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The last days before the Great Hunt.Book 3 in 18 parts, By FinalStand. Listen to the ► Podcast at Explicit Novels.“Can the scorpion ever stop being a scorpion? “"Do we get our legally permitted weaponry back?" The bishop still held my hand."Sure. If it makes you feel better.""I would like to meet your people then," he gave my paw one last shake then released me. "Shall we go?""I will have someone take you to your car. I want to briefly meet with the President, of Havenstone, then I'll join you in the garage. We'll drive over to JIKIT and I'll make the introductions. Good enough?""That is acceptable," he nodded."What about you two?" I regarded the nun and the Swiss Super-soldier. The nun remained vigilant, and silent. The Swiss' eyes flickered to his boss before settling back on me."It is what I volunteered for," he stated firmly."Okay. Please never say I didn't give you a chance to take the sane way out. Also, Bishop Nicolö, circumstances have conspired to up my prospective wedding date to January 1st.""That will be more difficult. Why the change?" he remained grim."We are having twins. By March, this will be very visible.""That is, unfortunate," he shook his head."You have no idea," and then a brainstorm. "And I am curious about resurrecting the Order of the Dragon, the Societas Draconistarum." Technically that meant 'Society of the Dragonists' which was more appropriate than the literal Ordo Draconis."Precisely how do you plan to recreate a crusading Christian Order which was the purview of the Hungarian monarchs?" he didn't sound the least skeptical, just curious."I have billions of euros to fund such a thing," I winked. "Of far greater critical importance, I know where I can find the supernatural guidance and spiritual imperative for such an organization.""You are going to produce a dragon?" his eyes grew larger even as he fought down his fear. Good man. He was adaptive. He'd need to be."I never said such a thing. That would make me sound crazy," I smiled broadly. "Besides, when I say 'dragon', you think 'devil' and that's way too pedestrian for where we are going.""I am not a moral relativist.""Neither am I. I'm out to save lives and nurture the drive in the human spirit to reach for freedom, love and liberty. As you might imagine, I'm pretty freaking outnumbered.""I think you are crazy," he re-evaluated things."I just might be. In all honesty, you should back out now. Take your two compadres back to 25 East 39th Street (the Holy See's Permanent Observer Offices to the UN in NYC) and report 'Mission Failure'. You'll most likely live longer," I reasoned."I am not afraid to die," Sister Rafaela Sophia finally voiced an opinion."That's idiotic," I scoffed before the bishop could reprimand her for opening her mouth. "You should be.""My soul is in God's hands," she set her jaw."Does he talk to you?" I countered."His message is clear.""Not what I asked. I asked if he specifically directed you to toss your life fruitlessly away as an object lesson for the reckless, or careless?""This is uncalled for," Nicolö intervened."Nope. I bet you a phone call to my Brother to physically restore your bishopric that there are four people in this room who have murdered in cold blood," I kept eye contact with the nun, "and she's the odd one out. Right Juanita?""Yes, Ishara," Juanita slipped up. Her spycraft, like mine, needed work."You were in the military?" the bishop asked my bodyguard."Was? I am. Right now," she related. "I will be until I die."That earned me looks from the three Catholics."She is loyal," Nicolö nodded slightly toward her, referring to Juanita's declaration."Huh? To me? Nope. She's loyal to my office, which we shan't get into right now. Back to you, Sister Rafaela Sophia. Are you out to be a martyr, or has some saint, or angel, given you a directive the other two seem to be unaware of which causes you to devalue your life?""I am devoted to the One True God, Christ, our Savior," and Juanita snorted, "and the Virgin Mary," the nun stated firmly. "I don't hear voices in my head.""Juanita, that was rude. Apologize to our guest," I kept looking forward."No." Well, fuck you too."Gun," I commanded. I held out my left hand."What? No. I will not give you one of my guns," she resisted."Juanita, give me your primary weapon, or I will ask Pamela to beat you up the moment I depart for the Great Hunt. After yesterday's stunt, you know she will," I threatened. Fair, I was not. She drew a Glock-20 and handed it to me. I went through the routine, dropped the magazine then ejected the round before opening the door.Oh look, there were four SD chicks outside, ready to escort my visitors downstairs. I didn't even need to waste a phone call. It wasn't like the conference room wasn't being monitored."Excuse me," I took a half step out the door then hurled all three items down the hall. Looking back at Juanita. "Go fetch.""Fuck you," she snapped."And insulting her faith was as degrading to both her faith and her as me doing this to you is degrading to you right now," I lectured her. "It is important to her, therefore it is important to me because she is my guest in the same way it is important to me that I let my bodyguard do her job without being a total asshole all the time. Now go get your God-damn weapon," I barked. Off she went. I left the door open."Now Sister Rafaela Sophia, the point of all this is: I don't give a crap if you are willing to die for God. In fact, that makes you less than worthless to me and the team. I want to know if you are willing to put other motherfuckers in the ground so that Bishop Nicolá, or Mathias, might get to keep doing their jobs.""Murder is a sin," she declared."Go home," I sighed while shaking my head."She answers to me, the Church and God, not you, Mr. Nyilas," the bishop stepped forward."Then you can go home too," I shrugged. "I'm not asking for remorseless killers. I'm asking for people willing to kill to get the hard work done and best of all, for people who know the difference.""Everyone on JIKIT is a professional soldier, or killer?" he asked."No, but the ones who aren't don't carry guns and know to get down when things get funky," I bantered."I vouch for her," he insisted. Juanita came running back into the room."Cool beans. I don't know you either.""You apparently know my service history," he volleyed."Yeah. Ten years a foreigner in the service of France, then you went straight into a university which turns out Jesuits," I riposted."What turned your life around?" he evaded. That was okay. I'd gotten what I wanted. I was willing to bet he had read every bit of public information about me and it was rumored the heavy Catholic membership in the FBI had its benefits to the Church as well. Not so much as to give them insight into JIKIT, but,"Someone risked their life for me. It's been pretty much downhill from there," I confessed. It was the truth. After Katrina gave me the life line on Day Two, it had all spiraled to the revelation of my heritage, Dad's death, Summer Camp, the Hamptons, Romania and Aya's kidnapping."A person, a soldier, died saving my life," the bishop empathized. "Her story is similar. She seeks redemption. She is not suicidal. I am staking both our lives on it."Did he mean him and Mathias, or him and me? I wasn't certain. Still, it was good enough for now. I'd gotten a look at their emotional make up, even the relatively quiet Swiss."Very well," I agreed. "I have to go see the President about my new job description. I'll catch up with you at your car." To the SD team leader, "Take them to the garage. I will join the group of you very soon.""Yes Ishara," she nodded. I exited the room, Juanita in tow. Two SD entered. I was gone before the Papal team left. Upstairs we went, with one last chore to discharge. I had to check on Ms. French to be absolutely freaking sure it was Shawnee, because anyone else would spell disaster.{8:30 am, Monday, September 8th. Last day}A Room full of asistants:Well, there it was, the office of the Executive Director to the President, and not 'Executive Assistant', because this was Katrina's final 'fuck you, no, just her final 'fuck you' before the Great Hunt got underway. I shouldn't assume things, dang it!Anyway, according to the gray-haired matron running gatekeeper to the Office of the President, this was where I was supposed to show up. I shot Juanita a worried look. She glanced my way and shrugged, momentarily willing to not give me shit about the past 24 hours because where I was situated would determine how easily she could do her job.In we went. In the suite were three desks, the 'big' desk situated at the far end of the office space and two far more modest ones on either side of the entryway. The room expanded beyond the chokepoint formed by the two closest desks into a cluttered area. The walls were cluttered with inset bookshelves and portraits of women. Facing one another were a loveseat on my left with bookend plush chairs in an 'L' facing and a full sofa on the right. There were end tables at the ends of the sofa and the corners between the loveseat and each chair.As the door opened, I hadn't knock as this was my office, or so it seemed, the occupants, who had all been sitting in quiet conversation in the central section, began reacting. Oh look ~ Constanza! I nearly had a heart attack before I realized there were three other Amazons also in the room. Sadly, none were behind the 'big desk', so I couldn't tell who was in charge. Two of the other three choices weren't too much better. First off,"Ishara," Marilynn Saint John stood to greet me. I'd last seen her when I'd dedicated her grandmother's (Hayden's) spirit to the halls of my ancestors, not hers, after forcing the political crisis leading to Hayden's suicide ~ her taking herself to the cliffs and in doing so, destroying the Amazon Cult of Blood Purity. Marilynne was clearly still bitter with me. Umm, I could still incite passion in women I hadn't slept with, yet, woot?"Cáel," the senior-most and only friendly face in the room spoke next. Thank goodness it was Beyoncé Vincennes, Head of House Hanwasuit and House Ishara ally."Cáel Ishara," the third individual was deferential which I wasn't sure how to take as the last time I'd encountered her, yeah, things hadn't gone well either."Beyoncé," I started off with a smile. From there, I had to figure out, ah, Beyoncé's eyes flickered to Constanza then Sabia. I knew Marilynn, with her young age, had the least seniority, "Constanza, Sabia, Marilynn. How's tricks?"Glum faces by everyone except Beyoncé. I didn't ask about Sabia's particular well-being. It had been months since I'd beaten her into the mats of the Full-blooded gym. She'd attacked Yasmin, the Brazilian Hottie and my Brazilian Jujutsu sparring buddy, and I'd retaliated by ambushed her when she turned her back on us. Besides, she'd been giving me shit before I even could see straight.Constanza was minus her left eye because of her dire insult to me. If she wasn't capable of working, she wouldn't be here. If she appreciated my 'mercy' in sparing her life ~ her insult was worthy of her death ~ Constanza hid it well. I hadn't spared her expecting a change of heart. I hadn't felt words alone warranted anyone's death. I was a big boy and could take a few insults. House Ishara, as represented by me, could care less. These days, my sisters would be less understanding despite them knowing my heart."Constanza Landau of House Jaya and Marilynn Saint John of House Anahit are Assistants to President Shawnee French," Beyoncé eased things along, "so will be working closely with us, at least for the short term. Sabia Noel of House Guabancex, who I now think you know as well, has joined you as the other 'Assistant' to the 'Executive Director to the President', (that would make me an 'adept', but adept at what?), and since two of the three Regents are unfamiliar with the workings of Havenstone proper, Shawnee has asked me to perform in that role."Beyoncé was, or had been, Havenstone HQ's CFO (Chief Financial Officer). From what I was quickly piecing together, she would essentially be making all the day-to-day decisions concerning the running of Havenstone (how the Host made the majority of its money) until the Regents got up to speed.Only Buffy had actual experience with the New York office and, from what she had told me, solely within Executive Services. While ES knew 'who' did what inside Havenstone, they weren't aware precisely how those Amazons got their jobs done. That would have been an impossible task. Katrina could do it, but she knew it was beyond the ability of most of us 'mere mortals'. Since we were currently at war, the Host needed Katrina completely focused on her duties as Chief Spy-mistress, not baby-sitting the adults.Shawnee indeed had much gravitas among the other House Heads. Not only had she risen up to lead a First House, she had performed heroically during the final days of the last Secret War. Afterwards she had moved into the realm of Amazon jurisprudence and mediation. Until yesterday, she had lived in a House Arinniti freehold in Minnesota's Great Lakes region thus her desire for the 'Training Wheels' period.The Regency would not rule through telecommunication (the upper echelons feared being eavesdropped upon beyond the standard Amazon (read: paranoid) levels) and Havenstone: New York was the center best situated for the current war-fighting operations, so here she lived. I was sure a team from Executive Services was buying, outfitting/spy-proofing and fortifying a dwelling suitable for the President of a Fortune 500 company. Hayden's home would remain the domicile of Sydney thus Marilynn.The same rigmarole would be done for Rhada and Buffy (though I imaged Buffy would bitch endlessly). Publically, they were VP's of a company worth hundreds of billions of dollars and they had to present the public trappings of such leaders.Why did the Amazons do this ~ unmask their leadership to public exposure? Legal-simple: they could request and expect all levels of public and private security for their executives who happened to also be important officials of the Host. Certainly not all executives at Havenstone were officeholders, House Heads, or House Apprentices, but the high level of competence which permitted one often led to the other.Beyonce:As an example: Beyoncé wasn't the most 'bad-ass' lethal chick in House Hanwasuit. As she was preparing to be casted, her intelligence, creativity and diligence at her future craft, finances, was noted by the Host and the members of her House. In due time her name was circulated as Apprentice and the elders approved. When her elder cousin, the prior House Head, took herself to the cliffs, Beyoncé assumed the top spot. Beyoncé wasn't even one of that woman's three daughters.Mirroring her advancement in her House was her advancement in Havenstone's Accounting, Acquisitions and Banking Divisions until she was appointed CFO Havenstone HQ ~ the supreme financial authority inside Havenstone, though the individual regional branches had a greater degree of autonomy than you might normally expect from a 21st century conglomerate, or a Bronze Age autocracy.I had to constantly remind myself, despite the near-constant feuding, Amazons exhibited a phenomenally higher level of trust than I'd ever found in any other society I'd ever witnessed, or read about, before. Though technically Beyoncé could have gone to President Hayden to enforce her decisions ~ or now the Regency ~ she was far more diplomatic in her approach in dealing with the other 'continental' CEO's and CFO's.That meant she had to wrangle the aspirations and resources from:North America (including Latin America, the 'Canadian Arctic' and the North Pacific Ocean),South America (includes both the South