Podcasts about intimate connections

Dating, Part 1 Navigating the Dreaded (But Sometimes Needed) Dating Apps! Today we started a series on one of my favorite topics: dating. When I was in clinical practice in Philadelphia, a large proportion of my patients self-identified as single, without partner, so this was one of my favorite problems to help people with, and why I wrote the book, Intimate Connections, which included my some of my personal experiences learning about dating during my medical school days at Stanford. Our special guests include our own TEAM CBT expert, Jacob Towery, MD, who presents the free annual two-day marathon on shyness called “Finding Humans Less Scary.” He will be presenting this program at Esalen as well from September 8 – 12, 2025. Check out the September 8 - 12 shyness workshop at the beautiful and dramatic Esalen in the Big Sur! We are also joined by two wonderful young ladies: Sydney, who graduated in 2024 from University of Santa Cruz, and Sophie, who recently graduated from UC Berkely. They will give us some first-hand experiences and suggestions in the navigation of dating apps. Jacob said that after his divorce in 2012, until 2020, he went on a lot of dating apps and met nearly 200 women this way, exploring both short and long-term types of dating. He said it is sometimes difficult to figure out what someone is really looking for on an app, whereas in person it is easier. The group described the tendency to treat people as objects and ghost them when you decide you're not interested. He recommended, instead, to treat people with dignity and care, even if you're not romantically interested in them. He said that whether you've been on one or many dates, don't just ghost someone. Instead, you can let someone down gently if you aren't interested. For example, at the end of a first date in which you don't find yourself attracted to the other person, you could say “I didn't feel a spark but I enjoyed our time together. Thanks for hanging out with me.” This will make it clear to the other person you won't be asking for another date, but in a kind way, and prevents them wondering for days if you will ask them out again. In addition, he advised that initially, don't just text people back and forth endlessly. Instead, get into real life ASAP. Meet them for coffee or ice cream or whatever would be fun. That way you can find out whether or not there's a spark of interest. Jacob also recommended using a recent photo of yourself. If you use an older photo of yourself, the other person may be disappointed when they meet you! Jacob recommended being honest about what your interests are, and what you are looking for. Are you just looking for casual dating? Are you only looking for something that may evolve into a long term relationship? Are you interested in having children? What are your interests or hobbies? The group discussed many topics, like is it okay for a woman to take the initiative and ask people out they are interested in? It's easy to get overwhelmed by having too many offers, too many to select from. And the whole process can be incredibly exhausting. How do you make conversation in a way that will turn the other person on and make them interested in you? What's the secret? How do you overcome the fear of rejection? And what if you protect yourself from the fear of rejection by hiding personal information about yourself. For example, you may think that if you didn't really open up to the other person, their rejection will be less painful because they didn't see your so-called “real” self. Jacob emphasized the importance of being playful and creative when dating. People really like to have fun. Being overly serious or heavy can be a turn-off. Thanks for listening today! Future topics will include how to flirt, how to change the way you think when you're rejected, making people chase you, how to get close, and more! Rhonda, Jacob, Sydney, Sophie, and David

Ever feel disconnected from your partner… but not sure how to fix it?You're not alone. Between mismatched desire, mental load, body image struggles, and awkward communication, intimacy often becomes one more thing on your to-do list, instead of a source of connection.In this episode, I'm joined by Vanessa and Xander Marin—licensed sex therapist and bestselling author duo behind Sex Talks and the Pillow Talks podcast. We're breaking down the silent issues that show up in long-term relationships and how to reconnect (without relying on spontaneous desire or unrealistic expectations).We're talking about what's actually behind low libido (hint: it's not just hormones or sex drive), how to reduce the mental load so you can feel more connected, and why “scheduled sex” isn't boring, it's powerful. Vanessa Marin is a licensed sex therapist with 20+ years of experience and Xander Marin is her husband, co-author, and brings the real-life partner perspective that makes these conversations feel refreshingly honest, relatable, and actionable.We Also Discuss:08:26 – Why we need to talk about sex way more openly13:44 – The 5 conversations every couple should have about sex18:32 – The truth about “how often” you should be having sex26:23 – Why desire doesn't just happen—and what to focus on instead32:42 – How mental load kills intimacy (and what to do about it)40:00 – The surprising link between body image and your sex life47:12 – What the “bristle reaction” is—and how to fix it54:04 – The most underrated forms of foreplay (hint: it's not lingerie)Thank You to Our Sponsors:Broads: Broads gives you structured, progressive training and a powerhouse community to keep you strong, consistent, and unstoppable. Join today at broads.app and use code PODCAST for 20% off your first month!Legion: Use code Tara20 for 20% off your first order and double loyalty cash back any order after that when you shop at LegionAthletics.comFind more from Tara: Website: https://www.taralaferrara.com/Instagram: @taralaferrara @broads.podcast @broads.appYoutube: Tara LaFerraraTiktok: @taralaferraraFind more fromInstagram: @vanessaandxander Website: https://vmtherapy.com/ Youtube: @vanessaandxanderPodcast: Pillow Talks

Ask David My friend won't say thank you! Dating Anxiety Religion vs. Psychotherapy We want to remind you about an awesome virtual workshop on habits and addictions that Dr. Jill Levitt and David will be presenting on March 28, 2025 We will feature powerful new paradoxical techniques that will blow your socks off. It will be from 8:30 to 4:30 and you will earn 7 CE credits while having fun and learning how to heal yourself AND you patients. Check it out! It's less than two weeks away, some check it out while you still have time! You'' LOVE it and LEARN a LOT! Registration and More Information Here! As is so often the case, the answers to these questions that appear in the show notes were email replies to the person before the show. To get the full discussion, make sure you listen to the actual podcast, as the answers often evolve in unexpected ways when the “experts” hash it out! Today's episode is chock full of personal stories (some racy), expert Five Secrets advice and demonstration,  philosophical / spiritual discussion, and secrets of successful (and racy) dating. 1. Brittany asks: What can I do say to a friend who does not say “thank you” when I pay for our meal or drive a long distance just to see them? 2. Jaydipe asks: How can I get over my anxiety around attractive women? 3. Ali asks: Can religious beliefs cause or intensify feelings of anxiety? (David will talk about the synergies between TEAM CBT and spirituality in all religions. He will also mention the potential antagonisms.)   1. Brittany asks: What can I do say to a friend who does not say “thank you” when I pay for our meal or drive a long distance just to see them. Hello David and Rhonda, I have a friend who typically does not say thank you to me when I pay for a meal out or drive us a long distance. I am someone who always says thank you even if the other person just bought us $10 worth of fast food or gave a short ride. I find myself feeling resentful towards my friend for not saying anything when I pay and drive us around all day. It makes me feel like they don't appreciate it. At the same time, talking about it and sharing my feelings would then feel like I'm asking them to say it, and then it would not feel authentic. I have said something about it in the past, and they were like I'm sorry, thank you. But it didn't mean much at that point. Is this one of those annoying traits I just learn to accept? Thank you, Brittany David's reply Well, you could just use a gentle I Feel statement, which might be paradoxically stronger, but combined with Stroking. Like this, "Jennie, you know I think the world of you, and greatly enjoy our times together, but when I pay for lunch, or drive a distance to hang out with you, you rarely ever say "thank you," and then I feel hurt and unappreciated." Something like that combines Stroking with I Feel and might be effective. But I always rate myself on what I do, or say, and not so much on how the other person reacts. You could, perhaps, also ask if they are upset with you about something that they've had trouble expressing to you. Best, david 2. Jaydipe asks: How can I get over my anxiety around attractive women? Hi David Many thanks for the podcast I'm struggling with social anxiety and talking to attractive women and I've watched all the podcasts relating to it. I think deep down I have a shame around finding women attractive, so I find it difficult to express interest in them. I find that I can talk to them easily during activities like climbing or co workers, but even on dates with women I can't seem to take things forwards playfully like you'd expect on a date. I'm too serious and I think that turns people off. I feel like I'm under the spotlight and I have to impress them otherwise they won't like me. I know this isn't true and I've been trying to get myself to do exposure therapy by asking girls for their numbers and being rejected so it helps with that. Also, I struggle with societal expectations, I hear women say that they don't want to be approached or talked to or anything so I just end up avoiding them because I don't want to annoy them, but it holds me back from getting the sex and relationships I want Any help much appreciated Thanks, Jaydipe David's Reply I have included your excellent question on an upcoming Ask David. In the meantime, have you read my book on dating, Intimate Connections? Best, david PS Should I use your first name, or a fake first name? 3. Ali asks: Can religious beliefs cause or intensify feelings of anxiety? Dear Dr. Burns, After reading your books, I've started to recognize that many of my anxious beliefs seem to have a religious background. For example, in the Bible, there's a verse from John 5:14: “Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, ‘See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.'” Here's where I struggle: I want to live my life freely, which includes things like being with different girls before marriage (something I already do). But according to religion, this is considered adultery and a sin. Another verse that weighs heavily on me is from Matthew 5:27-29: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.” I often find myself looking at beautiful women on the street, which Christianity teaches is sinful, and this sometimes leads to feelings of guilt. I wonder: do I need to leave religion altogether to break free from these negative, self-critical thoughts? I also have other related thoughts that seem to link my faith with the good things happening in my life. For instance: My life is going well right now. My parents are alive, my brother is getting married, I'm healthy, and I've been fortunate in many ways. I've had incredible experiences, like participating in two Erasmus+ exchange programs in Poland and Lithuania during university, volunteering in Latvia for a year, and even having my New Zealand visa approved in a highly competitive process (only 100 spots for 85 million people, and the application closed in 5 minutes!). I often think that these blessings are because I believe in Jesus, follow the Bible, and try to live as a good person who avoids sin and doesn't deceive others. But then these anxious thoughts arise: I should always be thankful or pray, or else my life will fall apart. If I leave religion, something bad might happen—my parents could fall ill or pass away, and it would all feel like my fault for turning away from Jesus. Without faith, I'd lose my good fortune(luck), my appearance, and my opportunities. Wherever I apply to would be rejected, then I would understand that it was Jesus in the first place doing all of these things in my life, not me or vice versa! I'd find a terrible job, terrible working environment, terrible mutual relationships. Then everything would be my fault and I'd tell myself I should have believed in him in the first place but now I deserve everything that happens to me! These thoughts are overwhelming, and I'd love to hear your perspective on how to approach and challenge them. Thank you so much for your time and the invaluable insights you share in your work. Warm regards, Ali David's reply Hi Ali, Sorry you are struggling with so many restrictions, judgments, and inhibitions! I can imagine it triggers anxiety, guilt, inadequacy, resentment, discouragement, and more. You can let me know! If you want, I can include this as an Ask David question on a podcast, with your first name, or a fake first name. Let me know if this works for you. Also, what religion are you? I know that many religions around the world can be very fundamentalistic and super strict in their teachings. My own religious upbringing had a touch of rigidity, too. Best, david Ali's response to David Hello again, Actually, my family comes from the Christian (Orthodox-Armenian) minority in Turkey, where I was born and raised. So, I am an Orthodox Christian. You're absolutely right that I struggle with many restrictions and judgments. I'd love for you to include this as an "Ask David" question on a podcast since I haven't seen any episode (and I've listened to most of your recent podcasts, including number 408: Do You Believe in God? Does God Exist?) that addresses this topic. By the way, I already use an alias, so "Ali" is a fake name, but you're welcome to use it in your podcast! Here's a quick DML (Daily Mood Log) to clarify what I'm dealing with: The Upsetting Event: Doing my daily half-hour Bible reading before bed and coming across certain verses. Emotions: Sad: 60% Anxious/Worried: 70% Inadequate: 60% Guilty/Bad: 90% Abandoned: 70% Pessimistic/Discouraged: 80% Stuck: 75% Angry/Resentful: 75% Tricked/Duped: 80% Although I don't consider myself a devout Christian, over the past few years, I've started reading the Bible—the Old and New Testaments. Initially, I read them in my native language, but now I read in English to fully understand the content. Growing up in the church, I believed everything the priest taught. However, encountering some events and stories that seem illogical to me has made me question my beliefs. I often feel tricked and wonder if I've truly believed in all this. At the same time, I feel anxious and worried, as if questioning or criticizing my religion is a betrayal of God. Please let me know if you need any additional information. Ali David's reply Thanks, Ali, this is super. I was also raised in a somewhat strict Christian (Lutheran) home, and as a child had plans to become a minister, like my dad. In college, I learned critical thinking, and began to question some of what I was taught when I was growing up. For example, there seemed to be a bit of a bias against Jews, and my dad said they had to convert to Christianity to be  ”saved” and, I guess, avoid going to hell after they died. That didn't sound right at all, not loving, as Christ taught, who was himself a Jew, but hostile and judgmental. And I had good friends who were Jewish, so it felt offensive. Same with people who were gay. A strong bias that this was somehow “bad” and sinful, or something like that. Christianity, in the sense of the Catholic church, was really created by people a couple hundred years after Christ died, and they were reflecting their own human biases when they wrote the new testament and translated the old testaments. For better or worse, I am personally not afraid to disagree with much of what is in the Bible, and interpret it, not literally, but as a series of stories trying to communicate important spiritual truths, but these truths get quite distorted when people began focusing on literal truths, rather than “seeing” the message. Literal translations of religion risk missing the spiritual meaning and truth. This is especially true of the orthodox movement within any religion. This tendency toward being literal, rigid, and judgmental may be a partially inherited, genetic trait. Regardless, to me, it is offensive and ugly, and definitely not religious, but quite the opposite. In the early days, lots of religious cults emerged, and they all had their own special leaders. If your leader couldn't walk on water, that guru was considered inferior. So, it was fashionable to say that your spiritual guru could “walk on water.” What does that really mean? To me, it means that this person is pretty special, and much kinder and more loving than most others, and can perhaps convey some spiritual truths to us. But actual walking on water is a magic trick best left to television and stage magicians. This is my thinking only, and I do not wish to impose my thinking and beliefs on you or on anybody! I had tremendous respect and admiration for a Catholic nun, Sister Shela Flynn, who worked at my clinic in Philadelphia because she wanted to learn how to do CBT. She was humble and wonderful, and once shared with me that she also thought the stories in the bible were primarily metaphors, just stories trying to convey this or that idea about love, humility, and so forth. Not literally true stories you “had to” believe to be a “good Christian.” An, in addition, using my philosophy and CBT training, there is really no such “thing” as a “good Christian.” Positive and negative labels can be useful but can also be hurtful and destructive. Will stop babbling, and feel free to reject or ignore some or everything I am saying! But on an emotional level, I feel hurt, and angry about the literal “rules-based” versions of religion. Because I see, all over the world, atrocities being committed to a massive degree in the name of this or that “religion.” I am most comfortable with Buddhism, but even then, many people take it literally, make up rules, and so forth, just like other religions or spiritual “paths.” For some reason, people love to make up rules and then try to force others to conform to their beliefs and rules. This is due, in large part, to arrogance, and the desire to feel “special” and “superior” to others. These are not, to my way of thinking, spiritual qualities, but quite the opposite. Finally, I do not mention religion in my therapy, which is 100% secular, and based on research and on scientific research on how people actually change. But at the moment of recovery, which often happens in a flash, rather suddenly, the patient often “sees” something of a spiritual nature which they had not seen or grasped before. I have never seen anyone lose their religious beliefs because of effective therapy, but quite the opposite. In fact, what we might call “recovery from depression” (or some other problem) sometimes looks an awful lot like what the religious mystics from all religions have called “enlightenment.” So, that's the sermon my dad would have perhaps wanted me to preach from a pulpit! I guess this is my pulpit, and you are in my congregation! And this Sunday morning here in Los Altos, so that's the end of today's sermon! Best, david Contact information You can sign up for the David and Jill workshop on healthier habits here: cbt-workshop.com

Thank you to my sponsors: BlueChew & VIIA BlueChew - Try your first month of BlueChew FREE at https://bluechew.com  VIIA - If you're 21+, go to https://viia.co/fdl and use the code FDL to receive 15% off AND if you're new to VIIA - get a free gift of your choice. More Ric Diez Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sadmanric 0:00 Last Time Ric Diez Fished 3:04 Bert Kreischer's 5k, Having Kids, Brussels Girls  10:10 Ric Diez's Ex, Dating, Intimate Connections and Relationships 25:10 Ric Diez Roast Battle with Hans Kim on Kill Tony 33:44 Comedy Tours and Headlining Comedy Shows 39:53 Ric's Family, Close Calls, Staying Healthy 45:29 Dom Irrera, Brian Holtzman 47:28 European Stand Up Comedy, Tom Segura, Ari Matti New Tour Dates: https://www.davidlucascomedy.com/tour New Merch: https://tinyurl.com/bdm6tc54 Become a member to get custom emojis: https://www.youtube.com/@DavidLucasComedian/join Connect with David Lucas Website: https://www.davidlucascomedy.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/davidlucas Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/davidlucasfunny Twitter: https://twitter.com/funnydavidlucas Youtube: ​⁠@DavidLucasComedian  David Lucas was born in Macon, GA. He started acting an early age, performing in numerous stage plays at the Macon Little Theatre. He relocated to Hollywood where he was a contestant on, “MTV Yo Momma”. He has since written for several television shows and continues to perform stand up all over the country (for such comedians as Louis CK, Erik Griffin, Joe Rogan, Brendan Schaub, Tony Hinchcliffe, Bert Kreisher, DL Hughley and many more). David is a Kill Tony Hall of Famer and currently headlining his own tour! Filmed By Daniel Casas https://www.instagram.com/presentedbydaniel A 7EQUIS Network Show https://www.7equis.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“[Retreats] allowed me to have some self-discovery and the courage to face the fears and have those hard conversations. It is truly changing my life.” —Heather Nelson Are retreats a luxury for the elite or a necessity for the soul? Many dismiss them as "woo-woo" indulgences, but what if they're the key to unlocking our true potential? In a world that never stops, could stepping away be the boldest move we make?Heather initially approached retreats with skepticism. However, after experiencing the transformative power firsthand, she now co-hosts the Empower Your Path Retreat, blending her expertise in creating memorable experiences with a newfound passion for personal growth.Listen as Heather unpacks the surprising impact of retreats, covering everything from the power of vulnerability and intimate connections to the eye-opening experience of crying for the first time in years and finding wisdom in tree-hugging.Connect with Heather: WebsiteFacebook InstagramLinkedInEpisode Highlights:01:47 Retreats! 06:05 The Challenge: Getting Participants to Attend12:08 Why Retreats are Life-Changing  18:25 The Power of Connecting 22:56 Join Our Day Retreats Support the show

