Will & Luke Discuss

Find the book: https://sethgillihan.com/books/mindful-cognitive-behavioral-therapy/

This week we discuss Schema Therapy by Jeffrey Young et al. Will interviews Luke on his understandings gained from this great book. We go into what a schema is, where they come from, schema modes, the 5 basic emotional needs and how to address the more maladaptive schemas in our lives. Also the impacts of how having rigid schemas and coping styles that aren't flexible to new information can be problematic. We try to frame this discussion through a self development lense for the general listener. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions - What is a schema?03:30 Where do we get schemas from? 05:50 Early maladaptive schemas? Emotional needs unmet. 08:55 Origins of schemas (5 basic emotional needs: Sense of security, Autonomy - competent identity, freedom to express emotions and needs, spontaneity and play, realistic limits) 12:45 Domains, Needs, Schemas defined 15:55 Difference between conditional schemas vs unconditional schemas 18:59 Applying this self-development (Awareness, reactions/responses, attachment, motivation) Asking - what's the problem or negative life impact? 23:00 Bringing in new awareness and psychological flexibility and compassion 26:31 Change phase (cognitive, behavioural change, compassion based ect) (Challenging on an emotional level and use of imagery) 29:00 How Schema's stay rigid - How coping styles keep them rigid (over compensation, avoidance, surrender) 31:50 The role of temperament on coping styles (patterns we fall into) 37:00 Finding our healthy adult - Schema Modes (Child, Adult, Parent) 40:15 Impact of memory of schemas (procedural memory) 42:30 Change phases again - challenging cognitively, emotionally, behaviourally and interpersonally. (Understand and challenge on a rational level, use of imagery to challenge emotions, trying out new behaviours and habits to act counter to old schemas, having another person respond different and relationships to interact with) 52:00 What are the 18 key schemas? 57:30 Final reflections Find the book: https://schematherapysociety.org/Books This specific episode can also be heard on: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5hudsmo1GWwo7rKoz9jjZX?si=b7acf5e8aece47f4 Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This week we discuss 'The Wisdom of Insecurity' by Alan Watts. A seminal book of his that is an exploration of the law of reversed effort in a human's quest for psychological security and our efforts to find spiritual and intellectual security in religion and philosophy. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions 01:50 The Law of Reversed Effort 05:00 The Age of Insecurity (anticipation of pleasures and avoidance of pains perpetuates suffering) (Our inability to enjoy the present moment) 12:00 The 'I' we refer to (treating life as play) (perspective change) 14:30 How we try numb our negative experiences (how we repress pleasure when we try to repress pain) 18:45 The Wisdom of the Body (and it's interaction with the mind) 27:55 How we symbolise aspects of life as a barrier to experience 34:50 Being aware (and how we perpetuate pain) 39:45 The mind as a sponge and the transitory nature of life (more on labelling and the natural flow to life and experience) 45:00 The transformation of life (making choices and decisions) 50:15 The role and practice of morality 55:30 Final reflections Find the book at: https://alanwatts.org/ This specific episode can also be heard/seen on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUgj_-sUzVw Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This week Luke interviews Will on his recent read of Chatter by Ethan Kross. We cover the key concepts of what mental chatter is, why we have it and the ways it can backfire. Then we get into some really practical strategies to combat it. A great read. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions 01:00 What is chatter 03:45 Why we have chatter 11:00 When talking to ourselves backfires (and discernment) 17:00 Zooming out 21:45 Temporal Distancing and Narrative writing 24:00 The role of perspective, CBT and compassion 30:45 The power and peril of other people. Utilising others to address chatter. Co-rumination trap 38:00 Tools that involve others which lower chatter temperature 41:30 Outside in - environmental supports for chatter. Voluntary and involuntary attention. 44:45 The shrinking of the self 49:30 Benefits of creating order (also rituals) 52:00 Placebo effect 54:30 Final reflections and summary Find the book at: https://www.ethankross.com/ This specific episode can also be heard on: https://open.spotify.com/episode/1uDjy8SFXz8gaSmAlg26wR?si=a73ff58e2ccf494e Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This week, we discussed another fantastic Oliver Burkeman book. The Antidote - Happiness for people who can't stand positive thinking. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke. 00:00 Introductions 03:40 What the book is about? (How we try to be happy and misdirections of self help) 08:30 If we don't address our motivations 'to be happy' (feel we aren't good enough or have low self worth) then we can't be content. Attachments to certain outcomes. Clinging to pleasant, pushing away the negative. (Happiness through uncertainty). 11:30 Negative Capability (learning to tolerate discomfort) 15:00 Law of reversed effort 16:20 Positive Visualisation and Intention setting 20:15 Death reminders (living with life and death a companion) 24:40 Goals can be counterproductive (sacrificing the process by over focusing on the result). Other ways of approaching goals (effectual:resource first then decide goal vs causal: goal first and select resources). 29:45 Approach to habits and systems (when is enough) 38:00 Confronting failure as a vehicle to growth and perfectionism being fear driven 48:10 The safety catch - the hidden catch of insecurity (Longing for futures that we can't control) (Feel vulnerability to experience full range of reactions to the world around us). 54:00 Conclusions Buy the book: https://www.oliverburkeman.com/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C52ac9Bn7cw Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

Find the book: https://www.oliverburkeman.com/

This week we discuss both Essentialism and Effortless by Greg McKeown. Two fantastic books that go perfectly together and cover so much in the realm of personal productivity, freedom and time management. Definitely one of our favourites. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke. 00:00 Introductions (Essentials - Explore, Eliminate, Execute) (Effortless - State, Action, Results) 05:00 Concepts of effort in society 07:00 What is an essentialist? What is a non-essentialist? 13:00 The core mindset of an essentialist 'Do less but better' 15:00 Eliminating (what doesn't matter) and Exploring (what is essential to you) 25:00 Importance of trust in shared projects and ways to make projects effortless 28:42 Having the courage to be 'rubbish'. Produce to keep yourself accountable. 29:50 Creating buffers and responding to deadlines. Upper and Lower Limits. "Don't do today what you can't recovery from tomorrow'' 34:10 Eliminate - how to cut out the trivial. Saying No. Un-committing. Responding to social norms and external pressures. Weighing up trade offs. 47:15 Hell yeah, or No. 48:50 Effortless - motivation and energy as a limited resources. How to make things easy and not live so relentlessly. Orientation switch. 'If you don't decide your priorities then someone else will'. Doing things that are valuable and matter. 54:30 Final reflections - the difference between doing and being. Identity switch. Find Greg McKeown's work: https://gregmckeown.com This specific episode can also be seen on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHD4IiueE38 Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This week we discuss 'The One Thing' by Gary Keller & Jay Papasan. A really interesting read in the area of productivity and lifestyle design which covers the way in which we can prioritise daily actions which serve our greater goals. We talk about the lies we live; by that everything matters equally, that multitasking is possible and how work/life balance isn't a thing amongst others. Also... The Focusing Questions: 'What's the ONE THING I can do such by doing that everything else will be easier or unnecessary'. We also unpack the concepts of the domino effect, extreme pareto, living by priority, living with purpose, sitting in discomfort of letting other areas of life fall behind as you pursue your one thing, living for productivity and time blocking. A really great way to view the different areas of your life and to put what matters first to get the greatest results in line with your values! Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke. 00:00 Introductions 02:20 The concept of 'The One Thing' 05:20 The Lies (1. Everything Matters Equally 2. Multitasking 3. A DisciplinedLife 4. Willpower Is Always on Will-Call 5. A Balanced Life 6. Big Is Bad) 10:03 Maintenance Habits vs Action Habits (and work life balance) 19:53 The Focusing Question 'What's the ONE THING I can do such by doing that everything else will be easier or unnecessary' (Big Picture, Small Focus) (The Domino Effect) (Extreme Pareto) 27:00 Live by Priority (We can have many priorities but there must be one thing right now It's in the journey) (Sitting with discomfort) 30:20 The ONE Thing across different life areas and distractions 37:00 Technology boundaries and distractions 39:45 The impact of these concepts on relationships (being present, deepening relationships) 41:15 Living with Purpose (making sure your daily actions honour this - + WHEN OUR DAILY ACTIONS FULFILL A BIGGER PURPOSE is when we are most happy) (An example) 42:00 The role of habits and finding ones that contribute towards other goals (and routines) 50:40 Planning your life, work and time off. (Time blocking) 54:45 The Four Thieves of our time, energy and attention: 1. Inability to say No 2. Fear of Chaos 3. Poor Health Habits 4. Environment doesn't support goals. 58:45 Final reflections Find the book: https://the1thing.com/ This specific episode can also be heard on: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5D23iDqRIJsVInshlmBKxC?si=3648875efab34580 Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This week we discuss Compassion Focused Therapy by Paul Gilbert who is a clinical psychologist and founder of compassion focused therapy (CFT). We discuss the 3 interacting systems in our mind (Treat, Drive, Soothing), the old brain vs new brain, the mechanisms of change and how to cultivate our mindset to be more compassionate. Alongside compassionate self correction vs shame based self attacking and the attributes of compassions and skills we can develop. Plus much more around shifting from the threat system to a soothing system. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke. 00:00 Introductions 05:00 Key aspect of CFT 07:30 Uses of CBT and interaction with CFT 09:05 3 interacting Systems (Threat, Drive, Soothing) 14:20 Old Brain and New Brain (also physical symptoms) 17:00 The inbuilt soothing system 19:20 The attitude of approaching CFT (de-shaming) (cultivating our mindset) 23:05 The mechanisms of change (1. Disengage from the inner stimulators of threat. 2.Compassionately stand back from one's emotions and observing. 3. Activate the soothing system as a threat regulator. 4. Being able to engage with aversive inner experiences by developing a compassionate inner base) 25:20 Mindset and approaches to CFT. Compassionate self correction vs shame based self attacking. Threat mind vs compassionate mind. 27:20 Attributes of compassion (Sensitivity, Sympathy, Care for well-being, Non-judgemental, Empathy, Distress tolerance) + Skills Training (Imagery, Reasoning, Behaviour, Sensory, Feeling, Attention. 33:00 Social Mentalities (we have a number of these that enable us to seek out and form certain types of relationships). (Competitive vs Caring Mentality) 37:20 Creating a compassionate base and cultivating a compassionate mind 51:00 Striving vs acceptance 54:20 Final reflections and examples around self talk and noticing the systems we enter into. This specific episode can also be seen on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsCvmhEIO7s Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public. Find the book: https://www.compassionatemind.co.uk/resource/books

This week we discuss 'The Art of Living' by Epictetus. An ancient stoic philosopher who's work has influenced much of the self-help and CBT literature of the modern day. We discuss the role of philosophy according to Epictetus, how to focus on what is in our control (as well as how to let go of those thing that are outside of our influence), taking an attitude towards ethical daily decision making, self responsibility and the call to action in life. Also how we develop ourselves in relationship to others and the impacts of our words, actions and attitudes with those around us. Alongside the power of habit and how to manage our higher ideals against the day to day tasks of living. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke. 00:00 Introductions and context 03:30 The role of philosophy according to Epictetus - The process of becoming who we are 07:40 Focusing and what is in your control. What can we influence? (Call to in the moment mindfulness) (The impact of expectations and judgements) (Seperate reality vs projections) 15:50 Philosophy is for everyone. Application towards daily decision making. Call to self-responsibility and action. Consider who you want to be 18:30 We develop ourself in relation to others (Relational perspective) 21:35 The impact of other people in our lives 28:45 Impact of the conversations, interactions and media we consume 31:40 How are our attitudes, thoughts, words and deeds impacting others around us 36:50 The power of habit to facilitate living by your own ideals (and the cycle of negativity) (Influence on CBT + ACT alongside benefits of mindfulness) 42:00 Managing the day to day vs higher ideals 44:00 Luke's favourite quotes 49:00 Conclusions Buy the book: https://www.sharonlebell.com/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMZcpkRhHhM Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This week we discuss Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and it's All Small Stuff. A book which was full of nuggets of wisdom around how to keep perspective on life when caught up in day to tasks and worries. We discuss how to make peace with imperfection, how to stop our thoughts from snow balling and how we are what we practice the most. Plus much more. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke. 00:00 Introductions (A book about perspective) (Ideas from ACT, CBT, Stoicism, Buddhism) 04:50 Altering our life by altering our attitude. Don't sweat the ball stuff 08:35 Watching the snowballing of your thoughts (the power of thoughts)(Transforming relationship with out thoughts) 13:40 Accepting all aspects of yourself - compassion 14:30 Try to take a broad perspective on life during the day to day (how to engage with others) (Listening to those closest to us) 18:40 Choosing your battles wisely and If someone throws you a ball you don't have to catch it (Boundaries) 22:00 Making peaceful with imperfection. What is success? Perfection? Balancing wider life purposeful when dealing with small stuff. Fixed vs Growth mindset. Expectations. 29:45 Lighten Up. Be sincere not Serious. Life as play. 33:25 Becoming an early rise and shifting morning routines. Structure, self responsibility accountability. 37:30 Remember, you become what you practice most (what behaviours and reactions are we cultivating in day to day moments) 42:10 Checking you ego and checking perspective in response to others 46:45 Wrap-up and final reflections Buy the book: https://dontsweat.com/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/-Uo562d9AYQ Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This week we discuss The Happiness Hypothesis. Jonathon has laid out for us 10 key ideas derived from ancient wisdom that guide us in ways to achieve human flourishing and happiness, taking a positive psychology approach. We talk about a number of concepts around aligning our values with day to day action, integrating our personality across multiple levels and ways to cope during adversity. We also look into what Jonathon means by 'Happiness Between', work's role in happiness, how to change our mind and his notion of training the 'rider' of our emotional 'elephant' in order to create sustained change. A real catch all episode. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke. 00:00 Introduction 03:00 Elephant and Rider concept 5:30 The uses of adversity (post traumatic growth). 3 Levels of integration to achieve in our personality - basic traits, characteristic adaptations and our life story. Ways of coping - active, appraisal and avoidance. (Adapting self, adapting to environment and changing environment) 15:30 Pursuit of Happiness - Chapter 5 - Matching long term goals with short term ones. Taking action vs acceptance and loss of attachments. (Adaptation principle) (Progress principle) 21:10 Work's role in Happiness and discovering meaning (Engaging in our environment and work matching values) 25:15 Happiness Hypothesis - Happiness comes from between 30:00 Change your mind - Re-training the elephant through strengthening the rider! How to create sustained change. Tightening up vs loosening. 38:00 The Divided self - reason and emotion working together 39:40 Virtue Ethics - building individual virtues and character 42:00 Life being play (seriousness vs sincerity) playing our 'role' in life. Not investing life so intensely that it becomes stressful. (Life story is - Reconstructed past, perceived present and anticipated future) 47:00 Acceptance vs Striving 48:00 Conclusion Find the book at: https://jonathanhaidt.com/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/3wb9AnfCubM Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This week we look into Cal Newport's 'Deep Work'. Talking about how we can use our time wisely to focus on what really matters free from unnecessary distractions and how can be push ourselves to our cognitive limits. We discuss how deep work is a skill that requires training and how we can best use the limited amount of time and energy we have in a day. We cover concepts of task switching, the impacts of technology on concentration, how to create free mental space to work and replenish ourselves. With a lengthy discussion on the 4 types of 'Depth Philosophies' that we can engage in. We think this one builds really nicely on the back of digital minimalism by the same author. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke. 00:00 Introduction 2:40 What is Deep Work and why is it so valuable 4:40 Impact of Technology 6:10 Busy vs Productive/Effective 10:15 Importance of deep work - what we choose to pay attention to and how to become less distracted and Flow. (Wider impacts) 15:15 Rules of Deep Work: Work Deeply (create the space/structure). It takes practice. 23:00 Depth Philosophies: Monastic (large chunk of time away), Journalistic (squeeze in deep work when you can), Rhythmic (clearly defined moments for deep work, develop a habit), Bimodal (day/few days off) 36:55 Other deep work strategies (embrace boredom, quitting social media, locking out sacred time, understanding your mental capacity, planning time to do specific tasks, schedule every part of your day, end of day rituals, treat emails as a distraction). 44:00 Training yourself to rejuvenate vs training to do deep work. Meaningful leisure not just 'chilling out'. 46:30 'Humans were born to be busy' - push yourself 49:00 Deep Work can be calculated by how long it would take to learn. 52:00 Conclusions Find the book: https://www.calnewport.com/books/deep-work/ This specific episode can also be watched on: https://youtu.be/PvkmvKYSGJU Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

How do we make friends, create networks and maintain strong ties with those in our lives? What reasons do people come and go from our lives? And, how can we deepen our friendships in moment to moment interactions? We discuss Marissa's ideas around social chemistry and the 3 types of networks/styles we adopt (Expansionists, Conveyers and Brokers). We also get stuck into ideas around work/life balance, the impact of technology on friendships and how we can diversify our networks. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke. 00:00 Introductions and Communication Styles/Ties 04:28 Structures of Networks + What is friendship and how does it develop? 9:30 Expansionists 14:21: Conveners 16:30 Brokers 19:15 Friendships - 'In the Moment' + Impact of phone use + Follow up questions 27:10 Barriers to and enhancers of communication (Enhancing self awareness and self faculty) 35:33 Oscillating between Broker and Convener - changing styles throughout life. 37:42 Work/Life Balance (Segmenters vs Integrators) 44:20 Energising vs Draining friendships 47:00 Maintenance through technology and shared activities 52:25 Who we are drawn to as friends and expanding diversity of networks 55:40 Final reflections and wrap up This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/aOvZ7MFLR4U Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public. Purchase the book: https://marissaking.com/socialchemistry

This week we discuss Cal Newport's 'Digital Minimalism'. As technology, apps and social media continue to grip our attention and affect us in a multitude of negative ways, how can we gain back control? How can we optimise and extract value from the technologies we currently use so we have more time for meaningful activities and connections? We discuss some of the practices Cal suggests, as well as looking at aspects of having a digital declutter, the benefits of solitude and curating our information diet. A real practical episode with plenty of take aways. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions 2:15 Digital Life and the Philosophy of new technology 6:30 The Digital Declutter 8:50 Our inability to be alone 9:20 Technology and our core needs 10:50 Connection vs Conversation (Shallow vs Deep interactions) (Conversation centric communication) 15:30 Texting, compulsions, freedom 19:00 Utilising the benefits of technology - optimisation and extracting the value 24:05 Benefits of solitude and practices 32:00 Scheduling low quality leisure 33:25 Single purpose devices, utilising functions, notifications and other practices 36:00 Curating your information diet 38:30 Making your life full of non phone based activities + Doing 'nothing' is over-rated (Discover valuable activities) 43:00 Re-connecting with the body 44:20 Will's key take-aways 46:00 Conclusions around digital minimalism This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/HKoee_TWD00 Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public. Purchase the book: https://www.calnewport.com/books/digital-minimalism/

Carpe Diem! Seize the day! You only live once! So many catch-all philosophies for living but what do they actually mean and how can we best live life to the fullest. This week we discuss the 5 ways that we can seize the day, extract full meaning from our days and look back on our life with few regrets. Also the ways in which we sculpt ourselves through our choices and the power of autonomy. We discuss how Carpe Diem has been hijacked, the cultural impacts on our ability to seize the day and the psychological blocks we can experience when trying to make the most of our lives. Ideas around death, freedom, power, procrastination, spontaneity, hedonism, mindfullness and the grasping of opportunity are explored. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke. 00:00 Introductions and old meanings of Carpe Diem 04:30 Cultural Highjacks of Carpe Diem 08:50 Cultural impacts 10:10 The 5 Ways to 'Seize the Day' (Spontaniety, Opportunity, Presence, Politics, Hedonism) 10:50 'Opportunity' 16:30 'Dancing with Death' and 'Death tasters' 24:25 The 'Role' Breaker 29:00 Moving life into 'Chaos' 30:10 'Hedonism' 34:40 'Presence' 43:30 I choose, therefor I am. Meaning through autonomy and choice. How we shape ourselves. (Act first think later) 48:10 'Spontaneity' - Improvised, unplanned living 54:47 Impact of technology on spontaneity 56:15 Psychological blocks to Carpe Diem (Risk, Overload, Apathy and Procrastination) 1:08:20 Conceptualising morality within Carpe Diem ideas 1:10:10 Wrap up This specific episode can also be seen on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXbjT723BsY Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public. Find the book: https://www.romankrznaric.com/carpe-diem-regained

A lively discussion about Jordan Peterson's latest book, Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for Life. We cover some of the chapters we found most inspiring and actionable. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions 07:00 Titles of the rules 09:25 Rule 2: Imagine who you could be and aim single mindedly at that 16:50 Rule 5: Do not do things you hate 26:30 Rule 3: Do not hide unwanted things in the fog 30:40 Rule 11: Do not allow yourself to become resentful deceitful or arrogant. 36:30 The narratives we have of the world 41:15 Rule 12: Be grateful despite your suffering 45:35 Rule 8: Try to make one room in your house as beautiful as possible 53:40 Chapter 9: If old memories still haunt you, write them down carefully and completely 1:00:33 Final reflections Buy the book: https://www.jordanbpeterson.com/beyond-order/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/zCSK9jnbRTY Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This episode we look at Attachment Theory. We dive into: the four attachment styles (Secure, Ambivalent, Avoidant and Disorganised); the six domains of attachment theory; narrative approaches in psychotherapy; the construction of self; achieving an internal secure base; and balancing our needs for intimacy and authenticity. This is really dense and informative episode. We worked a lot out in real time. It was a challenging read, and a pleasure to discuss. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions 2:00 What the book is about? 4:20 Background on attachment theory (The strange situation) Secure, Ambivalent, Avoidant and Disorganised. 13:50 6 Domains of Attachment Theory (The Secure Base, Protest, Assertiveness and Anger, Exploration and Play, Loss, Internal working models, Reflection Function and Narrative Competence) 21:40 The Adult Attachment Interview 26:55 Attachment and Narrative in Psychotherapy 40:05 Construction of Self (vs Attachments in relationship) 47:30 Trusting oneself and self-compassion 50:55 Need for intimacy and authenticity 54:55 How to achieve internal secure base (with others?) (How change happens) 1:03:20 Final reflections (Nurturing feelings and self-acceptance) (Maintaining narratives) This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/pq2xSsd9I1s Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

How can we retain the value of the content we consume from all the various inputs in our lives in a structured way? How do we tie together all the unclosed loops in our mind? This episode we get stuck into Tiago Forte's 'Building a Second Brain'. Forte encourages us to create a system outside of our (first) brain to organise, preserve and recall information in a meaningful way. We look at his CODE System and PARA Method alongside ideas about how we organise our lives in an increasingly digital world. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions 6:00 Purpose of Building a Second Brain 9:00 The CODE System (Capture, Organise, Distill, Express) 13:55 Capturing (Inspiring, Useful, Easily Lost and Personal) 23:45 PARA Method (Projects, Areas, Resources and Archives) 31:00 Not software specific (Being versatile) 34:10 Categories must be personal 35:10 Archives 38:00 Weekly review (Email, Calendar, Desktop, Notes, Tasks) 43:25 Wide view on switch from paper to digital 50:30 Distilling (and progressive summarisation) 54:28 Express (doesn't have to be done to express) 55:55 Key take-aways (Starting with abundance) (Capturing your passions) References: Tiago Forte's Building a Second Brain Blog Posts: Building a Second Brain Overview: https://fortelabs.co/blog/basboverview/ PARA Method: https://fortelabs.co/blog/para/ Weekly Review: https://fortelabs.co/blog/the-one-touch-guide-to-doing-a-weekly-review/ Tiago Forte's Building a Second Brain Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/episode/46BdDKMSBxYXKpjSoYtP2X Schools Sucks Project Podcast on Building a Second Brain: https://schoolsucksproject.com/706-building-a-second-brain-part-1-of-2-podcast-706/ https://schoolsucksproject.com/buildingasecondbrain2/ David Allen's Getting Things Done (GTD): https://gettingthingsdone.com/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/m5Jn0XIF4Tg Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This episode we explore stress: what it is, its physiological impacts, and what we can do about it. We talk about warning signs, burn-out, ways of de-activating the stress response, the impacts of chronic stress, and how to modulate it. We highlight in particular how the psychological and physiological cannot be considered as separate. With this in mind, we consider the social contributors of stress, and how the way we structure our time impacts our stress levels. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions 05:25 What stress is 11:10 Nervous System (Parasympathetic vs Sympathetic) and the Endrochrine System 14:30 Turning the stress response off 20:00 Realising the importance of science + truth 22:50 Early warning signs (Predictability and Control) 38:00 How we modulate our stress response (Impact of temperament, personality, world view) (Cognitive framing) (Impact of self esteem/self worth) 44:30 Stress and Depression 51:50 Social contributors and impacts of stress 59:15 Key takeaways for managing stress 1:07:14 Stress and Striving (overloading yourself) (Planning your week) 1:14:00 Final reflections This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/Xg9rcnE8-WY Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This episode we look into Tara Brach's concept of Radical Acceptance, which explores ways of opening up to uncomfortable feelings with a compassionate attitude and willing acceptance. We look at the importance of the sacred pause, compassion in relationship, striving vs acceptance and not using mindfulness as a control strategy. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions 4:40 The trance of unworthiness 11:25 Striving vs Acceptance 12:50 Person Centred Theory (Internal vs External Locus of Control) 17:30 Radical acceptance vs desire (Striving vs Acceptance) (Needs not as a response to threat) 25:10 Opening our heart (anticipation of pain makes us self preserve through stories) 32:15 The Sacred Pause (within interactions) 40:20 Compassion not as a means to 'achieve something' 41:35 Visualisation and Intention Setting 46:45 Acceptance in Relationship (Widening circle of compassion) (Not treating others as objects) 53:25 Awakening together and communication (Genuine intimacy) 1:00:00 Final Reflections (Sitting deeply with our feelings, not mindfulness as avoidance) References: https://www.tarabrach.com/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/qLVRl_E5hYY Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

From this seminal book in the self-help field, we start by discussing the maturity level of independence, and its three corresponding habits: Be Proactive; Begin with the End in Mind; and Put First Things First. We then move on to the three habits of interdependence: Think Win-Win; First Seek first to Understand, Then to Be Understood; and Synergise. We also explore ideas around: paradigm shifts; our circle of concern vs. circle of influence vs. circle of control; emotional security bank accounts; honesty; and integrity -- so much covered. We really liked this one! Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions 06:15 What Covey defines as a habit 07:30 Principles vs Values 10:40 Production vs Production Capability (The maturity continuum) 14:30 Principle centre (example of a paradigm shift) 23:30 Habit 1 - Being Proactive (a private victory) (Circle of influence and concern) (Direct, indirect or no control) 37:00 Habit 3 - Putting first things first (Time quadrants) (Daily adapting/flexibility and subordinating to higher values) 49:40 Emotional internal security account deposits. Personal leadership (Habit 2) 55:55 Public Victories (Habits 4 Think Win/Win, 5 Seek first to understand before being understood, 6 Synergise) (Putting you map to one side) 1:04:30 Keeping to commitments. Honesty and Integrity 1:08:00 Emotional bank accounts and being present in each others company 1:12:45 Habit 4 Think Win/Win (No deal is an option) 1:23:05 Habits 6 - Synergise - Creative Cooperation 1:26:30 Habit 7 - Sharpen The Saw (Tone, Connection, Spirituality + Autonomy) 1:33:20 Final reflections Find the book: https://www.franklincovey.co.uk/the-7-habits-of-highly-effective-people/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/I3MSlgI5-2Y Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

More than just tidying, we unpack the spirit of the 'Konmari Method'. We discuss ideas such as: what items spark joy, restoring balance in one's personal space, letting go of the past, fear of the future, and the deeper meanings of the connections we have with our possessions. We also explore the wider implications of a balanced environment, and how tidying can harness our decision-making ability and our intuition about what's truly important. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:00 Introduction 07:43 The aspects of tiding up (Getting rid of things and putting things away) Perfection as the aim 11:40 Attitude of tidying up from Marie Kondo (Function, information and emotional attachment) 15:45 Identity and tidying up (Restoring psychological balance) 20:32 It's not about the amount of stuff you have/Lifestyle impacts/financial thoughts/charity donating 26:10 Gifting and others view on your discarding 31:40 We aren't taught to tidy 33:00 Minimalism vs Maree Kondo Method (Practical vs Emotional) 37:00 Clothes 45:15 Books + Diaries + Cards 52:40 Not just chucking stuff away for the sake of it. Healthy joy vs unhealthy attachment 54:30 Gifts 55:55 Wider implications (learning to listen to yourself and decision making) (Possessions as an extension of who you are) 59:50 Responsibility and Clarifying our wants 1:01:30 Miscellaneous + Mementos (either own them or don't) 1:03:30 Moving House and Visualising 1:07:37 Making a shrine 1:10:40 Final reflections Buy the book at: https://konmari.com/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/pOFS32s1JfM Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

We discuss some timeless wisdom from Roman Stoic (and Emperor!) Marcus Aurelius. Stoicism teaches us that our perception of the world is what determines how we feel, not the reality of the world itself. With that in mind, we cover ideas of striving vs. acceptance, active participation in life, a willing acceptance of 'fate', death, praise, goal setting, self-deception, values, truth, freedom, and the importance of working on one's character. This is one of Will's personal favourites. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions 4:00 About Marcus Aurelius and the book 5:00 Overview of Stoicism (perceiving things objectively, active participation and cooperation with the world, willing acceptance of fate) 14:15 Structure of the book and links to current self-help books 17:30 Striving vs Acceptance (focusing on the moment, aiming high) 24:40 Working on your character, telling the truth, and self deception. 'If it's not right, don't do it. If it's not true, don't say it' 31:55 Striving, goals, and death 41:00 Each moment being a chance to choose your reaction and action. Choose now. Cost of goals ahead of means. Don't loose values in attainment of goals (we can forget). 46:55 You can choose to within at any given moment to renew (and others opinions) 49:11 Luke's stand outs (Other's praise, Death, Truth + Nature, Popular beliefs, Freedom through redirecting to be free from an old way of thinking, Harm through inaction) 57:45 Final thoughts This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/j-lAMUOxKlk Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This episode we reflect back over all the content we've consumed in 2020, and springboard some ideas for areas of growth in 2021. 00:00 Introductions 2:00 Habits (tracking and environment) 5:15 Sleep (winter vs summer) 8:00 Delayed gratification and self compassion 10:30 Black and white thinking. Striving vs Acceptance 13:00 Order and Structure 17:00 Incorporating self help content 18:35 4 Hour Work Week + Tony Robins - Time of Your Life 21:35 Boundaries and communication 25:55 Mindfulness and awareness raising (and it's negatives) 32:00 Toxic positivity (Accepting Inner life and behaviour and responsibility) 41:00 Reflections on the project (Remembering self vs experiencing self; Flow; Process vs Outcome; Examined vs Unexamined life) 47:45 Effortless progress and working against the culture/environment you're in 53:03 Benefits of religious cultures/pre-defined structures and groups 55:30 Lifestyle design 57:40 Final Reflections This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/gz0dpYlO2cw Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This episode we unpack Peterson's notions of self responsibility, values, defining goals and confronting chaos with truth and order. We also explore ideas around choice points, not sweeping things under the rug, telling the truth, clarifying motives, acting towards well-defined ends and allowing life to unfold. This book is a real call to action and a reflection on what's important, looking at the barriers to living purposeful and happy lives through the adoption of responsibility. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions 4:00 Authors approach to writing 7:20 Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping 12:15 Being precise in your speech 13:25 Order vs Chaos (comfort zones) 17:30 Stop doing what you know not to be true. Denying reality. 24:10 Sweeping things under the rug - choice points 32:10 Self Authoring Program (Responsibility and control) 36:30 Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street (Appreciating beauty, being is becoming) 43:50 Humour as a strength 46:15 Sentiments of The 12 Rules 49:30 Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who someone else is today 54:40 Goal settings and processes (Also look at who you DON'T want to be). Enjoying the growth process 59:10 Assume the person you are talking to knows something you don't AND make friends with people who want the best for you 1:03:02 The benefit of being in new places and new beginnings 1:08:55 Cultural impacts on striving/success 1:13:00 Stand up straight with your shoulders back (Body language) 1:15:20 Final reflections Purchase the book at: https://www.jordanbpeterson.com/ https://www.selfauthoring.com/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/04OLdD8PoWQ Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

From Eric Berne's seminal book 'Game People Play', we look at the ways in which people communicate and structure time through social intercourse and 'Games'. We explore our human needs for Stimulus, Recognition and Structure hunger, and how we utilise ego states (Parent, Adult or Child) and systems of structuring time (Rituals, Pastimes, Activities, Games or Intimacy) to get these needs met. We then explore how to interact with more intimate and authentic communication, sharing our inner life candidly, without utilising avoidance strategies. This was all really interesting. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions 2:45 'Games' and 'Strokes' (Also, Time Structuring - Withdrawal, Rituals, Pastimes, Activity, Games & Intimacy) 6:50 What is a 'game' - ongoing ulterior transactions, well defined and predictable outcomes. Professional games and social games. 08:15 'Strokes' - through social intercourse we crave - Stimulus hunger, Recognition hunger and Structure hunger) and Pastimes (structured interval of time) 15:15 Ego States - Coherent system of behaviour patterns and feelings (Adult -critical or nurturing, Parent, Child - adaptive or free) 22:15 Complimentary and crossed transactions 28:43 Types of Games (Interior motives vs exterior communication) 45:45 Authentic communication through different ego states 53:50 Psychiatry 1:05:00 Final reflections Purchase the book at: http://www.ericberne.com/games-people-play/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/B7_khM4I704 Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This episode we discuss body-language expert, Mark Bowden's book, Winning Body Language. It ties in nicely with the last episode on Non-Violent Communication, which is largely based on speech. However, Bowden states that 93% of communication is non-verbal. Thus, we discuss how body language expresses our internal state, and how to use body language techniques, while remaining congruent. We explore posture, the various 'body planes', creating conditions of understanding and safety, our different tension states, ways to inject a 'story' into our message, asking for things and how to support others to feel safe and understood. Overall we look at how our body and voice can be utilised to convey the precise meaning we want. We really enjoyed this one and covered a fair bit of ground. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions 4:55 How messages come across during communication (93% - is non verbal) 8:00 Body plains (creating an open body language) (truth plane) 11:45 Body positioning 15:00 We are naturally geared to the negative 19:09 How we present the information and create the conditions (passion plane) 23:50 Talking on an in-breath 28:10 Facial expressions (and the indeterminate smile, head tilt, eye brow raise) (YES state) 34:00 Communication in conflict/disagreeance 38:30 Incongruent body language (when this is forced) 43:30 Different tension states (no tension, relaxed, neutral, deliberate, alert, agitated, entranced, total tension) 48:40 Luke's reflections 50:55 Injecting 'story' into communication (truth plane - passion plane - truth plane) 56:20 Supporting others to feel safe in communication when in their (space) (Boundaries - Conveying I'm here to give) 1:03:00 'Strokes' to support others to feel safe and handshakes 1:05:48 Final reflections (link to transactional analysis) TED talk by Mark Bowden: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zpf8H_Dd40 Purchase the book at : https://truthplane.com/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/eBM-HbHwoow Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This episode we cover one of Luke's favourite concepts around communication, Marshall Rosenberg's 'Non-Violent Communication'. We discuss the ideas of communicating with other's from a place of 'feelings' and 'needs' as a way of connecting with others, based on the principle that our feelings are indications of met (or unmet) needs and that the best communication is when we are voluntarily contributing to others' well being. This is opposed to language which moves us away from people such as labelling or casting judgement. We discuss ways to better communicate in conflict and when making requests. Also how to express empathy and really being able to connect deeper with other people when we converse with them. We also discuss developing language of gratitude in particular to giving specific feedback to others. Plenty covered in this one and lots of takeaways. Hope you enjoy Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions and key concepts 4:45 About Marshall Rosenberg 8:20 Connecting with other people's feelings and needs during communication 9:40 Language to move away from the other (jackal language) (casting judgement, labelling) 14:40 Non 'violent' communication 18:00 Yes-saying jackals 23:15 Choice and it's relationship to communication (Denying responsibility) 25:35 Communication in conflict (noticing when we are responding to inner sense of anger, guilt, depression and shame - distortion of needs) (Concrete observation without judgement, feeling, need and request - not demand) (Speaking in giraffe) 34:15 Requests and saying no. Also finding our own language 40:55 Communicating with empathy (being present. not giving advice and not saying you understand) 46:32 Examples of a conflict we've had and seeing it through a Non-Violent communication framework 1:02:15 Use of communication to celebrate life and express gratitude (not just for conflict resolution) 1:07:40 Non-verbal communication 1:09:45 Final reflections Purchase the book at: https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/i7H8Tq7PV7E Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

In this final part of our trio on productivity and lifestyle design, we discuss David Allen's productivity system, 'Getting Things Done' (GTD), a fresh way to look at all the 'things', 'tasks' and 'stuff' in one's life. GTD helps you feel safe that whatever you are doing is what you want to be doing, and feel ok with the things that you're not. It takes the responsibility of remembering away from your brain, to allow it room to do what it's good at -- creativity, planning and learning. Key values are: creating psychological space; encouraging engagement in life; and helping us not feel like we need to be anywhere else other than with the task at hand, leading to a sense of flow and confidence. It's very much a bottom up approach: Start with your 'stuff' and clear your head. Sound a bit confusing? I think we make sense of it. Hope you enjoy Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions 03:50 Luke's journey with 'Getting Things Done'. Creating an overview. 5:00 Closing of open loops. External storing system. 9:40 The inventory process and the 'inbox' 12:30 The 5 steps to mastering workflow (Capture what has our attention, Clarify what each item means, Organise - which presents options, then Reflect/Choose and Engage) 16:20 Next action steps + projects 18:43 4 Criteria for deciding on next actions (time available, energy available. context and priority) 20:16 Capturing (never have the same thought twice) 22:44 2 minute rule, next action list, deferring, protecting your calendar and 'waiting for' list. Or does it end up in 'reference' or 'someday' or 'tickler file'. 43:20 Some simple take aways instead of whole system (prioritising and categorising) 46:21 How to do something productive when lazy vs allowing yourself to relax knowing your 'stuff is organised'. Effects of procrastination. 49:20 Productivity and the remembering self. Personal accountability. More able to confidently say no. 54:00 Agreements with yourself (3 ways: 1. Don't make the agreement, 2. Complete the agreement 3. re-negotiate the agreement) 57:10 Bottom up approach. Start with your stuff! 1:04:30 Comparisons with 'The 4 Hour Work Week' and how the mind works with undefined 'stuff' and current responsibilities. 1:13:45 Will's take aways into current system (Next actions list, floater tasks, weekly review, ground level 'stuff') Purchase the book at: https://gettingthingsdone.com/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/tJThvNwbsEQ Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This episode we jump around topics of lifestyle-design and job-crafting, primarily looking at how to achieve freedom and security through a personally crafted work/life balance. We ask what it means to build our lives around what we enjoy, asking questions such as 'What's the best use of our time and energy?' and 'How can we be productive yet not busy?'. We discuss using techniques such as remote working, elimination, selective ignorance, time management and the art of non-finishing -- a few things for us to consider as we get older and deeper into our careers. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions 02:50 Lifestyle design (and design within the work you do) 4:55 What you love being tied to income generation 9:00 Influence of being in new environments and cultures 12:00 Work leave and casual workforce 15:30 Mini-retirements 19:05 2nd 'homes' 20:40 Attitude towards moving places 23:50 Remote working (turning work into automation) 27:30 Work breaks and the choice to work 30:00 The Monday-Friday, 9-5 trap 31:00 Elimination - prioritising the things you want to do and not wasting times doing things that aren't important. Fewer interruptions and distractions. 80/20 principle. 35:02 Selective ignorance (appropriate use of mental energy, boundary setting) 40:50 The art of non-finishing 45:30 'Productive' not 'busy' 48:10 Time management and flexibility - Job crafting Find the book: https://tim.blog/tim-ferriss-books/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/AMfrEl-xtVg Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

Think big and connect to your ultimate vision. This episode we discuss Tony Robbins' 10-Day Time of Your Life program, which we both completed. This is a great way to face the reality of how we spend our time. We look at what Tony calls 'Categories of Improvement' and how to achieve our ultimate vision by clarifying our desired Outcome, curated Purpose and next Action steps. We also look at planning our day-to-day actions to align with our deepest values. Furthermore, we look into his 6-step decision-making process. This was a really interesting process which has helped us both clarify our overall vision whilst giving us a grasp on the day-to-day tasks involved in achieving it. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions 5:15 Time Targets - the ways in which we use our time. Dimensions of distraction, delusion, demand and 'the zone' 18:30 Categories of improvement (ultimate vision, purpose, resources, 3 to thrive and 90 day results) OUTCOME, PURPOSE and ACTIONS 29:35 Use of language in motivation 30:20: Ultimate Vision (personal mission statement) 32:20 Day to day planning (how tasks fit into weekly vision) 40:30 Tony Robbins style of work 43:55 Decision making (6 step process) 51:00 Choice points - keeping values in mind not responding to demand and making active choices 53:50 Final thoughts - raising consciousness and feeling inspired Find the programme: https://store.tonyrobbins.com/products/the-time-of-your-life This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/UhoB89dl0s4 Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

In Sleep, Nick Littlehales spells out his r90 sleep program, which addresses the importance of good night's sleep. We unwrap advice from this elite sports sleep coach and talk about the 7 key recovery indicators of sleep, pre and post sleep routines, sleep chronotypes, naps and sleeping environment. Furthermore, we dig into the impacts of modern day culture, diet and work on sleep, and how to fight back against a culture that doesn't really facilitate recovery through sleep. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions 2:30 7 Key Recovery Sleep indicators (Circadian Rhythmns, Sleep Chronotype, Sleeping in Cycles -r90, pre+post sleep routines, position and comfort, sleeping environment). 3:00 Circadian Rhythms (PM'ers + AM'ers) 6:30 Sleep Chronotypes (set wake times) 9:15 r90 program (4 stages of sleep - Drifting off NREM, Light Sleep, Deep sleep + REM) and the importance of weekly cycles 14:15 Naps 18:00 Pre+Post sleep routines 24:00 Tech before bed 26:15 Shift work 28:30 Transition from home to work 35:20 Cultural impacts on Sleep 37:05 REM as a way of processing unresolved emotions 38:40 Sleep environment 44:45 Sleeping position 47:05 Final reflections Purchase the book at: https://sportsleepcoach.com/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/df-fKOEbp_c Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

Flow. The nature of optimal experience. What is flow? How can we achieve this state? What are its conditions and components? This episode we discuss how to transform daily experience into flow states by setting unified goals, becoming immersed in activities and paying close attention to our experience. We also talk about the environment and cultural impacts on flow alongside how we can structure our leisure time and work life in order to facilitate more immersive and enjoyable states that our experiencing self and remembering self will be happy with. How can we lose ourselves in order to grow? How do our wider goals impact our experience of flow? A lot of questions answered and topics explored. Really enjoyed recording this one. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:15 Introductions 04:05 What is Flow? 06:15 The 8 Components of Flow (What we are doing is achievable, takes full concentration, goal itself is clear with immediate feedback, deep effortless involvement, you've got control of your own actions, sense of self disappears, sense of time alters) 09:45 4 Main Conditions of flow (Structured activity, sense of discovery, challenge that involves a skill, created by the self) 14:45 Experiences of flow 28:10 The autotelic self (Self that has self contained goals) (1. Setting unified goals 2. Becoming immersed in activities 3. Paying close attention to experience) How this all transfers experience into flow. 32:47 What we do in our leisure time and cultural influences 48:00 Choice of environment and affect on flow. (Reflection and action) 51:35 Enjoying the immediate experience (problems with constantly doing things for the future, experiencing self vs remembering self) 52:45 Lifestyle design for inner states 1:01:15 Final reflections after the video finished (Being lost in expectations and external responsibilities) (Doing things for ourselves, how thing changes with age) (Frontal cortex development makes it harder to be in the moment) (Impacts of work and technology) This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/mdjm5pBMcKc Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This episode's on one of our favourite authors and thinkers, Sam Harris' book 'Waking Up'. This is a unique and pertinent piece of writing for us both in understanding meditation and mindfulness on a deeper level. We go beyond the commonly taught dualistic mindfulness techniques into more self-transcendent practices (non-dualistic). We discuss the the helpful and suggested ways of relating to suffering, our thoughts, and the nature of consciousness. Topics covered include the sense of self being an illusion, being lost in thought, and theory of mind. This one tested our ability to articulate a personal and experiential practice that we are both seeking to deepen. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:15 Introductions 4:25 The feeling of 'I' as an illusion and sources of psychological suffering 5:45 Religious perspectives (Eastern spiritual practices) 10:45 Vipassna (dualistic) vs Dzogchen (non-dualistic) 15:05 Psychological continuity - concept of self 19:45 Consciousness is all we have - 'Theory of Mind' 21:15 Being lost in thought (and decision making) 26:00 Embracing the contents of consciousness (relax, accepting things as they are as we strive to change ourselves) 30:30 Glimpses 33:45 'Having no Head' 40:15 Loss of self and separateness of self 50:25 Waking Up app and current practices 1:02:00 Impacts of meditation for us 1:09:45 Conclusions Purchase the book at: https://samharris.org/books/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/juOcP8Mv5eo Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This episode we talk about one of the first self-help books to come out of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, a psychotherapy that aims to help us live a more meaningful life, by accepting discomfort and moving towards more valued action. We dive into ways in which we can learn to accept our internal experiences, and how having a strong set of internal values can guide us to take actions by which both our experiencing-self and remembering-self can be satisfied. Alongside the benefits of mindfulness techniques, we also touch on aspects around indecision, procrastination and 'cognitive fusion'. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:15 Introductions 4:15 'The Happiness Trap' and The 4 Myths (1. Happiness is a natural human state, 2. If you're not happy you're defective, 3. To create a better life we must get rid of negative feelings, 4. You should be able to control what you think and feel) 8:15 Principles of ACT (Defusion, Expansion, Connection, The observing self, values and Committed action) 9:15 Cognitive Fusion, Defusion and Acceptance self talk 18:45 Urge surfing 21:45 Is this thought helpful or not? 24:15 Naming our feelings and expansion 27:55 Fight or Flight response vs Internal 'mental' threats (the meanings we attach - clean pain vs dirty pain) 34:30 The Observing Self - identify with the witness of the feelings 42:15 Impacts of technology 44:30 Indecision (assessing own values, wants and needs vs listening to feelings) 50:35 Excuses and procrastination 52:15 Values and choice points (re-attuning our why to guide action) 1:00:35 Final reflections (Experiencing self vs remembering self) Purchase the book at: https://thehappinesstrap.com/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/UKiVTY2JT20 Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This episode, we spoke about how we can respond to our inner conflicts and negotiate the fundamental internal drives. We talk about ways to manage our 'chimp self' and the impact of self-talk. We expand on how finding a balance between our 'logical' brain and 'chimp' brain can affect our interactions, relationships, confidence and how we react in times of disappointment. We finish with how we can be more compassionate and nurturing to ourselves and our unmet needs. We tie in aspects of habits, attachment theory and the physiology of the brain, from previous episodes. This episode is the origin of the ongoing battle that Will faces with slow walkers and Luke has with his late night pizza cravings. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:15 Introductions (Chimp self vs Human self) 03:45 Our chimp urges and natural drives (Input go through the 'chimp') 09:15 Our 'computer' (pre-programmed reactions and how we cope with inner conflict) 14:15 Replacing gremlins (old destructive reactions) with autopilots (more helpful beliefs and statements). Future programming - 'change'. 20:30 Choice points (internal assumptions 'goblins' and behaviours) 25:15 Goal setting (target goals vs maintenance goals) 37:15 Personality and interactions with others (ingrained behaviours that are predictable) 40:35 Inner self talk 42:35 Chimp self and Human self's view of self (self-judgment vs compassionate response vs logical response) 47:35 'Feeding the chimp a banana' - Luke's pizza craving 53:40 Managing the chimp (boxing the chimp - telling it a truth it will accept) (Exercising the chimp by venting - space to get it off our chest) 58:25 Finding your troop (specifically choosing people around you to provide feedback) 1:03:10 Relationships (what we do accept vs what we don't) Gut instinct vs Logic. Listen to unmet needs. 1:15:15 Confidence (Chimps inability to deal with failure). Confidence from giving things ago and accepting flaws 1:20:00 The way we respond to ourselves 1:22:00 Final reflections Purchase the book at: https://chimpmanagement.com/books-by-professor-steve-peters/the-chimp-paradox/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/DJVTubXru18 Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

What is confidence? How is it developed? This week we look at The School of Life's short book 'On Confidence'. We explore the key ideas of confidence, actions and skills we can develop, and how befriending our inner idiot helps us understand our own and others' flaws. We unpack the historical conceptions of confidence and the developmental stages we go through. We finish with how a stoic conceptualisation of death can bring about more confidence to live fully and less critically in order to sooth our remembering self. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:15 Introductions 07:00 What is confidence? (Trust of others- Secrets - Trust of self) (An action, will and skill) 08:45 Trusting your own decisions 10:15 Others opinions and criticism. (Fritz Pearls poem. Internal drive to look good) (We only see ourselves from the inside and others from the outside) 14:45 Befriending the inner idiot (Accepting flaws - our own and others) 22:00 Not taking life to seriously vs self deprecation (People want connection not 'success') 28:00 Putting yourself out there - confidence as a decision 33:55 Attachment and integrating an internal secure base 37:00 Resilience as a key part of confidence (how we replay old stories) 42:15 Asserting ones self - choosing confidence (it's not brutishness) (Being too attached to modesty) 43:35 Confidence in confidence 45:55 Difference between requests and demands & How we look up to others (developmental stages) 49:10 Death and confidence 57:00 Final thoughts Purchase the book at: https://www.theschooloflife.com/london/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJVTubXru18 Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

In this second part of our discussion on The 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem we take a deep dive into the final three pillars: the practice of self assertiveness, the practice of living purposefully and the practice of personal integrity. We also discuss external factors on self-esteem. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:15 Introductions 01:05 Pillar 4: The Practice of Self assertiveness (Honour wants, needs and values whilst seeking appropriate forms of their expression). How this leads to individuation and the building of relationships 17:25 Pillar 5: The Practice of Living Purposefully (1. Taking responsibility for formulating ones goals and purpose consciously - what's worth doing, 2. Being concerned to identify the actions needed to achieve ones goals, 3. Monitoring behaviour to check that it is in align with ones goals, 4. Paying attention to ones actions to know where they are leading and where one wants to go) 25: 45 Pillar 6: The Practice of Personal Integrity - the integration of chosen ideals, convictions, standards, values, beliefs and behaviour 40:15 Reflections on Pillars 4,5,6. Accountability in all situations. Bringing values in consciousness. 48:39 The philosophy of self esteem according to Nathaniel Brandon. Core beliefs. 52:15 External factors of self esteem (Childhood & Parenting - Attachment Theory) 1:07:45 Reflections on work 1:17:15 We act in accordance with values regardless of consciously or unconsciously 1:18:15 Self esteem and psychotherapy 1:25:15 Survival strategies and the recovery model 1:28:30 Integrating sub-personalities (transactional analysis) 1:33:45 Self esteem and cultural impacts 1:44:17 The '7th Pillar' willingness to live by principles when things aren't going well. Willingness to confront and like yourself. 1:51:20 Conclusions Purchase the book at: http://www.nathanielbranden.com/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/AeIslnfgRjM Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

Here, we start a two-part podcast on Luke's favourite book of recent years. We cover a multitude of areas in the realm of self-esteem: what self esteem is, how it looks, how it can be solidified through habits, and how it affects our interactions. This episode, we cover the first three pillars: the practice of living consciously; the practice of self acceptance; and the practice of self responsibility. Be sure to check out part 2 as well! Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:15 Introductions 6:00 How the book is split up 7:00 What is Self Esteem? (Self-efficacy and self-respect) 11:10 Benefits of positive self esteem (allows us to go for big goals, better communicator in regards to needs, we can live better cause we respond better) and negative of low self-esteem 14:15 Self Esteem as a habit (small incremental improvements) 15:15 How someone may carry themselves with positive self esteem (ease, spontaneity, flexible, not a war with themselves, can handle change, free from anxiety, good eye contact, clear) 19:00 People with low self esteem's experience 21:15 Pseudo self esteem 30:15 Acting on drive and desire, our actualising tendency and expressing tendency. 35:45 Action based 37:45 Pillar 1: The practice of living consciously (responsible towards reality and not our feelings - emotional reasoning) (Not avoiding reality and continual evaluation of reactions and purpose) 56:00 Pillar 2: The practice of self acceptance (1. To be on my own side with and orientation of self value, 2. A willingness to experience thoughts feelings and actions, 3. Compassion to self (Experiencing self vs remembering self) (Accepting the disowned parts of self) 1:20:05 Pillar 3: The practice of self responsibility (Sense of control over our existence) (Accepting control of actions, life and well-being) 1:39:15 Wrap-up of these internal practices/orientations/dispositions Purchase the book at: http://www.nathanielbranden.com/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/S-rkzz_4BNI Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

Fixed mindset or Growth mindset? What is a mindset? This episode, we look at the two mindsets that Carol Dweck describes. Though we aren't one or the other in every situation, it's interesting to consider where we might hold a little lighter our perceptions of our own intelligence, ability and skill. We discuss how our language and inner narratives effects our mindset; how mindset impacts our relationships, work lives and interactions; and how our upbringing effects our conditions of worth, and how this impacts us during challenges and rejections. Finally, we discuss ways to change our mindsets through embracing them, understanding our triggers, and seeking feedback to inform more daring decisions. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke. 00:00 Introduction 1:45 How are mindsets affect our view on our intelligence, abilities and skill (Fixed Mindset + Growth Mindset) 5:30 The language we use and stories we tell ourselves in Fixed or Growth mindsets 9:00 How each mindset relates to failure 13:00 What is a Mindset? (unconscious beliefs) 17:40 Relationships (Romance, Issues, Friendships) 24:45 Shyness, Forgiveness and Rejection (Growth mindset as a cure for fixed mindset anxiety) 37:45 Jealousy (based on perception of where we are at) (Social media impact) 46:45 How to change mindset through sharing more of ourselves (work examples) (Understanding triggers) 55:00 Realistically analysing how long tasks will take (Process vs Outcome) 58:25 4 step journey to Change your mindset. Embracing current mindset, understanding your triggers, name it - specific circumstance, educate your mindset - feedback, choosing difficult tasks. 1:02:00 Conditions of worth and inner narrative during challenge 1:10:50 Self perception and ability to judge our abilities (easier during growth mindset) 1:14:00 Sharing creative endeavours (when we've staked our identity in them) 1:17:00 Receiving feedback (listen to specifics) 1:21:30 Final reflections Purchase the book at: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/44330/mindset-by-carol-s-dweck-phd/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/Dl-e1XLtWLY Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

Habits, Motivation, Action! This episode we chat about our favourite ideas from Will's number one book of 2019. Based on the idea that small incremental daily changes lead to big results, we unpack the four aspects of building good habits (making them obvious, attractive, easy and satisfying) and how to recover from bad ones (making them difficult, invisible, unattractive and unsatisfying). We cover concepts of habit stacking, reframing our associations, establishing habits before improving upon them, anticipation versus rewards, how to bring the unconscious into the conscious through pointing and calling, and how to measure and maintain our habits. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:00 Introductions 01:05 What is a habit? Cue, Craving, Response, Reward 07:05 Habits as Identity (In the context of once of decisions) 15:10 Reframing association 17:50 Utilizing habits - Cue 19:00 Luke's morning routine (Obvious, attractive, easy, satisfying) 22:35 Establish before improving 26:25 Reducing the friction 30:00 Showing up 31:00 Habit stacking (pro's + cons) 36:55 How to recovery when habits break down (all or nothing) 42:20 Anticipation of rewards/goals (valuing the process) 49:00 Minimizing bad habits (Will and phone use - make it difficult, invisible, unattractive, unsatisfying) 59:45 Don't miss twice and negative spirals 1:03:00 Bad habits as a cue (Behaviors that are rewarded immediately is repeated, punished immediately is avoided) 1:04:45 Pointing and calling (Bringing the unconscious into consciousness) 1:09:00 Measuring your habits and behaviors - Habit tracking 1:12:50 How to re-inforce habits throughout the day 1:15:40 Reviewing habits and maintenance of habits 1:19:15 Final reflections Buy the book at: https://jamesclear.com/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/AEh9G0mTR7U Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

We explore neuroscientist and philosopher Sam Harris's short book on Lying. Watching back over this, it's certainly one of our favourites. It's a nice one to jump back to and remind ourselves to be as truthful as possible -- both to ourselves and in our relationships -- and to take every opportunity to strengthen that muscle of telling the truth. We discuss: Harris's definitions of lying, deception, and lies of omission and commission; how lying affects the view we have of ourselves, our desires, and reality; the impacts lying has on our relationships, with suggestions on how we can change our language to be more compassionate and not recoil from intimacy; what it means to have an internal vs external locus of evaluation; and the impact technology has on our relationships. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:15 Introduction 02:15 Thoughts on impact of book 05:15 Use of tact 06:15 Providing feedback and receiving praise 10:45 How Sam defines Lying, Deception, Omission & Commission 16:15 White Lies 22:45 How Lying affects relationships (Grant relationships the depth they deserve) 29:00 Truthfulness to ourselves (values and desires) 32:00 Example of how lying weakens our truth muscle (and how to strengthen through language) 42:05 When we lie to others, we trust them less 45:00 Truth as the antidote to suffering. Saying what we know to be true, stop saying things we know not to be. (Paying attention to our internal reaction) 52:45 How we read others in response to our words/reactions 54:25 Impact of technology on our ability to read each other 56:15 Integrity, Honesty and Congruency 1:06:25 Locus of evaluation (internal vs external) 1:12:30 Final reflections (truth being a mirror to our wants, how this effects our view of self and our relationships) + (Not compassionate to distorting others reality and your own) This specific episode can also be seen on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7C-o0BpA6r0 Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

Got to put this one up there as one of our favourites, a seminal book that really caught our eye. We dig into the stand out chapters on Discipline and Love. In Discipline, we discuss concepts around delaying gratification for the betterment of our future, the importance of taking responsibility, and facing life head on with a dedication to the truth. Plus, how we can balance these concepts in our life when looking to instigate change and personal growth. In Love, we unpack Peck's definition of love as a dedication to another's spiritual growth, whilst giving some time to the outline the risks we must confront in love. Themes of visualisation and adopting a language of responsibility pop up too. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:15 Introductions 6:15 What this book is about - overview & themes 7:15 Discipline (Delaying gratification, taking responsibility, dedication to the truth & balancing) 17:35 Taking responsibility vs Avoidance/Deflecting/Procrastinating 22:45 Language around responsibility 24:15 Instigators for change and 'deaths' 32:00 Growth defined (courage and intentions for growth) 36:10 Visualization (imagery) 39:05 Acceptance and allowing 41:25 Intention setting and attitude adjustment 46:45 Dedication to truth and the challenge of confronting old schemas 52:45 Love - defined by S.Peck (risk of independence, risk of commitment, love as separateness, love as discipline & being dedicated to another's spiritual growth) 59:30 Self serving in love and jealousy. How to counteract this. 1:03:00 Well-being dependent on others & ego boundaries in love (Love as separateness) 1:06:30 Risk of commitment (the risk of self confrontation and change) 1:17:25 Attitudes, words and behaviours in aid of spiritual growth 1:19:35 Love as discipline (balance between order and chaos within relationships) 1:23:15 Growth and grace section overview (Entropy and laziness) 1:30:15 Final thoughts Where to buy the book: https://www.penguin.com.au/books/the-road-less-travelled-9781846041075 This specific episode can also be seen on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zjubnfe974 Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This episode we spoke about Young & Klosko's book 'Re-inventing Your Life'. We looked past the cringe-worthy title and took a deep dive into the schemas that affect our world-view and behaviours. We dissected each of the 11 'Life Traps' that emerge out of our most basic (unmet) needs. We unpack where these come from, how they persist, how to cope, and what we can do to challenge them and bring about new ways of living and relating. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 00:15 Introductions 03:45 Schemas, Schema Therapy and CBT 07:15 Life traps defined 09:30 Why we repeat our life traps (Maladaptive systems of behaviour) 12:15 Overview of the book 16:45 The abandonment life trap (under Basic Safety) 20:35 Mistrust and Abuse life trap (under Basic Safety) 26:35 Dependence life trap (under Autonomy and Functioning independently) 31:05 Vulnerability life trap (under Autonomy and Functioning independently) 34:35 Emotional deprivation life trap (under Strength and Connection to others) 45:08 Social exclusion life trap (under Strength and Connection to others) 50:15 Defectiveness life trap (under Self esteem) 56:25 Failure life trap (under Self esteem) 1:03:25 Subjugation life trap (under Expression) 1:15:43 Unrelenting standards life trap (under Expression) 1:21:20 Entitlement life trap (under Accepting realistic limits) 1:29:37 Coping Styles (Surrender, Escape and Counter attack) 1:34:55 How to address life traps and the 8 ways to do so. 1:53:00 Obstacles to change 2:06:30 Final thoughts Where to buy the book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/327709/reinventing-your-life-by-jeffrey-e-young/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ym5UpqdwTMI Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcasts:https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.

This was our first podcast - great to get the ball rolling on a shared interest after 28 years of friendship. We talked about the three attachment styles -- Anxious, Secure and Avoidant -- where these come from, how they play out in romantic relationships, how people can bring greater awareness to their own style, and how to better communicate one's needs. We looked at protest behaviours exhibited by the anxious among us and the de-activating strategies of the avoidants. We also discussed the anxious-avoidant trap, compatibility vs chemistry, and the impact of technology on each of the attachment styles. Hope you enjoy. Will & Luke 0:15 Introductions and the anxious attachment style 03:45 How the anxious attachment style develops 07:05 Book overview 08:55 Summary of secure attachment style 17:05 Summary of avoidant attachment style 22:25 Origins of attachment systems in human romance, relationships and dependence 32:15 Intimacy triggering the threat system in avoidant styles 33:23 Object relations theory (Need for Independence and Connection) 36:05 Deactivating strategies in avoidant styles ('The Phantom- Ex' and 'The One') 41:15 'Push & Pull' relationships 43:30 Anxious-Avoidant trap 47:00 When avoidant styles let their guard down (earned security) and development of defenses 52:15 Non-Violent Communication and communication of needs in relationships 1:11:15 Why do avoidant people find secure people such a challenge? And how a relationship like this could work? And the effect of chemistry. 1:24:00 Long term monogamy as the norm implied? 1:26:00 Impact of technology and travel on the 3 attachment styles 1:31:00 Deciphering between being anxious/avoidant or just incompatible? 1:39:55 The importance of having people to mirror back your attachment patterns 1:50:00 Summary of styles and strategies 1:53:15 Final thoughts on how attachment plays out. (Avoidant = Dismissing. Anxious - Preoccupied) Get the book: https://www.attachedthebook.com/wordpress/ This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/oUcxz9ZB8UA Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos Listen to us on Spotify:https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW Listen to us on Apple Podcasts:https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365 Listen to us on Google Podcast:https://www.google.com/podcastsfeed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.