Podcasts about Deborah Tannen

Send us a textIn today's uncertain economic and political climate, female leaders face unique challenges that require specific strategies to overcome. Join communication and leadership coach Kele Belton as she shares three powerful permission statements that can transform how women show up as leaders. This episode delivers validation, practical frameworks, and actionable advice for women navigating leadership roles during political and economic uncertainty.What You'll Learn:Why women leaders are 1.5 times more likely to leave positions due to burnout and what to do about itHow to recognize and overcome the "leadership tension" women face in today's workplaceThe three permission statements every female leader needs to internalizePractical frameworks for taking up space without apologyStrategic self-advocacy techniques that aren't selfish but essentialThe "Leadership Journey" approach to intentional growth during uncertain timesResources Mentioned:McKinsey's Women in the Workplace study"You Just Don't Understand" by Deborah Tannen"How Women Rise" by Sally Helgesen and Marshall GoldsmithResearch by Linda Babcock at Carnegie Mellon UniversityAbout Kele Belton:Kele Belton is a communication and leadership facilitator, coach, and consultant. Her podcast "Communicate to Lead" is geared towards women in leadership and those aspiring to leadership positions. Through her work, Kele offers relatable stories, actionable strategies, and frameworks that listeners can apply immediately to advance their leadership journey.—------------------------------------------------Connect with Kele for more leadership insights: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kele-ruth-belton/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetailoredapproach/ Website: https://thetailoredapproach.com 

Friendship is the topic as we talk with Deborah Tannen, who has spent her career studying the language of everyday conversation. She is a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University and the author of many books, including, "You're the Only One I Can Tell: Inside the Language of Women's Friendships".  Her website is http://www.deborahtannen.com/   Shopify is the all-in-one commerce platform that makes it simple for anyone to start, run and grow your own successful business. With Shopify, you'll create an online store, discover new customers, and grow the following that keeps them coming back. Shopify makes getting paid simple, by instantly accepting every type of payment. With Shopify's single dashboard, you can manage orders, shipping and payments from anywhere. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at Shopify.com/nobody.

My goal with this current podcast series called “Speak with Confidence” is to boost your confidence by getting you to think differently about speaking, whether it's getting comfortable with impromptu speaking (episode 390) or claiming your identity as a speaker (episode 391). I know you want to be an impactful speaker, to share your important message with your audiences, and attract clients for your business. We *think* that teaching and training is what our audiences want. This is what I thought too. But, I believe that there are trends going on around us that are changing this. We're all swimming in information; and now with AI, we have comprehensive answers in just a few seconds. This is why I no longer advocate “Teaching from the stage”. I'm going to share in this episode what I recommend instead.   Want to develop your speaking skills and confidence? Enroll in our NEW live online workshop = https://www.speakingyourbrand.com/speaking-workshop/ . Be sure to listen to the episode to get the special coupon code to save $100 just for podcast listeners.   Show notes at https://www.speakingyourbrand.com/392/  Discover your Speaker Archetype by taking our free quiz at https://www.speakingyourbrand.com/quiz/  Enroll in our Thought Leader Academy: https://www.speakingyourbrand.com/academy/  Connect on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carolcox Article mentioned about Deborah Tannen and communication: https://www.vox.com/a/hillary-clinton-interview/the-gap-listener-leadership-quality    Related Podcast Episodes: Episode 382: 3 Signs You're Stuck in the Expert Trap with Your Public Speaking Episode 362: [Case Study] Integrating Thought Leadership and Lead Generation in Your Signature Talk with Danielle Hayden Episode 338: Escaping the Expert Trap: From Academic Presenter to Sought-After Speaker with Teri DeLucca, PhD Episode 339: Creating Compelling TED-Style Talks Based on Academic Research with Tanya Golash-Boza, PhD

From 2006 - for Mother's Day - Deborah Tannen, author of "You're wearing that? - Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation."

Tartışma Kültürü podcast serisinin 2. bölümünde tartışma eylemini bir kültüre dönüştüren 6 temel öğeyi detaylandırıyorum. Bu 6 öğenin hangi tartışma tiplerinde kullanıldığını, günlük hayatımızdaki bir tartışmayı hangi adımlarla kurgulayabilirsek tartışma eylemini bir iletişim aracına dönüştürebileceğimizi inceliyorum. Türkiye ve dünyadaki iletişim yozlaşmasını ise Robert Stawksi'nin akademik çalışmalarından, Stephen Toulmil'in ölçümleme modelinden ve Deborah Tannen'in günümüz medyasına bakışından beslenerek kişisel görüşlerimi Agonizm olgusu ekseninde sentezliyorum. Tabi ki bölüm boyunca “Rubion Nehri'ni Geçmek” metaforunu da kullanmaya devam ediyorum. Bölüm Kapağı: Laurence Alma Tadema - The Discourse 06:49'daki müzik: Karl Jenkins - Concerto Grosso for Strings Palladio I Allegretto 14:32'deki müzik: Jonannes Brahms - 16 Waltzes, Op. 39: No. 9 in D Minor 20:28'deki müzik: Dmitri Shostakovich - Suite from the Gadfly Op. 97a VIII. Romance 26:13'teki müzik: Leo Delibes - Le Roi S'Amuse Pavane  

This week on Unorthodox, we're preparing for Yom Kippur by learning how to communicate better.  We interview linguist Deborah Tannen, who coined our favorite phrase, “cooperative overlap.” She explains the real reason why we're always interrupting each other on this show, and shares some tips for talking to people with different conversational styles.  We talk to Julie Rice, co-founder of Soul Cycle, whose new project, Peoplehood, teaches people how to better listen and communicate with each other. She tells us why we should be working out our “empathy muscles,” and what we can learn when we finally shut up and listen. We chat with Mitchell Silk, the former Assistant Secretary of the Treasury for International Markets (and the first Hasidic Jew to be appointed to a Senate-confirmed position in the federal government). He recently published the first English translation of the Kedushas Levi, a classic Hasidic commentary on the Torah. He shares how communication, whether in Chinese, Hebrew, or English, is the key to revealing what we all have in common.  Vote for us in the Signal Awards! We're finalists for our ‘Across The JEW.S.A: Louisville, Kentucky' episode (vote here!) and for our limited series podcast ‘The Franchise: Jews, Sports, and America' (vote here!). We appreciate your support.  We love to hear from you! Send us emails at unorthodox@tabletmag.com, or leave a voicemail at our listener line: (914) 570-4869.  Check out our Unorthodox tees, mugs, and hoodies at tabletstudios.com.  Find out about our upcoming events at tabletmag.com/unorthodoxlive. To book us for a live show or event, email Tanya Singer at tsinger@tabletmag.com. Subscribe to our weekly newsletter to get new episodes, photos, and more. Join our Facebook group, and follow Unorthodox on Twitter and Instagram.  Unorthodox is produced by Tablet Studios. Check out all of our podcasts at tabletmag.com/podcasts. SPONSORS: Hadassah is hosting “Inspire Zionism: Tech, Trailblazers and Tattoos,” a two-day online event featuring panels with inspiring Zionist women, hosted by our own Stephanie Butnick. To join the conversation October 25 and 26, register at go.hadassah.org/inspire.  This High Holiday season, help HIAS provide vital services to refugees in more than 20 countries around the world. All donations through September 22 will be matched, doubling your impact. You can learn more at hias.org/unorthodox.  American Jewish University (AJU) invites you to join them for their Fall semester of online learning. To learn more and register, visit aju.edu/open and use code unorthodox for a 10% discount.

Small Talk genießt einen eher schlechten Ruf. Belanglos, ohne Inhalt und oft wird er auch als störend empfunden. Doch Small Talk kommt eine entscheidende Rolle dabei zu, ins Gespräch zu kommen, Beziehungen aufzubauen und sogar Macht zu demonstrieren. In dieser Folge von Talking Bodies sprechen wir darüber, welche Themen beim Small Talk heikel sind, warum wir nach Streitsituationen häufig Small Talk betreiben und warum wir so viel Zeit im Berufsleben damit verbringen. Natürlich sprechen wir auch über interkulturelle Unterschiede im Small Talk und erklären Euch, wie Small Talk von Hunden beim Gassigehen erzwungen wird. Einige Ratgeber und eine Small Talk Trainingsapp werden von uns auch unter die Lupe genommen. All das tun wir live vor Publikum, denn diese Folge haben wir zusammen mit dem podfestBerlin im Selina Hotel in Berlin Mitte aufgenommen. Einige der Wissenschaflter*innen, die zum Thema gearbeitet haben sind: Bronislaw Malinowski, Deborah Tannen, Erving Goffmann Zu Gassigesprächen findet man mehr bei Nils Bahlo https://www.uni-muenster.de/Germanistik/Lehrende/sprachwissenschaft/bahlo_nilsuwe/index.html Einige der Ratgeber, die wir erwähnen: Roland Leonhardt “Die passende Anekdote zu jedem Anlass: Witzig und geistreich, Für Reden, Small Talk, und vieles mehr” Matthias Nöllke “Small Talk – Die besten Themen: Das Ideen-Buch für Fortgeschrittene” Bobby Rio “Welcome to Make Small Talk Sexy 2.0!” Die AI Small Talk Trainingsapp: **"Small Talk Simulator" (**https://theresanaiforthat.com/ai/small-talk-simulator/) Unsere Songs zum Thema findet Ihr hier: Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6TSeZS7jnVQDZBzor3V8xj?si=1dbb10bb7d8f493d Apple: https://music.apple.com/de/playlist/talking-bodies-podcast-playlist/pl.u-EdAVeP3T8gakr Alle Quellenangaben findet Ihr unter https://talkingbodies.de/. Hier könnt Ihr uns auch gern Fragen, Kommentare und Anregungen hinterlassen.

What are some words you might want to steer clear of in conversations? What is the one word that can make someone completely forget most of what you've just said to them? Find out in this fun new episode of The Motivation Mindset called: Communication.On this segment called "The Daily Tune-Up," Risa Williams is joined by co-host, Stevon Lewis, to talk about communication and where we sometimes go wrong with what we're trying to say!They talk about:-Danger Words: Find out the most commonly used words that tend to tip a conversation in the wrong direction...-How we can more effectively say what we want (as opposed to what we don't want) in conversation...-Meta-messages: The language going on UNDERNEATH the language we're using!Books mentioned: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, The Ultimate Self-Esteem Toolkit by Risa Williams, That's Not What I Meant by Deborah Tannen, and The Acknowledgement Journal by Stevon Lewis.Hosts: Risa Williams, www.risawilliams.com, @risawilliamstherapy.Stevon Lewis, www.stevonlewis.com, @stevonlewismft.Support the showFor info on books, workshops, guests, and future episodes, please visit: risawilliams.com.*All tools discussed on the show are meant for educational purposes only and not as a replacement for therapy or medical advice.

Have you ever felt misunderstood in a conversation with someone of the opposite gender? If so, you're not alone. In this video, we'll explore three strategies from Deborah Tannen's research on gender and language that can help you improve your communication with the opposite gender. ✨Join live workshops for only $10/month

Have you ever felt misunderstood in a conversation with someone of the opposite gender? If so, you're not alone. In this video, we'll explore three strategies from Deborah Tannen's research on gender and language that can help you improve your communication with the opposite gender. ✨Join live workshops for only $10/month

We're excited to tell you about another great product from our sponsor, Ritual.  It's called Synbiotic+ and it's a daily 3-in-1 clinically-studied prebiotic, probiotic, and postbiotic designed to help support a balanced gut microbiome.  Ritual's Synbiotic+ provides two of the world's most clinically studied probiotic strains to support the relief of mild and occasional digestive discomforts, like bloating, gas, and diarrhea.  Synbiotic+ and Ritual are here to celebrate, not hide, your insides. It's time to listen to your gut!  Ritual is offering our Nobody Told Me! listeners 10% off during your first 3 months.  Visit ritual.com/NTM to start Ritual or add Synbiotic+ to your subscription today.   Friendship is the topic as we talk with Deborah Tannen, who has spent her career studying the language of everyday conversation. She is a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University and the author of many books, including, "You're the Only One I Can Tell: Inside the Language of Women's Friendships".  Her website is http://www.deborahtannen.com/

“You have to be yourself, but you have to pay attention to the audience that you're working with,” explains Stewart Hirsch, managing director and business development coach. The issue with talking broadly about concepts like executive presence is that everyone has a different definition for what executive presence entails. The initial ideas for executive presence applied primarily to white men, but today's professional environments are much more multicultural and diverse. Today, Stewart Hirsch and Deanna Sheridan, Vice President and legal advisor, discuss executive presence and inner confidence.   Effective leaders exude executive presence and they do that by letting their inner confidence shine through by finding ways to be relatable to their target audience. They have to be open to being authentically themselves, yet tailor their approach to who they are interacting with. When people feel psychological safety at work, they are more likely to show up as their authentic selves. It's really difficult to feel confident when you are trying to hide portions of yourself from your colleagues. And when leaders lead by example and are authentic with their team members, then the rest of the team feels more comfortable being authentic as well.  Inner confidence takes time to develop and it can still be scary to put your authentic self forward, even in a psychologically safe environment. When you can read the room and adjust your actions and words based on your audience, that can help to increase not only your confidence in yourself, but also your colleagues confidence in you as their leader.   Quotes “Executive presence is just a label to define somebody's perspective on power and influence.” (6:15-6:21 | Deanna)  “It was crucial for me to learn from somebody else how to approach these conversations when I needed to adapt to what my audience needed to hear, because I couldn't put myself in their shoes.” (15:49-16:03 | Deanna) “You have to be yourself, but you have to pay attention to the audience that you're working with.” (18:20-18:25 | Stewart) “The shift to get that confidence is helping the person recognize that they're absolutely capable, they've done it before.” (40:40-40:50 | Stewart)   Links Connect with Deanna Sheridan and Stewart Hirsch: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dgsheridan/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/stewarthirsch/ https://strategicrelationships.com/   Executive Presence: The Missing Link Between Merit and Success By Sylvia Ann Hewlett https://a.co/d/e773o0B Talking from 9 to 5: Men and Women at Work by Deborah Tannen https://a.co/d/hQJIY7c Play like Man Win like a Woman: What Men Know About Success that Women Need to Learn by Gail Evans https://a.co/d/2iP3Fjs Connect with Chris Batz: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/chrisbatz/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theliongroupkc  Instagram: @theliongroupllc Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm  

In this special episode of the show called "The Daily Tune-Up,"guest co-host Stevon Lewis and Risa Williams talk about the subject of "overworking" and how people tend to  beat themselves up with their own unexamined beliefs about what "success" means.They explore:-Examining your definition of "success" and why it feels like you never get stuff done-Challenging your ideas of other peoples' success and learning to see it from a different perspective that can help you feel better about yourself and others-Learning to celebrate little things you do each week as a way to boost your feelings of self-esteem and accomplishmentBooks/tools discussed: The Ultimate Self-Esteem Toolkit and The Ultimate TIme Management Toolkit by Risa Williams and The Acknowledgment Journal by Stevon Lewis, books by Albert Ellis, and Deborah Tannen.Host: Risa Williams, LMFT., www.risawilliams.com, @risawilliamstherapyGuest Host: Stevon Lewis, LMFT, www.stevonlewis.com, @stevonlewismftIf you're enjoying these episodes, come to Risa's Time Management Master Class on May 20th! Sign up at www.risawilliams.com.Check out future episodes of The Daily Tune-Up where Stevon Lewis will return as a guest co-host!**Tools discussed on the show are meant for educational purposes only and are not a replacement for therapy or medical advice.Support the showFor info on books, workshops, guests, and future episodes, please visit: risawilliams.com.*All tools discussed on the show are meant for educational purposes only and not as a replacement for therapy or medical advice.

SPECIAL GUEST: DINESH D'SOUZA In this episode, I'm sounding the alarm on the influx of migrants expected to pour across the Texas-US border in the coming days as Title 42 expires. Plus, the NY Times believes it found the 'smoking gun' text message from Tucker Carlson that supposedly got him fired. The text shouldn't have surprised Tucker. Might the bigger issue for Fox News have been fear of regulation from Democrats? And, the Federal Reserve raised rates to the highest level in 16 years but, it's still not enough to fix inflation. Joining me today is conservative thought leader, Dinesh D'Souza. Dinesh, a filmmaker and media commentator, is the host of the Dinesh D'Souza podcast. In today's discussion, we look at why gender dysphoria has become the topic du jour for both sides of the aisle. According to Dinesh, it may mark a dangerous turning point for Western civilization. Today's show is sponsored in part by: https://LegacyPMInvestments.com https://Ruffgreens.com    Support the show: https://trishregan.store/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Olaug Nilssen og Marie aubert snakker om litterære vennskap og spør om vennskapskildringen er den mer prosaiske, nøkterne fetteren til skildringen av det lidenskapelig og voldsomme kjærlighetsforholdet, eller om det tvert i mot er vennskapet som er den dypeste kjærligheten? I podkasten Olaug og Aubert på Litteraturhuset møtes forfatterne Olaug Nilssen og Marie Aubert for å snakke om bøker de liker. I subjektiv bokklubb-stil snakker de om fiksjonskarakterer, øst og vestlandsforfattere, musikk i bøker, ungdom og vennskap.Podkasten er produsert for Stiftelsen Litteraturhuset i 2022Vignett ved Hans Kristen HyrveCoverfoto Kristin Svanæs-SootDisse bøkene nevnes i episoden:Gammelt ektepar novelle i Kan jeg bli med deg hjem av Marie Aubert, Oktober (2016)Jeg nekter av Per Petterson, Oktober (2012)Diamantkvelder av Hilde Rød-Larsen, Aschehoug (2022)Mi brilliante veninne av Elena Ferrante oversatt av Kristin Sørsdal, Samlaget (2011)Mine venner av Monica Isakstuen, Gyldendal (2021)You're the Only One I Can Tell: Inside the Language of Women's Friendships av Deborah Tannen, Ballantine Books (2007)Ronja Røverdatter av Astrid Lindgren oversatt av Jo Giæver Tenfjord, Damm (1981)Tannreisen av Eva Eriksson, Tiden (1980)Albert Åberg av Gunilla oversatt av Tor Åge Bringsværd, Cappelens forlag (1977)Harry Potter og de vises stein av J. K Rowling oversatt av Torstein Bugge Høverstad, Cappelen Damm (2001)Kunsten å fake arabisk av Lina Liman oversatt av Olaug Nilssen, Samlaget (2021)Vi er ikke her for å ha det morsomt av Nina Lykke, Oktober (2022)Min kamp av Karl Ove Knausgård, Oktober (2009-2011) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

From Project BFF HQ, Terri + Manya riff about friends who are family members.How do we define a friend? Some people consider kin as friends, while others do not. Some use the label only for long-lasting, close relationships, while others use it more liberally to define almost anyone they've met. And it can change over time with the same people. Articles:When Friends Are ‘Like Family', Deborah Tannen, New York TimesFriends, family, and family friends: Predicting friendships of Dutch women, Social Networks (via Science Direct)#BeAFriend Support us: PatreonEmail: friend@project-bff.comShare the love: subscribe + rate us in your favorite podcast app + tell your friendsWe use Buzzsprout to host our podcast + we love it. They make it so easy!Support the show

Download our "Language and Gender Theories" Revision Pack: https://www.firstratetutors.com/shopf...Pressed for time? Our video covers all the Language and Gender theories and theorists you need to be aware of when studying English Language at AS or A Level. We will cover the Dominance and Difference theories - when it comes to how English Language is used as well as how its use differs according to the gender of the speaker.Key moments:1:49 Otto Jespersen (1922)4:02 Robin Lakoff (1975)11:12 Don Zimmerman and Candace West (1975)13:28 Geoffrey Beattie (1982)15:56 Pamela Fishman (1983)18:15 Deborah Tannen (1990)19:45 Janet Holmes (1992)Support the show

Victims spend a lot of time trying to make sense of what happened. This is understandable since doing an analysis is part of improving our sense of safety. It goes awry when it is based on the wrong information. Men and women view the world differently but so do narcissists and the rest of the population. In this episode, we'll take a closer look at these different frameworks and their impact on understanding ourselves and the world. Learn more about http://www.deborahtannen.com/ (Deborah Tannen's work). Sandra L. Brown Webinar: "How Could I've Fallen for a Dangerous Man?" Nov 10 6:30 p.m. EST -https://resources.kerrymcavoyphd.com/how-could-i-ve-fallen-for-a-dangerous-man-live-webinar (Get you ticket now!) All ticketholders will get a free replay of the event after it concludes. Follow me on https://www.tiktok.com/@kerrymcavoyphd (Tiktok), https://www.instagram.com/kerrymcavoyphd/ (Instagram), https://www.youtube.com/c/KerryMcAvoyPhD (Youtube) and https://www.facebook.com/kerrymcavoyphd (Facebook)! @kerrymcavoyphd Are you looking for community support after narcissistic abuse? Check out Dr. McAvoy's https://app.vibely.io/toxicfreerelationshipclub (Toxic-Free Relationship Club)! Want to read a true story of narcissistic abuse? LOVE YOU MORE: The Harrowing Tale of Lies, Sex Addiction, & Double Cross Availablehttps://linktr.ee/LOVEYOUMOREbook ( here )at the following online stores. And be sure to sign up for https://resources.kerrymcavoyphd.com/surviving-narcissism (Dr. McAvoy's 50 free Surviving Narcissism tips & exercises)! Consider https://ko-fi.com/kerrymcavoyphd (donating the cost of a cup of coffee) to support this podcast!

Sign up for our Patreon for bonuses and more! www.themidnightrainpodcast.com    Do you happen to swear? Is it something you happen to do when you stub your pinky toe on the coffee table? What about when you've just finished dinner and you pull that glorious lasagna out of the oven, burn yourself and then drop your Italian masterpiece on the floor, in turn burning yourself once again? Odds are that if you're listening to this show, you have a rather colorful vernacular and aren't offended by those that share in your “darker” linguistic abilities. Those dramatic and often harsh, yet exceedingly hilarious words, have a pretty amazing history. Were they written in manuscripts by monks? Or, did we find them used by regular people and found in prose like the names of places, personal names, and animal names? Well, could they tell us more about our medieval past other than just that sex, torture, plagues and incest was all the rage? Let's find out!   Fuck   Let's start with our favorite word. Let's all say it together, kids. “Fuck!” This most versatile yet often considered one of the worst of the “bad words” doesn't seem to have been around in the English language prior to the fifteenth century and may have arrived later from the German or th Dutch. Leave it to those beautiful Germans to introduce us to such a colorful word. In fact, the Oxford English Dictionary says it wasn't actually used until 1500. However, the name of a specific place may have been used even earlier.   Many early instances of fuck were said to actually have been used to mean “to strike” rather than being anything to do with fornicating. The more common Middle English word for sex was ”swive”, which has developed into the Modern English word swivel, as in: go swivel on it. Some of the earliest instances of fuck, seen to mean “hitting” or “striking,” such as Simon Fuckebotere (from in 1290), who was more than likely in the milk industry, hitting butter, or Henry Fuckebeggar (1286/7) who may have, hit the poor.   The earliest examples of the word fuck in the English language appeared in the names of places. The first of these is said to be found near Sherwood in 1287: Ric Wyndfuk and Ric Wyndfuck de Wodehous. These both feature a kestrel known as the Windfucker which, we must assume, went in the wind. The next definite example comes from Bristol 1373 in Fockynggroue, which may have been named for a grove where couples went for “some quiet alone time.”   However, Somewhere among the indictment rolls of the county court of Chester (1310/11), studied by Dr. Paul Booth of Keele University (Staffordshire), a man whose Christian name was Roger is mentioned three times. His less Christian last name is also recorded. The name being mentioned repetitively pretty much means it did not result from a spelling mistake but rather it's the real thing. Meaning, the man's full name was Roger Fuckebythenavele. Not only does his second name move back the earliest use of fuck in its modern sense by quite a few decades; it also verifies that it is, in fact, a Middle English word. But of course, there are those fuckers that will undoubtedly debate it's fucking origin.   The stem *fukkō-, with its characteristic double consonant, is easy to explain as a Germanic iterative verb – one of a large family of similar forms. They originated as combinations of various Indo-European roots with *-nah₂-, a suffix indicating repeated action. The formation is not, strictly speaking, Proto-Indo-European; the suffix owes its existence to the reanalysis of an older morphological structure (reanalysis happens when people fail to analyze an inherited structure in the same way as their predecessors). Still, verbs of this kind are older than Proto-Germanic.   *fukkō- apparently meant to ‘strike repeatedly, beat' (like, say, “dashing” the cream with a plunger in a traditional butter churn). Note also windfucker and fuckwind – old, obsolete words for ‘kestrel'.   A number of words in other Germanic languages may also be related to fuck. One of them is Old Icelandic fjúka ‘to be tossed or driven by the wind' < *feuka-; cf. also fjúk ‘drifting snowstorm' (or, as one might put it in present-day English, a fucking blizzard). These words fit a recurrent morphological pattern observed by Kroonen (2012): Germanic iteratives with a voiceless geminate produced by Kluge's Law often give rise to “de-iterativised” verbs in which the double stop is simplified if the full vocalism or the root (here, *eu rather than *u) is restored. Kluge's law had a noticeable effect on Proto-Germanic morphology. Because of its dependence on ablaut and accent, it operated in some parts of declension and conjugation, but not in others, giving rise to alternations of short and long consonants in both nominal and verbal paradigms.   If the verb is really native (“Anglo-Saxon”), one would expect Old English *fuccian (3sg. *fuccaþ, pl. *fucciaþ, 1/3sg. preterite *fuccode, etc.). If these forms already had “impolite” connotations in Old English, their absence from the Old English literary corpus is understandable. We may be absolutely sure that *feortan (1/3 sg. pret. *feart, pret. pl. *furton, p.p. *forten) existed in Old English, since fart exists today (attested since about 1300, just like the word fuck) and has an impeccable Indo-European etymology, with cognates in several branches. Still, not a single one of these reconstructed Old English verb forms is actually documented (all we have is the scantily attested verbal noun feorting ‘fart(ing)').   One has to remember that written records give us a strongly distorted picture of how people really spoke in the past. If you look at the frequency of fuck, fucking and fucker in written English over the last 200 years, you may get the impression that these words disappeared from English completely ca. 1820 and magically reappeared 140 years later. Even the first edition of the Oxford English Dictionary pretended they didn't exist. The volume that should have contained FUCK was published in 1900, and Queen Victoria was still alive.   According to the Oxford English Dictionary: Forms:  α. 1500s fucke, 1500s– fuck; also Scottish pre-1700 fuk.   Frequency (in current use):  Show frequency band information Origin: Probably a word inherited from Germanic. Etymology: Probably cognate with Dutch fokken …   In coarse slang. In these senses typically, esp. in early use, with a man as the subject of the verb. Thesaurus » Categories » intransitive. To have sexual intercourse. ▸ ?a1513   W. Dunbar Poems (1998) I. 106   Be his feirris he wald haue fukkit.   transitive. To have sexual intercourse with (a person). In quot. a1500   in Latin-English macaronic verse; the last four words are enciphered by replacing each letter with the following letter of the alphabet, and fuccant has a Latin third-person plural ending. The passage translates as ‘They [sc. monks] are not in heaven because they fuck the wives of Ely.' [a1500   Flen, Flyys (Harl. 3362) f. 47, in T. Wright & J. O. Halliwell Reliquiæ Antiquæ (1841) I. 91   Non sunt in cœli, quia gxddbov xxkxzt pg ifmk [= fuccant uuiuys of heli].]   transitive. With an orifice, part of the body, or something inanimate as an object. Also occasionally intransitive with prepositional objects of this type. [1680   School of Venus ii. 99   An hour after, he Ferked my Arse again in the same manner.]   transitive. To damage, ruin, spoil, botch; to destroy, put an end to; = to fuck up 1a at Phrasal verbs 1. Also (chiefly in passive): to put into a difficult or hopeless situation; to ‘do for'. Cf. also mind-fuck v. 1776   Frisky Songster (new ed.) 36   O, says the breeches, I shall be duck'd, Aye, says the petticoat, I shall be f—d.   transitive. U.S. To cheat; to deceive, betray. Frequently without. 1866   G. Washington Affidavit 20 Oct. in I. Berlin et al. Black Mil. Experience in Civil War (1982) v. xviii. 792   Mr. Baker replied that deponent would be fucked out of his money by Mr. Brown.   transitive. In oaths and imprecations (chiefly in optative with no subject expressed): expressing annoyance, hatred, dismissal, etc. Cf. damn v. 6, bugger v. 2a. See also fuck it at Phrases 2, fuck you at Phrases 1b. 1922   J. Joyce Ulysses ii. xv. [Circe] 560   God fuck old Bennett!   Phrases   Imprecatory and exclamatory phrases (typically in imperative or optative with no subject expressed sense).  P1. Expressing hostility, contempt, or defiant indifference. Categories » go fuck yourself and variants. 1895   Rep. Senate Comm. Police Dept. N.Y. III. 3158   By Senator Bradley: Q. Repeat what he said to you? A. He said, ‘Go on, fuck yourself, you son-of-a-bitch; I will give you a hundred dollars'; he tried to punch me, and I went out.   fuck you. 1905   L. Schindler Testimony 20 Dec. in People State of N.Y. Respondent, against Charles McKenna (1907) (N.Y. Supreme Court) 37   Murray said to me, ‘Fuck you, I will give you more the same.' And as he said that, I grabbed the two of them.   P2. fuck it: expressing dismissal, exasperation, resignation, or impetuousness. 1922   E. E. Cummings Enormous Room iv. 64   I said, ‘F— it, I don't want it.'   P3. fuck me and elaborated variants: expressing astonishment or exasperation. 1929   F. Manning Middle Parts of Fortune II. xi. 229   ‘Well, you can fuck me!' exclaimed the astonished Martlow. Cunt Cunt is a vulgar word for the vulva or vagina. It is used in a variety of ways, including as a term of disparagement. Reflecting national variations, cunt can be used as a disparaging and obscene term for a woman in the United States, an unpleasant or stupid man or woman in the United Kingdom, or a contemptible man in Australia and New Zealand. However, in Australia and New Zealand it can also be a neutral or positive term when used with a positive qualifier (e.g., "He's a good cunt"). The term has various derivative senses, including adjective and verb uses.   Feminist writer and English professor Germaine Greer argues that cunt "is one of the few remaining words in the English language with a genuine power to shock". The earliest known use of the word, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, was as part of a placename of a London street, Gropecunt Lane. Use of the word as a term of abuse is relatively recent, dating from the late nineteenth century. The word appears not to have been taboo in the Middle Ages, but became that way toward the end of the eighteenth century, and was then not generally not allowed to be printed until the latter part of the twentieth century.   There is some disagreement on the origin of the term cunt, although most sources agree that it came from the Germanic word (Proto-Germanic *kunto, stem *kunton-), which emerged as kunta in Old Norse. The Proto-Germanic form's actual origin is a matter of debate among scholars. Most Germanic languages have cognates, including Swedish, Faroese, and Nynorsk (kunta), West Frisian, and Middle Low German (kunte), Middle Dutch (conte), Dutch kut (cunt), and Dutch kont (butt), Middle Low German kutte, Middle High German kotze ("prostitute"), German kott, and maybe Old English cot. The Proto-Germanic term's etymology ia questionable.   It may have arisen by Grimm's law operating on the Proto-Indo-European root *gen/gon "create, become" seen in gonads, genital, gamete, genetics, gene, or the Proto-Indo-European root guneh or "woman" (Greek: gunê, seen in gynaecology). Relationships to similar-sounding words such as the Latin cunnus ("vulva"), and its derivatives French con, Spanish coño, and Portuguese cona, or in Persian kos (کُس), have not been conclusively demonstrated. Other Latin words related to cunnus are cuneus ("wedge") and its derivative cunēre ("to fasten with a wedge", (figurative) "to squeeze in"), leading to English words such as cuneiform ("wedge-shaped"). In Middle English, cunt appeared with many spellings, such as coynte, cunte and queynte, which did not always reflect the actual pronunciation of the word.   The word, in its modern meaning, is attested in Middle English. Proverbs of Hendyng, a manuscript from some time before 1325, includes the advice:   (Give your cunt wisely and make [your] demands after the wedding.) from wikipedia. The word cunt is generally regarded in English-speaking countries as unsuitable for normal publicconversations. It has been described as "the most heavily tabooed word of all English words".   Quoted from wikipedia: Some American feminists of the 1970s sought to eliminate disparaging terms for women, including "bitch" and "cunt". In the context of pornography, Catharine MacKinnon argued that use of the word acts to reinforce a dehumanisation of women by reducing them to mere body parts; and in 1979 Andrea Dworkin described the word as reducing women to "the one essential – 'cunt: our essence ... our offence'".   While “vagina” is used much more commonly in colloquial speech to refer to the genitals of people with vulvas than “cunt” is, its  origins are defined by its service to male sexuality, making “cunt” —  interestingly enough — the least historically misogynistic of the two. “Cunt” has also been used in Renaissance bawdy verse and in Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, but it was not until Shakespeare's era that its meaning began to fundamentally shift, during the dawn of Christian doctrine.   Arguably, if cunt simply means and refers to “vagina”, then why would that be bad? Vaginas are pretty great! They provide people with pleasure, they give life, and they're even a naturally developed lunar calendar! So, why would a person refer to another, assumedly pissy person as a vagina?    So, should we as society fight the negative stereotypes and embrace the term cunt again? It's a tiny word that bears a lot of weight, but it should be anything but scary or offensive. It can be a massive dose of love instead of an enormous force of hate if we actively define our vocabulary rather than letting it define us.   Words only have that type of power when the uptight, vanilla flavored, missionary only Karen's and Kevin's of the world decide they don't like them. This has been going on for as long as we've been using words. So, let's take it back. We love you, ya cunts!   coarse slang in later use. Thesaurus » Categories » The female genitals; the vulva or vagina. Cf. quaint n.1 a1400   tr. Lanfranc Sci. Cirurgie (Ashm.) (1894) 172   In wymmen þe necke of þe bladdre is schort, & is maad fast to the cunte. 1552   D. Lindsay Satyre Procl. 144   First lat me lok thy cunt, Syne lat me keip the key. 1680   Earl of Rochester et al. Poems 77   I fear you have with interest repaid, Those eager thrusts, which at your Cunt he made. 1865   ‘Philocomus' Love Feast iii. 21   I faint! I die! I spend! My cunt is sick! Suck me and fuck me!   A woman as a source of sexual gratification; a promiscuous woman; a slut. Also as a general term of abuse for a woman. 1663   S. Pepys Diary 1 July (1971) IV. 209   Mr. Batten..acting all the postures of lust and buggery that could be imagined, and..saying that the he hath to sell such a pouder as should make all the cunts in town run after him.   As a term of abuse for a man. 1860   in M. E. Neely Abraham Lincoln Encycl. (1982) 154   And when they got to Charleston, they had to, as is wont Look around to find a chairman, and so they took a Cunt   A despised, unpleasant, or annoying place, thing, or task. 1922   J. Joyce Ulysses ii. iv. [Calypso] 59   The grey sunken cunt of the world.   Bitch   Women were frequently equated to dogs in Ancient Greek literature, which was used to dehumanize and shame them for their alleged lack of restraint and sexual urges. This is believed to have originated from the hunter goddess Artemis, who was frequently depicted as a pack of hounds and was perceived to be both beautiful and frigid and savage. According to popular belief, the term "bitch" as we use it today evolved from the Old English word "bicce," which meant a female dog, about the year 1000 AD. The phrase started out as a critique of a woman's sexuality in the 15th century but eventually evolved to signify that the lady was rude or disagreeable.   Clare Bayley has connected this growth of the term "bitch" as an insult to the suffrage struggle and the final passage of women's suffrage in the early 20th century, particularly the 1920s. Men were intimidated when women started to challenge their subordinate roles in the patriarchal power structure, and the phrase started to be used to ferocious and irate females. Men's respect for women and the prevalence of the term are clearly correlated, since usage of the term rapidly decreased during World War II as men's appreciation of women's contributions to the war effort increased.   However, as they competed with women for employment after the war ended and the men went back to work, the word's usage increased once more. As the housewife paradigm started to fade away during the war, the position of women in the workplace and society as a whole underwent an irreparable change. However, males perceived the presence of women in the workforce as a challenge to their supremacy in society.   With songs like Elton John's "The Bitch is Back" ascending the charts in 1974, the slur became more common in mainstream culture and music in the latter decades of the 20th century. As a result of artists like Kanye West and Eminem using the term "bitch" to denigrate women and depict violence against them in their lyrics, hip-hop culture has also long been accused of being misogynistic.   We just need to look at Hillary Clinton's recent campaign for president in 2016 to understand how frequently this slur is leveled at women, especially those in positions of authority who are defying patriarchal expectations and shattering glass ceilings. Rep. AOC being called a "fucking bitch" by a GOP Rep. is another similar example. It is evident that the usage of the phrase and the degree to which males regard women to be a danger are related.   bitch (v.)   "to complain," attested from at least 1930, perhaps from the sense in bitchy, perhaps influenced by the verb meaning "to bungle, spoil," which is recorded from 1823. But bitched in this sense seems to echo Middle English bicched "cursed, bad," a general term of opprobrium (as in Chaucer's bicched bones "unlucky dice"), which despite the hesitation of OED, seems to be a derivative of bitch (n.).   bitchy (adj.) 1925, U.S. slang, "sexually provocative;" later (1930s) "spiteful, catty, bad-tempered" (usually of females); from bitch + -y (2). Earlier in reference to male dogs thought to look less rough or coarse than usual. The earliest use of "bitch" specifically as a derogatory term for women dates to the fifteenth century. Its earliest slang meaning mainly referred to sexual behavior, according to the English language historian Geoffrey Hughes:   The early applications were to a promiscuous or sensual woman, a metaphorical extension of the behavior of a bitch in heat. Herein lies the original point of the powerful insult son of a bitch, found as biche sone ca. 1330 in Arthur and Merlin ... while in a spirited exchange in the Chester Play (ca. 1400) a character demands: "Whom callest thou queine, skabde bitch?" ("Who are you calling a whore, you miserable bitch?").   In modern usage, the slang term bitch has different meanings depending largely on social context and may vary from very offensive to endearing, and as with many slang terms, its meaning and nuances can vary depending on the region in which it is used.   The term bitch can refer to a person or thing that is very difficult, as in "Life's a bitch" or "He sure got the bitch end of that deal". It is common for insults to lose intensity as their meaning broadens ("bastard" is another example). In the film The Women (1939), Joan Crawford could only allude to the word: "And by the way, there's a name for you ladies, but it isn't used in high society - outside of a kennel." At the time, use of the actual word would have been censored by the Hays Office. By 1974, Elton John had a hit single (#4 in the U.S. and #14 in the U.K.) with "The Bitch Is Back", in which he says "bitch" repeatedly. It was, however, censored by some radio stations. On late night U.S. television, the character Emily Litella (1976-1978) on Saturday Night Live (portrayed by Gilda Radner) would frequently refer to Jane Curtin under her breath at the end of their Weekend Update routine in this way: "Oh! Never mind...! Bitch!"   Bitchin' arose in the 1950s to describe something found to be cool or rad. Modern use can include self-description, often as an unfairly difficult person. For example, in the New York Times bestseller The Bitch in the House, a woman describes her marriage: "I'm fine all day at work, but as soon as I get home, I'm a horror....I'm the bitch in the house."Boy George admitted "I was being a bitch" in a falling out with Elton John. Generally, the term bitch is still considered offensive, and not accepted in formal situations. According to linguist Deborah Tannen, "Bitch is the most contemptible thing you can say about a woman. Save perhaps the four-letter C word." It's common for the word to be censored on Prime time TV, often rendered as "the b-word". During the 2008 U.S. presidential campaign, a John McCain supporter referred to Hillary Clinton by asking, "How do we beat the bitch?" The event was reported in censored format:   On CNN's "The Situation Room," Washington Post media critic and CNN "Reliable Sources" host Howard Kurtz observed that "Senator McCain did not embrace the 'b' word that this woman in the audience used." ABC reporter Kate Snow adopted the same location. On CNN's "Out in the Open," Rick Sanchez characterized the word without using it by saying, "Last night, we showed you a clip of one of his supporters calling Hillary Clinton the b-word that rhymes with witch." A local Fox 25 news reporter made the same move when he rhymed the unspoken word with rich.   A study reported that, when used on social media, bitch "aims to promote traditional, cultural beliefs about femininity". Used hundreds of thousands of times per day on such platforms, it is associated with sexist harassment, "victimizing targets", and "shaming" victims who do not abide by degrading notions about femininity   Son of a bitch The first known appearance of "son-of-a-bitch" in a work of American fiction is Seventy-Six (1823), a historical fiction novel set during the American Revolutionary War by eccentric writer and critic John Neal.  The protagonist, Jonathan Oadley, recounts a battle scene in which he is mounted on a horse: "I wheeled, made a dead set at the son-of-a-bitch in my rear, unhorsed him, and actually broke through the line." The term's use as an insult is as old as that of bitch. Euphemistic terms are often substituted, such as gun in the phrase "son of a gun" as opposed to "son of a bitch", or "s.o.b." for the same phrase. Like bitch, the severity of the insult has diminished. Roy Blount Jr. in 2008 extolled the virtues of "son of a bitch" (particularly in comparison to "asshole") in common speech and deed. Son of a bitch can also be used as a "how about that" reaction, or as a reaction to excruciating pain. In politics the phrase "Yes, he is a son of a bitch, but he is our son of a bitch" has been attributed, probably apocryphally, to various U.S. presidents from Franklin Roosevelt to Richard Nixon. Immediately after the detonation of the first atomic bomb in Alamogordo, New Mexico, in July 1945 (the device codenamed Gadget), the Manhattan Project scientist who served as the director of the test, Kenneth Tompkins Bainbridge, exclaimed to Robert Oppenheimer "Now we're all sons-of-bitches." In January 2022, United States President Joe Biden was recorded on a hot mic responding to Fox News correspondent Peter Doocy asking, "Do you think inflation is a political liability ahead of the midterms?" Biden responded sarcastically, saying, "It's a great asset — more inflation. What a stupid son of a bitch." The 19th-century British racehorse Filho da Puta took its name from "Son of a Bitch" in Portuguese. The Curtiss SB2C, a World War 2 U.S. Navy dive bomber, was called "Son-of-a-Bitch 2nd Class" by some of its pilots and crewmen. In American popular culture, the slang word "basic" is used to derogatorily refer to persons who are thought to favor mainstream goods, fashions, and music. Hip-hop culture gave rise to "basic bitch," which gained popularity through rap music, lyrics, blogs, and videos from 2011 to 2014. "Bros" is a common word for their male counterparts. Other English-speaking nations have terms like "basic bitch" or "airhead," such as modern British "Essex girls" and "Sloane Rangers," as well as Australian "haul girls," who are noted for their love of shopping for expensive clothing and uploading films of their purchases on YouTube. Oxford English Dictionary  transitive. To call (a person, esp. a woman) a bitch. 1707   Diverting Muse 131   Why how now, crys Venus, altho you're my Spouse, [If] you Bitch me, you Brute, have a care of your Brows   transitive. To behave like a bitch towards (a person); to be spiteful, malicious, or unfair to (a person); to let (a person) down. 1764   D. Garrick Let. 23 Aug. (1963) II. 423   I am a little at a loss what You will do for a Woman Tragedian to stare & tremble wth yr Heroes, if Yates should bitch You—but she must come.   intransitive. To engage in spiteful or malicious criticism or gossip, esp. about another person; to talk spitefully or cattily about. 1915   G. Cannan Young Earnest i. x. 92   It's the women bitching at you got into your blood.   intransitive. Originally U.S. To grumble, to complain (about something, or at someone). Frequently collocated with moan. 1930   Amer. Speech 5 238   [Colgate University slang] He bitched about the course.   †3. intransitive. To back down, to yield. Obsolete. rare. 1777   E. Burke Let. 9 May in Corr. (1961) III. 339   Norton bitched a little at last, but though he would recede; Fox stuck to his motion.   Shit shit (v.) Old English scitan, from Proto-Germanic *skit- (source also of North Frisian skitj, Dutch schijten, German scheissen), from PIE(proto indo-european) root *skei- "to cut, split." The notion is of "separation" from the body (compare Latin excrementum, from excernere "to separate," Old English scearn "dung, muck," from scieran "to cut, shear;" see sharn). It is thus a cousin to science and conscience.   "Shit" is not an acronym. Nor is it a recent word. But it was taboo from 1600 and rarely appeared in print (neither Shakespeare nor the KJV has it), and even in the "vulgar" publications of the late 18c. it is disguised by dashes. It drew the wrath of censors as late as 1922 ("Ulysses" and "The Enormous Room"), scandalized magazine subscribers in 1957 (a Hemingway story in Atlantic Monthly) and was omitted from some dictionaries as recently as 1970 ("Webster's New World"). [Rawson]   It has extensive slang usage; the meaning "to lie, to tease'' is from 1934; that of "to disrespect" is from 1903. Also see shite. Shat is a humorous past tense form, not etymological, first recorded 18th century.   To shit bricks "be very frightened" attested by 1961. The connection between fear and involuntary defecation has generated expressions in English since the 14th century. (the image also is in Latin), and probably also is behind scared shitless (1936).   shit (n.) Middle English shit "diarrhea," from Old English scitte "purging, diarrhea," from source of shit (v.). The general sense of "excrement" dates from 1580s (Old English had scytel, Middle English shitel for "dung, excrement;" the usual 14c. noun for natural discharges of the bodies of men or beasts seems to have been turd or filth). As an exclamation attested in print by 1920 but certainly older. Use for "obnoxious person" is by 1508; meaning "misfortune, trouble" is attested from 1937. Shit-faced "drunk" is 1960s student slang; shit list is from 1942. Shit-hole is by 1937 as "rectum," by 1969 in reference to undesirable locations. Shitload (also shit-load) for "a great many" is by 1970. Shitticism is Robert Frost's word for scatological writing.   Up shit creek "in trouble" is by 1868 in a South Carolina context (compare the metaphoric salt river, of which it is perhaps a coarse variant). Slang not give a shit "not care" is by 1922. Pessimistic expression same shit different day is attested by 1989. To get (one's) shit together "manage one's affairs" is by 1969. Emphatic shit out of luck is by 1942. The expression when the shit hits the fan "alluding to a moment of crisis or its disastrous consequences" is attested by 1967.   Expressing anger, despair, surprise, frustration, resignation, excitement, etc. 1865   Proc. Court Martial U.S. Army (Judge Advocate General's Office) U.S. National Arch.: Rec. group 153, File MM-2412 3 Charge II.   Private James Sullivan...did in contemptuous and disrespectful manner reply..‘Oh, shit, I can't' or words to that effect.   Ass/Asshole The word arse in English derives from the Proto-Germanic (reconstructed) word *arsaz, from the Proto-Indo-European word *ors-, meaning "buttocks" or "backside". The combined form arsehole is first attested from 1500 in its literal use to refer to the anus. The metaphorical use of the word to refer to the worst place in a region (e.g., "the arsehole of the world"), is first attested in print in 1865; the use to refer to a contemptible person is first attested in 1933. In the ninth chapter of his 1945 autobiography, Black Boy, Richard Wright quotes a snippet of verse that uses the term: "All these white folks dressed so fine / Their ass-holes smell just like mine ...". Its earliest known usage in newspapers as an insult was 1965. As with other vulgarities, these uses of the word may have been common in oral speech for some time before their first appearances in print. By the 1970s, Hustler magazine featured people they did not like as "Asshole of the Month." In 1972, Jonathan Richman of Modern Lovers recorded his song "Pablo Picasso", which includes the line "Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole."   Until the early 1990s, the word was considered one of a number of words that could not be uttered on commercial television in the United States. Comedian Andrew Dice Clay caused a major shock when he uttered the word during a televised MTV awards show in 1989. However, there were PG-13 and R-rated films in the 1980s that featured use of the word, such as the R-rated The Terminator (1984), the PG-13-rated National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989), and the PG-rated Back to the Future (1985). By 1994, however, vulgarity had become more acceptable, and the word was featured in dialog on the long-running television series NYPD Blue, though it has yet to become anything close to commonplace on network TV. In some broadcast edits (such as the syndication airings of South Park), the word is partially bleeped out, as "assh—". A variant of the term, "ass clown", was coined and popularized by the 1999 comedy film Office Space.   The word is mainly used as a vulgarity, generally to describe people who are viewed as stupid, incompetent, unpleasant, or detestable. Moral philosopher Aaron James, in his 2012 book, Assholes: A Theory, gives a more precise meaning of the word, particularly to its connotation in the United States: A person, who is almost always male, who considers himself of much greater moral or social importance than everyone else; who allows himself to enjoy special advantages and does so systematically; who does this out of an entrenched sense of entitlement; and who is immunized by his sense of entitlement against the complaints of other people. He feels he is not to be questioned, and he is the one who is chiefly wronged.   Many would believe the term ass to be used to describe an ungulate or a hoofed mammal of the smaller variety. Those people would be correct. However ass would be used as slang to describe the incompetence of people as they seem to resemble that of a donkey. Slow and stupid. We don't see donkeys in this manner but the people of old may have.   A stupid, irritating, or contemptible person; a person who behaves despicably. Cf. arsehole n. 3, shithole n. 2. Quot. 1954, from a story originally told in 1933, provides evidence for the development of this sense from figurative uses of sense 1. [1954   V. Randolph Pissing in Snow (1976) lxx. 106   When God got the job [of making men and women] done,..there was a big pile of ass-holes left over. It looks to me like the Almighty just throwed all them ass-holes together, and made the Easton family.]   Dick/dickhead   Dick is a common English language slang word for the human penis. It is also used by extension for a variety of slang purposes, generally considered vulgar, including: as a verb to describe sexual activity; and as a term for individuals who are considered to be rude, abrasive, inconsiderate, or otherwise contemptible. In this context, it can be used interchangeably with jerk, and can also be used as a verb to describe rude or deceitful actions. Variants include dickhead, which literally refers to the glans. The offensiveness of the word dick is complicated by the continued use of the word in inoffensive contexts, including as both a given name (often a nickname for Richard) and a surname, the popular British dessert spotted dick, the classic novel Moby-Dick, the Dick and Jane series of children's books, and the American retailer Dick's Sporting Goods. Uses like these have given comic writers a foundation to use double entendre to capitalize on this contradiction. In the mid-17th century, dick became slang for a man as a sexual partner. For example, in the 1665 satire The English Rogue by Richard Head, a "dick" procured to impregnate a character that is having difficulty conceiving:   “The next Dick I pickt up for her was a man of a colour as contrary to the former, as light is to darkness, being swarthy; whose hair was as black as a sloe; middle statur'd, well set, both strong and active, a man so universally tryed, and so fruitfully successful, that there was hardly any female within ten miles gotten with child in hugger-mugger, but he was more than suspected to be Father of all the legitimate. Yet this too, proved an ineffectual Operator.”   An 1869 slang dictionary offered definitions of dick including "a riding whip" and an abbreviation of dictionary, also noting that in the North Country, it was used as a verb to indicate that a policeman was eyeing the subject. The term came to be associated with the penis through usage by men in the military around the 1880s.   The term "dick" was originally used to describe a vile or repulsive individual in the 1960s.   A stupid, annoying, or objectionable person (esp. a male); one whose behaviour is considered knowingly obnoxious, provocative, or disruptive. Cf. dick n.1 6. 1960   S. Martinelli Let. 28 Dec. in C. Bukowski & S. Martinelli Beerspit Night & Cursing. (2001) 132   You shd listen to yr own work being broadcast [on the radio]... You cd at least tell ME when to list[en] dickhead!   Twat noun Slang: Vulgar. vulva. First recorded in 1650–60; perhaps originally a dialectal variant of thwat, thwot (unattested), presumed Modern English outcome of Old English thwāt, (unattested), akin to Old Norse thveit “cut, slit, forest clearing” (from northern English dialect thwaite “forest clearing”)   What does twat mean? Twat is vulgar slang for “vagina.” It's also used, especially in British English slang, a way to call someone as stupid, useless, or otherwise contemptible person. While twat has been recorded since the 1650s, we don't exactly know where it comes from. One theory connects twat to the Old English term for “to cut off.” The (bizarre) implication could be that women's genitalia were thought to be just shorter versions of men's.   Twat was popularized in the mid-1800s completely by accident. The great English poet Robert Browning had read a 1660 poem that referred, in a derogatory way, to a “nun's twat.” Browning thought a twat must have been a kind of hat, so he incorporated it into his own work.   Words for genitalia and other taboo body parts (especially female body parts) have a long history of being turned into abusive terms. Consider a**, d*ck, p***y, among many others. In the 1920s, English speakers started using twat as an insult in the same way some use a word like c**t, although twat has come to have a far less offensive force than the c-word in American English. In the 1930s, twat was sometimes used as a term of abuse for “woman” more generally, and over the second half of the 1900s, twat was occasionally used as slang for “butt” or “anus” in gay slang.   Twat made headlines in June 2018 when British actor Danny Dyer called former British Prime Minister David Cameron a twat for his role in initiating the Brexit referendum in 2016—and then stepping down after it passed.   Twat is still common in contemporary use as an insult implying stupidity, especially among British English speakers.   Even though it's a common term, twat is still vulgar and causes a stir when used in a public setting, especially due to its sexist nature. Public figures that call someone a twat are often publicly derided. Online, users sometimes censor the term, rendering it as tw*t or tw@t.   If you're annoying, you might be accused of twattiness; if you're messing around or procrastinating, you might be twatting around; if you're going on about something, you might be twatting on. Twatting is also sometimes substituted for the intensifier ”fucking”.   As a term of abuse: a contemptible or obnoxious person; a person who behaves stupidly; a fool, an idiot. Now chiefly British. The force of this term can vary widely. Especially when applied to a woman, it can be as derogatory and offensive as the term cunt (cunt n. 2a), but it can also be used (especially of men) as a milder form of abuse without conscious reference to the female genitals, often implying that a person's behaviour, appearance, etc., is stupid or idiotic, with little or no greater force than twit (twit n.1 2b). 1922   ‘J. H. Ross' Mint (1936) xxxv. 110   The silly twat didn't know if his arse-hole was bored, punched, drilled, or countersunk. The top 10 movies with the most swear words: The Wolf of Wall Street (Martin Scorsese, 2013) – 715 Uncut Gems (Josh and Benny Safide, 2019) – 646 Casino (Martin Scorsese, 1995) – 606 Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (Kevin Smith, 2001) – 509 Fury (David Ayer, 2014) – 489 Straight Outta Compton (F. Gary Gray, 2015) – 468 Summer of Sam (Spike Lee, 1999) – 467 Nil By Mouth (Gary Oldman, 1997) – 432 Reservoir Dogs (Quentin Tarantino, 1992) – 418 Beavis and Butt-Head Do America (Mike Judge, 1996) – 414

After Beyoncé and Lizzo both retroactively removed ableist slurs from their recent releases, we wanted to learn how some words start out or become offensive, why they're hurtful, and whether marginalized communities can 'reclaim' words used against them. Two linguists join us to explain: Dr. Deborah Tannen is a professor of Linguistics at Georgetown University, and author of That's Not What I Meant!: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships; and Benjamin K. Bergen is director of the Language and Cognition Lab at University of California, San Diego. Plus, listeners call in to tell us about their experiences with hurtful language.  

Like what Oprah Winfrey's guest, Deborah Tannen said: "Sisterhood is fascinating because it is a unique connection of the coming together of connection and competition. The fact that you have these age differences is a built-in power struggle, and the fact that you're all trying to get attention and resources from the same parents creates competition. And the fact that you are always together making comparison inevitable, so all of those dynamics were, to me, terribly fascinating." - I could not agree more!In today's episode, my sisters and I share how we create a safe space for each other to show up authentically:Using enneagram to understand our different personalities, strengths, and challenges in life, and examine how we relate to ourselves, others, and our world.Finding a safe space for different personalities to have an easy way for a difficult conversationHow to have truly, deep meaningful conversationsThe importance of setting healthy boundaries in your relationshipsand believe me, so much more!Keep Up With MeKeep up with my travel and adventures @theremoteyogi and find tons of free resources on how to live with more confidence at theremoteyogi.comHelp me to share the message of Embracing Human by liking this episode, sharing it with your friends, following the podcast, and giving a review. It means the world to me!Do you have a human experience story? Submit your stories to taryn@theremoteyogi.com and I'll share them at the end of our upcoming episodes.

In this week's conversation between Dr. James Emery White and co-host Alexis Drye, they discuss anger and the seemingly endless flow of new stories where people are losing control. For those who are Christ followers, anger is one of the seven deadly sins, yet often times we are among the worst offenders. This conversation dives into everything from orthopathy to righteous anger to how this is impacting our children. Episode Links To read more on this topic, Dr. White wrote several blogs related to this conversation that will be really helpful to dig into. His most recent blog is titled “What's Wrong with People?” and explores three of the most likely reasons anger is on the rise. But it didn't just begin to rise. Several years ago Dr. White wrote a blog titled “The Age of Rage” that rings even more true today. Also discussed was how our need to be liked by everyone can come into play, discussing the idea of the “10-10-80” rule when it comes to relationships. Finally, Dr. White mentioned a book written by Deborah Tannen, The Argument Culture. After living more than a year into the pandemic, Dr. White delivered a series at Meck that would still serve called “The Long Night's Journey Into Day” with a look at how we can rise above our differences and live the life God is calling us to live. You may also be interested in checking out a series called “Wicked” that specifically focuses on sin and how it affects our relationship with God. To serve parents out there, Alexis mentioned an on-demand class offered through the Meck Institute called “FaceTime: What Parents Need to Know about Technology, Social Media, Video Games and More.” That is definitely a class that you'll want to check out that will be very eye-opening. For those of you who are new to Church & Culture, we'd love to invite you to subscribe (for free of course) to the twice-weekly Church & Culture blog and check out the Daily Headline News - a collection of headlines from around the globe each weekday. In fact, here's a recent news story shared related to this episode's discussion that you may have missed: ”Why People Are Acting So Weird”

Merriam-Webster's Word of the Day for March 27, 2022 is: impetus • IM-puh-tus • noun An impetus is "a force that causes or encourages something to be done or to become more active." // The high salary and generous benefits package were impetus enough to apply for the job. See the entry > Examples: "Social media is often the impetus for the feeling of FOMO. Deborah Tannen, a linguistics professor at Georgetown University, said she first heard about FOMO in relation to social media because it 'ratchets up the likelihood that you'll hear about an event you weren't invited to and have to actually see photos of the smiling, happy people who are at the event.'" — Alexis Benveniste, The New York Times, 25 Feb. 2022 Did you know? Impetus comes from the Latin verb impetere, meaning "to attack," which is a combination of the prefix in-, meaning "toward," with petere, meaning "to go to" or "to seek." Hence, impetus describes the kind of force that encourages an action ("The impetus behind the project") or the momentum of an action already begun ("The meetings only gave impetus to the rumors of a merger").

Why do so many women feel that men don't tell them anything, that they only want to fix everything? Why do so many men feel that women nag them and never get to the point? Sociolinguist and bestselling author of “That's not what I meant!” ,Deborah Tannen, a professor of linguistics at Georgetown university offers revolutionary answers to these and other questions that confuse women's and men's attempts to communicate with each other.  She has some stunning evidence from her own studies where she shows that men and women live in different worlds, even under the same roof. From a very early age, girls play with a best friend or a small group and use language to seek confirmation and reinforce intimacy, while boys use language to negotiate status in large group activities.  As a result, men and women have completely different impressions of the same conversation. Listen to find a peace treaty in the battle of the sexes.

The secrets that unlock selling often come from the most unexpected places. In this episode, Leah chats with a "business idol" who isn't from business at all: Dr. Deborah Tannen, whose work in sociolinguistics helped Leah, and now Leah's clients, feel more comfortable selling, build better client relationships, and get paid more for their work.Learn more about Dr. Deborah Tannen at deborahtannen.com. Learn more about Leah and The Academy at smartgetspaid.com. 

In this International Women's Day Feature, Corinna is joined by a fellow podcaster, Sedruola (Sedie) Maruska. Sedie hosts Diversity Dish, a podcast focused on building a more fair and equitable society. Corinna & Sedie talk about language, the power of communication, and how we can all do better by seeking to understand what another person's experience in life is like. You'll learn about microaggressions and what makes them micro (or even macro) aggressions. This podcast invites you to listen to the experience of other people, to trust in what they tell you about their experience -- and how that can be an important first step in building a better society. You'll also hear about an incredible microfunding not-for-profit, and why you should seek to support women in businesses around the globe. Love the show? Subscribe, rate, review, & share! https://caremorebebetter.com Links Discussed: Hidden Brain's Mind Reading 2.0: Why Conversations Go Wrong with Deborah Tannen: https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/why-conversations-go-wrong/Invest for International Women's Day and get $50: http://kiva.orgSedruola Maruska, Host of Diversity DishSedie is a social justice, equity, inclusion and diversity consultant and coach, host of the award-winning podcast Diversity Dish, speaker and aspiring author. She's a graduate of Andrews University with a BA in Graphic Arts, a former Conversational English teacher, Corporate Trainer, and Executive Assistant. Her passion is helping individuals in business cultivate cultures of equity and inclusion, so they attract the diverse partnerships they desire.Sedie's Sites, Podcast & SocialWebsite: https://diversitydish.comLinkedin: https://linkedin.com/in/sedruolamaruskaInstagram: https://instagram.com/sedruolaFacebook: https://facebook.com/sedruolamaruskaTwitter: https://twitter.com/sedruolaPinterest: https://pinterest.com/sedruolamaruskaJoin the Care More Be Better Community!YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/caremorebebetter Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/CareMore.BeBetter/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CareMoreBeBetter LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/care-more-be-better Twitter: https://twitter.com/caremorebebetter Clubhouse: https://www.clubhouse.com/club/care-more-be-better Support Care More. Be Better: A Social Impact + Sustainability PodcastCare More. Be Better. is not backed by any company. We answer only to our collective conscience. As a listener, reader, and subscriber you are part of this pod and this community and we are honored to have your support. If you can, please help finance the show: https://caremorebebetter.com/donate. Thank you, now and always, for your support as we get this thing started!

Moe Carrick is on a mission to restore humanity to work one magnificent people leader at a time. She believes that people can and should thrive at work, and that when they do, organizations succeed. With over 30+ years of work in organizations on issues of partnership, leadership, inclusion, strategy and culture.  Moe believes that rigorous self-awareness, courage, honest dialogue, curiosity, compassion, accountability, and empathy are fundamentals to building full and inclusive partnerships based on trust and generosity.  Moe is Founder of Moementum, Inc. and holds a Master's Degree in OD, is a Certified Dare to Lead™ Facilitator, a Coach, and is administrator of a variety of tools in her trade. She is author of two bestselling books, FIT Matters: How to Love Your Job and Bravespace Workplace: Making Your Company Fit for Human Life. As a white, US-born, heterosexual woman, Moe strives to use her privilege with grace to surface assumptions that interfere with teams and to explore systemic patterns. Timestamp 1:32 How Patti and Moe met 2:09 Moe's background and her life journey 11:14 Moe shares her perspective in Dare to Lead training 15:37 On the fragility of the white woman 19:52 How did COVID-19 effected Moe's life 24:47 Things that Moe finds most fascinating to her 27:30 What does Moe sees as bright lights that shine in the future world Social Media Facebook https://www.facebook.com/leadforhumans/ Linkedin https://www.linkedin.com/in/moecarrick/ Website https://moecarrick.com/ Follow Patti Dobrowolski - Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/upyourcreativegenius/ Follow Patti Dobrowolski - Linkedinhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/patti-dobrowolski-532368/ Up Your Creative Geniushttps://www.upyourcreativegenius.com/ Patti Dobrowolski 00:03 Hello superstars, welcome to the Up Your Creative Genius podcast, where you will gain insight and tips to stomp on the accelerator and blast off to transform your business and your life. I'm your host, Patti Dobrowolski. And if this is your first time tuning in, then strap in because this is serious rocket fuel. Each week, I interview fellow creative geniuses to help you learn how easy it is to Up Your Creative Genius in any part of your life.  Hey, everybody, it's Patti Dobrowolski with Up Your Creative Genius today, I have literally in my mind, a rock star here, Moe Carrick is here. She's on a mission to restore humanity to work, you know, and she does that one people leader at a time, but she does way more than that. And so I'm gonna let her tell a lot about herself. But let me just say that, you know, she's got a master's in OD. She was trained by Brene Brown and dare to lead, she's certified. She's a coach. She's working with people all around the world to help them step into their greatness really, and to make a safe workspace for other people.  And you're so amazing. You've got a couple of best selling books, Fit Matters: How to Love Your Job, and Bravespace Workspace. I remember when that came out. And I was so like, Well, yeah. So I know her because I met her through my partner Julia, who she was the coach at Nintendo, and came in there. And then I was grateful enough to be one of the TED speakers on when she was really running Ted in Bend, Oregon, which you still may be doing. I don't know. But I just want to say everybody get ready, buckle in, because you're gonna get some serious download here. Welcome, Moe. I'm so happy you're here. Moe Carrick 02:00 Oh, thank you, Patti. So good to be here. I just am so happy to be here. And I was laughing in my mind when you said and she's certified some like certifiable, I'm certifiable. That's for sure. Patti Dobrowolski 02:12 Well, you've made a lot of change. So you know, I definitely think we're all certifiable. After you get to a certain age. I either lock them away, or bring them out full force. Right. And you're full force. Moe Carrick 02:27 Yes, that's one way to think about it, I suppose. So happy to be here. Patti Dobrowolski 02:31 Yeah. Cool. Well, would you tell people about yourself, you know, I just gave your shortened bio, because there were so many other pretty words. And then or bio closest with, you know, I'm a white heterosexual woman trying to make a difference in the world. I'm like, Yes, you are. You are doing some great things on behalf of white women everywhere. So thank you for that. So, all right. Moe Carrick 02:54 So that's white woman. We got some issues, but. Patti Dobrowolski 02:57 Oh, God, no doubt. I'm living in Texas. Can we talk about it? Can we talk about it? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's serious. It's serious issues down here. Well tell us about you, tell us your story. Like where you came from? And then how did you get into doing what you're doing now? And etc? And then I'll ask some questions. Moe Carrick 03:18 thank you. So great. Well, it's funny that question like, how did you get into what you're doing now? Because I've been at it such a long time that it requires me to really go back, but it's something I've talked about. Patti Dobrowolski 03:29 30 plus years. Right? Moe Carrick 03:32 Yeah. But I have three millennial or Generation Z children. And each of them in their own way has asked like, there are different stages and the steps on and like, you know, how did you end up? Because I think in their mind, it's like, you just sort of magically appear of love. And it's like, no, that's not how it works. So because I never in my wildest dreams could have imagined doing the work that I do now. You know, do you feel that way, Patti? Like. Patti Dobrowolski 03:57 Yeah, like, who knew? I mean, you know, I was just a baby actor trying to scrape it together being a waitress, right? So to think that this, I mean, just in terms of all the experiences, right, so you too, but where did you grow up? Moe Carrick 04:11 Well, so I grew up on the East Coast. I was born in California, but my parents moved east when I was three. So I grew up in the Boston area. I lived in outside of Boston for most of my childhood, and I went to school in New Hampshire, New Hampshire, as they say, and I was an English major. So like, my passion was actually journalism. And also fiction. I love to read fiction and I think I had in my mind, like, someday I would write you know, the great American novel. Patti Dobrowolski 04:38 I'm sure it's still gonna happen. It's still gonna happen. Trust me. Moe Carrick 04:42 I enjoy reading it so much. And I end up reading business books, which are like nowhere near as interesting, but I was a wilderness guide. So when I was in college, like my passion was being in the outdoors and back then. I mean, there are still today, I'm sure lots of college experience programs that I had spent my summers with my dad In Yellowstone, he was an avid fly fisherman. So I grew up kind of loving the mountains of the West, living in New England, I really dreamed of, you know, going to the west.  And so I started with bicycle tours. I know you're a big cyclist. Yes, I worked for a great little company back when I was still in school called the biking expedition. Ah, we used to go right by, we used to ride right by the Ben and Jerry's headquarters, and we would eat like a pint of Ben and Jerry's. It was so good. But I went from there for bicycle guiding to working for Outward Bound, which I had been a student without rebound. And I really love the transformative experiences. And then I went on to work for Knowles, which is the National Outdoor Leadership School.  So over a period of like, I don't know, 10 years, I pretty much worked full time in the wilderness between college and kind of during grad school. And then after grad school, and I loved being out there with groups I loved. It's kind of where I cut my teeth on group work. And, you know, near the end of that time, I started to feel kind of burned out, you know, living out of my car and being outside as much as I was, although I loved it. I really did love the work.  The pay was, you know, a bit small, but a friend of mine, so I was in, I had enrolled in social work school, because I was therapists that work with chemically dependent kids and their families and all that work, but I was starting to kind of burn out. And so a friend of mine was studying OD, organizational development, and she was like, You should come with me to school.  It's really interesting. It's like therapy for adults. At work? So I went to school with her for the day, like I just tagged along, and I was blown away, because I just felt like there's this whole world of people at work, who need help, and leaders who need help figuring out like, how to make work hospitable, you know, for human life. That was back in the 80s. And so, you know, I often say we knew then what we know. Now we are not having necessarily made a lot of progress. But we've made some. Patti Dobrowolski 06:57 Definitely not enough. Moe Carrick 06:59 Yeah, not enough. But I did pivot at that point. I was like, Okay, I'm not gonna become a clinician, I'm gonna go to my master's in OD. And then when I finished grad school, I jumped ship completely. I always joked that I turned in my back then we were like polypropylene, you know, my bonds and my polypropylene. And I put on suits, you know, back then we had like. Patti Dobrowolski 07:20 I remember how Yeah, and you had to like, and you could wear the little tie thing around your neck or not, right? Remember? I never was a man's tie. I'd put that on and then my boss would be like, No, you're not going out like that. I mean, I love nature hair. Moe Carrick 07:39 I would have been great. I hated those bolts. Like what do you do you put a bow like. Patti Dobrowolski 07:45 A bow on it. Just put put a bow on. Right. So then you started to work in OD? Moe Carrick 07:52 I did. I did. I worked in the Seattle area. But then I was in Seattle. And I was working for a company called cost dialer, which was one and yeah, it was a OD but kind of for full, you know, you take the job you can get right. So the jobs that I was training, how to use a billing system, which was not very sophisticated. OD. But it was really interesting. Because the system that we were working was on the next computer do. Patti Dobrowolski 08:18 Oh my god, that is incredible. Moe Carrick 08:22 We were like the only company that ever implemented anything. Jobs is the next. Patti Dobrowolski 08:26 Yes, of course. Moe Carrick 08:27 Is we're like this big, you know. Patti Dobrowolski 08:29 Yes. Moe Carrick 08:29 But it was a really good job for me, like got me over the hump of you know, being in the wilderness. And then now I was in corporate America. And you know, I had a lot of negative feelings about people in corporate America, because I had come from the nonprofit social services side. And here, I found myself with these people that actually were really interesting people making change happen in the world, but they had kind of more means, you know, really. Patti Dobrowolski 08:53 They just made money. That's what I always tell people, you know, you want to go into corporate if you want to make money, you want to feed yourself. Moe Carrick 09:01 Yeah, absolutely. So I made that transition and kind of worked, you know, internally for a number of years, and then in 2001 went out on my own. Patti Dobrowolski 09:08 Oh, 2001. That's so fantastic. I love that. Oh, that's so great. And so now you have really evolved what you've done, right? I mean, you did OD before and I don't know when I came across you maybe 2005 around there 2005 or 2006. And you were doing not traditional OD you would come and facilitate the C level leaders right in their off sites. Moe Carrick 09:38 Right. A lot of offsites and a lot of I would say I was probably I was like your classic custom consultant, you know, I would come in and assess the situation, diagnose them and work with them. Often. I would work with clients for a long period of time, you know, once a year during a period of big transition. So like when I met Julie and Nintendo that's when they went from 2 billion to 8 billion you know, when it was like Super exciting time to consult to them. And so that's kind of what I did for a long time. Because in consulting, I always joke it was basically trading time for money. Patti Dobrowolski 10:08 Yeah, yeah, no doubt, I would agree. I would go around the world and train people in change management. And that's really what I did you know, but I got really good at facilitating in that experience, like you learn how to listen, well, you learn how to move people along, I think, you know, I'm probably more demanding and command than you are in the corporate space, because I really like an outcome at the end, because I'm drawing a picture, it's got to look pretty, right, and got to be finished in some way. So. Moe Carrick 10:50 Don't you think that even Patti, like even when you're drawing, I think one of the things I've always appreciated about you when I've seen you work, and I feel it's like this skill that I've gained by accident as well, which is like you're holding space, which you wouldn't think you're doing much when you're holding space, but like it's so big to hold space and get to that outcome or move those people forward? You're not necessarily doing anything? No, but you're doing so much. Patti Dobrowolski 11:14 Well, and I think this idea of holding space, I was talking to a couple that we had dinner with and we were talking about how do we create change in terms of race and equity, and I was saying, you know, we need to actually have tolerate, and have conversations that are really uncomfortable. And you've gotten very good at that. I mean, that's how I know you is that you are willing to go to the really hard places and hold space. And also help people come to, I would say their senses, but a deeper sense of what is happening in the room. So, you know, say a little bit about what you learned in the Dare to Lead training, and then also what you've been doing around equity and inclusion, because I think people will be very interested to hear that, from your perspective. Moe Carrick 12:11 Thank you. Well, you know, dare to lead. And I started with my relationship with Brene Browns content when it was the daring way. Patti Dobrowolski 12:19 Yes. Moe Carrick 12:20 And what happened to me I had one of those experiences, I'm sure you've had them where I read one of her books, I didn't know who she was from BU. I had, of course been working in emotional intelligence for a long time. And then I read someone gave me one of her books, the Gifts of Imperfection. Patti Dobrowolski 12:33 Yes. Moe Carrick 12:33 And I was like, I'm not a perfectionist, you know, come on. Patti Dobrowolski 12:36 This isn't gonna attach me. Moe Carrick 12:38 No, exactly. And I read it and like four pages, and I'm like, That is me, you know, that is me. And she there was a term she used in that book that really touched me. And it was this it was hustling for worthiness, oh, worthiness. And I was like, Who is this person? Like, that's me. I'm like, tapping. Patti Dobrowolski 12:57 That, made me shiver. That's how much it was, oh, yeah. Moe Carrick 13:01 Me too. And so I started researching her. And at that time, she was, you know, certifying people in a daring way. And I went, I mean, I don't know how I got in, I just, and it was really pretty mind blowing for me, because she was the first person that I've had experience with, in the space of OD work. That was a woman who was like kicking ass. Patti Dobrowolski 13:21 She, she really, really is on her game. Moe Carrick 13:25 Totally. Patti Dobrowolski 13:26 And there's no BS there at all. Moe Carrick 13:28 And there's no there's very few other women in our space who are doing that. Now at that time, she was like, it was mostly therapists, there were about 20 of us in my cohort that were OD just like you guys, wait, I got a book. It's coming for you, you know. And then a few years later, Derek lead came out kind of slightly different body of research. And so I just moved into that work. And I still find that, you know, for me, that work now is a little bit like, you know, when you buy a new car, and you've never seen like a bright yellow, Volkswagen, but. Patti Dobrowolski 13:57 Then you see it everywhere. You know, that's the reticular activating system, you know, in action, that's a part of your brain that it has its own Google algorithm. So when you see something, and that calls it to your brain, and that's why I tell people put the picture of your future somewhere, you can see it every day because it taps the reticular activating system, and it'll pull all the things in the future to you. And you'll see them everywhere. So yeah, so I bet that then you started to see it. Moe Carrick 14:26 Then everywhere. I feel like now in everything I do, I can't get away from courage, vulnerability and shame. I'd like everything with her again, building shame. But I think especially in this work, you know, around diversity, equity, inclusion, belonging and justice, you know, we have to be so brave in that work. And I think, you know, being in the culture of whiteness, and in the culture of the white feminine.  We have some real work to do about what it looks like to stand in grounded competence to shepherd other people's stories to not set to ourselves, and to not be so fragile that we can't actually get a walk through. So I think my feeling is that courage is essential for all of the hard things, you know, that we want in our lives, including partnerships with people that are different than us and effective teams and companies that can meet their mission. And it's all kind of part of the thing.  That's why don't deliver as much like straight here to LEED certifications, and no, no, of course not. I'm a bit cute. And ubiquity. Yeah, what I would say is that it feels like that that's sort of like, you know, that's sort of the compost in the ground that you stand on. Right? Yeah. Patti Dobrowolski 15:37 And so you marinate in that, and that everything else has sprung from some of the concepts there and these other things that I know to be true about you before you did that. You know, I knew you before that time, and then I knew you after.  So I think that one of the things that I'm curious about is when you talk about the fragility of the white woman say more about that, because I'm gay, and we are not fragile. I mean, we are and you can't believe how fragile I've become this year. And so I've really cracked open into that place. But you know, that's the myth is that the gay woman is we're not fragile. Come on, we put up with too much. And we're not going back. Right. But speak to that, because I think that's interesting. I want to know more about that. Moe Carrick 16:25 Well, yeah. And it's funny because like, I use the word fragile in terms of how white women are often enculturated I don't think white women, but actually are fragile, like, Patti Dobrowolski 16:34 No, correct. Moe Carrick 16:35 Gay and straight. Like, they're tough as nails. Right? They give birth, they raise money, they do hard things. I think what's happened, though, and this is, you know, there's of course, people that have researched this, like Deborah Tannen and others, and then there's just most philosophy, right? But what I see play out over and over again, at work, but at home as well is that, you know, it has to do with how we navigate emotion. And I think men and women are acculturated really differently. Men are in culture, that there's one emotion they can feel and express and that is. Patti Dobrowolski 17:06 Anger. Moe Carrick 17:06 Anger. Exactly. And Jennifer Bosa, who's a University of Florida researcher, she talks about this beautiful expression she uses, she says, you know, men have a very narrow band of masculinity. What's acceptable to be masculine is very narrow, and it's basically you can be pissed off, but can't be much else. You know, Boys Don't Cry, man up all that stuff.  So we see the masculine caricature and masculine traits around emotion being really narrow. Women, white women in particular are in culture to really differently, you know, I remember as a child, none of you remember this, but I remember being given a pretty wide swath of emotional expression, I could cry, I could laugh and giggle and be funny and silly.  But what I couldn't do is be angry. Right? That's so what we see is an acculturation of women who get a message that they should be supportive, right, the helper kind of model and they should not ever be angry. And so what happens is we subvert I think a lot of our real feelings into look like other things. Like that's why women, people come to me at work all the time bosses, and they'll say, you know, I don't like meeting with women and giving hard feedback because they cry and they you know, they're so sad and like, they're not sad. They're pissed. Patti Dobrowolski 18:19 Yeah, they just express it in a different way. Right? Yeah, that's right. Moe Carrick 18:25 Because the question so I think what happens is and when we see what's happening, the DEI space of course, we see white women who become woke, let's say a white heterosexual, middle class woman becomes woke, she starts to realize, oh, man, like, I've been upholding patriarchy, I'm part of oppression, I didn't know it.  And they feel terrible. I mean, that feels like crap. When you start to wake up and you get shamed, triggered, you get to feel like, that means I'm not worthy. And so then we become, like, I actually call it empty vessel syndrome, which is we become completely clear, like we go from being well educated, intelligent, articulate women to like, I know nothing. Patti Dobrowolski 19:03 Yeah. Moe Carrick 19:03 And we turn to black and brown people, to gay people, to queer people and trans people and disabled people. And we basically say, I know nothing. You tell me everything. Patti Dobrowolski 19:12 Instead of instead of Oh, educate yourself. Find out, have a hard conversation, but not asking somebody to do it for you. Moe Carrick 19:24 Exactly. And also notice your own story. Yeah. It's your own story. And I mean, I can really I don't think I even knew I was white until I was 24, which is kind of late like you'd think that would be. Patti Dobrowolski 19:34 Yeah. Moe Carrick 19:35 Getting in touch with my heterosexuality took me a few more years after that. Patti Dobrowolski 19:39 Yeah, like, Moe Carrick 19:40 Oh, I'm freak. I'm white. I'm middle class. That's who I am. And so what does that mean to how I show up more? Because if we can't be grounded in our own identity, we can't partner. Patti Dobrowolski 19:52 Oh, it's so true. And I think that most of us, we don't spend time thinking about that, you know, recently I had to look at you know, the non binary whole thing that's happening in the world? And I thought, Well, I've always been non binary. I mean, do I need to change my pronouns? Do I need to come out as trans? Do I need to, I had to, like, investigate these things for myself, because otherwise, I was making assumptions that I was going to stay the same. And that's not how we grow and change.  And that really was hard, and it ripped me open. And I ever have memories, you know, from very young, and I thought, wow, this is life at its best. And I know, from a spiritual perspective, you know, my essence, it was like, Yes, we're having this experience, you're freaking out. I love this, because that means you're going to crack open and be more love.  Right. And I think that's part of what we have during COVID Is that we have this cracking open, and this going inward, which we haven't had in a long time. And so say what you have experienced during COVID? Because I'm curious, like, how did it impact you, your business? Your family? Moe Carrick 21:07 It's been tough. It's been tough for all of us. You know, for me, I call it the great tie off, because I watched my business just Yeah, off the calendar, you know, March of 2021. Like, oh, oh my God. Now I have four employees, I have zero revenue, like, what are we gonna do? Like, I've always traveled for work. That's, you know, been how I had gigs set up for a year in advance, and that just all died. And I did panic.  I mean, I was like, what does this mean? But I also knew that my team was depending on me, you know, so I went into just some shame, like I was sitting with, I'm not worthy. I'm too old to pivot this business. I don't know what that looks like. And then I kind of God, you know, I spoke about that with some people that can handle my unworthiness, you know, and, and got it together enough to talk to my team.  And I basically said, you know, I don't know how we're going to survive this, but I know that we are, I had one team member that was out on maternity one, that's Canadian who had just come back just under the, you know, so. Yeah, so we had to reinvent the business, which was hard and scary. You know, 2020 was definitely a revenue dip. 2021 bounce back really strong, because we moved more to a program model, you know, stuff. Patti Dobrowolski 22:16 Yeah, stuff online. Moe Carrick 22:17 Yeah. Which is not anywhere near as connecting, but it's had some beautiful upsides. Like, I just love being in my own town, you know, do the hobbies that I have, like, I just love that. But I also have it you know, these three kids I mentioned, it's been hard on them. You know, I had one that was a freshman when COVID hit, they are really just beginning to come out of that anxiety place. I've got, you know, we have recovery in our family. It's been hard emotionally on all of us. And Patti Dobrowolski 22:46 kind of, and you lost your mom in the middle of this. Moe Carrick 22:49 Yes, we lost my mom and my father in law we had to. My other one was from COVID. But I think we had lucky with my mom. I mean, not lucky, it's horrible that she died. But we were lucky in the sense that we could be there. You know, my father in law was not we weren't able to visit, you know, and I just think that was really hard for my husband and his widow and stuff.  And, and yeah, that took up a lot of my 2021 was caring for my mom who had my mom had, what do they call it? It's basically medication induced dementia, she had a broken wrist, and then a broken hip and all the narcotics brought her dementia on full force. I didn't even know that was a thing. And so she, you know, my mom's worst fear was to lose her mind in a passive care setting. And that's exactly what happened.  So for me, I was grateful that I was her caregiver, I could be here with her and with her when she died, but, you know, that changes your point of view. So I feel like it's been a transformative period, but also a scary period. And then, of course, on the worksite. And I know a lot of your listeners are in some transition, and we're seeing what everybody's calling the great resignation. I call it the great reframe, you know, yeah, me too. Yeah, they're looking at work. They're like, what? Patti Dobrowolski 24:01 You want to pay me what? To do? What I'd rather start my own business, right? Moe Carrick 24:06 Absolutely. Like, wait a minute, this shouldn't suck. And that's what I've always said, like workplace should not stop. Patti Dobrowolski 24:12 That's right. That's what you're all about. Yeah. And you should feel good. Moe Carrick 24:16 You should feel good. And so for employers and employees alike, for me, it's it's a wonderful time to re to really reshape our relationship with work. And of course, it's hard, very difficult to do in a capitalist society. But I find myself energized by the stories I'm seeing and the way companies I mean, I feel bad for business leaders, because they're like, oh, but on the other hand, they're having to change fundamentally, the cultures that they create in order to be better for people. Patti Dobrowolski 24:46 Well, yeah, and to retain there are people I think this has been the biggest challenge and people will say, we can't keep people I go, Well, you can't keep it well, because you don't have a good workplace environment. And why don't you have that because you never really spent the time to build that, and that takes attention, focus, love, courage, all those things that you talked about.  And then once you have those, and you want to have a good product to whatever it is, if you're in that kind of a service industry or a product industry, that has to be good, too. And then your customers have to be happy and everything's changed so much. It's so up in the air that I wonder, you know, when you think about the work that you're doing now, what is it that most fascinates you? Because the thing that catches your attention? You say, Yeah, more of that. I want to do more of that. Moe Carrick 25:35 Well, I love that question so much. I think there's two things. One is like, I am really captivated by young leaders. You know, like, I'm a baby boomer, and we are acids are entering this workforce, you know, and it is time but we have not nor have the generation xers we've not done a good job handing off the baton. And it's time. It's time. So I see these young people coming in with so many more skills at inclusion. Patti Dobrowolski 26:03 I know well, just smarter. Moe Carrick 26:06 They're smarter. Patti Dobrowolski 26:07 They are like a whole people, Moe Carrick 26:09 They're whole people, they're flexible, they're curious, you know, they have a global perspective, that is mind blowing. So to me, that's super exciting. And my team is young. And I'm so grateful for that. Because I mean, they kind of treat me a little bit like the wise old elder. And I struggle a little bit with even some of the technologies that we use. I'm like, wait, tell me about notion or slack? Like, what do I do? You know, but I'm learning.  So I think young people is just a huge a huge thing for me. The other thing that's exciting for me, but it's also kind of terrifying is a lot of our clients. So as you know, my company was a B Corp for many years, we didn't let that go in 2021, just because it's a lot of work to keep it going. But we have a real passion for business as a force for good. So we've always gravitated more towards private companies, because the public company Leadership Challenge is just so untenable. I mean, you just can't make money up into the right over and over. That's not the natural world war. Patti Dobrowolski 27:01 No. Moe Carrick 27:02 So we do work. And in COVID, we've worked a lot in both healthcare and education. Patti Dobrowolski 27:07 Yeah. Moe Carrick 27:07 And those systems from a, you know, systems thinker in a leadership perspective, they are so broken. Patti Dobrowolski 27:14 I was gonna say broken, and but I didn't know if I could get it out of my lips. Because they are and me too. That's where I've been healthcare and working with education because it is broken. Moe Carrick 27:25 But people are not broken in. Patti Dobrowolski 27:27 Oh, no, the people are. Moe Carrick 27:28 The systems are broken. Patti Dobrowolski 27:30 It's devastatingly broken. So yes. And I think to get into that, like, like, that's a whole topic unto itself, because there are some amazing people that are working to heal that so that it is for the neurodiverse child. And that's what needs to happen. You know, and I think that people don't understand that they think, oh, you know, they're artistic. They're not going to be I mean, like, look, this is the world we live in now.  Right? We messed up the food chain. We fed people to food, and then it shows up in these ways. And we think, Well, how did that happen? Well, yeah. Okay. So you know, these are the ripple effects of it. But I wonder when you think about that, when you envision the future of what you're going to be doing, and what you see out there, the bright light out there, not that bright light, but the bright lights of the really amazing world that we're going to step into, what do you see as part of it? Moe Carrick 28:36 Well, I would say probably two main things that I see when I dream ahead, right. One is leaders who are Through and Through good for people. Yeah, like and you've used the word love a couple of times, Patti today, and I love that you're using that word, because, for me, that's what leadership at its best is all about. It's like leaders who have the capacity to open their heart create real connection.  And I don't mean just leader by positional authority. I think of even a leader in the classroom, my son is substitute teaching, and he told me the story yesterday about a little boy, he was in second grade, this little boy had a scab on his knee. And he said he had to go see the nurse, but the nurse was on break. So my son took him for a walk.  And he said, Tell me, how bad is your pain? scab on his knee? Not an open. My son said it's a one to 10 You know, and he said it's definitely 10. And he was like, well, let's talk about that. They're really like, what about if you actually broke your leg? That might be more but then you know, but what I what struck me about that is that, in this case, leader, my son, substitute teacher had an opportunity for 15 minutes to make a difference to a little boy who's nice, gab was the most important thing for him.  And I think that you know, so when I get excited about the future of the workplace, I think about leaders at every single level who actually have the capacity to love and to connect, not an That unhealthy HR way, but like in a real way that activates the greatness of people. Like that's mind bogglingly exciting to think about. And the other piece, I think, is that people have lives that work that human beings in every sector, including the really dirty, hard, ugly jobs, that they to actually have a life that works. Because we need, you know, we need people to show our horses, and to clean out our drains and serve food, we need those people. But we act like they are not people. Patti Dobrowolski 30:31 Yeah, we act like their slaves. Really, that's what's true. We just treat them like that coming in the house and do the thing by see you later. And I remember one of the great things that I learned living in New York, from the woman that I lived with, there was our production stage manager. And she tipped everybody. And, you know, I took that to heart. And so when ever anybody brings something to our house, I tip them, because they need to know that I appreciate them.  And that I'm not going to take them for granted at minimum wage. And I think that if minimum wage stays where it is, and we continue to treat people like that, just because they don't look like us. They don't have the education we do, or that they're just in a job like that. I mean, I did those jobs. I know you did, too. We did those jobs, we cleaned people's houses. So you know, it's not that far in the past. And if you've never had that experience, go clean somebody's house and see how you like it. Right? You have to really have compassion and empathy for what people are doing to make your life easier. Yes, during COVID, you got to really see that I think, you know, Moe Carrick 31:45 And these health care workers, you know, like, they're just dealing with such bad behavior, oh, waitresses, and waiters who are just getting sexually harassed. Like, we just have a lot. Patti Dobrowolski 31:56 I was thinking about the flight attendants to where people are getting disruptive on the plane, I'm like, please, people sit down. They are not your mother, or father or whoever beat you up, or whatever happened to you that before you came into this plane, please, please just relax. Moe Carrick 32:12 Yeah, yeah. And be compassionate, you know, for ourselves and for others. You know, it seems when I say it out loud, I even look at myself, you probably do this to Kylie. Sometimes I'm like, Oh, God, no, you're just in your mind or like in llama land, you know, but I really am not like I really believe that, that workplaces can be fit for human life, and that there's a place for everyone. You know, there is a place for every worker to bring their good stuff and have it activated. And I just think that we've lost our ability to kind of acknowledge Yeah, in my own sight. Oh, there. Patti Dobrowolski 32:46 Yeah. I love that. I think that when we think about the future, what we would want for myself, I think, oh, you know, even I'm listening to myself, just like the last two minutes. And I think, yeah, you better like work on that. Because that seems like you're like running some sort of program in there. So drop that. And see if you can't drop into a space where you can empathize for both sides here. For the people who can't step up, and the people who can, and the people who are on the receiving end.  I mean, I think that that's what it calls on us is to raise our emotional intelligence so high, that we are look first to see and then look less to judge, look less to judge what's happening in yourself or somebody else, to calm yourself down. You know, do whatever PQ Rep Positive Intelligence thing you can do to get yourself from the back to the front. And, you know, and then step around, apologize, say what's true.  And so if I offended anyone who's listening today, by what I said, or I didn't say the right thing, I just want to apologize in advance and you could write me an email, you know, but I am with Moe. And so she's about creating momentum. And so when you think about creating momentum in the world, what kind of momentum are you interested in creating and what would you tell other people about how they can create momentum? Moe Carrick 34:15 Yeah, it's interesting, because I've noticed and COVID is like, brought this up even more for me, Patti, but like, I definitely narrowed my focus I become more capable of claiming that my theater is work. Like it's work you know, it's the world of work is the one that captivates me in all sectors, but in some like we've talked like in particular. So for me, part of what momentum means is like being able to keep our selves grounded, even when work is not that fun. Because there's still value that we can add and I did a social media posted something about this a couple weeks ago was really interesting kind of attention. It was about how I think that it's BS that we incur Young people were starting to follow their passion. One of my staff members said to me, we were talking about it. And she said, Well, the reason we do that is that our mothers told us that we this is a generation. Patti Dobrowolski 35:10 That's right. Moe Carrick 35:10 Yeah, yeah, our mother told us we could do anything we wanted, that we should hold out until we, you know, found our passion. And I'm like, Yeah, but that's cool. Because like, you put my past. Patti Dobrowolski 35:20 You can't hold out that long. It's not gonna magically appear, you got to work your way up the ladder. And that's right. Moe Carrick 35:28 My passions, me fulfill my life, like I love you've probably seen I write all the time about my horse, who I love and all that I'm never gonna make money as a horse person, like, I'm not that good, you know, but I can indulge that passion. And so I think sometimes we have to put ourselves in the mindset of saying, Okay, this job, or this life circumstance, or this city I'm living in isn't maybe my highest and best right now.  But it's putting me forward, it's giving me a thing that says that I'm learning that I'm growing, that I'm meeting new people, and it's gonna lead me to a different thing. So I think that's for me, what we're meant to me is like being able to tolerate this somewhat uncomfortable now, for the sake of what No, it will bring for us, you know, Patti Dobrowolski 36:10 tolerate the somewhat uncomfortable now, with the knowledge that something great is coming. Right may not be now, but wow, that is, that is deep, that's boom, Mic drop. I mean, it really, it really is, because no matter what age you are, or where you are in your career, or your life, you know, it's not always pretty, I think this is the thing, the myth that we get fed is that, you know, you have this thing, and then it becomes this thing. And it's like, magnificent, and then it remains there.  But in fact, that's not how the world works. It goes like this up and down, and up and down, and up and down. And that resiliency really is key. If you can be resilient to change, you got it. That's it, and that even resiliency changes and the level and degree, and all the hard places inside of yourself. Moe Carrick 37:06 Well, yes, and Patti, I've been doing a lot of work on resilience, as I'm sure you have. And I looked up the word, I don't know, year ago, whatever. And I was really interested to find out that it's a physics term that describes when metal in particular gets deformed. Like it's about our ability to bounce to retake our previous shape, you know, when we get bent out of it. And I think that. Patti Dobrowolski 37:28 When we get bent out of our shape, you get your hearing that right? When you get bent out of shape. So you can reform. Moe Carrick 37:36 Bend to reform, and it may not be the same. In fact, it probably isn't going to be the same when can be done with my co author on my first book Fit Matters: How to Love Your Job, when we were researching our book, one of the things that we thought was a brilliant idea then, and I still do now was that we realized in our interviews in our research that we did identify seven things that people need from work. And those seven things are temporarily sensitive. They change over time. Patti Dobrowolski 38:02 Yeah, they changed over time. Moe Carrick 38:03 What I needed when I was 20 is really different than what I need now at 60. And to me, there's just so much grace, in like, acknowledging and be able to say, you know, wow, right now, this is meeting my needs, because it's allowing me to blank, whatever, and it won't be forever. It will only be for now. Patti Dobrowolski 38:23 And what what a great way of approaching things, I think, is to realize that for this moment, right now, you're in a space where this works. But that space will be transitory. So be sure to appreciate everything that you're experiencing good, bad, indifferent, right? So I can't wait to talk to you again. And I just love you so much. I respect you so much. I'm just in this conversation, I think of the other conversations we've had and how I've grown and changed as a result of listening to you. And so for those of you that are listening, you know, be sure to connect with Moe, she has one of the best posts almost every day you post something right? And they're so interesting, and they take you on a journey. So if you want to evolve and change and be a better leader, you know, follow Moe Carrick because she'll get you some momentum, that's for sure. Moe Carrick 39:26 Well, thank you, Patti. And I want to count right back at you because you have been a real inspiration for me, always, ever since I've known you all those years ago. Because of the visual nature of your work. We use digital recording in our work, you've trained my people, and it's changed everything about how we think and when you launch your podcast, which I'm so honored to be part of. It really is Barbie because I tried to start a podcast in 2020 I interviewed three famous people and then I never launched them. It's like I'm so embarrassed, but I just didn't have it together.  Like I was not ready, and then I've been following your podcast and I just, it's only a few months ago, I said to my team, okay, we're launching the podcast and it doesn't have to be perfect. Like, just don't do it, you know. So you're truly inspiring. And it's especially inspiring for like, that the expression you use of creative genius, like a really that deeper work. That takes us some time to get there. But it's so important. And for me, you know, as someone who has plenty of things to occupy my mind, I can easily fritter away my creative genius on stupid things. But to really tune in and be like, no, actually no, hang in there. The good stuff is coming is really powerful. And you inspire me to be. Patti Dobrowolski 40:38 Oh, thank you so much. Well, I just think that this is the time the time is now. And the opening is now for all of us to step into more of our creative genius. There's no better time than now to start your business to change how you are as a leader to, you know, make friends with people you never thought you would to move to a country. You know, I was gonna say a country, but to a state where you never thought you'd live right? This is the time to do it and know that you can do it. And so I thank you for this time together. And I look forward to doing this again, because this is going to be so fun. All right. Moe Carrick 41:15 Thanks, Patti. Patti Dobrowolski 41:16 All right. Talk to you soon, Moe. All right, everybody, you know the drill, please follow Mo and you know, in the show notes, you'll see all of her social media that you can get in on what she's doing because she's amazing. Okay, until next time Up Your Creative Genius. Let's do this. Thanks so much for listening today. Be sure to DM me on Instagram your feedback or takeaways from today's episode on Up Your Creative Genius. Then join me next week for more rocket fuel. Remember, you are the superstar of your universe and the world needs what you have to bring. So get busy. Get out and Up Your Creative Genius. And no matter where you are in the universe, here's some big love from yours truly Patti Dobrowolski and the Up Your Creative Genius Podcast. That's a wrap.

Do you ever struggle to communicate with your mom? Or feel like you and your spouse sometimes speak different languages? In the final episode of our "Mind Reading 2.0" series, we bring back one of our favorite conversations, with linguist Deborah Tannen. She shows how our conversational styles can cause unintended conflicts, and what we can do to communicate more effectively with the people in our lives.If you like this show, please check out our new podcast, My Unsung Hero! And if you'd like to support our work, you can do so at support.hiddenbrain.org.

Men and women communicate in some fundamentally different ways. Knowing these differences can make us more effective parents as well as better husbands and wives. This week we explain these differences and how they affect our and our teen's lives. In an age of individualism, too many of our teenagers don't believe in differences based on gender. Parents have to be ready to answer their opposition. We reference the book "You Just Don't Understand" by Deborah Tannen

In this second part of this two-part episode focused on the various aspects leading up to Shays' Rebellion, we consider more of the people and circumstances they faced in the lead up to open hostilities, followed by a look at the armed obstruction and then open hostilities that took place during Shays' Rebellion. In doing so, we consult historians Leonard L. Richards, David P. Szatmary, Sean Condon, Michael Lienesch, and Judge, Jonathan Smith. But we also hear the words of historical people like Noah Webster, John Quincy Adams, Prince Hall, and Baron von Steuben. To add greater depth, we consider thoughts from Roger Fisher, William Ury, Bruce Patton, Jim Collins and Stephen Covey. I hope that you enjoy it and that it gives you much to ponder! Some authors and works highlighted in this episode: 1) Getting to Yes, Negotiating Agreement without Giving In, by Roger Fisher, Willian Ury, & Bruce Patton https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Yes-Negotiating-Agreement-Without/dp/0143118757/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=getting+to+yes&qid=1643417885&s=books&sprefix=Getting+to+%2Cstripbooks%2C125&sr=1-1 2) The Argument Culture: Stopping America's War of Words, by Deborah Tannen https://www.amazon.com/Argument-Culture-Stopping-Americas-Words/dp/0345407512/ref=sr_1_7?keywords=deborah+tannen&qid=1643418014&s=books&sprefix=Deborah+%2Cstripbooks%2C117&sr=1-7 --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/historyrevisitedwr/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/historyrevisitedwr/support

Despite increasing attention to equity, diversity, and inclusivity, the pay gap for women has not shifted much over the last 15 years. According to one study of the median hourly earnings for full and part time workers in 2020, women earned 84% of what men earned. Jonathan Bastian talks with NPR host and author Stacey Vanek Smith about empowering women in the workplace and how Machiavelli's “The Prince” might serve as a much needed resource. Later, professor of linguistics Deborah Tannen and author and poet Marguerite Pigeon join to discuss projecting confidence through lingusitic style and fashion.

In this episode of Doing Diversity in Writing, we—Bethany and Mariëlle—talk about marking the unmarked. It's the first episode of three on the topic.   In this first episode on marking the unmarked, we discuss: what we mean by “marked” and “unmarked” how conscious marking and unmarking in our stories make us better writers the “Everyman” archetype in literature how the “unmarked” in Western society is slowly losing that privilege and how uncomfortable that is for them   Some quotes from this week's episode: “As writers, we mark all the time, we mark characters, we mark landscapes, items, ideas, pretty much anything that is in our stories gets either marked or is left unmarked, and both are significant and influence the reader's experience.”   “Marking and unmarking happens all the time for our characters, they do it, and we do it for them above and beyond that. For example, how we describe our character marks or unmarks them, and how they describe or ‘see' the world is also an act of marking or unmarking. Such actions can even drive a story.”   “When I'm writing a character, I'll consider things like, ‘Do they wish they weren't lost in the crowd, do they want to be marked and recognized or do they just want to finally be left alone and invisible? How do their desires show up in their language and how they mark others?”   “This Everyman character can be set into a world or extraordinary and act as the connection to the reader, much like the main character clutching his towel through The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. He's supposed to be the character readers identify with so they can access an alien landscape through him.”   And here are the (re)sources we mentioned on the show: More information on the Russian linguist, Nikolai Trubetzkoy, can be found here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikolai_Trubetzkoy The encyclopedia.com entry “Marked and unmarked terms”: https://www.encyclopedia.com/humanities/encyclopedias-almanacs-transcripts-and-maps/marked-and-unmarked-terms Deborah Tannen's “There's No Unmarked Woman”, printed in the New York Times as “Wears Jump Suit. Sensible Shoes. Uses Husband's Last Name”: https://www.nytimes.com/1993/06/20/magazine/wears-jump-suit-sensible-shoes-uses-husbands-last-name.html Bethany's book Edit Your Novel's Structure: Tips, Tricks, and Checklists to Get You from Start to Finish: https://theartandscienceofwords.com/new-book-for-authors “The US will become ‘minority white' in 2045, Census projects”: https://www.brookings.edu/blog/the-avenue/2018/03/14/the-us-will-become-minority-white-in-2045-census-projects/

On today's episode of Spectacular Vernacular, hosts Nicole Holliday and Ben Zimmer recap the recent New Ways of Analyzing Variation conference for sociolinguistics. They also interview Deborah Tannen, a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University and best-selling author about conversational style. And finally, Barry Lam, host of Slate's philosophy podcast Hi-Phi Nation stops by for some wordplay. We hope you paid attention in your philosophy classes for this next quiz! You could win a year's membership to Slate Plus. Do you have any language questions or fun facts to share? Email us at spectacular@slate.com.   Produced by Jasmine Ellis.  Subscribe to Slate Plus. It's only $1 for the first month. To learn more, go to slate.com/spectacularplus. Here are some notes and references from this week's show: NWAV 49 (the 49th annual meeting of New Ways of Analyzing Variation)  Tweet by Cindy Noir (@Ebonie_QT) that inspired people to record Memojis code-switching between “home voices” and “work voices”  Ben's 2011 New York Times essay, “Twitterology: A New Science?”  Twitter's new Academic Research track  Deborah Tannen's recent New York Times essay on cooperative overlapping, “In Real Life, Not All Interruptions Are Rude”  Sari Rachel discussing cooperative overlapping on TikTok  Deborah Tannen's 2005 book, Conversational Style  Barry Lam's philosophy podcast, Hi-Phi Nation  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today's episode of Spectacular Vernacular, hosts Nicole Holliday and Ben Zimmer recap the recent New Ways of Analyzing Variation conference for sociolinguistics. They also interview Deborah Tannen, a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University and best-selling author about conversational style. And finally, Barry Lam, host of Slate's philosophy podcast Hi-Phi Nation stops by for some wordplay. We hope you paid attention in your philosophy classes for this next quiz! You could win a year's membership to Slate Plus. Do you have any language questions or fun facts to share? Email us at spectacular@slate.com.   Produced by Jasmine Ellis.  Subscribe to Slate Plus. It's only $1 for the first month. To learn more, go to slate.com/spectacularplus. Here are some notes and references from this week's show: NWAV 49 (the 49th annual meeting of New Ways of Analyzing Variation)  Tweet by Cindy Noir (@Ebonie_QT) that inspired people to record Memojis code-switching between “home voices” and “work voices”  Ben's 2011 New York Times essay, “Twitterology: A New Science?”  Twitter's new Academic Research track  Deborah Tannen's recent New York Times essay on cooperative overlapping, “In Real Life, Not All Interruptions Are Rude”  Sari Rachel discussing cooperative overlapping on TikTok  Deborah Tannen's 2005 book, Conversational Style  Barry Lam's philosophy podcast, Hi-Phi Nation  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What better way to learn about "mansplaining" than from two guys who do it for a living? What started as a joke led Frank and Ian down a rabbit hole of linguistics, conversational style, gender differences, and some incredible research from Deborah Tannen.In this episode:● Geographic differences and the varying ways we take turns● How our conversational style is developed as youth● The differences in play between boys and girls● Credit-grabbing and promotions● Who speaks in "I" vs. "We"● Should I ask questions in group settings?● Do you apologize too much?● Should I boast in public?

In a recently published article, Deborah Tannen described the concept of “cooperative overlapping”. In the article, she explains how she coined the phrase in her 1984 book, Conversational Style. The idea is that interrupting someone who is speaking can be a positive: it's meant to show engagement in what the speaker is saying and to encourage the speaker to continue. Read her article here:https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/25/opinion/interrupting-cooperative-overlapping.html?searchResultPosition=1Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Deborah Tannen describes herself as a linguist who studies the mechanics of conversation. Her studies, articles, and books cover a wide range of potentially thorny types of conversation. The key takeaways regarding conflict? Although we may have different approaches to conversation, one is not necessarily better than another. Our challenge is understanding that we have these differences and not jumping to make negative assumptions about them.http://www.deborahtannen.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Go to deployempathy.com to buy the audiobook private podcast, physical book, or ebook!This episode of Software Social is brought to you by Reform.As a business owner, you need forms all the time for lead capture, user feedback, SaaS onboarding, job applications, early access signups, and many other types of forms.Here's how Reform is different:- Your brand shines through, not Reform's- It's accessible out-of-the-box... And there are no silly design gimmicks, like frustrating customers by only showing one question at a timeJoin indie businesses like Fathom Analytics and SavvyCal and try out Reform.Software Social listeners get 1 month for free by going to reform.app/social and using the promo code "social" on checkout.AUTOMATED TRANSCRIPTMichele Hansen  0:01  Hey, everyone, Michele here. Colleen is at a conference this week. So doing something a little bit different this week and wanted to give you a preview of the audio book podcast for Deploy Empathy. So as I've kind of mentioned on previous episodes, I am releasing the audio book every week as a podcast as I record it. Part of the idea of this was kind of to sort of sort of do like I did with the newsletter with the book and sort of you know, do it and you know, sort of chapters at a at a time. And so I didn't have to spend you know, two weeks recording which is just, I didn't didn't really have two weeks, you know, of full workdays to sort of lock myself in a closet and record it. So this is allowing me to record it as I have time. Which is kind of a challenge as I say this right now, my desk is literally surrounded and pillows from the last time I recorded which was like two weeks ago. So So yeah, it's been it's been kind of an interesting challenge. But I have been enjoying it. And it's also allowed me to get feedback on it as well. This is my first time recording an audio book. So if anything sounds weird, or whatnot, like people can, you know, give me feedback, and I get a chance to re record as I go. So, so yeah, so it started in I want to say the end of August. And currently, it's on Part Six, which is the how to talk so people will talk section of the book, which is maybe my favorite section of the book. I admit I was a little bit nervous going into recording these chapters because the tone of voice is so important. And I wanted to make sure that I got that right. And I think I got a little bit in my head about that. But I think it I think it came out Okay, so I think I think I'm happy with it. But so yeah, so So this week you're gonna get a chance to preview the the the private podcast, there are still spots in it if you want to join so it's limited to 500 people and right now I think there's about a little under 200 so there's quite a few spots left if you wanted to, to join along, but also you know what, once the full thing is recorded, which I don't really I guess it'll be sort of end of the year early next year. You know, it'll also be available as a regular audio book not quite sure what I'm going to do with the podcast I'm actually kind of curious to hear if people want that to stick around or whatnot. I don't I wonder if it makes it more digestible to get through but maybe that value is on the you know that it's coming out every week, right now. So yeah, hope you enjoy and Colleen and I will be next back next week.Part Six, how to talk So people will talk. This is the most important part of this book. The tactics you'll learn build toward one goal, creating a bubble of suspended judgment, where the person feels comfortable being open. Throughout this part, you'll also find ways to practice these skills before using them in customer conversations. We'll go into each of these in depth one, use a gentle tone of voice to validate them. Three, leave pauses for them to fill for, mirror and summarize their words. Five, don't interrupt, six, use simple wording. Seven asked for clarification, even when you don't need it. Eight. Don't explain anything. Nine. Don't negate them in any way. And let them be the expert. Love it. Use their words and pronunciation 12 asked about time and money already spent. Lastly, you'll learn how to pull it all together by picturing yourself as a rubber duck. Trust me, it'll take you some time and some practice. But I think you'll notice a difference even in your personal life. By using these phrases and tactics. I want you to make me a promise, you'll only use what I'm about to teach you for good, you won't be manipulative, and you won't use what people say against them. deploying the tactics in this chapter can make someone open up to you much more than they otherwise would. Someone's confidence is a sacred gift. And it should be handled gently, respectfully and ethically. That respect should continue after the interview to I expect you to carry through the empathy you build for the customer well beyond the interview, and use empathy as part of your decision making process. Before we get into the tactics and phrases, it's important to understand just how much these tactics can transform a conversation. I got my start doing proper customer interviews in the personal finance industry. In America, people are generally very private about their personal finance decisions and situations. It's an extremely delicate topic. And because of this, I had to learn interviewing in a rigorous way. I didn't realize how much the techniques outlined in this chapter had woven themselves into my everyday conversation habits until I was at the grocery store a few years ago, I was in line with a dozen items and notice that the cashier hugged the woman in front of me, and they interacted with one another in a heartfelt way. I must have just finished an interview because I found myself asking the cashier about it. me with a smile. Oh, I noticed you hugged her. Is that your sister? cashier? No, she's just a longtime customer. I've worked here for a long time. me. Oh, you have? cashier? Yeah, almost 20 years. I'm due to retire soon. Companies changed a lot in that time. me. Oh hasn't. cashier proceeds to tell me about how the store chain was bought out by another chain 10 years ago, how they changed the retirement plan how she's worried about having enough income from Social Security, her 401k her old pension and retirement and how she's making extra 401k contributions. This was all in the span of less than five minutes. As she rang up the dozen or so items I had in my basket. It's important to note that this cashier wasn't just a particularly chatty person. This was my local grocery store. And I had been there a few times per week. For several years at this point. I'd been in this woman's line many many times. And we had never had more than a simple polite conversation about the weather, or how busy the store was that day. I went home and told a former co worker about it and joked Do I have Tell me about your retirement planning written on my forehead. I was amazed that a stranger had told me that kind of information in such a short amount of time. My former co worker pointed out that it was a sign of just how much interview skills had worked themselves into my everyday conversation style. And how I become so much more effective at digging into the heart of an issue without too much effort. For someone who's only negative mark in their first professional performance review was that I was abrasive and was diagnosed with a DD it'll 11 years old, it came as quite a shock to realize I now had an active listening conversation style without even realizing it. That experience taught me how we need to be careful with these skills, and to know when to hit the brakes. It's a person's decision what to reveal. But I always keep that story in mind and remind myself to back off or shift topics. When it seems like someone is on the verge of saying too much. It's possible to make someone too comfortable and safe. It's always okay to say thank you for telling me that I was wondering if we could go back to something you said earlier. I'm curious about something else. It also reminded me of how so many people don't have people in their lives who will just listen to them. Especially about things that are processes or tasks they complete daily or goals that are top of mind. The cashier at the grocery store clearly spent a lot of time thinking and worrying about the different sources of Income she'd have in retirement and whether they would be enough, but maybe didn't have anyone who would listen to her talk about that. I find that once you build trust with someone and show them that you're willing to listen, they will talk. Because no one has ever cared about that part of their daily life before. Maybe they grew up to a co worker about how long something takes, but they've probably never sat down and had someone genuinely ask them what they think about creating server uptime reports or following up on invoices, they've probably never really talked through where they spend a lot of time the tools they use, and so forth. They've probably never had anyone care enough to try to make it better for them. Just being a presence who's willing to listen is more powerful than people realize how customer interviews differ from other kinds of interviews. If you're already familiar with other kinds of interviewing, it might be interesting for you to read with an eye for how this kind of interviewing differs, journalistic interviewing, motivational interviewing and a negotiation based interview all bears similarities to user interviewing, yet they also have significant differences. The first professional interview I ever did was the summer I was interning at the Washington bureau of a British newspaper. the BP oil spill had happened a few months earlier. And my boss asked me to interview someone thinking back that was a very different interview from the customer interviews I started doing years later, in that BP oil spill interview, I was digging for information and I was looking for specific quotes that could be used in an article I already knew about the oil spill, so I wasn't looking to learn their perspective on it. Instead, I needed them to say specific things and say them in a quotable way. Customer interviews by contrast, are all about diving into how the other person perceives an experience and intentionally suspending the desire to validate your own ideas. Later, after the interview has finished, you can analyze the interview and see what opportunities might exist. We'll talk about that more in Part Eight analyzing interviews. Chapter 25 use a gentle tone of voice.In Chris Voss, his book never split the difference. He suggests using a late night DJ voice in negotiations. You're listening to wb mt 88.3 FM therapists will often speak in soft slow voices as a method of CO regulation to calm their patients. These techniques help put the other person at ease and create an environment where they feel safe. These techniques apply when you're talking to customers to a customer interviews should be conducted in the most harmless voice you can possibly muster. Imagine you're asking a treasured older family member about a photo of themselves as a young person. There might be a gentle, friendly tone of voice, a softness to your tone, genuine judgment free curiosity. Or perhaps picture that a close friend has come to you experiencing a personal crisis in the middle of the night. You would listen to them calmly and just try to figure out what was going on. You probably wouldn't start offering ideas or solutions to their problem and would focus on helping them get back to a clear state of mind. use that same gentleness in your customer interviews. It's important to note though, that you cannot be condescending. I purposefully do not say to speak to them like you would a child because people have very different ways of talking to children. Think of your customer as someone you respect and you can learn from because you should and you can. Why did you do it that way set in a medium volume voice with emphasis on certain words could make it sound accusatory and put them on the defensive versus will lead you to do it like that. And a gentle, unassuming, curious voice will help them open up. Try this now. The next time a friend or family member comes to you with a problem. Intentionally use the gentlest voice you can muster when you talk to them. The next time use your normal approach. Notice whether the person reacts differently. Chapter 26 validate them. books on product development often talk about validation, validating ideas, validating prototypes, validating business models.This chapter is about an entirely different kind of validation. It's a pivotal part of getting someone to open up to you. This chapter is about what psychologists and therapists describe as validating statements. These are specific phrases you can use to show someone that you're engaged with what they're saying. It's okay to have trepidation about what you would say in an interview, and how you would come up with follow up questions. Yet most of what you say during an interview aren't questions at all. Instead, you use validating statement It's that shows someone you're open to what they're saying and are listening. Your goal is for them to talk as much as possible. And you as little aim for the interviewee to do 90% of the talking in the interview. In a customer interview, you use validation, even when you don't necessarily agree with what they say. Or even if what they say sounds absurd to you. It does not mean that you agree with them. It is instead a way of recognizing that what they think and do is valid from their perspective. You cannot break that bubble of trust ever, even when something wacky cans, which I can. In a memorable interview years ago, the interviewee suddenly said, Sorry, I'm eating a case of beer right now, about 45 minutes into the phone call. Mind you, this person had given zero previous indications that they were eating. My research partner, the unflappable research expert, Dr. Helen fake, just rolled with it and said, Oh, you're fine. Notice what she said there. She didn't say no worries or not a problem or don't worry about it, all of which either hinge on negating a negative word, worries problem, and thus leave the negative word in the person's mind. Or invalidating instead told him he was fine. Not, that's fine, which is abstract. But explicitly putting the interviewee as the subject. And that saying that he is fine, which validated his state as a person. It was subtle yet next level of conversational jujitsu that will start to come naturally to you, the more you practice this, you also cannot say that you agree with them, or congratulate them, or do anything that implies that you have an opinion. Even if it's a positive opinion, this is probably one of the strangest parts of how to make an interview flow. And for many people, it runs counter to their built in instincts to be positive and encouraging. The person you're interviewing may ask you if you agree, and you need to purposely find a way to make that question go away. I can see where you're coming from on that. Can you tell me rather than Yeah, I agree. agreeing or disagreeing will remind them that you're a human being with opinions and judgments, and the trust will start to melt away, you almost want them to forget that you're a person. For example, when I was interviewing people about their finances, they would admit to doing things that a financial planner or portfolio manager would never endorse, even though we knew that we couldn't correct them. We also couldn't agree with them, either. We were searching for their internal logic and thought processes. And if we were introduced outside information, or agree or disagree with them, they would have shifted into trying to impress us and holding back information, examples of validating statements. That makes sense. I can see why you would do it that way. I'm interested to hear more about how you came to doing it that way. Would you be able to walk me through the context behind that? I can see what you're saying. It sounds like that's frustrating. That sounds like that's time consuming. It sounds like that's challenging. Sounds like you think that could be improved? Can you help me understand What went through your mind? When? Can you tell me more about? It makes sense. You think that? It makes sense? You do it that way? Sounds like there are several steps involved. I'm curious, can you walk me through them? Sounds like a lot goes into that.When using validating phrases, I encourage you to use the word think instead of feel. Some people I've noticed will find it insulting to say that they feel a certain way. But think is interpreted as more neutral and factual. For example, you feel the process is complicated. Versus you think the process is complicated, or better. The process is complicated. And remember, most people like to think their job is challenging. years ago, I heard someone talk about their recent move to LA. their spouse was in the entertainment industry and this person was not. And they kept finding themselves struggling to make conversation at cocktail parties. But eventually they learned a trick. Whenever someone said what they did, they replied with that sounds challenging. Even if the person's job sounded easy or boring. People would open up because it felt like a compliment. And it would lead to an interesting conversation about the things that person did at work. What that person found was that encouraging someone to keep talking requires Turning the conversation back over to them. Rather than offering your own ideas. Try this now. The next time a friend or family member shares a problem with you and does not explicitly ask you for advice, say that makes sense or another one of the validating statements mentioned previously, rather than offering a solution. Sometimes people say I just don't know what to do, which sounds like an invitation to offer a solution but may not be. If that happens, ask them about what they've already tried. Chapter 27 leave pauses for them to fill. Several years ago, I was sitting in the audience at the DC tech meetup. I was there to support a friend who was giving a presentation. And something one of the panelists said stuck with me and it's something I remind myself about during every customer interview. Radio producer melody Kramer was asked what she had learned while working for Terry Gross host of the long running NPR interview show fresh air. She said that Terry Gross his interview strategy is to ask a question and then to wait and wait and wait at least three long beats until it is uncomfortable. Quote, the other person will fill the silence and what they fill it with will often be the most interesting part of the interview. I remember Cramer quoting gross as saying this tactic of saying something and then waiting at least three beats for the other person to fill it is something that I use in every single interview often multiple times. The length of what feels like a long pause varies from person to person. The research of linguist Dr. Deborah Tannen, shows that people from different American regions tend to have different conversation styles. A coordinator her research, people from the northeastern us may talk over one another to show engagement. While California and may wait for a pause to jump in. People from different continents can have different conversation styles to people from East Asia may wait for an even longer pause and could interpret what seems like a suitable pause to the California as an interruption. A three beat pause may seem long disarm and normal to others. I encourage you to experiment with us and add an extra two to three beats on top of whatever is normal for you. In addition to pauses, I also encourage you to notice whether you provide prompts and additional questions. What do you do if the other person doesn't respond right away? Imagine you're trying to figure out what kind of delivery to order for dinner with a friend or spouse. Do you say Where should we order takeout from and let it hang? Perhaps you had possible answers like where should we order takeout from? Should we get pizza? Chinese sushi? One of the ways people make a typical conversation flow is by adding these sorts of little prompting words, when someone doesn't reply immediately. Maybe the prompting is an offering answers like above. And it's just a rephrase without offering an answer like where should we order takeout from? Do you wanna? while adding gesticulation. In an interview, you need to avoid prompting as best as you can, lest you influence the person's answer. When you ask a question, you need to let it hang and let the customer fill the silence. So can you tell me why you even needed a product like your product in the first place? And wait?Don't prompt. If they don't reply right away? Don't say was it for use case one, or maybe use case two? Just wait. I know how hard this is. In fact, there's a point in the example customer interview where I slipped up and prompted cool was there, or is there anything else? Did you have any other questions or?Drew  24:10  No, I think that's everything I have.Michele Hansen  24:14  Now, sometimes it might get truly awkward. The person you're interviewing may not respond. If they say, Are you still there? You can gently bring the conversation back to focus on them and say something that elevates what they've already said like, Yeah, I was just giving you a moment to think. Oh, I was just jotting down what you just said that seemed important. And then rephrase what you'd like them to expand on. Yes, I'm still here. Do you want to come back to that later? Oh, we just sounded like you're about to say something. If anything too long pauses and the interviewers phrases the follow, make the customer feel even more important and reinforce that they are in the dominant role in this conference. It puts them in the role of teacher which marketing psychology expert Dr. Robert Steele, Dini, has identified as a powerful way of influencing another person's behavior. You want them to teach you about their view of the process. And this sort of almost differential treatment through pauses, helps elevate them into that teaching position. To get the answers you need about the customers process, you need to create a safe judgment free environment, you need to hand the stage entirely over to the customer, and talk as little as possible. And leaving silences without prompting is one of the ways you can do that. Try this now. The next time you're having an everyday conversation, not a tense conversation, not appointed conversation. Notice whether you ask a question and wait. Chapter 28 mirror and summarize their words. I have a friend who used that a parrot named Steve. I remember listening amused as he told me about the conversations he had with Steve. This was years before I learned about active listening. And now it makes more sense to me why parrots are great conversationalist, even though their vocabulary is limited. What parents do is repeat words back at people and repeating words back at someone and rephrasing what they've said, as the magical power of encouraging them to elaborate. It's a tactic that therapists and negotiators use all the time. CHAPTER TWO OF never split the difference by Chris Voss is a deep dive on mirroring. And you can also learn about it and nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Consider this excerpt from the example interview, I wasn'tDrew  26:44  really seriously considering anything that had a paywall on it was I wasn't sure that it would ever pay itself back off. I knew there were other options out there that would either require moving our storage and our database altogether, which didn't really seem appealing, or having two different services, one to manage each. But then the storage still being just as complicated only somewhere else.Michele Hansen  27:07  It sounds like you had a lot of things you were trying to like wave back and forth about whether you should sort of try to plunge forward with this thing that was already being very frustrating. Or then all of the the negative effects of switching and all the complications that that would introduce.Drew  27:23  I really didn't want to spend a whole lot of time investing, you know, building up a new infrastructure for a new product for new servers to handle this one thing that I think the most frustrating part was that it worked in now it doesn't.Michele Hansen  27:36  You'll notice there aren't any question marks and what I said as a follow up. I rephrased what he said as a statement, which then prompted him to expand on it. This is a combination of two conversation tactics, mirroring and summarizing, mirroring is repeating what someone has said. And summarizing is when you rephrase what they have said, and sometimes label their feelings, you can hear another example of mirroring in the sample interview, he describes himself running into a lot of walls, jumping through a lot of hoops. And that phrasing is mirrored back for elaboration.Drew  28:10  And Firebase Storage just did not work as easily. As it was we found ourselves running into a lot of walls, jumping through a lot of hoops just to make the simplest things work.Michele Hansen  28:22  Can you tell me a little bit more about those hoops and walls that you ran into? negotiation expert Chris Voss notes that it's important to say it rather than I, when summarizing, it sounds like is more neutral, then I'm hearing that since in the second one, you're centering yourself as the subject, but the first phrase centers the situation. For example, if your spouse or roommate comes home seeming frazzled, man, what a day, I had, like 10 calls today. You mirroring. You had 10 calls today. The other person? Yeah, and then my last one didn't even show up and I'd had to cut the previous call short to make it. If I'd known they weren't going to show up. I could have gotten this thing sorted out and then I wouldn't have to work tonight. You summarizing and labeling. Sounds like you had a lot of calls today. And because someone didn't show up, you're feeling frustrated that you have to finish your work tonight. Notice that none of these follow ups or questions? Oh, are you talking to new clients? The clarifications are simple restatements of what the person has said without added editorial zation of the events. Try this now. When a friend or family member says something to you about their day, try stating back at them what they've said. Then try summarizing what they've said as a statement. Sometimes a gentle upward tone implies interest more depending on the person

"As offices and schools reopen, and we venture into more in-person social gatherings, we're having to relearn how to have conversations," says Deborah Tannen.

Episode Summary: Can we talk for a minute? (Tevin Campbell voice,) (if you know, you know) But for real y'all, does it ever feel like you and your partner can't get the communication right or better yet that y'all don't speak the same language? This week Brandan and Ciandra review their thoughts and feelings about sociolinguist Dr. Deborah Tannen's book “You Just Don't Understand Women and Men in conversation”. You don't want to miss the insight or the spice. Pull up a seat and let's eat. Intro/Outro music song ‘Yip' by: Clueless Kit at https://soundcloud.com/cluelesskit --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/thebuffetpod/support

Deborah Tannen is a Professor of Linguistics at Georgetown University and author of many books and articles about how the language of everyday conversation affects our relationships. Of her previous books, the best known is You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, which was on the New York Times bestseller list for nearly four years, including eight months as No. 1! We also loved You're The Only One I Can Tell: Inside The Language Of Women's Friendships and had to get Deborah on the podcast to share her wisdom!   In this episode, Candice Bartlett digs in a little with Deborah to discuss the ins and out of female friendships and how communication plays a role in shaping those relationships.   Find out more about Deborah Tannen Check out her new book Finding My Father

Have a listen to our song of the day: "White Wooden Cross."A Chicago Tribune article about roadside memorials felt appropriate given Wilco's Chicago ties.Susan Miller Tweedy continues to battle cancer. This is her most recent update and the fundraiser is active as of 5/25/2020. Plus, the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society is always accepting donations. Please give if you're able.Jeff Tweedy talks about both of his parents, both no longer with us, in Let's Go (So We Can Get Back): A Memoir of Recording and Discording with Wilco, Etc., which we have referenced many times.The book Meredith mentions that includes a section on "troubles telling" is You're the Only One I Can Tell by Deborah Tannen - highly recommended.The albums Warm and Sukierae came up again in this episode.This video is called "Jeff Tweedy on the idea of the tortured artist," so it should be the one Mary was talking about.Van Gogh said, "To do good work one must eat well, be well housed, have one's fling from time to time, smoke one's pipe, and drink one's coffee in peace." This supports Mary's assertion that he did his best work when he was centered and healthy.Is the guitar Flamenco-y?Here are the lyrics to "White Wooden Cross."Here's the sound it makes when the bokoblins blow their horns (for the whole band) in Zelda: Breath of the Wild."Citizens" is our next song.

JJJJJerome Ellis used to think his stutter was his fault. But he's done blaming himself. This is the story of how he took his time back – and how disability, gender, and race all affect our access to time. Guests: cultural critic, academic, and activist Brittney Cooper, linguist Deborah Tannen, and composer, performer, and poet JJJJJerome Ellis. Part 5 of 6. Hosted by Rebecca Asoulin and Eoin O'Carroll. Visit csmonitor.com/time for the full transcript, episode art, and links to the research and performances mentioned in this episode.

JJJJJerome Ellis used to think his stutter was his fault. But he's done blaming himself. This is the story of how he took his time back – and how disability, gender, and race all affect our access to time. Guests: cultural critic, academic, and activist Brittney Cooper, linguist Deborah Tannen, and composer, performer, and poet JJJJJerome Ellis. Part 5 of 6. Hosted by Rebecca Asoulin and Eoin O'Carroll. Visit csmonitor.com/time for the full transcript, episode art, and links to the research and performances mentioned in this episode.

JJJJJerome Ellis used to think his stutter was his fault. But he's done blaming himself. This is the story of how he took his time back – and how disability, gender, and race all affect our access to time. Guests: cultural critic, academic, and activist Brittney Cooper, linguist Deborah Tannen, and composer, performer, and poet JJJJJerome Ellis. Part 5 of 6. Hosted by Rebecca Asoulin and Eoin O'Carroll. Visit csmonitor.com/time for the full transcript, episode art, and links to the research and performances mentioned in this episode.

In this first-ever full episode of History Revisited With Reflection, I explore the influences on the creation of the Articles of Confederation, but also make sure to build in moments to reflect both on our own lives, and on this moment in history. To help us in this reflection we consider the works of Naomi Cline, Deborah Tannen, and several source documents as well. For a full list of the sources used please visit my website at, https://historyrevisitedwr.weebly.com/. Some authors and works highlighted in this episode: 1. The Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism, by Naomi Cline https://amzn.to/3x8KghB 2. That's Not What I Meant!: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships, by Deborah Tannen https://amzn.to/3f6GiQK 3. Roger Williams and the Creation of the American Soul: Church, State, and the Birth of Liberty, by John M. Barry https://amzn.to/2VeSckg *This podcast receives a small commission for any purchases made from these links. Thank you for supporting this podcast and the work of these authors! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/historyrevisitedwr/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/historyrevisitedwr/support

Bookwaves/Artwaves is produced and hosted by Richard Wolinsky. Links to on-line and streaming local theater & book events   Artwaves Theatre In the Time of Covid Pam MacKinnon, Artistic Director of A.C.T., American Conservatory Theatre, in conversation with host Richard Wolinsky. Now in her third season as Artistic Director, Pam MacKinnon has had to rearrange her life (which was already in flux, still learning about her new home town of San Francisco) and the work of her organization in order to survive the complete shutdown of live theatre in America. A noted theatre director before joining A.C.T., Pam MacKinnon won an Obie and then was nominated for a Tony on Broadway for Clybourne Park. A leading director of the works of Edward Albee, she won a Tony Award in 2013 for a revival of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf. In the Bay Area, most notably, she directed Albee's Seascape for ACT during the 2018-2019 season, and before that, directed the musical Amelie at Berkeley Rep. In this interview, she discusses the changes A.C.T. was forced to make to deal with the shutdown, the rise of streaming, working with other companies, and coming up with new ways to survive the pandemic, including a host of streaming options at act-sf.org. Complete 48-minute interview.   Bookwaves David Grann,  in conversation with Richard Wolinsky about “The Lost City of Z,” recorded in the KPFA studios in 2009. David Grann has become one of America's leading writers of non-fiction. Having written pieces for The New Yorker and New Republic as a staff writer, his first book was titled The Lost City of Z, which was adapted into a film in 2017 and now streams on Amazon Prime. Since that time, he has published three books, The Devil and Sherlock Holmes, Flowers of the Killer Moon – which will become a film when shooting starts next year, directed by Martin Scorcese and starring Leonardo di Caprio and Robert DeNiro, and most recently, The White Darkness, about the British explorer Henry Worsley. :The complete interview can be heard as a 51-minute Radio Wolinsky podcast.     Announcement Links Book Passage. Conversations with authors, all at 4 pm Pacific:  Naomi Wolf, Saturday November 14. Thomas Keller and David Breeden with Ruth Reichl, Monday November 16. Deborah Tannen with Amy Tan, Wednesday November 18. Deborah Madison with Jane Hirschfield, Saturday November 21. James Ritchie, Sunday November 22. The Booksmith  Ron Nyren, “The Book of Lost Light,” with Ann Packer and others, Monday November 16, 5:30 pm. Reza Farazmand, Wednesday November 19, 6 pm. Books Inc ; AJ Sass, Thursday November 12, 6 pm. Bay Area Book Festival Power of Protest: Letters from Hong Kong, Sunday November 15,  5 pm. Unbound events continue. Podcasts of October 3-4 Unbound: All 22 interviews and discussions are now available on demand. Kepler's Books presents Refresh the Page, on line interviews and talks. Registration required. This is Now, with Adam Grant and Ben Cohen, Monday Nov. 16, 5 pm. Shannon Messenger with Roshani Chokshi, Tuesday Nov. 17, 6 pm. Irish Repertory Theatre: Bill Irwin “On Beckett.” Streaming November 17-22, 2020. Free. Reserve tickets up to two hours before selected performance. San Francisco Playhouse. 2020-21 Virtual Season: Art by Yasmina Reza, now streaming, extended through November 21; The Jewelry Box, written and performed by Brian Copeland, streaming November 28 – December 25, 2020; From Blues to Broadway Revue, streaming December 12 – 31, 2020. Custom Made Theatre Upcoming events TBA. Theatre Rhino Live Thursday performance conceived and performed by John Fisher on Facebook Live and Zoom at 8 pm Thursdays is Gordon of Khartoum. Blood at the Root by Dominique Morriseau, directed by Darryl V. Jones, streaming through November 15; Overlooked Latinas, written and performed by Tina D'Elia, streaming Nov. 13-22, 2020. At The Wake of a Dead Drag Queen by Terry Guest, November 10, 7 pm free. American Conservatory Theatre (ACT) Blood Wedding by Federico Garcia Lorca, on demand through Nov.13. Pam McKinnon talks with Annette Bening, Nov. 20 live; Dec. 4 – June 30, on demand. A Christmas Carol, radio adaptation of Carey Perloff's adaptation, streams Dec. 5-31, 2020. 42nd Street Moon. Moonbeams Streaming Series: A Distant Dinner Party with Jess and Jaron, Nov. 12-22 8 pm; Home (literally) for the Holidays, Nov. 26- Dec. 6. Tuesdays: Tuesday Talks Over the Moon, 8 pm: Nov. 17: An Inside Look into playwright Terrence McNally. Every other Friday at 8 pm: Full Moon Fridays Cabaret. Sundays at 8 pm: Quiz Me Kate: Musical Theatre Trivia. Magic Theatre. Escaped Alone by Caryl Churchill, directed by Loretta Greco. A radio play, through Nov. 15. Shotgun Players. The Light by Loy A. Webb, directed by Nailah Harper-Malveaux, Dec 4-12, 7 pm. Preview Dec 4, 7 pm. Opening Night: Dec 5, 5 pm. Berkeley Rep Hershey Felder as Debussy, A Paris Love Story, Nov 22, 5 pm. TheatreWorks Silicon Valley. Two live shows with Hershey Felder from Florence for the Holidays: Claude Debussy, Nov. 22; Tchaikovsky, December 20, both at 5 pm Pacific. California Shakespeare Theatre (Cal Shakes) The Direct Address series continues with Resisting Shakespeare: Or, How to Fall In and Out and In and Out of Love. Shakespeare in Depth, class with Philippa Kelly, registration required. Mission Cultural Center for Latino Arts new on-line programming series featuring classes, concerts, poetry sessions and more. Day of the Dead virtual ritual, Nov.2, live event. SFBATCO Live with Rod and Marce on Twitch TV, every Thursday at 6 pm. Aurora Theatre's A new ticketed audio drama, The Flats, written by Lauren Gunderson, Cleaven Smith and Jonathan Spector, with Lauren English, Anthony Fusco and Khary L. Moye, directed by Josh Costello, streaming now. Aurora Connects conversations every Friday, 4 pm. Tell Tale Hearts: An Evening of Hip Hop Theatre featuring Carlos Aguirre and the Bay Area Theatre Cypher, November 28, livestream, 7 pm Pacific. Marin Theatre Company Lauren Gunderson's play Natural Shocks streams through Soundcloud on the Marin Theatre website. American Dreams, created and developed by Leila Buck and Tamilla Woodard, streaming through Nov. 15. Central Works Bystanders by Patricia Milton, an audio play, currently streaming. The Human Ounce by Nicole Parizeau, audio play, streams beginning Nov. 26, 2020 New Conservatory Theatre Center The Law of Attraction by Patricia Milton, a world premiere radio play, streams through November 18, 2020. The Marsh: International Solo Fest, archived streaming. Josh Kornbluth hosts bingo every Friday at 7:30 pm Brava Theatre Center: Who's Your Mami Comedy, November 19, 7 pm. So Soul, November 21. Pear Theater. Lysistrata, streamed through November 15, filmed live outdoors. Contra Costa Civic Theatre It's a Wonderful Life, a radio play by Joe Landry, streams Nov. 27-Dec. 20. Remote Theater. The Art of Sacrifice by Anthony Clarvoe, with Lauren English and Susi Damilano, original music by Paul Dresher. Saturday Dec. 12, noon Pacific. The Breath Project. Complete collection streaming on demand. Oregon Shakespeare Festival: On-demand audio recordings of early plays; videos of Indigenous Peoples Day 2020, etc. This Is Who I Am by Amir Nizar Zuabi, directed by Evren Odcikin, a co-production with Woolly Mammoth, Nov. 29 – Dec. 27. Atlantic Theatre Company. Reading series TBA. Playbill List of Streaming Theatre: Updated weekly, this is probably the best list you'll find of national and international streaming plays and musicals. Each week has its own webpage, so scroll down. If you'd like to add your bookstore or theater venue to this list, please write Richard@kpfa.org The post Bookwaves/Artwaves – November 12, 2020: Pam MacKinnon – David Grann appeared first on KPFA.

A great wizard once said, “Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it." Humans are social animals who thrive on effective communication. However, each of us has a different communication style, and sometimes, differences in those communication styles inflict injury. In today's world, where communication looks very different than it used to, understanding differences in communication styles and learning to remedy word-inflicted wounds is of utmost importance. In this timely episode, Dr. Deborah Tannen talks with Jill about how communication styles affect our everyday relationships. Join us to learn more on the ‘best' way to talk in different contexts, gender differences in communication styles, saying what you mean, meaning what you say, and much more! Listen and Learn: Dr. Tannen's definition of conversational styleWhy communication style is important in various domains including intimate relationships, workplace relations, and difficult conversations Saying what you mean and meaning what you sayJill and Dr. Tannen's account of gender differences in communication stylesDr. Tannen's wisdom on the ‘best way to talk'What a double bind is and how it affects women Questions and phrases you can use to improve your communication style right nowHow different communication platforms change the intent of your words Resources Link to our sponsorship pageGary Chapman's five love languagesVisit Yael's website to find out more on her work with couples Dr. Tannen's memoir and where you can purchase itInformation on Dr. Arlie Hochschild Dr. Tannen's books, That's Not What I Meant! and Talking from 9 to 5Alicia Menendez's book, The Likeability Trap Dr. Tannen's training video on women's language in the workplace The New York Times' article, It's Not Just You: In Online Meetings, Many Women Can't Get a Word In  About Dr. Deborah Tannen Dr. Tannen is a University Professor and Professor Linguistics at Georgetown University and author of many books and articles about how the language of everyday conversation affects relationships. She is best known as the author of You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, a book that has brought gender differences in communication style to the forefront of public awareness as a New York Times best seller. Her collected works include eight books for general audiences as well as sixteen books and over one hundred articles for scholarly audiences.  Dr. Tannen is one of only six in Georgetown University's College of Arts and Sciences who hold the distinguished rank of University Professor. She has been McGraw Distinguished Lecturer at Princeton University and spent a term in residence at the Institute for Advanced Study in Princeton, New Jersey. She has twice been a fellow at the Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences at Stanford in Palo Alto, California. The recipient of five honorary doctorates, she is a member of the PEN/Faulkner Foundation Board of Directors. Read her recent essays in The New York Times and The Forward or view a full list of her articles for general audiences here. To learn more about what Dr. Tannen is up to, visit her website at deborahtannen.com. Related episodes Episode 163: The Likeability Trap with Alicia MenendezEpisode 165: How We Talk and Why It Matters with Katherine KinzlerEpisode 62: Language, Suffering, and Meaning with Dr. Matthieu VillatteEpisode 104: You're Doing it Wrong with Professors Bethany Johnson and Margaret QuinlanEpisode 121: Be Mighty: An Episode for Stressed Out, Worried Women with Dr. Jill StoddardEpisode 28: Maintaining And Healing Romantic Bonds With R... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Washington Post reporter Dan Balz on covering President Trump and linguist Deborah Tannen on how women support each other with the words they use.

Your Hosts: Howard, Mary, and Dan, with guest-host Susan Chang, and special guest J.R. Johannsen J.R. Johannson joined Howard, Mary, Dan, and guest-host Susan Chang at LTUE 2017 for a discussion of gendered dialect. We lead with a quick introduction to the Genderlect theory, by Deborah Tannen, which uses a very broad brush to describe key differences between the ways men and women in western societies communicate. We then explore the way some of the individual voices we're familiar with have been influenced through gender role, cultural socialization, and even neuroatypicality. Our goal in this discussion is to learn to write dialog which serves our stories and our characters, and  to do so in a way that both leverages and defies the existing stereotypes. Liner Notes: Here is the "My Favorite Murder" Buzzfeed article Susan referenced Gmail Plugin: Just Not Sorry