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Christian College Sex Comedy: Part 12 Heaven s clock is ticking In 30 parts, By FinalStand. Listen to the podcast at Explicit Novels.             There is no firestorm without a spark, no ocean without a raindrop         I opened the door and there stood Christina, looking pretty depressed. "Do you want to come in?" I asked. "I know you have company," she replied. "Can we talk outside?" It wasn't too chilly but I wasn't wearing too much either. "Of course," I walked onto the porch, leaving the door mostly closed behind me. "What's wrong?" "I've worked things out with Faith and the other girls," Christina paced nervously. "We are all going to keep quiet about what you learned and see how we can turn this to our advantage." I didn't say anything because she hadn't come to tell me the news of what had been the obvious move on her part so I was left wondering what was going on, then I saw it. I opened my arms to the side, palms forward, and waited. She saw the move and looked me over with obvious reluctance for what would come next. Finally, she stepped up to me and rested her forehead on my shoulder and let me encase her in my arms. It sucks to be alone, but it truly sucks being alone and being the one in charge even more. "God, Zane, I fucked up. I could have ruined Heaven's life," she sighed. "The others trusted me and I let them down." "You are not doing Heaven any favors by being paralyzed with doubt," I told her. "You had no idea who you were up against and even if you had, you would still have weighed what was best for Heaven against the risks and pretty much acted in the same manner." "You don't understand Heaven," Christina said. "You don't understand her home life." "Her home life is not my concern, Christina," I pointed out. "The Heaven here and now is my concern, though, and it is the concern of several more friends she's made since coming to this school, friends she wouldn't have if she stayed in a hole." "What if I fuck up again?" she worried. "So many girls are depending on me to keep the Chancellor at bay." "I fuck up all the time and I'm still here," I countered. "I know what you mean, though. Sometimes when these girls look at me like they expect me to have all the answers and I've got nothing, I want to run and hide." "We don't have that luxury. We chose to stand up and now we must carry on in our struggle. I don't know about you, but I wasn't raised to quit," I related to her. "I made a mistake, Zane. I don't make mistakes," she declared. "I'm confused; have we lost?" I questioned her. "No," she grumbled, "and that is not what I meant. I brought Faith in, I misread her, and we all suffered because of it. I was deceived." "Well, someone should remind Christina Buchanan from time to time that she's human, and a pretty smart woman at that," I replied. "You don't have to win every battle, only the last one." "That is what my grandfather said," she mumbled into my shoulder. "He sounds like a clever guy," I said softly. "He should go far someday." Since he was one of the richest men in America, I was probably right. "You can be a real jerk at times," she muttered, but I noted she wasn't moving. "I have to agree with you," I said, as I got up on my tiptoes and kissed her on the top of the head. I leaned back and tilted her head to me with a finger under her chin. "Christina Buchanan, would you marry me?" No one said anything for a minute. "Can I think about it?" she finally whispered. "Of course," I assured her. "How could I be in love with you if I couldn't wait for you?" "How can you love me when you don't even know me?" she asked. "That's why it is love and not like," I answered. "There are times you really piss me off but there is never a moment I don't want to be with you." "You don't like me?" Christina studied me. "Right now I like you just fine, but you can be a real pain at times. See, I know what's right and you refuse to know your place," I responded. "And what place is that?" she smiled. "Above me, smiling down," I leaned in for a kiss. "No," she shook her head. "No?" I pleaded. "We have a long way to go before I let you treat me like another one of your girls," Christina informed me. "Okay," I agreed. "No hard sell in my emotionally vulnerable state?" she mused. "You are safe with me, Christina," I assured her. "That's good to know, Zane. Now go inside before Rio blows a gasket," she smiled, slipped out of my arms, and walked toward her car. I still soaked up the marvel of her receding silhouette. Rio was leaning against the wall just inside the hallway when I got back in. "I don't get the two of you," she grinned. "I love her," was my only response. "That's good, because she's fucking nuts about you," Rio laughed. I couldn't decide whether she was kidding or not. Later, we lay together in bed, Rio partially over me where she alternated between listening to my heartbeat and kissing my shoulder. She also had a hand between her legs and was doing some serious vaginal stimulation. "Zane." "Yes?" I replied. "I had an abortion," she confided in me. "Oh, okay," was all I could manage to come back with. "'Oh.' Is that it?" she sounded a bit hurt. "I figure there is more to the story than you had an abortion. So are you going to tell me what it is?" I inquired. She mulled that over for a few seconds. "I did some really stupid shit, like getting shit-faced drunk at some parties with people I barely knew, and pretty much got used like a whore. I didn't really care, and eventually I got knocked up," she told me. "My parents, the big Pro-Lifers that they were, smuggled me out of state to a private clinic and aborted the kid. They never asked my opinion on the matter but I imagine that having a pregnant daughter who couldn't even name the father wasn't on their agenda," she recited bitterly. I wrapped an arm around her, rolled over on her, and kissed her gently on the lips. "I don't know what to say," I began. "I can't imagine what it was like to go through that." "Huh," Rio snorted. "My parents slapped me with anti-depressants and an implant, my 'friends' told me it was for the best, not being teen Mom material and all, and I treated myself like a whore." "Hell, I sucked and fucked the entire lawn crew once; I fucked my little brother's friends; and I became known as the girl who would ride bareback at my school. It is a miracle I didn't contract herpes or AIDS," she recited sadly. "I think I hated just about everybody." "You know that none of that matters to me; right?" I asked. "You are still that woman I woke up next to on day one." "To the bitter end," she recited. "To the bitter end," I affirmed, my promise to stand by her no matter what. "Why couldn't you be in love with me?" she sighed. "You are asking an eighteen-year-old how this love thing works?" I teased her. "I've been lucky enough to meet five women in the past two weeks I'd like to spend forever with, and I love the one I'm least likely to end up with. I'm clueless." "Me, Iona, Barbie Lynn, Christina and Heaven?" Rio guessed. I nodded, which made her snicker. "You really want to spend forever with Heaven? You are a glutton for punishment." "Heaven can be really nice," I defended my girlfriend. "She's got a permanent case of PMS. Hell knows what would happen if she actually had PMS," Rio teased me back. "So you don't want to spend any more time with her?" I inquired. "Fuck that," Rio giggled, "I like them brave, bold, and saucy in the saddle. I'd love breaking her down, or having her break me trying." "Fine," I announced after a moment's contemplation. "Fine?" she asked. "I'm not going to break my word to Jill but I can't wait to fuck you until we get back to campus, so how would you like to screw on Pastor Bill's desk before Sunday school?" I suggested. "I'd love to leave a little something extra on that gold-plated conman's desk," Rio purred. "Now, Zane, do you think you could bend the rules ever so slightly and finger-fuck me? I'm ever so horny," Rio pleaded. I figured it couldn't hurt too much; right? I rubbed and rubbed one hand down to her crotch where Rio had already pulled her soaked panties down to mid-thigh. With my other hand, I pushed up her top, exposing her ripe nipples, chain and all. I plucked a nipple into my mouth, letting my tongue play along the stud before sucking in more of the breast, increasing the pressure on the nipple itself. Rio was well worked up already and now began to writhe beneath me. My free hand passed below her carefully groomed chevron-shaped pubic mound and along her clit. Her folds welcomed me like molten gold, so hot yet silky smooth to the touch. As she started to moan, Rio stuck the meat of her palm into her mouth and bit down in order to keep quiet. I spent a minute playing with her two studs in her labia before working two fingers deep inside her, twisting them, and seeking out her G-spot. "Gak!" Rio convulsed as I stroked it. Oh, yeah, I thought, as I began to seriously work it over. Rio's fluids were sloshing around my fingers, her other hand began pressing my whole mouth over her breast, and she kept bucking up against me. I now began to alternate between rhythmically tapping her special place and brutally finger fucking her, driving two fingers in and slapping her clit with my palm. "Uh, uh, uh, ugh, ugh, umm," Rio began panting, then her body arched and she screamed into her clenched fist. "Oh, fuck, that's good," she finally managed to get out. Before I could respond, she grabbed my head and drew me up for a fierce kiss. She tore at my lips and tried to steal my breath away. "Tell me you want me," she pleaded with a desperate hunger tinged with fear. "I want you, Rio, always," I responded with my own heat and need. Slowly the passion ebbed from Rio's eyes and a playful demeanor replaced it. "You are such a dumb blonde, Glenda," she sighed happily. Glenda had been the name that had allowed me admission to school in the first place, Glenn Zane Braxton, Glenda. I answered by pulling my fingers out of her cunt, taking a lick, then pushing them through her lips. Rio daintily sucked on them, pulling them in and cleaning them off before biting down like the little bitch she is and making tears come to my eyes. "What the fuck!" I hissed. "That's for not giving me your cock, Asshole," she snickered. When I looked ready to explode, she pouted her lips, rolled onto her stomach and stuck her bare ass up in the air for a spanking. I grunted and rolled over onto my side, away from her. "Good night, you witch," I sulked. There was some rustling behind me a minute later, then Rio snaked an arm around me and pressed her body to my back. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I act crazy at times." I rolled over to face her. "I know what I'm getting into, Rio," I comforted her. "That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt at times." I displayed my wounded fingers. She kissed my fingers, I kissed her lips, and we both finally went to sleep. Preacher William, Valerie, and the seeds of discord. Jill didn't know what to make of our prompt appearance Sunday morning for breakfast already dressed for church. I'd convinced Rio to not try a hard sell with my aunt, instead playing it calm, cool, and collected. The real reason we wanted to get to church early was because I'd come up with the idea of screwing Rio on Pastor Bill's massive mahogany desk before class and she'd become infatuated with the scheme. Gaining Definition We had to remember our Bibles before eagerly heading out the door. Mine went back to my missionary days while Rio's was brand new, a gift from Jill. She'd lost her old one on the trip from Arizona to Virginia, or so she'd told Jill. In reality, she had torn hers apart page by page and stuffed it down the airplane toilet during the flight, her way of spreading the gospel. Once at the church, we split up, Rio and I getting together a few minutes later. I was unsure about the security cameras in the hallway but Rio shrugged it off. She followed the wires to the closet the system was kept in, picked the lock, and deleted the last two hours of footage before deactivating the whole system. I was clever enough to wipe off all our fingerprints before we made for the pastor's office. This time, Rio's improvised, lock picks weren't necessary as the secretary kept the door unlocked. We slipped past her station to the larger office beyond and I chased Rio around to the 'big chair'. "So, Bad Boy, are you going to make me a Bad Girl?" Rio taunted me. I stepped up between her thighs and got ready to feast on her succulent cunt lips when she held me up. "I don't think we have time for that," Rio grinned. She slipped out of her panties, which I quickly pocketed (having learned from the first Barbie Lynn incident), and hopped up on the desk facing me. I unbuckled my belt, fixed the button, and unzipped my pants. My cock came smoothly out of my boxers and I lined up with Rio's slit. Her juices were already flowing by the time my cockhead graced her full lips. "Oh, that's what I've been looking for," Rio moaned, as I pushed forward inch after glorious inch inside her. She wrapped her arms around my neck and came close to doing the same with her legs around my waist by the time I was fully into her. I got a few half-thrusts into Rio, our faces only inches apart, when I began to push her back down on the desk. "No, I want to look into your eyes," she told me. I nodded and started driving my cock in a strong steady rhythm. "Rio," I said softly. "Yes," she breathed heavily. "I like saying your name," I explained. "I like the sound of it and the way it makes me feel." "I, I was sure she was fighting for a snarky reply but then she smiled and said, "Okay." "Oh. God, Oh, Fuck," Rio gasped, as we began, getting her close to climax. I stopped when I first heard the voices. "What?" Rio panted. I pulled her off the desk and looked for a place to hide. There were three other doors out of the room. I took the closest, yanked up my pants, and dragged Rio to it. It turned out to be a large closet with vestments, coats, and a few changes of clothing inside. Before I could finish shutting the door, Rio put her hand in the way. Before I could inquire why, the main office door opened and in came Pastor Bill and Lance Wellington. They were yammering on about something or other; I really wasn't paying attention. All that changed after Pastor Bill took his seat behind the desk and swiveled it to the side. Lance came around the desk and knelt before our spiritual leader. His body blocked my visual but I heard a zipper being undone and some clothes being pushed aside. What Lance proceeded to do was clear enough, though. Rio was between me and the door; she looked over her shoulder and grinned evilly. Before long, she had my cock in her hand and was maneuvering it back to her cunt from behind. I moved my hips down, she arched up, and I slipped back into the hole I'd been in not a minute before. I stayed still while Rio began to ride my cock up and down. There we were, two very different couples separated by less than a dozen feet, both fucking in different ways. Lance was giving Pastor Bill oral attention in a manner that dictated long familiarity to not only cock-sucking, but blowing Pastor Bill in particular. Rio had one hand placed against the door sill in order to stop us from spilling out of the closet while the other was tucked against her stomach. The four of us were pushing toward climax but Pastor Bill was the first one to the trigger. I was still feeling the oily smoothness of my cock inside Rio's cunt while rubbing both breasts through her shirt and bra when Lance began chocking and sputtering. The bastard hadn't even warned Lance that he was cumming. Good ole Pastor Bill reached across the desk to grab two Kleenex. As he did so, his other hand came down to rest on a slick spot Rio and I had left on his desk. He looked at his hand with disgust and wiped it off his hand before handing a tissue to Lance. "Get going to class," Pastor Bill told his cock-sucking companion. "Of course, Pastor William," Lance responded as he cleaned his face. As he headed to the door, he turned to the preacher. "Do I have to do another marriage counseling session with Felicity? She is so damn annoying," he whined. "Lance, you are going to have to keep up appearances and that means spending the occasional night with her," Pastor Bill lectured him. "As distasteful as she is, she is the socially acceptable choice for your spouse if you plan to have a political career." "I wish this whole marriage thing was over with already," Lance sighed. "Then I could stick her in the house and get her out of my life." "Remember, a woman is a duty, but you know how to get your pleasure. Take your pill when you have to lay with her, and if nothing else, use her back door," he chuckled. "I suppose so," Lance conceded, "but I'll have to shut her up. She blathers on and on incessantly and her voice is so grating." "Well," Pastor Bill laughed, "you can always use her mouth too." Lance snorted and left the room; Bill followed a minute later. For our part, the whole exchange between Pastor Bill and Lance got Rio hotter and hotter. She was rocketing back against me until I was afraid the slapping of our flesh would alert our host to our presence. Once he was gone, Rio went off. "Fuck me, damn it," Rio exulted. "I'm going to rape their asses." I wasn't sure how that would work. It wasn't like Rio's or my word would go all that far. I decided to spin her back around and kick her leg up over my arm so I could fuck her while gazing into her eyes. The first thing I noticed was the sheer joy etched all over her face. The second thing I noted was her phone in hand, set on record. There was going to be some severe damage over this and I had to do damage control, but first I had to screw Rio to orgasm. "Ah, ah, ah," Rio moaned. "You are churning me up inside, you fucking brute. This is so fucking good." "And the video?" I inquired. "Fucking brilliant," she panted, "My best idea yet." I drilled Rio several more strong strokes and she gripped me tightly and sexually exploded on me. She kept squeezing my cock with her vaginal muscles as I came in her as she was still cresting her wave. "Oh, Zane," she wept tears of joy on my shoulder, "You make all this other shit bearable." "No problem, bro," I sighed happily, "but we need to talk about the video." "Yeah," she snorted, "you have a plan. I'm going to bypass me having a temper-tantrum and get straight to you making me happy with how clever you are." "We find more ways to bring Felicity over to our side, then hit her with this when she's wavering," I detailed. "We still need credibility and that's going to take Barbie Lynn on our side. Once we get Felicity, we can get Mrs. Wellington too. That gives us access to everyone in the church." I set Rio onto her feet and handed her panties too her. Rio shimmied into them and grinned. "Now I'm all sloshy inside. Is that thing a damn fire hydrant?" "You weren't complaining a minute ago," I countered. "I'm not complaining, but all those bitches in class are going to know I've been fucked," she snickered. "Who are you going to blame?" I wondered. "Pastor William, our glorious shepherd; I can describe just what his cock looks like now," she grinned manically. "I think we are back to that whole 'credibility' issue," I reminded her. "You aren't going to let me have any fun," Rio pouted. "Well, work on this; I'm pretty sure Lance isn't the only guy here that the pastor is using. Lance was a tool, nothing more," I told her. "It could be fun to find out who his other toys are." "I hate you for having a better idea than me," Rio giggled, "but I love your deviant mind more." "I love you too, Baby," I said as I brushed her cheek. "Let's get to class before they get to ridicule us for arriving late." Rio grabbed my hand and sprinted with me out of the office. We were late to class but only just. This time I'd studied so Mr. Coleman wasn't able to humiliate me, though some wise-ass taunted me about being on a women's committee. "Yes, I do," I confirmed, "and what committee are you on?" "Athletics committee," he sneered. I gave him a shit-eating grin right back that gave him pause. "So I hang out with a bunch of MILF's, which is a pretty red-blooded American male thing to do, while you hang out with a bunch of guys, which is pretty homo-erotic," I chuckled. There was a deafening silence in the room. We had broken up for church service and a few guys were almost out the door. The target of my aggression was first stunned, then angry. "Mr. Braxton, that is quite enough out of you," Mr. Coleman snapped. "I'm sorry about that, Mr. Coleman. I thought he was ribbing me about my committee so I teased him back about his; I wasn't serious," I lied. Andy, the guy who'd given me a hard time, elected that moment to get in my face. "That wasn't funny, Braxton," he snapped. Mr. Coleman remained conspicuously silent. "Gosh, Andy," I quipped, "I don't know where to begin. How about, we are in a House of God and shouldn't be raising a fist against one another." "If that doesn't work, do understand that you get the first punch, then I break you like a twig," I continued with eagerness written all over my face. "You are an elementary school teacher and I have years of martial arts experience." Andy suddenly paled. "Mr. Braxton," Coleman growled again. "How dare you threaten somebody?" "Um, Mr. Coleman, Andy got in my face, so what exactly are you getting on my case about? Wouldn't the situation be better served if you stopped him in the first place?" I said. "Andy should be able to take a joke better," another guy in my class, Christopher Gilbert, joined in. "Besides, Zane's right; the wives on the committee are attractive and their husbands are lucky men." That seemed to end the matter because Chris Gilbert was the son of somebody and carried weight in this crowd. We continued to depart but I felt obliged to stop Chris. "Thanks, but I'm not sure why you just backed me up there," I questioned. "Maybe you're not such a bad guy," he grinned. I had to think that over. I barely knew Christopher Gilbert. He was 23, son of a big real estate guy, he was a property manager, whatever that was. "I have to appreciate the timing of your epiphany," I joked. "It came to me late Thursday night when I had a security issue at one of my properties," he grinned. Oh, crap. His daddy must own the mall where I had that little altercation. "Sorry if I cost you a good night's sleep," was all I could say. "Let me say that, 'damn, you're fast,' and it would have been mean of me to let Andy get his ass handed to him in front of all his friends," Chris related. "He's really not a bad guy either." "I'll keep that in mind," I nodded. We were making our way to the church hall when Rio, Iona, and Barbie Lynn intercepted us. "Hey, Ms. Masters," Chris said to Barbie Lynn. He looked at the other two girls. "Christopher Gilbert, this is Rio Talon and Iona Becket, two of my classmates and closest friends," I introduced my buddies. "So, Chris, how do you know Barbie-licious?" Rio smirked. "Huh?" Chris said. "Rio has an intense sense of humor, Chris," I intervened. "Pay her no mind." Before Rio cold make things worse, I placed an arm behind her and pinched her ass. "Behave," I warned her. "Okay, Zane," Chris chuckled. "Good luck with that one. To answer your question: I know Ms. Masters from a few years back at a youth retreat. We were both counselors. Take care now." He turned and walked off to his section of the tabernacle while the girls and I went off to ours. "So, Barbie, were you hot for Chris back at camp?" Rio persisted. "Chris? Nah, he had a girlfriend back then; they both went to the University of Virginia. I think they broke up right before they graduated but I'm not sure," Barbie Lynn informed us. "Besides, I had a fianc too." "Had? Have you tossed him over for Zane?" Rio teased. I sighed and Barbie Lynn blushed. "Nah, Shugah, I tossed him over for you," Barbie Lynn whispered into Rio's ear. "Just for that tantalizing tease, no Honey Glaze for those hot crossed buns of yours," Rio bantered right back. "Am I the only one who remembers we are in a church?" lectured Iona. "No, you are not," Christina surprised us. "Now stop trying to make a scene and sit down with the rest of us." We dutifully obeyed because three of us respected Christina and I had one of Rio's arms twisted behind her back. At the end of service there was no problem getting the gang to go down to the space between the pews and the podium where the important people gathered. I caught Pastor William shooting me a hooded look but I blew him off. I was here for someone else, as was Barbie Lynn and Rio. Iona was tagging along to make sure we kept out of too much trouble. "Hey, Sahara," I greeted the pastor's wife, who hovered near but wasn't part of the action. "Why, hello, Zane," she smiled. "Did you enjoy the service?" "I'm still a little fuzzy on the message of seeking wisdom in God's word instead of Man's technology," I grinned. "After all, I have an app that gives me helpful Bible verses on demand." "I think you missed the point, Zane," she shook her head with mirth. "We need to trust the Word of God over the simple technological solutions that fail to take in the moral implications of the results." "Wow, when you say it that way, it makes sense," I applauded. Sahara blushed and gave me another smile. Rio and Barbie Lynn had closed in on Felicity, allowing Iona and I to come up behind Mrs. Wellington. I put my hand on the small of her back and positioned myself at her side. "Hello, Mrs. Wellington," I greeted her. I knew her first look at me would define a lot about how she felt about last night. "Zane," she beamed at me. "How are you doing today?" "Better now," I grinned. "I just wanted to say that I'm downloading those files we discussed when I get to campus this afternoon." "Oh," Mrs. Bainbridge sneered, "is Mr. Braxton working on a special project already?" "Zane," Rochelle Wellington smiled to her rival sweetly, "send Kendra a copy of the notes you showed me. Kendra, Zane has a talent for 3-D imagery that the committee will find quite useful. I thought you might find it nice to have our newest member showing some interest." "Oh, it is his interest that I'm worried about," Kendra commented, with a pretty obvious look toward Sahara. Before I could respond to that jab, I felt a hand on my shoulder trying to pull me around. "Pastor William wants a word with you," Lance informed me. "Okay," I shrugged, then turned back to Kendra. "Mrs. Bainbridge, I admit that it is my fault that I find Mrs. Penny to be kinder, more compassionate, and more spiritually understanding than you. She is a gentle soul who better relates to what a young man needs." "Pastor William wants to see you now," Lance insisted. "That's nice, Lance. I'm talking to your mother," I said dismissively. "Rochelle, thank you for agreeing to mentor me; I appreciate you helping me understand this Church and this community by taking some of your valuable time to listen to my ideas." "Ladies, have a nice Sunday. Okay, Lance, let's go see what Pastor Bill wants now," I told him. "His name is Pastor William," Lance corrected me somewhat angrily. "No, his name is William Penny and he happens to be a pastor," I jibed. Lance's response was stymied by our arrival at Pastor Bill's circle of cronies. "Ah, Glenn," Bill greeted me. "I would like to invite you to dine with my wife and I tomorrow night." I was smart enough to know that wasn't really an invitation, but still, "I'd like to but this week is our first round of testing for the semester so I'm not sure I can break free," I answered. "You find time enough for other things, like jail," he lectured me in a personally degrading matter. "Pastor William, as you will learn about me, people who cross me or threaten the ones I hold dear, I beat bloody and leave broken on the ground," I smiled evilly right back. The confusion that threat caused was evident because I hadn't been quiet. "Jesus loves the Peacemaker," Pastor Bill bantered back. "Winners write the history books," I countered. "That is not very Christian of you," Mr. Wellington, the Mayor, pointed out. "Jesus Christ ended up nailed to a cross; Emperor Constantine, who converted the whole Roman Empire to Christ's worship, got to build his own city," I responded. "I won't be as famous but I'll do more and get to bury my enemies before I die," I added. "Are you sure you were a missionary in Thailand?" another church elder asked. "Oh, I was a missionary all right, but not a very good one. I left the hard work to my Uncle Tim and Aunt Jill," I informed them. "Did they convert many heathen souls to the World of our Lord?" a third man inquired. "It is not that simple. They taught people to read English and got them in the practice of reading the Bible," I explained. "They have over a thousand years of culture to work against and many of the tenents of Buddhism are close to our own Christian virtues so it is hard work." "So that would be a 'No'," Pastor Bill gloated. "Really?" I grinned. "When Uncle Tim went missing, 200 of his flock risked floodwaters in an eventually futile effort to save him. How many of us would risk drowning to save you, Pastor William? I would say that when lives were on the line, his flock did their Christian duty." I noticed Jill standing on the edge of the group listening, her eyes close to tears. Hey, I hated Tim, but I wasn't going to let these spineless bastards degrade the man in front of his widow, no matter how I felt. "I'm sure we would all rise to the challenge," Mr. Wellington pontificated. "Then you are as good a man as Uncle Tim," I trapped him with his own words. "Your Uncle Tim gave everything, including his life," Pastor Bill said with a smug, superior smile. "His willingness to give should be an example for all." "I'm already giving. The Festivities Committee's budget seems a bit anemic so I'm going to be funding some of their efforts," I enlightened him. "That is not how tithes are normally handled," Pastor Bill corrected me. "I'm not a normal guy," I grinned. "Pastor, I'll look over my schedule and call your house to let you know if I can swing dinner tomorrow. It has been a wonderful chat but I have to be going now." I turned and left them there, confident I hadn't made any friends among Bill's inner circle. The price of their friendship was way more than I was willing to pay and it wasn't just monetary. My girls swarmed around me, even Jill. "Thank you, Zane," Jill said softly. "Tim would have been proud." "Jill, I said that for you, not him. You stood by him and that shouldn't be trampled on by people who don't know any better," I comforted her. "I was getting ready to cry out 'Blood and Souls for my Lord Arioch," Rio grinned. "Why did you antagonize them?" Iona wondered. "They are used to bullying people and getting their way. I let them know I was more than willing to fight," I told Iona. "He also wanted the women to see what he was doing," Barbie Lynn said. "I saw a few females, Felicity included, who thought a great deal of how Zane handled the situation." "Girls love watching men fight over them," Rio laughed as we exited into the parking lot. "Is everyone coming to our place for lunch?" Jill asked. I took a quick look around the girls who nodded their approval. "Sure thing, Jill; we will be at home in an hour," I answered. Getting back to campus and into casual clothes wasn't a problem, nor was lunch with Jill. We sat around and shot the shit for an hour afterwards but school work demanded that we head back to school to do some actual classwork. I went by Raven's to pick her up because she'd left me a text (by way of Iona) that she'd made some progress over the weekend. "We really should study in the library," Raven told me as we headed to my room. "The last time I checked, the library didn't have a snack bar," I told her. Raven was less than convinced and a bit nervous until we opened the door to the bottom of the steps leading to the Solarium where I lived and the voices of multiple girls welcomed us. "You have company?" she questioned me. "All freshmen are welcome in my room, Raven. You'll see," I informed her. "Is there going to be anyplace for us to study, Raven began to confound me, then we came to the point where you could see past the side of the stairs into the Solarium. "Oh, God," she muttered at the scope of the room, "you, you have pool tables!" she ended up in a near squeal. "I love pool!" She took a few steps forward into the room before looking back at me. "What is all this? Where did this all come from?" "I was given the entire Solarium as my room, sort of, and I decided to convert most of it to a common area for the freshman class," I said. "How long has this been going on?" she wondered. "We did it yesterday," Iona said from the closest sofa. She put down her laptop and walked over to us. "Zane paid for the stuff and we students put it in. Let me show you around." "You do that, Iona," I told her, as I gave my diminutive friend a hug, "I'll be in my room." Iona led Raven deeper into the complex of entertainment while I headed to my room, which seemed to be the quietest place to study today. I passed around the Chinese silk screens that shielded my private area from the rest of the Solarium and saw my new monster-sized bed. I also saw the tall, honey-blonde Amazon reclining on it, looking my way. "Come here, my Love-Monkey," she said in a deep, husky voice. I'm sure my mouth gaped open. "Ah, I don't believe we've been introduced," I managed to finally say. She smiled and patted the bed beside her. "You are seriously hot and I'm positive I'd remember you if we'd met, but I don't and I do need to study so I'm going to ask you to please leave," I groaned. "Trust me, I really don't want to be asking you that either." I heard laughter from the far side of the bed and Rio slowly raised her body into sight. "Bro, the look on your face is priceless," she chuckled. "So this is really your room?" the other girl inquired. "I told you it was," Rio grinned. "Yes, it is," I responded as well. "In fact, this entire floor is mine, mainly because the Administration has nowhere else to stick me." "Rio, what's going on here?" I turned to my other friend. "Honest, Boss," she beamed, "I found her when I got home. She's my new dorm mate, your replacement." "You were her first roommate?" the newcomer asked. "For all of one night," I confessed. "Then everyone realized she had boobies, and I didn't, and I developed this current life of seclusion." "This is your version of seclusion?" she questioned. "What can I say?" I sighed. "I'm a man of creature comforts. That still doesn't explain you on my bed. Rio?" "She is Valerie Palmer, a new addition to the school," Rio started, "but that's not the cool part. She's a member of the Stormriders motorcycle gang." Seeing my lack of name recognition, Rio added, "They are a big deal in the West, Colorado, Wyoming, New Mexico, Nevada, and Arizona, of course." "Nice to meet you, Valerie." I knelt on the bed and extended my hand. "I'm Glenn Zane Braxton, but everyone calls me Zane. Welcome to FFU, and what brought you to us?" "Dad is a born-again Christian and he wanted me to come here, so here I am," she shrugged. Now, to me that made no sense, as she should have been eighteen, thus her own person, but who was I to press into her personal matters. "Damn it, Zane, I keep forgetting you were living in a cave for the past two years," Rio shook her head. "Her grandfather is Daniel 'Damien' Palmer." Again, I didn't know who that person was. "My grandfather is doing three life sentences," Valerie said with a degree of weariness. "Fine. I should take it the Stormriders are not a motorcycle club, then," I grinned at her. Valerie's eyes and mine locked for several seconds. "Are you arrogant, stupid, or really unconcerned?" Valerie asked me. "A little of all three," Rio chimed in. "You should never ask a man if he's arrogant because if he is, he won't know it," I responded. "I'm smart enough to get into this university, but them I'm dumb enough to be the only guy at this university," I continued. "I can honestly tell you I really don't care who you were before you came here. It is none of my damn business. If you want to be friends, I'm game." Valerie nodded. "Oh, and Rio is a nutjob, but if you hurt her, I'll make you suffer, I swear it." "Is that supposed to scare me, rich boy?" Valerie said, becoming very serious and sitting up, "because I'm not impressed." "I didn't say it to impress you, Valerie," I met her gaze, "I believe in fair warning. I don't care if you are damaged goods or you are one stone-cold, bad-ass bitch; you mess with Rio and I'll take her pain out of your hide." "Rio, I thought you told me this guy was cool," Valerie said to Rio while still looking at me. "Best guy in the whole God-damn world," Rio beamed. "Zane, have you ever stabbed somebody?" Valerie quizzed me. "On purpose or by accident?" I asked. "How do you stab someone by accident?" Valerie wondered. "You toss their ass into a stand of bamboo so hard the stalks break and they get impaled," I answered. "I take it you've done it on purpose." She shrugged. "Do you fight much?" she changed tact. "More than I should," I replied, "but I ass in where I don't belong too much." "Me too," Valerie nodded, "on the 'I fight more than I should' thing." "Well, I would rather talk shit upfront than spill blood later," I pointed out. "Like warning me about Rio," she nodded. "Please believe me, she's a nut and will get on your nerves, so please don't toss her out a window or down the stairs because I'm actually attached to her," I grinned. Rio flopped on the bed. "I should be mouthing empty denials but Zane's pretty much right," Rio snickered, "and if he hadn't fucked me silly on the preacher's desk this morning, I'd be in his face about this bullshit." "You had sex on your preacher's desk?" Valerie smiled. "Zane, what are these girls, what the hell?" Raven went off. "What kind of bedroom is this?" "Raven, you know Rio and this is her new roommate Valerie. Valerie, this is Raven," I groaned. "Hey, Raven," Valerie greeted her. "So do you normally walk into Zane's bedroom too?" "No," Raven blushed. "He invited me over to do some work on our English project." Iona stepped in behind Raven and waved to Rio. "Iona, Valerie; Valerie, Iona," I sighed. "Wait!" Valerie raised her hand and looked back to me. "Are you gay? Because I see a lot of girls strolling into your room and none of them have been identified as your girlfriend yet." "Technically, that would be Heaven," Iona volunteered. "She's a senior." "Can we get back to everyone being in Zane's room?" Raven grumbled. "And what is he doing with a bed as big as my entire room back home?" Valerie appraised the room. "Got it," she laughed. "You are sleeping with her (Iona) and her (Rio), but not you (Raven)." "Of course I'm not sleeping with him," Raven shot back. "I took a Purity Pledge, as should all of you." "I'm not a virgin," Valerie responded. "Me, either," Rio waved. "I am," Iona raised her hand. "That's nice," I directed. "Rio, Valerie, and Iona, please leave. I've invited Raven to my room so we can do actual classwork because I occasionally like to pretend I'm in college for an education." "On it, Zane," Rio snickered. "Come on, Valerie, let's go check out the hot tub. I wanted to show you to Zane so he could put you on his 'To Do' list." Iona shook her head and left. "I've got a boyfriend," Valerie clarified. "Thank God," I muttered, which drew looks from all three women. After Rio and Val left, Raven kept staring at me. "I, does this happen to you often?" she finally asked. "Yes, but I've learned to adjust," I pointed out. We sat down on the bed, Raven pulled out four library books on the period we were looking into, and we began going through them and taking notes. "Is Heaven really your girlfriend?" Raven asked after a while. "Yes, but it is more complicated than that. I love another girl but I don't know if she loves me, and I spend time with a dozen other girls here, plus I have friends at a Sorority House off campus," I explained. "And you sleep with Rio, who isn't a virgin, and Iona, who is," she stated, and I confirmed with a nod. "I was wrong. If you can keep all that straight in your head, you have a good grasp of details. We are going to do fine on this term paper." "Thank you, Raven," I smiled at her, and for a change, she smiled back. Gust Front I would have liked to spend the night with Iona and Barbie Lynn but Iona informed me that Coach Dana Gorman had tested her security code earlier in the day and I figured something was up; nothing good for me and my friends. Sure enough, at 12:10 in the morning, my little buzzer by the bed that informed me that a key code was being entered woke me up. I silenced the alarm (no sense in letting them know that I had it) and waited in bed. Shortly thereafter, the Coach and two female security guards came strolling in. "Alone?" Dana quipped. "You asking me out?" I grinned. "Get up; we need to check the bed, if that is what you call this thing," she motioned to my sleeping platform. I dutifully got out of bed. "What are you doing?" she snapped when she realized I was naked. "Getting out of bed like you asked me to. I sleep in the nude, or didn't you already know that?" I yawned. "Put some clothes on," she ordered. I picked up my robe and put it on while they stripped back my sheets and looked for bodily fluids under the dark light. I had been at my Aunt's the past two nights, so yes, my bed was still fresh. Unsatisfied, Dana and her two buddies began roughly going over my place. When they finally discovered nothing (my hiding places were specifically designed), the two officers turned and left. "I'll be keeping an eye on you, Zane. You can expect this to be a regular occurrence," she promised. I simply stared. We remained looking at one another for a minute because she knew I was up to something. "That's right, step out of line and make my job easier," she noted. Again I kept my silence. It would have been easy to take this personally but I'd told her this was War and I took that seriously. I doubted I was the sole beneficiary of their attention so I had to get ready to respond to their next move. "Nothing to say?" she asked. I kept staring. "Say something, damn it," she growled. "Good night, Coach," I obliged. She shook her head, turned, and walked away. When I saw the door close behind her I went back to my room and took out my phone. I made three calls to the concerned parties and a final call to Iona, to have her wipe my call log. I can't say I slept well that night. Showering in the morning was troublesome enough on normal days but this morning, Rio decided to invite Valerie to join us. I did my best to pretend to ignore her, which wasn't easy. Valerie was around six feet with milky skin where the sun didn't reach and tanned where it did. Her hair was golden-blonde and she was trimmed, not shaved. Her eyes were grey with a hint of blue around the edges; he breasts were a solid C without a hint of sag. There sure were a lot of blondes going to this school. I could see the mental calculations going through her head as she walked in and the other girls eyed her. In the hierarchy of this place, I didn't hold a place; proximity to me showed a girl's status among the crowd. Opal was top dog, but Rio and Iona were marked by their close relationship with me as well. Valerie clearly thought about walking away from it all to spare herself the drama and the grief. She countered that with the knowledge that she had to fit in somewhere in this school, and as non-traditional as she was, her best bet was with us. She answered that internal struggle by taking the shower one down from me, next to Opal. Opal expressed her dominance to Valerie by corralling me into a body massage and a show of mutual affection. I thought Valerie was unimpressed with those actions but as we got into it, I sensed she was intrigued by the notion of having sex without actually having sex, and the sexual arousal that came with it. As I settled in front of the sink to brush my hair, shave, and brush my teeth, Valerie took the sink beside me. "You don't seem to mind all these naked bodies around you," she noted. "Why should I? I enjoy them and they enjoy me. I like making them happy, and my presence certainly makes their lives more difficult so I'm glad to help," I explained. "So, do things ever go to the next level?" Valerie asked. "Not here, and not with most of these women; they are virgins and happy about that fact. They want to be virgins on their wedding nights and I respect that," I answered. "Rio makes you out to be some sort of sex-crazed stud monster," Val informed me. "Rio's not a virgin and her only plans for marriage involve her being a black widow to her old, rich husbands," I grinned. "Is she, bi-sexual?" Valerie whispered. "Yes, I can verify that she is," I replied quietly. "Has she hit on you yet? Wait, silly question, have you thrown her out of your bed yet?" "This morning I found her sucking on my nipple through my nightshirt," she smirked. "Rio needs constant reminding of where the boundaries are," I informed Val. "You two talking about me?" Rio came bouncing up. "Is there a three-way in our future? Who gets tied up?" Valerie groaned in response. "Rio, there is such a thing as personal space and acceptable roommate behavior," I told Rio. "Things like spontaneously feeling her up while she sleeps are Bad!" "God, damn it!" Rio squalled, "But did you see the size of those bad boys? They are huge and puffy and I swear, they were calling out to me across the room." "In my long and illustrious career with the female nipple, they have never talked to me. If you don't behave, I'm going to have to tie you up at the next orgy and make you watch," I warned. I couldn't threaten to take away something she had, like her piercings; that would make her dig in her heels. Instead, I went after the things she was looking forward to. "Don't forget to secure her hands over her head so she can't diddle herself," Valerie got into the sport of things. "Good point," I agreed. "Major buzz-kill, you two. Valerie, you are trying to make your first day here no fun at all," Rio teased. "Which reminds me; Valerie, has Rio warned you about Handmaiden's Duty?" I inquired. Rio looked offended that I would say such a thing while Val looked confused. "It is a tradition here that requires all freshmen to perform a task of a non-damaging nature for any and all upperclassmen. They cannot grab you in class or a dorm room, but anywhere else is fair game," I informed her. "My first task was to be a bench for someone to sit on," Rio grinned. "Mine was to kiss a girl," I nodded. "Kiss her? Cordelia damn near passed out, you kissed her so long and deep," Rio teased me. "The first one was very nice and chaste," Iona stepped up and added. "It was the second one that curled her toes and started the stampeded on Zane." "What do I do if a girl asks me to kiss her?" Valerie worried. "Tell her you are waiting for your herpes to clear up," Rio volunteered. "It isn't likely to happen," Iona came across with sounder advice. "Homosexuality is frowned on at this campus." "I'd tell you to kiss them and enjoy the moment, but I'm a guy," I shrugged. "I'm still not sure what is normal for this place," Valerie related. "Rio and Zane are aberrations," Iona offered. "Most of the girls here are fundamentalist Christian virgins who are looking to get married once they graduate this place." "What is your story?" Val asked Iona. "I was pretty much the girl I just described until I met these two," she smiled. "Now I feel that I have, options." "Options like prison time," Rio laughed, "or becoming a sex toy at an S&M club." "I was thinking more like taking a summer and roaming the country," Iona glared Rio. "Maybe I could teach you to ride a motorcycle and you can come with me," Valerie offered. "That would be wonderful!" Iona brightened up. "When could we start?" "This afternoon, if you like," Val responded. "My ride is in the parking lot." "You have a motorcycle, here?" Rio exclaimed. "Rio, it is hard to be in a motorcycle gang without a chopper," Valerie pointed out. "On that note, I have to go," I sighed. New girls were starting to migrate in, meaning I had to retreat to my room. "Take care, everyone." The crapstorm fell on us as we left the dorm. All kinds of upperclassmen snatched up freshmen as they appeared and shadowed Pro-Christina students they couldn't grab. Rio and I were able to shove off of Valerie before she was identified as being with one of us, so she made it to the Dining Hall unmolested. I didn't have to do anything too heinous, carry three backpacks while reciting the Gospel of Luke from memory (ugh). They made Rio sing 'Onward Christian Soldier' because it was the only religious song she'd admit to knowing. She did a horrific hack-job of it too. They had Iona going through the descendants of Noah; she knocked them back flawlessly, Brainiac. It got better at the Dining Hall door where Rhaine oversaw the removal of every electronic device from the incoming students, no phones, tablets or laptops, nothing capable of rapid communicat

