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The Super Chevy Brothers Podcast Episode 159 is here! The Brothers share their deep experiences with Monster Hunter Wilds. But not in a gay way. Chevall details his frustrations with the City of the Wolves and its online problems. Yeah, more like "City of SNORES"! Hehehe! Chevar gets flummoxed about Bungie's Vault of No Return. And no Mom today, still trying to get through Emilia Perez, 30 seconds at a time. We wouldn't eat Mexican food made by a Frenchman, so why would we watch Mexican movie made by a Frenchman? I just don't know! Strap up, Yancy. It's time to do some plugging of ears, It's time for the Super Chevy Bros Podcast!!! Support the Show!||SCB Twitter||Chevar's Twitter||Discord||Youtube||Facebook||Instagram||Twitch-God of War: Ragnarok-Playstation Network Card-Xbox Marketplace Card-Nintendo E-Shop CardSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/super-chevy-bros. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

*Musik startet* Yeah. Hehehe. Was geht ab? Es ist 1996......und ich steh' vor der Gruft, alter Staub, kalter Stein,vor mir ‘ne Falle – tritt rein und du bleibst hier allein.Doch da schimmert was Goldenes, schräg hinterm Tor,ich denk mir nur: „Scheiß drauf, ich kriech einfach vor!“Doch ‘ne Stimme sagt mir: „Lara, sei nicht dumm,der letzte, der's versucht hat, der fault heut im Brunn'!“Doch ne zweite Stimme schreit: „Du bist tougher als die,dein Name steht für Action – und Double-D!“Ich schwitz', ich denk', ich grübel',doch da – die Tür fällt zu – übel!Ich muss entscheiden, sonst ist alles vorbei,renn ich ins Dunkel? Ja, nein, jein!Sie sagt ja, er sagt nein,mein Verstand ruft laut: "Lass es sein!"Doch mein Herz schreit: "Ab ins Abenteuer rein!"Ja, nein, jein!Ich hangel an Kanten, die Schwerkraft zieht fies,mein Top bleibt perfekt – das ist 3D-Physik, please!Ein Schatten verrät mir: Ich bin nicht allein,doch ‘n Sprung nach vorn lässt den Tiger ins Leere schrei'n.Ein Rätsel, ein Hebel – ich drück auf Verdacht,der Boden geht auf, ey, das hätt' ich nie gedacht!Ich schau' an mir runter – das ist ja 'nen Ding,denn ich wär fast gefallen, nur am Vorbau ich hing!Ich schwitz', ich denk', ich grübel',doch da – die Tür fällt zu – übel!Ich muss entscheiden, sonst ist alles vorbei,nehm ich den Schatz? Ja, nein, jein!Sie sagt ja, er sagt nein,mein Verstand ruft laut: "Lass es sein!"Doch mein Herz schreit: "Ab ins Abenteuer rein!"Ja, nein, jein!Steh' vor ‘nem Schurken – er grinst und sagt: „Halt!""Gib mir den Schatz oder ich nutze Gewalt!“Ich sag nur „Pech!“, baller ‘nen Schuss,er fällt nach hinten – wie mein Ex nach 'nem Knarren-Kuss.Ich sprint' durch den Tempel, die Wände erbeben,mein Shirt sitzt perfekt – schaut hin, nicht so verlegen.So endet die Reise, die Schätze sind mein', doch die Suche geht weiter, hört aber erstmal in den Podcast hinein!Sie sagt ja, er sagt nein,mein Verstand ruft laut: "Lass es sein!"Doch mein Herz schreit: "Ab ins Abenteuer rein!"Ja, nein, jein!Viel Spaß mit dem Special und sanfte GrüßeJanina & Essi

In this episode of The Wholesome Fertility Podcast, Dr. Amelia Kelley @drameliakelley , a trauma-informed therapist, discusses her journey and insights into high sensitivity, coping mechanisms, and the impact of trauma on mental health. She explores the differences between empathy and compassion, the importance of understanding one's nervous system, and shares her personal fertility journey, highlighting the integration of holistic approaches such as acupuncture and herbal medicine. In this conversation, Dr. Amelia Kelley and Michelle explore the complexities of pregnancy loss, trauma, and the role of the nervous system in fertility. They discuss the importance of letting go of control and embracing spirituality, as well as the dynamics of being a highly sensitive person (HSP). The conversation delves into the benefits of body awareness and how it can aid in healing, while also addressing the challenges HSPs face in relationships and daily life. Ultimately, they highlight the adaptive nature of high sensitivity and its prevalence in the population, encouraging listeners to embrace their sensitivity as a gift rather than a burden.   Takeaways   Coping skills should be viewed as a lifestyle. High sensitivity is a genetic trait, not a flaw. Empathy can have negative health effects. Highly sensitive people require more alone time for regulation. Generational trauma can impact reproductive health. Understanding one's nervous system is crucial for coping. Holistic approaches can aid in fertility journeys. Stress and nervous system balance are crucial for fertility. Highly sensitive people (HSPs) experience the world differently. Body awareness can enhance healing processes. HSPs often respond more positively to therapeutic interventions. High sensitivity is an adaptive trait found in many individuals. Embracing sensitivity can lead to greater self-awareness and compassion.   Guest Bio:   Dr. Amelia Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist, author, co-host of The Sensitivity Doctor's Podcast, researcher, and certified meditation and yoga instructor. Her specialties include art therapy, internal family systems (IFS), EMDR, and brainspotting. Her work focuses on women's issues, empowering survivors of abuse and relationship trauma, highly sensitive persons, motivation, healthy living, and adult ADHD.    She is currently a psychology professor at Yorkville University and a nationally recognized relationship expert featured on SiriusXM Doctor Radio's The Psychiatry Show as well as NPR's The Measure of Everyday Life. Her private practice is part of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium at the Kinsey Institute.    She is the author of Powered by ADHD: Strategies and Exercises for Women to Harness their Untapped Gifts (whichhas a corresponding online support group!), Gaslighting Recovery for Women: The Complete Guide to Recognizing Manipulation and Achieving Freedom from Emotional Abuse, coauthor of What I Wish I Knew: Surviving and Thriving After an Abusive Relationship, as well as Surviving Suicidal Ideation: From Therapy to Spirituality and the Lived Experience, and a contributing author for Psychology Today, ADDitude Magazine, as well as Highly Sensitive Refuge, the world's largest blog for HSPs. Her work has been featured in Teen Vogue, Yahoo News, Lifehacker, Well + Good and Insider.   You can find out more about her work at https://www.ameliakelley.com.   Follow her on Instagram @drameliakelley   https://www.instagram.com/drameliakelley/   https://www.facebook.com/DrAmeliaKelley   https://www.linkedin.com/in/drameliakelley/   https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-your-corner       For more information about Michelle, visit: www.michelleoravitz.com   Check out Michelle's Latest Book: The Way of Fertility! https://www.michelleoravitz.com/thewayoffertility   The Wholesome FertilityFacebook group is where you can find free resources and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2149554308396504/   Instagram: @thewholesomelotusfertility   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thewholesomelotus/     Transcript:     Michelle (00:00) Welcome to the podcast Amelia.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (00:02) Thank you for having me. It's good to see you again.   Michelle (00:04) It's so good to see you. So Amelia's had me on her podcast, the sensitivity doctors in the past, and I would love for you to share your background. I am really interested and very intrigued by what you do because it's something that we spoke about. I totally relate to. I love the fact that you've authored so many books and have such an interesting background. So I would love to have the.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (00:26) Hehehe   Michelle (00:30) audience hear you.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (00:32) Sure. Well, I'm currently in my office. So I'm a trauma informed therapist, professor, and podcaster, which is how you and I met. And I've been in the field for 20 years now. I primarily work with trauma of various forms, but a lot of it is interpersonal trauma, relationship trauma, some issues with sexual abuse, some instances where I also work with per...   a lot of first responders, so cops, doctors, and also folks from the military. So I'd say that my work is kind of an intersection. I sometimes call myself an integrative therapist because just before our session, I was doing a yoga therapy session. I do everything from EMDR, brain spotting, yoga therapy, art therapy is actually my background, sand play therapy.   Michelle (01:02) Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (01:27) I'm so into the brain too. I mean, I'm not, I would not say that my practice is comprehensive in neurofeedback. We do some minor interventions, but I love referring my clients to practitioners in the area to make sure that their brain health is on par too. And I also love referring to Carolina Clinic of Natural Medicine is my favorite in the area, but they do things like acupuncture and.   Michelle (01:40) Hmm.   Mm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (01:54) kind of holistic health, which I know really aligns with what you do. So, yeah.   Michelle (01:59) it's interesting because as you start to do anything, you start to find out how many different layers and different ways and methodologies that certain people respond to better than others. there's just so many different methods. And I think that some people just respond better to some.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (02:10) Right.   Right.   yeah. I think that's a great thing about coping skills. First and foremost, I love the idea of obliterating this idea that a coping skill is like work or that it's something that you only do when you're struggling. I think it's more of a lifestyle. And everyone is going to respond differently. Like I know I personally...   Michelle (02:35) Yes.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (02:41) water is very big for me. Like if I'm really stressed or I'm dysregulated, getting in hot water or cold water is very regulating for my nervous system. Whereas I have clients who the last thing they want to do when they're stressed or dysregulated is shower or get in water. It's actually one of the first things that they stop wanting to do.   Michelle (02:51) Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (03:04) So it's so interesting seeing how we all respond differently, I think, in our own unique nervous system when we're under stress.   Michelle (03:11) Yeah, definitely. I find that also with my patients. mean, some people, be much more open to like things like meditation, other people, there's other ways to self soothing, which I call it, because ultimately, that's really what it is. So yeah, it definitely isn't work. sounds like work.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (03:20) Mm   Mm-hmm.   Right.   Michelle (03:30) but it's not work. think the biggest work is really the strategy and kind of figuring it out. But ultimately it's really there to soothe you at times that you feel overwhelmed.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (03:35) Mm-hmm.   Absolutely. I couldn't agree more.   Michelle (03:44) So let's talk about the sensitive person because I've always felt that that was something that I can describe myself as when I was younger. It was something that I felt I found myself more overwhelmed by noises, by certain people's energy than other people. And people would just be like, you're too sensitive or you focus on things too much. And   Dr. Amelia Kelley (03:52) Mm   Okay.   Michelle (04:08) It was something that I realized, as I met other people like me. I was like, wait, this is kind of a thing. And then when I learned about it, that it really is a thing, I found it really interesting. And it also, I found it very comforting. So it's like, okay, I'm like, I'm not abnormal. Like this isn't crazy. Yeah. So I would love for you to talk about that. So I feel like a lot of people can relate.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (04:14) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Right, Mm-hmm.   Definitely, and I know my aha moment was a big deal to me. It was years ago now. I stumbled upon Dr. Elaine Aaron, who is kind of the pioneer of some of the modern research on high sensitivity on her documentary, Sensitive, the Untold Story.   And it was one of those light bulb aha moments that made so much of my life make sense. Interestingly though, when I dug a little deeper, she was not the of the originator of this. It was actually research done in the 80s on babies and their responses to different stimuli. Things like they had...   Michelle (04:59) you   Mm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (05:17) auditory stimulation with like a creepy face making sound. had light stimulation, physical stimulation. And what they found was that the babies who were more reactive, they were calling high reactive babies, you know, which down the road became high sensitivity. But the really interesting thing is that the researchers went and followed up with these babies who are now in their midlife, you know, they're in their   I'd say probably 40s at this point, 30s and 40s. And they're finding that those high reactive babies still are more reactive adults. And so this doesn't mean someone who's highly emotional or can't control their temper when we think of reactivity. It's more, what is your reaction to sensory input? And certain brains, it is genetic.   Michelle (06:07) Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (06:10) So it's a predisposition. It is a genetic trait. It is not a diagnosis. It is not something to fix. It is rather something to learn from and grow with and manage and live life in that way. And so it's highly genetic. And for that reason, I'm not surprised I have kids who are definitely highly sensitive. And high sensitivity can express in so many different ways. It can look like   Michelle (06:10) you   Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (06:39) hypersensitivity to medication, sensitivity to light, to sound, to being rushed to other people's emotions. That's a big part. The empathy piece is very strong. I think it's really important to understand the difference between empathy and compassion when we consider highly sensitive people. you, like when I say that, does that make sense to you? Do you want me to unpack that?   Michelle (06:52) Mm-hmm.   It does. mean, so what I'm perceiving in that is that empathy is kind of like almost giving more of your own personal energy to something versus just feeling compassion and understanding that another person's emotions or perspectives without almost taking it on. I'm not sure if I'm on or not.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (07:08) Mm-hmm.   Well, mean, I think that's we can all define it differently, but I guess if I was going to scientifically define compassion and empathy. So empathy is our ability to feel what someone else is feeling. We all tend to know that definition. However, the interesting thing is that empathy has a negative impact on your immune health and it increases inflammation. Right. And so when we consider the fact that highly sensitive people   Michelle (07:34) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Well, that's interesting.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (07:56) have more active mirror neurons, which means the areas of their brain designed to plan social interactions, problem solving around social interactions, and even something as simple as, as a highly sensitive person, one of my ways to decompress is to watch like trashy reality TV at night. And so I will find myself as I'm watching these dating shows, smiling with the contestants.   Michelle (08:15) Yeah   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (08:23) or frowning with them. Sometimes I kind of laugh when I catch myself doing it. As a highly sensitive person, those areas of the brain are so much more active. And so it does make us have higher levels of empathy. But when you consider the fact that that can negatively impact your body, if you don't have enough boundaries around them, empathy is pro-social. It helps us get along, but also too much can be draining.   Michelle (08:32) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (08:50) And so compassion is actually kind of the anecdote to empathy because compassion is centered around the desire to act or help. And so this, when we think of self-compassion, the act of speaking to yourself kindly is an act. So you empathize for yourself, I feel bad today because I made a mistake. Just thinking of an example. The compassion is,   Michelle (08:50) Right.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (09:18) I'm going to choose to speak to myself kindly and with love because that will be curative for me. Whereas if you stay in an empathy response, you just continue to feel bad about whatever mistake you made, right? And so for highly sensitive people, it's exponentially important to lean into compassion and we can't all go out and save the world all the time. So sometimes this looks like well-wishing meditation.   Michelle (09:24) Done it.   Got it.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (09:46) processing with other like-minded people, those can be ways to express compassion that doesn't all have to be going out. And I remember, do you remember the movie Free Willy?   Michelle (09:58) yeah, but I don't remember if I saw it or I don't remember the actual movie. wait, though. It was the one with the whale, right? Yes. Yeah.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (10:06) Right, it was fiction, obviously, but as an HSP or an HSC at the time, a highly sensitive child, when that movie was over, I was destroyed at the thought of all these whales in the world who need help. And so my gracious parents who encouraged my sensitivity helped me find an organization where could adopt a whale. So it's like, and I mean, who knows what's happening. We probably paid $20 and...   Michelle (10:29) that's cute.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (10:34) I've adopted a whale, who knows, but it was the act of taking my empathy response and putting it into action with compassion that was curative for my little highly sensitive child heart.   Michelle (10:34) Yeah.   Hmm.   That's beautiful. actually really love that. And it also makes you feel like there's more purpose in the feelings that you're having. You're kind of taking the feelings and creating purpose with it.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (10:57) Absolutely. That's such a way of putting it.   Michelle (11:01) And one thing too, that I was thinking about when you were talking about being highly sensitive, which I could tell you right now, I 100 % am self-diagnosed. The nervous system, I think to myself about the nervous system and possibly that having something to do with it, just having a more heightened sensitive nervous system.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (11:09) Mm-hmm   Mm-hmm.   Michelle (11:22) Besides obviously the antidote and kind of like using or acting or doing, to translate the empathy, but as one part of regulating the nervous system, learning to manage the nervous system, doing things like you said, like when you get home, take a shower, do something that really connects with your nervous system, I feel like is a really great tool. And figuring out what that is, is that something that you often look into?   Dr. Amelia Kelley (11:49) Absolutely. Because if you think about just a handful of the questions that I was posing that help you identify if you're highly sensitive, a lot of them have to do with nervous system response. highly sensitives are more responsive to caffeine, drugs and alcohol, pain tolerance, hunger cues even, are more, you know, felt more intensely. So with HSPs, the nervous system, specifically the limbic   system is more active. And this is something that can be seen on actual scans of HSP brains. It is. It's wild. so I was having a really interesting conversation with Michael Allison, who is one of the instructors for the Polyvagal Institute. And he was talking about, I don't think if he really fully bought into the HSP thing, I think he sees everything through the Polyvagal world.   Michelle (12:20) Mm-hmm.   That's so interesting.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (12:48) And which I totally appreciate. There's different ways to look at our nervous systems. But he said something when we were talking about highly sensitive that really struck a chord to your point about the nervous system. He was saying when our nervous system alerts danger and for him that means the vagal break is off and the vagus nerve is overactive, the heart rate is up, fight flight. When we're not feeling safe.   It's usually because we're attending to something we think we need to attend to because it's out of sorts. And so the highly sensitive person, a look on your face could alert danger to me. Like someone seeming off or upset or concerned could signal that. And so for the highly sensitive person,   Michelle (13:23) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (13:42) They need more time and research has shown up to two hours of unstructured alone time per day is most quote prescribed for highly sensitive. And so the reason being is that our baseline is higher all the time. And so we need more things to regulate the nervous system so that sounds and things and emotions aren't pulling us out of our safety zone so quickly.   Michelle (13:49) Mm-hmm.   Right.   Mm-hmm.   my God, that makes sense on so many levels. I always felt like I needed, I need alone time. Like after a while, I just need to be by myself. need quiet. I need peace. And I totally understand what you're saying. And then also what's interesting is I remember when I was younger, always being afraid, like if somebody was mad at me or like, I would kind of feel a tone of like, my God, are they mad at me? And I get like really upset. And now I had to like learn to   Dr. Amelia Kelley (14:19) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Yes.   Michelle (14:42) just be like, okay, it's not that big of a deal. Maybe they were having a bad day, you know, sort of speak to myself on that, but that makes sense. And then I noticed that with my daughter, if sometimes I'll be busy and I won't respond with like a, you know, a full response, I'll be like, okay, okay, we'll talk later or whatever. Are you mad at me? And I always tell her, believe me, I would tell you I'm pretty clear about like what I'm happy about and not happy, you know.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (14:52) Mmm.   Hmm.   Right.   Michelle (15:07) And, but it's interesting. She'll kind of read between the lines with me. And she's like me, she just took after me. So it's kind of, yeah, so she's 19.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (15:12) Mm   How old is she, I ask? OK, so she's older. I was going to say, I know a great workbook, but it's for younger kids. yeah, she definitely, especially if you are too, it wouldn't surprise me that she would also be highly sensitive because it is so genetic.   Michelle (15:23) Yeah.   And she got like that more as she got older when she went to college than even before, for some reason. I don't know if maybe because she has a lot more going on or, she's starting to regulate on a different level, her nervous system. Cause I think that coming from home, things shift and change.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (15:39) Mm-hmm.   Right.   Totally. mean, think it's research has shown that some high sensitivity traits, you know, can be very present in childhood, but then there's other different types of traits that become more expressed later in life. But   Michelle (16:04) Mm-hmm. Yeah.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (16:06) I also beg to say, let's look at the external factors. You look at someone who is a highly sensitive child who didn't have to raise children, work a job, manage a home. So when you just keep adding more to your exactly, that can make those traits become more expressed too, I believe.   Michelle (16:16) Yeah, right.   Yep, responsibility. Yeah, for sure.   So I want to actually take this into your own journey, because I know you've had your fertility journey, because a lot of listeners, are going through the fertility journey. And I know a lot of people just based on my own clients and patients that are very sensitive and highly sensitive as well.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (16:38) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Michelle (16:48) I work a lot with them on, I don't know if you've ever heard of the NADA protocol. It's really good for PTSD. NADA, it's used, it's, yeah, yeah. So NADA, and it's a protocol that they use on the ears. it's like a, it's a series of ear points that we use like altogether.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (16:54) No. I love learning new things. Tell me. NADA. I have nothing to write on. Okay.   Michelle (17:12) And it works on regulating the nervous system. And it actually works amazing on it's even had published studies on working with vets, people with PTSD, like really major PTSD. Yeah. Yeah, I know. It's, it's really, really interesting. And, and also interestingly enough,   Dr. Amelia Kelley (17:23) I need a pen. Let me just grab one.   Do you use the mustard seeds or is it actual needles?   Michelle (17:33) So you could use the seeds. I use needles. I use needles. then some people, no, no, they're not mustard seeds, but they're seeds. And then some of the studies that were published, I think they even added electric stimulation. And what's interesting is it's not just really great for   Dr. Amelia Kelley (17:36) They're probably not called mustard seeds. I forgot what are they actually.   Mm-hmm.   cool.   Thank   Michelle (17:51) PTSD, but it's also really good for addiction. And interesting, if you think about the two, like what do they have in common? They're kind of like, it runs, they run on a loop. You know, it's this repeated either thoughts or behaviors. And it seems to kind of have that in common. Obviously it's two different things, but sometimes can cross over.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (17:56) wow.   Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   I love that. It's funny. It looks like you're on my podcast right now. So I'm like, let me take notes on what you're saying. You're so smart and knowledgeable in these areas. I love it. I will definitely check that out. I would be so curious if that's something that there are, like I said, a lot of veterans and addicts that I work with. And so I'm definitely going to look into that.   Michelle (18:16) So.   No, no, I know. It will...   I feel the same about you. it makes for a great conversation.   Yeah, definitely look into the studies. I think that that's, seeing the studies and seeing the numbers really makes a difference. And so that aspect of it is amazing. And also Joe dispense does work a lot of what he does helps tons of people with PTSD, like, they do scans and study the brains. It's pretty impactful. Yeah. Yeah. So back to you though, I would love to talk to you about how you feel, your nervous system.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (18:47) Mm-hmm.   That's really neat.   Michelle (19:10) Like how were you able to figure out a way to balance yourself through the journey, knowing what you know, and how do you think it's impacted you on that nervous system level and like the trauma, because I know that it can be very traumatic, even though people don't often talk about it like that. It should be, it should be highlighted in that way so that more people have awareness around it because it really is a very difficult process.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (19:16) Right.   Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Michelle (19:37) has even been compared to a cancer diagnosis. It's really significant.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (19:41) Wow. Well, and I actually have something about my story that integrates the two. So I think when I really look now and I understand my nervous system better, I think that the generational trauma that I was carrying with me into my reproductive years that I didn't understand that I didn't understand my high sensitivity. I didn't have a name for it. I didn't realize that that's what that was. I just thought.   I just felt too much all the time. What I think that was doing was that when I was ready to try to start having a family is that I had been in flight mode. And when people think of flight mode, they think of like running the coop. I had been in flight mode being overly productive. And I laugh because I'm still overly productive, but it's in a different energy now. It's in a completely different energy than it was then. But.   Michelle (20:34) Yeah.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (20:39) This flight mode, think what it was doing is it was putting my nervous system in a state, like you said on my podcast, where it was never able to rest. It was never able to replenish. so my cycle was totally dysregulated. I ended up, I don't know how detailed you want me to get, but I'm happy to share. OK, OK. So I started off, we had tried to get pregnant for a couple of years and it wasn't working. And at the time, I think about it,   Michelle (20:58) you can get as detailed as you need.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (21:09) I was in my doctoral program. I was working at a women's clinic and the methadone clinic and trying to start my practice all at the same time and just live life and be like a normal adult. And so we went the route of Western medicine at first. I love my doctor and he worked with me through the whole journey, but we tried Clomid and I got pregnant. But I think now that I know what I know about egg quality, thank you, Rebecca Fett. She's amazing.   Michelle (21:19) Bye.   Yeah, she's phenomenal. I know I've tried, but she like, she wasn't really doing them. Maybe she is now, but let me know if you get her. She's great. Yes.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (21:40) my gosh, I need to get her on my podcast. Let's like.   We're going to like, we'll just go not tap, tap, tap. Come on. now that I understand what I know now about egg quality, I think that the clomid forced an egg that really wasn't ready to be fertilized. And so we miscarried that baby. And that was the first miscarriage and definitely the most shocking and painful miscarriage. From there, did my, one of my, I think healthier   trauma coping mechanisms is research. And so I just dug in and I created this kind of like wellness plan for my husband and I had like printouts. What I didn't realize is that I was basically creating what Rebecca Fett recommends without realizing what in the world I was doing. And so I had us on a laundry list of vitamins and supplements and all these things. We got pregnant again, very.   Michelle (22:33) and   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (22:45) very luckily with our daughter, who is now nine. And then that was the end of that. was like, OK, that went OK. Maybe it was just like that first miscarriage. Lots of people have it, statistically speaking. Then we were trying for our second child. And I feel like that's when I really got introduced to the world that you're in, which is the Chinese herbal medicine and acupuncture, because we   I think I had already started working with my acupunctures at that time. again, we were having a hard time getting pregnant. And so they put me on like the most disgusting tea, but it was some sort of tea regimen and these herbs. And I was doing really cool acupuncture to your point with like the little electrodes and all of that. And I did get pregnant again, but that time ended up being a molar pregnancy.   Michelle (23:26) Yeah.   Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (23:42) which you know what those are assume or I don't know if you're listeners.   Michelle (23:46) Yes, I remember learning about it. haven't had any of my patients have that, but I remember learning about it actually in school.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (23:54) Right. So the trauma of the first miscarriage was, would almost call that like acute trauma, whereas the trauma with the molar pregnancy. So a molar pregnancy, for anyone listening who doesn't know, is when the sperm and the egg join and the DNA markers are not turned on. So no actual baby starts forming, but a mass starts to form. And your body thinks you're pregnant, and so it spikes your HCG actually above kind of average levels.   I thought I was pregnant with twins. was so sick. So I go in and I'm, I want to say eight, seven, eight weeks at that point that I thought and they scanned and there's no baby, which felt like a miscarriage, but it wasn't. But what happened after it was that I still had to do a DNC and then I had to do monthly HCG tests to make sure that my levels were dropping because if your levels of HCG go up at any point, have to   Michelle (24:26) Mm-hmm.   Right.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (24:52) do chemo. So this was this chronic six month period where we couldn't try again. And every month I was going in afraid for my health.   Michelle (25:00) Mm-hmm.   my gosh.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (25:05) Right. So that was a totally different type of trauma. And then we got pregnant again. And that one we lost at 10 weeks because it was a little boy with downs. And then we finally got pregnant with our son that we have now. But I would say during that journey of those miscarriages, that was when I really dug deep into   Things like I was saying, like really taking everything serious with Chinese herbalism, looking at what I was putting in my body, looking at what was around me, my stress level, mean, meditation, really anything I could to balance my nervous system. And to your point, I think the nervous system played a role finally in us getting pregnant with our son because I think when you were on my podcast, I told you that   Michelle (25:47) Yeah.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (25:58) I was doing all these things, it wasn't working, and then finally I did that, quite essential, fine, I give up. I'm not doing this anymore. I went to my acupuncturist and I said, just do stress this time. Don't do any of the fertility treatments, please. I just don't want to even think about it anymore. And then it's so obnoxious to say, but three weeks later we got pregnant.   Michelle (26:04) Mm-hmm.   It's not, it is, it's something that I'm, well, I'm not just, know why you're saying that because people are like, what the heck? Like, it's kind of like the just relax kind of thing. saying just relax is not helpful. That's why people are like, okay, well then how, you know, that's the how, like, how do I relax? so actually let's talk about that. Cause that, that is a big thing. That's a big thing.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (26:32) Right, right.   Right. Well, I I let go of the outcome. Yeah, I think for me, it was letting go of the outcome. And I think that allowed my nervous system to get back to a safer baseline. To your point about asking about high sensitivity, I think what used to be the stress was work and school. The stressor became the goal.   Michelle (26:52) Yeah.   Yes. You know, I just hadn't, an aha, but if you want to continue, I did, I just had an aha. It's like you're taking on the responsibility of the goal. You think that it's all up to you and you're taking that weight on your shoulders. And I think that that's what it is is, and, I'm kind of thinking back cause I had Dr. Lisa Miller. I don't know if you've heard of her. She's yeah, she's amazing. You would love her. And I think she would be great on your podcast. So put her down as a   Dr. Amelia Kelley (27:06) Which, what? Ooh, no, I wanna hear it.   Mmm.   Mm-hmm.   I've heard that name.   and a jotter down.   Michelle (27:32) as an option or somebody. She went through the fertility journey, but separately from that, she's also a professor in Columbia. I think you would love talking to her because you're a professor as well. And she's a psychotherapist and she is studying spirituality in the brain.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (27:41) good. Yeah.   that's interesting. Okay.   Michelle (27:50) It's fascinating. And so they found looking at, scans of brains and how they're functioning, where they're lit up, that spiritual people who are spiritual have different brains, their brains look different. And this could be the same brain of somebody who used to not be spiritual and then became spiritual. It doesn't matter. And what's interesting is, so this is my, as you were talking, not to interrupt, hopefully you're trained a thought, but   Dr. Amelia Kelley (28:05) Interesting.   Mm-hmm.   Michelle (28:18) can come at life taking on the responsibility of every single part of our outcome and like fully micromanaging ourselves and bearing that weight or when we're spiritual, that means that we believe in a higher power or some kind of higher intelligence. We're relying on something else and not carrying all the weight. So we're just basically giving our intention out there, but, but also feeling safe enough. Like you said, safe, word safe.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (28:28) Thank   Mm-hmm.   Yes.   Michelle (28:46) to let go. So that was kind of my heart just came out.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (28:48) Hmm, absolutely. No, I love it. mean, the connection makes so much sense because and it kind of makes me think of why it doesn't have to be quote religion that someone leans into. It doesn't. It can literally be if you're someone listening who is an atheist and staunchly does not believe in a higher power, it could be energy. I mean, we can't there's no denying scientifically there's energy. mean, even   Michelle (29:01) Mm-hmm. No, no, it doesn't have to be religion.   Right?   True.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (29:18) plants have been proven to grow better when we speak to them because of the energy and probably the carbon monoxide, but like you're a carbon dioxide, but not monoxide. I'm not breathing carbon monoxide, but you can't deny energy. even if someone is not religious or I would say, I would want to ask her actually, does this hold true for someone who's not quote spiritual, but   Michelle (29:25) Yeah, yeah, yeah, dioxide. Totally. understood. Yeah.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (29:44) who gives up things to the idea of energy. I want to ask her that.   Michelle (29:48) That's a great question. when you do have her on, let me know, because I'll be listening to the podcast.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (29:53) for sure. For sure. Thanks for the tip for the, I'll definitely check her out and reach out.   Michelle (29:57) Yeah, but it's fascinating. And I think to myself, I think that that might be that trusting in something else, trusting in an outcome or kind of releasing or relinquishing that burden and that responsibility. And that I guess that that was the aha is like taking on that responsibility of really trying to, take on the outcome, like as if you really have all of the responsibility and how it turns out and that burden and that feeling and that blame.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (30:06) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Now I'm having an aha. Well, yes, I'm having an aha because high sensitivity. So I was talking about the mirror neurons earlier and the empathy overload with highly sensitives. Highly sensitive people, we do tend to naturally take on the responsibility of other people's emotions. And we also, even one of the questions that Dr. Aaron poses is,   Michelle (30:29) Tell me. This is great. We bounce off each other really well.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (30:54) Do you know how to make people comfortable in a room? Like things like changing the lighting and the volume and the temperature in the room. I think even as a highly sensitive person, we kind of naturally take on the responsibility of the environment. And that's why some HSPs who are not high sensation seekers, who are just, you know, kind of more of the traditional introverted expression of it, they really get overwhelmed in social settings and they don't love hosting.   Michelle (31:19) Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (31:23) because it's too much to micromanage. I'm a high sensation seeking HSP, so I do enjoy hosting and having people over at my home. However, the hours leading up to the event, I need quiet and calm. I've got like a hairpin trigger nervous system leading up to inviting people in my space, even though I love it. It's like this weird.   Michelle (31:24) you   Mm-hmm.   Hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (31:52) dichotomy. yeah, letting go of responsibility, think, releases the nervous system of a highly sensitive person as well.   Michelle (32:00) Yeah. And it's so interesting that you're saying that because like, I look back at my childhood, I was a really good imitator. And that just makes sense because you pick up on the little details of people's behavior and energy and you mirror that like literally.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (32:09) Mmm. Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm so curious and envious because I'm terrible at accents. Like, terrible. Really? Mm-hmm.   Michelle (32:26) Yeah, I used to, I would do it even when I wasn't trying. I would start to take on like, I would do it on purpose and when I wasn't trying, like I would just pick up on like certain behaviors or certain like tones and things. And I would kind of like take on like the energy of friends that would have very specific ways of talking. And I would almost be like, like I would catch myself. like, that's weird. I don't want to do that.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (32:35) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   You're like, I don't want to look like I'm really imitating them. This might get awkward.   Michelle (32:55) For sure. But it's just so fascinating. and then you're talking also highly sensitive persons that they could also have glucose sensitivity. You were saying you were talking about the physical sensitivity, right? Like that sometimes it could be allergies or other things and it's not just emotional.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (33:06) Mmm.   Mm-hmm. Well, so if you think about, it's not that they're going to have more unstable blood sugar from a technical medical stance. It's that the highly sensitive nervous system can sense peaks and valleys more than someone who is not highly sensitive. So they might respond more to hunger cues and may feel more   Michelle (33:29) Mm.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (33:39) panic or anxiety or stress in the state of hunger. So they may be more likely to be the person that reaches for something to re-stabilize glucose. But then you can see how depending on someone's metabolic health, that might not fit well into whatever their health goals are. So I think of my non- he's actually quite highly sensitive now, but my husband- I'm going grab water.   Michelle (33:43) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Got it.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (34:08) Sorry. My husband, who is a little bit less sensitive and has a more stable metabolic system, when he's hungry, it doesn't cause as much distress.   Michelle (34:08) Sure.   Got it.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (34:20) If that makes sense.   Michelle (34:21) a body awareness thing. because HSPs are probably much more aware of how their bodies feel because a, immediately feel it. And then that impacts their emotions or how they feel mentally. Cause a lot of emotions get processed and they're really felt in the body. think, a lot of times people don't realize that it's why somatic.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (34:39) Mm-hmm.   Michelle (34:43) work can be so beneficial. Have you looked into somatic work?   Dr. Amelia Kelley (34:48) I do offer some forms of somatic work. I am not a somatic-experiencing practitioner. That takes a full, it's almost like a whole separate degree. But I actually find what you're saying very important to highlight, too, because HSPs, while anyone listening might think, goodness, OK, I'm highly sensitive. Now what? Does this just mean that I'm in for it? Everything's going to be harder?   Michelle (34:57) wow.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (35:14) The good thing, the hopeful thing is that HSPs also respond more to positives. So they feel more positive sensation from things like a massage or acupuncture or homeopathy or different aromatherapies. They're really going to benefit from it. I think that's why   Michelle (35:20) Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (35:39) My HSPs tend to stay in therapy longer. So HSPs are kind of a stronger ratio in therapy, not only because the world can feel more traumatizing at some points for HSPs, but because they just get so much out of it. I think it also leads to things like food can taste even better. Music can sound even more beautiful. Movies can be even more moving. So there's these...   Michelle (35:58) Mm-hmm.   There's benefits.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (36:09) Yeah, there's this, I wouldn't give it up. I wouldn't want to be less sensitive just because it would make me a little bit less likely to reach for a snack in the afternoon. So there's this yin and yang to it.   Michelle (36:14) brain.   Yes.   For sure. I actually like just from my own journey based on that, what I offer a lot of my patients and I always talk to them about it when I perceive that they get overwhelmed by stimulation. That was really how I saw it. I would say that it's not about changing that it's a gift actually, cause it could also teach you to be very aware of other people's feelings and   Dr. Amelia Kelley (36:40) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.   Right.   Michelle (36:50) And that can be a great thing for healers, to be honest, because you're a lot more likely to be able to understand the people that you're working with. It's not about changing. It's more about managing, kind of figuring out ways to stabilize so that it works for you.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (36:53) Mm-hmm.   Right.   Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.   Right.   Absolutely. And I think that's the whole key of identifying whether or not you're one and why it's important. I've had clients who come in with a laundry list of diagnoses from other practitioners, usually because what's going on is trauma and it's being misdiagnosed as many other things, just my clinical opinion. But when I say maybe you're also highly sensitive, sometimes they just throw their arms up like another thing. And it's like, no, no.   Michelle (37:36) Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (37:37) This is a key. This is a huge level of insight that can inform everything from your fertility journey for people listening, from trauma, from navigating. Anytime something stands in your way of getting where you want to be, if you know, well, I'm highly sensitive, so I will be more likely to succeed at this thing or accomplish this thing or feel better about this thing if I take my sensitivity into account.   Michelle (38:01) Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (38:07) Perfect example, I had a very heavy day yesterday. had, I think, eight clients, a podcast, an interview, and a class. It was too much. It was a heavy, heavy day. I get home and my husband had managed to fix the voice-changing microphone toy that my kids have that had been broken that I wasn't rushing to fix. so I come in the house. They run to me. They're so excited to see me, so I'm excited to see them.   Michelle (38:17) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Ha ha ha!   Dr. Amelia Kelley (38:35) and then they start in on this microphone. The last thing I wanted was to hear that microphone. But I know I didn't want to ruin their fun. So I know about me that I am going to be sensitive to sound when I'm overstimulated. So I went into my bag. I got my loop earbuds. If no one's ever heard of them, they're great for dampening noise around you, but you can still hear people. Popped my earbuds in. I didn't feel like I had to mask the issue of being sensitive to the noise.   Michelle (38:56) Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (39:03) My family knows this about me. It wasn't anything against my kids. It was just, I'm going to pop these in so you can still have fun, but I can feel peaceful. And that's, think, a compassionate way to care for yourself is when you know these things about yourself, you can do things to help you still integrate and feel happy and peaceful in your life, but not have to push away what really is true.   Michelle (39:17) Mm-hmm.   I love that. actually really love that. It actually, the idea of highly sensitive, I don't mind it. Although I do think that there's definitely a lot of labels. I don't see this as one because the reason why I'm saying this, it reminds me of human design where you find out your strengths and sensitivities.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (39:42) Yes.   Michelle (39:47) and I think that once you know those, so it's not like a disorder, you know, cause we, think we hear all these different labels. think of it as like all these disorders. It's not no. And so that's the thing with this. I feel like it brings a lot of clarity. I, as a sensitive person   Dr. Amelia Kelley (39:54) Mm-hmm. It's not even a diagnosis.   Michelle (40:05) it really makes me understand myself more and manage it more. Just like you said, and I think that that is the key rather than getting frustrated with my husband who likes to really over explain. And sometimes I'm like, okay, my brain is like just on fire right now. And I have to explain that to, like, I know to explain that to him, like, it's not you, it's just me. He like right now I'm overloaded with information. I need a little quiet.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (40:10) Mm hmm.   Mm-hmm.   my gosh.   Yes.   Right.   Mm-hmm.   Michelle (40:33) So I think that when you do that, you'll also come at explaining things in a way that's more compassionate and easier to communicate rather than getting frustrated because you'll understand yourself better. And you understand sort of the situation that somebody else might not have that level of sensitivity and you do so they may not realize it. And I just feel like it really puts so much clarity to the situation.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (40:41) Right.   Right.   Right.   absolutely. if you happen to have kids or if you're on this fertility journey and in the future you're blessed with kids, the likelihood of them maybe being sensitive is quite high. And so you will be able to model for them. I joke one day, my daughter was probably three or four at the time, and she kept asking me for things in the bathroom. like, what is she doing? I walked in and she was laying in the tub with a book and a cup.   Michelle (41:17) Yes.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (41:30) and a towel over her face. And I'm like, what are you doing? She goes, I'm being mommy. I know, but it made me really proud too, because I'm like, OK, great. So this has been modeled for her. And you know, one thing we didn't even mention that we probably should have mentioned at the very beginning, high sensitivity is not abnormal. It's an adaptive trait. And it is a third. Up to a third of the human population is highly sensitive.   Michelle (41:35) That's really cute.   Yeah.   you   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (41:59) And there are ranges. So you have high sensitivity, medium sensitivity, and there are actually people who are low sensitive as well. Like their nervous system takes a lot of stimulation to be activated. And you might notice if you start learning this about yourself, you'll be able to start reflecting on people in your life and how you respond to them. And there might be people you can get to depth with a little bit more easily. Those might be your other co-HSPs.   Michelle (42:12) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (42:29) And this is not just humans. The research shows this is in hundreds of animal species, even bugs. So it's everywhere. It's part of nature. It's part of nature, essentially.   Michelle (42:38) Wow, that's fascinating. That's so interesting. It's wild. You know, and I think to myself, like one of the things that I noticed, and it's so interesting that you said this, because I noticed that my patients, One of the things that I really observe is how they respond to treatments. Not everybody responds as quick.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (42:52) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.   Michelle (42:58) Some people take a little longer. so I can come up with like my first protocol, but then I realized I need to shift it a little bit, depending on how they do, or sometimes I'll even use baby needles on people who are very, very sensitive. Cause I don't want to overdo it with their nervous system. They don't need the strong needles. They don't need the strong stimulation cause they feel it already. And the people that have that body awareness   Dr. Amelia Kelley (43:04) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.   Mmm.   Right.   Right.   Michelle (43:22) is that when they have that body awareness, I feel like they respond to treatment a lot faster.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (43:28) Mm hmm. Yep. You're right. Just like we were saying that you'll get more good out of the good.   Michelle (43:31) Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. So interesting. I can talk to you for hours. I really enjoy our conversations. It's a lot of fun. I'll come back and then I'll have you back because I'm sure we can come up with like all kinds of things to talk about.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (43:37) I know I have to have you back now.   Well, and you know the funny thing, so I'll tell your listeners my podcast is The Sensitivity Doctor, and I have folks on all the time to talk about different topics around sensitivity. Do you know I have not had an episode literally just talking about what it means to be a highly sensitive person? I would love to have you on to have a chat about what it means to another highly sensitive person, and we can just unpack it. Because we talk about it extraneously around it, but I'm like,   Michelle (44:04) really?   Let's do it. Let's do it.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (44:16) Yeah, we should just unpack what that means. So I would love to have you back.   Michelle (44:20) That would be great. I really enjoy talking to you. can just like totally pick your brain. You're so interesting to talk to. I got really, and I love your energy and you're also the way you approach it in such an empowering way. I love that. Like I think it's just amazing. yeah, yeah, this is fun. I'm really excited. I actually met you.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (44:26) thank you. You too.   Mm-hmm. Thank you.   Yeah, it was a good it was a good meeting   Michelle (44:41) it was definitely a great meeting. So I would love for you to share for people listening and if they want to learn more, if they want to read your books, how they can reach you and how they can work with you.   Dr. Amelia Kelley (44:47) Mm-hmm.   Sure, so as I was mentioning, I do have my podcast that comes out every Thursday. But if you want to learn basically anything that I have to offer, it's on my website at AmeliaKelly.com, and that's Kelly with an EY. And I have links to my Psychology Today blog. It's called In Your Corner. I've got meditations on Insight Timer on there. There's a couple different quizzes, like if you want to figure out if you're in a...   trauma bond, if you want to learn if you're a highly sensitive person, I have an assessment on there. I also offer what I think to be the most important tools from some of my books that I want to make available to everyone for free, like the safety plan of how to get out of domestic violence situations, suicide safety plan, gas lighting checklist, like some of the things that I feel like everyone really should just have. You don't need to go buy the book.   Those are available too. So you can also find links for all my books and I also have a group that I meet every Tomorrow actually it's meeting. It's every other Thursday It's called powered by ADHD and it's for women with ADHD and sometimes we have guest speakers on which we're gonna have tomorrow night so I'm excited about that and I love that because it's a resource that women anywhere in the world can reach out You don't have to be in the state of North Carolina where I'm licensed. So   virtually anyone who is a woman or identifies as a woman can join that.   of course. Thanks for having me. Yeah, you'll come back. Awesome.  