Atlantic and South Pacific as far as Samoa),Europe (mostly Central Europe these days plus Antarctica, the 'Russian' Arctic and the North Atlantic),Africa (mostly West-central Africa),India (the subcontinent plus the vast expanse of the Indian Ocean) and,Southeast Asia (which includes Australia)All of which suggested Havenstone hadn't redrawn the Amazons' geographic demarcations since the late 19th century. As an example, an East African venture, say in Tanzania, was as likely to be under the purview of Havenstone: India (due to its control over the Indian Ocean) as Havenstone: Africa (which traditionally had no East Coast holdings due to their constant struggles versus the Arabic slave trade).Returning to Beyoncé: initially she had held the proper 'conservative' (aka man-hating) mindset. My behavior during that first Board Meeting began to change her opinion of me and the New Directive. After the Archery Range incident, Beyoncé became a vocal proponent of the New Directive and faced challenges within her ranks. House Heads do not have to accept challenges and Beyoncé didn't, reasoning with her detractors they had no alternatives save the 'Old Ways' which spelled doom for the Amazon Race.Bing-bang-boom ~ I became the Head of a resurrected House Ishara by the Will of the Ancestors and Beyoncé was vindicated. Not necessarily in the New Directive, but in her support of me thus the rebirth of a sister First House. The purge following High Priestess' Hayden's death was her ultimate absolution. The Ancestors and Destiny had spoken and shown Beyoncé had been piloting House Hanwasuit along the proper course all along.Back to my current circumstances:Oh, why was I Assistant to the Executive Director to the President? It gave me direct access to the finances of Havenstone which was a critical leg of the war-fighting stool ~ people, morale, money and equipment. As Chief Diplomat, I helped with all four of those in varying degrees, allied troops, allied victories, allied bank accounts and allied armaments.The Great Khan, my spiritual 'Blood-Brother', was ramping up his logistic support for my Amazons in Africa, Asia and the Americas. We were 'Allies in the Struggle' and he wasn't going to wait for the Condottieri to begin coordinating with the Seven Pillars to declare them to be his enemies. They were already fighting the Amazons and 9 Clans, his allies, so their fates were sealed.In Japan, my Amazons provided small yet highly effective strike groups which the Ninja families furnished all the support services for. Everything from food to bullets to medical attention as needed. Without reservation, we shared their death-grapple with the Seven Pillars.From the dispatches I was getting back from my family members and envoys in Japan, we were making serious diplomatic inroads with the Ninja. Once again, it was the Amazons shocking capacity for violence as well as their fanaticism, professionalism and proficiency which all impressed our hosts and terrified our enemies, and this from people of a philosophical mindset which had them historically battling samurai.The Black Lotus were running around like rhesus monkeys on crack cocaine unleashed in a China Shop and given RPG's. While the Amazons couldn't help them in China, Indochina & Thailand ~ the Khanate could and was. The Amazons were of more help in the Philippines, Malaysia and Indonesia, where the Black Lotus and Amazons were going everywhere on the offensive against the Seven Pillars while the normal tight cohesion and iron-clad confidence, traits which made the 7P's so dangerous ~ were shaken by their horrendous losses in the 'Homeland' aka Mainland China.Less we forget, the 'military intelligence' wing of their organization had been decimated by the Khanate's Anthrax attack due to members of the Earth & Sky sacrificing themselves by being injected with the toxin then allowing themselves to be captured, which always ended in torture and death.Furthermore, the People's Republic of China, while having a scary 18% of the population either captured, imprisoned, dead, or displaced due to the Khanate invasion, that had come with the loss of 63% of their landmass (they had lost all of Nei Mongol, Ningxia & Xinjiang Uighur Autonomous Regions, Qinghai and Gansu as well as 90% of Yunnan, 80% of Sichuan and 20% of Shaanxi provinces) to the Khanate and the 'abomination' that was a free Tibet.Then came the Russian 'stab in the back' which entailed the loss of another 10% of their people falling under foreign dominion as well as losing 8% of their most industrialized territory, Manchuria (Heilongjiang, Jilin and Liaoning provinces ~ the Nei Mongol portion of 'Manchuria' was in the Khanate's greedy clutches, from the viewpoint of a Seven P's warrior).Don't get me wrong, they weren't about to throw in the towel. If anything, they were becoming more dedicated to trying harder, digging deep into their knowledge of every atrocity, inhumanity and perversion now deemed necessary to re-chart history back onto its 'correct' path. It was this willingness to act in an even greater sociopathic manner which was being used against them. After all, the 7P's had plenty of proxy allies, who were starting to get really nervous about what their paymasters were now asking them to do,We Amazons were getting some extra special help too. The Booth-gan (Do not call them Thuggee ~ the confederate 9 Clan member based out of India though long since ensconced within various Hindi enclaves across the Globe) had created an all-female group of ultra-fanatical Kali-devotees ~ a gift for the upcoming battle fomented by the Will of the Goddess herself.While Aya was our Queen and the Regency would rule until she wished to assume command of the Amazon People, the nuts-and-bolts of the Host's activities were handled by Saint Marie as Golden Mare (our Minister of War) (technically she held the top spot due to our State of War, though no Golden Mare had ever exercised such authority over a Queen (and she definitely believed Aya was our Queen)), Katrina (as Minister of Intelligence and Security), Beyoncé (as Havenstone (the multinational corporation) ~ our Treasurer/Economic Tsarina) and me (our Foreign Minister).Saint Marie had decided to forgo a public face in order to better facilitate her moving around to various battle fronts and holding clandestine meetings with her junior regional commanders. Her Havenstone corporate title was 'Chief of Security Training and Certification'. As an extra level of deception, the head of Security Services wasn't even a Director-level position, instead being folded into the duties of the Office of the President.To my current circumstances ~ I had been given Constanza's house name which could only mean she wasn't currently assigned to the Security Detail; a fact that couldn't have made her bad attitude any better. Marilynn had completely lost her way as an Amazon when I first met her, burying her pain and confusion in endless partying and intoxicants. I believed only her grandmother's status as High Priestess kept her from the severest of reprimands, or death. I didn't even know what Marilynn's caste was. Sabia,"While I'm sure you are both far more qualified than I, precisely how did you two get these jobs?" I had to ask my two non-coworkers. Constanza glowered. Marilynn flinched."I have an in depth knowledge of Havenstone security procedures and resources," Constanza replied."Shawnee requested me," was Marilynn's comeback. "I also have intimate knowledge of the City of New York and its environs.""Actually, Buffy Ishara recommended you both to Shawnee," Beyoncé corrected their misconceptions. I knew the score. I'd be working intimately with the tight community around the President (Shawnee) and Vice Presidents (Buffy & Rhada). Buffy wanted me to be surrounded by women who hated my guts, so I wouldn't end up boinking them. It rarely worked that way. All too often ladies who hated my still-beating heart ended up punishing me with sex. I wasn't sure why that happened, but it did."Beyoncé, didn't the Chief Diplomat of the Host have her own office? I'm pretty sure Troika had one before her unfortunate collision with Saint Marie," I felt entitled to inquire."Do you feel you've earned that office space?" she riposted."Oh, fuck no!" I waved my hands one over the other to accentuate my denial. "I was just wondering where I could stick Juanita while I'm hanging around, here.""She has the desk right outside the door, Cáel," Beyoncé smiled knowingly. "So there is no way you can sneak past her.""Oh," I grunted. "Buffy again?""No. Pamela Pile put in that particular request.""Oh, Sweet Mother of God, now she is conspiring against me too?""Yes. Some of us realize the greatest hazard to your health is yourself, Ishara," Beyoncé chided me. "We'd like to keep you around, so we listen to those charged with that nigh impossible task.""Is she going to be hanging around the office often?" Constanza asked, either myself, Juanita, or Beyoncé; I wasn't sure. She = Pamela."Please, Constanza," I attempted to intervene, "don't make Pamela kill you. It will upset Mona." Constanza's scowl was accentuated by the eyepatch covering her ruined left socket, the one Pamela had carved out when Constanza had insulted me and House Ishara on our first day of rebirth. I didn't tell Juanita this, because Juanita might just shoot Constanza over the insult before Pamela got a chance to finish the job.The tension was palatable."Mona and I have talked, about Romania, and other things," Constanza grudgingly allowed. It took me a second to realize there was a hidden meaning to what she said. Mona was part of my personal Security Detail bodyguard unit. If she felt Constanza, the woman who had raised her after her birth-mother had died, was a threat to me, she'd feel duty-bound to snuff Constanza first. Amazons were hard-ass bitches alright and I think Mona had made that clear."I hope things can improve between us," I offered to Constanza. "Beyoncé, I just stopped in to say 'hey'. I'm off to JIKIT and I've got three of the Pope's people waiting on me in the garage so,""Vice President Varma requested a moment of your time," Beyoncé smirked. "She is in 2604.""Who?""Vice President Rhada Varma, a moment of your time, alone?" she clarified."Sure thing," I backed out of the office. Once I had some space, I turned to Juanita. "Give me three minutes then bust in and say, I don't know, a tsunami is about to overwhelm the city, or something. Otherwise, I won't get out for at least an hour and I think I've put the Bishop and his people through enough delays as it is.""Are you actually asking me to stop you from having an in-office liaison?" she studied me intently as we walked in the direction of Rhada's office."Yes. It's not likely to happen often, believe me.""Oh, I do, in that you won't ask me to do it often," she grumbled. I'd deal with Juanita's morale problem later. Right now, I had to gird my loins so they wouldn't do anything else with Rhada. I had work to do, damn it!Rhada was sitting at her desk, working on something, stylus raised up so she could chew on the end. Her hair was pulled back in a half-ponytail, the type that captured the rear half of the hair in a ponytail while leaving the front and bangs free to flow down. Rhada's blouse was white & billowy and, as I was soon to discover, her pants were ultra-tight and contour hugging."Mr. Nyilas," she greeted me. "I would like a moment of your time," she relayed what I already knew. She was more than a tad nervous to boot."Vice President Varma," I started off."When in private you may call me Rhada," she interrupted."Rhada, you look more ravishing than ever."That got up her and coming around her desk, which revealed her ultra-tight pants with no sign of her wearing underwear. Yikes! My cock was preparing to do what a cock was meant to do and I just didn't have the time, Really!"Do you have any time?" she let her bosom heave."Not today, ugh," I groaned. See, Rhada took the stylus and dragged it down her chin, throat and in between her bountiful mounds.All of which exposed the top of her black bra."Are you sure, Master?" she enticed me by turning around and then leaning over her desk, point that ass in my direction. My mouth began salivating and my groin ached. I found myself quick-stepping to her and giving those buttocks two firm slaps, one on each cheek."No, damn it, though I'm going to make you pay for this when I get back," I rumbled."Master will make me wait?" she taunted me."That will cost you even more," I growled. "I have business which simply won't wait and here is my captive teasing me with the treasures of her flesh. Bad, war captive," I spanked her yet again, hard. "Bad!" and I spanked her a fourth time. With each beating, Rhada gasped in pain and then exhaled in pleasure."If I've been bad, Master must be extra harsh with me when he returns in triumph from the Great Hunt," she gloated. Rhada had gotten what she wanted, which was another affirmation of my lust for her and our 'game'. I could provide her the release she so desperately craved while allowing her the safety of remaining in the Amazon fold. It was a perfect pairing, for her.I had other problems, such as all the other baby mamas in my life plus the extra-marital affairs I was contemplating. I still took the moments we had to snuggle with Rhada, her grinding that tush into my rod while I held both her arms tightly to her side while raining kisses down onto her neck and head."Sir! A giant tsunami is approaching the city!" Juanita exploded through the door."What?" I coughed. I had a face full of hair."Huh?" Rhada pushed up and away from me. I let her go."Right now," Juanita insisted. She really needed to stop taking me so seriously when I gave her such advice."Really?" from Rhada. She shot me a curious look so I shrugged. What else was I supposed to do with such a flimsy lie forcing our separation? At least I got out of there on time?