Christian College Sex Comedy: Part 9 The Sinister Science Club In 30 parts, By FinalStand. Listen to the podcast at Explicit Novels.             Anyone can be who they want to be; the challenge is being who you need to be Raven Thorpe was awarded the 'honor' of working with me, a designation she groaned over, and other girls glared at her with jealousy. After class she attempted to shoulder past me but I tapped her arm. "Can we talk for a second?" I inquired. "Don't you have to scurry off and take care of your schedule?" she replied blandly. "Can you stop being a bitch for fifteen seconds so we can figure out which author we can work on?" I snapped angrily. She pulled up short as if she expects to be pimp-slapped next. "Okay, who do you have in mind?" she requested. "And if you say William Shakespeare, I am going to smack you with my book bag." "I was thinking the political works of Edmund Burke," I suggested. Raven blinked. "Seriously, I didn't think you even knew who Edmund Burke was, much less that he was the father of modern conservatism," Raven congratulated me. It was almost like she wanted to pat me on the head and give me a doggy bone. "I was thinking of concentrating more on his works during the American Revolution, but if that's what you are more comfortable with, we could cover his later period works instead," I offered. "Good point, Zane. Let's talk it over during lunch," Raven suggested. "Zane," summoned a female voice from outside the classroom. "Go on," Raven smirked, "enjoy your disproportionate level of abuse." "You act like I have any choice in the matter," I shrugged. It was of little consolation that Raven made it ten more feet from the door when she got snatched up too. This time out, my mistress got to point to a feature on her body and I had to give it a flattering description, I know, my life is utter hell. I had no idea where the Science Club met; I even began to get the sinking feeling they carefully controlled any information about themselves, sort of like a secret society, or the CIA. "Hello, I'm Paige," spoke this girl, who apparently materialized out of the ether. I'm not paranoid; I've spent the past two years in a region where you have to be alert because Tigers are common and I say this girl freaking ghosted me, Man. "I'm with the Science Club. You will come with me right now," she smiled like said predator cat trying to disguise herself as a white rabbit. "You are albino," I noted. She had long white hair, alabaster skin, and a red shadow to her eyes. She was also the only girl to date I'd seen with the dark blue jacket that was part of our winter uniform. She also had a jaunty blue hat and white stockings instead of socks. "You have eyes," she rolled hers, "now come along." I started to follow her. "So what is this meeting about?" I asked. "It isn't a meeting; we require you for something," she replied. "What is it?" I became more cautious. "It is a surprise," she mocked me. "Stop wasting my time and come along." "Cool, I'm out of here." I grinned, turned, and left. Paige staggered and seemed unable to grasp my departure. "Where are you going?" she snapped tartly. "To Archery Club," I replied, while still walking away. "But, but you said you would come," she stuttered. "Am I a person? Are you?" "Yes and yes," she replied with irritation. "Are you an idiot or a child? Because those are the only reasons to forgive your spoiled behavior," I turned and said. Paige glared. "So you assume you are smarter than me and can be rude to someone who is doing you a favor." "We are the ones doing you a favor," Paige snapped back. "Now we want you to repay us." "Did you discuss payment when you did me the favor of rewiring my room? No? Good, because if you had, I would clearly be suffering a form of amnesia," I gave back. "If you want something, you can ask as a friend or you can offer me something that makes it worth my while. Now go back to Cordelia and tell her you have returned alone because you were so much smarter than me. If you could only 'speak friend', I continued walking away. "Wait," Paige called out nervously. "I, I, and I could almost hear the wheels turning. "Speak friend and enter." I stopped in midstride. "So you read through my school records and know my top ten influences," I turned and responded. We stared at each other for almost a minute until she finally gave up and put on her sunglasses. I retraced my steps back to her. "Favorite member of the Fellowship?" I tested her. "Legolas," she responded. I scoffed and she had the human decency to look embarrassed. "Ha," I scoffed again. "Horny girls go for the elf; the marrying kind goes for Aragorn." "Who is yours, then, wise guy?" she volleyed. "Boromir," I declared my allegiance. "Ah, of course; the veteran warrior in a doomed struggle; he forsakes his honor only to redeem it in a hopeless fight, perishing in the arms of his brothers," Paige retorted. "I thought you would have gone for Aragorn, the Uncrowned King." "Hmm," I winced, "my second choice was actually Frodo but that would have sounded gay." "You can't be gay; you are not clever enough to conceal that," she stated. "See, now you are sounding like Saruman the White," I teased. "Let me guess: because I'm an albino," she grumbled. "You are an albino? I was talking about your facial hair and that arrogant, know-it-all vibe you've got going on," I joked. Paige stared at me, suddenly speechless, finally taping her chin. "At least you didn't call me Gollum," she admitted. "Nah; too much hair and not enough skin slime," I explained as I ran the back of one finger over her cheek. She flinched slightly. "Are you going to, please, come with me now?" she asked much more politely. "Are you going to have sex with me?" I grinned. "What?" she squawked. "Just joshing you," I smiled. "You are far too pretty to be interested in me. Let's go." I'd clearly unsettled her because she didn't say another word to me until we were going downstairs in the Clegger Science Building. "Do you really think I'm pretty?" she asked as we finished the last set of stairs. "I must confess I find most women attractive, but you are far prettier than most," I replied. "Do you still want to have sex with me?" she said in a casual voice. I took her hand and placed it on my heart. "Hah," she snorted, "I get it; your heart is beating so yes, you want to have sex with me." "I was going to say that a steady heartbeat indicated I was telling the truth, but someone keeps insisting they are smarter than me," I teased her. Am I really asking for another sex partner? What's wrong with me? Her reaction wasn't what I expected it to be and then I realized that she still had something over on me, the reason for me being here. Bitch. She opened a door into a dark room and ushered me in. There appeared to be about ten ladies in the room, playing with a variety of electronics. "Delivered as promised," Paige called out. "What did he hit you with?" a short caramel-skinned girl inquired. "Fellowship of the Ring," Paige grinned. Mother-fuckers! "Did he offer to have sex with you?" Cordelia asked playfully. "Yes. And not only gave me a 'pretty' but also a 'far prettier'." Paige gave me a smug look. "Ha, ha, ha," I muttered. Idiot me forgot that psychology is also a science, and the reason we don't have a chess club at FFU was also evident; the Science Club devoured them. "Come on, Zane," Cordelia batted her full lashes at me. "We need a little favor and it won't take fifteen minutes." "Couldn't you simply coerce me into doing this?" I stated. "I'm sure this whole rigmarole of making me think I'm doing you a favor has to be making things more difficult." "We are all friends here," Cordelia smiled. "No, if we were all friends here, Iona would be at my side," I scolded her. "I admit you did a great scam getting me in this room, but you aren't nearly as good at lying to my face as you think you are." "Iona, Paige started to say. "Don't!" Cordelia snapped, then took a deep breath. "If you threaten Iona he will hit you, no," she corrected, "He'll hit me," Cordelia reasoned out. "There are eleven of us," another girl, Pandora Jaspers, stated, somewhat angry and confident. "I've seen him fight, Pandora. I saw him drop Mercy Chaplain. I've seen him fight Cappadocia Davis and Coach Gorman too," Cordelia said coolly as we stared at one another. "Unless we curl up in a ball on the ground, he'll beat us down. We'll hurt him, but Zane can take more pain than we can because he cares about her." "On that note, I'm gone again. Good going Paige; I'm sure you can think of something to make your sisters understand," I shrugged and moved for the door. "Zane, I need you to strip down and let us attach a series of video and biometric sensors so we can create a 'Virtual Zane' for a little project we are working on," Cordelia blurted out. I had to think hard about this; not because I didn't want to do it but because I had to figure if this was an honest play or another convoluted turn of the screws. I turned and looked at Cordelia. "There was no way in hell you ever thought I was a professor and you miraculously materialized outside my first class with the knowledge I was actually a freshman, damn, Cordelia, can't you just ask for stuff?" I berated her. "If you ask, you depend on another to get what you want; if you deceive, you win or lose on your own abilities," she shrugged. "Besides, I did ask you to kiss me; remember?" "Good enough; where do you want me to stand?" I responded. "Wait," Paige gawked. "Now he is doing it." "Alright ladies," one girl grinned. "Everyone pay up. I told you we should simply ask him." With that, I stepped over to a table and began stripping. Slowly the girls around me stopped what they were doing and openly ogled me. I guess the real me was better than the video. "Aren't you curious about what we are going to do?" Pandora inquired. "You are probably going to tell me that I'm posing naked because it is easier to dress an 'uncluttered' form, or something to that effect, but really, I like Cordelia and Iona is one of my two best friends," I mulled it over. "Besides, in case you missed it, I've seen all your faces." Once they took that bit of news in, things went along smoothly, though they had some debate amongst themselves on whether my cock needed its own 'reference point', a sensor attached. The amusing thing was, when the girl running the computer imaging asked me to keep my cock still, I had to reply that certain reactions weren't under my control, which caused a rather awkward moment. When I was finally finished there was another quiet interlude as I got dressed. "So," Cordelia wondered, rocking back and forth on her feet, "if we need more, data, could we get you to come back?" "Sure," I smiled back, "you know where I live, and you certainly know what my digits are. Cordelia, I want you to consider that if something happens in my room that ends up on the web that betrays the trust people have put in me, I'm not going to come after all of you looking for excuses. Are we clear?" "Is that a threat, Zane?" Cordelia beamed playfully. "Cordelia, I'm always one step away from being tossed out of here on my ass, so those who chose to trust me and take up my cause are doing it because they are decent folk. I'm not like most people; I can't afford to toss friends away like most of the rest of the people in this room seem to be comfortable with." "Or what," Paige smirked, "you'll beat us up?" "No, Paige. I value trust, so if you take that away from me, I'll find out what you value and take that away from you," I stared at her intently. "I know what you are going to say, Paige," Cordelia jumped in, "and Zane being expelled will only mean that he has no other distractions from dealing with us and he'll still have people inside the school all too willing to help him." "Zane, how about if something is done, we give you an off switch for various sections?" Cordelia offered. "Sounds great; let me know how the project works out, but now I have to go to Archery," I replied, before slipping out the door. "How did he know we were going to wire his room?" I overheard Paige whisper to Cordelia. "You don't seriously think he came here solely because we tricked him, do you?" Cordelia answered. "He knew we would try something and he wanted us to know that he knew." Yes, I had bumbled into the message I'd wanted to get across despite myself. Does Anyone Want Me Here? I had escaped school with a double date for Thursday Night (Chastity and Hope), then stopped by the house to plead with Aunt Jill to let Rio stay for the weekend. I gave a rational case, a compassionate reason, and then fell down on my knees and told her I really, really, really wanted her to stay. Something in that last argument made Jill relent and I phoned the good news to Rio. All that groveling resulted in me making the Festivities Committee Meeting by only two minutes. I swept into the room abruptly and as the story of my life goes, everyone stopped talking and looked at me. A quick scan of the room told me that two of the eight women knew to expect me, or at least some guy, while the others clearly assumed I'd lost my way. "Can we help you, young man?" an older woman with hair mostly turned to gray. "Welcome, Glenn," Mrs. Wellington said. "Ladies, Pastor William has asked us to introduce Mr. Braxton to the good works of our Church." There was a pause. "Thank you, Mrs. Wellington, but no one alive calls me Glenn anymore, and I'm not old or accomplished enough to be Mr. Braxton, like my Father or Uncle Tim. My teachers call me Zane." "Oh, you are at the University?" a third woman asked politely. She was asking if I went to the University of Virginia. "No, I don't go to UV; I go to FFU, it is a long story," I replied with trepidation. "I have a daughter at Freedom Fellowship," one of the women responded with concern. "What is her name?" I tried to be polite, what were the odds? "Pandora Jaspers," Mrs. Jaspers answered. "Seriously? I've done Handmaiden duty for her, and today I saw her at the Science Club," I sighed with relief. "What did she have you do?" yet another woman inquired intently. "I helped her create an umbrella walkway when it was raining so that all the students could get to class without getting soaked," I informed them. "Have you been to 'camp'?" a sixth woman hinted at something. "Camp, no, I can't say I've ever been to a camp," I evaded, because I had no idea what they meant. "That's enough, ladies," Mrs. Wellington said. "We have business to take care of. We can worry about Mr. Braxton's confusion at a later time." Oh, they think I'm gay. Camp = Gay camp where fundamentalists are sure I could be cured of being homosexual. I try not to laugh. "Mr. Braxton, I want you to sit at the chair there," Mrs. Wellington pointed to a chair away from the table, against the wall. "I want you to take personal notes for the members, things that don't go into the official record. Doreen Saxon," she indicated the gray haired woman "is our secretary. She takes the official notes of the meeting, so pay attention." The Meeting for the first of September was called to order, the record of attendance including the difficulty of my name, they kept trying to call me Glenn Braxton while I politely asked for Zane. They went with Glenn. The rest of the group worked out like this: Rochelle Wellington was Chairwoman, Kendra Bainbridge was our Treasurer, and Doreen Saxon was the grey-haired Secretary. The rest of the group consisted of Claire Baker, Theresa Geiger, Columbia Jaspers, Heidi Moulin, and Sahara Penny, the Pastor's wife. As the meeting progressed there was little I could do but watch the group dynamics at work. For starters, Bainbridge was at Wellington's throat; they clearly didn't like one another. The other was an oddity; no one interacted with Sahara Penny. I wasn't sure if it was her non-white heritage (Middle Eastern of some sort), her meek nature, or some past sin, but I decided to take advantage of it. I got up quietly and began walking around the table. "Glenn," Mrs. Saxon asked, but I ignored her because, damn it, how many times do I have to tell them my name is Zane? I walked over and knelt by Sahara. "Zane," Mrs. Wellington addressed me, "are you looking for the bathroom?" Bingo! "No, Mrs. Wellington. I was hoping to get some background information on the current discussions as well as contact information for the group. Since the rest of you are treating Mrs. Penny like she has the plague, I figured she would be the perfect candidate to tell me what is really going on here," I grinned at her. "It is always the quiet ones who know the most." And everyone stopped talking. Sahara not only looked shocked and frightened to see me, she looked like she wanted to sink under the table when I told the rest of them my reason for being here. "I assure you, Mr. Braxton, we are fully including Sahara in the process," Mrs. Bainbridge snorted indignantly. "I will gladly accept your reprimand if you can please tell me the last five words you said to her since I arrived," I requested, with as much innocence as I could beg, borrow, or steal. "I asked her about the children's clothing for the Nativity this year," Kendra said after a long pause. "That was Claire, not Sahara," I corrected her. "It is in my notes, but I'm sure Doreen can corroborate my recall of events." "Well," she said testily, "I'm sure I said something to her." Silence. "I apologize for disrupting the meeting. I'll crouch here quietly and conference with Sahara while the rest of you complete the business of the day," I told them, then turned back to Sahara. "Now, what the heck is up with the live turkey at the Thanksgiving celebration?" In the end, I gathered my information, the meeting concluded its business, and the room emptied until it was me, Sahara, Kendra, and Rochelle. "A Christian gentleman would apologize," Kendra informed me. "Well, I guess that makes us both poor Christians, because a good Christian woman wouldn't have lied to me," I calmly replied. Kendra gaped like a fish out of water. "Rochelle!" Kendra snapped to the Committee head. "Zane, you apologize to Kendra right now," she commanded me, without much passion. "Kendra Bainbridge, I apologize for my rude and uncalled for behavior," I said with a bow. Neither woman had expected me to fold up like that, so all Kendra could do was huff and storm out of the room. "Thank you," Sahara whispered, as she touched my hand. "I don't always know the right side to fight on but it is usually by the side of the person being bullied," I grinned. "It is the Christian thing to do," I added with a wink. That left me with Rochelle Wellington: MILF, Lance the asshole's Mom, and wife of the Mayor. She looked like she wanted to stand up but couldn't. Me, I had a Sorority meeting to get to, I missed dinner so I had to grab something first, and why in the hell was I even thinking what I was thinking? I sat down beside her. "What's wrong?" I began. She looked at me, tired and somehow forlorn. "You wouldn't understand, Mr. Braxton, Zane," she sighed. "Try me; the worst that could happen is, I give the expression that every teenager gives an adult when something important is being said but we are too caught up in our own lives to understand." "Oh, good point, young man," she sighed, "but I'm afraid I don't have anything even remotely interesting to talk about." I waited patiently. "I'm feeling sorry for myself. My baby is leaving the nest and it has been so long since I've been alone in the house, I don't know what to do with myself." "Lance is an only child?" I wondered. "Oh, no, he is the youngest of five," she responded with sadness. My jaw dropped and she stared at me. "What, did you start having kids when you were ten?" I gawked. "What?" she sounded confused. "I have a hard time believing you are forty, much less the mother of five grown children," I stammered. At first Rochelle was embarrassed and a bit uncomfortable, but slowly the compliment seeped its way into her psyche. "I, I have a home gym," she suggested as an answer. "Well, whatever you've been doing has worked. Your husband is one lucky guy, and I hope he appreciates you and all you do to look, act, and feel so young," I wowed her. "I'm not feeling all that young right now," she slipped back into her depression. "Where does it hurt?" I changed my focus. "I don't know what you mean?" she asked. "People keep their stress in different places; the back of the neck, the mid-back, shoulders, or temples," I informed her. "I'm not comfortable talking with you about that," Mrs. Wellington replied warily. "Sure," I said popping out of my seat. "I apologize if I crossed any lines," and I made for the door. "Wait, Zane, I apologize. I'm tired and a bit cranky. I know you didn't mean anything and besides, I'm sure you already have a girlfriend," Rochelle admitted. "Please don't spread this around, but I have several girlfriends at the moment. They know about each other, I'm not going to lie about my sex life, but they are usually interested in different things," I told her. "You have, multiple girlfriends, different things? Like what kind of different things?" Rochelle spilled out her confused thoughts. "Some women like sexual contact," I related, "while others like romantic time together, and still others want companionship." There was another long pause. "But you are at Freedom Fellowship University, she trembled. "I've never taken a student's virginity, if that's what you are asking," I answered. "Oh, I understand. I've taught all my children that they should be virgins on their wedding day," Rochelle said with some pride. "I have to disagree with that," I shocked her, "but that is one of the reasons that women are better than girls." "And how would you know this?" She now turned in her chair to face me, trying to sound affronted but coming across as deeply curious. "Umm, I've had sex with girls in their teens and women in their forties, and women know more, pace themselves better, and generally have better bodies," I explained. "Teen girls need a few more years to fill out." Rochelle was utterly speechless, and part of that had to do with the fact that I was being frank and honest, yet not openly coming on to her. "You must not think much of me, then," she mused, "teaching my children my views on virginity." "Where did you get that from? If anything, you are proving yourself to be an intelligent, warm, caring, and compassionate woman and mother, who happens to look like she's less than forty years old," I added. "You did what you thought was right. I can't argue with that." "Well, good," she replied. "Now for my part, I was taught that a real man gives his lover multiple orgasms and he should never reach fulfillment before his partner does. Any man who does so is being selfish," I stated. "How did you come by this, thinking?" she inquired with a small voice. "Umm, I've had sex around five hundred times with thirty different partners," I told her, "so I've not only learned from very good teachers, I've field tested their ideas." "How can you possibly consider yourself a good Christian, Zane?" she accused me. "Compassion, respect for all living things, and forgiveness, that's what I believe in and what Christianity stands for in my eyes," I explained. "The Bible is clear on sex and the sanctity of the marriage bed," Rochelle insisted. "Mrs. Wellington, everything after the death of Jesus is conjecture. We both accept that Jesus was the Son of God, but after he dies, who is to say who was being touched by the Divine, who was building on JC's teachings, and who was simply making stuff up," I held up my hand to stop Rochelle's protest. "The Catholics have a thousand Saints, most of whom we don't hold to be divinely inspired. You chose to believe that virginity is a girl's sacred duty, but I don't recall Christ saying anything on the subject. You can certainly quote later Gospels or the Old Testament, but that makes it your choice, not the Word of God," I finished up. Another long pause followed. "I keep my stress in the top of my shoulders," she suddenly said. I stood up and moved behind her, deciding to not question her changing opinion of me. "It helps if you take off your jacket," I suggested, then helped her shimmy out of it. She tensed up as my hands weighed down lightly on her shoulders so I kept my touch gentle. Two minutes into the massage, I began squeezing harder and harder, moving my palms back and forth over her bra straps from upper arm to neck. "Rochelle," I whispered into her ear, "I am going to rotate your shoulders." I rolled over each shoulder one at a time but when I finished, I pushed her slowly forward until she was resting her elbows on the table and held her head on her upturned hands. When I went back to the massage, I worked her over harder and extended my reach from her mid-back to neck. This was clearly a case of begging forgiveness instead of asking permission. I took my time, relaxing her to a completely detached state. When I brought her back to reality, I was kneeling beside her and tapping her on the arm. "Rochelle? Are you okay," I asked in a gentle, caring voice. Dreamily, she turned her head from its resting place on her arms to look at my eyes straight-on and mere inches away. "What, huh?" she muttered. "How do the shoulders feel? Has your stress gone away?" I inquired. "Yes, yes," she popped up, alert once more. "It feels really good, in fact. I haven't felt this way in years," she added with a smile. "I think it is time for us to go," I suggested. "Can I help you with your jacket?" "Of course," she nodded. "Thank you for helping an old lady out." I held it while she put in one arm after the other but when I settled it on her shoulders, I stepped in and held her there for a moment while I pressed myself against her so she could feel how I felt about 'old ladies'. Rochelle froze when she felt my cock, rigid in my slacks, pressed against her ass. I was unsure if I'd gone too far when she pushed ever so slightly against me. "I've got to be going. I will see you on Sunday but I'm home all weekend with one of my girlfriends in case you need me," I informed her. I slipped out before she could respond because not only did I have a Sorority function to attend, I also needed to figure out where I could score some Viagra because I clearly had no common sense where sex was concerned. Besides, Sahara was obviously in need of attention because Pastor Bill wasn't giving it to her, and Bainbridge was lashing out due to years of sexual frustration, I repeat: I have no common sense. Every One Like a Fingerprint to Me When I was racing to get to the Kappa Sigma House, I hardly expected to be met by one of their pledges and absolutely no one else. After I sat down in the den and the pledge, Tina, got me a soda from the kitchen, we found ourselves staring at one another. "So, I'm here on the correct night; right?" I asked. "Yes, you are, Zane," she bubbled with anticipation. "Where is everybody?" I prodded her. "They are taking care of Sorority business but they will come get us when they are ready," she grinned. I knew I was missing something but I didn't know what it was. "Is it hot in here?" I wondered. "Yes," Tina said after a bit of concentration. "Tina, can I have some Advil? I'm getting a headache," I yawned. "Okay," Tina responded, still happy, and still sitting down. "Ah, fuck, you drugged me, didn't you?" I groaned. I doubted I could still stand and then proved my doubts as I slid off the chair. "Damn," I slurred. Tina walked over to me, took my drink away, and gently maneuvered my body to the floor. "If it is any consolation, I was selected as the pledge most likely to seduce you," she stated with real sympathy. I might have smiled at her, I wasn't sure, but I definitely passed out. Cough! Someone plunged cleaning detergent underneath my nose and fired me back to consciousness. Holy Mother of God, I'm cold, my wrists and ankles hurt, I'm outdoors in the woods illuminated by torches and surrounded in a semi-circle of bare-footed figures in ankle long brown robes and black hoods. I was cold because I was naked and my limbs hurt because I was suspended on a cross, not a 'T' cross but an 'X' cross. I certainly know some kinky, fucked-up people. "Zane," a modulated voice addressed me, "you are on trial before Kappa Sigma for your treatment of one of our sisters. You have abused the trust of one sister by seeking romantic relations with another. What do you have to say for yourself?" "If the question is that I had relations with Leigh, then had a similar encounter with Paris, then I confess. In my defense, I never sought to deceive either one and will make amends if permitted," I promised. "Sisters, we have heard his defense. Will any of you vote in his behalf?" she intoned. No one stepped forward. "Zane, we will give you one chance to save yourself. If you fail, you will be shaved bald and painted in a permanent purple dye." I assume that means seven days on human skin. "If you can pick out the woman you have wronged, beg her forgiveness, and are forgiven, you will go free." I was getting pretty nervous since they were all totally covered except for their toes when the 'leader' nodded and the girls all opened their robes to reveal string bikinis in a variety of colors. Their faces were still covered, though that wasn't really a problem for me anymore. "Choose Leigh and Paris, beg their forgiveness, and you may be pardoned," the 'leader' commanded. "That's not fair," I answered right back, "because they are not before me now." "Think carefully," the girl with the modulated voice cautioned me. "No, seriously; I'm looking at Josephine, Maria, Cynthia, Sarah, Ferrara, Petra, Yvette, Tawny, Jersey, and Monique," I named them left to right. "What?" Sarah gasped to her assembled sisters. "Do we have name tags on?" Behind me, I heard snickers turn into giggles, Leigh and Paris. Tawny stepped forward. "How did you know?" she inquired, clearly not the girl with the modulated voice. "Ah, Josephine has a birthmark on her ankle, Maria has the darkest skin tone, and Cynthia's breasts don't angle down the middle or to the side but somewhere in the middle." "Sarah has slender thighs and her calves curve just so below the knee; Ferrara always paints her nails in these crazy patterns; Petra scrapped her knee backpacking two weekends ago; Yvette, has that tattoo over her right nipple; Tawny, you have a slender neck, a, 38C chest, and a strong swell from your waist to your hips; Jersey is the tallest and has that scar she got in a boating accident in high school; and finally, Monique has the perkiest nipples and the most slender calves," I recited. Man, even the crickets went quiet after that. "Zane, did anyone help you with this test?" Tawny finally asked. "Nope." "How could they?" Leigh came to my defense. "You didn't make the line-up until thirty minutes ago." "Jersey, go check his phone log," Tawny directed her sister. "I'm getting really cold," I whispered to Leigh. She looked from my eyes to my waist with sympathy. Jersey walked out of the light but quickly returned with my phone. "His last call was at 2:10 p.m. but he did have a data download at 6:45, it seems to be a bunch of women's names and phone numbers," Jersey relayed the information to them. "It is my church group, I swear. Honestly, they are all married women in the Festivities Committee that bastard of a pastor assigned me to," I pleaded. "No phone calls?" Tawny persisted. "No phone calls," Jersey confirmed. "Okay, Zane, how did you know who we were with our faces concealed?" Tawny wondered. "Is that a serious question?" The deafening pause was its own answer. "You are women; I pay attention to women and to me, each female form is as exacting as a fingerprint. Until now I thought all of this was a joke," I related. "I mean, if you wanted to scare me, you would have given me something difficult to figure out." "And you picked all this up at one party?" Tawny sounded bewildered. "Have I mentioned how much I like women?" I reminded her. "But you brought twenty women with you; you always had a woman by your side. How?" Tawny still struggled to understand. "I repeat: have I mentioned how much I like women? I see nothing wrong with being with one woman and looking at others, but I believe it is wrong to be with one woman and thinking about someone else," I explained. "You should always appreciate the one you are with." "Umm, does any sister believe Zane has earned a reprieve?" For two seconds no one reacted, then Jersey stepped forward. "He knew about my scar," was her excuse. Five more stepped forward right after that and all had done so by the tenth second. "Very well Zane, you are forgiven," Tawny announced. Yay, me! "But I have one other issue to address. Zane, I can't have you cutting a swath through my girls so I'm going to demand that you stick to one and only one Kappa Sigma per semester." I stared at her until she finally had to question me. "What?" "I wish you would stop treating me like a child," I chuckled. "What makes you think I'm not being serious?" Tawny growled. "We've kissed. You can tell a lot about a person in the way they kiss, and you are very caring and thoughtful," I told her. "Why would I be out here in the woods naked if I didn't trust you?" "You kissed him!" yelped Leigh. Tawny smirked as she looked at her. "You left me alone with a naked Zane in your room; he looked cold and lonely," she told Leigh. I was cold and lonely because Tawny tossed Leigh out of her own room and then wouldn't let me get dressed, but only Tawny, Christina, and I knew that. "Besides, Zane, you are naked in these woods because we tricked you into our house and spiked your drink," Tawny pointed out. "Ah, but would I have been dumb enough to take that drink if I hadn't first trusted you enough to show up, wait, that didn't come out right," I mumbled. "Are you agreeing to my terms?" Tawny teased. "Nope. I prefer to hold to the illusion I'm living in the Free World," I declared. "You can certainly tell your sisters what to do because they volunteered for this but I only hang out here because all of you have been so nice to me. If I've been a poor guest, I'll just leave, because I'm not going to pretend I like one sister less than another." "Zane, you are deep in the woods, tied to a cross, and the only people who know you are here are all bound by Sacred Oaths of Sisterhood, Blood, and Secrecy," Tawny stated sweetly, as she came up and stroked my cheek. "You aren't in the best place to be dumping us." "Good point," I agreed defiantly. "Maybe I should wait to get on my high horse when I can actually get on a high horse, but I'm still not going to take it back." "We could always keep him in our secret basement," Monique suggested. When everyone looked at her she added, "Hey, he liked my nipples. Finding a guy who is good with nipples isn't as easy as you would think." Huh, what? I had a definite feeling I was losing control of events. "You have a secret basement?" I gulped. "I didn't know you had a secret basement." "Well, duh," Paris snickered. "It wouldn't be much of a secret if you knew about it." "We are not keeping Zane chained up for our amusement," Tawny warned the girls. "We specifically changed the Charter back in '02 so that we can no longer keep men on the premises for more than forty-eight hours." Yay? "We also can't leave him here," Tawny continued. "I'm sure Christina will have search parties out looking for you before sunrise." "I'll stay out here and stand guard over him," Leigh volunteered. "No," Tawny scolded Leigh. "We can't let him get fucked to death either." Leigh looked truly heartbroken. "I think we have to let Zane get off this time," Tawny sighed. "I was trying to get him off," Leigh grumbled. "Give it a rest, Leigh," Tawny demanded. "Paris, give our guest something to drink so we can wrap this up." Paris disappeared behind me, then reappeared with a glass of water. "Drink up," she smiled beatifically. "Just promise me I'm not going to wake up in some landfill or tied to a lamppost somewhere public," I groaned. "Drink it down right now and you might wake up next to me," Tawny challenged. Needless to say, I drank and quickly, because I'm an idiot who keeps too much blood in the wrong head. When I woke up, I was back in the Sorority house with a different sweet pledge smiling at me and that smell of ammonia in my nostrils. She handed me a folded piece of paper. I said 'you MIGHT wake up next to me' the paper read. 'P.S. See you and the Ladies at our Halloween Bash.' "What's your name?" I asked the pledge. This time the home was filled with the noises of occupancy. "Larissa," she giggled. "So, are you Leigh's boyfriend?" "Ah, no; I'm community property; the other sisters hand me around like a box of chocolates," I joked. "Really! That is so great," she bubbled with excitement. "I can't wait until I get initiated. I want you to make me scream the way you had Leigh singing." Does no one get my jokes? "Larissa, I am sure you will pass your initiation, no sweat," I told her as I stood up, feeling a bit drunk. Larissa walked with me to the door and gave me a quick peck on the cheek as I turned to head for my car. I made it to campus with seconds to spare. The crawl up to the Solarium was done in relative quiet, though Barbie Lynn decided to sample my tonsils before letting me up. Not two steps inside the door my phone rang. "Hello, is this Zane Braxton?" this familiar voice greeted me. "That would be me. What can I do for you this night?" I responded. "This is Felicity Tolliver. I wanted you to know that I had dinner with Rochelle Wellington tonight and I think having you on her committee has really improved her mood," she informed me. I reached the top of the landing and nearly dropped the phone. Iona sat nervously on my bed, which she had made up because I never do it that well. She was wearing lingerie that definitely made her whole form much more feminine. "Felicity, Rochelle and I talked mostly, plus I showed her some techniques to help alleviate stress," I related, "but you can tell her it was a pleasure to work with such a vibrant and beautiful woman. You two are a lot alike." There was a pause, then, "I'll tell her that," Felicity said. "I will be at my home in case she needs something this weekend. I would like to see both of you, as would my Aunt," I offered. "That would be nice," she sounded upbeat. "We could also discuss getting some FFU girls coming over to your place and the workshops you could teach on campus in October and November," I suggested. "That sounds great too," Felicity agreed. "I would like to spend some time at FFU and having some girls know where Lance's house is would be nice. When do you want to meet?" "How about after dinner, say 8:00 o'clock?" I suggested. "You can bring Lance." "After dinner is fine but Lance has a church workshop on Saturday nights," Felicity sighed. Oh hell, does this woman even get taken to first base? "He's always so busy with his fraternity at school, the Young Christian Men's Republican caucus, and the Christian Men's League at church." Does this guy spend any time with women at all? "Consider it a date," I replied. "Now I have a very good reason to go to bed, so good night." "Good night," she parted in a friendly manner, which allowed me to hang up and start undressing as I approached the bed. I looked down at my bed buddy once I'd stripped down to nothing. "You look lovely, Iona," I greeted her. "What do you want to do?" "I'll do whatever you want," Iona said with a tremor in her voice, looking down at her lap. She looked stunning in her burgundy bra and panties, which were far more lace than substance. I felt the hand of, Christina (?) in all this. "Thank you, Iona. What I really want is to lie down, you beside me so that I can look into your eyes and gently trace lines along your body, and then I want to go to sleep with you in my arms. That's what I really want." "Really?" she perked up in surprise and relief. I crawled under the covers, holding them open so she could join me. "I like this a lot," she murmured, as she settled in at my side, snug in the covers. I shifted to my side and cupped her chin before exchanging several soft kisses with her. Afterwards, I did as I told her I would; my hand caressed her body, avoiding nipples and cunt but doing my best to get everywhere else. I elicited sensual moans and ticklish giggles. When I had forced her to push me off so she could catch her breath, I felt I had given Iona what she wanted, and more importantly, what she could live with. I sat back and stared at the Moon through my glass roof. Iona's smiling face slowly invaded my view. "I give up, Iona," I pleaded. "Right now I want some sleep." "That's okay. I will sit here and watch over you," she sighed. "That's, that's a little creepy, actually," I confessed. "I've watched all of the Twilight movies so I know what secretive romances are all about," Iona explained. Unfortunately, I knew little of the Twilight series of movies. I knew it involved vampires and werewolves and some chick named Bella but I'd never actually seen any of that. Had I known it involved a 100-year-old vampire breaking into some teenager's room and staring down at her while she slept, I would have been much more concerned, but for now I went to sleep. A lesson in why I shouldn t get out of bed in the morning. I woke up to every heterosexual teenage boy's second favorite dream (the first being a morning blowjob) of a perfume-scented head resting on each shoulder as you wake. There were the tiny complications of only having gone to bed with one woman and that, by their breathing, I could tell they were both awake. "Good morning," I said cautiously; technically morning since it was 5:00 a.m. "Good morning, Zane," Iona and Barbie Lynn greeted me. They both ran hands over my chest, though they gave a sudden jolt when their hands touched. I had one arm around Iona and I used that to give her a hug. My other arm was pinned by my side by Barbie Lynn's body. I gave Barbie's thigh a squeeze and she wiggled in response. "Okay, Barbie Lynn, this is Iona's night, so what are you doing here?" I scolded my blonde nymph. "I'm sorry," Barbie demurred then looked to Iona and repeated the "I'm sorry." "I understand," Iona replied, hesitating before saying after further introspection as she snuggled in, "I want to wake up this way every morning too. I like the way he smells and the way he makes me feel all warm inside, and now you owe me a night, to be shared," she stated hopefully. "One of these days I'm going to get a say in how I spend my free time," I griped. Iona looked hurt but Barbie Lynn merely sneered. "Don't you worry none, Iona. Zane, if you could wake up next to myself and Iona tomorrow morning, would you?" she drawled like sweet molasses. "Yes," I grumbled petulantly, "but I'd still like to talk about it." "Trust us, Suga, we know what's best for you and what you want. Just let us girls take care of you and you take care of all the Man Stuff." "We'll take good care of you," Iona dog-piled on, but in a nice way. "If it makes you feel better, you can punish us," Barbie Lynn offered. "We've been bad." "Huh?" Iona and I questioned. Barbie flipped over and wiggled her ass against me. "Good point. You two get to the foot of the bed, facing away from me, now!" I demanded. "Why me?" Iona honestly worried. "What did I do wrong?" "Do it, Iona. This is virtually a rite of passage," Barbie Lynn lied to her. "No, it is not, and if you don't want to do it, you don't have to," I told her. She didn't know what I was going to do and she clearly was scared, but when Barbie Lynn crawled out from under the covers and moved to the foot of the bed, resting on all fours, ass toward me, she followed suit. "If Barbie Lynn is going to do this," she muttered, "then so am I." I followed them, positioning myself between their calves and massaging their ass cheeks lightly. Barbie shifted back and forth in anticipation; Iona couldn't de-tense. Smack! "Oh, Yes!" Barbie Lynn yelped, then playfully wiggled her other, unmarked cheek within reach. "I've been really bad!" she chirped cheerfully. "No! Bad Girl," I shook my finger at her. "I'm starting to believe you aren't learning your lesson." We both knew that spanking Barbie was like throwing gasoline on a fire. Unfortunately, my purpose right now was to get them both back to their rooms, not work off my morning arousal. I moved behind Iona and forced her legs apart. She was clearly uncomfortable when I put a hand on each hip and slowly rocked her back and forth. Barbie Lynn sat back and watched with an enchanting glow highlighting her features; clever, intuitive, and lovely all at once. I settled my body onto Iona's back, my hard-on pressing into her ass cleft and one hand rubbing her stomach. "Zane?" Iona whispered in a scared little girl voice. "Yes," I answered, while kissing her along her shoulder ridge. "You, you didn't do this to Barbie Lynn," she choked out. "Do you want me to treat you as if you were another woman?" I continued, brushing her hair to one side so I could tease her neck with my lips. That got her to finally relax. "No," she gasped. "Iona, you explaining sex to Zane is like a bobcat telling a wolf how to hunt deer," Barbie Lynn teased Iona. "He gets to know you, what you like, and what you want, even if you don't know what that is." I spent another two minutes giving Iona a sensual massage, rubbing her upper arms, down along her sides, then tracing the lines of her panties before finishing with her inner thighs. Smack! "Oh," Iona gasped from the light impact. "Why didn't you spank me as hard as you spanked Barbie Lynn?" she wondered. "Did you want me to leave a handprint on your ass?" I asked. "No, I guess not," Iona admitted. "Can you answer me something?" "I'll try," I replied. "Why do you have those marks on your wrists and ankles?" She inquired. The room was dark so Barbie Lynn hadn't seen my little gift from the Kappa Sig's until Iona showed her what to look for. "Zane?" Barbie Lynn demanded to know, her persona going from sensual lover to protective Dorm Mother. "Let's not get into this right now," I sighed. They looked past me to one another but thankfully respected the peace I had requested. Had they not left together, huddled in quiet conversation, I would have been happier, but I had to be satisfied with fifteen more minutes of sleep instead. By the time I made it to the shower, everyone already knew not to ask, they were already seeking answers on their own. Getting to breakfast involved a play-debate where I had to be the 'Bad Guy,' aka the Liberal, Baby-killing, Godless Democrat, while my mistress of the moment was the heroic Republican. I graciously allowed her to trounce me, to the cheers of my fellow classmates, when I declared that all churches should be converted to homes for unwed mothers and that church-endorsed marriage should be banned for not accepting homosexuality. Did I know my audience or what? Never a Simple Morning I love women, even though they will surely be the death of me. Case in point: breakfast. I'm about to sit down with my normal companions (Rio and Iona) when a blur shoves Rio aside and takes a seat next to me. "Zane, I've been going over the books in the school library and some, Raven began. "Bitch, you did not just bump me and steal my seat," Rio seethed. Raven looked over her shoulder at Rio. "We are not in kindergarten anymore. Grown-ups chose their own seat," Raven lectured. "Wait!" I cried out to forestall Rio's pelting Raven with the contents of her food tray. Rio gave me barely enough time to twist my tray sideways, half-stand, and pull the Hellion onto my lap. I wouldn't displace Iona and that was the only place in this section of the table for her to sit. "Nice hood ornament," Raven smirked. "You and me are far from done," Rio snarled. "What, you don't know what 'ornament' means so you opt for something out of 'Goodfellas'?" Raven taunted. "Stop!" I barked. "Rio, Raven, Raven, Rio; Rio is my twin-soul and Raven is going to help me get through English this semester so for my sake, would you both please play nice?" Neither girl would budge so I took the initiative. "Raven, I think we can get access to the libraries at UV and George Mason; I'm sure they have tons more material for us to use," I offered. "How are you going to manage that?" Raven was skeptical. "Yeah, Brainiac," Rio parroted. "How are you going to do that?" "I'll have one of the Sorority sisters help me with UV and we'll have Iona hack Lance Wellington's password from his phone," I explained. "That will get us into Mason." "Only an idiot would store their password on a portable storage device," Raven stated with confidence. "Someone smart enough to get into George Mason wouldn't do that." "Ha, ha, ha," Rio laughed. "Raven, there are smarts, then there are real smarts. Any knucklehead can crack some books and get into a law school but it takes an adult to know when the rules do and don't apply." "That makes no sense," Raven stated with authority. "Raven, would you even consider trying to access UV or George Mason?" I asked. "No," she admitted, "because we don't go there." "Men build fortresses to be impregnable; God inspires men to storm them anyway," I replied. "Which translates as, 'if Zane says he's going to get something for you, he'll do it," Rio said. "Okay," Raven mulled it over, then, "So, Zane, how did you get those rope burns on your wrists?" "Yeah, Zane, how did you get those marks on your wrists and ankles?" Rio inquired devilishly. I stole an accusatory look at Iona for ratting me out about my ankles. "I went over to the Kappa Sigma