Waking Up Dreading the Day Mother-Daughter Problems Patients Who Are Afraid of Their Feelings Romantic Problems, and More Questions for today: Rose asks: I wake up dreading the day. What can I do?! Maggie integrates TEAM-CBT with prayer and asks for help with mother / daughter issues. Simon asks: “How can we deal with patients who are afrad of their feelings?” Amanda asks: “Help! I have a romantic relationship conflict! What should I do?” Aaron asks: Why are feelings of depression and anxiety correlated? In other words, why do they frequently go hand in hand? The following questions and answers were written prior to the live podcast. Make sure you listen to the podcast to get the full answers, including role-play demonstrations, and so forth.   Rose asks: I wake up dreading the day. What can I do?! Hi David, I've been reading your book, "Feeling Good," for help with my anxiety ever since my 100-year-old mom moved in with me.  Your techniques are helping, but every morning I wake up anxious, dreading starting my day.  Is there a technique to help with this? I really am working to change my thoughts from negative to more positive thanks to you. I look forward to hearing from you. Rose David's reply In my book, Feeling Good, I urge people to write down your negative thoughts, and emphasize that it won't work very well unless you do this. Many people refuse. How about you? What were the thoughts you wrote down when you woke up feeling upset and dreading your day. Could use as an Ask David on a podcast if you like. Best, david Rose wrote: Thanks for your speedy reply.  I'm new at this and just started reading the book yesterday, but I will start writing down my thoughts.  Thanks for your help. Maggie integrates TEAM-CBT with prayer and asks for help with mother / daughter issues. Dear Dr. Burns, I want to begin by expressing my deep gratitude for your work, which has had a profound impact on my life. Your book Feeling Good: The Workbook helped me overcome a very dark period of depression after being diagnosed with infertility. It truly transformed my mental health, and I continue to rely on your techniques—especially your list of cognitive distortions, which I use often to stay grounded. Your podcast has also been a great resource for me, and I've noticed recent episodes touching on the self and spirituality, which caught my attention in a special way. I felt compelled to share something personal with you. While your methods gave me the tools to change my thinking, I also found solace and strength through my faith. Prayer was an essential part of my healing process, and for me, it provided something beyond my own power. In moments when I felt I couldn't make it through on my own, the belief that there is a God I can turn to brought me peace and comfort. Both your work and my faith were crucial in my journey. Your research and teachings helped me take control of my thoughts, but my relationship with God gave me hope when I needed it most. I believe that the combination of these two—your scientifically backed methods and the power of prayer—made a tremendous difference in my recovery. I'm also excited about your app, but as someone living in Honduras, I was unable to download it. I would love to know if there are plans to make it available outside the U.S. in the near future, as it would be an incredible resource for me and others in similar situations. Lastly, can I make a suggestion for a podcast subject?  Mother daughter issues. I really need help in this area of my life. Thank you for your dedication to helping others. I hope that sharing my experience offers some insight into how both your studies and faith in something greater can bring peace and healing. With gratitude, Maggie David's reply Thanks, and we'd love to read part of your beautiful note, with or without your correct first name, on a podcast. If you can give me a more specific example of the mother daughter issue you want help with, it would make it much easier to respond in a sensible way! Warmly, david Maggie responded Dear Dr. Burns, Thank you so much for your thoughtful response and for asking me to clarify my suggestion regarding mother-daughter issues. I deeply love my mother, and I know she means well, but our relationship has become increasingly challenging as she gets older. One of the major difficulties I face is her tendency to offer passive-aggressive criticism, which leaves me feeling undermined. I've always known her to be this way—she was never very affectionate, and I've gotten used to that. However, lately, it feels like it's getting worse. She's hard of hearing, even with a hearing aid, and often adopts a “my way or the highway” attitude, which makes conversations with her exhausting. Simple moments where I hope to share something exciting are often met with dismissive or critical remarks. Here are three examples of the kind of interactions that affect me: I recently purchased tickets for a trip to Australia with friends, and her response was to ridicule my choice, saying that Spain or Italy is a much more beautiful destination. I had just bought the tickets, and all I wanted was for her to share in my excitement. I sent her a picture of a new piece of art I was excited about, and her immediate reaction was, “I liked the other one better. That one doesn't match the color of the walls.” As I was about to leave for a party with my husband, she commented, “Don't you think you're wearing too much makeup?” These kinds of remarks constantly make me feel inadequate, and it's emotionally draining. As a result, I've found myself avoiding calling or visiting her. However, this leads to feelings of guilt, especially because I love my father very much, I enjoy his peaceful company and wise conversation and advice, and not visiting them also affects my relationship with him. What I struggle with most is that I know I might regret not spending enough time with her as she gets older, even though she isn't sick or dying. I just don't know how to manage the criticism without feeling constantly undermined, and I'd appreciate any advice you might offer on how to navigate this dynamic while preserving my sense of self-worth. Thank you again for your time and for the incredible impact your work has had on my life. With gratitude, Maggie David's reply I notice you're pointing the finger of blame at her. If you want to shift things, it can be helpful to examine your role. I'm attaching a copy of the Relationship Journal. Please do three of these, one for each example below. You already have half of Step 1—what, exactly, did she say. To complete Step 1, circle all the feelings you think she may have been feeling. Then complete Steps 2 and 3, which should be fairly easy. Then I can take a look, and we'll see what we can figure out, if you'd like. Also, this will not be therapy, but general teaching. LMK if that's okay. Best, david Here are the three examples she provided, along with how she responded to her mom: Three Maggie examples of interactions with her mother (Ask David podcast) #1 Mom said: Dear, I would never have thought of Australia as a destination. I would much rather fly to Italy or Spain, filled with culture, art, and great food. Sydney would be the LAST place I'd want to visit! I replied: Well, mom, we've already been to those places, and we love a great adventure, and we're really excited by the outdoors. #2 Just as we were about to leave, Mom said: “Don't you think you're wearing too much make up?” I replied: I probably am, I didn't notice (and rushed immediately to my room to remove it.) #3 I share a piece of art I brought home, and Mom said: “I liked the one you had before. It matched the walls much better than this one. Why did you change it? Who is the artist?” I replied: “Well, we have to like it because it's the only wall in the house where it will fit, so we're just going to have to live with it.” Simon asks: “How can we deal with patients who are afraid of their feelings?” Dear Dr. David Burns, Hi, my name is Simon and I'm a clinical psychologist from Chile, sorry if my English is kind of broken, it isn't my first language. First of all, I want to tell you how grateful I am for your great work and all the knowledge you give to the general public for free. Of course I also must praise the work of the entire team working at the podcast (which I am the biggest fan from my country). I hope one day I can be a certified team cbt therapist myself in the future, but that would be a different story. I think the world needs more people with such a love for mental health and I hope I can continue to listen to your content for more years to come. Today I wanted to ask you guys some questions related to feelings. I have applied some techniques to myself and my patients and it's really mind blowing noticing how effective they are. Nevertheless, I still have one patient who struggles with accepting or permitting himself to feel his feelings. He is grieving the loss of his father and he is very good convincing me that if he does feel his sadness or anxiety (as I suggested him), he may go crazy and commit suicide. He reports good empathy from me, but I'm afraid that he may be too nice to criticize me. So, I ask for your opinion: How can we deal with patients who are afraid of their feelings? How can we build a solid relationship with our patients regarding this subject so they can finally vent these feelings? Thank you all for all the hard work and have a great day! With Love, Simon David's answer Hi Simone, Thanks for your kind words, and may want to use your question on an Ask David. LMK if that's okay. Here's the quick answer. It sounds like venting feelings is your agenda. Nearly all therapeutic failure comes from well-intentioned therapists who try to “help” or “rescue” the patient. I get the best results working on the things my patients want help with. Rhonda has a free weekly group on Wednesdays at mid-morning, and I have a free weekly training group at Stanford on Tuesday evenings (5 to 7 PM California time.) You'd be welcome to join either. Best, david Amanda asks: “Help! I have a romantic relationship conflict! What should I do?” Hi Dr Burns! Firstly, I would like to thank you for your tremendous work and heart to help people who are suffering from depression & anxiety around the world. I found your book in 2021 through a YouTube video you did with Tom Bilyeu and the rest was history. I went down to our local bookstore to get Feeling Good and I was reading it everywhere I went. It saved my life and cured my anxiety! Every time I hit a roadblock, I will go back to the book and try the techniques. I also love the podcasts as they have been very helpful for me. Shoutout to Rhonda and Dr Matt May too! I currently face an issue and would like to submit it as a question for Ask David series. Please address me as Amanda. I am in a stable and committed relationship (for 8 years) but am facing issues with my boyfriend which causes resentment between us. Meanwhile, a friend pursued me despite knowing that I am in a relationship. He told me during a meetup that he felt attracted to me and asked if I will choose him if I am single. I was attracted to this guy as he is confident, funny and carefree, which are qualities that I desire and find lacking in myself. I like him but I know that he is not a good match for me because of his actions and behaviour. The actions seemed manipulative and reflected some narcissistic tendencies. At the start, he would text me frequently then the messages became short when I declined to meet up on a 1-1 basis with him as I want to protect my own relationship. He would drop me a short message every week, using intermittent reinforcement, to ask me how I am doing and then asked if we could meet up for a meal. Example 1: Guy-"Lunch?" Me-"Ok if it's with the group." Guy-"Ok." End of communication. Example 2: Guy-"How are you recently?" Me- "I am feeling better, thanks for checking in!" Guy- "Thumbs up emoji" End of conversation. If I initiate a meetup to run errands or for a meal, he would accept it readily. In a way, there is only communication and interaction when we meet up and I know this is not a healthy interaction or something that I want. Fast forward, I ignored him and he is in a relationship now but our dynamics remain the same. If I reached out to him for a meal, he would respond and behave in a caring way when we met. He offered to buy food for me when I was sick and find ways to continue to meet up. I feel that this guy is just trying to get me as it gives him an ego boost (and thrill) that I care for him even though I am in a committed relationship. In our last meetup recently, I made sure to record how I felt and noticed that the satisfaction level has gone down to about 60% as compared to  previously when I was eager to meet him. I would like to reduce it to 10% or even 0%. I also recorded my satisfaction level when I did things alone or with my boyfriend. I realized that my satisfaction/pleasure level is higher and more consistent when I do things that I set out to do on my own and there are times it is enhanced/lowered when I spend time with my boyfriend. Using the daily mood log, the upsetting event is: I will ignore this friend for a period of time then I will go back to the same communication and meetup with him. Then, I'm stuck in the same dynamic again. My negative thoughts are: I will never be able to get out of this. I am doomed. I have no power or control, he has all the power. People always take advantage of me because I'm weak. I am a loser because I keep going back. I will never be happy again since I cannot overcome this. Things will be as such. This chapter will leave a mark on my life and I will be miserable. I am a horrible person for allowing myself to fall for someone while being in a relationship. I have been re-reading the chapter in Feeling Good on love addiction and spending more time with myself to build a relationship with myself so that I can be happy alone. I am also using the cost benefit analysis to melt my own resistance so that I do not go back but I do not seem to be able to totally defeat the negative thoughts above. I hope to receive some guidance related to this on the podcast if possible. Thank you so much! Love, Amanda David's Reply Hi Amanda, Thanks so much. There are many paths forward, but one thing that might help would be to use the Decision Making Tool since you seem to be unclear on what you want to do. That might be a good first step, or next step. You can download it from the bottom of the home page of my website, feelinggood.com. I can understand your negative feelings and confusion and self-doubt, anxiety, discouragement, frustration. I'm just speculating. There are many ways to challenge your thoughts, but some good positive reframing might help before trying to  challenge them, so you could check out your goals for each negative emotion. Including a recent Daily Mood Log, in case you don't have one. All the best, david PS What you are doing all makes good sense, developing a relationship with yourself, doing a cba, etc., Kudos! In addition, the “25 things I'm looking for in an ideal mate” tool in Intimate Connections might also be helpful. Aaron asks: Why are feelings of depression and anxiety correlated? In other words, why do they frequently go hand in hand? Hi Dr. Burns, I am rereading When Panic Attacks, this has lead to a question. In the book you mention that one theory about why people have both anxiety and depression is that they "can't distinguish different kinds of emotions." Can you expand on this to help me better understand what this means? My interpretation now has me thinking that people are just saying they are depressed and anxious because they don't understand what each word for the emotions means. Thank you for your help, Aaron W. California---LMSW (Idaho)  David's reply David D. Burns, MD Sure, but that is not my thinking, just a common theory that of course deserves respectful consideration and testing. To me, depression is the feeling that accompanies loss, and anxiety is the feeling that accompanies the perception of imminent threat or danger. Beck put it like this: Anxiety is like clinging by your fingertips at the edge of a cliff, fearing you will fall at any moment. Depression, in contrast, is more like thinking you have already fallen, and you are at the bottom of the cliff, broken and injured beyond repair. Here are a couple other things that might interest you. When people are depressed, they will also report feelings of anxiety nearly 100% of the time. However, when they are anxious, they will only report feelings of depression about half the time. This is because you can have some type of anxiety, like a phobia such as the fear of heights, or elevators, or flying, but not feel depressed about it. And here is one more tidbit. My research on the beta test data from our Feeling Great App indicates that all seven negative feelings we measure are strongly correlated and go up or down together, which was quite unexpected. The statistical models that simulate the data provide strong evidence for an unknown “Common Cause” that activates all negative emotions simultaneously. We are trying to figure out what that Common Cause might be. It is a bit like “Dark Matter.” Scientists have proven it's existence, but don't yet know what it is. And this unknown Dark Matter represents 95% of the matter in the universe. The statistical models also provide strong evidence that the Feeling Great App helps people because of its strong causal impact on this unknown “Common Cause.” Would love to include this an Ask David in a podcast. Would it be okay? Warmly, david Aaron replies Hi Dr. Burns, I would be honored if you used my question in your podcast. Please let me know when that podcast is posted! I would love to watch it. In the email you sent, are you saying that one theory is that people just cannot accurately define what they are feeling? David replies again Yes, that is one theory, and I have seen that some people, including therapists, have trouble recognizing the names of feelings that their patients are having, based on what the patient says, and also they sometimes have trouble knowing how they are feeling, using “I Feel” Statements. This is, I think, part of what has been called “Emotional Intelligence.” And, just like any skill or talent, there is a great deal of individual difference in “Emotional Intelligence,” and likely some cultural differences as well. I have heard that up until recently, the Chinese did have a word for “depression,” but when a person was appearing depressed, they were kept indoors out of a sense of shame. Thanks! david

Ask David: Getting Off Benzos How Does Music Stir Our Emotions? Combatting Negative Thoughts about the World Treating Schizophrenia with TEAM The Four Feared Fantasy Techniques and more! Questions for today: Mamunur asks: What's the best way to withdraw from benzodiazepines? Gray asks: How does music evoke such powerful emotional reactions? Josh thanks David for techniques that have helped in his personal and professional life. Harold asks: How do you respond to negative thoughts about the world, as opposed to self-criticisms? For example, “The world is filled with so little joy and so much suffering.” Moritz asks: How do you help people with bipolar, schizophrenia, etc.? John expresses gratitude for our answer to his question on Positive Reframing, which triggered an “ah ha moment.” Rhonda asks: What are the four Feared Fantasy Techniques? The answers below were written prior to the podcast. Listen to the podcast for the dialogue among Rhonda, Matt, and David, as much more emerges from the discussions! Mamunur asks: What's the best way to withdraw from benzodiazepines? Ask David, Bangladesh question Dear Sir, I am writing to you from Bangladesh. Your book Feeling Good is a phenomenal work, and it has greatly helped in promoting the development of a healthy mind through logic and reason. Sir, I have a question regarding benzodiazepine withdrawal, which is often prescribed for mental health disorders. Is there a specific CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) approach that can help in withdrawing from benzodiazepines? Your guidance on this would be invaluable, as many people have been taking it for years, either knowingly or unknowingly, without being fully aware of its severe withdrawal effects. Thank you, sir, for your kind contributions to humanity. Sincerely, Mamunur Rahman Senior Lecturer David's reply Dear Mamunur, Thank you for your important question! I am so glad you like my book, Feeling Good, and appreciate your kind comments! As a general rule, slow taper off of benzodiazepines is recommended. This might involve slowly decreasing the dose over a period of several weeks. When I was younger I used to take 0.25 mg of Xanax for sleep, because it was initially promoted as being non-addictive, which was wrong. It is highly addictive. The dose I used was the smallest dose. When I realized that I was “hooked,” I tapered off of it over about a week, and simply put up with the side effects of withdrawal, primarily an increase of anxiety and difficulty sleeping. These disappeared after several weeks. Abrupt withdrawal from high doses of any benzodiazepine can trigger seizures, as I'm sure you know. That is the biggest danger, perhaps. I do recall a published study from years ago conducted at Harvard, I believe at McClean Hospital. The divided two groups of people hooked on Xanax into two groups. Both groups were switched to Klonopin which has a longer “half-life” in the blood and is supposedly a bit easier to withdraw from than Xanax, which goes out of the blood rapidly, causing more sudden and intense withdrawal effects. After this initial phase, both groups continued with slowly tapering off the Klonopin under the guidance of medical experts. However, one of the groups also attended weekly cognitive therapy groups, learning about how to combat the distorted thoughts that trigger negative feelings like anxiety and depression. My memory of the study is that the group receiving cognitive therapy plus drug management did much better. As I recall, 80% of them were able to withdraw successfully. However, the group receiving drug management alone did poorly, with only about 20% achieving withdrawal. My memory of the details may be somewhat faulty, but the main conclusion was clear that the support of the group cognitive therapy greatly enhanced the success of withdrawal from benzodiazepines. I decided early in my career not to prescribe benzodiazepines like Ativan, Valium, Librium, Xanax, and Klonopin for depression or anxiety, because the drug-free methods I and others have developed are very powerful, and the use of benzos can actually make the outcomes worse. Years back, a research colleague from Canada, Henny Westra, PhD, reviewed the world literature on treatment of anxiety with CBT plus benzos and concluded that the benzos did not enhance outcomes. Here is the link: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12214810/. I hope this information is useful and I will include this in a future Feeling Good Podcast.   Gray asks: How does music evoke such powerful emotional reactions? Subject: Re: Podcast question: love songs Hi David, That's a really tough question. Music has a unique way of cutting straight to emotions for me, and it makes it especially hard to identify the thoughts behind them. My best way of explaining is with these two thoughts, which have to be viewed as a pair to get that emotional reaction: My life would be perfect if I had that I'm so far away from that These thoughts don't resonate quite right for me, but it's something like that, going from imagining bliss to crashing to hopelessness within the space of a moment. Thank you so much for your response. Gray David's reply You're right. Music can be so beautiful, especially of course, the songs we love, that it is magical and emotional to listen to! It seems more like a sensory experience, than something mediated by thoughts, but we certainly have perceptions of beauty, etc. Similar with some incredibly delicious food. Creates incredible delight and satisfaction, and no words are necessary other than “delicious!” Sorry I can't give you a better answer to your outstanding question! Best, david   Josh thanks David for techniques that have helped in his personal and professional life. Dear Dr. Burns, I am sure you are swamped with substantive emails and fan mail, but I just wanted to express appreciation to you for all I have gained from your publicly available content. I have learned so much that I have applied in my personal life. I have also benefited tremendously in my work with clients. So much of what you say about anxiety, and especially the hidden emotion technique, has allowed clients to have in almost every session an aha moment. I have not yet been able to see a complete removal of symptoms in one session yet, but as a therapist, I too have many skills yet to improve and much work to do. So, in short, thank you so much for making your experience and wisdom available for free, and thank you for doing it in such an engaging manner. Sincerely, Josh Farkas   David's Reply Thanks, Josh. You are welcome to join our weekly virtual free training group I offer as part of my volunteer work for Stanford, if interested. For more complete change within sessions, a double session (two hours) in my experience is vastly more effective. Is it okay to read your kind note on a podcast? Warmly, david   Harold asks: How do you respond to negative thoughts about the world, as opposed to self-criticisms? For example, “The world is filled with so little joy and so much suffering.” Dear Dr. Burns, First of all, I would like to thank you for all your work and your outreach. Your books have profoundly influenced my thinking and value system. I really admire how you exemplify both scientific rigor and human warmth. Finally, I want to thank you for promoting the idea of “Rejection Practice! I haven't had a breakthrough yet, but some unexpected, very encouraging experiences. I first came across Feeling Good 12 years ago when I developed moderate depression in the context of living with my ex-partner, who probably had borderline personality disorder. I tried the techniques in Feeling Good and also psychotherapy, but unfortunately without much success. I only started feeling a lot better when I began to rebuild my social life and leisure time activities (ballroom dancing, getting involved with a church, ...). Several months later, I also broke up with my ex-girlfriend. Since then, I've had ongoing mild depression. I recently tried the techniques in Feeling Great but wanted to ask you for your opinion on a couple of negative thoughts I'm particularly stuck with. My issue is that I'm normally not attacking myself, but life in general. I keep on telling myself things like "Life is just one crisis after the other," "Life is for the lucky ones," "Really good things just don't want to happen," "Life is so much suffering and so little joy," and the depression itself makes these statements all the more convincing. (Triggering events can be rainy holidays, romantic rejections, grant interview rejections, etc.) I think it could be helpful if in a podcast you could give more examples on resolving negative thoughts attacking life / the world rather than oneself. I also have many more questions for podcasts if you are interested. Thank you for reading this, and thank you so much again for all your work! With very best wishes, Harold   David's Reply Happy to address this on an Ask David, and it would help if you could let me know what negative feelings you have, and how strong they are. I will be answer in a general way, and not engaging you in therapy, which cannot be done in this context. Is that okay? I'm attaching a Daily Mood Log to help organize your thoughts and feelings. Send it back if you can with the Event, Negative Feelings and % Now columns filled out (0-100), and Negative thoughts and belief in each (0-100). You can also fill in the distortion column using abbreviations, like AON for All-or-Nothing, SH for Should Statement or Hidden Should, MF for Mental filtering, DP for Discounting the Positives, and so forth. Thanks! If you were in a session with me, or if we were just friends talking, I would reply to your complaints with the Disarming Technique, Thought and Feeling Empathy, “I Feel” Statements, Stroking, and Inquiry, like this: Harold: “Life is so much suffering and so little joy." David: “I'm sad to hear you say that, but you're right. There's an enormous amount of suffering in the world, like the horrible wars in Ukraine and in the Mid-East. (I feel; Disarming Technique) It makes sense that you'd be upset, and have all kinds of feelings, even anger since there's so much cruelty, too. (Feeling Empathy) And even people who appear positive and joyful often have inner sadness and loneliness that they are hiding. (Disarming Technique) Your comment tells me a great deal about your core values on honesty and compassion for others. (Stroking) Can you tell me more about the suffering that you've seen that has saddened you the most, and how you feel inside? (Inquiry) But I'm mainly interested in you right now. Can you tell me more about YOUR suffering, and especially if there's some problem you might want some help with? (Inquiry; Changing the Focus) I would continue this strategy until you gave me an A on Empathy, and then I would go on to the A of TEAM (Assessing Resistance), and ask what kind of help, if any, you'd be look for in today's session. I might also use a paradox, like the Acid Test. If you wanted to reduce some of your negative feelings, I might try a variety of techniques, such as “How Many Minutes?” I'd also think about the Hidden Emotion Technique. Is there some problem in your life right now that you're not dealing with, so you instead obsess about the problems in the world to distract yourself? I would continue this strategy until you gave me an A on Empathy, and then I would go on to the A of TEAM (Assessing Resistance), and ask what kind of help, if any, you'd be look for in today's session. I might also use a paradox, like the Acid Test. If you wanted to reduce some of your negative feelings, I might try a variety of techniques, such as “How Many Minutes?” I'd also think about the Hidden Emotion Technique. Is there some problem in your life right now that you're not dealing with, so you instead obsess about the problems in the world to distract yourself? I ask this because your negative thoughts are very general, but I always focus only on specifics, specific problems and moments. What's has been going on with your parents or in the past or present that you are distressed about? I've found that when I (or my patients) solve one specific problem that's bugging me, everything seems to suddenly brighten up. For example, you wrote : “I asked someone out I like; she surprisingly said yes. After 10 days of not hearing from her, I messaged her, . . . “ I wrote a book about dating, Intimate Connections, because I was a nurd and had a lot to learn about dating. One idea is that waiting 10 days might not be a good idea to arrange the specifics of the date, as that might make her feel uneasy. There's a lot to learn about dating, for example. A tool like the Pleasure Predicting Sheet can sometimes help, too. And finally, a good therapist can also often speed things up. Sometimes two heads are better than one. You seem extremely smart and willing to work hard, so there's all kinds of room for growth, learning, and greater joy. The Feeling Great App is NOT therapy, but the tools there might also be helpful, especially since you are willing to work hard a do a lot. That's super important. Can I use this email in my reply in the show notes if we discuss your excellent questions? And should I change your name to Harold? Warmly, david Best, david     Moritz asks: How do you help people with bipolar, schizophrenia, etc.? Hi David, You have mentioned a few times that there are only a handful of "real" psychological disorders with known causes, as opposed to just a collection of symptoms. Could you please tell a bit about how you would go about helping somebody with one of the "real" disorders (like Schizophrenia or Bipolar) using TEAM therapy? Most of the episodes with personal work seem to fall into the other category (anxiety, depression, compulsive behavior), so I'd be really curious about some examples. Best regards, Moritz Lenz   David's Reply Hi Moritz, Thanks! Good question, and happy to address this on an Ask David. Here's the answer in a nutshell. When working with someone with schizophrenia, the goal is to help them develop greater happiness and interpersonal functioning, exactly the same as with anyone else, using TEAM. The goal is not to cure schizophrenia, because we still do not know the cause and there is no cure. But we can help individuals with schizophrenia with problems that they are having. Bipolar: in the manic phase, usually strong meds are indicated, and often at least one hospitalization. For the rest of their lives, including depression, TEAM works great. Can add more in the podcast. Best, david   John expresses gratitude for answer his question on Positive Reframing, which triggered an “ah ha moment.” Hi David and Rhonda! I have listened to Episode 415 and your response to my positive reframing question! I had a bit of a aha moment! I think I had been approaching it in the cheerleading sense and trying to encourage myself with these positive qualities rather than attaching the positives to the negative thoughts and feelings themselves! This has created a much stronger emotional response during the positive reframing section! The building up of the negative thoughts and feelings is a gamechanger! Thanks so much for the time and attention given to it during the podcast. Thanks so much again, I appreciate you folks way more than you could know! John David's Reply Thanks, Rhonda and John. Yes, you've pointed out a huge error many people make when trying to grasp positive reframing. If it is okay, we can include your comment in a future podcast. Warmly, david   Rhonda asks about the four Feared Fantasy Techniques: David's Reply Here are the four Feared Fantasy Techniques Approval Addiction / Perceived Perfectionism: “I judge you.” Achievement Addiction: “High School Reunion.” Love Addiction: Rejection Feared Fantasy Submissiveness: No Practice There are quite a number of additional role plays, too, as you know. Maybe a question about all the role plays, bc we all have: Self-Critical Thoughts: Paradoxical and Straightforward Double Standard Externalization of Voices Uncovering Techniques Man from Mars Tempting Thoughts Devil's Advocate Technique Tic-Tok Technique Resistance Externalization of Resistance How Many Minutes? Five Secrets / Relationship Conflict Intimacy Exercise One Minute-Drill I'll bet you can think of more, too! This is one of the unique features of TEAM, but for whatever reason it seems like few therapists use them. As you know, on average they tend to be way more potent and emotional, and of course fast impact. Warmly, david

