Podcasts about fuckers

HEI, FUCKERS! Denne episoden handler mest om hjemløse. De har nemlig en barnlig tilnerming til teknologi, som vi mener samfunnet kan lære av. Eivind har observert en ny trend i bybildet og innser at han trenger enda et friår. Christian savner Ravi (ring mæi plis) og AK gjør burpees på Kringsjå. Vi vil forøvrig takke henne for en fremreagende tekniker jobb. Uten henne kunne ikke vi ha laget Radio Novas beste sending noensinne.

This week, Raoni shares the origin story of the infamous Floppy Fish Fucker from past episodes in the "My Gay Expose Podcast" era of this series. Awkwardness is the theme of this week's story as Raoni sheds some light as to why he could have possibly made a repetitive friends-with-benefits situation with someone whose sex was so bad it could only be described as the Floppy Fish Fucker.Follow The Raoni Washburn Show on:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Threads⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Positive+1⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠all @exposingmygay,Please subscribe to the "⁠⁠⁠⁠Bossy Power Bottom Gay-Treon (Patreon)⁠⁠⁠⁠" and get all things Bossy Power Bottom Productions bonus content from over four shows! Don't forget to go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠raoniwashburn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for any information you need on the show or Bossy Power Bottom Productions. While on the show website, look at the⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Bossy Power Bottom Catalog⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and pick out your next piece for your upcoming gay or pride-related event. Do you have something you want Raoni to hear? Call in on the official Bossy Power Bottom hotline at 415 501 0401 and leave a message. Any other inquiries are received at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mygayexpose@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ !

Kid A.G. and El Pres dive headfirst into the cesspool of AI madness, Elon Musk's sperminator antics, and the Cheeto-faced bromance that's making America gag harder than a Hooters waitress on a slow tip night. This ain't your grandma's podcast—unless your grandma's a foul-mouthed degenerate who loves a good conspiracy rant. Strap in, degenerates! Go Deep! What's on the Menu?   AI: The Good, The Bad, and The gloriously Fucked-Up – Kid A.G. unleashes Grok 3 in fun mode, and it roasts Elon like a Thanksgiving turkey on a spit. Evil AI domination? Check.   12 Kids, Zero Chill – This asshole's got more crotch goblins than a clown car at a haunted house. Is he a genius or just a horny egomaniac with a broken condom stash?   Bromance – Billionaires circle-jerking over power grabs while the world burns. Featuring Trump's tanning bed fetish and Elon's creepy ketamine-fueled awkwardness.   Political Shitshow  – From deregulation to Starlink mind control, these two are turning America into a dystopian wet dream.   Fertility Clinic Fiascos – A lady pops out a black baby that ain't hers, and some old dude's sperm is still knocking up strangers. What the actual fuck?   Hooters Nostalgia – Kid A.G. and El Pres drool over waitresses in khaki shorts and dream of stealing bartenders for the ultimate bar lineup. Boobs and beers, baby! This episode's a chaotic dumpster fire of AI rants, Musk-bashing, and Trump-mocking—exactly what you signed up for. Go Deep!, Fuckers! Wanna scream at us? Hit up goindeepshow@email.com  Tell us how much you hate Elon's haircut or Trump's tiny hands—we don't give a shit, but we'll read it anyway. 

In this weeks special episode producer Emm plays through snippets of the most listened to episodes! Can you guess what number 1 is? To watch the full video, see exclusive content and support the podcast join our Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/comecurious Follow us on Instagram @comecurious and DM us your questions and f*ck off stories! Follow Florence @florencebark Follow Reed @reedamberx Produced and edited by @sillygooseteam Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Send us a textThe Bums are back in the rail yard for S5:0124, smacking the top half with Chicago Bears coaching picks; NFL Playoff finales and Super Bowl look ahead assessment; the Kansas City Refs are a on a terror (rolls eyes); Olin “Crazy Eyes Killer” Kruetz hired by Bears as new O-line coach (kinda); Justin “Tugger” Tucker - recent grad from  DeShaun Watson Charm School - is another massage predator; Buckeyes man-handles the Irish to win the College Football Championship; Vandy's freshman scoring record busted again; with spring around the corner talk turns to baseball and the Hall of Fame holdout(s) who should be punched in the face; Yankees bake sale fails to cover payroll; NBA trade season starts with a head scratcher; Jimmy “Drama” Butler is weird; TGL Golf not really real; and close with NCAA soccer farm systems being a thing.The second half zings into another infamous beer review with a collaboration with Chicago's Old Irving Brewing's and San Francisco's Barebottle Brewing Company with “Overland Flyer” (ABV 5.9%), a West Coast Pilsner brewed with a lager grain bill, dry-hopped.  It features Citra, Nectaron, & Sabro buds, fermented with a clean lager yeast; presents as crisp and hop-forward, especially for a pilsner (well done); Rocky nearly crys over spilt bloodies — and it goes as you'd expect; The band The Band lost its final living member (sad emoji face); Eddie fingers a 10 pounder and Rocky is on shovel duty; another Chow Report installment bakes with Trumer Tap y Cinco Rabanitos; Rocky's Vegas streak is intact; singing the Brown People Blues; something's amiss with signage Chicago's Empty Bottle; and close as Paddy gives Netflix series ‘Night Agent' a once over.   Bums of Manarchy, here it comes, better fresh — t-shirts for everyone.Recorded on February 2nd, 2025 at B.O.M.'s global headquarters, Paddy's Southside Cave, in Chicago, IL

La rencontre Martineau-Dutrizac avec Richard Martineau et Benoit Dutrizac Pour de l'information concernant l'utilisation de vos données personnelles - https://omnystudio.com/policies/listener/fr

On revient sur la démission de Justin Trudeau avec le chef du Parti québécois, Paul St-Pierre Plamondon | Le politicien français d’extrême droite, Jean-Marie Le Pen, est mort à 96 ans | On jase des problèmes de moteur du Hyundai Tucson Dans cet épisode intégral du 7 janvier, en entrevue : Yannick Lemay – alias Ygreck–, caricaturiste Paul St-Pierre Plamondon, chef du Parti québécois Jean-Lin Lacapelle, Délégué National aux Français de l'étranger et ancien député européen du Rassemblement National Louis-Philippe Dubé, journaliste au Guide de l’auto Une production QUB Janvier 2025 Pour de l'information concernant l'utilisation de vos données personnelles - https://omnystudio.com/policies/listener/fr

We're BACK-ish! Sisters, Jenna and Annie are back for a special reunion episode! We're sharing all the updates and laughs from the past year. Support the show

Virginia goes north, in her mission to save Christmas.By cb summers. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. I won't bore you with the teeny little details of what happened after that. But here are the general outlines of it: fake young Santa was put on suspension, pending investigation, and I was arrested because he claimed that I'd attacked him. That I'd raped him, in fact. Little old me. Can you imagine that? But apparently he forgot there was a hidden camera in the room, aimed right at the throne. On the tape he was clearly a willing participant, so they released me after one night in jail. He was fired, which serves him right for being such a liar. I wasn't prosecuted, although they considered it.The children waiting in the queue line had been evacuated as soon as I started getting loud. But the store made me sign a non-disclosure agreement. So… I can't really talk about what happened or they'll sue me. Oh, and I was banned from that store for life.I also found out that the only reason he and those other department store Santas knew my name was that the elves took down everyone's name in advance and whispered it to Santa before bringing them up! Can you imagine the duplicity? We didn't use that kind of trickery back when I was an elf!But worst of all, I spent Christmas Eve in jail, which was absolutely horrible. I'd been planning all year to wait for Santa to come down my chimney. I'd be lying naked on the table next to the tree, freshly baked cookies stacked on my belly and a glass of milk between my legs. I knew I would be irresistible. But now I despaired! There was no chimney in the big communal cell they threw me in. The girls there tried to have some Christmas spirit, but it was totally the pits. I was certain that when I went home I'd find another lump of coal on my floor. But when I finally got back to my apartment late Christmas night, there were no presents at all. I'd been robbed. I must have left my door unlocked, or someone had picked the lock. I had no idea if Santa left me a present that year or not. The thieves stole all my presents. Fuckers.Anyway, the lesson I took away from that event was this: never trust a man in a Santa suit. From that moment on I would only seek out men who looked like Santa naturally. No gimmicks. No makeup. No fancy suits. Just natural, fat, jolly, white haired men. I felt certain that the forces of the universe were bringing me and Santa together, and all I needed to do was keep looking, and sooner or later I'd find him.As I said earlier, I'm an eternal optimist.SCENE 3MEET-UP AT MOOSE CAFÉAfter hanging up with Kris, I set out for the all night diner. The weather was horrible. It was snowing, and roads were nearly impassable. But in spite of my poor winter driving skills, I made it through, heedless of the wind and weather. I got there well before him. Kris took almost half an hour longer than he'd said he would. Not surprising. The North Pole is something like 1000 miles from Anchorage. Maybe he couldn't find Rudolph that night, so it was harder to make it through the storm. But whatever it was, just when I was starting to worry he wouldn't show up, I saw him walk nervously through the door. He stomped the snow off his big brown boots and hung his huge green winter coat next to the door. I'd half expected him to be wearing his Santa suit, but he was going incognito of course. He was wearing a big hand-knitted red and green sweater and a green knit cap with a big white ball of yarn on top. He looked absolutely adorable.He saw me sitting in the last booth along the window and smiled a pale, sad smile. He sat down across from me and was happy to see I'd already ordered him a great big steaming mug of cocoa. I would have ordered cookies too, but they didn't have any.There was a faraway look in his eyes. “Thanks for… helping me. It's been a crazy couple of days,” he said with his deep velvety voice.I reached out to pat the back of his big hand. “I've been there.” His skin was amazingly soft.“Yeah?” he said. “That surprises me. You look so… I don't know… innocent.”“Sometimes I feel like I am innocent. Down deep. But of course, I'm not. I'm a sex addict, same as you. I've done so many naughty things… stupid, reckless things… you have no idea.”He nodded and sipped his cocoa. We sat in silence for a while. I didn't know what to say. I'd never been a sponsor before. I wasn't sure where to start. After a while he asked, “So… you didn't speak at the meeting. What's your sob story? No, don't answer… I shouldn't pry.”I was relieved he'd started the ball rolling, so I smiled and said, “Oh, don't worry about it. My sob story is that I'm just your average, ordinary, everyday sex addict. I've been celibate for almost a year, but I spent the year before that hitchhiking around the continent, having unprotected sex with total strangers. You know, same ol' story.”His feathery white eyebrows went up with interest. “Really? Were there a lot of them?”I shrugged, “I never bothered to count at the time. But Sam told me to come up with an estimate. I'm sure it was more than a hundred. Maybe one twenty five? I don't know. It was a bit of a blur…” My cheeks were red with embarrassment.He smiled a wicked little smile. His eyes were really twinkling now. He leaned closer to me over the table, “Details, please.”This is exactly the sort of thing that sex addicts aren't supposed to do. You know, turn each other on with their lurid tales. But I wanted Kris to trust me. He needed my help. So I had to open up to him… at least a little. I decided to tell him my story, sort of. I left out the stuff I did in New York, because that all involved men in Santa suits and if I talked about those guys, eventually I would say too much, and he'd know my secret. If he knew I had a thing for guys with white beards, well, I wasn't sure what would happen, but I wasn't ready to drop that bomb just yet.“Well…” I said, “let's see. Every sex addict is chasing something. For me it was a particular man. A fantasy figure, if you will, who I was trying to find…”“Mr. Right?” he prompted. Oh, Kris understood me so well!“Yes, that's right! I was looking for my Mr. Right. I had this fixed idea in my mind of what he looked like, what he acted like, how he smelled… and I knew that I'd know him as soon as I met him. But every time I met a man who resembled this idea I had in my head… well, I was overcome with the urge to kiss him, and that usually led to more. But it seemed like the minute it was over I'd figure out he wasn't Mr. Right after all, and I'd go out in search of him all over again. It was an obsession. I lost my job as a result. Eventually, I couldn't afford to live in New York anymore so I put my treasures in storage and hit the road in a rickety old car. I drove randomly from town to town, city to city, looking for Mr. Right.”“And you found him everywhere you looked.”“Yep. I found him in stores, on streets, bars, churches, fairgrounds… everywhere. Not everyone was happy with me trying to kiss them, so I got in trouble a few times, and I kept moving. I found that biker bars and truck stops were filled with Mr. Rights. Those guys are mostly straight and mostly hedonists, so I had better luck approaching them.”“Wow,” he said, his eyes wide with amazement at my tale, “That sounds… dangerous.”“I guess. But I was lucky. I didn't get any STD's, and I went on the pill to keep from getting pregnant. And none of these guys were ever violent with me. I wouldn't have approached a scary looking man in the first place. I wouldn't kiss a man unless he was jolly.”“Jolly?” he asked with interest.“Happy, I mean. Nice faces, a good laugh. Anyway, the only times I felt in danger were a couple of orgies at biker clubs. I was only interested in Mr. Right, but sometimes his buddies would want to join in… sometimes they didn't ask. One time this guy came right up and stuck it in my… you know. Back door. Ugh. I hated that kind of thing at the time.”“But… you like it now?” he said, with a lustful twinkle in his eye.I blushed and slapped his hand, “Kris. A sex addict can get used to anything. Anyway, whenever I was making love to Mr. Right, I felt so happy that I actually wanted to please his friends. Afterwards however… I sometimes felt stupid. Cheap. Dirty.”The look of lust left his eye. I'd connected with him. “Exactly,” he said, tears suddenly welling up in his big blue eyes, “That's exactly how I feel. It's great when I'm doing it, then I cum… and bam! I realize what a total disaster my life is becoming.”I reached out to touch his rosy cheek. Oh my, his beard was soft!! Downy soft, like a fuzzy bunny! A tear fell out of his eye and ran across my thumb, sending an electric jolt through my pussy. I had to restrain myself from leaping over the tabletop to kiss him. I put my hand back down on the table, trying to control my breathing. That was a close one.“I know, Kris, I know. But it gets better. Although sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. Sometimes you just have to hit bottom before you can turn things around.” I think I heard someone say that in a movie once.He nodded and wiped his eyes on the sleeves of his sweater, “So, how did you hit bottom?”“Kris… I came here to help you, not tell you my sad story…”“It is helping me… listening to you. Honestly. I want to hear.” His azure eyes looked at me… I mean, right at me, unblinking. I don't think anyone had ever, in my whole life, looked at me that way. My heart went thumpity, thump, thump!“Well,” I said, “eventually my car broke down, and I set out on foot, hitchhiking from place to place. I knew that was dangerous so I went to a truck stop to see if I could find someone to give me a lift all the way to Alaska. You see, I'd gotten this idea in my mind that Mr. Right probably lived in or near Alaska. Anyway, I met this guy at a truck stop who not only looked just like Mr. Right, he was on his way to Anchorage! He had this big beautiful red truck and …”“Was he Jolly?” Kris asked, his blue eyes twinkling with mischief.I laughed, “Oh, yes. Jolly as hell. So I kissed him right there in the parking lot, and he took me to his truck and we fucked… oh, sorry, I don't mean to be so crude.”Kris leaned forward, speaking softly so nobody but me could possibly hear him. “Virginia… why do we use euphemisms? Why are we so ashamed to call a thing what it is? It's kind of like lying. I didn't have a dalliance with my employees. I fucked them. I stuck my cock in their mouths and up their asses. I came all over their faces. I cheated on my wife. I mean that's what I did. If we're not going to be honest, how can we ever face our mistakes?” He smiled at me, and I felt bathed in Saint Nick's radiance.I blushed, leaned in closer and continued my story, “Well, you asked for it. Here's the story, euphemism-free… Where was I…?”“He took you to his truck to fuck.” It was so weird seeing Kris Kringle's lips say that word. Weird and exciting!“Yeah, okay. I fucked Mr. Right in the back of his big cab. We fucked, and fucked, and fucked a long time. He was a great lover. Nicely shaped cock, lots of stamina, great kisser. and his mouth… oh, shit, Kris, he made me cum so hard that I can almost feel his tongue in my pussy a year and a half later! He was so perfect that after sex was over, I still thought he was Mr. Right. That had never happened before. And when I asked him if he was Mr. Right, he said he was! Joy! I thought I'd found Mr. Right… for three magical days. He'd drive for a while, then we'd fuck, then drive some more, and I'd give him a blow job… basically we did it as many times a day as he could get it up. I was in heaven. Once he pulled his truck over, and we made love a beautiful stand of Christmas pines. It would have been the happiest moment of my life if not for the fact that he was a fraud.”“How did you find out he was lying?” I could tell that the story was exciting the sex addict in Kris, but he was trying hard to stay focused on me as a friend. I really appreciated that!“I was looking through his personal stuff, trying to find something to read when I came across a little photo album. It had pictures of him and his wife and kids.”“You must have been pissed.”“No, I didn't care about that. I've always known that Mr. Right is married. I don't know if he has kids, but I wouldn't be surprised if he did. He's been married a long time. No, that's not what upset me. It was the picture of him hunting. He was standing over the body of a dead reindeer… smiling like a son of a bitch!”Kris choked on his cocoa, and a look of fury crossed his previously jolly face. “The fuck you say!”“It totally horrified me! Mr. Right is not a hunter, much less a reindeer killer. This guy was a fraud! It nearly broke my heart, Kris. So I told him to stop the truck and let me out!”“He abandoned you in the middle of nowhere?”“No. He didn't let me out. He admitted lying to me and begged my forgiveness. He said I was the only girl, other than his wife, who'd shown interest in him sexually. His wife had some sort of medical condition that made it impossible for them to have sex, so when I came along it was like a dream come true. I don't know why I let him mollify me, but I did. He said he wanted to make it up to me by driving me the rest of the way to Alaska. But I absolutely refused to spend another moment in that truck with such a big fat liar.”“So… you got out?”“No. He told me he knew Mr. Right and that he'd take me to him.”“Oh, Virginia,” Kris said with disappointment, “You fell for that?”“I was obsessed. So yes, I fell for it. But it seemed like he was keeping his word at first. He drove me to a gas station where there was a mechanic who looked just like Mr. Right. The truck driver told me to stay in the cab, and he went in to talk to Mr. Right. After a while they came back, and the mechanic came up to meet me. He stank of gasoline, and his hands were smeared with oil, but I knew it was him. I knew it was Mr. Right, just as I'd known many times before.”“You fucked him.”“Of course I fucked him. I fucked a greasy, smelly, mechanic who reeked of cigarettes just because he looked jolly. But of course, after he'd shot his wad into me I realized he wasn't the real deal, and he went away. I was used to disappointment by then so when the trucker offered to take me somewhere else to look for the real Mr. Right… well, I couldn't refuse. I wanted him to. It sounds crazy to me now, but at the time it seemed almost like the ideal situation. The trucker drove me from place to place, and he was pretty good at finding Mr. Rights. We were still heading toward Alaska, but slowly. We must have hit every truck stop we passed in Montana and Canada. I'd wait in the back of the cab, and after a while, he'd bring back Mr. Right. Sometimes several of them. But he'd only introduce one of them to me at a time. Sometimes they weren't totally what I had in mind, but just to be on the safe side, I'd at least give them a blowjob or let them take pictures of me naked. But if they looked good enough I'd let them do anything they wanted. Even fuck me up the ass, which I was beginning to enjoy.” I blushed again.“You naughty girl,” he said, with a playful leer. But I could tell he was just trying to keep the conversation light. There was a deep look of concern and compassion on his face, which warmed my heart and gave me the courage to continue.“After maybe four months of this, I saw one of the San… I mean one of the Mr. Rights giving the trucker some money. After that Mr. Right was through with me, I started thinking about that money. I searched the cab of the truck while he was taking a shit. I found a pile of money, all different sizes of bill, Canadian, American… And it finally dawned on me… I was a whore. I was a truck stop whore.”Kris reached out and took my hands in his hands. His azure eyes were wet with compassion. “I'm so sorry, Virginia.”Tears started running down my face. It was astounding. I hadn't cried about any of this. Ever. I'd always focused on the good memories. The pleasure of sex, the joy of giving men happiness, the fun of the hunt… But looking into Kris Kringle's understanding eyes… I felt all the suppressed disappointment, frustration, and shame bubbling to the surface. Tears started coming out of Kris's eyes too, and we just sat there for the longest time, holding hands and staring at each other's eyes, tears running down our faces. Then we started laughing at the absurdity of it all. It was a perfect moment. We understood each other.It was six a.m., and the first morning rush began in the Diner.I said, “We never got around to talking about you.”“No, that's okay…”“Kris, you need to unburden yourself.” More people came through the jingling door. “But we need privacy. I think we should get a room at the motel.”There was an electric look in his eyes.“No Kris, not to fuck,” I said with a laugh. “I just can't take you back to my place because it's too small, and I have roommates, and I really don't think you should go home right now. I can tell you're in crisis mode. You need to take care of this thing so it doesn't destroy you. So it doesn't mess up your business. How is that deadline thing you mentioned going?”He shook his head, “A total disaster. If I could just get back to who I used to be, I could turn this whole thing around. But every time I step a foot into the factory…”“I take it you're not the only sex addict you know.”“I'm not sure if they're sex addicts exactly. But I'm the boss. I set the tone. My problem is their problem… I guess that sounds crazy.”“Kris, we need to keep talking. Come with me.” I gently led him to the door. We put on our coats and walked out into the freezing air. It was still dark and would be dark most of the day. The sun only rose a couple of hours a day that time of year. We crunched through the snow over to the Motel. I went in and rented a room. Kris was nervous. Perhaps he was nervous that we'd end up fucking… but I think he was just afraid to tell me his story.We walked silently to our second floor room. I felt a rising wave of anticipation. I had no intention of sleeping with him, but still, somewhere deep inside, the old me was screaming, “FUCK SANTA!!” The room was small, but warm. There were two beds. We didn't take off our coats, afraid that would imply intimacy. We sat on the beds, looking at each other across the gap.Two silent minutes passed. We were both waiting for the other to begin.I cleared my throat and said, “I know you're Santa Claus.”The expression on his face… you could have knocked him over with a candy cane. That was the last thing on earth he expected me to say.“You… what?”“It's okay Kris. I know.”He looked at me for several seconds, then said, “Did you just say, ‘I know you're Santa Claus?' You're joking, right?”“Oh, don't be coy, Kris. I knew you the moment I saw you.”“Look, Virginia. I'm just a fat guy with a white beard. Sure, I look like Santa Claus I guess. But… I'm not actually…” He started to chuckle, “Oh! You're pulling my leg!”But I just looked at him as seriously as I could and said, “You're Santa Claus. Kris Kringle. Saint Nicholas. Father Christmas. Pere Noel…”“This is getting weird,” he said, shifting uncomfortably. “Please tell me you're joking.”I looked at him with compassion, “I understand. You have a secret identity to protect. I get that. But the stakes are too high for pussy footing around. Christmas is in danger! You said it yourself: if we can't be honest, how can we face our mistakes?”He stood up and started sidling to the door. “I… uh, I don't know who you think I am… but this is just too weird.” He put his hand on the doorknob.“I fuck Santas,” I said. That stopped him. He looked at me with a crazy expression. “That Mr. Right I was talking about before, well that was just a euphemism. My Mr. Right is Santa Claus. I spent two years looking for Santa and fucking anyone who resembled him. And it was all because of that lousy lump of coal you left on my floor three years ago.”An angry look flashed in his eyes, “What are you… what is this? Oh, I get this, you've been chasing me because I look like Santa, is that it? What kind of freak are you?”I felt calm. More calm than any time in my life. I knew what I had to say. It would hurt, but I had to do it. I had to get through to him somehow.“Why did you leave me that lump of coal, Kris? I mean, I know you like my cookies, but that was pretty harsh. It sort of fucked up my life, you know? I lost my job. I lost my innocence. I left my family and friends behind to chase you across the continent, just so I could apologize for offending you. It wasn't all your fault, and I'm glad I finally found you… but still, I want to know. Why the lump of coal? Was I really that naughty?”He opened the door, his face contorting in rage, confusion, and shame. He walked stiffly out into the falling snowflakes. I followed slowly and calmly. I leaned on the railing as I watched him stumble down the icy stairs and storm across the parking lot below me. He slipped on a patch of ice and fell on his back with a bang. Then he just lay there, hands on his face, sobbing like a baby. I calmly walked down the stairs and carefully across the slick parking lot. I squatted next to him.“Come back inside.” I pulled his hand from his sobbing face, helped him to his feet and led him slowly back to the room. This time I sat next to him on the bed, my arm around his back.He sobbed for a while then began to blubber, “You threw the tree out the window!”“So, it wasn't the cookies after all!” I said in surprise.“No. I love your cookies. But I have this thing about Christmas trees. It really pissed me off, you know? I have issues, I guess. I was intending to give you a cooking set…”“Cooking set,” I said the same time he did, “Yeah, that's right. I asked for a cooking set with red enamel and little dancing elves on the side…”He sniffed, “Yes, just so. I felt so bad about the coal, I kept the cooking set all year, just so I could give it to you the following Christmas.”I smiled. “Really? You gave me a present?”“What…? Didn't you get it?”“I was burglarized, Kris. They took everything.”“Oh no…” he said with a horrified expression on his face, “I'm so sorry… I didn't know… Oh, you should have seen it! It was beautiful! The elves spent twenty whole minutes making it for you.”I gave him a squeeze, “That's okay. I guess I deserved to have it stolen. I was extra naughty that year. And I'm sorry about the tree. More than you even know. All my ornaments were on that tree. Some of them belonged to my grandma. She brought them all the way from Iceland.”“Anna? I remember her. She was very nice.”“I'm sorry about everything Kris. I shouldn't have listened to my sister.”“Stephanie, eh? She was always the naughty one in your house. But I gave her presents anyway because the rest of you were so good. What did Stephanie do?”“She said my parents were sneaking into my apartment leaving presents for me from you.”He laughed, “And you believed that?”“I'm sorry, Santa.” He put his arm over my shoulder and hugged me into his side.“I'm sorry too, Virginia.”I threw my arms around Kris Kringle and hopped on his lap. I hugged him so hard, if he'd been anyone other than Father Christmas, I'd have crushed his bones. But Kris hugged me back with his strong, ancient arms. I looked into his weeping blue eyes and tenderly kissed his eyelids, feeling his magical tears wet on my lips. Then I kissed his face, slowly, peck-by-peck, down his nose and rosy cheeks until our lips met. His silky beard softy tickled my face. We kissed slowly, almost shyly at first but the passion between us was building fast. I felt an erection growing in his pants. A very BIG one, in fact!I hopped off his lap and said, “We can't do this Kris. Not now. Not yet.”“Virginia,” he said, his deep voice thick with lust, “I want to make love to you so bad.”“I know, I know,” I said, giving him a kiss on his rosy cheek. “But not until we save Christmas.”That night Kris Kringle laid down on the other bed and told me everything. If you thought my story was crazy. Wait till you hear his!SCENE 4SANTA'S SLOW DESCENT INTO DEPRAVITYMy world has always been one of wonder and joy, music, snow, the laughter of children and good will to men. But all good things must come to an end, they say.My slow descent into depravity all began with the sex toys.They weren't my idea. They were Mary's. That's Mrs. Claus to you. I met my wife so long ago, I could hardly remember what made me fall in love with her in the first place, although it was probably her beauty. We were happy in those golden days of yore, but for the last fifty years or so, we'd been sort of going through the motions. We barely had anything to say to each other anymore. People change, I guess, even immortals.We weren't intimate anymore. Hell, we hadn't had sex since 1985. And that was only because we'd just gone to see 'Santa Claus, the Movie', and she was happy about how good she came off in the film. After drinking a bit too much hot toddy that evening, she started getting frisky. Well, that was fine with me. I'd always thought she was a beautiful woman. She doesn't look like they always depict her, you know. She hasn't aged a day since the moment I fell in love with her on that Bavarian mountainside in 1702. She still looked twenty-two, with red hair and a shapely figure, long legs, beautiful ass and large breasts. Absolutely 'smoking' hot', as they say these days. She was a tall girl, almost six foot three. In heels, she towered over me. A true Bavarian beauty! So when she started getting feisty after the movie, I looked forward to a good old-fashioned roll in the snow, but it was just as disappointing as ever. She quickly lost interest, and I couldn't maintain an erection. It was a dud all around. To tell you the truth, Mary had always been a bit of a cold fish. For the first hundred years or so she'd indulged my passions, but she'd never seemed all that interested in sex. Or at least not that interested in having sex with me. Why else would we have been childless after two centuries together, the only two humans at the North Pole? We stopped having sex entirely after that sad encounter.So when, just over a year ago, Mary came to me with the sex toy idea, well… I was just flat out flabbergasted.She called me into her plush office on the third floor. She was sitting at her computer, her red hair pulled up into the enormous bun she liked to wear. I so much preferred when she let her hair down, but it had been in a bun since the mid-seventies. She was looking particularly fetching that day in a tight red dress with white fur lining. It was low cut. She hadn't dressed that way for ages. My eyes twinkled at the almost forgotten sight of her cleavage. But I knew she'd dressed up for a reason. The last time she did this she'd talked me into building her this office, which was three times larger than my own. She was a very persuasive woman!“Kris, we need to expand. We're reaching the kids, yes, but as soon as some idiot tells them you don't exist, well, they stop writing.”“I know, Mary, but the world population is growing every year. I'm not sure it's a good idea to expand. I'm not sure it's even possible to find more believers.”“Kris, just hear me out.” She pushed a button on her computer, and a group of female elves scampered out of a tiny little door. They began to turn a series of cranks, lowering an enormous projection screen over the crystal windows that lined one wall of her office. Then a PowerPoint presentation came on. The first slide was a complicated flowchart. Mary flashed me her best smile and said, “As you can see from this chart here, the age of disbelief is getting younger and younger, outpacing the increasing population. Manufacturing facility four and five have gone unused for almost ten years! You don't want to even know how many elves have been living off the dole, waiting for work to pick up. It's not a good situation.”This wasn't news to me. “Well, what do you have in mind? We've tried everything to keep kids believing. Cartoon shows, video games, promotional toys at fast food joints… but it's just not working.”She flipped to another slide, “Not exactly true, Kris. This slide shows that there is a significant population of adult women who still believe in you. Almost twenty million, based on this list of believers.”“Yes I know. Women tend to have a greater capacity for magical thinking. But the majority of them don't write letters after they grow up. We only deliver presents to people who ask.”To be continued..By cb summers for Literotica

