Podcasts about blue red

Flow State has arrived — and Legacy players are already comparing it to Expressive Iteration.In Episode 113 of In Response – A Legacy Podcast, we break down the hottest new card in the format and discuss whether it's simply strong… or potentially format-warping.Why Flow State immediately slotted into Blue Red and Blue BlackComparisons to Expressive IterationThe instant/sorcery deckbuilding requirementsWhy Doomsday may be one of the biggest winnersNew tempo shells with Delver, DRC, and Stormchaser's TalentMystic Sanctuary discussions returning to LegacyHow the format may adapt to the new card advantage engine“Flow State into Flow State decides games.”“Every deck that doesn't play Flow State has to find a way to beat it.”“This could become Expressive Iteration 2.0.”If you want to stay ahead of the Legacy metagame, this episode is essential. We explore not only where Flow State fits today — but how it could reshape the format moving forward.

With Ruckman out Chris and Ricky tackle the Niv-Mizzet in the room in regards to the upcoming pro tour and talk about a cool new product that you probably won't  get to buy.Want to support the show? You can find our Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/crew3mtg You can now also support us by buying cards through our TCG Affiliate link! http://crew3mtg.com/Buy a playmat or used our Inked Gaming affiliate link here: https://bit.ly/3aX4hzOWant to keep up with the show? Join our Discord http://discord.gg/h62MXE5raf or follow us on twitter @Crew3podcastWant more Crew3 content? Check out our YouTube channel or watch our weekly streams on Twitch.If you like the show, please share us with your friends and leave a review!

Follow us on Metafy - https://metafy.gg/@tfmlorcana **** Follow us on Twitch -https://www.twitch.tv/tfm_dan ** Join the Discord community here - https://discord.gg/yzBHNxk ** Check out our Merch Store - https://the-forbidden-mountain.myspreadshop.com/ *** Is the Infinity format already broken? Week 1 testing data from The Loungers crew doesn't lie — and the numbers are pointing to some major shake-ups in the meta.In this first episode of the Wilds Unknown Podcast, Alex, Braden, Franz, and Dan break down the new set with real playtesting results: which cards are secretly busted, which decks are dead on arrival, and what you should be sleeving up right now.

Chuck Heinz and Jamie Lent talk about Big 12 Basketball, Rhapsody In Blue, Red Raider baseball, Big 12 basketball teams that could make a run in the Tournament, and Baseball expectations.

Join me on the next 4bidden Tour Of Egypt: http://4bk.toursJoin me on the next 4bidden Tour Of Turkey: https://www.4biddenknowledge.com/turkey-tour-2026Join the 4BK Academy; http://4bkacademy.comA Sign in the Heavens: 3I/ATLAS and the Hopi Blue & Red Kachina Prophecy

In this special solosode — and the final episode under The Red Light Report name — Dr. Mike Belkowski closes one chapter and opens another. Before unveiling the podcast's rebrand, Dr. Mike delves into new research on red light therapy and methylene blue, providing clarity, context, and scientific insight into some of the most exciting developments in mitochondrial health.   Dr. Mike explores four cutting-edge studies, ranging from oral health to thyroid support, firefighter wellness, and dentin regeneration. Along the way, he highlights how photobiomodulation and methylene blue work synergistically to optimize mitochondria, reduce inflammation, improve cognitive function, and support long-term vitality.   Expect both a nostalgic look back and a forward-thinking glimpse of what's next — including expanded topics, new modalities, and the next phase of this podcast's mission to cut through misinformation and empower you with mitochondria-focused health strategies. Key Topics Covered: Why The Red Light Report is rebranding into a broader podcast How photodynamic therapy (red light + methylene blue) improves oral health Red light therapy's role in managing Hashimoto's thyroiditis Transcranial photobiomodulation for firefighter brain health and resilience The role of NF-κB in mitochondrial function, inflammation, and longevity Cutting-edge insights into dentin regeneration and dental applications of light therapy Key Quotes from Dr. Mike: “Photodynamic therapy—red light plus methylene blue—is a cheaper and potentially more effective way of combating issues in the oral cavity when it comes to plaque and inflammation. It's truly a winning combination.” “The combination of photobiomodulation with targeted supplementation significantly outperforms supplementation alone in normalizing thyroid volume, improving thyroid function, reducing medication needs, and enhancing health in women with Hashimoto's thyroiditis.” “This pilot study suggests that transcranial and intranasal photobiomodulation may serve as a well-tolerated, low-risk, cost-effective approach to boost mental health, cognitive health, and wellness in first responders.” Episode Timeline: 00:00:27 – Podcast name change announcement & future direction 00:03:00 – Returning to the roots of red light therapy research 00:04:28 – Oral health study: methylene blue + red light for gingival health 00:12:01 – Red light therapy + supplementation for Hashimoto's thyroiditis 00:19:49 – Firefighter mental health & cognition with transcranial light therapy 00:23:38 – Red light therapy and dentin regeneration potential 00:36:15 – Closing thoughts on the future of mitochondrial health Articles Referenced in This Episode:   Impact of Photodynamic Therapy on Oral Health in Patients Undergoing Fixed Orthodontic Treatment: A Randomized Controlled Trial Evaluation of Thyroid Volume Normalisation in Female Patients with Hashimoto Thyroiditis: A 12-Month Comparative Study of Combined Supplements and Photobiomodulation Versus Supplementation Alone Transcranial Photobiomodulation and Firefighter Health and Wellness: A Single-Arm, Open-Label Pilot Study Photobiomodulation Promotes Odontoblast-Like Cell Activity via Reactive Oxygen Species and NF-κB: Implications for Dentin Regeneration SAVE 25% when you SUBSCRIBE to a BioBundle!For a BioBundle, you choose: 1.) Any one BioBlue supplement(BioBlue, BioBlue (SR), BioBlue Leuco, BioBlue Calm, BioBlue Capsules, BioBlue Leuco Capsules, Fountain of Youth or Fountain of Youth Leuco)2.) Any one BioESS60 supplement (Regular or Concentrated)   The BioBundle automatically saves you 15% on both supplements.You save an additional 10% by choosing to Subscribe to that BioBundle.The 25% savings is passed along for every monthly delivery of your BioBundle!No discount code necessary. Discount automatically applied at checkout.   Checkout the BioBundle by clicking here! Dr. Mike's #1 Recommendations: Water products: Water & Wellness Grounding products: Earthing.com EMF-mitigating products: Somavedic Blue light-blocking glasses: RA Optics Stay Connected:   Dr. Mike Belkowski Instagram LinkedIn   BioLight Website Instagram Facebook

Graham and Eric are back once again to talk about Graham's visit to training camp and his impressions of the players, the facilities, and the fan experience overall. Then, the duo make picks for their potential stars in the upcoming premiere episode of Hard Knocks.Go Bills!

The Buffalo Bills held the final Return of the Blue & Red at the current Highmark Stadium Friday. Quarterback Josh Allen sported the Bills' throwback red helmet. Keon Coleman with a rough start but finished strong. Both the offense and the defense had their moments. Kevin Carroll and Andy Young with their thoughts and more on the latest Buffalo End Zone podcast.

On The BIG Show today, we discuss how to explain the elections to your kids, all about hotels and their carbon footprints, and what dreams we want to achieve! Connect with us on Instagram: @kiss92fm @Glennn @angeliqueteo Producers: @shalinisusan97 @snailgirl2000See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On The BIG Show today, we discuss how to explain the elections to your kids, all about hotels and their carbon footprints, and what dreams we want to achieve! Connect with us on Instagram: @kiss92fm @Glennn @angeliqueteo Producers: @shalinisusan97 @snailgirl2000See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Join Jim and Sheeny this week as they begin the wild adventure in the world of Pokémon as they decide to make a mini series as they make the episode of how they would make their way through the Pokémon Blue/ Red games so join Ash and Jim as they begin their journey from Pallet town to the Viridian Forest.   Join The Summoning Boys : On YouTube - www.youtube.com/@hownottosummonapodcast On our Facebook page- www.facebook.com/HowNotToSummon On Discord - https://discord.gg/MsaH4b5jb6 On Twitter- www.twitter.com/HowNotToSummon

Sam breaks down UR in BLB Draft Check out our sponsor Untapped GG at our affiliate link:⁠https://mtga.untapped.gg/companion?utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=draftingarchetypes⁠ Patreon:⁠https://www.patreon.com/draftingarchetypes⁠Swag Store:⁠https://my-store-d775a7.creator-spring.com/⁠ Follow Sam:Twitter: ⁠https://twitter.com/SamuelHBlack⁠Twitch: ⁠https://www.twitch.tv/samuelhblack⁠ Join Sam's Discord at:⁠https://discord.gg/PKCZvatEFp

Dafore's Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@dafore_ Kyle Rose AKA thehamtv's Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@TheHamTV Limited Level-Ups Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/limitedlevelups Limited Level-Ups Discord: bit.ly/jointhedischord Limited Level-Ups Podcast:https://limitedlevelups.libsyn.com/ Alex's Coaching Email: chordocoach@gmail.com UntappedGG Affiliate Link (download today! It helps the channel) : https://mtga.untapped.gg/companion?utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=chordocalls

Dylan, Cam, and Tyler discuss the white, blue, red, and black cards from Modern Horizons 3 that may impact cEDHSUPPORT THE SHOW:PATREON - https://www.patreon.com/playtowinDRAGONSHIELD AFFILIATE LINK - https://dragonshield.com/?ref=playtowin Use this code for 5% off!: playtowin5TOKENS/PLAYMATS/SLEEVES/COINS - https://www.playtowinmtg.com/merchSHIRT DESIGNS - https://www.bonfire.com/store/play-to-win/TCG PLAYER AFFILIATE LINK - https://shop.tcgplayer.com/magic/product?utm_campaign=affiliate&utm_medium=PlayToWinMTG&utm_source=PlayToWinMTGALTERSLEEVES - https://www.altersleeves.com/playtowinLINK TREE - https://linktr.ee/playtowinmtgAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Sam takes a look at Izzet in the newest #MTG #Draft set Check out our sponsor Untapped GG at our affiliate link:https://mtga.untapped.gg/companion?utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=draftingarchetypes Patreon:https://www.patreon.com/draftingarchetypesSwag Store:https://my-store-d775a7.creator-spring.com/ Follow Sam:Twitter: https://twitter.com/SamuelHBlackTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/samuelhblack Join Sam's Discord at:https://discord.gg/PKCZvatEFp

Sam takes a look at Izzet in the newest #MTG #Draft set Check out our sponsor Untapped GG at our affiliate link:https://mtga.untapped.gg/companion?utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=draftingarchetypes Patreon:https://www.patreon.com/draftingarchetypesSwag Store:https://my-store-d775a7.creator-spring.com/ Follow Sam:Twitter: https://twitter.com/SamuelHBlackTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/samuelhblack Join Sam's Discord at:https://discord.gg/PKCZvatEFp

This claim that conservative governments result in higher crime rates is clearly a leftist spin on the facts. The data shows blue counties are increasing the crime rates. Don't let them manipulate you – check out Saving America 274 to learn more!   Thanks for joining me for this episode! I'm a Houston- based attorney, run an HR Consulting company called Claremont Management Group, and am a tenured professor at the University of St. Thomas. I've also written several non-fiction political commentary books: Bad Deal for America (2022) explores the Vegas-style corruption running rampant in Washington DC, while The Decline of America: 100 Years of Leadership Failures (2018) analyzes – and grades – the leadership qualities of the past 100 years of U.S. presidents. You can find my books on Amazon, and me on social media (Twitter @DSchein1, LinkedIn @DavidSchein, and Facebook, Instagram, & YouTube @AuthorDavidSchein). I'd love to hear from you!   As always, the opinions expressed in this podcast are mine and my guests' and not the opinions of my university, my company, or the businesses with which I am connected.

