Unraveling Adoption

"So the piece that I most resonate with the Dialectical Behavior Therapy is it's one of the therapies that really understands this core feeling of feeling overwhelmed and like you don't want to be alive." - Sharon Stein McNamara EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Sharon Stein McNamara, a licensed psychologist and adoption-competent therapist. Sharon, an adoptee herself, shared her personal journey and the profound impact of adoption on her life, particularly during her adolescent years when she faced suicidal thoughts after a breakup. We delved into the complexities of adoption and how they can lead to feelings of self-loathing and overwhelming distress, especially among adoptees. Sharon introduced us to Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), a therapeutic approach that has been particularly effective for adopted adolescents and young adults. She explained how DBT incorporates mindfulness and distress tolerance skills, which are crucial for individuals who may feel their emotions are too intense to manage. Throughout our conversation, Sharon emphasized the importance of recognizing and validating these feelings rather than dismissing them. She shared her own experiences with DBT and how it helped her and her clients navigate the challenges of attachment and self-worth. We discussed the significance of shifting core beliefs about oneself, especially for adoptees who may struggle with feelings of being unwanted or unworthy. Sharon's insights provided hope and practical tools for families and individuals impacted by adoption. She encouraged listeners to never give up hope on adoptees, as the right support and understanding can lead to healing and growth. I hope this episode resonates with anyone who has been touched by adoption or is seeking effective therapeutic tools to support themselves or their loved ones. Thank you for joining us, and please share this episode with anyone who might benefit from Sharon's expertise. ===============

"I was one of these slight skeptics; I was like, well I've been breathing all my life, what can breathwork do for me?" -- Kellan Bacon Hear the transcript of this episode here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JKBNQJYFFZT18Z0XSMHHTH37 EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Kellan Bacon, a gender-expansive, transracial adoptee from China, who was adopted as an infant in 1998 and now resides in Cardiff, Wales. Kellan has recently launched a professional practice called Kai Ming Holistics, where they utilize breathwork and other embodied modalities to support others on their healing journeys. Kellan shared their personal adoption story, highlighting the complexities and challenges they faced growing up in a transracial family. They discussed the common narrative of being "saved" through adoption and how they eventually came to realize the profound impact of adoption trauma on their life. This awakening occurred during a mental health crisis around the age of 20, leading Kellan to explore their identity and the interconnectedness of their experiences as an adoptee and a queer individual. We delved into the transformative power of breathwork, a healing modality that Kellan discovered during the COVID-19 pandemic. They explained how breathwork can help individuals access and process trauma stored in the body, particularly for adoptees who may have pre-verbal or pre-cognitive trauma. Kellan emphasized the importance of having a trained guide during breathwork sessions to ensure safety and support. ===============

"I think she had a deep ambivalence about me, knowing me, having a relationship with me from the very beginning." -- Susan Kiyo Ito Read the transcript of this episode here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JJYRPQ0EJEGKW4GNXFMCA8CV EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Susan Kiyo Ito, a writing professor and author of the memoir I Would Meet You Anywhere. Susan's book, a culmination of 30 years of work, explores her journey as a biracial adoptee—half Japanese and half white—who was adopted at three and a half months old by Japanese American parents. We delved into Susan's origin story, her relationship with her adoptive parents, and her deep desire to connect with her birth mother, Yumi. Susan described Yumi as a charismatic yet ambivalent figure, reflecting on the complexities of their relationship and the cultural stigma surrounding adoption in Japanese society. Throughout our conversation, we discussed the emotional weight of adoption, the challenges of identity, and the universal longing for connection that many adoptees experience. Susan shared how writing her memoir was a healing process, allowing her to articulate her experiences and put down the burdens she had carried for so long. We also touched on the misconceptions surrounding adoption, particularly the notion of "luck," and how important it is for adoptive parents to support their children in their search for identity and connection without imposing their own feelings onto them. As we wrapped up, Susan encouraged listeners to embrace their stories and consider the power of sharing their experiences. Her insights and reflections provide a valuable perspective on the complexities of adoption, making this episode a must-listen for anyone impacted by adoption or interested in understanding its nuances. ===============

"The most healing thing for me now has been the support of other adoptees." -- Dave Sanchez-Brown Read the transcript of this episode here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JJD8EF1R7VJ6J0V5GXRWXJY4  =============== EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Dave Sanchez-Brown, an adoptee who has bravely navigated the complexities of adoption, mental health struggles, and addiction. Dave shared his adoption story, which took a significant turn after he read Dani Shapiro's memoir Inheritance. Inspired, he decided to take a DNA test, leading him to uncover his biological family and the trauma associated with his past. He discussed the overwhelming emotions that surfaced as he connected with his roots, including the discovery of a family history marked by addiction. Throughout our conversation, Dave highlighted the importance of community and peer support in his recovery journey. He emphasized that finding others who share similar experiences has been more therapeutic than traditional therapy. We also touched on the stigma surrounding addiction and mental health, and how society often lacks empathy for those struggling. As we wrapped up, Dave offered valuable advice for adoptive parents, urging them to be aware of their children's emotional needs and the potential for feelings of alienation. He encouraged parents to seek their own healing to better support their kids. This episode is a powerful reminder of the resilience of the human spirit and the importance of connection in healing. I hope Dave's story inspires listeners to seek support and understanding, whether they are adoptees, adoptive parents, or anyone affected by mental health challenges. Thank you for joining us, and remember to stay safe and connected. ===============

"It's a deep rooted fear of every adoptive parent that the parent will get rejected." - Dr. Asra Ali Read the transcript of this episode here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JHS4S4K9DW0G3AZRZKWG970A =============== Join Unraveling Adoption's in-person Adoption Healing Quest in Seal Beach, CA on February 8, 2025. More info and registration here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/adoption-healing-quest-an-interactive-event-for-the-adoption-community-tickets-1095804814699?aff=oddtdtcreator =============== EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Dr. Asra Ali, an adoptee from India whose adoption was facilitated by Mother Teresa. Dr. Asra shared her unique adoption story, highlighting the positive experiences she had growing up in a loving family that embraced her identity as an adopted child from a young age. We delved into the cultural narratives surrounding adoption in India, discussing the historical preference for male children and the significant shifts that have occurred over the years. Dr. Asra explained how adoption practices have evolved, moving from informal arrangements to more structured legal processes to combat issues like human trafficking. As a psychologist and child and family therapist, Dr. Asra works with adoptive families in India, helping them navigate the complexities of adoption. She emphasized the importance of honesty and emotional support for adopted children, noting that many adoptive parents struggle with insecurity and often keep the child's adoption a secret. This can lead to emotional disconnects and challenges for the child. Throughout our conversation, Dr. Asra provided valuable insights into the common mistakes adoptive parents make and the need for open communication about adoption. She also shared her mixed feelings about her own adoption, reflecting on the unanswered questions regarding her biological family. Listeners will find this episode enlightening as we explore the intricacies of adoption in India and the universal themes that resonate with adoptive families worldwide. Dr. Asra's work is a testament to the importance of understanding and supporting adopted children, and I encourage anyone interested in this topic to reach out to her for guidance. ===============

"I was able to kind of reinvent myself into who I probably would have been at some level had I not been adopted." -- Brad Ewell Read the transcript: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JGAR0QVDBKHQG88R7JAJ292Z EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the honor of speaking with Brad Ewell, a late discovery adoptee (LDA) who learned about his adoption at the age of 48. Brad shared his shocking journey of self-discovery after taking an ancestry DNA test, which revealed a truth that had been hidden from him for nearly five decades. He discussed the confusion and betrayal he felt upon learning that everyone around him had known he was adopted, while he had no idea. Brad reflected on his upbringing, his struggles with identity, and how he tried to fit into a life that never felt quite right. Our conversation also explored Brad's reconnection with his biological family, including his birth father, who had been incarcerated for decades. This relationship has provided him with unexpected closure and understanding. Brad emphasized the importance of community and therapy for those navigating similar experiences, highlighting the need for openness in adoption. His story serves as a powerful reminder of the significance of truth and the healing that can come from embracing one's identity. =============== Join our in-person Adoption Healing Quest in Seal Beach, CA on February 8, 2025. More info and registration here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/adoption-healing-quest-an-interactive-event-for-the-adoption-community-tickets-1095804814699?aff=oddtdtcreator RESOURCES: Brad's information: Here are all of Brad's blog posts and links: https://linktr.ee/LDA_BRAD?utm_source=linktree_profile_share<sid=1bf18b6f-2423-47a2-b68d-431ac6c7bc13 Right to Know organization: https://righttoknow.us/ Find Brad's adoption account on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/a_late_discovery/ Find Brad's art on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cut_and_shoot_art?igshid=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA%3D%3D Other resources mentioned in this episode: Fred Nicora's another LDA that Brad mentions. He was an Unraveling Adoption episode guest too: https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/id/26549451 ===============