Sorry we left you in the lurch for a couple weeks there, Spookies! Thankfully, we're back in full force with a new installment of Werewolf vs. Vampire Seasonal Depression Event (WWVVSDE). Another early-aughts monster movie featuring Kate Beckinsale, Underworld (2003) is treading some familiar territory — but unlike Van Helsing, this flick did manage to launch its own franchise. In fact, there are a whole bunch of movies and even video games centered around the ~Eternal War~ through the eras, but we thought we'd start at the beginning. On our latest episode, we're exploring the all-blue aesthetic, experimenting with wig work, and fawning over Michael Sheen as we uncover all of the various Twilight parallels. References:https://swampflix.com/2019/10/28/the-true-battle-in-underworld-2003-wasnt-vampires-vs-werewolves-it-was-practical-effects-vs-cgi/https://www.awn.com/vfxworld/evolving-vfx-underworld

Josh Sebo (COO of OfferVault), Adam Young (CEO of Ringba), industry legend Harrison Gevirtz and special guest Butch Hildebrand (CEO of Everything Entertainment & Ikonique Models, Director of Digital Marketing at Excel Medical, Head of Business Development for 247 Payments & Brand Ambassador for LeadBit) discuss: - Everything Entertainment, what it does and how it works. - Estonia vs. USA (Content Creators) - Monetizing Followings - The United States Marine Corps - Mushrooms & Microdosing - Coaching & Consulting Experience - Cutting the Fat out of your Life Follow Us: OfferVault: WEBSITE: https://www.offervault.com/ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/offervault INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/offervaultmarketing/ TWITTER: https://www.twitter.com/offervault LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/company/offer-vault/ Adam Young: RINGBA: https://www.ringba.com RINGBA's INNER CIRCLE: https://try.ringba.com/inner-circle/ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/ringba INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/adamyoung/ TWITTER: https://www.twitter.com/arbitrage LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/capitalist Harrison Gevirtz: INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/affiliate/ LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/harrisongevirtz/ Butch Hildebrand: BVTCH: https://bvtch.com/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/bhilde_branded/ LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/butchhildebrand/ EXCEL MEDICAL: https://maleexcel.com/ 247 PAYMENTS: https://247payments.com/ LEADBIT: https://www.leadbit.com/