Special Announcement #1 Attend the Legendary Summer Intensive Featuring Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt August 8 - 11. 2024 Learn Advanced TEAM-CBT skills Heal yourself, heal your patients First Intensive in 5 years! It will knock your socks off! Limited Seating--Act Fast Click for registration / more information! Sadly, this workshop is a training program which will be limited to therapists and mental health professionals and graduate students in a mental health field  Apologies, but therapists have complained when non-therapists have attended our continuing education training programs. This is partly because of the intimate nature of the small group exercises and the personal work the therapists may do during the workshop. Certified coaches and counselors are welcome to attend. Special Announcement #2 Here's some GREAT news! The Feeling Great App is now available in both app stores (IOS and Android) and is for therapists and the general public, and you can take a ride for free! Check it Today's Ask David Podcast We have lots of great questions today. The answers in the show notes were written prior to the podcast, and the answers in the live podcast as we discussed these questions may differ somewhat or amplify the written materials in these show notes. We love your questions. Remember to send them to David@feelinggood.com. Ask David Questions for Today Bosley asks: My father can be very critical of my plans for the future. What's the best way to respond to him? Willie asks: I have a dating questions. Why do women keep ghosting me? Should they be more willing to work out differences with the Five Secrets of Communication? 1. Bosley asks: My father can be very critical of my plans for the future. What's the best way to respond to him? "To explain somewhat concisely, I just want to move to the nearest major city (Seattle) since I feel really really happy there. I also love volunteering for a specific organization and have some community there that I care about, and I feel very isolated having been away from for months. I'm willing to carry the load of all the work I would need to do to make it happen, and do a business training my dad wants me to complete. He has other thoughts. He looks down on volunteering and his thoughts on friends are simply that I can make new ones anyway. He is very aggressive and intimidating in his arguments, full of insults and many factually incorrect statements that are difficult to disarm on the fly. He shoots down the idea upon mention, so it's difficult to collaborate to find mutually beneficial solutions. He is a successful businessman, despite recent financial issues, and has a sort of strict plan for me that he has wanted me to follow, although I really don't feel this conflicts with his goals to have me run things in the future. I'm just worried since he has a long past of being emotionally abusive and of going back on his word. Plus, I just want some autonomy. In the end, it's his way or the highway. He says “You keep scheming and going down a twisted path instead of doing what I tell you.” David's reply I suggested he might complete the first four steps of the Relationship Journal so we could see how he's communicating with his dad. Here is Bosley's partially partially completed Relationship Journal (showing steps 1 to 4, but not 5.)   Step 1 – S/he said: Write down exactly what the other person said. Be brief: You keep scheming and going down a twisted path instead of doing what I tell you! Step 2 – I said: Write down exactly what you said next. Be brief: What? Circle or bold the emotions S/HE might have been feeling Circle or bold the emotions YOU were feeling Sad, blue, depressed, down, unhappy Sad, blue, depressed, down, unhappy Anxious, worried, panicky, nervous, frightened Anxious, worried, panicky, nervous, frightened Guilty, remorseful, bad, ashamed Guilty, remorseful, bad, ashamed Inferior, worthless, inadequate, defective, incompetent Inferior, worthless, inadequate, defective, incompetent Lonely, unloved, unwanted, rejected, alone, abandoned Lonely, unloved, unwanted, rejected, alone, abandoned Embarrassed, foolish, humiliated, self-conscious Embarrassed, foolish, humiliated, self-conscious Hopeless, discouraged, pessimistic, despairing Hopeless, discouraged, pessimistic, despairing Frustrated, stuck, thwarted, defeated Frustrated, stuck, thwarted, defeated Angry, mad, resentful, annoyed, irritated, upset, furious Angry, mad, resentful, annoyed, irritated, upset, furious Other (specify) Other (specify)   Step 3 – Good Vs. Bad Communication: Was your response an example of good or bad communication? Use the EAR Checklist to analyze what you wrote down in Step 2 Step 4 – Consequences: Did your response in Step 2 make the problem better or worse? Why? It probably made things worse. I came off dismissive, which probably confirmed for him that I automatically ignored any advice or direction that he gave me. I wasn't assertive in fear of escalating anger or just being shut down anyway, but that also maintains the status quo. I didn't, and typically don't, show a caring respectful attitude. This, I think, allows his anger to continue snowballing into more intensity. 2. Willie asks why women he's dating “ghost” him instead of working out the problems in the relationship using the techniques in your book, Feeling Good Together. Good morning, Dr. Burns! I hope you are doing well! I want to start off by saying that I love your books and they've played a massive role in changing my personality for the better. However, there is a question I struggle with. In feeling good together, you say that one can keep status quo, solve their problem, or walk away from a relationship. I lean very strongly on the side of always wanting to solve problems. However, at my age, most of girls I date err on the side of just walking away and this opens me up for unnecessary headache and pain. I don't know where to draw the line? My heart says that any two reasonable adults can always make a relationship work given that at least one wants to make things better and, unfortunately, this does not seem to be the case in my experiences. Your insight would be greatly appreciated! Thank you for taking the time! Best Regards, Willie David's reply Thank you, Willie, I'd love to use this as an Ask David question for one of the podcasts, if that's okay, using your first name or a fake name if you prefer. Here's the super short answer. I wrote a book on that exact topic called Intimate Connections. Essentially you probably need to learn a little more about how to “play the game” when dating. You'll see what this means when you read the book. Warmly, david Willie's Response: Good morning, Dr. Burns! Frankly, I was not expecting a response at all, much less as quick as it was. For this, I truly want to thank you for taking the time to do so. Secondly, it will be my honor if you do bring it up to your podcast. Please don't use my first name - I'd prefer staying anonymous. Please do let me know which podcast this will be so I can give it a listen as well. Lastly, thank you so much for referring me to your book. That will be my next read so I am super excited. If you have any other books which you believe are worth reading which will be beneficial in the dating world, corporate world, etc., please point me to those. I absolutely love your books and their effects on me have been immeasurable. Thank you! Willie I wrote back and suggested we could use the fake name Willie, as he wanted to remain anonymous, and he responded: Now that you say, Willie is definitely sexier! Question: when are you planning on doing the next episode with this question in it? I wouldn't want to miss it.   Here was my response to “Willie.” We'll just read your question, and then provide opinions. My career in private practice has a majority of single individuals who were trying unsuccessfully to connect in the dating world. That's why I wrote that book, which is intensely personal as I was the biggest loser of all for a long time because I was a minister's son and never learned how to “play the game” or be a “bad boy.” But I learned from a friend who was a “hustler” when I was in medical school. I learned a tremendous amount, including that there is a game-playing phase in dating, and a time to be more serious, open and vulnerable. The biggest mistake men make is trying to get too serious when they should be playing the game. What's the game? Well, you'd know if you ever had or loved a cat. If you chase them enthusiastically, you force them to run away. You have to learn how to make them chase you. Many men are stubborn about this, and lamely insist, “But I shouldn't have to play the game!” My answer would be, “You don't! Especially if you don't want to get laid and have lots of ladies chasing you!” Warmly, david Willie's response This is extremely valuable to me. I never knew that you come from a religious background and I do too so I do want to ask you some more questions / share my experience. One pattern I am noticing is that either Muslim ladies have a lot of religious trauma or they have very strict conservative values - usually a combination of both. In the modern world, I try using dating apps and might get matched with someone 2-3 states away so usually we would hop on a FaceTime and the topic of religion almost always comes up. And, due to differing opinions, they just walk away which deeply upsets me because they make the false assumption that humans are snapshots in time i.e., opinions / perspectives don't change. In fact, a personal experience I would like to share with you. I was in a relationship for 1.5 yrs (long distance) and it just ended 1-2 months ago. Our intention was always to get married. However, a few weeks before breaking up with me, she basically said "oh you don't pray and I cannot even imagine my future husband not praying etc etc" and she ended things with me on that. I even tried using the 5 methods of effective communication to acknowledge and validate her opinions while simultaneously sharing mine but she was dead set and did not even want to think about working on problems. How could I "play the game" in such instances or over long distances?   David's response Hi Willie, The principles of dating are the same in all cultures for the most part, and one rule is “Never chase a distancer.” So, when she switches to religion, you could use the listen skills subset of the Five Secrets, and buy in to what she's saying, WITHOUT arguing or presenting your own thinking. You can admire her, urge her to tell you more about her religious feelings and spiritual life, using liberal Thought and Feeling Empathy, and lots of Disarming Techniques, and Stroking, with Gentle Inquiry. You would NOT chase, or try to persuade, or argue, or defend yourself. Be totally admiring and other-centered at those times. If she says she wants to break up, you might say that you've been sensing some distance, and are relieved that she is doing that, because you, too, would like to date other women, but that the two of you can still be friends if she promises not to get romantically involved with you, and that you will be on the lookout for some really great guys she might want to date. This is a paradoxical approach, and it is an art form. And I can also tell you to date other women immediately, and the moment you find one you like better than her, she will find out, even if no one tells her, and she will likely want you back again. That's because of the Burns rule, which states: “People NEVER want what they CAN have; they ONLY want they CAN'T have!” Now, if you tell me this approach is phony, I would tell you that you're 200% right! And it's not only incredibly phony, it's amazingly effective! And a kinder word that “phony” might be to say that when someone starts pulling away, you have to switch into this style and strategic approach, and stop trying to be loving and sincere or logical, etc. Do NOT chase, simply open your hands and let go. It's the exact same strategy you might use to get close to a cat! Best, david Hi Willie, If you'd like, you can send me an example of what one of the Muslim ladies said to you, and exactly what you said next. Please select an interaction that didn't go well. Then I can analyze your response and suggest some alternative ways to respond in a dating situation. In fact, if you like, you can record it on the Relationship Journal that I've attached. Please fill in steps 1 through 4. Please do this right away as we record tomorrow. Best, david   Hi Dr. Burns, I cannot even tell you how much these emails are already changing my outlook. I truly want to thank you for taking the time and responding to these. One thing that caught my eye is the paradoxical approach. I never thought about it. In my mind, I feel you should work on relationships / never let go but if letting go is working on it, then that is something I really need to do. I am attaching two copies of the Relationship journal. One dealing with the topic of drugs and one with prayer. One thing I will tell you is that I usually bring these topics up myself because, in my mind, I don't want to deceive anyone and get these big topics out of the way as early on as I can and I think I am making a mistake somewhere here. Thank you, again, for taking the time and responding to these emails! Looking forward to what you think about the topics of conflict I have been having! Best Willie

Special Announcement #1 Attend the Legendary Summer Intensive Featuring Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt August 8 - 11. 2024 Learn Advanced TEAM-CBT skills Heal yourself, heal your patients First Intensive in 5 years! It will knock your socks off! Limited Seating--Act Fast Click for registration / more information! Sadly, this workshop is a training program which will be limited to therapists and mental health professionals and graduate students in a mental health field  Apologies, but therapists have complained when non-therapists have attended our continuing education training programs. This is partly because of the intimate nature of the small group exercises and the personal work the therapists may do during the workshop. Certified coaches and counselors are welcome to attend. Special Announcement #2 Here's some GREAT news! The Feeling Great App is now available in both app stores (IOS and Android) and is for therapists and the general public, and you can take a ride for free! Check it Today's Ask David Podcast We have lots of great questions today. The answers in the show notes were written prior to the podcast, and the answers in the live podcast as we discussed these questions may differ somewhat or amplify the written materials in these show notes. We love your questions. Remember to send them to David@feelinggood.com. Ask David Questions for Today Bosley asks: My father can be very critical of my plans for the future. What's the best way to respond to him? Willie asks: I have a dating questions. Why do women keep ghosting me? Should they be more willing to work out differences with the Five Secrets of Communication? Marc asks: In your book, When Panic Attacks, you mentioned that sometimes people feel “trapped.” What should you do when you're struggling with this feeling?   1. Bosley asks: My father can be very critical of my plans for the future. What's the best way to respond to him? "To explain somewhat concisely, I just want to move to the nearest major city (Seattle) since I feel really really happy there. I also love volunteering for a specific organization and have some community there that I care about, and I feel very isolated having been away from for months. I'm willing to carry the load of all the work I would need to do to make it happen, and do a business training my dad wants me to complete. He has other thoughts. He looks down on volunteering and his thoughts on friends are simply that I can make new ones anyway. He is very aggressive and intimidating in his arguments, full of insults and many factually incorrect statements that are difficult to disarm on the fly. He shoots down the idea upon mention, so it's difficult to collaborate to find mutually beneficial solutions. He is a successful businessman, despite recent financial issues, and has a sort of strict plan for me that he has wanted me to follow, although I really don't feel this conflicts with his goals to have me run things in the future. I'm just worried since he has a long past of being emotionally abusive and of going back on his word. Plus, I just want some autonomy. In the end, it's his way or the highway. He says “You keep scheming and going down a twisted path instead of doing what I tell you.” David's reply I suggested he might complete the first four steps of the Relationship Journal so we could see how he's communicating with his dad. Here is Bosley's partially partially completed Relationship Journal (showing steps 1 to 4, but not 5.)   Step 1 – S/he said: Write down exactly what the other person said. Be brief: You keep scheming and going down a twisted path instead of doing what I tell you! Step 2 – I said: Write down exactly what you said next. Be brief: What? Circle or bold the emotions S/HE might have been feeling Circle or bold the emotions YOU were feeling Sad, blue, depressed, down, unhappy Sad, blue, depressed, down, unhappy Anxious, worried, panicky, nervous, frightened Anxious, worried, panicky, nervous, frightened Guilty, remorseful, bad, ashamed Guilty, remorseful, bad, ashamed Inferior, worthless, inadequate, defective, incompetent Inferior, worthless, inadequate, defective, incompetent Lonely, unloved, unwanted, rejected, alone, abandoned Lonely, unloved, unwanted, rejected, alone, abandoned Embarrassed, foolish, humiliated, self-conscious Embarrassed, foolish, humiliated, self-conscious Hopeless, discouraged, pessimistic, despairing Hopeless, discouraged, pessimistic, despairing Frustrated, stuck, thwarted, defeated Frustrated, stuck, thwarted, defeated Angry, mad, resentful, annoyed, irritated, upset, furious Angry, mad, resentful, annoyed, irritated, upset, furious Other (specify) Other (specify)   Step 3 – Good Vs. Bad Communication: Was your response an example of good or bad communication? Use the EAR Checklist to analyze what you wrote down in Step 2 Step 4 – Consequences: Did your response in Step 2 make the problem better or worse? Why? It probably made things worse. I came off dismissive, which probably confirmed for him that I automatically ignored any advice or direction that he gave me. I wasn't assertive in fear of escalating anger or just being shut down anyway, but that also maintains the status quo. I didn't, and typically don't, show a caring respectful attitude. This, I think, allows his anger to continue snowballing into more intensity. 2. Willie asks why women he's dating “ghost” him instead of working out the problems in the relationship using the techniques in your book, Feeling Good Together. Good morning, Dr. Burns! I hope you are doing well! I want to start off by saying that I love your books and they've played a massive role in changing my personality for the better. However, there is a question I struggle with. In feeling good together, you say that one can keep status quo, solve their problem, or walk away from a relationship. I lean very strongly on the side of always wanting to solve problems. However, at my age, most of girls I date err on the side of just walking away and this opens me up for unnecessary headache and pain. I don't know where to draw the line? My heart says that any two reasonable adults can always make a relationship work given that at least one wants to make things better and, unfortunately, this does not seem to be the case in my experiences. Your insight would be greatly appreciated! Thank you for taking the time! Best Regards, Willie David's reply Thank you, Willie, I'd love to use this as an Ask David question for one of the podcasts, if that's okay, using your first name or a fake name if you prefer. Here's the super short answer. I wrote a book on that exact topic called Intimate Connections. Essentially you probably need to learn a little more about how to “play the game” when dating. You'll see what this means when you read the book. Warmly, david Willie's Response: Good morning, Dr. Burns! Frankly, I was not expecting a response at all, much less as quick as it was. For this, I truly want to thank you for taking the time to do so. Secondly, it will be my honor if you do bring it up to your podcast. Please don't use my first name - I'd prefer staying anonymous. Please do let me know which podcast this will be so I can give it a listen as well. Lastly, thank you so much for referring me to your book. That will be my next read so I am super excited. If you have any other books which you believe are worth reading which will be beneficial in the dating world, corporate world, etc., please point me to those. I absolutely love your books and their effects on me have been immeasurable. Thank you! Willie I wrote back and suggested we could use the fake name Willie, as he wanted to remain anonymous, and he responded: Now that you say, Willie is definitely sexier! Question: when are you planning on doing the next episode with this question in it? I wouldn't want to miss it.   Here was my response to “Willie.” We'll just read your question, and then provide opinions. My career in private practice has a majority of single individuals who were trying unsuccessfully to connect in the dating world. That's why I wrote that book, which is intensely personal as I was the biggest loser of all for a long time because I was a minister's son and never learned how to “play the game” or be a “bad boy.” But I learned from a friend who was a “hustler” when I was in medical school. I learned a tremendous amount, including that there is a game-playing phase in dating, and a time to be more serious, open and vulnerable. The biggest mistake men make is trying to get too serious when they should be playing the game. What's the game? Well, you'd know if you ever had or loved a cat. If you chase them enthusiastically, you force them to run away. You have to learn how to make them chase you. Many men are stubborn about this, and lamely insist, “But I shouldn't have to play the game!” My answer would be, “You don't! Especially if you don't want to get laid and have lots of ladies chasing you!” Warmly, david   Willie's response This is extremely valuable to me. I never knew that you come from a religious background and I do too so I do want to ask you some more questions / share my experience. One pattern I am noticing is that either Muslim ladies have a lot of religious trauma or they have very strict conservative values - usually a combination of both. In the modern world, I try using dating apps and might get matched with someone 2-3 states away so usually we would hop on a FaceTime and the topic of religion almost always comes up. And, due to differing opinions, they just walk away which deeply upsets me because they make the false assumption that humans are snapshots in time i.e., opinions / perspectives don't change. In fact, a personal experience I would like to share with you. I was in a relationship for 1.5 yrs (long distance) and it just ended 1-2 months ago. Our intention was always to get married. However, a few weeks before breaking up with me, she basically said "oh you don't pray and I cannot even imagine my future husband not praying etc etc" and she ended things with me on that. I even tried using the 5 methods of effective communication to acknowledge and validate her opinions while simultaneously sharing mine but she was dead set and did not even want to think about working on problems. How could I "play the game" in such instances or over long distances?   David's response Hi Willie, The principles of dating are the same in all cultures for the most part, and one rule is “Never chase a distancer.” So, when she switches to religion, you could use the listen skills subset of the Five Secrets, and buy in to what she's saying, WITHOUT arguing or presenting your own thinking. You can admire her, urge her to tell you more about her religious feelings and spiritual life, using liberal Thought and Feeling Empathy, and lots of Disarming Techniques, and Stroking, with Gentle Inquiry. You would NOT chase, or try to persuade, or argue, or defend yourself. Be totally admiring and other-centered at those times. If she says she wants to break up, you might say that you've been sensing some distance, and are relieved that she is doing that, because you, too, would like to date other women, but that the two of you can still be friends if she promises not to get romantically involved with you, and that you will be on the lookout for some really great guys she might want to date. This is a paradoxical approach, and it is an art form. And I can also tell you to date other women immediately, and the moment you find one you like better than her, she will find out, even if no one tells her, and she will likely want you back again. That's because of the Burns rule, which states: “People NEVER want what they CAN have; they ONLY want they CAN'T have!” Now, if you tell me this approach is phony, I would tell you that you're 200% right! And it's not only incredibly phony, it's amazingly effective! And a kinder word that “phony” might be to say that when someone starts pulling away, you have to switch into this style and strategic approach, and stop trying to be loving and sincere or logical, etc. Do NOT chase, simply open your hands and let go. It's the exact same strategy you might use to get close to a cat! Best, david Hi Willie, If you'd like, you can send me an example of what one of the Muslim ladies said to you, and exactly what you said next. Please select an interaction that didn't go well. Then I can analyze your response and suggest some alternative ways to respond in a dating situation. In fact, if you like, you can record it on the Relationship Journal that I've attached. Please fill in steps 1 through 4. Please do this right away as we record tomorrow. Best, david   Hi Dr. Burns, I cannot even tell you how much these emails are already changing my outlook. I truly want to thank you for taking the time and responding to these. One thing that caught my eye is the paradoxical approach. I never thought about it. In my mind, I feel you should work on relationships / never let go but if letting go is working on it, then that is something I really need to do. I am attaching two copies of the Relationship journal. One dealing with the topic of drugs and one with prayer. One thing I will tell you is that I usually bring these topics up myself because, in my mind, I don't want to deceive anyone and get these big topics out of the way as early on as I can and I think I am making a mistake somewhere here. Thank you, again, for taking the time and responding to these emails! Looking forward to what you think about the topics of conflict I have been having! Best Willie

In this episode, I delve into a poignant encounter during a recent dance experience that offered me a profound perspective shift regarding my sons. Reflecting on the adage "walk in someone else's shoes," I found myself deeply connecting with a young man, prompting a newfound understanding of my own boys. It's challenging to articulate the depth of emotion I experienced, but it undeniably altered my perception of my own adult children.