This podcast is the ninth (of ten) of my three-color philosophy series. In this one, I talk blue-red-white.

This podcast is my seventh (of ten) in my series on three-color philosophies. Today, I talk all about green-blue-red.

blue heaven --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/aei-leon/message

Carl and Garrett debate one of the best uncommons in the best performing color against one of the best commons in the second best performing color. Check out Carl's article about forcing Blue Red on the Mystical Dispute website!Short form limited Magic: The Gathering debate podcast co-hosted by Carl Chase and Garrett Gardner, who debate cards and quick topics about the latest draft format.Support Mystical Dispute on Patreon (patreon.com/mysticaldispute) and visit our website (mysticaldispute.com). Carl Chase is on Twitch (twitch.tv/twoduckcubed) and Twitter (twitter.com/twoduckcubed), and Garrett Gardner is on Twitch (twitch.tv/ggards) and Twitter (twitter.com/theGGards).

In this super biohacking-based episode, Angela talks all things mitochondrial health, brain health and light therapy with Dr John Lieurance, the author, physician and scientific advisor of MitoZen.com. Angela and Dr John talk about how you can use light therapy along with powerful compounds such as methylene blue, fasting and consciousness to dramatically improve brain health and optimise your energy levels. KEY TAKEAWAYS Your body uses glucose and oxygen to function which is combined in a structure called the mitochondria. Each cell has a varying amount of mitochondria depending on the energy demands. If we can be more efficient with our energy production, then we consume less vital nutrients in order to create energy. Young people burn more efficiently, and as we grow older we become less so. Methylene Blue was introduced as a way of staining parasites in the bloodstream in order to observe malaria treatments. This was in the 1800s, and since has become renowned as an anti-microbial. Methylene Blue turns your cells into miniature Tesla coils, super-energy producing machines. For individuals looking for athletic enhancement or an increase in brain power, it can give users a true edge. BEST MOMENTS 'The ATP is to the body what gasoline is to a car' 'When you have an efficient process, you burn less glucose and oxygen' 'Methylene Blue is one of the most powerful brain enhancing substances that I have ever used' 'There's very little downside to this' VALUABLE RESOURCES Take My Biohacking Quiz and Get A Free Personalised Report - www.yourtotalhealthcheck.comBecome an Insider of The Female Biohacker Collective and have Angela as Your Health Coach in Your Pocket - www.femalebiohacker.comFree Fasting Guide - www.angelafosterperformance.com/fastingPodcast Shownotes - www.angelafosterperformance.com/podcasts Thanks to our Sponsor: Bon Charge -  Get 20% off at www.boncharge.com/Angela    To express your interest in the Biosyncing program go to angelafoster.me/biosyncing Stem Cell Treatment,PRP Treatment,Prolotherapy , Ozone - Sarasota, FL (advancedrejuvenation.us) MitoZen Scientific - Advanced Natural Medicine and Detoxification For 10% off all products at mitozen.com use voucher code Angela10 ABOUT THE GUEST John A. Lieurance, ND, DC, DABCN (board eligible) is an Author, Physician, Lecturer, Scientific Advisor for MitoZen.com, and educator to those seeking vitality, longevity, and enhanced consciousness. His interest is in connecting what he calls, "The 3 legs of a stool": Vitality of the body, Mind Mastery & a Direct experience of God. Using science and ancient wisdom, he aims to connect these dots in his own journey to becoming the best version of himself in this life. Diving deeply into many healing methods, to discover the deepest and most profound means to activate cellular energy, such as with Melatonin, Methylene Blue, and NAD+ as well as Fasting with various nutrients to activate responses. Dr. John explores many new paths in the healthcare world, with his unique & fresh ideas using various delivery systems, such as suppositories and nasal sprays, and various protocols he has created. He attended Parker College of Chiropractic & received his Naturopathic degree in 2001 from St. Luke's School of Medicine. He has practiced Functional Neurology, Naturopathic medicine, and Regenerative Medicine, using stem cell therapy in Sarasota for 25 years. Founder of the Advanced Rejuvenation Center in Sarasota, Florida, and founder of Functional Cranial Release - which is an Endo-Nasal Cranial Treatment with the ability to unlock the spinal fluid to allow profound healing of the nervous system. See his next book "It's All in Your Head: Endo-Nasal Cranial Therapy". Dr. Lieurance has been involved in multiple clinical trials including an investigation into the use of stem cells for Parkinson's Disease, COPD, and OA of the knee and hip from 2012-2014. He has a clinical focus on mold illness, Lyme disease, and chronic viral infections. Using natural eastern and western approaches to healing the true source of disease, which lies in the metabolic pathways that are challenged by chronic inflammation resulting in infections and toxicity. ABOUT THE HOST Angela Foster is an award winning Nutritionist, Health & Performance Coach, Speaker and Host of the High Performance Health podcast. A former Corporate lawyer turned industry leader in biohacking and health optimisation for women, Angela has been featured in various media including Huff Post, Runners world, The Health Optimisation Summit, BrainTap, The Women's Biohacking Conference, Livestrong & Natural Health Magazine. Angela is the creator of BioSyncing®️ a blueprint for ambitious entrepreneurial women to biohack their health so they can 10X how they show up in their business and their family without burning out. Angela's BioSyncing®️ Blueprint is currently closed. Click here to get on the waitlist. She is also the founder of The Female Biohacker Collective - the health coaching membership in your pocket - with monthly live masterclasses, coaching calls and biohacking toolkits. To find out more and become a member, click here. The High Performance Health Podcast is a top rated global podcast. Each week, Angela brings you a new insight, biohack or high performance habit to help you unlock optimal health, longevity and higher performance. Hit the follow button to make sure you get notified each time Angela releases a new episode. CONTACT DETAILS Instagram Facebook LinkedInThis show was brought to you by Progressive Media

This week Sam Black dives into Red Blue decks in Tales of Middle Earth draft. Patreon:https://www.patreon.com/draftingarchetypesSwag Store:https://my-store-d775a7.creator-spring.com/ Follow Sam:Twitter: https://twitter.com/SamuelHBlackTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/samuelhblack Join

This week Sam Black dives into Red Blue decks in Tales of Middle Earth draft. Patreon:https://www.patreon.com/draftingarchetypesSwag Store:https://my-store-d775a7.creator-spring.com/ Follow Sam:Twitter: https://twitter.com/SamuelHBlackTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/samuelhblack Join

A micro dose of chemistry coming your way today in the form of OXIDATIVE DYES. Hard pill to swallow + and unpopular truth: THERE ARE NO BLUE, RED + YELLOW DYE MOLECULES IN OXIDATIVE HAIR COLOR. I know I know, this is quite contrary to what you have been told, but listen to this episode and hear me out!   There's so much chemistry involved in hair coloring, and if you're interested in learning more about the science, chemistry and artistry of what we do behind the chair to BEST PREDICT how your formulas are going to turn out, you need to sign up for The FUNdamentals Course-Shop, HERE!   If you found value in this episode, please share and tag me @this_is_araz and make sure to subscribe to get notified when new episodes drop!  

This week Sam Black dives into UR in March of the Machine Patreon:https://www.patreon.com/draftingarchetypesSwag Store:https://my-store-d775a7.creator-spring.com/ Follow Sam:Twitter: https://twitter.com/SamuelHBlackTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/samuelhblack Join Sam's Discord at:https://discord.gg/PKCZvatEFp

This week Sam Black dives into UR in March of the Machine Patreon:https://www.patreon.com/draftingarchetypesSwag Store:https://my-store-d775a7.creator-spring.com/ Follow Sam:Twitter: https://twitter.com/SamuelHBlackTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/samuelhblack Join Sam's Discord at:https://discord.gg/PKCZvatEFp

Gandalf the Grey is a pretty great character within Lord of the Rings and this is an interesting interpretation of his abilities on a Magic: the Gathering card. In fact, limiting Gandalf's abilities to a single card would be very difficult given how enigmatic his powers are throughout the lore. So, Wizards of the Coast decided to give Gandalf the Grey the Blue/Red color identity and I think it works. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/hamhocks42 MagicJank: https://www.magicjank.com All the Socials: https://linktr.ee/hamhocks42 Overthinking MTG is a podcast where our host, HamHocks42, takes a look at a random card from Magic: the Gathering and talks about it for a while. Often, though, he ends up yammering about whatever's on the top of his mind that the card reminds him of and a half hours passes and it turns out all he's done is share his thoughts on recent news related to Commander, Magic: the Gathering Arena, Modern, Pioneer, Standard, or humorous anecdotes from his kitchen table jank days. ----- lord of the rings,the hobbit,the lord of the rings,mtg gandalf,gandalf the grey,magic gandalf,gandalf magic,gandalf the grey mtg,magic: the gathering,hamhocks42,overthinking mtg,the overthinking mtg podcast,overthinking,overthinking gandalf,gandalf mtg,mtg lord of the rings,mtg lord of the rings spoilers,mtg lord of the rings commander,gandalf commander,commander gandalf Gandalf the Grey is Blue/Red and It Works --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/hamhocks42/support

On this week's #Podcast MTG pro Sam Black covers Izzet in #mtgone draft Patreon:https://www.patreon.com/draftingarchetypesSwag Store:https://my-store-d775a7.creator-spring.com/ Follow Sam:Twitter: https://twitter.com/SamuelHBlackTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/samuelhblack Join Sam's Discord

On this week's #Podcast MTG pro Sam Black covers Izzet in #mtgone draft Patreon:https://www.patreon.com/draftingarchetypesSwag Store:https://my-store-d775a7.creator-spring.com/ Follow Sam:Twitter: https://twitter.com/SamuelHBlackTwitch: https://www.twitch.tv/samuelhblack Join Sam's Discord

Topics covered include hope, optimism, the Black-White and Blue-Red pills, the Soviet Union, existentialism, nature versus nurture, good versus evil, and personality traits associated with anarchism (e.g., locus of control). Michael's latest book The White Pill: https://www.amazon.com/White-Pill-Tale-Good-Evil/dp/B0BNZ7XZ5T Note: I deleted the earlier one that I had posted, as it wrongly included a four-minute chat that should not have been publicly available. My apologies. _______________________________________ If you appreciate my work and would like to support it: https://subscribestar.com/the-saad-truth https://patreon.com/GadSaad https://paypal.me/GadSaad _______________________________________ This clip was posted earlier today (February 21, 2023) on my YouTube channel as THE SAAD TRUTH_1514: https://youtu.be/-DGk0GViEaA _______________________________________ The Parasitic Mind: How Infectious Ideas Are Killing Common Sense (paperback edition) was released on October 5, 2021. Order your copy now. https://www.amazon.com/Parasitic-Mind-Infectious-Killing-Common/dp/162157959X/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr= https://www.amazon.ca/Parasitic-Mind-Infectious-Killing-Common/dp/162157959X https://www.amazon.co.uk/Parasitic-Mind-Infectious-Killing-Common/dp/162157959X _______________________________________ Please visit my website gadsaad.com, and sign up for alerts. If you appreciate my content, click on the "Support My Work" button. I count on my fans to support my efforts. You can donate via Patreon, PayPal, and/or SubscribeStar. _______________________________________ Dr. Gad Saad is a professor, evolutionary behavioral scientist, and author who pioneered the use of evolutionary psychology in marketing and consumer behavior. In addition to his scientific work, Dr. Saad is a leading public intellectual who often writes and speaks about idea pathogens that are destroying logic, science, reason, and common sense. _______________________________________

this is a cringeworthy read, i'm sure of it. {THE TIME CAPSULE] Here lies everything I won't delete, but wouldn't dare to publish (as of yet), and therefore banish to the land and/or realm of impossibility, where everything entirely consists of unimaginable, unfathomable, inconceivable, never-ever-happened ( or will) unexistence. Nothing Here Exists. Amen. (I didn't write this.) The Colenel's Jounal. “Would he be mad reading this shit? “ I mean. I have to step back at this point and admit to reading this shit to myself at this point, that... I stumbled upon an interview with none other than The Great Mike Tyson--who--if coincidences actually existed--coincidentally dated my mother oh-way-back-when. I remember the shenanigans she went through to get him to sign a pair of boxing gloves for an auction she hosted, once, when I was younger. For that, I've always gotten a little chuckle, whenever I've randomly ended up watching something. Dude is funny. As for other dude? I'm so lost. It's almost like Insomniac (or whoever) can read my thoughts--or at the very least, my text messages. It's been a year of strangeness, and I'm now more lost than found. Why is Pasqualle so strangely familiar? What is this connection, i'm missing? Who am I, if not S U P A C R E E? I'm aware of my cosmic insignificance, my societal displacement. I am nothing useful that I know of, but it seems so that I've been being followed. So maybe he's not a white supremacist, after all...he seems to love as much as I do--if not more. So, that one's my fault, as everything is. I wonder if the window of opportunity has truly closed. I wonder what to make of all this, at all. I'm so, so confused, and so lost, and so… ...confused... First, I levitated. Still can't get over that (literally) Then....everything else. Literally everything else. From playing drums at Ruskos set, to weirdly making my way to Excision, just “following a vibe”--my failed suicide attempt, and running away to Bass Canyon where, everything in my reality officially shattered. Now, here I am...about to be homeless, jobless, and lost in love. I can't shake it off anymore, I can't let it go. My brain's wrapped around all of it, all the time. Prayers, Mantras, Methods. I'm driving myself crazy trying to wish away the pain. I need to be...need to be… … Needed. Bearr needs me. Sometimes, in all the pain--I fail to see that. But he does--and if I can't make it in show business...how are we meant to survive? There's no room for depression and poverty in motherhood. After losing the twins...I just can't. I can't be sad and parent at the same time. And, maybe that makes me weak. Maybe it makes me stupid. Maybe I've just had enough. But there's nothing I wouldn't give just to know that there's love, somewhere out there for me. Is it selfish that that's all I want? I think i'm a good person, but maybe i'm wrong. I can account for hundreds of premonitions, predictions, visions--outstanding sensitivity to energy...but how could I misread, and misjudge, so easily? Something inside me never really made it out of that tent. Then, going back--maybe it was all of me, that never made it out of that ambulance. Am I just the special kid in class--and it's obvious I've been left behind? When I hear myself speak aloudt, I wonder if I am retarded. I feel other people also wonder. Either way, how would anyone have known about my musical history so broadly, as it's been displayed? There's no going back from it. I can't go back to being a regular “Skrillex” fan. It's almost like...almost like I can't go back at all. And I miss that, a lot--just being able to be honest about what my taste in music is, who my favorite musician is…. I tense up when I hear the word “Skrillex”. In good company, I can shrug it off, I guess…. But on any regular day, it still feels deep. It doesn't leave my mind, ever. I can pretend to move on, but I can't unlove. I can't unlove. So, i'm two-for-two...three-for-three, if you count Josh Pan's video, where his face swells up and he turns into a reptile… I remember waking up for work with swollen eyes, and bulging, puffy skin...the way the spiral to insanity began...not with suicide, at all--at least, in the traditional sense. I was working 80 hours a week. I needed it--I needed out of my marriage. Pasqualle's sweater Sonny's Sweater, now falling apart--because, yes--I've worn it every day for nearly a year. A red, white, and blue blanket, reminding me of my presidential ambitions--which have since, not faded...but become realistically reflected with this sense that, I have much to fulfill between now-and-never. I'll only run for President if I can afford it. I can only afford it if I am successful in music. I found it heartwarming that Mike Tyson is so enamoured by the culture. To see him swell with joy, such as I have, upon discovering the world of raves. Apparently, there will be some kind of permanent Oasis, someday...I hope I live to see it. Better yet, I hope I live to play there. I want my chance on all the stages, as selfish as it may seem. To earn a place behind the decks, an unrealized dream. But, can I find it to become all that it takes? To read and move a room, to create and connect with people, live onstage. To inspire a crowd--telling a story with music. To give love, the best way that I can. I miss myself...but no I don't. I do miss never having to worry about whether I was too fat to be found attractive by someone I vehemently admire--but never thought about sexually, in all of the years i've loved watching him live. But, its a vibe. Much ado about Elon Musk. I'm not smart enough to become a rocket scientist--and it's too late for me to become an astronaut, as I once dreamed...but there's something in the space above us all, that seems to connect the space between us all--and it's almost as is the walls are caving in. Time and space continues to collapse upon itself. I might be broken forever...but then, I always was. Who'd have thought the Grand Prize for your third suicide attempt is a Skrillex? I'm cursed, in the way that...it won't fall off. My brain won't un-Sonny itself. I'm on default to give a fuck now, and there's no turning back. I guess this is what I get for hating on *fangirls*...now i am one. Problem is, I'm a lot less cute. How often does shit like this happen? There's hypnosis through music--and then there's losing your entire soul to something outside of yourself. Why and how am I so out of place, in this world? ‘You're too good for this world.' Nothing's been forgotten, it's just getting more suppressed. I can pretend to move on, but I won't. I just found the Holy Mecca of research for my weird, invasive project. Apparently DeadMau5 had some kind of comedy show, or something--called “coffee run” It seems to be about...2014, but haven't bothered to check yet--I'm sure, though that this predates the infamous ‘fued'. Blah blah blah--i'm learning too much about these people. People. Real people. ...was interrupted to watch the new episode of Rick and Morty; Lucky me. One half-hour and several belly-rolling laughs later, I'm back...with slightly more self confidence that, if The Heavens grant me whatever kind of combination of confidence and focus that it will take to bring the Festival Saga If nobody's sampled this video, I've stumbled upon a literal goldmine. Life imitates art--and music imitates music. “I love it when it's super sweaty.” (How do I resonate with this so well?) “ A Los Angeles Real Estate Guy In Torono”, says Dillon. “Yeah, there's a few of those.”, Joel recants, stoically. Now i'm watching people who never mattered on YouTube, in a finally “Sonny says…” If i can ever make my brain learn the magic that makes something like Ableton somehow turn into a banger. “Does he drive?!” I've wondered this myself. “I don't think he does.” I knew it. Dillon Francis' awkwardness is reminiscent of mine...again, here I am wondering...who I might be if I were born a white male--if nothing was changed, but the body. CRUSTPUNKS. How did I get here? Oh, yeah. I specifically opened an incognito window to...fuck it. I know what I'm here for. The thing is, I don't know what i'm blessed with. I don't know that i'm talented… It could all just be a Grand Delusion… Do I hate myself enough to try this? A movie where the entirety of the fabric of [my] universe is music, and the musicians that make it. A universe that already existed in the Multiverse of Rick and Morty, since it's strange inception into my being. Wait, how the fuck did I get here? I was already on a writing tangent Probably--I hate enough to “ i get to go home--not tomorrow, but the next day” This experience is becoming so humanizing. It is a job, this music shit--Touring takes you everywhere but home. What the fuck is ‘home?' Perhaps I am meant for this shit, after all. I don't have a home, anyway. I also don't have any music under my belt, but--with any luck, I can pump out the LP I promised my twins. Today Marks 5 years since Skyy passed away. May 23rd will be 2 years, since Phoenixx left us. It's not a good time of year, for grief. With no friends I can trust (Annie's Toxicity is again rearing its head), no family that loves me the way a family should...I find myself completely isolating from what Love is, almost forgetting what it might have felt like. “How often are you home?” “KAAAAHHHHHHHHHN” If i'm ever lucky enough to learn how to make Dupstep--that deserves to go before a fucking deadly drop. I've officially seen Skrillex more times in person than ever on video--which disincluded, of course, the tent incident--something I'm realizing that if I'm unable to catch up with myself in time, I'll have to live with forever. Can I answer my own prayers? At this point, i've given up any expectation of what it might be like to achieved enough to earn any kind of place in that world *their* world... 5/6/2020 Life is unfair sometimes. Like--do I want tacos, or divine inspiration? Do I put off fasting for yet another day, just for the temporary comfort and satisfaction of eating? Does limiting my eating to once every 24-hour-or-less suffice as enough of a self-sacrifice, that my prayers might be answered? I highly doubt that it is, but still--I often ride the line between just allowing myself to feel good when I can (and food does, make me feel so....so good) and remaining steady in my fasting. Then, it has been over 6 months of almost constant fasting and praying, all over someone I haven't properly met--all over myself. Because, the longer I stay in this mindset--the clearer it becomes that it is all the same. At the core, there's only really one thing in existence. Skyy will have passed away 5 years ago tomorrow. To think, I should have had 5-year-old twins. They would have been so beautiful; I've never quite imagined them so, umti now. I miss my babies so much. Will I ever be okay again? I thought to record a song for Skyy, but it would never be ready by tomorrow, in the perfect way that I would want it to be. I don't want to put out anything less than the best. I'm being as patient as I possibly can with teaching myself--but grow frustrated in my limitations. The only thing standing between me, and the tools I need to make the music I have...is me. (Really, it's money.) Lack of money is keeping me from being unstoppable. With unlimited money, I'd have a home--I could fully pay all 4-years of my tuition at UCLA….ny dream school. I'd study music, anthropology, astrology….maybe even engineering. I can't make myself prettier--but I can make myself smarter. Google University just isn't cutting it. I want to make a difference in the world by any means, and i'm trapped behind the gate of poverty. I just want a closet full of harem pants, chuck taylors, and T-shirts with stuff I like on them. I just want to wear my kandi every day. I just want to be behind the decks atop the stages of my favorite places… I want to be someone's favorite DJ. I want to be one of my favorite DJ's favorite DJ I, I, I… How selfish. What does the world need? Less people. Well, i'm honestly one-less, I guess, if I can;t make it in music, in art. If I can't make a decent living just by being myself...i'm not meant to live at all. That much is true--no life worth living includes waking up every day to go to a job I hate, that barely pays my bills. No life is worth living that Something strange happens to me when my favorite people go ‘live' on instagram Social Media, a young demon with whom I constantly evade, when I am not forcibly fighting to fit the status quo (which, I cannot.) Watching my social media right now is like the digital equivalent of “You can't sit with us.” I've grown attached to OWSLA like some sort of distant, imaginary family--only, I know this is something I've just embedded into my mind--the ultimate wishful thinking. Everything I do seems fragile, as if the grid I had discovered not only exists in the outer world, but also my inner--that everything I do, think, say, sing, speak makes a difference in what will happen moving forward. Reawakening my center has been difficult, saying the very least--I am almost paralyzed by negativity--made catatonic through senses with which I cannot control; My ‘home' life has become a hell where i'll-spirits and pitiful thoughts are cast about me--in reality, I have no home. In truth, I'm unsure that I have any purpose, either. It's all been bothering me… Now it's something that just hurts, like everything else. Add to the pain, subtract from willingness to live. Add to the trauma, subtract from the motivation to succeed. How much of my fault is this? Who did it? What is it for? Amongst the most otherworldly of theories, the possibility that extraterrestrials had actual involvement in removing Sonny from wherever he was supposed to be (Burning Man, albeit) and placing him where I was. I've wondered how else the dancing shadows cast against the canvas of the tent were so perfectly made-- ancient egyptian prophecies foretold as a light show, in the moments leading up to the one where the entirety of my being was shifted, in an instant. I dreamed of a B2B with Skrillex, and instead got a face-to-face with Sonny Moore. One, apparently, does not quite equal the other. Eight (or so) months later, and I've filtered through all the stages of grief--for all of the ways I had to lose him--as much as one could be lost, without actually dying. But, perhaps I am dead. My soul and spirit at least, are trapped, and tainted torturously from all I've come to gather. Running into the night, like a bat fresh out of hell, away from the visions I was forced to have from our exchange-- I can only imagine, had I acted any differently and stayed, rather than fled what else I may have seen. In only the few short moments we shared together...I was able to see more of his life than for anyone I've ever ‘seen' for, besides myself. To have, after only a few moments--seen both backwards into his past--and forwards into a seemingly shared future of some sort. I don't know what else to call this creepy psychic shit, other than “seeing”. To even call myself a “seer” would be a heavy title, I'd be too uncomfortable to claim. Still, vivid memories of the dude's past--and chilling premonitions of the future, have left me disgustingly sick with a concern that wholly did not exist, beforehand. But, when faced with the question: “What would it be like to actually lose him?” I fucking lost it. I've never taken well to celebrity deaths--perhaps, overly sensitive in ways that suite absolutely nobody--I just so happen to have fallen apart numerous times, upon learning of the passing of those i've long cherished. I collapsed fully at Michael Jackson's passing, scrolling through the African TV channels in disbelief, as I desperately searched for a News Channel in English to confirm that it was indeed, true. This was, of course, a couple years after I cried for hours with Back to Black on repeat in the wake of Amy Winehouses' death--going even further back, I can recall arguing with a classmate that Steve Erwin, another hero, was brave--rather than ‘stupid', and undeserving of his untimeley demise. A special place lies in my heart for the day I remember losing Robin Williams-- a weird memory which collides in the now, with my affinity for Skrillex music and the strange outer connectivity my emotions seem to have in the passing of those I wholeheartedly admire; I've shed tears for Whitney Houston, Prince--I've shed tears for all of them. But none so much as for Skrillex, who is [surprisingly] still alive… And I'm mad about it. I'm mad about it, because I was [partially] happy in my place, as a fan. I wasn't even the best fan, or the biggest fan (metaphorically speaking--physically, though--I probably hold a record of some sort.) I wasn't following his social media--I wasn't following his anything, honestly. I was just crossing my fingers that with every lineup released, I might find the name “Skrillex” plastered to the top of it, or standing out broadly against the other ‘S' names, if alphabetically presented. I'm mad about it, because I hate myself. I've been hating myself my entire life. But i've never hated that I loved Skrillex--in fact, I've always been quite proud, having watched the project skyrocket, as EDM penetrated pop-culture in the years following my college endeavors. Never really thought to think that at any point, we might be equals. We're not--outwardly, anyway. Inwardly, though? Fuck me. It's like I'm bound to it by the roots of the Tree of Life. Like something in my DNA was activated by an overabundance of Skrillex. I've undoubtedly, and by far crossed the threshold of having listened to 10,000 Hours of Skrillex, guaranteed. No calculations needed. Still, there are perhaps millions of others who share the same affinity--and at least a few thousands who are more outwardly obsessive than in. It works, when I need to know something I'd rather just ask Sonny myself, but can't--there's always a kid in the fan pool who has been quick to find whatever information I'm looking for, long, long before I've come to look for it. Poor guy. For almost an entire year, that's all I've really been able to think. ‘Poor guy.' Because, if the roles were reversed--and for whatever reason I decided to make my way into someone's tent at a music festival (I wouldn't) and I scared them into a shock, resulting in them fleeing away from me--I'd feel like shit. And, if I had been touring my entire life and watched the culture grow and morph into the nearly unmanageable able monster it has become--i'd feel like shit. If I had to watch an ambulance cart away someone in the crowd during one of my sets, I'd feel like shit. If I had to do a live set while I felt like shit, I'd feel like shit. and ...if some random fan fell head over heels in love with me, simply because I crawled into her tent, or made really good music, or made her feel some kind of way… I'd feel like shit. And that shit probably happens all the time. It's been 10 long years for me, with Skrillex-- but I can't imagine how long the last 10 years have been, as Skrillex. Now I think about all the shit DJs go through, being DJs….what's more, I've had to give in-depth thought to what it means to be a celebrity at all--what it might be like to have someone grow an obsession over you--unprovokingly. Although my ‘obsession' for this particular person can't technically be considered ‘unprovoked' (I was minding my own business, after all--and Skrillex was not on the lineup.) I can't help but feel for those in the limelight whose charisma and talent combined attract every type of creeper imaginable. I'm just the kind of creeper that wants to make music; any previous searches as an attempt to ‘get to know' Skrillex, previous to last August, originated in attempting to comprehend how to create such organic sounds--exploring and studying how intricately layered and carefully arranged each of my favorite sounds and songs were made. Piecing together how exactly an artist like such, had become as such. Now, i'm just entangled in self-doubt, as it seems the entire next generation is equipped with whatever skillset it takes to become an electronic musician. Self-doubt, as I fear that my body weight intimidated him as much as his presence intimidated me. Again: All me. All bad. I've nowhere to turn to to unleash this shit--it has to be a secret-- and even letting it slip to Annie in the isolation of the aftermath has felt like a mistake, since I allowed it to happen. Can I keep a secret? Ha. There are things that only I know, certainly. The premonition I did subtly speak of, I refused to unearth in detail, even to Annie. The other visions I was made to have, still my own secret; I've begun to wonder if, upon meeting Sonny, I would keep it to myself; I suppose that would depend on nature and context. But, I think about it every day. It is my first thought upon waking up, my final thought before coming to rest--it has permeated into the only dreams I ever have anymore--crowds my semi-waking thoughts as I toss-and-turn throughout the night; the amount of energy exchanged, the amount of concern that consumes me....lets me know that it is all apart of something far beyond my comprehension, far beyond my senses...far beyond any understanding of the universe that I may have. And, it hurts. As bad as it is for me, it's probably worse for him--IF he remembers any of it. Then, probably a seasoned drinker (lol, “probably”) There's a good chance that, well-- he does remember. Oh God no. If I could motion to be erased, I would. I've been trying to erase myself for the better part of a year, including and certainly not limited to August 4th--an attempt I can stand to think I had not fully recovered from by the time it all happened. What the fuck did happen? Though it can't be denied that each of us possesses some kind of magic--the origins of mine can be traced back, at least on one side. Powers I was ‘born with', as told by my father--something I only believed until I was old enough that it didn't make sense--and something I was forced to recognize once I was old enough that it did. I want to know what exactly it is that ties us... Where this love--which is what it is, undeniably-- originates. I've spent the better part of the last year praying and meditating, and attempting to loosen the knots in my stomach enough to self-soothe enough to settle that, at worst-- Sonny was just being a pretty white boy, looking for a good time--and I just became a victim by knowing how to have one. Alternately--how fuck fuck would he even know I exist? As i've stated, I was the epitome of a silent Skrillex fan, prior to all these spectacular occurrences. I may have, at some point online--said something about Skrillex being my Spirit Animal… (still true) But can't imagine what else might have been garnered in my attainable, tangible history, which would alert him of my existence at all. Then, with all the money in the world, you truly can do anything… And that's what I hate in all this. Him--having all the money in the world, and me, having none… The very thing that separates us from settlement, myself from closure. Really, the only thing I want. Closure. ‘I got love, fuck your money.' Sonny can be anyone--he's earned that right. He can be with anyone--deservingly so. I want for him the very best--and, knowing that I am not (physically, anyway) am dismissive of any judgement cast. I wouldn't want me, either--looks matter, I know. I just want to know what he means to me--in this lifetime, in this realm, in this reality. I didn't have to be moved from where I was to be inspired by him--I just always was. I didn't have to think about being attracted to him--I just always was. I didn't have to think about being connected through the music--I just always was. And it all came crashing down in a tent, at the bottom of the rabbit hole--where I lost my mind--after having already lost my soul, to something beyond the senses, long ago. I committed wholly and permanently to making music when Phoneixx died, almost 2 years ago. The point was never to sound like Skrillex, but rather to be like Skrillex, as an artist--but, after much speculative examination--I guess, I always was. I lost myself in the early days of Myspace. From First To Last rang through the hallways of my middle school's corridors. Chiodos carried me through the days of wrist-cutting and air-dust huffing, through the days of binging-and-purging, wishing I was prettier--and in the height of all that is the drama of living in my very own Teenaged Wasteland… The Rocket Summer was handed to me by the hands of an angel, as I transitioned out of awkward adolescent depression and into an almost-well-adjusted life at a performing arts school, as an aspiring musician, singer, dancer and storyteller… The dream that carried me out of Utah, and into the Heart of Hollywood at the age of 16… The dream I thought died, long ago. When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? Billie Ellish's spirit collided with mine, as the first time I heard her voice, I shattered inwardly, and shivered in the resonance that is the understanding of pain, born undoubtedly in love; I shuddered to think that someone so young could feel so devoid of the willingness to live, to move onward. My response upon first experiencing her music, of course, a genuine “...Is she ok?” Three little words. I tend to really mean them, any time I ask. “Are you OK?!” I blurted, as my entire self exploded into shock, as I immediately recognized the face I've known for years--and looked through the widened eyes of one so now devastatingly human--to something inside of myself. Something about my voice shifted him; He became a mirror for all my pain, all my doubt--all the shame I have, for all that I am-- my demons came straight to the surface. Voiceless, now, and shielded in the fetal position, we faced each other silently. 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm Sorry.', I thought loudly, as I lay panicking. I stared down into my chest, ashamed to be anything but invisible, thoughts racing. I dare not lift my head to look at him. My heart pounded, as I lay screaming silent apologies for my appearance--for my very presence, for my own existence. I couldn't process his presence in my reality. Choking back tears, I tried not even to so much as breathe, as I silently apologized for being born--and though I wanted nothing more than to reach out to hold him, I lay all-but-lifelessly--wondering what went so wrong that he would seek to find me. The familiar smell of liquor permeated the air, as my heart sank, throbbing as it pounded...I know an alcoholic, when I smell one. I did actually wonder if he was okay....(and I've been wondering daily, ever since.) But clearly, he wasn't okay. Clearly, I wasn't. Clearly, nobody's ok. He slipped his praying hands between my thighs, as I died inside--and all my outer senses blended to become all, and nothing at once, again. Exit Skrillex, Enter Sonny. How does a mere peasant earn a spot in the company of the Highest Priest? I've not bargained with the Devil, but begged the Heavens that my life would end before his...the First Fast emerged as a direct result of self-sacrifice; To serve as a protection against misjudgement--to realign my soul with it's true intensive purpose--in hopes that my body would shrink to form something suitable. The memory of his hands between my thighs, a haunting reminder that--I just may be too big for him… The reality is...of all that I am, and all that I have, and all that I wish to be...it just may be that--he's too big for me… metaphorically speaking. I'll have to become a damn-near Superstar, just to get to know the people--that know the people--that know the people, that know people who can connect me to Sonny, on any level. I'll have to get in line behind millions of other hopeful DJ's, producers, singers, dancers, songwriters--hundreds of thousands of entertainers who might kill-or-die to get to know Skrillex in any way-shape-or form. Romantically, I'd be competing against at least a million perfect-bodied beauty-queen fangirls who would do anything--and I mean anything--for their shot at Skrillex. The truth is, I'm not trying to get to know Skrillex; The truth is, i'd rather know Sonny. (Whatever that's supposed to mean, right?) I don't question at all our potential compatibility; there's no doubt in my mind that there's some chemistry between us--be it of ancient origin, an extra terrestrial genetic code, or otherwise...but I'd bet any money I actually had, that someone as highly regarded as Skrillex would be ridiculed, trolled, and tremendously hated by many, many fans--for associating with someone like me. I don't even know if it's like that--but, again--crawling into someone's tent is...kind of intimate. What in Heavens would one want with me, when he could have perfection-- Absolute perfection? I kind of get it. I'm used to being fetishised. I've always been the black girl who liked white guys--I've lead a life that's made it easy to learn that Jungle Fever is often taboo among the White Caucasion men who find black women attractive enough to fuck--but would never want to “date” us, or bring us home. I've learned that--at the end of the day-- most white guys, want white kids--even if they like to fuck black girls. Then, there's the added bonus of some genetic flaw which has allowed my body to at one point, have ballooned up to 380 pounds-- a body which, even after a 200+ pound weight loss, would disgust anyone with eyes, in what most would consider “cute rave attire”. And, although shrinking from a size 28 to a size 10 is somewhat of a ‘grand' achievement, I look like an asymmetrical potato sack with my clothes off. If there's anything I know about men--and especially the affluent ones--they love to have trophies to showcase. I've yet to see a body like mine on the red carpet, or as arm candy--or as the leading lady, anywhere. No, there's no such thing as a fat Cinderella. Still, he's one of the most handsome creatures i've ever seen-- undoubtedly one of the most beautiful creatures on this planet. I will continue to love what I know of him wholly and unconditionally. On my best days, I even hope to live long enough, and well enough to have the honor of properly meeting him. Never could I have the courage to ask him on a date--nor would I subject him to the cruelty of the outer world by alluding to the fact that he may, in fact be someone more important to me, than as just a musician--as with anyone i've ever loved, I only want for him the best. On my worst days, The Devil assures me that it was Annie he was really looking for, who he may have seen me with at the plethora of festivals we attended together last year--or perhaps, even Idania, who was supposed to have been there with me…and it would make sense. The Devil also constantly reminds me of how much prettier they both are than me--and better in every way. But, it was long ago that I came to terms with the fact that anyone who might come to love me--would also love Annie and would love her more thoroughly--her, having the more attractive body and face, being more ideally pretty. Standing next to Annie, I always lose. Even on a good day. All this, I can be sure to cast aside, however--because at the very best--he was looking for me, and everything between then-and-now builds into something of substance or significance… and at worse, my favorite figure in music absolutely hates me, and regrets my existence as much as I do. Either way, Skrillex hits hard any time of the day, any day of the week. And… Either way, Sonny hits home, all day, every day--until I can manage to learn to speak. Eight pages later, and it still hurts. Eight pages, and i'm still mad. I'm still crying. I'm still useless. I'm still stuck. Stuck on stupid. Stuck on Sonny. Stuck on Skrillex. Just… Stuck. And it hurts. 5/5 Another day. Nothing makes me hate myself more than waking up. ‘Don't look at the phone.' instructions, handed to me some time ago by the Divine--since then, I make it a point not to look at my phone, if I can help it, before I've sat up to pray, and meditate. Lately, I've been unable to relax at all enough to focus on a proper meditation, before realizing my actual self-worth (nothing), and falling into the depressive non-motion that has been me. How many evil men will it take being caught in the midst of, will it take for me to realize that I've been allowing myself to painfully absorb their essences, even without a single touch? Just living here alone has set me further back from my goals than I was--then--I'm beginning to feel that my ‘roomate' may have ties to White Supremacy; the evidence does just keep on building. It has occured to me that Jason's warning that Nick may be deep undercover for some Government agency is most likely true. Though I err on the side of not snooping through other peoples' things--I've happened to stumble across indicators which point to the likely case that he is, in fact, hired by the government or some other private entity--probably as part of some secret experiment, assigned to psycologically torture and disable mentally fragile individuals; It seems as though the experiement was designed in order to test morale, will power, self-control, and proper judgement-- tests which I've been concious of, but in the moment have not always cared about passing-or-failing. From the painful assortment of disgusting and obnoxious sounds make throughout the day, torturing me through unpleasant and peace-shattering sounds, left victimized by my synesthesia and recently pinpointed misophonia--or something similar...whatever it is that makes slamming doors, cabinets, and the items crashing to the floor after lazily being thrown across the room methods of torture. To the cavalcade of poisonous, sugary and addicted substances, which only seem to appear or are offered during crucial fasts--or, pushily and passive-aggressively left in my living space without asking whether or not i'd like any. Just left there, to be discovered upon finishing a shower, or returning from a nightly walk. And on days when I am actually hungry, or needing to eat? I am offered nothing. Only when I fast am I ever offered any sustenance. It says almost too much about my roomate as a person--to offer every time, or never at all would be acceptable, and understandable--but to only invite one to eat when one feels so ‘inclined' is beyond cruelty. It's privilege showing itself to be one of the only faces uglier than mine, that i'm aware of. While i've elected to use my headphones as a shield, life's not always easy immersed in a sound bath of isochronic tones and Theta Waves--and though it does excite me to have expanded my music library, with additions and updates I've been longing for ages-- it's almost more stressful to think about the amount of music that I don't have. Songs I would add to my “sets”, if you can call them that. If I can call myself a DJ--if I can call myself a person, anymore. Really, all I am is hurt feelings and trauma wrapped in flesh; I might be less of a person than I ever was, once. Everything costs--whether it be money, the world's currency--or time, the currency of the soul. Torturous is the life of an artist, who cannot herself make ‘art', as she sees fit. Everyone in Hollywood has a screenplay in their back pocket; Everyone in LA has a dream, two-to-three-jobs, and a side hustle--and me? I'm just learning to DJ to self-soothe, having given up hope of ever becoming anything greater than the happiest guest at the rave nearest you. It's harder than it looks….(or, maybe it isn't, and i'm just retarded.) Building a music collection worthy enough to grace the decks in any of my favorite venues, is an arduous task--maybe this is why all the popular DJs are pretty white boys--the proof is in the privilege. Money, money, money...I used to make plenty of it, and was always exhausted--now I make none, and am always exhausted. What's worth what cost? Time = Money. In LA, and in the world. But by anyone's definition--and especially mine--LA is the world. Or, at the very least, sets the tone for the world. Truly, nothing is free. DJing is more expensive than I could have ever imagined--once again, in any direction I turn, there's a ladder to climb. I've not got the time or energy left in my sadly depleting lifesource left to storm gates, crawling over heads and cutting down those in my way. While it's certain that ‘Competitive Greatness' is the key atop the Pyramid of Success, there are 14 other bricks below to lay the foundation of that which one might call success, to be garnered as imagined through the eyes of a man, anyway, who lived in the 1930's. John L. Wooden may have been right--and may still be right--if I were a standard male (we'll leave race out of it, for now…..for now.) Still, i've been using the Pyrimid of Success as a guidepost, in what it is exactly I may have to do, or be, in order to become something. Not even something great, just something. Perhaps, if I can make it to being something, eventually I might become someone. Oh, to be a person would be nice. For now, I'll just have to settle on tricking my useless sack of anatomy into being a DJ. There's nothing outside of it, anymore. Bass Canyon truly was my last rave--not that I enjoyed it, honestly. Though I've attempted to retrain my brain around the trauma which resulted from that weekend, it did serve as a turning point--a sort of going-away party, as I departed from my home as a no-holds-bar Kandi Kid. Happy Graduation, OG Raver! Little did I know that, with the multidimentionality of our universe, I would be presented, through the world of possibility--the ability to at least observe with the naked eye that there lie more beyond the decks-- a space that may have been made for me. I'll never forget the moment I knew I would be a DJ--or at least try, for the life (or the death) of me. Electric Daisy Carnival changed my life--an experience ten years in the making that catapulted me into the depths of my wildest dreams--unbeknownst to me that I hadn't yet the ability to swim, in such that is the tempest of my own subconscious mind. But--that part of this story deserves its own dedicated elaboration; For now, i'll only look back--and realize that it was there that I aligned with my highest self in the truest sense, that, at least then, I actually believed that I could become a top DJ. I've lost the flight to stay afloat in the salty sea that is the millions of other people trying to make it to the mainstages of our favorite places, and begun to sink into the reality of the entertainment industry as a whole...the reality of the world, as a whole anymore. Looking around at the world's top DJs is less encouraging and inspirational than it should be. Nearly every headliner looks like every kid who ever bullied me, every guy who ever turned me down--every kid hosting the party I wasn't invited to. As for the females of the bunch--I find it frustrating that not one yet has been of any color other than yellow--and even then--we all know the world's men love Asian women. While I can admire girls like Rezz and Allison Wonderland--I wonder what kind of career, if any, if either of them were black, or heavyset--or, my losing genetic combination: Both. Would a fat Allison Wonderland have ever made it into the industry? Would a black Rezz ever become a staple in bass music, and rave culture? If Softest. Hard had a pot belly, would she have been discovered? Then, there are up-and-comings beyond my complete comprehension--those who are visually appealing, but musically inept; I'll leave out any names, and still salute them--anyone who can wrap their brain around any standard DAW enough to make an entire song, is absolutely more talented, definitely more intelligent than I am. [I'm not.] But, I can't help but wonder: How easy was it for any of them, being so pretty, to learn to do what they do--just by being kind and asking a friend for help to learn production? In so many years of raving, I've watched beautiful girls get pulled backstage--and even pulled on stage, to connect with the artists and VIPs. I've been brought to tears as I've watched rude girls with porcelain faces caked in makeup be lifted over rails into the promised land, picked to be plucked by just her eyes and smile combined with the perfection of a flat and flawless stomach. Pretty girls always get priority. Me? Well, I get the dead eyes of the drunken DJ, staring down at me through his whiskey glass, as he beckons the stagehands to assist the perfect-bodied princess backstage...but i'm only front-and-center so I can feel the music move, and watch all the energy bounce around, matching the movement of the expert's hands on deck, to the waves of sound colliding with the rest of the world. True, my mind might wander to what wonderful experiences await the perfect princess, as she disappears behind the decks, into a world i've yet to know, but only seen: The life I know exists beyond the rails, beyond the decks...the world I can only wish to build, for myself. Big ugly black girls don't get pulled backstage. Big ugly black girls are token ancillary characters, it seems, in the plot which writes the story of the modern rave. In a sea of new-generation ravers raised by Kim Kardashian and YouTube makeup tutorials--left lost in a torturous chamber of perfection--women who can wear anything, beautifully. Women who get whatever they want, whenever they want--because they know they can; 10's, to my -3. Bottom Line: Looks matter, until all the men in the world go blind. Sad-but-true. I move not to objectify the women whose music and movement through the clearly sexist music entertainment industry. God only knows how hard each of them has worked to earn a spot so highly ranked amongst those to whom we all admire--the legends, the greats. Each woman behind the decks has become a reflection of everything I wish I ever was--but also a painful reminder of everything that I am not. Of every girl i've ever come behind. Perhaps, this is the result of growing up the as the only ‘black girl', in the backwards, racist po-dunk town I was transplanted into: A place where I spent years constantly being told, taught, and trained that it was more admirable to have light skin, blonde hair, blue eyes...then again, The Media has always done a particularly good job at creating and maintaining what the ideal beauty standard should be, or is--and an excellent job of perpetuating stereotypes. People never expect me to sound how I do, or to like what I like--because it's “white people stuff”; and ten years ago when I discovered raving, there wasn't another black girl (or boy!) in sight for miles, at any rave I went to. I was the oddity, the token--the “what the fuck” person, in an already entirely what-the-fuck place. Fast Forward to 2020: My Freshman Year as a DJ. And...as it appears, the world behind the decks is just as non-diverse as the dancefloor was when I first began this escapade through the world of immersive music. Do I want to be the first ethnically-bred Female DJ to reach the top? OF COURSE. Can I? It's not up to me. Now I'm confusededly caught in the web that is rumours circulating of an ongoing race-war, and wondering if I've been left to die smack-dab in the middle of it. Amongst currently living with a white supremacist (or, extremely ignorant and culturally intolerant biggoted racist at the very, very least.), it seems that White Superiority may be a driving theme amongst the Electronic Music Industry--that maybe the world I've rather grown up in, and come to love has more twists, turns, and dark alleys to look through than the obvious ‘secrets' that loom in the world of rave. All seeing is the eye that watches over all. Insomniac's crew is among one of the least racially diverse I've ever seen--if I were Pasqualle, I might think to at least try to make it look as though there were a plethora of ethnic backgrounds who work together to tie the knot holding together the world's biggest metaphorical kandi: Insomniac, the Kingdom of Mainstream rave culture. A global endeavor. I wonder how many i've come to admire--Pasqualle included-- are actually White Supremacists, masquerading in the power of positivity and their corporate capitalism, true beliefs and intentions. My curiosity about the man himself peaked during EDC weekend, after stumbling into sign after sign, symbol after symbol--of something I've aspired [in the past] to commit to, but also am wearlily aware of its adversity towards that of my kind; being firstly female, and secondly partially black. Now, I wonder--am I even allowed to enter into the world beyond the decks--or is that preserved for only women with perfect bodies, fair skin--attractive individuals? Does it belong only to those with money? Is there any possibility that there may be room for someone like me to enter the scene--or may only pretty girls with pretty bodies and pretty hair be allowed in the backstage world? Really, I just want to perform. I miss myself as a dancer, as a musician--as an actor, all together. I still wish I had continued on this path a decade ago, when--though weighing over 300 pounds--my confidence at least existed. Teaching myself to DJ has been one of the hardest things i've ever done; I don't know if I'm retarded, but I'm beginning to consider attempting to see someone for some kind of screening. If Paris Hilton can DJ, why is it so hard for me? If Sonny can dink around on a computer with a blown speaker, call himself ‘Skrillex' and make some of the world's most intricate music since that of Beethoven-- why can't I do the same? What makes the difference in all these YouTube tutorials telling me how to do it--and me actually being able to do it? What is it, that's wrong with my brain? But, it's all i've wanted for over a year--to be a DJ, at least. I've always been a musician; It's just been a stop-and-go, allowing for the rest of what has been my life to pass through between the times I could make music, and couldn't. I wish I had the positive support it takes to have encouraged me forward on the path I was already on, since I was 13--instead, I was told I was too fat (and too black) to succeed in the way I wanted to. 10 Years later and Lizzo is at the top of her game, while I beat myself up for losing at mine. Never could I have imagined a world where i'd see an album cover like hers; upon seeing it, I was not only shocked, but enraged: She was everything I was told I could not be. And the Truth Is: more than likely, someone told Lizzo the same thing I was told, and the difference is-- she didn't believe them, and kept moving forward. The difference is: She believed in herself, and loved herself enough to keep trying. The difference is, that everything I needed, I already had--I just never believed it to be so. I'm proud of her...but insanely jealous. My inner child cries “That should have been me.” Truth Hurts. There's more to it, than that; Envy lives in the cavernous pits deep within the confined Hell that is my subconscious mind--and--as the world begins to close in on itself, as consciousness continues expanding, I find myself fighting against the worst of my woes daily. Nowhere can I go without meeting a flawless, forward-figured, and facially exquisite female--rather than submit to catty jealousness, I have learned to admire and nod or bow as a gesture that I am a lesser creature. So now i'm left to wonder as I self-teach myself a trade, if my aspirations may ever be achieved, without possessing any outer beauty. All that's left in the world for me, now, is to become my own favorite DJ. (A title, of course, formerly belonging to Skrillex... ruined, by his untimely arrival as a physical person, into my actual life. More on that later...and infinitely.) I've lately begun asking myself “Is it really worth it?”...but, at the same time, I've never loved anything so much, as to fly on the wings of music--and so i've also wondered “What else will really make me happy?” Tough question. Ideally, I'm the entertainment Guru I always wished to be--not tied down to any one artform, but able to move about freely in all of them. There's no life without theatre--there's no light without entertainment. If living ideally, I could never be any-one-thing-- if living ideally, I am the embodiment of everything I love. But in a world where a snatched waist and a pretty face are a winning (and deadly) combination, I'm 0-0. Life of am ugly kid. Worse off yet, since even Hobo Johnson seems to have more confidence in his awkward and broken rhythms enough to speak his mind clearly enough for the rest of the world to resonate. Might be a good time to revisit, what it is exactly I came for. Perhaps, the answer is nothing: So far, I have nothing, make nothing, am nothing--if there is anything that I am, it's words on a piece of paper--just another ‘thing', another dreaming, wishful hopeful that I can rise above all that has been, and all that I am now...to become something more When training to match with the likes of the devil in preparation for battle against he, you must intend to figure, what the vehicle he has chosen has maintained to use as atool to help build you, as a Saint or an Angel--or one to break you, as Satan he. It has been a fruitful fas, but still i persist, though with a weary eye and curious mind, to the riddle i have yet been presente; ; Much ado about Chicken Soup. “Practice androgyny!” the two meet, immidiately fritening eachother; they transform-- One becomes dog, the other a cat--the cat begins to run. the dog pursues her. they run into a sunny meadow where a river feeds the wildlife and it is vibrant amongst the creatures; the cat climbs up a tree, and the [very friendly] dog stops at the base, looking up at her playfully, with an ask that she come down. She looks down from the tree at him, at a safe distance, and begins to relax on the I've fallen in love with a celebrity. What medicine cures that? Dearest Sonny, I'm unsure quite how to explain myself to you--or if I can, or should explain myself at all.I guess I could start with “I'm sorry.”, but it's almost as if that doesn't quite cover it, and nothing does. Perhaps, i'll start with just “thank you”--thank you for being you--which is something that makes me more ‘myself' than anything, at best. Really though, that's probably a good place to start with the wholehearted apology I owe you; It cannot be easy being yourself, or navigating life with such prominence, importance--as I'm sure you never intended all that you are, as any gift-given may have come as a God-honest, and God-given surprise. That being said; God is only anything that I am --as is, anything that you are. The talent that you possess is insurmountably powerful...and has touched, changed, inspired millions--changing the world and the very fabric of time itself--no matter how unintentionally, in all your humility. Somewhere hidden, I too have talent. I only wish that in this lifetime, I were granted the confidence and charisma to be able to somehow express it. Music is the matter I find I am made of--without being able to express it, I only feel burdened, trapped. It is a beautiful language you speak--you, and the rest of the artists I've grown to admire. It is a language so soothing, I can only long to learn it; I'm afraid though that in this lifetime, too much time and opportunity has passed...in this modern, technologically fast-paced new world...i've been left behind. You are truly a good friend, indeed. In all the sense that it doesn't make, I honor you as someone who has inspired, motivated, comforted, and captivated consistently throughout my existence in this time, in this life; Though i've been in recent times, able to remember your essence in lifetimes past, it is in this lifetime that I find the most befuddling, how your music itself has seemed to find and follow me.Unexplainable, would be the word that I can most easily use to describe anything having to do with it--love, would be the other word. “I love you”, is, I guess, what I was trying to say by tapping you gently three times, before running away. Really though, there aren't many things I could have said, or done--i'd never really been “starstruck” before; but it would be quite a stretch to say that it was the first time I'd been left awestruck in your presence. Countless performances, club shows; Raves are my favorite, favorite thing--second to the feel, and sound of bass. “Synesthesia”, would be the vocabulary word that explained a lifelong fascination with laser lights and deep bass; in ten years of hugging subwoofers and losing myself in the drop wondering my early adulthood mantra “Why am I like this?” almost constantly, it never mattered more to me than it has now. I recall a time where I referred to Skrillex as my spirit animal--still true, I suppose, although considering the fact I've consciously separated the Skrillex of things from the Sonny Moore of it all. One in the same, or, two separate parts of a whole--I can undeniably say all my unconventional, unconditional “I love you, I love you, I love you's”, in the everything that you are. ‘In love', would be an understatement--though which statement to actually make, i'm unsure of. I'm unsure of a lot of things, really; I've made many honest (and dishonest mistakes) in this lifetime--walking away from you, one of them. But, I can't change that, anything about who I am--or anything about the world the way it is, for I am only one--and too small, too weak, and too tired. My soul wishes for the freedom that death will bring--and so, I must let it...as its simply much too hard to live moving forward with such a badly broken spirit. I want you to understand that it is not your fault; It's nothing to do with you, or anything that you've done--the way that I love is uncontainable, once the match has been lit. I apologize again that you've become a victim in the energy field that becomes somewhat of a vortex, once activated. I didn't mean to fall in love with you--I don't know really how it happened, it just did. Maybe you don't remember me. Maybe you do. It doesn't really matter now, I just want you to know that me leaving this life is no fault of yours. I love you wholeheartedly--wholeheartedly, too, I love myself--though, seemingly only from the inside-out; there's nothing I can do about the outer shell I've been trapped in all these years. This is my body; something I would neither burden nor embarrass you with. Apologies, and all my love to you. There's nothing I want for you more than to live a happy, healthy, fulfilling life--I hope that you and those surrounding you are always, always living in peace, with joy and love--without worry, or burden, or stress; in honesty, these arre my wishes for anyone on this planet..as my love for humanity itself has only seemed to quantify, as I near the end of my life. I love, love; sometimes, I believe that I *am* love, as are any of us--but as I draw nearer to the light, it becomes harder and harder for me to believe that anything else matters, or has ever mattered, more than love. I love you. It just may be that i'm the world's biggest Skrillex fan--but to look beyond the cloak of stardom has left me longing for the embodiment of a memorable, familiar soul: The you. The person, and being that actually is; which is to say--as I would for any of my closest friends--I'd go to hell-and-back for you, give my last for you, do anything to protect you--*you*, the person; wanting and needing, expecting nothing in the world--because I cannot see a world without you in it. I'm sorry again, for any negativity. I meant to leave you behind at least, something beautiful, in exchange for all the years and moment's i've experienced through your art--but as I've mentioned before, I am trapped within myself. Symphonies unsung, melodies unwritten--because I've not what it takes to make it. I won't depart without admitting I tried, Music is my all, my everything, my guiding light--so at least in going home, I know there will always, always be the World of Sound--perhaps Heaven in the place where I can live there. I don't know what else to say. You're one of the most beautiful people i've ever seen, from the inside out--before I saw you, I heard you; before I could hear you, you were felt. I will always love you...nothing much else can matter, except that you know that. I'll never be able to erase it from my mind, never be able to forget, or look past it. I may even never understand why. Ancient Egyptian knowledge, or whatever—is the thing it seems they were trying to convey. By they, I only mean—whoever it is that wanted to hurt me. From the men shouting “kill yourself” outside my window— To the flocks of gorgeous, perfect women with perfect waists, perfect fashion, perfect faces—flaunting and floating before me, taunting me, pointing and laughing—rolling eyes, and flipping hair— and giving looks that say “I know you wish you looked as good as me.” I do. I do wish that. I wish more than anything to be beautiful. But...I keep eating. My body is hideous. I hate everything about it. I could try harder, but even that hurts. Everything hurts. Especially my heart. Why was I not more panicked, that after such a phenomenon such as that, cast by shadows against my tent—that the zipper of the door began to move slowly, from one side to another. Perhaps, I wanted the company. Maybe I needed it. What I didn't need, was more excruciating pain. No one's fault, I guess—someone wants me dead. At this point, I think me, the most. I'll never forget that face. The shocker. “Why is Skrillex in my tent?” The looming question. A question I hadn't even the time to ask, before blurting out “Are you okay?!” He froze, I froze. I guess that's where my Skrillex and my Sonny collided, as my soul began the process of separating the music I adored, and the person who made it. I will never forget his eyes. Fear. I scared him. He scared me. He scarred me. Maybe it wasn't him. I know that it *was* in fact Sonny himself (the face is unmistakable, those eyes)—but perhaps he was put up to it. Paid, for the task. Maybe my deer-in-the-headlights makes it so that he is the hunter—? How could he have missed his shot? How could I have missed mine. I've fallen in love with a celebrity. What medicine cures that? What medicine cures suicide? None I've taken, really—maybe Acid. Now, I can't seem to separate myself from Skrillex—or from Sonny—or from figuring out the two, or one in the same— or from figuring out myself, in that we are one in the same. I love him. Like a stupid teenager loves her favorite idol. Yeah, it's exactly like that, except worse—I'm a grown woman, a failure—whose aspirations and admirations are grandiose, and dillusional. Now I'm even more delusional. I thought, for a moment that Sonny might be in love with me. In honesty? Sometimes I still think that. I actually still believe that. So why this approach? I'm partially convinced he was paid to ‘finish the job', so to speak. I was already suicidal, and, fresh out of the hospital on the attempt to end my life that failed, again. So this would do it—make me hope and believe I could be something, someone, anyone—that I could be anything—even a superstar DJ-turned-future President. I'm a fucking joke. Someone, who could have anyone—in love with me? Maybe this is why people sneak into tents at music festivals: They don't love you— They just want to fuck. DAY 1: MAY 1ST, 2020; If I am offered dinner, will eat--but if not, will continue forward. Will set an alarm for 3:30 AM once roommate has gone to bed to check for his keys. Everyone gets their own suicide letter. Mom Dad Bearr Annie Yesenia Sonny (just leave it to Annie w/ his rock && burn book) Let everybody know it's not their fault. Reasons: 1. Fat 2. Ugly 3. Black 4. Poor 5. Unsuccessful 6. Friendless 7. No Charisma 8. Single I don't know why I numbered them. Do you really need more than one reason to kill yourself? (no.) I believe i”ve started the fast that I was asked. Be it that I have, the date is May 1st, 2020--however, I've been wondering if my roommate leaves the keys to his car in an accessible place; I'm kind of hoping so. I'm already craving to eat, and the first 24 hours have yet to pass. Again, i'm always given the open to keep this date and continue forward, so long that I eat before midnight--however, nothing seems like the right answer; The matter of fasting has become a damned-if-I-do, damned-if-I-don't matter...it seems that everything I do is ‘wrong', though right-and-wrong are subjective, and multidimensionally, objective, even. I probably might have been dead by now, if my car battery hadn't died...it seems like the easiest and least painful way; something easy and quiet. I've thought about sharpening a knife, just to cut and let [myself] bleed out at the wrist--but then, I fear that I may panic and that my mind would fight to survive. I've thought about hanging from one of my favorite trees-- but haven't the money left to buy any rope--which, perhaps, I could steal--but to steal enough rope to hang myself with on foot? A tricky task, to say the least. So, really, some of me is hoping my roommate leaves his keys out. At first, the thought of committing my suicide here was unsettling. My roommate, Satan's personal favorite vehicle and overall negative void of a ‘person' (or vampire, honestly), is a drama Queen--he needs not only conflict and drama to survive, but fiends for it; something in me had somehow become too proud to give him something to girlishly blabber about with his narcissistic, simple friends--I can already hear the repetitive exclamations of “horror” that would more-than-likely delight him as he recounts the story of finding my body, over-and-over...at first it rather haunted me, and now i've come to peace with--bargaining that having him find my body would be something of a statement, which wordlessly reads “sticks and stones may break my bones but words got up and killed me.” Words. Little words. Big Words. Actions. Gestures. If it's negative, I can feel it in my body, before it even happens; If it's positive, it can leave me radiating for days on end, and without a care. My “living situation” has been nothing more than a prolonging of my already disastrously failed and predominately miserable life. A mentally-ill and often psychotic mother, followed by a too- young marriage to a dynamically similar person, has left me up Shit's creek with no boat; I'm pushing 30 with no significant other, and no significance at all. There are generations of perfect people, fresh out of high school--who can and will do everything I ever thought possible or imaginable, better than me. And it's my fault. NO ENTRY ON DAY 2. Gave Myself A “Skrillex” haircut. Wow. Fuck my life. DAY 3: The fast will end today, more than likely. I am overwhelmed with grief, at loss for motivation, and struggling to believe there is any positive outcome to anything I do. I'm already getting headaches, and acute hunger pains--usually these things don't happen until well after the third day. I suppose my body is telli

Sam Black records his 100th episode by talking about Blue Red in #MTGBro #draft Support the Show: Sponsor:https://store.gglehi.com/?ref=draftarchCoupon Code: 10%

Sam Black records his 100th episode by talking about Blue Red in #MTGBro #draft Support the Show: Sponsor:https://store.gglehi.com/?ref=draftarchCoupon Code: 10%

Magic; The Gathering pro Sam Black goes over Blue Red in Dominaria United draft Sponsor: Game Grid Lehihttps://store.gglehi.com/?ref=draftarchCoupon Code: 10%

Magic; The Gathering pro Sam Black goes over Blue Red in Dominaria United draft Sponsor: Game Grid Lehihttps://store.gglehi.com/?ref=draftarchCoupon Code: 10%

Mama B. talks about fall colors and the many shades of a color's meaning... from flying and showing one's true colors in sports and politics, to the colors of hate. Mama B. throws in some Rocky Top and Dolly too.

Blois Olson joined Vineeta for a little political talk and a LIZZO Concert review!

Dan chats with Alyssa Faden, mapmaker extraordinaire, about her projects mapping the worlds of Greyhawk and the rest of the D&D cosmos! Alyssa has been a professional cartographer and GenCon panelist since 2012. Her clientele includes Monte Cook Games, Kobold Press, Profantasy Software, Gygax Magazine, Golden Goblin Press, and Frog God Games. Her style is unique and self-taught, with influences from the lovely ink work of such greats as Jeff Laubenstein and Jeff Easley. And she's a long time Blue/Red box gamer with a passion for tabletop gaming and game mastering, and these decades of imagination and storytelling come through in her artwork. Her passion (and the thing she's best known for) is incredibly detailed, insane, hand-drawn maps. Be they cities and towns, nautical ship deck plans, or the sprawling Tegel Manor drawn at massive 14'x12' — her hallmark is and will always be incredible detail and personality. Check out Alyssa's website hereAnd watch Alyssa mapping live on her YouTube channel Wandering DMs Paul Siegel and Dan “Delta” Collins host thoughtful discussions on D&D and other TTRPGs every week. Comparing the pros and cons of every edition from the 1974 Original D&D little brown books to cutting-edge releases for 5E D&D today, we broadcast live on YouTube and Twitch so we can take viewer questions and comments on the topic of the day. Live every Sunday at 1 PM Eastern time.

Steven Strong: is a secondary school teacher with a background in Archaeology and Education. He was involved in the formation of a Graduate Diploma of Aboriginal Education for the N.S.W. Department of Education, writing units on Traditional Law and Contemporary History. He also co-authored the highly successful “Aboriginal Australia: A Language and Cultural kit”. Evan Strong: has a background in Anthropology & Indigenous Cultural Studies, Counselling & Mediation with a Bachelor's Degree in Social Sciences and Graduate Studies in Psychology. Evan has worked as a researcher for the Northern Rivers Area Health Service, a Social Worker, Teachers Aide, and a Funeral Director. They have spent many years learning, living and/or working with the Bundjalung Language Confederation (Northern Rivers Region of New South Wales), Ramindjeri (South Australia) and Gumilaroi peoples (Northern New South Wales). They operate under the doctrine of Wirritjin (Black Fella, White Fella Dreaming): In remembrance of Karno W…., spokesperson for the Ramindjeri. They work with a diverse informal network of Independent Researchers, Original Custodians/Elders, Patrons/Supporters and Friends. In consultation with Elders of Australia, we believe we have rediscovered a hidden history: The Out of Australia Theory. We have written five books “Constructing a New World Map”, “Mary Magdalene's Dreaming”, “Forgotten Origin“, “Shunned”/”Out of Australia” and “Between A Rock and a Hard Place” that rewrites the history of Australia and the world. Our books' main brief is to prove through the scientific fact that which the Elders insist is true. We have assembled facts about archaeological finds, and also early contact accounts, genetics, Serpent myths, Dreaming stories, Amerindian myths, parallels in religious texts, etc into one coherent theory. Unlike the authorities in one field who are limited in their specialty, we draw all the disciplines together and attempt to resolve the confusion. Our claim is supported by genes, mtDNA, blood and many experts, that Australian Original people set sail from Australia, not to, 50,000 years ago. We claim that Australian Original people sailed to and settled in America over 40,000 years ago, and visited many other places including Egypt, Japan, Africa, India etc. They were the first Homo sapiens who evolved before the Sapiens of Africa, and who gave the world art, axes, religion, marine technology, culture, co-operative living, language and surgery. The debate over whether they were the first people in America is virtually a closed case. Hundreds of bones and skulls have been discovered that are undeniable of “Australian Aboriginal” origin. What it all means has had even the experts mystified. Professor Clive Gamble claims we “have to construct a completely new map of the world, and how it was peopled.” We are responding to the call and attempting to clear up the confusion. We also trace the legacy of the Australian Original Dreaming found within the mystical sects and creeds. We believe its principal elements are evident in all expressions, particularly Gnosticism. Stephen and Evan's Website is: www.ouralienancestry.net For more typical skeptic podcast interviews go to: www.youtube.com/c/typicalskeptic www.anchor.fm/typical-skeptic www.rokfin.com/typicalskeptic To donate to the typical skeptic podcast buymeacoffee.com/typicalskeptic paypal me: typicalskeptic1@gmail.com #Hopi #Kachina #ElongatedSkulls #australia #podcast #typical_skeptic #alien #Ancestry #StephenStrong #EvanStrong #Viral #Youtubepodcast --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/typical-skeptic/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/typical-skeptic/support

B.S.4.C 14:09 --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/aei-leon/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/aei-leon/support

In which the gang, loopy after too many recordings, breaks the format a bit, much to Justen's distress.We have to discuss the big death in this episode, and whether we hate it or we just hate how the show makes us have to feel things in our cold hearts. The phrase "implanting apparatus" is uttered, to the dismay of Jude and Ana (and Zathras). A xenobiology moment too disturbing for JUDE is brought up. Spock is compared to a scruffed cat. Pike is Space Daddy, AGAIN.  We want to thank all the fanzine writers and rabid Spock/Chapel shippers who worked for the past 55 years to make Chapel a principal character in this show.The benefits and down-sides of a prequel that has some better characterization than the show that comes "next"...Connect with the show at @babylonpodjectHelp us keep the lights on via our Patreon!Justen can be found at @justenwritesAna can be found at @The_Mianaai, and also made our show art.Both Ana and Justen can also be found on The Compleat Discography, a Discworld re-read podcast.Jude Vais can be found at @eremiticjude. His other work can be found at Athrabeth - a Tolkien Podcast and at Garbage of the Five Rings.Music attribution: Space War by IdanKupferberg from PixabayThis show is edited and produced by Aaron Olson, who can be found at @urizenxvii

We previewed the Return of the Blue & Red practice at Highmark Stadium. Sports Illustrated business of sports analyst Andrew Brandt discussed the NFL officially appealing Browns QB Deshaun Watson's six-game suspension, who got the better of the Kyler Murray extension, and examined Lamar Jackson's contract status (50:45). We answered your most pressing Bills/NFL questions in the OBL Friday fan mailbag.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Live Recorded Set from VirtualDJ Radio ClubZone

Dan and Mary, The Blue Red Roses stopped by our studio recently to chat about their current residency at The Jasper Hotel in Downton Fargo, new music on the horizon, even their prior coffee business before they went full time with music, and more! Check it out! 

Senator Manchin's demur means Dems have only 49 votes at most for a big tax-and-spend package. Omicron rules may drive business and land value to red states. Rio Tinto hires a Canadian Sinophile CEO, but will unwoke mining shareholders tolerate his decisions? NYU impoverishes its grad students and Stephen Spielberg flops with woke West Side Story remake.

Warning: Explicit ContentPart 2 of our Adventures in the Forgotten Realms review! Alex and Guy (minus Blake who is lost in some other dungeon) review the other cards in this set before getting into the Precons!#EDH #Commander #MagicTheGathering———————————How it Begins by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution license (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/...)Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-...Artist: http://incompetech.com/Follow us on Twitter:https://twitter.com/WizardsStaff101Checkout our iTunes:https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/t...Checkout our Spotifyhttps://open.spotify.com/show/16xTrhzzFFPe4uxJxAH5clOfficial Commander Website: https://mtgcommander.netGuy Gibboney: Artistic Management, Production, Account ManagerBlake Pintler: Head Note Curator, Assistant to Artistic Management, He Thought of the NameEmail: thewizardsstaff101@gmail.comSupport the show (https://twitter.com/WizardsStaff101)Support the show (https://twitter.com/WizardsStaff101)

Today, we are going to explore idioms and expressions related to blue and red colors. 今日のトピックは、青と赤色に関する慣用句や表現を　みてみましょう。 --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/japanese-mania/message

Podcast #4: Title: Take The Red Pill, Or Rot In Gomorrah! Topics: Hunter Biden was the single best investment of the decade, what vaccines mean for your investment portfolio, The Great Blue/Red Divide; freedom vs control, We can't “re-woke” Georgia dimms before the runoff on Jan 5, 2021, and Russ' big fantasy.   Welcome back friends to In My Right Mind where we value BOTH truth AND facts. My name is Russ Andrews and I am joined… as always…. by my good friend PJ Jaycox. We can't tell you how much we appreciate you listening to us. As most of you know, we started this podcast about 2 ½ weeks ago, and our goal was to get to the top 50% of all podcasts within 1 month, and we are 67% of the way there. Thank you all, and again, if you like what you hear, PLEASE tell a friend to tune into In My Right Mind!   Before we get started PJ, what do you notice when you see people walking down the streets of NYC? They are all wearing masks, right? The virtue-signalling left insists that masks stop the spreasd of “THE VIRUS”. If all New Yorkers are wearing masks, then how are they still getting sick? Let me remind you folks that 3 weeks ago the WSJ reported that masks reduce Covid infections by a whopping 2%.    PJ, WHAT WAS THE SINGLE BEST INVESTMENT OF THE DECADE? Here's a hint: the initial investment cost, from what I can discern, was about $126 myn. Any ideas? Here's another hint: this investment was made by the Chinese Commie Party over the course of about 7 years.   You see PJ, I am STUNNED at how little money it took to BUY a U.S. presidential administration.     I skimmed thru the senate report on Biden corruption and it is filled with muddied waters, weird wire transfers, dozens and dozens of LLC's and scores CCP companies and principals. My main takeaway is this: the Biden corruption waters are muddier than Act Blue's fund raising efforts for BLM, Inc. and the Democrat Party. You might remember we talked about the tangled web of interaction between BLM inc and Act Blue a couple of weeks ago. Let's look at the numbers on Chinese remittances to the Biden family: Most recently China Energy Co CEFC gave $10 myn to Hunter Biden & his pals, ostensibly to run a U.S susidiary of CEFC. Hunter Biden had $5 myn of that wired to his bank account.   Along with the CEFC bribe, Hunter Biden and his amigos have run a hedge fund since 2014. I doubt any of them knows the symbol for lets say…IBM…which is, of course… IBM. But somehow they run a hedge fund, and from what I can discern, Hunter owns about 10% of that fund Most hedge funds charge 2%/20% to run money. Typically, they take 2% of the assets they manage at the beginning of every year, and they take 20% of all returns above 10%.  IF Hunter's hedge fund…let's call it Crack Pipe Simoleans…runs $1.5 byn for the CCP as reported by Peter Schweizer, that means the fund earns some $30 myn/yr of which Hunter and his family take $3 myn/yr. Seven years earns him $21 myn, assuming the fund never earned more than 10% in any given year, in which case Hunter & Co would have earned more. But I HIGHLY doubt Hunter's Crack Pipe hedge fund ever earned any actual money. In fact, given the IQ levels of these clowns, I suspect they did nothing but lose money. That's just my guess. But it is an educated given that I have run money for more than 33 years and it is not something you pick-up on the fly.   AND, I am certain the CCP understood that Hunter & Co didn't know how to run money. If I was the Chinese Commie placed in charge of monitoring the investments made by Crack Pipe Simoleans I would have placed a collar on the $1.5 byn, limiting losses to say, $100 myn.  Explain a collar: sell calls in the market that obligate you to sell your holdings at a higher price if your...

The Thirsty Mage and the Talk Nintendo Podcast get together to play the original Pokémon for the Nintendo Game Boy. The crew discusses how it's the perfect game to get kids introduced to the RPG genre.