the CBT exercises? #415 September 23 Ask, New questions Question #1: John asks: Can you do TEAM on your own? Oh, one other point that occurred to me, the people doing personal work on your podcasts are generally TEAM CBT therapists or people familiar with the TEAM model. They are obviously very familiar with the steps and techniques in TEAM, and yet they seem to require the insight and guidance from yourself and Jill. Why do you think that is if they are so well versed in TEAM already? Does that mean that a person from the general public doing their own work using your books without the guidance of a TEAM therapist is futile? Or would you always recommend someone using a therapist? Kind Regards John David's response Can we include it in another podcast? Would love to just read it and jam on it with R and M. Warmly, david Question #2: John asks: Can you provide more insights or instructions on how to do Positive Reframing on your own? It seems to be an incredibly important key to TEAM-CBT. On Mon, Aug 5, 2024 at 9:24 PM John Macken wrote: Hey there David and Rhonda, I hope you're keeping well, this is John from Ireland, we had a previous correspondence on Should statements! David, thanks very much for asking for access to the beta app, I'm really enjoying the modules! I heard you say on one of your apps that you are planning some workshops in relation to the app, will they be available online do you think? Would love to tune in if possible! I am always grateful for your inspiring work! I love your passion for the work that you and Rhonda do and that comes across from both of you during every podcast episode. Your FG community sounds amazing! Who knows, maybe one day I'll ditch the corporate career and join the cult! I have another question on Positive Reframing! As someone who is still trying to find my own journey to enlightenment following many months of anxiety and depression, I feel I am falling at this positive reframing step. I still find I am bumping up against resistance and I feel that my positive values and benefits don't count. It's almost as if there is some kind of discounting the positive going on like my negative points vastly outweigh my positive points. It's like there is such a negative filter there is no space for recognizing positive qualities. I was listening to the beginning of Episode 310 where a listener had an excellent contribution on Positive Reframing from your live work with Nasli. That got me thinking, would it be possible to hear more insights and detail on how to perform your own Positive Reframing work? Or do you have guidelines or a worksheet anywhere? It feels like the most powerful of all the steps! Among the many incredible tools that have been created under TEAM it seems the Agenda setting piece is probably the most powerful and innovative. I have listened to many of your Live Sessions intently and it seems that your gift and that of Jill Levitt is in convincing the patient of the beauty of their depression and anxiety. It feels that they are almost recovered or very nearly once you go through that step. On the face of it, it looks like what you're doing is very simple but there is a nuance and complexity to it that is incredible and without sounding too grandstanding or over dramatic this "gift" seems to be where the healing power lies. If you could bottle that gift you would change the world or be a billionaire or both! It is astounding to listen to. I would love to hear more about your insights into this area and how people can unlock this for themselves. For example, I found podcast 387 on Acceptance and Daring to be average incredibly powerful and insightful and convincing and these are pieces I'm trying to implement in my life. Love and admire your work and would love to make it over to one of your in person workshops someday when they are available to the general public, Warm regards John David's response We will address positive reframing on the show. Question #3: Ann asks: What can I do when I blush and my face turns bright red? Dr. Burns, I hope you're both doing well. I wanted to share with you that you have changed my life dramatically. I have always thought that everyone else had a problem as far as attitudes and behaviors. But you have taught me through all three of your books and podcasts that my thoughts are why I've been so anxious and depressed. I have been on medication since I was 20 years old. Now, I'm weaning off of my medication because of all of the work I've done with your book and a therapist trained in TEAM therapy. My relationship is much better with my husband and it was me that was pushing him away from me. Talk about enlightenment!? I'm anxious about getting completely off of my clonazepam because it helps me “control” my face from turning red. My red face makes me so anxious and I start sweating profusely whenever I'm in a situation that's embarrassing. Thank God, my menopause has helped me with explaining why my face is so red. This has been going on since I can remember. I think I was 5 years old in school when it first happened. Most people stare at me because my face gets really red. I've repeatedly tried looking at people, while my face is turning red, to see if they are truly looking at me and sometimes they are and not. The redness lasts for around two minutes but if feels like hours. What can I do? I want to get off all of my meds but my psychiatrist says to do it slowly. I haven't listened to all of your podcasts but I don't think there's one out there regarding a 49 year old lady suffering from a red face. Maybe an ask David? I hope I've been specific enough for you. I cannot thank you enough for everything you do for people. Thank you, Ann Zernone David's response Yes, we actually had a podcast on this exact thing, and happy to add it to the next Ask David if you like. Best, david 88 Role Play Techniques: Feared Fantasy Revisited https://feelinggood.com/2018/05/14/088-role-play-techniques-feared-fantasy-revisited/ 168 The Blushing Cure https://feelinggood.com/2019/11/25/168-ask-david-the-blushing-cure-how-to-heal-a-broken-heart-treating-anorexia-and-more/ Question #4: Dylan asks: Can you have a delayed reaction to the CBT exercises? Hi David, I'm a big fan of your work. Quick question: do you commonly come across people who do CBT exercises and they don't get their anxiety or depression levels reduced super low right after doing the exercises but a couple days later they experience the results? Dylan Aames Unfit Productions, LLC President @JohnnyPlissken-xs7hq  • 12 hours ago David replies Will talks about having this same experience on the live show.

Ask David Disturbing Intrusive Thoughts-- where do they come from?  Alone and Liking It--is that Okay? Help with those darned Shoulds, and more! The following show notes were written before the show. The actual live discussions will vary somewhat from the answers you will find here, which simply included David's email exchanges with those who asked the questions. . Rodolfo asks about disturbing and unwelcome intrusive thoughts. Brittany asks if it's okay to enjoy / prefer being alone. John, from Ireland, asks, “Help! I'm shoulding on myself again! What can I do? Please do another podcast on Should Statements.” Rodolfo asks about disturbing and unwelcome intrusive thoughts.   1. Rodolfo asks about ADHD & Intrusive Thoughts Hello Dr. Burns, my name is Rudy. First and foremost, your writings and podcasts have been life changing for me. You're AMAZING! I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I started experiencing intrusive thoughts around November of last year. I thought I had OCD, but apparently intrusive thoughts are a common companion in ADHD. What would be the best course of action in defeating them? How would I apply TEAM to them? David's Response In all my books, like Feeling Great, I outline a step by step approach to writing down and challenging thoughts. You can also listen to the podcast on the four models for treating anxiety. Can we use your great comment on a podcast, and add your question to our next Ask David podcast? Can you send me an example of the types of intrusive thoughts you're having? Sometimes writing them down and challenging can be helpful, but need to see what we're talking about. Best, david Rodolfo responds Thank you for the swift response! Ok, so writing down my intrusive thoughts, regardless of their nature, and challenging them. I don't, however, know which method/route to challenge them with. I have Feeling Great, so I will read through it again. I will also check out the podcasts. My intrusive thoughts have been disgusting violent acts involving my wife and son. ***I HAVE NO INTENTIONS OR DESIRE TO COMMIT ANY OF THEM***. I've had images of my wife getting shot, not necessarily by me. Sometimes I'll see my arms give out and my son will fall. I've seen my wife sitting down, and she gets hit in the back of the head. When they appear, I begin to freak out immensely because they are the complete opposite of who I am and what I want to do, which is protect them. I know I'm not doing something right when it comes to your methods because I still freak out. David Responds Thanks! Although disturbing, this is a very common and often easily treatable OCD type of problem. Best, david Rodolfo responds What a relief. I thought I was going insane here! I would be honored if you all covered it in a podcast. All I listen to in my car now is the Feeling Good podcast! David Responds Often, intrusive OCD thoughts reflect suppressed problems / feelings people have, especially when the person is exceptionally "nice," and used to sweeping feelings under the rug, so to speak. I cannot treat you in this medium, obviously, but I'm wondering if you have some negative feelings, like anger or frustration, toward your wife and child? When these are "squashed," they can come out indirectly, disguised as anxious thoughts and feelings. This is called the Hidden Emotion Technique, which you can look up using the search on my website, if curious, or read about it in my book, When Panic Attacks. Best, david 2. Brittany asks if it's okay to enjoy / prefer being alone. Hi Dr. Burns, I was listening to your podcast on self-acceptance, and it was really interesting hearing the results. I like how you said that just because we accept something about ourselves doesn't mean we aren't still working on it. I think people confuse that a lot. One thing I've accepted about myself is that I really do enjoy being alone. I think in the past I would try to find a buddy in uncomfortable situations like the first day of work or orientation or going to a baby shower alone etc. but now I find that I am most comfortable when I'm not included with everyone else. However, I think it can come across as off putting to some. Sometimes I get the feeling they see me excluding myself as rejection to them. That's not my intention and nobody's ever actually said that but it's a thought that pops up. Just wondered if you think this form of acceptance is good or bad? I mean it's been good for me. Just maybe it's bad for others? -Brittany David's response This is a cool question and nice comment, too, about our podcast. Can we read this on a podcast and use it for an Ask David? Personally, I am trying to say "no" more often when asked to do things with other people, and sometimes it's hard. But if I don't say no, I get way too much on my plate and can't keep up! Warmly, david Brittany's reply That makes perfect sense to me. I've kind of taken the position where I don't really want to make more friends because I feel like I'm already falling short with spending enough time with my cats and everyone else. Let alone time for myself. David's reply Exactly! Our culture has this myth that's it's somehow impossible or immoral to enjoy just being with oneself! David   3. John, from Ireland, asks, “Help! I'm shoulding on myself again! What can I do? Please do another podcast on Should Statements.” Hi David and Rhonda! Love the podcast and the work you folks are doing! I listen to the podcasts regularly and you are both bringing such great benefits to the world! I would love to hear another podcast on should statements. I've been going through a pretty bad and extended period of anxiety and depression in recent months and have been really trying to challenge my thoughts without much success. I'm addicted to shoulds unfortunately and beat up on myself relentlessly. I've tried to do a cost benefit analysis and the motivation piece is a huge part of the benefits side that is keeping me stuck. I really want to give up my should statements, they are making my life a misery. But I'm finding I don't want to let go of the motivation piece. I have given a sample below. I'd love to know if there were further steps/techniques I could use aside from the CBA to address the benefits and the perceived motivation piece so I can fully let go of the shoulds! Thanks so much both, John from Ireland Negative Thought: “I should have plans on a Saturday.” 99% SHLD, ER, SB, MF, DP. Benefits Lets me know when I'm not performing to the standard I set for myself Shows me my passion/goal in life for doing fun exciting things Motivates me to move to make plans, scolds me until I do so. Keeps me vigilant that I'm aware of my shortcomings Reminds me of the value of being socially connected, meeting and having fun with friends. It's easy, it's familiar, it's such a habit. (process resistance) Costs Emotional Cost. Beats me up relentlessly, makes me feel depressed, anxious and lowers my self-esteem. Reinforces perfectionistic beliefs Counterproductive in terms of motivation, makes me feel so low, Huge interpersonal cost, feel isolated alone. Prevents intimate connections Not able to be present or flow in a conversation, quality of conversation/connection drops Self-fulfilling prophecy, if I'm telling myself that then I ignore other possibilities. Benefits 40 / Costs 60 David's reply Feeling Great is now available in the app store, and you can try it for free. It also has a class called “Your PhD in Shoulds.” I'll add your question to our next podcast list for an Ask David. Since you've told me you can't yet get the app in Ireland, I'll send you the script of that lesson. Thanks! David John continues the exchange Hi David, Thank you so much for taking the time to correspond today and thank you so much for all the work you're doing for free. The world would be a better place with more Rhonda's and Dr. Burns' in the world. One of the things that has brought me some peace in the last few weeks is going for a long walk in the evening after work listening to your podcasts! I have attached a DML that I've been working on to give a bit more context. I made some inroads on that original should statement, however, as you can see from the DML more shoulds keep popping up. I have identified the Self Defeating Beliefs that resonate with me at the bottom of the document. I'm working hard to find healthy acceptance, I know this is key for me. I'm not entirely sure a lot of the time what exactly I should be accepting. That I'm a flawed person with many defects, just like everyone else maybe? To give some further context and without overburdening you with too much detail: I feel my anxieties are one of the main parts of my problem and I would love to get over these. I feel defective that I'm not resilient enough for the challenges of life. I have fears mainly around people, fear of letting people down, fear of being judged or rejected and just feeling different to others I suppose. I've struggled with recurring anxiety and some depressive periods from when I was a young child (likely biological - my dad has the same issue). I have strong feelings of defectiveness and not being up to standard compared to my peers. I have a very busy corporate finance job where I've been working very long hours over an extended number of weeks and months. I don't' love my job, fell into it really. Could be a hidden emotion thing going on. I started working from home more and more in recent months as my workload increased and my anxiety and mood really started to dip as work took over my life. I started to get really burned out in April. A lot of why I enjoyed the job previously was having fun with my teammates but that has become impossible in recent times due to everyone's workload. I do CrossFit which is probably an extreme form of exercise and between that and work I fell into some kind of perfectionism where I couldn't really find joy out of anything, aiming for higher and higher achievements. This brought on tons of shoulds and all or nothing thinking and self-blame, I think. My dad, who had been doing well for a good few years fell into a deep depression and anxious state around April time too and has been in hospital for a number of weeks and our family is trying to support him through this. We're finding the standard of mental health care in Ireland really really poor unfortunately. I find his issues quite triggering for me a lot of the time and I'll believe I'm defective because he is defective and there is nothing I can do about it. Dad is entirely dependent on medication to get him out of his slump and has a bad case of do-nothingism. He is beating himself up relentlessly too and I gave him a copy of Feeling Good to read but he hasn't looked at it at all. I have just turned 40 and I'm still single, so I feel like I'm letting my family down for not being emotionally able for a relationship or kids or be a better brother/son. I know I'm probably being harsh here as they say the opposite, but I feel I could/should be doing more. I have probably fired way too much detail at you, so I'll stop there! Thanks so much again! John Listen to this podcast for the great discussions and commentary by Rhonda, Matt, and David  

Feeling Down? Try the Feeling Great App for Free! The Feeling Great App is now available in both app stores (IOS and Android) and is for therapists and the general public, and you can take a ride for free! Check it  out at FeelingGreat.com! What's a Give-Get Imbalance? What's the Best Treatment for Anxiety and Dysthymia? Can you do Externalization of Voices on Your Own? The show notes for today's podcast were largely written prior to the show. Tune in to the podcast to hear the discussion of these questions by Rhonda, Matt, and David. And keep the questions coming. We enjoy the exchange of ideas with all of you. Thanks! Suzanna asks: What's a “Give-Get” imbalance? And how can you get over it? Martin asks: What's the best treatment for anxiety and dysthymia? Eoghan (pronounced Owen) asks: Can you do Externalization of Voices on your own?  1. Suzanna asks: What's a “Give-Get” imbalance? And how can you get over it? Description of Suzanna's problem. Suzanna is a woman with a grown daughter with severe brain damage due to a severe brain infection (viral encephalitis) when she was an infant. Suzanna was constantly giving of herself and catering to her daughter. She explains that her daughter can be very demanding and throws tantrums to get her way, and kind of controls the entire home in this way. She can only talk a little and has the vocabulary of about a two-and-a-half-year-old. She can mostly express the things she wants or doesn`t want on a very basic level. She mostly understands what I want from her, but mostly does not want to do what I ask her to do. She can be very stubborn. And I cannot reason with her because she has her own logic and, in her eyes, only her logic is valid. Maybe all a little bit like a two-and-a-half-year-old. Suzanna struggles with negative feelings including guilt, anxiety and depression, because she is constantly giving, giving, giving and feeling exhausted and resentful. And she tells herself, “I should be a better mum.” Can you spot any distortions in this thought? Put your ideas in the text box, or jot them down on a piece of paper, and then I'll share my thinking with you! What are the distortions in the thought, “I should be a better mum”?   There are many distortions in this thought, including All-or-Nothing Thinking, Overgeneralization, Mental Filtering, Discounting the Positive, Magnification and Minimization, Emotional Reasoning, Self-Directed Should Statements, and Self-Blame. There may be one or two more, too! The first step in change nearly always includes dealing with motivation and resistance. Suzanna decided to do a Cost-Benefit Analysis, as you can see below, and a revision of her Self-Defeating Belief, as you can see below. Another helpful step might include “No Practice,” which simply means saying “no” so you don't constantly get trapped by “giving,” as well as “giving in.” A third critically important strategy involves the mom and dad making the decision to work together as a loving team in the management of a troubled child, rather than fighting and arguing with each other, as we've discussed on previous podcasts. However, in many, or possibly most cases, the parents are not willing to do this. They are more concerned about being "right" and so they continue to do battle with each other, as well as the child who needs a more loving structure. David Cost-Benefit Analysis Self-Defeating Belief: I should be a better mum to my daughter Advantages of this belief(How does believing this help me?) Disadvantages of this belief(How does believing this hurt me?) This thought motivates me to: Put myself out. Push myself to give what I have.  Find ways to advance her development.  Find ways to involve her in everyday life. Invest myself into her and her life as much as I can, physically, emotionally and time wise. Try to find ways that my daughter can have a fulfilling life. Try hard to connect to her, her pain, her needs, her sadness and her frustration. Try to make her life as easy as possible. Try my hardest to see her world through her eyes and gain deeper understanding of how she feels. Try to understand what is upsetting her when she throws a tantrum. Stay healthy and fit to have energy for her. Try to make her life rewarding and meaningful. Fulfill my duty as a mum to my daughter who needs my support. I can feel good about myself. I satisfy other people's expectations of me.  Protects me from criticisms from my husband               I am a prisoner to my daughter. No matter how hard I try I don`t seem to make a meaningful difference to her life and to her development. I am a “Siamese Twin” to her. I cannot move or do anything if she doesn`t want to. I reason with my emotions instead of thinking rational at times. I let my daughter get away with “murder”. I find excuses for her behaviour.  I find excuses for her why she cannot behave differently. I beat up on myself when I feel I failed her. I take all responsibilities away from My daughter and make them my own. I blame myself when I cannot motivate her to do something. I blame myself when she is bored and unhappy. I feel guilty doing my own things. I feel guilty when I do not involve her in my activities. I feel guilty when I expect her to do entertain herself for a while.  I cannot live my own life. I cannot be myself at times. She rules my life, and she lives my life. I feel trapped and frustrated.  I feel I need to constantly entertain her. I feel responsible for her happiness. I feel responsible when My daughter is sad and frustrated. I feel exhausted and overwhelmed at times.  I feel unhappy and unfulfilled.           Advantages: 20 Disadvantages: 80  Semantic Method: Re write your personal value I want to be a mum to My daughter and help her along and invest myself into her. But I also want to treat myself the way I treat her. She has a “right” to live a happy and fulfilling life, but so do I. Our needs and desires are equally important and deserve the same attention and care. I can only continue to look after My daughter well if I look after myself too and take myself and my needs and desires as seriously as I do hers. There needs to be a give-get balance so that both of us can be healthy and happy and stay healthy and happy. I want to help her to slowly take new steps into independence and support her lovingly along the way.   2. What's the best treatment for anxiety and dysthymia? Hello Dr. Burns, What method of treatment would you suggest for GAD and dysthymia? 3rd wave CBT, ACT? What is best based on science? Can you recommend some books please? thank you Martin David's Reply My books are listed on my website, FeelingGood.com. They all describe my approach, which is a bit like CBT on steroids. But every patient is treated individually and uniquely, following a structured and systematic approach that facilitates rapid and dramatic change. I don't recommend “methods of treatment” or “schools of therapy” based on so-called “diagnoses,” but treat the individual with TEAM. Every session with every patient is an experiment, with precise measures at the start and end of every session. The new Feeling Great App, now available, gets a mean of 50% or more reductions in seven negative feelings, such as depression, anxiety, and more, in 72 minutes of starting to use the bot. You can check it out for free! Anxiety and depression often co-exist, and the app targets both. My book, When Panic Attacks, describes my approach to anxiety, based on four models of treatment: the Motivational, Cognitive, Exposure, and Hidden Emotion Models. If you use the search function, you can find podcasts describing those models. Also, there's a free anxiety class on this website. Thanks, Martín, for your excellent question! Best, david 3. Can you do Externalization of Voices on your own? Hi David, Long time listener of your great podcast and huge fan of your book Feeling Great. I've often heard you mention that “externalization of voices” is one of, if not the most powerful CBT techniques. I am just wondering if it is still almost as effective when done solo without a therapist i.e. the person takes on both the roles of positive and negative by recording themselves talking or similar? Also, have you any data comparing the efficacy of TEAM CBT work carried out solo using Feeling Great/your podcast as a guide vs. TEAM CBT performed with a trained TEAM therapist? I am very much looking forward to the Feeling Great app launch in the UK as hopefully that will be a much more effective way to do personal work without a therapist. Many thanks, Eoghan (pronounced Owen) David's reply Thank you, Eoghan! Appreciate your support and thoughtful question. I don't have any data on the use of EOV on your own. One could use a recording device, like your cell phone, and record  your negative thoughts in second person, “you,” and try to defeat them when you play them back, one at a time. But in my experience, people nearly always need an experienced role player to do role reversals to show them how to get to a “huge” win. People almost never get a huge win when doing it for the first time, because the therapist (in the role of positive self) can model unfamiliar strategies for the patient. Generally, a hugely successful response involves a combination of self-defense, self-acceptance, and the CAT, or counter-attack technique. And sometimes other methods as well, like Be Specific, for example Radical new learning is definitely the key to success with EOV. Now, thanks to the app, everyone can practice, since we've trained our Obie Bot to role-play with users, do role reversals, give feedback, and so forth. Great question that I will include in the next Ask David if that's okay! We are also exploring the combination of the Feeling Great App plus a trained TEAM therapist from the Feeling Good Institute in Mountain View, California. We are hoping that 1  + 1 may equal 3. Wouldn't that be awesome? What I've found when doing research is that the results are virtually always wildly unexpected! Somethings come out great, and some things come out dismally. I always tell myself that “the Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away!” Seems to be the rule in research! Especially when you're wanting to be guided by the truth, and not so much by your hopes and expectations. Best, David

Have you heard the good word about America (Australia) Online!? Is Jason in the guy bucket now? Andrew spent money! Can you even believe it!? Pasta follow-up. A listener enters the chat. Andrew forces a counter chat, and it works out! Using Apple Podcasts? All notes can always be found here (https://listen.hemisphericviews.com/115)! AOL Is New and Improved! 00:00:00 AOL (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AOL) ☎️ CompuServe (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CompuServe)

Special Announcement #1 Attend the Legendary Summer Intensive Featuring Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt August 8 - 11. 2024 Learn Advanced TEAM-CBT skills Heal yourself, heal your patients First Intensive in 5 years! It will knock your socks off! Limited Seating--Act Fast Click for registration / more information! Sadly, this workshop is a training program which will be limited to therapists and mental health professionals and graduate students in a mental health field  Apologies, but therapists have complained when non-therapists have attended our continuing education training programs. This is partly because of the intimate nature of the small group exercises and the personal work the therapists may do during the workshop. Certified coaches and counselors are welcome to attend. Special Announcement #2 Here's some GREAT news! The Feeling Great App is now available in both app stores (IOS and Android) and is for therapists and the general public, and you can take a ride for free! Check it Today's Ask David Podcast We have lots of great questions today. The answers in the show notes were written prior to the podcast, and the answers in the live podcast as we discussed these questions may differ somewhat or amplify the written materials in these show notes. We love your questions. Remember to send them to David@feelinggood.com. Ask David Questions for Today Bosley asks: My father can be very critical of my plans for the future. What's the best way to respond to him? Willie asks: I have a dating questions. Why do women keep ghosting me? Should they be more willing to work out differences with the Five Secrets of Communication? Marc asks: In your book, When Panic Attacks, you mentioned that sometimes people feel “trapped.” What should you do when you're struggling with this feeling?   1. Bosley asks: My father can be very critical of my plans for the future. What's the best way to respond to him? "To explain somewhat concisely, I just want to move to the nearest major city (Seattle) since I feel really really happy there. I also love volunteering for a specific organization and have some community there that I care about, and I feel very isolated having been away from for months. I'm willing to carry the load of all the work I would need to do to make it happen, and do a business training my dad wants me to complete. He has other thoughts. He looks down on volunteering and his thoughts on friends are simply that I can make new ones anyway. He is very aggressive and intimidating in his arguments, full of insults and many factually incorrect statements that are difficult to disarm on the fly. He shoots down the idea upon mention, so it's difficult to collaborate to find mutually beneficial solutions. He is a successful businessman, despite recent financial issues, and has a sort of strict plan for me that he has wanted me to follow, although I really don't feel this conflicts with his goals to have me run things in the future. I'm just worried since he has a long past of being emotionally abusive and of going back on his word. Plus, I just want some autonomy. In the end, it's his way or the highway. He says “You keep scheming and going down a twisted path instead of doing what I tell you.” David's reply I suggested he might complete the first four steps of the Relationship Journal so we could see how he's communicating with his dad. Here is Bosley's partially partially completed Relationship Journal (showing steps 1 to 4, but not 5.)   Step 1 – S/he said: Write down exactly what the other person said. Be brief: You keep scheming and going down a twisted path instead of doing what I tell you! Step 2 – I said: Write down exactly what you said next. Be brief: What? Circle or bold the emotions S/HE might have been feeling Circle or bold the emotions YOU were feeling Sad, blue, depressed, down, unhappy Sad, blue, depressed, down, unhappy Anxious, worried, panicky, nervous, frightened Anxious, worried, panicky, nervous, frightened Guilty, remorseful, bad, ashamed Guilty, remorseful, bad, ashamed Inferior, worthless, inadequate, defective, incompetent Inferior, worthless, inadequate, defective, incompetent Lonely, unloved, unwanted, rejected, alone, abandoned Lonely, unloved, unwanted, rejected, alone, abandoned Embarrassed, foolish, humiliated, self-conscious Embarrassed, foolish, humiliated, self-conscious Hopeless, discouraged, pessimistic, despairing Hopeless, discouraged, pessimistic, despairing Frustrated, stuck, thwarted, defeated Frustrated, stuck, thwarted, defeated Angry, mad, resentful, annoyed, irritated, upset, furious Angry, mad, resentful, annoyed, irritated, upset, furious Other (specify) Other (specify)   Step 3 – Good Vs. Bad Communication: Was your response an example of good or bad communication? Use the EAR Checklist to analyze what you wrote down in Step 2 Step 4 – Consequences: Did your response in Step 2 make the problem better or worse? Why? It probably made things worse. I came off dismissive, which probably confirmed for him that I automatically ignored any advice or direction that he gave me. I wasn't assertive in fear of escalating anger or just being shut down anyway, but that also maintains the status quo. I didn't, and typically don't, show a caring respectful attitude. This, I think, allows his anger to continue snowballing into more intensity. 2. Willie asks why women he's dating “ghost” him instead of working out the problems in the relationship using the techniques in your book, Feeling Good Together. Good morning, Dr. Burns! I hope you are doing well! I want to start off by saying that I love your books and they've played a massive role in changing my personality for the better. However, there is a question I struggle with. In feeling good together, you say that one can keep status quo, solve their problem, or walk away from a relationship. I lean very strongly on the side of always wanting to solve problems. However, at my age, most of girls I date err on the side of just walking away and this opens me up for unnecessary headache and pain. I don't know where to draw the line? My heart says that any two reasonable adults can always make a relationship work given that at least one wants to make things better and, unfortunately, this does not seem to be the case in my experiences. Your insight would be greatly appreciated! Thank you for taking the time! Best Regards, Willie David's reply Thank you, Willie, I'd love to use this as an Ask David question for one of the podcasts, if that's okay, using your first name or a fake name if you prefer. Here's the super short answer. I wrote a book on that exact topic called Intimate Connections. Essentially you probably need to learn a little more about how to “play the game” when dating. You'll see what this means when you read the book. Warmly, david Willie's Response: Good morning, Dr. Burns! Frankly, I was not expecting a response at all, much less as quick as it was. For this, I truly want to thank you for taking the time to do so. Secondly, it will be my honor if you do bring it up to your podcast. Please don't use my first name - I'd prefer staying anonymous. Please do let me know which podcast this will be so I can give it a listen as well. Lastly, thank you so much for referring me to your book. That will be my next read so I am super excited. If you have any other books which you believe are worth reading which will be beneficial in the dating world, corporate world, etc., please point me to those. I absolutely love your books and their effects on me have been immeasurable. Thank you! Willie I wrote back and suggested we could use the fake name Willie, as he wanted to remain anonymous, and he responded: Now that you say, Willie is definitely sexier! Question: when are you planning on doing the next episode with this question in it? I wouldn't want to miss it.   Here was my response to “Willie.” We'll just read your question, and then provide opinions. My career in private practice has a majority of single individuals who were trying unsuccessfully to connect in the dating world. That's why I wrote that book, which is intensely personal as I was the biggest loser of all for a long time because I was a minister's son and never learned how to “play the game” or be a “bad boy.” But I learned from a friend who was a “hustler” when I was in medical school. I learned a tremendous amount, including that there is a game-playing phase in dating, and a time to be more serious, open and vulnerable. The biggest mistake men make is trying to get too serious when they should be playing the game. What's the game? Well, you'd know if you ever had or loved a cat. If you chase them enthusiastically, you force them to run away. You have to learn how to make them chase you. Many men are stubborn about this, and lamely insist, “But I shouldn't have to play the game!” My answer would be, “You don't! Especially if you don't want to get laid and have lots of ladies chasing you!” Warmly, david   Willie's response This is extremely valuable to me. I never knew that you come from a religious background and I do too so I do want to ask you some more questions / share my experience. One pattern I am noticing is that either Muslim ladies have a lot of religious trauma or they have very strict conservative values - usually a combination of both. In the modern world, I try using dating apps and might get matched with someone 2-3 states away so usually we would hop on a FaceTime and the topic of religion almost always comes up. And, due to differing opinions, they just walk away which deeply upsets me because they make the false assumption that humans are snapshots in time i.e., opinions / perspectives don't change. In fact, a personal experience I would like to share with you. I was in a relationship for 1.5 yrs (long distance) and it just ended 1-2 months ago. Our intention was always to get married. However, a few weeks before breaking up with me, she basically said "oh you don't pray and I cannot even imagine my future husband not praying etc etc" and she ended things with me on that. I even tried using the 5 methods of effective communication to acknowledge and validate her opinions while simultaneously sharing mine but she was dead set and did not even want to think about working on problems. How could I "play the game" in such instances or over long distances?   David's response Hi Willie, The principles of dating are the same in all cultures for the most part, and one rule is “Never chase a distancer.” So, when she switches to religion, you could use the listen skills subset of the Five Secrets, and buy in to what she's saying, WITHOUT arguing or presenting your own thinking. You can admire her, urge her to tell you more about her religious feelings and spiritual life, using liberal Thought and Feeling Empathy, and lots of Disarming Techniques, and Stroking, with Gentle Inquiry. You would NOT chase, or try to persuade, or argue, or defend yourself. Be totally admiring and other-centered at those times. If she says she wants to break up, you might say that you've been sensing some distance, and are relieved that she is doing that, because you, too, would like to date other women, but that the two of you can still be friends if she promises not to get romantically involved with you, and that you will be on the lookout for some really great guys she might want to date. This is a paradoxical approach, and it is an art form. And I can also tell you to date other women immediately, and the moment you find one you like better than her, she will find out, even if no one tells her, and she will likely want you back again. That's because of the Burns rule, which states: “People NEVER want what they CAN have; they ONLY want they CAN'T have!” Now, if you tell me this approach is phony, I would tell you that you're 200% right! And it's not only incredibly phony, it's amazingly effective! And a kinder word that “phony” might be to say that when someone starts pulling away, you have to switch into this style and strategic approach, and stop trying to be loving and sincere or logical, etc. Do NOT chase, simply open your hands and let go. It's the exact same strategy you might use to get close to a cat! Best, david Hi Willie, If you'd like, you can send me an example of what one of the Muslim ladies said to you, and exactly what you said next. Please select an interaction that didn't go well. Then I can analyze your response and suggest some alternative ways to respond in a dating situation. In fact, if you like, you can record it on the Relationship Journal that I've attached. Please fill in steps 1 through 4. Please do this right away as we record tomorrow. Best, david   Hi Dr. Burns, I cannot even tell you how much these emails are already changing my outlook. I truly want to thank you for taking the time and responding to these. One thing that caught my eye is the paradoxical approach. I never thought about it. In my mind, I feel you should work on relationships / never let go but if letting go is working on it, then that is something I really need to do. I am attaching two copies of the Relationship journal. One dealing with the topic of drugs and one with prayer. One thing I will tell you is that I usually bring these topics up myself because, in my mind, I don't want to deceive anyone and get these big topics out of the way as early on as I can and I think I am making a mistake somewhere here. Thank you, again, for taking the time and responding to these emails! Looking forward to what you think about the topics of conflict I have been having! Best Willie

