Podcast appearances and mentions of Richard Ryan

Free Masterclass : Click here You've been told that to change your life, you have to change your identity: decide who you want to be, affirm it every morning, and visualise your way into the new you. So why does changing your identity so rarely work? In this episode of Starting Over, Being You, Dr. Amen Kaur explains why the identity keeping you stuck is not a flaw to fix. It is a protection your brain actively defends, long after it has stopped serving you. And why trading it for a "better," more empowered identity is just a nicer cage. Bridging neuroscience and the contemplative traditions, she walks through what actually loosens identity's grip, and the one practical lever that has nothing to do with believing in yourself.What this episode covers:Why a stuck identity behaves like scar tissue, and the one question that begins to loosen itHow identity works as a perceptual lens, so your beliefs shape the evidence rather than the other way aroundThe expectancy-value science of motivation, and why losing your motivation is rarely a motivation problemWhy the "I have to" identity of high achievers leads to burnout and contingent self-worthThe counterintuitive truth about imposter syndrome: it is created by success, not cured by itWhat the Yoga Sutras, the Buddhist teaching of non-self, and the Bhagavad Gita reveal about the self that does the perceivingThe single lever that actually moves identity: how you respond to a thought, not the thought itselfA 30-second awareness practice you can do right where you areQuestions this episode answersWhy does trying to change your identity rarely work? Because a limiting identity functions like scar tissue. It protects you from something painful, so willpower alone bounces off it. Until you understand what the identity is protecting you from, it keeps reasserting itself no matter how hard you push.Can you actually control your thoughts? No. The mind generates thoughts automatically, the way the body generates a heartbeat. What you can control is how you respond to a thought once it arrives. That skill is called cognitive defusion, from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, developed by the psychologist Steven Hayes.Is imposter syndrome cured by success? No. Imposter syndrome is created by success. It appears in the gap between what you have achieved and who you still believe you are, which means the more you accomplish while clinging to an old self-image, the stronger it gets.Why do I feel like I have no motivation? You are almost certainly not unmotivated. Expectancy-value theory, from John Atkinson and later Jacquelynne Eccles and Allan Wigfield, describes how the brain weighs how likely success feels against how much the outcome matters. When an identity says "I can't," predicted success drops, the effort registers as wasted, and you stay exactly where you are.What does the Bhagavad Gita say about effort and results? In chapter 2, verse 47, the Bhagavad Gita teaches that you have a right to your actions but never to the fruits of your actions. The invitation is to unhook your sense of self from outcomes you cannot control and return it to the action itself.Why do high achievers burn out on a "positive" identity? Self-determination theory, from Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, calls it introjected regulation: acting from internalised pressure rather than genuine value. Combined with contingent self-worth, researched by Jennifer Crocker, it means each achievement only rents a brief sense of being okay before the bar moves again.How do you stop a negative thought from running you? You do not stop the thought. You change how you respond to it. Drawing on Hebbian learning ("neurons that fire together, wire together," Donald Hebb, 1949), responding differently over time weakens the old mental pathway and strengthens a new one. Think of the mind as a garden: you cannot control which seeds blow in, but you control what you water and what you pull.Sources and traditions referencedExpectancy-value theory of motivation: John Atkinson; Jacquelynne Eccles and Allan WigfieldSelf-determination theory and introjected regulation: Edward Deci and Richard RyanContingent self-worth: Jennifer CrockerAcceptance and Commitment Therapy and cognitive defusion: Steven HayesHebbian learning, "neurons that fire together, wire together": Donald Hebb, 1949The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali (vritti, the fluctuations of the mind)The Buddhist teaching of anatta (non-self)The Bhagavad Gita, chapter 2, verse 47The takeaway: You are not your identity. You are the one watching it arrive. The freedom was never in becoming someone solid. It was in realising you were never only one thing, and you do not have to defend a self that was always going to keep changing.Free masterclass: If you are in the middle of starting over and want to step beyond the labels holding you back, Dr. Amen Kaur has created a free masterclass to help you do exactly that. https://www.amenkaur.com/masterclassFollow Starting Over, Being You so the next episode finds you, and share this one with someone quietly outgrowing an old version of themselves.About the host: Dr. Amen Kaur is a coach and the host of Starting Over, Being You, where she brings together neuroscience and grounded spirituality for high-achieving professionals navigating identity, reinvention, and starting over.change your identity, personal transformation, affirmations, visualization techniques, identity protection, limiting beliefs, motivation and identity, self-image, identity and success, overcoming imposter syndrome, cognitive diffusion, awareness in psychology, self-worth, internalized pressure, spiritual identity, freedom from labels, neuropsychology of identity, emotional resilience, identity evolution, mindfulness practices

You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or check out the fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post.In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, my guest is Dr. Justin Coulson, an Australian parenting expert and father of 6 who has his PhD in psychology and is the author of 10 books on parenting and the co-host of the Happy Families podcast with his wife, Kylie. We discuss the psychology behind peaceful parenting, including how self-determination theory explains kids' challenging behavior. Dr. Justin also shared his three E's of discipline.Know someone who might appreciate this episode? Share it with them!And if you love the podcast, FREE ways to help us out:1- Rate and review the podcast in your podcast player app2- “Like” this post by tapping the heart icon ♥️3- Share this with a friend. THANK YOU!We talk about:* 1:45 – Introduction to Dr. Justin Coulson and his personal parenting turning pointHow struggles with anger and discipline led him to rethink everything and study psychology.* 08:20 – Learning to regulate ourselves, practicing repair, and growing over time.* 15:50 – Why peaceful parenting starts with the parent's self-awareness and regulation.* 19:50 – Understanding behavior through compassion and curiosity.* 20:50 – The HALTS frameworkHow hunger, anger, loneliness, tiredness, and stress impact children's behavior.* 23:00 – Self-determination theory and parenting* 33:00 – The 3 E's of Effective Discipline* 41:50 – How to use the 3 E's in everyday parenting moments.Real-life examples: screens, sibling conflict & collaboration* 49:00 – Building trust and the “goodwill bank” with kidsWhy collaborative parenting pays off when tough limits are needed.* 53:30 – Advice to his younger parenting self: “soft eyes”A powerful reflection on kindness, connection, and showing up with compassion.* 56:30 – Where to find Dr. Justin CoulsonHis podcast, books, and upcoming work on boys and healthy masculinity.Resources mentioned in this episode:* Dr. Justin's website and podcast* Yoto Screen Free Audio Book Player* The Peaceful Parenting Membership* Evelyn & Bobbie brasConnect with Sarah Rosensweet:* Instagram* Facebook Group* YouTube* Website* Join us on Substack* Newsletter* Book a short consult or coaching session callxx Sarah and CoreyYour peaceful parenting team- click here for a free short consult or a coaching sessionVisit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more!>> Please support us!!! Please consider becoming a supporter to help support our free content, including The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, our free parenting support Facebook group, and our weekly parenting emails, “Weekend Reflections” and “Weekend Support” - plus our Flourish With Your Complex Child Summit (coming back in the summer for the 3rd year!) All of this free support for you takes a lot of time and energy from me and my team. If it has been helpful or meaningful for you, your support would help us to continue to provide support for free, for you and for others.In addition to knowing you are supporting our mission to support parents and children, you get the podcast ad free and access to a monthly ‘ask me anything' session.Our sponsors:YOTO: YOTO is a screen free audio book player that lets your kids listen to audiobooks, music, podcasts and more without screens, and without being connected to the internet. No one listening or watching and they can't go where you don't want them to go and they aren't watching screens. BUT they are being entertained or kept company with audio that you can buy from YOTO or create yourself on one of their blank cards. Check them out HEREEvelyn & Bobbie bras: If underwires make you want to rip your bra off by noon, Evelyn & Bobbie is for you. These bras are wire-free, ultra-soft, and seriously supportive—designed to hold you comfortably all day without pinching, poking, or constant adjusting. Check them out HERESarah: Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. Today's guest is Dr. Justin Coulson. He's an Australian parenting expert with a PhD in psychology, the author of 10 books on parenting, the co-host of the Happy Families podcast with his wife, Kylie, the father of six children, and, last but not least, grandfather of one.We discuss the psychology behind peaceful parenting, including how self-determination theory explains kids' challenging behavior. Dr. Justin also shared his three E's of discipline, which I just loved.If you like this episode, please share it with a friend so more parents can learn about peaceful parenting. If you're a fan of the podcast, you can help us out not only by sharing it, but by leaving a review and a five-star rating in your podcast player app. While you're there, don't forget to follow the show so you don't miss an episode.If you'd like to support us even more, you can become a supporter on Substack to help us offset the cost of making the show. We'll put a link in the show notes.Let's meet Dr. Justin. I hope you enjoy this conversation and get as much out of his insights as I did.Sarah: Hello, Dr. Justin, and welcome to the podcast.Dr. Justin: Sarah, I'm so glad to be with you. Thanks for having me on.Sarah: Yeah, and it's morning for you, evening for me—nice—and I'm just glad that we could make this time to talk to each other. I really appreciate it. Thank you. So, could you just tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do?Dr. Justin: Sure. I grew up on the east coast of Australia, about an hour north of Sydney. Geographically, that kind of locates where I was. I was the teenage boy that every parent hopes they will not have. I don't think I was a particularly bad kid, but I certainly wasn't a good kid.My parents were spending a small fortune—I'm a 1975 baby, I turned 50 last year—but this was in the late '80s and early '90s. My parents were spending so much money to send me to a private school. Because we were on the coast—a very quintessentially Australian thing—I was wagging school.Do you say “wagging school” in Canada? Is that a term Canadians use?Sarah: No, but I think we get the context. I think it means not going to school.Dr. Justin: Yeah, I was truant. They thought I was there, but I wasn't.Sarah: We say skipping.Dr. Justin: I was skipping school. Okay, yeah. We call it a school wag.So I would go to school in the morning and get my name marked off in roll call. Then I would sneak out of the school. Across the road from the school, there were bushes—kind of a forest, or whatever you might call it in Canada and America. I would get changed out of my tie, long pants, and black school shoes, throw on some board shorts and a T-shirt.My surfboard was stashed in the bush, and I'd grab it from the hiding place. Then I'd jump on a bus, go to the beach, and surf all day. Afterward, I'd get a bus back to school in the afternoon, change back into my uniform, and race into the school just in time to get my name marked off, looking like I'd been at school all day.This was in the days before schools communicated with parents via email and text, because none of that existed. I was able to get away with it.So I finished high school. I scored in the bottom 15%—Sarah: Goodness.Dr. Justin: Not just my class, but of the entire state of New South Wales. My parents were devastated.I didn't care. I wanted to have a media career. I wanted to be a radio announcer. So I got into radio. If you've ever listened to the radio—and no offense to radio people—you know you don't have to do well at school to be good at radio. You just have to be able to sit on the microphone and say things that make sense.I knew I could do that, so school didn't matter to me. I didn't care about it. That's what I did.But this is where it intersects with parenting.About 10 years into my radio career, my wife and I were having some challenges, particularly around my parenting. We had a threenager and a newborn baby.That three-year-old—I had always held the opinion that my children would do as they were told, and if they didn't, I would make sure they understood that I was the father and that their job was to do as I said.So I was very punitive. I basically made all of the parenting mistakes you can imagine when I would get angry, frustrated, and ill-tempered. It's not that I was a bad father—I spent a lot of high-quality time loving my kids—but I was also really short-fused and highly aggressive.Frankly, I went from threatening to hitting really fast. You call it spanking; we would call it smacking. I was very, very quick to smack or spank my three-year-old, and it wasn't working.After one particularly bad incident where things escalated, I really did lose control. I didn't just spank her once. There were multiple spankings. This was like a 10-minute escalation session where it just got worse and worse and worse.My wife was out at the time. When she came home, I said to Kylie, “I'm a bad father. I'm not doing this well. I'm making a lot of mistakes, and here's what happened while you were out.”Full confession: Kylie has always been this wonderfully supportive wife—very kind, gentle, compassionate, soft-spoken, thoughtful, considerate, empathic—all of those beautiful attributes that I prize and treasure in my good wife.She was none of those things that day.She had fire in her eyes and said, “You are not living up to the father that I hoped you would be, and you're also not living up to the husband I need you to be.”And it took me back, because I was already feeling downcast. I felt like I was failing anyway, and she just—it was like she picked up a great big lump of wood and whacked me over the head with it and said, “No.”Of course, she didn't actually do that, but that's how it felt. It felt physical. Visceral. Like, Ow. This is serious.I left my radio career shortly thereafter.I was working at one of the biggest radio stations in Australia at the time, and I gave up all the backstage passes with global superstars and hanging out with record company executives at the best restaurants, eating their food so they could bribe me to play their music on the radio station. I went back to school.I became a full-time student. I worked part-time at three different jobs while studying full-time. I'd sleep under the desk at university so I could do the study and the work—Sarah: No surfing this time?Dr. Justin: No surfing this time, no. I was just so committed to it.After eight and a half years of full-time study, I graduated with a doctorate. I had to do a couple of other qualifications first, including a psychological science degree. I graduated with a doctorate in psychology and became a university lecturer.Along the way, Sarah, we went from having our two kids at that point to having our third child in my first year of study, our fourth child in my fifth year of study, and our fifth child while I was doing my doctorate. Shortly after I left the university setting, stopped lecturing, and started writing books and giving talks, we had our sixth child.So we're the parents—Sarah: Amazing.Dr. Justin: —of six daughters. Today, they range in age from 12—the youngest—to the oldest, who is in her mid-to-late 20s. She and her husband have a baby now. They've been married for a few years.Sarah: Wow. You're a grandpa.Dr. Justin: A grand—I'm a grandpa. We have a two-and-a-half-year-old grandbaby, four adult children, one in her teens, and a 12-year-old.So that's kind of my very short version of the journey.Along the way, I've written a bunch of books. We've got a TV show in Australia called Parental Guidance. We've had three seasons of that show on primetime TV. I've got a website and all the things that you'd expect—a podcast and so on.Sarah: What did you do when you had that aha moment—that realization that you weren't being the kind of dad you wanted to be, and your wife also agreed that you weren't being the kind of dad she wanted you to be? What did you change?Because you just mentioned that you spent eight and a half years going back to school. I imagine that you made some changes before you had six kids. So what did you do right away, maybe for anyone listening who can relate to those feelings of rage and feeling triggered by your child?Dr. Justin: Sarah, the first thing I'd say is that there was no linear change, and there were no immediate changes, because I didn't know what to do.I was unskilled. I was uneducated. I didn't know anything about psychology, and I clearly didn't know anything about parenting.But I found a mentor. I have a faith background, and there was a writer who wrote eloquently and compassionately. I just felt like he understood me, and he became a mentor to me.I also discovered a guy called Alfie Kohn. You might be familiar with Alfie Kohn.Sarah: Oh, Alfie Kohn was the first thing I ever read about parenting—Dr. Justin: Oh, great.Sarah: —before I even had kids. And he was on the podcast last year, which felt like a full-circle moment between how influential—I told him on the podcast, “You have probably had the biggest influence on me—not only in my parenting, but in my life's direction—of any single person out there.”So, sorry, fan-girl moment. I'm right there with you with Alfie Kohn.Dr. Justin: Yeah. I've gotten to know Alfie over the years as my academic career advanced and I began to understand where he took his research from.I read his book Punished by Rewards—I think it was a 1993—Sarah: That was my first one too.Dr. Justin: Yeah, it's a 1993 publication or something.Sarah, it was just so influential.What happened was, I was doing my university degree and learning things, and honestly, I'd be sitting there thinking, Hang on, the things they're teaching me in these university courses seem to clash with what Alfie Kohn taught me in Punished by Rewards.So I spent a lot of time in the notes section at the back—you know, all the references nobody ever reads?Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: As I went through them, I discovered researchers named Edward Deci and Richard Ryan from the University of Rochester in upstate New York.They had developed a theory known as self-determination theory.A large portion of Alfie Kohn's work is based on self-determination theory.So I really dug deep into that. I still love Alfie, but I moved very much into the academic side because I became a university lecturer and really got into the nitty-gritty of understanding the deepest depths of what self-determination theory is all about. That has become the foundation of the work that I do.And to your question: nothing is linear when you are trying to make improvements.Whether you're trying to change your diet, exercise, get your finances in order, or improve your relationships, you have insights. You have moments where you think, Oh my goodness, this is what I need to do. I need to show up with warmth on my face and soft eyes.And then three hours later, one of your children does something, and you forget what soft eyes look and feel like. You look at them with hard eyes, frustration in your voice, and short, clipped sentences.Then half an hour later, you think, Oh, self-awareness. I missed that.So it's this gradual process: two steps forward, one step back. Three steps forward, one step back. Four steps forward, three steps back. Eight steps forward, no steps back.Over the years, I had this beautiful experience—and maybe you've had a similar experience in your family as you've raised your kids.We were maybe in my third or fourth year of study. My wife has an early childhood background. She knows child development. She knows what kids need.She was a little skeptical about a lot of the things I was starting to talk about and discover as I went through university and got into the depths of what the research meant—comparing and contrasting it with what was mainstream, but actually not always quite right.We had some tension around how we should respond to the children. I was moving away from that authoritarian bent and developing ideas around exploring their world more.One night, I came home from university a little late. It was probably around 9:00 p.m. Our three children were still awake.As I drove into the driveway, all the lights in the house were on. The windows were open. Looking through the living room window, I could tell the house was—to put it politely—a mess.And as I stepped into the house, the kids—it was just awful.I walked over to Kylie and said, “Honey, it looks like it's been a pretty tough day.”I was trying to be compassionate and empathic. I was really trying to do what psychology says is the right thing to do.Kylie looked at me without hesitation and said, “Don't give me any of that psychology crap. I've had the worst day in the world.”Then she stormed out and said, “You fix it,” and walked into the bedroom and closed the door.Again, this is not how my wife usually is, but it had been a really rough day. The kids were feral. The house was a mess.I looked at my priorities. I sat down with the child who was struggling the most and worked with her for two or three minutes. She calmed down, I gave her a little food, and put her to bed.Within about 20 minutes, I had all three kids in bed, and I was so proud of myself.I stepped into the kitchen and started tidying up. I thought, I'll just give Kylie some space.After another 30 or 40 minutes of tidying, I stepped into the living room and said, “Honey, I know you're really upset. It's been a pretty tough day. I wasn't trying to be judgy or anything.”And she said, “It's fine for you. You're not dealing with it all day. You walk in and think you can just snap your fingers and everything's fine.”Then she looked at me and said, “But tonight, you walked in and it feels like you snapped your fingers and everything's fine.”And we had this beautiful conversation where she said, “I've been resenting the things you've been trying to tell me because it felt like you were telling me I was wrong.“But I've been watching, and I'm actually seeing that the things you're doing are working, and our family is feeling better.”It took four or five years to get there, Sarah.It's not like I had this epiphany—I'm a bad father, I need to change—and suddenly I was a good dad.There were many embarrassing, shameful moments after that epiphany where I still made terrible decisions and treated the children badly.Even today, I still lose my temper, say things I shouldn't, and get frustrated, because kids are kids and we're fallible humans.But we call parenting parenting because it's about us. If it were about children, we'd call it childrening.Which sounds silly, right?Dr. Justin: But what I've really discovered is that if I can learn how to regulate myself—high emotions equal low intelligence—then I can regulate my emotions, turn them up or down appropriately for the context, and keep them in harmony with my long-term goals, which are to have loving, kind relationships with my children.If I can do that, I'm going to approach them with a tremendously different focus than I will if I'm looking for a short-term fix.And that is something—Anger is a habit. Yelling is a habit. Time-out is a habit. Reward charts are a habit.We can create other habits. We just have to understand the processes and principles behind those habits and then practice them, like we practice a song on the piano, until we finally get it right.Sarah: I love that.So you and Kylie really had a journey—a back-and-forth dance of your own processes and your own development.I do love how you say it's really about us. Whenever I'm working with clients, after a couple of sessions they'll say, “You know what? This isn't even about my kid. This is just about me.”Dr. Justin: Yes. Yes.Sarah: Nobody wants to believe that at first, because it's so much easier to think, I've just got to change them and what they're doing.But it's really all about what we're bringing to the moment and what we're bringing to the relationship.Dr. Justin: I get in trouble sometimes for being overly provocative and saying things that are insensitive, so a quick warning:I want to say what I'm about to say with all the compassion in the world and all the tenderness and care in the world, because I work with people every single day who are dealing with exactly the struggles you're talking about.I want to step into the world of neurodiversity—ADHD, autism, trauma—those kinds of areas.What we're talking about applies there as well. It's just harder.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: But ultimately, if I'm raising an ADHD child or a child who's been through a traumatic experience, once again, parenting is not about them. It's about how I show up for them.So I can say, “Well, my child's like that,” or, “I'm like this because of the diagnosis,” or because of the label, or because of the trauma, or because of the neural networks doing what they're doing.I can say all of those things, and many people do. It's understandable, and I have all the compassion in the world for them when they do.But the key thing I want to highlight is that in spite of all of those challenges your child might be facing—or even that you might be facing—today begins now.It begins with what you put on your face and what you think in your mind.If we can soften our features and go to our children with kindness and compassion while still holding appropriate limits—or working with them to develop appropriate limits—then what we can say is:“Yes, that bad thing happened,” or, “Yes, we are dealing with this difficulty, so what are we going to do about it?”We can fall into the I can't do anything way of thinking, which is really ineffective and doesn't help at all.Or we can step into I have this incredible thing psychologists call agency, or self-efficacy, where I can make a decision now, and if we work on it, we can actually improve things.It might be a longer, harder road. There may be more obstacles to climb over than a typical family without those challenging circumstances.It may be harder.But we can always improve.I never want to be the person who puts limits on what kids can do or what parents can do.If we change our language, change our focus, and recognize that this is a long game—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —which requires sustained effort every single day, it's extraordinary the progress we can make and the changes we can create in our home and our family.Sarah: For sure. Yeah.And unfortunately, it's a long game, right? Because I think today we always want quick answers and solutions.Really, it's just showing up every day as best you can and repairing when you don't show up the way you wish you had.And I think another really important part of it—which you were talking around a little bit—is trying to understand our child's experience and see things from their perspective.I was just talking to a client about that today:What's the most emotionally generous explanation you can come up with for their behavior?Because we don't actually know why anyone does anything, since we're not in their brain.But we often jump to, They're being rude on purpose, or They're trying to annoy me.Really, if we can think, Well, I don't know why they're doing this, but there's probably a reason, because kids want to be good. They want to be connected with us.And just reminding ourselves that they're not giving us a hard time—they're having a hard time.That actually makes it easier, I think, to show up as your best, most compassionate self—with, as you say, soft eyes and warm features.Dr. Justin: Yeah.No child wakes up in the morning thinking, Today's the day. I'm just going to ruin everything.This is the perfect opportunity. My parents are tired and frazzled. There's a cost-of-living crisis. There are all these challenges happening, and if ever there was a moment—it's now. I'm going to do it today.They don't wake up thinking that.Like you said—and you said it so perfectly—kids really do want to please us.I know some parents listening to me say that right now are thinking, No, no. My child does not want to please me.And so the question becomes: Why? Why are they struggling?And maybe this is a nice way for me to bring in some of the principles I learned as I went deeper into self-determination theory.There are a couple of times when children are almost guaranteed to be challenging, and this has nothing to do with self-determination theory. This is just general psychology and wellbeing.I always think of Germany. A police officer tells you to stop, but they don't say the word stop because they're German.In German, the word for stop is halt—H-A-L-T.So we add an S to the end, and the acronym becomes:Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, or Stressed.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Those are the five times when you can all but guarantee your children are not going to be doing well.If they are hungry, get some food into them—ideally a little protein, because it's satiating and helps them feel full quickly.If they're angry, then we've got to remember: high emotions equal low intelligence.You can't think straight in a high emotional state.So our job is to get curious, not furious, because if we fight fire with fire, we end up with a scorched-earth policy and everything gets burned.Dr. Justin: Lonely.I could be sitting right next to you, Sarah, and feel disconnected and lonely—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —even if we were very close.Our children are sometimes literally sitting at our kitchen bench, and they feel alone. They feel a little lost. Because of the way we're responding to them—with hard commands, correction, and direction rather than connection—they feel lonely.Tired.I don't even need to explain that.Even as adults, I don't know any couple who, at the end of witching hour—or whatever you might call it in North America, that 5:00 to 7:00 p.m. stretch when the kids—Sarah: Yeah.Dr. Justin: —are just oof…It's the end of that period, and you're exhausted, the kids are exhausted, and you look at your husband or wife and say, “You know what? We are so tired. We're shattered. But boy, are we nailing it tonight.”Nobody ever says that when they're tired—Sarah: Yeah.Dr. Justin: —because you're not nailing it. You're just hanging in there.And it's the same with kids.Then the S is for stressed, and that includes sickness, because sickness is a stress on the body as well.Those five indicators are going to let you know when your child is likely to be challenging, and I think they're really good to watch out for.But if we go a little deeper and talk about self-determination theory, it says that each of us has these needs.You have them, Sarah, and I have them, and our children have them—even your mother-in-law has them.We have three basic psychological needs.When we're in environments where those needs are supported, oh my goodness, we thrive. These are environments we're drawn to and attracted to. We approach them with a smile on our face and can't wait to be there.But if the environment is what researchers call need-thwarting or need-frustrating—meaning it frustrates and thwarts those needs—then we avoid it.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Or, if we're in those environments, we act in ways that are challenging.So the basic psychological needs are:Number one: a sense of relationship, or relatedness. That's the technical term they use.Relatedness is a sense of mutual belonging.Sarah: So would it be similar to mattering? Like you feel like you matter to somebody?Dr. Justin: Yeah. There's been a lot of talk recently about mattering.But it's reciprocal mattering. It's not just one-way.It's I matter to you, but you matter to me.Sarah: Yeah.Dr. Justin: Let me use Mother's Day as an example.We just had Mother's Day in Australia at the start of May.If I've got a great relationship with my mother-in-law, and it's Mother's Day, I'm probably going to spend the morning with my wife and family while my children celebrate their mum. Then maybe at lunchtime, we head over to the in-laws to celebrate my wife's mum.If I feel like that relationship need is supported at my mother-in-law's—meaning there's mutual belonging, I matter to her, she matters to me, we enjoy one another's company, and it feels good—I'm going to say:“Great. Let's get in the car. Let's go. What do we need to do?”But if I'm going to a need-frustrating environment—if there's tension, antagonism, snide remarks, eye rolls, silence, defensiveness, or wounds from bad things that happened in the past—that environment doesn't feel good to me.So I'm going to say to Kylie:“Honey, why don't you take the kids to your mum's? Have a great lunch. We've made a big mess this morning, and I think the best thing I can do for your Mother's Day”—and I'll frame it nicely, of course—“is stay home, tidy the house, clean up the kitchen, get everything ready, and put dinner on for tonight so you can have your perfect Mother's Day dinner. I'll see you in four hours.”And then I send her out the door.Why?Because my in-laws' home has become a need-thwarting or need-frustrating environment. I just don't want to be there.And if I am there, I'm going to be sullen and sulky. I might try my best for half an hour and then say, “Oh, this is too hard,” and retreat—Sarah: Or text. The adult version of misbehavior.Dr. Justin: Yes, exactly. Exactly.But if I'm a child in a need-thwarting or need-frustrating environment, I'm going to get into fights with the kids I don't like.Or I'm going to say, “I don't want to go to school because everyone picks on me because I don't regulate my behavior properly because I've got ADHD.”Right?So school becomes a place I don't want to go.Or maybe you have a faith background and your child doesn't have any friends at church.Or you've signed them up for soccer, but they don't know anyone on the team.And they're saying, “Yeah, but I don't want to go.”It all comes down to relationship.Relationship is the basic psychological need that's being thwarted.Now, the second basic psychological need is competence.Competence, I would describe as feeling like I can do the thing I'm being asked to do.Sarah: Or that I want to do.Dr. Justin: Yeah. We'll get to want to in just a second, because want-to is the third basic psychological need—autonomy.So stay with me on competence for a second.Competence is capability. Capacity.It's not even necessarily about being able to do something—it's about feeling like you're making progress toward the goal.Let's say I'm joining acrobatics and trying to learn how to do a handstand.That's really tricky. It's a tough skill.If I show up every week to acrobatics, even if I've got great friends there—so my relationship need is supported—and I love my coach, but every time I try to do a handstand my shoulders buckle, my elbows aren't straight, my form is wrong, I fall over, or I can't stay up…After four or five or six weeks, I'm going to say:“I don't like this anymore. I'm out.”I had a daughter who wanted to come cycling with me.I'm a really keen cyclist. I ride on the road. I'm a middle-aged man in Lycra.But I also ride on the velodrome.You've seen those velodrome bikes at the Olympics—the indoor track where they go around and around and around.You might have noticed that after they finish the race, they keep pedaling and do another 10 laps.The reason is twofold.Number one: there are no brakes on those bikes.And second: they use what's called a fixed gear, meaning that when the wheels are spinning, the pedals are spinning.If you stop pedaling, you're going to get thrown over the handlebars because the wheels are still moving, which means the pedals are still moving, even if you try to stop them.So you just have to keep riding until the bike slows down.My daughter wanted to come to Friday night velodrome racing with me.We didn't have the money, but we spent all this cash on a bike, the Lycra, the helmet, the special shoes—it cost a lot, and I was a poor university student.But my daughter wanted to cycle with me, and I wasn't going to miss that opportunity. So we sacrificed and made it happen.Unfortunately, she was competing against girls who had been riding for four, five, or six years.For the first few weeks, she gave it a good go, but she was losing by several laps every race.After about a month, she said:“Dad, I don't want to do this anymore.”And my response was:“But I've spent all this money.”But what was really going on was that as much as she liked the girls and the atmosphere, she didn't feel competent—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —and she didn't see progress.She didn't feel like she was ever going to master the activity, so her motivation and wellbeing plummeted.Cycling became a need-thwarting environment for her.Whether it's piano, violin, rock climbing, cycling, swimming, math, PE class—it doesn't matter.If your kids don't feel like they can do the thing, they're going to push back.They're going to say:“This is too hard. I don't like it.”They won't use these exact words, but what they're really saying is:“This is a need-frustrating environment for me. I don't like it. I don't want to be there.”And then they start to act out.My mom got to the stage with me as a 13-year-old boy where she was physically holding me by the arm and dragging me into my piano lessons.Dr. Justin: Which brings me to my third and final basic psychological need, which is autonomy.A lot of people hear the word autonomy and think it means freedom—that kids can do whatever they want. They think it means independence.That's not what autonomy means, certainly not in the strict scientific form we're talking about within this theory.Rather, autonomy comes down to identifying the value of an activity and therefore endorsing the actions required to do the activity.See, if I, as a 12-year-old, looked at piano and thought:This is going to be a lifelong skill that will bring me joy, that I'll be able to share with others, that I can use in service of my family and community. If I can play piano or keyboard, I could be in a band. I could do all of these things.If I identified the value in the activity, then I would endorse the work required to learn it.So autonomy is not about freedom and independence. It's about choice based on values.That's a lot when you're thinking about three-, four-, and five-year-olds, but not necessarily—Sarah: No, I love that.We talk about that all the time in my communities—how important it is for kids to have autonomy.And I think you can have autonomy even when kids can't be independent, right?Because you can't have a four-year-old who's independent, but you can have a four-year-old who can make decisions that matter.Dr. Justin: Yes, yes.And that decision goes well beyond, Do you want to wear the blue suit or the green one?Sarah: I'll quote our friend Alfie Kohn. He says, “Kids should have the ability to make decisions that make adults gulp a little bit.”Dr. Justin: I love it. Yes. Beautiful.Let me give an adult version of this, and then I'll swing it back into childhood, because sometimes parents hear this and think, This isn't quite computing for me.In Canada, you drive on the right-hand side of the road.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: And it's true that if you choose to drive on the left-hand side of the road, the authorities will probably get involved. You may cause harm to somebody. You could even end up in prison.But even in the middle of the night, when nobody's on the road, I can't imagine there are too many Canadians who get in the car and think:Tonight's the night. Nobody's watching. I'm gonna drive on the left.You are being absolutely controlled by the government and by the law. You're driving on the right-hand side of the road.But because you identify the value in driving on the right-hand side of the road, nobody has to compel you to do it.You just do it because you endorse the idea that driving on the right is safer. It's what you need to do.So our job with our children is twofold.First, when it comes to these basic psychological needs, we want to help them be in environments—or create environments—where those needs are supported.We want to send them to a school where they have good relationships, where somebody says, “Hey, come sit with us,” where teachers know them by name and smile when they see them and are excited to support them.A school where they're able to experience progress—which might mean less emphasis on grades and more emphasis on developing capability.And a school where they feel like they have some say in where they're going and what they're doing.Rather than being forced to attend a school like I was when I was a teenager, they get to say:“No, I want to go to that school because that's where my friends are.”Or:“That's where the teachers help me feel good.”Or:“That's where my interests lie.”That's the basic psychological-needs concept.Now let's bring that into discipline, which is what started this whole conversation.Based on this theory—and I guess it ties back to a lot of what Alfie Kohn has said as well—I developed a little model that's really easy to memorize and even easier to enact.I call it the Three E's of Effective Discipline.The Three E's of Effective Discipline are need-supportive.If you look at the root of the word discipline, it comes from the idea that we teach, guide, and instruct—that we show the way to follow.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: But if you look at the modern definition of discipline, the modern definition is punish.Punish means exact retribution. It means hurt. It means make someone pay a price.Sarah: Make people feel bad on purpose.Dr. Justin: Yeah. That's exactly right.And I'm interested in disciplining our kids, not punishing our kids.Punishment is need-thwarting, right?If you make someone feel bad on purpose, there goes the relationship. They feel incompetent, and you've taken away their autonomy.So standard discipline strategies—whether it's time-out, spanking, yelling, withdrawing privileges, taking away the iPad, bribery—all of those standard discipline practices trample over basic psychological needs.We've got to come up with something better.So I developed the Three E's of Effective Discipline, which are basically this:On a beautiful bed of empathy, we explore, we explain, and we empower.Sarah: Ooh, I love that.Dr. Justin: Explore basically means I sit down with my child at an appropriate time.Because we always try to fix things right here, right now.Sometimes we need to, but often intervention simply to make sure people and property aren't hurt—that's all you need.Then you can say to your child:“We'll have a chat about this later when nobody's got a head full of steam.”Kick it down the road.You don't have to fix things right here, right now. Most of the time, it's just not necessary.So once everyone is calm, you explore.You say:“Hey, I've noticed there's been a lot of tension in our home lately between you and your brother.”Or:“Have you noticed that for the last few weeks we've had so much conflict about screens?”And your child says, “Yeah.”And you say:“I just want to listen because parenting's about parents, right? I must be getting something wrong here. Can you help me understand what I'm missing? Where am I going wrong? What's the real problem from your perspective?”Now, there are three things that make this better.Number one: never do it with an audience.Kids always want to save face. They don't feel competent when we start these conversations in front of other people.Number two: have some treats.Because once you're feeding them, they're like:“Oh, I'm not in trouble. We're just chatting, and there are cookies,” or a thick shake, or something like that.And number three: take notes.When you're trying to solve problems—and that's really what discipline is—The Three E's of Effective Discipline are about problem-solving.Discipline—meaning helping, teaching, guiding, instructing—is really about solving problems.So if I want to solve problems effectively in my home—if I want to discipline my children well—I'm trying to say:“Where are you coming from? What am I missing?”When you take notes on what your kids are saying, it's amazing how much information they give you because they realize:You're really listening to me.Sarah: Yeah. You're taking me seriously. You're writing down what I say.Dr. Justin: They're blown away by it.So they'll tell you a bunch of stuff.Now, every now and then they won't. Sometimes they'll shrug and say, “I don't know.”And you can say:“Well, if you don't know, that's fine. But if you did know…”This drives kids crazy, but it's my favorite sentence.“If you did know, what do you think the answer would be?”Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: And they roll their eyes.“Well, I don't know. That's what I said. If I knew, I'd tell you, but I don't know.”And I say:“I know you don't know, and I understand that if you did know, you would tell me. But if you did know, what would you tell me?”Sarah: I love that.Dr. Justin: They get this feeling—it's like this horrible psychological trick where:I don't know the answer, but if I had to come up with one, I guess I'd say this…And now the conversation starts.You get momentum.Sarah: You Jedi mind-trick them.Dr. Justin: Yeah. It's beautiful.And you write it down.At no point are you allowed to interrupt.At no point are you allowed to tell them they're wrong.At no point are you allowed to respond with your adult wisdom.You just listen.Sarah: Okay, and we're still on explore?Still on the first E?Dr. Justin: We're still on the first E.You make all these notes, and once it sounds like they've told you everything, you say:“All right. So what you're telling me is…”And then you read the notes back.This is the oldest psychological strategy in the book—I'm not saying anything new here.If they say, “Yes, that's what I'm saying,” you say:“All right. Great. I've got it.”If they say no, then you say:“Oh, what have I missed? How did I get this wrong? Clarify it for me.”And they give you more information.But there's a really valuable question at the end.When they say, “Yes, that's what I'm saying,” you ask:“Fantastic. Is there anything else?”Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: The power of asking that extra question is profound.It forces them to go deeper.Sometimes they'll say, “No, that's it.”But often, their first answers are shallow answers to get you off their back.They're thinking:I'm telling you what I think you want to hear.But when you say:“Got it. You're happy with this answer? Fantastic. Is there anything else going on?”That's when they look at you and think:Oh—you're actually serious about this. You really care.Sarah: And you're really listening to me.Dr. Justin: Yeah.And it's profound what children will give you after you ask, “Is there anything else?”Once you've got everything written down, confirmed, and you're clear, the next step is explain.Dr. Justin: Now, there are a couple of things around explain.Explain is basically the part where you tell them what they need to know. This is the parent bit.But all too often, we step into lecturing, and the kids fall asleep. They're like, “Oh, here we go again. I thought this was going to be different, but it's no different after all.”So there are a couple of things we need to get right here.Number one: if you're going to explain anything to your children, my recommendation is that you keep it to less than 20 seconds.Now, there's no science around this. This is just my experience in talking with parents and kids in my own family. I find that if you talk for more than 10 to 20 seconds, kids really do tune out, and it goes back to the way things have always been.The second thing is that I always ask permission.“Now that I've listened to you, Sarah, there are just one or two things I'd love to run by you about what's going on. Do you mind if I do that?”I want to make this absolutely clear: as a parent, you do not need your child's permission to tell them things. I really, absolutely, honestly believe that. As the parent, you have the right to tell them stuff they need to know.But this isn't about rights. This is about effectiveness.If I launch into, “Well, Sarah, now that I've listened to that, I get it, but I need to tell you these two things,” I'm already bringing defensiveness back into the relationship.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Barriers are coming up.Whereas if I say, “Sarah, this is so helpful. As I've listened to you, two things have come to mind. Do you mind if I share both of those with you?” Your instant response, even as I say it—I'm watching your face—Sarah: I'm nodding.Dr. Justin: And you're going—Sarah: Yeah.Dr. Justin: Yeah. I actually want to know.You're opening up your heart and mind to me, and we're just role-playing this.Sarah: Yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: And that's what our kids do. They're like, “Oh, okay.” Because we've given them the courtesy of listening—Sarah: Well, and you're not trying to use your power over them.Dr. Justin: Exactly.This is a non-coercive, really supportive conversation.And I still haven't had this happen. A lot of parents will say, “Well, what happens if they say no?”And I'm like, “I've raised six kids, and they've never actually looked at me and said, ‘Now that I think about it, no, I don't need to know anything that you…'”They've just never done it.But even if they did—Sarah: Well, if they do, it's probably that they're—what did you say? When emotions are high, intelligence is low. Maybe it wasn't the right time to have the conversation.If they're saying no, then they're probably still angry and holding onto whatever was going on for them.Dr. Justin: Exactly.But if they're that angry, they're probably not going to have explored nicely with you anyway.Sarah: Yes, exactly. So pick—Dr. Justin: A different time.You're probably not even going to—Sarah: Get to that point. Yeah.Dr. Justin: So it's very much: keep it really short, ask permission, and then share.Sarah: Okay. So give me examples.You said, “We've been fighting about screens,” was one example. You also gave the example of, “You've been fighting a lot with your brother.”So in the explain—10 to 20 seconds—choose one of those scenarios. After hearing your child, what would you say in that 10 to 20 seconds?Dr. Justin: I did this just the other day with my 16-year-old daughter, Lily, who is on social media more than she should be. There's been some tension and conflict.I listened. She shared some ideas, and I said, “There are just a couple of things I want to run by you. Is that okay?”She said, “Sure, Dad.”I said, “Great. There are certain times when we're trying to connect or have family time, and there are certain contexts where you're on your device and we just can't reach you.”She looked at me and said, “Yeah, I know.”I said, “Okay. The second thing I want to highlight is that we've noticed you're sleeping in because, even though you're not supposed to, you've been taking your phone into your bedroom at night and staying up late scrolling. Unless I'm reading it wrong, I'm pretty sure that's what's been happening.”And she said, “No, I have been, Dad. You're right.”So it's just two really succinct sentences where I'm stating what I'm seeing. I'm sharing my experience.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: If it were the sibling fighting, I'd say, “Yeah, your brother is really annoying. I get what's going on. Sometimes I wish he didn't live in our house as well.”I might have a joke with them about the challenge associated with that.And then I might say, “So when this happens, can I just share how it feels for me? It breaks my heart. I love both of you so very much, and my dream is for our family to enjoy being in one another's company and to look forward to conversations and jokes and doing the things we do. When this stuff is going on, it feels like that's a pipe dream.“And secondly, psychologically—you know I've got this PhD in psychology—I know that there's damage being done to the way your brother feels about himself. That's what I'm worried about.”So I've had both of those little conversations on two different topics, sharing two different things, and both were about 10 seconds each.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Again, it's conversational. It's not lecture-style.Sarah: And it's from the heart.I can feel it, even though this is just an example you're giving. I can feel that it's from your heart—that you're really being open and sharing with your child what your true concerns are.You're not trying to power over or control. You're really sharing a heartfelt sentiment.Dr. Justin: Yeah. Thank you. That's the goal.You won't always do that, but that's the goal.The reason there's a problem is because your values are not being upheld in the home, and you're trying to communicate that in a way that shows you honor them and that they've got a brain.Now, we've used two really grown-up versions—or teenage versions, I guess. But you can have the same conversations with three- and four-year-olds. It's just shorter. It's simpler.Usually, with those conversations, in a pretty tight timeframe—60 to 90 seconds—you've done the whole process.There is a higher-order—Sarah: Okay, so what's the third part?Dr. Justin: Just before I get to that one, if you really want to do the advanced version of explain, what I'll often do after I've explored with my child is say:“Okay, so this is the bit where I'd normally explain what's going on from my point of view. I wonder if you can tell me what you think I'm going to say here.”Sarah: Ah.Dr. Justin: And so I get them to explain the explain to me.The reason that's so effective is that whenever my mouth is the one that's moving, my brain is the one that's working.If I can get their mouth moving, their brain is doing the heavy lifting.Sarah: Love that.Dr. Justin: That's really, really effective.And then the last one—Sarah: Is empower.And you're also helping them see things and develop empathy, right? To see things from somebody else's perspective.Dr. Justin: Yes. Powerful.The last one is empower.That's literally as simple as saying, “Okay, so I get where you're coming from. We've had that conversation very thoroughly. You know what my challenge is here. What do you think we should do?”“Where do we go from here? How do we solve this in a way that we can both feel good about?”It's true that every now and then, your child will shrug their shoulders and say, “I don't know.”Or they'll shrug and say, “Well, we should just do what I want to do.”And as a parent, that's where you step in and say my favorite line:“Don't you just wish? Don't you just wish we could?”Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Because—well, let me ask you, Sarah. When I say, “Don't you just wish,” or, “Wouldn't it be good if we could?”—same thing—what have I actually said?Sarah: Total empathy. Heaps of empathy.Dr. Justin: Total empathy.But I've also said something else really clearly.Sarah: That that's not going to work.Dr. Justin: Correct. The answer is no.But it's a no with so much love, kindness, empathy, and gentleness in it—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —that your child goes, “Oh, yeah. I know.”And then you say, “So let's see if we can come up with a solution that will work.”What else might work for you when it comes to your brother?What else might work for you when it comes to the party on Friday night that I'm not willing to let you go to?What else could work when it comes to our screen challenges? Because this is an ongoing issue for us, isn't it?Every now and then, you won't get an answer right away. You'll say, “Well, let's talk about it again tonight,” or, “Let's talk about it again tomorrow once you've had some time to think about it.”But I'm big on deadlines.“We need to have this worked out by the end of the weekend, okay? I don't want to go through another week of this. We've got to find a solution. If we haven't had another chat by tomorrow night, we're going to sit down and work it out then.”And I also don't have a problem at this point—Laura Walker is a researcher at BYU in Utah, and she did a study published in the Journal of Adolescence where she found that parents who use these kinds of strategies—she's not talking about the Three E's of Effective Discipline, because that's the thing I developed, but it's based on the same sort of theory that she researches—Parents who use these kinds of strategies, even when they do have to step in and say, “All right, well, we haven't come up with a solution, so it's going to be my way,” kids are much more likely to be responsive and compliant—Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: —because we've been through a process with them that is not autocratic. It's not authoritarian.They've felt like they had a voice. Their perspective has been seen and heard. They've had some input.And even though they don't get what they want all the time—because we're the parents, and sometimes the fact that we've climbed 47 rungs on the ladder of life and they've only climbed 13 is all we need.Sarah: That's what I call in my work the goodwill bank.When your kids experience you as collaborative, non-coercive, and not power-tripping—when they know, over the period of their childhood, that they can trust you to take their preferences into account and be respectful of them—then when you do have to say no about something, even if they don't like it, there's this goodwill bank behind you and this level of trust.When you mentioned, “You can't go to the party on Friday,” I never had that issue with my kids because everything was so collaborative.We'd have similar conversations. I didn't have—I'm not very good at thinking of things like the Three E's—but similar kinds of processes where they'd say why they wanted to go, I'd say what my concerns were, and then they'd invariably say, “Oh, yeah, you're probably right.”It was never, “You can't go.”It was, “These are my concerns. This is what I've been thinking about.”Because they experienced that whole process over years of parenting, you don't get the pushback because they don't feel like you're power-tripping them.Dr. Justin: Yeah.Sarah, I had an experience with one of my adult children who was still living at home. I think she was maybe 19 or 20 when this happened.She wanted to go and do something, and I said to her, “You're an adult. You do get to choose for yourself whether you will do this or not, but I've got some really big concerns about you doing it.“I actually think you're putting yourself into a dangerous situation. There's some history, some volatility, and some challenges if you go and involve yourself in this particular activity. Tell me why this is so important to you.”So she walked me through it, and I said, “Okay, I get it. How do my concerns stack up against your desire to be there?”And she said, “Dad, I get what you're saying, but I want to go.”And I said, “Okay, so…”You used that beautiful term, the goodwill bank. I can't remember exactly what my words were, but I'm going to use your term right now, because I essentially said:“I'm going to use the goodwill I've built up with you over the last however many years and step in really firmly and say you're making a mistake.“As your dad, even though you're an adult, I want to forbid you to go. That's how strongly I feel about this. To the degree that I can, I forbid it.“Ultimately, you will choose because you are an adult, but I don't want you there.”Sarah: I'm going on the record.Dr. Justin: Yeah, yeah.“I need you to trust that this is a bad idea. We can come up with any number of other activities you could do instead, with different people in a different location, but this is a bad idea, and you have none of my support should you go.“If you go and something goes wrong, you call me and I'll come rescue you. But it is a bad idea, and I forbid it.”And I couldn't believe I was saying those words. I've never said them in my life, and now I was saying them to an adult.But she looked at me and said, “Okay.”Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: She didn't fight me. She didn't say, “I can do what—”Sarah: No, because you built up the history with her of how she experienced you.Dr. Justin: Yeah. She was like, “Wow, this is serious. He's never said that before. If he feels that strongly, maybe he's right. Maybe I need to find an alternative.”So anyway, that's the Three E's of Effective Discipline.I feel like I've talked too much, Sarah. I wanted to be much more conversational, but I get carried away when we—Sarah: No, no. I love it.I feel like it's very complementary to the things that I teach, and you've given me some new things to teach parents as well.I love having sort of snappy—the Three E's of Discipline. I think that's great. I love it. I'll share it.Dr. Justin: Yeah, please. Absolutely.It's helped so many millions of parents.Sarah: Yeah.Well, I love that we've connected across the world—from the other side of the world to each other—and I look forward to hopefully talking to you again in March of 2027 when your book Boys comes out.I figured we were going to talk about that, but we had such a lovely conversation about peaceful parenting, discipline, and—oh my God, it's gone right out of my head—Dr. Justin: Self-determination theory.Sarah: Self-determination theory.I think it was a really great conversation, and I really appreciate you sharing all of your experience and wisdom.Dr. Justin: I loved the conversation.Like I said, it was too one-sided. I wish we'd been able to go backward and forward a bit more, but let's do it again.Let's chat again next year when the book comes out, and we'll talk about boys and how to help them.There's so much talk about toxic masculinity.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Wouldn't it be great if we could give them a view of healthy masculinity—a model of that to follow?That's what my book is all about: how we can guide boys into a healthy form of masculinity.Sarah: Well, for folks in Australia, your book is coming out in June 2026. For folks in North America, it's not coming out until spring 2027.So I will definitely be ringing you up and having you come back on to talk about the book when you've got your North American release. I know we're going to have a great conversation then.Before I let you go, though, I have a question that I ask all my podcast guests:If you had a time machine and you could go back and tell your younger parent self something, what advice would you give yourself?Dr. Justin: Jean-Jacques Rousseau said there is—I can't remember the quote exactly—but: What wisdom is there that is greater than kindness?I've paraphrased it. It's not perfect, but it's something along those lines.Interestingly, Rousseau had, I think, five children—maybe six—and he put them all into orphanages somewhere in the first 18 months of their lives so he could spend more time writing and focusing on how to be a good person, which I just find criminal. I can't believe it.So take it for what it's worth, but “What wisdom is there that's greater than kindness?” is what Rousseau said.I've mentioned this idea of soft eyes a couple of times. If I could go back, I would teach myself about kindness. I'd teach myself about many of the things we've talked about today.But I just want to quickly share the story of soft eyes.As an academic, I want everything I say to be evidence-based. There is no evidence that I'm aware of where people have done any kind of randomized controlled trial where parents are asked to interact with their children with soft eyes, neutral eyes, hard eyes, or anything like that.Soft eyes is this idea—I was giving a presentation at a public library one time, and an elderly lady stepped into the back of the room, sat down, and listened to the last 25 or 30 minutes of my presentation. She must have liked what she could hear from the corridor outside, and she stepped in to listen.After everybody had left, she walked over to me and said, “I really enjoyed what you shared. I'd love to tell you something my grandmother said to me.”So we're going back into the early 1900s.Her grandmother said, “Whenever you're talking to your children about matters of discipline, make sure you have soft eyes.”And I thought, I really like that.Because if you try to have a conversation with somebody and your eyes are soft, you just can't say mean things. You can't say harsh things. You can't have harsh thoughts.If you soften your eyes, your face softens and your heart softens. You have this beautiful compassion and kindness, this ability to see the best in them rather than the worst in them, to assume positive intent.There's something gorgeous about soft eyes.So I would go back and quote Rousseau better than I just quoted him to you, and I would tell my younger self that soft eyes will make a tremendous impact on all of my relationships.Sarah: Ah.There's an American—I don't know if you've heard of him in Australia—but he's a pretty well-known marriage counselor, Terry Real.Dr. Justin: Oh, yeah. I quote him in my book.Sarah: Yeah, yeah. He does a lot of work about—well, he says something like, “There's nothing that harshness can accomplish that kindness can't accomplish better.”Dr. Justin: That's so beautiful.Sarah: Mm-hmm.Dr. Justin: Thank you. That's inspiring. I'm so glad you shared that.Sarah: Yeah. I love it.It's hard to remember, but I think it is true. And I wish that—and I know the world needs a dose of that right now.Dr. Justin: Yeah. Yeah.Sarah: One hundred percent.Well, thank you so much.Where's the best place for folks to go and find out more about you and what you do?Dr. Justin: Probably my podcast, the Happy Families Podcast. My wife and I drop a 15-minute nugget of parenting wisdom every day, five days a week.Sarah: Oh, wow!Dr. Justin: Yeah. It's a lot of content, but it's bite-sized chunks, and it's entertaining. We're fun. We get to do it together.And the Happy Families Podcast. I've got a website called happyfamilies.com.au, but basically, if you like what we've talked about—Sarah: We'll link to all of that in the show notes. We'll link to your website and your podcast, and I'm sure it's easy to find you.Dr. Justin: That sounds great. Thanks, Sarah.Sarah: Thank you so much.Dr. Justin: What a great, great conversation. Lovely to be with you.Reimagine Peaceful Parenting with Sarah Rosensweet Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sarahrosensweet.substack.com/subscribe

Have you checked under your bed for your motivation lately?Well, you're looking in the wrong place.So many of us think motivation is something you “find.”You blame the loss on your schedule, your kids, your partner, your job.But here's the truth:Motivation isn't something you find. It's something you build.In this episode, we break down:Why external rewards and validation fail long-termThe psychology behind intrinsic motivationWhy hype is NOT motivationThe 3 factors that actually create sustainable driveHow to turn ANY extrinsic goal into an intrinsic oneWhy Norway wins more Olympic medals (and what that teaches us)This isn't about yelling at yourself.This isn't about getting fired up.This is about becoming the boss of you.And building motivation that doesn't disappear when the applause does.We're going to give you the formula to reveal what lies within you, empowering you to become the person you aspire to be. With this key, you can pursue and achieve any goal.Reference: Self-Determination Theory, Developed by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan:https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/theory/Want to leave the TTSL Podcast a voicemail? We love your questions and adore hearing from you. https://www.speakpipe.com/TheThickThighsSaveLivesPodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The CVG Nation app, for ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠iPhone⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The CVG Nation app, for Android⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Fitness FB Group⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Thick Thighs Save Lives Workout Programs⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Constantly Varied Gear's ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Workout Leggings⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

We're living in a digital battlefield and most men don't even know they're fighting. The time we spend on our devices is unreal, and if it's free, you're the product. Algorithms and machine learning are engineered to hijack your attention, erode focus, and create compulsive habits. Today we're talking about auditing your digital life, removing the noise to find the signal, and building the discipline to guard your mind in an age of constant distraction. Joining me is Richard Ryan, author of The Warrior's Garden, built on the principle that it's better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war. We discuss digital detox, delayed gratification, accountability, and reclaiming the smallest locus of control so you can't be manipulated by the forces competing for your attention. SHOW HIGHLIGHTS 00:00 - Recording Begins & Digital Reality Check 00:50 - The Attention Economy: You Are the Product 03:00 - Negativity Bias & Why Outrage Wins Online 07:00 - Screen Time Audit: The Lifetime Cost 10:00 - Subscription Culture & Hidden Digital Leakage 12:30 - AI & Cognitive Atrophy: Guarding Your Mind 14:00 - Digital Detox & Withdrawal Symptoms 16:00 - The "Dead Internet" Theory 20:45 - Expediency & The Death of Delayed Gratification 22:30 - The Marshmallow Study & Impulse Control 28:00 - Compulsive App Use & "First Pickups" 31:00 - Addiction Substitution & Dopamine Traps 36:00 - Accountability & Why 95% Succeed With It 38:00 - Gratitude as Mental Armor 41:30 - Optimism, Awareness & Opportunity 49:00 - Incentives Drive Outcomes (Politics & Power) 55:00 - Personal Responsibility Over Group Dependency 58:00 - True Diversity: Strength Through Capability 1:02:30 - Warriors Garden & Closing Thoughts Battle Planners: Pick yours up today! Order Ryan's new book, The Masculinity Manifesto. For more information on the Iron Council brotherhood. Want maximum health, wealth, relationships, and abundance in your life? Sign up for our free course, 30 Days to Battle Ready

Our friend Richard Ryan is here to tell us about his new book! Watch this episode ad-free and uncensored on Pepperbox! https://www.pepperbox.tv/ WATCH THE AFTERSHOW & BTS ON PATREON! https://www.patreon.com/UnsubscribePodcast

BE WARNED: It's LuAnna, and this podcast contains honest, upfront opinions, rants, bants and general explicit content. But you know you love it!It's time to get TOTALLY EXTRA. Extra chat, extra rants, extra bants, extra stories, nonsense and more.On this week's Totally Extra: Washing a kids blanket out of revenge, the return of rate my fart, a nude vs butt plug would you rather, knowing about an affair, getting jiggy with a shower hose & who is Richard Ryan?Remember, if you want to get in touch you can:Email us at luanna@everythingluanna.com OR drop us a WhatsApp on our NEW NUMBER: 07521564640Please review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/

Dive into the unrelenting truth on "Joe Oltmann Untamed," where Joe dissects the Brown University shooting a homeless man's Reddit post cracking the case wide open, exposing zero security cameras in a building where tuition hits $71,700 a year. With the suspect entering via the Diversity Visa lottery, Trump and Kristi Noem swiftly suspend the program, while a transgender police spokesperson dodges straight talk on the killer. Tim Pool, Dan Bongino, and Kash Patel weigh in as Joe rages at the deadly cost of woke priorities over student safety.We have digital pioneer Richard Ryan join Joe to expose algorithm warfare. The software developer who built early YouTube monetization tools and generated billions of views reveals how Big Tech deliberately suppresses voices, manipulates feeds, and engineers societal division asking if government pressure or profit drives the censorship machine. From shadow-banning to AI-fueled outrage cycles, Richard lays out the threat to free speech and whether decentralized tech can finally break Silicon Valley's grip.The show closes with Fun Friday fury as Joe roasts liberal insanity: a Wisconsin judge convicted for helping an illegal escape ICE, Minneapolis launching a human feces map like San Francisco, teary Democrats mourning Trump's name on the Kennedy Center, and activists blocking deportations. Clips of ungrateful illegals and ICE interference drive home the message America's tolerance has limits. "Joe Oltmann Untamed" delivers raw laughs, righteous anger, and unfiltered truth: tune in, wake up, and fight back!

In dieser Folge tauchen wir in die Psychologie der Lehrermotivation ein. Wir nutzen die Selbstbestimmungstheorie von Deci & Ryan, um zu verstehen, warum Autonomie, Kompetenz und soziale Eingebundenheit entscheidend sind. Erfahre, wie du mit einem Lehrer-Tagebuch und sichtbaren Minierfolgen deine kurzfristige Motivation stärkst und welche Rolle dein Gehalt dabei spielen darf. Wie gehst du als Lehrkraft mit Tagen um, an denen nichts funktionieren will? Der Schulalltag ist ein Wechselbad der Gefühle. Die Herausforderungen können unsere Motivation schnell auf die Probe stellen. In Teil 1 unseres Motivations-Specials suchen wir nach praktischen Wegen, um auch bei Misserfolgen den Antrieb zu behalten. Die psychologischen Treiber: Autonomie, Kompetenz, Eingebundenheit Wir gehen auf die bahnbrechende Selbstbestimmungstheorie von Edward Deci und Richard Ryan ein. Laut dieser Theorie hängt unsere intrinsische Motivation eng mit drei psychologischen Grundbedürfnissen zusammen: Autonomie (das Gefühl, Kontrolle zu haben), Kompetenz (das Gefühl, fähig zu sein) und soziale Eingebundenheit (das Gefühl, verbunden zu sein). Wir diskutieren, wie du diese drei Säulen gezielt im Lehreralltag stärken kannst, um aus dem Motivations-Tief herauszukommen. Mini-Erfolge schaffen: Das Lehrer-Tagebuch als Motivationsturbo Oft sind es die kleinen Dinge, die uns antreiben. Wir sprechen darüber, wie du sichtbare Minierfolge kreieren kannst – zum Beispiel durch einen gelungenen Stundeneinstieg oder gezieltes Mini-Feedback. Ein essenzielles Werkzeug dabei: Das Lehrer-Tagebuch. Wir zeigen dir, wie du mit dieser Tagebuchmethode deine Unterrichtserfolge reflektierst und so deine kurzfristige Motivation sichtbar machst. Außerdem diskutieren wir die wichtige Frage: Müssen wirklich alle Stunden wichtig und sinnvoll sein? Die kritische Gehalts-Frage Ist es als Lehrkraft verwerflich, das Gehalt als Motivation zu sehen? Wir stellen uns dieser provokanten Frage. Zudem geht es um deine persönliche Lehrervision – die tiefere Antwort auf die Frage: "Warum mache ich das eigentlich?" Nutze neue Methoden, um auch dich selbst motiviert zu halten. Was motiviert dich, auch wenn der Unterricht mal nicht läuft? Teile deinen besten Tipp in den Kommentaren oder auf unserer Webseite! Und vergiss nicht: Abonniere uns, damit du Teil 2 nicht verpasst! Ausblick: Im zweiten Teil geht es um mittelfristige und langfristige Ziele für anhaltende Motivation, die Fehlerkultur und die Kraft des kollegialen Austauschs! info@lehrer-talk.de www.lehrer-talk.de www.instagram.com/lehrer_talk

In this Spike Camp episode, Rich, Scott, and Watkins discuss what all training Rich has had Watkins do to get ready for his first trip out west. Connect with Rich Froning MeatEater on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, and Youtube Clips Subscribe to The MeatEater Podcast Network on YouTubeSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of In Pursuit, Rich Froning sits down with Richard Ryan, co-founder of Black Rifle Coffee, author of The Warrior’s Garden, and regenerative agriculture advocate. They dig into the hidden costs of the attention economy, why stepping away from social media can reset your priorities, and how gratitude and community drive resilience. The conversation also ties directly into the backcountry: exploring how hunting offers a rare chance to disconnect, get uncomfortable, and rediscover what truly matters. From raising bison to building companies, Ryan shares hard-won lessons on focus, purpose, and living with intention in the wild and at home. Connect with Rich Froning MeatEater on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, and Youtube Clips Subscribe to The MeatEater Podcast Network on YouTubeSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Richard Ryan is a software developer and media executive with more than 20 years of experience in the tech industry. He has generated billions of views and millions of followers across social media platforms, leveraging his deep understanding of algorithms and digital marketing.As a co-founder of Black Rifle Coffee Company, he helped grow the brand to a publicly traded powerhouse with a $1.7 billion valuation and $396 million in revenue in 2023. As a tech entrepreneur, Richard has created a suite of applications to include a YouTube app that debuted in the App Store four years before YouTube. Across multiple apps, he's achieved over millions of downloads. As a media executive, he launched Rated Red with Verizon Media and Hearst Publications, growing it to over one million organic subscribers in its first year. Richard's YouTube empire includes several channels like FullMag (2.7 million subscribers), with over 20 billion views across all his platforms.In his new book, The Warrior's Garden, Richard exposes how social media algorithms exploit the same psychological triggers as casinos: bright visuals, sound cues, and unpredictable rewards that hook users and keep them scrolling. Just as gamblers chase uncertain outcomes, we chase likes, comments, and notifications, sacrificing long-term goals for short-term gratification. He explores the neuroscience behind these dopamine-driven cycles and offers practical strategies to reclaim control. His book is not about quitting technology altogether, instead it focuses on using it consciously, minimizing addictive effects, strengthening mental resilience, and empowering readers to become mindful participants in a digital age. With gratitude to our sponsors: RA Opticshttps://raoptics.com/bttpUse Code: BTTP-----Sky Horse Publishinghttps://www.skyhorsepublishing.com/-----Sign Uphttps://www.backtothepeople.net

Crezi că viața personală și cea profesională sunt două lumi separate? În acest episod, explorăm o perspectivă diferită: munca ca parte integrantă a sensului vieții noastre, nu ca o sferă separată pe care trebuie să o echilibrăm cu restul existenței.Ce vei descoperi în acest episod:De ce conceptul de "work-life balance" poate fi înșelător și cum să privim sensul muncii ca parte din sensul viețiiCele trei nevoi fundamentale care ne motivează intrinsec: autonomia, măiestria și sensul (Daniel Pink)Cum teoria autodeterminării (Deci & Ryan) explică de ce avem nevoie de competență, autonomie și relații apropiateModelul PERMA al lui Martin Seligman pentru o viață împlinită: emoții pozitive, angajament, relații, sens și realizăriFilosofia lui Viktor Frankl despre puterea "De ce"-ului în a depăși orice "Cum"Paradoxul organizațional: de ce a face oamenii ușor de înlocuit poate limita contribuția lor realăCum ficțiunile împărtășite ne permit să colaborăm la scară largă (Yuval Harari)Tendința naturală către autoactualizare în condiții potrivite pentru creștere Pentru cine este acest episod:Acest episod este dedicat oricui simte că munca sa nu are suficient sens, managerilor care vor să creeze organizații unde oamenii prosperă, și tuturor celor care caută să-și înțeleagă mai bine motivațiile profunde și să-și construiască o viață profesională autentică și împlinitoare.Date cheie din episod:Autonomie, măiestrie și sens ca piloni ai motivației intrinseci (Daniel Pink)Teoria autodeterminării: competență + autonomie + relații (Deci & Ryan)PERMA: Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, Achievement (Seligman)"Cel ce-și găsește 'De ce'-ul poate îndura aproape orice 'Cum'" (Viktor Frankl)Tensiunea între a fi ușor de înlocuit și contribuție unicăFicțiunile colective ca fundament al colaborării umane (Harari)Modelul Evoluției Conștiinței al lui Richard BarrettResurse: 1. Daniel Pink, Drive2. Edward Deci și Richard Ryan, Teoria autodeterminării3. Martin Seligman, Modelul PERMA4. Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning5. Yuval Noah Harari, Sapiens6. Abraham Maslow, Piramida nevoilor7. Richard Barrett, Evoluția ConștiințeiAcest episod este produs și distribuit cu susținerea E.ON Energie România.

As we wrap up September and prepare to move from our last series, “Things We Don't Often Say Out Loud,” to our new series, “From Why to Now What to What's Next,” Dr. Deb invites listeners to pause at the threshold between past and future. In this episode, we explore the guiding question: “How can we honor both the need for security and the need for growth?” Too often we believe we have to choose — to stay safe or to push forward — but healing asks us to carry both. Security isn't a cage; it's the ground that lets us step out, try new things, and return for rest. Growth isn't a betrayal of safety; it's the natural next chapter when we feel secure enough. Drawing on key research and decades of lived experience, Dr. Deb discusses: Why safety and stabilization (Judith Herman) and predictable routines are the foundation for healing How Self-Determination Theory (Edward Deci & Richard Ryan) explains our natural drive for exploration once we feel safe The role of the Polyvagal Theory (Stephen Porges) in helping our nervous system shift from survival to curiosity and connection What post-traumatic growth research (Richard Tedeschi & Lawrence Calhoun) teaches us about finding meaning and new priorities after trauma Why self-compassion (Kristin Neff) strengthens our capacity to move between security and growth Practical ways to pair new steps with steady anchors — such as routines, rituals, supportive relationships, and grounding practices How to view progress as a bridge — not a leap — with one foot still planted in safety while the other steps forward toward growth The episode includes a guided reflection to help you identify: The secure bases you can lean on right now The growth steps quietly calling to you The ways to weave safety into your forward movement Ending with a Bonus Takeaway Quote: “I honor my need for safety. I honor my desire for growth. I trust that these two needs can support each other. I can step forward while carrying my anchors with me.” If today's episode resonated with you, share it with someone who could use a reminder that they're not alone. And remember, we're better together, we're stronger together, and take what resonates and GO BEYOND! In Love and Healing, Dr. Deb Listen, Subscribe, & Share: ✨ Remember to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode!

Welcome to the Ava Flanell Show, Episode 414. Today I'm going to chat with Richard Ryan, the author of Warrior's Garden, and we'll discuss the assasination of Charlie Kirk. I'm your host, Ava Flanell. 

“the goodness of Providence.” [NAVA]    It began with an idea for a series of radio mysteries, each five minutes long, that listeners could solve by considering the evidence. Sherlock Holmes would then give the solution — and to make it even more interesting, Watson could conclude with a moral lesson reflecting the story.  Thanks to the author, journalist, and broadcaster Kel Richards, it became a popular feature on Australian radio, and Ray Riethmeier, BSI ("Morrison, Morrison, and Dodd") thought it would make a wonderful book. Through a strange series of circumstances — destiny, perhaps? — Ray eventually found Richards and reunited  him with transcripts of the programs. Join us as we talk to Ray about the result: Sherlock Holmes 5-Minute Mysteries, a collection of fifty fair-play puzzlers that also enable personal, Christian exploration. Next, we explore Sherlockian gatherings for the first half of November in "The Learned Societies" segment. Madeline Quinones is back with A Chance of Listening, and the Canonical Couplet quiz tests your Sherlock Holmes knowledge, with something from the vaults for the winner. Send your answer to comment @ihearofsherlock.com by September 29, 2025 at 11:59 a.m. EST. All listeners are eligible to play. As a reminder, our  can listen to the show ad-free and have access to occasional bonus material. Join us on the platform of your choice ( | ).        Leave I Hear of Sherlock Everywhere a five-star rating on  and ; listen to us .     Sponsors  has a number of new Sherlock Holmes books out by various authors, including The Other Woman by Richard Ryan, The Infinitely Stranger Cases of Sherlock Holmes by Paula Hammond, and A Necessary End by Ellora Lawhorn. You'll want to check out the breadth of their offerings by  to learn more.   Would you care to advertise with us? You can find . Let's chat!   Links  () Previous episode mentioned: Other links: A Chance of Listening:  The Learned Societies:  Bonus event:  returns on September 27 Find all of our relevant links and social accounts at .   And would you consider leaving us a rating and or a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Goodpods? It would help other Sherlockians to find us.   Your thoughts on the show? Leave a comment below, send us an email (comment AT ihearofsherlock DOT com), call us at 5-1895-221B-5. That's (518) 952-2125.    