{9:50 am, Monday, September 8th ~ Last day}(JKIT HQ)"Is this a common occurrence?" Sister Rafaela Sophia whispered to the closest woman, who happened to be Wiesława, the Polish Amazon. Since she hadn't arrived with us from Havenstone, the nun might have assumed she was with the 'Americans', or British."What?" Wiesława responded evenly."Weapons combat, they look real," the nun clarified."They are real. We always practice with real weapons.""Really?""Of course," Wiesława smiled at her. "We believe a few cuts and scrapes now will save lives when the true tests come.""Oh, you are with, Havenstone?" Rafaela clued in."Yes. I am Wiesława of House Živa. I am currently assigned to Unit L, Cáel's unit within JIKIT," she offered her hand to shake. Despite being a full-blooded Amazon from a freehold, her 'human' skills were progressing nicely. The nun shook it."I am Sister Rafaela Sophia of the Handmaids of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, that is a Roman Catholic Religious Order." Pause. "Do you hate Catholics too?""Yes. We have lived beside your people for many centuries and found your clergy to be much more dangerous than your pagan predecessors. Still, Cáel thinks you can be relied on and he's proven we can trust outsider women, which I was raised to believe was unlikely, and outsider men, which was basically anathema, so I'm willing to set aside my prejudices and judge you as an individual," the Pole imparted."Outsider men?" Rafaela mumbled."Well, yes," Wiesława smirked. "You are a nun, right?""Yes.""So you set aside the World of Men to live mostly among women, right?""Not entirely," the nun chose her words carefully. "We still rely on priests for religious rights and of course obey the life teachings of Christ and follow the leadership of his Holiness, the Pope, a man.""No one is perfect," the Amazon bantered back."Do you know the teachings of our Lord, Jesus Christ?" Rafaela ventured into dangerous waters."Yes. He was the semi-historical Son of your supposed One True God. We are not monotheists. We are Polytheists. Živa is my House's matron Goddess. It is also the name of the first woman to lead the House, her birth name surrendered to Destiny so all the daughters who came afterwards would be equals.""Oh, is Mr. Nyilas also pagan?" she inquired."I am unsure. From what I have been told, he has commended the spirit of his fallen father to your Jesus in a sacred ceremony then, in the presence of your Trinity and the Goddess Ishara, brought in new members to his House. I suspect he may be both," Wiesława reasoned. "Why don't you ask him?""Because he's fighting for his life?" Rafaela looked my way.See, the entire time their discussion had been going on, I had been sparring in a spare room at JIKIT HQ with Estere Abed, the Hashashin assassin (rather redundant ~ like saying the Sahara Desert). I had two tomahawks while she had a scimitar and curved dagger. While we sparred using the furniture as obstacles, Agent-86 was briefing me on various World events to get my input.Addison Stuart (CIA) and Lady Fathom Worthington-Burke (MI-6) were having a chat with Bishop Nicolé de Santis, verifying for themselves he was worth adding to the team. Juanita was having a similar discussion with Rikki Martin (US State Department) concerning my earlier encounter with the Papal team. Nicolé's buddy, Wachtmeister Mathias Bosshart of the Swiss Guard, was getting acquainted with the other security personnel.In comparison, those two had it easy. Both men were in their elements. Nicolé was a spook who pretended to be a diplomat for the Pope and was well acquainted with terms like 'deniable assets', 'plausible deniability' and your direct superior referring to requests concerning your identity/diplomatic status by saying 'I never heard of him and if I had, I have no idea what he was doing when you caught him doing what I don't know what he was doing', or something like that.Mathias was in the company of military-security specialists, brother professionals who were introducing him to his 'sister' professionals. Our Homeland Security gang were almost entirely former military by now. They got along with our JSOC folks and both had gained a limited acceptance with the Amazon security contingent.They bonded over the fact they were forced to work with really shady characters ~ the 9 Clans menagerie ~ who didn't always appreciate JIKIT operational security. Without going into particulars, the Wachtmeister was given the impression the abnormal was the norm and if you didn't think there was a 'down-side' to being able to carry your personally favorite bang-bang (the SG 552-2P Commando in his case) with some serious attachments (read: grenade launcher) around in downtown Manhattan, you probably didn't belong on this team.Back in the room,"He's not fighting for his life," Estere laughed. "He is fighting for mine.""Right," I responded sarcastically. We went through a flurry of exchanges, ending up with me kicking a chair at her. Estere stepped over it, colliding with me.I blocked her dagger, disarmed her scimitar and,"You are dead," she panted down at me, smiling. I was on my back, her straddling me. She had a belt-knife to my throat. I hadn't see her draw it. The scimitar 'disarm' had been a distraction."Woot!" I exhaled."But you're dead," Sister Rafaela misunderstood my good humor."He survived a minute and thirty-four seconds more today than his previous record," Estere responded. She slithered off of me, doing my arousal no good whatsoever, then offered me a hand up."And that's better?""He's a rank amateur with a few months on the job. I've been training to kill people for nearly two decades," Estere smiled. "Care to have a go?""With him, or you?""Either," Estere offered."I don't have a knife, or any hand weapons," she stated."We'll need to remedy that," Wiesława stated. "You should at least carry a knife.""Really? Why?""It is a nearly universal tool," I verbally stepped up. "Even if you are disarmed, you should be able to find one relatively easily, people are less likely to miss a stolen knife than a purloined gun, and a concealed blade could come in handy.""Do you train in knife-work?" Rafaela eye-balled me."Absolutely. It is part of my culture," I grinned."Okay. Can we spar, hand-to-hand?""Sure," I nodded. I put my tomahawks in their harnesses then put my harnesses aside. Estere gave me a wink before giving us the fighting space."So," Rafaela began to circle, "are you Christian?""By your definition, or mine?""By the definition of the Catholic Church."Oh cool, she went for a Savate stance. This was going to get ugly.My "no," was followed by her kick and my block, lunge and grapple. She wasn't nearly as good as Felix. I had her down and in a choke hold within fifteen seconds.Perhaps she thought I'd take it easy on her. She tapped out. I released her, retreated and flowed back to my boxing stance. It took her a moment to realize this was 'practice', not 'an interview'. She hadn't failed in anyone's eyes. We were both doing this to get better."See, I really, truly believe I have talked to supernatural entities ~ some who are considered divinities," I continued. This time she was more careful, trading jabs and blocks with me. "They don't claim to be the One True God. I believe in such a thing, but I also believe having been given the Message, Humanity has been left to muddle things out for ourselves."Whoops, she popped me one."The Woman-Thing this morning?""Yep," I evaded another flurry. She got cocky and I landed three blows, dropping her to the ground. I didn't help her up. Instead, I withdrew and let her get back up on her own before deciding if she wanted to continue. She did."I believe I've seen dragons and ghosts. I have felt legions of my ancestors give me quiet encouragement when I needed it. I know the dead have been brought back to life," I came at her. This time we both went for body blows, knees, elbows and fists. She was not SD-caliber and she needed to be. I grappled and she was forced to tap out again. After she regained her feet, she held up a hand for a pause."Do you believe any of that?" she addressed Estere."I am an adherent of Ismaili Islam yet nothing Cáel has encountered is contrary to my belief system. The Universe is a complex place and the Divine Light is often seen through a fractured lenses," she counseled the nun."Among the escapees were lawyer Francisco Luemba, Catholic Priest Raul Tati, economist Belchior Lanso Tati and former policeman Benjamin Fuca who are serving jail sentences of between three and six years each for supposed links to the rebel group FLEC (Frente para a Libertaé'o do Enclave de Cabinda), which carried out the attack on the Togolese football team at the start of the Africa Cup of Nations in January, 2010," Agent-86 read off yet another bit of global minutia."We need to get to them," I half turned. Sister Rafaela punched me in the gut and I folded up."Oh!" she gasped. "I'm sorry.""Okay," I mumbled. I had to keep with the plan. "Those men. We need to contact our Coils people in Kinshasa and the Warden of the Mountain Ways ('she' was the Amazon Host's leader of Africa ~ in the ancient times, the mountain ways had been the routes of southern vulnerability for the Amazon tribe thus the name).""Okay," both Agent-86 and Estere answered."Why?" 86 added."The Coils and the Host have had a serious problem with no nation in Africa giving them even back room recognition so we are going to take over our own country, Cabinda. It's been struggling to be free of Angola since 1975 and, by latest estimates, we've got strike elements of over 2,000 Amazons ready and waiting next door in Cameroon, Gabon and the Republic of Congo.""So you are going to go to war with Angola?" Estere frowned. "Don't we have enough enemies?""Au contraire," I grinned wickedly. "The resistance movement is genuine," I ticked off my points, "they have tons of offshore oil, and after we set off some spectacular explosions in the two main Angolan ports which are just down the coast, we allow global panic to bully the UN into intervening before the Angolan military launch an effective counter-offensive ~ considering the Angolan Armed Forces (I'd been reading up on a ton of CIA & MI-6 briefings) will most likely involve attrition warfare since they can't beat us in a stand-up fight.""They, the Angolans, have no overland access, they are separated by 60 kilometers of territory belonging to the Democratic Republic of Congo over some sad ass roads Plus the Congo River itself which is freaking huge by the time it gets that close to the Atlantic, Cabinda rests on the Atlantic Ocean by the way. No bridges. The Angolan Navy is anemic. Let me think."I began pacing."Hmm, they have no paratroopers though they have some Special Forces, we will need to hit as many of them in the barracks as we can. Their last invasion was from the north, overland, from the Republic of the Congo, in 1975, not likely to happen this time, though I may have my 'Brother' weasel up a battalion of Indian paratroopers to act as convincing peacekeepers after the initial take over.""Perhaps we can recruit some Vietnamese. I'm sure they'll love fighting in someone else's jungle for a change. We'll need some of 'our' guys to seize the port of Soyo, it is on the wrong side of the river, but has the major refinery the Cabindans will need. Since the entire surrounding province are the same ethnic make-up as the Cabindans, we'll have to take that too.""Man-o-man, I bet by the time this is over they'll really wish they'd given little Cabinda independence back in 1975. As for their other refinery, it is in their capital, Luanda, a few big explosions there too will get the markets jittery. Check that ~ the complete and utter destruction of their major petroleum facility will create a stampede for Peace," I continued. I walked over as our resident computer intelligence genius worked his magic."Blowing things up, you mean killing people," the nun blanched."Yes. This is what I do," I spared her a sympathetic glance. "I've got a madman roaming around in my head who provides me truly epic military advice which normally, but not always, means blowing shit up and killing folks. Welcome to the team," then as the data appeared, "Holy Shit! Did they build their oil refinery in the midst of their ghetto?" I was staggered. The refinery in Soyo was isolated from the town so it could be easily (and safely) seized. It was the one in Luanda which was the 'Holy Shit' site."It looks that way," Agent-86 agreed nonplussed. "Hmm, yeah, here is the port facility then your neighborhood of shoddily constructed one- and two-story dwellings between the refinery and the inland storage tanks, the perimeter barrier appears to be a chain link fence. I'd hate to be their Chief of Security.""Oh yeah," I choked. Estere slipped around to get a look."Whoops," she snorted."What are these people thinking?" I continued. "The whole shebang is exposed to the northern quarter of the city. The storage tanks have residential dwellings on all four sides with numerous side streets. Two teams with RPGs and four rounds apiece, Holy Crap. Sorry Sister.""But I want to save lives," she sputtered."Limiting the collateral damage could be pretty tough," Estere frowned. She toggled throw a series of maps to multiple pictures."Oh, look (dripping sarcasm); they light up the refinery at night. You can sit off the coast in a speed boat under cover of darkness and attack from there," she noted."Damn. Those are a lot of lights," Agent-86 agreed."24-7 operation," I suspected."We will need some experts," the government agent nodded."Or we are going to kill a fuck-load of innocent people. Not just the workers, but can you imagine a fire spreading to those neighborhoods? Shit," I muttered."You can't seriously be contemplating doing something like this," the nun sputtered. "It is inhumane. Think of the families, the children.""Lady, yes I am. Do you have any idea what the Human Rights record of the Angolan Army in Cabinda is? It is truly horrific and in case you missed it, one of the guys in dire need of rescuing by me, due to him being a huge rebel leader who has managed to escape, is also a Catholic priest. He's going to be part of the new government we are going to install once we kill a few hundred Angolans ~ mostly soldiers (more like well over a thousand).""We are going to kill a few hundred so a few hundred thousand can live free, democratic lives without worrying about the local police and political establishment torturing and murdering them. It is all part of the plan.""I think I need to talk with the Bishop.""Hang on. Let me finish," I forestalled her. "He'll get briefed along with everyone else. After all, it is a majority Roman Catholic country as is Angola, so I'm sure your guy can be of immense help.""The people you are putting at risk don't deserve this," she protested."They never do," I nodded in agreement with her. "It rarely stops terrible crap from happening to them though."I felt sorry for the Sister. She thought the Bishop was going to put a stop to this. Poor girl; he was going to do the exact opposite. See, the two competing forces at play here were a communistic kleptocracy (currently ruling Angola) and Catholic liberation theology united with a Cabindan national identity dating back to 1885. At stake was 900,000 barrels a day of petroleum. That was a bunch of funding for somebody. Last I checked, the state run energy conglomerate had misplaced $32 billion, in just three years.Mind you, the Coils of the Serpent and the Amazon Host didn't want to help the People of Cabinda out of the goodness of their hearts either. They wanted cover for the importation of weapons and other war-fighting material so they could kill the Condottieri in Africa. If the rebel leaders-turned-legitimate government didn't play ball well, the Coils were in the 'assassinating people' business and somewhere along the line the survivors would figure out keeping 'us' happy kept them alive. Problem solved.It was Bishop Nicolé de Santis' job to facilitate that understanding. If certain people with Vatican credentials explained the 'facts of life' to the new regime a lot more lives could be saved, Catholic lives. In turn, he could work to make sure the new group in power wasn't nearly as corrupt as the gang we were tossing out. Better education and quality of life, improved infrastructure & security and a nice shiny cathedral, or two.We, as in JIKIT and our component members, didn't want to rule the country and dominate the people's lives. We needed the ports and the airfields with a blind eye turned to our skullduggery. Sure, there would be future considerations. Amazons and Coil members would be fighting and dying for these people's freedom ~ public recognition definitely not required. No; the Amazons wanted to be left alone in their deep jungle homes which was an isolation they basically already had. This was a future chit which said 'don't come looking'.The Coils? Let's just say in the future Cabinda would have embassies around the globe and if occasionally they wanted someone to slip through under diplomatic cover ~ they were good for it. And if the Cabindans ever needed help in the future they knew they had friends in dark places who were now invested in Cabinda's survival. It was a win-win-win, unless you were an Angolan big-wig, or one of their foot-soldier currently serving in Cabinda. Amazons weren't big on taking prisoners, or even giving the opposition the option of giving up.For me, it wasn't lunch yet and here I was plotting to overthrow yet another government in yet another country ~ though in only two, small provinces this time. Thank the Goddess I had the rest of the week

