Podcasts about toxic relationships

In this episode, author, activist, and speaker Dr. Najwa Zebian joins us for a deeply honest conversation about relationships, healing, self-worth, and boundaries—especially what happens when a relationship slowly disconnects you from yourself.  We explore why leaving a toxic relationship can feel so impossible, how manipulation can erode your ability to trust your own decisions, and why the first step toward healing may be much smaller than you think.  From rebuilding your identity to learning what healthy attachment actually looks like, this episode is about becoming your own source of clarity again. We get into communication, self-awareness, autonomy, reciprocity, and the difference between being deeply connected to someone + losing yourself inside them. We also talk about: Why “just leave” can be the worst advice for someone in a toxic relationship How toxic dynamics can take away your ability to trust your own decisions Rebuilding your sense of self through small, everyday choices Why staying in a painful relationship does not make the pain your fault How to forgive yourself for staying longer than you wanted to The difference between taking responsibility for your healing + blaming yourself What healthy relationships actually require: transparency, communication, alignment, and reciprocity How to be securely attached to someone while still remaining fully yourself Why you do not need an apology, closure, or validation from the person who hurt you Najwa's new book, The One Who Broke You Can't Heal You Resources: Book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/722356/the-one-who-broke-you-cant-heal-you-by-najwa-zebian/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/najwazebian/ Website: https://najwazebian.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@NajwaZebian TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@najwazebian Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/najwazebian1 Sponsors:  Hero Bread | Hero Bread is offering 10% off your order. Go to https://hero.co and use code  A30POD at checkout. Naturium | Give your skin the affordable, luxurious glow up it deserves. Go to https://Naturium.com/ALMOST30 for 10% off your first purchase today.  The Absorption Company | Start taking supplements your body can actually absorb. Go to https://absorbmore.com and enter ALMOST30 at checkout for up to 35% off your first order. Ritual | Don't settle for less than evidence-based support. Save 25% on your first month at  https://Ritual.com/ALMOST30.  Upwork | Visit https://Upwork.com right now and post your job for free.  Square | Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at https://square.com/go/almost30! #squarepod Smileset | Go to https://smileset.com/almost30 to get 35% off.  BetterHelp | This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/almost30. To advertise on this podcast please email: partnerships@almost30.com. Learn More: Get your copy of Almost 30, A definitive guide to a life you love for the next decade and beyond. https://almost30.com/book Listen to Morning Microdose! A quick trip into higher consciousness - https://almost30.com/morning-microdose Watch on YouTube - https://youtube.com/Almost30Podcast Join our community - https://www.facebook.com/Almost30podcast/groups Follow: https://instagram.com/almost30podcast https://tiktok.com/@almost30podcast Podcast disclaimer can be found by visiting: almost30.com/disclaimer.

Hayden Panettiere's story has renewed difficult conversations about domestic abuse, toxic relationship cycles, family estrangement, and the complicated reasons people stay connected to harmful people. In this video, Lee Hammock discusses documented reports about Panettiere's on-and-off relationship with Brian Hickerson, who pleaded no contest in 2021 to two felony counts involving corporal injury to a spouse or cohabitant, as well as the public estrangement between Panettiere and her mother, Lesley Vogel. This is not a claim that either person caused Panettiere's death, which remains under investigation. Instead, it is a conversation about recognizing toxic patterns, protecting yourself, and extending compassion to people caught between harmful relationships. If you are experiencing abuse or feel unsafe, contact local emergency services or a domestic-violence resource.Book a Coaching Session: [⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://link.me/mentalhealness⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠]

Toxic relationships don't just drain our energy or violate our boundaries. They change our relationship with ourselves. For those of us who are highly sensitive, toxic dynamics condition our nervous systems to believe that having a boundary will cost us everything. So we stop trying. We go along to get along. Naming how this conditioning works is how we get clarity on what needs healing and start the work of coming back to ourselves. - Intro To Boundaries ⁠https://www.EmotionalBadass.com/intro⁠ - The Yearly Boundaries Intensive ⁠https://www.EmotionalBadass.com/Boundaries Resources: - Work with Me 1:1: https://www.EmotionalBadass.com/coaching - 30 Days to Peace Course: https://www.EmotionalBadass.com/peace CODE: BADASS for 30% Off - The Book by Book Club: https://www.EmotionalBadass.com/bookclub - Mapping your Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse Workshop https://www.EmotionalBadass.com/workshops CODE: BADASS for 30% Off - Get the Patternscapes Wellness Deck ⁠https://www.getpatternscapes.com - Join the Patreon Community: ⁠https://www.patreon.com/emotionalbadass - Download the FREE Morning Routine PDF ⁠https://www.emotionalbadass.com/morning - Join our newsletter https://www.emotionalbadass.com/newsletter - Check out our Guided Meditations https://www.emotionalbadass.com/store/meditations Follow us on Social Media: Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/emotionalbadass IG: https://www.instagram.com/emotional.badass FB: https://www.facebook.com/emotionalbadass TIKTOK: https://www.tiktok.com/@emotionalbadass Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This Is Why Demons Won't Leave a Toxic RelationshipHave you prayed, set boundaries, and tried to do everything right, yet the confusion and manipulation never seem to end?In this episode, we uncover four spiritual strongholds that can keep toxic relationship patterns in place. You'll learn how unaddressed sin, intensified spiritual warfare, recurring temptation, and emotional vulnerability can give the enemy opportunities to maintain destructive cycles—and how God calls you to close those doors and walk in freedom.If you've ever wondered why the battle feels relentless despite your prayers, this episode will help you recognize what may be happening spiritually and equip you to stand firm with biblical wisdom and discernment.Watch next:

In this episode, I return to the angry daughter — but this time, I look at what happens when she tries to love someone. The survival skills that kept her intact in her family of origin are the same ones that quietly work against her in relationships. She over-functions. She holds everything together. She mistakes someone's performed pain for depth, and she chases validation in ways she can't always see while it's happening. This episode is personal, and I'm not writing from some resolved place on the other side. I'm writing from inside it — still learning that I'm allowed to want things, still figuring out what it looks like to stop disappearing so love can fit.Support the show*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your RelationshipWebsite: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.comInstagram: @emotionalabusecoachEmail: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

Toxic relationship dynamics can be painful, frustrating, and emotionally exhausting. But what if some of the most important patterns affecting those relationships are happening beneath the surface? In this episode, Brandy shares three powerful insights to help you look at toxic relationship patterns differently—and begin recognizing what may need to shift at a deeper level. Because sometimes the obvious problem is only part of the story. There may also be underlying feelings of powerlessness, rejection, guilt, insecurity, sensitivity, or emotional reactiveness that continue influencing the way a relationship feels and unfolds. In this episode, you will discover: Three hidden emotional patterns that may be affecting difficult relationships Why fear of rejection or abandonment can create feelings of powerlessness How emotional reactiveness can unintentionally keep conflict going Why feeling deserving of better can be an important part of creating change The important difference between anger and genuine strength Why using anger to access your power can create additional problems How confidence, wisdom, and self-worth can help create a healthier internal shift Why transforming yourself can sometimes change the entire relationship dynamic This is not about overlooking harmful behavior, abandoning healthy boundaries, or pretending painful experiences did not happen. Sometimes, removing a person from your life is absolutely necessary. But removing a person and transforming the emotional pattern are not always the same thing. When you begin identifying what is truly underneath the pattern, you may be able to create a much deeper level of healing, freedom, strength, and change. Free Mind-Body Healing Training If you'd like a deeper understanding of mind-body healing and how self-healing works: Click here to join the FREE training. Brandy Gillmore's Mind-Body Healing: Scientific Research If you'd like scientific research on mind-body healing, you can view Brandy Gillmore's work published in a Medical Journal. Personal Empowerment and Self-Healing Courses If you're ready to heal yourself and change your life: Click here to explore our GIFT Mind-Body Healing™ and the GIFT Method™ Courses and GIFT Workshops.   Connect With Brandy Follow Brandy on Facebook Follow Brandy on Instagram Questions? Discover more at https://brandygillmore.com or email support@BrandyGillmore.com   Important Note: This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a replacement for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please continue to consult your doctor or qualified healthcare provider as recommended. Click here to view our full disclaimer- https://brandygillmore.com/terms/. © Brandy Gillmore / Human Potential Revolution, Inc. All Rights Reserved. This podcast and all related content are provided solely for personal, noncommercial use. No portion may be copied, recorded, transcribed, closely paraphrased, adapted, repackaged, distributed, taught, or used to create or support any course, coaching program, training, certification, product, service, or derivative content without prior written permission. This content may not be uploaded to, entered into, stored in, used by, or incorporated into any artificial-intelligence, machine-learning, voice-cloning, digital-replica, data-training, or related system. By accessing, listening to, viewing, downloading, or otherwise using this content, you agree to our Intellectual Property and Content Use Terms. If you do not agree, do not access or use the content. Full Terms: https://brandygillmore.com/content-terms  Permissions: support@brandygillmore.com   

Send us Fan MailWhat happens to a woman after betrayal when the cheating stops, the divorce is final, or the relationship ends but she still doesn't feel like herself?In this powerful conversation, I sit down with mindful intimacy coach Viv Kan to explore the hidden impact betrayal has on a woman's nervous system, confidence, sexuality, intimacy, and sense of self. We discuss why so many women feel emotionally numb after betrayal, how emotional pain gets stored in the body, and why rebuilding trust with yourself is often harder than rebuilding trust with someone else. If you've ever felt disconnected from your body, lost your confidence, struggled with intimacy, or questioned your intuition after being cheated on, this episode is for you. In This Episode We Discuss: Why betrayal affects more than your heart, it impacts your nervous system  The connection between emotional safety and confidence  Why many women become hyper-independent after betrayal  Signs that betrayal trauma may still be living in your body  How emotional numbness affects intimacy, desire, and pleasure  Why many women ignore their intuition and red flags  The role of mindfulness, stillness, and body awareness in healing  How to begin rebuilding trust in yourself after betrayal  The difference between feeling safe and simply feeling familiar  Practical ways to reconnect with your body, confidence, and feminine energy Whether you're recovering from infidelity, emotional abuse, divorce, or a relationship that left you questioning yourself, this conversation offers insight, validation, and hope for your healing journey. Connect with Viv Khan:Instagram: @mindfulintimacyWebsite: mindfulintimacy.co✨ Not sure why you keep choosing pain over peace? Take the free WHY YOU GOT BETRAYED QUIZ and uncover the pattern you didn't even know was holding you back.

“The court doesn't care who was mean.” That's not a throwaway line, according to Beverly Hills divorce attorney Nikoo Berenji, it's one of the biggest blind spots she sees parents walk into family court with, and it can quietly sabotage an otherwise strong custody case.In this conversation, Nikoo, Senior Counsel at Berenji & Associates and a 20-year veteran of high-net-worth, high-conflict divorce litigation, breaks down exactly what judges weigh when deciding custody, and what doesn't move the needle at all, no matter how unfair that feels. She walks through a real case where a mother spent enormous time and money building a case around her ex's past absence as a parent, only to watch it backfire because the court only cares about what's best for the child going forward, not who was the “better” spouse in the past.She also shares a case where a court took the rare step of giving a father six months of primary custody to reset a relationship that had been damaged by alienating behavior; proof that judges are paying closer attention to alienation than ever before.Whether you're early in your custody case, deep into a years-long battle, or trying to figure out why your strategy isn't working, this episode reframes what “winning” in family court actually requires.WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:✅ Why proving your ex was a bad spouse rarely helps your custody case — and can actively hurt it✅ The one best-interest factor that quietly decides more cases than people realize✅ A real case where alienating behavior led a judge to remove children from their primary caretaker for six months✅ How false or exaggerated domestic violence claims get used as a “silver bullet strategy” — and why it can backfire✅ Whether courts are getting smarter about recognizing parental alienation tactics✅ Why interrogating your kids after time with the other parent can be used against you✅ The boundaries you need around discussing legal matters when kids are in the home✅ Why a detailed, specific parenting plan prevents more conflict than any argument ever will✅ The “therapy clause” that can eliminate one of the most common sources of post-divorce conflict✅ Signs your child is struggling, even if they seem like they're handling everything fine✅ A simple daily practice Nikoo recommends to every client, no matter how skeptical they are at firstABOUT NIKOO BERENJI:Nikoo Berenji is Senior Counsel at Berenji & Associates Divorce Lawyers, a Beverly Hills family law firm marking more than two decades of practice focused on high-net-worth, high-conflict divorce and custody cases. Before family law, Nikoo built her career in corporate law and government criminal practice, graduating from UCLA and earning a full scholarship to Berkeley Law, where she also served as a federal judicial extern to the Honorable Judge S. James Otero before starting out as an associate at Latham & Watkins LLP, one of the largest law firms in the world. That combination of corporate, criminal, and family law experience shapes how she approaches the emotionally charged, financially complex cases her firm handles, many of which involve narcissistic dynamics between spouses who are highly successful in their professional lives. Nikoo is also an adjunct professor at both UCLA School of Law and USC Gould School of Law, and she and her team work with clients across the country and around the world, with a particularly heavy concentration of cases in Southern California.

Relationships are meant to be a place of love, trust, and mutual care—but they can quickly become something else. Instead of bringing life, they can become marked by manipulation, competition, and emotional distance. Our word for this today is to call it “toxic” In Genesis 29, Jacob enters a family system shaped by deception and control under his uncle Laban. What follows is a web of unhealthy relationships—where Leah longs to be loved, Rachel competes for affection, and love itself becomes something to earn rather than receive. These dynamics aren't as distant as they seem. We can manipulate to get our way, avoid hard conversations, or compete for attention and affirmation. Over time, relationships that were meant to bring life can become sources of pain. In Matthew 18, Jesus calls us to something different—not avoidance or control, but honest, humble confrontation that seeks restoration. What would it look like to step out of unhealthy patterns, and pursue relationships marked not by control or competition, but by truth, grace, and reconciliation? 

Relationships are meant to be a place of love, trust, and mutual care—but they can quickly become something else. Instead of bringing life, they can become marked by manipulation, competition, and emotional distance. Our word for this today is to call it “toxic” In Genesis 29, Jacob enters a family system shaped by deception and control under his uncle Laban. What follows is a web of unhealthy relationships—where Leah longs to be loved, Rachel competes for affection, and love itself becomes something to earn rather than receive. These dynamics aren't as distant as they seem. We can manipulate to get our way, avoid hard conversations, or compete for attention and affirmation. Over time, relationships that were meant to bring life can become sources of pain. In Matthew 18, Jesus calls us to something different—not avoidance or control, but honest, humble confrontation that seeks restoration. What would it look like to step out of unhealthy patterns, and pursue relationships marked not by control or competition, but by truth, grace, and reconciliation? 

Send us Fan MailWhat happens when you spend nearly $200 on a first date, only to hear, “I don't see a romantic connection”?On this episode of Playing 4 Keeps, DJ sits down with Sean Garvey for a conversation about dating expectations, rejection, money, accountability, and what men and women really owe each other after a date.Sean shares the story of taking a woman out, covering the entire bill, and later jokingly asking for his money back after she told him she wasn't interested. He also opens up about how his perspective has changed since then, why he now believes some dating lessons simply come with a cost, and how getting to know someone before rushing into a date can save time, money, and disappointment. But the conversation does not stop there. Sean gets personal about a past relationship that pushed him outside of his comfort zone, challenged how he saw himself, and led to unexpected experiences around intimacy, identity, and personal growth. He and DJ also unpack the difference between being challenged in a relationship and losing yourself trying to become what someone else wants.  And when it comes to what Sean wants now, he makes one thing clear: he is not interested in dating just for the experience anymore. He is looking to build with someone who is healed, intentional, open-minded, and ready for something real. Follow Sean on Instagram: @seangarveyatlSupport the showProduced by Organized MovementsRecorded at PriviCast StudioVisit our Website playing4keepsdating.com

What if the most obvious relationship problem is not the deepest pattern keeping you stuck? In this powerful episode, Brandy shares breakthrough insights from working with a beautiful volunteer named Michael—a loving husband, devoted father, firefighter, and genuinely caring man who wanted to become the best version of himself. Yet beneath his strength and kindness was an emotional pattern that had continued showing up in different relationships and different areas of his life. Michael had experienced painful dynamics with parents, friends, and other people he cared about. At times, the hurt became so frustrating that shutting people out felt like the only way to protect himself. But as Brandy looked more deeply, it became clear that ending the relationship did not necessarily end the pattern. There was something underneath it that had continued affecting the way Michael saw other people, the way he saw himself, and what he felt he deserved in life. In this episode, you will discover: Why leaving a toxic relationship may not automatically transform the emotional pattern How childhood experiences can continue showing up in completely different relationships Why judgment toward others can quietly become judgment toward yourself How guilt and feelings of undeservingness may create invisible self-sabotage Why loyalty, hurt, and resentment can become emotionally intertwined What to look for when the same relationship experience keeps repeating How to begin identifying the deeper pattern beneath the people involved This is not about overlooking harmful behavior, abandoning healthy boundaries, or pretending that painful experiences did not happen. Sometimes, removing a person from your life is absolutely necessary. But removing a person and transforming the emotional pattern are not always the same thing. When you begin identifying what is truly underneath the pattern, you may be able to create a much deeper level of healing, freedom, and change. → Continue Your Self-Healing Journey Listen to the Full Volunteer Self-Healing Session Click here to access today's self-healing session as Brandy Gillmore works directly with Michael Free Mind-Body Healing Training If you'd like a deeper understanding of mind-body healing and how self-healing works: Click here to join the FREE training. Brandy Gillmore's Mind-Body Healing: Scientific Research If you'd like scientific research on mind-body healing, you can view Brandy Gillmore's work published in a Medical Journal. Personal Empowerment and Self-Healing Courses If you're ready to heal yourself and change your life: Click here to explore our GIFT Mind-Body Healing™ and the GIFT Method™ Courses and GIFT Workshops. Connect With Brandy Follow Brandy on Facebook Follow Brandy on Instagram Questions? Discover more at https://brandygillmore.com or email support@BrandyGillmore.com   Important Note: This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a replacement for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please continue to consult your doctor or qualified healthcare provider as recommended. Click here to view our full disclaimer- https://brandygillmore.com/terms/. © Brandy Gillmore / Human Potential Revolution, Inc. All Rights Reserved. This podcast and all related content are provided solely for personal, noncommercial use. No portion may be copied, recorded, transcribed, closely paraphrased, adapted, repackaged, distributed, taught, or used to create or support any course, coaching program, training, certification, product, service, or derivative content without prior written permission. This content may not be uploaded to, entered into, stored in, used by, or incorporated into any artificial-intelligence, machine-learning, voice-cloning, digital-replica, data-training, or related system. By accessing, listening to, viewing, downloading, or otherwise using this content, you agree to our Intellectual Property and Content Use Terms. If you do not agree, do not access or use the content. Full Terms: https://brandygillmore.com/content-terms  Permissions: support@brandygillmore.com   

Leave a text or voice message so we can respondLeaving a toxic or emotionally abusive relationship often means leaving behind more than just one person. It can leave you questioning your judgment, feeling isolated, and wondering if you'll ever be able to trust people again.In this episode, I'm joined by Dr. K, founder of Girlfriendism, to explore one of the most overlooked parts of healing: rebuilding healthy female friendships. Together, we discuss why making and maintaining friendships can feel so difficult after emotional abuse, how trauma changes the way we connect with others, and what emotionally safe friendships actually look like.We also talk about:Why survivors often feel disconnected or alone after leaving a toxic relationship.The green flags of healthy, supportive female friendships.How to recognize when a friendship feels safe versus familiar.Why healing doesn't have to happen in isolation.Practical ways to begin building a community of women who genuinely support your growth.If you've ever felt like you don't know who to trust anymore, or you've struggled to let people in since your relationship ended, this conversation will remind you that healthy connection is possible—and that the right friendships can become an important part of your healing journey.Connect with Dr. K:Learn more about Dr. K and the Girlfriendism community at Girlfriendism, a global movement dedicated to helping women build meaningful friendships and supportive communities. Links to Connect ⬇️www.girlfriendism.comGirlfriendism Global on Mighty Networks AppYouTube, FaceBook, Instagram, LinkedIn: @Girlfriendism Set up your Free Call Today! Support the showReady to stop overthinking your past relationship and start feeling like yourself again?Visit www.radiatenrise.com and explore coaching programs, self-paced courses, resources, and tools designed to help you break free from emotional abuse, rumination, and self-doubt.✍

She spent five years on the inside of the family court system as a Connecticut Family Relations Counselor — the person who meets with both parents, talks to the kids, and writes the recommendation the judge leans on. In this candid conversation, Sue Gabriele explains the quiet, well-intentioned mistakes that sink good parents before they ever reach a courtroom, and what to do instead.If you have ever walked in armed with a binder of everything your ex has ever done wrong, this episode will change how you prepare. Sue shares why "suitcases full of papers" backfire, why a clean, color-coded timeline beats a stack of journals, and how to give a busy professional the facts they can actually use in the limited time they have with you.She also pulls back the curtain on something most parents never hear said out loud: the system is built to push the "weaker link" into giving up, because a settlement means no one has to write the long report. Knowing that going in changes everything about how you hold your ground.Whether you are still deciding to leave, deep in a custody dispute, or trying to co-parent with someone impossible, Sue's insider perspective helps you stop fighting the battles that don't matter and start building the case that does. As we say at Been There Got Out, courts often don't care about the abuse you suffered the way you wish they would — they care about the present, the child, and the proof. This conversation shows you how to meet them there without losing yourself.A quick, important caveat: Sue's experience is grounded in Connecticut, and family law varies widely by state. Treat her insights as a lens for understanding how court professionals think, not as legal advice for your specific case.ABOUT BEEN THERE GOT OUTLisa Johnson and Chris Barry are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists who help good people navigate the family court system and protect their relationships with their children. We fill the gap between what attorneys are trained to do and what therapists understand.Get our books, "Been There Got Out" and "When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You," and learn about our courses and 1:1 coaching at BeenThereGotOut.com.#HighConflictDivorce #CustodyBattle #FamilyCourt #CoParenting #CustodyEvaluation #NarcissisticAbuse #ParentalAlienation #DivorceAdvice #BeenThereGotOut

Send us Fan MailWhy do so many smart, accomplished, and successful women stay in toxic relationships? In this powerful episode of Heartbreak to Happiness, Sara Davison is joined by Lindsay Abernathy, host of the Bitch Is a Bad Word podcast, to uncover the hidden dynamics of emotional abuse, coercive control, and narcissistic relationships.Drawing from her own lived experience, Lindsay shares how abuse can exist behind the façade of a picture-perfect life, why leaving is rarely as simple as it seems, and the subtle red flags that often go unnoticed. Together, Sara and Lindsay explore trauma bonds, love bombing, gaslighting, post-separation abuse, co-parenting with a toxic ex, and how survivors can reclaim their confidence, voice, and sense of self.If you've ever questioned your reality, wondered whether you're "overreacting," or felt trapped in an unhealthy relationship, this conversation offers clarity, validation, and hope. Lindsay also shares practical advice for healing, rebuilding your support system, and creating a peaceful life after abuse.In this episode, you'll discover:Why intelligent, capable women can become trapped in toxic relationshipsThe warning signs of coercive control, gaslighting, and love bombingHow abuse impacts children—and why peace matters more than appearancesStrategies for co-parenting with a high-conflict or narcissistic exHow to rebuild your confidence, identity, and future after leavingThis is an honest, empowering conversation for anyone seeking freedom from toxic relationships—and proof that healing, happiness, and a brighter future are possible.Support the showFind more information and resources here: http://saradavison.com/Follow me on social media►Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/saradavisondivorcecoach/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SaraDavisonDivorceCoachTwitter: https://twitter.com/SDDivorceCoachLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sara-davison-742b453/

In this episode, I reflect on what it actually means to be the angry daughter — the scapegoat, the truth-teller, the one who names what others refuse to see. Drawing from my own childhood and my experience as a mother, I trace the way systems assign their tension to one person, teach her not to trust herself, and then use her exhaustion against her. This episode is for anyone who has ever been told that their reaction was the problem, that their clarity was the threat, or that their limits were a character flaw. You are not the problem. You are the person who finally stopped pretending otherwise.Support the show*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your RelationshipWebsite: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.comInstagram: @emotionalabusecoachEmail: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

In Fishing Without Bait 526, we continue our conversation with Vic Costik of the New Rust Pittsburgh Podcast. In Part 2, Vic joins Jim Ellermeyer for a thoughtful discussion about identity, community, safety, recovery and the daily work of becoming a more compassionate person. Vic explains why they try to approach ignorance through “neutral inquiry,” beginning with questions rather than immediate confrontation. The conversation examines the experiences of transgender people navigating public spaces, the importance of listening to people when they tell us who they are and the need to create communities in which people feel welcomed rather than merely tolerated. Vic also discusses their commitment to Pittsburgh's LGBTQ+ community and the fear that has caused some transgender people to leave their homes in search of safer places. That concern helped inspire Vic's community involvement and ultimately contributed to the creation of New Rust Pittsburgh. Jim and Vic connect these ideas to the principles of 12-step recovery, including acceptance, accountability, making amends and changing both thoughts and actions. They consider the pain of perfectionism and the healing that can begin when we acknowledge our flaws, accept responsibility and reconstruct ourselves through what we have learned. The conversation then turns toward the overlooked side of Pittsburgh. Vic describes the artists, entrepreneurs, makers, small businesses and unusual creative communities that exist throughout the city. From strangers playing music together before the Fourth of July fireworks to the Andy Warhol Museum, neighborhood restaurants, local shops and nighttime bike rides across the Smithfield Street Bridge, Vic shares the memories that have made Pittsburgh feel like home. The episode closes with a discussion about authenticity, privilege, personal boundaries and relationships. Vic reflects on overcoming people-pleasing, cultivating relationships with people who provide encouragement and stepping away from relationships that repeatedly cause harm. Ultimately, New Rust Pittsburgh is more than a guide to interesting places. It is Vic's effort to create a love letter to Pittsburgh—one that embraces the city's people, creativity, weirdness and potential to become a more welcoming home for everyone. Explore the New Rust Pittsburgh Podcast at NewRustPodcast.com. Subscribe to Fishing Without Bait through your favorite podcast player so you never miss an episode. Listen without advertisements and help support the show through Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/fishingwithoutbait Continue your mindfulness journey with our book, “Learn to Fish Without Bait: A 365-Day Mindfulness Journal and Adult Coloring Book”: https://www.lulu.com/shop/james-ellermeyer-lpc-ma-ncc-lpc/learn-to-fish-without-bait/paperback/product-6n9rd8.html?page=1&pageSize=4

In Fishing Without Bait 526, we continue our conversation with Vic Costik of the New Rust Pittsburgh Podcast. In Part 2, Vic joins Jim Ellermeyer for a thoughtful discussion about identity, community, safety, recovery and the daily work of becoming a more compassionate person. Vic explains why they try to approach ignorance through “neutral inquiry,” beginning with questions rather than immediate confrontation. The conversation examines the experiences of transgender people navigating public spaces, the importance of listening to people when they tell us who they are and the need to create communities in which people feel welcomed rather than merely tolerated. Vic also discusses their commitment to Pittsburgh's LGBTQ+ community and the fear that has caused some transgender people to leave their homes in search of safer places. That concern helped inspire Vic's community involvement and ultimately contributed to the creation of New Rust Pittsburgh. Jim and Vic connect these ideas to the principles of 12-step recovery, including acceptance, accountability, making amends and changing both thoughts and actions. They consider the pain of perfectionism and the healing that can begin when we acknowledge our flaws, accept responsibility and reconstruct ourselves through what we have learned. The conversation then turns toward the overlooked side of Pittsburgh. Vic describes the artists, entrepreneurs, makers, small businesses and unusual creative communities that exist throughout the city. From strangers playing music together before the Fourth of July fireworks to the Andy Warhol Museum, neighborhood restaurants, local shops and nighttime bike rides across the Smithfield Street Bridge, Vic shares the memories that have made Pittsburgh feel like home. The episode closes with a discussion about authenticity, privilege, personal boundaries and relationships. Vic reflects on overcoming people-pleasing, cultivating relationships with people who provide encouragement and stepping away from relationships that repeatedly cause harm. Ultimately, New Rust Pittsburgh is more than a guide to interesting places. It is Vic's effort to create a love letter to Pittsburgh—one that embraces the city's people, creativity, weirdness and potential to become a more welcoming home for everyone. Explore the New Rust Pittsburgh Podcast at NewRustPodcast.com. Subscribe to Fishing Without Bait through your favorite podcast player so you never miss an episode. Listen without advertisements and help support the show through Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/fishingwithoutbait Continue your mindfulness journey with our book, “Learn to Fish Without Bait: A 365-Day Mindfulness Journal and Adult Coloring Book”: https://www.lulu.com/shop/james-ellermeyer-lpc-ma-ncc-lpc/learn-to-fish-without-bait/paperback/product-6n9rd8.html?page=1&pageSize=4

Most people believe that once the divorce is final, the chaos finally ends. With a high-conflict, narcissistic, or unpredictable co-parent, the opposite is often true. As they lose day-to-day control, they learn to control you from afar—through the kids, the money, and the legal system. In this honest, practical conversation, UK coach and psychotherapist Louize Yafai joins Lisa Johnson to explain why the abuse can ramp up after separation, and exactly what to do about it.Louize knows this from the inside. After a 16-year marriage, she survived severe financial and post-separation abuse, came close to homelessness twice, and relied on food banks while raising three daughters and litigating on her own. Then she turned her pain into power, trained as a counsellor and psychotherapist, and now helps parents navigate the same storm with their dignity intact.Together they unpack the “Friday Night Bomb”—the email or filing timed to ruin your weekend—and why peace doesn't come from your ex changing. It comes from learning to trust yourself to handle whatever arrives. You'll learn how to stop reacting, when not to respond at all, how to protect your legal fees and your nervous system, and why an impartial guide matters when friends and family keep telling you to “just move on.”✅ WHAT YOU'LL LEARN✅ Why a high-conflict ex often gets worse, not better, after the divorce is final✅ What the “Friday Night Bomb” is—and how to stop it from ruining your time with the kids✅ How to build a “Teflon suit” and respond from a calm, grounded place✅ The in-the-moment “buffer” to use the second a hostile message lands✅ Why you should not respond to every lie—and what judges actually care about✅ How reactivity quietly drives up your legal fees✅ Why being “coached” by AI can backfire badly in a high-conflict case✅ How to know it's time for support—without waiting until burnoutABOUT LOUIZE YAFAILouize Yafai is a divorce, separation, and co-parenting coach with a degree in counselling and psychotherapy. Drawing on her own experience of financial and post-separation abuse—and years of helping men and women face unpredictable, narcissistic co-parents—she specializes in emotional regulation, boundaries, and the practical strategies that help people move through high-conflict divorce with strength and self-respect. She is a contributing author to the #1 best seller “Emotional Alchemy” and to a recent anthology curated with Olympic medalist Fatima Whitbread MBE on overcoming adversity.

Episode 137 features Jules Batterman of Julez and the Rollerz talking about her experiences with toxic relationships. After suffering through some unhealthy friendships, Jules has learned over the years to set boundaries and communicate openly with the people in her life, whether in her personal or musical world. http://julezandtherollerz.com Featured song clips: Julez and the Rollerz - "I Need Love" from Dirty Little Rock ‘N' Roller (Lolipop Records, 2026) Julez and the Rollerz - "Always Hard 4 U" from Dirty Little Rock ‘N' Roller (Lolipop Records, 2026) Downtown Boys - "100% Inheritance Tax" from Full Communism (Don Giovanni Records, 2015) Julez and the Rollerz - "I Don't Know You" from Dirty Little Rock ‘N' Roller (Lolipop Records, 2026) Photo: Tim Lewis The SCREAM THERAPY BOOK is now available! Scream Therapy: A Punk Journey through Mental Health is a memoir-plus that has been heralded by New York Times best-selling authors. Like the podcast, it links the community-minded punk rock scene with the mental wellness of the punks who belong to it. ORDER A COPY OF THE BOOK! screamtherapyhq.com/book SCREAM THERAPY MERCH STORE! teepublic.com/user/scream-therapy About this podcast: Scream Therapy explores the link between punk rock and mental health. My guests are members of the underground music scene who are living with mental health challenges, like myself. Intro/background music clips: Submission Hold - "Cranium Ache" Render Useless - "The Second Flight of Icarus" Contact host Jason Schreurs - screamtherapypodcast@gmail.com If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7 contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK, or the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741.

Send us Fan MailCayla is dating with one goal in mind: finding a husband. She knows her non-negotiables, values consistency, and is not afraid to walk away when something does not align.But one first date tested everything. What started as drinks, dinner, and a strong connection quickly turned into jealousy, an unnecessary confrontation, and a fight that nearly sent her date over a second-floor balcony.Cayla joins DJ to talk about recognizing insecurity early, knowing the difference between reacting from trauma and learning from it, practicing abstinence while dating, and why she is finally open to trying a more intentional dating app.Follow Cayla on Instagram at @thecayladee.Crazy stories. Real love. Let's get into it.Support the showProduced by Organized MovementsRecorded at PriviCast StudioVisit our Website playing4keepsdating.com

In this episode, I'm talking about why self-blame becomes almost automatic when you've been in an emotionally abusive or coercively controlling relationship, and why it feels like relief even when it's actually costing you.I get into the nervous system science behind it, specifically how fawning works, how your brain gets wired to connect calm with compliance, and why that wiring doesn't just disappear when the relationship ends. If you have ever cried the whole drive home because you didn't apologize, this one is for you. I also walk through some concrete ways to start interrupting the pattern, because healing from this is not about flipping a switch. It is about catching yourself in small moments, again and again, until a different kind of calm starts to feel possible.Support the show*Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast*Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your RelationshipWebsite: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.comInstagram: @emotionalabusecoachEmail: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

Less than 10% of reported sexual assaults result in a conviction in Australia. So, what does it actually take to bring a rapist to justice? In part 2 of former police officer and survivor Caroline Clarke’s chat with Gary Jubelin, we find out exactly that. In this episode, Caroline details the aftermath of being sexually assaulted by a massage therapist - from the agonising decision to report, to becoming an active force in her case recording a confession that police called "the best they’d ever heard". Caroline also unpacks one of the most misunderstood reactions in trauma - the freeze response, a survival mechanism hardwired into all of us. Yet it still continues to be used against survivors in courtrooms, in conversations, and in their own heads. Caroline breaks down why it happens, how it works, and why the shame so many survivors carry about it is not only unfair, it's wrong. Subscribe to our new Youtube channel. Follow I Catch Killers:Instagram: @icatchkillersTiktok: @icatchkillerspodcastFacebook: @icatchkillersSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Our Love Story, Q&A for CouplesIn this episode of Our Love Story, Katie and Dyanna Eisel react to the latest season of Netflix's The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On and unpack the real relationship lessons behind the drama. From emotional safety and attachment styles to manipulation, accountability, and unhealthy communication patterns, this conversation goes far beyond reality TV.​​If you've watched the finale or reunion, you'll hear a therapist's perspective on what really happened beneath the surface. Even if you haven't seen the show, you'll walk away with valuable insights that can strengthen your own relationships.​​

Caroline Clarke spent nearly a decade as a police officer on the rough streets of West Yorkshire chasing down criminals, working the drugs squad, and stepping into homes torn apart by domestic violence. But nothing in her training prepared her for what happened when she became a victim-survivor herself. In this episode of I Catch Killers, Caroline opens up about growing up in a home where love and violence lived side by side, the silence she inherited from her mother, and the sexual assault that left her questioning why her body froze when she thought she would fight. Caroline breaks down the freeze response, a trauma reaction still misunderstood by police, juries, and the public, and explains why survivors are so often blamed instead of believed. Caroline is now the founder of the No More Silence movement, dedicated to helping survivors break their silence and shift the shame back to where it belongs. Subscribe to our new Youtube channel. Follow I Catch Killers:Instagram: @icatchkillersTiktok: @icatchkillerspodcastFacebook: @icatchkillersSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Send us Fan MailIn this episode of Playing 4 Keeps, DJ sits down with music consultant Shay, @1missstorm, for an honest conversation about dating-app love, overlooked red flags, love bombing, betrayal, and the danger of falling in love with someone's carefully created image.Shay opens up about how the relationship began, why she trusted him, and how consistency, generosity, and support made her believe she had found the real thing. She also shares how her faith helped her recognize what she could no longer ignore and gave her the strength to walk away from a life that looked perfect from the outside.DJ and Shay also discuss healing after betrayal, celibacy, emotional safety, ambition, self-love, masculine and feminine energy, and why honesty, transparency, stability, and prayer will be nonnegotiable in Shay's next relationship.This episode is a reminder that someone can give you everything you asked for and still hide who they truly are.Follow Shay at @1missstorm and follow @playing4keepsdating on all platforms.Support the showProduced by Organized MovementsRecorded at PriviCast StudioVisit our Website playing4keepsdating.com

What if the most damaging relationship in your life isn't with someone else—but with yourself? In this episode, Dara explores how your inner dialogue shapes your confidence, your emotional health, and even your ability to lose weight. If you've spent years criticizing yourself, walking on eggshells around your own mistakes, or believing you need to "do better" before you deserve kindness, this conversation will help you see things in a completely new way. You'll learn how negative self-talk quietly undermines your mental and physical well-being, why emotional adulthood is one of the most powerful tools for lasting change, and how becoming your own safe place can transform your relationship with food, your body, and yourself. This episode is an invitation to stop bullying yourself and start becoming the person who offers yourself the same compassion you so freely give everyone else. In this episode, you'll learn: What a toxic relationship with yourself actually looks like Why your inner dialogue predicts your future results The difference between emotional childhood and emotional adulthood How to stop letting other people's opinions define your worth Why building confidence starts by filling your own bucket Practical ways to become your own safe place How healing your relationship with yourself naturally changes your relationship with food If you've been waiting until you lose the weight to feel confident or happy, this episode will show you a better way. Want to join the Summer Bucket List Challenge? Join HERE. Follod Dara on Instagram for more on how to build confidence first and then lose weight without diets, counting calories or willpower @dara_tomasson.  

Why do so many successful women thrive in business but struggle to find lasting love? In this episode of Wickedly Smart Women, host Anjel B. Hartwell welcomes Chaya Garcia, The Epic Love Expert, a relationship expert and founder of the growing #LoveLighter movement. Chaya shares how her own journey through toxic relationships, codependency, and self-discovery inspired her mission to help women attract emotionally healthy, lasting partnerships. Whether you're navigating dating, marriage, or simply learning to trust yourself again, this conversation offers powerful wisdom for choosing yourself first.   What You Will Learn: Why high-achieving women often struggle with healthy romantic relationships. The difference between chemistry and emotional safety. How to recognize relationship red flags from the very beginning. Why hope can sometimes keep women stuck in unhealthy situations. The importance of aligning words with actions. How self-love influences every relationship you create. Why emotional sobriety matters as much as physical sobriety. The connection between toxic relationships and unhealthy work environments. How asking better questions leads to better relationship choices. Why letting go can create space for the love you truly deserve.   Connect with Chaya Garcia Website https://connectwithchaya.com/  Connect with Wickedly Smart Women® Wickedly Smart Women Wickedly Smart Women on X Wickedly Smart Women on Instagram Wickedly Smart Women Facebook Community Wickedly Smart Women Store on TeePublic [5X Award-Winning Book] Wickedly Smart Women: Trusting Intuition, Taking Action, Transforming Worlds Email: listeners@wickedlysmartwomen.com  

Send us Fan MailMany people expect to feel instant relief after leaving an unhealthy relationship, only to find themselves overwhelmed by grief, guilt, anxiety, and self-doubt instead. In this episode, Sara Davison is joined by breakup and divorce coach Kerry Farrell, who shares her powerful story of leaving a 24-year abusive marriage and rebuilding her life from the ground up.Together, they discuss why healing isn't immediate, how emotional abuse affects your identity, and practical strategies to help you reset, rebuild, and move forward. From managing overwhelming emotions to reclaiming your confidence one small step at a time, this episode is packed with compassionate advice for anyone navigating the aftermath of a toxic relationship.Support the showFind more information and resources here: http://saradavison.com/Follow me on social media►Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/saradavisondivorcecoach/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SaraDavisonDivorceCoachTwitter: https://twitter.com/SDDivorceCoachLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sara-davison-742b453/

Why Codependents Ignore Red Flags (And Stay in Toxic Relationships) A Live Workshop Episode with Lisa A. Romano, Breakthrough Life Coach Have you ever looked back on a toxic relationship and wondered, "Why didn't I see the red flags sooner?" Do you find yourself constantly giving people the benefit of the doubt, overexplaining their behavior, or staying in relationships long after the warning signs are obvious? If so, you are not weak. You may have been conditioned to override your own instincts. In this powerful live workshop episode, Lisa A. Romano explains why codependent people often struggle to recognize narcissistic behavior and emotional manipulation in real time. Through deep psychological insight and nervous system awareness, Lisa reveals how childhood trauma trains the subconscious mind to normalize instability, dismiss intuition, and mistake emotional pain for love. This is not about being naïve. It is about conditioning. In This Episode You'll Discover:

Heather Melville Helps everyone have healthy, fulfilling relationships in their life, but also focused on helping those, specifically women, who have endured the opposite of a healthy relationship. Helping them heal and recover after a Toxic Relationship. Heather Melville Vroom Vroom Veer Show Summary Intro: Jeff welcomes Heather to the show and asks how she's … Read More Read More Source

A man divorces his wife after two years of zero affection post-menopause. He starts dating again, shares his story with a woman he's seeing, and she calls him a narcissist. His ex-wife used the same word. Now he's writing to me wondering if they're right.In this episode, I break down what actual narcissism is, why the word has become a go-to weapon in relationship conflict, and how to think clearly about whether the label actually fits you — or whether it's being used to make you feel like the problem when you're not.

(00:00) Hour two begins with the guys discussing how the Jaylen Brown deal went down and what role he played in forcing the Celtics to accept a bad deal, did the Celtics lose leverage from his actions?(9:03) The guys react to Goodman saying that there is no way Brad Stevens wanted to do this deal. Beetle asks who prevented Brad from paying Giannis?(21:45) Hour two continues with the guys talking about their day with the boats on Monday leading into an in depth talk about cheese and its presentation. (29:19) This or ThatSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I was walking on a beach when God said something I wasn't ready to hear. Not comfort. Not ease. Peace. "If you don't bring me peace, you don't get a place at my table." I thought I understood what that meant. I didn't. I thought protecting my peace meant cutting out anyone who challenged me. But challenge is not the enemy of peace — emotional hijacking is. Some people don't challenge you. They hijack you. You leave every interaction drained, defensive, replaying the conversation in the shower at 2am. That's not growth — it's an open loop quietly stealing your energy, and it won't close itself. If you're tired of draining relationships that never change, this episode gives you a way to discern who belongs at your table — and the courage to stop setting a place for those who don't. In this episode: • The difference between a holy challenge and emotional hijacking • The "aftermath test" — one question that reveals who stays at your table • 4 practical steps to protect your peace — no drama, no guilt • Why protecting your peace is stewardship, not selfishness This is the heart of Stop Stealing From Yourself — starting with the relationships you keep saying yes to.

In this video, I break down 10 signs you're in a toxic relationship with a narcissistic or emotionally abusive partner, from the perspective of a clinically diagnosed narcissist who's been on both sides of the dynamic. We'll talk about what it really means to ignore your intuition, why conflicts escalate so fast when you challenge them, how isolation from friends and family makes you easier to control, and why their apologies never lead to actual change. I'll show you how gaslighting, manipulation, and “I'm sorry for everything” keep you doubting yourself instead of their behavior, and why cutting people off for the chance at one toxic love leaves you more vulnerable than ever. If these signs sound familiar, this video will help you recognize the red flags, validate what you're feeling, and start planning how to protect your peace and break the cycle. Book a Coaching Session: [⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://link.me/mentalhealness⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠]

Gary reveals that Charles Barkley was invited to Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce's multi-million dollar wedding — and turned it down. Plus, Questlove showed up with his girlfriend and people have thoughts. Then the crew tackles the disturbing story of veteran radio host Big Tigger, who reportedly stepped away from his show following an aggravated battery arrest — and his wife's separate kidnapping warrant involving a child still listed as missing by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. Licensed therapist Spirit joins Rickey live to break down why smart, successful people stay in toxic relationships. This is a conversation you need to hear.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Leave a text or voice message so we can respondThe Things You Don't Expect After Leaving a Toxic RelationshipMany survivors believe leaving a toxic relationship is the finish line.But for some, leaving is the moment the abuser realizes they are losing access to control—and that's when entirely new tactics can emerge.In this episode, we're talking about post-separation abuse: the ongoing attempts some emotionally abusive, narcissistic, or controlling partners make to maintain influence long after the relationship has ended.We'll explore what post-separation abuse looks like, why it happens, and the emotional toll it can take on survivors. From excessive texting and constant emergencies to smear campaigns, false accusations, financial sabotage, court manipulation, love bombing, hoovering, and using children as messengers, many survivors find themselves facing challenges they never expected after leaving.You'll learn:• What post-separation abuse is and how to recognize it• Why some abusers escalate after a breakup or divorce• The common mistake survivors make that keeps them emotionally hooked into the conflict• How ongoing abuse can create anxiety, hypervigilance, rumination, self-doubt, and exhaustion• Why healing isn't measured by whether they stop• What recovery actually looks like after emotional abuse and narcissistic abuseIf you've ever found yourself thinking, "I left, so why am I still struggling?" this episode is for you.The reality is that healing isn't always about getting the other person to change. It's about reclaiming your peace, your energy, your identity, and your future—even when someone else is trying to keep you stuck in the past.Visit the link in the show notes for free healing resources, including my 5-Day Guided Mentor Audio Series, Deconditioning Workbook, podcast episodes, and additional support for every stage of your healing journey.Keywords: post-separation abuse, emotional abuse recovery, narcissistic abuse recovery, toxic relationship recovery, coercive control, trauma bond recovery, divorce recovery, healing after emotional abuse, toxic ex, narcissistic ex, post-divorce abuse, emotional healing, relationship trauma, abuse recovery, recovering from a toxic relationship.Set up your Free Call Today! Support the showReady to stop overthinking your past relationship and start feeling like yourself again?Visit www.radiatenrise.com to explore coaching programs, self-paced courses, free resources, and tools designed to help you break free from emotional abuse, rumination, and self-doubt.✍

Dr Russell Thackeray welcomes writer and nonprofit leader Deborah Santana from Los Angeles to discuss her work and memoir, Loving the Fire: Choosing Me, Finding Freedom. Deborah explains her nonprofit Do Little, which supports women and girls in health, education, and happiness, and describes her lifelong commitment to challenging exclusion, shaped by growing up with an interracial family and seeing ongoing barriers such as limits on women's ordination. She critiques cultural and political forces she sees as pushing society toward a white patriarchal system, and emphasises education through original, trustworthy sources. She shares how being married to guitarist Carlos Santana for 34 years led her to feel unseen, and how leaving helped her live by her values, focus on collaborative “circle” work, and reclaim her identity. She highlights meditation as a core resilience practice and offers guidance on moving away from toxic relationships. She directs viewers to deborahsantana.com and notes an audiobook is in progress.00:00 Welcome and Introductions00:49 Flowers and Gardening Chat02:03 Nonprofit Mission Do Little02:58 Why Equality Still Matters03:39 Family Roots and Exclusion08:20 Reclaiming Your Voice10:41 Leaving Celebrity Life11:35 Circles and Museum Work13:11 Truth Education and AI14:31 Loving the Fire Memoir17:12 Meditation and Walking Through Fire19:13 Toxic Relationships and Change20:54 Where to Find the Book21:41 Audiobook and Closing You can contact us at info@qedod.comResources can be found online or link to our website https://resilienceunravelled.com

In this episode of The Journey Podcast, we talk about the difference between love, lust, attraction, potential, and real emotional connection. The conversation gets honest about why s*x can keep people stuck in the wrong relationships, why we fall in love with who someone could be instead of who they actually are, and why chasing unavailable people usually says more about us than them. We also break down anxious and avoidant attachment, healing before dating again, pushing away someone good, and what it feels like to grieve a relationship while you're still in it. This is one of those conversations for anyone who has ever confused chemistry for love, stayed too long, or had to accept that the timing just wasn't right.Patreon (EXCLUSIVE EPISODES)https://www.patreon.com/c/TheJourneyPodThe Journey Podcast Merchhttps://thejourneypodcast.shopINSTAGRAMhttps://www.instagram.com/zacharycummings_https://www.instagram.com/thejourneypodcasthttps://www.instagram.com/johnscafiddijrhttps://www.instagram.com/aviwizwerhttps://www.instagram.com/patbertellTik Tok https://www.tiktok.com/thejourneypodcast__#relationships #datingadvice #relationshipadvice #love #lust #toxicrelationships #situationships #heartbreak #healing #mensmentalhealth #selfimprovement #traumabond #attachmentstyles

Leave a text or voice message so we can respondHave you ever found yourself wondering if you wasted the best years of your life on the wrong person?Maybe you've replayed old relationships in your mind, imagined different outcomes, or found yourself thinking, "What if I had made a different choice?" After emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse, a toxic marriage, or a painful divorce, many survivors find themselves grieving far more than the relationship itself. They're grieving the future they thought they were going to have.In this episode, we're exploring the hidden grief that nobody talks about after a toxic relationship: the grief of lost time, lost possibilities, and the life you imagined for yourself. You'll learn why your brain creates alternate timelines, why it's so easy to get stuck romanticizing the past, and how rumination can keep you trapped in a version of life that never actually existed.We'll discuss:• Why survivors often fantasize about old relationships or "what could have been" & What victims often fantasize about inside the abusive relationships that will help you feel less alone• The connection between emotional abuse, grief, and rumination• Why comparing your real life to an imagined timeline keeps you stuck• The hidden fear that you've "missed your chance" at love and happiness• How to stop mourning the life that never happened and start creating the one that's still possible• Why healthy, safe, emotionally connected relationships are still available after abuseIf you're struggling with regret after divorce, grieving lost years, healing from emotional abuse, recovering from narcissistic abuse, or wondering whether you'll ever find healthy love again, this episode will help you feel seen, understood, and hopeful about what's still ahead.✨ Apply for a Root Cause Assessment & Action Plan✨ Explore coaching, courses, and free resources at Radiate & Rise✨ Listen to more episodes on healing, rumination, self-worth, and recovery after toxic relationshipsSet up your Free Call Today! Support the showReady to stop overthinking your past relationship and start feeling like yourself again?Visit www.radiatenrise.com to explore coaching programs, self-paced courses, free resources, and tools designed to help you break free from emotional abuse, rumination, and self-doubt.✍

Send us Fan Mail If you've ever escaped a toxic relationship and still felt broken afterward, you're not imagining it, and you're not failing. I sit down with  Brooke DeBoer  for an honest conversation about healing from abuse and why “getting out” is often only the beginning of domestic violence recovery and trauma healing. Brooke shares how survivors can carry hidden wounds long after the relationship ends: the quiet erosion of self-worth, the fear that lingers in the body, and the way your inner voice can shrink when you've had to comply to stay safe. We talk about the strange moment when healthy love shows up and it feels suspicious, even undeserved, and how rebuilding self-confidence means learning to receive respect without trying to earn it. If you've ever thought someone was “too nice,” we unpack what that reaction can be pointing to. We also get practical about tools that help: building the right support around you, working with professionals, and naming the protective behaviours that form around pain. Brooke references Whole Again by Jackson MacKenzie and explains how defence mechanisms like overworking, overproving, perfectionism, or numbing can mask a broken heart. She also shares how faith and a sense of unconditional love can become an anchor while you rebuild your identity, boundaries, and voice. If something here stirs an old story you're still holding, take one step after you listen. Subscribe to Healthy Mind, Healthy Life, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find these conversations. Connect With Brooke DeBoer: Website: https://www.thebrookedeboer.com Instagram: @freebrooke — https://www.instagram.com/freebrooke/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/freebrooke X (Twitter): @4freebrooke — https://x.com/4freebrooke TikTok: @coachfreebrooke — https://www.tiktok.com/@coachfreebrooke Book (Living the FreeLife): https://www.thebrookedeboer.com/author/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/brooke-deboer-311b857/ Support the show Want to Be a Guest on Healthy Mind, Healthy Life?

Friday, June 26, 2026 Today, another federal judge has permanently blocked Trump's order restricting mail-in voting; the Supreme Court has stripped temporary protected status from 350,000 Haitians and Syrians, and blocks asylum seekers at the border; vendors have been told to begin dismantling the Alligator Alcatraz concentration camp; massive earthquakes rocked Venezuela, Japan, and California; the Pentagon restored flu vaccines after hundreds fell ill; Senate Republicans caved on yesterday's War Powers Resolution; US Park Police seek to identify a person who touched the water in the reflecting pool a week ago; Jamie Raskin will open a discharge petition to force a vote on the $1.8B Slush Fund; a judge wants answers on why the tarp hasn't been removed from the Kennedy Center facade; plus Allison delivers your Good News. Thank You, Smalls For a limited time, get 60% off your first order, plus free shipping and free treats for life, when you head to Smalls.com/DAILYBEANS Join The Daily Beans and give a gift today to ensure The Trevor Project can continue its crucial work in the face of continued challenges. Donate to The Trevor Project - Daily Beans Podcast Guest: John FugelsangTell Me Everything|John Fugelsang, The John Fugelsang Podcast, John Fugelsang|Substack, @johnfugelsang|Bluesky, @JohnFugelsang|TwitterSeparation of Church and Hate by John Fugelsang The Latest Breakdown:The Breakdown | Trump And Trillionaires' Secret Plan To Destroy America StoriesVendors Told to Start Dismantling Florida's ‘Alligator Alcatraz' Detention Center | The New York Times Judge orders DOJ to produce, unredact sought after Epstein files | The Hill Supreme Court Allows Trump to Strip TPS, Turn Away Asylum Seekers Arriving at the Border in Pair of New Immigration Rulings | American Immigration Council Federal Judge Strikes Key Parts of Trump Order Restricting Mail Voting | The New York Times A federal judge wants answers on the tarp and scaffolding at the Kennedy Center | MS NOW Several Strong Quakes Hit Across the World in 24 Hours | The New York Times Pentagon restores mandatory flu shots for all recruits as boot camp outbreak sickens nearly 300 | AP News Reflecting Pool caulking cut with 'sharp knife or razor' in previously undisclosed incident, NPS says in court filing | ABC News Raskin launches discharge effort to formally block 'Anti-Weaponization Fund' | POLITICOGood TroubleMail-in voting is under attack. Here's what you can do - Democracy Docket Ballot Mail for Federal Elections - FederalRegister.gov →Oppose House Amendment to Defund the Peace Corps! →Comment on FR-6518-P-01 Equal Access  in HUD Programs Revisions  →Regulation for Federal Financial Assistance -  Open For Comments →FieldTeam6.org →Standwithminnesota.com →Tell Congress Ice out Now | Indivisible, Defund ICE | 5Calls →ICE List  →iceout.org Good News Tour — DANA GOLDBERGTickets for Dana Goldberg: Outrageous - Sep 23 - Den Theater - Chicago  →Share your Good News & Good Trouble - The Daily Beans →Beans Talk audio -beans-talk.simplecast.com →Email Dana LGBTQ Owned eating establishments in your area - hello@mswmedia.com Subject: “Dana's Project” Subscribe to the MSW YouTube Channel - MSW Media - YouTube Our Donation Links The Trevor Project - trevorproject.org/beans Blue Wave California - bluewavecalifornia.org/concert Donate to Public Citizen - https://citizen.org/beans/ The Daily Beans is donating $10,000 and invites you to give what you can to support their life-affirming work - Donate to It Gets Better / The Daily Beans Fundraiser Pathways to Citizenship link to MATCH Allison's Donationhttps://crm.bloomerang.co/HostedDonation?ApiKey=pub_86ff5236-dd26-11ec-b5ee-066e3d38bc77&WidgetId=6388736 Join Dana and The Daily Beans in support of Human Rights Campaign http://onecau.se/_ekes71 More Donation LinksNational Security Counselors - Donate, ActBlue.com/donate/msw-bwc, WhistleblowerAid.org/beans Dr. Allison Gill - The Breakdown | Allison Gill, Mueller, She Wrote @muellershewrote.com - Bluesky, MSW & The Daily Beans Podcast @muellershewrote - Instagram, MSW Media - YouTube →Federal workers - email AG at fedoath@pm.me and let me know what you're going to do, or just vent. 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Why do you stay with someone who treats you terribly, while simultaneously believing they are your soulmate? In this video, Lee Hammock breaks down the exhausting psychological reality of cognitive dissonance in toxic relationships.Cognitive dissonance occurs when your brain is forced to hold two completely conflicting beliefs at the exact same time: "they love me" versus "they hurt me."We expose how an abuser or controlling person intentionally manufactures this mental fog through a calculated push-pull dynamic of intense love bombing followed by sudden cruelty. This isn't an accident—it's a design. We walk through the mechanics of the intermittent reinforcement cycle, the strongest form of behavioral conditioning known to psychology and explain the neurological basis of why you can't just walk away. Unpredictable dopamine hits from the rare "good moments" keep your brain chemically hooked, forcing you to hold onto a fantasy version of the abuser rather than the reality of who they are.Doubting your own memory and constantly questioning your reality.Justifying their toxic behavior to your friends, family, and yourself.Constant apologizing for things you didn't even do just to keep the peace.Total paralysis in decision-making because you no longer trust your own judgment.This intense mental friction traps you in a loop that literally makes you feel like you are going crazy. If you are ready to pull back the curtain on this emotional manipulation, stop the self-doubt, and reclaim your mental health, this deep dive is for you. Remember: naming it is your first step toward breaking it.Common Signs You Are Experiencing Cognitive Dissonance:Book a Coaching Session: [⁠⁠⁠⁠https://link.me/mentalhealness⁠⁠⁠⁠]

Episode 116 featuring Isaac Caree... What started with laughs, jokes, and sibling-like banter between B. Simone and Isaac Carree quickly turned into one of the most honest conversations we've had on LTTA. Isaac opens up about the pain of church hurt, betrayal, disappointment, and the difficult reality of being wounded by people who claimed to love God. Together, him and B.Simone unpack what it looks like to heal when trust has been broken, why every relationship isn't meant to be restored, and how to discern when God is calling you to release what you've been desperately trying to hold onto. If you've ever sat in a church pew beside someone who smiled in your face but hurt you behind your back, this conversation will hit home. This episode is for anyone carrying the weight of betrayal, struggling to let go, or wondering if forgiveness always means reconciliation. Sometimes healing begins when you stop trying to revive what God already told you to release.

This episode includes narrations of true creepy encounters submitted by normal folks just like yourself. Today you'll experience horrifying stories about Toxic Relationships & Dark Family Secrets.HAVE A STORY TO SUBMIT?LetsReadSubmissions@gmail.comFOLLOW ME ON -►YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/c/letsreadofficial► Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/letsread.official/♫ Music & Cover art: INEKThttps://www.youtube.com/@inektToday's episode is sponsored by:- Betterhelp

Are you seeing things in your marriage or a relationship that feel a little intense or puzzling…and you’re not sure if they're normal or actually signs of a toxic relationship? If so, it's important to pause and look at the pieces of the puzzle together to see what they might be telling you. To discover if you're in a toxic relationship take our free emotional abuse test. Here are five things that might seem “normal,” but aren’t: SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP THAT ARE EASY TO MISS 1. HE WANTS TO MOVE THE RELATIONSHIP FORWARD QUICKLY When you’re in a relationship with someone who seemingly shares and cares about your values and interests, it’s easy to be swept up by the intensity of it all. Especially if the relationship seems to happen at the “right” time, and things move forward quickly. But this level of intensity and pace doesn’t give you time to slow down and really think about why you seem so compatible. 2. HE WANTS CONSTANT ACCESS TO YOU, BUT HE’S CLOSED OFF It might seem caring for your partner or husband to want to know where you are all of the time. But is it reciprocal or does it feel one-sided, like he needs constant visibility into your life, while parts of his remain just out of reach? Many women in these situations describe a quiet, hard-to-explain feeling that something isn't adding up. Like he's keeping close tabs on them… while also keeping options, information, or even other relationships carefully hidden. 3. HIS MOODS SHIFT SUDDENLY AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHY Think about it…in healthy relationships, partners are usually aware of the reasons why one partner isn’t in a good mood. They typically communicate about bad days at work or when they’re not feeling well. But in toxic relationships, that level of trust and communication often isn’t there, because one partner doesn’t want it to be. Everything's fine, until it's not, and then, it suddenly is again…And you're left trying to figure out what changed. 4. HE‘S UPSET OVER SMALL THINGS Things that don't seem like a big deal, suddenly are signs of a toxic relationship. For example, you miss a turn on the way to his best friend’s birthday party… and suddenly it's not about directions anymore. He's accusing you of being disrespectful, or doing it on purpose because you don’t want to go. Or you might simply ask him to help with the groceries, and suddenly he’s angry because, “you don’t respect his time and all the things he has to do.” 5. HE’S A DIFFERENT PERSON WHEN OTHERS ARE WATCHING Things feel tense, confusing, or even cold behind closed doors…but in public, he seems calm, kind, hardworking, and completely put together. For example, during counseling or around friends, he might appear thoughtful, patient, and willing to work on the relationship. He says the right things. He looks sincere. Other people may even be impressed by how hard he's trying. But when you're alone again, it's different. The warmth disappears. The tension returns. And you're left trying to reconcile the version of him everyone else sees…with the version you live with every day. If you relate and you need support, we’re always online to help you. Go to btr.org/group/ to see my daily support group schedule. TRANSCRIPT: EARLY SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR HUSBAND Anne:  I did an interview with a member of our community. We’re going to call her Iris, She talked about how his toxic patterns showed up in her marriage and what happened when she started using the strategies she learned in my workshop. Here’s that interview. Welcome, Iris.  Iris: Thank you. Glad to be here. Anne: Let’s start at the beginning of your story. Can you talk about how you felt when you first met your husband? Iris: He was very charming, and he seemed extremely sincere. Now I understand that he was love bombing me and was trying to make things go fast. It was very intense. And he preyed upon me at a time when I was really ready to get married and have kids. Everybody was getting married and having kids. So he went right for what was the most vulnerable part of me. And we met through a young adult single thing in our group. He proceeded to be very attentive. Anne: When you say young adult, single thing, that sounds a little bit like my faith. What’s your faith background? Iris: it’s the Catholic church. It’s actually Theology on Tap, which is at a brew pub, and you can buy a drink and mingle. And then they have a speaker. Anne: Kind of Matt Fraddish. Iris: Yes. Anne: I actually know Matt Fradd in real life. Iris: And I don’t go to the Catholic church anymore. But that was a huge part of our marriage and, we were really in a circle of pretty devout people. Which also I think contributed to my willingness to submit to him. Anne: When you say submit, can you talk about that a little bit more? EARLY CONTROL DISGUISED AS CARE AND SHARED VALUES Iris: Hindsight, there were red flags before we married. There were early signs of coercive control. It dates me, but cell phones weren’t the norm yet. And he bought me a cell phone so he could reach me more easily. He was pretty volatile. He asked me to marry him within a month or two and I deferred and we dated longer, but he was just intense. Then he would be very sorry. He would cold shoulder me at points. He’d be angry for things that were weird, wasn’t very flexible. Now I know these were signs of a toxic relationship. We went through nine months of marriage prep. So many Christian circles focus on the idea that the man is the head. I saw that in my parents' marriage too. My dad made all the decisions. My mom was independent in some ways, but she still did what he wanted. I think I expected marriage to look like that. The husband leads and the wife follows. Even though I was independent, had a master's degree, was over 30, and had traveled, I still lived in a huge Christian community where that model of marriage was everywhere. NOT RECOGNIZING SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP Anne: And you just mentioned nobody actually says that, but they actually do say that, it might not be in so many words. It might not be so directly, but they like actually say it. And if you call ’em out and say, “Hey, you said this.” They usually deny it. “Of course, I didn’t say that.” And you’re like, “What? You did.” That’s the part that’s really confusing. The therapists come in or the clergy comes in, or the friends and family, and they gaslight you too. It’s like, “You’re putting words in my mouth. I didn’t say that.” Especially when they find out what he is really like, and you’re like, “What?” “You told me this.” “Well, I never did.” And they for sure did. It’s almost like no matter what you do, you can’t win. There are friends of mine and maybe friends of yours too, who are amazing and they’re like, “Oh my word, I said the wrong thing.” That is so validating. I feel like when I meet people like that, it’s easy to be like, “It’s okay did the ‘wrong thing’ too. I was doing the best I could and I didn’t know that he was abusive. And I didn’t know what was happening, and didn’t recognize signs of a toxic relationship. So I can’t blame you either.” But, for the other people who continue to not believe us and deny that they said or did certain things. ‘That’s harder. Cause it becomes this almost group of unhealthy people that you’re dealing with, rather than just the one unhealthy person. Iris: Right. Signs of a Toxic Relationship: The Sudden Switch After Marriage Anne: Did you end up going to couple therapy? Iris: In the Catholic Church you do Pre-Cana, which is pre-marriage counseling, and they saw some things that were concerning. He was very intent that he could change things. They would categorize it like how we were different. I think she said to me, “Life might always be kind of hard for him.” ‘Cause that’s what she was seeing.. He works very hard, so he seems very sincere. And he met with the man in the couple we met with. And read books and was very sincere. They said to us, “Oh, we’ve never seen somebody work so hard to try to improve themselves so that they’re ready for a marriage.” He impressed them, and I remember feeling exhausted by that point. And it was a mask. I now know that these were signs of a toxic relationship. Anne: Like you shouldn’t have to work that hard. to be normal. They are hard workers, because it would be very hard to pretend all the time. Iris: Right, and that’s how he lives. He has a mask all the time. We had this huge Catholic wedding, like an hour and 20 minute long mass. And it was that night the switch flipped. And he was angry. He cold shouldered me. We’d waited till our wedding night, and he said things that were incredibly humiliating. Seeing THE SAME SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP IN OTHER WOMEN’S STORIES Iris: Then the next morning he would hardly talk to me. And we left the beautiful hotel. We were to go to a morning brunch at my parents, with guests who were from outta town and our families. And he was furious because people had decorated our car. And he had to stop at a car wash to rinse everything off before we even got to the wedding brunch. Anne: I used this story in my book. Iris: You did? Anne: Yes, this story. Someone else had the same story. Iris: Isn’t that amazing? Like how these Chucks do the same thing to us and have all the same signs of a toxic relationship. Anne: ‘ Like Twilight Zone. Cause you never gave me that story. Iris: isn’t that amazing? I feel like that in group a lot. I’m like, “Oh, that happened to me.” Anne: BTR has been like me trying to fit all the pieces together. And as I’ve tried to fit all the pieces together, things became very clear. And I’ve become very good at seeing in the dark. So this piece of the puzzle I was trying to get it to fit. Like why did he do that? I’ve never met you before, but I spent a lot of time piecing just this piece. With the other pieces that I had of other people’s stories to say, what was this about? I’ve spent so much time with this story in my brain and what it meant. I’m like, holy cow. Iris: Thank you. Thank you for somewhere to tell it, because it was something that felt so shameful for such a long time, rejected, and humiliated. RECOGNIZING THE PATTERNS OF EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE PARTNERS Iris: So we went to that wedding brunch, and I knew he was on edge the whole time. Other people didn’t necessarily see that. We got back to the house we were making our home together, which was his house. And he was angry, he didn’t want to go on our honeymoon, but I was like, I’ve been planning a wedding. All I have been thinking of is being able to go rest on a beach. So he agreed to go, and it was a really a horrible week. He was just fighting. His anger and unreasonableness, were more signs of a toxic relationship. It’s so hard, because he can make it feel like I’m also participating. We finally came home after the week, and at several points I thought maybe I should just fly home,’because it was awful. How would I even ask somebody to come and pick me up? What would I say? What would I do? Feeling so humiliated, like we had this big wedding, we’d done all this preparation, so we finally came home and I remember the first morning after we’d gotten home. He got up, he didn’t even talk to me. He grabbed his mountain bike, and he went mountain biking all day. That was a pattern that repeats throughout our marriage, where he just does his own, yeah. Anne: I had a mountain biking all day incident as well that I wrote about in my book. All of a sudden I’m like, what is happening? This is Twilight Zone, yes. Iris: No way. The Chucks, it’s the Chuck thing, which has been the most powerful thing to learn. WOMEN HAVE DIFFERENT RESPONSES Anne: Surreal that they’re all the same. I think that’s one of the powerful things about our group sessions is that the women are so different. We all react differently and we’re all doing the right thing. Because all of our personalities are different. So some of us want to protect ourselves by being quiet and sitting back and that’s the right thing for us. Some of us want to fight the guy, because that’s how our personality is. But they do all the same things. It doesn’t seem the same, because we haven’t acted the same. And I think the thing that like really helps it all come together is when you realize they’re so transactional. That they’re going to manipulate you in whatever way works for you, all signs of a toxic relationship. So if you’ve been trying to protect yourself in a certain way, they’ve been countering your protection methods in a certain way. And then when you change up the way you’re trying to protect yourself, they almost become like a different person. But they’ve been that same exact person the whole time. It’s just that they’re so transactional that they’re like, oh, that’s not working anymore. I have to do this other thing. And this whole new set of problems comes out so they can be super, super nice or super aggressive. But the whole time, it’s manipulation and lies. Did he ever go through a time where he seemed like he was really great? WHEN PREGNANCY AND BAD ADVICE KEEP YOU STUCK WITH SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP Iris: I got pregnant right away, so I probably would’ve left, but then I was pregnant and trying to navigate that. When I found out I was pregnant with my first baby, I went to therapy right away, and that therapist just didn’t have the skills to recognize an emotional cycle of abuse and really gaslit me. Then got pregnant again when my daughter was nine months old. So I had two babies, under 18 months old. That was another thing. In my faith, that I grew up with, you’re supposed to accept all babies. That was something that really kept me trapped. I knew once I was pregnant that I would always have to be linked to him. And that was incredibly devastating and terrifying. I think the Christian, and I’m going to say trope, I don’t want to make fun of anybody, but the trope of marriage that you just have to work hard enough and it will all be fine. That really was so damaging when signs of a toxic relationship are present. He did tell me early in our marriage that he had struggled with porn. He did the Every Man’s Battle stuff and everything like that. Also he confided in me that he’d used some at work. He has a security clearance and was about to be interviewed with a, polygraph. He was afraid they would ask him something like that. At the time, he was abusive our whole marriage, but it was the most intense. I didn’t even have the wherewithal to understand that. It was disturbing, it made me feel awful. But I didn’t have any brain space to process what to do with that. He downloaded it on me to get it off his chest. HE WAS Emotionally ABUSIVE ALL OF THE TIME Iris: After my second baby was born, he was probably seven months old, I tried to leave to go to a mom’s group. My ex-husband was angry with me because of my daughter, who’s my older one. I was working on potty training her. And I let her wear pants without underwear. She pooped and he was furious. He came up behind me in the bathroom and pushed me against the counter and said, “Next time, make sure she wears underwear.” So he was abusive all of the time, disrupted my sleep, and would wake me up in the night angry if I coughed. I had to sleep on 18 inches of the bed or less, without moving to not anger him. The reaction I had was to kick him to get him to back up. That’s when he grabbed me by the throat and started to strangle me. And I know now, but I felt terrible later. All I wanted to do was leave. I got my coat and I got in the car and I left. My children were still in the house with him. I just wanted to get away. I went to the mom’s group like everything was fine. But I was dissociated and in trauma. I had gone to my therapist then within a day or two and just poured everything out. And her response was, other women have it worse. And I was so humiliated, like feeling somehow I had caused this. Even though like I knew, I have education. I was in my thirties, I knew that wasn’t right. But the abuse had taken so much of my strength. That kept me so trapped for so long. It made it harder to open up. Therapists aren’t equipped to see signs of a toxic relationship Iris: And we went to so many marriage therapists, who just aren’t equipped. Because Chuck is charming, and they just don’t understand the dynamic except for one therapist who we did not go back to. They didn’t see the signs of a toxiC relationship. But she was crazy. So we went in, it was this dilapidated house. She was far back in the house. The door was open. We went in and sat down. Literally a dog with sores and the cone of shame came out, and she was like, I’ll be right there. Chuck was like, so wigged out. She came out and talked to us for a little while. She also had paranoid notes tacked up on her wall. Anyway, she talks to us for a little while, and Chuck is so wigged out, so Chuck is walking out. And before we leave she says, I want to give you something. And she hands me a page, and it has books on it. So I went home and ordered it, and then it came and I didn’t read it, like I couldn’t read it. I didn’t read it for the longest time, because it was just so painful. But that was the only therapist who saw the signs of a toxic relationship. And then I found out the next week she lost her license, in the newspaper. Anyway, she was the only one who saw the abuse and handed me a key. Anne: So she handed you a clue. When His “I Choose You” Doesn't Add Up Iris: A clue, and she was right. I had gone to other therapists over the years. I looked just crazy, because I would just cry. One therapist had different offices and I would always go to the wrong one. because I had no short term working memory available. Chuck disrupted my sleep. I’d be in the shower, he’d bring the baby in screaming and put them on the bath mat and I’d have to get out and take care of the baby. He’d drive angry, the list goes on and on. I just didn’t have the words to explain. We went to a mom’s group event where dads were invited. And he was angry at me the whole time, but only I knew that. And then I had to get in the car and drive home with him. So it was really intense. And then at about the seven year mark, he decided that marriage worked for him. It was such a delight, such a relief to have him gone for two weeks. He came home from a business trip. And he said, “I realized it’s been you the whole time. You’re really the one that I want to be married to.” Anne: Oh Iris: Right. Anne: Wait, he was having an affair. Iris: I don’t know. Anne: That sounds like something someone would say if they just broke up with someone. Because they’re like trying to choose between the person they’re having an affair with. In my book, I put the pieces together. FROM THE DAY WE GOT MARRIED, THERE WERE SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP Anne: After interviewing over 200 women and hearing their stories. I’m pretty good at knowing what happened. I think in this situation, he’s having an affair and she breaks up with him. He’s feeling bummed about it. He might say out loud to you, I decided I want to be with you. Iris: Mm hmm Anne: You don’t have the context of the affair, of him breaking up with her. So this really weird out of the blue statement, “I’ve decided I want to be married to you.” When he’s been married to you for seven years is odd. It also feels like a relief, “Oh, maybe he just didn’t want to be married to me before, and now he’s choosing me.” But you don’t realize what a weird out of place thing that is, because he makes you feel better in that moment. I don’t know if that rings true to you, but it seems that would be the order of events that would precipitate out of the blue, telling you, “Oh, I’m choosing you now.” Iris: Yeah, it didn’t make me feel better, because from the day we got married, he was horrible. it was awful. Anne: So you’re like, great. Now this awful person really wants to be married to me. Iris: It felt like a lie. Now that I understand how Chuck works, like there was something he wanted, he didn’t really love me. Somebody who really loved me and realized they were wrong would’ve not said that. I think they would’ve said, ” I’ve been horrible. I can see why you wouldn’t even want to be married to me, but I realized I really want to be married to you. They would’ve said something to try to heal that. Anne: Some effort to repair. Seeing the Patterns and Signs of a Toxic Relationship Anne: Instead it was more signs of a toxic relationship. Iris: I think so. And I think that’s why it felt awful. Because he manipulated me. Which I don’t think I could verbalize at that time, but he manipulated again. Anne: Were you about to leave at that time? Was there anything about you that was different? Iris: He knew that I was unhappy, but he was abusive all of the time, yeah. Anne: Did you ever find out about explicit media use? Iris: He told me, in hindsight, he’d invited a single woman that he’d never met to our wedding. Which was weird. It was a last minute thing, and I feel like she was probably a backup. Anne: You’ve said three stories now that sound exactly like other stories. I have heard this before. Your story includes all the classic, down to the detail. Iris: Wow Anne: Of inviting someone else to the wedding. Iris: The Chuckness of it. Anne: You got a winner. Iris: He’s a doozy. He told me later that he didn’t actually want to get married. Then when I look at inviting this woman to the wedding, he didn’t admit that for many years. But when he did, I was like, oh, so she must have been the escape hatch. If he didn’t go through with marrying me, he would’ve had someone in the wings. FEELING HELPLESS Iris: I suspect he continues to use porn. He is in cybersecurity, and he always had three computers in his office. So I wonder if one of those he used. I don’t know. I’ve always been curious about what that was. I don’t think I was as tuned into that until I was leaving the marriage. And then there wasn’t much that I had access to. There wasn’t anybody that seemed to have that language who I could talk to. I just felt really helpless, and he was very manipulative and very controlling, the love bombing, he is very good at. The other part was that I was super reactive at that point. So I felt very guilty about my responses to his behavior. Even though it was less intense and further apart. But the reality is that those first seven years, in the bedroom, total coercion, marital rape, and everything now that I have words for, had happened. By that point, like there was very little he had to do to make me comply, to try to stay out of his way. I would try to have a separate life, while maintaining that Christian marriage appearance. It took me a long time to see these as signs of a toxic relationship. Anne: We would probably call it like survival mode. You are trying to survive and that’s why a lot of people use the word survivor when they talk about abuse victims, because every day you’re just trying to survive. Why Getting Help Feels So Scary at First Iris: Yeah, daily. Navigate all of the things that are happening that just don’t make any sense. And I don’t have the words for. I think during the pandemic, I started to see your Instagrams. And it was like, oh, that’s what’s happening, those are the words. That’s what this is. And beginning to be able to label things and feel like I’m not alone. Then, wanting to join group, but then being afraid. What if it doesn’t help, I don’t want Chuck to know I’m joining? Just feeling do I really want to do that? because I felt like if I go through that door, I can’t go back. Anne: Can we talk about that for a minute? because a lot of women have told me that. I followed you on Instagram, or I listened to the podcast, and I didn’t start attending group sessions because I knew it would change everything. What is it about BTR that is different in that way? It’s different than maybe therapy or something. Is it because you’re going to finally get help to look at it. Seeing the signs of a toxic relationship can be scary at first. Iris: This can make me cry. I think, because no one had helped. So I think there was an element of, I could try this and probably it’s still not going to help. By that point, looking for help for so long and thinking, I don’t know that anything will help. then being so vulnerable and beaten down. I think there’s a sense of like, does anybody really want to help me? Do I deserve help? because it certainly seems like it’s my fault. So being very afraid to join a group. Like it’s terrifying the first day. BTR FELT LIKE AN ANSWER TO PRAYER Anne: Once you did attend a group session? Were you surprised at what happened? Iris: Yeah, the first day I joined, you hear that zoom beep and you are in group and feeling so afraid. But I was so welcome. it was like I could take a breath, even though really I was crying so hard. Hearing everybody talk, hearing the coaches talk, feeling like the words made sense. I didn’t share that first time, but just crying afterwards. Like there’s somewhere that gets this. There’s somewhere where there are other women who understand this. I’ve never met anybody who knows what’s happening to me. In my story, something that’s amazing was that when my daughter was a baby, there was this show on daytime TV called Starting Over House. It was a reality show for women to go to this house and start over. They had two coaches, and I remember watching these women go, and they had all different kinds of problems that they were trying to grow from or whatever. All I wanted was to take my baby and join that house. It was a reality show. I’m sure it would not have been really super helpful. But I just wanted to have people love on me and help me figure out my marriage. That’s all I wanted. So when I came to Betrayal Trauma Recovery group, I’m not kidding you, two of the coaches looked like those two coaches on that show. It just felt like it was a prayer answer. HIS ANGER WAS THERE ALL THE TIME Iris: So Sharon and Renee, two coaches loved on me and made me feel like I wasn’t crazy. And helped me to slowly unravel what had been happening and what had happened to me, and find my voice. I joined in the spring, I was already starting to take steps in my marriage to not engage with Chuck. By July, he was angry with me all of the time. Which I’ll come back to in just a minute. But , before I had joined, he had done some really angry driving in the car. He’d been angry one day when I had locked the door to the master bedroom, because I like to pray and meditate. And then I had gotten in the shower without unlocking it. Because I just want privacy from two kids, a dog and a Chuck. He banged on the door for as long as I was in the shower, and I could hardly hear him, but it scared the pants off of my kids. I felt like I didn’t know what to do. When I joined group, I finally started to have some strategies and observe him. Sometimes I forget all the things that happened. Right before I joined in February, he bought a new car and asked for money from his father. Then he came to me and said, “I didn’t spend all the money on the car. I saved some, so either you can go to marriage therapy with me.”, which he’d been threatening, and I didn’t want to go to marriage therapy with him because we’d been many, many times. GROUP HELPED ME SEE THE SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP Iris: He said, “Either you go to marriage therapy with me, and I’ll buy a car for our daughter, or I’m going to divorce you. Not long after that, I ended up joining group. Then he said, “I used that money to file for divorce. I hired an attorney, and how do you want me to serve you your papers?” At that point, I had enough skill to say you can have me served, thank you. And it was super calm. And then I actually jumped in group and was able to just process. One of the things that was so amazing was that everything happening to me in real time, I could then go in a group, get support, be in my closet, my car, or at the library. The more I went towards health and boundaries, the angrier he got. So he actually continued to ask me for two months how I wanted my divorce papers. I can see how divorce and emotional abuse were intertwined, he was using the threat of divorce to try to control me. I would say, “You can have me served.” And he would say, I don’t want to pay $400. He did that until I got a paper in the mail and I thought that I was being served. I didn’t think I could be served in the mail, which you can’t in my state, but it was actually that they were going to kick it out of the system. I took that paper to an attorney, because I had been interviewing attorneys. That kicked off the divorce process. Because I was served. Anne: That whole time he is asking, “How do you want to be served? And you’re like, “Just serve me.” DEALING WITH CONTROL WHEN HE FILED FOR DIVORCE Anne: He's trying to get you to do something to stop the divorce. He threatens you—if you don't toe the line, I'll divorce you. When you’re like, okay, go ahead and divorce me, then he’s escalating. Using all the tricks and signs of a toxic relationship that worked before. He reminds me of my ex, who said that. Then he didn’t file. Because he thought that would instigate me repairing. Or me doing the thing I was supposed to do. And when I didn’t do it, I don’t think he wanted to file for divorce. It’s just that he couldn’t figure out how to control me anymore. He was like, well, I guess I have to make these things happen. And it sounds the same in this scenario, where he’s trying to get you to do something. Because a normal person, if they’re like, how do you want me to serve you? And you say, oh, just serve me. They’d be like, okay. And they would serve you. Iris: Right, it was control. I was so thankful I could go back in group and have the framework, putting my lab coat on, doing one step at a time. Getting shored up so that I wouldn’t be bowled over by his behavior. I finally hired an attorney, and my attorney notified his attorney. Chuck came to me and said, “Well, that’s not fair. You didn’t tell me you had an attorney. And now we both have to decide to dismiss the divorce. I can’t just decide myself.” Anne: Like not to get divorced? After he’s filed, he’s like, wait. Now that you’ve responded to me serving you with divorce papers, we actually have to get divorced. Iris: Right. Anne: That sounds like my Chuck too. INDIVIDUAL SESSIONS HELPED ME GET READY FOR EACH BIG BATTLE Iris: Really, it’s like they’re all going by the same playbook. I think realizing that these are all the signs of a toxic relationship was huge. And it allowed me to understand that my job was to be strategic. Chuck does a lot of stupid as a strategy. That attorney he hired in July, by the time our status conference was in October, he’d used all of his retainer. Which was $5,000, and nothing had happened yet. Because he is a Chuck and likes to call his attorney to talk. So then right after the status conference, he fired the attorney and then went pro se for a while. I was so thankful that I had BTR, that I could do group. I could do the Betrayal Trauma Recovery individual sessions to get ready for each big barrier or battle with him, so that I went in calm and focused. It really allowed me, in my divorce process to understand that this was the best thing for me. Even though he was trying to control me. It was finally the door out. And he kept coming back to me and asking, “Do you really want a divorce?” And I would say, “You could move out.” But he never would. One of the other things was that understanding that there was going to be so much out of my control and really focusing on what was in my control. In my coaching sessions with Renee and with Sharon, being able to determine what my top priorities were. My priorities weren’t numbers. My priorities were big picture. And then I said, these are the things that are most important and this is what I want to work towards. And it helped me. I feel like things worked out well for me. WE SETTLED AN HOUR BEFORE COURT Iris: So having enough money to restart and go back to school. Having stability for my kids, not selling the house immediately so that my daughter could finish high school. Like those were the big picture things. And because Chuck just wants to fight, it was the 11th hour literally. He hired an attorney again, just weeks before our divorce was final. But we ended up settling like an hour before court. I was able just to hang on, to understand it was going to be like that no matter what I did. Like I didn’t have any control over him, and I really got up that morning not knowing what was going to happen. And being at peace in that, and that I was doing all the things that I needed to do, and to let go of that so that I wasn’t in a battle with him. That was incredibly powerful. Hard but powerful. So it’s been final for two years. And the post separation abuse continues, and BTR’s been incredibly helpful in that. I was able to stay in our marital home for a year till our daughter graduated, and then last year that sold. So I moved out and things just lined up. In part because he was so disorganized. I think that worked out in my favor. And I’m now in school finishing a post Master’s certificate in school counseling. And I got hired last fall as a school counselor. So I’m working full-time as a school counselor while finishing my certificate. Just having somewhere to work out the technical stuff and then the emotional stuff, to understand how to be strategic. RESTARTING MY LIFE Iris: Because I could stay in that place rather than be in his blender. Which is what it was for 18 years. I have been able to restart my life and feel so grateful and fortunate. That I’ve had the support, and he continues to be abusive. And my daughter now is 19 and my son is 17. And so being able to talk about that and how he behaves helped me. I know that at some point, I won’t have to interact with him as much. Or at all once my kids are bigger. But because of the type of abuser he is, because of the types of things he did to me, I know that I am at greater risk of him being dangerous to me physically. And so being able to unpack that, but also, understanding that I have a right to safety and that I can take steps to do that and not feel bad about it. He’s much sneakier now. He’s incredibly angry with me and feels like the divorce was unfair. Because his goal is control, he can’t control me anymore, I think is one reason why he’s angry. It is palpable when I’m around him. He seethes at me. Other people may not be able to see it because he’ll mask it until there’s nobody around. But I think it has been invaluable to me to have a community where I can process that and then take steps to be safe from all the signs of a toxic relationship. When I finally blocked him, which was scary to do, because we have two kids. And that was easier to be able to text and call. It was just another vector for him to get to me. BLOCKING HIM FELT SO EMPOWERING Iris: So blocking him and doing email only. It felt so empowering to make that decision and be able to unpack that in group and also get the support of “Yay, you finally blocked him.” Like I’d been talking about it for so long. And trying to figure out the signs of a toxic relationship, There are the big steps to leave abuse and there are smaller ones too. Sometimes it’s the little ones that felt really hard. Especially because then my kids would know that I blocked him. Moving away from abuse is hard. I left the house today because I have somebody cleaning my house, which I started hiring somebody. So that I can do all that I’m doing. because I’ve been in school and working full-time and parenting two teens, and it feels so empowering. When they walked in today, I was thinking, because I was coming to talk to you and I was like, they’re helping me leave abuse. And I can say that to you. I think you know that. But he was abusive with cleaning. He would wake me. He likes things clean. He’d wake the kids cleaning and it’s very controlling. But to have a clean house and not be abused, it’s hard to express. This is my safe space, and I get to decide how it gets clean. I get to decide how to spend my money. I get to make choices now that I couldn’t make before. I’m just so incredibly grateful that BTR, I can make choices and know that I can. Thank you. LEARNING THE STRATEGIES IS INVALUABLE Anne: You are so brave and so strong. Look at you. You’ve got a good job. You have enough money to be able to hire someone to help clean your house, and the lack of guilt. Because some people have the money, but they’re like, I still can’t. I should be able to, no, like look at all the amazing things that you’ve accomplished. When it comes to divorce, if people ask me my situation, I say I am proudly divorced. I am so happy divorced. And I also say things like abuse doesn’t work out for a lot of people, but it worked out so well for me. Because everything that I have gained from learning about the signs of a toxic relationship and the strategies of protecting myself, has been invaluable. Like our confidence just grows day by day. That little voice in our heads and that little like charge that feels like I’m doing something wrong or I can’t do this or I can’t do that just starts to fade away. And life feels so free and wonderful. I’m so happy for you. It’s wonderful. Good job. Iris: Thank you, thank you for starting BTR and your podcasts were such a beacon for me too. Before I started group of these voices saying, “You’re not alone, you’re not crazy.” Listening to your voice, I still probably need to hear that a lot, because he makes me feel crazy. So thank you. Anne: Well, thank you, without women like you who listen and come and use our services, we wouldn’t be here. So thank you. Our services are incredible. Our team is incredible. It’s such a safe place. THE DIFFERENCE WITH BTR SERVICES Anne: I’ve been thinking a lot about the difference between BTR and the difference in our services is that it’s so real. You really have women you can see who know your story. You can talk to them every single day in person . And they’re never going to blame you or judge you. It’s never going to be that you made some kind of soul contract, like the weird stuff that you might hear from people who somehow try to blame you. I’m like, there’s no reason to ever say any of it had anything to do with you. because you were surviving the best you could the whole time, and you were going for help, and no one gave you the right information. And none of that has anything to do with you. They are helping you deal with the signs of a toxic relationship. That’s the crazy thing about abuse. You’re doing every single thing right and you still can’t get the right information. Despite you trying to get it for years. Some people don’t believe it, because they can’t imagine that would happen. But it happens every day with so many women all over the world. Anyway, thank you for your support of BTR. Iris: It is really such a privilege to be in this community. I felt, loved on and prayed for fiercely. BTR GIVES US THE STRATEGIES THAT WE NEED Iris: I remember when I first started. I thought they’re giving us the weapons that we need to fight the battle. Almost under the cover of darkness. They sort of come into our homes, our cars, our closets, and give us the weapons we need to fight the evil that is happening to all of us. Like all of a sudden realizing the support, but also the education that BTR does, is invaluable, to help us recognize and deal with the signs of a toxic relationship. I could get out of my reactive brain and really start to think, “Oh, this is what’s happening. Okay, this is what I can do. Chuck is doing this. This is what I’ve always done, but I don’t have to do that. I can do this.” It changed everything. Anne: Well, I am so glad, thank you so much, Iris, for taking the time to share your story with me today. Iris: Thank you.

Why does life feel boring after you leave a toxic or narcissistic relationship? In this video, I break down why peace can feel unsettling, empty, or even wrong after years of living in chaos. If you've escaped a narcissist but find yourself craving drama, missing the highs and lows, or feeling like something is missing, this is for you.I explain the psychology behind why your nervous system got wired for chaos, how trauma bonding rewires what feels "normal," and why quiet moments can feel uncomfortable instead of peaceful. More importantly, I share practical steps to rewire your brain so silence starts to feel like freedom, not emptiness.This is part of the healing journey that nobody talks about, the stage where you're out, but you don't feel all the way free yet. Let's change that.All my links - https://link.me/mentalhealness