Join us for an insightful episode where we chat with David Milstein, co-founder of SellCord, about the strategies that drive success on Walmart. David shares an inspiring success story of a client who saw their sales surge from $2,000 to $200,000 per month within just two months by leveraging strategic account managers and Walmart Fulfillment Services (WFS). We also discuss realistic expectations for Walmart sales growth, suggesting sellers aim for 10% to 20% of their Amazon sales, emphasizing the importance of focusing on Walmart to unlock its full potential. Explore the benefits and intricacies of using virtual multi-packs with Walmart Fulfillment Services in this episode. We discuss how virtual GTINs can create multiple listings for a single unit, like multi-packs of shampoo, without additional physical inventory, reducing storage fees and return orders while lowering WFS fees. David also sheds light on pricing strategies, highlighting the significance of the $10 price point, and the current beta status of virtual packs and their anticipated wider rollout, along with the role of promotions in driving sales on Walmart. Listen in as we navigate the intricacies of Walmart's promotional campaigns and recent updates to their item specifications. We cover different types of promotional campaigns such as category-specific events and flash deals, and the strategic advantages they offer. Learn about accessing these campaigns through the growth opportunities section and the newly introduced Item Spec 5.0, which shifts from category-based to product-type-based listings. David also shares essential tips for managing Walmart accounts, including consolidating multiple accounts, transferring reviews from Shopify, and utilizing Walmart's Review Accelerator Program. In episode 577 of the Serious Sellers Podcast, Carrie and David discuss: 00:00 - Walmart Success Stories and Strategies 07:23 - Walmart Virtual Pack and Promotion Strategy 11:08 - New Walmart Promotional and Listing Strategies 11:38 - Accessing Growth Opportunities and New Promo Campaigns 15:55 - Optimizing Attributes for Walmart Ranking 20:36 - Walmart Account Management Strategies 21:01 - Bringing Reviews to Walmart Restrictions 23:58 - Flash Deals for All Sellers 29:05 - PPC and Listing Optimization Strategies ► Instagram: instagram.com/serioussellerspodcast ► Free Amazon Seller Chrome Extension: https://h10.me/extension ► Sign Up For Helium 10: https://h10.me/signup  (Use SSP10 To Save 10% For Life) ► Learn How To Sell on Amazon: https://h10.me/ft ► Watch The Podcasts On YouTube: youtube.com/@Helium10/videos Transcript Carrie Miller: Today we're talking with David Milstein from SellCord and he's going to be talking about some Walmart success stories and some strategies to help you to become successful on Walmart. He'll also be talking about the new item, spec 5.0, and Walmart promotions that can help boost sales.   Bradley Sutton: How cool is that? Pretty cool, I think. Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of the Serious Sellers Podcast by Helium 10. I am your host, Bradley Sutton, and this is the show that's completely BS-free, unscripted and unrehearsed organic conversation about serious strategies or serious sellers of any level in the e-commerce world, and this episode is our monthly live Walmart Wednesday show where we talk about anything and everything Walmart related with different guests, and today's host is going to be Carrie Miller. So, Carrie, take it away.   Carrie Miller: Welcome to another Walmart Wednesday. I'm so excited to have a very special guest today. We have David Milstein here, and so we're going to ask him a lot of questions. He is definitely one of the top experts in Walmart. He definitely has taught me a lot of what I know about Walmart, so definitely a privilege to have him here today. I'm going to go ahead and bring on David. Hi David.   David: Hey, Carrie, it's great to be on. Thank you for having me.   Carrie Miller: Yeah, thanks so much for coming on. So I told them a little bit about you. I mean, you are the co-founder of SellCord and you've been doing Walmart or in the Walmart game for like maybe three or four years now. Definitely an expert in Walmart and very, very knowledgeable about anything. Okay, so let's go ahead. And, David, I don't know if I've done enough justice for you about your background, but can you just tell a little bit about what you do at SellCord and just a little bit about you and your background and anything you want to let us know.   David: Of course. Of course, sure, thank you for the opportunity. So, yeah, so I'm one of the co-founders of SellCord. Uh, we are a Walmart focused agency, so we only work on brands, on their Walmart growth, and we've positioned ourselves to just be exclusively focused in this, in this space, as we understand the future and opportunity that Walmart does have to offer. It's always great to be alongside Carrie, a fellow like-minded individual, who is with us on this Walmart train, so we're excited to chat, as always.   Carrie Miller: Awesome. Okay. So let's go ahead and we're going to just get into the questions, and I think one of my first questions that I wanted to ask you about is because and I'll kind of give you a little bit of background a lot of people say you know, what kind of sales can I do on Walmart? You know if I'm doing, you know millions on Amazon, what can I do on Walmart? But I just wanted to see if you could give us some stories about, like a client who maybe got on Walmart. Maybe they were struggling with Walmart before they came to you and then you helped them to do certain things and they became successful. So, like you know what was the scenario, how did you help them? Any kind of thoughts you can give us about like client success stories would be kind of cool way to start this out.   David: For sure, for sure. Actually, Walmart just did a case study with us on one of our clients. So you go on LinkedIn, you guys could check out like a post on this brand, Simply Magic. Uh, this was a brand you know they have a lot of success just historically, both on Amazon. Actually, they were at Walmart before and they were working with us. They were just trying it out. They were doing about like two thousand dollars a month like really really low business, not really giving it the attention it deserved. They came to us, we met with them and just due to their you know experience, we're able to link them with some really insider people at Walmart to be able to work with like a good Sam, the strategic account manager, and working with like the WFS team, and within two months we're actually able to get their sales to 200k, which is like that's, I don't think that's a normal scenario, like we really did. It went above and beyond with them, but that's just because of the opportunity that they had to offer. Now this is a major, major player the Amazon space. However, we do work with brands of all sizes and we have just general expectations of what you can get from Walmart. We typically like to say you should aim for about 10% to 20% of your Amazon sales. So if you're doing like $2 million, $3 million on Amazon, you should be able to expect $200,000 to $300,000 a year, which is again a very solid opportunity.   David: It's obviously all about the long run, but so many accounts are coming to us. We meet these guys at shows all the time. Hey, I'm not even doing 1%, I'm doing 2% and just talking to them. It'll come down to some of the things we'll speak about in this call like different strategies, but it just often comes down to just focus and really giving Walmart the opportunity it deserves, but getting them up within just a few months the 5%, 10% and then it's about can we grow up more from there? And that's really where the opportunities lie, you know, if there's some more strategies to grow further than 10%, how you can do that and we'll speak, I think, a little bit about that more in this talk, in this podcast.   Carrie Miller: Yeah, Well, what do you think the top things are that they're not doing beforehand? Because I've definitely experienced this where people aren't necessarily doing. You know all the things they could do possibly, but what are some of the top things? People like they're just totally ignoring that they would never ignore any Amazon that you see with clients.   David: So so the same way that you would give the opportunity to, let's see your copy on Walmart compared to, let's say, you know, Amazon, Amazon, you're in there like which keywords do I need where in my title and my description? Specifics, like you're very detailed with it, and then you'll just kind of use the same copy on Walmart. Walmart has a completely different guide. You know like they want to have a very different set of copy. They want to have a shorter title descriptions should be more keyword rich and we've done actually a lot of research also on like the keyword tracking and indexing and we found that if you're lacking your main keywords within your copy, those are the highest scenarios of just not indexing for those keywords. It's so related I could show proof. Like not being not having your keywords in your copy, you're just not gonna index. And indexing is even worse than ranking. That means you just don't show up at all for that keyword. And these are basics. That's just one great example.   David: I think another very common one is being in the correct category or product type. We'll speak more about product types a little bit later. Just with Item Spec 5.0. Just being correctly categorized is so important because that determines which keywords you're able to rank for. Just don't make the mistake that Walmart is just some other random marketplace. It's going to be the next big marketplace. You can even see the trajectory of where things have come up thus far and how it compares to Amazon and just the growth it's seeing. And if you're missing that, you're just missing out on the opportunity. Treat it as if it's Amazon right now, you know. Think of it that this is an opportunity that Amazon was seven years ago, five years ago, whatever, whatever specific timeline. But understand that it is an opportunity. And if you had, the chance to do Amazon again now just think of it. What would you just do on Walmart?   Carrie Miller: Yeah, that's all good information. The next thing I wanted to talk about was the virtual packs, because I know I saw you post on LinkedIn about virtual packs that they had just come out. So what, you know what are they? You know how have they been doing? Have you seen a lot of success with them so far?   David: Yeah, for sure I really love the direction Walmart's going with all their beta programs and the new things that they're rolling out. You know I love that they kind of have like Amazon to kind of like go after. You know they don't have to be the pioneer, they can be like hey, this is something that we like about Amazon and they're going all out. You know there's so many new programs coming out and virtual packs is like the latest and greatest. I just want to make a distinction. It's not a virtual bundle, it's specifically a multi-pack on a single unit, and this really what it allows you to do is to create multiple listings for a single unit. So let's say, you're selling a bottle of shampoo. Instead of having to create a second GTIN to list a second bottle of shampoo with it, you can now create a virtual GTIN and you can do up to as many as you want. And where the real benefits come in is actually through using WFS for the fulfillment. So oftentimes you know you might want to list a three-pack or a four-pack or a five-pack and then when you send it to WFS it doesn't actually sell, and then you have to deal with storage fees, you have to do a return order. It's just such a pain.   David: So what this allows you to do is just to have one unit. You just send that into WFS and WFS will just create the virtual packs for you. And what's even nicer is that they will have actually consolidated and lowered WFS fee. Depending on how many units, for two units they reduce it by like a dollar for each one. You can look at the like. There's a great guide about this from Walmart where they give you the specific breakdown of the fees. But it's just a really good opportunity to expand your assortment and offer multi-packs where you might not necessarily have that opportunity. It also works really well when it comes to, let's say, you're in a category where, let's say, if you're under $10, there's an 8% commission break. So you think if you go two pack, if you had a separate two pack listing, you'd be paying that 15% fee because it's above $10. But with with virtual packs, you actually still locked into that eight percent fee as long as, like, the average price is lower. So that's really nice, you know, it's just like an opportunity that people aren't necessarily factoring in I just want to make a really cool point, though, about that is there's also in WFS if your products are under ten dollars. This is something actually people don't really know much about. I'm not sure why if your products are on WFS and your retail is under $10, there's a dollar fee that gets attributed to your product. So if you're selling it under $10, even if it's a multi pack of two and it's selling for $19, you still have to pay that dollar fee twice. So it's very important to factor in your pricing and how that impacts both your WFS and your fee.   Carrie Miller: That might actually be a reason to kind of lower your price if you're just at like the 12 or 13 dollar mark, maybe I don't know. I guess you'd have to do the numbers but.   David: It's kind of. It's kind of a hack. I like, like, I call, I call like the 10 perfect price.   Carrie Miller: Yeah.   David: It's exactly 10, because at 10 you don't have the WFS fee for a dollar, but if you're in certain categories you're still in the eight percent. So it's kind of like if you're at ten dollars on one cent, you're at 15% commission, and if you're $9.99, there's that extra dollar WFS fee.   Carrie Miller: Wow. So interesting.   David: So it's actually if you're around that price. Yeah.   Carrie Miller: Very, very good to know. And those virtual packs are in beta, right? So when do you think they're going to roll out to everybody?   David: Yeah. So from our information, they have like a virtual pack, a virtual bundle, virtual pack beta that we did months ago that only a limited amount of sellers got in, and other rolling it out across the board. The initial release was two weeks ago, I think on the June 13th, and then they're also going to be doing early sometime in July, I believe that should be the rest of the sellers that should be live for everyone and I'm pretty sure that's what. It's not confirmed, but we'll find out next month. You know, if you don't, you don't have it. It's a great opportunity. You know, open a case, reach out to your strategic account manager if you have one. Ask for these programs. You know they're here to help you and they'll try and get you in wherever you can.   Carrie Miller: Okay, so let's move on to another topic, and I want to talk about promotions. So let's go ahead and just talk about, like, what types of promotions does Walmart offer for sellers to participate in?   David: Totally. So, I mean promotions is such a great topic on Walmart. I think, after advertising or even combined with advertising, promotions is going to be the best way to grow your listings. Kind of referencing that previous case study we spoke about, the way we were able to see such insane results so quickly is because we enabled these items to go into promotion, that to really grow. And so just to speak about, like, the different types of promotions on Walmart, there's two main categories that exist. There's promo campaigns, which are like category specific and they happen during a specific set amount of time. For example, there's a July event happening throughout the entirety of the month of July and then you have different events here and there. You have some highlighted special events. You know that we just had like Walmart Plus week this past week and you have like Black Friday like, but there's generally more like you know this is allergy season or like some like some random home and cleaning week, like something that they come up with. You know just where they're trying to get some products in and you could automatically enroll in that. If you go to growth opportunities, you'll see promo campaigns.   David: If you don't have access to that just open a case and you'll be able to get access to that. You have to be an admin on the Solid Center account, which is pretty obvious, and you'll be able to roll your products in there and just be able to participate in that. And then another type of campaign which is called Flash Deals which is kind of similar to Flash Picks on Amazon, the difference being lightning deals on Amazon are Lightning deals are a single day, versus Flash Deals on Walmart run for a whole week and it's every week, I believe Sunday through Saturday, that it runs through a promo for your product and you can get in there with a basic 10% off and you can really roll through your catalog. You have to get approved for it, but you can't do back-to-back for the same product in two weeks, but you can do it every four weeks per product and it's actually a really, really great way to be able to quickly move your products because you get put into a special flash deal page and if you go to Walmart's home page, there's always a little icon for a lightning symbol. You can click it and, depending on how well your product does, it will fluctuate in its rank amongst the deal. So if you push a lot of ads, you'll actually quickly be able to move up the list just because you have a high conversion rate. Even if they're not clicking on the flash deals page, your listing just moves better. So you'll move up on the ranks and actually able to fly through units. Like that it's interesting. We've seen higher conversion rate. I mean it makes sense at a cheaper rate but very like a 30, 40% increase in sales, dollar wise, not even units specifically dollars. So even at the 10% discount, which is not a lot, you're still able to really kill it over there.   Carrie Miller: So do you have to have a strategic account manager for that? I've noticed a lot of accounts don't have access to those Flash Deals or Flash Picks.   David: I would say just open up a case. Yeah, I think with Flash Deals, Flash Picks it used to be called Flash Picks. They changed it to Flash Deals. No, that's Walmart, though wuickly changed things on the fly just to sound better, but open up a case. If you don't have a strategic account manager, just that case should be able to get it for you.   Carrie Miller: Cool, yeah, let's go ahead and talk about something that I just saw roll out recently, and it's the Item Spec 5.0. Can you just tell everyone what, what the Item Spec 5.0 is and how it can help with the visibility of products, or just any information you have on the Item Spec?   David: Yeah. So this is. This is one of the bigger buzzwords you know happening right now in the Walmart space and it's just because of how impactful this is for your listings and really planned forward with Walmart. Uh, Item Spec 4 came out quite a while ago and what they did was they changed the number of categories you were able to list under to like from like 20 something to like 77, and now, with Item Spec 5.0, they're doing it in a different, a different style. It's based on product type. That's how you set up your product, your items, rather than doing it in a general category, you now have to actually select the product type. This is similar to like my experience with Amazon. The minimal experience that I've had in the past with their flat files is you have to select, like, a product type prior to uploading it, so it's not a similar idea on Walmart. So I understand if you have a big assortment and you're trying to come up with how you could quickly list it. It could be a little bit harder now because you can't just generalize it into Home and Kitchen. You have to find your product types. But previously Walmart would automatically select the correct product type for your item and you can change it. But now that it's forced into the product type, as like the initial start, you do have to do a little bit more research on listing. But what's the point, aside from just the change in how you list your product and how you do edits to your product, what's the goal of what they're doing here.   David: So this is actually, I expect, 5.0 was previously first released on actually the 1p side. So if you're doing edits through item 360 or supplier one, you should already have familiarity with this and all that was already done by product type for a while. And what it does is it enables a whole bunch of more attributes by product type. So each category has, like its list of predetermined attributes, but it didn't tell you which ones you should fill out for this. Like it could be in sports and like you're selling, you know weights and it's like what sports team is this? It's not applicable to your weights, you know. But then if you have let's say you're selling now with the new product type if you're selling something related to like a sports, like an actual sports team, it'll ask you for the sports team, but if you're selling something that's not relevant, it won't make it a required category for you. So it's basically they make attributes that are dependent on your product type, which is really cool in the flat files they'll gray out certain areas and it'll actually have like recommended attributes that you should be filling out based on your product type.   David: So it's a lot more dependent. It's a lot more granular, which helps you fill in the correct detail with mine. This is like the number one thing that people are just what attributes do I fill out? There's just so many and some of them are useless, but like what's important. So now that with 5.0, I think it's only going to get better and better, Walmart's going to keep showing even more information on how to utilize it, but with this it enables you to actually see more attributes that were previously only restricted to one fee, which is interesting, as well as which attributes they recommend that you do fill out in order to rank better. So how does it impact your rank? I think this is like leaning into that Walmart's actually trying to not necessarily focus so much on the. You know, obviously, conversion rate is the number one driver of rank right now, but they want to have attributes actually have a bigger impact on your rank, because discoverability to them is something that's so important. So if you have like a very specified search, they want to be able to show your product, not just because of your relevancy from keywords, but also your relevancy due to attributes. So that's why it's so important to fill them out.   David: I want to sort of tip about Amazon Fill out every attribute you can, even if it's just as N/A as long as that's an option, obviously or just type in something basic, even though it's not applicable to your product, just so that you have everything filled out. If anyone ever comes searching for you, you have literally all the information you need there. It might take you some extra time, but it's totally worth it because you're then setting yourself up for future success. It also limits the ability for someone to hijack your listing with content rights issues. Someone could just put your listing in and they could fill out one attribute and now all of a sudden, your listing's content rights restricted for that one thing which could be some miscellaneous attribute. So there is the opportunities for you as a seller and also opportunity for people that might want to try to harm you. Not recommended. But there is so much happening with Item Spec 5.0 and I'm excited to see the great impact because it is it is slowly rolling out for a lot of sellers. It's not fully live for everyone. We're able to see from the UI if there's like an add items or update items feature. You can see from your items page. You'll know if you're like in 4.0 or if you're still in a Harfian 5.0. So a lot of cool stuff there and excited to see what comes.   Carrie Miller: So if you download it and still in the 4.0, do you just write a case to ask to get the Item Spec 5.0? Is that?   David: I don't think they're going to help you with that. I don't think so. I think it's just going to like they'll just tell you like they might not even know what they're talking about, honestly, in that case, but they'll also just say it's rolling out. You'll get it when you get it.   Carrie Miller: Okay.   David: Yeah, I wouldn't I wouldn't push for you to ask your Sam If you have a Sam, maybe it's worth off to pick it up to them but oftentimes they'll also just say, you know, you're you'll get it in in September, you know. Hopefully everyone gets this sooner than later.   Carrie Miller: Definitely. Um, somebody in the comments said that the drop downs in spec 5.0 are not working. I don't know if you have any. Have you had any any experience with that, with the drop downs not working or kind of some glitches with this, with the spec sheets?   David: Interesting. So the drop downs are possibly for if it's great, look, if it's grayed out, is that what it is? It's something that's grayed out. But if it's grayed out it's not relevant to that product type. And is this specifically in a flat file? Because you'll notice when you go to edit an item and through, like the item page, it will. It will be a whole new layout. It's going to look a lot cleaner, a lot newer and instead of having three different tabs, it's all going to be on one page going down. Are you experiencing the same issues there? There are definitely issues and actually as of today, if you log into SolidSign, you'll see a line on top that says there's issues with files right now. So they are having some issues right now as a whole Walmart, so don't go crazy on them If it's still not working in a couple of days and once that banner goes away, that's something to definitely want to take a look at. See if it's something with the flat file, see if you're able to manually edit it. In that case, I definitely suggest opening a case. But I was just working on a file earlier this week and it seemed to be working just fine.   Carrie Miller: Okay, so I'm going gonna go in straight to the questions. We've got a lot of questions up here, so I'm excited about this, a lot of good interaction here. So the first one is we have brands A and B already on Walmart but would like to test B without setting up another account. Can we test list these, these products, on existing account that belongs to A? So I guess like testing products on different.   David: Yeah, yeah, I mean there's, there's absolutely no issue with that, the only thing that you might consider is that it's going to say sold on ship by the store name. So if it's brand A, as long as you're okay with saying like brand B product is being sold on the ship by brand A, like that might be something to consider but there's no issue. But another thing you might want to consider is that if you eventually want to have an account added for brand B, it's a bit of a pain to have to transfer the content rights from account one to account B, but it is possible. If you set up brand portal for brand B on account A, I don't recommend that. You're kind of setting yourself up for future failure. But unless you plan to run everything through one account. We've actually worked with a lot of aggregators unless you plan to run everything through one account, we've actually worked with a lot of aggregators and at first a lot of them had one brand, like one account per brand, and they realized it was just such a disaster. Also think of it from like Walmart's perspective like they don't track accounts together, they don't really group them together, so they treat them as like 10 different accounts and it was just too hard for them to deal with Walmart. Too hard for them, like they would have access to beta programs in some accounts but not others, so it actually consolidated all to one account. It can become a little bit of like a billing issue if you have, like, different legal entities, but I would recommend sticking to one account unless you have a fear of really like getting suspended. But I would just recommend staying clear of doing anything that would get you in that in the first place.   Carrie Miller: The next question is about the best way to bring reviews from Shopify or Amazon, if that's allowed.   David: This is a good question. So there's a few options here. So, firstly, you're not allowed to bring in reviews from Amazon. Amazon officially, according to the terms of service, they own their reviews. You're not allowed to bring them to Walmart. Walmart actually won't even allow you to upload them. Back in the day, you'd be able to get away with it even though it wasn't recommended, but these days you cannot do that. You can, however, bring in organic reviews from Shopify and as well as from other sites as well, just not Amazon specifically. So there is a free version through Walmart. You just go to reviewsindicationwalmart.com. You'll be able to sign up for it. You can work with your Sam to get access to. It is through a company called Aspective. I believe Walmart purchase them. There are other tools as well, like there's the Yotpo, which officially does it. There's also Bizarre Voice, which, if you're like a bigger brand, I want to go that route because it's in the case to many, many platforms. But for most of like Amazon sellers, I find this just very expensive for what you're looking for. So I would just check out again that reviews indication the online economy. You can also message them if you have any questions. Just reviewsindication at Walmart.com, we'll go to them.   Carrie Miller: All right. So the next one kind of goes with it, and it's about you know, is there a fine program on Walmart. So what is the similar program on Walmart?   David: Right. So, Walmart does have what they call the review accelerator program. There is a requirement in order to get into it, which is you do have to have a sale. Recently they did change some things up. It used to be limited to five reviews, now it's up to 10 reviews, and if you work with a service provider. I believe it's up to 20. It's available through growth opportunities. They charge $10 per review. They recently changed the specifics of the program so I don't want to misspeak over here, but if you look in you can see the exact details of like. Walmart is great with their guides, like their guides are amazing and they're typically up to date. Just click on the guides you can read through, like the whole program. But growth opportunities reviews indication, I'm sorry review accelerator program that will give you what you're looking for and you can enroll products. There's even something cool which they say is there, but I've never actually seen it's something called a pre-purchase. So post-purchase is very common, where someone purchases your product. Walmart will accept the buy and then give them a $3 credit to leave a review, you're not guaranteed to get a five-star review. Just keep that in mind. You could get a one-star review through the review accelerator program, but there's something called a pre-purchase, which I'm not sure when it's going to be enabled, but this actually will allow you to discount an item on Walmart in order to get a review up to 100% off. I've never seen it, but it's something that does exist in.   Carrie Miller: Wow.   David: You can see an option for this. You can enroll your items.   Carrie Miller: The next question is is SellCord able to get my Walmart account access to a Sam? Strategic account manager is a Sam. For anyone who doesn't know.   David: Right. For sure, we can definitely help with that. We work directly with Walmart. We have our own like agency level Sam and we work with them to in order to get a Sam through Walmart. Also, depending on what category and we work with a lot of categories we can even just reach out directly to other Sam's to try and get someone approved. They typically expect you to have good sales somewhere. We've seen randomly accounts get assigned to Sam. Walmart's trying to do like as much as they can, even for the lower end accounts, but for like. If you're like a smaller account, Walmart might not necessarily go for it, but if you could prove like sales to them, either from Amazon or from like another website, that's kind of the best way to get it. But we've had a lot of success with that. If you guys, if you want to reach out, we could definitely give that a shot.   Carrie Miller: All right, here's kind of a follow-up with. The other question Is Flash Deals, are Flash Deals offered to brand owners only?   David: No, you know, it's not restricted. Actually, here's a little fun, little fun fact there's sponsored brand ads, which is actually exclusive to brand owners right through advertising. You're not allowed to do if you sell, if you resell. But there's actually something called sponsored product, sponsored brand, like Flash Deals, which you can use, instead of having like the brand logo, to say flash deals and you can list your items that you're reselling. It's exclusively managed through Walmart you have to work with, like your product manager, but you can definitely run Flash Deals on items that you do not own the brand for.   Carrie Miller: Someone asked where do I download or where do you download spec 5.0 from?   David: It will either be on your account or not when you go to your items page to go ahead and make updates so you have like you have like on the top right Like add items or manage items. You'll just see from there it'll be a little bit of a different UI. Things will look a little bit different than they were before. Previous, it was like it would give you by template. You could update it by category or by g10 match now, just as like by g10 match or like by product or product, something like that. And if you click on like, do by g10 match that's my favorite to do it g10 match, just throwing all your g10s in there and just export the file and you'll see the name of the file will say 5.0, or we'll say something like 4.5.   Carrie Miller: Here's another question, should our brand prioritize matching Amazon's prices on Walmart or focus on offering flash deals?   David: Wow, this is, that's a great question. So, uh, I want to touch on this earlier with. I just want to talk about couponing, which I think would be something that also a long conversation, generally speaking, for most of you. Amazon is your main business and you shouldn't jeopardize your main business because of Amazon. If you're listing on Amazon is bringing in so much more than Walmart you don't want to risk losing your business there. We have found that Amazon is a little slow sometimes to catch price differences. We've been able to run a 10% flash deals for a week and actually be cheaper than Amazon, and the price on Amazon will. We won't lose the buy box and Amazon won't catch up. What I would just recommend is if you could get away with it for as long as you could and let's say Amazon does give you problems. Just quickly change your price on Amazon, just you got a monitor you gotta be on top of your game. What's cool is that coupons, which is also a beta program, is the only way, as of today, they able to actually offer a cheaper price on Walmart than on Amazon without having to lower your Amazon price at all. So there's a lot of strategy around that you could. Also, if you have a Sam, you can work with your Sam to be like, let's say, you want to get into a bigger program where they request like a 30% discount. You could do like 10% strike through and then a 20% coupon. They'll work with you and because they understand the Walmart damage on Walmart issue, I think that's the biggest issue Walmart's trying to deal with is how do you get a promo on Walmart without impacting Amazon? That's why Walmart loves Walmart-only sellers. They love these guys. They don't care about their Amazon, they're all invested in Walmart and there is maybe a strategy to having a Walmart-specific catalog. If you have a lot of different products develop bundles or even go back to virtual packs. Play around with things and see what you can do to differentiate your Walmart from your Amazon listings. There's also you could have a different UPC that you use on Walmart versus Amazon. I'm not sure that's going to last forever, but it does. It is a good way to keep Amazon from price matching your items.   Carrie Miller: Let's see the next question here. Once copy is set up, products are properly categories and PPC is running, other than those two and those three tasks, what? What are other daily, weekly, monthly tasks that SellCord would do to make my Walmart business successful? What could a new customer expect to see SellCord to be working on every month in their account?   David: So it's not just the copy on the categorization, there's also attributes. You know it's played a very big role, kind of spoke about, especially with items spec 5.0. And then PPC is really it's not a set end and forget. It's set up with Walmart. You know you want to make sure that you're constantly, you know, revisiting PPC, checking in daily, seeing how things are going, what's doing better, what's doing worse, especially at launch. It's so important to be tweaking things, you know. You see, we didn't really talk PPC strategy much, but learning what's happening, especially if you're new to Walmart, you can't just expect things to be a certain way. Every account, every listing has its own history, which is just so complex. It makes things so much fun just to be able to learn within each account. There's also constant work that you can do just to see like copy as well. It's not a set and I forget it situation. You want to test something out. You want to learn more keywords and implement them into your copy. You want to try out different categories, different product types, to see if you can succeed in different areas as well. There's also just working with brands to discuss promotion strategies, to just continuously work and figure things out. There's also constant audits you have to do on your listings.   David: Walmart is like I'm not going to say notorious. It doesn't sound nice, but your images could just revert back. Your variation could split up your copy. If you have multiple paragraphs, it's squished into one paragraph. These things happen all the time. There's constant audits that you have to do just to make sure your things are, your content is good, and then it's just about primarily utilizing PPC as well as just promotional strategies to grow and grow, and there's also a lot of tracking information you know you have many items you want to be able to see. Let's say, keyword tracking. You know how. Am I ranking for my main keywords? Am I doing well overall? Is there more opportunity? Do I need to go more aggressively? Because even in ads like, are you ROAS focused or are you trying to just grow general sales? There's so much to go, depending on your strategy, Just like we deal with many, many different size accounts. We deal with accounts that are doing literally $5,000,10,000 a month. And then there's also nine figure Walmart sellers. You know that are PPC isn't necessarily their larger thing. It's about like having a strong pricing strategy because they have to win by $1. And then, not even having big margins, they just have to just make units sell. So so many different strategies depending on the count types.   Carrie Miller: All right. Last question what program is best for keywords on Walmart and for optimizing your listing in general?   David: Okay, so I'm a little biased over here, folks. So obviously Helium 10 is a fantastic tool for any keyword research. I live in Cerebro and Magnet. The fact that they're available for Walmart, I love it. It shows you. I mean, the amount of data that's in there is just fascinating. You can learn immediately what your top keywords are for your product. They have a search volume which is so impactful. It shows you historical so you can see, since it's seasonality, you can see one was this product doing well. It gives you the past, like two years or something like that's great. It'll really show you like where and when you can expect to do well. You also have to do the work you can't just like go here's everything. Do the work, make sure you're not hitting branded keywords, make sure they're relevant to your product, obviously. But it is really solid in terms of just keyword research, very, very highly recommended. In terms of optimization auger listings program-wise. I am also biased here, but that's just because this is what we do. We do listing optimization as a company, so obviously I'm going to plug SellCord, Carrie does Helium 10 have some sort of like AI tool to optimize listings for Walmart.   Carrie Miller: So we do. We have a Listing Builder and as you, basically, you put the keywords in a keyword bank and then, as you write them into your listing, they get crossed off, so you make sure that they're fully optimized. So yeah, we have a Listing Builder that will help you to optimize using the keywords you find with Cerebro for Walmart.   David: I'm sure it's fantastic. I mean, obviously we have a self core strategy, but I mean you guys make amazing tools. Definitely give it a shot.   Carrie Miller: All right, that's all we have. Thank you so much, David, for answering all those questions. We had a lot of great questions, and definitely David's the you know the best to ask all these amazing questions too. So thank you so much, David, for being on. And again, if you are interested in SellCord, David, can you say your email address and how they can get in contact with you again?   David: For sure. You can send us an email to david@sellcord.com S-E-L-L-C-O-R-D.com. You can do info@sellcord.com. If you want just more general, hit us up. Visit our website. Sign up over there. There's a lot to talk about.   Carrie Miller: All right, sounds good. Thank you everyone for joining and we hope you have a great rest of the day. Bye, everyone.  

A Riveting Story of Raw Emotion. . . “Dad, I let you down!"   Special Announcement  The long awaited Feeling Great App is now available in app stores. IOS and android! Check it out. Take a free ride! And now, on with today's podcast! Part 1 of 2 Our work with Chris started with this email: Hi David and Jill, I am 40 years old and have never been in a relationship. I've only had a handful of sexual experiences. I used to carry a lot of shame around this, but have done some work on myself, have more or less come to terms with where I'm at, and actually really enjoy my life and am pretty happy most of the time. However, I recently developed some strong feelings towards a coworker, and this led me to re-evaluate my stance on being single. The DML (LINK) details an incident from last week concerning this coworker. I haven't had extensive interactions with her and she works at a different site. Our clinical team meets twice monthly for online zoom meetings. She recommended a book to the team a few months ago, I read the book and enjoyed it, and was hoping to meet up with her and talk about it sometime. I was feeling a little terrified and didn't know if it was the right thing to do, but ultimately sent her an email asking if she'd like to speak with me about the book sometime. She politely declined the invitation. The daily mood log documents the hour or two immediately after I sent the email, as well as some of the thoughts that happened after I received her reply. There were a lot of negative thoughts, so I only included a few. There were also a number of hidden thoughts/beliefs that occurred to me over the last few days, which I have not included. It seems worth noting that for 2-3 hours after I sent the email, I experienced a lot of emotional turmoil. However, at 4pm when I got off work, from the long drive home until I went to bed, I was in a euphoric state. I was happy about what I did, how I responded to the rejection, and was optimistic about my future. I was working out at the gym and had a hard time keeping a smile off my face. I went to bed feeling great, but woke up in the middle of the night and felt terrible again, the painful sting of rejection kept me from sleeping. Since then, I've mostly felt just fine about it, only a few brief moments of really feeling that sting and they don't last long. My goal isn't to necessarily get into a relationship or have more sex; it's to feel more confident in my interactions with women. After being rejected, I think 15 seconds of agony is enough, no need for more than that. In the past, when I've developed strong feelings towards a woman, I notice that I am prone to both negative and positive distortions, some version of: "It's the end of the world if she isn't attracted to me," or "She's perfect for me; there is no one else like her," or "Sex with a beautiful woman will complete my life, or completely fulfill me". I think I'd be better off without these distortions, but find the positive distortions to be somewhat addictive. They also make it hard for me to let go and move on. I still feel somewhat attached to this woman and haven't been able to let go and move on. Also, I want to note that there are a few experiences from high school that really impacted my sexuality, relationship with women, and probably inform some core beliefs on these subjects that have recently come to surface. I'm not sure how much to share about this or whether it's even necessary to, but I suppose that could be addressed in the empathy phase on Tuesday. One other thing that I didn't include in the DML, is when I'm in that negative state, sometimes I have intense thoughts directed at me that come in the form of the second person, like You're a piece of shit. I fucking hate you. Cut your throat You don't deserve to be alive. I'll fucking kill you. I don't really believe these thoughts, but they do make me sad. Hope this all makes sense, let me know if you have questions or if I'm missing something. Looking forward to working with you. Thanks, Chris This email led to personal work with Chris in our Tuesday TEAM-CBT training group, roughly one year ago. Dr. Jill Levitt, the Director of Training at the Feeling Good Institute in Mountain View, California, was my co-therapist. It was one of the rawest and most riveting sessions that I can recall. Here is the Daily Mood Log he sent, along with his Daily Mood Log: Daily Mood Log Due to the intensely personal, explosive revelations Chris shared with us during his session, he decided he did not want us to publicize his work as a podcast, which was totally understandable. Our highest priority is always the peace, safety, confidentiality, and well-being of the people we work with. However, roughly a year later, Chris contacted us and said he'd changed his mind, which was fantastic news. He said he'd changed his mind because he had a relapse, and decided to listen to the recording of the work you're about to hear. He said it was extremely helpful, and so he decided to let go and share it with the world. I think you will find his personal work, published as usual as two consecutive podcasts without editing, to be mind-blowing, jaw-dropping, intensely inspiring and moving. One word of caution is that his voice is soft and at times difficult to hear. We decide to publish it in spite of this because of the overwhelming power of his work. We are now setting up a professional quality recording studio and hope to record more sessions for you in the highest possible video and audio quality so we can bring you more inspiring Feeling Good Podcasts as well as live therapy sessions. In the meantime, here is part 1 of our work with Chris. Next week, you'll hear part 2. Thanks so much for listening today! Chris, Rhonda, and David End of Part 1 Thank you for listening. Tune in next week for the exciting conclusion of our work with Chris! Chris, Rhonda, Jill, and David

Ask David Unfairness Worthwhileness Erasing Depression with Lasers TEAM in the UK What's the Most Powerful Technique? We have lots of great questions today. The answers in the show notes were written prior to the podcast, and the answers in the live podcast as we discussed these questions may differ somewhat or amplify the written materials in these show notes. We love your questions. Remember to send them to David@feelinggood.com. Special Announcement Attend the Legendary Summer Intensive Featuring Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt August 8 - 11. 2024 Learn Advanced TEAM-CBT skills Heal yourself, heal your patients First Intensive in 5 years! It will knock your socks off! Limited Seating--Act Fast Click for registration / more information! Sadly, this workshop is a training program which will be limited to therapists and mental health professionals and graduate students in a mental health field  Apologies, but therapists have complained when non-therapists have attended our continuing education training programs. This is partly because of the intimate nature of the small group exercises and the personal work the therapists may do during the workshop. Certified coaches and counselors are welcome to attend. But there's some good news, too! The Feeling Great App is now available in both app stores (IOS and Android) and is for therapists and the general public, and you can take a ride for free! Check it out! Today's Questions Kiernan asks about “unfairness” and the connection between worthwhileness and achievement. Brittany asks: Can you “erase” feelings of sadness and depression by shining lasers in the patient's eyes? James asks about the use of TEAM methods in the NHS in the UK Brian asks: Is positive reframing the most successful technique you have used with your patients? 1. Kieran asks (slightly edited for clarity): How would you talk back to negative thoughts like this one: “It's not fair that I can't afford quality food when there are millionaires that will have access to better food and a healthier lifestyle which has an effect on overall health and longevity'”? Or what if you feel like it's unfair that you should have to pay a lot of money for an expensive dental treatment that you can't afford? Kieran also asks (slightly edited by david): What if worthwhileness is not based on achievement but there are still things you would like to have and enjoy? They would buy and own things that they happen to like and not to impress others. Hi David and Ronda, and if Matt is on I have been listening to your wonderful podcast for about the last 3 years as I drive to work. It has really opened my eyes about how your thoughts create your interpersonal reality. Loved the podcasts on jealousy addiction, perfectionism, achievement addiction and many more. My questions would be: What about if someone wants to achieve more but it isn't based on worthwhileness? They would buy and own things that they happen to like and not to impress others. Let's say they wanted to be able to afford a nice house, healthier higher quality food and water. As the quality does have an effect on health especially in the US as the regulations are not the greatest. However, the fact that they couldn't afford to buy these upsets them? Thoughts: 'It's not fair that I can't afford quality food but there are millionaires that will have access to better food, lifestyle which has an effect on overall health and longevity' Or if someone has to pay for unexpected expensive dental treatment. Thoughts: 'It's not fair that I have to pay £14,000 for this treatment'. 'It should be more affordable to lower income households, as it is essential to have functional teeth' I hope I have explained this well, I would love to hear your thoughts. Keep doing what you are doing and all the best. Kieran   David's response Sure Kieran, if you like I will make this an Ask David question for a podcast. LMK if that's okay, and if it is okay to use your first name. Great question, and has to do with the theme of acceptance: should I or shouldn't I? Here are the quick versions, but we can discuss in more detail on the live podcast. First, I do not find it useful to base my worthwhileness on my achievements or on my failures. I do work hard and like creating things that are helpful to people, and I enjoy earning money to support my family. I can be motivated to work hard to get things we want or need, but I don't base anyone's worthwhileness on how much money they have, or anything, to be honest. In fact, I could also easily accept wanting to buy something really cool, not just because I like it, but because it might impress others, or because they might find it fascinating, too! I don't try to regulate my life with a lot of shoulds and shouldn'ts, and find that I am happier and more peaceful without lots of shoulds. In the Feeling Great App I have created a class called “Your PhD in Shoulds.” You might enjoy it! Second, you can say that it is unfair that some people have more money and resources than other people if you like. And you have every right to feel angry if that's what you want, as well. Acceptance is more of a decision than a technique. Take the fact that lions kill deer when they are hungry. You can say, “they should not do that. It's unfair!” But that won't stop a hungry lion. You don't have to LIKE seeing a lion kill an innocent deer, but you can accept it. Again, that's a choice. The behavior of a lion is dominated by millions of years of evolution. Humans are no different. One thing that sometimes helps is to make a list all the REALLY GOOD reasons NOT to accept the “unfairness” in the world. I'll bet you could come up with at least ten to fifteen strong reasons. Then you can ask yourself, “Given all those good reason NOT to accept the fact that some people have more and some people have fewer resources, maybe I should just stay good and angry! Why in the world would I want to change?” Also, when you find an injustice, you can use your energy being good and angry, and complain about it, or you can use your energy to do something about it. Or, you can also work to change yourself, instead of complaining about the world. I also have a new class on acceptance. It's called, “Accept this shit? Hell NO!” You might like it as well. I am babbling so will stop. Warmly, david   2. Brittany asks: Can you “erase” feelings of sadness and depression by shining lasers in the patient's eyes? Hi David, My husband's boss was telling him she's going to be doing some laser therapy to “cure” her depression. She had to undergo 9 hours of testing to see if she'd be a candidate. Apparently, they plan to shine lasers in her eyes to “erase” her sadness. Obviously, I assume this is a load of garbage. But have you ever heard of such a thing? Is this just hypnosis? Best, Brittany David's Reply Hi Brittany, Probably. As they say, follow the money! There is a placebo effect if you believe something will help, so tons of garbage gets served up as costly gourmet food. You can read up on this on the internet I suspect. Let me know what you learn! Best, david Brittany responds to David Love your answer! I was looking into it and read they use a cold laser in the eyes which allegedly releases endorphins. I already know from you that just like with exercise and that study about the endorphin blockers, it made no difference. People just feel better because they think they are doing something good for their body by exercising. They also allege that the lasers aid damaged neurological tissue. They claim it has helped many patients but there is no data backing it up that I see. They really lost me when I read that lack of activity, stress, and maternal deprivation cause depression in the first place. Thanks! Brittany David adds As it turns out, I know two laser experts who are regulars on my Sunday hikes. Dr. Alexander Makowski is a brilliant scientist who is involved in the research and development of lasers and their marketing. Here is his email, along with some terrific links to articles about the hype of “low light lasers.” Hope you enjoy the email and links from Alex: Hi David, I'll chime in too! From a different angle. Zak knows some great doctors who are doing real work, but the general field of low-level laser/ light therapy (LLLT) for medical issues has been fraught with charlatans for some years. (David note: Zak is a laser expert at the Stanford Medical School and is currently preparing a blog on the topic of LLLT. I will include a link to her blog when it is published, likely in a couple weeks. She is awesome and also often joins our Sunday hikes!) Dr, Alex Makowsy continues Good work by Tiina Kaaru (https://www.spiedigitallibrary.org/profile/Tiina.Karu-8010) and Juanita Anders (https://www.usuhs.edu/profile/juanita-anders-ms-phd) on mechanisms behind using light to stimulate our mitochondria or deactivate infectious bacteria are well documents However, the good work done by the few was overshadowed and worse, was perverted for many years into crackpot devices using bad stats and poorly designed studies. Or sometimes just straight preying on vulnerable people. It is the great shame of the laser industry. Worse yet, some of these devices were actual lasers that led to people getting hurt. I can't recommend in good conscience that lasers be shone into eyes at any time other than diagnostic devices meant to diagnose the eye itself. It may be that some day soon a good scientific body of evidence changes my stance but not yet... The story starts in the origin of my journey into light and lasers. I got involved in this field in 2005 while taking an elective class on optics and lasers when I got a call from my mom that she was seeking a laser therapy for her fibromyalgia. My mother's desire to get her fibromyalgia treated with a "cold laser" pulled me into this field since I was taking a class with a professor who later became my doctoral mentor. A full semester of my free time disappeared as I tried to source out of print articles and do a deep dive on whether this was real or garbage. A research term paper and a conference visit later I could finally see the same trends you saw with medication. I talked her out of the potentially dangerous unproven device usage. [As you may have suspected, In fact my mom was having significant issues in her marriage and life and a very good doctor set her straight. My mom divorced and is now happily remarried, about 95 pounds lighter, no fibromyalgia or serious insomnia. If only we had known you back then she would have recovered in a session or two rather than 3 years] However, in the process, I dug into some of the real research that small doses of light can affect our bodies in ways we don't understand fully due to lack of research. Fast forward several decades and some of the best researchers survived the public scandal of LLLT and found a scientific mechanism (cytochrome c oxidase activation) to explain observed changes in mitochondrial activity. However, the scientists don't claim to cure everything or anything. Then they published this mitochondrial activation and suddenly: This, of course, proves that blogablum does in fact exist and now the truth about the panacea is available for all!! David note: “blogablum” is a fake nonsense word I made up that refers to nothing meaningful. Now continuing with the Alex email: This is a good review of the history and current evidence about it : https://www.mcgill.ca/oss/article/medical-critical-thinking/hype-around-photobiomodulation But if you want the real goods, the hard truth about cold lasers has been out there for over 15 years: Introducing the New Low Level Laser Treatment! youtu.be The following search on YouTube will reveal the secrets of the universe: "cold laser before:2009" Warmly, Alexander J Makowski, Ph.D. Dr. Matt May's reply Hi David, Thank you for forwarding this question to me.  I am very concerned and wonder if this may fall under the category of 'malpractice'. For one, I am unaware of any FDA approved treatment for depression that involves shining lasers into people's eyes to erase their sad memories.  For a list of FDA approved treatments for depression, you could refer to: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK559078/ It's possible that there is new evidence I'm not aware of, but I searched online for studies of light in treatment of depression and was unable to find any placebo-controlled trials.  This is a problem because placebo responses can be so high in the case of depression and anxiety.  There were some studies on light therapy, but nothing fitting the description of 'shining lasers into eyes to erase sad memories'. Other concerns I have relate to the high cost of such an extensive “evaluation”, as well as possible risk of shining lasers into someone's eyes.  In the absence of evidence supporting the treatment, it seems like a high cost, and potential risk, to the patient, hence my concern for malpractice. It's pretty common for people with depression to feel a sense of desperation, especially after many failed efforts to address their symptoms.  This group of individuals are likely to be extremely susceptible to scams and purveyors of 'snake oil' (sham treatments). It's also concerning to me because the theory behind the idea of shining light into people's eyes to erase sadness doesn't make logical sense to me.  It's a potentially-testable hypothesis, but it's such an absurd hypothesis that I don't see it as worth testing or entertaining. If we are defining depression as some combination of worthless, hopeless, ashamed and guilty feelings, then the hypothesis that such feelings could be meaningfully addressed by such a crude instrument as a laser or a pill or an electrical impulse is absurd. This is because our feelings arise from our thoughts/perceptions.  I've never met a single person or patient who was suffering from depression but had healthy positive thoughts about themselves.  I've also never met someone who had patterns of negative thinking, but felt fine, up-beat and positive. The idea that a pill, a laser, a magnetic pulsation or electrical current could selectively alter the specific thoughts that cause depression doesn't make sense with what we know about the brain and thoughts and feelings.  How could a pill, for example, which crosses the blood-brain barrier and impacts every neuron in the brain, selectively target only the neurons that give rise to depressed thinking?  It's like imagining that we could carpet-bomb a city but only kill the murderers and rapists. I'd encourage all potential clients who are receiving treatment for depression or other conditions to ask their providers for literature that documents the effectiveness of the treatment and to get a second opinion if they are unsure. These are my 2-cents on the topic and I could be completely wrong about it all.  Hoping to hear from others what they think. Also, David, I saw several other people included in the invitation to respond to this question but I didn't see them cc'd.  Perhaps they were bcc'd? Wishing you the best, fondly, Matt David's reply to Matt Thanks, yes, I have a fantastic response already in the show notes from Dr. Alex Makowski who does research and development of lasers with valid medical applications. His thrust is similar to yours. Our field is littered with junk “scientism” intended to fool and exploit people, similar to the snake oil salespeople who use to go from town to town in America selling magical “elixirs” that “cured” just about everything! But people are endlessly gullible, and con artists are still in endless abundance these days, it seems! Best, david Will add your kind and thoughtful comment to the show notes!   3. James asks about the use of TEAM methods in the NHS in the UK. Hi Rhonda, I hope you are well. I had a couple of questions for an 'ask David' on the podcast if that's okay. A bit of background.... I am Level 1 Team and have attended David's training in Atlanta. I live in the UK and have recently changed career to work in the NHS delivering CBT interventions for patients because David's work inspired me so much. The NHS uses specific interventions for particular diagnoses and because I am in training I have to try and stick to this. I do use the TEAM materials and approach when I can and have already seen some great results. The NHS uses 'Behavioural Activation' for certain patients with Depression and I just wondered what David thought about the effectiveness of this (perhaps compared to Cognitive Restructuring). I believe Beck introduced this into the CBT model as he thought it was useful. Another question was regarding treatment of GAD and whether dividing worries between hypothetical and practical, and then using a certain time to actually worry rather than letting the worries dominate throughout the day was something he thought was useful or had heard about. Thanks so much for all the great work you are all doing and inspiring people all over the world! Kind Regards James Bibby. David's response Hi James, Thanks for the great questions. In today's recording of an upcoming Ask David podcast, we can address: The history of “Behavioral Activation,” including the pros and cons of this approach. The history and pros and cons of “Worry Breaks.” The idea of matching a “technique” to a “diagnosis,” as opposed to learning to treat the whole patient with TEAM. The results of our latest research with the Feeling Great App, and whether it might have some value for patients struggling with depression and anxiety disorders in the UK. Best, David Matt's Thots: Great question! I'm looking forward to discussing. There are certainly some techniques that are more effective, than others, for addressing specific negative thoughts. Meanwhile there are a number of problems that come up when we are, as clinicians, throwing solutions at diagnoses, rather than treating the human being who is suffering. Studies on the treatment of PTSD at the VA, for example, showed veterans often got worse after this approach, in which their diagnosis was matched with a method, ‘prolonged exposure', without any agenda-setting. This just retraumatized lots of veteran! Similarly, if someone is secretly blaming, and haven't experienced the ‘death of the blaming self', they might be assigned ‘communication skills training', only to see this backfire, because their intent is still to try to change someone, rather than accept them. You might tell a patient with depression that they should go exercise, only to cause them to resist you, ‘you don't understand, I can't even get out of bed!'. In short, most therapy fails or even makes patients worse because it doesn't consider the good reasons to continue to blame, give up, criticize ourselves, etc. 4. Brian asks: Is positive reframing the most successful technique you have used with your patients? I can see how it would cure someone in 2 hours! Feel free to use my question and do and use my name if you wish. I'd be honored. Best, Brian David's reply Hi Brian, Thanks. Great question! It's one of the latest powerful techniques, but Ext of Voices might still be the “champion.” Using them in the T, E, A, M sequence is especially powerful. Positive Reframing often gets them closer, but not quite all the way to enlightenment. Externalization of voices (EOV) often gets them over the finish line, especially if you know how to use it skillfully, incorporating Self-Defense with the Acceptance Paradox and Counter-Attack Technique! In fact, you can incorporate many of my > 100 techniques when using EOV, such as Be Specific, Semantic Technique, Examine the Evidence, and a host of other. Best, david Matt's comments I agree, Positive Reframing and Externalization of Voices are incredibly powerful and it's often what we're doing when we see recoveries. What works for a given individual, however, is quite hard to predict, in advance and there's a ‘process' to therapy, such that we can't really skip steps, except in some unusual circumstances. Some other super-powerful methods include Externalization of Resistance, Double Standard, Flooding, Feared Fantasy, and the Hidden Emotion Technique. I'm probably forgetting some. Thanks for listening today! Matt, Rhonda and David