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Send us a textOn this episode, Tom and Bert are at it again with their takes on "Useless Film/Movie Facts"These type of Pods are very therapeutic for the guys and remove some unwanted brain cells in the process. Call it a "Cleansing" of the minds!These are all pretty quick facts with mixed in dialogue from the guys with good banter, a few bloopers and lots of laughs.Enjoy the show!You can email us at reeldealzmoviesandmusic@gmail.com or visit our Facebook page, Reel Dealz Podcast: Movies & Music Thru The Decades to leave comments and/or TEXT us at 843-855-1704 as well.

The time has come for us at the 'Rotten Tomatoes is Wrong' podcast family to say, "so long, farewell."When this podcast premiered in September of 2020, we wanted to shed a light on some of the films that may have been maligned by critics at the time. We wanted to cover the movies that, after watching them, made us think, "That was awesome!" or "That was such a good movie!" only to see that said film had a Rotten rating on the Tomatometer.Inspired by our book, Rotten Movies We Love, we set out to defend audience favorites and cult classics such as 'Sister Act 2,' 'Hocus Pocus,' and 'The Mummy.'After four years of fighting the good fight, Mark and Jacqueline are joined by Producers Lucy Bruckner and Brian Perez, and Mr. "Two Minutes with Tim" himself, Tim Ryan, to look back at some of their favorite moments and guests over the years, talk about their favorite films we covered, and discuss which films we wish we had the chance to defend: 'Eddie and the Cruisers II,' anyone?This podcast would not have been possible without the fans. We are so appreciative of the community we created and the support we received from you each and every week.Thank you from everyone here at 'Rotten Tomatoes is Wrong,' and in case we don't see you... good afternoon, good evening, and good night!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Who am I?! Sho'nuff!It's time to look back at the baddest showdown between Bruce Leeroy and Sho'nuff, and harness the power of "The Glow!"That's right, we're revisiting the 1985 cult classic 'The Last Dragon' starring Taimak and Vanity to see if Rotten Tomatoes is wrong about its barely Fresh 61% Tomatometer score.Screenwriter and podcaster Brandon Collins joins Mark and Jacqueline to break down the delightful insanity that is 'The Last Dragon.'Have you seen this film? Was it a big influence on you growing up like it was for our panel? Let us know in the comments below!And tune in two weeks from now to hear our series finale as we say goodbye from 'Rotten Tomatoes is Wrong.'If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We're king and they know it! Can you top that?!It's time to step back into 1989 to revisit the magical story of Louise Miller becoming a witch on her 16th birthday in the cult classic 'Teen Witch.'Although 'Teen Witch' is Rotten at 43% on the Tomatometer, audiences have come to know and love this unintentionally hilarious fantasy film, given its 74% Audience Score.On today's show actor Heather Grace Hancock joins Mark and Jacqueline to discuss whether Rotten Tomatoes is wrong about 'Teen Witch!'Have you seen this film? Did it change your life and can you quote it endlessly like our guest? Let us know in the comments below!If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this Episode Tom and Bert, now the Kings of useless trivial facts of crap, bring you another round of info to ponder with their Useless Food Trivia and other Fun Facts!You may be entertained or grossed out but you will get the Facts whether you like it or not. We do apologize but we just can't get enough of this garbage!Did you know that Ketchup has medicinal value? OR, that Burger King has an unlimited lifetime VIP card for elite customers?Or how about the fact that the Electric Toaster "pre-dated"  Sliced Bread?OR,  How about President Thomas Jefferson introducing "Mac n Cheese" to the USA and served the dish at State Dinners?These and a ton of other Useless Facts are covered with the normal sarcasm and story telling by the Guys.   Enjoy the Show!You can email us at reeldealzmoviesandmusic@gmail.com or visit our Facebook page, Reel Dealz Podcast: Movies & Music Thru The Decades to leave comments and/or TEXT us at 843-855-1704 as well.