Clark and Matt decided to share a special episode from our sister cast, YOU OUGHTA KNOW: THE MOTIVATION SERIES. In this special episode, Matt is joined by the co-developer of Self-Determination Theory (SDT), Richard M. Ryan, to talk about all things motivation. Think of it as a primer on SDT. We hit the basics… What is motivation? What is SDT?‎ ‎What are the origins of SDT?‎ ‎The different types of motivation.‎ ‎Rewards and their impact on one's motivation.‎ ‎Of course, the famous three basic psychological needs (autonomy, competence, and relatedness).‎ ‎We discuss strategies one may take to either create environments to meet others' needs or to do it for oneself.‎ ‎What is well-being? How is well-being related to motivation?‎ ‎Is SDT universal? Is it culturally descriptive in all cases?‎ ‎And more! During our discussion on mindfulness, Rich refers to a recently published meta-analysis.  The reference is: Donald, James N., Helena Nguyen, James H. Conigrave, Anya Johnson, Inmaculada Adarves-Yorno, Ryan Cheng, Anya Bedi, Kevin B. Lowe, Jessica L. Lyons, Emma K. Devine, Georg B. Tamm and Richard M. Ryan (2025). ‘ Does Leaders' Mindfulness Benefit Followers? A Meta-analytic Review and Research Agenda.' British Journal of Management, 11111. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8551.70009  Matt refers to a 1999 meta-analysis on the impact of rewards. That reference is: Deci, E. L., Koestner, R., & Ryan, R. M. (1999). A meta-analytic review of experiments examining the effects of extrinsic rewards on intrinsic motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 125(6), 627–668. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.125.6.627 Three references about the cultural generalizability of SDT are: Chirkov, V., Ryan, R. M., Kim, Y., & Kaplan, U. (2003). Differentiating autonomy from individualism and independence: A self-determination theory perspective on internalization of cultural orientations and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(1), 97–110. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.84.1.97 Chirkov, V. I. (2009). A cross-cultural analysis of autonomy in education: A self-determination theory perspective. Theory and Research in Education, 7, 253-262. https://doi.org/ Chirkov, V. I. (2017). Culture and autonomy. The Praeger handbook of personality across cultures, 2, 91-119. https://doi.org/ Rich is a clinical psychologist and is currently a Professorial Fellow at the Australian Catholic University's Institute for Positive Psychology & Education in North Sydney; he's also Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Rochester, where he helped spark one of the most enduring frameworks of human motivation in the last half-century. 

“Pooh, pooh! Forgery.” [SCAN]  Nicholas Meyer, BSI ("A Fine Morocco Case") is an accomplished storyteller who has made a mark in both the literary and film worlds. He's best known for his 1974 best-selling novel, , which revitalized Sherlock Holmes for a new generation of readers. His other Holmes novels, including , , , and , and have cemented his place as a celebrated perpetuator of Watson's reports.  Beyond his literary achievements, Nick is a prolific screenwriter and director, credited with directing the iconic films Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan and Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country. He also directed the landmark television movie The Day After, which remains one of the most-watched television films ever made. Nick's latest novel is . In the book, Holmes and Watson are drawn into a bizarre and deadly case set in the cutthroat world of art. The mystery begins with a seemingly mundane complaint from a landlady about her artist tenant, but quickly escalates as corpses begin to appear. The pair navigate a fascinating cast of characters — including an artist, his mistress, and his dealer — to discover what makes a work of art worth killing for.  Join our wide-ranging discussion, which touches, in this age of artificial intelligence, on what makes one work genuine and another just a clever forgery. Then we look ahead to Sherlockian gatherings for the last half of October in "The Learned Societies" segment. Madeline Quiñones is back with "A Chance of Listening," bringing us an introduction to her own show, Dynamics of a Podcast, the only podcast dedicated to Professor James Moriarty, archnemesis of Sherlock Holmes. The Canonical Couplet quiz tests your Sherlock Holmes knowledge, with a copy of Nick's new book for the winner. Send your answer to comment @ ihearofsherlock .com by September 29, 2025 at 11:59 a.m. EST. All listeners are eligible to play. As a reminder, our  can listen to the show ad-free and have access to occasional bonus material. Join us on the platform of your choice ( | ).      Leave I Hear of Sherlock Everywhere a five-star rating on  and ; listen to us .     Sponsors  has a number of new Sherlock Holmes books out by various authors, including The Other Woman by Richard Ryan, The Infinitely Stranger Cases of Sherlock Holmes by Paula Hammond, and A Necessary End by Ellora Lawhorn. You'll want to check out the breadth of their offerings by  to learn more.   Would you care to advertise with us? You can find . Let's chat!     Links Sherlock Holmes and the Real Thing ( | ) (website) Previous episode Nick has appeared on: Other links: A Chance of Listening:  The Learned Societies:  Bonus event: on September 6 Find all of our relevant links and social accounts at .   And would you consider leaving us a rating and or a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Goodpods? It would help other Sherlockians to find us.   Your thoughts on the show? Leave a comment below, send us an email (comment AT ihearofsherlock DOT com), call us at 5-1895-221B-5. That's (518) 952-2125.      

Today's guest is Richard Ryan, a tech innovator, media executive, and digital pioneer with over 20 years of experience driving growth at the intersection of technology and creative strategy. An early mover in digital media, Richard developed a YouTube app four years before YouTube released its own and built FullMag into a channel with over 2.7 million subscribers and a digital footprint totaling more than 20 billion views. He also launched Rated Red with Verizon Media and Hearst, scaling it to over one million organic subscribers in its first year and is a co-founder of Black Rifle Coffee Company. Today, his focus is on privacy, algorithmic influence, and empowering consumers in the digital era.In this episode, Jack and Richard dive into Richard's book, THE WARRIOR'S GARDEN, and its call to cultivate awareness in a tech-dominated world. They explore the war for the mind in the attention economy, the role of algorithms in shaping behavior, and how authenticity and accountability can serve as antidotes to manipulation. The conversation touches on AI, deception online, and the dangers of outsourcing memory to devices—while also using nature as a metaphor for resilience and mental well-being. Richard shares his optimism for the future, the importance of reclaiming time, and his hope to inspire others to adapt and thrive in the digital age.FOLLOW RICHARDInstagram: @RichardRyanX: @RichardRyanFacebook: @RichardRyanLinkedIn: @Richard RyanWebsite: https://www.warriorsgarden.com/FOLLOW JACKInstagram: @JackCarrUSA X:  @JackCarrUSAFacebook:  @JackCarr YouTube:  @JackCarrUSASPONSORSCRY HAVOC – A Tom Reece Thriller https://www.officialjackcarr.com/books/cry-havoc/Bravo Company Manufacturing - https://bravocompanyusa.com/ and on Instagram @BravoCompanyUSATHE SIGs of Jack Carr:Visit https://www.sigsauer.com/ and on Instagram @sigsauerinc Jack Carr Gear: Explore the gear here https://jackcarr.co/gear 

Episode Summary: When the church stays quiet, society suffers. In this episode, Richard Nelson joins us to explore how Christians can faithfully engage in politics without falling into one of two extremes: ignoring politics or putting too much hope in and idolizing politics. We tackle common misconceptions about the separation of church and state and look at the chilling effects of the Johnson Amendment, which prohibits 501(c)(3) nonprofit organizations from engaging in any political campaign activity. Since most churches have this status, the amendment applies to them. Richard urges the church to disciple believers in speaking truth with integrity, resist partisan co-opting, and address pressing moral issues like conscience rights for healthcare workers. This conversation challenges Christians to step boldly into public life with a biblical vision rooted in truth, integrity, and a fear of God above all else.Who is Disciple Nations Alliance (DNA)? Since 1997, DNA's mission has been to equip followers of Jesus around the globe with a biblical worldview, empowering them to build flourishing families, communities, and nations.

Send us a textIn this powerful conversation, David Klan, President and CEO of Mazda Canada, shares profound insights into leadership, organizational culture, and personal growth. With 33 years at Mazda, Klan exemplifies a people-centered approach that has transformed the company's success and workplace environment.Key Themes:People-Centered LeadershipKlan's leadership philosophy centers on relationships and creating conditions for people to flourish. He emphasizes that success isn't about top-down management, but about building trust, fostering open communication, and enabling employees to reach their full potential. The organization's "chain of excellence" prioritizes leadership strength, employee experience, and customer experience - in that order.Radical Candor and Continuous GrowthMazda Canada has cultivated a culture of radical candor, where:Monthly one-on-one meetings are mandatoryEvery employee creates a personal development planWork plans are transparent across the organizationFeedback is actively sought and acted uponMentorship and PurposeKlan is passionate about mentoring, both within Mazda and through organizations like the Pinball Clemons Foundation. He believes in helping marginalized youth and sees mentorship as a mutually inspiring process that benefits both mentor and mentee.Transition and Future VisionAs he prepares to retire, Klan's next chapter focuses on:Spending time with familyMaintaining health and wellnessContinuing professional involvement through board positionsOngoing mentorshipMemorable Quotes:"Culture is king""We will only succeed and grow with and through our retail partners""If you love what you do, and you're the same person at home and at work, you're blessed""The problem with the world is that we belong to one another"Key Takeaways for Listeners:Prioritize relationships over transactional interactionsCreate psychological safety for open communicationDevelop a growth mindsetSeek to understand and unleash others' potentialAlign personal and professional valuesPersonal ImpactKlan's journey demonstrates that true leadership is about serving others, creating meaningful connections, and continuously learning. His approach at Mazda Canada has resulted in unprecedented success, with the company outpacing competitors and maintaining exceptional employee retention.Conclusion David Klan's story is a masterclass in compassionate, purpose-driven leadership. By focusing on people, fostering trust, and maintaining an unwavering commitment to growth, he has not just led a company, but transformed lives and created a lasting legacy.Connect with David KlanLinkedInResources and Research Discussed: Dr. Michael GervaisDr. Amy EdmonsonDr. Richard Ryan and Dr. Edward Dici (Self-Determination Theory)Dr. Martin Seligman (Positive Psychology)Simon Sinek (Start With Why)Kim Scott (Radical Candor)

Despite popular belief, money doesn't motivate people. I ran a few ad hoc polls on this topic with readers in the past, and generally, most people “believe” that money is a significant motivator of behaviour. According to this idea, if you want to get people to do what you want, pay them. And if you want them to do better or do more, pay them more, like a bonus. When they have financial skin in the game, people are more likely to be more productive.But alas, it's not true.Harvard Business Review, the respected business and management publication, as much as I cringe at their hyperbole and corporate rhetoric, produced a good summary of findings back in 2013. Apparently, though, no one listened.First up is a study by Timothy Judge and colleagues in 2010. They conducted a meta-analysis of studies examining the relationship between pay and life satisfaction. Results from 92 independent samples suggested that pay level was correlated with job satisfaction at 0.15 and with pay satisfaction at 0.23. For those unfamiliar with statistics, results below 0.4 are considered weak. In gross terms, pay has little or no relation to happiness.In a later study, the same authors said, “Employees earning salaries in the top half of our data range reported similar levels of job satisfaction to those employees earning salaries in the bottom half of our data range” (p.162). Gallup's research on engagement at work also reported no significant difference in employee engagement by pay level.A classic study by Ed Deci, Richard Ryan and Richard Koestner in 1999 found that their meta-analysis of 128 studies examining extrinsic rewards had a negative impact on intrinsic motivation. The authors reported that engagement-contingent, completion-contingent, and performance-contingent rewards significantly undermine free-choice intrinsic motivation. In contrast, positive feedback enhanced both free-choice behaviour and self-reported interest. Remember what I mentioned in yesterday's video on the effects of a positive environment?In their concluding remarks, the authors say, “Careful consideration of reward effects reported in 128 experiments leads to the conclusion that tangible rewards tend to have a substantially negative effect on intrinsic motivation, with the limiting conditions we have specified. Even when tangible rewards are offered as indicators of good performance, they typically decrease intrinsic motivation for interesting activities.”Why is this? I explain in the video. Watch it, let me know your thoughtsEssential Mental Skills Is Launching SoonThe Essential Mental Skills Course is launching soon. It is a structured introduction to mental skill development and contains lecture videos, slides, resources, a workbook, and kicks off with a live group Zoom orientation call. This course brings together what I've learned from my 30 years in business, 10 years in psychology, lecturing and private practice experience in a single system to help you achieve better mental health and optimise your performance in work, sport or business. Find out more and join the waiting list here. Get full access to Peak Performer at peak.humanperformance.ie/subscribe

Richard Ryan is a software developer and media executive with more than twenty years of experience in the tech industry. He has generated billions of views and millions of followers across social media platforms, leveraging his deep understanding of algorithms and digital marketing.  -As a co-founder of Black Rifle Coffee Company, he helped grow the brand to a publicly traded powerhouse with a $1.7 billion valuation and $396 million in revenue in 2023 -Richard has created a suite of applications to include a YouTube app that debuted in the App Store four years before YouTube. Across multiple apps, he's achieved millions of downloads. -As a media executive, he launched Rated Red with Verizon Media and Hearst Publications, growing it to over one million organic subscribers in its first year. -Richard's YouTube empire includes several channels like FullMag (2.7 million subscribers), with over twenty billion views across all his platforms. The Warrior's Garden: ⁠https://www.warriorsgarden.com/⁠ Today's Sponsors: Montana Knife Company: ⁠  https://www.montanaknifecompany.com/⁠ Bubs Naturals: ⁠ https://www.bubsnaturals.com/⁠ -BUBS IS THE ONLY BRAND THAT IS 100% NSF for SPORT CERTIFIED AND Whole30 Approved. -BUBS is the purest form of collagen, sustainably sourced from grass-fed and pasture-raised cows in southern Brazil -Keto and Paleo Diet Approved -Heat tolerant, you can put it in anything! USE CODE CLEARED HOT FOR 20% OFF YOUR NEXT PURCHASE

Are you living on autopilot, or are you living on purpose? In this episode of Simply Said, we're exploring what it really means to live intentionally—and why it matters more than ever. Polly unpacks how aligning your daily choices with your core values and long-term goals can lead to greater happiness, health, and resilience. Drawing on research by psychologists Richard Ryan and Edward Deci, we look at how intentional living helps fulfill essential human needs like autonomy, competence, and connection. Plus, we'll break down practical steps you can take to make more mindful, value-driven decisions in your everyday life. This isn't about doing more—it's about doing what matters most. Join the conversation and get more tools for living well at: pollycampbell.substack.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever wondered what it truly means to leave a legacy in business? Today's guest, Richard Ryan, is a powerhouse entrepreneur whose journey spans building businesses, pioneering media strategies, and living a life anchored in intention.Throughout our conversation, Richard and I explore the importance of curiosity, adaptability, and strategic thinking in achieving success.We dive into everything from rally cars and starting from scratch to building a coffee empire and redefining success after an IPO.This episode is packed with lessons about legacy, grit, and why how you show up matters more than what you achieve.Click play to hear all of this and:(00:05:00) How digital marketing's evolution has changed the game for creators and businesses alike.(00:06:19) Why being a subject matter enthusiast is the secret weapon for positioning yourself as an expert.(00:07:19) The intersection of luck, passion, and preparation—and how it creates opportunity.(00:08:34) Why follow-through matters more than ideas and how building the right team can make all the difference.(00:09:01) A peek behind the curtain of Richard's joint venture with Verizon Media and Hearst Publications.(00:10:00) How to tailor content to a specific demographic to create a fiercely loyal audience.(00:15:48) The exact media strategy blueprint that turned Black Rifle Coffee into a household name.(00:20:12) Lessons from the Wild West of analytics and early YouTube—how Richard stayed ahead of the curve.(00:24:02) How to use current events to inspire a brand's visibility and market position.(00:24:51) How to manage your time and focus while juggling multiple projects.(00:25:59) The importance of building a bingeable content library to educate, entertain, and emotionally connect with your audience.(00:30:22) How storytelling creates an emotional bond with your audience.(00:33:23) Richard's life post-IPO and what it means to transition to a publicly traded company.(00:34:20) Making bold moves, from early Bitcoin investments to financial freedom.(00:35:28) The importance of living modestly despite major success.(00:44:50) The importance of enjoying the process, not just chasing the end result.Listen to Related Episodes:I Learned How to Race a Rally Car: Here's What It Taught Me About BusinessCreating Content, Testimonials, and Your Next Offer | Q&AHow to Create More Meaningful Relationships in BusinessConnect With Richard Ryan:https://x.com/RichardRyanhttps://www.instagram.com/RichardRyan

We've touched on the theory of self-determination on the show before, but today, I'm thrilled to dedicate an entire episode to this important topic. Joining me for this deeper dive is Dr. Gina Riley, an expert in self-determination theory and motivation. This conversation will resonate with so many of you because it beautifully ties into themes we often explore here, like low-demand parenting and fostering our kids' natural passions and strengths. In this episode, Gina explains the theory of self-determination and dives into the science behind why it's so impactful, particularly for neurodivergent kids. We explore how it connects with autonomy-supportive parenting and discuss the three tenets of cognitive evaluation theory, which examines what fosters intrinsic motivation. We also tackle the hot topic of whether extrinsic motivators like stickers and rewards have a place and how to genuinely connect with our kids' interests—even when they differ from our own.   About Dr. Gina Riley Gina Riley, Ph.D., is an educational psychologist, Program Director, and Clinical Professor of Adolescent Special Education at CUNY – Hunter College. She has conducted significant research on homeschooling and unschooling, an educational method and philosophy that advocates student intrinsic motivation as a primary means for learning. In addition to her research on self-directed learning environments, Dr. Riley has expertise in Supported Decision Making, an alternative to guardianship for students with disabilities. She is a faculty advisor for Supported Decision Making New York, promoting autonomy and self-determination for individuals with disabilities.  Dr.Riley also has extensive experience in online, hybrid, and HyFlex education, having been actively involved in the field since 1998. Her contributions to educational psychology and alternative education models have been influential in shaping contemporary discussions on personalized and flexible learning approaches. Dr. Riley is the author of numerous academic articles and three books, including Unschooling:Exploring Learning Beyond the Classroom (Palgrave, 2020), The Homeschooling Starter Guide (Simon & Schuster, 2021), and The Joys of Self Determined Learning: A Collection of Essays (Ricci Publishing, 2022). She is the current President-Elect of the New York State Association of Teacher Educators.   Things you'll learn from this episode What self-determination theory is, and how it's connected to intrinsic motivation Why a sense of competence, autonomy, and relatedness, as outlined in the cognitive evaluation theory, are crucial for motivation Why it matters that parents focus on facilitating autonomy and decision-making in their children What the science says about how and why intrinsic motivation leads to better academic and social outcomes in adulthood How intrinsic and extrinsic motivations can coexist and why it's important that they're balanced   Resources mentioned Dr. Gina Riley's website Gina on Instagram Gina on Twitter Unschooling: Exploring Learning Beyond the Classroom by Dr. Gina Riley The Homeschooling Starter Guide: How to Create and Adapt the Best Education Action Plan for Your Needs by Dr. Gina Riley NYS Decision Making Curriculum (free decision making curriculum for schools and homeschools I Will Die on This Hill: Autistic Adults, Autism Parents, and the Children Who Deserve a Better World by Meghan Ashburn and Jules Edwards Meghan Ashburn and Jules Edwards on Autistic Adults, Autism Parents, and the Children Who Deserve a Better World (Tilt Parenting podcast) Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Dan Pink The intrinsic motivation of Richard Ryan and Edward Deci The Self-Driven Child, with William Stixrud and Ned Johnson (Tilt Parenting podcast) The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives by Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How can parents ensure their children grow up to be respectful, kind, and considerate towards others? This conversation with author and academic Richard Ryan examines the typical backgrounds of perpetrators of violence and aggression and gives practical advice to parents so they can meet their child's basic psychological needs of relatedness, autonomy, and competency. In this episode: Self Determination Theory Gendered violence Basic Psychological Needs Modelling values and behaviour Objectification and sexualisation of women in the media Reducing exposure to and setting limits on media use Resilience Links: Helping Our Boys Grow Into Men – Happy Families How to Prevent your Child Becoming A #metoo (and Prevent your Child from Creating One) – Happy Families 4 P's to Prevent Peer Pressure in your Teens – Happy Families Find us on Facebook or TikTok Leave a voice memo here or email your questions/comments to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au Find out more about joining THE QUEST at our websiteSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today on The Neil Haley Show, Neil "The Media Giant" Haley and Kim Sorrelle of The Love Is Podcast interview Richard Ryan. Actor, producer, director, writer, known for his versatility, dedication and wide range as an actor, Richard Ryan is the founder of Ox Films, most widely recognized in the role of Joseph Markham in Art of Deception. However, his role of Brad Jenkins in Fortune 500 Man also looms large in his filmography.

A mix-and-match episode of BEHIND THE LENS this week as w/d/e/actor RICHARD RYAN joins us talking about ART OF DECEPTION. Plus, my exclusive interview with director THEA SHARROCK discussing the wickedly delicious WICKED LITTLE LETTERS. First up is my prerecorded exclusive interview with director THEA SHARROCK go in-depth on one of the most hilarious films you will see all year – WICKED LITTLE LETTERS. I laughed so hard that I had to watch the film twice to hear all of the dialogue. Boasting a first-rate cast with Olivia Coleman, Jessie Buckley, Timothy Spall, Gemma Jones, Eileen Atkins, Joanna Scanlon, and Anjana Vasan, with a script by Jonny Sweet, WICKED LITTLE LETTERS is quite simply, perfection. Based on a true event from the 1920's United Kingdom, foul language itself becomes a character thanks to the verbatim verbiage of the profane letters at the heart of this tale, which is then punctuated with outstanding production values and performances while also addressing themes as topical today as in 1920 – freedom of speech, oppression, workplace discrimination, socio-economic discrimination, discrimination against women, and overall misogyny. Then take a listen as the man wearing all the hats, RICHARD RYAN, joins us talking about his latest film, the action-packed thriller ART OF DECEPTION. Talking about choosing collaborators, developing the script, a prolonged "part-time" shooting schedule, post-production, and more, Richard covers his roles as producer, writer, director, actor, editor, line producer, post-production supervisor, VFX, and the inherent challenges he faced in bringing ART OF DECEPTION to life. http://eliasentertainmentnetwork.com

Richard Ryan is a talented actor, producer, director, and writer known for being versatile in his roles. He's the founder of Ox Films and became famous for playing Joseph Markham in "Art of Deception" and Brad Jenkins in "Fortune 500 Man." Ryan started Ox Films, making short films and later feature films. His big breakthrough came with "Art of Deception." Even though he didn't start with a film school, he later attended The Art Institute of Sacramento to learn more about filmmaking. In his early career, Ryan had roles in TV and independent films. He learned from various acting teachers and even went to improv classes. He believes in studying acting and creating your own material to keep growing as an artist and person. Teachers like Aaron Speiser, Michelle Danner, and others have influenced him, showing his commitment to getting better at his craft. Art of Deception  Film - Suspense Thriller  "Art of Deception" is an intense story about spying and tough choices. The CIA has a big plan to control everyone's minds for world domination. Joseph Markham, a top scientist, discovers this plan and has to decide whether to save a lot of people or his wife, Valentina. His choice leads to a chase by CIA henchmen and a country-wide search led by Deputy Director Roland Smith. Valentina gets kidnapped and faces tough questioning, making the story even more gripping. The movie explores important ideas about life, love, and power on a global scale, showing how one person's decision can affect the whole world. Want to watch: YouTube Meisterkhan Pod (Please Subscribe)

In this episode, we offer up three independent segments. Matt Richter is joined first by Nidhi Sachdeva. Nidhi is both an evidence-based learning designer and a researcher. She just completed her PhD in the spring, and the two talk about the differences between learning and performance. Then, Guy Wallace is in the house. Guy needs no introduction, having been a performance analyst and instructional architect for a few decades now. We talk about his latest book, The L&D Pivot Point, published by LDA Press. Finally, in our third segment, the inimitable Thiagi joins Matt for a new series we will intermittently run called “A Person of Interest.” Thiagi shares his biography… his story with us.You can find Nidhi most easily on LinkedIn here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nidhi-sachdeva-toronto/, or her blog with Jim Hewitt here: https://scienceoflearning.substack.com Guy can be found here: https://eppic.biz/guy-w-wallace-2/ And, Thiagi here: https://thiagi.com. Nidhi references the work of Paul Kirscher, John Sweller, and Richard Mayer and their article, Why Minimal Guidance During Instruction Does Not Work: An Analysis of the Failure of Constructivist, Discovery, Problem-Based, Experiential, and Inquiry-Based Teaching. You can find it here: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/epdf/10.1207/s15326985ep4102_1?needAccess=true Matt & Nidhi refer to the cognitive architecture and instructional design when discussing complex skills. He references the Sweller, van Merrienboer, and Paas article from 1998: Cognitive Architecture and Instructional Design found here: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/A:1022193728205 They also deviate and start talking about SDT (Self-Determination Theory), and you can learn more about that here: https://selfdeterminationtheory.orgAnd, Matt wrote an article about SDT in the context of learning found here: https://ldaccelerator.com/lda-blog-1/open-the-motivational-door-and-let-the-learners-in-and-keep-them The 85% Rule for Optimal Learning can be found here: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-019-12552-4 Scott Rigby and Richard Ryan, Glued to Games: How Video Games Draw Us In and Hold Us Spellbound. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2012-01778-000  Guy's book, The L&D Pivot point can be purchased here: https://ldaccelerator.com/the-ld-pivot-point Thiagi studied with Albert Elsen. Here's more info about him: https://honorsandawards.iu.edu/awards/honoree/1453.html BEST AND WORST REFERENCES:Daniel Willingham Tik Tok on the fallacy of rereading for studying. Ok… there are a ton of Tim Tok videos by Dan. We aren't sure exactly which one she referred to, but after going through several to find it, we recommend the whole darn Willingham channel. It's great. https://www.tiktok.com/@daniel_willingham 

Commitment, a measure of mental toughness is largely about making promises to yourself and then going on to follow through with those promises, without being sidetracked or derailed.  As a Sports Psychologist I note that a lot of people are highly driven and could be argued to be goal setters.  Regularly setting goals and striving to attain them.  Yet, they aren't shown what are helpful goals and they don't question whether the goals that they set are going to be beneficial for their performance or well-being. In this solo episode I unpick this, where I ask you to consider your goals, are they intrinsic or extrinsic? Are they helping you get to where you want to get to?  Do you feel good, as a result of your goals? This episode should appeal to coaches, parents, teachers and athletes themselves.   Key Learning Points Check out the work of Edward Deci and Richard Ryan prominent US based psychologists and the founders of Self Determination Theory. Deci and Ryan's work on Self-determination Theory suggests that as humans we have three innate psychological needs that are the origin for self-motivation. These are autonomy, competence and relatedness​​. It can be argued that intrinsic goals are motivated by internal reasons or basic psychological needs, such as feelings of competence or relatedness. One example of an intrinsically motivated goal in a sporting context includes a goalkeeper who is having difficulties dealing with crosses.  The goal then is to improve this aspect of the goalkeeper's game, where the goalkeeper tries to see the situation as a challenge that can be overcome or a learning point, if they want to perform better for the team. Extrinsic goals, go on to satisfy external reasons and usually depend on external approval from others, rewards or avoiding punishments. Examples of extrinsic motivation driven goals include: The young goalkeeper who is told by their dad if you play well today, you'll get a bottle of prime after the match or a cricketer who is told by his coach in a grumpy manner that he or she needs to improve their skillset, and learn to master a new shot for the new season. A person's self-motivation and commitment levels, as well as their results are affected differently by the two kinds of goals that they set. Connect with David Charlton Sign Up to The Mental Edge Join David @ The Sports Psychology Hub Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn Relevant Podcast Episodes to Help Your Commitment Levels Ep002: Steve Judge – How to Deal with Adversity Ep021: Steve Hackney – How To Reach Your Full Potential Ep042: Mark Bennett MBE – Characteristics of High Performance Athletes  Ep138: Nick Littlehales – Why do the Mentally Tough see Sleep and Recovery as Important Ep141: David Charlton – How to Help a Child Who Wants to Quit Sport Other Relevant Blogs and Resources to Boost Your Commitment Blog: Focusing on the Process as a Team Blog: Focus on the Process Blog: Why You Should Stop Setting SMART Goals Blog: Cricket Psychology Tips: Control the Controllables 4 Steps To Form A Habit That Actually Sticks Our guide to checking if your goals are intrinsically driven. Self Determination Theory Website

For many, motivation can come in waves. There are days when you feel like you're getting everything on your list done and there are other days when you can barely manage to open up your to-do list. But why does this happen? How can we increase motivation? For starters, we have to look at how motivation is sustained and built. When we have a deeper understanding around motivation we are more likely to leverage this knowledge when we need it the most.  The basis of this podcast is all around self-determination theory. This is a broad framework on the study of human motivation. It defines intrinsic and various extrinsic sources of motivation that has been developed by psychologists, Richard Ryan and Edward Deci, in 1985. Now, we don't go into a lot about self-determination theory but we do break down the three sources of motivation which are: autonomy, competence, and relatedness.  SUBMIT YOUR TIME SUCKING HURDLE! We want to know what is sucking up all of your time either as a teacher or just a person. Head over to our website and submit your TSH so that you can have a chance to be featured on the podcast! SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW Are you subscribed to our podcast? If you're not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don't want you to miss an episode. Click here to subscribe to iTunes! Now if you're feeling extra loving, We would be really grateful if you left us a review over on iTunes, too. Those reviews help other people find our podcast and they're also fun for us to go in and read. Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is. Thank you!

Nir Eyal, author of "Hooked" and "Indistractable," joins Manisha Snoyer to discuss his family's homeschooling journey, the philosophy of child-led learning, the role of technology in education, and how to raise indistractable kids. Throughout the conversation, Eyal highlights his daughter's experiences with self-directed education, the importance of personalization in learning, and the benefits of a flexible homeschooling schedule. He also shares insights into managing screen time, distinguishing between good and bad digital experiences, and fostering a love for learning. This episode offers a profound exploration of the current educational landscape, providing valuable perspectives for parents, educators, and anyone interested in a modern approach to teaching and learning.Nir Eyal (@nireyal) is a renowned author, lecturer, and expert in behavioral design. Primarily known for his work on the psychology of habit-forming products, he has also made contributions to the field of education, particularly homeschooling. His book "Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life" serves as a manual for maintaining focus in an increasingly distracted world, a concept that he applies to educational settings as well. Eyal's approach blends technological innovation with cognitive psychology, focusing on creating habits and routines that make learning more interactive and tailored to individual needs. His insights not only enhance learning but also offer fresh perspectives in the constantly evolving landscape of learning. SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODEConnect with Nir Eyal:Website | X | Facebook | LinkedInHooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products -  Nir EyalIndistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life - Nir EyalFree to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life - Peter GrayRegain Hours of Lost Productivity - Indistractable Workbook How to Craft an 'Indistractable' Summer Schedule for Your Kids - Nir And FarWyzant - Professional tutorsNo, Smartphones Have Not Destroyed a Generation - Sarah Rose CavanaghSelf-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being - Richard Ryan, Edwar DedciThe Modulo CommunityThis site contains product affiliate links. We may receive a commission if you make a purchase after clicking on one of these links. Time Codes:[00:01:00]: Manisha introduces her guest, Nir Eyal. He shares his personal homeschooling journey.[00:06:42]: Nir shares his daughter's positive experiences with self-directed education in the form of having the autonomy to hire her own teachers.[00:09:25]: Explanation of the multifaceted advantages of homeschooling, such as schedule flexibility and the ability to include activities traditional schooling can't accommodate, and provides a detailed account of what a typical day looks like.[00:14:45]: Nir shares his philosophy of natural consequences, focusing on guiding rather than dictating. He emphasizes the importance of allowing children to make their own paths, understanding the results of their choices, and building a more authentic learning experience.[00:20:10]: Nir Eyal highlights the importance of being honest and transparent with children, sharing personal anecdotes and struggles.[00:30:50]: Discussion about the social benefits homeschooling provides, including examples of how a customized education can cultivate broader social skills and adaptability.[00:34:43]: Nir Eyal presents his beliefs about screen time, stating that it isn't inherently bad. He emphasizes the importance of moderation and age-appropriate content, along with communication between parent and child.[00:39:20]: Offering a fresh perspective on managing screen time and understanding children's virtual behavior, Nir gives insight into the displacement hypothesis, the idea that children may seek online what they lack offline.[00:49:36]: The significance of scheduling time for online activities and free play.[00:53:53]: Manisha asks the guest, Nir Eyal, about something new he is currently learning.[00:56:00]: Nir Eyal introduces a workbook that can help anyone become less distractible. He outlines four key strategies, opening up a practical path towards focused and effective living.[01:01:24]: Conclusion, book recommendations, resources, and final thoughts.

Nick is joined by writer and broadcaster Lydia Hislop on the middle day of the Boodles July Festival at Newmarket. They take stock of the Day One action, reluctantly conceding the best days may be behind Adayar while hailing the conspicuous promise and talent of Nostrum. They take a look at the two big Group ones of the weekend, and round up all the news from off the track. Also on today's show, Teme Valley's Richard Ryan discusses two big fancies for Saturday, Australian Turf Club Director Angela Belle McSweeney talks about the massive prize money boost for the Everest and the renamed King Charles III, NHRM Chair Frances Stanley drops in to highlight the Banksy exhibition in Newmarket and much more, while Racing Welfare's Hetta Harris discusses her new role in supporting Stud Staff. Food and wine are provided once again by Neil Phillips and Damian Adams.

Nick is joined by writer and broadcaster Lydia Hislop on the middle day of the Boodles July Festival at Newmarket. They take stock of the Day One action, reluctantly conceding the best days may be behind Adayar while hailing the conspicuous promise and talent of Nostrum. They take a look at the two big Group ones of the weekend, and round up all the news from off the track. Also on today's show, Teme Valley's Richard Ryan discusses two big fancies for Saturday, Australian Turf Club Director Angela Belle McSweeney talks about the massive prize money boost for the Everest and the renamed King Charles III, NHRM Chair Frances Stanley drops in to highlight the Banksy exhibition in Newmarket and much more, while Racing Welfare's Hetta Harris discusses her new role in supporting Stud Staff. Food and wine are provided once again by Neil Phillips and Damian Adams.

In this week's Saturday edition, Charlotte Greenway previews the July Cup ay Newmarket with connections of the favourite Shaquille, owner Martin Hughes and trainer Julie Camacho. Plus Ralph Beckett and Michael Dods give their insight on their runner Kinross and Azure Blue, Also, Teme Valley's racing manager Richard Ryan discusses their best chances over the weekend.

Nick is joined by renowned sports broadcaster Rishi Persad to bring you the latest news and events from around the world of horseracing. Among the guests today are Ricci racing manager Joe Chambers, who signposts that Royale Pagaille is likelier to head to Fairyhouse than Aintree, Noel Meade, trainer of Irish National favourite Thedevilscoachman and Aintree hopeful Diol Ker and Richard Ryan, whose Teme Valley Racing is trying to conquer in two hemispheres this weekend. Dr George Wilson tells Nick about his research into jockeys' nutrition at Liverpool John Moores University, while Josh Apiafi details how racing is marking the 30th anniversary of the murder of Stephen Lawrence. Nick and Rishi also touch on the appointment of Jack Tudor at David Pipe's stables and the latest leaks from the gambling white paper.

Nick is joined by renowned sports broadcaster Rishi Persad to bring you the latest news and events from around the world of horseracing. Among the guests today are Ricci racing manager Joe Chambers, who signposts that Royale Pagaille is likelier to head to Fairyhouse than Aintree, Noel Meade, trainer of Irish National favourite Thedevilscoachman and Aintree hopeful Diol Ker and Richard Ryan, whose Teme Valley Racing is trying to conquer in two hemispheres this weekend. Dr George Wilson tells Nick about his research into jockeys' nutrition at Liverpool John Moores University, while Josh Apiafi details how racing is marking the 30th anniversary of the murder of Stephen Lawrence. Nick and Rishi also touch on the appointment of Jack Tudor at David Pipe's stables and the latest leaks from the gambling white paper.

In the latest Saturday Edition, Charlotte Greenway looks ahead to this weekend's action from the Northern and Southern hemisphere. Firstly, ahead of the big clash down under between Anamoe and Dubai Honour, Dubai Honour's trainer William Haggas gives an insight into what it's been like in the build up to the Queen Elizabeth Stakes and Channel 7s Jason Richardson explains why this race is so important. Teme Valley also run two in opposition so racing manager Richard Ryan discusses whether they might be able to cause an upset. Back in the Northern Hemisphere and changing codes, ahead of the Irish Grand National on Monday, Noel Meade runs through his likely runners including favourite, Thedevilscoachman whilst Rich and Susannah Ricci's racing manager Joe Chambers reveals their best chances over the Easter weekend.

Richard Ryan is a serial entrepreneur and co-founder of Black Rifle Coffee Company. In this conversation, we talk about his entrepreneurial career, building mobile apps before YouTube was in the app store, how he built a media company with Verizon, all the secrets of Black Rifle Coffee, and tips to grow an audience online. ======================= Announcing LYCEUM | Miami, a day-long event on March 4th in Miami Beach hosted by Pomp. We're gathering an explosive group of experts to engage in a series of bold discussions, covering topics from investing, emerging tech, longevity, space exploration, entertainment and more.The speaker lineup includes names such as investing legend Cathie Wood, NYT bestselling author Vivek Ramaswamy, billionaire Christian Angermayer, master of Contrarian Thinking Codie Sanchez, Modern Wisdom host Chris Williamson plus many more. Listeners will receive an exclusive 40% discount on VIP and Insider Pass tickets with code POMP40. General Admission tickets are free of charge. Spots are limited so head to lyceummiami.com to buy your ticket today. ======================= Pomp writes a daily letter to over 200,000+ investors about business, technology, and finance. He breaks down complex topics into easy-to-understand language while sharing opinions on various aspects of each industry. You can subscribe at https://pomp.substack.com/ =======================

In this episode 100, I am delighted and honoured to be joined by esteemed researcher, psychologist and co-founder of Self-Determination Theory, Dr. Richard Ryan. Dr. Ryan's work has been cited over 510,000 times and his work with Edward Deci on intrinsic motivation and Self-Determination Theory has changed the way educators understand raising motivation in the classroom. Dr. Ryan provides us with detailed, insightful perspectives on the current research around raising Self-Determination Theory as well as how it applies in the language acquisition classroom. An absolutely fantastic discussion with a researcher that has changed the world of education. This is a must listen for all teachers. Keep in touch and share widely! Full programme notes are available on www.liamprinter.com/podcast. Follow The Motivated Classroom on Instagram @themotivatedclassroom, Twitter @motclasspodcast and Facebook @themotivatedclassroom. I'd love to know what you think, please get in touch! Join the conversation with the hashtag #MotivatedClassroom. Enjoying the podcast? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Facebook. Become a Patron of The Motivated Classroom podcast on patreon.com.

Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcast |Google Podcast | Amazon Music | Spotify What can an entrepreneur teach a non-entrepreneur?  What value could a relationship like that even bring?  With an open mind, it may help you build for tomorrow. Jason Feifer is the editor-in-chief of Entrepreneur Magazine.  But that is not who he is or what defines what he does.  Instead, Jason Feifer is a person who tells stories in his own voice. As a successful editor, author, speaker, and podcast host (there isn't much he doesn't do), Jason doesn't work simply with entrepreneurs; he works with all of us through his valuable skill of telling stories that help us build for tomorrow.  But what exactly does that mean?  It centers around not panicking when you see change coming or when it has already arrived.  The ability to learn to apply filters reduces the constant and consistent noise that surrounds us.  And the capability to help liberate ourselves from nostalgia and build a new narrative for our lives. Jason lays out three important questions we should ask ourselves if we are to liberate ourselves from nostalgia and build a new narrative of our lives.  Additionally, he provides great frameworks for utilizing Richard Ryan's self-determination theory and Bethenny Frankel's theory of buckets. But one of my favorite topics we covered was at the end when we talked about how LeBron James has an intense focus on "making the main thing, the main thing." Please enjoy my conversation with Jason Feifer. For show notes and resources discussed in this episode, visit tammacapital.com/97. For more episodes, go to tammacapital.com/podcast. Follow Paul on Facebook and LinkedIn. And feel free to email Paul at pfenner@tammacapital.com with any feedback, questions, or ideas for future guests and topics. 

Richard Ryan joins the show. 

Richard Ryan is the Co-Founder of Black Rifle Coffee Black Rifle Coffee Company. In this conversation we discuss Richard's experience building companies through digital media marketing, how he built Black Riffle Coffee, free speech, understanding emerging technologies, Bitcoin and why Richard is so excited about the Crypto Industry. ======================= Fundrise is the largest direct-to-investor real estate investment platform out there, giving you the opportunity to achieve upside of an asset class previously reserved for institutions and high net worth individuals. That's right, Fundrise is making high-end private market real estate investing accessible to everyone via an easy-to-use, automated platform. See for yourself how over 190,000 investors have built a better portfolio with private real estate. It takes just a few minutes to get started with as little as $10.  Go to http://Fundrise.com/Pomp today and, for a limited time, get $10 when you place your first investment. That's Fundrise.com/Pomp ======================= Compass Mining is the world's first online marketplace for bitcoin mining hardware and hosting. Compass was founded with the goal of making it easy for everyone to mine bitcoin.  Visit http://compassmining.io to start mining bit ======================= This episode is sponsored by my favorite place to buy, trade, and stake crypto, Okcoin. They're the fastest growing US based exchange, serving over 190 countries globally with the easy onboarding and low fees. If you haven't tried them out yet, you should. They're on a mission to make learning about and buying crypto easier than ever, and they're all about bringing more financial literacy to everyone, something we can always use more of.  From being the only exchange to integrate Lightning to contributing over $1M for Bitcoin core devs, they're doing incredible work to further the bitcoin ecosystem and they offer lots of other vetted utility assets from gaming to defi. With Okcoin, I feel confident that the future really will be ok. To get started, go to http://okcoin.com/pomp for some free bitcoin when you sign up. =======================