Ask David Bipolar, the Dark Side, Changing Behavior We have lots of great questions today. The answers in the show notes were written prior to the podcast, and the answers in the live podcast as we discussed these questions may differ somewhat or amplify the written materials in these show notes. We love your questions. Remember to send them to David@feelinggood.com. Announcement: Our awesome summer intensive is returning after a long, five years due to the pandemic. It is typically the most outstanding and rewarding TEAM-CBT training of the year, and it will take place again and the wonderful South San Francisco Conference Center from August 8 – 11, 2025. You can attend in person if you register soon, since in-person seating will be strictly limited and only a small number are still available. You can also attend the online, live-streamed version of this program at a substantial discount. The online experience and small group exercises will be similar for the in-person and online participants. Check out the details, including early-bird discounts, at www.cbtintensive.com www.cbtintensive.com Hope to see you there! Warmly, david Today's Questions Alison asks: I have bipolar Disorder and I have had trouble challenging my negative thoughts. I'm suffering. What can I do NAME WITHHELD asks: Can or should a person really and truly accept their dark side? Trainor asks: In TEAM there is a strong emphasis on changing the way you think. But is it sometimes also important to change your behavior, or to make real changes in your life, or to help others who need help changing their circumstances==for example, people who are struggling in poverty.   1. Alison asks: I have bipolar Disorder and I have had trouble challenging my negative thoughts. I'm suffering. What can I do? Hi David, Many years ago I used your book to beat depressive thinking… in the last three years I've been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and have found my depressive thinking too difficult to budge with your book. I'm really suffering; any ideas about what I could do? Thank you for your service to humanity. I always recommend your book. David's response Hi Alison, A therapist could help. The new Feeling Great App could help. And tons of free resources at www.feelinggood.com. In addition, can you please give me an example of the negative thoughts you can't budge. Then we can point things out in the podcast and try to figure out why you're getting stuck! I have found that doing cognitive therapy / TEAM-CBT with individuals with Bipolar Disorder is exceptionally helpful during the depressed (not manic) phase, and works pretty much the same way as with anyone who's feeling down. Best, david   2. NAME WITHHELD asks: Can or should a person really and truly accept their dark side? Hello David, My name is NAME WITHHELD and I am doing my PhD degree in Neuroimmunology in LOCATION WITHHELD. I had come across your book feeling good and your podcasts by one of my therapists - they have had an immense impact on my way of thinking. I really love disarming and using “I feel” statements to connect! I had also realized that by finding some genuine truth in a person's belief even if it sounds ridiculous, I would automatically develop certain level of respect for that person! I really love that! I feel really happy that I can respect a person even without accepting his/her beliefs!! I am now working on my distortions. I really love working on my mind that way. Anyway, I have wanted to ask you if a person CAN accept his/her dark side? I seemed to have loathed myself for quite a long time and couldn't stand living alone without a partner or a person around. I hated myself for disrespecting my mother whilst growing up. But, sometime during Dec last year, I had had an epiphany of why things happened the way they did and somehow, I learnt that the reason why I had disrespected my mother was because my father, after their separation, kept filling my mind about how wrong my mother was for breaking up the family and I believed him because I had a good rapport with him, than I had with my mother. Also, my mother was very awkward in building a relationship with me and I had misconstrued that with her indifference towards me. After that, I stopped hurting myself over it because I had learnt to empathize with myself then. I sobbed profusely that day. Is it really possible to truly accept yourself? I feel at ease a lot more these days than I used to before. But I also have to battle my distortions too on a regular basis! Please help me out here! Thank you so much for everything that you have done!! I really love your work!! Regards, NAME WITHHELD David's reply Thanks so much. I hid your name and location, and hope that's okay, and we WILL include your excellent question on our upcoming podcast. My brief reply is that all human beings have a “dark side,” and that we are far better off accepting it, as opposed to denying it and seeing ourselves as “totally good,” because then we might see others as “totally bad,” and feel morally superior. This dynamic is the cause of wars and a great deal pf hatred and suffering.   3. Trainor asks: In TEAM there is a strong emphasis on changing the way you think. But is it sometimes also important to change your behavior, or to make real changes in your life, or to help others who need help changing their circumstances--for example, people who are struggling in poverty. Hey David! I have asked several questions over the years (I asked about A.I. which I much enjoyed the episode on that!), so feel free to ignore this email if you feel I've overburdened you guys. Anyway, I had a question about changing thoughts versus circumstances. You often say that our thoughts create all of our emotional and interpersonal realities. I thought maybe a better or more nuanced definition would be to also mention that events CAN change our feelings but they do so through changing our thoughts. I have heard Matt May mention this idea in some circumstances as the "low road to recovery." Where you actually get the thing you think you need and as a result feel better. However, I thought about certain situations where changing the circumstance could also be a valid solution to an individual's problems. Take someone living in poverty, I am certain that CBT could help this person change their emotions around the experience of living in poverty. But would bringing the individual out of poverty be considered a "low road to recovery"? Or could we say that bringing someone out of poverty is also a valid way of changing their emotional distress? Like sort of how therapists use both exposure and cognitive techniques to quell phobias or certain anxieties. I personally like this definition because it includes the ability to change your circumstances as a method to change your thinking, without it being the only method. It also makes sense in a world where people want to make changes in society (giving women the right to vote, ending child labor) and create environments that foster positive thinking. I think so much focus on the cognition (while fundamentally true) makes it feel like people should focus exclusively on changing the way they think about a situation. When, in reality, it seems like we can both change our circumstances and thinking simultaneously to make our lives better. Anyway, just wanted to know what you thought about this idea. Thanks for everything you do, Trainor Peters P.S. I have nearly completed my first year of my psychology undergrad to become a counselor. In great part to you and all the wonderful people on your podcast. So, thank you! David's reply. Thanks, Trainor, I will add this excellent question to our Ask David list, if that's okay, and discuss with Matt and Rhonda on a podcast. My hospital in Philadelphia was located in an inner-city neighborhood, and many (perhaps most) of our patients have very limited resources. Some were homeless, and many had not completed the 5th grade. This gave me abundant opportunities to work with people with “real” problems in addition to their distorted perceptions. In addition, I have always emphasized that sometimes you need to change the way you behave in the “real” world in addition to changing the way you think about it. We'll give these topics a deeper dive on the live podcast discussion. And, best of luck in your ongoing training! Once you are in a graduate program, you will be eligible, if interested, to join one of our two free weekly TEAM-CBT training groups, which are both virtual. Warmly, david Thanks for listening today! Rhonda and David Special Announcement Attend the legendary Summer Intensive Featuring Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt August 8 - 11. 2024 Learn Advanced TEAM-CBT skills Heal yourself, heal your patients First Intensive in 5 long years. It will knock your socks off! Limited Seating--Act Fast! Click for registration / more information! Sadly, this workshop is a training program which will be limited to therapists and mental health professionals and graduate students in a mental health field  Apologies, but therapists have complained when non-therapists have attended our continuing education training programs. This is partly because of the intimate nature of the small group exercises and the personal work the therapists may do during the workshop. Certified coaches and counselors are welcome to attend. But there's some good news, too! The Feeling Great App is now available in both app stores (IOS and Android) and is for therapists and the general public, and you can take a ride for free! Check it out!

Ask David, Rhonda and Matt Assertiveness, Suppressing your Feelings, and the "Miracle Cure" question Questions for today's Ask David podcast. Chris asks if I have a book about assertiveness. Brian asks: Is there anything to the theory that "suppressing emotions" is harmful or is that just Freudian mumbo jumbo? Matt asks about the “Miracle Cure” question in the Assessment of Resistance portion of a TEAM therapy session. Rhonda began with a lovely endorsement and a cool reminder of the classic book, Robinson Crusoe, who created cognitive therapy (the double column technique) when he was stranded on a deserted island! I believe I wrote about it in one of my books, possibly Feeling Good. It's pretty cool! You will hear Matt playing the role of the “evil” thoughts, like, “I am stranded alone on a deserted island,” and Rhonda will play the role of the “good” thoughts, like, “Yes, but my life was spared, and all of my shipmates died.” Here's what it looks like in the novel: Evil. Good. I am cast upon a horrible, desolate island, void of all hope of recovery.     But I am alive; and not drowned, as all my ship's company were. I am singled out and separated, as it were, from all the world, to be miserable.     But I am singled out, too, from all the ship's crew, to be spared from death; and He that miraculously saved me from death can deliver me from this condition. I am divided from mankind—a solitaire; one banished from human society.     But I am not starved, and perishing on a barren place, affording no sustenance. I have no clothes to cover me.     But I am in a hot climate, where, if I had clothes, I could hardly wear them. I am without any defence, or means to resist any violence of man or beast.     But I am cast on an island where I see no wild beasts to hurt me, as I saw on the coast of Africa; and what if I had been shipwrecked there? I have no soul to speak to or relieve me.     But God wonderfully sent the ship in near enough to the shore, that I have got out as many necessary things as will either supply my wants or enable me to supply myself, even as long as I live. I know this novel is a couple hundred years old, so it certainly deserves nomination of the earliest cognitive therapy! Now, for the answers to today's Ask David questions. Keep in mind that these answers were written BEFORE today's recording, so the actual live answers will differ in some regards from the written answers below.   1. Chris asks if I have a book about assertiveness. Hi Dr. Burns, I hope you're doing well. Do you have a book on assertiveness training? I've used your books to help me with my hidden "should" statements, which has enabled me to be less angry or anxious whenever someone treats me less than satisfactorily. While this has helped immensely, I realize it's still in my interest to reduce the behavior I disagree with. For example, my sibling scheduled an early morning shift after I had a long day of work. Because they can't drive, they expect me to take them to work, which means I'll only get about 5 hours of sleep; this in itself isn't a bad thing... except this is the 3rd time in a row they've done this. After using your techniques, I'm less angry and anxious, but I still want to address the behavior to reduce the likelihood that they do something like this again, which is why I'm reaching out. Thanks for your help. Kind regards, Chris David's Reply Sure. I like my own book, Feeling Good Together, and have often recommended Manuel Smith's When I Say NO I Feel Guilty. There is a LOT to be said about assertiveness training, including the fact that it doesn't always work! I can give a great personal account of that! Sometimes, or always, skillful listening is also effective. Assertiveness without listening makes it sound like only your own feelings are important, which is obviously pretty self-centered. One of the most helpful things to me is the difference between healthy and unhealthy anger, and how to express tough messages in a loving, respectful way. Can discuss more on the show. For example, what are the problems with the assertiveness movement? And where can it be helpful? And what mistakes do unassertive individuals make when trying to be more assertive? Do they sometimes overdo it? Warmly, david   2. Brian asks: Is there anything to the theory that "suppressing emotions" is harmful or is that just Freudian mumbo jumbo? Thanks!! David's reply. Thanks, Brian. Great question! You can listen to the podcasts on the Hidden Emotion Technique, or read about it in my book, When Panic Attacks. Will make this an Ask David question if that's okay!   3. Matt asks about the “Miracle Cure” question in the Assessment of Resistance portion of a TEAM therapy session. Hi David, I've noticed that when I ask the 'miracle cure' question or 'magic wand' question, I'll sometimes get a response that isn't all that useful and I might waste time trying to figure out what the person is really asking for. An example might be, 'I want to be able to support and understand my husband, who is addicted to video games and spends a lot of our money on games'. I've found it helpful, in such situations, to ask, 'let's imagine you could achieve that goal, you were perfectly understanding and supportive, at all times, of your husband, who is addicted to video games and spends a lot of your money on games...what would change, in your life, if all your dreams came true?' I think this might help in a lot of cases where the agenda is a bit fuzzy and unclear. Wishing you the best! Matt   David's response Matt and I exchanged several emails we'll discuss on the podcast. Essentially, I don't think this woman is asking for understanding why her husband is addicted to video games and spends money on them. Instead, she is secretly blaming him and is probably angry with him for not spending time with her! She wants to change him. Matt agreed with this and has proposed a new tool therapists can use when setting the agenda. I, David, also raised the problem of “hearing the music” behind the patient's words. This is incredibly important—but hard for therapists to learn—when using the Disarming Technique. They have a tendency to agree with the patient's words in a literal way without “hearing” what the patient is really trying to say. If you use any form of therapy literally, with really grasping the patient's feelings, your treatment will not be effective or helpful. There is a human art to therapy, and following rigid formulas simply won't come across as compassionate or genuine most of the time. That's why I am dubious about testing different therapies with outcome studies with human therapists. You are actually testing the impact of a miscellaneous group of therapists with potentially widely divergent skill sets. This is one of the many reasons why psychotherapy outcome studies for depression all come out about the same—somewhat better than placebos, but not much better. And there's been no one winner when using human therapists. Dr. Paul Crits-Christoph from the University of Pennsylvania Department of Psychology once published a study showing that the differences between therapists within each arm of an outcome study were grater than the differences between the two schools of therapy! That's why I've been so excited about analyzing data from our beta tests with the Feeling Great App. Each “patient” gets the exact same shrink! This makes the “dose” of the TEAM done by the computer the same for each patient, much like an outcome study of a medication. TEAM is a actually series of metaphors! If you don't “get” the metaphors, and try to apply TEAM in an overly literal way, you'll have a lot of trouble learning TEAM! David   Matt's Musings: David is incredibly gifted when it comes to ‘hearing the music' behind what folks are saying, verbally. I suspect this is partially an innate gift, like someone who's a prodigy at math, only for emotional states and understanding people. After years of practice, I'm not quite as good as David. However, I think there were specific forms of experience that helped me improve my skill ‘hearing the music'. In addition to using measurement and processing feedback with my patients, one thing that helped me a lot was using a lot of ‘uncovering techniques'. These include the ‘What If' technique, to expose hidden fears, the ‘Individual Downward Arrow', to expose hidden insecurities, the ‘Interpersonal Downward Arrow', to expose hidden assumptions about how we ‘should' act in our relationships. Seeing several thousand of these has helped me with ‘pattern recognition', which I think is related to ‘hearing the music'. I'm proposing that beginning therapists might also benefit from an ‘Uncovering Technique' for agenda-setting, following the ‘Miracle Cure Question', which keeps asking, ok, let's say you got that, what would you hope for, if you got absolutely everything you wanted? Ok, and let's say you also got that, what would you hope for, in your wildest dreams? This might expose hidden agendas which can be super important if we want to be able to anticipate resistance and identify the ‘cost of recovery'. Thanks for listening today! Rhonda, Matt, and David

Evolution of TEAM from CBT Porn Compulsive Liars Angry Patients Who Resist Where's the App? and More! Note: The answers below were written by David prior to the podcast, just to give some structure to the discussion. Keep in mind that the actual live discussion by Rhonda, Matt and David will often go in different directions with different information and opinions. So, please listen to the podcast for the more complete answers! Today's live discussion was especially fun and lively, so make sure you listen to the actual live podcast. Questions for this Ask David Podcast Stan asks if any of my early methods have been abandoned by newer and more effective methods as CBT evolved into TEAM. Stan asks if mild porn is harmful or helpful. Rima ask how you can deal with compulsive liars. Pretika asks what to do with patients who angrily resist positive reframing. Anonymous asks several questions about the Feeling Great App.   1. Stan asks about new approaches in TEAM for habits and addictions, as well the evolution of TEAM, as compared with the much earlier classical CBT. 2. Stan also asks if mild porno is helpful or harmful. Hi David. I read in the eBook (I think it was) that you have radically changed your approach and have many new methods for Habits and Addictions. I actually have many of your books such as: Feeling Good Feeling Good Handbook When Panic Attacks Intimate Connections Feeling Good together Feeling Great eBook I wonder if you could please tell us in one of your Ask David podcasts which methods described in your earlier books you no longer recommend, because they have been superseded by more effective ones described in Feeling Great for example. I am sure there must be a lot of material that is still valid in those earlier books and which is not mentioned in Feeling Great. It would be great to know which ones you no longer recommend for the general public. I also want to ask you about Porn Addiction. Do you think occasional mild porn use is harmful or beneficial? I read in a BBC article that porn probably isn't harmful for most men, and can even be positive for couples. For example, some couples start to engage in oral sex after seeing it on the internet. Porn seems a bit like alcohol, if you abuse it it will be bad for your health but if you don't go for the strong stuff and don't over use it, it could be OK. I think some people might misinterpret your references to porn addiction as being any kind and intensity of porn use.  Maybe these people feel anxious and shameful for using it as a result. I would welcome your clarification on this issue. Finally, even though I know you have heard it thousands, or hundreds of thousands of times, your work is having a really positive effect on my life. I am truly grateful for all that you do. Thank you, David. Warm regards Stan David's Reply Hi Stan, I can turn this into a couple Ask David questions for the podcast if you like. There have been many upgrades of the therapy ideas and techniques over the years, as we develop greater understanding of how people change, and what works and what tends not to work. In addition, I would say that we develop new methods and ideas on a weekly basis. The TEAM models lends itself very nicely to evolution, perhaps one of the strong points. I can speak in more detail on the podcast, but here are two ideas. First, I have come to appreciate more and more that all change in emotions comes from a reduction in belief in the negative thoughts that trigger negative feelings with few, if any, exceptions. In addition, any reduction in belief in negative thoughts will case an immediate reduction in the negative feelings that thought causes. This insight angers many people who don't really “get” it, so I don't push it. I find that people sometimes do not take kindly to statements that challenge their sacred beliefs. A simple example would be jogging, or aerobic exercise. Some people believe on faith or personal experience that exercise has a mood elevating effect due to release of endogenous “endorphins” in the brain, and many even claim that exercise is the most effective antidepressant known. While some people do experience a mood lift after strenuous exercise, I believe this is due to the change in their thoughts, telling themselves and believing that this is going to be good for the health and outlook. So that thought can have potent effects on mood. I can describe some experiments on exercise and mood. Second, I have tilted much further in the direction of appreciating the existence and power of resistance in all emotional and behavioral problems, and the often magical power of the new resistance-melting techniques I've developed in opening the door to the possibility of rapid and dramatic change. I'm also very aware of the therapy wars, predicated on the belief that our group as THE answer and your group consists of fools! And typically, one or both of those who are arguing have never measured anything in their patients on a session by session basis to see if things are working or not. This is just the tip of the iceberg, however! You can find a free offer of two free chapters on Habits and Addictions on every page of my website in the right-hand panel. You will find a strong emphasis on powerful new techniques that focus on motivation, such as the Triple Paradox, the Decision-Making Tool, the Devil's Advocate Technique, and more. Most of the techniques I developed in the early days of CBT still have a lot of power and I use almost all of them, sometimes with various modifications and upgrades. For example, I have added the CAT to the Acceptance Paradox and Self-Defense Paradigm in the Externalization of Voices (EOV), and now there are two versions of the CAT, one of them created just last week! On the porno question, I am not an expert in sociology research, so I don't know, and I try to avoid giving expert answers on things I don't have expertise in. My goal is not to proclaim what people should or shouldn't do, but rather to help people who come to me asking for help. It is tempting to assume your own views are straight from God, but I find that my own narcissism just gets me into trouble most of the time! I do like your thinking, though, that much of the time there are no absolute answers, rather personal preferences, and the impact will often depend on how things are used. As you say, a glass of wine could add to your meal. A bottle of wine daily might get you into trouble with your health and habits! Warmly, david 3. Rima asks about compulsive liars How do you deal with people who are compulsive liars? I found that even when using the five secrets, they either get really angry and start on the offensive or completely deny no matter what you say. If you have a client or someone in your personal life that you have deal with that lies a lot even when faced with facts and proof, what is the best way to handle it? On another point, I know that we all tell lies to a certain extent but I'm wondering whether you can impart some wisdom on why some people are compulsive liars. David response: I have a policy of NEVER answering general questions. If you want help with a relationship problem, please fill out the first four steps of a Relationship Journal. That way, we can see what the other person said, and what you said next. Otherwise, you might frame it as wanting help figuring out how to “handle” this other person who is “to blame,” or behaving badly, and so forth, without pinpointing your own role in the problem, which is the whole key to interpersonal therapy. Then we will have some dynamite to play with, as opposed to bullshit which tends to be too gooey in my experience! Certainly, people who lie compulsively can be challenging and irritating for sure, but let's take a look at the whole picture so we can also answer this question: Are you responding in a way that reduces the likelihood that they'll be honest? I'd LOVE to answer this question again once you send an RJ partially filled out. Thanks!  4. Preetika Chandna asks about patients who angrily resist Positive Reframing My client was offended by the positive reframe questions (any benefits and values for anxiety). She was unable to 'see' any benefits to her anxiety despite 'priming the pump' and gathered evidence from friends to emphasize her point. She ultimately dropped out of therapy. I'm wondering if we can move forward without positive reframing and circle back later, or is an open hands with empathy the best option when a client refuses to reframe and is actually offended by the suggestion? David's Take Sometimes you can do effective work without the A = Paradoxical Agenda Setting step in a highly motivated patient. However, I suspect a more fundamental problem is occurring here. Whenever you're stuck with an angry patient, immediately go to E = Empathy, and don't use any methods until you get an A, and have really re-established a warm, trusting relationship with the patient. I have emphasized the importance of using the BMS and EOTS with every patient at every session. Have you been doing this, and have you been getting a perfect score on the Empathy and Helpfulness Scales? This seems unlikely to me. Often anxious patients feel shame, especially if they have social anxiety, but this is also common with panic attacks and some other forms of anxiety. If she's ashamed of her anxiety, it would make sense that he might get defensive when asked to positively reframe it. At this point, I can only speculate, since I don't know the details of this case. Sometimes, it makes sense to pay a colleague for a couple consultation sessions to get “unstuck.” These are always extremely productive learning sessions. Positive Reframing, or Assessment of Resistance, is an art form, and sometimes you just can't “see” the reasons for the resistance at first. You might recall, or want to listen to, our live session with Sunny, who developed a sudden relapse of intense anxiety when he decided to change his approach to work, or non-work. (see podcast # X). The traditional positive reframing was not effective, but then when we started on methods, I suddenly “saw” something none of us had seen before during the session. His “anxiety” was actually a sign that something wonderful was happening! You can always start with M = Methods, and then when you run into resistance, you can revisit resistance with a Paradoxical CBA, or Externalization of Resistance, or some other approach. But the crucial thing is to get on the same page, and stay on the same page, with your patient. David 5. From a therapist who wishes to be anonymous I have a question, I think that habits and addiction (including the online additional chapters) are very important. I wonder if they will ever get their own book and app? David's take: Eventually we hope to include that dimension in our Feeling Great App. The Feeling Great book is designed for self-help. I wonder if you have suggestions regarding using the different role-playing techniques (such as externalization of voices) for patients or individuals that works on their own? David's take: Yes, we use these role-playing techniques in the Feeling Great App. When are we expecting the app? David's take: First quarter of 2024. Thank you ! Thanks for listening today!  

Self-Acceptance, People who Resist, Secrets of Dynamic Job Interviews, Five Secrets with your Boss, Do Cognitive Distortions Cause Transgenderism? Note: The answers below were written by David prior to the podcast, just to give some structure to the discussion. Keep in mind that the actual live discussion by Rhonda and David will often go in different directions with different information and opinions. So, please listen to the podcast for the more complete answers! Questions for the this Ask David Podcast Rizwan suggests a new method for self-acceptance. Anonymous asks how to convince someone that depression is NOT due to a chemical imbalance in the brain. My father does not believe that you can change the way you FEEL by changing the way you THINK! Marc asks about tips for job interviews, as well as how to respond during periodic performance reviews at work. Brian asks if transgenderism could be the result of distorted thoughts. 1. Rizwan asks I have a question about the Acceptance Paradox that came to my mind during our Tuesday training group on 19 Dec, 23. As homework, will it be useful to ask clients to make a list of things which they have already accepted in life and made peace with? At the next stage, in the session, would it be useful if the therapist asks them, "why did you accept and make peace with those things? “Can you use the same criteria to accept other things in your lives which you are not accepting now?" Sincerely, Rizwan  David's take Yes, you can certainly try that and let us know how it works out? I do lots of spontaneous and “new” things in almost every therapy session. Some things work out, and others do not. That way, I learn from my clinical work. One thing to be aware of is that your proposed approach might overlap with “helping,” when a paradoxical approach might have more “punch” / impact, After all, the Acceptance Paradox is arguably more of a decision, than a skill. But try, even with yourself if you like, and let us know what you discover. TEAM constantly evolves, and you can be an important part of that process! Best, david 2. Anonymous asks how to convince someone that depression is not due to a chemical imbalance in the brain and that you can change the way you FEEL by changing the way you THINK? Hi David I love listening to your podcasts. And now I am seeing differences in my life but not my father who has been depressed for around 40 years. He is on medicines and has an extreme belief that it's on the basis of chemical imbalance. He is a pharmacist by profession, and loves to learn about how chemical changes mood swings. I am not able to convince him to read your books. He just take sleeping pills every single and sleeps all day. He is learning something about neuroplasticity which is actually the case that happens in cbt. But he think it's some kind of thought changing therapy which cannot change the chemical in our brain. Please help David. I would love you to answer this. Regards, Anonymous David's Response Hi, I once gave the keynote address at a research conference at the Harvard Medical School. When the department chairman introduced me, he something like, “Dr. David Burns is going to show us how you can change brain chemistry with CBT, and without drugs!” It was pretty cool! That's one dimension. And we could add more evidence and research findings to support our side of the argument. But on another level, we see the underlying issue of trying to convince someone who is taking an adversarial position and content with their own thinking and beliefs, and determined to argue no matter what evidence you present. In my experience, spending time trying to convince them is almost always a losing cause. All you do is engage in a frustrating philosophical debate, at least that's my thinking! The podcasts on the theme of “How to Help and How NOT to Help” might be useful, in case you are looking for help with your relationship with your father. Your love and concern for him is huge and very touching! Okay to use in an Ask David? I will not use your first name! Best, david 3. Marc asks for tips on job interviewing. Hi David, I hope you are keeping well. I am wondering if you have any tips / strategies/resources that you recommend for an upcoming job interview? Also, you once told a story of someone who worked in the tech industry that you counselled, and you recommended some questions for him to ask in periodic performance reviews. Does this ring a bell at all? I've had trouble remembering/locating this Podcast. Stay well, Marc David replies Hi Marc, Yes, we can discuss the secrets of successful job interview  on a podcast. I have LOTS of tips, actually, and we can perhaps do a podcast on this. We could also focus on how to respond to your supervisor during performance reviews, and I DO have an amazing story about that as well; it was the fellow who had been fired six times in two years. Thanks for reminding me. I might have given him the name of Rameesh, but not sure! Best, David  4. Brian asks: Could transgenderism result from distorted thoughts? Hi David, Happy New Year, and thank you for your amazing Monday podcasts. I just started listening to yours today about transgenderism. Could transgenderism be the result of distorted thoughts? I know it's a very sensitive subject like anti-depressants. Thanks, Brian David's Reply Hi Brian, Thanks for the question. Copying Robin, as she's the expert. But to my way of thinking, the answer is no. I believe, though I'm no expert, that gender identity as well as sexual preferences are primarily biological in origin, although there are obviously strong cultural influences and biases. For example, ice cream preferences are kind of inherent to people, and mysterious, and cannot be changed by changing our thinking! I love blueberry pie, and many others don't care for it. Just a preference! Saying that gender results from distorted thoughts might also be hurtful, as if our identities might be somehow “wrong” or “defective.” Might use as an Ask David question if you and Robin have no objection. Best, david Thanks for listening today!

Hi David, I'm Vicky Ho. Don't you remember me? An investigative reporter travels halfway around the world to find out who is sending him random wrong number texts and why. After you hear this story, you'll never look at these messages the same way again. You can grab a copy of Zeke's book, Number Go Up, here. If you want to support Search Engine, head over to pjvogt.com. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do we have a "Self"? Or "Personality"? What's the best way to combat Should Statements?  Is TEAM effective without a therapist?  What's the Difference between Positive Reframing and Positive Thoughts?  Note: The answers below were written by David prior to the podcast, just to give some structure to the discussion. Keep in mind that the actual live discussion by Rhonda, Matt and David will often go in different directions with different information and opinions. So, please listen to the podcast for the more complete answers! Questions for today's Ask David Podcast: Stefan asks if we have a “self” or a “personality.” Slash wants to know how to combat a “Should Statement.” Magellan asks about the effectiveness of TEAM without the guidance of a therapist. Werner asks about the differences between Positive Reframing and the Positive Thoughts you record on the Daily Mood Log.   1. Stefan asks if we have a “self” or a “personality.” What is the so-called “Great Death” of the “self,” referred to in Buddhism? Hi David, I really love your work, both the books and the podcast you've created. Lots of great tools there. I think your down-to-earth approach is effective and great in de-mythologizing mental health care. Still, one thing has been bugging me about your approach: the fact that you quite casually seem to discount the existence of the self. As a theologian I understand this position. In discounting the self as a construct, you'll open the way to less resistance and more acceptance. I studied both Christianity and some Buddhism, and in that tradition the self is essentially something to let go of as an illusion. I think you called this the death of the ego, and it's common in many mystical currents both within and without the major religious traditions. However, by embracing this tradition in a therapeutic setting, I think there's a great risk to gloss over long-held implicit beliefs or patterns in the construction of a personality that might hold people back from reaching their full potential. More specifically, I'm talking about schemas or Lifetraps (in the terminology of Jeffrey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko). I know Aaron Beck supports their work to address these “chronic self-defeating personality patterns” that are usually considered the be part of the self. What's your take on their work? Kind regards, Stefan David's reply Hi Stefan, Personality, like "self" is not a "thing," but just the observations that different people have different behavioral patterns. So, some are more outgoing, for example, while others are more introverted and shy and insecure. The only meaning of "self" is the context in which the word appears. So, "behave yourself" simply means that you are misbehaving and need to stop! Can you come to the Sunday hike is a question. It does not need the add on, "and do you plan to bring you 'self.'" The only meaning of any word is the context, and many uses in the English language, or any language. Nouns do not always refer to "things." Words are just sounds that come out of our mouths. I don't go into this much because few people "get it." Thanks so much, Stefan. Warmly, david PS The above is my take on Wittgenstein's Philosophical investigations, published after he died in 1950. . Second PS I had a random and fairly weak thought, but here it is. When doing my daily “slogging” a while back, I was going through a pleasant and familiar path and noticing how beautiful everything was, and had the thought, “This land is so valuable and expensive, and I'm SO GLAD I don't have to own it. It would involve a nightmare of paper work, taxes and all kinds of worries. But I can just enjoy it without any of those burdens of ownership. Then I thought of the “self,” and what a heavy burden it is to “have one,” and worry about whether or not it is “good enough,” or “inferior,” and so forth. Selves tend to be a bit overweight, and heavy to carry around. And how much more fun, beautiful, and rewarding life is without having to have a “self” to worry about. Rhonda found this helpful after a time feeling confused about the "self," and Matt added this: "Right, and if we own the 'land' one day, and it changes, the next moment, is it the same 'land'?  Do we still own it?" Matt's "Self" Thoughts Wittgenstein is one of my favorite philosophers due to the elegance of his solution to philosophical problems, which is to recognize that they are not, in fact, ‘problems'.  Instead of trying to answer the question, ‘is there a self', ‘do I have a self', he would point out that these questions are meaningless and can't be answered. One way to bring these questions into a form that could be useful and answerable, is to define the terms.  What is the ‘self', and what can it do?  How would I know, if I had a ‘self'?  If the definition was in the form of a testable hypothesis, we'd be a step closer to arriving at a meaningful answer. In some cases, this answer is incredibly meaningful, in terms of our mental state and relationships.  Let's try on a few possible definitions of ‘self' and consider some experiments that could be done to test whether these hold water. ‘Self':  (from Meriam Webster):  one's essential being, which separates them from others.  (I don't find this definition useful, because now I just have to define what is an ‘essential being'?  What are we talking about? ‘Self':  The subject of our experience; the thing that is thinking our thoughts, and feeling our feelings.  (This is also problematic for many reasons.  First, it's based on an unproven assumption that experience requires an experiencer.  Descartes believed this but Nietsche retorted that this logic was highly flawed as it smuggles the ‘self' into the equation without any justification.  Further, there are many ‘nondualistic' philosophies that challenge the ‘separateness' of ‘self' and experience.  Meaning, the presence of thought doesn't mean anything other than the presence of thought.  We ought to be skeptical of introducing additional complexity into the situation according to the principle of ‘Occam's Razor', that the simplest hypothesis that explains all the observations is more likely to be correct). ‘Self':  The ‘CEO' of your mind, the aspec of yourself that is directing your body, attention and decision-making.  (This is problematic in many of the same ways as the above definition.  It's also the most readily falsifiable definition.  We can experiment with our ability to control our decision-making in a variety of ways, one of which is to see if you can ‘choose', with your ‘self' not to understand the words on this page.  Or to sit quietly and not think.  If our ‘self' can't use its ‘free will' to control the brain's activities in such simple ways, why would we imagine that we have a self, controlling our brain, at all? In fact, most of us believe in a ‘self', which, if we attempt to define it carefully, it can be proven NOT to exist.  However, this is an unacceptable conclusion for many people, even though it results in a form of enlightenment.  This form of enlightenement is slightly different from ‘self acceptance'.  It's more like ‘waking up from a dream of a self' than ‘acceping a flawed self'. All that said, yes, it's often incredibly useful to inspect our assumptions about our ‘self', in terms of our ‘roles' and ‘rules' in our relationships.  David offers the ‘Interpersonal Downward Arrow' to do this in a single session.  There, we might discover we are stuck in a belief system that is counterproductive, like, ‘we must be perfect', ‘we should never have conflict', etc.  There are countless ways people think about their ‘self' which can be productive or a ‘trap'.  Obviously, if we had no sense of our identity, purpose, role, etc., it would be hard to know what to do with our ‘selves' on a day-to-day basis!   2. Slash asks how she can combat her “Should Statement.” Hi David I did some exercises and found I a believe that I should play guitar effortlessly or else I should enjoy the process of learning. My disadvantages are greater in CBA. Now what thought should I replace with so that I could have the advantages too. Slash David's reply Thanks, Slash! It is a should statement. Essentially, your “should” doesn't make sense since there is no rule that says you should, must, or ought to enjoy something you don't enjoy right now, so you are just putting pressure on yourself unnecessarily. I once had a patient who had previously been treated briefly by Dr. Albert Ellis when he was in New York. He was on vacation, and was feeling depressed and telling himself that he SHOULDN'T be unhappy since he was on vacation. He thought he SHOULD be enjoying himself. He said that the thing that helped the most was when Dr. Ellis said, “Where the F__K is it written that you are obligated to enjoy being on vacation?” (Ellis used that word a lot!) He said he immediately gave himself permission to feel miserable on vacation, and instantly felt better! This is an example of what I call the Acceptance Paradox. When he accepted his unhappiness, instead of struggling in shame to make it go away, it disappeared. I have a similar story. I used to have a keen interest in collecting coins from around the world, and when I was an intern at Highland Hospital in Oakland, I used to enjoy going to the local coin stores to see if I could find some interesting foreign coin to purchase for a few dollars. This was always exciting, but one day I was in the S & D Coin store just a few miles from our apartment, realized I was totally bored and had lost my interest in collecting foreign coins. I told the friendly dealer, and he said, “Oh, don't worry about it. Just do something else in your free time for a few weeks and your interest in collecting will probably come back.” So, I did that, and that's just what happened. Essentially, he was also giving me “permission” to feel the way I was feeling, and not the way I thought I “should” feel! And when I accepted my negative feelings, they ran their course and disappeared. That worked for me, but there are a lot of methods in TEAM, and you sometimes have to try quite a few before you find the one that works for you, since we're all different. The “go to” method for Should Statements is called the Semantic Technique. Using this method, you could tell yourself, “Right now I seem to have lost interest in music. It would be great if it comes back again, and probably will. But it's natural not to feel excited about music all the time.” Notice that I used “it would be great if” in place of the “Shoulds.” As an aside, we just completed a new class for the Feeling Great App entitled “Your PhD in Shoulds.” You might want to check it out. There's also a lesson on perfectionism at the end of the class. Best, david Cost-Benefit Analysis If I make mistakes, then I am not talented enough to play guitar.(associating my self worth with talent of playing guitar.) Advantages of Believing This Disadvantages of Believing This 1.It will push me to work harder. 1.There is lot of internal pressure. 2.It will motivate me to try different things until I find any solution. 2.It makes me depressed. 3.It can help me to be perfect/achive skills like my idol guitarist. 3.It ruins my currently playing technique I want to master. 4.People will admire me. 4.It makes me stuck at particular point from where I am not able to move forward. 5.It shows that I am one cut above others. 5.It hinders my progress with respect to guitar playing skills. 6.People who think I am not enough I can prove it to them. 6.It makes me frustrated irritated. 7.It can help me to be confident. 7.Endless cycle which I feel I am stuck in the moment and cant get out of it.   8.The quest to achieve will take forever which will make me hopeless and which further decreases my tolerance to make mistakes/which will further make me vigilant to see my mistakes as fault which cannot be corrected.   9.My moral goes down.   3. Magellan asks: Can you do TEAM-CBT without a shrink? Dear David, Could you tell us about studies of the effectiveness of any written TEAM or other therapy materials offered without therapist guidance (for example when people are on a waitlist to see a therapist)? I think I heard of one done with Feeling Good. I wonder if one may be done with Feeling Great. Thanks, Magellan David's response: We have impressive results with our app, which I can describe. It is completely automated without therapist guidance. It is kind of like my first book, Feeling Good, on steroids! I also have precise data on waiting list controls. The waiting list do not improve until they start the Feeling Great App and then they experience rapid and dramatic changes with a couple days. There's no doubt about the effectiveness of the app. Also, there's extensive research proving the effectiveness' o my first book, Feeling Good. There's no question about the effectiveness of these self-help tools. I have many questions about the effectiveness of human shrinks, however!   4. From Werner Spitzfaden: Positive Reframing vs Positive Thoughts I periodically come across clients who get confused by the concept of the Positive Reframing vs Positive Thoughts on the DML. The question they pose is if the Positive Reframe is similar to the Positive Thoughts on the DML? After some explanation I focus on Positive Reframing as a way of seeing that even the most difficult and painful thoughts and feelings reveal something powerful and awesome about us and then ask if that's true about them. This focuses on Outcome Resistance. The positive thoughts on the DML focus on defeating their negative thinking with 2 conditions needing to be present: their new positive thought needs to be believable and it has to drastically reduce the distress resulting from your negative thought. This focuses on the early stages of Methods coming after looking at Distortions followed by the Straight Forward Technique. I would love to hear David's take on this. David's Response Yes, Werner, you are right! The goal of Positive Reframing is not to “Cheerlead” or to persuade the patient that their negative thoughts are not correct, but rather to help them see why they may fight to hang on to their negative thoughts and feelings, because they are beneficial and helpful in many ways. This is the latest list of questions you can ask when doing PR with a negative thought. Most will also apply to a negative feeling. What is the truth in this negative thought? (This is essentially the Disarming Technique applied to your own self-criticism) Why might this negative thought or feeling be healthy and appropriate, given my circumstances. Why might this negative thought or feeling be helpful to me? What does it show about me and my core values that's positive and awesome? What might be some negative consequences of giving up this negative thought or feeling? You were spot on about Positive Thoughts. To be helpful, they must fulfill two conditions. They must be 100% true. Half-truths and rationalizations are rarely or never helpful/ They must drastically reduce your belief in the distorted negative thought. Hey, Werner, we miss you like crazy in the Tuesday group and in our (now small and humble) Sunday hikes. Hope you're doing well.  