Christian College Sex Comedy: Part 3 Handmaiden Traditions In 30 parts, By FinalStand. Listen to the podcast at Explicit Novels.             Pain is either not knowing what it is or forgetting what it was       "Okay," I choked. "I only wanted one of you bitches up here tonight so Heaven can stay but the rest of you have to go." No one responded instantly. "You don't tell me what to do, freshman," Heaven said as she smacked me across my thigh. "Christina, let's get out of here; I feel like getting something to eat, something else that is," she told the Queen. In the time it took Heaven to gather her clothes and get dressed, the group was gone, and I was left wondering what the hell I'd stepped into. I figured one guy and nine hundred girls, and I'd be living the dream. Only an idiot would have assumed there would be no existing power structure, competing sexual desires, or people less than happy with my cleverness. Suddenly, having to survive three more days to the weekend seemed too much to ask. Fighting for the Weekend. I was slumped down on the floor against the wall when an expensive pair of shoes came at me. Since my stomach and left side were well acquainted with pain already I chose to block with both arms which hurt a little bit less. This unnamed assailant pivoted back for another kick when Heaven grabbed him by the back of the neck and slammed his head into a picture above my head. He dropped like the sack of shit that I'm sure he was. I was struggling up when Cappadocia grabbed my wrist and helped me stand. Three more guys stood between us and the bathroom door, outside of which a battle of the sexes was starting to be waged; FFU vs. AKA fraternity. You may be wondering how I ended up here; I sure am. (I promise this will all make sense eventually) Starting in the Past The light tapping on my door broke my oral attention on Barbie Lynn's right nipple. I kept frigging her with two fingers in her cunt while I caught a quick look at the time. It was twelve-ten in the morning. Who the hell? "I need to check this out," I warned Barbie. "What?" she wondered. "What's going on?" "There is someone at the door and I think I know who it is. I'll be right back," I explained. Barbie looked apprehensive for obvious reasons. I grabbed a robe and headed down to the door as there was a second rap at the door. I swung the door open and there stood Rio. "Hey, Bitch, are you going to make me wait out here or what?" she teased me. I stood aside and followed her back to my bedroom. Barbie had disappeared under the quilt and covers but I was careful to not sit on her when I flopped onto the bed. "What can I do for you?" I inquired of Rio. "Keep it holstered, Cowboy," Rio laughed. "Save that python for your playmate Barbie. Do remind her that if she rides you too rough, she can break it off." "I'll have you know she's the most gentle and sensitive woman I've ever known," I countered with a grin of my own. "Really?" she asked speculatively. "Really," I affirmed. "In that case, maybe you can give her to me for an evening. I'd like to play with her; you know, a little light bondage, spanking, and a dildo, vibrator or three," she asked suggestively. "Is that all?" I asked. "Of course, I'd put those succulent lips to good use and I bet her tongue is to die for. I'd also love to chew on those massive titties, bite her and mark her as my own," Rio added. "If she moans like enough of a slut, I'll even eat her out too." "If it somehow comes up in casual conversation I'll let her know," I promised, while at the same time I resolved to actually have a decent hiding place when I fixed things up. "Don't do that," Rio insisted. "I'd rather kidnap her, blindfolded, so that I can take her to a bar and hand her around like a party favor." "That's kind of cold," I cautioned her. "What about her virginity?" "There are all kinds of chastity belts I can fit her with that leave her mouth and ass free," Rio regaled me. I really had no idea but I didn't doubt it existed. "Isn't that a bit harsh? What has Barbie Lynn ever done to you?" I was curious to know. "Barbie Lynn, she is a girl in need of a good, hard fucking, regularly and repeatedly" She grinned like she was a female Loki, Goddess of Mischief. "If you think so, I guess I could tie her up and leave her for you, bound and gagged in the trunk of my car. I'm sure when you get to the bar you'll find some big strong men to take her out for you," I outlined the plan. Rio desperately fought down her giggles. "Well, that's given me some pleasant images to get to bed with," Rio came over and kissed me on the cheek. "Give me that sleeping bag and I'll catch some Zees." "Sure, no problem. You know how I snore so if you hear any noise coming from my bed, just ignore it," I winked. "Okay. As long as nothing touches the floor, I'll be fine," she assured me. "What happens if something touches the floor?" I had to ask. It was getting downright hilarious. "I scream like a banshee. I was molested by a Chihuahua when I was young and I've never gotten over it," Rio snickered. "I will keep all my bits up on the bed, then. Now, get squared away so we can get some sleep," I grinned. Rio laid out my sleeping bag below the footboard and climbed inside. "Good night, Zane," Rio yawned as I cut off the light. "Good night, Rio," I replied. "Good night, Barbie Lynn," Rio giggled. There was a long pause as a naked Barbie tensed up, then wiggled up from beneath the bed coverings. She looked at me curiously then crawled down on all fours to the foot of the bed. I was momentarily paralyzed by the look of Barbie's entire rearview cast in the pale moonlight. "How did you know I was here?" Barbie Lynn questioned Rio. "Unless Zane started sleeping with fifty pounds of extra bedding, there was someone under the covers with him; then it was a matter of figuring out who was the sexiest upperclassman who would take the risk," Rio explained. "So this whole talk about kidnapping me and taking me to a bar was meant to scare me?" Barbie accused Rio, who snickered yet again. "Tell me, Barbie, did that get you hot or what? Be honest now," Rio challenged her. Barbie Lynn flushed furiously and looked over her shoulder at me, trying to gauge her words to my reaction. I moved up behind her, kissing from the small of her back then forward while my hand rubbed along her ass and flanks. She kept her eyes on me until my hand cupped her sex, at which point her eyes shut and her breathing increased. "Oh, Barbie Lynn sighed as she let her legs part and her cunt went from damp to dripping. "If Zane was with me, I'd feel safe," Barbie stammered nervously. "He'd not let anything bad happen to me, but I'd like to, just a little." I'd never tied a girl up before now, I'd never really wanted to, but taking in all of Barbie right at the moment, I made a note of consorting with my sorority friends about what to use when the opportunity presented itself. Two fingers in, two fingers out, two fingers in, two fingers out, one finger in her cunt and one in her ass. Barbie shuddered deliciously. "You two fuck your brains out," grumbled Rio. "I'll lie here and try to get some sleep." "Good, good, good luck with that," panted Barbie Lynn, "I'm a real screamer," and she really was. "I swear, if one more girl had climbed into that shower with you, I was going to tape on a stun gun in the on setting and toss it in," Rio joked. "A, you don't have a stun gun, and B, the floor was so wet you would have stunned yourself too," I pointed out. "Threaten me not with logic, dumbass," Rio chuckled. "Fine. Not that I mind your company but, don't you have to get dressed?" I groaned. "Do you think anyone would notice if I went to class naked today?" Rio wondered. "Notice, yes; make you the target of a direct-to-video lesbian gangbang porn flick, yes too," I taunted her. "Damn it, Zane," Rio squawked, "you've tapped into my secret fantasy!" "Save it for your creative writing assignment in English class," I nudged her. "Now seriously, I need to get dressed and so do you." Rio's exaggerated frown only made me chuckle harder but I did manage to shush her out. I sang my way to breakfast, literally. The latest demand of my Handmaiden's Duty was a rendition of 'Call Me Maybe' which garnered us quite an audience if not accolades for my proficiency. Rio tried to record me on her phone but an observant junior picked Rio for a piggy back ride. Iona hovered closely to Barbie Lynn again, which kept her safe. Christina snatched us on the way to Assembly. One look told me things had gone horribly wrong but I didn't know why. She picked me and when I protested (a junior named Sybil had pre-ordered my services) Heaven grabbed Iona as a clear threat to me. Chastity hijacked Rio before she could throw her food tray on Christina's head but I admired my buddy's fanaticism and loyalty. "I'm with Sybil," I tried to explain, but that girl did a quick disappearing act. "Okay, then, what do you want me to do?" "We seem to have this little disagreement about you thinking you can dictate my behavior," she smiled sweetly, "so I'm going to be monopolizing your time for the rest of the semester." Iona groaned and I was afraid Rio would do something stupid. "Zane, I want you to carry my books to my next class," which didn't sound too bad but, "on your knees," she gloated, "but I'll, " "You conceited bitch!" snapped Rio. "Stop it!" I growled back to Rio angrily enough to stop her. "This is what they want." "Hmm, Christina contemplated, "I was going to allow you to crawl on the grass but now I think you will do it on the walkway." Crawling all that way on bricks would be painful to say the least. "Now I think we'll have Rio do it," she continued. I waved Rio to silence. "As I remember you have this noble streak so I'm going to give you the option of you traveling on the bricks or letting Rio do it." It was some horrible sick joke and I knew the results before I spoke. "I'll do it," I answered, but again, I knew it was useless. "Agreed," Christina handed me her book bag while Heaven did the same to Rio, "Rio can take the walkway and I'll let you take the grass." She waited for my response. "What; no repose? No protests? No rants?" she questioned. "That's not where my mind is at, Christina. You just keep digging a deeper hole. I'll bury you in it; how you crawl back out is your business," I shrugged. "I understand, Zane. Faith, give your books to Iona. She can share the walkway with Rio," Christina ordered. Again I had to stop Rio from erupting; there was nothing I could do. We were boned in this bizarre institution's humiliating ritual. "Zane will take the walkway on his knees, Rio can do the same on the grass, and Iona can carry the rest of our books," Chastity announced out of the blue. "Chastity?" Christina questioned her rebellious minion. "They get the point," Chastity suggested. "I'm with Chastity," Hope declared. "I'll explain when we get outside," Chastity all but begged. I had to scratch megalomania off my list of possible character flaws of Christina; she motioned our little troupe to proceed and made no protests when we freshmen took up our duties. Rio and I had to cover two hundred feet on our knees; I flashed Rio a vicious, confident grin. She grinned back and mouthed 'Fuck all the bitches,' which made me chuckle. "What is so funny?" growled Heaven. "Your skirt is caught in your underwear so every time you step left your skirt rides up," I lied convincingly. Heaven reached around and tried to straighten out the nonexistent problem. "Heaven, he's playing you," Hope intervened. Heaven's eyes rained fiery death down on me. "Who is digging themselves a deeper hole now?" Christina taunted me. "I accept that Heaven is going to get her due and I'm fine with that. Of course, when I finally bring you to your knees, I know that look on your face is going to be priceless," I glared back. "You are also not going to see Barbie Lynn outside of official business," Christina informed me. "I'll give your suggestion all the merit it deserves," I smiled. "That is not a suggestion, and if you do see her again, she will be expelled and a letter of explanation will be sent to her parents and fianc ," Christina said intently. That brought me up short. "I'm not going to mention you, Zane. She'll go down but you will remain scot free." "Why are you doing this to him?" Iona murmured. "He needs to learn his lesson," Faith whispered to her. "Oh," the normally timid freshman responded, "is that what this is? He is so going to own all of you if this is the best you've got." Hope burst out in laughter at the mouse's challenge. The ordeal was over for the period but resumed when class let out again. Iona's schedule was in shambles because Christina had let word get out that Rio and I were out of bounds for anyone else in the school. By the time I went to Archery, my slacks were torn and my knees were bleeding. Chastity did what she could do as my Team Captain but then I was back on my knees heading to Karate. In an abstract way my teammates in Karate knew what was happening to me but when they saw that I could barely move without wincing in pain, they became conflicted. Coach Dana was nice enough to offer to take me to the Chancellor so I could quit and end my suffering. I opted for letting my teammates in the second squad beat me up instead. The only hard part about my dinner plans was the reality that I was the only boy on campus. No one would confuse me with any other student so sneaking off to my dorm was impossible. The answer to my dilemma should have been obvious to Christina, glaring obvious. As it was, I had to get Christina's reaction secondhand as Rio, Iona, and I were cruising into town in my car with civilian clothes helpfully provided by my secret ally. Rio groaned sarcastically when we arrived at our destination where Iona clapped her hands in glee. My argument was that everyone liked ice cream and, while Rio declared the whole endeavor to be juvenile, that didn't stop her from ordering three scopes with whipped cream and sprinkles. I was paying for our outing when three girls walked in. "Zane?" the third girl asked. I took her in only long enough to know she looked better in a swim suit. "Hey, Leigh," I grinned. "You look even better with clothes on." Leigh gave a hearty laugh while her companions tried to make sense of the situation. "The Zane?" the lead woman inquired. I looked at her quizzically. "Zane, our next door neighbor?" How had I suddenly become famous enough to earn a 'The' in front of my name? "Sure, that's me. I've been at school but that's my house," I responded. "This is Tawny Flores, our chapter President, and my sister Ricky Frasier," Leigh said. "Rio Talon, my ex-roommate, and Iona Becket, my cohort in crime," I offered. "Sorority chicks? Seriously, Zane, you need to start raising the bar on the quality of women you hang out with," joked Rio. That went over like a lead balloon. "Your girlfriend is a bit jealous," Leigh broke the silence. "I'm not his girlfriend," Rio grinned viciously. "I prefer boys who've reached puberty." "Tawny, Ricky, and Leigh, I apologize for Rio. We've had some issues with upperclassmen all day long and it has left some of us crankier than others," I said. "Things can be rough for freshmen; we understand," Tawny allowed as she eyed me speculatively. "How about I buy you all some cones?" I offered in return. "We are not here for ice cream, or ice cream in cones," Leigh explained. "We have a party Saturday night, our first of the semester, and we need to place an order for a few gallons." "Cool. I hope you ladies have a blast," I nodded as I moved to join Rio and Iona, letting the sorority girls move to the counter and make their order. They eventually did get some cones and came our way. "Horny sluts at seven o'clock," whispered Rio as they approached me from the rear. "Zane," Tawny smiled down at me, "are you rushing a fraternity?" Rio snorted in derision. "Zane couldn't rush a fraternity," Rio explained. "It would tragically cut down on his time with all his girlfriends." The three older women gazed at me, looking for the punch line. "Here you go," Iona stated, holding up her phone to Tawny. "This is Barbie Lynn, Christina, Chastity, Brandi, Hope, Cappadocia, Opal, she continued to go down the list of women in my life as well as displaying their pictures. The ladies went from skeptical to confused to impressed. "You are sleeping with all these girls, in your first three days of school?" Leigh wondered. "No," Rio pre-empted, "he hasn't actually had sex with all of them. That's silly. The magic thing is how often he gets them to orgasm. What's your record, Zane?" "It is not a contest," I protested. "Oh, come on," Tawny urged me playfully. "Ugh, fine. Seven, but she's really sensitive and responsive, we mesh well," I answered. I'm not sure how many of them got past me saying the number '7'. "Are you going to be home this weekend?" Leigh inquired suddenly. "Planning on it," I replied. "Well, why don't you come by Saturday night, then," Tawny suggested, "unless you are afraid of a little competition." Seeing my uncertainty, she added, "We are having our brother fraternity Alpha Kappa Alpha over for the party. The guy/girl ratio should be two-to-one so I can't promise you any time." "Oh," I shrugged. "Do you want me to bring a friend or two?" "Sure," Tawny grinned, "but make sure to keep an eye on them. The boys of AKA are pretty aggressive." "I'll make sure to only bring the grown-ups," I laughed. We were all still chuckling when we broke up for the evening. I Love Pushing Boulders Uphill "Did you sleep well?" Christina greeted me. Since I'd been Barbie-free last night I had to frown. "Thanks for asking," I shrugged. "I slept like a baby. Honestly, I'd expected a little more creativity from you, not this simplistic jack-booted thuggery. Please try to keep my interest today if you can." "Ah, the smell of burning bitch-flesh," Rio giggled, unleashing her sadomasochistic impulses. Christina didn't rise to the bait. "Let's get some breakfast, on your knees you two," she commanded. Clearly their plan for us involved attrition. During breakfast the idea was to keep us apart, but they apparently forgot we'd all graduated kindergarten. We wandered around like loss little lambs and came to our collision from different angles. My only real worry was that Iona would chicken out since she had always been the good girl. She even sold the slip and spill well. This time Hope was the recipient of our hate and she looked quite fetching covered in grits, eggs, melons, and bacon. The miraculous thing was that the kitchen let us reload. Chastity almost dodged the bullet but we nailed her pretty good as well. As we headed out for our first class, Rio and I on our knees, she turned to me grinning like a maniac. "I am so looking forward to lunch," she told me. "Really? So am I. I'm going to get the soup," I chuckled. "Oh, soup. I like soup. I may get two bowls," Rio exulted. There wasn't time to warn Rio, I had to act, so I threw myself on Rio and took Heaven's kick to the ribs myself. "Heaven!" Christina shouted, but it was too late. I hurt like hell but I was damned if I was going to show it. Rio looked up at me and rapidly put together what had happened. Before she could explode I prodded her. "I hope the croutons in the salad are extra hard," I wheezed. "Zane," Rio whispered, worried about my well-being. "Give them nothing," I winked. "We know what low-life pieces of shit they are now. Give them nothing." Rio nodded and got back on her knees. "Zane, I'm sorry," Christina said softly. I looked up her and projected my most indifferent expression. "Can we get this over with? You bore me," I sneered at Christina. She snorted and shook her head. "Take my books to class, Zane," she commanded, and I headed off. They took Rio and Iona off in another direction. I was bleeding by the time I kneeled my way to lunch. Sadly, Team Christina was vigilant so we had to settle for a few bites sitting up against a wall before a Dorm Mother directed us to separate seats. We buried her in soup and crotons for her efforts, then apologized profusely. Doctor Burns chastised and lectured us about good Christian virtues. The senile old bastard almost let us go back for seconds but a different Dorm Mother pointed out the danger just in time. The craziest thing was that they let me go to Marksmanship because it wasn't like I wanted to climb up on the water tower and take pot shots with a high powered rifle at anyone; right? "Let me bandage your knees," Hope asked me. I looked to the rest of the class who couldn't bring themselves to meet my gaze, then laughed. "What is wrong with my knees?" I questioned. She pointed out the holes in my pants and the blood still oozing out of my torn flesh. "Really. I hadn't noticed," I winced as I moved to get my gear. "You could get infected," Hope insisted. "At what point do you think I lost faith in your capacity for compassion, Hope?" I sighed. "Let's get to work. Inside this class, you are the instructor; outside of this class, you sicken me." I actually did pretty well working wind drift and range-finding during the class and Hope gave me a mild compliment on my growing proficiency. I listened but said nothing. When the rest of the group dispersed, Hope held me back. Heaven was waiting to make me crawl to her class. "That was uncalled for," Hope insisted. "We are only doing what we have to do." "The failure of your courage is only eclipsed by your lack of principles, Hope," I verbally slapped her which only made her angrier. "Maybe you can put some weights in my back pack to make yourself feel better, or would you rather sow the sidewalk with salt?" If Hope was expecting me to back down, she was sorely disappointed. "So, are you going to get revenge on me too?" she mocked me. I looked mildly amused and insulted. "Hope, you aren't worth my vengeance. You don't matter to me. You are a tool, an obstacle, and nothing more and I have things that actually matter and I need to concentrate on so if you would please get out of my way, I believe Heaven wants to show me what an inhuman beast she can be." "You have to pay for that," Heaven growled at me as I struggled along on all fours to Orienteering. "Remember this moment, Heaven, because when I break Christina, she is going to be crying out your name and you aren't going to be able to do anything to help her, and after all she's done for you," I taunted her. That earned me two sharp kicks to the ribs to add to the one I'd already had. I picked myself up and continued on our way. Orienteering was brutal and I suffered a good deal of humiliation at Heaven's hands. I quietly took it. As if that wasn't enough, Heaven walked me to my study period and Faith took me to the Dining Hall. Rio looked pretty brutal and Iona had been crying but at least they'd been bandaged up. Ms. Goodswell came up to me in the dinner line. "You need to have someone look at those wounds. You could also use a fresh pair of pants." "There is nothing wrong with my knees," I said in a bland monotone. "You are bleeding into your socks, Zane," she informed me. I looked down and nodded. "Yes, that seems to be the case. Can I get my dinner now?" I inquired calmly. "No, Zane. Go to the Infirmary and get that taken care of," Ms. Goodswell insisted. "I invoke my right to refuse medical treatment due to religious convictions," I grinned. "Zane, you could develop permanent damage," Virginia warned me. "No. You hypocrites can cripple me if you like but you aren't pinning this on me. I don't recall wanting to walk anywhere on my knees. I'm not going to quit though; if you want to get rid of me, you will have to become more inventive than this," I told her. When she didn't reply I went back to my place in line. Christina tagged me heading toward the dorm. Chastity had Rio and Faith had Iona. "What do you think we'll have for breakfast?" Rio joked. "Keep quiet," Christina cautioned us. "I'm hoping for corned beef hash covered in ketchup," I responded. "I told you to be quiet," Christina ordered. "Which one of us are you talking to?" Rio teased. "I want milk and cereal," Iona suggested. "Quiet," Faith told Iona with a hand on her shoulder. They decided that we should be getting back to our rooms to study but the elevator wouldn't be necessary; we could take the stairs, on our knees. I wasn't sure Iona could make it; she was the shortest and weakest of us. But it turned out I needn't have bothered. We opened the door to the stairwell and there stood Barbie Lynn. "I've got it from here," she told Christina and company cheerfully. The idea that Barbie Lynn was here to save me was kind of funny. "That is not how it works," Christina informed her. "No, Christina, read the Handbook. My dorm, my rules, and my rules say that if you don't belong in my dorm, you can leave, now," Barbie Lynn countered with determination. "Don't do this, Barbie Lynn; they will expel you. You are hardly bulletproof," Christina warned Barbie. "At what point did we cease being the Israelites and become the Philistines?" Barbie answered. "If you do this I'll have to report you," Christina explained. "In thirty minutes you won't be Dorm Mother. Think about your future." "I am," Barbie Lynn stated. "Do I really want or deserve a future if I do nothing now? I don't think so." There was a pause, then, "Get out." Christina's gang turned and left, Chastity last of all. "Barbie Lynn, have his legs taken care of before his pride cuts him in half," she said meaningfully. Barbie nodded, then Chastity ran to catch up with the others. "Let's get you to your rooms before they come back," Barbie Lynn urged us. "Can we take the elevator? I'm not sure I can take all these stairs," I groaned. "Baby," snorted Rio, but I noted she was the first one to hobble for the elevator. Iona drew close to me, looking for some small comfort. "What are we going to do?" she whispered to me. "Rio and I are going to tough it out; we don't have any real options. You are going to be sick tomorrow and go to the Infirmary. After that, they should leave you alone as long as you avoid us," I told her. "No," Iona responded. "I can't leave the two of you alone here." "Get over yourself," mocked Rio. "You are slowing us down. Zane and I are hardcore bad-asses and you're nothing but a dweeb." That was Rio's way of saying 'I like you.' Iona began sobbing. "I'll take care of her as long as I can," Barbie Lynn frowned as she wrapped an arm around Iona. "Thanks for everything, Barbie Lynn. Sorry for dragging you down in all of this," I told my blonde dynamite. "Ha," she laughed. "I've had more fun, felt better, in the past four days than I've felt in the past three years here." "Man, that is so pathetic," choked Rio. "If my life was so damn boring, I'd have become a shit-faced drunk by now." I think that was Rio saying 'thank you' but I wasn't sure. We made our way to our rooms and wisely settled in for the night. Around eight-thirty Barbie came to my room and escorted me to the bathroom for my own 'safety'. "Thank you. What are you going to tell your family and fianc ?" I asked. Barbie Lynn shrugged. "Can I move in with your Aunt if things don't work out?" she countered. "Sure. Do you think it will come to that?" I answered. "Well, I'm definitely not marrying Jerome, that's for sure," she grinned. "He's about as interesting as a box of rocks and he's got a tiny cock ta' boot. Lord above, all he wants to do is work in his Daddy's bank and play golf while I stay home and make babies." "Umm, Barbie Lynn, I don't see us getting married so if I, I stammered. "Lord Jesus," Barbie laughed, "if I married you I'd have to convert to Islam because I'd need at least three other wives to keep up with you. You are fun, Zane, and you've never lied to me about anything." "Barbie Lynn, I've lied to you," I admitted shyly. "What about?" she questioned. "You know those tiny little grunting noises you make between orgasms?" Barbie Lynn blushed but nodded. "Well, I don't like them; I love them. In fact, last time I rushed you through one orgasm just so I could listen to those sounds." "You are a bad man," Barbie laughed musically. "I don't believe you." "Oh, so I'm going to have to prove myself, am I?" I gasped in mock protest. "I'm counting on it," she smiled seductively back at me. "When this nuttiness is over, I'll do that," I grinned. Barbie Lynn looked suddenly sad. "Is this going to end, in a good way?" she sighed. "Five-thirty tomorrow I'm in my car and driving out of here for the weekend. I'd like you to be with me," I told her. "I can't be gone all weekend long, Zane. I'm Dorm Mother," she explained. "How about Saturday night? I've made some plans," I hinted. "Hmm, okay, but how are you going to stop them from catching you if you come back? Escaping tomorrow is going to be tough enough," she pointed out. "I'll think of something," I sighed. What that was; I had no idea. When I got to the top of the stairs after my bathroom break I noticed Chastity and Hope waiting for me. I could have said 'what do you want?' but I decided on a softer approach. "What can I do for you, the two ladies most likely to kill at a distance, this fine evening?" "We came by to see if you, Iona, and Rio were doing okay," Chastity related to me. "How's Iona? I imagine Rio was less than cooperative," I responded. "Rio told us if we came in by the door we were leaving by the window," Hope informed me. "Iona is doing okay physically but she's beaten up on the inside." "She says you threw her out of your little club," Chastity went fishing for confirmation. "Yes, she's out. I no longer give a crap what happens to her," I lied. Hope and Chastity snorted in disbelief. "She didn't tell you, did she?" Chastity questioned me. Since the answer was 'no' I kept silent. "The Chancellor instructed her to abandon you and Rio and to help the rest of us get you two expelled," Hope informed me. All I could think of was, poor Iona, stuck in that spot. "She responded with a tale of one of the early martyrs," Chastity picked up the story. "All the martyr had to do to save her life from the lions is renounce Christ and kiss the hem of Caesar's robe. The young girl responded, 'I would rather spend my last hour in the dust with the Christians, ' ', than live ten thousand more days as a Roman,' I completed the story. Sure, the story came from a hundred years after the real Caesar was dead, but who really cared? "I don't think that went over well." "I imagine a less than sterling letter was fired off to her parents," Hope suggested. "Fine," I muttered after a moment. "What?" Chastity inquired. "Chastity and Hope, I apologize for what I said earlier. I was pissed and I lashed out when you were stuck in the same fucked up situation I'm in," I admitted. "Apology accepted," Chastity grinned. "Don't make a habit of pissing me off, Zane," Hope cautioned me, "and the next one of you to come at me with a food tray gets it in the teeth." "Why did you pick Hope and me?" Chastity asked about the food trays we'd dumped on them. "I'm not saying we plotted anything but if we did, we would have created a random list for each meal. We get target one, then go to target two, and so on," I answered. "If it was randomized it would be harder for you guys to figure out who was next." "Do you have any other retaliatory actions planned out?" Hope inquired. "What do you think?" I smirked. "How did you plan all this out?" Hope persisted. "Since you are still dedicated to having us expelled, I don't feel it is prudent to tell you," I replied. I was hardly going to admit Iona set it all up, including that little trick of blanking out our call logs. "Fine. Let's get out of here, Chastity," Hope sighed. "I'll be with you in a minute," Chastity told Hope. When Hope was halfway down the stairs, Chastity turned to me with a sly grin. "How did you know I'd help you?" she whispered. "For that matter, how did you slip me the note and the key?" "I promise I'll tell you one day, Chastity," I replied. I could hardly tell her that Ms. Goodswell had slipped my message and her key into Chastity's pack. That Chastity would actually gather up the clothes that Rio, Iona, and I needed was the greater risk. She'd done it and we'd made our Wednesday night getaway for ice cream. I still wasn't sure why Virginia had known Chastity would do it but figuring it all out would be fun. It wasn't as good as sex but, well; it wasn't as good as sex. The Object is not to Die "Let me wash you," Opal requested of me as I entered the bathroom the next morning. Warning her that I was poison was pointless. I looked, smelled, and sounded like trouble. I imagine if I asked her, she'd tell me I tasted like trouble too, but I didn't want to tempt fate. "I can keep your bandages dry," she promised. Mentally, I cracked when she finished rinsing my hair. "Why are you doing this?" I had to know. "Zane, you are the only non-related male I'm going to be in contact with for the next two years. If I let you go, I'm going to lapse into homosexuality," she explained. I couldn't resist. "Does that mean you would be opposed to a three-way?" I grinned. "I don't know," she mused, "who do you have in mind?" "Brandi; she is cute and receptive," I suggested. "Good choice," Opal beamed, "she's scrumptious. Do you think she's game? Don't bother, I'll snare her in; you make sure you show up, okay?" Up until this point in time I'd been fooling around but I had the distinct impression that Opal wasn't. "Let me guess; you are on the Soccer team," I chuckled. "Striker," Opal responded. "I should have known; you have that killer instinct," I sighed knowingly. "I know what I want and I go for it," she smiled as she closed with me and stroked my member. It was to our immense mutual disappointment that we simply didn't have the time to take it any further. I could appreciate Barbie Lynn throwing herself under the proverbial bus for us but I really wish she didn't look so sexy doing it. She stood with Rio, Iona, and me as we walked out of the dorm toward Christina and company. Rio and I exchanged conspiratorial glances with Iona. "I'm hoping for oatmeal," Rio quipped. "I'm betting on pancakes and syrup," I replied. "Oh, hot syrup," mused Iona. "I like syrup. It turns pancakes into fly paper." We walked up to our tormentors and held out our arms for their book bags, which they dutifully handed over. As we got ready to assume our kneeling position, Christina cleared her throat. "What are you doing?" Christina commented dryly. Seeing our confusion, she sniffed derisively, then added, "I haven't got all day." With that, she turned and walked off at a good clip we had to jog to keep up with. We hobbled into the Dining Hall without a word being said but when we got into the food line, Rio broke the spell. "Does this mean we don't dump food on them?" she whispered. "They've tossed us an olive branch so we shouldn't shower them with defoliant just yet," I suggested. "We need to know what they are up to," Iona added. That was the thing none of us had an answer to so we were served and went searching for someplace to sit. Cappadocia, Captain Willie, and another Karate teammate named Evangeline caught sight of us and chose that moment to rise and take their trays away, leaving us three adjacent seats. We leapt on them in an instant since another part of the Enemy's plan was to keep us isolated from one another. "I hate to rain on our parade but Queen Christina at six o'clock," Rio muttered. "Phone," Christina demanded of Iona. "We are in the Dining Hall," Rio spat, "you can't demand shit from us." "Watch your language, felon," Christina responded drolly. "It is Friday, Christina, in case you forgot. Your time is running out," I warned Christina that her time to make an apology to Rio was coming to an end. She looked haughtily down her nose at me. "Here you go," Iona said meekly. She had a point; even if we won here, Christina would jump us the moment we left the sanctuary of the Dining Hall. Christina took the phone and typed a message in, then sent it before returning it to Iona. Without explanation the Queen strutted away. "What was that about?" Rio muttered to Iona who was checking her text log. "She put Zane back on the market," Iona whispered in disbelief. "What the fuck!" Rio squeaked, trying to keep her shock from echoing across the hall. I looked around and saw phones ringing and the ripple of the word spreading out as girls looked my way. "What do we do, Zane?" Iona asked. I had to think that over and a grin slowly creased my face. "Give me ten names: Juniors and seniors only," I smiled. That would be part of my party list. "How is that going to help us get those bitches?" Rio asked. "Rio, living well is the best revenge, and I finally figured out how we are going to live well," I explained. My two companions didn't get it yet but Iona was busy getting my names. "What do I do with the list?" Iona asked. "Ask them to my party," I winked and the lights came on. "Sweet!" gloated Rio, "but how are we going to get away with it? The Chancellor is going to be watching us like a hawk." "Do you trust me?" I asked Rio and Iona. Iona nodded but Rio looked incredulous. "Why in the hell should I trust you, Jungle Boy?" Rio taunted me. "Because the other option has you crying tears of loneliness into your pillow tomorrow night, Arizona," I teased right back. Rio was from Arizona in the same way I was from the jungles of Thailand. Breakfast was drawing to a close so I had to make my move. When Christina and crew put their trays up I followed them quickly outside. "Glutton for punishment?" Hope questioned as I finished my approach. "I need a moment alone with Christina," I responded. Heaven snarled at me; very becoming. "So, I no longer bore you?" Christina threw my earlier words back in my face. "I need a favor and it will help me with your demise," I grinned because I knew I had her; the girl couldn't stand not knowing what I was up to, or so I prayed. Christina shrugged her indifference but motioned for me to follow her off to the side, away from the others. "So, after I've already done you two favors today, what else do you want of me?" she asked. I had to admit that she was no longer making me crawl on my knees and she'd freed me up for gentler hands, but I had my needs. "I want you to go to an off-campus party with me tomorrow night," I beamed hopefully. Christina studied me, clearly looking for my deceptive angle, but when none became evident, a smile slowly forced its way across her lips. "Okay, Zane, I give up. What is the catch?" Christina chuckled. "There is a Sorority party at my neighbor's house. They are inviting a fraternity over and I imagine a few people will crash. I've been invited and I was thinking we could bring around twenty of our girls for a fun night out," I explained. "Zane, we are a Christian Girls school; we don't do the whole partying, drinking, and spending time with strange boys thing," she lectured me. "You'll have fun," I promised her. "An hour ago you hated me," she pointed out. "How do I know this isn't some kind of trick?" "Sure, I hated you an hour ago, but that was then and I'm not going to waste my time fighting past battles. Besides, you did the right thing, though you took your time doing it," I answered. "Also, who in the Administration would I work for? I certainly wouldn't go outside the school." "Yet you are still going after me about Rio," Christina said. "That has to do with how you treat people, not what you did in the past," I corrected her. "If I leave it alone you will continue to treat people that don't conform to your world view like dirt." "You aren't going to win, Zane, but I tell you what; drop this silly vendetta and I'll consider going to that party," she offered. "Oh, I'll keep my vendetta and see you at the party anyway," I laughed which made Christina cross. "What makes you think that?" she replied through narrowed eyes. "You are fearless, hungry for knowledge, and you never pass up a challenge where there is even a remote chance of success. You won't go for me; you will go because this is something you can do and do well, and you can't pass up an opportunity to shine," I pointed out. "So you are attempting to flatter me with a fictitious character assessment," she chided in return. Busted! "You are not calling me a liar," I countered. We locked gazes for a few seconds. "I wish you were older," she commented. "Younger means I have more stamina," I offered. "Older means more experience, more to offer, and greater competition," she volleyed. "Younger means you can teach them more, less baggage, and a stronger desire to catch their quarry," I grinned. "Is that what I am to you; quarry?" Christina questioned me. "No. You are the girl I'm going to marry," I stated matter of factly before turning and running for Assembly. As it was, we were on the verge of being late, though Rio and Iona saved me a seat. Rio tried to get me to tell her what happened but I warned her to silence with the fey light in my gaze. When we got out a senior named Janice snatched me up. Her trick was dueling Bible verses. Sometimes I don't get chicks at all but I guess she thought she was doing my soul some good. The crew was waiting at my car when I was preparing to make my exit from campus. Christina was sitting on the hood of my car when I showed up. She pushed up and met me a few steps forward. "We've discussed it and we'll go," she told me, "but don't think this means even remotely that I'll ever marry you." By the looks on their faces this was the first her girl posse had heard about my intentions. "Oh, you will marry me," I said, feeling terribly self-assured. "I won't settle for anyone less and neither will you." Christina smirked but there was this light in her eyes. Chastity laughed while Faith and Hope looked stunned. Heaven looked pole-axed. I got in my car and rolled out for the short drive home. It was Friday night and I still had a lot to do before Saturday's party. To say that the situation with Aunt Jill at home was awkward would have been an understatement. Last Monday before I met with the Chancellor, Jill got a call from the university telling her that she'd sent a boy to a girl's school. I imagine it was some consolation that she hadn't bragged to our church about where I was going to school yet. "So, umm, Jill began as we sat down to eat dinner, "your Spiritual Advisor tells me you are making great strides in your Christian education. She also says you are well-received by your fellow students and that they don't hold your, condition against you." "Actually, several girls have shown great concern over my well-being," I expressed. "A few have told me they want to stop by the house tomorrow night and make sure I'm okay," I added. I could see Jill balk. "By that, I mean that twenty of them want to come over." The sheer number first worried, then impressed her. Surely she must be thinking that I'd be safe with so many women around. "That's good news, Zane. I was worried that you would be a slave to your baser nature but I see Jesus Christ has provided you with a new direction," Jill smiled lovingly. I decided not to tell her that the tools Christ had chosen were young ladies like Barbie Lynn, Rio, Iona, Chastity, and Opal, and I definitely knew better than to tell her about the party we would all be going to. "Speaking of new directions, I notice you are still wearing the clothes the young ladies next door picked out for you," I re-directed the conversation. Jill looked down at her plate for a minute. "I bought some of my old styles Monday but when I wore them Tuesday, a co-worker asked me if there had been a death in the family. What a horrid thing to say," she groaned. "Have you garnered any male attention?" I inquired, deeply curious. "Nothing you need worry about," Jill turned away, "I have one man in my life and you're more than enough for me to handle." "Jill, if you like I could come home one or two days a week for dinner; campus is so close," I offered, "and I'm sure my Dorm Mother won't mind." Jill looked up and studied me. "That would be nice, Zane. I know we didn't get off to a good start here but I'm willing to work at it if you are," she stated. "Kathryn has offered to come out here for a few weeks once harvest is done," Jill continued. I didn't know Kathryn, Jill's older sister, except for the few pictures I'd seen. I knew she'd been the first woman Uncle Tim was interested in but she ended up marrying a church elder thirty years her senior. She was like Jill, except thirty-seven years of age and a bit thicker. She worked on the family farm in Oregon doing, well, farmer shit. Jill said we could expect her the first week in November so we had better get the guest bedrooms ready for the visit. We caught a movie on TV, drank some wine, and talked about campus, classes and such. Jill had gone to an open university were Christian students were penalized for their beliefs (so she felt) and was fascinated with the idea of a place where Christian women alone sat in judgment of other Christian women. I pledged then and there to never put Rio and Jill alone in the same room together because I'd surely end up an orphan. In the morning, Jill and I picked up the place (Jill was a haphazard housekeeper), did some laundry, and went grocery shopping. In the checkout line I said something inane and Jill gave me an exaggerated giggle that I was becoming all too familiar with. It was the one a woman gives to a man when they think the man wants to be found amusing. It is kind of endearing when it comes from a teenage girl but a bit creepy when it comes from your female guardian. Jill really needed a man in her life but I was at a loss as to how to make it happen. Unfortunately, I had things to do after we ate lunch, namely going back to school to pick up Rio and Iona for a shopping trip. Rio had been stripped of all her 'party-wear' when her parents shipped her here and Iona never had anything like it at all. "Barbie Lynn wanted to see you in your room," Rio grumbled when Iona and I showed up in her abode. I had no idea what that was about so I left Iona in Rio's room and headed to the Solarium on my own. When I got to the top of the stairs Barbie's gaze met mine from my bed where she was sitting. She glanced past me to see if I brought company. "Are we alone?" she purred. I nodded in agreement, at which point Barbie Lynn sat up on the bed on her knees facing away from me. Slowly, looking over her shoulder, she hiked up her skirt until her bare-naked bum was revealed to me. "I've missed you," she moaned, then she began rubbing her right ass cheek and added, "We've both missed you." I stalked toward her, barely able to restrain the desire to pounce on her proffered posterior. Barbie grinned lustfully, went down to her hands and, as I was taking my pants and underwear off, she collapsed further onto her elbows, pushing her ass out even more. I started to caress her thighs, flank, and back, planting kisses along the way, when I noticed her ass crack and anus was slick with lubricant. "No foreplay; just fuck me," Barbie Lynn demanded with a voice heavy with need. I aimed my cock to her anus and slowly pushed in. Barbie gave a sharp intake of breath as her resistance was overcome, followed by this deep, animalistic vocalization of pleasure. Her breathing came in sharper and sharper gasps as I pushed steadily in until I was totally encased by her flesh. I put my weight on her back, reaching around and fondling her breasts through her shirt, no bra which, with Barbie's cleavage, was erotic and impractical yet wonderful to the touch. Our bodies synchronized into some really violent, ravenous sex when Barbie looked over her shoulder at me. "So, you are going to marry Christina?" she panted. I couldn't read her emotional state. "Yes, in about three or four years," I answered. "What about me, about us?" she whimpered as her passion began slipping her control. "You are a great friend, Barbie Lynn, but I don't love you. Is this going to be a problem?" I breathed heavily. "No," she rasped with a smile on her lips and eyes shut, "I wouldn't give up our time together for anything. Okay, it hurts a little, knowing I'm going to lose you one day." "We'll never lose what we have right now," I grunted as Barbie began to tremble against me. Her anal muscles began to squeeze and contort around me. Eyes squinted, she gave me a wicked little smile and I rewarded her with a sharp slap to the ass. Barbie hopped up but her fists kept clenching my sheets. "Oh, Zane," she gasped. I spanked her two more times hard and Barbie Lynn cried out, "Lord Jesus!" she called out in her own inimical way as the first major tremor grabbed her body. I hammered away for three more strokes when her heat and passion overcame me and I erupted into her ass. Barbie pushed up and back against me for over a minute before we finally collapsed on the bed, panting and sweating profusely. We lay there, young and vital, soaking up each other's warmth until Barbie Lynn wiggled her ass against me and sighed contentedly. "You're still hard," she murmured. "Whose fault is that, you vixen?" I teased her between deep breaths. "Don't you need to go shopping?" she titillated back. "Do I look like I want to go shopping?" I responded with both words and a jab with my cock. "Damn, oh damn," she moaned, as she stroked my cock with anal contractions. "Okay, one more time, then you have to go," she whimpered lustfully. "Two fucking hours!" Rio spat. "Jesus Christ, man, can she still walk?" Okay, so we did it more than one more time, I must confess, but I wasn't telling Rio that. "She was asleep when I left her," I stated, "but I think she's ambulatory." Iona blushed which reminded me that I still owed her a full-body hot oil massage. "Were you ever not the Hammer of God?" Rio questioned me about my sexual prowess. "Well," I chuckled, "my first sexual encounter, from stripping off our clothes to my shot, was less than a minute. I got one stroke in, pulled out too far, and ejaculated