No need to worry because this week the team at Rotten Tomatoes is Wrong looks back at the controversial psychological thriller, "Don't Worry Darling," which is Rotten at 38% on the Tomatometer.However with an Audience Score of 74%, uber fans of Harry Styles and/or Florence Pugh may have actually enjoyed the film.Producer Brian Perez joins Mark and Jacqueline to discuss whether Rotten Tomatoes is wrong about "Don't Worry Darling."Do you like this film? Do you feel like it got a bad rap based on the behind-the-scenes drama surrounding the production? Leave a comment below and let us know!If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's time to jump into your flying boots as we look back at the epic space opera 'Jupiter Ascending,' directed by The Wachowskis, and is Rotten with a dismal 28% on the Tomatometer.Guest Claire Lim joins Mark and Jacqueline to discuss whether Rotten Tomatoes is wrong about this incredibly ambitious interplanetary film, or if 'Jupiter Ascending' is a movie best left in our distant memories.If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

With Matthew Vaughn's next movie 'Argylle' heading to theaters this weekend, we decided to look back at Vaughn's lowest-rated entry in the 'Kingsman' franchise, the 2021 prequel, 'The King's Man.'Were audience's reactions to 'The King's Man' negatively impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic and constant release date changes? Or was this prequel unnecessary to the overall series?Mark and Jacqueline are joined by journalist and producer Simon Thompson to discuss whether Rotten Tomatoes is wrong about 'The King's Man,' which is Rotten at 40% on the Tomatometer.Are you a fan of the 'Kingsman' franchise? Do you enjoy Matthew Vaughn's stylistic action thrillers? Let us know in the comments section!If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Is Michael Bay one of the greatest action film directors of all time? His $7 billion+ box office take says 'possibly,' but his average Rotten Tomatoes score might say otherwise.On today's show, we're looking back at one of Bay's more 'serious' films, the historical action-war drama '13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi,' which is Rotten at 51% on the Tomatometer, but is a hit with fans, given its 82% Audience Score.Mark and Jacqueline are joined by actress and on-air host Candice Cruz to discuss whether Rotten Tomatoes is wrong about '13 Hours!'What is your favorite Michael Bay movie? Is it a 'Transformers' movie? Do you feel Bay is reviewed harshly by critics or are you not a fan?If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Happy New Year from everyone here at Rotten Tomatoes!What better way to start off 2024 than to revisit the aptly-titled Gary Marshall-directed "New Year's Eve" from 2011?The star-studded romantic comedy has a poultry 7% Rotten rating on the Tomatometer, although fans seemed to love it a bit more given its 45% Audience Score.With multiple Oscar-winners leading this cast, how could this movie have gotten such negative reviews? Where did this movie go wrong?!Actress and podcaster Roxy Striar joins Mark and Jacqueline to answer all these questions and more, all on today's show!If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's finally time to say, "Fair is fair!"Producer and Academy Award-nominated writer Emily V. Gordon joins Mark and Jacqueline on today's show and brings in one of her all-time favorite films, the 1985 classic 'The Legend of Billie Jean,' to defend its honor against its wretched 39% Rotten rating on the Tomatometer.Set in Jacqueline's hometown of Corpus Christi, Texas, the film follows Helen Slater's Billie Jean as she fights wealthy bullies, saves abused children, and becomes an icon for the ages.Have you seen 'The Legend of Billie Jean?' Do you side more with its 75% Audience Score? Or is it a film best left to 1985?If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What is Christmas time without a little schmaltz? On today's show, we dive deep into what the critics called a "very schmaltzy" Christmas classic, 'The Family Man.'This sappy film starring Nicolas Cage and Téa Leoni is currently Rotten at 54% on the Tomatometer, but it has a fresh 67% Audience Score.Actor and comedian Tony Baker joins Mark and Jacqueline to discuss whether Rotten Tomatoes is wrong about 'The Family Man' and also get into some of their personal favorite holiday classics.How do you feel about 'The Family Man' from 2000? Is it overly sentimental? Or is it an underrated Nicolas Cage gem?If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's time to munch on some grindage, buddies, and celebrate this delicious turkey holiday by looking back at when Carla Gugino brought home Pauly Shore for Thanksgiving in the 1993 comedy classic 'Son-in-Law!''Son-in-Law' is Pauly Shore's highest rated movie on the Tomatometer at 32%, but our panel fervently disagrees with its abysmal rating as they can't get enough of Shore's 'Crawl.'Special guest and comedian Justine Marino joins Mark and Jacqueline to discuss whether Rotten Tomatoes is Wrong about the cultural phenomenon that was Pauly Shore in 'Son-in-Law.'What is your favorite Pauly Shore movie? Do you think 'Son-in-Law' deserves such a low rating? Or do you side more with the audience and its 59% rating?If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Now that spooky season has come and gone, we are gearing up for that wonderful holiday where we get to visit family, watch some football, and enjoy some delicious turkey!What better way to celebrate than to revisit Christina Ricci's famous Thanksgiving speech in the comedy classic 'Addams Family Values.'The Barry Sonnenfeld-directed satire is currently Certified Fresh at 75% on the Tomatometer, but has a lower Audience Score rating at 63%.Special guest Dorina Arellano joins Mark and Jacqueline to discuss whether this comedy sequel is as good as, if not better than its predecessor, or if the macabre Addams Family should be left alone entirely.Do you believe 'Addams Family Values' deserves a higher Tomatometer score than the critics gave it? Or do you side more with the audience on this one? Let us know in the comments below!If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Master filmmaker Ridley Scott has had some huge hits with 'Alien' and 'Blade Runner,' but he's also had some misses... 'The Counselor' anyone?Today we are looking back at one of Scott's misses with the 1985 dark fantasy 'Legend' starring Tim Curry, Mia Sara, and a pre-'Top Gun' Tom Cruise.'Legend' is currently Rotten at 42% on the Tomatometer but it has developed a cult following over the years and has a 73% Audience Score.TikToker and podcaster CinemaJoe joins Mark and Jacqueline to discuss whether or not Rotten Tomatoes is wrong about 'Legend.'Do you believe 'Legend' deserves a rotten score? Or do you side more with the audience on this one? Let us know in the comments below!If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Just in time for spooky season, we are looking back at the 1996 cult classic 'The Craft,' which is Rotten at 57% on the Tomatometer.For some, this witchy film defined their whole high-school personality in the '90s. For others, 'The Craft' may have been overshadowed by the mega-hit horror film 'Scream' that starred similar actors and came out just months later.Author and podcaster Akilah Hughes joins Mark and Jacqueline to discuss whether or not Rotten Tomatoes is wrong about 'The Craft.'Do you believe in witchcraft and the power of Manon? Does 'The Craft' deserve its legacy cult status? Let us know in the comments below!If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