Ask David The fear of ghosts; the truth about nutritional supplements; the fear of fear; how does anxiety treatment work? And more.  Today, David and Rhonda answer six cool questions submitted by podcast listeners like you! Joseph asks: How would you use exposure to confront your fear of ghosts? Salim asks: What herbs and supplements will help me become more zen and relaxed? Peter asks: How do you stop fearing the fear and discomfort of anxiety? Jillian asks: How does cognitive therapy work to help reduce anxiety? Sanjay asks: How do you give up wants, needs, and desires? Dana asks for help with the Disarming Technique. In the following, David's reply was David's email response to the person prior to the podcast, just suggesting some directions we might take on the podcast. The Rhonda comments were based on notes she took during the live podcast. For the full answers, make sure you listen to the podcast! Joseph asks: How would you use exposure to confront your fear of ghosts? Hi David and Rhonda, Thank you again for your wonderful replies and the amazing podcast. If you would humor me, I have another question -- I know David talked about exposure therapy in overcoming fears, but I wonder how this could apply to some fears like the fear of ghosts where it is caused by an over-active imagination (in which case, what should one be exposed to?) Regards Joseph  David's reply Cognitive flooding would be one approach. Will give details on podcast. Thanks! David  Rhonda's notes Find out what is happening in the person's life, and treat that specific problem. Maybe someone developed a fear of ghosts after the death of a loved one, so the idea of being around death or dead things may also cause intense anxiety. Going to a cemetery may be part of their exposure. Other examples of exposure for overcoming the fear of ghosts could be: Approaching a scary, abandoned house Watching a scary movie about ghosts Fear of darkness may accompany fear of ghosts so staying in the dark may be part of your exposure. Fear of sleeping alone may also accompany fear of ghosts so sleeping alone in your home may be part of your exposure. Salim asks: What herbs and supplements will help me become more zen and relaxed? Hello Mr. David D Burns, I want to tell you that i loved "Feeling Good", your book helped me a lot in improving my life, I have a question, can you recommend herbs or supplements that help me be more Zen and more relaxed? I would be eternally grateful.

The Mets showed their manager the door and welcomed aboard a new president of baseball operations. National League Town therefore wishes Buck Showalter a fond (if ultimately necessary) adieu while hoping their fellow Mets fan David Stearns will know what he's doing for a long time to come. Greg and Jeff also try to figure out how a person could have snuck into Shea Stadium and wonder whatever became of that Mets-Marlins game whose final outcome apparently got washed away in the rain. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/nationalleaguetown/message

Are the "physical" symptoms of depression specific or non-specific? How do you treat schizophrenia with TEAM? Why don't more shrinks help themselves? Healthy vs unhealthy negative feelings-- what's the difference? Questions answered in this podcast: 1. Laura asks: Why don't you include the physical symptoms of depression in your assessment tests? 2. Fred asks: How would you use TEAM-CBT to treat individuals with schizophrenia? 3. Author not known: Why don't the therapists you treat with TEAM treat themselves using self-help techniques? 4. Zach: How does David understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy emotions? Is there any overlap between EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) and David's TEAM-CBT?   The following are David's written responses to these questions. However, in the podcast, Rhonda and David discuss them, and their answers together may differ or enlarge on the material below. Also, in some cases, the written answers contain additional information not included in the live podcast. 1. Laura asks: Why don't you include the physical symptoms of depression in your assessment tests? Author: Laura asks a question about post #248: “David and Rhonda Answer Your Questions about Exercise, Empathy, Euphoria, Exposure, Psychodynamic Therapy, and more!” Comment: Fabulous, David. Bless you. Have you done a show on assessments? I'll be honest about my confusion. Some of the measures that you have developed almost seem too simple to be accurate. For example, the depression test isn't sensitive to any of the physical manifestations of the illness. Anyway, I was just curious about that. David's Reply Thanks, Laura! Good questions! First, the so-called physical symptoms of depression are non-specific and not uniquely associated with depression. Only the core emotional symptoms are good indicators of depression: feeling down, hopeless, worthless, unmotivated, and not enjoying life. If you want to measure physical symptoms, they won't give you much information about depression, but at least they need to be worded correctly, which they aren't in most assessment tols. For example, you can measure weight gain, OR weight loss, in single and separate items, but not in the same item. But if you go to a mall and ask how many people have had weight gain, you'll probably find that more than 50% report weight gain, but this is rarely due to depression, rather it is due to overeating! Similarly, a significant fraction will say yes to a question about weight loss, and in the vast majority of cases this will be due to dieting, not depression. Similarly with the other poorly thought out physical symptoms, like trouble sleeping. The reliability of my depression measures has typically been .95 or better, as compared with measures like the Beck or PHQ9 that have only .78 to .80 reliability coefficients (called “coefficient alpha.”) I have observed a phenomenal lack of critical thinking behind most current psychological tests for depression, anxiety, and other variables of interest to clinicians and researchers. You also asked about apps for anxiety, like OCD, as opposed to depression. The Feeling Good App causes rapid and significant reductions in, not one, but seven categories of negative feelings, including feelings of depression, anxiety, guilty/shame, inadequacy, loneliness, hopelessness and anger. Thanks so much! Finally, I have to confess my bias toward trying hard to make things simple, so we can all understand what we're talking about! When things are overly complicated or hard to “get,” I usually feel fairly suspicious about the person who is trying to “teach.” In college I always had the policy that if I can't understand what the teacher is trying to say, the teacher has a problem! My thinking today is pretty similar! I've always appreciated teachers who keep things simple for us mere mortals who appreciate having things explained clearly and in everyday words. Best, david 2. Fred asks: How would you use TEAM-CBT to treat individuals with schizophrenia? Hi David, Do you have any schizophrenia thought experiments? Most of my clients struggle with voices. I tell them there is always a good voice, which I believe is the Holy Spirit woven into every person at birth. I also tell them to welcome the voices and listen for what they need, because the voices need to be welcomed back into the body - the "family" - of the person, according to Internal Family Systems. I welcome your thoughts. I am not a therapist so anything I say or do needs to fit my role as a recovery coach. Fred South Bend, Indiana David's Reply. Thanks, Fred, great question. I have treated many individuals with schizophrenia, but they have rarely or never asked for help with the voices they hear. I like to set the agenda for each patient, finding out what they specifically want help with. And individuals with schizophrenia respond very well to TEM-CBT, both the individual treatment model for depression and anxiety, as well as the interpersonal model for relationship problems. An experience early in my career highlighted the folly of trying to challenge the delusions of individuals with schizophrenia. A young man, a new patient, seemed uncomfortable and when I inquired, he explained that the receptionist, Lucretia, was listening in because she could “hear” our thoughts and our conversation. I explained that Lucretia did not have much money, and that if he wanted we could do an experiment to test his belief. I put a $20 bill on the desk and said that if Lucretia knocked and came into the office, she could have the money. So I did that and Lucretia did not knock on the door or appear in the office. I asked the young man what he concluded from our “experiment.” He said that she “knew” it was an experiment since she could “hear” our thoughts, and didn't come in because she didn't want us to know she was “listening in” on our dialogue! That's an excellent example of what happens when the shrink tries to set the agenda, as opposed to helping patients with what THEY want help with! In my experience, you can help individuals with schizophrenia with self-esteem, anxiety, and relationship problems with psychotherapy, and they do feel and function somewhat better, but they still, sadly, have schizophrenia. This is my thinking only, and others may differ. I know that Aaron Beck and many of his followers have done research studies claiming they can help schizophrenia with traditional CBT. I am skeptical, but have not read those studies or evaluated the data with a critical eye! So who knows? Maybe they have some decent results. Best, david 3. Author not known asks: Why don't the therapists you treat with TEAM treat themselves using self-help techniques? Why can't the TEAM-CBT therapists who have done personal work with you on the podcasts do that work themselves in self-help mode?" They know all the techniques and have all the tools. With no qualifications, I have my own theory on that, which is actually based on TEAM. I don't know how to give myself the level of E=empathy required to move on to the next stage. So I guess my question could be reworded as "Is it possible to give yourself sufficient empathy in self-help mode?" or "Are there techniques or tools you can use to give yourself empathy in self-help mode?" David's Response Thanks, cool question! Blind spot, especially in relationship problems To get experience in the “patient” role Sometimes, we all need a little help from a friend, and that can sometimes be vastly faster than trying to do everything on your own. But in terms of empathy, I believe you CAN treat yourself with empathy, warmth, and compassion, and that is actually one of the keys to recovery, whether or not you're in treatment with a shrink!   4. How does David understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy emotions? Is there any overlap between EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) and David's TEAM-CBT? Hi Dr. David and Dr. Rhonda, I have a question if you have a chance, and maybe this is better for an Ask David. David talks about healthy emotions sometimes, and this feels like a faint through-line to EFT model. Does David have a framework for understanding healthy emotions or emotional needs? When a client is grieving, David encourages the tears to flow and notes it's an expression of how much the client valued something. David also demonstrates what EFT would call protective anger, when using the counterattack method, “I'm tired of listening to your BS.” And lastly David demonstrates what EFT labels self-compassion while using the acceptance paradox and 5 secrets responses to critical thoughts. Thanks, Zach David's Response Thanks for the excellent question. I have to confess that I don't know much about EFT, but I think there's a lot of overlap in different “therapies” since many people “borrow” ideas from other experts, and get so excited about them that they call them their own, and simply give them a new name, claiming to have something entirely new. And it sounds like there are some definitely similarities between my TEAM-CBT and what is called “EFT.” If this is true, I'm certain I didn't do the “borrowing” since I don't attend to the work of others in the field, for better or worse. At any rate, I have always taught my students that each negative feeling has a healthy and an unhealthy version, as you can see in the following table. The main difference is that the healthy version results from valid negative thoughts, and the unhealthy version results from distorted negative thoughts. However, in the past 25 years or so, I've taken a new look at so-called “unhealthy negative feelings” in my TEAM-CBT. There, we reframe the negative feelings, showing what's beautiful and awesome about each one. IN other words, we genuinely try to sell the patient on NOT changing. Paradoxically, this approach, which I call Positive Reframing, seems to melt the patient's resistance to change, and that nearly always opens the door to the possibility of rapid change. Healthy vs Unhealthy Negative Feelings Healthy Version Unhealthy Version Sadness, grief when you've lost someone or something you loved Depression, worthlessness, hopelessness Healthy fear when you're in danger Anxiety, nervousness, worry, and panic, and phobias Healthy remorse when you've hurt someone you love Neurotic guilt, blaming yourself for something you're not entirely, or at all, responsible for Healthy inadequacy and awareness of your very real shortcomings and limitations Worthlessness, inferiority Missing someone you love Desperate loneliness, abandonment, feeling unlovable Discouragement when you fail or when things don't work you Hopelessness Sharing your anger in the spirit of love and respect Unhealthy anger, aggression, acting out your anger with the goal of hurting or upsetting the other person, or getting back at them   Thanks so much for listening today! Warmly, Rhonda and David  

Good Grief—Featuring Mike Christensen     Mikes' beloved friend, Kris Yip, word-ranked bicyclist who suddenly and tragically died. Mikes' beloved dog and best friend, Josie, who died the day before the podcast was recorded In today's podcast we feature one of our favorite people, Mike Christensen. Mike is a Certified Level 5 Master TEAM CBT Therapist and Trainer, and is the Director Feeling Good Institute, Canada. Mike is a Registered Clinical Counsellor with the British Columbia Association of Clinical Counsellors and holds a Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology degree. His diverse background in business, community organizations, and family support roles has provided Mike with a wide array of experience in leadership, administration, parenting training, and team building. He provides advanced level online training with the Feeling Good Institute for therapists around the world and is currently co-authoring a book with Maor Katz on Deliberate Practice of TEAM-CBT. Mike specializes in treating depression and anxiety, with experience and training in addictions, PTSD, and relationship challenges. Today, Mike comes to us today with a personal issue, grief and loss. The day before the recording Mike's beloved dog, Josie, died, and this came on the heels of the death of one his best friends, Kris Yip, a month earlier. Kris had died suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 47. Kris was 7 or 8 years younger than Mike, and appeared to be the perfect example of health and fitness, so his loss was an unexpected and devastating punch in the gut. Mike explained that Kris was a celebrity in the bicycling community. He was the Canadian national champion and war ranked 59th in the world. However, he was humble and never promoted himself. Instead, he always focused on others, encouraging even those who were just beginners. Mike has also been a competitive bicyclist, and Kris had invited Mike to join an online racing team consisting of four friends who got together daily on stationary bikes linked by videos on the internet so they could talk while biking. In January of 2023, while riding, Kris's heart suddenly stopped. A friend of Kris called Mike to say, “Kris is gone!” This was devastating to Mike, who said: “He was the fittest of our group. The impact was profound.” He had trouble sleeping and was in disbelief. He said, “It felt surreal. It felt like something is wrong. He told himself, “I should be able to keep it together without falling apart.” Mike also told himself that Kris, was too young to go, and missed him tremendously. Mike thought of Kris's mom, and how much she was suffering, so he spent a week with Kris' family and friends in Prince George. Which was where Mike was born, and his brother and his other biking buddies live.  He said, “We cried together and were together.” He explained, “Whenever I got on my bike to ride, Kris was always there. He'd always say, ‘Let's ride.' I miss his voice.” He also said that during his rides, you could see Kris' face on the video feed, and he was always struggling, digging deep, suffering, but loving it! Mike said that all of his losses, including his sister, his son, and Kris,  were actually double losses, because “I lost not only what had been, but what was to come in the future, and didn't.” Mike said, “Kris was so humble, so I want to brag for him. He always cared and made all of us feel so encourage and inspired!” Mike mentioned some of the positives he saw in the pain of grief: It honors the depth of the love and the depth of our relationship with Kris. Our grief has motivated us to cherish our riding group and to cling together even more closely. Tears can be the purest form of love. Tears allow us to keep the other person alive in our hearts and minds. I mentioned how I talk to three people I've lost every day when I do my “slogging:” my beloved cat Obie, and two dear colleagues I've lost, Ann Hantz in Philadelphia and Marilyn Coffy from Oakland. Mike described how touched he was when visiting Kris' family, and how his mom had arranged all of Kris' bicycles in the garage, ready to be ridden, with all of his racing jerseys on display. Mike confessed that also felt angry and often thought: “You bugger. It  should have been someone else!” Mike has endured many tragic losses in his life, including the devastating death of his older sister when he was just 15, and the tragic loss of his son, Graeme Michael, who died shortly before birth. Mike reminded us about the various conceptualizations we use in TEAM-CBT, which can include individual mood problems (like depression or anxiety), personal relationship problems, habits and addictions, and “non-problems.” A non-problem refers to people who do not have distorted negative thoughts or problems that need to be solved—they just have strong and appropriate negative feelings, and the job of the therapist is simple: resist trying to “help,” and instead use the Five Secrets of Effective Communication to listen and give the grieving person the chance to vent and expression their feelings. With this in mind, Mike described the support he received from colleagues at the Feeling Good Institute, including one who told him to make sure he was feeling sad! He greatly appreciated this! In my clinical experience, “non-problems” were actually rare, but there were several patients who only needed to vent and receive support. one of my favorite chapters In my first book, Feeling Good, was Chapter 3. entitled Sadness is not Depression. I described my experience as a medical student with a terminally ill elderly man in the Stanford Hospital who reminded me of my grandfather. His extended family had gathered around the bedside as he was slipping into a coma from liver failure due to metastatic kidney cancer, and asked “Would it be okay for you to remove his catheter? It was a bit uncomfortable for him, and we're not sure if he still needs it.” I was very inexperienced and asked at the nursing station if it would be okay to remove it, and if so, how would I do it. They said he was, in fact, dying, and would not last much longer, and explained how to remove the catheter. I pulled the curtain around his bed, and did that and told the family, with tears in my eyes, “He can still hear you, but not for much longer, so it's time to tell him how much you love him and say goodbye.” Tears were flowing down my cheeks and they began to cry as well, and began saying good bye. I went to the room where the medical students and resident make their notes, and wept. The family later told the department chairman how much they appreciated what I did for them. I was a pretty terrible medical student, and for the most part had a bad attitude, but that was on moment I still feel very proud of. There are several differences between sadness and depression. First, the thoughts that trigger depression, like “I'm defective. There must be something wrong with me,” are distorted. Depression, as I've often said, is the world's oldest con. In contrast, Mike's thoughts, like the thoughts that trigger healthy grief, are not distorted, like “I miss Kris. I admired him and loved him, and he made a tremendous difference in my life, and the lives of all who knew him.” Second, depression can go on and on endlessly. I've had patients who told me that they'd never had even one happy moment in their entire lives. Healthy grief, in contrast, only needs to be accepted and expressed, and runs its course naturally, If grief is extended, or impairing the person's life, then it's a certainty that distorted thoughts are present and preventing the person from healthy grieving. In this case, treatment can be enormously helpful. Finally, depression robs us of joy, hope, and productivity. Life often seems meaningless and worthless. Grief, in contrast, though painful, enriches us and provides us with a deeper level of meaning and gratitude for life. Rhonda and I are very sad for Mike's many losses, now and in the past as well. But we are both grateful to have him as a friend, and cherish him tremendously. Thank you, Mike, for letting us in today! Warmly, Mike, Rhonda and David Following the session, I emailed Mike to ask a couple questions about peoples' names, and also find out if we might have perhaps let him down during the podcast, not given him enough space to grieve, and so forth. When I get worried about things like that, I have found that checking it out usually beats “Mind-Reading” by a pretty huge margin. Here's the wonderful email that Mike sent. It will give you a deeper view of his inner warmth and depth. Hi David, Thank you for your kind words. I experienced our time together as deeply moving and came out of it with a renewed sense of purpose in the sadness. I guess my hope was that we might be able to illustrate and share the value in empathy and the positive reframe in our grief work. That was enhanced to a new level for me with the way you guided me to explore some aspects I had missed. I wouldn't change a thing about it. It also opened up the way in which your stories and the journey we go on with clients can provide healing for others. I am so grateful that you were willing to take that time to revisit them. Our son's name was Graeme Michael. He was in between our oldest (Thomas now 25) and our middle daughter (Janae now 22). We (my wife Janna and I) never had the opportunity to hear his voice or see him smile. We were informed that it was a chord accident. Janna knew something was wrong and an ultrasound confirmed that she would have to deliver him knowing he was already gone. The first time we held him was also the last. Whenever people ask me how many children I have I say 3 (Thomas, Janae & Caelyn -19  & you will meet soon)  but in my mind it is always 4. Thank you for asking. My wife Janna is a nurse and the director of a pregnancy outreach program. She has been blessed with the opportunity to work with at-risk pregnant moms and young families for 17 years and our experience has brought incredible connection and support to so many (I also worked there for 7 years part time with the young dads). While we would never wish our journey on anyone, the suffering of loss has given us insight, motivation, inspiration, understanding and opportunities that we would never have without it. The sadness has deep purpose and meaning and continues to be an expression of our love for Graeme and all the young families we meet. Mike

=== “Hi David, Why do we crave women we've only just met? And why are we depressed when we get rejected when asking for a longer relationship? What's behind it, and how do I tackle this situation? When I meet a new girl, I'm happy and I jump around — my life is full of joy. I think about her all the time, and I'm in a needy state… even though the chances for a long-term relationship at this point are still miles away. So, how do I control my feelings in a healthy way? A way so I don't get destroyed if she rejects or friendzones me? === That question came in from Listener Ronnie. And in today's episode, I reveal how to eliminate the feelings of anxiety and neediness when dating women. I also share WHY you crave women you've just met, and a few unconventional methods to overcome your pre-installed traits. Listen now! Show Highlights Include: How learning to seduce a 9 or 10 by giving her “the look” still leaves you needy and anxious for her approval (2:54) Why believing a girlfriend will “complete you” sabotages your long-term happiness and fulfillment (3:21) Ever crave for a woman you've only met for a short time? Why is that? The answer is at (6:43) Do you feel depressed when rejected by a woman—even one you've only known for a couple of weeks? The answer is also at (6:43) How to feel unending bliss—and live a life full of joy—by left-swiping women on Tinder who are spontaneous (and add fun to your life) (7:20) Why the “Twin Terrors” force you to self-sabotage on a date—and act like an emotionally manipulative victim. Most men suffer from this their entire life… do you? (9:26) Over 40 and feel like you have to perform in order to feel worthy of love? The answer is at (11:07) The 4 different “attachment styles” which points out why we need to constantly check if she's replied back (20:40) How to terminate neediness when meeting a woman by using a depth gauge and a compass (authorized by the Navy Seals) (24:59) The “abundance theory” superpower which eliminates neediness with one tap of a button on your phone (and here's why this mindset will obliterate any hope of a successful long-term relationship) (26:50) Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

Hi David, I had a brief chat with you on Instagram a Couple of years ago - I was seeking your endorsement mate :-) did you know that Trump wrote off his Russian collusion legal expenses, making taxpayers foot the bill for his Russian collusion Defense? I noticed that when Some of His income tax info came out a few years ago###What is a freaking great and very important interview! I wish everybody could see it in America! We really need to break up the corporate media Monopoly, whereby five corporations own all of our media! So,that is why 74 million morons voted

EPISODE:Eryn and Matt sit down with David Billing, one of our newest clients and regular podcast listeners, to get insight into the SDA investment process from his point of view. David is what you could call a 'mum/dad investor' and explains to our listeners what led him to the decision to invest in SDA with NDIS PROPERTY AUSTRALIA.David also gives excellent information and suggestions to other 'mum & dad investors' for our podcast, which will undoubtedly help to ensure our listeners are more educated about Specialist Disability Accommodation."Hi David! If you're reading this, we were thrilled to have you as a guest speaker! Also, thank you so very much for your referral who also bought an SDA  at North Coogee"--www.sdahousingpodcast.com.auGOALS:It is our goal to see Participants with high-needs disabilities being appropriately housed in accommodation that is right for them. Purpose built homes promote opportunities for social and economic participation, enhance self-determination, and create conditions for Participants to lead vibrant, safe, and independent lives.www.robustdesign.com.auwww.highphysicalsupport.com.auwww.improvedliveability.com.auwww.participants.com.auwww.fullyaccessible.com.auwww.sil-homes.com.au/CONTACT:Please feel free to call us on 1300254397 to talk to one of our friendly staff, otherwise, just pop on over to our website to find out more info on www.ndispropertyaustralia.com.auFor any podcast related queries or suggestions, please contact our podcast manager via eryn@participants.com.auFOLLOW US ON:LinkedIn InstagramFacebookTwitterLEAVE US A GOOGLE REVIEW!DISCLAIMER:Information contained in this podcast is general in nature only. It does not take into account the objectives, financial situation or needs of any particular person. You need to consider your financial situation and needs before making any decisions based on this information and should seek independent and professional advice for your personal circumstances.

306: Ask David: Featuring Matt May, MD 1. Kevin asks: Hi David, Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who can be classed as “Borderline Personality Disorder”? 2. Brittany asks: How do you deal with the injustice of people who rip you off without giving you credit? 3. Paul asks: Is there a way to know if I have done the Hidden Emotion Technique correctly? Note: The answers below were generated prior to the podcast, and the information provided on the live podcast may be richer and different in a number of ways. 1. Kevin asks: Hi David, Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who can be classed as “Borderline Personality Disorder”? Hi David, Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who can be classed as “Borderline”? What are keys to being in a relationship with someone that exhibits some of these characteristics? Is it a lost cause? Is borderline personality disorder bullshit and simply a result of assumptions such as “I need love to be worthwhile” as indicated in your books? Best, Kevin David's reply Great question, here are a couple brief responses off the top of my head: "Healthy" exists on a continuum. In my experience, the therapeutic relationship with a patient diagnosed with BPD exists on a continuum, it is not all-or=nothing, and you can have excellent interactions, but this often requires great diligence and skill in the use of the five Secrets of Effective Communication. I have not observed any unique relationship between the Love Addiction and BPD. That's because the "need" for love is pervasive in our culture, and is, in fact, one of the most common Self-Defeating Beliefs. I do believe that Other-Blame (along with Self-Blame) is a common feature of BPD, along with the unwillingness to be accountable and to have tow work hard and consistently for recovery. I have had a number of patients with BPD threaten suicide if I asked them to do psychotherapy homework, for example. At my clinical in Philadelphia, we diagnosed the ten personality disorders prospectively, at the intake evaluation, and depressed patient with and without BPD improved at almost the same rate during the first 12 weeks when treated by the forerunner of TEAM-CBT, when controlling for severity of initial depression. I published this surprising finding in the top journal for clinical psychology research, the JCCP, but it got little attention for some reason, and some of the reviewers of the article were critical of this finding which they found difficult to believe or accept. DBT has been the "go-to" method for BPD, and BPD therapists may think that CBT / TEAM-CBT would or could not be helpful. Still, I am grateful for DBT welcoming such patients and helping them, when so many therapists avoid these patients! At my clinic in Philadelphia, something in the range of 28% of our patients were diagnosed with BPD at intake. david Matt's Reply: I'm really just guessing, but perhaps Kevin is feeling quite sad, worried and hopeless, about his relationship. Perhaps he's been treated badly and is also angry and scared that this will continue to happen in his current relationship. If so, he might be having thoughts like, ‘This relationship will always be terrible' or ‘They will continue to hurt me and disrespect me and treat me badly' of maybe, ‘This is their fault, they have Borderline Personality!'. This is only a guess, but if it were the case, I would imagine Kevin could use a great deal of empathy and listening, right about now. It is possible he has been treated terribly or even abused. His partner may indeed meet the criteria for BPD, in which case they would be tremendously sensitive and frequently reactive and prone to unhealthy expressions of anger. Perhaps Kevin has displayed tremendous patience and tried very hard in the relationship, which would be admirable, but only amplify his disappointment when the same hurtful patterns continue. Kevin may even feel worthless, if he believes that the way he is being treated by others is an indicator of his worth as a person. I feel for you, Kevin, and hope you're getting the Empathy you need. I think there is a lot we could offer someone in this situation, in addition to Empathy, as well. We certainly have the technology, in TEAM, to alleviate the worthless feelings, the anxiety and worry, the feelings of anger and hopelessness, etc. and to replace these with a sense of confidence, joy and optimism. We could also offer skills that that one could use to substantially improve the quality of their relationship. Meanwhile, there are many reasons why someone would prefer to maintain very high levels of hopelessness, anger and worry and low self-esteem in this context. For example, as a protection against getting hurt again. Or they might not want to like and admire themselves if their partner is dissatisfied with them. We've also discussed, on the podcast, how tempting and seductive Blame can be. When we tell ourselves, ‘It's their fault, they have Borderline Personality Disorder', this type of thought can give us pleasant feelings of superiority. Kevin may not have any of these thoughts or feelings. My point is that, before trying to ‘help' someone in Kevin's shoes, I'd certainly want to explore all the good reasons he would want to continue to feel extremely upset and all the good things this says about his sensibilities and values. In addition to Empathy and an exploration of Resistance, one tool that is sometimes helpful in this situation is the Decision Making Form. This is a simple but powerful tool, available online, thanks to David's generosity, which one can use to compare and consider, with great care, the three options they have in a relationship: continue the status quo, end the relationship or take personal responsibility for improving the relationship. There would be pro's and con's to each of these options. Meanwhile, you will notice that there's one option that is NOT on that list, which is to change the other person. Trying to change the other person, blaming them, is the cause of relationship problems and another version of the ‘status quo'. For the sake of argument, let's imagine Kevin, or someone like him, is convincingly talking back to the resistance. Maybe he also does the ‘Relationship Journal' and he experiences the death of the blaming self, witnesses how his behavior is causing the problem, etc., this would be a tremendous achievement, but, I would still have some questions: Would they want to feel better, now, or would they want to wait until after they have a better relationship? Would they want to embrace and accept and love their partner, now, flaws-and-all … or would they prefer to keep their guard up, until things improve? Are they still needing the other person to change, in some subtle way? The reason I'd have to ask these questions is because of my own limitation: I can only help someone feel better in this moment, the way things are, right now. Similarly, I can only help someone improve their relationship, in this moment, while their partner is still treating them badly. When people are open to these terms, their lives and relationships can transform in beautiful ways. They can come to appreciate and love themselves and others, just as they are. David, you've said that's the paradoxical first step towards improvement, I think. 2. Brittany asks: How do you deal with the injustice of people who rip you off without giving you credit? Hi Dr. Burns! I hear you say often how it upsets you that people use your work and don't give you acknowledgment or credit for it. I wondered how you deal with your thoughts like the unfairness or injustice of it. Or maybe you don't want to deal with those thoughts because the anger helps you in some way? Like it motivates you to create more content & host more trainings etc. so people know the ideas come from you. I was just curious. I deal with similar issues at work where I work really hard for an outcome and then once it happens other employees will take credit for it or just plain ignore the fact that I played any role. I think hearing how you deal with not getting acknowledged would help me too. Thank you, Brittany David's reply Thanks, Brittany, and good to hear from you again! Maybe we can make this an Ask David. I've been ripped off so much that I try to ignore it, since it would consume a great deal of energy. We may take legal steps once we raise money for our Feeling Good App. For the most part, I always have so much to do, and try to keep moving the ball forward. But yes, I DO get ticked off at people. Plagiarism was considered a severe violation when I grew up, and I still view it that way. Of course, all around the world we can see a tremendous amount of horror and evil being perpetuated by humans. I once asked Dr. Albert Elis a similar question, since Wayne Dwyer ripped him off. His answer was: "I just tell myself that Wayne Dwyer was an asshole, so he was just doing what he SHOULD do, since that's what assholes do! David D. Burns, MD Matt's Reply: This question is for David, not me. However, I would like to express my deepest and most sincere gratitude to David. David has dedicated his life in the service of improving the lives of others. He has published over a hundred scientific articles and revolutionized the practice of psychotherapy in the form of the TEAM model, as well as publishing at least 12 books, including Feeling Good, the most-prescribed book for depression. He has traveled the globe to offer training seminars to therapists, as well as offering free training to countless students, trainees, residents, PsyD's and psychologists in his groups, including his ongoing Tuesday training group. It is disturbing and upsetting that someone like David, who has offered so much, would be a target for plagiarism and theft and I admire him for continuing his work, despite all of that. 3. Paul asks: Is there a way to know if I have done the Hidden Emotion Technique correctly? Hi Dr. Burns, It blows my mind how simple yet logical TEAM CBT is. And I am really excited about potential of the app, and I sincerely hope that this will be a revolution in field of psychology and psychotherapy. I really enjoy reading Feeling Great, but some techniques I find complicated. I would like to ask, is there a way to know if I did Hidden Emotion Technique correctly ? Also, I would like to ask if fear of mental illness does count as hypochondriasis as well. At the end I would like to say, that I really appreciate your work Dr. Burns, and I hope that your work will spread around the world and get recognition it deserves, so even more people can be healed. Paul David's reply Thanks for the kind words, Paul. I will try to include this in an upcoming Ask David segment! Matt's reply You asked if you did the Hidden Emotion technique correctly. They say that the proof is in the pudding. Do you feel better? Are you experiencing relief? Keep in mind that the Hidden Emotion technique is one of many and may not be the correct method for some individuals. Also, for it to ‘work' will require not only revealing the hidden emotion, but discovering how to address that emotion. Will you use cognitive techniques to untwist the thinking that is causing this emotion? Will you use the 5-Secrets to respectfully communicate that emotion in a productive way? Will you make a decision about your future that will correct the problem? There are lots of options, but the outcome, if the Hidden Emotion is successful, will be relief. You also asked if worrying about having a mental illness counts as hypochondriasis. The nice thing about this model is that I get to admire you for having all kinds of hypochondriacal worries about your mental health and point out how it's a ‘solution' rather than a ‘problem' and how such worrying speaks highly of you, how responsible you are, how much you care and how much you value your mental health. I'd need you to convince me that it's a problem!