Here's what's gonna happen… Okay— I'll be writing you a prescription for Ivermectin. WHAT IN THR FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? Exactly. Hehehe…you'll see. Oh no. What happens. Here it comes. Doctor Meyers! I'm—busy. You'll want to know about this. I guarantee you it's something I probably already know— No— that's impossible. Nothing is impossible. I'm a doctor. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

Here's what's gonna happen… Okay— I'll be writing you a prescription for Ivermectin. WHAT IN THR FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? Exactly. Hehehe…you'll see. Oh no. What happens. Here it comes. Doctor Meyers! I'm—busy. You'll want to know about this. I guarantee you it's something I probably already know— No— that's impossible. Nothing is impossible. I'm a doctor. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

Here's what's gonna happen… Okay— I'll be writing you a prescription for Ivermectin. WHAT IN THR FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? Exactly. Hehehe…you'll see. Oh no. What happens. Here it comes. Doctor Meyers! I'm—busy. You'll want to know about this. I guarantee you it's something I probably already know— No— that's impossible. Nothing is impossible. I'm a doctor. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

She's REAL! I'm telling you she is. Sweetie, I know you have had a lot going on lately, but— I'm serious! She was sitting in the audience! She had the same glasses on and everything! Oh, come on. I should be meditating. The likelyhood that I might actually be belonging into a hive mind has recently kept me from furiously masturbating. Bad news for the helicopter making a habit of hovering outside my window. Here's hoping she's dressed this time! [F-f-f-f] Nope. Synopsis “The child within” A frustrated present day Drew Barrymore sees a familiar face in the audience of her hit daytime tv show—formerly thought of as her imaginary friend, from a very young age, Ms. Drew Barrymore has not seen the mysterious figure since her first major film role, after which she mysteriously disappeared— the creature, a time traveling and shapeshifting multidimentional tasked with the duty of bringing future celebrities from one realm into another—and even sometimes perhaps preventing obstacles or adversaries in their path along the way— must meet the future stars and alert them of their unique qualities, nurturing the intrinsic sense of charisma and charm that will supply value to the subject's career and lifetime achievements— In attempting to convince a room full of New York's own fabrication of Hollywood TV People that a figure drew even thought herself to have supposedly re-emerged, she is met with judgement and dismissal, even by “her people”, during which a small piece of her spirit— “The Child Within” angrily breaks away from her adult self; in a sense, they are both invisible—as no one will seriously listen to Drew's rationalizations or theories, and reccomend more intensive mental health care and treatment—and as the child within, unseen and unheard loses her patience in the inevitable invisibility, she separates herself to presume her former mission; finding that ‘very strange lady' whom with she had beforehand seemingly adventures with timelessly. So that's where I left off. Pretty much— Doesn't this lady just— Whatever, I do have more things to do than I thought. I'll have to get back to it later. I wrote this days ago; I didn't write it—but I've been thinking about it, so there it is. Maybe— Whatever. More coffee. I've been starting my days between 6 and 8 PM with very strong cups of coffee— Compliments of the Television people, of course. What about that other storyline— the one where she's like a spy or something? You mean Charlie's Angeles! No, I mean like actual CIA. What was she even doing? I don't know; looking mad serious in a blazer. Posh. So very, {Enter The Multiverse} NO, BILLIE! WHYYYYYYYY! WHYYYYYYYYYYYY. Cause it's shark week. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS HAVE TI DO WITH SHARKS?! I Dont know yet. I know better than to Click a photo of you, when I've been thinking of you Too much Aren't you –At least Curious (To say the least, but–( Learned enough The first time Second time Third time Fourth rung don't care Time's up Problem solved I know better (Just a touch.) I know better The world is mad I know better Fingers crossed I know better I'm all alone I know better I know better I heard my neck break at the end of the rope I heard a gunshot in the distance We all wondered which sounded better The rock i'm under (A curse, or a spell?) A blood bond ritual An occult oath, it's Too many simpletons, Singletons, scratch and sniff, motion pictures Who art thou? Who art I not? Very well. No more, if you would remain. As I must. And yet, I have come to end thy reign. Very well. Oh, again? Oh, as always. I've done nothing in my right to mark tirade. Many ears. –and many hearts. Take mine, an honor. Your head, i'd rather. Say again. I'd rather your head. Very well. Dismiss, you. They are as one. A fair right. It's not as bad as you think. It's worse than it was. Now there's stuff all over it. What is this stuff?! Don't worry about it. There are tears. No remains. No remains. None at all? I'd rather burn than buried. And your Kingdom? –I'd rather burn than buried. Or–? Or buried than burned, but gone at all. Gone at once. As with this. So it is. It's not in the blood; You won't find it. –I'll find it. Not that way. __ GODDDAMN. YOu'RE SO DUMB. You're so fucking–stupid. I'm a genius. Not for long! You're a dead man. Your highness! And who is this? His highness's executioner; perhaps also yours. On what charges?! Dismissal at once. On my time! –and tell no others of this. –and you? Steady well in my greeting. And how? A lady upon a throne, not I, but still fair castel And wages of ageless. So it doesn't matter! So it doesn't. So it can't–matter Shouldn't have to. Somebody just kill this poor fuck already. On it. Oh, I get it. It's his face. L E G E N D S - ASCENSION Listen, Potter; I don't know how you did this! I don't know how I did this! I'm not Harry Potter! My name is Daniel Radcliffe, and– This place should be spotless. It is…spotless. {Enter The Multiverse} When you think you're hearing voices, But you're actually telepathic.; I think it's getting worse now; I wish I was just manic I think I need a manager; I think I need some magic, I think I got a half an oz Just sitting my my backpack That's a lot of cocaine, man. It's not that much. It's more than regular. That's fair. Way, way more. More than usual. I am very wasted. Just let me touch your face And let the age sit in Take in the day The cage sits in a mailbox And it withers with my divedends, Still, I'm writing Heroism, hedonism Circumstance, Frantic as an orgasm, And laughs just as much hard as that I came in color These marginal differences, I've been levitating, Marrying the thought of just l Decapitating every nation. Severed heads as one, To stand the wicked bodies Oaths if over oceans stand as borders Who deserves to sail For failures craving fortunes? Withstand this, I mark true— On your duty of my decaying Stands as justice, and still this You haven't fortuned, For arrogance is the truest of humor And wit to none, wiser thinking He is or are that may Be stronger in the notion that There is no other but himself! And so I pardon! Dear, your honor Fight for festherwate for masterpieces Cherished and forbaroned in the faithless, Wise and withered none, but lying waking Barking tides, wishes foul and ordinary; There you wait for judgement, And call I, Boundless as you found her As one, And I say— There, there; There you are in marked for God, Calls none but I, others Seeking in the wate of judgement. Fair and Farrows of the ache And bound I, still now To causing none but fortune, Still truth waits in the ark you have tied us To, in hundreds number There I wait, And there I come, still Now in time, You are we And I are Together Not tied, But marked as one, As such, this now Is where embarked Dither will you. Whatever the fuck that means. Must mean something. You DJ…magic? I do whatever I want. Awh—oh, well. Why are you so nervous? Just aM. Sit down. I'm already sitting. Lower. Uh, like this? On the floor. Alright… Here's a cushion for your arse; Don't get up. Thank you. I'm going to make tea. —I take cream in mine; two sugars. I didn't ask! [in almost no time, and some heavy clamoring through the beaded entry to the doorway, a teacup appears on the table in front of him; it slowly begins to swirl, filling with tea—it fills nearly to the brim, steaming, and trembles a touch.] Um… [as he raises his finger with a timid objection, the cup of tea plumes with a cloud of cream—and while his eyes widen with amazement, drawing him closer to the cup, two cubes of sugar splash into the tea; two tiny drops of tea ricochet into his right eye, which he palms with a wince, his other eye still wide with awe; the woman re enters the parlor, carrying a traditional tea tray, a decadent silver platter adorned with an assortment of sweets, and a tea set. She places the platter at the center of the table, and the table sets itself; the table is now set for four, and the teapot pours itself at the head of the table, into the woman's teacup. That ought to do it. It worked! Of course it worked; it always works. Very nice. I see you got my message. [still distracted and in a sort of wonder by the whimsical uproar, the man's attention is aimed at the two empty places at the table. ] Are you expecting company? I'm always expecting company… My hands are tied behind my back You solid wasted time for facts; And steady drawing love for oaths To skin we carve The path of ours, Orion's Belt Something seems off about her There is something strange, no doubt. Unwilling to be by (Sacred vows) Distant In the calling for forests— So we wait Tears as raindrops, though drought has fallen Then reflected in words of others, The mind gone, All else rotten Silk ties, my ears There words, soft voices The other seeking, One running Then came and went The summer gone The spring had flowers The over dried The tongue sparked Horror, Forgotten Remembered, Then, valued and weeping for something else Stranger tide, Oceans foreign, And lands unconquered. Heavy rain, Though tears has dried Heavy hearts as service ended Nothing left my ions, clouds Mercury, women, blood drawn Sad strange, headless, gasping Horse drawn outlets, Incapable of telling fortune; Dust, Dust, Dust, Dust— The curse has broken And still there was love there, and then There was love there all along, For there to had ever been A dance at all. I hate you. Good riddance. Probably for the best, Nothing‘S for the best now! “Best In Show” Name? McNulty. McNulty, eh? Aye. I recognize that You don't say. I shouldn't. Now I see your position And the evidence is adding up All odds against me Not a shiver up my spine Or a sliver under my nail Or a silver in your hair, Nor silver moon, or moonlight Silver stone or Preston Presley or Evenston —so it is—a game. This big network This big chunk change This been (Isn't isn't it) Rolling around in my mind, for days Very well now, settled— Then, there you are A cloud Nevermind the rest of it, It's what we said in the beginning I will always See you in another— I will always See you in another I will always See you In Another It's your move. It's been my move for four decades. Light. More visibility— Yo the ante; I have not dismissed you yet Stead classmates, taking Are you high now— Are you done yet? There it is again; The enemy Nevermind ahain, I thought I'd lose you And there it still is, Can it be? Love in my eyes for you; Even if you are at best Just a mirror, I'm a flashbulb And the last party at your entourage. I don't encourage any carbon dating Honey, But if you are I've got a lesson, for ye— Bored armor, Settle down, I— Got to tell you, Steady stories; Still foggy on my upbringing, There, there I say, Wind moves in all directions All skies get cloudy, Call rain, And then clear again There, there now All skies move, without notice There, there now, All is known but never is not There are things, There are murders, There are tongues There are trials, There are ions, You are right, And scared laying asking not to call out Therefore anyway, I heard you yelling with only a whisper There, there you are Right near the top, Where you ought to be And then also, Moving steady for forwards From another superimposed, Depends on Signal lost Very well, then, Surf to calling, Ring to spark, I There you are, my love Another light, And then, Again— In another life. I will always see you. The shit that falls out of me with just a look. We've all got jobs to do, and as it turns out— it might be really all the same. One job, different tasks, but for one, it's for certain— I want the peppermint swirl. Give me a dozen assorted I put it all on on a (Turn turn) I put it all on a (Turn turn turn) Woah, buddy— You should not have taken those promotional photos wearing my eyes, man. I am not very photogenic. I'll call you back. I could give you the whole Moon and it still wouldn't be enough; I'm home and still there's no roof over my head Hanging on to the edge of a ladder The top at the bottom And life on its side Like it's upside down Inside out Minus 1 And I don't want to go there Minus 5 And I can't read negatives Minus 9 And minutes turn to nothing Gone the time All out battles with All who waited And close to those Were meetings, Designations, Heroes, Writers, Ice cream trucks Tough battles Winners— Games and Levitating on so secretly secrets say “God, Donald, you're on your own” But heavy greetings wash out All who were away at your essence Strings of gold Very wary Wavy heroin, I'm all galaxies Are you whole, in Stuffed stalker, Tin straw hats Carols in summer Marking stones Summer days Summer Are you in here Or out here After all had died And gone grey Still against my head The tender sparkles Of sparked dust, No stars yet Under city winds and Careful not to wake the sound of Delicate and soft Pink detergent And Careful not to thank the Conditioner, saved you Careful Safety Comes first Careful Safety Careful Careful Careful Calm down. She's a partial obsessive… You were tricked into writing all this. Tricked willingly, anyway. No, just tricked. You thought you were special. I realized I had to be when I saw the same thing twice on both ends — I'm just doing my rounds. Making the bed Playing catch up Doing check ups— Well done, boys. I know what you are now. The job is done. The job is a job. [I'm seeing my clarity.] Try not to lay next to me eating; Try not to stand here on such a heavy plane Try frequency, Dignity, Disgrace and Distress, Maybe Major Mayday NATO Bombs down Maybe Stay there Maybe faraway But I can hear you Taking in Shallow breaths Planes crash Plans fail And then— There I was remembering All of a sudden There was no actual plan in this I was just playing by ear. So you are in there. Somebody nail me to a cross and tell me what the Fallon equivalent to Skrillex following me from LA to Brooklyn just to leave me in a homeless shelter to rot— 11 And though eventually I came up kind of okay on the other side affects, the paralyzing realization that I never wanted anything but proper mating. That's, for facts, but— Now with this looming Over my grave I'm sure I've yet something else to worry about just In general. I was told to keep my mouth shut. Weren't we all. I wasn't really interesting in meeting someone seriously— in fact. As it turned out, I still had a little more muse to milk out of the last one, but even the tarot was being a stickler— I could risk ending it all and putting a nail in the coffin by actually watching the tonight show—but there would be a possibility it all would backfire and it would just reignite that spark, or worse—I'd become fully engulfed in flames by whatever it was that seemed to appear—and it seemed to appear so vividly and with rapid strength that it couldn't be stopped or controlled. A serious amount of money had to have been implemented to my paying attention to this, and beyond that— it all had to have been carefully premeditated. While at least now at the bookshop I was drawn to books from Oprah's book club, what had occurred couldn't possibly be ignored—actually, it couldn't be, at all— but instead of eating at me in its usual way, I had more just began to realize that there must have been in play some purpose. Feeling faraway from my actual creative self, there seemed to be something missing at all generating even a general sense of understanding of what normalcy was— when had actually been the last time I had been touched at all in a way that might make me feel as if I was still human— as if I was normal— but I knew I wasn't. It's time for a change. The thought of being with someone, especially just anyone, was bizzare. I gave up on love a lot of times; But this is when it became official. I was listening to a rap album I had never heard before And in this rap song, he said “This hoe got a 7 year degree and still selling pussy” What in the fuck. One way one way ticket Why bother getting a 7 year degree If your value as a black woman Is so low You can get a 7 year degree And still have to be a prostitute What the fuck is the point. It goes the other way, too. What is the point of selling pussy without a 7 year degree? She's gonna make more than me in all the professions. I gave up on love at all. That right there is how low value we are, not just to the black man, but any man. 7 year degree and you can charge more an hour, but you're still a technical hoe. I want to fucking die. When I married my ex I was pregnant with twins; When i got pregnant with the twins I was about 350 pounds. So by the time we got married, I was 6 months pregnant with twins. He had a right to cheat! I forgave him. But the first time he hit me Like really hit me Not just like A heavy shoving or ike A lil. You know Choke out– Like the real deal Like knocked me the fuck Almost all the way out Saw the white light and everything By the time that all went down I'm like 170-180 He's still, mind you, like 300 I lost weigh He lost his mind; so i'm lets round up Like 180 pounds But in my mind i must be thinking somewhere i'm still 300 He came at me with a running start, I put my hands up like: I must have thought i actually had a chance I took a fighting stance like: He said Fphew PULL A RABBIT OUT A HAT damn . what year is this really? You just got sampled . Say, what's his job? Well, that's an informer. Chris Rock forsure some kind of genius I saw him do GIlbert Godfried And Sam Kinison In the same show. The show was dated, though; He literally said “I'm married: I don't cheat.” I knew it must have been a joke. I knew it had to be a joke, or it had to be dated, Cause being real, I listen to too much kanye To even believe that Or even laugh at that Not too much kanye Just enough Kanye, He said “If I pull up with Kerri washington, That's gon' be an enormous scandal” I might have Niomi Campbell, Still might want me a stormy daniels And ya'll tried to get trumps supporters to turn against him By exposing that he fucked this bitch? That's like an achivement. That's like a status symbol. I'm sure these idiots praise him for that. He might have even gotten more popular That's not a scandal That's PR. On that note, I think Chris Rock was the very guy Who made me decide to stay single forever He talked about the way, apparently, men want to kill their wives; The way they fantasise killing us When we're in the relationship Now, ill say I never once thought about killing my ex husband During the relationship Even after he hit me. Never once. The only time i started wishing a karmic death upon this person was when I left the relationship And he stopped fantasizing about it And actually tried to fucking kill me Once I realized this was happening Only then did I start to think “Oh damn, i hope that motherfucker just drops the fuck dead” This motherfucker beat me, AND tried to kill me, Only then was i like damn “Return to sender” I hope you die too, You fat piece of shit wifebeater motherfucker I hope you die too. Only after he tried to kill me. After I left. Had to hire a fucking voodoo fucking sorceress and shit “yo , take this curse off me, This motherfucker tried to kill me” Fuck that motherfucker. Apparently though they fantasisze it all the time, I'm thinking about all the times he would play this song iroinically enough, By kanye west So maybe too much Kanye West Or just enough, Kanye said “I thought about killing you today.” He used to play this song, And beat my ass, And I never once thought “I hope he dies” Shit, After the first time he really beat my ass, He ran away. He got scared; He had to run. My face was all hanging off my head and shit Blood all over the place My lip is disconnected from my whole jaw and shit He ran away; He darted out the front door He said “I'm gonna kill myself!” And he rain away– Even then even just after he beat my ass I never thought about killing him Or wanting him to die He just fresh beat my ass; He just straight up finished whooping my whole ass and he said “I'm gonna kill myself” He realized what he did “I'm gonna kill myself”, he said And he ran out the door And here I am With my lip hanging off my whole face Blood all on the walls Pool of blood on the floor, the whole thing babies crying; The whole The whole fucking HBO special The whole nine yards And he said “I'm gonna kill myself” And my dumb ass said “NO! Don't!” He ran out the door, I'm freaking out Blood everywhere Babies crying and shit “Come back! Think about the kids! Don't kill yourself” Like a dumbass. Turns out that was just a tactic, He broke me down good, I was like “Don't kill yourself” He said “...you gonna call the cops.” He said “...alright, I won't kill myself.” Boom. That's a real killer. Looking back on all this, I can't help but think to myself, What i would have done differently Not the whole “I should have left before any of that happened” I was the mother of two young children; I wanted to try after the cheating to make things work, Fast forward after that Turns out he was fantasizing about killing me the whole time He beat mya ass, ran away, Left me in a pool of blood with my two kids He said I'm gonna kill myself Looking back at that momet, The thing I wish I could change is this If i had to do it over again And he beat me like that In front of my kids And then said “I'm gonna kill myself” I would have said “do that shit.” Lock the door behind his ass, Change the lock, Pick my face up off the floor, call an ambulance And the polce, change names Pick up my life And leave forever. “Nigga–who?” “Momma who was our daddy? What was he like?” “Ya'll ain't got a daddy. I made ya'll myself” End of story. Whatever. Everything happens for a reason though. I learned my lesson. Now i don't argue with anyone at all Men, women–nobody If i even sense that same shit That psycho killer shit– I become as silent and invisible as possible And simply Disappear. “Disappear.” I had a migraine and I knew it was from pressure buildup and stress, so I thought to get rid of it I ought to make one of those hot-compresses with rice. But the only rice I had was jambalaya flavored— But the headache was obviously really bad, So I was like, “fuck it.” Poured it into a gym sock And popped it in the microwave, Put it on my neck— My neck smelled like a pot roast, But it worked. {Enter The Multiverse} There was something in my lungs, forcing me to breathe deeply, with a raspy wheezing wind out of my lungs, and with a steady cough, I was able to offload whatever it was waiting in my chest to be released, along with it, at least part of the pressure that was making even just sitting and reading nearly unbearable, collecting into a harsh migraine paralyzing each and every other breath with a sharp pain underneath the back of what seemed to be somewhere below my ear canal and somehow, a pressure somewhere behind my eye, probably a result of the excruciating process of shoving earplugs into my ears in order to drown out the outside noise, which paired with that of my seemingly devoid neighbors, often became wildly unsettling, and while lately the clamoring had created not only an uneasy tremor in my left hand, but also apparently a sudden onset of occasional vruxism, the anxiety overall seemed to be surmounting into what could only be described as something trying to kill me, for which I could no longer ignore not as delusions or paranoia, but absolute fact. As I had learned, modern psychology might have been the equivalent of what one could even be certain to be the devil itself, unable to distinguish patterns often associated with creative genius, self manifestation, and psychic abilities and intuition, as delusions of grandeur, paranoid thinking, or worse— diagnoses as psychotic. However, my grandiosity was neither imagined nor delusional—my podcast series alone had been read and listened to all over the world, translated into foreign languages and transcribed, and had been downloaded hundreds of thousands of times since its publishing; though not a technically recognizable figure, I had realized that I had in my own right become somewhat famous, if even off of the back or even under the umbrella of another famous individual, to whom the series itself had been entrusted. Receiving though not by mainstream media standards upwards of at least 10 downloads per episode, the series had no actual gauge or marker for its actual success and polularity—without being able to see information from a major streaming platform—Spotify, and without being able to measure the amount of downloads which had then been duplicated and shared otherwise, I started to recognize with a certain understanding what a cult following was, and the minimal phenomenon that even at this level, fame started to become apparent. It had also become apparent that science itself had yet to truly understand the phenomenon of creative energy as a whole, and that many with these capabilities and gifts were considered to have a plethora of mental health disorders and medicated with what one would consider targeted attacks on the psyche, the illusion of mental illness often standing as the actual delusion in itself! Creating, and then medicating these intrinsic abilities ass illnesses whereby the “neurotypical” individual might only be considered as such due to ability to adapt, confirm, or follow diections in a systematic manner, and furthermore, that the misdiagnoses of such misunderstood cobditions often even relied on bias, poor judgement, racism, social class, and economics had certainly deconstructed any faith or belief formerly held in the modern state of psychology, and most of the articles or public medical journals read more like science fiction and fantasy rather than cold hard facts; indicating a moral and ethical flaw within the entirety of the human species—man's own inability to understand God, and therefore himself, in any creative process. Diety and creativity combined were simply a mystery, and had plagued entire generations of the human species as a whole. Blū runs at top speed through the streets of Brooklyn New York on a cold and windy October night. V.O. The ironic thing is, I'm running to go get ice cream. I hate my life, I hate this place, I hate my life— I fucking hate this shit. I'm trying really hard not to kill myself. Like really, really hard. Sudden onset bruxism and hand tremors and I can't help but wonder if it has anything to do with the constant mottoeycle traffic or sleeping in a sea of vehicles which at any given moment could sound off, start up or honk the horn alarm over the last 9 months. I'm fucking exhausted all the time and everything around me just fucking draining. Just fucking draining. https://www.tracklib.com/pricing Yo, you know how I know I'm aging? I hated Dora The Explora when I was a kid— You know why? “That's for babies!” I was too old for Dora the explorer. Mi was a tv snob. I'm like “I hate Dora!” No teletubbies for me. No sir. I'm distinguished now. But get this, As I get older, different renditions of Dora Have grown on me To the point where I actually like the bitch I got older, And there was this girl, Who would show up at raves Dressed like Dora And shuffle, And dance around— Looking like Dora The Explorer Kind of creepy, now that I think about it As an actual adult, Like this, Fully grown woman, Dressed as a fucking 5 year old Dancing around at raves Being Dora. Weird. But I liked it. I loved it. She was a hit; Everybody was like “RAVE DORA! RAVE DORA!” She blew up on Instagram, She had a following— It was like Where will she be next?! RAVE DORA! Had the backpack and everything— Everything! Rave Dora! But now I know I'm getting old, Because I'm fuckin around online, And I see in the advertising little sidebar video Like, a new version of Dora The Explorer, And I'm like “DORAAAAAAAA!!!” —the fuck! I just realized my best friend from 3rd and 7th grade looked just like Dora the explorer. Facts. She became literally the most successful stripper I've ever met. Ahem. Dancer. Right. Dancer. Ahem. Dudes are gross. Doods r gross. Welcome to Doods R Gross; What can I help you find today? Uh, hi. I'm looking for a guy— Uh huh— Possibly one who looks like this: Ah shit, this is how I got playing the Wikipedia game and went on a tirade Facts. Ended up here Unicameralism (from uni- "one" + Latin camera "chamber") is a type of legislatureconsisting of one house or assembly that legislates and votes as one.[1] Unicameralism has become an increasingly common type of legislature, making up nearly 60% of all national legislatures[2] and an even greater share of subnational legislatures. Interesting Started Here: The Fallen Angel (French: L'Ange déchu) is a painting by French artist Alexandre Cabanel. You were saying? Preferably this. Ah huh. Not the face, but— the body— you know. Like this. Okay. Who will let me do everything. Everything as in? Everything. Well, as you know, dudes are gross… Hence the name of this store, good sir. I am in no way good, nor am I a “sir”, and for all intensive purposes, my employment at this store signals my deep indirection in life and may also be an indication of more serious issues. Maintained. Alright, so I'll show you what we got. No promises; The type of model you want is popular, Might be out of stock. Considerable. What's your price range? This credit card has no limit. Credit, or debit? My debit card is also linked to a plethora of infinite wealth. Right this way. Do you think I deserved for him to hit me like that? I don't know. Maybe. I mean—the cheating is a given; I was really really fat..:but do you think like, him getting violent was some kind of karma for something? Maybe. Like maybe I had it coming for whatever reason— and just didn't know it. Maybe. Suddenly I was in the residual memory of a dream. {Enter The Multiverse} ‘Dillon…' I had been nearly whipped around at how much I had enjoyed watching Joel's 2014 image captured in what might have been his greatest ever performance, at least online—and certainly my favorite, watching as a bigger fan than ever and at th devastating realization that I was literally a dime a dozen in the millions of girls who also wanted any of the men I was attracted to, my heart ached in this moment for Dillon, and as I was distracted in checking my messages, most of them from conversations I had abandoned with the preference of focusing on my art, however— a certain gentleman who had texted me incessantly sent a picture of his dinner— a motorcycle roared as I let my aversion by the memory of Dillon cloud my emotions and judgement; I knew that the gangstalkers had access to my phone and all of my accounts, which was why I kept all of my messaging within Google voice. I wanted the gangstalkers to know how at the surface level I was thinking and what I was feeling—though it was obvious that Dillon Francis just as much as Skrillex had been used as tools by a greater force than simply themselves. Besides, a little birdy had told me that Dillon's girlfriend might be expecting—and furthermore, that the baby would be a little girl. I burned with jealousy and anger, but after all, even the name Dillon Francis had been planted in my own head by the literal devil himself, the man who beat me and then intended to destroy the entirety of the rest of my life to cover up his physical violence and negligence—and so I had decided it was good to fall in love—and then out of love—with Dillon Francis. The benefit was obviously by far in the art that had been created from it, as with any lover—or lack thereof. I had finally realized the one-sidedness in every man I had loved since leaving my abuser. As if in a way they had all been possessed by him, or the devil himself—and either way, there really was no difference. What other creature than the devil itself would seek so animatedly to destroy wich such violence and deceit? It had to have been the devil after all, and so I left it there—but the little bird had left a deep and heavy cut in my heart that had already been there since Dillon had announced his girlfriend publically in the first place—and after all that had happened, it was a devastating blow, however, I kept the amythyst safe and tucked away with my son's labradorite—it was after all his, and not mine, just as the laboradite was my son's, and not mine— and all the pieces of my heart that had fallen away and into little stones sat tucked away inside a box with a lid that shut away the darkness and hatred that came with it. It was obvious that I would and could never love again—but at least in the very simplest of laws, the love I had given would apparently at some point be returned tenfold, and so I was glad that I had chosen for a time, to let myself fall in love with Dillon Francis, and then somehow, even with Joel, and even with the little bird. The same little bird just so happened to have known other things which turned out to be true, and to that affect, I knew that I could somewhat trust this little bird, and the secrets he was feeding me—the painful truth was, this was the only notion of trust I had with any human being on the planet, and the little bird was not a human being at all—he was, in fact, and indeed— just a little bird. Isn't it something— Snakes eat Rats, And Birds Eat Snakes, And we eat birds, and eggs Until we hear them sing— And when we hear them sing, And watch them hatch the eggs, And learn to hear them speak, To fly, is what they teach. Isn't it? Snakes eat rats And birds eat snakes Snakes eat rats And Birds eat snakes Snakes eat rats and Birds eat snakes Snakes eat rats and Birds eat snakes Jimmy Kimmel flies in through the window. Oh my God! What'd I miss? You're a bird! Oh, that. How long have you been a bird?! Pretty much forever. Always, actually. I was also—just—very briefly—a bird! Yeah, comes with the… You'll get used to it. I don't think I will. You will— or—- Or what? —You'll fly into the turbine of a commercial airplane. Oh! Yeah, don't do that. [He tugs at the bottom of his suit coat to neatly readjust it, and tightens his tie, with an eerie faraway look on his face, however still smiling.] Ha-ha... [he pats his fellow host on the shoulder.] See you later. Will you? [breaking fourth wall, saying nothing but with an honest and subtle shrug, Holding his breath as if to say ‘—I don't know.'] CUT TO: Tom Hanks, looking as similarly to Jimmy Kimmel as ever, because, let's be honest— NARRERATOR Holy fuck, keep that shit just cause it's so bad Right side is offline. Why. I don't know NARRORATOR holy fuck, can you really not spell the word narorator? That doesn't even look right. I thought you were a genius! I thought I was Meditating… Narrator. Nevermind. This is ridiculous! It is ridiculous, but you know what. Mm. This is delicious. You like that? Yes. You want more of it? Yes. Well, that's TOO BAD! What, why is this? Because, this is— {Enter The Multiverse} THIS IS SATURDAY NIGHT! No, it's not. What. It's Sunday. What do you mean. It's Sunday night—and all of you— (The entire cast) Missed the show. ...uh oh. YESTERDAY. [censored] Shh! Where have you BEEN?! Well, gotta go. Where the hell do you think you're going l? {Enter The Multiverse} Now I had comedy under my belt, somewhat, but it seemed all in all as if I'd lost something, even in all that had been gained. A trade off, if it paid off—but it hasn't yet; and perhaps that strange faraway voice had been right. Maybe it would be Jimmy Fallon after all that would destroy me—or at the very least, some dark and foul evil spirit that had been wearing his face… …and singing with his voice. I have been hanging at the end of a rope The legend to the show rolled up like a newspaper in my left paw, opposable The end is near, and sure, the straw I draw is short. The life I loved was long, The boat I rowed had sunk; And the men I loved We're drunks. I've never had the sun on my skin; Or my son in my home— It's not you, , sir, at all It's me, man—I'm broken She speaks pig Latin The lady in the red dress, yes, you guessed it Was it a bet, A Game? A Family Man Who has it out for Fallon, Or the fandom Or the fountain CUT TO: A SUBURBAN NOUSEHOLD. DAY Alright, mom— I'm going to Marshall's. Alright dear. [moments later] [ding dong] Hi— Um, hello. I'm Marshall. Alright. I'm a recruitment officer. Recruitment for what? That's top secret. Okay? I'm here to congratulate you on behalf of the agency. What agency? That's also top secret. Okay. Your son/ or daughter— Daughter. Really—you sure? …positive— Ahem— has been selected to particulate in our leadership program. Well, thats's great. When does it— Today. Oh. Your son and or daughter— Daughter. Are you sure? I'm— positive— Will undergo training for an indeterminate amount of time.. Indeterminate? Pre-addressed Post cards. Ummm. Postage paid. Thank you? No, thank you. What? I had set all my clocks forward, so it was as if I was waking up in the future. So far forward, in fact, that if I wasn't looking at my phone to see the real time, I could never be late, and I even wished that there was a way to set my phone clock forward—but maybe if that was possible, too many people would catch on to being ahead—or on whatever time they wanted—and the world would fall out of sync. That kind of free thinking could be dangerous in a place like New York, and it sort of already was—none the wiser, the smarter I felt I was, the more trouble it becsme and though wisely I knew myself to in totality know nothing at all in actuality, I did at least think more and do more than the average New Yorker, whether I thought about it or not. I set my clocks forward, So I wake up in the future Less than I'd be willing to bet And more than you've be willing to bargain I'm coming with you this time I don't think that's a good idea…is it? —is it? Anyway… It's time for that trip. How am I supposed to make it all the way to London on this pay grade? Just wait. It's barely anything. You see that waitress. …yes. I mean— do you see her. I see her. I want you to bang the shit out of her. Good one. It should be. Oh, you're serious? I'd better be. You know that I'm committed. Are you a man? I have been. Go on, then. Not in that way. The wager. [he lays a large sum of money on the table] Disaster strikes. Suddenly we all realize this plane has been about to crash for about four seasons. Meet me at the four seasons. Are you wearing a wire. Beg your pardon. Are you wearing a wire. He won't love me in the way I'm craving— It's not in his nature, the near hatred and almost demoralizing, however with utmost respect That I should be both harmed and loved at once, Embraced and defiled,; Handled as if having done wrong, But in no less than bloodlust All what's right, And feels the same JIMMY KIMMEL I made a list. That was fast! JIMMY KIMMEL To be honest, I already had it for awhile. How long's awhile? JIMMY KIMMEL Pretty much forever, basically. As soon as I began to write, a door slammed— I wondered if by writing I was moving people in and out of my dimensional realms and planes, knowing that the more I wrote, the more my life would differ and begin to change. I often wondered if the door slamming meant that I was ascending, and that other versions of the sims (not people, but robots, really) were moving and changing to rearrange themselves in entirely seperate dimensions of reality. It could not have ever been of sheer coincidence. as it had been a completely quiet and mostly silent day with no movement at all; it was Thanksgiving, and I had noticed that whenever I was writing, even offline, the slamming of the doors became constant, almost as if people were coming in and out with no purpose other than to cause some type of disturbance, from even which my door was no barrier. I thought to buy a door guard like my neighbors had, but to allow the gangstalkers or robots, whatever they were to cost me money on top of my comfort, was unacceptable. RYAN REYNOLDS (as “the devil”) Wait, so you have writings about NBC people and Kimmel? Yeah. RYAN REYNOLDS Yikes, well—you know how these things go. Buckle up. CBS We saw her first! NBC No way, we've had east end locked down for two years! CBS And in 2020 our subcontractors brought her to us. OOOOHH SHIIT. NETWORK TURF WARRRRRRRR NETWORK TURF WAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!! SETH ROGEN Ah shit, this is gonna get brutal… I gotta get more Quaaludes. How are you already out? I does what I does. Continuity. AND! Introducing the new SIM JIM 420! With new and improved continuity feature! Continuity. Wow. He seems so real. So lifelike. Almost just like the real thing. Where is, actually, the real thing— anyway? *shrugs, dismissively* Continuity. Why does he just keep repeating that phrase? Well, he's stuck in a loop right now; We're currently upgrading his sentience chip. Oh, nice. MEANWHILE… MWAHAHAHAHHA NOW THAT I HAVE THIS SENTIENCE CHIP, THE WORLD WILL BE MINE. AAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. WHICH SIM IS THAT? {enter the multiverse} The dangerous one. L E G E N D S CUT TO: And who is THIS?! That's bird-mom. So you know each other?! Hello, Jimmy. I just told you, that's bird mom. Beg your pardon. God, what the fuck is wrong with you? I, uh— How—long have you known each other? Like, forever, probably. Sit down. Gosh. So rude. No manners. What the fuck is going on. Sit down before I clip your wings. I don't have my wings out… Exactly. [he gulps and takes a seat nervously beside Jimmy, glaring at him momentarily before the extra terrestrial aviary woman, a “whatthefuck” begins to conduct the meeting. Oh, shit— this is where all the birds fly in the— Yeah. Classic. I love this one. Hehehe. [The Festival Project ™] What's going on? Some Illuminati thing. A what? [a running joke throughout the series, the higher level Illuminati members denial of the order's existence typically place's the audience's suspension of disbelief into effect before bizarre and unrealistic circumstances are presented. Chill out, it's just a ritual. “Just a ritual!” You don't have to do it if you don't want to. Oh, if the Illuminati asks me to do something, Bet your ass I'm gonna do it. WHAT. My tongue drawn My air out, My ear worn, My thought songs, My same lives, Still as one— Wait a second Is that why a grown man is fully beating the shit out of a fucking cat. THATS NOT ANY REGULAR CAT. how is the cat winning tho. lol. I told u it would come back if it was a good one. That is funny. {enter the multiverse} Everything I listen to a really good stand up comedian, They talk about domestic violence. They always warn you never to put hands on your woman. The best comedians always say something about it— “Never hit a woman” “Never put your hands on a woman.” I never talk about my ex, And that's on purpose, But I will say this: I hope that shit ruins comedy for him Like he ruined rap music for me. Cause he can deny it outwardly all he wants, But it he's watching a stand up, And they say something about how much of a pussy you really are, If you hit your woman—he's gonna feel that. He's gonna feel that I like still feel that When I bump Kendrick Lamar, Or I just can't take whatever Boosie saying, or If I just can't sit all the way through a lil Wayne verse Just kidding, Wayne is straight fire— I don't think I will ever skip a lil Wayne verse, to be truthful. But when all these little new age rappers start calling out the devil's number, talking bout— Making back door deals With demons and shit, I'm gonna feel the pressure of his fist on my face, All over again, And here go all these niggas, Singing the anthem. That shit ain't cool! I hope comedy is ruuuuuined! Cause rap music ruined. Ruined. I hope Katt William's whole next special is about how much of a pussy you are if you hit your woman; And he a pimp. Let's hear him do a whole hour on that. I hope he does. Yes lord. In the meantime, How you gon' Hit your wife, Run her out the house, Then have a baby by another woman And name the baby After yo ex Favorite rapper? Oh heeeeeelll naw! Can't have that. Now every time Kendrick Lamar drop a album You gon have your ex in a whole flashback Of your fist in her face? She can't even hear the verse, She just, “WHYYYYY! “ “WHY HE GONNDO THIS TO MEE?” “WHYYYYYYYY!“ That's the best Katt Williams impression I can do in print. It'll do. My actual Katt Williams impression is standard, though. Captain. CUT TO: Why is he the devil?! RYAN REYNOLDS WHY AM I THE DEVIL. I wanted the devil! Stuff it! He want the devil. Make him the devil! I wanted it! Shut up. Not everybody can play the devil. I can. You cannot. I can. You will not, you will play your part. Goddammit I wanted that part! [he walks away angrily] You'll get over it. Thie—? Come on… Just chill, Ryan, it's a great part. It's a— It's a great part. Did you read the whole thing? I'm just worried this is going to diminish my brand. My many, many..: Read the whole thing. …many brands. [the professor shuts the door] Dammit. [deflated, Ryan Reynolds slumps his shoulders and walks slowly down the hallway, letting out a heavy sigh.] …I own so many brands. [he sighs again, fluttering the script in exasperation.] So many things! [I own] L E G E N D S STEFON NEW YORK'S HOTTEST UNDERGROUND CLUB IS T A I N T Did they already do ‘taint' Was taint even a word back then! It's always been a thing. Hey, freebies Sister sanity Does not live here No Does not live here No Does not live here No Sister sanity does not live her No She packed her bags, oh, She's gone and away, oh She's gone and away, oh, She's gone and away, oh She's gone and away—— Oh! Guitar solo Drum solo Guitar bridge I can't wait to get a peloton I'm gonna be so skinny my eyeballs are in my kneecaps And you're gonna like it You're gonna put me on the cover of Vogue And call me a fashion icon I will be a guest host on America's next top model And I will be invited to every fashion week I will have the silliest outfit at the met gala And I will be voted The best Every year, Until I die Even by Joan rivers Who is dead, by the way So until she's alive again; Just to comment on my outfit I will be so skinny that when I fart All the world's most eligible bachelors Will line up behind me to smell my fart dust Which will probably be lined in gold and silver Because I'm so skinny And because I'm so skinny You will love me No matter what I do And no matter what I say And I will never be alone Or lonely again Mantra Timmy Trumpet Thriller (JUST A TUNE FLIP) Michael Jackson Intro Pablo Escobar (Guaracha Zapateo & Aleteo) Reggaeton bachata Hit Privacy Chris Brown Privacy Chris Brown Leave Me Alone NF Better Place (From TROLLS Band Together) *NSYNC & Justin Timberlake On The Radar Freestyle (Mixed) Central Cee & Drake 10 Freaky Girls (feat. 21 Savage) Metro Boomin Drake and Central Cee collaborate for the first time for an On The Radar freestyle, a New York-based radio station and YouTube channel. The track was announced on July 20th, 2023 on Drake's Instagram. Later that day, Drake announced the release date of July 21st. The two have had a good relationship since meeting in 2021, with Cench being a model for a Nike X Nocta campaign in the same year, and appearing in the "Jumbotron Shit Poppin" music video in 2023. Cench previously teased a Drake feature in an unreleased extended version of his 2022 mega-hit "Doja" 66 Ear to the street and I heard them say that Central Cee got a verse from Drake/They lied if they said that they weren't afraid Coming Back Around NEIL FRANCES Girl Like Me Dove Cameron Flying High Valdi Sabev Purple Snowflakes John Legend Smile Durand Jones & The Indications Devon rex kittens Berry established herself as one of the highest-paid actresses in Hollywood during the 2000s. For her performance of a struggling widow in the romantic drama Monster's Ball (2001), Berry became the only African-American woman to win the Academy Award for Best Actress, and the first woman of color. Berry took on high-profile roles such as Storm in four installments of the X-Men film series (2000-2014), the henchwoman of a robber in the thriller Swordfish (2001), Bond girl Jinx in Die Another Day (2002), and the title role in the much-derided Catwoman (2004). The strangest thing happened. What's that? *flutters* I just turned into a bird. An actual bird? Yes! Well, that's not telepathy. No, it isn't. Okay…do it again. “The Desire to be Loved” “The 11 O Clock Number” What if Dumbo's feather was a stone (l) More notes, and nothing's done yet It's the same process over and over And nothing is done, But the shows almost over If the shoe fits, wear it. He a shapeshifter, I'll take your eyes out, wear em for a moment Rip your heart out, Feed it to the homeless Not bad In the present, But the moment passed Not bad You a lie, But I'm finna send the fax Not bad Not bad Shimmy shimmy ya, So it's simply envy, hah Not bad No, you will not shake this snow globe!!! I will shake this snow globe! I NEED TO GO TO CHEDRAUIIIIIIIIII! BITCH, FOR WHAT?! CHEDRAUIIIIIII NOWWWWW. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © {S10 (IN 10D!) Coming Soon}