"I truly felt the weight of the world telling the story. I felt like it was a great responsibility, but I had to do it." -- Kristal Parke Read the Transcript here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JG7AR0SN4Y6M7WW6E7WEK0AT EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Kristal Parke, a talented filmmaker and adoptee, about her acclaimed documentary, Because She's Adopted. As we kick off 2025, we are excited to offer a replay of our conversation, which dives deep into the complexities of adoption and the personal journey Kristal undertook while creating her film. Kristal shares her experiences growing up as a Canadian adoptee, her reunion with her birth mother, and her struggles with addiction and identity. We discuss the unique aspects of her story, including the impact of her Indigenous heritage and the challenges she faced in reconnecting with that part of herself. Kristal's film has resonated with many, winning awards and touching the hearts of viewers, including her own family and film crew. Throughout our conversation, we explore the emotional weight of telling one's story and the healing that comes from vulnerability. Kristal's journey not only highlights the importance of understanding adoption from multiple perspectives but also emphasizes the ongoing impact it has on families and future generations. Join us for a screening of Because She's Adopted on January 11th, 2025, where you can engage with Kristal and ask questions about her powerful work. This episode is a heartfelt reminder of the complexities of adoption and the importance of sharing our stories. Thank you for listening, and I hope you enjoy this insightful conversation with Kristal Parke. Join Kristal for an online screening of Because She's Adopted on January 11, 2025, at 4pm PST / 7pm EST, including a Q&A with Kristal afterwards.  More information and tickets are here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/online-screening-of-kristal-parkes-documentary-because-shes-adopted-wqa-tickets-1097838266809?aff=oddtdtcreator ===============

"We followed her lead. And so there was a lot of laughter and there was a lot of beauty." -- Jessica Fein Read the episode transcript here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JG2GNT8VS6BJTW0VGKSK3 PVA EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Jessica Fein, an adoptive mother and author of the memoir Breath Taking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes. Jessica shares her family's deeply moving and complex journey through adoption and the heartbreaking experience of losing her middle child, Dalia, to a rare genetic disorder. We began by discussing Jessica's family's path to adoption, which was initially rooted in a long struggle with infertility. After years of trying to conceive, Jessica and her husband decided to pursue adoption, ultimately leading them to adopt three children from Guatemala. Jessica eloquently describes the joy and chaos of raising her children, but also the challenges they faced when they began to notice developmental issues with Dalia. As Dalia's health declined due to a rare mitochondrial disease, Jessica opened up about the emotional and practical challenges of caring for a child with a degenerative condition. She shared the struggles of navigating the medical system, the frustration of being more knowledgeable about Dalia's condition than some healthcare providers, and the profound love that persisted throughout their journey. Throughout our conversation, Jessica emphasized the importance of finding joy amidst the sorrow and the lessons she learned about control and certainty in parenting. She highlighted that while we cannot control the outcomes of our children's lives, we can choose how we respond to the challenges we face. Jessica's story is a testament to resilience, love, and the complexities of adoption. I encourage listeners to check out her memoir, Breath Taking, and her podcast, I Don't Know How You Do It, where she continues to share stories of families navigating unimaginable circumstances. Thank you for joining us in this heartfelt discussion, and I hope it resonates with anyone touched by adoption or facing similar challenges. ===============

"I didn't realize how strong I was until, you know, I got into therapy and started to understand all the things that I've overcome." - Ron Jenkins Read the transcript of this episode here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JFJJKB7XP00HAV5P6H6ETQGJ EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Ron Jenkins, a remarkable individual whose journey through the complexities of foster care and adoption is both harrowing and inspiring. Ron's story begins with the tragic loss of his mother as a young child, leading him and his siblings into the foster care system. He was eventually adopted by a woman who, rather than providing a safe haven, exploited the system for drug money, resulting in a chaotic and violent environment. Ron candidly shares the trauma he experienced, including the loss of several brothers to violence and the pervasive fear that defined his childhood. Despite these challenges, he made a conscious decision to steer clear of gangs and drugs, ultimately finding a mentor who changed the trajectory of his life. This mentor not only provided guidance but also became a father figure, helping Ron navigate his way to a football scholarship at Fresno State University. Throughout our conversation, Ron emphasizes the importance of self-advocacy, therapy, and the need to break the cycle of trauma. He encourages listeners, especially men, to seek help and recognize that they deserve the same opportunities as anyone else. Ron's journey of healing and his commitment to helping at-risk youth through mentorship and advocacy work is truly inspiring. We also touched on the impact of sexual abuse in Ron's life and how it shaped his relationships. He highlights the importance of addressing these issues through therapy, which has been instrumental in his healing process. As we wrapped up, Ron shared exciting news about a movie being made about his life, and he invited anyone interested in supporting this project to reach out. This episode is a powerful reminder of resilience, the importance of community, and the potential for transformation, even in the face of overwhelming adversity. I hope Ron's story resonates with you and inspires you to seek help, advocate for yourself, and support others in their journeys. ===============

"I use the language of supply and demand because this is a market-based system and it's uncomfortable for a lot of people, right? Because you're talking about a supply and demand of human beings." -- Gretchen Sisson Read the transcript here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JESZ6VPKJMRTMRHX6ZMBHDB7   EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Gretchen Sisson, the author of the acclaimed book Relinquished: The Politics of Adoption and the Privilege of American Motherhood. Gretchen's work stems from a decade-long qualitative sociological study that delves into the experiences of relinquishing mothers and critiques the American adoption system. We discussed her journey into this research, which began while she was working with pregnant and parenting young people in Boston. Gretchen highlighted the stigmatization of young motherhood and the disconnect between societal narratives and the lived experiences of these women. Her research emphasizes the complexities of adoption, particularly how it intersects with issues of reproductive health and justice. Gretchen shared insights from her book, revealing that the majority of women who are denied access to abortion end up parenting their children, with only a small percentage choosing adoption. This led to a discussion about the implications of the recent Dobbs decision and its potential impact on adoption rates, as well as the troubling commodification of children within the adoption system. Throughout our conversation, we explored the reactions to her book from both the adoption community and the broader public. While many adoptees have resonated with her work, some adoptive parents have expressed defensiveness. We emphasized the importance of listening to adoptees and understanding the systemic issues surrounding adoption. Gretchen also touched on the need for better support systems for both adoptive parents and adoptees, advocating for a more nuanced understanding of family structures and the complexities of parenting. We concluded with a call to action for listeners to engage with the voices of adoptees and to consider the broader implications of adoption in our society. I encourage everyone to check out Gretchen's book, available in various formats, and to connect with her on social media. Thank you for joining us in this important conversation about adoption and its many layers. ===============

"I...sometimes I forget that I'm Asian unless I see myself in a mirror." -- Nathan Nowack Read the Transcript: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JEAFSD4KFY07AFGENGAPDN7A EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Nathan Nowack, a Korean adoptee, professional photographer, and co-host of The Janchi Show. Nathan shared his adoption story, having been adopted from Korea at just five and a half months old and raised in a predominantly white community in Oklahoma. He reflected on his childhood, noting the lack of cultural representation and the challenges of navigating his Asian identity in a world that often sees him as different. We discussed the complexities of transracial adoption, including the impact of his parents' approach to race and culture. Nathan emphasized the importance of understanding and acknowledging one's racial identity, especially in a society that often overlooks these nuances. He shared his experiences with microaggressions and the emotional toll they can take on adoptees, highlighting the need for greater awareness and sensitivity. Nathan also spoke about his involvement with KAAN (Korean American Adoptee Adoptive Family Network) and how connecting with other adoptees has been instrumental in his healing journey. He described the sense of community he found there and the importance of sharing diverse adoption stories, acknowledging that each experience is unique. As a father of three multiple-ethnicity children, Nathan is committed to helping them understand their cultural heritage. He shared how he incorporates Asian traditions and celebrations into their lives, ensuring they have a strong sense of identity. This conversation was rich with insights into the complexities of adoption, identity, and community. I hope listeners find Nathan's story as inspiring and enlightening as I did. Be sure to check out The Janchi Show and connect with Nathan on Instagram for more of his journey and perspectives. Thank you for joining us, and I look forward to our next episode! ===============