With ‘Saw X' heading to theaters this weekend and looking to scare the legs off fans, we look back at the 6th entry in the ‘Saw' series.Why ‘Saw VI' specifically? The 6th entry is known for being a fan-favorite of the series and is ranked #2 just behind the original ‘Saw' on the Tomatometer. ‘Saw' superfan Eric Striffler from ‘Pretty Much It' joins Mark and Jacqueline in discussing whether Rotten Tomatoes is Wrong about ‘Saw VI's' 39% Rotten rating.Do you think its rating should be higher? Do you have a favorite ‘Saw' film? Let us know in the comments below!If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The 1998 comedy blockbuster 'Rush Hour' is more than just a hilarious buddy-cop movie. It also happens to be the reason Rotten Tomatoes exists. 'Rush Hour' was Jackie Chan's first big American movie and Senh Duong, founder of Rotten Tomatoes, decided to build a website that aggregated reviews of Chan's previous films for American audiences.Twenty-five years later and here we are, taking a look back at the film that started it all, the movie that helped build a website empire.Guest Winston A. Marshall joins Mark and Jacqueline in discussing why although 'Rush Hour' is technically a Fresh movie, with a 62% rating on the Tomatometer, Winston believes 'Rush Hour' to be a perfect film.Do you agree with 'Rush Hour's' Fresh rating? Let us know in the comments below.If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

