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Bestselling novelist Marti Leimbach on the art of writing a novel, surviving early success and the long career that follows, and turning lived experience into fiction — a remastered version of episode #016.You'll learnWhy your relationship to the page has to outrank every other voice in writing and publishing.How to tell apart the voice that says you're no good and the voice that says you're not finished.The case for admitting you're not up to the task before you sit down to write.What a genuinely good writing day looks like, and why a single sentence can count as one.Why no novel is ever perfect, and what Picasso understood about original work.How enormous early success actually lands on a writer, and what the morning after looks like.A way of finding the real story inside a draft that has grown far too big.When self-doubt is a sign of talent rather than a lack of it.Why some books have to be written as fiction rather than memoir.The trick of convincing yourself you have unlimited time when you clearly don't.Resources & LinksMarti's Books on AmazonMarti's websiteMarti's InstagramGreat On The Page — Marti's SubstackOriginal episode: #016: Marti Leimbach — The Art of Writing a NovelAbout Marti LeimbachMarti Leimbach is known for her bestsellers, Dying Young, made into a film starring Julia Roberts, and Daniel Isn't Talking. She is interested in neurodiversity and has shared the stage with young inventors at the Human Genome Project (Toronto), the National Autistic Society, and the University of Oxford. Her interest in science influenced her YA thriller, Dragonfly Girl.She teaches on the Masters Programme in Creative Writing at the University of Oxford. Dragonfly Girl is her eighth novel, but her first for young adults. For show notes, transcripts and to attend our live podcasts visit: podcast.londonwriterssalon.com.For free writing sessions, join free Writers' Hours: writershour.com.*FOLLOW LONDON WRITERS' SALONTwitter: twitter.com/WritersSalonInstagram: instagram.com/londonwriterssalonFacebook: facebook.com/LondonWritersSalonIf you're enjoying this show, please rate and review this show!
What if the loneliness you feel, even surrounded by people who love you, has nothing to do with them and everything to do with a part of yourself you have been hiding?A moment from the podcast archive that I felt deserved to be heard again.Today, my guest Mario Lanzarotti, whose TEDx talk has nearly 3 million views, shares why self doubt and loneliness are inseparable companions, and why the only way out is not to achieve more, but to stop hiding the parts of yourself you have deemed unworthy of being seen.Press play for one of the most honest and quietly profound conversations about self doubt, the heart, and what it truly means to live with courage.˚VALUABLE RESOURCES:Listen to the full conversation with Mario Lanzarotti in episode #542:https://personaldevelopmentmasterypodcast.com/542˚Coaching with Agi: https://personaldevelopmentmasterypodcast.com/mentor˚
Send us Fan MailEver catch yourself saying, “I can't do this” and wonder… when exactly did you start believing that?Because you weren't born worrying about looking stupid, disappointing people, or getting everything perfectly right.Somewhere along the way, you learned.In this solo episode, Alex explores how the words, experiences, and people around us quietly shape the voice we carry into adulthood. The one that says this is too hard. Don't mess this up. What will people think?Our brains are constantly paying attention, looking for patterns and learning what feels safe. And over time, those patterns can become beliefs we don't even realize we're carrying.But what if you could change the conversation?What would become possible if your inner voice sounded less like a critic and more like someone who genuinely believed in you?And what are the little people in your life learning from the way you speak to yourself?The words we repeat become the stories we believe.
I'd love to hear from you 'text the show'In this episode, Katie sits down with holistic mindset coach Philippa to unpack why self-doubt shows up most when you're about to grow and why it's not a sign you're doing it wrong. They explore how doubt often demands certainty before action, and why that need for “knowing how it will work out” keeps so many clinic owners stuck right at the point they're ready to level up.Katie and Philippa explain that doubt isn't something to eradicate. Instead, it's often a beacon that you're changing something meaningful. They talk about how the primitive brain reads change as threat, which is why doubt can feel like a full body experience and why comparison, scrolling, and “collecting evidence” that you're not good enough can kick in fast. The key shift is learning to notice doubt without giving it authority, treating it as a pause rather than a full stop.They also break down what self-doubt can look like in real life: constant second-guessing, “what if” thinking, staying busy to avoid the real decision, blaming external factors, and getting trapped in patterns like “not enough time” or “not enough money.” Philippa shares practical ways to move through it, including lowering your stress response first, challenging the thought with “is that true?”, and breaking big decisions into tiny next steps so you can keep moving even when certainty isn't available.Finally, Katie encourages listeners who feel stuck in that messy middle between where they are and where they want to be to take action and get support, rather than waiting for doubt to disappear. Because if you require certainty before you move, you'll be waiting forever. Resources & Links:Subscribe to our Channel on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@thrivebizcoach?sub_confirmation=1Website: https://Thrive-businesscoaching.com Free Resources: https://treatyourbusiness.com Sponsor - Jane & MBSTPractice management software that brings scheduling, charting, billing, payments, and patient communication into one connected system so you can reduce admin and focus on patient care.Book a Demo > https://meetings.jane.app/meetings/jane-app-uk/uk-demoContact > support@janeapp.comjane.app/start THRIVE2MOMBST is non-invasive cell regeneration technology, trusted since 1998, backed by peer-reviewed research. Deliver lasting results and give your clinic the edge. Enquire via the website > https://mbst.healthContact > richard@mbst.health
What happens when you finally do the thing that scares you?After dreaming about giving a TEDx Talk, applying to numerous events, getting accepted, and spending six months preparing for the TEDx stage, I finally stepped onto that red circle and shared my message about the Imagination Recession and why play and creativity matter more than ever.But the experience taught me much more than how to give a TEDx Talk.In this episode of the Second Act Success Podcast, I'm sharing three powerful lessons I learned about fear, self-doubt, confidence, and going after big goals.I'm also sharing what surprised me about meeting the other TEDx speakers and realizing that even incredibly accomplished people experience imposter syndrome and wonder whether their story is worthy of being heard.If you're considering a career change, starting a business, pursuing a dream, or simply trying to find the courage to take your next big step, this episode is your reminder that confidence doesn't have to come before action.Sometimes you have to do the scary thing first.
Rich Reflections returns around a campfire. After spending more time than he'd like in front of a computer, Rich heads outside, lights a fire, and creates space to breathe, think, and reconnect. Beginning with five minutes of intentional breathing, this session explores where we are right now—and where we might want to go next. Rich reflects on the prevalence of self-doubt and anxiety he noticed during a recent trip to New York and asks how we can better understand our own relationship with uncertainty. From there, the conversation moves into gratitude—not only for what we have today, but for the decisions and work of our former selves that made our present lives possible. Around the fire, Rich considers what history can teach us, drawing inspiration from the unusual devotion and independence of the Carthusian monks. He explores his own “full throttle or idle” approach to life, reflects on the summer that is coming to an end, and shares his excitement surrounding Blue Byron Books and the expanding Gate of Clouds universe. The episode ultimately turns outward: How can we participate more in the world? How can we be useful to the people and communities around us? And instead of waiting for some distant transformation, what is one action we can take today to make life better? A reflection on stillness and action, solitude and participation, gratitude and growth—and the value of occasionally sitting beside a fire and thinking about what it means to be alive. Questions in this session: How are we feeling right now? What is our relationship with self-doubt right now? What are we grateful for? What are we grateful our former self did for us? What source from history can we draw inspiration from right now? When are we at our very best? What kind of lifestyle and approach to living brings that out of us? How did our summer go? Was it everything we hoped it would be? What's coming up that energizes us? What project is really energizing us right now? What are we curious about recently? What would participating more in the world and our community look like for us? How can we be of service to others? What is one action we can take today that will make our life better and move us in a positive direction?
Send us Fan MailWhy do we sometimes stop ourselves from growing—even when we know what we should do?In this episode of The Kapeel Gupta Career PodShow, we explore the hidden patterns behind self-sabotage, fear of failure, fear of judgment, comfort zones, overthinking and self-doubt.Especially for students and young professionals, thoughts like “What if I fail?”, “What will people say?” or “Maybe I'm not ready yet” can quietly influence career decisions and keep opportunities out of reach.Discover how to recognise these patterns, challenge limiting beliefs and start taking small but meaningful actions towards your growth.
What If I Got It Wrong? — A 10-Minute Meditation for Self-Doubt, Anxiety and Overthinking Self-doubt has a habit of showing up right after we've already chosen — not before. In this guided meditation for self-doubt, anxiety and overthinking, Martin Hewlett works directly with the second-guessing that follows a decision: replaying a message, a conversation, or a choice, and quietly asking "what if I made the wrong decision?" or "why can't I trust myself?" For more calming meditations whenever this feeling catches you, download Anchored, Calming Anxiety's free companion app, for offline-ready sessions any time you need them.Get it on the App Store athttps://apps.apple.com/us/app/anchored-panic-anxiety/id6785035669 or on Google Play at https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.martinhewlett.anchored. This episode draws on post-event rumination and intolerance of uncertainty — the anxious habit of replaying a decision looking for proof it was right — and moves the listener from "what if I got it wrong?" toward "I don't need certainty to move forward." Guided by a cyclic sighing breath (two breaths in through the nose, one long exhale out) to calm the nervous system before the affirmation work begins. ⏱️ Time Chapters* 00:00 – The Question That Won't Let Go* 00:48 – Welcome & Anchored* 01:21 – Naming Self-Doubt and Decision Anxiety* 02:56 – Breathing Together* 03:52 – Working With the Thought* 05:37 – Affirmations for Self-Trust* 08:26 – Three Daily Caring Tips* 09:19 – Closing & Coming Back* 10:17 – Try Anchored Premium
Melissa is a respected mental health professional and a familiar voice in the volleyball community through her color commentary work with PSP Network. In this episode, we get beyond the game and into the real conversations: anxiety, burnout, performance pressure, identity, support systems, and the importance of creating environments where athletes and everyone else feel safe asking for help. Connect with Melissa Spelchen: Website: upyourperformance1.com Subscribe to Swim Lessons the Podcast for conversations that go deeper than the surface with sports, life, community, and the lessons that shape us.
What happens when the biggest battle isn't happening around you—it's happening inside your head? On this episode of Super U, Erik Qualman sits down with retired U.S. Navy Captain, engineer, leadership expert, author, and speaker Dr. Jenn Donahue. During her 27-year military career, Jenn built a bridge across the Euphrates during the Iraq War, commanded an 800-person battalion in Afghanistan, and survived an assassination plot. Yet she reveals that one of her toughest battles wasn't enemy fire—it was self-doubt. Jenn shares how a toxic boss nearly broke her confidence, why you shouldn't let your "head win," and how to recognize the inner voices that keep us stuck, including her "mean little voice" and "sneaky little bastard." She also explains why everyone needs a "battle buddy," how great leaders see the individual rather than just the organization, and why the best leaders focus on making their people better. This is a powerful conversation about resilience, leadership, self-awareness, trusting your team, and finding the courage to become who you're meant to be. Get your copy of Jenn Donahue's quote book here: https://www.daretorise.co/quotes Five-time #1 Bestselling Author and Motivational Speaker Erik Qualman has performed in over 60 countries and reached over 60 million people this past decade. He was voted the 2nd Most Likable Author in the World behind the Harry Potter series. Have Erik speak at your conference: eq@equalman.com Motivational Speaker | Erik Qualman has inspired audiences at FedEx, Chase, ADP, Huawei, Starbucks, Godiva, FBI, Google, and many more on Focus and Digital Leadership.
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What if you aren't behind? What if you're becoming exactly who you're meant to be?In this episode of Normalize the Conversation, Francesca Reicherter and Susy Markoe Schieffelin explore the realities of healing, anxiety, recovery, and self-worth. Together, they discuss why growth isn't linear, how shame keeps us stuck, and what it means to support your nervous system instead of fighting it.Susy shares her journey from rock bottom to recovery, the practices that helped her heal, and why choosing hope is often a series of small decisions—not one life-changing moment.Whether you're navigating anxiety, feeling stuck, or simply need a reminder to be kinder to yourself, this conversation offers hope, practical wisdom, and the reassurance that healing is possible.Because maybe you're not behind. You're becoming.Connect with Susy Markoe Schieffelin: https://thecoppervessel.com/about Connect with Francesca Reicherter (host): francescareicherter.com
Send us Fan MailI'm doing what I'm supposed to do. I'm showing up. I'm putting in the work. So why does it still feel like I'm falling short?Matt and Steve talk about the nagging belief that you should always be doing more—at work, in recovery, and in life. That leads them into a bigger question: are you doing things because they actually help, or because you're trying to prove you're doing recovery the “right” way? Prayer, meetings, reading, routines, productivity—even good habits can become boxes to check when the purpose gets lost.Recovery isn't about performing it perfectly. Eventually, it becomes about learning how to live: handling difficult days, treating people well, taking care of yourself, and building a life you no longer need to escape from.Support the show
JOIN FREE 5-day workshop: September 14–18! In this episode of The Mindset Babe Podcast, we're breaking down the three beliefs that make you second-guess yourself, fear failure, and hold back from becoming the confident woman you want to be.You'll learn:How comparison, rejection, and past mistakes affect your self-worthWhat your brain really means when it tells you, “I can't”How fear of failure keeps you from taking actionWhy failing at something never makes you a failureConnect with Me: FREE 5-day workshop, 3 Steps to Confidence, happening September 14–18! Schedule Free Consult Call: https://calendly.com/perryrichardson/freecallFollow me on Instagram (the.mindsetbabe)22 Journal Prompts for Confidence ( FREE GUIDE) Email me: theperryrichardson@gmail.comwww.themindsetbabe.com Keywords: confidence, self-doubt, how to become confident, fear of failure, limiting beliefs, feeling good enough, self-worth, low self-esteem, overthinking, negative thoughts, comparison, mindset, personal development, successful women, confidence for women, stop second-guessing yourself, believe in yourself, overcome self-doubt, become her, IT Girl identity
How many times have you seen someone surrounded by an incredible circle of womne and you thought, "why don't I have a circle like that?" I have definitely felt this way before. Even as someone who build an entire community of like minded amigas, I have found myself lacking intimate relationships with a close circle. But here is what changed: I began to cultivate these relationships myself without waiting for them and without expectations. Because I realized that just because I was a community builder didn't mean I automatically had a community. You have to put in the work, you have to build relationships, you have to show up for them the same way they show up for you. In this episode I share 3 tangible steps you can take to build a circle that will pull you out of depths of self-doubt. I talk about: The right circle can pull you out of self-doubt. You can be confident in your business while still navigating an identity shift. Not every business friendship is a genuine friendship. If you want better friendships, you have to be willing to initiate them. The strongest business friendships are reciprocal—but not transactional. I hope this episode inspires you to create or strenghten your close circle of amigas that help you grow and go after your wildest dreams. Join us for the Fundadoras Circle Dinner in CHICAGO Fundadoras Circle Join us for the FIRST BODY LIBERATION Event in CHICAGO Body Liberation Event Schedule Your 90-min NEXT CHAPTER Intensive Work With Sonia
In Part 1 of our conversation with Austin Cairns, Jim Ellermeyer explores how a shy kid who wasn't sure what he wanted to do began creating a path toward broadcasting. Austin grew up in Carnegie, Pennsylvania, attending a small high school where opportunities could be limited. Then the COVID-19 pandemic arrived during his high school years. Remote learning, isolation, uncertainty, fear for his frontline-worker parents, and spending most of his time at home left Austin feeling increasingly complacent and unsure about what came next. A seemingly ordinary moment with his father changed his perspective. While watching ESPN together, Austin's father told him he could imagine his son working in television. Austin didn't immediately believe him. At the time, he considered himself shy and struggled to imagine speaking comfortably into a microphone, much less appearing on camera. But Austin tried. He started looking for opportunities wherever he could find them. His first announcing experience came introducing his high school's marching band during football halftime. That small opportunity connected him with his first mentor in broadcasting and eventually led to announcing more school sports. Austin also began creating his own practice. He muted television broadcasts and attempted play-by-play himself. He practiced wrestling commentary. He cut mock promos. He recorded his voice and listened back, even when hearing himself made him cringe. That discomfort became part of the education. Jim and Austin discuss the importance of repetition, getting outside the comfort zone, learning through failure, and being willing to ask, “How can I improve this?” Austin also reflects on the people who helped him move forward, including his family and Pittsburgh broadcasting mentor Alby Oxenreiter. A relationship that began with Austin listening closely to an experienced broadcaster eventually developed into a moment where Austin was asked to take the lead himself. Underlying the entire conversation is something central to Fishing Without Bait: we don't have to wait until we feel completely ready before taking action. Sometimes the first step is simply trying. Subscribe to Fishing Without Bait on your favorite podcast player and follow the conversation as Austin Cairns continues sharing how he got here from there. Support the podcast and receive ad-free episodes on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/fishingwithoutbait Continue your own mindfulness practice with “Learn to Fish Without Bait: A 365-Day Mindfulness Journal and Adult Coloring Book”: https://www.lulu.com/shop/james-ellermeyer-lpc-ma-ncc-lpc/learn-to-fish-without-bait/paperback/product-6n9rd8.html?page=1&pageSize=4
Leave an Amazon Rating or Review for my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Check out the full episode: https://greatness.lnk.to/1973DM Amy Cuddy says “I'm great” is actually the worst thing to tell yourself before a big moment. Real self-affirmation isn't hype, it's naming what makes you you. Three values, ranked, then write why they matter and a time you lived them out. She's pathologically optimistic and gets genuinely hurt when people are cruel. Some call that naive. She calls it who she is, full stop. The trick: walk into the exam knowing that no matter the grade, you're still you when you walk out. The test can't touch your values. College kids who did this self-affirmation exercise scored higher on midterms and had lower stress hormone levels than kids who skipped it. You can't be great at everything, and Amy says that's fine. You're allowed to just be you, win or lose. Sign up for the Greatness newsletter: http://www.greatness.com/newsletter Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
In light of Gloria Steinem's passing this week, we are re-releasing our episode with her from earlier this year with a new intro reflecting on Gloria's life and legacy. This episode was recorded in February 2026, and originally released on Gloria's 92nd birthday. It honors her impact on our culture and on the lives of every individual she spent her life fighting for. Gloria dedicated her life's work to bringing people together across generations, identities, and movements to imagine a better future for everyone. In this special episode, Emily talks to Gloria about what inspired her activism, her early travels in India, her belief that change happens in inclusive circles and through storytelling, and the legacy she hopes to leave. Learn more about Gloria's life and Legacy at gloriasfoundation.org, and consider donating to support the incredible work they do. Chapters: 00:00 Personal Intro: Remembering Gloria Steinem 01:46 Gloria Steinem: A Feminist Legend 04:56 Gloria's Early Life 08:30 Gloria's Abortion and Her Fellowship in India 10:32 Early Career and the Playboy Bunny Exposé 14:49 The Birth of a Feminist Journalist 17:12 The Rise of a Feminist Leader 25:01 Feminism and Intersectionality 26:53 Gloria's Pivot Into Marriage 29:27 The Future of Democracy 35:14 Gloria's Home as an Hub for Activism 38:16 The Importance of Each Individual 42:05 Do You Think You'll Pivot Again? 44:47 Reflecting on Gloria Steinem's Life and Legacy 46:19 Production Credits Gloria’s Substack: https://gloriasfoundation.substack.com/ Gloria’s Instagram: @GloriaSteinem Be sure to subscribe so you never miss a pivot story, leave us a rating (it really helps!), and share this episode with a woman in your life who you think needs a little inspiration. She Pivots was created by host Emily Tisch Sussman to highlight women’s voices, share stories of bold career moves, and inspire women with inspirational narratives of how personal pivots can redefine professional success. Join our Substack community! Subscribe here for exclusive content and to connect with other pivoters: https://shepivots.substack.com/ Learn more about the inspiring women in our pivoter community by following us on instagram @ShePivotsThePodcast, and check out our website www.shepivotspod.com for resources and updates. She Pivots is proud to be an iHeart podcast. Support the show: https://www.shepivotsthepodcast.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
A short bonus episode showcasing a few standout moments from this week's guest interview with Benji Wiedemann wiedemannlampe.com ~Daring Forever. Podcast with Radim Malinicdaringcreativity.com | desk@daringcreativity.comBooks by Radim Malinic Paperback and Kindle > https://amzn.to/4biTwFcFree audiobook (with Audible trial) > https://geni.us/free-audiobookBook bundles https://novemberuniverse.co.ukLux Coffee Co. https://luxcoffee.co.uk/ (Use: PODCAST for 15% off)November Universe https://novemberuniverse.co.uk (Use: PODCAST for 10% off)
Devon Gimbel has created a successful business helping professionals and entrepreneurs have amazing travel experiences using rewards credit card points, but to do so, she had to make big decisions around what she actually values, what makes her happy, and finding her purpose. Tune in this week to hear how she navigated this, how perfectionism, judgment, and self-doubt show up for us all, and most importantly, what you can do about them. Get the full show notes and more information here: https://habitsonpurpose.com/61 Join the Habits on Purpose newsletter for extra tools, prompts, and stories between episodes: https://habitsonpurpose.com/
Jamie Webster joins Mark Millar on the XS Noize Podcast to discuss his fourth studio album, Running Round The Sun, and the success, self-doubt and personal experiences behind his most reflective record yet. Jamie looks back on his journey from playing Liverpool pubs for a pint of Coke and a packet of Quavers to huge headline shows, and reflects on why achieving his dreams hasn't necessarily made life easier to figure out. He opens up about the more personal writing on the new album, including "Turning Point" and "Wherever You Are", discussing mental health, loneliness, asking for help and learning to recognise the good moments rather than constantly chasing what comes next. Jamie also reveals how recording in New York shaped "Wherever You Are", the communities behind "Small Town Life", and why he wants his music to reach beyond his early association with Liverpool FC. Elsewhere, Jamie explains what makes a Jamie Webster song, why he's returned to smaller venues, and whether making Running Round The Sun has helped him make sense of it all. Running Round The Sun is released on 4 September 2026 via Modern Sky. The XS Noize Podcast is hosted and produced by Mark Millar.
Send us Fan MailImposter syndrome isn't a character flaw — it's a very old brain wiring problem meeting a very new highlight-reel world. Your brain is built to scan for threats and compare you to your environment; social media has turned that comparison dial up to eleven by feeding it a diet of other people's edited best moments.Join me in this short episode to unpack a few of the reasons that so many people feel the impact of this dynamic. I hope that some of the high level approaches and insights I provide will help you "defang" your particular variant of Imposter Syndrome.Recommended reading:The Imposter Cure — Dr Jessamy Hibberd The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women - Valerie Young
Send us Fan MailSend us Fan MailIn this inspiring episode of Living the Dream with Curveball, we sit down with Kyle Kolber, a talented author who has turned his struggles with dyslexia into a powerful narrative of resilience and creativity. Kyle shares his journey from a young boy battling self-doubt and imposter syndrome to a published author of multiple books. He emphasizes that our greatest limitations can often become our greatest strengths.Kyle recounts his early experiences with dyslexia, explaining how it affected his reading and writing abilities until a dedicated teacher helped him unlock his potential. He reflects on the challenges he faced while writing his first book during the COVID lockdown and how that creative outlet became a saving grace. Throughout the conversation, Kyle offers valuable insights into:- The impact of dyslexia on his life and writing journey- Overcoming imposter syndrome and finding confidence in his craft- The importance of accessibility in literature and writing for diverse audiences- His upcoming projects, including the final books in his Universe series and a new tale about the Connecticut melon heads.Join us for an uplifting discussion that encourages listeners to pursue their creative dreams, regardless of the obstacles they may face. For more information about Kyle and his work, visit his website or follow him on social media.Support the show
The Live for Yourself Revolution Podcast: Living toward greater health, wealth, and happiness
Fear isn't the problem, how we respond to it is.In this Fearless Friday episode, Dr. Benjamin Ritter walks through his book, Becoming Fearless: A Journey from Self-Doubt to Self-Mastery.This episode is part of an ongoing Fearless Friday series covering all 65 strategies from the book.If this resonates, you can find the full book on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3YwGBf1 or learn more at liveforyourselfconsulting.comDon't rush it. One strategy at a time.
Real answers for your real med school dilemmas. We've had some listener question stacking up like it's the ER waiting room at shift change—and now we're finally calling some names. This week, we're clearing the board and giving straight talk on everything from whether Rainey might regret her choice of DNP over med school, Worried Traveler's fears of surviving their first clinical rotations, and Zion's untested study habits. You'll hear why reputation beats job title, the art of asking questions without tanking the vibe, and some ideas on making the transition from an easier undergrad education to med school madness. M4s Hend Al-Kaylani, Maryam Ahmad, and Madeline Ungs confront the awkward task of making friends in med school and why it's okay if you're not instantly every resident/faculty favorite.
In this podcast, Greg Voisen sits down with author and TEDx speaker Steven Dossou for a gripping conversation on what it truly takes to rise from the ashes of extreme adversity. How does a 17-year-old boy leave Togo with less than $150, survive 19 months of homelessness and gunpoint encounters, and eventually build a life of massive global impact? Nicknamed "Action Man," Steven unpacks his harrowing journey to South Africa and the raw, unfiltered lessons he learned along the way. Together, they dive deep into his book, Be Transformed: How to Live Free of Fear, Self-Doubt and Low Self-Esteem, revealing how to shatter the psychological limits placed on you by others, reclaim your personal power, and build an unshakeable mindset when the odds are stacked against you.
Originally published in 2021, this conversation with Dr. Gabor Maté explores self-doubt, stress, anxiety, addiction, and the pressures that can come with pursuing ambitious academic and professional goals.Mike Spivey speaks with Dr. Maté, world-renowned physician and author of In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, When the Body Says No, and The Myth of Normal, about how these challenges can affect prospective law students and others navigating high-pressure environments.One of Dr. Maté's insights for prospective and incoming law students:“You're going to look at all your confident classmates, and you're going to go in there with all manner of self-doubt. You're making the big mistake of comparing their outside with your inside. You have no idea what their inside is like. And believe me, you're not the only one.”This episode is a re-release of our 2021 conversation with Dr. Gabor Maté.You can listen and subscribe to Status Check with Spivey on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube: https://lnkfi.re/D5f5vv
What if the thing stopping you...is just YOU? Everyone likes to talk about overcoming self-doubt but the truth is that it's not so easy as just saying, "be gone!" If it were, we'd all be riding life high with total confidence, right!? This mini episode gives you something I heard before that shifted entirely how I think about self-doubt. It was the exact collection of words I needed...to believe in myself. Listen for inspiration! ABOUT NAKD MINIS Short episodes with bursts of inspiration for your mind, body and life. These are never more than 10 minutes and always meant to help you start or end your day with more intention. Minis are now in between our main seasons of longer episodes to keep you inspired, without taking up too much time! LISTEN TO NEXT:What Would You Tell The Younger You?
In this episode, Trisha and I answer two listener questions about overthinking, self-doubt and taking a break from your usual routine. The first listener asks about those middle-of-the-night overthinking spirals, when your mind starts questioning everything you've done and telling you that you're not doing enough or you're not good enough. The second listener is heading off on a much-needed two-week holiday but is worried that taking a break from workouts and her usual routine will mean losing all the progress she's made. We explore these questions and look at the thoughts and fears that can make it difficult to switch off, step away from our routines. As always, Trisha McHale brings her psychotherapist's perspective to the conversation, helping us look at these challenges with more understanding and compassion. If you struggle with overthinking, self-doubt or feeling like you have to stay on track all the time, this episode is for you. Click play and let's dive in. To apply for membership to Thrive Academy, Jessica's coaching program, go to www.jessicacooke.ie/thrive To contact Trisha McHale for more information on Therapy and Counselling services: galway@mindandbodyworks.com 091 725 750 About Trisha McHale: Trisha is a Psychotherapist and Director of Mind & Body Works Counselling and Psychotherapy Centre, based in Galway, with centres in Galway and Dublin. Their team of over 50 Psychotherapists and Psychologists work with adults, couples, adolescents, and children, offering therapies including CBT, EMDR, and Art Therapy. They also run a low-cost counselling service.
Losing Confidence After Stroke: Why It Happens and How to Get It Back Jaemin Frazer has spent nearly two decades and around 16,000 coaching hours on a single question: what is actually going on when a capable person stops trusting themselves? He founded The Insecurity Project to work on it directly. He is not a stroke survivor – and that turns out to be the reason this conversation is useful, because he arrives without any assumptions about what stroke recovery is supposed to look like. What he does have is a precise account of what happens to a person when their ordered world collapses, which is, more or less, the definition of a stroke. “I Just Want to Be Who I Was” Almost every survivor says some version of this. Six weeks out, six years out – the sentence barely changes. Jaemin’s response is to ask what is actually being requested. His answer: not the past. Certainty. They’re looking for certainty. They’re looking for comfort. They’re looking for safety. They’re looking through rose coloured glasses in many ways, because no one’s life was perfect before anything. That last part is the uncomfortable bit. The life you want back had its own problems. What memory offers is not a better life but a known one – and the nervous system will take known over good almost every time. Certainty Is the Real Request Humans need certainty the way they need food and shelter. We don’t function in chaos. But we also can’t get certainty from the outside world, because the outside world doesn’t have any to give. It never did. The stroke didn’t remove your certainty; it removed your ability to keep believing in it. Which leaves one option. As Jaemin puts it: The most resourceful form of certainty is to embrace uncertainty and back yourself. That distinction – external certainty versus internal certainty – is the whole conversation. When your sense of safety lives outside you, you have to control your circumstances to feel all right, and after a stroke your circumstances are largely uncontrollable. When it lives inside you, circumstances can do what they like. This is the same territory covered in stroke recovery mindset (https://recoveryafterstroke.com/stroke-recovery-mindset/), approached from a completely different angle. Self-Doubt Is Useful. Insecurity Is Not. Jaemin draws a hard line between the two, and it’s worth holding onto. Self-doubt is accurate information about a skill gap. If you can’t yet climb the stairs unaided, self-doubt is what stops you attempting it alone. It says nothing about your worth. It’s wisdom. Insecurity is different. Insecurity is the belief that a failure would expose something defective about you. Jaemin argues that most people misdefine it – it isn’t fear of judgement, failure, or rejection. It’s one level deeper: No one’s actually afraid of being rejected. They’re afraid of: if I put my best foot forward and it’s not enough, and then people don’t accept me – what does that confirm about my own inadequacy? The threat isn’t out there. It’s a verdict you’ve already passed on yourself, waiting for the world to co-sign it. What Insecurity Costs Your Recovery This is where it stops being philosophy. Jaemin frames insecurity as a resource problem. Proving yourself, defending yourself, covering and compensating – all of it consumes energy. When life is going well there’s enough spare capacity that you never notice the drain. After a stroke, there is no spare capacity. A stroke puts you into survival mode, and now you’ve got no resources to survive, because all your best resources are directed elsewhere to make sure no one sees your inadequacy. Survivors already know that fatigue after stroke is not ordinary tiredness. An injured brain rewiring itself is metabolically expensive. Every unit of energy spent managing how you appear to other people is a unit unavailable for healing. Attending to the emotional side of recovery isn’t separate from the physical work – it’s what frees up the capacity to do it. That connection runs through emotional recovery after stroke (https://recoveryafterstroke.com/emotional-recovery-after-stroke-dr-bradley-nelson/) as well. Why Your Friends Push Back Many survivors have to change how they live – what they eat, what they drink, where they go, who they spend time with. And many report losing friends over it. Jaemin’s framing here is bracing. Resistance from the people around you isn’t a malfunction. In any story worth telling, the character who transforms does so by overcoming obstacles, and those obstacles almost always arrive in the form of other people. Remove the resistance and nothing in the hero is enlarged. So when someone says you’ve changed and doesn’t mean it kindly, they are – without intending to – handing you the exact thing you need to become someone who no longer requires their approval. Grief and Insecurity Are Not the Same Thing This distinction matters, and conflating them causes real harm. Losing the use of a limb is a genuine loss. Grief is the appropriate response, and it deserves acknowledgement rather than management. The damage begins when the loss becomes a statement about your worth. I can’t run, therefore I’m not a runner, therefore who am I? That is no longer grief – that’s insecurity wearing grief’s clothes, and it needs a different response entirely. Survivors working through that identity question will recognise it in craniotomy stroke recovery and identity reset (https://recoveryafterstroke.com/craniotomy-stroke-recovery-identity-reset/), and it sits close to the ground covered in anxiety after stroke (https://recoveryafterstroke.com/anxiety-after-stroke/). That’s Not the Tragedy. That’s the Setup. The line Jaemin returns to twice in the episode is this: being lost and confused doesn’t disqualify you from a meaningful life. It’s what qualifies you to begin one. Nobody reaches adulthood with an accurate picture of who they are. Everyone arrives confused. The confusion isn’t damage to be repaired before you can start – it’s the starting position. This reframes the disorientation of early recovery as the opening move rather than evidence that something has gone permanently wrong. The same reframe underpins post-traumatic growth in stroke recovery (https://recoveryafterstroke.com/post-traumatic-growth-stroke-recovery/). And Jaemin is firm that this is solvable – not managed, not coped with. Solvable. Because the inadequacy you’ve been protecting everyone from isn’t real. It’s a conclusion you drew as a child and have been gathering evidence for ever since. There is no monster under the bed. Only the idea of one. Where to Start Start by being precise. When you catch yourself saying I lost my confidence, ask what you actually mean. Confidence at what? In front of whom? What exactly are you afraid would be revealed? Abstract language hides the levers. Precise language shows you where they are. Closing Links If this episode is useful to you, Bill’s book The Unexpected Way That A Stroke Became The Best Thing That Happened covers ten tools for recovery and personal transformation – you can find it at https://recoveryafterstroke.com/book. If you would like one-on-one support with your own recovery, you can apply at https://recoveryafterstroke.com/momentum. If this show has helped you, you can support it at https://patreon.com/recoveryafterstroke. Footer Disclaimer This blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Please consult your doctor before making any changes to your health or recovery plan. Losing Confidence After Stroke – Jaemin Frazer (Interview) You don’t need your old life back. You need to trust yourself again – and Jaemin Frazer explains exactly why that feels impossible after stroke. Highlights: 00:00 Introduction – Losing Confidence After Stroke 08:54 Embracing Uncertainty and Personal Resourcefulness 20:43 The Role of Self-Doubt and Insecurity 38:26 Transformational Journeys: Overcoming Obstacles 46:14 The Hero’s Journey and Storytelling 52:07 Understanding Bullies and Personal Growth 59:21 The Role of Parents in Identity Formation 01:11:17 The Cost of Insecurity in Recovery 01:20:55 Finding Purpose Beyond Insecurity Transcript: Introduction – Losing Confidence After Stroke Jaemin (00:00) A stroke puts you into survival mode, and now you’ve got no resources to survive because all your best resources are directed elsewhere So then it costs you everything. It costs you your future. It costs you your ability to heal, to make sense of this, to come out the other side and reinvent or do whatever you need to be present for yourself. It’s a slow descent into madness really, if all your best resources are proving and defending, covering and compensating, then you stop being human, you stop being alive, you stop being present, you become hypervigilant around what others are thinking, and your world keeps getting smaller. Bill Gasiamis (00:35) Welcome back to Recovery After Stroke. I’m Bill Gasciamas. Before anything else, thank you to everyone supporting the show on Patreon, becoming a YouTube member, and to everyone supporting it in all other ways. Sharing episodes, leaving reviews, sending them to someone who needs them, buying the book. This show has reached over a million and a half downloads because of people doing exactly that. And I don’t take it for granted. If you’ve ever caught yourself saying, I just want to be who I was, this episode is going to sit with you for a while. My guest today is Jaemin Fraser. Jaemin is a coach, the founder of the Insecurity Project, a TEDx speaker, and as of this year, a novelist. He spent nearly two decades, around 16,000 coaching hours, on one problem. What happens to a person when they stop trusting themselves and what it costs them? Jaemin has not had a stroke. I want to be upfront about that because it’s the reason this conversation goes where it does. He came to it without any assumptions about what recovery is meant to look like. And what he brought instead is a very precise account of what happens to anyone whose ordered world falls apart overnight. We get into why wanting your odd life back is really a request for certainty. The difference between self-doubt, which is useful, and insecurity, which isn’t, why insecurity draws down the exact energy your brain needs to heal. What’s really going on when friends push back on your habits and why being lost and confused isn’t the tragedy, it’s the setup. Three quick things before we start, my book, The Unexpected Way That a Stroke Became the Best Thing That Happened, covers ten tools for recovery and personal transformation. It’s available at recoveryafterstroke.com/book. If you’d like one-on-one support with your own recovery, I walk I work with a small number of stroke survivors at a time. Structure, accountability, and genuine guidance from someone who’s been through it, you can apply at recoveryafterstroke.com/momentum. And if this show has helped you and you want to help me get to a thousand episodes, you can support it either as a YouTube member or by going to patreon.com/recoveryafterstroke. I want to make sure that No strike survivor. has to ever go through what I went through when I first started my recovery, and that was not having any information about how to proceed after I got sent home from hospital. Now it’s time for the interview. Bill Gasiamis (03:14) Jaemin Fraser, welcome to the podcast. Jaemin (03:15) Thanks for having me, Bill. Bill Gasiamis (03:17) Absolute pleasure, mate. I wanted to ask, actually I want to start with the person listening. They’re anywhere from six weeks to twenty years post stroke, right? and what they say is they want to be back to their old life. In your experience, when someone says, I just want to be who I was, what are they actually asking for? Jaemin (03:39) Hmm, well, I think they’re looking for certainty. They’re looking for comfort. They’re looking for safety. Yeah, they’re looking through rose colored glasses in many ways because no one’s life was perfect before anything. So the fantasy of if I could go back to where I was, it deletes a whole bunch of stuff around the reality of where you were in the first place. But I think that the desire is it’s certainty, safety, peace, comfort. That’s what a person is driven to find some way or other. Bill Gasiamis (04:16) W what do you think it is about certainty? A and what does that even mean? Like I There was, you know, before my experience with stroke, there wasn’t anything that was certain. Is it an illusion? Is certainty an illusion? Because I definitely don’t feel certain about anything going forward either. but kind of not in a bad way. Like I don’t have a bad relationship with the lack of certainty. It’s just. It i it’s just not real. Like I feel like it might be an illusion. Jaemin (04:53) Well, I love Anthony Robbins take on this. I think his six core needs model is his finest contribution to the personal development space and his earliest versions of this, because I think if you were to do a search, Tony Robbins six core needs, what you’re going to get today is an idea that there’s a hierarchy of needs. So you could do a test to work out which needs are most important for you based on your personality type. That’s not how we first introduced them. And I am convinced it’s not actually how it works. So just a quick summary. He says, doesn’t matter what age, what sex, what culture, what stage of life, because you’re human, just as important as food, shelter, clothing is the need for certainty. Firstly, we are creatures who do not survive in chaos. We need some sense of control, order. We thrive in the familiar. We need a sense of what’s happening next. So we organize ourselves and we find certainty. We cannot survive without it. Interestingly though, we also need uncertainty. these six needs operate in paradox. Piers, are you familiar with the six core needs? Bill Gasiamis (06:07) I’m not actually. Jaemin (06:08) and variety is the first two and they operate in paradox pairs. So certainty pulls you one way, but we also need variety. If you have 100 % certainty, you’re completely bored and Bill Gasiamis (06:18) Uh-huh. Jaemin (06:19) you would ruin things. You’d mess it up so that there would be something to do. So we need uncertainty, surprise, spontaneity, adventure. But if you have 100 Bill Gasiamis (06:30) You’d mess it up i is is is messing it up because you need uncertainty, is that that sounds like like self sabotage. Jaemin (06:41) Well, it is if it’s unresourceful. is if you haven’t, I mean, the aim of the game is to find high quality internal resource, ways to meet these needs. If you don’t find that, then unconsciously, you’ll still find a way to meet these needs and it will be through sabotage, dysfunction, know. So certainty and variety are the first two. The second two are significance and love. So all humans need a sense of significance, need to know, I matter? Am I more than just a name and number? Do I have value? Is there any point to me? Now that’s a journey away from the tribe because we’re also relational beings. So we don’t survive in isolation. We need love, belonging, connection, warmth, touch. So if you have 100 % love and connection, you lose your separateness. And if you have 100 % significance, then you’re completely lonely and isolated. But we do need both. Embracing Uncertainty and Personal Resourcefulness So certainty, variety, significance, love, and then the final two are contribution and growth. So humans do feel the need to make a difference, add value, give back, leave a legacy, solve problems. So contribution is about adding value to others. And then growth is adding value to yourselves, to ourselves. Every living thing grows, you either grow or die. So this is the need that drives us to do more, to have more, to see more, to expand our experience. one way shape or another. it’s a strange thing to need certainty back to certainty. It’s a strange thing to need certainty for survival in an uncertain world because you then can’t help but cling to things that aren’t really certain and try and control them. Cling to a job you don’t like, cling to a memory that feels familiar, cling to a relationship that’s dysfunctional. cling to stuff that you know, because it makes you feel certain and makes you feel safe. There’s a predictability around it. What you’re describing is not that you’ve done away with the need for certainty. It’s that you have a certainty in your ability to handle the real world. So you don’t need to cling to things being a certain way. You don’t need to force things to be back the way they were. You’re like, that’s ridiculous. Here I am now and I’m certain. that I am a resourceful person, a creative person, a good person, a clever person, I’ll work it out. The real world will happen to me. I’ll wake up, I’ll open my eyes and I’ll handle it. That’s what I’m certain about. So the most resourceful form of certainty is to embrace uncertainty and back yourself. Bill Gasiamis (09:26) To be certain about uncertainty. Jaemin (09:28) There be certain uncertainty. That is the only certainty. It’s, you there’s you think, what is certain? well, the sun’s going to come up tomorrow. For some people, it’s not. Some people, this will be the last sunrise they ever see. No one’s expecting that, but it happens. So we’re not entitled to any more time, any more opportunity. That’s not certain. It’s not guaranteed. So yeah, the only certainty is it’s all uncertain. So then you must find certainty within, and that will require you to examine your own. your your capability, your own resourcefulness and to grow up and mature in your own sense of who you really are. Bill Gasiamis (10:06) Yeah. I have this saying that I picked up from somewhere. Some dude in the Middle East, like I think in the 40s or 50s, said this thing. I forget his name. I I always wanted to remember his name so I can give him credit, but it goes like exp expect the best, prepare for the worst. And it kind of feels like that’s how I handled my uncertainty when, you know, the doctor turns up day one. Of a bleed in the brain diagnosis and says, gives you the most vague version of the diagnosis and said to me, there’s a shadow on your brain. It could be a cancer, it could be a sea it could be a tumor that’s benign, it could be a bleed in the brain. Like, any questions? And I was like, Well. Jaemin (10:57) There’s a few. Bill Gasiamis (11:01) I don’t know, at eleven PM on a Friday night. Maybe not. Let’s talk in the morning. but it’s like And then after that came a lot of uncertainty. We didn’t know what a family life was gonna be like. We didn’t like know what my work life was gonna be like. We didn’t know whether I’d be around. We didn’t know any of the things that I kind of knew the day before, which I took for granted that I knew, which was only that w without knowing that there’s something wrong in my head and that potentially I’m unwell, I knew that. Tomorrow was going to be pretty much the same as yesterday. And there’s going to be some movement in a couple of similar directions, maybe a few odd ones and different ones. And I suppose that expect the best prepare for the worst was me embracing uncertainty, the certainty of uncertainty. Does that saying kind of capture that spirit? Jaemin (12:03) It certainly does. However, the challenge is no surprise. I’m going to talk about insecurity being a challenge because then it comes back to them. But then what do you believe about yourself? You know, do you feel like you’re actually up for the challenge? Do you have the resourcefulness? What is the story you tell around your own capacity, your capability, your intelligence, your value? Because to fear inadequacy then undermines your confidence in your own ability to handle the real world. And therefore you must then cling to external certainty and long for things to go back the way they were so that you can be safe. Because you don’t trust yourself to be up for the challenge. Bill Gasiamis (12:50) Yeah. It’s a real interesting conundrum because before I was unwell I didn’t contemplate life, me and how I interact with life or the possibility of nail life. I didn’t I didn’t contemplate that whole relationship and then you’re thrust in it and it seems like people that I’ve interviewed at least the four hundred odd stroke survivors that I’ve interviewed have not got the resources backfilled in preparation for when that day comes, and then you feel inadequate, insecure, perhaps, whatever the word is, that you can even handle this. I’ve never met anyone who said, I know, I was 100% certain that I was going to handle this diagnosis from my doctors. Can you prepare for the worst? Like that whole going back to that statement again, that saying, is there a way that we can even prepare for the worst when we don’t even know what the worst is? Is it even is it sounds like it might be might be a futile pursuit? Jaemin (14:07) Whoa. I I think you and I here today are doing that exact thing, you know, with internal resourcefulness. We don’t know what tomorrow is bringing. So in some ways we are certain in our capacity to, you know, hope for the best, prepare for the worst. So that’s not futile. I don’t consider that futile at all. And I think that is the only job is to resource yourself for the real world, is to grow up, is to become mature. The way that I think about that is self-sufficiency. You when you’re young, you’re growing through stages of development and really learning self-sufficiency. Can you feed yourself? Can you dress yourself? Can you learn yourself? Can you drive a car? Can you earn money? And they’re all the things, physical, financial, self-sufficiency, but people are… seem, you know, it’s see when it comes to emotional, intellectual, psychological self sufficiencies, like what is that? How does that even work? And so they come into their adult world, being able to earn money, being able to drive a car, out, address themselves, you know, wipe their own ass. Great. But when it comes to validating their own existence, when it comes to sourcing their own certainty, when it comes to deeply loving and accepting themselves, when it comes to being the one that approves of themselves, that sees themselves. you know, adults are typically ill prepared for that, you know, stroke Bill Gasiamis (15:38) Mm-hmm. Jaemin (15:38) or no stroke. And so, you know, you know, we’re talking about when a stroke happens, but people have all kinds of catastrophes they’re not prepared for, you know, and things are fine because their ordered world is safe and predictable. And then next day it’s not. And they look inside and they’ve never developed the resources, the internal resources of adulthood that helps them stand solid when the world is falling around apart. about them. you know, primarily that is the work of the insecurity project. It’s these conversations around existential angst, which people don’t prepare for because their world’s ordered. But when your world falls apart, then you really see how unprepared you are to handle difficulty and the worst case scenario if you have not examined your own sense of who you are. Bill Gasiamis (16:29) Mm-hmm. The world being ordered, it can be ordered in a dysfunctional way as well, right? Jaemin (16:39) Well, that’s, yes, that’s exactly what happens because we need certainty. I love thinking about these six core needs as a vacuum. In our atmosphere, a vacuum is always filled. So someone says to me, I don’t need that much certainty. You know, I’m more of a risk taker, I’m adventurous, or they might, someone else might be the opposite. I need so much certainty, I’m very risk averse. you know, someone looks at one of my clients recently looked at me and says, you’re a free spirit. You’re adventurous. It’s different. It’s different from me. You know, I’m very analytical. I’m risk averse. I’m safety conscious. But if you zoom out and have a look at both of us, I need just as much certainty as that person. Exactly. I can’t survive without certainty. I can’t survive without order. It’s just that I’ve found a high quality, internal adult way to order my world so that I have internal safety. which then frees me to go into the world and experience uncertainty and play. Whereas this other person has not found an internal way to create order. So they’re clinging to all the dysfunctional external forms of order. Hate their Bill Gasiamis (17:47) Wow. Jaemin (17:47) job, relationships falling apart, don’t like their relationship with money, know, problems here, difficulties there, but it’s familiar. So I better cling to it because I know it. There you go, there’s some certainty for you. Bill Gasiamis (18:03) I love what you said, like that internal sense of certainty Jaemin (18:06) Hmm Bill Gasiamis (18:07) seems to be the biggest l skill lacking in many, many people. If you have internal sense of certainty, then you don’t have to control the outside world. You put the dishwasher plate in the wrong direction. You know, when we loaded the dishwasher, y this might be revealing. you park the car in the wrong bay, or you know, all these little things that people kind of cling to to make their world feel right if they see it like that. If everyone just did the task the way that they needed to do it, then I wouldn’t have a problem, right? But if you have internal certainty and you can be more flexible, I think Tony Robbins talks about being having multiple ways to be to be. being more flexible, then you realize that there are infinite number of ways that things can be loaded into a dishwasher, for example, even though there are certainly some ways that won’t be able to wash the dishes effectively, perhaps, but there are many ways, and the other person’s ways not necessarily the wrong way or the odd way or or the incorrect way, right? Jaemin (19:30) Yeah. Bill Gasiamis (19:31) I think I resonate with that immediately, that internal sense of certainty. And then the external world becomes easier to navigate. Is that is that Jaemin (19:44) Well, does because then play becomes possible and you don’t need things to be anything other than they are, know, good, bad or indifferent. You have an experience that looks terrible. Well, are you sure it’s terrible? Or could there be learning? Could there be a gift? Could there be an opportunity? Might you meet someone? Might your life change in an unexpected way? Like who’s to say a bad experience is actually a bad experience if you’re free to encounter it as it is. The Role of Self-Doubt and Insecurity That’s what becomes possible if you have internal safety and that you do back yourself to handle that. And I think it’s an abstract concept for most people because they’ve never faced their fear of their deep inadequacy. And so it’s always undermined. They would love to take internal certainty, but their conviction, if they’re really honest, and it’s hard to be honest, because this stuff gets pretty well suppressed. Their honest fear is that there is a problem with them. There is an inadequacy. They are not up to the challenge. So if they rely on themselves, they will be found lacking and wanting. So therefore they must look outside themselves. That’s their only option. Bill Gasiamis (20:53) Got it. You’ve worked with high performers for hundreds and maybe thousands of hours, right? if one of them walked into you into a meeting with you and said, I had a stroke and I lost my confidence, what what’s the first thing you ask them? Jaemin (21:15) What do you mean? That would be the first thing that I asked them. I understand a little about a stroke. think I would understand enough about that part of the sentence, but I’m more curious around the second part of the sentence. I love Jordan Peterson’s thinking in so many ways. And he says, listen, be precise in your speech because things that go unnamed become monsters that consume you. So that would be where I would start. What do you mean I lost this happened and that made me do this? Are you sure? That’s how it actually worked. What do you mean? Let’s have a look. Let’s have a look. So that’s my whole world is someone comes to me with a level of abstraction. They use language that’s abstract. And when you use abstract language, you cannot see any of the levers that can be pulled. And so you end up feeling hopeless and overwhelmed. When you be precise, when you have a look, you actually begin to see the mechanics, the structures that are actually influencing your experience. And when you see them precisely, the levers become apparent, like, I could actually adjust that. I could turn this, I could change this. Therefore now I’m back in control of my own experience of my reality. So yeah, that’s where I say, what do you mean? What are you talking about exactly? Bill Gasiamis (22:37) I love that. It’s it reminds me of when I hear the word the one of the most common words I hear in my interview, stroke recovery, stroke conversations. And I I’m specifically talking about stroke because that’s my niche, right? That’s my audience, that’s the podcast. But I know this is a situation kind of that I experience also broadly outside of my stroke podcast world. my children, others that I come across is I hear the word depression and anxiety. And it’s an umbrella word that people place on so many experiences and nobody ever even really knows if if I challenge if I have the permission and and I’m in a room with the right person to challenge them and ask them, well, do you do you know what the definition of depression is? And do you know what the definition of anxiety is? Nobody can really give you that. And they’ve taken a word and they apply it to an experience that may have been completely separate from the intended definition of a word like depression and anxiety. And I I kind of feel like that’s what you’re saying. Like somebody says, I’m I’m depressed, like, okay, like, why? How? How do you know that? Jaemin (24:00) It’s exactly anxiety is a great story because I go, well, hang on. How did you, how are you anxious? And anxiety requires a backstory to survive. So I’m curious, you know, are you anxious tying your shoes? No. how do you do not anxiety? Well, I don’t know. No one cares. I can’t fail. I’ve done it a million times. there you go. That’s interesting. So the, the areas that you are not anxious about, there’s no possibility of being found inadequate. Curious. So the areas you are anxious, you’re only anxious because there’s something about the activity you’re involved in, which you feel threatened, personally threatened that someone might see your flaw. So let’s not worry about the anxiety, it’s downstream. Tell me about this perceived flaw. Tell me about this thing that you think is wrong with you. Are you sure that’s even there? The great humor of my work in the same as what you’re saying, know, insecurity. Talking about fear, my first question to people, what are you afraid of? And no one knows. People are experiencing fear. They can tell you that much. So what you’re running and hiding, but what are you running and hiding from? yeah, it’s just this, you know, I just feel so, like, okay, interesting. So you’re running and hiding. What about if we go and have a look at what it is you’re running and hiding from? You might be surprised. In fact, You will be surprised. promise you it’s not what you think it is. And you’ve just been running and hiding for so long. You’ve just become convinced that there’s a thing here that you ought to keep running and hiding from. I’m not so sure. Bill Gasiamis (25:41) Yeah. That what are you afraid of? That’s a very interesting question. Again, you know, I find myself in the hot seat here. And every time I ventured down something new, it was interesting now ’cause I’m reflecting like how often insecurity came up. You know, the first few episodes of the podcast were, my God, people are going to judge it, they’re gonna say it’s no good, you don’t know how to interview, all that kind of stuff. And the the best thing to do was just put it out there. And if somebody did say that was handle it. And if somebody didn’t say that, well then there was nothing to handle. So just do it anyway. And I remember then also with my book, I’m not an author. I did I’m not a scholar. I’ve never done any of that stuff. But I wrote my first book, The Unexpected Way That a Stroke Became the Best Thing That Happened. It’s a pretty loaded title. And I knew it was gonna ruffle some feathers. But I put it out there and the very first comment that I got from the very first post that I made was a negative one. And what I realized was that pattern was similar in that when I started the podcast, I had the exact same concern that it might happen and it did. People did give me negative feedback. But then it seems to me now now that I’ve learnt a few times, you know, what happens when you put yourself out there for the first time when you tell the world this is what I’ve created, you know, I’m sharing my creation is part of the journey has to be something that’s gonna test your insecurity. It might not be a negative comment or so but it but it might be like bad sales or it might be nobody listens or whatever. So it sounds like insecurity is necessary in some cases to kind of overcome, to tackle it, to overcome it, so that you can be better at tackling it and overcoming it and achieve more things. Do you know what I’m saying? Did I explain that correctly? Jaemin (27:54) Yeah, I think I understand. I don’t think I agree with you though. Bill Gasiamis (27:58) Okay. Jaemin (27:59) So here’s how I’d think about it. I’d separate self-doubt and insecurity into slightly different categories. Bill Gasiamis (28:07) Okay, so you picked up self doubt there. Jaemin (28:10) So, so self doubts are really important quality of wisdom. So for instance, I’ve got a mate who races super bikes, you know, say he got injured this weekend and he says, Jaemin, you know, there’s still four rounds left. Can you sub in for me and race my super bike next week? And I’m like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I’ve never raced a super bike before. I do have a motorbike license, but you know, if I didn’t have severe self doubt, I’d be delusional. I’d be a crazy person and I would be, you know, dangerous to myself and the world. So self doubt doesn’t, doesn’t tell me I’m a bad person. It just highlights the limit of the things I’m good at. So, so the real function of self doubt to me is more what you’re describing. It’s, it’s the limit says, you’re not actually very good at this. Now that doesn’t say anything about your essence, your value and your worth. Would you like to be good at this? And I go. Actually, no, great. Well, then don’t do it. Don’t do it because it’ll go bad. I’m like, Yeah, I’d actually like to be good at it. excellent. Well, you have a massive skill gap. So go take however long to learn the skills and fill the skills so that you can come back with genuine confidence with earn confidence so that you could compete in this arena and do well. That’s that’s a wisdom conversation. Now insecurity is this personal piece. It’s like, I’m gonna put myself out there. people are gonna judge, laugh, critique, and then they’ll see who I really am. They will see my flaws, my flaws, my inadequacies will now be exposed to the world. Now it’s personal. And so to me, the definition of insecurity is really important here because people think insecurity is somehow related to the fear of what others think about them, the fear of being judged, the fear of failing, the fear of being rejected. Bill Gasiamis (30:04) Hmm. Right. Jaemin (30:05) Really imprecise. That’s not that’s not insecure at all. It’s just one or two levels deeper than that. You know, say for instance, the fear of failure, which is a typical one. And no one’s actually afraid of failing. They’re afraid of the personal implications of failure. I if I try my best at something, and then it doesn’t work. Huh? What have I just revealed to the world about me the problem with me? Same as rejection. No one’s actually afraid of being rejected. They’re afraid of, if I put my best foot forward and it’s not enough, and then people don’t accept me, huh, what does that reveal? What does that prove? What does that confirm about my own inadequacy? So then insecure. Bill Gasiamis (30:47) about what I about what I think are my inadequacies. Because it’s not about the other Jaemin (30:50) Exactly, that’s insecurity. Insecurity is… Bill Gasiamis (30:53) person’s thinking, it’s me, what I think, and then they’re confirming my inadequacy that I’ve Jaemin (30:56) confirming it. That’s it. That’s it. Bill Gasiamis (30:58) generated and created, which is not even real. Jaemin (31:01) That’s exactly right. That’s the thing, which is hilarious. But when you see that now the levers become apparent, because if the fear is out there, then you got to control the world constantly and obsess about it. But if the fear is here and you created it, then the levers are very apparent. You could then go examine this perceived inadequacy, trace it back to when you first described it and examine it at its roots. Like you could go on a structural engineering quest back into the the substance of your own sense of you, the language you’ve used to describe yourself and check it, check it for integrity, check it for gaps, check it for misunderstandings. Like that’s the fun of what I get to do. It’s take what appears to be abstract, mysterious, messy, unknowable and treat it like a structural engineer just by examining the structure of language. Bill Gasiamis (31:57) People don’t do that much, do they? Jaemin (31:59) No, no, no. And people are insecure about being insecure. So like when I launched the insecurity project, my business coach said, that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard. Like you’ve picked the most difficult, scary topic and put it at the front. No one’s going to be putting their hands up saying, Jay, when I’m insecure, can you help me? Like it’s existential angst. It’s the human condition. We want to be good. We’re just afraid that we’re not. So we run and we hide and we cover and compensate. So yeah, it’s a hard topic to face and yet the great joke is there’s no actual reason for it to be hard other than the confirmation bias we’ve given ourselves buying into our own bullshit, confirming our own fiction, exasperating our own misunderstanding. So there is no monster under the bed. It’s just the idea of a monster that terrifies us. Bill Gasiamis (32:55) we influenced in that way by external sources or is that a a human a human thing like that that we are kind of pre-programmed to do just because of that whole safety issue because you know safety comes in in a variety of different things. You know, you have to be safe from people entering your home, you know, back in the day and harming you and your family and taking your belongings. If you’re in a war torn area, you have to be safe from, you know, the invaders and that kind of stuff. But also this discussion that we’re having seems to me, as you keep going into those little beautiful deep places, it seems to me that Again, it’s about us creating like many barriers of safety around us and thinking that that’s the perhaps not even thinking like in just instinctively creating this kind of like multi layered safe structure that we can’t be harmed in. Jaemin (34:06) brilliant way of describing it. And that is the instinct. We are hardwired for safety. You cannot like this idea, more courage, less fear, feel the fear and do it anyway. It’s such a nonsense as though you could turn off your need for safety. Bill Gasiamis (34:20) Mm-hmm. Jaemin (34:21) It’s chemical, it’s biological, it’s psychological, it’s unconscious. And that as the child, the child starts in a very carefree, non-transactional experience of being themselves. I’m just here, not. doing the dishes and not mowing the lawn and not contributing to my ecosystem in any way, shape or form. And yet I’m being rewarded, loved, nurtured, cared for, praised, fed. Hmm, turns out it’s fine to be me. I can be relaxed and at ease being me, me as I am without performing, without achieving, without contributing is enough. Great. And then, then you, you know, you get somewhere past two, you know, somewhere around that the game breaks down. And all of a sudden you’re expected to participate, to perform, to conform, to behave. And no child’s prepared for that. No one’s ready for that. Such a surprise. And so the first time the child gets surprised, embarrassed, disappointed, upset, scolded, it’s such a confusing experience, but all the alarm, those safety warning lights are going off through their whole being. There’s a danger you didn’t know about. You. must pay attention and here’s the thing the danger is in you the danger is you’re not who you need to be to survive in this world so don’t be you ever again like be other than you be better than you be different than you do not ever show up present and unguarded ever again or it will turn to shit so yes it’s safe so then you build this safe world this safe persona these safe structures these familiar places where people think you’re good, think you’re smart, think you’re strong. Also, they never see the thing that you don’t want them to see, which would be the ultimate danger and then you die. Yeah, it’s entirely about a biological, chemical, psychological need for safety that is unavoidable. Bill Gasiamis (36:21) Hmm. It what came up in my mind while you were chatting about that is often stroke survivors need to make some radical changes in their life, the way they go about their nutrition, who they hang out with, the stuff they listen to and read, the whole the whole thing. Like, know, it’s sometimes it’s a line in the sand moment and everything changes, and you’ve got to change everything I did. And One of the challenges that stroke survivors have, well, I’ll talk about me. I had the challenge of, well, I needed to stop smoking and I needed to stop drinking. But all my extended family and friends were smokers and drinkers. And stroke survivors often comment about how they lose friends after a stroke. And we’re I and I’ve kind of tried to unravel that a few times and understand what it is that makes it difficult for people to evolve and and adapt and grow and stop the behaviors that perhaps led to a stroke, you know, so that they don’t have another one. And family and friends often do that. They kind of intervene in a way which says, Well, what do you mean we can’t have a drink when we go out? Like that’s we always go and have a drink. And then that person has has to explain themselves, perhaps, or conform again, just to be part of the group. The question is, are we also dealing with the insecurities of our family and friends when we find a way to overcome our own insecurities, perhaps, about something, and then we start to change and evolve and move forward? Are they are those people feeling like Transformational Journeys: Overcoming Obstacles They’re left behind. Th sometimes the sometimes the sentences that people hear when they try and stop smoking or drinking in a particular situation are you’ve changed. You know, like it’s a bad thing. But it’s not said in a positive way. People experience it on both sides of the coin in a negative way. The person who’s saying to their friend who’s had a stroke, who’s trying to not have another one, is saying, You’ve changed and I don’t like the way you’ve changed. And the person changing is hearing I’m changing and now people are having a bad experience because I’m changing. Like What’s all that about with that other person in our life? Jaemin (38:59) Such a great question. Can I, genuine question, can I take five minutes to answer that question? Bill Gasiamis (39:07) You can, absolutely. Jaemin (39:09) because I think this opens up a possibility for a window into a whole different experience of life if you’re willing to go down this thought experiment. Bill Gasiamis (39:23) I am. Let me switch my header off. It’s getting too hot in here. Jaemin (39:31) So I’ve just finished writing my first novel. It’s a five year project. I thought it was impossible. And then it out it wasn’t. It turns out I learned a lot about myself and the process of writing. And it’s been a thoroughly delightful experience. But great storytelling, great fiction writing typically follows some kind of hero’s journey trajectory. You’ve got a small, weak, lost, strange hero who for whatever reason says yes to a cold wood venture and embarks on a journey of self-discovery and eventually has to go do the thing that only they can do along the way they meet a wisdom character. You know, there’s a Gandalf, there’s a Yoda, there’s a Dumbledore, Mr. Miyagi, but eventually the hero’s got to go face the biggest fear and do the thing that’s impossible. And when they do, they come out the other side transformed and then they return home with that transformation and their whole world benefits. So, so it is the process of transformation. It’s the process of potential. It’s the process of destiny. It’s the process of seeing a person fulfilled in their experience of themselves. So a writer is bringing you in, in along for that journey. Now, if the writer transforms the hero magically or supernaturally, it’s a horrible story. You know, if the writer goes, you know, here’s the weak person. They went to sleep and they woke up the next day transformed. Who knows what happened. It was just, you’re like, really? What’s the point of that story? Like, that’s a horrible story. If the transformation happens in a way that’s supernatural or magic, it’s false. The transformation happens through overcoming of obstacles. The weakling becomes strong by overcoming resistance. And the resistance is almost always through the form of characters. So the writer says, stage, write the bully and to stage, write the villain, the parent, the trickster, the joker, the judge, the king, like, and so the hero doesn’t know the story is being written about them. And so experiences all these characters very personally and wishes the characters would go away. But the audience kind of sees the gift in the character, sees the opportunity. You know, when the audience sees a bully harassing a victim, what the audience is rooting for is that the victim would rise up and punch the bully in the nose. And something transformational happens if that victim ever does, you know, they actually then receive the bully’s gift. All along the bully had this gift of personal power delivered in the form of oppression. And because the victim had to find such deep strength that they didn’t even know existed to rise up and finally say this ends here, they’ll never be the victim again. And so in that way they’re transformed. So you could make a case to go, thanks, bully for being a good bully because you made my life so hard. I didn’t think it was possible to overcome you. Thank you. It’s not personal. So a writer then is not going to write an empathetic bully, you know, a very emotionally intelligent, compassionate, they’re going to write a thug. They’re going to write a dullard. They’re going to write someone who’s big and does not change. And even though the, the hero wants to bully the change. If the bully changes, if the bully goes to a spiritual retreat and comes home and change man and then apologizes and makes it up to the victim, it’s kind of nice, but the audience is going, but the victim didn’t have to become stronger in any way. So they’re still just as strong and the next bully is coming and they’re no better prepared. So all that to say, love, I love treating our own lives like this hero’s journey story. I love gamifying the experience. I love going. You know, this insecurity, a lot of people think if only I had a different experience at childhood, then I wouldn’t be so insecure now. If only there weren’t so many difficult people blocking my path, then it would be easier for me. Like, what, do you mean? Like that’s, that’s not the tragedy. That’s the setup. That’s how the game begins. Like that’s how the tensions created so that you have a gift of being able to overcome. So these people exist for you. And yes, they’re in your way. Great. Yes, they’re making it hard. Perfect. But we only play hard games. Like if you’re, you’re playing footy and it’s, you know, last year’s premieres versus the under 10s girls side and you win, you, that’s a very embarrassing experience. Like you don’t eat. That’s a horrible thing. You, know, this year’s premieres, you know, sorry, last year’s premieres versus the team that’s got undefeated this year and you win that game. You know, that’s, that’s a meaningful experience. and yeah, I love this idea that everyone comes into their twenties and thirties lost and confused. And most people are really upset about that. Wishing that their experience up till then had been different and feeling disqualified from a meaningful life because of what’s happened, because of who said this and who’s done that. But if you just zoom out and say it like a hero’s journey or a beautiful game, then then you realize, no, no, no, being lost and confused, oppressed, you know, that doesn’t disqualify you. That’s what qualifies you to go play. Now you can begin, now you can begin this journey of self-discovery to go all the way back to the beginning and see who you’ve always been all along. So it’s a very different way of thinking about life, but I’m constantly confronted with people who treat the stuff that’s happened to them as wounds. And the best you could ever hope for is that eventually you could bring healing to yourself and it become a visible scar that doesn’t really afflict you. Whereas this says, yeah, what if those things, what if life doesn’t happen to you? It happens for you. And the real gift is your own opportunity to rediscover who you’ve always been by overcoming obstacles and especially in the form of people and especially in the form of insecure people. who of course are going to make your journey difficult. Of course, you know, not everyone’s cheering you on. Eventually the heroes got to go alone. Eventually they’ve got to. If they don’t go alone, then they can’t do the thing that only they can do. The Hero’s Journey and Storytelling Bill Gasiamis (46:01) Yeah. Man, that was well well worth the f the the time that you allocated to answer it because it’s such an important part of recovery after anything. and In fact, I learnt about the Heroes Journey after my brain surgery. So we’re talking about I don’t know. I think I got out of hospital for after brain surgery in late 2014. And I think it was around 2017 I did a particular course that I was in. It was a behavioral modeling course and it was about modeling a behavior that we thought was one worth other people learning and repeating. And the The person who was running the course, awesome friend of mine and mentor and teacher, a gentleman called Marvin Oka, he spoke about the hero’s journey as part of this course to teach us about like how to tell a story. And I hadn’t grasped the concept very well. but because of that course, my first book was able to become a reality. It took four years for me to. make that happen. And I released it in twenty twenty twenty three, somewhere there. And since then I’ve done a bit of a deep dive into the hero’s journey and understanding how to take people through a story. And my next book is structured that way. There’s a moment where life is quote unquote normal and then there’s an event and then there’s everything, you know, there’s been a spanner thrown in the works and everything is not like it used to be. And now there is this post-traumatic growth experience that you can go on. And if you know you’re going on it, it’s easier to go on it. But some people are not aware that they might be going on this journey. They’re just programmed from a previous way of doing life that these things are all terrible and bad and they’re not good. And there’s no growth and there’s no learning and there’s no opportunity. But there but there is, but we just framed it. in our past way of thinking and that’s not applicable now, even though we’re still trying to apply it, apply it, apply it. And what you said about the the bully, I remember at school, if if I was a victim, bullies used to seek me out like like a mosquito knows who to go and sting, right? Jaemin (48:40) Yeah Bill Gasiamis (48:42) But then the first bully I punched in the nose was was it. That was the key to unlocking the whole how other people perceived me in those types of situations. And then none of the bullies turned up to have a go because they weren’t gonna get or or perhaps they saw that my response was going to affect their insecurities about themselves. Right. and realistically when I was going through stroke, stopping smoking, stopping drinking, stopping attending the particular venues where smoking and drinking happened so that I can avoid smoking and drinking. It meant that certain people couldn’t associate with me anymore. And It’s not that they were bullies, but when I learnt how to manage that situation once, the others that now I that I now interact with don’t require us to interact in a way that includes smoking and drinking in a particular venue. We can have just as meaningful interactions without the smoking and drinking, without being in that venue, just being in a different location. Doing a different thing. And and there’s no n and and no one feels bad about that interaction. I don’t feel about bad about it because I’m not partaking in something that the other person wants me to partake in. And the other person’s not feeling bad because they’re partaking in something that I’m not partaking in. And we’re there for the same reason. We’re there for the catch up. We’re not there for the smoking and the drinking. Jaemin (50:26) Yeah, and that’s often the way when you break through an archetypal character, a bully is a great example. It’s not uncommon that there becomes a level of respect, a mutual respect post that violence or post the standing up for yourself. And it’s not unheard of that bullies and victims become friends and respect each other. And so there Bill Gasiamis (50:50) Mm. Jaemin (50:50) must become a line in the sandwich like, whatever it costs me, If I, you know, the smoking drinking example, if you never talked to me ever again, if you cannot, then that will be okay. But I cannot go here ever again. And I won’t and you cannot make me and I won’t be made. And so there it is. Great. That your audience is watching that cheering. Yes, transformed. Never be victim again. And then on the other side of that, it’s often surprising what happens in those relationships. And it’s not uncommon for mutual respect, even though It’s not guaranteed and you have to be willing to let go of it completely. Because yeah, the hero’s got to go alone. Bill Gasiamis (51:33) we we’re talking about it like, you know, you know, we’re kinda having a a t a philosophical conversation, an intellectual conversation. We’re doing all of this stuff. And I remember being literally on the football pitch fighting with a kid, and then once we’d thrown the punches and everyone had done what they had to do in that moment, it was are we are we done? All good? And and it was. We were done. And we were all good. And it was instinctive. Like I wasn’t even ten years old or eleven years old or something. And yeah, then we got along forever. Understanding Bullies and Personal Growth Jaemin (52:08) A quicker side, but on the very same thread, if you keep thinking about characters like archetypes, do you know the hardest, but the most exciting, the most wonderful and the most, the biggest opportunity that the person in your life or the people in your life to treat as characters, not the bullies, any idea what makes the top of my list in terms of the characters with the biggest opportunity for growth. Bill Gasiamis (52:39) Just I’m kinda drawn to say family, my family, but Jaemin (52:42) family and parents make the top of the list. And I think Bill Gasiamis (52:46) Yeah, right. Jaemin (52:47) Sigmund Freud’s greatest contribution was that the nest is the hardest challenge for the human to break free from the nest is number one. And all this function ultimately comes from the nest, the familial relationships, exerting unconscious pressures from the parent of the child and the child with the parent outliving their usefulness. And so But in the same way, like no victim when they’re being bullied wants to see it like an archer, like wants to say it like a gift. They want to be rescued or they want the bully to change. It’s impossible to face a bully. Same with the parents. It’s like, don’t understand. This is my dad. You don’t understand. Like it’s just, you know, blood is thicker than water. You got to be there for family. Like it’s just how it’s Bill Gasiamis (53:30) Mm. Jaemin (53:30) always been. The way my parents make me feel like no one wants that tension. and would hope that the tension just goes away. But if you see it like a great story, it provides the greatest opportunity for your own sovereignty. You know, the bully’s gift is personal power. The parent’s gift is sovereignty. Because when you were born into their world, it’s like you’re born into a kingdom, king and queen on the throne, and it’s their arbitrary rules. In this world, this is how we do it. You don’t like it, bugger off down the street. But here, you know, do this, don’t do that. Why, dad? Don’t ask why, just do what I say. So the parental relationship, parents are right even when they’re wrong. And that’s a really important distinction for the nature of those relationships. And so you are a subject inside a kingdom, their rules, their map of the world, their right, even when they’re wrong. And it’s incredibly hard to break free from that to create your own map of the world and Bill Gasiamis (54:29) Mm. Jaemin (54:29) for you to be the king. But if you see it like a setup and a game, well then, Freud says, you must live as though your father is dead. You must depose the king. So Bill Gasiamis (54:42) Mm. Jaemin (54:42) if the king gets off the throne, if the king bows down to you, if the king goes, you your map of the world now is better than my map of the world, your way of thinking is better than my way of thinking, then there’s no challenge, there’s no resistance to overcome. So my favorite way of describing the role of the parents then is actually, It’s not to love and support and empower. They might do all that, but their central function in the hero’s journey is to confuse you about who you really are. Bill Gasiamis (55:12) Wow. Jaemin (55:13) so that the game can begin. Like everyone comes into their 20s lost and confused and the primary confuses our parents because they impose their map of the world. They have their own sense of who you are and what you ought to do. And it doesn’t suit a single person to be born into the family they’re born into. And yet here you are having to adapt and fit in to a pre-existing ecosystem with rules, values, culture, and then you’re given that name. So it’s like, You are this, this is who you are. It’s like, no, it’s just a bit of Bill Gasiamis (55:46) Wow. Jaemin (55:47) language like Jaemin Fra- I’m not Jaemin Fraser. What do you mean? Like, I was born into a family and those words were put on me. That’s not who I am. And so the confusion of growing up thinking that’s exactly who I am, this is the limit of my experience of life. And I cling to this as my whole certainty. is so wonderful because it’s the ultimate resistance to break out of, to examine the structure of that, to examine the confusion and really go back and reparent yourself and really be the one who actually knows who you’ve always been and to nurture that into the real world and then to become sovereign. And you know you’re sovereign when you become the one who’s right, even when they’re wrong. So you’ve got friends and family saying, what do you mean? It’s not. You need to be able to have a smoke. got to be able to drink. That’s what everyone does. Not in my kingdom, we don’t. In my kingdom, Bill Gasiamis (56:39) Mm. Jaemin (56:39) we don’t smoke and we don’t drink. You’re an idiot. That’s stupid. Well, I’m the king and this is my sovereignty. And if you want to come play in my world, this is how it works. And so, so many people are faced with those challenges. Then they keep pulling back from the edge because of their relational cost, hoping, wishing the world would go easier on them. But if you see it like a story in a game, it’s like, it’s a setup. It’s all a setup. So you could be the one who unconfuses yourself by having to overcome the relational resistance in your world and discover who you’ve always been. Bill Gasiamis (57:15) And we know it innately because we’ve all had that dad, mom, whomever, like I did what I had to do when I was in your house. Now this is my house. Now they this is how it applies. If you don’t Jaemin (57:26) Yeah. Yeah. Bill Gasiamis (57:27) like it, you don’t like it. Like I’ve actually thrown my dad out of my house in my twenties, when we moved out because my wife and I got married and we had kids and whatever, and they’d come over and visit to see the grandkid. You know, my dad would do the whole over helicopter grandparenting, you know. You know, the kids cold or the kids this and the kids that, you know, we lived this with this kid twenty four hours a day, seven days a week for five, six years, you know, like we knew its needs, you know, my my son’s needs. And my dad just wouldn’t have it that we what we were saying wasn’t that we were saying was correct or was okay or was fine or whatever, you know, we were it was everythi
Finding Your Purpose When You Feel Lost: Fear of Failure, Self Doubt, Validation and Life DirectionAre you feeling lost in life, questioning your purpose, afraid of failure, or unsure what direction you should take next? This conversation explores finding your purpose, overcoming fear of failure, dealing with self doubt, and learning how to move forward when you don't have everything figured out.In this honest conversation, we talk about why so many people stay stuck while searching for their purpose instead of committing to the things they truly want to pursue. We discuss how fear of failure, fear of judgment, and the pressure to succeed can prevent you from taking action.We also talk about why failure is part of personal growth and why making a wrong decision does not mean you have failed at life. Sometimes you simply need to change direction, learn from the experience, and keep moving forward.One of the biggest topics in this conversation is external validation. Social media can make us feel like we constantly need other people's approval, likes, comments, or recognition to feel successful. But real growth can happen when you start building for yourself instead of building your life around an audience.This conversation is for anyone who feels stuck, overwhelmed, uncertain about their future, afraid to take a risk, or currently trying to figure out their next chapter.We talk about:Finding your purpose and callingHow to stop being afraid of failureOvercoming self doubtFear of judgmentTaking action instead of waiting for the perfect momentUnderstanding that failure can lead to successChanging direction when life doesn't go as plannedStopping the need for constant external validationBuilding a life for yourself instead of an audiencePersonal growth and self improvementFinding direction when you feel lostHaving the courage to pursue what you really wantIf you've been asking yourself, "What am I supposed to do with my life?" or "Am I on the right path?" this conversation is for you.Sometimes you aren't lost. You are simply afraid to take the next step.Watch the full conversation and share your thoughts in the comments: What is one thing fear has been stopping you from doing?#FindingYourPurpose #FearOfFailure #PersonalGrowth
Get AudioBooks for Free Best Self-improvement Motivation Break the Program: Dr. Bruce Lipton on Self-Doubt Break the mental patterns keeping you stuck with Dr. Bruce Lipton's powerful motivation. Overcome self-doubt, rewire your mindset, and unlock your potential. We Need Your Love & Support ❤️ Get 3 Audiobooks Free -
In this Huberman Lab Essentials episode, my guest Rick Rubin, world-renowned music producer and author of The Creative Act: A Way of Being, and I discuss how to access creativity by noticing ideas, trusting your taste and staying fully present with the work. Rick explains the phases of the creative process and how focus, disengagement, self-doubt, deadlines and meditation can support original work. We also explore perception, pro wrestling and why remaining open to uncertainty can help anyone create more authentically. Thank you to our sponsors AG1: https://drinkag1.com/huberman LMNT: https://drinklmnt.com/huberman Timestamps (00:00:00) Rick Rubin & Creativity (00:00:23) Creativity as a Dream or Cloud (00:01:53) Childhood, Openness & Originality (00:03:29) Trust Your Taste; Experiment, Don't Over-Explain (00:05:28) Announcement: Protocols Live Events (00:07:07) Creative Aperture & New Perspectives (00:07:48) External Feedback & Staying True to the Work (00:09:14) Finishing Creative Projects (00:10:35) Focus, Disengagement & the Subconscious (00:13:15) Sponsor: LMNT (00:15:04) Perception, Storytelling & Uncertainty (00:17:38) Pro Wrestling, Playfulness & Reality (00:18:59) Morning Routine & Receptivity (00:19:50) Four Phases of Creative Work; Deadlines (00:24:47) Sponsor: AG1 (00:26:08) Self-Doubt as a Creative Tool (00:27:05) Capturing Real Moments; Authenticity (00:28:10) Routines, Advice & Staying Open (00:29:45) Look for Clues; Belief & Attention (00:32:01) Staying Present in the Work (00:32:44) Meditation: Mantra, Breath & Awareness (00:34:42) Monroe Institute Surgical Support Series Disclaimer & Disclosures Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Are you an overachieving director, VP, or enterprise tech leader who has spent decades climbing the corporate ladder, yet feels an unshakeable urge to stop postponing the personal legacy projects that matter most? In this transparent guest conversation, host Billy Keels sits down with Rupinder Mangat—a veteran technology executive with over 30 years leading enterprise sales, business strategy, and global initiatives at industry titans like Gartner, IBM, and Microsoft. Rupinder shares her remarkable trajectory as a British expat transitioning into corporate America, revealing the exact moment a near-miss subway injury forced her to stop doubting her value, sign her voluntary retirement agreement, and embrace true schedule sovereignty. Discover how to transfer top-tier corporate assets like "influencing without authority" into independent assets, overcome the emotional friction of surrendering your company badge, and build a vibrant second-act venture that serves underserved professional communities entirely on your own terms.
So when self-doubt starts blowing through your brain like a leaf blower with a personal vendetta…press play.Before you listen, you've been listening to us and now it's our turn to listen to you!We want to hear from you. What topics would you like us to explore? What meditation do you need right now? Is there a story you'd like to share?Send us your thoughts, ideas, questions, or experiences at WDPFTpodcast@gmail.com.Your stories help shape this community, and they often inspire future episodes. And if you'd like to help our little podcast grow, don't forget to rate, review, subscribe, and share.Ever feel like everyone else knows exactly what they're doing while you're one awkward moment away from being exposed?Welcome to imposter syndrome.Imposter syndrome is that tiny little pip-squeak voice that convinces you that you're not qualified, don't belong, or haven't earned your place yet.In this guided meditation, you'll learn how to recognize self-doubt without letting it make your decisions and remember that growth doesn't require perfection.Because feeling uncertain doesn't mean you're unqualified.It means you're still growing. It means you're human.Send us Fan MailHow Yoga Changed My Life a PodcastSend Us Your Stories!If you have a story about how yoga, meditation, breath work, journaling, or movement changed your life, we want to hear from you! These podcasts are really about the same thing — how people move through the seasons of life they didn't plan for, and what helps them along the way.If you'd like to be on the show or share your story: Fill out our guest form or email us at yogachanged@gmail.com Follow us on TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@yogachangedFollow us on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/yogachanged/More info, go to https://howyogachangedmylife.comFor those who have reached out asking how to support Adrienne and her family during this time, click here to donate. There is absolutely no expectation—just sincere gratitude.The theme music for this episode, “Cenote Angelita”, was written and produced by Mar Abajo Rio AKA MAR Yoga Music. Dive deeper into this and other orig...
Looking for further guidance and support on ADHD Women's Wellbeing? Check out my workshop library here or search for any topic on the Podcast here. So many of us arrive at an ADHD diagnosis carrying years of shame, self-criticism and the quiet belief that something is fundamentally wrong with us. This episode is about what starts to shift when we finally have the right information. Welcome to this week's summer compilation. This one follows the journey from diagnosis to self-acceptance: the barriers so many of us still face in getting taken seriously, the practical tools that can help us quieten the inner critic, and a completely different way of seeing our ADHD traits, not as defects to fix, but as strengths that just need the right context and support. We hear from three guests across three different conversations. Vicki George, clinical nurse specialist and founder of The ADHD Nurse, on what the DIVA-5 assessment is really meant to be, why ADHD still carries more stigma than almost any other mental health condition, and how to advocate for yourself with a GP even when it feels uncomfortable. Cynthia Hammer, author of Living with Inattentive ADHD and founder of the Inattentive ADHD Coalition, on how understanding and accepting a diagnosis can bring more happiness even when the symptoms themselves haven't changed, and why replacing negative self-talk requires something to replace it with. And Hannah Miller, author of The Purpose Pursuit and host of The Purpose Pursuit Podcast, on what limiting beliefs actually are, how self-sabotage shows up for ADHD women, and her four-part framework for taking stock of where you are and finding your way forward. In this episode, we cover: What the DIVA-5 assessment is and why it should be a guided conversation, not a form you fill out alone Why ADHD diagnosis still carries more stigma than most other mental health conditions, and how unhelpful media headlines keep feeding that Why a GP cannot refuse to refer you for an ADHD assessment, and how to keep the appointment focused on that goal The challenges of titration and why finding the right medication is rarely a quick or straightforward process How understanding and accepting a diagnosis brought more happiness to the women Cynthia interviewed, even when their symptoms hadn't changed Why you can't simply get rid of a negative thought without replacing it with something else, and what that can look like in practice Why earlier diagnosis matters so much, and why girls with inattentive ADHD are still so frequently missed Hannah's four-part framework: taking stock, naming your strengths, identifying limiting behaviours and clarifying your values Why our traits are not defects, and how Clifton Strengths can help neurodivergent women begin to see themselves differently Why we don't have to be everything, and how leaning on others' strengths is part of thriving, not failing Timestamps: 00:00 - Welcome and introduction to this week's compilation 03:00 - Vicki George: what the DIVA-5 assessment is and why it matters 06:00 - Why the person being assessed is always believed over a parent or observer 08:00 - Why ADHD still carries more stigma than other mental health conditions 10:30 - How to advocate for yourself with a GP and what they can and can't do 13:00 - Titration, medication and why the process is so rarely straightforward 18:00 - Cynthia Hammer: how diagnosis brings happiness even when symptoms remain 21:00 - Interrupting negative self-talk and why replacement matters 24:00 - Why girls with inattentive ADHD are still being missed by standard tools 27:00 - Why whole-family screening matters when one person is diagnosed 30:00 - Hannah Miller: what happens when diagnosis collides with limiting beliefs 33:00 - The four-part framework: taking stock, strengths, limiting behaviors, values 36:00 - Why traits we've labelled as flaws can become our greatest strengths 39:00 - Clifton Strengths and why it works well for neurodivergent women 42:00 - We don't have to be everything, we just have to be good at something Links and Resources: Find my popular ADHD Women's Wellbeing workshops and resources on my website here. Follow the podcast on Instagram: @adhd_womenswellbeing_pod Get my book, The ADHD Women's Wellbeing Toolkit (also available in e-book and audiobook) here Join the More Yourself membership community here Visit Vicki George's website: theadhdnurse.co.uk Connect with Vicki George on Instagram Visit Cynthia Hammer's website: iadhd.org Connect with Cynthia Hammer on Instagram Get Cynthia Hammer's book: Living with Inattentive ADHD: Climbing the Circular Staircase of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Visit Cynthia's advocacy project: findtheadhdgirls.org Visit Hannah Miller's website: hellosidekick.co Connect with Hannah Miller on Instagram Get Hannah Miller's book: The Purpose Pursuit Listen to Hannah's podcast: The Purpose Pursuit Podcast Kate Moryoussef is a women's ADHD lifestyle and wellbeing coach and EFT practitioner who helps overwhelmed and unfulfilled newly diagnosed women with ADHD find more calm, balance, hope, health, compassion, creativity, and clarity. 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In this episode: visualizing your life of financial freedom, releasing unhelpful stories, cultivating mindfulness, envisioning what you wantEpisode SummaryThis guided meditation explores how the stories we tell ourselves shape the reality we experience. Adam Coelho invites you to settle the mind, bring your vision for financial freedom into awareness, and notice not only the life you're imagining after FI, but also the story you're carrying about whether that vision is possible. With kind curiosity, the practice helps you identify doubts, resistance, or limiting narratives — and gently choose the stories that move you toward the life you want.Resources & Books MentionedMindful FIRE Legends communityFI Life Jumpstart envisioning exercise
What happens when the life and identity you've known for decades suddenly begin to change? At 47, Carlene Marie found herself facing the end of a 25-year marriage, an empty nest, a return to the traditional workforce, and one enormous question: Who am I now? But Carlene was no stranger to starting again. After losing her father suddenly at 18, facing cancer at 34 while raising young children, and navigating other seasons of loss and uncertainty, she had already learned that reinvention rarely happens in one big, courageous leap. More often, it happens one small choice at a time. Maybe your age isn't evidence that it's too late. Maybe it's evidence that you're finally ready. In this episode of Age Slayers, Carlene and Traci talk about self-doubt, identity, nervous system regulation, and that uncomfortable "in-between" season when the woman you used to be no longer fits, but you aren't quite sure who you're becoming yet. Carlene also shares the four steps of her Compass Method® Connect, Calm, Curious, and Claim and why trying to force yourself to "think positive" isn't always the answer when fear and self-doubt take over. Today, Carlene is an author, keynote speaker, Master Mindpower Coach, happily remarried, and the author of the upcoming book Enough Already: Release Self-Doubt, Reclaim Your Worth, Remember Your Light. Social Media / Webpage info Website: https://carlenemarie.com/ Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/thecarlenemarie/ Facebook: tps://www.facebook.com/carlene.c.murray YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNry2Biqdhk
The Live for Yourself Revolution Podcast: Living toward greater health, wealth, and happiness
Fear isn't the problem, how we respond to it is.In this Fearless Friday episode, Dr. Benjamin Ritter walks through his book, Becoming Fearless: A Journey from Self-Doubt to Self-Mastery.This episode is part of an ongoing Fearless Friday series covering all 65 strategies from the book.If this resonates, you can find the full book on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3YwGBf1 or learn more at liveforyourselfconsulting.comDon't rush it. One strategy at a time.
She's Just Getting Started - Building a business you truly love!
Today is different. Today I simply speak life into all you business owners or business dreamers out there. This is for you. Because I know you can do this - and you're just getting started, my friend.
What if the reason you struggle to trust yourself as a practitioner has nothing to do with how intuitive you are - and everything to do with where you've been taught to look for answers? Jayne unpacks the three core reasons practitioners get stuck in the permission-seeking loop: outsourcing to the wrong sources (lineages, teachers, external systems), buying into the myth that more healing work = more self-trust, and learning in the wrong path to develop self-trust entirely. She reveals the Sacred Triangle - the relationship between theory, intuition, and spiritual wisdom that no single teacher can replicate for you - and shares the counterintuitive model that actually builds genuine practitioner authority: action first, self-trust fosters, understanding follows.BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING TO THIS EPISODE, YOUWILL DISCOVER:● The Sacred Triangle (theory, intuition, and spiritual wisdom in right relationship) is the missing piece that keeps practitioners stuck in cycles of asking external sources for answers. When all three points are in balance, you stop outsourcing your medicine to teachers and lineages - you unearth your own authentic way of working because you have direct access to all three sources of knowing simultaneously.● More healing work won't solve the self-doubt problem - and this is the controversial truth the spiritual industry doesn't often name. Self-doubt is part of being human and shows up for everyone (even the most experienced practitioners); what matters is stopping the belief that every moment of doubt means you're broken and need fixing.● Spirit-led work requires the reverse of conventional learning: action first, self-trust fosters, understanding follows. When you take action from within sacred space - grounded in the hollow bone state, in direct relationship with your guides and the energy itself - you experience directly that it works. Repeated lived experience builds genuine self-trust in a way no external teacher can manufacture.● No mentor can teach you beyond their own ceiling of self-trust and direct spiritual relationship. If they've been trained to rely on technique, that's what they'll teach; if they haven't built unmediated connection to spiritual wisdom, they can't show you how to build yours - which is why looking outside yourself for the answers perpetuates the cycle.And while you're here, I'd love to connect on Tiktok & Instagram @reikiredefined.Also, make sure to tag me in your stories @reikiredefined.Live lead & serve from the power of your own truth - Spirit-led Reiki Pathway: https://www.reikiredefined.com/spirit-led-reiki-pathway/Stop absorbing your clients' energy: https://www.reikiredefined.com/stop-absorbing-your-clients-energy/No cost non guru community with no hierarchy or all knowing behaviour: https://www.reikiredefined.com/free-community/Essays on power, ethics & authority: https://jaynegoodsir.substack.com/UNDILUTED (a weekly round up that encourages us to question what we've inherited, trust our direct experience, and remain curious about what we know to be true): https://reiki-redefined.kit.com/6629991732
In this episode of The Career Refresh, Jill Griffin breaks down the hidden cost of comparison at work—and how to replace assumptions with evidence-based clarity. Also in this episode:Learn how your brain fills in the blanks with fearHow confirmation bias can derail trustJill shares practical tools to help you lead with facts, regulate your thoughts, and stay grounded under pressure.You'll walk away knowing how to stop unhealthy comparison, build emotional steadiness, and lead with consistent, trusted confidence. Support the showJill Griffin, is a leadership strategist, executive coach, and host of The Career Refresh. She works with senior leaders to navigate complexity, strengthen teams, and lead with greater clarity and intention.With 20+ years of experience at companies like Coca-Cola, Microsoft, Hilton, and Martha Stewart, Jill brings a practical, real-world lens to leadership, decision-making, and career strategy. Visit GriffinMethod.com to learn more about working together:The Next Era Leader An 12-week cohort for women leaders ready to expand their capacity and lead through complexity with clarity and intentionExecutive Coaching & Leadership Advisory 1:1 strategic partnership for leaders navigating growth, transition, and what's nextConnect with Jill for Leadership Development for Organizations and Speaking & WorkshopsInstagram: @JillGriffinOffical
Who are you when no one is watching? We welcome author Patricia Martin to discuss how social media, algorithms, and AI are reshaping our sense of self. From persona fog and chronic self-doubt to the future of human agency, we explore what it means to build an authentic identity in an increasingly performative digital world. Topics [0:00] Introduction and Speed Round with Patricia Martin [9:18] From Research to Me-Search [13:10] Why the Self Has Become a Consumer Product [19:24] Persona Fog, Self-Doubt & Cascading Crossroads [24:13] Healthy Personas vs. Fracturing Online Identities [31:30] The Self as Consumer Commodity [36:07] Construction Not Subtraction [43:33] Desert Island Music [50:32] Grooving Session: To Thine Own Self Be True? Links About Patricia Will the Future Like You? By Patricia Martin Join us on Substack! Join the Behavioral Grooves community Subscribe to Behavioral Grooves on YouTube Support Behavioral Grooves Music Links Aretha Franklin - Chain of Fools Eminem - The Real Slim Shady
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How to Break Through Self-Doubt and Lead with Confidence with Marilyn Zayas Judge Marilyn Zayas made history as the first Latina elected to a state Court of Appeals anywhere in the Midwest—and her journey is a masterclass in resilience, courage, and purpose. Discover how mentorship, perseverance, and believing in yourself can help you overcome self-doubt, shatter invisible barriers, and create a legacy that changes lives. In this inspiring episode of The Balanced, Beautiful & Abundant Show, Rebecca Whitman sits down with Judge Marilyn Zayas to explore her remarkable path from growing up in East Harlem to serving by special assignment on the Ohio Supreme Court. Together they discuss the power of mentorship, overcoming imposter syndrome, balancing ambition with family values, and why true success is measured by the lives we impact—not just the titles we earn. In this episode, you'll learn: * How mentorship can transform your life—and why lifting others is the greatest form of leadership. * Practical strategies for overcoming self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and limiting beliefs. * How to pursue ambitious goals while staying grounded in your values, family, and community. * Why becoming “the first” comes with responsibility—and how to turn pressure into purpose. * Judge Zayas' definition of success, abundance, and creating a legacy that lasts. If this episode inspired you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a woman who's ready to step into her purpose and lead with courage. Connect with Rebecca Whitman:
I'm So Tired of Starting Over — Guided Meditation for Setbacks, Self-Doubt & Beginning Again | Coherence Breathing If you are so tired of starting over, this 10-minute guided meditation is for you. Setbacks, false starts and the quiet exhaustion of beginning again can leave you convinced you are going backwards and somehow behind. This session is not going to ask you to be positive about that. It is going to show you something you have stopped being able to see. Hosted by clinical hypnotherapist and former paramedic Martin Hewlett, today's anxiety relief session uses coherence breathing, also known as resonant breathing, at six counts in and six counts out. At roughly five breaths a minute your heart rhythm and your breathing fall into step and synchronise, calming the nervous system and building resilience rather than simply distracting you. From there, gentle affirmations for self-doubt, self-worth and starting again settle you into a beautiful, trance-like state of deep relaxation. This episode also carries a personal announcement. Six years after these meditations began with a microphone and not much of a clue, the Calming Anxiety app — Anchored — launches on Thursday the 13th of August. Slow, interrupted, unglamorous progress is still progress — and that is as true for you as it has been for me. ⏱️ Time Chapters * 00:00 – "I'm so tired of starting over" — you are not lazy, not weak, not behind* 00:49 – Welcome, and why setbacks are not the end of the story* 01:22 – A personal announcement: six years, a van, a microphone, and Anchored* 02:31 – Settling: feet flat, shoulders down, eyes closed* 02:41 – Coherence breathing explained — six in, six out, five breaths a minute* 03:22 – Three guided rounds of coherence breathing* 04:54 – Affirmations for setbacks, resilience and beginning again* 06:41 – Deepening — drifting down with every out-breath* 07:22 – Second pass of affirmations* 08:51 – Your three daily caring tips* 09:35 – Coming back to the room* 10:07 – Anchored launches Thursday 13th August — put it in your diary* 11:01 – In everything, my friend, be kind
Hello Beautiful, I'm so grateful you're here with me. Some days your purpose feels obvious, while others leave you questioning everything. This empowering guided meditation helps quiet self-doubt, strengthen confidence, and reconnect you with the meaningful life you're creating. Let each breath remind you that you already have what you need within you. Love,
‘Half Man' and ‘Baby Reindeer' creator and star Richard Gadd joins the show. Over roasted fish and watermelon salad, we discuss our unique experiences as Boy Scouts, dealing with the pressure of success after a cultural phenomenon like Netflix's ‘Baby Reindeer,' and the sleepless nights he faced taking on the challenging role of Ruben in ‘Half Man,' streaming on HBO Max and the BBC. This episode was recorded at Frederick's in Islington, London. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
The Calming Anxiety Podcast | Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and Self-DoubtSoothe your anxious thoughts, overcome self-doubt, and find your daily sanctuary with deep relaxation, mindful breathing techniques, and expert clinical hypnotherapy.If you have ever stood in a meeting, accepted a promotion, or achieved a major milestone while quietly fearing that you don't deserve it, you are not alone. That persistent voice has a name: imposter syndrome. It is far more common, and far less true, than it feels right now. Welcome to your safe space. In this ten-minute episode, we are going to gently quiet that inner critic and help you reclaim your confidence.Join Martin, a clinical hypnotherapist and former frontline paramedic, as he shares a powerful breathing practice used to ground his own nervous system before stepping into emergencies and martial arts sparring. Discover how to calm your mind and step into the space you have rightfully earned.Time Chapters 00:00 – Cold Intro & Welcome (Understanding the weight of imposter syndrome) 00:33 – Your Daily Sanctuary (Meet Martin, your host and former paramedic) 01:09 – Trending Breathing Techniques (Box breathing for nervous system regulation) 04:09 – Visualisation & Affirmations (Visualizing and repeating internal truths) 08:15 – 3 Daily Caring Tips (Practical habits to combat the feeling of being a fraud) 09:26 – Awakening & Outro (Bringing awareness back and grounding your day)Today's Affirmations Once heard, repeat these softly in your thoughts and let the echo of them become part of who you are: "My success was not an accident, I built it one decision at a time." "I do not need to feel ready to be qualified. I already am." "The doubt in my mind is not evidence of incompetence, it is simply doubt." "I am allowed to take up the space I have earned." "I do not owe anyone an explanation for how far I have come." "I was chosen, hired, promoted and trusted because of what I bring." "I release the need to be flawless to feel deserving." "My achievements do not require a disclaimer. I belong in the room I worked hard to enter."3 Daily Caring Tips for a Happier LifeThe Evidence File: Next time the fraud feeling creeps in, write down one concrete thing you did to get where you are—a skill you built or a problem you solved. Doubt rarely survives contact with evidence.The Universal Doubt Check: Remind yourself that the most accomplished people you admire have felt this exact same way. Imposter syndrome doesn't shrink with achievement, it just gets better dressed.The Pause Before Comparing: When you catch yourself comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else's highlight reel, pause and ask: Am I comparing my whole story to their best five minutes?Share the Peace If this ten-minute sanctuary helped you break through the grip of self-doubt today, please take a brief moment to share this episode on your social media. By sharing, you might help a colleague, friend, or loved one who is quietly struggling to realize that they are worthy too.To take your recovery to the next level, check out the Anxiety Circuit Breaker Course at calminganxiety.fm. For just sixty-seven dollars, it features five of my most focused clinical hypnotherapy sessions designed specifically to help you break free from anxiety.Thank you for being here, doing the work, and showing up. Take care, smile often, and be kind.
Leave an Amazon Rating or Review for my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Check out the full episode: https://greatness.lnk.to/1958DM Willpower isn't a virtue. It's biology. Kelly McGonigal breaks down the exact instinct your brain triggers when you're tempted to abandon your goals. Not fight or flight. Something called pause and plan. It slows your heart rate. Sharpens your focus. Pulls up the parts of your brain that remember what actually matters to you. Then she gets personal. Every major decision in her life has come with the same nagging question: am I adequate to this moment? Her answer isn't to silence the doubt. It's to ask a different question instead. What's the best possible outcome if this works out, and who might be better off because she took the risk? That shift is the difference between staying stuck and stepping forward anyway. Sign up for the Greatness newsletter: http://www.greatness.com/newsletter Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
Plus: combatting loneliness, turning down the volume on social comparison, and why mattering to a few people beats outperforming everyone. Gordon Flett is a Professor in the Department of Psychology at York University where he has served as the Director of the LaMarsh Centre for Child and Youth Research. Dr. Flett is most known for his influential research on perfectionism in health and mental health and his more recent work on the psychology of mattering. In this episode we talk about: The difference between perfectionism and healthy striving How perfectionism functions as a coping mechanism for unmet needs for love, belonging, and significance What "mattering" actually means Antimattering (and our fear of not mattering) Why feeling like you matter to others can loosen the grip of perfectionism Why people consistently underestimate how much they matter to others Practical ways to help others feel like they matter Why helping others feel like they matter boomerangs back and boosts your own sense of significance The fear of not mattering in the age of AI Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Additional Resources: Gordon's books: The Psychology of Mattering, Mattering as a Core Need in Children and Adolescents, and Perfectionism: Theory, Research, and Treatment Join Dan, Sebene Selassie, and Jeff Warren for Meditation Party, a 3-day immersive retreat at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY, October 16–18. Grab your in-person spot here, or sign up to livestream here! This episode is sponsored by: Quo – Try Quo for free, plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to quo.com/happier. BetterHelp — Online therapy, matched to your needs. Get 10% off your first month at https://www.betterhelp.com/happier Warby Parker — Prescription glasses with virtual try-on. Buy one prescription pair and get 20% off additional prescription pairs at https://www.warbyparker.com/happier IQBAR: To get twenty percent off all IQBAR products, including the ultimate sampler pack, plus free shipping, text DAN to 64000. To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris
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