"I think now that we have this knowledge, then we can use our story to help create awareness." - Lori Evans Ermi Read the transcript here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JDRMT4Z5RGJ6SD35WBFBT4PM EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of welcoming Lori Evans Ermi and her 17-year-old daughter, Kate Ermi, both of whom are adoptees and co-wrote their new book, Adoption Songs. Our conversation delved into the complexities of adoption from their unique perspectives, highlighting the emotional layers that come with their experiences. Lori shared her journey as a domestic adoptee from the baby scoop era, detailing her late discovery of her adoption at the age of eight and the trust issues that arose from that revelation. Despite having loving adoptive parents, she faced challenges in her identity and connection to her biological roots. Kate, on the other hand, has always known she was adopted and has navigated her own path of understanding her heritage, which was further illuminated through DNA testing. We discussed the creation of Adoption Songs, where each chapter is framed as a track, with contributors choosing songs that resonate with their adoption stories. The book aims to provide a broad perspective on adoption, acknowledging both the joys and the inherent losses that come with it. Lori emphasized the importance of music as a healing tool, and Kate shared her lifelong passion for music, which has been a source of comfort for her. Throughout our conversation, we touched on the significance of community and shared experiences among adoptees, as well as the need for more resources and support for young adults in the adoption community. Lori and Kate's commitment to raising awareness and fostering understanding about adoption's complexities is truly inspiring. I encourage listeners to check out their book and visit their website, adoptionsongs.org, for more information and resources. Additionally, I shared details about an upcoming event, Adoption Healing Quest, which will take place in February 2025, aimed at exploring various healing modalities within the adoption community. Thank you for joining us in this important conversation, and I hope you find the insights shared by Lori and Kate as enlightening as I did. ===============

"I almost feel like there was a blueprint, and I was a character to fit into that blueprint." -- Tim Perdion Episode Summary: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the opportunity to speak with Tim Perdion, an adoptee from Ohio who has spent the last decade navigating his journey of self-discovery and healing. Tim shares his experience of being adopted shortly after birth and the feelings of not belonging that plagued him throughout his childhood. Despite growing up in a loving family, he struggled with anger and a sense of isolation, which led him to seek validation through sports and relationships. As a teenager, Tim turned to substances to cope with his internal struggles, leading to a reputation for overindulgence in high school. After facing personal crises in adulthood, including two divorces, he sought help at a trauma and addiction clinic, where he began to confront the deeper issues related to his adoption. Tim highlights the lack of focus on adoption-related trauma in traditional recovery settings and emphasizes the importance of vulnerability and community for male adoptees. He introduces the concept of the "orphaned heart," describing the emotional barriers adoptees build to protect themselves from feelings of abandonment and rejection. Tim encourages younger male adoptees to explore their inner worlds and seek support, reminding them that they are not alone in their struggles. This episode is a heartfelt exploration of the complexities of adoption, the significance of community, and the power of vulnerability. I hope Tim's story resonates with many and inspires others to seek understanding and connection in their own journeys. ===============

"The plants are always turning everything upside down because our culture is upside down." -- Mee Ok Icaro EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I, Beth Syverson, welcome back Mee Ok Icaro, a previous guest who has shared her profound insights on adoption and healing through plant medicine. This episode is particularly special as we recorded as we prepared for an ayahuasca retreat in Costa Rica, where I participated in my first ceremony under Mee Ok's guidance. We begin by discussing our feelings as the retreat approaches. I express my excitement mixed with a hint of fear, acknowledging that this experience is far outside my comfort zone. Mee Ok shares her own anticipation and the unique challenges of leading a retreat for the first time, emphasizing the importance of focusing on personal healing rather than taking on the burdens of others. Mee Ok elaborates on the concept of leadership in the context of plant medicine, contrasting it with traditional views. She explains that true leadership often involves humility and a willingness to learn from others, rather than a desire for power or control. This perspective shifts the narrative around what it means to guide others in their healing journeys. As we delve deeper into the preparations for the retreat, we discuss the rigorous dieta we have both been following. This dieta involves strict dietary and behavioral restrictions designed to prepare our bodies and minds for the transformative experience ahead. I share my struggles with giving up my phone and certain foods items and the impact of reducing external stimuli on my mental clarity and emotional well-being. Mee Ok and I also touch on the broader implications of accessibility to plant medicine, particularly for marginalized communities. We discuss the challenges faced by individuals from lower-income backgrounds in accessing these healing modalities and the need for a more equitable approach as psychedelics become more mainstream. Throughout the episode, we reflect on the importance of integration and preparation in the healing process. I share my personal journey with ketamine treatment and how it has helped me move away from antidepressants, highlighting the significance of active engagement in one's healing journey rather than passively relying on substances. As we conclude, we express our excitement for the upcoming retreat and the potential for profound transformation. We plan to record a follow-up episode after the retreat to share our experiences and insights gained during this journey. Join us as we explore the complexities of adoption, healing, and the transformative power of plant medicine in this thought-provoking episode. ===============

Finding Empowerment through Sex Work as a Korean Adoptee with Kayla Tange "I can be in my body, and in that moment, I feel safe." -- Kayla Tange   EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Kayla Tange, a Korean adoptee raised by Japanese-American parents. She has navigated a unique and complex journey through life as an exotic dancer, performance artist, and sex worker. Kayla shared her adoption story, detailing her early life in an orphanage in Seoul before being adopted at six months old. We explored how her experiences with ADHD and autism influenced her career choices and her desire for connection. Kayla candidly discussed her entry into the world of sex work, revealing how it provided her with a sense of empowerment and control over her body—something she felt was taken from her during her adoption. Throughout our conversation, we touched on the themes of identity, belonging, and the emotional complexities that come with being an adoptee. Kayla's reflections on her work and the connections she forms with clients highlighted the often misunderstood aspects of sex work, challenging stereotypes and emphasizing the agency she feels in her choices. Kayla also read a powerful piece from her contribution to the anthology Whorephobia, which delves into her experiences and emotions surrounding her adoption and her work. Her insights offered a profound understanding of the intersections between adoption, identity, and the search for belonging. This episode is a deep dive into the complexities of adoption and the ways in which individuals navigate their identities and experiences. I encourage listeners to reflect on Kayla's story and the broader implications it has for understanding adoption and the diverse paths that adoptees may take. ===============

"I thought I'll go to the embassy and I'll clear this up. Yeah, that I was adopted legally and I was US citizen." -- Mike Davis   READ THE TRANSCRIPT HERE: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JB3BV6BMN0QQD1M7BWPZEVPK   EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Mike Davis, an intercountry adoptee whose story sheds light on the often-overlooked complexities of adoption, particularly regarding citizenship issues. Mike was adopted from Ethiopia at the age of eight by an African-American single father and grew up in the U.S. However, in the mid-1990s, he discovered that he was not a U.S. citizen, despite his father's efforts to complete the necessary adoption paperwork. In 2005, Mike was deported to Ethiopia, a country he barely remembered, where he faced immense challenges, including language barriers and a lack of support. He shared the harrowing details of his deportation, including being dropped off at the airport with only the clothes on his back and a small amount of money. Mike's story is a stark reminder of the potential pitfalls in the inter-country adoption process and the devastating impact it can have on families. Throughout our conversation, Mike emphasized the ongoing struggles he faces, including the inability to access benefits he contributed to while working in the U.S. and the emotional toll on his family, including his wife and children, who have also suffered due to his deportation. We were also joined by Maureen McCauley, an adoptive parent and advocate for Mike, who has been instrumental in raising awareness about his situation and has created a GoFundMe to assist with his legal and medical expenses. Together, we discussed the broader implications of Mike's story, including the urgent need for legislative change to protect the rights of all adoptees, particularly those who are at risk of deportation. This episode serves as a call to action for listeners to educate themselves about the complexities of adoption and to advocate for the rights of adoptees. We encourage all Americans to support the Adoptee Citizenship Act and to reach out to their Congressional representatives to help ensure that no adoptee has to endure the hardships that Mike has faced. Thank you for joining us in this important conversation. ===============

