Midnight Crisis

SPOILER WARNING This podcast contains a spoiler for Agatha Christie's 1926 classic The Murder of Roger Ackroyd. If miraculously, you have just ordered this from Amazon and don't want to know who the killer is, it's best to listen to this episode after reading the book. Similarly, if you've also somehow managed to avoid spoilers for the original Star Wars trilogy and The Sixth Sense and would like to one day experience those unspoiled, it's best to come back to this podcast after watching those movies. Furthermore, if you worry that by simply being told there's a twist, it will spoil your experience of a movie, there's a potential spoiler for another movie – which I will refrain from mentioning here for obvious reasons. There's also some discussion about the plot of the videogame Broken Sword 5: The Serpent's Curse, so maybe play that first too. Finally, if this is how you found out that that the Carlton AFL team won a football game that you had recorded and were going to watch later, Nobody offers her sincere apologies. You know what, it's probably best to consume every piece of literature, film, videogames, sports and any other major entertainment event in history before listening to this show. For those who still insist on pressing onward, you have been warned! "And she's buying a stairway to Heaven" - Ben decides it's time to check whether Nobody is the Zodiac killer. - We play Led Zeppelin backwards and listen for satanic messages. - Nobody wants to establish some firm ground rules about spoiler warnings after getting spoiled on a 99-year-old book. - Ben poses a hypothetical about living like a hamster for a year. - We discuss deadbeat seahorse mothers and the most and least likely animals to commit a crime. - Ben recounts a story about an elephant rampaging through a funeral and Nobody teaches us about stingray math.

"There's a ghost in me who wants to say, I'm sorry" - Nobody appreciates the honesty of Bank First. - Nobody thinks ghosts are more surprising than scary and we consider the best haunting strategy. - Ben proposes a text message alert system after accidentally texting the group chat. - Nobody falls on a chain mail sword and we attempt to loophole our way out of being killed by the girl from The Ring. - Nobody professes her love of the terrible ‘recall email' feature. - Ben asks how early is too early to get on a waiting list for an aged care facility. - Nobody asks Ben how old he feels? - Nobody doesn't understand the economy and we plot our way into the wills of ten thousand people.

"You and your high horse" - Ben asks what happened to the tint at the top of a car windshield? - We taste test the new M3GAN 2.0 Fanta. - Ben takes some time to update his medical history for his dentist. - Ben pays tribute to Australian Survivor host Jonathan LaPaglia. - Ben shares an uncomfortable moment with the cashier at ALDI. - Ben discovers the truth about the mystery meat he ate in Tokyo. - Nobody abandons her husband at the PAX video game convention.

"We could fall in love in new shapes" - Ben takes aim at the Macquarie Banking app (also known as a bap) and it's mysterious $ button. - We make it rain coins at Australian strip clubs and design a range of jeans with dick windows and taint periscopes. - Nobody uncovers a Lynx body spray scandal. - We discuss the Mother (definitely not Monster and we'd never suggest otherwise) energy drink relaunch and other similar shake ups. - Nobody has some strong opinions about ‘scarf season'. - Nobody gets a new cat. - Ben struggles with his cat sitting duties. - Rodney takes a stroll through the skinhead district.

"My neck, my back..." - Nobody wants everyone to know about her cool new vest. - We sweat over making big purchases on our phone. - We blame the older generations for everything and ponder what we have in common with Gen Z icon Jacob Elordi. - Ben ponders how they convinced everyone to work on the Death Star. - We wonder how serial killers meet each other. - Nobody's physio gives her an unexpected compliment. - Nobody's medication causes her to breathe too easily and Ben thinks he'd make a terrible Spider-Man because flying seems terrifying. - Ben reviews the Turbuhaler. - Ben devises a scheme to scam his orthodontist.

"And who would've thought? It figures." - We accidentally leave our drinks in the freezer. - We once again revisit the story of Ben's mums ‘Don't look up' text message. - Ben continues his review of Anyone But You with a heavy emphasis on fingers in Glen Powell's butt. - We go bowling and Ben steals Nobody's luck. - We reminisce about scouring community markets as children for bootleg movies and games. - Ben celebrates a small victory by not paying for parking (and instead paying for a car wash). - We discuss Ben's water bottle situation and Nobody drags her husband into choosing her nail polish colour.

"I alone love you, I alone tempt you" - Ben wants everyone to experience the joy of peeling the paper off a tub of butter. - SMSiquette: Ben's girlfriend may be a snake and Nobody has questions about ‘The Numbers' on her phone. - Nobody drifts off to sleep watching The Rookie and we discuss the difference between being buff and masculine. - We review Anyone But You and Nicolas Winding Refn's filmography. - Ben recounts his visit to Universal Studio's where his family and friends realise they've never seen him happy before and his feet nearly fall off. - Ben wants to know how Nobody talks to ChatGPT.

"I bless the rains down in Africa" - We raise an eyebrow at the unusual towel that Nobody once gifted Ben and discuss who the settler and reacher are in her marriage. - Nobody joins her body corporate and gets into another car accident, which may have resulted in a personality change. - Ben has a run in with a suspiciously named man on the Japanese subway. - Ben is amused by the Japanese payment app ‘PayPay'. - We discuss poorly named cyber security apps and sharing your location 24/7. - Ben is struck by Japan's propensity for unusual advertising collaborations. - Ben demands more from his electric toothbrush battery. - Ben is unsettled by a non-rotating microwave. - We dissect the sounds of Japan: jingles and fire alarms. - Ben asks Japan to rethink its approach to single use plastics and trash cans. - A Japanese patrol robot piques Ben's curiosity. - Ben performs a risky Japanese super toilet experiment. - Ben is underwhelmed by the contents of Freak's Store and Nobody reminisces about her greatest high school comebacks. - Nobody recounts her holiday clothes shopping experience at Fatty Fatgirl.

"You might as well be farting, farting with a walkman on" - Nobody farts on some joggers. - Ben asks Nobody a hypothetical question about dead people, a year in the making. - We play the ‘who feels more dead?' game. - We field an offer to have New Zealand's preeminent porn star Layla Kelly, on the podcast. - Ben orders a train ticket and instead gets showered with K-Pop merchandise. - Ben makes his annual Activate Your Read Receipts Day PSA for 2025. - We taste test and ponder the origins of OKF water.

"Knock-knock-knockin' on Heaven's door" - Ben follows Drake's lead and invites 25 Miss Universe contestants to the show. - Nobody gets sick and tries to text God. - Ben wonders how the ongoing Leongatha mushroom trial has affected beef Wellington consumption. - We debate soup versus stew and the coolest foods to get caught eating. - We consider which of Ben's friends would be the most likely to eat him. - Nobody recounts the time Agatha Christie went missing and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was recruited to the case. - We make plans for the true crime podcast in the event of Nobody's murder. - Nobody struggles to find a moniker for her mum's dead partner. - Ben is shocked by the people who ask how his dad died.

"You're a pink pony girl and you dance at the club" - Nobody plots how she'd milk the podcast in the event of Ben's death. - We warn Mayor McCheese to keep an eye out for the Hamburglar. - We get derailed by an emergency text about a vagina car. - We revel in the miracle of our lost items being returned to us. - Ben raises an eyebrow at the portrayal of a young Paul Giamatti in Black Mirror. - We argue over who gets our AI generated commercial money in death. - We establish The Pony's for Puppies Foundation. - Ben is starting to take issue with the portrayal of milk drinkers in the media. - Nobody joins the Greg Davies unlikely sex symbol bandwagon.

"Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?" - Ben has questions about Yoplait's new tagline: Australia's number one family yogurt. - Nobody doesn't need facts in her period pads. - Ben introduces a new segment: Orgy Tips. - Nobody wants to determine the line between a normal attraction to a cartoon character and a fetish. - Nobody's friend makes an unusual discovery in the glove compartment of his rental car.

"And we'll fly and we'll fall and we'll burn..." - Nobody doesn't want to have to make a doctor's appointment to be told she's fine. - We discuss the difficulties of recording a relaxation exercise with noisy roommates. - Ben resonates with a familiar scene in The Monkey. - Nobody experiences a Greg Davies fever dream while binging The Cleaner. - Ben attends a Taskmaster taping and gets caught off guard in the gym shower. - Ben discovers how pivotal the lint roller is in television. - We contemplate how much attention to pay to the pre-flight safety demonstration.

"Switch it up like Nintendo" - We make our triumphant return to podcasting. - Nobody challenges Anthony LaPaglia to show Ben how fun he can be. - Nobody struggles to say she isn't attracted to Chris Hemsworth. - We enjoy the latest double entendres from Australian Survivor. - We discuss censorship nonsense and dissect the lyrics of Sabrina Carpenter and Charli XCX. - We're forced to revisit the topic of toilet etiquette after Nobody has a weird bathroom encounter.

"You'll believe God is a woman" - Ben doesn't want people to think he's crying at dumb movie moments. - Nobody is holding space for Wicked. - Ben faces a conundrum at a Thai massage parlour. - Nobody reveals how she'd get around without legs. - We pitch Michael Bay‘s next blockbuster: Tom Hardy Vs. The Kraken. - We swap crazy Tom Hardy stories. - Nobody's car breaks down and a man with fat fingers shows up to fix it.

"It's no surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy" - Ben doesn't trust a waterproof label. - We discuss the history of eating mummies and everything else on Earth. - Ben has a massage parlour business proposal. - Ben wants to know how long you're obligated to keep a gift for. - We discuss the egg in Ben's bathroom.

"I'm only human, can't you see? I made, I made a mistake" - Ben prides himself on his ability to find things in Bunnings. - Ben needs someone to accompany him to Funfields water park, so he doesn't look like a creep. - Nobody doesn't want to go out drinking when she has a perfectly good apartment. - Nobody endures a perfect storm of food poisoning – aka. her Christmas nadir. - We check in on the Gävle Goat for 2024 and learn about the IKEA goat. - Nobody is impressed by Ben's roommates six in one shower gel. - Ben wants to know if he's justified in killing an old woman at the movies.

"Teenage angst has paid off well, now I'm bored and old" - Ben wants to know more about the science experiments that Nobody would perform during a time loop. - Ben tackles the Hollywood trend of casting the hottest people in the world as ugly characters. - Helen Mirren sheds a tear over the fact that Kurt Cobain never got to use GPS. - Nobody argues that US politics boils down to guessing what the founding fathers would have thought about modern issues. - Ben espouses his distaste for the question ‘Did you notice anything different?' - Ben reveals why he always turns down the free rewards at the supermarket. - Nobody thinks that farming sounds like a scam. - Ben breaks down his Pokémon Go addiction and we revisit the idea of gamifying our work day. - Ben catches his new iPhone's ‘always on' screen slacking off.

"Drive boy, dive boy, dirty numb angel boy." - Ben doesn't understand baby oil. - Nobody recounts the glow in the dark lube escapades from her honeymoon. - Ben wonders if Nobody is okay after a few too many questionable incidents lately. - Ben has yet another run in with his old nemesis, traffic lights on his way to a concert. - A recent article about a man with three penis's makes us wonder if there could be some truth to our historical figure cinematic universe. - Ben discovers an escalating prank war in the Tropical Judge's courtroom. - Nobody asks would you take ten extra years of life in exchange for getting hit in the nuts every day? - We discuss the worst day to relive over and over and how we would spend our days in a time loop. - Nobody poses a question about imaginary hat's, designed to give you insight into someone's psyche. - Ben is intrigued by the choice of Katy Perry's ‘Hot N Cold' as the theme song to MasterChef.

"You gotta keep 'em separated" - Ben gets judged for using bar soap. - Nobody is left without toilet paper in the work bathroom. - Ben previews the videogame Squat Ops. - We get asked a direct question and immediately go blank. - Ben gives Nobody a lesson in urinal etiquette. - Nobody discovers her views on bathroom windows are not shared by those around her. - We're conflicted about the appropriate way to appreciate a sexy dance routine. - We discuss the perils of answering a phone call in an echoey room. - Nobody had the best weekend of her life at PAX and is still chasing that high. - Lana Del Rey married an alligator tour guide and Ben feels mislead.

"I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed" - Ben is perplexed by the settings on his dryer. - We still haven't forgiven our friend Alex for shooting an unarmed man in the head, fourteen years ago (in a videogame). - We discuss ending a relationship and immediately regretting it. - Ben feels closer to Nobody after their recent apartment inspection. - Ben needs an impartial judge for his competition conundrum. - Ben wants to find the best way to eat spaghetti and meatballs. - Ben attends a cheese experience where his family puts the chef in an awkward position. - We discuss old people who don't realise they're old and people who live to work.

"I guess you didn't know it, but I am a fiddle player too..." - Ben has a life hack for a free a margarita. - Ben requires arbitration on his mum's birthday text. - We discuss safe words and staying clear of people with clipboards. - We reminisce about the lost art of squeezing a text into 160 characters. - Nobody proposes post-wedding ‘f you' cards for the worst guests. - We discuss Nobody's husbands boarding school experience. - Nobody asks what sports shouldn't be sports? - We discuss Michael Phelps' incredible medal tally and speculate wildly about how he'd kill you. - Nobody wants grocery packing in the Olympics and an expert flyer lane at airports.

"F-f-f-f-f-freestyler. Rock the microphone." - Ben has a business idea for Zooey Deschanel. - Kirsty faces a kiwi conundrum. - We reflect on the many dead wives of Henry VIII. - Nobody thinks that kids these days have too much entertainment to learn pub trivia. - Ben is stuck waiting in the shower for the babes to show up. - Nobody reinvents the justice system in her dreams. - Nobody reflects on her idea of ‘the drug Olympics'. - Nobody goes on a deep dive of Ian Thorpe versus Michael Phelps. -Nobody is still upset that Michael Phelps didn't actually race a shark.

"Hot damn, hot water, hot shower" - Ben reviews Belle's Spicy Chicken. - We revisit the concept of the best way to wear a towel after a shower. - We discuss crappy bathrooms, falling through the floor, Alfa Romeo accidents, door to door battery salesmen and patting strange dogs. - Nobody hates shower curtains and immovable screws. - Nobody's latest Japanese trip makes her question her anatomy. - Nobody reveals the two things that reduced her husband to tears on their holiday. - Ben provides a dating app update as we discuss his new first date line and being offered the consolation prize of dating a friend. - We help a redditor who's asking ‘where the hoes at?' - We discuss Where's Wally kinks and Wally's nemesis Odlaw. - Zac Efron isn't a fan of his Spanish dub voice actor. - Ben's parents watch Sophie's Choice in German and miss the entire point of the movie. - Ben judges people who say they ‘read' a book but later reveal they listened to the audiobook.

"You see, me and my homies like to play this game" - We debate what qualifies as ‘walking distance' and discuss waking up the car. - Nobody's dad refuses to backtrack when travelling. - Ben makes his annual Active Your Read Receipts Day PSA. - Emoji audit: Hot face and pussy emoji's. - Ben provides a dating app update as he gets stuck with the bill again. - Nobody proposes a follow up question service after visiting the doctor. - Nobody's energy provider accuses her of being confused. - Ben's vegan shower gel makes him reflect on every other shower gel he's ever used.

"Blackpink in your area" - We name a dead person. - Ben's new TV has kicked off an obsession with Korean television. - We answer Blackpink's hypothetical questions about death and zombies. - Nobody wants to establish some public bathroom etiquette. - Nobody awkwardly smiles at couples.

"My Bonnie lies over the ocean, my Bonnie lies over the sea" - We discuss great taglines and getting heated playing board games. - Ben's annoyed that overalls don't actually go ‘over all'. - Nobody analyses the misheard song lyrics of My Bonnie lies over the ocean. - Ben visits Emporium and gets trapped in Rebel Sport. - Nobody has a rare but disappointing experience inhaling mouthwash. - Ben finds himself in a compromising scenario during an evacuation. - We discuss the etiquette of passing along a hello. - We go over our history of pet names and Ben makes a pilgrimage to Big Ben. - We celebrate Nobody's amazing catch at the supermarket.

"Bounce" - We want sweat proof headphones and devise a bouncy new gym playlist. - Ben reveals his million-dollar idea for the OCD light switch. - Nobody invents an app that shames people for not replying to her texts. - Nobody has been binging Monk and her viewing habits still infuriate Ben. - Nobody's husband takes a flight with a man does nothing for an entire nine-hour flight.

"Well, I guess this is growing up" - We debate whether it's best to eat cake with a fork or a spoon? - Nobody upsets her neighbours by not putting her ironing board away properly. - Ben's dating app saga continues as he matches with a girl who thinks she recognises him from a wedding. - Ben wants to know what the ‘bonuses' are for when donating sperm. - We discuss our actual age versus our mental age. - We reminisce about the surge of mutant animal cartoons in the 90s and Nobody shares a moment with the wine delivery person. - Nobody has left the cult of minty flavoured toothpaste. - Nobody's discusses her love/hate relationship with ghosts.

"She leaves me with jelly legs. Where did all my good luck get to?" - Ben wants to scoop a few jellyfish out of the harbour, we dream of TVs popping out of the foot of the bed and discuss the traumatising Witcher fireplace. - Ben wants to scoop a few jellyfish out of the harbour, we dream of TVs popping out of the foot of the bed and discuss the traumatising Witcher fireplace. - We reflect on some lingering COVID dilemmas and the world's strongest breath mint. - Ben is confused by a late Saint Patrick's Day text message and matches with the hardest woman to talk to of all time. - Nobody is traumatised by McDonalds, stairs and driving, while Ben recounts his ‘Dunston Checks In' lifestyle. - We discuss Ben's stair climb dreams being crushed and Nobody's half marathon VIP treatment. - Nobody signs up for another eight weeks of tennis lessons and wants more things to be gamified as an adult. - Nobody asks ‘Do you like Kyrptonite?'

"It's the fountain of youth, it's the meaning of life. So hot, so sweet, so whet my appetite." - We declare Ovalteenies to be overrated and overpriced. - Nobody asks how old a glass of water you would drink from? - Nobody wakes up to a rat on her bedside table. - The Chinese are living underwater as they reach 100% ‘relative humidity' during the week. - Ben is now advocating for wedding shorts. - Ben attends a wedding and the celebrant speaks highly of the grooms calm…demeanour. - Ben catches an Uber home and is embarrassed to call it again. - Ben reveals his ‘Roman Empire' of the podcast. - Ben finds himself in uncharted waters as he hits it off with two women on the dating apps. - Ben reunites with a girl on a dating app and fails to impress her with his memory.

"I'm never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm" - Ben still doesn't know which way to face in the elevator. - Ben loves Survivor and Jonathan LaPaglia's dirty mouth. - Ben buys some new pillows and Nobody's regrets her Black Sails themed decor. - Nobody is becoming a COVID conspiracy theorist. - Nobody tests her husband on whether he would still love her if she was a snail? - We provide some advice to a redditor with a pee bottle problem. - A guy with a Star Wars obsessed girlfriend needs our help. - We advise the girlfriend of a guy who doesn't fart.

"I'd sent a text to the person the text was about." - We divulge our respective mayonnaise dilemmas. - Ben asks whether you'd accept the reward for returning a missing pet? - Ben uses his escape room mindset to fix his overheated phone. - Ben proposes a restrained use of the edit and delete instant messages feature. - Nobody has paid for eight weeks of tennis lessons and is absolutely hating it.

"A little bit of Jessica here I am. A little bit of you makes me your man." - We discover a spa without bubbles is just an awkward communal bath. - We discuss Nobody's surprising choice for ‘the ultimate man'. - Ben gets compared to Wolverine and we devise a new dating app based tourism campaign. - Ben buys dinner from someone who doesn't understand the concept of ‘buy two get one free' and Nobody outlays the girl math of buying tennis lessons. - Nobody details her theory on men only coming in one size. - We dive into the origins of Ben's unfortunate nickname, Benis. - Ben doesn't understand why men and women's shoe sizes are different. - We dispense some advice to a redditor whose girlfriend says everyone's name but his in bed. - We advise a man who sent porn to his friends, family and co-workers. - We help a guy who made his girlfriend have visions during sex.

"I'm talkin' racks on top of racks. And stacks on top of that." - Ben raises an eyebrow at the weather app's claims of reaching 98 percent humidity. - The Gävle Goat lives to see the new year but not unscathed. - We get an actual witch to weigh in on the female mage emoji. - Ben's grandpa finds an unorthodox way to dry his stowaway cat during his time in the navy. - Ben asks whether you'd jaywalk in front of a seeing eye dog in training. - Ben joins Bumble and provides a dating app update. - We experiment with wearing our socks on the wrong feet. - Nobody gets stared at by her Vietnamese masseurs while she undresses. - Nobody's friend discovers his butt is a huge hit in China.

"Everybody get dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb." - Ben realises he needs to value his time more highly after going on massive hunt for an ATM. - Nobody's car gets a flat battery, which kicks off a massive altercation with a stubborn road crew worker. - Ben gets ushered to his very important lunch meeting at Parliament House. - Ben is saddened to learn that the local croissant ravioli store may not be opening after all. However a new business is taking in its place. - We check in on the Gävle goat. - Nobody ventures into the realm of running socks and misses her high school boyfriend's amazing sock. - Ben suggests an ice breaker for when you meet someone who's writing a PhD.

"Fade into you. Strange you never knew." - We debate whether it's okay to jaywalk in front of children. - Nobody gets stung on the butt by a bee, so we discuss bee's vs humans and Candyman. - We do our annual check in on the Gävle goat and plot the crimes we would commit if there were zero consequences. - Ben wants to know if an invite on an unused credit means he's getting a free ticket. - The Squid Game: The Challenge contestants biggest struggle turns out to be chapped lips. - Ben provides an update on his dating app journey. - We do an emoji audit on the ‘female mage' emoji. - Nobody recounts the saga of getting a flight home from America.

"We've got the ocean, got the babes, got the sun, we've got the waves" - Ben is deeply disappointed in his new mouthwash. - Curt provides some listener feedback and Spotify Wrapped is out for another year. - Nobody describes her partners ‘bathroom melange' and she wants warning labels on body wash. - Ben is unimpressed with Chemist Warehouse's lucky dips. - We attempt to decipher Ben's mum's latest text message about ‘Stollen Picnics'. - Ben's mum (somehow) misses the Melbourne Cup. - Nobody discusses her trip to America and gives her thoughts on the Vegas sphere. - We talk self-driving cars and robots in L.A. - We discuss smoking, fresh air, gambling and hidden fees in Vegas. - We debate which celebrities the Australian coins would be.

"You and me together in a Tinderbox" - We explore what annoys Nobody and her neighbour's eclectic playlist. - Ben swallows a big mint and gets its full caloric intake. - Ben joins Tinder and we do a deep dive on dating apps. - We swipe on some Tinder profiles and do Ben's top picks. - We discuss matching with people you know in real life. - Ben goes on his first Tinder date. - Nobody gets vaccinated and her husband runs out of a restaurant.

"Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey" - We discuss replacing water fountain jugs, the joys of piercing the lid of a tube of ointment and Nobody's Netflix related injury. - We discuss flavoured water as we overanalyse the ingredients of La Croix and the lyrics of Kiss from a Rose. - Nobody struggles with weight loss and Ben's still fixated on the tooth he lost as a child. - Nobody doesn't understand how people fall asleep without meaning to. - Nobody loses her jewellery at an arcade and is saved by a low paid superhero.

"I feel a little poke coming through, on you" - We strategise the best way to fight a horse sized chicken. - A ‘reality based' Krav Maga dojo catches Ben's attention. - Marge Simpsons and The Berenstain Bears make us feel old. - Nobody's friend defends their house with a raging hard on. - We revisit the concept of the best way to wear a towel after a shower. - Nobody is having running etiquette woes. - We weigh in on the AmITheAsshole party sub scenario. - We provide some relationship advice to an eyebrow eater and nude photo retoucher.

"Just lift your eyes and follow the sun" - We agree that a secluded Maldives honeymoon sounds like hell. - Ben wonders if there's a better way to wrap yourself in a towel after a shower. - Nobody is flying too close to the sun by making and then immediately cancelling plans to hang out. - In an attempt to hone her gaming abilities, Nobody completes the entirety of the game she was playing with Ben without him. - Emoji audit: We revisit the white hair emoji. - We discuss eating cold ravioli and microwave woes.

"Tell your boyfriend if he says he's got beef, that I'm a vegetarian and I ain't fucking scared of him!" - We reflect on our ‘hot years'. - Nobody asks her partner if he could be in a throuple and whether he would still love her as a snail. - Ben has a beef with Schnitz and their supposed life hacks. - Nobody refuses to walk downstairs...any stairs…even made-up ones. - Ben tells the tale of his high school math test heist. - Emoji audit: The love hotel and white-haired people. - Nobody is disappointed that Frozen's big summer blowout isn't as big as she remembered. - Nobody eats chocolate out of Ben's trash. - We giggle at the influx of VAG and CLT license plates. - Nobody memorises a license plate from a Canadian TV show in case her memory gets erased.

"Never was a cornflake girl." - We debate which is the riskiest bedside table drawer to open. - We ramble about corn on the cob holders, forcing yourself to like foods and the effects of caffeine. - We discuss kitchen drawer preferences and finding stuff in other people's houses. - Ben observes the worst Subway sandwich order ever. - Get rich quick schemes: The gym rowing challenge. - Get rich quick schemes: Cryogenic freezing. - Get rich quick schemes: Therapy and the club bathroom experience. - Get rich quick schemes: The dishwasher cooling cycle.

"If you like piña coladas and gettin' caught in the rain..." - We overanalyse the lyrics of Escape (The Piña Colada Song). - Ben's mum picks an unfortunate time to share her thoughts on the podcast. - We ponder what part of the pig a pork shoulder is from. - Ben's AI reads A Christmas Carol and sings New York, New York. - Nobody's partner wants a Batmobile but gets an unfortunate substitute. - Ben has yet another run in with the rollerblader and his gaydar may be better than we thought. - Ben is ignoring the warning on his shepherd's pie label. - Emoji audit: The love heart emoji. - Ben has an awkward interaction while being introduced to his new co-worker. Buy Ben's sister's book at kirstenmoore.com.au

"Where did you come from? Where did you go?" - We dissect the wisdom of King Solomon and Nobody recalls a story about a baby from reddit. - Ben thinks it's too easy to walk into hospitals. - Nobody ends up in the hospital and has her UGG boots stolen. - Ben recommends buying an apartment for the masculinity bonus. - We revisit the ‘base system' and propose an alternative ‘sex star' system instead. - Ben thinks the bunny ears shoe tying technique just needs an adult rebrand.

"It's about damn time!" - We discuss the current trends in body hair and handjobs. - Ben gets hit on by a gay rollerblader. - Nobody recaps an AmITheAsshole about a guy professing his love on the eve of his crush's wedding. - We have a lot of awkward interactions with the people in our buildings. - Ben needs streaming apps to back off after watching the Barry finale.

"The last plane out of Sydney's almost gone." - Ben is intrigued by Ol' Dirty Bastard's Wikipedia page. - We discuss Sacagawea, Shaun Micallef and hosting late night talk shows. - SMSiquette: We reflect on text message misunderstandings, starting fights over text and more. - Nobody wonders how her teenage brother could relate to the lyrics of Cold Chisel. - Ben's sister wants to know whether he'd date someone with a tail. - Ben puts a spotlight on the ‘person in steamy room' emoji. - We talk Fitbit sleep scores and Ben gets an Apple Watch.

"The sun has gone down and the moon has come up…" - We face a real midnight crisis as we struggle with insomnia and discuss famous screams. - Ben asks how dry a towel needs to be when it comes out of the dryer and shrinks his Download Festival tee. - Ben gleefully daydreams about breaking the protocol of having family meals at the dinner table. - We debate the best and worst of Cadbury Favourites and Arnott's Assorted Creams biscuits. - We revel in the glory of the ANZAC Day KFC bounty. - We discuss bad passport photos and launch our newest business venture, Can you live with this? photography. - Nobody's partners grandpa is presumed dead when attempting to get a new birth certificate.

"The Vengabus is coming and everybody's jumping." - Ben doesn't understand Baby On Board signs. - We discuss following your dreams late in life. - Ben reacts to being cast in the lead role of a romantic comedy. - Ben gets roped into a plumbing emergency at his mum's house. - Ben poses a salsa hypothetical. - We play The Vengaboys Ultimate Setlist Game. - Ben runs into a Billie Eilish lookalike and Nobody bumps into Adam Levine in Tokyo.

"I only got ten likes in the last five minutes. Do you think I should take it down?" - Ben suffers an embarrassing shoulder injury. - We go to the 4DX cinema and someone (possibly) falls out of their seat. - Social Media etiquette, aka. SMetiquette: Do you ‘like' Facebook Stories? - Ben recalls the time he went up against a vacuum cleaner and lost. - Ben's co-worker begrudgingly accepts his Facebook friend request. - Nobody spends the night in a haunted house in South Australia.