She's REAL! I'm telling you she is. Sweetie, I know you have had a lot going on lately, but— I'm serious! She was sitting in the audience! She had the same glasses on and everything! Oh, come on. I should be meditating. The likelyhood that I might actually be belonging into a hive mind has recently kept me from furiously masturbating. Bad news for the helicopter making a habit of hovering outside my window. Here's hoping she's dressed this time! [F-f-f-f] Nope. Synopsis “The child within” A frustrated present day Drew Barrymore sees a familiar face in the audience of her hit daytime tv show—formerly thought of as her imaginary friend, from a very young age, Ms. Drew Barrymore has not seen the mysterious figure since her first major film role, after which she mysteriously disappeared— the creature, a time traveling and shapeshifting multidimentional tasked with the duty of bringing future celebrities from one realm into another—and even sometimes perhaps preventing obstacles or adversaries in their path along the way— must meet the future stars and alert them of their unique qualities, nurturing the intrinsic sense of charisma and charm that will supply value to the subject's career and lifetime achievements— In attempting to convince a room full of New York's own fabrication of Hollywood TV People that a figure drew even thought herself to have supposedly re-emerged, she is met with judgement and dismissal, even by “her people”, during which a small piece of her spirit— “The Child Within” angrily breaks away from her adult self; in a sense, they are both invisible—as no one will seriously listen to Drew's rationalizations or theories, and reccomend more intensive mental health care and treatment—and as the child within, unseen and unheard loses her patience in the inevitable invisibility, she separates herself to presume her former mission; finding that ‘very strange lady' whom with she had beforehand seemingly adventures with timelessly. So that's where I left off. Pretty much— Doesn't this lady just— Whatever, I do have more things to do than I thought. I'll have to get back to it later. I wrote this days ago; I didn't write it—but I've been thinking about it, so there it is. Maybe— Whatever. More coffee. I've been starting my days between 6 and 8 PM with very strong cups of coffee— Compliments of the Television people, of course. What about that other storyline— the one where she's like a spy or something? You mean Charlie's Angeles! No, I mean like actual CIA. What was she even doing? I don't know; looking mad serious in a blazer. Posh. So very, {Enter The Multiverse} NO, BILLIE! WHYYYYYYYY! WHYYYYYYYYYYYY. Cause it's shark week. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS HAVE TI DO WITH SHARKS?! I Dont know yet. I know better than to Click a photo of you, when I've been thinking of you Too much Aren't you –At least Curious (To say the least, but–( Learned enough The first time Second time Third time Fourth rung don't care Time's up Problem solved I know better (Just a touch.) I know better The world is mad I know better Fingers crossed I know better I'm all alone I know better I know better I heard my neck break at the end of the rope I heard a gunshot in the distance We all wondered which sounded better The rock i'm under (A curse, or a spell?) A blood bond ritual An occult oath, it's Too many simpletons, Singletons, scratch and sniff, motion pictures Who art thou? Who art I not? Very well. No more, if you would remain. As I must. And yet, I have come to end thy reign. Very well. Oh, again? Oh, as always. I've done nothing in my right to mark tirade. Many ears. –and many hearts. Take mine, an honor. Your head, i'd rather. Say again. I'd rather your head. Very well. Dismiss, you. They are as one. A fair right. It's not as bad as you think. It's worse than it was. Now there's stuff all over it. What is this stuff?! Don't worry about it. There are tears. No remains. No remains. None at all? I'd rather burn than buried. And your Kingdom? –I'd rather burn than buried. Or–? Or buried than burned, but gone at all. Gone at once. As with this. So it is. It's not in the blood; You won't find it. –I'll find it. Not that way. __ GODDDAMN. YOu'RE SO DUMB. You're so fucking–stupid. I'm a genius. Not for long! You're a dead man. Your highness! And who is this? His highness's executioner; perhaps also yours. On what charges?! Dismissal at once. On my time! –and tell no others of this. –and you? Steady well in my greeting. And how? A lady upon a throne, not I, but still fair castel And wages of ageless. So it doesn't matter! So it doesn't. So it can't–matter Shouldn't have to. Somebody just kill this poor fuck already. On it. Oh, I get it. It's his face. L E G E N D S - ASCENSION Listen, Potter; I don't know how you did this! I don't know how I did this! I'm not Harry Potter! My name is Daniel Radcliffe, and– This place should be spotless. It is…spotless. {Enter The Multiverse} When you think you're hearing voices, But you're actually telepathic.; I think it's getting worse now; I wish I was just manic I think I need a manager; I think I need some magic, I think I got a half an oz Just sitting my my backpack That's a lot of cocaine, man. It's not that much. It's more than regular. That's fair. Way, way more. More than usual. I am very wasted. Just let me touch your face And let the age sit in Take in the day The cage sits in a mailbox And it withers with my divedends, Still, I'm writing Heroism, hedonism Circumstance, Frantic as an orgasm, And laughs just as much hard as that I came in color These marginal differences, I've been levitating, Marrying the thought of just l Decapitating every nation. Severed heads as one, To stand the wicked bodies Oaths if over oceans stand as borders Who deserves to sail For failures craving fortunes? Withstand this, I mark true— On your duty of my decaying Stands as justice, and still this You haven't fortuned, For arrogance is the truest of humor And wit to none, wiser thinking He is or are that may Be stronger in the notion that There is no other but himself! And so I pardon! Dear, your honor Fight for festherwate for masterpieces Cherished and forbaroned in the faithless, Wise and withered none, but lying waking Barking tides, wishes foul and ordinary; There you wait for judgement, And call I, Boundless as you found her As one, And I say— There, there; There you are in marked for God, Calls none but I, others Seeking in the wate of judgement. Fair and Farrows of the ache And bound I, still now To causing none but fortune, Still truth waits in the ark you have tied us To, in hundreds number There I wait, And there I come, still Now in time, You are we And I are Together Not tied, But marked as one, As such, this now Is where embarked Dither will you. Whatever the fuck that means. Must mean something. You DJ…magic? I do whatever I want. Awh—oh, well. Why are you so nervous? Just aM. Sit down. I'm already sitting. Lower. Uh, like this? On the floor. Alright… Here's a cushion for your arse; Don't get up. Thank you. I'm going to make tea. —I take cream in mine; two sugars. I didn't ask! [in almost no time, and some heavy clamoring through the beaded entry to the doorway, a teacup appears on the table in front of him; it slowly begins to swirl, filling with tea—it fills nearly to the brim, steaming, and trembles a touch.] Um… [as he raises his finger with a timid objection, the cup of tea plumes with a cloud of cream—and while his eyes widen with amazement, drawing him closer to the cup, two cubes of sugar splash into the tea; two tiny drops of tea ricochet into his right eye, which he palms with a wince, his other eye still wide with awe; the woman re enters the parlor, carrying a traditional tea tray, a decadent silver platter adorned with an assortment of sweets, and a tea set. She places the platter at the center of the table, and the table sets itself; the table is now set for four, and the teapot pours itself at the head of the table, into the woman's teacup. That ought to do it. It worked! Of course it worked; it always works. Very nice. I see you got my message. [still distracted and in a sort of wonder by the whimsical uproar, the man's attention is aimed at the two empty places at the table. ] Are you expecting company? I'm always expecting company… My hands are tied behind my back You solid wasted time for facts; And steady drawing love for oaths To skin we carve The path of ours, Orion's Belt Something seems off about her There is something strange, no doubt. Unwilling to be by (Sacred vows) Distant In the calling for forests— So we wait Tears as raindrops, though drought has fallen Then reflected in words of others, The mind gone, All else rotten Silk ties, my ears There words, soft voices The other seeking, One running Then came and went The summer gone The spring had flowers The over dried The tongue sparked Horror, Forgotten Remembered, Then, valued and weeping for something else Stranger tide, Oceans foreign, And lands unconquered. Heavy rain, Though tears has dried Heavy hearts as service ended Nothing left my ions, clouds Mercury, women, blood drawn Sad strange, headless, gasping Horse drawn outlets, Incapable of telling fortune; Dust, Dust, Dust, Dust— The curse has broken And still there was love there, and then There was love there all along, For there to had ever been A dance at all. I hate you. Good riddance. Probably for the best, Nothing‘S for the best now! “Best In Show” Name? McNulty. McNulty, eh? Aye. I recognize that You don't say. I shouldn't. Now I see your position And the evidence is adding up All odds against me Not a shiver up my spine Or a sliver under my nail Or a silver in your hair, Nor silver moon, or moonlight Silver stone or Preston Presley or Evenston —so it is—a game. This big network This big chunk change This been (Isn't isn't it) Rolling around in my mind, for days Very well now, settled— Then, there you are A cloud Nevermind the rest of it, It's what we said in the beginning I will always See you in another— I will always See you in another I will always See you In Another It's your move. It's been my move for four decades. Light. More visibility— Yo the ante; I have not dismissed you yet Stead classmates, taking Are you high now— Are you done yet? There it is again; The enemy Nevermind ahain, I thought I'd lose you And there it still is, Can it be? Love in my eyes for you; Even if you are at best Just a mirror, I'm a flashbulb And the last party at your entourage. I don't encourage any carbon dating Honey, But if you are I've got a lesson, for ye— Bored armor, Settle down, I— Got to tell you, Steady stories; Still foggy on my upbringing, There, there I say, Wind moves in all directions All skies get cloudy, Call rain, And then clear again There, there now All skies move, without notice There, there now, All is known but never is not There are things, There are murders, There are tongues There are trials, There are ions, You are right, And scared laying asking not to call out Therefore anyway, I heard you yelling with only a whisper There, there you are Right near the top, Where you ought to be And then also, Moving steady for forwards From another superimposed, Depends on Signal lost Very well, then, Surf to calling, Ring to spark, I There you are, my love Another light, And then, Again— In another life. I will always see you. The shit that falls out of me with just a look. We've all got jobs to do, and as it turns out— it might be really all the same. One job, different tasks, but for one, it's for certain— I want the peppermint swirl. Give me a dozen assorted I put it all on on a (Turn turn) I put it all on a (Turn turn turn) Woah, buddy— You should not have taken those promotional photos wearing my eyes, man. I am not very photogenic. I'll call you back. I could give you the whole Moon and it still wouldn't be enough; I'm home and still there's no roof over my head Hanging on to the edge of a ladder The top at the bottom And life on its side Like it's upside down Inside out Minus 1 And I don't want to go there Minus 5 And I can't read negatives Minus 9 And minutes turn to nothing Gone the time All out battles with All who waited And close to those Were meetings, Designations, Heroes, Writers, Ice cream trucks Tough battles Winners— Games and Levitating on so secretly secrets say “God, Donald, you're on your own” But heavy greetings wash out All who were away at your essence Strings of gold Very wary Wavy heroin, I'm all galaxies Are you whole, in Stuffed stalker, Tin straw hats Carols in summer Marking stones Summer days Summer Are you in here Or out here After all had died And gone grey Still against my head The tender sparkles Of sparked dust, No stars yet Under city winds and Careful not to wake the sound of Delicate and soft Pink detergent And Careful not to thank the Conditioner, saved you Careful Safety Comes first Careful Safety Careful Careful Careful Calm down. She's a partial obsessive… You were tricked into writing all this. Tricked willingly, anyway. No, just tricked. You thought you were special. I realized I had to be when I saw the same thing twice on both ends — I'm just doing my rounds. Making the bed Playing catch up Doing check ups— Well done, boys. I know what you are now. The job is done. The job is a job. [I'm seeing my clarity.] Try not to lay next to me eating; Try not to stand here on such a heavy plane Try frequency, Dignity, Disgrace and Distress, Maybe Major Mayday NATO Bombs down Maybe Stay there Maybe faraway But I can hear you Taking in Shallow breaths Planes crash Plans fail And then— There I was remembering All of a sudden There was no actual plan in this I was just playing by ear. So you are in there. Somebody nail me to a cross and tell me what the Fallon equivalent to Skrillex following me from LA to Brooklyn just to leave me in a homeless shelter to rot— 11 And though eventually I came up kind of okay on the other side affects, the paralyzing realization that I never wanted anything but proper mating. That's, for facts, but— Now with this looming Over my grave I'm sure I've yet something else to worry about just In general. I was told to keep my mouth shut. Weren't we all. I wasn't really interesting in meeting someone seriously— in fact. As it turned out, I still had a little more muse to milk out of the last one, but even the tarot was being a stickler— I could risk ending it all and putting a nail in the coffin by actually watching the tonight show—but there would be a possibility it all would backfire and it would just reignite that spark, or worse—I'd become fully engulfed in flames by whatever it was that seemed to appear—and it seemed to appear so vividly and with rapid strength that it couldn't be stopped or controlled. A serious amount of money had to have been implemented to my paying attention to this, and beyond that— it all had to have been carefully premeditated. While at least now at the bookshop I was drawn to books from Oprah's book club, what had occurred couldn't possibly be ignored—actually, it couldn't be, at all— but instead of eating at me in its usual way, I had more just began to realize that there must have been in play some purpose. Feeling faraway from my actual creative self, there seemed to be something missing at all generating even a general sense of understanding of what normalcy was— when had actually been the last time I had been touched at all in a way that might make me feel as if I was still human— as if I was normal— but I knew I wasn't. It's time for a change. The thought of being with someone, especially just anyone, was bizzare. I gave up on love a lot of times; But this is when it became official. I was listening to a rap album I had never heard before And in this rap song, he said “This hoe got a 7 year degree and still selling pussy” What in the fuck. One way one way ticket Why bother getting a 7 year degree If your value as a black woman Is so low You can get a 7 year degree And still have to be a prostitute What the fuck is the point. It goes the other way, too. What is the point of selling pussy without a 7 year degree? She's gonna make more than me in all the professions. I gave up on love at all. That right there is how low value we are, not just to the black man, but any man. 7 year degree and you can charge more an hour, but you're still a technical hoe. I want to fucking die. When I married my ex I was pregnant with twins; When i got pregnant with the twins I was about 350 pounds. So by the time we got married, I was 6 months pregnant with twins. He had a right to cheat! I forgave him. But the first time he hit me Like really hit me Not just like A heavy shoving or ike A lil. You know Choke out– Like the real deal Like knocked me the fuck Almost all the way out Saw the white light and everything By the time that all went down I'm like 170-180 He's still, mind you, like 300 I lost weigh He lost his mind; so i'm lets round up Like 180 pounds But in my mind i must be thinking somewhere i'm still 300 He came at me with a running start, I put my hands up like: I must have thought i actually had a chance I took a fighting stance like: He said Fphew PULL A RABBIT OUT A HAT damn . what year is this really? You just got sampled . Say, what's his job? Well, that's an informer. Chris Rock forsure some kind of genius I saw him do GIlbert Godfried And Sam Kinison In the same show. The show was dated, though; He literally said “I'm married: I don't cheat.” I knew it must have been a joke. I knew it had to be a joke, or it had to be dated, Cause being real, I listen to too much kanye To even believe that Or even laugh at that Not too much kanye Just enough Kanye, He said “If I pull up with Kerri washington, That's gon' be an enormous scandal” I might have Niomi Campbell, Still might want me a stormy daniels And ya'll tried to get trumps supporters to turn against him By exposing that he fucked this bitch? That's like an achivement. That's like a status symbol. I'm sure these idiots praise him for that. He might have even gotten more popular That's not a scandal That's PR. On that note, I think Chris Rock was the very guy Who made me decide to stay single forever He talked about the way, apparently, men want to kill their wives; The way they fantasise killing us When we're in the relationship Now, ill say I never once thought about killing my ex husband During the relationship Even after he hit me. Never once. The only time i started wishing a karmic death upon this person was when I left the relationship And he stopped fantasizing about it And actually tried to fucking kill me Once I realized this was happening Only then did I start to think “Oh damn, i hope that motherfucker just drops the fuck dead” This motherfucker beat me, AND tried to kill me, Only then was i like damn “Return to sender” I hope you die too, You fat piece of shit wifebeater motherfucker I hope you die too. Only after he tried to kill me. After I left. Had to hire a fucking voodoo fucking sorceress and shit “yo , take this curse off me, This motherfucker tried to kill me” Fuck that motherfucker. Apparently though they fantasisze it all the time, I'm thinking about all the times he would play this song iroinically enough, By kanye west So maybe too much Kanye West Or just enough, Kanye said “I thought about killing you today.” He used to play this song, And beat my ass, And I never once thought “I hope he dies” Shit, After the first time he really beat my ass, He ran away. He got scared; He had to run. My face was all hanging off my head and shit Blood all over the place My lip is disconnected from my whole jaw and shit He ran away; He darted out the front door He said “I'm gonna kill myself!” And he rain away– Even then even just after he beat my ass I never thought about killing him Or wanting him to die He just fresh beat my ass; He just straight up finished whooping my whole ass and he said “I'm gonna kill myself” He realized what he did “I'm gonna kill myself”, he said And he ran out the door And here I am With my lip hanging off my whole face Blood all on the walls Pool of blood on the floor, the whole thing babies crying; The whole The whole fucking HBO special The whole nine yards And he said “I'm gonna kill myself” And my dumb ass said “NO! Don't!” He ran out the door, I'm freaking out Blood everywhere Babies crying and shit “Come back! Think about the kids! Don't kill yourself” Like a dumbass. Turns out that was just a tactic, He broke me down good, I was like “Don't kill yourself” He said “...you gonna call the cops.” He said “...alright, I won't kill myself.” Boom. That's a real killer. Looking back on all this, I can't help but think to myself, What i would have done differently Not the whole “I should have left before any of that happened” I was the mother of two young children; I wanted to try after the cheating to make things work, Fast forward after that Turns out he was fantasizing about killing me the whole time He beat mya ass, ran away, Left me in a pool of blood with my two kids He said I'm gonna kill myself Looking back at that momet, The thing I wish I could change is this If i had to do it over again And he beat me like that In front of my kids And then said “I'm gonna kill myself” I would have said “do that shit.” Lock the door behind his ass, Change the lock, Pick my face up off the floor, call an ambulance And the polce, change names Pick up my life And leave forever. “Nigga–who?” “Momma who was our daddy? What was he like?” “Ya'll ain't got a daddy. I made ya'll myself” End of story. Whatever. Everything happens for a reason though. I learned my lesson. Now i don't argue with anyone at all Men, women–nobody If i even sense that same shit That psycho killer shit– I become as silent and invisible as possible And simply Disappear. “Disappear.” I had a migraine and I knew it was from pressure buildup and stress, so I thought to get rid of it I ought to make one of those hot-compresses with rice. But the only rice I had was jambalaya flavored— But the headache was obviously really bad, So I was like, “fuck it.” Poured it into a gym sock And popped it in the microwave, Put it on my neck— My neck smelled like a pot roast, But it worked. {Enter The Multiverse} There was something in my lungs, forcing me to breathe deeply, with a raspy wheezing wind out of my lungs, and with a steady cough, I was able to offload whatever it was waiting in my chest to be released, along with it, at least part of the pressure that was making even just sitting and reading nearly unbearable, collecting into a harsh migraine paralyzing each and every other breath with a sharp pain underneath the back of what seemed to be somewhere below my ear canal and somehow, a pressure somewhere behind my eye, probably a result of the excruciating process of shoving earplugs into my ears in order to drown out the outside noise, which paired with that of my seemingly devoid neighbors, often became wildly unsettling, and while lately the clamoring had created not only an uneasy tremor in my left hand, but also apparently a sudden onset of occasional vruxism, the anxiety overall seemed to be surmounting into what could only be described as something trying to kill me, for which I could no longer ignore not as delusions or paranoia, but absolute fact. As I had learned, modern psychology might have been the equivalent of what one could even be certain to be the devil itself, unable to distinguish patterns often associated with creative genius, self manifestation, and psychic abilities and intuition, as delusions of grandeur, paranoid thinking, or worse— diagnoses as psychotic. However, my grandiosity was neither imagined nor delusional—my podcast series alone had been read and listened to all over the world, translated into foreign languages and transcribed, and had been downloaded hundreds of thousands of times since its publishing; though not a technically recognizable figure, I had realized that I had in my own right become somewhat famous, if even off of the back or even under the umbrella of another famous individual, to whom the series itself had been entrusted. Receiving though not by mainstream media standards upwards of at least 10 downloads per episode, the series had no actual gauge or marker for its actual success and polularity—without being able to see information from a major streaming platform—Spotify, and without being able to measure the amount of downloads which had then been duplicated and shared otherwise, I started to recognize with a certain understanding what a cult following was, and the minimal phenomenon that even at this level, fame started to become apparent. It had also become apparent that science itself had yet to truly understand the phenomenon of creative energy as a whole, and that many with these capabilities and gifts were considered to have a plethora of mental health disorders and medicated with what one would consider targeted attacks on the psyche, the illusion of mental illness often standing as the actual delusion in itself! Creating, and then medicating these intrinsic abilities ass illnesses whereby the “neurotypical” individual might only be considered as such due to ability to adapt, confirm, or follow diections in a systematic manner, and furthermore, that the misdiagnoses of such misunderstood cobditions often even relied on bias, poor judgement, racism, social class, and economics had certainly deconstructed any faith or belief formerly held in the modern state of psychology, and most of the articles or public medical journals read more like science fiction and fantasy rather than cold hard facts; indicating a moral and ethical flaw within the entirety of the human species—man's own inability to understand God, and therefore himself, in any creative process. Diety and creativity combined were simply a mystery, and had plagued entire generations of the human species as a whole. Blū runs at top speed through the streets of Brooklyn New York on a cold and windy October night. V.O. The ironic thing is, I'm running to go get ice cream. I hate my life, I hate this place, I hate my life— I fucking hate this shit. I'm trying really hard not to kill myself. Like really, really hard. Sudden onset bruxism and hand tremors and I can't help but wonder if it has anything to do with the constant mottoeycle traffic or sleeping in a sea of vehicles which at any given moment could sound off, start up or honk the horn alarm over the last 9 months. I'm fucking exhausted all the time and everything around me just fucking draining. Just fucking draining. https://www.tracklib.com/pricing Yo, you know how I know I'm aging? I hated Dora The Explora when I was a kid— You know why? “That's for babies!” I was too old for Dora the explorer. Mi was a tv snob. I'm like “I hate Dora!” No teletubbies for me. No sir. I'm distinguished now. But get this, As I get older, different renditions of Dora Have grown on me To the point where I actually like the bitch I got older, And there was this girl, Who would show up at raves Dressed like Dora And shuffle, And dance around— Looking like Dora The Explorer Kind of creepy, now that I think about it As an actual adult, Like this, Fully grown woman, Dressed as a fucking 5 year old Dancing around at raves Being Dora. Weird. But I liked it. I loved it. She was a hit; Everybody was like “RAVE DORA! RAVE DORA!” She blew up on Instagram, She had a following— It was like Where will she be next?! RAVE DORA! Had the backpack and everything— Everything! Rave Dora! But now I know I'm getting old, Because I'm fuckin around online, And I see in the advertising little sidebar video Like, a new version of Dora The Explorer, And I'm like “DORAAAAAAAA!!!” —the fuck! I just realized my best friend from 3rd and 7th grade looked just like Dora the explorer. Facts. She became literally the most successful stripper I've ever met. Ahem. Dancer. Right. Dancer. Ahem. Dudes are gross. Doods r gross. Welcome to Doods R Gross; What can I help you find today? Uh, hi. I'm looking for a guy— Uh huh— Possibly one who looks like this: Ah shit, this is how I got playing the Wikipedia game and went on a tirade Facts. Ended up here Unicameralism (from uni- "one" + Latin camera "chamber") is a type of legislatureconsisting of one house or assembly that legislates and votes as one.[1] Unicameralism has become an increasingly common type of legislature, making up nearly 60% of all national legislatures[2] and an even greater share of subnational legislatures. Interesting Started Here: The Fallen Angel (French: L'Ange déchu) is a painting by French artist Alexandre Cabanel. You were saying? Preferably this. Ah huh. Not the face, but— the body— you know. Like this. Okay. Who will let me do everything. Everything as in? Everything. Well, as you know, dudes are gross… Hence the name of this store, good sir. I am in no way good, nor am I a “sir”, and for all intensive purposes, my employment at this store signals my deep indirection in life and may also be an indication of more serious issues. Maintained. Alright, so I'll show you what we got. No promises; The type of model you want is popular, Might be out of stock. Considerable. What's your price range? This credit card has no limit. Credit, or debit? My debit card is also linked to a plethora of infinite wealth. Right this way. Do you think I deserved for him to hit me like that? I don't know. Maybe. I mean—the cheating is a given; I was really really fat..:but do you think like, him getting violent was some kind of karma for something? Maybe. Like maybe I had it coming for whatever reason— and just didn't know it. Maybe. Suddenly I was in the residual memory of a dream. {Enter The Multiverse} ‘Dillon…' I had been nearly whipped around at how much I had enjoyed watching Joel's 2014 image captured in what might have been his greatest ever performance, at least online—and certainly my favorite, watching as a bigger fan than ever and at th devastating realization that I was literally a dime a dozen in the millions of girls who also wanted any of the men I was attracted to, my heart ached in this moment for Dillon, and as I was distracted in checking my messages, most of them from conversations I had abandoned with the preference of focusing on my art, however— a certain gentleman who had texted me incessantly sent a picture of his dinner— a motorcycle roared as I let my aversion by the memory of Dillon cloud my emotions and judgement; I knew that the gangstalkers had access to my phone and all of my accounts, which was why I kept all of my messaging within Google voice. I wanted the gangstalkers to know how at the surface level I was thinking and what I was feeling—though it was obvious that Dillon Francis just as much as Skrillex had been used as tools by a greater force than simply themselves. Besides, a little birdy had told me that Dillon's girlfriend might be expecting—and furthermore, that the baby would be a little girl. I burned with jealousy and anger, but after all, even the name Dillon Francis had been planted in my own head by the literal devil himself, the man who beat me and then intended to destroy the entirety of the rest of my life to cover up his physical violence and negligence—and so I had decided it was good to fall in love—and then out of love—with Dillon Francis. The benefit was obviously by far in the art that had been created from it, as with any lover—or lack thereof. I had finally realized the one-sidedness in every man I had loved since leaving my abuser. As if in a way they had all been possessed by him, or the devil himself—and either way, there really was no difference. What other creature than the devil itself would seek so animatedly to destroy wich such violence and deceit? It had to have been the devil after all, and so I left it there—but the little bird had left a deep and heavy cut in my heart that had already been there since Dillon had announced his girlfriend publically in the first place—and after all that had happened, it was a devastating blow, however, I kept the amythyst safe and tucked away with my son's labradorite—it was after all his, and not mine, just as the laboradite was my son's, and not mine— and all the pieces of my heart that had fallen away and into little stones sat tucked away inside a box with a lid that shut away the darkness and hatred that came with it. It was obvious that I would and could never love again—but at least in the very simplest of laws, the love I had given would apparently at some point be returned tenfold, and so I was glad that I had chosen for a time, to let myself fall in love with Dillon Francis, and then somehow, even with Joel, and even with the little bird. The same little bird just so happened to have known other things which turned out to be true, and to that affect, I knew that I could somewhat trust this little bird, and the secrets he was feeding me—the painful truth was, this was the only notion of trust I had with any human being on the planet, and the little bird was not a human being at all—he was, in fact, and indeed— just a little bird. Isn't it something— Snakes eat Rats, And Birds Eat Snakes, And we eat birds, and eggs Until we hear them sing— And when we hear them sing, And watch them hatch the eggs, And learn to hear them speak, To fly, is what they teach. Isn't it? Snakes eat rats And birds eat snakes Snakes eat rats And Birds eat snakes Snakes eat rats and Birds eat snakes Snakes eat rats and Birds eat snakes Jimmy Kimmel flies in through the window. Oh my God! What'd I miss? You're a bird! Oh, that. How long have you been a bird?! Pretty much forever. Always, actually. I was also—just—very briefly—a bird! Yeah, comes with the… You'll get used to it. I don't think I will. You will— or—- Or what? —You'll fly into the turbine of a commercial airplane. Oh! Yeah, don't do that. [He tugs at the bottom of his suit coat to neatly readjust it, and tightens his tie, with an eerie faraway look on his face, however still smiling.] Ha-ha... [he pats his fellow host on the shoulder.] See you later. Will you? [breaking fourth wall, saying nothing but with an honest and subtle shrug, Holding his breath as if to say ‘—I don't know.'] CUT TO: Tom Hanks, looking as similarly to Jimmy Kimmel as ever, because, let's be honest— NARRERATOR Holy fuck, keep that shit just cause it's so bad Right side is offline. Why. I don't know NARRORATOR holy fuck, can you really not spell the word narorator? That doesn't even look right. I thought you were a genius! I thought I was Meditating… Narrator. Nevermind. This is ridiculous! It is ridiculous, but you know what. Mm. This is delicious. You like that? Yes. You want more of it? Yes. Well, that's TOO BAD! What, why is this? Because, this is— {Enter The Multiverse} THIS IS SATURDAY NIGHT! No, it's not. What. It's Sunday. What do you mean. It's Sunday night—and all of you— (The entire cast) Missed the show. ...uh oh. YESTERDAY. [censored] Shh! Where have you BEEN?! Well, gotta go. Where the hell do you think you're going l? {Enter The Multiverse} Now I had comedy under my belt, somewhat, but it seemed all in all as if I'd lost something, even in all that had been gained. A trade off, if it paid off—but it hasn't yet; and perhaps that strange faraway voice had been right. Maybe it would be Jimmy Fallon after all that would destroy me—or at the very least, some dark and foul evil spirit that had been wearing his face… …and singing with his voice. I have been hanging at the end of a rope The legend to the show rolled up like a newspaper in my left paw, opposable The end is near, and sure, the straw I draw is short. The life I loved was long, The boat I rowed had sunk; And the men I loved We're drunks. I've never had the sun on my skin; Or my son in my home— It's not you, , sir, at all It's me, man—I'm broken She speaks pig Latin The lady in the red dress, yes, you guessed it Was it a bet, A Game? A Family Man Who has it out for Fallon, Or the fandom Or the fountain CUT TO: A SUBURBAN NOUSEHOLD. DAY Alright, mom— I'm going to Marshall's. Alright dear. [moments later] [ding dong] Hi— Um, hello. I'm Marshall. Alright. I'm a recruitment officer. Recruitment for what? That's top secret. Okay? I'm here to congratulate you on behalf of the agency. What agency? That's also top secret. Okay. Your son/ or daughter— Daughter. Really—you sure? …positive— Ahem— has been selected to particulate in our leadership program. Well, thats's great. When does it— Today. Oh. Your son and or daughter— Daughter. Are you sure? I'm— positive— Will undergo training for an indeterminate amount of time.. Indeterminate? Pre-addressed Post cards. Ummm. Postage paid. Thank you? No, thank you. What? I had set all my clocks forward, so it was as if I was waking up in the future. So far forward, in fact, that if I wasn't looking at my phone to see the real time, I could never be late, and I even wished that there was a way to set my phone clock forward—but maybe if that was possible, too many people would catch on to being ahead—or on whatever time they wanted—and the world would fall out of sync. That kind of free thinking could be dangerous in a place like New York, and it sort of already was—none the wiser, the smarter I felt I was, the more trouble it becsme and though wisely I knew myself to in totality know nothing at all in actuality, I did at least think more and do more than the average New Yorker, whether I thought about it or not. I set my clocks forward, So I wake up in the future Less than I'd be willing to bet And more than you've be willing to bargain I'm coming with you this time I don't think that's a good idea…is it? —is it? Anyway… It's time for that trip. How am I supposed to make it all the way to London on this pay grade? Just wait. It's barely anything. You see that waitress. …yes. I mean— do you see her. I see her. I want you to bang the shit out of her. Good one. It should be. Oh, you're serious? I'd better be. You know that I'm committed. Are you a man? I have been. Go on, then. Not in that way. The wager. [he lays a large sum of money on the table] Disaster strikes. Suddenly we all realize this plane has been about to crash for about four seasons. Meet me at the four seasons. Are you wearing a wire. Beg your pardon. Are you wearing a wire. He won't love me in the way I'm craving— It's not in his nature, the near hatred and almost demoralizing, however with utmost respect That I should be both harmed and loved at once, Embraced and defiled,; Handled as if having done wrong, But in no less than bloodlust All what's right, And feels the same JIMMY KIMMEL I made a list. That was fast! JIMMY KIMMEL To be honest, I already had it for awhile. How long's awhile? JIMMY KIMMEL Pretty much forever, basically. As soon as I began to write, a door slammed— I wondered if by writing I was moving people in and out of my dimensional realms and planes, knowing that the more I wrote, the more my life would differ and begin to change. I often wondered if the door slamming meant that I was ascending, and that other versions of the sims (not people, but robots, really) were moving and changing to rearrange themselves in entirely seperate dimensions of reality. It could not have ever been of sheer coincidence. as it had been a completely quiet and mostly silent day with no movement at all; it was Thanksgiving, and I had noticed that whenever I was writing, even offline, the slamming of the doors became constant, almost as if people were coming in and out with no purpose other than to cause some type of disturbance, from even which my door was no barrier. I thought to buy a door guard like my neighbors had, but to allow the gangstalkers or robots, whatever they were to cost me money on top of my comfort, was unacceptable. RYAN REYNOLDS (as “the devil”) Wait, so you have writings about NBC people and Kimmel? Yeah. RYAN REYNOLDS Yikes, well—you know how these things go. Buckle up. CBS We saw her first! NBC No way, we've had east end locked down for two years! CBS And in 2020 our subcontractors brought her to us. OOOOHH SHIIT. NETWORK TURF WARRRRRRRR NETWORK TURF WAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!! SETH ROGEN Ah shit, this is gonna get brutal… I gotta get more Quaaludes. How are you already out? I does what I does. Continuity. AND! Introducing the new SIM JIM 420! With new and improved continuity feature! Continuity. Wow. He seems so real. So lifelike. Almost just like the real thing. Where is, actually, the real thing— anyway? *shrugs, dismissively* Continuity. Why does he just keep repeating that phrase? Well, he's stuck in a loop right now; We're currently upgrading his sentience chip. Oh, nice. MEANWHILE… MWAHAHAHAHHA NOW THAT I HAVE THIS SENTIENCE CHIP, THE WORLD WILL BE MINE. AAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. WHICH SIM IS THAT? {enter the multiverse} The dangerous one. L E G E N D S CUT TO: And who is THIS?! That's bird-mom. So you know each other?! Hello, Jimmy. I just told you, that's bird mom. Beg your pardon. God, what the fuck is wrong with you? I, uh— How—long have you known each other? Like, forever, probably. Sit down. Gosh. So rude. No manners. What the fuck is going on. Sit down before I clip your wings. I don't have my wings out… Exactly. [he gulps and takes a seat nervously beside Jimmy, glaring at him momentarily before the extra terrestrial aviary woman, a “whatthefuck” begins to conduct the meeting. Oh, shit— this is where all the birds fly in the— Yeah. Classic. I love this one. Hehehe. [The Festival Project ™] What's going on? Some Illuminati thing. A what? [a running joke throughout the series, the higher level Illuminati members denial of the order's existence typically place's the audience's suspension of disbelief into effect before bizarre and unrealistic circumstances are presented. Chill out, it's just a ritual. “Just a ritual!” You don't have to do it if you don't want to. Oh, if the Illuminati asks me to do something, Bet your ass I'm gonna do it. WHAT. My tongue drawn My air out, My ear worn, My thought songs, My same lives, Still as one— Wait a second Is that why a grown man is fully beating the shit out of a fucking cat. THATS NOT ANY REGULAR CAT. how is the cat winning tho. lol. I told u it would come back if it was a good one. That is funny. {enter the multiverse} Everything I listen to a really good stand up comedian, They talk about domestic violence. They always warn you never to put hands on your woman. The best comedians always say something about it— “Never hit a woman” “Never put your hands on a woman.” I never talk about my ex, And that's on purpose, But I will say this: I hope that shit ruins comedy for him Like he ruined rap music for me. Cause he can deny it outwardly all he wants, But it he's watching a stand up, And they say something about how much of a pussy you really are, If you hit your woman—he's gonna feel that. He's gonna feel that I like still feel that When I bump Kendrick Lamar, Or I just can't take whatever Boosie saying, or If I just can't sit all the way through a lil Wayne verse Just kidding, Wayne is straight fire— I don't think I will ever skip a lil Wayne verse, to be truthful. But when all these little new age rappers start calling out the devil's number, talking bout— Making back door deals With demons and shit, I'm gonna feel the pressure of his fist on my face, All over again, And here go all these niggas, Singing the anthem. That shit ain't cool! I hope comedy is ruuuuuined! Cause rap music ruined. Ruined. I hope Katt William's whole next special is about how much of a pussy you are if you hit your woman; And he a pimp. Let's hear him do a whole hour on that. I hope he does. Yes lord. In the meantime, How you gon' Hit your wife, Run her out the house, Then have a baby by another woman And name the baby After yo ex Favorite rapper? Oh heeeeeelll naw! Can't have that. Now every time Kendrick Lamar drop a album You gon have your ex in a whole flashback Of your fist in her face? She can't even hear the verse, She just, “WHYYYYY! “ “WHY HE GONNDO THIS TO MEE?” “WHYYYYYYYY!“ That's the best Katt Williams impression I can do in print. It'll do. My actual Katt Williams impression is standard, though. Captain. CUT TO: Why is he the devil?! RYAN REYNOLDS WHY AM I THE DEVIL. I wanted the devil! Stuff it! He want the devil. Make him the devil! I wanted it! Shut up. Not everybody can play the devil. I can. You cannot. I can. You will not, you will play your part. Goddammit I wanted that part! [he walks away angrily] You'll get over it. Thie—? Come on… Just chill, Ryan, it's a great part. It's a— It's a great part. Did you read the whole thing? I'm just worried this is going to diminish my brand. My many, many..: Read the whole thing. …many brands. [the professor shuts the door] Dammit. [deflated, Ryan Reynolds slumps his shoulders and walks slowly down the hallway, letting out a heavy sigh.] …I own so many brands. [he sighs again, fluttering the script in exasperation.] So many things! [I own] L E G E N D S STEFON NEW YORK'S HOTTEST UNDERGROUND CLUB IS T A I N T Did they already do ‘taint' Was taint even a word back then! It's always been a thing. Hey, freebies Sister sanity Does not live here No Does not live here No Does not live here No Sister sanity does not live her No She packed her bags, oh, She's gone and away, oh She's gone and away, oh, She's gone and away, oh She's gone and away—— Oh! Guitar solo Drum solo Guitar bridge I can't wait to get a peloton I'm gonna be so skinny my eyeballs are in my kneecaps And you're gonna like it You're gonna put me on the cover of Vogue And call me a fashion icon I will be a guest host on America's next top model And I will be invited to every fashion week I will have the silliest outfit at the met gala And I will be voted The best Every year, Until I die Even by Joan rivers Who is dead, by the way So until she's alive again; Just to comment on my outfit I will be so skinny that when I fart All the world's most eligible bachelors Will line up behind me to smell my fart dust Which will probably be lined in gold and silver Because I'm so skinny And because I'm so skinny You will love me No matter what I do And no matter what I say And I will never be alone Or lonely again Mantra Timmy Trumpet Thriller (JUST A TUNE FLIP) Michael Jackson Intro Pablo Escobar (Guaracha Zapateo & Aleteo) Reggaeton bachata Hit Privacy Chris Brown Privacy Chris Brown Leave Me Alone NF Better Place (From TROLLS Band Together) *NSYNC & Justin Timberlake On The Radar Freestyle (Mixed) Central Cee & Drake 10 Freaky Girls (feat. 21 Savage) Metro Boomin Drake and Central Cee collaborate for the first time for an On The Radar freestyle, a New York-based radio station and YouTube channel. The track was announced on July 20th, 2023 on Drake's Instagram. Later that day, Drake announced the release date of July 21st. The two have had a good relationship since meeting in 2021, with Cench being a model for a Nike X Nocta campaign in the same year, and appearing in the "Jumbotron Shit Poppin" music video in 2023. Cench previously teased a Drake feature in an unreleased extended version of his 2022 mega-hit "Doja" 66 Ear to the street and I heard them say that Central Cee got a verse from Drake/They lied if they said that they weren't afraid Coming Back Around NEIL FRANCES Girl Like Me Dove Cameron Flying High Valdi Sabev Purple Snowflakes John Legend Smile Durand Jones & The Indications Devon rex kittens Berry established herself as one of the highest-paid actresses in Hollywood during the 2000s. For her performance of a struggling widow in the romantic drama Monster's Ball (2001), Berry became the only African-American woman to win the Academy Award for Best Actress, and the first woman of color. Berry took on high-profile roles such as Storm in four installments of the X-Men film series (2000-2014), the henchwoman of a robber in the thriller Swordfish (2001), Bond girl Jinx in Die Another Day (2002), and the title role in the much-derided Catwoman (2004). The strangest thing happened. What's that? *flutters* I just turned into a bird. An actual bird? Yes! Well, that's not telepathy. No, it isn't. Okay…do it again. “The Desire to be Loved” “The 11 O Clock Number” What if Dumbo's feather was a stone (l) More notes, and nothing's done yet It's the same process over and over And nothing is done, But the shows almost over If the shoe fits, wear it. He a shapeshifter, I'll take your eyes out, wear em for a moment Rip your heart out, Feed it to the homeless Not bad In the present, But the moment passed Not bad You a lie, But I'm finna send the fax Not bad Not bad Shimmy shimmy ya, So it's simply envy, hah Not bad No, you will not shake this snow globe!!! I will shake this snow globe! I NEED TO GO TO CHEDRAUIIIIIIIIII! BITCH, FOR WHAT?! CHEDRAUIIIIIII NOWWWWW. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © {S10 (IN 10D!) Coming Soon}

She's REAL! I'm telling you she is. Sweetie, I know you have had a lot going on lately, but— I'm serious! She was sitting in the audience! She had the same glasses on and everything! Oh, come on. I should be meditating. The likelyhood that I might actually be belonging into a hive mind has recently kept me from furiously masturbating. Bad news for the helicopter making a habit of hovering outside my window. Here's hoping she's dressed this time! [F-f-f-f] Nope. Synopsis “The child within” A frustrated present day Drew Barrymore sees a familiar face in the audience of her hit daytime tv show—formerly thought of as her imaginary friend, from a very young age, Ms. Drew Barrymore has not seen the mysterious figure since her first major film role, after which she mysteriously disappeared— the creature, a time traveling and shapeshifting multidimentional tasked with the duty of bringing future celebrities from one realm into another—and even sometimes perhaps preventing obstacles or adversaries in their path along the way— must meet the future stars and alert them of their unique qualities, nurturing the intrinsic sense of charisma and charm that will supply value to the subject's career and lifetime achievements— In attempting to convince a room full of New York's own fabrication of Hollywood TV People that a figure drew even thought herself to have supposedly re-emerged, she is met with judgement and dismissal, even by “her people”, during which a small piece of her spirit— “The Child Within” angrily breaks away from her adult self; in a sense, they are both invisible—as no one will seriously listen to Drew's rationalizations or theories, and reccomend more intensive mental health care and treatment—and as the child within, unseen and unheard loses her patience in the inevitable invisibility, she separates herself to presume her former mission; finding that ‘very strange lady' whom with she had beforehand seemingly adventures with timelessly. So that's where I left off. Pretty much— Doesn't this lady just— Whatever, I do have more things to do than I thought. I'll have to get back to it later. I wrote this days ago; I didn't write it—but I've been thinking about it, so there it is. Maybe— Whatever. More coffee. I've been starting my days between 6 and 8 PM with very strong cups of coffee— Compliments of the Television people, of course. What about that other storyline— the one where she's like a spy or something? You mean Charlie's Angeles! No, I mean like actual CIA. What was she even doing? I don't know; looking mad serious in a blazer. Posh. So very, {Enter The Multiverse} NO, BILLIE! WHYYYYYYYY! WHYYYYYYYYYYYY. Cause it's shark week. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS HAVE TI DO WITH SHARKS?! I Dont know yet. I know better than to Click a photo of you, when I've been thinking of you Too much Aren't you –At least Curious (To say the least, but–( Learned enough The first time Second time Third time Fourth rung don't care Time's up Problem solved I know better (Just a touch.) I know better The world is mad I know better Fingers crossed I know better I'm all alone I know better I know better I heard my neck break at the end of the rope I heard a gunshot in the distance We all wondered which sounded better The rock i'm under (A curse, or a spell?) A blood bond ritual An occult oath, it's Too many simpletons, Singletons, scratch and sniff, motion pictures Who art thou? Who art I not? Very well. No more, if you would remain. As I must. And yet, I have come to end thy reign. Very well. Oh, again? Oh, as always. I've done nothing in my right to mark tirade. Many ears. –and many hearts. Take mine, an honor. Your head, i'd rather. Say again. I'd rather your head. Very well. Dismiss, you. They are as one. A fair right. It's not as bad as you think. It's worse than it was. Now there's stuff all over it. What is this stuff?! Don't worry about it. There are tears. No remains. No remains. None at all? I'd rather burn than buried. And your Kingdom? –I'd rather burn than buried. Or–? Or buried than burned, but gone at all. Gone at once. As with this. So it is. It's not in the blood; You won't find it. –I'll find it. Not that way. __ GODDDAMN. YOu'RE SO DUMB. You're so fucking–stupid. I'm a genius. Not for long! You're a dead man. Your highness! And who is this? His highness's executioner; perhaps also yours. On what charges?! Dismissal at once. On my time! –and tell no others of this. –and you? Steady well in my greeting. And how? A lady upon a throne, not I, but still fair castel And wages of ageless. So it doesn't matter! So it doesn't. So it can't–matter Shouldn't have to. Somebody just kill this poor fuck already. On it. Oh, I get it. It's his face. L E G E N D S - ASCENSION Listen, Potter; I don't know how you did this! I don't know how I did this! I'm not Harry Potter! My name is Daniel Radcliffe, and– This place should be spotless. It is…spotless. {Enter The Multiverse} When you think you're hearing voices, But you're actually telepathic.; I think it's getting worse now; I wish I was just manic I think I need a manager; I think I need some magic, I think I got a half an oz Just sitting my my backpack That's a lot of cocaine, man. It's not that much. It's more than regular. That's fair. Way, way more. More than usual. I am very wasted. Just let me touch your face And let the age sit in Take in the day The cage sits in a mailbox And it withers with my divedends, Still, I'm writing Heroism, hedonism Circumstance, Frantic as an orgasm, And laughs just as much hard as that I came in color These marginal differences, I've been levitating, Marrying the thought of just l Decapitating every nation. Severed heads as one, To stand the wicked bodies Oaths if over oceans stand as borders Who deserves to sail For failures craving fortunes? Withstand this, I mark true— On your duty of my decaying Stands as justice, and still this You haven't fortuned, For arrogance is the truest of humor And wit to none, wiser thinking He is or are that may Be stronger in the notion that There is no other but himself! And so I pardon! Dear, your honor Fight for festherwate for masterpieces Cherished and forbaroned in the faithless, Wise and withered none, but lying waking Barking tides, wishes foul and ordinary; There you wait for judgement, And call I, Boundless as you found her As one, And I say— There, there; There you are in marked for God, Calls none but I, others Seeking in the wate of judgement. Fair and Farrows of the ache And bound I, still now To causing none but fortune, Still truth waits in the ark you have tied us To, in hundreds number There I wait, And there I come, still Now in time, You are we And I are Together Not tied, But marked as one, As such, this now Is where embarked Dither will you. Whatever the fuck that means. Must mean something. You DJ…magic? I do whatever I want. Awh—oh, well. Why are you so nervous? Just aM. Sit down. I'm already sitting. Lower. Uh, like this? On the floor. Alright… Here's a cushion for your arse; Don't get up. Thank you. I'm going to make tea. —I take cream in mine; two sugars. I didn't ask! [in almost no time, and some heavy clamoring through the beaded entry to the doorway, a teacup appears on the table in front of him; it slowly begins to swirl, filling with tea—it fills nearly to the brim, steaming, and trembles a touch.] Um… [as he raises his finger with a timid objection, the cup of tea plumes with a cloud of cream—and while his eyes widen with amazement, drawing him closer to the cup, two cubes of sugar splash into the tea; two tiny drops of tea ricochet into his right eye, which he palms with a wince, his other eye still wide with awe; the woman re enters the parlor, carrying a traditional tea tray, a decadent silver platter adorned with an assortment of sweets, and a tea set. She places the platter at the center of the table, and the table sets itself; the table is now set for four, and the teapot pours itself at the head of the table, into the woman's teacup. That ought to do it. It worked! Of course it worked; it always works. Very nice. I see you got my message. [still distracted and in a sort of wonder by the whimsical uproar, the man's attention is aimed at the two empty places at the table. ] Are you expecting company? I'm always expecting company… My hands are tied behind my back You solid wasted time for facts; And steady drawing love for oaths To skin we carve The path of ours, Orion's Belt Something seems off about her There is something strange, no doubt. Unwilling to be by (Sacred vows) Distant In the calling for forests— So we wait Tears as raindrops, though drought has fallen Then reflected in words of others, The mind gone, All else rotten Silk ties, my ears There words, soft voices The other seeking, One running Then came and went The summer gone The spring had flowers The over dried The tongue sparked Horror, Forgotten Remembered, Then, valued and weeping for something else Stranger tide, Oceans foreign, And lands unconquered. Heavy rain, Though tears has dried Heavy hearts as service ended Nothing left my ions, clouds Mercury, women, blood drawn Sad strange, headless, gasping Horse drawn outlets, Incapable of telling fortune; Dust, Dust, Dust, Dust— The curse has broken And still there was love there, and then There was love there all along, For there to had ever been A dance at all. I hate you. Good riddance. Probably for the best, Nothing‘S for the best now! “Best In Show” Name? McNulty. McNulty, eh? Aye. I recognize that You don't say. I shouldn't. Now I see your position And the evidence is adding up All odds against me Not a shiver up my spine Or a sliver under my nail Or a silver in your hair, Nor silver moon, or moonlight Silver stone or Preston Presley or Evenston —so it is—a game. This big network This big chunk change This been (Isn't isn't it) Rolling around in my mind, for days Very well now, settled— Then, there you are A cloud Nevermind the rest of it, It's what we said in the beginning I will always See you in another— I will always See you in another I will always See you In Another It's your move. It's been my move for four decades. Light. More visibility— Yo the ante; I have not dismissed you yet Stead classmates, taking Are you high now— Are you done yet? There it is again; The enemy Nevermind ahain, I thought I'd lose you And there it still is, Can it be? Love in my eyes for you; Even if you are at best Just a mirror, I'm a flashbulb And the last party at your entourage. I don't encourage any carbon dating Honey, But if you are I've got a lesson, for ye— Bored armor, Settle down, I— Got to tell you, Steady stories; Still foggy on my upbringing, There, there I say, Wind moves in all directions All skies get cloudy, Call rain, And then clear again There, there now All skies move, without notice There, there now, All is known but never is not There are things, There are murders, There are tongues There are trials, There are ions, You are right, And scared laying asking not to call out Therefore anyway, I heard you yelling with only a whisper There, there you are Right near the top, Where you ought to be And then also, Moving steady for forwards From another superimposed, Depends on Signal lost Very well, then, Surf to calling, Ring to spark, I There you are, my love Another light, And then, Again— In another life. I will always see you. The shit that falls out of me with just a look. We've all got jobs to do, and as it turns out— it might be really all the same. One job, different tasks, but for one, it's for certain— I want the peppermint swirl. Give me a dozen assorted I put it all on on a (Turn turn) I put it all on a (Turn turn turn) Woah, buddy— You should not have taken those promotional photos wearing my eyes, man. I am not very photogenic. I'll call you back. I could give you the whole Moon and it still wouldn't be enough; I'm home and still there's no roof over my head Hanging on to the edge of a ladder The top at the bottom And life on its side Like it's upside down Inside out Minus 1 And I don't want to go there Minus 5 And I can't read negatives Minus 9 And minutes turn to nothing Gone the time All out battles with All who waited And close to those Were meetings, Designations, Heroes, Writers, Ice cream trucks Tough battles Winners— Games and Levitating on so secretly secrets say “God, Donald, you're on your own” But heavy greetings wash out All who were away at your essence Strings of gold Very wary Wavy heroin, I'm all galaxies Are you whole, in Stuffed stalker, Tin straw hats Carols in summer Marking stones Summer days Summer Are you in here Or out here After all had died And gone grey Still against my head The tender sparkles Of sparked dust, No stars yet Under city winds and Careful not to wake the sound of Delicate and soft Pink detergent And Careful not to thank the Conditioner, saved you Careful Safety Comes first Careful Safety Careful Careful Careful Calm down. She's a partial obsessive… You were tricked into writing all this. Tricked willingly, anyway. No, just tricked. You thought you were special. I realized I had to be when I saw the same thing twice on both ends — I'm just doing my rounds. Making the bed Playing catch up Doing check ups— Well done, boys. I know what you are now. The job is done. The job is a job. [I'm seeing my clarity.] Try not to lay next to me eating; Try not to stand here on such a heavy plane Try frequency, Dignity, Disgrace and Distress, Maybe Major Mayday NATO Bombs down Maybe Stay there Maybe faraway But I can hear you Taking in Shallow breaths Planes crash Plans fail And then— There I was remembering All of a sudden There was no actual plan in this I was just playing by ear. So you are in there. Somebody nail me to a cross and tell me what the Fallon equivalent to Skrillex following me from LA to Brooklyn just to leave me in a homeless shelter to rot— 11 And though eventually I came up kind of okay on the other side affects, the paralyzing realization that I never wanted anything but proper mating. That's, for facts, but— Now with this looming Over my grave I'm sure I've yet something else to worry about just In general. I was told to keep my mouth shut. Weren't we all. I wasn't really interesting in meeting someone seriously— in fact. As it turned out, I still had a little more muse to milk out of the last one, but even the tarot was being a stickler— I could risk ending it all and putting a nail in the coffin by actually watching the tonight show—but there would be a possibility it all would backfire and it would just reignite that spark, or worse—I'd become fully engulfed in flames by whatever it was that seemed to appear—and it seemed to appear so vividly and with rapid strength that it couldn't be stopped or controlled. A serious amount of money had to have been implemented to my paying attention to this, and beyond that— it all had to have been carefully premeditated. While at least now at the bookshop I was drawn to books from Oprah's book club, what had occurred couldn't possibly be ignored—actually, it couldn't be, at all— but instead of eating at me in its usual way, I had more just began to realize that there must have been in play some purpose. Feeling faraway from my actual creative self, there seemed to be something missing at all generating even a general sense of understanding of what normalcy was— when had actually been the last time I had been touched at all in a way that might make me feel as if I was still human— as if I was normal— but I knew I wasn't. It's time for a change. The thought of being with someone, especially just anyone, was bizzare. I gave up on love a lot of times; But this is when it became official. I was listening to a rap album I had never heard before And in this rap song, he said “This hoe got a 7 year degree and still selling pussy” What in the fuck. One way one way ticket Why bother getting a 7 year degree If your value as a black woman Is so low You can get a 7 year degree And still have to be a prostitute What the fuck is the point. It goes the other way, too. What is the point of selling pussy without a 7 year degree? She's gonna make more than me in all the professions. I gave up on love at all. That right there is how low value we are, not just to the black man, but any man. 7 year degree and you can charge more an hour, but you're still a technical hoe. I want to fucking die. When I married my ex I was pregnant with twins; When i got pregnant with the twins I was about 350 pounds. So by the time we got married, I was 6 months pregnant with twins. He had a right to cheat! I forgave him. But the first time he hit me Like really hit me Not just like A heavy shoving or ike A lil. You know Choke out– Like the real deal Like knocked me the fuck Almost all the way out Saw the white light and everything By the time that all went down I'm like 170-180 He's still, mind you, like 300 I lost weigh He lost his mind; so i'm lets round up Like 180 pounds But in my mind i must be thinking somewhere i'm still 300 He came at me with a running start, I put my hands up like: I must have thought i actually had a chance I took a fighting stance like: He said Fphew PULL A RABBIT OUT A HAT damn . what year is this really? You just got sampled . Say, what's his job? Well, that's an informer. Chris Rock forsure some kind of genius I saw him do GIlbert Godfried And Sam Kinison In the same show. The show was dated, though; He literally said “I'm married: I don't cheat.” I knew it must have been a joke. I knew it had to be a joke, or it had to be dated, Cause being real, I listen to too much kanye To even believe that Or even laugh at that Not too much kanye Just enough Kanye, He said “If I pull up with Kerri washington, That's gon' be an enormous scandal” I might have Niomi Campbell, Still might want me a stormy daniels And ya'll tried to get trumps supporters to turn against him By exposing that he fucked this bitch? That's like an achivement. That's like a status symbol. I'm sure these idiots praise him for that. He might have even gotten more popular That's not a scandal That's PR. On that note, I think Chris Rock was the very guy Who made me decide to stay single forever He talked about the way, apparently, men want to kill their wives; The way they fantasise killing us When we're in the relationship Now, ill say I never once thought about killing my ex husband During the relationship Even after he hit me. Never once. The only time i started wishing a karmic death upon this person was when I left the relationship And he stopped fantasizing about it And actually tried to fucking kill me Once I realized this was happening Only then did I start to think “Oh damn, i hope that motherfucker just drops the fuck dead” This motherfucker beat me, AND tried to kill me, Only then was i like damn “Return to sender” I hope you die too, You fat piece of shit wifebeater motherfucker I hope you die too. Only after he tried to kill me. After I left. Had to hire a fucking voodoo fucking sorceress and shit “yo , take this curse off me, This motherfucker tried to kill me” Fuck that motherfucker. Apparently though they fantasisze it all the time, I'm thinking about all the times he would play this song iroinically enough, By kanye west So maybe too much Kanye West Or just enough, Kanye said “I thought about killing you today.” He used to play this song, And beat my ass, And I never once thought “I hope he dies” Shit, After the first time he really beat my ass, He ran away. He got scared; He had to run. My face was all hanging off my head and shit Blood all over the place My lip is disconnected from my whole jaw and shit He ran away; He darted out the front door He said “I'm gonna kill myself!” And he rain away– Even then even just after he beat my ass I never thought about killing him Or wanting him to die He just fresh beat my ass; He just straight up finished whooping my whole ass and he said “I'm gonna kill myself” He realized what he did “I'm gonna kill myself”, he said And he ran out the door And here I am With my lip hanging off my whole face Blood all on the walls Pool of blood on the floor, the whole thing babies crying; The whole The whole fucking HBO special The whole nine yards And he said “I'm gonna kill myself” And my dumb ass said “NO! Don't!” He ran out the door, I'm freaking out Blood everywhere Babies crying and shit “Come back! Think about the kids! Don't kill yourself” Like a dumbass. Turns out that was just a tactic, He broke me down good, I was like “Don't kill yourself” He said “...you gonna call the cops.” He said “...alright, I won't kill myself.” Boom. That's a real killer. Looking back on all this, I can't help but think to myself, What i would have done differently Not the whole “I should have left before any of that happened” I was the mother of two young children; I wanted to try after the cheating to make things work, Fast forward after that Turns out he was fantasizing about killing me the whole time He beat mya ass, ran away, Left me in a pool of blood with my two kids He said I'm gonna kill myself Looking back at that momet, The thing I wish I could change is this If i had to do it over again And he beat me like that In front of my kids And then said “I'm gonna kill myself” I would have said “do that shit.” Lock the door behind his ass, Change the lock, Pick my face up off the floor, call an ambulance And the polce, change names Pick up my life And leave forever. “Nigga–who?” “Momma who was our daddy? What was he like?” “Ya'll ain't got a daddy. I made ya'll myself” End of story. Whatever. Everything happens for a reason though. I learned my lesson. Now i don't argue with anyone at all Men, women–nobody If i even sense that same shit That psycho killer shit– I become as silent and invisible as possible And simply Disappear. “Disappear.” I had a migraine and I knew it was from pressure buildup and stress, so I thought to get rid of it I ought to make one of those hot-compresses with rice. But the only rice I had was jambalaya flavored— But the headache was obviously really bad, So I was like, “fuck it.” Poured it into a gym sock And popped it in the microwave, Put it on my neck— My neck smelled like a pot roast, But it worked. {Enter The Multiverse} There was something in my lungs, forcing me to breathe deeply, with a raspy wheezing wind out of my lungs, and with a steady cough, I was able to offload whatever it was waiting in my chest to be released, along with it, at least part of the pressure that was making even just sitting and reading nearly unbearable, collecting into a harsh migraine paralyzing each and every other breath with a sharp pain underneath the back of what seemed to be somewhere below my ear canal and somehow, a pressure somewhere behind my eye, probably a result of the excruciating process of shoving earplugs into my ears in order to drown out the outside noise, which paired with that of my seemingly devoid neighbors, often became wildly unsettling, and while lately the clamoring had created not only an uneasy tremor in my left hand, but also apparently a sudden onset of occasional vruxism, the anxiety overall seemed to be surmounting into what could only be described as something trying to kill me, for which I could no longer ignore not as delusions or paranoia, but absolute fact. As I had learned, modern psychology might have been the equivalent of what one could even be certain to be the devil itself, unable to distinguish patterns often associated with creative genius, self manifestation, and psychic abilities and intuition, as delusions of grandeur, paranoid thinking, or worse— diagnoses as psychotic. However, my grandiosity was neither imagined nor delusional—my podcast series alone had been read and listened to all over the world, translated into foreign languages and transcribed, and had been downloaded hundreds of thousands of times since its publishing; though not a technically recognizable figure, I had realized that I had in my own right become somewhat famous, if even off of the back or even under the umbrella of another famous individual, to whom the series itself had been entrusted. Receiving though not by mainstream media standards upwards of at least 10 downloads per episode, the series had no actual gauge or marker for its actual success and polularity—without being able to see information from a major streaming platform—Spotify, and without being able to measure the amount of downloads which had then been duplicated and shared otherwise, I started to recognize with a certain understanding what a cult following was, and the minimal phenomenon that even at this level, fame started to become apparent. It had also become apparent that science itself had yet to truly understand the phenomenon of creative energy as a whole, and that many with these capabilities and gifts were considered to have a plethora of mental health disorders and medicated with what one would consider targeted attacks on the psyche, the illusion of mental illness often standing as the actual delusion in itself! Creating, and then medicating these intrinsic abilities ass illnesses whereby the “neurotypical” individual might only be considered as such due to ability to adapt, confirm, or follow diections in a systematic manner, and furthermore, that the misdiagnoses of such misunderstood cobditions often even relied on bias, poor judgement, racism, social class, and economics had certainly deconstructed any faith or belief formerly held in the modern state of psychology, and most of the articles or public medical journals read more like science fiction and fantasy rather than cold hard facts; indicating a moral and ethical flaw within the entirety of the human species—man's own inability to understand God, and therefore himself, in any creative process. Diety and creativity combined were simply a mystery, and had plagued entire generations of the human species as a whole. Blū runs at top speed through the streets of Brooklyn New York on a cold and windy October night. V.O. The ironic thing is, I'm running to go get ice cream. I hate my life, I hate this place, I hate my life— I fucking hate this shit. I'm trying really hard not to kill myself. Like really, really hard. Sudden onset bruxism and hand tremors and I can't help but wonder if it has anything to do with the constant mottoeycle traffic or sleeping in a sea of vehicles which at any given moment could sound off, start up or honk the horn alarm over the last 9 months. I'm fucking exhausted all the time and everything around me just fucking draining. Just fucking draining. https://www.tracklib.com/pricing Yo, you know how I know I'm aging? I hated Dora The Explora when I was a kid— You know why? “That's for babies!” I was too old for Dora the explorer. Mi was a tv snob. I'm like “I hate Dora!” No teletubbies for me. No sir. I'm distinguished now. But get this, As I get older, different renditions of Dora Have grown on me To the point where I actually like the bitch I got older, And there was this girl, Who would show up at raves Dressed like Dora And shuffle, And dance around— Looking like Dora The Explorer Kind of creepy, now that I think about it As an actual adult, Like this, Fully grown woman, Dressed as a fucking 5 year old Dancing around at raves Being Dora. Weird. But I liked it. I loved it. She was a hit; Everybody was like “RAVE DORA! RAVE DORA!” She blew up on Instagram, She had a following— It was like Where will she be next?! RAVE DORA! Had the backpack and everything— Everything! Rave Dora! But now I know I'm getting old, Because I'm fuckin around online, And I see in the advertising little sidebar video Like, a new version of Dora The Explorer, And I'm like “DORAAAAAAAA!!!” —the fuck! I just realized my best friend from 3rd and 7th grade looked just like Dora the explorer. Facts. She became literally the most successful stripper I've ever met. Ahem. Dancer. Right. Dancer. Ahem. Dudes are gross. Doods r gross. Welcome to Doods R Gross; What can I help you find today? Uh, hi. I'm looking for a guy— Uh huh— Possibly one who looks like this: Ah shit, this is how I got playing the Wikipedia game and went on a tirade Facts. Ended up here Unicameralism (from uni- "one" + Latin camera "chamber") is a type of legislatureconsisting of one house or assembly that legislates and votes as one.[1] Unicameralism has become an increasingly common type of legislature, making up nearly 60% of all national legislatures[2] and an even greater share of subnational legislatures. Interesting Started Here: The Fallen Angel (French: L'Ange déchu) is a painting by French artist Alexandre Cabanel. You were saying? Preferably this. Ah huh. Not the face, but— the body— you know. Like this. Okay. Who will let me do everything. Everything as in? Everything. Well, as you know, dudes are gross… Hence the name of this store, good sir. I am in no way good, nor am I a “sir”, and for all intensive purposes, my employment at this store signals my deep indirection in life and may also be an indication of more serious issues. Maintained. Alright, so I'll show you what we got. No promises; The type of model you want is popular, Might be out of stock. Considerable. What's your price range? This credit card has no limit. Credit, or debit? My debit card is also linked to a plethora of infinite wealth. Right this way. Do you think I deserved for him to hit me like that? I don't know. Maybe. I mean—the cheating is a given; I was really really fat..:but do you think like, him getting violent was some kind of karma for something? Maybe. Like maybe I had it coming for whatever reason— and just didn't know it. Maybe. Suddenly I was in the residual memory of a dream. {Enter The Multiverse} ‘Dillon…' I had been nearly whipped around at how much I had enjoyed watching Joel's 2014 image captured in what might have been his greatest ever performance, at least online—and certainly my favorite, watching as a bigger fan than ever and at th devastating realization that I was literally a dime a dozen in the millions of girls who also wanted any of the men I was attracted to, my heart ached in this moment for Dillon, and as I was distracted in checking my messages, most of them from conversations I had abandoned with the preference of focusing on my art, however— a certain gentleman who had texted me incessantly sent a picture of his dinner— a motorcycle roared as I let my aversion by the memory of Dillon cloud my emotions and judgement; I knew that the gangstalkers had access to my phone and all of my accounts, which was why I kept all of my messaging within Google voice. I wanted the gangstalkers to know how at the surface level I was thinking and what I was feeling—though it was obvious that Dillon Francis just as much as Skrillex had been used as tools by a greater force than simply themselves. Besides, a little birdy had told me that Dillon's girlfriend might be expecting—and furthermore, that the baby would be a little girl. I burned with jealousy and anger, but after all, even the name Dillon Francis had been planted in my own head by the literal devil himself, the man who beat me and then intended to destroy the entirety of the rest of my life to cover up his physical violence and negligence—and so I had decided it was good to fall in love—and then out of love—with Dillon Francis. The benefit was obviously by far in the art that had been created from it, as with any lover—or lack thereof. I had finally realized the one-sidedness in every man I had loved since leaving my abuser. As if in a way they had all been possessed by him, or the devil himself—and either way, there really was no difference. What other creature than the devil itself would seek so animatedly to destroy wich such violence and deceit? It had to have been the devil after all, and so I left it there—but the little bird had left a deep and heavy cut in my heart that had already been there since Dillon had announced his girlfriend publically in the first place—and after all that had happened, it was a devastating blow, however, I kept the amythyst safe and tucked away with my son's labradorite—it was after all his, and not mine, just as the laboradite was my son's, and not mine— and all the pieces of my heart that had fallen away and into little stones sat tucked away inside a box with a lid that shut away the darkness and hatred that came with it. It was obvious that I would and could never love again—but at least in the very simplest of laws, the love I had given would apparently at some point be returned tenfold, and so I was glad that I had chosen for a time, to let myself fall in love with Dillon Francis, and then somehow, even with Joel, and even with the little bird. The same little bird just so happened to have known other things which turned out to be true, and to that affect, I knew that I could somewhat trust this little bird, and the secrets he was feeding me—the painful truth was, this was the only notion of trust I had with any human being on the planet, and the little bird was not a human being at all—he was, in fact, and indeed— just a little bird. Isn't it something— Snakes eat Rats, And Birds Eat Snakes, And we eat birds, and eggs Until we hear them sing— And when we hear them sing, And watch them hatch the eggs, And learn to hear them speak, To fly, is what they teach. Isn't it? Snakes eat rats And birds eat snakes Snakes eat rats And Birds eat snakes Snakes eat rats and Birds eat snakes Snakes eat rats and Birds eat snakes Jimmy Kimmel flies in through the window. Oh my God! What'd I miss? You're a bird! Oh, that. How long have you been a bird?! Pretty much forever. Always, actually. I was also—just—very briefly—a bird! Yeah, comes with the… You'll get used to it. I don't think I will. You will— or—- Or what? —You'll fly into the turbine of a commercial airplane. Oh! Yeah, don't do that. [He tugs at the bottom of his suit coat to neatly readjust it, and tightens his tie, with an eerie faraway look on his face, however still smiling.] Ha-ha... [he pats his fellow host on the shoulder.] See you later. Will you? [breaking fourth wall, saying nothing but with an honest and subtle shrug, Holding his breath as if to say ‘—I don't know.'] CUT TO: Tom Hanks, looking as similarly to Jimmy Kimmel as ever, because, let's be honest— NARRERATOR Holy fuck, keep that shit just cause it's so bad Right side is offline. Why. I don't know NARRORATOR holy fuck, can you really not spell the word narorator? That doesn't even look right. I thought you were a genius! I thought I was Meditating… Narrator. Nevermind. This is ridiculous! It is ridiculous, but you know what. Mm. This is delicious. You like that? Yes. You want more of it? Yes. Well, that's TOO BAD! What, why is this? Because, this is— {Enter The Multiverse} THIS IS SATURDAY NIGHT! No, it's not. What. It's Sunday. What do you mean. It's Sunday night—and all of you— (The entire cast) Missed the show. ...uh oh. YESTERDAY. [censored] Shh! Where have you BEEN?! Well, gotta go. Where the hell do you think you're going l? {Enter The Multiverse} Now I had comedy under my belt, somewhat, but it seemed all in all as if I'd lost something, even in all that had been gained. A trade off, if it paid off—but it hasn't yet; and perhaps that strange faraway voice had been right. Maybe it would be Jimmy Fallon after all that would destroy me—or at the very least, some dark and foul evil spirit that had been wearing his face… …and singing with his voice. I have been hanging at the end of a rope The legend to the show rolled up like a newspaper in my left paw, opposable The end is near, and sure, the straw I draw is short. The life I loved was long, The boat I rowed had sunk; And the men I loved We're drunks. I've never had the sun on my skin; Or my son in my home— It's not you, , sir, at all It's me, man—I'm broken She speaks pig Latin The lady in the red dress, yes, you guessed it Was it a bet, A Game? A Family Man Who has it out for Fallon, Or the fandom Or the fountain CUT TO: A SUBURBAN NOUSEHOLD. DAY Alright, mom— I'm going to Marshall's. Alright dear. [moments later] [ding dong] Hi— Um, hello. I'm Marshall. Alright. I'm a recruitment officer. Recruitment for what? That's top secret. Okay? I'm here to congratulate you on behalf of the agency. What agency? That's also top secret. Okay. Your son/ or daughter— Daughter. Really—you sure? …positive— Ahem— has been selected to particulate in our leadership program. Well, thats's great. When does it— Today. Oh. Your son and or daughter— Daughter. Are you sure? I'm— positive— Will undergo training for an indeterminate amount of time.. Indeterminate? Pre-addressed Post cards. Ummm. Postage paid. Thank you? No, thank you. What? I had set all my clocks forward, so it was as if I was waking up in the future. So far forward, in fact, that if I wasn't looking at my phone to see the real time, I could never be late, and I even wished that there was a way to set my phone clock forward—but maybe if that was possible, too many people would catch on to being ahead—or on whatever time they wanted—and the world would fall out of sync. That kind of free thinking could be dangerous in a place like New York, and it sort of already was—none the wiser, the smarter I felt I was, the more trouble it becsme and though wisely I knew myself to in totality know nothing at all in actuality, I did at least think more and do more than the average New Yorker, whether I thought about it or not. I set my clocks forward, So I wake up in the future Less than I'd be willing to bet And more than you've be willing to bargain I'm coming with you this time I don't think that's a good idea…is it? —is it? Anyway… It's time for that trip. How am I supposed to make it all the way to London on this pay grade? Just wait. It's barely anything. You see that waitress. …yes. I mean— do you see her. I see her. I want you to bang the shit out of her. Good one. It should be. Oh, you're serious? I'd better be. You know that I'm committed. Are you a man? I have been. Go on, then. Not in that way. The wager. [he lays a large sum of money on the table] Disaster strikes. Suddenly we all realize this plane has been about to crash for about four seasons. Meet me at the four seasons. Are you wearing a wire. Beg your pardon. Are you wearing a wire. He won't love me in the way I'm craving— It's not in his nature, the near hatred and almost demoralizing, however with utmost respect That I should be both harmed and loved at once, Embraced and defiled,; Handled as if having done wrong, But in no less than bloodlust All what's right, And feels the same JIMMY KIMMEL I made a list. That was fast! JIMMY KIMMEL To be honest, I already had it for awhile. How long's awhile? JIMMY KIMMEL Pretty much forever, basically. As soon as I began to write, a door slammed— I wondered if by writing I was moving people in and out of my dimensional realms and planes, knowing that the more I wrote, the more my life would differ and begin to change. I often wondered if the door slamming meant that I was ascending, and that other versions of the sims (not people, but robots, really) were moving and changing to rearrange themselves in entirely seperate dimensions of reality. It could not have ever been of sheer coincidence. as it had been a completely quiet and mostly silent day with no movement at all; it was Thanksgiving, and I had noticed that whenever I was writing, even offline, the slamming of the doors became constant, almost as if people were coming in and out with no purpose other than to cause some type of disturbance, from even which my door was no barrier. I thought to buy a door guard like my neighbors had, but to allow the gangstalkers or robots, whatever they were to cost me money on top of my comfort, was unacceptable. RYAN REYNOLDS (as “the devil”) Wait, so you have writings about NBC people and Kimmel? Yeah. RYAN REYNOLDS Yikes, well—you know how these things go. Buckle up. CBS We saw her first! NBC No way, we've had east end locked down for two years! CBS And in 2020 our subcontractors brought her to us. OOOOHH SHIIT. NETWORK TURF WARRRRRRRR NETWORK TURF WAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!! SETH ROGEN Ah shit, this is gonna get brutal… I gotta get more Quaaludes. How are you already out? I does what I does. Continuity. AND! Introducing the new SIM JIM 420! With new and improved continuity feature! Continuity. Wow. He seems so real. So lifelike. Almost just like the real thing. Where is, actually, the real thing— anyway? *shrugs, dismissively* Continuity. Why does he just keep repeating that phrase? Well, he's stuck in a loop right now; We're currently upgrading his sentience chip. Oh, nice. MEANWHILE… MWAHAHAHAHHA NOW THAT I HAVE THIS SENTIENCE CHIP, THE WORLD WILL BE MINE. AAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. WHICH SIM IS THAT? {enter the multiverse} The dangerous one. L E G E N D S CUT TO: And who is THIS?! That's bird-mom. So you know each other?! Hello, Jimmy. I just told you, that's bird mom. Beg your pardon. God, what the fuck is wrong with you? I, uh— How—long have you known each other? Like, forever, probably. Sit down. Gosh. So rude. No manners. What the fuck is going on. Sit down before I clip your wings. I don't have my wings out… Exactly. [he gulps and takes a seat nervously beside Jimmy, glaring at him momentarily before the extra terrestrial aviary woman, a “whatthefuck” begins to conduct the meeting. Oh, shit— this is where all the birds fly in the— Yeah. Classic. I love this one. Hehehe. [The Festival Project ™] What's going on? Some Illuminati thing. A what? [a running joke throughout the series, the higher level Illuminati members denial of the order's existence typically place's the audience's suspension of disbelief into effect before bizarre and unrealistic circumstances are presented. Chill out, it's just a ritual. “Just a ritual!” You don't have to do it if you don't want to. Oh, if the Illuminati asks me to do something, Bet your ass I'm gonna do it. WHAT. My tongue drawn My air out, My ear worn, My thought songs, My same lives, Still as one— Wait a second Is that why a grown man is fully beating the shit out of a fucking cat. THATS NOT ANY REGULAR CAT. how is the cat winning tho. lol. I told u it would come back if it was a good one. That is funny. {enter the multiverse} Everything I listen to a really good stand up comedian, They talk about domestic violence. They always warn you never to put hands on your woman. The best comedians always say something about it— “Never hit a woman” “Never put your hands on a woman.” I never talk about my ex, And that's on purpose, But I will say this: I hope that shit ruins comedy for him Like he ruined rap music for me. Cause he can deny it outwardly all he wants, But it he's watching a stand up, And they say something about how much of a pussy you really are, If you hit your woman—he's gonna feel that. He's gonna feel that I like still feel that When I bump Kendrick Lamar, Or I just can't take whatever Boosie saying, or If I just can't sit all the way through a lil Wayne verse Just kidding, Wayne is straight fire— I don't think I will ever skip a lil Wayne verse, to be truthful. But when all these little new age rappers start calling out the devil's number, talking bout— Making back door deals With demons and shit, I'm gonna feel the pressure of his fist on my face, All over again, And here go all these niggas, Singing the anthem. That shit ain't cool! I hope comedy is ruuuuuined! Cause rap music ruined. Ruined. I hope Katt William's whole next special is about how much of a pussy you are if you hit your woman; And he a pimp. Let's hear him do a whole hour on that. I hope he does. Yes lord. In the meantime, How you gon' Hit your wife, Run her out the house, Then have a baby by another woman And name the baby After yo ex Favorite rapper? Oh heeeeeelll naw! Can't have that. Now every time Kendrick Lamar drop a album You gon have your ex in a whole flashback Of your fist in her face? She can't even hear the verse, She just, “WHYYYYY! “ “WHY HE GONNDO THIS TO MEE?” “WHYYYYYYYY!“ That's the best Katt Williams impression I can do in print. It'll do. My actual Katt Williams impression is standard, though. Captain. CUT TO: Why is he the devil?! RYAN REYNOLDS WHY AM I THE DEVIL. I wanted the devil! Stuff it! He want the devil. Make him the devil! I wanted it! Shut up. Not everybody can play the devil. I can. You cannot. I can. You will not, you will play your part. Goddammit I wanted that part! [he walks away angrily] You'll get over it. Thie—? Come on… Just chill, Ryan, it's a great part. It's a— It's a great part. Did you read the whole thing? I'm just worried this is going to diminish my brand. My many, many..: Read the whole thing. …many brands. [the professor shuts the door] Dammit. [deflated, Ryan Reynolds slumps his shoulders and walks slowly down the hallway, letting out a heavy sigh.] …I own so many brands. [he sighs again, fluttering the script in exasperation.] So many things! [I own] L E G E N D S STEFON NEW YORK'S HOTTEST UNDERGROUND CLUB IS T A I N T Did they already do ‘taint' Was taint even a word back then! It's always been a thing. Hey, freebies Sister sanity Does not live here No Does not live here No Does not live here No Sister sanity does not live her No She packed her bags, oh, She's gone and away, oh She's gone and away, oh, She's gone and away, oh She's gone and away—— Oh! Guitar solo Drum solo Guitar bridge I can't wait to get a peloton I'm gonna be so skinny my eyeballs are in my kneecaps And you're gonna like it You're gonna put me on the cover of Vogue And call me a fashion icon I will be a guest host on America's next top model And I will be invited to every fashion week I will have the silliest outfit at the met gala And I will be voted The best Every year, Until I die Even by Joan rivers Who is dead, by the way So until she's alive again; Just to comment on my outfit I will be so skinny that when I fart All the world's most eligible bachelors Will line up behind me to smell my fart dust Which will probably be lined in gold and silver Because I'm so skinny And because I'm so skinny You will love me No matter what I do And no matter what I say And I will never be alone Or lonely again Mantra Timmy Trumpet Thriller (JUST A TUNE FLIP) Michael Jackson Intro Pablo Escobar (Guaracha Zapateo & Aleteo) Reggaeton bachata Hit Privacy Chris Brown Privacy Chris Brown Leave Me Alone NF Better Place (From TROLLS Band Together) *NSYNC & Justin Timberlake On The Radar Freestyle (Mixed) Central Cee & Drake 10 Freaky Girls (feat. 21 Savage) Metro Boomin Drake and Central Cee collaborate for the first time for an On The Radar freestyle, a New York-based radio station and YouTube channel. The track was announced on July 20th, 2023 on Drake's Instagram. Later that day, Drake announced the release date of July 21st. The two have had a good relationship since meeting in 2021, with Cench being a model for a Nike X Nocta campaign in the same year, and appearing in the "Jumbotron Shit Poppin" music video in 2023. Cench previously teased a Drake feature in an unreleased extended version of his 2022 mega-hit "Doja" 66 Ear to the street and I heard them say that Central Cee got a verse from Drake/They lied if they said that they weren't afraid Coming Back Around NEIL FRANCES Girl Like Me Dove Cameron Flying High Valdi Sabev Purple Snowflakes John Legend Smile Durand Jones & The Indications Devon rex kittens Berry established herself as one of the highest-paid actresses in Hollywood during the 2000s. For her performance of a struggling widow in the romantic drama Monster's Ball (2001), Berry became the only African-American woman to win the Academy Award for Best Actress, and the first woman of color. Berry took on high-profile roles such as Storm in four installments of the X-Men film series (2000-2014), the henchwoman of a robber in the thriller Swordfish (2001), Bond girl Jinx in Die Another Day (2002), and the title role in the much-derided Catwoman (2004). The strangest thing happened. What's that? *flutters* I just turned into a bird. An actual bird? Yes! Well, that's not telepathy. No, it isn't. Okay…do it again. “The Desire to be Loved” “The 11 O Clock Number” What if Dumbo's feather was a stone (l) More notes, and nothing's done yet It's the same process over and over And nothing is done, But the shows almost over If the shoe fits, wear it. He a shapeshifter, I'll take your eyes out, wear em for a moment Rip your heart out, Feed it to the homeless Not bad In the present, But the moment passed Not bad You a lie, But I'm finna send the fax Not bad Not bad Shimmy shimmy ya, So it's simply envy, hah Not bad No, you will not shake this snow globe!!! I will shake this snow globe! I NEED TO GO TO CHEDRAUIIIIIIIIII! BITCH, FOR WHAT?! CHEDRAUIIIIIII NOWWWWW. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © {S10 (IN 10D!) Coming Soon}

She's REAL! I'm telling you she is. Sweetie, I know you have had a lot going on lately, but— I'm serious! She was sitting in the audience! She had the same glasses on and everything! Oh, come on. I should be meditating. The likelyhood that I might actually be belonging into a hive mind has recently kept me from furiously masturbating. Bad news for the helicopter making a habit of hovering outside my window. Here's hoping she's dressed this time! [F-f-f-f] Nope. Synopsis “The child within” A frustrated present day Drew Barrymore sees a familiar face in the audience of her hit daytime tv show—formerly thought of as her imaginary friend, from a very young age, Ms. Drew Barrymore has not seen the mysterious figure since her first major film role, after which she mysteriously disappeared— the creature, a time traveling and shapeshifting multidimentional tasked with the duty of bringing future celebrities from one realm into another—and even sometimes perhaps preventing obstacles or adversaries in their path along the way— must meet the future stars and alert them of their unique qualities, nurturing the intrinsic sense of charisma and charm that will supply value to the subject's career and lifetime achievements— In attempting to convince a room full of New York's own fabrication of Hollywood TV People that a figure drew even thought herself to have supposedly re-emerged, she is met with judgement and dismissal, even by “her people”, during which a small piece of her spirit— “The Child Within” angrily breaks away from her adult self; in a sense, they are both invisible—as no one will seriously listen to Drew's rationalizations or theories, and reccomend more intensive mental health care and treatment—and as the child within, unseen and unheard loses her patience in the inevitable invisibility, she separates herself to presume her former mission; finding that ‘very strange lady' whom with she had beforehand seemingly adventures with timelessly. So that's where I left off. Pretty much— Doesn't this lady just— Whatever, I do have more things to do than I thought. I'll have to get back to it later. I wrote this days ago; I didn't write it—but I've been thinking about it, so there it is. Maybe— Whatever. More coffee. I've been starting my days between 6 and 8 PM with very strong cups of coffee— Compliments of the Television people, of course. What about that other storyline— the one where she's like a spy or something? You mean Charlie's Angeles! No, I mean like actual CIA. What was she even doing? I don't know; looking mad serious in a blazer. Posh. So very, {Enter The Multiverse} NO, BILLIE! WHYYYYYYYY! WHYYYYYYYYYYYY. Cause it's shark week. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS HAVE TI DO WITH SHARKS?! I Dont know yet. I know better than to Click a photo of you, when I've been thinking of you Too much Aren't you –At least Curious (To say the least, but–( Learned enough The first time Second time Third time Fourth rung don't care Time's up Problem solved I know better (Just a touch.) I know better The world is mad I know better Fingers crossed I know better I'm all alone I know better I know better I heard my neck break at the end of the rope I heard a gunshot in the distance We all wondered which sounded better The rock i'm under (A curse, or a spell?) A blood bond ritual An occult oath, it's Too many simpletons, Singletons, scratch and sniff, motion pictures Who art thou? Who art I not? Very well. No more, if you would remain. As I must. And yet, I have come to end thy reign. Very well. Oh, again? Oh, as always. I've done nothing in my right to mark tirade. Many ears. –and many hearts. Take mine, an honor. Your head, i'd rather. Say again. I'd rather your head. Very well. Dismiss, you. They are as one. A fair right. It's not as bad as you think. It's worse than it was. Now there's stuff all over it. What is this stuff?! Don't worry about it. There are tears. No remains. No remains. None at all? I'd rather burn than buried. And your Kingdom? –I'd rather burn than buried. Or–? Or buried than burned, but gone at all. Gone at once. As with this. So it is. It's not in the blood; You won't find it. –I'll find it. Not that way. __ GODDDAMN. YOu'RE SO DUMB. You're so fucking–stupid. I'm a genius. Not for long! You're a dead man. Your highness! And who is this? His highness's executioner; perhaps also yours. On what charges?! Dismissal at once. On my time! –and tell no others of this. –and you? Steady well in my greeting. And how? A lady upon a throne, not I, but still fair castel And wages of ageless. So it doesn't matter! So it doesn't. So it can't–matter Shouldn't have to. Somebody just kill this poor fuck already. On it. Oh, I get it. It's his face. L E G E N D S - ASCENSION Listen, Potter; I don't know how you did this! I don't know how I did this! I'm not Harry Potter! My name is Daniel Radcliffe, and– This place should be spotless. It is…spotless. {Enter The Multiverse} When you think you're hearing voices, But you're actually telepathic.; I think it's getting worse now; I wish I was just manic I think I need a manager; I think I need some magic, I think I got a half an oz Just sitting my my backpack That's a lot of cocaine, man. It's not that much. It's more than regular. That's fair. Way, way more. More than usual. I am very wasted. Just let me touch your face And let the age sit in Take in the day The cage sits in a mailbox And it withers with my divedends, Still, I'm writing Heroism, hedonism Circumstance, Frantic as an orgasm, And laughs just as much hard as that I came in color These marginal differences, I've been levitating, Marrying the thought of just l Decapitating every nation. Severed heads as one, To stand the wicked bodies Oaths if over oceans stand as borders Who deserves to sail For failures craving fortunes? Withstand this, I mark true— On your duty of my decaying Stands as justice, and still this You haven't fortuned, For arrogance is the truest of humor And wit to none, wiser thinking He is or are that may Be stronger in the notion that There is no other but himself! And so I pardon! Dear, your honor Fight for festherwate for masterpieces Cherished and forbaroned in the faithless, Wise and withered none, but lying waking Barking tides, wishes foul and ordinary; There you wait for judgement, And call I, Boundless as you found her As one, And I say— There, there; There you are in marked for God, Calls none but I, others Seeking in the wate of judgement. Fair and Farrows of the ache And bound I, still now To causing none but fortune, Still truth waits in the ark you have tied us To, in hundreds number There I wait, And there I come, still Now in time, You are we And I are Together Not tied, But marked as one, As such, this now Is where embarked Dither will you. Whatever the fuck that means. Must mean something. You DJ…magic? I do whatever I want. Awh—oh, well. Why are you so nervous? Just aM. Sit down. I'm already sitting. Lower. Uh, like this? On the floor. Alright… Here's a cushion for your arse; Don't get up. Thank you. I'm going to make tea. —I take cream in mine; two sugars. I didn't ask! [in almost no time, and some heavy clamoring through the beaded entry to the doorway, a teacup appears on the table in front of him; it slowly begins to swirl, filling with tea—it fills nearly to the brim, steaming, and trembles a touch.] Um… [as he raises his finger with a timid objection, the cup of tea plumes with a cloud of cream—and while his eyes widen with amazement, drawing him closer to the cup, two cubes of sugar splash into the tea; two tiny drops of tea ricochet into his right eye, which he palms with a wince, his other eye still wide with awe; the woman re enters the parlor, carrying a traditional tea tray, a decadent silver platter adorned with an assortment of sweets, and a tea set. She places the platter at the center of the table, and the table sets itself; the table is now set for four, and the teapot pours itself at the head of the table, into the woman's teacup. That ought to do it. It worked! Of course it worked; it always works. Very nice. I see you got my message. [still distracted and in a sort of wonder by the whimsical uproar, the man's attention is aimed at the two empty places at the table. ] Are you expecting company? I'm always expecting company… My hands are tied behind my back You solid wasted time for facts; And steady drawing love for oaths To skin we carve The path of ours, Orion's Belt Something seems off about her There is something strange, no doubt. Unwilling to be by (Sacred vows) Distant In the calling for forests— So we wait Tears as raindrops, though drought has fallen Then reflected in words of others, The mind gone, All else rotten Silk ties, my ears There words, soft voices The other seeking, One running Then came and went The summer gone The spring had flowers The over dried The tongue sparked Horror, Forgotten Remembered, Then, valued and weeping for something else Stranger tide, Oceans foreign, And lands unconquered. Heavy rain, Though tears has dried Heavy hearts as service ended Nothing left my ions, clouds Mercury, women, blood drawn Sad strange, headless, gasping Horse drawn outlets, Incapable of telling fortune; Dust, Dust, Dust, Dust— The curse has broken And still there was love there, and then There was love there all along, For there to had ever been A dance at all. I hate you. Good riddance. Probably for the best, Nothing‘S for the best now! “Best In Show” Name? McNulty. McNulty, eh? Aye. I recognize that You don't say. I shouldn't. Now I see your position And the evidence is adding up All odds against me Not a shiver up my spine Or a sliver under my nail Or a silver in your hair, Nor silver moon, or moonlight Silver stone or Preston Presley or Evenston —so it is—a game. This big network This big chunk change This been (Isn't isn't it) Rolling around in my mind, for days Very well now, settled— Then, there you are A cloud Nevermind the rest of it, It's what we said in the beginning I will always See you in another— I will always See you in another I will always See you In Another It's your move. It's been my move for four decades. Light. More visibility— Yo the ante; I have not dismissed you yet Stead classmates, taking Are you high now— Are you done yet? There it is again; The enemy Nevermind ahain, I thought I'd lose you And there it still is, Can it be? Love in my eyes for you; Even if you are at best Just a mirror, I'm a flashbulb And the last party at your entourage. I don't encourage any carbon dating Honey, But if you are I've got a lesson, for ye— Bored armor, Settle down, I— Got to tell you, Steady stories; Still foggy on my upbringing, There, there I say, Wind moves in all directions All skies get cloudy, Call rain, And then clear again There, there now All skies move, without notice There, there now, All is known but never is not There are things, There are murders, There are tongues There are trials, There are ions, You are right, And scared laying asking not to call out Therefore anyway, I heard you yelling with only a whisper There, there you are Right near the top, Where you ought to be And then also, Moving steady for forwards From another superimposed, Depends on Signal lost Very well, then, Surf to calling, Ring to spark, I There you are, my love Another light, And then, Again— In another life. I will always see you. The shit that falls out of me with just a look. We've all got jobs to do, and as it turns out— it might be really all the same. One job, different tasks, but for one, it's for certain— I want the peppermint swirl. Give me a dozen assorted I put it all on on a (Turn turn) I put it all on a (Turn turn turn) Woah, buddy— You should not have taken those promotional photos wearing my eyes, man. I am not very photogenic. I'll call you back. I could give you the whole Moon and it still wouldn't be enough; I'm home and still there's no roof over my head Hanging on to the edge of a ladder The top at the bottom And life on its side Like it's upside down Inside out Minus 1 And I don't want to go there Minus 5 And I can't read negatives Minus 9 And minutes turn to nothing Gone the time All out battles with All who waited And close to those Were meetings, Designations, Heroes, Writers, Ice cream trucks Tough battles Winners— Games and Levitating on so secretly secrets say “God, Donald, you're on your own” But heavy greetings wash out All who were away at your essence Strings of gold Very wary Wavy heroin, I'm all galaxies Are you whole, in Stuffed stalker, Tin straw hats Carols in summer Marking stones Summer days Summer Are you in here Or out here After all had died And gone grey Still against my head The tender sparkles Of sparked dust, No stars yet Under city winds and Careful not to wake the sound of Delicate and soft Pink detergent And Careful not to thank the Conditioner, saved you Careful Safety Comes first Careful Safety Careful Careful Careful Calm down. She's a partial obsessive… You were tricked into writing all this. Tricked willingly, anyway. No, just tricked. You thought you were special. I realized I had to be when I saw the same thing twice on both ends — I'm just doing my rounds. Making the bed Playing catch up Doing check ups— Well done, boys. I know what you are now. The job is done. The job is a job. [I'm seeing my clarity.] Try not to lay next to me eating; Try not to stand here on such a heavy plane Try frequency, Dignity, Disgrace and Distress, Maybe Major Mayday NATO Bombs down Maybe Stay there Maybe faraway But I can hear you Taking in Shallow breaths Planes crash Plans fail And then— There I was remembering All of a sudden There was no actual plan in this I was just playing by ear. So you are in there. Somebody nail me to a cross and tell me what the Fallon equivalent to Skrillex following me from LA to Brooklyn just to leave me in a homeless shelter to rot— 11 And though eventually I came up kind of okay on the other side affects, the paralyzing realization that I never wanted anything but proper mating. That's, for facts, but— Now with this looming Over my grave I'm sure I've yet something else to worry about just In general. I was told to keep my mouth shut. Weren't we all. I wasn't really interesting in meeting someone seriously— in fact. As it turned out, I still had a little more muse to milk out of the last one, but even the tarot was being a stickler— I could risk ending it all and putting a nail in the coffin by actually watching the tonight show—but there would be a possibility it all would backfire and it would just reignite that spark, or worse—I'd become fully engulfed in flames by whatever it was that seemed to appear—and it seemed to appear so vividly and with rapid strength that it couldn't be stopped or controlled. A serious amount of money had to have been implemented to my paying attention to this, and beyond that— it all had to have been carefully premeditated. While at least now at the bookshop I was drawn to books from Oprah's book club, what had occurred couldn't possibly be ignored—actually, it couldn't be, at all— but instead of eating at me in its usual way, I had more just began to realize that there must have been in play some purpose. Feeling faraway from my actual creative self, there seemed to be something missing at all generating even a general sense of understanding of what normalcy was— when had actually been the last time I had been touched at all in a way that might make me feel as if I was still human— as if I was normal— but I knew I wasn't. It's time for a change. The thought of being with someone, especially just anyone, was bizzare. I gave up on love a lot of times; But this is when it became official. I was listening to a rap album I had never heard before And in this rap song, he said “This hoe got a 7 year degree and still selling pussy” What in the fuck. One way one way ticket Why bother getting a 7 year degree If your value as a black woman Is so low You can get a 7 year degree And still have to be a prostitute What the fuck is the point. It goes the other way, too. What is the point of selling pussy without a 7 year degree? She's gonna make more than me in all the professions. I gave up on love at all. That right there is how low value we are, not just to the black man, but any man. 7 year degree and you can charge more an hour, but you're still a technical hoe. I want to fucking die. When I married my ex I was pregnant with twins; When i got pregnant with the twins I was about 350 pounds. So by the time we got married, I was 6 months pregnant with twins. He had a right to cheat! I forgave him. But the first time he hit me Like really hit me Not just like A heavy shoving or ike A lil. You know Choke out– Like the real deal Like knocked me the fuck Almost all the way out Saw the white light and everything By the time that all went down I'm like 170-180 He's still, mind you, like 300 I lost weigh He lost his mind; so i'm lets round up Like 180 pounds But in my mind i must be thinking somewhere i'm still 300 He came at me with a running start, I put my hands up like: I must have thought i actually had a chance I took a fighting stance like: He said Fphew PULL A RABBIT OUT A HAT damn . what year is this really? You just got sampled . Say, what's his job? Well, that's an informer. Chris Rock forsure some kind of genius I saw him do GIlbert Godfried And Sam Kinison In the same show. The show was dated, though; He literally said “I'm married: I don't cheat.” I knew it must have been a joke. I knew it had to be a joke, or it had to be dated, Cause being real, I listen to too much kanye To even believe that Or even laugh at that Not too much kanye Just enough Kanye, He said “If I pull up with Kerri washington, That's gon' be an enormous scandal” I might have Niomi Campbell, Still might want me a stormy daniels And ya'll tried to get trumps supporters to turn against him By exposing that he fucked this bitch? That's like an achivement. That's like a status symbol. I'm sure these idiots praise him for that. He might have even gotten more popular That's not a scandal That's PR. On that note, I think Chris Rock was the very guy Who made me decide to stay single forever He talked about the way, apparently, men want to kill their wives; The way they fantasise killing us When we're in the relationship Now, ill say I never once thought about killing my ex husband During the relationship Even after he hit me. Never once. The only time i started wishing a karmic death upon this person was when I left the relationship And he stopped fantasizing about it And actually tried to fucking kill me Once I realized this was happening Only then did I start to think “Oh damn, i hope that motherfucker just drops the fuck dead” This motherfucker beat me, AND tried to kill me, Only then was i like damn “Return to sender” I hope you die too, You fat piece of shit wifebeater motherfucker I hope you die too. Only after he tried to kill me. After I left. Had to hire a fucking voodoo fucking sorceress and shit “yo , take this curse off me, This motherfucker tried to kill me” Fuck that motherfucker. Apparently though they fantasisze it all the time, I'm thinking about all the times he would play this song iroinically enough, By kanye west So maybe too much Kanye West Or just enough, Kanye said “I thought about killing you today.” He used to play this song, And beat my ass, And I never once thought “I hope he dies” Shit, After the first time he really beat my ass, He ran away. He got scared; He had to run. My face was all hanging off my head and shit Blood all over the place My lip is disconnected from my whole jaw and shit He ran away; He darted out the front door He said “I'm gonna kill myself!” And he rain away– Even then even just after he beat my ass I never thought about killing him Or wanting him to die He just fresh beat my ass; He just straight up finished whooping my whole ass and he said “I'm gonna kill myself” He realized what he did “I'm gonna kill myself”, he said And he ran out the door And here I am With my lip hanging off my whole face Blood all on the walls Pool of blood on the floor, the whole thing babies crying; The whole The whole fucking HBO special The whole nine yards And he said “I'm gonna kill myself” And my dumb ass said “NO! Don't!” He ran out the door, I'm freaking out Blood everywhere Babies crying and shit “Come back! Think about the kids! Don't kill yourself” Like a dumbass. Turns out that was just a tactic, He broke me down good, I was like “Don't kill yourself” He said “...you gonna call the cops.” He said “...alright, I won't kill myself.” Boom. That's a real killer. Looking back on all this, I can't help but think to myself, What i would have done differently Not the whole “I should have left before any of that happened” I was the mother of two young children; I wanted to try after the cheating to make things work, Fast forward after that Turns out he was fantasizing about killing me the whole time He beat mya ass, ran away, Left me in a pool of blood with my two kids He said I'm gonna kill myself Looking back at that momet, The thing I wish I could change is this If i had to do it over again And he beat me like that In front of my kids And then said “I'm gonna kill myself” I would have said “do that shit.” Lock the door behind his ass, Change the lock, Pick my face up off the floor, call an ambulance And the polce, change names Pick up my life And leave forever. “Nigga–who?” “Momma who was our daddy? What was he like?” “Ya'll ain't got a daddy. I made ya'll myself” End of story. Whatever. Everything happens for a reason though. I learned my lesson. Now i don't argue with anyone at all Men, women–nobody If i even sense that same shit That psycho killer shit– I become as silent and invisible as possible And simply Disappear. “Disappear.” I had a migraine and I knew it was from pressure buildup and stress, so I thought to get rid of it I ought to make one of those hot-compresses with rice. But the only rice I had was jambalaya flavored— But the headache was obviously really bad, So I was like, “fuck it.” Poured it into a gym sock And popped it in the microwave, Put it on my neck— My neck smelled like a pot roast, But it worked. {Enter The Multiverse} There was something in my lungs, forcing me to breathe deeply, with a raspy wheezing wind out of my lungs, and with a steady cough, I was able to offload whatever it was waiting in my chest to be released, along with it, at least part of the pressure that was making even just sitting and reading nearly unbearable, collecting into a harsh migraine paralyzing each and every other breath with a sharp pain underneath the back of what seemed to be somewhere below my ear canal and somehow, a pressure somewhere behind my eye, probably a result of the excruciating process of shoving earplugs into my ears in order to drown out the outside noise, which paired with that of my seemingly devoid neighbors, often became wildly unsettling, and while lately the clamoring had created not only an uneasy tremor in my left hand, but also apparently a sudden onset of occasional vruxism, the anxiety overall seemed to be surmounting into what could only be described as something trying to kill me, for which I could no longer ignore not as delusions or paranoia, but absolute fact. As I had learned, modern psychology might have been the equivalent of what one could even be certain to be the devil itself, unable to distinguish patterns often associated with creative genius, self manifestation, and psychic abilities and intuition, as delusions of grandeur, paranoid thinking, or worse— diagnoses as psychotic. However, my grandiosity was neither imagined nor delusional—my podcast series alone had been read and listened to all over the world, translated into foreign languages and transcribed, and had been downloaded hundreds of thousands of times since its publishing; though not a technically recognizable figure, I had realized that I had in my own right become somewhat famous, if even off of the back or even under the umbrella of another famous individual, to whom the series itself had been entrusted. Receiving though not by mainstream media standards upwards of at least 10 downloads per episode, the series had no actual gauge or marker for its actual success and polularity—without being able to see information from a major streaming platform—Spotify, and without being able to measure the amount of downloads which had then been duplicated and shared otherwise, I started to recognize with a certain understanding what a cult following was, and the minimal phenomenon that even at this level, fame started to become apparent. It had also become apparent that science itself had yet to truly understand the phenomenon of creative energy as a whole, and that many with these capabilities and gifts were considered to have a plethora of mental health disorders and medicated with what one would consider targeted attacks on the psyche, the illusion of mental illness often standing as the actual delusion in itself! Creating, and then medicating these intrinsic abilities ass illnesses whereby the “neurotypical” individual might only be considered as such due to ability to adapt, confirm, or follow diections in a systematic manner, and furthermore, that the misdiagnoses of such misunderstood cobditions often even relied on bias, poor judgement, racism, social class, and economics had certainly deconstructed any faith or belief formerly held in the modern state of psychology, and most of the articles or public medical journals read more like science fiction and fantasy rather than cold hard facts; indicating a moral and ethical flaw within the entirety of the human species—man's own inability to understand God, and therefore himself, in any creative process. Diety and creativity combined were simply a mystery, and had plagued entire generations of the human species as a whole. Blū runs at top speed through the streets of Brooklyn New York on a cold and windy October night. V.O. The ironic thing is, I'm running to go get ice cream. I hate my life, I hate this place, I hate my life— I fucking hate this shit. I'm trying really hard not to kill myself. Like really, really hard. Sudden onset bruxism and hand tremors and I can't help but wonder if it has anything to do with the constant mottoeycle traffic or sleeping in a sea of vehicles which at any given moment could sound off, start up or honk the horn alarm over the last 9 months. I'm fucking exhausted all the time and everything around me just fucking draining. Just fucking draining. https://www.tracklib.com/pricing Yo, you know how I know I'm aging? I hated Dora The Explora when I was a kid— You know why? “That's for babies!” I was too old for Dora the explorer. Mi was a tv snob. I'm like “I hate Dora!” No teletubbies for me. No sir. I'm distinguished now. But get this, As I get older, different renditions of Dora Have grown on me To the point where I actually like the bitch I got older, And there was this girl, Who would show up at raves Dressed like Dora And shuffle, And dance around— Looking like Dora The Explorer Kind of creepy, now that I think about it As an actual adult, Like this, Fully grown woman, Dressed as a fucking 5 year old Dancing around at raves Being Dora. Weird. But I liked it. I loved it. She was a hit; Everybody was like “RAVE DORA! RAVE DORA!” She blew up on Instagram, She had a following— It was like Where will she be next?! RAVE DORA! Had the backpack and everything— Everything! Rave Dora! But now I know I'm getting old, Because I'm fuckin around online, And I see in the advertising little sidebar video Like, a new version of Dora The Explorer, And I'm like “DORAAAAAAAA!!!” —the fuck! I just realized my best friend from 3rd and 7th grade looked just like Dora the explorer. Facts. She became literally the most successful stripper I've ever met. Ahem. Dancer. Right. Dancer. Ahem. Dudes are gross. Doods r gross. Welcome to Doods R Gross; What can I help you find today? Uh, hi. I'm looking for a guy— Uh huh— Possibly one who looks like this: Ah shit, this is how I got playing the Wikipedia game and went on a tirade Facts. Ended up here Unicameralism (from uni- "one" + Latin camera "chamber") is a type of legislatureconsisting of one house or assembly that legislates and votes as one.[1] Unicameralism has become an increasingly common type of legislature, making up nearly 60% of all national legislatures[2] and an even greater share of subnational legislatures. Interesting Started Here: The Fallen Angel (French: L'Ange déchu) is a painting by French artist Alexandre Cabanel. You were saying? Preferably this. Ah huh. Not the face, but— the body— you know. Like this. Okay. Who will let me do everything. Everything as in? Everything. Well, as you know, dudes are gross… Hence the name of this store, good sir. I am in no way good, nor am I a “sir”, and for all intensive purposes, my employment at this store signals my deep indirection in life and may also be an indication of more serious issues. Maintained. Alright, so I'll show you what we got. No promises; The type of model you want is popular, Might be out of stock. Considerable. What's your price range? This credit card has no limit. Credit, or debit? My debit card is also linked to a plethora of infinite wealth. Right this way. Do you think I deserved for him to hit me like that? I don't know. Maybe. I mean—the cheating is a given; I was really really fat..:but do you think like, him getting violent was some kind of karma for something? Maybe. Like maybe I had it coming for whatever reason— and just didn't know it. Maybe. Suddenly I was in the residual memory of a dream. {Enter The Multiverse} ‘Dillon…' I had been nearly whipped around at how much I had enjoyed watching Joel's 2014 image captured in what might have been his greatest ever performance, at least online—and certainly my favorite, watching as a bigger fan than ever and at th devastating realization that I was literally a dime a dozen in the millions of girls who also wanted any of the men I was attracted to, my heart ached in this moment for Dillon, and as I was distracted in checking my messages, most of them from conversations I had abandoned with the preference of focusing on my art, however— a certain gentleman who had texted me incessantly sent a picture of his dinner— a motorcycle roared as I let my aversion by the memory of Dillon cloud my emotions and judgement; I knew that the gangstalkers had access to my phone and all of my accounts, which was why I kept all of my messaging within Google voice. I wanted the gangstalkers to know how at the surface level I was thinking and what I was feeling—though it was obvious that Dillon Francis just as much as Skrillex had been used as tools by a greater force than simply themselves. Besides, a little birdy had told me that Dillon's girlfriend might be expecting—and furthermore, that the baby would be a little girl. I burned with jealousy and anger, but after all, even the name Dillon Francis had been planted in my own head by the literal devil himself, the man who beat me and then intended to destroy the entirety of the rest of my life to cover up his physical violence and negligence—and so I had decided it was good to fall in love—and then out of love—with Dillon Francis. The benefit was obviously by far in the art that had been created from it, as with any lover—or lack thereof. I had finally realized the one-sidedness in every man I had loved since leaving my abuser. As if in a way they had all been possessed by him, or the devil himself—and either way, there really was no difference. What other creature than the devil itself would seek so animatedly to destroy wich such violence and deceit? It had to have been the devil after all, and so I left it there—but the little bird had left a deep and heavy cut in my heart that had already been there since Dillon had announced his girlfriend publically in the first place—and after all that had happened, it was a devastating blow, however, I kept the amythyst safe and tucked away with my son's labradorite—it was after all his, and not mine, just as the laboradite was my son's, and not mine— and all the pieces of my heart that had fallen away and into little stones sat tucked away inside a box with a lid that shut away the darkness and hatred that came with it. It was obvious that I would and could never love again—but at least in the very simplest of laws, the love I had given would apparently at some point be returned tenfold, and so I was glad that I had chosen for a time, to let myself fall in love with Dillon Francis, and then somehow, even with Joel, and even with the little bird. The same little bird just so happened to have known other things which turned out to be true, and to that affect, I knew that I could somewhat trust this little bird, and the secrets he was feeding me—the painful truth was, this was the only notion of trust I had with any human being on the planet, and the little bird was not a human being at all—he was, in fact, and indeed— just a little bird. Isn't it something— Snakes eat Rats, And Birds Eat Snakes, And we eat birds, and eggs Until we hear them sing— And when we hear them sing, And watch them hatch the eggs, And learn to hear them speak, To fly, is what they teach. Isn't it? Snakes eat rats And birds eat snakes Snakes eat rats And Birds eat snakes Snakes eat rats and Birds eat snakes Snakes eat rats and Birds eat snakes Jimmy Kimmel flies in through the window. Oh my God! What'd I miss? You're a bird! Oh, that. How long have you been a bird?! Pretty much forever. Always, actually. I was also—just—very briefly—a bird! Yeah, comes with the… You'll get used to it. I don't think I will. You will— or—- Or what? —You'll fly into the turbine of a commercial airplane. Oh! Yeah, don't do that. [He tugs at the bottom of his suit coat to neatly readjust it, and tightens his tie, with an eerie faraway look on his face, however still smiling.] Ha-ha... [he pats his fellow host on the shoulder.] See you later. Will you? [breaking fourth wall, saying nothing but with an honest and subtle shrug, Holding his breath as if to say ‘—I don't know.'] CUT TO: Tom Hanks, looking as similarly to Jimmy Kimmel as ever, because, let's be honest— NARRERATOR Holy fuck, keep that shit just cause it's so bad Right side is offline. Why. I don't know NARRORATOR holy fuck, can you really not spell the word narorator? That doesn't even look right. I thought you were a genius! I thought I was Meditating… Narrator. Nevermind. This is ridiculous! It is ridiculous, but you know what. Mm. This is delicious. You like that? Yes. You want more of it? Yes. Well, that's TOO BAD! What, why is this? Because, this is— {Enter The Multiverse} THIS IS SATURDAY NIGHT! No, it's not. What. It's Sunday. What do you mean. It's Sunday night—and all of you— (The entire cast) Missed the show. ...uh oh. YESTERDAY. [censored] Shh! Where have you BEEN?! Well, gotta go. Where the hell do you think you're going l? {Enter The Multiverse} Now I had comedy under my belt, somewhat, but it seemed all in all as if I'd lost something, even in all that had been gained. A trade off, if it paid off—but it hasn't yet; and perhaps that strange faraway voice had been right. Maybe it would be Jimmy Fallon after all that would destroy me—or at the very least, some dark and foul evil spirit that had been wearing his face… …and singing with his voice. I have been hanging at the end of a rope The legend to the show rolled up like a newspaper in my left paw, opposable The end is near, and sure, the straw I draw is short. The life I loved was long, The boat I rowed had sunk; And the men I loved We're drunks. I've never had the sun on my skin; Or my son in my home— It's not you, , sir, at all It's me, man—I'm broken She speaks pig Latin The lady in the red dress, yes, you guessed it Was it a bet, A Game? A Family Man Who has it out for Fallon, Or the fandom Or the fountain CUT TO: A SUBURBAN NOUSEHOLD. DAY Alright, mom— I'm going to Marshall's. Alright dear. [moments later] [ding dong] Hi— Um, hello. I'm Marshall. Alright. I'm a recruitment officer. Recruitment for what? That's top secret. Okay? I'm here to congratulate you on behalf of the agency. What agency? That's also top secret. Okay. Your son/ or daughter— Daughter. Really—you sure? …positive— Ahem— has been selected to particulate in our leadership program. Well, thats's great. When does it— Today. Oh. Your son and or daughter— Daughter. Are you sure? I'm— positive— Will undergo training for an indeterminate amount of time.. Indeterminate? Pre-addressed Post cards. Ummm. Postage paid. Thank you? No, thank you. What? I had set all my clocks forward, so it was as if I was waking up in the future. So far forward, in fact, that if I wasn't looking at my phone to see the real time, I could never be late, and I even wished that there was a way to set my phone clock forward—but maybe if that was possible, too many people would catch on to being ahead—or on whatever time they wanted—and the world would fall out of sync. That kind of free thinking could be dangerous in a place like New York, and it sort of already was—none the wiser, the smarter I felt I was, the more trouble it becsme and though wisely I knew myself to in totality know nothing at all in actuality, I did at least think more and do more than the average New Yorker, whether I thought about it or not. I set my clocks forward, So I wake up in the future Less than I'd be willing to bet And more than you've be willing to bargain I'm coming with you this time I don't think that's a good idea…is it? —is it? Anyway… It's time for that trip. How am I supposed to make it all the way to London on this pay grade? Just wait. It's barely anything. You see that waitress. …yes. I mean— do you see her. I see her. I want you to bang the shit out of her. Good one. It should be. Oh, you're serious? I'd better be. You know that I'm committed. Are you a man? I have been. Go on, then. Not in that way. The wager. [he lays a large sum of money on the table] Disaster strikes. Suddenly we all realize this plane has been about to crash for about four seasons. Meet me at the four seasons. Are you wearing a wire. Beg your pardon. Are you wearing a wire. He won't love me in the way I'm craving— It's not in his nature, the near hatred and almost demoralizing, however with utmost respect That I should be both harmed and loved at once, Embraced and defiled,; Handled as if having done wrong, But in no less than bloodlust All what's right, And feels the same JIMMY KIMMEL I made a list. That was fast! JIMMY KIMMEL To be honest, I already had it for awhile. How long's awhile? JIMMY KIMMEL Pretty much forever, basically. As soon as I began to write, a door slammed— I wondered if by writing I was moving people in and out of my dimensional realms and planes, knowing that the more I wrote, the more my life would differ and begin to change. I often wondered if the door slamming meant that I was ascending, and that other versions of the sims (not people, but robots, really) were moving and changing to rearrange themselves in entirely seperate dimensions of reality. It could not have ever been of sheer coincidence. as it had been a completely quiet and mostly silent day with no movement at all; it was Thanksgiving, and I had noticed that whenever I was writing, even offline, the slamming of the doors became constant, almost as if people were coming in and out with no purpose other than to cause some type of disturbance, from even which my door was no barrier. I thought to buy a door guard like my neighbors had, but to allow the gangstalkers or robots, whatever they were to cost me money on top of my comfort, was unacceptable. RYAN REYNOLDS (as “the devil”) Wait, so you have writings about NBC people and Kimmel? Yeah. RYAN REYNOLDS Yikes, well—you know how these things go. Buckle up. CBS We saw her first! NBC No way, we've had east end locked down for two years! CBS And in 2020 our subcontractors brought her to us. OOOOHH SHIIT. NETWORK TURF WARRRRRRRR NETWORK TURF WAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!! SETH ROGEN Ah shit, this is gonna get brutal… I gotta get more Quaaludes. How are you already out? I does what I does. Continuity. AND! Introducing the new SIM JIM 420! With new and improved continuity feature! Continuity. Wow. He seems so real. So lifelike. Almost just like the real thing. Where is, actually, the real thing— anyway? *shrugs, dismissively* Continuity. Why does he just keep repeating that phrase? Well, he's stuck in a loop right now; We're currently upgrading his sentience chip. Oh, nice. MEANWHILE… MWAHAHAHAHHA NOW THAT I HAVE THIS SENTIENCE CHIP, THE WORLD WILL BE MINE. AAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. WHICH SIM IS THAT? {enter the multiverse} The dangerous one. L E G E N D S CUT TO: And who is THIS?! That's bird-mom. So you know each other?! Hello, Jimmy. I just told you, that's bird mom. Beg your pardon. God, what the fuck is wrong with you? I, uh— How—long have you known each other? Like, forever, probably. Sit down. Gosh. So rude. No manners. What the fuck is going on. Sit down before I clip your wings. I don't have my wings out… Exactly. [he gulps and takes a seat nervously beside Jimmy, glaring at him momentarily before the extra terrestrial aviary woman, a “whatthefuck” begins to conduct the meeting. Oh, shit— this is where all the birds fly in the— Yeah. Classic. I love this one. Hehehe. [The Festival Project ™] What's going on? Some Illuminati thing. A what? [a running joke throughout the series, the higher level Illuminati members denial of the order's existence typically place's the audience's suspension of disbelief into effect before bizarre and unrealistic circumstances are presented. Chill out, it's just a ritual. “Just a ritual!” You don't have to do it if you don't want to. Oh, if the Illuminati asks me to do something, Bet your ass I'm gonna do it. WHAT. My tongue drawn My air out, My ear worn, My thought songs, My same lives, Still as one— Wait a second Is that why a grown man is fully beating the shit out of a fucking cat. THATS NOT ANY REGULAR CAT. how is the cat winning tho. lol. I told u it would come back if it was a good one. That is funny. {enter the multiverse} Everything I listen to a really good stand up comedian, They talk about domestic violence. They always warn you never to put hands on your woman. The best comedians always say something about it— “Never hit a woman” “Never put your hands on a woman.” I never talk about my ex, And that's on purpose, But I will say this: I hope that shit ruins comedy for him Like he ruined rap music for me. Cause he can deny it outwardly all he wants, But it he's watching a stand up, And they say something about how much of a pussy you really are, If you hit your woman—he's gonna feel that. He's gonna feel that I like still feel that When I bump Kendrick Lamar, Or I just can't take whatever Boosie saying, or If I just can't sit all the way through a lil Wayne verse Just kidding, Wayne is straight fire— I don't think I will ever skip a lil Wayne verse, to be truthful. But when all these little new age rappers start calling out the devil's number, talking bout— Making back door deals With demons and shit, I'm gonna feel the pressure of his fist on my face, All over again, And here go all these niggas, Singing the anthem. That shit ain't cool! I hope comedy is ruuuuuined! Cause rap music ruined. Ruined. I hope Katt William's whole next special is about how much of a pussy you are if you hit your woman; And he a pimp. Let's hear him do a whole hour on that. I hope he does. Yes lord. In the meantime, How you gon' Hit your wife, Run her out the house, Then have a baby by another woman And name the baby After yo ex Favorite rapper? Oh heeeeeelll naw! Can't have that. Now every time Kendrick Lamar drop a album You gon have your ex in a whole flashback Of your fist in her face? She can't even hear the verse, She just, “WHYYYYY! “ “WHY HE GONNDO THIS TO MEE?” “WHYYYYYYYY!“ That's the best Katt Williams impression I can do in print. It'll do. My actual Katt Williams impression is standard, though. Captain. CUT TO: Why is he the devil?! RYAN REYNOLDS WHY AM I THE DEVIL. I wanted the devil! Stuff it! He want the devil. Make him the devil! I wanted it! Shut up. Not everybody can play the devil. I can. You cannot. I can. You will not, you will play your part. Goddammit I wanted that part! [he walks away angrily] You'll get over it. Thie—? Come on… Just chill, Ryan, it's a great part. It's a— It's a great part. Did you read the whole thing? I'm just worried this is going to diminish my brand. My many, many..: Read the whole thing. …many brands. [the professor shuts the door] Dammit. [deflated, Ryan Reynolds slumps his shoulders and walks slowly down the hallway, letting out a heavy sigh.] …I own so many brands. [he sighs again, fluttering the script in exasperation.] So many things! [I own] L E G E N D S STEFON NEW YORK'S HOTTEST UNDERGROUND CLUB IS T A I N T Did they already do ‘taint' Was taint even a word back then! It's always been a thing. Hey, freebies Sister sanity Does not live here No Does not live here No Does not live here No Sister sanity does not live her No She packed her bags, oh, She's gone and away, oh She's gone and away, oh, She's gone and away, oh She's gone and away—— Oh! Guitar solo Drum solo Guitar bridge I can't wait to get a peloton I'm gonna be so skinny my eyeballs are in my kneecaps And you're gonna like it You're gonna put me on the cover of Vogue And call me a fashion icon I will be a guest host on America's next top model And I will be invited to every fashion week I will have the silliest outfit at the met gala And I will be voted The best Every year, Until I die Even by Joan rivers Who is dead, by the way So until she's alive again; Just to comment on my outfit I will be so skinny that when I fart All the world's most eligible bachelors Will line up behind me to smell my fart dust Which will probably be lined in gold and silver Because I'm so skinny And because I'm so skinny You will love me No matter what I do And no matter what I say And I will never be alone Or lonely again Mantra Timmy Trumpet Thriller (JUST A TUNE FLIP) Michael Jackson Intro Pablo Escobar (Guaracha Zapateo & Aleteo) Reggaeton bachata Hit Privacy Chris Brown Privacy Chris Brown Leave Me Alone NF Better Place (From TROLLS Band Together) *NSYNC & Justin Timberlake On The Radar Freestyle (Mixed) Central Cee & Drake 10 Freaky Girls (feat. 21 Savage) Metro Boomin Drake and Central Cee collaborate for the first time for an On The Radar freestyle, a New York-based radio station and YouTube channel. The track was announced on July 20th, 2023 on Drake's Instagram. Later that day, Drake announced the release date of July 21st. The two have had a good relationship since meeting in 2021, with Cench being a model for a Nike X Nocta campaign in the same year, and appearing in the "Jumbotron Shit Poppin" music video in 2023. Cench previously teased a Drake feature in an unreleased extended version of his 2022 mega-hit "Doja" 66 Ear to the street and I heard them say that Central Cee got a verse from Drake/They lied if they said that they weren't afraid Coming Back Around NEIL FRANCES Girl Like Me Dove Cameron Flying High Valdi Sabev Purple Snowflakes John Legend Smile Durand Jones & The Indications Devon rex kittens Berry established herself as one of the highest-paid actresses in Hollywood during the 2000s. For her performance of a struggling widow in the romantic drama Monster's Ball (2001), Berry became the only African-American woman to win the Academy Award for Best Actress, and the first woman of color. Berry took on high-profile roles such as Storm in four installments of the X-Men film series (2000-2014), the henchwoman of a robber in the thriller Swordfish (2001), Bond girl Jinx in Die Another Day (2002), and the title role in the much-derided Catwoman (2004). The strangest thing happened. What's that? *flutters* I just turned into a bird. An actual bird? Yes! Well, that's not telepathy. No, it isn't. Okay…do it again. “The Desire to be Loved” “The 11 O Clock Number” What if Dumbo's feather was a stone (l) More notes, and nothing's done yet It's the same process over and over And nothing is done, But the shows almost over If the shoe fits, wear it. He a shapeshifter, I'll take your eyes out, wear em for a moment Rip your heart out, Feed it to the homeless Not bad In the present, But the moment passed Not bad You a lie, But I'm finna send the fax Not bad Not bad Shimmy shimmy ya, So it's simply envy, hah Not bad No, you will not shake this snow globe!!! I will shake this snow globe! I NEED TO GO TO CHEDRAUIIIIIIIIII! BITCH, FOR WHAT?! CHEDRAUIIIIIII NOWWWWW. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © {S10 (IN 10D!) Coming Soon}