Christian College Sex Comedy: Part 1 When Glen Zane Braxton is accidentally accepted into a fundamentalist women s college. In 30 parts, By FinalStand. Listen to the podcast at Explicit Novels. Leading up to the first day of college. Every old trick was invented by someone once upon a time. A Little Background: Hi. My name is Glenn Zane Braxton but everyone calls me Zane. I'm a good-looking (or so I'm told) athletic kid just over six feet tall and just under two hundred pounds. I get my Nordic looks from my Mom who hails from Norway. I apparently get my optimistic attitude and loose moral structure from my Dad, though I was to learn that Mom was a bit freaky too. My parents were killed in a rock climbing accident when I was fifteen so I was sent to live with my Uncle Tim (Dad's younger brother) and Aunt Jill. Unfortunately for me, while my parents had been rich hedonists, Tim and Jill were fundamentalist Christians doing missionary work in northern Thailand. I spent the next two-and-a-half years in a place where a paved road was a luxury. I have nothing against Christianity; I consider myself a decent Christian but I believe my faith stops at the next person's 'I'm not interested'. My aunt and uncle were a very different breed. They believed that it was every Christian's duty to convert our little brown brothers and sisters (no shit, this is what Tim told me) whether they wanted it or not. Needless to say, I witnessed them busting their self-righteous heads against the faith and traditions of these ancient people they'd come to 'help enlighten,' while I learned all about Thai culture, cuisine, and kick-boxing. I learned that spending time with Thai women was a hell of a way to get another kind of education too. On the down side, Tim beat me whenever he found out about the women. To get back at him, I spent time with Buddhist monks - score one for the Zen! Three months ago there was an incredibly brutal monsoon and something possessed Tim to go down to the river to save people. Since every sane individual was running away from the river, I pleaded that we go with the people that actually knew what was going on. Instead, I ended up with my Aunt and Uncle hip deep in the muddy water when an uprooted tree hit Tim and Jill. Like a fool I jumped into the flood waters after them. I got to Jill - Tim was a goner. Afterwards, when I realized that no Tim meant a return to the States, I was not crying tears of joy - that would have been cruel. After they gave up the search for Tim, Jill and I returned to Western Civilization. Jill surprised me by actually having a college degree that was useful and she got a job in Virginia working as an insurance adjuster for a nice sized company. I had completed my high school credits online back in Thailand and passed my college entrance exam so I was looking forward to partying it up somewhere far away from Jill. Fate has a funny way of laughing at me, though. For some byzantine reason, Dad set up my trust fund so that I would get a fraction of my inheritance when I turned eighteen, as long as I was in an institution of higher learning approved of by Tim and Jill - now just Jill. Otherwise, I had to wait until I was twenty-one. I wanted to go to the University of Hawaii Jill found a nice little place close to what she called home, real close. Speaking of home; our living arrangements were courtesy of Tim's generous insurance policy and his own little share of Dad's family's money. She bought us an expansive two-story spread with nice large yards, front and back, right where the countryside hits the suburbs. I wished we had a pool and even offered to dip into my own funds to have one put in but since pools were 'cesspits of depravity' Jill nixed the notion. Getting a car was also an interesting discussion. Jill said 'no way' and wouldn't budge until we noticed that our neighbors were two nice looking ladies in their twenties (I guessed). On the day we moved in I went over to talk (I'm drawn to women like a comet to the Sun) and spent over an hour getting to know them. There were two big pluses about their place; one was the large pool in back, which the girls (there turned out to be more than two) promised I could use whenever I wanted, real nice of them. The other one was, When I got home I told Jill not to worry about the car; the cute lesbian couple offered to pick me up from school whenever I needed a ride. "Are they atheists?" Jill gasped. Apparently them being homosexuals wasn't enough? "Nah, they are Wiccans," I lied again with a smile. We went car shopping the next day. I figured I would tell Jill we lived next to a sorority house (to the other university in town) at some later date. What Not to Wear Moving in turned out to be half the battle for my life at the new house. Next came the clothing war. Personally, I think I look great naked and do wonderful with people of the female persuasion but in Virginia they arrest you for this. Since I only have a twenty percent chance of being taken in by a female police officer (or the five percent of the male officers who are out and-out homosexuals), I'm going to go to jail if I go around nude. My solution was to look around the local teenage hangouts, websites, and social networks to get me a style that would be both individualistic yet fit in. Aunt Jill was of the opinion that my school uniform (see below) would be my normal look. When I told her I'd use my own money to get what I wanted she threatened to throw them out because I was still living under her roof. I got pissed off and since my outlet options were pretty limited, I stupidly went to my room and did what every teenage boy should never do when their female guardian is at home - maybe I have malaria and the fever was clouding my thought processes. In Thailand I would simply go out into the jungle Jill never went out into the wilderness if she could help it. There was no jungle and Jill knew right where my room was, and since it was her house, she barged right in. Half way through giving me a piece of her mind Jill noticed me, the Vaseline, the box of Kleenex, and what my hand was pumping. I yanked the comforter on my bed, trying to cover myself, which resulted in my flipping off the bed (I was sitting on the comforter) and rolling to Jill's feet. Jill stood there with her mouth wide open, eyes glued to my cock. I stopped pumping but my rod wouldn't go down despite my shame, not of my erection but because I didn't like sexually taunting a recent widow. "That's, that's disgusting," she gasped while still fixated on my erection. I wiggled around so that I could pull up my underwear and slacks. Once my cock was under cover Jill started harping on me. "You vile pervert," she seethed. "What is the meaning of you showing your, thing to me? You are filthy. Wash your sheets then wash your hands then never do this again." "Um, Jill, Aunt Jill, I'm an eighteen-year-old male. I need to masturbate," I informed her. "Not in this house," she said shrilly. I grabbed the tissues and Vaseline, then headed for the door. "Where are you going?" she worried. "Into the woods out back," I answered as I tried to move past her. "I kind of need to finish this." "You will do no such thing," Jill gasped as she grabbed my arm, "you might be seen, and it's wrong." First priority for Jill was social appearances while my spiritual well-being was somewhat less important at that moment. "Jill," I cautioned her, "I really need to knock one out. I'm stressed." Jill grabbed the Vaseline and tissues from my hands, not because she was stronger but because in my own twisted way, I still acknowledged Jill as my authority figure; not much of one, but one nonetheless. Ripping them away from her wasn't an option so, "Jill, you are my only parent now. I need to come to you about, things sexual," I suggested. "No," Jill responded with some shock. "There will be no sex in this house. You will have sex when you are married and not before, ever. Even then, sex is only for procreation." "Jill, I'm not a virgin," I informed her. Her jaw dropped but I'm not sure if it was shock, horror, or something else. "You've had sex with a girl?" she whispered. "Aunt Jill, I had twenty girlfriends back at the mission," I related. "Did, Did Tim know? How did it happen? When did you do it?" she stammered. "Tim knew; that is why he kept beating my ass. "It happened simply enough; we would be bathing down at the river and if we liked what we'd seen and if things clicked, we'd go fool around. Sometimes we'd kiss and touch and sometimes we'd have sex; you know, blowjobs, cunnilingus, vaginal and anal sex," I continued. "Gack, ah, oh, God preserve me," Jill sputtered. "As for when, the best time was right after Bible study when you and Tim were preoccupied with the parents and us kids could sneak off to a house and fool around in the common room, and then couples would pair up and have sex in the bedrooms," I finished. "Oh, poor Tim," Jill moaned as she slumped against the door sill. "Can I have my stuff and go now?" I asked softly. "No," she snapped. We kind of stood there for a minute before she asked, "Were you sneaking peeks of me at the river?" "Umm," I half turned away, "yeah, I did." Jill looked offended. "You are very sexy, Jill," I attempted to mollify her. It didn't work. "You pervert, you freak, that's incest. It is against God's Laws!" she screamed at me. "Jill, we are not blood related, and I never said I actually wanted to sleep with you, only that you have a very nice body," I countered calmly. "Shut up! Stop talking," she shouted, before storming off, leaving me even more frustrated. An hour later Jill sent me out to get some pizza but when I got back she wasn't in the house, though her car was still in the garage. I smelled smoke and followed the scent out into the backyard. I saw what Jill was doing; she didn't need to tell me what she was up to but she did it anyway. "I think we need to put your misspent time in Thailand behind you," she announced, "so I've decided it is best to get rid of all the clothes, books, and statues you brought back." "You should have asked me," I stated. Of course, this meant War. "You are awash in sin, Zane," she answered in this twisted, loving tone. I turned and went in the house. What had that monk said to me when I'd discussed my relationship with Tim and Jill? One does not build a house of stone out of grass Which he suggested meant petty payback satisfies little and is soon gone, but real revenge comes from working permanent change on your opponent. Over the next four days I ordered a secure chest online, withdrew my bank limit each day, and started taking a pitcher of grape juice to my room at bedtime (it will make sense in a moment). I decided to start my plan Sunday night. Stage One: after Jill has gone to bed, fill her car up with gas and report all her credit cards and bank card stolen. We have plenty of food in the kitchen and Jill takes her lunch to work so with the car full of gas she won't immediately notice her cards are useless tomorrow. Also withdraw yet another five hundred dollars with my bank card, which is the daily limit. Stage Two: Once Jill has gone to work, I put three of her Sunday's Best into the steel chest, to which I have the only combination. Burn every piece of ultra-conservative matronly-wear, from underwear to bathrobes to jackets. Now that mid-morning has come, I head over to the Sorority House and enlist the aid of my two new friends, Leigh and Corrie. We go clothes shopping with the money I've saved up. Each 'sister' gets one thing (for services rendered) and the rest of the money we dump on getting Jill everything a sexually confident and active twenty-something would wear (Jill's only thirty) as well as getting me some normal clothes. I'm not going to attempt to make Jill dress like a hooker; that would never work. Jill's been warped by her narrow-minded environment for all of her three decades so making her more tolerant is going to take time. Stage Three: As we are heading to the bedrooms that evening I 'accidently' bump into Jill and soak her with a pitcher of grape juice she now knows I'm taking to my room on a regular basis. Grape juice doesn't come out and a pitcher will soak her down to her underwear and bra. "Sorry, Aunt Jill," I blathered. "Oh, Zane, this dress is totally ruined. I should make you pay to replace it," she sounded cross. "Consider it done," I offered. Technically, I'd already bought her a new one. Jill went into the bathroom muttering Leviticus before tossing me a roll of paper towels to clean up the spilled juice. "Zane?" Jill called from the bathroom with a hint of concern. "Yes?" I responded from the hallway. "Where is my bathrobe?" she inquired. "In the laundry," I lied. I hear her putter around for a few seconds, then, "Go to your room and shut the door," she ordered me. I got up and made a point of noisily shutting my door. Half a minute later the bathroom door squeaked open and I heard Jill pad quietly to her room and shut the door. I opened my door and sprinted to the bathroom. I retrieved her clothes from the hamper and tossed them in the sink, got the carefully secreted lighter fluid from underneath, doused them, and tossed in a lit match. At the same time as I'm doing this, I heard Jill slamming dresser drawers open and shut. "ZANE!" Boy, what have you done?" Jill shouted from her room. I raced out of the bathroom (on purpose) at the same time Jill burst out of her room so we were basically five feet apart when Jill remembered that she was naked; I was barefoot in pajama bottoms. Jill's look was priceless as she realized that the number of men who'd seen her totally naked since she hit puberty had just doubled. She spun around and bolted into her room, door slamming shut once more. It took her a few moments to form a plan. "Zane, go to your room and shut the door," she growled with a tad more control. "Sure thing." I grinned as I walked to my room, shut the door, and leaned against it waiting for what I knew would unfold next. Sure enough, Jill raced to the bathroom. "Zane, where is my dress?" "In the sink," I told her. Three, two, one. "ZANE! What have you done!" she screamed once more. "My bra, my underwear, my hose, she sobbed. "Jane, you have a robe in your closet. If you want, put it on and come to my room so we can talk this over," I suggested. I didn't hear anything for fifteen minutes as I waited on my bed. Finally, the door swung open slowly and Jill took a half step into my room. Her eyes were downcast in shame but her voice was full of hurt and anger. In her mind there was no possible reason for me to have done this. She was pulling off the Hurt Little Girl bit really well with her mid-thigh crimson satin robe and her wavy, deep-red hair flowing loosely over her shoulders and down her back. "I can't believe you picked this out for me to wear, Zane. Now where are my clothes?" she ground out. "Jill, you look good in that, really good, but I didn't pick it out for you. I had our next-door neighbors do that because you are all beautiful young women," I explained. "If you tell me what color you are wearing, I'll tell you where your clothes are." Jill stood stock still as she worked out that I was talking about her panties. "Blue, the deep blue ones, with the black, lace," she whispered. "Not the white?" I had to ask since I would have guessed this was the first pair of non-white panties she'd ever worn. Her constricted mind had expanded a tiny bit. "The white ones were nearly see-through," she answered after a second. I had to agree with that. "I put your clothes exactly where you put all the stuff I brought back from Thailand," I answered. It took a moment for that to sink in. Her burning green eyes popped up in shock. "What am I going to wear to work tomorrow?" she wailed. "I'll tell you if you agree to one request I have for you," I replied with compassion. "Fine," she hiccupped. She was so body conscious that she wasn't really thinking about the implications of what she was saying but I believed she would still honor her word. "I want you to wear your hair down all day tomorrow, or in a ponytail, but that's it," I ordered. Jill looked at me truly confused; she always wore it in a bun. "But why?" she questioned. "I don't understand." "Your hair is beautiful when it is down, Aunt Jill. I figure it wouldn't kill you to try a new look," I answered. Again, she didn't understand but I was okay with that, and getting her clothes out of the closet was part of the deal. I pulled out bag after bag and set them on the bed. Jill stepped up during the process and pulled various articles of clothing out, utterly flummoxed with what she was discovering. This wasn't slut-wear but it would definitely show more of her curves and skin than she would have ever normally considered. When I finished bringing bags out she looked past me, expecting more. "I can't wear any of this," she declared. "Please tell me you didn't really destroy my clothes." "Jill, I did burn up most of your clothes and you can wear what I bought you. You are thirty, not sixty-five. When I jumped into that river, God decided that I rescued you and not Tim, and I can't believe I saved you so you could go right back to the same life you had before," I interpreted what might have been true, God doesn't talk to me. "What did I do to deserve this, Zane?" she pleaded. "You burned up all my stuff from Thailand, Jill. And while you might think of this as revenge, it's not. You may not see it this way now but one day, I hope you will understand that I love you," I told her. "Zane, I don't understand. What you did was evil, despicable, and wicked and I won't tolerate it. We should pray to God, me for guidance and you for forgiveness," she pouted. She made to kneel down at my bedside so I followed out of long practice. We clasped our hands in prayer and while Jill closed her eyes, mine remained open. Now, my bed is not even at knee level so when Jill knelt down to pray, leaning forward until her elbows were on the mattress, she inadvertently thrust her ass backwards, yes, Jill was doggy style on my bed. I had abstractly known Jill was attractive but the thought of having sex with her had never come up. What was now 'coming up' was suddenly a problem, as were my attempts to keep up with exactly what Jill was asking God for, but the gist of it seemed to involve the Almighty taking steel wool to my corrupt soul, the harder and more painful the scrubbing, the better. "Amen," we said in unison as the thirty-seven minute ordeal came to an end and Jill stood up. "Jesus has told me that I only have to put up with your dementia until morning. I'd rather get new clothes instead of showing up to work, as some strumpet," she proclaimed. "Um, where did you come up with the word 'strumpet' and who ever said it was a sin to be good looking?" I asked. "Nothing I got for you suggests sexuality, no push-up bras, crop tops, or slit skirts. They're clothes, nothing more." "It doesn't matter what you think," Jill countered. "Whatever madness you thought you were accomplishing won't work. I really should call the pastor." "And tell him what, that I burned your clothes and bought you, normal clothes? Why don't we call everyone on the church roster?" I warned her. Jill balked at the prospect of having our family feud exposed. Jill sniffed, spun, and started to leave the room when she recalled the clothes I'd bought for her. She huffed and came back for them, looking at me very indignantly. When I went to help, she warned me off with a hateful glare. An hour later, as I began to despair over my actions, I heard Jill's bedroom door open and a crinkly crunch in the hall. Upon examination, I found one of the bags I'd purchased clothes in outside her door. Inside, folded up, were the other bags. Jill had put my clothes away in her drawers and closet. I counted that to be a small victory. At breakfast the next morning I endeavored to be very correct and polite as I complimented Jill on how nice she looked. She returned my platitudes with an angry glare and she left for work without saying a word. In her favor, when she learned her credit cards were toast she didn't break down and scream at me over the phone or miss work. That evening she did still slam the door to the garage loud enough to rattle windows on the other side of the house when she got home from work. "ZANE!" she screamed, "What did you do to my credit cards?" "Your replacements should be here by Saturday or Monday at the latest," I replied soothingly as she stormed up to me. "So," I went on, "did anyone compliment you on your looks today?" "What, I, that's not important," she muttered, then she changed tact. She came over to the sofa where I was reclining, knelt down, and took my hand. "Zane, you are falling into lust, degeneration, and degradation, sins of the flesh. You have to stop this." 'Stop what?' I wasn't precisely sure. "What you want me to do? Should we pray further on the matter? Last night I felt, something, but I still feel empty," I suggested. Jill's face lit up so I slipped past her and knelt beside her. Jill was unwittingly sexy as she sashayed forward on her knees to rest against the sofa. I reached out to her and she took my hand, then the praying began. What followed was a repetitive litany of me falling into lust and dark desires (clothes buying?). Dear departed Uncle Tim didn't even get an honorable mention which would have been surprising if he hadn't been such a total bastard to me. Jill's neglect I didn't quite understand. She'd always been loyal, dutiful, and supportive. It then occurred to me that I'd never seen him exert an ounce of human compassion toward Jill. I got up and ran to my bedroom, ending up on the bed. Jill padded along behind me after a minute. "Zane?" she wondered. "When is the last time you had sex with Uncle Tim?" I whispered so quietly that Jill struggled to understand me. "But, no, don't do this, Zane, don't fall into apostasy," Jill simpered. "I have a gift for you. It is something you want but I need you to answer the question," I offered. "What is the gift?" she asked, guardedly intrigued. "I can promise you no regrets," I countered. Jill weighed her options, turned, and left. "Dinner," Jill called to me an hour later. I dutifully went downstairs to the dining room to enjoy a mediocre meal in silence. We barely exchanged a single glance. As I got up to clean the table, cleaning was my chore, Jill spoke. "Seven years." I was pretty proud that I didn't fall over in shock. First off, in my teenage, hormone-addled mind, how could anyone go without sex for seven years? Next, how could someone with Jill as a wife not want to have sex at least once every seven hours? Finally, what was Tim doing in the lady-boy section of Bangkok when he found me that one time? I really feel like an idiot on occasion. "I saved your three favorite Sunday dresses," I rewarded her. Jill's eyes showed a glimmer of hope. "Which ones? I mean, how did you know which ones were my favorites?" she pondered. "You told me, Aunt Jill. I do listen to you, ya know," I responded. She gave me the oddest look, as if I had just explained to her how Ruth slew Goliath, not David. "Thank you," she whispered. The first battle of the Witch, the Brat, and the Wardrobe was over. The war would go on. The next time we went grocery shopping (Jill decided that the less time I was left alone, the slower I would plummet to my eventual fiery demise) I caught her noticing guys giving her the once over and she liked it, of that I'm sure. How do I know this? She let me talk to the cute stock girl for fifteen seconds before reeling me in, which was long enough for her to write her number on the palm of my hand. I called her and asked if she wanted to go to a sorority party when the semester began. She informed me she was a rising senior in high school so I gave her my number and told her to call me on her eighteenth birthday if she was still interested. You can't win them all, immediately. FFU             Birds are made beautiful by their plumage but divine by their flight        Now to the college I was attending; Freedom Fellowship University (yes, that is F-FU if you stutter) is the Christian college in my new hometown. Jill read about them in online chat rooms and by communicating with some of her Christian social network gal pals. She heard they had a dress code and without checking on the specifics, she bought me a dozen sets of black slacks and white shirts guaranteed to mark me as a social leper. She signed me up for my classes. I opted for Pre-Med; she insisted I should go Pre-Law until I revealed my secret sinful desire to work for the ACLU, at which point she relented. She wanted me to play some sports, I suspect because she wanted me to have a safe hormonal outlet that didn't involve me touching women. I could have told her that dressed as I was, getting women (short of kidnapping) would be nearly impossible. The problem was, they didn't offer any of the traditional sports except for soccer and track and field. I felt that was odd but I decided to sign up for soccer tryouts anyway. I also signed up for Karate, though I had no idea what a Christian school would be teaching that for, plus Archery (I've never used a bow before), Marksmanship (I've never fired a gun either), and Orienteering (because everyone gets lost in suburban Virginia and has to subsist on squirrel and road kill, right?). I downright refused to have anything to do with the Competitive Bible Study Team. By the end of the admissions process I was beginning to think this was a school for some kind of uber-religious survivalists. Still, they accepted me on short notice and except for a tiny quirk in the online admissions form, I was sadly ready to go to college. It would be that tiny quirk that would change my life forever. There Must Be a Church! Before I could attend college there was one quibble to deal with and that was which church Jill and I would attend. I claimed to be partial to the Unitarians, mainly to watch Jill's face go from normal to pale to an angry beet red. Sometimes razzing her is too easy. Jill chose the First Anointed Free-willed Fellowship of Christ after carefully weighing, considering, and then utterly disregarding my input. I guess I had to be happy they weren't snake handlers. On that first Sunday it was raining. I ended up having to run back into the house as Jill backed the car out of the garage and I took a header into a mud puddle in the lawn. Seeing how soaked I was, Jill allowed me to miss out on Sunday school. When I tried to get to the normal service my car wouldn't start (she'd insisted on buying me a used car, which I was now allowed to return for a new one). The second Sunday was a comedy of errors. The garage door opened halfway, then got stuck, and Jill gave the wrong address to the church family she desperately called to come pick us up. On the third Sunday I was sick, so sick that I missed the Sci-Fi movie classic of the week-(end) Saturday night, Vampire Zombie Overlords II. Jill normally lets me watch it because I told her it shows science in a bad light. I would like to point out that Jill isn't stupid but she does tend to believe that which is most convenient to her world view, in this case, Science = Bad. The fourth and final college-free Sunday, Buddy Jesus informed me that I had to go because no Act of God showed up to save me. It turned out that the First Anointed Free-willed Fellowship of Christ was huge, one of those mega-churches and by the number of luxury cars in the parking lot, not one populated by the unwashed masses. Everyone was very, very friendly to the point where I refused to drink or eat anything they tried to force on me, fearing that I would become a drugged-out zombie filled with unconditional love and happiness toward the world. The one other weird thing was that there didn't seem to be any kids my age in the congregation. I had no Sunday school that day. I later learned this was the weekend of their Pre-College/High School Youth Retreat. Apparently everyone in this place acted as a herd. Before we left I met with Pastor William Penny, chief shepherd of this flock, and he wanted to be my pal. Jill was enraptured with the guy but somehow he came across as creepy to me. Will, Jill, and a few well-meaning parishioners ended up steering me to the Pastor's office (which was as big as Jill's huge kitchen). There my new buddy wanted me to sign some paperwork. Jill urged me to hurry up and get it over with and promised to take me to a nice steak house we'd seen but never been in, as if I was a small child easily pleased. Maybe I should have gone for pre-law because I ignored Jill and did read what they wanted me to sign. They wanted me to tithe, and not on my income, of which I had none, but on my net worth. Everyone around me looked hopeful and I couldn't help but smile as I picked up the pen and started laughing. When they began looking confused I laughed harder, and that made them displeased. I didn't pick up the pen to write; I picked it up so I could stab the first one to rush me. "Listen up, Pastor Bill, can I call you Pastor Bill?" I didn't wait on his reply. "I don't know you or anyone but Aunt Jill in this room," I chuckled, "and I imagine you are all terribly nice folks, but it will be a cold day in Hell before I give millions of dollars to people I know nothing about." "We are doing God's work," Pastor Bill assured me, "and please call me Pastor William." "Please," Jill pleaded, "this is what your Uncle Tim would want." For Jill's sake I didn't laugh out loud once again. Tim gave me billions of mosquito bites, outdoor plumbing, and ass-whooping s on a regular basis so all I felt I owed good ol' Tim was putting a heavy stone on his grave so that he didn't rise up from the dead when the End Times came. In retrospect, Tim did me one favor; he taught me the ability to be verbally evasive when needed. "Aunt Jill, as Uncle Tim told me, being a Christian is a matter of Faith working through the mind and hands. It is my Christian duty to make sure that his legacy (really my Mom and Dad's) is placed where God wants it. Uncle Tim would make me pray deeply to the Almighty before taking such a momentous step, so pray I shall." Pastor Bill looked disappointed in me, which was a poor mask for his unsatisfied greed. Jill and the rest of the flock seem to have bought my act and that was the victory I needed to win right then. On the way back home Jill was pleased as punch. I'd expressed to her new friends what a wise saint good ol' Uncle Tim had been. This was the day I had to move into my dorm room on FFU's campus so I didn't have much time to dwell on everything that had happened. Barbie Lynn Masters, Dorm Mother To say that I was pretty depressed when I began moving into college would have been an understatement. I met some nice girls who were also moving into my dorm but I wasn't much in the mood for talking. I found my room but they had my name wrong. Not only was I not Zane they even got Glenn wrong; they misspelled it as Glenda. I hadn't been unpacking fifteen minutes before this hottie breezed in asking if I was Glenda's brother. "Sure," I joked, "I'm Zane." "Can I see some ID? I'm the Dorm Mother," she asked pleasantly. I showed her my driver's license which read 'G. Zane Braxton'. "And you are?" I inquired. "Barbie Lynn Masters. Do you live close by?" she prodded. I looked around my room (which I shared with an as-of-yet unseen roomie), shrugged, and replied, "Yes. I live about a mile and a half away, just inside city limits," I played along. Couldn't she see that it was my name on the luggage in my room and I'd already unpacked? "Can we count on seeing a lot more of you?" she purred, stepping up into my personal space. With her four-inch pumps, she was an inch taller than me, so I had to tilt my head up slightly to meet her gaze. "Unless you have a girlfriend, of course," she demurred. "I don't have a girlfriend but I'm looking for one," I grinned back. I wasn't really lying; I was looking for lots of girlfriends. "So, do you have a boyfriend?" "Oh, no," she assured me. "I took a Purity Pledge and I have a fianc so I can't be in a causal relationship with a boy, though being a 'friend' of a student I'm responsible for is fine." She licked her lips. My understanding of her convoluted reasoning was short-circuited by her D plus cleavage, perfect teeth, long light-golden hair, soft bedroom blue eyes, and blemish free, tanned skin. I've never considered myself terribly bashful. I hadn't been with a welcoming and available female in two months; she was right there in my face, so I grabbed Barbie's ass subtly, pulled her close, and began kissing her. At first Barbie seemed to be all talk and no action, but that lasted all of five seconds before she was all over me with our tongues intertwining and our hands going over each other's backs and asses. In a flash I had my hands up her pleated skirt, inside her plain white panties, and was massaging each muscular ass cheek separately and vigorously while my lips left hers and migrated to her neck and ear with kisses and bites, all of which seemed to really excite Barbie Lynn. She was moaning and grinding against me like a teenager coming down from a forty-eight hour unresolved porno binge. Her left hand slid around to the front of my jeans and touched my crotch where I was rapidly coming to the fullness of life. "Oh, God!" she whispered as she began stroking me up and down. "Tell me that's not a rolled up sock." "Huh? What? No, that is all me. Why do you ask?" I mumbled between licks and kisses. "Oh, some boys can be very dishonest," she sighed from past experience. "Does it hurt?" "No, it feels fine," I assured her. "Are you sure it doesn't hurt just a little bit?" she persisted as she groped my bulge. Something clued me in. "Actually, it does hurt a little bit," I guessed. Barbie Lynn broke our embrace, padded silently over to the door, took a quick look out, then shut it. She was back in my arms in record time. "In that case, let me see it," she grinned. "How does a blowjob jive with your Purity Pledge?" I stupidly wondered out loud. "Oh," she beamed an angelic radiance up at me as she slid down my body and unzipped my pants, our eyes locked together, "a blow job is sinful and done out of lust but relieving your pain is blessed and done out of love." "I feel myself getting closer to spiritual fulfillment every second I'm with you," I breathed huskily as she pulled down my pants and boxers, unleashing my manhood. Barbie tentatively, with a bit of fear showing, licked the tip of my cock. I let her get used to me before resting a hand on her head. She responded by slowly engulfing my cockhead, which felt freaking awesome after my long dry spell (please remember I had virtually non-stop sex for two and a half years). She bobbed slightly while pumping my shaft rapidly with one hand and tickling my balls with the other. I tried to push a little bit but Barbie gagged. I guessed she wasn't too skilled at this but hey, everyone starts somewhere. After five minutes she was taking more than half of my length in and doing so hungrily. "I hope you are not close to coming," she mumbled between mouthfuls. "Actually, I'm feeling greedy," I responded. She looked up at me, head still bobbing. "I can sense your pain and feel I should do something about it," I explained. Now she looked confused so I backed up, pulled Barbie up by her waist and kissed her once more. I gracefully walked my hand down her waist and hip to her crotch. With a sharp intake of breath by Barbie, she melted into me and bit my shoulder. Next I spun us around and pushed her back on the bed at the corner, splaying her out for me as her bosom bounced sensually and enticingly. "What's on your mind?" Barbie asked with wide eyes. "I want a taste," I grinned evilly, which only turned her on more. I fell between her outstretched knees. I made eye contact with her as she propped up on her elbows and my hands went to her panty waistband. I grinned, she blushed, and the panties came flying off. Barbie squeaked then slammed a hand over her mouth to muffle the noise. "Use my pillows to prop up your back," I directed Barbie Lynn since she clearly wanted to watch. I maneuvered Barbie into a suitable position so that I was kneeling on the floor with Barbie's silky smooth legs spread to either side. Barbie Lynn was propped up so that she could watch me work. I got the feeling she was used to some level of stimulation, just not from a guy. I could deal with that. "Maybe we shouldn't do this now, or go back to my place where it is safer?" she asked. "I'm too hungry for you right now; your scent is intoxicating," I finished up saying, and then I went in. I didn't rush things because every first time should be special. My right hand traced the line along the sides and rear of Barbie Lynn's thighs. My left hand traced the line over her pubic area to her stomach that finally ended with her left breast. "Hurry," she panted. I knew she had somewhere to be but I was aware she could use some stress relief too. Barbie reached down with a hand to control my left hand and head but I was obeying my instincts. By the time she made up her mind to stop me, I overwhelmed Barbie with a pleasurable, mind warping first orgasm. The noise brought a few students sneaking in to take a peak. Once I had a semblance of control over her, I began a series of actions to excite her whole body. On the second orgasm she wrapped her legs around my head and nearly crushed it. While I lapped up her juices, I decided to follow that up by kissing Barbie and giving her some of her own fluids to taste, a trick new to her. I kept my cock sheathed, though all three of Barbie's holes looked delightful. I figured she wasn't ready yet but I did manage to take off her shirt in the process and fondling and suckling at her magnificent breasts. After the third and fourth orgasms, Barbie passed out, and when she woke up, she whispered to me that she wanted my cock in her mouth and cunt. Purity Pledge? What Purity Pledge? Barbie Lynn confided in me that she'd sucked cock before and thought she was quite good at it, and that a few men had temped her cunt and ass with real penetration but all she had done so far was pleasure herself with toys and with the aid of other (female) students here at school. She was still technically a virgin (no boy parts had penetrated her cunt) but she'd done 'everything else.' Was she or was she not an anal virgin? My money was on virginity. Barbie was pleased that I was going to her church (it was highly popular at the college, she told me), almost as pleased as I was to find her so receptive and hungry for more sex. I told her she needed sexier underwear and that I would gladly go shopping with her for some in case she wanted to model any (yes, I know they don't let you model underwear). While we talked I helped her get dressed, though we couldn't find her panties. We slipped out after that, Barbie to tend to her girls and me to go to my Aunt's. I told her I'd see her tomorrow. Barbie laughed as if she didn't believe me. As I left, I began to appreciate the guy: girl ratio of this place because it was looking very good in my favor. My evening with Jill passed uneventfully; we stayed up late as Jill suddenly realized she was going to be alone for the first time in years so I didn't end up sneaking quietly into my dorm room until well past midnight. The Journey Begins. Day One, It's a What? My first day of college began with a six a.m. wake-up alarm in our room. Both my roommate and I sat up at the same time. We looked at each other and the sheets failed to conceal we apparently both slept shirtless. "Hi. You are a girl," I got off first. "And you are a guy," she replied indignantly. "What are you doing in my room? I mean, why did they give me a female roommate?" I countered. "Ah, are you joking?" she asked incredulously. Clearly I wasn't, and that realization made her grin mischievously. "Where is Glenda?" she inquired next. "Ugh," I sighed. "When I was registered their system misspelled my name. My first name is Glenn, thus the Glenda, but I go by Zane, my middle name. What about you?" "Whoops. I'm Rio Talon and this is going to be wicked," she giggled. "I have to admit I never thought I'd meet someone like you at FFU." "You don't see quite the hardcore fundamentalist/survivalist type either," I responded. "Ha!" she grunted. "You got me. It was either this or three years at a minimum security prison in Arizona," she confessed. She didn't volunteer what she would have done time for and it was really none of my business. "I need to shower," I changed the subject. "I'll go with you," Rio volunteered as she slipped out of bed, and yes, she was naked, and cleverly and artfully shaved with several delicate chevrons pointing down. She also had a black tattoo of the name Lilith going from the right hip along the bikini line, definitely not Church issue. I went to the closet, got a robe, towel, and bathroom kit. Rio brazenly watched me move around. "Body-conscious much?" she chuckled. "Rio, I spent the last two years bathing down at the river with two hundred of my closest neighbors. Trying to cover up gets old really fast," I grinned back at her. "Does my body disgust you?" "'Disgust' isn't the word I was going to use," Rio said as she licked her lips and also got ready for the bathroom. "Now, let's get you shaved before, the bathroom gets flooded with people. By the way," she tossed me Barbie's missing undies, "are these yours?" "Booty from my panty raid; please don't turn me in," I chuckled, as I caught them, then stashed them in my backpack, hopefully to return to Barbie Lynn later. Rio laughed again. As I suspected, not only did I get assigned a female roommate but I was on a female floor, which earned me more than a few shocked looks. Since Rio stuck close to me, she earned her own share of looks, but these were more scornful; Rio ate it up. I still couldn't decide whether I'd miss Rio or not when I got my new room assignment. The two girls in the showers ignored Rio and I when we came in so I was able to shave in peace and get under a steamy shower without the expected shrieks. Only when they dressed in their robes and put on their glasses did things change. Their looks were best expressed as 'a boy saw me naked!' followed by 'A boy saw me naked, ' and ended up with, 'A boy saw me naked and he liked what he saw.' I get hard when the wind blows, anywhere around the globe. They fled in a fit of giggles and I safely exited the bathroom before another girl entered. It was hardly unforeseen that my attire made Rio laugh but when she suggested black horn-rimmed glasses would really complete the nerd-look, I had to laugh too. I noted her regulation skirt appeared to be a bit higher above the knee than was prudent with a pronounced lack of underwear. Rio confessed that her parents tossed all her 'stripper' wear when they shipped her off and she wasn't going to wear the 'granny' panties they had put in place of her G-strings. The trek cross-campus to the Dining Hall would have been more enlightening if Rio had not lured me into an engrossing conversation. Remember now, I had been isolated from mainstream Western pop culture for over two years and had a lot of catching up to do. We grabbed some trays of breakfast; then, at Rio's insistence, we headed outside to eat pretty much by ourselves, or so we hoped. "Professor, inquired this cute brunette with pig tails, dimples, and into pushing her tits in my face; I barely noticed she was backed up by three other girls. "Huh?" I questioned. "Braxton," Rio spoke over me. "Could you tell me, where the, um, Clegger Science Building is, Professor Braxton?" She lied pathetically. My first thoughts were, 'why is she wearing such a thin white blouse two-sizes too small?' and wondering 'when is this thread holding that central button in place going to give up on its hopeless struggle and let her boobs pop out?' Then I became curious why she called me 'professor'. "It is right over there," I said, as I stood up, put my hand on the small of her back, and pointed the way with my other hand. The location of the building was blindingly obvious since this is not a huge campus. If things weren't awkward enough, Ms. Brunette twisted, rubbed her hardening nipples against my chest, and asked, "There?" "No," I corrected by whispering into her ear, causing her to wiggle against me. I took her forearm, lingering my touch on the pulse of her wrist before directing it to the proper angle. "I would walk you there," I added, "but we have to go to the auditorium soon." "Thank you, Professor Braxton." She wiggled a third time. "It is really a pity I don't have any of your classes. What do you teach?" "He's a Biblical Archeologist," Rio interrupted, "specializing in Early Christian Erotic Art and Rituals." I felt Ms. Brunette have a micro-orgasm over that piece of fantastical news. "Are you still taking on students?" Brunette panted to me. Rio jumped up. "Whoops! Look at the time!" exclaimed Rio, "Professor, you have to go, Right Now!" With that, she dragged me away from Ms. Brunette and her girl posse and across campus. "What the hell was that about and why did she call me Professor?" I hissed to Rio as we came to the auditorium for our first assembly. "Oh, it must be some Southern thing, sort of like the English calling men 'Governor'," she lied convincingly. How do I now know she lied? It will become obvious.   I took a seat with Rio amongst the sea of students and it was just my luck that we were surrounded by girls once more. I really wasn't in the mood to have them gawk at me so I slumped down and kept a low profile. The auditorium sounded full-up and there was a magnitude of teachers and such on the stage. When a stately, attractive, yet demanding and stern tall woman with long grey hair worked up in a bun stepped up to the podium, the hall grew silent. First she led us in prayer, which I found odd because normally at this level of fundamentalism, women couldn't lead men in prayer, but I could have cared less. She welcomed the rising seniors first, then worked down the list until she recognized the new class of freshmen, reminding them of their 'Handmaiden Duties,' whatever that was. I looked to Rio who was stifling to suppress some dark glee, undoubtedly at my expense. The Chancellor of FFU worked us through some of what I assumed was normal school crap plus a reminder to review with diligence their code of moral and ethical behaviors and the names of their spiritual guidance counselors in case they felt wickedness overcoming them. Considering the thin white blouses and the short, pleated plaid skirts, yours truly and the other men on campus were going to be scoring like mad, morals and ethics be damned. A closing prayer ended the meeting and we dispersed like good little sheep heading for our first class of the semester. Rio and I both had English Literature but in different rooms so she was kind/sadistic enough to drop me by my room before heading her own way. I walked in and took a middle seat. Once again all the girls looked at me funny when they came in and I couldn't miss the fact that in a classroom size of twenty, we had nineteen girls and only one guy, me. I was mulling this over (I'm actually a smart guy but I admit, I hadn't been showing it too much recently) when our teacher came in. Her name was Ms. Goodswell (no lie) and she was a gorgeous brunette with breasts of greater proportions than Barbie Lynn's, and the rest just got lusher. Ms.  Goodswell leaned against the front of her large wooden writing desk and used her tablet to scroll down the roll call. I was number three. "Braxton," her sugary sweet voice drawled out. "Glenda Braxton." I shifted in my seat. "Here," I said in a clear masculine voice, "but I go by Zane." Ms.  Goodswell looked up over her reading glasses, expecting something other than me. As she looked at me her eyes grew larger, and she looked, and she looked. "What are you wearing?" she asked crisply. "What my Aunt told me was proper school attire, Ms. Goodswell," I replied tentatively. "Proper attire is clearly outlined, white blouse and a pleated blue and gold tartan skirt with white knee sox and black shoes. Men wear pants; women wear skirts," she clarified. I imagine my jaw dropped open at that one. Finally, I stood up so she could get a good look at me. "I'm dressed correctly, then I'm a guy," I insisted. Ms. Goodswell had looked annoyed but now she looked pissed. She strode boldly toward me, heels clicking against the marble floor. "So you insist that you are a man, do you?" she snapped. Before I could do anything but nod she slapped a cupped hand against my crotch. I coughed in pain. I became aroused despite the mild discomfort because I was now gazing down into Ms. Goodswell's ample bosom. Her eyes went from angry to utter shock. "You are a man," she whispered in horror. "What are you doing in my class?" I reached into my book bag and got my schedule, letting her gaze on it. I noticed her hand stayed on my crotch. "Nine a.m., English Lit. 101 in room 204, Denning Hall V. Goodswell," I read out loud. Ms. Goodswell read it over while she massaged my growing shaft; subconsciously or not, I wasn't sure. "Very well," she said decisively. She turned back and returned to the roll. As I sat down I had that creepy feeling that everyone else was staring at me, or more precisely, my Goodswell-inspired hard on. After that little bit of drama the actual class was okay. Ms. Goodswell was pretty bright and made our upcoming journey into the works of a bunch of old dead British guys sound fun. When the bell rang we got up and started to file out but Ms. Goodswell motioned me to wait for the others to leave us alone. It didn't work out that way; the other girls hovered right outside the door. "Okay, Mr. Braxton, what are you trying to prove?" she accused me with some real heat. "Please, Ms. Goodswell, believe me; I haven't a clue what is going on here. I woke up with a girl in my room this morning, I began. "You had a girl in your room this morning? That didn't take you long," she said bitterly. "No, wait; it was my assigned roommate, Rio Talon, and she was on her side of the room. It is okay because they accidently stuck me on a girl's floor in the dorm because there were girls in the showers too," I continued. "Didn't you thing that was a bit odd?" she asked suspiciously. "Not really, ma'am. I've spent the last two years with missionaries in rural Thailand; I'm used to bathing with naked women all the time. Initially, I figured this was some sort of bureaucratic snafu but after doing my own quick census of your class, I think I've missed something crucial," I explained. "Mr. Braxton, Zane, this is an all-girls school; men are not allowed. We can't even employ a man under the age of forty-five," she informed me while studying my expression. While my cock would have done summersaults of joy, my brain was looking at my access to my trust fund going down the toilet. "I apologize. I'm pretty sure my Aunt Jill didn't know and I assure you, I was ignorant of this fact. What do we do now?" I sighed. "I believe you, Mr., .Zane. No one would use this as an excuse after going through all the trouble to sneak in here. For now, you continue to your classes and I'll inform your other instructors of this, extraordinary event. Expect to spend lunch with the Chancellor so that we can extricate you from this situation. Can I rely on you to be good in the interim?" "I'll do my best," I promised. She dismissed me and began using her phone. When I slipped out of the room, my classmates made room enough for me to make my way down the hall. "Zane!" a young female voice called out. I turned around to see Ms. Brunette. "Is it true you are a freshman here?" I was sure she would be pissed for the whole 'Professor' gag Rio had played and I'd unwittingly gone along with. "Yes," I confessed. She'd assumed I was a teacher because I was male and I hadn't corrected her. "Kiss me!" she beamed hungrily. That was not what I expected but I reacted quickly and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. Ms. Brunette looked upset. "You can do better than that," she commanded. Again, not what I expected; I put my book bag down, took hers off her shoulder and placed it next to mine. I started off with a repeat of the last kiss but instead of that being the ending point, I used it as a foundation to build upon. I slowly drew her in; she pulled her arms up between us and cupped my face as I dipped her with enough tongue action to make our steamy embrace a thermographic exploration of lust. We kissed for over a minute before I brought her up and let her go. "Better?" I murmured to her. Ms. Brunette nodded dreamily. As I retrieved my book bag from the floor I realized I was adrift in a sea of lonely young women. I could now empathize with that lost baby seal who found itself surrounded by a pod of killer whales. "Kiss me!" insisted a blonde. "No, me; I was here first." "I'm a senior; I go first," demanded a breathtaking black woman. I didn't know what was going on and I had no idea how to deal with this bizarre situation but all that was taken out of my hands by the next noise I heard. "Get off me, bitch," I heard Rio shout out, followed by a slap and her scream. Rio was hardly my friend, in fact, she had used me for her own personal amusement for the entire time I'd known her, but she was my roommate, an outsider, and I was sure no one else would come to her aid. I shouldered my way in the directions of her screams and sobs, parting the last few girls separating us. Rio was on her stomach on the floor with three girls gathered over her. Closest to me was one with thick, wavy black hair and dark skin who had her foot pushing down on Rio's ass. The second one, who appeared to be the leader, was a black girl with shiny black hair in an intricate weave and was bouncing on Rio's back, yanking her hair back painfully, and was taunting Rio, saying she was supposed to be a good little beast of burden as well as mocking her as a 'felon'. The last tormentor was the only one facing me, though she was preoccupied with holding Rio's arms forward so she couldn't reach back to scratch the ringleader. It wasn't hard for me to figure out what to do. When Weave started bouncing up, I swept the legs out from under the other wavy-haired girl, sending her toppling backwards. I then put a boot to the black girl's ass, propelling her into the spectators on the far side of us. I didn't even bother with girl number three. I grabbed Rio by the arm and yanked her up and swung her behind me. It turned out to be a good choice because when the black girl back-flipped up in one fluid move, she landed in a martial arts fighting stance. I had a fight on my hands, or would have if the bell hadn't rung. As it was, the black girl looked both outraged and shocked when she took in my gender and my counter-stance. A flood of girls suddenly separated us. Rio took the opportunity to grab her book bag, then my hand, and together we bolted to our next class which was, oddly enough, Biblical Archeology but without the procreation parts. Our professor, Mrs. Carradine, treated me a bit coldly but the attention directed my way by the student body was anything but. I had barely pulled out my book when the girl behind me tapped my shoulder and slipped me a note. You will take my book bag to lunch and eat lunch with me. Dove Foster I furrowed my brow and showed the note to Rio who was sitting next to me. She smiled and whispered, "Handmaiden's Duty," in a condescending tone. "Didn't you read your handbook?" Any further conversation was cut short by Mrs. Carradine's blistering glare. For some reason, Buddy Jesus kept me safe from anymore female attention until the class ended and I began to make my way out. I took some comfort that Rio stayed close to my side. My Social Secretary "Zane. Zane Braxton, do you mind if I call you Zane?" babbled a shorter, slender girl with shoulder length black hair and glasses as she grabbed my elbow in a death grip from behind. "You can't ask him to do anything until he steps out of class," Rio cautioned the newcomer. Now I had to decide whether or not I'd be a slave to Dove for an hour because technically she appeared to be in violation of the rules, which I knew no

Another golden episode where the cousin's cousin number matches their episode number. Devin visits Verlan Lewis for dinner at Zupas before going to Verlan's home for the interview.Verlan shares memories of their grandparents, cousins at reunions, and even a special memory of spending time with Uncle Tim, Devin's father, and some other cousins when they went to the BYU bookstore on BYU's campus when Verlan and Devin were young.Devin shares some memories and stories he gathered from Verlan's family. Verlan's love of sports and reading as a kid, having a Napolean complex, getting sick on a trip to California, eating alone on Thanksgiving, a skit he performed with his youngest brother, Hunter, in high school, and many more.Verlan shares stories of his mission in South Africa, and he and Devin discuss the political upheaval that's been going on there for quite some time. Verlan shares the story of how he met his wife Kathryn, where they've lived since their marriage, and their 4 kids.For the final topic, Verlan talks about UVU's Center for Constitutional Studies and all of the wonderful programs that it offers and how many of the cousins might be interested in it for their children, if not themselves. Devin asks more questions about Verlan and Hyrum's book "The Myth of Left and Right" as well as how we can apply the principles within it to other topics besides politics, like our relationships with our family and friends.This interview was an incredible one, and Verlan and Devin have agreed to meet again for lunch to talk more soon.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/my-99-cousins/donations

We discuss Phee's injury, the DiJonai Carrington trade, and host Brandon's Uncle Tim on the pod because he won a silent auction. 

Fiona speaks to Uncle Tim, via a Cantonese interpreter, about his experience living in one of the public housing towers which is due to be demolished. He gives his thoughts about how the information has been communicated with him and other residents, and the Government plans for the site.You can find out more about the Inquiry into the demolition of the 44 Public Housing Towers here:https://www.parliament.vic.gov.au/get-involved/inquiries/publichousingtowers/hearings

Special thanks to AcesBlue99 and mehtulupurazz for allowing us to share your stories!In today's extra episode we have a creepy shadow figure, an Uncle's magical gifts and two poltergeist stories.The BOOKBY US A COFFEEJoin Sarah's new FACEBOOK GROUPSubscribe to our PATREONEMAIL us your storiesFollow us on YOUTUBEJoin us on INSTAGRAMJoin us on TWITTERJoin us on FACEBOOKVisit our WEBSITEStories:https://www.reddit.com/r/Ghoststories/comments/1j1q06w/at_age_17_saw_a_tall_shadow_figure/https://www.reddit.com/r/Paranormal/comments/ow31fl/poltergeist_in_my_new_apartment/https://www.reddit.com/r/Ghoststories/comments/1j81cku/the_story_of_great_uncle_tim_rip/Sarah and Tobie xx"Spacial Winds" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/SURVEY Get bonus content on Patreon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Join Sis and Big Pops for a fun, fun talk about one of the things we love most—Nerd Stuff. We discuss our fav bits of nerd news: The cleaner Trailer, A24 coming out with a Masque of the Red Death movie, Florence Pugh has maybe Rapunzel, Ted Lasso maybe season 4, Silo has been approved for the next 2 seasons, the musical Waitress is coming to Max on Feb 14, Strange Academy show maybe on Disney+,  and a Nova tv-show on Disney+ as well! Oh, and Sis got her book! For bingeing, Big Pops has watched Big Bang Theory and Carry on and has been reading Crisis on Infinite Earth. Sis has been watching RWBY and Tarzan, as well as listening to The Empyrean Books on Audio. She has read 29 books so far this year. Then, Pops shared his pull list! This week, he introduces us to Action Comics Issue 1082 by DC; Amazing Spiderman Issue 65.deaths by Marvel; as well as The Lucky Devils Issue 1 by Image. His new number 1 is Marvel Ultimate Wolverine by Marvel. His Book of the Week is Jenny Sparks Issue 6 by DC and Fantastic Four Issue 26 . We then reviewed the Disney Pixar Film The Incredibles.

Being Subversive Isn't As Much Fun As It LooksIn 30 parts, By FinalStand. Listen to the podcast at Explicit Novels.             “Friends stand by you through the struggles your enemies create” "You are depraved and despicable," Mhain seethed."I get that a lot; now get out," I growled back, "because I have a thousand other bitches who are, scratch that, 999 other bitches, Doctor Kennedy is growing on me; the rest I'm not so sure about, who are making my life miserable.""Don't get your hopes up, Mr. Braxton," Doctor Kennedy warned me. "I'm happily married.""Cool," I responded. "I hope to be like that one day.""Happily married?" Virginia inquired."No; a female law professor at an all-girls school," I grinned. "It sounds like a real cool job.""Feel free to hit him," Dana interrupted. "I swear that is the only way to get him to learn anything; or the only way we will discuss at this moment." Ah, sex. I thought my life had gone on a bit too long without the mention of sex. "It is also a fun form of stress relief."A painful blow rocked my shoulder and nearly sent me sprawling."You are right," Gabrielle noted clinically. "I feel better." Fuck, she hits hard. I look at her and try not to get pissed off and say something stupid. She makes my life difficult but my existence at FFU makes her life far too interesting as well. Whack! Someone hit me with a briefcase."I have to agree," Doctor Kennedy confirmed. "It has a therapeutic quality to it.""Bloody hell," I blurt out."Everyone, please stop physically abusing Zane," Ms. Goodswell snapped. "He's a student, for Pete's sake. He's not subject to corporal punishment.""Virginia, have you ever punched or slapped Zane?" Dana teased. "Give it a try before dismissing it out of hand.""He likes spanking," Barbie Lynn beamed happiness as she skipped by on her way to my/our bedroom. Technically, it is mine, Vivian's, Barbie Lynn's, Rio's, and Mercy's, plus whoever is feeling lonely on a given night. As for the spanking, I'm more of a giver than a receiver, but I doubt explaining that right now would be appropriate."Uhmm, okay, I think that is my cue to leave," Virginia piped up."I have rounds to make," Gabrielle added."I'm going home to my family," Doctor Kennedy headed out."I'm going to stay here, kick back, and watch some Pay-per-view," Dana grinned."What are you going to watch?" Hudson inquired."BBC America has this show called Copper that I've been meaning to catch," Dana informed her."Mind if I watch an episode with you?" Hudson asked."Sure, knock yourself out. You can pick the second show," Dana yawned. "It's only Zane's money after all." The rest of my guests filed out and I retired to the showers and then to my room. The day's stress revealed itself as the women curled into bed calmly and soon were cuddled together, including the odd ones out.On the far side we had the rather unusual appearance of Valarie. Next to her was Rio, who had her arms wrapped around Mercy. Mercy was snuggled against Barbie Lynn who held the middle spot. I was on my side, face-to-face with Barbie Lynn. After a few minutes, Vivian came to bed, wedged up against my back, and put an arm over me. I was in close proximity to several beautiful women but as long as no one doused the room with an aphrodisiac, we'd do just fine."Zane," Barbie Lynn whispered, "my vibrator burned out this morning, and I'm terribly horny."Oh, fuck! Barbie Lynn gazing down at me, I'm not sure another guy should ever see this because it could break one's heart to see it once and never again. She's built a faint sheen of sweat on her body already and she's looking at me with a definite Zen to fuck. My cock is cocooned deep inside her rectum, rubbing inside as she rotates forward on her hips.The distant, dreamy look in her eyes flashes to alertness as she catches me looking at her; 'hi' she whispers. I nod and smile so she inclines into me so that we can start kissing. She leads in with her tongue along my lips. I touch the tip of her tongue with my own, snaking inside her mouth before we are done. She starts murmuring, deepens our kiss, and begins rubbing my nipples."Vivian?" Valarie says softly. She snuck around the bed to settle behind my guardian."Yes?" Vivian replies. She is on her side watching Barbie Lynn and I."I, umm,” Valarie moans.Out of the corner of my eye I catch it as Val's hand brushes Vivian's hair off her neck and her lips start suckling on the exposed flesh. Vivian closes her eyes briefly but doesn't move Valarie away."Oh, Baby," Barbie pants with barely an inch separating our lips, "I know I say this often but I so love this. You tear me up inside and I want it so bad all the time, it scares me.""Vaginal sex with you scares me," I tease back."Will it be even better?" she draws in an even deeper, breast flaunting breath."You never know, but you are so damn good at everything else, I can't imagine you doing anything but haunting my dreams forever," I say, as I coax her movements with my hands on her hips, flanks, and thighs. Barbie shows her appreciation by running her hand through my bangs and pushing my hair back so that she can cover my forehead, eyes and nose with kisses."You like that romantic shit, don't you, Mercy-slut?" Rio grumbles playfully from the other side."Yes," Mercy whispers. I know Rio well enough to know that when a spiteful reply isn't immediately forthcoming, she's dusting off (and unchaining) her Better Angel. Mercy is looking at Barbie Lynn and me, her head facing sideways as she lies on her back. Rio crawls on top of Mercy, prompting Mercy to open her legs, and locks her hands over her head to gaze down on her."Your skin is so pure, your hair so black, and your eyes so full of passion, it breaks my heart to look at you, My Little Whore," Rio begins. She leans in and bites Mercy's earlobe, causing her victim to moan and buck up slightly. "Mercy, you give and give, making me so hot inside that I want to grab you and never let go.""Really?" Mercy gasps. "I, ""Don't get used to this," Rio growls with famished sexual enticement. "But, well, I want you to know that I hope all our children look just like you." Poor Rio was running out of material. It was terribly uncomfortable for me to show her where to go. I ran my hands over Barbie's body, which is an absolute torture I am forced to struggle through repeatedly.I start by massaging Barbie Lynn's tits, rotating three fingers over the nipples before rolling up the whole meaty breast in my palms. Barbie Lynn starts pushing back on my cock harder and grunting to the rhythm."Damn, Mercy," Rio teases, "I love these titties." She accentuates by sucking the top third of one breast into her mouth and twirling her tongue around it.Vivian gives a visible shiver from her side of the bed; Valarie has done something to her beneath the sheets to turn her on. In the interim while I have been watching Rio and Mercy, Valarie has been working over Vivian, temple to shoulder, with her lips. Now I see Vivian pulling up her left (upper) leg until it is resting snugly against my upper ribs, giving someone easier access to her snatch.She's also put her left arm behind her back between herself and Valarie. I'm starting to wonder if there is something in the air filters of my place, some undiscovered aphrodisiac mold, fungi, or spores that turns nice, virtuous girls into promiscuous bi-sexual vixens. To the best of my knowledge and belief, neither Valarie nor Vivian had the slightest lesbian tendencies before they started coming to my room.I give Barbie Lynn's luscious orbs one final squeeze before migrating my hold down to her ass, giving each cheek a double-slap. Barbie Lynn exhales a huff of ecstatic relief as the impact travels through her. Rio smirks and follows suit, her hand reaching between their thighs, prying Mercy's leg up, up and up until Mercy's knee is nearly at her breast."Your body is the first female form that I've ever lusted after," Rio murmurs as she rubs and pats Mercy's buttocks. "I think I've always wanted you, to taste you on my tongue, your scent strong in my mind and your sweet, sweet ass under my hand." Mercy brings one hand up to stroke Rio's cheek as she gives a strangled sob. No matter how much Mercy fears loving a woman, Rio can chisel that away and get her to love openly and freely.Barbie Lynn bounces up and slams down on me repeatedly as she is coming to the end of her fuse."Zane, Zane, oh yeah," she pants. Vivian chooses this moment to sneak her climax in on the rest of us. I am vaguely aware of her biting her lip, rocking her hips under the sheets, and perspiration beginning to bead on her lower lip."Holy God, Christ, and, my, hot damn, Val, ugh, Oh, God!" Vivian squeals as Valarie vigorously whips her hand in a tight pattern, cloaked from sight but obvious to the knowledgeable. Vivian's clit, lips, and the gateway to her cunt are all supers-stimulated. Valarie cools her down and holds her with enough strength to stop Vivian from rolling face-first into the sheets."Jesus Loves Me!" Barbie Lynn screams one last time. Her body bows, her breasts thrust forward and up, bouncing so deliciously while her thighs tremble in climax. Her anal muscles rippling from sphincter toward my cockhead are grinding me toward orgasm. Finally, she collapses against me, still twitching and fighting for breath.With my arms wrapped around her, I roll us over toward Mercy and Rio, placing Barbie Lynn on her back. Barbie Lynn has her legs pulling back before I can even move to push them back. While I had never fully pulled out, I was nearly there. I shove my hips forward, forcing my cock back in hard, causing Barbie Lynn to grunt, her mouth to gape open, nostril flaring, as her eyes squeeze shut."Oh, hell, yeah," Barbie Lynn gasps, "hammer me!""Oh, fuck," Valarie moans, "I am so lonely." Vivian is still roaming her hands over Valarie's special place, picking up the pace as she's inspired by Barbie Lynn's passion. Rio expresses her perverse nature by going at Mercy slow while the rest of us are going gangbusters."Here is my baby-smooth, tasty friend," Rio says as she kisses Mercy's bald twat. Rio pushes her thighs apart, her leg muscles taught while laying on the bed. Rio's restraint could only last so long. Every lick became more insistent, every nibble elicited a greater yelp, and every hip-thrust by Mercy into Rio's hungry mouth was more desperate.Valarie gives off one long, cavernous growl, then screams in between Vivian's shoulder blades."Damn," Vivian whispers, as a sympathetic orgasmic shiver coasts through her body. I'm pushing up on my knuckles, Barbie Lynn's legs between them as I rise up until my bulbous head is fixed in her sphincter; then I slam down once more. She's rocking her hips up to maximize the depths I reach as she cries out, again and again and again.When I finally let go, I feel a volcano of lust, frustration, and fulfillment exploding out all at once. Barbie Lynn's head sways rapidly side to side as she comes unglued."Zane, Jesus loves me, Jesus Loves Me!" she howls loud enough to shake the glass panels overhead. Those words ringing in my ears are going to haunt me in whatever church I go to."Ugh, ugh, ugh, Love, right there, feels so good," Mercy drags out with shallow breathes."Umm,” Rio gurgles. Mercy has gotten quite wet and visibly aroused. I'm sure Rio has worked a finger or two into the action and in Mercy's ass. Mercy starts bouncing off the sheets as she hisses out the last of her restraint."Mother-fucker-god-damn!" Mercy cries out. Rio growls, slurps, and sucks up Mercy's cunt juice while lapping up and down her slit."That's my baby," Rio's fluid-marked face looks up from between Mercy's legs and smiles. "Was that good for you?" Rio asks? Mercy nods dreamily. "Are you a happy little whore?" Rio teases. Again, Mercy nods with pleasure. "Did you use the 'L' word, Ass-fuck slut?" Rio hardens.This time Mercy realizes her mistake and shudders. She raises her head and looks into Rio's eyes."Yes. I'm sorry, Rio," Mercy mumbles."Sorry isn't going to cut it this time, Bitch," Rio sneers. "Tomorrow morning you are going to get it coming and going, all day long." I am actually aware of what that threat means."Okay," Vivian sighed, with more contentment than annoyance, "we've all cum so let's try and get some sleep.""I haven't gotten off yet," Rio chuckled. I knew what I had to do before someone else volunteered my services."Come here, Rio." I smile to her and extend a hand. "Let me get another taste of my best bro.""I'll clean you up," Barbie Lynn grins up at me, as she wiggles her body around my own so she's on top again. She slithers down my torso, waggles my still mostly hard cock against her lips, then begins to take it into her mouth. Barbie Lynn's tongue licks along my shaft as she gobbles up more of my rod.I expect Rio to come over but Mercy, following along and lying on her belly, her head propped up on her hands and elbows as she watches my blonde angel's skilled fellatio, is a bonus. Rio ends up near my pillow, one hand on my chest and the other resting between Mercy's ass cheeks. Her fingers are definitely sliding in and out of Mercy's cunt. If Mercy is a bit sore, she's smart enough not to complain to her Mistress about it."What do you have in mind, Zane?" Rio catches my gaze."I want your teeth tearing up the mattress with your ass up in the air as I plow you through the headboard," I inform her. I make a focus group assessment of the situation by slipping a finger into her cunt, she's creaming already.For Rio, the greater physicality of the sex, the better it is for her. She'll let me have my foreplay and some good loving, but she goes wild over the raw, brutal act of sex itself."I think you are ready to put that smile on her face," Barbie Lynn taunts Rio as she informs me she's finished. "Come with me," Barbie Lynn turns to Mercy. "My nipples need some attention. Can you do that for me?"After checking with Rio, Mercy gives a hungry look and lick of the lips at Barbie Lynn. Barbie crawls over Mercy to land on her back on the far side. Mercy twirls around and latches on to Barbie Lynn's left breast with such rapidity, it momentarily causes my visage to blur."I want some of that," Valarie suddenly blurts out.She makes her own quick trek around Rio and me as we are still positioning ourselves to come swooping down on Barbie Lynn's right side. The right nipple disappears into our school biker girl's mouth with a decidedly audible smacking of the lips. Val's hand starts to stroke the inside of Barbie Lynn's thigh but Mercy's free hand reaches over and starts tweaking Valarie's closest nipple. Yes, I definitely must check the air filters.Rio resumes her sensually crawl my way and I give her a beguiling look to lure her in. I'm on her in a flash once she's close enough for me to make my move. She screeches like an alley cat but I've got a hand on the back of her head and the other on her hip as I slam her face first into the pillow."Bastard," she screams through the fabric, but she's not following through with the anger."Give it up, Bitch," I snarl back. My cock slides full-throttle all the way into her cunt on the first pass. Her cunt feels like slick, melted butter as I bottom out in her hole. At the same time, I let up on her head a bit."Oh, fucking-A," Rio gasps. "Did someone sneak a gerbil up behind me or is it Needle-cock pretending he's a man?" I give her another powerful slam. "Oh, fuck, stop that.""What? Too much for the bitch whose had it all?" I tease Rio.

Cooper Jones, a Utah State transfer and the newest member of the Boise State football team, joins Prater and Mallory for a one-on-one interview after the opening day of fall camp Wednesday. Cooper, who has been a fan of Boise State since childhood, is the nephew of former Broncos' star/return specialist Tim Gilligan.

Cooper Jones, a Utah State transfer and the newest member of the Boise State football team, joins Prater and Mallory for a one-on-one interview after the opening day of fall camp Wednesday. Cooper, who has been a fan of Boise State since childhood, is the nephew of former Broncos' star/return specialist Tim Gilligan.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Cooper Jones, a Utah State transfer and the newest member of the Boise State football team, joins Prater and Mallory for a one-on-one interview after the opening day of fall camp Wednesday. Cooper, who has been a fan of Boise State since childhood, is the nephew of former Broncos' star/return specialist Tim Gilligan.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Selection Procedures Quiz to end all quizzes! The USAG appeals process A breakdown of each competitor at Trials Why realistic expectations are the key to happiness Brazilian Olympic Trails report from Renan of Roda de Ginastica The latest on the New Zealand debacle German Olympic Team Related: What scores get you a medal How to Build The Paris Olympic Team OLYMPIC LIVE SHOW TICKETS ON SALE NOW OLYMPIC TRIALS BONUS PODCAST SCHEDULE Wednesday, 6/26 after podium training (late afternoon/evening) CT Friday, 6/28 after Women's Day One 10:15ish pm CT Sunday 6/30 Live Show live from Minnesota Olympic Trials Join Club Gym Nerd (or give it as a gift!). It includes: Weekly Q&A  Behind The Scenes podcast, dedications, mini-commissions , group commissions, exclusive extended interviews, and College & Cocktails episodes. Plus discounts and first dibs on Live Show tickets and merch. Exclusive VIP section on the message board Forum More goodies: GymCastic newsletters  2024 College & Cocktails menu (including mocktails, of course) GymCastic Fantasy Games GymCastic Store: clothing and gifts to let your gym nerd flag fly and even "tapestries" (banners, the perfect to display in an arena) to support your favorite gymnast! Hats: coming soon. Catch up with these U.S. Championship Links Behind The Scenes: Final Day U.S. Championships 2024 Behind The Scenes: Day One U.S. Championships 2024 Behind The Scenes: Podium Training U.S. Championships 2024 U.S. Championships Preview 2024 Podium training montage here (be sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel while you're there) Simone's Press Conference here Photos galleries Full Championship scores Highest scoring team machine from Emily Giambalvo at the Washington Post RECENT EPISODES Three World Champion Coaches Get Candid  with Cleo Washington, Sarah Korngold and Owen Field Behind The Scenes: Sarah Korngold and Owen Field Follow Up Q&A Behind The Scenes: Artistry with Spencer  Behind The Scenes: May 27th New Olympians Qualified Today RESOURCES Spencer's Clickable Code of Points Gymnastics History and Code of Points Archive from Uncle Tim 15.366 Follow the effects of the Russian invasion to Ukraine at Gymnovosti The Highest scores, D scores and World Cup rankings at The Gymternet Men's Gymnastics coverage from Kensley Neutral Deductions MORE WAYS TO LISTEN HERE    

The latest Paris Olympic Team news: Chinese Olympic Team: Qiu Qiyuan, Zhou Yaqin, Ou Yushan, Zhang Yihan, Luo Huan British Olympic Team: Alica Kinsella, Becky Downie, Georgia-Mae Fenton, Ruby Evans, Abi Martin We spend a lot of time talking about the amazingness of Becky making her third Olympic team at age 32 Watch Deanna Hong's documentary about Becky Downie's comeback this year Canadian Olympic Team so far: Ellie Black and Aurélie Tran German National Championships where all-around champ, Helen Kevric and veteran Ellie Seitz battle it out despite an incorrect D score Melanie winning French Championships in her Dior leo The Mixed Group draw for Paris qualifications where the defending Olympic bars champion, Derwael, ends that event! Hambuechen doing a Kovacs outdoors Special Guest: Parisian dance critic and sociologist, Dr. Laura Cappelle on artistry in gymnastics What she thinks of the artistry checklist Her new book on the cultural change in ballet companies around the world What team France choreographer, Gregory Milan's approach to minimize deductions and work with the individual gymnasts' movement style See example Morgane Osyssek FX Balanchine's lesson to "See the music and hear the dance." Creating a vocabulary about choreography and artistry for gymnastics; knowing when choreography is successful: Is it a complete performance? Coherent and part of a whole. Range and quality of expression; acting Connectedness of movements Construction of the choreography; is it just steps rather than a journey with a start, arc and end Quality of movement; fluid movement Successful choreography is agnostic of style Does the style of movement fit the gymnast Change of intensity, each step having a different weight, tempo variation OLYMPIC LIVE SHOW TICKETS ON SALE NOW OLYMPIC TRIALS BONUS PODCAST SCHEDULE Wednesday, 6/26 after podium training (late afternoon/evening) CT Friday, 6/28 after Women's Day One 10:15ish pm CT Sunday 6/30 Live Show live from Minnesota Olympic Trials Join Club Gym Nerd (or give it as a gift!). It includes: Weekly Q&A  Behind The Scenes podcast, dedications, mini-commissions , group commissions, exclusive extended interviews, and College & Cocktails episodes. Plus discounts and first dibs on Live Show tickets and merch. Exclusive VIP section on the message board Forum More goodies: GymCastic newsletters  2024 College & Cocktails menu (including mocktails, of course) GymCastic Fantasy Games GymCastic Store: clothing and gifts to let your gym nerd flag fly and even "tapestries" (banners, the perfect to display in an arena) to support your favorite gymnast! Hats: coming soon. Catch up with these U.S. Championship Links Behind The Scenes: Final Day U.S. Championships 2024 Behind The Scenes: Day One U.S. Championships 2024 Behind The Scenes: Podium Training U.S. Championships 2024 U.S. Championships Preview 2024 Podium training montage here (be sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel while you're there) Simone's Press Conference here Photos galleries Full Championship scores Highest scoring team machine from Emily Giambalvo at the Washington Post RECENT EPISODES Three World Champion Coaches Get Candid  with Cleo Washington, Sarah Korngold and Owen Field Behind The Scenes: Sarah Korngold and Owen Field Follow Up Q&A Behind The Scenes: Artistry with Spencer  Behind The Scenes: May 27th New Olympians Qualified Today 2024 U.S. Classic Meet Recap 2024 U.S. Classic: Immediate Post-Meet Reactions Behind The Scenes: Catchup with Scott Bregman  Behind The Scenes: Gabby USAG WTF Hana Ricna RESOURCES Spencer's Clickable Code of Points Gymnastics History and Code of Points Archive from Uncle Tim 15.366 Follow the effects of the Russian invasion to Ukraine at Gymnovosti The Highest scores, D scores and World Cup rankings at The Gymternet Men's Gymnastics coverage from Kensley Neutral Deductions MORE WAYS TO LISTEN HERE      

You think you know Python? We thought so, too. Join us for an episode of surprises. You might know some of those, but you sure don't know all of them. ## Outline (00:00:00) INTRO (00:02:22) Integer interning with a twist (00:10:58) Return in finally (00:15:32) all([[]]) (00:20:06) Lists, iterators and hashing shenanigans (00:27:08) hash(-1) (00:31:30) String interning (00:34:23) PR OF THE WEEK (00:34:56) asyncio REPL now uses pyrepl, too (00:44:06) PyOS_InputHook (00:51:56) WHAT'S GOING ON IN CPYTHON (00:52:05) New core developers! (00:55:10) 3.13 beta 2 & 3.12.4 released (00:56:04) Pablo's top 3 favorite pyrepl improvements in Beta 2 (00:59:50) PEP 667 implemented! (01:02:42) Tian Gao's improvements to pdb (01:06:31) Uncle Tim's crusade to make int(some_string) asymptotically faster (01:08:50) datetime now uses interpreter-local static types (01:09:55) PEP 749 enters the chat, paving the way to a PEP 649 future (01:11:35) os.fwalk, os.walk, shutil.rmtree now support arbitrary depth directory trees (01:14:13) Free-threading changes (01:22:15) OUTRO