Women making bad decisions. Cáel to the rescue? What? In 25 parts, edited from the works of FinalStand. Listen and subscribe to the ► Podcast at Connected.. “There is nothing wrong being a Lucky Bastard. It is wrong to rely on it.” They were all psychopaths and murderers after all, so death was becoming a vocational hazard. Me refraining from having as many sexual liaisons as possible wasn't realistic. I wasn't going to be willingly castrated and that was the only way out. The one benefit I could see was me working in a target-rich environment. "Now that I have had my turn stymieing Cáel's chaotic yet well-meaning attempts to educate us in the dangers and rewards of free-ranging masculinity," Tessa regarded the assembly, "I am getting out with my victory intact. Good luck, Sisters. You'll need it." Tessa exited, order was restored and; oh yeah, Elsa had brought me here for a sadistic love-fest, sans the sex. "I don't know what to make of you," Elsa smiled warmly, "I don't understand you and I find you to be very interesting." Let me make this clear; all three of those statements can be very bad, or very good. 'I don't know what to make of you' means I want to make it with you. 'I don't understand you' is 30% bad and 70% good. When bad, it is a prelude to a break-up. What she means is 'you aren't trying to understand me', thus the end of the relationship. On the beneficial side it means 'I've totally bought into your seduction and I'm ready to screw'. Ah, 'interesting'. Two types of women find a man 'interesting'; women who have to have you, and stalkers. Somewhat redundant. The main difference is how they respond to the Restraining Order and how much fun the erotic side of the relationship will be. The first kind of woman has a public screaming fit if you take out a RO on her. Let them build up to an incinerating level, then fuck them; it's so worth it. Stalkers ignore ROs. That's okay. Now you can legally trap them. They'll do whatever you want. Not because they are afraid of you. It is an RO for God's sake; one night in jail, maybe. No, they'll do whatever sex act you request because that's why they are stalking you in the first place; the sensual/emotional connection. When she starts making bizarre requests of you, subtly direct her to another 'more interesting' guy. Try not to use a friend. That's kind of cold. For the next few weeks, make sure the latest victim doesn't end up as a Missing Person. After that, you've done your civic duty so you can move on guilt-free. "Elsa, I need ten minutes to stretch first," I requested. She nodded. Off came the shirt. I retreated to a gymnastics mat and began stretching out my kinks. Five minutes in, I did one of my favorite maneuvers; the backwards human bridge completed when your wrists touch the Achilles tendons. Not only does this extended your abdominal muscles, it exhibits your hard-on and suggest all kinds of pages from the Kama Sutra are, in fact, possible. My performance highlighted my musculature, flexibility and numerous scars. My left thigh still had a light bandage wrapped around it. Whatever the Amazon medics were using was working gangbusters on me. Elsa had retreated to her end of the mat so I glided to my axes then promptly got off the mat. I didn't trust any Amazon, not even Aya and I'd let my heart be cut out if it would save her life. I got the feel for these axes, spun them around a few times then made to get back on the mat. "Put the loops around your wrist," Elsa directed. "Why?" I retorted. We were back to 'why are we letting a male question our orders.' "You are not allowed to throw them," Elsa allowed. I nodded. I didn't loop them. No, I walked onto the mat, weapons held axe-head down. I walked in five steps, knelt and placed the axes on the mat by my side. "Cáel, defend yourself," Elsa stated firmly. "Which is it? Do I defend myself and I act in a manner allowed by axe-work, or do I accede to your demands and be automatically defeated?" I responded. "Do you believe my spear technique is that superior to your own, made-up style?" Elsa smirked. "I think you are cheating. Worse, I think you are being a bully. If you want this to be the 'Elsa is a Bad-Ass' show, congratulations, you've won. I'm not going to fight you. I kneel before you, weapons on the mat, acknowledging that your cheating ways have defeated me," I mocked. "Savor this magnificent victory." "Your opinion of my martial prowess is not what is at question here today," Elsa spoke. I stood up, turned away and walked off the map, interrupting the rest of her speech. She was coming for me this time. I opened my towel, took out my phone and began texting away. "What are you doing?" Ngozi rumbled. *Buffy; job complete. Need to shower before next mission in queue* I hadn't hit 'send' yet. "Please correct me if I'm wrong. This was supposed to be a weapon's exhibition. That implies a study of your opponents training and capabilities. Elsa's prowess, along with my own, are the question here to today," I insisted. "Otherwise it is a waste of time for every non-sadist here." "Is it absolutely crucial that you throw an axe at Elsa?" Traska questioned. "No. It is absolutely crucial that Elsa fight under the handicap that I might throw an axe," I instructed her. "It changes the range dynamic. If I can hit her from; oh, five meters out, she has to keep close. If she has to keep close, my axes can engage her hand-to-hand." "Since Elsa chose a long spear, throwing it is clumsy, thus reducing her options," I stated. "Any range over six meters and she can probably dodge, or deflect, my throw. So we are both range limited, as it should be for a good exhibition." "I bow you reasoning," Elsa gave me a respectful nod of the head. Fucker; she liked me more, not less, despite my verbal reticence. We went to our corners. I charged first. Oh God; Elsa was super-great at spear. Less anyone forget, the spear has not only a sharp point; it also has a 20 cm bladed surface on each side plus a sold, oak shaft for blocking, poking and smacking. Elsa swung the spear around her body in lightning quick arcs. She could fight long shaft, or short shaft, as the range dictated. Long shaft was like fighting a dagger on a stick; cut and thrust. Short shaft was mainly thrusting, but was good for holding me back if I got inside her 'long' guard. Elsa's advantages were life-long experience, tons of natural talent, and being quicker than me. Our staminas were evenly matched. The drain of Elsa's fluid style equaled my two-weapon use. I had her in bulk and brawn. Elsa and I were at the top of the spectrum for our respective genders; physically and mentally better off than the majority. This meant I had her on brute strength and reach. That was genetics talking. My only other advantage was the uniqueness of my style. Elsa hadn't faced it before, though I'm sure she'd watched Constanza and Crewe's fight with me on video. Elsa figured out quickly that a left-handed battle axe made a poor shield. It covered far less area and took more energy and concentration for the assaulted to defend themselves. As soon as she put that bit of knowledge into her arsenal of tricks, I showed her another one. An axe is an axe, and when she slapped that spear against my guard one too many times, my right-handed axe chopped into the shaft, severing the spear blade from the rest of the spear. This was the point where an Amazon would have pressed the attack. I was deciding to take as little of a beating as possible. I fell back, knelt and put my axes down. There was a hush. "Elsa, do you wish to retrieve another spear?" I inquired. This was an exhibition after all. Actually, this was Elsa proving she was better than me, but she a script to stick to. "To your starting place," Elsa commanded. "Get some water." I picked up my axes and withdrew; backwards. Oneida had crept around to my side. "I know what you did this morning," Oneida gave me some water to drink. "It was very clever of you to send me away for my safety. It makes me adore you even more." I reached out with one finger and poked her nose. "You're silly," I sighed. "No," she giggled like a school girl. I was going to Hell for this one. "You are an 'Ash Man' reborn. I read about it." I had no clue that was and Elsa was waiting. The rest was pre-ordained. I got a few light cuts while not leaving a mark on Elsa. I scored major points by disposing of Elsa's second spear though I lost both axes in the endeavor. She swept my feet out from under me, I rolled away from her follow up kick and quickly went to my knees, palms flat on the mat and head lowered. Only the mentally handicapped would have thought I'd won any part of the martial contest. I'd drawn the first time. My ability to defeat Elsa with the equivalent of a staff was undecided. I had been disarmed and disarmed Elsa the second time; technically a draw, but it wasn't. Why? Because Elsa had been trying NOT to kill me, or even injury me (too much). I had been doing the same. If by some calamity I'd killed Elsa, I would have been lucky to fall on my own axes before the crowd butchered me. No, mine had been an amateur effort. I had missed Elsa mostly because I never got close. Elsa had to hold back from slicing me up and running me through. Elsa walked right up to me; I mean Right up to me. She tapped my head, indicating I should look up. There was her cunt maybe 2 inches away with only her skintight shorts between us. "As this demonstrates, we need to continue to work and update our styles," Elsa addressed the throngs. "Cáel put forth his usual exceptional effort; for the gifted amateur that he is." "Thank you for your attention today, my sisters," Elsa concluded. End of lesson. Traska picked up her medical kit and came my way. Oneida and a half dozen other Amazons closed in as well. Elsa didn't move a millimeter. Her fragrance wafted in my face. When Traska tried to shift me around so she could better access my wounds, Elsa stopped me with her hand on my head. Traska found it odd for a second then they all clued in. Elsa was making a statement. This wasn't Amazonian mannerisms coming to the fore. This was throwing down a gauntlet; Elsa's intention to win this competition; me. Amazons were inherently competitive, being tested and testing themselves against previous achievements and each other. Before Buffy opened her big mouth an hour ago, any contest for me had been a joke; the whole 'hunt me down in X-number of days'. Buffy had beaten Elsa to me. You don't get to be a 3000 year old secret society by letting one setback force you to admit defeat. No; Elsa was stepping up her game. The amazing transformation that had confused the women around us was that, according to Elsa, my opinion suddenly mattered. Buffy had made a point of me finding a way to be with her. My choice. Better yet, I'd made my choice to be with her while my life was on the line. Once again, 'I laugh at death' is an incredible turn on. Elsa hadn't changed her stance about men being armed. She was letting me train so she could summon me whenever she wanted me; unless Katrina put her foot down. Katrina wasn't going to do that often. Elsa was a useful subordinate and Katrina finally had her test dummy; me; on the firing range, which she had wanted all along. Katrina is scary-smart. You don't think so? Who kept throwing me and Buffy together knowing of the Buffy/Elsa rivalry? Who approved my sex weekend with Buffy? Who approved my firearms training once she had Elsa's endorsement? As you might recall, that was something Elsa swore she'd never do, yet here we were; a male being trained with firearms at Havenstone. Katrina didn't know when I'd figure out a way to sleep with Buffy, but she had faith in me that once I got to know Buffy, I'd figure something out. I'm far easier to read than the US Tax Code, or the Affordable Care Act. I liked sex with women, I liked being seen as a good guy, I liked trying to be a good guy; roughly in that order. Katrina knew that. I didn't particularly mind being used by her either. That was her job; to protect the security and integrity of Havenstone. Now Buffy was happy, Elsa was letting me train and by dint of my outrageous behavior, I was assisting Katrina in her plot to restore stability to the traditional Amazon bloodlines. Traska slathered this synthetic goo over my lacerations. It stung, but it aided in the healing process and was flexible enough to barely restrict movement. I winced and 'stumbled' forward face-first into Elsa's crotch. My nose ridge pressed deep into her camel toe, certainly pushing down on her clit. "I apologize," I said softly. I didn't move. Elsa didn't see fit to move me, even with her hand still in the hair on the top of my head. "Finished," Traska sighed. "Let me help you up," Oneida jumped to my aid. She helped me stand, but Elsa didn't seem to mind. Getting out of the gym alive was easy. My heartfelt pledge to myself to never return was futile. Sweaty chicks hang out at gyms. As a kid, I played D and D. If I was a Ranger, gyms would be my favored terrain. Okay, maybe bars then gyms. Fine, rock concerts, bars then gyms. I almost made it to the locker room. Coming from the other direction; the non-blooded gym; was Felix. "Hey Felix," I greeted him. Here I was with several fresh wounds and ten steamy ladies who all appeared to have a definite interest in my physique, if not my well-being. Felix was alone. That would not do, not for a man like Felix. "What happened to you?" he asked. "Figure-skating accident," I lied. "It seems I'm clumsy on ice." He didn't buy if for a second. "Oh; maybe Brooke can help patch you up tonight," he grinned. Asshole. The only flaw in his game plan was that the chicks around me didn't give a rat's ass about outsider women. They certainly weren't going to be jealous of them. "Good idea," I nodded. "Where are my manners? This is Oneida, Elsa, Traska and; well, I can't say I've been able to catch everyone's names yet." The unknown women didn't bother introducing themselves. Why? Felix was only a male. They had no immediate need of him, so they didn't bother being civil. Felix was an Alpha's Alpha. He didn't give up that easily. We made it to the showers. Buffy, having not worked out, waited by my locker. Mystically, Elsa appeared in the showers at the exact same time as me. Felix was right behind her. "Felix Melena," he offered his hand to Elsa. She shook it then went back to showering. "I'm better than Cáel." Elsa gave him a quick sneer. "What gives you that idea?" she murmured. "Why don't you let me prove it," he turned to face her, giving Elsa the complete Felix Melena aesthetic. He was a centimeter, or two taller, I was maybe three kilograms heavier and we both lavished attention on our bodies. He was perhaps a bit longer, but narrower down there. As long as it wasn't aimed at my mouth, or ass, I didn't care. By the lack of reaction in Elsa's body tempo, she didn't care either. "If you were a team bodyguard and an assassin appeared to be trying to kill myself and Hayden, who would you protect with your life?" Elsa posed. "I'd kill the assassin," Felix came back immediately. Felix was a winner. "Cáel?" Elsa said. "Hayden," I responded. "I'm a bodyguard. From the top down; protect, secure, return fire." "Cáel, you are trained as a bodyguard?" Felix smirked. "Nah. That was the common sense answer to the question she asked," I shrugged. Shampoo time. Felix was going to make me pay for that comeback. "Felix, would you ever work at Havenstone; off the clock?" Elsa continued. "Yeah," he grinned. I know what he wanted to work on; off the clock. Good luck, you bastard. "Cáel?" "I'm never off the clock, damn it," I snorted. "This job is a 24/7 crimp in my sex life." "Bro," Felix coughed. "Be careful. That's close to sexual harassment." Btw, Felix was serious. He was actually cautioning me. See, me being deported meant he couldn't crush me. "Elsa, would you please shoot me in the head?" I replied. "No," she smiled warmly at me. "I love you too," I said, dripping with sarcasm. Felix's eyes bugged out for a second. "That, Felix Melena, is why Cáel is a better man than you," Elsa looked like an angel sitting in judgment of Felix, finding him flawed and substandard. "Cáel joking around makes him better than me?" Felix mocked. The mistake here had to be Elsa's. "Your lack of understanding is not my problem," Elsa dismissed him. "Cáel, wash my back." "Fine, I'll do it, but I'm massaging your ass too," I groused. "Get it over with," she sighed with exasperation. "Damn. Felix; day in, day out. Always washing naked women. This job is killing me," I muttered. Felix wasn't one to give up easily. By the time I had totally soaped up her back, ass and upper thighs; back and front, he had exited the field. He caught me exiting the locker room. "Cáel, why don't we go out for some drinks after work?" he offered. Ah, he was going to beat me up with Brooke. "Sure," I agreed. I'm a dog. Felix was going to sleep with Brooke to show me he was the superior male. He was going to rub it in my face. I hadn't told anyone about knocking boots with Brooke. It wasn't their business. Felix would crow it to the Heavens, because pissing me off was what mattered, not how Brooke felt. I couldn't even save Brooke because Felix was in her socio-economic group and she'd make the same mistake with him she'd made with Trent; thinking they cared about her.  (Monday later) Buffy had finally dismissed me when Katrina summoned me to her office. Ignoring me getting into an altercation; in the Full-Blood gym; yet again, I had a good day. No property damage, lost items, or physically damaged employees. Ragged by most people's standards, but a good day for me at Havenstone. I still had a chance to walk out under my own power. Katrina motioned me to come to her desk. Upon my arrival, she slid a tablet over to me with a single icon on the screen. I tapped it. Aya's face appeared as the vid-mail began. She was glowing. There was tent fabric in the background so I had no idea of her geographic location. I didn't care. "Hey!" she squeaked. "I'm doing great at camp. I met three girls who are as small as me and we've formed our own squad; the Fatal Squirts." I chuckled. I had encouraged her to steal strength from her perceived weaknesses. She had to believe in herself then take that as she built up her skills. I had faith in her when no one else did. "I showed some of my councilors a picture of you. I think you would get into trouble if you came here. I want you to come, but I thought it was only fair to warn my favorite bed-buddy," she giggled. "Send me a message when you can. I understand there will be a delay as the messages have to be physically delivered. I know you are doing okay. If not, hold off your vengeance until I can return and guard your back. I love you, Cáel. Be well," she smiled as her picture faded into darkness. "Ah damn," I whispered. Aya looked good; confident, upbeat and spirited. "Katrina, can I make a message for her right now?" I begged. "Of course," she gave me an approving tilt of the head. "I think the courier is still in the building." "Cool. What do I do?" I urged. "Use the webcam; make a message and forward it to my computer," Katrina told me. "I'll take it from there." I made the message, pretty much updating her on my latest exploits with limited editing. Aya was a surprisingly innocent yet worldly 9 year old. Much of that came from being Katrina's and Desiree's niece; mainly Katrina's. It gave her access to tidbits of sensitive data from time to time. Not so much she was a real security threat. Enough so that she got some things confused; like what sex was truly about. I felt in my soul she'd be a great Amazon one day. I didn't remind her of that much. She had enough pressure for a kid her age. "You are seeing Oneida now?" a frosty voice unnerved me. It was Buffy. "Fuck," I jumped up. "Damn Buffy, stop sneaking up on me like that, or I'm going to start thinking you are a stalker." "I am stalking you, Einstein," Buffy menaced. "I'm glad we got that out of the way," I rolled my eyes. "Oh look! It's Daphne coming to my rescue. I am so out of here," I exulted. I edged passed Buffy, slipped her attempt to grab my arm and raced for the 'new hires' at the elevator. "Get back here, you Cock-sucker!" Buffy howled as she chased me down. May miracles never cease. Daphne, Violet and Tigger formed an Amazon (I wasn't sure if I could consider them 'human' yet) shield between my frail form and the hulking brute that was Buffy. "Calm down, Buffy," Daphne pleaded. "He fought Elsa today; again." "Get out of my way," Buffy snarled. "Thank God you stopped her," I huffed to Dora. "I hope to she never finds out that I soaped up Elsa's entire body while we were sharing a shower together." Daphne turned and gave me an incredulous look. "Cáel, you are a Dumb-ass," Daphne sighed. Looking to Buffy as she stood aside. "Have at." "Are you mental?" Fabiola chimed in. The elevator doors finally opened, Buffy shoved me in and the rest of the posse followed. Helena joined us at the last second. "He's taunting me," Buffy responded to Fabiola while using her middle finger to poke my chest. "At this rate I am going to have to devastate a dozen male escorts so I can make it the remaining the 69 more days until he's mine again." "Is he really that good?" Paula wondered. Buffy twisted around to confront her. "He hammered me so hard, I thought he'd dislocate my hips. Later, we spent an entire hour, naked, wrapped up in each other's bodies with no actual penetration; touching, tasting and whispered affections," Buffy curled her lip. "He's better than you could possibly imagine." "You realize we have 27 seconds left, right?" I reminded Buffy. "Really?" Buffy's head snapped back to me. I nodded and she jumped my bones. She had her hand down my pants, pulling on my rod, and the other grabbing the back of my head to deepen our kiss. For my part, I had my left hand on her breast and the right down the back of her pants, fondling a panty-covered ass cheek. In a culture where you summoned a male, ordered him to perform and he did so the same exact way he'd done a dozen times before, what Buffy and I were doing didn't make sense. The two of us didn't give up an ounce of control yet meshed perfectly. Our pleasure was obvious, vocal and we didn't give a damn about the crowd around us. Buffy and I had created our own little lust-bubble. The chimer went off. We settled down and straightened up our clothes. "Fuck it all; that's some good dicking," Buffy mumbled. That was an inside joke between me, Timothy, my big, gay, buff tattoo-artist roommate, and the few women he chose to share that descriptive with; 'a good dicking'. We tumbled out of the elevator. "Is he always like that?" Fabiola mumbled. "He's a whole lot better with his clothes off," Buffy sneered at Fabiola. Sometimes I'm a super-selfish bastard; I want life to cut me some slack. Waiting for us was Oneida; in biker clothing. That would have merely been bad, dangerous and creepy except I was dressed in work clothes. I was planning to meet some of the guys (all two of them) for some after-work drinks. The encounter went from not-good to horribly awkward. Oneida had checked up on me, been told how I got to and from work as well as when I left. Unfortunately, she hadn't checked my social calendar; mainly because I didn't keep one; sophomore year mistake. If a girl is in your apartment, she will find the thing you don't want her to find; every single time. I burned my diary and unfriended everybody after that final, hospital-resulting episode. "Hi," I greeted Oneida. She'd figured out she'd screwed up something fierce. "What bike do you use? I have a Specialized STSE hybrid. Maybe we can use some paths one weekend." I was trying to diffuse her embarrassment. We were two bikers talking about bikes. Nothing wrong with that. "I have a Specialized Source;” she got out then realized how BAD that sounded. She had the exact same bike as me; how bizarre? Unless you had somebody come down and take a look at what I bicycle I used. Time to save the day. "Do you want to make a date for 6:30 am on Saturday?" I suggested. "Provided this wacky place hasn't offed, or misplaced me by then." "Ah; that would be nice," Oneida rebounded happily. "The date, that is." "Whoa Oneida, what are you doing with this guy?" Brian derided me as he walked up. I wanted to say, 'Brian, you've insulted a princess of the Amazon people. Please continue making an ass of yourself and give Trent and Khalid my regards'. I didn't. "This is Cáel Nyilas. He's a real player," Brian smirked. "You can do better than him." Oh yeah, Oneida and Brian were co-workers; 'new hires' in Acquisitions. "Brian, it took you three days to even use my name," Oneida gave Brian a neutral stare. "I love Cáel. He saved my life and he sees the real me." For the love of all that's holy, someone shoot me in the head right now. I could hear the nearly subsonic growls emanating from Buffy. Brian looked at me, laughed and went to put an arm around Oneida's shoulder. After all, if I could pick her up, it should be effortless for him to take her away, right? Dumb-shit. Laughing at me was okay. Laughing at; then I noticed the two chicks in black leather standing about doing their best (until a second ago) to go unnoticed. Cáel had gotten away with such familiarity because Cáel had risked his life to save their Princess. Brian Fung? He barely knew her name and they worked together. These weren't even SD chicks; they were something else. My guess was Arinniti House Guard. Did Katrina's House Epona have a house guard? Sure, I imagine they did. They were probably with the rest of House Epona where ever they lived. It wasn't like the whole kit and caboodle was here in NYC. That would have been foolish. If Caitlyn, Aya's mom, had a security issue, she called us at Havenstone HQ, less than four kilometers away. Without a doubt, Elsa would stop by and kick ass for her. I gave Brian this much; he had a working set of eyes. The second those two harbingers of death began closing in, Brian back-pedaled. "Hey Brian, let's go grab some drinks," I offered him a graceful exit. "Sounds good," Brian tried to sound cool. "Oneida, take care," I nodded to my new romantic stalker. "Ladies," to my 'new hire' crew. "Buffy," to my sometimes boss, "remember you are still hot for a; mature chick." "You are going die a long, torturous and extremely painful death," Buffy sizzled. "What? Are you going to make me eat your cooking?" I laughed. Buffy didn't articulate a counter before Brian and I slipped outside. "Cáel, who was that woman?" Brian whispered. "Which one? You need to be more specific. My erotic malfeasances are terribly confusing." "The one you insulted," Brian said. "The last one you insulted," he clarified. "Buffy. She's one of my bosses," I grinned. "She loves me. She's even promised to play the bagpipes at my funeral. Personally I think that's because she doesn't want to risk anyone hearing me pounding on the coffin lid, trying to get out." "You are not going to make it the full 84 days with that attitude," Brian lectured me. "Trent has already been promoted," Brian continued. "I am regularly referred to as indispensable in my work reviews. Felix works closely with Ms. Pharos at all times. You seem to be the only one of us having; issues with Havenstone. Hell, they even shot you and you sat back and took it. I doubt your complacent attitude impressed anyone much." No mention of poor Khalid. How quickly they forget. Trent had been 'promoted' to Southeast Asia alright. I looked it up; there are around 10,000 islands between Indonesia and the Philippines. Sure some were small spits of land with a few trees. I had little doubt one of the good-sized one was a jungle of a different sort. Certainly Executive Services sent Trent's belongings somewhere. I'd never tried to find out. What would I have done with the knowledge? Brooke didn't care and I didn't know his family. Brian and I went to the same yuppie bar as last time. I was with Brian this time, so I abandoned him as quick as I could. Why? At the far end of the bar, talking the bar-back was my Delivery Girl; aka the person who did the home liquor delivery to Libra's place. Half way down the bar, she sensed me looking at her. The bar-back followed her gaze. He wasn't happy with me. DG simply didn't recognize me so I held up my valise over my groin. Confusion; surprise; acknowledgment that despite our surroundings, I wasn't worried about being seen with her. She had her hand truck; she had to make a front door delivery this time. "Remember me?" I smiled. "Cáel Nyilas; the Pillow Guy," she snickered. "How did that work out for you?" The bar-back was broadcasting his displeasure at some upper class shmuck cutting in on his action. DG caught that. "Jason, this is Cáel," she introduced me. "We last met under unusual circumstances." "What kind of name is Cáel?" Jason remarked. "An unfortunate one," I snorted. "You try explaining to your kindergarten teacher that it is 'c-a-e-l'. Of course, I wasn't 'Bomophoto' either. She had it worse than I did." Jason searched me out to see if I was pulling one over on him. I wasn't. Bomo and I bonded over our linguistic misfortune. She moved to Santa Fe in the third grade. I wonder if she grew up to be hot looking. Oink. "I'll give you that," he chuckled. "Why did you get branded?" "Mom was Irish, my Dad was in love with her so I got the cultural emersion, minus the Guinness," I shrugged. "By the way;” I looked back to the lady. "Katy Lee Baker," she batted her eyelashes. We shook hands. "How did it go?" I picked up her question. "Sex, chopped fruit, your drinks, more sex and back to the clinic before eleven." "Have you talked to them since?" Katy inquired somewhat seductively. "Perhaps. I don't like to kiss and tell," I evaded. "I'm curious because two of the three arrived five minutes before you did and they appear somewhat unhappy with you right now," she smirked. "You can look over your shoulder if you don't believe me." Sure enough, there was Felix, Brian, Brooke, Libra and; I think her name was Gina. I waved then turned back to my current two conversationalists. "So Jason, what do you like to do?" I asked the guy. "Huh; what? I work," he replied. "I mean bike, try ethnic food, go to the gym; stuff like that," I teased him. "I work six days a week; but usually one or two are afternoon shifts. Me and some buddies play some pick-up basketball," Jason told me. "Great. You'd pick a sport I suck at," I set the bait. If Jason thought I sucked, he'd invite me to play. That's how it worked. I was pretty good at basketball considering I'd spent the last four years playing with girls; on the court. Girls play some mean ball. They also didn't shy away from putting an elbow into my nuts if they felt like it. "I'm not sure I live in a neighborhood you'd be comfortable visiting," Jason threw up a roadblock. I had him on this one. I showed him my ID. It had the right address; wrong apartment number. "Shit dude, that place is about as rough as my home turf." "I get paid a quarter million a year to taste test for hexafluoride in Chinese imports," I joked. "Really?" Katy chuckled. "It's a growth industry; if you consider tumors to be growth," I was faux-serious. "Mr.; Cáel," Jason looked over my shoulder. "I think one of those chicks is about to come over here and kill you. You best hop to it." "Which one? The brunette, or the russet-colored (Libra)?" I inquired. "The brunette wants attention and the russet wants to push a red hot poker up your ass," Jason gave me his experienced opinion. Heading over there was going to be 'fun'. "Give me a call some time, Jason. Nice to see you again, Katy Lee," I waved good-bye. "You know the staff here?" Libra spat. "That was the girl who delivered the liquor to your place, Libra," I sighed. "I said 'hi'." "It takes you an awful lot of words to say 'hello'," Brian gave a false smile. Libra was positioned next to Brian. Her anger with me plus his 'sexy' put her there. Brooke shifted as I joined their chair-less center table. She was putting enough distance between us to show everyone she was independent yet close enough to give warning signs to other woman that I was in her sights, if not her outright possession. I was better looking than Brooke had counted on. More 'fun' was coming down the pipeline. Gina was here on another date with Felix, or so she thought. Poor Gina. Felix was most likely an excellent fuck. What she didn't appreciate was that Felix was not only a competitor, he was the kind of athlete who had to win. Second place was what you called the first loser. Gina was about to be educated in this personal idiocentricity. Now that I was on stage, Felix made his move on Brooke. Gina? He'd let her in on a three-way if he was feeling personally Hernán Cortés-like. Felix had to have Brooke. I hadn't dumped Brooke, according to Gina, so he wasn't getting my castoffs; he was stealing my prize. The flaw in this plan was my whole viewpoint on monogamy. I didn't much care for it. Brooke was a grown woman and could make her own choices. Felix made his move. Damn, he was smooth. He had Brooke wrapped up and pulled tight without Gina even being aware she'd been dumped. Enter the train wreck named Nicole. She was the criminal defense attorney who I'd fucked in a stall in the women's bathroom of this place. She hadn't tried to contact me and I hadn't worried about her. Hook-ups were like that. She'd been close by, respecting Brooke's signs and not stopping by to say hello. Then Felix launched his master plan and I was suddenly freed up. Nicole had gotten a rough fucking and liked it, I could tell. "Cáel Nyilas," Nicole swooped in. "How have you been?" "The normal. Menace to society, disrespectful of authority and being annoying to random strangers," I teased. "You?" "I'm a lawyer fighting the irresistible lure of evil. The usual," she joked back. "What have you been doing wrong? As I recall, last time you were doing everything right?" Yes, a good dicking indeed. I was going to relate this encounter to Timothy just so he could shoot me with his Nerf gun. He'd shoot me anyway, but it was nice of me to give him an excuse from time to time. "I've been sending sexually suggestive letters to ADA Feinstein," I offered. "Does that count?" "Oh really?" she seemed surprised. "Why don't you come by my table real quick and let me introduce you to some of my colleagues." I wasn't going to be rude. "Gang, this is Nicole," I introduced her to my table. "She's an attorney at a prestigious law firm that probably has more dead partners than living ones and offices in Papua New Guinea and a few dozen other places you've never heard of. I'll be right back." "You are a nut," Nicole bumped me as we weaved our way to her buddies. "Ladies, this is Cáel Nyilas. I think I mentioned him once." By the looks on their faces, once had been enough. "This is Zelda, Marsha, Phyllis, and Rivka; Rivka Feinstein, ADA for New York County," (that's Manhattan for us hicks). "Ah crap," I exclaimed. That wasn't what they expected. "I confess," I looked at Nicole, "I saw the name in an article on the back of the Village Voice. Sadly, they had R. Feinstein and I stupidly assumed it was a guy." "Oh my God! You're gay?" Zelda and Phyllis despaired. "While my life would a whole lot easier if I was, I'm straight; not even bi-curious. My roommate, Timothy; never Tim; is and he was reading it while I was working out. It sort of stuck in my mind," I admitted. "How did my name come up in conversation?" Rivka inquired. "Cáel is a pathological liar," Nicole teased me. "Not true," I protested. "I'm allergic to excessive honesty. That's totally different." "I'd like to put you on the witness stand," Zelda gave me those bedroom eyes. "You and about a 150 other women," I groaned. "150?" Rivka choked. "Yep. The rest already know I'm guilty," I muttered. "Are you of weak moral fiber?" Phyllis joined the game. We were all having a blast. "Sorry, but no. I'm saving up for some. Currently I'm without morals; or scruples. Any suggestion which one I should purchase first?" "You are a great guy," Rivka snickered. "Why aren't you dating somebody?" "Shall we revisit my lack of morals and scruples?" I answered. "So you are a player?" Nicole nudged me. She wanted to play alright. "How to put this; I'm a wonderful lover and a lousy boyfriend," I told them. "I was an eighteen year old virgin. In the past four years, I have betrayed every woman I've ever dated, save one; my first love," I explained. "Why didn't you betray her?" Phyllis prodded. "Don't tell me she's dead." "No, she's fine," I replied. "She was the one who told me to date other women." "That's harsh," Zelda commiserated. She thought Kimberly had dumped me. "Oh no," I corrected her. "We stayed together until I graduated last month. Four of the best years of my life. When she told me to date other women it was because I was killing her. I have a voracious sexual appetite and she was desperate for a full night's sleep." "Do you ever go home alone?" Marsha joined in. "Does leaving a woman's house at 1 a.m. count?" I requested. "Did she throw you out?" Rivka interrogated. "No. She and her sister were exhausted so I picked up my roommate and left," I exaggerated. "Wait!" Nicole held up her hand. "Sisters; and you told us your roommate was gay?" "Morals and scruples," I repeated. "See, I was dating one sister and the other sister wanted a date so I talked my gay roommate into being my wingman so I wouldn't end up sleeping with them both. It didn't work out so well. The second, older sister was horny, so my guy pretended to pass out." "Have you ever considered you are a horrible person?" Marsha studied me. "Yes. Not only have I thought about, I've been told that a few dozen times. It usually is accompanied by 'I'm going to kill you', or 'you had better make it up to me'." "Have you ever been hurt?" Phyllis appeared concerned. "My body is a roadmap of poor decision making," I responded. "What was the worst thing to ever happen to you?" Rivka grinned. Her ability to be deceptively pretty had to have made her a frightening lawyer. "When they were happening, I was a bit more concerned with what might happen to me as opposed to rating them," I informed her. "Except for being shot with an arrow, being chased around naked with a hot poker and having my bed dowsed with lighter fluid while I was still in it were probably the worst," I nodded. "I've been stabbed a few times, tasered, occasionally thrown out of a window not on the first floor and had bookcase dropped on me once, so I consider myself a connoisseur of ex-girlfriend vengeance." "Have you ever been involved with a police proceeding?" Rivka became a tad bit more intense. "Nah," shook my head. "I had it coming. As you said, I'm kind of a horrible guy." "Domestic violence is no joking matter," Nicole also became serious. "That's unfair," I countered. "I'm not so slavishly devoted to the law that I'd ruin some girl's life because I was a total bastard." "Domestic Violence laws are supposed to protect the innocent from the abusive," I added. "I haven't lied to you about my misadventures, but you should understand I chose to handle most of my problems myself. By the looks on your faces, you are about as disappointed in me as the policewoman I am currently seeing. This is who I am and I'm not going to apologize for it." "Mind you, I'm not some gun-toting, roughneck Libertarian," I clarified. "I believe in law, order and the justice system. If someone pulls out an AK-47 on me at a corner bodega, I'm making 9-1-1 my bitch on speed-dial. I don't want to be a hero, or fulfill my organ donor card. I just don't equate that to a girl kneeing me in the nuts because I slept with her best friend in her lingerie." There was a pause as the ladies looked around. They were making an assessment of how much trouble I'd cause versus how much fun I would be. They all smiled at me. They always do. "Who was wearing the lingerie?" Zelda smirked. "I've worn women's lingerie before, but it really wasn't my thing," I mused. "I'll go through a lot for good sex," I winked. "It was my girlfriend's lingerie on her best friend." "Wait," Rivka noted. "Didn't the best friend know you were dating the first girl?" "Yeah. I'm not sure why that never stops them," I shrugged. "Around the fifth time I stopped worrying about it." "Wow, do you have any idea how many women you've been with?" Rivka asked. "Do you always use protection?" Phyllis piled on. "Yes; 223 as of Friday. I'm hoping to break 300 before work replaces me with those guys from 'Hamster Dance'," I told them. "And yes, I always use protection." "I may not know where my partner has been, but I know where I've been and it scares me," I snickered. "That's why I always carry ten." "Ten?" Nicole snorted. "Do you regularly check the expiration date, or are you that ambitious?" "Ambitious? I'd carry more except it's hard to hide more than ten in a wallet; I've tried," I sighed. "Have you ever run out?" Marsha snickered. Our snickering, chuckling and laughter were drawing stares. "Run out? Hell, I've gone door to door in a women's dormitory at 2 a.m. trying to find some," I related. "Ran into an old girlfriend doing that." I slipped into a dreamy smile. "Why do I think that despite it being 2 a.m. in her dorm with you seeking a condom for use with a different woman, she wasn't pissed?" Rivka giggled. "Oh God no," I waved off. "She was freaking furious. That was some of the most intense 'I'm lonely and it's all your fault' sex I have ever been through." "You have names for different kinds of sex?" Nicole was almost crying from laughing so hard. "Oh yeah. The first time I run across a different sexual experience, I slap a name on it so when it happens again, I know what to do," I explained. "Isn't every woman unique?" Zelda sniffled. "That sounds nice in a love song, but 'no'," I smiled. "Women, and men, have a finite number things; needs and responses. Women can have different erogenous zones, but there all on the human body. Admittedly, it can be a bit like predicting the weather at times. It is not a perfect system by any means." "What's my 'thing' then?" Nicole taunted. She didn't think I could do it. "Sex has to be an accomplishment with you, Nicole," I informed her. "You need to be engaged mentally as much as anything else. You need a poet who runs marathons. Otherwise you end up staring at the ceiling after sex wondering what better use you could have made of your time." Silence. That was the norm for that kind of revelation. Women hated to be laid bare. They hated being misunderstood even more. "Nicole?" Rivka prodded her friend. Nicole remained silent. I knew that look. "Nicole, I'm bad news. Wouldn't you prefer to keeps thing simple?" I hoped. I was wrong to hope. I kept praying they would go 'hey, great, mindless sex; let's not blow it', but they never did. I hated giving lame erotic encounters, despite the guarantee of anguish that always followed. "We could go out on a date and see how that works?" Nicole offered. Doom. "Cáel Nyilas; I'm in the book and I work for Havenstone Commercial Investments," I stupidly replied. "You probably have a killer workload were as I spot-check children's toys for WMDs. Give me a call when you have a night free." How was it going to turn out? Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex; let's make a commitment; you cheating fuck-nut! I hate you. Girls weren't predictable; I was. "Cáel, we are going out to dinner, if you remember who you are supposed to be with," Libra seethed as she and the others passed Nicole's table. "Yup, gotta go where I'm not wanted. Nice seeing you again, Nicole," I grinned. "Ladies, I hope it was a pleasure. It was for me. Good night." Dinner; was; bad. Felix, hemorrhoid that he was, squashed Gina's feeble attempts to draw him back to her as he made crystal clear that he was taking Brooke home; to fuck her into Paradise; instead of letting her go home with me. Problem being; Brooke wasn't mine to take; never had been. For the first time in his life, I thought Brian was about to be screwed. Libra was past uber-bitchy by the fifth glass of wine. Brian held a pair of Jokers and thought he was the boss, like always. Libra had four Queens and would be screaming my name when she orgasmed; Brian was sexually proficient. He was also a misogynist, I was now sure, and Libra was going to make him squeal. Then she was going to grab up her clothes, storm out of Brian's place and never want to talk with him again. It wasn't that I was that unforgettable. I was that I knew what she wanted and had given it to her and not getting it Saturday afternoon while Brooke did was frosting her ass. What did that mean for me? For the first time in a long, long time, I was pissed with another guy. Trent really wasn't worth my time, but Felix was about to cross my here-until-now unforeseen line of what guys did to girls. It was dawning on me that this was the result of me. Someone was doing something wrong to a girl because of me. It wasn't my fault. Felix was being a jerk. That would be of cold comfort for Brooke. We split up after dinner. I didn't have the heart to pick up Gina, who was easy prey right then. It was too much like what Felix thought he was doing to me. I took a cab to Havenstone, changed clothing and biked home. I barely had dinner ready for Timothy when he came through the door. "That's not a look I'm used to seeing," he remarked. "I should have beaten someone up," I frowned, "but I didn't and now some girl; Brooke; is going to have her heart kicked because of it." "Was it something you did?" Timothy asked. "No. There is this guy at work who is using her to alpha-dog me," I muttered. "Brooke?" Timothy was confused. "You hardly like her. What a sleaze (Felix). If it was Odette, first I'd slap you around for still being here. Then we'd go get him." "I'm not even sure why I feel bad about this," I grunted. "As you said, I hardly like her." "It is called a conscience, Dimwit," Timothy snorted. That didn't help much. Conscience? Man, I'd stop my bike to run across a highway to move a tortoise off the road. I used to feed some of the Bolingbrook wild hares during the winter. I did humiliating crap for charity. I was never mean to a girl; only dishonest and unfaithful. Introspection got me nowhere. I was a cad. I'd been happy to be a cad for four years. I was going to be damned if my post-college life was going to be any different; all 68 remaining days of it. In my bedroom I discovered Odette had moved in during my absence. I doubted Timothy had been ignorant of all the stuff she deposited. What was going on with my life? I woke up when I heard keys in the door. It was a bit past eleven. I got up to check and sure enough, it was Odette. Timothy had given her a key. Odette had lived through a harrowing night, her boss was a dick and some of the customers were pure hell. I cuddled with her on the sofa while she unwound then we went to bed together. We didn't have sex; (Tuesday) Around 1 a.m. I miraculously found myself awake and alert in bed. Odette was happily dreaming away. Something was gnawing at the back of my mind. I put a name to the emotion and a face to the fear. I called Brooke. "Hey Brooke," I greeted her eight tries later. She was tired of sending me to voice mail. "What do you want?" she answered in a voice devoid of soul. "Fuck if I know," I replied. "I suddenly woke up from a sound sleep thinking of you." "I'm not interested," she sighed. "I'm going to go out on a limb here. You don't want to talk to anyone yet you want someone to help you understand what you are going through," I gambled. That created a tiny tear in her shroud of depression. After five minutes, I got her to give me her address. She told me she wouldn't answer the door. I told her I at least had to try. That got me to her place, 90 seconds of knocking got me inside and four minutes later, we were lying in bed with her sobbing on my chest. Half an hour later, she offered me sex. I told her to stop tempting me and if she only wanted me for sex, I wanted to be paid in chocolate. She giggled, took a few deep breaths and fell to sleep. Wow, I was in two different women's beds in one night and not having sex in either. My watch alarm went off at 4:50 a.m. That meant no 'Marilyn' call tonight. "Mmm;” Brooke moved toward wakefulness. "Work?" "Afraid so," I yawned. "We haven't had sex," he reminded me. I couldn't stop being me. "That's not why I came over here, Brooke," I rolled onto my side so that our bodies were very close. "Never think I don't want to have sex with you, but that's not why I showed up last night," I continued. "Why did you show up then?" she worried. "I have no clue. I'm like Felix; a player. Listen Brooke, I don't consider you my woman," I stated. "We had sex; we are lovers, but we've been thrown together by dire misfortune, not out of any common thread," I reminded her. "I don't expect you to have any sense of loyalty to me." That phrase freed her up philosophically. That meant she could fuck me and not feel obliged to consider and discard any future for us because there was no realistic future that socially glued us into any acceptable form. "So I needed a shoulder to cry on and you showed up," she mused. "Brooke, you are independent and strong-willed. The next guy you chose will be your choice," I led her along. "Felix though; Felix is a serious player and he felt the need to add you to his list of conquests. I saw it happening and did nothing. Now I feel like crap for sitting back and ignoring the consequences." "You knew Felix would turn me into a hash mark?" Brooke seemed depressed, not angry. "I knew he was trying to get at me," I confessed. "He didn't accept that you and I aren't an item. A blonde co-worker; a high ranking supervisor actually; treated him like a bug in the communal showers yesterday while keeping close contact with me. Felix had to win. He had to show me he is the top dog." "And I was the prize?" Brooke moped. "Not to me," I whispered. Brooke looked hurt. "You are a woman. While you would look delectable in a big red ribbon, that's not who you are. I don't keep hash marks. I have a thing called a heart cord and it is solely for my use. Each binding represents a liaison; like a Quipus; an Incan memory knot." Brooke really didn't care. It sounded neat, it was romantic and the act was not demeaning to her. I could savor the memory of our encounter as long as I didn't share it with my buddies. She wasn't one of 'those' girls. "You are very intelligent," she murmured seductively. She didn't care if I was the reincarnation of Benjamin Franklin, or some schmo in Afghanistan who made his living digging up (hopefully) spent ordinance of battlefields. Smoking hot, sexy, well-educated debutantes like Brooke could fuck finely-sculpted, 'smart' guys like me. She could delude herself that I was rapidly upwardly mobile. My turn. "Brooke, I don't want to get mixed up about us," I evaded. 'Us'? There was no 'us' and we both knew it. "If I caved in right now, I'm not sure I could forgive myself." Yes I could. "I just want to feel like someone gives a damn about me," Brooke whimpered. Good acting. We wrestled around; me trying to leave, but clearly not wanting to, while she physically enticed me. We ended up, me on top, pinning her wrists to either side of her head. Her legs were trapped between mine. "Make it up to me; please," she pouted. She humped her pelvic bone playfully against my cock. "I know you want to help me out." Good word usage on her part. "Brooke, this isn't going to happen," I gritted my teeth in frustration. Yes, it was going to happen. Her right leg began exerting steady pressure against my 'weak' left leg. It slowly 'surrendered' to her advance. Now she had on leg on the outside. My right leg held out a little longer yet Brooke was persistent. Now she could ground her finely groomed landing strip against my pulsating rod. I really, really wanted to fuck her now. I took my hands off her wrists, turned them into fists and placed the beneath each of her underarms. "Damn you," I cursed her. Brooke was gyrating her crotch all over mine. With her hands released, Brooke could leverage her body up and trap my cockhead between her labia. They were thoroughly soaked with her honey so after my 'capture' she drew more and more of my length in until I was completely incased. Brooke had won! She knew she'd won. Fuck Felix and his hash marks. I didn't care so why should she? I made on last energetic yet futile effort to get away. Oddly, Brooke somehow end on top at the end of my exertion. I must be an awful wrestler; "No you don't," Brooke purred only millimeters from my lips. "You are not getting away." That was Brooke tossing good ole Felix under the emotional bus. Felix the Player? She'd chalk it up to too much to drink and the hype being more than the man. How was this possible? Look at her. She'd thrown a known sexual dynamo down on her bed and was working his shaft over every G-spot in her vagina. Brooke still preferred a long, rough fucking to get her off. At the moment, she need reassurance more. Felix most assuredly made Brooke ride him. He kept her perpendicular to his hips and came up to suckle her teats when he wanted to, or watch them bounce as he lay back. He was great at sex, no doubt. The girl had to scream and howl; forgetting every other male she was ever with and making every other guy she'd be with later an automatic failure. To him, that was how he rated success. This resulted in me keeping Brooke close so I could make quick kisses to her very close lips. She'd playfully pull away; to put me in my place and remind me she was in charge; then she'd initiate the kiss. Our love-making was more rhythmic; less frantic. She was getting close. "Next; next time you fuck Felix," I gasped. "Tell him; " "What makes; makes you think I'd; every sleep with him; again?" Brooke got feisty. "I bet he was good in bed and now that you have his measure," I assured her. "You can take what pleasure you want and leave." Brooke liked that. It was the whole independent woman thing. "Won't you be jealous?" she panted. "I cannot constantly keep up with your sexual desires, Brooke," I grunted. "I've been neglecting Libra." Oh yeah, Libra. The girl she, Brooke, initially set me up with. Her Vassar classmate. "What about Felix," she huffed and huffed. She was real close. "Off-handedly comment that he's developing male pattern baldness," I grinned. "Just to fuck with his head." Felix was gorgeous. Better yet, Felix knew he was gorgeous. Hit him where it hurts. Brooke tried to giggle, but the surge of triumph overcame her and off she went. The problem was I was getting close and I didn't have a condom on. "Brooke," I inhaled deeply. She'd come to rest on my chest. "I'm about to; " "Oh," she sighed happily. She reversed to the side as she slithered down my body. My cock went down her throat and I started petting her flank. Brooke wasn't the very best, but, man o man, she was going to town on my dick. There was no doubt in my mind that her vaginal secretions didn't bother her. I had to rush the experience because if I was late to work, Constanza make me stand beside the targets while she shot at them. If she was really pissed, she'd have me hold up targets in front me instead. I shot off, Brooke caught it all in her mouth then spit it into two tissues before tossing them in the trash. I caught her look. Trent and now Felix made her swallow. I didn't care; which was yet another choice Brooke was free to make when making love to me. I jumped her. We had a little, tickle-nibble fight that ended in some kisses. I had to leave and Brooke made sure she was poised extra-sexy the last time I turned around to say goodnight and cut off the lights. "Ah damn," I moaned before I left. I didn't really like Brooke yet, by choosing to engage her in sex, I had accepted the task of making her happy. That was the reason Felix and I were going to fight. He'd use another human being to strike at me instead striking at me directly. To me, this was more than low character, it was an insult to my lifestyle. Felix should have checked his baggage at the door. Competing for the same lady was fine; even fun. Picking one to punish another; not cool. I had to think about my response as I barely made it in for my Constanza time. Wisely, I left my baggage at the door. These were firearms we were dealing with; a danger to me and the people around me. I was in my biking outfit today. More looks. The decision was that I'd go for my Glock-22, a 38 Ruger LCR back-up, a South Korean-made shotgun that looked like an M-16 and a very unhealthy looking device called a Heckler  and  Koch UMP 40 (which I had never even heard of). Wait; it got worse. I was scheduled for knife fighting training at 3 p.m.; every day for the foreseeable future. Constanza didn't w

Cáel's tombstone: For the love of women, women put him here.In 25 parts, edited from the works of FinalStand.Listen and subscribe to the ► Podcast at Connected..

Om att prioritera rocken, nattåg till Hamburg och känna en djup irritation kring att inte ta chansen på topp 5. Efter ett uppehåll är podden tillbaka, rivigare än vanligt och försöker reda ut vilken eventuell spelare som Sirius försöker värva men också varför man förlorade på Örjans Vall. Röster i avsnittet: Viktor Tullgren, Eskil Höglund. 

Live Workshop => https://3twarrior.com/wa Redefining the Modern Man => https://www.youtube.com/@RefinedIntegrity E1875 | No One Is Coming To Save You! We are 16 days away from the most important election in history. No matter who wins! Neither of those Mother Fuckers Going to Save You! Set Up Consultation with our Indexed Universal Life Insurance Team = > https://3twarrioracademy.typeform.com/to/Gb8tpIVy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Juan toured 'The World' and has come back to educate us.The highlight of episode #459 of 'Musings' is the recounting of a unique experience aboard "The World," a private residential ship. Juan shares insights from a day spent with John Demartini, including the exclusive nature of the ship and the type of individuals who reside there. The conversation explores the concept of living on such a vessel, the networking opportunities it presents, and the lifestyle it offers to its residents. Maybe we can manifest an apartment there one day.Huge thanks to Cole McCormick & Petar for their support! Connect with Mere Mortals:Website: https://www.meremortalspodcast.com/Discord: https://discord.gg/jjfq9eGReUTwitter/X: https://twitter.com/meremortalspodInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/meremortalspodcast/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@meremortalspodcastValue 4 Value Support:Boostagram: https://www.meremortalspodcast.com/supportPaypal: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/meremortalspodcast

We are back, with episode 2 or 3 this week. This episode is all about Flophouse Wrestling's Bad Mother Fucker. BMF takes place night 1 of RPW's KOTK 2 weekend this Friday August 23rd! This is an episode you do not want to miss! For all things PWE visit our social media pages @pwepod and our merch store https//brainbustertees.com/other/pro-wrestling-edge/. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/pro-wrestling-edge/support

Download for later Watch on Youtube In this episode: RILFs, video game pet names, big things, vinegar, cryptids, Metroid Prime and Devolver Digital. Taking part: Mitch, Cats, Moogle, Specs and Wooly. 00:00 – Intro and RILFs 20:00 – Video game pet names 33:00 – Bookclub discussion of Metroid Prime 1:01:10 – 1001 uses for vinegar […]

Have you seen Meet all the Parents movies? Us either. On this week's Patreon join us for a chat about Shakespear vs. Johnny Cash. To listen and watch the full episode and support the pod, head over to our Patreon page at https://patreon.com/whatagreatpunkFree Palestine!Sign up to our Patreon for a bonus pod each week (that's double the pod!) and other VIP stuff for just $5 a month:https://patreon.com/whatagreatpunkJoin us all in the TNSW Discord community chathttps://tnsw.co/discordWatch our Comedy Central mockumentary series and TNSW Tonight! on YouTube:https://youtube.com/thesenewsouthwhalesTNSW on Spotify:https://open.spotify.com/artist/0srVTNI2U8J7vytCTprEk4?si=e9ibyNpiT2SDegTnJV_6Qg&dl_branch=1TNSW: @thesenewsouthwhalessJamie: @mossylovesyouTodd: @mrtoddandrewshttps://patreon.com/whatagreatpunkhttps://thesenewsouthwhales.comShout-outs to the Honorary Punks of the Pod:Harry WalkomHugh FlassmanZac Arden BrimsClaireJimi KendallEdmund SmithLachy TanDerrotonin69Adjoa Sam

WELCOME TO THE MISTRESS MIA'S DUNGEON SHOW! MIA AND BARBIE ARE TALKING ABOUT BARBIE BEING A REAL MAN HATER.. LET US ENLIGHTEN YOU, FUCKER. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mistress-mia8/support

Evelyn's Dark Labyrinth Task. By BradentonLarry - Listen to the ► Podcast at Steamy Stories. The maze at the Manor had been bright and green, with nice right angles and a geometric design that was pleasing to the eye. This was dark, grey, and anything but pleasant.“Scary, isn't it?” Instinctively dropping into a crouch and raising her staff defensively, Evelyn looked around for the speaker. It had sounded close and came from her right, over by the dead tree. She noticed that there was a grey bird with a reddish-brown head and white throat looking at her calmly. She thought it looked like a small hawk. “Did you say that?” she asked the bird skeptically. “I did,” the bird gave a little nod. “A talking hawk,” Evelyn chuckled. “I shouldn't be surprised, I guess.” “Excuse me, miss, I am not a hawk,” the bird stretched its wings and puffed out its chest a bit. “I am a red-necked falcon.” Lowering her staff, Evelyn smiled and said, “I'm sorry. I didn't know. Ornithology is not really my specialty.” “I forgive you,” the bird said. Evelyn decided she should just roll with the situation and said, “You were saying something about the maze?” “Yes,” the falcon nodded a bit. “It's rather scary, isn't it?” “Is it actually dangerous, though?” “Naw, I fly over it all the time.” “I'm afraid I don't have that option.” “Oh, well, yes, I suppose you don't,” the falcon said. “Does that mean you are actually going to go into it.” Evelyn frowned, then said, “Well, is that the Dark Labyrinth?” “I believe so. I have heard it called that, anyway.” “Then I have to go into it. I need to reach the center of it.” “Whatever for?” “It's my quest,” Evelyn smirked, mostly just to herself. “Oh, well, I guess that makes sense, then. Annoying things, quests.” “You're not wrong,” she smiled. Just then a loud voice called out from above them, “Horace! What are you doing down there?” Looking up, Evelyn saw another falcon circling them in the grey sky. “I'm just being friendly,” the falcon in the tree, who Evelyn now supposed must be named Horace, called back. “Leave that poor girl alone,” the falcon in the air called down. “We're just talking, honey,” Horace shouted. Then, addressing Evelyn in a normal, quieter voice, he said, “Sorry about that. The missus gets a bit jealous sometimes.” Evelyn smiled and said, “That's alright, I should be on my way anyway.” “Be careful,” Horace nodded. “I'll do my best. Any advice?” “Don't get distracted,” he said. “There are things in there that will try to trap you, or at least get you very lost.” Then, as he flapped into the air, he added, “Oh, and don't let the Beast catch you!” “What? The ‘Beast'?!” Evelyn called after him, but he was already too far away to hear, or at least to reply. With a serious scowl and her staff at the ready, Evelyn started down into the labyrinth, entering it near the closest end of the valley, but quite high up the slope. For the rest of that first day, Evelyn worked her way through the maze slowly and carefully. She decided it would be a good idea to follow the left wall, just to help keep track of where she'd been. She wished she'd managed to bring along some chalk. Before it started to get too dark, she found a section of wall that had collapsed, forming a little cave she managed to crawl into without scraping herself up too badly. She felt far from secure, but she thought it was the best shelter she was likely to find before night fell. Stumbling around that maze in the dark seemed a sure recipe for disaster. Before she was able to drift off into a restless sleep, she gave herself a quiet orgasm, clutching her staff to her as she shuddered in the rubble. Early the next day, Evelyn found some blueberries growing down the side of a wall and drank the water that gathered on the leaves from the misty air. She was starting to think it could take a very long time for her to reach the center of this damned thing. She was trying to use the trick Don had taught her to use in navigating the Manor, but she couldn't tell if it was helping at all. Toward midday, when she was thinking about taking a break anyway, Evelyn came to the first opening in the labyrinth. Like the rest of the maze, this clearing was in a state of serious disrepair, but there was an apple tree surviving and bearing fruit in the corner, and a large pool taking up most of the center of the space. Jumping up and swinging her staff, Evelyn was able to knock down a couple of apples. Biting into one, she found it surprisingly tart for Erosian fruit, but it was still delicious. As she ate her lunch, Evelyn strolled over to the pool of water. It looked too still to be safe to drink, but she might be able to use it to clean up a bit. Looking at her reflection, she saw that she was indeed quite disheveled and dirty. She tossed the core of her apple off to the side, dropped to her knees and set her staff down next to her as she cupped her hands to splash some water on her face. After a bit of rubbing and splashing, and running her fingers through her hair, she waited for the water to calm to see if she was actually helping her situation. Looking down to her reflection, she was surprised to see another face looking up at her. Bright emerald eyes regarded her from beneath the water, and then as she scrambled backward a pale woman with blonde hair broke the surface and said, “Well, hello there.” She had a vaguely Scandinavian accent and a sweet, sexy smile. “Ah, hello,” Evelyn responded. “Sorry if I startled you,” the girl in the water said. “You're just so pretty, I had to come say ‘hi.'” Not knowing what else to say, Evelyn smiled and said, “Well, thank you.” “I'm Trielle,” the woman said as she extended her hand, leaning on the bank of the pool, her porcelain breasts brushing the grass. “Uh, Sage,” Evelyn said as she shook hands. “Nice to meet you, Trielle.” Trielle continued to hold Evelyn's hand, her clasp becoming a caress, and purred, “It's been a long time since we've had a visitor here. I'd love a chance to get to know you better.” The smile on Trielle's lips and the glimmer in her eyes as she said this left very little doubt as to what sort of getting-to-know she had in mind. Evelyn swallowed, and said, “Well, that certainly does sound nice.” Trielle's green eyes were certainly inviting, and Evelyn found herself moving closer, until she was leaning down to kiss the girl's cool, moist lips. Trielle's slender fingers moved up to gently brush the sides of Evelyn's face and then held her there lightly as her tongue slipped into Evelyn's mouth. The feeling of the girl's tongue on hers as well as the soft pressure of their lips together was intoxicating, and Evelyn felt herself leaning forward to indulge herself more deeply in the kiss. Suddenly remembering herself, Evelyn pulled back, regaining her balance on the grass. Trielle smiled back at her. If she was offended by the abrupt withdrawal there was no indication. “You're a good kisser,” the woman smiled, “and you taste so good.” Evelyn found herself blushing a little and said, “Thank you, so do you.” “Would you let me taste you down there?” Trielle asked with a wink. “Down there?” Evelyn found herself suddenly a bit confused. “Uh-hum,” Trielle nodded, biting her lower lip a bit. “You can just sit here on the edge.” Evelyn caught on and said, “Oh! Well, I guess it would be rude of me to say 'no.'” “It certainly would,” nodded Trielle emphatically. Then she pushed back from the shore to let Evelyn rearrange herself so that she was sitting on the edge of the pool with her legs in the water. Smiling up at Evelyn, Trielle moved smoothly through the water between Evelyn's legs. Evelyn shuddered a little in anticipation as Trielle's cool, light fingers moved up her legs. Then she sighed when Trielle's lips brushed over her labia, which were already quite moist and very ready for some affection. Soon, Evelyn was leaning back on one arm while she held Trielle's blonde head in place while the girl in the pool licked and sucked at Evelyn's clit. It didn't take long before Evelyn's orgasm wracked her body with intense, fiery delight, muscles clenching and heart pounding. Slowing her ministrations until Evelyn could regain her breath, Trielle kept her mouth on Evelyn's sex, and then, when Evelyn was ready for more, she began to tongue her clit again, slowly but firmly. Even quicker than the first time, Evelyn's body responded to the woman's cunnilingual skills. Crying out and arching her back there on the bank of the pool, Evelyn came and came, shuddering intensely until she collapsed, spent. As Evelyn lay on her back, looking up at the leaden clouds, heart pounding in her chest, she said, “Thank you! I really needed that.” “It was my pleasure, Sage,” the woman in the water said. “Can you come up here so I can return the favor?” “Oh, no, I don't think I can do that, but you could come in here and play with us.” “Us?” Evelyn asked, and then hauled herself up to see that she and Trielle were no longer alone. Four other people were there in the water. Three of them were handsome men, two of whom were lounging back against the far shore of the pool, muscular arms resting on the ground and broad chests on tempting display. The third man was closer, leaning on the ground, his chin propped on his palm, watching Evelyn with a playful smile on his lips. The new woman was slowly bobbing in the middle of the pool, just her head above water. All of them were staggeringly attractive. “Oh,” Evelyn said, drawing back a bit. “Hello there.” “Come on in, Sage, and we'll have a wonderful time,” Trielle smiled. Evelyn was thinking they did look like they would be a lot of fun, but she managed to say, “I don't think I should.” “Can't you swim?” Trielle asked as if that were the only possible objection one could make to her invitation. “Well, yes, I can but…” “She can't breathe underwater,” came a familiar voice from behind Evelyn, in the direction of the apple tree. Evelyn nodded, “Yes, that's right; I can't.” Trielle pouted a bit theatrically, and said, “Horace, you're always spoiling our fun.” “I doubt that,” said the falcon. “Are you sure you don't want to come in for a while?” Trielle asked, though her tone suggested she knew what the answer would be. Evelyn drew back from the water, curling up well out of reach of the people watching her in the pool, but smiled and said, “I'm very flattered, but I really must continue on my quest.” As her companions began dropping down into the water, Trielle said, “Oh, a quest? Well, that's understandable. It was very nice meeting you, Sage.” Then, with a wave and smile, Trielle dove beneath the water, which was broken again a moment later as a very large fish-tail flipped up and splashed before disappearing again. After realizing she was gaping at the fact that she'd just been eaten out by a mermaid and invited to participate in a mer-orgy, Evelyn shut her mouth, stood up and turned to see Horace perched in the tree. She smiled and said, “Thank you. I wasn't thinking too clearly there for a minute.” “Don't mention it,” Horace said. “Might be a good idea to be a bit more careful, though. This whole place wants to keep you from getting where you want to go.” “The place wants…?” she started but Horace had already taken to the skies again. Carrying an apple in one hand and her staff in the other, Evelyn spent the rest of the day making her meandering way through the Labyrinth. She found that the more natural-seeming surface maze was combined with the occasional overpass and tunnel. She moved as quickly as possible through the latter but tried to appreciate the view afforded by the former. Unfortunately, the Labyrinth now stretched out in every direction with no clear end in sight. Toward evening she heard her next sign of animal life, and it was not at all welcome. Rising in the distance as she started down from one of the overpasses, Evelyn heard something that sounded uncomfortably like the howl of a wolf. Spinning around with her staff at the ready, apple falling to her feet, she scanned her surroundings for any movement or other sign. After several minutes of nothing, she hurried back into the maze. She was now looking for some kind of shelter for the night. The best she could do before it got too dark to continue was to climb up a tree that had enough leaves on it that she wasn't completely visible from the ground. As she finally ate her apple, Evelyn realized that her precarious perch was far from ideal. She might fall in her sleep, and she had no assurance whatsoever that the beast Horace had mentioned couldn't climb this tree as well as she, or better. She wasn't even sure that the howl she had heard belonged to that beast. For all she knew, there could be several beasts about. Still, she would be even more vulnerable on the ground, wandering about the maze in the dark, so she made the best of the situation. Wedged as comfortably as possible, she passed a fitful night in the branches of her tree. As soon as the sky began to lighten in the morning, Evelyn managed to climb down. Rubbing her stiff muscles, she congratulated herself on still being alive and in one piece. Then she started off again. That second day was a long, tedious one, punctuated only by the discovery of another apple tree and then, in the evening, another howl. This time she was sure it was closer, but she still couldn't tell from which direction it came. She managed to clamber up onto the top of a wall, where she managed to sleep a bit during the night. She dreamed of a black shape looking for her with blazing red eyes. Soon after her first masturbation break (spent huddled in a corner, thinking about her fun on the Riverboat with Don) on day three, Evelyn came upon what she took to be a hopeful sign. Her way was blocked by a heavy stone gate with a broad platform set above it. It didn't seem to her that whoever had designed the Dark Labyrinth would put such an obstacle here if it was just a dead end. As she approached the gate, there was a loud flapping sound - much, much louder than anything Horace could make. Craning her neck, she was able to catch sight of a massive shape swooping overhead just before it landed on the platform over the gate. Evelyn was amused to see a winged sphinx perched there regarding her carefully. It had the body and limbs of a rather large lion or some other cat, enormous feathered wings at either side, and the dark-haired head of a handsome, bearded, man. It had been several days with mostly herself for company, and the encounter with Trielle had been all too brief, so she wasn't too surprised to find herself wondering if she was about to experience some sphinx sex. She was more surprised to find that the idea was more intriguing than troubling. This was Eros, after all. The sphinx looked her over slowly, cleared his throat, and said in somewhat bellowing and official tone, “I am Oberon, guardian of this gate, only those who pass my test shall pass!” Then, in a more conversational voice, he asked, “Are you lost or what?” “Ah, no,” Evelyn frowned. “At least, I don't think I'm lost.” “Would you know if you were?” “Maybe not, but that's why I said I don't think I am.” The sphinx managed to shrug, and said, “Fine, then, what are you doing here?” “I am trying to reach the center of the Labyrinth.” Rolling its eyes a bit, he said, “Why?” “It's my quest,” she said, remembering how satisfying Trielle had found that answer. “That's not much of an explanation, is it?” “Isn't it?” “No,” he shook his head. “Look, I'm asking for your motivation, and you've just given me a redescription. 'I'm on a quest to reach the center,' doesn't explain why you're trying to reach the center at all. I'm just going to have to ask you why you're on a quest. Right?” “Yeah, I can see that. Sorry.” “Don't be sorry,” he frowned. “Just try to be a bit more cooperative, and we'll both be happier, okay?” “Sure,” she nodded. He looked at her expectantly. “Oh!” she started, “I want to get one of those rings that lets you go from Eros to my home world and back, but the Watchers Council, or whatever you want to call them, is giving me tasks to complete first, and this is one of them - to reach the center of the Labyrinth.” “That's better,” he nodded. “I could ask why you want one of those rings, et cetera, blah, blah, blah, but I'd rather not waste my time. It's not like I actually care.” Evelyn thought about that for a second and said, “I can understand that.” “Still,” he said, “I do have a job to do, and it's my one and only job, so I might as well take it seriously.” “Sounds like a plan,” Evelyn nodded, still wondering what was about to happen. “So, here's the deal,” the sphinx said. “I'm going to ask you three riddles, and if you get them right, I'll open this gate and give you a prize.” “Okay, and if I don't get them right?” “I will swoop down on you, tear your skinny body to pieces, and eat you.” Evelyn took a step back, raising her staff. “No, I'm fucking with you,” he laughed. “You just have to wait until tomorrow when I come back and ask you three more.” “That's not so bad,” Evelyn agreed. “I should think not! Are you ready?” “Sure,” she shrugged. “Oh wait, does everything have to answer your riddles to get through here.” “Of course,” he said with a touch of pride. “Good,” she nodded, though she immediately realized that this might not be the only way to get to where she was going and that the beast, or whatever, might know another way. “Your first riddle is this: ·       I get sensitive when teased and often come in pairs, ·       Everyone is born with me, but not everyone uses me, ·       I've been in everyone's mouth and cry when full. What am I?” “Ah, let me think a minute,” Evelyn said. “There is a time limit,” the sphinx said. “Is there really?” “Well, I'm not going to give an unlimited number of guesses or hang out here all day.” “I suppose that's fair,” she shrugged, “and you're a nipple.” “Correct,” he nodded. “Second riddle: ·       What is always in the south, but can be found in the north, ·       Has no friends but is fun at a party, ·       Likes attention though is often hidden from view, and is best when near you?” “That's trickier,” she frowned for a long moment. “A clit?” “Very good,” Oberon nodded. “Well, it's one of my favorite things,” she smiled up at him. The sphinx actually smiled and said, “I'm sure it is. You're pretty good at this. Ready for the third?” “I am,” she nodded. “What; ·       can arrive fast or slow ·       Has a rise and a fall ·       Is good the first time as the second ·       Involves one or many, and ·       is always an appreciated guest?” “Oh, I like the phrasing of that one,” Evelyn smiled, “and again, it's one of my favorite things: an orgasm.” “You may pass,” Oberon nodded. The gate beneath him slowly swung open. The sphinx pushed a bundle off his ledge to fall on the ground in front of Evelyn. “That's your prize.” Evelyn picked up a pouch that held a flask of water and had enough room for several apples as well as a strap that made slinging it over her shoulder easy and comfortable. “Thank you!” she grinned up at him. “You're welcome,” he nodded. “Good luck in there.” “I'll try,” she bowed a little and passed through the gate. When she looked back on the other side, Oberon had flown off already. The pouch made her life quite a bit easier. She gathered four apples to take along when she found the next tree and was able to take a drink whenever she felt thirsty. She almost found herself enjoying her long wandering through the labyrinth for the rest of that day. Passing the night in a rather uncomfortable tree cured her of her good mood, though. The next day began with yet another howl in the distance, and this time Evelyn was quite sure it was coming from someplace much closer. As a result, she quickened her pace, and decided to skip any masturbation breaks, no matter how horny she got. This proved a bit problematic when she got to her next distraction. Early in the afternoon, just after navigating a complex of particularly tight corners and switchbacks, she came to a fairly straight run that was unremarkable except for the open doorway halfway down the right side. Orangish light spilled out of the door and illuminated that part of the pathway. As Evelyn drew closer, she felt warmth washing over her for the first time in days and heard the unmistakable sounds of several individuals having a wonderful time together. When she could actually look through the doorway, what she saw made her stop dead in her tracks. Evelyn found herself peering into a sumptuous bedroom, not unlike those in the Manor, but with a redder, darker aesthetic. There was a fireplace warming the room, many candles suffusing the space with gentle welcoming light, a soft, thick black carpet, plush overstuffed chairs, and a large bed covered with what looked like a deep crimson duvet. Then there were the people… On the bed were at least four bodies entwined in a very appealing arrangement of shapely limbs and muscular torsos. Evelyn was particularly distracted by one very masculine backside, from the splendidly tight ass to the strong lower back, as its owner slowly and intently moved between a pair of beautiful long legs. As pleasing as the tableaux on the bed was, though, Evelyn's eyes were drawn to a scene much closer at hand. There, in a large armchair that bore not a small resemblance to a throne, reclined a staggeringly gorgeous woman with long, thick, dark hair tumbling down around her face and over her shoulders. She had a pair of breasts that were simply breathtaking, full and firm, rising and falling there in the candlelight. Her legs were long and strong, and parted so that a much smaller woman could kneel between them and go down on her. Evelyn noticed in passing that the tiny woman on the floor had a long, slender tail springing from the base of her spine and whipping slowly back and forth. The woman who was being pleasured there was watching Evelyn with a smile on her dark red lips. Evelyn noticed that the woman seemed to have little horns high on her forehead, but, like the other woman's tail, this didn't seem to bother Evelyn at all. Instead, she found herself wanting nothing more than to go into this room and worship those magnificent, beautiful tits. Somehow, though, she resisted, her fingers clutching the doorframe next to her. “Oh, do come in, sweet thing,” the woman in the chair said. “You look like you could use a bath and a good night's sleep, as well as some tender loving care.” “Thank you, but I really should keep going,” Evelyn said quietly. Her eyes followed the woman's hand as it moved over one of her own glorious breasts, giving it a squeeze and running a long red nail over her hard nipple. “Are you sure that's what you want?” the woman smiled. “There is so much pleasure to be enjoyed here. Why make things so hard on yourself?” “It's my quest,” Evelyn tried. “Silly child,” the woman chuckled. “What could you want out there? We have anything you might desire here.” To illustrate her point, there were now two naked people standing there on either side of the woman's chair, one man and one woman. Both were achingly beautiful, had those tiny little horns, and seemed to have tails swishing behind them. The woman was slender with lovely small breasts with nipples that seemed to want Evelyn to kiss them. The man was built like an athlete or a model and was sporting a generous erection that seemed to beckon to Evelyn. “I need to get one of those rings so I can come back to Eros…” Evelyn reminded herself. “Oh, but why would you ever want to leave?” the woman in the chair said. “Come in and stay with us. We'll make you so comfortable and give you so very much pleasure.” Evelyn closed her eyes and forced herself to concentrate. The gorgeous woman had overplayed her hand a bit. “So, if I come in, I have to stay, eh?” Evelyn asked, once again using her normal voice. “What would tempt you to leave?” the woman said with that seductive smile. “Well, variety is nice,” Evelyn pointed out. “We can accommodate that very easily.” The woman beside the chair was now Asian, and the man was black, and the room now appeared to be in a mountain lodge. Then the woman was black, with full breasts and a large cock, the man now looked just like Don, and the room was a library - a library featuring a large bed. Evelyn smiled and said, “It's a tempting offer, but no thanks. Have fun.” She turned and started back on her way. “Well done,” said a voice from overhead. “Hardly anyone can resist Beatrix.” “Hey, Horace,” Evelyn said as she craned her neck to get a look at the falcon as he circled overhead. “How much farther do I have before I get to the center of this damn thing?” “Oh, not far at all,” he replied. “It's just over there.” “She doesn't mean in a straight line, fool,” said the female falcon, who was now perched on a nearby wall. “Oh, right, let me have a look,” Horace said and flew off. “Thank you…” “Heather,” the lady falcon said, “and don't mention it. It seems like my job to keep him focused. You're doing very well, by the way.” “I am?” Evelyn smiled. “Thank you.” “Yes,” Heather bobbed her head. “By now the Beast would have caught up with most people.” Evelyn shifted her staff and looked around before asking, “Can you tell me more about this Beast?” “Big hairy brute,” Heather said. “Never gives up when he's got your scent, and he has yours.” “How far back is he?” “Hard to say. There are lots of ways to go down here. I'd guess you might have till dusk, give or take, if you hurry.” Evelyn's eyes grew wide and tried to think of another question to ask, but Horace returned and lighted next to his mate and said, “It's hard for me to say with your handicap…” “He means because you can't fly,” Heather clarified. “Yes,” Horace bobbed. “Wasn't that obvious? Anyway, you could be there in a couple of hours, but only if you go through the ghost cave. It'll take twice as long if you go around that.” “Ghost cave?” Evelyn asked as she started to move again, hoping the falcons would follow along. “Yeah,” Horace said. “You can't miss it, but it'll be on your left.” “Okay, but what do you mean 'ghost'?” “You know, disembodied spirits.” That was the most she could get out of the falcons, and Evelyn focused her efforts on hurrying along without tripping or missing the entrance to any caves, 'ghost' or otherwise. Horace had been right, the entrance to the cave would have been very hard to miss indeed. What was, effectively, a four-way intersection formed a small courtyard. The path Evelyn had been following continued on straight through and there was another pathway off to the right, but on the left a long series of broken steps led into the ground much further than any of the previous underpasses. There was a silvery blue glow at the bottom of those stairs and the air was decidedly cooler at the entrance to the passage. Evelyn was not a superstitious woman, but this was Eros, where things were odd, to say the least, and she had spent days wandering the “Dark Labyrinth,” had encountered talking birds, mer-people, and what she was thinking of as succubi, and was being chased by some kind of beast. The situation demanded that she take talk of ghosts quite seriously. Still, any concerns Evelyn was having were banished by the sound of yet another howl, much closer now and clearly from back the way she'd come. She hurried down the steps and into the cave.Evelyn's Seduction by the Ghost of the Labyrinth. As she neared the bottom of the steps Evelyn saw that the cave was filled with a thin glowing mist, which was responsible for the eerie silver-blue illumination. The glow would make navigating the underground passage much easier than Evelyn had feared. Adhering to her policy, she followed the left wall.Evelyn was happy to see that the cave was long enough, and straight enough, that it made sense to think of it as a rough, wide underground passage. She was less happy to notice that there were eddies and clouds in the mist that seemed to linger and move in ways that were… less than natural. As she hurried along, she was sure she felt light touches on her legs and arms, though she could see nothing that might have touched her. She felt a warm breath on her neck at one point but brushed it away and kept moving. It was only when she heard someone whispering something indistinct in her ear that she stopped and whirled around, her staff slicing an arc through the mist. Of course, there was no one there, but the mist swirled around her, seeming to gather around her body. She felt hands… well, she felt something just like hands moving over her legs, then up her body and arms. At first it felt like maybe there were two people caressing her, but then the sensations multiplied quickly, and Evelyn felt like there were a dozen or more pairs of hands moving over her skin, feeling and exploring her body. It was as if her breasts were being cupped, her ass squeezed, her face caressed, and her labia stroked, while her legs and arms, belly and back, were stroked and gently massaged, though she was standing there alone in the cave. In spite of herself, and against her plan to hurry through the cave as quickly as possible, Evelyn found herself getting very turned on by the ghostly attention. When it felt like several mouths, with their very tactile lips, teeth, and tongues, joined the spectral hands, kissing and licking at her skin, sucking and pulling at her nipples, Evelyn shuddered and moaned. She felt herself gently lifted into the air as invisible hands parted her legs. Then Evelyn groaned loudly as the sensation of several mouths pleasuring her pussy and clit flooded through her nervous system. She came there, floating in the mist, as hours and hours of frustration broke through the dam and washed over her in a tumbling storm of muscle clenching ecstasy. She was still shuddering and gasping when she felt something pushing up into her pussy. No, it was definitely somethings, plural. She was being filled quite nicely, but not more than she would by one good-sized cock, but they were moving separately, and the feeling was amazing! Every bit of her pussy was being stroked and stimulated at once. Plus, there was still the feeling of several mouths on her, licking her clit and sucking her nipples, while all those ghostly hands caressed her body. Evelyn felt herself surrendering, letting the ghosts, or whatever they were, have their way with her. She thought it would be wonderful to just float along like this, being made love to for… for… “No!” she shouted, much louder than she had expected. Immediately she dropped to the ground, landing painfully, and an angry, “Fuck!” As she picked herself up and looked around for her staff, Evelyn eyed the glowing mist all around her warily. When she had retrieved her staff and adjusted her pouch, she said, “Look, I'm sorry. You've all been really wonderful, and that was just really, really amazing, but I have to keep going.” Knowing the whole point of the ghost cave was probably to keep her from finishing the labyrinth, she was a bit surprised when the mist drew back and let her continue without any further temptations or interference. Even so, Evelyn spent the rest of her underground journey thinking about how intense her experience had been. She found herself thinking she would like to come back here. She wondered how it would feel to have the ghosts come inside her. Did they even have orgasms? These musings kept her rather distracted and very horny until she started up a rough-hewn set of steps at the end of the cave. Blinking in the relatively bright light of the overcast day, Evelyn looked around and tried to get her bearings. She was at another four-way intersection, and started to head to the left, as her system dictated. “No, go straight,” said Horace from overhead. “Hurry! He found a shortcut.” Stumbling a bit, Evelyn broke into a run. Her pouch was slapping at her wildly, so she wrestled it off and tossed it aside. This was one of those times she was glad she didn't have bigger tits. “Right and right again,” Horace shouted. Evelyn wanted to ask why the hell he hadn't been this helpful earlier but decided not to waste her breath at that moment. Instead she pitched herself around the two corners and ran flat out. “She's not going to make it,” Heather said from somewhere off to Evelyn's left. “Take this next left and then a quick right and the central clearing is straight ahead,” Horace continued. Evelyn made the jog to the left, scraping her shoulder on the corner, and sprinted. Ahead, she could see where the walls on either side of her came to an end and there was some kind of opening. Then she was through and running into a large courtyard that looked like it had once been nicely maintained but had since been left to ruin. Scraggly weeds and grasses pushed up between uneven stones and unruly bushes here and there suggested a long-forgotten attempt at landscaping. Some distance in front of her, there was a rise of stones with what looked like a fountain jetting water. She was going to make it! And the first thing she was going to do was clean herself in that damn water. Then Heather screeched, “Look out!” “On your right!” Horace added. When Evelyn saw the dark shape barreling at her out of the corner of her eye, all she could think to do was to dive into a roll. She was low to the ground when the beast hit her, hairy arms and long talon-like fingers grappling for her. Unable to get a good hold, it rolled past her and quickly sprang back up. Evelyn had rolled into a crouch, her staff raised and ready, and glowered at the beast, getting her first look at the creature. She didn't know what to call it. It looked a bit like a werewolf, but also a bit like an ape. Its arms were long, like an ape's, but its snout was more lupine; its ears were on the side of its head, but pointed, more like a dog's. Its back, as well as the back of its arms and its haunches, were covered with dark brown fur, and its flesh was a much lighter brown. It had hands with long fingers, like a chimp's, but feet more like a human's, though it did have long, hooked toenails, which probably helped it climb over the rocks and walls of the labyrinth. It had fangs and a long tongue that Evelyn could see clearly as it struggled to catch its breath. It looked at her with deep brown eyes. Of course, she also noticed that it had a nice-sized, and very erect, penis of the primate variety. Evelyn spent the second or two she had at her disposal to remember everything she knew about fighting here in Eros, and then the beast was springing at her. Of course, by the time the creature reached the place she'd been, Evelyn had sprung into the air and leapt over it, landing behind it. As he spun around, Evelyn's staff whipped across his snout with a loud crack. A spray of blood and spittle arced after the staff. “No!” Evelyn said, in a very different tone from the one she'd used with the ghosts. There she had mostly been addressing herself. The beast snarled angrily and dove at her again, this time higher. Rolling backward and falling, Evelyn let its outstretched claws fly over her. Then she shoved up with her feet, connecting with the beast's crotch and pushing it up and over. He tumbled past her with a confused yelp, as Evelyn sprang to her feet and spun around to face him. Again, her staff flashed along with her twisting motion, this time connecting with the beast's arm. “No!” she repeated sternly, in the tone of a woman reprimanding a misbehaving dog. Glowering at Evelyn, and rubbing its arm, the beast slowly moved around her, keeping his distance but clearly not leaving anytime soon. She turned with it, watching him warily. When he moved in again, it was much more careful, ready to change direction if his prey moved. When it decided it was close enough, he rushed in trying to catch Evelyn in its arms. Using a move she'd learned in aikido, though, Evelyn easily slipped away and gave the beast a sharp swat on its hairy ass as it blundered past. The creature spun quickly rounding on Evelyn, trying again to catch her again, but she easily ducked under his long arms. She also took advantage of the fact that it was off balance by using her staff to sweep its leg out from it. As it sprawled forward, she again smacked it on the ass, with the staff and quite hard. “No!” she said for the third time. This time, though she found herself smiling a bit. Fear had given way to relief, and thanks in part to the adrenaline certain other things were reasserting themselves. The beast had collected himself and was now watching Evelyn indignantly and rather suspiciously. Apparently, it wasn't used to its prey fighting back so well, if at all. “Are you going to behave?” she asked. It regarded her with a rather clear expression of confusion, but then slowly nodded his head. “Good boy,” she smiled. “If you'll be nice, I might give you a little treat.” The beast cocked his head to the side a bit and visibly relaxed. Keeping her staff in hand and ready, Evelyn took a few steps toward the crouching beast, again noticing its erect cock. When he didn't move away or react aggressively, Evelyn reached slowly out to pet his head and then scratched a bit. The beast responded with something that sounded like a happy murmur. “Good boy,” she said again. Staff still in hand, Evelyn slowly crouched in front of him, looking the beast in the eye. Leaning in a bit, she reached out to lightly touch his cock. The creature breathed a sigh, and Evelyn began to caress it more deliberately. Carefully watching for any sign that the beast would jump her, Evelyn wrapped her hand around his cock and stroked it. Satisfied that the beast was docile enough, Evelyn said, “Lie down.” She nudged him backward until the beast was on his back looking up at Evelyn intently. Moving quickly, she straddled his hairy body and took hold of his cock. “See? If you behave yourself, we can have lots of fun together,” she smiled down at him as she rubbed his cockhead between her rather moist lips. Then she sank down on his thick, hard shaft with a deeply satisfied groan, loving the way his sex filled her. Dropping her staff at last, Evelyn braced her hands on the beast's broad chest and proceeded to slide up and down on his cock. The beast shoved up into her and reached up to hold her waist in its wiry hands. Evelyn leaned back a bit and started squeezing her tits tightly. With the beast's help she slammed herself down on him again and again, grinding her clit against his hairy body with each downward motion. Then she was crying out loudly as she came there, riding the fearsome beast she'd tamed. She shook on top of him, clutching her breasts tightly as her body clenched and pulled at him. As soon as she started to come down, she started moving again. The beast was all too happy to keep fucking her, and when it rolled her over on her back, Evelyn was only too happy to let him drive into her hard and fast. Evelyn's legs wrapped around the beast's furry hips and pulled him in, encouraging him to ravish her. The beast seemed to understand this, or was just following its instinct, because he was fucking her violently, hard, deep and rough. Evelyn cried out incoherently there in the middle of the Dark Labyrinth as she came again and again, until finally the beast's big cock swelled inside her and flooded her pussy with a bucketful of hot cum. “Oh yes! Good boy!” Evelyn called out as she shook with her own orgasm. “Damn!” She felt the beast drawing out of her and a long stream of his cum ran out of her. She smiled to herself and sat up a bit to look at the beast. It was crouched a few feet away, watching her. “Now wasn't that better than fighting?” she asked. When the beast nodded his head rather emphatically, she smiled and said, “Bring that over here. I'm not done with you yet.” In another moment, Evelyn was on her knees sucking on the beast's cock until she was sure he was ready to go again. Then, she walked him over to the steps leading up to the fountain. “Well, that was impressive,” Horace said from a nearby bush. “Enjoy the show?” Evelyn asked wryly. “Quite!” Heather said. “You definitely have charms to soothe the savage beast,” Horace chuckled. “Well, feel free to stick around and watch,” Evelyn laughed. Laying down on her belly on the edge of a stone riser, Evelyn had the beast take her from behind. He shoved into her hard, and Evelyn found herself enjoying the way the stone felt as it rubbed against her belly and tits. She worked her arm down between her body and the stone to stroke her clit as the beast fucked her relentlessly. Soon she was coming again, crying out partly for the benefit of the watching falcons but mostly because she was enjoying making a spectacle of herself, being fucked there by the wild beast. Only after she'd had several very satisfying orgasms, did Evelyn have him stop so she could turn around on the stone so she could look up at him as he fucked her. There was something so wildly, insanely decadent about having this wild thing mate with her, and Evelyn was happily surprised to find out how very into this she was. Soon she was coming yet again, clenching and groaning on his cock. Before Evelyn was quite done riding the waves of her climax, she could tell he was about to come again. She managed to push him back and pulled his cock to her mouth. Wrapping both her hands tightly around his shaft, and sucking on the fat head, she milked at him until she felt him swelling in her grasp. Then with a deep groan, the beast came for her. A huge gout of cum erupted into Evelyn's mouth and down her throat, but there was much too much for her to swallow and most of it spilled out of her mouth. Then a second spasm shook the beast and another deluge of cum splashed all over her face, throat, and tits. Laughing, and wiping some cum from her eyes, Evelyn smiled up at the beast and said, “Good boy. Now, help me up to that fountain so I can get cleaned up.” She heard Horace saying, “I'm telling you, honey, mammal sex is hot!” “Shut up, fool,” Heather laughed. “I wasn't arguing with you.” As soon as the cool water hit her, Evelyn found herself back on the grand porch in front of the Hall of the Crimson Mountain King. She was still rather drenched in the beast's cum. “Fuckers,” she breathed, and headed off to the showers. Chapter 10. The Lighted Stage & a Familiar Face “So, after she got one hundred men to cum for her, Evelyn had to make it to the center of something called the ‘Dark Labyrinth,'” Don continued. “She made friends with a pair of talking falcons, met some mermaids & mermen, answered a sphinx's riddles, and had sex with ‘ghosts.'” Toshia laughed, “You're moving way too fast!” With a smile, Don said, “Yeah, but it's her story to tell and we're running out of time.” “I suppose that's fair.” “But, I will tell you, she was being stalked by a 'beast' that sounds like a combination of an ape and a werewolf. She fought it off, got it to behave, and fucked it.” “Whoa!” “Yeah, it reminded me of your encounter with the Bull, only more violent.” “Sounds hot,” Toshia smiled. “That was my reaction, too.” “That's pretty fucking hot!” Don grinned at Evelyn. It had gotten dark while she was telling her story there by the poolside. “Yeah, I thought so too,” she laughed. “While I got cleaned up, I kept thinking about the whole thing and got pretty riled up again. When I got out of the shower, I threw myself into the big orgy for a couple of hours. Then, I went straight up to the council. I had cum running down the insides of my legs and drying all over my ass, tits, and face, but no one said a word or even seemed to notice.” Don laughed, “How did you keep a straight face?” “It wasn't easy,” she winked. “They gave me my next mission, which did not involve being teleported away. So, I went back out, rode the couch down, and got cleaned up before heading out. I was able to grab my clothes, too.” “Nice! So, what is your next mission?” “I'm on a pilgrimage to the Grove of Rati.” “Ah?” “Yeah, I don't know where it is, either, but the council gave me this compass to point me in the right direction,” she drew a small device from the pocket of her skirt and passed it to Don. “They said it points in the right direction.” “Well, that's handy,” Don said as he examined what did, indeed, look just like a normal compass, but had no cardinal or degree markings. “I have to get there on my own power: no riverboats, ships, or flying carpets. 'Can't even ride piggy-back.” Don passed the compass back and asked, “How long do you have?” “As long as it takes, I guess,” Evelyn shrugged. “I got the impression they think it will take quite a while.” “That sucks,” he frowned. “Yeah, but you're stuck here for a year, anyway, right?” “True.” “And just think of all the stories I'll have when I get back,” she smiled. “Yeah, that's true, too,” Don nodded. “Still, I'm going to miss you.” She kissed him and said, “I'll miss you, too, lover. I'll come back here as soon as I can.” “Okay, yeah, let's meet here at the Resort, poolside, as soon as we have some freedom.” “Deal! Stick to the other protocols but come back here when we get the chance.” “It's a good place to wait,” Don smiled. “You might not feel that way at the end of the year,” Evelyn pointed out. “Now, you said you had something in mind for tonight?” “I did,” nodded Don. “Did you get a chance to try the Lighted Stage while you were here before?” “I went in and looked around, but I didn't play there.” “I was thinking it was perfect for our particular situation,” he smiled. “Oh, good thinking. Let's go!” Evelyn grinned as she took his hand and led the way. “I don't remember the Lighted Stage,” Toshia frowned. “Yeah, it's past the Temple, in a corner we never got to. It's basically an exhibitionist and voyeur club. It's not much to look at on the outside, except that there are four video screens on the main wall that show some of what's going on inside. Anyway, when you go in, there are two doors - one labeled 'players' and the other labeled 'audience.' On the first one, it also says, 'All playing should be done on one of the stages,' and on the second it says, 'No playing with anyone in the audience, just yourself. Enjoy the show!'” “Oh, nice! It does sound perfect.” “Yeah, that's what I was thinking,” Don laughed. “Naturally, I went to the audience side, but I've been in the other part. There's a nice lounge there, where players can get cleaned up, have a bite to eat and something to drink, and find playmates. Oh, and there is a costume room, too, so they can roleplay appropriate to the stage they select, if they want to.” “Damn,” Toshia breathed. “I wish we'd tried that.” Don chuckled and continued, “That evening I went to the audience side, which is like a dimly lit club. There are comfortable chairs and benches, waiters moving around with drinks, and discrete stacks of towels here and there. The one side, though, is made up of seven stages - really just one-room sets - four on the bottom row and three above them. There is a balcony on the audience side so you can get a better view of the action on the second floor. The lighting is set up so that the stages are well-lit, but you can't really see the audience side people too clearly unless you really try.” “What kind of sets?” “They might change now and then, but one's got mirrors on all three walls and a big round bed in the middle that's constantly turning, very slowly. Another's set up like a honeymoon suite, all in red and pink. There's a locker room, an S&M dungeon, a cheap motel room, and one that looks like a pretty dirty bus stop. My favorite, though, is one that looks like a living room from the '70s. There's something so funny about that one, but it's sexy too… like, oh, sex is just happening here in the living room. Well, I think it's sexy.” Toshia smiled and said, “No, I get it.” “On the player's side, the door to each set has three lights over it, green, yellow, and red, and the players switch them appropriately. Green means the stage is completely free; yellow means it's being used but people should feel free to join in; and red means it's being used but they don't want anyone else joining in. I'm told hardly anyone uses the red light, but it does happen.” “I suppose people might have a particular scenario they want to play out,” Toshia mused. “Exactly,” Don smiled. “Anyway, it was already a pretty busy night when we got there. All but one of the stages was already being used.” As Don waited for Evelyn to make an appearance on one of the seven stages, he idly surveyed the other shows. Along the bottom row of stages, working from right to left: in the dungeon scene there was a naked man suspended by his wrists from a ring in the ceiling as a woman in leather alternated between spanking his ass with a big black paddle and teasing his very erect penis with her hand, as well as a young woman in a set of stocks who was being tormented by an older man doing things to her from behind; in the living room were three couples who seemed to be living out a rather enthusiastic swinger scene from a porno; on the big round revolving bed there seemed to be something just short of a dozen naked bodies thoroughly enjoying themselves; and on a bare mattress in the bus stop set three men were enthusiastically fucking and sucking each other. Don climbed the stairs up to the balcony and saw that five women were putting on a very appealing show in the big, central, honeymoon suite, and a woman wearing a cheerleader outfit was surrounded by five rather fit men in the locker room over to the right. Only the cheap motel set, on the left, was unused, so Don settled in to wait directly across from that, leaning on the balcony railing. From that position, as well as seeing much of what was going on down below, Don could watch the women in the honeymoon set, which made it quite easy to wait for Evelyn to turn up. Eventually, the motel room door opened, and Evelyn came in, followed by her two playmates. Evelyn was now wearing a bright pink tube top, a red miniskirt, fishnet stockings and stiletto heels. She had applied dark red lipstick and some serious eye shadow. Her two companions, a woman with black hair drawn back in a bun and a tall older man with blond hair, were dressed in surprisingly modest clothing, particularly for Eros. The woman was wearing a blouse and skirt and relatively low high-heels, and the man was wearing loafers, slacks, and a button-down shirt. Don immediately surmised that Evelyn was playing the role of a streetwalker picked up by a couple looking to spice up their relationship. Evelyn directed the man to have a seat in the chair in the corner, as she drew the woman with her to the bed. She got up on her knees on the bed and turned to face the woman, who she drew in for a long, deep kiss. Evelyn's hands moved over the woman's body, groping her through her clothes before she began to undress her. Evelyn pushed the woman's blouse down over her shoulders and promptly lowered her mouth to the newly exposed breasts. Don watched from his place at the balcony, as Evelyn eventually went back to making out with her new friend and then quickly removed her tank top, tossing it to the side, and then held the woman's head to her breast. Evelyn smiled over at the man in his chair, who so far seemed perfectly content to watch the two women. Only when Evelyn had stripped the woman of her skirt, and gotten rid of her own miniskirt, but left on her stockings and heels, did she beckon the man to join the women where they were sitting on the edge of the bed. Taking the lead again, Evelyn undid the man's pants and drew out his penis. Soon, she and the other woman were taking turns sucking and licking at what quickly became a long and very thick cock. Don watched as Evelyn tried to get as much of that monster as she could down her throat and then encouraged the other woman to do the same. Pushing the woman's head down on his fat organ, Evelyn smiled up at the man and said something the audience couldn't hear. Soon, with four feminine hands wrapped around his shaft, the man was spraying a shower of cum all over the women's faces and tits. Evelyn sucked on his head, apparently draining him of any remaining jizz, as the other woman licked up any cum on his shaft and balls. Evelyn said something else to the man, who smiled and nodded before stripping out of his clothes as he moved back to the chair to wait his turn again. Meanwhile, Evelyn had turned to the woman and proceeded to lick and suck up every bit of cum she could find. The woman returned the favor and the two of them eventually were lying on the bed making out intently. Evelyn gradually began to make her way down the woman's body, until she was half off the bed, going down on the woman, who definitely seemed to be enjoying what Evelyn was doing. Don was enjoying watching the woman writhing on the bed as Evelyn lay between her legs. His cock was rock hard in front of him, but he made a point of not touching it yet. The man whose cock was apparently quite ready for round two got up and crossed over to the bed, where he encouraged Evelyn to raise herself up until she was bent over at the end of the bed, her ass in the air while her face was still buried between the other woman's legs. Bending his legs and pushing his cock down, the man was soon fucking in and out of Evelyn, his hands on her hips pulling her back on him and shoving her forward into the woman on the bed. Don found himself entranced by the line of Evelyn's stockinged leg, stretching from her ankle there above that long heel up along her strong calf, along the line of her firm thigh as it flexed slowly while she was fucked, to her tight ass as the man

Nas is on the dating apps, Marshall gets drafted into the trash pickers union, and OK gets called a dirty hippie

Ready to learn about the maladaptive tendencies of your most difficult relational partners? When we don't believe we're "entitled" to a need or emotion, we vent it into (unwise) action. Let's discuss the immature cognitive patterns we/others may still be utilizing to keep our brains "safe." We'll cover the lowest level self-defense mechanisms: Acting Out, Help-Rejecting Complaining, and Passive Aggression. Want to learn a lot more about these SDMs? Check the patreon page, where we're talking about each one in depth! Next up: Image-splitting and Object Projection. Toot Toot, all aboard Fuckers. Cheers!

“Caddyshack” (A Mumtidimentional Mixtape) {Enter The Multiverse} From Wikipedia: Caddyshack is a 1980 American sportscomedy film directed by Harold Ramis, written by Brian Doyle-Murray, Ramis and Douglas Kenney, and starring Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, Ted Knight, Michael O'Keefe and Bill Murray with supporting roles by Sarah Holcomb, Cindy Morgan, and Doyle-Murray. It tells the story of a caddie, vying for a caddie scholarship, who becomes involved in a feud on the links between one of the country club's founders and a nouveau riche guest. A subplot involves a greenskeeper who uses extreme methods against an elusive gopher. Caddyshack was Ramis's directorial debut and boosted the career of Dangerfield, who was previously known mostly for his stand-up comedy. Grossing nearly $40 million at the domestic box office (the 17th-highest of the year),[3] it was the first of a series of similar comedies. The film has a cult following and was described by ESPN as "perhaps the funniest sports movie ever made" SAUCE (IN CASE YOU MISSED IT) —- AHAHA. ITS ME AGAIN. OH SHIT! Oh shit, i guess it's Jimmy Fallon's Galaxy. Oh nooo. Oh, yes. Look at this penny. I see you. Now look into my eyes. I see you, Jesus. Ahahaha! Okay, now what? This shit is twisted I missed the shift of the dimensions— Till Jimmy walked in with his pennies For some cigarettes and swishers, Just to get the picture It's 5 AM again, And it's still Infinite, I'm disinterestedd as ever in living in LA, Or just living, period— But it is what it is, I work for my rent, I've repented for this, Used to sleep in a tent, But when I was an Infant, I instantly— Wait, a customer walked in. I better help him. Heaven help him. Another level, Call dr. Nevel, Or an Ambulance, I just can't get it Just can't get it, Wait, let's insert some of the script here, I guess. Took you long enough, didn't it? That took forever. How are you alive? Maybe I'm not. Finally, we agree on something. Oh, this guy Lol. Good to see you again. Likewise, now— Here it goes… As you promised. Working on it. As I promised. Take my heart for granted, Take my soul, If this is loveless Till the end, I just can't manage, having Thoughts of death and tragic ends I haven't Felt the same since Waking up without the day to come ahead; The day has passed again A test, No fail, or pass It's just progressive, In a trance, It's just the stress, It's just to pass the time, I guess, if this is purpose Then, we'll see if this is worth it Now, or never, then Now or never, Never had a friend, All envious at best, This is the end all, In the end, it's just Me and God, And God would want A better body, To have fun I wished it all at once, And then I watched it crumble Oh, I watched it Stumble in, again, my friend I'm different when it's wet, I might not never see the Sun again I might not ever love again Oh well “Oh well” , I said Oh, well, I guess Oh well Okay. One hour left. Okay. Who gets the gold? Hum. Honestly I didn't want to hear a thing ; I had quit music—I just wasn't cut out for the industry—I was, but not by societal standards by far; my lowly place in the smoke shop would have to do for now, and though I knew it wouldn't sustain, there wasn't much else I could do but keep showing up, for as long as it lasted—dresses in at least 2 layers and 5 pairs of socks tucked into boots two-sizes-too-big I had been forced to purchase specifically due to the frigid and painful, freezing temperatures at the locations I worked, which kept its doors open 24/7. Play Iambic. What, right now? Yeah, play Iambic. Uh… Iambic played st exactly 1 hour and 19 minutes—it's script, the transcribed rendition crafted especially for the Broadway stage, an 88-page-masterpiece collecting dust in the confines of my Google Documents, along with anything else I had written and had yet the advantage of placing anywhere besides my podcast channels, which I constantly thought about cancelling, despite its innumerous downloads—nothing really seemed to matter anymore, as I was trapped in my body, in a loveless world, in a dead-end job and though my bed was clean and comfy, sharing the room wirh 3 others became exhausting. INT. SMOKESHOP. 5:58 AM DREW BARRYMORE … SUPACREE … I'm done. I quit. QUIT?! YOU CAN'T QUIT. Nope. That's it. I quit. You can't quit. I just did. I hadn't quit the music industry—the music industry had quit me. I wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough, light skinned enough, or willing to do what any of the other girls were to get ahead. WTF is THIS. Since you like to troll so much, I just thought I'd turn you into one This is not Kosher, 199x Jimmy Fallon; Let me out of this plastic —not exactly “fireproof” — death box, before I let myself out, and I trap you in it. But oh, You already did. FIGHT. UGH OH. Ok, rotate. Who is this. Oh shit, hey dude. FUCK, what year is it? MEANWHILE, Under the bridge. …anybody seen this, uh… *Troll* Yee! *Troll* Alright. That's it. Everything checks out. The story was air tight. TIGHT, TIGHT I want you to wear this tonight “The Lady In The Red Dress” You really went all out for this I really didn't. lol Oh I see, You thought this was the matrix. MIT I WISH GOD Wish what. MIT … Mm. Did u see that. See what. ALRIGHT FUCK THIS, YA'LL IT GOT SERIOUS, WHERE'S MY CYCLOPS He called me his cyclops— —-and then he said LIKE GET OUT WHAT GET OUT OF MY HOUSE WHY CAUSE YOURE JUST A PIÑATA, MAN! And I ain't got time for that! I just got a DeLorean And a new HAT I gotta go get Oof. WRECKED. Yo, Wicked. KENDRICK (TODDLER) WIZARD. Oh my. I'm J00F'd up. | | | trance | | | Look; I gotta get out of this MOTHER OF PEARL do not beach this whale carcas on my warehouse project A what A beached whale I know You brought a beached whale to my fucking rave show Oh I get it It's Avant- Guarde No, that's just how I got here …. Trust me, it's okay that This never happened You did not see me It's because I wasn't there Is this U Ū No I wasn't there. Ü I was. Fuck. What happened. It's ok. All I remember is “The Quatardashians” Hmm Also The indigenous But that's it But mostly that was all just Jesus showing off his flexes Are u fasting? Yes, “Ū” is. So, do you need this?! TRUMPP Get rid of this recording imiidiately GOT IT. kill that bitch. SKRILLEX Yessir. —-but before all that happens. …did you want fries with that?! Why are we boycotting McDonald's —for poisoning —the allies —our enemies. Wait, you're eating this? Yes. Like, for fun, or like? No. This is what I'm feeding my children Why Cause they hungry. Uh, ok— —and there's six of them. Aight, ya'll can each have one nugget with your— I wanted a cheese burger! You git hamburgers. Ham. Cheese costs CENTS; And you know your momma If I ain't about a dollar - A dollop of Daisy You really are Ashamed of his Alright, you evil bastards. I see you want to Cause suffering Correct For which you will eternally recurve damnnation and all of the pain you've caused Karmas a bitch It's lonely at the top Not when you're GOD Get off my rock Did you miss an appointment? Nah, can't do it Why what happened Too high up. Whatchu mean So what, it's just like Done. Well, this is it, huh guys. Oh, yeah, it's that, alright This is the longest ride we ever took.d This is the ONLY ride we ever took. I WANNA GET OFF THIS RIDE. I AM REALLY HIGH UP. JUST LET GO. NO. NO. NO. Put me down, kite!!! KITE wtf do you want me to do. I'm a KITE. I'm YOU FUCKIN KIKE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—- Well, I'll be honest, man, this sets you back, some How far back GET GONE, But? We're dinosaurs. Why would something with razor sharp teeth be so— —peaceful, and friendly?? T-REX …cuddles. I just can't fake the feeling( I can't pretend to cry It just comes, when it does But when the well runs dry That's when the the world will end That's when the world will end After this movie, I guarantee we will no longer need the Wilhelm scream AGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! YAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIGGGHHHHHHH UUUUUUUUUUUUU This movie broke the world record for the amount of times the word “No” was screamed NO NOH. NO. ‘No! NOOOOOOOOOOO! NONONO. NOOOOOOOAAAAAHH …No! Here they all come for her, Defended upon New York In order of important, or appearance? One doesn't wonder, At al, of what's to come Uncommon, we are The call has come TRACY My tummy hurts. That's probably because you've been drinking straight tequila for the last hour and a half. No I haven't! This is water! Tequila is YELLOW, Liz Lemon! No, Tracy—that's silver tequila, And regular tequila is, You know what? Nevermind. Alright, who's got the night shift? [nobody raises their hand, at all] Seriously guys?! Come on! COME ON! Look up WHAM! For some reason, idk. Can we just— not do this? No. Out of my mind a bit Speaking in tongues, In total silence Guess it's the times, I guess that's just who I am And who I am is I said I was Sam I'm the same, I said, “Say Uncle” I guess it's a game, we're playing I don't want to be played with At all I just want to feel loved again By someone else Superb, like him I just want to be felt, I guess By someone else That's “Different” I just want to be kissed on the lips A splendid blend of Twisted trysts Let's not pretend It hasn't ended yet Until you've finished it Class dismissed again Let me off of it I just want it to stop Keep rolling Keep rolling your eyes in the back of your head Like you did just morning Just go for a walk Just stop for a moment Run a bath And just keep running Cause here something comes, Of course, It's all your callings Neatly rolling into one, They said But I Just want to be loved again And who doesn't That's the fucked up part I just want to be loved again But nobody ever Just comes up I just want to be loved again It's a walk in the park Don't follow the dog Even if he barks at you It's time to start again I wonder what comes after this part You are the gleaning in the shadows, The reckoning in my eye, The siren in my silence; The green in all the lights, I am a shamed to have just been One of your many One of your many Images, You still have me twisted, I miss you, It's just you, at the end, Again I left you where you left me Solid on solid Sounds are invalid now How are you so Swore by your awesome No more songs, I said No more songs, he's dead to me No more songs! She's inlisted He's uninterested, Isn't this interesting The problem is: I'm still in love with Everyone i've ever been in love with (And I love him) But he doesn't remember my Name And he's famous And she's crazy And he hates her But he made me hate him The day I became you The day I became So famous, I finally made it I'm dead It smells like dill in here At least it doesn't smell like dead mouse. Aha. Youre Hellen. Keller or Mirin How would you be Hellen Miren Cause I'm the Queen. posh. You want to die Well, you better do it quick Better get your shit toggether, paint a l Bigger, better picture Bitter Betty gliching steady Just remember when you're ready Ever steady still forgetting dinner Dessert was already Forget this significance Remind me why I'm on this speeding bullet to nowhere Had no other options but to go under for something Shy, sickness it's a secret Just kill me already Semi robotic, Something like a magnet, attracted, Simply symphonies And soulless bodies, tied to money Wonder what was in the vaccum cleaner meaning What did you suck up, dude Who do you suck up to. When nobody loves you But your own son And the audience is robots Nothing really works more than once, if it's really magic Sit and do nothing would you Like you're supposed to Fall over like the mannequin you are Just a body in my count A mattress without a bespost, if it matters If it matters Doesn't really matter But hey, you know We all go downtown every once or twice a note For Hanukkah I could try to be nice But there's no sense in it, Is there If everything and everyone else is just as nasty As the rest of it Just is just a test, again A doctors office visit. Simple robotics, Or already stocked up for Hanukkah, Hollywood Where's your homeland deposit box Closet full of robots Closest to the moon, I wrote another poem for you Sorry that I wasn't on the offering table The parakeet, pigeon and pirated Slattery, Damages, damages, All with the Amazon packages, Now we're all robots, Aren't we What corporation to you belong to! Something corporate , or say anything Whose to say Jeff Besoz won't replace us With m robots with thought processes, If once such could project as such presence As an AI freestyle Meanwhile, I've got a butload of buckets and bunts, Bullletwounds, eyes on Manhattan and happens to wish something bad upon me When all I wanted is Somebody to love me And someone to love him, If that's what he wanted (But who knows if what he wanted was all of the bodies opposite of him) I don't belong on this planet I belong in the garbage Put me on mars, mom Stop it, You're almost a robot, get out of my peripheral With your mental illness Geez, I must really want a menorah This is the animal house There's no one alive here Set to be slaughters. Honor the box of offerings as Thoughtful words And parallels What could be under your tongue Is the surface of love Just to touch with the battery acid or chemical trails You have left in your axis Nobody knows better than this How close it is to touching Without being loved But nobody loves you Psychotron, sure we're all robots now Nobody loves anymore {Previously, On…} L E G E N D S The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū {Enter The Multiverse} Ascension What the FUCK did you DO? What did I do?! You know what you did! I didn't do anything! Oh yeah? No! Not on purpose! GODDAMMIT, YOU SON OF A— Where's Jimmy Fallon?! What?! I don't know! Oh no. Oh shit, run. Oh no. What in the FUCK— I am “the fuck” You know what. I'm gonna sue the everliving shit out of you. For WHAT. We'll see. Fuck. Uh oh. FUCK. What now? What this time? Apparently, Jimmy Fallon is missing. What the fuck does that got to do with me. We'll see. Okay, great, Now finish that chapter. What fucking chapter?! All of it. That's—a lot. I want all of it. By my desk, by noon tomorrow. “By” your desk?! Yes, BY. Not ON. I've got too much stuff on my desk— …but it's…like 9 o clock. Should be easy, given your natural talents. What natural talents. PEACOCK. AHAHAHAHA. Okay. Well. Well what. This sucks. I lost all my coins. Hey. Ugh. You dropped this. So how was Los Angeles. What the fuck. You fucking DICK. I told you, I own shares in this. So what's the plan for this, exactly. I dunno, Harry. I got a book of stamps, And a yellow envelope marked “Jimmy Fallon” I will hate you forever. Well, that's retarded. I haven't even smited you yet. I will annihilate you, human. WHERE'S MY SHIT. Who the fuck are you, anyway? Nobody! No one. No one cares about this series, yo. I'l seriously doubt that, Jesse Pinkman. What is this stuff. It's your stuff. This is not what I ordered— Hey— Why is it BLUE Cause it is. So. WHY IN THE— Mischief managed. Alright. This should be good for the night, but we gotta get out of here by morning; I thought your parents owned this place. It's a time share! So? So it's like only —part of the time. That is stupid. No! You're stupid! You're the one who got us into this mess. It's your mess, I was just cleaning it up! Whatever! Stop trippin. Nobody's “tripping.” That's it. I'll be a stripper. Straight outta hell, that kid. Don't I know it. Alright, fine. I said, whatever you do— DONT watch this show. Stuff it, J. Slatts. I'll kill you with my eyeballs Sounds like a threat. Put on a lawsuit, then. Maybe I oughtta… —with a bow tie. You'll look so pretty. I thought I was already pretty. Uh huh. Yeah, look, so honestly I don't know if I'll ever be on the same vibration as like, Jimmy Fallon and them, ok? I don't know how I did it; I don't know what did it, It just happened and then— And then WHAT. It just—ended. Just like that. I'm not trying to offend anybody here. Just like that. Now, I ask: What are we going to do to sell you this dream? Doesnt matter what you do, I'll never believe it. Sure, fine; Don't believe it— We're gonna make you live it. Who the hell us “we” anyway? Now you're speaking in my cadence— Don't flatter yourself I like it. Too late, I guess. So, you see We're building Power triangles And love squares Power triangles And love squares Don't let it scare you, There's love there Don't let it scare you, There's love there Never fear where love has dared To call you up there Corrupt file—no fair. Don't be suprised even the odds seem to turn in your favor, I promise you; Nobody's ever ready For what has just happened here. WAKE UP, FUCKER. Ugh, I can't go through this again. So, I guess I'll have to erase, Or just secretly publish Everything I've ever written About my actual experience as a color, Just so that I can earn money As anything other than A slave— A maid, A housekeeper, A dog walker Or servitor So far under her, That I can't see far enough up to just Scratch the surface Her birthright: The entire network And mine, To sit under her, Wondering what the world would be like At the other end of the spectrum The word form of the White woman The wicked witch of all directions, In which I stand in; I'm at her mercy I've been abandoned before But this disservice, is, I'm afraid The best advice I can take is just To go straight to the bank with my angst and my hatred And shove it So here comes the nameless Face I love, Yet, The faceless God, Was Intoxicated, at best— Manipulation of the Mass Media I'm so Seriously jaded In this torture chamber In my corner office In this hall of racists, I claim, but if all is One in the same Then It's one in the same And I'm mainstream I'm famous If it's One in the same Then It's one in the same If it's One in the same Then I'm mainstream I'm so famous In a whole room full of humans I'm groomed to be useful for something, But what? It just hasn't come yet. I could sit down with a paper and pen, But I'm filling up all of my documents With hollandaise and God For what? It's just another song, or something Or something. It's just another — Goddamnit it, more coughs again. I told you not to watch this. Why do I taste pancakes? Maybe you're having a stroke again. Chyeah, a stroke of genius. I'll show you a stroke. Or don't. Well, there goes the captain. where is that scene, anyway? I don't know, I just wrote it. Great, she left the door open. She's got no furniture! It's a “dance floor” It's “the black box” she called it “the black box” Goddamn, do you listen to all her stuff? “Fear stimulates my imagination” Pilot ASOT Fuck man, What is a woman to a man, And an androgynous genius to The industry, or anyone at all If all are foes ans frauds All else is toxic! I woke up with one hand tucked behind my back Feeling dead drunk, I just woke up again But never fell asleep What world am I in? The end of the Dream sequence The end of the energy keeping me between three things: My past, My future And these prequels, Sequels And seeing arrangements And She's going crazy But nobody quite understands That these demons are chasing me saying “You deserved those hands in your face” The scratches on Kayla's back should have had me but I was too fat To find love again And still have something Wonderfully, undone And wrong with me Wrong with me enough to slam poetry So I'm guessing the white women I love beyond words and bounds are— In charge of whatever happens At the top of the rock; So I jumped off. I want to see someone suffer for all that I've done; No, that's dark, and karmic, you know— To go on like that; The confusions and refusal to accept that The album is called ChaosMagick, But the cover is more Urgent, A prose or a pawn of protection Against all the coughs And the reckless mismanagement The hands in my head And the eye on my scar And the lies on my heart So tell me, What happens When you're flying a kite with your heart, And it's broken? What happens to the kite , When you fly it with your heart And your art up in bundles— heartbroken, heartbroken So what come of Miss May, Come January? What come of Miss April By Next December what comes of the words I was saying For no one But everyone heard them And I've been gone Much longer than months, But still stocked up on all that I've wanted Or all that I got Or just, all that I love But got no undercovers to acknowledge no more How right I was Or how wrong I am What come of Miss June, when Miss January comes around? what come now, around August, When March is long forgotten? What comes of the drugs, Of the come ups, and come downs What comes of the process When nothing is served But the surf has come up Somewhere And I just can't love enough To go there I want to go to there I want to be that girl I want to sit at the top of the rock Writing songs, and sipping mock cocktails I want to Don't you know I just want to get back to Where I belong I'm so out of money and love That I want to be Under the train, When it's coming (Sometimes it's just the impulse that says “GO” Then the train starts to slow And my pain bubbles up into a numb, Dumb, crumbling cluster of poetry You know? Or you don't Cause you're all just on your phones Scrolling Some black man stands over me, Reminding me of why I never trust the ones Who want me most, Or just assume, By color code, That I belong to them I'm sorry, I just can't write with your arms around my neck like this Your heart around my arms like this It's so wholesome I had other verses but forgot them They took away my movies for the curses And the hexes That they put on me I said don't. And the king said “Heads will roll” Cause, you know; I've got parts for all of them now, The ones I'd forgotten But come from the catacombs, Back from the conduit You know, This is awful I had another one, But lost it. The king?! Which one. Teas I! No, it wasn't, It was Gían's father, From further off Should I call John back? Which one? Turns out, I love all of them— Turns out, I've got all of them In my college I taught them all to be someone Becoming of acknowledgement With nombres most common Juan, in subcultures, but Beyond that (Or above them) It's John, Or just Jonathan, Watch the ones who drop the consanant; They're always so troublesome, But I took them all up As understudies, Social Studies and some theatrics, Joan of Ark said Two more moments (Two more weeks in) I could have a body worthy Of a Grammy award, but — Would I be a writer then? Probably not, hon— Writers are Off a bit. If you were pretty, ever at all— would you have written this?! If I were pretty at all would there be reason to be this Conflicted? Some of those old New York hallways Haven't been painted In ages Since they made them Don't make that face at me I only dropped my key once On the fourth floor —they're horrible, you know To us, The “brothers” know no love They are destruction, speaking Of this, I got a cold heart. Cold like the robber Cold like the calling I've done in my corner office cold, like the jello mold forming a thought process Worthy enough I might love it like a husband We're re-evaluating your circumstances. Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. I've got friends at USPS What the fuck could that even account to. Look, I'm gonna have to give this some serious considerations. It's not that serious. It's not that serious. Of course it is! I'm up to my knees in investments! So?! I wade a waiste deep, Surely you can get by “Up to your knees” What exactly do you need? Money. And lots of it. I mean, from me. Money. Really? Leave me alone. I told you not to write this. You're a voice in my head; No, I'm the hand in your mailbox. What in the fuck do you believe in. I believe in everything! They said you were a genius; I didn't expect you to be —at the very least, lucid— *squints* learn some new vocabulary, okay? For what? Dinner. Maybe. We're still in the process of voting. She's crazy. We'd be crazy not to actually hire her. Her accounts are all practically open; We could just take it. Yeah, and when she kills herself, and there's no blood on our hands— There's nothing that can be done about the amount of this stuff that's already printed! Printed?! What?! You mean— She's published? Self-published. My, what a beautiful happenstance To have already had you And awakened atop mattresses Marked for my assassins hand— Polite, I lost you All of us, Atop the rock We stood and suffered Months beyond a montage, Undercover Love was lost, And all's uncertain The interception of God, At the cost of What terror and cutbacks Have caused us all What you lost was $50, a Hallmark Card, an Academy award, a long lost star's phone number, And all that you wanted, The cock of the gun Was the sound that you wondered What was called , then ran off into wonder. How am I gonna make money And become an award winning songwriter Music producer And multidisciplinary artist, Without all the funding it takes to get noviced Without taking clothes off Wake up 10 years younger I'm suffering My stomach was a rubber band My stomach was a rubber band My only song was Water I forgot to stop For the applause I drowned in all the love; right then and there I died of Lovenessness [The Festival Project] The sound and laughter of children play A baby in a basket The basket case at Trader Joe's Who know what happens It just doesn't pull my heartstrings any longer That my son belongs without his mother So I'd better have another This is us, come on. Don't do this to me. Don't do this, Timmy, you'll be sorry. Come on! We're not even in that movie! We are, though; it's still Listen, you've got the right guy for this. Are you sure. Yeah, I promise. Officers, Stop for a *movement [hot cops flash dance number] Fuck, well, that was all wrong. But worth it! What I meant was— God, this show gets good at 31, But I'm only 22, So I guess I'll know how wrong the war was Once we've lost it, Cause imm a man now The episode is over, Soon comes the next episode With snoop dogg, Or not That was our wedding album. Scatterbrained, and pregnant— There she was just putting all the things together That she needed to be Needed To be needed. There she was, All on 4/20 Trying not to do the wrong thing, But what was it? To be loved. Then, There she was at 21 just going off again At some event— A friend, and her Back then could not imagine They'd become him To be someone. Not as one, But of entirely another World apart, aside from Cyclones into snow cones Turns the watchers into artists All their own, And off my own accord Or own account Or done with boredom Dove soap Open doors And clocks that turn the other hand away, Each day you love Manhattan But can't have that. That's it— This is just Season 1 of Mad Men WHERE THE FUCK IS— [she throws her hands above her head in surrender] I don't KNOW! Oh, you're a girl now?! I guess! What's with those pants, then? To hide the assets! What assets?! You look tragic. I'm going for ‘skeleton' to match all your wives and everybody else on the red carpet Who said you get the red carpet? Manhattan. That guy lies! Well how about this: The walk of stars were carved out in blocks of marble All in my honor. 1000/1 You're our God, now. What! I don't want to be God! SUCK IT UP. YOU WON. I don't wanna! Yaaaaaaayyy. You got the award! All the awards! Speech! Speech! SUNNI BLŪ Uh—- I'm drunk, And there's nothing on the teleprompter [a man in the audience coughs] A-HEM. [Sunni Blū immidiateky shoots the coughing man] [multi-camera shots of celebrity audience reactions; laughing, clapping in hilarity as if someone hasn't just died] TAYLOR SWIFT (unmoved at all) SUNNÏ BLŪ I don't know why you're laughing. That was awful. That guy died [audience is insane, super fake as usual] [more cut takes] SUNNÏ BLŪ It should have been you, Taylor. TAYLOR SWIFT (Still unaffected) SUNNI BLU Anyway. I'd like to thank the academy… Cause I am the academy [Audience is celebrities being celebrities] SUNNI BLU You guys are all idiots: I'm a go f*ck myself— And anyone else who wants to show up At my afterparty. Whatever. Peace. [cheesy academy award music plays—Sunnï knocks over the mic, peaces out obnoxiously; the audience cheers wildly and the host returns to the stage.] Who's the host? Whatever. Hey, better than nothin. You're telling me. yeah. I know: Oh, she's a comic? Yeah. I got it. BOB SAGET Ooh, that's good. Ū No—no my God. No Bob Saget, stop it! Wait, Bob Saget is dead right? Last I recall: Fuck—FUCK! Dammit. Dammit, dammit. Okay, Rue— you're up. Rue, what in the— Shhhh, don't let them know I'm in here! Oh, wait— It's me, Blanche. That's hot. I'm a debutant. My god, you're so young. Here, take this, What's that, You'll need that. V.O. I'm being hunted by the ghost of Bob Saget. *haunted. No, hunted! There she is! Grab her! Ooh, Bob Saget. Why, yes. How old are you? Not dead yet! You don't have to kidnap me, I'll happily go with you, sir. Really? Yes. GET IN THE— NOH, GET IN THE VAN. INT. IN THE VAN. [a bunch of hot male celebrities are in the van] Oh. Okay. Wow. That was easy. What is it, Friday. It's Friday and a half. Friday.5 What. There's a Friday movie between 1 and 2 So I guess this is season 8.5 I guess this is season 8.5 HEY, GET BACK HERE. What is this. It's your lunch. I don't want this. Well, okay. What— is this strange music— They call it dubstep Come on, Jimmy, you're slipping Kimmel, cause Fallon is dead or presumed missing Probably Skrillex Probably a bounty on his head, Dog willing The Festival Priojects Inclement Infinite Is coming up next, on Legends Come on Jim, KEEP UP. Nobody can know about this, okay? Wait, where's Kimmel Okay, I got O'Brien— Black Irish Bastard… Alright, Alec Baldwin is a little tied up, right now, but LEMON, Fuck. That's l—future me. What?! I gotta go, okay?! What? Go where. Let's get DRUNK. No, That's—I got a show tonight What?! Look at my lexicon. Your—what, Meet me on Lexington. Oh, this pussy is finished! I got it, I got it! He's LENNONNNNN!! JOHN LENNON Fuck. Look, I gotta go. John Lennon?! You're dead! Funny, I thought not. Watch this. MOOOOOOOOOOOM. Fuck, What, It's my kid. I gotta go. Wait, you have kids?! Well, I just had you, didn't I? “The mayor” is a secret underground rap star lol #trappin Okay, What's else happened Idk hold on Okay, So whats the sauce on this sandwich. Oh. Jeez, this again. That *sandwhich? Hah. There's no sauce on that sandwhich. —there's not!? No: You see. It's very simple. WAKE UP, YOU'RE A ROCKSTAR. we gotta take the train. The train?! NO. NOTTHETRAIN. NO. Man, fuck the train! [SUNNI BLŪ wakes up on the train.] What's this, the train? [is the train] (Angrily, tossing newspaper) Man, FUCK the train! Other hobo: Aww, thanks, I need that for my— [s/he snatches back the paper]. Wait! I need that back—what day is it? [drunkenly illegible gibberish turns into perfect Hebrew] GODDAMMIT, it's Shabbat; I gotta get to Temple. [s/he shoves the newspaper back into the hobo's lap] Here. Oh no, I thought I couldn't forget RABI FUCK _]€_# WHAT WAS IT GODDAMIT IT WAS SO CLEVER. God So it was… What did you do with it? Do with what My idea what idea My—my rabbi joke— What rabbi joke you know what rabbi joke! You were the one who gave it to me. Oh, did I? YES, SATAN, JESUS. GOD Ohh, Satan-Jesus. I like that one. NO— it was— It was much better than that, it was— It was funny. Oh, it was? YES. —did you write it down? Fuck, I realize I just opened a A FUCK PORTAL. OHH, GET IN IT, GET INSIDE. I had an Artemis in my pocket But I lost him Walked away from the cornermarker And the cornerstone, for the sunset I wonder if songs always come When I'm walking, Or God makes us promises, For world of I'm not JB, I'm KG, Can you see me now? If you could see what I see, We'd be even wtf did I just write this And not realize I just wrote this Yeah. That shit happens to me all the time. WHAT. ALL THE TKMEx Shut up, THE ANDRE3K CHARADES GAME is getting intense. What in the FUCK is that. *flutes* Ohh. And KITES. yyyyyYYYYYYYAAAAAHHH—— GODDAMMIT. I can't see really, I just dream I'm not thinking, I'm dancing This is what you asked for Exactly what you asked for For once, I'm finally glad I have your eyes on My friend I can see you all on the horizon, Singing NO, NO MORE MUSICALS!! Jimmy, what did you do?! I don't know what I did! You lyin bastard. I'm not lying! So, where ya from? —I don't know where I'm from. Listen, I'm gonna need you SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP. It seems like these scenes are getting shorter. I'm bored with this. Ok. Let's do something else. I fuckin hate you. I hate you. I fuckin hate you. 88. Oh no: 8 Wait, what the— *dolphin* WOAH, okay: Oh, no. No, No, no OHNONO. I told you I'd find him. Anyway. Seems like there's something more important I should be doing. Are you sure this is the right place. Right place. Right time. Fuck— FUCK. What, what happened. I lost my— SKRILLEX! No. SKRILLEX. NO, NO— SKR— I swear to God, Google knows everything. Google don't know shit about SHIT. I gotta lose m 39 lbs. For what. MADONNA DO IT FOR THE BANANAS. I hate— you. COME ON, MISTER. Fuck off, Madonna, I'M A GOD. I miss Beyoncé. That's not relevant. Beyoncé is relevant to everything. *smacks* QUIT FANGIRLING. Trust me, I hate you. I don't trust you, but I believe you. I got it. I hate this place. Holy shit. What. I developed a new phobia. What's that mean?! I don't know, I can probably use it in a fight or something. For what. SPECIAL ABILITY UNLOCKED. I see you looking over my shoulder I see the shadows, I try not to jump at em. I spent six months in a coffin, you know I spent my life a sarcophagus (Wow, I got it right.) Try not to mutter those haunts in a hospital Try to recover from trauma Uncovered post traumatics, Anxiety attacks and a lot of those— What do you call them? A flashback. Here goes one: SONNY MOORE aka SKRILLEX appears. I told you not to— But I did! I didn't mean to! But you did! This is ludachris! Oh look, it's— Fuck. God dammit. Come on! What's his name!? What's his name?! I'll think abo it it. Are you serious? Another shapeshifter? Yes, I guess welll just have to kill them all, then. I just want to go home. You don't have one. …oh. So here we have. Okay, wait a second. I wasn't faking my symptoms at all, actually. My heart had dropped, and been pounding and fluttering insessantly— It had been a hard week, but especially the last three days; The coughing—. Everyone seemed to be wearing clothing with stars or bears on it, Champion sportswear. I fucking hate champion sportswear. But the palpitations were real as ever— and now— On a Saturday night in the Jamaica, Queens medical center emergency room, There they were again. Only this time I knew exactly why. ‘Too Bizzare' by Skrillex begins to play, via Complications 003- The Trauma Method. Irony. It was ironic, but still startling, Started with some nostalgic traumas, Every other time I saw an ER doctor (Why I don't go) Fuck, I just realized I have to airdrop myself 880 times. That fucking sucks. Did you say you were a doctor? I was, once. When is “once” At some point. Listen, I'm gonna need you to backtrack to get to the bottom of this. I'm innocent, I promise! We caught you at 27 different angles doing this. Oh. [beat] I plead the 5th. Ohh. Cerulean. My favorite. c R A Y On Oh, I get it, I L L U M I N A T U S. Nice, it worked. I know everything about you. So you do. [beat] You're a God. What the fuck do you want from me. Listen. I. Am not. A God, Right. That's exactly what a God would say. No they wouldn't! Because a God wouldn't say anything! AHA. Don't ‘AHA' ME. I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back It don't matter to me, now Now and again I go crazy just making arrangements, But besides that, If you like it, you should have it It's a long road, As Kaskade says, And a short dance, With the right one And time goes by I would call it mild, But actually I'm in a wild panic It might be a heart attack I just might even Die right here But I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me I don't mind—at all It don't matter to me, I said I don't mind, at all, now It really don't matter to me I said, I don't mind, at all It really don't matter to anyone Now does it (Not it doesn') I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back Palpitations and precipitations at the pulpit Preacher, please don't make me a culprit I been prayin— I been paying my tithes, 10% Even, Now 25, Almost half of me is not mine! Why try? I've been walking out, in straight lines I been crying silently It ain't right I been making most of my nights Sometimes I see sun come up twice Up, down up 10 degrees, It ain't right Up down up 33, it ain't right Up, down, up I've been spending my time Down, up, down Riding round, Trying not to down in my mind Up, down up What is this. It's my project. What is it? The Festival Project. Yeah but—what— What. Is it? …it's my project. *painfully infuriated* Okay, enter here. EXAM ROOM 10 Why exam room 10? Because. Where are the other nine? Just—get in. I'm not going in there! JUST GET IN. UGH. DEADMAU5 (head and all) stands at a tall podium in the center of the room) What is this, This is deadmau5. I know that. —-!!! —?!? What. !!! What? This is the exam? Yes! NO. What is “no”. I'm not playing for deadmau5. That's the exam. Then I fail! Automatic Fail? yes. Automatic fail. Then you win. What. *slams gavel* Congratulations—you're the next superstar DJ. WhY. . What. Woohoo! I just retired! DEADMAU5 exits. … … After a few moments of comic tension, the Deadmau5 head rolls back in through the exit which he has taken. Ugh. Fuck this. No matter what you do, you're a superstar DJ. What. No! Yes. The answer is yes. NO. Fuck. What the FUCK. No matter what you do. You want to go, Go, you want to die, Die, you want to try, try You want to cry, cry Do what you want; As so will I, Demand is demand— Supply is supply. EDX So then, I followed this long hallway under the stage deck. Uh huh. And it led to a door— Uhhuh, where'd the door lead? To a portal. Woah. Pasqualle! You made it! I—yes. Congratulations! *blows party horn* *Daisies/ confetti* You're like 25! I'll be 25 forever. Nice! Yeah. I guess that's why it's called ‘music'—a musician without muses is just useless. ‘Well, whose next?' I wondered. All of my muses were not just so wonderful to me, but adored by many—and perhaps this is what allured me most—befuddled ans confounded me; once my mind was set on something, there was nothing else its eye could see—and for how long one God could only know, how deep the love would go and that the blood would run deep, and the scars to show for it, only upon my heart and never by soul—for a love was a love, and even once came and gone, to the end of my life I knew I would still ponder upon them, at one time or another, my muses—star studded lovers, rather than crossed, shiny and golden like all diamond and trophies so treasured and thought of as precious. ‘Yes, you are—precious.' Another tongue in cheek thought, for the other that I was, and also was not, as summer drew onward as short as it would come and go—a reminder to leave the apartment more often, and to mind my manners, to find the upper echelon wherever it was and come quietly into its doors, to open my world and wordform of thought, into a place where my heart always was; then, and only then, would I be home. Amongst the men and women of the uppercut and classy, luxurious big fishing ponds and flocks of doves upon olive branches—the peaceful world long parted from where mine was, by only the fault of my own. What had been done just certainly was, and yet, what was to come was an open poem, not of mine, but Godform in thought. ‘I wonder what's at the top of Rockefeller Plaza.' —perhaps, a gander at the bottom of an even larger entertainment complex. Then, again, only God would know what was beyond all that I wanted; a job—and not just any job at all— the one that I had always wanted. Mmm. Birthday cake. Suddenly the taste of a white confetti crème filled my mouth with a delicious remnince of what it might be like to taste a confectionary sugar again—but i couldn't imagine ever making it just on talent and charisma alone—no. Indeed, it seemed something had damaged my charm, and perhaps it was just the swarms and droves of phone controlled masses that saw me as nothing more than dust, I had started to surrender my desire to perform, and the quality of my music—along with my ability to make it, suffered with the awful thing that had been crowding my soul at all—whatever it was, evil and dark in nature, sure saw to it that it wanted to hurt me in all the ways that it could—and in all the ways it could not, I stayed away from most others, favoring my delusions of love. ‘Nobody seems to understand that the pain they cause will only harm themselves.', I thought Younger souls, however, they were—and they would be kept in the pain that I was in one way or another until eventual death, far behind me on the infinite road to the source. Far enough behind, that it seeked to destroy my progress, and for all that it could, it also couldn't. The infliction of pain would simply not act as a measure for control any longer. Off into my own world, where I was at least free from the thoughts and judgement of others. She's the most beautiful girl, And I'm the most beautiful boy; So naturally, we belong together, don't we? I see a pretty picture, Picket fences and a family Golden Retrievers Someone relieve her; She doesn't believe me TV dreams and exquisite pretty people Burning candles, fire flames and frequent figures, Guest characters and cameos, Repeat offenders, multiple appearances Suddenly, really, it's another need People, people pleasers Audience affection, Tragic endings, Butterflies and new beginnings Gun under my tongue, Rubber like a frog My mind is in a fog Haven't bothered going on a walk To Trader Joe's but The anthem of my youth, A lost soul Another form of my love So what I wonder Put the gun up under my chin Rubber like a frog Blow my head off Just cause I didn't blow up Selfish cunt Big brother, Another hypnotist Little brother, Gotta love him Gotta love em For the Love of God I could stop for a moment Wash my mind out with soap Like I'm ten years younger, even Seriously 20 years between us, You can't even hide underwater In a bathtub Seriously, Someone help us For the love of God, for the love of Hollywood Seriously, Someone love us, For the love of God, For the love of Rockefeller Plaza Someone help us Another possible walk of stars A little shop of horrors Another whole story I get rid of my demons The hoes screamin I put semen in her Permanent like semen, Just keep dreamin I'mma just keep preaching SaMo, Brooklyn Europe Next I keep scheming Whoever you are; If you're a wreck— You need a check No respect, neglect Just cover your neck (I'm blind to my own design, sometimes) That's what the eye is Try this: Close your eyes and say thrice, kids I am the God of the eye, Osiris I am the God of the Eye, I'm Osiris I am the God, I walk amongst the highest Thoth, You lost Better just die and keep trying I am the God of the eye, I am (Try this) I am the God of the eye (I never die) I am the God of the eye (That's right, three times) I am the God of the eye No black and white television, In my dimension we pay attention to centrifugal, The mission isn't in materialism, Whatever youre spending If money the God, l of your eye, Realize, I am higher My gunfire, Is right on the back of The one dollar I am the God of the eye I Am Your money is nothin to us We come in peace, To end suffering Pretty little nigga Look just like Kendrick Kickin it with jigga I'm the new higs boson Part of me never left Boston (Fuck Starr!) Part of me never left homeless This ain't my home It's my office You never heard this song You don't notice I'm an ugly kid, you don't notice me Rooftop smells like soy sauce On god I am ugly You don't notice -Atari the God Can we get back to this, please? Damn. She really whooped her ass, though. Janet, can I borrow you for a second? No. Please. [Whoopi Goldberg appears in the doorway, gesturing “c'mon”] …alright. I got convictions on my lips, I took a picture Turn the page The worst of all was, it really did seem like they were racists— INSOMNIAC EVENTS Not just racists— the most deadly kind of racists. WHITE SUPREMACISTS You really want it this way, don't you? No! I LOVE you! Oh, do you? If there's a mile in here, I swear to god.. Are you high enough yet? I thought so HIGHER! hire star* What. Just do it. You remember these guys, right? GOOD CANNABIS, FAIRBANKS, ALASKA No. Why are we back here. Alright, we might have fucked up. Why. This guy sucks. HEY. What. COME BACK TO ALASKA never that. WHAT, WHY NOT! GOD HATES FAGS!!! Well, you're wrong! WHITE POWER. Nah. ALL LIVES MATTER O rly? Even this guy? Literally every “NO” …so, “all lives.” Look, I don't care what color it is; I want that book in my library. GO TO THE LIVRARY. NO. GET IN HERE. NO AUBREY. STAY DEAD. She's dead, right? YOU CALLED ME HERE. I didn't! You Did. I did not, all i said was *swoons* …I love her. (I really do) WHAT?! “I Love you?!” It was more the *swoon* that did it. Disconnect. Fuck, I lost deadmau5 again What'd you do to him? Nothing! Put him back! He's still there! He's right there, you see him? No! This isn't deadmau5. We want deadmau5. bring him BACK. Fuck, I fucked up. What'd you do? …nothing? Pick up the phone Pick up the phone …hello? Who IS this? Fuck it, I quit. Man, God never puts my dishes back in the right place, like ever. I told you, I don't live here, I'm just… Babysitting. CC! What! CC! What? CC WHAT. Fuck, man. That was wild. Where the fuck have you been? I don't know. You don't know—you smell funny. “Funny” is that what that smell is? No. When were you? When? Ha. Did you—- Did I what? —did you go to a party without me? Lmfao fuck these niggaz. Why, what happened. What's this. Where was it?! Idlewild. “IdLeWiLd”?!?!? You. Old. One here and die, you know, l. It's cattle call for curtain calls guy Where did this go— What was this, once? It's the return Welcome to Oz This is the Tower of Babel Remember; I wrote that Better than the bottom, Still not the top —it's not as fast, when it's not going all the way up Did you jump yet Come around more Keep coughing Are you sure this is where it was or—? Somewhere else I stayed Back when I was homeless It's hopeless! We lost her Antenna, antenna SUPERMARKET I loved her —she was undercover —I'm still in your stirrups I'm lost in New York, then BACKFIRE Adele remix is on [have a seat] Can I go now? I still need a hat, a half dollar and an alter cloth You could win an award for this; I don't want an award, I just want my son back Motherhood, motherhood Brotherhood, brotherhood This isn't one of us! No one was No one was Can I go now? Where to? Home! Nope, that's just the office, I'm still homeless, unless I They got cabanas on top of offices! (The rich and the famous) Networking and brunches— _this looks fun, doesn't it? I altered the course of history In brief exchanges and Various social atrocities This is hypocrisy! lol rly This is hypocrisy!! Hyper awareness and, psychic inclinations… You realize the more low quality people you let in The more low quality this country becomes, don't you? I put a roll in the back of the chosen ones. Used to be cast more, Now something seldom ever happens Such as this— A fun Fortune 500 What does that even mean Forbes. Look it up. What if the policy is Foreign; Look it up. I know enough about the girl next door to know Something is horrible, Something inside of her Rots at the core, Her obsession; My undeservedness of such, What she must, I mustn't, just Unjustice Broski, okay I got to discard All the pichardo Besides just this one (I'm standing on top of you) Put somebody worthy on the fourth floor Worse off, I was done for Before I got to New York What's her for?! I know enough about the man upstairs to know All these glares and “How dare you's” and Hatred says Why would you wait 30 years Until today, I guess Something is certainly off about her. I said yes. It was more probably something like “SUCK MY DICK” What. “YOU HEARD ME” Oh yes, I did. From 1990 to 1993 From 1990 To 1993 From 1990 To 1993 Stop breeding these things, “Love is familiarity” No Love is what you make it But you can't Because of slavery They don't make music —they don't make love either Well, look where your lust took you! Nowhere! Exactly! Look where your love took you: Vegas, Los Angeles, South of the Border Above it a New Yorker— Under budget, Celibate and My arms are too short to jump the turnstyle, Meanwhile My ex husband left permanent scars on My face My lips My arms My hands And my heart. Did you bite him? Of course I bit him, he was strangling me. You definitely won this fight. I know. Look, if I don't call for security, This bitch is gonna make me kill her. OCTOPUSSY NO. What. NO. Stankass. I will KILL this bitch. Look, I gotta get ahead in this. I need a WIN. These are customs. Trash. Wash your pussy. Send her back. Nah, you know what. Remove that hex. Wait, what, really?! Yeah, like; Reverse it. Woah. That's crazy. They got like….white slaves now. That's not right. What do you mean. That's not it. You said “reverse it” This is what the white supremacy just did to everyone else: [world in crisis except for for people who look like Kayla Lauren, to whom EVERYTHING is a fucking crisis, that isn't] BECKY/KAREN/WICKED WITCH OF WHITE AMERICA I AM OFFENDED I'm offended that you signed your like 12 year old daughter up to pose nearly nude, but— Hey look, it's us now; is this freedom?! Uh…. Why are all the female models like 12 and all the male models are fully grown men— Or women. Right. Idk. Wait, I do. You do?! Wait. Something tells me all the pedophiles and all the white supremacists are in the same group… Run the same businesses— Have the same families. This is disgusting Okay, this is gross That's not right ! That's not my job! Oh, it's not!!? NO. Who should I call That guy. So you want this? Oh, it's a death curse?! It will NEVER end. Wanna bet. I'll kill you and take the whole world with me. Now that's a threat. Thing is, I'm actually making it. I'm telling on you! Ok. Wait 30 years though so you look and sound REALLY fucking stupid. Ok. 30 YEARS. Doesn't make sense. What's the statute of limitations for— Hm. Depends. Depends on what. Who are you?! WHO ARE YOU?! NOBODY YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT. THEN WHY DO I? wtf is this? This is Texas being petty. Ok, fuck ya‘lol YAW. I'm serious, wtf is wrong with you. Something. What. Fix me. Fix you. Hm. Ok. *COUGHING* Somethings wrong here. Yep, it's definitely some kind of FIX IT. Where's this ROCK? At the ROCK. Like, where tho?! Ur gonna need this. What. They r crucifying u. Noted. Hunts Point Food Distribution Center Lmfao I need this word hold on “eliminating redundancies, setting strict timelines, and allowing cases to proceed contemporaneously” [ Finally, recognizing the danger that social media poses to young people and mental health, New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene Commissioner Dr. Ashwin Vasan today issued a Health Commissioner's Advisory identifying unfettered access to and use of social media as a public health hazard, just as past U.S. surgeons general have done with tobacco and firearms.] A win. I don't play dead. What do you call this: DIE! DIE, BITCH! Corrections. I still don't understand how this— ACID HAPPENS. Out of sight Out of mind So why these guys Tryna waste my time Tryna fuck with my mind with All these lights OH MY GOD I ain't got time for that Well, Maybe I do— I just Don't like NIGGAZ LIKE YOU. (Say what) I don't like Niggaz like U! I'm Sunnï Blū! You're stupid Oh, so he put a curse on sunni blu, too? Ok. Cool. When all my aliases come up This dumb motherfucking drunk Is gonna get stuck In his own woods He'll bury himself In the words that he left With the scars In the words that he left With the scars Sunni blu Is the sayer of stars I slaughtered them all Swallowed them whole Like a big black hole I'm a big black god I'm a big black God Fuck Twinkle that broad One punch girl One punch girl 5 punch faggot I'll unwrap flags on your Goddamn Fuck that Put a curse on my alter ego Lucky he's a he, tho I blow holes in em I blow smoke And love sausage I'm a hedon And he not a Hero He broke He lost I'm open Shirts vs skins I got 666 Curses to show you What your words did IM RA I'm a big black God You're at home with the young apostle Let's be honest He never even liked his father So turned him to a mother, Told his mother to ‘run far, And bring back The life that I want' I'm a big black God In light skinned clothing You don't know to explode Or explode on me Cause my mommy's a Dark skinned icon That my God Find something to pass the time, God Sunni with I, huh I won Fuck a pedophile wifebeater Bury him in the woods with his fury Fear me, now I'm coming up with reverse curses And cures Cause my words Bought the whole world Buried you in the woods I'll bury you in the woods, Bitch Very good I'm a big black God -Blū. GOD is the GOAT I just became god I do what I want I get what I want when I want it I don't want no problems Me myself and God only I buy everything I used to steal These tears in my heart say I'm healing What's the difference, anyway? I've never been fit for your interests, or industry Add insult to injury Add everything to my Amazon cart, then My sympathies Nothing is greater in heaven As it is in hell, for this industry Turned on its head And turned over from 7 to ten Check your messages, then Shut up kid, this doesn't involve you You're not included in the package Michael c hall and John c Riley reprise Mr. Cellophane in the style of DEXTER MORGAN. HA. Classic. GOT EM. V.O. I met her at The Jumping Point {Coming Up…} INT. THE JUMPING POINT POP-UP NIGHTCLUB LOUNGE & BAR. NIGHT “A Long Day's Night” / “A Hard Day's Night” C {CONFUSION SPELL, SUCCESSFUL} [Sequence Initiated.] {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū. {