On the surface, Bill is your everyday blue collar man. But a back-breaking injury led him down the unexpected path of sexual enlightenment. Bill takes us along on his journey from discovering Kundalini rising to being catapulted into a world where the lines between pleasure, pain, and awakening are blurred, challenging everything we think we know about male sexuality, pleasure, and the power of self acceptance.Show Notes:Introduction to Bill's Journey [00:00:00]: Bill discusses societal misconceptions about anal pleasure among heterosexual cis men, setting the stage for an exploration of sexual boundaries and pleasure.Challenges of Male Sexual Exploration [00:00:15]: Michelle touches on the cultural silence around male sexual preferences, especially regarding anal stimulation, outside of locker room talk.Bill's Early Conversations on Sexuality [00:00:26]: An anecdote from Bill illustrates the difficulty of discussing sexual experimentation among friends due to societal taboos.Kundalini Rising: A Catalyst for Change [00:00:34]: Bill's 12-year journey of sexual awakening through Kundalini Rising is introduced, marking a significant shift in his worldview on sexual communication.Discovering New Forms of Orgasm [00:00:50]: Bill shares his discovery of the difference between orgasm and ejaculation, experiencing super prostate orgasms for the first time.The Impact of Life's Stagnation [01:17]: Michelle reflects on how life responsibilities can lead to sexual stagnation, contrasting Bill's early curiosity with his later awakening.An Injury Leads to Enlightenment [01:34]: The turning point in Bill's journey was seeking pain relief for a work-related injury, which unexpectedly led to a sexual awakening during a massage therapy session.Registered Massage Therapist [01:50]: A transformative massage therapy session opens Bill up to explore his connection with energy work.Embracing Kundalini Rising [02:10]: Bill discusses his acceptance and curiosity about why Kundalini Rising chose him, leading to a deeper exploration of his sexuality.The Reiki Journey [03:15]: A significant healing session involving Reiki introduces Bill to new dimensions of sexual arousal and energy work, deepening his journey.Arousal Amid Pain: A New Understanding [04:21]: Bill recounts experiencing arousal during extreme pain, leading to questions about the nature of his sexual experiences.Personal Research and Discovery [05:06]: Following his therapy session, Bill dives into researching Kundalini Rising, seeking to understand the profound changes he's experiencing.Energy Perception in Social and Intimate Settings [07:09]: Bill shares how his Kundalini awakening has affected his perception of energy in different settings, altering his connection with others.Further Exploration with a Reiki Master [08:03]: An encounter with a Reiki master friend leads to another eye-opening session, further affirming Bill's experiences and exploration.Embracing Prostate Massage and Beyond [09:56]: Guided by a sex coach, Bill delves into prostate massage, confronting societal norms and discovering unparalleled levels of pleasure and self-awareness.The Societal Taboos Around Male Pleasure [10:08]: Bill discusses the societal pressures and misconceptions that deter men from exploring their bodies, particularly the stigma surrounding anal pleasure.A New Understanding of Pleasure [11:17]: Bill's experimentation with prostate massage challenges his own preconceptions and leads to profound discoveries about his body's capacity for pleasure.Guidance from a Sex Coach [12:32]: Bill shares how a sex coach encouraged him to further explore his sexual boundaries, emphasizing the importance of self-pleasure and body awareness.Prostate Orgasms: Breaking New Ground [13:29]: Through self-exploration and guidance, Bill experiences non-ejaculatory, multiple prostate orgasms, a revelation that redefines his understanding of male pleasure.A Transformative Experience [14:26]: The profound and extended pleasure of a super prostate orgasm leaves Bill in awe, challenging conventional notions of male orgasm and its potential.Continued Exploration and Growth [15:22]: Bill expresses his ongoing commitment to exploring his sexuality, underlining the positive impacts of his journey on his well-being and sexual fulfillment.Overcoming Sexual Shame [16:17]: Michelle introduces an online learning module aimed at helping individuals navigate and overcome sexual shame, highlighting the importance of personal growth and self-acceptance.Advice for Others Facing Sexual Shame [17:10]: Bill offers advice to listeners struggling with their own sexual explorations, emphasizing the value of seeking professional guidance and opening up about one's desires.The Power of Sharing Personal Stories [18:00]: Bill discusses his motivation for sharing his story on the podcast, hoping to inspire others to embrace their sexuality and challenge societal norms.Reflections on Therapy and Openness [19:15]: Michelle and Bill discuss the transformative power of therapy and the importance of having safe spaces to explore and discuss sexuality without judgment.The Role of Communication in Relationships [20:10]: The episode touches on the complexities of discussing sexual exploration within relationships, emphasizing the need for open communication and mutual understanding.Looking Forward: Chapter Two of Sexual Exploration [21:05]: Bill views his journey as the beginning of a new chapter in his sexual exploration, one that continues to evolve as he learns and grows.Gratitude and Closing Thoughts [22:00]: Michelle thanks Bill for his openness and insights, highlighting the episode's themes of sexual exploration, communication, and the journey toward understanding and embracing one's sexuality.Invitation to the Audience [22:50]: Michelle invites listeners to share their own stories and engage with the podcast community, fostering a supportive environment for discussing sexuality.Closing and Resources [23:40]: The episode concludes with an overview of available resources for listeners interested in exploring their own sexual journeys, including the "Unlearning Sexual Shame" module.

From discussing the challenges of redefining intimacy without the influence of substances to sharing personal experiences and insights, Michaela and Erill provide a safe space for listeners to explore the complexities of this topic. They offer practical tips, reflections, and guidance on how to cultivate meaningful connections, communicate effectively, and prioritize self-love and respect in intimate relationships. Whether you're newly sober, exploring sobriety, or simply curious about how sobriety intersects with sexuality and intimacy, this episode offers valuable perspectives and encouragement to embrace authenticity and vulnerability in your journey towards deep, fulfilling connections. Send us a DM with any questions, comments, coaching inquiries or topic ideas. We love to hear from you!! Links Follow 2 Sober Girls on Instagram Join SOBER GIRLS MASTERMIND if you'd like help to overcome your addiction, and heal your body and mind. This mastermind is for sober and sober curious women, that opens the door to exclusive training, monthly mastermind calls, resources, private group chat and sobriety support from Erinn and Michaela. Loved listening? Treat us to a coffee https://www.buymeacoffee.com/2sobergirlspodcast Let's connect!! Michaela on Instagram Download ALL of Michaela's Free Resources Michaela's Courses Erinn on Instagram Erinn's Sober Life Simplified Guide Disclaimer: Our podcast is designed to educate, inspire, and provide support on your personal journey to sobriety. This is not medical advice. If you need detox support, please call this number immediately. There is help for you:  – AA helpline: 845 769 7555 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why do partners sometimes stop making their relationship a priority?What are the consequences and results of not prioritizing your partner and your relationship?What are some practical ways to reverse the trend of not making your partner a priority and strengthen the relationship?In this episode of Relationship Renovation, EJ and Tarah address the common problem of partners feeling like they are no longer a priority in the relationship. The hosts explore the reasons behind this phenomenon and its potential consequences, providing practical ways for couples to reverse this trend. Listeners will gain insight into how to make their relationship and partner a priority every day, no matter how long they've been together. They will discover tools for fostering emotional and physical intimacy and learn to navigate the process of prioritizing each other. Whether you're looking to strengthen your relationship or navigate a disconnection, this episode offers actionable strategies to rebuild and nourish your bond.To explore further tools and strategies for enhancing your relationship, check out Relationship Renovation at Home, our online program designed to help couples strengthen their connection and navigate through challenges together.Get the free introductory lesson now at Purchase Relationship Renovation at Home Online Course to start building a healthier, more fulfilling relationship with your partner.Watch the full episode on Relationship Renovation Youtube Channel and join the Relationship Renovation community for more discussions and insights on creating strong, lasting relationships. Don't forget to like, share, and subscribe for more helpful content.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/he-said-she-said/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

This conversation explores the ups and downs of a passionate and intense relationship. The hosts discuss the challenges they face, the importance of communication, and the addictive nature of their connection. They also delve into the significance of traditions and the power of intimacy. The conversation highlights the unpredictability of desire and the joy of laughter in their relationship. They explore the beauty of vulnerability and the unique connection they share. Despite the challenges, they find that there are no real downsides to dating each other. THE PRIVATE PODCAST IS HERE!! GO TO https://www.thecuriousgirldiaries.com/exclusive TO SIGN UP! To learn more about DoxyPep, the morning after pill for STI's, go to: www.shamelesscare.com To learn more about the ancient sex technique of Pompoir go to:www.gohddess.com/curiousgirl and get 25% off your order! Learn how to master your hard ons and satisfy your partner every time, go to: www.erikeverhard.com and get 30% off when you use the code CURIOUSGIRL at checkout. Prioritize your pleasure practice and Get Your Free 7 Day Trial at XOAfterglow.com use code CURIOUSGIRL at checkout. For the best audio p*rn and erotica go to Bloomstories and Get 50% off an annual subscription or 20% off a monthly membership with you use the code CURIOUSGIRL at checkout. For the sex education you wish you had go to Beducated.com and use the code CURIOUS for 40% off a yearly pass!! Thank you for supporting my affiliates who help keep this show FREE: To master hand jobs, and rock your partner's world, go to https://www.rockthebedroom.com and use the code CURIOUSGIRL10 at checkout for a 10% discount! Honeypot CBD Lube (I HIGHLY recommend this!) Click HERE and use code CURIOUS10 for 10% off your purchase! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Most men lack a certain “skill” that explains many relationship and dating problems modern men have. It explains anxiety before and during dates, emotional isolation when you lose intimacy over time, and it even explains why couples have so many arguments.  The skill?  Presence.  But the problem is, most men think presence only means physical presence. But it means so much more than that. In fact, presence is the key skill to strengthen the bond between partners, enhance your emotional intimacy, build trust, solve conflicts (and de-escalate rising conflicts), and build lasting attraction.  So, how do you build presence? And what does it actually mean?  In today's show, you'll discover why presence makes or breaks a relationship, simple exercises you can follow to increase your presence, and how being more present will give you and your partner more joy and fulfillment from your relationship.  Listen now.  Show Highlights Include: The single most important trait for generating deep connections, lasting attraction, and loving intimacy (0:48)  Why many couples today feel isolated and alone (even when they're together) (1:57)  How to give any woman her ultimate fantasy on your first date together (4:34)  4 ways to practice presence throughout life and build a lasting intimacy with your partner (6:46)  The one thought almost all dating guys have that makes it impossible to be present in the moment (10:07)  How presence taps into your girlfriend's or wife's biggest fantasy and creates “emotional contagion” (10:39)  Want to get better with women but can't get out of your own head? This simple “replace the dialogue” exercise instantly makes you more present with women (16:35)  Do you tend to get anxious before or during a date? Here's a client story that reveals how to finally overcome this (19:29)  Does your neediness, fear, or insecurity sabotage your success with women? Do you feel you may be unlovable? For more than 15 years, I've helped thousands of people find confidence, fulfillment, and loving relationships. And I can help you, too. I'm therapist and life coach David Tian, Ph.D. I invite you to check out my free Masterclasses on dating and relationships at https://www.davidtianphd.com/masterclass/ now. For more about David Tian, go here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/ Emotional Mastery is David Tian's step-by-step system to transform, regulate, and control your emotions... so that you can master yourself, your interactions with others, and your relationships... and live a life worth living. Learn more here: https://www.davidtianphd.com/emotionalmastery

In this episode, Marcus and Jessica welcome Sex Therapist Nikquan Lewis. She is the founder of Intimate Connections in Katy, Texas. Nikquan is a licensed marriage and family therapist, licensed professional counselor, and relationship and sex therapist. They dive into questions about relationships, marriage, and the importance of intimacy in maintaining a strong connection. Listen now for a candid conversation about love, relationships, and everything in between.Check out Nikquan's transformational products so you can do the work at home; go to:https://intimateconnectionspllc.com/

Joan Cox ( @joancoxartist ) is a visionary Queer painter based in Baltimore, Maryland. Although her work fits into the context of identity politics, with equal parts feminist agenda and lesbian narrative, truthfully, they're all about human intimacy. Cox's lush narrative paintings present the viewer with richly symbolic images of intimate relationships between two women, acknowledging and emphasizing the female gaze. We invite you to delve even deeper into the world of Joan's paintings. Tune in to our enlightening interview with the podcast, ‘The Bureau of Queer Art,' where she shares stories behind her work. Visit Artsy.net, the collector's platform, to witness the beauty of her creations and perhaps even add a piece to your collection. If you're in Ciudad de Mexico, join us at the Art Gallery Studios, where her work comes to life during the length of the exhibition. We're casting for our 2024 adventures: art fairs, exhibitions, and our very own The Bureau of Queer Art podcasts and magazines. ArtGalleryStudios.com Subscribe to the Podcast with Apple, Spotify, or iHeart #QueerArt #QueerArtists #LGBTQArt #ArtExhibition #ArtGallery #ArtShow #QueerCulture #artistsofınstagram --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/micheal-swank/message

Pastor Erik continues in the We Are The Resting Place sermon series looking at what it means to be the dwelling place of God at the Resting Place where true fellowship happens. But what does that mean? Listen in and share the vision. For more resources, head to https://trpfamily.org/

Get ready for an exciting new episode of "The Swingpod with Rocky and Hazel" as the couple delves into thought-provoking discussions and thrilling adventures!In this episode, Rocky and Hazel engage in a captivating exploration of gender dynamics, discussing the intriguing differences between when a man says he's sorry versus when a woman does. Prepare for an insightful conversation that challenges conventional perspectives on communication and relationships.

This episode with Anna and Tim, peppered with vulnerability and real life examples, shows how, when we learn to listen, get curious, and create space for others, we have the opportunity the do life on a higher level: this is what High Performers know.   Anna gives tips on how to develop a deeper sense of self-awareness so that you can grow in your relationships with those you care about. Please subscribe, share, rate and review with 5 stars!  And for all you nutritional supplementation needs, go to www.AG1.com/ANNA for your one year of free Vitamin D allong with 5 free travel packs. You won't regret it! Mad love!  

Come join "The Swingpod with Rocky and Hazel" as they explore swinger topics that will captivate you!

The conclusion of Episode 28, Rocky and Hazel read listener messages and emails where they fulfill a request to send a dirty movie while recording. (And, of course, Rocky must share some of the audio!) Hazel dedicates the podcast to several listeners and Onlyfans subscribers. The couple finds an LS event for the 4th of July and debates how they will attend. Also, discover what happens when Rocky goes on a vanilla float trip. And finally, Hazel opens a sweet present from her beloved Rocky on the podcast. What could it be? Listen to the fun-filled naughty episode to find out!Rocky and Hazel are always talking about the fun they have, so now come over and see videos and pictures of the exciting times they discuss on their podcast! https://onlyfans.com/hazelthehotwife You've heard Hazel talk! Now come see Hazel at https://onlyfans.com/hazelthehotwife!Support the showCome join our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/RockyandHazel and https://onlyfans.com/hazelthehotwife/c8

GET READY to dive deep into the world of exhibitionism and voyeurism in this latest episode of "The Swingpod with Rocky and Hazel"! The couple embarks on a tantalizing journey, exploring desires and curiosities that will make your heart race and your imagination run wild.This week, they'll take you on a pulse-pounding ride through some unforgettable experiences. Picture this: Hazel, her boyfriend, and even his MOTHER watching an adult film together; OH MY! Also, Hazel recalls a HOT memory of a trip to an adult bookstore, where a crowd of eager onlookers added an electric buzz to her passionate encounter.The couple also hotly debates the topic of whether women truly prefer the lights off during sex. Prepare for an "enlightening" discussion! But that's not all! Hazel opens up about her most arousing fantasies, envisioning Rocky seducing a captivating stranger during an upcoming business trip. What will he do? Be warned: This episode of "The Swingpod with Rocky and Hazel" is not for the faint of heart. It's a provocative, tantalizing, and unapologetically raunchy journey that will leave you breathless and yearning for more.Rocky and Hazel are always talking about the fun they have, so now come over and see videos and pictures of the exciting times they discuss on their podcast! https://onlyfans.com/hazelthehotwife You've heard Hazel talk! Now come see Hazel at https://onlyfans.com/hazelthehotwife!Support the showCome join our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/RockyandHazel and https://onlyfans.com/hazelthehotwife/c8

Hello my love, Today I'm sharing with you the very thing that TRANSFORMED my relationships (romantically and friendships) and that is, radical honesty...Whatever we hold within, rotts inside of us. And I'll be sharing with you ways to open your heart so you can create the deep and intimate connections you really desire. NEW INSTAGRAM: @itscarliejadeEMAIL LIST: Sign up for the latest news hereNOW TAKING APPLICATIONS FOR VERY IMPORTANT PUSSY - 3 Month Group ProgramMore InfoMy SOCIAL detailsApply for 1:1 MentorshipInstagram @CarliejadeWebsiteEmail

Amy and her "fab fiancé," Randy Kolin! Secrets of Flirting, Sex Appeal and True Love! Today Rhonda and David interview Amy Berner, who has fallen in love and has quite a story to tell! Today is Valentine's Day (we recorded this on February 14, 2023), so we thought a love story would be a ray of joy for all of you, whether you are in a loving relationship or still looking for one! But first, Rhonda and David briefly interview Jeremy Karmel, the co-CEO of David's Feeling Good App. Jeremy tells his dramatic personal story that led to the creation of the app, and solicits for people who might want to join us for beta testing, which has gotten very busy of late. David also present some amazing data from a small, four-week beta test in December involving around 45 beta testers. The findings appeared to indicate that beta users experience far greater warmth and understanding from the app than from the people in their lives, which is on the sad side, since at the time users applied for the app, they only estimated 55% (on a scale from 0 to 100) warmth and understanding from the people in their lives, and roughly 85% from the digital “David” they interacted with in the app. We'll see if those amazing findings hold up in two larger replication studies now in progress. If you think you might be interested in being a beta tester, please sign up at www.feelinggood.com/app. Rhonda also gave an endorsement for the upcoming second World Congress on TEAM-CBT in Warsaw, Poland this year, March 30-April 2, 2023. It sounds exciting. I will be there is a variety of capacities including conducting a personal session with Jill Levitt, PhD. Please check it out! And, as usual, she read a compelling comment from one of our regulars, Irish Brain, who wrote: “Another amazing podcast for the collection!” Amy Berner is a licensed marriage and family therapist who works with adults and teens online in California. She loves helping her clients heal from heartache, depression, and anxiety. You can find her at the FeelingGreatTherapyCenter.com. Amy's love story started at a women's group that Rhonda was also in more than a year ago. It turns out that Rhonda is quite the match-maker, and has arranged dates for large numbers of her friends and colleagues, including Amy. However, Amy was feeling insecure, as so many of us might, before this date. To help her, Rhonda suggested the Feared Fantasy Exercise, and asked Amy to list some of the things she was afraid her blind date might be thinking, but not saying, when they met. When you do the FF, one person plays the role of the “Date from Hell” who not only thinks these awful things about you, but gets right up in your face and says them. This list of awful things the Date from Hell might say included: “I'm just doing Rhonda a favor in dating you.” “You look a lot older than your picture!” “I haven't gotten over my last relationship yet.” “You're not smart enough.” “You're just not very interesting.” We demonstrated the FF on the podcast, and Amy knocked them out of the park, using humor plus the Acceptance Paradox. She said that when they'd done that at the women's group, in greatly reduced Amy's fear and trepidation prior to their first date. Amy said she was also greatly helped by being in my small practice group the following Tuesday at our weekly psychotherapy training group. We were working on the “Interpersonal Downward Arrow,” a technique I developed that quickly illuminates the roles people play in problematic relationships. Amy discovered that she was playing the role of the inadequate, inferior, insecure person, and this was illuminating. One bad thing about this role is that it quickly becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because if you see yourself as inferior, you will chase, and come across as insecure, and that will cause the other person, in most cases, to reject you. David suggested a technique he described in his book, Intimate Connections (which you can see below). called the Queen Bee Phenomenon. Instead of playing the insecure role, you give yourself all kinds of positive messages about how sexy and awesome and desirable you are. Once you get into that mind-set, this mind-set can also act as a self-fulfilling prophecy. That's because of the Burns Rule, which states that in any relationship, especially at the start, one person will be the pursued, and the other person will be the pursuer. The pursued person has all the power, and the pursuer is usually rejected. So why not utilize the Queen Bee Phenomenon and let the guys chase you? This idea was transformative for our wonderful Amy, who is now happily, giddily, engaged, and she tell her story today with her typical wit, humor, and charm. She emphasized another important concept from Intimate Connections. Self-love has to come first. Once you chose to love and like yourself, your fear of being alone disappears, and you discover that you can be incredibly happy when you're alone. Then, you will no longer “need” men; and as a result, men will need and chase you. That's another expression of the Burns Rule which states: Men (all people actually) ONLY want what they CAN'T get, and NEVER want what they CAN get. So, if you don't “need” other people, they will have to chase you! And that's what happened! Rhonda, Amy, and David also reviewed the principles of effective flirting. 1, Be playful, and not heavy or serious. 2. Have fun. 3. Give playful, specific compliments. Amy has developed a game called “Flirty Dice” which helped her and many others. It is suitable for anyone 14 years or older and can be obtained at the Feeling Great Therapy Center. At the same time that her love life zoomed into orbit, her clinical practice did the same. This is common—when you become a source of joy, others just naturally are attracted to you. Kind of like human magnetism. Amy sees people virtually from all over California. She practices TEAM-CBT and specializes in the treatment of depression and anxiety, and of course, dating and relationship issues. So, if you want to give your love-life a kick-start, or recovery from rejection, contact her at babyfreud@gmail.com Thanks for listening today! Last month, (January 2023), we broke our one month download record (>182,000 downloads), so thank you for that. We will surpass 6 million downloads shortly. Rhonda, Amy, and David

Welcome to our ABCs of BDSM podcast series. Today we talk about motives for becoming involved in BDSM. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/bdsmunited/support

Aly Light joins #Mikedup for a candid and liberating discussion on communication, individualism, sex and self love. Aly is a new-age transformational leader, pioneering sexual liberation. As a tantric lifestyle teacher and advocate for women, she is making space for deeper communication between men and women, and the individuality coupled with true connection required in a healthy sexual and spiritual relationship. In this conversation Mike and Aly discuss her journey into sovereign individualism and share both of their paths towards understanding the joys and potential dysmorphia of sexual exploration. Aly shares her advice for men who too often are plagued by the addiction of pornography and how communication and self love can be a pathway to freedom.   This episode is unique for #MikedUp and perhaps essential for entrepreneurs, small business owners, and anyone who is so focused on a career that tends to both neglect healthy sexual relationships and communication in exchange for potentially damaging, self-sabotaging  loneliness that has little to do with true intimacy or connection.    Connect with Aly: Aly's Portal: https://www.flowcode.com/page/lighthousealy  Podcast: https://anchor.fm/aly-light Aly Light IG: https://www.instagram.com/lighthousejourney Alaya Moon IG: https://www.instagram.com/sacredmusetantra Sacred Muse Tantra Website: https://www.sacredmusetantra.com/   Connect with Mike: https://linktr.ee/mikedicioccio   Produced by Social Chameleon: https://www.socialchameleon.us   Interview Recorded via Riverside.fm   Mike'D Up! Merch: https://mikedupmerch.com

My message will always be to be honest with yourself about what your definition of happiness entails - then share it with whomever can accept your full spectrum of self. 