"I can read a book and tell you if it's written by an adoptee, written by an adoptive parent or written by somebody who's just a famous author and someone told him to write about adoption and they know nothing about it." -- Allison Olson EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Allison Olson, an adoptee and adoptive parent who has made significant contributions to children's literature on adoption. We explored her personal adoption story, which began in 1979 when she was adopted as a baby in a closed adoption, and how her experiences shaped her perspective as both an adoptee and a parent to an adopted child. Allison shared her insights on the evolution of adoption practices, particularly the shift from closed to open adoptions, and the importance of representation in children's books. She expressed her frustration with the common narratives found in many adoption-themed picture books, which often portray adoptees as "lucky" rather than "loved." This inspired her to write her own books, including Surrounded by Love: An Open Adoption Story and Learning About My Friend's Adoption, aimed at educating children about adoption in a balanced and loving way. We discussed the challenges adoptees face in educating their peers about their experiences and the need for more resources that accurately reflect the complexities of adoption. Allison emphasized the importance of normalizing conversations about adoption and providing children with the tools to understand and embrace their identities. Listeners will find Allison's work invaluable, as it not only addresses the needs of adopted children but also serves as a resource for their friends and families. I encourage everyone to check out her books and share this episode to help spread awareness about the importance of thoughtful representation in children's literature. ===============

“I'm telling all the skeptics who may be listening, just go in there with an open mind because you're not going to lose anything. You have so much more to gain.” - Jonathan Moon   EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Jonathan Moon, an adopted person who has navigated the complexities of relinquishment and adoption trauma. Jonathan's journey began in Korea, where he faced significant challenges as a child, including living on the streets and experiencing significant instability. He was adopted to the U.S. at the age of nine and has recently embarked on a path of healing and self-discovery. Jonathan shared his unique story, including his reunion with his grandmother through a Korean TV show and the emotional complexities surrounding his birth family. He discussed the struggles he faced growing up, including the impact of his father's alcoholism and abuse, and how these experiences shaped his identity. Throughout our conversation, Jonathan emphasized the importance of community and connection among adoptees, highlighting how sharing similar experiences can foster understanding and healing. He also opened up about his journey toward healing, which has included acting classes, therapy, and alternative healing practices like myofascial release and ketamine therapy. Jonathan's story is a testament to resilience and the ongoing process of healing from trauma. He is currently working on an artistic film titled Voice of Waters, which aims to share his experiences and insights with a broader audience. I encourage listeners to check out his website and support his work. ===============

"I think my mom does a great job addressing this in the book, but open adoption is not without its challenges." - Belle Sexton Episode Summary: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the honor of speaking with Linda R. Sexton, an adoptive mom and author, and her 25-year-old daughter, Belle. This marks our first mother-daughter duo on the podcast, offering a unique perspective on open adoption. Linda R. Sexton is an author, speaker and blogger. She is an adoptive mom of two children, both in open arrangements, and is the author of the award-winning book, The Branches We Cherish: An Open Adoption Memoir. The story is told with frank honesty about the grief and joys of open adoption. Linda includes the voices of all four birth parents, birth grandmothers and her adopted children. She has seen first hand how an adopted child can benefit greatly by knowing and connecting with birth parents and other members of their biological family. Visit her website lindarsexton.com to learn more. In our episode, Belle shared her adoption story, highlighting her early life in Texas and the open adoption plan created by her young birth parents. She emphasized the importance of knowing her birth family, which helped her navigate her identity as an adoptee. Linda reflected on the emotional journey of waiting for Belle's birth and the profound moment when Belle's birth mother handed her over in a hospital ceremony. We discussed the complexities of open adoption, including Belle's feelings of adoptee's guilt and the importance of maintaining connections with birth families. Both emphasized that while open adoption can be challenging, it is a better option when compared to closed adoptions. For those of you who enjoyed this podcast and wish to know more, The Branches We Cherish: An Open Adoption Memoir is available on Amazon or can be purchased from your favorite bookseller. There are several families involved in the story and most of the names have been changed to protect privacy. (Since you now know Belle, she is Sofie in the book.)  This episode beautifully illustrates the complexities and joys of adoption, and I hope it resonates with those on similar journeys.  ===============

"The way that fascism triumphs is if everyone goes silent and becomes quiescent." - Mark H. EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I, Beth Syverson, welcome Mark, a transracial adoptee from Korea and a passionate advocate for adoption-related issues. Together, we delve into the often-overlooked intersection of politics and adoption, particularly in the context of the upcoming U.S. presidential election. As an adoptive mom of a 20-year-old son, Joey, who is navigating his own path, I feel a deep responsibility to address the complexities surrounding adoption and how they relate to broader societal issues. This election is particularly significant, as it touches on critical topics such as racial justice, women's reproductive rights, LGBTQ+ rights, and the preservation of our democratic systems. With Joey preparing to vote for the first time, I am acutely aware of the stakes involved and the long-term impact our choices will have on future generations. Mark shares his unique perspective as a transracial adoptee and a gay man, highlighting the challenges he faced growing up in a predominantly white environment. He reflects on the societal norms of his youth, where discussing politics was often taboo, and emphasizes the importance of speaking out in today's climate. Mark articulates the existential nature of this election, particularly for marginalized communities, and the need for individuals to engage in political discourse. Throughout our conversation, we explore the implications of having a woman of color, Kamala Harris, as a presidential candidate. While Mark expresses excitement about her candidacy, he also addresses the racism and misogyny she faces, which resonates deeply with his own experiences of being “other”ed. We discuss how the political landscape has shifted, particularly within the Republican Party, and the urgent need for individuals to recognize and confront systemic racism. Mark and I emphasize the importance of activism, not just in the traditional sense of protests and demonstrations, but in everyday conversations with friends, family, and neighbors. We encourage listeners to engage with those around them, especially in swing states, to ensure that their voices are heard and that they participate in the electoral process. As we wrap up the episode, I invite listeners to reflect on their own roles in advocating for change and to consider how their political choices impact the lives of those in the adoption community and beyond. We urge everyone to vote, to educate themselves, and to have open discussions about the critical issues at stake in this election. This episode serves as a call to action for all of us to be brave, to stand up for what we believe in, and to work towards a more equitable society for everyone, especially those affected by adoption. Thank you for joining us in this important conversation. ===============

“They [our kids] can't be more regulated than you are. They can only be as regulated as the least regulated person in the house.” - Stacey Uhrig EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Stacey Uhrig, an adoptive parent and certified trauma recovery coach. Stacey shared her journey into adoption, which began after her own struggles with infertility. She emphasized the emotional complexities and challenges that come with adoption, particularly the trauma that both adoptees and adoptive parents may face.  Stacey discussed her experiences raising two boys adopted from Korea and the significant insights she gained about trauma, attachment, and the impact of early disruptions in a child's life. We explored the importance of understanding the emotional wounds that children may carry from their past experiences, even before they come into our homes. Throughout our conversation, we highlighted the need for adoptive parents to do their own emotional work in order to better support their children. Stacey shared valuable resources, including her own ebook, What is Trauma Really?, and her podcast, Flip Your Mindset, both of which aim to educate and empower those affected by adoption.  We also touched on the misconceptions surrounding trauma and the importance of approaching parenting with empathy and an open mind. This episode serves as a reminder that understanding adoption trauma is crucial for creating a nurturing environment for our children. I hope this conversation resonates with adoptive parents and encourages them to seek knowledge and support in their parenting journey. ===============

"When I was nine years old,...my parents just looked at each other and looked back at me and said, Michael, we just want to tell you that we love you very much and that you're adopted." -- Mike Thorne ===============

"I tell every adopted person that I meet that their story changes my own story. And it's the truth. It is the absolute truth." - Jessica M. Luciere   In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, host Beth Syverson interviews Jessica M. Luciere, an inter-country, interracial adoptee from Colombia who works at Spence Chapin, a nonprofit adoption agency. Jessica shares her personal adoption story and highlights the importance of adoptee-led initiatives in the adoption community. She discusses the programming she has created at Spence Chapin, including Voices of Adoption for adoptees over 18 and Teen Voices of Adoption for younger adoptees. Jessica emphasizes the significance of community and support for adoptees and adoptive parents, encouraging them to be open, vulnerable, and willing to learn. She also shares her experience of reuniting with her birth family in Colombia and offers advice for adoptees seeking connection with others. Beth and Jessica stress the importance of listening to adoptees' voices and elevating their perspectives in the adoption conversation. Overall, the episode highlights the value of community, support, and understanding in the adoption journey. ===============

"The Church, of course, is doing everything it can to silence victims." - Brendan Watkins EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, the host, Beth Syverson, interviews Brendan Watkins, an Australian adoptee who shares his emotional journey of discovering his origin story filled with religious intrigue. Brendan found out that his birth mother became pregnant in the 1950s and relinquished him for adoption, and later became a nun. He then discovered that his birth father was a Catholic priest. Brendan's memoir, Tell No One, sheds light on the challenges faced by children of priests and nuns. The episode delves into the complexities of adoption, the impact of secrecy and shame, and the need for awareness and support for individuals affected by such circumstances. Brendan emphasizes the importance of mental health support and seeking legal assistance for those in similar situations. The episode highlights the ongoing struggle for justice and recognition faced by children of priests and nuns, urging listeners to educate themselves and support those affected by these issues.  ===============

"I never learned the word stress until I was 14 years old. And I can guarantee you I was very stressed well before the age of 14." -- Rae ===============

"I really want to focus on the collective nature of being stolen, because it wasn't just me. It was the vast majority of Native adoptees." -- Pete Patton Episode Summary: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, co-hosted by Beth Syverson and her son Joey, they interview Pete Patton,LCSW, an Indigenous Inuit adoptee who shares his experiences of being stolen and adopted. Pete discusses the historical context of racism in Oregon and the impact it had on Native American communities there and elsewhere. He also delves into his journey of reconnecting with his Indigenous heritage and the healing process he has undergone. Pete highlights the importance of understanding the collective experiences of adoptees and the need for reconnection with ancestors. The conversation sheds light on the complexities of adoption and the importance of listening to and learning from Indigenous voices. The episode emphasizes the significance of acknowledging and honoring the stories of adoptees and the importance of cultural reconnection for healing.   Photo Credit for cover photo of Pete: Alberto Moreno ===============

Adoption and Suicidality with Joey Nakao, Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao, Bruce Porth, Janell Strube, Laura L. Engel, Lorraine Dusky, Terri Dreismeier, and Melissa Brunetti - Ep 158 "Despite working hard on a daily or moment-to-moment basis to stay alive, the poem revealed a thin thread of hope that by turning toward and befriending my pain, I might just find a way through it." -- Bruce Porth, one of the book's contributors ❤️‍

"I think my mom, my adoptive mom, was probably scared that she was going to lose me to my birth family." -- Elizabeth Barbour

“Love is the biggest and best thing that she did — unconditional love." Desmond DeRoo  

"We have only ourselves. And when I'm thinking about that, I'm thinking how strong we are. Because we have survived and still live and still create and still talk about our history." -- Kâlánguak Absalonsen  

"The experience of being stuck is a pretty good place to be, I think, a lot of times in therapy and life." - Stephen Rowley

Podcast Episode Synopsis:  In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I, Beth Syverson, provide a detailed update on the latest happenings within the Unraveling Adoption community. As an adoptive mom to my son Joey, we are dedicated to delving into the complexities of adoption and providing support to those impacted by adoption. Book Launch Announcement: The main highlight of this episode is the impending launch of our first book in the Unraveling Adoption book series. Titled Adoption and Suicidality, this anthology features stories, poems, and resources for adoptees, families, healthcare professionals, and allies. The book, co-authored by Joey and me along with 14 contributors, aims to open up conversations about suicide, a crucial but often overlooked topic in the adoption community. The book features contributions from 11 adoptees who share their personal struggles with suicidality, as well as three mothers who tragically lost their children to suicide. Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao, an adoptee and psychotherapist, has written the Foreword, lending her expertise to the project. The book is divided into three sections: our family story, contributions from adoptees and mothers, and a comprehensive list of resources for support. Listeners are invited to join the book launch team, where they can receive a free copy of the book in advance and help spread the word on social media. The goal is to reach a wide audience, including therapists, pediatricians, adoption agencies, and individuals with struggling teens. I also discuss upcoming books in the series, focusing on topics like adoption and sacred plant medicine and adoption and ADHD.  Community Engagement: Listeners are encouraged to explore the Unraveling Adoption Patreon, where they can support the podcast and gain access to exclusive benefits. I express gratitude to current Patreon supporters and extend an invitation to join the community. Coaching Services: As a certified coach, I offer coaching services aimed at validating experiences and guiding individuals towards solutions. Special discounts are available for podcast listeners who book coaching sessions in July 2024. ===============

“Psychedelics can offer a portal to other consciousnesses and open spaces beyond our regular reality.” -- Mee Ok Icaro (adoptee) “Psychedelics can be a powerful tool for deep work and accessing feelings”. - Leslie Pate Mackinnon (birth mom) “Psychedelics can lead to transformative experiences, dividing life into before and after the journey.” -- Beth Syverson (adoptive parent)    *********** All adoption constellation members (adoptees, birth/first parents, adoptive parents, and other allies) are invited to a Medicine Circle on July 7, 2024, led by Mee Ok Icaro and hosted by Unraveling Adoption. Register here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/medicine-circle-for-the-adoption-constellationwith-mee-ok-icaro-tickets-925600595297  *********** Episode Summary: In this episode, we are joined by two previous guests, Leslie Pate Mackinnon and Mee Ok Icaro, to discuss the role of sacred plant medicine in their personal healing journeys and its potential to bring the adoption community together. Leslie, a birth mother, shares her experience of coming out of the adoption fog and how plant medicine has helped her access deep-seated trauma, both psychological and physical. She emphasizes the importance of doing thorough research, having a support system in place, and being open to sharing one's authentic self within the adoption community. Mee Ok, a Korean adoptee, highlights the transformative power of plant medicine in connecting with her ancestry and understanding the interconnectedness of her lineage. She emphasizes the need for adoptees to have a voice in the adoption narrative and the importance of collective healing within the community. Beth, an adoptive mother, shares her journey of exploring plant medicine as a means of healing her own trauma and supporting her son through his struggles. She reflects on the role of adoptive parents in collaborating with adoptees and birth parents to create a more compassionate and understanding adoption community. The conversation delves into the challenges and rewards of integrating plant medicine into the adoption healing process, emphasizing the need for compassion, understanding, and collaboration among all members of the adoption constellation. The guests discuss the importance of personal healing as a foundation for collective healing and the potential for plant medicine to facilitate deeper connections and empathy within the adoption community. As the episode concludes, the guests offer insights and advice for individuals interested in exploring plant medicine within the context of adoption, encouraging a mindful and intentional approach to healing and fostering unity within the adoption community. The episode serves as a reminder of the power of compassion, understanding, and shared experiences in promoting healing and growth within the adoption community. ============== RESOURCES: Mee Ok's contact information: Connect with Mee Ok through her website: https://holdingcompassionate.space/ Find out about Mee Ok's November 2024 ayahuasca retreat at Soltara in Costa Rica: https://holdingcompassionate.space/soltara-retreat/ Follow Mee Ok:  on Substack: meeok.substack.com  on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dasmeeok  and on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dasmeeok/ Leslie's contact information: Reach Leslie through her website: https://lesliepatemackinnon.com/ Follow Leslie on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063478541379   Other resources mentioned in this episode: Read Michael Pollan's book, How to Change Your Mind: What the New Science of Psychedelics Teaches Us About Consciousness, Dying, Addiction, Depression, and Transcendence: https://amzn.to/4cehIZF Soltara Healing Center (Costa Rica): https://tinyurl.com/meeok - use MEEOK at checkout for a $200 discount.  Indigenous Medicine Declaration summarized by Mee Ok Icaro: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tttSgW6k9Lfvj3KtPrYJXPJ8jjO_b6QV/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=117433279134255670011&rtpof=true&sd=true Hear Mee Ok's previous Unraveling Adoption podcast episode, “Ayahuasca for Transforming Trauma and Pain with Mee Ok Icaro”: https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/id/28697873 Hear Leslie's previous Unraveling Adoption podcast episode, “A Birth Mother's Perspective with Leslie Pate Mackinnon”: https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/id/25530480   Other Resources: APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoption's Challenges: http://UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude Other Parents Like Me - http://oplm.com Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/ ==============

"Being trans was not in my product description, and my 30-day money-back guarantee return policy has long since expired." -- Sanjay Pulver Read the transcript here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01J0SD1AHPJ1FJB1CNPPBS59TC Episode Synopsis In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of hosting Sanjay Pulver, a transracial intercountry adoptee from India, who shared his unique journey as a trans man raised by white parents in San Diego, California. Sanjay's story sheds light on the complexities of being an adoptee and navigating the intersections of adoption, gender identity, and cultural heritage. Sanjay shared his origin story, revealing his relinquishment in a small village outside of Hyderabad, India, and his subsequent adoption journey to the United States. He discussed the challenges of not having access to information about his biological family and the cultural barriers in India that hinder reunion efforts for adoptees. The conversation delved into Sanjay's experience of questioning his gender identity from a young age and his journey towards transitioning, both socially and medically. He candidly discussed the complexities of coming out as a lesbian before transitioning and the mixed reactions from his adoptive parents, who initially wanted a daughter from India. As a trans adoptee, Sanjay highlighted the additional layers of identity and the challenges he faces in finding acceptance and understanding within both the adoptee and LGBTQ+ communities. He emphasized the importance of allyship and respect for trans individuals, urging listeners to prioritize using correct pronouns and avoiding invasive questions about surgeries or procedures. The episode also touched on the dangers and legislative challenges faced by trans individuals in the current political climate, emphasizing the need for support and advocacy to ensure the safety and well-being of the trans community. ===============

"I think it's really important at this moment for us in our society to understand that we collectively and continuously, in every little micro level ways and macro level ways, differentially value mothers in America, and we are still making decisions that are rooted in really bigoted assumptions, that are rooted in racism." -- Rebecca Wellington Read the transcript: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01J09C5Y6TQQ0BNNNA4NWA8M8Q Podcast Episode Synopsis: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, host Beth Syverson welcomes guest Rebecca Wellington, an adoptee, mom, and historian, to discuss the complexities of motherhood in the context of adoption. Rebecca's new book, Who is a Worthy Mother?, serves as a hybrid memoir and adoption history, delving into the societal perceptions of motherhood and adoption in the U.S. Rebecca shares her personal adoption story, highlighting the challenges and complexities she faced growing up as an adoptee. She reflects on her journey of self-discovery and the impact of motherhood on her understanding of adoption trauma. The conversation touches on the historical context of adoption policies, including eugenics and forced sterilizations, shedding light on the systemic injustices faced by marginalized communities. The discussion also explores the recent overturning of Roe v. Wade and its implications on adoption and motherhood. Rebecca emphasizes the need for a deeper understanding of how societal biases and prejudices shape perceptions of motherhood and adoption. The episode concludes with a call to action for listeners to engage with Rebecca's book, share their reviews, and join the conversation on adoption and mothering. The episode serves as a thought-provoking exploration of the intersection of adoption, motherhood, and historical injustices, inviting listeners to reflect on their own beliefs and perceptions surrounding these topics. ===============

"I'm just enjoying the journey. What happens when the journey is over? Then what? So I'm just chasing the buzz." - Ryan Anderson Read the transcript; or read along while listening, if you have trouble udnerstanding Ryan's lovely Scottish accent: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01HZTEF176BBAYC769S710N7JB Podcast Episode Synopsis: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Ryan Anderson, a foundling and transnational, transracial, and late discovery adoptee. Ryan shared his incredible journey of being found on the streets of Morocco as an infant and later being adopted by an English mother and Moroccan father in Scotland. The revelation of his adoption at the age of 18 sent him on a tumultuous path of self-medication with alcohol and drugs, but he has been sober for 10 months now. Ryan's story is one of resilience and determination as he embarks on a relentless search for his birth family in Morocco. Despite facing challenges such as language barriers and limited resources, Ryan has not given up hope. He has explored various avenues, including DNA testing, visiting hospitals and courts in Morocco, and even appearing on Moroccan TV to share his story. Throughout the episode, Ryan candidly discusses his struggles with mental health, the impact of his adoption on his identity, and the ongoing quest to find his roots. Despite facing negative comments and setbacks, Ryan remains steadfast in his pursuit, driven by a deep yearning to connect with his biological family. As the host, I was struck by Ryan's unwavering determination and vulnerability in sharing his story. His journey serves as a poignant reminder of the complexities of adoption and the profound longing for belonging. Ryan's courage and resilience in the face of adversity are truly inspiring, and his willingness to share his experiences sheds light on the emotional complexities of the adoption journey. ===============

"I truly felt the weight of the world telling the story. I felt like it was a great responsibility, but I had to do it." -- Kristal Parke Read the transcript here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01HZE3F00W8S92RJM8N2F3METT EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of interviewing Kristal Parke, an adoptee and filmmaker behind the acclaimed documentary Because She's Adopted. Kristal shared her journey of self-discovery and identity exploration through the creation of her film, which delves into her childhood, reunion with her birth mother, struggle with addiction, and intentional reconnection with her Indigenous heritage. The film has received critical acclaim and won awards, shedding light on the complexities of adoption. Kristal discussed the impact of her film on her family, crew, and herself, highlighting the vulnerability and growth that came with sharing her story. She emphasized the importance of owning her narrative and the evolution of her understanding of adoption. The podcast episode also touched on the behind-the-scenes process of creating the documentary, including the support of her adoptive family, crew members, and the challenges and joys of filming. Listeners were encouraged to watch the film, which is set to be officially released by fall 2024. Kristal shared details on how to stay connected with updates and screenings. =============== ADOPTIVE PARENTS:

“I didn't want to lose them. I loved them both and I thought, it's hard to think about your life separated. I guess now knowing all that I know about being separated from the first person that I was supposed to be with, you know, I just never wanted to be separated from either one of them.” -- Jane Spreckley   Episode Summary: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, the host, Beth Syverson, interviews Jane Spreckley, an adoptee whose adoptive parents divorced when she was 14 years old. Jane shares her experience of how the divorce activated her abandonment issues and impacted her relationships. She emphasizes the importance of adoptive parents seeking therapy with adoption-competent therapists for their children during difficult times like divorce. Jane also highlights the significance of open communication and compassion within families going through similar situations. The conversation sheds light on the complexities adoptees face during divorce and the need for understanding and support.  ===============  

“I have a hard time believing in love, that love just really exists, that you can love somebody. Then I feel like I have a hard time loving men and stuff, so I wouldn't want them to get hurt if they ever felt like I didn't love them.” - Tammy Murphy Episode Summary: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Tammy Murphy, a Black, same-race, domestic adoptee living in Indiana. Tammy shared her struggles with social anxiety and dissociation, stemming from her adoption experience. She recounted how her adoptive mother's inconsistent responses to her questions about being adopted led to confusion and a sense of not belonging. Tammy also shared her journey of self-medication with substances like alcohol and marijuana to cope with her feelings of disconnect and identity crisis. Despite facing challenges in forming deep relationships and feeling a sense of authenticity, Tammy has taken steps towards healing. She recently started therapy and has begun journaling to identify triggers and coping mechanisms. Tammy expressed her aspirations to become an adoption therapist and to write a memoir titled Two to Forgive, focusing on forgiveness towards her birth mother and adoptive mother. Throughout the episode, Tammy emphasized the importance of honesty in adoptive families, early communication about adoption, and seeking therapy and self-help resources to navigate the complexities of adoption trauma.  ===============

"I'm in a great place, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally." -- Joey Nakao Podcast Episode Synopsis: In this heartfelt episode of Unraveling Adoption, host Beth Syverson welcomes her son, Joey, back to the podcast after a five-month hiatus. Joey, a courageous 20-year-old in recovery from addiction, shares his journey of sobriety and self-discovery with listeners. The episode delves into Joey's recent experiences at Hazelden Betty Ford in Palm Springs, where he is participating in a PHP (Partial Hospitalization Program). Joey reflects on the challenges he has faced during his recovery, including moments of discomfort and the temptation to leave the program. However, he credits the supportive community at the treatment center for helping him stay grounded and committed to his sobriety. Joey opens up about his transformative experiences with meditation, where he received messages of healing and self-preservation. He also discusses his plans for the future, including moving into an apartment with a friend from rehab and continuing his recovery journey. As the episode unfolds, Beth and Joey discuss their upcoming book, Adoptees and Suicidality, which aims to shed light on the connection between adoption and mental health struggles. Joey expresses his desire to be more involved in the podcast and potentially pursue a career in counseling or recovery support. Throughout the episode, Joey emphasizes the importance of honesty, self-nurturing, and community support in the recovery process. He encourages listeners struggling with addiction to stay hopeful and seek help from those who can hold their truth with compassion. ===============

"Taiko drumming is a wonderful way to release lots of negative energy and have it transformed into positive energy. " -- Jennifer Weir Podcast Episode Synopsis: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, host Beth Syverson welcomes guest Jennifer Weir, a Korean adoptee who connected with her Asian identity through Taiko drumming. Jennifer shares her journey of being adopted from South Korea at a young age and growing up in North Dakota with very little Asian representation. Despite facing bullying and struggles with identity, Jennifer found solace in Taiko drumming, eventually becoming the executive director of Taiko Arts Midwest. The episode delves into Jennifer's experience organizing a groundbreaking concert featuring elite women Taiko drummers from Japan, the US, and Canada. The concert, captured in the award-winning documentary Finding Her Beat, highlighted the challenges faced by women in the male-dominated Taiko industry. The film showcases the power of Taiko drumming as a form of expression and healing, resonating with audiences worldwide. Beth and Jennifer discuss the complexities of Asian identity, the importance of processing grief, and the transformative power of Taiko drumming in navigating personal struggles. Jennifer's journey from a Korean adoptee to a Taiko drumming powerhouse serves as an inspiration to adoptees and individuals exploring their cultural heritage. ===============

"...when you're walking around with a sense of loss, or you feel like your first mother or first family don't want you, there's two ways you go about this. Either A, you're going to get really enmeshed and get real clingy because you don't want to lose. Or B, you get this detachment, and as adoptees and groups sometimes say, ‘I'm going to leave you before you leave me.'" -- Jonathan Newbern Podcast Episode Synopsis: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of hosting Jonathan Newbern, a same-race domestic adoptee deeply involved with Codependents Anonymous (CODA). Jonathan shared his poignant adoption journey, marked by a late discovery of his adoption status and a tumultuous childhood. He bravely delved into the connection between relinquishment trauma, adoption trauma, reunion trauma, and codependency, shedding light on the complexities adoptees often face. Jonathan's personal experiences and insights into codependency from an adoptee's perspective provided valuable tools and practical advice for those struggling with similar issues. He emphasized the importance of seeking help, setting boundaries, and engaging in self-care practices to navigate the challenges of codependency. Throughout the episode, Jonathan's vulnerability and resilience shone through as he shared his journey of healing and growth. His message of empowerment and self-worth resonated deeply, reminding listeners that they are not alone in their struggles. ===============

Sexuality and Adoption: Insights from a Transracial Adoptee and Sex Therapist "For me, sexual and reproductive health or our sexuality is so connected with attraction, with attachment style, with self-esteem, with the wish for connecting and creating long-term bonds." -- Anna Linde Read the transcript: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01HVN38Q94D5ZXH9GR708NDX4E   Adoptive parents, you're invited to a webinar that Anna Linde will be leading on June 5, 2024. More information and register here: https://AnnaLinde.eventbrite.com

"I hate when people say that my life should be a movie. Can we just ban that phrase?" - Jeremy Read the transcript here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01HV5M7AN2D7GP4H2P1NBVSNMQ   Episode Summary: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, host Beth Syverson delves into the complexities of adoption alongside her guest, Jeremy, a 24-year-old adopted person from Texas. Jeremy shares his journey of struggling with various health issues and neurodivergence, only to discover the genetic roots of his challenges after reuniting with his birth family in 2022. Jeremy's adoption story unfolds as he recounts being adopted in Albuquerque, New Mexico, from a birth family in Denver. Raised in Texas by adoptive parents who were open about his adoption but painted a negative picture of his birth mother, Jeremy grew up questioning his identity and health issues without a clear genetic history. As Jeremy navigates his health challenges, including asthma, joint pain, and dysautonomia, he sheds light on the importance of knowing one's genetic background for proper diagnosis and treatment. With a recent diagnosis of hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS), Jeremy emphasizes the need for healthcare professionals to recognize and address invisible disabilities like EDS. Through his journey of self-discovery and reunion with his birth family, Jeremy finds validation and understanding in shared experiences with relatives who also have EDS. He highlights the significance of acceptance and support from adoptive families, healthcare providers, and the community in addressing the unique needs of adoptees with complex medical histories. Listeners are encouraged to reflect on the impact of closed adoptions, ableism, and stigma surrounding birth parents, as Beth and Jeremy advocate for a more inclusive and informed approach to adoption and healthcare. The episode concludes with a call to action for spreading awareness and support for adoptees facing health challenges and seeking reunion. To connect with Jeremy and explore more adoption-related content, visit his Instagram account, Borderline Adoptee. Additionally, listeners are invited to engage with Unraveling Adoption through their website and Patreon community to support ongoing discussions and resources for adoptive families and individuals impacted by adoption. Stay tuned for more insightful conversations and stories on Unraveling Adoption. ===============

"I want to normalize the practice of spirituality and ancestral rituals. They're a normal part of our lives." Helena Soholm, PhD Read the Transcript here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01HTRHNP4AKM7DD2K35958K78A   Episode Summary Beth Syverson, the host of the podcast Unraveling Adoption, welcomes Dr. Helena Soholm as a guest on the show. Dr. Soholm, a Korean mudang or shaman, shares her unique journey of combining contemporary forms of shamanism and psychology to help adoptees connect with their ancestors. Despite not being an adoptee herself, Helena has been instrumental in assisting Korean adoptees in their healing process through communication with their ancestors. Helena's childhood experiences in Korea, surrounded by intuitive women and spiritual gifts, laid the foundation for her eventual path as a shaman. Her awakening to the power of ancestors led her to integrate psychology and shamanism in a profound way. Through her work, she has helped adoptees navigate their complex emotions and traumas by facilitating connections with their ancestral lineage. The podcast delves into Helena's personal journey, including her initiation as a mudang in 2018 and her experiences working with adoptees in both Korea and Denmark. She emphasizes the importance of developing one's spiritual authority and trusting oneself for healing. Dr. Soholm's approach focuses on empowering individuals to connect with their ancestors and find peace within themselves. ===============

"I think everyone has had this experience of feeling like they're in two places or even more than that, but not quite enough of any." -- Anthony Lynch   Read the Transcript: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01HSYYTTTDQ2QVDVHZ079SXA3E Episode Summary: Beth Syverson, the host of the podcast "Unraveling Adoption," welcomes Anthony Lynch, a 24-year-old non-binary transracial adoptee living in London, as a guest on the show. Anthony is the co-founder of In Between Lines, an organization that empowers individuals with complex identities. Throughout the episode, Anthony shares insights into their personal journey as a transracial adoptee with Jamaican and white heritage, growing up in a multicultural family in London. Anthony discusses the challenges of navigating multiple identities, including being adopted, non-binary, and mixed race. They highlight the importance of embracing one's full identity and the complexities that come with straddling different cultural backgrounds. Anthony also sheds light on the concept of intersectionality and how it influences individual experiences and societal perceptions. The conversation delves into the significance of creating spaces for individuals with complex identities to share their stories and connect with others. Anthony shares about the work of In Between Lines, including an upcoming exhibition featuring individuals with diverse backgrounds and identities. They emphasize the need for a more nuanced understanding of identity and the importance of fostering inclusivity and acceptance. Beth and Anthony also discuss the upcoming parliamentary inquiry on adoptee voices in the UK, where Anthony is a steering group member. They touch on the mental health implications of complex identities and the role of policymakers in supporting individuals with diverse backgrounds. Throughout the episode, Beth and Anthony explore the power of authenticity, community, and understanding in embracing complex identities. They encourage listeners to reflect on their own identities and challenge societal norms that limit individuals to singular labels. The episode concludes with a call to share the conversation with others and continue the dialogue on identity and acceptance. ===============

"I think that being an adoptee groomed me to relinquish my own child." -- Monica Hall Transcript of this episode: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01HSM5N1067HY39ZRSGK11MB5T Podcast Episode Synopsis: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, host Beth Syverson welcomes guest Monica Hall, an adoptee and birth mother who has recently published her memoir titled Practically Still a Virgin: an Adoption Memoir. Monica shares her journey of healing and self-discovery through writing her memoir, which delves into the complexities of adoption, trauma, and family relationships. Monica opens up about her challenging childhood in Alaska, where she faced abuse and trauma within her adoptive family. She candidly discusses her experiences of relinquishing her daughter for adoption and the guilt and complexities that came with it. Through writing her memoir, Monica unravels layers of repressed memories and emotions, ultimately finding healing and clarity. The podcast episode highlights Monica's writing process, where she initially struggled with self-doubt and perfectionism but found guidance and support from a dedicated editor. Monica emphasizes the importance of allowing oneself to start writing without judgment and to embrace the process of uncovering deep-seated emotions and experiences. As Monica shares her personal journey of healing and self-discovery through writing, she encourages other adoptees and birth mothers to embark on their own memoir-writing journey. The episode concludes with a special giveaway of Monica's memoir, inviting listeners to participate by writing a review of the podcast or becoming a Patreon member. Listeners are encouraged to explore Monica's powerful memoir, Practically Still a Virgin, and to support her in sharing her story of resilience and growth. The episode serves as a poignant reminder of the transformative power of storytelling and the importance of finding healing through self-expression and reflection. ===============

"I think adoptees who are going to go try to find their family have to recognize that... once you get into the process, you just have to roll with it, right? You have to be optimistic and hopeful and just play it out." -- David R. Ford Episode Synopsis In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, host Beth Syverson delves into the complexities of adoption alongside her guest, David R. Ford, an adoptee who reunited with his birth family 20 years ago. The episode explores the theme of family relationships, especially in the context of reunion with birth families. Beth introduces David as an adoptee who was adopted at birth through a private adoption handled by a lawyer. David shares his early childhood experiences and the limited information he had about his birth parents, including the revelation that he had a seven-year older brother. Despite not initially feeling the need to find his birth parents, David's journey to reconnect with his birth family began in his late 30s. Through a series of events, David eventually reunites with his birth mother and discovers he is one of seven children, four of whom were given up for adoption. The podcast delves into the complexities of navigating newfound relationships with siblings and birth family members, highlighting the challenges and joys that come with such reunions. Beth also brings on Tibby, David's wife, to provide insights into the experience of being a spouse navigating the complexities of adoption reunion. Tibby shares her perspective on the intense emotions and dynamics that come with welcoming new family members into their lives. The episode touches on the importance of supportive adoptive parents, the emotional toll of navigating difficult family dynamics, and the significance of maintaining core values and boundaries throughout the reunion process. David reflects on the metaphorical significance of the title of his memoir, "Blind in One Eye," and the journey of self-discovery and acceptance that comes with reuniting with one's birth family. As the episode wraps up, Beth encourages listeners to explore the resources and support available on the Unraveling Adoption website, emphasizing the importance of seeking guidance and validation in the adoption journey. The episode concludes with a message of staying safe and embracing authenticity in navigating the complexities of adoption and family relationships. ===============

"I was always trying to fit in and chameleon wherever I was." -- Bethany Fraser Transcript Read this episode's transcript: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01HR5W5M78X0PE4FV5GJNREW2AIn this episode of Unraveling Adoption, host Beth Syverson welcomes guest Bethany Fraser, an adoptee and host of The Adoptee Diaries podcast. The conversation delves into the complexities of adoption, focusing on the impact of secrets and identity issues within the adoption experience. Bethany shares her personal journey of discovering her biracial identity in her 40s, after a secret about her ethnicity was kept from her by her adoptive parents. The discussion explores the emotional and psychological effects of this deception on Bethany's identity, psyche, and relationships. Throughout the episode, Bethany reflects on her experience as an adoptee, highlighting the importance of truth, trust, and transparency in adoption. She emphasizes the need for adoptive parents to be open and honest with their children about their origins and ethnicity, to foster a sense of belonging and self-awareness. The conversation is candid and heartfelt, with both hosts sharing their vulnerabilities and insights into the complexities of adoption. Beth and Bethany aim to create a space for adoptees to share their stories and find support within the adoption community. ===============  

"I had to be OK with the fact that they might not accept me for who I am." - Joe Toolan   Transcript Read this episode's transcript: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01HQC31S90118VY2NM91EADH9Q   Episode Summary In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, host Beth Syverson delves into the complexities of adoption through the lens of LGBTQ+ adoptees. Joined by guest Joe Toolan, a transracial, queer adoptee from Guatemala, the episode explores the unique challenges faced by LGBTQ+ individuals in the adoption process. Joe shares his personal journey of growing up in a conservative white family in Maryland, navigating his identity as a queer, Latine, indigenous, transracial adoptee. He reflects on the struggles of coming out to his adoptive family and the impact it had on their relationship. The episode highlights the importance of support and acceptance for LGBTQ+ adoptees, emphasizing the need for adoptive parents to create a safe and affirming environment for their children. Resources such as PFLAG, the Trevor Project, and GLSEN are recommended for allies and family members seeking to educate themselves and support LGBTQ+ individuals. As Joe recounts his reunion with his birth family in Guatemala, the episode showcases the power of authenticity and self-acceptance in building meaningful connections. Despite initial concerns about acceptance, Joe's birth mother's unconditional love and support demonstrate the transformative impact of embracing one's true identity. Listeners are encouraged to engage with the LGBTQ+ adoptee community, seek support from advocacy organizations, and participate in upcoming events like the town hall meeting addressing the safety and well-being of adopted children. Through heartfelt storytelling and insightful conversations, Unraveling Adoption provides a compassionate and informative platform for exploring the intersection of adoption and LGBTQ+ identities, fostering understanding and empathy for all individuals touched by adoption. Resources mentioned in this episode Contact Joe through Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/toolan_joe/ Find help for LGBTQ+ people and their allies here: PFLAG: https://pflag.org/ The Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ GLSEN: https://www.glsen.org/ Guatemalan adoptees can find support through the organization Joe works with, Adoptees of Guatemalan Roots: https://www.guateroots.org/ Attend the Town Hall meeting on Sunday, March 10, 2024, to discuss adoptee murders and what we can do to keep our community's adopted children safe. adopteemurders.eventbrite.com Other Resources APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoption's Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com  Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao Email questions or comments to Beth@UnravelingAdoption.comFind us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTubeSupport Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoptionCheck out our website: www.UnravelingAdoption.comCreate your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION ===============

"The root of the work, I would say, is really slowing down and learning how to sit with the discomfort of different sensations in the body." -- Rebecca Berg   Transcript Read this episode's transcript: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01HQC31S90118VY2NM91EADH9Q   Synopsis In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Rebecca Berg, a registered dietitian and adoptee who specializes in the intersection of adoption and food behaviors. Rebecca shared her personal journey of overcoming orthorexia and how early childhood trauma can manifest in issues around food. We delved into the complexities of adoption trauma and its impact on food relationships, highlighting the importance of understanding the connection between food and emotional well-being. Rebecca emphasized the need for adoptees to feel connected to their bodies and prioritize self-care, especially when dealing with stress and anxiety. She discussed the concept of "safe foods" for children with trauma histories and the importance of creating a structured and consistent meal environment to promote a sense of safety and security. As an adoptive parent, Rebecca provided valuable insights on supporting adopted children with food issues, emphasizing the significance of co-regulation and offering familiar, comforting foods to build trust and stability. She also introduced the concept of "body doubling" as a supportive technique for individuals struggling with nutrition and mental health challenges. Throughout the episode, Rebecca highlighted the importance of seeking professional help from registered dietitians with expertise in mental health and eating disorders. She shared practical advice for adoptive parents and individuals struggling with food-related issues, emphasizing the need for patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to explore and experiment with different approaches to nutrition and well-being. The episode concluded with a reminder to join the upcoming town hall meeting on March 10th to address the serious issue of murders of adopted children by adoptive parents and brainstorm ways to create safer environments for adopted children in our communities. Overall, the episode provides valuable insights into the complex relationship between adoption, trauma, and food behaviors, offering practical strategies for individuals and families navigating these challenges.   Timestamps Introduction to Unraveling Adoption: 00:00:02-00:00:13 Exploring the Intersection of Adoption and Food Behaviors: 00:00:46-00:00:56 Personal Journey of an Adoptee and Registered Dietitian: 00:04:12-00:05:57 Understanding Orthorexia and Recovery: 00:05:05-00:06:07 Impact of Anxiety and Trauma on Eating Behaviors: 00:08:17-00:09:48 Becoming a Registered Dietitian: 00:10:06-00:11:29 Challenges and Nuances of Food Issues: 00:12:27-00:13:22 Strategies for Grounding and Regulation: 00:14:40-00:15:56 Body Doubling and Supportive Techniques: 00:15:56-00:16:44 Advice for Adoptive Parents on Food Issues: 00:17:02-00:19:00 Importance of Safe Foods and Feeding Practices: 00:19:10-00:20:17 Seeking Help and Professional Support: 00:20:38-00:22:51 Upcoming Event and Call to Action: 00:23:01-00:24:07   Resources mentioned in this episode Contact Rebecca at https://www.nostringsnutrition.com/. Find Rebecca on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/no.strings.nutrition/ Follow Rebecca on Facebook @No Strings Nutrition: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61554833143968 Attend the Town Hall meeting on Sunday, March 10, 2024, to discuss adoptee murders and what we can do to keep our community's adopted children safe. adopteemurders.eventbrite.com   Other Resources APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoption's Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com  Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/   Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao Email questions or comments to Beth@UnravelingAdoption.com Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption Check out our website: www.UnravelingAdoption.com Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION