Podcasts about arlina allen

Hey Friend, in case youre new here, my name is Arlina and Ill be your host. Today youll hear from my friends Lane Kennedy andamp; Tamar Medford, as we discuss their new book Sobriety for Dummies. And in case you had the same reaction to the book title as I did, dont worry, I totally asked them about it. But before we jump in& I just wanted to share something that comes up for a lot of us in recovery, which is seeking external validation andamp; people pleasing. These are actually very common coping mechanisms that develop in childhood. When were growing up, we are dependent on the adults in our lives to take care of our physical and emotional needs. So if you grew up in a home where your needs were not met or the adults were dysfunctional, then we learn to deny our own needs in ways that appease our parents to get our needs met. This can lead to over achieving behaviors, people pleasing, codependency, and a heavy reliance on external validation. What this means is that we have a tough time recognizing and validating our own needs, wants and feelings. I actually wrote an article sharing my experience of how I am healing my own need for validation with some practical tips on how to let go of old destructive habits that I think youll enjoy. You can find the article at odaatchat.com. And in the spirit of cultivating a sense of self-love, follow me on IG for a free 30 day self-love challenge. Just do a search on Arlina Allen. So without further delay, please enjoy this episode with Lane and Tamar. =J

Maybe you or someone you love has struggled with addiction, self-doubt, or the weight of past wounds.   If so, you are not alone—and there is a path to healing.   In this week's You-est You Podcast, I had a deeply moving conversation about addiction, trauma, and self-compassion. My guest Arlina Allen, host of the One Day at a Time Recovery  podcast and author of The 12-Step Guide For Skeptics, shares her raw and real journey from struggling with alcohol and self-worth to finding freedom, healing, and a life filled with purpose.     We dive into: ✨ How childhood experiences shape our beliefs and behaviors ✨ The power of compassion in breaking free from addiction ✨ Why redefining spirituality can be key to healing ✨ The misunderstood truth about the 12-step journey ✨ How to reclaim your power and create a life you truly love     Takeaways Many people struggle with addiction and need support. Childhood experiences significantly shape our adult lives. Seeking approval from parents can lead to unhealthy behaviors. Trauma can manifest in various ways, including addiction. Creating a life you love is essential for recovery. The 12-step program can be beneficial for some individuals. It's important to approach recovery with an open mind. Sharing personal stories can help others relate and heal. Compassion for oneself and others is crucial in the recovery process. Support systems play a vital role in overcoming addiction. Self-esteem issues often stem from early life experiences. Alcohol provided a temporary escape from guilt and shame. Binge drinking led to alter egos and chaotic behavior. Hitting rock bottom prompted a reevaluation of drinking habits. The 12-step program is often misunderstood due to individual experiences. People's experiences in meetings can differ significantly from the program itself. Redefining concepts like God can make recovery more accessible. Powerlessness refers specifically to alcohol, not life in general. A recovery mindset encourages leaning into discomfort for growth. Anger can signal deeper issues that need addressing. Get specific about the cause of resentment. Every relationship has a 50/50 shared responsibility. People are mirrors reflecting our own traits. Self-loathing often stems from fear and survival skills. Compassion for oneself is crucial in recovery. The 12-step process can benefit everyone, not just those with addiction. Emotional management is essential for personal growth. Synchronicities can serve as signs from a higher power. We can influence others positively through self-care. Recovery is about shedding the armor to reveal the true self.   About Your Host, Julie Reisler Join Julie Reisler weekly, podcast host, intuitive coach, author, and multi-time TEDx speaker, each week to learn how to access your spiritual gifts and inner guidance to be your You-est You® and achieve greater inner peace, spiritual connection, happiness, and abundance. Tune in to hear powerful, inspirational stories and wisdom from spiritual luminaries, experts, conscious leaders, psychic mediums, and extraordinary human beings that will help to transform your life.    Be sure to subscribe to Julie's YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/juliereisler and ring the notification bell so that you never miss a powerful episode!   Here's to your truest, You-est You!   Love, Julie     You-est You® Resources for YOU! See below for free tools, resources, programs, and goodies to help you become your YOU-EST YOU!   FREE Manifest Your Goals & Dreams 7-Day Toolset This stunning free toolset is a 7-day workbook (25 pages full) of powerful mindset practices, grounding meditations (and audio), a new beautiful time management system and template to set your personalized schedule for your best productivity, a personalized energy assessment, and so much more. It was designed to specifically help you uplevel your routine and self-care habits for success so you can radiate and become your ‘You-est You'. These tools are some of Julie's best practices used with hundreds of her clients to help you feel more confident, clear, and connected to your best self so that you feel inspired to take on the world. Get it at: juliereisler.com/toolset   FREE Intuition Assessment  Unlock your unique intuitive super-powers and discover your dominant intuition and language with the unseen. Take the assessment at juliereisler.com/intuitionassessment   Intuition Activation Mini-Course - 90% OFF! For a limited time only, get access to Julie's powerful transformative Intuition Activation mini-course for 90% off! You'll have lifetime access to this course that is full of video modules, worksheets, meditations, tools and practices to unlock your intuition and activate your inner guidance! Sign up now at https://juliereisler.com/activation    Join The Sanctuary Membership - Now Open! Join Julie's high vibrational sacred membership, an inner circle for conscious coaches, Lightworkers, and spiritual seekers, a spiritual oasis for change-makers wanting to make a bigger impact in the world. Julie will be leading bi-monthly live calls, including monthly psychic intuitive guided messages, and workshops teaching spiritual tools (like learning how to use a pendulum, muscle test, assess your chakras, open up your psychic abilities) to help you manifest what your heart most desires, manage your energy, develop your intuitive gifts, and connect more deeply with your higher self and spirit guides. Learn more and join now at https://juliereisler.com/sanctuary    You-est You Intention Cards Want your own powerful deck of 33 You-est You Intention Cards? These cards were channeled by Julie. Each card has an empowering intention and deeper questions to ask your ‘You-est You' for greater self-awareness, higher consciousness, and spiritual growth. You can get them now at https://amzn.to/45q14DJ.     Change Your Life Through Gratitude If you are looking for a powerful way to increase your gratitude quotient, prosperity mindset, and quality of life, check out my 15 Days of Gratitude To Change Your Life course. This course is only $47 and will change the way you view, everything! Enroll here: https://juliereisler.com/gratitude   Sacred Connection This community is a sacred, safe place built on love and acceptance. It was created to help you evolve and expand into your highest self. Please share your wisdom, comments, and thoughts. I love hearing from you and learning how you are being your truest, you-est you. Please join us in our FREE Facebook group: The You-est You® Podcast Community.   The Intuitive Life Designer® Master Life Coach Certification Program Are you eager to release self-doubt (for good) and have an intuition upgrade? Do you want to put your head on the pillow at night feeling calm and joyful that you are doing something really meaningful? Check out Julie's Life Designer Coach training. This world-class four-month virtual live coach certification program will give you proven tools, transferable skills, powerful techniques, practices, and the best methodology to be a powerful coach. This transformational coaching program is for aspiring and current coaches looking to fill in the missing pieces and gain real confidence and mastery in coaching. This program infuses integrative health modalities from a mind-body science, positive psychology, and healing arts perspective. To get on the waitlist and learn more, go to lifedesignercoachacademy.com.   You-est You Resources & Links:

If you've ever thought about exploring a 12-step program but felt hesitant—whether because of the language, the concept of "God," or the label "alcoholic"—this episode is for you.  As someone who has my own doubts about following a 12-step program on my path to sobriety, I get it. It can feel intimidating, outdated, or just not like “your thing.”  But here's the deal: while it's not the only path to sobriety, there's a lot of value in the 12 steps when you look past the barriers and approach it on your own terms. That's why I invited my friend Arlina Allen to the podcast. She's a coach, podcaster, and author of The 12-Step Guide for Skeptics: Clearing Up Common Misconceptions of a Path to Sobriety. In her book, Arlina dives into the objections that keep people out of 12-step programs and reframes them in ways that feel modern, accessible, and, most importantly, doable. For the full shownotes, kindly go to this podcast episode link: https://hellosomedaycoaching.com/12-steps-for-skeptics-clearing-up-common-misconceptions-about-a-path-to-sobriety/ 4 Ways I Can Support You In Drinking Less + Living More Join The Sobriety Starter Kit, the only sober coaching course designed specifically for busy women. My proven, step-by-step sober coaching program will teach you exactly how to stop drinking — and how to make it the best decision of your life. Save your seat in my FREE MASTERCLASS, 5 Secrets To Successfully Take a Break From Drinking  Grab the Free 30-Day Guide To Quitting Drinking, 30 Tips For Your First Month Alcohol-Free. Connect with me for free sober coaching tips, updates + videos on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest and TikTok @hellosomedaysober. Connect with Casey McGuire Davidson To find out more about Casey and her coaching programs, head over to www.hellosomedaycoaching.com

In this episode, Arlina Allen explores the truth about 12-step programs and dives deep into the common misconceptions, barriers, and unexpected benefits. Arlina shares her personal journey from resistance to transformation, highlighting how reframing common challenges—like the language of “character defects” and the concept of powerlessness—can make the 12 steps a powerful tool for healing. Key Takeaways: [01:06] – Why 12-Step Programs Are So Misunderstood [05:00] – Reframing the Good Wolf vs. Bad Wolf Parable [07:22] – The Problem with “Character Defects” [15:46] – The Illusion of Moderation: Can You Control Your Drinking? [25:14] – Why 12-Step Programs Get a Bad Reputation [28:46] – Rethinking the Role of God in Recovery [37:35] – Why Words Like “Alcoholic” Can Be Both Useful & Limiting [46:31] – The 12 Steps as a Structured Path to Change [50:49] – The 4th Step: Why Looking at Ourselves is So Hard [54:28] – Is AA a Cult? Debunking the Myth For full show notes, click here! How to Recover the Person You Were Meant to Be with Paul Churchill A Journey to Sobriety with Laura Cathcart Robbins How to Embrace Sobriety with Gillian Tietz Connect with the show: Follow us on YouTube: @TheOneYouFeedPod Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify Follow us on Instagram See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this powerful compilation episode of The Begin Again Podcast, host Gary Menkes celebrates the resilience, strength, and courage of the incredible women who have shared their stories throughout 2024. Featuring inspiring clips from guests like Jenny Leone, who turned her struggles into a voice for vulnerability and strength, and Megan Larsen, who transformed her life through sobriety and discipline, this episode is a testament to the transformative power of recovery.Each guest brings a unique perspective to the journey of overcoming addiction. From Natalie King's reflections on finding purpose to Arlina Allen's insights into breaking barriers in sobriety, these stories highlight the shared experiences of hope, healing, and empowerment. Jeanine Coulter and Kat Lyons discuss the role of community and spirituality in their recoveries, while Brandy Ledford and Mary Tilson inspire with their journeys of self-discovery and personal growth.This episode is not just a compilation; it's a celebration of the power of shared experiences. Whether it's the struggle with alcohol, drugs, or other personal battles, these women prove that no challenge is insurmountable. Join us as we honor their courage and invite you to find hope in their stories.► Visit our website here: TheBeginAgainPodcast.com ★ Let's connect: Twitter - https://twitter.com/BeginAgainPdcst Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thebeginagainpodcast/ TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@user8619235129226 Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/TheBeginAgainPodcast/ Facebook Group: http://www.facebook.com/groups/thebeginagainpodcast/

The Begin Again Podcast, hosted by Gary Menkes, presents Part 2 of the 2024 Recovery Compilation—featuring extraordinary moments from a year of inspiring conversations. Dive into the transformative journeys of our guests as they share candid experiences of overcoming addiction, trauma, and life's challenges.This episode includes highlights from Arlina Allen's profound insights on spirituality and the 12-Step program, Ruben Palomares' raw reflections on finding purpose after addiction, and Jenny Leone's inspiring resilience. Matt Gardiner, Mary Tilson, and TJ Woodward discuss personal transformations, emphasizing mindset shifts, self-love, and the power of connection.Other guests, like Paul Summers Jr., Kat Lyons, and Mike Diamond, reveal their journeys toward sobriety and inner peace, while Laurie Anderson and Jeanine Coulter share how their unique recovery approaches inspire others. From heartfelt stories of hitting rock bottom to triumphant moments of clarity, these clips showcase the strength of the human spirit.Join us as we celebrate the victories, challenges, and hope that define recovery. Let these stories inspire and uplift you or someone you love.

Arlina Allen is the bestselling author of “The 12-Step Guide For Skeptics: Clearing Up Common Misconceptions of a Path to Sobriety”, and host of "The One Day At A Time Recovery Podcast". She is a certified recovery coach and brings 30 years of research and experience to help others reach their highest potential.  Founder of Sober Life School Host of The One Day At A Time Podcast Author of “The 12 Step Guide For Skeptics” Send us a DM with any questions, comments, coaching inquiries or topic ideas. We love to hear from you!! Let's connect!! Follow 2 Sober Girls on Instagram Sign up for our emails: https://www.2sobergirls.com/vip Sober Support: Join SOBER GIRLS MASTERMIND if you'd like to transform your relationship with alcohol, and heal your body and mind. This mastermind is for women who are ready to dedicate 1 year of their lives to sobriety. Our mastermind opens the door to exclusive training, weekly mastermind calls, resources, private group chat and sobriety support from Erinn and Michaela.  We are not addiction specialists, but are able to help guide you if additional support is needed in this area.  Michaela on Instagram Download ALL of Michaela's Free Resources Erinn on Instagram Erinn's Sober Life Simplified Guide Loved listening? Treat us to a coffee https://www.buymeacoffee.com/2sobergirlspodcast Make sure you leave us a review and share on social if you're loving the show. Subscribe to 2 Sober Girls Podcast wherever you get your podcasts so you never miss an episode! Thank you for supporting 2 Sober Girls Podcast by supporting our sponsors. Learn more:  https://www.2sobergirls.com/sponsors Disclaimer: Our podcast is designed to educate, inspire, and provide support on your personal journey to sobriety. This is not medical advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Send us a textIn this heartfelt episode, I welcome back Arlina Allen to dive deep into sobriety, spirituality, and healing from childhood trauma. We explore misconceptions about 12-step programs, the power of forgiveness, and the importance of self-compassion and rest in recovery. With personal stories and insights, we discuss navigating family dynamics, overcoming limiting beliefs, and finding love and kindness—especially during the holidays.takeawaysSobriety is not just for those who hit rock bottom.Sober curiosity can lead to deeper self-discovery.12-step programs are about the steps, not just meetings.Personal experiences shape our understanding of addiction.Spirituality can play a crucial role in recovery.Childhood trauma can have lasting effects on behavior.Self-compassion is essential during the healing process.Limiting beliefs can hinder recovery and personal growth.Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.Finding a supportive community is vital for recovery. The need for acceptance and love can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms.Childhood trauma can have lasting effects on self-image and relationships.Forgiveness is essential for personal healing and growth.Self-compassion is crucial in overcoming feelings of shame and guilt.Navigating family dynamics can be challenging, especially during recovery.The impact of societal expectations on personal choices and mental health.Understanding that parents often do their best with the tools they have.The importance of open communication about feelings and needs in relationships.Recognizing the role of fear in decision-making and its unsustainable nature.Be sure to connect with Conversations with Bizzy! Patreon: http://patreon.com/elizabethchanceFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/conversationswithbizzy/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/busylivingsober YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@elizabethchance TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@busylivingsoberwithec X/Twitter: https://x.com/BusyLivingSober Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/elizabethlchance/busy-living-sober/     LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabethchance/ Sign up for email updates: http://eepurl.com/iDtRnw  To Reach Arlina Founder of Sober Life SchoolHost of The One Day At A Time PodcastAuthor of “The 12 Step Guide For Skeptics”Thank you Arlina for coming on my show. Remember you can reach out to me at elizabeth@elizabethchance.com with story ideas and if you want to come on my show. Thanks for listening! Sending love and gratitude this holiday season. Love, Elizabeth “Bizzy” Chance  

Description:In this thought-provoking episode of The Begin Again Podcast, host Gary Menkes welcomes recovery coach, author, and founder of Sober Life School, Arlina Allen. With 28 years of sobriety, Arlina shares her incredible journey from addiction to living a life filled with purpose and connection. She opens up about her struggles with alcoholism and how personal experimentation with the 12-step program, combined with self-reflection and spirituality, became the foundation for her recovery.Arlina discusses her book, "12 Step Guide for Skeptics," and the transformative impact it's had on readers navigating their own sobriety journeys. She and Gary explore critical barriers like stigma, resistance, and limiting beliefs that often hinder recovery, offering actionable insights for breaking through these obstacles. Arlina highlights the role of empathy, journaling, and therapeutic techniques in healing and building self-esteem, sharing a free resource from her Inner Compass Program to help listeners take the next step toward personal growth.Whether you're in recovery or seeking tools for self-improvement, this episode provides valuable perspectives on overcoming fear, embracing vulnerability, and rediscovering a meaningful, sober life. Join Gary and Arlina for an inspiring conversation about courage, connection, and the possibility of transformation. About Arlina Allen:Arlina Allen is a certified recovery coach, author, and the founder of Sober Life School. With over 28 years of sobriety, Arlina has dedicated her life to helping others break free from addiction and create lives filled with purpose and joy. Her groundbreaking book, "12 Step Guide for Skeptics", addresses common misconceptions about sobriety programs and offers a compassionate, practical approach to recovery. Through her coaching, podcast, and online resources, Arlina empowers individuals to transform their lives through self-reflection, spirituality, and connection.Follow Arlina for inspiration and tools for recovery:Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/ArlinaAllen/Website: https://www.SoberLifeSchool.com/► Visit our website here: TheBeginAgainPodcast.com ★ Let's connect: Twitter - https://twitter.com/BeginAgainPdcst Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thebeginagainpodcast/ TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@user8619235129226 Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/TheBeginAgainPodcast/ Facebook Group: http://www.facebook.com/groups/thebeginagainpodcast/

Arlina Allen is a force in the recovery movement. Sober for over 30 years, she's been releasing episodes of her top 1% podcast, ODAAT Chat, for over eight.She's also been working on a book for almost that long—and now it's finally here! The 12-Step Guide for Skeptics: Clearing Up Common Misconceptions of A path to Sobriety is out now and for it, she showed her book-in-progress to people who not only didn't agree with what she was writing but who actually disagreed.In this episode, we talked about her process, how she realized that her original idea for the book was more an article than a book and the way her podcast set her up for book sucess. 

In this episode of the Addicted Mind Podcast, listeners are introduced to Arlina Allen, host of the One Day at a Time podcast, who shares her profound journey from addiction to recovery. At a pivotal moment during a Giants game in Oakland, Arlina recognized the unyielding grip of addiction and the cycle of shame it perpetuates. Drawing from her new book, "The 12-Step Guide for Skeptics: Clearing Up Common Misconceptions of a Path to Sobriety," Arlina offers insights into the intricate process of recovery. Through personal anecdotes, she explores the influence of childhood experiences on addictive behaviors and emphasizes the importance of addressing root causes to break free from harmful patterns. The episode delves into the concept of the cybernetic loop in behavioral psychology, highlighting how negative experiences reinforce damaging beliefs. Arlina's journey is enriched by her exploration of self-discovery and spirituality, offering a refreshing perspective on recovery.  In this episode, you will hear: Arlina Allen's journey from addiction to recovery, highlighting personal experiences and family dynamics. Insights from Arlina's book, "The 12-Step Guide for Skeptics," addressing misconceptions about sobriety. The role of childhood trauma and family influences in shaping addictive behaviors. Exploration of the cybernetic loop in behavioral psychology and its impact on reinforcing negative beliefs. Internal Family Systems (IFS) theory and navigating internal resistance in healing. Follow and Review: We'd love for you to follow us if you haven't yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We'd love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast. Supporting Resources: NovusMindfulLife.com https://odaatchat.com/ https://www.soberlifeschool.com/ Episode Credits If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

PAIN: Parents & Addicts in Need's ( @painnonprofit )Founder Flindt Andersen and Jason LaChance sat down with Arlina Allen, a Recovery coach, host of the One Day At A Time Podcast and author of The 12-Step Guide For Skeptics: Clearing Up Common Misconceptions of a Path To Sobriety. For more on Parents & Addicts In Need: If you or a loved ones need our services, to follow on social media, the Don't Hide The Scars Podcast, to get involved, or to donate ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/painnonprofit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For more on Flindt Andersen, to have him speak at your organization visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.flindtandersen.com/ ⁠⁠⁠ Please share your thoughts with us and topics you'd like to see discussed on PAIN's Don't Hide The Scars Podcast by leaving a comment or emailing ⁠jason@painnonprofit.org⁠ For more information on Alina Allen & The One Day At A Time Podcast: https://www.soberlifeschool.com/  @theonedayatatimepodcast  For her book the 12-Step Guide For Skeptics: Clearing Up Common Misconceptions of a Path To Sobriety https://a.co/d/fAPugmY Intro 00:00 What challenges did Arlina face in writing her book and how did she go about working with the official Alcoholics Anonymous organization? 01:57 What are some of the challenges that many face in early recovery? What are some solutions? 05:43 Why do many who seek recovery confuse 12-Step principles and the spiritual aspect with religion? 10:44 What is one of the greatest gifts of working a 12-step program in recovery? 19:13 What was one of the biggest challenges that Flindt faced in early recovery and why doesn't he use this approach with those early in their recovery? 28:45 What are some of the biggest reasons that Arlina has seen people leave 12-Step groups and possibly not return? 39:52 The sponsor - sponsee relationship, what boundaries must be set in addiction recovery support groups? 53:44

Arlina Allen has been sober for thirty years and has written a book that clears up a lot of the misinformation about 12-step programs. They discuss the difference between the fellowship and the program and the common blocks people experience when trying to work the 12 steps. To learn more, visit the show notes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

 @painnonprofit  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Founder Flindt Andersen and Media Director Jason LaChance revisit their conversations with 4 extraordinary people in recovery who much like us have used their sobriety to bring messages of hope through podcasting. We're sharing moments with Dave Manheim of the Dopey podcast, Arlina Allen of the One Day At A Time podcast, Gary Menkes of the Begin Again Podcast and Daniel Hearn of the Hard Knox Talks podcast. Episode highlights include the following. Intro 00:00 We discuss with Dave why it is important to have humor about our darkest times? 02:01 What was Dave like as a child? 07:06 We discuss with Arlina, do the urges to use go away and stay away or can we sometimes still have thoughts of using a substance? 17:37 We ask Arlina, do people often confuse the 12 steps of AA for a religion? 27:15 We discuss with Gary, can you repair relationships that we grounded in addiction? 33:34 Gary shares, why was he so afraid of falling off in his first year of sobriety? 38:34 Daniel has a strong opinion on harm reduction. What is it and why dose he have this perspective? 47:50 Why does Daniel say that there isn't a one size fits all when it comes to recovery? 53:28 For more on the Granville Home Of Hope: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://gvhomeofhope.com/⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or call our office at 559-579-1551 For more on Parents & Addicts In Need: If you or a loved ones need our services, to follow on social media, the Don't Hide The Scars Podcast, to get involved, or to donate ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/painnonprofit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For more on Flindt Andersen, to have him speak at your organization visit⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.flindtandersen.com/⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For more on Dave Manheim and the Dopey podcast: https://dopeypodcast.com/ For more on Arlina Allen and the One Day At A Time podcast: https://odaatchat.com/ For more on Gary Menkes and the Begin Again Podcast: https://thebeginagainpodcast.com/ For more on Daniel Hearn and the Hard Knox Talks podcast: https://www.hardknoxtalks.com/ #hope #podcast #support

Arlina Allen is a Certified Life & Sober Coach and Hypnotist, and host of the award winning recovery podcast "The One Day At A Time Recovery Podcast" since 2016. Arlina is the founder of Sober Life School where she works with women to achieve sobriety, and create a life they love. She brings 30 years of research and personal experience to help others become the best version of themselves. She is from Sunnyvale, CA and now lives near Boise, ID with her husband, two sons, and her English Bulldog, Teddy.In this episode, we discuss:Common misconceptions about 12-Step RecoveryThe difference between the AA fellowship and the 12-StepsCommon barriers people face with 12-Step RecoveryHow Arlina has shifted her mindset around words like "alcoholic," "powerless," and "God" that often deter people from the programHow working the steps has transformed Arlina's lifeThe process of self-examinationThe sponsor / sponsee relationshipBeing of serviceDisclaimer: The content of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment__Sun & Moon Sober LivingJoin our online membership community: https://sunandmoonsoberliving.com/membership/Instagram: @sunandmoon.soberliving__Links to learn more and connect with Arlina:The 12-Step Guide for Skeptics: https://the12stepguideforskeptics.com/Sober Life School- http://www.soberlifeschool.comReinvent - Self Esteem Course http://www.selfesteemcourse.comPodcast http://www.odaatchat.comSocial Media:Facebook Page: facebook.com/odaatchatInstagram: @odaatpodcast @arlinaallen 

Arlina Allen is an absolute inspiration in the sober world. She is a Certified Life & Sober Coach and Hypnotist, and host of the award winning recovery podcast "The One Day At A Time Recovery Podcast" since 2016. Arlina is the founder of Sober Life School where she works with women to achieve sobriety, and create a life they love. In this episode we talk mostly about some of the misconceptions related to AA - and why people avoid it, but are really missing out on a good thing! I love this episode because I used to be very anti-AA and Arlina really changed my perspective on a lot of things. ​You can connect with Arlina at the following links:​Sober Life School- http://www.soberlifeschool.com Reinvent - Self Esteem Course http://www.selfesteemcourse.com Podcast http://www.odaatchat.com Support the Show.Want to Meditate More? Join our FREE 21-day meditation challenge on our App!https://themindfullifepractice.uscreen.io/zen/21-day-meditation-community-challengeWant to Connect to Community?Join our free Sober Girls Yoga Facebook group.https://www.facebook.com/groups/sobergirlsyoga/Want the latest Sober Girls Yoga Updates?Join our Instagram Channel here. https://ig.me/j/AbZeHVh0bIfKBfi7/Follow Alex on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/alexmcrobs/Check Out All Our Programs at:https://www.themindfullifepractice.com/

In this episode I talk to a fabulous sober sis who this year has been sober for 30 YEARS! YAS queen...Arlina Allen! With this kind of sobriety timeline, Arlina has an amazing perspective on the shifting cultural narratives around sobriety and addiction over the last three decades and the expansion of all patchworks and pathways of recovery and has a refreshing take on the 12 Steps from her badass journey. With her trademark down-to-earth, humorous take on life and sobriety you are going to want to hang out with her for the next hour, I promise! We talk about our differing approaches to sobriety, semantics of the steps, how to reframe them to fit a female friendly, secular experience and how to find empowerment even within the language of 'powerlessness,' and how the menopause is for us gals and why booze has no place there.  Grab a cuppa and let's chat. Kate x  Arlina Allen is a Certified Recovery Coach (IAPRC), Certified Hypnotist CH, the Founder of Sober Life School, and host of the award winning recovery podcast "The One Day At A Time Recovery Podcast" with over 300 episodes. She helps busy women quit drinking and create a life they love! She has been sober since 4/23/94, happily married for 27 years,  Mother of two amazing young adult men and Mama to Teddy, the family English Bulldog. Through her 30 years of lived experience in sobriety and working with other women to heal their relationship with alcohol and other addictions, she developed a special intuitiveness and insights into resolving the blocks to behavior change. With a combination of science based mental, spiritual, physical and emotional practices she has seen profound and lasting changes in her clients. Her class "Reinvent-How To Rebuild Self-Esteem & End Self-Sabotage" is being taught to those who've suffered from low self-esteem, addiction, codependency, toxic relationships and many other issues.    "We only allow into our lives what we believe we deserve on a subconscious level. You can change what you believe and create the life of your dreams. Change your mind, change your life." ~Arlina Allen   Links: Sober Life School- http://www.soberlifeschool.com Reinvent - Self Esteem Course http://www.selfesteemcourse.com Podcast http://www.odaatchat.com Social Media: Facebook Page: facebook.com/odaatchat Instagram: @odaatpodcast @arlinaallen

Send us a Text Message.Episode 183:Rebuilding Self-Esteem After Addiction with Arlina AllenIn episode 183 of the Sober Vibes podcast, Courtney Andersen welcomes Arilina Allen to the show. Arilina and Courtney chat about rebuilding self-esteem after addiction. A topic Arilina specializes in. Arlina Allen is a Certified Recovery Coach (IAPRC), Certified Hypnotist (CH), Founder of Sober Life School, and host of the award-winning recovery podcast "The One Day At A Time Recovery Podcast" with over 300 episodes. She helps busy women quit drinking and create a life they love.What you will learn in this episode:Tips to rebuild self-esteem Arilina's story Thank you for listening.Reviews help the show. Please rate, Review, and Subscribe to the Sober Vibes Podcast.Thank you to our Sponsors.As a show listener, you get exclusive discounts from our Sponsor. Make sure to check them out and support the show. SOBERLINK, click here to shop and save $50 on your device.  Listen to episode 115 to learn more about Soberlink.As a show listener, you receive 20% off your order with EXACT NATURE. Make sure to check them out and support the show. EXACT NATURE, click here to shop and save 20% off with code "SV20." Free shipping on all orders!  Please listen to episode 129 with Thomas White to learn more about CBD.To Connect with Courtney:Follow Sober Vibes on InstagramTo Work with Courtney:Come join the Sobriety CircleApply for 1:1 Coaching HereOrder My BookFree Resources:Join the women-only Sober Vibes Facebook group30-Day Sober Not Boring Calendar Sober Routine ChecklistWorkshop SeriesMocktail MenuMerchTo Connect with Arilina:Instagram Website PodcastGet ready to take your sober journey to the next level with my Self Guide Program: Next Level Sober Support. Whether you're just starting out on day one or navigating your first year of Sobriety, this program is designed to provide you with the support and guidance you need. Join now and make the commitment to a better, sober you.Support the Show.

To watch the video of this podcast, please go to: https://youtu.be/PIgLaotGxFg?si=Wxs4dVhsFpzy5yQq   What role do belief systems play in addictive behaviors? How can addressing trauma aid in the recovery process? What holistic practices are effective in the personal growth journey?   Join Dr. Adriana Popescu in another enlightening episode of Kaleidoscope of Possibilities: Alternative Perspectives on Mental Health, in which she explores the transformative power of holistic therapies. In this episode, Dr. Adriana sits down with Arlina Allen, a certified recovery coach, hypnotherapist, and founder of Sober Life School. Arlina shares her incredible journey from addiction to recovery and the empowering techniques she uses to help others overcome their struggles. In this episode, Adriana and Arlina dive deep into the world of addiction recovery, exploring the profound impact of beliefs, trauma, and holistic healing techniques. Arlina recounts her personal journey of sobriety and the methods she uses to support others on their path to recovery. The conversation covers a wide range of topics, including the role of belief systems in addictive behavior, the importance of addressing trauma, and practical tools for achieving lasting change.   In this episode: Arlina's journey from addiction to recovery The significance of belief systems in driving addictive behaviors The impact of trauma on mental health and recovery Practical tools and techniques for sobriety and personal growth The role of hypnosis, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and other holistic methods in healing   Resources mentioned in this episode: Arlina's website, Sober Life School: https://www.soberlifeschool.com Arlina's podcast: One Day At a Time Recovery Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-sobriety-podcast/id1446964719   About Arlina: Arlina Allen is a certified recovery coach, hypnotherapist, and founder of Sober Life School. With over 30 years of sobriety, Arlina has dedicated her life to helping others overcome addiction and create fulfilling lives. Through her podcast and coaching, she provides valuable insights and practical tools for achieving lasting recovery.   “Quitting drinking really has nothing to do with the alcohol. Drugs and alcohol are a symptom of a deeper problem.” – Arlina   Would you like to continue this conversation and connect with other people who are interested in exploring these topics? Please join us on our Facebook group! (https://www.facebook.com/groups/kaleidoscopeofpossibilitiespodcast/)   About your host: Dr. Adriana Popescu is a clinical psychologist, addiction and trauma specialist, author, speaker and empowerment coach who is based in San Francisco, California and practices worldwide. She is the author of the book What If You're Not As F***d Up As You Think You Are? For more information on Dr. Adriana, her sessions and classes, please visit: https://adrianapopescu.org/ To find the book please visit: https://whatifyourenot.com/ To learn about her trauma treatment center Firebird Healing, please visit the website: https://www.firebird-healing.com/   You can also follow her on social media: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrAdrianaPopescu/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dradrianapopescu/?hl=en LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adriana-popescu-ph-d-03793 Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/dradrianapopescu Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCflL0zScRAZI3mEnzb6viVA TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dradrianapopescu? Medium: https://medium.com/@dradrianapopescu   Disclaimer: This podcast represents the opinions of Dr. Adriana Popescu and her guests. The content expressed therein should not be taken as psychological or medical advice. The content here is for informational or entertainment purposes only. Please consult your healthcare professional for any medical or treatment questions. This website or podcast is not to be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in any legal sense or as a basis for legal proceedings or expert witness testimony. Listening, reading, emailing, or interacting on social media with our content in no way establishes a client-therapist relationship.

Arlina Allen is a Certified Recovery Coach (IAPRC), Certified Hypnotist CH, the Founder of Sober Life School, and host of the award winning recovery podcast "The One Day At A Time Recovery Podcast"   Sober Life School- http://www.soberlifeschool.com Reinvent - Self Esteem Course http://www.selfesteemcourse.com Podcast http://www.odaatchat.com Social Media: Facebook Page: facebook.com/odaatchat Instagram: @odaatpodcast @arlinaallen  Tired of Drinking? Try Our 30 Day Quit Drinking Dude Challenge!  Follow us on Instagram @ThatSoberGuyPodcast Work with Shane 1 on 1 Coaching - https://www.thatsoberguy.com/coaching Join Us in That Sober Guy Men's Locals Group and connect with over 500 men living free from alcohol at  https://www.thatsoberguy.com/mens-group For More Resources go to http://www.ThatSoberGuy.com Invite Shane to Speak - https://www.thatsoberguy.com/speaking Contact Us: https://www.thatsoberguy.com/contactus Music - Going Late courtesy of Humans & Haven Sounds Inc. Need a Meeting? https://www.thatsoberguy.com/meetings National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-TALK (8255)    

Welcome to the podcast! In case you are new here, my name is Arlina Allen and I am the founder of Sober Life School. I have been sober since 4/23/94 (which means I will be celebrating 30 years!) In that time I have been obsessed with self-help, spirituality, psychology, and behavior change.   And let's not get it twisted, I did not do it alone. In fact, I have had many many helpers along the way including mentors, sponsors, professional therapists and lots of loving friends and family.   As a way to say thank you to them, I try to be as helpful as I can and pass along what was given to me. That's why I created a free guide for you with all my best tips on how to start your alcohol-free journey. It's called “How to Quit Drinking: 30 tips for your first 30 days”. In it you will find strategies on how to avoid common mistakes, foods that will reduce cravings, how to talk about it with friends and family, what to do in social situations, and so much more!   So visit soberlifeschool.com, get your free copy and start creating a life you love!   And just a little programming note: I recently lost my podcast editor, so this episode and future episodes will be published in the raw and unedited format. I appreciate your patience and continued support!   Today I'll be joined by Justin B. Long. He is an author, business owner of a successful veterinary practice, and author of The Righteous Rage of a Ten-Year-Old Boy. He shares the traumatic events in early childhood that formed his negative self-image, his journey through addiction, and the process of healing that has led to finding peace.    You know, after hearing Justin's story, I was reminded of just how painful childhood can be for some people. When I hear these stories, I often feel amazed at how they survive, and the truth is, some people don't. In fact, Justin could have very easily become another statistic - but he didn't. He survived. And not only did he survive, but he is thriving today!   That is the story of hope.    So without further delay, please enjoy this episode with Justin.   Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes! Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podcast Addict, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or on your favorite podcast platform. You can watch the interview on YouTube here. Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!  

Reach out to Arlina and learn more about her fantastic work: The One Day at a Time Podcast: https://odaatchat.com/ The Self-Help Junkie Podcast: https://sites.libsyn.com/510253 The upcoming book by Arlina Allen: A 12-Step Guide for Skeptics Happy Soul Soap & Candles: https://happysoulsoapandcandle.com/   Recovery Literature (quit-lit) Recommendations: A.A. Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions - https://www.aa.org/twelve-steps-twelve-traditions A.A. Big Book - https://www.aa.org/the-big-book   Best Piece of Recovery Advice: Find self-compassion.   Don't forget to check out “The Way Out Playlist” available only on Spotify. Curated by all our wonderful guests on the podcast! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6HNQyyjlFBrDbOUADgw1Sz (c) 2015 - 2024 The Way Out Podcast | All Rights Reserved Theme Music: “all clear” (https://ketsa.uk/browse-music/) by Ketsa (https://ketsa.uk) licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd Song that symbolizes Recovery to Arlina: Unstoppable by Sia - https://youtu.be/cxjvTXo9WWM?si=iJSxm0iM-3xJc4KQ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/the-way-out-podcast/message

Did you get sober using a 12 step program or are you an AA skeptic?While she was getting sober and in the midst of a series of lost relationships Arlina found some people at work who were also living alcohol free and ushered her into a twelve step program.Arlina embraced her twelve step program as a “very pragmatic process for sorting out her baggage and gave her an opportunity to redefine what spirituality was to her.” Arlina layered on her program things like therapy and personal development to continue to feed her desire to grow.  There is plenty of space for this and does not mean you "aren't in AA",  you are simply growing in long-term recovery.We talked about the scientific addiction to substances as well as the lies we believe about what those substances do for us. There was a real identity shift for Arlina from being what she perceived as young and fun when she was drinking and her thought was not the fun was over.We also went over establishing healthy habits as a way to build self-trust. She likes the idea of tiny commitments to create sustainable change.  There are many hangups people have with AA. One of the major one is the people. Arlina breaks down the typical barriers that people get hung up on about the twelve step programs.Arlina Allen is a Certified Recovery Coach (IAPRC), Certified Hypnotist CH, the Founder of Sober Life School, and host of the award winning recovery podcast "The One Day At A Time Recovery Podcast" with over 300 episodes. She helps busy women quit drinking and create a life they love!You can find more about her on her, including her book due out this year, www.soberlifeschool.comSupport the showSupport the showOh, and by the way, if you didn't know, my program Sober Freedom Transformation is now open! It is for women who have been sober for a year to many and are ready to discover who they want to be in long term sobreity, develop confidence and improve their relationships.If you aren't part of the Confident Sober Women Facebook group, it's a great place to be. There are over a thousand other sober women there building lives they don't want to escape from. Come on over and join us.And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy today and maybe a second one for a friend. There is so much hope in recovery, and I shared my story so raw and vulnerably so that others would know they aren't alone and that there is a way to live well, manage relationships, parent your kids, and have a healthy body, all while staying sober. Grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.

There is more to addiction than the need to get drunk or high. And when Arlina Allen realized this and began to uncover the root causes of her addiction, it was then that she was able to shed the layers of her trauma and begin to heal. This week's episode 250 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about healing the root causes of addiction!Support the show by becoming a Patreon member! In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, my guest Arlina Allen shares how she turned to substances as a way to self-soothe and how coming to terms with this and seeking help led her on a path to self-compassion and peace.Some of the talking points Arlina and I go over in this episode include:Reflecting on Arlina's first sip of alcohol at a young age and realizing that something outside of herself could soothe her on the inside.  The turning point that led Arlina to dig deeper into her addiction and eventually seek support in overcoming it. How the 12-step program taught her self-compassion and healthier coping skills. Using practices like hypnotherapy to identify and reframe negative beliefs and behaviors. When you're in the thick of it, just remember, the easy choices lead to a hard life but the hard choices will lead to an easy life. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me!  And don't forget to follow, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/ CONNECT WITH Sober Life SchoolThe One Day at a Time PodcastArlina on InstagramOne Day at a Time Podcast on InstagramOne Day at a Time Private Facebook group for women (you must request access)CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:Subscribe to “Friday Fragments” weekly newsletterFree boundaries resourcesFacebookInstagramPatreonWork with Barb! Buy Barb a tea

There is more to addiction than the need to get drunk or high. And when Arlina Allen realized this and began to uncover the root causes of her addiction, it was then that she was able to shed the layers of her trauma and begin to heal. This week's episode 250 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about healing the root causes of addiction!Support the show by becoming a Patreon member! In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, my guest Arlina Allen shares how she turned to substances as a way to self-soothe and how coming to terms with this and seeking help led her on a path to self-compassion and peace.Some of the talking points Arlina and I go over in this episode include:Reflecting on Arlina's first sip of alcohol at a young age and realizing that something outside of herself could soothe her on the inside.  The turning point that led Arlina to dig deeper into her addiction and eventually seek support in overcoming it. How the 12-step program taught her self-compassion and healthier coping skills. Using practices like hypnotherapy to identify and reframe negative beliefs and behaviors. When you're in the thick of it, just remember, the easy choices lead to a hard life but the hard choices will lead to an easy life. Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me!  And don't forget to follow, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/ CONNECT WITH Sober Life SchoolThe One Day at a Time PodcastArlina on InstagramOne Day at a Time Podcast on InstagramOne Day at a Time Private Facebook group for women (you must request access)CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:Subscribe to “Friday Fragments” weekly newsletterFree boundaries resourcesFacebookInstagramPatreonWork with Barb! Buy Barb a tea

Arlina Allen is host of the One Day At A Time Recovery Podcast and founder of Sober Life School. She has interviewed over 300 guests about recovery from alcoholism, drug addiction, sobriety and the journey of recovery.  Arlina has been clean and sober since April 23, 1994. Her life's mission is to share the lessons that have transformed and shaped her life through struggles and successes. We discuss: The root cause of alcohol cravings Why how we drink is connected to self-worth Benefits of dry January and going sober Tips to change your drinking habits The health and spiritual benefits of reducing alcohol consumption Learn more about Arlina on the One Day At A Time Recovery Podcast.  For classes and personal coaching visit the Sober Life School.  Use code WHITNEY9013 for 15% discount on joining To Be Magnetic. The TBM Pathway (pay monthly) https://login.tobemagnetic.com/a/2147524106/QSLCjHPp The TBM Pathway (pay in full) https://login.tobemagnetic.com/a/2147524155/QSLCjHPp Learn more about High Vibration Living with Chef Whitney Aronoff at www.StarseedKitchen.com Get 10% off your order of Chef Whitney's organic spices with code STARSEED at www.starseedkitchen.com Follow Chef Whitney Aronoff on Instagram at @whitneyaronoff and @starseedkitchen Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Join us on this inspiring episode of the Begin Again podcast as we explore the remarkable journey of Arlina Allen, who conquered addiction and alcoholism. Arlina courageously opens up about her traumatic past and how it led her to rely on substances for solace.She recounts her path from rock bottom to sobriety, sharing insights into her struggle with destructive behaviors and her ultimate surrender to professional help. Arlina's story highlights the transformative power of working with a compassionate sponsor and the importance of addressing unresolved trauma and beliefs.Discover Arlina's journey into alternative paths to sobriety beyond the 12-step program, including hypnosis and parts work therapy. Learn about her insights from renowned hypnosis expert Dr. David Spiegel and the significance of empathy and trauma in recovery.Don't miss this transformative episode where Arlina also shares valuable tips and insights from her podcast and book, offering hope and inspiration to those seeking their own path to sobriety.ABOUT ARLINA ALLEN:Arlina Allen is a remarkable individual who has triumphed over addiction and alcoholism. After experiencing trauma and using substances as a means of solace, Arlina hit rock bottom and realized she needed professional help. Through her journey of self-reflection, empathy, and taking responsibility for her actions, Arlina embraced sobriety and found her true self. She has since created the Sober Life School, a resource hub for individuals seeking alternative paths to sobriety. Arlina shares valuable insights from her own experiences, debunking common misconceptions about the 12-step program and offering hope and inspiration to those seeking their own path to sobriety. Follow Arlina on Instagram (@arlinaallen) and visit her website (https://www.SoberLifeSchool.com/) to learn more about her work and join her community. DISCLAIMER:The views and opinions expressed by our guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the stand or beliefs of the host or the podcast. We aim to provide a diverse range of perspectives an► Visit our website here: TheBeginAgainPodcast.com ★ Let's connect: Twitter - https://twitter.com/BeginAgainPdcst Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thebeginagainpodcast/ TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@user8619235129226 Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/TheBeginAgainPodcast/ Facebook Group: http://www.facebook.com/groups/thebeginagainpodcast/

PAIN: Parents & Addicts in Need's @painnonprofit  Founder Flindt Andersen and Jason LaChance sat down with Arlina Allen, a Recovery coach and host of the One Day At A Time Podcast. We discuss various topics that include why more people may not be trying 12 Step programs in their recovery, how people mistake programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous for a religion and meeting people where they're at and helping them examine if they are in need of a path to total sobriety. Alina has spent the last 30 years learning about recovery, what works, what doesn't, and in the process, created a life she loves. She has been married for over 25 years, raised two young men and had a successful sales career as a high tech sales executive. Alina is most grateful that she has discovered a hidden talent for helping other women to quit drinking and lead peaceful, joyful, abundant lives. Learning that there are no real secrets, just simple actions based on scientifically proven strategies, and spiritual principals. All that is required is willingness, a guide and the right action steps. For more on Parents & Addicts In Need: If you or a loved ones need our services, to follow on social media, the Don't Hide The Scars Podcast, to get involved, or to donate ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://linktr.ee/painnonprofit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For more on Flindt Andersen, to have him speak at your organization visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.flindtandersen.com/ ⁠⁠⁠ Please share your thoughts with us and topics you'd like to see discussed on PAIN's Don't Hide The Scars Podcast by leaving a comment or emailing ⁠jason@painnonprofit.org⁠ For more information on Alina Allen & The One Day At A Time Podcast: https://www.soberlifeschool.com/  @theonedayatatimepodcast  #sober #addiction #hope --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/donthidethescars/message

Interested in getting 1:1 coaching support? Learn about my Coaching Program and book a free discovery call: https://www.jeremylipkowitz.com/introGET NOTIFIED WHEN DOORS OPEN TO UNHOOKED RECOVERY: https://jeremylipkowitz.mykajabi.com/unhookedConnect on Social:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jeremylipkowitz/Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeremylipkowitz/Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/JeremyLipkowitz49. Arlina Allen - 12-Step Recovery and the God Question: Demystifying the 12 Steps  Welcome to another episode of the Unhooked podcast! I'm your host, Jeremy, and today, we have a truly special guest with us. Arlina Allen is a Certified Recovery Coach, the Founder of Sober Life School, and the host of the award-winning recovery podcast "The One Day At A Time Podcast," which she's been running since June 2016.In this episode, Arlina and I dive deep into her remarkable journey in addiction recovery. She shares her insights on identifying the root causes of addiction and alleviating unnecessary suffering. Arlina opens up about her own traumatic experiences from childhood and how they led her down the path of addiction as a coping mechanism.One of the core themes we explore is the idea that addiction is often a symptom of deeper issues. Arlina emphasizes the importance of addressing these underlying issues and discusses the role of 12-step programs in her own recovery journey. These programs provided her with a structured process for self-examination and self-compassion, which proved to be invaluable in her healing process.Throughout our conversation, we also touch on various aspects of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and the broader topic of addiction recovery. Arlina sheds light on why some individuals have strong reactions to terms like "alcoholic" and how it can be seen as both a badge of honor and a source of shame.We delve into the history of AA meetings and how the practice of introducing oneself as an alcoholic became a common tradition. The concept of powerlessness in AA and its relationship to addiction recovery is another point of discussion, with Arlina offering her unique perspective.Arlina shares her insights on the role of a higher power in the recovery process and highlights the importance of community and social support. Sharing one's struggles with others can be a powerful tool in preventing relapse.In our conversation, Arlina highlights several key takeaways, including:Misconceptions about AA and how reframing certain words and concepts can lead to a deeper understanding.The transformative process in recovery and how discomfort and resistance can ultimately lead to personal growth.An openness to different paths to recovery, beyond AA, including psychedelic-assisted therapies.The incredible power of service in the recovery journey, both for personal growth and helping others.A teaser for a future episode where Arlina plans to delve into the topic of resolving resentment in relationships, a subject that many individuals dealing with addiction and recovery can relate to.Sober Life School- http://www.soberlifeschool.comReinvent - Self Esteem Course http://www.selfesteemcourse.comPodcast http://www.odaatchat.comFB: facebook.com/odaatchat IG: @odaatpodcast @arlinaallenSo, without further ado, let's dive into this enlightening conversation with A

Today Jeannine interviews Arlina Allen, host of The One Day at a Time Podcast. Sober since 1994, Arlina hit rock bottom at age 25 and decided to stop the path she was headed down. Now married for 23 years with two teenage boys, Arlina has spent her sobriety diving into personal growth work and has developed a self-esteem course that focuses on learning to attract what you desire in the areas of "finance, romance and fitness." Arlina is also working on a book about navigating the Twelve Steps despite any conflicts with the Fellowship (aka the people that go to meetings), or the principles such as higher power, etc. Connect with Arlina Check out Arlina's Self Esteem Course Arlina on Instagram Connect with Chasing Heroine on Instagram --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jeannine-coulter-lindgren/message

Arlina the host of ODAAT podcast comes on the show to share her story of recovery from alcoholism! We talk about sexual abuse, being "bad" as an identity, finding forgiveness and love in AA, and how the 12 steps are like an orgasm :) Arlina's insta: https://www.instagram.com/arlinaallen/ Arlina's podcast: http://odaatchat.com/ My insta: https://www.instagram.com/addictivepodcast/

Arlina Allen is a Certified Recovery Coach (IAPRC), Certified Hypnotherapist CH, the Founder of Sober Life School, and host of the award winning recovery podcast “The One Day At A Time Podcast” since June 2016.Through her 28 years of lived experience in sobriety and working with other women to heal their relationship with alcohol and other addictions, she developed a special intuitiveness and insights into resolving the blocks to behavior change. With a combination of science based mental, spiritual, physical and emotional practices she has seen profound and lasting changes in her clients.The One Day At A Time PodcastOne Day At A Time - Private Women's Group⬇️DAMN THE JOIN PATREON - ADULT CHILD HEALING C OMMUNITY⬇️https://www.patreon.com/adultchild

Emotions are a central part of how we operate day-to-day. It's in our human nature to feel emotional and be sensitive to different aspects of life. We all have strong feelings, and sometimes, we don't know what to do with them. Our guest today shares how to manage these strong emotions and feelings in a healthy way.    This week, we are talking with Arlina Allen, Life & Recovery Coach, Founder of Sober Life School, and Host of the award-winning Recovery podcast, “The ODAAT Chat Podcast.” Arlina has been sober since 4/23/94, married for 25 years, and is a mother of two amazing boys.  Her class "Reinvent-How To Rebuild Self-Esteem & End Self-Sabotage" is being taught to those who've suffered from low self-esteem, codependency, workaholism, and many other issues. It is also being taught in the CA and AZ Prison Systems to help provide healthy coping skills to inmates before they are released. In this episode, Arlina shares her personal recovery journey and how she was able to find freedom in expressing her emotions in a healthy way. We discuss why living in guilt and shame is detrimental to the recovery journey and how to shift our mindset around our past experiences. Arlina also shares the importance of gratitude and how it allows us to be present with our emotions. Topics Discussed The various feelings and emotions those in recovery face  How to manage “big feelings” in a healthy way  The importance of resolving resentment to live a life of empathy and compassion  Learning to live a meaningful life outside of guilt and shame Why the positive intention of gratitude and love leads to a fulfilling love  Connect with Arlina Allen  Website: http://www.soberlifeschool.com  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/odaatchat  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/odaatchat/    Additional Resources Reinvent Self-Esteem Course http://www.selfesteemcourse.com The ODAAT Chat Podcast http://www.odaatchat.com Connect with Positive Recovery Centers:   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/positiverecoverycenters/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PositiveRecoveryCenters/  Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/577870242872032  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/positiverecoverycenters/ Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/positiverecoverycenters/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4JcDF1gjlYch4V4iBbCgZg    Contact Positive Recovery Centers:   If you or someone you know needs help, visit the website, or call the number below to schedule an assessment. We are here to help.    Call: 877-476-2743 Address: 902 West Alabama Street Houston, Texas 77006 Website: https://positiverecovery.com  Services: https://positiverecovery.com/services/  FAQ: https://positiverecovery.com/faq/  ---  About Positive Recovery MD Podcast:   The Positive Recovery MD podcast is hosted by Dr. Jason Powers, Addiction Medicine Specialist and creator of Positive Recovery.    This podcast will not only inspire and motivate its listeners, but it will also provide the tools and foundation needed to thrive and flourish on their addiction recovery journey. Each week the Positive Recovery MD podcast community will come together to have authentic conversations around addiction, Recovery, and what matters – growth & progress, not perfection, all while developing positive habits for your life.    To join the community, visit https://lp.constantcontactpages.com/su/OtK48nO/dailypositiverecovery to sign up to receive the daily Positive Intervention that we'll review and gain access to EXCLUSIVE Positive Recovery content available only to Positive Recovery MD listeners.   About Positive Recovery Centers:   Positive Recovery Centers is a strengths-based addiction treatment program with locations across Texas. We offer a full continuum of care, from medical detox to sober living, all supported by an ever-growing alumni community network.    Our evidence-based curriculum blends the best of the old with the new, supporting our mission: that Recovery is best pursued when meaningful, intentional positive habits are formed through empowerment and resilience instead of negativity and shame.

Arlina Allen is a Life & Recovery Coach, the founder of Sober Life School, and host of the award winning recovery podcast "The One Day At A Time Podcast". She has been sober since 4/23/94, married for 24 years, and mother of two amazing boys. Her class "Reinvent-How To Rebuild Self-Esteem & End Self-Sabotage" is being taught to those who've suffered from low self-esteem, codependency, workaholism and many other issues. It is also being taught in the CA and AZ Prison System to help provide healthy coping skills to inmates before they are released. "We only allow into our lives what we believe we deserve on a subconscious level. You can change what you believe and create the life of your dreams. Change your mind, change your life." ~Arlina Allen Links: Sober Life School- http://www.soberlifeschool.com Reinvent - Self Esteem Course http://www.selfesteemcourse.com Podcast http://www.odaatchat.com Social Media: Facebook Page: facebook.com/odaatchat Instagram: @odaatchat

Veronica is joined by Arlina Allen from the One day at a Time podcast. Arlina shares how she has been sober for 28 years, her experience of the 12-steps and why working on self-esteem is so important.   To learn more, visit the show notes.

Hi Friend,   Thank you for downloading the podcast, my name is Arlina, and I'll be your host.    Well, kind of. This week we're doing something a little different. My friend and fellow podcaster Mary Tilson interviewed me on The Sun & Moon Sober Living Podcast and today we're talking about how to rebuild self-esteem after you get sober.    One thing I have learned over the 28 years I have been sober is that rebuilding self-esteem in sobriety is critical to healing. So many of us struggle with the guilt and shame that goes hand in hand with addiction, and it's easy to get lost in the shame spiral, especially in early recovery. So today we're going to talk about what healthy self-esteem is, why it's important and things you can do right away to start healing.   I also want to mention that if you are a woman in sobriety, and you would like more free resources for healing, book recommendations, meditations and a community of supportive women, then join us in our free private facebook group. Just do a search for: One day at a time private women's group. I look forward to connecting with you personally!   So there you have it! I hope you enjoy this special episode!   Connect with Me! Visit Website: soberlifeschool.com Watch on YouTube: ​​https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNuRolkOZ7X8fCEFCDYd5tg   Subscribe So You Don't Miss New Episodes!   Listen On:   https://apple.co/30g6ALF   https://odaatchat.libsyn.com/spotify   https://bit.ly/3n0taNQ     Watch Full Episodes!   https://bit.ly/2UpR5Lo

Amy wecomes Arlina Allen, host of Sober: The One Day At A Time Recovery Podcast! Arlina talks with Amy about how her childhood trauma resulted in her first drink at 8 years old and the struggle to regain her happiness in life. Now 28 years sober, Arlina works as Sober Coach and Hypnotherapist to help others do the same. Learn more about the importance of working through resentments, excercises to rebuild self-esteem, and how hypnotherapy can help in your recovery journey.  Hosted by Amy Liz Harrison   Buy Amy's Books: https://amzn.to/3ys8nuv  Shop the Eternally Awkward 80's Store: https://bit.ly/3EGMM46  http://amylizharrison.com/  Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/3Lgxy8F  Subscribe on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3vHHHoi 

Arlina Allen is a Certified Recovery Coach (IAPRC), Certified Hypnotherapist CH, the Founder of Sober Life School, and host of the award winning recovery podcast "The One Day At A Time Podcast" since June 2016.She has been sober since 4/23/94, happily married for 25 years,  Mother of two amazing young adult men and Mama to Teddy, the family English Bulldog.Through her 28 years of lived experience in sobriety and working with other women to heal their relationship with alcohol and other addictions, she developed a special intuitiveness and insights into resolving the blocks to behavior change. With a combination of science based mental, spiritual, physical and emotional practices she has seen profound and lasting changes in her clients.Her class "Reinvent-How To Rebuild Self-Esteem & End Self-Sabotage" is being taught to those who've suffered from low self-esteem, addiction, codependency, toxic relationships and many other issues. "We only allow into our lives what we believe we deserve on a subconscious level. You can change what you believe and create the life of your dreams. Change your mind, change your life." ~Arlina AllenIn this episode, we discuss:Arlina's story: trauma, addiction and her recovery journeyThe wisdom of the 12-stepsThe neuroscience of addictionRebuilding self-esteem in sobrietyWearing the label "alcoholic" as a badge of honorDifferentiating between religion and spiritualityThe power of hypnosis, prayer and meditationSee the links below to connect with Arlina and learn more about her work:Sober Life School- http://www.soberlifeschool.comReinvent - Self Esteem Course http://www.selfesteemcourse.comPodcast http://www.odaatchat.comSocial Media:Facebook Page: facebook.com/odaatchatInstagram: @odaatpodcast @arlinaallen __For more resources, 1:1 and group coaching to support you on your sober journey, visit sunandmoonsoberliving.com and follow @sunandmoon.soberliving on Instagram

Tawny and Lisa chat with sobriety and self-esteem coach Arlina Allen, host of the One Day at a Time podcast. They talk about Arlina's recovery story, how she started her podcast in 2016, and how she works with her coaching clients. Arlina's approach includes making people feel seen, heard, and understood so that they can view challenges in context and move past what's holding them back. They talk about hypnotherapy and how it can help different aspects of our lives. They also talk about addictions to achievement and self-help, which can be hard to recognize and address.This episode is sponsored by the sober entrepreneurs at Sour Humanoid vinegar! Order a bottle today at sourhumanoid.com Music Minute features Enigma, Alicia Keys, Meghan Trainor, and more. Find Arlina at @arlinaallen at https://www.soberlifeschool.com/

Parents & Addicts in Need's Founder Flindt Andersen and Jason LaChance sat down with Arlina Allen to discuss the impact of early childhood trauma and the importance of breaking the cycle. Arlina was sexually abused at a very young age which led her to feel a sense of self-hatred and a desire to escape her feelings. At the age of 8, she took her first drink, thus starting her battle with substance abuse and addiction. In Arlina's 20's, it took her 2 years of experimenting, research, about 1,000 self-help books, and lots and lots of pain and frustration, but the undeniable answer was she was an addict. In her words "If it was in a bottle, a bag, or blue jeans, I was doin' it!" In sobriety, Arlina found a new freedom and a new happiness. The woman she is today is unrecognizable from the young scared girl who was so lost and hopeless. She has been with the love of her life since 1994. They have two amazing sons who have never seen her loaded. She has a wealth of friends and has had a successful career in High Tech Sales for the biggest companies in Silicon Valley. Now, with almost 30 years sober Arlina is a life and self-esteem coach and host of the One Day At A Time podcast. For more on Arlina www.soberlifeschool.com/ For more on Parents & Addicts In Need, to follow on social media, the Don't Hide The Scars Podcast, to get involved donate and donate https://linktr.ee/painnonprofit

What else have Dr Marry and I been up to: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_lUkv8ujQ7vynBtfPn6dCTI-azbnUREp #DailyDose #Addiction​ #Sobriety #DrMarryandme​ #extraordinary #addictionrecovery #joyfulmarriage #NoMoreShame #alcoholism #mugsofdailydose #normalizeNAdrinking #moderation #celebratesobriety

Listen to and Subscribe to the podcast on all platforms for more amazing interviews at https://www.kddmediacompany.com/podcast © 2021 by KDD Media Company. All rights reserved. #onedayatatime #wedorecover #AddicationRecovery Jason and Mikey sat down with Arlina Allen to discuss the impact of early childhood trauma and the importance of breaking the cycle. Arlina was sexually abused at a very young age which led her to feel a sense of self-hatred and a desire to escape her feelings. At the age of 8, she took her first drink, thus starting her battle with substance abuse and addiction. In Arlina's 20's, it took her 2 years of experimenting, research, about 1,000 self-help books, and lots and lots of pain and frustration, but the undeniable answer was she was an addict. In her words "If it was in a bottle, a bag, or blue jeans, I was doin' it!" In sobriety, Arlina found a new freedom and a new happiness. The woman she is today is unrecognizable from the young scared girl who was so lost and hopeless. She has been with the love of her life since 1994. They have two amazing sons who have never seen her loaded. She has a wealth of friends and has had a successful career in High Tech Sales for the biggest companies in Silicon Valley. Now, with almost 30 years sober Arlina is a life and self-esteem coach and host of the One Day At A Time podcast. This is Arlina Allen in her own words, on Knockin' Doorz Down. For more on Arlina www.soberlifeschool.com/  For Carlos Vieira's autobiography Knockin' Doorz Down, the podcast and to follow us on social media https://www.kddmediacompany.com/  For 51FIFTY use the discount code KDD20 for 20% off! https://51fiftyltm.com/  For more information on the Carlos Vieira Foundation and the Race 2B Drug-Free, Race to End the Stigma, and Race For Autism programs visit: https://www.carlosvieirafoundation.org/   

The episode is sponsored by Victor, who became a member at Buy Me a Coffee and agreed to do so each month.  With people like Victor, we can remain self supporting through our own contributions and bring the message to the new guy.Arlina Allen is the host of the One Day at a Time Podcast.  You can find her at https://odaatchat.com/ or wherever you get your podcasts.In this show Arlina talks aboutBottles, bags and blue jeansChange in AAThe different paths of recoveryWe had so much fun recording this one and you'll really enjoy listening too.Cantina Blues - Take the Lead by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100407Artist: http://incompetech.com/Support the show

Monthly chat with long-term recovery friends. This month I have Arlina Allen from Sobriety: One Day At A Time Podcast, Jess Harless, Alysse Bryson from the Sober Curator (as always) and myself hanging out and sharing about how to live an honest life. More we discuss: Emotional addiction Manipulation Having recovery be your entire life Redefine what recovery means at different lengths of recovery Deciding that you're not an alcoholic, is that possible? Make sure you are apart of the discussion in the community: https://members.connectedcalmlife.com/ (https://members.connectedcalmlife.com/) This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Chartable - https://chartable.com/privacy

Please Subscribe For More Episodes!   iTunes: https://apple.co/30g6ALF Spotify: https://odaatchat.libsyn.com/spotify Stitcher: https://bit.ly/3n0taNQ YouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/2UpR5Lo   Purchase Her Book on Amazon! Be sure to follow me on Instagram for daily inspiration: @odaatpodcast and @arlinaallen Hello Loves,   Thank you for downloading the podcast, my name is Arlina, and I'll be your host.   In case we haven't met yet, I am a certified Recovery Coach and Hypnotist. I am obsessed with all things recovery, including neuroscience, reprogramming the subconscious mind, law of attraction, all forms of personal growth and spirituality. I have been practicing abstinence from drugs and alcohol since 4/23/94, and I believe in people finding what works for them.    Today I'll be talking with Dr Anna Lembke, she is Chief of the Stanford Addiction Medicine Dual Diagnosis Clinic at Stanford University and author of the #1 Bestseller “Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance In the Age of Indulgence”. It would be a vast understatement to say it was such an honor to interview her for the podcast.  If you've been listening to these interviews for any length of time, you'll know I love learning about ideas I can share that will help lead people out of suffering. Up til now I've been hyper focused on empathy largely based off of Brene Brown's work around vulnerability and she shared that empathy is the antidote to shame. I've also treasured the idea that “honesty without compassion is cruelty” so I've been pretty focused on empathy but it felt like something was missing.   Then I read this by Anna: “Empathy without accountability perpetuates victimhood”. I had an absolute “holy crap” moment. Not an “aha”, a holy crap. Because, I believe that I can't really help people who are stuck or committed to a victim mentality. Those are people who are unwilling or unable to accept personal responsibility and I actually have a visceral and negative response to that type of thinking.   I had to send Anna a follow up email and ask for more feedback, specifically around what to say to people who have relapsed, and this is what she said:   “I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for your suffering. That must be so hard.”  What this does is validate that the relapse happened, while also acknowledging the pain that person is experiencing. I think of it similar to what I would say to someone who told me their cancer which had been in remission came back.”   So brilliant. I just love her.   Anyway, that was a very long intro, but I wanted you to have that extra bit of wisdom from her.   I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did.   Arlina Allen  6:09   Okay, here we go. We'll talk to you. Thank you. Thank you so much for joining me on the podcast.   Unknown Speaker  6:15   Thank you for inviting me, I am very happy to be here.   Arlina Allen  6:18   I'm so excited. Listen, I say that all the time. But I really, really men it this time because I have been reading your book, and actually I listened to the audio book first while I'm walking, because I sort of like the first wash of like, all these concepts. And then I get the book because I'm a students. And I like to, you know, highlight and underline and Mark things. And this book was stuff. It has some pictures. Yeah. Picture like people like me, pictures are amazing. Yeah. But I just it's called dopamine, finding balance in the age of indulgence, I'm sorry, dopamine nation. And, wow, I have so many questions to ask. But I think a good place to start might be with maybe what what is dopamine? Really, because I think there's a lot of misconceptions about what dopamine is, there isn't like a dopamine pill. But you know, when people take drugs, I think they activate dopamine, but maybe I don't really have a good understanding. So I thought maybe I could sort of clarify what it really is, and, and why it's important.   Dr Anna Lembke  7:31   Yeah, so dopamine is a chemical that we make in our brain. And it's very important for the experience of motivation, reward, and pleasure, and also fundamental in this self reregulating kind of system, that's called homeostasis, that is so fundamental to our physiology, and also, you know, to our survival. So essentially, you know, in a kind of broad brushstrokes simplified form, if you imagine that there is a balance in your brain, kind of like a teeter totter in a kid's playground, when we do something pleasurable that balance tips one way, and when we do something that's painful, that balance tips the other way, or when we ingest a substance that's pleasurable, or when we have an injury, you know, we cut our finger to the side of pain. But one of the overarching rules governing that balance is that it wants to remain level or preserve what neuroscientists call homeostasis. And it will work very hard to preserve a level balance with any deviation from neutrality. So when we do something that is pleasurable, we release dopamine, the pleasure neurotransmitter in the brain's reward pathway, which is a special part of our brain that's been conserved over millions of years, and is the same across many different species, even very primitive organisms. And that balance tip slightly to the side of pleasure. But no sooner Has that happened, then our brain will try to reregulate to bring that balance level again. And it does that by down regulating dopamine production and down regulating dopamine transmission in the reward pathway. But it doesn't just bring dopamine back down to tonic baseline levels, it actually brings it below baseline. So what happens I think of that as these Gremlins hopping on the pain side of the balance to bring in level again, but they stay on until the balance is tipped and equal and opposite amount to the side of pain. Yes, and that's of course, the kind of looking at the book. There's a little graphic in there, right there. And with Gremlins, right, I'm also a visual thinker. And so I just, you know, wanted to create a simple metaphor.   Arlina Allen  9:52   This is Brian, on page 52 of the book. There's like the seesaw or the teeter totter that you mentioned. And I thought That was so interesting because it when you're talking about uh when we indulge in the dopamine like you know even on the little graph is chocolate social media gaming porn shopping in my case drugs alcohol all that stuff not to say that I don't indulge in social media those other are those other things shopping that we there is that deficit it's like the equal opposite   Dr Anna Lembke  10:26   yes right for every pleasure we pay a price yes price is the come down and sometimes can be very subtle outside of conscious awareness. But you know it's there. And you know if we wait long enough that feeling of wanting to buy one more thing or watch one more video or have one more piece of chocolate goes away and and homeostasis is restored. But if we continue to bombard our dopamine reward pathway with highly reinforcing drugs and behaviors, what ends up happening is that to compensate for that, let's say artificially high levels of dopamine and I call it artificial because you know, the fundamental difference between things that are addictive and those that are not are that addictive, things release a whole lot more dopamine in the reward pathway. And of course, technology has taken even things that were not addictive like food, and made them highly potent and turn them into drugs or human connection. Social media has drug A fight human connection. But as a result of constantly bombarding our dopamine reward pathways, what ends up happening is our brains are desperately trying to compensate. And so they're way down down regulate, our brains are down regulating our dopamine production, and we end up in this kind of chronic dopamine deficit state where we have, you know, 1000s, of Gremlins on the pain side of the balance, and they've kind of camped out there, right, they brought their barbecues, their tents, they're not going anywhere fast. And, and it lasts a long time, which I think is really fundamental to understanding a couple of things. The first thing is, why on earth do people with addiction, relapse, after months, or even years of recovery and abstinence and their lives are so much better? Why on earth would they go back to using the reason is because they're not necessarily walking around. With a level balance, they are potentially walking around with a balance tilted to the side of pain on a daily basis experiencing the universal symptoms of withdrawal, which can last for months to years. And those include anxiety, insomnia, irritability, depression, and craving or intrusive thoughts of wanting views. The other reason I think this is balances is really helpful, is because not only does it allow us to understand the disease of addiction and relapse and to have compassion for that. But also it might explain, and this is the fundamental hypothesis of dopamine nation. Why it is that despite the fact that we have all our survival needs met, and then some why our rates of depression, anxiety and suicide going up all over the world, especially in rich countries. And I do believe that's because we individually and collectively, are engaging in so many high reward high pleasure activities and substances, that in order for our primitive brains to compensate, we have collectively downregulated, our own dopamine transmission such that we're all more depressed and anxious.   Arlina Allen  13:22   Yeah, you know, in the beginning of recovery, a lot of people talk about boredom. And I think we're so overstimulated when we're using that, when we get sober and practice that, you know, those of us are practicing practicing abstinence, I am aware that there is like harm reduction, you know, and that's the thing I totally I feel like that's totally valid. I quit drinking alcohol on my 25th birthday and continued to smoke weed for five months. I didn't know that recovery is about complete apps. That's just, they called it the marijuana maintenance program back in the day. Uh huh. Anyway, now we're calling it harm reduction, just fine. But what I thought was so interesting is and this is what I have heard over the years is that when people first get sober, they're bored. And I listened to the interview you did with Dr. Andrew Huber many we're talking about boredom and anxiety, which at first blush, you wouldn't think that those two go together. But when all your needs are met, and you really have and you don't have a passion or in my case obsessions for different things. If you don't if you don't have that you like get bored and then it's like, creates anxiety. Right? I see that in my kids.   Unknown Speaker  14:37   Yeah, of course. Yeah. I mean, especially the way because we're living in a time when we're constantly able to distract distract ourselves from our own thoughts, and our own ruminations and even our own creativity really, such that when we take away those distractions, we're suddenly you know, plummeted into the abyss really existentially We are bored, and sort of then contemplate well, gee, I don't have anything to do like, What? What is the purpose of my life anyway. But I think the key really is number one to acknowledge that boredom can be an extremely painful emotion, literally, physically painful, and scary. But that if we can just sit with it, and not try to run away from it, it is also the progenitor of creativity, and a place where new things are born. And so you know, just thinking about, like, you know, open space, like, it's like, you need space before you can have a supernova, you know, you need to have that blankness in order to, you know, initiate something new. And the internet really allows us all to be in this constant state of reactivity, where we're always responding to some some kind of input, rather than, you know, sitting quietly and generating.   Arlina Allen  15:56   Yeah, no, it's, I have a question for you about the neurotransmitter. So it's my understanding, like, from a chemistry perspective, that, you know, your receptors, your brain cells have receptors on them that are the uptake with Deborah allow the cells to receive the dopamine. And if you flood your cells, I'm sorry, I don't know that is your neurotransmitters? Yes, yes. Okay. So the receptor if there, there's like little receptors that allow that uptake of the dopamine, but if it's flooded too much, your cells will retract those receptors. Exactly. Right. So this is the attic mind, how long does it take the brain to heal, meaning it puts back a normal amount of receptors, because in my mind, I was thinking, I took some physiology anatomy in college, and it was like, Oh, that's why when people first stop using, they don't feel anything, it's like they can't, because their brain was trying to protect them this whole time by retracting those receptors, not allowing them to uptake the dopamine. And so because they're not there, people feel flat, like they, they feel flat, and they can't feel it. And so everybody always says, Well, how long until I start feeling good again? Like, how long does it take their brain cells to put those little receptors back out? So people start feeling good?   Dr Anna Lembke  17:21   Yeah, so in my clinical experience, it takes a minimum of a month, and that's less bad, not bad. And let me just say, a minimum of a month to start to regenerate other receptors and regulate dopamine transmission. But I mean, the protracted abstinence syndrome can last many months to even years, in some cases, right? Yeah. pends on the person, it depends on the drug, it depends on how you know how much they used. But in my clinical experience, and again, this is supported by some evidence, if people totally abstain for one month, in weeks one and two, that pleasure, pain balance to transmission is below baseline, because it's exactly as you say, our neurons have retracted those dopamine receptors, so we're not getting, you know, that stimulation. And we're experiencing withdrawal. But by weeks, three or four, people typically start to feel better. And by week four, even people with some very severe addictions, will start to notice improvement. Now, one thing you have to be really careful about is cross addiction. So all addictive substances work on that same common pathway, don't mean is a universal currency for the process of addiction, at least as far as we know, at this point. So if you give up your cannabis, but you keep smoking cigarettes, you know, you're not going to get the same kind of upregulation. Because you're not going to be abstaining from nicotine, which is gonna be you know, it's not, you know, most of my patients are not willing to give up cigarettes and nicotine and alcohol and all of it at once. That's a lot to give up. So whatever they're willing to do is great. And often they will see improvements, even if they just give up one thing. But to really get the full benefit and really restore homeostasis, you kind of have to give it all up in order. What   Arlina Allen  19:12   about what about caffeine?   Dr Anna Lembke  19:14   Well, you know, caffeine is a stimulant. So it sort of depends on how much you're using. If you're one cup of coffee a day, it probably isn't going to make much difference and you can just keep doing that. But if you're at you know, eight cups of coffee a day, that's that's probably probably time to. And the truth is that, believe it or not, it sounds harder to give it all up at once. But it might in fact be easier. There are studies showing that people who quit drinking and quit smoking cigarettes at the same time have better outcomes than people who just quit drinking but keep smoking.   Arlina Allen  19:50   Or these people who were considered pretty heavy on the alcohol use disorder spectrum or you know, I don't think alcoholic is really a A clinical term any longer Is that true?   Unknown Speaker  20:02   That's true.   Arlina Allen  20:03   It's alcohol use disorder.   Dr Anna Lembke  20:04   Yes, that's right. So we're trying to the alcoholic comes from Alcoholics Anonymous. It's just not a medicalized term. It's a perfectly good term. But it's just not one that we're, you know, we're using in Medicine Today we're trying to use a more generic term that can crossover many different substances to now it's, we don't even use the term addiction, believe it or not in a lot. Yeah, strange, right? And that's, you know, believe it or not, it hasn't really been the term the medical term. Now, let me say I use it all the time. It's the broadly understood term for this process. It is used in neuroscience texts. It is in the name of the of NIDA, the National, its own National Institute of Drug Abuse, which is a term we don't use anymore. The language of addiction is changing. But in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, it's not called nicotine addiction, or alcohol addiction. It's called nicotine use disorder, alcohol use disorder, cannabis use disorder, and I'm like that.   Arlina Allen  21:01   Okay. So it is specific to the whatever people are using. Okay, that's so interesting. I did not know that. Listen, I kind of came up in Alcoholics Anonymous. So, you know, but I've noticed that, and I'm sure you've noticed this too, like, and maybe not because you're not on social media. Is that true? You're not on social media? That's not true. Yeah, that's true. But you are in the social dilemma. Right? Fascinating. Like I had resisted watching it, because I'm sorry, I was sort of in the camp of, you know, I use social media for good. You know, so I don't, I didn't maybe are good. Yeah, it can. Yeah, I mean, it's that's how I communicate all everything that I do. My podcast and everything that I do is I'm trying to disseminate information, you know, solution. And he's social media. So I'm like, it's all it hits like money. It's all in how you use it, right? Like you use your powers for good. Kind of like Spider Man. But, um, where am I going with that, but but it's there's a bit of self denial because I do find I'm, you know, sort of like the typical addict, let's say, have that sort of propensity for addiction or anything obsessive anything that I like, I want more, right, I don't really have that off switch. So it's like, oh, I found something I'm passionate about is helping people recovering, Alcoholics Anonymous, and so that's all I want to do. So he says, it seems like a healthier obsession.   Dr Anna Lembke  22:37   You know, putting investing our energy into things that we care about, that gives us to me meaning and purpose that serve others that make the world a better place, those are all those are all good things, they can also cross the line into addiction, we can, you know, there is work addiction. People can get, you know, caught up in that in a way that's not healthy for themselves or others. But in general, you know, when we're serving others, those are usually healthy behaviors.   Arlina Allen  23:06   Yeah, I remembered my point of that little thing I just did. But with the social media, it's so interesting to see that the vernacular is changing in the world of social media, how people like me who are trying to disseminate information about recovery and sobriety, the vernacular is changing, because a lot of people, women, especially, actually are very, like anti a, because of the male dominated vocabulary. And, you know, there's this sort of patriarchal overtone, and overtures. And I kind of grew up in the church where I learned to, you know, you're supposed to read the Bible, and then you sort of decipher what it means to you. When I got sober. I was like, these people are like, Oh, you can solve that problem here. And I was like, I'm all in. And I would read the text and literature and I would just translate like, I had that ability to translate into what it means to me. So I didn't really get hung up on I was super desperate to be sober. So I didn't get hung up on terms like alcoholic or, you know, everything being in he him. There's like in the book, I'm sure you're familiar, a chapter to the lives, right? Yeah. As if we were, you know, the women were sort of secondary. And so there's all this discussion right now about how, like a lot of people I interview they talk about alcohol free, they won't even use the word like alcoholic seem shaming. Uh huh. Or have you have you experienced that and the people that come to see you.   Dr Anna Lembke  24:43   I certainly have, you know, encountered a lot of people who for whom a was not useful or effective, but I've encountered an equal number or more for whom a was absolutely you know, the lifesaver for them men and women. But I think it's important to put a into its historical context, it started in the 1930s. It was started by, you know, two men who met each other and support each other. It is one of the most remarkable and robust social movements in the last 100 years, totally peer driven, takes no financial outside support takes no political stance is free is everywhere. And I do agree with you that, you know, language was important and needs to change with changing times. And I think there have been some updates to the big book, you know, more more modern, and more accessible. And certainly, I've heard of certain I'm aware of abuses in the rooms and in a, I mean, I'm glad today that there are many options, different options for me to get into recovery online, in person. abstinence oriented, moderation oriented, and I think this is great. I think there are lots of paths to the top of the mountain. But I would not throw out a you know, I know, it's a really powerful philosophy and approach. And, you know, just absolutely miraculous for, you know, for people for whom it works and who actively participate.   Arlina Allen  26:15   Yeah, well, there you go, you have to actively participate. I'm a huge fan like it absolutely. There was not actually when I got sober 27 years ago, there wasn't really nothing else. Yeah, there was really nothing else, I was super grateful. And I lived in San Jose. So in the Bay Area, where you are, there are there were like 800 meetings a week. Yeah. And there were women's meetings and very specialized meetings, there was I used to go to a 6am meeting every day that attracts a certain crowd. So I was I was super lucky. And I know that's not the case everywhere. But   Dr Anna Lembke  26:51   the other thing to keep in mind is that the rates of alcohol use disorder and women have gone up 85% in the last two decades, 85%, the ratio of women who are addicted to alcohol, or men who are addicted to alcohol versus women has been in the range of five to one to two to one for many generations, but in the last generation, starting with the millennials, that is approached one to one. And so now women are as likely to present with an alcohol use disorder as men, which is a brand new phenomenon. And really, you know, therefore, I do appreciate that, you know, women, who are we have more women than ever, you know, addicted to alcohol, they're also wanting new ways that are better suited to women, possibly, you know, to get into recovery.   Arlina Allen  27:41   Yeah, I had a friend point out that, you know, the court system is sending people to a, who may or may not belong there, you know, predators, people with, you know, you know, violent histories or whatever that, you know, the court system is sending a lot of people there, too, I always tell women to go to women's meetings,   Dr Anna Lembke  28:00   I think that's a good place place to start. Or what I say to people is that, you know, going to meetings is a little bit. I mean, maybe this isn't a great analogy, but it's a little bit like dating, you have to, you know, meet a bunch of different meetings before you find one that you like, that's a great analogy. And there's a lot of frogs. Yeah. And then the truth is that recovery is better in some meetings than others. So you want to make sure you find a meeting where there's good recovery and recovery can change. I mean, these are very organic, human gatherings, and you can have a meeting that's really unhealthy and positive, and then it loses a few key people, or there's some other disruption of location or time you lose that frame and you lose the meeting. So it's important to, you know, to just make sure you're going to Good, good meetings.   Arlina Allen  28:47   Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, I've seen, like for women who have children like I, you for, so I was with my husband, and he's sober. And we didn't go to meetings together for like, 10 years when we first had kids, because number one, I never, I can't focus on funding to bring my kid to Yeah, it was just a variety mindset. Yeah, yeah. So there were so for women, when they have kids, it's like lifestyle changes, you know, affect your ability to go to, to meetings. I know. For some women, it was like, they're working full time. They have kids, it's like, you want me to go to 90 meetings in 90 days? That seems impossible. But you know, nowadays, it's a little different because we have online meetings and things like that. We have a little more, but gosh, it depends. I know the pandemic was really hard on a lot of people in a lot of ways. But it also presented has now provided new opportunities, because now women can go to meetings like we can literally, there's an international woman's meeting that goes 24 seven. Wow, that's cool. Yeah, it's been continuous for four months now. I want to ask you, I've so many questions. So we were talking about early recovery, people experiencing boredom and Takes about, you know, it takes some time for that to heal. So I think if people are aware of that that's coming that they can adapt to that. And to know that their passions for things will come back. Dr. Haberman described addiction as a narrowing of things that bring pleasure. And it's so interesting because as soon as we set it down, it's like, we start finding other things interesting again, when it comes to so I'm a mom, I know a lot of my listeners are your mom, you know, the whole video game thing, especially in this age of pandemic, where kids don't really have a whole lot to do and they're craving connection. It's been really confusing as a parent to know how to support your kids. It's like, Listen, I can't entertain their, you know, their teenagers, I can entertain them the whole time. It's like I have work to do. But I'm terrified about what's what happens to them sometimes in this in this age, and I have moms that are like, and our kids are so in touch with, like their neurosis now, like when I was coming up, we didn't know that my sister was struggling with clinical depression. We didn't know that that was the thing. The you know, whatever. 40 I don't know how overall I don't do math A long time ago. But now the kids are like, Oh, I have anxiety. I have depression. I have this. It's you know, the sex. Sexual orientation is so fluid. And it's like, as a parent, it's hard to know how to support your kids because we were kind of grew. I think you grew up with syrup. Did you grow up with like, a little bit of tough love?   Dr Anna Lembke  31:36   Yeah, you know, a little bit of healthy neglect. I think it's fair to say, maybe verging on unhealthy neglect. But yeah, baby nine.   Unknown Speaker  31:44   Is that a thing? benign?   Arlina Allen  31:45   Yeah, so that's Yeah, my mom was a total badass. Is that was like it was the whole Go figure. Figure it out? That's right. Yeah, for yourself. And, but we don't do that to our kids now, because we are aware of like the suicide rate. So I feel like we're in a rock between a rock and a hard place, because we can't really do the hardest thing anymore. Because our kids might kill themselves. And it's like, how, as a mom, am I supposed to help my kids through the difficult times without them getting addicted to video games? Or like, even if they're home all the time, they're not doing drugs and alcohol? They can still be, you know, porn. And listen, I don't even want to know. But video, let's just say video games, just like the online stimulation. How do I, as a mom, like your mom, how do you help your kids? How do we help our kids like self regulate?   Dr Anna Lembke  32:44   Well, I think an important important place to start is to talk about how pleasure and pain are processed in the brain. And how the brain really does want to assert this level balance or preserve homeostasis. And that any deviation from neutrality, whether it's on the pleasure side, or the pain side actually constitutes a stressor to the brains when we think about what's stressing kids out. Now, I would argue, as I do argue, in my book, that it's all of the feel good drugs and behaviors that's actually contributing to the stressors itself. Because when we're the kids are playing these video games, they're getting a huge bolus of dopamine in the reward pathway, then their brains need to compensate by down regulating their own dopamine transmission, bringing it bringing in those postsynaptic receptors. Such that you know, when those kids try to pull away from the video game, first of all, it's very hard to do that they will experientially describe that. And then they're depressed. So it's actually the gaming and the pornography and the social media that is causing the depression and anxiety and not the other way around. So what I counsel parents to do is to first understand something about that basic neurophysiology, explain it to their kids, talk to kids about how these online products can be great, but they can also be drugs and that they have been engineered to be drugs and to keep us clicking, and swiping and scrolling. And that we have to be really mindful of how we're using them and that in moderation, it's just fine. But just like you wouldn't get up and eat ice cream for breakfast, you probably don't want to get up first thing in the morning and, you know, be scrolling through social media and do that all day long. You know, the all all good things in moderation. Right, right. I mean, so we're all we all struggle with this. It's not just our kids. The other thing I say to parents, you know, so, as a family, talk about the dangers in talking about the good things about social media and video games and all that, but also talk about the dangers. Talk about how important it is to pay attention to not just how you feel when you're doing the activity, but also how it makes you feel afterwards. Talk about the importance of having some device free and tech free times in the day like maybe at dinner time or some other time with the family. Family, maybe taking tech free vacations, if you can do that, where maybe for a week at a time, everybody leaves their devices at home and goes and interacts in nature. These are all things that people, they just like they're horrified at the thoughts they get, right? Thinking about just leaving their phone behind, but But the truth is, that's really an indication of how addicted, we have all become. Even the thought of not bringing our phones with us, you know, generates anxiety. And you know, that's the same thing as my patients who are addicted to alcohol. And the thought of not having access to alcohol at that party, or at that gathering, or when I get home, you know, is absolutely terrifying to me. So I think we really have to, you know, conceptualize these behaviors as potentially highly addictive and, you know, be thoughtful about organizing our use around them to really respect the pathophysiology. In the   Arlina Allen  35:57   first the first thought they came up here and he said, Take a tech free vacation, I was like, isn't the first week off of addiction like your worst week?   Dr Anna Lembke  36:06   It is, it is. And frankly, that's why I do recommend a full month off in order to give it enough time to reset reward pathways so that you're not craving anymore. Yeah. And then and then if you want to go back to using or you have to go back to using because you need the smartphone for your work. Really, at that point, it's much easier to be intentional and thoughtful about using differently using less barriers.   Arlina Allen  36:31   Like the self binding you were talking about.   Unknown Speaker  36:34   Right? Okay, so   Arlina Allen  36:35   I'm going to jump to that since we just talked about it. So page 93 of the book, we talk about binding and I thought that was really interesting. I loved how he used Homer's Odysseus and the sirens, the story of the sirens, how's the captain would be back on his air in time self to the boat. You know what's funny is this whole time I thought the sirens were like mermaids. They're birds.   Dr Anna Lembke  36:57   They're half bird, half human creatures who spell bind sailors with their enchanting song, lure them to the rocks, and kill them that way. Kill him. I don't know. But yeah, so the story, right is that that he he but he asks his sailors to bind him to the mast, and to put beeswax in his ear so they can get through that passage without being lowered, lowered by the sirens.   Arlina Allen  37:22   What are some of those? Okay, so we mentioned, let's see, I have a list of I had a list of soft binding, things you mentioned, you know, first thing that came to mind was rehab, that's kind of a soft binding thing. And it's the first 30 days gives you a chance for your brain to reset. Obviously, like changing your environment, removing all temptations around your house when you were talking about video games, you know, or other devices. You had an interesting, I don't want to spoil the book for anybody, but you had an interesting client or patient that had a machine. Right, right, machine. But anyway, he broke in her head and did all kinds of crazy things to try to avoid it. bless his heart, that must have been awful. But yeah, so we do all kinds of self binding practices or so but I kind of wanted to relay that relate that to medications, would you consider medications a self binding? practice?   Dr Anna Lembke  38:25   Yeah, I think they really can be so for example, if you take a medication like now trek zone, which blocks the opioid receptor, that's been shown to help people reduce or stop opioids because obviously if the receptors blocked opioids like heroin or fake it in whatever it is, can't bind, but alcohol is also mediated through our own endogenous opioid system. So when the naltrexone is on the opioid receptor, alcohol is not as reinforcing. And so that can help people either stop drinking alcohol or reduce the number of drinks on drinking days. So it's a nice medicine to help people not only whose goal is abstinence, but also who have a goal of moderation. You know,   Arlina Allen  39:09   I have a client who has a family member, let's say is probably physically addicted alcohol is naltrexone use for somebody that you're chemically detoxing or medically detoxing. Is that a is that a drug that   Dr Anna Lembke  39:24   we we think of detox which is that period of helping somebody through acute withdrawal, especially potentially life threatening withdrawal and say that alcohol withdrawal can be life threatening benzodiazepine withdrawal can be life threatening that Xanax, Valium, Klonopin, advant opioid withdrawal can be life threatening. So if you're somebody who's so physically dependent on alcohol, benzos, or opioids, that you're going to go into life threatening withdrawal, you wouldn't want to just quit, you know, you would want to go see a doctor and have a medically supervised you know, medically managed withdrawal All we really think of addiction treatment or recovery as beginning, when acute withdrawal is over. Oh god, no, naltrexone is a medicine that we would use to help somebody get into and maintain recovery. It's not a medicine that we use in in acute withdrawal.   Arlina Allen  40:22   Okay, so that's after acute withdrawal. That's right. Yeah, that's important. Let's talk a little bit about I like that you have dopamine as an acronym on page 88. Okay, he had it summarized in that little, and a picture. I like pictures. Can we go over the what it stands for?   Dr Anna Lembke  40:44   Yeah. So the dopamine acronym is really just a framework for how to initially approach the problem of compulsive overconsumption, or in some cases, addiction. This is a framework that is good choice in people who are not so physically dependent, that they're going to go into life threatening withdrawal. And it wouldn't be a good framework for somebody who had already repeatedly tried to stop on their own and just was incapable somebody, for example, who was injecting heroin multiple times a day and just couldn't even go for a day without so that that would be somebody who would really need a higher level of care. But for those of us who have maybe mild to moderate addiction, or maybe aren't even addicted yet, but we're on our way to becoming addicted and or just engaging in compulsive overconsumption. This dopamine acronym kind of outlines a basic framework, and the D stands for data. And that's where I asked patients to describe to me what they're using, how much how often, and just by getting them to articulate to another human being what they're doing, that often brings into relief, their actual use in a way that they can be in denial about as long as it's just kind of this amorphous behavior in their heads. So I really like to start with just asking them in a non judgmental way, you know, how much are you on social media? How many hours a day? What are you doing? The O of dopamine stands for objectives. And this really gets into why why is it that you're doing that drug, or that behavior? What's positive about it for you, because I really do think that even irrational behaviors make some sense, subjectively, and so it's important for us to understand what's driving that individual's behavior. And then the P of dopamine stands for problems, that's when we get into, you know, what's problematic about your use, I understand why you do it, I understand what's good about it, what's problematic about it, and that can range to everything from you know, it's not working anymore. Like it used to do X, Y, and Z for me, and it's not doing those things, too, it costs a lot of money to it's interfering with my relationships work with my ability to do schoolwork, with my health. So there are many, many different reasons that people people will say, often, you know, in the way they do it, that it's, you know, to solve a problem, like anxiety or depression, but it may not be solving that problem anymore.   Arlina Allen  43:13   Sorry. So you get them sort of in touch with specifics. Yeah. So yeah, so you're not asserting pressure? Because I think I used to be a sales grown and sales, they teach you not to pressure people because it viscerally creates resistance. Yeah, right. Right. But when you ask somebody like, what, what problems is it caused? Like, what specifically what caught? What problems? Is it causing for you? They're coming up with their own. Like, I went through that experience to specific consequences that were a problem for me,   Dr Anna Lembke  43:47   right? Yeah, you basically ask them just to be objective and analytical about their own subjective experience. And just kind of, you know, go, Hey, you know, this is what I do. And this is, this is how it makes me feel.   Arlina Allen  44:00   You know, what I love about science when it comes to addiction? Is it kind of depersonalized is that because we experienced so much shame and guilt? And we did terrible? Listen, I did, did some terrible and embarrassing things when I was drinking and using they caused guilt and shame, right? Well, when I started to understand the mechanics of why I fell into the trap in the first place, was sort of depersonalized it a little bit, right and took away some of the guilt and shame. And I love this approach of objective analytical sciency stuff, because it does sort of make it more easier for me to then accept the solution.   Dr Anna Lembke  44:37   Yeah, you realize it's not about your it's not that you're a bad person, it's that it's a bad disease. And these are highly addictive substances and behaviors and they were engineered to hook us, right. The a of dopamine is really the the key intervention and that's where I ask patients to abstain from their drug of choice for 30 days. Why 30 days because that's an amount of time that most people can wrap their head around and I say never drink again. I'm Not going to be very persuasive, but I say, Hey, can you give it up for 30 days, please, I can, I can probably do that. The other thing again is that 30 days is the minimum amount of time it takes for those neural adaptation Gremlins to hop off the pain side of the balance for homeostasis to be restored, which is just another way of saying that's the amount of time it takes for us to up regulate our dopamine receptors and dopamine transmission so that we can widen our lens start to enjoy other things, but also look back and see true cause and effect because when we're chasing dopamine we really don't see the impact that it has on our lives.   Arlina Allen  45:37   It's so we get so blind that's like the denial part, right? Yeah, we lose completely lose perspective.   Dr Anna Lembke  45:43   That's right. The hard thing about getting patients to you know engage in this in this task is that many of them come in feeling bad already, right? They're looking fresh and anxiety and then I'm suggesting to do something that's going to actually make them feel worse and worse. But what I say to them it's kind of like getting you know treatment for cancer it's it's really hard when you're in it, but when you come out the other side of it, it'll it'll be worth it and potentially life saving, saving. Yeah. And then the The M is stands for mindfulness is just a way to sit with feelings, including negative, scary, strange feelings, without judgment and also without reaction without trying to get rid of those feelings. insight of dopamine acronym, just stands for how this this experiment really does give us an enormous amount of insight often into how addicted we really are. Because like I said, we were we will tend to minimize and normalize and you know, in the book, I talk about my my own romance novel reading addiction. So   Unknown Speaker  46:42   funny as all I'm right there with you, girl. Until I like, Oh, yeah, right. As it is embarrassing. my   Arlina Allen  46:48   mic, as   Unknown Speaker  46:49   I know, it is.   Arlina Allen  46:51   My boys are like sparkly vampires. What   Dr Anna Lembke  46:53   is right, right, I know, two additional ways that we are sort of incontinent around our desires is always shame producing. It's interesting. Yeah. But, but you know, this is really again, just a way to gather data, do an experiment, gain insight. And it's an embodied physical experiment, I think that's really key, too, because so much of our mental health interventions are asking patients to sort of just rearrange their thoughts. But this is a really physical thing where you know, you go into withdrawal, you know, when you feel that physically, and it's painful. So kind of asking people to embrace something that's painful in the service of feeling better in the long run. And then N stands for next steps. That's when people come back after a month, if they were able to do it, I say, Okay, do you want to keep abstaining? Or do you want to go back to using and most of them say they want to go back to using what they want to use in moderation? Yeah. And sometimes   Arlina Allen  47:48   disappointing for you to hear, like, does that make you nervous, you know,   Dr Anna Lembke  47:51   sometimes, because sometimes my choice for them really would be absence, and I kind of know that they're not going to be able to moderate. But you know, you got to meet patients where they are. And if I try to railroad them into it, it's not going to work pressure, sometimes they just have to go out and get more data and go through that loop a couple more times. And they're like, you know, what, I think I'm better off abstaining. I that's much more persuasive than if I try to tell them, that's not really gonna work for you. The other thing I would say is I have had patients who surprised me, and actually with enormous effort, were able to abstain sometimes even when they were able to do it, though they said it wasn't worth it, it took too much effort and energy, that it was easier to abstain. But importantly, there are no drugs that we use that we can't abstain from, like food, or like our smartphones so hard. Yeah. Or sex. I mean, I think most of us think of sex as, as a part of, you know, a healthy part of a healthy life. But then that idea of Well, how do we moderate becomes important, I think, for all of us, even for those of us who are trying to abstain from our drug of choice, because, because we're just bombarded by these highly rewarding substances and behaviors. And so we're all we're all challenged with, you know, abstention, and moderation and, and I really think that people in recovery, you know, as I say, in the book, our modern day profits for the rest of us kind of can show us how to live in this token saturated world. So just to finish off, then e of dopamine stands for experiment. That's where people go back out and implement what they've learned now with a pleasure pain pathway that's at the homeostatic level place. You know, so they can go out and have a better chance of being successful with moderation, or abstinence, or whatever it is.   Arlina Allen  49:39   Yeah. Thank you for going through that and being able to remember all the things you were super smart, I would not have been able to do that off the top of my head. A couple of questions came up from as you were going through that. So I just find it like such a paradox that you know, people with these use disorder. have such as high tolerance for pain on one hand like the consequences and on on the other hand we have such an in ability we have like this avoidance of emotional pain right and I just wonder I heard this I was watching this show things totally unrelated But anyway, I was watching the show called meat eater and this guy was talking about how and as a hunter, you know, human beings have something called shifting baseline syndrome. Have you ever heard of that idea? The idea is that as human evolution through human evolution or as societies change, we have good time feast and famine right? And so we have this ability to normalize lower standards of living, right and so in Alcoholics Anonymous that we talk about seeking lower companionship or like this is okay this is okay. Yeah, and so I was like that is so funny. But at the same time when it comes to paint like emotional pain tolerance, it feels like we're living in this really weird worldwide we're experiencing or we're creating all this pain for ourselves because we're you know, you drink in us you spend all your money and you're in all this pain and so what do you do you drink and use more to because you can't tolerate the pain you know, it's just such a weird place to be we have this and I feel like in all fairness that most people have an avoidance of emotional pain what are some of the ways I mean I feel like you know the great thing about a it was like we have community like it's a ready made community to help us get through emotional pain. I shared with you earlier that my mom is ill I just found out last week that she's terminally ill. And I'm not insensitive, and he might be a little bit maybe a little bit numb. But I have found I so I've been 27 years sober. It used to be if I got stood up on a date, I would go on a bender, like I couldn't tolerate it. Now I'm sober a long time. My mom is really sick. And it doesn't even occur to me to use what happened to my brain. From that, you know what I'm saying? It's like, yeah, oh, yeah. Now what happened to my brain?   Dr Anna Lembke  52:17   Well, I mean, your your brain is not any longer in that addiction cycle, your brain is at a homeostatic baseline. And it might even be tipped slightly to the side of pleasure such that you have the mental calluses and the resilience to withstand even enormously painful things like, you know, the potential loss of a loved one. Well, I'm again, I just think that thinking about the balance and the neurophysiology and that what happens when people are in their addiction loop is that they're essentially walking around with a pleasure pain balance tipped chronically to the side of pain, their dopamine transmission is at chronically lower levels. And so there's an enormous physiologic drive, to get their drug and to prioritize that drug over everything else, not to get high, but just to get out of pain and to feel normal. Whereas once you and that also means that even the nearest slight is going to make you feel more pain because you're already in this painful state. And that you know, what we call natural rewards, more modest rewards, food, clothing, shelter, a good conversation with a friend will no longer be adequate, right? Because you've got all these Gremlins camped out on the pain 10 pounds. Now you need a great big bolus of a supercharged potent drug, just to bring you level again. Whereas once you're in recovery, and you start to repair all of that and the Gremlins hop off and you start to upregulate, not just your own endogenous dopamine but also your endocannabinoid system, your endo opioid system, your serotonin or norepinephrine. Now you've got a pleasure pain balance, that's subtle, right? It's homeostatic it's level its sensitive, appropriately to small pleasures. It's sensitive to small pains but resilient enough to you know, quickly restore homeostasis in both directions. And you know, that's that's great. That's exactly where we want to be. Yeah, it   Arlina Allen  54:10   takes takes a lot of work takes a lot it does   Unknown Speaker  54:12   it takes a lot of vigilance and where it's you know, when you when I think about that pleasure, pain balance, it's sometimes I say it's like a teeter totter and a kid's playground, but really, it's more like a piece of plywood on a ball and you're standing on that piece and you're constantly having to move in order to keep in balance it's not a static process it's a really dynamic process that takes constant small adjustments   Arlina Allen  54:37   Yeah, and I'm glad you talked about that you're you know talking about balance and and and we only have a couple minutes and so I did want to touch on the scent. Thank you so much for writing this book. This was so such such an important book for people like me, who need to know why and need to know how and what to do about it right like we can we know ruminate on the problem. All day long, but I need to know what to do. Right? There are practical steps, tangible, practical, understandable, things to do to get better. And the idea is that and you did talk about like we can break our dopamine reward system, but you also said we can heal it. And that is the hope that this will give provides so much hope and like a real concrete, practical way that doesn't require like a you know, religion or you don't have to do like, like, I'm not knocking that at all right? Because I found that to be super helpful, but I don't know I'm a science girl at heart and I need to know why. I write I need to me, to me kind of girl at the end of the day, and at the end of the book on page 231 we're talking about your conclusion, which is the lessons of balance and you know, I've, you know, heard people say I think of balance is sort of a wide path that's not a razor's edge and I just gonna read under read you something that you wrote, you're like I already know. We all desire a respite from the world, a break from the impossible standards we often set for ourselves and others. It's natural that we would seek a reprieve from our own relentless ruminations. Oh, my God, the whole obsessive thinking, why did I do this? Why can't I do that? Look what they did to me? How could I do that to them? And then your question you pose is what if, instead of seeking oblivion by escaping from the world, we turn toward it? That is the challenge, right? That is the challenge is to, you know, Sheryl Sandberg said lean in, right, you know, but it's in the leaning in that, it we, you know, I'm always talking about let's process her resolution, right. And that requires leaning in,   Unknown Speaker  56:55   it does, yeah. And I think, you know, I mean, we're all seeking transcendence, and that loss of self, that non being where we're not ruminating and thinking about ourselves in the world, and, you know, escaping with drugs, or in my case in into fantasy novels, you know, is one way to do that, but not ultimately, a very adaptive way to do that, a better way to do that is actually to do the opposite. And really engage with the people around us with the life that we've been given, immerse ourselves in it. And when we invest in and immerse ourselves in, you know, in our real lives, they do become, you know, transcendental, they do take on a kind of luminous and numinous quality that's really enhancing that releases dopamine, but in a way that is enduring, and healthy. And so yeah, that's, I think, really the antidote to to to addiction, you know, instead of trying to run away, turn around, and immerse yourself in it.   Arlina Allen  57:57   That is the antidote simple, but not easy.   Unknown Speaker  57:59   That's not easy to do. Yeah, well, listen,   Arlina Allen  58:03   at the end of the day, that's why we all need each other. Right? You know, and, and I know from reading the book that you did your own work, and I really appreciated that about you, thank you for sharing those for your transparency and your vulnerability in the book of sharing your own, you know, struggles that you did your own work. So thank you. Thank you so much again, for this time, I'm so honored and and this was such an amazing book and where do people find? Find out more about you?   Unknown Speaker  58:32   Well, the book is available where books are sold, that's probably the best source of finding my work. It's also available on on Audible, as you mentioned, for people who'd rather listen than then read a physical book or a Kindle version. And then there's more about me on on Olympia calm or dopamine nation calm a website that was created for the book.   Arlina Allen  58:56   Listen, thank you so much for idea, tell Andrew I said “Hey”.   Unknown Speaker  59:03   All right. Yeah. Thank you so much.  