Secrets of Overcoming Romantic Rejection Part 2 of 2 In last week's podcast we interviewed Dr. Kyle Jones on the topic of how to overcome romantic rejection, and answered five of your questions. Today we publish Part 2 of that interview. Rhonda, Kyle and David will tell you how to stop obsessing about someone who has rejected you, and whether you can "heal completely,"and how you can get your confidence back, and more! 6. Do you have any tips for moving on and realizing that maybe your ex isn't as great as you think they are? David 20 qualities I'm looking for in an ideal mate. Rhonda Time, patience, space away from each other. Make lists of qualities you liked about your ex and qualities you wish were different.  Fill out the form: “20 Qualities in An Ideal Mate” and review how many of these qualities your ex had. 7. Since cheating is something that happens so often in relationships, what would you recommend (techniques wise) for someone who's been cheated on in trying to get their confidence back? David YOU CAN USE THE DAILY MOOD LOG, DOUBLE STANDARD, ETC. OVERCOME FEAR OF BEING ALONE. ETC. Examine the Evidence; Worst, Best, Average. Kyle Cheating can be really devastating if you and your significant other were in a monogamous relationship. What are the negative thoughts you have about yourself after you've been cheated on? Practice talking back to those. 8. How can we boost our confidence back up after a breakup in general even if we haven't been cheated on? David SAME ANSWER. Rhonda Do things you love to do with people who love you:  go dancing, go to the beach, go hear music, read, etc. Daily Mood Log on the thoughts that lead to your lack of confidence. 9. Do you guys believe in the notion that you are capable of “healing completely from your ex (aka completely being over them and all the pain the breakup brought you)” or do you believe that it's not possible. David I MEASURE THINGS. YOU CAN DO WAY BETTER AS YOU GROW. IS THERE A CLAIM THAT THERE IS NOW AN INVISIBLE BARRIER ON YOUR SCORE ON THE BMS. THIS IS SUCH, EXCUSE MY CRUDITY, HOGWASH! HOPEFULLY, YOU'LL NEVER AGAIN FIND SOMEONE JUST LIKE THE PERSON WHO REJECTED YOU! Rhonda You may never be exactly the same, why would you want to be?  Every experience in life gives you the opportunity to grow (as cliche and kind of yucky as that sounds). Maybe you need to acknowledge and examine your role in the breakup, come to a place of humility or maybe even compassion, but definitely understanding. Interpersonal Downward Arrow to look at the Roles and Rules in your past relationships.  Relationship Journal to see how you have contributed to the relationship problems.  Maybe do Reattribution to see what you contributed to the relationship problems and what they did. 10. What are some realistic expectations to have coming out of a breakup, recovery wise, and what are some unrealistic expectations? David I DON'T IMPOSE MY STANDARDS AND AGENDAS ON OTHERS! THAT'S LIKE MISSIONARY WORK, TRYING TO GET SOMEONE TO ADOPT YOUR STANDARDS. I TRY TO LISTEN (EMPATHY) AND THEN SET THE AGENDA WITH THE PATIENT, AND THE NEGOTIATION STEP IS SOMETIMES IMPORTANT. I ALSO USE STORY TELLING TO ILLUSTRATE A RADICALLY DIFFERENT REALITY FROM WHAT THE PATIENT “SEES.” Rhonda I can't add anything to that, except, after examining your role in the relationship, you may see the expectations you want to eliminate and the ones you want to maintain. 11. Do you guys feel that you shouldn't date for a while after getting your heart broken? David THIS CAN BE A GREAT IDEA. I ALWAYS INSIST, AS PART OF NEGOTIATION PHASE OF AGENDA SETTING, THAT THE PERSON OVERCOME THE FEAR OF BEING ALONE BEFORE DATING, WHETHER OR NOT A REJECTION HAPPENED. Rhonda This is a very personal decision.  Have you had time to heal before getting into a new relationship?  Have you had time to examine your role so you can make changes if you choose, so you won't repeat the same mistakes in the next relationship? 12. Do you have to move on from your ex to go back out into the dating world again and to possibly be in a relationship again? Do you guys feel that “jumping” from relationship to relationship can be a bad thing? Why or why not? David THESE THINGS ARE ALWAYS ON AN INDIVIDUAL BASIS. I THINK IT CAN BE HEALTHY TO DATE A VARIETY OF PEOPLE AND NOT GLOM ONTO THE FIRST PERSON WHO EXPRESSES AN INTEREST IN YOU. THAT WAY, YOU CAN COMPARE A VARIETY OF RELATIONSHIPS AND IN ADDITION, YOUR DATING SKILLS WILL IMPROVE. THE “20 THINGS I'M LOOKING FOR IN AN IDEAL MATE” CAN BE VALUABLE. Rhonda “Jumping from relationship to relationship” sounds so judgmental.  Are you finding yourself in relationships where you have similar complaints from your last relationship, repeating patterns that you dislike?  Then I would pause and take time to heal and learn before starting another one. Kyle What does be “moved on” really mean here? Would you have to never have a thought about your ex again before dating? That might be impossible! I don't think there's anything wrong with dating multiple people or starting and stopping relationships with some frequency – especially if you're looking for a good fit and it's not working out with someone. 13. How do you overcome your trust issues when getting into another relationship after your heartbreak? David PATIENT WOULD HAVE TO GIVE ME A SPECIFIC EXAMPLE, AND NOT DEAL WITH THIS OR ANYTHING “ABSTRACTLY.” Rhonda Daily Mood Log work, starting with a specific event that led to the lack of trust. Let us know if you would like a third podcast on how to deal with romantic rejection at some point, since we have a number of remaining questions. Thanks! My book, Intimate Connections, will help you with dating and rejection issues! You can contact Dr. Kyle Jones at kyle@feelinggoodinstitute.com End of Part 2

Secrets of Overcoming Romantic Rejection Part 1 of 2 In today's podcast we are proud to interview Dr. Kyle Jones from the Feeling Good Institute in Mountain View, California. Kyle Jones, PhD is a clinical psychology postdoctoral fellow affiliated with Feeling Good Institute in Mountain View, California where he provides individual psychotherapy in a private practice. He co-leads a monthly consultation group with Maggie Holtam, PhD where therapists can get help with exposure methods for anxiety. He has recently become an Adjunct Professor of Psychology at Palo Alto University - teaching Clinical Interviewing in the clinical psychology PhD program. Kyle wrote: “Here are some questions from patients of mine for our podcast today - we don't have to go through all of these bust just some talking points!" We will publish part of the questions in today's podcast, and several more next week. There are even more questions, so let us know if you would want a Part 3 on this topic at some time in the future. Below you will find the list of questions with some responses by David and Rhonda BEFORE the podcast. To get the true scoop, listen to the podcast, as most of the comments below were simply ideas that popped into our heads prior to the podcast. Although we focus on romantic rejection in these two podcasts, the idea really pertain to rejection in all segments of our lives. 1. Why do you think it's so hard for us humans to handle rejection/why do you think we are so afraid of it? David THE LOVE ADDICTION SDB. LOOKING TO EXTERNAL SOURCES FOR FEELINGS OF SELF-WORTH AND HAPPINESS. THE CBA IS CRUCIAL, SINCE PEOPLE MAY NOT WANT TO STOP LINKING SELF WORTH WITH LOVE. Rhonda Plus, it hurts.  And our brain is wired to experience pain when rejected.  We are wired that way. Evolutionary psychologists believe it all started when we were hunter gatherers who lived in clans. Since we could not survive alone, being ostracized from our clan was basically a death sentence. As a result, we developed an early warning system to alert us when we were at risk of being rejected by our tribemates. People who experienced rejection as more painful were more likely to change their behavior, remain in the clan, and pass along their genes. Kyle Getting dumped sucks! We aren't really taught how to handle rejection very well in our culture. 2. Are we capable of overcoming the fear of rejection and how do we accomplish that?  David You can face your fear with REJECTION PRACTICE. The FIRST SECTION OF INTIMATE CONNECTIONS IS ON OVERCOMING THE FEAR OF BEING ALONE. Rhonda Is part of the fear of rejection also a fear of being alone?  You can use the “What If” technique to uncover more about those fears.  Then put the thoughts in a Daily Mood Log, and challenge them with a variety of techniques you can select for a Recovery Circle. You can also face your fears with Rejection Practice and/or Exposure. 3. When it comes to getting dumped do you guys believe there is a good way to approach it communicating wise? David YOU CAN USE FIVE SECRETS TO FIND OUT WHY THE OTHER PERSON IS REJECTING YOU. OR, PERHAPS BETTER, YOU CAN TURN THE TABLES ON THE REJECTOR, SINCE IT IS PART OF A CHASE GAME. Rhonda If you want to know more about why you were “dumped,” will you trust the other person to be honest with you?  Will you believe them when they respond?  You might want to do a Cost Benefit Analysis to decide whether or not you even want to ask them to explain why you were “dumped.” Kyle It depends on the situation. If you have gone through a divorce and have children, you may still need to talk with you ex-partner. Generally, I don't think it's a good idea to stay in touch and keep chatting with an ex who dumped you! 4. If we are caught off guard with the breakup and don't see it coming and all of a sudden one day our partner decides to end the relationship, how do we not let our emotions get the best of us in that moment in that very moment? David WHEN YOU SAY, “GET THE BEST OF US” IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE NOT ACCEPTING YOUR FEELINGS. IS IT OKAY TO FEEL FEELINGS? THIS QUESTION SOUNDS LIKE EMOTOPHOBIA. Rhonda It's perfectly reasonable to be sad, to cry, to be shocked and angry.  Why not have those feelings?  You also don't have to expect to respond with a “perfect 5-Secrets.”  Maybe you need to take a break from each other, breathe, walk, calm down, and then meet again to talk talk, if that is what you want to do. Kyle If you get blindsided by a breakup it can really be shocking and overwhelming. It's okay to feel how you feel in that moment I would think. 5. When it comes to recovery after being broken up with, how do you fight the urge to go back to your ex? David THIS URGE IS DUE TO THE BURNS RULE: WE ONLY WHAT WE CAN'T GET, AND NEVER WANT WHAT WE CAN GET. ALSO, CAN DO A CBA ON CHASING. Rhonda Also, look at the thoughts that are leading you to want to get back together.  What do they say about you that is awesome?  Then examine them for Cognitive Distortions, and talk back to them with Dbl Standard or Ext of Voices. Do a “Time Projection,” see yourself in 5 years, in 10 years, in 20 years.  Have a conversation with your future selves to talk about what you want, what kind of person you want to be with, how you want to be treated in the future. Practice “Distraction,” when you start thinking about your “ex” distract yourself by concentrating intensely on something else, music, work, friends, cooking, another hobby. Kyle Come back to reality and remember all the crummy ways an ex may have been treating you, instead of letting your mind ruminate on how great things were during the first few weeks of dating. Come up with all the good reasons to continue wishing/hoping you and your ex will get back together and talk back to those. My book, Intimate Connections, will help you with dating and rejection issues! Stay tuned for Part 2 next week.

Ask David: Featuring Matt May, MD 1. Roy asks: How can I challenge my core belief that there is something wrong with me? 2. Lynn asks: Do you have any recommendations for someone with health anxiety? Note: The answers below were generated prior to the podcast, and the information provided on the live podcast may be richer and different in a number of ways. 1. Roy asks: How can I challenge my core belief that there is something wrong with me? Hello Dr .Burns, Regarding podcast 294, I had a few quick questions/suggestions on acceptance. Is it possible to do a podcast with you and Matt and Rhonda on one specific core belief? The belief: There is Something Wrong With Me Let me explain. I have dated and had relationships with some very physically attractive women in the past. In the last year I have not been able to duplicate these past successes and I suspect it's because I am at least 10 years or more older than these women ( 23-28). Let's say I NEVER EVER date or have a relationship with my specific type EVER again? This has caused a ton of frustration and some depression ( low) but has been a bit to my self image and self esteem Thoughts? Thanks Dr. Burns Roy David: At my request, Roy provides more information on his Core Belief: There is something wrong with me. Why believe it? 1. My parent said "What's wrong with you?" whenever I got in trouble in school ( infers there IS something wrong with me) 2. It feels like there is something wrong with me 3. I make mistakes and am not perfect so there MUST be something wrong with me I believe this Core Belief to be 100 % True David: I asked Roy to provide a Daily Mood Log. DML Activating Event: 3 specific events A) My ex girlfriend dumped me and ended our relationship B) A woman I suspect is a super model said No to my request to go out on a date C) I have recently struck out with the last 5 women I REALLY want to date. They ALL rejected me Feelings: Depressed/Down/Unhappy (70%) Worthless/Inadequate/Defective (80%) Unloved/Rejected (95%) Hopeless/Discouraged (99%) Frustrated/Defeated (99%) Resentful/Irritated/Upset (99%) Negative Thoughts 1.There is something wrong with me (100%) 2. I must get this specific woman's love and approval to feel good about myself (80%) 3. If I am a sexy charming guy then this woman would find me attractive. I must not be very attractive (100%) 4. If I played in the NBA or NFL then this woman would be attracted to me (100%) 5. The sex would be amazing if I were to be intimate with this woman (100%) 6. I would be so much happier if I was to have a relationship with this woman (100%) 7. Women like her with incredibly sexy attractive bodies only go for high status millionaires. I am not a millionaire. It's awful I am not a millionaire (100%) 8. I am 10 years older than these women and therefore my age turns them off (100%) David wrote back, suggesting that Roy list the benefits of his belief that “there's something wrong with me.” Positives of believing There is Something Wrong With Me Very easy explanation why these specific types of women reject me I don't have to make any changes about myself ( clothes) or behaviors ( more charming) Familiar feeling and comfort in familiarity I can feel sorry for myself and have a pity party Gives me something to complain about with my friends lol My fantasy ( sexual and relationship) of these specific women remains unchallenged and is a great distraction when bored Shows I accept I am not perfect and defective I accept responsibility for my failings Don't have to get angry or upset about my mother's poor parenting skills Incredibly easy cop out whenever I fail to achieve any type of goal Can quit working towards a goal when face adversity Next, Roy identified some distortions in this belief. Distortions in believing There is Something Wrong with Me -emotional reasoning -self blame -overgeneralization Why? Feels like there is something wrong with me. I am assuming 100% blame. I am not focused on any positive things done in my life I am stuck because my mother said what's wrong with you when I was a kid. I concluded there must be something wrong with me. Whenever I get rejected this core belief surfaces. Is this what you had in mind? All the Best and THANKS Roy David's response Hi Roy, Thanks for the email. Everything about you and me could be improved. Is that all you mean when you say “there's something wrong with me?” Or are you saying you have a “self” that is somehow damaged.? If so, was your “self” always damaged, from the time of birth? Or did it “become damaged” at some point? If the answer is yes, at what point did your “self” become “damaged?” To me, conversations about “selves” have no meaning. Conversations about specific flaws or problems do have meaning. You are kind of kicking your dating problem up into the clouds of abstraction, to my way of thinking, when you obsess about a “damaged self.” Lots of colleagues who used to come to my Sunday hikes had dating problems, in your age range, and most eventually solved them. But talk about “damaged selves” was never part of the dialogue that I can recall. I wrote a book on dating, Intimate Connections. Just my thinking! d More from David after an email exchange I don't think you answered, or attempted to answer, my question. One problem is that you would like to date and have sex with more younger women who are in great shape. That is something specific and clear. I understand it, anybody can make sense of what you are saying. When you say, “In addition, I believe I have a ‘self' that is defective (or whatever), I don't “get” what you are talking about. Can you explain this at the fourth-grade level? Do you mean that you get upset when you get rejected? Is that all you mean? Or do you mean that you get frustrated and disappointed when you cannot get a date with X, Y, or Z woman? Nearly all men have these reactions at times. Does this mean there is “something wrong” with their “selves?” There are lots of reasons why woman A might not be attracted to man B. Do you agree? Which reason makes the man's “self” not good enough. She may not be attracted to him because he is chasing her, for example. This means that his dating style needs some fine tuning, and perhaps that he needs to learn to be happy when he is alone, and that he does not “need” love or her love, etc. Those are specific things, easily changed. But I don't get the “self” bit! We all having varying qualities and ratings. Take math. Everyone has a certain skill in math. 50% of people are above average, and 50% are below average, in math. Do you agree? Is there some skill level that means that there is something “wrong” with your “self?” Thanks! D On today's podcast, Rhonda, Matt and David discuss effective and ineffective approaches to dating, including a mind-set that may be a huge turn-off to women. They also illustrate how to challenge some of Roy's distorted thoughts using three strategies: Self-Defense The Acceptance Paradox The CAT, or Counter-Attack Technique Matt and Rhonda speculate that Roy may be harboring some anger toward his mother, and toward women in general. David is less convinced, but more focused on change in the here-and-now, regardless of causes, which can sometimes be difficult to prove. At any rate, if Roy's goal is to develop more loving and rewarding relationships., there are many available tools. 2. Lynn asks: Do you have any recommendations for someone with health anxiety? I am a long time fan of your work, and I have a long history of health anxiety. My therapist tells me that this is really death anxiety. I'm not sure I agree...but do you have any recommendations for someone with health anxiety? ( imaginal exposure therapy has not been helpful) I'd be eternally grateful for any insight. David's reply Thanks for the kind words, Paul. I will try to include this in an upcoming Ask David segment! Matt's reply: Using uncovering techniques, like the ‘What if' technique, Hidden Emotion, Downward Arrow and Interpersonal Downward Arrow could help answer this question.  If you had a problem with your health, what would you worry about, most?  If you were having a problem with your health, what would you worry about, in terms of how other people would treat you?  What would it mean, about you, if you had a problem with your health.  Identify the specific negative thoughts behind your suffering will help your therapist identify methods that could help you.  As far as Death Anxiety, you could consider a chapter in Feeling Good, where David breaks this fear down into more specific parts.  Are you afraid of the process of dying?  The moment of Death?  What comes after?  If so, what are you afraid of, specifically?  Most people don't fear Death, it doesn't really exist, like a shadow, just the contrast to something real, Life. In the podcast, Matt, Rhonda, and David emphasize the role of the Hidden Emotional Model in the treatment of Health Anxiety, and describe two dramatic cases involving rapid recovery, one of them personal—David's belief he had a lymphoma in his armpit shortly after completing his psychiatric training. The other involved a college student with a long history of health anxiety who David and Matt hypnotized. While in the trance, she suddenly “remembered” what she was actually upset about, and burst into tears. This was a life-changing moment! Thanks for listening today! Matt, Rhonda, and David

In this episode, Dave and his guest, Brandon McDaniel, PhD, Senior Research Scientist at Parkview Mirro Center for Research and Innovation, discuss the effects of technology usage on our relationships. While Brandon emphasizes that “not all technology is bad” he shares how “technoference” (a term he coined) can lead to disconnecting from those we love. More importantly, he gives tips for managing our own tech habits and having potentially difficult conversations with our partners around this sometimes touchy topic. About: Brandon T. McDaniel is a family scientist (PhD in Human Development and Family Studies, Pennsylvania State University), Senior Research Scientist at the Parkview Mirro Center for Research and Innovation, adjunct Clinical Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at Indiana University School of Medicine Fort Wayne, and nationally recognized expert on the impacts of technology use on relationships, families, and children. Dr. McDaniel’s research on technoference –the interference of device use in our face-to-face interactions and family relationships—has attracted international attention. He has been awarded grants from the National Institutes of Health (NIH) and is actively pursuing research into parent device use and developing educational programming for parents of infants centered around developing healthy digital habits. He also regularly engages in community education in the promotion of healthy digital habits. Links: Brandon McDaniel: http://www.btmcdaniel.com Free Technoference eBook: https://www.drdaveschramm.com/techno-ference-ebook “Raise” parenting app: https://www.joinraise.com Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: StrongerMarriage.org podcast.strongermarriage.org Facebook: facebook.com/strongermarriage Instagram: @strongermarriagelife Dr. Dave Schramm: https://drdaveschramm.com https://drdavespeaks.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579 Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642 Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com/   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's the age-old question: “What do women want from men?” If you've ever had your approach rejected, or you THOUGHT a date went great but then she ghosts … well, you know what it's like to struggle with how to read women.Special guest and TV celebrity Dr. Viviana Coles is here to help! Dr. Viviana is a sex and relationship coach who spent seven seasons as the expert on Lifetime's “Married at First Sight.” Her mission? To help YOU have the most fulfilling intimate relationship—including great sex—of your life.On today's Dating Transformation Podcast, Connell asks the brilliant Dr. Coles to “crack the code” on how to read and connect with women, and she does not disappoint. In this episode, Viviana will teach you what women want from men, and she'll show you… -The simple, charming way to approach a woman at a social event, and make her smile-The way women WANT you to move in for that first kiss-How to confidently—and respectfully—lead a new relationship to the bedroom for the first time, in a way you'll both love-PLUS: Connell shares a great piece of love advice from Viviana's bestselling book, “The 4 Intimacy Styles”—a tip on how to keep the wonderful woman you make your partner Also, she'll explain why penis size does NOT matter nearly as much as you think, and what matters to women instead.Listen now, to go from feeling confused by what women want from men, to knowing exactly what women want from men… so you can attract (and keep!) an amazing woman.TO GET DR. VIVIANA COLES' BOOK OR LEARN ABOUT HER COACHING:doctorviviana.comSIGN UP FOR HER NEWSLETTER FOR TIPS, ADVICE, AND INFO ON HER UPCOMING COACHING PROGRAMS, FOR SINGLES AND COUPLES: Houstonrelationshiptherapy.comGO FROM SELF-DOUBT AND LACK OF DATES TO CONFIDENTLY ATTRACTING YOUR DREAM GIRLFRIEND. BOOK A CALL WITH CONNELL TODAY:DatingTransformation.comQuotes:"In dating, you need to be polite and have some tact, but other than that, authenticity is most important." - Dr. Coles"I want to help people round out their intimacy style." - Dr. ColesBook Mentioned:The 4 Intimacy Styles: The Key to Lasting Physical IntimacyCheck it here: https://doctorviviana.com/product/buythebook/ Featured in this episode:Dr. Viviana Coles, President and Lead Psychotherapist at Houston Relationship Therapy, President of the National Sex Therapy Institute, Director of Intimate Connections at Erosante Luxury Retreats, Resident Intimacy Expert at Bloomi, and Certified Sex Therapist. Featured on "Married at First Sight."Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/doctorviviana Twitter: https://twitter.com/DoctorViviana Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doctorviviana Website: https://doctorviviana.com Connell Barrett, Founder and Executive Coach of Dating TransformationWebsite: https://datingtransformation.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/datingtransformation Chapters:00:00 Intro01:52 Dr. Coles' background07:50 What happened on Dr. Coles' first date with her husband?10:34 The Intimacy Quiz17:24 Connell & Viviana discuss coaching20:34 Thoughts on couples who have less intimacy24:50 What makes men attractive to women?27:04 What is the problem with the provider-mentality among men?33:11 Tips for single men 35:36 What men get wrong on dates40:05 What makes a great date?51:30 Dr. Coles' upcoming couples retreat53:47 ConclusionProduced by Heartcast Media.https://www.heartcastmedia.com/