Bible Reading: Philippians 1:3-6; 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18Astrid plopped down on the porch swing. She looked up as her Uncle Tim came up the porch steps. "Hi, Astrid," he said. "Do I see a frown on this beautiful day? What's up?"Astrid sighed. "My friend Ella's rich grandpa paid for a vacation in Florida for her whole family. I heard all the details at least a hundred times! Why can't I have a rich grandpa too, instead of just paper ones?""Paper grandpas? What do you mean?" asked Uncle Tim."Well, Grandpa Jerry's picture has been standing on the desk for as long as I can remember, and that's all I know of him. And my other grandpa died so long ago that I can't remember him either. We just have pictures of them--paper grandpas."Uncle Tim frowned. "You have an awfully poor reason for wanting a grandpa," he said, and Astrid looked down at her feet. "Both of your grandpas are in heaven, Astrid. They might not be able to show you how much they love you in the same way Ella's grandpa can show her, but they gave you something much better than a trip to Florida."Astrid looked at her uncle with wide eyes. "They did?" Uncle Tim nodded. "Grandpa Jerry loved me in a way that helped me realize how much God loves me. He prayed for me throughout my life--and he prayed for you too, even if you weren't old enough to remember. He prayed that you would believe that Jesus died on the cross for you and trust Him as your Savior so you would be with Him forever." Uncle Tim smiled at Astrid. "I guess neither of your grandpas had a lot of money, but they had something much more important. Their greatest hope and prayer was that all their family members would recognize the depth of Jesus's love for them."Astrid gave her uncle a little smile. "I trust in Jesus," she said. "When Ella comes back from Florida, maybe I should tell her about my grandpas and how I can't wait to see them in heaven someday.""Good idea." Uncle Tim grinned. "Your grandpas may just be pictures to you now, but when you meet them in heaven, they won't be paper grandpas anymore." –Phyllis I. KlomparensHow About You?What do you value in your parents or grandparents? Is it the things they can give you in this life? Or have they taught you that, for Christians, the best is yet to come? Thank God for the Christians He's put in your life who show you His love and pray for you. Even if some of them aren't with you anymore, one day you'll be able to thank them too for pointing you to Jesus.Today's Key Verse:I thank my God every time I remember you. (NIV) (Philippians 1:3 )Today's Key Thought:Be thankful for Christians who love you

Jeff Chapman and his Uncle Tim Chapman are artists, writers, and generally humorous people that wrote a sitcom. The show that never happened…  at least not yet. Currently in the copyright process, Cracked Foundation was inspired by their over 50 combined years of working in fundraising as fundraisers, non-profit executives, board members, donors, university employees and grantors and grantees from and to charities. “After so many laughable moments, people and combined situations that make us laugh to tears, we thought the world would enjoy laughing with us, so we wrote this idea for a television sitcom over many years, sharing many stories with former colleagues.” Says Jeff, 54 and Tim, 68. Tim is an oil painter and bronze sculptor while Jeff is a newspaper feature column writer and editorial political cartoonist… but these are just hobbies away from their professional jobs.   You can connect with them through:  www.Chappiecreative.com https://www.timchapmanart.com

Preacher William, Valerie, & the seeds of discord.A Spring Break 14-part Novel.By FinalStand. Listen to the complete episode at Steamy Stories.Christina's late night visit.Anyway, we were uncoiling from the sofa and Rio was giving me this mysterious look when there was a knock at the door.“Dude, it is 11 o'clock,” Rio muttered. “Only bad news arrives this late.”“I'll go check it out,” I shrugged. There wasn't much else I could do. I opened the door and there stood Christina, looking pretty depressed.“Do you want to come in?” I asked.“I know you have company,” she replied. “Can we talk outside?” It wasn't too chilly but I wasn't wearing too much either.“Of course,” I walked onto the porch, leaving the door mostly closed behind me. “What's wrong?”“I've worked things out with Faith and the other girls,” Christina paced nervously. “We are all going to keep quiet about what you learned and see how we can turn this to our advantage.” I didn't say anything because she hadn't come to tell me the news of what had been the obvious move on her part so I was left wondering what was going on, then I saw it.I opened my arms to the side, palms forward, and waited. She saw the move and looked me over with obvious reluctance for what would come next. Finally, she stepped up to me and rested her forehead on my shoulder and let me encase her in my arms. It sucks to be alone, but it truly sucks being alone and being the one in charge even more.“God, Zane, I fucked up. I could have ruined Heaven's life,” she sighed. “The others trusted me and I let them down.”“You are not doing Heaven any favors by being paralyzed with doubt,” I told her. “You had no idea who you were up against and even if you had, you would still have weighed what was best for Heaven against the risks and pretty much acted in the same manner.”“You don't understand Heaven,” Christina said. “You don't understand her home life.”“Her home life is not my concern, Christina,” I pointed out. “The Heaven here and now is my concern, though, and it is the concern of several more friends she's made since coming to this school, friends she wouldn't have if she stayed in a hole.”“What if I fuck up again?” she worried. “So many girls are depending on me to keep the Chancellor at bay.”“I fuck up all the time and I'm still here,” I countered. “I know what you mean, though. Sometimes when these girls look at me like they expect me to have all the answers and I've got nothing, I want to run and hide.”“We don't have that luxury. We chose to stand up and now we must carry on in our struggle. I don't know about you, but I wasn't raised to quit,” I related to her.“I made a mistake, Zane. I don't make mistakes,” she declared.“I'm confused; have we lost?” I questioned her.“No,” she grumbled, “and that is not what I meant. I brought Faith in, I misread her, and we all suffered because of it. I was deceived.”“Well, someone should remind Christina Buchanan from time to time that she's human, and a pretty smart woman at that,” I replied. “You don't have to win every battle, only the last one.”“That is what my grandfather said,” she mumbled into my shoulder.“He sounds like a clever guy,” I said softly. “He should go far someday.” Since he was one of the richest men in America, I was probably right.“You can be a real jerk at times,” she muttered, but I noted she wasn't moving.“I have to agree with you,” I said, as I got up on my tiptoes and kissed her on the top of the head. I leaned back and tilted her head to me with a finger under her chin. “Christina Buchanan, would you marry me?” No one said anything for a minute.“Can I think about it?” she finally whispered.“Of course,” I assured her. “How could I be in love with you if I couldn't wait for you?”“How can you love me when you don't even know me?” she asked.“That's why it is love and not like,” I answered. “There are times you really piss me off but there is never a moment I don't want to be with you.”“You don't like me?” Christina studied me.“Right now I like you just fine, but you can be a real pain at times. See, I know what's right and you refuse to know your place,” I responded.“And what place is that?” she smiled.“Above me, smiling down,” I leaned in for a kiss.“No,” she shook her head.“No?” I pleaded.“We have a long way to go before I let you treat me like another one of your girls,” Christina informed me.“Okay,” I agreed.“No hard sell in my emotionally vulnerable state?” she mused.“You are safe with me, Christina,” I assured her.“That's good to know, Zane. Now go inside before Rio blows a gasket,” she smiled, slipped out of my arms, and walked toward her car. I still soaked up the marvel of her receding silhouette.Rio was leaning against the wall just inside the hallway when I got back in.“I don't get the two of you,” she grinned.“I love her,” was my only response.“That's good, because she's fucking nuts about you,” Rio laughed. I couldn't decide whether she was kidding or not.Later, we lay together in bed, Rio partially over me where she alternated between listening to my heartbeat and kissing my shoulder. She also had a hand between her legs and was doing some serious vaginal stimulation.“Zane.”“Yes?” I replied.“I had an abortion,” she confided in me.“Oh, okay,” was all I could manage to come back with.“‘Oh.' Is that it?” she sounded a bit hurt.“I figure there is more to the story than you had an abortion. So are you going to tell me what it is?” I inquired. She mulled that over for a few seconds.“I did some really stupid shit, like getting shit-faced drunk at some parties with people I barely knew, and pretty much got used like a whore. I didn't really care, and eventually I got knocked up,” she told me.“My parents, the big Pro-Lifers that they were, smuggled me out of state to a private clinic and aborted the kid. They never asked my opinion on the matter but I imagine that having a pregnant daughter who couldn't even name the father wasn't on their agenda,” she recited bitterly. I wrapped an arm around her, rolled over on her, and kissed her gently on the lips.“I don't know what to say,” I began. “I can't imagine what it was like to go through that.”“Huh,” Rio snorted. “My parents slapped me with anti-depressants and an implant, my ‘friends' told me it was for the best, not being teen Mom material and all, and I treated myself like a whore.”“Hell, I sucked and fucked the entire lawn crew once; I fucked my little brother's friends; and I became known as the girl who would ride bareback at my school. It is a miracle I didn't contract herpes or AIDS,” she recited sadly. “I think I hated just about everybody.”“You know that none of that matters to me; right?” I asked. “You are still that woman I woke up next to on day one.”“To the bitter end,” she recited.“To the bitter end,” I affirmed, my promise to stand by her no matter what.“Why couldn't you be in love with me?” she sighed.“You are asking an eighteen-year-old how this love thing works?” I teased her. “I've been lucky enough to meet five women in the past two weeks I'd like to spend forever with, and I love the one I'm least likely to end up with. I'm clueless.”“Me, Iona, Barbie Lynn, Christina and Heaven?” Rio guessed. I nodded, which made her snicker. “You really want to spend forever with Heaven? You are a glutton for punishment.”“Heaven can be really nice,” I defended my girlfriend.“She's got a permanent case of PMS. Hell knows what would happen if she actually had PMS,” Rio teased me back.“So you don't want to spend any more time with her?” I inquired.“Fuck that,” Rio giggled, “I like them brave, bold, and saucy in the saddle. I'd love breaking her down, or having her break me trying.”“Fine,” I announced after a moment's contemplation.“Fine?” she asked.“I'm not going to break my word to Jill but I can't wait to fuck you until we get back to campus, so how would you like to screw on Pastor Bill's desk before Sunday school?” I suggested.“I'd love to leave a little something extra on that gold-plated conman's desk,” Rio purred.“Now, Zane, do you think you could bend the rules ever so slightly and finger-fuck me? I'm ever so horny,” Rio pleaded. I figured it couldn't hurt too much; right? I rubbed and rubbed one hand down to her crotch where Rio had already pulled her soaked panties down to mid-thigh. With my other hand, I pushed up her top, exposing her ripe nipples, chain and all.I plucked a nipple into my mouth, letting my tongue play along the stud before sucking in more of the breast, increasing the pressure on the nipple itself. Rio was well worked up already and now began to writhe beneath me. My free hand passed below her carefully groomed chevron-shaped pubic mound and along her clit.Her folds welcomed me like molten gold, so hot yet silky smooth to the touch. As she started to moan, Rio stuck the meat of her palm into her mouth and bit down in order to keep quiet. I spent a minute playing with her two studs in her labia before working two fingers deep inside her, twisting them, and seeking out her G-spot.“Gak!” Rio convulsed as I stroked it. Oh, yeah, I thought, as I began to seriously work it over. Rio's fluids were sloshing around my fingers, her other hand began pressing my whole mouth over her breast, and she kept bucking up against me. I now began to alternate between rhythmically tapping her special place and brutally finger fucking her, driving two fingers in and slapping her clit with my palm.“Uh, uh, uh, ugh, ugh, um,” Rio began panting, then her body arched and she screamed into her clenched fist. “Oh, fuck, that's good,” she finally managed to get out. Before I could respond, she grabbed my head and drew me up for a fierce kiss. She tore at my lips and tried to steal my breath away.“Tell me you want me,” she pleaded with a desperate hunger tinged with fear.“I want you, Rio, always,” I responded with my own heat and need. Slowly the passion ebbed from Rio's eyes and a playful demeanor replaced it.“You are such a dumb blonde, Glenda,” she sighed happily. Glenda had been the name that had allowed me admission to school in the first place, Glenn Zane Braxton, Glenda.I answered by pulling my fingers out of her cunt, taking a lick, then pushing them through her lips. Rio daintily sucked on them, pulling them in and cleaning them off before biting down like the little bitch she is and making tears come to my eyes.“What the fuck!” I hissed.“That's for not giving me your dick, Asshole,” she snickered. When I looked ready to explode, she pouted her lips, rolled onto her stomach and stuck her bare ass up in the air for a spanking. I grunted and rolled over onto my side, away from her.“Good night, you witch,” I sulked.There was some rustling behind me a minute later, then Rio snaked an arm around me and pressed her body to my back.“I'm sorry,” she whispered. “I act crazy at times.” I rolled over to face her.“I know what I'm getting into, Rio,” I comforted her. “That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt at times.” I displayed my wounded fingers. She kissed my fingers, I kissed her lips, and we both finally went to sleep.Preacher William, Valerie, and the seeds of discord.*You can live without freedom the same way you can live without light, happiness, or music*Jill didn't know what to make of our prompt appearance Sunday morning for breakfast already dressed for church. I'd convinced Rio to not try a hard sell with my aunt, instead playing it calm, cool, and collected. The real reason we wanted to get to church early was because I'd come up with the idea of screwing Rio on Pastor Bill's massive mahogany desk before class and she'd become infatuated with the scheme.GAINING DEFINITIONWe had to remember our Bibles before eagerly heading out the door. Mine went back to my missionary days while Rio's was brand new, a gift from Jill. She'd lost her old one on the trip from Arizona to Virginia, or so she'd told Jill. In reality, she had torn hers apart page by page and stuffed it down the airplane toilet during the flight, her way of spreading the gospel.Once at the church, we split up, Rio and I getting together a few minutes later. I was unsure about the security cameras in the hallway but Rio shrugged it off. She followed the wires to the closet the system was kept in, picked the lock, and deleted the last two hours of footage before deactivating the whole system.I was clever enough to wipe off all our fingerprints before we made for the pastor's office. This time, Rio's improvised, lock picks weren't necessary as the secretary kept the door unlocked. We slipped past her station to the larger office beyond and I chased Rio around to the ‘big chair'.“So, Bad Boy, are you going to make me a Bad Girl?” Rio taunted me.I stepped up between her thighs and got ready to feast on her succulent cunt lips when she held me up.“I don't think we have time for that,” Rio grinned. She slipped out of her panties, which I quickly pocketed (having learned from the first Barbie Lynn incident), and hopped up on the desk facing me.I unbuckled my belt, fixed the button, and unzipped my pants. My penis came smoothly out of my boxers and I lined up with Rio's slit. Her juices were already flowing by the time my cockhead graced her full lips.“Oh, that's what I've been looking for,” Rio moaned, as I pushed forward inch after glorious inch inside her.She wrapped her arms around my neck and came close to doing the same with her legs around my waist by the time I was fully into her. I got a few half-thrusts into Rio, our faces only inches apart, when I began to push her back down on the desk.“No, I want to look into your eyes,” she told me. I nodded and started driving my cock in a strong steady rhythm.“Rio,” I said softly.“Yes,” she breathed heavily.“I like saying your name,” I explained. “I like the sound of it and the way it makes me feel.”“I, ” I was sure she was fighting for a snarky reply but then she smiled and said, “Okay.”“Oh. God, Oh, Fuck,” Rio gasped, as we began, getting her close to climax. I stopped when I first heard the voices. “What?” Rio panted. I pulled her off the desk and looked for a place to hide. There were three other doors out of the room. I took the closest, yanked up my pants, and dragged Rio to it.It turned out to be a large closet with vestments, coats, and a few changes of clothing inside. Before I could finish shutting the door, Rio put her hand in the way. Before I could inquire why, the main office door opened and in came Pastor Bill and Lance Wellington. They were yammering on about something or other; I really wasn't paying attention.All that changed after Pastor Bill took his seat behind the desk and swiveled it to the side. Lance came around the desk and knelt before our spiritual leader. His body blocked my visual but I heard a zipper being undone and some clothes being pushed aside. What Lance proceeded to do was clear enough, though.Rio was between me and the door; she looked over her shoulder and grinned evilly. Before long, she had my cock in her hand and was maneuvering it back to her pussy from behind. I moved my hips down, she arched up, and I slipped back into the hole I'd been in not a minute before. I stayed still while Rio began to ride my cock up and down.There we were, two very different couples separated by less than a dozen feet, both fucking in different ways. Lance was giving Pastor Bill oral attention in a manner that dictated long familiarity to not only cock-sucking, but blowing Pastor Bill in particular. Rio had one hand placed against the door sill in order to stop us from spilling out of the closet while the other was tucked against her stomach.The four of us were pushing toward climax but Pastor Bill was the first one to the trigger. I was still feeling the oily smoothness of my cock inside Rio's vagina while rubbing both breasts through her shirt and bra when Lance began chocking and sputtering. The bastard hadn't even warned Lance that he was cumming.Good ole Pastor Bill reached across the desk to grab two Kleenex. As he did so, his other hand came down to rest on a slick spot Rio and I had left on his desk. He looked at his hand with disgust and wiped it off his hand before handing a tissue to Lance.“Get going to class,” Pastor Bill told his cock-sucking companion.“Of course, Pastor William,” Lance responded as he cleaned his face. As he headed to the door, he turned to the preacher.“Do I have to do another marriage counseling session with Felicity? She is so damn annoying,” he whined.“Lance, you are going to have to keep up appearances and that means spending the occasional night with her,” Pastor Bill lectured him. “As distasteful as she is, she is the socially acceptable choice for your spouse if you plan to have a political career.”“I wish this whole marriage thing was over with already,” Lance sighed. “Then I could stick her in the house and get her out of my life.”“Remember, a woman is a duty, but you know how to get your pleasure. Take your pill when you have to lay with her, and if nothing else, use her back door,” he chuckled.“I suppose so,” Lance conceded, “but I'll have to shut her up. She blathers on and on incessantly and her voice is so grating.”“Well,” Pastor Bill laughed, “you can always use her mouth too.” Lance snorted and left the room; Bill followed a minute later.For our part, the whole exchange between Pastor Bill and Lance got Rio hotter and hotter. She was rocketing back against me until I was afraid the slapping of our flesh would alert our host to our presence.Once he was gone, Rio went off.“Fuck me, damn it,” Rio exulted. “I'm going to rape their asses.” I wasn't sure how that would work. It wasn't like Rio's or my word would go all that far. I decided to spin her back around and kick her leg up over my arm so I could fuck her while gazing into her eyes.The first thing I noticed was the sheer joy etched all over her face. The second thing I noted was her phone in hand, set on record. There was going to be some severe damage over this and I had to do damage control, but first I had to screw Rio to orgasm.“Ah, ah, ah,” Rio moaned. “You are churning me up inside, you fucking brute. This is so fucking good.”“And the video?” I inquired.“Fucking brilliant,” she panted, “My best idea yet.” I drilled Rio several more strong strokes and she gripped me tightly and sexually exploded on me. She kept squeezing my cock with her vaginal muscles as I came in her as she was still cresting her wave.“Oh, Zane,” she wept tears of joy on my shoulder, “You make all this other shit bearable.”“No problem, bro,” I sighed happily, “but we need to talk about the video.”“Yeah,” she snorted, “you have a plan. I'm going to bypass me having a temper-tantrum and get straight to you making me happy with how clever you are.”“We find more ways to bring Felicity over to our side, then hit her with this when she's wavering,” I detailed. “We still need credibility and that's going to take Barbie Lynn on our side. Once we get Felicity, we can get Mrs. Wellington too. That gives us access to everyone in the church.”I set Rio onto her feet and handed her panties too her. Rio shimmied into them and grinned.“Now I'm all sloshy inside. Is that thing a damn fire hydrant?”“You weren't complaining a minute ago,” I countered.“I'm not complaining, but all those bitches in class are going to know I've been fucked,” she snickered.“Who are you going to blame?” I wondered.“Pastor William, our glorious shepherd; I can describe just what his cock looks like now,” she grinned manically.“I think we are back to that whole 'credibility' issue,” I reminded her.“You aren't going to let me have any fun,” Rio pouted.“Well, work on this; I'm pretty sure Lance isn't the only guy here that the pastor is using. Lance was a tool, nothing more,” I told her. “It could be fun to find out who his other toys are.”“I hate you for having a better idea than me,” Rio giggled, “but I love your deviant mind more.”“I love you too, Baby,” I said as I brushed her cheek. “Let's get to class before they get to ridicule us for arriving late.” Rio grabbed my hand and sprinted with me out of the office. We were late to class but only just. This time I'd studied so Mr. Coleman wasn't able to humiliate me, though some wise-ass taunted me about being on a women's committee.“Yes, I do,” I confirmed, “and what committee are you on?”“Athletics committee,” he sneered. I gave him a shit-eating grin right back that gave him pause.“So I hang out with a bunch of MILF's, which is a pretty red-blooded American male thing to do, while you hang out with a bunch of guys, which is pretty homo-erotic,” I chuckled.There was a deafening silence in the room. We had broken up for church service and a few guys were almost out the door. The target of my aggression was first stunned, then angry.“Mr. Braxton, that is quite enough out of you,” Mr. Coleman snapped.“I'm sorry about that, Mr. Coleman. I thought he was ribbing me about my committee so I teased him back about his; I wasn't serious,” I lied.Andy, the guy who'd given me a hard time, elected that moment to get in my face.“That wasn't funny, Braxton,” he snapped. Mr. Coleman remained conspicuously silent.“Gosh, Andy,” I quipped, “I don't know where to begin. How about, we are in a House of God and shouldn't be raising a fist against one another.”“If that doesn't work, do understand that you get the first punch, then I break you like a twig,” I continued with eagerness written all over my face. “You are an elementary school teacher and I have years of martial arts experience.” Andy suddenly paled.“Mr. Braxton,” Coleman growled again. “How dare you threaten somebody?”“Um, Mr. Coleman, Andy got in my face, so what exactly are you getting on my case about? Wouldn't the situation be better served if you stopped him in the first place?” I said.“Andy should be able to take a joke better,” another guy in my class, Christopher Gilbert, joined in. “Besides, Zane's right; the wives on the committee are attractive and their husbands are lucky men.”That seemed to end the matter because Chris Gilbert was the son of somebody and carried weight in this crowd. We continued to depart but I felt obliged to stop Chris.“Thanks, but I'm not sure why you just backed me up there,” I questioned.“Maybe you're not such a bad guy,” he grinned.I had to think that over. I barely knew Christopher Gilbert. He was 23, son of a big real estate guy, he was a property manager, whatever that was.“I have to appreciate the timing of your epiphany,” I joked.“It came to me late Thursday night when I had a security issue at one of my properties,” he grinned. Oh, crap. His daddy must own the mall where I had that little altercation.“Sorry if I cost you a good night's sleep,” was all I could say.“Let me say that, 'damn, you're fast,' and it would have been mean of me to let Andy get his ass handed to him in front of all his friends,” Chris related. “He's really not a bad guy either.”“I'll keep that in mind,” I nodded.We were making our way to the church hall when Rio, Iona, and Barbie Lynn intercepted us.“Hey, Ms. Masters,” Chris said to Barbie Lynn. He looked at the other two girls.“Christopher Gilbert, this is Rio Talon and Iona Becket, two of my classmates and closest friends,” I introduced my buddies.“So, Chris, how do you know Barbie-licious?” Rio smirked.“Huh?” Chris said.“Rio has an intense sense of humor, Chris,” I intervened. “Pay her no mind.” Before Rio cold make things worse, I placed an arm behind her and pinched her butt. “Behave,” I warned her.“Okay, Zane,” Chris chuckled. “Good luck with that one. To answer your question: I know Ms. Masters from a few years back at a youth retreat. We were both counselors. Take care now.” He turned and walked off to his section of the tabernacle while the girls and I went off to ours.“So, Barbie, were you hot for Chris back at camp?” Rio persisted.“Chris? Nah, he had a girlfriend back then; they both went to the University of Virginia. I think they broke up right before they graduated but I'm not sure,” Barbie Lynn informed us. “Besides, I had a fiancé too.”“Had? Have you tossed him over for Zane?” Rio teased. I sighed and Barbie Lynn blushed.“Nah, Shugah, I tossed him over for you,” Barbie Lynn whispered into Rio's ear.“Just for that tantalizing tease, no Honey Glaze for those hot crossed buns of yours,” Rio bantered right back.“Am I the only one who remembers we are in a church?” lectured Iona.“No, you are not,” Christina surprised us. “Now stop trying to make a scene and sit down with the rest of us.” We dutifully obeyed because three of us respected Christina and I had one of Rio's arms twisted behind her back.At the end of service there was no problem getting the gang to go down to the space between the pews and the podium where the important people gathered. I caught Pastor William shooting me a hooded look but I blew him off. I was here for someone else, as was Barbie Lynn and Rio. Iona was tagging along to make sure we kept out of too much trouble.“Hey, Sahara,” I greeted the pastor's wife, who hovered near but wasn't part of the action.“Why, hello, Zane,” she smiled. “Did you enjoy the service?”“I'm still a little fuzzy on the message of seeking wisdom in God's word instead of Man's technology,” I grinned. “After all, I have an app that gives me helpful Bible verses on demand.”“I think you missed the point, Zane,” she shook her head with mirth. “We need to trust the Word of God over the simple technological solutions that fail to take in the moral implications of the results.”“Wow, when you say it that way, it makes sense,” I applauded. Sahara blushed and gave me another smile.Rio and Barbie Lynn had closed in on Felicity, allowing Iona and I to come up behind Mrs. Wellington. I put my hand on the small of her back and positioned myself at her side.“Hello, Mrs. Wellington,” I greeted her. I knew her first look at me would define a lot about how she felt about last night.“Zane,” she beamed at me. “How are you doing today?”“Better now,” I grinned. “I just wanted to say that I'm downloading those files we discussed when I get to campus this afternoon.”“Oh,” Mrs. Bainbridge sneered, “is Mr. Braxton working on a special project already?”“Zane,” Rochelle Wellington smiled to her rival sweetly, “send Kendra a copy of the notes you showed me. Kendra, Zane has a talent for 3-D imagery that the committee will find quite useful. I thought you might find it nice to have our newest member showing some interest.”“Oh, it is his interest that I'm worried about,” Kendra commented, with a pretty obvious look toward Sahara.Before I could respond to that jab, I felt a hand on my shoulder trying to pull me around.“Pastor William wants a word with you,” Lance informed me.“Okay,” I shrugged, then turned back to Kendra. “Mrs. Bainbridge, I admit that it is my fault that I find Mrs. Penny to be kinder, more compassionate, and more spiritually understanding than you. She is a gentle soul who better relates to what a young man needs.”“Pastor William wants to see you now,” Lance insisted.“That's nice, Lance. I'm talking to your mother,” I said dismissively. “Rochelle, thank you for agreeing to mentor me; I appreciate you helping me understand this Church and this community by taking some of your valuable time to listen to my ideas.”“Ladies, have a nice Sunday. Okay, Lance, let's go see what Pastor Bill wants now,” I told him.“His name is Pastor William,” Lance corrected me somewhat angrily.“No, his name is William Penny and he happens to be a pastor,” I jibed. Lance's response was stymied by our arrival at Pastor Bill's circle of cronies.“Ah, Glenn,” Bill greeted me. “I would like to invite you to dine with my wife and I tomorrow night.” I was smart enough to know that wasn't really an invitation, but still,“I'd like to but this week is our first round of testing for the semester so I'm not sure I can break free,” I answered.“You find time enough for other things, like jail,” he lectured me in a personally degrading matter.“Pastor William, as you will learn about me, people who cross me or threaten the ones I hold dear, I beat bloody and leave broken on the ground,” I smiled evilly right back. The confusion that threat caused was evident because I hadn't been quiet.“Jesus loves the Peacemaker,” Pastor Bill bantered back.“Winners write the history books,” I countered.“That is not very Christian of you,” Mr. Wellington, the Mayor, pointed out.“Jesus Christ ended up nailed to a cross; Emperor Constantine, who converted the whole Roman Empire to Christ's worship, got to build his own city,” I responded.“I won't be as famous but I'll do more and get to bury my enemies before I die,” I added.“Are you sure you were a missionary in Thailand?” another church elder asked.“Oh, I was a missionary all right, but not a very good one. I left the hard work to my Uncle Tim and Aunt Jill,” I informed them.“Did they convert many heathen souls to the World of our Lord?” a third man inquired.“It is not that simple. They taught people to read English and got them in the practice of reading the Bible,” I explained. “They have over a thousand years of culture to work against and many of the tenants of Buddhism are close to our own Christian virtues so it is hard work.”“So that would be a 'No',” Pastor Bill gloated.“Really?” I grinned. “When Uncle Tim went missing, 200 of his flock risked floodwaters in an eventually futile effort to save him. How many of us would risk drowning to save you, Pastor William? I would say that when lives were on the line, his flock did their Christian duty.”I noticed Jill standing on the edge of the group listening, her eyes close to tears. Hey, I hated Tim, but I wasn't going to let these spineless bastards degrade the man in front of his widow, no matter how I felt.“I'm sure we would all rise to the challenge,” Mr. Wellington pontificated.“Then you are as good a man as Uncle Tim,” I trapped him with his own words.“Your Uncle Tim gave everything, including his life,” Pastor Bill said with a smug, superior smile. “His willingness to give should be an example for all.”“I'm already giving. The Festivities Committee's budget seems a bit anemic so I'm going to be funding some of their efforts,” I enlightened him.“That is not how tithes are normally handled,” Pastor Bill corrected me.“I'm not a normal guy,” I grinned. “Pastor, I'll look over my schedule and call your house to let you know if I can swing dinner tomorrow. It has been a wonderful chat but I have to be going now.”I turned and left them there, confident I hadn't made any friends among Bill's inner circle. The price of their friendship was way more than I was willing to pay and it wasn't just monetary. My girls swarmed around me, even Jill.“Thank you, Zane,” Jill said softly. “Tim would have been proud.”“Jill, I said that for you, not him. You stood by him and that shouldn't be trampled on by people who don't know any better,” I comforted her.“I was getting ready to cry out 'Blood and Souls for my Lord Arioch,” Rio grinned.“Why did you antagonize them?” Iona wondered.“They are used to bullying people and getting their way. I let them know I was more than willing to fight,” I told Iona.“He also wanted the women to see what he was doing,” Barbie Lynn said. “I saw a few females, Felicity included, who thought a great deal of how Zane handled the situation.”“Girls love watching men fight over them,” Rio laughed as we exited into the parking lot.“Is everyone coming to our place for lunch?” Jill asked. I took a quick look around the girls who nodded their approval.“Sure thing, Jill; we will be at home in an hour,” I answered.Getting back to campus and into casual clothes wasn't a problem, nor was lunch with Jill. We sat around and shot the shit for an hour afterwards but school work demanded that we head back to school to do some actual classwork. I went by Raven's to pick her up because she'd left me a text (by way of Iona) that she'd made some progress over the weekend.“We really should study in the library,” Raven told me as we headed to my room.“The last time I checked, the library didn't have a snack bar,” I told her. Raven was less than convinced and a bit nervous until we opened the door to the bottom of the steps leading to the Solarium where I lived and the voices of multiple girls welcomed us.“You have company?” she questioned me.“All freshmen are welcome in my room, Raven. You'll see,” I informed her.“Is there going to be anyplace for us to study, ” Raven began to confound me, then we came to the point where you could see past the side of the stairs into the Solarium.“Oh, God,” she muttered at the scope of the room, “you, you have pool tables!” she ended up in a near squeal. “I love pool!” She took a few steps forward into the room before looking back at me. “What is all this? Where did this all come from?”“I was given the entire Solarium as my room, sort of, and I decided to convert most of it to a common area for the freshman class,” I said.“How long has this been going on?” she wondered.“We did it yesterday,” Iona said from the closest sofa. She put down her laptop and walked over to us. “Zane paid for the stuff and we students put it in. Let me show you around.”“You do that, Iona,” I told her, as I gave my diminutive friend a hug, “I'll be in my room.”Iona led Raven deeper into the complex of entertainment while I headed to my room, which seemed to be the quietest place to study today.ValerieI passed around the Chinese silk screens that shielded my private area from the rest of the Solarium and saw my new monster-sized bed. I also saw the tall, honey-blonde Amazon reclining on it, looking my way.“Come here, my Love-Monkey,” she said in a deep, husky voice. I'm sure my mouth gaped open.“Ah, I don't believe we've been introduced,” I managed to finally say. She smiled and patted the bed beside her.“You are seriously hot and I'm positive I'd remember you if we'd met, but I don't and I do need to study so I'm going to ask you to please leave,” I groaned. “Trust me, I really don't want to be asking you that either.”I heard laughter from the far side of the bed and Rio slowly raised her body into sight.“Bro, the look on your face is priceless,” she chuckled.“So this is really your room?” the other girl inquired.“I told you it was,” Rio grinned.“Yes, it is,” I responded as well. “In fact, this entire floor is mine, mainly because the Administration has nowhere else to stick me.”“Rio, what's going on here?” I turned to my other friend.“Honest, Boss,” she beamed, “I found her when I got home. She's my new dorm mate, your replacement.”“You were her first roommate?” the newcomer asked.“For all of one night,” I confessed. “Then everyone realized she had boobies, and I didn't, and I developed this current life of seclusion.”“This is your version of seclusion?” she questioned.“What can I say?” I sighed. “I'm a man of creature comforts. That still doesn't explain you on my bed. Rio?”“She is Valerie Palmer, a new addition to the school,” Rio started, “but that's not the cool part. She's a member of the Stormriders motorcycle gang.” Seeing my lack of name recognition, Rio added, “They are a big deal in the West, Colorado, Wyoming, New Mexico, Nevada, and Arizona, of course.”“Nice to meet you, Valerie.” I knelt on the bed and extended my hand. “I'm Glenn Zane Braxton, but everyone calls me Zane. Welcome to FFU, and what brought you to us?”“Dad is a born-again Christian and he wanted me to come here, so here I am,” she shrugged. Now, to me that made no sense, as she should have been eighteen, thus her own person, but who was I to press into her personal matters.“Damn it, Zane, I keep forgetting you were living in a cave for the past two years,” Rio shook her head. “Her grandfather is Daniel 'Damien' Palmer.” Again, I didn't know who that person was.“My grandfather is doing three life sentences,” Valerie said with a degree of weariness.“Fine. I should take it the Stormriders are not a motorcycle club, then,” I grinned at her.Valerie's eyes and mine locked for several seconds.“Are you arrogant, stupid, or really unconcerned?” Valerie asked me.“A little of all three,” Rio chimed in.“You should never ask a man if he's arrogant because if he is, he won't know it,” I responded.“I'm smart enough to get into this university, but them I'm dumb enough to be the only guy at this university,” I continued. “I can honestly tell you I really don't care who you were before you came here. It is none of my damn business. If you want to be friends, I'm game.” Valerie nodded. “Oh, and Rio is a nutjob, but if you hurt her, I'll make you suffer, I swear it.”“Is that supposed to scare me, rich boy?” Valerie said, becoming very serious and sitting up, “because I'm not impressed.”“I didn't say it to impress you, Valerie,” I met her gaze, “I believe in fair warning. I don't care if you are damaged goods or you are one stone-cold, bad-ass bitch; you mess with Rio and I'll take her pain out of your hide.”“Rio, I thought you told me this guy was cool,” Valerie said to Rio while still looking at me.“Best guy in the whole God-damn world,” Rio beamed.“Zane, have you ever stabbed somebody?” Valerie quizzed me.“On purpose or by accident?” I asked.“How do you stab someone by accident?” Valerie wondered.“You toss their ass into a stand of bamboo so hard the stalks break and they get impaled,” I answered. “I take it you've done it on purpose.” She shrugged.“Do you fight much?” she changed tact.“More than I should,” I replied, “but I butt in where I don't belong too much.”“Me too,” Valerie nodded, “on the 'I fight more than I should' thing.”“Well, I would rather talk shit upfront than spill blood later,” I pointed out.“Like warning me about Rio,” she nodded.“Please believe me, she's a nut and will get on your nerves, so please don't toss her out a window or down the stairs because I'm actually attached to her,” I grinned. Rio flopped on the bed.“I should be mouthing empty denials but Zane's pretty much right,” Rio snickered, “and if he hadn't fucked me silly on the preacher's desk this morning, I'd be in his face about this bullshit.”“You had sex on your preacher's desk?” Valerie smiled.“Zane, what are these girls, what the hell?” Raven went off. “What kind of bedroom is this?”“Raven, you know Rio and this is her new roommate Valerie. Valerie, this is Raven,” I groaned.“Hey, Raven,” Valerie greeted her. “So do you normally walk into Zane's bedroom too?”“No,” Raven blushed. “He invited me over to do some work on our English project.” Iona stepped in behind Raven and waved to Rio.“Iona, Valerie; Valerie, Iona,” I sighed.“Wait!” Valerie raised her hand and looked back to me. “Are you gay? Because I see a lot of girls strolling into your room and none of them have been identified as your girlfriend yet.”“Technically, that would be Heaven,” Iona volunteered. “She's a senior.”“Can we get back to everyone being in Zane's room?” Raven grumbled. “And what is he doing with a bed as big as my entire room back home?” Valerie appraised the room.“Got it,” she laughed. “You are sleeping with her (Iona) and her (Rio), but not you (Raven).”“Of course I'm not sleeping with him,” Raven shot back. “I took a Purity Pledge, as should all of you.”“I'm not a virgin,” Valerie responded.“Me, either,” Rio waved.“I am,” Iona raised her hand.“That's nice,” I directed. “Rio, Valerie, and Iona, please leave. I've invited Raven to my room so we can do actual classwork because I occasionally like to pretend I'm in college for an education.”“On it, Zane,” Rio snickered. “Come on, Valerie, let's go check out the hot tub. I wanted to show you to Zane so he could put you on his 'To Do' list.” Iona shook her head and left.“I've got a boyfriend,” Valerie clarified.“Thank God,” I muttered, which drew looks from all three women. After Rio and Val left, Raven kept staring at me.“I, does this happen to you often?” she finally asked.“Yes, but I've learned to adjust,” I pointed out.We sat down on the bed, Raven pulled out four library books on the period we were looking into, and we began going through them and taking notes.“Is Heaven really your girlfriend?” Raven asked after a while.“Yes, but it is more complicated than that. I love another girl but I don't know if she loves me, and I spend time with a dozen other girls here, plus I have friends at a Sorority House off campus,” I explained.“And you sleep with Rio, who isn't a virgin, and Iona, who is,” she stated, and I confirmed with a nod.“I was wrong. If you can keep all that straight in your head, you have a good grasp of details. We are going to do fine on this term paper.”“Thank you, Raven,” I smiled at her, and for a change, she smiled back.GUST FRONTI would have liked to spend the night with Iona and Barbie Lynn but Iona informed me that Coach Dana Gorman had tested her security code earlier in the day and I figured something was up; nothing good for me and my friends. Sure enough, at 12:10 in the morning, my little buzzer by the bed that informed me that a key code was being entered woke me up.I silenced the alarm (no sense in letting them know that I had it) and waited in bed. Shortly thereafter, the Coach and two female security guards came strolling in.“Alone?” Dana quipped.“You asking me out?” I grinned.“Get up; we need to check the bed, if that is what you call this thing,” she motioned to my sleeping platform. I dutifully got out of bed.“What are you doing?” she snapped when she realized I was naked.“Getting out of bed like you asked me to. I sleep in the nude, or didn't you already know that?” I yawned.“Put some clothes on,” she ordered. I picked up my robe and put it on while they stripped back my sheets and looked for bodily fluids under the dark light. I had been at my Aunt's the past two nights, so yes, my bed was still fresh. Unsatisfied, Dana and her two buddies began roughly going over my place.When they finally discovered nothing (my hiding places were specifically designed), the two officers turned and left.“I'll be keeping an eye on you, Zane. You can expect this to be a regular occurrence,” she promised. I simply stared. We remained looking at one another for a minute because she knew I was up to something.“That's right, step out of line and make my job easier,” she noted. Again I kept my silence. It would have been easy to take this personally but I'd told her this was War and I took that seriously. I doubted I was the sole beneficiary of their attention so I had to get ready to respond to their next move.“Nothing to say?” she asked. I kept staring. “Say something, damn it,” she growled.“Good night, Coach,” I obliged. She shook her head, turned, and walked away. When I saw the door close behind her I went back to my room and took out my phone. I made three calls to the concerned parties and a final call to Iona, to have her wipe my call log. I can't say I slept well that night.Showering in the morning was troublesome enough on normal days but this morning, Rio decided to invite Valerie to join us. I did my best to pretend to ignore her, which wasn't easy. Valerie was around six feet with milky skin where the sun didn't reach and tanned where it did. Her hair was golden-blonde and she was trimmed, not shaved. Her eyes were grey with a hint of blue around the edges; he breasts were a solid C without a hint of sag. There sure were a lot of blondes going to this school.I could see the mental calculations going through her head as she walked in and the other girls eyed her. In the hierarchy of this place, I didn't hold a place; proximity to me showed a girl's status among the crowd. Opal was top dog, but Rio and Iona were marked by their close relationship with me as well.Valerie clearly thought about walking away from it all to spare herself the drama and the grief. She countered that with the knowledge that she had to fit in somewhere in this school, and as non-traditional as she was, her best bet was with us. She answered that internal struggle by taking the shower one down from me, next to Opal.Opal expressed her dominance to Valerie by corralling me into a body massage and a show of mutual affection. I thought Valerie was unimpressed with those actions but as we got into it, I sensed she was intrigued by the notion of having sex without actually having sex, and the sexual arousal that came with it.As I settled in front of the sink to brush my hair, shave, and brush my teeth, Valerie took the sink beside me.“You don't seem to mind all these naked bodies around you,” she noted.“Why should I? I enjoy them and they enjoy me. I like making them happy, and my presence certainly makes their lives more difficult so I'm glad to help,” I explained.“So, do things ever go to the next level?” Valerie asked.“Not here, and not with most of these women; they are virgins and happy about that fact. They want to be virgins on their wedding nights and I respect that,” I answered.“Rio makes you out to be some sort of sex-crazed stud monster,” Val informed me.“Rio's not a virgin and her only plans for marriage involve her being a black widow to her old, rich husbands,” I grinned.“Is she, bi-sexual?” Valerie whispered.“Yes, I can verify that she is,” I replied quietly. “Has she hit on you yet? Wait, silly question, have you thrown her out of your bed yet?”“This morning I found her sucking on my nipple through my nightshirt,” she smirked.“Rio needs constant reminding of where the boundaries are,” I informed Val.“You two talking about me?” Rio came bouncing up. “Is there a three-way in our future? Who gets tied up?” Valerie groaned in response.“Rio, there is such a thing as personal space and acceptable roommate behavior,” I told Rio. “Things like spontaneously feeling her up while she sleeps are BAD!”“God, damn it!” Rio squalled, “But did you see the size of those bad boys? They are huge and puffy and I swear, they were calling out to me across the room.”“In my long and illustrious career with the female nipple, they have never talked to me. If you don't behave, I'm going to have to tie you up at the next orgy and make you watch,” I warned. I couldn't threaten to take away something she had, like her piercings; that would make her dig in her heels. Instead, I went after the things she was looking forward to.“Don't forget to secure her hands over her head so she can't diddle herself,” Valerie got into the sport of things.“Good point,” I agreed.“Major buzz-kill, you two. Valerie, you are trying to make your first day here no fun at all,” Rio teased.“Which reminds me; Valerie, has Rio warned you about Handmaiden's Duty?” I inquired. Rio looked offended that I would say such a thing while Val looked confused.“It is a tradition here that requires all freshmen to perform a task of a non-damaging nature for any and all upperclassmen. They cannot grab you in class or a dorm room, but anywhere else is fair game,” I informed her.“My first task was to be a bench for someone to sit on,” Rio grinned.“Mine was to kiss a girl,” I nodded.“Kiss her? Cordelia damn near passed out, you kissed her so long and deep,” Rio teased me.“The first one was very nice and chaste,” Iona stepped up and added. “It was the second one that curled her toes and started the stampeded on Zane.”“What do I do if a girl asks me to kiss her?” Valerie worried.“Tell her you are waiting for your herpes to clear up,” Rio volunteered.“It isn't likely to happen,” Iona came across with sounder advice. “Homosexuality is frowned on at this campus.”“I'd tell you to kiss them and enjoy the moment, but I'm a guy,” I shrugged.“I'm still not sure what is normal for this place,” Valerie related.“Rio and Zane are aberrations,” Iona offered. “Most of the girls here are fundamentalist Christian virgins who are looking to get married once they graduate this place.”“What is your story?” Val asked Iona.“I was pretty much the girl I just described until I met these two,” she smiled. “Now I feel that I have, options.”“Options like prison time,” Rio laughed, “or becoming a sex toy at an S&M club.”“I was thinking more like taking a summer and roaming the country,” Iona glared Rio.“Maybe I could teach you to ride a motorcycle and you can come with me,” Valerie offered.“That would be wonderful!” Iona brightened up. “When could we start?”“This afternoon, if you like,” Val responded. “My ride is in the parking lot.”“You have a motorcycle, here?” Rio exclaimed.“Rio, it is hard to be in a motorcycle gang without a chopper,” Valerie pointed out.“On that note, I have to go,” I sighed. New girls were starting to migrate in, meaning I had to retreat to my room. “Take care, everyone.”The crapstormThe crapstorm fell on us as we left the dorm. All kinds of upperclassmen snatched up freshmen as they appeared and shadowed Pro-Christina students they couldn't grab. Rio and I were able to shove off of Valerie before she was identified as being with one of us, so she made it to the Dining Hall unmolested.I didn't have to do anything too heinous, carry three backpacks while reciting the Gospel of Luke from memory (ugh). They made Rio sing 'Onward Christian Soldier' because it was the only religious song she'd admit to knowing. She did a horrific hack-job of it too. They had Iona going through the descendants of Noah; she knocked them back flawlessly, Brainiac.It got better at the Dining Hall door where Rhaine oversaw the removal of every electronic device from the incoming students, no phones, tablets or laptops, nothing capable of rapid communication. Then came the assigned seating designed to break us all up. Surprisingly, Valerie looped back around and joined us in the line.She leaned into me.“What the fuck is going on?” she whispered.“There is a war going on between the Pro-Christina faction Rio, Iona and I belong to, and the Pro-Rhaine faction, which is supported by the Administration. I didn't want to get you involved,” I explained as I saw Mrs. Marlowe closing in.“Mr. Braxton, be quiet,” she snapped.“Of course, Ms. Marlowe,” I nodded to her; she glared back. We had assigned seating for breakfast, isolating us. Conversations were kept to a minimum by roving teachers and the mood was getting grim, made worse by a slow drizzle that began to fall outside. Still, things weren't hopeless.As I was putting my food tray away, Paige of the Science Club slipped past me.“Copper Seven,” she whispered.Cordelia, head of the Science Club, was definitely the smartest person on campus. She'd created a list of contingency plans for us to use if things went bad. We should have been getting them on our phones but the Chancellor had stymied us there.Instead, things were circulating by word of mouth. In this case, Copper Seven, things were simple. Copper meant theft and Seven was the code for communications. We were stealing the facility's phones, crashing their computers, and doing whatever mischief we could to make communications difficult, if not impossible.I had the pleasure of passing the word on to Rio, who gave me a look that would have made any brigand with a handful of gold proud. I didn't know the specifics of Rio's criminal history but I knew she definitely had one, and I'd have been stunned if pickpocket and shoplifting weren't part of her repertoire. I'd warned Coach Gorman about making shit like this fascist suppression policy up.I barely recalled what I was forced to perform on the way to Assembly because what happened there was so memorable. We got the standard lecture, then the Chancellor laid into Christina for all the disruptions the student body was going through, Christina and a few other malcontents. What made it memorable was, at the end of Dr. Bass's speech, a freshman I barely knew, Millicent Pierce, stood up and raised her fist in defiance.“That's bullshit!” she cried out.“Sit down and be quiet, child!” the Chancellor commanded. “Coach Gorman,” she then directed our head of security toward the young girl. Millicent wasn't done yet.“You are lying to us!” she screamed out again.As Gorman and a second teacher made their way to our young rebel, Rio stood up with a raised fist.“Shame!” Rio called out. A dozen of us followed suit. Teachers flooded off the stage but Cappadocia figured out that if you joined up with other girls and linked arms, they couldn't drag you out.Girls were screaming at girls, shoving began, and soon blows were being exchanged and Assembly degenerated to a nasty furball. We were threatened with demerits, detention, and finally expulsion, but nothing seemed to curtail the conflict. I saw Ms. Goodswell leave the melee and go to the base of the podium and begin to plead with Bass about something.I could see that Goodswell was trying to get the Chancellor to let Christina come onto the stage and quiet her followers but our Glorious Leader wouldn't budge. Christina could see the gestures and I knew she was about to end things anyway. There was something I had to do before things fell apart.I leapt up and began using the backs and arm rests to jump across the crowd. I made it to Millicent right ahead of Gorman. Millicent seemed stunned to see me hovering over her but it was too noisy to communicate. I pulled her up and retreated back the way I'd come, keeping her out of Gorman's clutches for the moment.“Thanks,” she grinned at me.“Who is your Spiritual Advisor?” I responded. “We need to get you to her so you don't face the Chancellor alone.”“Ms. Trenton,” Millicent responded.Ms. Trenton wasn't one of the 'good guys' but she wasn't on our enemies list either. I located Trenton and angled us toward her.“This is crazy,” Millicent gasped. After all, if we tumbled, we might very well break our necks. Ms. Trenton didn't look happy to see either one of us but she immediately clued into why I was dropping her student off on her. She grabbed Millicent by the arm and led her away. This was a good thing because our rebellion was about spent for the moment.A minute later we had quieted down. Dr. Bass threatened us with a whole new series of punishments before exiling us off to our first classes. I had the joy of gettin