Please Subscribe For More Episodes!  Be sure to follow me on Instagram for daily inspiration: @odaatpodcast and @arlinaallen iTunes: https://apple.co/30g6ALF Spotify: https://odaatchat.libsyn.com/spotify Stitcher: https://bit.ly/3n0taNQ YouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/2UpR5Lo   Link to Judy's Book:  https://amzn.to/3DTeXet     Hello Loves, Thank you for downloading the podcast, my name is Arlina, and I'll be your host.   In case we haven't met yet, I am a certified Recovery Coach and Hypnotist. I am obsessed with all things recovery, including neuroscience, reprogramming the subconscious mind, law of attraction, all forms of personal growth and spirituality. I have been practicing abstinence from drugs and alcohol since 4/23/94, and that just goes to show, if I can do it, you can too.   Today I'm talking with Judith Grisel. She holds a PhD in Neuroscience, she's a professor at Bucknell University and author of the highly impactful book “Never Enough: the Neuroscience and Experience of Addiction”   What is so interesting about her is that once she got sober, like a lot of us, she wanted to help others suffering from addiction, but she took it to a whole other level! She got her Phd in neuroscience to try to cure addiction! I'm so in awe of her.    This book is full of the mechanics and mechanisms of addiction which really takes the shame out of having mental illness because it demonstrates that anyone could fall prey to addiction. I listened to the audio version of the book, which, btw, I loved  because her voice is so soothing, but I also got the paperback because I wanted to really study some of the concepts she goes into. Plus there's a few pictures in it so there's that.   I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did! With that, please enjoy this episode with Judy.   Transcript: Arlina Allen  0:08   Let's see. Judy, thank you so much for joining me on the podcast. I'm really happy to be here. Arlina is it okay to call you, Judy? Oh, yes. Dr. Chris. No, please. Thank you. Well, listen, I am so excited to talk to you. I have your book. I posted on social media, I was like, I have a big announcement. And I'm talking to the author of never enough the neuroscience and experience of addiction. those that know me know that I'm completely obsessed with the mind the brain. I know sometimes people think of those as two different things, but we can kind of get into it. But what I thought was so good about this book, right? And what I love about science in general, is that it has a way when we you understand sort of the mechanics of it, it kind of depersonalized us and helps us to answer or resolve the things like guilt and shame which she which seemed to me to be a block or a barrier to healing. So I thought maybe we could start first with your a little bit of your story. Like what is I know you've been sober for 35 years? Congratulations.   Unknown Speaker  1:29   It is long time. Yeah. really grateful. Yeah, I it's funny that you mentioned guilt and shame, because I, I could see in my own life, how initially, drugs end up including alcohol were sort of the self or guilt and shame that was just it is still sort of deep in my bones. I'm not sure if it's genetic, or environmental or what, but I am, well acquainted with self criticism, and just, I guess, feelings of unworthiness. And I almost didn't realize that until I had my first drink, which was right about the time of my 13th birthday. And I was a good drink. I mean, I had little sips here and there, but I got loaded for the first time at that age. And more than anything else, it was this great relief, because I suddenly either didn't care or was made, you know, kind of transiently whole in a way that was so profound, so people talk about it all the time. But it did literally feel as if that absence was running over and you know, with fullness, I guess and so, I because I was off to the races pretty pretty dramatically. I grew up in a I guess there's no such thing as a typical home, but I was certainly fairly advantaged and you know, had no big traumas. I guess that's also kind of a funny thing to say. But you know, in light of how hard it is to grow up, I think I was fairly on the easy half anyway. And, but I got this alcohol, I spent 10 years taking as much of every single mind altering drug I could find. I remember one time I found some pills and I just, you know, took them, I was kind of, and I still am, I guess a little bit all or none so I, I was definitely I went from none to all. And as a result, I was kicked out of my first school in 10th grade. It was a, you know, girls Catholic school, so they didn't go for the kind of thing I was up to. And then to colleges I was expelled from and I was homeless intermittently, often, I contracted hepatitis C sharing dirty needles. And I hated myself really, I did hate myself that was probably my bottom was as kind of self loathing, so that I was just a teeny bit unwilling even though at the time, right around the time my 23rd birthday, I thought, drugs and alcohol were the solution to my problems of the cause. I was sort of willing to go to what I thought was going to be like a spa, an educational spa, which they was treatment. This was in the 80s so I had no idea about drug treatment at all. I just heard the word treatment and it seemed to be something I deserved. So anyhow, I ended up in what was more like a hospital for crazy adolescence and, and there without drugs in my body for a few weeks, I got kind of scared at the disaster of my life. And, and I guess I wasn't you know, it's an interesting thing as we talk about how we have to sort of see it and be willing to change. I was barely willing, I feel like I was kind of plucked out of my situation. And I had just enough grace or openness. I am sort of an experimentalist at heart. And I, I think I figured they were all saying to me from going on too much, by the way. Arlina But anyway, I was saying, you know, if you want to live, you're gonna have to quit using and I thought, No way. There's got to be another way work around. Yeah, work around, there's a backdoor somewhere. So I figured I would cure my addiction was going to take me seven years, I was going to stay clean for that seven years. Well, I solved the disease of addiction, which is what everybody was saying. And then I would use and so I was open minded and totally, you know, arrogant ignorance, naive, I don't know. But I, I was willing to do seven years, I guess,   Arlina Allen  6:26   what was the seven years to get your degree? You know,   Unknown Speaker  6:28   no, I think I wasn't thinking that clearly. I figured that I started when I was 13, I was 23, I decided I wasn't really in terrible shape, you know. So it was like seven years of intense addiction. Somehow it seemed balanced to me, if I could clear it up in seven years, and then there was just no way you were gonna tell me, I was going to spend the rest of my life without drugs, which is what my life is completely about by that time. So yeah, I was scared enough to be willing enough to be open enough to try a different way temporarily. And I remember when seven years came, by the way, and went and I looked around my life was a zillion times better. It wasn't, you know, easy, by any means. But it was definitely better. And my curiosity had kind of come back. And so I, you know, kind of a data time is, you know, stuck it out. And so here I am, 35 years clean and sober, still have not cured addiction, still very interested in the role of science in understanding and treating and preventing addiction, but also recognize that there's a lot that science doesn't know. And so, yeah, I think, yeah, it's been a it's been a fun, rich trip.   Arlina Allen  8:07   It's fun. That's, that's awesome. I mean, we were people who insist on having a time that's for sure. I think that's so amazing that so so you became abstinent at 23. From then on, he became abstinent.   Unknown Speaker  8:22   I mean, I smoked a few cigarettes and I'm completely addicted to coffee, but I don't think that his account had other than nicotine, any mind altering chemicals, and I've been tempted many times, so it's not like I just said, you know, that's it for me, I guess. Yeah, just a long, long time.   Arlina Allen  8:46   You know, I knew that you and I were going to be friends when you talked in your book about like, the your love of weed. Oh, my gosh, if I there was a period of time that if I was awake, I was high. Right? I grew up in the church and the preacher's daughter. The pastor's daughter once told me she's like, I'm high. So often that not being high was as my altered reality. And I was like, Oh, my God, you're my hero. I want to be just like you. And I was. But in your book, you talk about how I see after I got sober. It took me a little over a year to go a single day without wishing for a drink. That is rough. But it was more than nine years before my craving to get high abated during that, and I think I'm so glad that you've mentioned that because I think a lot of people especially those who are 12, step oriented, are you know, they hear stories about like, the obsession to use is lifted, or they're on this pink cloud. And I think for people who don't have that experience, they feel They're doing something wrong. Right. But   Unknown Speaker  10:02   I think for Bill Wilson, right, it was just an overnight thing. And for many of us, it's sometimes slowly and for I was definitely have a slow variety. I, I really, and when I say, you know, for the craving to abate, I really seriously wish to get high for most days, those nine years. Yeah. And I, you know, the more time that went by the more, I could see what was at risk. So when I first got clean, you know, there's nothing to lose, because you're at rock bottom. But, you know, as a result of putting one foot in front of the other things got much better. So, you know, then I could kind of see that, and then I remember so well, I can almost taste it the experience of not wanting to smoke, and I can remember how all the sudden, I was okay to be in concerts that were indoors with good weed around me. Or, you know, I was sort of indifferent. Like I was like, I had been to alcohol. You know, I'm, I have served alcohol to friends. And I was kind of in that position, like, I don't care if you smoke or not. And then it got I had the craving come back. I was, I was joke about this, but right around menopause. I just knew that, for me, an antidote to the anxiety and just sort of the brittle angst of hormonal changes, I guess was going, you know, could be smoking. And, you know, anxiety is so epidemic, and I hadn't really had a ton of it until, and there was other things going on in the world, we can just say at that. But, anyhow, oh my gosh, and I think I say this in the book, too. But I, I, at the time, I was thinking maybe I'll get cancer and my doctors make me smoke. And then little I do you know, I mean, I was wishing for, you know, some kind of serious illness. So   Arlina Allen  12:23   our minds play funny tricks on us, it doesn't matter how long you're sober. It's just weird layer. If that was ever a solution in your mind. I've heard that dopamine is like the Save button. Right? I don't know if you've ever heard of Dr. Andrew Haberman, he talks about how in nature like a deer that will find water, they get like dopamine is released. And that's how they remember where the water is. And it's almost similar for us. Like when we do something that makes us feel good. Dopamine is then released. And it helps us to remember what made us feel good. And I feel like it's burned in my psyche that if I take a bomb hat that I'm going to feel good. And I have other solutions, but it's all it's I don't think that idea is ever gonna leave me, you know, 27 years sober. I was telling you earlier that my younger son went to rehab. And this all was predicated because we found a Bag of Weed in his room and duty, I had not held a bag of marijuana for almost 30 years. And when it was in my hand, this plastic baggie, it was like I was a teenager again. And my inner drug addict was like, well, maybe we should, maybe we could maybe maybe. And I was like, I was actually a little alarmed almost a little bit of shame. Like seriously, after all this time, after all the work I've done. It's still there. I mean, it's just so engrained in my brain, I guess.   Unknown Speaker  14:00   Absolutely. And I think the one of the interesting things about the story, you just told us that the ability of a drug to make to release dopamine is different across the population. So for some people, that marijuana let's say, or alcohol doesn't do much to that for me, and for other people. It's really a potent signal. And I think that is part of the reason some of us are more at risk than others and and also the reason why it's not a really reasonable argument to say, you know, why don't they just put it down because it is like a thirsty person finding water as opposed to somebody who's completely satisfied finding water, you know, you can take it or leave it. So I think that's true. And also the brain. You know, learning is absolutely persistent. So Pretty sure we will both be I guess subject to those kinds of, you know, triggers through our until we die.   Arlina Allen  15:11   Yeah, maybe, maybe this is a good time to ask you, you know, what is what's different in that? So you're you have your PhD in neuroscience. And you know, he got sober and went on this quest to cure addiction. What have you found that's different about the brain of people who get addicted so quickly?   Unknown Speaker  15:34   Mm hmm. Well, I guess the, what I want to say first is that it's not simple, I thought I was gonna be a little switch that we were going to discover, and I wasn't alone in this, I think this was scientific understanding in the 80s, we'll find that, you know, broken switch or molecule or circuit and fix it. It's definitely not that way. So the causes of addiction are very complex and intersectional. They involve differences in dopamine and other genetic liabilities, or protective factors that make the the initial sensitivity to a drug, different across different people. So some try a drug for the first time and absolutely love it. About a third of people, for instance, try opiates and don't like them at all. And they usually try them in the doctor's office, but they find them aversive. So obviously, that's a good protective,   Arlina Allen  16:40   meaning, meaning they don't like the way they feel. Yeah, so weird to me,   Unknown Speaker  16:45   largely genetic. I know. Right? So very big individual differences. And then there are sex differences. So women tend to appreciate drugs that provide relief. And then justice is overgeneralizing a little bit Sure, overall, tend to appreciate drugs that make them feel good. And so women don't want to feel bad, and drugs help with that, certainly, especially and men like to feel good. Another big factor, and probably the largest factor more than genetic liability is adolescent exposure. So kids, like your son and my daughter are tuned into Well, they have, they have a particular kind of brain that is the adolescent brain that is really prone to trying new things, really prone to not worrying is certainly abstractly worrying about consequences. So they're less cautious. And they, they want to buck against whatever they're told, they shouldn't do. And those three traits like novelty seeking, and risk taking, and not really caring about consequences are ones that help them to become adults, if they just listened to their parents until they were 35. No one would really like that. So they they're designed to kind of say, not this, you know, I'm making my own way, which would be good if there wasn't so many high potency, dangerous ways of escaping at their fingertips. So I think through most of our evolutionary history, these you know, kids having that tendency is is no problem. The other thing that kids have in their brains are different about is that, and we all know this, they are terrific at learning. I'm teacher, and it's crazy, because and you probably noticed this with your own children, but they don't seem to even be paying attention. yet. They are like sponges information really goes in. And if they were learning French, or if they're learning addiction, both ways, their brain is really quick to take the experience and build it into the structures so that it's lasting, and I can learn French, or addiction, but your chances are so much lower. So if you start using any addictive drug, before you're 18 you have about a 25% chance of developing a substance use disorder. And the earlier you start using, the higher the chance, I started 13 so you know it was basically more likely than not. And that's because 13 year olds are great at picking up new information, much better than 33 year olds. So they if you if you Wait, on the other hand till you're 21, your chances are one in 25.   Arlina Allen  20:06   Wow, I told   Unknown Speaker  20:07   my kids that and I tell my students that and they all ignore me. Why? Because they're high novelty seeking high risk taking, and they don't really want to listen to the, you know, concerns or worries. I mean, that's not how they're designed. So we're in a kind of a perfect storm for them. And that, that is the best predictor of developing a problem starting early is starting or like,   Arlina Allen  20:30   you know what terrifies me nowadays I have a nephew who's 26 years old. And he's had four friends died from accidental fentanyl overdose, because for whatever reason, drug dealers are putting fentanyl and everything. And you know, these are pretty well adjusted kids. I don't think it's I know that there's a certain percentage of the population who indulge a little bit who don't have a disorder. Or maybe that's Yeah, is that is that true?   Unknown Speaker  21:02   Well, it's, it's more true if you start at 26. And if you start at 16, as I just said, but I think the reason that nose and everything is because it is so is it a traffic, it's so so potent, that a tiny bit can get the whole town high. So it's really advantageous to traffickers. And also, because people are having access to more and more chemicals. And when they start early, especially their reward pathway, the dopamine pathway we've been talking about is kind of desensitized, so they can't, you know, have a cup of wine coolers that doesn't do the trick at all anymore, they need something a little more, because they're sort of immune to the that dopamine, squirt? So yeah, unfortunately, I think that's another reason it's not gonna. We, I think focus, we've also noticed lately that there's more and more overdoses from methamphetamine, and then from somebody who's been looking at the trends for a long time, it's always be something and there's always going to be more potent, whatever. So it's not the drug itself, as much as this very narrow ledge that more and more of us are on trying to, I guess, medicate reality. And and so, you know, I think, I don't know how that is for your nephew. But it's a terrible lesson to have to learn for all of us.   Arlina Allen  22:51   It's just, it just makes me sick. I mean, I think there was a report that was released, I think it was at the end of March, there was a 12 year period that they were measuring overdoses that ended in March, and I think they track like 80,000 deaths. And, and I just think about all the families like all the mothers, all the all the fathers and siblings, and just everybody that's affected by so many deaths, and   Unknown Speaker  23:19   and I think a 40% increase in those deaths over the last year with COVID. So the isolation as Alicia is, has made, and also the the higher, you know, the more likely you are to find fentanyl, and whatever it is you're taking at, which is just hard to prepare for I think, biologically. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's, it's tragic. It's so tragic.   Arlina Allen  23:50   And then and then so my mind naturally goes, Well, what can we do about it? You know, it's like, we can understand, I love how, you know, science will sort of break down the mechanics. And once we understand, you know, alcohol is addictive drugs are addictive. I mean, there's a reason why they're illegal, right? It's because they're so harmful. But, you know, and then we can get into the causes, right? Like you mentioned, it's a very complex issue, you know, we you mentioned, do you that you didn't have any big trauma growing up, but I feel like, you know, we were sort of in that generation where we were not like things like ADHD and anxiety and depression weren't really talked about a whole lot. And we really didn't know how to treat those. And so our parents handled us with a lot of tough love. I got a lot of tough love and you know, from reading your book and listening to your interviews, it sounds like you were raised with that as well. And then your Can we just talk a little bit about your dad, like I wonder what it was. We talk a lot about science and it sort of leaves God out a little bit. But in my experience, it feels like there are things that are sort of serendipitous or magical about the unusual things that happen that lead us to a life of recovery. Like, what was your dad's role and your recovery?   Unknown Speaker  25:23   Um, yeah. So, so much in that question, especially, I guess I want to start by saying that I agree that we did not recognize trauma, and anxiety and all mental illnesses, wait, their response was, was so different, I think. And in my house, it was to push through both my father's parents were immigrants. And he dealt with life by controlling everything he could. And that worked great until he, you know, met 13 year old me. And I was absolutely out of control, by definition, and   Arlina Allen  26:11   he would have been terrifying to me.   Unknown Speaker  26:13   I was terrified. And I was I was, like, determinately, out of control. I mean, that was my goal to be absolutely out of control. And the more both my parents tried to kind of constrain me, the less manageable I was, and I guess I, I don't think I'm unique in this. I mean, I've raised three children. And so it's something built into the teenage neurobiology. And I had it probably in spades. So his way of life because   Arlina Allen  26:45   you're smart, smart kids are harder to race.   Unknown Speaker  26:48   I don't know. I'm also, one thing I like about myself more than if I have any smartness is, is that I'm, I guess, strong willed. And so I don't know if that actually goes with intelligence or not, but I'm not the one who's following so much. And so I wasn't named, I wasn't influenced really by too much of what people, you know, just like you said, you know, you try to get the information out. Drugs are dangerous, but it doesn't really have an impact my kids have grown up with man, they've been sort of forced to look at graphs and things. And, you know, they'll say to me, my daughter said to me the other day, you know, I know all this. But and that is sort of how I was, and I didn't know that much. My mother was giving me a reader's digest reprints you know, of how lead would damage your ovaries and stuff. But anyway, you're like,   Arlina Allen  27:49   Oh, good, I will get pregnant.   Unknown Speaker  27:51   No, I didn't. Yeah, wasn't on my radar at all. But anyhow, my father, because I think it was so painful to be around me. And to watch me his strategy, which is kind of in our family, I guess, was just denial that he even had a daughter. So during a period, after they kicked me out of the house, right about my 10th birthday. He, he would, and he would say that he had two sons. It was just too much for him. And this is kind of the way he is. So it's, and I think it's fragile. That's what he was. And he was raised to be fragile, because it was a lot to worry about, because they were poor immigrants and you know, a million ways to not make it and I think that's common for a lot of people today. So my father was just able to block it out. And we have a family friend who I dedicated the book to father, Marty Devereaux, who is this kind of an unbelievable, interesting person. He's in his 80s. Now, we're still good friends, but he is a psychologist, and has a lot of experience with addiction and also a Catholic priest. And he told my father, and don't my father's not really Catholic. I mean, he was raised Catholic, but that doesn't mean too much these days. So anyway, he   Arlina Allen  29:19   Where was he from? Marty Devereaux?   No, I'm sorry. Your said Your father was an immigrant. Oh,   Unknown Speaker  29:24   he was born in Atlantic City. But his mother was from Slovenia, and his father from Switzerland. And they met in Central Park. They were both, you know, one was a baker one was a housecleaner. And they sent two sons to college and wow. Yeah, I mean, you know, I think it's a pretty typical American story. Yeah, yeah. But um, anyway, Marty said take her out to dinner and bring her flowers like on a date. Well, I have No idea what how my father did this because he's, he's just not the type to waste any money on flowers, or two. And I was when I say I think I tried to convey this in the book. But when I imagined myself now at that moment, I was pretty deplorable. I was probably quite smelly and dirty. I was, at this point, sort of living in a one bedroom apartment with many people. And I was pretty gross. So anyway, this is when you were 23. I was not quite 23. So his takeaway? Yeah, so we he picked me up and you know, so not only was I gross, I was completely belligerent. I, I thought that my parents were terrible. And I didn't want any part of their fascist, you know, existence. And yet, I deserved a nice dinner, of course. So my big dilemma, I will not I really can still almost feel this was how we were going for early bird dinner, because it's my dad. And I'm very frugal. Yeah, he is wealthy and frugal. And   Arlina Allen  31:27   that's how I get wealthy.   Unknown Speaker  31:28   Yeah, I mean, this is sort of the first thing I guess. But anyway,   Arlina Allen  31:32   and that was a dad begged my dad, maybe it is a dead   Unknown Speaker  31:35   thing. He was also an airline pilot, so just not extremely cautious. He still is. And he's, he's in his 80s today, and we have a great relationship. But anyway, I was so stuck, because when he was picking me up, maybe quarter to five, but I had to figure out between 11 when I woke up and six hours later, how to be not too high when he came, you know, high enough, but not too high. And of course, this is harder and harder to achieve at this point in my life, because I could either be passed out or getting ready to be I mean, it was just hard to find that place. So anyway, he picks me up, he takes me out. And he said, and we talked about this still. Dude, I just wanting you to be happy. And I guess I should say, he doesn't remember saying that. But I know he said it. Because it was the most unlikely words that could ever come. And this is sort of what you were getting at, I guess where did those words come from? They're not my dad. My dad was worried about my teeth and the way you know, a lot of things but not my happiness ever. No, probably it's hard for him. And I had of course, no. No adequate response to that because I was absolutely miserable. And it went right into my heart. I fell apart. Yeah, it was a funny like tears   Arlina Allen  33:10   in my eyes. Just to think that the hard ass dad was so sweet, right? When you needed it the most. I know,   Unknown Speaker  33:17   you know what he tells me now it's funny. He, I was so out of it. I guess I don't remember the flowers. But he took me in his very clean car and my friends I guess to the beach to go for a swim that same day, that same after dinner. And we got to fill the sand. And that's what he remembers as his biggest stretch. And what I remember as his biggest stretch is him reaching across the table with his heart and saying, I want you to live basically. I mean, he sent me how I think he he met a lot by that. And my mother was not invited to the dinner. I hadn't spoken with her in a long time either. But she had been researching treatment centers for years she had had a court order actually in Florida, there's an act where you can commit somebody because of their addictions. And they thought over that a lot. But anyway, next thing I knew they flew me to a treatment center, which of course I had no idea what I was getting into and saved my life really. That place did. So I feel really fortunate that I had that opportunity to wake up a little bit as I think for the chances are that my father wouldn't have said that my mother wouldn't have had the resources to know what to do and I would have died on the streets probably not too much longer.   Arlina Allen  34:52   I feel like that really speaks to you know, people just didn't have solutions, right and they get so far straighted that their only choice is to disown right. Like I had that same experience with my mom, she disowned me on a regular basis, like she was an immigrant from Mexico. And although my father was, you know, his, his people have been here a long time. Like, they didn't know what to do with me either. And, you know, my dad was always the sweet and nurturing one, but he was, you know, he's former Marine, he was a government guy, he was kind of a hard ass, and in a lot of respects, but, you know, our parents, you know, just, it's just speaks to the love of a parent, you know, you want to save your kids. You know, you see your kids are suffering and like, my mother just didn't know how she was so frustrated that she would disown me on a regular basis. But I think when I think it's the contrast between like, a little bit of sweetness goes a long way, because it's not what we're used to. It's so shocking. Like, shocking to the system,   Unknown Speaker  36:00   let's thought about it a lot, because I do think there's a, I had a boyfriend at the time who died. Oh, overdose. And his parents were extremely sweet. So it's hard. And you could say they sweeted him into his last big use, but um, I don't know that there's a recipe I think if if there was one thing that, that I tried to do with is to show up and be honest, and I think it was so painful for my parents, both of my parents to just grapple with what happened to their little girl, that their tendency was to not show up. And I don't blame them. I mean, it's it's tough. It's tough raising teenagers sometimes because they're not that it's almost unrecognizable, you know, from the sweet nine year olds, or the 99 might become, but I think what we're called to do for each other is to tell the truth, not their truth. You know, I don't you know, you're speaking from him first himself. He said, Yeah, I was. I mean, I think this was true for him, I think, really at the core, and somehow he had the grace to find it. What all he really wants and all, probably any parent wants their kid to be well, and whatever well looks like for us. And I think the fact that he could say that was kind of miraculous.   Arlina Allen  37:42   Very, yeah, that was absolutely. sneak up for Marty, right?   Unknown Speaker  37:47   Yeah, yeah. Exactly. No, I   Arlina Allen  37:50   think yeah, it's, it's just, yeah, my mom was, she was really tough. And I remember growing up, she's going through her second divorce. And all my hair started falling out, like a lot I was under, and nobody knew what was going on. And you know, when it ended is one day, she let me curl up in her lap and cry. I had a good cry. And then my hair stopped falling out after that. Wow. Yeah. And I think it was like, there needs to be this balance. Like I feel like as a parent I attend like we tell our kids that we love them all the time. And I almost feel like maybe we maybe it's a little too much sweetness. You know, I have I have the the hard ass edge me because I think I inherited that from my mom. But you know it when you get something different from your parent, it is kind of jolting. It is kind of healing, it can be life changing, if it's different. So if you're sweet all the time, when you show up with boundaries that can be jolting. When you're a hard ass your whole life and you show up with a little bit of sweetness. It can be start, it's like a pattern interrupt, you know that. It's just kind of interesting. And I wanted to ask you a little bit   Unknown Speaker  39:09   of a story, by the way. But your mother obviously was disappointed, you know, and her own struggles, but that she was able to be with you. And warning I think that is really a bridge.   Arlina Allen  39:28   That was it made me feel you know, like the talk about original wounds, like I don't matter, or I'm unlovable because I'm either too much or not good enough. Right. Or maybe that I'm alone, you know, those original wounds, and I feel like I had all those but my mom, you know, in that moment, it's like those, like that moment that your dad had like they were willing to do something different. Like they had a glimmer of hope, like somebody gave them hope and they decided to do something different. And that's kind of what But you said your dad reached across the table with his heart, you know, and it was like, there is something that's transmitted, like when people are really vulnerable and honest and coming from their heart. That's so healing. Right? And I feel like that's a lot of what recovery has been about for me is that just that willing to be vulnerable and have a degree of humility, it's a lot of times kind of, like forced humility. It's like, like, I have to get honest about what what's really going on, so that I can get the solution. But you know, as a parent, you know, we're talking about our kids, and how do we reach our kids, because I think that's, you know, in this day and age, a lot of us that have had addiction issues, you know, we're worried about passing it down to our kids. And we thought we were talking earlier about leading by example, right, we need to lead by example for our kids, and it's so hard to know, I felt like we're walking this fine line. Because, you know, kids commit suicide all the time, like, you know, and the, there's all these ideas, like kids are like, a very aware of anxiety and depression, and being socially awkward, and there seems to be, you know, and as a parent, it's like, you want to encourage them to get help and take responsibility for their feelings at the same time, you don't want to push them too hard, because that is the ultimate threat is that they will commit suicide. Right. And it's, and I know that they're taking drugs to medicate, I took drugs to medicate. And I used to say that, you know, drugs, drugs, were my savior for a long time. If, if I had to feel, you know, especially those young years 1415 if I had to feel all the feelings, because I didn't have any coping skills, I don't know that I would have survived. So, you know, I know you've been trying to cure addiction, and what are some of the things that, you know, besides leading by example, for our kids, how can we, how do we, how do we fix this duty? How do we,   Unknown Speaker  42:08   I think we show up for each other is to start I don't know. But I, I do feel, and everybody says this, I guess every generation notices this, but I do think it is an inordinately challenging time to be growing up. I was saying to a student in my office, not too long ago, you know, if you're not anxious, you're crazy. Because and crazy is probably not the right word for Psychology at it. You know, and here I am a psychologist, I'm not all that correct times. But I think that you at least if you're not anxious, and you're growing up right now, you're somehow blind and deaf, or in denial, yeah, or in a massive denial, which I don't even know, I think that I think what's different, and what shifted for my dad, and what continues to be something that I work on, is to respond to all this pain, the natural response is to sort of curl up and close in, and to hide, and to take ourselves away. And as addicts you know, I still have a great capacity for denial that I have to check all the time. But I also found many tools to use. And that's why drugs are so compelling, because it was like, boom, you know, you've got a 10 foot wall now, between you and any realities, are safe and cozy, and delightful. And I think kids find drugs, you know, to do the same thing, but they also are stuck in a way because face it, that it's a tear, it's a hard time for any of us to be on the planet. And there's not a lot of great models of going through that awake and an honest and I guess, you know, I just try to put myself in the position of a nine year old, knowing, you know, probably on Instagram and every other thing, you know, how much suffering there is or is about to be. And then seeing the many ways, drugs and other ways that adults around are medicating and escaping. And even though you and I have been able to put down drugs, I think, at least for me, I guess I can still do want I naturally want to distance myself. And I don't I think that is a way to kind of abandon the nine year olds. I don't know how old you were when you're here was five out but I think as about maybe than nine or 10 Yeah, the metaphor is put our heads on each other's laps and, and just cry, you know, cry or or whimper or hope or try or touch each other I think in touch each other in the in the true spot where there is anxiety and depression and fear because if we can't do that and there's so many opportunities to escape I you know we're in a kind of a vortex going down the drain here because the more we escaped the worst things grow around us because we don't have to deal with them. And then the young people see oh my gosh, it's, you know, this is a crazy house. This being Earth. So I, I think or your family, I suppose but I, I guess we're both your mother and my father were able to do was recognize, you know, the truest piece of themselves and their children and respond honestly. Yeah. And that sometimes that might be kindness, sometimes that might not be kindness. But I think it's honesty, that's the, the, the thing we're really lacking or, or, you know, maybe the, the lifesaver would be Yeah,   Arlina Allen  46:44   I think in that moment, there was, you know, a high degree of empathy. Bernie Brown is a shame researcher, she talks about empathy is the antidote to shame. Right? I've heard people say that, you know, this is a disease of isolation and connection is the cure. And you know, I really feel like connection is one of those one of those solutions to all this, like, we need to connect with each other. We're, you know, as human beings, we actually really need each other.   Unknown Speaker  47:15   Oh, my goodness, yeah.   Arlina Allen  47:17   Yeah, I need to be around easily cope with stress   Unknown Speaker  47:20   is by social support. And there's tons of evidence that social support, not only mitigates, but also reverses the effects of stress. And it is, you know, surely a big part of, of getting better as individuals and also as communities and families, I think, recognizing that and it's tough because my parents kicked me out your your mother disowned you. And partly for me that facing the consequences of my decisions was helpful. But I do think that's harder because fentanyl wasn't around. You know, you you don't want to face them in the ultimate, you know, right, way too early. So I guess as parents we, we try to block a very tough line these weird. Yeah, it is hard.   Arlina Allen  48:23   Yeah. But I'm glad to hear that there's evidence that shows that social support mitigates and reverses stress, that's amazing. It kind of confirms everything that we knew, right? Like, we got sober we got social support, we, you know, had lots of people who had done it before us so learning by example, I hear that hope I've heard hope is hearing other people's experiences, which is why I do the podcast right? You know, people that listen, go Okay, you know, we can talk about the mechanics how, how the brain works, and all that and how it's affected by alcohol. And you know why it's a bad idea. But then hearing about like the turning point, like when your dad reached out to you, and you were at that place where I'm sure you had you were sick and tired of being sick and tired. Ready, just ready enough, you talk about just having just a tiny bit of willingness. It's a little chink in the armor. How long were you in that? That rehab in the 80s   Unknown Speaker  49:29   I was in for 20 days, which seemed like nine years and then I was in a halfway house for three months, which I calculated at the time so I know this is true was 1/27 of my life or something. I forget how I did that or something like that. I had some kind of crazy mula totally a rip off. I was so furious. But I, I was, like I say at the turning point, and there's been so many times, you know, I know where things are. Lena, we're talking about openness. And I think one way I could be honest, is to say, even after setting addiction for 35 years, and having all this personal and scientific experience, I still need to be open to all I don't know. And certainty is a lie, you know, certainty is the biggest illusion. And so here we are kind of trying to get through. And I think that is what I first had in my I was very certain until I'm in the treatment center. And I'm asked to try a different way. And I was troubled, because on one way I went, and I could see my way was not going great. Like it was really not going well. And I could see that without the drugs, you know, for a few weeks. But to do an another way that was extremely vague and chancy, and, you know, just seemed really crazy. To me. I was just stuck. And that, like you say this, just a tiny bit willing to say, I don't know. And, okay, you know, and this is a still, I think where I am I one of the things I love about recovery the most is that it is always different. And, you know, I thought that drugs were gonna give me this great, you know, every day is a big surprise, you know, who knows if it's the cops or that whatever. It just turned out to be adrenaline, but it was a grind, it was not really novel or interesting. And in fact, 35 years later, I'm I'm just astounded by how much mystery there is, in any day. It's just breathtaking. So I guess that I have to show up for that, you know, I have to not buy into the lie that I know exactly what I'm doing. Right?   Arlina Allen  52:20   I think the more we learn, the more we realize we don't know, a lot. You know, yeah, that is a I do love that about recovery is that every day is kind of new again, you know, and that we don't have to, and there's so much interesting research going on. Now I know that, you know, and I didn't I feel like we're running out of time, but that there is so much research now on helping people with chronic addiction through things like psychedelics. It's just like, you know, I I practice abstinence. So that's, let's face it, my life is fine. Like I don't, you know, need that. But for the chronic alcoholic who meets some criteria of like, you know, post traumatic stress disorder, and things like that. I know, Johns Hopkins is doing some interesting studies about that. That Yeah, there's still so much to learn about, about the brain and addiction and how to help people. Where do you see the focus of your work in the next, I don't know, five to 10 years?   Unknown Speaker  53:28   Well, can I just respond to this thing about the psychedelic so   Arlina Allen  53:33   Oh, sure. Yeah, cuz Yeah, you wrote a lot about it, and you're But well, I read some about   Unknown Speaker  53:36   And I think it's congruent with what other people are writing to that it may be those drugs may be a useful tool. But it reminds me that they go back to what you were saying earlier, the the benefit of those drugs is in their ability to help us connect with something bigger than ourselves, you know, which could be the love of other people. And I think that it reminds me that every drug is only doing nothing new, it's a total we have the capacity to do ourselves. So the way the pharmacology goes is that drugs work by exploiting pathways we already have. So in a way, this opportunity for transcending ourselves to connection with others, maybe helped by psychedelics, but those are not the answer. The answer is transcending ourselves by connecting with ourselves in something bigger than ourselves. So I would say that what I'm working on now Well, I there's so much that I am excited to do I wish I could stay up later, but I've got my research lab going. I'm studying sex differences in addiction. I'm also studying initial responses. to drugs and I'm interested in the genetic difference, individual differences that are mediated by an interaction of genes and say stress or other kinds of environmental influences. But I'm also hoping to write another book and I have this is funny because I'm, I don't really consider myself the book writing type, I'm kind of like the short, quick, get it done thing. And the first book took 10 years. So I don't have that a 10 years. I know so sad. Because I was busy, I was raising children and I was trying to get grants and we're, you know, grade papers and all that. So I can't do that, again, I don't, I have three books, so I'm probably not going to live long enough. So three books I want to write and I have a sabbatical coming up. And I'm hoping that I will have an opportunity to spend the year getting at least one of those out either on the adolescent vulnerability to addiction or on sex differences in the causes and consequences of addictive drugs, or just a kind of more philosophical take on. Because so a response to the opportunity that everybody alive on the planet has today to take substances and just as you were saying, sometimes for some people, those and some substances might be beneficial, and sometimes not. And I think that understanding and sort of finding your way to a personal ethic of how, what drugs in my life requires and appreciation of science, but also of you know, our honest assessment of who and where we are our development and what drugs are doing for instance, I this is just a little thing, but I read the other day that the marijuana industry is really exacerbating the droughts on the west coast. And that is a sort of a dilemma for this idea. And I mean, I I think there may be benefits also, but you know, it's not that our choices, if we know anything in October of 2021, we realize that our individual choices have impact on others, and so and on ourselves. So I guess I want to just consider that and not in a you know, there's a lot that can be said about it. So anyway, I'm excited about all those things. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, but I'm hoping to take a break from teaching it's been a tough year and a half with COVID Yeah, routines and yeah, yeah, I think we're all kind of hobbling through   Arlina Allen  58:03   Yeah, my heart goes out to all the teachers I know it's just been it's we're living in through unprecedented time so I really so grateful to all the teachers who've been able to hack it out and help our kids right it's it's really important work. You know, they I think they need as many people in their corner as they can get. So thank you for hanging it out and being available to all these kids. But I am so excited about your your book projects. I will personally be rooting for the one about adolescence.   Unknown Speaker  58:38   Me too, that one almost could write itself the data, you know, in the last 1520 years are overwhelming. And so it's really a good time to get that out. And, and adolescents are like sitting ducks today. And that is not their problem. That's all of our problem.   Arlina Allen  59:00   Oh yeah, they're our future. Right? I remember people saying that about us. Listen, thank you so much for your time today. When you get done with that book. You come on back and we'll talk about that one too.   Unknown Speaker  59:13   Okay. Arlina Thank you for having me. It's been really nice. Yeah, such   Arlina Allen  59:16   a pleasure. We'll talk soon thanks. Bye bye.

Arlina Allen is a speaker, life coach, and host of Sobriety: The One Day at a Time Recovery Podcast. She has been free from drugs and alcohol for more than 27 years and originally shared her story in Season 2, Episode 71 of The Courage to Change: A Recovery Podcast. She's joining us again today for an Ask the Expert where we discuss the power of the mind. In 2020 Arlina began learning about hypnotherapy. Today she dives into the conscious, subconscious, and unconscious mind.Episode ResourcesArlina's Original Courage to Change Episode | Season 2, Episode 71 One Day at a Time Podcast | Ashley's latest episode on ODAATGreen Lights by Matthew McConaughey | greenlights.comThe Social Dilemma Film |  www.thesocialdilemma.comThe Body Keeps the Score  by  Bessel van der Kolk M.D. | Available on AmazonConnect with Arlina AllenWebsite | www.soberlifeschool.comInstagram | @arlinaallenConnect The Courage to ChangePodcast Website | lionrock.life/couragetochangepodcastPodcast Instagram | @couragetochange_podcastPodcast Facebook | @thecouragetochangepodcastPodcast Email | podcast@lionrock.lifeYouTube | The Courage to Change PlaylistLionrock ResourcesLionrock Life Mobile App | lionrock.life/mobile-appSupport Group Meeting Schedule | lionrock.life/meetings

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Transcript:  Arlina Allen  2:56   Jolene, thank you so much for joining me today.   Jolene Park  3:03   Thanks for having me I'm I'm really looking forward to chatting with you and getting to know you a little bit more in the studio.   Arlina Allen  3:09    Listen, I appreciate somebody who has done their own work and who has a lot of credibility. Can I just say that to you?   Unknown Speaker  3:20   Thank you. I received that and appreciate that and feel the exact same way so I'm with you. Yeah,   Arlina Allen  3:27   we were just okay, I'm not gonna go into a rant, but maybe just a tiny little soapbox. You know, little cautionary tale. There's, there's a while I love how open people are being with their recovery. I just really appreciate people who have done their own work, right? So and you'll hear it I listen, I can sniff it out in two seconds. If I'm talking to someone who has not done their own work. And I've listened, I've listened to your TED Talk, your other interviews, there's lots of really good quality stuff that you've been putting out that I really appreciate. Because you are rooted in logic, which is nice. You got a lot of science going on. I love me some science. So we'll talk about all the stuff all the things, but just for fun. Do you hear my dog barking? Yeah, one second. I'm so sorry.   Unknown Speaker  4:54   Oh, I think you're still muted. Ah, here we go.   Arlina Allen  5:02   Okay, I had to go. Let my I have an English bulldog named named Teddy had to let him out. Did you know that Dr. Andrew Huberman has an English bulldog?   Unknown Speaker  5:11   I mean, his dog is no castellet. Well, long videos watch. Yeah, yeah. Costello was Costello   Arlina Allen  5:18   okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so we were totally   Unknown Speaker  5:23   embarrassed that I know that but I might make you vermin fans.   Arlina Allen  5:27   Me, too. Oh my God. He's talking about him all the time. I digress. Sorry about that, I will have to edit that little part out. What I where I thought we would start is just kind of a fun little lightning round. It's a fun little icebreaker. When you first started your journey to do you call it do how do you refer to it your alcohol free journey, your sobriety journey?   Unknown Speaker  5:53   alcohol free is what I use most. But you know, I'll interchange sobriety here and there, but in general, I, you know, I'll the term alcohol free is what I'm most comfortable with.   Arlina Allen  6:05   Okay, cool. Yeah. I mean, it's so interesting, you know, over the years, you know, when people were first talking about getting sober, it was all about alcoholism. Right. And you and I know now that the DSM five doesn't even recognize that term anymore. It's alcohol use disorder. So which I appreciate because that sort of speaks to the spectrum. Right? There's an Oh, you're going to talk about this too. I'm not gonna steal your thunder here. But um, but yes, so when you started your alcohol free journey, were there particular books that you found really helpful?   Unknown Speaker  6:42   Oh, what a fun question.   Arlina Allen  6:45   I am obsessive when it comes to books.   Unknown Speaker  6:48   Yeah. Because you know, when I started my journey, and Anna Grace's book was not out. Oh, okay. Unexpected joy of getting sober. You know, all of these these books, the sober diaries by Claire Pouliot. None of those. They all came after I quit drinking. Yeah, me too. So yeah, this is a really fun question. Kind of, you know, pre this big Instagram boom, about talking about alcohol free. I definitely read Carolyn naps book, the drinking love story. Have you? Have you read her memoir?   Arlina Allen  7:20   I haven't. That also came out after I got sober. I heard that people read the books that came out when they got sober, or became alcohol free.   Unknown Speaker  7:31   She wrote her book. I think it was in the 90s and the 90s. Yeah, okay. Yeah, she was an early, early one. And her writing is just exquisite. I mean, it's so visceral and it pulls you out. I mean, it almost it's called drinking a love story. And she really romanticizes the drink and she had an absolute 100% you know, drinking problem, but her writing is just mesmerizing. So I read her memoir a couple times. But you know, who I knew about early on to was Charlotte, I think it's castle, k s L, I never know how to say her last name. And she wrote the book moving beyond the 12 steps, many roads one journey,   Arlina Allen  8:18   I think wow. And   Unknown Speaker  8:21   and so she took a she looks at the physiology, which is you know, is a real core piece of my work and you know, potential things like blood sugar and, and allergies to alcohol and, and she, you know, she knew about that side as a psychologist, but, but were her work really, where she really anchored it was looking at the language of the bill Wilson's 12 steps. And so she wrote the 16 steps and more of a feminine kind of empowered approach, you know, she just turned the language and so I enjoyed her work and kind of her take on things. And I think that you know, her book came out probably in the 90s as well   Arlina Allen  9:03   in the 90s that is so interesting. So I grew up in the church where I was accustomed to reading patriarchal language of the Bible and things like that. And and I was accustomed to reading things and then interpreting it like I didn't realize I was I had like this interpretation filter, so that you know, when I got sober in 94, all there was really was the 12 steps. And I was so desperate to be different and I just happened to know some people who were going and so I just kind of got they call it getting Eskimos in the cold, I guess. Um, and so that that worked for me. But it's so fascinating that there were so many women that are just like, I'm not okay with this, like this whole patriarchal thing and, and so it's so interesting to hear that Charlotte was able to sort of translate To the 16 steps I'm totally gonna have to check that out so that was a book that you read early on as well   Unknown Speaker  10:06   it was because I I appreciated her comprehensive approach which is very much resonated with me about looking at the biochemistry looking at the emotional components and today's you know language around that is the somatic work the polyvagal work which Charlotte wasn't you know that's newer research but she was aware of that of that bigger comprehensive approach around the codependency is another you know term that was more traditional but that emotional sobriety and then the spiritual piece of it too and there's all different you know, currents to ride with that and and she helped me you know, have an appreciation too I've always been very neutral with with 12 steps I've been in and out of meetings you know, throughout the years and I certainly see from a nervous system standpoint the huge benefit of the community so being in a room with other human beings where you can be heard and seen and witnessed and you know, that your story is held and that's very healing to the nervous system. I understand the criticisms and I have you know, I respect you know, it's everybody has their different preference but speaking strictly from a nervous system standpoint community and the predictability the regular meetings the the support that that you know, there's a lot of dynamics in there that are very supportive to the nervous system now we can find them in you know, in churches or spiritual groups or movement groups like yoga communities or more knitting communities it doesn't have to be a recovery based community but in general community that's part of my acronym nourish uniting with others so   Arlina Allen  11:55   I thought we're gonna get to that I wrote   Unknown Speaker  11:58   and power code   Arlina Allen  12:01   is so good it okay so I don't want to jump ahead but I'm just I'm gonna ask you about all that cuz I was listening to and I was like writing this down I was like, Oh my god, how did I not hear about this before? It's so interesting that we can sort of sort of like package or position information in a way that is so consumable and easy to remember your whole nourish, and that a knack? Is it an acronym my does that sound weird? acronym, acronym? Sorry, dear, I laugh at my own jokes. Bear with me. Um, okay, so the books these are, these are really good books. Okay, so drinking a love story, and then moving beyond the 12 steps, which I totally appreciate. Like,   Unknown Speaker  12:45   let me let me throw one other in there that was very emotional. And we can as we get more into kind of the biochemistry of the book, seven weeks to sobriety was also very influential. And I can dig more into that but but the author, she has her PhD in nutrition. And she was inspired to write the book again in the 90s, I believe, is when it came out, because her teenage son, I think it was late teens, early 20s, went into to to traditional treatment, around the you know, mid 90s, and stayed sober, but was miserable. So emotionally, he came out of treatment and was still very depressed and he didn't drink but tragically then took his life because the alcohol had been removed. But the other pieces is like he didn't feel better, even though he was following you know, the program. And so his mother then said, there's something else we're not even talking about the physical side, there's this whole biochemical side and she got very interested in the nutrients and the amino acids and went on for her PhD to really learn that and then opened a treatment center in Minneapolis, called the health Recovery Center wrote a book called seven weeks to sobriety. And so that was an influential part as I was studying and learning functional medicine about that biochemical piece and and Charlotte wrote about that too. She understood some of the biochemical side but she really looked at kind of that psycho emotional spiritual. So those those were influential books to me while I was drinking like the you know, because I'm a I'm a nutritionist I'm a health coach, I have been for 20 years and so that stuff was always interesting to me. And I would read it and kind of chew on it and be like, this is kind of fascinating. It's a little bit off the traditional path. I still drink but it was planting seeds of where ultimately got me to my final stop what I used when I stopped and now what what I use in my work was was those early seeds.   Arlina Allen  14:41   Yeah, so good. I mean, listen, there's a period of time like I lived in this barn, the Self Help section at Barnes and Noble trying to like think my way into right living as they say. And just because I had as I want to ask you about this a little bit later, but once having the information wasn't like applying them formation is kind of my current obsession and so we'll talk about how to apply it and but I think that's really important that we'll we'll talk about that Do you have a sort of go to mantra or quote that you live by   Unknown Speaker  15:17   this too shall pass   Arlina Allen  15:18   whoo that's fine   Unknown Speaker  15:20   yeah or another one is you know all as well which comes from a Christian mystic in England Her name is Julian of Norwich. Yeah, I I like the Christian the feminine Christian mystics I draw a lot of wisdom from and that was that was one of her really well known quotes is well as well   Arlina Allen  15:43   yeah. I love that Oh, you know what I'm what I like is that just popped into my head was in the end everything will be okay. And if it's not okay, it's not the end.   Unknown Speaker  15:54   Yeah. Yeah. I often post that around New Year's, you know, turning up the calendar and kind of New Year's Eve and it feels like the end but it's you know, we're beginning   Arlina Allen  16:10   Yes, every and has a beginning. I love that. Let's see, do you have a regular your own personal self care routine? Like do you like a daily practice a weekly practice,   Unknown Speaker  16:24   I have a whole menu of nourishment that I have a bag of nourishment that goes Borg and self care. I'm admittedly i'm i'm not great about you know, hitting every single day. But I certainly have really favorite practices that and it changes you know, with different seasons, the time of the year as I grow and evolve and what my needs are, sometimes they're more physical, sometimes they're more emotional, sometimes more spiritual. So it shifts. Right now I'm in Charleston, right outside Charleston, South Carolina on purpose to be very close to the beach because walking barefoot on the beach scene at the beach regularly for me is a huge daily practice and regulator. So that's a biggie. Um, I like breathwork. So that's also very regulating and calming to me to do some kind of some. It's a little bit of Wim Hof. But it's not total Wim Hof.   Arlina Allen  17:26   Half every morning like Monday through Friday. We host this little it's like a 25 we do Wim Hof for 10 minutes and then Tara Brock reign meditation for 10 minutes. No chit chat. No messing around, in and out. Love   Unknown Speaker  17:39   Yeah, yeah. And so I find a grounding for me like literally feet on the earth and then kind of active breathwork both are very settling and soothing to me. And I like those a lot. So those are kind of my my key things saying, you know, really hydrated, sleep, regular, predictable bedtime and wake time is helpful for me. But yeah, you know, there's when I quit drinking, I was using more herbs. There's all kinds of stuff. I mean, we can all   Arlina Allen  18:13   I know that. Yeah. Do you know I am just so glad that you highlighted that there are many tools that you don't do them every single day, like super hard, like you're not militant about it, and that there are different things for different seasons. Because often I talk to people, I even the clients that I coach, they're like, Oh, I didn't do this every single day. And it's like, you don't have to do it every day because our needs actually change and fluctuate. And so it's okay to be flexible, right? And just pay attention. Yeah, pay attention to what your needs are that day. And I have a client who called it her smorgasbord of things. But she you know, she did she put a time limit on it. She's like, Okay, I'm not gonna spend more than an hour, right? She's retired, she's like, I'm not gonna spend because then it becomes this other thing you beat yourself up with, like, all different things. So I like I like the flexibility. And I think consistency can be viewed, let's say over a month period of time, right? If you did, if you did something like 20 days out, that's pretty consistent. Right? You don't have to do something every day to be that's extreme thinking of consistent. We're so funny.   Unknown Speaker  19:30   Yeah. And you know, he's a core philosophy of mind for myself and how I work with others, especially with women. I'm very interested in you know, the cycles and the rhythms. So in our own body within this is noticing nature, so noticing the seasons in nature, but we also have that those seasons within our own body. And so it's very linear and masculine, the masculine archetype to kind of a 24 hour cycle where it's like every morning, do a spin class. And there's nothing wrong with that. But more of the feminine Yin cycle is there's different times of the month depending if we're relating bleeding coming into oscillation, you know, out of our bleed time, our energy cycle is different. And even if you know women listening are menopausal had stopped bleeding or not bleeding for whatever reason, our bodies still sync with the moon. And so there's just times with whether the moon is full or dark a new moon, are as women, our bodies really sink in with that, and it's more about peak energy time versus a low energy time. And so it you know, you don't even have to let get militant about the moon or the moon. You know, this is my work of I'm always cueing clients of notice what feels really nourishing right now, not because you should or you have to, or somebody posted about on Instagram, but does it just feel nourishing to like, take a nap. And, and noticing that and giving yourself permission. So that's so much of my work of tracking, instead of beating ourselves with a whip, really noticing what can   Arlina Allen  21:11   we Yeah, I love that you are not shame based, I can already hear it, you know, it's more nurturing and supportive. And you It's really cool. You know, a lot of the stuff, I know that you're like in the corporate world, like you're very corporate friendly, like palatable. And when I was listening to a lot of your stuff, I was thinking of my friends, you know, I'm from Silicon Valley, I did, I was corporate for a very long time. And in sales, tech sales, and so very, like male dominated very robotic, I would say, and very, like, absent of feelings. It's like, No, no, we don't talk about failing, they can talk about, they'll talk about stress, like, but that's about it, like tired or stressed. Like, the language is very limited. And so it's so it's so interesting that you have it seems like a very unique capability, capacity for being able to speak the corporate language, right, meet people where they are, but then also introduce very practical ideas, you know, paying attention to, you know, the moon and stuff like that, that that was not I did not expect that. And I think it's so refreshing when you're able to sort of live, you know, straddle the, you know, the corporate world, which is so robotic and so shot like, shallow is that I don't know if that's fair. But you know, people are trying to survive in this very, you know, a, a type driven accomplishment, don't feel anything environment. Right? Yeah. I don't know, where alcohol   Unknown Speaker  22:45   comes in. Like, it makes so much sense then, when we drive ourselves at that level. Why alcohol is also so prevalent in   Arlina Allen  22:52   the corporate world. Yeah, big time.   Unknown Speaker  22:55   Yeah. You know, and that's where I really feel like I learned how to corporate minds love physiology. And they, they're fascinated by how the brain works, and that peak performance and, and how to manage stress, you know, that those are buzzwords. And so bringing that in, in kind of a fun inspiring, like, a little bit of a different angle. It's that's where I learned to, to really speak to this, that that was kind of a universal message. And so, you know, I certainly wouldn't lock in talking about the moon. I have, I have found that weird. You know, I'm interested in those aspects that I've found by building the rapport and laying the groundwork of when there's this gut brain connection and what the bacteria in your gut is doing. And this there's this nerve in the back of the cranium called poly vagal nerve, when it's not toned. And this dysregulation, like, which I mean, I level that too. I'm fascinated by it. I you know, I love kind of that logical, yeah, give me that, you know, what is this? Like? How does it work? Why does it work? And then building that rapport where people can be like, that's so fascinating. And then it's like, oh, and do you also know that it's our bodies are 70% water and the moon regulates the tides that the ocean water? Our body is also you know, there's a thing to that it's responding to it. Yeah. And so when we set it up in the physiology which all of this can can be backed in physiology, there's data for all of it, and then it doesn't sound so Whoo. And like, well, this is just nuts.   Arlina Allen  24:43   It's like well, I love how science is explaining why woo is so fascinating, right? It's like there are those of us that less I'm pretty open minded. You know, but I need some science behind it to, but I am I almost missed the whole we should highlight the fact that Do you really like this gray area drinking expert right that's that's really how I came to know you and I thought you know that is meeting people where they are in the corporate world like in the corporate world these people are so driven and there's this perfectionism that happens in the corporate world it's like don't show any of your any of your flaws you know it's like this very robotic it's pushed yourself you know endlessly this 80 Hour Workweek is celebrated and you know they claim work life balance but you know I would be on at sales you know, quarterly business reviews where the VP would be out drinking until like, you know six in the morning and show up for the eight o'clock meeting still a little bit drunk I'm I would imagine and so it's so interesting to sort of gently like we're avoiding words like alcoholism which you know, we don't we understand that that's not really a thing anymore. There's a spectrum but the gray area drinking seems to be seems to be a very nice entry point Can you explain to the listeners like people listening they're like what is this gray area drinking because I think once you explain it everyone goes Oh, yeah, I totally know what that is. Yeah, so   Unknown Speaker  26:15   I was teaching I was doing a lot of contract work from 2004 to 2011 in corporate America trip flying and traveling around the whole United States doing on site workshops being contracted to come in for exactly what you're speaking to us Can you come do these training programs for the employees on this work life balance, they're really stressed they're you know, we're watching the biometrics we're doing these health fairs and we want to have blood pressure kind of overall more in range and their cholesterol and their BMI and we realize it's more of a comprehensive approach so when you come teach them so that you know that was that's my foundation and the work I was doing and what we never talked about around blood pressure and weight and sleep issues and stress was alcohol but you know, bringing in then these resources these regulating resources of around food and around sleep and really practical things to do some regulation in the body which which employees loved and because you know, a lot of people would come into the workshop saying I know this stuff, I'm a marathon runner, you know this it's my hobby and and then we do these workshops and they're like, I didn't know this like I didn't know that about you know, grounding and what like the omega three fat actually does in my brain with my neuro chemicals and so again, people I work with, they're very well read, they're very smart they like this information, they're already reading books listening to podcasts, but then when we can apply it to peak performance and the challenges that come up because of the you know, the corporate deadlines and and a lot of people are drinking heavily and we're not talking about it. And so I would come in from the angle of your craving brain whatever your brain is craving. Here's some ways to you know, because you don't hang the hang the poster seven come to the alcohol class in the boardroom at noon, like people are not going to be alone, right? People are not going to you know, trip over themselves to get to that boardroom but when we talk about the craving brain and ways that you can regulate and work with you know, your innate body's rhythms and cycles and systems in the gut in the brain, people were really really fascinated by that. And then to your question about you know, what is gray area drinking it's that space where people are functioning really well my clients tell me this all the time, I saw it all the time in the corporate world, people function and they drink really heavily. And if they didn't fall into that those traditional definitions of like end stage, just kind of rock bottom the wheels fall off our life but they also weren't every now and again drinkers where they had a drink or two a couple times a year, they were in between this and it was this gray area where again slipping through the cracks it was the white elephant in the room that is how everybody was drinking and nobody was talking about it. And it's how I was drinking and teaching wellness you know, it's like I love this stuff I love about functional nutrition and with the body and regulating the body and then on the weekends I'd be out with my friends drinking like everybody else around me It's how we all drank but it was just you know, and then I would stop many many times and I can't keep drinking like this and I was able to stop it wasn't a problem for me to stop what was more of the problem was after a couple months saying why am I being so restrictive I can have a drink so I would go back to drinking this the staying stopped the same stop which is very characteristic of gray area drinkers because people will say you know, I don't drink every day I you know, go weeks and don't drink. I'm like that's really characteristic. But the hard thing is Sticking with that because it's this gray area of like but nothing bad has happened like I don't have this external kind of proof that there's a problem yet it's the 3am wake up the dry mouth that mentally beating ourselves up but nobody hears that conversation except us in our own head and then going through the gymnastics of okay I'm now I'm just going to drink on the weekend I'm not going to I'm not going to drink again I'm it's this whole thing that goes on for months and years that nobody ever talked about   Arlina Allen  30:31   this it seems there there's this whole other layer of insanity that goes around trying to manage it right like oh well I'm just gonna drink a glass of water between drinks or I'm gonna have a glass of water by the bedside with electrolytes in it so that when I wake up in the morning in the middle of the night just totally dehydrated or you know having the Advil and the by Xen and the charcoal things and the oh my god I'm exhausted just thinking about it right it's like this whole insanity to make make it okay from for the drinking part and it's the whole back and forth that is was so exhausting I wonder so and we were talking a little bit about like just having the information is not enough it's about applying the information but don't you feel like there had to you had to like make a decision like at some point you got sick of the back and forth and you what what was there like a tipping point for you that you were just like this is that I'm done for good this time?   Unknown Speaker  31:29   Well that was December 14 2014 which was the the solid in my bones resolute I'm done. This is it and you know, it wasn't a Cavalier decision It wasn't easy. Alcohol is a problem for me you know, it was very typical for me I'm just gonna have a glass I can just you know, I want to just open a bottle at home pour that glass and then I would drink it and be like, ah, screw it I'll have enough it was very easy to do you know finish the bottle that was that was my kind of typical pattern and knock on wood. Fortunately nothing you know, half bad happened like I didn't have a DUI or anything like that, but there was so much of that. That's how I drank and then I would stop many many times over the years under the wellness umbrella I'm going to do a paleo challenge I'm I'm doing a yoga you know challenge I I'm just not going to drink and people get used to that and and it worked because they knew I was in wellness they knew I was and it's like oh that makes sense like you're doing so I never really it was it I flew under the radar with it. But then I would say oh I can you know be a social drinker. I want to be a social drinker. So it really to your question, it was just so much of that back and forth which is exhausting. It never changes I would go right back to where I left off whether it was one month or seven months it didn't matter and it was just this resolute because I had bad you know back and forth so many times of just I'm tired of this. I don't want to keep doing this. I've been through different seasons with it I've been through different experiences with it. You know what I've been dating not dating really high stress with work or whatever, it just doesn't change and I had that real conversation with myself December 14 2014 going through those scenarios of like you know what if I go on this romantic holiday like what if and I was like no no, I'm just I'm done. And that was seven I'm coming up on my seven year anniversary this December.   Arlina Allen  33:40   Oh my gosh, that's so exciting. Congratulations that is not easy. That is not easy. Yeah, so Okay, so you know what I love about what you do is that the science behind it the science behind like the addiction of alcoholism or alcohol the science sort of depersonalized is that right? And so it takes out the shame takes out the gill and it's like well of course you're getting addicted to alcohol Look what it's doing to your brain right and so you talk about three the neurotransmitters and a way that I thought was so good it was like oh, that's why right so you talked about GABA, serotonin and dopamine and you're gonna be able to explain it much better but when I heard you talk about it the first time I was like that as the shit Oh my god, like people need to hear this. So what is your What is your explanation behind those three neuro chemicals and how they make us feel that sort of drive the compulsion to drink   Unknown Speaker  34:46   well, so that you know there's there's four major neural chemicals I hit on three of them in my TED talk, but there's four major ones. So two are the gas pedal for our body and then two are the brakes for us. So the gas pedal dopamine and serotonin. So dopamine is the drive that shapes that with the motivation to to move. To get up out of bed and produce we need that we need to be motivated. And then the acetylcholine is the other kind of gas pedal. And that's about focus and memory. And then serotonin and GABA are the brakes. So GABA is that relaxation feeling where the mind shuts off. And there's just that feeling of kind of that downshift. And serotonin is just the feeling of happiness, bliss, life is good, I'm not really needing or craving anything to fill a void right now I'm just I'm content I'm good. And so we need the balance of gas pedal what you know, we need to move and stay motivated and produce and we're, you know, accomplish and have that drive. And we need memory to have that memory bank and our focus and like these are, you know, important things just to biologically function. But then we need to balance that with rest and relaxation, and some happiness and some bliss and just contentment. And so when you know, those get out of balance for all kinds of reasons, sleep, you know, not sleeping, well, eating a lot of processed food and sugar, drugs and alcohol, trauma, stress, so all of those things can open up the valve, where's those neural chemicals just flush through us much quicker, because we're inside that's like who there's stress, there's, you know, all this sugar, all this alcohol. So we need to compensate open the valve and then all of a sudden, it's like, we're really depleted now and gabbeh or something, you know, we're going through that scenario, and the body just can't do the uptake enough to replenish and make it quick enough to fill it up. So we're the dumping it too fast, or not making it fast enough. And so when we come into baseline, the body can do what it knows to do, it can make adequate chemicals through real food, like omega three fish oil, you know, through the amino acids, those are the raw materials that then make these neural chemicals. And we can we can hold on to our neural chemicals and not just flesh them through our system so quickly, by you know, some different practices and movement and rest and good replenishing sleep. And so to me, it's it's where the rubber meets the road with all of the practices, exercises, theories, techniques, because you spoke to it a minute ago about how we can just kind of get into like this militant, like I need to do it, I should do it. I heard it's good. I heard it's bad. I heard it's like, no, it's about noticing, what are you needed to replenish right now what's deficient and depleted. And so the body's just trying to keep us in homeostasis, and that, and then we reach to alcohol. So it's like when we understand the physiology, it's like, Oh, interesting, something's depleted and deficient, physiologically, not psychologically. And so the body's just trying to compensate. So alcohol is a physical substance, our physical body is depleted, we and our physical body, and we get a physical effect very immediately. So the body's like, keep doing it, like i don't i, this, it seems to work immediately. So and that's been where that addictive loop gets in. So where I then work is, let's lift the hood, what's depleted in the first place, biochemically, emotionally, energetically, and let's replenish what's truly needing to be replenished. It's not because you're a bad person, or you did something wrong. It's just like going to be in the body detective, the body whisperer, which I love doing. And, and often, it's just, you know, it doesn't have to be really complicated. It's just going back to the basics. And I'd find this in the corporate world all the time, too. We want the shiny, you know, stuff, the shiny next thing, and nobody's hydrated. Nobody's sleeping regularly. And this is where the application comes down. Because it's, it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I should drink more water should get better slide,   Arlina Allen  39:12   isn't it, nobody wants to hear that.   Unknown Speaker  39:17   It's not sexy. It's not glamorous, and we're out the other. I'm the same way I get it. But what's really cool about this work is when you have the actual experience. So when you actually have a 10 hour night of deep restorative sleep, it's mind blowing, it's a 180 it's the same way with, you know, sewers,   Unknown Speaker  39:36   or certain things. And so I'm always working with clients of like, it's not about getting a gold star from me and checking the box and doing all these things to perform and achieve. That's what makes us want to drink because we're, we're exhausted. So now it's when you put something in when you add it in, what happens because when we drink something happens and so if you're not noticing an effect that's really Positive that you can, you know, like, again, when I do breath work, there's an effect. Like, I feel that I mean, there's this bliss and this calm that moves through my body by by, you know, consciously doing different practices with my breath. So it's like I want to do that again, like that almost feels like I just had a glass of wine, what I did with that breathwork so that's the work and it's it's exciting, it can be really inspiring. And it's very empowering to go back to the physiology because that's where all the secrets and the magic are. And it puts aside the psychological shame that we've kind of gotten tangled in that's really unnecessary. Yeah,   Arlina Allen  40:40   you know, you hit on something that kind of sparked a light me which is about adding in, because a lot of recovery is about taking away, right, we're taking away the one thing like listen, when I was still drinking, and I smoked a lot of weed. Taking I was I loved those things, those were the things that receiving me, right and I crashed and burned early, I was done at 25. Because I did not manage, because not managing well. But to let them go was so hard because it was I felt like the thing that was bringing me like that was saving me so to let it so deprivation, I you know is a big thing for people that are you know, going alcohol free, or getting sober or whatever. And I love the idea that you're presenting which is adding in, right, let's add in the things that give you the feeling that we wanted from the drugs or alcohol in the first place. So it's a totally different mindset instead of deprivation. It's about adding I love that idea.   Unknown Speaker  41:46   Yeah, I do too. deprivation doesn't work for me. So I'm not going to try to talk with somebody else or coach somebody else through deprivation, like I don't want to be deprived who does. Nobody wants that. It doesn't work. So I would   Arlina Allen  41:58   be there we would be broken alone.   Unknown Speaker  42:02   And we know from behavior change from behavior, psychology, that deprivation, it never works now, but I can put it back in the physiology. So what we're dealing with is the amygdala and the animal brain, the animal brain only concern it has one concern as to keep us alive, right? And so if there's a sense of deprivation, that signals it's a biological signal, we're gonna die. So who's gonna win? Is that animal, right? Every time. So we've got to give the message then to the amygdala, that alarm center in the body that we're not in this deprivation, like we're not going to die, you're, we want to give that animal something. And, and that animal kind of limbic brain, it doesn't understand language. So this is why you know, saying, Just relax.   Arlina Allen  42:51   Don't ever tell an angry woman to relax? Yeah,   Unknown Speaker  42:54   well, it's like, it's literally like saying to an animal, just relax. They don't understand words our animal brain does literally doesn't understand words. But what it understands is sensation. And so alcohol gives us sensation in the physical body, walking barefoot on the beach gives a physical sensation. If I take a gamma boosting herb, it gives us sensation. And so that's where it's like the rubber meets the road with these practices of what we're doing is we're working on the physiology to give us sensation, that then travels up the spinal cord from the body into the brain saying, Oh, that feels good. And the animal brain is like, Okay, I'm not deprived, I feel this comfort, I feel soothing, I feel contained, which is what we're ultimately looking for. So it's not you give up alcohol and jump off a cliff and just hold your breath and hope for the best. It's, you make a decision to stop alcohol, and then open up this door and explore all of these really cold processes that give a physiological effect that no one ever taught us. But   Arlina Allen  43:59   exactly nobody ever taught us that's why we're using reaching for things that are not good for us because you know, that's what's available. We don't know about all these other things. And this is really speaks to the I want to get to the nurse thing, don't let me forget. But I wanted to also point out something that you highlight, which is it used to be that we would talk about the brain first and then the body and you flip that around, you're talking about addressing the somatic experience and and you hit the nail on the head when you're talking about experience and feelings. Right? And so talk to me a little bit about how we you're we're looking at this differently now we're looking at somatic and then neuro chemistry.   Unknown Speaker  44:45   So you know, that's the latest neuroscience, where Bessel Vander kolk, who wrote the bought the book, the body keeps the score. Oh, Peter Levine, who is the grandfather of somatic experiencing. This is the current research and it's not their opinion. It's I mean, the data is there.   Arlina Allen  45:02   Yeah, there, we have empirical data, we've got the   Unknown Speaker  45:05   data, they're doing the studies, they're you know, they're measuring gabbeh levels, then they have a group of people do 60 minutes of yoga, and then they measure their data levels again, so they're really watching this kind of stuff. But where all of this kind of somatic new neuroscience, what they find from research, not opinion, is that it's bottom up, not top down. So we work with the body, which is kind of all the stuff I've been talking about when we shift the body and the body can start to feel a sensation of calm, and soothing and grounding. That message goes up the spinal cord to the brain. And then the brain can say, the animal brain can say, okay, we're, we're okay with that. Because, again, that animal brain doesn't understand language. So we can't talk to the animal brain. We have to have feel that sensations in the body in really practical ways. This is not esoteric. Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo.   Arlina Allen  46:01   I like blue. But this is science.   Unknown Speaker  46:03   Yeah, yeah. So that it's, you know, it's where the neurosciences and so that's where I work I work with with physiology with   Arlina Allen  46:11   physiology. Okay. And that makes perfect sense. And that maybe this is a good segue Can we talk about your acronym for nourish because it was all   Unknown Speaker  46:21   good, thank you. So as a as a functional nutritionist, my just really kind of, to pick a word that embodies my work over 20 years, it's it's nourish, which is my strength, and also my shadow, because the work for me is continually nourishing myself and not just food. So what I teach is what I also learn and keep practice. Yeah, so I'm always you know, it's not like I just quit drinking and now I've arrived and tell everybody else what they need to do. Constant practice, alright, but but the word that anchors that for me is nourish and then I created an acronym out of that for for my TED Talk. And so and is notice nature. Oh is observe your breath. You is unite with others are replenished with food. I initiate movement. s sit in stillness, and h is harnessed creativity. And I'm working on my book right now all about that, oh, there's numerous, numerous options and resources and things within each of those categories. But it really brings that whole comprehensive approach biochemical, somatic, emotional, energetic routines, that different things work for different people for regulating and nourishing the nervous system.   Arlina Allen  47:51   You just said something in my eyes lit up, because everybody is different, right? There's so many different paths to this sort of recovery, sobriety, alcohol free life, right? Not there's no one solution that works for everybody. And I think that's largely what's so confusing, is, there are so many, like everybody is so different. And there are so many different tools, but I like the idea that this nourish actually can be applied no matter what your specific situation it is. Your situation is. So what are some of the you mentioned, different supplements and things to sort of regulate those? You know, the GABA, serotonin, dopamine, acetylcholine? What if someone's curious about like, what they should be using? Do you have a resource on your website? Or maybe you can just rattle off a few things that people might try?   Unknown Speaker  48:50   Yeah, yeah, I'm happy to kind of talk through some of those pieces. So I work with clients one on one to really customize this piece. And kind of piggyback on what you just said, I really work with biochemical individuality. So I can rattle off some things, but it surrounds snowflakes,   Arlina Allen  49:06   unique snowflakes, right? It doesn't   Unknown Speaker  49:09   mean everybody out there then needs to take this particular supplement or eat this particular food. And B, this is my functional medicine background of what is individual for your biochemistry. And there's different ways to test that. And we can do lab testing and things. But But you know, the easiest, most inexpensive way is when you eat something, when you take something when you do something, notice what happens next, and three things happen. And it can be a really profound like, wow, that helps so much. My mind is blown right now. Or it can be kind of a neutral, like didn't really feel anything one way or the other. Or it can be I hated that, and I don't like how I feel now. And so I'm always cueing people back to that and the more kind of regulated and grounded we are in our body when the body is Calm, and there's practices and ways to do that, the easier it is then to kind of notice, like, what just happened here. Whereas if we're always kind of up in our head and just running and you know, in that intellect mental, it's hard to be like, I don't even know if I liked it. I mean, I just did it. So that's the argument of kind of somatic work. But um, but going back to just kind of some things, you know, I recommend, so biochemically whole food is king is golden. eating real food is is a great place to start. So did it grow from the ground? Can you pick it? berries? You know, bananas off the tree? Can you know, can you hunt it? If you eat meat? Can you gather it like gathering fish, or eggs or cream from the cow. So actual real food, that there isn't a list of ingredients, you know, 43 letters long and a whole paragraph. Real Food. And this is what I would teach in corporate all the time is, it's actually really, really fascinating. You know, one of the most fascinating lectures I ever heard in functional medicine, was a medical doctor who lectured about broccoli for an hour, it was fascinating. Because the chemical breakdown in broccoli, and every fruit and every vegetable, some of that we are still discovering. Because it's like, yeah, yeah, eat your vegetables. But when you really break it down, it's mind blowing, like what that, again, it's physical food and our physical body, what that does. So going back to the basics of whole food, if there's anything I can inspire people with is eat real food. That's in season, it's local, it's colorful, if possible, sometimes that's not always possible. But starting there, you know, eating regularly, because then the body breaks down into amino acids that are the raw materials for the brain. When you eat real, healthy fats, those break down into the omega three fats, some of our omega six fats, those are those necessary fats, again, for the brain, you know, good vegetables, even fermented vegetables, like sauerkraut, that's that good bacteria that goes into the gut. So there's just, it's just endless. The benefits of, you know, the exciting, like, mechanisms within food. And so I like to start there and try to you know, inspire people, and you don't have to, like clear your cupboards. It doesn't have to be radical. Yeah, I'm never radical about any of this. But the idea of adding something in instead of trying to take a bunch of stuff out, add in real food,   Arlina Allen  52:39   and real food, that isn't it? Yeah. And I think you were, I think I heard you say that the amino acids and the proteins are the building blocks to these neuro chemicals that we need. And like, at the end of the day, when maybe your gamma is low, or serotonin, or whatever it may be, all of them are low at the end, is that true that it's low at the end of the day?   Unknown Speaker  53:00   That's a good question. Um, I think it's more kind of over time, you know, like a 30 day period, a snapshot of like, what are we, you know, kind of dumping in that period, although there are urine tests that we do a 24 hour urine collection, and they are seeing like, how much of the neurotransmitter were dumped into our urine in a 24 hour period. So I think it's both you know, just kind of seeing like, the pattern that the body is on but also it's interesting, like what happens over over a longer period too.   Arlina Allen  53:32   Yeah, the reason I asked about the end of the day because I feel like that's like the witching hour for a lot of people, you know, but I think it speaks to meeting like we're so jacked up all day trying to get stuff done, that in the evening we're trying to do was deregulate down regulate to regulate, yeah, just just regulate, yeah, emotion management thing.   Unknown Speaker  53:56   So biochemistry is a huge part of it, our neuro chemicals, our blood sugar, our you know, our thyroid, our gut bacteria, our adrenal function. So adrenals are closely connected with dopamine. So if we're running on cortisol and adrenaline, then we're also pulling down on dopamine as well. Every neural chemicals connected with a hormone. So progesterone and gabbeh are connected, which I find a lot of women who are in this gray area struggle with wine are low and progesterone and low and Gabba. And you know, a common kind of symptom complaint of those two chemicals being low is anxiety and difficulty sleeping. And so a lot of women that are reaching to wine to help them sleep and to help manage their anxiety and when we lift the physiological hood, it's low gabicce, low progesterone. So there's all of these kind of physiological pieces, we can start with food, there's different nutrients that can i Find a lot of women are low and gabbeh. Dopamine is the sexy neuro chemical that everybody's like, oh, the dopamine hit the dopamine hit but but in reality, if we're really trying to boost dopamine, we tend to be more interested in things like cocaine, ecstasy, espresso, a pot of coffee, where if we're cocaine or coffee is more low gabbeh, which I'm certainly have that predisposition to be low gabbeh that's been more reaching to things like marijuana, Cannabis, alcohol to hit that off switch. So it's interesting what people you know, reach to so that's the biochemical side, there's some herbs or some nutrients to boost GABA boost dopamine, but then there's also what you're talking about kind of the witching hour, at the end of the day, that then goes into some of just the nervous system fight flight freeze response. So it's not always biochemical, but they're all interconnected, they all work together. If we're in a constant flee response, we're going to be dumping a lot more, you know, of our gas, the dopamine they see, so it all connects. But the but the fight flee freeze response. And if we're, if that valve is always on, if we're always kind of in a flee or in a fight, or we've just in that frozen kind of immobilized, protective state, that's exhausting. Any of those states if the, if the on switch is always on. So by the end of the day, it's hard to continue, we're exhausted holding that dysregulated state. So now we want to regulate it with alcohol to kind of let the valve off constantly, you know, we're fleeing, we want to move we want to, and it's like, I want to stop and slow down. So it could be some of that polyvagal kind of stress response, as well. And then there's, you know, the, the energetic side of things. So this is acupuncture, you know, they talk about, like how the energy moves in the body. So, if there's an area that's, that's more stuck, or moving really fast, and that's where body work comes in acupuncture, you know, working with the energy system, so there's no one size fits all, but I work with people to get kind of the full story. And it's like, where do we want to kind of start here with what might be a missing piece? And what might be depleted? And it's so   Arlina Allen  57:17   good, how do people connect with you if they want to reach out and work with you.   Unknown Speaker  57:23   So gray area drinkers calm is my sites where all my info is, you can email me I work with clients, one on one, I have a coach training where I train other coaches on the nourish method. And my TED Talks, there are lots of interviews I've done. And then I have did a podcast as well called edit, editing, our drinking and our lives. And so all of that on gray area drinkers calm.   Arlina Allen  57:48   That is amazing. I leave all leave links, ever. I know people are probably taking notes or driving or whatever. So I'll leave all the links in the show notes. But this has been such a fascinating conversation. I could easily talk to you for the rest of the day. So many questions. And I just think this was so helpful. Thank you so much for joining me today. Thank you so much for having me. It's fun to meet you and chat with you. Thank you. Yeah, definitely. Thanks so much. And I'll leave all the show notes, links in the show notes how people can get a hold of you.   Unknown Speaker  58:20   Wonderful. Thank you.   Arlina Allen  58:22   Thanks.  