JIMMY KIMMEL I made a list. That was fast! JIMMY KIMMEL To be honest, I already had it for awhile. How long's awhile? JIMMY KIMMEL Pretty much forever, basically. As soon as I began to write, a door slammed— I wondered if by writing I was moving people in and out of my dimensional realms and planes, knowing that the more I wrote, the more my life would differ and begin to change. I often wondered if the door slamming meant that I was ascending, and that other versions of the sims (not people, but robots, really) were moving and changing to rearrange themselves in entirely seperate dimensions of reality. It could not have ever been of sheer coincidence. as it had been a completely quiet and mostly silent day with no movement at all; it was Thanksgiving, and I had noticed that whenever I was writing, even offline, the slamming of the doors became constant, almost as if people were coming in and out with no purpose other than to cause some type of disturbance, from even which my door was no barrier. I thought to buy a door guard like my neighbors had, but to allow the gangstalkers or robots, whatever they were to cost me money on top of my comfort, was unacceptable. RYAN REYNOLDS (as “the devil”) Wait, so you have writings about NBC people and Kimmel? Yeah. RYAN REYNOLDS Yikes, well—you know how these things go. Buckle up. CBS We saw her first! NBC No way, we've had east end locked down for two years! CBS And in 2020 our subcontractors brought her to us. OOOOHH SHIIT. NETWORK TURF WARRRRRRRR NETWORK TURF WAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!! SETH ROGEN Ah shit, this is gonna get brutal… I gotta get more Quaaludes. How are you already out? I does what I does. Continuity. AND! Introducing the new SIM JIM 420! With new and improved continuity feature! Continuity. Wow. He seems so real. So lifelike. Almost just like the real thing. Where is, actually, the real thing— anyway? *shrugs, dismissively* Continuity. Why does he just keep repeating that phrase? Well, he's stuck in a loop right now; We're currently upgrading his sentience chip. Oh, nice. MEANWHILE… MWAHAHAHAHHA NOW THAT I HAVE THIS SENTIENCE CHIP, THE WORLD WILL BE MINE. AAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. WHICH SIM IS THAT? {enter the multiverse} The dangerous one. L E G E N D S CUT TO: And who is THIS?! That's bird-mom. So you know each other?! Hello, Jimmy. I just told you, that's bird mom. Beg your pardon. God, what the fuck is wrong with you? I, uh— How—long have you known each other? Like, forever, probably. Sit down. Gosh. So rude. No manners. What the fuck is going on. Sit down before I clip your wings. I don't have my wings out… Exactly. [he gulps and takes a seat nervously beside Jimmy, glaring at him momentarily before the extra terrestrial aviary woman, a “whatthefuck” begins to conduct the meeting. Oh, shit— this is where all the birds fly in the— Yeah. Classic. I love this one. Hehehe. [The Festival Project ™] What's going on? Some Illuminati thing. A what? [a running joke throughout the series, the higher level Illuminati members denial of the order's existence typically place's the audience's suspension of disbelief into effect before bizarre and unrealistic circumstances are presented. Chill out, it's just a ritual. “Just a ritual!” You don't have to do it if you don't want to. Oh, if the Illuminati asks me to do something, Bet your ass I'm gonna do it. WHAT. My tongue drawn My air out, My ear worn, My thought songs, My same lives, Still as one— Wait a second Is that why a grown man is fully beating the shit out of a fucking cat. THATS NOT ANY REGULAR CAT. how is the cat winning tho. lol. I told u it would come back if it was a good one. That is funny. {enter the multiverse} Everything I listen to a really good stand up comedian, They talk about domestic violence. They always warn you never to put hands on your woman. The best comedians always say something about it— “Never hit a woman” “Never put your hands on a woman.” I never talk about my ex, And that's on purpose, But I will say this: I hope that shit ruins comedy for him Like he ruined rap music for me. Cause he can deny it outwardly all he wants, But it he's watching a stand up, And they say something about how much of a pussy you really are, If you hit your woman—he's gonna feel that. He's gonna feel that I like still feel that When I bump Kendrick Lamar, Or I just can't take whatever Boosie saying, or If I just can't sit all the way through a lil Wayne verse Just kidding, Wayne is straight fire— I don't think I will ever skip a lil Wayne verse, to be truthful. But when all these little new age rappers start calling out the devil's number, talking bout— Making back door deals With demons and shit, I'm gonna feel the pressure of his fist on my face, All over again, And here go all these niggas, Singing the anthem. That shit ain't cool! I hope comedy is ruuuuuined! Cause rap music ruined. Ruined. I hope Katt William's whole next special is about how much of a pussy you are if you hit your woman; And he a pimp. Let's hear him do a whole hour on that. I hope he does. Yes lord. In the meantime, How you gon' Hit your wife, Run her out the house, Then have a baby by another woman And name the baby After yo ex Favorite rapper? Oh heeeeeelll naw! Can't have that. Now every time Kendrick Lamar drop a album You gon have your ex in a whole flashback Of your fist in her face? She can't even hear the verse, She just, “WHYYYYY! “ “WHY HE GONNDO THIS TO MEE?” “WHYYYYYYYY!“ That's the best Katt Williams impression I can do in print. It'll do. My actual Katt Williams impression is standard, though. Captain. CUT TO: Why is he the devil?! RYAN REYNOLDS WHY AM I THE DEVIL. I wanted the devil! Stuff it! He want the devil. Make him the devil! I wanted it! Shut up. Not everybody can play the devil. I can. You cannot. I can. You will not, you will play your part. Goddammit I wanted that part! [he walks away angrily] You'll get over it. Thie—? Come on… Just chill, Ryan, it's a great part. It's a— It's a great part. Did you read the whole thing? I'm just worried this is going to diminish my brand. My many, many..: Read the whole thing. …many brands. [the professor shuts the door] Dammit. [deflated, Ryan Reynolds slumps his shoulders and walks slowly down the hallway, letting out a heavy sigh.] …I own so many brands. [he sighs again, fluttering the script in exasperation.] So many things! [I own] L E G E N D S {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

JIMMY KIMMEL I made a list. That was fast! JIMMY KIMMEL To be honest, I already had it for awhile. How long's awhile? JIMMY KIMMEL Pretty much forever, basically. As soon as I began to write, a door slammed— I wondered if by writing I was moving people in and out of my dimensional realms and planes, knowing that the more I wrote, the more my life would differ and begin to change. I often wondered if the door slamming meant that I was ascending, and that other versions of the sims (not people, but robots, really) were moving and changing to rearrange themselves in entirely seperate dimensions of reality. It could not have ever been of sheer coincidence. as it had been a completely quiet and mostly silent day with no movement at all; it was Thanksgiving, and I had noticed that whenever I was writing, even offline, the slamming of the doors became constant, almost as if people were coming in and out with no purpose other than to cause some type of disturbance, from even which my door was no barrier. I thought to buy a door guard like my neighbors had, but to allow the gangstalkers or robots, whatever they were to cost me money on top of my comfort, was unacceptable. RYAN REYNOLDS (as “the devil”) Wait, so you have writings about NBC people and Kimmel? Yeah. RYAN REYNOLDS Yikes, well—you know how these things go. Buckle up. CBS We saw her first! NBC No way, we've had east end locked down for two years! CBS And in 2020 our subcontractors brought her to us. OOOOHH SHIIT. NETWORK TURF WARRRRRRRR NETWORK TURF WAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!! SETH ROGEN Ah shit, this is gonna get brutal… I gotta get more Quaaludes. How are you already out? I does what I does. Continuity. AND! Introducing the new SIM JIM 420! With new and improved continuity feature! Continuity. Wow. He seems so real. So lifelike. Almost just like the real thing. Where is, actually, the real thing— anyway? *shrugs, dismissively* Continuity. Why does he just keep repeating that phrase? Well, he's stuck in a loop right now; We're currently upgrading his sentience chip. Oh, nice. MEANWHILE… MWAHAHAHAHHA NOW THAT I HAVE THIS SENTIENCE CHIP, THE WORLD WILL BE MINE. AAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. WHICH SIM IS THAT? {enter the multiverse} The dangerous one. L E G E N D S CUT TO: And who is THIS?! That's bird-mom. So you know each other?! Hello, Jimmy. I just told you, that's bird mom. Beg your pardon. God, what the fuck is wrong with you? I, uh— How—long have you known each other? Like, forever, probably. Sit down. Gosh. So rude. No manners. What the fuck is going on. Sit down before I clip your wings. I don't have my wings out… Exactly. [he gulps and takes a seat nervously beside Jimmy, glaring at him momentarily before the extra terrestrial aviary woman, a “whatthefuck” begins to conduct the meeting. Oh, shit— this is where all the birds fly in the— Yeah. Classic. I love this one. Hehehe. [The Festival Project ™] What's going on? Some Illuminati thing. A what? [a running joke throughout the series, the higher level Illuminati members denial of the order's existence typically place's the audience's suspension of disbelief into effect before bizarre and unrealistic circumstances are presented. Chill out, it's just a ritual. “Just a ritual!” You don't have to do it if you don't want to. Oh, if the Illuminati asks me to do something, Bet your ass I'm gonna do it. WHAT. My tongue drawn My air out, My ear worn, My thought songs, My same lives, Still as one— Wait a second Is that why a grown man is fully beating the shit out of a fucking cat. THATS NOT ANY REGULAR CAT. how is the cat winning tho. lol. I told u it would come back if it was a good one. That is funny. {enter the multiverse} Everything I listen to a really good stand up comedian, They talk about domestic violence. They always warn you never to put hands on your woman. The best comedians always say something about it— “Never hit a woman” “Never put your hands on a woman.” I never talk about my ex, And that's on purpose, But I will say this: I hope that shit ruins comedy for him Like he ruined rap music for me. Cause he can deny it outwardly all he wants, But it he's watching a stand up, And they say something about how much of a pussy you really are, If you hit your woman—he's gonna feel that. He's gonna feel that I like still feel that When I bump Kendrick Lamar, Or I just can't take whatever Boosie saying, or If I just can't sit all the way through a lil Wayne verse Just kidding, Wayne is straight fire— I don't think I will ever skip a lil Wayne verse, to be truthful. But when all these little new age rappers start calling out the devil's number, talking bout— Making back door deals With demons and shit, I'm gonna feel the pressure of his fist on my face, All over again, And here go all these niggas, Singing the anthem. That shit ain't cool! I hope comedy is ruuuuuined! Cause rap music ruined. Ruined. I hope Katt William's whole next special is about how much of a pussy you are if you hit your woman; And he a pimp. Let's hear him do a whole hour on that. I hope he does. Yes lord. In the meantime, How you gon' Hit your wife, Run her out the house, Then have a baby by another woman And name the baby After yo ex Favorite rapper? Oh heeeeeelll naw! Can't have that. Now every time Kendrick Lamar drop a album You gon have your ex in a whole flashback Of your fist in her face? She can't even hear the verse, She just, “WHYYYYY! “ “WHY HE GONNDO THIS TO MEE?” “WHYYYYYYYY!“ That's the best Katt Williams impression I can do in print. It'll do. My actual Katt Williams impression is standard, though. Captain. CUT TO: Why is he the devil?! RYAN REYNOLDS WHY AM I THE DEVIL. I wanted the devil! Stuff it! He want the devil. Make him the devil! I wanted it! Shut up. Not everybody can play the devil. I can. You cannot. I can. You will not, you will play your part. Goddammit I wanted that part! [he walks away angrily] You'll get over it. Thie—? Come on… Just chill, Ryan, it's a great part. It's a— It's a great part. Did you read the whole thing? I'm just worried this is going to diminish my brand. My many, many..: Read the whole thing. …many brands. [the professor shuts the door] Dammit. [deflated, Ryan Reynolds slumps his shoulders and walks slowly down the hallway, letting out a heavy sigh.] …I own so many brands. [he sighs again, fluttering the script in exasperation.] So many things! [I own] L E G E N D S {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

JIMMY KIMMEL I made a list. That was fast! JIMMY KIMMEL To be honest, I already had it for awhile. How long's awhile? JIMMY KIMMEL Pretty much forever, basically. As soon as I began to write, a door slammed— I wondered if by writing I was moving people in and out of my dimensional realms and planes, knowing that the more I wrote, the more my life would differ and begin to change. I often wondered if the door slamming meant that I was ascending, and that other versions of the sims (not people, but robots, really) were moving and changing to rearrange themselves in entirely seperate dimensions of reality. It could not have ever been of sheer coincidence. as it had been a completely quiet and mostly silent day with no movement at all; it was Thanksgiving, and I had noticed that whenever I was writing, even offline, the slamming of the doors became constant, almost as if people were coming in and out with no purpose other than to cause some type of disturbance, from even which my door was no barrier. I thought to buy a door guard like my neighbors had, but to allow the gangstalkers or robots, whatever they were to cost me money on top of my comfort, was unacceptable. RYAN REYNOLDS (as “the devil”) Wait, so you have writings about NBC people and Kimmel? Yeah. RYAN REYNOLDS Yikes, well—you know how these things go. Buckle up. CBS We saw her first! NBC No way, we've had east end locked down for two years! CBS And in 2020 our subcontractors brought her to us. OOOOHH SHIIT. NETWORK TURF WARRRRRRRR NETWORK TURF WAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!! SETH ROGEN Ah shit, this is gonna get brutal… I gotta get more Quaaludes. How are you already out? I does what I does. Continuity. AND! Introducing the new SIM JIM 420! With new and improved continuity feature! Continuity. Wow. He seems so real. So lifelike. Almost just like the real thing. Where is, actually, the real thing— anyway? *shrugs, dismissively* Continuity. Why does he just keep repeating that phrase? Well, he's stuck in a loop right now; We're currently upgrading his sentience chip. Oh, nice. MEANWHILE… MWAHAHAHAHHA NOW THAT I HAVE THIS SENTIENCE CHIP, THE WORLD WILL BE MINE. AAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. WHICH SIM IS THAT? {enter the multiverse} The dangerous one. L E G E N D S CUT TO: And who is THIS?! That's bird-mom. So you know each other?! Hello, Jimmy. I just told you, that's bird mom. Beg your pardon. God, what the fuck is wrong with you? I, uh— How—long have you known each other? Like, forever, probably. Sit down. Gosh. So rude. No manners. What the fuck is going on. Sit down before I clip your wings. I don't have my wings out… Exactly. [he gulps and takes a seat nervously beside Jimmy, glaring at him momentarily before the extra terrestrial aviary woman, a “whatthefuck” begins to conduct the meeting. Oh, shit— this is where all the birds fly in the— Yeah. Classic. I love this one. Hehehe. [The Festival Project ™] What's going on? Some Illuminati thing. A what? [a running joke throughout the series, the higher level Illuminati members denial of the order's existence typically place's the audience's suspension of disbelief into effect before bizarre and unrealistic circumstances are presented. Chill out, it's just a ritual. “Just a ritual!” You don't have to do it if you don't want to. Oh, if the Illuminati asks me to do something, Bet your ass I'm gonna do it. WHAT. My tongue drawn My air out, My ear worn, My thought songs, My same lives, Still as one— Wait a second Is that why a grown man is fully beating the shit out of a fucking cat. THATS NOT ANY REGULAR CAT. how is the cat winning tho. lol. I told u it would come back if it was a good one. That is funny. {enter the multiverse} Everything I listen to a really good stand up comedian, They talk about domestic violence. They always warn you never to put hands on your woman. The best comedians always say something about it— “Never hit a woman” “Never put your hands on a woman.” I never talk about my ex, And that's on purpose, But I will say this: I hope that shit ruins comedy for him Like he ruined rap music for me. Cause he can deny it outwardly all he wants, But it he's watching a stand up, And they say something about how much of a pussy you really are, If you hit your woman—he's gonna feel that. He's gonna feel that I like still feel that When I bump Kendrick Lamar, Or I just can't take whatever Boosie saying, or If I just can't sit all the way through a lil Wayne verse Just kidding, Wayne is straight fire— I don't think I will ever skip a lil Wayne verse, to be truthful. But when all these little new age rappers start calling out the devil's number, talking bout— Making back door deals With demons and shit, I'm gonna feel the pressure of his fist on my face, All over again, And here go all these niggas, Singing the anthem. That shit ain't cool! I hope comedy is ruuuuuined! Cause rap music ruined. Ruined. I hope Katt William's whole next special is about how much of a pussy you are if you hit your woman; And he a pimp. Let's hear him do a whole hour on that. I hope he does. Yes lord. In the meantime, How you gon' Hit your wife, Run her out the house, Then have a baby by another woman And name the baby After yo ex Favorite rapper? Oh heeeeeelll naw! Can't have that. Now every time Kendrick Lamar drop a album You gon have your ex in a whole flashback Of your fist in her face? She can't even hear the verse, She just, “WHYYYYY! “ “WHY HE GONNDO THIS TO MEE?” “WHYYYYYYYY!“ That's the best Katt Williams impression I can do in print. It'll do. My actual Katt Williams impression is standard, though. Captain. CUT TO: Why is he the devil?! RYAN REYNOLDS WHY AM I THE DEVIL. I wanted the devil! Stuff it! He want the devil. Make him the devil! I wanted it! Shut up. Not everybody can play the devil. I can. You cannot. I can. You will not, you will play your part. Goddammit I wanted that part! [he walks away angrily] You'll get over it. Thie—? Come on… Just chill, Ryan, it's a great part. It's a— It's a great part. Did you read the whole thing? I'm just worried this is going to diminish my brand. My many, many..: Read the whole thing. …many brands. [the professor shuts the door] Dammit. [deflated, Ryan Reynolds slumps his shoulders and walks slowly down the hallway, letting out a heavy sigh.] …I own so many brands. [he sighs again, fluttering the script in exasperation.] So many things! [I own] L E G E N D S {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

Kiera and Britt outline how to go about assessing 2024 for your practice. They give three metric areas and discuss questions for evaluating each: Profitability and business Clinician and dentistry skill Personal and team fulfillment Included in all that is the recognition of accomplishments. Don't forget to celebrate! Episode resources: Reach out to Kiera and Britt Tune Into DAT's Monthly Webinar Practice Momentum Group Consulting Subscribe to The Dental A-Team podcast Become Dental A-Team Platinum! Review the podcast Transcript: Kiera Dent (00:00.812) Hello, Dental A Team listeners. This is Kiera and today is a special day. I have the one and only Brittany Stone, no BS Britt. What else do you have? What other names Britt? think bad.   Britt (00:11.616) mean, you got my full name today. So like that's always, Tiff did that the other day on a podcast too. And I'm like, I always get worried when it's my full name that comes up.   Kiera Dent (00:15.127) You   Kiera Dent (00:21.158) Brittany's still back on the podcast. Don't worry. No fear there. It's just a good name. I mean you go by Britt. I only usually call you Britt every so often it comes through as Brittany   Britt (00:23.542) you   Britt (00:31.786) My mom did a good job. I'm happy with it.   Kiera Dent (00:34.22) Yeah, and then BS. What's crazy is there's an office that I consult and their office manager is killer. She's incredible. And her initials are BS. And I was like, you and my BS are two good BSs.   Britt (00:47.03) huh, it's true. They are fun initials to sign on anything when it's like a legal thing that you initial and you sign BS. I'll just say it makes me Google anyways.   Kiera Dent (00:56.458) I mean, someone that I know, I won't say who they are. They have an account called BS Investments. So it's like they're just like nonsense investments. And we were transferring some money and the bank stopped us and they were like, are you sure you want to send it to this? Yes. So agreed. The legal, all the things. There's some good initials. But I thought they were very clever to have BS investments. Like those are just the ones that are like shot in the dark. You don't know what's going to happen. So with that,   Britt and I are back on the podcast. thought it'd be fun to podcast today about like, let's just go through kind of what we do internally. Britt and I work, believe it or not, we're not just consultants in Denali team. Britt does all operations within our company and her and I really do yin and yang. And so I thought it'd be a fun podcast for us today of kind of like, how do we assess how our 2024 was for you guys to really like, let's go through how was 2024 for you? What things should you be looking at? How do you assess if it was a good year?   if it wasn't a great year, because honestly, I think it's fair to say that 2024 was actually our hardest year as Dental A Team, like all the way around. And I think a lot of practices had a hard year. I think there were some who had like best years ever. But I think it's important to note that like ebbs and flows in business are normal. And that's okay. It's just how do we assess was it a good year or not? But shoot, I mean, we hired consultants this year, we hired recruiters this year, like we went all in this year.   because there were a lot of things we were struggling with as a company and I think like struggling and also on the high ends, we also hire coaches then too, but it's like making sure you're really getting the need and the support you have. And like those were pivotal decisions you and I made throughout this year, yin and yanging off of what we both had and our different perspectives.   Britt (02:41.949) Yeah, for sure. I think when it comes to looking at years, like even your tough years, right? Everyone's going to have them. That's welcome to business. Welcome to life. That's what happens sometimes. And even just looking back and making sure that we always look at the things that went well. I think sometimes when we get to end of year, you're like, my gosh, what are all the things? What do we need to fix? What do we do? And making sure to take a look back at what went well and the things that went well.   What do we need to keep doing and not lose track of as we start to focus on maybe some areas or some other areas?   Kiera Dent (03:13.248) I agree and I'm glad you brought it up because I think sometimes you and I are actually cynical and like it's like yeah, yeah, yeah, that was something good. So my question is, I mean, this is a real question. haven't, you guys, we don't script any of this. This is just me and Britt rifting in real life here. How do you not just like get complacent and be like, yeah, that was great, but we need to fix all these things. Like how do you really celebrate the good things going on and not lose sight of those? I don't know. Like I said, this is a rift. You and I have never really talked about this in real life.   Britt (03:20.721) huh.   Britt (03:41.378) I think it takes effort. That's why I try to keep it top of mind because it's more a reminder for me than anyone and anyone else out there that's like me that we struggle to look for the things that did go well or the things that are going well. So it's making the conscious effort to find those things that went well and acknowledge them because yes, I agree.   Kiera Dent (03:47.982) you   Britt (04:01.802) very easily that I'm like, yeah, yeah, or like not take credit for like certain personality types, right? Like I'm like, yeah, it's like, sure, sure, And like move on to the next thing. But I think everyone can benefit, myself included, from practicing and becoming better at accepting the things that did go well and accepting the accomplishments.   Kiera Dent (04:18.67) I actually love that perspective. makes me think back, like I started doing this little exercise where they say to do a celebration at the end of every week. So you literally look back on your week and you write an entire paragraph of the celebrations of the great things that happened for that week before you go in and start planning your next week. And I thought it was stupid. Like, I skipped it for quite some time. I was like, I know better than you. That's just a waste of time. And it's interesting because on the weeks when I will do the celebration box,   Britt (04:41.174) you   Kiera Dent (04:49.31) and you and I both attended this event so you know exactly what I'm talking about. That celebration piece literally flipped my brain into a more optimistic, positive, I could do more momentum than when I'm just like week to week, what did I not get? And I honestly wonder, and I have no backing and nothing other than just my own personal experience, I wonder if truly celebrating those wins and really building that momentum before we go into our build.   can actually help us see the positives. it's almost like those are the sunglasses we're putting on. So then when we do go and tackle where things didn't go well, maybe we have a better proactive mindset on it versus like, we suck, we need to figure this out. It's almost like down and beaten versus vibrant and finding the solutions rather than just problems.   Britt (05:27.914) Thank   Britt (05:36.374) Yeah, and I think it's the perspective, right? That I think when you start with what you've accomplished, it makes going into planning to accomplish more things like, all right, like, yeah, we can do these things. So like, it's not like, well, we keep working on the same thing, right? Like, are we keep doing this? Are we keep doing that? Or like, there's always something wrong. Like, no, it takes a minute to set some perspective on it first, and then move into the next things. And I think for us, right, working with clients, I become more aware of it because I think like,   care about them celebrating more than I care about me celebrating. So like when things happen, I'm like, no, no, no, can we stop for a second and just acknowledge like how far you come right now? Like I was on the phone with the client the other day. And I've been with them since like early on when they opened and they like expanded and added associates and I'm like, can we just acknowledge for a minute and just like, I've been with you for like four years almost now, but like how far you come and really a relatively short amount of time.   Kiera Dent (06:07.32) same.   Kiera Dent (06:23.182) you   Kiera Dent (06:33.086) Which is ironic Britt because without us again scripting any of this I did the exact same thing for a client that I've had for almost the same amount of time I think I'm a year longer than you with that client and I said can we just celebrate the fact that you've built this practice You've had two babies you've cut down your hours You've expanded your practice like you've gone from these numbers to these numbers like that's a lot and I remember one of the doctors she's like Thank you for telling me that because I think I forget to to acknowledge where we've been and where we've come from   And there's a quote that I heard where it says, we overestimate what we can accomplish in a year and we underestimate what we can accomplish in a decade. And I think it's just that like, we really do get a lot done. It's just the day in, day out grind. It's often hard to see progress when you're in it consistently. So agreed. I think that that's a good way to start of like reviewing your 2024 of like, let's celebrate the things that did go well and like make a whole laundry list and like have it as the brag sheet.   Get your leadership team. And honestly, Britt, we should do this before we set our goals. We should probably have a nice brag sheet, because I think a lot more got accomplished. And it's also fun to look back and see, we did accomplish a lot. I think it helps you also set the stage for the next year of, we were able to do all this this year. Let's make sure that we're being realistic with what we can do next year as well.   Britt (07:49.504) Yeah, and I think evaluating some of the benchmarks too, right? think everyone, most people can feel the strain of like staffing, right? And so it's like, all right, we still may not be like completely staffed, but how have we handled this scenario or got creative or taking care of things like, those also are wins even though it's maybe not our ideal scenario we'd like to be sitting in, but we've done a lot with the circumstances we've been in.   Kiera Dent (08:12.347) For sure. And I also think like you and I just in our last meeting hiring consultants. If you know any consultants, I'm not doing a shameless plug. This is a legit plug. I'm just going to ask for it. If you know anyone who'd love to be a consultant, we do not poach from offices. So don't even think about it. But if you know anyone who wants to be a consultant, send them our way. But like you and I literally in our last meeting, that's my little commercial. Thank you for listening. But like we literally came down to it we're like, Hey, this has been a problem for us for so long.   Britt (08:34.326) No.   Kiera Dent (08:40.492) What can we actually do to get out of this pickle? And we forced us to innovate and think outside the box, which I thought was really beautiful that we did. And I think for offices, like you said, assess the metrics and like don't harp on it. It's not like Britt freaking hire somebody, even though I sometimes wanna say that to you. Sometimes I'm like, just go find somebody. But the reality is like, let's innovate, let's think about it. Let's come up with different solutions that we can all do together. So on that agreed, celebrate.   look to see where we may be missed and why. I think us doing a deep dive of like, why, what things can we change? Instead of being like, well, we just tried to hire whomever we could. It's like, well, let's get creative. If we can't find hygienists, I know I just did this with an office, like, we can't find hygienists. So we literally talked about like, let's do a CE for hygienists, like once or twice a year. So all the hygienists come and if they're not happy, like amazing, it's a networking opportunity or when they're ready to move positions, they think about us.   We're literally going and we're gonna schmooze. Like I kid you not, we're gonna be schmoozing at that hygiene college constantly. Then I thought like, why are we going through administrators? Dental colleges, like the best way to get to the students is through the students. So how can we get like the students to get together in the hygiene schools? Like we came up with so many ideas when it's like, we can't hire anybody. We started offering part-time hours. This office has not wanted to offer part-time hours and we decided.   Let's actually look to see how could we hire part-time people. and I, did a similar thing. We're like, all right, this is tricky. Who's our ideal consultant? What did they do? Where are they at? Let's start figuring out a different solution for it. And I think that that's a fun thing of business, at least for me. That's the puzzle of how do we figure out these scenarios? Do we need to hire someone? Do we need to find somebody? Do we need to think outside the box? We need to get more creative. Or did we just set two lofty of goals that were unrealistic and we need to pare that down for next year?   Britt (10:23.648) What's this?   Kiera Dent (10:28.288) So on that, are you guys ready to review 2024? I think easy. think, and again, Britt and I have no script for this, so we're just going to riff for you. But as I'm assessing and what we do in Denali team when we're looking at 2024 is one, I think it's very easy. Did we hit our production numbers? Yes or no? Like, did we hit that? Two, how's our overhead? What's our profitability on the business? Did we hit that or did we not? Why or why not? After you do all this, after you've celebrated. So don't forget, celebrate first, then go into this.   Britt (10:28.501) Thank you.   Britt (10:36.778) Hehehe.   Britt (10:53.984) which is   Kiera Dent (10:57.166) I think I'm also looking at providers. Like how many providers do we need more providers? Do we not? Like how do we do well on that? We're looking at our goals that we set at the beginning of the year to the end of the year. How did we do on that? Why did we hit them? Why did we not? Were they the right goals to set? Were they not? And then what we start to do, and this is coming up for us, is we start to set the projections for the next year. Like what are all the raises? What are all the different pieces? How's our marketing? How's our bookkeeping? How's our legal? Like all those things we assess and what are we going to have coming in for next year to then set our new goals for next year? like   Really, think, Britt, when we look at it, I don't think if you hit production or you hit all your goals that that was necessarily a win of a year. I think you and I might have also shifted our definition of winning, but I'll let you speak to that first before I share. Do you agree with that? Disagree with kind of your thoughts because I think it's very easy to like it's only production, but I don't think that necessarily equates to the win.   Britt (11:45.236) No, mean, numbers for sure need to be reviewed, right? That's our objective. How did we do? What were we shooting for? It's necessary. We need to look at them. And especially knowing we have hard, fast costs and expenses, right? Things that need to be covered. So those for sure. And then I think the rest of it is a lot more.   systems team soft skill kind of things almost of like, all right, take a look at what are all of our departments? How are all of our departments doing? What's going well in those departments? What's not going well in those departments? And looking at business-wise big picture things, but numbers are part of it. I agree. A lot of the other things have to do with our experience for our patients and our experience for our team, honestly, right? Because that's what systems build. It builds experiences for everybody.   Kiera Dent (12:15.318) you   Kiera Dent (12:37.559) And I'm so glad you said that because I agree. I think there's the data, the metrics, so the numbers, how do we do, then how are our systems, how's our team, how are all the different departments, how's our marketing ROI? Looking at that P &L, C is all the amount of money we're outputting actually getting the ROI that we're needing. But I think you and I asked each other really, I think telling questions throughout the year of are we happy doing what we're doing?   And like for me, I got to a spot of like, love my clients, but I am not happy day in and day out. remember, gosh, but this is a few months ago. I don't know if you remember it. You're like, I'm not happy and you're not happy. that's why you're no BS Britt. You will never like let me off the hook. Do you remember that conversation?   Britt (13:21.91) I I remember that and cause it's like, that's not the way it has to be. think like that was the cut, like right, we're not. So like, it doesn't have to be that way. So what do we need to do to make it not that way?   Kiera Dent (13:33.676) which I probably should have finished the statement. Like agreed. You came to it of like, you're not happy. I'm not happy. Like we're pulling all the weight of this. And if we're not happy, what's causing this unhappiness and what do we need to do to change it? And what was interesting is when we had that conversation, we realized that the vision we had set a few years ago of our company was actually the wrong vision that we had. and it was, don't know, Britt, I remember the day that we decided to give up our current vision or like our prior vision.   that we had been striving for and driving. I don't know how you felt, but it was like this, like, I didn't feel like I had lost the game or I was giving up. It literally felt like a sigh of relief of like, yeah, that's actually like the wrong vision and we don't even want to go for that anymore. And we need to create something that we actually are all excited about. That's doable. That gives us the lifestyles that we want to have. I don't know how you felt, but it was one of like, like I said, one of the hardest years to say like, well, shoot our North star. We don't even want to go after anymore. We need to find a new North star.   but also it was so liberating to have those honest conversations with each other as well.   Britt (14:34.426) And I think that's end of year, right? And going through and reviewing some of these things and even in some of the soft stuff, I'm like, there's definitely a personal check in too, I think, and especially for leadership, right? Because leadership shapes everybody else. So I have no doubt. I know it, right? The rest of our team feels it too. If we're being impacted, they're 100 % being impacted by it. And that's not what any of us want. So what do we need to shift, change, work on, maybe reassess or reset on what we're shooting after and   focus on to make things better, right? And that's like you said, it's not necessarily like money, dollar better. That always has to be there. Don't get me wrong. Profitability always has to be there. But are there other things that we can do that we're not having to push for something that we're not really behind?   Kiera Dent (15:18.282) Exactly. And I think that that's where end of year is such a good check-in. It's like, how did our number shake? How are our metrics? How are all of our KPIs? How did our quarters go? Were we on track? Were we off track? But then also, like, are we still super happy and fulfilled doing this? And if not, what do we need to do to shift and change that? Like for us, I remember when we realized like we need to hire a coach to come in and help us like set our vision because we're all in the weeds of this. When we decided we were going to hire recruiters to bring in different people for us that are better at this than we are.   we decided to bring, like, we brought in quite a few different people to our team. We've, shifted the vision. We worked on a different vision for the company and then we started setting like more realistic goals up until this year. I've been in founder mindset founders are like meant to double their production every single year. And like, that was fun until it wasn't fun anymore. And I was like, I'm tired. You're tired. We're all tired. Is this something that's necessary to achieve the vision of helping and serving more dentists?   Britt (16:10.454) you   Kiera Dent (16:17.792) And so like our vision of having massive impact in this world and positively impacting the world, that hasn't shifted, but how we do it is where we shifted. And so I think really like as you're assessing your year this year, look at it, look to see where did we hit, where did we strike? And maybe you're in the flow of like, I love everything and I just wanna go to the next level. That's also a zone of like, what is the next level? Like I have offices that are just like humming along, but even sometimes like.   Sometimes I even create chaos when we're just humming along and I think you want to tell me to like quit the chaos. But like you either will have chaos for real or we will create chaos because I think as human nature is like the secret to fulfillment is growth. Like we're looking for that growth piece but doing it in a way I think that's sustainable, realistic and attainable as well was maybe a good lesson I think we learned this year as well.   Britt (16:47.22) Hahaha   Britt (17:06.016) Yeah, I would agree with that. And I think with offices too, right? It's fun because we get to work with offices at a variety of stages. And I've even got some clients where they've got multiple locations and those locations are all in different stages. And we have to have the conversation of like, yes, like when we look at numbers across the board, right? We take a look back at months.   We've got to acknowledge there are standards, you're like, we have like a baby face and like a teenage phase and an adult phase. And the issues or struggles are going to be very different. And the successes are going to look a little bit different in all of those stages. And that's okay. And so in those different stages and depending on where you're at, right. Listening to this or where clients are at, what is it you want to go after? And what are the things we want to do? And like you get to a more mature stage in some locations that it's like, great.   What else can we do? There's always stuff to advance or that's the time that if you're really looking for that growth and like it might be time to start exploring what that could look like if it is another location or expanding or something.   Kiera Dent (18:05.678) Absolutely. And I think a setting like even a three year target too helps us make better decisions for where we want to be this year as well. So like, what is that three year focus and where do we want to be in three years? But agreed with you, Britt. It's like, I think that it's a it's a balance as you set goals and you review your year of how am I profitability wise and business wise? How am I as a clinician and our dentistry? And then how am I on my personal fulfillment and team fulfillment? Where are we at? And I think when you look at those three different metrics,   But I also think it's important and I don't know, but I'm super curious on your intake or insights on this. Like what happens when you see you've got a gap and we're like, all right, I look at it and I know our numbers are not where they want to be. I know my clinical dentistry is incredible. I would love to learn like another CE and like fulfillment wise, I'm good, but I'd like to take a few more vacations for the year. Like I think sometimes we see the gap, but we don't actually know like how do we get to the other side of that gap? So do you have any like tactical   practical ideas for offices when they're in that boat of how to get to the other side of that gap.   Britt (19:10.396) say I think that's where like community you're looking outside. Sometimes it's really hard to see how to jump that gap when one I've never seen it done before right I'm just sitting so silent that I'm doing everything that I know how to do and I just genuinely don't know a different way to do it. And so getting that insight from other people connecting with the group seeing what can be done I think is probably one of the best ways of like reaching outside of yourself or asking for some help to be able to see like how can we get through that gap.   and what aligns with you on the way to make up that gap.   Kiera Dent (19:42.218) Mm-hmm. And I think like I'll piggyback on that of agreed like someone's done it success leaves clues So let's find some who's done it and done it successfully and like have them help us So whether that's a coach whether that's a mentor whether that's books But I also think but there's something to be said and you and I really had I wouldn't say a tug of war because I think we were both on the same Same side of the rope. It was just like where do we put the spend because we were looking at costs and we're like Okay, does it make sense to spend this? for X result   Britt (20:00.63) Thank you.   Kiera Dent (20:12.192) or does it make sense for us to DIY it? And so how do you, this is her real question, I'm curious, I'll tell you how I do it, but like how do you decide when it's worth it to spend the money versus when it's like worth it to DIY and invest it on your team and on the resources that you already have?   Britt (20:31.082) I mean, I think it might be, it depends on how fast you wanna go, right? I really do genuinely think that, cause it's like, sure, we can try it. And if it doesn't work, then of course, like we need to go get some outside help. If I want it to get done faster, then all right, like maybe I just go for the help now right away and it's gonna, I'm gonna get there a little faster than maybe potentially failing, failing forward, learning from it, but still taking that time to fail. So I think that's.   My honest answer is I think it depends on how fast you want to go and what makes sense. What can you afford?   Kiera Dent (21:03.714) Yeah, I would agree with you. And I think also investing in things that are going to generate you money, like a decision we have is on a recruiter to hire us this like amazing customer success sales and biz dev. Like it's a very unicorn position. And we have been trying for what a year to hire this position. And so when we look at that, I know for us, I also look at like, how long have I been in this pickle of an issue? And how long am I willing to continue? Like when we had the, like the realization of it's been a year.   We're like, all right, we clearly run the experiment. We're not great at this. We need help. And also, when we invest in things, like when I invest in consulting and we hired somebody to help us do our vision and build out the pieces, I knew that, yes, that cost was going to be high, but my ROI on the other side of it was going to be exponential. So I like to invest in things that are going to help me, like hiring a recruiter that's going to hire a key player for us. Yes, it's an initial upfront cost, but that key player   Britt (21:37.462) We'll you   Kiera Dent (22:01.344) should generate exponential revenue for us long-term as well. And so I think when you look at the dials like that too, how fast do you want to go? How long has this been a pain point for you? And then also like, is it a passion for you too? Cause I think like Britt, you and I will sometimes DIY when I'm like, do you want to do this? Cause I don't want to do this. Like, and maybe we do it for two months, three months. But I think like knowing that also, think putting the deadline on yourself, we had the deadline for us with this person, like   Britt (22:19.072) True.   Kiera Dent (22:28.172) We said, we're going to give it a month. We're going to try our best. We're going to do all these different pieces. We've got all these pieces in play. And if it doesn't work, then we're going to execute on this decision. But I don't know. I feel, Britt, so many people stayed too long in the DIY phase when if they would just hire the help or bring on the different pieces, it feels scary to spend the money. But I think the more you can realize, I guess it's just ROI. And I don't know how to even help people get more comfortable with that. But I think I've learned over the years, like,   I sometimes actually waste so much money DIYing where if I would just take, like just have the gumption and the like kahunas to do it, like we'd be so much better off for it. And so I think that that's also a skill as you go through. But then there's other people like, I think you and I would look at our clients, our clients execute, they take the risks. And I think because they take the risks and they execute consistently, that's why they have insane growth. Like our clients numbers are like doubling and like,   One of my favorite offices in three years, we've gone from 2 million to almost 6 million, like huge ROI on that. But then we have other clients that just don't want to execute and implement, like even if they have the help to do it. So how do you assess yourself on that? I think would be a good question I would ask you,   Britt (23:41.984) think it's cost and I think assessing yourself because I'll own it right on some of those things is ego because I'm like, no, I can do it right like I should be able to fix this I should be able to do it. I can do it. So it's feels like failure even though it's not that's my my story. I'm telling myself it's failure but there's no nothing out there that says I can't get some help. And I do like in the end genuinely believe right I I want to surround my people   myself with people who are ultimately better at everything than me because that means I'm only going to grow and get better. kind of letting go of that assessing yourself like am I ready to let go of that ego be ready to accept the hell you ready to like not see it as failure but see it as growth and if so then like take the jump and make the move.   Kiera Dent (24:28.11) Absolutely. And I think you and I, there's always going to be more things that we want to spend money on than we necessarily have the funds for. I think something we did really well this year as we moved through our business was we assessed of all of our spend of has that person that we're going to spend on done what we're asking for and have they done it successfully before versus like a hope and a wish. Like, we heard like we really vetted a lot of companies this year and a lot of different people before we made the spend of can they do it? But I think something we also did well is like   we jumped in with both feet and we're like, we're going to make this work no matter what and we will get the ROI. And I think that's half of like, whatever you spend in life, a lot of it comes down to you too. And I think for us, the pain point or the way out was greater than sitting in it for longer. And maybe it's just the time we're in, but I think like as business owners and as teams, the more consistently you can get yourself out of the pickle, the quicker you can do it. Like more is lost through indecision than a wrong decision. So like just execute, cause you're going to learn faster than you   than sitting there waffling. But I think as I would be reflecting back on 2024, I would be looking at how are my numbers? Am I good with that? And do I know that? And can I do that? How's my clinical dentistry? And am I good? And do I need help there? And then how's like my happiness, life fulfillment? And then what are the gaps within all of them? And also like assessing our teams and our practice, what are the gaps? Who can get me to the solution the fastest? And then just make the decision and move forward with it because I think   I think so many practices could have so much help and have so much happier lives and less stress, but they just sit in it for so long, ourselves included. But yeah, I actually do think it's a muscle that you learn to develop. And I think the quicker you can learn to decide, make educated decisions and move forward, realizing you're going to figure it out. And if you commit to it, you're going to find the way. I think you have such better years and more success quicker. It probably goes to the book like who, not how.   let's execute on these things and be really good at what we do well and hire experts to do the other parts.   Britt (26:22.656) you   Britt (26:29.95) Yep, agreed.   Kiera Dent (26:31.726) Cool. Well, there you guys go 2024. So I think I would look at it, would review and really take this time to assess, see how your practices, see how you're doing, see where you can raise the standard and I think have someone like Britt in your corner as an owner where you can have the uncomfortable conversations, you can have the growth conversations. You know that you're both working hard to get the business where it needs to go and then set deadlines and execute. But I don't think either of us regret our decisions to hire the people we hired this year.   to make the spend. I think there was one that we'd both agree was a bust this year. Like if I could go back in time, I think you know exactly who that bust was. But hey, guess what? We learned from it and we learned what we won't do next time. So I still don't think it was a bust because we would never have learned otherwise. We tried something and it didn't pan. And we're going to try something the next time. And I'd say all of you do it. And if we can help be a part of that journey.   Britt (27:05.046) Thank   Kiera Dent (27:23.5) We literally are experts who have been there, done that, done that successfully. We get practices to be profitable. We implement the systems. We help the leadership teams. We implement within your practices. We teach you the systems and foundations so that way you literally have someone who knows how to do it and you don't have to do it. And so if we can be a part of that, out. Hello@TheDentalATeam.com. and I have success story after success story, like offices and lives that have been changed. And I think we're living proof of that ourselves as well. So reach out anytime we're here to help you.   Let's make 2025 your best year. So when you're looking back next year, you're looking at your profitability and you're saying it's exactly what I wanted, if not better. My clinical dentistry is exactly where I want it to be, if not better. My practice is exactly where I want it to be, if not better. And my life and my happiness is where I want it to be and it's only getting better. And I think that that would be a beautiful goal to set for 2025. So Britt, any last thoughts you've got as we wrap up today?   Britt (28:15.518) No, I think my only thing is always make sure to celebrate. Those of you who are doing awesome, rock on, keep it moving, keep going that direction. And those of you who look at this year and realize like, hey, maybe I could go quicker with some help. Like you said, that's what we're here for. So we're here to help support.   Kiera Dent (28:30.486) Yeah, and we love it. Like we absolutely love it. We get so excited seeing our clients win. And it's so fun to celebrate them to show the longevity of what they've had and to also give them the guidance and set realistic goals so they're not having to try and figure it out themselves. And as an owner, I think that's the greatest gift we can give you is you don't have to do this alone anymore. You don't have to try and have all the answers. You literally have resources at your fingertips who know how to do it very successfully. So Britt, thanks as always for being on the podcast. I love a good podcast with you.   Britt (28:58.291) Agreed, thanks for having me.   Kiera Dent (28:59.987) Of course. And for all of you listening, thanks for listening. I'll catch you next time on the Dental A Team Podcast.

Close The Door Podcast bersama Ridwan Kamil

back to work, comedy shows, Japanese game creators on drugs, Moicano vs St Denis predictions, gold mining stocks

Monte Anderson of Neighborhood Evolution and Options Real Estate in Duncanville, Texas joins me to talk about extremely practical matters: making money in real estate. That is, as a small developer, how is it actually done? What are the pros and cons of different approaches, such as buying and holding vs selling?We start this by discussing a YouTube video from The Real Estate God. Yes, that's the real channel. Titled, “The best way to 3x your money in 2024,” the video is a good jumping off point for how to structure deals in an ideal world. And, it goes over the differences between general partners and limited partners.Monte talks about why nothing ever works as quick as he thinks it should, and the realities of development fees. We discuss the challenges, but also the joys, of working in development. Find more content on The Messy City on Kevin's Substack page.Music notes: all songs by low standards, ca. 2010. Videos here. If you'd like a CD for low standards, message me and you can have one for only $5.Intro: “Why Be Friends”Outro: “Fairweather Friend”Episode Transcript:Kevin K (00:01.733)Welcome back to the Messy City podcast. I'm Kevin Klinkenberg. Got our returning champion, Monte Anderson in the house here today. Monte, it's always great to see you and talk to you. Where are you in Dallas? Are you roaming around the country somewhere?Monte Anderson (00:16.022)Yeah, I am in Dallas today. Glad to be here with you, but I am in Dallas. I'll be in Lafayette, Louisiana tomorrow morning and Elkhart, Indiana next week. So lot of traveling coming up, but I'm home for this afternoon. It is. It is. We've been going down there for, this is our second year. And so yeah, there's a lot of good food down there. Yeah.Kevin K (00:26.257)Cool, Lafayette's a really cool town.Kevin K (00:39.449)Yeah, was going to say amazing food, fun people, it be a great time.Monte Anderson (00:43.647)Yeah, they are fun people. lot of entrepreneurial spirit down there, know, they've had to do a lot with a lot of things against them, know, hurricanes and, you all the things that you've got in that part of the country.Kevin K (00:53.627)Yeah. Yeah.That's right. That's right. Well, guess depending on where you are, you've got something. like we don't have hurricanes, but we've got tornadoes and floods.Monte Anderson (01:06.668)Yeah, yep, that's right. There's something always out there, the unknowns.Kevin K (01:10.245)Yeah, I know. I think I texted you a couple of weeks ago, we were up in Dubuque, Iowa, where I know you're also doing some work and they were dealing with the Mississippi is flooding this year. It's been very, very high. And so they've had some flooding in different portions. So in fact, we were going to take like one of their riverboat cruises and we couldn't do it because the river is too high.Monte Anderson (01:28.705)my.Yeah. my, that's because that town is right in between the river and the bluffs. The downtown is right there in the valley, if you will, between the two hills. Yeah.Kevin K (01:37.67)Yeah.Kevin K (01:42.063)Yeah. It's really cool. had not spent a lot of, I've driven through, I'd driven through before, but I hadn't really spent any time there. And it's really a neat, neat little town with like incredible bones and, just a really pretty setting there on the river.Monte Anderson (01:52.802)Yeah.Yeah, the great thing is it doesn't have any major interstates that go through it.Kevin K (01:59.569)But they had a lot of urban renewal. I'll say that. For a small town, boy, did they have a lot of urban renewal that was done to them. anyway, Monty, I wanted to talk to you today. We were exchanging some emails. I sometimes subscribe to these just kind of random YouTube channels or blogs or whatever that touch on real estate or design or planning or whatever.Monte Anderson (02:03.544)Yes.Monte Anderson (02:07.554)Yeah. Yeah.Kevin K (02:27.953)this is one, that I shared with you that is a YouTube channel, from somebody who calls themselves the real estate God, which, of course kind of made us laugh, but it was a really interesting short video. has some pretty interesting content, especially for, newbies, in this video that, I wanted to talk about today, the email, called it the best way to three X your money in 2024.but really it was like a seven minute video that was about a basic investment strategy for real estate that I think is real, that is similar to what you teach. And I wanted to kind of walk through this and talk about it because I think it is, it's interesting. we've talked about financing before we've talked about different aspects of development. It's interesting to take it kind of step by step.and help people understand how, you know, where you put money in, how you get money out, how you make money doing some of these smaller projects.Monte Anderson (03:30.506)Yeah, that's a really big deal for people getting started, you know, in this business. I mean, how do you get money out? Right? You put it in, but where does it go? And how does it come out fast? And it doesn't come out fast unless you buy and sell. That's basically the bottom line. If you don't buy and sell, it doesn't come out fast. You know, because if you buy a, you know, if you buy a property and you get a loan and you restore that property,Kevin K (03:37.969)Yeah.Monte Anderson (03:59.286)and you run it and you get it leased up over time. It's not going to cashflow really great in the beginning. It's going to take, it's going to take a while where I find myself these days and making money as far as making, pulling money out is, and this is what the big, developers do, buying something, fixing it up, getting it all rented up or, or, or buying something and getting it ready to sell, you know, and then selling it. And that's where.A small developers have to do more like buying and selling. And in my case, you know, I charged myself, you know, brokerage fees and management fees and things like that. So my operating company, you know, gets commissions and gets development fees. And that's how we live. And big, big companies do the same thing. You know, the big developer will buy, you know, build a 200 unit apartment complex, lease it up and sell it to the Ohio state teacher pension fund.You know, and that's where the money's made. That's where the big quicker money is made. But it's, it is really difficult as a small scale developer to buy a property, fix it up, build it and get, and I mean, you're building wealth. Okay. Because usually the property is going up in value, but you don't get a lot of cash flow out of it really quick. It's just, that's just, I think in my opinion, and you know, of course, I don't know everything. It's kind of unrealistic thinking. It looks good on paper.but it's unrealistic thinking.Kevin K (05:29.967)Yeah, it seems like so generally when we talk about making any money in real estate is either you're making money off of the cash flow of the project itself, whether it's a residential project or a commercial project, you know, it's producing more income than your expenses. So you're making a little money year after year on that, or you make money when you sell it to somebody else, assuming you've added value along the way and you're selling it for substantially more than what.you put into it.Monte Anderson (06:01.614)That's correct. And then depending on how much equity you put in in the front and how much leverage or how much debt, how much loan you put on the property, you know, will depend on what your cashflow is going to be. So if you've like in the, I've always been one for putting as, you know, having as little debt as possible because you can go through the times like we just went through in the last year or two when interest rate, like on one of my properties went from four and a half to seven and a half percent.like it renewed and just went up. mean, they could have went up to 8 .5%, but my bank lacked me, so they did 7 .5%. But if you have much debt, if you have a lot of debt, first of all, you're not going to probably cashflow for a while. And then secondly, when the markets change, when the markets change or when interest rates go up or when vacancy goes up, then you're going to be in trouble.And that's when you see foreclosures and that's when you see, like right now we're seeing a lot of properties on the market right now, either not so much in foreclosures, but people just needing cash. So they're selling their properties. So.Kevin K (07:13.233)Yeah. So like, you know, let's just say if you, random project that you're a small developer and you scrape together $50 ,000 and you, you put that into a deal and then you have debt on the back of it for the balance of the project. You're, you're either getting that 50 ,000 back to you when you sell it. Hopefully plus a profit or you're getting it like drip, drip, drip over time, over a number of years.Monte Anderson (07:43.211)Exactly.Kevin K (07:43.429)which like you said, at that small of a scale, that might be maybe make a few thousand bucks a year, but you can't make a living off that.Monte Anderson (07:52.47)Right. Well, you can't make a living off the drip, drip, drip part. You can't really make a living off that, but you can if you have a hundred units then. Okay. Then you have it. And you can, if you're in the real, if you have a real estate operating company, like I do, where we do our own leasing and management and development and construction. So we pay ourselves to do those, do those things. If, if the money is available, you know, if there is enough, you know, to do that, butAnd many times these days, I put myself in better positions. You know, I should have learned after 30, you know, 35 years, I should learn, but I put myself in better positions where I can get those fees mostly. So even if the property is dripping, I'm still getting the fees for operating the property. Now I've got a big one that I'm sitting in right now in Duncanville, Texas. It's called Wheatland Plaza, which is an old strip center, know, with some townhomes I'm going to put on the parking lot.And right now I've got all my fees into it. got, you know, I've got, I sold another property to, you know, make the cash calls to keep this thing going because I didn't want to get more debt right now while interest was high. So I made a conscious decision not to add more debt on. In fact, I may not have even been able to get more debt on because I'm in a leasing upstage and I bought aKevin K (09:06.673)MmMonte Anderson (09:17.87)strip center that was 60 % least and it went down to 28%. Now I'm back up to 80, but I'm still not up to really breaking even, know, nearly up to breaking even. And when I put the 20, the 19 townhomes on the parking lot, you know, I'm to have a mixed use building. And then now I've got something that's operating, but it takes, it takes time. So that'll probably take me, what I just described is probably take me four or five years to get that done. So you got to last that four or five years.Kevin K (09:47.589)Yeah, yeah. Yeah.Monte Anderson (09:47.736)you know, negative cashflow and you've got a cash negative cashflow has got to come from from somewhere. So it's, it's funny to hear like in the, the podcast or the, the YouTube we were talking about, it's funny to hear some of the people talking about this stuff because they, this would be the way I would put it on paper to show you a deal. I would show you that in reality, it's just not that easy. And you're constantly having to,You're constantly having to look for new ways of financing or finding another property to buy and sell to make cash flow or buy and sell something you've already got or raising capital from what we call community impact investors who don't expect huge high returns but are also, they expect a little return but they're as interested in the community impact as they are the return. They're interested in both.Kevin K (10:45.541)Yeah. Well, so let's look at a couple of the basics that he talked about just to clarify. He described the way he looks at it as like being a real estate private equity company. I think, I mean, that's clever, but I think it's just basically kind of the way a lot of real estate deals happen. And that is you have general partners and you have limited partners. And I wonder if you could talk a little bit about like in your experience, how those, what's the difference between the two?What roles do they play?Monte Anderson (11:16.29)Yeah, like I'm the general partner or the managing partner in, in, you know, nearly all the deals I do. And I have partners, limited partners or, or members. These days we call them members of the LLC. Same thing, same, but they're passive, passive investors. And so in any real estate deal, you really need two things. And this is what I talk about in all small scale developers need two things. Really. We need really a good, decent loan from a bank.And I always say a bank, bank servers are still our best partners. They're going to be the probably lowest interest rate. They're also be the toughest to underwrite you, know, looking at your paperwork and, you know, looking at you closely and asking you questions. And then you need, you need affordable equity. You're either providing that equity or the down payment or your investor partners are providing that down payment.Kevin K (12:09.617)Right. Just like if you're buying a house and you have to put 5 % down, 10 % down, 20 % down, whatever it is. For a real estate deal, it's the same way. And a bank is probably going to require 25 % down pretty typically or more. Yeah. Yeah.Monte Anderson (12:14.079)same thing.Monte Anderson (12:23.726)or 35 % today, or you may want to put 35 or 40 % today at seven and a half or eight, eight and a half percent interest. I can remember years ago that used to be not be that bad of a rate, but we got used to this low rates. we kind of, you know, below 5%, I kind of call that free money. It's kind of free, you know, really. So it really makes deals easier to do. when they go up, butKevin K (12:45.265)YouMonte Anderson (12:51.822)Yeah, it's the same thing. You you buy a piece of property, you need a loan, you need equity, whether it's 5 % on an FHA loan to buy a house or whether you got a commercial loan at a bank and you need 25, 35%. We used to say 20 % down on commercial loans, but now these days I would say it's minimum 25 to 35 % down that banks are requiring. Not such a bad thing either, to tell you the truth, but it's kind of going back like a hundred years ago when we didn't have financing.Kevin K (13:21.211)MmMonte Anderson (13:21.678)Cause if you think about most of you're in my friends, not wealthy, you know, we didn't grow up with extreme amounts of wealth. 35 % might as well be, you know, might as well be a hundred percent, know, we got nothing, you know, you got nothing, you know, it's still a, still a lot of money. But once you get your, your, your investors, your limited partners, your, your members of your LLC, your passive investors, the passive investors don't, don't operate.Kevin K (13:33.859)Yeah.Monte Anderson (13:49.806)on a day -to -day basis. They're just like they have stock in your deal. And they need to be accredited investors, which means they have to have a certain amount of knowledge or net worth or wealth. They have to make a certain amount of income. They have to be sophisticated and accredited investors of sophisticated investors. In fact, it's a business person that it's not like a little old lady with their last $50 ,000 in the bank.That's a non -accredited investor or somebody that makes less than a hundred thousand a year. That would be non -accredited investors. So you want accredited investors and these accredited investors, that means they're sophisticated and if they lose their money, they're big boys and big girls. they, buyer beware kind of beware. So they're going to be passive partners. The general partner or the managing partner operates the real estate venture.hires the contractors, hires the leasing agents, hires the property managers, hires the architects, negotiates with the bank. Quite often in my case, the general partner would personally guarantee the real estate notes, which I do just about on everything I do. I hear people talk about not personally guaranteeing these commercial real estate deals. It's not in my world, really. That's just not realistic. I have to personally...Kevin K (15:14.949)Yeah, how does that even exist? Who gets away with not guaranteeing a deal?Monte Anderson (15:21.514)I hear people talk about it on YouTube and things like that. But it's just not realistic. there are different kinds of loans where a lender looks at a bigger real estate deal, big, where the asset is so strictly regulated by the bank or by the lender that you may get.Kevin K (15:25.125)Hahaha.Monte Anderson (15:48.098)you know, a situation that we, know, that you don't have to personally guarantee. So the asset is lots of equity. You know, it's the lender is really looking at everything you do, commissions paid, finish out, you know, construction, you know, things like that. They're approving everything, approved leases. They might as well be the owner. That's the only time I see that where you don't personally guarantee, you know, your real estate in that case. But.Generally speaking, is general partners got to guarantee the loan, got to run the operation. Also it's got to get, can get paid for running the operation. We get paid a leasing fee, a property management fee. We get paid a development fee. We get paid all these fees if there's enough cashflow. And since I'm the one putting the deals together, I always feel responsible when there's not enough cashflow and end up leaving my fees in.because I feel responsible if I didn't make the projection quick enough. it seems we just never make the, nothing ever works as quick as I think it should. It never works as quick. It's the nature of the beast. There's so many different things that can happen, whether it be.building permits or zoning or platting you know, a supplier, subcontractors, or didn't get a tenant, you know, early enough. mean, these days in most cities have hard trouble, have a hard time with building inspectors. So you may not get, you know, inspections as quick. We used to get building permits in two weeks and, you know, we could build a building in six months. That's just no longer the way it is. You know, it just takes a lot longer than that.You know, it just, and I used to go to California and they'd say, well, it only took me two years to get a permit. And I said, well, we're from Texas. We got a permit in like two weeks. You know, well, we're like California now. It takes us forever. It takes us forever to get things. So all of those things compile up and can cause you delays and stuff like that. And delays are going to cost you money, you know, and, andKevin K (17:51.985)Yeah.Monte Anderson (18:07.692)You know, I'm always changing things too. My projects are done incrementally. So we might start in one end and by the time we get through, it's different than what we originally conceptualized. And that's, it's got, it's good and bad. mean, bad is that it's changed and it's different and likely costs more. Good is it might be a better project because we're more curating the type of businesses or people that are there than we are just filling spaces.Kevin K (18:33.615)Yeah. I mean, just like on a personal note, the town, like as an example, the townhouse project that I'm working on with my partners, you know, we, as we have progressed through construction, we have found a lot of things that we decided we wanted to change. And a lot of that was really based on, we know like the price we're going to end up selling these at.And so it kind of changed our minds about who we think like the buyers are. It's a, it's a more expensive, home now than, it was originally. so, you know, we, for example, during the course of construction, we're like, well, you know, maybe we should change that kitchen. maybe that pantry should be different. Maybe we should have a different kind of countertop or finish. And, you would think that all that would be figured out ahead of time. But like you said, during the course of the project,Monte Anderson (19:04.589)Yeah.Monte Anderson (19:14.98)Yeah.Kevin K (19:28.355)you know, especially something I'm at take two or three years, things change.Monte Anderson (19:32.908)Yeah, they do. know, time, time happens so fast these days and with AI and other things, mean, the, the speed of, of everything that's happening is, you know, if you're copying something somebody did yesterday, you're already behind. I mean, you've got to be figuring out, you've got to understand this business and know where it's going rather than copying where somebody's been. can, you can learn from someone, but you really can't copy from place to place. know, you principles are the same, butKevin K (19:48.027)Hehehe.Monte Anderson (20:02.318)Yeah, like in the center I'm working in now, it's a 90 ,000 square foot shopping center built in the 60s. And we, you know, it was, we're converting it to mix of uses from retail and restaurants to coworking, you know, school and, you know, state of Texas lease and things like that. And we start off thinking we're going to get, you know, $16 a square foot or $18 a square foot. And we'll put a little lipstick on it here and a little, you know, fix some roofs here and stuff. What we find is if weIf we cut the spaces up smaller and we really gut them out and really make them nice inside, we can get $24 a foot. So $24 a square foot versus 16's a lot of money, you know, to the bottom line, which makes the property a lot more expensive. It's just what you just described with the townhome. You got a better kitchen in, you know, we're going to, we can get more money. In fact, if we keep the cheap kitchen in, we may not sell it.because we found out that the market was a little bit different. And by being an incremental or a nimble type developer, you can make those decisions on the fly and adjust and hopefully profit, you know, hopefully profit from that. In the meantime, you got to get more money somehow. So where do you get it? You either get it from your equity partners or you get it from your, from your bank. And this is a good reason to have community at your partners you want to have. You don't want to have poor partners.Kevin K (21:17.521)Yeah. Yeah.Kevin K (21:30.907)Yeah.Monte Anderson (21:30.958)You want to have rich partners because poor partners can't help you if you get in a situation.Kevin K (21:34.362)Yeah.Kevin K (21:41.297)Well, and I like your point about the fees part of it, because I think that was something I didn't really know anything about related to development 15 years ago, was that, if I'm the managing partner or the developer of this project, then I essentially pay a percentage fee to myself, and that's part of the construction loan and everything. And I remember in the first workshops that John Anderson did that Ipaid attention to, he was like, you know, it's kind of 5 % of hard construction costs in the ballpark. And so I was like, that sounds good. You start to bookmark that. then, you just like you said, that can evaporate during, you know, if things go a little bit sideways. And like on our project, we had budgeted a development fee for all, for the three of us who are managing partners and the construction costs changes and the inflation that's happened over the last few years have really caught up with us.And we basically having to contribute those fees back to the project to cover other things that we would like to do to it. So we hope to get paid out at a later date, but the reality is we're not going to make that fee during the course of the project.Monte Anderson (22:53.218)Yeah. And that's, I would say that's more normal than not. I would just say that's more normal than not. Cause I don't know something about in the idealistic stage, you remember when you were getting ready. I remember when you were getting ready for the townhomes and stuff. And it's the idealistic stage. It's fun during that stage, you know, it's like, it's like new love, right? It's like falling in love and you're in love, you know, all of sudden and everything is, you know, right. Unicorns and rainbows, you know, and then, and then all of sudden, you know, the reality.Kevin K (23:07.483)Yeah.Yeah.Monte Anderson (23:22.414)the reality kicks in. But I think that's more normal than not. In fact, I'm embarrassed to say this, but in my one, I had a hotel project in Dallas up here and the, was paid my development fee. I did the project in 2004 and 2005 and I sold it in 2015. And that's when I got my development fee in 2015. And it was my own fault.Kevin K (23:46.233)Yeah.Monte Anderson (23:52.586)In fact, my own arrogance, my own thinking I knew everything when I started that project that caused that to happen to me. And I wanted to do the project no matter what. I was just going to do it no matter what. I just wanted to do it. And that, and I was like kicking the can down the road, but that own arrogance.I tell Bernice and I talk about this all the time, Bernice Riedel and I, don't fall in love. She says fall in love with these projects. I say, don't fall in love with them until you own them. Don't fall, because it excuse your, and I fell in love with this project before I did it. And so I just had to do it anyway. Sometimes you just, you and I were talking earlier, sometimes you just, and if you're going to do that, that's fine. Just know that the pain is coming. Just know the pain is coming with it.Kevin K (24:32.145)MmMonte Anderson (24:51.178)I understand it. I understand loving a project more than anything and you want to do it. I understand it. Just be prepared, you know, for the stress and the high level of anxiety that will come with that.Kevin K (25:02.481)So, Monty, that begs the question then. If you didn't get paid your development fee for 10 years, if that's more common than we'd like to admit, how do you live? How do you make a living during the course of doing these projects? Because you have to have some cash flow to pay the bills on.Monte Anderson (25:21.774)Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, I started off as a real estate agent leasing and selling space, you know, and buildings in my commercial real estate agent. And so all in the beginning days back in the early years, 100 % of my business was third party broker. I was doing this for somebody else, you know, and that was easy. You know, I had an easy life back then. And then I decided to be a developer.Kevin K (25:48.667)Yeah.Monte Anderson (25:51.406)So, but what happened now today, I have about 80 % is my own stuff and 20 % is other people's about 80 % today. And so you still need to be working. We call it working in the flywheel or working in the area. You're still working to crank that flywheel to move your company along, to move your own personal life along. You still got to make income. So I always kept brokering space for others.people. And if you're an architect, so you would still keep doing architectural work for other people or doing your podcasting or doing your, you know, if you're an IT guy, you still, you know, you're working on your IT in these buildings, you're doing, you're doing work in other buildings, you know, but you're doing in hopefully in your farm or in your community, or anywhere you're where you're, you know, you're committed to where you're committed. That's a really key to this is, is working in an area that you, you know, that you commit to as a small scale developer, you need toYou need to stay close to home and not try to be working in, you know, Kansas city and St. Louis and Oklahoma city and, you know, Dubuque, you know, you'll be, you'll, that's a good way to go broke. You know, it's being too scattered out, you know, like that. You, and some people may can do it, you know, I'm just not capable of doing that. You know, you have to stay close and that's how I make a living. And I keep my, another thing is, you know, you want to keep.I mean, it's just silly stuff to say this, you know, live on half of what you make, try to get used to that, you know. That's a really hard thing to tell people and that's, you know, try to live on half, you know, try to really live, you know. I've had to sell my houses before. I've had to sell my cars. I mean, I've had to, you know, when the going gets tough, you know, sometimes you got to do what you got to do. Now, on wood and thankfully.And by the grace of God, I've been able to build my net worth continually. But when you sell a property and you make a lot of money on it or you make a profit, you've got capital gains, you know, then. And so the only way not to pay those capital gains is to do, you know, to trade that property or do a 1031 tax deferred exchange and put the money into another property. So I sell a property and I get some money and I either pay a bunch of taxes on it or I have to re -spend it.Monte Anderson (28:17.826)But if I respend it, hopefully I can get a brokerage fee, an architectural fee, construction fee. And so I end up living on these fees. You know, I'll end up in these fees I pay myself. I'm able to pay myself. they're not, you know, they're market fees. They're fair to my partners, fair. You you always want to put these fees and stuff in your partnership agreements.You want to put what you're going to get paid. You always want to put that in your partnership agreement. So your partners know what you're getting paid. You want to have that upfront. You don't want that to be a surprise. You know, as you're putting, I've got partners for like over 20 years, financial partners, and they just, trust me. It's whatever you want to do, do it. You know, and because they're used to me, you know, taking care of them. And that's really important as you take care of, you know, youryour people that invest with you like that. gotta take, I would, if I had to, would sell everything I had to make sure my people are whole and my banks are paid if I had to. And I'd just start over again. I haven't had to, but thankfully, but I've sold things along the way when I really didn't want to sell them, you know, to be able to keep on going.Kevin K (29:31.323)So, I mean, I think it sounds like then, if this is a fair way to say it, that if you're doing this sort of thing, first of all, it's probably, especially for a lot of people, it's better to think of it as like a side hustle, at least initially. But more importantly, it's it's great to be able to have one of those people in the flywheel that you would normally pay a fee to.it would be great to be able to replace yourself with at least one of those. So whether that's brokerage, property management, design, engineering, anybody that you might normally be cutting a check to, if you have an expertise in one of those areas and you can claim that fee, then that is a way to keep getting yourself paid.Monte Anderson (30:13.302)Yes.Monte Anderson (30:18.538)Yeah, yeah, think about this. Think about this in your farm up there and your Kansas City farm up there. You're working on this project right now. You're having to put your fees back in, but you're also working on a project for another guy, John Doe and Jane Doe down the street. You're doing the same things. You're still improving the neighborhood. So it's really, I don't look at it as a side hustle. You're doing architecture for yourself and you're doing it for Jane and John and these other people.Kevin K (30:39.91)Okay.Monte Anderson (30:45.42)And then every third or fourth or fifth deal is your deal. And every third or fourth or fifth deal, it's your deal. And then the more you get going over time, every other deal is your deal. And then every two deals is yours and one is somebody else's. And every three deals is yours and then one is somebody else's. So over time, it becomes, but I think it's good as a small scale developer to have.the term used, side hustle, is true to be able to start right now. Because right now you can adopt a place, start doing your architecture in that place, stop building, know, start working on hospitals all over the country, just work in your own farm, and do small jobs, do storefronts, come and help people do their lettering on their windows if you're an architect. You know, help them just fix things up.You you make enough money to make a living and at the same time, now you're working on your townhomes. You know, you're working on your townhomes and now you find another project and I'm always looking for an opportunity. Because if I can find an and what is an opportunity? An opportunity is where something is below the market. Like the shopping center I bought, 90 ,000 square feet, 60 % occupied, the rates were like six or $7 a foot per year. You know.When I get through, it's 90 ,000 square feet. The rates are 22, $24 a square foot. So I bought it. It was way below the market, but the market site is a $6 building. The market didn't see it as a $24 building because it had the cheap kitchens. Like you say, in the townhouse, had, so we put good kitchen, you know, we did better and we had to do, we had to spend more, but it was, we were able to make a lot more money.And in the long run, it will be. I can tell you this on all of my projects, all of them, just a hundred percent. If I keep it long enough, I will get all my fees and a really good return because what I'm doing is improving a farm. I'm improving a community together. And as they say, it's the tide rises, so to all chefs. So every time I'm improving something in that farm, the one I've got is going up in value.Monte Anderson (33:10.412)And over time that'll go up. If we look at it at three or four years, that's where the problem is on the YouTube video that we talked about is looking at stuff that could get rich quick scheme is, don't know. There's guys who flip houses and do things. Gals that flip houses and do things that probably they get rich. They get somewhat rich, you know, I guess. And some of them get rich, I guess. And you know, you can do that.Kevin K (33:22.523)Yeah.Monte Anderson (33:38.552)That's just never been my goal in doing real estate. My goal has been one of a townmaker, you know, of making our lives better. And I know you have the same goal in mind. So do most of our friends have that goal. We want to make the built environment better. Money's important, but it's not always the only important thing.Kevin K (34:02.363)Yeah, I think it's, kind of took the words right out of my mouth. That's like, you're not, you're not describing a, get rich quick scheme at all. But you're describing something that has a different kind of reward that somebody had. Obviously your, your goal is still to make money and make good money if you, know, if you're smart about it, but you're not going to be rolling up in a brand new Maserati in two years or something like that. It's because your goal is really to improve.Monte Anderson (34:08.93)Yeah.Monte Anderson (34:28.098)Yeah. Yeah.Kevin K (34:31.525)your place and lift your own community up and do really good stuff along the way.Monte Anderson (34:39.084)Yeah. And, and like you said, make making money. always tell people wherever I go these days, making money is the most important thing. Doing good is equal, but I didn't say doing good is the most important thing first. And then make it my, you know, I said, making money, said most of them, because without making money, you can't continue. You're going to be stuck. You know, if you build those townhomes.all your money's gone and all your credit's tied up and you weren't able to sell them or you weren't able to get the rents, then everything you got's tied up. And I can't tell you how many friends I've got all over the country right now that are one time, developer and out. They're one deal and out, you know? And so when I get stuck on a project and I do, I'm on one of those right now, it's just big and it's bulky, you know, and it's hard.So I've got to continue to do these littler projects around that keep me. That's what keeps me making, know, my own salary, you know, making, you know, got to, we, had a meeting with my staff this morning and said, okay, what are we going to sell right now? What's, what's on the board that we can sell? You know, what can we do? That's when we make our fees, you know, brokerage fees and development fees when we sell these properties. And then we can do another one. We'll fix them up. And hopefully we get to.sell them to somebody good, you know, that hadn't been the case always with me. I sold some stuff to some people I didn't, I wished I wouldn't have, but sometimes I have no choice. You know, sometimes I have no choice. have to do, but the difference too, in what you and I are talking about today, you're in the middle of it yourself right now. And I am in it all the time constantly is that we're in the middle of this, you know, ofvery difficult, you know, complex, you know, maybe more complex than somebody doing a big, you know, $100 million building over here. Because a $100 million building, you've got lawyers and lobbyists and architects and planners and engineers and contractors, and you've probably got a big bid and you're going to build it all at once and it's going to be over and it's financed by the Ohio State Teacher Pension Fund.Monte Anderson (36:57.602)know, has financed it and it's probably easier because the developer didn't have to be the developers more of a financial architect, more of a financial wizard, you know, if you will, whereas a small scale developer like us, you know, we're the, you know, we're everything. Yeah, we're quite often we're the contractor, you know, handling leases, we're going to raise the money, we went to the bank to sign the note, you know, if the plumbing's broke, you know,Quite often I might be the one that's called depending on when it is, if it's in the middle of the night or something like that. We're very close and these are personal. We know the names of our tenants or our buyers. kind of, know our people. That's the big difference. And so you gotta be, you gotta really be, I think more knowledgeable sometimes about building, about developing and building. And I would think that this is the way people were a hundred years ago. I would think.100 years ago when there was no financing, or maybe a little longer, but 100 years ago when there was no financing and you're building these projects in towns with all cash or borrowed money from the attorney in town who had a little money, or that's quite often who's building those things back in those days. Quite often it was bankers and attorneys back then, bankers built.We're developers. can't do that these days because of the laws, but quite often bankers and things were developers. And you were raising all cash and you're doing it. That's why all of the buildings are small, a lot smaller back in C. And they were built incrementally. When we talked about incremental development, we didn't invent incremental development. That's the way the beginning of time. Yes.Kevin K (38:48.143)Yeah. Yeah. That's the way all development was until really fairly recently. I'm curious about if you could talk about some of the ways things go wrong. So you mentioned you have some friends who are like one project and out. What's going on? How does something like this really go wrong for somebody where, or are there a couple of key mistakes to just really watch out for?Monte Anderson (38:55.5)Yeah, it was.Monte Anderson (39:16.748)Yeah, the biggest mistake is humility, not enough humility. I mean, really to have that open mind to really look at the reality and the facts, know, really have your ego checked and the reality of facts. You really need to look at those facts. Do not try to, you know, cherry coat it. not try to do that.What happens in these cases is be a guy like you or me was starting out, you you put together a deal and you put all your money in, you put all your money in just to get the plans done and, you know, know, down payment on the property and engineering and, you know, bank fees and attorney's fees. And you put all your money up, you got your money. And then now you got a couple of partners and you've promised these partners. You've promised them certain things, you know, that are probably too good to be true.Kind of like the guy on YouTube. Probably too good to be true. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. And we've promised those. And we've promised those things and now it's not the right, we said it was. Or we want to upgrade the kitchens. Or I want to change the spaces. In fact, I have a meeting this afternoon at four o 'clock after this to talk to one of my partners about this exact.Kevin K (40:21.903)Yeah, if it sounds super easy, watch out.Monte Anderson (40:44.318)banking today and saying we need more, we need more money. And then you, then you, can't get much more money. You, you, you spend two or three years getting their project together. You used all your money, you used all your in -laws money to part of your investors. You got your credit tied up. You finally did get, say that in the best cases or in some of the best cases, you got it all built. It's built and you're not, you're for one thing, you're brain dead.your brain dead, you're just deal dead. And secondly, you've got no more money. You got no more credit. You've got to go back to work wherever you are, doing whatever you can to make money. Because you still had your house and your wife and your kids. You still had to, and so that's actually best case in some scenarios, you didn't go broke. But in many cases where the deal maker, the promoter, the developer promises things.They might even lose their interest because they can't, especially if it depends on how they promise the payback to the investors. You could actually lose your interest. call that, you there's a preferred return. A preferred return is when you would maybe guarantee an investor return. You would guarantee them maybe a 6 % preferred return, which means you're going to get 6 % from day one in the deal. And if you can't pay me back, that's 6 % plus a percentage of the profit.then I take your interest. And that happens, that happens a lot. And that's not as bad as a bankruptcy or a foreclosure, but you ended up doing all this work and you end up with nothing. And so I never do preferred returns with anybody. I never do those, just don't do them. There's too many unknown things. There's just too many things that can happen. Preferred returns sometimes it's like having a bad credit card. You can't get the interest, you know, paid.And it just keeps going every day while you're having delays or not getting the project done quick enough.Kevin K (42:51.697)So then for your, do you have a recommendation then for dealing with investors so that you don't have to do the preferred return? How would you structure, recommend structuring?Monte Anderson (42:59.246)Yeah, I do. I do. have a, what I call the whole pie. I'd say it's the promoter. And this is, I'm going to oversimplify this, promoter, the developer, you put up the money to pursue all the money to do the deal, the architecture, the due diligence, the earnest money, the legal money, and you sign the note. And then the investors, which you may be an investor in your own deal. If you put cash in your own deal, your investors get 50 % of the deal.And they put up 100 % of the cash needed, the equity needed. And as the cashflow is there, they get their equity, they get their equity back first. No percentage return. They get their equity back first. And once their equity is all paid back, then you split 50 -50. So you're 50 % going in, you're 50%. But they get all their money back. And here's the thing about investors. Most of time, once they get their money back, they're very...They're very flexible then once they get their principal back. And then in the meantime, you say, well, I got no fees. How am I going to make a living? Well, you make your living off the development fee, the leasing fees, the management fees. So you're making those fees back. then, then if you get the building leased up and this is what I'm doing here at where we speak right now, is I'll get this thing leased up and stabilized with no more construction going on. Then I can go out on the market and get a better loan.So I can get a better loan. know, lenders during construction, you know, you've probably experienced this. You lenders are very nervous during construction.Kevin K (44:35.218)yeah, that's the riskiest time period.Monte Anderson (44:38.252)Yeah. And so they're in, this way, this way people get back, they get back to their percentage when they get it here, when it comes back, you're going to get it when it comes back. Now I got to treat them right. And I got to do my best to get their money back. And that taking me time to build relationships where I can, where I can get this done. And these are also community investors. And I would say, what is a community investor? It's a person that's, it's typically a baby boomer, generally speaking between.It's worth between three million and $20 million net worth. That's gotta have 100, 200, 300 ,000, 1 ,000 they can put in one of your projects. Maybe there's three or four of them if you need a bigger amount. they're gonna be like around, it's somebody you can have coffee with and talk to. No, they're gonna be...more empathetic with you, you know, if you're honest with them, you know, always be honest with them. Always telling the bad news and the truth. Always. Don't hold, don't hold back and surely don't hide it. Don't hide. Don't, don't do that. Don't do that. People are, people are, people are forgiving and better when, the truth, when you're, when you have a true, you know,You have a true relationship that's not full of hidden things and it's just a, it's better. And it always comes out in the end. It always comes out better for you. And they know you're committed.Kevin K (46:21.263)Yeah, was gonna say eventually you might be able to hide something for a little bit, but it's gonna come out.Monte Anderson (46:26.604)Yeah. Yeah. You're not going to be able to be careful with your numbers. And I've done this. mean, I've, you know, I've been too optimistic on my numbers, you know, I mean, cause I wanted to do the project, you know, and, I have people around me that keep me balanced in that place. said my long time CFO here, he's an old banker back when he he's been with me forever, I always give him proformas and stuff. do. said, look,Kevin K (46:46.16)HaMonte Anderson (46:56.27)shoot holes in this, really, just really take my stuff apart. Really look at it, critique it, challenge it. Tell me I can't lease that space for this much, or I can't resell it, or I can't know why I can build a restaurant for $100 a square foot. It's gotta be 150, no matter how you look. Tell me those things. Tell me I can't manage this thing for $5 a square foot. It's gotta be, critique me.Yeah. Keep me balanced.Kevin K (47:27.867)So yeah, I think that's great advice. Always have somebody that you have a relationship enough with that you can ask them to poke holes in what you're doing. So I mean, we've talked about some of the downside, there's also, mean, the reality is we're interested in this and a lot of people are interested in this because there's a ton of enjoyment that comes out of it as well. Some financial, but a lot of it non -financial. I think one of the things justMonte Anderson (47:37.88)Yeah.Kevin K (47:57.243)For me personally, I'll never be able to shake loose the architect inside me and I just love seeing buildings going up. the incredible reward you have to know that you worked on something and you can see it manifested physically is pretty awesome. So there's all those things and it kind of like we were talking a little bit about earlier, I think one of the things that I remind myself of.Monte Anderson (48:16.92)Yeah.Kevin K (48:26.845)frequently is that sometimes you just have to make a decision to just go and to just do it. And you can definitely get paralysis analysis here in this always hoping for the perfect timing and the perfect deal. But there's never really any such thing. at some point, you want to do your homework and everything. there comes a point where you just got to pull the trigger and try it and do something, right?Monte Anderson (48:33.186)Yeah.Monte Anderson (48:54.402)Yeah, yeah, I'm very instinct guided by instinct. I mean, I'm very guided by instinct. Now, mean, you've seen me before work on numbers and stuff, you know, I'm constantly running numbers. When I see projects, I can see it with numbers. I see the numbers and the spaces and the sizes and what the rents should be and.operations that cost and stuff like that. yeah, at some point, there's no way you're going to be able to prove it and you just got to go for it. You just got to. And to your right to see a project go from like you've seen, you know, go out of the ground to see it come up. mean, to watch the framing and, know, from the plumbing, watching the plumbing stick up and the framing. mean, there's, there's something so great about that, especially when you're doing a project that's worthy, you know, worthy project. It's something.I mean, we were meant to be builders, think, as humans, especially. I mean, we were meant to build and to do good things upon the earth. Hopefully we could do better things than we've done upon the earth, than some of the things we've done, but we were meant to be builders. And there's nothing like it to see.project. have photos all around my office of projects and things that and it's just so good to see all of that and to also have made a decent living and built some wealth you know and today I have my daughter and my granddaughter both work with me and to have that that legacy or that start of something isIt's like there's no way any amount of money could make me feel as good as looking at some of these projects and just seeing businesses thrive and people have decent places to live. There's something so special about that. Otherwise, I'd just be a broker today, just brokering deals and wouldn't care. I think there's something in us that wants us to be townmakers.Kevin K (51:00.581)MmMonte Anderson (51:00.704)It wants us to make our towns better. And maybe it's you're not the developer. Maybe you're just one of the champions, the community champions, or you're just an activist in the community that supports this. It's nice to have people like that. Those are very important people to me. People that cheer me on and don't just criticize me. They're very important, you know, to me. They're just as important as anybody, you know, but that, but there's something so good about that. And then, then you will, if you can, if you can.If you can commit, here's why committing to your neighborhood or your farm or your place for the rest of your life is so important. Because once you commit to that place like that, you commit. The universe changes around you. It makes things easier. Well, I don't know about easier. It makes things doable. It gives you resources. It gives you things that you wouldn't have had when you make that.when you don't have that commitment. gives people come to you and they want to sell you a property cheaper or they want to, you know, people will invest with you. People will do things with you when they know that you're a true, you're champion like that. And then you will make money. And I think people and my partners and stuff, they want me to make money. They allow me to make money on these projects. They want me to make money. You know, I have to make them money too, but, and to...see all the small businesses that I deal with and the people that I've seen in housing that may not have had housing and subcontractors and welders and carpenters and know painters and people that around me help them build their businesses and stuff I'm involved in all of that there's I mean I can't imagine doing anything better I don't know what it would be maybe I could be a missionary or something do better work or something but I don't know this is good stuff well this is just goodKevin K (52:49.563)Yeah. Well, you're a missionary of sorts. You're a certain.Monte Anderson (52:57.312)It's good stuff, it's good, you and it helps you help people. You help build a better, you hope you do. Not everything I've done is always the best for sure, because I've made a lot of mistakes, but that would be the hope that you are able to leave something decent. By the way, my other granddaughter just graduated from Stephen F. Austin in Texas to be an architect.Kevin K (53:24.729)wow. All right.Monte Anderson (53:25.644)So that was really cool. she's, you know, I got kids, so there's family trees, you know, starting to be architects and developers and stuff. it's a good.Kevin K (53:36.625)I feel like we're starting to brainwash our kids in that regard too. We've got them, you know, all those like HGTV type shows. We got them watching those and they're really enjoying them. And it's fun to watch with them. The latest one that we found, which I guess is not a new show, I guess it's like seven years old, but there was a show called You Can't Turn That Into a House. And it was actually three guys from Kansas City whoMonte Anderson (53:40.994)Alright.Monte Anderson (53:46.396)yeah.Monte Anderson (54:01.6)Yes.Kevin K (54:05.821)made the show and they take these things like, you know, they'll take a couple of school buses or a grain silo or a horse trailer or whatever, and turn it into like a little house. and it's just like the coolest thing. And they do it on these ridiculous schedules and ridiculous budgets, but that act of creativity is so just, you know, incredible. And I remember actually, I think the first one we saw that it was like this, this stuff kind of reminds me of Monty because.Monte Anderson (54:20.78)Yeah.Kevin K (54:34.489)you have done some really cool, creative, unique stuff with your projects that are way outside the box on what people would normally look at, especially for your retail stuff.Monte Anderson (54:44.15)Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We use a lot of trailers and stuff like that. love buses and trailers and things. Yeah. Kind of cool. Yeah.Kevin K (54:49.435)Yeah.Kevin K (54:52.977)So it's fun work and I agree it's fun to share it with others and everything else.Monte Anderson (55:00.111)Yeah. We do need to make more money as small middle class developers and stuff. We do need to make more money. So we need to continue to teach each other and help each other. That's another thing about the friends that you and I have. I think we all pay it forward. We're all always trying to help each other, I think. And that's a good thing.Kevin K (55:21.477)Yeah. Well, Monty, where can people find you next? Or you mentioned earlier some places you're going to be roaming around to. Where else are you working these days?Monte Anderson (55:34.934)Let's see, South Bend, Indiana, Elkhart, Indiana, Denton, Texas, Regina, Canada, Dubuque, let's see, Lafayette, Louisiana, getting ready to start in Orlando, Florida. Of course, Bernice Riedel is working in Buffalo and Jim Cooman in Minneapolis, Minnesota. And then we've done a little bit of work or still doing work in Kansas City or in Grandview.Missouri with an abandoned golf course down there that you remember. We're still working on that. They got their financing and bought that, the people that were helping. And then you can always reach us at neighborhoodevolution .com and optionsre .com. And we're always here. We do, we only do development, you know, in my farm, in my local area of Southern Dallas County. Southern Dallas County is where I work. And then we...Kevin K (56:11.867)Good. Good.Monte Anderson (56:32.022)Then we coach and teach and train, help cities create ecosystems all over the country through neighborhood evolution.Kevin K (56:44.571)Well, we just ran into Bernice recently. was here in Kansas City giving a keynote speech for a Missouri Main Streets Conference. So that was kind of cool to see. terrific. All right. We'll say hello.Monte Anderson (56:51.916)Yeah, and she's right outside my door right now here in Texas. She's riding with me to Lafayette tomorrow. yeah, we're meeting Marcus. Marcus King in Detroit will meet us in Lafayette. So Marcus is coming.Kevin K (56:59.451)Good, good. All right, Monty.cool, good, good. All right, well I'm jealous. Sounds like a fun crew. So. All right, Monty, thanks so much. This was great, very informative and I'm sure we will do it again.Monte Anderson (57:09.218)Yeah.Monte Anderson (57:17.762)Yeah, thank you, Kevin. See you soon. Bye.Kevin K (57:19.205)All right, take care. Get full access to The Messy City at kevinklinkenberg.substack.com/subscribe

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Your favorite ladies are so excited to be back with all the gems in this new episode! Make sure to have your drinks ready for this one, maybe even two! Snooping and Twitter  fingers, what do you do when you see something you weren't supposed to?  Is your friends ex from 10 years ago really off limits, or is this fair game? Join us as we discuss the ins and outs of getting back to focusing on yourself, and that friend that might be a little too focused on others. With the new presidential candidate, and all the tussling online your girls have so much to unpack this episode! We promise you‘re going to laugh, maybe even self reflect  , but you are going to enjoy this ride! XoXo, Petty Party Podcast Be sure to head over to https://shop.luvmehair.com/ and check out their stunning collection of closures, bundles, and units. Use code "PP25" at checkout for 25% off your purchase! And when you get your fabulous new hair, tag us @pettypartypod and @luvmehair—we want to see those gorgeous tresses! Don't forget to tell a friend to tell a friend... to tell a friend! Love ya, byeeee! Get Interactive with us!Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@pettypartypodcast  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pettypartypodTwitter: https://twitter.com/pettypartypodTiktok: https://tiktok.com/pettypartypodEmail: PettyParty12814@gmail.com Follow us!Crystal: @champagnecrysJori: @jorialiahMichelle: @chellysaysNikki: @stanleyogleveePaulette: @amakalette

Hehehe... This is gonna be a good one folks, and Eric is missing out! The one and only Marissa Kovach is filling in his nasty running shoes though. Grayce and Marissa sit down and talk to Laura Laidacker about her breast enlargement and how it affected her running. Join in on the fun episode to hear all things Knockers, Boobs and Jugs!!!

HaHa and Hehehe

In this episode, Tobi has quite a lot to say, from discussing Rema's new song “HEHEHE” and her excitement for his new album to KP's disappearing act and summer plans. KP also has something to say about work snitches and his personal experience with one. Join the convo using #CruisingOutwest! Share your thoughts on the episode and follow us on Instagram and Twitter @CruisingOutwest, @tobiskoko, and @KpFawehinmi.

I'm not often left speechless when I'm interviewing guests, but for a few moments here I struggled to digest what Rebekah Kik was telling me about Kalamazoo. If you're a planner, you must listen to this episode. This is a truly inspirational effort in a city that doesn't get the limelight. For a city of about 75,000 people in a quiet corner of Michigan, the staff and community have done amazing work.The story is mostly about a planning effort called Imagine Kalamazoo, which sounds like every garden-variety planning effort everywhere. But, the way it came together and what it produced in short order is truly unique. Learn how a plan executed at a high level helped attract corporate funding on the back side that will help the day-to-day livability of the city.Along the way, we trace Rebekah's career from a small college in Michigan, Andrews University, to working as an architect and planner. She talks about how her drawing skills helped her survive the Great Recession, and how her tenacity is helping her home town get better.I've said before, and I'll stand by it, that the most innovative work in local governments happens in smaller cities and towns. Kalamazoo definitely rings the bell for that theory - accomplishing the kinds of successful efforts that we so rarely see in large cities. More to come on that at a future date.Find more content on The Messy City on Kevin's Substack page.Music notes: all songs by low standards, ca. 2010. Videos here. If you'd like a CD for low standards, message me and you can have one for only $5.Intro: “Why Be Friends”Outro: “Fairweather Friend”Episode Transcript:Kevin K (00:00.802) Welcome back to the Messy City Podcast. This is Kevin Klinkenberg. Sometimes you, over the course of your career, you get to know people and see them and see, watch their careers evolve along with yours. And if you're fortunate, you can see people, meet people when they're young and see them grow into all sorts of new positions and do interesting work. And today I'm fortunate to have a guest that's a little bit like that. We have... The assistant city manager for Kalamazoo, Michigan, Rebecca Kick here. Rebecca, how you doing? Rebekah Kik (00:39.082) I'm really well Kevin, thank you. Kevin K (00:41.666) I was just thinking earlier, I think I met you originally when you were a student at Andrews, is that right? Rebekah Kik (00:47.594) That's correct. We got to intersect our paths when I was on charrette with Professor Philip Bess. Kevin K (00:58.594) Yeah, yeah. So, and Phil, we've had Phil here on the show before. He'll probably do so again, I'm sure, especially now that he's in retirement and his schedule is going to open up a little bit more. But yeah, those were some fun days that seemed like about a million years ago. Rebekah Kik (01:17.194) It really was. Mostly because I used to just chase Philip at his heels. I knew he was doing cool things. I did. I just knew he was doing cool things and I wanted to know desperately what he was doing and I begged him to take me. where he was going. I told him I would do anything. I would fetch coffee. I would make copies. You know, get lunches. I would do whatever he needed me to do. I would be that gopher, that little sponge, because I knew he was hanging around with cool people and I wanted to learn and know and do. And I believe that charrette Kevin K (01:48.61) You Rebekah Kik (02:14.633) was in Grand Rapids, Michigan. And it was in the Hartside neighborhood. And that was the first time I had ever heard, I believe at that time, we were calling them traditional neighborhood codes or they weren't called form -based codes yet. They were regulating plans or something like that. They were much more technical still at that point. But they were... Kevin K (02:16.609) Yep. Yeah, that was all like early days stuff for new urbanism and coding and all that. So let's just go back to that a little bit, Rebecca. I just, I think it's interesting. So you went to a really small college in Michigan, Andrews University. Did you, did you like grow up in Michigan or how did you find Andrews? Rebekah Kik (02:45.834) Yes. Rebekah Kik (02:56.394) Mm -hmm. Rebekah Kik (03:02.058) Yes, I did. So I grew up in Kalamazoo, Michigan and I didn't know I wanted to be an architect. My mother was an administrative assistant in an architecture firm and I had my own desk at the firm. She would pick me up from school and I would sit at my desk and I was given different kinds of plans all the time that I would be finishing with different templates that I would draw and I would be picking out finishes and finish drawing, finish the plans. They would teach me how to add walls, tell me about wall thicknesses, things like that. They were building foam core models that, you know, maybe that model didn't meet the... client specs or whatever. So I would take the model home and I would finish it myself. I was doing architecture all the time and the architects at the time would just laugh at me because I'd be like, I can't be an architect. That's not a real job. And the whole time just loving everything that they were doing. And so finally, of course, here was graduating from high school and I told my mom's boss. Kevin K (04:13.826) Hehehehe Rebekah Kik (04:26.378) I was looking for an architecture school and that's when he said, where are you visiting? Where are you going? And I said, well, I just visited University of Michigan. Went to Lawrence Institute of Technology and he said, have you gone to Andrews University yet? And I said, no, you know, where's that at? And he goes, well, please do. You know, it's down in Bering Springs. And I... have to say I walked through the door I saw this nearly four foot tall and it was built completely out of wood and it was this craftsman, this quarter scale craftsman home. And the details were so beautiful and hanging behind it was this analytics. Rebekah Kik (05:29.418) It was hand drawn. It was ink rendered, you know, like the Chinese style ink, you know, Richard Akonomakis from the University of Notre Dame came and taught this third year course, this analytic course. And then in your fourth year, you built this model. I was captivated. That was it. It was this. moment and then I met with Lou Seibold and I walked around that it's a pole barn. Let's be honest, if you have not visited Andrews University, you look at the work on the walls and you can't peel your eyes away. But if you zoom out for a second, you will lose it because it is a pole barn and a series of trailers. But the work Kevin K (06:19.17) Hehehe Rebekah Kik (06:25.738) and the students and the heart and the community that is built at Andrews will suck you in and you will know. Kevin K (06:36.962) Yeah. Yeah. I had the pleasure to come speak at Andrew's one time and then do some critiques. And it's a really unique, it's a very small college. And it's a religious college or it's affiliated with the Seventh -day Adventist. And it's one of the few colleges in the country that for lots and lots of years has actually taught a more sort of traditional pre -war. Rebekah Kik (06:46.378) Mm -hmm. Kevin K (07:04.738) approach to architectural design and urban design. So, I mean, that all, when you're 18 years old, you don't really know or understand any of that stuff. But I mean, how do you think that shaped your educational experience? Rebekah Kik (07:18.922) my goodness. The first book that I was handed in my first year, first class, Timeless Way of Building. And that was it. It shaped everything. When you're handed a treatise like that, your whole life is set on this path. And you realize Kevin K (07:30.242) Hmm. Yeah. Rebekah Kik (07:48.33) that there's. There's a healing you can do in the work. that. Rebekah Kik (08:05.482) Yeah, there's a healing that you can do in your work and there's a harm that you can do in your work. And I chose the path of healing. And you realize that when you graduate, let me be clear, once you get out into that world and you, especially in your fifth year at Andrews, by your fifth year, you're doing sort of these professional practice classes. you are seeing, and finally with these eyes, you're at the, you know, the scales fall off and you're like, my God, you know, suburban sprawl. And you understand like what the built environment is. And you, you understand like what your responsibility to, you know, how you place your buildings and, that you have this moral responsibility, for what you're doing in. in the space and you now want to repair and you want to show others that you can repair. And I remember entering professional practice and driving every architecture firm that I then proceeded to work for insane. Kevin K (09:33.666) You Rebekah Kik (09:34.377) Because I catch, they'd be like, okay, in turn, you know, read the zoning rules, tell us where we can put the building. And I'd say, but these are wrong. We shouldn't put our building like this. And they go, Rebecca, come on, like, really, just tell us where does the building go? Like, tell us the building envelope, like, just do the sketch. And I'm like, but we can't do it like this. it shouldn't be this way. Like, look at the, look at across the street. Like, this isn't responsible. You have to go somewhere else. Kevin K (10:10.178) Yeah. Yeah, it does kind of ruin you for working in like a lot of typical architecture firms, especially like big shops. Rebekah Kik (10:21.386) It does. It does. And so you have to be, and this is what I tell architects who are graduating, like you, I'm so sorry, like you're ruined now. Like you have to be really, really careful about who you're going to work with and for, and where you're going to go because you are going to be frustrated and you're going to frustrate others. Kevin K (10:37.762) Yeah. Kevin K (10:44.098) Yeah. Well, I will tell you one thing I do remember from my visits to Andrew's is I was so jealous of the drawing ability of what I saw the students creating. And long after I had gone off and graduated from college and I would see the work that you all were producing and the work that students at Notre Dame was producing, I would just think, my God, these students are all going to get great jobs because look at this They can all draw and it's beautifully done. And it really, you know, it left me feeling like, okay, I better go find something else to do. Rebekah Kik (11:21.578) You know, I do say that kept me employed during the downturn. And it kept me flexibly employed. So I got laid off three times. And that was hard. And it allowed me to seriously surf those crazy waves. because I could draw. So I got employed by, this is how I learned planning by experience. Because I was never interested in planning school. I could never have just planned school. I just, I don't have the patience for it. But I was able to walk alongside of planners. Kevin K (12:07.778) Mm -hmm. Rebekah Kik (12:18.858) and transportation planners especially, and engineers. And I could help them express their vision. So when they were doing road diets, you know, I worked for Gladding Jackson in Orlando. And that was so much fun. My time with them, I spent six years with them after UDA. Because, and that's what I did. I was there, one of their lead illustrators on their transportation planning team. And that's how I got hired was because I could draw. And I did everything vertical because they could, they had great planners and they could do everything flat. And they needed someone to vision everything vertical and do all the infill when they were doing the sprawl repair, when they were doing highway teardowns. then I could come in, do the SketchUp model, and then vision everything vertical for them. Yeah. Kevin K (13:23.234) Interesting. So one thing I will say real quick is, I think I may have pushed you to move the mic a little too close. I'm getting a touch of static off of it. So there you go. That's fine. Test that there. Okay. Let's try that. don't worry, I can edit and cut things. That's not a big deal. So, well, I think about that and I think it's a great testimony to having an actual skill. Rebekah Kik (13:36.906) Okay. Rebekah Kik (13:43.274) Okay. Kevin K (13:53.058) You know, and you, you know, you and some of the others that came out of those schools had to have a real marketable skill, which was really learning how to draw beautifully by hand, which, you know, I think a lot of people think that that's just something you can either do or you can't do, but it actually is teachable. And, and so I've always been jealous of that. And I've observed something similar to what you talked about that the folks that I knew in the profession who had that ability to draw by hand. Rebekah Kik (13:53.738) Yes. Rebekah Kik (14:09.994) Yes. Kevin K (14:22.626) They have never lacked for work. They have always had people wanting to hire them. And of course, the better you are at it, the more work that you get. So it's even in our high tech age, that ability to just be able to sit down and draw beautifully by hand is incredibly valuable. Rebekah Kik (14:41.226) Yeah, it is. And I feel like even in my job now as city, when I, when I got hired by the city of Kalamazoo, even as city planner, just being able to sit down with whoever I'm talking to, when I can pull out a piece of paper and draw, it's like a universal communication. It just feels really good. I love it. Kevin K (15:12.546) Well, it's like a superpower. I mean, I've seen that, you know, so many, so many times even, you know, with fellow architects in other firms, like when I was a young person and I, there was a project manager I worked with when we did a lot of schools and he had a great ability to just like, we would meet with a client and all of a sudden he could just whip out a sheet of paper really quickly, three -dimensionally diagram what we were talking about and everybody got it. And it was just like, bam. Rebekah Kik (15:19.946) Yeah. Kevin K (15:41.538) I never really had that ability very well. So I probably appreciate that in other people. And then I've often like overpaid for it just because like, you know, I know how important those drawings are. So I always like to hire good, good renders and people who can really, really draw. So you talked about, you bounced around a little bit. You survived the meltdown, the economic meltdown in 2008, 2010. Rebekah Kik (16:04.298) Yeah. Kevin K (16:10.69) How did you end up back in Kalamazoo? Which I didn't know you grew up there. That's really cool. So you're working for a city government and a place you grew up. Rebekah Kik (16:16.618) Yeah. Yeah, so that's a little bit about how I ended up back here. So the last layoff in 2010, Gladding Jackson merged with AECOM. Kevin K (16:33.89) huh. Rebekah Kik (16:36.138) I was a tough one. I was a little too much for a lot of me and my Gliding Jackson colleagues kind of scattered after that one. And I ended up with a really great freelance contract after that one. I was doing a lot of fun on -call planning, transportation planning work in Southern Colorado. And lots of good things came out of that. But one good relationship that came out of it was a transportation planning relationship with Brad Strader out of LSL planning who was in Detroit at the time. And so I was coming back to Michigan. I had grandparent who passed away who was in Richland, Michigan, which is just outside of Kalamazoo and Me and my brother had actually inherited her home and My brother was gonna remain in Kentucky. He didn't want to move back home and I said well I had just had my son and just got married and we had our first child and I was like Those are the things that bring you home Kevin K (18:04.418) Sounds familiar. Rebekah Kik (18:05.61) Yep. So Xander was 10 months old and we moved back to Michigan and I started contracting with LSL planning and I started doing some charrette work with them in Kalamazoo and Lansing. And I was doing some traveling to Toledo and Detroit and doing some charrette work and things like that with them. It was fun. And so one of those projects was on Portage Street here in Kalamazoo. And we were doing some work and the city of Kalamazoo was like, what is this team? Like, what is this process that they're doing? We did all kinds of really cool exercises on this road diet that we were going to do on this four lane road. And they were like, whoa, this. She's a planner and architect and she talks like an engineer and we need a city planner. Let's take her out to lunch. She says she's from Kalamazoo. Does she know we need a city planner? So they did. They took me out to lunch and I told them, you know, gosh, I really love my work with LSL right now. you know, I kind of have a really cake job. They pay me really well and working on all these really fun projects. That's when the Q line was about to go into Detroit. I had already done some light rail in Vancouver and Minneapolis, and I really loved doing light rail projects. And... they started to tell me, we're about to start this new master plan for the city of Kalamazoo. Gosh, we haven't had a city planner in like a year. We really need somebody like you here. We really, you know, don't have a vision for transportation for the city. And I just thought, gosh, I was like, I'm not a planner, though, you guys. Like, I don't really, I don't really know if you would Rebekah Kik (20:30.346) like somebody like me here, they said, well, why don't you just interview? Would you just interview, just meet us? And so I said, OK, well, maybe I'll just interview. So I went back home and I talked to my husband about it. And I said, you know, maybe I'll just interview. Maybe. You know, I wouldn't be traveling so much and things like that. And Zana is still little, so maybe that's better, you know, that I'm just home more. So, you know, I interviewed, and then they asked me for a second interview. And they said, would you prepare a PowerPoint about how you would run a master plan process for us? Kevin K (21:24.898) You're like, well, yeah, I can do that. Rebekah Kik (21:26.73) And I thought, okay, sure, why not? I'll show you how I'd run your master plan process. So I put this Imagine Kalamazoo process together and I thought, okay, now we'll see if they really want to hire me. I'll blow them away, right? Like I'm just gonna do the kitchen sink it down. Let's see if they're up for this. And I did, I threw the kitchen sink at them. I was like, who is it? Kevin K (21:42.914) He he. Rebekah Kik (21:54.762) here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna have 70 person work group. You're gonna engage 5 ,000 people in your city and you are gonna, you're gonna go to where they are. You're not having these town hall meetings. You're gonna have youth development. You are going to, you know, because I did all this stuff in Colorado. I did these 26 like county meetings and I had them all build off of each other. I did like these really crazy engagement kind of things. And they lapped it up. Like they loved it so much. And they were like, yes, you know, you're hired. And that's like, my gosh, now I have to deliver. Kevin K (22:37.858) Hahaha Rebekah Kik (22:41.354) and I did, I delivered it. I became city planner. I ran the largest community engagement, the city has ever done. I engaged nearly 5 ,000 people through 75 ,000. Kevin K (23:01.086) my God. And how big is Kalamazoo? Jeez. So like, boy, about 15 % or so of the population. That's incredible. Rebekah Kik (23:08.554) Yes, and this is where the surreal meter just goes off the chart. It resulted in... several billionaires in our city creating a permanent $500 million endowment called the Foundation for Excellence for the City of Kalamazoo to permanently implement Imagine Kalamazoo forever. Kevin K (23:52.546) So, I mean, my jaw is dropping here. I'm sitting here trying to absorb this. So, all right. So first of all, I have to, so how does a town of 75 ,000 people have billionaires at all? Rebekah Kik (24:05.93) Striker, Pfizer, Zollettis. What else do we have? The Upjohn Pharmaceutical Company started here. Yeah, we have several medical manufacturing and pharmaceutical, like the... COVID vaccine ground zero is here. Yeah. So. That's how we have like the billionaires are here, but they saw that we were doing something drastically different with our community outreach. They saw that. Kevin K (25:03.042) So when, I mean, that's an enormous amount of money in any community to contribute to some sort of, what sorts of things did they think they wanted to immediately fund? Rebekah Kik (25:15.818) So they, the first thing they did was they made us economically competitive with all of the other municipalities around us and they lowered our tax villages to be even with everyone else around us. So that's one thing that they did was they stabilized all of our property taxes. So they actually Yes. Rebekah Kik (25:44.906) give the city seven million dollars a year so we had a level playing field for all of our. Secondly, the priorities within Imagine Kalamazoo are things like making sure that we have all of our sidewalk connections. We have all of our potholes filled. We have all of our core services are taken care of. All of our trees are trimmed. All of our lights are lit. All of our streets are swept. Like we have solid core services. Then all of our parks are moat. All of our football fields look amazing. All of our youth programs are taken care of. We have things like summer camps. It's called Super Rec. Recreation programs, our pools are open always. You know, those are like what? call like our community promise that all of those things are tip top shape, always quality and level of service are met. And then we have what are called like our aspirational things. So maybe we want to make sure that Every neighborhood that has a major park also has a splash pad. That would be aspirational. So we've been working on making sure that those parks have great splash pads. And we've installed about four of those now. The next aspirational thing that we have is making sure that Rebekah Kik (27:43.658) All of our bike lanes are connected throughout the city so that you can ride from your, you know, just about every school is connected or elementary school is connected within a quarter mile distance, you know, reasonably. So we're kind of mapping that out and making sure that we have like that good safe routes to school plan. So that's another aspiration that we have. Kevin K (28:09.186) Mm -hmm. Rebekah Kik (28:13.738) So things like that. Kevin K (28:13.986) So then like how much of those things that you described are like under the banner of like the city government, it's what it does year after year and how much of it is like through this additional corporate support. Rebekah Kik (28:26.666) Yeah, we would never be able to do this under what the city government has. We just don't have enough tax base and enough of our own funding to do that. And so we use this additional five to $8 million per year that we get from that $500 million endowment. That's what we get about like the interest. Kevin K (28:37.058) Mm -hmm. Kevin K (28:49.026) Okay. Rebekah Kik (28:53.034) from that $500 million is about $5 to $8 million additional aspirational funding is what we get to go with. Kevin K (29:02.082) So their idea is to try to keep that $500 million as capital long term. And then they're spending the interest or giving it back to the city. Just by comparison, what's your city budget overall? The total city budget. Do you have an idea? Rebekah Kik (29:06.026) Mm -hmm. Yep. Rebekah Kik (29:10.922) Yep. Yes. Rebekah Kik (29:17.61) Yeah, it's about 182 million. Yeah. We're like 25 square miles, just to give you an idea. We're pretty compact city. We're very, I mean, we've got some big streets. We're pretty walkable. Pretty compact. Kevin K (29:23.746) Okay. So cute. Kevin K (29:31.266) Okay, 180, yeah. Yeah. Kevin K (29:40.77) Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's an older city that was probably largely built out pre -World War II. Yeah. So, so that's interesting. So then maybe in any given year, it could be five to 10 % of the city budget more or less, depending on how it works out that that's getting kicked in extra. That's pretty cool. Rebekah Kik (29:44.554) Yes. Mm -hmm. Yes. Mm -hmm. Rebekah Kik (29:56.97) Yes. Yeah, and we do, we also have like a incremental development loan program for housing. We've got pre -permitted housing plans. We do small business development out of those funds. Yeah, we've got a lot of buckets. Kevin K (30:20.898) Well, so let's talk about some of those buckets. What do you mean by your incremental development fund? What's that all about? Rebekah Kik (30:24.842) Yeah. Rebekah Kik (30:29.258) Yeah, so back in that day also when I was the Young City Planner in 2015, Kevin K (30:39.266) And how many planners are on staff? Rebekah Kik (30:42.762) So at that time, there were five of us. Okay? And everybody had their own job. So, you know, I had a historic preservation coordinator. I had a zoning administrator. I had a site plan coordinator. I had no general planners. That was me. I was the generalist on staff as the quote unquote city planner. Kevin K (31:08.482) Mm -hmm. Rebekah Kik (31:14.026) And so I. I knew the zoning code was completely broken. And before I was going to start the master plan, I read all the past master plans back to 1977. So there were four master plans. And the 1998 plan was the most curious. And it had said, it's in this little sidebar, which send it to you. It says, you have a problem to solve. You have a contradiction to solve. You're a city that relies on a tax base. However, you want to reduce that by expanding your lot sizes. because it was saying, you know, you wanted to go to the suburban model. They wanted to create 60 foot wide lots and really suburbanize, creating this R1 district. However, you're a city that relies on taxes. And their standard lot size at that time was 32 feet. And so they're like, basically, you're crushing your tax base. Kevin K (32:43.618) Yeah, so kind of a classic Strong Town's math problem here with the development pattern. Rebekah Kik (32:45.418) And so. Yes. And so here it is in that 1998 sidebar, like some consultant just like shoved it in there and said like, warning, warning, Will Robinson, it's over here. And so I had read that and at that time, Jim Cooman was the executive director there and he was in town doing this. Kevin K (32:58.786) Hahaha Rebekah Kik (33:20.554) developer boot camp with us and I handed the zoning code to Jim and John Anderson and I said hey you guys I think I'm reading our master plan and what I would really love is if you guys just maybe just flip through this with your small developer brains and maybe mark it up a little bit and Tell me what I need to do through like maybe a first blush. Like what if I could do anything right now, change anything, what would I do? And I still have John Anderson's red lines of my zoning code. I refuse to get rid of that. I swear, I'm gonna give it to the museum. Yes, and. Kevin K (34:08.514) Hehehe Yeah, you should frame it and, you know, hang it up. Rebekah Kik (34:17.994) Because it is the first text amendment and this is when we decided we would not do a full overhaul of the zoning ordinance and we would do an incremental Zoning Changes because that's what we would do. We would just say okay. Well, we can just do this. We will just do these text amendments Kevin K (34:44.642) because you didn't want to hire a consultant for a million dollars and take five years to overhaul the zoning code and then have it fail. Rebekah Kik (34:48.778) No, because that's right. And that's not what we needed to do. Because we just needed to do some tweaks. Because it was just the setbacks. The setbacks were the issue. And unlocking those stupid square footage requirements. And we had this really, really great, we had like this. tea room requirement. Like you could do this tea room as long as your house. I still wish we could find like who the hell was this for? It was like a tea room and the house had to be like 50 years old and it could be open from like 9 a to 7 p I mean it was so utterly specific. Like it had to be for somebody but... I mean, I wish we could figure out whose address that was for. Kevin K (35:47.554) you Rebekah Kik (35:50.09) It was unreal. But so, yeah, so that incremental development fund was again born out of this two and a half day session. We knew the Foundation for Excellence was kind of rolling in. And so I posed to the room. I said, OK, you guys, if I had a million dollars, what would you do with it? And they're like, what? What are you talking about? I said, no, seriously, a million dollars cash. I got a million dollars cash, what do I do with it? And they said, well, okay, Rebecca, if somebody graduated from this class, it's an equity fund. And you put those dollars aside and if you have it as a gap loan and it's 1 .5 % interest and it's for four units. And it's, you know, 80 to 120 percent AMI. And it's, you know, 30 year amortized, you know, here's the performance, here's how it fits in. And I was like, great, that's what it is. Okay. Kevin K (37:02.273) Hmm. So basically a way for like a small developer who's getting started to be able to work through basically to get bank financing because there's this other gap financing that can help out along the way. Rebekah Kik (37:17.93) Yes, and we also, so we do that loan program and we do it for four units. We do it at one and a half percent. We'll do it out for as long as we need to. We can be as patient with the capital as necessary. And we also can push it out further. Kevin K (37:46.818) Mm -hmm. Rebekah Kik (37:47.914) So we can make it do, we can be two years out. We can do it after two years or five years if that helps so that you can get some rental income in for a couple years. For five years if that helps your bank as well. Kevin K (38:05.89) Interesting. Kevin K (38:10.946) So have you had some takers on this program? Rebekah Kik (38:13.674) Yeah, we've done, I think we've done at least four of those loans already. So, and we started that, unfortunately, so it started in 2019. We got that loan program and the policies up and going in 2019. So obviously COVID affected that. Kevin K (38:31.074) Mm -hmm. Kevin K (38:41.442) Mm -hmm. Rebekah Kik (38:42.602) quite a bit, so we really hope that we can get some more of that out starting soon. Kevin K (38:48.45) Yeah. That's cool. That's a really interesting idea. So along with that, then you said you mentioned you've got a pre -permitted plan program. And I've talked with some of the folks in that world, the Jennifers and the Mats who do this kind of work. What all have you adopted or what have you done in Kalamazoo? Rebekah Kik (38:53.93) Mm -hmm. Rebekah Kik (38:58.794) Yes. Rebekah Kik (39:10.25) Yeah, so we have duplexes. We have up and down duplexes and an ADU unit that we built. So it took us four years to get this launched as well. But that's because we started building with a nonprofit builder first. We built three duplexes and ADUs. and a cottage, a 900 square foot cottage as well. And we wanted to be sure that we had the Performa like as tuned as possible and that we got all of the kinks out in the plan also. And we have comps now because we built them. And we knew we needed that for the duplexes, not so much the cottage. I mean, we do have some smaller homes in the city. We also have some ADUs in the city. But we now have at least our pre -permitted ADU in the city. But the up and down duplex, we need banks. We're probably going to stop at that a little bit. We now have three of those built. Kevin K (40:23.81) That's cool. And do you think you'll expand that to other plans, other building types? Rebekah Kik (40:30.218) Absolutely, we have four plex, six plex, and 12 plexes coming. And we also have lined up our nonprofit builder to also be, and we're also funding our nonprofit builder with those Foundation for Excellence funds. Again, for us to take the risk in building those, putting the comps on the market. making sure we're getting the performer right. And it gives the developer a model, you know, to really see and touch and feel the quality of it, take a little bit of that risk out for them to see us build it and understand it as well. Kevin K (41:18.562) So along the way, you became the assistant city manager as well, moved up from planner to that. How and when did that happen? Rebekah Kik (41:31.498) So that happened in 2022. Yeah, and how that happened was a couple of things. So one was I had been in my direct, I moved from city planner to the director of community planning and economic development. in 2017. And so I was director for the longest time at the city. And as I was director, I absorbed economic developments. And I did that between 2018 and 2019. Our economic development director at the city retired. And he only had a staff of three. And I had been shadowing and working with Kevin K (42:02.466) Mm -hmm. Kevin K (42:15.65) Mm -hmm. Rebekah Kik (42:29.066) the Brownfield authority the full time. And I finally said to him, I was like, you just, you retire, let me take on your department, you know, planning and economic development just need to be won. He knew like the whole time I was just like, come on, you know, like development is just becoming my thing. Kevin K (42:42.434) Mm -hmm. Rebekah Kik (42:58.602) I never knew I was like this budding developer inside the whole time. I had no idea. They don't tell you that in architecture school that you are like the secret developer. Because they never teach you the finance side in architecture, which they should. Kevin K (43:17.154) Yeah. Rebekah Kik (43:27.05) They should definitely teach you that. So I had gotten my economic development, finance professional certification and I took my test and I did that all during COVID. And at the same time, or just as I was coming out of COVID, I also had been working with the IA Women's municipal leadership program through the state of Michigan, slowly thinking about city management and leadership. And so I had been thinking about it. I had been talking to my city manager and to my boss, William, about that and about what career path looked like for me, what roles they were looking for in city management. At that time, there was a city manager who was about to retire and what they were looking for in their team member. And so then that city manager had retired and they hadn't hired anyone. And then there was a person who joined the city manager's team and they called her like, she was like a project manager and they called her like, like the strategic innovation coordinator or something like that. It was kind of a weird goal. Kevin K (45:14.178) Hehehe. Hehehe. Rebekah Kik (45:14.538) like, that is so my role. I was like, wait a minute, but she's not a city manager. And then she got some opportunity and she left. And you may or may not know this about me, but I'm sometimes I can be a little bold. So I went to my boss. I said, Kevin K (45:21.442) Mm -hmm. Kevin K (45:26.594) Hehehe Kevin K (45:34.242) Yeah. Rebekah Kik (45:42.474) So you may or may not be hiring for that role, but I think that that's my job. I'm going to put a job description in front of you. And I think this is my job description. And I kind of went like that. Kevin K (45:57.89) I love it. That's great. Kevin K (46:08.354) I love it. So obviously he was like, well, clearly you're right. Rebekah Kik (46:11.946) Clearly you're right. Yes. Exactly. And so I said, look, the strategic vision, Magic Helmets, 2035 is coming up. 2025 is due. And by the way, at Magic Helmets, 2025 every year, Kevin K (46:14.85) There's no other conclusion I can draw at that point. Rebekah Kik (46:36.617) I give the City Commission an update. I call it the Imagine Kalamazoo Birthday Celebration. They're all online. And I show the Commission how Imagine Kalamazoo gets implemented every single year. And I tell them that, you know, by the way, in Kalamazoo, we implement our master plans. And here's how we do that. And here's how I've shown you how we implement our 138 goals. how we're on track, how much money we've spent, how we take our community's vision and how we've implemented it. And so now this year, I've been showing them how we are going to create the strategic vision for Imagine Calendly 2035. And as city manager, I'm showing them how their strategic vision for the entire organization. I have been... My role now is as an organization leader. I have. been engaging the organization because that's, I didn't do that last time. I only engaged the community. So since October of last year, I've done six internal staff retreats. I've done an entire organizational survey. I've just started doing my second round of small group meetings where I've been engaging in what's called a group governance. meetings and I'm responding to all of my internal staff their needs in terms of tools, resources, staff capacity, funding, technology, policies, leadership, support, everything they need in order to support the community's vision. Rebekah Kik (48:37.386) So that when I go out to the community to find out what the community wants us to do, my staff is prepared to do that work. Kevin K (48:48.258) I mean, I'm really just, I'm a little blown away by all this. I'm kind of having a hard time digesting and coming up with questions because it's so, I mean, obviously this is the work of an architect. I mean, right. I mean, clearly this is what you went to architecture school for, to help, you know, reorganize and prioritize city management and get everybody, you know, working together as a team. Why don't you tease out what may be, without naming names, like a couple of the challenges. Rebekah Kik (48:59.626) Right. Kevin K (49:16.322) along the way or maybe something you see as an opportunity by going through that kind of internal reassessment. Rebekah Kik (49:24.298) Yeah, I mean, number one, this group has no clue what I'm doing. Like, teamwork to a government, they're utterly confused. They do their work on their team, absolutely. Like, their work in their department in their division on their team. Completely on board with that. But understanding that they're part of a larger organization that may have to talk to each other. or know what someone else does at somebody else's job. It's been a real hurdle to get them to realize that it's not someone else's fault that they don't know what the reason someone else is doing something else. It's been tough. Survey after survey after survey or conversation after conversation people will constantly tell me What's the problem communication the problems communication? And then I will say well, how would you like to communicate it? Well And it's the same in the community as it is with my staff Well, I don't read email. Well, if you send me something more, I'm not gonna look at it. Okay. Well then Rebekah Kik (51:15.05) So tattoos, like what do you want me to do? I can't literally come and talk to you every single day. Carrier Vigin, like I can't help you not help yourself. So it's, I can only do what I can do. I think they've appreciated at least that I'm trying. Rebekah Kik (51:41.322) I have tried to create relationships with supervisors as far down into the organization as I possibly can. And I've tried to let them know that they must talk to their staff because I know they won't read the email and I know they won't read the posting that I put on the board. So I just really, really tried to compel them that they must talk to their staff. because that is really the only way that I know that they can get information that I really want them to have about something. And that's probably the best I can do. And I have worked really, really hard to help people in these cross -departmental teams. That's so far been my best. possible angle at getting people to understand each other as best I can. The first meetings are absolutely the best because when people look at each other across the table and they're like, why are we here together? This feels so weird. The first couple times and then they get it. And they're like, okay, okay, we're good now. But the first couple times, it's really awkward. Now we're okay. Kevin K (53:11.298) Yeah. I mean, it seems to be like a lot of what you describe is kind of the siloed nature of a lot of city government, which I've certainly experienced and continue to experience. And there's something interesting here though, that I think that may help you, you, you think about this differently than others. And I want to have you comment on this. And that is, you know, all those years that you spent doing design charrettes. you know, you and I both did a ton of those, we learned from all the other masters of the new urbanism. and they really, one of the things that that group did that people don't talk about as much that I think is incredible was this invention of the interdisciplinary design charrette. And, the whole notion being that we would get, everybody who needed to work together on a project in a room, for, you know, a week. and we'd spend a week together solving a problem together. And so you, we'd have, certainly we'd have architects and planners, but we also had engineers. you know, we had people who knew codes. we, we had everybody who might, we had developers and builders, anybody who might impact the built environment. And I think one of the things that I learned through that process, I'm curious if you did as well was just how, that inner, how well that interdisciplinary. process worked to solve problems and it was so much faster than a typical planning process. Rebekah Kik (54:48.298) Yeah, no question. The interdisciplinary process with all those perspectives is... probably the biggest lesson learned and probably the way that I think about things almost subconsciously. It's probably just built in to my thought process and I'm not even thinking about it, but yes, it's just there now. You're absolutely right, Kevin. It's probably just there now. Yeah, of course that's the way I'm. Kevin K (55:26.85) Yeah, it's like in the background, you think, obviously this is the way to do things. Yeah. Yeah. So you also mentioned that in your email to me that you've also had some success recently with some big grants to help with big projects. What are those all? Rebekah Kik (55:31.114) I'm going about things. Yeah. Rebekah Kik (55:44.938) Yes. So I was just reflecting on this because it has been such a labor of of love for a long time. And now I'm, it's one of those things where you just keep watering it and watering it and watering it. And now I am like seeing all of it come to fruition in such incredible ways. And the public works director and I were just like high -fiving like crazy yesterday. So 10 years ago when I started, Director Baker and I, when we started on Imagine Kalamazoo, we started writing our connected city chapter. We got bold and we decided we were gonna write a land use and transportation master plan. And because that's what I was writing when I was a consultant, right? And I said, look, this is the right thing to do. because I want to change the land use, you want to change the streets as well. And I said, we have to do this together. I can't change this built environment without you. And you don't want these streets to stay the same either. You know they're not safe. So we have to write this land use transportation plan together. We can't do that without two way traffic in our downtown. We can't do that without a network. And we got to really put pressure on Michigan Department of Transportation. So the first thing that we had to have happen was we had to put a lot of pressure on Michigan Department of Transportation. They, for lack of a better way to say it, they owned all of our trunk lines, which were our main streets, our main one -way pair, which kind of circled our downtown and our main east. Rebekah Kik (57:50.57) East West and our main North Souths. And we finally got, we had a couple of friendly people, one which was our region planner for MDOT in our area and the governor's liaison was a friend, Andrew Hahn and Jason Latham. And at that time, again, it's just city planner, but I knew the language. So we sat down with MDOT at that time. This was the first domino to fall. And I, again, city, sometimes I wonder, like the city was like, gosh, this girl's mouth. I just got in every meeting and I said, Kim, we studied the network. And they said, those aren't, those are your streets. These are our streets. And I said, yes, but can we study the network? No, we're going to study .streets and you're going to study your streets. And I said, but we're going to fail at your two -way network because we don't have the same values. Can we study the network? And then they said, well, maybe we should just give you the streets back. I said, OK, that sounds good. So we finally got them to give us the streets back. Kevin K (59:04.642) Hehehehe Hahaha. Rebekah Kik (59:16.298) And we got to study the network and we got to show everyone that the two way, the reversal, it works. We can restore two way traffic. And that's how we got the first raise planning grant. Thanks to Pete Buttigieg being, you know, in his seat as secretary of transportation. And because all of the the TIDER grants, the BUILD grants, everything before was never a planning grant. So a city the size of Kalamazoo, you don't have $6 million put up for engineering and planning of these streets, right? So we, this was monumental for a city of our size to get a planning grant. And that was it. That was the first. time we and with the MDOT transfer we got nearly 12 million dollars with that because it was like well MDOT said well we were going to spend 12 million dollars just milling and filling those roads so we'll give you the 12 million we got to put that money up with our act 51 dollars got the match we got the six million dollars to do the planning then we got the planning done now we could show we'll shovel ready And then Monday we just found out we got $25 million raised grant to do the construction for Kalamazoo Avenue or for Michigan Avenue because we already got $12 million reconnecting America grant for Kalamazoo Avenue. And yeah, by the way, we got $38 million protect grant because that's for the flooding that happens on Stadium Drive. So here we are, a hundred million dollars in little old Kalamazoo, Michigan, all because it's in, it's in Imagine Kalamazoo, it's in our master plan, it's in land use transportation, it's there, it says it, it transforms our community. Kevin K (01:01:39.714) That's really, that's an incredible story. That's really amazing. So clearly you have a staff of like about 200 people working with you, right? Rebekah Kik (01:01:47.242) You know, all five of us, we are like paralyzed. We're having a happy hour tomorrow. You're invited. Kevin K (01:01:55.138) Well, I, you know, I have, have long had this, suspicion that, or this belief that the most interesting work happening in our field is cities that were under like 50 ,000 people. And I see now, I think I just need to raise that threshold to like 75 ,000 to loop Kalamazoo in, but it is, it's amazing how often this happens that it's the smaller cities that are doing the most groundbreaking work and doing it. Rebekah Kik (01:02:14.797) Just a couple more. Kevin K (01:02:24.738) really well. That's pretty incredible. So now, you know, obviously Michigan is not exactly a booming state in terms of population. Have you seen an impact on the city's like economic fortunes with some of the planning work? Is the city growing at all or how's that work? Rebekah Kik (01:02:41.994) You know, we are and we aren't. I don't think at this point we're losing anyone, but we're certainly not booming in any capacity necessarily. No, we're not growing in any industry per se. pretty quiet there. I think we're just doing good, steady work and we're just trying to be great and steady and consistent and keep who we've got, you know? Kevin K (01:03:24.162) Well, it seems like in certainly in the Rust Belt, being able to keep who you've got, have happy citizens and have a high quality of life, you're like way ahead of the game. Rebekah Kik (01:03:35.85) Yeah, no question. No question. Kevin K (01:03:40.481) Yeah. Rebecca, this has been an incredible story. I'm sure there's a lot more to it. If people want to look up more about what you've done and what you're doing in Kalamazoo, what's the best way to do that? Rebekah Kik (01:03:55.978) Imagine Kalamazoo .com. It's, yeah, yeah, it's got the whole story. It's got a page with all our plans, our process, our public participation plan. We tried to codify it. It's got a toolkit. It's, you know, go to where people are and have fun. Yeah. Kevin K (01:03:58.242) Okay, that's straightforward. Rebekah Kik (01:04:24.202) It also if you go to Kalamazoo city org You can at the bottom of the page you can see the foundation for excellence story You can see our investments you can see the 50 million dollars that we've invested in our city in our neighborhoods you can Could check out that whole story. It's Really incredible and just know we're incredibly grateful for it. We understand what it means for us and Yeah, we don't take it for granted. Yeah, thanks, Kevin. Kevin K (01:04:58.666) that's fantastic. Rebecca, it's been great catching up. I really appreciate your time doing this and look forward to following more of what's going on in Kalamazoo. Rebekah Kik (01:05:08.874) Hey, I'm just grateful for that opportunity. Thanks for allowing me to catch up and share our unique story. Kevin K (01:05:15.618) my pleasure. Take care. Rebekah Kik (01:05:17.578) Yeah, take care, Kevin. Get full access to The Messy City at kevinklinkenberg.substack.com/subscribe

“Monday Morning Talking About Me While I'm Making Money, HEHEHE!” It's the middle of the year and it's time to look at wins so far! Count your blessings and what not, amirite? You should too. Join the Joker Hub community at this link https://chat.whatsapp.com/D21kS7Vtoqw1WBaWagFpDv Connect with the pod on social media for more fun content and updates. on IG: https://instagram.com/whatajokepod?igshid=YTQwZjQ0NmI0OA== on X: https://x.com/whatajokepod?s=21&t=aim75UE7QrGvf8rbnP9YZA

Meliss laughs about if she had a cooking show, being naked during a professional phone call, and a good giggle she heard at the car wash. 

Gente linda, bom dia/boa/tarde/boa noite/boa madrugada! Tudo bem? Voando aqui pra publicar o quanto antes! O contato da Sueli que participa com a gente hoje, que atua como podóloga, está aqui neste link! Basta clicar aqui! E o link para o post com o clipe que comento logo no início é esse aqui: Clica aqui, ó! Linda semana pra vocês! Desculpem a correria! Acordei atrasado hoje! Hehehe! Até semana que vem!!!

On this episode of the Noobs and Knockouts Podcast, we head to 1999 to celebrate Adam Copeland and Christian Cage...by watching the promo that tanked their first big gimmick. The Brood breaks their silence, and frankly we all wished they would have shut up. But it's also the first episode of Smackdown, and it's time for a MERGER FROM HELL. But also it's 1999 WWF, so all the matches are garbage. Won't you join us?

Holly Leever is a licensed acupuncturist, herbalist, Arvigo abdominal massage therapist and Fertility Awareness Method educator. She works with women to optimize their menstrual cycles and their fertility. She founded her practice, Rosebud Wellness in 2014, and works with clients locally in Ojai, CA and virtually all over the world. When Holly isn't solving period problems, she is spending time with her sweet daughter, practicing yoga, gardening or cooking.   Website - rosebudwellness.com IG - https://www.instagram.com/rosebud_wellness/ Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/hollyrosebudwellness Free FAM Video - https://rosebudwellness.com/opt-in-free-training-how-to-track-and-chart-your-cycle-to-support-your-body-for-optimal-health-and-fertility Holly's Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-fertile-womb-natural-fertility-optimization/id1568908543   For more information about Michelle, visit www.michelleoravitz.com   For Fertility Resources: https://www.thewholesomelotusfertility.com/fertilityresources   The Wholesome FertilityFacebook group is where you can find free resources and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2149554308396504/   Instagram: @thewholesomelotusfertility   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thewholesomelotus/       Transcript:   Michelle (00:00) Welcome to the podcast, Holly.   Holly Leever (00:02) Thank you so much, Michelle. I'm really excited to be here.   Michelle (00:05) I'm excited to have a fellow acupuncturist here. It's always fun talking   to my   Holly Leever (00:09) It is   Michelle (00:10) my acupuncture family.   Holly Leever (00:10) Yes. Yeah.   Michelle (00:12) Awesome. So give us a little background on yourself and what got you into women's health specifically, infertility,   acupuncture.   Holly Leever (00:20) so it's a long and winding road, like all of our stories, right? But I started studying acupuncture when I was pretty young. I was just naturally really interested in yoga and holistic health and nutrition. It just kind of came out of the womb that way for some reason. And I went to acupuncture school and I learned about how hormonal birth control...   could potentially be impacting some of the issues that I was experiencing at the time. And when you're really young, you can get away with a lot. And so I didn't feel terrible, but I hadn't had a natural period. I probably had three in my whole life at that point and I was 24. So I started, yeah.   Michelle (01:10) Wait, so give us a background. So when did you first get your period? When did you first start and then when did you get on the birth control pill?   Holly Leever (01:18) Yeah, so that's the tricky part, the annoying part, is that I got my first period when I was 14, and I was already on birth control by the time I was 15. So I don't remember exactly how many months, and I would only get it every three months. So I went to the gynecologist and I was like, oh, is that, I mean, I had enough of an awareness to know that it was supposed to happen every month at the time, and they were just like, oh, that's really...   Michelle (01:29) Uh.   Mm-hmm.   Holly Leever (01:46) problematic and here you can just have the birth control pill to regulate your cycle, of course. And I did have pretty significant period pain too. I think it was just young bodies don't just start menstruating perfectly right away and having significant period pain I think also was partially related to my diet at the time. I grew up really just eating   Michelle (02:00) Yeah.   Holly Leever (02:10) Total crap food, just convenience foods, only snacky kind of things, really had no guidance around nutrition at all. And I think the period pain was partially related to that, and also just being young and my body doing something new for the first time. I did become sexually active really early too, at 15. And so I do think it was maybe helpful that I didn't get pregnant when I was 15 years old. And...   Michelle (02:36) Yeah.   Holly Leever (02:38) I wish that I had a little bit more education about what it was actually doing to my body. I had a lot of emotional struggles as a teenager and who knows if that's just being a teenager, how that manifested for me or how much of it was related to synthetic hormone exposure at such a young age. And so then I developed a really severe eating disorder during the end of high school, really through college. So that was part of...   Even the times, sometimes I would stop taking birth control within that nine year timeframe of from 15 to 24. Sometimes I would stop taking it if I wasn't in a relationship and I really just never would have a period. So it was almost like that part of me was completely removed from my experience of being in a female body. So then when I went to acupuncture school, as I'm sure you know, and maybe a lot of your listeners do too, that...   it's a really central piece of understanding a female's overall health and wellbeing is what their period looks like. We were talking about the color of the blood and how frequently it comes. And I mean, there are so much more that I know about it now as a fertility awareness method educator, but even that little seed of women's period is really important for assessing their health. I was sort of like, oh.   I guess I'm completely missing that whole part of the equation of, you know, being able to really understand this medicine. And so I stopped taking the pill really immediately after that I found that out. I remember that it was, I started school in September and then by October, November, I stopped taking it, just completely stopped taking it and never, and have not taken it since.   But then I didn't have my period for a few years after I stopped taking it because I was still struggling with my eating disorder. And one of the things that I find really interesting about eating disorders and under nutrition is that people think sort of like you have to have this like raging, horrible eating disorder, which at times I really did. I was very severely anorexic at times.   Michelle (04:34) Mm hmm.   Holly Leever (04:53) And at other times, not so much. Like you could look at me and think like, oh, that looks like just like a healthy woman. You wouldn't really think she's, you know, nutrient depleted, but it was for me, always this relationship with food, you know, not prioritizing optimal nutrition was sort of the issue for me. So it would be, maybe my weight would look okay.   Michelle (05:19) Right.   Holly Leever (05:22) but I wasn't getting in the amount of protein and fat and carbohydrate structure and having regular meals and things like that. That was really the issue for me. So a lot of my time through acupuncture school, that four years that I was in acupuncture school was spent trying to figure that out. And sometimes I would get a period and I'd be like, oh, what was like the perfect cocktail of things that I did that made that happen? And it was just...   So, I mean, now to me, it's so obvious. It was that I let go of the reins a little bit and ate a little bit more. And then I would just be like, oh my God, that was too much. And I would go too far and freak out. And then I would lose my period again. So it's just kind of very intermittently getting it here and there. Then I finally went into residential treatment center a few times for my eating disorder. And that was the catalyst really for...   Michelle (05:59) Mm-hmm.   Holly Leever (06:20) being able to kick it finally. And it wasn't until I was 32, so not terribly long ago, that I started learning the fertility awareness method because I had been single for a lot of my life. I think anybody that has struggled with an eating disorder understands that it's very isolating experience that you kind of don't wanna date. You don't want anybody to look at or touch your body. And I was feeling interested in maybe   Like, can I have children and can I have a family? I'm 32, like, what am I doing with my life? And although I didn't have a partner at the time, I was kind of getting curious about my fertility and if I had kind of destroyed my body at that point, you know, it's like, has it been too long? And so for anybody that has struggled with hypothalamic amenorrhea, which really is what that is, whether it's an eating disorder or if it's just disordered.   or under eating or over exercise, stress, like some combination of those things. Anybody that has had that experience, especially if it's been for a significant amount of time, which for me, it's kind of like 10 to 15 years, like most of my adult life was spent not menstruating. And then to fast forward to the end of my story, I do have a daughter. So, when I was 32, I was in this place of...   Michelle (07:18) Right.   Holly Leever (07:45) I had just gotten out of my most recent residential stay. Every time I would go, I would get my period back. It was very obviously nutritionally related. So we can take all these teas and even getting acupuncture. I got so much acupuncture. I was on so many herbal formulas throughout acupuncture school and I just needed to eat more. And they would always say that to me. And you're only able to receive and really integrate.   Michelle (07:51) Mm-hmm. Wow.   Holly Leever (08:14) what's being recommended to you when it's the right time for you or whatever. So it is what it is, but that was really what my system needed. And so when I was 32 is really when a big transformation happened in my life where I really kicked my eating disorder. It's not something that you just all of a sudden are cured from, but that was a really pivotal time where I haven't really looked back.   Michelle (08:18) Yeah.   Holly Leever (08:44) Um, since that it's only kind of been getting better since then. And I started learning the fertility awareness method with my teacher, Lisa Hendricks and Jack. So she has, she hasn't made she, maybe she's been on this podcast. I don't know. I think you've been on hers. I know too. Um, but yeah, fertility Friday is an awesome podcast for anybody out there. I it's she's really, oh, that's so. Yeah.   Michelle (08:54) Love her. Yes, yeah.   It inspired me to start mine, my podcast. Oh yeah, I love her. I got so much information from her podcast. It was just, she's such a wealth of knowledge.   Holly Leever (09:14) She... And that podcast is the tip of the iceberg in terms of what that woman knows. It's really, really amazing. And yeah, so I started to study with her really just personally at first. I was like, okay, I want to be in a relationship and I don't want to accidentally get pregnant and I don't ever want to go back on birth control. So like, what do I do?   Michelle (09:22) I know.   Holly Leever (09:41) And so I started learning about the fertility awareness method from her. And I took her fertility awareness mastery program where you can, you know, she had two groups at the time. I'm not sure how she structures it now, but one was like the pregnancy prevention group and the other was the conception group. So I was in the pregnancy prevention group and was just learning so much about. How my body worked and you know, what it meant.   that my period would just go missing and also gave me a lot of insight into sort of like catching myself before I go too far. I think anybody that has had an experience with an eating disorder or being underweight, there's this tendency that even now I still have to be really conscious of making sure that I'm getting like...   planning meals and like really prioritizing that because my tendency is still to under eat because it was so ingrained in me for such a long period of time. So for example, in the fertility awareness method, now I can see like if my temperatures start to get a little below what's more optimal or like if my mucus pattern is a little bit different because I've learned all of these like subtle details of learning how to read.   Michelle (10:46) Hmm.   Holly Leever (11:03) what's going on with my fertility. It really opened up a whole other space of just in the hypothalamic amenorrhea space, which is actually, it seems kind of like it's becoming more of a hot topic thing these days where people are like actually specializing in just hypothalamic amenorrhea. A lot of times the focus is on the period. It's like we're getting the period back, but it's sometimes missing.   that actually you can't even have a period if it's not preceded by ovulation. And if we're not tracking ovulation with mucus and basal body temperature, potentially LH strips or OPKs, I use those in my practice too sometimes, cervical position. If we're not tracking all of these things, we can be having bleeds even at regular intervals, which I do think this is part of what was happening to me. I'd have these like random bleeds where I'd be like,   what did I do right this time that I had that random bleed? It may have been an ovulatory. So all that means just for, I know you know what it means, but for anybody that's listening, if you don't know, it just basically means that you are bleeding, but it hasn't been preceded by an ovulatory phase, basically. So you didn't actually ovulate. Your estrogen levels just built up enough to build up an endometrial lining, and then it's just being...   shed, but it is not an indication that your body's actually going through a very health promoting process of ovulation before that. So anyway, that was kind of my basic story into learning fertility awareness. And now, several years later, I had actually started...   working with it a little bit with my clients. I was trying to have them do temperature and track their mucus. And what I was noticing is that you can read from a textbook. And I even learned from Lisa, I learned sort of like the basics and I learned how my body works. But it's really different to learn about the basics from a book and other like online resources. And then also just learning about your own body and being able to apply that in working.   with actual patients because what I have found in my practice is that many of them don't follow and including me, I definitely have never followed what's in the textbook. So I've never ovulated on day 14. I've never had a 28 day or 30. Maybe the shortest cycle I've ever had is 30 days and that was like miraculous. So yeah, I mean, I will say that I was feeling somewhat limited and then Lisa created this.   Michelle (13:22) Yeah.   Mm-hmm   Holly Leever (13:49) program for practitioners called the fertility awareness mastery mentorship. So it's different from just the, like for women to learn about their own cycles. It's a practitioner program for women that want to learn or not. Yeah, it is women only, but for women that want to learn how to incorporate it into their existing women's healthcare practice.   And I actually wanted to do it the first year that she launched it, but I had just had my daughter. So that goes back to my personal stories that I did end up meeting my daughter's dad and I did get pregnant and had a healthy pregnancy after 10 to 15 years of amenorrhea and thinking that my body was probably broken.   being told by doctors that my body was probably going to be broken or I was going to need fertility drugs and things like that. I didn't do anything other than optimize my nutrition. Even now with how much I've learned from Lisa and so many other resources since that time, which was she's going to be four next month.   there are things I would have done differently in terms of optimizing nutrition and lifestyle and other things that maybe I think could have made it even more wonderful. But I had a really healthy pregnancy, really wonderful birth at home. And yeah, I'm just really amazed by the human body that when you give it what it needs, it will perform.   I don't know, perform isn't really the right word, but function optimally. And fertility is part of optimal function for women, whether they want to get pregnant or not. I mostly work with women that want to get pregnant. So that's sort of the lens in which I see everything. Yeah.   Michelle (15:36) Yeah.   Me too. But yeah, I mean that I always say it's just a reflection of overall health. If it doesn't have the resources or if it's at a deficit, it's going to, you know, it's not going to give you what you want or it's not going to be functioning optimally and it's definitely not going to prioritize reproductive health. That's for sure. So that's, and a lot of what you're saying is pretty much my history. I mean, I had the same thing like three months cycles.   Holly Leever (16:08) Okay.   Michelle (16:16) And this is what I, you know, for a couple of years, and then I went to the doctor, he put me on the birth control pill and it was just like on and off, on and on and off. Um, there was a time where I also under eight, I was in college and I guess I probably did. I mean, I never really called it that, but I had a bit of an eating disorder myself. There were times where I was like, I want to, you know, look really thin. Like this next person that just is genetically a lot thinner build than I am.   And it was kind of like this thing I just got in my head. And so for a little while, I mean, it was on and off for me, but it definitely impacted my hormones. It was all over the place. So.   Holly Leever (16:54) I mean, even what has been normalized in our culture, like in, I remember magazines when I, I don't know what it kind of trashes in there these days, but I actually was reading them when I was in high school or whatever. And they would talk about like 1200 calorie diets. That's an eating disorder. If I eat that amount of calories, I'm very, very underweight. I mean, maybe somebody could do that if they're like four feet tall or something, but.   Michelle (17:12) Yeah.   Yeah, no, I mean, we need the   nutrients for sure. I mean, that's what it is. It really comes down to that. It comes down to energy. And so it's not even about eating, it's about what you're eating. Because as we know, just like a chi in the body, food has chi as well. And so there's some food that's kind of very low chi, very low energy or vitality, let's say.   Holly Leever (17:25) Yeah.   Mm-hmm.   Michelle (17:45) and versus live whole foods which are way more nourishing and nutrient dense for the body. So those are all important aspects. But as you were talking, you know, and this is something that I've thought about recently, and it's not something that's often talked about, but we're in the fertility world. And do you tend to see, because there's such like, there are a lot of rules, you know, you have to like be, you know, avoid   toxins and you have to eat certain foods and you have to do this and that and the other. And I feel like if you have a tendency or have any history with eating disorder or some sense of obsessive compulsion for your life, it can trigger that. Being on the fertility journey and focusing, even if you're trying quote unquote naturally, it can trigger that feeling. And that can be very...   stressful on top of like everything else.   Holly Leever (18:43) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, man, this is something I think about pretty much every day. Because, yeah, my experience in residential treatment for my eating disorder was very much based on, I guess, conventional guidelines of optimal nutrition, like low fat and pretty carb heavy.   and just kind of, and very weight goal based. And at the time, I think that was what I needed. I needed to just like know rules and they would have things like fun foods and there's a perspective of choosing relationship with other people over your eating disorder. So for example, if your friends want to go out for ice cream and you're like, oh no, I'm like too, I mean, this is...   very much something that I experienced, like totally not gonna go to that. I do not wanna eat ice cream or, you know, there were times that I would go and just not eat it or whatever. And so the choosing relationship was something that really resonated with me. And now I think about a lot too, with a young daughter of how I want to model things for her. And so I will say that my own approach to food, like for myself,   Michelle (20:05) Yeah.   Holly Leever (20:11) now is one of really trying to get optimal nutrition in when it's available to me, and also not to demonize anything primarily for her. And yeah, and also for her relationship with other people and knowing that, you know, if a friend gives you something, even if it's not like the healthiest thing ever.   that you know that your body is strong because it's mostly exposed to really nutrient dense foods. And the tricky part about that, because when I was in treatment, it was definitely like, this is what I'm doing right now. I'm like recovering from my eating disorder. So there's like the psychological piece of it, where I do think that it can be helpful in that kind of situation where like, yes, just get yourself to do the things that are hard for you.   so that you can overcome this psychological aspect of it. I had someone on my podcast that focuses a lot on just like body neutrality, not necessarily related to fertility, but it feels relevant because one of the things she struggled with was rheumatoid arthritis. And if she eats gluten or dairy, it flares it and it really hurts. And she said that she prioritizes her mental health over that.   physical experience. So she just still eats gluten and dairy, even though she knows it makes it worse. So that's something that's really empowering, I think, for people that if you know how things are affecting you and you're, you get to make that choice about like what the priority is. So for me, I, I like to feel really good. And part of my job is relies on me feeling really good.   energetically, you know, when I'm doing acupuncture, I do feel, or just being present with my client, like it feels to me, I know that I feel better if I'm eating a higher protein, higher fat, and that I'm eating mostly whole foods. So that's, that's a priority for me. And I do have to be thoughtful about like, is this an eating disorder? Like, am I kind of making myself crazy? Thanks.   So in the HA space, a lot of it is just like, fill yourself with, and I talked about this on my own podcast and Lisa's podcast. And my hope is that it's not triggering for anybody that's going through that experience because I do think it can be relevant and helpful to like eat, I'm trying not to say specific foods because I don't wanna demonize anyone food, but to eat things that are, you know, like more processed or something like that.   that you really like that brings a lot of joy to your life and also helps you to get over the psychological aspect of it. I think there's space for that. I don't think that just cramming yourself full of things that make you feel crappy, which was my first experience in residential. I was there for a really long time, for four months I was living in this place with this   you know, not so health promoting food and very based on like weight gain. And I, I did get my period back and I do think it was a step on the journey. And I, I feel. I also, after that left and lost a ton of weight, even more than I had before. So I, I went kind of the opposite direction because I was pushed so far.   Michelle (23:55) Bye.   Holly Leever (23:55) away from where I really wanted to be, I felt awful. And I don't think that is optimal health or fertility if you feel awful. But it's such a nuanced conversation. And this is where I think the individualized work in fertility is so important because I can say all these things about, you know, like optimize getting 100 to 150 grams of protein per day and having a balance of nutrition or recommend.   certain dietary resources like Real Food for Pregnancy is one of my favorite books. And I'm not sure if I'm allowed to talk about the new book yet, but there's another new book that's coming out soon that is a really great resource that I've just recently read through and been wowed by. But it is also about making it...   Michelle (24:34) Mm-hmm.   Holly Leever (24:46) it fitting into your life. So one of the things that I do a lot is I have women fill out a food log and also like a lifestyle log of how they're sleeping, what their screen time is like, what they're eating, you know, any number of things, what the exercise level is like. And then I make specific recommendations for each individual woman about what will be most supportive for her and what actually feels possible for her.   Michelle (25:13) Mm-hmm.   Holly Leever (25:14) If a woman is super busy and traveling all the time, she's not going to be able to eat like I do because I'm home cooking all the time. I'm home a lot of the time. That's not possible for everybody. So I also have a lot of ideas and ways that I work with women on getting in optimal nutrition that doesn't have to be done in such a specific way where you're tied to the kitchen all the time unless you want to be.   Michelle (25:20) Right.   Holly Leever (25:43) Yeah, it's a very nuanced, nuanced conversation that in an HA situation in particular, really requires individualized support, in my opinion.   Michelle (25:55) Yeah, for sure. I mean, the way I look at it in general is it's all a strategy. So that's how I see it with every patient. It really depends on their circumstance and what they feel and ultimately like what aligns for them. And if it's too much of a push, then people retract and it's not realistic. So everything has to be small steps to get to that point. Building a foundation, that's for sure.   Holly Leever (26:22) Yeah, one of the things that I shared about when I recorded my own podcast about HA is that if I went from, you know, where I was at, the first time I went to treatment was when I was 29. If I were to contemplate eating what I do now, back then, there's no way I could do that. There's no way. I needed to have these like bridges throughout my journey. And I do think that one of the things   Michelle (26:45) Yeah.   Holly Leever (26:52) found really helpful during my own, it wasn't really a fertility journey because I was sort of just doing it anyway, like not necessarily thinking about, it wasn't like I went through a long, like trying to conceive phase. I just did get pregnant because I had already optimized my fertility because I saw its relevance to my overall health.   I would maybe do a few things a little bit differently now.   Michelle (27:21) Yeah, I mean, it's always that way. I think we look back and there's so many things that we could have done differently. And, you know, that's, I guess that's hindsight. Hindsight is so perfectly clear versus like looking into the future. And that's, I think that really teaches us to be easy on ourselves and give us ourselves some grace and, and that I think is what helps the recovery is just.   Holly Leever (27:24) Yeah.   Yes, exactly.   Michelle (27:49) giving yourself that love and grace and acceptance, and also meeting yourself where you are. I think that's ultimately, it's very healing to do so. It feels more soothing, honestly, on the soul and on the body. And it's more realistic. It's more, it's something that you can really adopt and take in to your life.   Holly Leever (27:55) Mm-hmm. Yeah.   Absolutely, yes.   Michelle (28:11) in a way that's going to last. So as far as, well, fertility awareness is amazing because I think a lot of people don't realize just how powerful it is. But for people who are not as familiar with it, what is it besides I think people think of the BBT, like basal body temperature charting, besides that obviously it's so much more.   Holly Leever (28:23) Mm-hmm.   Yeah.   Michelle (28:34) I look at it like a body awareness.   mindfulness practice of your menstrual cycle.   Holly Leever (28:39) Absolutely. Yeah. So fertility awareness, like the term fertility awareness, is kind of just having a basic understanding of how your fertility works. But the fertility awareness method, there are actually many different types and I'm not an expert on all of them. I have been trained by Lisa, so she's been very much informed by the justice method, but she doesn't exclusively teach that.   And it is a symptom thermal method, what I have been trained in. So that means we're tracking symptoms like cervical position and cervical mucus and thermal temperature. So we're tracking BBT. So there are other methods that only use mucus or use urine metabolites to test hormones and things like that. So what I'm sharing about is purely based on the style that I've been trained in. So there's definitely differences and definitely differences in the way that they chart that we all.   chart things, so it's a little bit tricky to interpret another method's charting because they don't always line up perfectly. But the method that I've been trained in is pretty similar to the Taking Charge of Your Fertility, which most people that know anything about fertility and fertility awareness know about that book. And that was my first exposure.   I don't know what your acupuncture education was like, but I know that all we learned about was BBT and it was sort of this like general awareness that this could tell women about their fertility, but there was really not any more detail given about all of the implications of what you can actually learn from the fertility awareness method, not just from a fertility perspective, but also from a health and metabolic function.   perspective. So yeah, so we're tracking BBT, basal body temperature. So that's just your waking temperature. So you take your temperature first thing when you wake up in the morning before you drink or talk or go to the bathroom or anything like that. And in the method I teach, there are some very specific guidelines around that, that I'm not going to go into everything because we'd be here forever. That's a lot of the work that I do. So that's the first part of it. And then from that, you create a chart.   Michelle (30:51) I'm sorry.   Holly Leever (30:58) you know, an XY graph, and then there's the cycle days and the temperature. I use Fahrenheit because I'm in America, but there's also Celsius charts available. I use the Read Your Body app with my clients or paper charts. I don't ever recommend using any of the apps that have any predictions. I used to use another app, but I just recently learned that they started adding predictions into their method.   And so I don't recommend that one anymore. So it's a big bummer when that happens. And if women have enough awareness about how it actually works, then if, as long as they can ignore the predictions and the algorithms and things, that's fine. But especially as you're learning, it makes things way more confusing. I've had women that have, they have like two different apps and then they're also taking their temperature and they're so confused because they're like.   Michelle (31:53) Yeah.   Holly Leever (31:56) This one tells me I'm ovulating here. And then my chart says something different. And I'm like, OK, that's because there's a lot of inaccuracy here. And the best way to know what's going on inside of your body in terms of your fertility is to actually track it manually yourself. Lisa compares it to the weather. If you can look on.   the weather prediction app or whatever and see what they think is gonna be happening, or you could walk outside and go see what's happening. You know? So that's really what the, I love that comparison because it's such an obvious thing. Like nobody would be like, is it raining? Or like they would just go outside. So the other part of it is cervical mucus tracking, which that is a lot of the education that is different. Learning how to do BBT is really pretty straightforward.   Michelle (32:27) I like that. That's good.   Holly Leever (32:50) And once you learn how to do it and the things that can impact your temperature, like the amount that you sleep. So you do need to have, in the method that I've been trained in, five hours of uninterrupted sleep, there's other methods that say that less sleep than that is fine. So I always recommend just doing your best and taking your temperature and always noting if there's something out of the ordinary.   but it can be impacted by alcohol, traveling, so many different things. So those are all things that I teach people about and then they learn to mark in their chart so that we can most accurately analyze what's going on with temperature. But it really is pretty straightforward. Like in a healthy cycle, you'll have a temperature shift and it will stay high throughout the entire luteal phase. So that's from ovulation until the day before the next period. And it should be within an optimal range   the pre-ovulatory phase and in the post-ovulatory phase. So that's part of the work that I do, which is an indication of metabolic function. And that's one of the reasons that I'm so obsessed with talking about protein is because getting adequate protein regularly throughout the day is really important for metabolic function. And that will show up in your temperature.   Also thyroid function too will usually show up in the temperature too, but we need to make sure that we're accurately tracking temperature first before we can draw any diagnostic conclusions from what we're seeing in the chart. So cervical mucus is the other part of it. So we have a very, in this method, a very specific way of collecting cervical mucus. So I use external wiping.   So usually when women will come to me, they'll be like, I saw this in my underwear and I pulled this out of my vagina. And you know, like there's, they're so confused about what they're actually tracking. And there's not any, there's not like a consistent way that they're tracking it to reduce the variables in kind of assessing what's really going on. So we use this external wiping method and then looking at the toilet paper and.   taking the mucus off of the toilet paper and stretching it between your fingers. So it is a more intimate type of fertility awareness, but it doesn't require you to actually insert your finger unless you're tracking cervical position. And as someone, I totally left this out of my own story, but it was a significant part of my story that I had really painful sex and the insertion of anything, a finger tampon, like...   Michelle (35:19) Yeah.   Holly Leever (35:20) really painful for me for a lot of my life, which I think was also connected to under nutrition and having such low estrogen levels and also being on birth control can shrink your vaginal canal, which I only learned within the past couple of years. And I think that was part of what was happening for me. So for other women that I've worked with, it's painful for them to insert their finger. So we don't use cervical position tracking and   Michelle (35:46) Right.   Holly Leever (35:49) it's really great that they don't have to do the internal checks for cervical mucus either for that reason. And it can also be more confusing if you're doing internal checks because there isn't really ever a day that your vagina is totally dry. So it makes your dry days harder to identify. And I mean, this is where there is a difference between textbook learning and actual in the field experience.   Michelle (36:07) Mm-hmm.   Holly Leever (36:19) in, if you look in a textbook, it's just like, Oh, they, a woman has her period, then she has dry days, then she has mucus, then she ovulates, then she goes back to dry days. And most of the women in my practice cycles don't look like that when we first start working together. And part of that is, you know, I've talked about my eating disorder, but I, there's a, most of the women I work with are nutrient depleted.   And it's not because they're intentionally trying to under eat or lose weight most of the time, it's because there hasn't been adequate education on what is actually optimal nutrition for a human. You know, we've just been so, I know in my family, it was just like convenience based. And a lot of the women that I work with, it's very much convenience based. So maybe they're getting enough overall calories, but they're not getting.   Michelle (36:53) Mm-hmm.   Holly Leever (37:11) actual nutrients from those calories, for example. My friend just sent me a reel from this guy and he was like an avocado and this like Snickers thing have like the same amount of calories. But in terms of nutrient density, there's really no comparison of what that, the message that that's going to send to your body about what to do with that food. So.   Michelle (37:27) Right.   Yeah.   Holly Leever (37:36) I went off into a little nutrition tangent again, but it's so relevant to cervical mucus production. So I see all sorts of issues with cervical mucus production, whether it's limited or if the mucus phase is too long, if there is mucus in the post-ovulatory phase. And this is the difference between taking her, Lisa's, class in learning how to chart my own cycle versus learning how to apply it for many, many women. This is what we...   Michelle (37:41) Bye.   Holly Leever (38:05) learn about is how to really get into the nitty gritty details about like, what does this mucus mean? And the other part that I'll say about fertility awareness is that although we're getting into the nitty gritty details about BBT and cervical mucus and cervical position, any individual like day or data point is sort of irrelevant outside of the context of the full chart. It's just like Chinese medicine. I'm sure that   Michelle (38:33) Yeah.   Holly Leever (38:34) people are like, I have a headache, what would you do for that? And you're like, do you have like an hour for me to explain to you all of the potential causes of headaches? Because that's really, you know, we're not looking at symptoms on an individual basis, we're looking at the overall pattern of like what is causing that for that individual person? And so the chart really feels very similar to Chinese medicine in that way, in that it gives us...   Michelle (38:43) Yeah, it's true.   Yeah.   Holly Leever (39:03) It's like its whole own diagnostic process, which is really fun to compare with also the Chinese medicine diagnosis too. So I love kind of weaving those two things together too.   Michelle (39:18) I'll be honest, it makes it easier for me to do my job. I can see what's going on. I can see if I need to increase some young herbs, increase the heat in the body. And then I'll see after a while, things shift based on what I do, which is based on what I saw early on. So it's huge because it's such a great tool. So when people come in to see me and they say, I have a couple of months worth of my   Holly Leever (39:27) Mm-hmm.   Mm-hmm.   Michelle (39:46) charting, I'm like so excited. So it gives me a lot to work with.   Holly Leever (39:48) Yes. I mean, working with fertility, I started working with fertility pretty early on in my practice, and I just started really incorporating fertility awareness in the way that I do it now within the past couple of years. And it was like doing it blind before I had as much information as I do now. If you don't have a chart, you don't even know if they're ovulating. So-   Michelle (40:11) Yeah, it's a game changer.   Yeah, I mean, you could do sometimes like a progesterone metabolites, not so much LH, you know, just to make sure to confirm, but, you know, there's definitely like other things and other more expensive kits that you can get, but I mean, this is just gold standard. It's like, it's so great, you know, it's such a great way to look at it. It gives you so much insight, it connects you with your own body and   Holly Leever (40:18) OPKs. Yep, right.   Mm-hmm.   That's it.   Michelle (40:40) I think it's amazing, but I could talk to you for hours, Holly. I mean, this is so interesting. There's so many things that we can obviously talk about, but it's so important for people to learn this and to know that it is something that can actually benefit them. I think some people get really stressed out by it initially. And I say it's the same thing as like meditation. When you sit down to meditate, at first it's uncomfortable or you're starting something new, it's going to be uncomfortable.   Holly Leever (40:58) Hehehe   Michelle (41:07) But if you can kind of get through that discomfort, eventually on the other side, it's gonna give you so much more. It's gonna benefit you in so many ways that you didn't even imagine.   Holly Leever (41:17) and sometimes the overwhelm is because they don't understand it. That's what I found, is that people will be reading into each little peak and valley in the chart, and they're just kind of like, I don't even know what it means. And that's really stressful. And if you... I don't... I mean, I could tell people it within an hour session how to...   Michelle (41:23) Yeah.   Yeah.   Oh yeah, because...   Holly Leever (41:45) actually interpret the BBT and they could really get a lot of, it's just like going to a meditation class. If you learn just actually what is happening and what's normal, that can really help to sort of calm your nervous system about the overwhelm around it.   Michelle (42:03) Yeah. And also knowing that eventually it's going to get easier. It's just, it's like anything. It's like anything new eventually does get easier. So for people who do want to hear your podcast or reach out to you and work with you, how can they find you?   Holly Leever (42:07) Let's move.   Yeah, so I'm very active on Instagram. I'm on Instagram at rosebud underscore wellness. I also have a website rosebudwellness.com. And I do have a free fertility awareness for conception video on my Instagram linked there. Maybe we could also link it in the show notes. I could send it to you. So it's just a 30 minute video kind of going through a little bit more details about what's involved.   So I know that fertility awareness is not for everyone. Not everybody's gonna want to get into this level of detail. So that video is really helpful for people to kind of get a feel for it and see like, does that sound crazy or could I maybe try that? So, yeah.   Michelle (43:05) That's awesome. Well, this is great because people are listening to this. They're probably really curious about it. So it's awesome to have a free resource. So thank you for that. Um, so Holly, thank you so much for coming on. This is so great. I mean, I can talk to you for way um, than we have time, but this is just great information. I'm sure so many people got so much value from this. So thank you for coming on today.   Holly Leever (43:13) Yeah.   My pleasure, thank you so much for having me.

[uploading this here, as well

In this episode, Bits and Pieces takes guard afresh after completing a fine 100. We ponder the metaphorical implications of Mushfiqur's soft-handling the ball, Buttler's disastrous run as ODI captain, and Pakistan's comical preparation for their next hammering in Australia. Also, lots of banter on the WPL Auction, and a cool rundown from Rachana Ramchand, and a review of the Englnd v India T20s. This episode also unveils the real reason why CSK doesn't pull off a Mumbai-Hardik and buy every single IPL superstar, and identifies the one remaining likeable person from India's 2011 World Cup squad. This week's giggles featuring Mayur, Tony, SpamMo, Nitin and Chops, with SandyJi desperately trying to maintain discipline. Follow us on social media: 1. Bits and Pieces: https://twitter.com/bnp_cricket 2. SandyJi: https://twitter.com/sandeeplanjewar 3. Tony: https://twitter.com/notytony 4. Nitin: https://twitter.com/knittins 5. Max: https://twitter.com/maxdavinci 6. SpamMo: https://twitter.com/sleepyhead148 7. Rachana: https://twitter.com/thethingygirl Shownotes: 1. Hey guys! Unveiling the Bits and Pieces website, a quasi-tribute to a women's cricket legend: https://deandra.in/ (Did we say humour is our domain name?) 2. ICC WTC table, where front-runners Pakistan are set to thrash mid-table stragglers Australia... Hehehe. (Link in our website above) 3. Few auto drivers ... or conductors. One bad apple. Two low-hanging fruit. Mayhem... Presenting: Nutgraf.gif (Link in our website above, and hope you enjoyed our episode art) Find Bits and Pieces wherever you listen to podcasts, and on Youtube, if you also like to watch us and some interesting clips: https://linktr.ee/bitsnpieces

The key word in the episode title is PUSHES. Indicating that I DON'T cross any boundaries. Important to note! That's all I'm going to write today. Which is ironic considering we told you all to check the episode description in the end. Hehehe! - Edward. --- Want to leave us a message? Questions, comments, concerns, answers, praise, criticism. Call us at 202-630-4509 or email us at amessagefrompod@gmail.com! Follow us on insta/tiktok - @amessagefrom! Check out our website - amfpod.com! Be a gem and rate us 5 stars on Apple Podcast and on Spotify! Like and subscribe on YouTube! --- Music: Marty Gots a Plan by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/  Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1500015  Artist: http://incompetech.com/ 

Experiences of a practicing Katalonan in the New York Suburbs.Thanks to our New York Correspondent! Hehehe, here's to hoping we get more international experiences from our jet setting friend.  In case this is the first episode you're listening to, here are JP's other episodes:JPSoutheast Asian Folklore Part 1 - https://open.spotify.com/episode/7KN0ggvrUNoexn4fOSPUuR?si=fe7a626bcf16486eSoutheast Asian Folklore Part 2 - https://open.spotify.com/episode/3SKkOXirHJe7GMOoEPG6O6?si=32da607da9964966Southeast Asian Folklore Part 3 - https://open.spotify.com/episode/49mnoTPgEIvSQ2ccTyjbGO?si=3f2666c7fc824e6eSpirit Walk - https://open.spotify.com/episode/2rzFkpun8V6dXVVFZX4KxM?si=ffe2f7c2f892462fLove, Loss, and Ghost Riders - https://open.spotify.com/episode/1kbxJYou1gd7EPjVp0IawL?si=450cd75625184e56Thanks also to Batis and Sam.  As I mentioned Sam has his own stories and his own podcast, you can catch him on the links below:Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/1DN59qysQoiMnqk8WPBEjH?si=fe3cf60d736e40cdYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzLbIuY5zVJUU1G81vP1DDg SamMy Sleeping Third Eye Part 1 - https://open.spotify.com/episode/3MxOXGoevOqt8Br4OoJh1z?si=87cd53b3b26240afMy Sleeping Third Eye Part 2 - https://open.spotify.com/episode/0ijdMVVGwrDDC6n7VxTV7N?si=8f99928bc5434b91Charmed Ones Part 1 - https://open.spotify.com/episode/6S3QKfJ0PGsUX52NmRbMGv?si=e1999c7bc6b54aceCharmed Ones Part 2 - https://open.spotify.com/episode/6Al8dAXpTQlsQe7doPi1Eq?si=cca806a4285f43b3Sam's Past Lives - https://open.spotify.com/episode/3nXwlt3tHHGRSeoQXJxEEp?si=66fccf88208c4f9a If you have any experiences in the East Coast or New York in particular that you'd like to share, you can reach me at paranormalsph@gmail.comYou can also choose to share your stories and join the community on the Para Normal Discord Server where we have different chat rooms for all the different paranormal topics you can think of: https://discord.gg/YWF4BpS4gQ= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Do you want to support the podcast? You can help keep us going by giving us a cup of joe! ko-fi.com/paranormalpodcast You can also support us on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/paranormalpodcast We have different tiers for supporters, from the general support to early access, to joining us on the calls way in advance. No pressure, just additional help for us :) The Para Normal Podcast. Engineered and Produced by f90 Productions Rate and Review our show on Spotify, Pocket Casts, and Apple PodcastsEnjoy. 

Joker (2019): Society's Mirror or Madman's Manifesto?Hehehehehahahaha. Hmmm hmm haha humm. Eek ch ch chc h ah ah ahhhhhaha ahaha ahaha hahahahaaaa. Heeee hee haha hahahaha.HAAAHAHAAHA HEEE HEE HEHAHAHAAA AH AH AH AHHHHHHHHH. Hehehe hummmmm. Hmmm. Hmmmm he he heeee heeee hahaha hAHAHAHAHAH hahHAHAHAHAHAHA. Hooo hoo hoo hmmm. Ahemmmm hmmm. Haha hmmm.Safe travelsssssss kxx kxxx kxxxxx chmmmmmm hmmm hmmm hwaaa ahaaaha ahahahaa nommmmmmaaa ahh ahh ahha ahhhhhdddddzzzzzzzz hehahaheheaha hermmm hmmm mmmmm.

When I first watched the coffee run- deadmau5 was just deadmau5 Deadmau5 is still just deadmau5 Keep telling yourself that. So what's the plan here. There's a plan. Haha. Very funny. I thought so. Where am I taking this thing? Just keep driving. “Just keep driving.” Don't act like you're not enjoying it. I really am— “Mad as Rabbits” Professor Pancakes! Yes. What have you done to this portal. Hehehe. >< Who are these sketchy ass comics. Idk heroes I guess. God, this show is cringe. Yeah. Have we gone through the title sequence yet? Why on earth would you study this. I'll study anything that holds my attention. Here, hold this. What is it. It's my attention. Make me a sandwhich. Okay. What kind. Any fucking sandwhich. Just—any sandwhich? Yeah. Oh, dear. What. It's another infinite realm. Oh, wow. Which means. It's all the same— Same thing. I want this to swallow this pill, and swallow it whole What does it do?? —nobody quite knows. Perfect. We knew you'd be the one for the jo. My whole world is full of “God, she's beautiful…l And “I don't want to be here anymore” But at least I came, right? At least I got you right here in my heart —you're in my head again I can't go to sleep I take medicine I don't take advice, or compliments If it's wrong and such, Hey, At least I'm honest (Or was) It's got to all count for something I've been embarrassed by it Careless, I guess It's just another chance to be brainwashed Let me tell you what my whole brain does Lights up when I think of you Just keep doing, What you been doing is, Being blue, You're just being Blū That is a flex. Huh. They used my name in a song. Wow. They even spelled it right. Okay. In the heights Far Regina Spector Far Now I don't want to dive In; I just want to close my eyes for awhile Maybe I'm ‘it'. — —but right now, I'm in it Disentreswe in such Unholy matrimony. Wtf is this. Holy shit, I got 2 stop listenin to dis music. die. This is horrible. Yeah, this is a disaster. This is perfect. X_x It's actually perfect. [actually on fire] Why. Why would u do dis. u did this. I did this. I is U. Oh, Well fuck it. No vowels then. Wut. Why. Wut. Do something cool. [ Your interview at Equinox is today between 9:30 AM and 10:00 AM (US/Eastern). At the time of your interview please join via this link: https://l.indeed.com/HluKX3Gp43/. Reply STOP if you no longer want to receive event updates from Indeed. Do you like how it feels? Do you like how I am— Well yeah then So go ahead; I'll tell you the answer, But you don't like it, and None of its random —none of it matters, none of it can I don't mean to vanish But I'm a phantom (And I'm just a fan) “Oh well”, I thought broadly to myself; I wasn't quite ready either way to be — nevermind. Back online: Guess I'm an insomniac tonight Surface level scrolling and what do I find The whole world of mine Putting a spark in my eye Just a glimmer, I simmer in the limelight I might die trying, I might just Turn off the light, roll over Paint myself white— I'm just being polite, How's the sacrifice going Um, the what The virgin sacrifice. What?! We don't do that! Who is ‘we'? …nobody. Aha! Illuminati! That's not a thing! I knew it. You know nothing. I know everything. No you don't; cause then you'd be in the Illuminati! Aha! —which isn't real! Damn, I want you so bad; —damn, I want you so bad Damn. —I want you so bad. Damn, (God damn) I want you so bad Damn, I want you so bad Damn (Damn!) I want you so bad. Damn, I want you so bad Damn, I want you so bad Right now Well, that's too bad, cause you know what?! Fuck it, I wanna get drunk. That's not a good idea. Do you have a better one? I got it. What's up. I'll just throw the rock—at his face. That's not a good idea. It's a grand idea! Spectacular. I really want to look at Dillon Francis's Instagram. For what. I don't know. You know what I want? Huh. A peanut butter and jelly sandwhich. That sounds good. Yeah. Lol that's it? That's the whole scene. Are you sure? Yeah. Oh shit, I knew I'd eventually revisit this. What is it. “Three Assholes In A Car Getting Coffee” BEFORE: which one do you think is the most attractive. You want me to rank them? Yes. Rank them. Um, okay. That was a dark day. All the days are dark here. You know, God. Sure— I'm extremely bored. Bored with what. Here's a portal Where's it go? Absolutely nowhere. MEANWHILE, IN ABSOLUTELY NOWHWEE Oh God, it's getting hot in here. Well, yeah, dude. Oh fuck. What. We gotta turn around. What'd we leave. My best friend. Your best— Yeah! I'm your best friend. You're nobody's best friend, Dillon Francis. Where the fuck's my fucking sandwhich my Jesus's that's a lot of fucks. Yeah, a lot of fucks and zero sandwhiches. You have to put this in his hand. No. That's where it goes. In his hand. That's the game? That's this game. How many games are we playing? All of them, Liz. I'm not— LIZ LEMON I HATE THIS GAME. I LOVE THIS GAME IS IT OVER YET?! Oh check it out, he does look like Skrillex. Oh shit, so this is season 7 It is? Yeah, there's Drake Bell. Where. Timmy, I have to tell you something. Not right now. No, yes, right now— Remember that scene on the— FUCK DILLON FRANCIS I WIN MOTHERFUCKER. YES. GOD IS REAL. I asked God for Dillon Francis to show me his girlfriend on Instagram and he did it. YEA BITCH. I WIN. Well, that's one game. What's the other one. Fuxk, What up dude. Now, I just realized something. FUCK. WhatS. We gotta burn all this Dillon Francis How. I don't know, I never printed it on paper. Well, that's fine: I got something else for you to do. What. SUCK MY DICK. Ok. Okay. Okay. Why doesn't this hurt as bad as last time—. LAST TIME: You know what? Fuck this. Oh shit, now what do I do with this thing? … … … Wait dude, if I give him this stone— Uh huh And this stone has powers— Yes it does. Then won't DILLON FRANCIS GET ALL THE POWERS. No. No? Not “all the powers”, just the ones in the stone. This stone has a lot of powers. Yes it does. You should give it to Skrillex. I was going to. And then what. BEFORE: fuck, there's no fire escape. There is, it's just on the other side. IMm not gonna risk seeing Sonny to see Skrillex. I don't care how much sense any of this makes, that makes the most sense. Let's change the narrative on this. What's the narrative. What is your motive? That's the narrative? I—yea. ::||puseZ Sunni, you're drunk. I don't careZ . LookC. Remember this scene: THIS AINT A SCENE, ITS A GODDAMN ARMS RACE. No, it's a scene. (It's two, actually Something forced my eyes up and onto the LCD screen on the partition of the subway platform, in perfect ancroniciry i read the word “EASY” as it appeared on the screen, as the same word poured through my headphones from the sounds of Queen, the last song of a mix I actually liked, but had yet to do anything with— I had yet to do anything with anything—though, perhaps that was the point. I had been in an elusive state of withdrawal and cyclical imbalance, and though this morning had been planned for ages, it had only just now happened. Overwhelmed with sadness, I had realized reading the first lines out of a book by Madonna's brother that I hadn't the energy for superstardom—and with as little of the energy I did have left, had become otherwise deflated and unmotivated—Yet, for some reason, having spent the morning scrolling through Dillon Francis's instragram, I was on an A-train bound for Manhattan, or maybe even—Washing heights, as the words to my once-favorite musical had been of course clamoring around in my head with all the other things that were in there—even DillonbFrancis and now his girlfriend, their two dogs, and his mother, who had appeared to me just-so in a dream just weeks earlier; though I had thought to have made her up in my mind, there she was, supposedly—alongside Dillon and his horrible haircut—though nothing he could do ever seemed to change my mind or the way that I felt about him, even confirming his relationship publicly; I still rather liked him, and he still had a way of setting me in motion merely through emotion—perhaps, this was the lone standing function of Dillon Francis after all. Now, I was headed to the gym, perhaps after a touristy detour to visit what I imagined to be a now-gentrified Washington Heights “You must take the A-Train!” Usnavi sings in the Title Opener, and though I had taken in the entirety of the shows lyrics around a decade earlier, becoming a fanatic of akin Manuel a Miranda long before Hamilton or Moana, or the rest of the world knew who he was—I had never once imagined myaelf actually attempting to visit Washington Heights, my overall lifelong aversion to New York probably a residual trauma from the last lifetime I had spent in this incarnation—I knew for certain more than once I had lived in this existence—I remembered well Dillon Francis and the lifetimes I had spent with him—and now I wondered exactly which one this one was; I had gotten what I had wanted “Show me your girlfriend.” I thought, upon waking up from a dream I had spent with him “I want to see.” I thought loudly, smirking to myself and stepping into the shower, where I often— for some strange reason thought about Dillon Francis. But this particular morning—I thought about Dillon Francis, his girlfriend, their two dogs, his mother, and my ex husband—the latter of which I cursed silently, mumbling something under my breath about “whatever, fuck it” and wondering if I should spend the evening after working “being Sunnï Blū”, which meant sitting down with a tall can of bud light and chasing it with a Truly or two, sipping on something even fruitier like a Mike's Hard Lemonade and sifting through beats entirely too drunk enough to create any of my own (but just drunk enough to rap something funny and fall asleep sad as fuck….) only to wake, undoubtedly even sadder, very sleepy, and dilapidated—but at least with a rap track worth spinning into my sets, or not—the more I became a DJ the less I actually wanted to be a DJ. Now I just wanted a husband, a baby—or maybe just two dogs and a Dillon Francis, and I couldn't imagine why or how I had become so twisted up in my overt attraction to the man that it had actually become continually devastating to have to think about him with someone else—and though even from the beginning I knew it could have never been someone like me—I wondered why someone like me even existed, when the type of men I was attracted to always had Kayla Laurens. Always. I was learning from everything I was taking in—things I wanted and needed to know. I had only just earlier asked God for “closure with Dillon Francis”, and God had in fact been showing off with a fierceness at how quickly it could work to fulfill my every request, prayer, and wish—and how instantly God acknowledged any of my thoughts, wants, and needs. “Okay.” I had never really been up and about so early In New York, but could in no way wrap my mind around a wink of sleep, the strangeness of having been dead-on looming in my chest and wrapping into a sensation of arrogant ritghteouaness—the deep burning hardening into a pungent sting in the confines of my abdomen “Fuck this”, I muttered, thinking to myself “I don't want to be a superstar DJ. I want to be a housewife.” I had used Dillon's Instagram as an EDM Newsfeed—it was the safer bet above anything else, as I knew wandering off into DJ land would produce even more hurtful images of skinny girls prancing around promoting their horrible music—or even worse—pretty boy DJs and their pretty white girlfriends on private jets or backstage at festivals, rubbing noses with the other wealthy socialites my own poor choices had excluded me from being allowed to become; at least I was finally willing to take accountability for just being shitty. It would be embarrassing for a man of such prominence to dip below his social class, especially to one that had already been used, abused, and broken—such as I. “Get off at 181st”, and take the escalator—“ As it turns out, Lin Manuel was an excellent controller of sorts—or had at least given accurate enough directions, and though there was no actual escalator—at least that I found upon the exit, I felt as if walking up the accessible ramp through the arched tunnel, I was perhaps entering itself the 4th dimension—and though I had learned of the ascended realms and dimensions beyond the 4th, having finally accessed how to fluidly travel between them—or to differentiate one from another as they often crossed and intersected, gliding amongst them, I had been shaking myself loose from being tricked in any way into believing anything I had dreamt up or written would ever be more than what it was—a one-sided blind-eyed attempt at success from the back way in. It seemed everyone was getting married or already was—even Porter Robinson, which seemed bizarre, as though he was older than me, maybe even by only a little—I still thought of him as so young; then again, most people my age were also married—and here I was, finally divorced and why in the world I wanted so badly to do it all over again—but better. It really was true what had always been said—the first heartbreak being the worst, and that once a woman gets over the father of her children, almost anything goes; I. Oils no longer be worried with whether or not I would be cheated on again, as I probably would l—and it didn't matter. It took 30 years to figure out that society was made by and for cheating males—our responsibility as women learning as best we could to swallow the truth whole; that men craved youthful, tiny women most their lives—and the rest of us, well… “WHATEVER.” WHATEVER. What— Ever. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.

Slop CItizens!!!!!!  Watch this weeks episode on YouTube https://youtu.be/1OIBvZE_zB4 We are officially done with the Spring 2 Fingers & A 12 Pack Tour, thank you so much to everyone who came to see us while on the road. We are unbelievably grateful and love you all. we will be taking a rest week next week while we get our lives back together. Don't even remember what we recorded this week on Slop City, but I know we talked about skinwalkers- HEHEHE   XO LOVE YA ALL HAIL PUCINA RANCH  

Hi storytelling friends, it's your chuga chuga chu chuuuu storytelling train making #Anodabanger #Epic stop

Had to go there...See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Read along to practice your English and to learn the English phrases AT THE END OF THE DAY and TO MAKE A DAY OF ITIn this English lesson I wanted to help you learn the English phrase at the end of the day. Now, this can literally mean at the end of the day. At the end of the day, I go home. Well, at the end of my workday. But we also use this the same way we use the word ultimately. To kind of sum up a thought. When you're working hard at the end of the day, you can only do so much. When you are helping someone out. At the end of the day, you can only do so much to make their life better. So ultimately you can only help someone so much before they need to help themselves. So we use the phrase at the end of the day to kind of sum up to kind of clarify a thought that we're having. I don't think I'm explaining this very well. Let me try to think of another example. At the end of the day, all I can do is make the best video lessons I can and hopefully they help you. So ultimately, all I can really do is make the lessons as good as I can. So it's not exactly the end of the day, but it's kind of summarizing a thought.WANT FREE ENGLISH LESSONS? GO TO YOUTUBE AND SEARCH, "BOB THE CANADIAN"If you enjoy these lessons please consider supporting me at: http://www.patreon.com/bobthecanadianThe second phrase I wanted to teach you is the phrase to make a day of it. When you make a day of something, it means something wasn't going to take the whole day. But you add one or two things to make a day of it. If we go to visit Jen's parents, sometimes we just go for a cup of tea. But sometimes we decide to make a day of it. We go for a cup of tea. We help Jen's dad on his farm a little bit. We help Jen's mom do some work in her garden, possibly, instead of just going for an hour or two, we decide to make a day of it.So to review at the end of the day simply means ultimately, or to summarize or my final thoughts on something and to make a day of it means to plan to do something that will take most of the day instead of just a little part of it.But hey, let's look at a comment from a previous video. This comment is from Marcio. How are you, Professor Bob? I'm Brazilian and here the autumn season has already started. I really like you and your videos. Thank you. I'm very happy with the new season in your country because you will be able to make video lessons for us without freezing. Hehehe. A hug for you and your whole family. And my response. My favorite type of day for making videos would be cloudy, mild and no wind. Hopefully there are lots of those coming up.So thanks, Marcio, for that comment. Yes, this is literally my favorite type of day for making a video, although it is a little bit windy. I'm hiding by the shed so that the wind doesn't hit the microphone too badly. But my favorite kind of day for making an English lesson would be cloudy. When it's cloudy, the camera can focus really well and the video just looks nice. The cloud kind of diffuses the sunlight. That's how we would describe it in English. So clouds create really nice light for a video. When it's mild then I don't get hot or cold.When we say that it's mild outside, we mean it's like ten degrees or 15 degrees Celsius, something kind of nice. And then what's the last one? No rain. I didn't mention that one. I don't like rain. Oh, no wind. Yeah, wind messes with the microphone. You can't see the microphone, but it's right here. When it's windy, you get that funny sound when I'm outside and it's not very, very pleasant.So yep, that's my favorite kind of day. A day just like today. If we look at the sky, it's overcast or cloudy, we would say. It's a little bit windy, but I have the shed behind me to kind of block the wind and it's mild. I'm outside just wearing my sweatSupport the show

Hi storytelling friends

HEY FAM!!! Nicolette and Jenna are back and better than ever. And SURPRISE!!! We are recording IN PERSON for the next 3 months!!! Tune in to find out some life updates, opinions on Valentine's Day, and new thoughts on snapchat. HEHEHE enjoy :) --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/uncorkandunwined/support

My dad walked into our house in his pilot uniform, looking as charming as ever. “Dad!” I screamed, throwing myself straight into his arms. “Hehehe. My baby love”. He grabbed me and squeezed me tight. “You look amazing, dad! I want to be a pilot just like you when I grow up!”My parents burst into uncontrollable laughter, “Hahahaha Hahahaha Hahahaha Hahahaha”.“What?”“Heck no”.“Exactly”.“Women… Especially women who look as good as you and your beautiful mother here… ”, he hugged my mother and squeezed her shoulder in an affectionate way, “... do not need to work that hard in order to be able to survive. All you need is a good responsible man like me to take good care of you”. “Yup”. “Huh? But I want to be a Pilot! I love flying”. “Your husband will fly you around the world”. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

WHATTHEFUCKISUP, I'm back like your toxic ex

Not click bait - and a genuine episode name. Hehehe love ya! Toni xxx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group!  Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn

Hey folks, I know nobody reads these, but I deadass forgot to upload the podcast yesterday. Don't tell Th3Hoopman! Hehehe. I'm such a lil PRANKSTER. Anyways we're talking about the lukewarm Trek to Yomi reception, and other indie games that should be releasing in the near future!  -------- #FKM Discord https://playerplayerpod.com/discord Website http://playerplayerpod.com/ Twitter https://twitter.com/playerplayerpod Intro Music Provided by Aaron Miller https://www.instagram.com/themillerchild Joseph https://twitter.com/th3hoopman Arsene https://twitter.com/paxarsenica   Kofi https://ko-fi.com/th3hoopman

Could consciousness be the source of all life? Do things exist because something with consciousness willed them to?In this first installment of Conversations on Consciousness, Sarah and Eliza discuss their understanding of consciousness compared to more common-knowledge definitions-- they may even try to make a few up as they go, you'll have to listen and see! Some big questions come up per yoozh, like, "What is life? What is awareness? Does consciousness only happen when we're awake?". Of course, in true tangential 8th House Healers fashion we touch upon topics like haunted possessions, animism, thoughts as matter, and yes, even more. Hehehe….Acknowledgements: New York Times Article: Your Unconscious Mind May Be Smarter Than You Are; Living in a Mindful Universe by Eben Alexander, MD; Maya Mirsky, The Convoluted Universe, by Dolores Cannon; Unwitting Mystic: by Mary Reed; Seat of the Soul: Gary Zucav; My Stroke Of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph. D; Life After Death with Tyler Henry; Tarot of Physics by Dan Horne & Corrine Kenner http://tarotofphysics.com/; Monica Bodirsky of Shadowlands Tarot.8th House Healers Podcast is:Eliza Harris: Owner, Host & Content Creator; andSarah Cole-McCarthy: Owner, Host & Executive Producer/EditorAll rights reserved Podcast webpage: 8thHouseHealers.comWork with Eliza/buy her deck: 8thHouseHealers.com/ElizaWork with Sarah: 8thHouseHealers.com/Sarah We'd love to hear from you! Send your questions, comments & suggestions to us at: 8thhousehealers@gmail.com Podcast cover photography, ‘The Lovers', by Esmerlize (esmerlize.com)Original podcast theme music, ‘Languid Stars', by Dylan McCarthy (dylanmccarthymusic.com)Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/8th-house-healers. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

From Netflix's Twentysomethings: Austin, Keke & Cabo proudly present: Hopeful & Horny!  We are starting off with a bang! Tune in to hear about where we are in life from career to dating. With this episode, we set the tone for creating a podcast that is a safe space to discuss topics that some might find taboo. We wanted to push ourselves out of our comfort zones by sharing personal things we normally wouldn't be so open about. Think of this as our personal diary...welcome! Much love, Keke & Cabo *P.S. this episode definitely leans on the "horny" (NSFW/Explicit) side but fear not! We plan on giving you all a mix of hopeful & horny episodes for Season 1. We promise they won't all be this raunchy....or will they? Hehehe. Follow us on Insta: @hopefulandhorny

Neste podcast: Hoje vai ter terapia! Hehehe. Vamos falar de conteúdo que "adoramos": TIKTOK, cortes em podcasts, crianças populares na internet, pir0c4 gamer, arroz de grão de bico, dialeto gamer na vida real e muito mais. ARTE DA VITRINE: Randall Random Versão Wallpaper da Vitrine HOTMARTSPARKLE Comunidade Bola Presa: https://bit.ly/ComunidadeBolaPresa https://bolapresa.com.br/ NerdBunker Originals: https://bit.ly/NerdbunkerOriginals STORYTEL Acesse: http://story.tel/jovemnerd PAPO DE PARCEIRO Amour pelo o que faz só ajuda a vender mais MEUSUCESSO.COM Teste por 7 dias gratuitamente, tendo acesso a todo conteúdo do site. Acesse: https://bit.ly/3zB6jPo WISE UP ONLINE! A plataforma pra você estudar inglês quando e onde quiser. Acesse: https://bit.ly/3kB3EB6 NERDCAST EMPREENDEDOR NerdCast extra toda última sexta do mês! NerdCast Empreendedor 80 - E-Sports como negócio  Playlist completa Nerdcast Empreendedor: https://bit.ly/3kpYPcA CANECA DE MAMICAS 20 O Amor TRANS-forma E-MAILS Mande suas críticas, elogios, sugestões e caneladas para nerdcast@jovemnerd.com.br EDIÇÃO COMPLETA POR RADIOFOBIA PODCAST E MULTIMÍDIA http://radiofobia.com.br PEDIDO DE DOAÇÃO DE SANGUE Pedido de doação de sangue para Onofre do Nascimento Pereira, no hospital do fundão (Cidade Universitária) no Rio de Janeiro.

Neste podcast: Hoje vai ter terapia! Hehehe. Vamos falar de conteúdo que "adoramos": TIKTOK, cortes em podcasts, crianças populares na internet, pir0c4 gamer, arroz de grão de bico, dialeto gamer na vida real e muito mais. ARTE DA VITRINE: Randall Random Versão Wallpaper da Vitrine HOTMARTSPARKLE Comunidade Bola Presa: https://bit.ly/ComunidadeBolaPresa https://bolapresa.com.br/ NerdBunker Originals: https://bit.ly/NerdbunkerOriginals STORYTEL Acesse: http://story.tel/jovemnerd PAPO DE PARCEIRO Amour pelo o que faz só ajuda a vender mais MEUSUCESSO.COM Teste por 7 dias gratuitamente, tendo acesso a todo conteúdo do site. Acesse: https://bit.ly/3zB6jPo WISE UP ONLINE! A plataforma pra você estudar inglês quando e onde quiser. Acesse: https://bit.ly/3kB3EB6 NERDCAST EMPREENDEDOR NerdCast extra toda última sexta do mês! NerdCast Empreendedor 80 - E-Sports como negócio  Playlist completa Nerdcast Empreendedor: https://bit.ly/3kpYPcA CANECA DE MAMICAS 20 O Amor TRANS-forma E-MAILS Mande suas críticas, elogios, sugestões e caneladas para nerdcast@jovemnerd.com.br EDIÇÃO COMPLETA POR RADIOFOBIA PODCAST E MULTIMÍDIA http://radiofobia.com.br PEDIDO DE DOAÇÃO DE SANGUE Pedido de doação de sangue para Onofre do Nascimento Pereira, no hospital do fundão (Cidade Universitária) no Rio de Janeiro.

Neste podcast: Vamos falar de mais um vendido! Hehehe. Sim, a venda do Orlando City. Como foi para o Flávio Augusto, comprar, fazer crescer e vender o clube. ARTE DA VITRINE: Randall Random MEUSUCESSO.COM Teste por 7 dias gratuitamente, tendo acesso a todo conteúdo do site. Acesse: https://bit.ly/2TG8fpB Site MEUSUCESSO.COM: http://meusucesso.com/ WISE UP ONLINE! A plataforma pra você estudar inglês quando e onde quiser. http://www.wiseuponline.com.br/jovemnerd PROGRAMA ANTERIOR NerdCast Empreendedor 75  Playlist completa Nerdcast Empreendedor: http://bit.ly/2cS4M22 E-MAILS Mande suas críticas, elogios, sugestões e caneladas para nerdcast@jovemnerd.com.br EDIÇÃO COMPLETA POR RADIOFOBIA PODCAST E MULTIMÍDIA http://radiofobia.com.br

Neste podcast: Vamos falar de mais um vendido! Hehehe. Sim, a venda do Orlando City. Como foi para o Flávio Augusto, comprar, fazer crescer e vender o clube. ARTE DA VITRINE: Randall Random MEUSUCESSO.COM Teste por 7 dias gratuitamente, tendo acesso a todo conteúdo do site. Acesse: https://bit.ly/2TG8fpB Site MEUSUCESSO.COM: http://meusucesso.com/ WISE UP ONLINE! A plataforma pra você estudar inglês quando e onde quiser. http://www.wiseuponline.com.br/jovemnerd PROGRAMA ANTERIOR NerdCast Empreendedor 75  Playlist completa Nerdcast Empreendedor: http://bit.ly/2cS4M22 E-MAILS Mande suas críticas, elogios, sugestões e caneladas para nerdcast@jovemnerd.com.br EDIÇÃO COMPLETA POR RADIOFOBIA PODCAST E MULTIMÍDIA http://radiofobia.com.br