Heaven & Mercy calludeA Spring Break 14-part Novel.By FinalStand. Listen to the complete episode at Steamy Stories.*Anyone can be who they want to be; the challenge is being who you need to be*Can Zane go 24 hours without sex?My journey to the Dining Hall this Wednesday was enlivened by carrying, bridal style, a sophomore named Courtney while playing out a scene from Tristan and Isolde. I had Rhaine, Joy, and Mercy as escorts/minders, but Rhaine was now defining her responsibility as keeping me from misbehaving, not stopping me, and the other students from having fun.Tristan and Isolde was some kind of chick-flick taken from a Wagnerian play so technically it wasn't on the ‘banned' list. With me was the added bonus that it wasn't homo-erotic (being a guy in a romantic relationship with a girl, in the play) and that I could actually carry Isolde in my arms.A larger than normal crowd had gathered for my dutiful performance and while I generally received rave reviews, I did catch a few girls talking about redoing the skit with a Sampson and Delilah theme. I pledged to avoid girls with shears like the plague. We bunched up around one of the entrances to the Dining Hall as I finished our script and carefully placed her back on her feet.Among the scattering of applause and the press of bodies, I felt Mercy stumble into me. Her eyes were wide, her mouth open in surprise, and her breathing was coming in ragged gasps. My answer came when I looked over her shoulder and saw Rio, looking very casual but pumping her arm rapidly against Mercy's back.When we got into the food line, Rio smirked and began sucking her forefinger which was sticky and slick.“Seriously, in the middle of the crowd? You just couldn't resist?” I teased her.“Next I'm sticking in the butt plug,” she whispered in a conspiratorial manner. “I have it in my book bag and I'm jumping her after BA. Do you want to help?”“I'd rather face dismemberment than break Iona's schedule,” I sighed quietly.“Some He-Man you are,” she giggled. “You'll go five rounds with Gorman but Iona has you pussy-whipped.”“If I have to go, I could hardly pick a better woman,” I responded, and wrapped an arm around Iona's waist and rested my hand on her hip.“Yes, Zane?” Iona looked up at me with an exotic combination of innocence and genius.“Rio reminded me how lucky we are to have you with us,” was my answer.“Oh, that's nice,” Iona beamed up at me. “I thought it had something to do with Rio putting her hand under Mercy Chaplain's skirt.” I chuckled and Rio grumbled.“I have glasses,” Iona stated, “I'm not blind.”“Did anyone else notice?” I inquired.“No. I think Rio was pretty smooth, but if experience has taught me anything, it is Rio who is going to be the troublemaker, not you, Zane,” Iona stated calmly. “I was paying attention to her.”“Oh, Cordelia wanted to know if you could come by the Science Club today around two-thirty and help us with a little problem we are having,” Iona inquired.“What's the problem?” I asked.“Why didn't Cordy ask him herself?” Rio questioned.“I don't know the answer to either of those questions,” Iona admitted.“It is illegal, illicit, and off the record,” Rio pronounced.“No, it is not,” Iona battled back.“Trust me, I've done my share of things I didn't want the authorities to know about and this stinks of that kind of stunt,” Rio explained.“I'll be with Zane; nothing will happen. Besides, we are the Science Club, not an international criminal syndicate,” Iona told Rio.“I'll be okay,” I promised Rio. On the other hand, the Science Club wasn't all flowers, bells, and puppy dog tails.They hacked the school's computer systems, had illegal internet hook-ups, and were re-wiring a dorm floor for my personal pleasure, and Rio's criminal instincts were more often right than wrong. We were able to get our seats and enjoy most of breakfast before Iona nudged me.“Don't you ever answer your messages?” Iona inquired.“I have them all automatically forwarded to you,” I countered. “It seemed like the sanest thing to do.”“But you don't even know what's going on in your life,” she worried.“Darling, I have you to keep me from falling off the face of the Earth. I trust you to keep me on an even keel. Besides, someone hacked my phone yesterday so I'm not sure how safe I would be without you,” I enlightened her.“Someone hacked your phone?” Iona gasped. “Any idea who?”“Cordelia; she put herself at the top of my Handmaiden's list. I didn't mind, but the fact that she did it means it could be done,” I told her. Iona shot an angry glare in Cordelia's direction.“Don't worry about it, Iona,” Rio joked. “Have you known anyone to mess with Zane and not pay for it eventually?”“That doesn't mean I like it,” Iona kept glaring. I tapped her shoulder, then led her gaze to me by tugging on her jaw.“Let it go. In the social hierarchy, we are freshmen, despite any accomplishments. Trust me, I know: There are some fights you don't get into until you are ready. Cordelia likes you because you are useful but don't try her patience too far or she'll break you.”“I don't like it. This is high school all over again,” Iona grumbled.“The major difference,” Rio pointed out, “you have a sick psycho like me and a stud like Zane who have your back. We've left you alone once and that was only in hopes you would get out from under the hammer that was falling on us.”“Oh, we were told about your conversation with the Chancellor. I liked what you said,” I told her thoughtfully, “but I believe Rio and I could have done it better.”“Who would you have quoted?” wondered Iona. I exchanged a fanatical look with Rio.“THIS is SPARTA!” we shouted in unison, “and then we would have kicked her desk out the window,” I added.Iona sighed, looked down at her tray, and grinned while half the dining hall gazed our way.“You two are nuts,” she chuckled.“Ninja Urban Terrorists,” Rio and I declared together, “that's us.” The rest of breakfast passed without incident or too much Humor.It is not the Distance; It is the Weight on your BackGetting out looked to be a bit less friendly as Rhaine, Joy and Mercy added two other girls to their entourage.“Zane, Rio, Iona, we have a duty for you,” Rhaine announced. “You will carry our books, on your knees, and on the sidewalk.”“Well, Kemosabe, do we ignore them or kick their asses?” Rio looked to me. “Man, here I am without my hate-mallet too.”“I'm going for benign indifference,” I informed Rio. “Rhaine, we already have an assigned Handmaiden duty and we are not required to partake of any task that would result in our physical harm.”“We let Christina get away with it because we were isolated and new, but that's not the case anymore,” I explained. “You break the rules and we'll defend ourselves.”“Then we are taking you to the Chancellor's office,” Rhaine declared loudly. At this time my two buddies were despairing over the lack of appearance by our allies but I tend to have more faith in the fairness of Human nature.“Civil disobedience,” I advised Iona. To Rio, I explained, “Make yourself dead weight.” Rhaine's Traditionalists came forward and we three fell to the ground.“Get up,” Joy demanded of Rio.“Nope, not going to happen,” she gleefully shot back. Joy gave Rio a strong nudge with the foot.“What are you doing?” a cold calm voice pierced the setting. It was Coach Dana Gorman.“I, what, we are doing what Rhaine told us to do,” Joy stammered.“Kicking a student is grounds for dismissal,” Dana informed Joy. “Physical violence is only acceptable in self-defense, and only when withdrawal is not an option.”“Coach Gorman, we were told, ” Rhaine began.“Ms. Ritchie, the Board of Directors can alter the Handbook whenever they wish, and if they ever say that bludgeoning another student merely because they disagree with you is permissible, I'll be sure to let you know.”“Yes, Mam,” Rhaine gulped.“You three, stop loafing about and get to class” Gorman addressed us. “We can all hope you flunk out your first semester, but until you do, I am required to make sure you are in your classes at the appointed time. Now go!” she grumbled to Rio, Iona and I.“Yes, Mam,” Iona and I said as we stood up once more. Rio merely growled. We quickly parted Rhaine and company, then headed to class. Soon enough, Christina and her crowd appeared around us.“What tree were you bitches hiding behind?” Rio griped. That did not get her a pleasant response.“Rio, they were always with us,” I said, putting a hand on Rio's shoulder. “They also sent people to get Coach Gorman and others to get Ms. Goodswell in case things went bad. Cappadocia and Wilhelmina were rounding up the troops in case Rhaine tried to force us. By keeping the field clear of obvious forces, we resolved this fight in a way that didn't make us look bad.”“You got all that while talking to Rhaine and watching every sane FFU girl running away from us?” Rio gawked.“If an ally betrays you, they will stand by and watch. If you don't see them, assume they are fighting elsewhere on your behalf, or so the saying goes,” I related.“That sounds like dark matter, you know it is there because you can't see it,” Iona nodded, “but you see its effects.”“Essentially,” Christina remarked.“I'd like to know one thing,” Faith inquired: “Have you slept with Coach Gorman too? She seems to have joined our side very suddenly.”“She's not on our side and she's not our friend, but I did outline how this fight would work. If they break the rules, we break the rules, and chaos ensues. If the Coach keeps things fair, Rio and I will go down by our own faults or succeed on our merits, Christina will still beat Rhaine, and this year might not suck so much for the average student, freshmen included,” I said.“How do you jibe following the rules with having a different girl in your bed every night?” Hope taunted me with a hint of seduction. Heaven looked equal parts embarrassed and sensually hungry.“I don't believe he has a woman in his bed every night,” Christina corrected.“Expecting Zane to sleep alone is like putting a lion among your sheep and expecting to eat lamb next season; theoretically possible, but it goes against his nature,” Hope laughed.“I have not had a woman in my bed every night,” I sniffed indignantly.“Yeah,” Rio rallied to my defense, “there was that night you barred Barbie Lynn and, actually, I think that was the only night, though he didn't sex me up that first night on campus.”“I think it is safe to say that the female student body has made good use of Zane's time here amongst us,” Chastity noted, as she lightly slapped my shoulder.“Well, in case anyone cares, I'm going to a church function tonight and stopping by the Kappa Sigma house on the way back. Hopefully, I'll be able to finish up some Biology reading and go to bed early,” I declared.“And if you find a girl in your bed when you get in?” Hope teased.“He'll assume it is a day ending in ‘y',” Iona snickered.“Et tu, Iona?” Christina stated loftily.“In that case, please spread the word,” I muttered darkly. “I'm coming home and stealing Iona away to my lair for some much needed discipline and loyalty reinforcement.” Iona remained still while the other girls looked around.“Seriously?” Faith wondered.“I play around a lot but never with Iona,” I explained. “If she doesn't lock her door, she's mine.”“Iona, I'll help you barricade the door,” Heaven offered. Iona didn't say anything but the look she shot Heaven clearly stated ‘don't you dare!'The Research Partnership“Zane?” Virginia Goodswell requested my attention as I approached my English class.“Hey, Teach, I'm ready to have my head stuffed with learning,” I grinned.“That's good, because we are choosing Authors and Works today, along with project partners,” Virginia instructed.“So, Ms. Goodswell, who is my boy Zane partnered up with? Or is there going to be a Thunder Dome match to figure that out?” Rio beamed with failed innocence.“Ms. Talon,” my teacher sighed, “it is a volunteer process, and I'm not sure any girl in my class wants to work with Mr. Braxton.”“Zane, when the feeding frenzy begins, jump for the ceiling lights,” Chastity joked with me. At least I hoped she was joking. The ladies wished me luck and we parted ways. After taking our assigned seats, Virginia went over our latest lessons and then introduced us to our semester project. The first thing to decide was the partnerships.“Before we partner up,” Virginia asked the class, “would any of you consider teaming up with Zane Braxton to get this done? Hands please.” Multiple hands flew up. Virginia looked over the class, nodded, and said, “Thank you.” She looked it over, “Raven, Barbara, and Céline, each of you give me the reason why you don't want to work with Zane.”Ms. Goodswell had chosen the three girls who hadn't raised their hands. Barbara and Celine didn't want to work with me because they were afraid I would rape them the moment we were alone, “sigh”. Raven's answer was that she was afraid that my lack of a structured education would make the paper more difficult.Raven Thorpe was awarded the 'honor' of working with me, a designation she groaned over, and other girls glared at her with jealousy. After class she attempted to shoulder past me but I tapped her arm.“Can we talk for a second?” I inquired.“Don't you have to scurry off and take care of your schedule?” she replied blandly.“Can you stop being a bitch for fifteen seconds so we can figure out which author we can work on?” I snapped angrily. She pulled up short as if she expects to be pimp-slapped next.“Okay, who do you have in mind?” she requested. “And if you say William Shakespeare, I am going to smack you with my book bag.”“I was thinking the political works of Edmund Burke,” I suggested. Raven blinked.“Seriously, I didn't think you even knew who Edmund Burke was, much less that he was the father of modern conservatism,” Raven congratulated me. It was almost like she wanted to pat me on the head and give me a doggy bone.“I was thinking of concentrating more on his works during the American Revolution, but if that's what you are more comfortable with, we could cover his later period works instead,” I offered.“Good point, Zane. Let's talk it over during lunch,” Raven suggested.“Zane,” summoned a female voice from outside the classroom.“Go on,” Raven smirked, “enjoy your disproportionate level of abuse.”“You act like I have any choice in the matter,” I shrugged.It was of little consolation that Raven made it ten more feet from the door when she got snatched up too. This time out, my mistress got to point to a feature on her body and I had to give it a flattering description, I know, my life is utter hell.I had no idea where the Science Club met; I even began to get the sinking feeling they carefully controlled any information about themselves, sort of like a secret society, or the CIA.Paige & the Science Club“Hello, I'm Paige,” spoke this girl, who apparently materialized out of the ether. I'm not paranoid; I've spent the past two years in a region where you have to be alert because Tigers are common and I say this girl freaking ghosted me, Man.“I'm with the Science Club. You will come with me right now,” she smiled like said predator cat trying to disguise herself as a white rabbit.“You are albino,” I noted. She had long white hair, alabaster skin, and a red shadow to her eyes. She was also the only girl to date I'd seen with the dark blue jacket that was part of our winter uniform. She also had a jaunty blue hat and white stockings instead of socks.“You have eyes,” she rolled hers, “now come along.” I started to follow her.“So what is this meeting about?” I asked.“It isn't a meeting; we require you for something,” she replied.“What is it?” I became more cautious.“It is a surprise,” she mocked me. “Stop wasting my time and come along.”“Cool, I'm out of here.” I grinned, turned, and left. Paige staggered and seemed unable to grasp my departure.“Where are you going?” she snapped tartly.“To Archery Club,” I replied, while still walking away.“But, but you said you would come,” she stuttered.“Am I a person? Are you?”“Yes and yes,” she replied with irritation.“Are you an idiot or a child? Because those are the only reasons to forgive your spoiled behavior,” I turned and said. Paige glared. “So you assume you are smarter than me and can be rude to someone who is doing you a favor.”“We are the ones doing you a favor,” Paige snapped back. “Now we want you to repay us.”“Did you discuss payment when you did me the favor of rewiring my room? No? Good, because if you had, I would clearly be suffering a form of amnesia,” I gave back. “If you want something, you can ask as a friend or you can offer me something that makes it worth my while. Now go back to Cordelia and tell her you have returned alone because you were so much smarter than me. If you could only 'speak friend', ” I continued walking away.“Wait,” Paige called out nervously. “I, I, ” and I could almost hear the wheels turning. “Speak friend and enter.” I stopped in midstride.“So you read through my school records and know my top ten influences,” I turned and responded. We stared at each other for almost a minute until she finally gave up and put on her sunglasses. I retraced my steps back to her.“Favorite member of the Fellowship?” I tested her.“Legolas,” she responded. I scoffed and she had the Human decency to look embarrassed.“Ha,” I scoffed again. “Horny girls go for the elf; the marrying kind goes for Aragorn.”“Who is yours, then, wise guy?” she volleyed.“Boromir,” I declared my allegiance.“Ah, of course; the veteran warrior in a doomed struggle; he forsakes his honor only to redeem it in a hopeless fight, perishing in the arms of his brothers,” Paige retorted. “I thought you would have gone for Aragorn, the Uncrowned King.”“Hum,” I winced, “my second choice was actually Frodo but that would have sounded gay.”“You can't be gay; you are not clever enough to conceal that,” she stated.“See, now you are sounding like Saruman the White,” I teased.“Let me guess: because I'm an albino,” she grumbled.“You are an albino? I was talking about your facial hair and that arrogant, know-it-all vibe you've got going on,” I joked. Paige stared at me, suddenly speechless, finally taping her chin.“At least you didn't call me Gollum,” she admitted.“Nah; too much hair and not enough skin slime,” I explained as I ran the back of one finger over her cheek. She flinched slightly.“Are you going to, please, come with me now?” she asked much more politely.“Are you going to have sex with me?” I grinned.“WHAT!?!?” she squawked.“Just joshing you,” I smiled. “You are far too pretty to be interested in me. Let's go.”I'd clearly unsettled her because she didn't say another word to me until we were going downstairs in the Clegger Science Building.“Do you really think I'm pretty?” she asked as we finished the last set of stairs.“I must confess I find most women attractive, but you are far prettier than most,” I replied.“Do you still want to have sex with me?” she said in a casual voice. I took her hand and placed it on my heart. “Hah,” she snorted, “I get it; your heart is beating so yes, you want to have sex with me.”“I was going to say that a steady heartbeat indicated I was telling the truth, but someone keeps insisting they are smarter than me,” I teased her. Am I really asking for another sex partner? What's wrong with me?Her reaction wasn't what I expected it to be and then I realized that she still had something over on me, the reason for me being here. Bitch. She opened a door into a dark room and ushered me in. There appeared to be about ten ladies in the room, playing with a variety of electronics.“Delivered as promised,” Paige called out.“What did he hit you with?” a short caramel-skinned girl inquired.“Fellowship of the Ring,” Paige grinned. Mother-fuckers!“Did he offer to have sex with you?” Cordelia asked playfully.“Yes. And not only gave me a 'pretty' but also a 'far prettier'.” Paige gave me a smug look.“Ha, ha, ha,” I muttered. Idiot me forgot that psychology is also a science, and the reason we don't have a chess club at FFU was also evident; the Science Club devoured them.“Come on, Zane,” Cordelia batted her full lashes at me. “We need a little favor and it won't take fifteen minutes.”“Couldn't you simply coerce me into doing this?” I stated. “I'm sure this whole rigmarole of making me think I'm doing you a favor has to be making things more difficult.”“We are all friends here,” Cordelia smiled.“No, if we were all friends here, Iona would be at my side,” I scolded her. “I admit you did a great scam getting me in this room, but you aren't nearly as good at lying to my face as you think you are.”“Iona, ” Paige started to say.“Don't!” Cordelia snapped, then took a deep breath. “If you threaten Iona he will hit you, no,” she corrected, “He'll hit me,” Cordelia reasoned out.“There are eleven of us,” another girl, Pandora Jaspers, stated, somewhat angry and confident.“I've seen him fight, Pandora. I saw him drop Mercy Chaplain. I've seen him fight Cappadocia Davis and Coach Gorman too,” Cordelia said coolly as we stared at one another. “Unless we curl up in a ball on the ground, he'll beat us down. We'll hurt him, but Zane can take more pain than we can because he cares about her.”“On that note, I'm gone again. Good going Paige; I'm sure you can think of something to make your sisters understand,” I shrugged and moved for the door.“Zane, I need you to strip down and let us attach a series of video and biometric sensors so we can create a 'Virtual Zane' for a little project we are working on,” Cordelia blurted out.I had to think hard about this; not because I didn't want to do it but because I had to figure if this was an honest play or another convoluted turn of the screws. I turned and looked at Cordelia.“There was no way in hell you ever thought I was a professor and you miraculously materialized outside my first class with the knowledge I was actually a freshman, damn, Cordelia, can't you just ask for stuff?” I berated her.“If you ask, you depend on another to get what you want; if you deceive, you win or lose on your own abilities,” she shrugged. “Besides, I did ask you to kiss me; remember?”“Good enough; where do you want me to stand?” I responded.“Wait,” Paige gawked. “Now he is doing it.”“Alright ladies,” one girl grinned. “Everyone pay up. I told you we should simply ask him.”With that, I stepped over to a table and began stripping. Slowly the girls around me stopped what they were doing and openly ogled me. I guess the real me was better than the video.“Aren't you curious about what we are going to do?” Pandora inquired.“You are probably going to tell me that I'm posing naked because it is easier to dress an 'uncluttered' form, or something to that effect, but really, I like Cordelia and Iona is one of my two best friends,” I mulled it over. “Besides, in case you missed it, I've seen all your faces.”Once they took that bit of news in, things went along smoothly, though they had some debate amongst themselves on whether my cock needed its own 'reference point', a sensor attached.The amusing thing was, when the girl running the computer imaging asked me to keep my penis still, I had to reply that certain reactions weren't under my control, which caused a rather awkward moment. When I was finally finished there was another quiet interlude as I got dressed.“So,” Cordelia wondered, rocking back and forth on her feet, “if we need more, data, could we get you to come back?”“Sure,” I smiled back, “you know where I live, and you certainly know what my digits are. Cordelia, I want you to consider that if something happens in my room that ends up on the web that betrays the trust people have put in me, I'm not going to come after all of you looking for excuses. Are we clear?”“Is that a threat, Zane?” Cordelia beamed playfully.“Cordelia, I'm always one step away from being tossed out of here on my ass, so those who chose to trust me and take up my cause are doing it because they are decent folk. I'm not like most people; I can't afford to toss friends away like most of the rest of the people in this room seem to be comfortable with.”“Or what,” Paige smirked, “you'll beat us up?”“No, Paige. I value trust, so if you take that away from me, I'll find out what you value and take that away from you,” I stared at her intently.“I know what you are going to say, Paige,” Cordelia jumped in, “and Zane being expelled will only mean that he has no other distractions from dealing with us and he'll still have people inside the school all too willing to help him.”“Zane, how about if something is done, we give you an off switch for various sections?” Cordelia offered.“Sounds great; let me know how the project works out, but now I have to go to Archery,” I replied, before slipping out the door.“How did he know we were going to wire his room?” I overheard Paige whisper to Cordelia.“You don't seriously think he came here solely because we tricked him, do you?” Cordelia answered. “He knew we would try something and he wanted us to know that he knew.” Yes, I had bumbled into the message I'd wanted to get across despite myself.Does Anyone Want Me Here?I had escaped school with a double date for Thursday Night (Chastity and Hope), then stopped by the house to plead with Aunt Jill to let Rio stay for the weekend. I gave a rational case, a compassionate reason, and then fell down on my knees and told her I really, really, really wanted her to stay. Something in that last argument made Jill relent and I phoned the good news to Rio.All that groveling resulted in me making the Festivities Committee Meeting by only two minutes. I swept into the room abruptly and as the story of my life goes, everyone stopped talking and looked at me. A quick scan of the room told me that two of the eight women knew to expect me, or at least some guy, while the others clearly assumed I'd lost my way.“Can we help you, young man?” an older woman with hair mostly turned to gray.“Welcome, Glenn,” Mrs. Wellington said. “Ladies, Pastor William has asked us to introduce Mr. Braxton to the good works of our Church.” There was a pause.“Thank you, Mrs. Wellington, but no one alive calls me Glenn anymore, and I'm not old or accomplished enough to be Mr. Braxton, like my Father or Uncle Tim. My teachers call me Zane.”“Oh, you are at the University?” a third woman asked politely. She was asking if I went to the University of Virginia.“No, I don't go to U V; I go to FFU, it is a long story,” I replied with trepidation.“I have a daughter at Freedom Fellowship,” one of the women responded with concern.“What is her name?” I tried to be polite, what were the odds?“Pandora Jaspers,” Mrs. Jaspers answered.“Seriously? I've done Handmaiden duty for her, and today I saw her at the Science Club,” I sighed with relief.“What did she have you do?” yet another woman inquired intently.“I helped her create an umbrella walkway when it was raining so that all the students could get to class without getting soaked,” I informed them.“Have you been to 'camp'?” a sixth woman hinted at something.“Camp, no, I can't say I've ever been to a camp,” I evaded, because I had no idea what they meant.“That's enough, ladies,” Mrs. Wellington said. “We have business to take care of. We can worry about Mr. Braxton's confusion at a later time.” Oh, they think I'm gay. Camp = Gay camp where fundamentalists are sure I could be cured of being homosexual. I try not to laugh.“Mr. Braxton, I want you to sit at the chair there,” Mrs. Wellington pointed to a chair away from the table, against the wall. “I want you to take personal notes for the members, things that don't go into the official record. Doreen Saxon,” she indicated the gray haired woman “is our secretary. She takes the official notes of the meeting, so pay attention.”The Meeting for the first of September was called to order, the record of attendance including the difficulty of my name, they kept trying to call me Glenn Braxton while I politely asked for Zane. They went with Glenn. The rest of the group worked out like this:Rochelle Wellington was Chairwoman, Kendra Bainbridge was our Treasurer, and Doreen Saxon was the grey-haired Secretary. The rest of the group consisted of Claire Baker, Theresa Geiger, Columbia Jaspers, Heidi Moulin, and Sahara Penny, the Pastor's wife.As the meeting progressed there was little I could do but watch the group dynamics at work. For starters, Bainbridge was at Wellington's throat; they clearly didn't like one another. The other was an oddity; no one interacted with Sahara Penny. I wasn't sure if it was her non-white heritage (Middle Eastern of some sort), her meek nature, or some past sin, but I decided to take advantage of it.I got up quietly and began walking around the table.“Glenn,” Mrs. Saxon asked, but I ignored her because, damn it, how many times do I have to tell them my name is Zane? I walked over and knelt by Sahara.“Zane,” Mrs. Wellington addressed me, “are you looking for the bathroom?” Bingo!“No, Mrs. Wellington. I was hoping to get some background information on the current discussions as well as contact information for the group. Since the rest of you are treating Mrs. Penny like she has the plague, I figured she would be the perfect candidate to tell me what is really going on here,” I grinned at her. “It is always the quiet ones who know the most.”And everyone stopped talking. Sahara not only looked shocked and frightened to see me, she looked like she wanted to sink under the table when I told the rest of them my reason for being here.“I assure you, Mr. Braxton, we are fully including Sahara in the process,” Mrs. Bainbridge snorted indignantly.“I will gladly accept your reprimand if you can please tell me the last five words you said to her since I arrived,” I requested, with as much innocence as I could beg, borrow, or steal.“I asked her about the children's clothing for the Nativity this year,” Kendra said after a long pause.“That was Claire, not Sahara,” I corrected her. “It is in my notes, but I'm sure Doreen can corroborate my recall of events.”“Well,” she said testily, “I'm sure I said something to her.” Silence.“I apologize for disrupting the meeting. I'll crouch here quietly and conference with Sahara while the rest of you complete the business of the day,” I told them, then turned back to Sahara. “Now, what the heck is up with the live turkey at the Thanksgiving celebration?”In the end, I gathered my information, the meeting concluded its business, and the room emptied until it was me, Sahara, Kendra, and Rochelle.“A Christian gentleman would apologize,” Kendra informed me.“Well, I guess that makes us both poor Christians, because a good Christian woman wouldn't have lied to me,” I calmly replied. Kendra gaped like a fish out of water.“Rochelle!” Kendra snapped to the Committee head.“Zane, you apologize to Kendra right now,” she commanded me, without much passion.“Kendra Bainbridge, I apologize for my rude and uncalled for behavior,” I said with a bow. Neither woman had expected me to fold up like that, so all Kendra could do was huff and storm out of the room.“Thank you,” Sahara whispered, as she touched my hand.“I don't always know the right side to fight on but it is usually by the side of the person being bullied,” I grinned. “It is the Christian thing to do,” I added with a wink.That left me with Rochelle Wellington: MILF, Lance the asshole's Mom, and wife of the Mayor.She looked like she wanted to stand up but couldn't. Me, I had a Sorority meeting to get to, I missed dinner so I had to grab something first, and why in the hell was I even thinking what I was thinking? I sat down beside her.“What's wrong?” I began. She looked at me, tired and somehow forlorn.“You wouldn't understand, Mr. Braxton, Zane,” she sighed.“Try me; the worst that could happen is, I give the expression that every teenager gives an adult when something important is being said but we are too caught up in our own lives to understand.”“Oh, good point, young man,” she sighed, “but I'm afraid I don't have anything even remotely interesting to talk about.” I waited patiently. “I'm feeling sorry for myself. My baby is leaving the nest and it has been so long since I've been alone in the house, I don't know what to do with myself.”“Lance is an only child?” I wondered.“Oh, no, he is the youngest of five,” she responded with sadness. My jaw dropped and she stared at me.“What, did you start having kids when you were ten?” I gawked.“What?” she sounded confused.“I have a hard time believing you are forty, much less the mother of five grown children,” I stammered. At first Rochelle was embarrassed and a bit uncomfortable, but slowly the compliment seeped its way into her psyche.“I, I have a home gym,” she suggested as an answer.“Well, whatever you've been doing has worked. Your husband is one lucky guy, and I hope he appreciates you and all you do to look, act, and feel so young,” I wowed her.“I'm not feeling all that young right now,” she slipped back into her depression.“Where does it hurt?” I changed my focus.“I don't know what you mean?” she asked.“People keep their stress in different places; the back of the neck, the mid-back, shoulders, or temples,” I informed her.“I'm not comfortable talking with you about that,” Mrs. Wellington replied warily.“Sure,” I said popping out of my seat. “I apologize if I crossed any lines,” and I made for the door.“Wait, Zane, I apologize. I'm tired and a bit cranky. I know you didn't mean anything and besides, I'm sure you already have a girlfriend,” Rochelle admitted.“Please don't spread this around, but I have several girlfriends at the moment. They know about each other, I'm not going to lie about my sex life, but they are usually interested in different things,” I told her.“You have, multiple girlfriends, different things? Like what kind of different things?” Rochelle spilled out her confused thoughts.“Some women like sexual contact,” I related, “while others like romantic time together, and still others want companionship.” There was another long pause.“But you are at Freedom Fellowship University, ” she trembled.“I've never taken a student's virginity, if that's what you are asking,” I answered.“Oh, I understand. I've taught all my children that they should be virgins on their wedding day,” Rochelle said with some pride.“I have to disagree with that,” I shocked her, “but that is one of the reasons that women are better than girls.”“And how would you know this?” She now turned in her chair to face me, trying to sound affronted but coming across as deeply curious.“Um, I've had sex with girls in their teens and women in their forties, and women know more, pace themselves better, and generally have better bodies,” I explained. “Teen girls need a few more years to fill out.”Rochelle was utterly speechless, and part of that had to do with the fact that I was being frank and honest, yet not openly coming on to her.“You must not think much of me, then,” she mused, “teaching my children my views on virginity.”“Where did you get that from? If anything, you are proving yourself to be an intelligent, warm, caring, and compassionate woman and mother, who happens to look like she's less than forty years old,” I added. “You did what you thought was right. I can't argue with that.”“Well, good,” she replied.“Now for my part, I was taught that a real man gives his lover multiple orgasms and he should never reach fulfillment before his partner does. Any man who does so is being selfish,” I stated.“How did you come by this, thinking?” she inquired with a small voice.“Um, I've had sex around five hundred times with thirty different partners,” I told her, “so I've not only learned from very good teachers, I've field tested their ideas.”“How can you possibly consider yourself a good Christian, Zane?” she accused me.“Compassion, respect for all living things, and forgiveness, that's what I believe in and what Christianity stands for in my eyes,” I explained.“The Bible is clear on sex and the sanctity of the marriage bed,” Rochelle insisted.“Mrs. Wellington, everything after the death of Jesus is conjecture. We both accept that Jesus was the Son of God, but after he dies, who is to say who was being touched by the Divine, who was building on JC's teachings, and who was simply making stuff up,” I held up my hand to stop Rochelle's protest.“The Catholics have a thousand Saints, most of whom we don't hold to be divinely inspired. You chose to believe that virginity is a girl's sacred duty, but I don't recall Christ saying anything on the subject. You can certainly quote later Gospels or the Old Testament, but that makes it your choice, not the Word of God,” I finished up. Another long pause followed.“I keep my stress in the top of my shoulders,” she suddenly said. I stood up and moved behind her, deciding to not question her changing opinion of me.“It helps if you take off your jacket,” I suggested, then helped her shimmy out of it. She tensed up as my hands weighed down lightly on her shoulders so I kept my touch gentle.Two minutes into the massage, I began squeezing harder and harder, moving my palms back and forth over her bra straps from upper arm to neck.“Rochelle,” I whispered into her ear, “I am going to rotate your shoulders.” I rolled over each shoulder one at a time but when I finished, I pushed her slowly forward until she was resting her elbows on the table and held her head on her upturned hands.When I went back to the massage, I worked her over harder and extended my reach from her mid-back to neck. This was clearly a case of begging forgiveness instead of asking permission. I took my time, relaxing her to a completely detached state. When I brought her back to reality, I was kneeling beside her and tapping her on the arm.“Rochelle? Are you okay,” I asked in a gentle, caring voice. Dreamily, she turned her head from its resting place on her arms to look at my eyes straight-on and mere inches away.“What, huh?” she muttered.“How do the shoulders feel? Has your stress gone away?” I inquired.“Yes, yes,” she popped up, alert once more. “It feels really good, in fact. I haven't felt this way in years,” she added with a smile.“I think it is time for us to go,” I suggested. “Can I help you with your jacket?”“Of course,” she nodded. “Thank you for helping an old lady out.” I held it while she put in one arm after the other but when I settled it on her shoulders, I stepped in and held her there for a moment while I pressed myself against her so she could feel how I felt about 'old ladies'.Rochelle froze when she felt my cock, rigid in my slacks, pressed against her ass. I was unsure if I'd gone too far when she pushed ever so slightly against me.“I've got to be going. I will see you on Sunday but I'm home all weekend with one of my girlfriends in case you need me,” I informed her.I slipped out before she could respond because not only did I have a Sorority function to attend, I also needed to figure out where I could score some Viagra because I clearly had no common sense where sex was concerned. Besides, Sahara was obviously in need of attention because Pastor Bill wasn't giving it to her, and Bainbridge was lashing out due to years of sexual frustration, I repeat: I have no common sense.Every One Like a Fingerprint to MeWhen I was racing to get to the Kappa Sigma House, I hardly expected to be met by one of their pledges and absolutely no one else. After I sat down in the den and the pledge, Tina, got me a soda from the kitchen, we found ourselves staring at one another.“So, I'm here on the correct night; right?” I asked.“Yes, you are, Zane,” she bubbled with anticipation.“Where is everybody?” I prodded her.“They are taking care of Sorority business but they will come get us when they are ready,” she grinned. I knew I was missing something but I didn't know what it was.“Is it hot in here?” I wondered.“Yes,” Tina said after a bit of concentration.“Tina, can I have some Advil? I'm getting a headache,” I yawned.“Okay,” Tina responded, still happy, and still sitting down.“Ah, fuck, you drugged me, didn't you?” I groaned. I doubted I could still stand and then proved my doubts as I slid off the chair. “Damn,” I slurred. Tina walked over to me, took my drink away, and gently maneuvered my body to the floor.“If it is any consolation, I was selected as the pledge most likely to seduce you,” she stated with real sympathy. I might have smiled at her, I wasn't sure, but I definitely passed out.Cough! Someone plunged cleaning detergent underneath my nose and fired me back to consciousness. Holy Mother of God, I'm cold, my wrists and ankles hurt, I'm outdoors in the woods illuminated by torches and surrounded in a semi-circle of bare-footed figures in ankle long brown robes and black hoods.I was cold because I was naked and my limbs hurt because I was suspended on a cross, not a 'T' cross but an 'X' cross. I certainly know some kinky, fucked-up people.“Zane,” a modulated voice addressed me, “you are on trial before Kappa Sigma for your treatment of one of our sisters. You have abused the trust of one sister by seeking romantic relations with another. What do you have to say for yourself?”“If the question is that I had relations with Leigh, then had a similar encounter with Paris, then I confess. In my defense, I never sought to deceive either one and will make amends if permitted,” I promised.“Sisters, we have heard his defense. Will any of you vote in his behalf?” she intoned. No one stepped forward.“Zane, we will give you one chance to save yourself. If you fail, you will be shaved bald and painted in a permanent purple dye.” I assume that means seven days on Human skin. “If you can pick out the woman you have wronged, beg her forgiveness, and are forgiven, you will go free.” I was getting pretty nervous since they were all totally covered except for their toes when the 'leader' nodded and the girls all opened their robes to reveal string bikinis in a variety of colors.Their faces were still covered, though that wasn't really a problem for me anymore.“Choose Leigh and Paris, beg their forgiveness, and you may be pardoned,” the 'leader' commanded.“That's not fair,” I answered right back, “because they are not before me now.”“Think carefully,” the girl with the modulated voice cautioned me.“No, seriously; I'm looking at Josephine, Maria, Cynthia, Sarah, Ferrara, Petra, Yvette, Tawny, Jersey, and Monique,” I named them left to right.“What?” Sarah gasped to her assembled sisters. “Do we have name tags on?”Behind me, I heard snickers turn into giggles, Leigh and Paris. Tawny stepped forward.“How did you know?” she inquired, clearly not the girl with the modulated voice.“Ah, Josephine has a birthmark on her ankle, Maria has the darkest skin tone, and Cynthia's breasts don't angle down the middle or to the side but somewhere in the middle.”“Sarah has slender thighs and her calves curve just so below the knee; Ferrara always paints her nails in these crazy patterns; Petra scrapped her knee backpacking two weekends ago; Yvette, has that tattoo over her right nipple; Tawny, you have a slender neck, a, 38C chest, and a strong swell from your waist to your hips; Jersey is the tallest and has that scar she got in a boating accident in high school; and finally, Monique has the perkiest nipples and the most slender calves,” I recited.Man, even the crickets went quiet after that.“Zane, did anyone help you with this test?” Tawny finally asked.“Nope.”“How could they?” Leigh came to my defense. “You didn't make the line-up until thirty minutes ago.”“Jersey, go check his phone log,” Tawny directed her sister.“I'm getting really cold,” I whispered to Leigh. She looked from my eyes to my waist with sympathy. Jersey walked out of the light but quickly returned with my phone.“His last call was at 2:10 p.m. but he did have a data download at 6:45, it seems to be a bunch of women's names and phone numbers,” Jersey relayed the information to them.“It is my church group, I swear. Honestly, they are all married women in the Festivities Committee that bastard of a pastor assigned me to,” I pleaded.“No phone calls?” Tawny persisted.“No phone calls,” Jersey confirmed.“Okay, Zane, how did you know who we were with our faces concealed?” Tawny wondered.“Is that a serious question?” The deafening pause was its own answer. “You are women; I pay attention to women and to me, each female form is as exacting as a fingerprint. Until now I thought all of this was a joke,” I related. “I mean, if you wanted to scare me, you would have given me something difficult to figure out.”“And you picked all this up at one party?” Tawny sounded bewildered.“Have I mentioned how much I like women?” I reminded her.“But you brought twenty women with you; you always had a woman by your side. How?” Tawny still struggled to understand.“I repeat: have I mentioned how much I like women? I see nothing wrong with being with one woman and looking at others, but I believe it is wrong to be with one woman and thinking about someone else,” I explained. “You should always appreciate the one you are with.”“Um, does any sister believe Zane has earned a reprieve?”For two seconds no one reacted, then Jersey stepped forward.“He knew about my scar,” was her excuse. Five more stepped forward right after that and all had done so by the tenth second.“Very well Zane, you are forgiven,” Tawny announced. Yay, me! “But I have one other issue to address. Zane, I can't have you cutting a swath through my girls so I'm going to demand that you stick to one and only one Kappa Sigma per semester.” I stared at her until she finally had to question me. “What?”“I wish you would stop treating me like a child,” I chuckled.“What makes you think I'm not being serious?” Tawny growled.“We've kissed. You can tell a lot about a person in the way they kiss, and you are very caring and thoughtful,” I told her. “Why would I be out here in the woods naked if I didn't trust you?”“You kissed him!” yelped Leigh. Tawny smirked as she looked at her.“You left me alone with a naked Zane in your room; he looked cold and lonely,” she told Leigh. I was cold and lonely because Tawny tossed Leigh out of her own room and then wouldn't let me get dressed, but only Tawny, Christina, and I knew that.“Besides, Zane, you are naked in these woods because we tricked you into our house and spiked your drink,” Tawny pointed out.“Ah, but would I have been dumb enough to take that drink if I hadn't first trusted you enough to show up, wait, that didn't come out right,” I mumbled.“Are you agreeing to my terms?” Tawny teased.“Nope. I prefer to hold to the illusion I'm living in the Free World,” I declared. “You can certainly tell your sisters what to do because they volunteered for this but I only hang out here because all of you have been so nice to me. If I've been a poor guest, I'll just leave, because I'm not going to pretend I like one sister less than another.”“Zane, you are deep in the woods, tied to a cross, and the only people who know you are here are all bound by Sacred Oaths of Sisterhood, Blood, and Secrecy,” Tawny stated sweetly, as she came up and stroked my cheek. “You aren't in the best place to be dumping us.”“Good point,” I agreed defiantly. “Maybe I should wait to get on my high horse when I can actually get on a high horse, but I'm still not going to take it back.”“We could always keep him in our secret basement,” Monique suggested. When everyone looked at her she added, “Hey, he liked my nipples. Finding a guy who is good with nipples isn't as easy as you would think.” Huh, what? I had a definite feeling I was losing control of events.“You have a secret basement?” I gulped. “I didn't know you had a secret basement.”“Well, duh,” Paris snickered. “It wouldn't be much of a secret if you knew about it.”“We are not keeping Zane chained up for our amusement,” Tawny warned the girls. “We specifically changed the Charter back in '02 so that we can no longer keep men on the premises for more than forty-eight hours.” Yay?“We also can't leave him here,” Tawny continued. “I'm sure Christina will have search parties out looking for you before sunrise.”“I'll stay out here and stand guard over him,” Leigh volunteered.“No,” Tawny scolded Leigh. “We can't let him get fucked to death either.” Leigh looked truly heartbroken.“I think we have to let Zane get off this time,” Tawny sighed.“I was trying to get him off,” Leigh grumbled.“Give it a rest, Leigh,” Tawny demanded. “Paris, give our guest something to drink so we can wrap this up.” Paris disappeared behind me, then reappeared with a glass of water.“Drink up,” she smiled beatifically.“Just promise me I'm not going to wake up in some landfill or tied to a lamppost somewhere public,” I groaned.“Drink it down right now and you might wake up next to me,” Tawny challenged. Needless to say, I drank and quickly, because I'm an idiot who keeps too much blood in the wrong head.When I woke up, I was back in the Sorority house with a different sweet pledge smiling at me and that smell of ammonia in my nostrils. She handed me a folded piece of paper.I said 'you MIGHT wake up next to me' the paper read. 'P.S. See you and the Ladies at our Halloween Bash.'“What's your name?” I asked the pledge. This time the home was filled with the noises of occupancy.“Larissa,” she giggled. “So, are you Leigh's boyfriend?”“Ah, no; I'm community property; the other sisters hand me around like a box of chocolates,” I joked.“Really! That is so great,” she bubbled with excitement. “I can't wait until I get initiated. I want you to make me scream the way you had Leigh singing.” Does no one get my jokes?“Larissa, I am sure you will pass your initiation, no sweat,” I told her as I stood up, feeling a bit drunk. Larissa walked with me to the door and gave me a quick peck on the cheek as I turned to head for my car. I made it to campus with seconds to spare. The crawl up to the Solarium was done in relative quiet, though Barbie Lynn decided to sample my tonsils before letting me up.Not two steps inside the door my phone rang.“Hello, is this Zane Braxton?” this familiar voice greeted me.“That would be me. What can I do for you this night?” I responded.“This is Felicity Tolliver. I wanted you to know that I had dinner with Rochelle Wellington tonight and I think having you on her committee has really improved her mood,” she informed me.I reached the top of the landing and nearly dropped the phone. Iona sat nervously on my bed, which she had made up because I never do it that well. She was wearing lingerie that definitely made her whole form much more feminine.“Felicity, Rochelle and I talked mostly, plus I showed her some techniques to help alleviate stress,” I related, “but you can tell her it was a pleasure to work with such a vibrant and beautiful woman. You two are a lot alike.”There was a pause, then,“I'll tell her that,” Felicity said.“I will be at my home in case she needs something this weekend. I would like to see both of you, as would my Aunt,” I offered.“That would be nice,” she sounded upbeat.“We could also discuss getting some FFU girls coming over to your place and the workshops you could teach on campus in October and November,” I suggested.“That sounds great too,” Felicity agreed. “I would like to spend some time at FFU and having some girls know where Lance's house is would be nice. When do you want to meet?”“How about after dinner, say 8 o'clock?” I suggested. “You can bring Lance.”“After dinner is fine but Lance has a church workshop on Saturday nights,” Felicity sighed. Oh hell, does this woman even get taken to first base? “He's always so busy with his fraternity at school, the Young Christian Men's Republican caucus, and the Christian Men's League at church.” Does this guy spend any time with women at all?“Consider it a date,” I replied. “Now I have a very good reason to go to bed, so good night.”“Good night,” she parted in a friendly manner, which allowed me to hang up and start undressing as I approached the bed. I looked down at my bed buddy once I'd stripped down to nothing.“You look lovely, Iona,” I greeted her. “What do you want to do?”“I'll do whatever you want,” Iona said with a tremor in her voice, looking down at her lap. She looked stunning in her burgundy bra and panties, which were far more lace than substance. I felt the hand of, Christina (?) in all this.“Thank you, Iona. What I really want is to lie down, you beside me so that I can look into your eyes and gently trace lines along your body, and then I want to go to sleep with you in my arms. That's what I really want.”“Really?” she perked up in surprise and relief. I crawled under the covers, holding them open so she could join me.“I like this a lot,” she murmured, as she settled in at my side, snug in the covers. I shifted to my side and cupped her chin before exchanging several soft kisses with her. Afterwards, I did as I told her I would; my hand caressed her body, avoiding nipples and pussy but doing my best to get everywhere else. I elicited sensual moans and ticklish giggles.When I had forced her to push me off so she could catch her breath, I felt I had given Iona what she wanted, and more importantly, what she could live with. I sat back and stared at the Moon through my glass roof. Iona's smiling face slowly invaded my view.“I give up, Iona,” I pleaded. “Right now I want some sleep.”“That's okay. I will sit here and watch over you,” she sighed.“That's, that's a little creepy, actually,” I confessed.“I've watched all of the Twilight movies so I know what secretive romances are all about,” Iona explained.Unfortunately, I knew little of the Twilight series of movies. I knew it involved vampires and werewolves and some chick named Bella but I'd never actually seen any of that. Had I known it involved a 100-year-old vampire breaking into some teenager's room and staring down at her while she slept, I would have been much more concerned, but for now I went to sleep.A lesson in wh