By the power of Grayskull, it is finally time we take a look back at the 1987 classic film, 'Masters of the Universe,' starring Dolph Lundgren and Frank Langella as He-Man and Skeletor respectively.Does this 80's camptastic film deserve its 22% Rotten rating on our Tomatometer, or are there some redeeming qualities to it?Host of "The Big Thing" podcast Kristian Harloff joins Mark and Jacqueline in discussing all of this and more all on today's show!For more information on the American Cinematheque and upcoming screenings, visit their site at https://www.americancinematheque.com/.If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We're back with another installment in this award-winning series. Up for crapnalysis, The Substitute from 1996 starring Tom Berenger and The Chronicles of Riddick from 2004 featuring Vin Diesel. In our conversation, we discuss Tom Berenger's less than believable martial arts skills, which role is Vin Diesel's true breakout: Dominic Torreto or Riddick, what these two films got right versus what they got wrong, and why casting Dame Judy Dench is never a bad move. We also get into the sequels associated with The Substitute and The Chronicles of Riddick, all of which were equally craptastic.

Back before Ryan Reynolds graced the world with his fast-talking hilarious character Deadpool, he saved the galaxy against the evil Parallax in the very Rotten film, 'Green Lantern.''Green Lantern' has a 26% Rotten Tomatometer score, with the Audience Score not being much higher at 45%.Podcaster and host Coy Jandreau joins Mark and Jacqueline today in discussing whether or not 'Green Lantern' is as bad as many critics and audiences believe it to be.Does our panel think this superhero movie is a disaster, or do they find some redeeming qualities in the film? Find out on today's show!If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

With a cinematic franchise spanning 7 movies and a television show, it's hard to believe the movie that started it all off in 2002 is Rotten at 35% on the Tomatometer. The Paul W.S. Anderson-written and directed action-horror flick may have not scored well with the critics, but audiences all over the world seemed to love this big-screen adaptation of the beloved Sony Playstation video game.Comedian and writer Lisa Wallen joins Mark and Jacqueline in discussing whether or not 'Resident Evil' deserves its low rating all on today's show!If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Cowabunga, dudes! It's time to take a look back at the original live-action 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' from 1990. While it has a 41% Rotten Tomatometer score, it has an 81% fresh Audience rating. Is the audience right and did the critics miss the mark? Comedian and actor Erik Griffin joins hosts Mark and Jacqueline to discuss this classic turtle flick, and later gives his idea of the perfect 'turtle' movie.If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

With 'Mission: Impossible Dead Reckoning Part One' out in theaters, our panel decided to take a look back on the only Rotten movie in the 'Mission: Impossible' franchise.Does 'Mission: Impossible II' deserve its 56% Rotten score on the Tomatometer? Is this John Woo-directed action blockbuster the worst installment in the series? Our guest today, writer/host Krit, joins Mark and Jacqueline in discussing all of this and more!If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