What exactly is Dirty Talk? What are the benefits using it to spice up sex? What are some tips for folks who want to up their dirty talk game, and how can people who are desiring to engage in more Dirty Talk talk ask for this from their partner? Sexpert Lola Kat teaches all of this, and even shares a reading in her sensual voice. About our guest: Lola Kat Yonder is a Sex Positive - Body Positivity Advocate & Sensual Storyteller: She remarks she grew up in the adult industry, 13+ years & counting: including 8 years as a sensual product consultant & small biz marketing director, commercial hostess, & content creator for luxury adult retail; along with 5+ years of experience in sensual voice performance. Colleagues have dubbed her the Wordsmith & the Vanna White of Vibrators.   In the past, Lola performed 16 years as a classically-trained Church vocalist, as well as contributed 6+ years in senior healthcare. She has evolved from her conservative roots by embracing sexual openness emphasizing intimate education. She has also competed to model for the Next Face of Torrid 2015, and walked the runway at multiple Body Positivity Empowerment events in Baltimore & NYC; & maintained an active presence on the adult conference circuit, attending events such as Exxxotica & AVN. Lola's passions include music, fashion, voiceover, queer positivity, sex toy exploration and empowerment. Her mantra is Style, Makeup, & Masturbation in the Pursuit of Self Love, Intimate Connections, and Positive Mental Health. You can find her commercial work with keywords 'Spice2nite Show' on YouTube, and modeling/ body positivity on @thecoybox on IG A lifelong learner, she is currently interested in living powerfully as an accomplished woman with adult-ADHD, for which she has started a consultant page ADHDsensual.com. Also learn more about her work at lolakatyonder.com Follow us on Tik Tok @shamelesssexpodcast! We just lost out own account and now have a new one. Follow us for entertaining and informative clips from episodes such as this one. Come meet and play with us on October 2nd, 2022 at this fun local event in Santa Cruz. Other links: To learn more about microdosing THC go to Microdose.com and use code Shameless to get free shipping & 30% off your first order Get turned on with 30 days free of super hot audio erotica at dipseastories.com/shameless Get 10% off + free shipping with code SHAMELESSSEX on Uberlube AKA our favorite lubricant at uberlube.com Get 10% off while mastering the art of pleasure at  OMGyes.com/shameless Get 15% off all of your sex toys with code SHAMELESSSEX at purepleasureshop.com

Professor Mark Noble Shares his Thinking on the Uptick in Loneliness. Rhonda starts today's podcast with a beautiful podcast endorsement from Eduardo, a fan who loved our recent podcast 303, featuring the dramatic, humble, and inspiring Jason Meno, a data scientist and software engineer who is making superb contributions to the Feeling Good App. Eduardo was especially interested in how to bring non-verbal, difficult-to-access negative thoughts to conscious awareness with the Stick Figure Technique. Today we interview Professor Mark Noble on the topic of loneliness. Mark is best known for his pioneering research on stem cells, but he has become an active and beloved member of the TEAM-CBT community since joining one of my Sunday hikes back in (date?) Mark is currently an active member and small group leader in Rhonda's Wednesday TEAM training group. He generously wrote brilliant chapter for my most recent book, Feeling Great, and has also written the Brain Users Guide to TEAM CBT which you can download for free from https://www.feelinggreattherapycenter.com/resources Mark begins by dedicating today's podcast to listeners who may be struggling with feelings of loneliness, and explains that loneliness appears to be on the increase, along with virtually all types of negative feelings, especially since the onset of the pandemic. He emphasizes that there are many roads to loneliness, including: Loss of a loved one, including friends, family, colleagues, or even a beloved pet Betrayal by someone you trusted Being trapped in an abusive relationship Being abandoned or neglected as a child Not being accepted by your family due to sexual orientation, religious preference, choice of life partner, or other factors Feelings of isolation due to COVID A dead marriage Infidelity And more. Of course, Social anxiety is one of the most common causes of loneliness, and last week we interviewed two individual, Cai Chen, MD, and Chan Mary Soeur, RN, BSN, who have fallen in love. Both were lonely and struggled for years with social anxiety. Their work with TEAM-CBT has not only helped them greatly with their anxiety and loneliness, but has brought them intense romantic love! Not bad! People struggling with loneliness often think there's something “wrong” with them. For example, you may feel unlovable, and fear that you'll be alone forever. In addition, the belief that we “need” love to feel happy and fulfilled often leaves the lonely individual feeling like they're doomed to endless unhappiness and a lack of fulfillment if they're alone. Mark explains that the scientific definition of loneliness is the distress you feel when you think that your ”needs” for connection and relationships differ from what you have. In addition, he believes that loneliness is not abnormal, but is rather an indication of healthy brain function that has been important to the survival of the human race. For example, feelings of loneliness motivate us to connect with others. In fact, feelings of loneliness prompt babies to cry for their mothers when they feel hungry, hurt, or alone, and this process begins within seconds of being born. We raised the question of whether the cure for loneliness is internal or external. The internal solution involves changing the way you think, and your relationship with yourself. The external solution involves trying to find a loving partner or becoming more involved in activities with others. Although this is the solution most people pursue, it often falls short. David emphasizes the important of the internal solution, and discovering that you can feel completely happy and fulfilled when you're alone. In fact, this is the first step in overcoming loneliness that he emphasizes in his book, Intimate Connections. Mark, Rhonda and David also discuss some of the paradoxes of TEAM-CBT, and how the “need” for love often drives others away, since you are asking people to give you something you can only give yourself. In contrast, when you feel happy within, and no longer “need” the love of others, love will often pursue you. We hope you enjoyed today's podcast, and want to thank our buddy, Professor Noble, who has made so many in our TEAM-CBT community feel less lonely and more connected! Warmly, Mark, Rhonda, and David

Swimming in the River of Love Rhonda starts today's podcast with a beautiful podcast endorsement from a fan named Vicky, from Australia, who was thrilled with the two recent live therapy podcasts with Nazli (podcasts 301 and 302). She wrote that she felt so lucky to hear someone with the exact same negative thoughts, and same feelings of depression and anxiety, that she's had since she was 10 years old. I have often said that when therapists have the courage to do their personal work in public, you not only heal yourself and learn cool techniques first-hand and experientially, but you also heal many others who are touched and inspired by you. Thanks to all of our fans for your frequent loving comments and cool questions for future Ask David podcasts. We then give a little promotion for several upcoming group events, involving: May 2, 2022. Dr. Jill Levitt and I will be teaching an exciting, full-day workshop on “Smashing Social Anxiety: Shame-Attacking and Beyond.” It will be open to shrinks and the general public alike. The focus will be on learning to treat social anxiety, including your own! For registration and more information, please go to CBTforSocialAnxiety.com. September 13, 2022: Drs. Brandon Vance and Heather Clague start two new Feeling Great Book Clubs. For registration and more information, please go to www.feelinggreattherapycenter.com/book-club. September 14, 2022. Drs. Heather Clague and Brandon Vance will start their weekly “Deep Practice” group for training in the Five Secrets of Effective Communication. This type of practice is absolutely needed if you want to use these fantastic techniques to greatly boost your clinical effectiveness or enhance your relationships with the people you care about. For registration and more information, please go to www.feelinggreattherapycenter.com/5-Secrets. Date (to be announced). Zeina Halim soon begins the first-ever book club for When Panic Attacks. This terrific group could be helpful if you've ever struggled with phobias, social anxiety, chronic worrying, panic attacks, OCD, PTSD, and more. For registration and more information, please go to https://feelinggood.com/2022/08/08/anxiety-book-club/ Date (to be announced). Zeina Halim will collaborate with our Feeling Good App development team in an experiment to test a month's use of the Feeling Good app with or without a weekly practice group to supplement your work with the app. This exciting project is currently in the planning stage, but if you think you might be interested, please contact Zeina at Zeina Halim so she can contact you once we're ready to start. As an aside, the app will be free since we're still involved in beta tests, but the weekly practice groups will involve an additional charge. Today we feature a love story involving Dr. Cai Chen, a young psychiatrist who did his residency training in Texas and now has moved to California to be with his love, Chan Mary Soeur, RN, BSN. Both have been members of my TEAM-CBT training group at Stanford. Cai practices at the Feeling Good Institute in Mt. View, California, and Chan Mary who is pursuing a master's degree as a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner. Cai explains that he'd felt socially anxious and lonely for used, and used the tools in my book, Intimate Connections, when he got tired of dating sites. One crucial thing he learned is that you have to stop “chasing” if you want to find love. Then he met Chan Mary in one of the breakout groups in our weekly training group. Chan Mary said, “I also used to struggle with social anxiety. Even now, on this podcast I have thoughts that I won't be as impressive as Cai. Cai is much better at expressing himself and being vulnerable in front of others. “I've been on a personal journey to get over my intense social anxiety. I've always held back in groups, and have never been the first one to reach out. “After listening to the Feeling Good Podcast's episode on how to overcome social anxiety, I decided to challenge my fears and reach out to Cai. I contacted him and told him I really admired the courage he was showing in his transparency about his feelings, and in his courage to challenge his fears with the many Interpersonal Exposure Techniques we were learning about in our training. “I also decided to try another technique, Flirting Training. I told him that I thought everything he was doing was inspirational, and that I felt close to him.” Rhonda asked about the importance of taking risks if you struggle with social anxiety. Chan Mary explained it like this: “I was extremely anxious about reaching out to someone I didn't know. For me, a simple thank you email and introducing myself was anxiety provoking because I had never done that before. I was also worried about asking too many questions because I didn't want to come off as intrusive or even bothersome.” Chan Mary continues: “After conquering my initial fears of reaching out, I went even further, I invited him to join me for a week in Hawaii as our first date in 2021 for my vacation. I usually went on a medical mission to Cambodia, but couldn't because of the pandemic. So I did the boldest thing ever—I met him in person in Hawaii!” Cai describes the fears he had: “I was scared. I thought, ;what if we get too close and our relationship falls apart.' In fact, after accepting the invite, I called and told her that I'd changed my mind. She got angry, and I realized I had mixed feelings, so I turned to David's Decision-Making Tool. (You can get it for free at the free chapter link on the bottom of the home page of David's website.) “This tool helped me see why I was stuck, so I called Chan Marie back and asked for her forgiveness. I'd been hiding my feelings, so I told her I really liked her and had been afraid of ruining a great relationship.” Chan Mary said: “I was scared, too. But I told myself to trust myself, and that it felt safe to trust him, too.” The rest, as they say, is history. The date was terrific, and after some initial hesitation, Cai decided to move from Texas to California to be with “the love of my life!” Was it all roses from then on? All relationships, I'm pretty sure, have difficulties, and Cai and Chan Mary explained that they both have trouble expressing negative feelings. Cai explained it like this: “I always try to be nice, so I push my negative feelings down, and automatically sweep them under the rug. Chan Mary helps me with this. She pushes me to tell her what I'm upset about. And although it's frightening at first, once we express our negative feelings they kid of fizzle out. Chan Mary has become an expert in David's five Secrets of Effective Communication, and that has helped tremendously.” Chan Mary explained her difficulties with negative feelings like this: “The Hidden Emotion Technique has been helpful for me when I start to feel anxious or upset. I have to reflect and ask myself, ‘What's the deeper issue here?' Often, I don't even know what I'm upset about!” Chan Mary added: “Thank you to David and Rhonda and everyone who made the Feeling Good Podcast possible. I'm just like many of your listeners, and this podcast has been life-changing. The techniques, you shared on the podcast have transformed my life! If I did not take the steps to conquer my social anxiety, Cai and I probably would not be here today.“ Cai and Chan Mary are delightful, and their obvious love is an inspiration in this time of increasing violence in the world and such intense political divide and hatred here at home. I asked where their relationship is heading and Chan Mary hinted that Rhonda and David might be getting invitations to a wedding one day soon! Cai and Chan Mary are two of my favorite people in the whole world. It's a privilege and a blessing to know them and share a little of their lives. This is Rhonda…. "I love Cai and Chan Mary, too. I was in the Tuesday Stanford TEAM Training group for years with Chan Mary, and feel really close to her for lots of shared experiences. I am lucky enough to see Cai every Wednesday in our International TEAM Therapy Training Group, and I always look forward to reading the wise comments he writes on the TEAM certified listserve. Next week, we'll look at the other side of the coin, as Professor Mark Noble leads a discussion on the recent rise in loneliness, which is often associated with social anxiety. Warmly, Cai, Chan Mary, Rhonda, and David  

From her Catholic upbringing Intimacy was not something discussed growing up. It wasn't until Victoria Amiya's own personal journey connecting with her intimacy that she wanted to help others find their own. Victoria helps women rediscover their sensuality and feminine power. Through yoni egg initiations to understanding archetypes Victoria helps women embrace their femininity and find their confidence along the way. Here's what you'll learn:Victoria talks about how her upbringing in Lithuania lacked resources on pleasure, menstruation, self-exploration and how it impacted her. Hurdles clients have to overcome regarding sex, sensualitiy and forming intimate connections with their partners. Women not not knowing themselves enough or the balance between the masculine and the feminine. Inspiring women to find their power and not losing their power by becoming more feminine Being both a feminist and feminine, exploring the queen archetype The yoni egg technique, how to use the crystal and practice certain exercises to strengthen the vaginal canal To learn more about Victoria Amiya, visit her website Victoria Amiya and Your Social Media BFF.

Dvora Entin, LCSW PMH-C discusses how to foster intimate connections with life is under struggle. This class is helpful for all married couples facing struggle in their lives; the focus and examples here present the struggles in building and expanding the family. For feedback or to sponsor an episode, please reach out at podcast@mikvah.org. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/mikvah/support

******CORRECTION****** Prentice Penny is the name of the Showrunner of Insecure This episode is a lighthearted reflection, L.jae does a reminiscent recap of the beloved HBO series 'Insecure' created by Issa Rae. The episode covers the growth of the dynamic characters, the television industry and the visible growth of the creator herself. Let's take a walk down memory lane to reflect on the growth that is the show but also how we can see similar patterns in our own lives. ~Setting the vibe~ This reflection he vibe was set with Sunkissed hand poured coconut wax candle from Vibing Scents Citronella incense by HEM brands (can be bought on Amazon or any Metaphysical Shop) About the host: L.jae is a Midwest native living in the DFW area since 2016. She has a BS in Psychology and has worked in the healthcare field for 8 years. She is a certified Reiki Practitioner offering her services in the North Dallas area. She has a healing center located in Carrollton, Tx. L.jae enjoys getting to know people and connecting on deeper levels, hence 'Intimate Connections' being the name of her healing business and community. The purpose of Intimate Connections and Intimate Reflections is to bring the collective together in pursuit of getting to know oneself in a more intimate way but also to connect with your loved ones and the world in a deeper more whole way. We are all on a path, let's help each other connect. Let's Connect IG: @intimateconnection FB: Intimate Connections- Carrollton Hellointimateconnections@gmail.com Helpful lInks https://linktr.ee/intimateconnections ___________________ Music credit: Mona Wonderlick --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/intimateconversation/message

Rejection Practice: A Love Story, Featuring Dr. Cai Chen Jan 17, 2022 Rhonda starts today's podcast by reading two wonderful recent endorsements from listeners. A therapist from San Jose, Ca was moved and inspired by the two podcasts (Episodes 268 & 269, published 11-15-2021 and 11-22-2021) with Dr. Carly on the tragic loss of her baby via ectopic pregnancy, and another listener described TEAM-CBT as “revolutionary” due to the emphasis on reducing resistance. She compared the approach to the indirect hypnotic approach developed by the late Milton Erikson.  Dr. Cai Chen recently completed his psychiatric residency in Texas, and then moved to California to join the TEAM-CBT community and unite with the love of his life, who happens to be a member of our Tuesday group.  Cai attributes much of his dating success to one of the techniques he read about in my book, Intimate Connections, called “Rejection Practice,” because he practiced that technique to successfully defeat his negative thoughts about all the awful things that might happen if he tried to talk or flirt with an attractive woman.  He would tell himself things like: She'll think I'm being too forward. She'll be offended and might call the police. People who see me trying to flirt will be offended. I'll be rejected.  He described what happened when he forced himself to get 20 rejections in a mall in order to overcome his fears. His stories about what happened are both funny and inspiring.  Cai also describes his initial intense resistance to using this technique, giving himself messages like, “I shouldn't have to learn to flirt because it's beneath me!” I heard excuses like that all the time when I was in clinical practice, working with shy, lonely men!  Rejection Practice is a powerful and potentially super-effective technique you might want to try if you're also struggling with social anxiety or if you treat patients with this problem.  We also illustrated the hilarious Feared Fantasy Technique on the podcast, where Cai enters an Alice-in-Wonderland Nightmare World, and meets the “woman from hell” who represents all of his worst fears, and verbalizes things like this to him: You're assaulting me and I'm going to call the police.  You're the last person I'd ever date! You're forgettable! you You're too forward. I can see that you're very insecure! In addition, he meets the “observer from hell” who verbalizes things like this to Cai:  I'm terribly offended that you tried to talk to that woman.  It's highly inappropriate to flirt like that in broad daylight.  You shouldn't be doing that.  I condemn and reject you! Cai was surprised to discover that the monster has no teeth and experienced some enlightenment and freedom from his fears. Rhonda, Cai, and I had a lot of fun with these techniques, and hope you enjoy them, too. Again, if you're a therapist, you might consider including these techniques if you work with shy individuals.  We also discuss the idea of “Physician, heal thyself,” a quotation from the New Testament (Luke 4:23). We are all convinced that doing your own personal work can vastly increase your skills and depth as a clinician, because you can tell your patients, “I know what you're going through, because I've been there myself. And what a joy it's going to be to show you how to overcome your shyness and develop greater confidence, and more loving relationships with others.” And that's exactly what happened to Cai. He found the love of his life. You'll hear all about it if you listen to this heart-warming podcast!  Dr. Cai is just starting his TEAM-CBT practice at the Feeling Good Institute in Mountain View, California. However, since he is a trained physician and psychiatrist, he can also prescribe medications if patients need them in addition to the therapy. Dr. Cai Chen is a warm and brilliant young psychiatrist. If you would like to contact him, you can contact him at Cai@FeelingGoodInstitute.com, or call him directly at 1-916-877-4749. Thanks for joining us today! If you like what we're doing, tell your friends about the podcasts. Your word of mouth is our main and only source of marketing, since I have refused to monetize the podcasts. So our budget is meager at best.  Still, this year, we'll see the five millionth download of our podcasts. Thanks so much for your support and for making it all happen!  Warmly, Rhonda, Cai and David

In this Bonus Reflection episode L.jae shares a mindfulness exercise from Sonia Choquette called "Diving Deep". To tap into the subconscious and to get to the substance of what you really want out of life, take 3 minutes everyday for 30 days to ask yourself "What would I do if I wasn't afraid?" Set a timer and allow yourself to say the first thing that comes to mind, out loud. Allow those 3 minutes to release any blocks or fears that you may have. Do this for 30 days to unlock hidden potentials. Ex: Set a 3 min timer while you are alone and have some downtime. Ask yourself, "What would I do if I wasn't afraid?" - go on a solo trip to Europe - be more outgoing -stop second guessing myself -talk less do more... etc About the Host: L.jae is a Midwest Native living in the DFW area since 2016. She has a BS in Psychology and has worked in the healthcare field for 8 years. She is a certified Reiki Practitioner offering her services in the North Dallas area. She has a healing center located in Carrollton, Tx. L.jae enjoys getting to know people and connecting on deeper levels, hence 'Intimate Connections' being the name of her healing business and community. The purpose of Intimate Connections and Intimate Reflections is to bring the collective together in pursuit of getting to know oneself in a more intimate way but also to connect with your loved ones and the world in a deeper more whole way. We are all on a path, let's help each other connect. Let's Connect IG: @intimateconnection FB: Intimate Connections- Carrollton Hellointimateconnections@gmail.com Helpful lInks https://linktr.ee/intimateconnections ___________________ Music credit: Mona Wonderlick --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/intimateconversation/message

In this rant the host, L.jae dives into some lessons that can be learned from the recent viral social media topics of rapper Da Baby & Dani Leigh as well as some comments on Summer Walkers new album entitled "Still Over it." This is not a structured episode, these are some general thoughts and lessons taken away from the said incidents on social media. Sit back, laugh, and maybe reflect a little bit. Enjoy

In this episode, host L.jae sits down with a special guest to discuss teamwork, collaboration, and partnership. The purpose of the discussion is to push the conversation forward for the black community on how we can hold hands a walk up the staircase together instead of the mindset that collaboration can only benefit one person. This is a long one but a good one! Grab your snacks and vibe out or listen while you do your chores! Enjoy

We are back for season 2 of Intimate Reflections!!! In this episode, host L.jae discusses 5 lessons learned in 2021 and she also reflects on her 5 year anniversary of living in Dallas, Tx. Five years is a HUGE milestone and there have been some great revelations in that time. This is the perfect reflection to kick off the season 2 of Intimate Reflections. Enjoy

In Japan, the norms of human connection and physical intimacy are evolving, with arranged marriages on the wane, and defacto relationships and same-sex unions no longer rare. As the nature of unions changes, so is the practice of parting, with increases in late-life and women-initiated divorces. What's driving these societal changes in Japan? How are Japan's legislators responding? Gender studies specialist Assoc Prof Claire Maree and cultural anthropologist Assoc Prof Allison Alexy join presenter Ali Moore to discuss the transformation of the Japanese family unit. An Asia Institute podcast. Produced and edited by Profactual - the Podcasting Specialists. Music by audionautix.com.

Kiss and Tell- The Art Of Intimate Connections - Kathy Uyen

Show notes are HERE An extremely important and widely applicable episode where I discuss the exact techniques to create extremely deep and emotionally intense connections. Find more resources at MindKink.net

In this bonus episode, I introduce myself, give some background information on Intimate Connections, as well as discuss my services. You can learn more about the community and my services by following on Instagram @intimateconnection and contacting me via email hellointimateconnections@gmail.com Enjoy

Social anxiety has been one of our most popular topics. It seems like lots of people get anxious in social situations. and a great many have even greater difficulties talking to strangers and people they might be interested in dating. When I was in private practice, social anxiety, and “singleness,” were exceptionally common. In fact, 60% of my patients were single—they’d been divorced and didn’t know how to get back into the dating scene, or, they’d never developed romantic relationships in the first place. So today, we offer more tips and help for people who are afflicted with social anxiety. Rhonda and I are very proud and excited to be joined today by a brilliant colleague and expert on social anxiety, Dr. Jacob Towery. Dr. Towery is a Stanford-trained pediatric psychiatrist, and was a student of mine when he was a psychiatric resident, He practices in Palo Alto and helps teach our weekly Tuesday TEAM therapy training group at Stanford. Today (the day we recorded this podcast) was Jacob’s 41st birthday, so Rhonda and I sang a rousing Happy Birthday for Jacob at the start of the podcast! He kindly tolerated our fairly awful but heartfelt rendition of that classic song. Perhaps you could think of it as our own (fairly mild) Shame-Attacking Exercise. As we begin today’s podcast, Rhonda reads a sad but moving email from Davide, who desperately wants to open up and connect with people on a deeper level, but says “these things scare me like hell.” In his email below, he describes his struggles and lists his negative thoughts about talking to people he doesn’t know. He is especially afraid of Self-Disclosure—telling people that he struggles with social anxiety. To his credit, Davide has made significant progress, has worked hard on challenging many of his negative thoughts and self-defeating beliefs, and already has a girlfriend! But he wants to take his progress and growth to a new level. Here’s the email I received from Davide: Hi David! There is no month that I don't listen to your podcast and take some notes. Yes, you can read my email and use my real name as you like! I really think that your methodology is a breakthrough in self-help and coping with emotions. Also, the new technique of positive reframing is very helpful. When I started using it for myself at the beginning of every daily mood log I really noticed a faster improvement. I completely agree with your vision that it would be better if there weren't schools of psychotherapy but tools that work. Your books and works have really changed my life for better and I'm looking forward your next book Feeling Great! In these two years I have done many Daily Mood Log, I have also done every day for a month the Smile and Hello Practice and I got a girlfriend for the first time in my life! I'm still not very good at breaking my negative thoughts though. I often end up with a lengthy, verbose and not so effective positive thought. Sometimes it seems that I understand rationally that a negative thought isn't true, but I don't feel better. Also, my social anxiety is reduced, but not gone. I still have a lot of social anxiety when I'm around people. I understand the Spotlight Fallacy and Brushfire Fallacy at the intellectual level and I'm definitely improved a little, but still today I can't remember a single good conversation with a person that I don’t know and I'm not very comfortable with. I tried to use the Five Secrets but I can't think of anything good to say in real conversations. I want to do some shame-attacking exercises and also disclosure to random people on the street about my social anxiety, but these things scare me like hell and I don't have the courage to do these exercises. I know that these will help, but I feel really really scared and so far, I haven’t mustered up enough courage. I want to leave home (I'm in Italy) for work in another country in Europe next year, but for me social anxiety is a really huge obstacle. This makes me feel a little sad because I see my social anxiety like a prison. These are some of my anxiety thoughts at the idea of disclosure to random people on the street that I want to go to work abroad but I'm too shy and suffer from social anxiety: I will not be able to say what I want to say because of anxiety. I will stumble in words and an inconclusive thing will come out. The other person will think that I'm completely crazy and I will frighten him/her with my behavior. I should never scare other people with my behavior. In the future I will remember all the things that I said wrong and I will beat myself up over and over again. I will waste the other person’s time when I try to talk to them. I should never waste anyone’s time. If I stop a woman, she will think I'm crazy creepy guy who wants to sexually assault her and I will scare her. The other person won't stop to talk to me and will just go their way, pretending I didn't exist. Sorry for this lengthy email. When I read your response I exploded with joy and I decided to write a lot of things. Thank you, Davide Jacob begins with a personal story of his romantic adventure with a woman he’d just met at a Hot Springs. After talking for a while, some good chemistry seemed to develop, so Jacob asked, “Would you like a kiss?” Jacob immediately backed off when she seemed reluctant. Although he felt slightly rejected, they continued to talk and enjoy each other. Then things suddenly took a surprising and exciting turn in the opposite direction! Jacob emphasizes the value and importance of asking for what you want, and recommends getting “enthusiastic verbal consent” before touching. that’s because non-verbal consent can easily be misinterpreted by both people. In contrast, enthusiastic verbal consent is respectful and empowering toward both people. It leads to less mind-reading and a greater chance of being on the same page with the person you are interested in.  Rhonda acknowledges Jacob's tremendous respect for the person he is dating with his emphasis on "enthusiastic verbal consent." Jacob, Rhonda and David also talked about the Burns Rule: People NEVER want what they CAN get, and ONLY want what they CAN’T get,” and how you can use this rule to your advantage if you avoid being pushy or needy. Jacob used the Burns Rule skillfully, and if you listen to the podcast, you will hear the surprising conclusion! We also discussed the power of playfulness, taking risks, and sometimes being silly. In my experience (DB), people struggling with social anxiety are sometimes way too serious, and this can turn people off, particularly if you want to date. I can speak to that from personal experience, as I struggled with five different kinds of social anxiety when I was a young man! With Jacob’s leadership, we illustrated a number of techniques that might be helpful to Davide, and perhaps to you as well, including: The “Consensual Compliment.” This is a safe, non-threatening way of approaching strangers, especially people you might want to get to know better or even date. Essentially, you ask a stranger if they’d be open to receiving a compliment. Jacob and Rhonda demonstrate this technique with role-playing, and explain what to do if the person seems negative or ambivalent, or if the person says yes. I suspect that Jacob created this awesome method. Talk Show Host. This is a great, non-threatening way to make conversation with any stranger in any circumstances. David and Rhonda illustrate it in a role-play. Shame Attacking Exercises. You do something bizarre in public to make a fool of yourself, so you can overcome your fears of looking foolish. Dr. Towery is one of the world’s most creative and funny teachers of this techniques, and I recounted one of his incredible Shame-Attacking Exercises in the Macy’s Department Store near Stanford. Smile and Hello Practice. You force yourself to smile and hello to ten strangers each day. Rejection Practice. Instead of trying to get a date, you try to collect as many rejections as possible, so you can get over your fear of being rejected. I (DB) once skipped medical school classes for two weeks and did rejection practice all day long every day with a young friend, Jeff Evans (aka Spyder). We both had a 100% rejection rate, but it helped us get over our fears. The late psychologist, Dr. Albert Ellis, also emphasized the value of the rejection practice he did in New York when we was a young man. He asked 200 women in a row for a date in one week. They all said no, except for one, but she didn’t show up for the date! But he said this helped me overcome his fears as well, and he ended up with an incredibly rich dating life and even ended up writing an advice column in a men’s magazine for several years. Jacob said that he's experienced many rejections as well, and agrees on the importance of overcoming this fear! Externalization of Voices. You talk back to your Negative Thoughts. Jacob, Rhonda, and David illustrate this powerful method, using the seven Negative Thoughts in Davide’s email. Jacob strongly recommended several other resources, including podcast 197 with Dr. Matthew May as well as several of David’s FB Live videos on flirting, featuring Dr. Angela Krumm (part 1) and (part 2)and Kyle Jones. My book, Intimate Connections, is a bit dated now, but the wisdom and techniques in this book will be invaluable for anyone in the dating scene. Lots of people have told me that they started dating and got married after a long period of loneliness because of that book! Jacob has recently published a book on depression for adolescents and teenagers called “The Antidepressant Book,” which is available on Amazon. If you have or know of a young person who is struggling with depression, this book might be a great gift for him or her! My own new book Feeling Great, was released September 15, and is also available on Amazon (see the link below.) It features all the new TEAM therapy techniques, and is geared for therapists as well as the general public. If you would like to contact Dr. Towery, feel free to visit his website is www.jacobtowerymd.com . Rhonda and David

In this episode of True Wealth, Catholic evangelists Dave Baconi and Maria Smith talk about an intimate connection between the crosses in our lives and "new life." Intimate connections - relationships - is what the human person is created for, intimacy is the very essence of man and woman. Intimacy first and foremost with God, and then with others. The lack of an intimate relationship with God and others is at the root of so many (all?) problems, it is the cause of despair. Intimacy with God and others is the source of hope and love - of "New Life." (July 27, 2020)

Scarborough Dude talks about used bookstores, self-esteem, President Trump, white fragility, church sold for better use, his cat, report cards, growing up in Quebec, home made lunch, good but depressing films.

This week we meet with Candice “Candy” Harper, professional love coach and matchmaker, to discuss what finding love is like in the year 2020. Between cancel culture, social injustice, a pandemic, and quarantine – how does someone begin to make a genuine connection with another human who wants to make a difference in the world alongside them?Now is the time to listen and learn. If you have a story of an experience you would like to share, please email us or contact us on social media for a chance to have your story read on our podcast. Email: womenafpodcast@gmail.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenafpodcast/ Facebook: www.facebook.com/womenafpodcastTwitter: https://twitter.com/womenafpodcast About our guest: Candice Harper, host of “Ask for Candy” Self-care, Soul Connections, & Sweetness is a Relationship Coach with 8 years of experience working with singles and couples to create healthy relationships through unconditional self-acceptance. Her work is a combination of modern growth techniques, Strategic Intervention and Rapid Transformational Therapy incorporated with her own curriculum, entitled Empowering Practices for Intimate Connections, The EPIC Intensive. She is also a Certified EFT practitioner, in practice to become a licensed hypnotherapist and a facilitator of Forgiveness for Healing.For two years she was a guest relationship expert on the Bill Cunningham Show and Arise 360. She’s also a professional Matchmaker with the premium dating service Tawkify.Tune in to Ask for Candy every Wednesday Eve live or download from Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartradio or wherever you get your podcasts.… Find Candice at: https://candiceharperlovecoach.com/ Find more information about, and how you can be a part of, making an impact with the Black Lives Matter movement, check out tinyurl.com/blmforever for a constantly updated list of opportunities to take action, donate, support Black owned business and so much more! Visit tinyurl.com/blmforever for more information.  Become a Patreon supporter for exclusive behind-the-scenes material, to vote on topic ideas, get a bunch of great freebies, and more at www.patreon.com/womenafpodcast. Supporting our sponsors helps support the podcast! Check out all of our show sponsors and see what great deals and free stuff we have for our listeners! https://womenafpodcast.com/pages/sponsors www.womenafpodcast.com Women AF is produced by Mortar Box Media and Engineered by Adam Rostad. Intro and Outro Music is SQZ by Shane Ivers. Check him out at silvermansound.com.

Loneliness has existed since the dawn of time.  I frequently receive questions from lonely individuals wanting to know how to connect, and how to find companionship, intimacy and love.  Lonely men ask me, "How do I talk to women?"  Lonely women ask, "How can I find a good man?" Regardless of your gender or gender identity, you may struggle to find a loving romantic partner for a variety of reasons, some of which I have outlined in my book, Intimate Connections.  Although dating can be an incredibly stressful, disappointing, and time-consuming hassle, there are tremendous rewards for those fortunate enough to connect and develop an intimate relationship. So today, we address some of those issues. Our special guest today is Dr. Matthew May.  He is a former student of mine, a good friend of David and Rhonda, a regular on the podcast, and a loving wonderful man. Today, Matt brings us a wealth of information for those interested in improving their dating lives, based both on his clinical work, as well as his own experiences overcoming social anxiety, falling in love and being in a loving relationship. Matt begins with an inspiring reminder of why we would go through all the trouble, stress and disappointment inherent to dating, highlighting some of the rewards that await those who are persistent, including how good it feels to be understood, accepted, loved and cherished by someone who feels the same towards us.  The poetry of his writing is beautiful and inspirational. He also provides some common-sense guidelines for individuals who are interested in dating, so they can do so safely.  We then delve into more psychologically complex and personal matters. Here are Matt's tips on maintaining safety when you are dating someone you don't know for the first time--for example, it might be someone you may have met on the internet. Although these tips are primarily for the protection and safety of women, they may also be helpful to men who are dating. 1.      The first time you meet someone you've met on the internet, meet in a public place, like a restaurant or coffee shop, where you'll be safe. 2.      Use your own transportation. Don't let someone you've never met pick you up, because then you'll be vulnerable in case things don't go well. 3.      Tell someone you know where you're going, and when you're going to return. 4.      Get to know the other person as much as possible. What does s/he do, who are his or her friends, and so forth. 5.      Don't provide any identifying information, including your date of birth, to anyone you've just met on the internet, as you could be vulnerability to identity theft. Sometimes the most charming people are scam artists. 6.      Listen to your intuition. If you have a creepy feeling about someone you're thinking of dating, pay attention to it. Something might be "off" about the other person. 7.      Don't drink too much, as you could become a victim of date rape, especially if the man slips a sedative chemical in your drink. 8.      Give (or ask for) consent prior to any touching. Matt emphasizes that emotional vulnerability is the price tag on intimacy, and this can be frightening because we all naturally fear rejection. Matt defines emotional intimacy as being seen as our true and vulnerable self, so we are accepted for who we really are. He talks about how most of us have a deep yearning for this kind of relationship, and yet struggle to be vulnerable and open in ways that make intimacy possible. Rhonda, Matt and David describe the delicate balance between game playing--which can be crucial in the early stages of dating--and vulnerability, which can lead to a meaningful and lasting relationship. Some people try to skip the game-playing stage, thinking it is too superficial, and try to jump right into vulnerability the moment they meet someone they like. This often leads to rejection. People like to have fun, and you don't always have to be "heavy" or overly "sincere." But too much game-playing can leave you feeling lonely as well. I describe a patient I once treated who was almost unbelievably successful in the dating arena. You might even say he was an incredibly effective womanizer. But he felt tremendously lonely and anxious on the inside. He was handsome and charismatic, and got tons of sex, but wasn't really happy. Matt describes another common barrier to successful dating, especially in men: entitlement and anger. He says that he, like many lonely men, used to think that "women should like me the way I am," and "I shouldn't have to put on airs to date." Years ago, I pointed out that Matt was not dressing in a very sexy way, and suggested a change might be in order. Matt insisted that he shouldn't have to, and that women should love him just as he was! I asked Matt to fantasize about his ideal woman. Matt described a woman who's looking terrific--great clothes, nice hair, makeup, and so forth. Then I pointed out that most women are looking for pretty much the same thing--a man who dresses well and looks his best. I urged Matt to get a good "sex uniform" for dating--in other words, get some great, sexy clothes and look your best--it can make a tremendous difference. Rhonda and Matt discuss the fear of being alone, which is one of the great barriers to finding love. Overcoming the fear of being alone must be done first; then dating will become far easier because you will no longer be needy. The Neediness Problem--telling yourself that you NEED love to feel happy and fulfilled--can drive people away and lower your attractiveness. That's because of the Burns Rule: People NEVER want what they CAN get, and ONLY want what they CAN'T get. So if you're needy, you'll be desperate, and you'll be what people can get. Then they won't want you. Life works like this on many levels, and not just romance. When you think you need something, it eludes you. When you let go, and no longer "need" that thing, it tends to come to you. When you discover  that you can be completely happy when you're alone, then you won't "need" a loving partner any more. This will put you in a much stronger position, and people will be more attracted to you because you won't be so needy and available. I can show you how to overcome the fear of rejection and the fear of being alone in the first section of my book, Intimate Connections. Although it's perhaps one of my lesser books, it can be helpful if you're struggling in the dating arena. Many people have told me that this book helped them find someone to love and marry after years of frustration and loneliness. So, what's the secret of sex appeal? Some people think it's based on looks. Other people think it's based on power, status, or wealth. Well, if you're gorgeous, powerful, and wealthy, you will find that dating is a lot easier because lots of people will be attracted to you. But those are not the secrets of sex appeal, and they do not guarantee a successful marriage. I have treated many people who were gorgeous and tremendously successful, but they still suffered from severe depression and intense loneliness. Matt and Rhonda reveal the real key to sex appeal for individuals of any gender or gender identity:  self-confidence. This is pretty basic: if you think you're hot, you're hot. And if you think you're not, you're not. When you're feeling depressed, lonely, and insecure, developing self-confidence and sex appeal might  seem impossible, but we are convinced that the magic of sex appeal and happiness can happen for pretty much anyone. For those who are interested, there are lots of step by step tools to help you achieve greater self-confidence in Intimate Connections. Matt describes how I helped him with his own social anxiety when he was a psychiatric resident, and how his love life suddenly went from rags to riches. One of the techniques that helped him the most was when I gave him a homework assignment to do "Rejection Practice." This exercise helps you get over your fear of rejection. I asked Matt to collect 25 rejections from attractive women as fast as possible, so he could confront this fear and discover that life still goes on after rejection. You will be entertained and charmed by his delightful and surprising story. Dating problems and social anxiety have always been my favorite topics because of my own fairly severe social anxiety when I was a young man. In addition, when I was in clinical practice in Philadelphia, 60% of my patients were single. Some of them were divorced, and unable to get into the dating game, and some of them had never found a loving partner in the first place. I just loved working with this population. it was so rewarding to help my patients find self-love first, and then the love of another special person. In fact, that's why I wrote Intimate Connections. I just love to show people how to overcome their shyness and "singleness" and get partnered up! With love, Rhonda, Matt and David

Rhonda and David address five fascinating questions in today’s podcast, including these: “I’m incredibly shy. How do you talk to girls?” How did you get over your fear of vomiting? Do you still use behavioral techniques like Exposure? Should I try to include the E and A of TEAM when trying to crush my negative thoughts on my daily mood log? And how would I do this? Please give us a podcast on how to express anger. Nandini writes: I have zero experience dating and talking to girls. I don't know how to even make girl as friend. Whenever I talk to a girl, the next day I think “How should I talk to her?” Should I go to her because now she wants me to talk to her? Which makes me very nervous. And also. if am talking to a girl I think about when I will have to go to her next time. When I’m doing my work, I think should I go to her, because she works in our office. Means I don't know how to do that! Can you help? Rhonda and David respond with some simple advice, but encourage all listeners to use the search function on his website to get lots of great links to helpful material on just about any mental health topic, including flirting, dating, shyness, or just about anything. In additon, my book, Intimate Connections, could be really helpful to Nandini, as well as my books, When Panic Attacks and The Feeling Good Handbook, that all have extensive sections on anxiety. You can find all of them at my books page (https://feelinggood.com/books/). In addition, we’ve recently featured several podcasts on shyness and social anxiety, including: 128: Intense Social Anxiety–I’m Losing Control! What Can I Do? 134: Smashing Shyness: Part 1 135: Smashing Shyness: Part 2 169: More on Social Anxiety–the Case for Vulnerability 142: Performance Anxiety: The Story of Rhonda, Part 1 143: Performance Anxiety: The Conclusion 088: Role-Play Techniques —Feared Fantasy Revisited How did you get over your fear of vomiting? DB, I know you probably don't remember me because it's been years since we emailed, but you helped me via your Ask The Guru section of your old website years ago and we occasionally emailed back and forth after that. Which reminds me to once again thank you for your books and how you've dedicated your life to your work. It has made a difference in my life and I would imagine literally millions of others. What a wonderful thing. I stumbled upon an article about you in the Stanford Magazine from 2013 and learned something I didn't know -- you suffered at one time from a fear of vomiting. I've dealt with that since I was a kid. It's not as severe now as it once was, but I'm wondering what CBT methods might be useful for that particular issue. (No chance I'm taking ipecac syrup!). I know you're busy so I understand if you can't answer, but wanted to reach out anyway. Thanks in advance, Steve  Do you still use behavioral techniques? Dear Dr Burns, I really appreciate your efforts in this area cognitive behavioral therapy, but your efforts and techniques are so powerful and you use them so efficiently that almost no time you have to use the behavioral part of it as patients seem to be relieved enough with cognitive work. One thing I am curious about is that if you can't get enough response with cognitive work, and if you have to use the exposure model, and the patient is afraid of exposure because he or she goes into a severe state of anxiety, depersonalization or derealization symptoms and feels like gonna go crazy and lose control, would you still push him or her to the cognitive exposure and are there any risks of it? Thank you very much. Jordan  Should I try to include the E and A of TEAM when trying to crush my negative thoughts on my daily mood log? And how would I do this? Dr. Burns, It would be impossible for me to heap sufficient praise over you and your podcasts because I've really gained an intangible amount of benefits and continue to learn something actionable from both on a weekly basis. I'm currently finishing Feeling Good Together and am finding the experience transformative. I wanted to see if I could ask you a question regarding the Daily Mood Log and crushing negative thoughts. I'm completely on board with the notion of fractal psychotherapy and the idea that all of our negative emotions will be captured in a single negative thought and by crushing it, we will feel substantial relief and even euphoria. I've been using the Daily Mood Log to inconsistent effect. I write down my negative thoughts, identify the distortions and then identify statements to attack that thought that are 100% true. Perhaps I am rushing through the exercise too quickly, as I try to make it a daily habit. But is it possible I'm missing an element? I've noticed in your live therapy that you allocate a sizable chunk of time to Empathy and Agenda Setting. Is it possible that the E and A in TEAM's absence in my Daily Mood Log is stunting my progress? Is there a way and should I be implementing both into the exercise? I would appreciate any input you have on this question and I look forward to continuing to listen to the podcast as new episodes come out, along with your new book and App! Best regards, Tommy Dr. Burns, Thank you! I’d be happy for you to use my first name. I’ll look out for it in the upcoming podcasts. Have a great rest of the week. Tommy Please give us a podcast on how to express anger! Hey Dr. Burns, I’m loving the podcast, and my favorite podcasts are the Ask David and Live Treatment ones! Also, I can’t wait for the new app and book! I did have a question, which I can go into more detail if need be. Specifically, what podcasts and book would you recommend for anger? I’m unsure how to express anger in a productive way (in my relationship), and would love more guidance and practice prior to trying to use the 5 secrets “live”. Thanks in advance! Thanks for listening today, and thanks for all the kind comments and totally awesome questions! David and Rhonda

Corinne tells me about [1:50] how her husband has made her feel sexier than she ever felt before, [4:15] how becoming a new mother created a challenge for her to feel sexy with her husband, [5:00] loosing her mother catapulted catapulted her into depression, [5:40] why Oh La Lari was created, [11:35] visualizing a goddess helps her channel her sexy, [12:15] her SEXY, [13:12] her mom’s group gives her support from women and is something she believes all women need, [19:00] finding balance between being a wife, a mother, and an entrepreneur, [21:55] what’s next for Oh La Lari, [27:20] every day she tells her kids how much she loves their daddy, and [30:05] the physical and character trait she finds sexy about herself.