Leading up to the first day of college.A Spring Break 14-part NovelBy FinalStand. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.(A Little Background …)Hi. My name is Glenn Zane Braxton but everyone calls me Zane. I'm a good-looking (or so I'm told) athletic kid just over six feet tall and just under two hundred pounds. I get my Nordic looks from my Mom who hails from Norway. I apparently get my optimistic attitude and loose moral structure from my Dad, though I was to learn that Mom was a bit freaky too.My parents were killed in a rock climbing accident when I was fifteen so I was sent to live with my Uncle Tim (Dad's younger brother) and Aunt Jill. Unfortunately for me, while my parents had been rich hedonists, Tim and Jill were fundamentalist Christians doing missionary work in northern Thailand. I spent the next two-and-a-half years in a place where a paved road was a luxury.I have nothing against Christianity; I consider myself a decent Christian but I believe my faith stops at the next person's ‘I'm not interested'. My aunt and uncle were a very different breed. They believed that it was every Christian's duty to convert our little brown brothers and sisters (no shit, this is what Tim told me) whether they wanted it or not.Needless to say, I witnessed them busting their self-righteous heads against the faith and traditions of these ancient people they'd come to ‘help enlighten,' while I learned all about Thai culture, cuisine, and kick-boxing. I learned that spending time with Thai women was a hell of a way to get another kind of education too. On the down side, Tim beat me whenever he found out about the women. To get back at him, I spent time with Buddhist monks - score one for the Zen!Three months ago there was an incredibly brutal monsoon and something possessed Tim to go down to the river to save people. Since every sane individual was running away from the river, I pleaded that we go with the people that actually knew what was going on. Instead, I ended up with my Aunt and Uncle hip deep in the muddy water when an uprooted tree hit Tim and Jill.Like a fool I jumped into the flood waters after them. I got to Jill - Tim was a goner. Afterwards, when I realized that no Tim meant a return to the States, I was not crying tears of joy - that would have been cruel.After they gave up the search for Tim, Jill and I returned to Western Civilization. Jill surprised me by actually having a college degree that was useful and she got a job in Virginia working as an insurance adjuster for a nice sized company. I had completed my high school credits online back in Thailand and passed my college entrance exam so I was looking forward to partying it up somewhere far away from Jill.Fate has a funny way of laughing at me, though. For some byzantine reason, Dad set up my trust fund so that I would get a fraction of my inheritance when I turned eighteen…as long as I was in an institution of higher learning approved of by Tim and Jill - now just Jill. Otherwise, I had to wait until I was twenty-one. I wanted to go to the University of Hawaii Jill found a nice little place close to what she called home – real close.Speaking of home; our living arrangements were courtesy of Tim's generous insurance policy and his own little share of Dad's family's money. She bought us an expansive two-story spread with nice large yards, front and back, right where the countryside hits the suburbs. I wished we had a pool and even offered to dip into my own funds to have one put in but since pools were ‘cesspits of depravity' Jill nixed the notion.Getting a car was also an interesting discussion. Jill said 'no way' and wouldn't budge until we noticed that our neighbors were two nice looking ladies in their twenties (I guessed). On the day we moved in I went over to talk (I'm drawn to women like a comet to the Sun) and spent over an hour getting to know them. There were two big pluses about their place; one was the large pool in back, which the girls (there turned out to be more than two) promised I could use whenever I wanted – real nice of them. The other one was…When I got home I told Jill not to worry about the car; the cute lesbian couple offered to pick me up from school whenever I needed a ride. “Are they atheists?” Jill gasped. Apparently them being homosexuals wasn't enough? “Nah, they are Wiccans,” I lied again with a smile. We went car shopping the next day. I figured I would tell Jill we lived next to a sorority house (to the other university in town) at some later date.What Not to WearMoving in turned out to be half the battle for my life at the new house. Next came the clothing war. Personally, I think I look great naked and do wonderful with people of the female persuasion but in Virginia they arrest you for this. Since I only have a twenty percent chance of being taken in by a female police officer (or the five percent of the male officers who are out and-out homosexuals), I'm going to go to jail if I go around nude.My solution was to look around the local teenage hangouts, websites, and social networks to get me a style that would be both individualistic yet fit in. Aunt Jill was of the opinion that my school uniform (see below) would be my normal look. When I told her I'd use my own money to get what I wanted she threatened to throw them out because I was still living under her roof.I got pissed off and since my outlet options were pretty limited, I stupidly went to my room and did what every teenage boy should never do when their female guardian is at home - maybe I have malaria and the fever was clouding my thought processes. In Thailand I would simply go out into the jungle Jill never went out into the wilderness if she could help it.There was no jungle and Jill knew right where my room was, and since it was her house, she barged right in. Half way through giving me a piece of her mind Jill noticed me, the Vaseline, the box of Kleenex, and what my hand was pumping. I yanked the comforter on my bed, trying to cover myself, which resulted in my flipping off the bed (I was sitting on the comforter) and rolling to Jill's feet.Jill stood there with her mouth wide open, eyes glued to my penis. I stopped pumping but my rod wouldn't go down despite my shame – not of my erection but because I didn't like sexually taunting a recent widow. “That's…that's disgusting,” she gasped while still fixated on my erection.I wiggled around so that I could pull up my underwear and slacks. Once my cock was under cover Jill started harping on me. “You vile pervert,” she seethed. “What is the meaning of you showing your…thing to me? You are filthy. Wash your sheets then wash your hands then never do this again.”“Um, Jill…Aunt Jill, I'm an eighteen-year-old male. I need to masturbate,” I informed her. “Not in this house,” she said shrilly. I grabbed the tissues and Vaseline, then headed for the door. “Where are you going?” she worried. “Into the woods out back,” I answered as I tried to move past her. “I kind of need to finish this.”“You will do no such thing,” Jill gasped as she grabbed my arm, “you might be seen…and it's wrong.” First priority for Jill was social appearances while my spiritual well-being was somewhat less important at that moment. “Jill,” I cautioned her, “I really need to knock one out. I'm stressed.”Jill grabbed the Vaseline and tissues from my hands, not because she was stronger but because in my own twisted way, I still acknowledged Jill as my authority figure; not much of one, but one nonetheless. Ripping them away from her wasn't an option so, “Jill, you are my only parent now. I need to come to you about…things sexual,” I suggested.“No,” Jill responded with some shock. “There will be no sex in this house. You will have sex when you are married and not before – ever. Even then, sex is only for procreation.” “Jill, I'm not a virgin,” I informed her. Her jaw dropped but I'm not sure if it was shock, horror, or something else.“You've had sex with a girl?” she whispered. “Aunt Jill, I had twenty girlfriends back at the mission,” I related. “Did…Did Tim know? How did it happen? When did you do it?” she stammered. “Tim knew; that is why he kept beating my ass.“It happened simply enough; we would be bathing down at the river and if we liked what we'd seen and if things clicked, we'd go fool around. Sometimes we'd kiss and touch and sometimes we'd have sex– you know, blowjobs, cunnilingus, vaginal and anal sex,” I continued. “Gack…ah…oh, God preserve me,” Jill sputtered. “As for when, the best time was right after Bible study when you and Tim were preoccupied with the parents and us kids could sneak off to a house and fool around in the common room, and then couples would pair up and have sex in the bedrooms,” I finished. “Oh, poor Tim,” Jill moaned as she slumped against the door sill. “Can I have my stuff and go now?” I asked softly. “No,” she snapped. We kind of stood there for a minute before she asked, “Were you sneaking peeks of me at the river?” “Ummm…” I half turned away, “yeah, I did.” Jill looked offended.“You are very sexy, Jill,” I attempted to mollify her. It didn't work. “You pervert, you freak…that's incest. It is against God's Laws!” she screamed at me. “Jill, we are not blood related, and I never said I actually wanted to sleep with you, only that you have a very nice body,” I countered calmly.“Shut up! Stop talking,” she shouted, before storming off, leaving me even more frustrated. An hour later Jill sent me out to get some pizza but when I got back she wasn't in the house, though her car was still in the garage. I smelled smoke and followed the scent out into the backyard. I saw what Jill was doing; she didn't need to tell me what she was up to but she did it anyway.“I think we need to put your misspent time in Thailand behind you,” she announced, “so I've decided it is best to get rid of all the clothes, books, and statues you brought back.” “You should have asked me,” I stated. Of course, this meant War. “You are awash in sin, Zane,” she answered in this twisted, loving tone. I turned and went in the house.What had that monk said to me when I'd discussed my relationship with Tim and Jill? One does not build a house of stone out of grass Which he suggested meant petty payback satisfies little and is soon gone, but real revenge comes from working permanent change on your opponent. Over the next four days I ordered a secure chest online, withdrew my bank limit each day, and started taking a pitcher of grape juice to my room at bedtime (it will make sense in a moment). I decided to start my plan Sunday night.Stage One: after Jill has gone to bed, fill her car up with gas and report all her credit cards and bank card stolen. We have plenty of food in the kitchen and Jill takes her lunch to work so with the car full of gas she won't immediately notice her cards are useless tomorrow. Also withdraw yet another five hundred dollars with my bank card, which is the daily limit.Stage Two: Once Jill has gone to work, I put three of her Sunday's Best into the steel chest, to which I have the only combination. Burn every piece of ultra-conservative matronly-wear, from underwear to bathrobes to jackets. Now that mid-morning has come, I head over to the Sorority House and enlist the aid of my two new friends, Leigh and Corrie. We go clothes shopping with the money I've saved up.Each 'sister' gets one thing (for services rendered) and the rest of the money we dump on getting Jill everything a sexually confident and active twenty-something would wear (Jill's only thirty) as well as getting me some normal clothes. I'm not going to attempt to make Jill dress like a hooker; that would never work. Jill's been warped by her narrow-minded environment for all of her three decades so making her more tolerant is going to take time.Stage Three: As we are heading to the bedrooms that evening I 'accidently' bump into Jill and soak her with a pitcher of grape juice she now knows I'm taking to my room on a regular basis. Grape juice doesn't come out and a pitcher will soak her down to her underwear and bra. “Sorry, Aunt Jill,” I blathered.“Oh, Zane, this dress is totally ruined. I should make you pay to replace it,” she sounded cross. “Consider it done,” I offered. Technically, I'd already bought her a new one. Jill went into the bathroom muttering Leviticus before tossing me a roll of paper towels to clean up the spilled juice. “Zane?” Jill called from the bathroom with a hint of concern.“Yes?” I responded from the hallway. “Where is my bathrobe?” she inquired. “In the laundry,” I lied. I hear her putter around for a few seconds, then, “Go to your room and shut the door,” she ordered me. I got up and made a point of noisily shutting my door. Half a minute later the bathroom door squeaked open and I heard Jill pad quietly to her room and shut the door. I opened my door and sprinted to the bathroom. I retrieved her clothes from the hamper and tossed them in the sink, got the carefully secreted lighter fluid from underneath, doused them, and tossed in a lit match.At the same time as I'm doing this, I heard Jill slamming dresser drawers open and shut. “ZANE!” Boy, what have you done?“ Jill shouted from her room. I raced out of the bathroom (on purpose) at the same time Jill burst out of her room so we were basically five feet apart when Jill remembered that she was naked; I was barefoot in pajama bottoms.Jill's look was priceless as she realized that the number of men who'd seen her totally naked since she hit puberty had just doubled. She spun around and bolted into her room, door slamming shut once more. It took her a few moments to form a plan. “Zane, go to your room and shut the door,” she growled with a tad more control.“Sure thing.” I grinned as I walked to my room, shut the door, and leaned against it waiting for what I knew would unfold next. Sure enough, Jill raced to the bathroom. “Zane, where is my dress?” “In the sink,” I told her. Three – two – one. “ZANE! What have you done!” she screamed once more. “My bra, my underwear, my hose…” she sobbed. “Jane, you have a robe in your closet. If you want, put it on and come to my room so we can talk this over,” I suggested.I didn't hear anything for fifteen minutes as I waited on my bed. Finally, the door swung open slowly and Jill took a halfstep into my room. Her eyes were downcast in shame but her voice was full of hurt and anger. In her mind there was no possible reason for me to have done this. She was pulling off the Hurt Little Girl bit really well with her mid-thigh crimson satin robe and her wavy, deep-red hair flowing loosely over her shoulders and down her back.“I can't believe you picked this out for me to wear, Zane. Now where are my clothes?” she ground out. “Jill, you look good in that – really good – but I didn't pick it out for you. I had our next-door neighbors do that because you are all beautiful young women,” I explained. “If you tell me what color you are wearing, I'll tell you where your clothes are.” Jill stood stock still as she worked out that I was talking about her panties. “Blue…the deep blue ones…with the black…lace,” she whispered.“Not the white?” I had to ask since I would have guessed this was the first pair of non-white panties she'd ever worn. Her constricted mind had expanded a tiny bit. “The white ones were nearly see-through,” she answered after a second. I had to agree with that. “I put your clothes exactly where you put all the stuff I brought back from Thailand,” I answered. It took a moment for that to sink in. Her burning green eyes popped up in shock. “What am I going to wear to work tomorrow?” she wailed.“I'll tell you if you agree to one request I have for you,” I replied with compassion. “Fine,” she hiccupped. She was so body conscious that she wasn't really thinking about the implications of what she was saying but I believed she would still honor her word. “I want you to wear your hair down all day tomorrow…or in a ponytail, but that's it,” I ordered. Jill looked at me truly confused; she always wore it in a bun.“But why?” she questioned. “I don't understand.” “Your hair is beautiful when it is down, Aunt Jill. I figure it wouldn't kill you to try a new look,” I answered. Again, she didn't understand but I was okay with that, and getting her clothes out of the closet was part of the deal. I pulled out bag after bag and set them on the bed.Jill stepped up during the process and pulled various articles of clothing out, utterly flummoxed with what she was discovering. This wasn't slut-wear but it would definitely show more of her curves and skin than she would have ever normally considered. When I finished bringing bags out she looked past me, expecting more. “I can't wear any of this,” she declared. “Please tell me you didn't really destroy my clothes.” “Jill, I did burn up most of your clothes and you can wear what I bought you. You are thirty, not sixty-five. When I jumped into that river, God decided that I rescued you and not Tim, and I can't believe I saved you so you could go right back to the same life you had before,” I interpreted what might have been true…God doesn't talk to me. “What did I do to deserve this, Zane?” she pleaded. “You burned up all my stuff from Thailand, Jill. And while you might think of this as revenge, it's not. You may not see it this way now but one day, I hope you will understand that I love you,” I told her. “Zane, I don't understand. What you did was evil, despicable, and wicked and I won't tolerate it. We should pray to God, me for guidance and you for forgiveness,” she pouted. She made to kneel down at my bedside so I followed out of long practice. We clasped our hands in prayer and while Jill closed her eyes, mine remained open.Now, my bed is not even at knee level so when Jill knelt down to pray, leaning forward until her elbows were on the mattress, she inadvertently thrust her ass backwards – yes, Jill was doggy style on my bed. I had abstractly known Jill was attractive but the thought of having sex with her had never come up.What was now 'coming up' was suddenly a problem, as were my attempts to keep up with exactly what Jill was asking God for, but the gist of it seemed to involve the Almighty taking steel wool to my corrupt soul, the harder and more painful the scrubbing, the better. “Amen,” we said in unison as the thirty-seven minute ordeal came to an end and Jill stood up.“Jesus has told me that I only have to put up with your dementia until morning. I'd rather get new clothes instead of showing up to work…as some strumpet,” she proclaimed. “Um…where did you come up with the word 'strumpet' and who ever said it was a sin to be good looking?” I asked. “Nothing I got for you suggests sexuality, no push-up bras, crop tops, or slit skirts. They're clothes, nothing more.”“It doesn't matter what you think,” Jill countered. “Whatever madness you thought you were accomplishing won't work. I really should call the pastor.” “And tell him what, that I burned your clothes and bought you…normal clothes? Why don't we call everyone on the church roster?” I warned her. Jill balked at the prospect of having our family feud exposed.Jill sniffed, spun, and started to leave the room when she recalled the clothes I'd bought for her. She huffed and came back for them, looking at me very indignantly. When I went to help, she warned me off with a hateful glare. An hour later, as I began to despair over my actions, I heard Jill's bedroom door open and a crinkly crunch in the hall. Upon examination, I found one of the bags I'd purchased clothes in outside her door. Inside, folded up, were the other bags. Jill had put my clothes away in her drawers and closet. I counted that to be a small victory.At breakfast the next morning I endeavored to be very correct and polite as I complimented Jill on how nice she looked. She returned my platitudes with an angry glare and she left for work without saying a word. In her favor, when she learned her credit cards were toast she didn't break down and scream at me over the phone or miss work. That evening she did still slam the door to the garage loud enough to rattle windows on the other side of the house when she got home from work.“ZANE!” she screamed, “What did you do to my credit cards?” “Your replacements should be here by Saturday or Monday at the latest,” I replied soothingly as she stormed up to me. “So,” I went on, “did anyone compliment you on your looks today?”“What…I…that's not important,” she muttered, then she changed tact. She came over to the sofa where I was reclining, knelt down, and took my hand. “Zane, you are falling into lust, degeneration, and degradation – sins of the flesh. You have to stop this.”'Stop what?' I wasn't precisely sure. “What you want me to do? Should we pray further on the matter? Last night I felt…something, but I still feel empty,” I suggested. Jill's face lit up so I slipped past her and knelt beside her. Jill was unwittingly sexy as she sashayed forward on her knees to rest against the sofa. I reached out to her and she took my hand, then the praying began.What followed was a repetitive litany of me falling into lust and dark desires (clothes buying?). Dear departed Uncle Tim didn't even get an honorable mention which would have been surprising if he hadn't been such a total bastard to me. Jill's neglect I didn't quite understand. She'd always been loyal, dutiful, and supportive. It then occurred to me that I'd never seen him exert an ounce of human compassion toward Jill. I got up and ran to my bedroom, ending up on the bed. Jill padded along behind me after a minute.“Zane?” she wondered. “When is the last time you had sex with Uncle Tim?” I whispered so quietly that Jill struggled to understand me. “But…no, don't do this, Zane, don't fall into apostasy,” Jill simpered.“I have a gift for you. It is something you want but I need you to answer the question,” I offered. “What is the gift?” she asked, guardedly intrigued. “I can promise you no regrets,” I countered. Jill weighed her options, turned, and left.“Dinner,” Jill called to me an hour later. I dutifully went downstairs to the dining room to enjoy a mediocre meal in silence. We barely exchanged a single glance. As I got up to clean the table – cleaning was my chore – Jill spoke. “Seven years.”I was pretty proud that I didn't fall over in shock. First off, in my teenage, hormone-addled mind, how could anyone go without sex for seven years? Next, how could someone with Jill as a wife not want to have sex at least once every seven hours? Finally…what was Tim doing in the lady-boy section of Bangkok when he found me that one time? I really feel like an idiot on occasion.“I saved your three favorite Sunday dresses,” I rewarded her. Jill's eyes showed a glimmer of hope. “Which ones? I mean, how did you know which ones were my favorites?” she pondered. “You told me, Aunt Jill. I do listen to you, ya know,” I responded. She gave me the oddest look, as if I had just explained to her how Ruth slew Goliath, not David.“Thank you,” she whispered. The first battle of the Witch, the Brat, and the Wardrobe was over. The war would go on. The next time we went grocery shopping (Jill decided that the less time I was left alone, the slower I would plummet to my eventual fiery demise) I caught her noticing guys giving her the once over and she liked it, of that I'm sure. How do I know this? She let me talk to the cute stock girl for fifteen seconds before reeling me in, which was long enough for her to write her number on the palm of my hand. I called her and asked if she wanted to go to a sorority party when the semester began. She informed me she was a rising senior in high school so I gave her my number and told her to call me on her eighteenth birthday if she was still interested. You can't win them all – immediately.FFUNow to the college I was attending; Freedom Fellowship University (yes, that is F-FU if you stutter) is the Christian college in my new hometown. Jill read about them in online chat rooms and by communicating with some of her Christian social network gal pals. She heard they had a dress code and without checking on the specifics, she bought me a dozen sets of black slacks and white shirts guaranteed to mark me as a social leper.She signed me up for my classes. I opted for Pre-Med; she insisted I should go Pre-Law until I revealed my secret sinful desire to work for the ACLU, at which point she relented. She wanted me to play some sports, I suspect because she wanted me to have a safe hormonal outlet that didn't involve me touching women. I could have told her that dressed as I was, getting women (short of kidnapping) would be nearly impossible.The problem was, they didn't offer any of the traditional sports except for soccer and track and field. I felt that was odd but I decided to sign up for soccer tryouts anyway. I also signed up for Karate, though I had no idea what a Christian school would be teaching that for, plus Archery (I've never used a bow before), Marksmanship (I've never fired a gun either), and Orienteering (because everyone gets lost in suburban Virginia and has to subsist on squirrel and road kill, right?). I downright refused to have anything to do with the Competitive Bible Study Team.By the end of the admissions process I was beginning to think this was a school for some kind of uber-religious survivalists. Still, they accepted me on short notice and except for a tiny quirk in the online admissions form, I was sadly ready to go to college. It would be that tiny quirk that would change my life forever.There Must Be a Church!Before I could attend college there was one quibble to deal with and that was which church Jill and I would attend. I claimed to be partial to the Unitarians, mainly to watch Jill's face go from normal to pale to an angry beet red. Sometimes razzing her is too easy. Jill chose the First Anointed Free-willed Fellowship of Christ after carefully weighing, considering, and then utterly disregarding my input. I guess I had to be happy they weren't snake handlers.On that first Sunday it was raining. I ended up having to run back into the house as Jill backed the car out of the garage and I took a header into a mud puddle in the lawn. Seeing how soaked I was, Jill allowed me to miss out on Sunday school. When I tried to get to the normal service my car wouldn't start (she'd insisted on buying me a used car, which I was now allowed to return for a new one).The second Sunday was a comedy of errors. The garage door opened halfway, then got stuck, and Jill gave the wrong address to the church family she desperately called to come pick us up. On the third Sunday I was sick, so sick that I missed the SYFY movie classic of the week-(end) Saturday night – Vampire Zombie Overlords II. Jill normally lets me watch it because I told her it shows science in a bad light. I would like to point out that Jill isn't stupid but she does tend to believe that which is most convenient to her world view, in this case, Science = Bad.The fourth and final college-free Sunday, Buddy Jesus informed me that I had to go because no Act of God showed up to save me. It turned out that the First Anointed Free-willed Fellowship of Christ was huge – one of those mega-churches and by the number of luxury cars in the parking lot, not one populated by the unwashed masses. Everyone was very, very friendly to the point where I refused to drink or eat anything they tried to force on me, fearing that I would become a drugged-out zombie filled with unconditional love and happiness toward the world. The one other weird thing was that there didn't seem to be any kids my age in the congregation. I had no Sunday school that day. I later learned this was the weekend of their Pre-College/High School Youth Retreat. Apparently everyone in this place acted as a herd.Before we left I met with Pastor William Penny, chief shepherd of this flock, and he wanted to be my pal. Jill was enraptured with the guy but somehow he came across as creepy to me. Will, Jill, and a few well-meaning parishioners ended up steering me to the Pastor's office (which was as big as Jill's huge kitchen). There my new buddy wanted me to sign some paperwork.Jill urged me to hurry up and get it over with and promised to take me to a nice steak house we'd seen but never been in, as if I was a small child easily pleased. Maybe I should have gone for pre-law because I ignored Jill and did read what they wanted me to sign. They wanted me to tithe…and not on my income, of which I had none, but on my net worth.Everyone around me looked hopeful and I couldn't help but smile as I picked up the pen and started laughing. When they began looking confused I laughed harder, and that made them displeased. I didn't pick up the pen to write; I picked it up so I could stab the first one to rush me. “Listen up, Pastor Bill…can I call you Pastor Bill?” I didn't wait on his reply. “I don't know you or anyone but Aunt Jill in this room,” I chuckled, “and I imagine you are all terribly nice folks, but it will be a cold day in Hell before I give millions of dollars to people I know nothing about.”“We are doing God's work,” Pastor Bill assured me, “and please call me Pastor William.” “Please,” Jill pleaded, “this is what your Uncle Tim would want.” For Jill's sake I didn't laugh out loud once again. Tim gave me billions of mosquito bites, outdoor plumbing, and ass-whoopings on a regular basis so all I felt I owed good ol' Tim was putting a heavy stone on his grave so that he didn't rise up from the dead when the End Times came.In retrospect, Tim did me one favor; he taught me the ability to be verbally evasive when needed. “Aunt Jill, as Uncle Tim told me, being a Christian is a matter of Faith working through the mind and hands. It is my Christian duty to make sure that his legacy (really my Mom and Dad's) is placed where God wants it. Uncle Tim would make me pray deeply to the Almighty before taking such a momentous step, so pray I shall.” Pastor Bill looked disappointed in me, which was a poor mask for his unsatisfied greed. Jill and the rest of the flock seem to have bought my act and that was the victory I needed to win right then. On the way back home Jill was pleased as punch. I'd expressed to her new friends what a wise saint good ol' Uncle Tim had been. This was the day I had to move into my dorm room on FFU's campus so I didn't have much time to dwell on everything that had happened.To Be Continued.By FinalStand for Literotica

“This is the power of gathering: it inspires us, delightfully, to be more hopeful, more joyful, more thoughtful: in a word, more alive.” -Alice Waters   Hi Guys, I am excited about this one! We have local cocktail fam in the house and these are not your average college creations- these are top notch beverages to impress your friends, family, and your own taste buds… made easy! The holidays are here and there is no better gift than a good hug and varsity libation, so listen in on how this amazing idea came to be a full-on business creation leveling up you party and home bar with ease. Uncle Tim's Co-Founder, Tim Felkner, joins us today to share how he merged his passion for craft cocktails and hosting with his in-depth experience in the high-end restaurant industry to create a quality sipping experience right at home. Tim shares his journey in entrepreneurship, intentional personal self-growth, and how he looks to set the bar on the “already made” cocktail experience with top notch, tried, true, and tested recipes, as well as putting human connection at the forefront of the mission. After all it's in Tim's blood to keep the party going as his great grandfather was a rumrunner during prohibition, and his smuggled alcohol kept New York City speakeasies running. This is not only a product you want to try, it's a company of mission driven humans you want to know. Order online wherever you are OR be sure to drop into their local tasting room or pop ups here in Denver, Colorado!   Highlights: Local, classy, and lit- let's toast something delicious! Entrepreneurship. Mental health and community. Family, friends, and the importance of gathering. Chasing the dream and finding yourself. Breaking stereo types and leading by example. Work and play balance.   Tim Stamps: 0:52- Following you Passion 1:09- Tim's intro 3:37- Fining the balance 5:04- The brand name is born 10:40- The best marketing is telling the true story 14:15- The Colorado balance 17:07- Mental health in the restaurant industry 21:07- Tim's core values 26:43- Balanced masculine and feminine approach to life and business 29:30- Pride in the product 32:50- Building from the ground up 38:04- New product coming out! 39:49- Where can you find Uncle Tim's 42:16- What is success to you?   Related Articles: New Line of Spirit-Forward Bottled Cocktails Releasing ... Uncle Tim's Cocktails | Bar Services & Beverages Uncle Tim's Cocktails Hosts Secretive Salon Dinner Series     Uncle Tim's: Meet Tim and Pat For enthusiasts of craft cocktails, there always exists that iconic moment where a bartender introduced you to the world of unique flavors combined with high quality spirits. For founders Tim Felkner and Patrick Stern, that was San Francisco's restaurant renaissance starting in 2008.  Inspired by the diverse landscape of options out there, they found themselves hosting a wide range of events and found a need for ready-made cocktails that provided the same caliber of unique flavors we found across the city's greatest bars and restaurants. Over the last decade, we developed the recipes what came to be called Uncle Tim's bottled cocktails, most of which you will find in our collection today. The tradition of unique cocktails is what we love, and hope that you find inspiration in these bottles to share and enjoy with the company you keep. https://www.uncletimscocktails.com/   Get In Touch With T&T: IG: @TurmericTequila Facebook: @TurmericAndTequila Tik Tok: @TurmericTequila Website: www.TurmericAndTequila.com Host: Kristen Olson IG: @Madonnashero Website: www.KOAlliance.com  

BOL publisher Tim Watts and senior recruiting editor Andrew Bone share insight into where things currently stand on the recruiting trail. Topics include: -- Latest on elite 2025s Ryan Williams and George MacIntyre. -- Alabama still in good position for five-star OT Jordan Seaton? -- Story time with Uncle Tim and Andrew includes Reuben Foster, Quinnen Williams, Cyrus Kouandjio and more. -- Has the book closed entirely with Perry Thompson? In addition to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, and Stitcher, the BamaOnLine Podcast is now on YouTube (@BOLonYouTube). Please subscribe and leave us a rating and a review! Contact Travis Reier by personal message or on Twitter (@travisreier). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

With the Crimson Tide fresh off a big win over LSU, BOL publisher Tim Watts and senior recruiting editor Andrew Bone share insight into where things currently stand on the recruiting trail. Topics include: -- From in-stadium environment to weather, Alabama couldn't have asked for a better night to host stars. -- Recapping official visitors, both of the football and basketball variety. -- MIFs: Most important flip targets. -- It's Kentucky week, so Uncle Tim and Andrew tell some stories about previous UA efforts on the trail in the Commonwealth. For a limited time only, BOL is offering its annual subscription to new subscribers for 50% off: click here! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

00:01When you do something, you should burn yourself up completely, like a good bonfire, leaving no trace of yourself. Shunryu Suzuki00:25Welcome friends and travelers along the path. This is the imperfect Buddhist. I'm your host, Matthew Hock Mahoney, and today's episode is titled Buddhism and Leadership, leading by example and the ripple effect.01:07Leading by example can have profound impacts on our relationships, our spiritual development, and the world around us. In a time where so many people, including myself sometimes, want to inspire action in others around them through using force or coercion of some sort, or I guess telling other people how to think and act. I believe leading by example is the ultimate way to make change in the world.01:36This is something that I've been thinking about quite a bit lately, especially with all of the political unrest and people screaming at each other across the aisles on how we should think about gay rights or how we should deal with women's rights and their right to bodily autonomy with abortion. Bud Light in an attempt to appeal to a different demographic, adding certain controversial imagery.02:06and messaging to their cans and being ostracized by both sides of the argument.02:15with things like climate change and starting to think a little bit about how can I play a part in changing people's thoughts around me that don't agree with me. My uncle Tim, for instance, I visited with him on 4th of July and he has some very strong opinions about climate change, that it is a conspiracy, that all climate scientists or the ones that are reporting on this are actually funded by the government. And so how can I get him to see things the way that I see them? How can I get him to see?02:44The science that says, Uncle Tim, our oceans are hotter than they've ever been. Uncle Tim, we've never seen weather patterns like this ever. Uncle Tim, how are they keeping it quiet that certain scientists have been receiving this money? I wanna go into this argument and start to tell him how to think about the subject. So I started thinking more about what does leading by example mean in this situation? Segment one.03:12the desire to change others and leading by example.03:22It's pretty normal to wanna change others instead of leading by example. Maybe it takes less energy or we have the illusion that it takes less energy that if I could just lambast my Uncle Tim, bludgeon him to fucking death with scientific data. The numbers, Uncle Tim's go to the beach, let's go to the water. Dip your toes in, how hot does it feel? Tim, I want you to see things the way that I see them.03:49Maybe it's for some fucked up reason of control. Maybe it's for some other daddy issue. Or maybe it's because I truly care about the environment and I'm freaked out by what's happening and someone I love, my uncle Tim, doesn't see it. And it scares me that he doesn't see it. And I want someone I love to see it and to work with me to make a better situation. Maybe it's easier for me to04:18Point out to Uncle Tim all this stuff and talk about the science, talk about the data, because it's really hard for me to look at my own life and see how am I playing a part in making the situation worse? How am I a contributor to climate change? What are the things that I'm doing or that I could change that would make the situation better? Why do I want to control? Why do I want to bludgeon with my ideas, convince, influence? What are these desires?04:48where actions come from. Looking inside, they come from a strongly held belief, one that I am certain is correct. So there might be the desire to have someone I love or care about see something the way that I see it. Why is that important? Because if they don't believe what I believe, maybe that means they're lower intelligence and I just can't stand for that. Or maybe it's some type of ego gratification where05:14If they're disagreeing with me, then maybe that means I'm wrong somehow and I can't stand for that. And it's also an attachment to a certain outcome. I want the earth to sustain life, human life. I want that. I desire that. I will fight for that. And it's not such a bad attachment, but in Buddhism it is an attachment. And maybe some would say it is a wish for well-being of others, a form of metta, form of love. And that could also be true.05:43But only we can know by seeing ourselves truly. Trying to change others through force has its limitations. How about you? Someone says, hey, Sarah, hey, Mike, hey, John, hey, Christy. Hey, Matt, you're doing that wrong. This is the way to do it. I can't believe you ever tried it that way. Let me show you the right way to do it. And I never want to see you do it that way ever again. You're an idiot for thinking that. What does that bring up for you?06:13And of course that's an extreme version, but of course it brings up resentment, brings up a pushback, and a lot of times it strengthens the behavior we wish to see changed, strengthens the ideas or beliefs in other people's that we wish to see changed, and it grains those things deeper in other people. So a lot of the times it has a counteractive effect. This idea that we're going to change them, make them better, make them believe what we believe doesn't seem to work.06:44Segment 2, the 100 year old man's unintentional inspiration, aka I want to pet dogs.06:56June 23rd, 2023, 8 a.m. He wanted to pet dogs for his 100th birthday, hundreds lined up. Allison Moore was stunned when more than 200 canines congregated waiting patiently for their turn to be petted by her father. When Allison Moore began brainstorming ideas for her father's 100th birthday celebration, there was a non-negotiable for the festivities. Dogs needed to be there, as many pooches as possible.07:26Quote, he just love, love, loves dogs, Alison Moore 60 said of her dad, Robert Moore, who turned 100 on June 14th. Quote, every dog he sees, he wants to pet. He has been like this his whole life, end quote. In addition to a big family dinner on his birthday, Alison Moore and her two siblings wanted to do something extra to mark the milestone. Sadly, a lot of his best friends aren't with us anymore, she said. So she decided dogs would have to do.07:55Six days before the celebration, Allison Moore posted on the Neighborhood Network site next door, as well as on Facebook, explaining her idea and asking for dogs in San Jose to stop by for a pet parade on June 17th. People started sharing her posts and other local groups on social media. Quote, We live in a nice little community and I thought I could get some of my neighbors and friends to come.08:17End quote, said Allison Moore, adding that she planned for her father to sit outside her home with a banner and assemble a small line of dogs for him to admire and cuddle. Human treats and dog treats would be served. Since the posts got some attraction, Allison Moore said she expected 20, maybe 30 dogs to show up. She was stunned when, shortly after the parade started at 11 a.m., more than 200 canines congregated, waiting patiently for their turn to be petted by her father. Quote, I was shocked, end quote.08:46said Allison Moore, explaining that some people drove more than 10 miles to attend the celebration. Her father, who was the Dean of Applied Sciences and Arts of San Jose State University for 25 years, was deeply touched by the turnout. Quote, he was so overwhelmed, end quote. His daughter said, he was just so sweet in talking to the kids and petting all the dogs and saying their names. It was so much fun, end quote.09:10Even though the event was intended to bring joy to Robert Moore, it ended up also being a delightful day for the people who attended, including Roger O'Brien, 88, who has Alzheimer's disease. His daughter, Denise O'Brien, brought him in his geriatric recliner, along with his dog Lucky, to the parade. Quote, it was the most beautiful thing, end quote, said Denise O'Brien, who owns a dog care company, Silicon Valley Watch Dogs.09:37and stumbled upon Alison Moore's post on Nextdoor. It's been a long time since I saw my dad smile for 90 minutes straight," end quote. Her father has been suffering from Alzheimer's for the last 11 years. Denise O'Brien said, adding that he only remembers his wife's name and his dog's name. He proudly introduced Lucky to everyone at the parade. This made not just my dad's day, but his whole year. TheWashingtonPost.com by Sydney Page, June 23rd, 2023.10:07Thank you.10:13This guy loved dogs. He found a lot of joy in petting dogs, seeing dogs, talking to dogs. Was he out to change the world or get in the news or convince other people that, hey, the present moment is worth enjoying? Hey, dogs are part of that present moment. Nope, he just enjoyed dogs. He enjoyed petting dogs. He enjoyed the simple things in life. And in turn, he values those simple things by valuing something simple and real.10:42He enjoyed it and through this big story that got out, now he's inspiring other people to enjoy the simple things in life like petting dogs. It's an unintentional ripple effect that can't help but have a subconscious impact on anybody that reads it. Maybe most people that read that story wouldn't think, hey, I should be more present and enjoy what's in front of me. This guy could have done anything. I don't know anything, but he decided on his 100th birthday to pet dogs.11:12Maybe this 100 year old knows something, I don't know. But it inspired me. Started to make me think a little bit about the climate change stuff. I started thinking to myself, maybe I'm coming at it backwards.11:23Friday morning, my wife and I, we started doing this early morning beach walk before we go to work. And I was grumpy this morning. I didn't want to get up. I was up late the night before playing Magic the Gathering Arena. We got to the beach and we were walking and I was watching my breath and feeling a little bit of water at my ankles and sand in my toes. Listening to the rushing water that built up in these little pools that would drain back into the ocean.11:53all enveloping feeling and I was enjoying it so thoroughly as we're walking. The sun's starting to come out, be a little bit more overhead, and I'm just enjoying it so much. And this story, this man came to me, I started thinking about how he enjoyed petting dogs and he probably inspired a lot of people more so than someone just flat out telling you that you should be present and enjoy the small things. He led by example. So my wife and I were talking about Uncle Tim and his ideas of climate change.12:22My wife, I said, do I believe humanity is something worth saving? Yeah, I do. Are we attached to one expression of what this world does? Well, yeah, certainly, because we're attached to this expression of our planet because it led to human life and an abundance of life. Does that mean that's the only expression of this planet that's beautiful? No. But what about the idea of the universe becoming conscious of itself? Dolphins, humans, primates.12:52I don't know the awareness that a dragonfly has, but I'm sure it's there to a level. And this current expression of this planet leads to the universe becoming aware of itself and the ability to transcend, to ponder. The universe is pondering itself and I think that's a beautiful thing.13:12So I got into this idea of how much do I enjoy nature? Am I walking along and really appreciating the trees, the plants, the water that's around me? Is it something that I'm actually enthralled in? It occurred to me that people aren't gonna do what's necessary until they find value in nature, value in consciousness. And so if they don't have that or see value, then why would they do all this stuff that is pretty inconvenient? It's inconvenient to...13:41do some of this climate impact reduction. So what would it look like if I just really enjoyed petting dogs that have a better impact on Uncle Tim and other people that'd like to change their minds?14:04Segment 3, the transformative power of leading by example.14:15So far, we've talked about concepts of pure enjoyment, the dropping away of desire being present with, or as some would say, being the change we want to see. How does Zen play a part in all this? Or better yet, how does Buddhist principles play a part in this? With the idea or example of the man with the dogs being present, he had a natural connection with and love for dogs. That present moment awareness, being able to tap into this moment and14:44be with things, we naturally start to enjoy some things more. We don't experience things on such a surface level and it opens up the possibility for deeper experiences. We start to get in touch with what's going on inside of us. Maybe we have trauma from the past, fears of the future that prevent us from really enjoying anything or caring about anything on a deeper level. Buddhist principles and practices allow us to15:13move through some of that and work on our shit so that we can be the person that we want to see in the world. Or to actually just be the person that we are. I read the other day that someone said that spiritual development isn't becoming something new, it's the letting go of everything we're not until our true self is revealed. So I've done some self-reflection during this episode and I want to encourage you to do the same thing. Look at ways that maybe you are.15:40trying to be an influencer and get them numbers up on Instagram. I know the grind I've done it to but in what ways can you lead by example letting go of the desire to change. Letting go of the desire connecting more with a principle of love meta inside of yourself and with those around you. How could that have a greater impact?16:04If you want to be listened to, try listening to someone else. See what happens. If you want to be loved and accepted for who you are, try doing that with your worst enemy. If you want to see people give a shit about the environment and value it and value human life or the ability to sustain human life, then you should try doing that too. As for myself, I want to see a more awakened, loving world. I want to be a part of that world. I want people to experience peace in their life.16:34sense of wholeness because life is way too short to go from desire and sense pleasure from desire to sense pleasure and never have that feeling of wholeness that everything is as it is Complete and you are complete. I'd like a lot of people to experience that but hey How much do I experience that how often am I picking up my phone and looking for some type of? Online purchase that can fulfill me for 10 minutes. How often am I looking forward to some experience or17:03trying to disconnect through food because I'm not experiencing my wholeness and deeper connection.17:11The chances that we're gonna change someone's strongly held beliefs or opinion about something through argument or force for will is very low. The chances of having positive benefit in the world now through leading by action and leading by example goes up pretty significantly. But there's no guarantee that we will influence any major change in the world. But hey, at least we enjoyed life. At least we lived by the principles that...17:41we believed in that maybe we got to pet a couple dogs and really enjoy that.17:57Thank you so much for coming and hanging out with me. I have really enjoyed doing this episode and sharing it with you. I hope you have a wonderful week ahead when you're present, that moments of joy spring up, that you get to experience again what it was like to be a kid and love looking at a tree or climbing in a tree or picking fresh plums or riding your bike when through the hair. I hope you have a beautiful week ahead and I will talk to you next week. Bye.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations

Bible Reading: Matthew 25:34-40; James 2:14-17"Dad, can you pass the gravy, please?" said Noelle as she plopped a heaping serving of mashed potatoes on her plate. Mashed potatoes and gravy were one of her favorite side dishes, along with pumpkin pie, which was also on the table.Dad handed her the white pitcher. "You sure do like mashed potatoes.""Yeah, I guess I do," Noelle said as she poured the creamy gravy on her potatoes."Save some for me," Dad said with a laugh.Noelle set the pitcher of gravy back on the table. "I miss Mom.""I do too," Dad said. "But we should be thankful she was able to go and help Aunt Dawn for a while after her surgery. It'd be hard for Uncle Tim to do it all by himself.""I'm glad the operation went well," said Noelle. "I love Aunt Dawn.""And you've really helped get things done while Mom is away," said Dad. "It sure is nice to have the extra help around here, just like it is for Aunt Dawn to have Mom's extra help." "It's kind of like having extra gravy for mashed potatoes," said Noelle."What do you mean?" asked Dad."Well, it's not like you have to have it--mashed potatoes would be okay if you didn't. But it makes them taste so much better. Just like Mom helping Aunt Dawn--it makes things easier even though Aunt Dawn could have managed with just Uncle Tim's help.""And you have made things better for us around here," said Dad. "We would have managed even if you hadn't worked harder, but I'm so pleased that you did." Dad smiled at Noelle. "You know, the Bible says that a willingness and desire to help others points to the fact that we belong to Jesus. Because we know Him as our Savior, we have the Holy Spirit, who fills our hearts with His love. And both you and Mom have shown that love through your actions this week."Dad got up and went into the kitchen to do the dishes, and Noelle followed."I'll help," Noelle said as she began clearing the table."Well, I'd sure like the extra help," said Dad. "And it means much more to me than a little extra gravy on mashed potatoes!"-Sharon Lee RobertsHow About You?Have you ever given extra help to someone who needed it? Maybe you visited someone who was sick or helped a neighbor with yardwork. Perhaps your family has experienced a situation when you needed help from someone else. One of the ways God shows His love to people is through Christians who demonstrate the kind of love Jesus has for us. Who can you show God's love to with some extra help today?Today's Key Verse:Truly I [Jesus] tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me. (NIV) (Matthew 25:40)Today's Key Thought:Show God's love by helping others

Uncle Tim delivers a new installment of ten basic life skills every teenage boy should know how to do. While these may seem minor, learning these skills promotes wellness and a healthy dose of self-worth.***The Thrivehood Podcast is a relevant life roadmap for boys and young men who want to do more than just survive the baffling years of youth. Bringing a dose of seasoned wisdom sprinkled with offbeat humor, your host Tim Williams chats about a variety of topics that not only challenge but motivate you to thrive as you boldly mature into manhood.www.thrivehoodpodcast.com******SUBSCRIBEApple Podcast | Spotify | Google Podcast | Stitcher | iHeart | YouTube  ***Stay Connected with Thrivehood PodcastInstagram | Facebook | Twitter | YouTube | EmailAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Dave and Falen read an email with a MIL dilemma and need feedback!

If you get bored this summer, never fear, Uncle Tim is here! Check out some ways to have a blast under the sun-soaked months of 2023. Now go have some fun guys!***The Thrivehood Podcast is a relevant life roadmap for boys and young men who want to do more than just survive the baffling years of youth. Bringing a dose of seasoned wisdom sprinkled with offbeat humor, your host Tim Williams chats about a variety of topics that not only challenge but motivate you to thrive as you boldly mature into manhood.www.thrivehoodpodcast.com******SUBSCRIBEApple Podcast | Spotify | Google Podcast | Stitcher | iHeart | YouTube  ***Stay Connected with Thrivehood PodcastInstagram | Facebook | Twitter | YouTube | EmailAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In addition to discussing a few random items, Uncle Tim announces a new feature available to listeners! We'll be back with another Useless Fact You Can Use episode next week so stay tuned in!***The Thrivehood Podcast is a relevant life roadmap for boys and young men who want to do more than just survive the baffling years of youth. Bringing a dose of seasoned wisdom sprinkled with offbeat humor, your host Tim Williams chats about a variety of topics that not only challenge but motivate you to thrive as you boldly mature into manhood.www.thrivehoodpodcast.com******SUBSCRIBEApple Podcast | Spotify | Google Podcast | Stitcher | iHeart | YouTube  ***Stay Connected with Thrivehood PodcastInstagram | Facebook | Twitter | YouTube | EmailAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Oklahoma won its 6th title by .150 over Florida. We discuss whether this makes sense, the perils of recency bias, and the exquisite joys of motivational lying Trinity tied the all-time 10s record in her final competition and we relive the journey of watching Trinity during the warmup periods this weekend The semifinals, UCLA being eliminated with a 197.9, Cal doing its best Michigan impression, and the problems with trying to compare the two semifinals The story of Tasha Brozowski at regionals and how to help her family Maile O'Keefe, Olivia Trautman, and Jordan Chiles are individual NCAA champions Behind-the-scenes stories from the area, including the Falling Table of Doom and the Gator of Spencer's Sorrow We try to speak some rules for 2024 into existence, plus some quick items from European Championships before we get into more details next time and an update on Riley McCusker's lawsuit against Maggie Haney. Photo Galleries from NCAAs here  JOIN CLUB GYM NERD Join Club Gym Nerd (or give it as a gift!) for access to weekly Behind the Scenes episodes. Club Gym Nerd members can watch the podcast being recorded and see some of the gymnastics we discuss, plus get access to all of our exclusive interviews and Behind The Scenes episodes. Not sure about joining the club?  College & Cocktails: The Friday Night NCAA Gymnastics Post-Meet Show is available to sample (even if you aren't a Club Gym Nerd member yet). Watch or listen here. Buy our awesome clothing and gifts here. We have a Ukraine Fundraiser design, all proceeds go to the CARE Ukraine Crisis fund. RELATED EPISODES & RESOURCES College & Cocktails: Live from NCAA Finals in Ft. Worth 2023 NCAA Nationals Preview Juicy, Juicy Controversy Elimination Nation: The NCAA Regionals Preview The Code Is Feces The GymCastic Postseason Sermon featuring Jenny Hansen Jenny Hansen Interview Project K Episode 2 Project K Episode 1 Gymnastics History and Code of Points Archive from Uncle Tim

NCAA Nationals Preview  It's NCAA Nationals this week! We look at the competition from a few angles: the eagle-eyed view from the second tier, the view from the fan section, and the view from the judges table, to examine what we expect to see, what the fans want to see, and what the judges should be seeing. Is Florida still a top favorite, what do Cal and LSU need to do to advance, can anyone touch Oklahoma, is Utah's W/L dominance over UCLA foreshadowing, are the judges going to differentiate Yurchenko 1.5s, and will they be willing to go 10? Our very important wish list for in-arena comedy and thoughts on the LSU documentary The all-around title: Is it going to be the Jordan Chiles show? Or will Haleigh Bryant or Leanne Wong steal the crown? Plus, Pick Your Fighter: Spoiler Edition NCAA CHAMPIONSHIPS LIVE SHOW ON SALE NOW Gymternet News The men's injury apocalypse, top gymnasts to watch, and abounding sexism at this week's European Championship Gymnasts are going to the G7, and a lawsuit over NCAA volunteer coaches JOIN CLUB GYM NERD Join Club Gym Nerd (or give it as a gift!) for access to weekly Behind the Scenes episodes. Club Gym Nerd members can watch the podcast being recorded and see some of the gymnastics we discuss, plus get access to all of our exclusive interviews and Behind The Scenes episodes. Not sure about joining the club?  College & Cocktails: The Friday Night NCAA Gymnastics Post-Meet Show is available to sample (even if you aren't a Club Gym Nerd member yet). Watch or listen here. Buy our awesome clothing and gifts here. We have a Ukraine Fundraiser design, all proceeds go to the CARE Ukraine Crisis fund. EXTRA CLUB CONTENT Club Gym Nerd members can watch the video version of the show, join us for live podcasts once a week, get extended and early releases of interviews, and have early access to live show tickets.[wcm_nonmember] Please login to your Club Gym Nerd account to listen and/or watch this episode. Not a member? Join here.[/wcm_nonmember] [wcm_restrict] If you don't see the video yet, don't worry, it's loading... [embedyt][/embedyt] [/wcm_restrict] RELATED EPISODES & RESOURCES Juicy, Juicy Controversy Elimination Nation: The NCAA Regionals Preview The Code Is Feces The GymCastic Postseason Sermon featuring Jenny Hansen Jenny Hansen Interview NCAA Career 10 Record Rankings To Rest or Not? Winter Cup 2023 With the Intensity of a Raisman To Score the Impossible Score Project K Episode 2 Project K Episode 1 Gymnastics History and Code of Points Archive from Uncle Tim

NCAA Regionals The Denver regional broke us. We delve into what happened with the tiebreak and what happens when the results don't match what you see with your open eyes A brief intermission from fury for important honors in the field of coach outfits and stick celebration violence Back to controversy with Oklahoma counting a fall on beam and still winning its regional. We discuss whether that was correct, and whether it should be possible to win a regional final with two falls on beam The biggest shocks of regionals, from Jade Carey not advancing to nationals as an all-arounder, to no Big Ten teams making the final 8, to which team totally cheaped out on its intro video Plus, Trinity's leg injury in the semifinal and how it did (or didn't) affect Florida, Cal recording the highest score of all the regional finals, Auburn's 3-fall bars rotation, Kentucky returning to nationals, and UCLA fending off a challenge from Missouri Individual qualification brought some surprising all-around qualifiers and some egregious snubs NCAA CHAMPIONSHIPS LIVE SHOW ON SALE NOW EXTRA CLUB CONTENT Club Gym Nerd members  can watch the video version of the show, join us for live podcasts once a week, get extended and early releases of interviews, and have early access to live show tickets.Please, login to your Club Gym Nerd account to listen and/or watch this episode. Not a member? Join hereJOIN CLUB GYM NERD Join Club Gym Nerd (or give it as a gift!) for access to weekly Behind the Scenes episodes. Club Gym Nerd members can watch the podcast being recorded and see some of the gymnastics we discuss, plus get access to all of our exclusive interviews and Behind The Scenes episodes. Not sure about joining the club?  College & Cocktails: The Friday Night NCAA Gymnastics Post-Meet Show is available to sample (even if you aren't a Club Gym Nerd member yet). Watch or listen here. Buy our awesome clothing and gifts here. We have a Ukraine Fundraiser design, all proceeds go to the CARE Ukraine Crisis fund. RELATED EPISODES & RESOURCES Elimination Nation: The NCAA Regionals Preview The Code Is Feces The GymCastic Postseason Sermon featuring Jenny Hansen Jenny Hansen Interview NCAA Career 10 Record Rankings To Rest or Not? Winter Cup 2023 With the Intensity of a Raisman To Score the Impossible Score Project K Episode 2 Project K Episode 1 Gymnastics History and Code of Points Archive from Uncle Tim

Tim Williams is the host of the podcast “Thrivehood.” His podcast offers a relevant life roadmap for boys and young men by providing them with practical advice, relatable stories, and a sense of community. Also known as “Uncle Tim,” he provides seasoned wisdom sprinkled with offbeat humor as he provides advice on goal-setting, time management, and overcoming limiting beliefs. Let's dive in. What you will learn:Why is there so little support available for teen/tween boys?What kinds of topics are covered on the Thrivehood podcast? What do moms need to know about their son's adolescent years? How can moms get their sons talking and opening up to them? What words of wisdom Tim has for fathers. Links from episodePodcast: https://www.thrivehoodpodcast.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thrivehoodpodcastYouTube: https://youtube.com/@thrivehoodpodcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thrivehood_podcast/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/ThrivehoodPCheck out our Moms of Tweens and Teens website HERESign up for our Moms of Tweens and Teens newsletter HERE Find more encouragement, wisdom, and resources: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/momsoftweensandteens/ Join our Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/Momsoftweensandteens Find awesome resources on MOTTs University: https://www.mottsuniversity.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/momsoftweensandteens/ Sheryl also has an Inner Circle weekly Parenting Program with a community of like-minded moms, personal coaching, and tons of resources to equip and support you to love well, navigate the challenges and meet your tween and teen's unique needs during these pivotal years. Get on the waitlist to get all the details and to be the first to know when it opens! https://momsoftweensandteens.lpages.co/waiting-list-for-membe...