Ask David: Featuring Matt May, MD 1. Nick asks: “What if you want a positive relationship with someone who does not want the same thing?” 2. Debbie asks: Hi David, I can't stop ruminating and obsessing about weird states of minds or when I was afraid of harming someone or remembering. Everyone says to let go but why do I hang on. Where in your book can you help me? 3. Dean asks: I'm having trouble sleeping. What should I do? 4. Kathy asks a question about social anxiety / panic and the hidden emotion technique. Note: The answers below were generated prior to the podcast, and the information provided on the live podcast may be richer and different in a number of ways. 1. Nick asks many general relationship problems that all need specific examples. Dear David, Thank you for all the amazing work you do. Your books and podcasts have helped me to understand and start to transform a lot of negative and unwanted frames that I carry around. I'm also working with a Level 3 therapist who I found through the Feeling Good Institute. One area I'm working on is building my empathy skills using the Five Secrets model. I see how powerful it is in situations where both people are open to a positive relationship. But I struggle with the idea that each of us creates our own interpersonal reality, and can always create a positive outcome regardless of the other person. Can you help me understand how to apply the technique to some challenging situations? - What happens if you want a positive relationship with the other person, but they fundamentally do not? I find that this situation leads the other person to react to the Five Secrets with anger or indifference. Or they view you as weak for exposing your emotions and vulnerability, and try to exploit them for advantage over you. Is it even worth trying to have a positive relationship with such a person? David's reply I try not to impose on people who do not want a positive relationship with me. You could also provide a specific example, as I always insist on having! These vague questions to my ear are kind of useless. Matt's reply David, you've said that the cause of all relationship problems is Blame.  I agree with this and sense that Nick's question is driving at that point, as well.  If someone doesn't want to participate in our definition of a ‘positive' relationship, the approach that is most in line with the 5-Secrets and Empathy is to let go and stop demanding the other person change.  That's the cause of the problem:  trying to force people to do things, our way, regardless of what they want.  This will cause them to resist and will damage the relationship. David, you have also talked about the opposite mindset of blame, where we can wield 5-Secrets honestly and effectively, the concept of ‘Open Hands'.  When we have the attitude of ‘Open Hands', we can welcome other people and receive them or gracefully let go. This mental state avoids conflict and the ‘blame game' in a healthy, non-avoidant way. For example, if someone says, “I don't want to have a relationship with you”.  We might reply, using the 5-Secrets, ‘You're right, I've been disrespectful and inappropriately pushing you too hard in the direction of having a relationship with me.  I appreciate your letting me know, clearly, that this isn't something you want.  While I can imagine you might be angry with me, I'm sure you don't want to talk about that, but prefer, instead, to end the relationship as quickly as possible.  I'm feeling awkward and would like to get out of your hair as soon as possible, too.  What can I do to facilitate ending this relationship in a way you would be satisfied with?” To put it another way, while you can maximize your chances of having a positive interpersonal experience with someone, using these communication skills, the 5-Secrets, they are not ‘mind control' and trying to use them that way will only make matters worse, hence the importance of the internal mindset of ‘open hands', accepting others' preferences and being willing to let go, perhaps grieve, refocus our attention elsewhere, if that's not what they want.  Otherwise, we are in the ‘chasing' and ‘blaming' role, which is doomed to fail, as has been discussed on previous podcasts. It may also be useful to consider whether it's actually possible to ‘not have a relationship' with someone.  My sense is that there is, in fact, a relationship, even between total strangers and between people who have decided, mutually, to end their relationship.  We could point out how those two types of relationships might differ, say, if you were to bump into each other in a grocery store.  In the latter example, you might be expected to try a bit harder to avoid contact, with an agreed-upon, ‘ex' than you would, with a stranger.  There are rules and expectations and ways in which both people think about the other person and define their ‘relationship', even if you are saying that it has ‘ended'.  The conflict comes when we don't have the same agenda and don't agree on the terms and rules of the relationship. There are many other related topics, including the ‘gentle ultimatum', ‘interpersonal decision making' and ‘blame CBA' which could be useful for Nick. Nick continues - What if you believe the other person does have a fundamental desire for a good relationship, but they are so attached to their anger, fear or depression that their only reaction is hostility and defense? Perhaps such a person can't or won't admit to their emotions, and rejects the empathy. Should you keep trying, and at what point if any should you give up? David's reply Need a specific example! I may have mentioned that! Matt's reply:  A specific example sure would help!  The problem seems related to the ‘blame game' which we just talked about.  We are demanding the other person change, and stop being so hostile and defensive.  Instead, consider using Interpersonal Decision Making and look at the three options that are available, in any relationship.  If you decide to take responsibility for the relationship, try the Relationship Journal, so you can see through the blame that is causing the problem.  You could also use positive reframing to admire their hostility, defensiveness, anger, fear and depression. Nick continues: Perhaps there are mistaken or lying about the facts, and unwilling to admit it. Or you disbelieve what they say because it doesn't match their actions or is calculated to deflect blame. For example, you may have a conflict over who cleans the house. The objective fact is that you do this 80% of the time and have done it the last 5 times in a row, while the other person has consistently left garbage lying around. Yet the other person says "I feel like you never do housework and I am always the one cleaning, and I'm sick of it". How can you find truth in such a statement? David's reply Work this out on a Relationship Journals. Write down what you said next, and follow th steps clearly spelled out in Feeling Good Together. Or, I could send you one. Matt's Reply Disarming is really challenging because it requires us to let go of our version of the ‘truth', at least temporarily, in order to see the other person's truth.  People often don't want to do that, even for a moment!  Furthermore, if the other person is angry, they are likely to distort the truth in their statements, for effect, to be more persuasive.  The problem with this, is that it will call our attention to the lies they are telling, tempting us away from seeing their truth.  Without knowing more about the situation, I could only guess at what their ‘truth' is.  Here are some possibilities, though:  Is it possible that they have some reasonable expectation for us to do more of the cleanup than them?  Are they offering something else in the relationship that offsets their lack of cleaning?  Do they do the majority of the cooking?  Do they do the shopping?  Do they pay more of the bills?  Also, were they the last one to do the cleaning?  When they clean, do they spend more time on it or do a more thorough job?  When they clean, do they clean up their things as well as yours?  Do you do that?  You stated that they leave their 'garbage lying around'.  Is that how they see it?  Is it possible that they put their things precisely where they wanted them to be and didn't want you ‘tidying up'? The point is that disarming requires seeing the bigger picture, not just the one data point that best supports your blaming them.  Try to see past this and, if you can't, considering Interpersonal Decision making and the Blame CBA, where you would write down the good reasons to blame the other person and insist that your version of the truth is complete and correct and that theirs is wrong and bad. Nick carries on - What should you do in situations where you both have attachments to other incompatible goals? In Lee's case on episodes 96-98 of your podcast and Chapter 27 of Feeling Great, both Less and his wife had the same fundamental values with regard to raising their daughter. So once he applied the Five Secrets, they were able to move past their ego defenses and share the same perspective. But what if there is a zero-sum situation where both of you have different core values? For example, choosing a grade school for your child. One parent sincerely believes in their core values that their child will benefit from attending a rigorous school where they will be challenged and grow. The other parent sincerely believes in their core values that children should be in a relaxed environment where they can play as much as possible. Can the Five Secrets help with this type of conflict? David's reply Read the chapter in Feeling Good Together on the idea that the attempt to solve the problem IS the problem, and the refusal to solve it is the solution. I think you've got some work to do! Now we'll see if you do it! Matt's Response In this case, you could agree to disagree and let a professional decide what would be best for your child.  Studies conducted longitudinally by Chess and Thomas showed that no one parenting style was ‘best' overall, but rather that outcomes for human being were determined primarily by how well the parenting style suited the child. 2. Debbie asks: Hi David, I can't stop ruminating and obsessing about weird states of minds or when I was afraid of harming someone or remembering. Everyone says to let go but why do I hang on? Where in your book can you help me? David's reply You can read my book, When Panic Attacks. You can use search function on website for many illuminating podcasts on anxiety and OCD. You can sign up for the free anxiety class. Go for it. Then ask specific questions about something you're working on based on these resources. Matt's reply Well, you're not alone!  Nobody can ‘stop ruminating'.  Try a mental experiment, where you try to ‘stop ruminating about a blue-eyed tiger'.  Tell yourself, ‘I must stop ruminating about a blue eyed tiger!  I must stop ruminating about a blue eyed tiger!'.  You will come to realize that it's Impossible and the harder you try, the more you obsess.  One possible solution is to find something else, something better, to become the focus of your attention.  Imagine a ‘Miracle Cure' were possible.  What would you most wish to see happen in your life? You could then use the Decision Making Form, to weigh different options, comparing the miracle cure to the status quo, for example.  There are, after all, real advantages to ruminating and obsessing.  You might have a sense that you're being responsible, protecting others, preventing yourself from going into weird states of mind and harming people.  This is part of your moral nature, doing no harm, being considerate and thoughtful, sacrificing your needs for others.  That's a good thing!  Also, you might be afraid of committing to pursuing your dreams, for good reason.  There are real disadvantages of doing that.  The risk of failure, humiliation, conflict, disappointment and defeat, for example.  Until you are convinced that you would want some other version of your life, despite the many advantages of rumination and the disadvantages of change, other methods are unlikely to be effective.  If you firmly decide and are committed to change, meaning that you have convinced yourself that this is what you want, on the Decision Making Form, then there are lots of methods that could be helpful. For example, you could use the Get Specific method and an assessment of Process Resistance.  When do I want to be cured?  What would I be willing to do, to have my dreams come true?  What are some small steps I  could take to get there (Anti-Procrastination / Little Steps for Big Feats).  What time will I do these tasks?  Sit down and schedule time in your day to pursue your dreams (Activity Scheduling).  If intrusive thoughts come in, try ‘Self Monitoring and Response Prevention'.  If temptation is especially tenacious, try the Devil's Advocate Technique.  I'd recommend looking into things like the ‘Hidden Emotion'.  Is ruminating a form of ‘niceness', an avoidance of a conflict?  For example, who are you angry with?  Have you told them?  If you go live your best life, who would object?  You can also give yourself a certain amount of time, per day, to obsess, wholeheartedly (worry breaks).  How much time would you like to spend ruminating?  Schedule this time and if you're ruminating outside that time, remind yourself that you have plenty of time to ruminate later.  Again, there are a lot of methods that could help and finding the right ones will be a bit of trial and error! 3. Dean asks: I'm having trouble sleeping. What should I do? Hi Dr. Burns, I picked up a copy of 'Feeling Great' and am excited to start reading it. I have been battling anxiety, depression, and severe chronic insomnia for the past year. Do I start with TEAM-CBT for anxiety/depression and deal with that first, or do I supplement with CBTi-for Insomnia and do both at the same time? I met with the Mayo Clinic last fall and they said the root cause of the Insomnia is some depression. I have been to a lot of doctors, specialists, and therapists and so far no one has been able to help. Thank you! David's reply I am not familiar with the insomnia app but it can likely give you some of the basics of sleep hygiene in case you do not already know them. TEAM can be helpful, to say the least, for the mood or relationship issues that may be triggering the troubles sleeping. Often, we may have trouble sleeping because we are upset about something. Sleep difficulties are a non-specific manifestation of being upset about something. There is no special relationship with depression, however. It could be anxiety, anger, anything. Let me know what evolves for you! And, of course, sleep difficulties do not always result from emotional disturbance, but this is often the case. For humans, problems don't usually just come from out of the blue, but from your life! David Matt's reply The best response to the question, ‘How do I get to sleep at night', that I've heard is, ‘try to stay awake'. Meanwhile, I have a couple of thoughts on diagnosis and treatment planning. Having a diagnosis of ‘anxiety' or ‘depression' is like having a ‘diagnosis' of ‘cough' or ‘fever'.  Our feelings are symptoms, not the source.  g.  if someone has symptoms of a cough and fever, that could be the result of any number of different underlying causes:  bacteria, viruses, fungi, allergic reactions, autoimmune disease, toxin exposures, etc., etc.  To make more accurate guesses about an appropriate treatment regimen, we need greater specificity.  In the treatment of symptoms like depression, anxiety and insomnia, we would need to know much more about a specific moment in time when you were having these symptoms, what you were doing, what you were thinking and details about the feeling state you were in before deciding how to prioritize the methods that would be part of a treatment plan, which we call a ‘recovery circle' in TEAM. In medical school, they train physicians to ‘cast a very wide net', when considering all the possible causes of the symptoms a patient is experiencing. This list of possible causes is referred to as a ‘differential diagnosis' by physicians.  The idea is to organize this list according to what is statistically most likely given all the information we have on hand and to conduct various tests to narrow down these options, in order to prioritize a treatment strategy that is most likely to be effective.  Meanwhile, we want to keep open in our minds that our diagnosis could be wrong and that we will need to monitor the outcome carefully, with frequent testing, rather than assume we know the ‘root' problem with 100% certainty, so we can modify the treatment strategy based on results. While it's tempting to try to try to optimize treatment results by matching the diagnosis with a ‘school' of therapy, (ERP for OCD, EMDR for trauma, DBT for BPD, etc.), there are several problems with this ‘schools' vs. ‘tools' approach to therapy. For one, the reality is that people are quite complex beings and diagnostic labels are quite imprecise and limited.  Even when we have an accurate diagnosis, we can't predict precisely which specific set of methods will be required to help someone recover.  Furthermore, even if someone has the exact same set of upsetting negative thoughts related to their anxiety, depression and insomnia, perhaps their thoughts circle from ‘I must get some sleep, I'll never get to sleep, I'll feel terrible tomorrow, Everything will go wrong, I'm a hopeless case, I'm a loser…I must get some sleep (repeat)', even if the thoughts are the same in multiple different people, we can only make informed guesses, rather than predict, perfectly, what method(s) will suit that individual best.  Will it be the double standard technique, or cognitive flooding, sleep restriction, the hidden emotion, the Socratic technique or memory rescripting, self-monitoring or response prevention, something else? The solution to this uncertainty is the Recovery Circle. The ‘recovery circle' is a customized list of at least twenty methods, that are selected based on the specific feelings, thoughts or behaviors someone would like to see change.  Each of these methods will have some reasonable chance to help an individual, with their particular thoughts and feelings and behaviors.  The idea is then to ‘fail our way to success', using trial-and-error, with measurement in between, to discover, scientifically, what is the best method for that individual.  Once we do, we focus on practicing that method regularly to gain skill with it, until our patients are not only cured, but able to recover from relapses on their own, because they know the methods that are most helpful to them. Another consideration is that, in general, folks benefit from an approach that is kind, empathic, respectful, grounded in science and measurement, and attentive to resistance and motivational barriers to change. One reason I would recommend TEAM to a family member or friend is that it contains each of these necessary elements of therapy and also has the greatest diversity of tools to help someone, as well as a customized approach to treatment.  I think that's why TEAM has been shown to be much more effective than other forms of therapy. All that said, it's important to realize that TEAM itself is incomplete and we would want to continue to expand up the model and, when you're in treatment, know that it's fine to get a second, third or fourth opinion on what methods and approaches are most likely to benefit you. 4. Kathy asks about social anxiety, panic and the hidden emotion technique. Hi Dr. Burns, Thank you so much for all the great information you put out there! I had a question about hidden emotion. If I experienced dizziness in a social setting ten years ago and now I panic whenever I am in a similar situation anticipating the dizziness. Is there still a connection to the original emotion that is still hidden or is it a habit at this point? Thank you so much David's reply Were you upset with somebody or something in that situation? Matt's reply: You could use uncovering techniques, like the ‘What If' Technique and the ‘Interpersonal Downward Arrow', among others, to figure that out. For example, ‘what if you got dizzy?  What's the worst that could happen? You can write down your answer, and continue to ask yourself, ‘what if that happened, what would I be anxious about?'.  Then, as yourself, if that happened, what would other people think about me?  How would they treat me?  What kind of people are these people, I'm imagining?  How do I feel about people like that?  

The Dramatic Journey of Jason Meno In today's podcast, we interview the amazing but humble Jason Meno, who has been doing incredible programming for the Feeling Good App for the past year. Like everyone on our app development team, Jason was driven to TEAM-CBT and the Feeling Good App by his own personal struggles, and also by his training in Buddhism and his commitment to doing something to help relieve the enormous suffering endured by so many people in the United States and around the world who are struggling with depression and anxiety. The podcast notes will focus first on how he recently came to join our app team, and then on Jason's amazing early years in his search for meaning and a solution to his personal suffering and tragedies. Jason's journey to the Feeling Good App Jason began the podcast by describing how he became familiar with David's work. Then he described his own personal journey and search for enlightenment. I'll summarize some of both in these show notes. He said: I was struggling with severe depression in 2020. I felt like my body was falling apart because I've been afflicted with type 1 diabetes since I was five years old. I didn't have the resources to work with a therapist and felt hopeless, so I searched the internet, looking for a way of overcoming depression on my own. I first turned to apps for help, but my experience was not great. I eventually found David's book, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. Through that book, I discovered that depression and anxiety are cons and that I was tricking myself. However, I didn't use the tools or do the written exercises in the book. I started listening to the Feeling Good Podcasts and waited for the new book, Feeling Great. Often, when listening to the podcasts I would start crying. I am not a crier, and this often happened in public, so it was pretty embarrassing! I was also practicing meditation every day, but that didn't provide much help. It does have its benefits and was a solace for me when I had nothing else, but after years of practicing, it still didn't give me the tools to combat the thoughts that trigger depression and suicidal urges. But then I had an “ah-ha” moment when David talked about resistance and the power of positive reframing. It was a tremendous relief to see that it was reasonable to feel the way I was feeling. I devoured the Feeling Great book but still wanted to die since I was still not doing the written exercises that David repeatedly urges the reader to do. Then, on one of the podcasts, someone said, “you can't challenge your negative thoughts in your head.” I resisted that message and told myself that I had no negative thoughts. Many of my negative thoughts are quiet since you learn to empty your mind when you meditate. But then I realized that negative thoughts are just the top layer of your consciousness and that the concept of “cognitions” not only includes thoughts like “I'm a loser,” but also your daydreams, beliefs, and perceptions. Then, once I sat down and wrote down my negative thoughts, identified their distortions, and challenged them with more realistic thoughts, I began to feel a lot better within five minutes! If you, the podcast listener, are feeling down, there's a step-by-step guide in Feeling Great that could be enormously helpful to you. I started following this guide, and then I really started to feel great. After using it a few times, I had the thought, “Wow, this could be a pretty amazing app!” One of the first questions you ask yourself, “do I really want to feel better?” had a massive impact on me and, of course, is one of the unique elements of TEAM-CBT. And although I made mistakes while using the tools on my own, they still helped more than anything else I've tried. Eventually, I saw a non-TEAM therapist who provided me with some great empathy and valuable perspectives while I used the TEAM-CBT process and daily mood log on my own. Then I suddenly realized that I had no more suicidal thoughts. TEAM-CBT is a way for you to rapidly train your mind and develop a new mindset that reduces suffering. This is an important ethical issue to me, given all the suffering that remains throughout the world, and it reminded me of my Buddhist vow to help others. So, I signed up to be a beta tester for David's Feeling Good App. However, I was disappointed in the early version I tested and created a 12-page document listing my complaints. Then I reached out to Jeremy Karmel, the CEO of the Feeling Good App, and he invited me to join the development team. I was so excited that I left my job as a data scientist working on an automated insulin device and joined the app development team. And although I was not familiar with the computer language Jeremy was using, I learned it quickly, and now I'm programming all kinds of cool things for the app! Jason's early years You may or may not be familiar with Herman Hesse's famous 1922 novel, “Siddhartha,” which traced the journey of the young Buddha as he was searching for personal enlightenment and unlocking the key to human suffering. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siddhartha_(novel)) I have not read many books, because I am a slow reader, but that one is short and has always been one of my favorites. Jason's intense and dramatic journey reminds me of Siddhartha's path. Jason's road to TEAM-CBT, his current passion, was not a direct one at all. Like myself (David), he was raised in a strict Christian home but found himself attracted to exciting and controversial topics when he was in high school, like astral traveling and “lucid dreaming,” which means becoming aware when you are dreaming so you can take charge of your dreams and do things in your dream world that you may not be permitted to do in real life. For example, Jason has been treated for type 1 diabetes since the age of 5 and has to monitor his blood glucose levels 24 hours a day. Things like fresh orange juice are dangerous because they cause a spike in blood sugar, but in a lucid dream you can drink all the orange juice you want! I can identify with Jason's yearning for fresh squeezed orange juice, because I grew up in Phoenix, Arizona, and we had many orange trees in our yard, so the orange juice was plentiful and incredibly delicious! When Jason was a teenager, there was a magic / occult shop near his high school that he would joyfully and curiously explore after school, but his parents were dead set against it. They told him that he was exploring ideas promoted by the devil and threatened to kick him out of the house! I also identified with these memories, as I also used to hang out in magic stores in Phoenix when I was in high school. But these were more the kinds of shops that sold tricks of various kinds that magicians could use. Although Jason studied biomedical engineering in college, he continued to be fascinated by his more exciting “alternative” occult pursuits, and dropped out of college to join a cult in Sedona, Arizona. The cult members insisted that he could cure his diabetes simply by believing he could, so he obediently stopped taking his insulin and monitoring his blood sugar for one day and nearly died. Jason described that his mother struggled with emotional issues. After running away with him twice when he was 10, she lost custody and disappeared to Santiago, Chile. Jason had not heard from her since. But one day, out of the blue, his brother called him and said that their mom had suddenly returned home, and there was some talk of starting a family bakery. Jason was thrilled and purchased a plane ticket to fly from Indiana to Hanford, California, to surprise his mom after not seeing her for 10 years and offer to help with the bakery. But then right before leaving, his sister called and asked if he had heard the news. At first, he thought she was talking about the family bakery, but his sister said, “No, mom just committed suicide.” Jason was devastated and sadly flew home out for the funeral. Although his mother's body was not present at the funeral, he looked and suddenly thought he saw her standing in the church during the service. This jolted him, understandably, until it dawned on him that it was his mother's twin sister. His aunt offered him a new life, a car, and a beautiful home in Carmel-by-the-Sea, California, but he was still obsessed with the cult, so he returned to the cult in Arizona. He spent all his savings of $3,000 for special training to become a cult leader and ended up living as a homeless person in Boulder, Colorado. However. he started running out of his diabetes medications and having panic attacks. He eventually found work in a Buddhist retreat center in the mountains of Colorado and started studying Buddhism, making friends with the monks, and began doing traditional mediation. He said that mediating intensified his negative feelings, and he became suicidal, and even tried a special “suicide meditation” that he'd learned from the cult in Arizona. They claimed that if you did this meditation, you would disappear and end up in a kind of different universe, but after trying it several times, he realized it was all bunk and gave it up, along with the other crazy cult things he'd been taught. However, he did make a sound connection with traditional Buddhism, and lived at the retreat center for about a year. He described a special meditation where you ask yourself, “what doesn't need to change?” The goal is to discover that the answer is “nothing” since everything is in constant flux, and this meditation is intended to lead to a kind of acceptance. But, he says, “at first I resisted.” He said he did experience feelings of pleasure and euphoria during some of his mediations, but that this was not a permanent cure for his depression. That's because the meditation was a distraction or escape from his negative thoughts, a kind of temporary trance-like state, but when you finish meditating, you are back to your normal life, so your negative thoughts and feelings return. Jason has become an enthusiastic advocate of TEAM-CBT, and described two ways of challenging negative thoughts based on David's Externalization of Voices Technique. One approach is highly rational, and it reduces your negative feelings but does not flood you with feelings of joy or enlightenment. The other approach reduces your negative feelings AND energizes you with feelings of joy. The second involves using David's Externalization of Voices Technique along with the three strategies for crushing negative thoughts: Acceptance Self-Defense The CAT, or Counter-Attack Technique. David asked Jason to discuss one of the traditional Buddhist definitions of enlightenment. You are “enlightened” if you are free of greed, ignorance, and delusions. However, he sent this delightful email following the podcast recording: Hi David and Rhonda, Thank you so much again for having me on the podcast! It was a blast! I wanted to clarify an important mistake I made: A commonly accepted Buddhist definition of enlightenment is to be completely free of the three root poisons of greed, hatred, and delusion. These are considered to be the source of suffering / negative thoughts / mind states (Buddhists refer to these as Kleshas). I can't remember exactly what I said in the podcast, but I think I may have incorrectly listed the three poisons as greed, delusion, and ignorance. Delusion and Ignorance are considered to be in the same category, so I think I forgot Hatred. Oops! Looks like I'll have to brush up on my studies again! Hopefully, we can help make this clear in the show notes as well. If you or anyone you know is at all interested in learning more about Buddhism, its philosophies, and history, I highly recommend the YouTube channel Doug's Dharma. Candidly, Jason I am very grateful for the creative and life-changing contributions that Jason is making in our Feeling Good App, and I feel tremendously lucky to know Jason on a personal and professional level. His quite humility speaks loudly and boldly about the kind of loving and genuine person he is, and if you decide to beta-test our app, you will have the chance to benefit from his personal journey and his professional genius! If you're interested, you can sign up to beta test the app at www.feelinggood.com/app. If you would like to contact Jason, you can reach him at asonmeno@feelinggoodapp.com. After reviewing the draft of the show notes, I got this link from Jason: Also, if you are interested in reading a little more of the story, I wrote this article a few years ago about some scary health challenges I had and how I ended up leaving the Buddhist retreat center and returning to school: Buddhist Enlightenment or Just Life with Diabetes? Thanks for listening today! Thanks! Rhonda, Jason, and David

Podcast #300: Celebrating Five Million Plus  In today's podcast, we celebrate, thanks to Rhonda and Fabrice, our 300th podcast, featuring some of our most beloved guests since our first podcast on October 27, 2016. We began with Fabrice Nye, who describes the birth of the Feeling Good Podcast, and two of our favorite and most popular guests, Drs. Matthew May and Jill Levitt. The schedule for all of the guests appears below. The featured guests include Fabrice Nye, Matthew May, Jill Levitt, Angela Krumm, Lorraine Wong, Kyle Jones, Brandon Vance, Heather Clague, Leigh Harrington, Sarah Hester, Brian Wright, Mark Noble, Thai-An Truong, Stirling Moorey, Rose Markotic, Mark Taslimi, Sunny Choi and Elizabeth Dandenell. Time Featured Guests 1:30-1:45 Fabrice Nye, The father of us all! #177, Research in Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy Matt May, co-therapist with David: live therapy with Marilyn & me, Many, many Ask David episodes, #265, Exposure to Leeches with Danielle Kamis Jill Levitt, David's co-therapist doing personal work with David, plus #146, When Helping Doesn't Help 1:45-2:00 Angela Krumm (#270-losing weight & flirting), Lorraine Wong (#155-treating emotional eating & #257 Intensives), Kyle Jones (Dating strategies, #151-Treating LGBTQ, #157-Psychotherapy Training, and #267-Talking to loved ones who criticize your sexual orientation 2:00-2:10 Brandon Vance- #160 Listening to the Music of TEAM #161, Music under what someone is saying #249, Report on Feeling Great Book Clubs #260, TEAM games (with Amy Spector) Heather Clague-(All of the above except #249) 2:10-2:20 Leigh Harrington, #279, Goal setting for Habits & Addictions Sarah Hester,#181, Live therapy, treatment of panic and insecurity, #193, Relapse 2:20-2:30 Brian Wright, #235, Anger in Marriage/5 Secrets Revisited 2:30-2:40 Mark Noble, #100, The New Micro-Neurosurgery, #167, TEAM and the Brain, #275, His latest thinking on how the molecular biology of stress & learning are consistent with TEAM, plus his chapbook on TEAM Thai-An Truong, #178, co-therapist with David at Atlanta Intensive Social Anxiety Be Gone, #218, Postpartum Depression, #264, How to get laid with help from the 5-Secrets #283, The “O” of OCD 2:40-2:50 Stirling Moorey, #280, A Beloved Voice from the past, #289 & 290, A case of social anxiety, personal work with Anita 2:50-3:00 Rose Markotic, #252 & 253, Sadness as Celebration Mark Taslimi, #29-35, Live sessions with Mark, “I'm a failure as a father.” #141, 2-Year follow up “I've been a failure as a father.” 3:00-3:10 Sunny Choi, #214 & 215, The Approval Addiction Elizabeth Dandenell, #240 & 241, struggling with anxiety and fear of poverty.   Rhonda, Fabrice and I want to thank all of our guests who have contributed so generously to our efforts, and to all of you, who have supported us! Most of the guests today have done personal work with David, often with Jill, Matt, or Rhonda as co-therapists, and almost all had some version of “I'm not good enough” when they were upset, and all found solutions to this which expanded their humanness and deepened their skills as TEAM therapists.  Our guests who did personal work were asked how things had been for them since doing that work, and they all reported that the results have been long-lasting, even permanent! In the following email I just received, Dr. Matthew May shared some feelings about today's show. Hi David, I like the show notes and approve of their humble nature.  Brevity is the soul of wit! If I were to edit anything, and I'm not sure that I would, it would be to list all the names of all the excellent folks who participated, in the first paragraph. My sense is that it was their vulnerability, as well as their willingness to do challenging personal work, that led to enduring improvements in mood, relationships and lives. I thought it was the personal endorsements and descriptions of how TEAM has improved their lives, that were the most compelling themes of the podcast. Adding to this, it goes without saying, that none of this would have happened without you, David.  You created this model of therapy for one thing.  You also created this community of people.  As you said before the podcast started, the most meaningful and important part of all of this has been the relationships and friendships that have developed as a result of this work.  (I'm paraphrasing and not doing a very good job of it, sadly!). In any case, I caught myself wondering if this format of therapy, one that is public and open, might be the future.  Meaning, instead of hiding our flaws and insecurities behind closed doors, if we might continue to attack the shame and stigma of “mental illness” by exposing it to the light of day, realizing that there was nothing to be ashamed of or afraid of, only opportunities to connect and be in the good company of other flawed, imperfect souls, just like us. -Matt Fabrice replied to Matt: Early Christians were doing their confessions in public—why not? ☺ Our numbers continue to grow each month, so please continue to tell your friends about us. We do not accept commercial advertising, something Fabrice suggested early in our development, so you are our only marketing team, and we thank you for sticking with us and sending us so many beautiful emails, reporting your responses to our shows, asking questions, and suggesting new topics. Our audience consists of lay people looking for personal healing as well as mental health professionals looking for new treatment tools as well as their own personal healing. Warmly, Fabrice, Rhonda, Matt and David

You know, I used to think that getting things done in this world was all about having control. If I could just control this and that, then I'd be able to achieve X, Y and Z. But the older I get, the more I've realised that it's all about influence and not control. Because as things turn out, influence is far more powerful than control. EXPANDING YOUR INFLUENCE Well, if you were able to join me last week on the program you'll know that we chatted about the prayer of Jabez – a man who had a pretty rugged start in life. His name literally means ‘You're a Pain', and yet he stood head and shoulders above his brothers and the hundreds of other names listed in the nine chapters of genealogy in the middle of which we find him. Why did Jabez stand out from the crowd? Because he prayed a prayer for God's abundant blessing. Here it is again: Jabez was more honourable than his brothers and his mother called his name Jabez saying, ‘because I bore him in pain' and Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, ‘Oh that you would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that your hand will be with me and that you would keep me from evil that I may cause no pain'. So God granted him what he requested. (1 Chronicles 4:9,10) We've seen the power so far of asking for the first part, O God that you would bless me indeed. (1 Chronicles 4:10) Bless me abundantly, bless me just the way you want to bless me. That's a powerful prayer. Ask God to bless you and then leave it up to Him … His Father's heart to choose how He wants to bless you. God wants to bless you abundantly, He really does. Not with trinkets and toys but with the sort of blessings that will fill your heart with joy and flow through you and over the top of you and right into the lives of other people. That's how things work in God's economy of blessing. You know that line ‘faith without works is dead'? The opposite is also true. When our faith is working its way out – as God's blessing flows through us into the lives of other people, as God uses the gifts He's given us to bless others – all of a sudden our faith becomes alive and vibrant and real. Flat, dry, lifeless faith becomes a thing of the past. So can I say, faith with God inspired, God empowered works is so incredibly alive? Now let's go onto the second part of what Jabez prayed. Right after asking God to bless him indeed, what was the very next thing he prayed? Oh, that you would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory. (1 Chronicles 4:10) Territory was a big thing back in those days. In fact, for all of Israel's history having your own land has been a big deal. They spent centuries waiting to take the Promised Land. And when finally, God took them there under Joshua they had to fight for it battle by battle. So expanding your land, expanding your borders, your territory was a huge deal for an Israelite. Still today, Israel is fighting for land several millennia on from when Jabez prayed this prayer. A little while back on the program, we talked about whether or not you and I are kingdom builders or empire builders. Are you in the business of building your own personal empire or are you in the business of building the Kingdom of God? Good question, a question each one of us should be asking ourselves on a constant basis. But let's go back for a minute to the first part of the prayer, the request for God to bless us indeed – a whole lot, abundantly, over flowingly, more than we could ever hope for, dream or imagine – let's say God does that. Let's say God blesses you so much that you can't contain it. The natural result is an overflow, kind of what, like Jesus was talking about in John chapter 7, verses 37 and 38. He said: Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and let the one who believes in me drink. As the Scripture has said, ‘out of the believer's heart shall flow rivers of living water'. When you have that much of God's blessing overflowing out of you, when you have the Spirit of God flowing out of you – it's not just a trickle, it's not just a stream, not just a river – but rivers of blessing, rivers of living water flowing through you into the parched dry land, of the lives of the people around you, people who need more of God's blessing. If that's happening, what's the next logical thing for you to ask? More influence of course, more people to share the blessing with. More people to experience the mighty blessings of God that you've been experiencing. The request for God's abundant blessing flows, naturally and logically, into a request for God to expand your borders. So that His Kingdom will come one soul at a time, to more and more souls. When I came to Christ (way back in 1995), right from the beginning, I couldn't contain the goodness and the joy of what I felt. I knew right back there, on that first day, day one, that I wanted to share this love of Christ with lots of other people. So I started to pray that God would give me the chance to do that and He did. And today, here I am with you and a few million other people across a hundred and sixty countries, chatting about the good news of Jesus. None of that came because I was particularly clever. None of that came through the great strategic planning of our Board of our ministry. It came as an answer to a simple prayer. Lord, please expand my borders and grow your Kingdom through me. It's a prayer that I pray daily because I know that's the only way people will be touched by the Holy Spirit through what I do. You see, we all labour in different parts of Gods vineyard, with the tools and gifts He's granted us by His grace. His blessing isn't limited by a lack of power or a lack of will. The well of God's blessing is infinitely deep. Imagine the delight in His heart when He hears you pray: Dear God, please bless me. Bless me, indeed. Please bless me more than I can imagine. And then Lord, God, expand my borders, my territory, my circle of influence so that I can share your blessing … the blessing that's overflowing through me with people who desperately need to experience you and your blessing. What do you think God would think when He hears you pray that prayer every morning, huh? I'm thinking that God would be absolutely over the moon at your motivation and your desire. I'm thinking that God would be ready to show up and answer that prayer. After all that's exactly what He did when Jabez prayed that prayer. ALL THE POWER YOU NEED Before the break we've been talking a lot about God's desire to bless us. Let me be a little more specific – God's overwhelming desire to bless you abundantly. No, not a sugar daddy kind of blessing, not an answer to prayers like, ‘Lord what I really want is a million bucks in my account, a Mercedes SLE in the driveway and a twenty-seven room house overlooking the water'. Now, in the right context, none of those are particularly bad things in and of themselves. They're just not prayers that God answers very often. God does want to bless us abundantly, super abundantly, Jesus said, ‘Beyond measure, without limit'. But He wants to bless us in a way that glorifies Him and in a way that's good for us. If you have a spoilt child at home, a teenager maybe, whose always demanding this or that and throwing tantrums when he doesn't get it. Would you bless him with more stuff? I hope not, because if you love him you need to help him grow up. If on the other hand, you had a child with a heart for helping other people, and doing the best she can possibly do, and sacrificing her life for other people – if she asked you for a blessing would you bless her? Absolutely you would! The only thing that would constrain you would be your resources and your power. Well, here's the good news, God is not constrained by resources or power. He has an infinite quantity of both of those. And like any good Father, God's heart is to bless us without measure provided that our intentions are the right intentions. And that's why we've been looking at the prayer of Jabez found tucked away, amidst nine chapters of dry boring genealogies. Jabez stands out head and shoulders above his brothers and above hundreds and hundreds of names in that genealogy and he stands out for this reason. It's because of what he prayed, what he asked God for. Let's take another look at it today, 1 Chronicles chapter 4, verses 9 and 10: Jabez was more honourable than his brothers and his mother called him Jabez saying ‘because I bore him in pain' and Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, ‘Oh, that you would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that you hand would be with me and that you would keep me from evil that I may not cause pain. So God granted him what he requested. Starting his life off with a name that literally meant ‘I'm a pain', well, it's not such a good start in life, is it? But despite that less than optimal start in life (something that a lot of us can relate to), he asked God to bless his socks off. And as that blessing overflowed out of his life, he then asked God to expand his territory to enable him to share that blessing with so many other people. Blessing is something that flows into us from above. But when God blesses us abundantly, it flows out through us to those around us. And as we see them being blessed through the blessing that's overflowing through us, the next natural thing to ask for, is for God to increase our borders so that we can share this blessing with more and more and more and more people. And that … that is something that God's only too delighted to do because after all, you and I are the entry points of His blessing into a lost and hurting world. We're here to be His blessing to those who need it. Before the break, I shared with you last week how early on (when I gave my life to Jesus); I knew that I just couldn't contain that blessing. I knew that I had to tell people about it and so I asked God to expand my borders. This He did beyond anything I could have imagined (way back then). Here I am now with you sharing the love and the blessing of Jesus Christ. But immediately, when those borders began to expand, I found myself completely out of my depth. When the number of radio stations airing this (this very program that you're listening to) grew from a handful to a few hundred to over a thousand, there were many times along the way that I was completely overwhelmed by how much had to be done to make it all happen. How many things were beyond my ability and my wisdom and my foresight, by how inadequate I was (and still am) for the task. Trust me, I'm not into false modesty. I'm telling you – the things that God calls the little ministry of Christianityworks to do (as we produce radio and television programs and reach out across the globe) – is breathtakingly, gob-smackingly scary on a daily basis. I suspect that's exactly what was happening to Jabez. And so the third part of his prayer went like this: God that you will bless me indeed and enlarge my territory and that your hand would be with me. He prayed that God's mighty hand would be with him and upon him. Throughout Scripture the hand of God is used as a symbol or a reference to God's immense power. Jabez knew – as more blessing came his way, and more opportunities to share that blessing came his way, as his territory grew – he simply couldn't do it on his own. Years ago, I stumbled across this amazing Scripture and it's one that I want to give you today, 2 Chronicles chapter 16, verse 9: For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the entire earth to show himself strong for those whose heart is true to him. Isn't that a beautiful scripture? The eyes of the Lord range throughout the entire earth to show himself strong for those whose heart is true to Him. In other words, when our heart is true to God – remember, God looks on a man's heart not on his exterior qualities – when our heart is true to God, He actively sees that because His eyes are roaming the earth looking for precisely that. And when He finds it in you and in me, He comes to us in a show of power to meet the incredible challenges of the abundant blessing and the expanded borders. God knows you and I can't do it on our own, He knows that. In fact, His plan was that we should always, always have to depend on Him. As Bruce Wilkinson writes in his little book, The Prayer Of Jabez, for the Christian, dependence is just another word for power. I love that! For the Christian, dependence is just another word for power. God wants us to depend on His power. AN IRON–CLAD DEFENCE The prayer of Jabez is an incredibly powerful prayer. Here it is again if you've missed it so far on the program: Now Jabez was more honorable than his brothers, and his mother called his name Jabez, saying, ‘Because I bore him in pain.' And Jabez called upon the God of Israel saying, ‘Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!' So God granted him what he requested. (1 Chronicles chapter 4, verses 9 and 10) Jabez asks God to bless him indeed, to bless him a lot. He asks God to enlarge his territory so he can share that blessing around. And with that increased territory and the increased opportunities to be a blessing, he asks that God's hand – God's power – would be upon him because he knows he won't be able to do it on his own. But it's the last part of the prayer, the part that we haven't yet talked about which is as important as the first three bits. Have a listen to it again: Lord keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain. Now remember the very name Jabez means to be a pain because of the great pain that Jabez's mother experienced in giving birth to him. So Jabez was already a pain, that's how people saw him because in Hebrew culture (way back then), your name was synonymous with whom you are. It was seen as a prophetic statement of who you'll become and how your life will turn out. So imagine the teasing and the chiding that Jabez must have had growing up at school. I mean other kids can be so cruel. Imagine as a young man being introduced to someone, something like this, ‘Hi David, meet the pain' and having David say, ‘wow what's that about? This guy must be some kind of loser'. Now Jabez did not want to cause pain and the one way to cause pain on this earth is to be evil. There's something that David Wilkinson wrote in his little book, The Prayer Of Jabez, that leapt out at me. He wrote this: Without doubt success brings with it greater opportunities than failure. As someone once said, ‘blessedness is the greatest of perils because it tends to dull our keen sense of dependence on God and make us prone to assumption. And Jabez had been praying for huge untold blessing, for a great expansion of his territory of influence, for the power of God to be upon him. And God, as we heard, granted him his requests. Now, we know the Bible says: Pride comes before the fall. (Proverbs 16:18) When things are going really, really well, your enemy and mine (the devil), is roaming around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Just think about it … if God blesses you so much that you can't contain the blessing, that His blessing flows out through you into the lives of other people, if He increases your territory so that you can share His blessing with more and more people, whose territory do you think you're treading on? The enemy's of course! He doesn't want the blessing of God to get around because people might discover who Jesus is. People might discover salvation is real and it's in Him alone. The blessedness of having a true and intimate relationship with God through Jesus – nah, the devil does not want that getting out. And he is a wily, cunning, smart individual. Don't ever think that satan is a dummy. No, he's been around the block a few million times. And nine times out of ten, satan has enough experience and enough gutter cunning to defeat us. He's stronger than you and me. In his own way, he's often smarter than you and me. And if we take him on – head on, on that field of temptation, it's much more likely than not that we're going to end up on the losing end of that equation. You've seen great men of faith fall, haven't you? Through sexual immorality leaving behind so many hurt and disillusioned followers. Ah no, the moment the blessing of God and the power of God is flowing through you (to touch the lives of other people), you can bet your life that your enemy, the devil, will be on your case. He'll be coming after you with a pickaxe to undo your plans to have an impact for Christ in this world. And the best way … the very, very best way … to win is not to fight at all. When I first read that in Wilkinson's book I thought, ‘that's so obvious, how come I didn't think of that?' And that's exactly what Jabez prayed: Keep me from evil, that I may cause no pain. It's exactly how Jesus taught His disciples to pray: Lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil. (Matthew 6:13) Let me ask you, how often do you pray that prayer? ‘Lord keep evil away from me, keep the devil away from me, keep temptation away from me', how often? Because it's the one prayer that provides you with an iron-clad defence against the enemy. Take him on and there's every chance you'll lose. Have God help you to avoid the battle and you're guaranteed of a win. Now, sometimes God allows us to be tempted as He did with Jesus, when He was cast out in the wilderness by the Holy Spirit (for forty days and forty nights) to be tempted by the devil. Sometimes God tests our faith in Him by using the devil as His tool. And that's when you need to be clothed in the armour of God. But my friend, when you're tired and weak (in the cut and thrust of your day), the devil wants to slip under your guard. And the best way to avoid that is to ask God to keep you from evil each and every day. It's amazing how supernaturally He answers that prayer, remember the devil has to obey God; he just can't do anything without God's permission. I mean, when he set out to attack Job in the Old Testament and each step of the way the devil required God's permission. ‘Lord keep me from evil, lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil‘ is the most powerful prayer that you can pray to preserve your heritage, to keep the devil from robbing you of the blessing that God is giving you. The thief comes only to kill, steal and destroy but I have come (said Jesus) that you may have life in all its abundance. (John 10:10) Ain't that the truth? God wants to bless you. And one of the things He will do for you is bless you by keeping evil away from you. That's what Jabez prayed, that's what Jesus taught because each of us have a Achilles heel, mine is perfectionism and anger. I used to be a very, very angry man. Now, I'm still not a softy. I'm no push over but there are certain people who I know who are going to rub me up the wrong way. I cannot stand, for instance, laziness. It completely sets me off. So when I know that I'm going to be running into someone who's going flick my switch as it were I pray this prayer: Lord, Keep me from evil. And the power of God to do that is simply amazing. Truly, I've said it so many times in my life where the Lord stills my spirit to avoid that critical spirit of perfectionism and anger that comes with it. Or He just changes the circumstances to avoid the temptation all together. Truly, I tell you, when you ask God to bless you … when you ask Him to expand your territory of influence and blessing, when you ask Him to have His mighty hand upon you and with you … He will answer you in the most amazing ways. In ways that you can't even hope for, dream or imagine. And as that starts to happen, the devil will come along, just as Jesus predicted, to kill, steal and destroy – to rob you of the blessings because he knows that if he can get you to sin he will interrupt the flow of God's blessings through you into this world. It's like capping the oil well. He knows that, that's why the moment you see the blessing of God flowing through you, you know that you have a target painted on your chest that the devil is going to be aiming at. Listen to me … God wants to bless you. He so wants to bless you and yet like any father, if the child sins He's going to interrupt that flow of blessing. That's why you and I need to pray: Lord, Keep me from evil, lead me not in to temptation but deliver me from evil. (Matthew 6:13) It invites the supernatural power of God to protect you and to give you an iron-clad defence. Pray the prayer and like Jabez, God will grant you what you request.

Hi David,     In this episode your host, David Weaver, talks with entrepreneur Danny Decker, Co-Founder of The Automatic Marketing Machine.    Danny Decker is a speaker, author, podcast host, consultant, and marketing coach for ambitious entrepreneurs. His mission is to help business owners create the marketing plan they have always needed.    He also has a book out called: Marketing Simplified  Where Danny shares the exact steps that he used to build a million dollar business, from scratch, in a highly competitive industry.   During this episode Danny & David discuss Danny's journey into entrepreneurship, how he effectively grew his business, while providing insight on how to create a customized marketing strategy that works specifically for your businesses needs.    To learn more about Danny, his book: Marketing Simplified & gain access to a wealth of FREE marketing tips & strategies, visit: www.DannyDeckerMarketing.com   If you'd like to be a guest on Sacrifice to Success, click HERE:  https://lnkd.in/dUj-4bEV   To learn more about how I serve business owners, visit: davidweavercoach.com

In todays episode of Join Up Dots we answer a few questions from listeners across the world all looking to move their futures into a bright and promising place. So lets star with the first of the three questions. Hi David, i heard you say the other day that you used to be a born worrier who never looked like he was worrying but you had solved that problem. I think I have the same condition so would love to know the steps you took to get your worries under control?Iris H, Kidderminsterr Now the second question Hi David do you feel that because of your work over the last few years you have the answers due to the successes or failures? It seems that most podcasts focus on the successes, but it also seems that most of these kind of trip you up as they come unexpectedly? I am building a classic car respiration business (Ford Cars from 1980 to 1989) and have discovered my best successes have been when i have just been chatting to someone and discovered that they had an RS Cosworth sitting rusting in their garages. Thanks for your timeDavid Mills And finally the third of the questions. Hi Join Up Dots, love the show and always come away with huge inspiration from everything. At my core I know that i am risk averse and always play safe. I would love to start my own business somehow, but dont want to put my life savings into something that could go wrong...Any suggestions? Jenny Helper, Ontario Canada.

Comedian and sketch legend David Cross joins the podcast to promote his upcoming comedy special, I'M FROM THE FUTURE. Together with Gil and Grant, they discuss everything from David's youth in Atlanta, to his latest special and theories of 'comedy sequencing,' to his time on SNL, and the unique club that both he and George belong to: losing Grammys to Weird Al. Go to Diet Smoke dot com, use the promo code “OMGHI” for 20% off. OMG, Hi! is a weekly podcast with George Lopez featuring surprise celebrity guests, listener call-ins, stories of George's haunted house, hot takes, and more. Leave a voicemail: (818) 533-1843. Subscribe! https://bit.ly/OMGHiShow  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi David, you said on a recent podcast to share your successes with you via email or voice message so here goes. I think i must have listened to every episode of Join Up Dots you have released over the years, and after every episode i thought "right im going to start my own thing and create my own life" Trouble was i never did, until lockdown last year when the world was ending and everything seemed to be right for changing direction. So i started a business with my Dad, getting old bikes from freecycle and craigs list, tarting them up and then selling them for a profit. It has been fun and the business now turns over £600 each per month. Now this wasnt life changing, so i used my half to start a small online business providing turnkey children's parties.  You order online and we send you games, balloons and stuff based around a theme. So your kid wants a Star Wars themed party and everything we send is based around that. We simply started with putting leaflets around the town, supermarket, libraries and got a few orders in, which we then bought the stuff and sent it out.  Now we are developing an app to do it online and have more of an idea of what the popular themes are, so we can bulk buy and keep the prices down. The idea is to outsource to India or China to ramp things up. The key thing that i realised is what you say all along. dont look for the passion, the passion is making money and changing my life. I have now gone down to three days per week in my job and the future is looking good.  I am so happy and now on the look out for other ideas that i can do. Find an idea, find who wants it and then give it to them, which is once again what you tell us time and time again. So i hope this email of success pleases you, and I would love to hear other listeners stories to inspire me again Thank so much Rocky BeltonMiddlesex

In todays episode of Join Up Dots we get deep and personal after recieving an email from a listener of the show. She wanted to go behind the scenes and ask questions about the leap, and what happens afterwards. Hi David, thank you for creating such an informative podcast. I listen to it everyday and gain something from it each and every-time. I thought it would be a fun and interesting episode if you could share the differences between your life before Join Up Dots and now. I think many of us get trapped in seeing a big picture that is too hard for us to comprehend how to get there, but of course everything comes together when you join up the dots :) So here are some questions that i certainly would like to know the answer to to get an insight into your life. What were you doing at the moment you took the leap into entrepreneurship? How much did you earn then, compared to now? How do you earn your money for bills and invoices? Has it been harder to achieve your success than expected? What was your morning like compared to now? How many hours did you work compared to now? What is a usual day for you running Join Up Dots? Do you get fed up or annoyed with anything in your businesses, especially Join Up Dots? Why do hold firm against getting a cell phone? What are the things that you miss if any about working for someone else? How many days off can you have per year compared to before? What if any are your family commitments? What have been the mistakes that you wish you hadnt made? I would love to hear an episode based around these questions, as no matter how hard you try its obvious that we get a weighted side to the lifestyle and business that you have. Love and light Gemma

272 Ask David, with Special Guest, Dr. Matthew May: Shoulds, Free Treatment, Blame, and More! Here are the questions for today's Ask David, featuring special guest, Dr. Matt May, and, of course, Dr. Rhonda Barovsky! How can I turn off my Shoulds!? Is there a downside to treating people for free? What's the difference between Feeling Great vs Feeling Good? Isn't it important to blame the other person when that person really IS to blame?  How can I turn off my Shoulds!? Nice podcast! (Maurice is referring to Part 2 of “I want to be a mother.”) It's refreshing to see that we sometimes mix our needs with wants. I also have a huge problem with regret and shame, saying to myself “I should be far more ahead in life.” “I should have dated more.” “I should have used my energy to create art and being productive.” I pinpointed the moment in my daily mood log, and it occurs usually when I compare myself with people online or with people in my friend group who seem to be far more ahead in life than me in terms of career and achievements or that they used their energy of their younger years more constructive than me because they didn't deal with depression. I tried the semantic method to soften my thoughts regarding my should statements but telling myself “I wish I did xyz,” is carrying the same weight of regret as when I “should” myself. These thoughts also seem very realistic to me and pinpointing the distortions in them is not helping me much because there is so much resistance and weight to the thought, plus the positive thought that I subsequently come up with does not crush the negative thought. I often ask myself: ”Am I really a failure?” Maurice David's Reply Thanks, Maurice You are struggling with resistance, which is the cause of virtually all therapeutic failure. You can use Search on my website to look up podcasts on Positive Reframing, Assessment of Resistance, and Paradoxical Agenda Setting. I usually select ten to fifteen or more methods to crush any Negative Thought, but would only use them after the resistance issue has been successfully addressed. For example, we could use “Let's Define Terms,” as one of 15 or 20 potentially helpful techniques. It might go like this: Is “a failure” someone who fails all the time, or someone who fails some of the time. If you say, “some the time,” then we're all “failures,” so we don't need to worry about it. If you say, “all the time,” then no one is a “failure,” so we don't need to worry about it. If that technique is not effective, we'd have tons more to try. You can read one of my books, like Feeling Good or Feeling Great, to learn more about the Assessment of Resistance and the use of various techniques to crush distorted thoughts. Might also use this on an Ask David. Can use a fake first name, too, if you like. Please advise. david   Is there a downside to treating people for free? Dear David and Rhonda, I live in England, and I'm close friends with a team CBT therapist in Bristol (Andy Perrson), and I've been listening to your podcasts for the last year. I have found them to be stimulating, thought-provoking, often really humorous but above all enormously helpful in helping me journey with other people. I have just embarked on counselling training and would love to steer myself down the same avenues as my friend Andy. I'd also like to use your methodology at a later date. In the meantime, I have a question for you. I am conscious that almost all of your work now is done on a free, pro bono basis. I think that would be my preference as well especially as I have managed to cover the economics of life from other things and it would remove any feeling of conflict, or ambiguity around my motivations in helping people. But, I am also aware that there are so many advantages in there being a financial commitment from clients. Sadly, things that are free and that spring from generosity are not always valued by the recipient, things like commitment and timekeeping become relaxed. It can be awfully irritating for the therapist (a bit like making someone a cup of tea and them not drinking it), and probably a waste of time for the client. A bit like the example you often give around the outcomes for clients who don't do homework. I would be very interested in your view on this and on balance whether it is better to charge or not charge for treatment, in the scenario where a therapist does not have a desire to charge. David comment: I think the word “therapist” in the line above was supposed to be “patient.” I hope that makes sense. Thank you again to you and Rhonda for all your hard work. Kind regards Brad Askew (Bristol, England) David's Reply We can reply live on the podcast. The thrust might be that you can make patients accountable even if you treat them for free.   What's the difference between Feeling Great vs Feeling Good? Dear Dr Burns, First of all, thanks for the great work that you do and also all the podcasts you did, I am planning to order a copy of Feeling Great, your latest book. I have a quick question below. I have been searching the answer on the web but still can't find the answer. Does Feeling Great cover ALL the key concepts that were discussed in your previous book, Feeling Good? Or does one need to read BOTH books to get a fuller picture? I already own a copy of Feeling Good. However, if Feeling Great already covers all the concepts discussed in Feeling Good and also comes with updates, i may just order Feeling Great and start with that instead. Thanks. Best, Calvin David's Reply It really depends on the intensity of your interest. There is some overlap, but also significant differences. Even though Feeling Great is way newer, there are still tons of gems in Feeling Good. David   Isn't it important to blame the other person when that person really IS to blame? Hi David, I've been listening to the show for awhile. Thank you for everything you do. I just listened to episode 254, and I'm not quite sure what to think about it in the context of my situation. I think it makes sense that people are afraid to look at their own faults and what brings them to a relationship and what they contribute to a situation. And that they tend to want to blame the other person to avoid working on themselves. But what about situations of more extreme abuse? How do you not blame the other person? I recently got out of a relationship where I was raped. While in the relationship, there was a lot of coercive sex where he ignored my signals to stop and then afterwards told me that things happened because I had wanted them to. Eventually his behavior escalated to the point where he drugged and raped me while I was unconscious. It's only been 2 months since I figured out that the relationship was too unhealthy for me and left it. I've been in counseling 2-3 sessions per week since then. So at least I am working on myself. And I have no contact with him. Does that mean there is not a point in using the 5 secrets? Is that only for use on other people? But the things you said about blame rang true to me. I think I avoided working on my own issues for a long time, but this situation was like a giant neon arrow saying “work here!” I think I blame myself and him both. But I also worry about blaming myself too much—I think me blaming myself is one of the reasons I felt trapped and unable to leave the relationship in the first place. Because I felt at fault and ashamed of that, I didn't tell anyone for a long time and that normalized his behavior and allowed the relationship to continue and escalate to its extreme. By not placing enough blame on him, I also didn't consider that he might be acting selfishly, lying, or not have my best interests at heart. Which also led to the relationship continuing longer. So I am wary about where and how to place blame. Anyway, I don't know what else to say about this except that it has all been very emotionally difficult and I never want it to happen again, so I am diligently working on myself and looking for help in all the places. Thanks, Rachel David's Reply The thrust of the response could focus on the idea that Self-Blame and Other-Blame are both dysfunctional. I prefer the concept of accountability, and talk about this in Feeling Good Together, which might be helpful. I think Rachel is doing well to get help for herself and her own tendencies toward Self-Blame, and think that a lot of practice with the Five Secrets could also be tremendously helpful, especially for future relationships. David Rhonda, Matt, and David

What does it take to get the help you need to change your life and create your own successful business? Well it simply takes you asking a question and you can do that easily by sending us an email on So let's move onto todays four question posed by listeners of the show and of course you can hear the answers directly on the show Dear David, question for you. How do you know what you are doing is going to be the right thing to do? Listening to your shows it seems the biggest thing to decide is to start, following in what to do? I would love to know your answer to this problem SL, Florida. Hi David, loving the show, I have created a successful pizza business in my town over the last four years. Now i am getting bored with it. Should I sell, or just suck it up? MM, Essex Hi David you sexy individual, i just thought i would ask you a question in a different way, but you talk about self development alot, but what have you learnt in the last day that you think is "Wow"!  - love the show, HZ, Nicaragua  Hi David, do you think that the dream of what you want to become is better than the reality? I am always starting things and get stuck in the drudgery, non sexy times and think "Ill do something else instead". Should i just persevere   HT, Brighton

266: Ask Matt, Rhonda, and David: Can we solve the pain in the world? How can we deal with someone who might weaponize our vulnerability? What can I do about my emotional eating? And more! Today's podcast features awesome questions from viewers like you, with answers from Rhonda, David, and our brilliant guest expert, Dr. Matthew May. Here's the list of questions, followed by partial answers (prepared prior to the podcast) from David. Ezgi Asks: Is there any way to solve pain in the world? Some people are committing suicide because they don't wanna suffer anymore. Is there any way to "finish" the suffering while we are still living in this world? Megan asks: Hi David, I was wondering what your thoughts are about using the five secrets when in communication with someone who may not be coming from a place of love or respect, or someone who might weaponize your vulnerability, such as someone with narcissistic tendencies? Telia asks: Could you please do another episode on compulsive emotional eating? I have suffered with this my whole life. Daniele asks: What “upsetting event” should I put at the top of my Daily Mood Log? Does it have to be the event that triggered your depression? Anca asks: Should I work on a different upsetting event every day and do a Daily Mood Log? What about the days when I don't have any distorted negative thoughts? Oliver asks: Dear Dr. Burns, How much time do you require your patients to spend on their daily psychotherapy homework (Daily Mood Journal)?  What is overkill when doing Positive Reframing? Sarah asks: Hi Doctor Burns! Your podcasts have been so helpful! I want to know what you would have said to the husband, in this episode, if he were the one that came to you, first, about the marriage.(By way of explanation, Sarah is referring to an episode on the Five Secrets where the wife was blaming her husband for saying, “You never listen” for 25 years, and was shocked to discover that she was causing the very problem she was complaining about.) * * * Ezgi Asks: Is there any way to solve pain in the world? Some people are committing suicide because they don't wanna suffer anymore. Is there any way to "finish" the suffering while we are still living in this world? Thanks, Ezgi, I will read and answer this on an upcoming Ask David. I have committed my life to helping people who ask for help with depression, anxiety, and other problems. I do not evangelize or reach out, trying to convert people to some new way of thinking and feeling. Also, I only work with people one to one, (or in groups), and I think healing must begin with yourself. There are tons of free resources on my website, plus my books, like Feeling Good, and others, can be invaluable, including on the topic of suicide. You can get used copies inexpensively on Amazon, too! All the best, david * * * After Hearing Podcast 14 on the Five Secrets Megan asks: Hi David, I was wondering what your thoughts are about using the five secrets when in communication with someone who may not be coming from a place of love or respect, or someone who might weaponize your vulnerability, such as someone with narcissistic tendencies? Thank you, I appreciate you and all you do to make the world a kinder and gentler place. David's Response Hi Megan, Please provide a specific example. What did the other person say, and what, exactly, did you say next. One exchange is enough. Then we can do something amazing, and not just BS on an abstract level that will be useless. You see yourself, based on your note, as the sweet innocent victim of the other person's "badness." Once we have a specific example of an interaction that did not go well, and you focus on your own role, things will suddenly fall into a shockingly different perspective. david Will include this in an Ask David. * * * Telia asks: Hi David, Thank you so much for your free information and podcast #155 on emotional eating. Could you please do another episode on compulsive emotional eating? I have suffered with this my whole life. I listened to episode 155 but I need more help like actual questions to ask myself or tools to use in the moment. I have suffered with this my entire life, and I know with your help I can be free from it. Thank you Telia from Australia David's Response Hi Telia, Check out the free chapter(s) offer on bottom of my website home page. Full instructions are right there. Feel free to contact me if any questions after following the guidelines there, and doing the exercises on paper. d * * * Daniele asks: What “upsetting event” should I put at the top of my Daily Mood Log? Does it have to be the event that triggered your depression? Hello Dr. Burns, i am reading your second book, Feeling Great. The first one, the new mood couldn't help me or i couldn't get it done right. And now i am trying Feeling Great. I like the book and your thoughts. I have struggled with anxiety and depression since 2014 - on and off. Lately more on.... My biggest problem with the exercise is that you have to put an event that make you depressed. I don't know exactly why it started and i so it's difficult to find an event. What can I do? I feel depressed and don't know why. These days the fact that i couldn't get rid of the depression for so long is the main reason why i am depressed. Thanks for your help, Daniele from Italy David's Response Hi Daniele, You just have to focus on one specific moment when you were upset and want help. It can even be the moment when you are working with the Daily Mood Log. d Thank you, Dr. Burns! Daniele * * * Anca asks: Do I have to complete a Daily Mood Log every day? Hello Dr Burns, Thank you so much for the podcast and all the wonderful resources you are gifting to the world! I've been listening for the last 3 months, and I can say that your discussions with your colleagues and patients have improved my mindset and my perspective on life. They helped me to identify feelings of self-blame and other-blame that I didn't even know I had. I also didn't realize how toxic they were. I've bought the Feeling Great Book and completed 2 Daily Mood Journals. I am still in the beginning and try to improve my skills for challenging the negative thoughts. I am just wondering if I am approaching this correctly - sorry if I missed this from the book - Do I need to complete the Daily Mood Log every day? I am asking this because on the days I do feel down and do have a negative event and thoughts, it takes me a lot of time to complete the log, around 2 hours. On other days I feel ok, and don't have upsetting distorted thoughts. Should I record one negative event every day, with all the negative emotions and thoughts that come with it, or work on the same upsetting event every day, taking on one or 2 thoughts at a time? Thank you for your support and your generosity. With Gratitude, Anca David's Response Hi Anca, Will make this an Ask David. The short question is that you can work on the DML a little bit every day. I would aim for 15 to 20 minutes a day, like meditation. On some days, you will want to put in more time, which is fine, but you get 100% credit after 15 – 20 minutes. You can work on a DML over several days. This is just one idea, and ultimately you are in charge! Congrats on the fantastic work you are doing! david David * * * Oliver asks: Dear Dr. Burns, How much time do you require your patients to spend on their daily psychotherapy homework (Daily Mood Journal)?  And how much time did they actually spend on a mood journal? From my experience, I seldom complete them in 2 hours, the time you set up for one session. A daily mood journal with 5 negative thoughts would often cost me 4 to 6 hours. I am wondering how much time your patients usually spend on one daily mood journal? Besides, when I was filling out one daily mood log, more upsetting events would float in my head. To avoid being distracted, I recorded the second upsetting event on another Daily Mood Journal. But I found I never had the chance to work on it because I seldom completed the first event. I am now unemployed, so I have enough time to work on an upsetting event, even if it cost me far more than 2 hours. However, I doubt if full-time employed people have enough time to do this homework, without sacrificing the time to be spent on families, sleeping, sports, and other activities. That is somewhat upsetting. Do you require your patients to finish a Daily Mood Journal in one day? I believe the guidance on this topic is not only important for me, but also for all of your readers and patients. And another question that confuses me is that what is overkill when doing Positive Reframing? And when to decide it will be overkill or not? Thanks. Oliver Smith David's Response Thanks, Oliver. You can do a DML over several days, no need to complete it all at once. 15 to 30 minutes per day would be excellent. ON Positive Reframing, I wait until we “get a feel for it,” and we generally have listed a dozen or even 20 or so positives. I have an app I'm working on that will help with these questions. Will read your question on an Ask David, perhaps. Thanks! * * * Sarah asks: Hi Doctor Burns! Your podcasts have been so helpful! I want to know what you would have said to the husband, in this episode, if he were the one that came to you, first, about the marriage. If we all cause the very relationship problems that we are complaining about, what is it that the husband is doing to cause Sarah not to listen to him and explode in anger? I see that Sarah is not able to listen and empathize, however, It seems like the husband is able to listen and empathize. What would his next step be? Thanks! Sara David's Response Thanks, Sara. This is an interesting but abstract question, and I never find that answering them is productive, as 100% of the learning is in the specific example. If he were asking for help, I would ask him to write down one thing that his wife said, as well as what, exactly, he said next, thinking of an exchange that didn't go well, and an example he wanted help with. Then we'd use the EAR technique to analyze his communication errors and show how he's causing the exact problem he's complaining about, followed by a revised response using the Five Secrets. You could do that for yourself, and we'll see what YOU might be able to learn! For example, what is something someone said to you, and what, exactly did you say next? Or, you could make up an example for me to comment on. * * * That's it for today! Rhonda, Matt, and David

Hi David, i cant imagine how many emails you get from listeners so would be amazed if you get to see this one. But actually i guess it doesn't matter if you see it or not, in a way my writing it is a moment that could change my situation. I am struggling at the moment. I'm not sure how long I have been struggling as my life has always been ups and downs. But it certainly feels that the downs last longer, whilst the Ups are few. I dont know what I am doing with my life. Since i finished university the plans that I thought were mine in the making haven't come true. I have tried to make them happen to the best of my ability, but often looking back if an opportunity did come along I was in one of the dips and didnt make the most of it. Now i am temping in an office job that has nothing to do with me. Its a job. I earn money by doing meaningless tasks. Then come home to my little apartment to kill the hours before I go to bed and then start again. My friends are becoming less and less, which isnt a surprise as most of them think i will say no if they ask me to do anything. Which basically is true. I dont have the energy to be happy. There I think I said it...i dont think I have the energy to be happy, its too tiring and at the least seems fake to me. I see people walking around in couples, laughing and drinking in bars and it all seems so natural and effortless.  You my man have your shit together. I can tell that. The way you talk and deliver the content to us is always on point and focused. You are in the game, and I wish i could be more like you. In fact I wish i could be more like anyone except me as I dont have a fucking clue how to be me anymore. I am lost, floating out to sea and not sure of anything. Im the king of double guessing so dont actually do anything at all. Im not sure what I am expecting to get from this email, and I hoped that it would make me feel better in a cathartic way. I guess I have failed as I just seem more like a depressed loser. Stay the course David as we need you in the world. You dont know how your positivity makes a difference to people like me.

In todays to podcast episode we answer several questions from listeners across the world. And of course we have also gained lovely comments from listeners who have been inspired by our shows. Dear David, i listened to your show the other day and a light bulb went on in my head. I am getting what I have allowed to happen to me. I am in the job because i went for the job. I decide who I am going to share my life and body with. Its all down to me. Scary times ahead but thank you. I should have seen this myself as its bloody obvious. Hi David great show as always. Today I went in and said to my Boss, tell me what I need to do to get a promotion. She almost cried, you could see it in her face. She then told me that she has been desperate for me to become proactive and make things happen. The next thing is to move out and get my own place. Hi David, I want to better at being a better person. What can you suggest? David, if i wanted to earn more money should i ask for a payrise or simply get another job somewhere. I am excited about the future as It my future to make

Intense Performance / Public Speaking Anxiety, Part 2 of 2 Last week we presented the first half of the session with Michelle Wharton at the Live Therapy workshop on May 16, 2021. Michelle had been struggling with years of intense public speaking anxiety, especially in professional settings. So far, we've commented on the T = Testing and E = Empathy portions of the session. Today, we present the exciting and inspiring conclusion of that session. A = Assessment of Resistance At the end of the moving and tearful empathy phase, we asked Michelle about her goals for the session, which included Not to have to feel this terror at full volume. Not to be stopped from volunteering for things that require public speaking and teaching, and to be able to feel some excitement in my career! After Michelle said she would be willing to press the Magic Button to achieve all these goals instantly, with no effort, we suggested a round of Positive Reframing so we could see what might be lost of she suddenly achieved all these goals. You can click here  to review the Positive Reframing that we did together, as well as Michelle's Emotions table at the end of the Positive Reframing. You can see her goals for each emotion when we used the Magic Dial. The idea is to dial each feeling down to a lower level that would reduce your suffering, while still allowing you to preserve all the awesome things about you! The Positive Reframing is one of the unique aspects of TEAM-CBT. Although we are encouraging the patient to keep the symptoms, the Positive Reframing typically eliminates or drastically reduces the patient's resistance to change, and opens the door to the possibility of rapid recovery. This will be true even if the patient has been struggling with a problem unsuccessfully for years or even decades, as was the case with Michelle. M = Methods We asked Michelle what Negative Thought she wanted to work on first, and she chose #5: “People will think you are selfish and self-preoccupied.” She believed this thought 100%. First, we asked Michelle to identify and explain the cognitive distortions in this thought. As you can see on her Daily Mood Log (LINK), she found all ten distortions. Of course, the most prominent distortion in this thought is Mind-Reading. That's because Michelle thinks she knows how other people will be thinking and feeling about her when they find out about her intense public speaking anxiety. This distortion is nearly always present in any form of social anxiety. I know this from my clinical work and personal experience, since I have personally suffered from at least five forms of social anxiety, including extremely public speaking anxiety, when I was young. You feel absolutely certain that you're flawed and that people will judge you! Then we challenged the Negative Thought, and Michele she was able, with a little help and a couple of role reversal, to crush it. Take a look. (LINK) Here were Michelle's reflections on that portion of the session. First we used the Double Standard and I think that's when I said this to the imaginary friend with the exact same problem: “I think you're being kind of brave.” Then it evolved into Externalization of Voices. Both David and Jill played the negative Michelle and I had a little difficulty talking back to my Negative Self. I connected on a logical level, but didn't yet have the ammunition or determination I need to blow my Negative Thoughts out of the water. David spotted my ambivalence immediately, and suggested that maybe it wasn't something we should work on. Before he made that comment, I didn't even realize that I had mixed feelings about giving up my intensely self-critical thoughts. At that point, I found myself making the decision to fight back and felt myself getting stronger. The next time David (as the Negative Michelle) asked if he could talk to me for a minute I told him he had only 30 seconds to make his point because it was time to back off. I had some hesitation about only using the Counter Attack to defeat the thought but David said he liked the feisty response. Then David and Jill both told me of all the positive feedback that was coming through the chat, and I was given the opportunity to use the Survey Method with a couple of audience members. I think I asked two or three people if they thought I was using up valuable time, since that was one of my painful Negative Thoughts. The both commented that they found the session incredibly helpful and that they could relate to these feelings of anxiety and shame, and that they weren't judging me harshly at all! Here you can see how Michelle challenged thought #9. As you can see, her belief in this thought fell from 100 to 50, and then to 0. Negative Thoughts % Now % After Distortions Positive Thoughts % Belief 5. people will think that you're selfish and self-preoccupied. 100 50 0 AON OG MF DP MAG/MIN ER LABE SS SB In fact, I'm being kind of brave!! 100         My anxiety is very real, and it's good to ask for help. 100         My fear of public speaking is a common and exceptionally worthy problem! 100 You can see Michelle's Emotions table at the end of the session, after she had crushed all of her Negative Thoughts. Emotions % Now % Goal % After Emotions % Now % Goal % After Down 40 5-10 5 Embarrassed, foolish, self-conscious 100 5 0 Anxious, panicky 100 20-30 0 Discouraged 70 0 0 Inferior, inadequate, incompetent 90 25 5 Frustrated, stuck 80 10 0 Lonely 80 0 0 Angry, mad, resentful, annoyed, irritated, upset, furious 60 0 0 After the workshop, Michelle sent us this email. HI David and Jill, I was going to write to you and tell that I would probably be happy to go ahead with the podcast but that I wanted to do a DML on some concerns about judgements as well as concerns about crossing of professional boundaries (worrying that I'm ‘oversharing' with clients). Then, I just so happened to have supervision scheduled with Robyn Blake-Mortimer (another Level 4 therapist in Adelaide - I think she was Robyn Fowler when working in New York) this morning and she suggested we do some TEAM personal work on it. It was incredibly helpful and I've decided that I'd be happy for you to share the podcast, if Jill and Maor give permission. Robyn helped me to see that there was probably (intentional distortion!) a large impact on my life from the fact that my family survived Cycle Tracy (Christmas 1974) despite our house being 99% destroyed. Our lives were hugely affected and I (now) see a strong connection between this and the bed wetting. Which is not to say it changes the ‘ok-ness' of the issue, rather that it helped me to see the amount of cognitive distortions that were in my worries about broadcasting the podcast (that ‘my problems should all be fixed by now'). Another liberating moment for me, thanks again to TEAM. Here's what was left of our house after the Cyclone - just the bathroom where we were. Thank you again. M. This was my response to Michelle: Wow, Michelle, that's fantastic, kudos, I really like the way you've caught the pass and you're running for a touchdown, like a speedy wide receiver (if you follow football.) I really like all of your thinking and plans! Also, something both of you might want to consider is if we might consider turning each session into two consecutive podcasts. People love and are helped the most by live work podcasts. This is not required, and is just a thought. So proud of both of you! Warmly, david Michelle's scores on all the scales on the Brief Mood Survey at the end of the session were zero, and her scores on the Happiness Test soared to 100%. Her ratings of Jill and David on the Empathy and Helpfulness tests were perfect as you can see at this link. Here's what she wrote on the question on “what did you like the least about your session?” "Absolutely nothing!! This was such a gift and I feel so fortunate and incredibly grateful." Here's what she wrote on the question on “what did you like the best about your session?” "Addressing the ambivalence, the Positive Reframing, the warmth from you both, and how it helped me to soften into and accept these feelings." On the audio, you will also hear the amazing follow-up interview we had with Michelle many weeks after this session. Thanks for listening. I hope you learned a ton and were moved emotionally and inspired. Write and let us know what you think! And thanks, too, to Michelle for giving all of us a gift that's worth far more than gold! Rhonda, Jill, Michelle, and David

#250: How to Tell Someone, “You Suck!” Featuring special guests, Dr. Matthew May and the always exciting but pedantic Dr. Rutherford Knows, plus our podcast regulars, Rhonda and David Rhonda begins the podcast with a wonderful email from a woman who asked how you might use the Five Secrets of Effective Communication when you have to deliver give negative feedback to someone. Hi David and Rhonda, I'm an avid listener of the podcast and reader of Dr. Burns' material. I've been working my way backwards listening to all the podcasts, and I now own all of Dr. Burns' books and am working my way through those, too! I've especially found the live therapy on the podcast and role-play using the Five Secrets incredibly useful. The Five Secrets of Effective Communication are like a cheat code for life. As I've been applying it in my own life, every conflict has had a phenomenal outcome and I end up closer with the other person. It's incredible. You've given many useful examples of using the Five Secrets on the podcast to respond to someone, for example, who is attacking you and you use the disarming technique and inquiry to hear more about how it's been for them. My question is, how would you use the Five Secrets to initiate a conversation where you have to be the one to bring up something that the other person doesn't want to hear, or that it may be painful for them to hear? I started to think about this when consulting for a CEO who needed to fire someone, but needed to keep the relationship amicable, as well as consulting with another business owner whose employee had been deceitful and she needed to have a "come-to-Jesus" talk with him. Similarly, I've always struggled to bring up something that's bothering me to a spouse or loved one, because I didn't know how to initiate the conversation, and keep it from devolving into an argument (my greatest fear!). Could you perhaps do a role play on the podcast to demonstrate using the Five Secrets of Effective Communication to initiate a difficult conversation, such as: Firing or correcting an employee? Telling a spouse (or loved one) when you've felt hurt or angry because of something they did? Obviously you would still use all the same techniques (Stroking, I Feel statements, Inquiry, etc.), but I would love to hear an example. I find the role plays especially useful and would love to hear your expert wording for how you would approach this. Thank you to both of you for all your tremendous work! Rosemary We loved this request, and model how to deliver the bad news to someone using the Five Secrets. David mentioned that when he was in clinical practice, several women he treated were reluctant to give clear negative signals to men who were chasing them, for fear of hurting their feelings. So, out of excessive “niceness,” they ended up leading the man on, sometimes for months, and hurting him even more. It is probably far more merciful and caring to be honest with someone in a kindly way, so he or she can let go and move forward with his or her life. Rhonda, Matt, and David illustrate David's “Intimacy Drill.” In this exercise, the person delivering the bad news is Person A, and the person receiving the bad news is Person B. The drill involves four steps. First, Person A delivers the bad news to Person B, trying to use the Five Secrets of Effective Communication (link). The bad news might be telling Person B that she or he has been fired, or that you're angry with Person B, for example. Then Person A gives himself or herself a letter grade on how well she or he did. Was it an A,  B,  C,  D, or an F? Then Person B and the observers give a letter grades to Person A as well.. Next, everyone points out what Person A did that was effective, and what was ineffective, using Five Secrets terms. For example, you might say that the Feeling Empathy and Stroking were great, but there was no “I Feel” Statement or Inquiry at the end. Then you can do a role-reversal, and try to model an improved response. This is, by far, the best way to learn the Five Secrets of Effective Communication. However, it requires non-defensiveness on the part of all who participate, and the philosophy of “joyous failure.” This means that you view your errors as opportunities for learning and growth instead of shame and defensiveness! If you want to master the Five Secrets for use in ANY situation, the “Intimacy Exercise” is a fantastic way to practice. However, remember to check your ego at the door, because you'll probably gets some low grades and make plenty of errors, especially if you're a beginner. But if you work at it, and keep practicing—which very few people do—you can develop some fantastic communication skills that can help you in personal and professional relationships. Today, we also introduced, in a small way, the very shy and erudite, and somewhat pompous, Dr. Rutherford Knows, who makes an occasional comment. He may agree to participate in future podcasts as well. Dr. Knows could be a really great podcast enhancement, since he (hopefully) makes the rest of us look really good! Let us know what you think! Rhonda and I are really pleased to work with Dr. May again. He is a dear friend and colleague, and, according to David and Rhonda, Matt is one of the finest therapists and teachers on planet earth! I strongly agree with this assessment of Dr. May. If you wish to contact him, you can reach him at: www.MatthewMayMD.com. Matt added that people interested in treatment can schedule a free 15-minute phone call there, my schedule permitting. Thanks! Rhonda and David Rhonda, Matt, and David (with Dr. Rutherford Knows)

Podcast 248 Ask David and Rhonda! In today's podcast, Rhonda and David answer some fascinating questions submitted by listeners like you! We both thank you for your interest in our show, and for your kind comments and terrific questions! The Questions Kati asks: I notice that in your therapy sessions, the negative feelings of most of your patients are reduced all the way to 0%, and many become euphoric. I was wondering whether this somewhat contradicts the idea that our negative feelings are useful to us in some way? Kati also asks: Do you believe that empathy can be ‘taught'? Yiftah asks: How could one dangle the carrot effectively and responsibly when offering a cognitive exposure exercise? Yiftah also asks: From your experience can you give examples of cases in which cognitive exposure may not be as safe or as effective? Esther asks: You say there is no convincing or consistent evidence to support most psychodynamic claims about the causes of things. What you said resonates, but aren't you also just making claims? I have a psychodynamic supervisor, and am struggling to choose between empirically validated treatments and traditional psychodynamic approaches. Sean asks: Burns, what can you do when you are using the disarming technique and the person keeps interrupting you? Ben asks: Since exercise improves the mood of some people who are feeling down, doesn't this prove that physiologic changes can improve mood, as opposed to changing negative thoughts? The Answers  Note: The answers below were based on David's email exchanges with the people who asked the questions and were created before today's podcast. Therefore, the podcast may contain new and different information from these show notes. Hopefully, both the show and the notes will be helpful to you. Rhonda and David   Kati asks I notice that in your live therapy sessions, the negative feelings of most of your patients are reduced all the way to 0%, and many become euphoric. I was wondering whether this somewhat contradicts the idea that our negative feelings are useful to us in some way. David responds Hi Kati, thank you for the kind comments! It is great to get negative feelings to zero and experience enlightenment and joy. However, no one can be happy all the time, so you will have plenty of opportunities to "learn" from negative feelings again. In addition, there is a difference between healthy and unhealthy negative feelings. Healthy sadness is not the same as clinical depression, healthy fear is not the same as a phobia or panic attack, healthy and unhealthy anger are quite different, and so forth. There will bumps in the road of life for all of us at times. * * * Kati also asks Do you believe empathy can be “taught?” As a mum (of a 15 and a 10 year old girls) and a (HS) teacher I notice some people seem to have it more ‘innately' than others but would also love to think it is an aspect that can be intentionally developed in others in some way. If you think like me, I would love to hear your thoughts on how that could be done (i.e. what practices or strategies would be most helpful to use with young people in particular). I am still in awe that we can have a sort of conversation with such a brilliant and creative mind and I humbly hope you can address these two questions either in one of your podcasts or by responding to this message. In admiration, Kati David responds Thanks again, Kati, With regard to empathy, it is something that can be learned, but it takes commitment and practice. A good first step is the book I wrote on this topic called Feeling Good together. In addition, there is, as you say, an "aptitude" that people have for this or any skill, with a tremendous variability in the population. But regardless of your natural aptitude or lack of it, you can learn and grow tremendously. I started out with very poor listening skills. You can also search for Five Secrets of Effective Communication on the website, using the search function, and you'll find lots of podcasts teaching these skills. david * * * Yiftah asks How could one dangle the carrot effectively and responsibly when offering a cognitive exposure exercise? Dear Dr. Burns, I love your podcast and books. They have completely changed my practice and had helped my personally. In particular it was great to hear you working with Dr. Levitt with cognitive exposure, and your discussion about it. I have two questions regarding cognitive exposure with PTSD (for the podcast. First, how could one dangle the carrot effectively and responsibly when offering a cognitive exposure exercise? David responds Hi Yiftah, I try to deal with the Outcome and Process Resistance issues prior to agreeing to help any patient with anxiety. I might say something like this: “Jim, I'd really love to help you with your fears of X (whatever it is), and I'm pretty convinced that if we work together, you can make some great progress in overcoming your fears. I have more than 30 great tools to help you overcome anxiety, and you're probably going to love all of them except for one, exposure. Confronting your fears is just one tool among many, but is a vitally important part of the process, and cure is usually impossible without exposure. “For example, I may ask you to do is (I explain the type of exposure we might use.) I know that will be terrifying, and it needs to be terrifying to be effective. I'll be with you every step of the way, of course. But I need to know if you'd be willing to do that type of thing if I agree to work with you. “I know you've told me that you've had many therapists in the past who did not use exposure, and that might be why their treatments were not as effective as you'd hoped. And if you absolutely don't want to use exposure, I would totally understand and support you, but sadly could not agree to treat your fear of X.” * * * Yiftah also asks From your experience can you give examples of cases in which cognitive exposure may not be as safe or as effective? You have a lot of experience with successful exposure treatments, but I had never worked with PTSD. And I hear some "PTSD experts" say that cognitive exposure is a dangerous process that can backfire. And according to papers I've read it doesn't always help. In other words, assuming that one had worked correctly with the Empathy and Assessment of resistance phases: how safe and how effective is prolonged cognitive exposure with severe PTSD? From your experience can you give examples of cases in which cognitive exposure may not be as safe or as effective? I mean are there some conditions or distorted thoughts that categorically need to be dealt with successfully before going for exposure? For example, would there be any special considerations when working with patients with thoughts connected to shame, self-blame and hopelessness, as well as habits and addictions, or relationship issues? Thank you Yiftah David responds Thanks again! Let's assume that you are treating a veteran who is paranoid and living alone in the woods, who tells you that he is afraid of “losing it” and blowing people away with his automatic rifle. I would not want to have him fantasize blowing people away in order to overcome his fear, especially if he is prone to violence and has poor impulse control, and is psychotic. This could conceivably trigger him to do something violent, and I'd have a hard time explain my therapy methods to the police after he kills many people in the local mall. At the same time, the vast majority of anxious people who are afraid of doing something horrible or violent have OCD, and are totally safe. So, it takes judgment. Powerful techniques require therapists with exceptional skills, training, and thoughtfulness. It ALWAYS pays to be thoughtful and cautious! And this has nothing to do with cognitive exposure per se, but all of the > 100 techniques that I use. They can all hurt, including empathy, if not done skillfully, and with compassion. Backfiring occurs when therapists don't do or know how to prepare the patient for the methods you plan to use. Anytime you “throw” techniques at patients, you are asking for trouble. Remember, TEAM is a systematic, step-by-step package that is done as a sequence. Your patient has to give you an “A” on empathy before you can even go on to the Assessment of Resistance. My experience has shown me that most therapists, including the so-called experts, do not know how to get an A grade on empathy, and may not have outstanding empathy skills. Trust is so important in the treatment of anxiety, and always has to come first. Before using any M = Methods, you will need to address the patient's Outcome and Process Resistance, and get some agreement on what you plan to do and how you plan to do it. Should we not use a technique because it doesn't always work? All techniques often fail. TEAM is based on “failing as fast as you can!” If you can't use a technique that sometimes fails, then you can't use ANY technique! Also, I never treat anxiety with one technique. I use a great many techniques drawn from four very different treatment models: the Cognitive Model the Motivational Model the Exposure Model the Hidden Emotion Model I sometimes get tired / annoyed with so-called experts who love to spout off, saying things that to my ear sound like half-truths. But then again, I do the exact same thing! At any rate, neither Jill nor I have ever had a bad outcome with any form of exposure, but we are both pretty careful, and try hard to be compassionate and to prepare the patient. You have to be thoughtful and careful. For example, Shame Attacking Exercises can be life changing, but they require half a brain on the part of the therapist. For example, I wouldn't throw someone with poor interpersonal skills into a potentially awkward or hurtful Shame Attacking Exercise. All powerful techniques have the potential to heal or harm. The same scalpel that a surgeon uses to save a life can also be used by a murderer to slit someone's throat. d * * * Esther asks You say there is no convincing or consistent evidence to support most psychodynamic claims about the causes of things. What you said resonates, but aren't you also just making claims? I have a psychodynamic supervisor, and am struggling to choose between empirically validated treatments and traditional psychodynamic approaches. Hi David, I absolutely love your stuff! I've used some parts of feeling good in my practice as a therapist and in my personal life for some time, but I've recently gotten much more into your teachings and I've been thinking a lot about TEAM-CBT. And thank you for providing all these free resources for the public! In episode 230 (about 22 minutes in) Rhonda asked you about a common psychodynamic type of claim- “a child of alcoholics either become an alcoholic, marries an alcoholic or becomes a therapist of an alcoholic.” You responded by saying “people love those kinds of theories because people want to think they know the causes of things.” Then you went on to disagree, claiming that there isn't much evidence to support these types of claims. At first what you said very much resonated with me, and yet I began to think about it and realized the irony in your response: you had explained people's tendency to come up with such theories with your own cause (“people want to think they know the causes of things”), something which I doubt you've been able to test in a research study (though perhaps I'm wrong!) And yet what you said still resonates with me and highlights the crux of my question: isn't there any value in intuition (without any evidence) in determining the causes of things? For instance, I think your causal explanation here is highly intuitive. (Even though an alternative explanation could have involved something not inherently psychological, like “people err because they think correlation implies causation” or something. This is not just a theoretical question for me. I currently work under a wonderful supervisor who takes a psychodynamic approach to many issues, and I am very suspicious of some his theories, but it seems that he is a great therapist. Further, I think that many people in school and in the early stages of practice (including myself) are conflicted about whether or not they wish to train further in evidence-based approaches or in a psychodynamic type of school. I think this important question is sometimes at the root of the issue. (Although psychodynamic theories are sometimes not at all intuitive.) For a practical example- something I always found intuitive is the role low self-esteem seems to play in people with inflated egos or the role it can play with those who have anger issues (In which the ego or anger serve to “compensate” for the low self-esteem). When I was working with a client who suffered in these two areas, I began by educating him about this notion (which resonated with him) and we began to address his low self-esteem. Later, however, I happened across an article claiming that this intuitive notion is not supported by research. It called into question many of my intuitions when conceptualizing cases and treating my clients. Finally, I just picked up a copy of “Feeling Great” (it's awesome, by the way!) and I noticed you talked about the hidden emotion technique. Once we're on the topic of evidence; do you have any evidence that this particular technique is helpful? Is there research backing such a technique? (I'm particularly suspicious of it given its psychodynamic flavor :) I apologize if you've addressed these questions somewhere already- I've only just begun to avidly read your stuff and listen to your podcast. Thank you so much! Esther David responds Hi Esther, This is an important email and if I can find the time, and may address it in an Ask David. You write: “This is not just a theoretical question for me. I currently work under a wonderful supervisor who takes a psychodynamic approach to many issues, and I am very suspicious of some his theories, but it seems that he is a great therapist.” It's great that he is a great therapist, and it will be fun for you to learn from him. There are two caveats, perhaps. First, therapists' views of changes in the negative feelings of their patients, like depression, are not especially accurate, so his self-report of his effectiveness may not have a lot of credibility. I have measured therapist accuracy in a study at the Stanford Hospital, and found an accuracy of only 3% in detecting changes in depression, even after exhaustive, systematic interviews with patients about how they feel. Second, most therapists have only a placebo effect, although they will strenuously insist it ain't true! And their effectiveness is almost definitely not the result of the specific tools they are using, but other factors. Many outcome studies have been consistent with this type of conclusion. But still, learning from the wisdom of an older therapist can be awesome! With regard to the Hidden Emotion Technique, it IS a kind of modernized psychodynamic technique. I don't think it has been studied, but I no longer keep up with research. I find it exceptionally helpful in myself (I am anxiety prone) and in about 50% or more of anxious patients. And I have found I can engage in really rewarding conversations with psychodynamic therapists when I describe this technique. I enjoy this type of dialogue, challenging our favorite ideas. Have you ever heard of the “confirmation paradox?” My memory is that if theory A predicts observation B, and you see observation B, you may wrongly conclude that theory A is confirmed. For example, the theory that the sun revolves around the earth predicts that the sun will come up in the east in the morning and set in the west in the evening. So, we do see that every day, and we wrongly conclude that we have confirmed our theory that the sun revolves around the earth. Same is true for psychological theories about the causes of depression or whatever. The problem is that your observations also confirm a large number of alternative theories that all would have predicted the same thing. You can disconfirm a causal theory with data based on an experiment or natural observation, but you cannot actually confirm any theory in science. You can only say that your data are consistent with this or that theory, and that you have failed to disprove your theory based on your observations. I tested many theories about the linkages between Self-Defeating Beliefs (SDBs), like Perfectionism, and changes in negative feelings over time in several hundred patients treated at my clinic in Philadelphia. The data was not consistent with causal linkages between SDBs and negative feelings, even though there were strong correlations between them at both time points, and even though changes in SDBs were strongly correlated with changes in SDBs. david PS You might enjoy this psychoanalysis poem by another Esther who is a member of our Tuesday TEAM training group at Stanford. GOODBYE TO ALL THAT: THE JOY OF PRACTICING PSYCHOANALYSIS No more forms, no need for technique No more brain strain week after week, Ditch those methods — fifty, a hundred, A thousand ways I might have blundered.   So long agenda, don't mention homework Just perfect that withering shmirk. Surveys, grades, throw them away You know it's sex, whatever they say.   Gone for good are your twelve distortions, Out with charts and their crazy proportions. Is that a purse I see before me? Nope! It's your mother's vagina. You think that's a joke?   Such progress we are making you must admit Only ten years and we are ready to dip Into that complex where troubles all lie The mom you must marry, the dad who must die.   Two hundred sessions a year and each one two hundred Over ten years $400,000! I sundered… WHAT? I was…er… giving thought to your dream (And the cabbage I missed doing TEAM.)   How can you say you're worse off than before While standing in front of Enlightenment's door? You say you've awakened to find I'm a nitwit, & at last you're done with all of this horseshit!   Goodbye, my patient, there's the door, A pity you are so very sore. But let me say just one thing more — You really are a frightful bore.   — Esther Wanning * * * Sean asks Dr. Burns, what can you do when you are using the disarming technique and the person keeps interrupting you? I've recently been practicing the 5 secrets and I am still learning how to apply the techniques. I listened to many podcasts and I'm reading your books/doing the exercises. I'm a complete believer in your method! Thank you! During the disarming, if the person continues to aggressively interrupt and ask pointed questions, how do I continue to stay engaged in the conversation? I repeat the steps. I agree/try and find the truth, paraphrase the comments, along with practicing feeling/thought empathy. The person continues to interrupt, argue, blame, and ask questions to prove their point. Do I just continue to try the secrets? In the moment it seems like it's impossible, but I stay committed. Thanks Sean David responds Hi Sean, I have often said that these abstract questions have very little value. The devil is in the details, the specific example. If you give me an example of what the other person said, and what, exactly, you said next, I will probably, or almost certainly, be able to show you what your errors were, and how you are forcing the person to keep attacking you. However, this can be painful, to suddenly see how you are causing the exact problem you are complaining about. But also freeing. So, the answer, in short, is that you are probably not using the Five Secrets correctly, but you get lots of credit for your efforts, and some feedback may help you. d PS Sadly, I never got a specific example from Sean. That is too bad, because abstract questions and answers never have much, if any, practical value or impact. All the learning is in the specific example, which becomes a mind-blowing learning experience. But, sometimes people don't seem to “get” this message! * * * Ben asks Since exercise improves the mood of some people who are feeling down, doesn't this prove that? Hello David! I am a frequent listener of your podcast, and am currently going through your new book, "Feeling Great". The importance of treating depression at specific moments in time, addressing self-defeating beliefs, and the death of the "self" are all topics that are of particular interest to me. I have a question for you. You make the claim that depression & anxiety always result from distorted thoughts -- that our thoughts always cause our feelings. If that is the case, what do you make of the research that shows that aerobic exercise can be an effective treatment for them? Doesn't that indicate that there could be a physical basis for some cases of anxiety & depression? I have certainly found exercise to be tremendous help for me in keeping my anxiety at bay -- a vigorous session of exercise just seems to "slow down" my mind or reduce the volume of the voice that's always chattering away in the background for hours afterward. Could people be getting more depressed and anxious because they simply don't move as much or as vigorously as our bodies have evolved to? Thank you for your amazing work and the generosity with which you share it. I've recommended your podcast to many people, and will continue to do so! Take care, Ben David responds Hi Ben, Great question. I like your critical thinking! To test this idea, we would, of course, have to measure the positive and negative thoughts of individuals who are, and individuals who are not, helped by exercise. You cannot just assume something either way. I believe that all change in moods, regardless of the treatment intervention, is mediated by a reduction in the distorted thoughts that trigger the depression. This is a testable hypothesis. Many people tell themselves things like, “Oh, I'm exercising now, this will really help me, I'm keeping up with my commitments to my health,” and so forth. I, for one, have never had a mood elevation from exercise. My daughter finds exercise very helpful. I suspect you will find a sharp reduction in negative thinking in individuals who are helped by exercise. We have to be careful about jumping to conclusions about causality. I have a mild case of sciatica, and a medication like Tylenol makes the pain disappear. Does this mean that sciatica is due to a Tylenol deficiency? I did a study with an N of 1. I asked a severely depressed man to fill out a part of a Daily Mood Log every evening. He recorded the situation, then circled and rated his feelings, and then recorded his negative thoughts and how much he believed them. Then he flipped a coin and either jogged for 45 minutes or worked on challenging his distorted thoughts for 45 minutes. In both cases, after 45 minutes he recorded any reductions in his negative thoughts and feelings. The days when he worked with the DML he experienced pronounced reductions in his belief in his negative thoughts and in his negative feelings. The days he jogged, in contrast, there were no reductions in his negative thoughts or feelings. analysis of the data with structural equation modeling confirmed that the change in his negative feelings was caused by the reduction in his belief in his negative thoughts. Just a small pilot study, and could be done on a larger group. However, the researcher would have to have a sophisticated understanding of how the DML works, and how to elicit distorted thoughts from people who are depressed and anxious. david Ben's reply Wow! I didn't expect such a quick and thorough reply! Thank you, David. Love the Tylenol example. Such a powerful way to demonstrate the hazards of assuming causality, and also show me how easy it is to assume causality without even realizing I am doing so. Your study of the severely depressed man was ingenious as well. It gave me some good food for thought about *why* exercise might be so helpful for me -- that I can't assume that it's because I've manipulated my physiology in some way. It could very well be that I end up feeling good because I have pursued a difficult activity that I value, and thus feel as though I have accomplished something. I can see why someone who *doesn't* rely on accomplishments to feel "worthwhile" or doesn't even think of exercise is an accomplishment might not get the same boost. Indeed, there have almost *certainly* been times that I've exercised and felt WORSE afterward, but I'm mentally filtering those instances out. Like when I've gone for a run even though I was supposed to be getting dinner ready, and then the family is frustrated w/ me and hungry! ;-) I don't really get to bask in the glow of Accomplishment(tm) then! Take care, and thanks again! -Ben David responds again Hi Ben, Thanks. I ‘ve always said the thing about exercise raising brain endorphins was just something someone made up, but people wouldn't listen to me for the most part. I pointed that human brain endorphins cannot be measured, so there cannot be any evidence all for this theory. I recently said an article where they blocked brain endorphin receptors in people who got the runner's high. They still got the runner's high, proving brain endorphins could not possibly be involved! People tend to believe what they want to believe, regardless of the evidence. We see this in politics and in religion in a big way, but it is true in all walks of life. david Rhonda and David

Ask Rhonda, Matt and David! Ask David #243 May 24, 2021 David and Ronda answer your questions about the role of hope, treating court-ordered patients, suicide threats, being a virgin, and moral scrupulosity. Guest expert, Dr. Matthew May, joins us for this fascinating podcast featuring questions from fans like you!  V3A asks: What is the role of hope? EdG asks: How would you deal with a patient who doesn’t like you or doesn’t want to come for treatment, but has been required by either an employer or the courts? Preetika asks: Recently, a client said she felt suicidal and that made me feel suicidal about anything untoward happening on my watch! I was ‘scared stiff!’ Please do a podcast if possible on therapist fears and dilemmas. Dale asks: How would you do Positive Reframing with someone who is suicidal? Miho writes: From church and from my parents, I have been told repeatedly I need to save myself for marriage thus this has been my core belief when I am dating. Although it had never bothered me before, now that I am in my last 20s it seems I have heightened anxiety and misaligned expectations when dating as literally no one around me thinks in this way, and I have been told I do not "look" like I am inexperienced. May I know which would be the best tool for combatting other people's opinions when it really does seem that their opinion is the "truth" of the world? Robyn writes: I would very much like to hear about how you treat patients suffering OCD with moral/religious scrupulosity. * * * V3A asks: What is the role of hope? Hi David, how do you fit the cultivation of hope into TEAM-CBT? Being such an important aspect of recovery, it seems to be most needed in those that most need help, creating a seemingly unwinnable situation for those people. If someone has enough hope to seek treatment, is that enough to make a recovery? * * * EdG asks: Just listened to Podcast 025 on how to relate to a patient you dislike, Very useful! What about the opposite situation? How do you deal with a patient who may have a hidden agenda, like coming to you in order to avoid a legal problem or because s/he was ordered by an employer or the courts? Thanks, EdG. That's sometimes fairly easy, and might make this an Ask David. I once told such a patient that if he wanted to work with me he'd have to have an agenda of something he really wanted to change, and he would also have to do tremendous amounts of psychotherapy homework, and that this was non-negotiable, and that he or she might prefer going to another therapist who would be more of a pushover! In my limited experience, this was very effective, and seemed to motivate the man who came to me. He did, in fact, work tremendously hard! david PS We can get Rhonda's take on it, as she does forensic work. * * * Preetika asks: Recently, a client said she felt suicidal and that made me feel suicidal about how anything untoward happening on my watch! I was ‘scared stiff!’ Please do a podcast if possible on therapist fears and dilemmas. Dear Dr Burns, Thanks for sharing your wonderful podcasts, they are of immense value. I have been using your brief mood surveys and though I found it tiresome initially, I realized its value when I I uncovered suicidal thoughts in a patient that came forth only because of repeating the mood survey each session. Further, do you think a brief behavior survey at the start of a session is beneficial to record sleep, eating, and self harm patterns is needed to assess how clients are doing in between sessions? Does it have value? Recently, a client said she felt suicidal and that made me feel suicidal about how anything untoward happening on my watch! I was ‘scared stiff!’ Please do a podcast if possible on therapist fears and dilemmas. Thanks for so many continuing insights and for making therapy feel real, Preetika Hi Preetika, Perhaps you can search on website using search function and find the podcast on suicide prevention. Then let know what you think. When you use the Brief Mood Survey and Evaluation of Therapy Session, you said it was tiresome at first. What were your scores on the Empathy Scale? Scores below 20 are failing grades. Most of my colleagues, and myself, find this anything but "tiresome," but rather dynamic and fantastically challenging. Also, what percent reduction do you see in patient's depression scores within sessions? This shows your level of skill and effectiveness. 25% to 35% reduction within a session is a fairly good benchmark of sorts. This is called the Recovery Coefficient. Have you looked at that? I find it pretty exciting, and also challenging, especially when the scores don't change, and also when they do1 Thanks for the great question. David * * * Dale asks: How would you do Positive Reframing with someone who is suicidal? Would you suggest that it says that they have a strong self-awareness of the severity of their hopelessness that protects them from more disappointments? Or perhaps a wake-up call message from there awareness of some kind? All the best Dale Hi Dale, Suicide is handled differently, in part due to the legal stipulations that make therapists guilty, and you can use the search function to find and listen to my podcasts on this topic. Thanks! David * * * Miho writes: From church and from my parents, I have been told repeatedly I need to save myself for marriage thus this has been my core belief when I am dating. Although it had never bothered me before, now that I am in my last 20s it seems I have heightened anxiety and misaligned expectations when dating as literally no one around me thinks in this way, and I have been told I do not "look" like I am inexperienced. May I know which would be the best tool for combatting other people's opinions when it really does seem that their opinion is the "truth" of the world? Hello Dr. Burns, First of all, thank you (and Rhonda!) so much for providing us with a great podcast. It has helped me tremendously and it is great to hear both of your voices. Your book "Feeling Great" is amazing as well and I just can't find enough words to express my gratitude for all that you do. I have 2 questions regarding romantic relationships and your opinion would be much appreciated if you have time. (I am a female in my late 20s) 1) I feel that I tend to associate past events to the present, for example when a guy tells me that he is busy with work, even if he is genuinely busy and there is proof, I remember the time my ex-boyfriend made that excuse to actually hide the fact that he was going out clubbing and doing drugs. It is not that I don't trust the person in front of me, but rather the feelings of anxiety from past creeps up on me due to those thoughts and makes me insecure (if that makes sense). I am not sure which tool I should use to get over this kind of thinking, as in the moment when I reframe my thoughts it works, but soon after another example would set me off again. 2) From church and from my parents, I have been told repeatedly I need to save myself for marriage thus this has been my core belief when I am dating. Although it had never bothered me before, now that I am in my last 20s it seems I have heightened anxiety and misaligned expectations when dating as literally no one around me thinks in this way, and I have been told I do not "look" like I am inexperienced. May I know which would be the best tool for combatting other people's opinions when it really does seem that their opinion is the "truth" of the world? Warmest regards, Miho Hi Miho, Thanks. I will add this to the Ask David list. It will take some time, as we have lots of great questions listed at the moment. I resonate, though, as I was raised in a religious family and told not to kiss girls, etc. which was, I think, damaging.. Sex is natural and inevitable, and perhaps best left “undemonized.” At any rate, you would need to decide on your own moral values, and then we could deal with any fears of disapproval from one side or the other. Really love and appreciate your openness. d * * * Robyn writes: I would very much like to hear about how you treat patients suffering from OCD with moral/religious scrupulosity. Dear David and Rhonda: Thank you so much for your calming, effective and often laugh-out-loud funny podcasts, filled with a generosity of wisdom. I deeply appreciate them and recommend them to others also. They have helped shape my view of CBT into something far more empathetic and human. I would very much like to hear about how you prefer to treat patients suffering OCD with moral/religious scrupulosity. I understand that exposure with response prevention is considered the standard treatment, but I don't understand how this works directly with fears about things that are unethical or immoral. For example, a deeply law-abiding person who is afraid of accidentally breaking the law ("was I speeding? I need to check if that was a police camera! what if I was doing something illegal and I didn't realise it?") or a very kind person who goes out of their way not to kill anything due to fear of consequences in the afterlife ("did I just step on an ant? I'd better check the soles of my shoes in case! I don't want to wash my hands in case it kills skin mites!") And would it change anything in your approach if the patient was someone who had had negative experiences with the law through no fault of their own (ie validating their fear)? Or who had a sincere belief that they should pray to be forgiven or purified for their perceived "sins" (a coping behavior which isn't negative in itself)? How do you even go about creating willingness in the patient to see these behaviors as problematic? It seems like it is much easier to treat for a fear of cats - it's easy to make an exposure ladder to the actual fear, it's ethical and safe to expose the patient, and the experience can ultimately be very positive - which is quite reinforcing. But what do you do when the patient is suffering from a good quality taken too far (obeying the law, refraining from killing etc.)? Obviously you can't invite them to break the law or kill things because that's not moral or ethical, so I'm assuming you can only ask them to sit with the discomfort of uncertainty? Is that just as good as working with the direct object of fear itself? Or have I missed something? I'd love it if you could talk about scrupulosity sometime! Thank you very much again. Kind regards Robyn Hi Robyn, If you like, I will include in an ask david. The short answer is one that I give every week on the podcasts—I don’t throw techniques at folks based on a diagnosis or problem. As often as I say it, people don’t seem to get it, and this is the biggest problem in our field—trying to figure out how to “help” or rescue our patients. Of course, cognitive flooding might be one of 15 or 20 methods I might use, and there are tons of others, but first one has to find out what, if anything, the patient wants, and then deal skillfully with Outcome and Process Resistance. This MUST come before trying any methods. More on this when Rhonda and I discuss your excellent question. d Matthew May MD practices in Menlo Park, California. He is on the adjunct faculty in the department of psychiatry at Stanford and practices in Menlo Park, California. Although most psychiatrists rely primarily on medications, Matt tells me that the majority of his depressed and anxious patients recover rapidly without medications as a result of his proficiency with TEAM-CBT. He is also a superb teacher and has a weekly online supervision group for mental health professionals interested in learning and refining TEAM therapy skills. You can contact him via his website. Next week, Matt will join us again in a fascinating podcast on the paradoxical Nature of TEAM-CBT! Don’t miss it! Rhonda and David

Hi David will give!

Introducing Nola Crystals Nola Crystals is the main focus for todays Join Up Dots business coaching podcast episode. This is a brand new business recently started by a listener of Join Up Dots, which is going to do very well for itself. The reason as you will hear on the show is mainly it has started, and also it is providing something that people already want and buy in numbers. This is always a great business to get into, where you can already see others having success in your field. So without further ado, lets begin with Nola Crystals and also answering a few other questions too. Question One - Nola Crystals Review Hey David! Let's start with how quickly “Join Up Dots” can work. One very small example in my life: Last Friday I watched a film about Steve Jobs (I love him) Saturday: I simply typed in “Steve jobs” into Apple podcasts. All I wanted to listen to was inspirational information from the genius himself Saturday: I found your podcast Saturday - Monday (today): I'm eight episodes deep into your show and I've learned so much VALUABLE information that I didn't know in relation to tips I could apply to my own business that I've started last month I typed “VALUABLE” in all caps because the common denominator I have heard from you and Steve Jobs (amongst other sources) is that value is key in relation to your customers So, over the course of a few days I've joined up the dots and I'm already richer in knowledge so thank you! It would mean the world to me if you would head over to my website and tell me what you think. I won't tell you anything about the business because I'd like to see from an average consumers point of view what their first impression is and if they can navigate the website with ease and get to a “money page” in “one click.” I started the business the first week of October this year. I've had two sales and started SEO the beginning of October. I understand SEO is a longer process. Thanks David! Ps: I'm typing this whilst on a treadmill so if there are any spelling mistakes let's just blame the treadmill and not me! :) Question Two - Does Confidence Make A Difference David, loving the show. I have a question for you, which i think I am picking up through your content. It seems to me that online success comes as much from your own confidence and belief than the business itself? Would this be true, as I think if it is, i have discovered potentially what might be going wrong with my ventures. I dont think that i truly believe in myself enough, so keep on pivoting to start something new? Thanks for your answer if you have the time and all the best for your future plans Paul Samuels, St George Utah Question Three - Passion or Boring Business? Hi David, i would love you to do a show on finding ideas for businesses as this is something that i struggle with. Do you think that a boring business, functional but needed is better than one that fills the passion zone that people talk about. Jim Rhapsody Question Four - Should I Start A Podcast Hi Join Up Dots...What would be your advice for starting a podcast nowadays. It seems that everyone has a podcast. Celebrities have podcasts. Celebrities have audiences. Do you think that you can start one in 2021 and still get an audience that I can monetize as successfully as you have? Melanie Ferrell, Ashton-in-Makerfield

Todays show is a coaching based episode whereby David Ralph, the host of Join Up Dots, and founder of Dream Starters Academy Coaching answers listeners questions directly. This is a no holds bared version of the show, that will cover the following subjects sent in by listeners of Join Up Dots 1: David, I listen to a lot of shows and I find that they are always telling me their favourite business books. You don't. So my question is what books would you recommend everyone reading if they get the chance ? - Jo Barnes, London   2: What has been the biggest difficulty to you as you have grown your business. I am thinking of starting my own business and any advice you can give will be greatly accepted. - Daniel Barkinside, South Africa   3. Hi David, thanks for a simply brilliant podcast. Its amazing how you can make me laugh, cry and scribble notes all at the same time. I was listening to a few of your shows, whilst on a long journey through Europe, and I wondered. What do you do when you are not involved in your business - Katarina Eastas - Poland   4: Good afternoon David and the Join Up Dots team, thank you for an inspiring and educational show. I am thinking of starting my own show and would like to know, how you decide on which questions you are going to ask your guests. I find this very hard indeed, and struggle to write more than five. Do you have any suggestions...thank you for your time. - John Milnard, Texas   5: I think I have a problem, which might need your help. I keep on repeating the same mistakes every-time when I start what I hope will be a life changing business. I put all my efforts into website design, content production, email list building for about six months and then let it fade away. I cant keep the motivation up to build anything worthwhile. Do you have any tips on how to remain focused. I know things do not occur overnight, but I also know that I am not ever going to get anywhere if I follow the same trend. Thank you for your time, I hope this question gets answered - Connor Sparrow Cardiff Wales If you want to get your question answered on the show then simply drop us a line to: Email: joinupdots.com@gmail.com

In today's podcast episode we hear from several listeners of the show who are rocking and rolling and doing amazing things. Not least getting the brain juices going to create online success for themselves. We hear from several people bursting with ideas, and one listener who shares her own tip for success as she builds her own coaching business. Dear David loving the show big-time. You certainly have got me buzzing and I am going to make 2020 my big year. What would be the value bomb that you can give me as a xmas gift to make sure this occurs?   Kind regards James Whittaker ps.....left a review on iTunes as I know you love getting them. Hi David....i have started a coaching business and have found clients very easy to get, so I thought i would let you know what I am doing. Everyday I go into A Starbucks or coffee house near me, and sit with my laptop. There are literally thousands of people that come in and sit down for a drink over eight hours. All I do is catch their eye and ask if I can sit with them and then start up a conversation. I'll be honest the idea frightened me, but I heard one of your guests talking about how they simply stood in a road and handed out business cards for an event they were running. So my mind thought out the process. Where are people always coming to? Where do people often sit and kill a bit of time? Where do people do this during work time? I hope that will help someone out there and thank you so much for starting your show as I wouldn't be where I am today without you....big love and kisses Jennifer Millward, Ohio, USA Hi David, quick question for you. Do you think that a business showing people how to clear their garages is a great idea? I keep on driving past open garages full of boxes and nobody can park their cars in them? This has been a light-bulb moment for me, and seems too simple that someone else hasn't done it already. Colin Baxter, Jacksonville, Florida. Mr Ralph, can I ask a question please. How do you know what to do each day in your business. You seem to have everything sorted, but i waste so much time just doing nothing worth while when I get a chance to work on my business. I guess you will say "write a list" or prioritise but I was interested if you do something differently. You are the best  Becky, New York City USA

In today's podcast episode we look at a couple for emails that we have received in the Join Up Dots headquarters over the last few weeks. You see so many people listen to a show like Join Up Dots and actually never ever do anything to make a change in their lives. They get trapped in either making the wrong commitments to change, or even worse never making them in the first place. Well today's show starts with a guy from Australia called Simon. As you can see from his email below, Simon make a commitment to have a beer with the host of Join Up Dots within two years. And guess what...he made it happen "Hi David, Have been listening to JUD for a little while now and I must say thank you very much for delivering such a brilliant show to us. I finished today's Healthy Living episode with Dr Phil Carson and sat there in my car thinking to myself, David has really nailed all of this, the intro, outro, all of it, just brilliant. I have a long back story, but I won't bore you with it, however due to your podcast, your unbelievable personality and wonderful smile (I know I can't see your smile! Lol) I am putting a goal out there for myself and that is to have a pint with you at a bar within 2 years. I know many people would have a goal of being on your show or something like that, but I know being a successful entrepreneur takes time and while I have fluttered in business/side businesses, well they were hobbies really, for a while this is the first time I'm making an investment in myself (I joined Flipped Lifestyle because of your podcast and when I'm ready to start a podcast I will certainly join your program). Sorry about the boring bit, but to be honest I just felt compelled to write you , just as I felt compelled to subscribe to your show and listen intently to your advice, your guests and everything in between. These really aren't normal things for me, to reach out, however I can relate to you a lot and that is a special gift you have. So Well Done! Thanks for your time and keep up the great work! Simon Bampfield, Melbourne, Australia When you see someone actually doing what they say they are going to do its so inspirational to us at all Join Up Dots. and it was a delight to sit with him and have that beer. Now we turn to another listener who is taking control of their life too. This guy is from South Africa and his name is Jason...as you can see from his email....changes are happening too. Hello David, Hope you are well. A while ago you were gracious enough to give me a short consult and advised me not to give up the job just yet. The problem was that the job was so all encompassing that I was struggling to dedicate time to develop an online business. Slowly the burnout and subsequent depression took its toll, and for a while I have been struggling to find a way out of the grayness of my situation. I was toying with contacting a small company close to home and approaching them. One morning in my long commute I was getting my dose of Join Up Dots and you interviewed a couple (if I recall the husband had been sick and spent a year in bed). Something struck a chord in me with that interview. I parked my car went up to my office, closed the door, took a deep breath and phoned the company close to home. Yes they wanted to see me. After a few months of negotiations I am three weeks from leaving corporate land. Yes I take a pay cut, but will work in a far less stressful environment and I have absolute freedom, to blog, YouTube and podcast to my heart's content. Also no more long commute (I will have to find another time to get my does of Joint Up Dots).  Keep up the great work. You are making a difference. So you can see these things happen when they are ready and they cant be rushed. Thanks for listening and we will see you again soon on Join Up Dots.

Welcome to the Join UP Dots podcast which today is question and answer time. But i wanted to start with an email that I received from a lovely lady in Texas America. I hope she doesn't mind me sharing this (but hey, its too late now) but there was so much passion and enthusiasm to make her life what she dreams it could be (and will be) I particularly want to reference the desire to have time with her family as a leading driver to her workload. Hi David,  Hi! I've been meaning to email you for the longest time, and finally. I came across your podcast about 2 to 3 years ago, I commute from my home to my business at the time in San Antonio, Texas, about an hour drive, so you would always be on. At first not going to lie...the accent annoyed me,-(kids love Peppa pig, so they love you too)  however after a few podcasts, I just couldn't listen to anything else!) Even my now 11 and 5 year old would look forward to listening to your message, I'd glance at the rear view mirror and see my son laugh at one of your off jokes and my daughter singing the intro.   By the way he now takes and promotes cold showers! Lol Point is, you changed my life. You made a difference in whatever I was going through at that time.  I'm from Hispanic descent, and our culture is very negative. Always second guessing myself and being the “yes” lady, that just couldn't say “no”. I've always had an entrepreneurial spirit, I had my first store at 26, then a real estate agent, event hall, then art gallery and lastly a small art shop in the heart of downtown San Antonio/riverwalk. However, I've always struggled with them not being successful enough or me being there ALL the time and missing out on important events with my family. So on May 31st I closed my brick and mortar and started to push my online shop. I'd love to be a part of the movement (joinupdots) that changed, uplifted, and inspired me. I want to say that you are an inspiration and a blessing. Keep up the fire! Blessings and hugs. Now let's move onto the nuts and bolt of the episode with three quick questions posed by the listeners either through email or the Facebook page. Dear David and everyone who works at Join Up Dots, I am a recent convert to your show, and i'm ploughing through several episodes a day on my daily commute. One of the things that comes out of the show is you cant do this on your own. I would love to find a mentor that could help me but I dont have the money to spare. The truth is, i dont think i will ever have the money to attract the ones that could really make a difference.  Any ideas?   Melanie Bristoe, Humberside, UK Of course you have to listen to the episode to get the answer for this question. Now for the second question from a listener who is struggling for steady clients coming into her business. David you are the sexiest man I have ever heard on the wireless. I started my new business a couple of years ago in the arena of sports therapy. I find that I am spending so much money on marketing, and find that the clients come to me in dribs and drabs. Any idea how I can get more consistent results? Really appreciate you and your passion for inspiring the world. Now for the last question........... David, there are so many different podcasts out there today, I am inspired to start my own. Do you have any tips on choosing a subject that will work? All the best Chris Martin Thank you for listening and for anyone who wants assitance to create their own business then simply drop us a line

It's me, myself, and I on today's episode! But there's a good reason why. Though I haven't covered this topic much up until now, that's about to change thanks to a great suggestion from one of my listeners. (Hi David!) So without further ado, today I want to take some time to share with you... Read More

It's me, myself, and I on today's episode! But there's a good reason why. Though I haven't covered this topic much up until now, that's about to change thanks to a great suggestion from one of my listeners. (Hi David!) So without further ado, today I want to take some time to share with you... Read More

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In todays episode of Join Up Dots we talk about why it so important to build up your own personal belief which can deliver you to greatness. You see so many people look for outside influences for help in their lives and their businesses, when actually it's easier to grow the belief inside with your actions and successes. Add to that the belief that you can also have fun in your business then you are 100% cooking on gas. But most people in life struggle with this fact which is why Join Up Dots tries it's hardest to instill this belief into all of you. However todays  show focuses on the following three emails, and of course to get the answers you need to listen to the show Dear David, I have been listening to your amazing podcast for the last few weeks since I heard you on the Meaningful Money Podcast. I am surprised that I hadn't heard of you before, but now I am hooked. One thing I would like to know is, through the Steve Jobs speech he talks about believing in something to help you through the dark times. I believe in God, and gain great comfort from knowing that I am supported by my God. Can I ask you what do you believe in, as I would love to know, Kind Regards Ahmad Sharzir, Yorkshire. Now for the second question that came to us all the way from Canada. Hi David, loving the show. The vibe is so different from every other show I have listened to, but manages to deliver even more top class business advice. I haven't listened to every show so did you always mess around and make jokes, or has this developed over the years. Whatever the answer keep em coming - Brenda Mitchell, Quebec Canada. And finally, Hi David, thank you so much for answering this email if you have the time. I imagine that you get thousands of messages. I have been doing your free training course and one of the things that keeps on coming out of the content is my love of Xmas. Do you think that I could create a business around this time of year, who does this put all my eggs in one basket. Ie profit from November to December and nothing for the rest of the year - Gillian Articha, Bournemouth England. Thanks as always for listening to the show and for sharing with your mates, we couldn't do it all without it.

In today's episode of Join Up Dots, we answer "How long to create a successful online business" and other listeners questions as ever posted on an email from across the world. We love receiving these so much, as it really shows that our words are having an effect and the world is starting to think in a different way. You see everyone has doubts, everyone has moments when they think that they can't get past that obstacle. Everyone runs into a closed door that they think is the killer of all there dreams, but it rarely is. So today's questions are part of the mindset shift more or less and we will start with one Mexico. Hi David, I am a shopkeeper in Mexico and listen to your show every day. I was interested when you revealed you had a business too, which I think was your parents? I don't enjoy running the shop anymore and don't think I ever did. How can I escape without hurting my parents who started the business 20 years ago?" Now for the second question for Angela in Bennington, Vermont USA who asks..... "David, really inspiring and different type of show. I would love to know if you could go back in time and give your younger version advice what would it be? Thanks for the show, that makes me laugh and then assess my own life in every episode" Angela And lastly, the third question comes once again from the United States of America and the town of Encinitas. "Hello, Mr Ralph and everyone connected with Join Up Dots. It seems to me when starting a business you have to expect to earn no money for a period of time, and then reap your rewards later? What timescales do you think would be realistic for someone who is inexperienced with business building"  Michael, Encinitas San Diego County, California Thanks as always for listening, and until next time if you have any questions then feel free to jump over to the Contact Page and send your own for later answering on the show.

In todays episode of Join Up Dots we answer a few listeners questions, posed on email from across the world. We love receiving these so much, as it really shows that our words are having an effect and the world is starting to think in a different way. You see everyone has doubts, everyone has moments when they think that they can't get past that obstacle. Everyone runs into a closed door that they think is the killer of all there dreams, but it rarely is. So today's questions are part of the mindset shift more or less and we will start with one from Martin the lawyer. Hi David, Must say love the show and listen to a different one daily. Great insight and inspiration for a person like myself who is working hard on my online business with the goal of quitting my lawyer job (I am 27). I have a quick question for you. I do dropshipping with a good deal of success. I care not to call myself an expert on the topic but do have a few years experience doing this and running facebook ads etc to generate revenue. Having been involved in the internet marketing spectrum for a few years now I understand the importance of the personal brand and acquiring an audience to teach other people with the intention of utilising that audience to sell related products. I plan myself to start my YouTube channel. Do you think this is feasible considering I am not an expert per se? Nevertheless I do have useful content and techniques that I can pass on and teach those. And of course I want to get started on this to grow and learn on creating such content to create an that may indeed branch out to other related areas I have expertise on like mindset, daily habits etc. Do you have any related podcasts on Youtube specifically? Keen to know your thoughts on same. Many thanks, Martin Followed on by a question from the lovely Adrea, Stuttgart, Cameron McCarthy and Benjamin Louder. Hi David, I recently had the personal honour of speaking to you one to one, and found you to be insightful, deeply focused and very very very different from the person you are on the wonderful and inspiring Join Up Dots. So my question is, as I wasn't brave enough to ask you at the time, is why if you are focused on being authentic are you so different? And also, if you have time, I often hear you say "If an idiot like me can do this"....why?  Why do you say that you are an idiot as you are brilliant in many many ways? Thank you for you time, and the personal connection Adrea, Stuttgart. Dear David and the Join Up Dots Team, do you ever have doubts that what you are doing is any good? I start loads of projects with a huge amount of emtheisuams, and then I start thinking its not very good, or people will laugh so stop. I was wondering do you have those thoughts and how do you get past them? All the best and thank you for the best show in the world Cameron McCarthy, St Johns Canada. Hi David, love, love, love the show. I heard an episode recently when you said you were looking to work one month on and one month off. How have you managed to do this, as I would imagine that Join Up Dots is a highly busy enterprise? Thanks for your time Benjamin Louder, South Africa. If you have any questions then feel free to jump over to the Contact Page and send your own for later answering on the show.

In todays episode David Ralph, discusses if freedom is worth more than money after he received a message from a listener in Columbia. "Hi David, big love to Join Up Dots. Do you think, I need time to build my business or money. Ok, to lose money if it comes back to me. Thank you Mateo Hernandez Columbia" You see when you start out on business its really hard to get things done. You are expected to be at work at a fixed time You want to be home as soon as you can to either, lay on the sofa relaxing or spending time with your partner and children. It's difficult for sure. So how can you get the freetime to do things that need to be done to grow your fledgling business? Well one of the things that you can do for sure, is look at how much money you are frittering away each month, as you may not have to work as much as you do. It is amazing how much money can be clawed back by making some decisions as to your lifestyle, and spending habits. Imagine you lived on an island, where the food was plentiful, you could build your own shelter and living accommodation? How much money do you think that you would need on a daily basis? I would suggest hardly anything at all......so why do we spend so much on needless subscriptions, cups of starbuck coffee each day, and gym memberships that we never use. It is astonishing how much we allow to slip through our fingers without knowing it. Which leads you to be able to make bold decisions as to your future. Could you ask your boss to go down to four days per week, instead of five? Could you ask to work from home one day per week? Could you leave your job and instead find a lower paid job, that allows you the free time to build your side hustle? Because one thing for sure, you need to make decisions that alter your current situation if you want to make a new one. You can not expect to live the same life until your new life comes along that is for sure. So let us know, if you are in the process of making bold decisions how are you doing it? Have you decreased expenditure, or perhaps you have simply accepted a decrease in income until things turn around for you. Thanks for listening and hope to hear from you personally on the voice mail messenger.

In today's episode David Ralph, answers a question received from a listener of the show in Houston Texas who is concerned about his health care issues. He wants to become an entrepreneur and create his own business, but is also concerned about what might happen if either him or his children become ill. But let's start with following up to a review that we received from a listener in Ireland who inspired by an episode of Join Up Dots let us know what they were planning to do after hearing one of our guest experts. CLC July 13, 2018 by CillianLally from Ireland Found this podcast a few weeks ago. Since started the ball rolling for my wife and I to start a drop shipping business. Clear, informative and light hearted. No long business monologues. Sent it to several friends since? So we read this out on the show and then received a follow up message show below “Hi David, I was blown away by the shout out on yesterday's podcast. I would love to be a guest eventually, it would be great to give back to something I have taken so much from. So an update as to where we are with the drop shipping business. I listened to the podcast a few weeks ago and I came home and said to my wife that this is what we are doing. So we are studying an online digital marketing course to ensure we can sell the product, I have taken a second job to give us the extra starter money and we have been taking webinars and researching all about Shopify. Our goal is to be up and running by late September/October time. If you like I can give you another update then and maybe if it works after a few weeks or whatever suits then I'd be delighted to talk my way through it? Oh and Cillian is pronounced with a K

How To Gain Confidence If We lack Confidence Big Time Todays episode of Join Up Dots is a solo show, where David Ralph answers a series of questions posed by the lovely listeners of Join Up Dots. Most of the questions in their own way are linked to the issue of confidence: Lack of it, or too much of it, and how it can affect our lives in a positive and negative manner. So lets start with the first question that 100% is based around lack of confidence. Dear David, I have been listening to your show since the early episodes and you seemed so confident from the start, i would love to ask you a question. I am someone who lacks confidence in myself, and so subsequently I hold myself back from opportunities that could really make a difference in my life. Even if they are ones that I would dearly love. Do you think that people are naturally confident, or do you think that its just a case of working on it. If you would allow me a second personal question, what would be the times in your life that you lack confidence, as you sound like you could never feel like I do. And now for the second question........ Hi David, thank you for Join Up Dots and everything you do. I listen to almost all your shows and love the way that you are so engaging. I live in Western Australia and have several times been close to starting a business. The first one was a laundry business for busy folk. I would pick up their laundry and then return it washed, ironed and ready to hangup. The second business, was to be a groundworking business, landscaping gardens, planting, and generally maintenance. My issue is, as soon as I get anything close to a negative comment  from anyone my interest in that business disappears. I'm not sure why I am so bothered by what people think, but I guess I am. Do you have negative comments thrown your way through your show, and how do you deal with them? Thank you so much Brian Siennet, Port Hedland, Western Australia. The last question....... Hello David and the Join Up Dots team. I have since listening to yourself started my own business WHOO HOO and im loving every moment of it. I agree with what you say, a business is finding your customers, discovering what they want and then offering it to them. However, I am using all the social media platforms and I am struggling to get any of those customers you talk about. I would love any advice that you can offer to help me to build profits into your life Nicola, Albany, New York. Of course if you are interested in the answers that we give you have to listen to the show.....

How Do You Make An Unsupportive Spouse An Ideal Business Partner? In today's episode of Join Up Dots we look at what makes an unsupportive spouse one of your biggest flagbearers in your life. You see everyday we talk about starting your own business, but we never really talk about how it will effect the lives of those closest to you. And more often than not it will either financially or emotionally. So what can you do about it to ensure that things go the way that you want? Let's start with our first question, which was posed by email from a gentleman I love your show. I only recently got into podcasts. The interviews and information you provide are really helpful. I do have a suggestion for a show though. Unsupportive spouses. I come from a lower middle income family that has always done side gigs as a way to supplement their income. So entrepreneurship has pretty much always been in our blood. I've been freelancing software development services since 2007. In 2009, I immigrated to Australia without any family or friends and had to close down my business in my home country. I had a permanent position for about a year, when In 2010, I started my own business doing contracting and consulting again. It was a one man show and I did really well but I never made the leap to employ people as I just didn't have the experience or mentor-ship to take me to the next level and I didn't know where to get that support. Especially on how to get more clients. I also started an online store in a niche market and it was really doing well. Then in 2016, I hit a really rough patch. My wife were on paternity leave for about 6 months when my contract ended with a big bank. Unfortunately I didn't have another client to go to as I was the one doing the contracting as a software engineer. For the next 6 months from June to December, my online store's sales had dried up and no matter how much money I threw at advertising or marketing, I wasn't able to get significant sales. I was unable to land any contracts and going over Christmas with no income was especially stressful. As you can imagine, this caused a lot of stress, fights and money flow problems and almost caused our relationship to fall apart. To add to this, my dad passed away in my home country and we had to fly over for the funeral. My credit cards were maxed out and I fell into depression. It was a really dark time. Then in January 2017, I got a short 6 month contract, but by then, my credibility as an entrepreneur had been crushed in my wife's eyes and she pleaded with me to get a permanent position. So in June 2017, I landed a permanent position with a company. It's a very good company and I like what I do. It pays the bills, and more importantly, I'm able to pay back my spouse the money she lent me when I was in trouble, but it's not where my heart is. I have all these ideas, all these plans to be an entrepreneur. I want to start more online stores, learning from my mistakes and doing better. I want to create software products and services. I want to do so much more. The problem, however, is that every time I try to bring up the subject to start new online stores on the side, or to finally create that software service that I thought about, again, on the side, my wife just shoots it down and it becomes a shouting match about how I've not accomplished anything for the last 8 years, and that I had no work and no income for 6 months while she was on paternity leave. She also brings up that I'm in my 40's and starting a new business is better left for 20 year olds, how I still owe her money. I'm busy shutting down the online store as it's not bringing in enough sales. To be honest, I know I can't just quit my job at the moment and continue my business, however, I can do it on the side and build up a client base or at least start some online stores to bring in some money. I really need some advice on what to do. I really love my wife and child, and I don't want to disappoint them again. I also believe that working for someone will never make you rich or wealthy. I've tried including her into my plans, asking her for advice and all other advice they suggest on the net, but she still has no confidence in me. Joining with that question we also answered, one from a gentleman called Eugene in America who asked: Hi David. Saying hello from Seattle Washington. First off I just want you say I listen and enjoy your show practically everyday. Lots of great info and motivation. I have to ask though, in your case, if you didn't have that big 'motivational push' - your new manager- do you think you would have still left your job? Another point I'd like to mention is that I noticed a lot of people have a significant other to lean on once they decide to take the leap and quit there jobs. Was your wife working when you made that transition? A little about myself, I'm on the 'fence' right now. Working a 9 to 5 but also doing my passion, discovering the stories behind the people that make up the Pacific Northwest. www.whatsupnorthwest.net So if you have a question or need some support from Join Up Dots, then let us know and we will be happy to respond on a future episode of Join Up Dots. 

Extra Money Coming To You Whilst You Sleep Is A Real Dream. In Todays Episode We Show How Anyone Can Achieve Passive Income In todays episode of Join Up Dots we spend time talking about why and if you should build a content based website. Over the last few years, people have become more and more fascinated with having the ability to create extra income for themselves on auto pilot. You go to sleep and wake up richer than you were before. And now with the internet ruling the world, even the smallest individual can dominate major corporations by building small laser targeted niche websites based around a single subject. Now this episode was inspired by a guy called Paul Gray, who dropped us a line into our Facebook Page asking the following question "Hi David, I've been listening to the podcast for the last few months and think it's great. Both inspirational and motivational. Just wanted to ask for any advice on starting a holiday website similar to yours. (Although not for Florida keys). Love the idea of the side income potential that, for the most part, would run itself once the initial work has been done. Keep up the great work with the podcast. Thank you, Paul." So we responded to him, and advised that we would record an episode detailing our thoughts on creating extra income in this way. Now as we say, it is reasonably easy to do something like this but it does take some planning. You dont want to start off on the wrong foot and spend your time creating a site, that although of interest to many people is a struggle to monetize. So start by thinking about, what people would pay for, and how easy is it to create a site around that thing? This is what I considered right at the very beginning of creating "Whats At Florida Keys" Would people pay to find out more information regarding this part of America? Well, no they want it for free, but they will pay to book a hotel room, or hire care, go scuba diving or a romantic meal or two. So can you find people that will be willing to pay you some kind of profit by passing leads through to their business? If you can then this is a great start to your desire to earn extra income for yourself - now you just have to go out and start building the site  

In todays episode of Join Up Dots, your host David Ralph answers questions received from listeners across the world who are in different stages of growing a business that they can all their own. These range from happiness, to online construction to when is the right type time to leave your job. Big questions, require big answers....so lets start with question one: David, great show. What would be your free biggest tips to being happy? Donald, Manchester, England   Now question two....  Hi! I have been listening to your podcasts over the last few weeks and have been talking about wanting to start my own company for months. I've finally come up with an idea that I think really fits my background but is also something attainable and that I'd be interested in doing. I have no idea where to start... I really just have the idea I'm wanting to basically be a recruiter for candidates to go into TEFL programs and teach english abroad - I've been a recruiter for 3 years now and recently taught English in Thailand so I think this is the perfect thing for me to start! But i don't know where to begin. Any help or direction- much appreciated!! Lauren Miller Leading onto question three:  Hi David, loving the show. I loved the episode that you talked about burnout. It was really inspiring that you could be so open and honest with us. Following on from that are you happier now, as I would imagine that you are, as that is how you come across on the show - but perhaps the truth is very different. intrigued from Stellenbosch South Africa   and the last one   David, quick question. I have been working on a few online bits and bobs over the last few years and now have got myself into the position to quit my job and go full time. However I am scared to do so, in case something goes wrong. When do you know when you are at the right time to leave and go it alone? Michaela Impey, Lubeck Germany   Thank you so much for listening to Join Up Dots and if you need any help then connect with us on either Facebook or joinupdots@gmail.com

In todays episode of Join Up Dots, David Ralph shares three different stories from three listeners who are building their dream lives and all are struggling in one way or another to make the next step to where they want to be. We get more and more questions from listeners who are listening to the show and are inspired by the content and want more and more from life. So let's start with the first question, which was received in our FB group from a lovely lady in America, who preferred not to be names in case her boss heard the show. So in this episode we will call her Derek..... "Hi David, Why do I have zero motivation at work!? Please don't share this on the podcast with my name but I'm curious if you ever felt at your past life job that you just couldn't give a fuck about the job at hand? I come in excited to start the day coming off of your podcast and then I get here and turn to absolute mush. Did you have days like that? I feel like it's bleeding into my desire to get out in that it's just completely draining me." You will hear the answer to this question on the show as you would expect from a top ranked podcast. The second question was posed from a guy, who knows what he wants to do, and knows how to do it, but is holding himself back from going full time. "Hey David, thanks so much for personally getting in touch. I've just realised you did, so apologies for not getting back to you. I'm from Bath, in good old Blighty like yourself. Thankyou for taking a moment to lend me your ear. In answer to your question, what is my biggest issue I have to reply, in a word...FEAR! I made the decision some time ago to change course in my career before reaching the age of 40 to pursue my love of photography. It's something that always consumes my thoughts and heart but until recently not something I thought I should develop on a freelance basis. Well, that changed when in my current job as a gardener I started to lose interest and a new manager appeared in the last 5 months and unfortunately we don't see eye to eye (a little similar to your origin story I think!) So, after 15 years in that career (and my back and knees are getting a bit knackered!) I thought, this is the perfect time to switch it all up again for the new decade of my life. I've now decided to prepare myself, the finances and inform family members of my decision to go freelance and to commit full time to taking photos - I've had some success in the past doing it in my spare time and appeared in a few newspapers, commercial work and recently won a competition on the Expedia/Trover website where the prize was a £1000 holiday. I love shooting events, festivals and adore landscape photography especially if I can get to work with outdoor and travel brands. I think I'm ready, but, as I mentioned before I'm scared. Fear has grabbed me, it's the great unknown and my knees are a knocking! Just can't seem to leave the comfort of a regular job and step into a world of freelance even though I'm sure I can do it and have a much more fulfilling life, just as you discovered when you found your true calling. Apologies for the lengthy ramble, though it would be awesome to get your insight and advice on how to not be too much of a yellow belly and confront this fear! Wayne Farrell, UK. Now for our last question we bring onto the show a lovely lady who has been a friend of Join Up Dots since the early days, and through listening to the show changed her life dramatically. But now that dramatic phase has become a little bit boring. So what do you do when life becomes humdrum? Do you do more and more to keep it exciting, or sit back and focus on what is brilliant in your life? Well as you can guess, we will answer that question on the show...and its a good one that connects all the others spoken about in todays episode. "Hi all! Just wanted to post an update and ask a general sort of question. I've been teaching a crazy amount of in person English classes since I got here, but am looking into teaching online. I can make dollars again and save on my commute which would be great. Outside of that I am honestly not sure what my long term plans are at the moment. Lately I have been feeling so much pressure to travel and even explore Prague with any free time I have but also feeling like I need to be studying grammar and teaching methodology. This has left me feeling a bit overwhelmed and slightly paralyzed. Truth is, as I mentioned I don't know what my long term plans are. I know I don't want to move back to America, but outside of that I am feeling a giant question mark. When I try to think about what I want to do I truly don't know outside of travel. Have any of oh found ways to ease up the mental stress and pressure you tend to create for yourself in these situations? That feeling of I should be doing more all the time?....Megan, Czechoslovakia" 

Todays episode is a follow from last Fridays episode of Join Up Dots, where we answered some listener questions. Jenny Kimble and Jorge Uribe both wrote to the show asking for advice, as both wanted to build their own businesses but didn't know how to start. So asked these questions: Hi David and friends! I am literally listening to you most recent podcast right now, I love it and all of your other ones are so inspiring as well. I need help please! I am an artist, and I want to be an artist full time or have a shop or something that I can do that is creative,  where I can paint all day and sell my work. I have been evolving with my art and I feel that i know who I am as an artist and I continue to grow. My full time job is very draining and stressful and I sit in an office all day and people that come in are 90% rude to me all day long. My son and husband and I are living with my mom ...my husband can't work due to many health reasons and we are in a big time rut. It's making me mean and cranky and depressed and I dont want to be that person ..to my family especially.  You said to just make it work and change your life...but i just need a little advice or something to get it going. I'm willing  to do anything to be happier for myself and my family. Help! (Please ♡) thank you! ~Jenny Kimble~ Well in today's episode we follow on from what we advised due to Jenny sending us a follow up email, discussing the progress that she made when she advised us Hi David! Listened to you show today where you read my email and gave me great advise! Thank you so much. I really appreciate everything you said and will definitely be taking your advise and using it very soon I also have listened to the podcast you sent me about the amazing lady who makes the framed quotes to make a living. It was great! Funny enough, a few days ago a friend of mine quit her job (same place as me) and as a going away gift I painted her a small canvas with a sarcastic remark that a few of us in the office as friends said to each other a lot, and it was kind of an inside joke. She liked it so much and the girls thought it was so funny that they encouraged me to start the etsy shop where id sell sarcastic, vulgar, funny and nice little canvases with funny quotes on them. The next day, another friend of mine said I should do something similar and I took it as a sign to maybe just pursue it and see what happens. i have also looked into Amazon. I will say that i am going to cancel my gym membership (since i've only gone three times lol ) and will use that money to get an amazon membership or a personal website. Just wanted to keep you updated! Thanks again for your support and I will definitely be in touch! ♡Jenny♡ And now for Jorge Uribe, who first connected with us by saying: I hope everything is great. I love your show! I just started to listen to podcasts about 2 months ago because I was looking for a way to not get bored at my cubicle. That is how I found Join Up the Dots and even though my native language is not English, let alone that for me the British accent is more difficult to understand, I got so engaged with your show that I can't stop listening to it. I have been dreaming of having my own business since I was a kid, the funny thing is that I have never gone that way in my life. I am born and raised in Peru and about 5 years ago I was getting bored with my job and I thought that I should try to challenge myself and pursue an MBA abroad.   That is how I  came to Canada, where I am currently living and working. After finishing my MBA last year, I tried to get a job in my field, a task that ended up being very difficult. I couldn't get any job offer in my field and I was running out of money so  I had to be creative and do something to earn some cash. I was doing some temporal jobs where I had to do about anything, even whipping floors. In the meantime, I kept applying to different positions and one day I saw a job posting to do administrative work, I thought that I could leverage my knowledge of working with MS Office and decided to apply. Fortunately, I got the job and after 2 months, due to good performance, I got hired for a full-time position there. The salary just allows me to survive, I cannot save money, but at least I can eat and pay my bills. The thing is that I still have the same dream of creating a business, I don't see myself working all my life for someone. I want to create jobs and opportunities for other people and I, of course, want to own my time and life. I am a hardworking individual and don't care if I have to work 80 or more hours per week in something I like doing. I am very creative, I have good ideas all the time, but my problem is that I don't know how to execute and take action, maybe because I have been working for someone so long. The reason for me to write to you is because, as I commented, I listen to your show every single day and I heard you saying that you can help people like me to unleash the entrepreneur inside. I don't know where to start, what to do or which of my ideas I should pursue and unfortunately I don't have money to invest because I spent my life savings in my master degree. I read, breath and eat business information every day and I am very passionate about entrepreneurship and small businesses. I hope you don't find this email so long and please excuse my bad English, but it was hard to comprise all my story here because there was even more information I wanted to share. I also hope this email is part of my first step to take action as the call you did to one of your favorite shows some years ago where you tell the host your feeling about his show and your desire to become an entrepreneur. It would be great to look back and found this email and see my entrepreneurial journey with proud as you see yours now. Since advising him on the show, he has now got the thoughts rushing around his brain which he shared in this response What you mentioned about me of being a niche, is just great! Among the ideas that I have been evaluating there is one that is very similar to what you mentioned in the show. I would love to help people from South America to improve their education and at the same time to experiment what living abroad is. Some friends from Peru, have been asking me about my experience here, and one of them even told me that she wanted to study here in Canada. That's when I thought I could create some kind of consulting service. Some days passed by and I told her that I could help her, I didn't tell her I was going to do it for money, just as a friend, but she told me that she had new challenges at work and she was going to focus on that now. What I thought could have been my first customer ended up to be just an illusion. That is why I didn't continue developing the idea but now that you mentioned it, I think there could be something there.  I still have some doubts about how to start. I know that if I want to create a business using the internet I have to create an online presence. Here is where I get lost, should I create a blog, podcast, website, YouTube channel and how can I start bringing  people. And what about the legal aspects, should I incorporate, open a sole proprietorship? or should I just start with an online presence until I get customers and see if it works. The doubt is also because I don't think that a business can be taken seriously by customers if it is not a legal entity.  I know you are busy and I don't want to monopolize your time with so many questions but any thought you might have about this is very appreciated.  Again thank you for your help. I listen to your show every day but I never imagined that I was going to be part of one. I am extremely grateful for that.  So are you ready to follow suit and start your own business?  

How To Start A Business Is Just One Of The Questions That We Answer In Todays Show So hello there and welcome to another episode of Join Up Dots.  In this episode we will be looking at just a few of the questions that we have received on the show over the last few weeks. It is amazing how many we are receiving on a daily basis, and more and more questions from listeners who are consuming the content that we provide and are ready to rock on their entrepreneurial journey. So let's answer question number one, from Jessica Arnold from Illinois. David thank you so much for your show Join Up Dots. It really is my favourite show and I have a question for you if you would be kind enough to answer it for me. My question is, is it important to have the profile first or the business. What I mean by that, is I seem to be spending so much time on website design and creation that I'm not getting anywhere close to actually making a proper business and earning money. I'm now wondering whether I should not worry about the website and the profile but just go out and find customers? Thank you so much for Join Up Dots, and I look forward to listening to more and more of the amazing episode you release. And our second question comes from Melanie Connors from Canberra, Australia. Dear David I was listening to your recent episode where you were talking about feeling addicted to the Internet and I have noticed the same feelings in myself. As soon as I wake up in the morning I'm checking my notifications and that continues all day until I go to bed early. I literally cannot leave the phone away from me. Can you suggest a way that I can break my addiction because you seem to have mastered it amazingly well and I now can see that I have a problem thank you so much Melanie Connors. The third Question comes in this form Hi David, I am interested in creating a YouTube channel and was wondering the best way of going about it. I am not overly technical and I do not have enough time to really learn the process that it takes. Can you suggest anyway that I can get up and running by recording the videos and nothing else. Thank you so much for the amazing and brilliant Join Up Dots. It really should be at the forefront of everyone's day, All the best Brian Skinners from Manchester, England. And then lastly...... Hi David in a recent episode of Join Up Dots, I heard you say that you now only work one month at a time. Could you advise how long it took you to get to this point, as I would love to be able to do the same. My job is 6 days a week as a fireman in Missouri and a side gig that replaces the income to allow me to move to a more flexible time scale is all I want in life. Your show is incredibly inspiring for me and my brain is flooded with ideas every time I listen to your episodes keep them coming and keep inspiring me cheers Michael Peters.

Push notifications are ruining my life. Yours too, I bet. Download more than a few apps and the notifications become a non-stop, cacophonous waterfall of nonsense. Here's just part of an afternoon on my phone: "Hi David! We found new Crown jewels and Bottle caps Pins for you!" "Everyone's talking about Bill Nye's new book, Everything All at Once. Read a free sample." "Alex just posted for the first time in a while.

Hello there, In today's episode of Join Up Dots we touch on many different subjects and also ask for a little bit of your help. This April 2017, in London we have the British Podcast Awards occurring and Join Up Dots has been entered into three different categories: Interview, Listener and Comedy And we need your help and the help of anyone that you know that could spare a couple of seconds. Please go over to the British Podcast Awards at https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/vote/ and type in Join Up Dots. Then its a simple case of selecting the top one in the list (Get Confident) and adding your name and email address. Your help will be massive to the continued growth of the show Later we will be bringing back the amazing Gargle Game to the show, but first lets start by answering some of the listener questions that we have been getting at the show. 1: I have been an avid listener of your show for the last six months, and would love to start a business. But I cant decide what to do for the best? Any ideas of something that I can do from home that would work for me? - Pratima Jobangi - Calcutta 2: Why did you start a podcast instead of a conventional online business. And do you think that everyone should have a podcast - Janinne Burrows, Oldbury West Midland 3: Hi David, love the show. I am amazed how you can make every show so fun to listen to. Have their been any guests that you haven't liked when recording. I am fascinated to know, as you always sound like best friends - Connor Rose, San Antonio Texas 

In today's confidence boosting Join Up Dots free podcast we spend our time answering listeners question sent through to us this week, and give some amazing answers Hope you enjoy it and if you want to send your own questions into the Join Up Dots team then simply go to the contact details at the bottom of the page and tell us whats in your mind. 1: Hi David and the Join Up Dots team, wow. I don't know how you find the energy to deliver so much amazing content. This is the best podcast I have ever heard, so wanted to ask a question that you might be able to answer on the show. This is the first time I have ever done this, so hope for a positive response. I suffer from depression and often have low energy levels that stop me tackling anything big to change my life. I would love to do what the guests are doing, but the thought of it is too demanding. Any suggestions? - Don McKenzie, Seattle USA 2: Hi David, many of your guests talk about being in the state of flow. I find this concept really interesting as I guess that is where we do our best work. Where can i find out more about this, other than Googling "Flow" - Gemma Holiester, New York 3: Hi David, I am thinking of starting a new business but know that I dont want to deal with customers, and work on anyone elses time. What do you suggest? Is this possible? - Arnold Baker, Albany, New York. 4: Hello Mr Ralph, I live in Argentina and love your show. I would love to know, do you have a support group around you. I have heard you talk about finding people, but dont know where to start. Agustín Garcia 

Todays show is a coaching based episode whereby David Ralph, the host of Join Up Dots, and founder of Dream Starters Academy Coaching answers listeners questions directly. He will also spend time reflecting on what occurred in his show in 2016, and his plans going forward, This is a no holds bared version of the show, that will cover the following subjects sent in by listeners of Join Up Dots 1. WHAT ARE THE RISKS OF STARTING MY OWN COMPANY? Hi David, wow what a show. I have just listened to twelve episode over the last few days and I feel I have found the inspiration to start my own business. I dont know what it is going to be (sorry as you have said on your other coaching shows you need more information), but i was wondering what the risks are in your view? Keep up the amazing work the world needs more shows like yours!!! - Arnold Mortenson Sweden 2: I AM SCARED TO START DOING MY OWN THING. I have a job that pays well, has all the benefits that I could want but isn't what I want to do. I am currently a lawyer in the south of the states, and as you can imagine its pretty stressful. I would love to have a simple life being a dog walker or something with animals. But I can imagine what would be said if I quit to do this - Calvin, Alabama ( that is not my real name) Any suggestions? 3: PROFESSIONAL AND POLISHED Listening to your show after finding it by accident, it seems so polished and professional. Do you have a broadcasting background - Nate, Perth Australia. 4: BEING YOURSELF You said on a recent episode that you felt that being yourself can hold you back in the short term. What did you mean by this, and why do it? - Art, New York 5: CONFERENCES AND APPEARANCES Are you coming to America at all? I love your accent and personality and would think you would be amazing in my country. Have you considered attending conferences, or perhaps starting your own? - Brenda Miles - Nebraska If you want to get your question answered on the show then simply drop us a line to: Email: joinupdots@gmail.com Facebook

Welcome to the confidence exploding Join Up Dots Free Podcast Interview with David Ralph To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: Click Here to Subscribe via iTunes Click Here to Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) If you like the show, we would be so grateful if would consider leaving the show a review in iTunes as well as Stitcher Radio. A couple minutes of your time can help the show immensely! Thank YOU! Todays show is a coaching based episode whereby David Ralph, the host of Join Up Dots, and founder of Dream Starters Academy Coaching answers listeners questions directly. This is a no holds bared version of the show, that will cover the following subjects sent in by listeners of Join Up Dots 1: David, I listen to a lot of shows and I find that they are always telling me their favourite business books. You don't. So my question is what books would you recommend everyone reading if they get the chance ? - Jo Barnes, London 2: What has been the biggest difficulty to you as you have grown your business. I am thinking of starting my own business and any advice you can give will be greatly accepted. - Daniel Barkinside, South Africa 3. Hi David, thanks for a simply brilliant podcast. Its amazing how you can make me laugh, cry and scribble notes all at the same time. I was listening to a few of your shows, whilst on a long journey through Europe, and I wondered. What do you do when you are not involved in your business - Katarina Eastas - Poland 4: Good afternoon David and the Join Up Dots team, thank you for an inspiring and educational show. I am thinking of starting my own show and would like to know, how you decide on which questions you are going to ask your guests. I find this very hard indeed, and struggle to write more than five. Do you have any suggestions...thank you for your time. - John Milnard, Texas 5: I think I have a problem, which might need your help. I keep on repeating the same mistakes every-time when I start what I hope will be a life changing business. I put all my efforts into website design, content production, email list building for about six months and then let it fade away. I cant keep the motivation up to build anything worthwhile. Do you have any tips on how to remain focused. I know things do not occur overnight, but I also know that I am not ever going to get anywhere if I follow the same trend. Thank you for your time, I hope this question gets answered - Connor Sparrow Cardiff Wales If you want to get your question answered on the show then simply drop us a line to: Email: joinupdots@gmail.com Facebook

Carolyn: Welcome to Circulation On The Run, your weekly podcast, summary and backstage pass to the journal and its editors. I'm Dr. Carolyn Nam, associate editor from the national heart center and Duke National University of Singapore.     In just a while, we will be discussing patients with familial hypercholesterolemia after acute coronary syndrome, and the new data in this week's issue that suggests we still need to pay special attention to this group of patients even in the current era of the widespread use of high intensity satins. First here's your summary of this weeks issue.     The first paper suggests that we may need to look at thyroid function in our risk assessment sudden cardiac death in the general population. This paper is from co primary authors Dr. Chacker in Van Der Burgh and corresponding author Dr. Strecker and colleagues from the Erasmus University medical center in water dom.     The authors studied the association of thyroid function with sudden cardiac death in more than 10,000 participants of the population based Water Dom study. They found the higher levels of 3T4 were associated with an increased risk of sudden cardiac death even in the normal range of thyroid function. The estimated hazard ratio was 2.28 per one nano-gram per deciliter of 3T4, and these risk estimates did not change substantially even after stratification by age or sex or sensitivity analysis excluding participants with an abnormal 3T4. The absolute 10 year risk of sudden cardiac death increased in youth thyroid participants from 1 to 4% within increasing 3T4 levels.     Thus this study suggests that 3T4 and additive marker in risk stratifications for sudden cardiac death in the general population. Further research is needed to assess the possible additional benefit of using 3T4 levels to re stratify and prevent sudden cardiac death.     The next study reminds us that therapies to reduce ischemic events in patients undergoing percutaneous coronary intervention are still really important even in the current era of changing definitions of periprocedural myocardial infarction. This study is from first author Dr. Cavender of University of North Carolina chapel hill and corresponding author Dr. Bach Brigham women's hospital and colleagues.     The authors looked at more than 11,000 patients randomized to cangrelor or clopidogrel int the champion phoenix trial.     Cangrelor is an intravenous P2Y-12 inhibitor approved to reduce periprocedural ischemic events in patients undergoing percutaneous coronary intervention who are not pretreated with with a P2Y-12 inhibitor.     The authors explored the effects of cangrelor on myocardial infarction using different definitions of myocardial infarction and perform sensitivity analysis on primary endpoint.     They found that 4.2 percent of patients had a myocardial infarction defined by the second universal definition within 48 hours after undergoing PCI. When the sky definition of periprocedural MI was used, there were fewer total myocardial infarction, but the effects of cangrelor remain significant.     Finally similar effects were seen when MI's were restricted to those defined with large bio marker elevations or by symptoms of ECG changes. Very importantly patients who had an MI regardless of the definition, were at increased risk of death at 30 days.     In summary changes in the definition of MI used in the primary endpoint did not affect the overall findings from the champion phoenix trial. This study also reminds us that periprocedural MI remains an important clinical event in the current era. Being associated with increased risks of death at 30 days, and therefore reducing ischemic events in patients undergoing PCI remains very important.     The final paper describes experimental evidence of a novel treatment approach to hypertension using micro RNA's. This paper is from first author Dr. Lee and corresponding authors Dr. Chinn and Wang from Tong G medical college and Whadrom University of Science and Technology in Wuhan China.     Micro RNA's are a class of small non-coding RNA's that regulate gene expression at a post transcriptional level. These authors compared the expression of key neucler genoman coded and mitochondrial genoman coded genes involved reactive oxygen species production in spontaneous hypertensive rats and wistar rats. They then used bioinformatics to predict the micro RNA targets followed by biochemical validation using real time PCR and immunial precipitation.     They first found that there was down regulation of mitochondrial DNA encoded sitoca B in the spontaneous hyper intensive rats, which appeared to directly contribute to the increased mitochondrial reactive oxygen species.     Next they found that mere 21 a key micro RNA induced into hyper spontaneous rats, was able to trans-locate into mitochondria to counteract the mitochondria pseudonym B down regulation. Finally, they showed that exogenous mere 21 delivered by recombinant adeno associated virus was able to lower blood pressure and attenuate cardiac hypertrophy in the spontaneously hypertensive rat model.     These findings are striking because they provide experimental support for developing micro RNA based treatments for hypertension.     Those were your summaries of original papers but before I go, I just have to highlight this in depth review paper in this week's issue, and it is regarding sodium glucose co transported to inhibitors or SLG2 inhibitors in the treatment of diabetes, discussing the cardiovascular and kidney affects potential mechanisms and clinical applications.     It is a beautiful review article written by first author Dr. Heresphink of the University Medical Center Groningen, corresponding author Dr. Churney from Toronto general hospital and colleagues. Truly a must read, but now here is our featured paper.     Our featured paper today is on patients with familial hypercholesterolemia after acute cornery syndromes. Today I have with us the first and corresponding author David Nan chin university of Lausanne in Switzerland.     Hi David, thanks for joining us.   David: Hi, I'm very happy to be here.   Carolyn: As the associate editor who managed this paper we have Dr. Amat Kira and you will recognise him as the digital strategies editor as well from UT Southwestern. Welcome back Amat.   Amat: Thank You Carolyn, happy to be here.   Carolyn: I am really curious about this paper because it speaks of familial hypercholesterolemia that most of us would assume is very rare.     Now David, I know that you actually published prevalence in a prior paper last year, but could you maybe start by telling us why we should, how common is this in our patients with acute coronary syndrome?   David: In fact we studied patients who is hospitalized with acute coronary syndrome in several university hospitals in Switzerland. Of course we try our best to include all classifications in the study in order to be very protective of the acute coronary syndrome population.     We found that among patients with acute coronary syndrome, familial hypercholesterolemia was not a rare disease. We found a prevalence of 2-5% which is in fact 10 times higher than what is thought to be in the general population.     The important point here is that we use very simple clinical catatonia to assist the prevalence of adage. This catatonia includes unbelievable[inaudible 00:08:50] and the family of Bethany of coronary heart disease. This criteria are very easy to use and implement in a clinical practice in the sitting in acute coronary syndrome to detect patients with familial hypercholesterolemia.   Carolyn: Exactly. You did not use molecular diagnosis in your paper, but yet, with these simple criteria there was a very important clinical take home message. Could you tell us about those findings?   David: The question we wanted to answer here is wanted to know what happened to this patient with familial hypercholesterolemia after hospital discharge. We found that patients with familial hypercholesterolemia were an increased risk of recurrence of cornea events within the year after discharge, and this is despite the use of idol science.     In fact, one year after the coronary syndrome, 7 people found a patient with adage were still using idle studies, which is very good we were quite impressed by these numbers, but they mean[inaudible 00:09:57] one year after the acute coronary syndrome, with one in twenty become affected later.     Most of these patients were not able to decrease their added cholesterol to lower evens.     I really think there is clear room for infestation of leamington therapy among these patients. In any of those drugs available from my seeing and very effective to decrease and [inaudible 00:10:25] to substance, but they are very expensive.     Maybe the best initial strategy, to prescot these drugs, is to target patients with familial hypercholesterolemia after acute coronary syndrome. Because these patients are at high risk of recurrence and most of them cannot achieve their cholesterol level with our studies.   Carolyn: Congratulations for being really the first to show that. This is common and it affects recurrent events. I think actually the first step is to recognize this in our patients which very few of us really do I think.     Amat from your point of view, knowing the results of this paper how has it changed your clinical practice?   Amat: Absolutely Carolyn. First I congratulate Dr. Nan chin and his colleagues. This was an incredibly important paper, and I think as you pointed out, one of the first to really show us why it is irrelevant to show us why it is relevant to identify FH at the time of an ACS.     Generally even when I work with my trainees when we talk about FH, everyone is thinking, "Well, we'll just put everyone on statins," and it's well appreciated. We can think about cascades swinging and why it's important to their offspring, but what Dr. Nan chin and his colleagues have certainly highlighted, is that these patients are at higher risks for recurrent ACS and recurrent events, and that's incredibly important as mentioned that tells us that maybe the routine treatment post ACS with high dose statins is not sufficient.     What's next is the tricky part, do we initiate PCS canine initially, do we add a zedemi upfront. Sort of the next step is the part that's a little bit more tricky, but I certainly see a potential for augmented therapy in these patients up front.   Carolyn: I like the way you said tricky, and that's usually when we call for an editorial isn't it?   Amat: That is correct as we will see with this article.   Carolyn: I really like the title of it, "Diagnosis and Management of Petra Zygas familial hypercholesterolemia too little and too late."     That was very interesting, but are there any other take home messages from your end David?   David: Maybe one thing we can add ... We are currently trying to change our practice regarding these reasons that we have now. We have now implemented in our casualty department a system that's explaining strategy to identify this patient, to identify patient with asage.     We have a prevention team that can provide very early during hospitalization additional information for this patient about asage. That's one very important point is to encourage family testing especially for the children of the patient and also to provide concerning for other cardiovascular risk factors. Because we also found that half of these patients with asage were smokers in fact and 40% of them had hypertension.     Certainly to address the other cardio risk factor in patients with asage so certainly very important. At the end part of what we are doing is we are assured of the patient will an appropriate medical follow up in the primary care setting because it's also very important for management of asage and circular prevention in the primary care setting after discharge.   Carolyn: Wow. Those are excellent points. Very practical advice on screening, management, and really just applying the results of what you found. Congratulations once again.     Amat I'm going to switch tracks a little bit now. Since we've got you online I really have to ask you a couple of things with your hat as a digital strategies editor.     Has it been two months since we first chatted even about this podcast which is part of the digital strategies. Let's take stock of it. How are things going?   Amat: Well, so far I think excellent and frankly one of the highlights of our digital strategies is your podcast. It's gotten rave reviews and certainly appreciate all your enthusiasm and your unique take on how to do this. We've also had some excellent work with our social media. We have a revised website which has a lot more real estate for some novel offerings, and I think we certainly can't rule out traditional print media, but those articles that come out online.     It's been really an exciting time and thinking of novel ways to share new information in a modern era.   Carolyn: Right. Thanks to you really Amat and I would really want to bring out one of the strategies that we may have not talked about so often yet, and that's the "on my mind" vlogs.     The reason I'm going to bring it up is because last week I was struck by the on my mind article by Milton Packer and it's entitled, "Heart Failure's Dark Secret. Does anyone really care about optimal medical therapy?" That's just awesome. Could you tell us a bit more about this vlog.   Amat: I think you hit the nail on the head there it certainly an edgy and controversial title, and if you think about it that's the purpose of this in most of our academic writing. It's a little bit stiff in following certain para dines, and more formal para view. The purpose here for the on my mind was literally that for someone who is a thought leader to free associate various ideas they have that would be controversial or edgy or may not be accepted down the main stream.     That's a bit on purpose because we hope to create a dialog around that. If you look on our webpage, there's actually a place where people can add comments or start a dialog saying whether they agree or disagree, or begin an important conversation around these edgy topics.   Carolyn: I think that's the really cool part when we can actually start interacting with our readers and listeners online that way.     Thank you to my wonderful guests and thank you listeners for listening this week. Don't forget to tune in next week for more highlights and features.    

Todays episode of Join Up Dots touches in on a subject that although we talk about it everyday, is somehow difficult to answer. What Stands Between You And Complete Happiness? Well lets start with the email that we have received............ Hi David, Loving the little bonus episodes of Join Up Dots....keep them up. And of course still do the other ones too! I was reading an article the other day and the author posed a good question, and as you have asked for listeners to drop you a line if they have questions my question is this.... What do you believe stands between you and complete happiness? Clint Baxter Tennessee USA

Have you ever Googled the word annuity? If you haven't, maybe you should. Much to the financial industry's dismay, annuities have become popular products that help Savers use, enjoy and protect their hard earned money. This week, on the David Lukas Show, David focuses on annuities and why/how they have recently become the sweethearts of the insurance business. David first chats about something that happened back in 2014—an estimated 50 billion dollars moved from managed accounts into products called hybrid annuities (fixed indexed annuities). Yes folks. That's 50. Billion. Dollars. So why did all that money move from Wall Street to insured contractual agreements? Security. That's when many “investors” finally realized that they were actually Savers more interested in the return of their money other than the rate of return on their money. In the second half of the show, David names and explains what the four types of annuities are: Fixed Variable Immediate Fixed-Index (Hybrid) ...and how each one differs from the other. Listeners' questions addressed during the show: Hi David. I have an annuity currently making 3% interest. Can I get a better rate somewhere else?   —Ricky in Little Rock, AR. What is an indexed annuity, and is it better than a fixed rate annuity? What if interest rates go up, what about bond rates?   —Charles in Austin AR. To hear the valuable advice David has to give Ricky and Charles, listen to the entire episode today. Bible verse(s) featured in today's show: Matthew 13:22, Ephesians 2:4, Ephesians 3:16, Ephesians 14:18-22 Focus: Riches in this world and there after.   Do you know your financial DNA? Are you a Saver, an Investor or a Speculator? Learn about the three personalities of money and take the test today at: DavidLukasFinancial.com Get the Annuity Decision Guide for Savers today. Just click here! Want to know more about how David Lukas Financial can benefit you and your retirement portfolio—call all David Lukas, (501) 218-8880, today to learn more about The WorryFree Retirement® process. It's unlike anything else in the industry.

Today's show is another departure from the standard Join Up Dots format.   In this show your host discusses and answers a question by a Join Up Dots listener who asks....   "Hi David, hope you are well.   Could you advise me do you think that a podcast is a great way of beginning in business or do you think I should create the business first?   All the best   Linny Bartholomew   And if you have time, what would be the best bit of advice that you have received from any of your guests?"   David answers this question, in his normal contagious manner, adding a few laughs into the mix.   And the answer may not be what you would expect a podcaster to deliver.   So sit back and enjoy, and if you would like to drop him a line and get your own message or question presented on a future episode of Join Up Dots then contactjoinupdots@gmail.com

Todays bonus episode of Join Up Dots touches in on a subject that although we talk about it everyday, is somehow difficult to answer.   What Stands Between You And Complete Happiness?   Well lets start with the email that we have received............   Hi David,   Loving the little bonus episodes of Join Up Dots....keep them up.   And of course still do the other ones too!   I was reading an article the other day and the author posed a good question, and as you have asked for listeners to drop you a line if they have questions my question is this....   What do you believe stands between you and complete happiness?   Clint Baxter Tennessee USA