Arlina Allen 0:13 Dr. Rob Kelly, thank you so much for joining me today. Thank you, Andy for asking. Awesome. Looking forward to this. Hey, before we get started, I saw a picture of you with an English bulldog. Was that yours? Unknown Speaker 0:25 Yes, I have three English Bulldogs we strive for, but we had to rehome one because of fights. Oh, but I have Mackenzie, Who's the girl and two boys. Arlina Allen 0:34 And so sweet. So I've had four total but right now I have just one. Yeah, an English bulldog. His name is Teddy. He's the podcast mascot. You will occasionally hear him snoring in the background. Unknown Speaker 0:47 Always. I've got three in the office today cuz doing other things downstairs. But yeah, I hope they don't balk or anything. Otherwise, we're in trouble. It's Arlina Allen 0:56 fine. It's fine. This is not CNN. Be good. But my audience is all about sobriety and finding solutions. And you are the solution guy. I saw you on the doctors and did my research and saw on your on your website that you talk about permanent recovery. And that's what everybody wants. Everybody wants these people who've just been through the wringer of people who want to stop and cannot. Those are our people. Right and so I can't wait to hear what you have to say about all that. But like I said, before we jump in we do this something called the lightning round. So I'm just gonna pepper you with it's never usually very fast. But I'm I'm so curious. What were some of your favorite books when you got sober? Unknown Speaker 1:51 When I got sober? Well, obviously the big book I read often, but I kind of well I wrote about myself. So that's obviously the best ever. But just real life, I love biographies. I love to see how other people live. And now other people have overcome not not a big believer in you know, these get get well or get fit box that are out there. I just think that it's all about the mind. on trade with the mind. Yeah, I Arlina Allen 2:21 couldn't agree more. Yeah, I'll be talking to Dr. Anne Lemke. She wrote that book that just was released dopamine nation, so I'm super excited about that. And also, never enough. Another neuroscientist. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So I'm all about it. Awesome. What about do you have like a favorite go to mantra, he kind of said it this morning. When I asked I Unknown Speaker 2:44 did I did. I always use that it's dreaming. I'm living the dream instead of dreaming a living is and it came to me. When I was homeless, passing a nice house with the children mum and dad. Having Christmas lunch. I used to dream of that. I used to dream of living that little dream. And I went I did. It just came to me one day, and it's been my mantra ever since. Arlina Allen 3:08 Yeah, we do have a tendency to spend a lot of time in fantasy land. One more. Yeah. And that throws Unknown Speaker 3:14 even afterwards, if I'm honest. Um, do you have a regular self care routine that you practice for yourself? I do every single day when I get up. First thing I want to do is I want to train my subconscious brain. So I go to the mirror. I love myself in the eyes. And I say I love you 10 times. I don't say any other affirmation just I love you. Because I used to have a big problem with that. So I'm kind of stored in the subconscious brain. So when it comes to like decision making, that's going to pop over to the prefrontal cortex, and I'm gonna go you know, something, I love myself today. I deserve this. So yeah, that's what I do. And then I write out five things, I'm going to accomplish that day. And, and the idea behind that is if I if I, if I complete all five, I've taken a step forward in life. If I only complete three or four, I've taken a step back in life. Arlina Allen 4:07 Oh, interesting account. You know, what I heard recently is accountability. Empathy without accountability reinforces the victim mentality. Yes. I like that. I like the I like that accountability piece that you have for yourself. I have a feeling you're kind of a hard ass and I can't wait to talk to you about that. But I have one more question. I like I like to work question. What's the one thing you wish you knew when you first got sober? It's gonna be okay. That's gonna be my life's gonna be amazing. You're like this amazing? He says, um, and what do you do for fun? Unknown Speaker 4:44 I have a music where am I used to be a musician when I was young. So I was a onstage musician and then I was a played at Abbey Road for about three or four years. I played with elton john Queen David Bowie. So I have a music room at home or with a full fall everything Got everything and you can imagine so I go in there about once every couple of days and I may play drums or guitar I might play keyboard I might write songs I might do a live YouTube. So that's what I do and of course walking my three English Bulldogs is also great Arlina Allen 5:16 use I noticed that you have some big guns Do you consider exercise fun? Unknown Speaker 5:21 Yes of course. Yeah, I I have what's called a mirror in the house. We also have a bike. A well known bike power. Arlina Allen 5:28 The mirror the exercise mirror thing? Yeah. Oh, you like that? I'm, I'm I know. Phenomenal. You can do everything on that. Yeah. And you can make yourself look beautiful. Yes. If you really squint for me, I'm like, Oh, yeah. Can I just I don't want to gloss over the fact that you mentioned that you play with elton john and Queen. fucking amazing. Unknown Speaker 5:49 Right on, right. That is Arlina Allen 5:52 amazing. He just kind of like threw that out there very casually. That's pretty incredible. Unknown Speaker 5:57 Yeah, why? It's what paid for courage college, I was a session musician. I grew up on a unmade projects. So I wasn't ever going anywhere, really. But I was wanting to better so I auditioned after playing another recording studio sessions and then added seven auditions and got the job. And I was only 16 at the time against perfect. I know. But I had this confident. Well, I said my mom used to tell me I used to walk around with a guitar around my neck and wouldn't even check it out of both. I was just because I'm musical family. I was on stage at nine. Family. So yeah, so awesome. Everyone asked the same thing. Who's the worst person you've played with? Regarding hanging around? Who's the best, worst person to elton john. Once he gets into that mood, his heart was Arlina Allen 6:40 out before he got sober after? Unknown Speaker 6:43 Yes, I think before it would be 79 around the area. And the best would be Freddie Mercury. We spent hours and hours late into the night chatting about philosophy and how it can change the world. So yeah, I got this Arlina Allen 6:58 sense from Freddie Mercury that he'd be really funny. Unknown Speaker 7:01 Oh, yeah, he is. He's always kind of switched on. You never find him in a bad mood. He's always smiling. He used to call me Robbie, darling. Unknown Speaker 7:10 What else would he call you? Right? Unknown Speaker 7:14 Awesome, guys. Arlina Allen 7:15 It's amazing that he is truly truly unique. That's very cool. Okay, well, that's it for my silly lightning round questions. I always like to provide like Book Resources and things like that and sort of set the stage for mindset. But really, what I, what you and I think both care about is helping other people and to help other people I do I actually practice hypnotherapy. So when you talk about subconscious mind, neuroscience and all that stuff, what we're talking about is root cause, right? Because we're You and I are dealing with people that have chronic, persistent, pervasive conditioning from childhood. I read somewhere in your stuff that root causes are abandonment, fear and shame. Can you tell me a little bit about why those things lead us to want to medicate with drugs and alcohol? And really, mostly, what is your process to help treat that pervasive consist consistent conditioning? Unknown Speaker 8:16 Well, we have to look, there's a couple of things you need to look out before again, that conversation and that is the alcoholic brain, which is a predisposition. We're born this way. So rather drink, not like drug taking. alcoholism is different. So we look at that brain, for instance, is what I study. And many people often ask me, what's the gateway drug? Rob? It's obviously marijuana. And my answer is always the same. It's trauma. That's the gateway drug. So I'm born this way. I have a remapped neural pathways at birth because you have the alcoholic brain, which wants to self sabotage any opportunity it can. So remapped and then trauma. Now when I'd say trauma, people think, Oh, well, I've never been in a car crash or, you know, it's no witness to murder or right. But drama could be in the house. So for instance, by my mom watching, hypothetically, one day and me and my brothers stood on the table, my brother's a normie. And my mom says to my brother, because this is what she said, and this is what she he hears, Paul, down on that table. You stupid idiot. Get down, and he jumps off and he laughs What I hear same sentence said to me in the same voice, get out of that chair, you stupid idiot. So my brain and subconscious brain and central nervous system is jacked up for a start. And all that wording, everything we hear, and we see is always stored in the subconscious brain every thing we do, and that's why the latest science that I do regarding the brain is helpful into the subconscious brain. So I'm automatically abandoned because of the way I hear and see things. So my dad used to work a lot of hours were a working class family. So I have hardly seen my dad there. abandonment issues straight away, which we don't think or abandonment issues. My dad's doing the best he can, you know? Oh, don't be silly, Robert, you can't go to college like your brother. Oh my goodness that does more harm than you could ever imagine. But my subconscious brain loves that stuff. Arlina Allen 10:17 Why did she say Why did she say you can't Don't be silly, you can't go to college, it was Unknown Speaker 10:22 just something my mom said, you know, it's not like my brother, when it's like, we can't go to college, we just don't do that. See, I was supposed to grow up, just like my parents. By the time I was 18, married by the time I was 19, have a baby or to have a normal nine to five working manual job and go to the pub every night and the way home. That was it from generations to generations. Because you can see that pattern of alcoholism and mindset going back through my family, that that's what they settled for. Now, I was different, I didn't want to settle for that. So going back to the abandonment, the alcoholic brain and central nervous system. And the whole aura is always felt as if we don't fit in. So I never fit in anywhere. So there's the abandonment, again, the shame of where I grew up. I grew up on the project counselor stage, all my friends I went to school with even though it was just a normal school, they lived on a private estates, which parents had a mortgage, we pay rent, I was so embarrassed about I was so shameful. And of course, when my drinking took over at the age of nine, I started but it took over about 2526 there was the shame of that. So what we do is we have to go back or we call is a scene of the crime. And we have to start clearing that stuff up. And the worst thing somebody can say to me is Oh, yeah, I've kind of worked on that myself. If you worked on that yourself, you won't be relaxing, first of all, and you won't be going through girlfriend's chain every week, you know, you're having, we have to really go back and look exactly what you do and repair that damage done in the past and usually by Kagan's Arlina Allen 11:57 so when you say go back to the past and repair the damage, that is the crux of the treatment, right? Unknown Speaker 12:04 Yes. Yes. Because you have to go back and look, you know, I mean, many people come in, they go, Okay, well, I drink him out. I don't do this. They do that. Well, anything, any trauma. Now. Everything's good. And when we go back and really pinpoint, they forget to tell me about the molestation from the father or the uncle or the priest. They forgot to tell me a bit homosexual actually did when he was nine or 10. They forgot to tell me about how the mum used to smack them across the face because their house wasn't tidy when they come home. So they kind of think well, mum and dad did the best now. I'm not having that. hating on people say that. Well, they did the best they could now, you know, I used to walk to school with holes in my socks, and cardboard in my shoes. Because I hold in my shoes. Walking on the snow to Mars. I had to watch work every day because my mom couldn't afford my socks and shoes. Now my mom could afford and my dad to go to the bar every Friday and Saturday night. So I had one person sat down once and he said this. He said wrong. You really upset about them shoes. And I said yeah, but my mom dad couldn't afford it. And he said this to me that changed my life. He says when your mom went to the bars every Friday, Saturday and Sunday night, did she have holes in her socks? And I was like, when he hit me I had more trauma and I could ever imagine growing up, you know, they will drop me with a friend. But when I got to the friend, the man and the woman they would say okay, we ever we have a naked night tonight. So everyone gets naked. I didn't tell my mom that because I thought it was natural. Arlina Allen 13:36 Yeah, yeah. That everybody in the house got naked. Unknown Speaker 13:40 Yeah, but you know, all the kids and the mom and dad. And that's just a Wait, why. So I went along. I never even mentioned it because I thought it was the norm. You see my I have a big thing. And it's this, anything less than nurturing as a child, his child abuse, especially what find out more about the brain and the central nervous system. I can never get a girlfriend, Why do I always leave? Why is it Why did I marry my dad? Well, it's like, you have to understand why we do these things. There's a pattern to our behavior. And if and if you're happy doing that pattern and living the way you're living great, but if you want to change your life, then you need to go back and clear this stuff up and change neural pathways from self sabotage to self care. Because at the moment, or when I was born up until about 28 when I got sober. I had more self sabotage. And then I did self care. So I start really good. Oh, I would look so good. I mean, when I was when I went to work, I do anything girlfriend, but after a month or two, it's self sabotage. If you feel like this. Oh my god, it's it's nine o'clock. Rob. You're not supposed to start till 10 and then six rather you're going home. I'll stay till seven A month later, Where the hell is Rob It's one o'clock. That's all my life has been like that. Because I self sabotage over any considerable period with a mindset like that. Arlina Allen 14:59 Right? It's an internal In a mindset of I don't really truly deserve this Unknown Speaker 15:04 100 and million percent and the other one is self dialog I can I can sell stuff so you don't have to say anything to me. I dropped a pat on the floor and I go What a stupid idiot when I'm picking it up loves that stuff so when I go for that car that job that girl that house whatever the subconscious brain goes, You stupid idiot. What are you doing here? You can't do this Did you think you are and I still get that today when I go on when I do speaking of setting the wing some town I'm thinking oh my god, they don't want what I've got nothing to offer. Oh my god, oh my god, and a panic. And then God taking a walk over and I'm a big spiritual guy now used to hate that word garden. Oh, we're all happy going to church. I used to hate that. Arlina Allen 15:47 Did you go to church growing up? Unknown Speaker 15:48 I did. I was a quiet I was a quiet boy I was I was a chorister, as they call it in the Protestant church had a great voice and my but my headmaster sexually abused me. One of the guys that you know, and I blame my mom. My mom knew about this. Arlina Allen 16:06 That he was like that and sent you anyway. Unknown Speaker 16:09 It was nothing directly talked about. But I remember being picked up. There's a there's a group out there of saying there's a cola, Vienna Boys Choir, and we should delete it. Well, my headmaster said well, who was also the the teacher of the music and the church, said to my mom, we have Robert an audition for the Vienna Boys Choir in Chester, which is 70 miles away for LA. He took me there and the rest was blurred. We never went to any audition. I come home feeling sick. Mom said I was silent for about three months. Yeah, I was concerned if and I was shocked. I don't remember the incident. But put two and two together. You know, I don't know of any audition. So it's a ruse. And then there was the neighbor across the road. That was about 1415. And he was he was married. But he was he was gay. And we go to the sauna together because I was into fitness and bodybuilding at the time. And he would try to MLS me and do things. And it was awkward. And no one made it into fun, but many years later, and I said oh you everyone needs to go to sauna. I said, Oh yeah, with the gay guy. And I looked at them. And I said, How'd you know? Now everyone knows about him? And I didn't say Arlina but I wanted to say why the fuck? Did you just let me go through five years of my life with this guy knowing quite well, what he's capable of doing. And he really kind of set me and not against my parents. But I'm thinking you know, the best he could is not good enough for me. Arlina Allen 17:38 I don't know I heard that at a meeting one time this guy because you do hear that a lot and I think it's a way it's a sort of like spiritual bypassing like you have to go through the pain first and do the processing metabolize the pain Ababa. And sometimes that bought they did the best they could offers a little bit of peace. But if you don't do the work first, it's just spiritual bypassing and you're just putting a bandaid over a pile of shit. Right? Exactly. This guy stood up at a meeting one day and he like, pounded the podium. He goes it wasn't good enough. Yes, it wasn't. And I was like, Thank you finally somebody said Unknown Speaker 18:18 you say the truth exists. And that's and that's what's missing. One of the things that I came to America because I wasn't known or famous or anything back then is I wanted to to have a platform where I could speak my mind. I don't report to anybody you know if I say the things that other people are thinking or wish they could say because it isn't good enough. You drop the fucking bar mom and dad own it you know get get oh well that's just the way that my dad never spoke to me. You know, he couldn't give him a gift he was one of them gave very embarrassed what it was just the way he was brought bullshit. Change it I changed it you know I lost my kids and all that but now I've got in touch with one of our I've changed it you know? Just to what No, it's not I'm not having that. You know, Arlina Allen 19:00 what's important about owning it in your mind like when when you're when you tell somebody you know hey, it wasn't good enough and we want them to own it. Is it the validation is it a standing up for ourselves? What is it about owning it that is so important Unknown Speaker 19:18 well first of all when I when I do that it's it's telling the truth it's out in the truth is that there are some there are some guys going up now around the world that don't even think the Holocaust happened. It's that crazy. Don't want people to get into that. It's like less reminders who dropped the ball and who didn't you know, and I like I like given information that you know people go oh shouldn't be talking about that. You know, first of all the alcoholism. Yes, we should. And I'm blatant when farmers comment on little Johnny's you know his his drinking every day like what he's gonna die. Whoa, you can't say that. Yours. Why? Why can I not speak the truth? Truth tell him for me is powerful. Yes, really is power. And I like to I like to. First of all, I have this order that attracts people when I speak. And that was a gift. I used to be on it, huh? Yeah, yeah. Now I say louder, say stronger, say proud. And people listen. And I love the fact that let's not keep it hidden away. Bring it out because alcoholics used to be until two, three years ago, where the gay community was 30 years ago, is that we don't talk about that. We don't really we know it goes on. But hey, you know, I always think I know right? But Arlina Allen 20:33 okay, here's, here's this Sorry to interrupt you. But here's the thing. It's okay for you to get drunk and show your ass in public. Yeah, but God forbid you tell people I don't drink anymore. I just don't like black now. I don't like waking up. And the worst thing in Unknown Speaker 20:47 the world is like, I heard this guy tell the joke when she was like, I went to the bar. And the guy said to me, do you want to drink and he says no one alcoholic? And he said what? He said, I'm sorry. I'm a I'm a serial killer. Thank God for that. scenario, when I'm out there just doing it. You know, it's Arlina Allen 21:06 so crazy to me that people are so like, and people still like that are in recovery. And listen, I don't I don't come out with like, I'm an alcoholic. I'm just like, yeah, don't do that. It just depends on the audience. It really depends on you have to you have to know your audience. Like at work I used to when I was in corporate, I would just be like, yeah, just not drinking want to get up early. Want to be fresh. Unknown Speaker 21:28 Yes. But I'm the last 10 years have been with people who are getting back in shape. And I've worked with a lot of a list footballers and stuff like that. And the fitness now is about getting back in shape, which covers for those people, I tell them the truth. You know, when they come in with a table, or you want a drink, and I was drinking, by the way to go do and drink, I'll just have cold coke. You're a big guy, you know, what you want to drink. Especially if it's a woman something it's like, I just have a little whiskey and like if I had a whiskey, first of all, I'm going to try to rape you. Or take you on in front of my wife. And then we're going to start fighting anybody who disagrees with me. And then I'm not going to actually get you on because I'll be arrested. What? That's what happens when I drink so I'll just have a coke. Yes, sir. And then walk away Arlina Allen 22:14 from coke coming out. One time I made the mistake and tell this guy at work. Because I go oh, I don't drink and he goes How come and I tend to break out naked. And he was off to drinks place. Oh, wrong, wrong thing to say. Break out in handcuffs. How about that? I'm allergic. Yeah, nobody scared of me fighting. I'm like five, three. That's awesome. But okay, so you know what I wanted to ask you? I did. I saw a lot of your videos and things like that. And you have this very strong personality kind of in your face thing. And there. There are some people that that that that really respond like they respond to that people who are in denial, people who just need that. I think people crave that level of accountability. People want to know where the boundaries are, so they can feel safe. But I don't think it works for everyone. How do you know who that works for I you know, since you are able to adapt to every different kind of alcoholic? I think that's part of the gift the chameleon thing, right? I'm sure you have that too. You have learned to turn that into an asset. How do you read someone to know whether the in your face kind of style works or the gentle nurturing works? Unknown Speaker 23:37 So usually the firt the first indication is where they contacted us. It's like, well, I heard this podcast and oh, my God, I love Dr. Rob cannon, that's the first one he needs in his face. And then you got a parent's recall about this 18 year old girl is second too much heroin. And you know, you need a different approach to that. So and then they need to take an assessment, one of the reasons why we have a 97% success rate, over 20 odd years, 30 years and 7000 patients is because of the assessment. So I find out real quick whether you whether you really want to do this deal. So when when we will not take anybody's money if we can't guarantee that they can recover. So the assessment kind of puts everything into place for me. And you know, most people want what I give, but there are so I have a psychotherapist that works with four girls of sorry, three girls and one guy that needs a soft approach. And that's great. We'll do that. Okay. No, but that Arlina Allen 24:35 be assessment that so you You must turn away a lot of people who don't really want it. Unknown Speaker 24:41 Yes. And that's what people can't understand, especially our so called treatment friends out there who keep checking the same person back time and time again for 30,000 a month is like I won't do that. Well, how do you survive? Well, we took almost a million dollars this year. How much did you take by being honest and straight with people because now we get to get be known like that is if you can't pass, I don't care how much money you've got. We've been offered blank checks, literally blank checks by billionaires and say fill it on yours. Unknown Speaker 25:11 Yes, they're saying, Unknown Speaker 25:12 My child is my child. I'll give you a blank check. You can do anything. You can buy your house, you can take a million you do. I'm the guy that turned down Britney Spears for a million dollars back in Dallas in the day because she came in she was drunk. She was three hours late. And she was a mess. So I said, No, I'm not doing it. Jamie at that girl bunnies are please Rob, please robbed. And the bodyguard often said, You're not leaving until you see her. So I'll put him in his place. And then two days later, she shaved all my hair off. So I won't do that. I can't lock in a parent's face and say, Hey, I'm really sorry. But she didn't want to know, I don't believe in that. If you get somebody with you, one on one, we do one hour a day for 90 days, you can change the way they think, per an Arlina Allen 25:55 hour a day for 90 days. What do you do in that hour? Unknown Speaker 25:58 Well, five days with me, and I go back and change neural pathways. And I change belief and I change behavior. And we build a future for them. So if they need a job, we'll get them on. If they need to start their own business, we'll build them a website, all this great stuff, my psychotherapist will go back to the scenes of the crime. He's specialize in childhood trauma, my number one coach, which is also my daughter, which we'll get into later, and Manchester office in England about a year ago. And she is the family, people because we believe if somebody calls, who wants help in a house, and this him, his wife and two children over the age of 16, all of them need to be in the program. We will take you on say, well, let's just be that sick. Now the house is sick, first of all, and the wife probably enabling, and she's going through some stuff, and she's probably mad or nervous breakdown. So either you all come on, or we don't see you as all Arlina Allen 26:54 that brilliant. Unknown Speaker 26:56 What do you think, you know, if you can imagine a house, let's be let's say speak Japanese. And we to take them out of the house and stick them in our houses, let's speak English, because we have a different language for recovery. So he speaks English, Japanese how still speaking Japanese. So we take the guy we're putting back into the Japanese speaking house, what's going to happen is going to start speaking Japanese. And that's one of the problems with recovery, you don't understand the family dynamic dynamics around the alcoholic, the whole family's sick and we need to heal the whole family. So we find that very unnecessarily intense work with the family dimension, the family unit. And of course, the alcoholic and the desperate wife, you know, terrible when we leave the wives alone or the husband's whoever the drinker is or the user. And we forget all about it. Because they've got the abandonment, they've got the shame, they've got the remorse they've got I always say, you know, sort of wives and husbands or partners or alcoholics or addicts, the PTSD that you have, because you have it, if you will, every one is no different from the PTSD from someone coming home from war. Now, I I love our soldiers, I'm an American citizen, I love them to bits, but just talk about the brain guys, because both of them never know it's going to be the last day, both of them never, no one's going to kick off. Both of them never know that you're not going to walk on eggshells today. It's the same thing. So the brain doesn't know the difference between war and war in the household. That's another thing that people don't understand. So the wife is going to be okay. Now she won't, you know, she will, you know, either commit suicide or do a runner or assist the alcoholic start drinking again, because she can't stand this new person that's come out. So it's really complex when when we talk about fixing, you know, it really is. And that's what we've done. We've spent 20 odd years, I do the latest brain science, I do brain spotting. What's brain spotting brain spot is a new development, that was only three people in the country or the world right now it can do it. Because it's not even, they haven't even bought a training course for it. But brain spotting is a technique that goes into the pupil and to the subconscious brain. It's a bit like a DMR. But it's it's a little different. So we're talking to the subconscious brain. And it's all about eye movement and the flicker in one eye. And then we stay with that flicker in that one eye and we find out what's caused that. And so Arlina Allen 29:17 where are they? I can see I can I see where you're going with this. So when you say that you see the eye flicker that's in the indicate and can't speak this morning. That's an indication that there is a traumatic memory there. Yes. And so you have them you see like what's happening now? Yes, that kind of thing. And the Unknown Speaker 29:36 first response, I know it's nothing, but we hold it there. We hold it. And they've got a look at the pan. And that may take five hours. It might take five minutes, but I'm staying there and all of a sudden they go Yeah, yeah. When you start talking about the traumatic event, it's the most powerful thing I've ever seen. Arlina Allen 29:56 So that's so this is what's been coming up for me lately. is there's the traumatic events like EMDR, like you mentioned, the eye movement desensitization reprocessing or reprogramming. And then there's but what do you do with the people who have the consistent pervasive trauma day in and day out? Like I was talking to a gal who had a mother who was a heroin addict, and she would hear her mother on the phone saying, we don't have enough, I need money, I need to feed my kids. Like she was using her kids as a scapegoat. And she was using her kids to get money. And but and there were times when she didn't have food. So today, she hoards food, and she has a weight issue. Right? It's and so you know, we were going to do some EMDR, or some, you know, hypnosis on that. So she goes, but it's not one situation, it's pervasive. How do you treat that pervasive, repetitive conditioning like that mental conditioning? Unknown Speaker 30:54 So we use the brain spotting, obviously, we also use a technique, which is called somatic experience, which is se people call it se. So we go back and we look at the central nervous system, and why is this being beat? Why is this happening? What's causing it, then we go into the brain, and we look at what's been happening in the past. So now we're using NLP neuro linguistic programming. So we're watching the behavior or watching the brain change and watching the trauma in the past, any patient or constantly, first of all needs to feel safe, we're getting in a safe place. And we go through that through the NLP or the SE. And we find out so then three techniques together, as as well as building confidence in the patient, that you're your own person, you know, and, unfortunately, we're going to go back, and we're going to pick them to pieces, the scene of the crime, as we call it, and then bring you forward through for the trauma through the behavior through the reaction that you have through the fear, but you haven't we walk them through bit by bit until they have clear conscience. And this takes time to deal with that in mind, Arlina Allen 32:02 yeah. Okay. So you create the safe space, you build confidence, and then bring them through those traumatic experiences with the button. So that feeling of safety and confidence overrides? Yes. Fear. Oh, 100%. That's what is the rewiring of the brain? Unknown Speaker 32:23 Yes, it's really it's resetting your pathways is what it is. Yeah. And then, and then once we've reset your pathways, and get them excited about life, the neurons start firing and get as excited. Every time we say certain things like thank you to somebody, dopamine is released into the brain, we use that a lot, you have to compliment three people every day. So it's a new technique that we have been doing for so many years, that used to call it out the box, they still call it out the box. But with the percentage rates that was on a success we had, we just really need to start looking at alternative ways to go back and fix this permanently. We don't need to go to for medication straight away. Because when we do, or, Arlina Allen 33:03 I'm sorry, go ahead and finish. Unknown Speaker 33:06 Thoughts about drugs, especially heroin addicts. 99.9% of heroin addicts started in the doctor's office, just because the doctor says it so it doesn't make it right. Or doesn't make it true. Yeah, and one of my big deals at the moment is fight against your doctor questioning why how when, what's going on? Why do I need to take this what damage is gonna do to what's the long term effect, but we don't we just go to doctors who are getting backhanders from somewhere, because the latest medication like vyvanse is out. And all of a sudden, it's the number one pill, you couldn't get it over here in Texas, you have to wait a week for vyvanse so popular he was someone who's getting something for doing that. What is five ounce vyvanse is a bit like it's it's amphetamine salts, it's it's a bit like Adderall. It's a different name on it. So when we're feeding our kids, amphetamine salts, speed is what we're giving our kids for attention deficit, when I was a kid, attention deficit was a slap across the head and say, concentrate. But there's a whole new story on that, where we go with that I can't get into it now. Because there's a lot more to explain about that. But that's that's what we do with people, you know, and we build them up and we create a life worth living. And we'll go to any lengths to do it and the length now, so doing as we have to, Arlina Allen 34:23 yeah, let me ask you, there's a lot of talk about I really don't have any judgment about about how people get sober and I understand that there's, you know, harm reduction is a thing. Yes, right. Like I get that and but I'm always I don't have enough information to make an informed decision about like the brain and the neural pathways and because while I think it's important for you know, people are smoking weed to get off heroin and that keeps them alive. God bless you. Do what you got to do. My concern is that like If the emotional and mental evolution or progress ends there, Do you have feelings about I'm sure you have feelings or opinions about like, why is harm reduction? not meant to be a permanent thing? Like how, like when I talk to people like that, how can we move them? Yes, I'm glad you're alive. If that's what's keeping you alive, I don't even have an opinion. But what about, what about one day stopping that? What about healing your brain and your dopamine reward system so that you no longer have to do that you can have the benefits of living a full life. Yeah, because I've heard of people on Suboxone for years, that's not the idea, you know, is much harder to come off Suboxone is heroin as a fact. So what we have to do is, is down step and grade and down and then taper off gradually and have an end date for that. So let's say the end date is two months or three months, we need to we need to keep heading towards that. And eventually as the brain starts to weaken up, and the central nervous system starts to activate supposed to do, and the feelings start coming back. And you realize that life is worth living and so much you've missed out on, eventually the end date will happen, and then be able to come off successfully. So depending on how far down how bad the psychosis is, how bad the day has been damaged, you cannot just stop and say, Okay, my fault drugs now, that's the worst thing in the world you can do, right best thing in the world you can do is seek doctor's help, come down and get your doctor to bring you down. Same with alcohol. I'm wherever they call me all the time, while he's drunk. Uh, you know, he's in a bad state of head. Now the bottles, don't hide the bottles, make him drink until he gets to detox. And many people are just ignorant about these because lack of now, therefore, his lack of information, though, we've been stuck in a closet for so long that you know, and that's one of the things that you want to do. Listen, when I was homeless people used to spit on me on the floor. I used to wake up and kids used to throw diapers on me that will fall. You know, having a lie. I woke up one morning, I was covered in this stuff. And I just I'm angry at that. And I'm really happy that I'm in a great place to do that today. So you know, I'm really strong on let's get a solution, a permanent solution for this minutes lotion, medication. Unfortunately, I don't think for addiction or alcoholism in general, permanent medication is not the way to go. That's in my opinion. because nothing's good enough for me. You know, we go to the sandwich shop, my friend has a sandwich and a call, I get to seminary a bag of chips, two cups, you know, I want 50,000 in the bank. Great. So when we get it Oh, it's just 100. It's crazy. So giving people drugs over lunch impaired regarding alcohol in our government, their addiction, not talking about medical, I take, I take a small drug for my depression, my antidepressant. And I'm proud of that, and I'm not coming off it. And that's the way it goes, you know, we should have that fine line between good medical advice. And don't listen to what other people say. So when it comes down to hardcore, abstinence completely 100% for that, the way we get there, wow, I don't care how you get there. When you come to me, there's an A, B, and C and you'll follow that up. People often say the difference between a therapist and what Dr. Rob's crew does, is the therapist will ask you How are you feeling? Then bastards will tell you how to feel. It's like, well, that's what it is. Because if I sat here long enough for me, and I said, I love you. I think you're the most amazing, gorgeous person I've ever seen. I want to leave my late wife tomorrow. And I want to come and find you out and marry you. You're going to laugh. But if I said it often enough, you're going to start to believe it. And if I said it real often enough, I'm going to start to believe it. So what we hear when we get these patients in sets them up for an amazing life. When's the last time somebody said you're an amazing person? When's the last time we thank somebody? I'll tell them I love you. When you start saying you stopped at a hospital walked in and thanked all the nurses. It never happens. Because especially when you get to a position like me and other people like me. I'm in the office some months ago and have two nurses there once a year once in their ages. And I heard them once said, oh my god. Did you see what Dr. Kerry just did with that guy? came in measureable suicidal, he walked out laughing and Western said bye to everybody is an absolute miracle worker 90 days. Yeah. And the older nurses said, Hey, have you told him that? And said, No, not me. They already knows. But I knows. We don't know. No, no. That's okay. So. So this is the interesting thing about, you know, the default mode network, right? That that operating system that we have in our brain and we tend to this what I've had this, you know, this observation that we need that if we've had constant conditioning of negativity, right like you were talking about repetition, you said if I tell you All these beautiful things, you're gonna start to believe that I'm gonna start to believing it's the repetition because the subconscious mind doesn't filter false from the truth. Right? It just takes, it's like the balance scale, which is kind of the good news, right? There's that idea of 51% that we're actually all you need is 51% to tip the scale, right? So it's this ongoing conditioning that that we need. So over those 90 days, they get the, you know, they get reconditioned, their mind is reset, the family is re adjusted. But the kicker is the the default mode network and going back to the old way, it's like if we don't maintain the conditioning, is it true that they go back to the old ways? What do you do for the ongoing conditioning course? Unknown Speaker 40:46 So this is my guys who are less than I'm sorry, what guys are watching? This is my self sabotage. neuropathways there's a blue plan. lymphocytes out sabotage, okay, these down here. Your small bits of self care. This runs my brain. Yes, I will self sabotage. So what this program does is it takes you from there to there, Arlina Allen 41:09 flips it over. Unknown Speaker 41:10 Yeah, so so they said never going to go away. So we need to daily maintain this by the smallest things obviously Peter, spiritual guy, you pray, covenant people at the Good Samaritan, you know, whenever I go into a room, like the room up, because if I walk into a room with a frown on my face, those people are gonna frown back. If I walk in the room and a smile on my face, most people gonna smile back. That's the hardest thing for people to do is practice smiling. You know, because the world needs leaders, you could be a leader for a day in the office or that waiting room or, you know, the elevator, you know, it's all about carrying carrying a message of Hey, you can be anything you want. And people people used to go Dr. Robert cambia president as I beg to differ today. You know, our business has just been run our country Don't tell me you can't do anything. There's no difference in somebody who comes to me almost homeless or homeless like me, and they and the CEO sat in that office above the only difference is he believed he could do it you don't want to believe that they can do it. The world is that oyster? Absolutely. Arlina Allen 42:13 People really understand how powerful beliefs are no are all in your subconscious mind. Unknown Speaker 42:20 Yeah, all powerful they are I always tell people your power but you just don't know it we need to start realizing how powerful you really are. Arlina Allen 42:28 Yes, I think you know and traditional, like 12 step record like the old school recovery is beating the drum of you're powerless you're powerless over you know, that hear it all the time. powerless over people places and things and I think I have to call bullshit on that. Unknown Speaker 42:43 Because you know, it's the face the biggest myth in a Yeah, is what because what is that once the Heartless were all put? No, it doesn't. Arlina Allen 42:51 alcohol. Unknown Speaker 42:53 What are the step one says we admitted we were powerless. How can I be power is not aware, no apostrophe in there. But people put in all powers over I'm not powerless over alcohol. I pass the liquor store. Hey, man, it's a past tense, they meant it to be a past tense. The term a permanent recovery. We had mentioned we were and our lives had now. It's all past tense once you start the steps if you've read the book, I mean, I love 12 step meetings with that big book because it's the truth. Yeah, talk about a psychic change and people go is that crystal ball? Listen, in 1938 when they were talking about a psychic change, it was changed neural pathways. 10 years ago, only 10 years ago in the medical fraternity, we found the brain was like plastic neuroplasticity they call it so same thing to change the neural pathways a mold in them in 1938 these guys were talking about that. Ai rooms right now are a joke. 90% of people in any meeting around the world is a heavy drinker. And we allow them to get away with this bullshit that come in. Oh, today I want to talk about I went to bed last night and my cat was looking bear up from my husband. Is he an alcoholic? Fuck Really? You know, we allow these guys to do that. So the real message is gone. But I've got to tell you 20 Arlina Allen 44:08 depends where you go. It did. Not only not all meetings are created. Oh, Unknown Speaker 44:13 no, they're not. They're amazing meetings. But there's the best piece of literature I've ever read. Is the 164 about about Blue Book. Oh, yeah. All the studies I've done in the world regarding that pertaining to the recovery of an alcoholic was the best book I've ever read. Arlina Allen 44:25 Yeah, I love the community that Yeah, there's so many good things but but you know, you just blew my mind with the whole we're powerless. Not we're powerless. Little apostrophe makes all the difference. And I guess the one thing that really bothers me about the 12 step community is the way some people treat the book like a new Bible. It's the religious dogmatic, like they're close minded to other things. And I wanted to ask you if you had any thoughts or opinions on, like treatment resistant depression with the use of psychedelics, I know Johns Hopkins is doing lots of studies. And there's this new like alternative recovery for people with like, intense heroin addiction or tend to alcoholism. They're doing these Iosco retreats in Costa Rica do what what are your thoughts on those? Unknown Speaker 45:16 Well, I have to be really kind of medical hair and say, hey, there's not enough data to make a decision right now. But we only know a little about the brain, we're discovering more and more every month. So why wouldn't you try that? Why wouldn't you try a different route to get to the same end result? Which is sanity? and living your best life? You know, and it may work for you? It may not? AIA may work for you. It may not. I mean, you don't have to go one place. 111 place is not the answer to everyone's problems here. The answer is to seek out the treatment that your doctor or therapist tells you to try. And I tried aect about five years ago with electronics I can't remember now trauma or something. But I was depressed, very, very depressed. And this is what my hater my career, but I did it for about four weeks best thing I ever did. Oh, my thing I ever did. Yeah, in literally four or five weeks. So I am always looking at different alternative new treatment, you know, and I don't put it down on anybody or anything from the medical fraternity that wants to be tried. Because why wouldn't we? Arlina Allen 46:23 Yeah, I've seen some just really interest. I've been hearing lots of experiences from people who talk about doing these Iosco retreats, I practice abstinence, my life is great. And I don't feel the need to I don't suffer from depression. It sounds very interesting, because it is a it sounds like a process of dissolving the ego. And really, it's like, it's like it drops the veil of denial. And you can see things clearly what you were talking about before about recognizing and acknowledging the truth, right, the truth of maybe some of the fear and the abandonment in the past. And I just found that really interesting. It'll be interesting to see what the Johns Hopkins clinical trials do. But I know of people personally who do things like the micro dosing to treat clinical depression, and things like Unknown Speaker 47:12 somebody like john hopkins university, and hospital to try this because everyone else would put a dampener on it. So I'm glad a good name in the industry. And the medical fraternity has actually taken steps to do this. I think it's absolutely amazing. But at the end of the day, it all goes back to your childhood. And you always go back to the predisposition and the heredis do facts of any illness around especially alcoholism and addiction. So it would be interesting to find out because the problem is with this world right now, is everybody knows somebody with an alcohol or drug problem. And I always say to him, if you don't, it's probably you. Because everybody knows somebody. You know, and a few times I've said that people got very quiet, and ended the conversation real quick. Yeah. So you know, let's bring it out into the open. Let's try all these things for different people and see if we can get a response. Arlina Allen 48:06 Yeah, yeah, life is short. Let's just Cut the bullshit and get to the truth. Unknown Speaker 48:11 sugarcoating. This shit kills people. And when somebody goes into a room, and a room and goes, Well, we're all powerless over alcohol. My answer is always the same. How many fucking people have you killed with that line? How many people have you killed by just saying that you self sank just son of a bitch. Read the park? If you if you stuck in is that was that mean? Read the information that tells us read it. It's awesome. Arlina Allen 48:35 Yeah, and it's not it's not only read it but apply it right we have to take action and apply the information. So it's not enough to know how we are know what we need to know the how we need to know how to apply this information. And, and listen, I just love what you're doing. It's I'm so pumped. I'm gonna leave all your links in the show notes. What's the best way to get ahold of you? If somebody is needing your help or wanting your help Unknown Speaker 49:00 jump on a Google or anything like that search engine. Just put my name in there. Dr. Rob Kelly, you'll see me websites Rob Kelly, calm I spell my name with two B's. So it's our BB k e Ll y.com. And if you want Listen, guys, I want to say something. If you're sat at home and listen to this and don't think you're worth anything and don't think you can allow anything because of your past. I want to apologize to you guys. Because somebody put that there. We are born with million dollar minds stop hanging around 10 cent minds, it's not for you. So that being said, I know people are set on going it's okay for him to do a turn to I don't know what to do. I'm going to give you my phone number here and my personal phone number. And if you're sat at home in a bad state, I'd rather come and help you right now and come to your funeral. So if you're sat at home in a bad state and want a 10 minute pep talk that will change your life. Here's my personal phone number people don't believe me. This is my cell phone number. It's not my assistance. It's not the front desk. It's 214600 zero to one, zero. Now, as you can imagine, I'm a busy guy where you call me or text me, leave a message, I will get back to you and it will be okay. Don't believe the hype. It's gonna be alright. Arlina Allen 50:12 Wow, that's impressive. I was like, Oh shit, he's really going to do it. Unknown Speaker 50:17 No, people are surprised that that you know, it just I know, I'm in the trenches with you guys. It's on to a homeless guy that got his kids taken off in, you know, that fell asleep. Last drive his kids Three days later not being changed or fed and I'm drunk on the floor, and the police drag them out of there. This is the guy that his eldest daughter said, baby, Daddy, please stop drinking and I couldn't do it. Six months later, I was homeless, the million dollar house had gone. The cars the wife, the kids, the parents, the brother and sister, I was abandoned on the street, I can do this. I'd love to sit here and tell you, I'm really clever. But I'm not. If I can do this, you can do that. You just need that 10 Mini pep talk to set you on the real track. And of course it had been helped you professionally, of course. But you do have to pass an assessment. And 75% of people that come to us fail the assessment, unfortunately, because we're the real deal. We're talking to true. Arlina Allen 51:09 accountability. I love it. Dr. Rob Kelly, thank you so much for your time today. I am so inspired and excited about the work that you're doing. I can't wait to leave all the links to all the resources and thank you so much for being the real deal and giving your phone number. That's incredible. Unknown Speaker 51:29 I know it's awesome. Thank you guys for listening and thank you Arlina you're an amazing and I love you by the way. Arlina Allen 51:34 I love you. I believe you. You have a wonderful day. Thank you so much. Thank you. Bye bye Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Today Arlina Allen is a successful podcast host, speaker and life coach. She uses her 27 years of personal recovery to help others get sober, stay sober and go deeper. In Arlina's words: There was a time when I thought I was just a fun party girl. To say I was proud of the fact that I could drink men twice my size under the table was an understatement. For a long time, I had A LOT of fun. There were lots of wild nights, lots of men, lots of crazy stories... My tag line: If it was in a bottle, a bag, or blue jeans, I was doin' it! My story really begins from April 23, 1994, my fist clean and sober day when I finally admitted that I had to stop using everything, including weed. You can find more on IG @odaatpodcast & www.soberlifeschool.com Listen to the ODAAT Recovery Pod at www.odaatchat.com The Sobriety Diaries is a video podcast where we talk to recovering alcoholics and addicts and hope to help those who may still be struggling. You can find us where you listen to your favorite podcasts with new episodes every Sunday and Wednesday. Please share our show with just 1 person in your life who may be struggling, you just never know what they may need to hear today. Also, please consider donating to The Sobriety Diaries here: https://www.thesobrietydiaries.com/support/ Your donations help us to source the best stories from around the world and keep the show going! . Follow us on Instagram @thesobrietydiariespod Find all things TSD related at www.thesobrietydiaries.com Visit our store at https://www.thesobrietydiaries.com/store/ . Make sure you subscribe so you never miss an episode, every Sunday and Wednesday! Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-sobriety-diaries/id1570033658?uo=4 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0aKbMuMUb2jjTkBBD41Mhm Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81YjYzNDVkOC9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== Anchor: https://anchor.fm/sobrietydiaries Radio Public: https://radiopublic.com/the-sobriety-diaries-Wa0nBA PocketCasts: https://pca.st/6i505fmy Try your best not to drink, and be good to yourself! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/sobrietydiaries/support

Waylon, my youngest son, graduated on the day that I recorded this.  And it susses out all kinds of emotions.  From end of child support payments to the massive marker of time it's quite a day.  And my friend drops an amazing thought bomb on me.  “How about if you spot it you got it and it's about what you admire in people.  If you spot it you've got that.”  And well Waylon just is amazing to me so…Episode notes:Check out the Tools For A Good Life Summit here: https://bit.ly/ToolsForAGoodLifeSummit!Today was the day that my 2nd son, my youngest son, I have two sons, graduated high school.I interviewed Arlina Allen (interview #26)….  And she said the most impactful thing to me.  I am all in on the “if you spot it you got it”.  But I always think of it in terms of negatives.  So I judge this person and it's a reflection of myself.   She said how about this, how about if you spot it you got it and its about what you admire in people.  If you spot it you've got that.“Holy crap!” That is amazing…. So I started thinking about who do I admire. That's a cool thought.  So that's been brewing in my mind. And as I'm seeing people I like I'm like “I've got that!”I recorded this on June 11… my son graduated high school today. My other son two years ago this day. It's a very big marker of time.  And I'm sensitive to that :).  Tmi- my child support ended. And I thought it was going to be one of those “be all end all” type of moments. And it wasn't. It's not that big a deal. Which is crazy to me.  My boys graduating, wow!  That heavy dadness is complete.  Waylon today at graduation - he was just having fun at graduation.  He spontaneously erupted at the crowd in this beautiful way.  Someone happened to snap a picture. And I was like I fucking love him!  Waylon's personality is so rad.  I admire it so.  …and I was thinking of Arlina. Omg, I've got a personality and I've got to love that about myself. It's this cathartic moment :).  Loving myself for who I am loving people for who they are :).Cooper lee showed up for his brother in a big way!  He made it through the two hour graduation.  Encouraging his brother. I just can't tell you how much I love him too.Dawn and I shedding tears of joy.  And just thinking of the people who have gone before and who are coming behind. Life is trippy.  If you've had kids and made it through god bless you.  If you've got young ones and you're on your way god bless you.They (Cooper and Waylon) hugged and it was beautiful.  Amy torn god bless you for snapping that picture.  OMG!  So amazing!And then me just being able to love my boys for who they are and what I admire in them and go “you know what?  That's in me too. Fuck Yeah!”Omg. All these interviews. I was meditating today. Just so tired.  Just interviewing people.  It just emotionally wears me out.  They are just amazing.  Both Robert Drysdale and Anthony Trucks talked about loving themselves and not needing to please everybody.  As points of learning as they've gotten older.  I really needed to hear it.  It's been a process of loving who I am.  Loving who we are in a non arrogant way.  That's been the trick for me. Love me or leave me wrapped up in as little arrogance as possible.  …I was physically and mentally exhausted from the summit.  And beat down.  And I asked the universe “how can I be of service to Waylon? How can I make this about Waylon today?”  And my attitude changed in an instant.  I was just laughing as crying on my walk after it all.The big marker of time “check”.Start podcasting!  Get the Shure MV88 mobile mic, you can literally take it anywhere on the fly https://amzn.to/2Mnba3QAccess my “Insiders Guide to Finding Peace” here: https://belove.media/peace    See more resources at https://belove.media/resources.   Email me: contact@belove.media   For social Media:      https://www.instagram.com/mrmischaz/  https://www.facebook.com/MischaZvegintzov     Subscribe and share to help spread the love for a better world!As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

In this episode, Bev and Arlina discuss: Doing the deeper work on resolving things on the subconscious level How coaching can support the process of resolving self-sabotage and some tools to use How self-esteem and self-sabotage relate Key Takeaways and actionable tips: What self-sabotaging behaviors do you have? How does your coaching help people address self-sabotage? Arlina and I know one another through She Recovers. Check out She Recovers here: https://sherecovers.org/. ABOUT ARLINA Arlina Allen is a Life & Recovery Coach, the founder of Sober Life School, and host of the award winning recovery podcast, "The One Day At A Time Podcast". She has been sober since 4/23/94, married for 24 years, and mother of two amazing boys. Her class "Reinvent-How To Rebuild Self-Esteem & End Self-Sabotage" is being taught to those who've suffered from low self-esteem, addiction, codependency, toxic relationships and many other issues. "We only allow into our lives what we believe we deserve on a subconscious level. You can change what you believe and create the life of your dreams. Change your mind, change your life." ~Arlina Allen Connect with Arlina Sober Life School- http://www.soberlifeschool.com Reinvent - Self Esteem Course http://www.selfesteemcourse.com Podcast http://www.odaatchat.com Facebook Page: facebook.com/odaatchat Instagram: @odaatchat Free Sobriety Reset Mini Course - soberlifeschool.com ABOUT BEVERLY Beverly Sartain is the President of the Holistic Coach Training Institute, where she trains aspiring coaches on coaching skills and business set-up. The Holistic Coach Certification Program is an ICF ACSTH accredited program that focuses on a holistic approach to coaching. We see Clients as whole, complete and resourceful to create creative solutions to their challenges and issues. Additionally, Beverly provides individual and group coaching through her brand, Recovery Life Management. She received her B.S. from the University of Florida and an M.A. from the University of Santa Monica. During her ten-year career in nonprofits, she managed and developed domestic violence and co-occurring residential programs. Beverly is a Certified Alcohol and Drug Counselor. She has her PCC (Professional Certified Coach) from the ICF. Connect with Beverly Website: https://holisticcoachtraininginstitute.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/holisticcoachtraininginstitute LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bevsartain/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnoAf_6jTRxgFtAFn3YdL7w Enjoyed this podcast? Subscribe to Holistic Coach Legacy Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/holistic-coach-legacy-podcast/id1549121014

Arlina Allen is the host of the One Day at a Time Podcast and the founder of the Soberlife School. She is also a recovery coach. Arlina loves helping other people achieve sobriety and helping other people live life to the fullest. ------------------------- Thanks for listening to The Funky Brain Podcast with Dennis Berry! Dennis is a Life Coach for Addiction Recovery and Life Mastery. If you are struggling with any type of addiction like alcohol, food, porn, drugs, or shopping, reach out for help. Asking for help is the first step in solving the addiction puzzle. Maybe you're not struggling with an addiction, but you are simply “stuck” in life and don't know how to push through. Dennis is the master in helping people get laser-focused, accomplishing their goals and dreams, and achieving life mastery on every level. Dennis works with people worldwide and currently has clients in England, Australia, and India. Zoom is a beautiful tool for helping people all over the world.

Welcome to today's show!   WHAT WE'LL LEARN: Arlina described her deepest roots as having come from two traumatic incidents early on. She learned some survival skills that “did not translate into healthy adult relationships.” How at age 8 or 9, Arlina discovered alcohol. And she described the first drink vividly. She stated, “The self-confidence & self-loathing was lifted….” This cemented the theory that alcohol would take away “all these bad feelings.” Why she felt money or love was going to save her. (Hint: love did not come in the form she was expecting)! Why she feels Quantum Physics explains everything she had learned from her religious upbringing. Arlina shared she made all her decisions based on low self-esteem. And her work in recovery is now to identify & reframe her self-beliefs. How “Empathy is the antidote to shame.” Arlina shared that her shame presented as defensiveness. And shame could not survive once it was spoken. How connection became the cure to her feeling less shame, less isolated &  less alone. Stay tuned for next week's interview with Arlina Allen as we focus on the theory & practice of her recovery along with a writing exercise! Key Quotes: Arlina's tagline: “If it were in a bottle, a bag, or blue jeans, I was doing it.”   “I was trying to think my way into right living. And it turns out I needed to live my way into right thinking.”   RESOURCES MENTIONED   A.I.R. Survey Please take this 45 second survey to help direct the future of the AIR podcast.  SoberLifeSchool.com For more info, head over to atheistsinrecovery.com and subscribe to our email list. And thank you for listening!   Leave an honest review on ITUNES.  Your ratings and reviews really help and I read each one.   Subscribe to the A.I.R. newsletter where you will learn to identify patterns of dysfunctional thinking, change the dysfunctional thinking into something more positive, and find hope in recovery.   If you enjoyed today's episode, please share it with friends, family, and other professionals by using the social media buttons on this page.

Life in Recovery Podcast is life stories from people in recovery. Recovery Champions, Arlina Allen & Dennis Berry, talk with John about how they use the tools of their recovery to help them through the most difficult times.  Addiction related support links:https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk https://www.thesurvivorstrust.orghttps://cocaineanonymous.org.ukhttps://www.al-anonuk.org.uk http://ukna.org https://oa.orghttps://www.nar-anon.org https://www.smartrecovery.org.uk https://www.survivorsuk.orghttps://www.soberlifeschool.comhttps://dennisberry.comLiR books by author, philosopher and podcast host, Ren Koi: https://www.lifeinrecovery.co.uk/addiction-preventionhttps://www.lifeinrecovery.co.uk/anonymous-godhttps://www.lifeinrecovery.co.uk/togetherhttps://www.lifeinrecovery.co.uk/the-spiritual-maladyhttps://www.lifeinrecovery.co.uk/all-is-one/https://www.lifeinrecovery.co.uk/the-benz/Theme music composed and performed by Carl Jenkins.#LifeInRecovery

Arlina A is sober since 4/23/97 from drugs and alcohol. Married since 97 to a sober spouse, two amazing boys and an english bulldog called Teddy. We are from San Jose, CA but now live in the Boise, ID area.  Arlina is also the host of the long-running recovery podcast called "One Day At A Time Recovery Podcast with Arlina Allen"  Link to it here:  https://odaatchat.com/Welcome to the Reco12 Speaker Meeting.  We are an organization whose addictions include alcohol, drugs, lust and sex, food and gambling, just to name a few.  We come together from all places, faiths and backgrounds to learn the similarities of addiction and to gain tools and hope from others who are walking a similar path.  We invite recovering addicts with at least 1 year sobriety and who are actively working their recovery in their respective fellowships to share their experience, strength and hope on a live Zoom webinar, each Friday at 12:00 pm central time, for 20-25 minutes.  Then, we, the live audience, get the opportunity to ask questions of the speaker for another 20-25 minutes.  If you are hearing this meeting in recorded podcast form and would like to participate as a live audience member in the future, please go to www.reco12.com to learn more and submit your email address there to receive weekly invitations.  Reco12 is a self-supporting service and we appreciate your help in keeping us working our Step 12 in this manner.  We gratefully accept contributions to help cover the costs of the Zoom platform, podcast platform, web hosting, and administrative costs.  To contribute, you can go to https://www.reco12.com/support  or you can click the link to PayPal (https://www.paypal.me/reco12)  in the chat of the live meeting.  When you contribute, please specify the meeting number.  This is meeting number 51.Resources mentioned during this conversation:ODAAT Podcast:  https://odaatchat.com/Alcoholics Anonymous:  https://www.aa.orgOutro music is “Standing Still” by Cory Ellsworth and Randy Kartchner, performed by Mike Eldred and Elizabeth Wolfe.  This song, and/or the entire soundtrack for the future Broadway musical, “Crosses:  A Musical of Hope”, can be purchased here:  https://music.apple.com/us/album/crosses-musical-hope-by-cory/528476262  This song is used with the  permission of Cory Ellsworth.Support the show (https://www.reco12.com/support)

Hello Loves,   Thank you for downloading the podcast, my name is Arlina, and I’ll be your host.    Today, my guest is Dennis Berry, Author of “the funky brain” and the podcast with the same name. He is a Life Mastery Coach and has been working with people worldwide for over 15 years and he has been sober since April 8, 2003.   We talk a lot about different solutions and ideas that will hopefully help you on your recovery journey. I would love love love to hear what you found helpful, so shoot me an email at arlina@odaatchat.com or leave a comment on the one day at a time facebook page! (links to both on the website).     This episode is brought to you by Sober Life School. In case you didn’t know, I offer private coaching to focus on recovery, relationships and self-esteem. If you’d like to find out more about how I can help, you can set up a free strategy call by visiting: http://www.soberlifeschool.com   So there ya have it, please enjoy this wide ranging conversation, with Dennis!   Transcript:   Arlina Allen  0:09   Okay, well, Dennis, welcome back to the podcast.   Unknown Speaker  0:12   Thank you Arlina. My, my big young sister.   Arlina Allen  0:18   Sister. Yes, I mean, I'm tiny in stature. I'm only like 5'3", but yes, a big and personality.   Unknown Speaker  0:24   You are, I think we both have that   Arlina Allen  0:26   you are too. Yeah, definitely cut from the same cloth. I am excited to have you back because we're going to focus this time on lots of solutions. You are a recovery coach, Life Mastery school, per your logo up there in the corner. For those of you who are not watching this on YouTube, Dennis has a logo. So we're going to talk about we're gonna I'm gonna ask you the lightning round. And then we're going to give a recap on your story, because you were on before. And I will leave a link from your previous interview. But I enjoy talking to you so much. I'm so glad that you're you're back. But we're going to talk about some solutions in regards to maybe some of the things that might be holding you back if you haven't yet gotten sober. How is that?   Unknown Speaker  1:22   I love that. That's great.   Arlina Allen  1:24   Yeah, it'll be fun. I don't know fun. But yeah, let's do some fun because most of these podcasts are so heavy. You and I were kind of giggling before that. We need to infuse some fun into this too, right?   Unknown Speaker  1:36   I love fun. I'm I'm outgoing, fun person.   Arlina Allen  1:39   You are fun.   Unknown Speaker  1:40   I am like we are not a lot. Why me up? Let me go. I'll take it.   Arlina Allen  1:47   Well, that's what we'll do. And I am gonna ask you what you do for fun, but for as far as a lightning round questions go. When you first got sober. What was maybe like one of the most impactful books that you read?   Unknown Speaker  2:01   Hmm. Wow. That's a that's a loaded question. whitesville many were like the world was just opening up. I was just starting to understand life. So everything I read was like, wow, wow. Oh, my God, don't wait. So it was all like, really exciting and interesting. But, you know, I think like, the big book was exciting, because I was like, all the lights and stuff were going off. But, you know, the 12 and 12, the 12 steps. It really made things make a lot more sense. And so it was really informative to me. And outside of that of the, you know, a approved literature I really liked read and there was a book it was there is about it's called as a man thinketh   Arlina Allen  2:42   Oh, that's a good one. Victor. Is that Viktor Frankl?   Unknown Speaker  2:45   No, it's James Allen. I think James Allen. That's right. It was written in like 1902, like over 100 years ago, and almost 120 years ago. And it's a you know, a lot of that came out of that came like science of mine law of attraction, the secret and positive thinking and stuff like that. And it's like, what you think about you attract into your life. And that's really where a lot of that came from? And then you know what? That came from the Bible too. So I mean, all this stuff is millennials old. We didn't invent any of this shit. So yeah, no,   Arlina Allen  3:15   I mean, those ideas, not only the Bible, but it's in like all the ancient traditions. Yeah, right. Yeah, he's it. None of these ideas are new. But every generation sort of has like this free discovery. So yeah, as a man thinketh is an amazing book. And the bid book is sort of the nickname for the book called Alcoholics Anonymous for those who are new. And the 12 and 12. Did you know that the 12 and 12 was written after? was it? It was bill right, wrote that comment? Well, yeah,   Unknown Speaker  3:46   I'm sure a little ones like 1213 years later.   Arlina Allen  3:50   Wow. Yeah, he did it after a little silicided experiment.   Unknown Speaker  3:54   Yes. Yeah. And a few relapses, like he didn't hear Yeah, like everybody's like, Bill. Oh, he busted had like, 50 years of sobriety, I think, yeah, I only had like, I think teens.   Arlina Allen  4:06   I don't know, that will be a good thing to look up. Like, how long did he have money passed away? Yeah, our founding fathers wrote some interesting stuff. So those are really good books. Thank you for those. Do you have sort of a go to mantra or quote that you live by?   Unknown Speaker  4:26   Now you're throwing these at me? I wasn't prepared.   Arlina Allen  4:28   I just told you them.   Unknown Speaker  4:31   Three minutes ago, and then we talked about other stuff.   Arlina Allen  4:35   Okay, I'll do I'll help you. I'll help you out with Well, no.   Unknown Speaker  4:39   Oh, yeah. Well, you know, and I, yes, I there's one that I live by, and not live by, but it helps propel me. And that is, and it's an ancient, not ancient. It's a old philosopher, but he said all of man's problems and women come from our inability to sit quietly in a room. alone. And that's one of my favorites. because it reminds me that we're always out like doing something we have to always be going and doing and making money and buying things and talking to people. And we can't sit still. And stillness and mindfulness have really become, you know, an integral to my, which I think is one of the next questions coming up. integral to like my daily living, you know, sitting in stillness. You know, when I get overwhelmed and stressed out and full of fear, in my old solution was to go do something or drink something or smoke something or go scroll or make a strong sense phone calls for no reason. Hey, what are you doing? I don't know. What are you doing? Oh, I'm sitting in traffic. Oh, what? Like, those are just avoiding what's going on in your life? So sometimes the answer is just to sit still. So I love   Unknown Speaker  5:49   that quote, hard.   Unknown Speaker  5:51   It is hard. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz it goes against our nature.   Arlina Allen  5:54   Oh, for sure. No, I mean, I grew up. I'm an achievement junkie. Like I'm an you know, like home and my my inner default is that Home Depot. More doing?   Unknown Speaker  6:08   Yeah, go buy something and build something and do something.   Arlina Allen  6:13   And listen, man, truth be told, there's nothing wrong with that. But my knee jerk is to distract. And in my mind, the purpose of obsession is distraction. Right. It's like, but what are we distracting from? And for me, that's why sitting is so hard. But yes, you're right. What a great reminder. You know, that's a great saying, I don't know if that's a quote Exactly. But I love that idea. That that reminder of we need to, you know, be still and know that Oh, God.   Unknown Speaker  6:41   Yeah, there are great quotes that I can't because I'm on the spot. I can usually spit out all kinds of quotes, but because I'm on the spot, I'm like, No, but I want that deer   Arlina Allen  6:51   in the headlight. I love that. Yeah. Um, no worries. If you think of something brilliant that you want to share, you just feel free to interrupt me and we'll include that. Okay. Okay. Do you have a regular recovery routine or self care practice?   Unknown Speaker  7:07   Absolutely. Yeah. And you know, I am, its body, mind. And spirit is like my, and that could be like the quote, you know, body, mind and spirit, I have to always be working on those three, it's really hard to have all three in perfect alignment all the time. But I work on that all the time. And when I wake up in the morning, I, you know, we have a choice of how we want our day to go. So I can wake up and look at the news and watch politics and get stressed out and worried that that's the way my day goes. But the way I wake up is I wake up and I read something productive. That's going to set my mind in the right direction. And I meditate, and I drink lots of water. And I exercise. And then I you know, I look at my calendar afterwards, with clear direction. And that's the way my day goes. So if I wake up with a clear mind moving in the right direction, then my day goes in the right direction. So yeah, I stick to that. That's pretty much the way I roll and I have my whole life is like a life of service. That's why I do what I do.   Arlina Allen  8:08   Yeah. And stop messing around with that on your desk.   Unknown Speaker  8:12   I don't know what you're doing. Oh.   Unknown Speaker  8:14   Did I make   Arlina Allen  8:16   a podcast or you want to know better?   Unknown Speaker  8:17   I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.   Unknown Speaker  8:20   Just dizzy. You know, I   Unknown Speaker  8:22   know. It's my nail clippers because I have a hangnail.   Arlina Allen  8:25   Oh, dear. Well, I'm so sorry to hear about that. Yeah. Okay, so read something positive meditate water, exercise calendar. And you do like, I know you're in good shape. You exercise a lot. And can you share with me your meditation practice? Because I think a lot of people are really confused about what meditation is, especially early in recovery. What I hear from people is that I can't meditate. But maybe you can just kind of break break down what meditation really is.   Unknown Speaker  8:57   Absolutely. So there's a You're right, there's a common misconception that you have to be like in a sit in in robes sitting in the Himalayas, in a cave, somewhere, have zero box, yes, to meditate. And that's not true at all. You can meditate on the toilet, you can meditate at a red light. You know, the idea is stillness and mindfulness. When I'm still and mindful. The answers can come in, you know, there's room, there's space in my head for the answers to come in. Like if I'm listening to loud music, or jumping into, you know, Facebook, or whatever it is what I'm doing, you know, I'm probably thinking about my problems and the music that's on. But if I could sit in silence, you know, I'm going to think about my problems. But there's space for the solutions and the answers to come in. So when I meditate, it's almost always in silence. Nowadays, I used to do a lot of guided meditation and with my clients, I'm like, you know what, if you really can't sell for more than five minutes, let's pull up let's do like a progressive muscle relaxation or a body scan or other something else like humans. by the waves crashing on the beach or raindrops or birds chirping. Just make a start somewhere. And then eventually I want to move into silence where that's where I calm down. And, you know if i 20 for me, 20 is the magic number,   Unknown Speaker  10:15   right? In my notes.   Unknown Speaker  10:16   Yeah, if I meditate for five or 10 minutes, it definitely slows things down, and I feel okay. But if I can hit 2025, for some reason, when I open my eyes afterwards, 20 plus minute meditation, all my senses are heightened, I could see better hear better, I could feel better, my touches better everything. So really, for me, it's stillness. And, you know, there's a bunch of different techniques that we could talk about, probably another time, but, you know, really focusing on your breathing and focusing on being present.   Arlina Allen  10:49   Focus on breathing and being present. Yeah, I hear a lot of times when people say I can't meditate, what they're saying is that I can't clear my mind a thought, is usually what ends up coming out. And so my, my response to that is usually, that is not the goal. The goal isn't to clear my head to not have any thoughts. I mean, your brains job is to think so for me, like what you said about just focusing on your breath. And then once you catch your mind thinking, you just notice it, and then gently, gently bring it back to the present moment. Because, you know, even now, sometimes I go back, I'm not I'm thinking again, you know, but it's like, No, no, this there doesn't have to be any hostility about notice. Notice what I'm thinking, it's just like, oh, bring it back to the breath. And if I my mind strays, 1000 times, I just bring it back. 1000 times, that's all.   Unknown Speaker  11:50   Yes. I mean, can I share? Here's a great quote, actually, if you want to use this as the quote, okay. And that is the idea of meditation. It's not to control your mind. It's to not let your mind control you. Oh, that's a good one.   Arlina Allen  12:07   Yeah, like your mind. And that is the thing, right? Like, Holy moly, the whole thing about addiction is that your mind is in control?   Unknown Speaker  12:17   Yes, we have on average, 60 to 80,000 thoughts every day. If those are all awesome, useful, productive thoughts? How great would that be, but most of them are, like useless or harmful thinking. So if we cannot let those take over our lives and drive our our daily activities, then we have a better chance of hitting our goals of being successful, healthy, happy, and overcoming our addictions? Absolutely. Yeah, there   Arlina Allen  12:43   is a National Science Foundation, said 60, that we have 60 to 80 thought 1000 thoughts per day, 85% of those thoughts are negative. And 95% of those thoughts are the same as the day before. Isn't that interesting? So we are actually and then we make decisions and take actions based on those thoughts. And then we are basically in a loop. So we're literally living in the residual of all of yesterday's decisions and thoughts and actions, right? So it's grown on day. So if you, if you find yourself asking, How did I get here? Again? It's all based on thoughts. So I love the process that you offer for meditation, because that's where the change can happen.   Unknown Speaker  13:32   Yeah, and there needs to be changed. Like, you know, like, one of the bumper sticker things we hear all the time is like, nothing changes, if nothing changes. So if I'm stuck in that loop every day, and I'm wondering, why am I hitting my financial goals, and my relationship continues to suck and why I can't get sober. 30 pounds, I'm can't get sober. Because I'm stuck in that loop. So great point. Wow, wow, we're really solving a lot of the world's stuff. And it's only been five   Arlina Allen  14:00   years or so. Right? Gosh, and we haven't even gotten to be this is one of my favorite questions. What would you tell younger dentists? What would you what's the one thing you wish you knew when you first got sober?   Unknown Speaker  14:14   I would have to say,   Unknown Speaker  14:17   ask for help.   Unknown Speaker  14:20   You know, we're taught that asking for help is a sign of weakness, but it's not. It's actually a sign of strength, you know, reaching out saying and, you know, with humility being like, you know, I don't understand this. I can't figure this out on my own, otherwise, I would have by now, right? And so reaching out to somebody who is on the other side of the addiction, or just is doing better in life, or whatever you define is better or just somebody that has something you want is how we used to say in tough stuff, and it's like, reach out and be like, hey, how did you get there? You know, I can't figure this out. Can you maybe you can guide me through this. Because I was by myself, I'm stuck with my 80,000 thoughts from yesterday that are negative, and I can't figure it out. So ask for help. That's my big one.   Arlina Allen  15:10   I love that. I love what you said about if I could have done it. If I could have done it already, I would have. Yeah. Yeah, ask for help. It is a sign of strength. Our society, you know, sees that as weakness, but it takes a lot of courage to be able ask for help. And the thing is, there's so many people who are willing to give it. Everybody loves giving free advice. Are you kidding me?   Unknown Speaker  15:35   They just don't follow their own advice. They just give it up.   Arlina Allen  15:38   Yeah, give it up smooth. Yeah, but   Unknown Speaker  15:40   you know what, like, one of the things I tell my clients all the time, too, is like, yes, we want to ask for help. But we also want to learn, we want to become independent, too. And we want to learn things on our own too. So I can't just sit here, if we're in a session and give you all the answers, I want you to figure some stuff out, too. So you know, if you're stuck, I can't figure this out. definitely ask for help, and then start googling stuff. Google has the answers to pretty much anything in the world. So I can't figure this out. Like what store? Should I go by this? How can I meditate? Okay, just Google it.   Arlina Allen  16:15   here's, here's the problem. A lack of information is not the issue. It's applying it. And I think that's why it's so important to have somebody like you in life, right for the fellows, you know, I still sort of kind of, I know, I know, you help a lot, a lot of the men, you know, apply the information. It's about applying. So you're all about the action and applying the information. The information is all out there. But we don't do it for a reason. Right? And we'll talk about that later. I do want to ask you about your recovery journey. But we're going to talk in this episode about how to uncover and identify some limiting beliefs. And they prevent us from applying that information. So I guess that's like a teaser? I don't know. I don't usually do that. But I need to know what you do for fun these days. Because we are not a glum lot. We like having fun. What do you do for fun these days?   Unknown Speaker  17:14   Well, I'm in the process of moving to the beach, and the beach is my happy place. So right now is a kind of a strange time in my life. But it's good because I can handle it because I'm sober. And I and I actively live a life of sobriety and self improvement so I can handle it. And I'm doing all this while working and I'm selling everything I own. I'm moving to a minimalist lifestyle. It's quite interesting to find all the stuff that I used to have that I I can't say I've never been a very materialistic person. But the stuff that I had that I thought made me happy. And you know, some of it definitely imparts some joy or whatever I don't like. The example I'm going to give right now is like, last week, this woman came and picked up my whole living room set. And I had a cool little living room. It was like a beautiful, yeah, I remember. Yeah. And she took it away. And I was like, and it was like, empty, and there was like, echoes again. And I was like, Oh, my God, and I set up my folding chairs in my living room. And I'm like, I love this. It was free. It was empty. There's elbow room. And there's a space to walk through the whole living room. And I was like, I love it. And my whole house is emptying out. So I love that. And so at the end in the next like, four to six weeks, all I'm gonna have left is my four suitcases that I'm bringing to Mexico. So for fun right now. I mean, I always for me, fun is the beach. But I exercise a lot. And I swim a lot I walk a lot jog, I would say running except them. I call it middle age running, which is really like a fast walk or jog sometimes. And I like lifting weights and I you know, that gives me energy. And I like eating well and drinking lots of water. These things that used to be such a chore that people are like, you should do this and you'll feel better and stuff. They've become the way that I live now. So I enjoy that.   Arlina Allen  19:13   I hate that word should because yeah, without knowing it, it actually creates resistance.   Unknown Speaker  19:19   Mm hmm.   Arlina Allen  19:20   Man eliminate that shit out of your life. Don't ever say Should I here's, here's what I found is that when you give someone permission to keep doing the bad behavior, they make the choice themselves to do something better.   Unknown Speaker  19:34   Yeah, we're resilient by nature. Yeah, yeah. If you tell me I usually do. Like when I was drunk, you know, years ago, I would sit on the barstool. And I would say you should do this and you should do that. And they would all look at me like, well, your life kind of sucks. So if I do what you're telling me I should do I'm gonna end up like you. I don't do that anymore.   Arlina Allen  19:54   Yeah. As I say, not as I do. That's like the worst parenting. Approach ever Sure, we learn by example. Okay, so that I love that minimal lifestyle moving to Mexico to live by the beach. I mean that you're talking about, like spending time in nature and that is so like rejuvenating. Yeah, just getting return to nature. It's, um, okay, so how about you tell me I'm so curious. Always. And I don't know that I read, I hear a lot of stories about people's sort of like turning points. It's like, okay, it's like we develop these addictions. I know, you had a pretty crazy story. You don't have to rehash the whole thing. But, you know, maybe a little bit about what it was like. But I'm really so curious about what was the pivotal moment for you when you decided to quit drinking, because it's the decision that really fascinates me.   Unknown Speaker  20:55   Yeah, great point. That was the 32nd version. I was a crazy maniac, ski racer party ski bum chef guy for 10 years. And that was up in northeast Vermont. And then I moved out here to Colorado 21 years, 22 years ago now. And, and I kind of kept it going, but I stopped skiing. So then I was living in suburbia, living that lazy drunken lifestyle. And then I started eating fast food and stuff, and I stopped skiing. So I didn't have the activity. So I put on a bunch of weight. And I was just like, the fat drunken dude, who you see now is not the man that I once was. And   Arlina Allen  21:34   you're Mr. Fit now. Yeah.   Unknown Speaker  21:36   And that also, that all came to a head. And in 2003, I lost the job I was proud of, and I, my I spent all the money use all the resources in my life. We're all spent, I couldn't turn to family or anybody anymore for money or help or anything. And that was my pivotal moment. And I ended up in a 30 day rehab center, and I just kind of latched on it's funny, I was just doing a podcast with somebody else a couple hours ago. And they asked a similar question. But you know, I got there, and they're, you know, in rehab, you can go and there's a lot of people that are like bouncing in and out of rehabs and that are there for the wife or the husband or the the law or their job or whatever. But I was there because I needed to change. Like I, I remember there was a group, there was a small group, like the rehab I was in it was like 50 people. So we had like these big meetings with with everybody. And then they had a small group where there was like six or seven of us. And people were going around the room that were there longer than me. And it was only like my first or second day. And it came out they were and they were talking about different things in their lives. And they came to me and I just started crying. And I said, I can't stop drinking. Like people were talking about resentment and fear, and insecurities and heartache and financial problems, like all this stuff. And I was like, I didn't know, those were the reasons I couldn't stop drinking that I needed to work on life. But I just started crying. I can't stop drinking. And I don't know what to do. And this is sad to say. So if you're listening and you can't stop drinking, I understand. And I know Arlina does, too. And that's the hardest. The hardest thing you know, we look at people on the outside. This is why I think it's important to work with people who know what it's like to be drunk and not be able to stop. It's like, I can look at you, you could tell me your story. And there's nothing that we haven't heard before, or done before. And you could tell me that story. And to you it's like the biggest thing in the world. And to me, I'm like, Oh, yeah, I've heard that before. We're gonna get through it. It's okay. You know, because I've done that. And so I latched on to people that that were doing the work that we call now. And they were they were praying and meditating, talking to people writing things down reading exercise, they do it all the things you asked me what do I do? Not much has changed in the last 18 years. You know, I   Arlina Allen  24:07   everything   Unknown Speaker  24:08   except everything. And I just do it at a deeper level. Now, you know, they say, you know, like, when people talk about diets, and they're like, well, I tried that diet, it didn't work. But it did work. You go on the diet, you do what it says you stop eating crap, and then you exercise more, you lose 20 pounds. So you start eating cheesecake again, and you get fat again, and you're like, well, what happened? I tried that diet. It didn't work, but it did you stop doing the things that it told you to do. So it's the same as sobriety. It's like you come in, life's falling apart. We're like here, why don't you try this and you're like, Okay, I'm hurting, I'm gonna do that. And then a month later, or a week later, or whatever, you stop doing that stuff because you stopped drinking, but we haven't changed anything else. So a week later or a month later, we stopped drinking and we stopped doing the things that helped us stop drinking. And then we end up drinking because we don't know how to handle life. That's the real problem like thinking, we haven't changed our thinking. We haven't worked on the real reasons why we drink. So once we start doing that, then we can handle life as it comes at us. Because it continues to come at you. It's what's our reaction to it, when that happens?   Arlina Allen  25:21   Absolutely. And we have evidence that other people are experiencing those same circumstances, and they don't drink. So what's the difference? Right, and, and it feels to me like it's the practice that you described that self care practice that that helps us cope and do the emotion management stuff.   Unknown Speaker  25:44   But I think you said a big word there,   Unknown Speaker  25:46   the emotion management, I love that emotional sobriety that we talked about. That's really the goal. You know, this isn't a not drinking contests, it's about growing up and looking at the world in the eye, and living a life of integrity and honesty, and helping people.   Arlina Allen  26:01   Thank you for saying that. It's not a not whatever you said, um, but not not not drinking content. funny, because we do give accolades to people who don't drink for long periods of time. But it's been my experience that those people can be as batshit crazy or sick as people who are continuing to drink. So this is not a not drinking contest. It's about personal evolution, because we are always evolving. So we're either evolving or devolving   Unknown Speaker  26:37   sounds   Arlina Allen  26:38   like a muscle, it's like you, you know, you you stay in shape, because you continue to exercise, right? And so you're, in my mind, like sobriety is like that, too. Like, my brain has this default. And I have to exercise it to get out of that default. And when I stop exercising, I go back to default. Absolute.   Unknown Speaker  26:57   Yeah, I was taught we always want to be pushing uphill, right. And if we're not pushing uphill, we're sliding downhill. There's no planing out. There's no like hanging out, because, but the differences and people think that pushing uphill means struggling, it doesn't have to mean struggle. It just means trying to be better than I was yesterday.   Unknown Speaker  27:16   Yeah.   Unknown Speaker  27:17   That's already yesterday.   Unknown Speaker  27:18   So what did I do yesterday? That worked? Let's do more of that. And let's try to keep going. What did I do that didn't work? Let's stop doing that. Let's try to become better. That's all.   Arlina Allen  27:29   Yeah. And I think that's so important. You know, this is why it's so important to have like a mentor, like a sponsor, or a coach or something to help you sort of stay in balance, because I mean, recovery seems to be full of paradoxes, right? It's like, we have to do all this work. But then we have to, you know, stay in peace, and we have another day, then we have to do growing pains. And it's the whole thing. So it's nice to have somebody but it is just what like my whole thing is one day at a time. Right, which we just have to do today. You know, and it's nice to have friends and an environment, you know, set up to support that. So,   Unknown Speaker  28:06   yes, well, I know why you need a coat. I know why you need a coat. Because we all do.   Unknown Speaker  28:12   I know I have one. Isn't that great? Like coach, I   Arlina Allen  28:15   have a sponsor, I have their bus.   Unknown Speaker  28:18   Yes. So I was taught and I'm sure if we talked about this before, but it's like I was taught have an expert in every area of your life. So I'm not a doctor, if I get sick, I need to go to the doctor. If I have to go to court, I need a lawyer. If I hate doing taxes, I hate it hate it. So I needed an accountant every year to help me do that. And apparently I can't get sober on my own. And apparently I have a hard time achieving all my goals on my own. So let's get back to what we said 10 minutes ago. Ask for help somebody who's not emotionally attached to my shirt who can see it from out here instead of me going oh my god, this is how my life's go and say well what if we just look at it from here instead? Oh, wow, I didn't think of that. Your first thought because you're emotionally attached right now to your crap and you you can't see through it   Arlina Allen  29:09   can't see that. Yeah, I always say that like emotion colors my perspective I can't see clearly and, and I do I do need somebody who's objective. Are you gonna write that down?   Unknown Speaker  29:20   Yes. Your   Arlina Allen  29:23   emotion colors my perspective? Yeah, I can't see clearly. I mean, rose colored glasses, right? That's beautiful, positive thing, but I don't know if that's positive all the time.   Unknown Speaker  29:36   I'm gonna have to write Arlina Allen underneath.   Arlina Allen  29:39   I'm full of it.   Unknown Speaker  29:40   give you all the credit your fault for something, follow them all kinds of things. Yeah,   Arlina Allen  29:46   I'm an obsessive learner. Sorry, try to fill fill this look good things. But no, I love that idea of having an expert in every area of your life, which includes like sobriety, you know, goal achievement. All that stuff, I love it. But this is actually a good segue into, you know, maybe let's just start at the beginning. Like if you're struggling to quit drinking, you know, maybe we can start to talk a little bit about what are some of the beliefs that may be the negative limiting beliefs that we have about quitting drinking, a lot of people are afraid to quit drinking, pick a date or that they're going to start stopping. My son says A is for quitters. I think that's hilarious. But some people are really afraid. It's, it's really there's a lot of socializing that happens with alcohol present, there's, you know, you know, some people that I talked to you, they're like, everybody I know, drinks. And I'm like, guess what? Nobody that I know, drinks? Hardly anybody?   Unknown Speaker  30:55   It's not. So I did. Well, maybe you did   Arlina Allen  31:01   seem crazy. But it's like, No, we choose people. We choose people to be in our life. You know, there's that saying that if you ordered a shit sandwich, chances are you ordered it. Like we choose the shitty people. And it's not funny. It's not a I didn't say it. But um, so socializing is probably a big area. And then I thought maybe we would also sort of dive into a little bit of what of your partner's still drinking and you want to quit? Those are a couple of tricky ones. So how, what do you what do you see as some of the limiting beliefs around, you know, not drinking as a, as it relates to socializing.   Unknown Speaker  31:44   This is great limiting beliefs, beliefs, and behaviors, those harmful beliefs and behaviors that we've had, in most cases for decades. You know,   Unknown Speaker  31:53   what's up,   Arlina Allen  31:54   unexamined beliefs,   Unknown Speaker  31:56   unexamined? And, you know, maybe we saw dad yelling at mom, or hitting mom, or maybe we saw something that our friends that years, maybe were five years old, and we're like, I don't know how to handle that. But I find a way through it. And then I carry that behavior, whether it's healthy or not into my whole life, right? That behavior and those beliefs into my whole life, I'm not good enough, I'm not worth it. Although I'm funny enough, smart enough, good looking enough. And we carry those all the way through. And then in my case, like, I had those when I was five years old, then I start drinking when I'm 15. And that took away some of that pain, and then I was, then I was good enough, and I could talk and then I could dance better, and all that stuff. But I never really learned how to cope with those in a healthy way. So a lot of people fail in sobriety because they fail to work through these limiting beliefs. So this is a great, great topic. Because when I start with new clients, the first thing we do is we talk about our beliefs about ourselves, and like about our body, about our relationships, or family and sexual romantic relationships, our career, our finances, and our spiritual life, like those pretty much cover life, those areas right there. And let's find all of the limiting beliefs in all those areas, write them down, and then let's start chipping away at those. Because without, like, if we're just thinking about it with our other 80,000 harmful thoughts every day, that we're never going to find a solution. So we would need to like work through those. And when we write them down, I take my thoughts, which are running all over the place, my funky brain, and now I put them on paper. And now I have something to work on something tangible, that I can take action on and say, Wow, I I believe this. Well, that's a bunch of bullshit. Well, so I can get rid of that one quick. But this one, this goes deep. How can I work on, like debunking that harmful belief? Well, is it really true how let's look at areas in our life where that's actually bullshit. So I actually have a technical term, it's called bullshit stories we tell ourselves, it's, it's a clinical term, bullshit stories. So we look at those things and be like, I'm not good enough well, or are successful, or whatever it is, say, well, let's see, you've you've had this job, you're making six figures, you're fairly healthy, you have a relationship with your wife or your husband. So that we just proved that wrong. So there's ways to go about doing this and look at the things that we believe and then debunk those bullshit stories that we're telling ourselves,   Arlina Allen  34:36   get somebody to, is there a process for that? Like, like, you know, I, you know, I do a class and the way we sort of do it is what is it that you want, and why don't you have it and the Why don't you have it as the BS story that you're telling yourself? Do you have a process for that? Or is it more sort of like you talk it through how do you get how do you how people identify their story.   Unknown Speaker  35:04   Well, I mean, like, kinda like I just said, Well, these areas like that's a specific exercise, how I start with a lot of the reason, remember the drinking and the drugs and the food and the porn and the shopping and the Netflix, the scrolling, like all that talking   Arlina Allen  35:21   about Netflix, that's not a problem.   Unknown Speaker  35:26   I need my Netflix   Unknown Speaker  35:28   for me. Right.   Unknown Speaker  35:30   But those things like those aren't the problem. That's what I'm using to cope with the real problem, which is your actions? Yes. Those are distractions. Even the drinking now the drinking is twofold problem because, you know, that gets into those physical things. And, you know,   Arlina Allen  35:47   that's a physical addiction as opposed to a process addiction.   Unknown Speaker  35:50   Well, I mean, that it is an addiction, and but it is still just a distraction. At the end of the day. Yes, you know, and then we have to watch for cross addictions, like I quit drinking, but I'm going to smoke weed, or I'll quit smoking weed, but I'm going to eat a pizza every day. And I'm going to quit eating pizza belly to pound a chocolate every day, but but I'm going to get keeps smoke cigarettes are   Arlina Allen  36:13   all distraction,   Unknown Speaker  36:14   all distractions from feeling and from dealing with our limiting beliefs.   Arlina Allen  36:18   Whether Okay,   Unknown Speaker  36:19   yeah, so when we identify those, okay, write them down. Now we can work write them say, Alright, well, this has been going on my life for 30 years. So it's probably going to take a little bit of time. But let's, let's create some new healthy habits, some new ways of doing things that are going to help me become successful. And then we want to define some goals. So okay, let's say that, let's say, Alright, here's how I believe about my body. And this is how my health is. And but I want it to be like this. Now we have a goal. And this is how my finances are. But this is how I want my finances to be. Now we have a goal. So when we, we say, these are my beliefs about myself and all those areas. And then there's where I want to go, and then let's work on one at a time. Because not all of them. Because this is another reason people get overwhelmed. And then they do things like drink, because New Year's resolutions. Well, every new year, I'm going to write a book, lose 20 pounds, fix my relationship, make a million dollars and do all this stuff. And two weeks later, you're like, Oh, my God, I can't handle this. So I start drinking again and eat chocolate and and the next New Year's, it's the same five new year's resolution   Unknown Speaker  37:31   vicious.   Unknown Speaker  37:32   So what we need to do is focus on one goal, the one that's going to change your life the most probably the one that you've been putting off for 10 years, right. And then let's create specific steps to get that goal done at a high level. And then you don't need to drink. Like you start feeling building confidence. And you start feeling good about yourself. And you walk out into the row with your chin up and look in the world in the eye. And that's when we want to do and there's no space then for drinking or getting stoned or whatever your harmful behavior is.   Arlina Allen  38:01   Right now. That's beautiful. I love that. Um, talk to me a little bit, how would you help somebody who has problems? quitting drinking? Because their partner still drinks? How do you address that? That's a tough one. Right? Well, yeah, I   Unknown Speaker  38:19   mean, that that has layers. So it depends. Is the other person an alcoholic? Are they just drinking socially and don't want to quit? Do you have the hard talk with them? Maybe they will stop with you, you know. So? I mean, there's a lot of different ways to approach it, is it? Is it causing you to have cravings and causing you to relapse, then, then maybe we need to talk about boundaries. Maybe we say if you can't stop drinking, then I'm gonna have to leave for a little while or indefinite or whatever. Because you have to take care of you remember, self love, self care, self respect, and having people around that are going to continue to cause me to cause damage to my own health and well being. That's not self love. That's not self care and self respect. So, you know, these are the hard things to do. And this is why it's important to have somebody in your life because it's not easy to say to your husband or wife. If you can't stop drinking, I am going to leave. So you have to leave, or you have to leave Yeah, something like that. Because that those are the hard talks, but it's a paradise. The most successful relationships in the world are two independent people, not codependent people who have the hard talks and do the hard things. And they get through those things.   Arlina Allen  39:38   Yeah, no, that's really good. Is it there it is. It is multifaceted and every it seems like every situation is different. And that is why it's important to have like an objective third party to help process through all these there's so many questions, right but you I feel like hit the nail on the head by saying that You know, the self care and the self love has to come first. And what you're really talking about is priorities. Like, if you're when you're quitting drinking, sobriety has to be your number one priority before your kids before your husband before your job, which, you know, strikes at the heart of fear of some people, because their financial security, you know, emotional security, personal security, you know, is tied to relationships and jobs and things like that, but, but if you are really struggling with alcohol, then it is gonna cost you everything that it is that you say is important to you.   Unknown Speaker  40:44   Yeah, you know, that self love, self care and self respect people. There's a another misconception. And that is, if I'm doing those things, I'm being selfish. And there's a difference between being selfish and taking care of yourself. And it's kind of like, you know, this is a, maybe you people have heard this before, but it's like, you know, when the oxygen comes down in the airplane, I need to put it over my face my nose first, because if I'm not breathing, I can't help anybody else. So it's the same thing with everything, I need to take care of me if my health is failing, because I can't stop drinking, that I need to start taking care of my health. And if somebody is in the way of that, then we have to stop the amount of time or reduce the amount of time that I spend with them. Because I need to take care of me.   Unknown Speaker  41:31   Yeah,   Unknown Speaker  41:32   yeah. And that gets lost that well. And that's something we have to build in sobriety is, we have to take some of the shame and the guilt away, which is why we talk about those things. And, and be become humble. And but take care of yourself.   Unknown Speaker  41:47   And yeah, that means   Unknown Speaker  41:49   diet, exercise, meditation, reading, things that are going to be productive. You know, when I was drinking, I didn't do any of those things. There wasn't any space for that. So I need to add healthy habits into my life that are gonna distract me from the distraction of drinking.   Arlina Allen  42:07   You said something that really caught my attention, take away guilt and shame. Because I feel like the guilt and shame is what prevents us from the self love and making ourselves a priority. And we tie so much guilt and shame to alcoholism or addiction. Because we do shitty things when we're drunk or higher. In our loss and our addiction. When we're lost in our addiction, we behaved badly. And we ended so we have evidence that says I'm a shitty person. So maybe that's a negative limiting belief, right? That this guilt and shame is your identity. Right? And it's important to separate Don't you find that it's important to separate that? guilt and shame? How do you help people take that away?   Unknown Speaker  43:00   Well, yeah, all the all of the the regret. or worrying about what I've done in the past, all the guilt and the shame can change one moment of the past. So we really need to learn to let that fee in the past, and now and we need to forgive ourselves. And you know, in the 12 step program, it's the fourth step. It's about like going in and finding your, your, you know, where your resentments where your fears are all those things, and then moving all through the work and you get up to where you go make amends to people and then putting the past in the past. That's the idea of all that. Yeah,   Unknown Speaker  43:42   that's a great process.   Unknown Speaker  43:44   It's an incredible process. Yes. And then I we go even further, it's like continuing the growth, but it's important. And an important amends to make apology to me, whatever you want to call it is to yourself, there needs to we need to forgive ourselves. And one of the one of the processes I do is I have a four step forgiveness process where we work through and the first part is, is getting all the anger out, because you can't be angry, resentful, and love at the same time. Right? So we need anger out. And this comes in the form of letters. So I write letters to my parents, my ex my friends have screwed me over the president, all these people like that we hate and we're mad at. So we write letters, saying, you know, I hate you, I can't believe you did this. Fuck you, you screwed my life up, blah, blah, blah. We got to get all that anger out. And that process could take. I have one woman who I work with she was raped twice. And, you know, going through a forgiveness process. There's a lot of anger in there from 30 years ago. So we we worked on this for months of getting anger out. And then on to the next letter where You know what, I forgive you, I know that you were just doing the best you can. And, you know, I hope that that we're both able to move on. And I wish you well.   Arlina Allen  45:11   The second letter is a letter of compassion.   Unknown Speaker  45:14   Yes. Yeah. A letter of love, forgiveness, compassion. Now, while you're doing that letter, you're like, I forgive you. But fuck you. I still can't believe each other. But that means all the anger is down now. So we need to go back to the beginning and continue to get the anger out.   Arlina Allen  45:30   Are they reading these letters to you?   Unknown Speaker  45:33   Oh, yes. To me.   Unknown Speaker  45:35   I'm sorry for anybody. All   Arlina Allen  45:36   right, no, I get that. Okay. So what you're talking about is validating, in my mind, like people just can't move on until their feelings are acknowledged and validated.   Unknown Speaker  45:51   Mm hmm.   Arlina Allen  45:52   Yeah. And then, yeah, and that's what you're describing is. You hold space for them to you hear God's sometimes people just want to be heard. Right? Like, nobody's listening. like everyone's talking. nobody's listening. So you hold this safe space of listening. And you hear and see and feel with your heart. Yes, that sucked. I agree with you. I hear you. That must have been horrible, right? And there's almost something de escalates. Something, just that validation. In my mind. People cannot move on until they're seen, heard and validated. And then they can move to compassion and forgiveness, like,   Unknown Speaker  46:41   yeah, yeah. And it takes time, remember, a lot of stuff, you know, we're deal a lot of this stuff we deal with, is unresolved emotion, it's unresolved things from the past, whatever it was, and these things can be decades old. And it's gonna take longer than a week or a month to, to undo these, these beliefs, behaviors, habits, ways of living that have been keeping us sick. It's gonna take a while to undo that. And take us but you know, the painful process helps us have sustained growth. Right? Like, that's   Unknown Speaker  47:19   what I said.   Arlina Allen  47:19   Sorry to interrupt you, but if I don't say it now I'm gonna forget. Cuz I'm old. No, it does take time to undo because and this is sort of an interesting point. Have you ever heard that? That saying that time heals all wounds? Such a lie?   Unknown Speaker  47:37   And time to action?   Arlina Allen  47:40   Ah, yeah, time with action heals wounds. I love that. Thank you. Sorry to interrupt. No, no   Unknown Speaker  47:46   calm.   Arlina Allen  47:49   What were you saying? I forgot.   Unknown Speaker  47:54   Sorry.   Arlina Allen  47:56   Okay, okay. So, get the anger out through the letters, it takes time with action.   Unknown Speaker  48:02   Yeah. And then at the end, ultimately, we want to forgive ourselves, forgive ourselves to get to the place where you know, I love I love you. I love you. Arlina I love you, Dennis. I love you, me, I love me. And, you know, we all make mistakes. And ultimately, that's where we want to get. And, you know, it takes a little time to get there. And sometimes it doesn't it sometimes some something silly, you know, like rape is a horrible, like one of the worst things that could ever happen in your life. So that one tastes a little more work. Sometimes it's smaller things. But you know, we just have to be willing to do the work. And once we start doing the work, then change happens. But if we continue to stay in our 80,000, stagnant thoughts from yesterday that are keeping us stuck? Not going to grow out of it? Well,   Arlina Allen  48:48   there's, you know, the shadow side of all this is like we do it because it serves us in some way. Right. Thank you. Does we think it does. Yeah, we think it does. And I feel like that's like subconscious minds job is to sort of keep you in this little comfort zone. Because that's, you know, we develop like the default mode network, this this way of thinking this operating system and then your subconscious mind to conserve energy will try to keep you there. Right? Let it doesn't ultimately serve you because it's like, you have all this pain that you're not dealing with, and that's what's causing you to drink or behave in a destructive way. So I love this forgiveness process. And, and so, gosh, I I could talk to you all day, but I realized I want to be sensitive to your time. Okay, so   Unknown Speaker  49:38   I'm all yours.   Arlina Allen  49:40   Oh, you're so sweet. Okay, so the fruit, okay, so we ultimately forgive ourselves. And so my belief is that we cannot escape the same measuring stick that we judge others by. So if we're going to write that one down, that's right. So the VI The reason To forgive, in my mind, is that Have you ever heard that idea that anger is like our resentments? Like, like, anger damages the vessel that carries it right? It's like acid like that anger just poisons us. Right. But we hold on to this resentment because we're holding these other people to this standard. That may or may not be. Well, I don't know. It's like not serving anybody really. But   Unknown Speaker  50:31   well know that. You know, that resentment holding up the anger. You know what that is? What? That's another distraction.   Unknown Speaker  50:39   Oh, yeah, that's   Unknown Speaker  50:41   exactly what that is. So having, drinking, getting stone, the I won't say Netflix anymore. But scrolling, the eating chick fil a at three in the afternoon, and holding resentments. Those are all distractions, feeling and growing. That's what they are. It's the same thing.   Arlina Allen  51:00   You are healing the world today.   Unknown Speaker  51:04   That's the truth. I mean, this is huge thinking. going deep. And most people aren't even willing to go this deep because it's painful. It's part of   Arlina Allen  51:13   growing pains, though, right. And the thing is, is life is painful anyway, so you're going to experience pain, so me as well be intentional about it and process the pain to resolution rather than continue our distracting behaviors.   Unknown Speaker  51:32   Master role,   Arlina Allen  51:33   and you are? Well, thank you. And you are such a great facilitator for people. How How do people find you and work with you? If if you do indeed have your calendar is full. But if you could squeeze one or two people in how would somebody go about reaching out to you,   Unknown Speaker  51:57   there's always room to help people. So it's Dennis berry.com. And you can schedule a free session on there. And we'll have a chat. And if you like it, we'll try some more. And if not, I understand. And from there, you can buy my book, and you can get to my podcast and the Life Mastery school you were talking about is I'm creating a series of free videos. And the current one that's up there now is addiction recovery. And there's like 15 or 20 videos there. And then   Arlina Allen  52:25   I'm 10 or 20.   Unknown Speaker  52:26   Yeah, so they're all free to watch. And then there's different topics within there. And I did love and relationships. There's about 10 or 15. There. I'm working on mindfulness and meditation, which we were just talking about, and health and wellness. So it's just it's Life Mastery school by Dennis Berry. And you just come in, you can watch all the classes you want for free.   Arlina Allen  52:48   Life Mastery school by Dennis berry.com. No, it's on my website. Everything's on Dennisberry.com   Unknown Speaker  52:56   Yeah, everything's right there, Life Mastery school mastery on Dennisberry.com. website. Hopefully that wasn't confusing. Just go to Dennis Berry, just   Arlina Allen  53:05   just go to Dennis berry calm. I'll leave a link. If you're driving while listening to this. I will leave a link per usual. in the show notes. I will also include and the forgiveness process that was intense. Thank you so much for sharing that.   Unknown Speaker  53:20   Yeah. And if anybody reaches out via this, then I'll just send him a free copy a PDF copy of my book.   Arlina Allen  53:27   Oh, nice. What's the name of your book?   Unknown Speaker  53:29   funky wisdom A Practical Guide to Life.   Arlina Allen  53:31   Love that. So good. Um, okay. Yeah. So I will leave links to the books. I'll have the quotes in there. There was a lot of quotes, actually, you see a great quotes. And I'll leave a link to your website, podcast and Bach. Yay,   Unknown Speaker  53:54   has a lot of stuff. You're the best. I love you.   Unknown Speaker  53:56   I love you.   Arlina Allen  53:57   You're my brother from another mother, for sure. Thank you so much for all the work that you do. I know that you your whole purpose. Like you're living your purpose, as am I now? Yeah. It feels really good to be of service and turn that in service, I would say that service is probably one of the fastest way to improve your self esteem if, if you're struggling with guilt and shame, start getting into service because that will help mitigate that as well.   Unknown Speaker  54:26   So powerful. So, so, so true. You know, I said all the time, but you know, are you worried or stressed out or resentful or angry or whatever your feeling is? Did you help anybody today? Yeah. And it's sometimes it could be a big thing. And sometimes it could be just holding the door open for somebody but just stop doing it with?   Arlina Allen  54:47   Yes. with intention. I love that. Well, Dennis, thank you so much for being so awesome. All the time. Thank   Unknown Speaker  54:55   you.   Arlina Allen  54:58   Good luck with your move to Mexico. I look forward to seeing all the pictures on all your socials. I'll leave links to that. Thank you so much for your time today.   Unknown Speaker  55:09   Thank you. I mean, I appreciate you.   Arlina Allen  55:11   I appreciate you too. We'll talk again soon.

    Wordpress site permalink: http://odaatchat.com/index.php/2021/04/14/lovesober/   Bit.ly:  https://bit.ly/3mPxYXS   YouTube Link: https://youtu.be/1trx31ywwSY   Guest Links:      https://amzn.to/3wWOdas   http://www.LoveSober.com    Book recommendation: The Sober Revolution: Calling Time on Wine O'Clock by Lucy Rocca and Sarah Turner   Favorite Quote: I haven’t come this far to only come this far. What I wish I knew: How important connection is.   Title: OC151 Kate Bailey - Love Yourself Sober: A Self Care Guide to Alcohol-Free Living for Busy Mothers    Social Media Post: So. Much. Fun! Kate and I talked about all kinds of things. Being highly sensitive, early intervention, and the science of happiness. Click here to listen: https://bit.ly/3mPxYXS     Show Notes:    Transcribed Episode of Love Yourself Sober - Episode 151 with Kate Bailey & Arlina Allen   Arlina Allen  0:08   I'm super excited to talk to you. I, I know Mandy Mathers. She actually had me on your podcast, as you know. She and I were in the same coaching class. So that was super fun. That's how we met and I'm so excited to get to meet you and talk to you about your book.   Kate Bailey  0:27   Yeah, cuz It's not long been out in the States. I think it was just about a month.   Arlina Allen  0:34   Yeah, that is so exciting. Listen, I have so many questions for you about the book. It's called "Love yourself sober, A self care guide to alcohol free living for busy mothers". And, you know, busy moms. Super cute cover   Unknown Speaker  0:59   who designed the cover?   Unknown Speaker  1:01   You know, I don't know someone in the publishing house. But I love it. It's Yeah, it's great   Unknown Speaker  1:08   Yeah. I'm matching   Unknown Speaker  1:13   If you're not watching this on YouTube. Yes. Mandy is matching her book. Right. So cute. Was that deliberate?   Kate Bailey  1:20   It's Kate. Do you know as we keep doing this, It's like we've become the same person. And if sometimes we're talking to someone both of us on the pod. And someone will say how are you to me? I'll just go on. We're fine.   Unknown Speaker  1:40   Oh no, I'm so sorry! We we need to ship your names like you know, like "Brangelina". Like Manate. Wait no, that doesn't sound right. hahaha.   Unknown Speaker  2:12   Oh my gosh. Okay. Yes. So this is such an important book. Because, you know, it's so funny. Not funny, but peculiar is that people when they are struggling with recovery, they hate themselves, right? And it's like, you can't hate yourself well. It's like trying to run a marathon with a broken leg. And so the reason your book is so brilliant, love yourself sober. It's like, that's how it has to be done. You know? And I don't know about you. Like, when I first got sober, I would go to these rooms. And people would say things like, oh, we're gonna love you until you can love yourself. And I was like, wow, somebody's got to because that ain't me.   Unknown Speaker  2:50   It's so true, isn't it? And it was definitely that piece. It was the sort of the self care the self love. It definitely started almost outside in for me that journey. Yeah. Because I didn't have the internal resources. So when I discovered self care, and so retreats, and filling my toolkit, that's when I started to build my capacity. So it's definitely an outside in journey and that and that's what changed my recovery and my sobriety for me. 100%. Yeah,   Unknown Speaker  3:26   Right! You know, there's I have just found that there's just a million ways to do it. And I i bristle at people who are like, oh, all you have to do is this. And that's all you have to do.    Unknown Speaker  3:41   So I like to start with a fun little game. I'm calling the lightning round. And I'll just ask you a few questions. And it doesn't have to be fast answers you can answer as quickly or as slowly. But your book is obviously going to be an amazing resource. But when you first got sober, what books were really helpful to you? Hmm.   Unknown Speaker  4:06   Well, I got sober with sober sisters, which is an online forum, which launched about eight years ago. So before that, there was nothing that I could access that that appealed to me at all. And so Lucy Rocco, who founded sober Easter's wrote a book called The sober revolution. And it was the first book that I'd ever read that referred to the kind of relationship with our culture rather than it like you said being a prescribed way or received messages and when we've moved on, on a long way in the in the UK in the conversation, and this really she likened it to a disc, you know, a bad boyfriend, a destructive relationship. And that was hugely that just spoke to me. I was like, Oh, yeah, that's that's me. And the other one I really liked at the time was Jason vales. How to quit. Drinking, how to kick drinking easily. I think it was calling bs on the kind of social piece and the brainwashing around it. That was super helpful to me. It was unpicking all the messaging really helped me.   Unknown Speaker  5:14   Yeah, that's great. I was talking to Claire Pooley. and she said the same thing. She's she also mentioned Jason vales book and I was like, so did you stop drinking easily after that?   Unknown Speaker  5:23    Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I, I read those ice quit for a year. straight off. Once I found so baristas and read those two books. I was like, that's it. And I did go back after a year, which is another part of the story, which then where the self care piece came in and all the other stuff. So that Yeah, okay. Yes, definitely part of toolkit. Yeah, I   Unknown Speaker  5:51   have lots of questions about relapse stuff. I mean, I feel like everybody who's tried to quit has struggled with the stopping part, obviously. So, we'll talk a little bit about that. Do you have a go to mantra or quote that you find yourself coming back to?   Unknown Speaker  6:08   I do. I love one, the one that really got me out of some hot water, and I find myself repeating it a quite a lot. Not so much to myself. But when, with with clients may be who are struggling and we tell when we are generating mantras. And it was, I haven't come this far to only come this far. Because I was like, Yeah, right. Yeah. in all senses. Yeah. Like, what's the what's the next bit look like? What is the next bit gonna look like? Oh, shoot. Yeah,   Unknown Speaker  6:42   like come this far to only come this far?   Unknown Speaker  6:45   Yeah. That's fighting talk.   Unknown Speaker  6:50   Words. That's awesome. Okay, and do you have a regular self care routine? Like, do you have like a morning routine? Or do you think of it more in terms of like, a weekly, or weekly schedule?   Unknown Speaker  7:03   Do you know what this is a really good question. And it's something that has really evolved for me. And one of the reasons why I realized I have a really elaborate self care practice, on one of the reasons is because of my dysregulation, because of what I believe is now neuro some neuro diversity. So some sensory processing anxiety, I identify as a highly sensitive person. So I need a lot of external resourcing in terms of routine boundaries, not taking on too much. checking my diary and then taking a third off, do your calendar and then take a take that off that is my that is my aim. I don't always manage it. But that is my intention, because I always overestimate what I can do and then get stressed out. I know if I take a third off, I'm getting in the right area. Yet, so I do a lot of yoga. I love yoga, but we've been in lockdown in the UK. So I'm doing online yoga classes, but usually go to a yoga studio, where I also work. I'm not a yoga teacher, but I help out that's my contribution to the community. What else? And I mean, just I know what what is also my routine is Netflix.   Unknown Speaker  8:34   Is that your downtime?   Unknown Speaker  8:36   That honestly it is literally like if I watch an episode of whatever it is I'm into, because you know, I get quite I get a bit annoyed and a bit bored when everything has to be Like who? Because I do love yoga. Right? And I do you meditate. But I don't I hate it when things get too wordy, because as modern busy women, we still need quick fixes and modern things like so if I'm rewatching Don't tell anyone I'm rewatching Downton Abbey at the moment. I just finished down to a sec. Oh, I love it. Oh my gosh. So   Unknown Speaker  9:14   good.   Unknown Speaker  9:17   luck if I watch an episode of Downton Abbey, I literally switch off. I'm not I'm not thinking about me. I'm not thinking about the kids. You know, it really is. So So yeah. So better Netflix. What else?   Unknown Speaker  9:31   Have you been to Downton? Abbey?   Unknown Speaker  9:33   No, it's a bit. It's up north. It's up north. In the UK.   Unknown Speaker  9:38   It's South here as well.   Unknown Speaker  9:41   No in terms of what you're used to. It's like probably only about four hours drive. But for us it's like, like, possibly it's like a different universe. But I will do I really want to so when things open up again in the UK. I have to exist. beautifies Yes.   Unknown Speaker  10:00   Please do take pictures for me. Yeah. Check it out early. No, I made it. I'm okay. Yes. So the self care It sounds like you have lots of self care in terms of are you Where are you with the higher power situation?   Unknown Speaker  10:16   Well, AI is complicated.   Unknown Speaker  10:20   How How long have you got like your face?   Unknown Speaker  10:25   So I had a religious trauma as a child. Okay, God, we got loads in common right without you   Unknown Speaker  10:35   have you know, religious, you know, first chicken? Have you heard of the term super churched?   Unknown Speaker  10:41   No.   Unknown Speaker  10:44   Seek church.   Unknown Speaker  10:45   I was super churched. I interviewed this lady who was the pastor's daughter, girl, those poor girls, they go one of two ways, either either super good, or they're like me. Yeah. And so anyway, it sounds like you were super churched to some extent. Yeah.   Unknown Speaker  11:03   Yeah. I know, interestingly, but it was my parents weren't but there was that's a whole other story. But my aunt was a born again, Christian. And I got really into into that for various various reasons. Sure, but it became really dark for me. So I managed to sort of remove myself from all of that through education. And when I did my a levels, so went to college, and started studying philosophy and comparative religion. I was able to unpick it I unpicked it intellectually, but there was still a lot of that fear. And that, yeah, that that trauma, so I couldn't go anywhere near so I, you know, you know, we tried to go to traditional AIA stuff, like the first time I think when I was about 27. And I understand now that that was very, that was like, re traumatizing me. Yeah. So there was nothing This is why I mentioned sober Easter's because it was like, what's the first thing I could that I could access? Right? Because like, they were not safe space to me, but I had no idea. I had no idea that that's what was going on until fairly recently, actually, when I started looking at what trauma is. So I'm not great with but having said that, I my mic. So we had to lovely when we as a friend of ours, a dear SOPA sister called Rachel Welford, who's who right who has he she does meditation and stuff and Gong laughs and she said she caught me spiritually slutty because I basically love anything to do with ritual religions. But in a kind of I'm very interested and I like to play with them. So it's so it's a funny one it's a yes or no, it's like I'm not I'm not in I suppose a traditional higher power person, but I just think we're connected to something the universe and something much, much greater just because for the size of it. It's like something bigger, bigger, so I don't feel complicated about it. Yes, it's on my terms. That's That's for me.   Unknown Speaker  13:20   Well, I mean, it means needs to make sense, right? Yeah. Like that was always the thing for me is like it needs to make sense. Yes, there's a lot of things in an organized religion that don't really make sense. Have you ever heard of Carolyn Miss? She was on Oprah. Do you ever watch those super soul Sunday episodes?   Unknown Speaker  13:41   No,you know what happened? We’re really busy watching Downton Abbey. Or and the walking dead?     Unknown Speaker  13:52   Oh, yeah. Did you get into Game of Thrones?   Unknown Speaker  13:54   Oh my god, I love it. Literally I didn't know what I was gonna do when Game of Thrones ended because I loved it too much.   Unknown Speaker  14:02   Yeah, I always there are some books and some and some movies and TV series that when they end I'm just devastated.    Unknown Speaker  14:13   Yes.   Unknown Speaker  14:14   not totally religiously slutty but that is hilarious. But I was going to tell you about Oprah and the conversation she had with Carolyn Miss because Carolyn Miss gave one of the best exam or explanations that really resonated with me. She said that God is law. Meaning like gravity law of attraction cause and effect. I'm a little nerdy with like quantum physics, like the theory of entanglement. And there are some actually there's some great Netflix series on entanglement. If you're ever interested. I think you know what that Yeah. And it's it's framed under the title of something about quantum physics, which sounds super nerdy but it It explains a lot of things very practical things like have you ever, like thought about something that somebody random or is and then they call you or you get an email or something? And you're like, Whoa, I was just thinking about you. Yeah, that kind of explains it through the theory, I think, yeah, you'll like it.    Yeah, I could tell you're a science girl, because we're going to talk about the autonomic system and some other things. neuroscience, love me some science because it's like, you don't have to have faith. We have evidence.   Unknown Speaker  15:28   Right. Yeah. So anyway, yeah, we do. And that experience. Yeah, it's a funny subject. I mean, I just, I think experientially I, even though it was difficult for me as a teenager, I used so what I used to do is go to my room, and I used to pray and so meditate for two hours on my own. And I used to get so high. I always said that when I, I, you know, experimented with drugs, like this late teens and early 20s. And I was bit like, I'm not really gonna bother with them, because I just used to get they didn't get me as high as meditation used to. And I'm prayer, um, you know, to heighten a battle, but I mean, that's the kind of saving grace right, I suppose. I mean, I definitely took to alcohol. That was my drug of choice. I was your drug of choice. Okay.   Unknown Speaker  16:30   We'll have to we'll have to get into that. I think I only have a couple more things. What's one thing you wish you knew when you first got sober? Like, is there anything that sticks out is like Gosh, would have been nice to know.   Unknown Speaker  16:47   Yeah, I wish I'd known all the kind of the holistic this the self care toolkit,   Unknown Speaker  16:53   or sick self care. That's good. Yeah, money, but body, mind and spirit, right? We need to take care of all of them. And then what do you do for fun? We talked about chickens a little earlier. We had chickens. I love   Unknown Speaker  17:06   my chickens so much, because we've just got to say you have chickens, but you haven't got   Unknown Speaker  17:13   them with you. You don't have them anymore. Yeah, we moved. I couldn't bring them but they're beautiful. What can I so talk about what kinds do you have? Because there's so many varieties most people don't know.   Unknown Speaker  17:25   Yeah. So I have a Dutch barn founder. Who is we've called for lion and Galena.   Unknown Speaker  17:36   We have   Unknown Speaker  17:36   here No, this is down to my daughter's buff Orpington. They've got to buff orpingtons. They've got the big fluffy bottoms and fluffy legs. They're hilarious. They're hilarious,   Unknown Speaker  17:47   especially when I run.   Unknown Speaker  17:48   Yeah. But like they've got like, they're like they're on wheels or something. That's amazing. So my daughter's one is blonde. And she's called Lady ieder. And you know that lady down snap a   Unknown Speaker  18:02   man. That girl was never gonna get her day.   Unknown Speaker  18:08   So true. I can't remember that. Because I've watched it before. And I watched it when I was sober. And it's getting to that interesting part with her wish. Where that that end is gone. Yes. And I and I genuinely can't remember what happens to us.   Unknown Speaker  18:26   Before   Unknown Speaker  18:27   I was spoiler free, I know that's, that's the benefit of getting a little older as you forget.   Unknown Speaker  18:33   Oh, that's right. That's amazing.   Unknown Speaker  18:35   surprised and happy all over again. Oh, no, I had a Polish chicken that had one of those big fluffy hats. Yeah, they called her Lady Gaga. Amazing.   Unknown Speaker  18:49   So yeah, like,   Unknown Speaker  18:50   well, that is a lot of fun. The chickens are fun. It sounds like your kids like them, too. Yeah.   Unknown Speaker  18:55   So we do that. And I also when things are open, I do musical theater. So I do sing. That's how I met my husband. We were in a band together, years and years ago. And now I don't because that was all very like, I thought I was really cool. And we had this band and we've gigs and we all like proper musicians. And then I discovered the love of absolutely ridiculous frivolous musical theater. And I've got a local group that I do. So.   Unknown Speaker  19:26   Oh my gosh, do you have anything recorded? Because if you do, you must send me some links.   Unknown Speaker  19:31   Do I don't think we do. So I love it.   Unknown Speaker  19:34   Yeah, my son in high school   Unknown Speaker  19:37   was obsessed with the   Unknown Speaker  19:39   he's it like the stage he did like sound and stage prop he like he built things and oh my gosh, it was such a fun world to be in.   Unknown Speaker  19:48   I had no idea right? And it's lovely doing the amateur stuff because as somebody told me and I love this because amateur gets this. Like you know, I don't know what it's like in this But if you say, oh, you're just an amateur, it's all   Unknown Speaker  20:03   No pressure.   Unknown Speaker  20:04   Yeah, you want exactly the love of the amateur. But you know, it's almost like code for a bit shit. Right? Which suddenly, yeah, maybe maybe. But somebody said, one of our directors said, It amateur comes from the French for for the love of, because it comes from the word or more, which is we do it for the love of,   Unknown Speaker  20:29   for the love of her. That's Brian, I love that. Got to have some fun. All right, that I and I think you've probably experienced that too is when people first gets over there, like bored out of their minds. You know, their whole dopamine reward system is is skewed,   Unknown Speaker  20:46   shall we say? Yeah, yeah. And that's why you need that. Yeah, you need the holistic thing. You need the happy hitch, you need the sober treats, you need the silly things. You told   Unknown Speaker  20:56   me sources, right, lots of resources. Well, I want to talk about resources and the book, obviously. But um, maybe we could talk a little bit about your story. Do you want to just take a few minutes to walk us through the things that people that are they tell me that they love to hear? As you know, it sounds like you started drinking and doing drugs? kanyang. And, but what people really want to know is like, what made you finally decide to quit? You know, I have a I have some coaching clients that are like the spouse of the alcoholic, and, you know, they just need a little hope that it's possible that maybe their spouse is gonna quit. So yeah, anyway, but you want to just start with like, I'm always curious about like, family of origin as well.   Unknown Speaker  21:46   Hmm. Well, again, I think I've pieced a lot of this together over the last few years in terms of self study and recovery, and knowing Mandy and talking to her most days, and she is a great mental health advocate. So I've learned a lot about my own mental health journey as part of this, which I wasn't really aware of. Okay, so I was very anxious. I had, you know, various aces growing up. And my father, I'd say, identified as traditionally what I what I always identified an alcoholic, as Okay, I'm sort of, you know, yeah, pretty much wheels off the wagon kind of kind of stuff.   Unknown Speaker  22:35   Was he violent, or just absent or just absent?   Unknown Speaker  22:38   Yeah, just stops him. And I feel sorry for him now, because he was a sailor. And in those days, you didn't get any leave to see your family, you're away on the boats on ships for months on end. And they partly they used to get paid in tops of rum. They literally were enabling a whole, these poor young men who were away from their families in really cramped conditions, giving them alcohol, so and no mental health support, and no awareness of neurodiversity. At that point, any kind of autistic spectrum ADHD, highly sensitive, nothing. So, you know, it's, it's, I'm understanding that through a more compassionate lens, I think, you know. So yeah, I didn't really know him. And then I saw, I was very anxious. And like I said, I sort of took to the kind of religion as my first drug of choice, I would say, to try and self soothe in a very anxious mind. And then again, later on, I've sort of identified as highly sensitive. And through parenting, my son, who is now we realize has ADHD and is on the tourism spectrum. Obviously, that allowed a mirror into me and in my family and that sort of genetic piece, and realized that this runs through generation. And so there was, I really feel like that's a massive piece, like we said, in the kind of in the recovery conversation and alcohol use disorder, addictive behaviors, pieces, is that neuro diversity, I'm sure talk about that bit later. But for me, I don't know if you heard that the kind of phrase the sort of gray area drinking.   Unknown Speaker  24:29   Oh, yeah,   Unknown Speaker  24:30   yeah. Okay. So, I mean, that very much like me, in that. It looked pretty normal on the surface. Nothing, there were no particular issues. My husband was worried. No, none of my friends my friends just thought I was paranoid. Just thought I was absolutely batshit crazy that I was even worrying about it because everyone was getting pissed at the weekends. So there was this kind of normative drinking culture in Britain, where, if you are in that, that sort of on the alcohol use disorder spectrum slap earlier on and hazardous and harmful but not dependent, which is where I was   Unknown Speaker  25:15   harmful or harmful, but not dependent.   Unknown Speaker  25:17   Yeah. harmful and hazardous, but not dependent. So earlier on in the on the alcohol use disorder spectrum, right? Yeah, what you basically get mirrored back with, when you Eve, if you go to your doctor, or if you go to a counselor, or if you go to your friends, people will generally tell you, you haven't got problem because you're doing what's normative, right? They don't know, or maybe you don't know, underneath that. It feels like a crisis. It feels devastating to you, it feels hard work, like you're thinking you're planning and trying not to do it. You're regretting waking up at three in the morning with anxiety, but maybe only drinking twice a week. So that that was kind of where I was, it was like this awful, toxic relationship with it. And yeah, the bad boyfriend, but nothing that anyone outside could particularly put their finger on. But I had this just feeling of landslide. You know, I was like, what I'm also getting married to me is so the normative drinking culture or the alternative, which is like AA, or some of the traditional recovery, which tells telling me I have to reach a rock bottom telling me I'm I'm powerless. And I'm like, Well, no, that doesn't fit either. But if there is no early intervention, if there was no entry points to recovery earlier, then I might end up down there. But why don't want to wait for that. I don't want to wait. So there's a lot of fear, there was a lot of confusion. And there was a lot of what looked like normal and there was a lot of beating myself up. And I'd say that was going on from my late 20s through my early 30s through to my mid 30s. And I sort of managed my mental health by a mixture kind of hot yoga, I was always working out. I had enough I had enough resources that alcohol was one of them. And when I became a mom, we moved to a new town. And I moved away from all my friends. My husband was working in London as a journalist, I'd stopped working in London as a journalist. So I was literally at home stuck on my own, not knowing anyone. bored, lonely, tired, angry, I wasn't hungry. I had all the other frickin triggers. And it literally was like now I understand that that's why our call I think dance center stage at that point, because there was there were no other resources for me. I couldn't get to meetings because I didn't have the childcare like there is no support in the UK for you. Unless you are totally up shake Creek. Right. Wow. So it's changed a lot. But I think that's why the rise of the cyber forums in the UK has gone stratospheric there are so many it's because necessity is so often the mother of invention. And it's like and it's no and it's also no mistake, I don't think or no coincidence that many of them are women LED. It's like women are really leading the kind of new alternative patchworks to recovery. Right. Right. So, so that was it. So I found so barristers you know, I tried to stop every week. I was like, I'm never drinking again. Every Sunday morning. I was like,   Unknown Speaker  28:44   are you just waking up with headaches? And yeah, like hung over and feeling bad about like, maybe not paying attention to the kids and that kind of thing?   Unknown Speaker  28:53   Yeah, exactly. So it was very much that Yeah, and very Yeah, just feeling really guilty. About Yeah, just all of it. I always say that there was before that there was this kind of dichotomy between there was this healthy Kate you know, healthy Kate who wanted to go for our goals and kind of really wanted to? I've always, you know, wanted that kind of health happiness high quite high. vibing Yeah. And then there was this kind of you know, that this kind of destructive thing with the Hedden ism the coping with the anxiety with drinking and then not being able to control that. And then so that there was this there were these two bits to me and I would go between the two. And I think what motherhood did was just open that chasm even more It was like, none of this is fitting with my values about how I want to be and how I like what if they need to go to hospital and my house spends at work. And I've had a couple of glasses of wine in the evening. I can't, I can't, but I didn't know how to chill out. I didn't know how to relax. I didn't know our back. And also we've got mummy wine culture in there, which is massive. Saying, of course, you need mommy juice, you know, seven o'clock. So it was very confusing. It was so confusing. So when I found so Brister, I was like someone's prep throw me a lifeline. That's it. I'm in and I was ready, willing and able, not feeling like I was able 100% but I was going to give it my darndest, you know? So   Unknown Speaker  30:40   that was the beginning. The beginning. How old were you when you started drinking?   Unknown Speaker  30:46   16 I think Yeah,   Unknown Speaker  30:47   just like a typical like, let's try this out kind of stuff.   Unknown Speaker  30:51   Yeah, cuz I was such a good girl. You know, I stopped and start smoking. And I did drain. I was so like, didn't do it until it was what actually it's 18 in the UK for alcohol, but you know, everyone does. When everyone's drinking. Everyone did when they were Yeah, yeah. Especially for my generation when you could fake all your ID and just no one asked.   Unknown Speaker  31:17   Nobody care. No, that's funny. Um, okay, so you get sober. And you go through the sober. He says, did you experience and you're married at this time, right?   Unknown Speaker  31:29   Yeah. So we got married. I've been with my husband like 25 years now.   Unknown Speaker  31:34   I think. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. My husband and I, you must have been he young when you met him?   Unknown Speaker  31:41   We were in our 20s. Yeah.   Unknown Speaker  31:43   Okay. I'm not gonna ask you how old you are. But my husband and I got together in our met when he was 24. And he seems like, like, my son is almost 20 mine. And I was like, Oh my God, he's a baby. So I can't believe we were so young. We got together can't believe that. Oh, yeah. My   Unknown Speaker  31:59   husband is 23 when I met him.   Unknown Speaker  32:02   Wow, we do a lot of parallels. That's so funny. So okay, so you get sober was he? How did he feel about you getting sober? Was he like, oh, what about hot sex? Like, is that guy?   Unknown Speaker  32:16   He was definitely that. And there was, but there was this, he was so bored of me saying this. He was just like, stop moaning. So what I decided to do is I decided not to tell him for about a month. I just did it. Because I wanted to say to him, I have this is serious this time, I haven't been doing it. And this is what it what I'm up to. Rather than say, I need your help to do this. I just was like, by the way I'm doing this. And, and I said I did tell him after about three weeks, I think because I was on my phone or my tablet all the time. So baristas. And I thought he might think I was having an affair. So I better tell him. Because I think because I was never on it before I like going back like nearly 10 years like social media wasn't what it is. Right? Now. Anyway, me. Yeah, you.   Unknown Speaker  33:19   Did he ask you or did you just share it? No, I   Unknown Speaker  33:22   just caught him looking at me kind of and I was like, Look, just by the way, this is what I'm doing. And I'm on this forum. It felt very risky, though. It really did. Like, I think one of the hardest things for that portion of drinkers, I'd say that, you know, one of the hard things is that there's a lot of fear for you and of the relationship changing. The fun going and the what are we going to do and we have to kind of re reinvent things, you know, yeah,   Unknown Speaker  33:57   you have to readjust a little bit,   Unknown Speaker  33:58   too, don't you?   Unknown Speaker  34:00   Yeah. And then my husband's over. But it's, I mean, that's the one thing I hear a lot it's like well what do you do if your husband still drinks You know, that's the main people like everybody has to adjust. So you're just thought it was okay.   Unknown Speaker  34:16   Yeah. And I think well i think what you realize as you go down the line is that that is symptomatic of how important alcohol has become in your own heads and your own life. Because once it isn't, it's like well we do loads of different things we go walking we walk the dog we go out for dinner we go on holiday we tour I mean we do we do loads of stuff. We don't do anything at the mangas we're in lockdown, but that's a whole lot and try and find space all of us just going to a different corners of basketball right now. I'm just going but yeah, but that is that's the fear and I think that really goes with time because you realize As alcohol diminishes, it's great. And it becomes less and less important. It's like, well, I can't even remember doing drinking with him now, which is   Unknown Speaker  35:09   bad. So he doesn't he doesn't drink that much.   Unknown Speaker  35:11   He know he drinks a bit. But yeah,   Unknown Speaker  35:14   it doesn't matter. You   Unknown Speaker  35:16   know, I didn't, I never did care, to be honest. Because I just, I was always like, this is mine, I don't want anyone else to be part of it. Because if they are, they will knock me off, I got it, it's mine, I'm gonna be in control of it. And like audit my little sober flame that I was just gonna go like that to protect it, yeah, protects it, and it's mine. Otherwise, if someone else gets to near it, they can blow it out. And I'm not gonna let them   Unknown Speaker  35:41   you know, right, right. You know, that's not taking full responsibility of your recovery. And I think that's amazing. So what were some of the things that you learned in the summary status?   Unknown Speaker  35:53   Early Well, can the connection, how important connection is. And again, I didn't realize that at the time, because all of my recovery that has happened since I then, you know, I said, I went back to drinking, because I hadn't got the toolkit, I hadn't got the tools for living. So all the bad old habits crept back in, but the main thing that I got, there was that connection, and that just literally rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat day in day out one day at a time, right? Just that, that that sort of some of the habit change muscle power behind me, I definitely had that. But I didn't have the tools about Nervous System regulation. I did not know anything about self compassion. I had, I went on to study the Science of Happiness. And that really changed my life and my entire outlook on what it is to be human. Because they look at all the keys of happiness, and what's right with us about our pro social natures. Gratitude, compassion, self compassion. Or, you know that that side, we were talking about higher power, and I and, you know, all for me has always been a big thing, looking at the night sky, forest walks, but actually starting to skillfully incorporate all of those things and work with them and develop them as in or as resources. I started to get better properly. Like, my mental health got better, I was able to take third off my   Unknown Speaker  37:34   list. Did you say Science of Happiness?   Unknown Speaker  37:38   Yeah, it's called the Science of Happiness. And it's basically an online course you can do at Harvard and Barclay, with the ED x platform. So it's a MOOC modular online course, over about 10 weeks, and it's an evolutionary theory and neuroscience around what it is to be mammalian pro social effect, the about the 16% of happiness that we can actually do something about. Yeah, it is just a fabulous, fabulous, fabulous course. And it was that that then I realized this a lot of people on forums talking about similar things, right. So it was at that point where I was like, You know what, I'm going to train as a coach, I don't see any courses that I like. So I'm going to do a grounding in life coaching like a two year Diploma in life coaching, then, I'm going to build a my own course, on my own package that incorporates positive psychology and the Science of Happiness is I think that's what we need. Oh, yeah. So So that was my journey. And in between all of that I sort of met Mandy and started our work together.   Unknown Speaker  38:53   Yeah, you guys are doing brilliant work, you have the you guys are cofounders of love, sober, calm, change your relationship with alcohol. I know you have courses and coaching and community with accountability. Brilliant, I just love it. I love what you guys are doing.   Unknown Speaker  39:09   It's just you know what, that whole one thing that that we feel really passionate about, sorry, I'm sort of like veering off in different directions. But that idea of community connection, collaboration, which I know that she recovers is so brilliant. But Mandy and I because we're both busy moms, we could not be doing any the work that we're doing, if we weren't collaborating. And also then we have certain people in the in our in our community that that help as well. And we just were a sort of a more collective and a community interest company, basically. Right. Um, so yeah, I yeah, so all of this kind of growth. I mean, I think one of the one of the The keys for me and I don't really know how to explain it other than this was like, a such a seminal moment for me. And it was the last time I drank was my last day one touch word. You know, don't take it for granted. But it was my last day. Last day one. And I had gone through the whole shallow shallow shallow shot, I'd stopped drinking five months and a half drink then I stopped again for a few months and, and I went up to London, it was my sister in law's 40th birthday. And, anyway, To cut a long story short, we did end up I did end up drinking. And I woke up in the morning. And I it was a beautiful, hot, sunny day, and I was paralyzed with fear. It was like, the darkness had come on me so badly. I could barely move for the shame. It was like I was, I was fucking broken. Like, and I don't know why, particularly that particular night. I don't know, my I was just done, right.   Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Summary: This podcast chat highlights an important area that many people in the recovery community struggle with and that is low self-esteem. Arlina shares her personal story of being sober for over 26 years and the discontent she always felt in early recovery as she quotes “trying to solve the wrong problems.” Arlina shares how she fell into the trap of thinking “if she only made more money” or “had a better body” that all her problems would go away. Little did she know she was suffering from low self esteem and after embarking on her personal journey to heal it did she find contentment in the areas of her life that were lacking the most; love, finances and health. Arlina found her life's work in the process of healing her own wounds which she shares in depth with the listeners to help them heal from the unconscious beliefs, shame and guilt that may be holding them back from living their best life. This episode gets deep as we touch upon neuroscience, the law of attraction, healing the unconscious and much more to help shine some light on what's holding us back so we can thrive in our life in Recovery.    About Arlina:  Arlina Allen is a Life & Recovery Coach, the founder of Sober Life School, and host of the award winning recovery podcast "The ODAAT Chat Podcast".  She has been sober since 1994, married for 23 years, and mother of two amazing boys.  Her class "Reinvent - How To Rebuild Self-Esteem & End Self-Sabotage" is being taught to those who've suffered from low self-esteem, codependency, workaholism and many other issues.  It is also being taught in the CA and AZ Prison System to help provide healthy coping skills to inmates before they are released.  "We only allow into our lives what we feel we deserve, consciously or unconsciously. You can change what you believe and create the life of your dreams. Change your mind, change your life." ~Arlina Allen  Connect with Arlina:  Main Website Reinvent - Self Esteem Course Podcast Facebook Instagram: @odaatchat Connect with Mike Govoni, Healing Beyond Recovery Website Instagram Facebook   Get a FREE 19 page Holistic Recovery Guide now!  Discover 8 Holistic Principles to: Lose Weight, Create Thriving Relationships, and Feel Good In Your Body - All While Staying Sober!  

Arlina helps ambitious women change their relationship with alcohol so they can love themselves again and accomplish their goals. There is only one thing that determines your love life, your finances and your health: Your self-esteem. Arlina spent most of her life trying to solve the wrong problems. She thought she had to make more money, have the perfect body and find "Mr. Right"... But she was looking in the wrong place. Like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, it was inside her all along! When you change your beliefs, you can change your life. Listen to this episode now and learn how Arlina can help.

Welcome to The Chase The Vase Podcast. My guest today is Arlina Allen. Arlina is a Life & Recovery Coach and the founder of Sober LifeSchool, and host of the award winning recovery podcast "The ODAAT Chat Podcast". During her active addiction, a seed was planted by a friend in form of an invitation to attend a meeting. That seed grew along with her disconnect and frustration. There came a point in her addiction that she was so "soul tired and soul sick!" She needed direction and help. She needed a glimpse of HOPE! She found that hope within the halls of AA. She recounts the story of attending her first AA meeting. She did not know that people like her attended. She had a preconceived thought of what "people in AA" looked like! Arlina shares her experience of being lost and not knowing where to turn. She found direction, hope, spirituality, and sobriety through the 12 steps! Please like, share and follow Chase The Vase Podcast. We bring Hope to to those who struggle to find it! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/brock-m-bevell/support

Arlina Allen is a Life & Recovery Coach, the founder of Sober Life School, and host of the award winning recovery podcast "The ODAAT Chat Podcast". She has been sober since 4/23/94, married for 23 years, and mother of two amazing boys. Her class "Reinvent-How To Rebuild Self-Esteem & End Self-Sabotage" is being taught to those who've suffered from low self-esteem, codependency, workaholism and many other issues. It is also being taught in the CA and AZ Prison System to help provide healthy coping skills to inmates before they are released. "We only allow into our lives what we feel we deserve, consciously or unconsciously. You can change what you believe and create the life of your dreams. Change your mind, change your life." ~Arlina Allen Links: Website -​ ​http://www.soberlifeschool.com Reinvent - Self Esteem Course ​http://www.selfesteemcourse.com Podcast ​http://www.odaatchat.com facebook.com/odaatchat Instagram: @odaatchat Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bravingthejourney/membership)

Arlina Allen walks us through her recovery journey and how getting laid off from her sales job she is now able to pay it forward and started her dream career. The podcast host and coach uses her many years of recovery to help women change their relationship with alcohol.

Emotions are a central part in how we operate day-to-day. It’s in our human nature to feel emotional and be sensitive towards different aspects of life. We all have strong feelings and sometimes we don't know what to do with them. Our guest today shares how to manage these strong emotions and feelings in a healthy way.  This week, we are talking with Arlina Allen, Life & Recovery Coach, Founder of Sober Life School, and Host of the award-winning Recovery podcast, “The ODAAT Chat Podcast”. Arlina has been sober since 4/23/94, married for 23 years, and is a mother of two amazing boys.  Her class "Reinvent-How To Rebuild Self-Esteem & End Self-Sabotage" is being taught to those who've suffered from low self-esteem, codependency, workaholism and many other issues. It is also being taught in the CA and AZ Prison System to help provide healthy coping skills to inmates before they are released. In this episode, Arlina shares her personal recovery journey and how she was able to find freedom in expressing her emotions in a healthy way. We discuss why living in guilt and shame is detrimental to the recovery journey and how to shift our mindset around our past experiences. Arlina also shares the importance of gratitude and how it allows us to be present with our emotions. Topics Discussed The various feelings and emotions those in recovery face  How to manage “big feelings” in a healthy way  The importance of resolving resentment to live a life of empathy and compassion  Learning to live a meaningful life outside of guilt and shame Why the positive intention of gratitude and love leads to a fulfilling love  Connect with Arlina Allen    Website: http://www.soberlifeschool.com  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/odaatchat  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/odaatchat/    Additional Resources Reinvent Self-Esteem Course http://www.selfesteemcourse.com The ODAAT Chat Podcast http://www.odaatchat.com Connect with Positive Recovery MD Podcast Website: https://www.positiverecoverymd.com  Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/577870242872032  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4JcDF1gjlYch4V4iBbCgZg Connect with Positive Recovery Centers online Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/positiverecoverycenters/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PositiveRecoveryCenters/  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/positiverecoverycenters/   Contact Positive Recovery CentersIf you or someone you know needs help, visit the website or call the number below to schedule an assessment. We are here to help. Call: 877-476-2743 Address: 902 West Alabama Street Houston, Texas 77006 Website: https://positiverecovery.com  Services: https://positiverecovery.com/services/  FAQ: https://positiverecovery.com/faq/  --- About Positive Recovery MD PodcastThe Positive Recovery MD podcast is hosted by Dr. Jason Powers, Addiction Medicine Specialist and creator of Positive Recovery.  This podcast will not only inspire and motivate its listeners, it will provide the tools and foundation needed to thrive and flourish on their addiction recovery journey. Each week the Positive Recovery MD podcast community will come together to have authentic conversations around addiction, recovery and what matters – growth & progress, not perfection, all while developing positive habits for your life.  To join the community, visit https://www.positiverecoverymd.com to sign up to receive the daily Positive Intervention that we’ll review, as well as gain access to EXCLUSIVE Positive Recovery content available only to Positive Recovery MD listeners. About Positive Recovery CentersPositive Recovery Centers is a strengths-based addiction treatment program with locations across Texas. We offer a full continuum of care, from medical detox to sober living all supported by an ever-growing alumni community network.  Our evidence-based curriculum blends the best of the old with the new, all supporting our mission: that Recovery is best pursued when meaningful, intentional positive habits are formed through empowerment and resilience instead of negativity and shame.   What is Positive Recovery? Empathy and compassion drive our mission. Positive Recovery uses strengths as a pathway to help others flourish in recovery, at work, and at home. This is our core purpose, our “why.” We creatively apply science in order to improve outcomes. Positive Recovery is not wishful thinking, it is not a magic pill, and it is not self-help.  Positive Recovery is an evidence-based addiction curriculum that links the best of the old with the new, integrating existing effective approaches to treatment with interventions that enhance well-being by cultivating its components: positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning, and achievement.

Arlina Allen has reinvented her life in recovery and founded The Sober Living School, where she has developed a curriculum designed to reinvent the lives of woman trapped in limiting beliefs. She is #4 on Apple podcast for Recovery podcasts. She is Hilarious, Witty and brilliant!! Hear her story, where her momentum is taking her, and what keeps her on this path.

Life in Recovery Podcast is real life stories from everyday people in recovery. Host of the ODAAT Chat Podcast Arlina Allen talks with Ren about their lives in recovery. Addiction related support links:https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk https://www.thesurvivorstrust.orghttps://cocaineanonymous.org.ukhttps://www.al-anonuk.org.uk http://ukna.org https://oa.orghttps://www.nar-anon.org https://www.smartrecovery.org.uk https://odaatchat.comLiR books by author, philosopher and podcast host, Ren Koi: https://www.lifeinrecovery.co.uk/addiction-preventionhttps://www.lifeinrecovery.co.uk/anonymous-godhttps://www.lifeinrecovery.co.uk/togetherhttps://www.lifeinrecovery.co.uk/the-spiritual-maladySupport the LiR Podcast via Patreon and become a Patron: http://www.patreon.com/lifeinrecoveryTheme music composed and performed by Carl Jenkins with vocals from Melissa Fewtrell-Graham#LifeInRecovery

Arlina Allen is a Certified Life and Recovery Coach, Teacher, and Host of the award winning recovery podcast, The ODAAT Chat Podcast. She has been free of addiction from drugs and alcohol for more than 26 years and has dedicated her life to helping others do the same.She has been married for 20 years and is a mother of two. Arlina is a lifelong seeker of truth and she shares lessons learned in her writings and podcast.Ashley and Arlina became besties through the course of this interview, and we really hope you enjoy their connection, along with Arlina's incredible story! Subscribe to The Courage to Change: A Recovery PodcastApple Podcasts |  Google Podcasts | SpotifyStitcher | iHeart | TuneIn | Overcast | SoundCloud Resourced Mentioned:Tara Brach - RAINFree 10 Minute guided meditationArlina's “Reinvent” Class for Self-EsteemODAAT Chat PodcastListen to Ashley on Arlina's podcast!Watch Ashley & Arlina's interview here Connect with Us:Podcast Website | Podcast Instagram | Podcast FacebookQuestions, comments or feedback?  Email us at podcast@lionrock.life

This week Mandy interviews Arlina Allen. Arlina is a Teacher, Author, host of the award winning recovery podcast "The ODAAT Chat Podcast", and founder of Sober Life School. She has been sober since 4/23/94, married for 23 years, and mother of two amazing boys. Her class "Reinvent-How To Rebuild Self-Esteem After Addiction, Heartbreak & Trauma" is being taught to those who've suffered from low self-esteem, codependency, workaholism and many other issues. It is also being taught in the CA Prison System to help provide healthy coping skills to inmates before they are released. "We only allow into our lives what we feel we deserve, consciously or unconsciously. You can change what you believe and create the life of your dreams. Change your mind, change your life." ~Arlina Allen Her course sounds amazing, she is such an inspiration, this was a great conversation, so grab a cuppa and let's chat.Links: Reinvent - Self Esteem Course http://www.selfesteemcourse.com Podcast http://www.odaatchat.com Main Website - http://www.soberlifeschool.com Our book Love Yourself Sober is now available to buy https://www.amazon.co.uk/Love-Yourself-Sober-Mandy-Manners/dp/1789561442/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr= or in any bookshop it can be ordered in XX

Arlina Allen is the creator and host of The ODAAT Chat Podcast. She has been clean and sober since April 23rd, 1994.  https://odaatchat.com @odaatchat @arlinaallen Class Called “Reinvent”  www.selfesteemcourse.com    Be sure to check us out at www.ThatSoberGuy.com also connect with us on instagram @realthatsoberguy and on twitter @shaneramer   Zoom AA Meetings    Promises “ROOTED” Online Meetings   Need Help?  Go to http://promisesbehavioralhealth.com/soberguy or call 888-205-1890   How to Navigate the first 90 Days of Sobriety Digital Course. Enter the promo code HALFOFF at checkout to save $25   Thanks to our Sponsors: http://promisesbehavioralhealth.com/soberguy http://dailyaaemail.com    

Have you ever sabotaged yourself and you can't figure out why?   You want to get promoted, improve your health and your relationships, achieve a big goal, and somehow you get in your own way and wreck your best-laid plans.    Self-sabotage was definitely a part of my story when I was drinking.    I would be getting ready for a big opportunity at work - a business trip or presentation - and I'd drink the night before. The next day when I was on center stage I was hung over and just trying to make it through the event.  I'd have a social gathering that I was looking forward to for months and drink and then not remember most of it.  I'd want to talk to my husband about something that was really bothering me, and I'd drink and not be able to express myself and my needs rationally and coherently.    The truth is that self-sabotage is the result of low self-esteem.    We only allow into our lives what we feel and believe we deserve.    Building self-esteem is a foundational piece of recovery work.   When you change your self-esteem, your deep, subconscious beliefs about what you think you deserve, you stop self-sabotage.    You can improve your relationships, job, ability to achieve your dreams and goals, financial abundance, the love you attract and your health.    If you don't change those beliefs, regardless of how hard you work, you will sabotage your progress in achieving them, either consciously or unconsciously.    My guest today is Arlina Allen. She's a Certified Life and Recovery Coach and Host of the award winning recovery podcast, The ODAAT Chat Podcast.   Arlina helps busy professional women to get the clarity they need to get unstuck, and achieve their goals so that they can live the life of their dreams.   Arlina is also the creator of the Reinvent, a six week self-esteem course, where she works with women to get to the root of what's holding them back and change their beliefs so that they can realize their dreams.    In this episode Arlina dives into the framework of her self-esteem course, including the importance of creating the right support system, tools for long term change, and new self image and a vision for what's possible in your future.   In this episode, you'll learn about:   The law of attraction How to leverage this universal law to manifest your deepest desires How to identify negative beliefs and a process to resolve them and let them go Addressing the causes of fears and anxiety and how to create a compelling future self image  The connection tour, a step-by-step process to create a strong support system Daily activities to build self-esteem The fundamentals of how to create healthy boundaries for inner peace and healthy relationships   Shownotes: www.hellosomedaycoaching.com/17   Grab my free Sober Girls Guide To Quitting Drinking   Links and resources mentioned in this episode   Connect with Arlina Allen https://soberlifeschool.com/ https://selfesteemcourse.com/ Arlina's Podcast: https://odaatchat.com/ ODAAT Chat Private Women's Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1244862275613746    Connect with Casey McGuire Davidson www.hellosomedaycoaching.com Casey @ Hello Someday Coaching (@caseymdavidson) Listen to more podcast episodes to drink less + live more.

Life in Recovery Podcast is real life stories from everyday people in recovery from substance and behavioural addictions. Arlina Allen interviews Ren on her ODAAT Chat Podcast Episode 109. Alcoholism and addiction related support links:https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk https://www.thesurvivorstrust.orghttps://cocaineanonymous.org.ukhttps://www.al-anonuk.org.uk http://ukna.org https://oa.orghttps://www.nar-anon.org https://www.smartrecovery.org.uk https://www.smartrecovery.org/familyhttps://odaatchat.comLiR books by author, philosopher and podcast host, Ren Koi: https://www.lifeinrecovery.co.uk/addiction-preventionhttps://www.lifeinrecovery.co.uk/anonymous-godhttps://www.lifeinrecovery.co.uk/togetherhttps://www.lifeinrecovery.co.uk/the-spiritual-maladySupport the LiR Podcast via Patreon and become a Patron: http://www.patreon.com/lifeinrecoveryTheme music composed by Carl Jenkins#LiRP

Arlina Allen is an Author, Podcast Host, Recovery & Relationship Coach. She is the host of The ODAAT Chat podcast and the founder of Sober Life School. Sober since 1994, she's been married for 21 years and is the mother of two teenage boys. Arlina Allen Website: https://soberlifeschool.com/ Podcast: https://odaatchat.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/odaatchat/ Instagram: @arlinaallen LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arlinaallen/ Email: arlina@odaatchat.com ------------------------- Thanks for watching The Funky Brain Podcast with Dennis Berry. While Dennis has been working in different areas of life, he has decided to shift the focus of the Podcast to Addiction Recovery and Sobriety for men, since that is his background. If you, or somebody you know, is struggling with any type of addiction, please reach out to Dennis anytime. If you like what you see, and you'd like to hire Dennis to speak at your next event, he is the best motivational keynote speaker on the planet. He brings a ton of energy, experience, motivation, and inspiration to the table in every event he contributes to. He is your leadership coaching professional. As a best-selling author and an award-winning sales & marketing professional, life coach, and business coach, he knows what it takes to take you and/or your organization, business, or corporation to the next level. His fun, witty, unique spin on life, with a touch of humor, will leave you motivated to get out there and improve yourself. Website: https://www.DennisBerry.com Email: dennis@dennisberry.com LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dennisberry1/ Facebook: @FunkyBrainPodcast Book on Amazon: "Funky Wisdom: A Practical Guide to Life" https://www.amazon.com/Funky-Wisdom-Practical-Guide-Life-ebook/dp/B07L4SPC7S/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

Arlina Allen is a writer, the host of international podcast "The ODAAT Chat Podcast," and founder of Sober Life School. Sober since since 1994, Arlina has been married for 21 years and is the mother of two teenage boys. Arlina joins us live in the SHAIR Recovery Community for an exclusive Q&A with our members! Arlina used drugs and alcohol to self-medicate her emotional pain. She lived in a fantasy world and believed that if she could just find the right man, her problems would be over. Arlina spent so much time and energy disconnecting that she couldn't see a life beyond her pain.  Listen as Arlina answers questions about what she's discovered about herself during 25 years in recovery!   For the show notes and links in this episode go to omarpinto.com/246. Join our Facebook Private Group - theshairpodcast.com/group Transform Your Life! Get One-on-One Coaching with Omar Pinto Get a FREE session. BOOK NOW. Join The SRC - SHAIR Recovery Community For only $1 today! Customize a recovery pathway that works for you. LEARN MORE.

In this episode, we're joined by the sunny, kind and engaging Arlina Allen, host of her own podcast The ODAAT Chat as well as the creator of Sober Life School. We discuss AA Step 7, which consists of removing one's shortcomings. Artists include Glen Phillips, Enigma, Anna of the North and The National.Also, we've been nominated for Best Music Podcast for the 2019 Columbus Podcast Awards. If you don't mind showing us a little love, go to the nominations page and throw us a vote! It takes two seconds. Thank you! We're humbled and honored by the nom.(Drop the Needle does not own or claim ownership of any music used in this podcast. All rights go to original owner.)

Arlina Allen is many things. A Silicon Valley executive, she is also a writer, the host of The ODAAT Chat podcast and the founder of Sober Life School. Sober since 1994, she's been married for 21 years and is the mother of two teenage boys.   In her own words...   "When I was 25 I hit rock bottom.   I had managed to alienate my family and all my friends. Although I was ambitious, my drinking and using was getting the way of my sales career. My heart was broken after ending a relationship and I had no evidence that I would ever feel different.   I stood at the abyss and I had to make a decision.   Through a series of fortunate events, I managed to find a community of people who had overcome their addictions and were willing to help me do the same.   These people changed the entire trajectory of my life.   I started out feeling lost, full of self loathing, demoralized and hopeless. But after a short time, my life began to transform. I felt a new zest for life. I began to see life beyond addiction. It was as if the veil in front of my eyes had lifted and I could see a path to the life I had always dreamed of.   All I ever needed was the right information, the right support and the willingness to do the necessary work. For that, I will be forever grateful.   After this type of “near death” experience, it is human nature to want to shout the message of recovery to the entire world."   In this episode, we talk about long-term sobriety, dating cops and why it's so important to share your story with the world.  

Arlina is an alcoholic who has been sober for half her life - but she still attends multiple meetings every week.In this episode Arlina and I talk about:Her first experience with alcohol - at age 10 - and how her sister covered for her.The “eskimos” who introduced her to recovery - and why in California people who bring someone into Alcoholics Anonymous are called eskimos.And how God showed up in a mighty way after she gave Him an ultimatum to “Do His Job!”Arlina also shares why journaling is such an important part of her life, how the death of friends influenced the launch of her podcast, and she tells us more about Sober Life School.Read more at RebootsPodcast.com/Episode35.------------Special Thanks to Mikhail KosenkovMikhail has beautifully edited, mastered, and engineered this episode. If you're a podcaster and you don't have a sound genius, trust me. You need one. Even if it's to help you sort out your compression and EQ settings. He'll be glad to talk to you about your sound questions. PodcastSoundFixer@gmail.com

Our guest today is Arlina Allen. She's the host of the ODAAT Chat Podcast and has been clean and sober since 1994. Arlina was a binge drinker who used to believe finding puke on her shoes in the morning meant she had a great time. Alcohol brought out her alter-egos. She never knew which one of them was going to show up at the party, and she didn't remember what they did either. Arlina always thought her life would straighten out if she found the right man, but Prince Charming never came to save her. Nothing changed until she removed alcohol from her life. Listen to how she replaced alcohol with connection and is now starting the Sober Life School. For the show notes and links mentioned in this episode, go to theshairpodcast.com/186.   Join SHAIR SPACE - the Empowerment Network http://shairspace.net/ Support The SHAIR Podcast: Donate with PayPal -  http://theshairpodcast.com/donate/ Facebook Private Group - http://theshairpodcast.com/group Amazon Link - http://theshairpodcast.com/amazon

Happy New Year Ass-Kickers! Before we jump into today’s episode, a quick announcement: From today until January 9th, I’ll be giving $10 for every Amazon review about my new book, How To Stop Feeling Like Shit, to Best Buddies International, which is a charity close to my heart. Best Buddies helps people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. You can hear more about it and why it’s important to me in the episode. So, if you’ve read my book, please help me help them by leaving a review. Thank you in advance!   Today is another recovery episode with guest Arlina Allen. Today she shares how her career aspirations eventually led to issues with alcohol, how everything came to a head for her at age 25 and then how she was introduced to a 12-step program paving the way for her recovery. Arlina has been clean and sober for 23 years and in her own journey, she was able to see the patterns that were holding her back. Along the way she’s discovered she wasn’t a victim and did indeed have the power to make the decisions that were best for her. Arlina now helps others as a host of her own podcast, The ODAAT Chat, and in this talk she reveals how she’s now able to pay it forward to help others battling addiction. Like the other episodes in this series, even if you’re not struggling with addiction or in recovery, you probably know someone who is. That’s what these stories are for; it’s about shining the light on addiction and recovery and telling our stories. You’ll find out why quitting drinking is just a small part of the equation though, and that sobriety and recovery are two very different things. http://yourkickasslife.com/190  

In this week's episode, D.J. talks with fellow podcaster and friend in recovery, Arlina of the ODAAT(One Day at a Time) Chat podcast. Arlina Allen speaks openly about her 23 years of sobriety, as well as her years of active addiction to drugs, alcohol, and men. Arlina goes on to share about early childhood abuse; using drugs and alcohol to numb painful emotions; and what it was like living in insanity.  For Arlina, it all came down to a spiritual solution, regardless of the various addictions plaguing her life. She had to start at Step One and fight hard to maintain her sobriety one day at a time.  Arlina and D.J. also talk recovery resources including self-care tips, having chickens in the backyard and using nail art to find solace when thing are feeling overwhelming. Here are some links to resources Arlina shared about in the episode:HeadSpace app for mediation - https://www.headspace.com/Sam Harris - https://www.samharris.org/aboutTara Brach - https://www.tarabrach.com/guided-meditations/Backyard Chicken -https://www.backyardchickens.com/ODAAT Chat Facebook - ​https://www.facebook.com/odaatchat/ Hosted by D.J. Burr, psychotherapist and author of I Just Wanted Love: Recovery of a Codependent, Sex and Love Addict and host of the podcast Journey On: Men Healing from Sexual Abuse & Assault. www.djburr.com   Sponsored by: ABLE Life Recovery - Online Recovery Coaching - Listeners receive 25% off when you select a plan. Visit ableliferecovery.com today.  Music Like Music (cdk Mix) by cdk (c) copyright 2015 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Share-Alike  (3.0) license. http://dig.ccmixter.org/files/cdk/48915 Ft: Phasenwandler The Stars Look Different (Ziggy Stardust Mix) by spinningmerkaba (c) copyright 2016 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. http://dig.ccmixter.org/files/jlbrock44/52765 Ft: stefsax and Dimitri Artemenko

In this week's episode, D.J. talks with fellow podcaster and friend in recovery, Arlina of the ODAAT(One Day at a Time) Chat podcast. Arlina Allen speaks openly about her 23 years of sobriety, as well as her years of active addiction to drugs, alcohol, and men. Arlina goes on to share about early childhood abuse; using drugs and alcohol to numb painful emotions; and what it was like living in insanity.  For Arlina, it all came down to a spiritual solution, regardless of the various addictions plaguing her life. She had to start at Step One and fight hard to maintain her sobriety one day at a time.  Arlina and D.J. also talk recovery resources including self-care tips, having chickens in the backyard and using nail art to find solace when thing are feeling overwhelming. Here are some links to resources Arlina shared about in the episode:HeadSpace app for mediation - https://www.headspace.com/Sam Harris - https://www.samharris.org/aboutTara Brach - https://www.tarabrach.com/guided-meditations/Backyard Chicken -https://www.backyardchickens.com/ODAAT Chat Facebook - ​https://www.facebook.com/odaatchat/ Hosted by D.J. Burr, psychotherapist and author of I Just Wanted Love: Recovery of a Codependent, Sex and Love Addict and host of the podcast Journey On: Men Healing from Sexual Abuse & Assault. www.djburr.com   Sponsored by: ABLE Life Recovery - Online Recovery Coaching - Listeners receive 25% off when you select a plan. Visit ableliferecovery.com today.  Music Like Music (cdk Mix) by cdk (c) copyright 2015 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Share-Alike  (3.0) license. http://dig.ccmixter.org/files/cdk/48915 Ft: Phasenwandler The Stars Look Different (Ziggy Stardust Mix) by spinningmerkaba (c) copyright 2016 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. http://dig.ccmixter.org/files/jlbrock44/52765 Ft: stefsax and Dimitri Artemenko

Restaurants need social media too and Author of "Twitter for Restaurants" Arlina Allen, owner of Social Media Restaurant Marketing, a Silicon Valley social media marketing company, and author of “Twitter for Restaurants,” will share how you, the restaurant business owner can maximize social media tools to draw in loyal patrons. Arlina Allen is also a speaker, trainer and account manager that focusus on helping you to build meaningful relationships with potential clients, using the most popular social media platforms. There is a right way and a wrong way to enter theonline converstion. She shows you the short cut. Arlina Allen's Specialties: Social Media Marketing, Network Growth, Automated Content Distribution, Brand Management, Traffic Generation, Email Marketing. http://www.socialmediamgr.com TWITTER:@socialmedia_mgr

⬇️DAMN THE JOIN SHITSHOW - ADULT CHILD HEALING COMMUNITY⬇️https://theshitshow.mn.co4 weekly zoom support groups (Sun 3: 30 pm EST, Mon 8:30 pm EST, Tues 1 pm EST, & Thurs 8:30 pm EST)Support community at your fingertips with discussion boards and chat

You could be raised by parents who are very nice people and they may not have any drinking or drug use issues. They could be super religious. But that doesn't guarantee it's going to save you from drug addiction or alcoholism. It's perfectly acceptable to ask for prayers if somebody is sick. But what happens when you do a repeated bad behavior that you can't seem to control?As children, we don't really have the power to change our environment that has been created by adults. We have been taught to be fundamentally flawed and that we are all sinners. And sometimes, when our brains have been wired that way, it naturally brings feelings of guilt, shame, and pain – that the only way to numb those is resorting to addiction. On today's episode, Duane talks to Arlina Allen, host of The One Day at a Time podcast and creator of the Sober Life School. Arlina Allen has been sober since 1994 after living a wild life of drugs, alcohol, and sex. Her tagline at the time was – “If it was in a bottle, a bag or blue jeans, I was doing it!” Alina had quite a rough childhood. She started seeing a shrink at age 9, drinking at age 10, and started smoking weed in junior high. Her parents got divorced when she was young, and she was sexually abused by their neighbor. Growing up, she only had two feelings: guilty and wrong – and she used addiction as her way out of pain. Eventually, this left her feeling lost, full of self-loathing, demoralized, and hopeless. Then she finally reached out to some sober friends who offered her a little bit of hope and safety to be able to look inward.Today, Arlina shares her understanding of how our own natural tendency for negativity and confirmation bias creates a painful feedback loop of continued self-loathing and continued pain, and finally, how reaching out to others can help change that process so we can unpack our baggage, see things more clearly with compassion, and begin to make the changes we want.In this episode, you will hear:How the shame spiral keeps goingUnderstanding confirmation bias, negativity bias, and the brain's default networkWhat prompted her to finally make that switch to the other sideHow part of the AA's 12-step program allows you to unload all of your baggageThe role of community in addiction recoveryKey Quotes:[07:11] - “In childhood, we develop these beliefs about who we are, it's like the subconscious mind. It's how we operate from it's like a computer's operating system. We then operate from that presupposition about who we think we are, and what we deserve, and what we're capable of. [07:36] - “Confirmation bias meaning I've made a decision about who I was and what I was worth. And then my subconscious mind then looks for information to support my belief.”[08:16] - "The default mode network is like a thermostat, where you don't get too high, and you don't get too low. We live within this comfort zone."[15:54] - “We do have a negativity bias where we're looking for the problem so that we can solve it so that we can survive. But what we don't realize is that we are forgetting about our assets. We're forgetting to focus on the thousand things that go right every day.”[21:08] - "I just didn't see a way out. I was so self-centered but incapable of self-examination."[25:45] - “The how of recovery is honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness.”[31:54] - “There is no doing this alone because our minds are compromised. And so we need an outside objective, compassionate, third-party perspective on what's going on.”Subscribe and ReviewHave you subscribed to our podcast? We'd love for you to subscribe if you haven't yet. We'd love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.If you really enjoyed this episode, we've created a PDF that has all of the key information for you from the episode. Just go to the episode page at www.theaddictedmind.com to download it.Supporting Resources:Arlina's Self-Esteem Course: https://www.selfesteemcourse.com/The One Day at a Time: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-one-day-at-a-time-podcast/id1453590397 Sober Life School: https://www.soberlifeschool.com/ Episode CreditsIf you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com