NCAA Regionals Preview It's elimination season. 36 becomes 16. 16 becomes 8. We break down the regional championships, renaming each one to give it a more accurate title, assigning the official regional agents of chaos, and profiling key matchups—like Kentucky vs Alabama, Cal vs Michigan State, and the Denver regional vs the judges. All the individuals who need to qualify to nationals otherwise the sport is canceled, and a rage-o-meter about treating gymnastics like an ACTUAL SPORT. NCAA CHAMPIONSHIPS LIVE SHOW ON SALE NOW Plus, Jessica watched every 10.000 from this season and has the final verdict on how many of them were real, and we discuss the recurring themes of what deductions aren't taken and the hardest qualities to codify. Gymternet News and More The IOC really wants Russia to compete again, and we look at comeback season in Britain and beyond We have a mini-commission all about the wonders of Alaska gymnastics and a Rage-o-Meter about never clapping for the other team! EXTRA CLUB CONTENT Club Gym Nerd members can watch the video version of the show, join us for live podcasts once a week, get extended and early releases of interviews, and have early access to live show tickets.[wcm_nonmember] Please login to your Club Gym Nerd account to listen and/or watch this episode. Not a member? Join here. JOIN CLUB GYM NERD Join Club Gym Nerd (or give it as a gift!) for access to weekly Behind the Scenes episodes. Club Gym Nerd members can watch the podcast being recorded and see some of the gymnastics we discuss, plus get access to all of our exclusive interviews and Behind The Scenes episodes. Not sure about joining the club?  College & Cocktails: The Friday Night NCAA Gymnastics Post-Meet Show is available to sample (even if you aren't a Club Gym Nerd member yet). Watch or listen here. Buy our awesome clothing and gifts here. We have a Ukraine Fundraiser design, all proceeds go to the CARE Ukraine Crisis fund. RELATED EPISODES & RESOURCES The Code Is Feces The GymCastic Postseason Sermon featuring Jenny Hansen Jenny Hansen Interview NCAA Career 10 Record Rankings To Rest or Not? Winter Cup 2023 With the Intensity of a Raisman To Score the Impossible Score Project K Episode 2 Project K Episode 1 Gymnastics History and Code of Points Archive from Uncle Tim

NCAA CHAMPIONSHIPS LIVE SHOW On sale now for Club Gym Nerd members with discount. Discount expires on March 24th when tickets go on sale to general public. Headlines The latest on Suni Lee's and Jordan Chiles' competition plans Should Jordan's vault this week have been a 10??????? Haleigh Bryant got 3 perfect 10s in a single meet Plus, Oklahoma said playtime is over after last week's loss, Cal set more program records than it knows what to do with, and Kentucky elbowed its way ahead of Alabama and Auburn NCAA Gymnastics Week 10 How To Get To Nationals: A GymCastic Postseason Explainer — We trace the journey of some of your favorite, deeply dramatic individuals and teams and how they can advance through the postseason All your questions about hosting, seeding, individual titles, and geographic regionals placement Who needs a score this weekend, and what are some of the sleeper conference championships to watch? Finally, the wildest things that happened on BTN+ this week, and do we think Maile O'Keefe's beam should have been a Perfect Fall 9.500?   EXTRA CLUB CONTENT Club Gym Nerd members can watch the video version of the show, join us for live podcasts once a week, get extended and early releases of interviews, and have early access to live show tickets.[wcm_nonmember] Please login to your Club Gym Nerd account to listen and/or watch this episode. Not a member? Join here.   JOIN CLUB GYM NERD Join Club Gym Nerd (or give it as a gift!) for access to weekly Behind the Scenes episodes. Club Gym Nerd members can watch the podcast being recorded and see some of the gymnastics we discuss, plus get access to all of our exclusive interviews and Behind The Scenes episodes. Not sure about joining the club?  College & Cocktails: The Friday Night NCAA Gymnastics Post-Meet Show is available to sample (even if you aren't a Club Gym Nerd member yet). Watch or listen here. Buy our awesome clothing and gifts here. We have a Ukraine Fundraiser design, all proceeds go to the CARE Ukraine Crisis fund. RELATED EPISODES & RESOURCES College and Cocktails with Vanessa Atler NCAA Career 10 Record Rankings Jenny Hansen Interview To Rest or Not? Winter Cup 2023 With the Intensity of a Raisman To Score the Impossible Score Project K Episode 2 Project K Episode 1 Gymnastics History and Code of Points Archive from Uncle Tim

Listen to a regrettable, yet hilarious, story of how your host, Uncle Tim, recently took a nosedive into utter failure and created an embarrassing scene at the carwash. His failure is an opportunity to learn what grace under pressure shouldn't look like.Think about it...After listening to this episode, answer these questions:What part of Uncle Tim's meltdown did you enjoy most?What lesson did you learn from his experience?What can you do to be better prepared for those sink-or-swim moments you will face?***The Thrivehood Podcast is a relevant life roadmap for boys and young men who want to do more than just survive the baffling years of youth. Bringing a dose of seasoned wisdom sprinkled with offbeat humor, your host Tim Williams, chats about a variety of topics that not only challenge but motivate you to thrive as you boldly mature into manhood.www.thrivehoodpodcast.com******SUBSCRIBEApple Podcast | Spotify | Google Podcast | Stitcher | iHeart | YouTube  ***Stay Connected with Thrivehood PodcastInstagram | Facebook | Twitter | YouTube | EmailAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Winter Cup This was the year the women truly understood the meaning of Winter Cup: Falling We discuss Lexi Zeiss going full Ellie Black on this meet, the importance of being Nola Matthews, and our breakout stars—and breakout comedians—of the women's senior session (with some Cottbus thrown in for luck) Whose floor routines escaped THE WRATH OF DONATELLA? Not many. But a couple. Like, exactly 2. One, Two. Then we send some overdone choreographic gestures to a farm upstate. The broadcast: why NBC is actually...getting better? Plus, some gymnerd deep cut YouTube assignments, and that time Yul Moldauer went "ALTERNATE THIS" all over the men's competition. NCAA Week 8 Headlines Standing full alert! An update on the 10s record chase, and we answer the question: Why does Jade Carey have nine 10s while Jordan Chiles has four? Oklahoma set a program record and an all-time NQS record this week Dear the equipment, um...are you OK? Feedback on SABOTAGE and the importance of HBCUs in gymnastics We had a rare, mythic 10.000/9.800 judges split this week, so we go CORRECT OR CORRUPT Check out the NQS Tracker here. JOIN CLUB GYM NERD Join Club Gym Nerd (or give it as a gift!) for access to weekly Behind the Scenes episodes. Club Gym Nerd members can watch the podcast being recorded and see some of the gymnastics we discuss, plus get access to all of our exclusive interviews and Behind The Scenes episodes. Week One of College & Cocktails: The Friday Night NCAA Gymnastics Post-Meet Show is available to sample (even if you aren't a Club Gym Nerd member yet). Watch or listen here. Buy our awesome clothing and gifts here. We have a Ukraine Fundraiser design, all proceeds go to the CARE Ukraine Crisis fund. RELATED EPISODES & RESOURCES With the Intensity of a Raisman To Score the Impossible Score College & Cocktails: Minnesota vs Michigan 10-A-PALOOZA College & Cocktails: UCLA at Utah What Happens in the Air, Stays in the Air NCAA Gymnastics with Vanessa Atler Project K Episode 2 Project K Episode 1 Gymnastics History and Code of Points Archive from Uncle Tim

BONUS CONTENT Week One of College & Cocktails: The Friday Night NCAA Gymnastics Post-Meet Show is available to sample (even if you aren't a Club Gym Nerd member yet). Watch or listen here. Club Gym Nerd members can watch the video version of the show, join us for live podcasts once a week, get extended and early releases of interviews, and have early access to live show tickets. Please login to your Club Gym Nerd account to listen and/or watch this episode. Not a member? Join here. Vanessa Atler is Here! We get her honest takes on what skills are actually pretty easy, what skills...don't look the best, and what skills have impressed her so far this NCAA season: from front aerials to 2 feet, to back handspring fulls, to gainers, and yes...bars elements. Would she teach someone her old floor routines if they wanted to do a tribute? (Do itttttttt) The GymCastic NCAA Team Matchmaking Service: We use our scientifically patented, NASA-tested, 8-tier system to match Vanessa to her perfect NCAA team The News We discuss Ellie Downie's retirement, how many bone chips is too many bone chips, the newest chapter in the storied tale of Jordan Chiles beam covers, and Madi Dagen understanding the assignment Plus, NCAA gymnastics having its quarter-season crisis, a dive deep into what actually counts as a stick, and whether what happens out of bounds stays out of bounds All the gymternet news on Livvy Dunne, Bailey Ferrer, and Li Li's response to the USAG host city controversy JOIN CLUB GYM NERD Join Club Gym Nerd (or give it as a gift!) for access to weekly Behind the Scenes episodes. Club Gym Nerd members can watch the podcast being recorded and see some of the gymnastics we discuss, plus get access to all of our exclusive interviews and Behind The Scenes episodes. Buy our awesome clothing and gifts here. We have a Ukraine Fundraiser design, all proceeds go to the CARE Ukraine Crisis fund. RELATED EPISODES & RESOURCES Vanessa Atler TikTok , Instagram  Olivia (Livvy) Dunne interview Heath Thorpe floor video Can You Count to 3? College & Cocktails: Arkansas at Auburn College & Cocktails: Dial 1-800-Kazakhstan College Gymnastics Is Back College & Cocktails: Auburn at Florida Project K Episode 2 Project K Episode 1 Sitting in Pits Made of Mattresses Gymnastics History and Code of Points Archive from Uncle Tim  

Liverpool World Championships 2022 Women's Qualification Day Two Italy, Brazil, China, British, France, Netherlands, Japan, S. Korea, Hungary, competed for spots in finals. The beam witch was in full effect and there were some scary moments on vault. We'll discuss it all! Join us live at 11:50pm-ish local time. LIVERPOOL LIVE SHOW TICKETS ON SALE NOW Join Us Live Club Gym Nerd members can ask questions live, watch the podcast being recorded, see the gymnastics we discuss, plus get access to all of our exclusive interviews and Behind The Scenes episodes. Here's how to ask questions live.[wcm_nonmember] Please login to your Club Gym Nerd account to listen and/or watch this episode. Not a member? Join here.[/wcm_nonmember] [wcm_restrict] Add the Club Gym Nerd members-only feed to your favorite podcast player HERE [embedyt]https://youtu.be/YIYYQJqbPhk[/embedyt] If you aren't sure about attending one of our live shows (in person or virtually), check out our show with Vanessa Atler here[/wcm_restrict] JOIN CLUB GYM NERD World Championships Viewer's Guide Join Club Gym Nerd (or give it as a gift!) for access to weekly Behind the Scenes episodes. Buy our awesome clothing and gifts here. We have a Ukraine Fundraiser design, all proceeds go to the CARE Ukraine Crisis fund. RELATED EPISODES & RESOURCES Donate grips and tape for Ukrainian gymnasts Donate to family of NCAA coach in Ukraine To follow the effects of the Russian invasion to Ukraine at Gymnovosti Gymnastics History and Code of Points Archive from Uncle Tim 10th Anniversary Reunion Show Worlds Team Shake-up US Men's World Selection (Day 1) & World Cup Update Paris World Cup Review What the F Is Artistry? World Challenge Cups Are So In Right Now The World Championship Field Is Set MORE WAYS TO LISTEN HERE

LIVERPOOL LIVE SHOW TICKETS ON SALE NOW Podium Training Day Two Everything that happened at the second day of women's podium training from Brazil China, Japan, to new baby German team, plus the British and Italian superstars. JOIN CLUB GYM NERD World Championships Viewer's Guide Join Club Gym Nerd (or give it as a gift!) for access to weekly Behind the Scenes episodes. Buy our awesome clothing and gifts here. We have a Ukraine Fundraiser design, all proceeds go to the CARE Ukraine Crisis fund. RELATED EPISODES & RESOURCES Donate grips and tape for Ukrainian gymnasts Donate to family of NCAA coach in Ukraine To follow the effects of the Russian invasion to Ukraine at Gymnovosti Gymnastics History and Code of Points Archive from Uncle Tim 10th Anniversary Reunion Show Worlds Team Shake-up US Men's World Selection (Day 1) & World Cup Update Paris World Cup Review What the F Is Artistry? World Challenge Cups Are So In Right Now The World Championship Field Is Set MORE WAYS TO LISTEN HERE     Join Us Live Club Gym Nerd members can ask questions live, watch the podcast being recorded, see the gymnastics we discuss, plus get access to all of our exclusive interviews and Behind The Scenes episodes. Here's how to ask questions live.Please login to your Club Gym Nerd account to listen and/or watch this episode. Not a member? Join here.

  LIVERPOOL LIVE SHOW TICKETS ON SALE NOW Join Us Live Club Gym Nerd members can ask questions live, watch the podcast being recorded, see the gymnastics we discuss, plus get access to all of our exclusive interviews and Behind The Scenes episodes. Here's how to ask questions live.Please login to your Club Gym Nerd account to listen and/or watch this episode. Not a member? Join here. Liverpool World Championships 2022 Podium Training Day One Everything that happened in training and podium training from Rebeca Andrade to Leanne Wong, from Shilese Jones to Hashimoto Daiki. JOIN CLUB GYM NERD World Championships Viewer's Guide Join Club Gym Nerd (or give it as a gift!) for access to weekly Behind the Scenes episodes. Buy our awesome clothing and gifts here. We have a Ukraine Fundraiser design, all proceeds go to the CARE Ukraine Crisis fund. RELATED EPISODES & RESOURCES Donate grips and tape for Ukrainian gymnasts Donate to family of NCAA coach in Ukraine To follow the effects of the Russian invasion to Ukraine at Gymnovosti Gymnastics History and Code of Points Archive from Uncle Tim 10th Anniversary Reunion Show Worlds Team Shake-up US Men's World Selection (Day 1) & World Cup Update Paris World Cup Review What the F Is Artistry? World Challenge Cups Are So In Right Now The World Championship Field Is Set MORE WAYS TO LISTEN HERE

LIVERPOOL LIVE SHOW TICKETS ON SALE NOW World Championships Preview We discuss the women's and men's A-List celebrities of worlds whom we expect to come home with the most medals, from Rebeca Andrade to Zhang Boheng, from Shilese Jones to Hashimoto Daiki. Going out on a limb for the new breakout stars of worlds, the ones we haven't been talking about...until now. We pick the one athlete who NEEDS THIS, whose talent and gymnastics integrity warrants finally breaking through for a medal at this year's world championship. Women's team: Do the injuries on Italy's team change the worlds medal picture? Men's team: Is this the US men's best chance for a team medal? Women's all-around: Can anyone stop Andrade? Men's all-around: The Zhang/Hashimoto rivalry is only just beginning Events: Why uneven bars is going to be the hardest gold medal to win, why beam provides the best chance for an unknown medalist, and why this is the age of parallel bars JOIN CLUB GYM NERD Viewer's Guide Join Club Gym Nerd (or give it as a gift!) for access to weekly Behind the Scenes episodes. Buy our awesome clothing and gifts here. We have a Ukraine Fundraiser design, all proceeds go to the CARE Ukraine Crisis fund. RELATED EPISODES & RESOURCES Donate grips and tape for Ukrainian gymnasts Donate to family of NCAA coach in Ukraine To follow the effects of the Russian invasion to Ukraine at Gymnovosti Gymnastics History and Code of Points Archive from Uncle Tim 10th Anniversary Reunion Show Worlds Team Shake-up US Men's World Selection (Day 1) & World Cup Update Paris World Cup Review What the F Is Artistry? World Challenge Cups Are So In Right Now The World Championship Field Is Set MORE WAYS TO LISTEN HERE

  Welcome to Our 10 Year Reunion! Reunion host, Even Heiter brings the original four OG GymCastic hosts, Blythe Lawrence, Spanny Tampson, Uncle Tim, Jessica O'Beirne  with the current hosts, Kensley and Spencer together for a look back at what we've accomplished, milestones, your favorite moments and how it all started.   LIVERPOOL LIVE SHOW TICKETS ON SALE NOW Listen or watch our live recording of the reunion below for Club Gym Nerd members. Here's how to ask questions live. Please login to your Club Gym Nerd account to listen and/or watch this episode. Not a member? Join here. RELATED EPISODES  Pumpernickel Rose  Bart and The Case of The Wandering Nut The most watched Pommel Horse video of all time Marta as the Babadook It's Just a Buckeye Leaf Things You Only Know If You Are A Gymnast Pommel Hor 100th Episode Vainglorious irrelevant personal lives of the GymCastic hosts Behind The Scenes: Solve For China Was Robbed Behind The Scenes: The Garrison is Back  Behind The Scenes: Liverpool Reveal  Behind The Scenes: Pre Paris RELATED LINKS Ode to Produnova by BestDarnGymnastics.com Gymnastics History and Code of Points Archive from Uncle Tim The Great Gymnastics Quiz from Blythe Lawrence & Ollie Hogben Fierce by Aly Raisman and Blythe Lawrence Spanny's Big Fake Smile Spanny's YouTube Channel MORE WAYS TO LISTEN HERE

MYTHBUSTERS Today, Uncle Tim makes his triumphant return to the podcast to deliver a cornucopia of busted myths and preposterous facts that he has uncovered during research for gymnastics-history.com, including: Why was the Sydney vault too low? We finally know! The (less exciting) real story of Vera Caslavska, Larisa Petrik, and the 1968 floor final A 1968 beam protest A men's judging fight! Plus, Jessica and Spencer go head-to-head in a gymnastics history True/False quiz JOIN CLUB GYM NERD Join Club Gym Nerd (or give it as a gift!) for access to Behind the Scenes episodes. Buy our awesome clothing and gifts here. We have a Ukraine Fundraiser design, all proceeds go to the CARE Ukraine Crisis fund. RELATED EPISODES & RESOURCES Donate grips and tape for Ukrainian gymnasts Donate to family of Alabama volunteer assistant coach in Ukraine To follow the effects of the Russian invasion to Ukraine on gymnastics, go to Gymnovosti Athletistry GYMKATA Myths, Legends, and Unexpected Moments Part 1 Myths, Legends, and Unexpected Moments Part 2 The Leotard Episode: Part Deux NCAA Championships

Rayne Verlaine joins The Steebee Weebee Show for the 3rd time!! We talk about: the "possible flooding" in Steebee's bathroom, Incompetent Landlords, Galvanized Piping: pipes installed in homes built before 1960. regaining inspiration to write & make music, "Squatters" in our neighborhood, Modest Mouse's-The Lonesome Crowded West, her future folk/country inspired album, her learning how to record music on the program: Presonus: Studio One, going to live MMA events, Rayne's fascination with the reality show- Love After Lockup, my discovery of the podcast: Sword and Scale, future collaborations with Thom Yorke , and much more !!!!Go to: https://www.youtube.com/steebeeweebee to watch. More: Rayne https://www.instagram.com/rayneverlaine Scissor Bros YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/scissorbros ** Now on iTunes:  https://goo.gl/CdSwyV ** Subscribe: https://goo.gl/d239PO Little Ray promises a Karma Boost if you join our Patreon: https://goo.gl/aiOi7J Or, click here for a one time Karma Boost. https://www.paypal.me/steebeeweebeeshow/2 More Steven: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/quangou Bandcamp: https://steebeeweebee.bandcamp.com/ Itunes: https://goo.gl/PSooa0 WEBSITE: https://www.steebeeweebeeshow.com Send stuff to: 1425 N. Cherokee Ave P.O. 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Wildhack,Jess R.,Aaron Koback,Dominic Arcand,Daniel,Xavier Silva,Nicole S.,Gillian Cortes,Kayla Pam,Alyssa,Kevin Chu,Worst Fireteam Ever,Austin Ward,Thomas,T. Gommans,Luis Espinoza,Stephan,Humen,Uncle Tim,Carlos Vasquez,Liam,Bryan Abe,Dominic Becketti,Peter Chavez,Sharon,therealafricangold,Alan Do,Alyssa Stamper,Andy Barr,Ryan Wentz,Stephen Cee,David Lee,James Buff,Hikori Tonosama,Brian Murray,Seamus Conroy,Jose Maldonado Jr.,Brenden,Vegar,Michael Jose,Amber Allen,Damion,Jn-Marie,Gil Flores,Long Xiong,Red X,Joel,Hailey Maxwell,Conor Goggin,Paul G,Oscar Silva,Mathew Pedersen,James Buff,Connor Goggin,Hailey Maxwell,Nicholas Braun,Andrew Hubbard,Damian Scarf,George B.,David Stevens,Dennis K. Lee,David,Angel Perez,Rubert-Bear,Dier,Edmund Chen,Richard Ramirez,Brian Wolfman,Scrotum Philips,Scotty two-Socks,Philip Johnson,Alberto Neri,Damio Lo,Andrew Sension,Ben Atchison,Collin,Pascual,Zach West,Stefan S.,Voistern Comedy,Azeem Ali,Stephen Brandsgard,Lisa Yoon,Collin Pedersen,Lucky Pack,Daniel Allinson,and Carlos lepe-Andrade,Zachary Albright,Jaime Sores,Mark Anthony,Scott Murray,Chris Kizi,Carlos Lepe-Andrade,Tony Adame,Hotpickledsoul,Krystal,Eddy,Steven Tesarek,Asoula Maika,Kevin Gil,Benny B,Lee Kizi,HoboSocks,Wayman,Cody Abel,Pat Libby,Heath Pleasure,Yolo Swaggins,Alan Hermano,Francisco Lopez Pantoja,Spike Right,Haley Samsel,Wabilah Al Falah,DaltonREInvestor,Andrew,Zach Durling,Michael Patrick Rogers,Austin,Marty Cooper,Michael Ryan,Kyle Field,Dylan Arviso,MCLARK33,Sheila Gurung,Alex Couture,Chris Gatterson,Mike Moffet,Jordi Wu,Chris,Carmen B. Lily Hernandez,LaLa,Mike Roi,Bryan,Andrew Lincoln,Benny P.,Tenno xx,Joshua Titus,Ben S.,Sam,Asa Henry,Andrew Sension,JellyBonesss,Jordan Kenny,Hector Colon,Fan Huang,Eric Lezama,Dalton Weinstock,Bri Travis,Mary Ann Mendez,Kermit Mahones,David,PerroVieho,Jorgen,Jordan Shekelstein,Tom,First Studio,KreshHanzo,allsoofusdo,Conor Doherty,Jordan Nelson,Jason Busch,Andy Fanny,Randal Simone,Nicolai Linde,Victor Amauri,Jennifer Ly,Viniiii,David Cho,Andy Parent,Janeal Carter,Scientific Woman,Andrew Lomavaya,Ewan,Preston,Mitzqutab,KOL,Claire Taylor,Jeff,Stacy Patriarca,Petey 1001,Justin Humphreys,Keith T.,Dr. Daystrom,Ryan Prichard,Cynic_._,Adam Kuhn,Nina,Effin Coyote,Caleb Mcleod,Daniel Khon,Kai Borich,Michael Ryan,Jake,Jackson,Daniel Neves,Lewis Gillott,Sean Dawson,Dave Matsick,Sweet Cool Breeze,Jack Learoyd,Isaiah Kilby,Marco Flores,Jesus Magana,David Houghton,Cordelia Devoe,Mehole Evans,Jordan Bernstein,Gil Reyes,Kirt(KornFuengFoo),Nils Figueroa,Alex Diolas,Wallace Walston,Charles Lee,Wodchyl Ricardo Mercier,Pedro Valenzuela,Christopher Lee,Alex Rabjohns,Brian,Joe Tresnak,Alex Imig,7o,Ross F,7o,Lisa Trujillo,Amanda Charlwood,John Rehill,Mel.K.,Justus Vairin,Jsun Mabry,David Komie,Scott Powell,poorboydripp,Ross Meek,Sean Dawson,Omar Delgadillo,Smugla,Wilson Mclain,Luckless,Michael Owens,Audrey,Riyan Khan,Rob Uhrig,Tony Culper,List,Louis Clifford,Eric Aistrup,Smartha Chadha,Gilbert Marquez,James Briscoe,Coreylee Davies,Mathew Caylor,SKT90,Kavon Badie,Mathew Hamilton,Diogenes,Freddie De Leon,Mitch Johnson,Andrew Figueroa,Normak,Charlie Lewis,Tetsunori Ishida,Bryan,Michael Chu,Mat Voltron,Kaiya Nikaido,Issac Gonzales,Denis Doucette,Carmen,Carlito Lilly,Keith Garcia,Jude Doyle,Nicky2Times,Cameron Beasley,Alex Rayray,Kamal Chowdhury,Audrey Curran,Mathew Tsipouroglou,Derry,Tanner McEathron,Brianna Johnson,Ryan,Elijah Eastlund,Derek Diemer,Bruce Banner,Jagdeep Sandhu,Akatsuki Salgado,Elric Deeter,Donna-Lee Lewis,Jason Lai,BanjoDave,Will Walawala,Jatin Batra,Benji Whitmore,Carlos Ivan Marquez,EBONY E BERRY,Michael Shimono,Hannah Engstrom,Nataly Martinez,Carley Sarah Atwood,Benjamin Lipps,David Chao,Noah,Anthony Sanchez,Johnathan Delgado,P,Craig Entesano,Deven Archer,Jordy Moix,Deven Archer,Clayton Domion,Aaron,Rob Jacks,Victor Viega,Omar Montoya,VHS VIC, Jennifer Janicek,Ryan Hardin,David Radtke,Gordon Stone,Casey Butler,C asey,Cyn Gabriela,SmokeyYzFlipFlop82,Joseph Sosa Johns,Nathan Leal,Joshua Stenner,Marlyce Balliet,ski,apple wop vol,Adam Ruff,Patrick Moon,Adam Roysdon,Brandon Fankell,Wesley Van Rooij,Allen Oak....

BAD FRIEND'S RUDY joins The Steebee Weebee show for the 1st time!! We talk about: the Japanese animated series-Attack on Titan, the Nefflix series-Naruto, her thoughts on returning back to visit the Philippines, what it's like living with Bobby, Steve's and Bobby's "Nocturnal Sleep Schedules", her description of each of the dog's living at their house, JULIO-the "Temperamental Dog", Bobby's new Air Fryer, out thoughts on the new movie-The Batman, my brother making her watch-Magnolia and The Matrix, her experiences on the podcast-BAD FRIENDS, Steve's college advice , and much more !!!!Go to: https://www.youtube.com/steebeeweebee to watch. Get 20% off plus free shipping at manscaped.com with code: STEEBEE More: Rudy https://www.instagram.com/badfriendrudy Scissor Bros YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/scissorbros ** Now on iTunes:  https://goo.gl/CdSwyV ** Subscribe: https://goo.gl/d239PO Little Ray promises a Karma Boost if you join our Patreon: https://goo.gl/aiOi7J Or, click here for a one time Karma Boost. https://www.paypal.me/steebeeweebeeshow/2 More Steven: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/quangou Bandcamp: https://steebeeweebee.bandcamp.com/ Itunes: https://goo.gl/PSooa0 WEBSITE: https://www.steebeeweebeeshow.com Send stuff to: 1425 N. Cherokee Ave P.O. Box 1391 Los Angeles, CA 90093 Big thanks to our Patrons: Michael Keski-Pukkila, Dan Catacutan, David Jang, Joseph Lee, Keaton Smith, R Kwak, Nathaniel9one6, Jkyc, Bananasteve.cosplay, nathan costa, Toni Gallardo, Johnny De La Cruz, Dan Irwin, Casey Spindler, Frank, Chodezilla, Sean moreland, Jenny McGhee, Cole, William Robideau, dimtr0, Cameron Smith, Darren Newton, Paul An, Matthias Scholl Rodriguez, Owen Allan, Kyle Webb, Chikako Kanazawa, Tyrone WIlliams, Hana Villar, PIKACHU408, Marion Sassy, Tania Esquer,Timothy Dueno,Mandy,Mike Garcia,Zahedi Guerra,Keanu Maui Gevero,Noels Benzie,Noah Farris,Mona McCune,Deandre Calif,Peta Kirkikiri,Clark McKenzie,Ted Padullo,Troy Garnett,Joe Corall,Tachikoma Rage,Joe Kim,Lenny Guanco,Marco Cid,Richard Meyer,Jake Outrage,Lennert Den Besten,Carisa,Casey Long Bine,Luis Labriola,Marvick Garcia-Ortiz,Ethan Tso,Stefan Bullzing,Paul 88 Pawn,Mary Ann Krail,Lucas Sallee,Shane A,Jordan,Sung Campbell,Michael Collins,Alexander Batsvik,Randall Corcio Jr.,Easy,Kasey Lopez,M. Wildhack,Jess R.,Aaron Koback,Dominic Arcand,Daniel,Xavier Silva,Nicole S.,Gillian Cortes,Kayla Pam,Alyssa,Kevin Chu,Worst Fireteam Ever,Austin Ward,Thomas,T. Gommans,Luis Espinoza,Stephan,Humen,Uncle Tim,Carlos Vasquez,Liam,Bryan Abe,Dominic Becketti,Peter Chavez,Sharon,therealafricangold,Alan Do,Alyssa Stamper,Andy Barr,Ryan Wentz,Stephen Cee,David Lee,James Buff,Hikori Tonosama,Brian Murray,Seamus Conroy,Jose Maldonado Jr.,Brenden,Vegar,Michael Jose,Amber Allen,Damion,Jn-Marie,Gil Flores,Long Xiong,Red X,Joel,Hailey Maxwell,Conor Goggin,Paul G,Oscar Silva,Mathew Pedersen,James Buff,Connor Goggin,Hailey Maxwell,Nicholas Braun,Andrew Hubbard,Damian Scarf,George B.,David Stevens,Dennis K. Lee,David,Angel Perez,Rubert-Bear,Dier,Edmund Chen,Richard Ramirez,Brian Wolfman,Scrotum Philips,Scotty two-Socks,Philip Johnson,Alberto Neri,Damio Lo,Andrew Sension,Ben Atchison,Collin,Pascual,Zach West,Stefan S.,Voistern Comedy,Azeem Ali,Stephen Brandsgard,Lisa Yoon,Collin Pedersen,Lucky Pack,Daniel Allinson,and Carlos lepe-Andrade,Zachary Albright,Jaime Sores,Mark Anthony,Scott Murray,Chris Kizi,Carlos Lepe-Andrade,Tony Adame,Hotpickledsoul,Krystal,Eddy,Steven Tesarek,Asoula Maika,Kevin Gil,Benny B,Lee Kizi,HoboSocks,Wayman,Cody Abel,Pat Libby,Heath Pleasure,Yolo Swaggins,Alan Hermano,Francisco Lopez Pantoja,Spike Right,Haley Samsel,Wabilah Al Falah,DaltonREInvestor,Andrew,Zach Durling,Michael Patrick Rogers,Austin,Marty Cooper,Michael Ryan,Kyle Field,Dylan Arviso,MCLARK33,Sheila Gurung,Alex Couture,Chris Gatterson,Mike Moffet,Jordi Wu,Chris,Carmen B. Lily Hernandez,LaLa,Mike Roi,Bryan,Andrew Lincoln,Benny P.,Tenno xx,Joshua Titus,Ben S.,Sam,Asa Henry,Andrew Sension,JellyBonesss,Jordan Kenny,Hector Colon,Fan Huang,Eric Lezama,Dalton Weinstock,Bri Travis,Mary Ann Mendez,Kermit Mahones,David,PerroVieho,Jorgen,Jordan Shekelstein,Tom,First Studio,KreshHanzo,allsoofusdo,Conor Doherty,Jordan Nelson,Jason Busch,Andy Fanny,Randal Simone,Nicolai Linde,Victor Amauri,Jennifer Ly,Viniiii,David Cho,Andy Parent,Janeal Carter,Scientific Woman,Andrew Lomavaya,Ewan,Preston,Mitzqutab,KOL,Claire Taylor,Jeff,Stacy Patriarca,Petey 1001,Justin Humphreys,Keith T.,Dr. Daystrom,Ryan Prichard,Cynic_._,Adam Kuhn,Nina,Effin Coyote,Caleb Mcleod,Daniel Khon,Kai Borich,Michael Ryan,Jake,Jackson,Daniel Neves,Lewis Gillott,Sean Dawson,Dave Matsick,Sweet Cool Breeze,Jack Learoyd,Isaiah Kilby,Marco Flores,Jesus Magana,David Houghton,Cordelia Devoe,Mehole Evans,Jordan Bernstein,Gil Reyes,Kirt(KornFuengFoo),Nils Figueroa,Alex Diolas,Wallace Walston,Charles Lee,Wodchyl Ricardo Mercier,Pedro Valenzuela,Christopher Lee,Alex Rabjohns,Brian,Joe Tresnak,Alex Imig,7o,Ross F,7o,Lisa Trujillo,Amanda Charlwood,John Rehill,Mel.K.,Justus Vairin,Jsun Mabry,David Komie,Scott Powell,poorboydripp,Ross Meek,Sean Dawson,Omar Delgadillo,Smugla,Wilson Mclain,Luckless,Michael Owens,Audrey,Riyan Khan,Rob Uhrig,Tony Culper,List,Louis Clifford,Eric Aistrup,Smartha Chadha,Gilbert Marquez,James Briscoe,Coreylee Davies,Mathew Caylor,SKT90,Kavon Badie,Mathew Hamilton,Diogenes,Freddie De Leon,Mitch Johnson,Andrew Figueroa,Normak,Charlie Lewis,Tetsunori Ishida,Bryan,Michael Chu,Mat Voltron,Kaiya Nikaido,Issac Gonzales,Denis Doucette,Carmen,Carlito Lilly,Keith Garcia,Jude Doyle,Nicky2Times,Cameron Beasley,Alex Rayray,Kamal Chowdhury,Audrey Curran,Mathew Tsipouroglou,Derry,Tanner McEathron,Brianna Johnson,Ryan,Elijah Eastlund,Derek Diemer,Bruce Banner,Jagdeep Sandhu,Akatsuki Salgado,Elric Deeter,Donna-Lee Lewis,Jason Lai,BanjoDave,Will Walawala,Jatin Batra,Benji Whitmore,Carlos Ivan Marquez,EBONY E BERRY,Michael Shimono,Hannah Engstrom,Nataly Martinez,Carley Sarah Atwood,Benjamin Lipps,David Chao,Noah,Anthony Sanchez,Johnathan Delgado,P,Craig Entesano,Deven Archer,Jordy Moix,Deven Archer,Clayton Domion,Aaron,Rob Jacks,Victor Viega,Omar Montoya,VHS VIC, Jennifer Janicek,Ryan Hardin,David Radtke,Gordon Stone,Casey Butler,C asey,Cyn Gabriela,SmokeyYzFlipFlop82,Joseph Sosa Johns,Nathan Leal,Joshua Stenner,Marlyce Balliet,ski,apple wop vol,Adam Ruff,Patrick Moon,Adam Roysdon,Brandon Fankell...

Toby Morse joins The Steebee Weebee show for the 1st time!! We talk about: how he met Shapel Lacey, him being in NYC in the early 90's, discovering Wu Tang Clan by getting the-Protect Ya' Neck cassette tape, finding parallels of skateboarding, hip hop, and punk, classic east coast groups from Black Moon to De La Soul, him discovering Minor Threat at 13 years old, the responsibilities of a Roadie, how he formed the punk band-H2O, my obsession with DICKIES pants, his experience meeting Tupac Shakur, the Kanye West Netflix Documentary-Jeen-Yuhs, Toby's beautiful "Gold Teeth", his podcast-One Life One Chance , and much more !!!!Go to: https://www.youtube.com/steebeeweebee to watch. More: Toby https://www.instagram.com/tobymorse Scissor Bros YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/scissorbros ** Now on iTunes:  https://goo.gl/CdSwyV ** Subscribe: https://goo.gl/d239PO Little Ray promises a Karma Boost if you join our Patreon: https://goo.gl/aiOi7J Or, click here for a one time Karma Boost. https://www.paypal.me/steebeeweebeeshow/2 More Steven: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/quangou Bandcamp: https://steebeeweebee.bandcamp.com/ Itunes: https://goo.gl/PSooa0 WEBSITE: https://www.steebeeweebeeshow.com Send stuff to: 1425 N. Cherokee Ave P.O. Box 1391 Los Angeles, CA 90093 Big thanks to our Patrons: Michael Keski-Pukkila, Dan Catacutan, David Jang, Joseph Lee, Keaton Smith, R Kwak, Nathaniel9one6, Jkyc, Bananasteve.cosplay, nathan costa, Toni Gallardo, Johnny De La Cruz, Dan Irwin, Casey Spindler, Frank, Chodezilla, Sean moreland, Jenny McGhee, Cole, William Robideau, dimtr0, Cameron Smith, Darren Newton, Paul An, Matthias Scholl Rodriguez, Owen Allan, Kyle Webb, Chikako Kanazawa, Tyrone WIlliams, Hana Villar, PIKACHU408, Marion Sassy, Tania Esquer,Timothy Dueno,Mandy,Mike Garcia,Zahedi Guerra,Keanu Maui Gevero,Noels Benzie,Noah Farris,Mona McCune,Deandre Calif,Peta Kirkikiri,Clark McKenzie,Ted Padullo,Troy Garnett,Joe Corall,Tachikoma Rage,Joe Kim,Lenny Guanco,Marco Cid,Richard Meyer,Jake Outrage,Lennert Den Besten,Carisa,Casey Long Bine,Luis Labriola,Marvick Garcia-Ortiz,Ethan Tso,Stefan Bullzing,Paul 88 Pawn,Mary Ann Krail,Lucas Sallee,Shane A,Jordan,Sung Campbell,Michael Collins,Alexander Batsvik,Randall Corcio Jr.,Easy,Kasey Lopez,M. Wildhack,Jess R.,Aaron Koback,Dominic Arcand,Daniel,Xavier Silva,Nicole S.,Gillian Cortes,Kayla Pam,Alyssa,Kevin Chu,Worst Fireteam Ever,Austin Ward,Thomas,T. Gommans,Luis Espinoza,Stephan,Humen,Uncle Tim,Carlos Vasquez,Liam,Bryan Abe,Dominic Becketti,Peter Chavez,Sharon,therealafricangold,Alan Do,Alyssa Stamper,Andy Barr,Ryan Wentz,Stephen Cee,David Lee,James Buff,Hikori Tonosama,Brian Murray,Seamus Conroy,Jose Maldonado Jr.,Brenden,Vegar,Michael Jose,Amber Allen,Damion,Jn-Marie,Gil Flores,Long Xiong,Red X,Joel,Hailey Maxwell,Conor Goggin,Paul G,Oscar Silva,Mathew Pedersen,James Buff,Connor Goggin,Hailey Maxwell,Nicholas Braun,Andrew Hubbard,Damian Scarf,George B.,David Stevens,Dennis K. Lee,David,Angel Perez,Rubert-Bear,Dier,Edmund Chen,Richard Ramirez,Brian Wolfman,Scrotum Philips,Scotty two-Socks,Philip Johnson,Alberto Neri,Damio Lo,Andrew Sension,Ben Atchison,Collin,Pascual,Zach West,Stefan S.,Voistern Comedy,Azeem Ali,Stephen Brandsgard,Lisa Yoon,Collin Pedersen,Lucky Pack,Daniel Allinson,and Carlos lepe-Andrade,Zachary Albright,Jaime Sores,Mark Anthony,Scott Murray,Chris Kizi,Carlos Lepe-Andrade,Tony Adame,Hotpickledsoul,Krystal,Eddy,Steven Tesarek,Asoula Maika,Kevin Gil,Benny B,Lee Kizi,HoboSocks,Wayman,Cody Abel,Pat Libby,Heath Pleasure,Yolo Swaggins,Alan Hermano,Francisco Lopez Pantoja,Spike Right,Haley Samsel,Wabilah Al Falah,DaltonREInvestor,Andrew,Zach Durling,Michael Patrick Rogers,Austin,Marty Cooper,Michael Ryan,Kyle Field,Dylan Arviso,MCLARK33,Sheila Gurung,Alex Couture,Chris Gatterson,Mike Moffet,Jordi Wu,Chris,Carmen B. Lily Hernandez,LaLa,Mike Roi,Bryan,Andrew Lincoln,Benny P.,Tenno xx,Joshua Titus,Ben S.,Sam,Asa Henry,Andrew Sension,JellyBonesss,Jordan Kenny,Hector Colon,Fan Huang,Eric Lezama,Dalton Weinstock,Bri Travis,Mary Ann Mendez,Kermit Mahones,David,PerroVieho,Jorgen,Jordan Shekelstein,Tom,First Studio,KreshHanzo,allsoofusdo,Conor Doherty,Jordan Nelson,Jason Busch,Andy Fanny,Randal Simone,Nicolai Linde,Victor Amauri,Jennifer Ly,Viniiii,David Cho,Andy Parent,Janeal Carter,Scientific Woman,Andrew Lomavaya,Ewan,Preston,Mitzqutab,KOL,Claire Taylor,Jeff,Stacy Patriarca,Petey 1001,Justin Humphreys,Keith T.,Dr. Daystrom,Ryan Prichard,Cynic_._,Adam Kuhn,Nina,Effin Coyote,Caleb Mcleod,Daniel Khon,Kai Borich,Michael Ryan,Jake,Jackson,Daniel Neves,Lewis Gillott,Sean Dawson,Dave Matsick,Sweet Cool Breeze,Jack Learoyd,Isaiah Kilby,Marco Flores,Jesus Magana,David Houghton,Cordelia Devoe,Mehole Evans,Jordan Bernstein,Gil Reyes,Kirt(KornFuengFoo),Nils Figueroa,Alex Diolas,Wallace Walston,Charles Lee,Wodchyl Ricardo Mercier,Pedro Valenzuela,Christopher Lee,Alex Rabjohns,Brian,Joe Tresnak,Alex Imig,7o,Ross F,7o,Lisa Trujillo,Amanda Charlwood,John Rehill,Mel.K.,Justus Vairin,Jsun Mabry,David Komie,Scott Powell,poorboydripp,Ross Meek,Sean Dawson,Omar Delgadillo,Smugla,Wilson Mclain,Luckless,Michael Owens,Audrey,Riyan Khan,Rob Uhrig,Tony Culper,List,Louis Clifford,Eric Aistrup,Smartha Chadha,Gilbert Marquez,James Briscoe,Coreylee Davies,Mathew Caylor,SKT90,Kavon Badie,Mathew Hamilton,Diogenes,Freddie De Leon,Mitch Johnson,Andrew Figueroa,Normak,Charlie Lewis,Tetsunori Ishida,Bryan,Michael Chu,Mat Voltron,Kaiya Nikaido,Issac Gonzales,Denis Doucette,Carmen,Carlito Lilly,Keith Garcia,Jude Doyle,Nicky2Times,Cameron Beasley,Alex Rayray,Kamal Chowdhury,Audrey Curran,Mathew Tsipouroglou,Derry,Tanner McEathron,Brianna Johnson,Ryan,Elijah Eastlund,Derek Diemer,Bruce Banner,Jagdeep Sandhu,Akatsuki Salgado,Elric Deeter,Donna-Lee Lewis,Jason Lai,BanjoDave,Will Walawala,Jatin Batra,Benji Whitmore,Carlos Ivan Marquez,EBONY E BERRY,Michael Shimono,Hannah Engstrom,Nataly Martinez,Carley Sarah Atwood,Benjamin Lipps,David Chao,Noah,Anthony Sanchez,Johnathan Delgado,P,Craig Entesano,Deven Archer,Jordy Moix,Deven Archer,Clayton Domion,Aaron,Rob Jacks,Victor Viega,Omar Montoya,VHS VIC, Jennifer Janicek,Ryan Hardin,David Radtke,Gordon Stone,Casey Butler,C asey,Cyn Gabriela,SmokeyYzFlipFlop82,Joseph Sosa Johns,Nathan Leal,Joshua Stenner,Marlyce Balliet,ski,apple wop vol,Adam Ruff,Patrick Moon,Adam Roysdon,Brandon Fankell...

Neil Giraldo was born in 1955 in Cleveland, Ohio. Immersed in the culture of his beloved Sicilian ancestry, his parents Anthony and Angela Giraldo instilled the love of music at a young age, giving Neil his first guitar at the age of six, with the hopes that he and his sister, Priscilla, who played the accordion, could entertain family and friends with songs from the old country after church on Sundays. As Neil got older, his mentor, Uncle Tim, introduced him to revolutionary bands like The Yardbirds, The Kinks, The Rolling Stones, and all the other great guitar-driven rock ‘n' roll bands of the 1960s. Finding new and innovative ways to shadow path his way into songs, Neil developed a discipline early on of not just playing along to his favorite artists but creating different parts for himself within those tracks. At the same time, the budding guitar artist also became proficient on piano by continuously practicing along to Chuck Berry (Johnnie Johnson), Fats Domino and Jerry Lee Lewis records. His interest in percussion instruments soon followed, practicing the drums to Simon & Garfunkel albums he explored how different rhythms could alter the complexion of songs. These practices and disciplines created the foundation for his future success as an innovative record producer and musician. Giraldo began his professional career in 1978 as a key member of the Rick Derringer band after competing against 200 other guitarists for the position. It wasn't long before Rick discovered Giraldo's piano playing prowess and quickly put those skills to work in the studio for the recording Guitars and Women. In the spring of 1979, Mike Chapman introduced Giraldo to an up-and-coming singer named Pat Benatar who had recently signed to Chrysalis Records. While impressed with the young vocalist, Chapman felt she needed a musical partner who could facilitate the creation of a sound both identifiable and powerful. Over the years Neil has produced some of their biggest hits including “Love is a Battlefield” and “We Belong.” With a back catalog of more than 100 songs written and more than 45 million records sold, Giraldo has written, produced, arranged, and recorded for Pat Benatar, John Waite, Rick Springfield, Kenny Loggins, Steve Forbert, The Del Lords, Beth Hart, The Coors, and others, which include many Grammy-nominated and Grammy-winning hits. Today, Giraldo's career is as dynamic and diverse as ever. He is in the process of completing two books – one an autobiographical novel, one a motivational book on the psychology of creating. He is further expanding his Bel Chiasso entertainment company, which is developing a variety of television, film and Broadway theater projects. On May 16th 2016 Neil founded Three Chord Bourbon to celebrate creativity, community, and tradition by bringing together the award-winning musician and producer's love of whiskey and music with his passion for conversations with family and friends. Inspired by the simplicity yet infinite expressions of the three chord progression — the foundation of the blues — Neil collaborated with master blender and distiller, Ari Sussman, to bring together notes of a variety of bourbons and create a distinctive taste in whiskey that balances simplicity and complexity in perfect harmony. Neil has utilized this new platform to assist emerging musicians via Three Chord Musical Ambassador program. Learn more at ThreeChordBourbon.com Show Highlights: 05:40 – The origination of his company Three Chord Bourbon and specifically how the “Strange Collaboration” line was created. 09:05 – The power and necessity of integrity, intuition, & gratitude. Neil pays tribute to his father. 12:30 – How Neil got started playing music. Neil pays tribute to his mother and her value of discipline. Also, how he was introduced to Rock-n-Roll and how his cousin “Skeeter” influenced his guitar playing. 18:50 – How intuition & feel is the key to his playing and production styles; being present and how “over-thinking” destroys creativity.  Also a deep dive into how he values producing and dissecting songs. 26:30 – A deep dive on Neil's “percussive” style of playing guitar. 35:00 – Neil's mission & vison of Three Chord Bourbon. It's all about giving back to musicians and teaching them how to do the “business” side of music. 46:00 – How Neil has progressed as a husband, father, & leader.  Neil also talks about the power of extreme confidence that is coupled with humility and teachability. 53:00 – A discussion around limiting beliefs & self-doubt. Neil talks about the necessity of drive, tenacity, and confidence.  Neil also talks about how to use a “chip-on-your-shoulder” mentality in a positive way. 61:00 – Saying yes to the Universe, chance encounters, and the creation of his collaboration with Pat Benatar. This show is made possible by MetPro.  Invest in your health. Be the best version of yourself. Optimize your nutrition and fitness increases energy, creativity, and productivity.  Visit MetPro.co/dose to receive a free month of coaching.

Tim Scott crosses the line by saying America isn't racist, so the racist Left attacks him; Kamala Harris touts the Biden White House's 100-day record; and Joe Biden continues to promote useless mask theater.Check out Ben's brand new weekly series, Debunked. Leftist theories debunked in 15 minutes or less. Only on The Daily Wire: https://utm.io/uc9er  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices