Wise Not Withered

Welcome to another episode of the Wise Not Withered podcast! Today's episode is a PART TWO character showcase of Candace, our 50-year-old FPS Housewife. Please check out her earlier episode which came out on February 4, 2020 :') In today's episode, you will hear from B (@b_doesart), Candace's brilliant illustrator; she talks about her background as an artist, and we also talk about various facets of the gaming industry these days. After our conversation, I share a fun and funny story about working with B and the amazing illustrations she made for Candace and Candace's sons. Stay tuned for more news about Wise Not Withered! New things are coming :)

Hello and welcome to the Wise Not Withered Podcast! This is Season 4, and we are on Episode 13. This will actually be the last episode of Season 4; I will do a pivot into Season 5, and I'll talk about that next month. This month's guest was Manpreet Johal Bernie. I found her first through Tiny Buddha, where she has written many different kinds of articles. She also has her own podcast, called Heart's Happiness. She is a transformational coach and a writer; she made a fascinating transition from what she used to do and how it translates to the work she does now. TRIGGER WARNING: She does talk about self-harm and suicide. I do want to also say that even though we talk a lot about trauma, one of the main points she also stands for is post-traumatic GROWTH. I'm really honored and excited to share the final episode of Season 4 with Manpreet Johal Bernie. She is just such a warm, loving, kind-hearted soul, and I can't wait for you to hear her story. — Cool so, let's see, is it Manpreet? Am I saying that right? Yeah, it says Manpreet. So I have got married since I got Zoom, so it's Manpreet Johal Bernie, and my Podcast and all the things I do is Heart's Happiness. Yeah, Heart's Happiness. That's so… It's just so wholesome, I love it. Thank you! Yeah. All right, let's start with… What's your age? So I am… I've just turned 42, and I can't remember that, because I feel like I'm 25! (Laughs) Yeah, and talk more about that. What do you mean you feel like 25? As I've got older, I seem to have way more ambition for my life than I did when I was 25, so I can't quite believe that I'm 42, because I'm living more as a 42-year-old than I did when I was 25 because I was in a lot of pain when I was 25, so… Very different. But it's just, the number's getting bigger. Mhm, yeah, amazing. And so where did you grow up, and where do you live now? So I was born and raised in London in the UK, and I lived there… I moved around London but my whole life I didn't leave London—like the city and you know, well, I was in the suburbs, but generally that whole area—until I was like 39, which is, you know, part of my new life, my new chapter. I didn't really know who I was when I was living in London, so I was raised in my family. There's lots of trauma and lots of difficulties and I was just caught up in all of that and I had like a career in London where I worked for big companies in IT and change management and things like that. So I was just really caught up in the world, like London, like New York, and these big cities, you know… It's like lots of like going out, and drinking, and work that I didn't enjoy and then all my dramas that was at home, so I was just caught up in this whole bubble there. But as you get older, and you start… I began my own healing journey, I started to figure out who I was, and actually I don't love the city life, so I'm now in, more near the coast in the UK. So in Kent, which is like south, so lots of like nature, walks, and sunsets and a much smaller pace of life. Well, not my job, but, you know, just outside my house anyway, so I love it here. So it's really real different, but again, a big decision that I made as I got older, as I decided to discover who I truly am! Yeah! Yeah, and I want to dive into all of that. I'm so curious. What is your… What is the work that you do? So I am a trauma transformation coach and mentor. Okay, so you mentioned IT, so you have made the transition… Completely changed. Amazing, okay. I used to do change management for big companies. I now do that for people! (Laughs) Okay!! Yeah! It was a complete accident. It's not what I was trained in like. I went to university here in the UK and I did like… I did it to please my dad. Actually he was a computing teacher, so I did computing and business analysis and all of this kind of stuff. But it's just my own journey. As I started to get older, I lost my dad to suicide when I was 26, and so the person that I had created this whole life to please was no longer alive. And when I started to struggle myself, like in my mid-30's, after he'd been gone for a long time, I started to have real issues myself, like especially in romantic relationships, with my relationship with alcohol, with doing work, I didn't like, I was just really struggling. So I got into a sort of rock bottom situation and… I was like mid to late 30s couldn't get into a healthy relationship, and it was then that I was like, am I just gonna be like my dad? Am I gonna take my life, or… Am I, you know, I'm gonna be like my family and just be unhappy? Like what's going on with me? I started my own journey of like, healing and discovery, and that is the journey that led me to my work. So it's a complete accident. What happened was I was going to therapy, but I remember being in therapy and being like, okay, I get that I've got all of this like childhood trauma and that's why I'm being a complete crazy person with men, but like, how do I change this? I remember saying… I just, like I don't know if I'm allowed to swear, but I was like, how do I do that? Go ahead! It was like, how do I not be fucked? That's what I said to her. Yeah, so real. I became obsessed with like okay, well, is there a way I can change? So I worked on changing basically, and then I started to get people ask me, how have you changed? Like how did you break that pattern? How did you used to be this like, woman with really low self-esteem and low confidence and bad relationships, and you know, I was very single for many, many years. How did you get to change that and be something else? So I was like oh, and I would tell my story, and it wasn't until you know COVID times and 2020 that I was like, oh, maybe I should start sharing it on a podcast because, podcasts had been so helpful for me as a medium, as part of me understanding what was going on with me. So that's how I kind of started with Heart's Happiness, which is my podcast, and then people started to reach out to me and say, could you teach me what you did? So the very first thing I did was I just created a course and I was like, step by step, like I would be training at work, for like a custom change. I was just teaching them how to do what I did. And then it kind of evolved from there where people started to ask me to do it one-to-one and then I started to train in some of the modalities that really helped me, like EFT tapping, and eye movement, and NLP, and things like that. So I trained, but all of this time I was still working in the corporate world. So I used to work for the VPC in their IT. I wasn't like a media person. So I was doing both at the same time. But the more that I was getting interested with Heart's Happiness, I was like this is what really sets my soul on fire. So actually I'd really like to leave. So I left, just… I'd been running Heart's Happiness for about a year and a half, so I left just before my 40th birthday and, yeah, best thing ever! And slowly, slowly, it's just been growing! And I've got like clients all over the world. I get to teach them my methodology. And it's turning into some other thing now as well, where I get to help other people turn their healing journey into their work as well. So I've got like little business-starting, and helping people like that. You know, with that transformation that I made as well, so it's been really cool to turn all of that pain into something else. Right, yeah, that's so inspiring! I love that. Yeah, can you talk more about your podcast? There's… I've listened to a few episodes. There's like the three areas, like what are the main parts of your podcast? Yeah, so I have a lot of guests on. I do bring people on that are like you know… Because when I started I wasn't a professional myself, so I bring in like experts, like therapists and coaches and healers and people that could help others to undo what's happened in their lives and make them feel better. So that was kind of what I decided to start with and share my story. Like I really feel that when we share stories, we help people to understand their own story. So that's kind of where I started, but then, as time went on, I discovered that I was some kind of teacher about this stuff. So I do a lot of content on you know, like how we can change, and, like you know, delving into different issues to do with trauma. So you know, dysfunctional relationships, trauma in the body and how we can change those things.  The addictions that happened during the process, like you know, what I was actually doing in relationship with men was actually called love addiction, so it was very like, almost like intoxicated by men that were very unavailable, but that's very common with people like ourselves that have been through trauma. So sharing stuff like that, talking about traumas and yeah, so it's very much to do with mental, spiritual, emotional wellbeing, but it's very holistic and we talk a lot about health as well and how even we can eat to heal you know our trauma and things like that. So it's really evolved over years, but it's still my favorite part of the week. So I love sharing and I've shared pretty much… I think two weeks I've missed, but for the last three and a half years I've pretty much had a podcast out every week. Wow, every week. Amazing. Yeah, been a long time, so I haven't done seasons or anything, it's just been like a consistent thing. But it's mad, because I'll get somebody you know from where you are, like reach out or Australia, or like all parts of the world. And people that from different backgrounds, they're not the same upbringing as me and we've just got the same story. It's just… To hear that my random content help people like that is kind of cool.  Yeah, yeah, it's definitely so… It's so powerful. Yeah, just resonates with a lot of people. Yeah. Let's see, I guess getting a little lighter. What are some of your hobbies that you do outside of all this intense work? (Laughs) (Laughs) I know I do really love it, though it's great, of course.  Right, of course. I do actually really love it, so to the point that it's really hard to just come from the point of me or the business stuff, because I'm really into like self development and personal development anyway. So I am quite spiritual, do love the woo-woo's! So I love like reading spiritual books or self-help books. I just cannot get enough. It's terrible. Like I went on holiday recently for my birthday and you know I read just so many books. That's just like my thing. So I do love traveling and seeing the world. I always loved that before as well. I love reading and just… I do have a natural desire for all the things that I bring into my work. So just everything about that, like you know, and going to sound baths and sound healings. It's like a way that I can help my clients, my teaching, stuff like that, but it's something for myself.  Right. It was really interesting. Through this journey of setting up my business and also helping other people and being on my own healing journey, I've really discovered who I am. So years ago I would have been someone very, very different. Like I would have been… I wouldn't even consider myself like more extroverted, but I'm actually really introverted. So I'll actually just love, like, being now and just like you know nature, I do love to see the world, I love to learn and I love connecting with people that are like deep and don't mind talking about the crazy things about life. I love a conversation. I still… I used to work for fashion companies, still love things like fashion and things like that and like finding ways to be creative. Yeah, I just love and I love… I do love what I do. Like, so I love meeting and hearing people's stories and watching those people just transform. It's incredible. I guess I just feel really blessed that I feel, just like… You know, like actually really like my life when I used to just absolutely hate it.  Right, yeah, that's beautiful, I love it.  I had to create it. You know, like it wasn't like that. It was… And I didn't even know who I am, and I'm still discovering who I am. I really enjoy it. Because for so many years I was just like people-pleasing and about what other people wanted from me, or what society expected. You know, especially even… You know, as a woman, I never had aspirations to like grow a brand or, you know, grow a business, like it felt like a real thing that I wasn't really into. But I love that now! I love helping women to be independent and create their own finances and, you know, use it for the good of the world and stuff like that. I didn't even think I was, you know, like into that kind of achieving or anything like that, but I do love it. I actually do really love business, which is weird.  Yeah, and that is somewhat recent. Yeah, I never would have thought that was who I was before. — Read the full transcript on wisenotwithered.com

Thanks for listening to another episode of the Wise Not Withered Podcast! This is Season 4, and we are on episode 12. This month's guest was Claudia Ortega-Lukas. She is a graphic designer. She shares an interesting story about how her job has evolved over the decades, as technology has also evolved. She shares her experience being a stepmother, and also her relationships with her own parents. She also talks about this duality of different cultures, two different worlds, which is actually how I found her, through an article she wrote a few years ago. In addition, she talks about her community, support system, and challenges she has overcome as well as what she is facing now. — Thank you so much for joining the podcast! What is your age? I'm 60 years old. 60. Okay. Just turned 60. Nice. When's your birthday? September. Oh, September. Okay. Awesome. I'm a Libra! Oh, you're a Libra. Okay, awesome. Are you into astrology much? Not really. I just thought I liked the, I don't know, I guess we're always saying, you know, what sign you are, but I'm not really into it a lot. I've read it every now and then. But yeah. Mhm. And where did you grow up? I grew up in Mexico City. So, well actually in a town called Texcoco. We were born in Mexico City and then shortly after I was born, my family moved to Texcoco which you know back when I was born, it was probably a whole hour drive to Mexico City. But now I think they're like, pretty much, you know, have touched borders. Okay. And where else have you lived? So from from there from just Texcoco, I spent a semester with one of my mom's relatives in Denton, Texas. And then we moved to Guadalajara when I went to college, and then when I was there in college, I was an exchange student at the University of Oklahoma. Norman, Oklahoma. And then, I came back for a short period of time and then I actually enrolled at the University of Missouri for a master's degree. And so I moved to Columbia, Missouri, to go to school. Okay. And from there, I got a job and Reno, and then I came to Reno and I was here working for their newspaper for two years. And then I got a job with another newspaper in Savannah, Georgia. And then I went there… And I worked there for another two years. But before I left, I managed to meet my husband. Well, you know, the guy who is my husband now. So, yeah, so I was two years in Georgia. And then I came back. We got married there and then came back here and settled in Reno. Okay, so you're in Nevada now. Okay. Awesome. And what do you do for a living? I'm a graphic designer. Oh, okay! That's why… Yeah, I think that's what I wanted to do since I was middle school, although I didn't know what it was. But, you know, I did my own collages for my binders and things like that. And so, by the time I was in college, I knew that that's what I wanted to do. Okay. Yeah. And so take us through, like, what all does that entail? So, like making collages on your binder, then how did that translate into the work that you do now? Well, I mean, it's basically just the, you know… When I was in middle school, it was just basically, you know, kind of making a collage of all of the things that I liked. And then in a way that I thought was, was nice looking. By the time I went, when I got to college, I started working at a newspaper. So I was going to school, from 8:00 to 1:00. And then I was working from 2:00 to 8:00 or 2:00 to 10:00, depending, at the newspaper. So I was doing layout. And that's when I realized that that's sort of something that I really liked. And I think, working at a newspaper, when I was in college, was really sort of what got me into both technology, and you know, the… I was refining kind of how I was doing. So basically, I was provided with all of the stories that had to be in on one page, or two pages, or the whole section. And then I had to use the photograph that I had available for each of the stories and I had to, you know, lay out a page that, would have a dominant element, a dominant headline, you know, had entry points would kind of guide the reader through it or tease the reader, you know, kind of thing. So, and then yeah, and then that's basically kind of what I did, I did that when I was all the way through school. And then when I move to… When I got my masters, my master's is in magazine and newspaper design. So basically, that was a little bit more emphasis on publication design. It's different from… You can do a poster layout. But it's slightly different when you're doing stories. Because you know, in a poster you you have less elements, in a way, because you have very limited space to tease the reader into what you want them to read, or you want them to be intrigued. And with the story, it kind of goes on and on, you know, it's a longer piece. So you have to you have to design it in a way that the reader can… If they're just sort of glancing at the page. If the headline doesn't intrigue them, maybe the photo does, maybe the photo caption, maybe a quote, maybe some of the sub-heads, or you have like a little sidebar. And so, so that's kind of what I did mostly. When I came to the Reno Gazette-Journal here in Reno, I was doing just mostly one of their small publications, which was… It was sort of like advertorial, we call it, so it's like a mix of advertising and a mix of editorial content. And then when I went to Savannah, I was actually the features and sports editor. And so just like, Design Editor. And so basically, making sure that all of the graphic designers that were doing those pages have all of the elements that they needed to try to make the paper and the stories sing, right. And so, yeah, I did love working for newspapers, you know, but then once I moved back to Reno, when Tim and I got married… The newspaper life is like, you work late, you work weekends, you know, it's just a little bit like, you don't have a lot of the normal hours, right, that people like to enjoy, like, you know, dinner time and things like that. (Laughs) My husband has two children, two boys. And so when we got married, they were five, and eight. Five, and nine, something like that. And so he was like, you know, I think it'd be better if you don't work nights. He's like, I'd like to have dinner together, all together. And so I went to teach! I did a brief teaching at the university here. And it was still teaching magazine layout, basically. And then there was an opportunity for me to apply for a position for a full time graphic designer for the office of marketing communications. And so then that's what I started doing. I used to do the alumni magazine. And then in between just serving all of the different units on campus, or, you know, different design needs. And the job has changed slightly through the years. You know, there's certain things that I don't do at all anymore. There are some things that I started doing to serve the web that I don't do anymore. And then I did a lot of stuff that was serving a social media, you know, and so I do some of it, but not as much. So it's just sort of like a little, you know, ebb and flow type of jobs, but all of them have been designed. Layout and design. Okay. Yeah. Can you talk a little bit more about how things have changed? Well, you know, for one, the newspapers have started to disappear. Right. And before the newspaper was sort of what you use as your trusted media, right. And so there was a lot of money spent in advertising, to create those newspapers. And when content online became much more, you know, more effective at penetrating the households, and everybody started going there, the advertisers used the money that they were putting into newspapers into the web. And so they strengthened their online presence. But if weakened the newspaper presence, and so then the newspaper start shrinking down. Right. And so, a lot of newspapers have folded, a lot of newspapers, you know, have gone from having five or six or seven sections to maybe having two. So that shifts to kind of what, for me… It was nice that like my private life sort of pushed me into getting out of that, into something else. The ones that they offer, marketing communications, is mostly to support efforts and recruiting for the university and to basically communicate with parents and alumni. So even, you know, for us, we… There was a point when I when I was doing the alumni magazine. We were doing, like, six issues that year. And then he was like, well, we're gonna do four, well, we're gonna do two… And then I think at one point after I stopped doing it, he went to maybe doing it once. And then he was like, well, maybe two. And so a lot of it has to do how people consume information. And more and more people are much more comfortable going online looking for the alumni news online, rather than having a magazine. Right? And so I printed magazine. There are other things that are still in place, because they are still effective, like, you know, we would produce postcards or brochures for recruiters to take to conferences, so that they can hand out to students, and parents, potential candidates. But even that, you know, sometimes it's like, they just have a big screen, and then they show them what they want to tease them with, right. So yeah, so my job has changed due to the way people consume information. And information online, now, it's just so much more effective—or it can be much more effective. And easily accessible, right? One of the things that happened when you printed something is that we knew, the moment that we printed something, it was outdated by the next day. Right? So for example, a brochure nowadays. If we do something for recruiting, we can do a brochure, and we do our best to put all the information that we need and QR codes and things like that. But we know that information that is printed can change, right? There can be changes to scholarship applications, to deadlines, to anything like that. So the QR codes now that we add to all of our all of our brochures, postcards, things like that, is to get them to the website where we can update things as they happen. Right. So that that has also been one of the major changes, or one of the reasons why things are changing. Because on the web, I mean, if you change a deadline from this morning to this afternoon, you can immediately change it and anybody accessing the information at that point, they will have the correct information. Read the full transcription on wisenotwithered.com!

Hello, Happy New Year! And welcome to the Wise Not Withered podcast. We are on Season 4, and this is episode number 11. Today's guest is Helen W. I found her on Instagram. Her username is 50_over_and_beautiful. And I really loved the vibe of her profile, just so colorful, she looks so happy. Lots of modeling, clothes and food and drinks, and all kinds of different places that she has traveled to. There's a lot of different performances where she has sung. And she talks about all of those things in our interview. She is truly a citizen of the world. She grew up... And actually, I'll let her tell you where she grew up and where she has lived all throughout her life. It's pretty interesting, pretty unique. In addition to all the places where she has lived and visited, she talks about her pretty complex job, and also the intricate family dynamics, of her upbringing with her family of origin, and her dynamic with her son currently. And she also talks about just her experience being an older woman in today's society... What that means, how she's been treated by other women, especially—older and younger, and a pretty interesting work-life balance that she has maintained for a pretty long time. So without further ado, here is Helen! All right, so what is your age? I just turned 60! Oh, you just turned 60! When was that? I turned 60 in September. I think before turning 60, you have this fear, like, “Oh my god… Another decade.” And people regard you as “old”. You think of retirement, yeah… But yeah, I was thinking, because at 60, you get this “Joy Card” in Hong Kong. And then you get like discounts for transportation. Ohh okay! Anywhere you go, you'll be paying 2 Hong Kong dollars. Which means everybody will know that you're 60. And I was thinking, before I got the card, “Oh, would I actually use it? I'll use it when I'm alone… If I'm with people, would I use it? Cause then everybody would know I'm 60.” Then when I got it, it's like… What the heck! Just use it! I mean, I'm entitled to this! (Laughs) This discount to travel, because I've actually lived on Earth for 60 years, and contributed, and yeah! I should be proud! Amazing! I love that!! And what did you call it? Just a discount card? Or did it have a special name? It's called a Joy Card! A Joy Card! Which is is nice name, isn't it? Right! It's a nice name, right? Yeah. I love that!! Be happy! In your senior age. Yeah. That is so cool! Yeah. Let's see, so you live in Hong Kong right now. Did you grow up there? Where else have you lived? Okay. Yeah… I'm quite multi-national, in terms of where I've lived. So I was born in Japan. My parents are from China. But I was born in Japan, Tokyo. So I'm Chinese, born in Japan. Okay then, I did not actually do schooling in Japan, cause the family moved. I moved with my mother to Macao. And then from Macao… My parents divorced, so we were living there with my mom—me and my brother, in Macao. And then she found someone and remarried—an Australian Chinese. So we all moved to Sydney. Oh, wow! So in my teens, I actually moved to Australia, and grew up in Sydney. Did my education there, did my university there. Then after a few years, I married a Malaysian Chinese. And we moved to Singapore. And then the relationship didn't really work out, so my child was born in Singapore as well. So we divorced. And then the boss that I was working for, he was a Hong Kong Chinese, and he announced he was moving to Hong Kong, so would you like to come and work for me in Hong Kong? He just got a position, so he invited me if I was looking for something. So I said yeah okay, I'll come along with you. So that's how I ended up and stayed in Hong Kong. Read the full transcript on wisenotwithered.com!

"I am truly a positive person. So what you see on my Instagram is just what you get. You know, that might not make you the most popular person. But it makes it much, much, much easier for me, because I'm just being myself. Mhm. Yeah, can you talk more about that? What made you think of that just now? I thought about it, because I think sometimes, you see so much doom and gloom… Every social media, everywhere. And then sometimes, when you look at that, or if it's not the doom and gloom, it's the… You know, the people talking about being stressed all the time, or body conscious all the time. You know, it's always negative! And I wonder, why? I mean, is that all people go through in life? Negativity? Yes, I have had moments that I'm pissed off, upset, have gone through things… But you cannot let that just rule and take over your life." — Welcome to the Wise Not Withered podcast! We are in Season 4, and this is Episode 10. This month's guest is Vickie Heath Glosson. I found her on Instagram, where she describes herself as "Gray hair beauty influencer and motivator with an eclectic lifestyle. Encouraging personal growth and a beacon of positivity and creativity." She truly is just so varied in all of her interests and activities that she does. She talks about her upbringing, as well as all kinds of things she's into now, such as her hair, her gardening, her teaching, her collaborations (being an ambassador for various beauty products), and she truly is just such a warm, beautiful soul. It was such a pleasure to talk to her and listen to her share so much about her life. And I will let her tell the rest of the story! Enjoy! — Cool! All right! Let's just dive right in! Let's go for it! What is your age? I am 66! 66, excellent. And where did you grow up? I grew up in the state of Texas, in a small city called Galena Park. It's right on the outskirts of Houston. So… Houston, Texas. Okay, nice. And where else have you lived? I am a born and raised Texan! Yeah! I'm right here. My parents both came from Louisiana, and they settled here in Houston in the mid-50's. Okay. Cool, do you know what brought them to where you are now? Of course! They grew up in the Northern part of Louisiana, and after my mom and dad got married, they settled in Seattle, Washington for a while. But since their parents were in Louisiana, they went back and stayed for a while. But they kinda wanted to live their life on their terms. And they decided on Houston. My parents were… My dad was a lawyer. My parents were business people. We had a café, growing up. They settled in Houston to do that. In Northern Louisiana, it was a small town… Opportunities were just not there. And so they decided to move on. Cool, and what do you do for a living? I know you have—you do so many things, but yeah what's like the main thing, if there is one? So many things… Actually, educator! I have taught for forty-five years. Wow! Actually I retired, then I got rehired because I missed it a little bit. I did that… I started teaching at a very young age of 21, and I taught in the Houston and Galena Park districts. So basically that's it. I'm an educator, of mostly middle school and high school. Okay, nice. Oh my gosh. Definitely an eclectic lifestyle, as you say on your page. How did you get into teaching? Well, my family has been deep into education. Actually, all my sisters above me… And I'ma just step back for a minute: there are eleven of us, okay. Mom and Dad had eleven children, and none of us are twins. My mom actually always wanted to be a teacher, and so I think over the years, hearing her talking about it on the regular… It just got instilled in us, because education was always really important. My grandmother, on my dad's side, was a teacher for years. So I really came from a long line of educators. So it just became a part… As a matter of fact, my oldest sister right now has been teaching for fifty-five years—in one district! Wow! Yes, yes. But all my sisters—and I have brothers. Brothers didn't go into the teaching. But all my sisters above me—which I am seven from the top! There are, what… Three sisters over me. Okay. Wow. So just a whole family of teachers. Yes, teachers, educators of some sort. Mhm. Okay. Yeah, and what has made you stay in it? Well, what happened is… I do do a lot of things. I spend a lot of time… I just love the kids! I retired for four years. And then my mom passed, okay… And after she did, my kids were in college. My younger two were in college still. I was like, “Let me sub for a little bit.” So I went in and substituted. I was teaching anyway. I could not be that person just sitting back and not helping my students. And so I went, “Well you know what? If I'm teaching anyway, I'll just go ahead and go back.” And that's what I did. I said, “If I get hired, I get hired. If not… You know, I won't worry about it. I'm retired. It's been four years. I'm good.” And my second interview, I got hired again! So I said, “Okay, I'll do this!” It's been almost six years now since I've been back. Nice! Awesome. All right, yeah… I love so many things that I saw on your profile. One of them was “Encouraging personal growth”. What does personal growth mean to you? Oh gosh… Just continue doing things, you know? Keep living life, having fun. Yes, there's always gonna be setbacks, that's normal. But you just have to persevere. You just have to say, “Okay, that happened. I made a mistake, perhaps.” I've learned, and move on! I believe in living, loving, and laughing! That's kind of my motto. It did not just happen. I was a little quieter in my earlier years, but I've always believed that. I believe in family. Doing things that make you happy! If it doesn't make me happy, I move on. Yeah, that's great! I love that. And what does make you happy? I'm sure there's tons of things, but what comes to mind first? Family! Family. I love family. I've always been family-oriented. I was close daughter to my mother and father. And my children! Oh my goodness. We do so, so much together. I love having them here with me, being around them, doing adventurous things with them. And you know, we'll just… Family. Family is just the bottom line. They just keep my heart beating. I'm excited about that. And of course, now I have two grand-daughters… That's just the icing on the cake. (Laughs) (Laughs) Ah, that's so cute. What was your relationship like with your mom? Oh my… We were really close. When I was growing up, like I said I was a little quieter. I was seventh, so I kind of sat back and watched. But she was very, very supportive. The song that I love, love, love—that I feel represents our relationship the most—you know, the wind beneath my wings! Yeah! Because she had always been there. Beautiful woman, beautiful heart, very supportive… She's the one, when I came home from dance classes, just if I learned a new step. She may be in the middle of something, and she's gonna stop. Whether she liked it or not, it's like “Oh my goodness, look at you! You done a great job.” You know, she always gave me time. Middle of the night sometimes, I wake up… She'll be in there sewing. Instead of swishing me back, to go to bed, “Come here, come on! Let me teach you this.” She taught me embroidery, taught me how to sew. And a lot of things were just her and me. I was interested, she knew I was. And if I wanted to learn from her, I did. You may have noticed, a lot of the pictures are gardening! Oh my gosh. She was an exceptional gardener. And I was right there with her, trying to learn as much as I could about everything. I wondered, “How do you know all this?” You know, remember all that? And I just kind of amazed myself, now, when I can go and do the same, and my kids are right there with me. They're like, “Mom, how do know all this?” Ah, I love that!! But she was… Yeah, just a wonderful person. You know, of course, we had our ups and downs, just like any other mother and daughter, but… An amazing woman. I'm that one to say, “When I grow up, I want to be like you.” A role model. Yeah… Oh, that's beautiful. I love that. Yeah, maybe can you talk more about your gardening? Oh gosh! Oh wow! Okay! I've always had a garden. Even in my single days, always had one… 2019 was a real transformation. My son and I—cause I have a son that stays here with me. We had grass in the backyard, the whole works, a courtyard. We decided, you know, let's do something! He's very creative. We kinda bonded here together, got our thoughts together. We cleared out every piece of grass, weeds, and we revamped it. It was really nice, took a while… Then covid hit. It was horrible, a terrible time in life, but we made so much out of it. We went through our whole, entire backyard. We dug it up. We transformed it! And it's my little paradise—my piece of paradise. We made a biometric type of gardening. A place where not only my family and myself, but for the animals. All the birds… We set it up, the garden for butterflies, the bees. We wanted nature to be part of the yard. That's how we set it up. I was taught earlier that when you do gardening, whether it's a flower garden or vegetable garden, whatever. You know, you do it enough to have enough for yourself, and enough for the animals. They come in and eat your tomatoes, or pick your peppers, whatever they do. There's always extra. So that's what we wanted. That's the way we wanted the garden to be, and that's how it turned out. We put gravel over the other areas. We have flower gardens, we have… Oh my gosh. I have peaches, apples, peppers, onions, garlic, greens. Just name it, it's there. And I love living a healthy life. I love going outside to pick my garden. It has been very healthful, very calming. I've loved just sitting back, and watching what I've done! I'm very proud of it. So I've been keeping it up, and it looks amazing! Oh, that's great! How fun. I remember my dad grew some, I think tomatoes. I feel like it tastes a lot better, from the natural garden. (Laughs) Oh, yes. And you know, they eat a little more than we want them to eat. (Laughs) But we don't use pesticides. We just try to get there earlier and pick it before they do. Yeah, that's so interesting too, to leave enough for the animals too, since it's inevitable that that'll happen. Yeah. I love that! How about, can you talk about your hair? Ahh! Yeah!! Yes, yes, yes. Okay. Yes, I will. It's a very interesting story. First of all, I actually did… Rinse my hair one. What happened… I had younger children, for my age. My first child was born when I was 32, my last one I was 39. So I was an older parent. And I remember my hair growing out gray. And my youngest son said, “Mom, why don't you dye your hair?” And remember now, he was around a lot of the younger parents, with blonde, bleach-blonde, or brown hair, whatever… I said, “Dye my hair? Why?” He said, “That way, it'd make you look younger. You oughta give it a try.” Remember now, he was in seventh grade, I believe it was. And so, I was like, “Well…” I just kinda didn't want to do that. He mentioned it again, and I said why not. I went in, got my hair rinsed, because I knew it would wash out after a certain amount of washes. It looked amazing! It did. I loved it, I loved it, I loved it. I'm kinda lazy though! (Laughs) I'm kinda lazy when it comes to even dealing with the hair. I loved it for the moment. You know, I'm happy that I did it. But when it grew out, I was okay. I did this, he thought it was amazing, everyone thought it was amazing. But it wasn't to the point where I could see myself in the chair, every what, six or eight weeks, getting my hair redone. Nobody said anything else about it from that point. So that was it! It went from a streak of gray right here, in the middle. That streak, years ago, my mom used to say… It was auburn color when I was growing up. She said “It'll be the first part of your hair that turns gray.” Yes, I had those lovely brothers that called me, you know, skunk! There was a cartoon Josie and the Pussycats. One of the ladies on there had that hair… But anyway, it continued on. I just went back, after a while. I said, “I love it!” I get compliments. An it's so amazing. Over the years, I've gotten more compliments from men versus women. That was shocking. I was like, “What?” That was pretty interesting. I've just kept it. I love it. It's just easy. And just went from there. Yeah, that's my hair! Love my hair. And if I had to do it over again, I'd probably do the same. Yeah, that's great. All right, so I've seen you've done a lot of collaborations. You've been featured, you've been an ambassador… There's so much! Can you talk about all of that? Wow… It started with hair. Different companies, that's where it started. I'm very happy about that. It was during a time where you just did not see women with gray hair, being featured for anything! So it started there, which… That was wonderful. It should have always been a part. When I think about the collaborations, I love the fact that the majority of them kept that in mind: it was because of the gray hair. That's why I was chosen in the first place, with a lot of them. With some of them, it's hard on your hair, because by your hair being this light, certain products turn it green or blue or… (Laughs) We had to learn what did and did not work! So that was kinda interesting, because if you're gonna collaborate with people and you try the products… I like to be transparent. I'm not gonna sit here and say a product is super great if it's NOT! Especially when I'm talking to women with light hair, white or silver hair. I always try my products. I let them know, “Hey, I have to do this for a week or two, so I can at least see some kind of reaction.” Then it moved on to facial products, and then it just became collaborations with a little bit of both. Even with that… If it's gonna break me out, you know, I'm gonna like, “Okay…!?” I show a picture of it, but I probably won't talk a whole lot about it. Because I don't want to deceive people when I get products, just to get paid. I would prefer not getting paid for it, if I could just jump in front of my audience and say, “Yeah! This product works!” This and that. No, I don't work like that. As a matter of fact, there's one I'm working on now, and I've only had it for like a week. “Oh, when you gonna come out?” I said, “I haven't used it long enough!” (Laughs) I said, “I'll do it so-and-so time.” But yes, I like doing the collaborations. I do a few that are free, but the majority of them I do get paid for them. Yes. Awesome. Yeah. I just put one out now, it's with Moderna. I've done one previously with the others, so… It's pretty good. I'm trying to get to a point where you know, when I retire next time around, I don't have to go back to teaching. So after a while, you're kinda like, “Oh it's that time again.” Yeah, what was it like to have the first one? Was it surprising to get an email? Or… What was your reaction to that? It was like, “Oh goodness!” I think the very first ambassador was Fly Hip and Ageless. Wow! That was so cool! And I'm like, “Okay!!” You know… But that was so amazing. I was very excited about that. You've probably heard of them, Fly Hip and Ageless. So that was my first ambassador one. Probably… I'm trying to think back. There's been a lot of them. It's exciting! And it's still exciting, after years! And you're excited because the people see you, notice you, and figure, she is… We like what she does well enough to even want to communicate with her. I do pick and choose! There are a lot of scammers out there, yes. They'll put in, “You're from this, we're from that.” And you have to really be careful with that. Check emails, check links, you check all those things before you jump into it. That's the harder part, and I'm glad I have young children! (Laughs) Cause they say, “Mom, that's a fake account! Check that again.” Or they check it for me. And sometimes if it sounds too good to be true, it IS too good to be true. But that said, there have been a lot of really good ones, that you would think, “Yeah, sure.” And they're really good ones, and legit! So, just have to be real careful. I'm very, very picky about that. Because… Yeah, you don't want your information out there to be stolen. Even though a lot of it gets stolen anyway! (Laughs) You do your best to not let it get stolen. Yeah, interesting… I also see that you're into yoga too? You know, I'm into a healthy lifestyle. Let's put it that way. Yoga… I was a ballet dancer… Oh my goodness, pretty much the last dance I did I was like 30 years old. So, I just do what makes me feel good. I love stretching! Being limber. I do yoga moves, I do ballet moves. I do some strength training, jogging… So I kinda just, at this age, I mix what's best for me. Stretching is the most important part. I can do that, I've learned all of that, and I just put it together, and work with it in ways that makes it great for me. You know? I would show it, yes, I do the yoga poses. Did I learn how to do the splits from yoga? No, I learned that from dance! You know what I'm saying? Or my backbend was from my acrobat… I used to be into acrobatics when I was younger. And I just kept up with them over the years. And yes, at 66, I can still do a backbend. Yes, I can still do the splits! Cartwheel, you know, those kinds of things. I just kept up with it over the years, because it just made me feel good. At the time it wasn't because of my Instagram. It was because I wanted to do it, and prove things to myself. Hey, can I still do this? And yes. I keep it up. I can't just specify one thing that I do. It's a blend. It's a blend of all that I've learned over the years. Read the full transcript on wisenotwithered.com!

"I've questioned a lot in my life, 'Why am I here?' I think we all have had those moments. What is the point? Why am I… Especially me, I'm like, 'Why have I been born into such a crazy, isolating situation? Why ME?' And I know why, now. And it's to share my story, to help others feel less isolated and less alone, and less weird because we get asked these questions. This is why. And it's bigger than me. I feel like a lot of our situations that we're put in, there's a bigger reason. A bigger why. And now I know. And I'm really proud. I'm proud to be me. I'm proud to share my story, because although it's a unique one, it's a hard one, but it's a beautiful one." Welcome to the Wise Not Withered Podcast! This is Season 4, Episode 9. This month's guest was Rachael Go. I found Rachael through her own podcast, Mix'd Movement, where she and her siblings discuss their experiences being mixed race. Rachael herself is also a life coach, and shares her incredibly unique and inspiring life story full of confusion, isolation, loss, strength, resilience, and love. — All right! Let's just get right into it then! Okay, perfect! I feel like I always say that… Let's get into it. Yeah! So, what is your age? I am 42 years old. And what roles do you hold in your life? What do you call yourself, what do other people call you? Well, I am… Oh my goodness, I feel like over the years I have worn a lot—acquired a lot—of skills. My first career: I've been licensed for twenty years as a manicurist, and that's taken me all over the country in various ways. I am a mother of three. And I am also building a career in coaching, and Podcasting! That is where my focus is, and my passion is right now, and will continue to be! (Laughs) Because it's a really important topic that I've decided to start talking about, and helping people work through, which is being mixed race. And that is… Something that I feel like we haven't had a space to talk about it. It's pretty dynamic, and kind of unique to be mixed race. And especially my age, when I was younger, there wasn't a place to talk about the complexities. It never felt safe, because nobody really understood. And about two years ago, I had this idea to make that space. Make a change in the world in that realm. So here I am! Yeah! Oh… There's so many followup questions I want to ask. Maybe I'll go in order. So you mentioned you've been doing… You're a manicurist, that means doing manicures? You are the one doing the manicures? Yes, I am. I am the service provider. And that, especially doing that as long as I have, I feel very blessed to have been able to sit down and get to know people of all ages, all different walks of life, in a very personal and close space. And it's really interesting when you sit across from somebody directly, they feel a lot safer, and then you add touch—especially physical touch. It's amazing to me what people have shared with me over the years! I feel very blessed for getting to know so many different people, in such a deep and personal level. Not everyone, but… That is how my life has changed, though. I'm originally from outside of Chicago, Illinois. The first three years I worked at a salon, on the north side—it was actually my sister's salon, on the north side of Chicago. And I've had several clients, but a few that became friends. And one knew that I wanted to move. I wasn't sure where I was going to go, and she's from Washington state. And she said, “You know, I know you want a change! I'm moving back to Washington, if you want to join me!” And I did! And that was in 2005. Which is wild! (Laughs) I lived here for about three years. And then kind of similar, a hair stylist that I worked with, she and I went on vacation to Maui. We came back, and everything was fine and great and wonderful. Then her life shifted, and she said, “That's it. I'm moving to Maui. Do you want to join me?” (Laughs) So I moved to Maui! I was there for about three years, then I moved back to Washington. Okay, I was going to ask how manicuring take you around. But I guess that's the answer! Yes, that's it. Between clients, and coworkers… It's just kind of in a way that you wouldn't really expect! Just relationship building. Yeah, I guess it was important that you mentioned you wanted to move, so your client knew you wanted to move. Putting that out there, having people know what you wanted to do. Yeah… Let's see… Why don't you talk about your coaching business? When did you star that, and why? I'm sure there's so much there! Yes! It's funny, because I started this career kind of backwards. Yeah? I began with my podcast. And I realized, I completely wanted to build a career in this. I'm very passionate about this topic. I wasn't sure how to… What facet to go with to earn an income in this realm. And I realized that through the twenty years of being licensed as a manicurist, I've developed a lot of really good interpersonal skills! So it just kind of came to me one day. Wow! I have this skill. I also owned a photography business for about five years. And that was great, but I missed working with people. I learned about coaching, so I decided to apply that into my world. And it is… It has been amazing. Being able to help people like myself—or, actually some people not like myself—work through some really deep things, structure a plan to make shifts in their lives that they've always wanted to but had never been able to. I have helped a couple of my clients move out of areas where they didn't feel safe, because of their race. Right. I am working with somebody who is phenomenal and wants to do big things and build an addiction facility for mixed race individuals, because we are the highest demographic to be susceptible to addiction, homicide, depression… So it's been very rewarding, very incredible in a way that I didn't expect. Yeah. And I don't know if I missed, how long have you been doing it now? Two years! Two years, okay. So I'm relatively new in the coaching realm. But I don't feel like I am, because of how long I've worked directly with people. This is just in a different facet. Mhm, like more focused now on that versus like, you're kinda doing is as you're… Yeah. Yes. Yeah, cool! What's the name of your coaching business? My coaching business is Love Yourself Coaching. My email address is Coach Rachael Go. And my Podcast is the Mix'd Movement. Yeah! So talk more about your Podcast! I have listened to I think the first five episodes, and a few others. It's so great. I am also mixed race, too, and it also felt like, wow these are things that I didn't realize so many people were experiencing. It's so relatable! Oh, I'm glad to hear that. Thank you. Yeah! So you've been doing that also for two years, right? It launched in May of 2022. Oh, so it's been like a year and a half. Yeah, a year and a half. I mean, it took a lot to get it up and running. (Laughs) But… I love the backstory, I'm not gonna lie. It's amazing what beautiful things can stem from tragedy. Right. I'll start with my family members. My co-hosts are my half-siblings. We knew of each other, growing up, but we weren't raised in the same household. We shared the same father, and they share the same mother and father. I didn't hold a relationship with my father—I wasn't really allowed to, growing up. My mother had her reasons, and I understand that. But about four and a half years ago, I received a message from my half-brother saying that our dad was not doing well, and he's being put into hospice. So I flew down to Texas to see him and say my final good-byes, and that was when we reconnected as siblings. And my sister pulled me to the side—it was just her and I in the room with our dad—and explained to me that she'd always wanted a relationship with me, and was really sad that that hadn't happened. And she looked at me, and of course I'm crying my eyes out, and she said, “Can we start over, now? Will you be my sister?” And ever since then, every single day, she and our brother have texted each other “Good morning”, every single day—I don't think we've missed a day. We FaceTime pretty regularly. And we're pretty close! We haven't definitely where we, I guess left off. And I love and appreciate them so much. It's like we were raised together. And then a couple of years ago, I faced a major loss. My home flooded, and I also at the same time had ended a relationship that ended very badly. I had to go through a four-month battle to get a restraining order put in place. So I lost my home, I felt like I was hiding—or put into hiding. And here I am, a single mother with three children and nowhere to go. And I just stopped for a moment and thought about it. I had spent so much panicked, in panic mode. And I was advised to… Sit, and face it, for a moment—by my therapist, who is brilliant! And in that time, I thought, “Okay, what do I want to do now?” Everything I knew, that I had, that was, is no longer. And I realized, I'm like, “This is actually the cleanest slate any adult could get!” Yeah. I have nothing! (Laughs) I closed my photography business. That was when this idea stemmed. I said, “You know what? Since I have nothing left to lose, and only everything to gain, I'm going to put myself out there. I want to start this Podcast. I want it be about mixed race, because we don't have a space to talk about these things.” And so I called my half-siblings, and I asked them, “Are you in?” And they were like, “Absolutely! Let's do this!” (Laughs) So that was when the idea was born! Through a tragic, traumatic experience, but it's been incredible. Absolutely incredible. Yeah, that was about to be my next question, like when did you find the strength to… But I mean, you answered it. Through loss! Yeah! I mean, I can definitely relate. Hitting that really low point… Like, this is the time to make a change. That's amazing. Yeah, I guess talking a little more about your coaching… How have you noticed like, changes within yourself, as you have… Oh my goodness! (Laughs) So you mentioned you have had a therapist, but then being on the other side of that, like in a more purposeful way—yeah, how have you noticed your own self change? I… Wow, where do I start? I feel like I have gained more than ever in this realm, in coaching. I would say probably my biggest, lately… It's a beautiful story. I'm honored to be in this position. I hosted a workshop at a women's retreat, and it was a smaller group, and it was lovely. And my topic was connection and vulnerability, and how that can lead to your tribe. This was a group of women from all different walks of life, ages spanning from 20's to 40's. I had everybody do an exercise. My intention for them was to just write it down. But at this point in our day together, we were all really comfortable with one another. And my question was, “Can you think of a time where you hid who you were to be accepted, because you thought you weren't going to be?” And everybody wrote down… And I said, “If you would like to share—” because I knew a lot of this information was deeply personal. So “If you would like to share, you can share.” And almost everybody did, and it wasn't superficial. It was deep-rooted, really painful things. And I cried, listening to a lot of this. But my biggest takeaway from that experience was… I no longer look at people with the eyes of… I feel like a lot of us human beings have judgement. That is how we learn and grow, or learn about our environment and the people that we're around. And I know at some point, especially my younger self  would question, like, “I wonder what her house looks like.” Just silly, superficial things. But now, every single person I meet, I question, “What have you overcome? What battle have you fought and overcome?” Or “What are you going through silently, that you're not talking to anybody about?” Because every single one of us has a story. Every single one of us has been through something, to whatever degree. And I greet people—new people especially—with a lot more compassion and understanding than I used to. I've never been a mean, judgmental person, but that is now in the front of my mind, knowing that truthfully, we've all been through some hard things. It's crazy! A lot more compassion for people. Yeah. That's beautiful. Do you do those kinds of workshops very often? I am calling more into my life right now. Speaking events, as well. I was a speaker at a small event at a winery, this summer. And that was a phenomenal experience, also to be able to get up in a room of women, and talk about the things that are really important to me, and share my story and my experience, especially to further other people's understandings of… We've all been through things. You can't guess just by looking at somebody! Don't judge, and think to yourself, “Wow. Her life must be perfect.” Cause nobody's life is perfect. Yeah, definitely. Wow. I guess a little more open-ended questions: What inspires you? What inspires me? Oh my goodness! So I… Everything! (Laughs) A lot of things inspire me, but most of all, I am encouraged and built out of love. And anything that I do, I know will come back to me. So when I go about my day, I always start with love first. Also, being a mom of three children… Sometimes it gets a little tested throughout my day. But truthfully I firmly believe you get back what you put out. — Full transcript available on wisenotwithered.com!

"It's ongoing. You're constantly working, and you're constantly building, and striving for excellence, when it comes to whatever you have a passion for. And I have a passion for my YouTube channel. I have a passion for singing. I have a passion for helping people, know what I mean? I really do. That is a passion of mine. And this is what I do. I could be walking down the street, and a regular Joe Schmo, Mary Lou will come up me, not knowing me from a can of paint! And they will pour their heart and soul out to me. And that has happened on numerous occasions. Know what I mean? Especially with people that I do know as well. A lot of people have come to me, and continue to come to me, in confidence, because they can appreciate my advice, or my counsel, or my positive energy, my encouragement, my being able to uplift. That… I don't know. This is what I've been told from people, as well. I encourage. I uplift. I motivate. This is what I do. And some people say, 'Well that's your ministry!' Okay. Okay. If that… I do believe that as well. I do have a gift." — Welcome to the Wise Not Withered Podcast! We are in Season 4, Episode 8. This month's guest is Ms. Moe. She is a YouTube creator and personality; you can find her under @LetsTalkWithMoe on YouTube and Instagram, and more recently on YouTube she has leaned more toward reaction videos so it's called Ms. Moe Reacts. I found her on Instagram, and I liked her personality, she seemed very positive and entertaining! She talks about lots of different things: a little bit about her upbringing, the work she does outside of her YouTube channel, her children who are also content creators and business owners, and many things she has learned over her lifetime. — Cool! All right, so let's just jump right in. What is your age? My age is 57! 57, cool. And where did you grow up? And what other places have you called home throughout your life? I grew up here in Springfield, Massachusetts. That's where I'm born and raised. And I called New Haven, Connecticut home for a short time. I had my first son, my first child, when I was there. And so that was back in '82. I had lived there… I would say… A good year. And a few months. And when my son was a few months old, I moved back here. Okay. What brought you to Connecticut? (Laughs) At the time… My husband. Okay. And then you moved back… What brought you back? Um… For better opportunities. Things weren't going too well there. Of course, we were still together—we hadn't gotten married yet. But yeah, better opportunity, hopefully. Just for a better life, a better start. I just had my son, so we were still trying to figure things out. And what do you do for a living? So… For an actual living! (Laughs) For an actual living, I work for a community health center here in Springfield, Massachusetts. It's called the Caring Health Center, and I have been working there… Upcoming on October 6th, it will be 17 years! I've been there since '06, so you do the math! I have worn many hats there, but I work for them. It's a non-profit, federally funded, FQHC. And you know, I've just worn many hats there. Federally qualified health center. I am a medical professional. Okay. What are some of those hats? Okay. So here's the rundown! Yes! The rundown is… When I first started there, I was front patient registration. When all the patients came in, I registered them, checked them in. After doing that for two years, I was approached and offered the position of assistant manager. And so I went to our second site—now we have three sites, but then it was only two sites. I went to the second site; I was the assistant manager. And then after that, hit a little bump in the road… After that, I took a break, you know, from managing. And then after the break, I went back to patient registration, and then I went back to being the assistant manager. And after that, I went to front operations manager. And then… After that! (Laughs) I hit a couple of bumps in the road with my health, for the past I would say two, two and a half years… I had to take some time off—I had to be on medical leave, the year before last and last year. And so… When I came back to work, I was working with the call center. And then shortly after that, I went to pre-registration. So this was the year before last, when I came back to work. I started off in the pre-registration, did that… And then last year, went on medical leave again. Then came back, started in the call center, and after that, went right back into pre-registration. New patient appointments. That's what I presently do. All around the mulberry bush, right? (Laughs) Yeah, yeah, that's indeed many hats! (Laughs) Yeah, how did you get started in that? Oh. So… Long to the short, I was working for a stop and shop distribution warehouse, many years ago. Then all of a sudden they closed, they went out of business… Laid everybody off. And I'm talking about people who were working there for years. Laid everybody off, gave everybody a severance. I was so conditioned, gotta work, gotta get a job! Years before, I kept saying I want to go back to school. I want to go back to school to get my GED, because I never graduated. So I got laid off from there, and it was really a tug of war going on, as far as… Okay, it's the perfect opportunity to do it. I can go back to school, get my GED. I have no problem collecting unemployment, cause that was there for everybody who got laid off. Fine. So after making the decision to go back to school, get my GED, I did that. After taking the test, time was dwindling down, funds was dwindling down, the time I was on the unemployment. It was due to end. And I ran into an employee—no longer works there—but I ran into an employee who was working there at the time, and I told her that I was looking for work. I ran into her and her husband at the time. And her husband, I went to cosmetology school with! Oh wow! Yeah, go figure. So long to the short, she said, “You know what, we're looking for people. Go and apply, put me down as a reference.” And okay! So it was history from there on. Like I said I started with Caring Health Center in 2006. Mhm. You mentioned cosmetology school? Yeah! So… I went to cosmetology school, I graduated, no problem… What all is that? I'm thinking hair and makeup… Is it more than that? I'm not really sure. Well, I can tell you when I went—which was many moons ago now! It was hair, it was facials. It was… What do they call it, aesthetician? It was hair, facials, it was nails… But at that time, it was… You could do either hair, beauty stuff, or just nails. So, in the cosmetology part of it, they taught us how to do manicures, and pedicures—certain things you do and do not do with pedicures and manicures. Facials, and hair… We dibbled and dabbled with makeup, but nothing professional. So that's what we did in cosmetology school. I went, I graduated, had a lot of fun doing it. I worked part time, at the same time. When I graduated cosmetology school, I worked a little bit in a salon. Maybe two years. I worked in two different salons. It was… Nice, good, and fun. The only thing about, you know, doing hair and in that field, is it's hard to build up your clientele. At least it was for me. I don't think, looking back on everything now, I could have done a lot of things differently. But I didn't know then. You know what I mean? Yeah. You have to put forth an effort to build up your clientele any way you can. And I didn't have that know-how then. Yeah. That sounds more like… I don't know, business, advertising? That would be separate from your actual skill set that you're using in the job, right. Well yeah, because you know, that is your job. That is your business. You're in charge of how much you're building it up, or how much you're not. And how much money you're dishing out to rent that space, and to buy products, and all of that… It takes a lot when you're first starting out. Yeah, I did wonder. Your hair is beautiful! (Laughs) Aw, thank you. Thank you so much. I can't take credit this time. Oh, no? No, between my daughter and my stylist… I'm very well taken care of! Okay! Awesome. Yeah so you mentioned you have a daughter, you have a son. Two kids—are there more? No, I have three children. I have two sons, and a daughter. My daughter is the youngest. And I have two sons… My oldest son is 41, my middle—my youngest son is 34, and my daughter is 28. Okay. Can you talk more about raising them, and what you've learned through your children? I know that's probably… You could write a whole book about that, right? (Laughs) That's a big thing! Well… I would… First of all, I would say they are the best things that have ever happened to me. My first son, I had him when I was 16. My children are 6 and 7 years apart. And let's be clear, I didn't raise them by myself and on my own. I did have a husband. So we raised them together. Some times were better than other times, as far as raising the children. We weren't rich. We were poor. Two-income home. But they had everything they needed, you know what I mean? It's not easy, it's better with two people than one. You know what I mean? It's not easy, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I wouldn't change anything. Because if I changed anything about how they came about, how they were raised, I would not be where I am at this moment. But… How do I put this? I didn't have any… You know, issues, as far as raising my kids—how they turned out. It wasn't an easy journey. I was a young mother. And learning as I went along, you know… And just trying to take one day at a time, always trying to make sure they had, you know what I mean? Always put myself on the back burner. Nevermind me, I'll be okay. I will figure it out. I am grown. But as far as you kids? No. Whatever you guys needed, I would spend my last dime, making sure you guys, you know, had, all the time. I would definitely make sure that their hair was done. (Laughs) Yeah! Right, yeah! My boys always had the nice cut! I always made sure my daughter's hair was always done. With my daughter, that was a struggle, because of the type of hair that she had. But I always made sure that they looked good, that they were clean! Their hair was done, their clothes were clean. They may not have had the name brands that everybody is so hung up on, and all of that… But they always had what they needed! We had good times—we have good times. Everybody's an adults. Everybody comes to and fro… Yeah. I love my kids! I love my kids. Yeah, so you said they're 6 and 7 years apart. What are some things you learned as you became a new mom in those different phases of your life? Oh, wow… What a question! To make sure… I can be hard and stern, but I'm always fair. I'm always fair. And I always try to make sure that, you know, there were no favorites. I always tried to make sure that all of my kids felt loved, and knew that they were loved, and tried to spend as much time with them as I possibly could, in the formative years… You know, going to games, going to school functions, going to parent-teacher conferences, going to open houses, all of that. That's very important. I always tried to do that. When you have kids, you never ever want to look around and wonder, “What happened?” When, or if your kids start acting a certain way, and start talking to you in a certain way, then you wonder, “Where is this coming from?” Or “Who do you think you're talking to?” Then, they'll tell you! You know what I mean? It could come out good, or it could come out bad. But it's very important that you try to do that. I don't know, I mean… Those are some of the things I learned along the way. I always wanted to make sure my kids were happy! You know, happy and… I didn't want them to have to want for anything. Even though we were poor—we didn't have money like that. We were surviving, you know what I mean? We took one day at a time, one week at a time, one check at a time. That's one thing, I always wanted my kids to be happy. I didn't want them to, you know, like they say, be in grown folks' business, about the bills, about the money. I never wanted them to worry about that. So… I hope I answered your question! Yeah! And I guess yeah, speaking of kids, and relationships with kids, what was or is your relationship with your own mom like? Oh okay. So… My relationship with my mom is much better now than it was before. Yeah, take us through the evolution! Oh, God… As much as you're comfortable! (Laughs) So… You know, me and my siblings, we all grew up in church. My mom has been the secretary of our church for over fifty years now. Oh wow, okay. We all grew up in church. I am the baby of six siblings. So we all grew up in church and whatnot… I left home at a real early age, hence me having my first child at 16. So when all of that was going on… It was an ordeal, to say the least. Things weren't… The best, you know. Over the years, things… Got… They were not so good. Let's just keep it at that. Things were not so good over the years. But things got better with time, you know? Fast forward to now, my relationship with my mom is 100% better than what it used to be. Now don't misunderstand me. I am not saying my relationship with my mom, when we did have rocky times… It was never, you know, like the type of cussing and screaming and arguing, slamming doors… Being disrespectful and rude. It was never, ever that. I just want to be clear about that. I never, ever disrespected my mom in that type of way, in that manner. Now, we are excellent, we're much closer. We're in a much better place now. Nice! Did that happen over time? Or do you remember a turning point? It happened over time. I can't give a specific time frame of when it happened. It's just one of those things that happens organically. You don't really, like, oh okay, yes, I remember it was right then! No. It just happens! You go through life, you know what I mean? You're living. So… It just happened. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Let's see, switching gears a little bit! What are some of your hobbies or leisure activities? Ooh! (Laughs) So let's see. Okay! So, I love to sing. I can sing! Not to toot my own horn or anything… Please, toot your own horn! I can sing, I love to sing. I've been singing ever since I was a little girl. I grew up in church singing. I got my singing ability from my dad, and my mom—collectively. I love to sing! In my spare time, I have done weddings, I have done funerals. Occasions like that. And of course, I have my own YouTube channel. That was the next question! (Laughs) But yeah, please continue. I have my own YouTube channel. It started off as being “Let's Talk With Moe”. That was the beginning of it. That used to be the title of it. But now, it's Ms. Moe Reacts. (LINK) And I'm on YouTube. And so I've been doing YouTube for some years now! That's like, my main hobby that I do. My main thing that I do in my spare time. As soon as I'm done Monday-Friday working my 8:30-3:30 job, I try to dive into that. On the weekends and anytime I can through the week. That is my outlet, know what I mean? That is my go-to. So I sing, I have my own YouTube channel. I used to do hair in my spare time, but I don't really do that anymore, you know? I can do hair, I just don't. There comes a time… I still love it, but not like that. Of course, I love to shop!! Who doesn't like to shop!? And you know, I try to spend time with my kids. As much as I can! They're all grown. The oldest lives in Atlanta—he's married. Couple of grandkids… My youngest son and my daughter live with me. My youngest son has a son, and my daughter doesn't have any children. That's really about it. I just really, really love doing my YouTube channel! I really love it. — Full transcript can be found on wisenotwithered.com!

I really feel like our inner work, doing our inner work is the way to change the world and how we have an impact on the outer world. And I so, so deeply believe and know in my heart that embodiment is the way to freedom, and connection, and joy… And all of those things that we long for. So now, I'm moving into building a coaching business, but also writing a book. I feel like some of it is gonna be exorcised from me in the form of public speaking, or teaching, or possibly performance… That's the way I'm going to disseminate the experience to other people. So that is in the works! And I'm still constantly working on—and this has a place in all of these things that I'm mentioning—I'm still working on a solo performance piece that I have been working on for years. I'm performed it along the way in its different iterations at different places. It's called Bicycle Face. In my body and heart and mind, it's going to end up being in an anthology of sorts with other women and folks who identify as women. That's a thread that's through all of this too, and I don't know how all of these things are coming together, but I tell you what! At this time in my life, when I'm rounding the corner to 50—comin' in hot on 50—it feels like all of these things are being braided together in this sort of glowing… Golden braid. — Thanks for joining us on the podcast! So… Natalie Griffith Robichaux. Yes. Cool. Got it. Yay. So what is your age? I am 49. Gonna be 50 in January! Amazing. When's your birthday? January 18th! Okay cool! That's a little less than a month after mine! Hehe. Ah, all right! Are you a Capricorn? I am a Capricorn. I'm very much a Capricorn. Yeah? Are you into astrology? Totally! I have been my whole life. It just makes sense to me. It always has. I'm a Capricorn too! What about the Capricorn sign do you resonate with? Like what comes to mind when you think, “I'm a Capricorn!” I'm fiercely loyal. Can be very… Systems-oriented. Like I kinda get into the organizational, ambition behind organization, making systems work… I'm super passionate, I'm grounded. I can be a little… Jealous… At times? Stubborn! What else… I mean those are the things that come off the top of my head. I have three, including myself, Capricorns in my house. My daughter's a Capricorn, and my husband's a Capricorn. And then my son is a Virgo. So, very different. He's living with three Capricorns in the same building, so it gets interesting! I'm just picturing all the rams butting heads. Is it like that? (Laughs) Sure! (Laughs) There's some of that. But I think we're all very passionate in our own ways. Yeah. Cool! Yeah. So you mentioned you're a mother. What other roles do you currently carry? Like, how do you refer to yourself, and what do others refer to you as? I'm an artist, a performing artist, a teacher, a coach, a guide… I've been shifting the sort of roles and names as I've gotten older. I've become more comfortable with taking up roles that I would've been more timid about taking up before, when I was younger. I like to refer to myself as a witch, in the way that… I read this definition of a witch that an artist made, I don't remember who said this. Maybe we could find it. But it was in the New York Times, this artist that said, “A witch is a woman with unconstrained relationship to her power.” Ooooooh. And so I was like, “I wanna be a witch! So I'm gonna start saying, ‘I'm a witch.' I'm gonna invite that in.” So I guess “witch” would be a role that I would like to embody, that I try to embody. Definitely mother, friend, partner, sister, daughter—those are all very important to me. And you mentioned roles that you are becoming more comfortable with now as you're becoming older. Is that specifically the witch one, or are there others? The witch one, and some friends of mine… A particular friend of mine, who I consider a spiritual guide in my life, has been inviting me to entertain the idea of “shaman” or “shepherd” or… I've been a mentor already, and am a mentor to several young artists, young women. Did that quite a bit and enjoyed that part of my academic career—which is now over. I moved out of academia. So I guess witch, mentor, shaman, guide, shepherd. Okay. And yeah, you mentioned you're an artist. What all does that entail for you? What kind of art? It entails a lot, Juliana! I enjoy making things. I called myself a maker for a long time, cause I really enjoy making things. I love sewing. Years ago I had a handmade handbag line, when I lived in New York City, called Brooklyn Cowgirl, that I did for several years. I like making patterns for things, like sewing patterns. I paint! I also dabbled in a little bit of sculpture. And I'm a performing artist! I've been an actor and a dancer basically my whole life. That would be where my education is, in acting, dancing, movement, performing, and directing. Intimacy choreography for the stage, and all sorts of things. Intimacy choreography? Yeah. Have you heard about this? Mm-mm. You know, it's been a few years now that that's come into play. It's essentially somebody there to help you choreograph intimate moments, or sexual moments, or moments of violence that are of an intimate nature—for the stage. Oh wow. So we bring in all kinds of tools to explain and set up consent culture in the rehearsal room, and on the stage, with everybody involved in the production. And we choreograph like it's a dance—the actual movements of an intimate scene. So it's not just like, “Oh uh, roll around on the bed and kiss each other twice, and let's see what happens!” You know, you choreograph it like it's a dance movement, so that you can count on what's gonna happen—all the people involved can count on what's gonna happen, and you can repeat it. And then you are somebody who maintains, helps the actors and stage management maintain that choreography throughout the run. And sometimes the artists are scared that it's gonna limit things and take the spontaneity, in-the-moment creativity out of a moment that's about the human condition and about connecting in an intimate way. Making an imagined circumstance real. But I've found that the choreography and the consent culture guidelines actually give some guard rails, so that then you can play jazz when you're up there—it really just opens things up in a huge way. Interesting! Yeah, I've never heard about that. That study that I did, and that practice of choreographing several things for the stage, and working with theater groups and things like that—really informs the coaching and therapeutic work that I do. It feels like all of these different elements come in together to… Now as I turn the corner to turning 50, it feels like all of these different areas of study and experience are joining together finally, in a way that I haven't felt before. I've always struggled with doing too many things. Maybe that's something you can relate to—I know you're multi-faceted. Yeah. Yeah, so that in the past has felt like a struggle, and like I'm not doing anything completely… How can I really commit to something. This story, that I need to commit to one thing. Take that one thing all the way—that sort of thing. But now, it really feels like those seemingly disparate things have been really a gift, many gifts, that are now weaving together. Wow! Amazing. I really resonate with what you said, so many different things. That's really cool! Wow. Oh my gosh, there's so many different directions we could go in. How about… Can you talk about your performing arts, how that has shifted? Maybe like how did you first get into it? I mean, I'm sure you always dancing as a kid. But like, how did that evolve? You're a teacher, now you do coaching. Can you talk about it from like a dancing lens, and how that's shifted, changed, and evolved in your lifetime? Yes, yes! Well, dancing is where I started. And the way that I feel it is that it was always through my body, I was really drawn to and excited by and thrilled by expressing myself through my whole body. And that was something that came really easily to me, and it felt really powerful and impactful. It felt like a way that I could be impactful on an audience, or you know, using my expression through my body. And I maybe wasn't the most technically disciplined, or you know, my technical abilities were not always really high, just because of my sheer body shape. I don't know what you know about ballet or any sort of dance, but they can be very rigid, and very prescribed. You know, like a certain body type is a dancer, and there were certain things that my body just wouldn't do. Like there was a limit, even at a very young age, just because of anatomy. But I was always, always, always drawn to expressing myself with my body, and that led me to acting. I found that when I was dancing as a preteen and a teenager, I wanted to speak on stage. I wanted to see what other ways I could do that, those sorts of things. I was also always really fascinated with the human condition, psychology… Feelings! Why we have them! What happens in relationships? All of those things—it's been an area of interest for me for sure. So I went into acting with a BFA undergrad program. And then went directly from there into a graduate acting program, at UCSD in San Diego. That was in the late 90's—the 1900's, as my kids say. (Laughs) They're like “Mom, that movie is from the 1900's, and I'm like ‘Yes, so am I. So am I. I am also from the 1900's.'” That was in the late 90's. In a graduate acting program, your classes are acting, obviously, but there's also movement, and yoga, and body awareness, and vocal training, which is also body awareness-related, and breath-related, and singing and speech. And then how all of these things work together to produce sound! You know, all of that stuff. So I did that training. Loved it. Loved being in that training. And again, I was always an actor, and am still an actor, who first approaches it through the body. I taught a little bit in graduate school—like you are doing, right—as part of my graduate program. And then went to New York City, started working in theater: regional theater, Broadway, Off-Broadway, that sort of thing, in New York. I didn't do a lot of teaching while I was doing that. I was really trying to get jobs as an actor, and honing my retail sales skills, and my waiting tables skills, which I did for many years. (Laughs) Which have actually brought many, many skills that I still use today! And then I found myself wanting… And this was always kind of in the background when I was doing my graduate studies and when I was performing in theater productions and that sort of thing. I found myself wanting some sort of outlet to give back, and I knew that my experience in getting to know my body and using my imagination through movement was such a therapeutic experience for me, that I wanted to share that with other people. And I couldn't quite figure out how to do that. And while I was in New York… I don't even remember where I first heard the term “drama therapy”, but when I heard it, I was like “Oh, what? What??” And it was, you know, theater processes used for therapeutic purposes, right. And I was like, “Oh my god, that would be so great!” Immediately thrilled about it! And at that time, there were only two programs in the country. One at NYU, and one at University of San Francisco. And I applied to the one at NYU—it was another masters program. I was a, you know, struggling, starving actor who was working periodically but not making a lot of money, just making ends meet, and had no health care for a little while. Then would have health care through the actor's union, then I would not have it. Thank god for Planned Parenthood in Manhattan in the early 2000's. They saved my life on several occasions, for just basic female health care. I digress—it is part of the story. I interviewed for the program at NYU, and part of the interview process was they pulled out fifty applicants from their scores of applicants for their drama therapy program, and they all came to NYU for a weekend. And we went through all of these drama therapy exercises as a group, as a sort of like interview process where they would decide who would be M.A. candidates, who would become part of the program. So I got a real taste of what it was. And I was so thrilled by it, Juliana. I just took to it immediately. It made sense in my body. I was doing things with these other people who were interested in it as well, and it was working therapeutically for us in that weekend, even in that short period of time. I was just so excited by it. I got accepted to the program, and then found out the cost of the program. (Laughs) And was not able to do it. And that felt like a derailment. Like oh… Okay… But knew that I was still interested in it. So I got a few books that were written at the time about it, and started reading as much as I could. At that time, I moved with my then-boyfriend, who then became my husband, who I'm still married to now. We moved from New York to Los Angeles. He's an actor as well, and as acting teacher. And we moved to LA, and at that time in my acting work, I realized that I was 33, and… The parts that I was going up for in theater were getting less and less and less. There seemed to be an age gap in the parts that were there. It was like… 30 to 60, it was like there wasn't a lot there. Hm. And, I had reached a point where… I remember being in my agent's office in New York City. We were looking at something called the break downs, where they send out for auditions… They send out like what the characters are and actors they're looking for. So they'll say like… Woman, in her 20's. The character is flamboyant, and whatever. They'll tell the agents what kind of actors they're looking for for the parts. And he read a break down out to me, and it was for something like Cincinnati Playhouse, which was a regional theater, a great theater that would audition in New York and would be a great job to have. I don't remember if it was actually Cincinnati Playhouse, but it was one of those regionals. And it said next to the part that I would be up for, it said “Stars Only”. And that was during the time when reality TV was coming up, and lots of reality stars were starting to do theater, and bring in people for audiences, and theaters were looking for people who had some star power. That was not something I had. I was 33, and I felt like I was coming into a desert zone of parts. And so when I moved to Los Angeles, I left my agency, and I was like, “I'm done. If acting is breaking up with me, I'm gonna break up with it before it gets a chance to break up with me.” (Laughs) So I'm like nah, not gonna do that anymore. Gonna do something else. So in LA, I was really floundering, and trying to find what I was gonna do with this Masters degree in acting, and experience in theater… And I didn't know. And I found a drama therapy institute in Los Angeles, where I could take some classes. It wasn't a degree program, but I could take classes. So I started some classes there. My husband and I decided to start an acting company, or an acting school, in Los Angeles. He was the main teacher, and then I would supplement some things sometimes. So I started teaching a little bit there. And then it went on from there. We moved to Austin, Texas, after we had been in Los Angeles for about four years. We opened an acting studio in Austin, Texas, had that for several years. I had two kids during that time, who are my greatest spiritual teachers. And from there, we decided to move and take up academic appointments at Penn State University. They were offering my husband a job there—he had been teaching in universities in Austin, and they offered him a job, and they offered me a job as well. So that's how I got into academia. And when I started at Penn State, I was really interested in the imagination, and the imagination being the gateway to all progress and growth. And particularly something a teacher called Movement Imagination, which is… It's not a visualization exercise. The best way I can describe it is that your energetic body is moving. And you use it for creative purposes. So I was super, super interested in studying that. That led me Michael Chekhov work, which is an actor training theory and program, that is about the energetic body and expanding creative abilities through the body. And I was training to teach acting, but as the years went along and I got more attuned with Michael Chekhov and my energetic body and all of the doors in my creative abilities started to blow open because of this work… I started noticing my students were having positive therapeutic results from an acting class. Now, you don't ever want to make an acting class a therapy session. That would be unethical. But I was noticing that it was a by-product of the work that was really powerful, and I was really interested in that. Do you want me to keep going? Yeah! That was… Very long-winded answers. No, no, I love this! Yeah, please keep going! (Full transcription of interview can be found on wisenotwithered.com)

Welcome to another episode of the Wise Not Withered podcast! We are in Season 4, Episode 6. This month's guest was Eden Fieldstone, whom I met at a retreat where I met quite a few people who have been and will be featured on this podcast! Eden is multi-faceted, as she will go into, with two very different careers that she holds simultaneously. She talked a lot about her relationship with her own children, and I really appreciated her warmth, humor, and rawness in some of the topics she talked about. — All right! So is it Eden Fieldstone? Mhm. Okay. Thank you for joining us on the Wise Not Withered Podcast! What is your age? 49. 49, excellent. That's my dad's favorite number! Where did you grow up? And where do you live now? I grew up in Toronto, and I still live in Toronto. Okay. Have you lived there your whole life? Lived? Yeah… Pretty much. Nice. Have you visited other places too? Oh yeah. Of course, of course. I went to Brazil three times. I've been to Egypt. Yeah. Obviously, the United States. Brazil—why three times? Oh, cause I have friends down there. And it's my favorite country. I love the culture. I feel very at home there. I feel more at home there than here. Oh, why's that? People are so… Emotional! (Laughs) They're very free with their emotions, they're very free with their emotions, they're very friendly, they're very warm. They're just… I feel like they're very natural. Like there isn't… How to explain it. Like they're just very affectionate, warm people. We're not here. Yeah. Okay, interesting. When was the first time you went to Brazil? 2011? And every time just to visit friends? Yeah. But I was sheltered there. I wouldn't go there by myself. I generally don't… Generally, when I travel, I'm visiting someone I know. I like being on the inside. I don't like being a tourist. Makes sense. You know what I mean? So I'm also taken care of—I don't worry about getting robbed. Brazilian people are generally not coming around you with those intentions. So yeah, that's basically how I like to travel. My friend lives in Bermuda, and I might go visit her. But if I didn't have a friend in Bermuda, I wouldn't go, necessarily. I like to travel where I know somebody, and I'm visiting. Have you been a tourist somewhere? Yeah! For sure, Cuba… I don't like all-inclusive resorts. And I went when I was really young—I was 20. I went to Italy by myself. And I felt so isolated! Cause I couldn't speak the language. It was different, culturally. I had a very hard time communicating. And I think that maybe changed how I travel. Oh, okay. So that was a turning point in the way you approach traveling. Yeah. It was very isolating. I felt isolated. Yeah, that makes sense. Okay, so switching gears a little bit, what is or was your relationship with your mother like? Oh my god… Very complicated. My mother well, is—she's still alive… But, younger… She wasn't, in my opinion, equipped to be a mother. I don't think she wanted to be a mother. There's a lack of nurturing… So… It took me maybe until I was a mother, for me to let go of needing her to be a mother to me. Hm. Yeah. I perceive her more like my biological mother. I interact with her, but it's always… I don't go to her for emotional support, or like typical things you go to your mother for. I don't do that with her. I'm glad I have a daughter. I feel that heals me a lot, that I can have the relationship I craved with my mother. I have it with my daughter. Yeah, that was gonna be the next question, how did it affect your relationship with your children? So… That I don't do what she does. I don't… I'm there for them, emotionally. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. What do you do for a living? Two things! Right now, I'm a professor of Critical Thinking, under the umbrella of English. And I've been a belly dancer for twenty-five years. Yeah! How did you get into the teaching first, and then the dancing? The teaching came from the belly dancing. Oh, really! Cause… Yeah. I never set out to teach. Belly dance, that was my career. And then I danced so much that I injured myself. A few times. And it debilitated me. Cause it was my only source of income, so I would over-dance. And I had to do something else, something that wasn't with my body. So I took this course, teaching English as a second language. And I kind of fell into all of this… I don't teach that anymore. I teach like, critical thinking, literature, stuff like that. Yeah! Yeah, very different things! How do you, I guess balance your identities? And like… I remember at the retreat, you said some of you students found your belly dancing page? Yeah, yeah, yeah! I just deal with it! They're both parts of me. I'm really academic. And I'm really artistic. Like I'm both. I would feel unbalanced if I weren't involved in one of them. Interesting. And I'm curious how that affects like, your mothering as well. Like, do your children… You have a daughter. Do you have other kids as well? I have a daughter and a son. Okay. How old are they? My daughter is 7, my son is 10. And do you talk to them about your belly dancing, or your teaching? Yeah! All the time. What is that like? It's normal to them. They come watch me dance. They've come to my work, teaching. They haven't watched me teach. But they… It's just normal. They hate that I'm on the computer a lot—that's where I have to mark and everything… But yeah. It's just normal for them. Yeah, okay. Interesting. And what brings you the most joy on a daily basis? I think it's feeling connected to other people. Good conversation… Yeah. Very simple! Hugging my kids… Watching their free spirits. Being outside in nature. How are your kids similar to you? And how are they different from you? Well it's funny… With my son, on an aesthetic level, I can pick apart every feature of who he looks like, of which family member. My kids have my hair color, both of them, and they have my jaw line. And my smile. And he has my sensitivity, and he's definitely an empath. And he's got that about me… My daughter has a rebellious side to her, which… She doesn't like rules. Very much like me—when I was fifteen. She's very feisty! (Laughs) So yeah, that's how they're like me! They're both very affectionate. Yeah. Is that also like you? Yeah, I'm very affectionate with them, so I guess they kind of picked it up from me. (Laughs) Nice! What do you do to unwind or recharge after a long day, or long week? That's very hard for me to do. I have to physically leave my house. I mean, I love my children, but I cannot recharge or unwind around them. I have to physically remove myself from my house. Sometimes it's going for a drive, sometimes… I don't get many opportunities to do that. But whatever I'm doing, it has to be away from the home. Too many responsibilities, too many energies pulling on me in there… Yeah, definitely… Seeing a friend or something like that. Just has to be, unfortunately… I can't unwind around my children. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah… Aside from work and family obligations, what other hobbies and interests do you have? I like reading novels. Again, I just like being in nature. I don't know, belly dancing isn't a hobby, but it's something I do enjoy. I like exercising. Those kinds of things. So you said you started your career in belly dancing. Did you start it just as a hobby and then it became a career? Yeah. What was that transition like? At what point did you think, “Oh, I can do this as a career!”? Well I took classes for like three years. Then I started doing amateur shows in groups. Then I was in a dance company. And then I just… Went out to places that hire belly dancers. And I just got hired! That was it! It was very simple. It was like, the easiest job ever. It's the best job. I get paid to dance. I really couldn't ask for anything better. Yeah. So. Yeah, and what kind of gigs do you do? Do you dance at clubs? Or solo shows? Group stuff? Everything. But I don't do—sorry for my yawning—I don't do stags. I don't do anything that's all men. Because then they get other ideas. But no, weddings, anniversaries, baby showers—you name it. Birthday parties. Anything that's celebratory. Yeah. That's what I do. As long as it's not a stag kind of thing. Stag? Like S-T-A-G? And that means all men? And it's usually men who… Like for a guy who's getting married, and he's gonna have his one last hurrah. Oh! Like a bachelor party! They often hire strippers and stuff like that. I don't go to things like that. They have a… Generally, they have a different expectation. I don't do that kind of dancing! Yeah, makes sense! Okay. What has been one of the biggest challenges that you've faced and overcome? Giving birth. Yeah. I had both of my children naturally, with no drugs. My son was 44 hours. And after 30 hours, I only dilated one centimeter. I had a doula, I had my husband. It was hard! It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life! I could not have done it without all that support around me. But I feel like… I'm not disparaging women who haven't had natural childbirth at all. But for me, it was a rite of passage. It made me stronger. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I wanted to crawl out of my body. It was excruciating. I could feel my hip bones separating. Oof. I was shaking… I was in shock for a week after I gave birth to my son. Yeah, it was physically, mentally… It was exhausting. It hurt, so much. And I couldn't escape it. It was the hardest thing I've ever done! (Laughs) There was like… I didn't feel like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. It felt like I was being tortured for 44 hours. And then finally, he came. Yeah, that was the hardest thing… To not go to the hospital and not get an epidural. That was the hardest thing I've ever done. Yeah. Why did you choose to not do that? Because… When you're paralyzed. You're completely disconnected. Your body… They tell you when to push in the hospital. That's not the way… Your body pushes when… There's no control. Your body just will push. There's no mental… There's nothing that you can control when you're in a natural state of giving birth. Your body completely takes over. So… It's just healthier. It's everything. You're disconnected. You're completely disconnected. It's like nothing is going on. But it's the biggest thing going on. And then you have nurses telling you to push. How does the nurse know when my body wants to push? She's not in my body. Yeah… I was afraid I was going to blow my back. Honestly, I just didn't want anything to do with it. At the time, I was like, “Give me the epidural…” It was brutal. But my doula and my husband were not letting that happen. And I appreciate it now, for sure. Yeah. And then three years later you gave birth to your daughter? Yeah. And was that a similar experience? No. I gave birth to her by myself, in my house. Cause the midwife didn't show up… So that was different. Wow…! Yeah, she slept through the pager. So I called 9-1-1, and she was like half out of me when 9-1-1 answered, and then the fire department was in my room. The paramedics were in my room… It was crazy. The midwife wasn't there. Wow. My daughter was fine. It was quite something. Yeah. But she came twice as fast as my son, and it was half the pain. And I knew what I was doing. So I just was like, “I'm done with this. I hate being pregnant.” And I just gave birth to her. And that was it! I was done with it. I was like, “I've had it!” Finished! Yeah. Wow… You mentioned like, a mental challenge. So it wasn't as much of that with your daughter. No. Not at all. Okay. Interesting. I think the first… Well for me, I only have two, so I can't… But it's understood that the first is the hardest, and then it gets easier, and easier… Yeah. Yeah. Interesting… I'm just thinking about what it must have been like for my mom… It's hard. But… You know, it really strengthens you as a person. Just having to go through that, and coming out the other side. It's definitely a rite of passage, for sure. Yeah. And then how about just, raising your kids? What has been challenging about… Now that they are their own, little person? (Laughs) Sleep deprivation. As you can see, I'm yawing all the time… Trying to manage work and children. You know, their needs. It's always their needs. Always about them. Which is fine, cause that's the way it's supposed to be. Just… Kind of like… For me, cause I put so much into them… It's hard to give to myself. I don't have the time. I don't have the time. But it's important. My challenge as a mother has been, how do I nurture them, and give them the opportunities to fulfill whatever dreams that they have? And then, carve out the same space for myself. Which, I still… It hasn't happened. I'm trying to write a novel. I can't write the thing. Because between work and my kids, I have no time. Yeah. So it's definitely a challenge. And I think the less economic means you have, the harder it is. Right. I don't have someone coming to my house. No one's coming to my house, cleaning my house, cooking my meals for me… So there's a lot of domestic work that I have to do. So there isn't free time for myself. And it's not good. I don't know how to navigate around it. Yeah… How did you find BWA? Just some Facebook ad! What drew you to it? Just what Leslie was talking about, how your outer world is a reflection of your inner world… And how talk therapy doesn't change your inner drive, I guess? That's not the right word, but I can't remember her phrasing, to be honest. But it was that kind of idea that drew me to it. Yeah. Has it changed your life, do you think? Changed my life? No. I wouldn't say it's changed my life. I think that I am more grounded. I don't spin out, to the extent that I used to. So I mean, there's a change. But it hasn't changed my whole life. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. It's not like a… Super huge kind of ground-breaking… Yeah, I just feel more grounded. I feel like if things don't go the way I want it or expect it, or it hurts, or whatever… I kind of just… Well, maybe this is for the best, and I lean into it. Embrace things more. I have a little more faith… That the universe is here to help. I don't know. Do you know what I mean? There's more of a groundedness. Mhm. Yeah, I check my mind stories a lot. Yeah. I don't let myself go… I try to not let myself get sucked… I recognize when I'm getting sucked into someone's energy. And I can pull away… Yeah. Yeah, you mentioned the spinning out. Is that what you meant? Getting sucked into things… Yeah, or just like… You know, just spinning out, like, “Oh the future… And this… And that…” That kind of stuff. Mhm. Like, being trapped in that uncertainty versus the trust that you were talking about, that things will… Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Makes sense… So how do you define success? Self-fulfillment. I don't define it by money. No, I never have. Success is something you achieve, I guess… So to achieve, or… It could be anything. I was actually thinking of the success of my uncle—one of my uncles. I was thinking that he's so different with his kids than the way he was raised. And I see how my cousins are really grounded people. And I was like, you know, that's success. Like, he changed the direction of some intergenerational… I don't know if I would say trauma necessarily, but ways of relating to people. Yeah, he changed the direction with his kids. And… He's got a great job, and he's got lots of money and whatever, but that's—to me—not the success part. It's how he parents. Yeah. Do you consider him a mentor? Like do you look up to him? A little bit, yeah. A little bit… We're not that close. I think that… I think spiritually, if one fulfills whatever purpose they're here to do, that's success. Overcoming something that's difficult—that's success. It's not monetary. I know in our culture, it's very materialistic. But to me, success is not about that. Yeah, that makes sense. Who are some of your mentors, or people that you've looked up to? I look up to Madonna! I really like her! I do! I think she's such a trailblazer, and that she's still going at 64. I like that about her. I look up to… Oh god, I'm just so tired right now. So many people. Basically, any… Okay. There's this astronaut or mathematician in NASA, this black woman in the 50's, and she was very instrumental. Katherine Johnson. You know, people who go against the status quo… Or surprise you. Or they do the unexpected, I guess, in a positive way. Yeah. So… I'm not articulating myself very well. (Laughs) It's okay. Yeah. What's something you've learned about yourself, in the last few months to a year? Hoh… I'm very, very sensitive. And I come across as… Confident. Which is true. But I'm still very sensitive. Yeah. And you just realized that about yourself recently? No, it's not that I just realized. I don't know what I JUST realized about myself… What I JUST realized… That I am perimenopausal. There you go! I just realized that! (Laughs) Nice! (Laughs) All right. I skipped my period for fifty days. And I was freaking out. I was like, totally going crazy. Then it came. And then it came regularly again. Yeah. What else… That I… I don't know. There's nothing I JUST realized about myself, to be honest. Okay, no problem. Nothing new. There's nothing new. Maybe a continuation, but nothing new. How do you feel about menopause? Does it freak you out? Yeah. I'm gonna be honest, it does. If you don't mind sharing, what about it scares you? Um… That… The loss of being fertile… Bothers me. The coming in to the end of my life. I know menopause is not—I'm only 49. But it's a whole different… Yeah. I guess aging. All those hormonal, major changes. I… When I was especially a bit younger, when I would ovulate, I would feel this like, surge of energy. And I felt like, this power, like I could do whatever I want. I don't know, it was like I was on a high or something. So I don't know what menopause is gonna feel like, cause I'm not on menopause, right… Yeah. I guess I will just embrace it when it comes, but… I don't know. Yeah. I think what I discovered about myself is that I don't like change, actually. I don't like change. It's something I need to work on. But menopause is… It's a little scary for me. Yeah. Yeah, it's definitely not something we talk about as a culture. Did your mom ever talk to you about her experience? Yeah! I talk to her about it all the time! Oh! Oh, you do? Okay! Mhm! It's not pleasant, what she tells me. I don't know if I want to repeat it, but… The analogies are stark! So… Yeah! Yeah… I'm not the best one to talk to about menopause, because I'm not in it, but… I have a fear of it. Yeah, makes sense. Yeah, I don't know what else to say about it. Yeah, no problem. What's something you're looking forward to? I guess, doing more stuff with my kids. Maybe traveling a bit. Yeah, traveling… Where's a destination? I want to see the Northern Lights, in Canada. I would really like to see them. Yeah! I haven't planned it, but it's something that I would like to see. And where is that visible? Where can you do that? I think the Northwest Territories. It's far. It is pretty far from where you are? Absolutely. I'm in a city. A massive city. Toronto is a massive, metropolitan, crazy city. The Northern Lights, I think they're in the Northwest Territories. Okay. Do you travel with your kids? Are they of traveling age yet? Oh yeah, I travel with them. I went without them to Brazil. And that was very hard for me. But I'll tell you, after three days, though, I was fine! I didn't have to… I had a break. It was amazing, to just… Live in my day without having to take care of somebody. I'm not disparaging being a mother or anything, but it's very hard to always be taking… You're always having to take care of someone else. Always. Always. Every decision you make is like… Based on, how is this going to affect my kid? Can I do this? Can I not do this? Blah, blah, blah. I mean I do, in my daily life… It's rare, but I do go out, and I come back and 4 o'clock in the morning. I swear to God I do. I go out and I have a good time. I don't care. Cause I feel like that's really important. I'm not about staying home all the time. No, I probably go out once a week. Late. (Laughs) I go to live music, I hang out with my friends. I see my friends a lot. I make a point of it. Yeah. I'm not gonna just wither away in my house. It's not happening. Yeah, that's great!! I feel like that's probably good for your kids too! They don't like when I'm gone! They get upset. “Where are you going?” I'm like, “You're going to bed. What does it matter? I'll be here when you wake up. Like, it doesn't matter.” “No, Mommy, where are you going?” They think my personal life, like everything about me, is their business. Yeah. Like my son will look over my shoulder and read my text messages. Ohh…! Oh yeah! All the time… They think that the way they are my business, that I am their business. And it's not that way. They can't understand it. There are different roles. I don't want to say it's power differential, but it really is! But, for their benefit! You know? They don't understand that I'm a full grown adult, where they can't! (Laughs) Yeah. I love that. (Laughs) So interesting. Yeah. Well, is there anything else you wanted to talk about that I didn't ask? No, not really! I just… For me, as I'm getting older, as the decades go on, I feel that I'm more open-minded, and I'm not as judgmental. I can see different perspectives. I'm calmer. So those are nice things! I'm not as fired up about everything that I used to be. Yeah. So that's nice! (Laughs) Yeah, just mellowed out a little bit. Yeah, I've mellowed out a lot. Totally. Yeah. Yeah! Well thank you so much for joining us! Thank you!

Welcome to the Wise Not Withered Podcast! This is Season 4, and we are at Episode 5. So this month's guest was Coco Mitchell, who is a model! She has been in the industry for many, many years, and I found her on Instagram! I honestly can't remember what I was even searching for, but I found it really inspiring that there was an older women—there are still many older women who are continuing to model, and are really in it still. I'm gonna let her tell her own story. I honestly did not do a lot of research before contacting her, which she actually called me out on, which I was appreciative of. She is super, super accomplished. She has been all over the world, working with some of the really big names in fashion, which I don't really know much about, but I definitely learned a lot from her. She just really has such an incredible story. Coco Mitchell is just so warm, and friendly. She's so brave and humble, and she's truly just such a truth-teller. My admiration for her grew with everything she shared. So I hope you feel just as inspired as I was, talking to Coco Mitchell, as you listen to her tell her really amazing story. All right, is it Coco Mitchell? Am I saying your name right? Yes. All right, so let's just get right into it. Thank you so much for joining us on the Wise Not Withered Podcast. What is your age? Thank you for having me, and I would rather not share my age. Okay. I mean, during the course of this conversation, you will probably figure it out, but in the meantime, it's not something that I do readily. And the reason is… Yeah. Because I'm still IN the fashion business. And if I share my age, with that comes a price tag. Oh… You understand? Yeah, I've been modeling for 40+ years. Right. And because of that, I think in terms of dollars and cents. And when I first started in this business, the thing that drew me to it was that I could make money, and that I could travel. And before I started working, I was a teacher. I taught 1st, 2nd, and 3rd grade in New York City. Oh wow! Yeah! I graduated from college, I'm walking down the New York City block. And this woman comes up to me, introduces herself. Her name is Eileen Ford. And she says to me, she asks me if I had a book. I said, “I have lots of books!” And she started laughing, and I'm thinking, “Why is she laughing?” Cause I think everything is funny. I don't take offense at anybody, or anything, because I don't know you, you don't know me. So she says to me, “I mean a book with pictures in it.” And I said to her, “Why would I have that? I'm a teacher. Actually, on my way to becoming a teacher. I'm graduating from college.” And she's like, “What?” And she asks me, “Well, how much are you going to make as a teacher?” And my first job was going to be in a Catholic school, here in Manhattan, in New York City, and I was going to $227 every two weeks. I was proud! And she said, “What? You could make that as a model, every 15 minutes.” And all I could think of was, “Okay, whatever. I just graduated from college, and this woman is telling me this. But this is not important to me.” And so you know, I took her phone number, I took her card, blah blah blah. And I started my teaching career. And I'm teaching in this school, and I have no money. None. And I'm living in Manhattan, in a little matchbox apartment. And I'm walking from 98th Street to 25th Street, every day, back and forth. No money, going to my mom's house to get food to put in the refrigerator. And since I'm working in a Catholic school, I don't really have to have a lot of clothing. So here I am, doing this. And then I'm like, “Lord, is this what I'm supposed to do the rest of my life?” And all I could remember is, I think God is saying, “Call Eileen.” I look for the card, I called her up, she sets up an appointment. I go and I sit and I talk with her. And she's talking… And you know Charlie Brown, when somebody is talking, and it's like, “Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah”? And that's what it was! I'm sitting there, and this woman is talking about people taking pictures of you, and you're gonna get paid for it. And it sounded ludicrous! And when she said, “You can travel, see the world, and make money.” I said, “Okay, sign me up!” I always wanted to travel. I grew up in a family with five brothers, a sister, a grandmother, and a mother. And we lived in a house. We didn't have a car. We were not on food stamps, but we did not have a car. We didn't drink sodas. There was no luxury items. Growing up, I would go home, straight from school. So I think that's the reason that I didn't know what a model was, because I didn't sit with friends, looking through magazines. Right. I didn't know that the people in those magazines, that was a job. I thought they were just good-looking people. (Laughs) Wow. Yeah! So when she told me that, I said, “Okay, sign me up.” I started working as a model. I shot Madmoiselle and Glamour magazine, and it all seemed very nice… It took forever to get my first job. And I'm saying to myself, okay, I'm in this business. Right, cause it's a business. And I'm already like twenty-four years old, so I'm not stupid. I graduated from college. But I wanted to live some place… Originally I'm from Tampa, Florida. And I wanted to live some place where there was sky, and there's a beach. So I said to her, I don't feel comfortable going on all these appointments, going in these big buildings, walking around like a mole in a maze… I need the sky, I need the sun, I need the beach. She's looking at me like I'm crazy. And I said, “Is there any place else I can go?” And she's like, “You can go to Florida, or you can go to California.” Well since my family is from Florida… My parents are Cuban. And Cuban people are very strict. You don't go here, you don't do this, you don't do that. And I said, no! I want to live my life! I'll go to Los Angeles! So here I am… I go to Los Angeles. I'm fairly new in this business. I don't know anything about it. All I knew is that I'm gonna live life on my own terms. I'm a grown-up, right. So I go to L.A. and I live there, and I love it. I lived there seven years. Should I keep talking? Mhm! Cause this is almost kinda like my story. Yeah, you're definitely already answering some of my questions, so please keep going! So here I am, in L.A. It's wonderful. I go on casting… I meet the most incredible photographers, and make-up and hair people. I don't have a car. I don't know you have to have a car in L.A. back in… It was the early 80's. I don't know anything! All I know is that I will not be able to work if I don't have a car. But how do you get a car if you don't have money? And because I was raised very… How do you say, very humbly. But no guilt, no shame. Nothing. Knowing that my mother and grandmother did their best to put food on the table. So how am I gonna make money? And I would meet people, you know. And I met this woman, and she was on her way to a beauty salon. So I asked the owner if I could work there. And he's like, “Well, do you do hair?” And I said, “No. Is there anything else I could do?” And he said, “Well, you could sweep the hair up off the floor.” And I'm thinking, “Okay! I need money.” And I think most people, because of pride, because of shame… Because of already having worked for Glamour magazine, and Essence magazine, and Madmoiselle, I should think more highly of myself, which I don't. I had to be humble. So I swept up hair for a whole year. I graduated to be shampoo girl. (Laughs) In L.A. And then I get a little raggedy car. And I start to go to visit my agent. And they start sending me on appointments, and castings, and all of this stuff. And I started working there. And that's where I really learned how to be a model. And because of all the wonderful people that I met, some of the photographers… My pictures would be in my books, and when they would go to Europe, people would see the pictures, and that's how I got a chance to go to Europe. That's another story. And I lived there for twelve years. The first year I was living in L.A. and they would send for me to do a job in Florence, with a really famous photographer. His name was Aldo Fallai. And I would work with him. And I said to myself, “The next time the send me to Florence, I'm staying!” Because it's my life, right? I don't know how this modeling business really works, where you're supposed to just do what they tell you. So I stayed there for a year, I learned to speak Italian, and I was studying art. And my agent calls me, she's like, “What are you doing??” I said, “I'm learning Italian, I'm studying art—” She's like, “You're a model!! What? No! If you're gonna stay in Italy, you have to go to Milan!” And I'm thinking, “Milan? What is Milan?” So I leave… (Laughs) This is like, hysterical! I go to Milan, and I'm thinking, “Okay, I have no idea… But at least I speak Italian! I have no idea what these people want from me.” Because it's not as if it was like, my biggest dream to be a model, you know? It was a means to an end as far as I was concerned. So now I'm in Milan, and I go, and they send me to see Giorgio Armani, and he says, “Walk.” And I'm like, “What is he saying…?” He doesn't speak English, he's saying, walk. What is that? So I get up, and just walk across the floor, like whatever, you know. He sits down. He calls my agent, and he says to my agent, “Is she retarded?” Oh! And my agent says to me, “Coco, what is wrong?” “I don't know what he wants.” “He wants you to walk.” “I don't know how, what walk??” “All black girls know how to walk!” And I was thinking, “I am in trouble!” He says, “Okay, act like you have on your mother's high heels. You have a purse, and you have a scarf.” And I'm thinking, “He doesn't know how old I am. He probably thinks I'm eighteen.” So I stand up, I go up on my toes, I throw the scarf—the fake scarf—and I have the purse. And I walk like I'm a little girl, looking in the mirror. Well, Armani is laughing. My agent just told me that it's three shows. $15,000 a show. I don't care if Armani is laughing. I want the money. Yeah. Like Eileen said, I could help my family. So I got the shows. That first season in Milan, I did fifteen shows. Wow! Not knowing how to walk at all. The only thing that saved me was the fact that they didn't tape the shows. There was no monitor backstage, where you could see that I was a total wreck. And it was really crazy! And at the end of the show, this photographer comes up to me—this Italian photographer. And he says, “Who are you?” And I'm looking, and kinda laughing to myself, and I say, “I'm Coco Mitchell!” He says, “You're horrible!” All I could think of, is that he's right! I am! He's like, “Are you going to Paris?” I say, “Yes!” He says, “Don't go.” So I'm like, “But I want to go.” He's like, “Okay. Here's my card.” Here's another card someone hands me out of nowhere. That's why I believe in God, cause it's all providence. “Call me when you get there.” In the 80's, the shows were all elevated. The runway was higher than the people in the audience. And the photographers at the end of the runway were in what they call the “pit”. Well, that season, I was in the pit with this photographer—all stinky, sweaty photographers—and he's showing me… I have a bird's eye view of how it really looks. I could see the girls coming from back stage, walking, and I'm thinking, “That's how they walk!? Wow!” So he's just like, “Take it in. Look. Study this. You should be doing these shows, but you can't walk like this forever. Somebody's gonna find out.” So what I did was I kinda taught myself. The next season, I went back to Milan, I worked in Milan. I worked in Milan, and then I worked in Paris, and then I decided, “I'm going to live here.” And that's what I did. I worked for Yves Saint Laurent, Christian Dior, Givenchy, Versace, Armani… Anybody that you could think of, I've worked for. Wow. Only because, I had no shame. I did not take offense. I don't know you, you don't know me. And in this business, you have to have so much courage, because the way that people will treat you… Is horrible. You have to decide what you… I mean, I decide what I want to do, and how I want to be treated. And if someone is not nice, I will not work for them. I don't care. You know? Yeah. And it all has to do with—for me—just taking my own stance. To this day, forty plus years later, I'm still working. It's no longer a career, it's now a job. And now that I have this job, what do I do with this job? Why am I still doing this, Lord? And the reason is, I have to be in the room. I have to be in the room. I have to… Not even to just share my story, being the first black woman in Sports Illustrated—1986. Wow! Being one of the first black women to do a campaign for Revlon, which was called Polished Ambers, the first black line of cosmetics. Not to share so much those things that I've done, but to share the fact that, if you want to do something—I believe this—then you have to stick with it, you have to be persistent, and you have to always be training and teaching yourself, if you want to stay in the game. And I want to be in the game, like, “Put me in, coach! I'm ready.” But you can't be ready if you don't train. And so I still watch all the shows online. I still look at all the magazines. I still look at everything. Because when the door opens, I want to be able to walk through the door, and ask for the amount of money that I want. Yeah. And that kind of is my story. That's really who I am, and that's the way that I was raised, to not really give other people the power. Cause you don't have power over me, you know? Growing up, we were not religious. But there's no way that my mother and grandmother could do what they did without giving God the credit. And that's the way that I grew up, always knowing that He is in charge, no matter how it looks, good or bad. And it all depends on how I react, you know. That's always been who I am. So… Do you have any questions? (Laughs) Yeah, that was amazing! Thank you so much. I feel like I learned so much just from all of that. Thank you, thank you, yeah… That's been my life. It's been an amazing journey, you know. Even talking to you. If I didn't do this job, how would you even want to call me and find out who I am? And then talking with you, maybe it'll encourage some other person. Yeah! Not a worn and withered person, but you know, just everybody! What we learn in our life is not just for our demographic—it's for everybody! It's to uplift and encourage, and also… Like I said, I could be very direct, but just learning how to approach people and get your point across without chopping off someone's head. (Laughs) You know, that kind of thing. That's what I had to learn, just how to… It's like, navigating through life. How do you get what you want, without being offensive, or being offended. Mm… Oh wow, yeah! And that's always my goal. Every morning when I leave. When I walk out my door, first thing I say is, “Why am I leaving my house? What is the reason? Am I going to be triggered by some crazy person on the streets of New York City?” It's hard out here! (Laughs) Yeah. Yeah, so… You know. It's armor. It's my armor, that's what I put on. I put on the armor of “Let's get it done. What is the reason? What's the purpose? Why show up?” Mm, mhm. Why am I sitting here? Why? What?? You know… And the other thing that I want to share with you… You know, all of this inclusivity, and diversity. I hate these words! Yeah? It's like… Why? Stop talking about it, and be about it! Just do it! These things should have been happening forever. Right. But now, because people got killed… George Floyd. All of these people, things are online now. And you see people being murdered. And now, it's time to do something about it. Which should have been happening before, you know? It's really hard to hear, you know, these “inclusivity” and “diversity”… But inclusivity and diversity without the proper amount paid to you. That's what I don't like. I don't like the fact that companies have to have black people, Asian people, brown people. And now you don't pay top dollar, you just get someone off the street, and you pay them pennies, and then you think you're gonna pay me pennies! No! And that's my stance on the whole thing. I think that, okay, if you don't have the experience, then you take a dollar. But if you want someone with experience, with this whole inclusivity, diversity, body positivity, all of that, you have to pay! And this is one of my… You know, carrying that flag! Yes! Worn and withered, but not dead! (Laughs) You know, I did a job for Estée Lauder, right after the lockdown. And I'm on set, and I have no makeup on. I have really good skin, thank God. And the girl standing next to me has on a beautiful blouse. I have on a camisole. And the girl standing next to me is maybe twenty-five, Asian, and she has a beautiful blouse on. She has on glamorous makeup. Her hair looks fabulous. And then the woman standing next to her, maybe forty years old, and she has on a beautiful blouse, fabulous makeup, gorgeous hair, and I look like I'm going to do the laundry! What is that saying to women of a certain age?? So I walk off the set, I'm standing behind them, praying like, “Lord, I have to say something.” Because I don't feel comfortable. Now I could've just did what they want me to do, take the money, and go home… And I want to know why! I want to know why. Because I go to events. I go to the ballet, I go to the opera. I go out to dinner. I wear makeup. I buy clothing! And you have me looking… What does this mean? What does this say? So I'm like, “Lord, how do I say this?” And they're like “Coco! Oh she's over there.” So I go back on set. And this is when all of the big TV screens, with all the faces, were right there on set. Cause you know, it's the lockdown, covid, blah blah blah. So I'm like okay. I walk off the set again, I walk over to the big screens, and I say… I'm very dramatic. And when I'm passionate about something, it's like, “I have to something to say!” And I said, “I have to say this. I don't understand what you're trying to say.” And I said, “My people are not going to be happy. And I'm not talking about black people. I'm talking about women of a certain age. What are you saying to us? Are you telling me that I don't buy Estée Lauder makeup? That I don't wear beautiful clothing? That I don't go out? I just… Stay home, and… Do what?” And then I just walked away from the screen and got back on the set. They started screaming, “Take Coco off the set! Put makeup on her! Give her something else to put on!” So I'm like, “Okay, thank you, Lord.” Cause they could've said, “Whatever, girl. Whatever, lady! This is what we're doing.” Yeah, wow! So they put these clothes on me, they glammed me up, right. I still get paid for the usage of this image that's being used. Friends send me from London, Paris, Tokyo, Hong Kong, on the Estée Lauder counters—that image of me and those two other women. Now if I didn't speak up… I mean… I have to speak up. I could've lost the job forever. But that's the chance you take! I mean, you have to be… Everyone will not be able to do it. And I think I was chosen to do this job. Cause I didn't ask for it! I was chosen on the streets of New York. I was chosen to do this job, and to stay in it, to speak up, for people who are afraid to speak up. Otherwise it'll be a Me Too situation all over, we're just going along, to keep our jobs… You know? I have to pay the rent, too. Thank God I learned how to save money. But everyone is not going to speak up. So if I feel I can, I'll speak for you. Yeah, that's beautiful. And I think that happens because the way that I was raised, and watching my mother, and raising money… She belonged to all these different organizations, getting senators and congressmen elected into the government—black senators and black congressmen, when we weren't there! So I feel like, I have to pay homage to my mother for standing up. Yeah. Yeah, so that's really who I am. It's all beautiful, it's all very glamorous, and sometimes it's not. It's hard work! But all of that aside, I'm just a normal person who got chosen to do a beautiful thing, and who's allowed to still say how she feels, and take the consequences, you know? Yeah. I was doing a job for L.L.Bean. And I work for them all the time, and all of a sudden… I walk in, and the clothes… It's like, I don't know how many pieces… It had to be a hundred and fifty pieces of things that I'm supposed to wear. And I'm thinking, “I've worked for them before. I've never worn more than twenty.” Wow… And I'm thinking, something is wrong here. No one says anything… And I have a lot of energy, for my age—which I'm not telling you! (Laughs) So here I am, I'm trying my best. But I'm thinking, this is not right! So I come from behind the little makeshift fitting room, dressing room. And I said, “Okay, slavery is over. I have called my Uber. And I'm out of here.” Everyone's looking at me like I was crazy. I get to the hotel, my agent calls me, “You said—you were talking about slavery!?” I said, “Okay, wait a minute! I'm a black woman, and I can talk about slavery.” They had almost a hundred… You know, L.L.Bean. Shoes, socks, pants, jacket, sweater, blouse, hat… What?? And she's like, “Well, Coco, you just walked off! Why didn't you call me?” I said, “Because I was mad at you. Because you sent me there. They didn't tell you?” She's like, “Oh, I didn't know! But they'll never use you again!” I said, “I will never work for them again! You don't get it!” And she's like, “But Coco, sometimes the girls do it because they have to pay their phone bill.” I said, “Jenny, when I was in my twenties, one hand was the phone bill, the other hand was, do I buy Louboutin, or Manolo Blahnik shoes or pay the phone bill? I would buy the shoes.” I said, “I am no longer that age. I don't have to worry about paying my phone bill. So you give those jobs to those girls. And don't ever send me to any place like that again.” But, because I've worked for this company before, I was blind-sided. I DMed the art director, the man in charge. I said, “Greg, what was that?????” And I put ten question marks, exclamation. I put #YouPlayedMe #ImNotHappy. He DMs me back, he's like, “Coco, is this message for me?” And I'm like, yes. Now I can tell him what happened. Because nobody ever asked me what happened! My agent's not speaking up for me. They only care to keep the client. So if they can fill my spot with another girl, they don't care! That's the whole thing about this business. It's not personal. They don't care about you! Right. So if you think they do, you're in trouble! So I told him everything. He apologized. He said, “I am so sorry. If we did anything, you should have been booked for two days.” He said, “But that was called e-commerce.” I said, “Don't even mention that word to me.” He's like, “We will never book you for that again. We would love to continue to work with you. I am so sorry!” Do you know I just came back from Colorado, shooting with them? Okay. Now if I didn't speak up, everything would have been… The woman is crazy. She's ungrateful. Whatever! I don't know what they might be thinking. But I had to set the record straight. I'm saying all of these things, these are examples of taking a chance and speaking up! Yeah. And all the young models that I know, now when they go to L.L.Bean, they know that that might be waiting for them, so they have to let their agents know. They can use my name, I don't care! “Coco Mitchell said…” (Laughs) So… I kept my client, I kept my dignity, and I'm working for them this coming week in New York. But if I didn't say anything, it would've just like, “Oh well, another client…” Yeah, dang… Yeah, that's… I don't know. I think that's why I'm in the room. Even if they had stopped working with me, at least I said my piece. And at least they could think about us models as human beings, not just something to use. And you know, after covid, everything is sort of digital. The advertisers don't want to pay, the retailers don't want to pay. Everyone wants to make a dollar, and they want to spend a dime doing it. And it's not fair! Yeah. So that's me griping. (Laughs) No, I love it! That's so inspiring. Thank you. I want to be inspiring. I don't want to come across as bitter, because I'm not. I'm not bitter about anything. My whole life has been just so amazing. And to continue doing this job that I love, I'm like, “Why am I still doing it?” I do it because what other job can you have where you don't see the same people every day? You always meet someone new. You always have a chance to learn from someone and leave something with them, you know? It's amazing! It's amazing. It's a wonderful job. Sometimes it's not so wonderful, but at the same time, that's what you signed up for! Wow… Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing all of that. You're welcome! I guess a little bit lighter, outside of your job, what are some hobbies or other interests that you have? Hobbies… Well, you know, I love the ocean. Yeah! I love the beach! I love the fact that I live near two rivers: the East River, and the Hudson River. And on the Hudson River you can do what they call paddle boarding. You can kayak. You can join different clubs. I've kayaked from New York to New Jersey, across the Hudson River, which is a very strong current. (Laughs) Dang!! That was crazy! But you know, you have to train. And I used to run marathons, but not anymore. I wish I had started that earlier. Because I would have run marathons around the world. You know, go to Spain and do a marathon. But the New York marathon is pretty major. It's long… 26.2 miles—I think that's a marathon! Yeah, I think so. And I did three of them! Oh wow! Oh my gosh. Yeah, each one was to raise money for different organizations. So that's why I ran. And it wasn't running to win. It was running to be a part of… A marathon is like an amazing, living, breathing organism, where you feel… You know, you're training to do this thing. I'm not an athlete like that. But you feel… The support that you get from all of the people that you meet. And you run around Central Park, and you meet different people, and there's all these different clubs of… You know, encouragers! It's amazing! So my main hobbies are walking all around New York City. That's what I've been doing since 8 o'clock this morning. I just walk the neighborhood. I just wanted to see how it looked without all the people. And, you know, that's really what I do. And being around my family. That's kind of a hobby in itself. And your family—does that include like, your siblings, or do you have children, or cousins? I don't have children. And I think you know, because I've just traveled for the last I think thirty-five years of my life… Yeah, wow! This is the first time, with covid, I've nested! I literally live in my apartment. I literally have furniture. I bought a Swedish bed that cost so much money… And yeah! I live here. I live here… But you don't know how hard it is… I keep saying, “Am I supposed to be here? I would really rather be in Paris…” You know, I feel the itch! I have siblings—my sister. All my siblings live in Florida. I have nieces and nephew, who are all very creative people. One of my nieces, she's a stunt woman! Whoa! Yeah! She was in Black Panther! Oh, cool! She was one of the women with the bald head, the warriors. And she also did the stunts for Viola Davis, woman king. Amazing. She's doing a movie right now—I forget what it is. They're shooting it in New Jersey, or some place. And she's done lots of TV stuff… And I have a nephew, he's a singer. And one of my nieces, she's a tattoo artist. She lives in Colombia. She travels all over the world, doing tattooing. And she's been in all these tattoo TV shows, and all of that kind of crazy stuff. And they all say, “It's because of you!! You encourage that we do these things!” And I'm like, “Thank you! Wow!” I didn't realize I was such an inspiration. Yeah! I could see that. Yeah. You know, when you leave your own country, and you go and you forge a place for yourself in a land that you've never been to. You don't speak the language… And people don't really ask you, “How did you get around?” Because you really… The agency just gives you a list, and you have to go! Well, how do you go? And people don't really ask, “How did you do that? How did you do it?” You just have to do it. You get together with other girls who are just as scared as you are, and a lot younger… Half of them were half my age. And you know, you just sit down, and you map it out. And you all go together. It's been fun! My mother traveled with me, and stayed with me many months. It's been great. So no, never married, never had kids… I've been engaged! A couple of times… But I am such a… I don't know what it is. People talk about signs and stuff. I'm Aquarius, so I don't really see things the way a lot of people see things. I think, really, outside of the box. I don't let a lot of things worry me. And I'm always just kind of positive, and upbeat. So… I think, even all of the boyfriends I've had, and even the fiancées. The problem has always been, “What are you talking about?” And not being understood… So I'm like, I don't know if I could live like that. I can't acquiesce—my character is too strong. Yeah. So… That's it. That's really who I am. Yeah… Wow. I guess just a couple more questions. How do you define success? How do I define success? Success… I think, for me, success is not about how much money… I think I kinda said this earlier. It's not about how much money you made, but it's the impact you made on the people that you were around when you were making that money. That's success to me. I mean, anybody in this fashion business that you might know by name, I know personally. And each one knows that when I'm in the room, you cannot be rude, you can't be judgmental, you can't put people down. You can't talk to a makeup artist or hairdresser any which way you want. No! And that's success to me. That impact that I make on your life. That's what success is. And, at the same time, you know, it's getting all those jobs. Cause when I go out for a job, I want the job. I want it. And that's success—getting it. Knowing that you deserve it, too. I deserve this! I didn't just say, “I want it” and not work hard for it. So I think that's what success is. Yeah, amazing. Putting your nose to the grindstone and doing the hard work—behind the scenes. And then reaping the success from that. Okay. Yeah! Thank you. And one last thing… What are you currently looking forward to? Wow… I ask myself that every day. Every day! What is next? What is next! I mean, we see that the way the world is moving, right? I mean, as far as… I have a very close friend, and he does the Amazon marketplace, and he does all of this stuff. And he's already taught me how to box… You know, helping him, boxing, and tagging, and labeling. And that's part of the entrepreneurial part of this world that we live in now. It's just a matter of… Do I want to do that? I think I still want to travel the world, see new things, and just keep it moving, until I can't walk anymore. Ah, I love that! That's what I want! I just want to live my life the way I want to live it. And I don't know where that's going to take me. I don't know what that is. But I know that just… Every day, you know. If you keep your eyes open… If I keep my eyes open, it's always happened that somewhere down the line, the trajectory always turns. It's like a river. It always leads me someplace else. And I'm looking for that turn that's about to happen. And that's the answer to that question. I have no idea! None. But at the same time, I'm free! I don't have kids, I don't have a husband. I don't have anything tying me to anything! Unlike a lot of people, I'm just grateful for the fact that I do what I want, when I want, how I want, as long as I want. And when I don't want to do it, I don't do it! Right, yeah. And that's… I have no idea. Answer question: I don't know! (Laughs) Yeah! Amazing. Wow, do you have any final thoughts? I think you pretty much answered all of my questions, just through telling your story. I just want to thank you for having me. Thank you for reaching out. And thank you for understanding that everyone ages. And this is one of the things I was on set doing… I do a lot of beauty shoots. You see a lot of young women sitting on their computers. Because when you're shooting, everything is almost finished before they even leave the situation that day. It's already in the can. It's already done. So I always want to say now, and I thank you for this, is that they have to know. Young women have to know that eventually they are going to get older. What are you doing now to prepare the world for you getting older? Hm… Because if we just sit on it… It's like that Estée Lauder job. You are going to tell me that now, this is what I do? This is who I am? I don't do anything. I'm just… Worn. Useless. Like I just did a job for Macy's. And they had me in these clothes… I mean, I've worn the best clothes in the world, by the best designers in the world. And they had me in this… I'm telling you, I'm not complaining, but I couldn't understand it. A top, a sweater, and some pants. None of it looked like it went together! And I said, “I'm really having a hard time. Who is this woman?” Cause how can I do the job if I don't know who I am? Yeah. They said, “Oh, well, she's retired. And she's gardening.” And I'm thinking, “Okay, that's gonna stretch me a lot, because I'm not retired. And I don't garden.” But that's who they're saying that we are. How old are you? Can you say? Yeah, I'm actually 31. So you're young! I love you! I'm talking to YOU! You have to set the stage. By the time you're my age… I am… (does math) years older than you. Okay? So… Do the math. By the time you're my age, the world should look differently for you! I mean, I sure hope so. No, you're doing the work! Keep doing the work. Just keep doing the work! Women… We can do anything! We can last longer than… We can live to be one-hundred-twenty years old! Still doing stuff! But if we allow them to retire us… Then that's it. You know, all those women that forged the way for you, and me? They will not be happy… The right to vote! You know how hard that was to get? I'm not talking about for black people, I'm talking about for women, back in the day! I mean, I don't! I cannot even fathom… But they did that, so that you can make sure that all of those rights are not taken away. You know, the right to be alive? You're gonna tell me that I'm retired? And I am shooting this thing to tell women that… This is all that's left? But I told them, “You owe me one! I want the beautiful clothes next time!” Yeah! I love that! You know, so that's the whole thing. Keep going, girl. I'm proud of you. Thank you. I'm proud of you. And I thank you for having me, and giving me the chance to tell my story, and just… Keep uplifting everybody. Not just women, but just… Everybody. Everyone. Okay? Yeah. So where can people find you? I know your social media is @cocomitchell3? Yes. Any other websites or links you want me to leave in the episode? Not really… No. That's enough. I put a lot of stuff on Instagram. Only because I realized at one point… I didn't know how important it was, until I would do a job, and I'd see a picture hanging up. And I'm like, “Where'd you get that picture?” They said, “From Instagram.” And I'm like, “Oh, wow! This is an important platform!” So Instagram is good enough. Cool. All right, well thank you so much! I'm looking forward to transcribing this! I'll talk with you soon! Just let me know how everything works. Just send me a text every now and then, “Coco, hi!” Yeah, sounds good. Yeah, so every now and then, just shoot me a text, “Hey Coco, when are you coming to New Orleans?” Yeah, that's where I am! Okay, I'll talk to you soon! Okay, thank you! Bye! Thank you! Bye!

Welcome to the Wise Not Withered podcast! This is Season 4, Episode 4. This month's guest is Dr. Rosie Kuhn. She is the founder of The Paradigm Shifts Coaching Group, a boutique coaching company which focuses on personal and spiritual development in oneself, in relationships, and in the workplace. She is considered a preeminent thought leader in the field of transformation. She is the author of many books, including Aging Like a Guru - Who Me, and I've Arrived! Well, Sort Of… Her books can be found on Amazon. She has been training individuals to become Transformational Coaches since 2001. If you are interested in speaking to Dr. Rosie about coaching or training with her, you can email her at rosie@theparadigmshifts.com. She has a few of her own Podcasts, including Spiritual Immersion - Taking the Plunge, and Aging Like a Guru - Who Me? She can also be found on YouTube - Dr. Rosie Kuhn, and her website is theparadigmshifts.com.   All right! So let's just get right into it. So how old are you? I am 71, just turned 71 years old. Amazing, great! Yeah, how would you describe the work that you do? Well, I would start off by saying I'm a transformational coach, and then I would add that my coaching includes what I would call the transpersonal, the spiritual, the whole person. And I would include that I was a marriage and family therapist, worked in recovery for a while, so I have forty years of experience in supporting and empowering… Myself, and other people, to really get to know who they are as a whole person. Not just physical, 3-D, “this is what I'm supposed to think”, consensus view of reality-person. So that's where I would start! Yeah! And I have noticed that you mention on both of your Podcasts—or I don't know if you have more than two—the consensus reality. Can you talk a little bit more about that? So it's what we see around us, what we think is true, when we're not questioning reality in a sense. We're going, “Oh yeah, that's what I'm supposed to be doing.” “Oh that's what I should be doing.” You know… “As a female gender, here's how I'm supposed to dress. Here's I'm supposed to think. Here's how I'm supposed to be around men, or other women.” So, all of that is just automatic… It's based on the data that has been filtered to us, through us, throughout history, and then we're left with what this is. And so we're here in this reality. And then we can go, “Wait a second, this doesn't fit me. This doesn't feel right to me.” I don't know about you, but I know a lot of people, including myself, who was like “I don't belong here. I don't know why… I should try harder. I should fix myself. Something is wrong.” As opposed to going… There's what we think we should be, and do. And then there's who we are, as an essential, divine, natural expression of who we are, just as a being. And I love more and more, I see this on Netflix, I love watching Queer Eye. Jonathan Van Ness is somebody that I have learned so much, in terms of, “Who are you in there?” He is just the expression of him. He doesn't have… All the learning and growing and challenges he's been through. If you don't know, Jonathan Van Ness, he's with Queer Eye. As a non-binary person and as a spokesperson for that, it's really helped me grow my capacity to accept people for who they are. And there is no normal, basically. There's no normal. There's what we think is normal, and then there's who we are in our natural, essential expression of self. Mhm. Yeah. So what started you on that questioning path? The path of questioning the consensus reality. I feel like we each have very specific things that trigger that, like, “Oh! Wait, whoa! I've been living on autopilot and not really questioning anything.” So what was that for you? What flipped that mindset? I would say it started when I was… I'll say eleven or twelve. I was raised in Catholic Church. And I started going, “Wait a second, that doesn't fit…”  Whatever it is, a particular dogma or whatever, it was a sin… It was a sin to eat meat on Fridays. So I'm 70, I grew up in the 50's and 60's. In the 50's, it was a sin to eat meat on Fridays, okay. And then, it becomes, well, it's not a sin. It's like, wait a minute. How can something be a sin, and now it's not? Because somebody says? Or questioning heaven and hell, questioning that I have to talk to a priest about my sins? Why can't I just talk to God directly? That started me on that perspective of, wait a second, I don't understand this. And younger than that, I just had to suppress my questioning. You're not allowed to question. And I wasn't allowed to question my parents. That's part of that consensus reality. The culture I was in. There's no questioning authority. And then it was like, wait a second, I have these thinkings, I have these thoughts… And most people grow up, to whatever degree, losing the ability to know what they think, feel, need, and want. Because we're not supposed to. You know… Juliana, tell me what you want me to tell you, tell me what you want to talk about today, tell me how I'm supposed to show up… Those kinds of things. As opposed to going hey, just be you. Just be you… So that was the beginning, I would say, was that questioning of that reality. And it was very scary, because it's like, well I might go to hell! Certainly, when I came out to my parents that I was not gonna be following Catholic Church anymore, they were furious, right. They were just furious with me. When was that? How old were you? I was seventeen at that point. Okay, so it was about like five or six years of you just kinda like, “Whoa, what's going on?” Right. Just trying to fit in, trying to be a good Catholic. Trying to go well, how can I change my orientation so I fit into this picture? And the point is, it's not the Catholic Church. The point is that programming, and the patterning and the training that is so automatic. It's not like there's anything wrong. It's just programming and patterning, and part of the data. It's like our computers, all this data is coming into our system constantly. And fortunately we have some virus protectors that can take out those bugs. But in terms of our human experience… I'm gonna use the word infiltrate. That's the energy. The energy of all-ness. The energy of all-ness is the universal energy that is, which includes all the past, and all the future, and all those kinds of things. So it really is a training, in a sense, to say wait a second, I have to put a pin in this moment, and go stop. Stop! So I can be me in this moment, as opposed to be trying to be, trying to fix, trying to heal, trying to get over… All the trying. And to stop, and go wait a second, who am I? Who am I? What's really true here? And I'm grateful to be on the planet for seventy years. And it still, Juliana, I go, oh my god. I don't feel seventy on the inside. I feel like I'm thirty-nine, really. So when I say I'm seventy, people go “Oh, she's old.” But it's like, when you look at “old people”, they're not old inside. They're not old inside. It's part of another thing to get over, that training. So I hope that answers your question. That was the beginning of questioning reality, questioning everything. Mhm! Yeah, and so you do transformational coaching now. You said you were an MFT. What other careers have you held throughout your life? Well, I got my Masters in marriage and family when I was twenty-nine. I was married, had two children. And at twenty-nine, thirty, I was getting my degree. I lived in Nova Scotia, I lived in Ontario, I grew up in Michigan. Lots of stuff. Lots of adventures. I moved out to Nova Scotia, and got a job, found a job with what used to be called the Nova Scotia Commission on Drug Dependency. And so I got a job in a very small, little community in Liverpool, in Nova Scotia, being the clinical therapist, working with people who were in recovery. I was working with people who had at least gone through some detoxing and were in a process of getting their life together. They were on the path. And in that I realized that therapy does not prepare you to talk to people about their spiritual issues. It does not. In a sense, most therapeutic… Especially with MFTs, we were not under the psychology boards, so we weren't having to know and work under the DSM, which is Diagnostic Statistical Manual and mental health perspective. We saw people as people and part of the system and wholeness and, “How did you learn to be you?” But even in that, I wasn't prepared, and I don't think most psychologists are prepared to talk about we are beyond that 3D consensus reality, “Here's who you are. Here's who you're supposed to be.” And I would say generally speaking, there's a norm that most therapeutic processes are trying to get people to come into, that they could be “normal”. We want to be normal! And I would say that's true for me too. And it may not be the same but I still see that focus on trying to get people “normal”. And there isn't a normal. So that's one of the things I find wonderful about transpersonal psychology, or the transpersonal, more integrative approach of the whole person. We're looking at, “Who are you?” In fact, I don't know how old you are, Juliana, but you have this podcast called… Wisdom… Tell me what your podcast is called? It's called Wise Not Withered! Wise Not Withered! So I'm expecting to talk to somebody who's sixty years old, right! You're not sixty! So my expectation is, “You can't be doing this! You're too young!” Right. So those interpretations are inaccurate. It's inaccurate. So when we're trying to be or do, based on somebody else's perspective, that's where we start to get dis-ease. We'll call it that. Dis-ease. I got to a point where it was like wait a second. I want to grow my capacity to work with people in their spiritual issues. Because, this is the point, twelve-step programs bring in the relationship with something greater than. Higher power. Something where you can let go of your own sense of will, and let go and let God, basically. And because I wasn't trained to do that, I got it as I was working in recovery issues with people. It was like, I want more training in that. I want to know more! So lots of things… I went sailing for two years, on a ninety-three foot skinner, across the Atlantic Ocean. I have a book called The Unholy Path of a Reluctant Adventurer. I talk about all this stuff, like how did I come to make the choices I made? How did I end up here? How did I end up in California in this program? How did I end up on this island I live on? Orcas Island, in Washington. The point is that I found a school in California, which was the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, now called Sofia University. And there I studied, and specialized in Spiritual Guidance. And this was before I knew about coaching. And Spiritual Guidance was a great opportunity to see a different perspective than therapy. And even though the school was transpersonal, and “woo-woo” from so many perspectives… Within the therapeutic dynamics, they were diagnostic, and… Basically “you're doing it wrong” or “you need help.” Yeah, very… Categories… Exactly. As opposed to spiritual guidance, which is, “Hey, you're good. You're whole.” And… What's going on for you? Where are your challenges? Where are you struggling? So that was really wonderful for me. And then I met a person, his name is Hans Phillips, and he is in Santa Cruz. And he trains people to be coaches. And his perspective and orientation was so in alignment. It just lights me up! Here, I studied as a therapist, systems family therapy. Then studied spirituality, and spiritual guidance. And then finding this vehicle—coaching as a vehicle, for supporting and empowering people to go from “Here's where I'm at, and here's where I want to go.” That's my progress. Twenty years ago, I was a coach, and with all of the practice and the training and the work that I've done… I started a training program and transformational coaching in 2001, and I still do that. But my focus is on… When I talk to people, I bring out my little magic wand. And I say to people, “Here you are now, talking to me. And I'm your fairy godmother. Imagine me as your fairy godmother.” And in this moment—people can't see us, right—you had a response as soon as I brought out my fairy godmother wand. You went “Oh!!” And you lit up, and you got very excited. It's like “Okay, my fairy godmother is here! Something great is gonna happen!” Right? (Laughs) Yeah! And you had a paradigm shift. And my company's name is The Paradigm Shifts Coaching Group. Because what's required in this work, in transformational coaching, is that people know about this other paradigm, like, “Oh goody! My wish is going to come true!” Yeah! I love that! So when I talk to people—they call me, they've been referred to me, so-and-so said you're really good, or I saw you at your website and thought I'd call—and I go “Great, what do you want?” And they go, “Well, I'd kinda like to have more money, and I'd kinda like to have a better relationship…” This “kinda like to have”, okay. And then I pull out my magic wand, and they go “oh!” And I go, “What is it you really want??” And they light up, and they say, “What I want is I want to live on a beach in Hawaii. I want to work with kids with disabilities. I want to write. I love…” They just get so animated with their own knowing. Their own knowing. This is not something I'm making up. Just like you, you did it! You lit up! That's my coaching. That's the transformation. That's where we're going. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does. That's so interesting, just that visual. When did you start using that little wand? (Laughs) A very long time ago! (Laughs) Fifteen years… Whatever. That's great. I love that so much. But you know, a lot of times, talking to people, I don't have this. This is just… You can go on Amazon and search for “magic wands” and this acrylic thing with sparkles will come up. But sometimes I'll just pull out my pen, and I go, “I've got my magic wand in my hand!” And they go, “Okay! I'm ready!” And the point of it is not that… In transformational coaching, a lot of people are calling themselves transformational coaches. And what we think that we means is, “Okay, she's gonna make my wish come true. And I'm not gonna have to work at it.” But the point of this is, when I say, “I'm your fairy godmother. And my job is to empower you to empower yourself to make your dream come true. It's not about me, it's about you.” Now we see the exuberance, we see the passion. And people go, “Yeah but that's impossible.” And it's like, “Stop! Don't go there yet! Just tell me what you want!” And this is one of the biggest challenges humans beings have, or most people. They're not allowed to know what they want. Like what I said earlier. People say, “I don't know what I want. I don't know what I need. I don't know what I think. I don't know what I feel.” So as a transformational coach, my job is to bring the space, be a presence. Bring about this space where you could go, “What is you want?” And the client says, “I saw a doll in the window fourteen years ago. I love that doll.” “Do you want that doll?” “Yeah!” “Okay, great. How do you want to get it?” We describe and explore the possibilities, versus, “No, I can't have it.” “I'm not allowed.” Or “That's really stupid because I'm 38 years old.” Or I'm 70! Whatever that is, right. “No, I can't.” But you can. You can! So that's the fun part of my job. Even though on the one hand, I call myself a fairy godmother, on the other hand, I call myself a “thinking partner”. Mhm! Yeah! I'm listening for how you think. “Yes, I really want that doll in the window.” I'm just making up things that are really absurd. People want things, and they judge it. But if we're just playing here on this phone call, and you go, “Yeah I really want that doll.” And I go, “Great!” And you go, “No…” It's like, what just happened? I'm pointing my finger. What just happened? Something just happened. You had this exuberance and excitement, and then you just deflated yourself—just like that. What happened!? So as a thinking partner, I catch those moments. I was talking to somebody the other day. And she was like, “In this moment, this is what I really want.” And I go, “Great!” And without a breath, she went to “Yes, but”. Yes, but I can't. And it's like, wow, what just happened? And I go, “What do you mean? Let's go back to, ‘Here's what I want.' And put a period at the end of that.” And it's work to get people to do that. The “yes, but” and “if only” comes so quickly. They can't even see it. And that's why having a thinking partner is so important for people. To go, “Wait, stop. You loved what you were talking about, and now you're deflated. What happened!?” Yeah. And they go, “Oh man!” And they start to see their patterns of “I can't have what I want.” Or “I'm not worthy.” Or “I'm wrong.” Or “I'm bad.” Or those kinds of patterns of dismissing, disrespecting, disregarding our own knowing. Truly. So, I'm giving you very long answers. (Laughs) (Laughs) This is great! I love this! I'm on a roll! Yeah, I love that “thinking partner”. It seems more like a guide to help people through their own limitations. That's what I'm hearing. That's right. And I wrote an article, I think if you look it up on google or something. Five Reasons I Don't Tell People What To Do. I don't tell people what to do, because 99% of the time, they don't do what I tell them to do. And so you might say, why's that? Do I have bad advice? No, people don't want to do what they're told to do. That's just a matter of fact. They go, “Please tell me!” And I tell them, or other people… But if everybody did what they were told to do, we'd have, supposedly, a very peaceful, loving, great world. But we don't. Because we have resistance. And it's really interesting and it's really important to say, “Okay, so what's the resistance?” Without judgement. We go, “Oh, I'm not doing my homework. You told me to do this and I'm not doing it. And that makes me a bad person, and I shouldn't be coaching…” And it's like, no that's not it. That's not it. It's that we have this perspective, this data. We have this consensus reality, that we started this conversation with. We have this influence that we've been swimming in, and breathing, and doing, and watching… FaceTime, Facebook, Instagram—that's all consensus view of reality. If you want to stop—I mean, I'm saying that, but you're on podcasts, and I'm on podcasts, YouTube and stuff. But I'm very clear about, hey, if you want to shift your orientation, and have a better life, if you will, or the life that you want, you gotta stop doing stuff that's part of that normal, consensus reality. Watching news, stop doing that. The things that feel negative, or the people you feel negative around. Like gosh, I just feel yucky when I'm around that person. Stop being around that person! That kind of thing. But they go, “No, that's my mother. I can't.” Or whatever stuff shows up. “That's my best friend.” Like, okay. So this point is, why I don't tell people what to do. So as a coach, I ask questions. If I do, I say, “Juliana, here's what I would do. I would go to the store and I would buy that doll. Tell me what shows up for you when I say that.” And that gives you the opportunity to express your truth. And if you go, “That's a good idea, Rosie, I think I'll do that.” I'll go, “Stop. Tell me what's going on inside of you.” Cause you might go yeah, that's a good idea, but it doesn't tell me what's going on for you. Does that make sense? Yeah. So this thinking partner thing is really important. So many coaches, we all want to be smart, we all want to be great so that you'll come back. And so many of us are like, all about the money. So I want to make sure you come back, so I keep you dependent on me. But if I say hey, this is about you. I'm in service to you. If I do my job, you'll tell other people about me. I'm not gonna worry. And my job is empower you to know the difference of who you are inside, versus what isn't, the fear-based stuff. And go, “Yeah, I want this! I love this!” So that you know that. That's my job. I want people to fire me, in a sense. I want people to outgrow me, that's the whole point. Right, yeah. And you're gonna say, “Hey, John. You gotta talk to Rosie. Cause she's great!” Not because you're dependent on me, but because you became independent. And individuated. You came to know your own truth. And you love it, and you're excited, and want to explore and experiment. And is it scary? Yes. Is it hard work? Yes. And, it's really about you, and individuating yourself. People say, I want to be sovereign. Okay, great, and be the fullest version of yourself. Yeah. I love that. Amazing. So obviously you have so much experience. How has your coaching changed over time? Since it's been so many years at this point. I… It almost brings me to tears to think about that. I had no idea that we as human beings could grow and expand ourselves to such a degree. So for me personally, that's true. I thought about this before, when I got my B.A. in Psychology, got my Masters. It's like, how much can you know? Here's the books, here's the theory. Okay great, that's the practice. Go do your math, go do your multiplication tables. And that's it. And then you go, wait a second. Now there's fractions, and now there's C minus this plus that multiplied by… But we don't even know that exists when we're doing just multiplication tables. And it's the same with becoming a therapist or coach. And it's really a matter of, what's your spectrum? What is it you're wanting? And because I continue to be curious about who is in here, inside me, I'm curious about what the fullest potential is of this being—me—then I keep growing that capacity of knowing. As I do that with myself, I have greater capacity to bring that to you, with less judgement. Less judgement of “You're doing it wrong, Juliana! You gotta do it my way!” It's like, all that stuff just goes away. Yeah, no. If you're not ready, you're not ready. And I say that a lot to people. Cause you're supposed to be “ready” and if you're not ready, I'd better help you get ready. Or I gotta do something different so you'll be ready, cause if you're not ready, then you're gonna quit and I won't get paid. That kind of thing. All that stuff… As opposed to, “Where are you?” And you go, “Hey, I'm not ready.” It's like, “Okay, great.” One of the things I talk about a lot is that we have these conflicting commitments. So you as a potential client come in and go, “Hey, I want… This.” Shiny, wonderful life. And I go, “Excellent. I'm so excited for you!” All of that. And then six weeks down the road, you're not that much closer. You go, “What's going on here??” Well, there's a dilemma, because there's part of you that—none of know how to be in our fullest potential. You don't know how to do that, I don't know how to do that. I've never been there. We don't know how to do that. People want transformation, they don't know how to be that. You take a caterpillar and plink! You make it into a butterfly. It has no idea what it's doing, right. So we have this dilemma, like “I want what I want. But I'm afraid to let go of what I know.” So every single human being—and I say this to every single person I'm coaching, and every person I'm training to be a coach. There's a conflicting commitment. I say I want this, and I'm also committed to not getting vulnerable. And so the work of a coach is to support people to be in that dilemma, and that choice point, and explore, what's that like for you? I want this so much, and yet I'm so afraid, right? Yeah. That's every human being's dilemma. That's what I'm doing with people, supporting them in being able to slowly, slowly, slowly, make incremental… This is not about leaps of faith, quantum leaps. This is about incremental shifts and changes. People go “I don't know who I am without—” I had a client the other day say “I don't know to be with the unknown.” That was her thing. This is what 90% of human beings are up to. Cause they're afraid of the unknown. I want this but I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to be me in this greatness. It's like, “Well, when you got up this morning and you looked in the mirror and you smiled, how was that?” It's like, “Oh! Yeah! I had that moment.” And it's like, “When you looked out the window, did you know what you were gonna look at?” “No.” “What was that like?” “It was good!” “Did you know which tree your dog was gonna pee on outside?” “Nope, didn't know that.” “How was that for you?” “Well, I was fine with it.” Being able to go, “Wow. Every moment is a moment that I'm in the unknown.” It's a revelation. It's a revelation! “Oh my god, I'm doing it all the time! …But—” Then we squeeze up again. We go yes, but. It's those little incremental places that a thinking partner, or a coach, a fairy godmother, whatever you want to call a person who says, “Look, you're doing it now!” Like, “Yeah but I can't do it over here.” It's like, “Okay, good to know. But you're doing it.” And you allow yourself to be available to, “Wow, I'm already doing this. If I can do this here, then I can learn to do it over there.” If I can learn to be okay with the unfolding… We have a lot of wind today, I could be all in a panic. Oh my god, 40-mile an hour wind…! It's like no, I'm okay with that. I've learned to be okay with that. We can learn to grow our capacity to be okay with the unknown anywhere and everywhere if our desire is great enough. I want it enough. I have fourteen… Fifteen or sixteen books, somewhere in that vicinity, what I've written. First book was Self-Empowerment 101. And I talk about that commitment, or being committed enough. Just enough, so that you can consider the possibility of, IT. As opposed to the resistance, the “yes but” that comes in so quickly. But if we want something enough, then we're willing to allow one incremental step closer… And a good example of this is, one of the most important practices for change, for transformation, is noticing. So this client is, I want her to become aware of her judgements, righteousness. I go, “Okay, I want you to notice every time you're judgmental about something.” And it took her six days. So the sixth day, the day before our session, boom! She started seeing her judgements. So there was something she wanted enough, that all of a sudden, it allowed her to notice. And then she'd notice something else. And then she'd notice something else. And she was like, “Wow, it's all over the place!” We can't change what we don't notice. We can't change what we can't see. And so a lot of effective coaching is getting you to see. Not just, “Do you see it, Juliana?” You go, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I see it.” It's not that. It's like, “Oh my gosh, I can't believe how prevalent this is, and how it's making me exhausted. I don't want to be exhausted anymore, judging and being righteous, telling other people how they should be better. I'm tired of it.” “Okay, great. What can you practice?” “I could practice saying ‘stop' to that. I have to notice it first. If I don't notice it, I can't change it. So I gotta notice it. And then make choices based on that.” So that's based on that conflicting commitment, that I want what I want, but I don't want to lose my security and safety. I don't want it to be hard. I don't want it to hurt. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to feel my feelings. Like okay, great. Okay. Great! (Laughs) Juliana, what's showing up for you as you're listening to me? I love the look on your face. (Laughs) I'm just taking it all in. I feel like I've heard a lot of these concepts over the years… I started my own, I guess spiritual path, about five or six years ago. And yeah, it really is noticing that is the starting point. Noticing the patterns, and all the resistance that shows up, too. It's all resonating a lot with me. I love all of the things you're saying! (Laughs) Sounds great. I'm curious for you, did you or do you still, receive coaching yourself? Yep! So if you're willing to share, what are some of your own limitations that you have confronted and changed over time? It's an ongoing… There's a book that I love, and I've been using as one of my bibles, it's called Oneness. A person named Rasha transcribed… She downloaded this book, so it's a channeled text… And… So I read that all the time. And why am I telling you this? (Laughs) I was curious about your own limitations that you've confronted. Right. So the reason I mention this book is because one of the things it says, among many thousands of things that just keep reiterating, is that this is a life. This is a process of life-themed resolution. So our time on Earth… So our time on Earth. It's like going to college. Here's the curriculum I'm taking. I'm taking bio-chemical engineering. That's a very specific path. Now, if you're taking an art class, that's not in the same genre as a bio-medical engineer. So we're here to have a very specific life theme resolution process, that we're here to grow ourselves through. So we cycle back over and over and over again to these themes, that people go, “Oh, I've already done that. I've already dealt with that. I've done that work with a therapist over here. I don't need to do that now.” Right. But it's showing up. So I say that because what shows up for me continually is… And you've heard this a thousand times, I'm holding my face like oh my god, we're so tired of this conversation. But this place of self-acknowledgement, self-appreciation, self-trust, self-safety—that I'm safe with myself. And then that comes into a place of self-reverence, and inevitably self-love. And I think that's true for me, and I really see that most of what I'm going through is universal. This is what shows up for everyone. What's the degree that you feel safe with yourself? What's the degree that you go, “I'm wrong/bad/unworthy. I'm a mistake.” What's the degree that you do that? And it's like, the more that we can go “Oh, I'm still doing that unworthy/mistake thing. I gotta work at that.” That's all I'm doing, at greater and greater degrees of awareness. It's the same things, just different… Money issues are always big for people. But money isn't about money—it's about worth and value, and trust and believing. So a lot of people will say “Hey, I really believe that the universe is abundant and it's here for everybody.” And I go, “Okay, great. So how are you living into that?” “Oh, I don't. I'm afraid.” Right? “I'm staying in a job I don't like because I'm afraid.” “But you told me you believe the universe is abundant and is there for you.” “Yeah, I know I say that but—” And 99% of us have these very wonderful, true knowing in the abundance of the universe, but we're afraid to actually take the leap and have faith in that practice, living in the truth of that. We take our faith and we put it in the consensus reality of work, and bosses, and having to work at a job you're not happy at. That's where we put our faith. If I do this long enough, I'm gonna be okay. So for me, I just keep reiterating what are my issues are basically everybody's issues, and whatever circumstance comes up in the moment, that is my moment—I call it a pop quiz—of “Oh! That's challenging! Eek!” Or, you know, a friend of mine who's UGH, she drives me crazy. It's not about her! It's my stuff, and how am I righteous or judging her? And so even though I work with a coach, so much of it I could do myself, cause I can. And I trust that I know the difference between a feeling of my essential nature, where I'm fulfilling, and happy and joyful, or at least contented, versus when I'm in angst, and fearful. And I go, “Wait, you're not in the serenity place. What's going on?” It's like, “Yeah no, I don't want to talk about that. Let's go watch some Netflix.” There's something here going on for you… And sometimes I have to be in the discomfort of it until it comes up. So all of these things that I do for myself, I work with my clients to do for themselves, so they're not dependent on me inevitably. They're dependent on themselves because they've integrated my questioning. They've integrated that voice of, “What would Rosie say?” Right. It's always challenging to move myself into the more expanded self. Well, if I believe in abundance, where is it? Where the hell is it!? I live in a little travel trailer. It's 350 square feet. I have ten acres of land on this beautiful island, and my fortune doesn't allow me to build a house. It allows me to live here peacefully, and enjoy what I have. And it would be nice to have a greater abundance of… Financial… Whatever. And, “Why don't you have it, Rosie??” It's like… My curriculum, my life theme resolution issue is still working itself out. And maybe financial abundance—in my estimation of what that should be—isn't here. It's not here yet, the way I want it. But that doesn't mean I'm doing something wrong, or that I'm bad… This is part of that thing, “Stop doing that!” Stop doing that. “There must be something wrong with me if I don't have what I want.” It's one of the things I love in Oneness, it says, “Your highest vibrational results are always forthcoming.” So this is the nature of us as vibrational beings. If we're in density—most fear-based perspectives are very dense. Consensus reality is very dense—fear, fear, fear. Our highest vibrational results are always forthcoming. And I go, “Okay, if they're not coming, then I've got some work to do.” It makes sense for me. Rather than going, “Oh no, there's something wrong.” No, I've got some growing to do. And people go, “Oh my god, it just takes so much… You're 70 years old and you're still doing this!?” We're doing this for eternity. We are eternal beings, growing ourselves every moment of this eternal, brilliant life. We never stop. It's always, Juliana, always a matter of reminding myself of that. Reminding myself that my life is really beautiful. And I get to talk to you, and I get to be part of something really great. And that's pretty awesome. Yeah, I love that. I'm hearing this really delicate balance of accepting where you are, and also… Loving yourself into improvement. Yeah, and this book I mentioned earlier… She, like most of us, think we need to keep working on ourselves. And the message to her is, stop working on yourself. Stop believing that you need to do something about who you are. And the challenge with that—the addiction is to the movement and to the activity, but also to the cortisol and adrenaline. The hormones… Busy, busy, busy. But when we stop, we start to feel uncomfortable, because we're now gonna go through a withdrawal process. Hm! Oh, wow, yeah… This is where the addiction and recovery process comes in, in this work. That alcoholic, or work-a-holic, or drug addict. That's obvious. But we're talking about these elements, these systems within ourselves, these patterns of being that have been with us for so long we don't even know they exist. That going-going-going, trying-trying-trying, bettering myself all the time, is one of those life theme resolutions. Where does that come from? “I'm not okay if I'm just sitting here, doing nothing.” Hm… Wow. But I am okay. We're all divine beings, here. As opposed to, what is it. Jesus is coming, look busy. It's like yeah, no. No! And so she's struggling with even the consideration… We're not talking about, she's doing nothing, as in recovery or withdrawal. She's considering… Again, this is that dilemma. I want fulfillment in my human spirit. But it's too scary. Like… Okay! So my work as a transformational coach, as a thinking partner, a fairy godmother, is to support people, go “Yeah, I totally get it. Been there, done that. Many, many, many times.” Good sponsor in any 12-step program is gonna say, “I know what that's like.” To be in resistance. I know what it's like to be terrified and choose something different. I know what that's like. And it's because I've done my own personal work and gotten to the point where I have, that I can say that, and truly mean it. And not from a place of arrogance, and “Let me tell you how to do it.” It's like, I totally get it. It's what we call a big, fat, BE WITH. Right. (Laughs) It sucks!! Yup. It sucks. I don't know what to do. Yup. Totally get it. Well, tell me what to do! Yeah no, what's that gonna do? Yeah well— You know, those kinds of yeah, yeah… Those things that we're all IN. I think I'll turn on Netflix, and have some ice cream. Yeah. (Laughs) Lemme just take a break here. Which is a good thing too! But we're always in that place of… Incremental, slow… There's no hurry. You'll get it this time. You'll get it next time. There's no mistakes. Like if I didn't fix it this time, I'll fix it next time. It just doesn't matter. It gets to a point where it doesn't matter. Not to be flippant, but just in terms of, be who you are now, and what's that like for you, and really see this as a precious… Come to experience yourself as precious. That really, truly, slowly evolving into… Exploring, experiencing the preciousness of your being. That's the point. Yeah. And our curriculum, life theme resolution process. Right. Yeah. Wow. Where to go from here… Let's see, I do have a list of questions. We've already hit a lot of them just from what you've already been talking about. I am curious, when did you start to become a coach for other coaches? At what point did you feel qualified to train other people to do the work that you do? It came really naturally, and because I've been twenty years in the therapeutic, spiritual guidance kind of area, then it wasn't hard or difficult to slide that into teaching and training. And Hans, who was my trainer, he actually asked me to do a training program. So that was our gateway into doing that. We were able to train at this really great school. I did that for ten years. I did it with him for a year, then took it on. But I had such a capacity. This is one of those things… “How did you do that??” I had this capacity to teach, and integrate all of this information from the therapeutic process, spiritual stuff, coaching… Put it all together from my own orientation, my own way of seeing the world. And I loved it. It made me really happy! And obviously it made other people happy, cause it was a really successful program. That was a transition that was very easy, cause I already love teaching. And I was able to integrate all of what I'd learned—I almost want to say magically. It was just cause I'd worked so hard. This was that magic tipping point, coalition of everything in one place. Bada-bing-bada-boom, it happened! Yeah, okay. I'm curious, in one of your Podcasts, you said that you're pretty reclusive and don't let a lot of people into your life. I resonate with that—I feel like I also am the same way, yet simultaneously I feel like we both share a lot in the Podcasts that we do. How do you explain that? (Laughs) So I'm pretty much an introvert. So I get a lot of my refueling by being alone. And I love conversations like this. These fuel me. But then, I don't have anything else specific to do today. So I'll go take a nap, or have lunch, or do other things that need to get done. But if I'm in a social environment, or where there's a lot of people, my energy gets depleted really quickly. Okay, that makes sense. So that's one thing. But also, I think it's important, the idea of highly sensitive people. As a highly sensitive person, we could get fatigued very quickly by being around people, or being around environments like shopping malls for instance, or particular restaurants. And when we realize that, we become more conscious of how we take care of ourselves. And go, “No, not gonna go.” I live on an island, so there's no malls. But even in particular shops or whatever, it's like, “No, not going in there.” It diffuses and diminishes my energy, in a way that's not fun. So partly it's that too. So when I'm with people, I'm with people more consciously, and of choice. As opposed to going, “Yeah, I'm supposed to.” Or “I should.” A friend asked me to a concert last weekend, and I went… Oh god… Do I really want to go? And I felt into it. And it's like, I'm gonna go! But a lot of times, I can feel… It's always the balancing. My point is that I am a highly sensitive person. I'm not saying that as a diagnosis. Before I even took the online quiz, it's like, yeah I'm pretty sensitive to things. And so my work is really important to me, so my friends, I keep quiet friends, because I want my energy to be full for my clients. And for my life. And I have to be aware of that. I have be conscious of that. And make conscious choices based on that. Yeah. So I hope that answers your question. Yeah, it definitely does. I resonate a lot with that too. I also… I didn't know there was a quiz, but when I first read about HSP, I was like, “Wow, that's totally me!” That all resonates with me too, like being very sensitive to how other people are feeling without them really needing to express it, and taking on other people's energy before I learned about energetic boundaries… All of that stuff! Yeah, you can google highly sensitive people, and the quizzes pop up. The questionnaire, whatever it is. Most people already know, that's why they go, “Oh, I'm gonna take this just for fun. What's the degree of highly sensitive person that I am?” Yeah, cool! I think I'll go do that after this. It's another identity thing. “Oh, I am one of those!” I say that kind of facetiously. Cause what we're talking about is disintegrating that identity that I'm anything other than who I am, in this moment. Yeah, just for fun! So you mentioned you've written many books. When did you decide to write a book? And what was that process like? I'm just so curious, it's very fascinating that you have… Had an idea, and wrote about it, and seen it to publication so many times. That's really amazing. Well I grew up with a C- average in high school. I was told that I was… I think my IQ was 95 or something like that. My history teacher told my mom not to have me go to university, cause I'm just not cut out for that. I was so in angst about dysfunctional stuff in my reality. And I had no capacity to even know who I am or what I wanted, other than, “You're supposed to go to college. You're supposed to get married. You're supposed to have kids. You're supposed to, you're supposed to, you're supposed to…” So, bottom line is, I didn't start writing until I was 55. I finished my PhD when I was 50. And I had to write for my PhD. Part of that, I came to awareness, people said, “Wow, that's really good writing in there!” It was like wow… Okay… It's just what I'm doing. I'm not a writer. I'm just doing what I'm supposed to do to finish my PhD. But I got some notice. And people go, “Hey can you join this group?” Cause they were talking about embodied writing, what it feels like in your body when you're having these experiences. I was writing about being on the sailboat and having a transformational experience, and what it was like in the moment of that experience. And they went, “Wow, that's really great! How did you do that? Do more of that!” So that was the first that I started getting some recognition for my writing. When I was 55 and doing this training program, and hadn't written a manual or anything… A friend of mine had written a book in three months. And I said, “Okay you did it in three months. I'm committing to doing it in four months.” This manual for this training program. So that was my commitment. I wrote it in four months. Now that was, in a sense, the first draft—that got written in four months. I loved it! It went through many facets of editing. And I'm self-published. All my books are self-published. And Amazon has this great ability to connect people through Babelcube. Connects people to translators. A lot of my books are translated into French, Italian, Spanish, and some other languages, which is really fun. But it took me four months to write it. It took me another I'll say, almost a year to have the cover done, and all the edits, and everything put together. Probably over a year, okay. But… I did it! I did it. It was great. I'd been writing little blog kind of things, which seemed weird at the time because that was all new. And this fellow contacted me and said, “Hey I've got this website about business. And I'm wondering if you would write blogs for that?” And I go, “What do you want me to write about?” And he said, “Yeah, if you write 25 or 26, you could put them together and make a book!” Like well, geez. That's a really great idea! So the first book I wrote, after Self-Empowerment 101—that was my first book for the training program, it's a really great book for everybody. After he approached me, I wrote a book called The ABC's of Spirituality and Business. I mean, there's 26 letters, so that was easy. And so writing A's about acknowledgement and allowing. B is about… Whatever. K is for kindness. Put it together, and that became a book. So it was six months of writing. Twenty-six weeks. And that became a book, over a year, with editing and cover designs. Then I wrote another set of blogs for him called Dilemmas of Being in Business. Another twenty-five, twenty-six blogs, put it together… Bada-bing-bada-boom. So those were the starts of how I wrote. And then I wrote The Unholy Path of a Reluctant Adventurer. And then I wrote a series of books called… One was called “You Know You're Transforming When…” And that book wrote itself in about three hours. That's just little, one-page quotes. That whole set… Sorry, it's just interesting how they unfolded. The next one was, “If Only My Mother Had Told Me… Or Maybe I Wasn't Listening”. That's the title. It was 101 pearls of wisdom I had to get on my own. But that pretty well wrote itself very quickly. Then the third in that series was called “M.E.” Standing for “miraculous existence”. And these were all, like one-page kind of little thing… That one was based on the fact that I had been a therapist, trained to be a therapist. M.E. is 101 insights I didn't get in therapy. So here's all these things that I didn't get in therapy. And I was a therapist for twenty years, all of that stuff. What didn't I learn, that was really valuable? And the fourth in that series is “I've Arrived… Well Sort Of”. 101 things… Ways that you think you're there. You've got the enlightenment. You've got the aha! You've made it to the top… And it's like, yeah, no, not really. That's about those spiritual awakenings, spiritual insights. Places where we think, oh I've got it now! And it's like oh no, I guess I don't… I've arrived, but not really. So those are just some of the books that I've written. They pretty well write themselves. It's really important as a creative, and this is part of the expression element of who I am. These books are like, tapping me on the shoulder, “Whatever you're doing, stop. You gotta write.” And they just come! They just come. And there's a book I want to write on spiritual immersion, which is the podcast you've perhaps been listening. I want to write a book on that, because people need to read about la la la! It's not coming! It's not coming! I'm trying fourteen different ways, and it's not coming… So, that's… You know, if they don't want to, they don't want to! I will tell you, I'm working on a new course. In essence it's called Mastering The Art of Transformational Coaching. A year-long program that includes the fundamentals of transformational coaching, more advanced, and then spiritual coaching. It's probably about six months out, I think, until that starts. That is really a heart's desire, passion as well. So I think that will include the spiritual immersion elements. But it's something that's actually happening. I'm actually sitting down, and it's happening. I'm saying it that way, as opposed to “I'm doing it.” It's doing me! Interesting! Yeah! And people say, “How do you write a book?” It's like, “Well, how do you make a baby?” The baby will make itself. You just do the first part. Get your computer, get your pencil, or whatever, and it will make itself, if it wants. And if you get out of the way. But if you say, “Well I gotta make a boy baby, and it's gonna have, you know, purple eyes.” That's not gonna happen! Not now, anyway. If you want to write, and there's a creative thing that wants to come through, the way to make room for that is to make room for it. If I had said, “Yeah no, I'm not gonna write, cause I got a C- in high school, you know, AND I had to take remedial English in college. Who am I to write a book?” It's like, the book wanted to get written, and I had to get out of the way, truly. Yeah, I love that. I love to write also, and it's very inspiring hearing you talk about how you wrote your books. Cause I have been thinking like, “Wow, how do I write a book?” It's like, you just do it! (Laughs) People are like, oh here's the BOOK. But when this fellow… I almost remember his name. When he said, “You don't have to write a book. You just write a blog. Twenty-six blogs.” And that's what happened. Aside from the 101 series, that's pretty much what it is. One blog at a time. Aging Like A Guru. That's one blog at a time. Diet Like A Guru. That's one blog at a time. And I wrote Parent Like A Guru. That's one blog at a time. But you put it together, it's a little book! They're not big. They're concise, and available. You do it because, just like anything else, you love it. I love to paint. I'm not selling my paintings. The books are there if people want to buy them. It's awesome. And like I said, they're in different languages. That's awesome. It's fun, right, because you created it. Does it mean I'm gonna be a millionaire, and be on the Best Seller list? No, that's not the point. The point is that it wanted to get written. I wrote it. I honored my agreement. And you send it on its way. Yeah, I love that! You show up! You say, “Hey, I saw you on Daily Om!” I went, “Wow!” Cause that book, that course was written from Self-Empowerment 101. Right, How To Stop Giving Your Power Away. That's right. That's the title that they came up with. I started out with Self-Empowerment 101. They go, “Yeah, that's not gonna sell.” So Daily Om took it, did what they did. And you go, “Oh, who's this person? That sounds interesting!” You call me, and now we're having a conversation, cause I wrote a book I wrote sixteen years ago. You never know! Amazing, I love that. How do you define success? Well. The vision statement that I have, which is what I'll start with, is the fulfillment of the human spirit. So when I have a sense and quality of fulfillment, that for me is success. I would like to have more money coming in—that would be great, that would be fun. And so how do I describe myself without making money an element of success? It can't be, it never was. Or… Let me put it this way. We have a hierarchy of values. And my fear-based value says, “Money! Cause money is gonna give me stability and security!” But when I really look at how I live my life, my choices do not come from money. It comes from my heart, and connecting, and empowering, and supporting, and learning, and expanding myself. Though this may sound crazy, cause it does, cause it sounds woo-woo, but the greater my capacity to be with in alignment with my essential nature, I start to have more ethereal qualities of experience. More enlightened experiences. I go, “Wow! WOW!” Like that kind of experiences are occurring in my life. And that is so much more valuable than money. And then two days later, it's like, “Where's the money?” (Laughs) It's like, “Stop! You had that experience, remember? And you said this is more important…” So we have those dilemmas, I do! Like, money! Eh!! But that's… The greater the degree I know myself, and what is the fullest potential of me? A lot of different people say we are 100% potentiality. If I am 100% potentiality, what does that look like? What's possible? And if I brought myself here, from this dysfunctional kid, Catholic school, radical dysfunction, alcoholic parents, six of nine kids, C-, below-average IQ, and I'm talking here talking to you, with this level of quality of delight in my own being… That's success for me. That's like, oh my god! And my relationship with my daughter continues to grow—that's success. I've become a kinder, more generous human being. That's success. And for me to say those things… I'd say I want that to be, but I was still in the angst of, where's the money? Where's the security, and stability? I don't have a 401K, I don't have a savings account. I don't have those things that you're supposed to have, right. I'm here right now, talking to you, and who knows? Who knows. I don't have those elements of what fame and fortune, or success, looks like. Right. In the consensus reality. Yeah, the consensus reality. Yes, nicely put. Five stars for that one. (Laughs) Thank you. (Laughs) Wow… I guess… What is something you've learned about yourself, just in the past year, if you can articulate one thing? That's a big question. I think that last year I was faced with a lot of… This is where we're doing the life theme resolution piece. I was facing a lot of circumstances that showed me that I was alone, and insignificant, incompetent, basically… That would be my interpretation of the circumstances that were showing up. The trauma… I believe we come in with trauma. That we're not just traumatized in this life, but past-life traumas, or the traumas of our ancestors. We come in with that. That's part of our life theme resolution, is overcoming the trauma, letting go of the fear, so that we can be here now. So I had to face these ongoing… What felt like traumas, what was really my own making up of how horrible, terrible I was… And how incompetent I was… And so little by little, I was able to diminish that energy, and heal that place, so that I could be with stuff that happens without going into a trauma response. Getting triggered into a trauma response… So that's like, that's huge! And I can do it, anybody can do it. Truly. I really believe that. Because I grew up in such a dysfunctional, constrained, constricted orientation in life, I had to do things the way that I was brought up to do them. And here I am, being as best I can, an individual that is individuated, and attempting to know myself to greater degrees… What's my choice? Versus somebody else's choice. I'll give you one more little example. I was sitting on the couch, this was months ago. And it's gray… And I'm 70… And I'm going, “This is as good as it's gonna get. You're living in a trailer, lady. And you probably aren't gonna get married again. So you'd better get used to this. This is it.” It's a decline. As you put it, withering, right… Decline into decrepitude. You'd better just get used to it. And it's like, okay… And I'm starting to go, “Wait, that's that consensus reality!” It just consumes us. You know, 90% of people 70 and older are on medications. It doesn't have to be that way. I'm not on any medication. But it was like, okay this is beginning to consume me. And I had to go, “Stop! We gotta stop! We gotta stop looking at life this way. Because this is not who you are. You know this is not who you are. We have to make that paradigm shift.” And it was a struggle! And uncomfortable. Deep grief that came up. Stuff! Just stuff comes up. That's what happens when you're on a path of life theme resolution, or exploring and wanting, the desires. It takes a lot of work. But if you don't do it, I could have sat on the couch and declined into decrepitude, and gotten sick, more depressed. And uncomfortable, and lonely, and isolated. That's not comfortable either. We're just always in choice. So that was really a wonderful moment, of going, “Wait a second, which reality am I going to choose?” Pull out the magic, fairy godmother wand for myself and say, “Which one are you going to choose here, lady? Cause you're the mouth of empowerment, and enlightenment, and delight, and wonder. You gonna walk your talk, or are you gonna go down the rabbit hole of depression and get sick and die? That's up to you.” And that's up to every one of us to make those kinds of choices.  Wow. Yeah. (Laughs) I'm laughing cause like… That's the kind of work I do! Yeah, that's great! Hell no! Not calling that woman, no way. (Laughs) I love that you did the magic wand thing for yourself. That's amazing. That really shows, the stuff you do for your clients, you do it for yourself, cause it works! That's right. Yeah, and it's tough. With therapy, you can only take your client as far as you're willing to go. If I have fears around… Whatever, doesn't matter, then I'm not gonna be good at supporting people through that fear. If I don't want to go there… If I do go there, and go there for myself, feel the fear, feel the stuff, and the junk. Help the client explore that, “What's that junk? I can see it right there? What is that?” And they go, “What are you talking about?” “That!” And they go, “Oh, that?” And I try to have fun with it. You and I are laughing! It's serious, and it's difficult. But it's also playful and humorous. I go, “What is that?” And I'm smiling and laughing, and they're going, “Oh my god… Why are you… You crazy lady.” And I go, “No really, what is that?” Yeah. Because I know that place. I know it. And I have great, deep compassion, for myself, being in this curriculum, and supporting other people in choosing this curriculum of choosing human spirit stuff. And the fulfillment of the human spirit—huge, HUGE commitment. So I have nothing but respect for a person who calls me and says, “I want to work with you.” I go, “Oh my god, I am honored.” Cause they want to step into their knowing, their full knowing of who they are as a human spirit, a contribution, contributor to the well-being of all of us. Truly. Yeah… Yeah. Wow. That's pretty much all of my questions. Is there anything else you wanted to talk about that we didn't get to, or that I didn't ask? No, I think you did a really great job. Thank you! I was so pleased back to hear back from you so quickly! I was like, “Oh wow! Yay!” I actually had a tab with your website, and I was looking through it and thinking, “Wow, she's done so much!” And there was a part of me that was thinking, “Hmm… I don't know. Maybe she's too important for me to reach out.” And I didn't, for many days! But I thought you know what, I'm just gonna send an email. Worst that could happen: never hear back. I've been rejected before, I can handle it again! (Laughs) And thank you for saying that, because I have a lot of people who call me, or email me for coaching, or training or something, and their thoughts are “Oh, she's too busy” Or “She's too important.” And I go, “Hell no! I want to play!!” I am not too important, I am not too busy to engage with people. Because I love it, and I want to. I do want to offer, there's an organization I'm connected with, it's called suivera.org. And their mission is heart leadership, growing the world and growing communities in the world from the heart. So I'm one of the people that are part of that organization. And on that website, there is something called the Inward Bound Bootcamp for Self-Transformation. And I wrote this, you can find parts of it on YouTube, if you go to my channel, Rosie Kuhn. You can see part of that course. It's $7, I think, for 21 or 22 videos, downloaded PDF book. And it's really about the basics of the self-transformation process. If you want to know about self-transformation from my perspective, this one might be a great beginner course for people. It's called, again, Inward Bound Bootcamp for Self-Transformation. It's $7, I believe. It includes the book, the manual, which if you bought it on Amazon it's $10. So even for $7 you're saving some money, if you're interested! So that's a place to go if you're interested, if your audience is interested! Great! And your website, is it TheParadigmShifts.com? Yep! TheParadigmShifts.com (emphasis on plural). You can google Rosie Kuhn, rosiekuhn@theparadigmshifts.com is my email. Or check out the website. There's lot of free blogs and information, and if you're interested in training with me, give me a call. Right now I'm doing primarily one-on-one coach training. Because it helps people who are already at a level of knowledge, and wisdom, and experience, and they just want to take it into the more pragmatic elements of what I do. So that's what I do. And then there's coaching! Great! You have a YouTube channel as well, you have a couple Podcasts, is there anywhere else? Do you have an Instagram? I'm on Instagram, I'm not that busy… Just we keep up with what's going on. I started a new Podcast with a friend of mine. She has a Podcast called Food Integrity Now. And we joined forces, and our Podcast is called Beyond Food Integrity: Thriving Like A Guru. Her name is Carol Grieve. So Beyond Food Integrity: Thriving Like A Guru that's our new conversation, the two of us together. It's kinda fun! Great! Well thank you so much! This has been wonderful. I'm so glad we got to connect! Me too! And any time you wanna reach out again, or talk again or whatever, just let me know! It would be fun. — The Inward Bound Bootcamp for Self-Transformation can be found at www.suivera.org/b7-inward-bound-bootcamp.

Welcome to the Wise Not Withered Podcast! This month's guest is Javi Martinez, who shares her incredible story about her gaming history, her experience being a trans-feminine, gender-fluid person, her spiritual and shamanic path, including her current work at the International School of Temple Arts, as faculty and event organizer and coordinator. Thank you so much, Javi Martinez, for joining us on the Wise Not Withered podcast! What is your age? Oh shit… Heh, my age is 54. 54, all right. And where did you grow up? Well, the first few years of my life, I grew up in Guatemala. And then we ended up moving to the United States roughly when I was nine or ten years old. Okay, and what brought you here? Just my family moved. My dad was working up here, and we ended up coming up to join him. Okay. And where do you currently live? I live in western Massachusetts, in a town called Amherst. Amherst, okay. How long have you been there? Since I was about ten years old! (laughs) Oh! Oh wow, so you moved to Guatemala… Well, off and on. I've moved to other areas nearby, and then ended up coming back here. Okay, so it's kinda been in that same area since ten years old. Okay, cool. Forty-something years, yeah. Yeah. Great. So I met your partner at a recent retreat. She mentioned that you're an avid gamer. Can you tell us about your gaming history? Well, let's see. I guess it's something that I've always liked. I've always liked playing games. Games have always been an important part of my life, just overall. And then yeah, when I was about nine or ten years old, I started playing tabletop games, like Dungeons & Dragons. And that was one of my favorite things, so I started doing that pretty religiously for a while. Then I also grew up in the time of arcades. There really wasn't home gaming systems. You know, we all had to like, save our quarters and run out to the video game arcade and play video games there. So my friends and I would do that. We would like, not eat lunch at school, and take our lunch money and go play video games after school. Wow! Yeah, so it's just been something I've always enjoyed. Then I got the original Atari, and then you know, kept playing video games at home. You know, as well as other games. And basically, once the Play Station came out, I've just been like, a loyal Play Station person. Yeah. What are some of your… The gems, yeah. The gems are mostly role-playing games. I just… Not having the time, or even the group of friends—we all had time to play tabletop role-playing. Once I wasn't able to do that, my desire and my love of role-playing games transferred over to video games. So I've played games like Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Skyrim. Those are my favorites. The Assassin's Creed Odyssey was really good. I really love that one as well. But yeah, mostly role-playing games are the ones I love. Mhm. Yeah, me too! I tend to gravitate toward those ones. I'm not very good at the shooters or the platforming games. Yeah, so I don't do like MMOs or go online with people. Yeah, for me it's about entering a fantasy world. Tied into that is my love of reading. I grew up reading fantasy books. So it's all woven together. Do you still read those kinds of books, or not as much? Not as much because of time, and other interests. But yeah, the past few months I did go back and re-read a few of my old favorites. So it was really nice to go back and re-read them. What made you decide to go re-read those books? Um… I'm not sure. I just basically have been playing video games a lot, and was getting sort of bored with that, and I was like oh yeah, reading! (laughs) I mean I've been reading other books, like spiritually-themed books. But yeah, I just felt like wow, I haven't done like, pleasure reading in a long time. Just sat down with a fun book and just devoured it. So that felt really good. Yeah, something a little more light. Yeah, exactly. That's pretty cool. So she also mentioned that you're a Guatemalan trans goddess! I love that title. She gives me all kinds of titles! (laughs) Yeah, “She's an avid gamer, trans goddess”, all these very, very fascinating things. Yeah, I'm so curious—the whole transitioning process, like identity, spirituality, social constructs, culture… Whatever you're comfortable sharing, I'm very curious! Well that's really open-ended! Yeah… I guess it's a funny thing. My transition is… I don't know if it's particularly unique, but I think it's different than most other people, because it was very much tied into my spirituality and my shamanic path. Okay. Where to begin… Yeah. Growing up, I didn't remember or know that… I'm like, so feminine and a woman inside. I didn't know I was a woman. I grew up thinking and feeling that I was a boy, and a man. Things like that. I knew I was different. Like I always had a funny sense that I wasn't like all my other friends, like I felt things that they didn't, feel things that they didn't feel, I would think differently… Yeah, I just thought okay, I'm just different. I'm just a weird person. But then when I started my… Really stepped into my spiritual path, and I started doing my shamanic work, like shamanic journeying, and really stepping forward into my shamanic path, I was called into service. One of my Patron Goddesses that has been with me my whole life stepped forward, and was like, okay, I want you to devote yourself to me, whole-heartedly. Like 100% devotion. And one of the rules or stipulations that she put, is that if I am to do this, I have to devote myself 100% and effectively do everything she asked, no right of refusal—which was, you know, pretty intense, to think of like okay, I want to be in devotion, I want to serve, and I want to do these things. But to have like… Yeah, to give everything over, to really do everything Spirit asked of me was a big step, and I had to really think about it for a while, and really feel into it, if it was something I was really willing to do. And yeah, so after a couple of months of meditating on it and really feeling into it, I was like okay, I guess this is something I need to do. And she told me that you know, it was my choice. If I do it, it would be really challenging and difficult, but also very rewarding. And if I didn't do it, that I could go on living a regular, boring life. And the more I thought about it, I was like, I didn't want to have a boring life, and I do want to be a healer, and do all these things… And if I don't do this, and I don't gain the skills, what's gonna happen in the future if those skills are needed? Like, I have a daughter, like what if my daughter needed some form of healing, and because I chose to just be a regular, boring… Call it a “muggle”, you know, and I didn't have access to that divine connection to provide what I needed to provide, I would regret it. So I thought well, I guess this is something I need to do. Yeah, so I did it, I held a ceremony, I did my devotion. And pretty much right after I devoted myself to her, she said, “You're a woman.” And I was like, “Excuse me? What do you mean, I'm a woman?” And she said, “You're a woman.” And I thought, “Okay, I don't know what the fuck that means.” (laughs) And I had to sit and meditate with that, and then she started giving me tasks. Like I had to get rid of all my old clothes. I had to go buy women's clothes. All these things that were really about feminizing me. So she started giving me all these tasks to have me really drop into more a feminine place. The more tasks she gave me, the more I realized wow, she is guiding me really to this thing of like… She says I'm a woman. So I started feeling into that. Like okay, I promised I'd do everything she asked. She said I'm a woman. Let me feel into that, what does this feel like for me? Really feel into it, am I? Am I really a woman? So I started doing like a deep dive with this feeling, with this idea… I went to other shaman people, shamanic practitioners, I went to psychics. I would go to different things, and I would ask like, “Okay, can you help me with this? Can you journey and find out, or can you get a reading for me? Am I really a woman?” I did that a few times, I'm like I need to double-check this. Maybe I'm going insane, let me go ask a few other people to see if this is congruent. And the answers were pretty much in alignment that there was something there for me to explore. So I'm like okay, I'm exploring this. And after… I don't know what it was, like six, seven months of doing tasks, like wearing make-up and doing different things, I did another journey, and this time she said, “Okay, now you're gonna go and get estrogen. You're gonna go get hormones.” And you know, that was a big step for me! I was like okay, I guess we're reaching a new level. And I still wasn't fully convinced I was a woman at the time. And how old were you at that point? It's been fifteen years, so… Yeah it's been about fifteen years. So like 40, 39? Yeah. 40, 39, yeah… Sixteen years… Anyways, so I went and spoke to my doctor. I mean, I knew all the things I needed to say to get the estrogen. And yeah, it was a very… It was like a big portal for me in my life and my transition and my sense of self, because the moment that I injected the estrogen for the first time, when the estrogen coursed through my body, it felt… Yeah, it really felt in my system like, I'm home. I'm home. And it really felt so much like home, and so much like… Like, this is what I've been looking for my whole life. This feeling is what I've been seeking my whole life and I didn't know it. You know it's almost like having that… Like my body always felt off, wrong… I always felt… I don't know what to call it, like… I never felt comfortable in my own skin, kind of a feeling. And it was a constant thing that I wasn't aware of until I had the estrogen, and then I was like oh my goodness, this is what I've been waiting for. This is it. This is it. This is home for me. I felt at home in my body, maybe for the first time. And yeah, I remember that as soon as I felt this, I looked up and I was like, “You were right!” I had this moment of, “You were right.” So that was how it began. It was not like I had any idea that that's what I was doing… Yeah, up to that point I had doubts. Even after that point, I had periods of doubts. Even now! (laughs) Even now there's still moments where I question my gender. You know, people say that gender is fluid, and it changes with whatever throughout your life… I'm not sure if that's the case or not, but for me there's definitely been elements of fluidity, particularly in the first half of my transition. I did go through periods of time where I felt like I was more trans feminine, but gender fluid, and I would flow back and forth. Hm! How would that show up, like in a day-to-day thing? It could be day to day, it could be minute to minute. It could be situational. Part of it is that I do carry forty-plus years of living as a man in my system, in my body, in my muscle memory, in my brain. Biologically speaking, you know, testosterone shaped my brain. The testosterone brain and the estrogen brain are very different on many levels. There's different neural pathways that run through the brains, dictated by hormones. So I have all the masculine—I don't know if masculine is the right word… All the testosterone neural pathways, and then I got and formed—my brain got reshaped, with all the estrogen neural pathways. So my brain does some weird things sometimes. (laughs) So yeah, I mean, it's… Hm. I'm trying to think of a way to explain it that makes sense. At times, like in the past, like the first half of my transition, I would say that I typically shifted within the spectrum of what I would consider my identity based on if I was feeling masculine or feminine. So if I stepped into a real masculine space, it was almost like everything just sorta shifted, and I would step into that place. You know, like I was before my transition. It was a full shift. You know, body mannerisms, the way I spoke, the way I carried myself, the way I sit, the way I talk. It just becomes very much like that. And then when I was feeling more feminine, I would flow more into like a soft, feminine place, where I could feel my identity as a woman more fully. So I was like going back and forth based on how I felt within the masculine-feminine polarities and dynamics that are within me. I mean, everybody has them. Right. Everybody has them, but within me it would cause shifts in how I felt about myself. How I felt about myself in the moment. And that still happens periodically. And yeah… There's times that I just feel, like I feel my body, and I'm like “Is this right for me?” I don't know… There's moments of questioning. It's interesting, like sometimes I don't realize I've made a shift until I'm talking to someone about something. And then my language sometimes gives me a clue. For example, as an educator, if I was to be talking about let's call it male psychology or male health, male sexuality, or growing up that way, or something… And I'd be talking, and I might shift into language of like… Including myself, like “We often feel this way when…” or things like that. And when that comes out, sometimes I'm like “Oh. I'm a ‘we' with this now. Okay, that's interesting…” And there's other times that I'm not aware of it, that someone will use my pronouns, of like she or her, that don't feel good in my system. And someone will refer to me in that way and I'll constrict and be like whoa, that's not me. And then I'll be like okay, that's weird, I didn't realize… I don't feel good being a she/her right now. And it makes me feel like, “Am I a he/him?” Where am I on the pronoun spectrum? But it's not like a conscious thing, like I wake up and go hey, I'm gonna be this. It's just how I am just going through my day, there's little indicators that tell me, you're more this way on the spectrum today, or in this moment. And a lot of times it's those things… Even though the majority of the time, when I'm going through my day, when people misgender me, and call me “sir” or a he/him, it hurts… You know, it hurts, and I know I'm over here. And so it's more situations and external reflections that give me an indicator as to where I am in the moment. But I would say the majority of the time, I'm definitely in the trans feminine identity. A lot of times it's easier for me to say I'm a trans-woman to people, than to say oh I'm trans-feminine but sometimes I'm fluid, and da-da-da… And like, it just turns into this big, huge, confusing thing, and if 99% of the time she/her pronouns make me happy, I just say hey, great. Just please use she/her pronouns, because 99% of the time they make me happy, and it's so much easier to say I'm a woman. And I am. I mean, even as far back as February, just a couple months ago, I was going through a questioning period. I was going on shamanic journeys, and getting help from other practitioners, to figure out like… What is my gender? Who am I? I was going through one of those questioning periods. And at the end of the day, the answer I got through all of the guidance I got and journeys I did, was that I am a woman. So I am. Yeah… It's complicated. It's simple but complicated. (laughs) Yeah, I can understand that! Can you talk more about the shamanic journey? What started you, what got you interested? I'm sure that's a whole thing too! Well, I've always been interested in the metaphysical, the spiritual… When I went through adolescence, I was interested in the Occult. I was always interested in those kinds of things. You know, I read books and practiced basic rituals. And you know, Pagan things, as I was going through adolescence into adulthood, and that's always been important to me. But yeah, it started with… Okay. I have to give you a little bit of background. I'm a licensed mental health counselor. And I used to work in a juvenile detention center, working with delinquent kids. And I did that for almost twenty-five years. And I was at a conference that was based around the treatment of sex offenders. At this conference, there was a clinician that was also a shamanic healer, who worked in the treatment of sex offenders using Native American healing ceremonies as part of his practice. And so he was giving a presentation, and I was like “Yeah, that's my shit right there. I need to be in this. I need to know about this.” And so I sat in this class, and he spoke about you know, living in Africa, and learning to be a shaman in Africa, a Sangoma, and he gave all these presentations and things that were amazing, and he even talked about shamanic healing for things like anxiety. And he led a healing circle for a shamanic healing ceremony, to help somebody who was there who had anxiety. So I participated and witnessed this ceremony, and the whole time that he was speaking, the whole time this class was happening, and during the ceremony, I felt like lightning was going through my body. There was so much energy coursing through my body throughout this whole class, that I was just like “Damn, I need to look into this. I need to do this. This is amazing!” I could feel it. It's so… In me! I had to do it. So I took some of the recommended books that he had listed on his thing. I think I might have ordered them from Amazon, I don't remember. But yeah, I just took the books, started reading. I started going to drumming and journeying circles near my house, that other shamanic practitioners were doing. And so I just started journeying and connecting to my spirit guides. Building relationships with my spirit guides. And then yeah, the more I did it, the more it felt alive in me. And that's when my teacher, my spirit guide, my Goddess, who I'd been building a relationship with shamanically—I already had a relationship with her before, when I was in my Pagan… For lack of a better term, growing up Pagan. Yeah, she stepped forward, and was like, I want you to devote yourself. So I devoted myself… And yeah, it's just gone from there. Yeah. And so I'm curious what the whole devotion thing… What all does that entail? And I guess, what purpose does it serve for you, too? Well, what it entails is being in service. So it's not just being in service to her, but it basically means being in service to the Earth, being in service to people, being in service to our collective. In essence, I'm a priestess. And as a priestess, I'm here to serve. And that may look different ways at different times to different people. You know, I may be doing ceremonies in nature for Mother Earth, that have to do with healing, water, or connecting to trees. Cleaning up trash, I do that. (Laughs) Or, it could be going on journeys for people that need help, need questions answered, need healing. It could mean doing Reiki or energy healing on someone that needs healing. It could be… Yeah, numerous things. Part of my path, part of being in service is also being a teacher, being a presenter, being an event coordinator. There's a lot of areas where I'm in service. What does it mean for me? It means a lot of things! Like for one thing, it meant me finding who I really am. And ultimately, I will say that my transition was hard. I was terrified. I was terrified to transition. And especially in this world where there's so much hate toward trans and queer people… I mean right now you know the Republican right wing agenda is all anti-trans. Everything is anti-trans. There's politicians calling for us to be eradicated. There's all kinds of crazy stuff. So yeah, I was terrified to do so, not just for the world, but within myself. I had internal fear about doing the transition as well. Right. You know, coming out, and just everything. And so I really feel like if I had not promised to do everything she asked, I probably wouldn't have done it. And I think that Spirit, the Divine, knew that at this point in my life and who I was and where I was in life and everything, that I needed to be fully devoted with no right of refusal, for me to do the things I needed to do. And to really step into myself, into my power, into being authentic. Because I think if I didn't have that, I would have been too afraid. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that that's one of the things that served me, as hard as it was! Yeah, I mean I'm living… (laughs) I live a crazy life! Most people would consider it crazy. You know, I don't think I would have had the courage to step into it and do all of the things that I do if I didn't have this… Yeah, this place of being in service. And feeling like I have this spiritual safety net—that I can jump into all these things, knowing that I'm supported, that I'm doing the right thing, if that makes sense. If I have Spirit telling me to do something, and it's spirits that are my guides and teachers that I have a close relationship to, I feel safe that this is the right thing for me. So it's nice to have guidance. So many people in this world wander around, like looking for a purpose, looking for, “What the hell am I doing with myself? Why am I here? What's my purpose?” Mid-life crises. All these things. And for me, it's been handed to me in a sense. Like, here you go, this is what you're doing, like it or not. And half the time, I haven't liked it cause it's been really hard, and painful. Having to also face and heal all my trauma, you know… I needed to heal all my trauma, so that I can better serve and heal other people's trauma—has not been easy. But it's been rewarding. It's like my Goddess said, I mean it hasn't been easy, it's been challenging, but it has been very rewarding. And continues to be very rewarding. Yeah, I can resonate with a lot of that. You mentioned drumming, and journeys? What exactly is a shamanic journey? I have heard that term before—can you describe it a bit more? Yeah… Let me see if I can summarize this quickly. Okay. So when I speak in terms of Michael Harner, and his school and foundation of shamanic studies… Michael Harner was an anthropologist that traveled around the world and lived with many indigenous cultures, and eventually became a shaman. He was welcomed by the village shamans into their mysteries. The more he traveled around the world, the more he realized that universally, all the shamanic cultures around the world do the same things. They may have different flavors of how they do it. They may have different techniques that vary in appearance or flavor but ultimately, all the shamanic practices are the same, or similar. And so he called it Core Shamanism. So this foundation of shamanic studies teaches what he calls Core Shamanism. And so in Core Shamanism, the idea is that people go into ecstatic states—altered states of consciousness, where we communicate with spirits, with entities, with trees, with the Earth, with the seasons, with elements… And there's different ways of doing it. Everything from dancing, to fasting, to vision quests… You know, going out in nature for a few days with no food… It could be going into a dark cave for two days, in darkness… There's all these ways that universally, people have done these things. Plant medicines. Every culture around the world uses some form of mushroom or plant medicine, to… Or you know, frogs, or whatever. There's different nature medicines that help open the mind, and expand consciousness, to communicate with Spirit—that's spiritual growth. But ultimately, to narrow it down, what he found is that people can do this naturally without medicines, without doing anything else—through drumming. Oh yeah, I should mention breath work—breath work is a big way to also enter these states of consciousness. But yeah, so drumming, where you just take a drum, and beat it at a particular speed or frequency, has a particular vibration that is encoded in our DNA. Every human being across the globe, it has been proven in studies, that if you just sit and close your eyes, and listen to a drum, just beating, and you just relax, it will put your mind into a trance state. I forget what it's called, like the theta state, where we dream. I forget what it is, if it's beta or theta state, I can't remember. Yeah, I'm not sure. So basically, people that are awake, that are just sitting and listening to drumming, if they just allow themselves to relax, they will automatically go into this kind of mental wave length state where you can receive visions, or dreams. And every person can do it—it's part of our brain. Our brains are wired to do this, naturally. So effectively, it's in our DNA that we are all shamans, and that we can all do shamanic journeys, just from using a drum. Just like we can all do it through breath work. Like if we do the Wim Hof method, or the shamanic breathwork. There's different types of breathwork—holotropic breathwork. All those kinds of things. It's naturally in our systems, in our brains, that when we do these things, this happens. So everybody can do this naturally. And I think we all did it naturally, two thousand-plus years ago, before the advent of the Judeo-Christian religions, that told us that we needed to go to a church, to talk to a priest, and the priest could talk to God for us, and that we couldn't do it ourselves. We've been disempowered, and disconnected from Source, and disconnected from Spirit. But we all have it. So yeah, shamanic journeys can come in many forms. Like ayahuasca or mushrooms, or it can come through holotropic breathwork. But I started with drumming, because that's the most basic, most foundational one, where you really don't have to do anything but sit, and listen to the drum. And then there's guidance, where for shamanic journeys, we do use… People do use their imagination. Like visualization. Like if you go to some psychic circles, and people take you through a guided meditation, where someone is guiding you, down a hall and down some stairs, and through a door, and into a room, and what do you see in the room. And so a guided meditation is very similar, where you have someone guiding you through the experience, but when you learn to do a shamanic journey, you're doing it for yourself. So you imagine yourself going into a cave, and following the cavern down deeper and deeper and deeper, to go into what's called lower world. In shamanic cosmology, there's upper world and lower world. And middle world—the middle world is where we live in. And the upper world is where, traditionally, the spirits that are human-shaped are found, like ancestors, passed loved ones. Some people might say deities. Basically the human-shaped, humanoid-type teachers and guides are usually found in the upper world. And when you go into the lower world, that's where you connect with plant and animal spirits, like your animal spirit guides, like your Power Animal. Okay. So you visualize yourself going down into this, or you visualize yourself climbing a ladder or climbing a tree. Like the World Tree imagery. People talk about the World Tree—that was usually what the shamans used to travels the worlds. So yeah, you follow the path to where you're trying to go. You imagine it, you visualize it, and you visualize yourself walking in those directions, and eventually you cross a threshold, be it a doorway, an archway, the pearly gates into heaven. I like to use the analogy of Jack and the bean stalk. Like Jack climbed a beanstalk, all the way up into the clouds, and then Jack climbed through a cloud, and when he came out on the other side of the cloud, he was in a different world. He could stand on the cloud, and there was like castles and geese that laid golden eggs, and all these things. So there's usually a threshold. And when you cross that threshold and enter the spirit world, is usually when your imagination sort of isn't… It's no longer like… Something will happen, like Spirit will interact with you in some way… That you'll sit there and go, “Okay, I'm in the spirit world now, because there's no way I would have dreamed this up.” You know, your imagination only takes you so far. Our imagination only has so much in terms of creativity, in these moments, that when you step into the spirit world, something will happen with the environment, with you know, an animal or something that's gonna be so weird, that you go, “Okay, I'm here. I'm with spirit now, because there's no way my imagination would have done this.” So it's hard to explain, but that's how it feels. It's like, yeah, I didn't imagine that. So I know that something's happening. That's usually the indicators for when you're in the spirit world. So Spirit lets you know, “Okay, you're here, let me show you this weird thing so you know you're here.” It's almost like lucid dreaming, where something weird happens and you're like “Oh, I think I'm dreaming!” Something different, like an indicator. So basically, in a nut shell, that's shamanic journeying! (laughs) Yeah, interesting! Do you remember your first one? That's a really good question… I don't know if I remember my first one. Yeah… I was doing it so much, just trying to map out my worlds, and where all my guides were. That time, just meeting my spirit guides, I don't remember what my first one was. I know it was profound, because I went back! Again and again! I don't remember what it was that made it special or profound. Okay. So you did mention the Mystery School. Is it Neo-Tantra? Is that how you say it? I mentioned Michael Harner's foundation of shamanic studies. They offer training, like two or three year apprenticeship for shamanic studies. I just want to throw a plug out there: it is a foundation that, when people do go and pay for their programs, the money does go to indigenous cultures, and to indigenous shamans, to help keep all these shamanic practices alive, different cultures in the world. I just want to say that because it is important, something that we need to do. But yeah, I do belong to a mystery school! Yeah, what is that? What does that mean? I belong to a mystery school that's called the International School of Temple Arts. I am a faculty for the International School of Temple Arts, or ISTA for short. And we are a… Hm. It's like defining who we are is always a changing thing. Yeah, we operate within the realm of sacred sexuality, and do utilize elements of tantra, taoist teachings, shamanism, Buddhism, and so many other spiritual practices into one melting pot of things. And really, it is about uncovering you know, the mystery of what it means to be here, in this life. The mystery of life. The mystery of love. The mystery of sexuality. The mystery of the divine, the mystery of Source. Where everybody came from. You know, what is God? Like, the Native American tribes referred to God, or, you know, as the Great Mystery. It's a mystery. The Divine is a mystery. So we're a Mystery School that delves into these deep things. Like delving into Shadow—shadow work. Delving into darkness and light, and really all that it means to be human, and spiritual, and sexual. So while people wanted to classify us as tantra, because we fell into the Neo-tantric umbrella where people think of sacred sexuality in that way. While we adhere to some tantric practices like sound, breath, and movement, and many of our teachers are tantra teachers as well, that's not effectively who we are. So we started coining the term Sexual Shamanism. So what we do is sexual shamanism, which is different than tantra, because it's a different flavor. Like tantra comes from India, and has this rich tradition, which… There is a lot of cultural appropriation, and spiritual appropriation that has happened, within Neo-tantra communities, and even within ISTA where we've taken things from the tantra traditions of India, and we've utilized them and changed them, and you know, adapted them to what we do. But yeah, so we basically call it sexual shamanism. And again, it's difficult to explain in a short period of time because so much of it is a mystery, because it's so different for everybody that comes to our trainings. Do you do like, one-on-one, or are there group classes, or is it mostly individual? Yeah, we do group offers. For the most part, we do trainings. We do week-long intensives. The first… We'll call it the starting point, the level one, is called the Spiritual Sexual Shamanic Experience. And so I facilitate those trainings. And this experience is… Even though we have a core curriculum, everybody that goes through it experiences something different, because everybody is on their own journey. And you know, we have a feeling, or a sense, or a belief that everybody that comes to our trainings gets exactly what they need. So it has that shamanic feel, that for some people, they get some things like where… They open up sexually in ways that they didn't know they could. Other people receive healing from trauma. Other people just go deeper into their own spiritual practice. Other people basically develop a stronger sense of self and identity. And yeah, the primary core of the level one has to do with sovereignty, personal sovereignty and self-empowerment. So that looks different to everybody that comes. So there's this level one, which is about self-empowerment, then there's other trainings. One that's being renamed into Soul Initiation. We used to call it the level two, and it used to be called the Spiritual Sexual Shamanic Initiation, Level Two. So the first is the experience, the second is the initiation. Now we're taking the “level two” part of it out, and just calling it a Soul Initiation, I believe—the name is still being worked out. Because, too many people felt like… You know, in our Western culture, we have you know, first grade, second grade, third grade. So people thought “I'm gonna do level one, then I'm gonna do level two.” like a progression. And it's not like that. It's two separate things that aren't linear. It's about the self, or it's about killing the ego. And really going into deeper initiations: death initiations, sexual rebirth initiations… So it's a totally different thing. And then there are other trainings that are… There's another one that has to do with really… The core teaching of it is disillusionment, and being disillusioned with the mystery school, with ISTA, with everything. Being disillusioned with things in a way that if everything is falling apart around you, can you still hold your center? Can you still hold your ground? Can you still stay grounded with who you are, in your mission in life, in your purpose, and continuing to do what you're here to do, even as everything else is falling apart around you? Even as the world is collapsing in on you, know you can do this. “I'm gonna go change the world!” There's gonna be that push-back, like “No, this is radically different, this is bad, you can't do this” because of the old belief systems. How can you sit there in the fire and still hold your center and continue plodding forth? So that training is that piece. And then we have the practitioner training, which is really becoming a healer, a sexual healer, within the frameworks and teachings of what we do, within ISTA, that framework and philosophy of healing. Yeah. How was the transition from, you said you were a mental health counselor, then you started going the shaman route… Like, was it kinda gradual, or did you make an abrupt switch? What did that look like? Well it was a gradual thing. I continued to work, I continued to work at my job while I was an apprentice at ISTA, working toward becoming an ISTA faculty as I learned and healed and worked in the field, in all these trainings. And then it just got to a point where… I reached a point of no return, where my soul just felt like I couldn't be in my job anymore. I couldn't continue to do that work. I needed to leave that job so that I could follow a path that's more soul-aligned. Right. I think my job was definitely soul-aligned for that period of my life, you know, healing and helping all these kids in needs, where I was saving lives. I did save a lot of lives. I have a lot of love for the kids I worked with, and that population. I feel like at some point I'm gonna go back and do more work with that population somehow. I just don't know how or when. But yeah, when I was at my office, even though I was doing good work, I felt stifled and trapped, and I just knew my soul was like, no you need to do something else, something bigger, something grander, something beyond this. And so that's what I'm doing now. I'm out creating events, I'm a training organizer. I organize trainings and events for other teachers and other people. I was organizing for ISTA, so I would help bring ISTA trainings to different places as an organizer. And I'm an ISTA faculty, and I'm teaching the ISTA Level One. So above and beyond that, I'm feeling a call to be a shamanic counselor. I don't know what else to call it. Open myself up to seeing people individually, one-on-one, which would be a variation of coaching, and counseling, therapy, and shamanic work, as well as healing work if needed. Be it Reiki, or even body work, like I did complete the ISTA practitioner training and I have skills in different healing modalities. So it's whatever is needed. That's what I'm doing now. Okay, nice. Wow… I feel like I need to just take all of that in for a second. Thank you for sharing all of that. Wow. I feel like the last questions I wrote seem kinda silly, like “Okay, what are some of your hobbies?” (laughs) But yeah I guess, kinda related to hobbies… It does seem like the work you do is very deep. I would guess that it might be very draining, too. Like, how do you… You did mention light reading. How do you balance that? How do you not take that home with you, you know? Well, I mean, I would say that part of it is that I use tools to help release things… Release energies, stuck energies within me. Tools that I teach at ISTA for example, as well as other tools that my beloved has been teaching me as well. So we work together in different ways to help release things. There's times I have to come home and just have decompression periods where I need to just sit and relax… That's basically it. I do need some down time. But yeah, I don't know. It's not like really… I don't know, I think I do push myself a little bit more than I should, but a lot of times it's something that I love doing, so then I'm like, “Yeah, let's do it!” Yeah! All right, let's see… What are some things that you're looking forward to in the near future? The near future? Yeah! Wow… There's a few things that I'm really excited about. I mean obviously, one is I'm gonna be… I'm working on an oracle deck. Yeah, and I have a friend of mine that's doing the artwork for it. Okay! I'm like, in my second edit of the description of all the cards and everything. So I feel like pretty soon I'm gonna see about getting it published, or do self-publishing. I don't know how it's gonna go yet, but that's something I'm excited about! In a little bit over a week, on the 24th [of April], I fly out to California. I'm gonna be teaching ISTA out in Northern California. Where specifically? I don't know the name of the venue, but it's about an hour and a half from San Francisco. North or south? North. Okay. I actually grew up an hour south of San Francisco. Yeah, so I'm gonna be out there teaching ISTA. Cool! And then… Something else that I'm really excited about, in June, I have a training up here in upstate New York called the Shamanic Kink Immersion that I'm organizing, and assisting, and being a part of. So that's up here in upstate New York. So I'm excited to organize and help create this event. And then, in July, at the same place in upstate New York, I'm gonna be teaching another ISTA training. Okay! So yeah! If your viewers want to come meet me in person, they can come to upstate New York, and yeah, get a taste! (laughs) Yeah, that's great! That does sound pretty exciting! Cool, well those are all the questions I have! That was so much. So much really interesting stuff. Is there anything else you wanted to talk about that I didn't ask about? Talk about… Um… I'm not sure. You know, to come around full circle to this originally being an interview about gamers and people my age that play video games… Well it's not just that. I wanted to just interview older, interesting women doing interesting things. Yeah. So definitely yeah, I'm excited for the new Diablo game that's coming out soon. I'm excited for the Baldur's Gate III game that's coming out in August. So the makers of Dragon Age, many years ago, created Baldur's Gate I and II for PC, like twenty years ago. And now, there's a new Baldur's Gate III coming out. And what I really love about it, besides the fact that it has beautiful graphics, great storytelling… I mean so much of it is impressive… The artistry of it is incredible, and the storytelling… It's that the makers, Larian Studios, are actually doing everything in their power to make the game as close to Dungeons and Dragons 5E core rules. And to make the game feel like it's a tabletop role-playing game, even though you're playing a video game. Huh! So their goal is to make it feel like you're immersed in a tabletop game, not just playing a video game. So it's really incredible. Really, the storytelling… The way it's done, like if you're playing a tabletop role-playing game, when you do checks and abilities, it actually shows a little box where a twenty-sided die rolls, or you know, six-sided dice rolls, to really see if you're successful in your actions. And then, you can play multi-player with friends, too, so you can go on campaigns with three or four of your friends. Right now it's only in early-access, but the new game is coming out, and I'm super excited for that! Yeah, cool! Sounds good! So that's the other things I'm excited about! Upcoming video games. Yeah, nice! Cool. Well yeah, thank you so much! This was a really great interview. Thanks for sharing so much of your story. Thank you! Yeah, until I put up my own website, which I'm working on at this moment, people can find my profile on the ISTA website, which is ista.life. You can find all the trainings, and all the faculty, and I have a profile there. I have my own website for the trainings I'm organizing that also has some information about me, which neistatrainings.com. So that's the simplest way to find me. Find me on Facebook, you know, find me on Instagram. Yeah, what's your Instagram username? I think it's my full name. I'm on my phone right now… It's yeah, @javi_martinez_stahl.

Thanks for tuning in to another interview in Season 4 of the Wise Not Withered Podcast! Today's guest is Claire Benson. We met at a retreat about a month and a half ago, with a program called BWA (Body Wisdom Academy) that we refer to in our conversation. She talks about what she's learned from relationships, overcoming fear, and we talk quite a lot about trauma. The exact content of our conversation hopefully isn't too triggering to listen to, but she does talk about nervous system collapse, so just be aware of that. — All right. Okay, thank you so much for agreeing to do this interview. So let's get right into it. Claire Benson! How old are you? What is your age? I am 58! 58, awesome! Let's see. What roles do you carry in your current life? I'm a partner, mother of two daughters, daughter, friend. And professionally I'm an accountant for a non-profit group that provides communication services to people with aphasia. These people have loss of language, not intelligence, from a brain injury like a stroke. I really like it. I'm not so much into the accounting anymore, but I work with a really inspiring team of young women therapists that lets me marry my skills to support a community program that's really important to me. Yeah, that's so interesting. How did you get into that? I've been involved with them for years. One of my good friends is the president on the board. And I was on the board for many years, trying to support the accounting function, and in the end said “Why don't you just let me do it for a couple of years?” So I came off the board and got more organized. And I still do it cause it works, and I enjoy being with them. Let's see… What can you tell me about the romantic relationships in your life and what did you learn from each one? That's a big one… I met my first husband when I was working in Bermuda. We were both newly qualified chartered accountants. He's Canadian, and I'm from the U.K. which may or may not be obvious. We married, and moved to Canada, from Bermuda. I was a quiet, and shy young person, and a bit of a people-pleaser. I was always worried about what people would think. We were married for 26 years, but ultimately I realized he was a very self-contained person, and didn't have anything of himself to share with me. And I am more of a highly sensitive individual, and he just didn't have the capacity to give me the affection that I needed. So I was very lonely. I decided I'd honor my heart and leave. I realized that being loved isn't enough if you aren't shown that love. Yeah. And I'm now in a relationship with a really very affectionate man. And he makes me feel loved and seen. The dynamic is very different. I didn't really know that was possible. We both work really hard on communication, and it's not always easy, bu it's worth it! When you and I met at the retreat, there were a few other young women there, too. And I was really, really pleased to see you all doing the work earlier in life than I did. To me that's a real gift. In terms of what I learned, if I'm looking back, the advice I'd give to young adults, and I do to my own kids, is to seek out that inner learning early: therapy, retreats, whatever you can. Begin that self-reflection early. It's so important to understand who you are, especially before you consider committing to one person for the rest of your life. You have to learn your communication styles, you have to learn to be discerning and put yourself first. You have to stand on your own mountain and see who wants to join you there. Yeah… What started you on that path, that journey of self-discovery? I think I've always been a seeker. Things have happened in my life that have made me stronger and more able to face that and look at that. Was it more of like a gradual process, or do you remember like a turning point, a single event that kick-started it? Becoming a mother made me more of a lioness, definitely. And one of my children was very sick. Things that happen in the outside world that you have to deal with… They make you realize that you only get one chance at this. And I think I was just cruising, and doing the best I could. But you know, you learn as you age. Yeah, sometimes it does take those really dark, down moments to really shake you, right. It really, really does. Yeah. Yeah… Thank you for sharing that. I guess a little lighter then, what do you spend most of your time doing these days? What are some of your hobbies and interests, and activities outside of work? My schedule is kinda up to me, which is a really nice thing to have. And I kinda work when it makes sense, and organize my days to try and make sure I get to do things for me. I try and meditate and walk, stretch my body and do some yoga most days. I find that that self-care takes longer and longer, and becomes more important every day. But it is a win—I have to pay myself first. That's a really difficult lesson to learn; when you've got young kids, it's really hard for mums to hear, that “You gotta look after yourself.” The reality of that is a little harder. I'm a big hiker! I like to integrate hiking into travel whenever I can. The walking and being in nature is grounding for me. I feel really untethered if I don't get to do that. A few years ago, I hiked the Inca trail in Peru. Oh, wow!! And that was kinda like the longest walking meditation… Being off-grid, and just such a moving experience. All you had to do was put one foot in front of the other. Mmm!! How long is that trail? It took about five days. Wow! Oh my gosh! How many miles a day? Well, I don't remember the miles, but the longest days we were probably walking for about eight hours. That sounds like a lot. But we had sherpas and guides that took care of putting the tents up, so all you had to think about was “Just gotta put one foot in front of the other.” Which is a really freeing experience! Right, so you did it with a big group? Yeah, a group of about eight of us. We all knew each other. We were with an organized group. So we had a leader, and then we had all the people carrying the heavy stuff, and the food. We just had our day pack with us, and could just… Go. Mhm! What made you decide to do that? And when did you do that again? I did that after my marriage ended. My partner, still now, asked me in our early days, would I do it? I had decided unless something was really off-the-charts scary for me, I was just gonna say “Yes.” And I didn't know whether I could do it. Yes, I'd been a big hiker, but I had never been in that elevation. And I just said yes, and we did it, and it was amazing. Wow. Are there any other… I guess maybe “crazy” isn't the right word for it. Any other, I guess unusual, hiking feats that you've done? Or traveling? I guess you put them together, you said, you like to hike when you go traveling? Yeah, I try to put them together. We did do a trip to Africa, just before Covid, and we were on safari for about ten days. Where specifically in Africa? So we landed in Nairobi, Kenya. And we went through Kenya and Tanzania. Oh wow, okay. And you know, I don't know if you've ever been, but Africa has a very different energy to it. And you totally feel it. And you see poverty and a totally different way of life. So that was really… That was good to see. Yeah… How do you feel it changed you, if you can even put it into words? Well I think one thing it does for sure, apart from seeing the beauty, and feeling the different air… I always love elephants. And seeing a herd of elephants cross in front of you like twenty feet away, was just, for me, a very spiritual experience. But you also come away really knowing the difference between first world and third world problems. Not that I suffered, but you certainly see… You know, when you've got people collecting plastic bottles from you so that they can use them to recycle them to get any pennies they can… So desperate to make a living, just to feed their family, you really do realize that we have a lot of first world problems, that we shouldn't worry about. Right. Definitely gives you some perspective! Yeah. Yeah, so I guess in the same line of perspective: what's something you learned about yourself just in the past year? Well, this'll give you kind of a bit more… Core… Sort of… What I've been through. I grew up in a house where I felt quite different from my family. I think a lot of people start to realize that now. You know, you hear people say they think they were adopted. And I just craved being seen and heard, and I can see now that I was seeking connection, and was sensitive to what was going on in people's inner world. And if I didn't get any sort of connection, I'd pull back, and turn inwards. I'd do things like buy my family small gifts, and put them under their pillows. I really wasn't doing it for attention; I was doing it for connection. And, like many families, my parents were focused on providing for us, and totally gave us a good standard of living, and kept us active and safe. But there was also a lot of fear modeled, which made me very uncertain as I ventured out into the world. I'm quite determined, luckily. I realized last year that I wanted to look at my inner turmoil. So I signed up for an intense training program that taught me about trauma, and how it shows up in the body, and how to reprogram the wiring. This has really been a game-changer for me in how I live my life, and pushed me to listen to my inner wisdom. I'd always thought something was wrong with me, because I was so disregulated around other people, and I didn't know what it was. And now I know how common it is. So I know how to practice staying in my body, and sometimes I can actually feel a little bit more regulated. Yeah, that's great! Is that Body Wisdom Academy, or something else? Yes, that was BWA. Okay, and just out of curiosity, how did you find Leslie and all of that? The whole world of BWA! It's kind of interesting. She came across my Facebook page, so obviously the AI was doing something. And I had been looking at… I was at a point in the relationship where we were in a bit of a rocky place. And I wanted to do some… I realized there was more damage from my marriage than I hadn't dealt with, more from my childhood that I hadn't dealt with, even though I thought I was okay. So I was looking at just wanting to learn something in the healing world. And I was looking for people to learn reiki from! I hadn't even done reiki. And I think that triggered her coming across my Facebook page. And it was at the right time for me! I looked at it, and I spoke to Leslie, and I just took a leap of faith! Yeah. That is so interesting. I feel like I had a similar experience, where… Just on my Instagram page, I added “musical healer” in my description, and I swear my feed changed a little bit just from that. And what the algorithm will throw at you, depending on what you're searching for. I feel like it's this weird balance of like… It's kinda creepy, but then it also sometimes does point you in the right direction, you know? That's right! Yes, yes. So I think I did her free course, to start off with. Which sort of pulls you in a little bit and shows you what she's actually doing. Because it's got to be such a heart-aligned… It's such a hard thing to market and explain to people in a way they'll understand, until they've done it. Right. Definitely! Did you do the free course first? Or did you jump right in? I did a couple of… I think I did the 7-day audio challenge, and I stayed subscribed to her. So it's like I did feel like a little pull. Yeah, it's interesting how things happen to us, and we just kinda… Go a bit more in, a bit more in, until we can commit. Yeah! I do feel like things show up when we're ready for them, you know? Yes, absolutely. I'm really proud of you and the other young women for doing it, because it's life-changing! Yeah, it really is. Thank you, I appreciate that. Yeah, I guess this is very related, so what's one of the biggest challenges you've overcome? When my youngest daughter—I have two daughters. When she was twelve, she began to have health issues. And it started with a central nervous system collapse after she'd had the third of three HPV vaccinations. And she was with the first cohort in her school, the first year that they gave these vaccines, at twelve years old, and it was before we knew much about them. And I use the term “nervous system collapse”, I'm not sure if it's a medical term, but it makes sense to me, because she was in constant fight-or-flight, she was in high anxiety, off-the-charts pain, catastrophic thinking, physical symptoms were amassing, and the exhaustion. So it kinda circles back to what we were just talking about, with how the body… The body works, and connects with the mind. And it was really complicated. And I was really out of my depth. And it didn't fit into the mainstream medical silos. She had two surgeries. The first one left her with a deadly infection. And the second one kinda cleaned up the damage from the first. And, at that time, nobody spoke about trauma, and the impact on the body and the nervous system and how it creates pain. Pain can frequently show up in the pelvis, especially in females. After about three years, a physiotherapist started me on that path of learning about trauma and its impact. And I kinda became the queen of research at night, when I was trying to look after her in the day. I made so many mistakes… I took advice from the medical community, which I now know was the opposite of what she needed. I made her go to school, and that caused more trauma. She was rarely in school. It really impacted my oldest daughter as well. She was able to be a supportive sister, and care for herself as much as possible… But we were both traumatized from what we witnessed. And it was just a huge period of responsibility for me, without much of a break. But with a lot of courage, and therapy, and energy healing, she's now done a lot of the kind of therapy I've done. And she really started it before me. And today she's a lot better, but she's fighting to deal with the physical symptoms that remain—tracking her trauma on the nervous system. The reason I wanted to bring it up is because if this happened today, there would be so many more resources available, and guidance from parents. And if somebody had just said to me at the very beginning, “trauma”, I would have known where to look. It was a very difficult journey, and I really hope that today any young Mums would be sent on the right pathway, because we know so much more about how, you know, the body really does keep the score. You're running around saying, “Okay, I'm having these physical symptoms because of this physiological thing?” Or is it because of what we're learning about the nervous system and trauma? And it's just such a long journey. My oldest daughter, now, she's quite an amazing individual. She's an emergency room nurse. And I think because of what she saw with her sister, she's got a bigger picture with her patients, which I think is quite a gift that she brings. But it was a lot of responsibility caring for a child that can't process what's happening to her. And that really has been my biggest challenge. It's been my biggest failure, and it's been my biggest success. Today, it's not my journey—it's her journey. And my job is to try not to cross too many boundaries… You know, inevitably I mess that up, too! Yeah. Oh, I love that you said it's one of your biggest failures but then also biggest successes, too. Yeah. Yeah. They can just be so interrelated. How you look at it. Yeah. Cause I wouldn't be as close with them both, now, I don't think, if we hadn't gone through all of that together. But of course you'd give your right arm to take pain away from somebody. And for some reason, this is her journey. Right. I don't think I'll ever understand it, but that's what it is. Yeah. Did you also read the book “The Body Keeps The Score”? I'm literally reading it right now! Yes. The first book I read was “Waking The Tiger”—I think that was Peter Levine. So that was what really started to show me how trauma in childhood can connect with pain. And then I moved on to “The Body Keeps The Score”. That one was a little technical for me, but I did get through it. I just read as much as I could. Yeah. So in light of the successes… Again I just love that you called it a failure but then also a success. Thank you. What are some of your other successes that you've had in life? Well I think the biggest one for me, because of my upbringing, has been overcoming fear. And I kinda have to constantly remind myself that it's okay to be uncomfortable. And just going back to the trauma thing… You know, even with that awareness, parents can still pass fear or anything else, traumatic-wise, along their children, because we now know that trauma can be passed down through the DNA. Right, oh my gosh. And, you know, DNA is a little bit flexible, too, so it's not a… foregone conclusion, which is nice. But, you know, in terms of things I had the courage to do… I moved to Bermuda even though I was terrified, and I moved to Canada. I had the courage to go against my teachers, who tried to dumb me down in school and told me I couldn't do what I needed to do to become a chartered accountant. And I actually ended up being one of the youngest people to get it. Yeah, going back to overcoming fear: what exactly does that look like? How does that show up in your day-to-day life? Like, how have you overcome it in different circumstances? Well it's an awareness that the way I was programmed as a child was to go to fear and worry about doing something. So just that awareness of it, so that you question yourself when something you might want to do comes up. One year, I was hiking in Alberta. And I am terrified of heights, I do feel like I want to jump off the edge of a cliff… That's just what it is. But I still went up these switchbacks, up the mountain, and did it! And it's just… A mental switch to catch yourself from going to fear and worry, and trying to go to “Oh, maybe I can do that!” Yeah! And it's really hard. Because I do come up against things that I have on the go, that seem to get to a certain point, and I don't let it get out into the world, where it would be seen. So I definitely have that fear of being seen. That's why the BWA has been good, to keep making me realize, see that, and move towards being seen more. Right, yeah. Like right now! (Laughs) Like right now! Yes, exactly! My first reaction when you asked me to do this was “Hell no!” (Laughs) And then a few people said to me, “Well… Isn't this why you're doing this work?” (Laughs) Got me!! I love it. So great. All right, so what's something you're looking forward to right now? I have some nice things coming up! I have a trip to Norway next month, going to see the fjords. In the middle of planning that now… At the same time, my oldest daughter is doing a hiking trip in Nepal, so I'm looking forward to hearing about that. She's got… Actually, both my kids have the hiking bug. But my oldest has more opportunity, and health, to be able to just go for it. I'm at my partner's cottage right now, being in nature… My big thing is I want to write a novel. I have lots of ideas from my family. I'm not sure yet if it's my story to tell. I'm kinda figuring that out. I've also written a children's book. Goes back to trauma again, it teaches young children strategies to self-soothe with when they're triggered. Oh wait, you've written it and published it? Or you've just written it? No, I've just written it… It's sitting on my computer waiting to be illustrated and published, if I can. Oh, that sounds amazing!! Yes! Yes, you can!! Yeah! So it's based on my youngest daughter's golden retriever, who is really in a lot of ways a therapy dog for her, brought her a long way. It's just where the dog teaches the child, does something with the child like meditate, or breathe, or shake. You know how a dog will shake off trauma, just stand there and shake? Yes! Oh, I love that! So it's just repeating things like that, and giving the child confidence to do it on their own, for themselves. Oh! That sounds so great! Oh my goodness! I really hope you can get that out into the world. That sounds amazing! Yeah, I really would like to. It's pretty well-written. I just have to illustrate it, and then figure out how to get it self-published. Oh my goodness. You have my support for that! That sounds so great. Thank you! I'd have to get you to review it for me. I'd be happy to! That sounds so good. Yeah, it's helpful actually, teachers especially. Yeah, I'd be happy to. So, how do you define success? At this point in my life, it's just internal peace. Health is critical. Self-care. Kindness. Curiosity. Courage to change things when you have to. Yeah. That's a big one. Yeah. Yep. I think I'm successful in having amazing and courageous kids, good friends, loving partner. And at the end of the day, accepting that I can't fix everything. And really trying to be okay with being imperfect, instead of controlling the dynamic. Yeah, definitely. Is there anything you wanted to talk about that I didn't ask? I don't think so! I think you've covered quite a lot. Yeah, cool. That's all the questions I have! Any final thoughts? Final thoughts. I would say just… If your purpose of doing these podcasts is to try and show some wisdom, get younger people thinking, maybe… It's just, trust yourself. And do the work. Therapy is the smartest thing you can do, for everybody. We used to think… There was a perception that it was a sign of weakness. Now it's a sign of strength. You've really got to know yourself. And I know I didn't know myself as a young woman. Not at all. And I just wish people to be more prepared. Yeah. Definitely. Every generation of parents tries to do better than the last generation. And maybe we do. Maybe we don't. We always screw up. But hopefully there is a little bit more awareness coming in around mental health. That's what I really wish for. Yeah, I'd like to think so. I do feel like there are just more resources now, too. Yeah, that's right. You're more likely to come across things. Yeah, and like free things online, and online therapy! There are so many resources. That's right, yes! Yeah! Okay well thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me. This was great! You're welcome, I enjoyed it! — Follow Claire on Instagram @claire.benson.927! Thanks for listening, and tune in again next month for the next interview :)

Welcome to Season 4 of the Wise Not Withered Podcast! We are back with interviewing interesting women who are doing some really cool things! Today's guest is Ann Chikahisa, creator of Chikahisa Studio. In our interview, Ann talks about how she got started making jewelry, the ways that jewelry can move through generations in a family, "Creative Zen", challenges, successes, and future plans. Check out chikahisastudio.com to purchase Ann's beautiful handmade jewelry, and follow her on Instagram, @chikahisastudio!   ~   Wise Not Withered - Interview With Ann Chikahisa   Your name—is it Ann or Ann [pronunciation]? Ann. Ann, okay. And is it Chikahisa? Yes, that's perfect! Okay, excellent, cool! Yay, I said it right! Okay, just to start off, how old are you? I am 59! 59, awesome. Can you describe the work that you do? I am a jeweler. I hand make jewelry for women who like to stand out in the crowd. And how did you get into that? It just began as a passion. I was taking classes at an art studio, making jewelry. When you talk to any metalsmith, pretty much everybody gets bitten by the bug, and they become obsessed, like I did. There's something very alchemic about it—just working with a piece of metal, and then turning it into a piece of jewelry. So that's how I started. I was taking classes at a local jewelry studio, and then I started making jewelry for all my friends, giving it to them for birthday presents or whatever, and then a friend of mine said, “Oh, you should sell your jewelry!” One thing led to another—she threw a trunk show for me, and that's how the business began! Nice! And did you say a trade show? Trunk show. So my friend invited a bunch of friends over to her house, and I put my jewelry out, and I was very, very fortunate a lot of people loved it and bought it that night. And that's how the business began. Okay, yeah. Nice! And how has it changed over time? Well when I first started making jewelry, I did beading. So I bought gem stones and bindings—things that were already pre-made—and put them together. So that's how I first began. And then I had so much fun mixing metals and mixing materials that I decided that I wanted to learn how to actually make those pieces instead of buying them pre-made. And that's when I took the art classes. And so as I've taken more classes, and made my own style and voice, my jewelry has progressed over the years, and has become much more defined in terms of my own personal style and signature look. You kind of find your rhythm and find out who you really are when you're an artist. And sticking with that point of view and that voice has been really fun. So it's like a road of self-discovery to figure out who you are, and how you wanna tell the world who you are through your art. Yeah. Oh, that's great. You mentioned on your website learning from your mother, who learned from her mother. Can you talk more about that generational teaching and learning? Yeah, in Japanese culture—I'm third generation Japanese American. In Japanese culture, the arts are very, very prominent. In our culture, we really look for beauty in everything that we do. We surround ourselves with beauty. So it's been handing down through the generations in my family. When I say that quote about I learned from my mother, who learned from her mother… My grand-mother on both sides, they did Japanese flower arranging, which is called ikebana. They also were sewers, made their own clothing, and did all kinds of things with their hands. My grandmother also did some beadwork, made little handbags. So she did all those kinds of things, and taught my mother. My mother was very big on sewing, and knitting, and those kinds of things. As a child, I learned all of those skills from my mother. So it's just been ingrained in our family history and our culture. Yeah, nice, okay. Let's see… So you talked about— Can you hold on one second? What's going on, if you don't mind my asking? We're working in the studio—my assistant was pounding and stuff, so I didn't know if you could hear it. Oh! Oh, cool yeah, I couldn't. It must be the Air Pods. Okay, good. All right! Yeah, so you make a lot of it yourself, but you also have assistants that help you out too? Yep. I have one assistant. She works like three-quarter time with me. She helps me put together things for the store—helps me supply the pieces for our online shop. Okay, nice! So you mentioned learning from your grandmother and your mother. Are there any other really influential mentors that you've had? Yeah, I do have people that have influenced my work, and influenced my style. It's been friends and other jewelers that I've worked with. I have favorite artists that have influenced my style and my aesthetic. Georgia O'Keefe is somebody I've always admired. I love her work. Calder is another person. I am just amazed by what he does with wire work, how he creates these beautiful sculptures and pieces of jewelry. Noguchi was a Japanese artist who did a lot sculptural work, and I love his work as well. It's both famous people and just people in my life that have influenced my work. Yeah, okay. And can you talk more about “Creative Zen”? I thought that was really interesting. (Laughs) Thank you. So for me, when I am working, there's a zone, that creative zone where you get into this space where time doesn't exist. And it's almost like mediating. You just get in this space of not thinking and not worrying, or anything. And you're just working. And it's the coolest experience, because you're really letting your inner voice and your inner spirit guide you on your design and what you're creating. And so it becomes part of you that comes out, because you're not thinking, you're not judging. That little inner critic voice, that comes out and says “Don't do this. Don't do that.” It's really getting into this flow and letting it happen. And it is so fun. When I get into that zone, and I start working, it could be eight hours, and it feels like ten minutes. It's such a fun place. And that's what I call my creative genius, because it's really you're just flowing and working and things come out that you never dreamed would come out, because you're not thinking about the outcome. You're just letting it happen. Right, yeah. Oh, I love that. How about on the flip side? What do you do when you don't feel as inspired? Which is a lot! (Laughs) You know, I will say, it is really hard to get into that zen zone. So when I'm not in that zone, and I'm trying to create, it's really, really hard, because it's like forcing something to happen. So to get back into that zone, or to try to feel into that again, I'll do a lot of walking. Just going out and walking, and letting my mind go. And I also do a lot of meditation, and that helps as well, because you're getting into that non-thinking, letting things go, kind of state. And yoga also is another powerful tool for me when I'm stuck creatively. Just moving that energy in my body to get back into that creative space, is basically what I'm trying to do. Whether with the walking, the yoga, or the meditation. Yeah, yeah. Getting out of your head and back into your body. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. How about your talisman pieces? Can you talk about those? Those were really cool, on your website. Thank you! That has become my most personal part of my collections. And it really was kind of a thing that just happened. I was going through a lot of major life changes, like most of us in our forties and fifties—life just changes. And so I needed something to help me through a big change, and I didn't know how else to do it. I was kind of at a loss. I just knew I needed something that I could hold close to me, that I could hang on to, to help me manifest my stability and my life, moving forward. So I decided to just make a piece. I wanted it to be artistic, and sculptural, and something that had a lot of meaning to me. And I didn't want it to be literal. So the first one I created was “Hope”. Because to me, if you don't have hope, you… There's nothing left in your world, right? You need hope to get you through the bad times. So I created the Hope talisman, it's got a little spinel in it—spinel represents hope. And I created it and I just started wearing it, and women responded to it. They liked it, commented on it. So I started designing more pieces, not only for them but also for me. Each one has a different meaning: strength, healing, reflection, compassion, wisdom… Each one has a different meaning, and it's like a little piece of art. And you can collect them, and put them together to help you manifest what you're working on at that particular moment, or that particular month, or time in your life. And the feedback has been great. I've gotten amazing messages back from my customers on how they were able to mark their journey and their life at that particular time with the talisman, or how it's helped them stay focused on meeting a goal that they were trying to bring into their life. So it's been really fun. I create maybe four of them a year, and each one is different. So it's an evolving process. It's fun for me, as well as for the customers, to collect them, and come up with new inspirations for their life. Yeah. Do you often do custom things for customers? In terms of the talismans, or just in general? I guess both! Maybe start with the talismans, and then in general. Okay. I haven't done a custom talisman, only because it takes a lot of time and energy to create one concept. So to do a one-off would not probably be too cost-effective. But I have done a lot of custom work in terms of personal jewelry. And how that usually works is I will take someone's old heirloom gems, and rework them into something new. And that's really rewarding for both of us—me and the customer. Jewelry is such… It travels through families, it becomes an heirloom. And it holds so much energy and meaning, to the person it's coming from, and who it's given to. But sometimes, the style isn't your style any longer, but you still want to hold that piece in your life, in your jewelry box. So I work with my clients in taking those old pieces and reworking them and fitting it into the look of what they will wear. Then they can pass it on to their children, or somebody that has meaning in their life that they want to share it with. So the gem will continue through the generations, and carry on. When we rework it, the iteration of it changes to fit that person's life at that current time. That's what's so cool about jewelry. It's an heirloom. I have a couple pieces from my grandmothers that are from the 1920's. They've gone through my mother's lifetime, and now my lifetime, and it will probably go to my son as well, and his children. So it's really cool to have your jewelry go on and live on beyond your lifetime. Yeah! I wanted to ask more specifically, if you wanted to talk about, which specific pieces are in your family? Yeah, I have three pieces that I really cherish. One is the engagement ring from my grandmother. It's a platinum vintage set ring, and I just love it. It's got this really delicate setting on it. It's not something that I would ever particularly wear, but I love it so much because it's from her, and she gave it to me before she passed away. And then my other grandmother gave me this really cool fresh water pearl vintage piece, also kind of in the same era… Probably early 40's, and it has that vintage look as well. And it's so beautiful, and I love wearing it. But I only wear it around the house, because I would be devastated if I wore it and I lost it. So I always wear that around the house. The third piece I love is this enamel pin that has a road runner on it that my father gave me. He never really ever bought me jewelry except for this piece, and one other. So I've had these since I was maybe thirteen or fourteen. I've just kept them in my jewelry box. It's so special that my father bought them for me, and I just cherish them. And he's no longer with us, so it's something that I hold and when I look at them, it brings back very fond memories. That's the power of jewelry! The energy of someone giving it to you, you remember when they gave it to you, and the meaning that it has in your life. Yeah. Maybe along the lines of losing your dad… What are some of the greatest challenges you've had in your life—whether in your business or just in general? Well… Obviously losing my dad was very hard, I was very young. Well not super young. I was twenty-eight. At the time, maybe you don't feel that young. But looking back I was very young. And the hardest thing is that he didn't get to see me grow up as an adult. He only knew me as a kid, really. He didn't get to see me progress in my career, and have a family, and all those kinds of things. More recently, I got divorced. That was really challenging. Trying to start my life again, and make sense of who I am and what I wanna do in the rest of the second half of my life, has been a big challenge. And then of course, having a business—owning and running a business is very challenging, yet very rewarding. I've learned so much about myself, about who I am, what I'm good at, what I'm not good at. And how to make decisions, learn from my mistakes. I've made lots of mistakes… I think one of the best things I've learned about having a business is surrounding myself with people who are smarter than me, that help me, teach me how to do things better. Because you can't do everything by yourself—you really need to have a team. And choosing that team has been really fun. I've met some amazing people, made some incredible relationships that have transformed not only me personally but also my business. So that's been really fun. Yeah. Awesome. Thank you so much for sharing all of that. How about some of your greatest successes? Some of my greatest successes… I think one of the biggest things I'm really proud of is taking my business from having no online sales a few years ago, to now generating almost all of my revenue through online sales. So that's been a long journey, a hard journey. But it's been so rewarding to know that if you just put your head down, and take baby steps, and figure out what works and what doesn't work… Just keep tweaking and staying with it, and having that resolve to do something. You can make it happen. So that's probably my biggest accomplishment, I would say. Okay, and how do you define success? Oh gosh… I think success is multifaceted. Of course, from a business standpoint, success is, you know, financial. Do I reach my goals? Have I made a profit? Those kinds of metrics. But I think for me also, what is most important is, how do I feel at the end of the day about what I'm doing? And am I living up to my values? Am I living up to my vision? And those are two really big metrics for me in terms of success and how I run my business. So they go kind of hand-in-hand, right? I couldn't be successful if I didn't make money–because then it would be a hobby. And then how do I run the business financially to make money but also still hold those values? Right. And if you're willing to share, what are some of those values? So for me, one of the biggest things that I strive to do with my business is to be a company that values their customers, and to be easy to work with. We work very hard at customer service. And to make sure that our customers feel heard and seen by us, and that we treat them with the utmost respect. Because when I go and shop at a company or business, I always want to feel like they care about me. And that's what we really try to do—care for our customers, and hear what they have to say, and make sure that our brand exceeds their expectations. That's one of the most important things for our values as a company. Yeah, that makes sense! Can you talk about the trade show you went to recently? Yeah, I went to a trade show in New York, and that was super fun! I had been doing wholesale about four or five years ago, and then just took a break from it. And I decided to re-look at this, and try it again. The energy was so great—I had such a good time going there. I think now that it's… Sort of post-pandemic? I don't know if you can say it's post-pandemic. But now that the world is opening up again, it was really fun to see old wholesale customers who I hadn't seen in four years. And also meet a whole bunch of new people. And the energy of the show was so fabulous. People were excited, they were interested. Lots of really good questions. And just being in a collective energy was really wonderful. And this was a gift show, so there were people with all different kinds of products, it wasn't just jewelry. It was a lot of home goods, personal care—makeup, skin care—and then there was also clothing there. It was really fun to be around so many creative energies, as well as buyers from all different kinds of stores. So I had a great time! All right, we're wrapping it up. Do you have any plans for the future? Anything exciting in store? Yeah! I am working on some new things and I can't wait to reveal. And so we're gonna be launching some stuff in… Summer. So we're not gonna spill the beans yet, so you'll have to follow me on social media or check me out on the website. We're also doing a little… We've already created some lifestyle products—bowls and trays, for the home. We're gonna be expanding that portion of the collection as well. That's been really fun, and we've gotten a lot of good feedback from our customers. Nice! Sounds pretty exciting! Yeah! Thank you. Yeah, is there anything else you'd like to share before we wrap up? I am just so thankful that you reached out. It's been great to come and chat with you and share my story, so I really appreciate it. And yeah, thank you for your time! Yeah, this has been really great. Thank you so much!

Thanks for tuning in to the next episode of the Wise Not Withered Podcast! It's Episode 14 of Season 3. The key points of this episode are as follows: - Things take time! - Waiting for circumstances to be "ideal" before beginning - Generational beliefs -> humanizing parents - Becoming comfortable with unknowns

Happy New Year! Welcome to another episode of the Wise Not Withered Podcast! It's still Season 3, and this is Episode 13. Today's key points are as follows: - Normalize changing your mind - allow new perspectives that resonate to change your beliefs and behaviors - What does it mean to "feel old"? - Holding myself accountable by talking about plans to do more interviews this year :)

  Thanks for tuning in to Episode 12 of Season 3 of the Wise Not Withered Podcast! This one is truly a free-form episode, with lots of twists and turns! Here are some of the key points that I talk about: Recognize humanity within ourselves and each other Cycles of consumption, integration, and creation Every single person you encounter knows something that you don't Happy Holidays, Happy New Year, and see you again in 2023! :)

Thanks for tuning in to another episode of the Wise Not Withered Podcast! This month's episode is a mini character showcase, from games and cartoons that I like, and a bonus impromptu tidbit from me about authentic character creation! The characters I talked about were as follows: 1. Ana (Overwatch) 2. Nanefua (Steven Universe) 3. Katara (Legend of Korra) 4. Madame Razz (She-Ra) 5. Professor Magnolia (Pokémon Sword & Shield)

Welcome to Episode 10 of Season 3 of the Wise Not Withered Podcast! Today's episode may be slightly controversial—if you have strong opinions about anything brought up in this episode, feel free to contact me! I'd encourage you to examine your own reaction first though :) The key points are as follows: 1. Diastasis recti - and other conditions that can radically alter bodies, especially during/after pregnancy 2. Brief thoughts on masculinity, femininity, relationship dynamics/polarity 3. Non-binary—what role gender plays in this project 4. Diversity - trying to please everyone vs. keeping it narrow and specific 5. Goal is to see more of something we haven't seen a lot of—NOT to exclude or shame anyone (no way that can be perfect and 100% without personal bias)

Thanks for tuning in to this month's episode of the Wise Not Withered Podcast! Today's five key points are as follows: Boundaries and maturity, especially when meeting new people; let things come up and unfold naturally Hearing aid game mechanic 6 months to travel with a terminal diagnosis —> makes sense or no??? Dancer story was gonna be a murder mystery High school Algebra teacher commenting on a young hockey player

Thanks for tuning in to another episode of Season 3 of the Wise Not Withered Podcast. Season 3 focuses on behind-the-scenes happenings and musings. The 5 key points this month are as follows: Strange for a young woman to be doing a project focused on older women? Many people have thought so! Characters that still need a writer or illustrator: Candace - illustrator Tala - writer Elizaveta - illustrator Blind Assassin - both writer & illustrator Cultural belonging - being biracial and my experience sharing that with writers and illustrators; getting triggered by one writer that felt super connected to her own heritage Respectfully letting people down; my thoughts on apologizing A little painful and I feel resistance in looking through emails I sent over the years; feelings of shame coming up in messages never answered; my thoughts on ghosting

Thanks for tuning in to this month's episode of the Wise Not Withered Podcast, where I continue to talk about more behind-the-scenes ideas in this giant project. The 5 key points are as follows: Insane to-do lists What Season 2 might have been My own voice and growth - hiding behind insincerity, something I've been self-conscious of for a while Meditative Age Exercise - envision yourself from ages 1 - 100 Revisit Basira - read the first few pages of her story Listen to this episode on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or Podbean!

Thanks for tuning in to this month's episode of the Wise Not Withered Podcast! Episode 5 of Season 3 is here, where I continue my deep dive into the process of creating Wise Not Withered, being open and vulnerable with my experiences. Today's 5 key points are as follows: Project Management Time zone differences; must be soooooo clear when planning real-time meetings!! People come, people go Patience... I check in, contribute, trust, and let go Waking up to an illustrator's feedback; my inner little girl's triggered reaction Listen to this episode on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or Podbean!

Welcome to the Wise Not Withered Podcast! It's Episode 4 of Season 3, where I dive into behind-the-scenes stories and experiences that I've been through over the last four years since starting this project in earnest. The five key points of today's episode are as follows: Accidentally thought a male artist was a woman...! Learning, growing — being right where you are in your life Painful conflict with a potential writer Feeling discouraged — focus on what's going WELL "Just Trust" Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Podbean!

Welcome to Season 3 of the Wise Not Withered Podcast! It's Episode 3, and here are my five key points for today: Entertainment Lawyers THE CONTRACT!! The first 10 episodes: interviews with wise women from my own life Originally 12-15 characters until I realized I NEEDED MOOOORE!! Mentoring teenagers Listen to the entire episode on Podbean, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify!

Welcome to Season 3, Episode 2 of the Wise Not Withered Podcast! There are five key points today. The summary is as follows: Character idea that ended up getting scrapped/merged. 86-year-old musician (guitarist, singer-songwriter, composer) who tours for six months with husband who is terminally ill and eventually passes - my own ideas and open-ended thoughts about death Podcast theme music - first draft, but who cares? Musical influences from various corners of the world Cold emails - my original spiel (which did change a bit over time) The beauty and magic in asking and being asked questions - shows interest and enthusiasm, and inspires a clearer vision on the creative's side Zoom/Skype/FaceTime calls, "Friendly Interviews" - what does it mean to build a community? Spoiler: I am actually asking, because I don't know the answer myself

It's Season 3 of the Wise Not Withered Podcast! This season is a personal challenge for myself, while also an opportunity for me to open up about all of the experiences I've gone through over the last three and a half years since beginning this project in earnest. Instead of reading from a script as I have done in the past twenty-five episodes, I will be writing five key points and riffing on those in a free-form talking style. The key points for today's episode are as follows: Love over fear Hundreds of cold emails Scouring Behance and Instagram for art and poems Many self-pep talks Plan things, but be open to challenges and keep pushing forward

Hello and welcome to Week 25 of the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! Today I am thrilled to present the LAST character of the project: Cassika, our 86-year-old Mermaid Queen!! Cassika's writer is Jumleni, from New York, and her illustrator is Marina, from Egypt! I found Jumleni on Instagram, while searching for some kind of hashtags about poetry. Her words grabbed at me and I was so excited when she responded positively to my cold DM inviting her onto the project. And Marina was one of the very first people I recruited onto the project, after finding her on UpWork! It's very fitting that both of these artists' names are Marina (the illustrator's first name and the writer's middle name), and they both gravitated toward the Mermaid Queen character. I'm not sure how I thought of the name Cassika, but it came to me somehow, and it stuck! Cassika's story's plot came to me all at once one night. I had been sending emails back and forth with the illustrator Marina, trying to come up with some ideas, and this whole thing just poured out of me. Read the full transcript of this episode on wisenotwithered.com!

Welcome to Week 24 of the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! This week I am happy to introduce Farah, our 45-year-old Super-Mom! Farah is a school teacher, and a struggling widowed mother of two, dealing with depression and insomnia. I thought it would be interesting for Farah's superpowers to develop in her middle age, rather than in her teen years or twenties—again, we are trying to break the mold of a woman's “prime” being only in her child-rearing years. Many of the amazing wise women in this project are purposely childless; I thought it was of utmost importance to show that bearing children is not a goal for every single woman, and it is also not the “ultimate” goal for a woman, as though having a child is where her added value to society ends. That said, it was also important to me to include many mothers and mother figures in this project, since so many real women are mothers, and being a mother is an irrevocable identity that many women take pride and joy in. And to add in some more diversity, which is one of the more subtle yet extremely important aspects of this project, we decided that Farah would be a widow, forced by circumstance to raise her children on her own. Farah's writer is Tilyan, who was born and raised in Kenya, and identifies culturally as Persian, specifically Balouch. Farah's illustrator is Stef, who is German. I found both of these artists on Instagram, where Tilyan had posted some beautiful poetry and Stef has some amazing character illustrations. Read the rest of this showcase's transcript on wisenotwithered.com!

Hello and welcome to Week 23 of the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! This week we are introducing Beatrice, our 45-year-old Singing Therapist! The writer for this character, Agatha, was actually the only one to reach out to me to join the project, which was pretty interesting from a creator's standpoint. I haven't done much at all in terms of promotion, so it was cool that someone somehow found out about the project and reached out. Beatrice's character development was, as I mentioned in last week's episode, a joint effort by Agatha and me. My initial idea was to have a therapist character deal with some sort of intense grief in her own life, and struggle with a few relationships (yes, very intentionally vague). Agatha added in the aspect of music—specifically singing—as a way that Beatrice both copes with and finds her own voice, strength, and new perspective amidst the chaos of a distressing job and dissolving marriage. Read the full transcription here: https://wisenotwithered.com/2021/12/13/singing-therapist-beatrice/

Welcome to Week 22 of the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! Today I'm excited to present Kaya Ray, our 50-year-old Independent Nurse! Kaya Ray is actually one of just three characters in the Wise Not Withered project whose concept I did not originally come up with myself—two others are amalgamations of the writer's and my ideas (Tsalo-Sesha from Week 7, and the Singing Therapist, who is yet to come), but Kaya Ray's concept and story is not mine to claim. Read the full transcription here: https://wisenotwithered.com/2021/12/01/independent-nurse-kaya-ray/

  Welcome to Week 21 of the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! This week I'm thrilled to present Valeria, our 56-year-old Apocalyptic CEO! Valeria is the chief executive officer of a tech company, and finds herself in the middle of a mysterious apocalyptic situation. Her story is most definitely one that is suited for a video game; one of the very first ideas I had with this character is that it would be an unconventional top-down kind of progression. Her office as the CEO would be on the top floor, and she would have to make her way down the building to progress through the game/story.   My original description of Valeria's story was the following: Apocalyptic stealth horror comedy! Top-down gameplay: start on the top floor and work your way down to the bottom floor, gathering supplies and teammates on the way, saving various male executives.   Read the full transcription on wisenotwithered.com!

Welcome to Week 20 of the Wise Not Withered character showcase!! Today I am ecstatic to present Rabiya, our 47-year-old Tactician Queen! This character and story has so much depth and so much potential. Her original idea is based around one of my favorite video game series, Fire Emblem, where the character/player is often the tactician on the battlefield, commanding and ordering the other units to move certain places and perform different actions. Rabiya's story is one of a few that I think would make such an excellent, engaging, and beautiful video game. The goal of Wise Not Withered as a whole is to expand representation of middle-aged and elderly women in media—though the original idea was purely on video games. I'm happy that I was able to be flexible with different types of media, as some of the stories in this project are great just as short stories. I was honestly getting a bit overwhelmed with how much potential this particular story had (and still has). A part of me wanted to—and actually somewhat did—stop the entire project to focus on Rabiya's story and the potential in her narrative, all the characters, and the possible gameplay mechanics. I realized at one point though that I had told many writers on the team that it was okay if their story was more of an excerpt of a larger narrative, and the main purpose is to showcase the kinds of inspiring and impactful stories that women can have into our middle-aged and elderly years. When I look at the big picture, I remember that there are twenty-five characters that all need some love and need to be presented to the world, no matter how incomplete their stories are thus far. Which is where I will dive into Rabiya's story, and my many ideas! Rabiya has a very particular title, "Tactician Queen". When I first assigned the character to Swelynka (Angolan/Portuguese) and Asra (Indian), I needed to explain what exactly that meant. It is unlike any role I have ever seen before in my admittedly small repertoire knowledge of royalty or war heroes. I envisioned a strong queen who leads council meetings, makes decisions for her people, AND commands the army. While discussing the bare bones of the story and characters with Swelynka and Asra at the beginning, we decided that the Kingdom of Kasheer would be a matriarchal society: power would be held by women and passed down through women. Magic powers awakened naturally only in females. As I mentioned at the beginning, Rabiya's story and combat ideas are heavily influenced by Fire Emblem. I think her story would make such a great tactical RPG, one that I would love to play! When deciding what weapon Rabiya should have, we at first figured a staff or scepter would be suitable. Part of the story includes searching for a magical gemstone that would fuse into her weapon, and a scepter seemed like a good fit. While the development carried on though, I thought specifically about her role as a tactician and warrior, and I realized that a scepter would be capable of only short-range attacks. One of the key combat features in Fire Emblem is this exact thing: nearly all of the characters can attack from either one square away, or two (there are rare cases of three-square away attacks, or even four or more, but again those are rare). One-square-away warriors include regular sword-wielders, lance-bearers, and axe-carriers, while two-square-away warriors are archers. Mages are special since they can attack from both one and two squares away from their target, making them more versatile in that way. Especially in the latest Fire Emblem game, Three Houses, there are even more possibilities of long and short-range attacks with the introduction of new abilities and combat arts, and in that one and other games there are also long-range swords, lances, and axes. But for those of you that either do not play Fire Emblem or do not care about Fire Emblem, we'll save that discussion for another day! Our illustrator Swelynka was extremely involved in the creation of the story and characters. She had the brilliant idea that our warriors of the kingdom of Kasheer would fight atop mammoths. She made a gorgeous sketch of Rabiya sitting on one of the giant beasts, and I realized that Rabiya would most ideally be able to give orders and attack from a distance. Thus, the scepterang was born!! We kept the original idea of her scepter but combined it with the movement potential of a boomerang. Here's the sketch, with an excerpt of the story, one of the combat scenes: “Stop!” Rabiya commanded from atop her mammoth, “Leave her alone, or prepare to fight!” The bandits all looked up at Rabiya with their eyes narrowed, then rushed forward with their daggers drawn. “Everyone get down!” Rabiya yelled as she threw her scepterang forward, knocking down the two bandits closest to the woman and the baby. “Soldiers, spread out and protect the villagers, and lead them to safety!” Rabiya shouted as her weapon flew in a circle and landed back in her grasp, “Lueji and Ghaziyan, neutralize as many bandits as you can! And Aryan, climb aboard and stay close to me. Arrows ready, son!” Aryan swiftly climbed Rabiya's mammoth and sat behind her, drawing an arrow and staying alert. Red Tribe civilians had started running around frantically, screaming and crying. Rabiya's soldiers jumped off of their mammoths and rounded up the Tribespeople, urgently pushing them safely into their huts. The bandits darted around the tribe, trying to steal personal ornaments from people who had not yet been fast enough to hide. “Aryan, there! Aim for his feet!” Rabiya pointed to a bandit approaching an old man who was clutching a gold-plated cane. Aryan nodded, aiming then releasing an arrow that pierced the bandit's ankle—the scoundrel fell to the ground, howling in pain. The first Fire Emblem game I played was Fates, back when it came out in 2016. I was intrigued by the gameplay, support conversations, and dramatic story. Since that game (or I should say, three games if you include Birthright, Conquest, and Revelation), I have played all the way through seven other Fire Emblem titles. Two things that stood out to me that each game had were the lovable characters and crazy intense storylines. Since it is a tactical RPG, it makes sense that each story takes place during a time of war, which automatically means lots of loss and suffering. I myself am not a fan of the horror genre in general, but I wanted to include super raw and emotional parts in Rabiya's story. The following scene started out as the introduction, but later was moved to a different section. "A throbbing pain in Rabiya's head slowly brought her back to what seemed like consciousness. Trying to open her eyes and grabbing her head on one side, Rabiya could feel the pain in her back as well, and her legs felt heavy and sore. All around her lay tattered limbs and headless bodies, armor in pieces and shields cracked on the ground beside shattered swords and splintered spears. Dozens of arrows burrowed indiscriminately into soil and flesh alike. The snow beneath her feet was splattered and painted a deep crimson with splashes of bright red and dark brown. As she began to recognize the soldiers around her, their blank stares and blood dripping down their chins sent a deep sorrow clenching in her gut. She remembered the scene so vividly..." A huge part of Rabiya's story and character development is her experience witnessing her father being murdered by her uncle, and subsequently her uncle being murdered by her mother. This traumatic series of events happens when she is a young child, and seeing magic being used in such a destructive way impacts her so strongly that her own magic abilities do not develop when they are supposed to. She carries a lot of shame and frustration around that, but throughout the story she is able to work through her trauma blocks and eventually gain control over her magical powers. Near the beginning of the story, back to the present when she is already a grown adult, Rabiya ends up losing her mother as well. Since the death of my own mother last February, I've been working with a life coach, a therapist, talking through my thoughts and feelings with friends and family, and have journaled almost every single day. I wanted to incorporate parts of my own healing journey into Rabiya's. I wanted to include the sentiment that no matter how much you prepare, you're never truly, fully ready to deal with your mother's death. One of the hardest things I came to terms with as my mother was dying was that even though I wished it had happened later rather than sooner, it is the natural order of things for a mother to die and leave her daughter behind—the alternative would be for the daughter to die first, which is not supposed to happen. I also wanted and am continuing to work toward stepping away from the concept of my mother "leaving" me. No one's mother intentionally dies to leave her daughter behind, although it can certainly feel that way sometimes. There were still many, many things I wanted to learn from my mother, and the pain of never knowing or learning those things I imagine will dissipate with time but never fully go away. And Rabiya is experiencing that, too. As the new Queen, Rabiya is learning to rule the people (with her husband, children, and council too) in addition to facing her trauma and dormant magic abilities head-on. She is not completely inexperienced though, as she has been the army's tactician for many years already. I wanted to create a character that is strong, brave, and has been through many of life's challenges already, but someone who still has a lot to learn and still has many hardships ahead of her. No matter how old we are, I believe that there is always more to see and experience, more to teach, and more to learn. I have absolutely fallen in love with the Tactician Queen Rabiya's family. She is closest with her husband Lueji,daughter Kalemba, son Aryan, and head advisor Ghaziyan. Her advisor was also her mother Queen Amara's advisor, and since the death of her own father from a young age, Ghaziyan became somewhat of a father figure to her. Each person has a different weapon of choice. As mentioned before, Rabiya has a scepterang (scepter + boomerang). Lueji fights with dual axes but is also adept at unarmed, bare-handed combat. Aryan is a skilled archer and weapon-smith. Kalemba has awakened her magic powers and uses bangles to enhance her healing abilities. Ghaziyan is your well-rounded soldier, capable of fighting with lances, swords, and axes. As for the main antagonist of the story, enter stage left: Dajjal, the dark sorcerer. I mentioned near the beginning that magic powers awaken naturally only in females. Dajjal is one of very few males who have acquired magical abilities by sinister means. It was important to me that though Dajjal is an evil male, we also included many other male characters who support Rabiya. Even though it is a matriarchal society, and the only ones who are supposed to be able to use magic are women, men are not seen as lesser beings or inferior at all. All right, that's enough from me. Now here is Asra, introducing herself and talking a bit about her participation in the project: "Hello everyone My name is Asra Azad. I am a mother, an engineer, a teacher , an entrepreneur and have a passion for writing. I come from a place which is mostly in breaking news and it's all about fight, protests, blood, debates and discussions.  But this place is much more than a breaking news. From the land of fragrances of beautiful gardens, the smell of saffron; from the sweet baked dry fruit cakes to the home made bread; from the snow caped mountains to the fresh water lakes; it is a place you call paradise on earth and I call it home. It is Kashmir! Such a poignant beauty would make anyone a poet and I am no exception! I would pen down my feelings and maintained a diary when I was a child but was not an ardent writer. As I grew up I found writing very therapeutic and it became a passion. And recently I have been writing poems  and in a middle of compiling a book of my own in sha allah. I would like to read out to you guys one of my favourite poems which I wrote long back and it's called “The Clown”: THE CLOWN  Everyone is a clown, Some are sad and some happy, with the hair curly and brown. The children uptown, Frolicking in their fairy little gowns, With the faces round and lown. What you need to know is at the end you are a clown. With ups and downs, you get the smiles and the frown, It's up to you what you choose my dear, the happy bright faces or the ugly scowl. Nobody wants a breakdown. Life is a ship, hey you there, listen to me and slow down. It's up to you how you drive it as nobody wants to drown. Wear your big red noses, the real humor, the broad smile and the gown. The name of the person, place, animal, and thing is the noun, And certainly everyone wants to be a happy clown! I am quite inspired by Jk Rowling's harry potter movies and books and when Juliana first sent me the outline of tactician queen I wasn't sure how the story would go and after several discussions with Juliana and Swelynka who is the illustrator of this story, it ended up into a magical fictional plot depicting so many emotions and power. Queen Rabiya in this story is depicting a bold and beautiful woman who is a military strategist, a Queen of a kingdom , a proud daughter, a loving mother , a supportive wife and a constant hope for the people of her kingdom despite going through so much tragic in her life. The name Kasheer in the story is the kingdoms name and it is the other name for Kashmir -my hometown. We have also incorporated traditional kashmiri attire for Rabiya in few illustrations! The character Rabiya showcases every woman of Kashmir and the world who has been struggling a lot but at the same time being a source of power and happiness for the family.  She is not weak, she is a woman! She is wise and not withered! Joining wise not Withered project I must say was a very wise decision as the name itself is so powerful and full of enthusiasm. And it's about us the women. It was quite fascinating working in a team of global writers and illustrators. We got to learn a lot from each other Alhmdulilah. For all the women out there listen to your hear, listen to your inner self it says something and that's Creative. Don't keep it there bring it out, step it up and rise! Thank you so much!" And now, here is Swelynka! "Hello! I'm Swelynka, better known as swelynkartist on social media, and I'm an illustrator. I am both Angolan and Portuguese. Technically, I've been an artist since my early teens, but I've only accepted myself as such a couple years ago. I started out as a pencil artist and for ten years, it was all I did. Then I started using more colors, and more materials, and became a watercolor artist, again for a few years. Nowadays, even though I still use a lot of watercolors, I use a lot more materials such as acrylics, markers, and other types of ink. To be honest, I am so proud of all my artwork, mostly because every single one of them is a step in my journey to become the artist that I aspire to be. I love painting women of all colors and shapes. In my opinion, they are all so beautiful, and so so special. I really loved working on this project and creating our main character, Queen Rabiya. I had so much fun. When we started coming up with the story around the queen, we immediately thought about mixing African cultures with Kashmiri, and a little bit of the Russian aesthetic. Actually, I've only noticed this right now as I'm talking, but Queen Rabiya reminds me so much of my mother, like she's also dark, short, chubby, and fierce! I joined the Wise Not Withered project because the description made so much sense to me. Even though I'm not really a gamer, I have noticed this same issue of portraying older women as weaker and pretty much as less than other characters, basically everywhere—from advertising to movies and TV shows and more. So the logical move for me would be to join this project and try to help transform the image of the older women into the mighty warriors they already are in real life. What I would say to female creatives is that we are all humans trying our best to follow our dreams, and we do not know everyone's stories. So we should always try to encourage, support, and uplift each other. We are all sisters, not enemies. And together, we can right a lot of wrongs in this world by sharing our creative and unique visions. So... Let's do this!" Queen Rabiya's story means so much to me. I would absolutely love if it one day became a fully-developed book or video game. But that's it for now! Stay tuned for the next character showcase of the Wise Not Withered project!

Welcome to Week 19 of the Wise Not Withered character showcase! This week I’m excited to talk about the Blind Assassin character. Unfortunately she does not have a writer OR illustrator at the moment; both women dropped out, so I have some work to do to find new artists. The original writer for this character had suggested we leave her unnamed, to add some mystery and interest. Now that she is no longer the writer though, I am completely open to naming her. So for now, she is “Unnamed”. I have a lot of ideas about where this story could go. The original idea was that there would be an elderly woman who wakes up in her house with no memory of where or even who she is. She would go around her house and look at various objects that would bring back bits and pieces of her memories. I had this idea a few years ago when I was going through my now-late mother’s house, looking at all our stuff she kept and thinking about how each little thing had a story, from the sea turtle sticky notes we got in Hawaii to the ribbon that wrapped around a bag of Ghirardelli chocolates from San Francisco. While that seemed like an interesting idea at first, I realized that the main purpose of the Wise Not Withered project’s stories was to showcase the adventures that we as women can still have into our middle-age and old-age years. Simply recalling memories and looking into the past would defeat the purpose entirely. There were actually quite a few stories where I needed to remind the writers that flashbacks must be kept to a minimum, and be there if and ONLY if that particular memory was essential to recount because of a present-day event. Of course, creating a solid back story and knowing what happened in the past is crucial, but the focus of the story had to be on her life now as an older woman. So instead of simply sorting through memories, I thought… What if she was blind? And she is going through her house smelling, feeling, hearing various things? But then, how would she have become blind? There was another idea of a World War III veteran that ended up being combined with the Real-Life Mother Nature story; instead of losing her legs in WWIII, the character from that story lost her legs from a plane crash. So I thought it would be interesting to bring back the idea of a war veteran and explore what her life may be like decades later. The story would have two main points of focus: 1) her relationship with her step-daughter, who is also her caretaker, and 2) her connection to music and piano-playing. These two focal points are personal for me. I grew up with three parents; my mom and dad divorced when I was 2 years old, and my dad remarried when I was 6, so my step-mom played just as important a role in raising me as my mom and dad. I think it’s important to show a loving step-parent relationship in media, since a lot of stories talk about the “evil” step-mother. And then of course, the music and piano-playing is personal to me since my career and so much of my daily joy is based around music, and playing piano has always been one of the greatest sources of fulfillment and healing in my life. With the addition of the character being blind, I thought it would be interesting if she was a former assassin. There could be one or two flashbacks that explain how she became blind through what would become her last mission. As with the other stories, I want to keep my own ideas flexible to leave lots of room for the writer and illustrator to incorporate their own cultures and interests into the story too. So maybe she won’t have been an assassin. But I do want her to 1) be blind, 2) have a strong relationship with her step-daughter, and 3) play piano as her main source of joy and grounding. That’s it for this week! Hope you enjoyed reading or hearing my thoughts about this mysterious character. Stay tuned for the next six showcases of Wise Not Withered characters! Stay safe, and please take care of yourself :)

Welcome to Week 18 of the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! This week I am proud to present Ronda, our 58-year-old pirate captain! Her dark, epic story was written by Priyanka from India, and captivating illustrations by Fanny from Mexico. When it came to the Pirate Captain, I really had no idea what I wanted the story or her look to be like. I personally have very little experience with pirate stories and characters—I watched the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie in high school, and... that's it. So I really left her look and her story up to the artists that chose her from the list. Fanny, Ronda's illustrator, got to work right away and was actually the very first illustrator to complete the character's drawings! So Ronda's illustrations are more so snapshots of her personality and lifestyle, rather than directly connected to the story. Fanny was so great to work with; she sent us her sketches, did very well with my alteration requests, and completed the full set of illustrations very, very quickly. She may have been one of the younger artists I recruited for the project, but she worked very maturely and efficiently. https://www.instagram.com/p/BwJDJYOBScu/ Captain Ronda's strengths include her intrepid, bold personality, ability to lead her crew and delegate tasks clearly and effectively. Her main weakness is her peg leg, so she isn't as fast, but she's still strong and purposeful, and excels in close combat. I found Ronda's story writer Priyanka on Instagram, where she goes by "Perifene Rose". I was drawn in by her dark, powerful language and was shocked to find out she was just a teenager. https://www.instagram.com/p/CF8-4DiFl_w/ Priyanka's story for Ronda was exactly what I didn't even realize we needed. I helped out with editing the story but I did my best to keep the integrity of Priyanka's writing. I was just floored by her strong language—not profane, just very striking, bold words. As usual I will include an excerpt of the story at the end of the episode. Ronda's role as captain is just as important as her role as a mother figure to her crew, especially the younger ones. Her team is comprised entirely of her adopted daughters, women whose ages range from 18 to 35. They all have been taken in by Ronda, some rescued from horrendous slave trade. Others were orphans and were in the right place at the right time when Ronda found them. It was important to me to include characters who embraced their wild and adventurous side, while still being loving and nurturing. It can be easy to create female characters that take on typically male characteristics, implying that feminine traits such as softness and flexibility as not as valued. But I really tried to make all of these elderly female characters well-rounded in as many ways as possible. Here is Ronda's illustrator Fanny introducing herself, talking about her career as an artist and her experience being part of the Wise Not Withered project! "Well hi, I'm Diana Estefanía Sanchez, but you can find me on social media as Fanny Sanchez Art. And I'm from Monterrey, Mexico. I start to draw since I was five years old. I always carried a notebook and colors in my bag. I really, really liked to draw Yu-Gi-Oh! cards, Sailor Moon stuff, and other animes. But I start to take it seriously, I think, in high school. Because I studied things related with drawing since junior high school, like technique... I don't know how to translate it. And finally, my career as a graphic designer and animator. Now I can say I'm a digital artist, and I work in an animation studio, making illustrations, creating characters, making motion graphics, and graphic design. For me it's very important to do the best work I could. For Ronda, I made a lot of investigation, searching the clothes, poses, and women her age, because I had no experience designing characters like pirates, or older women. But when I had all these references, I could start making the full body first, then expressions and poses, and finally the illustration with a background. For this final illustration I chose that scene because I thought that she shows all her personality when she was sailing the ship. Well, the brand looks so cool and interesting for me, because I have never worked on a project like this before, with other female artists of different countries. Also I really love the idea of expanding the representation in media of the elderly woman! And I hope when I reach that age, I still have the possibility of working in the creative world, still making characters, or book illustrations, or paintings. And finally, my message for other female artists is that if you do this for a career, it will be difficult. But it is worth it, if it is really your dream. And remember, the continuous practice and learning from your mistakes is very important to becoming a better artist." And now as usual, I will end the episode with an excerpt from Pirate Captain Ronda's dark, epic story, written by Priyanka with edits by yours truly. "On the surface of the forebodingly calm sea, a three-mast ship—the Crimson Maiden—cut through the dark misty waters of the Jaladri Gulf. Soon the entire ship was drowned in murky fog, ominous clouds hanging in the sky above, obscuring the last rays of sunlight. Captain Ronda stood tall on the wooden deck, her rough hands tightening around her sword's hilt. She took a deep breath, inhaling the musky smell of damp wood mixed with the salty air. A chilly gust of wind rifled through her bones, insinuating that a wicked storm was on its way. But that was far from Ronda's concerns: her gaze scanned the gloomy waters before her that she knew housed the most malicious of beasts. She understood that a shortcut through these dark waters could be dangerous, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and her crew's supplies were running low. On either side of Captain Ronda stood Carmen and Jaaga, the eldest and most experienced of her crew, both in their mid-thirties. The women's sharp eyes gazed intently through the thick fog, their breaths coming out short, anticipating the impending doom. They each carried a weapon at their sides, Carmen with a scythe and Jaaga with a lance. The ship rocked suddenly, and Ronda's focused eyes shifted to where Caspia and Cordelia stood toward the front of the ship. The two of them, in their late twenties, had been around long enough to know how Ronda handled intense conflict, but these particular waters were brand new to them. Their gazes swept from side to side, analyzing their surroundings which did not look so promising. With a single, sharp, swift gesture from Ronda, Caspia and Cordelia left their positions with soft steps toward the deck, where Daria and Hama stood ready with four cannons. Although just in their mid-twenties, Daria and Hama could handle the cannons almost as well as Ronda herself. At the wheel of the ship was Maris, the youngest of the crew. Ronda trusted her keen sense of direction and ability to read the stars. A flash of lightning tore through the vast black sky, and instantly thunder boomed overhead. The Crimson Maiden began to sway with a sudden surge of waves, and at that moment a giant serpent—the living death of the sea—reared its head above the water, letting out an ear-piercing roar. Globs of festering saliva spewed from its mouth before it dove across the deck and back into the sea, beginning to coil itself around the ship like a restless predator closing in on its prey. A part of the ship cracked and splintered with the pressure. 'Keep up the speed, Maris! Do not slow down at any cost!' Ronda yelled toward the young Maris, who gripped the wheel tightly, struggling to keep with the waves. 'Caspia and Cordelia, stand on either side of Maris! Jaaga! Carmen! Attack its tail! Do not hold back!' Ronda shouted with zeal and confidence, as it was not her first time fighting these wretched sea snakes. She knew their weakness and she was waiting for the perfect opening. 'Hama! Daria! Ready the cannons! Aim at its face when it resurfaces! Wait for my signal!' Jaaga and Carmen slashed at the serpent's flesh, steadily ripping layers of its thick, coarse skin, preventing it from tightening further around their ship. The beast's tail flung out of the water and smashed right into Caspia—adrenaline surged through her body as she cried out from the shocking impact. Not a second later Cordelia drew her dagger and screamed as she stabbed the serpent's tail before it retreated back into the water. Maris kept her hands steady on the wheel while Caspia and Cordelia locked their arms around her and each other. Ronda sneered as she knew it wouldn't be long before she would stare death straight in the eyes. It had been a while since she had slain living flesh like this, and the image of scarlet in these black waters fired her up. The beast began to hiss, stirring up the water even more, vibrating against the ship, rumbling through the entire crew's skin and bones. Ronda prepared herself, knowing that it was all-or-nothing. One chance is all Ronda would have to claim victory; losing would mean only one thing, and she was not planning for death anytime soon. Right on cue, the monster surfaced at the side of the ship, hissing with fury, its beady eyes filled with rage—and locked right onto Ronda. As soon as it opened its jaws, the captain bellowed: 'FIRE!' Daria tightly gripped and aimed the first cannon with a steady hand, while covering an ear with the other. Hama drew the string and blasted the cannon right at the serpent's face. Working together they swiftly fired one cannon after the other. The cannonballs smashed into the monster's jaws, fragments of teeth and slimy skin raining down on the crew. The explosions left billows of smoke in the sky above them, and though the beast had been stunned momentarily, it suddenly screeched and rushed forward. Ronda dodged the serpent's bite, prancing like a tiger, her peg leg supporting her sideways lunge. She swiftly stabbed the beast's neck, and Carmen and Jaaga quickly followed suit, faithfully protecting their captain with their lives, pinning the monster down. Ronda ripped her sword out of the monster's neck and dealt the final blow, driving her sharp blade right into the beast's eye. The serpent shrieked in agony, unraveling its coiled tail around the ship, wildly thrashing about. The scythe and spear that had pinned it down were flung overboard as the serpent withdrew back to the depths of the black sea. The dark clouds parted and blue sky was revealed once again, as the serpent itself had brought the storm, which it now took deep into the sea with it." That's it for this week! Hope you enjoyed learning a bit about Ronda, the pirate captain! Stay tuned for the next showcases of the Wise Not Withered characters.

Hello and welcome to Week 17 of the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! This week I'm excited to present Elizaveta (Liza), our 64-year-old Pop Star CEO! This character's story was written by a Russian writer, and so she herself is Russian as well. The illustrator I originally had do the drawings of Elizaveta unfortunately disappeared, so we will have to use our imaginations until I find a new illustrator. It was important to me to have a pop star in the Wise not Withered project: not only a woman who is still going strong in her career, but also a woman who has climbed the ranks and risen to the top and now owns the company and runs the entire business. The writer for this character, Anna, did such a fantastic job of adding in details about Elizaveta's daily life that I definitely could not have come up with on my own. I found Anna on Instagram while searching with a hashtag that was something along the lines of "kpop writer" or "kpop blogger". When I was searching for the writer for this story, I wanted that woman to have a solid background and interest in the music industry, so she could write a convincing story. I was immediately drawn to Anna's page, with posts promoting self-love and a generally warm and positive vibe. https://www.instagram.com/p/CBYLLl3H0QE/ Anna's story that she wrote for Elizaveta, titled "The Woman With Wings", is not just about her life as a performer and businesswoman; there are also strong themes of reconnection and second chances. In the beginning of the story, Liza advises a newcomer artist that she must work together with her bandmates rather than steal the show herself. After this pep talk, Liza reflects on her younger days as a band leader and realizes that she did exactly what she was advising the younger singer not to do. She then tries to reconnect with her former bandmates, showing that it's never to late to learn from and make amends for your mistakes, even if it takes decades to realize them. The second half of the story focuses on Liza's performance at a special commemorative anniversary concert where she met a man who was at the time the love of her life. Family disapproval (basically racism) led to the couple's breakup, and Liza is hopeful that her old flame will show up at this special concert. In addition to being a strong authority figure and business owner, Elizaveta's close relationships to her sister and niece are also shown in the story, where Anna wrote about Liza going to get a custom dress made for her performance. In all of the Wise Not Withered stories, it was important for each character to be well-rounded, not only in personality but also in lifestyle and relationships. In a society where women's romantic relationships seem to take priority over relationships with themselves and others, it was really important for me to build a solid community around each character. I think that romance is exciting to read about because it's unpredictable, and you're really never sure exactly what's going to happen. That air of mystery is very enticing and thrilling to read and experience. But it's not a sustainable source of love and happiness, and real, true love and friendship comes from a place of solidity and there actually isn't all that much mystery on a day-to-day basis. There's a level of dependence and trust that replaces the uncertainty, and while there are still conflicts, it is such a beautiful thing to have deep, loving bonds with people. Elizaveta's story does include some romance, though just like the others that do, it is not the primary focus. The story is called "The Woman With Wings" because that's the name of her new song, but it also represents Elizaveta as a character and a person. She chooses to not be tied down by the mistakes of her past, and chooses to learn from her experiences and grow. When I find the illustrator for Elizaveta, I want to make sure she has GLASSES! Aside from my regret of not having enough LGBTQ+ characters in this project, I also didn't remember to put enough of them in glasses. I myself wear glasses, my mom wore glasses, so do many other people in my family, especially older folks. As I've done in previous showcases, I'll end this one with an excerpt from Elizaveta's story: "Not for the first time, Elizaveta was glad she had remembered to bring her sunglasses and hat, though she still often got recognized. It’s not that she minded the attention; she just didn’t have the time or energy for idle chit-chat with strangers more than once or twice a week. Between directing music videos, sitting in on recording sessions, and counselling her staff and beginner performers on a daily basis, she needed a few minutes to herself every day, where she could sip her cappuccino in peace and feel the chilly breeze on her face while sitting on the benches outside her office building. There was nothing special about that day - meeting with sponsors, a couple of business calls and the final rehearsal of the new girl band The Lilia, whose debut was scheduled for the following week. Elizaveta confidently entered the office building and took the elevator to the seventh floor, where her own cabinet and the huge meeting room resided. She still remembered how hard she worked to get a whole building that was now proudly marked with the neon sign with her name on it, 'Elizaveta Sokolova'. Through the elevator glass she saw vivid life at the office: young celebrities and backup dancers were practicing their performance pieces in large studios, singers were taking vocal lessons in well-insulated booths, managers were answering calls and e-mails trying to organize meetings and interviews for her actors and musicians, fashion designers were making mood-boards with the most modern ideas for future shows. As a creator of all of this she was very proud and grateful for such a hard-working and loyal team." — That's all for now! Stay tuned for the next episode of the Wise Not Withered character showcase!

Hello and welcome to Week 16 of the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! I'm thrilled to present Nardeen, our 75-year-old Herb-Tracking Navigator! This character was actually the very first one I came up with, and I'm so very happy with how she and the other characters turned out in her story. The writers for this story were Heba, from Palestine, and me. Nardeen's wonderful, detailed illustrations were done by Natalia, from Argentina.Now, what is an "herb-tracking navigator", you ask?? I'm not sure exactly how I came up with this concept. I had a vision of an elderly woman that has a rare magical ability of diagnosing an illness, and identifying and tracking the right herbs to cure it. Not necessarily a past or future setting, Nardeen's world is one lacking in technology, but abundant with plants and herbs, animals (particularly goats), and supernatural elements like magic and spirits.Nardeen's story, titled "Generational Forbearance", was a collaborative effort between Heba and me. The story begins with some tender moments between Nardeen and other villagers, including her grand-daughter, Amira. The story focuses on the relationship between the two of them; Nardeen and Amira both have the "sacred herb-tracking sense".The woman of the generation in between them—Nardeen's daughter/Amira's mother—is named Aliana, and she does not have the herb-tracking ability. This creates some tension in Aliana's relationships with both Nardeen and Amira. In addition, Aliana's husband/Amira's father had passed away years prior to the story, from a tick infestation—even though it was not Nardeen's fault, Aliana still harbors some resentment toward her mother, the esteemed village apothecary, for not being able to save him.A mysterious plague afflicts many villagers in the story, and Aliana is one of them. She ends up passing away, still visibly angry with her mother and never letting go and forgiving her. The title is "Generational Forbearance" because one of the main themes in the story is forgiveness (or lack thereof) of parents. We see in Aliana that she never forgave Nardeen for things that ultimately were not Nardeen's responsibility (Aliana's lack of magical abilities and her husband's death). I wanted to provide this tragic example to show how very sad but very real it is that some people die without ever forgiving people they feel have wronged them in some way. I think resentment toward one's family, particularly parents, is probably pretty common across all cultures. It's really up to each of us to recognize that our parents did their best, and the mistakes they made are ultimately our responsibility to come to terms with, especially if our parents are no longer alive to discuss deeper matters.The main themes in the story are pretty deep and raw, not unlike those of other Wise Not Withered stories, and they resonate especially for me in this time of my life. I was hesitant to post this episode and have been taking a while to write it because I realized that there was no way I could not talk about my own mother, and how her recent passing ties in so closely with this story.My mother passed away from lung cancer in the end of February, and it was an earth-shattering experience, to say the least. I guess I shouldn't say "was", because it still is affecting me nearly every moment of every day. When I first wrote Nardeen's story, I tried to write about what it might be like to experience the death of a loved one, and now that I actually have experienced it myself, I have two reactions to what I wrote. First, I'm surprised that some of the things I wrote about were absolutely spot on to what I am feeling now. Second, there were a few instances where I thought what I wrote may be a bit too dramatic, but after having lost my mother and experienced this type of grief first-hand, I will not change those parts because the death of a family member really is such a dramatic and life-changing event.Forgiveness of parents and the cycle of life in general are the two main themes of this story. Aliana, as I mentioned earlier, provides an example of an older woman who does not forgive her parents, and ends up dying with the pain and resentment still locked in her heart. Nardeen on the other hand travels with Amira to the source of the plague and must come to terms with some incredibly difficult decisions that her own parents made, back seventy-four years ago when she was still an infant.She discovers she had a twin sister that her parents tragically decided to leave behind, because they could not afford to keep both babies. The wrath of the twin sister is what ended up causing the plague—pain and resentment manifested—that traveled miles and miles across the ocean and rivers to Nardeen's village.When I was getting ready to make this showcase, I thought about how Amira and Nardeen's relationship may become strained when Aliana dies. I thought maybe I should add in more conflict between the two of them, possibly Amira blaming herself or Nardeen for the death of her mom (and her dad years ago). I decided later though that there was enough conflict (between Nardeen and Aliana, Amira and Aliana, and closer to the end Nardeen with her twin sister's spirit), and adding in more would just feel forced and unnecessary. Besides, in time of grief and uncertainty, it just made more sense to have a solid relationship that never wavers. That's how I feel about my brother right now—while my relationships with other family members somehow became even more strained after my mother's death, I honestly feel like there's nothing that could come between my brother and me. While we are both feeling the intensity of losing our mom, we are able to see only each other and a few other select people during this COVID-19 quarantine. So I wanted to show that strong bond that gets even stronger during hard times.This story has such a special place in my heart, particularly because as I said before, Nardeen was the first Wise Not Withered character I created, almost two years ago now. Nardeen's story is so fitting for a video game, and I'm so proud of the parts I added into the story that would be super fun to play. When Nardeen and Amira first set off on their voyage, I made a long list of things that Nardeen puts into her pack, though I finished writing that list after figuring out what all she was going to do later. Here's one of my favorite parts of the story:“'Amira, we are in need your paddling skills after all,' the older woman smiled as she handed the oar to the younger woman. Amira nodded, not knowing exactly what Nardeen was thinking, but trusting. 'The direction of the river has changed, but we can still steer our boat to and fro.' With her grandmother’s directions, Amira paddled their boat to either side of the river while Nardeen reached out and plucked a multitude of reeds and grasses of different lengths and widths. She then broke a handful of twigs and branches off of the dead tree trunks. Nardeen sifted through the pile of twigs until she found two that were the same length and shape, bending slightly outward. She carved a small slot in the bottom of each twig, then using a thin blade of grass, she threaded it first through the slots then around and around, securing the twigs together. From inside her pack she retrieved a large handful of dandelion stems. She squeezed each stem gently, catching the goopy substance that came out into her hands. Rubbing her palms together, the dandelion goop became a single, thin, elastic piece, which she strung across the top of the twigs, in the space that formed as the twigs bent away from each other. Nardeen reached in her bag for the stash of small nuts. Bringing her newly crafted slingshot up to eye level, she placed a nut in the spider web, pulled it back, then fling! The nut flew through the air and landed with a plop into the water."—As with all of the other characters too, I could not have fleshed out Nardeen's aesthetic and personality without the help of the writer and illustrator who contributed to her story and look.So without further ado, first here is Heba introducing herself and talking about her experience writing about Nardeen."Hello! My name is Heba Hayek. I live in Palestine in a small city called Gaza, where a lot of conflicts happened in the last decade. I'm married, and I have three beautiful children. I've worked in several fields. Currently, I am a translator, proofreader, and creative writer. I started writing in the age of 13. Most of my writings were about my daily life, and sometimes I would criticize some thoughts and ideas that I didn't like in my society.Each article, or topic, or small paragraph that I write usually reflects a certain situation, feeling, or person that had an impact on me. The most precious articles to my heart are two. The first one is called 'Survivor Lost Within'. In this article, I reflected my own experience during the last aggression on Gaza, while being pregnant with my third child. And the second article is called 'Beneath The Rubble Rises Hope', where I talk about a young lady who fought all the misfortunes she had in her life to achieve her goals.In this story, I wanted to reflect the bright side of my society, because worldwide we are not recognized as the peaceful, loving society. When I started writing about Nardeen, in my head I had imagined every single mother and grandmother in my society. Nardeen is an example of any grandmother who is willing to do anything for the sake of her family. Nardeen is an example, because she is a leader. She is willing to do anything to serve her people. In Nardeen's character, I chose to implant my traditions, reflect in her dress: the color of the dress, the colors of the dress that sewed in the dress. While Amira is another example of any grand-daughter in my society.The whole story reflects the strong relationship that gathers the families in Palestinian society. The scenes in the story are a collection of my own childhood. The places where I used to spend my childhood, the view of the sea, the view of the boat, the view of the farm: everything is all a combination of a shattered childhood.Because I've always believed that women are capable of doing anything they want, that's why I joined the Wise Not Withered project. The idea of the project is to erase the stereotype image of women all over the world, and to show them that women are educated, strong, and can achieve anything they want. The whole experience of the project was amazing, and it let me get to know different people from different cultures worldwide."And here is Natalia, introducing herself and talking about the gorgeous illustrations she made of our protagonist Nardeen, and her grand-daughter Amira."Hi, my name is Natalia, AKA Nillus Art. I'm from Argentina, so I'm really sorry for my English right now. And well, I'm going to try my best. I describe my art style like girls, girls, girls! Because like eighty percent of my work are female characters. They are everything to me, I love drawing women. Also I love to use gold, doing really really beautiful flowing hair, and you see pink, blue, and violet in my palette because they are my favorite colors ever.https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw75mfBlYPG/I think one of my favorite pieces are some of the latest pieces I made with red, black, and gold. I'm making a series of mythological creatures. A year ago I made a spirit, and I think I used blue, green, and pink. That is also a great palette. It was like super hard, because the piece is really little, and have so many details. I don't know why I made that to myself. So they were really difficult to do, and I'm so proud of them. I hope you like these pieces too, in the story's work.I really love the story, and it made me remember a lot of my granny. I think Nardeen is so like her. I think the story is amazing, because you have so many depths in the characters, you have so many moments... They are so well-balanced: you have bad moments, you have good moments, you have dramatic moments. I think you will find yourself loving the characters in the end of the story. What I love the most about Nardeen is that even in a really dark moment, she finds herself, keeping on, and doing the next right thing. And I think she is so brave, and a lot of people are going to love her for that.I joined this project because I love the idea of representation of older women in the media. As a gamer and comic reader, it's really sad to see that 40+ woman characters are only support or really secondary characters. I think that telling these stories really reflect women and their value. I know I'm going to grow old someday, and I hope to be like them, like all these characters. Keep doing what I love, because you have no limit to do what you love if you're alive."[caption id="attachment_664" align="aligncenter" width="1806"]Illustration by Natalia—Hope you enjoyed the episode! Thanks for listening. I'm a bit slower than usual to get them out right now, but there are indeed nine more characters, so please stay tuned for more showcases!

Full transcription available on WiseNotWithered.com:https://wisenotwithered.com/2020/03/17/dance-teacher-yanti/

Hello and Welcome to Week 14 of the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! This week I am proud to present Tala, our 103-year-old Magical Blessing-Granter! The illustrator for the oldest character of the entire project is Zahra, from Iran.I absolutely adore the illustrations that Zahra made for Tala. She worked so hard, creating five fully colored, incredibly detailed pictures. In the sketching and initial coloring stage, I asked her to completely change the aesthetic of the character, which I understand is no easy feat and something I should have told her sooner. But she did it! She was amazing to work with, and I love the illustrations she made so so much.Illustration by Zahra GholamijalalThe interesting thing about this character is that her illustrations are done, but I have yet to find a writer. The original person who was going to write the story for this character had so many great ideas and we were in contact for many months, but before the story was finished, she just disappeared, and I have not heard from her since last June.It's a shame, but the show must go on! This is actually something that has happened quite a lot during this project, an issue that I did not see coming but makes a lot of sense that it would happen. At the beginning I thought okay, I have recruited all of these people for this project. I'll send them the character list one week, pair them up the next week, then get started right away! It obviously ended up taking longer than that to wait for people to pick their preferred character, for me to pair people, and then get started. Then once we got started, sometimes it was mostly me and one other person (usually the writer) coming up with all of these ideas. Sometimes the illustrator was also very involved, but what ended up happening for a few of the characters is that the ideas we had after all did not match up with what the illustrator thought we were doing. So I have had to find new illustrators for quite a few of the characters.With others, the work is not done yet, but they have continued to stay in contact with me, which I greatly appreciate! I understand that people have their own busy lives, and this passion project is not a source of income so it is not a top priority for any of the writers or illustrators—it's a priority for me, and I am the one coordinating and directing everything! I'm at a place now where I can still see a vision of the final product, but am waiting patiently, trusting that each part will be completed, sending reminder emails and texts, and letting go of people that I don't hear from for months. It's been an interesting process. I do my best to send only good vibes to the people that I drop from the team. No hard feelings, we simply must be moving forward.Tala's story will be a very interesting one! Her gorgeous illustrations are all completed, and the writer I find will create the story in a backwards way, using the illustrations as a guide. One important thing about Tala is that, because she is the oldest character (age 103), she is the only one that is allowed to die at the end. There was some discussion with other writers about their character dying in their story, but I put my foot down and made it very clear that those characters would not be allowed to die—that would defeat the whole purpose of the project! Tala is special though, being the oldest character. I will discuss that with the writer I find though, and maybe she won't die. We'll see.Illustration by Zahra GholamijalalThe original writer I had found for this story was from the Philippines, and really into Philippine mythology. I would love to find another writer from the Philippines to create the story for Tala, but a different type of Asian would be fine too!The description I wrote for Tala was this:Magical Blessing-Granter — Age 103story starts with adventurers going to visit the magical blessing-giver, and you think it’s about them… but it turns out that SHE is the main character!brief exploration of how she got to be where she is, and what she gains from using her unworldly powers to help out those in needmeditation/yoga teacher, practices every morning for herself toopowerful illusionist: protects her land and people from ill-intended outsidersI came up with this idea first while thinking of characters like the Great Fairies in The Legend of Zelda. These characters, like many other NPCs, sit in one place for the entire game, waiting for passing travelers to come and use their services. I thought it would be great to turn that around, and once the traveler leaves, the camera slowly pans back to the fairy-like person and you soon realize that SHE is the main character of the story!It's always important to come up with a solid backstory for any character in a narrative, even if you never flat-out tell the audience. One of the ideas I came up with for Tala is that she has these beautiful wings that allow her to fly above her village and survey the area. These wings would not have always been a great advantage for Tala: for years she was shunned and ostracized, especially during the time that they were forming and growing. I haven't come up with why exactly she has wings, but I think it's important that she had a tough time accepting them earlier in her life, while now she embraces them and uses them to her advantage. They are a blessing after all.I'm excited to see what story will come from the illustrations that Zahra made! Finding a writer for Tala's story is high on my to-do list, though so is finding an illustrator for Candace, editing and polishing some of the remaining stories... It's a lot to do. And I will get it done!Thanks for tuning in to the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! New episodes every Sunday (sometimes Monday) until mid-2020!

Welcome to Week 13 of the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! I am recording from my kitchen table today, for a change of scenery. It's a little windy outside, so you may hear the gentle tinkling of the wind chimes right outside my front door throughout this episode. This week features the last PAIR of women: our fire and water twins, Feu and Sui. Their supernatural story about parallel worlds and elemental powers was written by Jessie Jing, with gorgeous illustrations by Marah Ali.A lot of the Wise Not Withered stories are set in reality, or at least a realistic world. Something really special about Feu and Sui's story is that there are actually two worlds: the living world of Earth, and the parallel spirit world of Etern. Jessie will talk more about this later in the episode.In terms of plot, the Fire and Water Twins' story was perhaps the most bare-boned idea I had at the beginning. I just knew that I wanted there to be twins that had fire and water powers. That idea sparked from the plethora of natural disasters that have been happening in the United States: raging fires in the west (where I live), and devastating hurricanes in the east. I thought about how it would be great if someone could take all the water from the other side of the country and bring it here to the west coast. I started to imagine two middle-aged women floating high in the sky, bringing all the water over there to over here. And that's really all the thoughts I had about these characters!Jessie brought such a depth to the twins, coming up with their names and the idea of being cast into parallel worlds. I'm amazed at just how broad Jessie's creative spectrum extends: she is arguably one of the most multi-talented artists on the team so far, not only excelling in writing but also dancing and choreography. I was so happy to hear back from her.The story of Feu and Sui is definitely fit for a video game: it starts with a narrator named Vide, inviting the reader/player to learn about the twins and help reunite them, to bring balance to the world. Here's an excerpt from the beginning of the story:"They need to be reunited in order for the world to be in balance once again...Hello, my name is Vide. I am the answer to all that is unknown, which shall be revealed soon. What we will need to do first, however, is reunite the twins in order for the world to be in balance once again. Will you help me?I will tell you the story of Feu and Sui, and you can be the judge of whether or not you will help me in this journey of reuniting the twins..."Jessie and I collaborated on the rest of the story, bringing her ideas of Feu and Sui's past and rooting them into current-timeline scenarios. The ending is purposefully left open-ended, which I will read at the end of the episode.—The illustrator I found for these characters was Marah Ali from Jordan, whom I discovered through Behance. I was really drawn to the realistic details and colors she used for the portraits she had on her page. She was such a joy to work with!Both of the artists involved in the creation of these characters' story and illustrations got involved in the Podcast this time, so without further ado, here is the illustrator, Marah!"Hi, my name is Marah Ali. I'm a studio artist and animator from Jordan. The projects that I'm most proud of are probably two animated music videos that I've done for a local band that I'm a huge fan of. My experience with Wise Not Withered was extremely nice. I had so much fun drawing the fire and water twins. The story was extremely creative, extremely beautiful—I was blown away when I first read it. I got so excited. I tried to make the characters as magical and beautiful as they were in the story. I was also happy that I was given enough creative space to work with my own style. Juliana was such a sweetheart. Illustration by Marah AliI also joined Wise Not Withered because the concept of empowering middle-aged women is extremely important, yet we're always saying on TV, how we should empower young women, and children. We don't talk much about empowering middle-aged women, though it's extremely important. I think that most middle-aged women that I know of are superheroes to me. So I would love if my art might empower any of them. Make them more confident, or might put a smile on their faces when they see middle-aged women with super powers.I also would love to be a storyteller with my art. So telling stories with my own art. So that's one of the reasons that I joined Wise Not Withered. It was a very, very awesome experience."And here is the writer, Jessie!"Hi! My name is Jessie, and I am currently living in London. I am Malaysian Chinese, and I am a dancer and writer. I largely within the contemporary dance scene, and currently studying my master's in choreography. So I'm an all-around creative!I work a lot with writing and text as well, for my dance projects, and vice versa. With writing, I like to work with flow and movement, so both sides of my artist identity informs the other. I'm actually publishing a book, so the launch date is the 28th of February. It's a poetry collection I've written nearly three years back. It's called Manuscripts of the Mind. Publishing with the Ghost and Ribbon, which is an independent publisher. So a little plug there!It's interesting, with this [story]. One of my biggest influences in narratives and story telling is actually Harry Potter. Even Lord of the Rings, although reading-wise, when I was younger I was much more affinitised with Harry Potter. I loved the magical world that it created. I read a lot of Jacqueline Morrison's books as well, and Roald Dahl. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Matilda... These are books that I hold dear in my heart. So I think naturally, when it came to this project... To write about the twins, Feu and Sui, I naturally gravitated toward creating a world. Creating, really opening the imagination, and going really supernatural, with magical abilities.It's also quite a theme that goes across my projects, where I like to create a narrative, create a different space and world for whoever's reading—or watching, if it's for my dance projects.So Feu and Sui are twins. They are elemental twins basically, fire and water. The name Feu is French for fire, and Sui is the Romanization of the Cantonese pronunciation of water. I really like to play with language! It talks about them being in... General background is that they're long-lost twins. Not in the sense that they're lost in one single world, but actually parallel worlds. Sui is in a world "Etern", like a supernatural world, and it's parallel to the Earth that we live in. For Feu, she has supernatural abilities that she is kind of aware of but not, but she's much more in the sort of normalcy of Earth. The story jumps off that point.They're separated from birth. Basically there's a long, deeper story to it. But in the womb, what happened was Feu was the surviving twin, and Sui unfortunately wasn't. But she never truly disappeared, but went into the parallel world of Etern. The story would eventually lead to their meeting, and it would cast the world off balance should their meeting not happen. So yeah, it's quite a dramatic story! (laughs) This is where we start.Obviously, Feu and Sui individually can... Well more Sui, because Sui is aware of her elemental powers. They can manipulate their elements: Feu is for fire, and Sui is for water. And this is the overarching storyline of the story.So like I mentioned, I am very into the whole creation of a different world, hence why Etern is introduced. Should this be a longer extended project, Etern would come into play a lot more. My love for creating worlds and narratives really influenced this creation of a different supernatural, elemental world, and the parallelism of the worlds in this universe. Illustration by Marah AliIn terms of culture... A theme that happens a lot throughout my projects is that I love to play with the notion of duality. Hence the parallelism of the worlds, in that what we see is never what we really... It's not always the only truth. There are many different truths and also many different existences. I wouldn't pinpoint it to a particular culture, but definitely there's this sort of belief of dual or multiple realities. Maybe it's much more science, in that sense? There are many different influences. But definitely my interest in creating a magical, different world is the biggest influence.I joined the Wise Not Withered project because I really liked what it stands for. The notion that you know, middle-aged and above, senior-aged women are very under-represented across the board, whether it's commercially or even day-to-day in jobs. There is this culture of casting elders aside, perhaps they are not aesthetically fitting to the demands of the commercial society. I feel that is not true: there is so much that the senior ages can offer. Their wisdom, their power, their strengths are so underrated. This is a big reason as to why I joined. And also because I was raised by my mom, she's a single mother. She obviously will grow older as well. As a younger generation, I hope to carry her legacy as a wise, older woman. So beautiful in her heart, inside and out, and pass that on, really.I would say to a fellow woman... It's been on my mind always, but especially lately, because I've been working in collaborative projects and we've had lots of chats... To stand strong and be confident for other women, and your fellow artists. And to be proud of them... It's so satisfying. It makes you feel so wholesome, as both a person and an artist. I feel the world can get very competitive at times, and we cannot let this culture of competitiveness make us lose our very innate empathetic and supportive nature.Thank you for having me! I really enjoyed this experience in Wise Not Withered, really really enjoyed this experience. I hope to you know, see more artists and writers all across disciplines come together for such projects. And thank you Juliana. Such a great initiative. I really hope for the best for this initiative to go further and further in the future. Thank you!"—And here is how the story ends:"This is where you come back in, friend. Feu has fallen and now is precariously treading on the thin line between the living Earth and Etern. On Earth, one can be alive with land-dwelling beings, and feel the warmth of the sun on human skin, complete with human emotions. In Etern, there is no warmth but that which lies within your spirit. Elemental powers are active and heightened in Etern.Now, dear friend, two options lie at this fork in the road. What shall Feu and Sui do?1) Feu blacks out, her lungs filling with water. Sui gently touches her hand, and Feu begins to glow red. Just as the life force returns to Feu’s motionless body, Sui is catapulted out of the water and onto the pier. Her first time out of the water, Sui stays on the ground for a few seconds, crouching down and feeling the sturdy wooden logs of the pier beneath her toes and fingertips. She glances down at the water below, then tilts her head up toward the clouds and the brilliant sun, whose cascading rays nearly bring Sui to tears.“My sister... Where am I? Is this the place where you have lived all this time? I must find you, and bring you back... To Earth.”This route would follow Sui on Earth and Feu in Etern, and their adventure in trying to get Feu back onto Earth. 2) Sui catches Feu, and quickly breathes a flurry of bubbles that flutter across Feu’s face, magically clearing the water out and repelling it from her lips and nostrils. Feu opens her eyes, and the two women stare at each other. Without a word, they embrace, their elemental hair burning and flowing together in an intricate dance. They separate and look at one another once more. Feu marvels at her sister’s electric blue hair, slivers of silver shining like the moonlight and stars. Sui admires her sister’s fiery smoke and ember red and grey hair, dancing like flames even though they are underwater.This route would follow Feu and Sui both in Etern, and their adventure in trying to get both of them back onto Earth.The choice is yours, dear friend. Go with your gut feeling, and choose the path that speaks to you."—Stay tuned for more Wise Not Withered Character Showcases, releasing nearly every Sunday, sometimes Monday, until mid-2020!

Hello and welcome to Week 12 of the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! I'm fighting off a cold right now, so bear with me as my voice is a bit croaky. Today's character is extra special because I think of her as a flagship of sorts of the entire project. I'm thrilled to present Candace, our FPS (first-person shooter) Housewife!Candace was one of the first characters I thought of conceptually. As with all of the characters, when I introduced them to the team of writers and illustrators, I changed the names I had in mind to be as culturally ambiguous as possible (hence "FPS Housewife"). But Candace was actually the original name I had thought of for her.The whole project started out as a huge initiative to create middle-aged and elderly female characters in video games, but a lot of them turned out to be suited for other types of media, so not all of them would be game characters. Candace, however, from the very start, was going to be a housewife who abhors her sons' devotion to video games, then gets sucked into one—along with her sons—and they must figure their way out. I knew I wanted her to have moments in the story where she becomes closer to her sons, getting to know them on a deeper level, comes to understand their passion for video games, and rekindles passion for her own life again.At some point I decided that her older son would be gay, and his coming out to her would be a non-negotiable part of the story. I thought it would be interesting if the older son was also a sports jock (again trying to break stereotypes, as I mentioned last week). He and his younger brother would play video games together and the younger one would look up to him immensely.The writer I found for this character was DeNae. I found her through Instagram, while searching #nerdmom. I knew I wanted the writer to be a gamer (or former gamer, just someone that was familiar with the gaming world and basic mechanics of a first-person shooter game), and a mother (so that element of the story would be as authentic as possible).https://www.instagram.com/p/Bo9YlJPgi39/?tagged=tvmomsDeNae, whose online presence is "The Big Bad Mama Wolf", brought Candace to life with her own gaming and motherhood experiences. And I know I keep saying this, but the story she wrote was simply more than I ever could have asked for. We decided together that her husband would be an architect, often staying late at his job but still a supportive and kind father in his own way.When we were coming up with ideas of what types of terrain and setting we would include in the first-person shooter game, my boyfriend and I had the brilliant idea of each world in the game representing a different room in their house. Ultimately it became each world representing each person in their family. It's never outright said in the story, but the biomes and their character representations would be something like this:Ice caverns | Father/Husband/Richard: he may seem cold and distant, but there's a warm, fiery village at the center because he has a warm heartVolcano | Older Son/Shaun: he's very passionate and a go-getter type of person; possibly trying to hold in emotions, waiting to eruptJungle | Younger Son/Jasper: wild, free, unpredictableDesert + Oasis | Candace: seemingly dry and boring, but brimming with life and vitality upon closer inspectionThe illustrator for this character unfortunately dropped out of the project, so the search continues! In terms of racial identity, I want Candace to be half-Asian, half-white (like me!), and I would love to find an illustrator who is either mixed, or any type of Asian. I also want her to have a huskier body type. I suppose she doesn't have to be half-Asian at this point, since there is nothing in the story that indicates anything about her appearance or ethnic heritage. But I just like the idea of having one of the characters be a mixed baby like me! :)—Now here is DeNae, introducing herself and talking about the amazing story she wrote for the FPS Housewife, Candace:"Hello! My name is DeNae, and I am a stay-at-home mom, blogger, TikTok video maker, convention creator, and all around huge nerd. A lot of people know me for the convention I started here in West Texas called Lubbock Con. And other people know me from Instagram as The Big Bad Mama Wolf.I started writing when I was younger, but I haven't done it consistently throughout my life. This project really stirred up a lot in me because I was able to get back to my roots of writing. I've been doing my blog for a couple of years now. And while I really enjoy blogging and writing about the experience of being a mom, writing a fictional story about a fictional character was so exciting and something brand new and super interesting.So Candace is this incredible character that Juliana introduced me to. She had an idea of the story already, and whenever she messaged me on Instagram. She found me because of the tag #nerdmom or #gamermom. And she messaged me and asked if I would be interested in the project, and of course, I was like absolutely! Oh my gosh. This is such a cool idea. A story about a mom who gets trapped in a video game with her two sons. And while I do not have teenagers yet—my kids are both under the age of ten—this was such a unique experience, because I got to really get in the mind of someone else who has a different life experience than I do, who's older than I am. But I just felt like it was so important for her story to be told, because at some point all of us reach that moment in our lives, where we have lived probably a lot less fully than we want to. And we need to awoken—that's not a word. We need to be awakened! Our lives need to be shook up. And for Candace, it is this moment where she gets to experience something completely unrealistic and otherworldly, but it has real-life connotations about your relationship with your children, your relationship with your spouse, your relationship with yourself.And while Juliana had created the character, she left this big opening for me to give a backstory. And I really... Probably wrote too much of a backstory for me. Cause this is a short story, so a lot of you won't even know these things about the backstory. But it was so important to me to create a full character who has a whole life of experiences, and things that lead up to this moment.It was important for me to know old her husband was, and where they were from, and where they went to school, and how they met. And he's only in the story for the very last few paragraphs, but those things led me to get to know Candace, and I really wanted the readers and the audience to love her as much as Juliana and I had started to. When we started having phone conversations, she would say, "This is how I see this moment playing out." And I was like, that's perfect, because in Candace's backstory, her father used to take her to play video games. It was so cool, because the character that she had envisioned and the character that I brought to life ended up being one and the same. It was just a matter of building that backstory and getting to know her as a fully fleshed out human being.One of the coolest things that Juliana had wanted for the story was the moment where her son comes out. I don't have that experience. It's an experience that I know is life-changing, and so important. I know my sister and her wife—I've heard their coming out stories, I've heard their friends' coming out stories. They're good, they're bad, they're all over the place. And for Candace specifically, and for this moment in the story, I wanted it to be one of those things where you left feeling good about it. It is a part of life, it is a part of the human experience to have ups and downs with your child. But I wanted that ever-lasting, true love to come from Candace, and for you to really see that in the story. And I really hope that comes across whenever you guys read it. Because I loved writing that scene, and I loved talking to other people about their coming out stories, so that I could make mine as believable in this unrealistic world as possible. I remember when I sent it off to Juliana, I had already cried writing. Whenever she read it and she liked it, it made me feel so good because I wanted to do this character justice.Even though I am a gamer, as a mom I do not get to game as much as I would like to. And I don't really do first-person shooter games. So I started talking to lots of friends about first-person shooters... I spoke with my husband, I spoke with my best friend Erin, and I was trying to get an idea so that I would get the terminology right! What would be a really cool game for a mom and her teenaged sons to get trapped in? And so I actually created an entire video game world. And I swear, Juliana, we need to get this made into a real game, because it is really fun. Number one. I would totally play it. And it's a lot like Halo, or Destiny. It goes through all of these moments that the characters needed. It goes through emotional highs and lows. And in order for Candace to have that moment at the end where she's like you know what, I can be my own person. I'm not just a mom. She needed to prove herself to herself. Not to anyone else. This was for her. And for her sons. For her to have that relationship rekindled, and re-supported. I cannot tell you how in love I am with these characters and this family, and it's probably because I created this really ridiculous backstory that no one will ever know, but it's in my notebook, and I just really feel like maybe we need to do a sequel or something, cause I really love writing about this family.So I joined this project after Juliana sent me the information, because I felt like it was so important to have positive representations of females in media. Specifically in areas they might not particularly be portrayed, like gaming. There's a whole lot of gate-keeping, and you know, gamer-gate, and all of this anti-geek girl stuff that's really frustrating as a woman who actively participates in geek culture. So to be able to write a story about a woman who loved video games and lost that passion but rekindles it through an experience with her children was really awesome. I just couldn't turn it down. The whole project is so incredible, and it just has brought together some of the most talented women.I think in order to find something that has a wide variety of perspectives in one place, even though the internet is so vast, is still really difficult. And Juliana has absolutely found a perfect way to do this, by creating these stories and these characters, and we have a writer and an artist for each from a different place in the world, and a different place in their life. We're all different ages, and races, and we live in different parts of the entire world—we're not just from one country or one area of the planet. This project is going to be so awesome because of that. Because it has a wide voice, but it's all pointing towards strong females. And if we ever needed a time that we needed to hear strong female voices, it's now.Another reason I really wanted to be a part of this project was because my own grandmother, we call her Grammy, played Diablo when I was in middle school. And when I would tell people that, they would just be flabbergasted, like "My grandma doesn't even know how to use a computer." And I was like oh, well mine plays video games online, in an online gaming community. And so even though it's 2020 now, and that was in the late 90's, it's so important to have that representation, for people to see that there are women who do other things beside just motherhood. And while being a mom is such a huge part of my life, and it's absolutely probably my favorite thing about my life, it's not the only aspect of me. And a lot of women lose that.And that's why this story was so attractive to me. It was about a woman who loves her children, she loves her husband, she's dedicated her life to her family... But in that moment has lost herself. And a lot of us experience that. A lot of us are experiencing that now, or will experience it in the future. So it's refreshing to see that there's life on the other side, and that you can be a great mom, and still be a great human being, and be your own person, and still love the things you loved before.I'm so grateful to be a part of this project. I hope that you guys love Candace's story. I hope that you love all of the stories from Wise Not Withered. And more than anything, I hope that you feel inspired to be the best version of yourself and the best female that you can be."—I will now read an excerpt from the incredible story DeNae wrote, titled "Reclamation":There is a blinding flash of light, an ear piercing squeal and suddenly my arm feels heavy. My whole body feels heavy. This is it. I'm one year from fifty and this is what gets me. A heart attack. But it is not my arm that feels heavy but what's in it. I look down. In my grasp, the most obscenely large gun I have ever seen. And my chest is not heavy but what is ON it. I am covered head to toe in bulky, gaudy, heavy armor. I panic. Where are my sons? I hear gunshots in the distance. I take off running towards the sound. I trip and stumble and drag this beast of a gun. I step through the fog and Shaun is standing there, a look of disbelief on his face, just staring. Jasper, tiny little Jas, is holding a smoking gun and a pile of alien carcasses lay in front of him.“Dude.” Shaun manages to pop out before we hear more gunfire.I turn around. An alien hoard approaches and all I can hear is Jasper screeching,“SHOOT! MOM, SHOOT!”“Candy! You have to shoot, Candy!”It's my father. It's 1983. I'm thirteen again and in a mall arcade. He's not yelling but loudly encouraging. My father was a fun loving and highly spirited man. Even when we lost him he never stopped smiling. Even through the pain. Mother always scolded, “Stop feeding that girl fairytale dreams. She should be at the library studying, not playing that techno battle garbage with you.” I loved sneaking away with my father to the arcade for mind numbing fun, greasy pizza and cherry cokes. What was it that he would always say? “Aim with your eyes and. . .” and what? I hear explosions and yelling. The weight of a nearby blast knocks me back into the reality that I'm lost in virtual reality, as I shout, “SHOOT FROM THE HEART!”“Aim with your eyes and shoot from the heart.”I don't know what takes over me but I am shooting. This gun weighs two tons but I'm shooting. And yelling and screaming and running, my sons running beside me, tossing grenades and shouting expletives they know they are not allowed to say. Fear is a funny thing. I have never even touched a handgun in my life and now I am mowing down aliens and kicking ass trying to protect my baby boys. Why these sweet boys do this for fun, I do not know, but my adrenaline is driving me. Between the three of us we blow through sixty or more slimy green guys and I see a Humvee in a clearing ahead. The boys instinctively follow me to the vehicle. I am completely out of breath. I have not run in over thirty years. Shaun tries to climb in the driver's seat but I tap him over. He may be grown enough to blow up alien life forms, but he has not passed driver's ed yet. Shaun helps to remove some of my armor so I can drive and Jasper slouches over, exhausted, in the back seat. That kid can sleep anywhere. We manage to get this beast into gear and head towards a dense jungle in hopes of getting a break from explosions and ET trying to kill us.—Thanks for tuning in to another episode of the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! More episodes coming every Sunday—sometimes Monday—until mid-2020!

Hello everyone, and welcome to Week 11 of the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! This week is one of only three PAIRS of women, and this time, they are a MARRIED COUPLE AND BUSINESS-PARTNER SUPER-HEROOOOOOOOEEESSS!!!!I am absolutely delirious to present Tanvi and Gabby, our Diner-Owning Superheroes! They are both forty-two: they met and fell in love while in college, and have been together ever since. The initial idea I had for this character was that it would just be one: Tanvi, the Diner-Owning Superhero, would also live with her wife and their niece. But at some point, sort of like the Potion Witches, we decided that they would both share the spotlight.The focus is still more so on Tanvi, as the story is also told in first-person from her perspective. I originally thought that Gabby would just be a supportive character to Tanvi, but when the idea was brought up that they would be a unit—both of them owning the diner and both of them superheroes—it just made sense.If I had one regret about the project so far, it would be that I didn't add in enough LGBTQ+ characters. The focus is definitely on expanding representation of middle-aged and elderly women, but the opportunity to include more diversity in sexuality and gender identity may have been missed. I did include a few other gay characters in the project, and with others they may identify as LGBT but those topics were never discussed in their stories because it is simply one aspect of a person.That is one of the underlying motives for this project as well... I mentioned it briefly last week but it has been rolling around in my head for months now: None of the characters in the project has age as a defining characteristic. Akuol, one of the Potion Witches, does struggle with aging specifically in her story, but there is so much other stuff going on that it still represents only one aspect of that story and that character.I feel that that sometimes becomes a story's downfall: if the character is based almost entirely around one trait, it can be easy to start taking out the labels and judgements. The token old person who is always hacking and coughing and waving their cane. The token woman who is always meek, weak, and in need of assistance. The token gay character who wears pink and acts in a flamboyant way. When a character is flattened to a very specific way of thinking and acting, not only is it boring and trite, it's downright damaging to the demographic that it's supposedly representing.I find it very powerful when a character's sexuality is simply a part of who they are, while the story focuses on other aspects of their awesome life. I do think it's important to show the struggles of minority groups, but also just as important to show their successes as well. Again, that is part of the goal in this project. The characters are all older women, who are still thriving. None of the stories are about their differentiating trait bringing them down.With each of these characters, it was important to me that not only did we represent uncommonly seen ages, but also from a huge variety of perspectives. That is, from many different parts of the world, with different cultures and beliefs, styles and aesthetics. Being an interracial baby myself, with Filipino and Western European heritage, I also wanted to include a few characters in the project who were in an interracial relationship, or the result of one!The writer I found for this character was Meghna. We first connected over Behance, then once we got to email, the conversation just rolled.https://www.instagram.com/p/B50t5hhHRg0/We exchanged so many long emails when we first met, getting to know one another and bouncing around ideas for the character. Since Meghna had chosen the character first (before I even found Kristen), we decided that the main diner-owning superhero would be of Indian descent, and her wife's ethnicity would be that of our writer.Meghna and I talked about our experiences growing up while not feeling like we totally belong, culturally or ethnicity-wise. We also talked about the setting of the story, and how it would make sense to take place in a more progressive country like the US (or Canada, as it turned out), for a gay couple to own a diner together. This is one of the nuggets that Meghna said in our email exchange, from Meghna herself:"I'm actually convinced that it takes an ambiguous cultural identity to really open our minds to things like the freedom to love who you want. From my point of view, I wouldn't mind anyone in my family marrying outside of community, because my ties to the community are weak, at best. I haven't grown up here, so I don't feel that sense of belonging like the older generations would. It's a little funny because we discussed in one of our classes that culture is dynamic and constantly changing, so there's no point getting hung up on the specifics because what seems concrete today would just be outdated and obscure tomorrow. So many traditions die out, it really makes no sense to me to worry about the specifics of caste and creed mattering."—I wanted the cultural representation to be as authentic as it could be. I didn't want someone writing about a culture that they knew nothing about. At some point, it was decided that the superhero's wife would be Asian. So, I accepted the challenge!I scoured the internet for a writer who was Asian AND identified as LGBT. I typed in all kinds of hashtags, spending a couple hours pouring over pages of twitter, Instagram, and random blogs on the internet, and it was finally #queerasian that brought me to Kristen!https://twitter.com/thesapphicnerd/status/1036445012257587200Kristen's online pages are under "The Sapphic Nerd", which has such a beautiful ring to it! I was so intrigued by the posts on her blog, not only cartoon and book reviews advocating for representation of LGBTQ+ and women, but also about her own experiences as a queer woman of color.https://www.instagram.com/p/BuIG5EOh5dw/Something Kristen said really hit a chord with me: "There's also the added element of a superhero having more abilities than a regular person, but being frustratingly the same as everyone else is in how they deal with their relationships (romantic and non-romantic)."When Kristen joined the conversation, the three of us just bounced around ideas like dumping a gum ball machine into a bouncy house. It wasn't quite as mad as that image seems though; we quickly, mutually decided on loads of details and got to work! The story that Kristen wrote, titled "Change", is everything I wanted it to be and more. The characters of Tanvi and Gabby are so relatable, and the way they interact is just perfect.It was really important that I include a lesbian couple in the project, showing a stable gay relationship into middle age. Tanvi is significantly more emotional and outspoken, while Gabby is more reserved and calm. They joke around often, and balance each other out very well, working together as a loving couple, as well as business-owner partners, and a super hero team. Tanvi's powers revolve around gravity, while Gabby has the power to multiply things, including herself.Illustration by Meghna[/caption]When I first thought of the character concept, simply a Diner-Owning Superhero and her wife, I wanted to add in that their niece gets kidnapped. Tanvi's niece Navami wanted to go to college near where Tanvi and Gabby live, so she moved to Toronto and is living with them. What ended up happening is that Tanvi's older sister (niece Navami's mother) tries to take Navami back home to India.Instead of a crazy villain kidnapping her niece, it's her own sister who is struggling with seeing her daughter changing and becoming more comfortable in Canada's more progressive society. I thought this addition worked perfectly, as it still creates quite a bit of conflict and drama, not to mention it shows how Tanvi and Gabby are still dealing with disapproval from their family about their relationship (though the relationship itself is still very strong and solid).Meghna took some time to introduce herself and talk about the characters Tanvi and Gabby, including their creation/inspiration, and their illustrations."Hey! I'm Meghna, I'm in my mid twenties and an architect and graphic-designer, specializing in illustration. I'm from Kerala in the south of India, but I was born and brought up in the Middle East so there's always been a sense of not completely belonging to either culture. I've been drawing seriously maybe from the ninth grade when I got SUPER into Beyblade and Naruto. I spent my summers in India and these two shows would play on Cartoon Network in the evenings and I was OBSESSED, and that isn't even an exaggeration. When I returned home, I experienced withdrawal symptoms and hadn't figured out that I could possibly watch the shows online, so I started drawing anime-inspired art of my own to make up for the void (to be a tad dramatic). Over the years, my art style did evolve based on what I was reading and watching. I don't think I've found 'My style' just yet, and I'm not sure if I will, because I like the evolution process too much to really let myself get too comfortable with one method of work.(One of the first sketches Meghna made for Tanvi and Gabby)(Another one of the first illustrations Meghna made)I've become so attached to both Tanvi and Gabby over the process of their creation, and reading Kristen's portrayal of them only cemented my attachment to them. As a queer Indian woman myself, I've sort of ended up latching onto whatever little queer representation I see in media, whether good or bad. A lot of this representation doesn't necessarily have me identifying with it so having a chance to create this representation that would have meant so much to me as a young confused girl really feels more fulfilling than a lot of things I've worked on in the past, and I couldn't be more grateful to Juliana for the opportunity. I'm also so thankful that over the months we emailed each other, I really found a good friend in both her and Kristen. Before they were fleshed out characters, the brief was basically just Diner-owning superhero wives, and everything about that just screamed at me to choose it and build it into something. I've been into Marvel and DC growing up, less of the comics, since I didn't have access to that, but more of the animated series and movies, and the portrayal of women superheroes have been changing for the better has me delighted ♥ This felt like a little tribute to that too. And who doesn't love a diner, right? It's a foreign concept to me, since I haven't really been to many, but it's so romanticised in all those American movies I watched growing up.Regarding the look of the characters, their costumes were entirely thought up by Kristen and she did such a marvelous job that I really had so much material to work with. I did experiment with a few different styles, ranging from super stylized to more realistic and sort of settled on a middle ground. I did try to make sure that you could tell that they were middle-aged women of colour, with body types that stray from the ideal. Being a plus-size person myself, and I nearly always have been, it helped to draw someone I'd have loved to see on screen as a child, as an insecure teenager, as a less-insecure, but still sometimes insecure adult. Body diversity is still something that we don't see enough of, even with big franchises like Marvel and DC and I'm hoping that changes in the future, but for now, being able to do this definitely counts towards some healing and satisfaction.My main motivation for working on the Wise Not Withered project was that it made sense at the time. I had just been getting into gaming and had been watching animated shorts from Overwatch and League of Legends and remember being so fascinated with Ana, since she'd been the first person I'd ever seen in a game who was an elderly woman with an active role. Over time, it really just became about being involved in this project with women from all over the world who were working toward something, and I'm honoured to be a part of it, and to be associated with all these creators, and I'm so glad I took it up."—And now, an excerpt from Kristen's story "Change":Changing doesn’t feel the way it looks on TV. It’s not some musical, sensual, colourful, intricate set of dance moves that take an entire minute to go through before you’re ready to fight. If I took that long, I’d barely save anyone! No. Changing for me is a bolt of lightning. It’s a shot of white heat and electricity that ricochets through my body in an instant and leaves me crackling with energy. With power. I’m transformed into someone else in an instant. All thanks to a little stone. If I were up against anyone else - if this were some evil villain dragging my niece out of the diner instead of my own sister - I’d be able to change. But this is family business. Navami needs me, not some random superhero. I can’t smash my way through personal drama. I mean, I could but that might not be the most productive… Instead, I chase after them, reaching the diner’s entrance doors before they fully close. I’m not worried about what the customers will think. Most of them are regulars – even friends – and they’ve seen me throw out my fair share of unwanted guests or break up fights. “Revathi, what are you doing?!” I demand of my sister, feeling the stone pulse from my necklace. I push away the power it offers. “What are you doing?” My sister hurls back at me. “You and your lifestyle have been influencing my daughter! I see her posting photos with these weird people, going everywhere with them. She’s becoming like you!” It takes me a split-second to understand and I give her a flat look. “She’s not turning gay, if that’s what you mean.” I know this because Navami and I regularly have in-depth conversations about things that would make her mother go pale. Not in a creepy way! My wife and I are just open to talking about anything, and so far, it’s resulted in quite a harmonious relationship with our resident teenager. Revathi, who looks positively scandalized that I said that word, jerks Navami’s elbow. “See? Look at your values! Talking like that now.” I clench my fists. “I’m taking my daughter back to India.” “What?! Ma, It’s the middle of the semester! I can’t go back!” Navami digs her heels in and there’s a stubbornness to her expression I’m not used to seeing from her… but have seen many times on her mother. I almost smirk. “You can study somewhere else. I’ll pay for you to go anywhere, but I don’t like what’s happening to you here.” “I like it here!” She argues. “I have a life here! You can’t make me leave!” “You’re my daughter! You have to listen to me.” “Ladies,” My wife’s voice cuts in, calm as ever as she leans on one of the diner doors to keep it open. “Are we putting on a show?” She angles her head over her shoulder. All of us turn around to see a theatre of the diner’s patrons watching and Revathi shrinks. She hates disturbing the peace. “I’ll be back in two days with plane tickets.” She says and storms toward her waiting taxi. I exhale slowly and usher Navami back inside with my arm around her shoulders. “I’m not leaving.” My niece states. Her expression is determined. “Of course not.” I reply, nodding thanks to Gabby who’s holding the door for us.—Stay tuned for more Character Showcases, releasing every Sunday (sometimes Monday!) until mid-2020!

Welcome to Week 10 of the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! I'm honored to present our Wild West Tavern Owner, Meg. She owns and runs a business called "Wild Meg's Saloon and Cabaret Lounge".Illustration by PepiFor a couple years I did Lyft driving on and off. One of my passengers was an elderly gentleman who started telling me about how much he loves Wild West films. I hadn't (and still haven't) watched many (if any?) Western films. I did not grow up with them, and I told the man that I preferred movies and shows with characters that I could relate to. We got into a conversation about how most of the protagonists of those films are white men, and he said something along the lines of "Well that's just how it was." I found myself getting a little irritated at that blatant comment, but I also couldn't say that he was wrong.When I dropped him off at his destination, he said something along the lines of "Times are changing, though. Women are doing more, and I can't wait to see what you'll be able to do next!" It was a very positive note to end on. And I felt inspired. I started to ask with curiosity rather than resentment, "What would it have been like if a strong woman owned a tavern in the Wild West?"My initial ideas for this character were solid, but lacking in depth. I knew I wanted a tall, brooding woman, perhaps in-game an item shop owner. I pictured her saying, "Not in my tavern!" and shooting guns out of people's hands. She'd walk over, punch 'em in the face and throw 'em out! I wanted her to be gruff, with a no-nonsense attitude and a spark of humor. Expert-level ability in a wide range of card games. Extremely intelligent, confident, and sometimes abrasive—not afraid to verbally assault someone back into their place.The illustrator I found for this character is Mariel Astorga, or Pepi, from Argentina! Pepi was one of the first artists that I connected with, and I absolutely adored her enthusiasm and can-do attitude. She has experience in game design, and in programs that encourage and educate young women. I loved the life in the comic illustrations that I found on her Behance page, and I was so excited to be in touch with her.Pepi is from Mendoza, Argentina. She is an entrepreneurial designer who is passionate about video game development and user experience. She started to work in the gaming industry as a 2D artist in 2014, illustrating some characters and designing interface elements. In Mendoza, she works as an Arts and Design instructor at Probot's Video Game Course, which is a 12-week workshop for students from 10 to 17 years old. Probot School, part of the Tomás Alva Edison Foundation, was featured in 2018 by Microsoft's Flagship School Program. Now, Pepi is working with Game User Experience. Once in a while, she sketches for fun.In regard to the illustrations Pepi did for Meg: she feels very connected to Michelle's definition of Meg's personality. Pepi tried to make a mix of a Punk style and Australian outback.Over the past three years, Pepi has been promoting the video game industry and female participation in Mendoza. She had the opportunity to organize multiple workshops and events like "EVA-Mendoza" (Exhibition of Video Games made in Argentina) which is one of the most important Game Development conferences in Latin America, and Global Game Jam.In 2017, Pepi volunteered as an artist to remotely help on the "Girls Make Games" program. This eventually helped her win a scholarship to attend GDC, or Game Developer's Conference 2018.In Pepi's words: "Working with two talented and amazing women like Juliana and Michelle, makes me comprehend the importance of what we are doing, not only we were promoting and emphasizing the representation of middle-aged and elderly women in video games, also we were working from our different countries and realities to make changes in real life, in our daily lives. I'm very grateful. Wise Not Withered is a possibility to celebrate the alliance between women, defend our conquered rights, motivate younger generations and start to promote women's new roles all over the world. There are so many stories to tell."Looking back at our first emails to each other almost feels nostalgic right now! So much has happened with the project over the last year, and seeing how warm and friendly and enthusiastic Pepi was right at the beginning makes me really happy and inspired again. I had been sending dozens of cold emails, hearing back from a handful of people—a tinier handful of that already smaller group accepted the offer and collaborated with at least me, and sometimes as a trio, to create beautiful art of middle-aged and elderly women in stories and illustrations.I started to develop a tougher skin, in terms of being more readily able to accept rejections and keep moving forward... Where we circle back to Meg! It takes a strong woman who has seen hardship to be able to be so tough and rough—Meg brandishes a gun in the first chapter of the story. She means business! When I first created the character, I didn't realize that it would make sense—and in fact be essential—that she'd also need a more gentle and kind side, to balance out the rough exterior.When I found the writer for this character, I honestly had been simply searching for a writer specifically from Australia. Not for that character, I just wanted someone from Australia. At this point in my search, I was making games for myself. I have a world map taped on my wall above my computer where I've colored in the countries where artists on the team live. I wanted to have as much diversity as I possibly could, and it was quite frankly very easy to find people from all over the world. With this kind of technology available to us, there's really no excuse not to find new talent and diversify our content!I started searching Instagram using #australianwriter. I had an interesting interaction with a writer that I may possibly share in a post later with a collection of uncomfortable interactions! The writer who ended up responding and joining the team was Michelle Greening, an author, poet, and lovely soul who lives in West Australia. She will share her thoughts about the story and character later on in the episode.https://www.instagram.com/p/B7XjxxkFcKx/Michelle was so nice to talk to over Instagram, and at one point I ended up sending her the list of characters, in the format of "Description (Age)". I added that some of them are very comedic and some are very serious. Some of them would probably make a more interesting game than others, but the focus is to just showcase that women can and do still have adventures and stories worth telling into middle-age and beyond.Immediately Michelle's interest was piqued when she read "Wild West Tavern Owner". She said she is a previous restaurant owner and had a dream to have another restaurant, called "Wild Meg's Saloon and Cabaret Lounge". Since that first interaction we had, Michelle has written a compelling collection of diary entries to set the stage of Meg's character and shed some light on why she is the way she is. She wrote a couple chapters of Meg's daily escapades, one of which I will include at the end of this post!Honestly for this character as well as last week's... and a lot of them... I just don't have the voice or maturity to read these amazing stories. This is why the next phase includes voice actresses that can really bring the stories to life! I can't do the whole project by myself, and I don't need to!I couldn't be happier with how Michelle's story about Meg is unfolding, and I absolutely adore Pepi's illustrations, with their sketchy, comic book, papery look. I really think that Meg's entire story could be told through comic illustrations like these!Illustration by PepiMichelle added in so much warmth and depth to Meg's character. She still has the exact kind of no-nonsense attitude and spark of humor that I envisioned, which is now rooted in Michelle's actual experience in owning a restaurant and loving Western movies (she even said to me near the beginning "I should have been born in Texas.").But not only does Meg have a rough exterior, she is also very caring and protective of the other women in her restaurant. That was an important quality that I wanted a few of the Wise Not Withered characters to have: none of my characters' defining quality would be their maternal nature, but rather that would be simply a part of some of them. Another important aspect of the project is also to show that nobody has just one "defining" quality. Meg is close with and trusts a few women in her saloon, and the interactions that Michelle wrote about them are so real and lovely.Illustration by Pepi—Now, here is Michelle, introducing herself and talking about Wild Meg's Saloon and Cabaret Lounge!"Hi, I'm Michelle.I live in Perth, Western Australia.The written word has been a love of mine since I was a little girl.Most of my writings are random quotes, ramblings and poems about love in all of its guts and glory. I am a huge romantic at heart and believe love never hurts, only people do. Our social conditioning and expectations can hurt us. But love heals.All in all, my inspiration behind my writing is love and life.Wild Meg's Saloon and Cabaret Lounge is actually a name I created many moons ago for a restaurant which is still yet to eventuate. I am a little, some might say, overly keen on The Wild West Theme and all things Country and Western. If I found out I was Annie Oakley in a past life I'd be pretty happy.The name Meg comes from my initials. Michelle Elizabeth Greening. When I saw the list of characters, I jumped at the chance to create a Tavern Owner who takes no nonsense from anyone. Bringing Meg to life is a wonderful way of putting me in to the character. The me who cannot tolerate people who mistreat others. People who believe they have the right to intimidate.Meg is there to make sure those who do the wrong thing are held accountable. Meg and I are firm believers that if you don't like how someone has spoken to you or treated you, then you have every right to put them in their place. My motto is, it's not what you say, it's how you say it.Meg's Story has taken on a life of its own and watching it unravel is exciting. As I develop the Diary Entries for her not-so-nice back story, you'll fall in love with her strength and tenacity as she defends the innocent against those bullies.Empowering young women and girls is a subject very dear to me, so I jumped at the opportunity to join the Wise Not Withered project when I was invited.Having created a positive self esteem Programme for teenage girls many years ago, I was keen to be part of such a wonderful and unique project such as this. I am very grateful to you, Juliana, for this opportunity."—And now, an excerpt from the story: Chapter 1.“Quiet!”Both hands on the bar, Meg takes a calculated breath. The waves of her recently unravelled hair cascade across her shoulders. Slowly and with an edge to her calm exterior, Meg turns to face the now hushed madness before her.The dancers, who appear to be frozen in time, discretely, one-by-one, step off stage. This is a scene all too familiar to many and they know it’s best to vacate at a time like this.Staff and patrons are silenced while bracing themselves for the inevitable.A red glow filters its way through the front windows, adding drama to the already sombre scene, another Western Ranges sunset bringing the day to an end.“I suggest that you holster your revolvers and step outside.” Meg glares at the men before her.“Lady, the owner of this establishment might have a different opinion. I suggest you step outside before you get hurt,” the stench from this man turns Meg’s stomach. It is disgustingly all too familiar.“I know the owner agrees with me Mister. Now holster your pistols gentlemen and remove your stinking selves from these premises.”A tiny giggle erupts from the silent yet crowded saloon as Meg raises, in one hand, the rifle that nobody noticed by her side.“Wait. You’re Meg?” the smaller man finds his voice, drops his revolver and makes a hasty exit.Meg’s gaze is still fixed on the outspoken man. “You need an escort or are you leaving willingly?”“Meg hey? Is that who you think you are? She’s but a legend, not real I heard.”Meg aims the rifle between the man’s legs. “Left or right?”“Left or right what?”“Left or right knee?” Meg remains calm, “My aim might be a bit off but I am happy for you to find out.”The people closest to this man quickly disperse. Five women, who had been standing separately throughout the saloon, are now on either side of her. Charlotte, Francis, Suzette, Lila and Claudine are the only people Meg trusts.“Lady, my knee is already busted.”She allows herself a hint of a smile. “As I said, holster your pistol, NOW.”“Alright, I heard you.” With his pistol now back in its holster, he grins, “Can I at least get a drink?”“Don’t push your luck. While you remain intact and before you say or do anything you will regret, leave my Saloon.”  Meg steps alongside and sees him to the door. “On the outskirts of town you’ll find a place full of your kind. When you get there, tell Joey the girls sent you. He will make certain you are looked after.” Meg watches as he mounts his horse and rides away.Illustration by Pepi—Stay tuned for more Wise Not Withered Character Showcases, every Sunday until mid-2020!

Welcome to Week 9 of the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! While each of these characters has a special place in my heart, I have to admit that this week's character is—by a small margin—my favorite of the twenty-five. I am ecstatic to present... NANCY SPACE ROCKET!I had lots of ideas about Nancy Space Rocket before I found someone to write her story. I knew that I wanted her to be sassy, sarcastic, and foul-mouthed, and that her story would be told mostly through emails. I changed her name to "Lady Space Rocket" temporarily, to keep the list of characters as ethnically ambiguous as I possibly could.When I was sending the character list to the writers and illustrators last year, nobody picked this character. This is what I had as her description:Lady Space Rocket - Age 89She rockets through space, in her SPACE ROCKET WHEELCHAIR. She stops to eat. She stops to shit. She stops at computers to send emails to her husband, children, grandchildren, and girlfriends. She can be… Seductive in the way she talks to her husband (when she stops to shit, she can also take nude pics in the bathroom stall to send to him), supportive to her children (grown-ass adults), tender and kind to her grandkids (emotionally volatile teenagers), sarcastic and complaining to her girlfriends (some live on Earth, some in other galaxies!). She zooms around Earth, blasting evil aliens away!!Most of the writers I had found at that point were Instagram poets, or otherwise writers that had experience with more serious topics. I feared that maybe no one would want to write her story. A couple people who were close to me even said that it might be "too much" for her to be so vulgar. Isn't that something we as women hear a lot? We're "too much" of something, we're "not enough" of everything else.An elderly woman who is firmly in touch with her sexuality, unafraid of profanity, zooming around in a SPACESHIP... Even though not everyone was on board with the idea, I knew deep down that this character was special and I knew I would eventually find the right person to write her story.What ended up happening is that I actually started narrowing my search specifically to comedians. I wanted the story to be funny, so why not reach out to women whose profession was rooted in humor?Not long after I narrowed my search, I found Lee Bartlett. Her standup sketch on YouTube had me in stitches:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MWGzgO_Vhw"I have a special privilege of being allowed to go in the teacher's lounge. 'Cause, you know... I'm a teacher. I walk in, and this woman immediately is like, 'Students can't be in here!' I work at an elementary school. I have worked at said elementary school for like, four months. Normally, I would just storm out, offended. But the microwave lives there, and that ham and cheese hot pocket was not going to heat up itself. Not that I'm above gnawing on it frozen... But no one needs to see that shit."When I reached out to this hilarious woman, I was overjoyed to get a positive response from her! Lee and I chatted on the phone shortly after, and boy oh boy! This insanely creative woman took my idea and ran around the galaxy with it. I gave Lee the bare-bones aforementioned description, and she crafted an entire universe (literally!) and extensive cast of characters.Here's the backstory that Lee came up with for Nancy:Born on EarthMoved to Moon Colonies at 12 years old, shortly after her mother passes away in a car accident.There was a great war over who was going to control the Moon Colonies that lasted for 3 years Her father fought for the winning sideWas given a LordshipChanges family name from Rousset to RockettNancella Rockett is raised in a castle in the Alphabetum city of ElliumNancella is a very good student, despite her smart mouth. By the time she graduates from college, she has a Master’s Degree in Political Science and speaks nineteen of the most common languages of the galaxyNancella meets Rowan Rochford at her college graduation system, they almost instantly fall in love. At 29, they marry and Rowan adopts Nancella family name. (Which is a moon custom. Whoever is higher up in the social system gets the honor of their family name being kept. This custom has evolved and now the lower social system spouse hyphenates)At 33, Nancella has her first child. A boy. Two more children will follow within the next five years. A girl and another boy. Also within this time, Nancella’s father dies of a heart attack. Her father’s passing makes her and Rowan the Lord and Lady of the estate. Nancella took her father’s seat in the Alphabetum governing system. She is a natural diplomat and has an extremely successful (Moon Based Only) career as she raises her three children. At age 85, the council decides that it is time to seek new planets to expand to. When they begin to select two-people teams to conduct these search missions, Nancella insists she and Rowan be one of them. After 3 years of training and preparation, Nan and Rowan get into a car accident. Rowan is paralyzed from the neck down and Nan loses feeling in her legs. The upper council tries to cancel the Rockett mission, but Nan refuses to let them. She grew up with an entire universe all around. She has met people from every corner but has never got to experience it herself. This was her chance and she wasn’t going to lose it. She trained for this. She is ready. “Project Retirement” is what the mission is jokingly referred to, but Nancella calls it “Project Encore” because this is her second act to her new life. I couldn't be happier with what Lee came up with. It's so important that each character and story—especially an elderly person who has many years of life experience—is deeply rooted in a solid background. I love that Lee kept the concept of "Lady" Space Rocket, and even fancified Nancy's full name to "Nancella Rockett".My initial idea was to have the entire story told through emails. Lee elaborated on that: in addition to emails, Nancy would also keep a "Captain's Log", using a speech-to-text application. She also included "Clinical Notes" from Nancy's husband Rowan's doctor visit, to give a bit more context about the car accident and his recovery. Lastly, Lee also included some instant messaging chats between Nancy and her friends.I'm including the first four pages of the story: Captain's Log #1 and #2, and Email Correspondence #1.I absolutely love what Lee wrote for Nancy Space Rocket, and it is so clearly just the beginning.The illustrator I found for this character was Sandy Rodríguez, whom I found on Behance. She made some really great illustrations for Nancy: one close-up of Nancy in her space suit, the inside of the space rocket showing Nancy's messy desk, and an action shot of her rocketing through space!Sandy and Lee both took the time to talk about themselves and the character, so without further ado, here is Sandy!"Hi! My name is Sandy Rodríguez. I'm from Guatemala City, and I started making art since I was like... I don't know, pretty young! I started graphic design, and I'm a self-taught illustrator, and I'm getting a Master's in textile design.Some of my influences are different illustrators from my country, and from other countries too. Like Lauren Alvarez, she's Colombian. I admire her so much—her style, and her colors have really influenced me. I take Latin America as my main influence and inspiration.The illustrations I made for Nancy Space Rocket, I really [loved] to do them! It was a pretty good experience. I love the story, it's fun, it's full of life. I wanted to portray that in my illustrations, and with the colors also. I hope you like the story and the illustrations—[I hope they] match what the story wants to get to the audience.I decided to join the Wise Not Withered project because I think it's a really cool project! With a lot of women involved. That's what we want now, right? In our society... Really making conscious about the importance of women in all the fields. I think this project is really all about that, like I said, fun, playfulness, and everything. I hope I can work with this project in some future, and I send all of you lots of hugs and hope to get news from all of you soon. Bye!"And here is Lee!"Hello, yes, I am Lee Bartlett! I am a standup comedian from Phoenix, Arizona, and the author of Lady Space Rocket. From the moment I started writing this character, I absolutely fell in love with her. Nancy breaks the mold of the quiet, docile old woman. The story is set in the future: it is 2120. So I tried really hard to think of the type of person someone would be if they were the child of the children raised by my generation. And suddenly this sarcastic, strong-willed, independent woman came into form.Creating this story was so much fun! Not only is it set in the future, but it's set in SPACE. It was so cool to sit back and imagine where we would be in a hundred years. I ended up doing some research on space travel, and developing technology, and medical things coming into rise, and learned a lot about the amazing things being created around us right now. It was even more fun to get to incorporate these elements like moon colonies, nanobyte healing into the story. It was a really out-of-this-world experience, to say the least.I put a lot of myself into Nancy. Not just my sassy mouth, but my resilience and tenacity too. Nancy has one of the worst things in her entire life happen to her, three months before she's supposed to leave on this mission. But she pushes through. She doesn't give up, nothing stops her. Not her age, not her disability, not her problems with her family... She just keeps going. And I feel like I have a little bit in me too.Whenever I hear Nancy's voice in my head, I picture something a little deeper in tone, and a bit raspy. She may be a Lady, but she definitely does not have a Disney princess voice by any means. As I was writing this story, I listened to a lot of lo-fi hip-hop. It's a special genre of music that's similar in beat to the classic hip-hop music, but a little softer in tone and a little more electronic. It adds a little bit of a sci-fi element to it, with some of the sound bites they use. And that really spoke to me as I was creating the story.I joined this project because wise women deserve to see themselves as the main character of the story for once. They don't always have to be the side character. They don't have to be the main character's mom, or grandma. They deserve to be in the spotlight too. I had an amazing time doing this project. I would absolutely do it again. The narrative of the emails and the captain's log give this story a unique flow and experience for the reader.I am Lee Bartlett, the author of Lady Space Rocket, and you should absolutely check it out! Not just because I poured my heart into it. It is an amazing read with a very strong female lead. And I highly recommend it! Thank you so much."—Thanks for tuning in this week of the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! More showcases coming on Sundays until mid-2020! 

Happy New Year and welcome to Week 8 of the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! I'm thrilled to present a very special pair of characters: Athiei and Akuol, an aunt and niece potion-brewing witch duo. The illustrator for these characters was Joy Ajuong, whose family originates from South Sudan; our witches have strong influences from the Dinka people who are indigenous there.Our American writer, Annamarie Mickey, did some fabulously thorough research and ran everything by Joy to ensure the most accurate and respectful representation of the Dinka people. Annamarie will introduce herself and talk more about her creative process later on in this episode.The witches' names came directly from Joy's Dinka heritage: Athiei is a unisex name meaning "blessing", and Akuol is the feminine form of the name Kuol, which is a type of bitter fruit that can be used for medicine. Joy told us that Kuol is a fairly common name in her own family.The idea I had for the witches was, like most of the other characters, extremely bare-boned. It was important to me that lots of different relationships were represented in the project, and I knew that I wanted the witches to be an aunt and niece pair. Originally I wanted the story to focus on the older witch, who is seventy-two, and conflict would arise when her forty-five-year-old niece messes up a potion recipe and accidentally releases and dark, mysterious power. Once Annamarie started writing the story, it became clear that both witches were equally important.I thought it was an interesting concept simply with their ages and exploring the relationship between two grown women who are some kind of combination of mother/daughter/sister/friend. The older witch, seventy-two-year-old Athiei has twenty-seven more years of life and work experience, but at this point her forty-five-year-old niece Akuol is pretty established and skilled as well.During the conversation over WhatsApp with Joy and Annamarie, I had an idea that I believed to be silly at the time. I had said that it could be funny if they're experimenting with potions, and Athiei temporarily changes their appearances to that of younger women. They both look in the mirror and say "Nah!"Annamarie chimed in, saying that she thought about the usual cranky but affectionate older woman and the younger person who has to deal with them. But then she thought it would be more interesting if the niece was more uptight while the older aunt is more experienced and is in the stage of life where she is somewhat embracing a second childhood. So Athiei might be known for trying things that Akuol balks at.I adored Annamarie's idea of the "second childhood", and it reminded me of hearing about post-menopausal women who in some ways revert to a more childlike state, in terms of positive energy and outlook on the world, similar to how they were before their first period. I didn't want to outright say that in the story, but the underlying idea would be there: the niece Akuol is pre-menopausal and coming to terms with "The Change" whereas the aunt Athiei has already accepted it since it happened at least a couple decades prior for her.Joy added her own thoughts, saying how it's nice to show that as we get older it can be difficult to accept changes in our bodies and lives, and having the older witch be more calm and cheerful in itself shows that this isn't the end of the world. You can always find joy if you wish to and her goofiness imparts that lesson on the younger witch. Joy continued: "As for this dark force, I think it would be important to tie it in with their personal hang ups. We could have it connected to menopause with the younger witch. Perhaps literally or perhaps metaphorically."Then Annamarie riffed on that: "Perhaps something related to fear, almost like when a teenager goes through puberty, prompted by uncontrollable and significant change. She feels that change deep down and doesn't want to admit it scares her. That could be partly why she clings so much to more strict magics and seems to have lost some of her creativity and imagination."Joy added on that again, talking about how Akuol feels a sense of control in her magic abilities that she doesn't feel in other parts of her life. She desperately wants to be young again, not aware of the darkness brewing within herself in holding on in vain to that belief: "basically a metaphor for how attempting to reclaim your youth rather than accept the grace of aging can have negative consequences both for your own wellbeing and others."The Potion-Brewing Witches' story is the only one in the Wise Not Withered project that has age as a key factor and conflict in the plot. It was important to me that although each character had to be at least forty years old, age would not be a defining characteristic for these stories, in hopes of normalizing the idea of middle-aged and elderly women as protagonists. However since the older witch has accepted her age, it felt right to include one character in the project who at the beginning of the story has not accepted it yet.My original idea was that the niece would somehow be at fault for the main conflict, and it also made sense that Akuol's mishap wouldn't be caused by mere carelessness. At that point she would be forty-five and more experienced and capable than to mess up like a novice. So having the darkness and conflict arise from her insecurity about aging—with a role model showing another way of aging—made perfect sense.The idea I had of a potion making them look younger also came with differences in how each witch would respond to seeing her younger self. It would make sense that Akuol, the more uptight one, would be shocked and yearn to look that way again. Athiei on the other hand would gaze upon their younger selves and relish in the memories of when Akuol first came to live with her and learn magic, feeling nostalgia and appreciation rather than disappointment and longing. Showing that difference in perception was indispensable.Potion-Witches Game IdeasThe original idea for Wise Not Withered was going to be entirely through a lens of gaming, but as ideas came in from the writers and illustrators, I decided to not put the whole focus on just games, but rather media of all types. The witches though, with all their different potions, would be great characters for an open-world RPG, with ingredient-collecting and crafting mechanics.Another one of Joy's idea: "Recipes could either be stumbled upon by player experimentation or by reading books scattered across the town or perhaps speaking to certain NPCs. If we wished to fight against the grave evil we could introduce combat early on say to hunt certain creatures for ingredients. This could teach the player that they can use the potions to augment their stats mid-battle. I think if you start with this relaxed Animal Crossing like tone for say the first third of the game, it would get people invested and accustomed to the characters' way of life so it would become shocking when the dark force appears due to their own hand. Sort of a tone shift, though the mechanics can hint at this future event."Potions... Potions...Annamarie did an amazing job coming up with potion ideas. Instead of simply describing them, I'm including excerpts from the story to show off her writing as well:"Feather-light potions enabled their feet to hover inches above the ground as they stepped out from their cottage, just high enough to walk across the flooded grasslands with ease - a welcome convenience in the rainy season.""The rain was still coming down steadily, and a deep fog had set in as the late afternoon wore on. Athiei opened a clear-eyes bottle, and the women drew lines on either side of their eyes so they would not lose their way. ... Akuol pressed a finger to her temple where she had drawn a clear-eyes line. By focusing her energy, she could not only see through the fog, but enhance her vision further.""Akuol dug into her pack. She carried a vial of mica and ore. She retrieved one of the villager’s gifts next - a cured hide of an ancient lechwe, finally at rest after years of wandering when the merciful earth called its life away. She plucked several hairs from the hide and mixed it with the mica. Then she held it aloft to the rain - to the cycle of water, from the ground seeping into the river and condensing into the air and returning to its mother, ever-changing even in its constantness."And now here's Annamarie, going a lot deeper into her creative background, creative process, influences, main takeaways from the story, and her experience being part of the Wise Not Withered project:"My name is Annamarie Mickey, and I am the writer for 'Always Constant, Ever-Changing', or the Potion Witches prompt, as it was first pitched to me back when Juliana first reached out to me. I am from the Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania area—lived here my whole life, went to school not super far from here.As for how long I've been writing, I've been creating stories ever since I could hold Barbie dolls, basically. As far as more polished writing, I would say as early as middle school. Probably a lot of people around my age, my generation can relate to growing up on websites like Neopets. Neopets to me was highly formative, and it sounds so silly, but I created vast characters and stories, and I wrote so much in middle school. I got to explore so many different kinds of characters and explore ideas from books I was reading, and just whatever would pop into my head. So that was a highly formative time for me.In terms of the kind of writing I like doing—and I think there were hints of this when I was younger, and it's definitely only gotten more polished and come more into the forefront as I've gotten older... I really like works that have an existential bend to them. Things that aren't always 100% straightforward, or sometimes maybe have bizarre sentence structure here and there, or really play with words, sometimes even creating new words or putting words together in weird ways that you don't see a lot, to really make you think about what you're reading, or pull you into the scenario of what you're reading.I think you see a lot of things like that more in short stories, because in short stories you have such a smaller amount of time to make an impact on your reader. When I was in college, studying literature and writing, I really fell in love with short stories. Flannery O'Connor was one of my favorite authors that I read in college. She's one that really just comes out there and smacks you with the bizarre, and the weird, and the uncomfortable.Also a lot of African short stories, Asian short stories... I took a few non-Western classes. They really delve into that kind of magic-realism bend. Sometimes you're not 100% sure what's going on, or things are a little bit weird... Every word counts. So when an author does something it needs to be very specific, and they're doing that for a reason. You can't just mess around with no purpose behind it.That's what I really love about short stories. And now in my older writing I really embrace that way of writing, and I hope that comes through in Always Constant, Ever-Changing. Cause this was a witchy, magical story. I really got to play with some strange language here and there, weird things of describing scenes. For me, that is so much fun to explore, and I hope that comes across to the reader and pulls them into the scenario we set up with Athiei and Akuol.With Athiei and Akuol, I think I couldn't focus on just one, because they live in such close proximity to each other, and Akuol has basically grown up with Athiei. Their lives and their duties and their job, everything is just so totally intertwined. They're both older women, but they're still both women in different parts of their life. I wanted to explore Athiei's wisdom, being the older one who had already gone through what Akuol is going through. That sense of when you're in your middle age, sort of reaching older age.Obviously I'm young, so I can't empathize with this, but I have plenty of older women in my life. My mom and my aunts. I can sympathize with seeing them go through these changes, and juxtaposing that with the older older women I see in my life, who have come to an understanding, a freedom of where they are in their lives.I think it's important for younger people to read a story like this, see characters like this, think about people like this. I'm younger, but obviously I'm not always going to be young. And younger people think about aging too. How's life going to be in ten, twenty years? They look to the older women in their lives and see how they handle aging. And that imprints on the younger generations on what to expect as they age. So I wanted to write a story that was focusing on that there is beauty in aging. You don't have to be scared of it.I wanted it to be encouraging for anyone at any stage of life. Whether you're younger and you think about, how will I be when I'm older? And possibly if you're older too, I hope that I was able to reach out and touch some of those fears. I think it's especially poignant in women. Our society places so much value on youth, and so much is sold to us on staying young, being youthful, and being beautiful. But there is so much to be gained as you get older, and really I think that's what Athiei tries to reach out to Akuol. Even if she doesn't come out and say it; it's the way she lives, the way she presents herself, the way she celebrates life and what she does.She goes into each day unafraid, excited. It's almost a youthful kind of energy, despite her age. The more I thought about that, the more that I really carved that into Athiei, the more excited I was to write it. I found the voice of the story, found those two opposing forces between Athiei and Akuol, and how they work together. And for me that's the heart of the story, it's them together. It's not just the one, it's both of them. Both of them navigating life with each other, what they give to each other, what they learn from each other. And for me I would say that's really the heart of the story.As for the more like nitty-gritty of the story, forming its setting being in more South Sudan. That really came from the artist, from Joy, absolutely. Right at the beginning, when all three of us had met—me, Joy, and Juliana—we talked about ourselves a lot, where we came from, what our influences were, what we were interested in. We really wanted to bring a lot of ourselves to the story.My bent is obviously always going to be a little more Western, because that's how I was raised, and that's the culture I'm surrounded in. I've always been drawn to... Like when I hear "magic", my first thought is going to be the more English, Western magic: Lord of the Rings, the medieval, the Renaissance, that kind of thing. A lot of literature I've read is that, and I do love that.But Joy, her family is actually from South Sudan, so when she started sharing that with us, I was like, we have such a great opportunity here, where I can bring my love of magic and just the idea of witches, which is always fun for me to play with. Magical realism, all the powers and works in the world that work around us—it always fascinates me. So any story that has magic or anything like that is super up my alley. So to combine my experience with writing that sort of setting, and reading those sorts of stories, and placing that deeply in Joy's culture. The opportunity to have someone so close to that. Obviously I did quite a bit of research. I also asked Joy questions. Pretty much anything I wrote I ran by her to make sure that it was accurate or at least...I mean it is a magic story. It is fiction. So it's not 100% accurate to real life. But making sure any liberties we took, or things that we did a little bit differently, sat well with the whole picture we were trying to put together. So it was so great to have that opportunity to explore a culture and a part of the world that you just don't see very often. So that was just absolutely fantastic. I love doing research and immersing myself in a different culture, in a different people. And the opportunity to bring that to the forefront, and having Joy consulting very closely on it, making sure the ideas I brought to it were respectful and proper while still hitting an emotional impact for all of us, was just absolutely amazing.I joined the project because a friend of mine who is the artist on one of the other stories, had been recruited by Juliana before I had. And we had been working on a project together. So she reached out to me and said hey I joined this project, it sounds really interesting. It's about older women in a variety of stories, it's about expanding the world of fiction to include the older women. That's up both of our alleys to do something like that.So I said yeah that sounds awesome. So I reached out to Juliana, and she immediately pulled me on board. When she sent me the list of prompts, Potion Witches was immediately up there for me, because I love magic and I love magic settings. I love what you can explore and what you can do.Magic brings such an easy and immediate way to explore the metaphysical. Expressing people's psyches and their thoughts and their pain. Their journeys and what they're going through, through the strange around them, the magic, and bizarre around them. How does that manifest in the world around them? And when you introduce magic into a setting, you can really bring that to a forefront, you can play with it in ways that for me is so much fun! So Potion Witches was probably my first pick, if not my second pick. So when we got our prompts, and I saw that I was assigned the Potion Witches, I was so excited!Working on the project was so much fun. I mean Juliana was just so gung-ho the entire time, especially at the beginning when we were firing ideas back and forth, trying to really hammer down what idea we wanted to do. There was a lot to get to the final product! (laughs) We threw around a lot of ideas before we finally settled on the final, what it eventually became in the end. And she was always just texting and messaging, which I don't mind! Because it means that the person in charge...One thing I've learned is that when you have a project, especially something like this, where there's a lot of moving pieces, and a lot of people working together, you need a strong leader. You need someone who is 200% passionate. Because if you have someone who is even like 90% passionate about it, especially when we're mostly volunteering for this, just to do it because it's interesting and sounds fun, you really need someone who is going to hold the reigns, and just be totally on-board with discussing any idea, and going down any avenue, and really encouraging all of us, and keeping on us to work on it. Like I said I don't mind, because when there's someone that passionate behind a project, that keeps you passionate.So even occasionally schedules get busy and everything, but I was still able to finish the story. Juliana was there the entire time, making sure that if I had any questions, I could ask, making sure I was still good, reading any revisions that I did, leaving me really great feedback that pulled the story together, really tightened the story as well. She was such a good second pair of eyes to have on the story. So yeah, working for the project was just fantastic and I'm so proud of the final product, and I'm really excited for people to read it.I hope that when people read it, they will ultimately come with a feeling of... Going into 2020, starting a new year, starting a new decade, don't be afraid. That theme came out organically as I was writing. Usually when I go into writing, I don't always have a strict idea of what the theme is going to be. What is the big message of the story?And for this one, the one that really came out was go forward, unafraid. I mean... Go forward despite your fear. We're all gonna be afraid! Instead of being antagonistic toward that fear, cause that's what Akuol does. She lets that fear fester in her, and that fear goes outward, it affects the world around her, the people around her. That's what happens when you let fear drive you. It affects not only you—it affects everyone around you.Akuol really learns that she needs to accept the change around her, the change in her life, the change within herself, both physically and mentally. When you accept that, then you can move forward with bravery in spite of it, and the people around you can help support you as you move forward. You're not alone in this journey of life.So writing this story for me, was just filled with hope, so much joy. There's so much joy in all the details of the story. And I really hope that that comes across, and I hope that when people read it, they feel that hope, and try to take that back into their lives. I mean, that might be a lot to ask for just a short story. (laughs) But for me, whenever I read it, that's what comes across to me. The hope at the end. The hope that I can take that into my life outside of the story. We're not perfect, but we try.I'm just so honored and blessed to have written a story that reading it now, it means that much to me. And I hope that readers also see that and hopefully take some of that with them after they're done reading. So everyone who reads Always Constant, Ever-Changing, I hope that you enjoy it first of all! And I hope that you find some of those deeper meanings, or maybe other things in the story that speak to you on some level. That when you come out of it, you feel that hope and joy. And if you do that, then I've done my job. I loved writing it, and I hope you love reading it! Thank you so much."—Thanks for listening to the Wise Not Withered Podcast! More character showcases coming out Sundays until mid-2020!

Welcome to Week 7 of the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! I took a break last week, and I will take another break in another six or seven weeks, so thank you for your patience! I am so excited to showcase Tsalo-Sesha Serena, the Mother of Nature. This character is particularly special because from conception all the way through to the completion of her story, she is truly the product of collaboration, between me and the talented writer RatoMil from South Africa.When I sent the list of 25 characters to RatoMil, she proposed a new character, the 110-year-old Amazonian "Real-Life Mother Nature". The backstory that RatoMil created for her was this: She used to be a city girl but lost everything she had worked for to an abusive marriage and found herself lost in the wild. For some reason she connected with nature and decided to settle there away from the toxicity of the city. She discovered she has a connection with the plants and animals thus she can hear and understand them and vice versa. She discovered her super powers and used them to survive in the wild and also protect wild life and nature.I looked through my list of characters to see if there were any that could be combined with RatoMil's idea, because I found it very intriguing and different from anything I had come up with on my own. Scrolling through my list, I stopped at the 48-year-old Legless Rock Climber and realized how perfectly the two characters could be combined. So, I proposed a new character who would be 79 years old, right in between 48 and 110.Updating RatoMil's original description, this is what the character's final synopsis became: She used to be a city girl, but lost everything she had worked for to an abusive marriage. Following a near-fatal plane crash in her 30s, she found herself without legs, lost in the wild. Ethereal plants and creatures helped her heal, and she connected with nature and decided to settle there, away from the toxicity of the city. She discovered she has a connection with the plants and animals thus she can hear and understand them and vice versa. Using her superpowers she has been able to survive in the harsh jungle environment for decades, and can also protect wild life and nature. Even without legs, she has powerful upper-body strength that allows her to swim against strong currents, and climb her way up and around trees. Working together with vines and leaves, she can also traverse effortlessly across the jungle floors.RatoMil and I chatted on the phone about the character and the story, and we decided that she would have two names: the first would be her given name (which would then become hyphenated with her husband's), and the second would be the one she chooses after awakening in the jungle. Her new name would show that she is fierce yet calm, gentle yet strong; the change of names would indicate her transition of letting go of her past and stepping into her new role and embracing her new reality.One of the most important aspects for the Wise Not Withered project was that for each character, the story's focus must be on her NOW, at her CURRENT AGE. Understandably many writers wanted to include backstory and/or flashbacks, and while backstory is essential for the writer in creating a well-rounded, believable character, I was very firm about needing the focus to be on present-day events.However, because the Real-Life Mother Nature character essentially has two lives—her city girl life, and her post-accident awakening—I thought it would be appropriate to give a bit of backstory as to who she was in her first life, and to show the stark contrast. Instead of writing it out like a story however, RatoMil and I collaborated yet again on an opening poem, which you will hear from RatoMil herself at the end of the episode.While I was drafting the poem, I thought about how beautifully ironic it would be to compare the restriction our protagonist felt in her marriage to the tight grips of vines and drowning in water, while later she connects with and finds solace in vines and water, this time in a drastically different and intensely liberating way.The illustrator for this character was Eazala Maria, from Argentina. When I first saw the close-up illustration that Eazala made for Tsalo-Sesha, I was in tears. She so perfectly captured everything I wanted the character to be, with wrinkles and sunspots, looking very peaceful and kind. I love the colors she used, and the details are simply incredible. The main illustration for this character happens to be my profile photo on Instagram!Now onto this character's incredible name! RatoMil speaks Setswana, one of the eleven official languages in South Africa. She suggested "Tsalo-Sesha", which means "rebirth". Eazala speaks Spanish, and proposed "Serena", which represents tranquility. RatoMil and I were talking about full names, and I thought it would be interesting for our character to have a long name. I myself have two middle names, in addition to what I grew up thinking was an excessively long first name. I used to be really embarrassed about my long name, but I love it now. So instead of picking just one of the names that the artists suggested, I decided to combine them, and our character's full name became Tsalo-Sesha Serena, which just feels right.The rest of the story recounts a group of invaders who come to the jungle in search of a mystical flower. The leader of the group reminds Tsalo-Sesha of her ex-husband, and I purposely left characteristic details about this man vague, so that readers may envision him however they want. There is another woman with the group, named Anna, who realizes that she no longer wants to help the others find the flower, and decides to stay with our protagonist in the jungle. The ending implies that Tsalo-Sesha is mentoring Anna as the rest of the invaders give up their search for Anna and leave.And that's about it from me about the story of Tsalo-Sesha! And now here is RatoMil, first introducing herself, then talking about the story, her experience with the project, and finally reading the poem that we wrote together. In the next phase of the project, voice actresses and composers will add even more life to these characters, and I am happy to announce that RatoMil will be the voice actress for Tsalo-Sesha's story. So without further ado, here is the one and only RatoMil!"Hello, I am Lerato Mileng, also known as RatoMil, all the way from South Africa, and I am a creative writer and storyteller, amongst other things. My first writing pieces, or written piece, was when I was an adult. I started writing creatively at a very late stage, as an adult. I was going through a very tough time in my life. To be particular, I was going through abuse. The experience was very painful whereby I could not find words to utter and express the feelings, and the next best thing I could do was write. I did what I call "bleeding on paper". Through that, poetry was birthed. I realized that this bleeding on paper created poems. I don't remember the first particular pieces, but it was poetry. I started writing through poetry, which was birthed by writing therapy.When I recognized it as well as the passion, the love for writing, then I took it further, decided to go further into creative writing. From poetry, to now books, books to scripts, scripts to... You know, the journey just grew like that, at a very rapid speed. I believe that I found myself in writing. I found my calling. So that's how the journey of me writing started, through writing a poem, and bleeding on paper basically.So I am the writer of Tsalo-Sesha, who is the Real-Life Mother Nature. Initially the idea was an Amazonian woman who was a hundred and ten years old, who becomes the real-life mother nature. It is an idea that came while I was going through the list of characters to choose to write about. And while I was going through this list, this story just came to me. I felt like actually, this story needs to be written. I want to write this story.I suggested to Juliana, the facilitator of Wise Not Withered, how about a story like this? She loved the idea. However, we decided okay, let's come to a common understanding, common ground. There was a character on the list, that was a forty-nine-year-old World War III veteran who lost her legs. So we decided to join the two stories and make them one.We worked on the story together, combining the two characters. Eventually our character became the seventy-nine-year-old Tsalo-Sesha, who is the real-life mother nature—the legless mother nature. She loses her legs in the process of the story.Yeah, it's a beautiful story. You know, the story flowed through me. I feel that writing is a very spiritual thing. Some stories need to be told, and I feel that it was one of those stories that flowed out of me that needed to be told. It was easy for me to write it, because some elements of it I could relate to, referring back to the abuse I went through as well. It's best to write what you know about. Elements of nature, turning into mother nature... Was just a beautiful twist to the story that developed. With Juliana also writing this with me, coming in to add other elements, it just grew into a beautiful narrative.Tsalo-Sesha was not originally born as Tsalo-Sesha. She is an African woman who was named Sammy Tswana by her parents. Sammy Tswana fell in love with a foreign man, from overseas, America. She went against her parent's will and eloped with this guy. They got married, they were happy, this guy was doing these great things for her, being the perfect guy.Sammy loved plants, she loved nature, and had a good hand at growing plants. In this new home in America, she could not seem to grow her plants. The environment as well, there was no outside, it was this apartment... Concrete jungle, you know? She would grow her plants indoors, on the balcony, but they would always die. There's something about plants, they're very sensitive to bad auras. That was the subtext of the story, that the plants always died.Eventually the main reason the plants died came out, which was that her knight in shining armor was not so much of a hero or a good guy. He was actually a criminal and an abusive person, and with time his character started showing. And this woman was now trapped in her home, abused and depressed, losing a part of herself every day. Through the story, Sammy had to escape.She was good with art. She was a creative person and she loved flowers. So she started painting, and making some money. Eventually she raised enough to go back home. She escaped, she ran, on the first plane flight back to Africa. The plane crashed, and that's when she loses her legs. Somewhere in the jungle, that's where the plane crashed. Now she became reborn into Tsalo-Sesha, and became one with nature, and grew into something beautiful that lives for and protects nature.Later on there were more characters in the story that came looking for something very precious. They wanted to take it back to use for wrongful means. There was a lady there that was special. Tsalo-Sesha was able to hide in plain sight, like a mystic being. The special lady was the only one who could connect with Tsalo-Sesha in a spiritual sense, and could feel her presence. Eventually they connected and became friends. It turned out to be a beautiful narrative. I just love the story, it's a beautiful story... It narrates how a woman can come out of a negative situation, a very testing situation, and grow from it, and become a powerful force.I joined Wise Not Withered because I wanted to be part of the force, the collective that works on changing the narrative of elderly women in the industry, particularly the game industry, as well as the whole entire world. Elderly women are seen to be frail, withered. The wise element in them is overlooked. They can change a lot of things, if the world can connect with the wise element of elderly women. I wanted to be part of that force that changes the narrative, and I knew that I could write stories that showed that part.It has been a beautiful journey. It was a joy writing that story with Juliana, and the poem. It was just blissful! It just flowed. How I wrote it, how she also had pieces gel together, making one story. I loved the process so much. I can't wait to see how far this goes. I can't wait to see the finished product. I can't wait to have these stories, written by women, globally... This whole concept of the global collaboration project, changing the narrative of the elderly women, in the gaming industry, as well as the world. Thank you!"——Stay tuned for more showcases of the Wise Not Withered characters, every Sunday until May of 2020!

Welcome to Week 6 of the Wise Not Withered character showcase! I am thrilled to present the character, story, and illustrations of Deni, a ninety-nine-year-old "cat lady", who has quite a fantastic saga of her journey back to her home with her cats, training them to hunt and battle, and live as wild cats do.Similarly to Nero, the Retired Cyborg's story, I simply gave my bare-bone idea (which was "a different kind of cat lady") to Natasha, who took it and RAN. She crafted an entire back story, cast of characters (people, cats, rats), and a riveting plot.Our illustrator was Carla, whose colorful, dramatic illustrations add even more life and character to Deni, her cats, and their home.Natasha and Carla both took some time to really thoroughly answer some questions about themselves and their work on the story, so I will let them do most of the talking in this episode! :)So first, here is Carla, the illustrator for Deni and the Cats:"My name is Carla Rodriguez. I am from Bolivia, which is a country in the middle of South America. I am a graphic designer, and an illustrator.My artistic influences go around everywhere, I guess. I do a lot of pop culture in general: comic books, manga, animation. What I can say is that my usual kind of work, that I do personally... I like to be very colorful, very distinct contrasts between colors. It's quite psychedelic, if I have to be honest with that.https://www.instagram.com/p/BsJkNK6ATGf/The influences which I have is a lot of Junji Ito, which is you know, horror manga. And Naoko Takeuchi. She isn't horror though, she's shojo. Very ladylike, woman-directed comics.I love pop art. I think that the most-known is Andy Warhol. I do love the lowbrow art, which is like another kind of pop art. The surrealist pop is kind of a new wave that is coming around. Casey Weldon... Hikari Shimoda, which is also one painter in Japan that does a lot of work that is very surrealistic, pop art. Those are usually my influences, very psychedelic and surreal.Well I really did like the theme of the cat lady. It's a pretty interesting theme because it used to be condemned to be a cat lady, like being a lady is something wrong. If you were going to be alone all your life only with you and your cats... Honestly nowadays, I think that is not such a bad thing, because I really do like my cats, and I do love animals. So for me, I'm okay with being a cat lady, to be honest. (laughs)I wanted to show that Deni, as a person, she is not alone. She is a very social person, with a lot of love to give. I really like that of the character of Deni. I didn't want her to be like the stereotypical cat lady. At least the one that people thought would be the norm. She wears very bold colors, she has a bold personality, so that's what I wanted to show about Deni.When it comes to the cats, I wanted her to be with the cats all the time, because when you love the animals, you just like them to be around you. They are like that. They try to go around you all the time, they love you. I wanted that to be on the illustrations.Now when it comes to the illustrations and the background itself, I tried to make it like the jungle where she lives now. That's why there are lots of muted colors, greens, the sunset... She is the main point, in fact, the main focus of the illustration. She is very bright, and all of the cats are around her. She has two other cats on the bridge. She is surrounded by all of the creatures that love her.She is a very bold, and very adventurous woman. I think that's the whole point of the theme of the cat lady. She is not only alone—she is doing something for her village. She knows the situation, and she tries to make something to make the village survive the whole onslaught of rats. That was one of the things I liked about the project. And that's what I tried to show in the illustrations!I joined the project because I really did love all of the concepts that Juliana was telling me about: the different kinds of stories that we wanted to tell. I wanted to see all of them, in real life. For me, it was a thing of oh, I want to see them all! Because I found them all interesting. Especially when it comes to stories of women, different ages, especially old age, it's pretty unusual. I wanted to see it come to reality. All of the stories are fascinating and I love them! It's a good thing for everybody, I guess!Also because, as a woman myself, I have to say that I always want to see that there are different kinds of things for me and for every woman in the world to do, when you [get older]. Society itself thinks that you are just valuable until one particular age. Let's say you are just valuable until you are forty years old. And then after that, you are just being waved out of society, because you are not "productive".I don't think that's true, especially when it comes to women, we are so complex. We are not just one role that everybody tries to tell. Only an old lady that will stay at home, and that's it. Or a sweet old lady that just wants to bake cookies—which isn't a bad thing! But I want to have the chance to say okay, I want to do this too. Maybe I want to be in another place, maybe I want to have an adventure, I don't know. I like the possibilities.The stories in the project—all of them are pretty different. They are not just an old lady in the house, waiting, knitting, or something. All of them are showcasing different things in life: different roles. That's what I really liked about the project.When it comes to being on the project, I did in fact love a lot to be with all the girls. We were talking with Juliana and Natasha, which is the writer of Deni and the cats. I really did like her point of view when it comes to showing her as a character. With Juliana we were discussing about what she looks like, how she has to be, and everything. So I really did like the project, I would probably do it again. It was a very nice experience!I like to work with a lot of people. I have my point of view as a Latin American woman, and Natasha had another point of view as an Indian woman, and Juliana as an American woman. It was pretty interesting to see the different point of views, and also how we wanted that to be reality in the character of Deni. Yeah, that was it! I think it was pretty cool."And here is Natasha, the writer for Deni and the Cats:Hi everyone. My name is Natasha. I am from India, specifically, from the state of Assam in the North Eastern region of India. India is a very large and diverse country, geographically, as well as culturally. There are many languages, religion, tribes, and communities. Currently, I work and live in the city of Bangalore, which is in the southern part of IndiaI started writing when I was very young. I used to write diaries and I enjoyed writing letters. As a teenager, I loved writing poetry. I think I have been writing for as long as I can remember. I did not undergo any formal training in writing until a few years ago, when I joined a writing workshop, called the Bangalore Writer's Workshop. In this workshop, I learnt the technical aspects of writing and it has really helped me hone my writing skills. About influences, I feel that our writings get influenced by many things, and many people. I think what influenced my writing in a big way is attending this workshop. My facilitators there and my batchmates in that workshop, along with all the lessons, have all help me improve my writing skills in an unimaginable way. In the sense that, technically I became stronger, and I gained a lot more confidence. I was less fearful of being honest. This was in fact a great benefit. I understood how vulnerable you have to let yourself be, if you wanted to write well. And I am not, I was not, the vulnerable sort, you know. I used to be more guarded, as a person, I think in a way I still am. Although with regard to my writing, I was told at the workshop that I had a very strong voice. I never knew about this before.I mostly write for fun. And so far, I have written a few short stories. Although, my day job involves a bit of writing but that's a very different kind of writing altogether. Anyway, when it comes to creative writing, I mostly write for fun.https://www.instagram.com/p/B1o1i_jh6XV/---About the story that I have written, it is about a ninety-nine-year old lady called Deni and her five cats. Deni is not the stereotypical cat lady. The cats originally belong to her granddaughter, Freya. And each cat has its own unique personality and is a character in the story. The story starts with Deni living with her granddaughter and her family in the city of Santa Cruz in Bolivia. Why Santa Cruz? Rather, why Bolivia. Initially, when I was drafting the story, I had mentioned America. And Juliana was like, why not some other country? And I was like, that’s right, why does it have to be America always, why not any other place? And Carla, the artist who has created the art for the story is from Santa Cruz. And we decided, it will be Santa Cruz.Deni has spent her entire life in a valley called Along in the North Eastern region of India. But now at the age of ninety-nine, she finds herself living a city life. And this is because her granddaughter is concerned about her and wants her to live with them. They are her only family.But Deni is not really happy although she is living a very secure and comfortable life. There is no purpose to her life. At the same time, the cats feel the same, you know, because cats instinctively like to hunt, play, explore. Left in nature, they would have been living a very different life. Deni has also spent her entire life in the valley of Along in North East India, surrounded by mountains and forests. The city life has given them security and comfort but deep down they are not happy.And one day, there is news in the TV that a calamity is about to befall on Along Valley and its surrounding regions. It is because of the flowering of the bamboo, a unique and rare phenomenon that happens once in fifty years. The rats gorge on the flowers and it results in the proliferation of the rat population.As soon as Deni hears this news, she knows what to do. She knows that she has to go back to her valley and do something. Deni is now unstoppable and is determined to prevent the calamity. She leaves for India and takes the cats along with her.The rest of the story is about how she trains the cats to live the life that they had never lived, you know basically hunting, fighting, and getting trained to kill their prey and eating raw food and finally prepare to destroy the rat population. They do this with the help of other felines of the valley. And the story ends with an epic battle between the cats and the rats, basically, between a hundred cats and a million rats.What part of my culture and interest did I incorporate in the story? As far as interest is concerned, I love cats. I have a cat, his name is Juno and I have him since he was two months old. He is about eighteen months now. So I have incorporated a few things about cats that I have learnt while taking care of Juno.https://www.instagram.com/p/BwkMLpfF9rz/Regarding culture, Deni belongs to a fictional valley called Along in the North Eastern part of India. The North East of India is a very diverse place in itself: culturally, socially, economically. I have not really picked any one specific culture with details. However, she does have mongoloid looks. Like South East Asian physical traits because that's how most of the indigenous tribal people in the region look like in general.Because of the dominance of the mainstream cultures in the media, the north east is not very well-known. When people think about Indian women, they have a certain perception. But in reality the diversity is mind-boggling. Not just in looks, but in cultures, languages, and religions. It has hundreds of languages, tribes, each with their own different a traditions, food, and clothing. I wanted the character of Deni to be relatable as well as have have a certain enigma about her. And so we incorporate some of the aspects of her looks, dress, jewellry, and so on from the tribal cultures of the north east. We don't of course mention any specific culture or tribe.About the place - I imagine it to be a beautiful valley surrounded by paddy fields, blue mountains, shining rivers, and lush forests. When I first started writing the story I did not have any particular message in mind. All I wanted was to, you know, enjoy writing the story and hoped that the readers would also enjoy reading it.But now that the story is complete, I can see some important messages emerging. In the story, Deni is ninety-nine-year old and she is actually a normal, elderly, woman, who has lived a normal life, close to nature. Her only special skill, is being able to befriend animals and importantly felines. But she becomes very sad and lonely in the city, while living a safe and secure life. Like most of us, in fact, she cannot seem to be able to decide whether to choose security and comfort over freedom. It's a very difficult choice to make, and we have to strike a balance somewhere, for most of us.Even the cats feel the same although they do not analyse and introspect like Deni does. But as soon as they find a purpose to live, their lives are filled with joy and excitement and something new to look forward to. So it's a beautiful life to live, you know, when you live with a sense of purpose.Deni realises her mission to save the people of the valley. But she does not do this alone. You know, she does not undertake the entire mission on her own shoulders. She trains the cats to to help her. Therefore, the message is that you can find a purpose to live at any age, no matter how old you are, you can live a life filled with purpose. A life filled with purpose is a happy life.And when you're old, with all the wisdom and the knowledge that you have, you know, you can always pass it on to others, help others, perhaps, find their purpose in life. The cats, for example, were also living a purposeless life. Although Deni decides to use them, she does it by helping them find their own true nature. And that's when all of their lives are filled with happiness.Secondly, the epic battle that the story ends with takes place between a hundred cats against millions of rats. But the cats win at the end. So I think this has an important message in the sense that in any battle, number does not matter. Purpose and unity matters. So who wins ultimately is not a matter of how strong your army is, it's a matter of your conviction and your purpose so that is very important.I think for Deni, it's very important to have a voice that is is determined and strong, but at the same time a voice that is not like that of a typical leader. Because initially, she cannot decide and does what her granddaughter wants her to. She is a regular ninety-nine-year old woman. When her granddaughter ask her to stay back in Santa Cruz she does not refuse outrightly, because she isn't sure about the pull and push in her heart between security and freedom.She does not make a choice until she hears the news of the calamity and that is when she takes a call. when I think about it, for most of US as well, it is very difficult to choose actually between freedom and security. But when the time is right, Deni becomes very determined and sure. So the voice has to be affectionate—that same voice can also be sure and assertive when the the need arises, when the mission demands.I don't have much idea about music but I feel that the story is very cinematic in a way that it has interesting characters, a definite plot, humour, and of course, an epic battle as a climax. So the music i feel should also be very cinematic.I joined the wise not withered project because I felt that it was a very unique project with an important purpose. We all know that old and middle aged women are not really represented in a powerful light. And by power I don't mean brute power, but power of character, personality, and intent. The power of conviction.I knew that I had to participate in it because it's not everyday that you get an opportunity to write about a ninety-nine-year old lady as the main character. I don't think I would have been able to come up this idea on my own although I have written short stories in the past, I have never written anything like this before. And I am so glad I did.—Stay tuned for more showcases of the Wise Not Withered characters, every Sunday until April, 2020!

Welcome to Week 5 of the Wise Not Withered Character Showcase! Today we are presenting the Widowed Writer, 40-year-old Ahlaam. I am currently losing my voice a little bit, so please bear with me again in this episode!My initial ideas for this character— the youngest of all twenty-five—was that her husband passes away unexpectedly, and she struggles to let herself feel the pain and move through the grieving process. I knew from the beginning that I wanted her to also have a close relationship with her older sister, and that she would have vivid, colorful dreams.The writer I found for this character is the talented Kanisha Vincent, from Trinidad and Tobago in the Caribbean. Kanisha's poems on Instagram were so beautifully put together with lots of lovely imagery, and she was one of the few writers I contacted directly about a specific character.As I mentioned in previous episodes, one of the greatest things about this project is the huge variety of styles across all of the writers that I recruited. Kanisha did a wonderful job of telling a story through a combination of dreamscapes and reality, sometimes blurring the line in a way that makes the reader feel the turmoil that Ahlaam herself is experiencing.The story begins with what seems like reality: Ahlaam and her husband Yaromir are enjoying each other's company over breakfast, with beautiful details about their surroundings. Right as they kiss, the entire scene shatters and Ahlaam wakes up, realizing she was dreaming, and the truth about Yaromir hits her hard once again. Ahlaam's older sister Tia is with her throughout the story, looking after her and doing her best to support her sister with her presence and cooking.Ahlaam continues to slip in and out of consciousness, and in her dreams she interacts with and sees memories of Yaromir. One of the last scenes is another dream where Yaromir, or rather a projection of him, encourages her to start writing again."She had a lot of work to do. She was going to create a memoir that would honour Yaromir’s memory. The accident had taken him from her physically but he would continue to live on in her heart. The pain would probably never go away completely, but her love would continue to burn bright."The illustrator I found for this character was Jennifer Geller, a Russian artist who has lived in many different places around the world. As with all of the Wise Not Withered stories that involve multiple characters who are not blood-related, the widowed writer and her husband are also an interracial couple, Ahlaam reflecting Kanisha's Afro-Caribbean background, and Yaromir reflecting Jennifer's Russian ethnicity. When the three of us were throwing around ideas about the story at the beginning, Kanisha made sure to ask Jennifer specific questions about her culture so that Ahlaam's husband Yaromir would have an evidently Russian influence. She ended up using the words "solnce" (the sun) and "dorogaya" (darling) as terms of endearment from Yaromir in Ahlaam's dreams, which added a really lovely touch to the story.The illustrations Jennifer made for Ahlaam's story are absolutely gorgeous. I especially love the ones she created with dreamy backgrounds that remind me of a star-filled night sky. Be sure to check out my website to see a few of the breath-taking illustrations.Kanisha took some time to introduce herself and talk about the story she wrote for Ahlaam, which is titled "You Must Think Me A Prince". So without further ado, here is Kanisha!"Hi! My name is Kanisha. I'm from the twin island Republic of Trinidad and Tobago. That's in the Caribbean. I started writing when I was in primary school, really early. I used to love writing stories. That could've been... Probably like, maybe sixteen to eighteen years ago.My influences would just be trying to express the dreams that I would have had. I really do love story-telling, so it didn't exactly matter what I was talking about; I just wanted to tell a story. I do write mostly for fun. The only story that I've shared outside of friends would be the story of Ahlaam. I do share my poetry, but it's really just for fun.So in the story of Ahlaam, she is grieving over the loss of her husband, with the help of her sister. It's just about a journey through her grief, and how she is able to cope and deal with it, and the support systems that she has.Caribbean women... Very strong. That is what I wanted to bring through, or I wanted to showcase in the story, the strength of a Caribbean woman. That's really basically the most relevant cultural incorporation in the story.In the story, Ahlaam is supported by her sister. What I really would like readers to take away from the story is that most of us—I know especially myself—don't know how to cope with someone else who is grieving. It is not necessary that you have things to say, or you know what to do at that time. And it's just about being there and being in support. So the way that her sister deals with Ahlaam's grief, that is what I want readers to really focus on in the story.I do think that Ahlaam's character is very sure of herself, she is very sophisticated. Like the character, I think her voice would have to be very smooth, very calming, just so charismatic is how I would think about it.Well I wanted to join the Wise Not Withered project because I just feel like Ahlaam's story was meant for me. Like it was fated that Juliana approached me with the story. I have very vivid dreams, and the way that Ahlaam's story was pitched to me was more or less the same. So I identified with the character in terms of shared experience. That's really why I really wanted to get into it. As well as I've never had anybody approach me to write a story for them before, so I thought it was a very interesting opportunity that I just couldn't let pass me by.It was a good experience, I loved actually writing the story. I loved the feedback that I got. It was different, it was new. It definitely made me feel like I could do this again."I love that Kanisha said she imagined Ahlaam's voice to be smooth, calming, and charismatic, because I would use those exact adjectives to describe Kanisha's voice!To end the episode, I'll be reading an excerpt again:"'Ahlaam, wake up, you’re crying. You must have had another nightmare.'As Tia shook her out of sleep she felt the moisture on her face, the wetness of the pillow below her. She looked at the empty space next to her again and began to cry in earnest. It was Monday. Her sister had come to bring her breakfast. And her husband was dead. The grief descended with intensity, folding her being in onto itself. Stealing her tongue and leaving her in tears. No matter how much Tia begged, Ahlaam continued to wail.She could smell the scent of eggs scrambled with butter just the way she liked them. Just the way Yaromir used to make them for her. He hated those eggs, but every time she felt ill or sad he would make them especially for her because he knew they made her feel better. The salty scent of bacon and the fluff of pancakes accompanied the eggs. But for all their deliciousness, they made her feel sick. Tears blurred her vision as everything faded away again."—Stay tuned for more Wise Not Withered character showcases, every Sunday until the end of April, 2020!

Welcome to the Wise Not Withered Podcast Season 2, the Character Showcase! This is Week 4. Today I am proud to highlight the Walk-in-the-Park Pageant Queen, Cassandra! She is a 65-year-old writer, blogger, mother, grandmother, former pageant queen, and celebrity from the fictional world of Filizuela.Story BackgroundThe writer for this story is the lovely Izhar, from the Philippines. The illustrator was originally from Venezuela, but unfortunately she was going through some very hard times in her country, and she understandably had to withdraw her participation. Izhar and I decided to keep the name of the country though, "Filizuela", which is a combination of the Philippines and Venezuela.My original idea for this character was simply that she was a "Walk-in-the-Park Romantic", who meets a nice man on her walks in the park. That's all! Izhar really took it to the next level. The story begins with an interview on a talk show, where we learn about Cassandra's extensive background and first claims to fame. She was almost crowned Miss Universe forty-three years prior to the start of the story, making history not just for the title but also for a catastrophic accident where she fell on stage and irreparably damaged her foot. Ashamed to leave the house right after the incident, she turned to writing, though eventually also public speaking, and she briefly ran a custom shoe-making company.Takeaways from the Story "Renewed"When Izhar and I first came up with ALL of these ideas for Cassandra's background, I almost thought it would be too much, but one of the points of this project is to showcase the adventures that older women still have into their older years. Cassandra is sixty-five, so it makes sense that she's been through a lot in six and a half decades! Not every character in the Wise Not Withered project has a fully fleshed out background that's in the story, but when we decided to include an interview at the beginning, it seemed fitting to briefly mention a lot of stuff that she's already gone through.In the interview at the beginning of the story, we mention many life challenges that she's faced and overcome, but the focus of the story is on her life now getting back into writing, and her budding romance with Sebastian, a fellow walker in the park. Her injured foot is part of her character, but just like her age, it's not the only defining characteristic of who she is.The rest of the story is told in first person by Cassandra. When she first meets Sebastian, he doesn't speak much English, and Cassandra doesn't speak much Spanish. From the start Izhar and I wanted to include some comedy in their interactions, using a translator app to communicate. Since the story takes place in the year 2054, I wanted to include an older woman who uses technology on a daily basis, as I assume Izhar and I and others our age will be, even in a few decades. I wanted to show that Cassandra already knows how to use her phone and all of its apps, and not need the help of her daughter or granddaughter, since she would have grown up with it.It was very important to me that we also show challenges that Cassandra faces in her new relationship, reference her past relationships, and show how it takes real, concerted effort to not fall into assumptions that your new partner will make the same mistakes as old ones. In the middle of the story, Sebastian lies to Cassandra about losing his job at a resto-bar. She has the opportunity then to come to terms with the fact that people can lie sometimes to people they love, to save their own reputation; she had to learn to forgive him and ultimately realize that his lie wasn't even about her. It was important that they specifically talk about being honest with each other, too.Now a bit about the two artists behind Cassandra's story:The story ends with a lovely beauty pageant that Cassandra puts on for other older women. One of the most magical parts in the story is when Cassandra walks around the stage near the end, to show the audience a real beauty queen walk, and Sebastian comes out to accompany her on the violin.The illustrator I found for this character was Laura Mendoza, from El Salvador. I wanted to find someone who spoke Spanish, who could check the words and phrases that Izhar and I incorporated into the story, between Sebastian and Cassandra. I first found Laura on Behance, and I was really interested in her imaginative and colorful style.Laura and Izhar both took some time to introduce themselves and talk about the work they did for the Wise Not Withered project. So without further ado, here's Laura!from Laura Mendoza (illustrator)"Hi, my name is Laura Mendoza, I am from El Salvador which is a very small  and beautiful country in Central America. I am an illustrator and graphic designer. I also teach at two universities here. I like traveling, get to know new people and places, illustrated books, create characters and their stories, and learn new things.My life experiences and points of view become part of my creative process with which I develop several illustration and design projects. I draw since I was a child, and I keep doing it until now. I got more conscious about this with the pass of the time, because I understood that I wanted do this professionally. So, I started to learn different media, developing my drawing skills and getting a more organized creative approach.For Cassandra's character, I tried to pay attention to the characteristics of a mature empowered woman, surrounded by a creative and artistic environment. A woman passionate about the art of writing and delighted by music. A fighter woman and excited about life.I thought the project was different and very interesting for pursuing the identification of adult women as part of different situations, cultures, languages, and roles. For the fact of giving prominence to women of different ages who interact in diverse life situations and who get ahead in the different problems they may encounter and also, women that can become inspiring references for others."Thank you to Laura for sharing with us, and now, here's Izhar!Izhar Aloy's Message (writer)"Hey guys, it's me! My name is Izhar and I'm from the Philippines. Today I'll be sharing to you my thoughts and experiences about the story of Cassandra. So first of all, I wanted to tell you about myself: I was the one who wrote the story—actually, me and Juliana wrote about the character Cassandra.I thought it was hard for us to connect at first, knowing that we live in different countries: I'm from the Philippines and she's from America. But thanks to technology, we're able to connect anytime with each other! So it was not that hard to pull the story off, and it turned out to be very beautiful and inspiring.I'm twenty-three years old, and I am a writer. I have been a professional writer for three years now. I know it is my job, but I don't want to call it a job. I'd love to call it a hobby! So writing is my hobby. It's definitely my go-to whenever I want to do something fun. I write novels, poems, songs—most of the times songs, because I'm actually a musician too.By the way, English is not our mother tongue, not our first language, so I apologize if my English is not very good, but I will try my best to communicate! (laughs)Ever since I was a kid, I loved writing. It's really one of the hardest questions to answer, like when people ask me when I started writing. I don't know, because I feel like I've been writing since I was a kid. I love reading novels, I love reading books: self-help, inspirational... My greatest influences are Sydney Sheldon, Robert Ladlum, Jane Austen, Daniel Steele, Sophie Kinsella—classic writers! I love reading novels, and I guess novels in general are the things that inspired me to become a writer myself.So let's talk about the character. The character Cassandra is really, really beautiful. I wrote the story and then I gave it to Juliana and she edited it. So basically she did most of the work. (laughs) So when I read it, when she sent it back to me, I literally cried. The story is just so beautiful, and the character was so amazing. It was more beautiful than what I hoped it would be, like seriously. It [turned out to be] such an amazing project.What inspired me to write about the character honestly was this project itself, the Wise Not Withered project. First of all, I wanted to say thank you Juliana for building this great project: it's such an amazing movement to empower women all over the world. There was actually a time when I was writing the story that I didn't know what's next. I was completely mental blocked, and I didn't know what to write next. I don't know what I wanted the character to be, what will happen in the story... I went to the Wise Not Withered project website again, and I refreshed myself with the mission and the vision of this project.Amazingly, it did not just help me to get through the story, to finish the story. It also reminded me that I should write with a purpose. Purely entertainment is good, but I should be more than that. I should be a woman of character, a woman who writes with a purpose. Not just write in general, if that makes any sense. So I was so happy that I became part of this project.Maybe you're wondering why I inserted beauty pageants in the story. I'm from the Philippines, and if you know someone who is a Filipino, you would know that Filipinos are so into pageantry. I don't know, there's just something about pageants that makes us feel excited, and connected. You know that feeling when you have someone who represents your country, represents your place if it's a local pageant—it's just amazing.The best part is watching the Q&A's, the question-and-answer portion of the pageant, because that's when we really learn from the inspirational answers of the women in the pageant. Here in the Philippines, we like to use their famous lines in our every day expressions. I know it sounds crazy, but we do! (laughs)What lessons do I hope readers will take from Cassandra's story "Renewed"? There's actually a lot. Hopefully readers will be able to get a lot of lessons and takeaways from the story. But maybe if there's one lesson that I wanted them to learn is that... To never be afraid to fail. Failure is natural. We always fail, so let's not be afraid to make mistakes, as long as we learn to get back up, and to learn from that experience, and to actually use that learning to be an empowered woman. Be renewed, start anew, and to continue life!What I love about her the most is that she's not afraid to fail. Or maybe she was at first. But she later on realizes that when we have a lot of downs in life, that's when we are able to get up! And also, that makes us more patient to other people. We will also learn about forgiveness in the story. I feel like that's the very reason why she was able to forgive—the story would hopefully teach us that patience is a wonderful thing. When we have failed a million times, we will be patient to other people who we see face the same troubles and the same challenges that we have had in the past.And also, hopefully the people would be able to view life in a different perspective—that's also another takeaway I hope people would get from the story. I read once that a life that you have lived for yourself alone is a life not worth living. That's a quote from one of my favorite local writers. When I designed the story of Cassandra, I wanted her to be inspiring. It was not selfish! She was old and she realized that at the end of the day, at the end of your life, when you look back, it's not that fun if you purely lived for yourself, and not for other people. When you die, what do you get? It's good when you look back over the years, and you see that you have lived a life that you shared with other people. You have lived a life that inspired many people. You have lived a life helping others, being an inspiration, loving and being supported, not just living for yourself.Hopefully this is a great message, especially for young girls, young ladies. We should hope to be someone inspiring, someone worthy to look [up to]. Not just someone who achieved the goals, achieve that, achieve this...Lastly, why did I join the Wise Not Withered project in the first place? I live in the Philippines, and we have such a very patriarchal society. I tend to get less respect than anyone else, because I'm a woman, at least from my experience. When I discovered about this project, when I met Juliana, when I knew about this project, I was so excited. I was a yes man immediately when I saw this. (laughs) This is where I want to be part of. This project is what I wanted to do.This project reminded me that I'm not just writing, I should write with a purpose. I should write to inspire other people. Being involved in this project makes me feel that way, that I am writing with a purpose, makes me feel like for once in my life, for a very rare moment in my life, I was able to connect to other parts of the world and actually be an inspiration hopefully, especially to young girls. To never be afraid, be yourself, to never be afraid to achieve your dreams, to fail, and to be a more empowered woman. We are all deserving of love, we are all deserving of respect, whether we are a girl or a boy.I am so excited, like really really excited for you guys to check out the story. I think a sweet, mature, grounded voice, but at the same time patient. Really, really sweet! I think that's the kind of voice quality that I want the character Cassandra to have for the voice-over. I'm so excited for this project to be done, to be completely done. I know it's going to be a really, really great success! Thanks to you, Juliana! I love you guys so much! Bye!"To end the episode, I will read a short excerpt from the story "Renewed":I got up from my bench and began to slowly walk toward the path home, when I came across a piece of folded paper on the ground. I picked it up. It must have fallen from someone’s pocket because it was folded up, a bit haphazardly but freshly dropped with the yellow color of the pages still untarnished. I unfolded the paper and stared at the words for a second, realizing it was written in Spanish. I tucked it inside my bag.I always found writing of others so intriguing. Decades ago when Olivia was a pre-teen, we would go to the craft store and get journals and gel pens and write in our diaries together. Sometimes we’d share our entries, but most often not. I knew that Olivia still kept a daily journal; I had been writing in a journal for years too, and kept a somewhat inconsistent blog. Blogging was still pretty new to me, so I hadn’t put too much of an effort into it yet.When I got home, I took out the paper again and gazed at it, intrigued by the arrangement of short lines. It looked like it could be a poem, though it could have also been a grocery list for all I knew!When I arrived home, my granddaughter Sheen greeted me, “How’s your walk, Mamita?”“It was fine. The sun was extravagant today. And,” I pulled out the paper from my bag and held it up, “I found something really interesting!”“Oh, what’s that?” Sheen asked suspiciously.“It’s in Spanish,” I told her with a smile, then suddenly got an idea, “I could use my translator app for this!”I opened the app on my phone and checked the words out, line by line. And man, what did I find? A poem. A love poem. I grabbed a notepad and rewrote it all in English.“The sun rises around the trees in bloomThe birds fly and my beautiful queen...She arrives, radiant as always”“The writer’s a natural poet, Mamita,” Sheen commented.“Maybe he’s writing this for a woman he loves,” I concluded.“What makes you think that it’s a ‘he’?” Sheen teased me.“I don’t know, I just feel it.”I spent the rest of my day keeping myself busy with house chores, while the paper and the poem buzzed around in my mind. I couldn’t help but wonder what the words were about, or who it was written by. The person who wrote the poem seemed so inspired to write. Inspiration... Something that had been lacking in my life for the past few years.—Stay tuned for more showcases of the Wise Not Withered characters, releasing every Sunday until end of April, 2020!

Welcome to the Wise Not Withered Podcast, Season 2: the Character Showcase! Today I will be talking about Huan Ling, the 96-year-old Traveling Model. I am currently battling a particularly intense flu and will most likely go to sleep right after recording this, so please bear with my sniffly, congested voice today.The last two weeks featured wise women with complex, emotional stories. One of the great things about this project is that there is so much variety! Huan Ling's story is very light-hearted and simple, but it still does a great job showing how rich and wonderful one's life becomes the more time goes by.I actually found the illustrator first for this character. Suyu Chen was one of the very first artists I recruited about a year ago, and I honestly can't remember how I found her. She was the first person to reply to my cold email agreeing to join the Wise Not Withered artist team! Suyu tried out lots of different styles, from hand-drawn to image collage to digital graphic design. We ultimately went with her digital, colorful, vivacious, and angular illustrations.Nicole Page was the writer for Huan Ling's story. I found her on Instagram, using some kind of "travel" hashtag, and she was one of about forty women that I had messaged that day, inviting them to write a story about a Traveling Model. I really loved the vibe I got from her page, called "Beautiful Soul Nicole", and I honestly thought that maybe she'd be too cool to answer me! So I was thrilled when I received a response from her. I heard back from only two people regarding this character, so it was definitely one of my more stamina-and-character-building cold-email-sending days.The story Nicole wrote is absolutely endearing and very charming! I knew I wanted the Traveling Model story to be about a fashionable grandmother and her photographer grandson, but it wasn't until I was emailing Nicole back about the story that the entire outline just poured out of me. She had asked about the story I envisioned, and this is what I came up with as I was answering her:Key desired plot points: Establishment and development of grandmother-grandson relationship.1) When Grandson is born, Main Character (Grandma) relives the thrill of having a baby again, in addition to becoming a grand-mother and accepting another view of her own daughter and herself.2) Grandson grows up, idolizing his grandmother, a supermodel. Establish bits of their personalities.3) Grandson hits a pivotal turning point in his life (high school graduation, or first romantic relationship break-up, first job, or even in early teen years with hormonal mood swings, etc.) and stops talking to Grandma as much.4) Grandson discovers love for photography in college, reaches out to grandma again since she is still a model and in photo business (I also envisioned Grandma being the former CEO of Instagram or a fictional equivalent of a high-tech multi-billion dollar social media company, maybe retiring before Grandson was born). They connect as adults for the first time, discussing careers, life events, etc.5) Grandma invites Grandson to tour with her to the next three locations she’ll be modeling. He takes professional photos of her at her fashion shows as well as selfies together.The story that Nicole came up with is told like a theater screenplay, mostly dialogue with bits of third-person narration in between each section. Like I said at the beginning of this episode, it's been so much fun to see the wide variety of writing styles that these women brought to the table.We chose the name Huan Ling to reflect Suyu's Taiwanese heritage, and Kevin as the grandson's name, to reflect Nicole's American heritage. Both Suyu and Nicole have extensive histories when it comes to traveling the world: Nicole was born in North Carolina, moved to New Hampshire, then to New York, studied abroad in Russia and visited the UK, France, and Italy. She also went to Peru for shamanism, and now she lives in Ecuador! Nicole has an inspiring story of her journey into yoga and healing herself from anxiety and addiction. She wrote a book called "Bite-Size Yoga: A Better Way to Beat Burnout". Check it out on Amazon here!Suyu grew up in Taiwan, has traveled to Japan, Singapore, Palau, Malaysia, Dubai, Amsterdam, Italy, China, Hong Kong, Seattle, and New York, and she's lived in England, Canada, and now Iceland. Suyu wanted to fight against the stereotype that models are shallow and brainless and only care about appearances. I think we all succeeded in allowing that idea shine through.—Stay tuned for more Wise Not Withered character showcases, releasing every Sunday until the end of April, 2020!