  Rhonda and David discuss two challenging questions submitted by listeners like you.  Question #1: Cindy asks: My suicidal daughter refuses to talk to me! What can I do? Comment: Dear David, I stumbled upon you teaching in another podcast a few months ago. Immediately I was stunned by how much your words echoed in my mind. I have listened to your book three times in Audible and many of your podcasts. You Changed my life!!! I am much more relaxed now and I can sleep!!! I talked about you with my massage therapist and she bought your book for her daughter (who has anxiety attacks) and her niece. Her daughter is an aspiring artist who said that she would buy your book and give them away to teens when she becomes famous. I now ask you to change another life, that of my daughter's. She has been depressed for more than 20 years, suicidal (bought a noose, watches suicide movies, talked about ways to kill herself) and no therapists could help. We went to therapy together this past summer and it only ended that she abruptly canceled and is no longer responding to me by any means: phone, text, card, or email. The last time I saw her was late August and she was very down and had very poor personal hygiene. I have since sent her a loving text at least every other day, I offer to drive to her city (an hour away) to have dinner with her, I sincerely apologized for everything I could think of that I have done wrong since she was a child, I sent gifts to her by mail, I invite her to come for holidays, I ask her cousins to call (she did respond to them). No response to me at all. I am wondering how to communicate with a loved one who just totally shut you off. Always your fan, Cindy Thank you, Cindy. Sorry to hear about your daughter, very concerning. My heart goes out to you. Our own daughter had a rough time as a teenager, too, but now is doing great. I hope things evolve with your daughter, too. This podcast may help: https://feelinggood.com/2019/10/28/164-how-to-help-and-how-not-to-help/ as well as this one: https://feelinggood.com/2019/02/04/126-how-to-communicate-with-someone-who-refuses-to-talk-to-you/ The first podcast highlights common errors in trying to “help” someone who is hurting, and emphasizes how to respond more effectively, using the Five Secrets of Effective Communication. The second podcast illustrates how to get people to open up using one of the advanced secrets called “Multiple Choice Empathy / Multiple Choice Disarming. My book, Feeling Good Together, explains these techniques in detail, with practice exercises, and includes an entire chapter on how to talk to someone who refuses to talk to you. You can learn more on my book page. (https://feelinggood.com/books/). Some support from a mental health professional might also be helpful to you, as these techniques sound simple, but are actually challenging to master. Your daughter might also benefit from my book, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy (https://feelinggood.com/books/). It is not a substitute for treatment from a mental health professional, but research studies indicate that more than 60% of the people who read it improve significantly in just four weeks. It is inexpensive, and I’ve linked to it if you want to take a look. All the best, David Question #2: Lorna asks: How can I deal with my jealousy? Comment: Hi David, I've recently discovered your books and your podcast and CBT has really been helping me in my personal life. I really want to thank you for all the amazing work you do!! The issue I'm having however seems to still really get my moods down and I was wondering if perhaps you could offer some general advice via the podcast. I'm in a great relationship but the ex-girlfriend of my partner has recently moved back to the city where we live and now we are in similar social circles. They were together for a very long time and now I'm really struggling with the prospect of spending time with her. When we all spend time together, it’s actually fine, but afterwards I really struggle with thinking about them together, getting to know her and thinking about her personality and how we compare. I think most people would find this uncomfortable, but it really has triggered a downward spiral for me. My partner and I argued about it and I struggle to let things go that were said in arguments. Do you have any advice on dealing with a situation of an ex-partner being on the scene and perhaps how to not dwell on things that were said during arguments? Thanks, Lorna Hi Lorna, Thanks, might work. What does this mean: “Do you have any advice on dealing with a situation of an ex-partner being on the scene and perhaps how to not dwell on things that were said during arguments?” The rest of the email seems to suggest feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and so forth, as if she is a threat to your current relationship. is this correct? David Hi David, Thanks so much for getting back to me! I don't actually think she is a threat to our relationship, and don't feel that they have feelings anymore for each other, but it just makes me super uncomfortable to think about how long they spent together. I'm always comparing our relationship to what I think their relationship was like in the past. I know I should stop thinking about those things but I really struggle to stop! I know my partner and I are very much in love but I keep having thoughts like “It’s not fair that I have to spend time with her,” or “I feel really guilty because he wants to be friends with her but can't due to how I feel about the situation.” I also feel like he blames me. I was hoping you could shed some light on what you think in general is a good strategy for dealing with situations where an ex-girlfriend/boyfriend of your partner is on the scene and you all have to spend time together. I do have feelings of jealousy and insecurity but I struggle to understand why as I don't believe they want to be together anymore at all. We had a few arguments about it initially where he said things like “you are just angry that I have an ex-girlfriend” or “what's the big deal about it all?” I was so hurt by the way he made my feelings seem petty and trivial. We have both apologized but I keep remembering what he said and how hurt it made me feel. Do you have any advice on letting go of past arguments when the 'problematic situation' (ex-girlfriend being around) is still on-going? Thank you so much! Lorna David and Rhonda discuss this question, and include David’s story in Intimate Connections as a medical student when David had a broken jaw and the ex-boyfriend of Judy, the girl he was living with in Palo Alto, charged into his house with a tough-looking friend and demanded to see Judy. David called the police, and the two fellows left and set, "we're going to get you!" David was terrified, since his jaw was still broken, and got some jaw-dropping advice the advice from his buddy, Sergio. You will be surprised to hear about what happened next! In addition to learning to "let go" of jealousy, Rhonda and David discuss many additional strategies for dealing with jealousy, including: Use of Self-Disclosure Positive Reframing: do you really want to give up your jealousy and vigilance? Cost-Benefit Analysis: Is it worth the hassle of constantly being suspicious, as opposed to simply deciding to trust and let the chips fall here they may? Downward Arrow: What are you the most afraid of? Love Addiction Fear of Rejection Fear of Being Alone Overcoming the fear of being alone and the “need” for this man’s love, or any man’s love, is discussed in the first section of Intimate Connections. Exposure: You could fantasize the two of them together, making yourself as anxious and jealous as possible, until the feelings diminish and disappear. Self-Monitoring: Counting your thoughts about them on a wrist counter or cell phone for four weeks. David describes his work with an intensely jealous law student after his girlfriend broke up with him so she could date another fellow in his class. Understand the frequent ineffectiveness of apologizing, and why it doesn’t work! This is really important. David describes a powerful vignette about a troubled couple, where “I’m sorry” was CLEARLY a way of saying “shut up, I don’t want to feel about how hurt and angry you feel.” The Five Secrets of Effective Communication are a vastly more effective way of dealing with negative feelings. David and Rhonda contrast effective vs. dysfunctional “apologizing.” While it can be important to say "I'm sorry," this formulaic response is usually insufficient because it often ends the conversation but the difficult or hurtful feelings remain. What's important to add is talking about the other person's feelings, thoughts and experiences of the conflict and sharing your own thoughts and feelings.  When you say, "I'm sorry," it's sometimes insufficient because it often ends the conversation, but the difficult or hurtful feelings remain. What's important to add is talking about the other person's feelings, thoughts and experiences of the conflict and sharing yours. After David emailed Lorna with the outline for the podcast, Lorna replied: Hi David, Thank you sounds great! Can’t wait to listen to the episode. I think I will definitely order your book - I think it’s the only one missing for me to have the complete collection. Thanks again! Lorna Thanks for listening today! By the way, if you are looking for CE credits or training in TEAM-CBT, my upcoming workshop on therapeutic resistance on February 9, 2020 will be a good one. You'll learn how to use the techniques described in today's podcast. See below for details and links! David

Today's podcast features Michael Simpson, a friend and colleague of Dr Burns, who describes his personal battle with social anxiety. Dave Fribush will again be our host, since Rhonda is celebrating the important religious holiday of Yom Kippur with her family. Michael first became acquainted with David when he read David’s book, When Panic Attacks, which he says was SO GOOD! But when he went to David’s website, www.feelinggood.com, he was shocked to see so much terrific free content for people, but the website was not well-presented. In fact, it was pretty sucky! So, Michael sent David a brief video, pointing out all the problems, and offered to redo the website in exchange for some help with his social anxiety—and the relationship took off from there! Michael describes his own experiences with social anxiety, which amounts to slight to moderate nervousness, tension and dis-ease during interactions with people. There is no apparent pattern to his triggers: he can become anxious (or not) around friends, strangers, men, women he is attracted to, and women he is not attracted to. He experiences the anxiety physically: butterflies in his stomach, tension around his face and a general tightness in his body. He is usually unaware of his negative thoughts, which involve fears of looking weak, being judged by others because of his anxiety, and being unable to connect with others while he is feeling anxious. He usually tries to hide all of these fears. In addition, his social anxiety does not appear to inhibit him — he is a tall, handsome, articulate man, and when he confides his social anxiety to others, they are usually extremely surprised that someone who outwardly appears so confident could possibly be struggling with social anxiety.  Michael describes one of his first “homework assignments” from Dr. Burns, who suggested that instead of hiding his anxiety, he should approach attractive women he encounters on the street and simply tell them that sometimes he becomes anxious when speaking to attractive women. The purpose of the exercise was to confront his fear (Exposure) and do a real-world experiment to find out if his fears of being judged are realistic.  Opening up about his anxiety was very challenging for Michael, to say the least, given that he had spent most of his life trying to hide it. He describes walking around Times Square in New York City, procrastinating, and trying to muster up the courage to follow through on his assignment.  So, he finally approached a woman from Brazil whom he found exceptionally attractive. He kind of had to chase after her to stop her to tell her. We can call her Adrianna. Adrianna did not judge or reject Michael, and the two of them seemed hit it off tremendously. And they talked and hung out together every day. Michael described their relationship as one of the deepest and most fulfilling relationships he’d ever experienced. He was amazed by Adrianna’s warmth, compassion, and openness, and appreciated the respect and love she conveyed to everyone she met. Michael also describes visiting her and spending a week together in Brazil after she returned home. One of the take-home messages for Michael was that vulnerability, rather than trying to be cool, or trying to impress people that you have it all together, is the real key to intimacy and joy in our relationships with others. Dave Fribush and David Burns feel very indebted to Michael for his awesome work on today’s podcast. Michael hopes his experiences will be helpful to any of you who have also struggled at times with social anxiety. My new website makeover will probably be launched by the time you read this, so let us know what you think! It's will be at the same address: www.feelinggood.com. If you are struggling with social anxiety, you might also enjoy my book, Intimate Connections. It's now a bit dated, but the ideas can still be tremendously helpful. Here's an unsolicited endorsement I recently received from a young professional woman: "I’d like to share a story about a book I started reading on my trip to Asheville this past weekend.  On the plane, both tears and uncontrollable laughter simultaneously streamed from my face while reading the Intimate Connections book.  No more peanut butter and jelly sandwiches telling myself what a loser I am!" ZR David

Happy Thanksgiving if you live in the United States! This is my favorite holiday, because it means just hanging out with the people you love, eating some wonderful food together, and doing simple things like a family hike, without the commercialism and "push" of some of the other holidays. I wish the very best to you and yours, too! Today, Rhonda could not join us due to Yom Kippur, the highest Jewish holy day. So we will record three podcasts with my wonderful neighbor, Dave Fribush, as host. In addition, we are joined by Michael Simpson, who flew out from New York to attend my Empathy workshop two days ago. He will also join the Tuesday group at Stanford tonight. Michael is doing a massive upgrade / fast lift of my website, www.feelinggood.com, which will likely be published by the time you read this. Let us know what you think about the new "look." Dave Fribush, Michael and I answer many thought-provoking questions submitted by listeners like you! 1. How can I overcome my fear of blushing? Hi David, Hopefully this reaches you well. I am dealing with Erythrophobia (the fear of blushing) and have been having issues with going out with friends, being in public, in work meetings, etc. The weird part is that I don't even get red, but the visualization in my head is so vivid sometimes (Kool-Aid man) that I believe it. Sometimes, if I think about it long enough (like an internal panic attack for 20+min), I get kind of red. . . . Currently, I am trying to just break this habit and I have been reading your book When Panic Attacks and it has been pretty good at helping me. I have been facing my fears and going out into public and hanging out with friends; I'm kind of anxious on the inside of getting red all of sudden, which puts me on edge. I look in the mirror and see that I am not red, but it’s been hard to train my brain to believe it. I started reading your book five days ago and it has helped a lot already. Since then, I have been able to accept I don't mind being occasionally red or nervous and I'm fairly confident, but I struggle to accept the idea of being perpetually red? Part of me wants to accept the idea that "Eff-it! If I'm red, I'm red! That's who I am,” but another part of me knows that it's not true; occasionally I might blush but it’s not the norm. Please let me know if you have any advice. I think this might be a great podcast topic because I know a lot of people with Rosacea deal with anxiety and I'm sure that would help a lot of others. Best, Alex Hi Alex, I have a awesome podcast on the fear of blushing! You might find it helpful (Podcast #88, published on May 14, 2018.) I cannot do therapy through this medium, so this is just general teaching, but exposure / self-disclosure in one method you could use. You could tell 5 to 10 strangers every day something like this: “Could I speak to you for a moment? I’ve had the fear of blushing almost all of my life, and I’ve been hiding it from everybody out of shame. But today, I’ve decided to stop hiding and being ashamed, so I’ve decided to tell people, and that's why I'm telling you.” You’ll find tons of additional ideas in the podcast and in one of my books, like the one you’re reading, When Panic Attacks, as well as The Feeling Good Handbook. Actually, blushing is NEVER a problem. The only problem is the shame. Without the shame, the blushing, like shyness, can be an asset, making you more human and more appealing. Also, on my Sunday hike yesterday, we were joined by a young Stanford dermatologist who showed us some photos and videos of a new laser treatment for rosacea, which is similar to blushing. Apparently, the treatment is quite effective. Thanks, David 2. How can you get over a broken heart? Hi David, First of all, I would like to thank you from my bottom of my heart for the wonderful jobs you are doing. I have a question regarding aftermath of divorce and searched feelinggood.com for any post but I couldn't find any. My best friend is going through divorce process and he cannot forget the good memories he had with this wife. He still loves her so much and would like to continue their relationship but she's not interested in that. They have been separated for 4 years and he tried his best to bring her back. How can I help him move forward? Those good memories are haunting him? Thanks, Didi Hi Didi, Thanks for your terrific question, as most of us were rejected by someone we loved at some point in our lives. You’re in luck! We just recorded a podcast on how to help a friend or loved one who’s hurting, and by the time you read this, it will have been published. It's Podcast #164 on “How to HELP, and how NOT to Help!” It was published on October 28, 2019. You can find the link on the list of all of the published podcasts on my website. I would definitely listen before trying to "help" your friend! Resources for your friend might include the book I wrote on this topic, which is called Intimate Connections. One of the themes is that rejection could never upset a human being—only distorted thoughts about being rejected. This book can be helpful to the many people who have been divorced, or who have broken up with someone they loved, and are having trouble getting back into the dating game effectively, as well as the many people who are having trouble getting into the dating game for the first time. Another great resource for him would be the chapter on the Love Addiction in Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. It describes a woman who had just been rejected by her husband, who was having an affair with his secretary, and she was telling herself that she couldn’t be happy without his love. The story had an amazing outcome, and might be very helpful for your friend. Of course, motivation is incredibly important. Your friend might not want to be “cured,” so to speak, since his depression and thoughts about his Ex keep the relationship alive in his mind, and also give him an excuse to avoid dating and developing new relationships, which can be anxiety-provoking and effortful for just about anybody! David 3. How would you treat someone with anorexia nervosa? This question was submitted by our friend, Professor Mark Noble, on behalf of one of his colleagues at the University of Rochester. I, David, explain what anorexia is, and describe my experience with an anorexia patient I treated in Philadelphia when she was discharged from the inpatient unit. I emphasize the need for the TEAM-CBT technique called the Gentle Ultimatum, since the patient didn't want o maintain her weight at a safe level, and just wanted to talk talk talk during sessions without doing any psychotherapy homework.  I also describe the “Coercive Therapy” also called Family Therapy for anorexia,  developed at the Maudsley in London, and we talk about how the same principle—getting the parents to work together on the same team, with firmness, intense mutual support, and compassionate insistence—works for almost any problem children are having. However, this requires the parents to support one another, and work together as a strong and loving team, and many parents who are in conflict will find it difficult to do this, since the urge to argue and fight can be so powerful. Then the parents sacrifice the well-being and happiness of their children in the name of ongoing war (blame, fighting, sticking up for “truth,” and so forth). Dave F. and Michael Simpson ask why this approach of getting parents to work together, can be so incredibly powerful and helpful to children. David

Rebekah and Jesse talk about bad hookups, and the difference between hooking up and having an intimate emotional connection with someone. Spoiler alert: Jesse cries.Send Us Your Stories!Twitter: @badwordpodcastInstagram: @badwordpodcastGmail: badwordpodcast@gmail.com  

As as Believer what is your perception of love, sex, marriage and intimacy? Many individuals have different views when it comes to this topic. I have found that for some our parents either were afraid to talk about this matter. Or in my case they tried to put the fear of God in their children by providing false information. My mother had three daughters and being the oldest I believed that she was going to have me spaded. It was not until I visited Petco as an adult I learned differently. And talking to peers, older siblings and other relatives for some also also ended with unhealthy results.  When it comes to enhancing ones understanding about God's design for sex or intimacy many have found that their curiosity  got them in trouble.What does the bible say about love, sex, itimacy, marriage and being a Christian? Join Mavis McKnight a pastor's wife, sex coach, Clinical Sexologist, Certified Life Coach, Published author and the CEO of Intimate Connections as she shares with Christian Wives as well as husbands how to enrich their sexual relationship. She will provide information as to how to become creative, and bring more fun and excitement to their initmate lives. Live 4/16/19 at 11:30am Pacific. Call 516 387-1914 to join in on the conversation or to ask questions.

Today I'll be talking about the work of Dr. David Burns, a brilliant psychologist and author of Feeling Good and Intimate Connections (and many more.) I came across Dr. David Burn's Work many years ago during a dark period of depression and anxiety in my life. The strategies he taught me through his book were life changing and helped get me out of the rut I was in. Feeling Good: The New Mood TherapyIntimate Connections: The Clinically Proven Program For Making Friends And Finding A Loving PartnerGet the free guide Copy And Paste Texts For When He Is Pulling Away Or Acting Flaky: https://www.ambergrubenmann.com/copy-and-paste-texts-for-when-he-is-pulling-away-or-acting-flakyInterested in sharing your dating question on the show? You can schedule a free call if you allow me to record it and possibly share it with the Women's Dating And Confidence Podcast audience. Message me on Instagram if you are interested! @ambergrubenmannTHANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for being here and showing up boldly. Please let me know how to improve your listening experience and serve you. Have a great day!

What kind of magic are you creating in your life this week? In today's Magic Monday episode, we're sharing some of the latest magic from the community - people coming together and getting grounded and centered amidst the crazy ongoings of life. Also children setting examples of mature and healthy behavior. Plus some intimate relationships and sexual connections. The Make Everyday YourDay Podcast is empowered by the YourDay Balance Game. To learn more and sign up for the YDBG app for free, go to www.theydbg.com.

Tony Kurre and Dr. Josh Klapow interview Dr. Misty Smith about reigniting the spark after a dry spell, #BehindTheCurve, #SpyStories, and Tony's Dog Dilemma.

Mavis McKnight Mavis McKnight is a Marriage and Intimacy Coach and the CEO of Intimate Connections. She educates women on sexual awareness and coaches them into healthy, satisfying, sexual and romantic relationships. The women she educates are empowered to go back into the bedroom and are able to develop conversations with their husbands, so they […] The post The Married Girlfriend appeared first on Princess Power.

The conversation in this week's episode of The Sacred Medicine Podcast could easily have been all about sex and been extremely raunchy. However, the topic that kept coming up was one many women often complain about -  the lack of connection between the sheets. Christina and Stephanie from the T&A Talk Sex Podcast join me this week to dish on all things sex, one night stands, being vulnerable, connecting with your partner and more! We jammed on: The importance of vulnerability How to use the power of seduction to create connection Ways to develop a sense of depth during sexual intimacy What is Cuddle work and what men crave Ways to bring more touch into  your life and stop feeling so hungry for it Show notes: http://www.margaretromero.com/episode58  

John 12:42; 1. Corinthians 10:16; 1. John 1:3; Acts 2:42 / Jan 12:42; 1. Korinským 10:16; 1. Janův 1:3; Skutky 2:42

For well over a decade, Thomas Mangum has been quietly making connections that have yielded millions for individuals and organizations looking to create a greater impact with their products, services and causes. That means strategic partnerships, clients and ultimately making an impact in lives. As an accomplished radio talk show host, interviewer, voiceover artist and communication skills evangelist, Thomas has worked and played with scores of leaders from around the world that are making an impact through intimate connection. His motto is "Skip the small talk and move directly to the Large Talk", which is where the conversation really starts. The reality is most people completely screw up professional networking and wonder why it never feels right but they go through the motions of what they think they "have to" do anyway. That leads to even more resentment of the process. Through Learn To Connect NOW! and Becoming a Masterful Networker, Thomas is finally showing others exactly what he’s doing to cultivate connection, being noticed in a sea of noise and most importantly be remembered without compromising what he values most... intimate connection.

Find out how to build intimacy and test compatibility with a potential love match or to deepen intimacy and passion with your partner in 4 hours–as intimacy expert, Dr. Winn www.WinnHenderson.com chats with Hadley Finch, founder www.TribeOfSingles.com dating site where great singles find great love in the world's first guided love quest. Don't waste valuable […] The post A Lasting Love – Intimate Connections-The Fastest Way To Increase Intimacy and Romance appeared first on WebTalkRadio.net.