The Unburdened Leader

We often hear the advice, “You just need to find your community.”It sounds simple. Hopeful, even. But it can ring hollow for anyone who has tried to do it, and for those in leadership roles where they carry the additional burdens of responsibility and visibility. And it's especially fraught advice for anyone who has experienced relational trauma.Because true community isn't something you stumble into. It has to be built, slowly and intentionally. And it's often uncomfortable and messy when we're healing from experiences where reaching for connection resulted in hurt and betrayal.But human beings are wired for connection. We long for it. And we're more disconnected from each other than ever.The remedy for our loneliness is in the slow, awkward, sacred work of showing up and staying, even through discomfort and disagreement. If we lay foundations of shared dignity and respect, we can build courageously honest relationships and community in those uncomfortable spaces. My guest today joins me to explore the intricate journey of building a true community, one that transcends buzzwords and embraces the courage to be vulnerable and honest, to disagree, repair, and stay genuinely connected.Charles Vogl is an adviser, speaker, and the author of three books, including the international bestseller The Art of Community.His work is used to advise and develop leadership and programs worldwide within organizations including Google, Airbnb, LinkedIn, Twitch, Amazon, ServiceNow, Meetup.com, Wayfair and the US Army.Charles holds an M.Div. from Yale, where he studied spiritual traditions, ethics, and business as a Jesse Ball duPont Foundation scholar.Listen to the full episode to hear:How a seemingly simple ritual of Friday dinners turned Charles's house into a community hubWhy investing in community building will always require some amount of intention and effortHow Charles's experiences working for social change shaped his skill for bringing people together around shared purpose and valuesThe difference between true community and what Charles calls “mirage communities”What holds leaders back from creating spaces where real relationships and community can be builtThe importance of “campfire experiences” for developing trust and admirationWhy we need to invite others in, not just announce our plans and hope they show upLearn more about Charles Vogl:WebsiteConnect on LinkedInThe Art of Community: 7 Principles for BelongingLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:The loneliest people (and places) in America, Andrew Van Dam | Washington PostMarissa KingCloud Cult - You'll Be Bright

Many things we once widely accepted as true and considered non-controversial galvanize intense debates.Leaders are often advised to stay neutral, to not get political when these issues come up in their organizations.Of course leaders should be mindful of what they discuss, how, and with whom. But that isn't the same as being apolitical or neutral. In fact, our collective discomfort with being political often has less to do with neutrality and more to do with avoiding discomfort or even silencing conversations outright.When leaders stifle discussions because they fear losing control, that's not neutrality, that's avoidance. And avoidance doesn't make a space safe; it makes it fragile.As leaders of teams from different backgrounds, lived experiences, and viewpoints, it is neither responsible nor possible to be truly neutral. But what we can do is create cultures of openness, generosity, and meaningful discussion. And in a time when science, health, food security, education, and mental well-being are being politicized, it's essential.In the second part of this series on science communication, my guest is an incredible leader, scientist, and science communicator. She shares critical reflections on what we can do to fight misinformation, regardless of our training and expertise.Jessica Steier, DrPH, PMP is a public health scientist, advocate, science communicator, and Co-Founder and CEO of Unbiased Science. She is driven by a mission to bridge divides and foster trust through empathetic, evidence-based communication. As the founder of the Unbiased Science podcast and newsletter, she is committed to breaking free from echo chambers and tackling health and science literacy with clarity and compassion. Dr. Steier specializes in evaluation science, leveraging data and storytelling to inform health policy and program improvement. Her work focuses on building connections, encouraging dialogue, and making complex scientific concepts accessible to diverse audiences. Listen to the full episode to hear:How pop understandings of science-related buzzwords make communication harderHow Jessica works to account for her own biases when creating contentWhy connection and empathy are key to beginning to break down misinformationHow connection without expertise, especially on social media, creates a flood of misinformationWhy we have to address the roots of people's mistrust of scientific institutionsHow Jessica and other science communicators are supporting each other through online abuseWhat to watch out for when influencers talk about health and wellnessThe real risks and impacts of some of the most common health misinformationLearn more about Dr. Jessica Steier:Unbiased ScienceUnbiased Science PodcastUnbiased Science NewsletterInstagram: @unbiasedscipodLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Politics, Andrew HeywoodThe Human Condition, Hannah ArendtMarking 50 Years in the Struggle for Democracy | Freedom HouseHow Democracies Die, Daniel Ziblatt , Steven Levitsky​​To combat misinformation, start with connection, not correctionBooster Shots: The Urgent Lessons of Measles and the Uncertain Future of Children's Health, Adam RatnerKendrick Lamar - Not Like UsFringeWeekend at Bernie'sDon't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

The issues at stake—our health, our rights, how we educate our kids—demand a lot from us. Yet, in today's attention economy, leaders don't always earn influence through integrity and truth. Instead, they master the art of capturing emotions, feeding fears, and speaking to lived experiences, often amplifying misinformation rather than challenging it.When leaders step into the fight against misinformation, they take on enormous risks and the consequences are very real, from open hostility to verbal abuse to death threats.Staying engaged in these difficult conversations requires more than just knowledge; it demands emotional regulation, capacity for conflict, and self-awareness. This is where unprocessed relational trauma can shape how a leader navigates conflict. But leaders who work through these wounds develop the ability to hold tension without collapsing or attacking. Developing this capacity for conflict is critical today. Because in an era when science is under siege, how we engage in conflict matters just as much as the facts themselves.In the first of two conversations with leaders who model how to engage with critics without feeding the outrage machine, today's guest shares his approach to tackling conflict and misinformation in science and health spaces, one where we engage with rigor and compassion without bending to the pressures of false equivalence. He understands that courage isn't about shouting the loudest; it's about staying grounded in your values, standing firm in the truth, and being authentic and creative in capturing much-coveted attention. Dr. Jonathan N. Stea is a full-time practicing clinical psychologist and an adjunct assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Calgary. He's a two-time winner of the University of Calgary's Award for Excellence in Clinical Supervision and co-editor of the book Investigating Clinical Psychology: Pseudoscience, Fringe Science, and Controversies. Dr. Stea has published extensively, with regular contributions to Scientific American and Psychology Today, among other outlets, and has appeared on numerous mainstream television and radio shows, as well as podcasts. His book, Mind the Science: Saving Your Mental Health from the Wellness Industry, aims to educate and embolden those who wish to make informed decisions about their mental health, to improve science and mental health literacy, and to pull back the curtain on the devastating consequences of allowing pseudoscience promoters to target the vulnerable within our society. Listen to the full episode to hear:How witnessing his mother's health struggles as a child shaped both Jonathan's career trajectory and his compassion for those who seek alternative treatmentsWhy testimonials and other anecdotal evidence are actually warning signs of pseudoscienceHow the placebo effect impacts our perception of the effectiveness of alternative curesHow not all grifters have malicious intent, though they can cause significant harmBreaking down common factors that make us susceptible to misinformationHow Jonathan has learned to cope with trolls and challenge pseudoscience with humorLearn more about Dr. Jonathan Stea:WebsiteX: @jonathansteaFacebook: @drjonathansteaInstagram: @dr_jonathan_steaThreads: @dr_jonathan_steaMind the Science NewsletterMind the Science: Saving Your Mental Health from the Wellness IndustryLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Judith Lewis HermanThe Developing Mind How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are, Daniel J. Siegel The Certainty Illusion, Timothy CaulfieldKyuss - Demon CleanerApple Cider VinegarSpaceballs

Given our political situation in the United States, you may be hearing a lot of people–myself included–talk about living your values. Not just professing them, but really living them, even when it's uncomfortable. It's hard work that requires a lot of internal fortitude.But we so often default to acting against our values in order to protect ourselves and those we love from real or perceived danger–to our jobs, our reputations, dignity, physical safety, and more. We try to protect ourselves with compliance, while our silence does real harm to others.Those who have a history of relational trauma are especially likely to fear speaking up, even as they know their values and moral expectations are being violated. This collision of relational trauma with moral injury reinforces beliefs that the world is unsafe and that people in power cannot be trusted.My guest today is a survivor of abuse and cultish communities. She leans on her experiences of relational trauma and moral injury in her writing, teaching, and advocacy. The ongoing healing of her relational and betrayal wounds allows her to lead with courage and clarity, especially when it is not easy or convenient.Jamie Marich, Ph.D. (she/they) speaks internationally on EMDR therapy, trauma, addiction, dissociation, expressive arts, yoga, and mindfulness. They also run a private practice and online training network in their home base of Akron, OH. Marich has written numerous books, notably Trauma and the 12 Steps: An Inclusive Guide to Recovery and Dissociation Made Simple: A Stigma-Free Guide to Embracing Your Dissociative Mind and Navigating Life. She has won numerous awards for LGBT+ and mental health advocacy, specifically in reducing stigma around dissociative disorders through the sharing of her own lived experience.Listen to the full episode to hear:How Jamie learned to have more compassion for her mother as the bystander in the course of writing her memoirHow asking can I make a change here? can aid in deciding when and how to speak upHow binary judgments of healthy or unhealthy, healed or unhealed devalue the lifelong journey and process of healingHow to deflate your own judgments about where others are in their own journeysWhy leaders in health and wellness spaces need to be wary of one true way thinkingHow Jamie unpacked the concept of forgiveness from her religious childhood and made space for compassion and letting goHow growing up pretending everything was fine made Jamie value authenticity more fiercely as an adultLearn more about Dr. Jamie Marich:WebsiteRedefine TherapyThe Institute for Creative MindfulnessInstagram: @drjamiem, @traumatherapistrants TikTok: @traumatherapistrantsYouTube: @DrJamieMMYou Lied to Me About GodLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Hidden Brain | Marching to Your Own Drummer with Sunita SahJonathan Shay, MD, PhDFrancine ShapiroNo Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model, Richard Schwartz Ph.D.The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World, Desmond Tutu and Mpho TutuEMDR Made Simple: 4 Approaches to Using EMDR with Every Client, Jamie MarichHarvey MilkParable of the Sower, Octavia E ButlerI'm Not That GirlWickedRainbow BriteCats

In Twelve Step programs, the first step, as I understand it, is recognizing that we are powerless to heal alone.We cannot overcome addiction, trauma, or systemic oppression through sheer willpower or individual effort. Healing, recovery, and meaningful change require connection, support, and systems that foster growth.All true! But we should not make a virtue out of being powerless.Recognizing what is beyond your ability isn't the same as accepting that you are powerless to change. Powerlessness is, in fact, a protective response that disconnects us from our personal power.When we conflate protection with powerlessness, we risk internalizing the very dynamics that keep us trapped in authoritarian systems—whether in families, partnerships, workplaces, faith communities, or governments.Power-over systems create environments where speaking up feels dangerous, where challenging authority risks humiliation or exile. But no matter the system or oppression, we always retain what Right Use of Power methodology calls our personal power. And that's precisely why authoritarian structures work so hard to make us feel otherwise.Owning your personal power in an authoritarian system requires deep, intentional work. And we cannot do it alone.My guest today will introduce you to the types of power in the Right Use of Power framework and help you reconnect with your personal power so that you can stand firm and do hard, scary, necessary things.Dr. Amanda Aguilera currently serves as the Executive Director of the Right Use of Power Institute and a Trusted Advisor at The Ally Co. She has dedicated most of her career to helping people and organizations understand systems, conflict, and social power dynamics to create right relationship and a sense of belonging. She has a knack for making difficult conversations easier, complex ideas more accessible, and resistance more workable. Integrating power, contemplative practices, neurobiology, and restorative practices, she works by finding a balance of head and heart and facilitating the co-creation of strategic maps that lead us forward in a more equitable way.Listen to the full episode to hear:How the Right Use of Power framework gave Amanda language to understand and articulate powerWhy power itself is fundamentally neutralHow Right Use of Power reframes power as a dynamic and not a possessionBreaking down the six types of power from personal to universalWhy direct challenges to status power are so often destabilizing How undeveloped personal power leads people to do harm with their role and status powerWhy we have to become aware of how power exists in our relationshipsHow developing our personal power helps us to participate in the collective power that can actually challenge systemsHow leaders can foster healthy power differential relationshipsLearn more about Dr. Amanda Aguilera:Right Use of Power InstituteInstagram: @rightuseofpowerinstituteLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:EP 88: Right-Use-of-Power: Navigating Leadership Dynamics with Dr. Cedar BarstowEP 14: Consenting to Grief as a Leadership Practice with Dean Nelson, PhDBreathing Under Water: Spirituality and the Twelve Steps, Richard RohrAll About Love, bell hooksMarie BeechamAlt National Park ServiceFalling Back in Love with Being Human: Letters to Lost Souls, Kai Cheng ThomIndigo Girls - Closer to FinePoseThe Karate Kid Star Wars

Toxic leadership stems from the burdens of unresolved trauma and difficult life experiences. When you don't do the work to regulate your nervous system, the parts of you that protect you through mico-managing, shaming, blaming, not trusting anyone, or worse will eventually wreak havoc on your career, those you lead, and your own capacity for discomfort.So, what does it look like for you to commit to doing the work?Maybe you go to therapy or coaching, or adopt practices to deepen your self-awareness and reflection. The trouble is, “doing the work” can easily turn into navel-gazing or intellectualizing. The same tools that might help you unburden can also be used to numb out. We so often are sold the idea that we will overcome and be done with it that we bypass doing the real, deep, lifelong work.Today's guest illustrates–literally–what it looks and feels like to commit to doing powerful work. Her gorgeous new graphic novel, Past Tense, shares her windy and beautiful journey of doing the work through the lens of Internal Family Systems.Sacha Mardou was born in Macclesfield in 1975 and grew up in Manchester, England. She began making comics after getting her BA in English Literature from the University of Wales, Lampeter. Her critically acclaimed graphic novel series, Sky in Stereo, was named an outstanding comic of 2015 by the Village Voice and shortlisted for the 2016 Slate Studio Prize.Since 2019 she has been making comics about therapy and healing. Her graphic memoir Past Tense: Facing Family Secrets and Finding Myself in Therapy is out now. Since 2005 she has lived in St Louis, Missouri with her cartoonist husband Ted May, their daughter and two disruptive cats.Listen to the full episode to hear:How going to therapy for what she thought was just anxiety became a journey of unpacking her past How her therapist helped her “correct the picture” she'd been holding of people and events of her childhoodHow Sacha adapted her private sketched therapy notes into the comics she shares publiclyHow working with IFS to process her childhood has impacted her present-day relationshipsHow the IFS process has helped Sacha recast her difficult experiences as gifts and strengths and her story as valuableHow Sacha approached writing her book wholeheartedly, while still protecting her boundariesLearn more about Sacha Mardou:WebsitePast Tense: Facing Family Secrets and Finding Myself in TherapyInstagram: @mardou_drawsFacebook: @sachamardouLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Family Secrets with Dani ShapiroEP 72: Identifying and Addressing the Burdens of Individualism with Deran Young & Dick SchwartzEP 101: Transforming the Legacy Burdens from Relational Trauma with Deran YoungCompassion Prison ProjectCece Sykes LCSWRalph De La Rosa, LCSWDoris LessingEric MaiselElizabeth GilbertSitting Pretty: The View from My Ordinary Resilient Disabled Body, Rebekah TaussigLove Is a Burning Thing, Nina St. PierreTeenage Fanclub - Mellow DoubtThe FranchiseThe Office

These days, the call for leaders to be adaptable, agile, flexible, clear, focused, and calm could lead many to think it's not okay to feel or that you need to be a robot.We minimize our feelings and put on a brave face until we can no longer fake it, sometimes in the name of being “regulated.”When there's a trend in language or an approach to healing, it can sometimes be reductive in how it's taught, explained, or understood. Concepts drawn from Polyvagal Theory, like regulation and activation, are no exception.How some talk about regulation and dysregulation can create pressure to diminish our humanity so that we don't emote, and cause us to criticize someone if they're upset.In reality, Polyvagal Theory offers a powerful addition to your toolbox for leading yourself and others well while staying aligned with your values. When we work towards helping our nervous systems become more agile and adaptable by putting in the reps and working to understand our systems and our stories, we can offer those we love and lead a greater sense of curiosity, compassion, and connection. And we will have enough boundaries and guardrails to know when to tap out, take a break, and ask for help.Today's guest teaches and discusses these topics so that we can learn to regulate our nervous systems better and connect better with others. Deb Dana, LCSW, is a clinician, consultant, author, and international lecturer on polyvagal theory-informed work with trauma survivors and is the leading translator of this scientific work to the public and mental health professionals. She's a founding member of the Polyvagal Institute and creator of the signature Rhythm of Regulation® clinical training series.Deb's work shows us how understanding polyvagal theory applies across the board to relationships, mental health, and trauma. She delves into the intricacies of how we can all use and understand the organizing principles of polyvagal theory to change the ways we navigate our daily lives. Listen to the full episode to hear:Why regulation is not a static state but an ongoing dynamic experience How understanding the subconscious survival responses of the nervous system under stress can help us learn to regulate and repairWhy we can't discount or dismiss the messages our survival responses are trying to give usHow even micro-moments of responding to our nervous systems' needs can create changeHow building capacity to resourcing regulation increases our capacity to sit with discomfort and struggle in our lives and in the worldHow leaders can use Polyvagal Theory concepts to create connected, collaborative environments for themselves and those they leadLearn more about Deb Dana:Rhythm of RegulationLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Stephen PorgesThe Nightingale, Kristin HannahBlue: The History of a Color, Michel PastoureauCéline Dion, Andrea Bocelli - The PrayerHalloween Baking ChampionshipHoliday Baking ChampionshipThe Great British Baking Show

I know I'm not alone in feeling like 2024 was a year. So many of us are still working through everything that happened as we wonder exactly what lies ahead.As part of that reflection on the year past and preparing for the year ahead, long-time listeners may know that I am a big believer in debriefing. I debrief weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annually, and each year, I share my annual debrief with you.This debrief includes personal reflections about events in my life, how my words of the year brought some interesting data to light and guided my actions, and themes about what's working and what's not working as we begin the new year. Content note: Discussion of death by suicideListen to the full episode to hear:How my words of the year–rhythm and reps–challenged some of my deeply engrained habits and unrealistic expectationsHow a series of events in my personal life led to shifts in my rhythms and reps and deeper healingWhat 35 tomato plants taught me about priorities and planningWisdom that stuck with me from live talks by Elizabeth Gilbert and Anne LamottExperiences that brought me joy last year and why joy is essential to doing the hard work aheadManaging anger and outrage in our political climate through curiosity and healing, unburdened leadershipLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Writer's Symposium by the SeaEP 14: Consenting to Grief as a Leadership Practice with Dean Nelson, PhDElizabeth GilbertRedwoodAnne LamottConclaveRenttick, tick…BOOM!The Artist's Way, Julia CameronReal Fun, Wow!Brené BrownVirgin RiverThe OfficeParks and RecBrooklyn Nine-NineCommunityThe DiplomatLionessTimothy SnyderEP 70: Getting out of Shame and Into Power with Kelly DielsKelly DielsFinding Mercy in Impossible Times (Father Gregory Boyle) | Pulling the Thread with Elise LoehnenFather Gregory BoyleEP 117: Rethinking Resilience: Moving from Bouncing Back to Relational Resilience with Soraya ChemalyEP 96: Rage to Action: The Leading Power of Women's Anger with Soraya ChemalyRage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger, Soraya ChemalyThe Resilience Myth: New Thinking on Grit, Strength, and Growth After Trauma, Soraya ChemalyEP 113:  Curiosity as a Bridge: Uncovering Fears and Building Connections with Scott ShigeokaEP 90: Engaged and Consistent Leadership: with Moms Demand Action Founder, Shannon WattsMoms Demand ActionHow Leadership Styles Will Change in 2025

As I've been reflecting on the past year, themes of relational trauma, betrayal trauma, and shame have come up again and again in our culture at large and in the work I do with leaders.Relational and betrayal traumas disrupt our ability to trust—ourselves, others, and even the world around us. These wounds often linger in ways we don't fully see. They impact how we navigate relationships, handle conflict, and lead ourselves and others.And far, far too often, these unaddressed, unhealed traumas beget shame. Shame is one of the most destructive forces in leadership and relationships.When leaders operate out of shame, it's volatile and dangerous. It hurts both those who wield it and those who experience it. Healing shame requires sharing our pain with those who have earned the right to hear our stories—those who can hold space for us with compassion, accountability, and empathy.Empathy is the antidote to shame, and it's also what transforms leadership. Leaders who can navigate challenges with compassion, even under immense pressure, create trust, relational resilience, and growth environments.In today's replay of my conversation with Dr. Frank Anderson, he reminds us that healing isn't just personal—it's deeply relational. He also offers the provocative idea that we all have the capacity to be healers and the capacity to harm.When we commit to healing, we reclaim our ability to lead with clarity, compassion, and courage.Frank Anderson, MD, completed his residency and was a clinical instructor in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He is an author, psychiatrist, therapist, speaker, and trauma specialist who's spent the past three decades studying neuroscience and trauma treatment. He is passionate about teaching brain-based psychotherapy and integrating current neuroscience knowledge with the IFS therapy model. His published work spans contributions to literature and training for a clinical audience and works accessible to the general public.Content Warning: We cover some heavy topics around verbal and physical abuse, conversion therapy, and suicidal ideation. Please take care as you listen to this conversation.Listen to the full episode to hear:Why it was so important for Frank to tell his story from a place of healing and love, even for the people who hurt him the mostHow releasing fear, anger, and shame makes space for forgiveness, healing, and loveWhy forgiveness and relational healing can only come after processing and releasing the trauma of what happened within yourselfWhy Frank says that healing is possible, but we're never done healingHow holding onto divisive binary thinking harms all of us and keeps our culture from healingHow holding space with love and empathy can help people acknowledge what happened and accept accountabilityHow unprocessed trauma causes us to repeat toxic patterns in our livesLearn more about Frank Anderson, MD:WebsiteInstagram: @frank_andersonmdFacebook: @mdfrankandersonConnect on LinkedInTo Be Loved: A Story of Truth, Trauma, and TransformationTranscending Trauma: Healing Complex Ptsd with Internal Family SystemsLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:EP 117: Rethinking Resilience: Moving from Bouncing Back to Relational Resilience with Soraya ChemalyOpen Monogamy: A Guide to Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement, Tammy NelsonConan Gray - HeatherP!NK - TRUSTFALLFellow Travelers

When was the last time you felt truly moved by something you saw or heard?It could be a piece of art or music, a line from a book or poem, being with someone you love, or even a perfect bite of food, but those moments that stop us in our tracks are more than fleeting pleasures.These “glimmers” create space for our bodies to exhale so that we can experience wonder, awe, and joy.Learning to recognize and lean into these moments isn't just about respite from the hard things; they help us navigate challenging times by reminding us that humans need connection, creativity, and hope. Today's guest is a multi-disciplinary artist whose work invites us into a world of creativity and intention. It is a testament to the necessity of nurturing creativity and wonder, and what's possible when we follow their pull as allies in our journey to love and lead with boldness and integrity.Amanda Jones is an artist, poet, and filmmaker living and working in the northern beaches of Sydney Australia. Amanda studied ‘Contemporary dance and choreography' at the School of Creative Arts and ‘Styling and creative direction' at Whitehouse Fashion Institute. She founded her film production company One Minute Film in 2015 working with clients such as The Iconic, Nimble Activewear, and Barre Body. In 2021 Amanda published her first book Diary of a Freelancer, its success shifted her work into her full-time art practice. Listen to the full episode to hear:How early experiences at the intersection of creativity and commerce shaped Amanda's career trajectoryHow Amanda realized that some pieces of her journals were meant to be sharedWhy her journaling practice is vital to both her personal life and her work lifeHow Amanda approached self-publishing her book to make it a piece of art and embrace its mistakesHow balancing play and discipline as she takes on a new medium helps Amanda combat imposter syndromeHow Amanda protects her creativity and imagination despite our challenging worldLearn more about Amanda Jones:WebsiteInstagram: @amanda______jonesDiary of a FreelancerLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, Brené BrownThe Artist's Way, Julia CameronThe Name of the Wind, Patrick RothfussBleachers - Tiny MovesDrops of GodSeinfeld

Have you ever looked around and felt that the way you live and work isn't sustainable? It's hard to find anyone who hasn't felt the weight of this relentless pace and the intense pressure to keep up as if this is just how modern life has to be.But what if it doesn't have to be this way? Our culture in the U.S. is burdened by pressures to keep up, excel, and do it all, often without the support systems to help us carry that load.What if we paused to question the assumptions driving us to stay so busy and overextended? Today's guest invites us to imagine stepping off the hamster wheel and envisioning what it would look like to challenge the norms we've been handed about work and life.We can't all pack up and move, but we can make small but powerful steps towards a more sustainable way of living, working, and leading.Kirsten Powers is a New York Times bestselling author and writes the bestselling Substack publication Changing the Channel. Jon Meacham called her most recent book, Saving Grace: Speak Your Truth, Stay Centered and Learn to Coexist with People Who Drive You Nuts, "a great gift at an urgent hour.” Kirsten served as an on-air CNN senior political analyst for seven years. She has been a columnist for USA Today, the Daily Beast and the New York Post, and a political analyst at Fox News. Before her career in journalism, Kirsten was a political appointee in the Clinton Administration, worked in New York Democratic politics and was Vice President for International Communications at AOL, Inc.Listen to the full episode to hear:Kirsten's awakening to the fact that American culture is “not normal”How neoliberalism reshaped our relationship with work, class, and consumerismA reality check on what it takes to make radical changes in your life, at home or abroadHow unpacking paradigms about work and being busy has led Kirsten to question so many other norms in American lifeThe intense and long-term physical toll of our culture's obsession with overworkWhat gives Kirsten hope that America can do and be better in the future Learn more about Kirsten Powers:Changing the ChannelInstagram: @kirstenpowersSaving Grace: Speak Your Truth, Stay Centered and Learn to Coexist with People Who Drive You NutsLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:The way we live in the United States is not normalThe Rise and Fall of the Neoliberal Order: America and the World in the Free Market Era, Gary GerstleNever Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-And What We Can Do about It, Jennifer Breheny WallaceCircle of Hope: A Reckoning with Love, Power, and Justice in an American Church, Eliza GriswoldHouse of the DragonPretty in Pink

Humans tend to crave certainty. In the face of the unknown, we rely on prescriptions and narratives to help us feel better and make sense of what we can't yet see coming.For many, sitting with uncertainty like what we are facing now, post-election in the United States, is deeply unsettling and even destabilizing. They brace for what might come next, anxious and ruminating, and looking for answers. It's a natural human response, but it can also leave us stuck in a loop that offers no comfort, only more fear and anxiety.People will look to the leaders around them for comfort and for answers. And while you may not be able to provide the definitive answers anyone seeks, you can help those you lead and love feel supported and grounded as we all navigate these difficult times.Today, I'm sharing strategies, practices, and thoughts that can help us move through uncertainty, for ourselves and the ones we love and lead.Listen to the full episode to hear:How and why to establish “certainty anchors” for those you leadWhy an honest, compassionate presence is more beneficial than pretending you have all the answersWhy we need to balance courage and comfort, and the fine line between caring and caretakingWhy finding grounding routines is essential, no matter how small or scrappy or imperfectHow claiming your personal power and agency will help you feel less stuckHow we build trust and resilience in our relationships amidst uncertaintyLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaFollow the Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, Brené BrownEP 114: Why Bother? Navigating Burnout and Rediscovering Purpose with Jennifer LoudenEP 88: Right-Use-of-Power: Navigating Leadership Dynamics with Dr. Cedar BarstowDiary of a Freelancer, Amanda JonesHope, Despair, and Wellbeing Intelligence - by Jen FisherEP 117: Rethinking Resilience: Moving from Bouncing Back to Relational Resilience with Soraya ChemalyEP 113:  Curiosity as a Bridge: Uncovering Fears and Building Connections with Scott Shigeoka

When you think about resilience, what comes to mind?Our culture loves narratives about triumphing over hardship. And overcoming pain, heartbreak, and even abuse can make us stronger.However, uplifting “overcoming” too often comes at the expense of actually examining and addressing the lack of care, protection, and support people had to navigate on their path to resilience. We valorize grit and perseverance at the cost of people's health and wellbeing, encouraging them to just keep pushing past the point of burnout.My guest today pulls back the curtain on these narratives of overcoming adversity and building resilience to find that so much of the adversity people face is rooted in how we fail to care for ourselves and each other in our society. Real resilience, she says, isn't about your own personal toughness; it's about how we relate to and support each other.Soraya Chemaly is an award-winning author and activist. She writes and speaks frequently on topics related to gender norms, inclusivity, social justice, free speech, sexualized violence, and technology. She is the author of The Resilience Myth: New Thinking on Grit, Strength, and Growth after Trauma and Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger, which was recognized as a Best Book of 2018 by the Washington Post, Fast Company, Psychology Today, and NPR. She has contributed to several anthologies, most recently Free Speech in the Digital Age and Believe Me: How Trusting Women Can Change The World. Soraya is also a co-producer of a WMC #NameItChangeIt PSA highlighting the effects of online harassment on women in politics in America.Listen to the full episode to hear:How Soraya made the connection between our toxic ideology of resilience and how we devalue community support and careHow the idea of “bouncing back” can actually impede change, both personal and socialHow resilience narratives flatten, decontextualize, and depoliticize trauma and recovery Why we need to shift our concept of resilience from individual to communal, cultural, and relationalHow “soldiering on” can perpetuate a lack of options within the systemThe false binaries we have to confront to dismantle the resilience of the status quoHow telling someone they are or need to be resilient shuts down opportunities for real care and supportLearn more about Soraya Chemaly:WebsiteInstagram: @sorayachemalyThe Resilience Myth: New Thinking on Grit, Strength, and Growth After Trauma​​Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's AngerBelieve Me: How Trusting Women Can Change the WorldFree Speech in the Digital AgeLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:EP 72: Identifying and Addressing the Burdens of Individualism with Deran Young & Dick SchwartzEP 113:  Curiosity as a Bridge: Uncovering Fears and Building Connections with Scott ShigeokaSeek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the WorldNicked, M. T. AndersonThe Light Eaters: How the Unseen World of Plant Intelligence Offers a New Understanding of Life on Earth, Zoë SchlangerKneecapChallengersSuccession The White Lotus

As the United States approaches one of the most important elections, many people I know are expressing how the current state of affairs is affecting their work, home life, and overall well-being.With the stress and the chaos, it would be easy to shut down and ask, “Why bother?”This is why it feels especially timely to bring back my long-time friend, Iowa state representative and state house minority leader, Jennifer Konfrst, to the podcast.Whether it's a major election, a looming work deadline, or a personal goal, we all carry heavy responsibilities on top of what's happening in our country. I wanted to talk to Jennifer about how she finds the strength to keep going, even when the victories are hard-won or the losses are break-your-heart big.Jennifer shares her not-so-secret recipe for staying true to her values and community, staying open and seeking support, which helps her avoid falling into despair and hopelessness. Her perspective is a source of hope, motivation, and a call to keep fighting that many of us need right now.Jennifer Konfrst teaches public relations & strategic political communication courses at Drake University in Des Moines, IA. Before joining the Drake journalism faculty in 2013, she worked in public relations for 20 years, most recently at Iowa Public Television. She also serves as an Iowa House of Representatives member, representing the 43rd district since 2019. She is the House minority leader, a position she has held since 2021, and she is the first woman to hold this position in Iowa.Listen to the full episode to hear:What the Iowa Supreme Court ruling on abortion taught Jennifer about showing up even when you're devastated and angryThe self-care that is essential for Jennifer in the face of setbacks and struggles at the State HouseHow Jennifer builds trust in her leadership with her caucus in her role as House Minority LeaderHow consistently highlighting and celebrating even small wins helps keep people motivatedHow her personal healing work has helped Jennifer allow for disagreement and conflict within her caucusThe challenges of trust with voters, representatives across the aisle, and within her partyThe case for getting and staying engaged in politics, especially at the local levelLearn more about Jennifer Konfrst:WebsiteInstagram: @KonfrstForHouseTwitter: @KonfrstForHouseLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:EP 114: Why Bother? Navigating Burnout and Rediscovering Purpose with Jennifer LoudenEP 30: Committing to Being an Engaged Leader and Engaged Citizen with Iowa State Rep. Jennifer KonfrstThe Thin Book of Trust: An Essential Primer for Building Trust at Work, Charles FeltmanTaylor Swift - The ManThe Chicks - March MarchThe West WingSchitt's CreekParks and Recreation

What prevents you from speaking up?When you were younger, what was your experience when you spoke up? Were you heard, or were you silenced, ignored, or punished? The echoes of earlier wounds often shape our ability to speak up. Our ability to speak up is often influenced by the burden of past experiences, whether it's in meetings, public forums, or one-on-one conversations, speaking up can feel like a significant risk when past relational traumas resurface.Even the most confident leaders may carry fears of rejection, judgment, or failure, stemming from previous experiences of not being heard or valued. We may worry about being misunderstood or feel that our words lack significance.Embracing your voice, even in the face of uncertainty, is a transformative act. It's a journey towards building more courage and leading in alignment with your values.Speaking with grounded confidence isn't just about exerting authority; it's about fostering trust, connection, and respect within yourself and with those you lead.Today's guest lives the principles she teaches on speaking up and showing up with more power, especially for those who hold identities outside of dominant cultural norms. Her work offers us all a powerful road map for speaking up without exiling our story.Samara Bay is the author of the best-selling book, Permission to Speak, a revolutionary take on public speaking for the future we want. She is a Los Angeles-based speech coach whose clients range from candidates for US Congress to C-suite executives, change-making entrepreneurs, movie stars, and high school girls. She has led workshops and keynotes for groups across various industries, from significant corporations to nonprofit foundations and academic institutions, and her work has been widely featured in the media. Listen to the full episode to hear:How Samara's work with emerging political leaders caused her to realize that we need to change the narrative of how authority is “supposed” to soundHow she connects losing her voice in grad school to an internalized shame of sounding “different” that people of non-dominant identities carryWhy we need to shift the narrative to allow authoritative voices to be emotionally honest and vulnerableThe value of using our voices to care out loud and to tell our storiesWhy it's normal to sound different in various settings, as long as we aren't compromising our integrityUnpacking common “negative” speech patterns and how they function in our communicationBreaking down the impossible balancing acts of archetypes we expect of women in powerLearn more about Samara Bay:WebsiteInstagram: @samarabayHow to Show UpConnect on LinkedInPermission to Speak: How to Change What Power Sounds Like, Starting with YouLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:A Court of Thorns and Roses, Sarah J. MaasTaylor Swift - marjorieBridgertonKids IncorporatedThe All New Mickey Mouse ClubMoms Demand ActionEP 90: Engaged and Consistent Leadership: with Moms Demand Action Founder, Shannon Watts

When was the last time you said, “Why bother?”When overwhelm, exhaustion, burnout, and the weight of responsibility set in, it's easy to become cynical and ask, "What's the point?" Cynicism can be a defense mechanism, shielding us from difficult emotions or experiences, but it also traps us in survival mode, limiting our ability to see new possibilities or paths forward. Constantly being in fight-or-flight mode makes it difficult to think long-term and to rest and reset as needed.Today, we're exploring what, "Why bother?" really indicates for leaders. It serves as a sign of exhaustion, an overactive nervous system, or even reactivated trauma. Our guest encourages us to transform "Why bother?" from a stuck and cynical question into a productive inquiry that directs us towards what truly matters.Jennifer Louden invites us to flip the script on “Why bother?” from cynical and stuck to a generative question to lead you toward what really matters to you. Jennifer has been involved in the self-care movement for years. She authored the bestseller, The Woman's Comfort Book in 1992 and has since written numerous books on well-being and creative living, including The Woman's Retreat Book and Why Bother? She enjoys coaching writers and is currently working on a fantasy novel where older women use their power to buy humanity time from the climate crisis.Listen to the full episode to hear:Why the “why bother” stage is a normal part of life, and how it presents an opportunity to resetHow holding too tightly to an identity can keep us from seeing possibilities for changeHow exiling and not claiming what we want leads to “why bother”How taking action on the things that matter to us cultivates hopeHow accepting that some things in life are not fixable can liberate us to step into new possibilitiesHow to begin cultivating a relationship with your desiresLearn more about Jennifer Louden:WebsiteIt's Not Too LateLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:War and Peace, Leo TolstoyFor All MankindWicked Little LettersThe Mary Tyler Moore Show

How does curiosity show up in your life, work, and relationships?Does your curiosity influence your strategy or planning? Or do you follow your curiosity to gain more knowledge or deepen your understanding of topics or viewpoints? Do you lean on curiosity to help you get to know someone better in ways that satisfy your interests or deepen your connection?Do you keep following your curiosity even if it leads to uncomfortable or unknown places?Our curiosity can reveal much about us, our interests, and our capacity for hope, discomfort, and imagination. But just as important is HOW we use our curiosity.When we wield our curiosity to prove a point, we can cause division and harm. And when we use curiosity to honor others and our vulnerability, we can build the bridges necessary to cultivate the spaces we dream about and desire.Today's guest has combined his own lived experiences and research on curiosity and bridge-building into a powerful, nuanced book and set of practices on curiosity and how we use it in our relationships.Scott Shigeoka believes curiosity has the power to transform your life and change the world. It's the key to connection, healing, and personal growth. It's a critical practice for your relationships, leadership, and life satisfaction. In his book, Seek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World, Scott teaches readers to strengthen their curiosity muscles with his signature DIVE method.Scott has appeared on The Today Show, Harvard Business Review, NPR, The Guardian, and CNBC, and he has spoken at Google, Microsoft, Pixar, IDEO, Meta, Airbnb, and universities and schools around the world and teaches at The University of Texas at Austin.Listen to the full episode to hear:How Scott's cross-country road trip showed in real-time that approaching fears with curiosity builds connection, understanding, and possibilityThe limits and boundaries to approaching others with curiosity in the momentWhy we need to bring curiosity and humility when we catch our own biasesHow social and structural power dynamics influence how we balance curiosity, discomfort, and anger in a groupThree key questions to ask yourself to identify if your curiosity about another person or situation is invasive or predatoryHow letting go of certainty opens up possibilities and allows for growthLearn more about Scott Shigeoka:WebsiteSeek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the WorldInstagram: @scottshigeokaLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, Brené BrownThe Making of Another Major Motion Picture Masterpiece, Tom HanksBillie Eilish - LUNCHInside Out 2Beyoncé - RENAISSANCE

What is your relationship with your dreams?Not your goals or visions for the future, but the actual dreams that appear when you sleep?Deepening our understanding of our dreams is not just a trailhead, but a transformative journey to better understanding ourselves, what drives us, what limits us, and what impacts our choices and behaviors.Today's guest, Selden “Dee” Kelley, urges us to take the time to reflect on dreams so that we can better understand how our inner systems are processing our present and our past. He reminds us of the profound power of witnessing our subconscious burdens, a process that validates our experiences and our desire to be seen and heard.Dee is a lifelong learner. He holds five degrees in religion, psychology, an MBA, and a PhD in Industrial Psychology and Organizational Development. He served 18 years as the Pastor of the First Church of the Nazarene in San Diego and held various leadership and administration positions before becoming a pastor. He has a deep passion for helping others discover the rich guidance that dream work can provide for their journey toward health and wholeness, and helps people connect with the power of their dreams as a pathway toward new insight, better decision-making, and improved creative thinking.Content Note: Dee draws heavily from Jungian male-female archetypes. I want to note that the discussion of gender expands across the spectrum and is not limited to the male-female binary.Listen to the full episode to hear:How Dee's approach blends hypotheses of the biological functions of dreaming and uses them in service of greater self-awarenessHow every person's dreams have an individual dialect Advice for beginning to remember and take note of your dreamsWhy specific interpretation can matter less than the reflections the interpretation leads toHow paying attention to our dreams can help us embrace imaginative, nuanced thinkingDifferentiating between dream crushers and useful contrarian voices, in dreams and awakeLearn more about Dee Kelley:WebsiteInstagram: @drdeedreamscoachLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email.Resources:What Dreams May ComeInception

When you are excited about something, how do you show up?Do you wear excitement and passion on your sleeve for all to see? Maybe your personality is more low-key and strategic, and it is less obvious when you're really excited about an idea, a vision, or being a part of something.Or maybe you adapt and edit yourself, muting your responses to play it cool for fear you won't be taken seriously. Yes, it's essential to consider your role, environment, and audience when you feel energized about something. But if we're constantly focused on who we should be, how we should act, and what the right thing to say is, it's hard to have hope and a vision for the future. Meg Raby Klinghoffer does not feel weighed down by messages about playing it cool and downplaying her excitement and joy anymore. She is emphatically all in with helping others envision how the spaces where we live, work, and play can be inclusive for those with invisible disabilities. She is becoming a contagion to create spaces where we can all be welcome and feel comfortable being ourselves, from concerts to museums to schools and beyond.Meg is the author of the My Brother Otto series, a Speech-Language Pathologist, a writer for Scary Mommy, and a full-time employee of KultureCity, the nation's leading nonprofit in sensory inclusion. She is also autistic. At any given moment, Meg is thinking about how to better love the humans around her and how to create positive change without causing division.Listen to the full episode to hear:How receiving an autism diagnosis and owning that identity has allowed Meg to advocate for herself more freelyHow to respectfully approach learning more about and supporting the autistic adults in your lifeHow having an autistic community helped Meg let go of old rules and embrace her identityHow KultureCity addresses the need for macro-level change to make spaces more supportive and inclusiveMeg's vision for moving beyond awareness or acceptance to true inclusionLearn more about Meg Raby Klinghoffer:KultureCityScary MommyInstagram: @author.meg.rabyLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Somebody's Daughter: A Memoir, Ashley C FordKamala Harris and the Threat of a Woman's Laugh - Sophie Gilbert, The AtlanticWe're Not Broken: Changing the Autism Conversation, Eric GarciaYung PuebloPost Malone - Hollywood's BleedingLauren Daigle - Rescue3 Body ProblemThe Jacksons: An American Dream

What sparks your imagination?What shuts down your capacity to imagine?Where does your mind go when the stakes are high, and the pressure feels too great? Do you find yourself mentally preparing for the worst possible outcomes, as if you were rehearsing a play? Do you shut down or numb out to manage your fears and anxieties?Our brains naturally seek comfort in the known or fill in the unknown with potential disasters. However, it takes conscious effort and practice to build the capacity to imagine positive outcomes when things feel bleak.But we can counter overwhelm and despair by connecting with imaginative individuals who embody hope, curiosity, and possibility grounded in vision and action.These visionary leaders remind us that something different is possible and that we can choose to take deliberate action to change the prevailing tides.In this new series of Unburdened Leader conversations, I'll be in dialogue with leaders who urge us to envision a future that's not just a distant dream, but a reality we can actively shape today.Over the next few months, you will hear conversations that invite you to take meaningful action here and now that does not deplete but heals and energizes.These visionary conversations will help you connect with your desire to see a way through the noise and do something different.Listen to the full episode to hear:Why this moment feels so vital to share conversations with leaders imagining–and building–a more moral and just worldA taste of upcoming topics of conversation, from invisible disabilities to reframing resilience as a collective undertakingEssential steps for building and protecting your capacity to hope and imagine in trying timesLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email.Resources:EP 02: How Self-Leadership Saves You From The Relentless Drive To Succeed with Dr. Richard SchwartzEP 88: Right-Use-of-Power: Navigating Leadership Dynamics with Dr. Cedar Barstow

What does it mean to you to live a life with no regrets? Is that even possible?What if it's less about avoiding regrets entirely and more about being clear on your values, dreams, and desires and combining that with intentional practices to build a life focused on things that matter to you and the world around you?Of course, this takes work because we're constantly pulled in many different directions and responding to many inputs, just trying to keep our heads above water. To lead well, we must get clarity in our values and develop trusting relationships with our inner worlds and physical bodies.Instead of chasing a life with zero regrets, we need to learn to respond well to our regrets in the moment. If we want to look back and feel good about how we responded, we can't numb out or bypass; we must make amends and correct our course.Today's conversation is with a long-time friend and colleague who reminds us that living an aligned life is a meandering path, a life that is always stretched and tested. It's not always easy, but when we stay connected to our values, desires, and integrity, there can be ease and clarity even in the hard times.Molly Mahar is the founder of Stratejoy, a community helping women reclaim intimate, honest, and joyful relationships with themselves for the good of all. She's an entrepreneur, mama, writer, and adventurer obsessed with designing personal experiments that scare you, telling the truth, and her new teardrop trailer. In this episode, Molly shares her journey of living an aligned life, her struggles, and the lessons she learned along the way. Listen to the full episode to hear:How Molly prepared, financially and emotionally, to embark on a year of travel and a major move with her familyHow relocating on their return may have actually made it easier for Molly to integrate her experiencesWhat putting their lives on hold and being together 24/7 revealed about Molly's relationship with her husband, their parenting choices, and how they handle conflictThe support and practices that helped Molly get back in alignment Unpacking her complicated relationship with alcohol and why she knew she needed to get sober for goodThe core questions that Molly used to guide her self-reflection throughout the tripLearn more about Molly Mahar:StratejoyInstagram: @stratejoy, @mollymaharLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:EP 107: The Seasons of Entrepreneurship: Leading a Deliberate Life with Laura RoederBetween Two Kingdoms: A Memoir of a Life Interrupted, Suleika JaouadBirnam Wood, Eleanor CattonYou, Again, Kate GoldbeckPaper Planes - Radio UpMAGIC! – Good Feeling About YouNyadThe Idea of YouSaved by the Bell

What do you want to be known for? And what actions do you take to be seen in that light? What lengths do you go to to avoid being misunderstood and viewed differently than what you want to be known for? What drives what you want to be known for, and what are your choices to uphold your desired image or reputation?Most of us have multiple internal agendas that shape our decisions and how we show up and are seen by others and ourselves. Our values, fears, and burdens, internally and externally, drive us. When we place our worth and safety solely in the hands of others, we go to great lengths to hold on to how we want to be perceived. Lengths that too often leave a wake of chaos, abuse of power, manipulation, and betrayal–all to maintain the illusion of control.We need more leaders who give us hope and reverence for humanity and others. These leaders do the work to build their capacity for discomfort so that they can lead with conviction, humility, and a deep sense of connectedness bigger than their personal ambitions or fears.Joining us today is a guest who embodies the principles we discuss on this podcast. Dee Kelley is a leader who leads with love and compassion, demonstrating the power of these qualities in leadership. Our conversation with Dee is a reminder that compassion and empathy are not signs of weakness, but rather, tools for personal growth and resilience.Selden “Dee” Kelley is a lifelong learner and a beacon of knowledge. With five degrees, his academic prowess is unmatched. He served 18 years as the Pastor of the First Church of the Nazarene in San Diego, demonstrating his deep understanding of faith and its intersection with personal development. A driving force in his life is to help others discover the rich guidance that dream work can provide for their journey toward health and wholeness. He now helps people connect with the power of their dreams as a pathway toward new insight, better decision-making and improved creative thinking.Listen to the full episode to hear:Why Dee wanted to open a conversation about the relationship between the LGTBQIA+ community and the church, and why he has no regrets despite the consequencesHow Dee came to realize that the things he feared in others were invitations for learning and growthWhy we need to commit to having hard conversations even when we don't know the outcomeHow a strong sense of values and identity apart from his position in the church softened the loss of his role and credentialsHow Dee's case sits in the larger context of faith communities grappling with and declaring how they will relate to LGBTQIA+ communitiesLearn more about Dee Kelley:WebsiteInstagram: @drdeedreamscoachLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email.Resources:The Daring Way™EP 02: How Self-Leadership Saves You From The Relentless Drive To Succeed with Dr. Richard SchwartzA Hope For ChangeWhy We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams, Matthew WalkerAstridWomen Talking

What are you deliberate about in your life?What does living deliberately mean to you?Would you say that you're a deliberate person? Would those who know you say that you are deliberate in how you live your life and lead?Living deliberately can be a real challenge, especially when we're constantly dealing with unexpected issues and navigating through the many crises in our world. The pace of life is so fast, it often feels impossible to slow down and reflect before taking action.But there's something deeply important about being deliberate if we want to cultivate life, work, and relationships that align with our values. It is messy, awkward, and challenging, but it is so worth it.Today's guest has built a career that serves her personal needs, values, interests, and skills through deliberate action, even when it flies in the face of conventional wisdom about entrepreneurship. Our guest today, Laura Roeder, is a true inspiration. She's a lifelong entrepreneur and the founder of several bootstrapped companies that have each reached multi-million dollar status. Her ventures include Paperbell, CoachCompare, MeetEdgar, Marie Forleo's B-School, and LKR Social Media. She's been recognized as one of the top 100 entrepreneurs under 30 and has shared her insights on entrepreneurship at prestigious venues like the White House, the Virgin Unites Branson Centre of Entrepreneurship, the University of Southern California, and Loyola Marymount University.Listen to the full episode to hear:How Laura's desire for time freedom has impacted her decision-making as a business ownerHow launching a business immediately before having her first child fundamentally changed the way Laura has run every venture sinceWhy leaders need to let go of the belief that they can't teach someone else to do what they do How owning up to your mistakes and the steps you've taken to fix them builds trustHow Laura has navigated her desire to work and to lead after selling a company for a life-changing amount of moneyLearn more about Laura Roeder:BlogPaperbellInstagram: @bypaperbellLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email.Resources:The One Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth about Extraordinary Results, Gary KellerNo, Wealth is Not a Measure of Value CreationExit Interview: The Life and Death of My Ambitious Career, Kristi CoulterFlorence and the MachineLove is BlindSaved by the BellWaking Up

Do you have thoughts about how the word “trauma” and other therapy-speak terms have bled into our day-to-day conversations in person, at work, and on social media?Do you feel pressure to perform being “okay,” even when you're anything but?Have you ever pursued a project or career milestone only to realize, once you achieved it, that it no longer fits your life, values, or interests?Today's guest is a long-time, respected colleague who joins me for a profound and thought-provoking conversation about all of the above and then some. It's a privilege to have people with whom we can engage in deep conversations without hesitation or self-editing; this chat is no exception.Our guest, Sarah Buino, is a renowned speaker, educator, and therapist. She is the founder of Head/Heart Therapy, Inc. and Head/Heart Business Therapy, and a member of the adjunct faculty at Loyola University Chicago. Sarah is also a podcast host, known for her series, ‘Conversations With a Wounded Healer' and 'The Burnt Out Practice Owner.' Her work focuses on the role of personal healing in caregiving and the challenges of group therapy practice ownership.Listen to the full episode to hear:How the concept of ordinary trauma helped Sarah recognize what was and wasn't her responsibility as she healedThe essential difference between discomfort and trauma and how it relates to our relationship with agencyWhy being “okay” is just a data point, not a destinationHow mindful awareness sets the stage for healing, regardless of modalityWhy Sarah maintains that therapy is political and that we have to lead through values and relationshipsHow Sarah and her colleagues brought their values into their group practiceHow Sarah came to realize that she was done owning her practice and ready to move onLearn more about Sarah Buino:Head/Heart Business TherapyInstagram: @HeadHeartBizTherapyConversations with a Wounded Healer PodcastThe SarahsLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:How trauma became the word of the decade — and the Covid-19 pandemic - VoxWhat is NARM?Farewell, Strategic Accommodation, An Elegy to White Supremacy by Sarah SuzukiDecolonizing Therapy for Black Folk 2024Politicizing Your PracticeLiving In The Tension: The Quest for a Spiritualized Racial Justice, Shelley TochlukOlivia Rodrigo - vampireThe Secret of Skinwalker RanchSaved by the Bell

What does healing mean to you? What expectations do you hold around how we heal and how quickly we heal?Meeting our basic human need to be loved and experience belonging can be the root of many things we do, say, and want–for better or for worse.Many of us have experienced relationships that shape how we pursue love and belonging, how we respond to folks who are different or have differences, how we handle conflict, and how we navigate not being perfect and not knowing all the answers.So, how we seek love and belonging and perceive and pursue healing are inextricably connected.Under those circumstances, we want to rush our healing process, achieve our desired changes, and be fixed as soon as possible. The stakes are high!But we do not arrive at “healed” and coast for the rest of our lives. There is no three-step plan to change, heal, and thrive ever after.Healing is a lifelong process that must be pursued and revisited with the ebbs and flows of our lives. Sometimes, those ebbs and flows feel like tsunamis, forcing us to revisit old wounds or discover new spaces in our stories that require our care and attention so that we can find love and belonging within, first and foremost.Frank Anderson, MD, returns to the show to discuss his beautiful new book, To Be Loved: A Story of Truth, Trauma, and Transformation.Frank Anderson, MD, completed his residency and was a clinical instructor in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He is an author, psychiatrist, therapist, speaker, and trauma specialist who's spent the past three decades studying neuroscience and trauma treatment. He is passionate about teaching brain-based psychotherapy and integrating current neuroscience knowledge with the IFS therapy model. His published work spans contributions to literature and training for a clinical audience and works accessible to the general public.Content Warning: We cover some heavy topics around verbal and physical abuse, conversion therapy, and suicidal ideation. Please take care as you listen to this conversation.Listen to the full episode to hear:How the process of writing his memoir caused Frank to interact with his past in ways that surprised himThe tricky balance of telling stories honestly but from a loving place, especially with his familyHow releasing his anger and coming to forgive and love people who harmed him gave Frank space and freedom to forgive himself for the harm he has doneWhy Frank says healing happens first emotionally and somatically within yourself, and then you can work towards relational healing and forgivenessHow different phases of Frank's life have influenced what and how trauma he unpacked and releasedWhy do we have to stop clinging to divisive polarities and recognize the good and bad in ourselves and each other Learn more about Frank Anderson, MD:WebsiteInstagram: @frank_andersonmdFacebook: @mdfrankandersonConnect on LinkedInTo Be Loved: A Story of Truth, Trauma, and TransformationTranscending Trauma: Healing Complex Ptsd with Internal Family SystemsLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email.Resources:Open Monogamy: A Guide to Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement, Tammy NelsonConan Gray - HeatherP!NK - TRUSTFALLFellow Travelers

If you love, you experience loss. Looking back over the last few years, who or what have you lost? A loved one, a friendship, a relationship, a pet, a job, your health, your community? Something else? Have you had time to reflect on and grieve your losses and find meaning and sense in all you experienced? And how do you talk about your losses with those around you, if at all?We cannot engineer the experience of grief out of our lives, but many try, at a significant cost, to their well-being, their relationships, and their ability to function, connect, and lead.Grief will always do its job regardless of our response to grief's presence. And the more we try to avoid the heartbreak, mess, awkwardness, outrage, and vulnerability, the more we disconnect from our humanity and those around us.  So, the question for us is: How will we respond when grief comes knocking in our personal lives, work, and world? Joon ‘J.S.' Park is a hospital chaplain, former atheist/agnostic, sixth-degree black belt, suicide survivor, and Korean-American, a person of faith and valuer of all. He is the author of As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve, part hospital chaplain experience and memoir, and The Voices We Carry: Finding Your One True Voice in a World of Clamor and Noise.J.S. currently serves at a top-ranked, 1,000+ bed hospital and was a chaplain for three years at one of the largest nonprofit charities for the unhoused on the East Coast.Content note: This conversation covers topics around sexual abuse, suicide, and experiences of racism. Joon's message and heart feel healing and gracious as he shares some tender issues. But please take care of yourself as you move through this beautiful conversation.Listen to the full episode to hear:The physical toll of unacknowledged accumulated grief that J.S. took on through his chaplaincy trainingHow contending with pervasive and severe suffering daily challenged and reshaped J.S.'s faithHow he began to grapple with his experiences of abuse, racism and internalized shameWhy we need to learn to engage with a range of grief and validate our responses to it to healWhat we can learn about others when they use clichés and platitudes in response to griefHow working closely with grief has changed J.S.'s concept of what it means to be successful Learn more about J.S. Park:Instagram: @jspark3000Facebook: @jspark3000As Long As You Need: Permission to GrieveThe Voices We Carry: Finding Your One True Voice in a World of Clamor and NoiseLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Meditations of the Heart, Howard ThurmanWhat We Kept to Ourselves, Nancy Jooyoun KimThe Last Story of Mina Lee, Nancy Jooyoun KimDeparturesAndorBeyond the Infinite Two Minutes

Are you aware of all the expectations you hold yourself to?The day-to-day buzzing of our inner life can feel relentless, can't it? We're all too familiar with the bombardment of 'shoulds' about how we should act, dress, talk, move, etc. It's a struggle that resonates with each one of us, making us feel understood in our shared experiences. We carry so many shoulds from our family of origin, culture, difficult life experiences, work experiences,  people we respect, and people who we want to respect us. But the shoulds that mess with us the most and lead to the heaviest burdens are the stealth shoulds around what we should and should not feel.Today's guest, Dr. Alison Cook, returns for the third time to share her transformative new book. This isn't just a guide that addresses these 'shoulds ', it's an empowering invitation to unpack our stealth expectations of ourselves and our world. It's an invitation to approach the 'shoulds' that show up in our lives with curiosity and compassion, paving the way for personal growth and self-improvement.Dr. Alison Cook is a psychologist and teacher who has spent two decades helping individuals name what's hard and take brave steps to transform their lives. She is also a best-selling author, teacher, and host of The Best of You podcast. She co-authored Boundaries for Your Soul and is the author of The Best of You, and I Shouldn't Feel This Way. Alison is also a certified Internal Family Systems therapist, a dear friend, and a trusted colleague.Listen to the full episode to hear:The internal tension and disorientation Alison experienced when she couldn't accomplish what she “should” haveHow following her system's lead led Alison to make a surprising connection to another pivotal transition in her lifeUnpacking the familial and cultural origins of our shoulds around work and successThe high personal and social stakes of not making space to name what we're feeling Why it's vital to be able to discern who can best support you in processing what you're going throughHow to cultivate space for yourself to witness the hard things, rather than bypassing from naming to fixing Learn more about Alison Cook, PhD:WebsiteThe Best of You PodcastInstagram: @dralisoncookI Shouldn't Feel This WayLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Ep 50: Embracing the Hot Mess: A Special Anniversary Episode with Alison Cook, PhDEP 25: The Boundary Barriers of Leadership with Psychologist and Author Alison Cook, PhDNotes to Myself: My Struggle to Become a Person, Hugh PratherDaily Affirmation: Valentine's Day - Saturday Night LiveCircle of Grace: A Book of Blessings for the Seasons, Jan RichardsonBob Marley & The Wailers - Redemption SongBob Marley: One LoveFriendsPretty in Pink

Many of us are familiar with the kind of person who easily earns the moniker ‘toxic' and instills fear, rage, and frustration in those around them.What do you do when you work with a toxic leader?How do you feel when toxic leaders continue to get promoted and receive accolades?And what do you do when others make excuses for these toxic leaders, like saying their skill set or network is too important to the organization and you have to “take the good with the bad?”Toxic leaders and cultures take a toll on you, especially when you have your own relational wounding history. You may try to speak up or feel shut down, but there's another common theme: How betrayed you feel when your experiences are met with silence, inaction, or retribution.We're at a critical moment regarding leading, accountability, and culture. But one thing that still feels constant is the impact of our history with relational wounding and relational trauma, and how that impacts how, or if, we speak up in the face of injustices from toxic leaders and toxic work culture.Today's guest wrote a book on the impact of toxic leaders and cultures, including how we often protect toxic leaders at great expense to the staff and the business. As someone who was bullied both as a child and in the workplace, she has some very special insight into this all-too-common experience.Mita Mallick is a corporate change-maker with a track record of transforming businesses. She has had an extensive career as a marketer in the beauty and consumer product goods space, fiercely advocating for the inclusion and representation of Black and Brown communities. Her book, Reimagine Inclusion: Debunking 13 Myths to Transform Your Workplace, is a Wall Street Journal and USA Today Best Seller.Listen to the full episode to hear:The practical toll on the business of enabling toxic leaders to continue to manage teamsThe psychological and physical impact of the workplace trauma created by working under toxic leadersHow people end up in environments that recreate the harmful relational patterns of their pastWhy those with more power in the workplace need to speak up on behalf of othersHow executive coaching can be used as a Band-Aid to cover toxic behaviorHow guilt and empathy for the teammates we'd leave behind can keep us stuck in toxic environmentsLearn more about Mita Mallick:Connect with Mita on LinkedInBrown Table Talk PodcastReimagine Inclusion: Debunking 13 Myths to Transform Your WorkplaceLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email.Resources:Glossy: Ambition, Beauty, and the Inside Story of Emily Weiss's Glossier, Marisa MeltzerSia - UnstoppableBreaking Bad

Do you feel frustrated by recurring struggles with self-doubt, hypervigilance, and overwhelm?Behind many of your inner doubts, self-judgements, fears, and insecurities lie echoes from old betrayals or relational hurts.These breaches of trust in important relationships don't necessarily lose their impact on how you lead and work just because they happened a long time ago.So when you're doing something new or high stakes, or there's an experience in a relationship at work or in your personal life, or you respond to a collective trauma that taps the echoes of your old wound, it can bring up old ways of responding or old patterns that impact how you honor your boundaries and values. And the expectation that you should ‘be over this by now' when you are human and working with others adds to your stress and frustration.But the reality is that healing from relational wounds and betrayal traumas often comes in stages and seasons, and you may need support along the way.Deran Young is a licensed therapist, New York Times Best-Selling Author, former military mental health officer, and the founder of Black Therapists Rock. This nonprofit organization mobilizes over 30,000 mental health professionals committed to reducing the psychological impact of systemic oppression and intergenerational trauma.She obtained her social work degree from the University of Texas, where she studied abroad in Ghana, West Africa for two semesters, creating a high school counseling center for under-resourced students. She is a highly sought-after diversity and inclusion consultant working with companies like Facebook, Linked In, Field Trip Health, and YWCA. Deran has become a leading influencer and public figure committed to spreading mental health awareness and improving health equity.Listen to the full episode to hear:The importance of learning to recognize the cultural and familial legacy burdens that impact usHow shame and an inability to be vulnerable shut down speaking the truth about cultural and personal historiesHow early relational trauma can lead people to feeling out of place, not just at home, but in the world at largeWhy our earliest experiences with our caregivers have such a deep impact on our relationships later in lifeThe lasting impact of the roles we take on as children in dysfunctional families in how we lead ourselves and othersHow cultural expectations and perfectionism can dehumanize mothers and leadersThe potential for psychedelic-assisted therapy to change our relationships with our burdensLearn more about Deran Young:Black Therapists RockInstagram: @blacktherapistsrockTikTok: @blacktherapistsrockBlack Therapists Rock Facebook GroupFollow Deran on FacebookLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional FamiliesThe Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer, Harvey KarpThe Gifts of Imperfection, Brené BrownDaring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, Brené BrownRage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger, Soraya ChemalyEP 73: The Potential of Psychedelics to Help and Heal with Victor CabralWhole Brain Living: The Anatomy of Choice and the Four Characters That Drive Our Life, Jill Bolte TaylorBeyoncé - COZYElemental

Have you ever done something steadily, week in and week out, for a period of time?What did you learn about yourself and the world around you in the process? Was there anything that came up that surprised you?Putting in consistent reps and hundreds of hours towards something inevitably shapes and changes you, and producing this show has been no different for me.Today I'm celebrating the 100th episode of The Unburdened Leader by sharing some behind-the-scenes stories, learnings, and reflections from starting a podcast in a pandemic to the pillars and themes of the show that have stood out over time.Listen to the full episode to hear:How unburdened leaders shape healing and growth through vulnerability and a willingness to be uncomfortableHow wrestling with perfectionism in the beginning has eased into taking actual pleasure in the process of working on the showThe positive impact of finding certainty anchors in the rhythms of productionHow good questions beget good questions, and how that guides who I want to have on the showLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Yellow House MediaInternal Family SystemsGlass Onion

Have you ended a relationship to get relief from tension and conflict?Do you struggle with developing a clear sense of boundaries around what's your responsibility and what's not, especially when feeling responsible for how others think and feel? When relationships are toxic, abusive, and oppressive and the other person does not have the interest or capacity to work on the relationship, ending the relationship can bring grief but also relief, emotional healing, and health.But when you regularly use emotional cutoffs to protect yourself from hurt and discomfort, you create a world that feels dangerous and small when the slightest sense of conflict or overwhelm arises. But if two people can come together with clear boundaries, shared values, compassion, curiosity, humility, and support to work through conflict and disagreement, an emotional cut-off may become unnecessary.My guest today returns to the podcast to share his experience of an incident that could have ended his relationship with his father, and how they both committed to working through the conflict to maintain their connection, even through their differences.Jonathan Merritt is a prolific and trusted writer on faith, culture, and politics whose articles have appeared regularly in outlets such as The Atlantic, The New York Times, USA Today, Christianity Today, and The Washington Post. He is the author of numerous critically acclaimed books, including Learning to Speak God from Scratch: Why Sacred Words are Vanishing and How We Can Revive Them, which was named Book of the Year by Englewood Review of Books. He is also author of the forthcoming children's book, My Guncle and Me, releasing in May 2024. Jonathan has become a popular speaker at conferences, colleges, and churches and guest commentary on CNN, Fox News, CNN, NPR, PBS, and ABC World News. He holds graduate degrees from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary and Emory University's Candler School of Theology.Listen to the full episode to hear:How being publicly outed forced Jonathan into a reckoning with his faith, his identity, and his family and communityThe role that dreams and expectations play in the way both parents and children respond to fundamental differences between themWhy an expectation of change cannot be a prerequisite for a relationshipWhy Jonathan says he and his father fight with each other in private and for each other in publicWhy finding healthy surrogates or outlets for processing is vital for healing when we truly can't continue the relationshipNavigating past avoidance and confrontation to renegotiating the relationship with necessary boundaries and guardrailsHow “flash-card faith” stifles the questioning and openness to possibilities that underpin trust and faith and breeds binary divisivenessLearn more about Jonathan Merritt:WebsiteFacebook: @JonathanMerrittWriterInstagram: @jonathan_merrittTwitter: @JonathanMerrittLearning to Speak God from Scratch: Why Sacred Words Are Vanishing–and How We Can Revive ThemPreorder My Guncle and MeLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Bowen Family SystemsFaith does not live by answers alone, Jonathan MerrittThe Artist's Way, Julia CameronWrite for Life: Creative Tools for Every Writer, Julia CameronMother, Nature: A 5,000-Mile Journey to Discover If a Mother and Son Can Survive Their Differences, Jedidiah JenkinsDarlin' (Christmas is Coming), Over the RhineIf We Make It Through December, Phoebe BridgersIf We Make It Through December, Merle HaggardJulia

What is your relationship with conflict and disagreement?Do you see conflict as bad or dangerous or simply a natural part of relationships and being in a group or on a team?What helps you move through conflict and differences of opinion when things are heavy and charged? Do you avoid it at all costs? Or do you try to be a peacemaker and help everyone feel heard? Or do you dive right into the arena and take a stand for what you believe? You probably vacillate between all of these depending on the topic, the people you are around, how you experienced conflict growing up, and the combination of your unique personality, temperament, gender, race, class, etc.Today's guest shares a framework that offers a way to contain our overwhelm into some actionable practices that can help you connect to your purpose and your values while navigating the discomfort of disagreement, high-stakes decisions, and deep exhaustion.Deepa Iyer is a South Asian American writer, strategist, and lawyer. Deepa leads projects on solidarity and social movements at the Building Movement Project, a national nonprofit organization. She conducts workshops and trainings, uplifts narratives through the Solidarity Is This podcast, and facilitates solidarity strategy for cohorts and networks.Deepa's first book, We Too Sing America: South Asian, Arab, Muslim, and Sikh Immigrants Shape Our Multiracial Future, chronicles community-based histories in the wake of 9/11 and received a 2016 American Book Award. Deepa's most recent book, a guide based on the social change ecosystem map that she created, is called Social Change Now: A Guide for Reflection and Connection.Listen to the full episode to hear:The three main components of an ecosystem-based approach to social changeHow an ecosystem creates a container where we can have uncomfortable conversations around our valuesWhy a clash in values isn't an indicator of an unhealthy ecosystemHow ecosystems for social justice allow us to play to our strengths even in urgent times sustainablyQuestions to ask and red flags of an unhealthy ecosystemWhy finding joy in the midst of heartbreak is essential to sustainable movementsWhy it's key to consider who holds power inside and outside an ecosystem when calling out bad behavior or policyLearn more about Deepa Iyer:WebsiteSolidarity Is This PodcastWe Too Sing America: South Asian, Arab, Muslim, and Sikh Immigrants Shape Our Multiracial FutureSocial Change Now: A Guide for Reflection and ConnectionInstagram: @deepaviyerX: @dviyerLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:(Un)known Project TrailSolidarity Is This: Truth Telling From The Banks of the Ohio River with Hannah Drake and Josh MillerMeena AlexanderHonor, Thrity UmrigarThe Hundred Years' War on Palestine: A History of Settler Colonialism and Resistance, 1917-2017, Rashid KhalidiThe Mountain Goats - This YearBorgenThe Outsiders, S.E. HintonNothing Gold Can Stay, Robert FrostThe Social Change MapBuilding Movement Project

Do you find yourself in a constant state of proving? Proving that you are a good enough leader, parent, partner, fill in the blank? Do you know what drives your need to prove to others and yourself? When does the need to prove you are good enough and worthy enough show up the most? At work, in your relationships with others, or maybe in your relationship with yourself?When you fall into a constant state of proving your worthiness and value, your unaddressed relational wounds fuel an excessive need for validation and recognition from those around you that exhausts and leaves you in an excessive loop of hustling, anxiety, and doubt. But when you commit to doing the work to understand your underlying motivations to constantly prove yourself, you can release these burdens and develop a more secure, confident approach to leadership, relationships, and conflict resolution in all areas of your life.Arielle ​Estoria (she/her) is a poet, author, actor, and model. Her motto, "Words not for the ears but for the soul" stems from her dedication to remind anyone who encounters her work that words are meant to be felt and experienced not just heard, with a specific heart in empowering, encouraging and making space for audiences of women to feel free and at home in their own bodies.Arielle has shared her work through custom spoken word pieces, workshops and themed keynote talks with companies such as Google, Sofar Sounds, Lululemon, Dressember, Tedx, the SKIMS campaign by Kim Kardashian and more. She has consecutively emceed annual conferences and has led various writing, embodiment and self-acceptance workshops in various settings ranging from students to professional development spaces.Listen to the full episode to hear:How Arielle has worked to cut ties with people pleasing and learned not to constantly explain herselfHow Arielle defines “secure proving” versus “insecure proving” in her lifeHow we can try so hard to prove ourselves that we forget the self we're trying to proveBalancing performance and authenticity online, and how social media makes it hard to show up as your full selfHow Arielle defines success for herself, outside of the linear path through life that she was taughtLearn more about Arielle Estoria:WebsiteInstagram: @arielleestoriaVagabonds and ZealotsWrite Bloody, Spill PrettyThe UnfoldingLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Thicker Than Water: A Memoir, Kerry WashingtonCleo WadeSula, Toni MorrisonJamila WoodsMaddie ZahmReservation DogsOnly Murders in the Building

What is your relationship with your anger? How much of your stress and exhaustion is fueled by repressed anger and rage? And how do you respond when those around you express anger?Our experiences early in life, experiences at our places of work and education, and our conditioning from culture all play significant roles in how we view and respond to anger and rage within and around us. And for women–especially Black and brown women–we learn our anger and rage come off as unbecoming and distancing, which can be the death of a promotion, a deal, or financial advancement.Many experience firsthand the negative impact of expressing our anger, which can bring about a dangerous backlash that can impact not only our well-being but also our safety. But when we shift the focus from seeing anger solely as dangerous or something to be feared and instead befriend and learn from it, so much changes in how we lead and do life.Today's guest wrote a beautifully written and well-cited book documenting the impact of suppressed rage in women on themselves and those around them. Soraya Chemaly is an award-winning author and activist. She writes and speaks frequently on topics related to gender norms, inclusivity, social justice, free speech, sexualized violence, and technology. She is the former Executive Director of The Representation Project and Director and Co-Founder of the Women's Media Center Speech Project, and also the author of Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger, which was recognized as a Best Book of 2018 by the Washington Post, Fast Company, Psychology Today, and NPR.  Listen to the full episode to hear:How suppressing anger harms more than just the individualHow rage is justified and tolerated differently for men and womenHow niceness and a focus on the feelings of others is socialized into girls from an early ageThe anger that hides underneath stress, disappointment, and other ways women minimize their angerThe long-term impacts and risks of suppressed anger on physical and mental healthLearn more about Soraya Chemaly:WebsiteInstagram: @sorayachemaly​​Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's AngerLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Braving the Wilderness, Brené BrownReproduction, Louisa HallDo You Know Me By Heart, Cameron AveryJames Blake - Say What You WillImogen Heap - Hide And Seek

When you experience injustice, how do you respond? Do you immediately speak up and fight back?Maybe you get introspective and go deep into reflection, weighing out different options and scenarios before deciding how or whether to take action. Or do you suppress your authentic emotions and maintain a facade until you have figured out your next move?Many factors inform how you respond to threats and injustice–your values, life experiences, personality and temperament, identities, and privileges–to name just a few.Today's guest moved me profoundly with his responses in the days, weeks, and months following the January 6th insurrection in the face of many critics, threats, and risks. Not speaking up would have felt inauthentic for him, leaving him feeling out of alignment.New York Times best selling author, Harry Dunn,served in the United States Capitol Police from 2008 to 2023. He has been on duty for presidential inaugurations, joint sessions of Congress, State of the Union addresses as well as hundreds of peaceful protests and demonstrations.For his role defending the Capitol on January 6, 2021, Dunn received the Presidential Citizens Medal, the Congressional Gold Medal, the Capitol Police Service Medal, the Capitol Police Achievement Medal, the Gus Heningburg Award from the African American Chamber of Commerce in New Jersey, and the Concerned Black Men Award. He has been outspoken about his experience, testifying in congressional hearings and speaking in the media about the violence he experienced that day and its aftermath.His memoir, Standing My Ground: A Capitol Officer's Fight for Accountability and Good Trouble After January 6th provides a firsthand account of what happened that day and the ramifications it has on our political and legal systems, democracy, communities, and individuals. Listen to the full episode to hear:How Officer Dunn knew he needed to move from isolated and processing the events to speaking outHow Officer Dunn has navigated using his anger a purposeful forceThe fine balancing act of speaking as a citizen versus as a Capitol Police officer as he took his story publicHow speaking out and testifying at trials and in front of Congress was both a painful and ultimately healing experienceThe values and faith in democracy that keep Officer Dunn going back to work at the CapitolLearn more about Office Harry Dunn:Twitter: @libradunnStanding My Ground: A Capitol Police Officer's Fight for Accountability and Good Trouble After January 6thLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Michael Jackson - We're Almost ThereSaturday Night LiveBlack Panther: Wakanda Forever

What worked for you in 2023? What did not work this year? What data did you collect about yourself, your work, and your relationships? What do you want to take into 2024, and what do you want to leave behind? Yes, it's that time of year when I share one of my favorite and most fruitful practices of looking back and looking forward - my annual debrief.  My debrief practice teaches me the power of pausing, reflecting  - especially on my words of the year, and honoring lessons learned, victories achieved, and wounds that need care so I can look forward more clearly and confidently. And this year taught me a lot. Listen to the full episode to hear: How focusing on space and pace challenged my tendency to associate my identity with what I do The challenges that came up as I really forced myself to slow down and reflect on what I want life to look like in an upcoming season of transition Experiences this year that were fun, healing, and joyful The practices and supports I'm carrying forward into 2024 What aspects of Space and Pace are bearing fruit as 2023 comes to a close and what I'm focusing on for 2024 Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.com Work With Rebecca Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: How I've Changed My Thinking About Burnout, Anne Helen Petersen On the life that wants to live in you., Laura McKowen Parker Palmer Stephen Covey Conspirituality Maintenance Phase Why Is This Happening? with Rachel Maddow ​​Prequel: An American Fight Against Fascism, Rachel Maddow Friends Nyad Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.  Sitting in Bars with Cake  Air Cocaine Bear You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah Boston Strangler Old Dads  Barbie Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania The Flash Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny Finding You Somebody I Used to Know Fleishman Is in Trouble Based on a True Story The Power Deadloch The Diplomat Wednesday Shiny Happy People: Duggar Family Secrets The Murdaugh Murders The Last of Us Case Histories The Tower Class of '07 Jury Duty Hunters You Painkiller Daisy Jones & The Six Bosch: Legacy Only Murders in the Building Lessons in Chemistry The Morning Show Shrinking The Lincoln Lawyer Bodies Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story The Mother Billions Ted Lasso  The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Barry Perry Mason Glamorous Firefly Lane Alaska Daily Sweet Magnolias Virgin River The Summer I Turned Pretty And Just Like That... The Real Housewives of New York City

As you approach the new year, do you focus on results-oriented New Year's resolutions, or do you prefer to set broader intentions for the year?In a time where we are overbooked, over-committed, and weighed down by all that is going on in the world, messages promising the results we crave can make us vulnerable to feeling like we are doing something wrong for feeling out of sorts because we do not do life in a prescribed manner.So many offerings are a recipe for failing in our hopes for end-of-the-year plans.Yet, finding a focused practice for examining how you manage your time and make decisions that align with your values and how you live and experience life can delight you while bringing you clarity in a chaotic world.Ali Edwards is the founder and CEO of Ali Edwards Designs. Her passion resides in that very special place where the stories and images of life intersect. Her work includes writing, photography, teaching and memory keeping product design.Listen to the full episode to hear: How Ali's background in graphic design influenced the visual storytelling of memory keeping Why Ali is drawn to the everyday stories and not just big milestone moments How Ali decides what to share publicly and what to keep private How Ali handles consent in documenting the lives of her kids and family How the shift from blogging to social media has shaped what and how Ali shares from her life Why Ali chooses a word to guide her year  How Ali stays grounded while “taking the temperature” of those around her Learn more about Ali Edwards: Website Instagram: @aliedwards Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.com Work With Rebecca Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents,Lisa Damour Remarkably Bright Creatures, Shelby Van Pelt David Kushner - Daylight The Bear Jury Duty  The Goonies Sixteen Candles

Have you ever felt like what you are known for does not fit you anymore? Or maybe you feel like it is time to change your professional focus, but you question whether you have the credentials or whether people will take seriously the shifts you want to make.So many of us experience angst when we want to change things up in our work and life.We change as we move through life. Change is part of our developmental life cycle. And when we change, our work and the businesses we run also change as a result.But there is immense pressure to stay on a linear path in our careers and businesses that just doesn't match up with the fact of our dynamic and ever-changing lives. And our mental wellbeing suffers from the lack of understanding of how we grow and change personally, which in turn impacts how we lead ourselves, others, and our businesses.We need to normalize and create better supports for these inevitable seasons of growth and the grief and vulnerability that come with them.Today's guest is a longtime friend and colleague who recently announced that she had shut down her business so that she could shift her focus away from what she had been known for her entire career to something new.Brigitte Lyons founded Podcast Ally, the agency where she spent her days focusing on the strategic direction of the company, clearing the way for a fully remote team to the deep work that drove the business forward. Brigitte recently announced that she shut down her company, and at the time of recording, reached an agreement to sell the brand and IP she built at Podcast Ally. She has an extensive background in public relations, working in agencies and also running her own PR business.Listen to the full episode to hear: Why Brigitte worked through the impulse to burn it all down and gave herself space to fully consider closing her business How Brigitte realized that she loved her business and her team, but could take or leave the work How Brigitte came to the realization that her company no longer fit her priorities and lifestyle Why it was important to Brigitte to be transparent with her employees as she was deciding the future of the company How Brigitte built a team that stuck with her through the process of deciding to close Why it's important to understand the distinction between what you're passionate about and what you're good at Learn more about Brigitte Lyons:Connect with Brigitte on LinkedInLearn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.com Work With Rebecca Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Erik Erikson Dare to Lead - Brené Brown EP 85: Team Habits: Redefining Workplace Dynamics with Charlie Gilkey Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, Gabrielle Zevin Janelle Monáe, Jidenna - Yoga  Barbie Star Wars

What is your relationship with money?Do you have a healthy or neutral relationship with money? Or do you fall into the common extremes of worrying about it, constantly thinking about acquiring more money, or avoiding knowing what is happening with your finances or checking out on your responsibilities around money? And what is your relationship with giving away your money? Is it part of a spiritual practice, a tax write-off, or an extension of your values? We learn early how wealth can impact our future trajectory, well-being, and ability to earn and save it. And there are constant opportunities to donate our money–to charities, to politics, to nonprofits, to do something good and get a tax write-off. It feels good to feel like we're doing something to help.But we also don't have to look far to find critiques of social programs supporting those who lack essential resources or critiques of the many tax loopholes the wealthiest in our country benefit from, especially when it comes to philanthropic giving. Today's guest helps connect the dots on how our relationships with money and the industry of philanthropy needs to change.Edgar Villanueva is an award-winning author, activist, and expert on race, wealth, and philanthropy issues. Villanueva is the Principal of the Decolonizing Wealth Project and Liberated Capital and the author of the bestselling book Decolonizing Wealth (2018, 2021). He advises various organizations, including national and global philanthropies, Fortune 500 companies, and entertainment, on social impact strategies to advance racial equity from within and through their investment strategies. Villanueva holds a BSPH and MHA from the Gillings Global School of Public Health at The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. He is an enrolled member of the Lumbee Tribe and resides in New York City.Listen to the full episode to hear: Why we need to recognize that colonialism–past and present–is systemic in our social and political institutions How to begin healing from an extractive and exploitative definition of money to a version that honors what we value Why acknowledgment and grief need to happen before we jump to take action How to enter a process of decolonization without appropriation or getting bogged down in guilt The profound impacts of colonialism on philanthropy and charity in concept and practice in the United States How we can begin to invest differently in charitable giving to make real impacts Learn more about Edgar Villaneuva: Decolonizing Wealth Project Decolonizing Wealth, Second Edition: Indigenous Wisdom to Heal Divides and Restore Balance Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.com Work With Rebecca Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Money as Medicine Sand Talk: How Indigenous Thinking Can Save the World, Tyson Yunkaporta Beyoncé - BREAK MY SOUL Reservation Dogs Dirty Dancing

When you see a need, what do you do? Do you jump in and try to solve the problem? Or do you think about it for a while and workshop all the options and scenarios in your head before deciding whether to take action or not? Both ways can be valid, needed, and valuable. And both have their pitfalls. When we jump in to solve a need or problem, we can end up on a path to a crash course in humble pie and hard learnings on the go that can often do harm to others. Yet thoughtful consideration can often lead to failing to take action and falling into complacency. Or even worse, you tap out all together because you feel like your voice, your vote, your time, or your resources will not make a difference.But we can't stop caring or tap out. The stakes are too high.My guest today challenges this complacency–especially right now when so much is at stake here in the United States. She built an organization that has room for all levels of involvement no matter your resources and your capacity.Shannon Watts is widely known as a “summoner of women's audacity.” As the Founder of Moms Demand Action, Watts was named one of Time Magazine's 100 Most Influential People, a Forbes 50 over 50 Changemaker, and a Glamour Woman of the Year. She is the author of Fight Like a Mother: How a Grassroots Movement Took on the Gun Lobby and Why Women Will Change the World.Listen to the full episode to hear: How Shannon transmuted her fear into anger and action in the aftermath of Sandy Hook Facing the reality that none of us are safe until all of us are safe and how it impacts activism Why cultivating joy and celebrating successes is integral to sustaining movements How the concept of losing forward helps activists play the long game  How Shannon has navigated burnout and managing the needs of her family against her activism Why Shannon passed the leadership baton for Moms Demand Action after 10 years The role of privilege in being an activist and how white women can do better Learn more about Shannon Watts: Website Substack Moms Demand Action Text READY to 64433 to get in touch with a volunteer Instagram: @shannonrwatts Fight Like a Mother Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.com Work With Rebecca Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: EP 63: How Choosing Nice Can Lead to More Harm with Jenny Booth Potter EP 88: Navigating Leadership Dynamics with Dr. Cedar Barstow Pooja Lakshmin Jessica Valenti Maria Shriver Paul Russell - Lil Boo Thang The Bear Reservation Dogs Footloose Everytown

When people talk about gender bias and sexism, what comes to mind? Are you clear about when gender bias happens to you and around you? Or does it feel so common it's hard to discern?The mixed messages about how to respond to gender bias and sexism keep us flailing, even when there are efforts to make meaningful change. We need to make these changes at all levels of leadership and as long the burden to make the changes continues to be on those who have been harmed, nothing will change.When we gather collectively, we are a force. And yet, internalized misogyny gets in the way. Until we see how gender bias impacts us all, we will continue to turn on each other, whether directly or by supporting those with counter interests to our own.Today's guest offers us language and a framework to help address gender bias through tangible practices and language to help us understand the many nuances and complexities around identifying gender bias–in ourselves and others–and how we can make actionable change.Amy Diehl, PhD, is an award-winning information technology leader, currently serving as Chief Information Officer at Wilson College in Pennsylvania and is a gender equity researcher and author of the new book Glass Walls: Shattering the Six Gender Bias Barriers Still Holding Women Back at Work. She has also written numerous scholarly journal articles and book chapters. Her writing has appeared in Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, and Ms. Magazine. She is also a sought-after speaker, consultant, and lawsuit expert witness.Listen to the full episode to hear: Defining gender bias and the six primary barriers that impact women in the workplace, regardless of industry How researching gender bias in the workplace has helped Amy make sense of her own experiences How gender bias impacts all women, even if they don't recognize it as such How the sub-barriers of acquiescence cause women to individualize systemic problems Why leaders need to take responsibility for the cultural norms in their work environments Two kinds of hostility that women enact towards each other  What a truly supportive and inclusive workplace could look like Learn more about Amy Diehl, PhD: Website Twitter: @amydiehl Instagram: @amydiehlphd Connect with Amy on LinkedIn Glass Walls: Shattering the Six Gender Bias Barriers Still Holding Women Back at Work Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.com Work With Rebecca Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Prey Tell: Why We Silence Women Who Tell the Truth and How Everyone Can Speak Up, Tiffany Bluhm Good for a Girl: A Woman Running in a Man's World, Lauren Fleshman Choosing to Run,Des Linden and Bonnie D. Ford The Longest Race: Inside the Secret World of Abuse, Doping, and Deception on Nike's Elite Running Team, Kara Goucher and Mary Pilon Dirty Dancing

Would you call yourself a powerful person? Do you trust yourself with power? Does owning your power feel a bit like holding a hot potato?The many ways we learn about power–often by having it taken away from us, seeing it taken away from others, or seeing people go to great lengths to take and keep power, no matter the cost or casualties–understandably influence our understanding of power for the worse. We have benefitted from many pioneering scholars and social justice leaders who deeply embraced their personal power in the face of systemic abuses. These leaders saw personal power as a birthright and generative, not as something to fear.Owning your power can feel liberating. It's liberating to no longer live from a burdened sense that we are flawed for doubting ourselves or that we are in deficit because we feel shut down and stuck in our pain and the pain around us..Today's guest has a lens on power that runs contrary to what many of us have been taught about. She believes that personal power is not something to gain but something you already have and intrinsic to who you are. She sees power itself as neutral. Dr. Cedar Barstow has a long-time devotion to helping people own and use their power wisely and well.  Her book, Right Use of Power: The Heart of Ethics and engaging courses are offered through the Right Use of Power Institute.  In addition to being founder of Right Use of Power Institute, Cedar's background includes being a Hakomi Mindful Somatic Therapy trainer and therapist, and an ethics consultant.  She lives with her husband, Dr. Reynold Feldman, in Boulder, Colorado.Listen to the full episode to hear: Why leaders need understand the overlap of ethics and power Breaking down the definitions of power and ethics and how they impact our relationships Why Dr. Barstow believes we need to focus on our own personal power The potential consequences of trying too hard to flatten role power and why we need to reconsider hierarchy as a neutral tool The impacts of status, collective, and systemic power What the 150% principle teaches us about managing conflicts and grievances How the spiral down process can help us productively reflect on conflict  Learn more about Dr. Cedar Barstow: Right Use of Power Institute Right Use of Power: The Heart of Ethics: A Guide and Resource for Professional Relationships Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.com Work With Rebecca Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Confidence Culture, Shani Orgad and Rosalind Gill See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love Valarie Kaur EP 70: Getting out of Shame and Into Power with Kelly Diels The Covenant of Water, Abraham Verghese Transatlantic Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.

Do you know if you have ever been a part of a cultish or high-demand community? Do you know what qualities to look for in a high-demand community?High-demand communities may bring images of cults with extreme behaviors, demands, and rituals to your mind. But when you examine the communities you love, some fall on the spectrum of cultish or high-demand communities. Cultish and high-demand communities fall on a spectrum, and not everyone associated with a group or organization with those tendencies necessarily falls into the trance of these spaces–but many of us do–often without noticing. Today's guest got me thinking more about the high-demand or cultish communities we choose. His most recent book was inspired by his experience watching the January 6th insurrection on TV and wondering if he had not left his high-demand faith community, would he have been at the US Capitol with many who showed up that day, including some from his former community.Bradley Onishi is a social commentator, scholar, writer, teacher, coach, and co-host of the Straight White American Jesus (SWAJ) podcast. In everything he does, Bradley seeks to make the strange familiar and the familiar strange by providing insight into life's most fundamental questions. He often speaks about topics related to the radical conservatism and extremist religions that shape our world, some of it right in our own neighborhoods. He is the author of Preparing for War: The Extremist History of White Christian Nationalism – And What Comes Next.Listen to the full episode to hear: Defining white Christian nationalism and why it's key to understand the role of whiteness in its ideology How nostalgia is manufactured and co-opted to sell a mythology of what America was and could be again How Christian nationalism is more mainstream than we want to believe Why we need to keep talking about January 6 How authoritarianism makes itself appealing in times of anxiety and fear The rise of purity culture and how it is fundamentally tied to white Christian nationalism Learn more about Bradley Onishi: Website Straight White American Jesus Podcast Instagram: @straightwhitejc Preparing for War: The Extremist History of White Christian Nationalism--And What Comes Next Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.com Work With Rebecca Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism, Amanda Montell Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free, Linda Kay Klein Evangelical Christian Women: War Stories in the Gender Battles, Julie Ingersoll Sara Moslener Middlesex, Jeffrey Eugenides Hitler's American Model: The United States and the Making of Nazi Race Law, James Q Whitman Inspector Maigret Omnibus: Volume 1: Pietr the Latvian; The Hanged Man of Saint-Pholien; The Carter of 'la Providence', Georges Simenon Ted Lasso Succession Back to the Future The Karate Kid

Your relationship with grief impacts all your relationships - whether you know it or not. While the experience of grief is universal, we still react to grief in ways that often stigmatize and alienate our grief or the grief of others in the name of professionalism, boundaries, and self-protection. And when we face a loss from suicide and all the layers and nuances of this particular type of loss, it can bring up a lot for us and those we lead. Disenfranchised grief refers to a loss that's not openly acknowledged, socially mourned, or publicly supported–you can see how bereavement by suicide fits one of the most common causes of disenfranchised grief. When people who have lost someone to suicide feel like they cannot talk about their loss without judgment or criticism, disenfranchised grief festers. It can lead to complicated grief, where our recovery and healing become persistent and debilitating to basic day-to-day functioning over a long period of time.The deep discomfort, shame, and stigma associated with suicide can make it difficult to discuss, so that when you experience bereavement by suicide, you often feel isolated at a time when you carry deep hurt. On today's show, you will hear from someone I have known for over two decades who has consistently and steadfastly led with transparency and authenticity no matter what showed up in her life. Kathy Escobar is co-founder of The Refuge, a hub for healing community, social action, and creative collaboration and #communityheals: Making Spaces for Transformation Accessible for All, non-profits in North Denver, CO. She's a pastor, writer, spiritual director, podcaster, and advocate and author of several books, including Practicing: Changing Yourself to Change the World and Faith Shift: Finding Your Way Forward When Everything you Believe is Coming Apart. Content note: Extensive discussion of grief and suicide. Please take care of yourself as you listen.Listen to the full episode to hear: How speaking the truth about her son's death became part of how Kathy and her family survived it Why it's so problematic that we create a split within ourselves as we experience grief What's really at stake when grief remains submerged How shame shows up with grief, especially in bereavement by suicide Why Kathy says there's not getting through grief, only learning to live with the rhythms of it Why we need to get comfortable with the paradoxes of living with grief How Kathy reconciles realism with hope Learn more about Kathy Escobar: Website Facebook: @kathyescobarauthor Instagram: @kathyescobarpublic Twitter: @kathyescobar Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.com Work With Rebecca Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: The Wisdom of Your Body: Finding Healing, Wholeness, and Connection Through Embodied Living, Hillary L. McBride

Groups are a microcosm of life and the greater systems in which we live and work.  We learn so much about ourselves and others in groups. They refine our leadership and communication skills. They highlight our growth edges and our capacity for conflict. And they can bring out the best - and the worst - in us, sometimes at lightning speed. So many of us can recall frustrating and, too often, harmful experiences working in teams. Whether it's a team member that drags everyone down without support or burdened systems, rules, and bureaucracies that stifle creativity and energy, the words “group project” bring up a lot of feelings.What comes up when you think about your group or team experiences? And when preparing to join or lead a group or a team, what fears or concerns go through your mind?Today, I'm excited to welcome back Charlie Gilkey to discuss his new book, Team Habits. He addresses many of the pain points and fears many of us hold when it comes to working in teams with actionable ways to make meaningful change in our team habits.Charlie Gilkey helps people start finishing the stuff that matters. He's the founder of Productive Flourishing, author of the book Start Finishing and The Small Business Lifecycle, and host of the Productive Flourishing podcast. Before starting Productive Flourishing, Charlie worked as a Joint Force Military Logistics Coordinator while simultaneously pursuing a PhD in Philosophy. He lives with his wife, Angela, in Portland, Oregon.Listen to the full episode to hear:How attachment to titles and structures makes us feel like we don't have agency in our teams at workHow work is inherently relational and why it matters how we show up for each otherWhy efforts to democratize corporate structures have to consider the emotional and social components of decision-makingHow solid team habits protect against one person dragging down the groupThe difference between the values on the floor and the values on the wall, and why we need to bring them togetherHow small, mundane changes make significant impact to your team culture over timeWhy we need to be able to show up as our full selves in our teamsLearn more about Charlie Gilkey:Better Team HabitsProductive FlourishingTwitter: @CharlieGilkeyInstagram: @productiveflourishingFacebook: @ProductiveFlourishingConnect with Charlie on LinkedInLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Subtract: The Untapped Science of Less, Leidy KlotzManagement by objectives

When you look back on your career trajectory, what do you notice? Do you see an even trajectory in your career path? Or has your career taken some hard curves outside of the expected norms? What can seem like a setback in our planned career path can sometimes lead us to experiences that we would never have pursued - opening us up to ideas and possibilities that we would never have imagined.It is moments like these that can often help us break free from the machine of proving, striving, and grinding and actually reconnect to who we truly are and what we really want to contribute with our lives.  Of course it's true that setbacks in our professional plans can be costly, painful, and downright scary. Some of the pain of setbacks can take a toll on our confidence and well-being and finances. But the time between paths, as we hop off the hamster wheels of shoulds to figure out who we are and what we want to do, isn't wasted.Today's guest has moved through deep disappointment when the job she had been working towards suddenly fell through. And she has also co-founded a female-led tech business with a commitment to mental well-being with her staff by cultivating an environment where everyone feels valued, heard, and motivated to contribute their unique skills and perspectives. Martha Bitar is the CEO of Flodesk, a visually stunning and user-friendly platform that helps creators sell online and design emails people love to get. Martha is known for her passion for people, design, and helping small business owners succeed.Listen to the full episode to hear:How Martha conflated her worthiness with professional accomplishment, and the moment she finally paused to ask herself what she really wantedHow reconnecting with her body and her physical reactions helped steer Martha towards work that actually excited herWhy Martha is so passionate about helping small businesses make the most of email marketingThe values that Martha and her co-founder deliberately infused into Flodesk from the beginningWhy Martha says that Flodesk does not have a culture and how it impacts their hiring practicesHow Flodesk strives to support the true wellbeing of their team membersLearn more about Martha Bitar:FlodeskInstagram: @flodeskLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:The Baddies, Julia Donaldson and Axel SchefflerForrest Gump

Do you have a relationship with play?Do you integrate time to play into your life around work and rest?Or does play feel elusive or like a luxury?If it does, you're not alone.So many of us are weary and weighed down, trying to stay afloat while keeping up with life, work, and being engaged citizens. And we live in a culture that continues to prioritize work and productivity over play and rest.But building a relationship with play can be an antidote to toxic hustle productivity. And play can help quiet the noise in our minds and temporarily distract us from our burdens, leaving us in a better place to come back and tackle them.Today, I'm so excited to dig into the benefits of play with Gary Ware.Gary Ware, the Founder of Breakthrough Play, is a corporate facilitator, keynote speaker,certified coach, and author of the book Playful Rebellion: Maximize Workplace Success Through The Power of Play. Gary has over 14 years of experience in the corporate world holding various leadership positions. Gary also comes with nearly a decade of experience as a performer in improv theater.After experiencing burnout in his pursuit for success and happiness, he realized that what was missing was play. Committing to a life of play is what led Gary to discover his passion for facilitating. Gary uses the power of applied improvisation and other playful methods to assist people in unlocking creativity, confidence, and better communication. Gary was recently featured as one of the Top 100 HR influencers of 2021 by the Engagedly HR software platform. When Gary isn't leading workshops or speaking, you can find him learning magic or off on an adventure with his wife Courtney and sons Garrett and Cameron.Listen to the full episode to hear:Why Gary defines play as an accelerantHow we become play-deprived and how that contributes to burnoutWhy adults need to reclaim play and rebel against productivity cultureTips for bringing play into your work life and enlivening meetingsWhy play needs to be an invitation and you can't just book a ropes course Three major barriers to play and their antidotesHow to find micro moments of play and rest in your dayLearn more about Gary Ware:Breakthrough PlayInstagram: @garyware Connect with Gary on LinkedInPlayful Rebellion: Maximize Workplace Success Through The Power of PlayLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Hilton CarterPlay: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul, Stuart Brown7 Gems Of Intercultural Creativity, Genein LetfordTed LassoReal Genius

Have you ever wondered if you are too much or too needy? We carry a lot of baggage around our needs, others' needs, and the many mixed messages about having needs but doing everything possible to not be seen as ‘being needy'.The result? A relentless pursuit to keep our needs hidden, fueling feelings of scarcity, shame, and worry.But needs are an inherent part of being human.In a society that has weaponized needs so that if you need, you are “needy,” the idea of expressing our needs even evokes fear and shame.And we've created a moral binary around needs–good to have needs, bad to be needy, or good to help people but bad to be helped–which is exhausting and only serves to prop up the myth of rugged individualism.Today's guest joins me for a deep dive exploring our complicated relationship with needs and neediness. Mara Glatzel is the author of the book Needy, and we're digging into how we come to see our needs as problems, as objects of shame, as feelings to heal or to banish, instead of as natural and normal.Mara Glatzel, MSW (she/her) is an author, intuitive coach, and podcast host who helps humans stop abandoning themselves and start reclaiming their humanity through embracing their needs and honoring their natural energy rhythms. Her superpower is saying what you need to hear when you need to hear it and she is here to help you believe in yourself as much as she believes in you. Listen to the full episode to hear:How expressing our needs is rooted in a desire to be known, prioritized, and to feel like we matterThe social and cultural barriers to truly claiming and expressing our needsHow prioritizing and centering your needs challenges the narrative that your value is in what you can doHow we can validate others' needs without necessarily having the capacity to meet themKey practices for identifying and honoring your needs and building your capacity for discomfortDifferentiating between self-responsibility and hyper-individualismLearn more about Mara Glatzel:WebsiteInstagram: @maraglatzelNeedy PodcastNeedy: How to Advocate for Your Needs and Claim Your SovereigntyLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Say It Out Loud: Using the Power of Your Voice to Listen to Your Deepest Thoughts and Courageously Pursue Your Dreams, Vasavi KumarEmily King - “Remind Me”ShrinkingMadam Secretary

Inclusion.It's a word that evokes strong emotions and reactions for many people. Some see it as a polarizing issue that elicits extreme rhetoric, while others recognize the need for us to confront discomfort and take responsibility for the impact of our leadership.We have to consider what inclusion means to us, what it feels like, and how it shows up in our work and personal lives.Because all too often, inclusion is reduced to a performative, box-checking act, instead of an opportunity to invest time, resources, and effort towards sustainable building inclusivity.In a world that values efficiency and productivity, embracing inclusion can be uncomfortable. It requires introspection, cultural change, and a departure from traditional notions of power.Inclusion is inconvenient because it compels us to think differently and confront our own biases. It also reveals how those in dominant cultures often prioritize their own inclusion, sometimes at the expense of others.But true inclusion benefits everyone. To foster true inclusion, leaders need to engage in deep work and shift their perspectives, beliefs, and actions. This transformation allows for the recognition and appreciation of all perspectives and contributions, ensuring that those in positions of privilege actively dismantle exclusionary systems.Skilled leaders, like today's guest, who guide individuals in this journey play a crucial role in creating a more inclusive society.Dr. Sand Chang (they/them) is a Chinese American nonbinary psychologist, trainer, author, and DEI/organizational consultant with more than 20 years of experience. Through compassionate engagement, they partner with organizations and teams seeking meaningful structural and interpersonal change. Dr. Chang's work is grounded in social justice, cultural awareness, and humility. Their areas of emphasis include trauma-informed diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI), LGBTQ populations, trans health, and body liberation related to racial justice, and eating disorders.Listen to the full episode to hear:Stretching beyond diversity to inclusivity and why a seat at the table isn't enoughWhy it's essential to acknowledge the power differentials in our spaces and to do the work to deconstruct themHow organizations can move beyond optics to doing the work to support true inclusionHow urgency, perfectionism, shame, and fragility create barriers to progressHow bias and exclusion in research impact how we understand mental and physical health, and the limitations of “evidence-based” practicesWhy people from privileged identities need to fight for marginalized peopleLearn more about Dr. Sand Chang:WebsiteInstagram: @heydrsandLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Rest Is Resistance: A Manifesto, Tricia HerseySort OfGirls Just Want to Have Fun

Are you a safe person? Do you cultivate and lead spaces that are safe? And how do you know the difference between lack of safety and discomfort? The hard truth is that we can never declare a person or a space “safe.” We can do all we can to cultivate safety within ourselves and we can be intentional about doing our best to be safe but we cannot name a space or a person safe. That is for others to decide. Which is vulnerable and challenging. If we want to increase our capacity for discomfort and work towards being safe, it will require us to get really clear on how we can be unsafe along with discerning the difference between safety and discomfort.And if we truly want to be a part of cultivating safe spaces and be safe people to others, we have to build our capacity for discomfort to: be wrong, make mistakes, be misunderstood, set and maintain boundaries, speak up when harm happens, and take ownership of our part when harm is done. This is something we need to feel through, not just think through. Today's guest digs into the difference between safety and discomfort, and the qualities we show when we are actually unsafe people.Tasha Hunter, MSW, LCSW is a  Black, queer Internal Family Systems therapist. She is the owner of Ascension Growth Center, PLLC, servicing clients in North Carolina and Kansas. She serves Black/BIPOC women, and LGBTQ+.  She is the author of the memoir, What Children Remember, and host of the podcast " When We Speak". She is passionate about speaking about adult child trauma, suicide, and collective healing and liberation.Listen to the full episode to hear:The basic tenets of creating a safer spaceWhy the goal of a harm-free space isn't attainable, and why it matters more what happens when harm occursWhy creating safe spaces is a practice, not an end pointDiscerning the difference between discomfort and unsafetyBreaking down the qualities and behaviors of an unsafe person or spaceHow we can be unsafe to ourselvesLearn more about Tasha Hunter MSW, LCSW:WebsiteInstagram: @tashahunterlcswWhat Children RememberShe Lives Her TruthWhen We Speak PodcastLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:How to Make Yourself an Unsafe PersonWe Should All Be Millionaires: A Woman's Guide to Earning More, Building Wealth, and Gaining Economic Power, Rachel RodgersAll These Rivers and You Chose Love, Jaiya JohnThe Altar Within: A Radical Devotional Guide to Liberate the Divine Self, Juliet Diaz"Be Easy," Alice Smith

Conflict and discomfort are inevitable–in all areas of our work and life. Now, most of us carry some kind of relational or betrayal trauma.And these burdens impact how we lead and move through conflict, discomfort, and difference. So when a rupture happens, there is often a rush to find comfort with some kind of a bid for repair. But if we do not do the work to reflect on our own systems' needs first, we can end up doing more harm and continue to feel hooked by a situation.Without this internal reflection, we can often default to actions that result in the opposite of our desired intention.But this work gives us more choices and when we have more choices, we are less likely to feel trapped, panicked, and stuck. And when we feel like we have more agency in our relationships, we feel more connected and close to those we lead and love. Toni Herbine-Blank is the founder and director of the Intimacy from the Inside Out© training programs. She is a senior trainer for IFS-I and has been developing curriculum for the application of IFS to couples therapy for many years. She teaches nationally and internationally, delivering workshops and trainings for therapists interested in using IFS with multiple systems. She has co-authored two books on her methodology and enjoys time with her partner and her animals in the mountains of Durango, Colorado where she lives.Listen to the full episode to hear:Why the ability to differentiate ourselves from our partnerships is necessary for connectionWhy the Intimacy from the Inside Out process starts with a U-turn toward the selfHow the U-turn subverts the protective urge to blame and shame in moments of conflictHow our early wounds around getting our needs met impact our adult relationshipsWhy shame is the most common source of relationship ruptureWhy the existence of conflict in a relationship isn't the problem, but the way we pursue repair can beLearn more about Toni Herbine-Blank:WebsiteInstagram: @intimacyinsideoutLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Nonwhite and Woman: 131 Micro Essays on Being in the World