With the next installment of the 'Insidious' franchise heading to theaters soon, we decided to take a look back at the second chapter in this horrifying series.Guest CinemaJoe joins Mark and Jacqueline in discussing whether or not 'Insidious: Chapter 2' was a setback for the franchise or if it delivered on the scares.If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We're gearing up for 'The Flash' coming out by celebrating the Snyder Cut in all its glory!Comic books nerds Winston A. Marshall and Coy Jandreau join Mark Ellis in discussing whether or not we needed the full uncut version of the original 'Justice League' movie.Is Rotten Tomatoes Wrong about the Snyder Cut with its 71% Fresh rating? Should it be higher? The panel discusses all this and more!If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Guests Marc Bernardin and Dani Fernandez return and join Mark Ellis in discussing which Summer movie blockbusters they're excited to see. Mission: Impossible Dead Reckoning Part 1, anyone??Also, since Producer Brian is getting married, the panel talks about their favorite movies that involve a wedding.If you'd like to give your thoughts on this episode or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

With 'Transformers: Rise of the Beasts,' heading to theaters and looking to smash up the box office, the panel takes a look back at the second movie of the franchise, 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.'Was this movie negatively affected by the 2007 writer's strike? Is it as bad as its 20% Rotten Tomatometer score says it is?Prolific writer and podcaster, Marc Bernardin, and actress Dani Fernandez join Mark as they break down this very loud and chaotic sequel to the 'Transformers' movie.If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

With 'Fast X' releasing into theaters, Mark and Jacqueline take a look back at the movie that started it all, 'The Fast and the Furious.'Is the original the best one in the franchise? Guest John Rocha joins to give his take.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this fun episode of our After Dark series, guests Dorina Arellano and Steph Sabraw join Mark Ellis in discussing all their current favorite AAPI shows. And later on Dorina and Mark talk about the wedding they recently attended and advise what not to do at them!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

With the new (and final?) installment of the Guardians franchise coming out Friday, we decided to revisit Vol. 2 to see if it is a character-driven masterpiece or an overly stuffed mess.Guests Dorina Arellano and Steph Sabraw join Mark in delivering their hot takes on the James Gunn-directed sequel. If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Guests Roxy Striar and Scott Mantz stay after dark to chat about the current movies out right now and what is their favorite snack to eat at the theaters.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What makes a movie line great? Is it the way it's said? Is it the emotion behind the line? Or is it where that line falls in the context of the movie?To continue our celebration of Rotten Tomatoes turning 25 this year, we look back at what we think are the 25 Most Memorable Movie Lines of the Last 25 Years.Guests Roxy Striar and Scott Mantz join Mark in discussing the most iconic lines from movies starting with the year 1998.Do you agree with this list?Email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com to let us know what important quotes we may have missed.Full List Here:25 Memorable Movie Lines of the Last 25 YearsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's almost every stoner's favorite time of the year, 4/20, and what better way to celebrate than to talk about the movies that make us laugh, make us contemplate life, and most importantly, make us hungry?Today, producer Brian joins Mark and Jacqueline to discuss our 25 Favorite Stoner Movies and 20 Best Movies to Watch High according to Rotten Tomatoes.Do you agree with these lists? Do you feel like we left out any essential stoner classics? And what is your favorite movie to watch on 4/20?If you'd like to give your thoughts on this episode or have a movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See the full lists here:25 Favorite Stoner Movies20 Best Movies to Watch HighSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

With 'The Super Mario Bros. Movie' heading to theaters, we look back at Nintendo's first attempt at bringing their iconic Mario to the big screen with 'Super Mario Bros.' from 1993.Host of 'Black Nerd Comedy' Andre Meadows joins Mark and Jacqueline in bringing his unrequited love for the original Mario brothers movie starring Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo.While the critics and audience agree on a 29% Rotten score for the film, Andre believes the score should be much higher, mostly for how memorable it is all these years later, oversized goombas and all.If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

To celebrate 25 years of Rotten Tomatoes, guests Clarke Wolfe and Winston A. Marshall join Mark in reminiscing about some of our favorite movies from 1998. From the comedy blockbuster 'Rush Hour' to the romantic drama 'Practical Magic,' we cover all that 1998 had to offer. Does anyone remember the Jonathan Taylor Thomas Christmas classic, 'I'll be Home from Christmas?' Winston sure does and has an amazing story about it.Check out all that and more all on today's 'After Dark' special episode!If you'd like to give your thoughts on this episode or have a movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

With the fourth installment of the 'John Wick' franchise heading to theaters tomorrow, we decided to take a look at some of our favorite Keanu Reeves films that didn't score so high on the Tomatometer.On today's show, special guests Clarke Wolfe and Winston A. Marshall join Mark to present a Keanu movie they would defend to eternity.In chronological order of release, Mark chose 'The Replacements' from 2000 and Winston chose 'Hardball' from 2001, which are both Rotten at 41% on the Tomatometer, while Clarke selected the more recent Eli Roth film 'Knock Knock,' which is even more Rotten at 37%.Do you agree with these scores? Do you feel like Keanu gets a bad rap when it comes to his range as an actor? The panel discusses all this and more!If you'd like to give your thoughts on these movies or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this next installment of the Rotten Tomatoes 'After Dark' series, Jacqueline and special guest Heather Grace Hancock give Mark grief for mistakenly taking someone else's Starbucks pickup order.Later in the show, all three discuss just how much they love being dog-owners even with all the stresses that come with owning a furry animal.And finally we give insight to the rumored writer's strike that's bound to shake up the entertainment industry.If you'd like to give your thoughts on this episode or have a movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

While some may know screenwriter Kevin Williamson as the creator of the 'Scream' franchise, people might forget he wrote a little film called 'I Know What You Did Last Summer' that left teenagers afraid of hook-wielding madmen on the loose.Is 'I Know What You Did Last Summer' the Diet-Coke to 'Scream's' regular Coke? Or are there memorable moments and standout performances in this 1997 horror classic?Actor Heather Grace Hancock joins Mark and Jacqueline to discuss not only what they did last summer, but whether or not Rotten Tomatoes is wrong about 'I Know What You Did Last Summer's' 44% Rotten rating on the Tomatometer.If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this next installment of the Rotten Tomatoes 'After Dark' series, Matt Knost joins Mark and Jacqueline to talk 'The Last of Us' that's currently streaming on HBOMax. Is it one of the best television series ever created? Will it sweep all the Emmys come awards season? And will Pedro Pascal be coined People's Sexiest Man Alive?That last question is up for debate as Jacqueline gives her take as to why the 'Sexiest Man' belongs to Kansas City Chief's Tight End Travis Kelce this year.Follow comedian Matt Knost on Twitter @mattknost and listen to his show 'Settle the Score' on YouTube and iTunes.If you'd like to give your thoughts on this episode or have a movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's time to put on those boxing gloves and head to Russia to start training because this week on 'Rotten Tomatoes is Wrong,' we are talking about the 1985 classic 'Rocky IV,' starring Sylvester Stallone and Dolph Lundgren.Is this movie campy goodness, or is its 37% Rotten Tomatometer score accurate? Did Sylvester Stallone singlehandedly bring down Russian communism with his quintessential speech at the end of the film?Comedian and host of the podcast 'Settle the Score' Matt Knost joins Mark and Jacqueline to discuss all these questions and more in preparation for the upcoming 'Creed III' movie!If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey all you campers and camp counselors!We're going way back and taking a look at one of Ant-Man aka Paul Rudd's earliest comedies, Wet Hot American Summer, which is currently Rotten at 38% on the Tomatometer.Is it a travesty that such a beloved cult classic is rated so low on the Tomatometer? Some of us think so, while others agree with its score.Writer and podcaster Lon Harris joins Mark and Jacqueline as they discuss whether Rotten Tomatoes is wrong about Wet Hot American Summer.If you'd like to give your thoughts on this movie or have another movie you feel like Rotten Tomatoes got wrong, email us at RTisWrong@RottenTomatoes.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.