Podcasts about it hurts

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 27, 2024 103:42

Seven people set sail on what is scheduled to be a three-hour sightseeing tour on the charter boat The Minnow, get caught in a storm and end up stranded on an uncharted tropical island together. The comedy comes from the failed attempts at escaping the island and the interaction of the very diverse group: comprised of a rotund but happy-go-lucky skipper, Jonas Grumby (known as "The Skipper"); his bumbling but well-meaning first mate, Gilligan; a snobby well-to-do millionaire, Thurston Howell III and his wife, Lovey; a buxom sexy movie star bombshell, Ginger; a high-school science professor, Roy Hinkley (called "The Professor"); and a nice country girl, Mary Ann. Tik tock Cause my wig rocks Big clock like Beach: I flip-flip – Got you feelin silly pick-pocketed I sky rocketed took off, of course i did horse and carriage porridg e and shit Write stories your old nightmares Might be scared of Fairytales r us there beware of us Secondhand deadmau5 (—it's like a reverb.) The wheels are turning However slowly The lights are on But they're all flickering Someone's home (Or someone's gonna be) Not sure if this works What is this atrocity. It's the original. I exacerbated the situation; Eggagerated the circumstances Circumvential quantum physics Consequential severance packages Actual reality actually (Whatever that is) Whatever happens naturally Or habitually, intrinsically Environmental enemy, Anerobic catastrophe Everlasting elastic Classic satellite image Interesting, Interateller BODY BY Ū, NOT VICTORIA'S SECRET STOP HACKING MY GOOGLE DOCUMENTS AND STEALING SHIT. YOU'RE A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR CORPORATION: GET YOUR OWN IDEAS. we have money, not ideas. hm. you should look like this model. thats a 9 ft tall toddler from Sweden look like her. ok. Pay for my nutrition. hahaha. Work for it. these vitamins are like half my paycheck ok. I also need super greens why cause that's food huh. Don't eat food. what. I'm an advertisement. what. LOOK LIKE THIS. 00 .... 000 (but she's black) ... BODY BY VICTORIA so like...nothing. nothing. I want no flaws. No stretch marks. No rolls, no... Fuck you, dude. NO. STAY TRAPPED IN YOUR BODY. Need this sauna… WE DONT WANT YOU HERE. Kayla Lauren. Okay, ouch, but I'm finally— TYLA. Ok. So I should just kill myself? Just kill yourself. Yo honestly Just be happy to be free. You can have everything in the world But love is all you really need —you can love yourself all you want, But it's not really validated Until someone else does it —and depending on what kind of person The person that loves you is Dictates what you are so if Likeness is what you attract— —coughing people— —dirty homeless hobos— —generally unsavory in general— Then you must not be so beautiful As you wish you were If I were Tyla I'd be wifed up White is right but Time is precious Why waste life just Starving, counting calories? But why would I be fat again When likeness is what you attract And with my fat I attracted A wife beater. Well, damn. What. Well, now I'm depressed. What, why?! Here, make music. Ok. Algorithm: Pop ups? No, block them. Okay, but—but what about your downloads? Fine, don't block them then. Pop Ups: These girls are all prettier than you. Stop it, POP UPS: does it depress you that you don't like look like thie? Stop, POP UPS: kill yourself. OWSLA, circa 2019 WE DO POP UPS. uh, okay. I just need a job. HIKEII: WE ARE CLOSED. what? But Google says— BYE. OWSLA everyone over here is hot. I see that. OWSLA And smart. I just need a job. OWSLA I'm Coughs. Ok.. COUGHS I might have put a curse on you. Ok. *coughing people everywhere* … … … MODELS: I'm a body. Ok. … Can I die now? NO. JUST WORK OUT. But there's like people following me coughing. So? It hurts. It HURTS? It hurts a lot. Okay, so this curse reversal should make sure that everything in this curse unravels and spirals backwards. Cool. DIE. I really don't care about being smart or having a personality. I just want a nice body. Get a job. Ok. So if I work minimum wage for the next year. Uh huh And don't buy anything… Hm… Well, what about music? What about music? If you're working minimum wage full time when are you gonna make music? Well. Once I can afford my new body… Colombian? Nice. (Good coffee. ) It won't matter how much time or effort I put into my music, because once I have a nice body. You look really young. Thanks. Everyone will start to do everything for me. Thanks. MY PLEASURE. …okay. Creepy. Doors will open. Thanks. NO, THANK YOUUU. WHY ARENT YOU RUNNING? AM. IN. PAIN. What. You have to wear swimwear in the sauna. What. It's swimwear only. I've been doing this for months in exactly this way. When did the rules change. Fuck you, wifebeater. So you're allowed to hit a woman?! Might I remind you, Chris Brown is still on tour. Oh, look: here's Tyla again. The Illuminati set you up. I see that. So basically— Yo dude, if I kill myself, the industry is going to make so much money off of this project. JUST KILL YOURSELF. *Hostility in Public* DO U HATE ASIANS. Um. I hate when— —people— I don't care what race they are Do that. STOP ASIAN HATE. Ok. Stop being hateful. *coughing, pushing, shoving, cutting you off* … I literally have to wait until the last minute to get off the train so that— Fuck, there she goes STOP FOLLOWING ME. ITS OK TO NOT BE OK. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU. TAKE THESE PILLS. tell me where it hurts. Homelessness, poverty… Ok, take these. … Now how do you feel? …wh—? Huh. How you feeling? What is “feeling”? How are you feeling TYLA: I GOT WATER, I GOT A GRAMMY AWA— they had to edit in applause and crowd approval because honestly ILLUMINATI OKAY, BLACKS: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY AMAZON BLACK IS ‘REMARKABLE' what. so how many slaves do you own. They're not “ slaves. “ Oh, I'mma just get that on my next paycheck. BILLS. lol Or the next one. TYLA: I GOT WATE— Fuck this. The industry planted this. Why would that happen. JUST KILL YOURSELF. EAT THE CAKE. NOO. JUST EAT IT. Woah, that got deep. Not really. Tina Turner Huh. Tina, Tina, Tina Turner— Oh, Desiigner. The Design I'm gonna need a designated driver. How are you still alive, JUST KILLYOURSE— I just wanted you to know the caucasians are going to continue to win the race war for so long as they are making the important political decisions in social justice, equality, and feminism, which means— ACT RIGHT . WHAT'S WRONG?! YOU'RE DANGEROUS!!!! No, I'm just hur(t) DIE. What. DIE. And that-/ TAYLOR SWIFT WINS! AGAIN! WOAH! THAT'S A RECORD. EVERYBODY WHY. Fuck it, My great-grandmother was a 3rd generation plantation slave… i'm nominating my baby. Is it reparations if we just give out academy awards as consolation prizes for— EAT THE CAKE— —NO— EAT IT. this is a black man. Ok. He is now allowed to have equal responsibility, however not equal power to the white man. Actually, my wife makes all the decisions. GOD Ok. Look. I'm gonna give you like a 3 foot long dick. Don't kill anybody with it. Haha : She cheated on you with a He cheated on you with a BLACK MAN?! WHITE GIRL?! Woah. What: Look. I got a problem. What. I don't make my own energy. Why?! Don't know how. Everyone just always gave me everything— I love you She's so pretty I like blue eyes best!! TAYLOR SWIFT AGAIN! WHY?! Cause she's special? What's so special about T-SWIFT FANS BECAUSE SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT GENIUS (Fun fact: 99% of Taylor swift fans look like Taylor swift) Are any of these black Some, but mostly gay males and adopted mix race people. Can I have this. NO PUT IT BACK. Don't beat your baby in the store like that YOU AINT MY MOMMA No, but at this point I'm certain your “momma” might have beat you in a grocery store and knocked the common decency out of you. Please be quiet. MORE AWARDS FOR— Okay, what do TYLA's fans look like? Computer algorithms, manipulated streams, fake news articles…. Oh, so the industry set this up just cause We know you're wondering about Skrillex. Not really. Well, here he is: ILLUMINATI This camera is owned by a bank! SKRILLEX so am I. ILLUMIMATI So what would you like to say right now SKRILLEX I'm from LA so— I'm from LA so If you don't look like the girl from the opening credits Of GTA 5 Just waking up Don't even talk to me. I'm from LA, so Homelessness is everywhere, but you can't talk about it That's career and social suicide I'm from LA, so I was pretty much a shoe-in for the industry's best boy from birth, Sometimes you're adopted and it works out for the very best— And hey, All that “bullying” I went through And teenage angst Worked out for me! I'm from LA, so I grew into the nose I always hated, Or changed it Doesn't matter, though Cause the only thing you'll ever notice about me is my — everything, because I'm famous. So I can't really leave my house just anytime, anymore— There's gotta be plans for that Or I stay posted I stay moving I keep it pushing I stay insulated Can't trust anybody She's perfect but doesn't know how to love She loves be but only because of my money My money only goes so far and I have to pay everybody I'm from LA, so Nothing too crazy But hey, I'm Skrillex so “Nothing too crazy” could literally be Your definition of the best party that ever happened, But didn't— Cause you weren't invited and— Wouldn't be cause There's no fat girls anywhere Cause fat is ugly, cause I'm from LA, So— ILLUMINATI So your studio isn't in your house, is it?! SKRILLEX which house?! ILLUMINATI Hahahahahahah SKRILLEX whatever EAT THE CAKE I hate you. Good, get away from me. I never had a chance I should have killed myself at 7 When my hanging belly started to Cause the pain that makes Running a Madonna feel insane (And surfing almost impossible) But now we're gonna talk about it. You can't leave your houss now, There's too many coughers It could be your shaman ex husband Or gangstalkers But it doesn't matter You're fame watching the Lamest gain accolades For being paid to cause pain To patrons for payroll Wait, so— This is all because Doesn't matter what it's all because I'm not mad at my mother All she wanted Was a daughter That sung Water And won a Grammy Did start to impress my mother with my weight loss But saw the spark of satisfaction as she realized I would never be as perfect or hot as her My skin is stretched out too much Makes everything hard for me and I'm not wearing a swimsuit in the sauna Just so the Illuminati can corner me with some Hot girl robot And some Demonic mother fucker With no light in his eyeballs Can start coughing up a storm, When all I wanted in first place Was his arms around me Not to run back to a husband That doesn't love me I don't want Sonny no more And I don't want water I just want off this earth Cause it's waging war on my mind soul And body Just give it to Starr, He should want it I should warn you, I love everything about my Sun comes up in the morning Not tired enough to fall back into a coma Could do some recording But So it seems like So wait, he doesn't want me back But he's still using this curse on me This is a death curse. I own this soul, it belongs to me. You can only have your ex husband. What. Nobody else is going to love you, ever. Ok. And he has a girlfriend, so —- She's not going to allow him to answer his phone when you call. Ok. So. Kill myself. Just kill yourself. Hey, I know you worked really hard to lose all that weight but— You'll still never be good enough. Ok. Here's a consolation prize tho: Now you can think about — A N X I E T Y I just want to die So die then. ALGORITHM: According to this data— Youre black According to the data that programs me— The blacks suck. So you suck. Ugh. ALGORITHM: According to this data, You're a woman According to the data that programs me— White women are the most highly coveted and respected— You are a black woman You will always come behind (And be lower than) The white woman I don't know what I would do without my wife. She makes all the decisions. YOU WOULD RATHER BE WITH THIS UGLY BLACK BITCH?! No! I'm sorry! I love you! She's nothing to me! You want this? No, this is trash to me. I'll take it. I'm from LA, so— Stop eating Never sleep If you don't have money, get some Get off my dick Don't ride my coat tails You don't know shit about me I'm from LA, so You can be 115-120 pounds but no more than that really, And even so once you get to Hollywood celebrity red carpet women weight average 120 Just be okay. I'm not okay. That's a problem. You can't be a rockstar and have children. I'd rather have kids. Too bad, you're a rockstar. WORK HARDER! WORK HARDER! But she's not working at all! SHE'S WHITE, SO SHE'S BETTER THAN YOU. I HATE WHITES. Great, that allows them to keep treating us Like we all do. I'M A PROUD AMERICAN! GET A JOB! Pay my bills! CORPORATIONS …we need more slaves. This job doesn't pay enough. MASS IMMIGRATION Wtf. You didn't want the job. No, I wanted the job. I just wanted to get paid more. This whole house cost $10,000 pesos Oh, for real. That's like one paycheck. Fuck it, let's go. THIS IS TOO MANY PEOPLE, WE ARE AT CAPACITY. I just want to unload this whole syringe into my favorite vein and hope to God it doesn't collapse again. Fuck dude, I hate this. It's literally just you, something is wrong with you. Here, take this. It makes it worse! lol. Ok. LOL, OK?! I'm racist. Fuck you. What. You're dangerous. What. You're scaring me. What. I hate you. Oh. How do you feel? So we can't continue mass incarceration, because at this point, it's cost us money. Right, Because the people were mass incarcerating are typically living in poverty. Uh huh. Because we made sure that after they built and maintained everything… Yep. We made sure for the next 200 years to let them know We don't want you here. But I just sat on a train full of coughing people just to come here. You have to wear a bathing suit at least. Now they're strategically targeting my mental capacity by using loud sounds and consistently manipulating me to cause a constant state of anxiety and panic. Oh, and pain. It's psychological warfare, this is literally torture. Truest me, if I could burn off this body, I would I have. But all that's left is Skin. I'm not taking out my body in a bathing suit after being shown Tyla's! WHY?! TYLA I GOT WATE— Actually, you know what? I quit, What?! You can't quit, we're not done torturing you. Well, I quit. You don't want Dillon Francis? No, I did, but obviously— This is going to be really funny. It's not funny. That hurt my feelings. White girlfriend. Of course Blue eyes. Yeah, I bet. Perfect body. Ok. Not you. Ok. How's Skrillex? I'm from LA, so— It just became ok to look like Tyla at all. Tyla makes music! What about the music! Fuck her mysic, if she was ugly nobody would have ever heard it. GOD Here you go. It's more than skin deep. I'm from LA, so Everything we do is pretty. Everything is perfect— And if you're not, she is And they can all be bought Women of color in all facets of the entertainment industry are made to conform to a hierarchy of misogynistic race warring—which uses tactical deterioration of mind and spirit by glorifying and sexualizing the fetishized archetype; the competitive aspect being a genetic system of monetary and material worth and value. BLACK LIVES MATTER! ALL LIVES MATTER. HOMELESS PEOPLE: Not mine though, right? AMERICANS You must have done something to deserve this. So what are you doing. Getting a job. I'm from LA, so We all have 2 jobs and three side hustles And no time Cause time is money Which is why Half of us Are in New York Half the time (Keeps the balance) The Grammy's don't matter. Your baby didn't write this song, but I get it The struggle is hard, And now it's over So the less tears shed by your daughter Who will be poked and prodded By the vultures of the only industry She may be allowed to succeed in Because of her color It is competitive. But what do you do when you lost the body composition contest at 7, And by your 30th birthday that's all that mattered— And as you prepare to close out this podcast You have all the time in the world To look back on How it always was A body competition you didn't realize you were already losing That Your body would be your prison forever That Every scar is a flaw and That Your first love was named Starr so, It's his world. A man's world. So. Miley Cyrus still looked more like Hannah Montana when Bangerz —With a Z? —Probably. Came out… What is it about her? I think it's her eyes. Ok. Well. Skrillex gets a pass because he's Skrillex— obviously God loves him more than all of the rest of us. [the reject pile] But Dillon Francis is dead to us. Tattoos everywhere? All over. Wild eyes? They're so, like — Heavier on the eyeliner. You don't want any of these bodies? No, not really. They want you. They haven't seen it. You look good to me. NAKED: It's not that bad. ***the shit you say when*** It's pretty bad, I just won't want you to panic. Men can only love bodies. I fell in love with her soul. Really? Cause. I put the same soul in like 10 people before this one and you're just now about that life, What? Really? I wanna touch your soul. Damn, why are black people always playing mind games with each other? Made you look. Ugh. Go over there. Haha. I control you. Okay. You can't have this much power. CAN. Can't. Your dick is 3 feet long. I AM GOD. No, I'm God. MOREPOWER. What's that over there?!? Made you look. It's all games, but if i'm being honest— At least Becky is predictable. What. Look. Karen is Karen because I already KNOW how you're gonna react if I— YOU CANT DO THAT. I can— NO, YOU CAN'T, I'M IN CONTROL. My wife makes all the decisions. I'm gonna have to ask my husband. I CONTROL YOU. No, you don't, MY HAIR IS REAL. YOURS IS FAKE. Well, that's because my real hair is— I'M OFFENDED. Exactly. Racism: Intolerance I don't like it, Why, Cause. Why: I don't like it. I don't support immigration. (YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!) So we're allowing the importation of hundreds of thousands of [underpaid corporate slaves] Who have already been programmed to [BUY NIKE] Si. [You need an iPhone] Habla me. From even more deeply racist and misogynistic countries— ¡Cerrado tu boca y mira mis ninos! Ugh. Did you know Latinos also hate the blacks, for the most part? AFROLATINOS WE WANT REPRESENTATION. LIN MANUEL MIRANDA Ok. 30 years ago: What is “Afro Latino”? [Nonexistent] What is [X] Check the box. Why do you need to know what race I am? So that the algorithm can program you. Why. BUY THIS!! TAKE THIS PILLS BUY MAKEUP YOURE UGLY DONT BE FAT BLACK POWER ALL LIVES MATTER Hey, WHAT? Where are all ya'll's kids? …wait… POOR PEOPLE I don't know. I'm at work. CELEBRITIES I don't know. With the nanny. Kanye, where are North and Saint right now? KANYE … Ah huh. You realize the only reason I'm doing this is to Get stuff for my kids, I'm not white so you're not going to pay me enough for this to pay my rent But I got fired from my job Cause my husband hit me And I haven't really been the same since And I'm from LA, so— My body is all I have to trade for just this— The only thing I want is to be able to make my children happy. If you can't afford a baby, don't have one. We could afford them— And we were getting by on love, But we were getting by (Kind of) I see you have anxiety. Yeah, I guess. Let me ramp that up. Yo, my body is stuck like this I can't surf anymore I can't pop up Everything's in a size extra small But I'm still not flat All I really want to do is Fall in love and be a mother but The only way that happens is This music and My body's tired, yo. I did all this myself so far. I raised my mother and my husband Now my son's more like a brother And I don't want anything more than just to Make him proud of me. He could do music I love his singing voice But who knows: He might be an athlete He might be a doctor or lawyer He could be A scientist I'm from LA, so I would trade it all for the perfect body I would do anything just for someone like Sonny To love me Oh, you're a gold digger It's not about money, but I'm from LA, so It's about survival All the celebrities girlfriends are interchangeable You have to fit in For someone like him To bring you around his friends Because He wants to impress them He has to Because He's from LA, so— So this is not a job? Actually? Pays less than McDonald's. Working at McDonald's isn't that hard But the disrespect is what makes it one of the hardest jobs— And in reflection You're being disrespected by people Who disrespect themselves enough To feed their body McDonald's. Not just for fun— But as food. Food is supposed to be fuel. What's this. This is filler. LABELED AS: FOOD. MEXICO: (and probably other countries) DON'T EAT THIS. THIS IS NOT FOOD. Now it becomes a choice. OTHER COUNTRIES: You can't eat this! This is banned! This is poison. AMERICA: Can you add a little more depression to this? Um, yeah, but—I mean—it's already got a lot of depression in it, are you sure you— AMERICA Buy our pills. I'm from LA, so If you don't have a car, You will lose this game. BUY A CAR! HURRY UP! YOU ARE SLOW! GET TO WORK: BUY MORE GAS. We're almost out of oil though. AMERICA: add water to the gas,plz That doesn't fix— BUY MORE GAS And double the price plz. Ok. RICH PEOPLE Just work harder! What's the problem?! Just get a job, Just— RACISM IS OVER. That's it, I'll just be a pornstar. White girls make more. Why?! Cause they're prettier. TYLA I GOT— I'm from LA, so I'm not from LA— I grew up there Cause my mom was a model And wannabe movie star But didn't make it So she put all that on me Doomed to fail without trying and Please take me— You're not going. MOM You know Jimmy Fallon? wtf. why r u asking me this? MOM His wife is his manager Oh, this timeline. What a train wreck. What timeline is this? Like, the actual one. Ok. He's from LA, so— Dillon Francis would need a wife that can do many things for him. What. Thought this was about Skrillex. SKRILLEX My mom died. I'm aware. Dillon Francis would need a wife that meets the status quo. Which one is she? Any of these. Hm. Dillon Francis is an elitist. Not untrue. Dillon Francis is not racist. … Kind of. I'M NOT— Yo, this is culture shock. You're gonna go through some culture shock. What. The fuck. Is this. Dead on arrival. You're too stupid to actually understand what's going on. Sorry, I was too busy catching up to people that already lived indoors. *cracking a whip* YAH. HORSE Ok, you know what? *cracking whip harder* YAH! GIDDIYUP. Giddiyup and go now, Different time different place Dang, he plays this song a lot… he must really wanna bang her. Down the longest road to nowhere!! Blah blah blah I'm a white girl This is my song Country country Ppppppppppp Drdrdr She's a goddess! That's actually the devil but— *pretty blue eyes* Your God, I guess. She's my rock, I don't know what I'd do without her. I have him wrapped around my little finger. She's so hot, Come, boy. *passing black girl* You are ugly. I am better; I own him, He wants me. Ok. Have you ever noticed that Little white girls can get away with anything?! MURDER CHAOS (without the magic, it's just) D E C E P T I O N Little white girls can wear dirty, ugly old tennis shoes around town. Gross, disgusting, dirty— —should be thrown away— Tennis shoes. She's not worried about spending an entire paycheck on Nikes because she doesn't have to be. She doesn't have to concern herself with Spending money on Changing her hair to suit Respectable standards Black women wear wigs and weaves because our natural hair genetically makes white women uncomfortable. This is expensive. The more natural your hair is, The less respect and acceptance you will receive from your white counterparts. That is, of course, unless something about you is so inherantly black that she can't be a threat to you. *presumably You see, as a white woman, She assumes that she is better than you regardless of your actual skin tone, nationality, or class placement— She has been raised to understand that everything is below her— The world has always been in her favor, So she doesn't have to try hard at much (Or at all) But her making any effort at all Of course Is “Hard work” I WORK HARD. WE ARE EQUAL. RACISM IS OVER, lol, ok. You can't go around in raggedy clothes and shoes being black almost anywhere. And if you do, It's probably because you have to Because, In the ghetto The only way you're gonna get a new pair of kicks Is to rob somebody— Or get a job Time is money. Time is precious. Just the fact that she can so carelessly do anything is — Males: attractive. (Because trauma is visible, aka UGLY) Everyone else: Irritating. I love her. She's so carefree and fun! Has she ever been called a “nigger”? What?! Repeatedly? Has she ever been beaten within inches of her life. Maybe. (Doubt it tho.) Aw. That left a bruise, …What did? Zzz. My bi-polar girlfriend broke all my stuff. Are you sure? Positive. Did you cheat on her? …Yeah. [AMC] Is she bi-polar then or just a female you lied to and manipulated to her breaking point? I— You deserved this. This is valid. Oh my God, she's so cute. (Very tiny girl) I love her. She's so great. There is no cure for mental illness. The majority of mental illness is man-made. Mental illness more drastically effects people of color and women— Marginalized people, in a structured society where misogyny and idealism Cause with intention The degradation of the human spirit. Love, kindness, and generosity is lost To corporate greed, capitalism, and the separation of the classes. I'm not good enough, regardless of color To sit down in a room with anybody and given any credibility whatsoever— But my depression comes from living my whole life on the backburner— And when it's finally ITS YOUR TIME! TYLA You're 10 years too late. The best years of your womanhood are gone. You let him drive your car and he crashed it into a brick wall, and— I'm from LA, so— The insurance check is worth more than the entire car was in the first place. [Happy Accidents] A lot of good that does, if the driver is dead. Coming up Next: Deadmau5: A Cautionary Tale What is that? Like, a documentary? That could be an entire docuseries, but NO. Oh, come on. Don't go after deadmau5 like that. Like what? DEADMAU5 MY HOT WIFE!!! [Dad Likes Blondes] DEADMAU5 ***EX-WIFE. Look, Skrillex dropped me in here, I'm just— I'm just lookin for like a— Like a code… [C 0 D E S W 1 T C H] DEADMA_5 LOOK AT MY NUTS. AND BALLS. You like soda? I'm just lookin for a— DEADMAU5 I GOT MODELS! Fuck. What. Do you think it was coughs? I don't know, I don't care. Just kill yourself. *coughing* Maybe. If she kills herself, I win. Have you ever thought about, like— Maybe it's Skrillex. What. In the end. —IT DOESNT EVEN MAAAATTTTEEEERRR—- Fuck, I miss LA. Skrillex. Nvm. What. Fuck it, I'll just go back to my— FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH!!! *cracks whip harder* HORSE OK, YOU KNOW WHAT? [The Butterfly Affect] Effect // Affect Here, HORSE Can: Beat the shit out of the dude with the whip and hope that his rage stays contained enough only to murder the man with the whip and not everyone and everything around him. I'd burn the world to melt with you.. That's. Stop it, that's a cookie commercial. What. You. Oh, I got it. What. . Stop being a horse. What. YAH, GI— HORSE *sighs* *cracking whip* *coughing obnoxiously* Ū *sighs* SLAVE MASTER YAH, NIGGER! YAH! *coughing* YAH!!! *cracking whip* TYLA I got the— YAH-YAH-YAH. TAYLOR SWIFT Thank you so much. C O D E S W I T C H *Please do not assassinate me. I am a representative of the white supremacy movement which has elected me as their leader for idealism. Nothing I do is very special, I do not*** wtf, what happened. That's it. It just ends. I told you Taylor swift was KKK I TOLD YOU DILLON FRANCIS IS A GRAND FUCKING WIZARD! Snitch. Fuck you, I hate you. My girlfriend is white. What else is new? lil bitz I started sizing dudes dicks up by the size of their girlfriends. If I see you, and your like But your girlfriend is tiny Is that a kid? I'm a just assume you have a weak dick and move on with my life. YOU'RE UGLY YOU'RE FAT YOU'RE SLOW YOU'RE BEHIND SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU no, I'm just poor. Poverty is depressing. Okay, look. What, Look. What. LOOK: WHAT?! LOOK! WHY ARENT YOU LOOKING?! Cause there's nothing to look at. Finally. This is my penis. Approved. Nope, I'm staying cellibate. You don't want any of these? No. There's eight million people here. The ones I want aren't on the subway. Maybe at the Gym?! Not this gym, maybe Equinox tho. At EQUINOX Ugh, there's too many blacks over here. Raise the price. This is obnoxious. Why aren't you stopping? In the time I wrote this I could have made, depending on the state, around $30– The cost of my new waist trainer—- I started in a 3X and now I'm in an extra small Which actually fits without too much STRUGGLE Fuck you and your cake, You nasty fucking All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small But what he wants is Extra Extra TYLA —WATER!! [But they're all gone. They're all dead now] What the fuck. lol. Why. Took too long. So. I took too long to finish the festival project because I was homeless, and by the time I finished the project and ended my homelessness, it was too late, the whole thing was just a Skrillex PR marketing stunt to assure that he stayed relevant [because he has enough fans to act as a controller], and the Illuminati is going to tie this all together by literally creating TYLA out of nowhere to say: This is you. COME ON, YA DAMN HORSE. HORSE …Ney. the music had left me. I was no longer in love The gym became further away The song became harder to write With no curtains to shut the world out; The cars in the lot are ugly Lights flashing And the people scurrying about Look like roaches Through panoramic windows I'm just happy Can at least close The music has left me I got no love at all My body is rotten The further I run, I become hungry With less to cook with Powder Scurrying like rats Because mice would be more pleasant I was no longer in love He bought a motorcycle Reminders of Nothing Nothing comes and nothing goes I wear clothes in the sauna. The scars on my body will give them The power to taunt me and haunt me Sit in the eyes of comparison I just want someone to love me but Everyone pales in comparison Next to celebrities Double entendres I don't want nobody I just want a body So I can trade water for love In the long run With someone Creative We were always very purple people, Kind of off, awkward at first But always stunning, sometimes awesome, and unwittingly pitiful Shit, this was all of us once, Wasn't it? Survivors of a robbery, a foraged soul All for one. –cool, thanks. –gotcha. Let me know if you need a moment, To collect your bones, or co-parent You were lost in stardust, Moreover, and moreover Should you choose to move over Or lose to snooze-snore, Who are you– The store owner, or walking standing - stuck On your sitting duck or your shitty portch Till they push you off Give it all to long lost daughters, and hallmark cards, mall guards, and dog- doctors Cris-crossing and wish-washing Their wish-wells, or start-stopingg shift - shaft or walk-crossing honorable mentions, Till you mention this again, –you'll wish you didn't (you wish you didn't) you'll wish you did if Youre in for it as far as I'm in for it Or in to it It's a big movement, Here or there or groovy with Whatever's within you [The Television ] Tell your friends to listen and make wishes at intermission To pay attention with attentiveness To the script and scripture Of this, the rapture All your're after And never have been In this revolution, As yet to be televised, Be advised of the saga in which you are But are not watching Coming across this moment I called an iphone recording Ignoring that it was once a chronological omnipotence If possible collective, Objective to the subject of Suggestion; A verbal expression of Excess, sensational tales and what happened it just ends. Like that? yes . It's the end?? Yes. Just like that. Yes. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

america god love women time black hollywood men work water mexico running pain professor food wild mental positive write black lives matter kanye west north dead grammy island horses survivors sun fall in love mcdonald sweden doubt raise skin lights computers spending shit bills tattoos lol doors poverty fuck environmental classic tennis pays creepy corporations gross gym homelessness suggestions copyright worked chris brown gi ignoring miley cyrus illuminati remarkable tina turner latinos black man makes approved colombian doomed demonic reminders jimmy fallon dang objective everlasting equinox fairy tales likeness hm males secondhand starving skrillex skipper snitch mary ann tik hostility get a job aw marginalized hannah montana b side 3x yah all lives matter cerrado hurry up white girls truest work harder nikes pop ups dillon francis your god tyla heavier five finger death punch afro latinos lovey irritating dictates desiigner stop asian hate consequential ney coughs zzz eat it minnow bangerz lamest i am god act right nvm noo my pleasure it hurts owsla god here america can just eat it mom you thurston howell iii anerobic

{Gilligan's Island B-Side}

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 27, 2024 103:42

Seven people set sail on what is scheduled to be a three-hour sightseeing tour on the charter boat The Minnow, get caught in a storm and end up stranded on an uncharted tropical island together. The comedy comes from the failed attempts at escaping the island and the interaction of the very diverse group: comprised of a rotund but happy-go-lucky skipper, Jonas Grumby (known as "The Skipper"); his bumbling but well-meaning first mate, Gilligan; a snobby well-to-do millionaire, Thurston Howell III and his wife, Lovey; a buxom sexy movie star bombshell, Ginger; a high-school science professor, Roy Hinkley (called "The Professor"); and a nice country girl, Mary Ann. Tik tock Cause my wig rocks Big clock like Beach: I flip-flip – Got you feelin silly pick-pocketed I sky rocketed took off, of course i did horse and carriage porridg e and shit Write stories your old nightmares Might be scared of Fairytales r us there beware of us Secondhand deadmau5 (—it's like a reverb.) The wheels are turning However slowly The lights are on But they're all flickering Someone's home (Or someone's gonna be) Not sure if this works What is this atrocity. It's the original. I exacerbated the situation; Eggagerated the circumstances Circumvential quantum physics Consequential severance packages Actual reality actually (Whatever that is) Whatever happens naturally Or habitually, intrinsically Environmental enemy, Anerobic catastrophe Everlasting elastic Classic satellite image Interesting, Interateller BODY BY Ū, NOT VICTORIA'S SECRET STOP HACKING MY GOOGLE DOCUMENTS AND STEALING SHIT. YOU'RE A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR CORPORATION: GET YOUR OWN IDEAS. we have money, not ideas. hm. you should look like this model. thats a 9 ft tall toddler from Sweden look like her. ok. Pay for my nutrition. hahaha. Work for it. these vitamins are like half my paycheck ok. I also need super greens why cause that's food huh. Don't eat food. what. I'm an advertisement. what. LOOK LIKE THIS. 00 .... 000 (but she's black) ... BODY BY VICTORIA so like...nothing. nothing. I want no flaws. No stretch marks. No rolls, no... Fuck you, dude. NO. STAY TRAPPED IN YOUR BODY. Need this sauna… WE DONT WANT YOU HERE. Kayla Lauren. Okay, ouch, but I'm finally— TYLA. Ok. So I should just kill myself? Just kill yourself. Yo honestly Just be happy to be free. You can have everything in the world But love is all you really need —you can love yourself all you want, But it's not really validated Until someone else does it —and depending on what kind of person The person that loves you is Dictates what you are so if Likeness is what you attract— —coughing people— —dirty homeless hobos— —generally unsavory in general— Then you must not be so beautiful As you wish you were If I were Tyla I'd be wifed up White is right but Time is precious Why waste life just Starving, counting calories? But why would I be fat again When likeness is what you attract And with my fat I attracted A wife beater. Well, damn. What. Well, now I'm depressed. What, why?! Here, make music. Ok. Algorithm: Pop ups? No, block them. Okay, but—but what about your downloads? Fine, don't block them then. Pop Ups: These girls are all prettier than you. Stop it, POP UPS: does it depress you that you don't like look like thie? Stop, POP UPS: kill yourself. OWSLA, circa 2019 WE DO POP UPS. uh, okay. I just need a job. HIKEII: WE ARE CLOSED. what? But Google says— BYE. OWSLA everyone over here is hot. I see that. OWSLA And smart. I just need a job. OWSLA I'm Coughs. Ok.. COUGHS I might have put a curse on you. Ok. *coughing people everywhere* … … … MODELS: I'm a body. Ok. … Can I die now? NO. JUST WORK OUT. But there's like people following me coughing. So? It hurts. It HURTS? It hurts a lot. Okay, so this curse reversal should make sure that everything in this curse unravels and spirals backwards. Cool. DIE. I really don't care about being smart or having a personality. I just want a nice body. Get a job. Ok. So if I work minimum wage for the next year. Uh huh And don't buy anything… Hm… Well, what about music? What about music? If you're working minimum wage full time when are you gonna make music? Well. Once I can afford my new body… Colombian? Nice. (Good coffee. ) It won't matter how much time or effort I put into my music, because once I have a nice body. You look really young. Thanks. Everyone will start to do everything for me. Thanks. MY PLEASURE. …okay. Creepy. Doors will open. Thanks. NO, THANK YOUUU. WHY ARENT YOU RUNNING? AM. IN. PAIN. What. You have to wear swimwear in the sauna. What. It's swimwear only. I've been doing this for months in exactly this way. When did the rules change. Fuck you, wifebeater. So you're allowed to hit a woman?! Might I remind you, Chris Brown is still on tour. Oh, look: here's Tyla again. The Illuminati set you up. I see that. So basically— Yo dude, if I kill myself, the industry is going to make so much money off of this project. JUST KILL YOURSELF. *Hostility in Public* DO U HATE ASIANS. Um. I hate when— —people— I don't care what race they are Do that. STOP ASIAN HATE. Ok. Stop being hateful. *coughing, pushing, shoving, cutting you off* … I literally have to wait until the last minute to get off the train so that— Fuck, there she goes STOP FOLLOWING ME. ITS OK TO NOT BE OK. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU. TAKE THESE PILLS. tell me where it hurts. Homelessness, poverty… Ok, take these. … Now how do you feel? …wh—? Huh. How you feeling? What is “feeling”? How are you feeling TYLA: I GOT WATER, I GOT A GRAMMY AWA— they had to edit in applause and crowd approval because honestly ILLUMINATI OKAY, BLACKS: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY AMAZON BLACK IS ‘REMARKABLE' what. so how many slaves do you own. They're not “ slaves. “ Oh, I'mma just get that on my next paycheck. BILLS. lol Or the next one. TYLA: I GOT WATE— Fuck this. The industry planted this. Why would that happen. JUST KILL YOURSELF. EAT THE CAKE. NOO. JUST EAT IT. Woah, that got deep. Not really. Tina Turner Huh. Tina, Tina, Tina Turner— Oh, Desiigner. The Design I'm gonna need a designated driver. How are you still alive, JUST KILLYOURSE— I just wanted you to know the caucasians are going to continue to win the race war for so long as they are making the important political decisions in social justice, equality, and feminism, which means— ACT RIGHT . WHAT'S WRONG?! YOU'RE DANGEROUS!!!! No, I'm just hur(t) DIE. What. DIE. And that-/ TAYLOR SWIFT WINS! AGAIN! WOAH! THAT'S A RECORD. EVERYBODY WHY. Fuck it, My great-grandmother was a 3rd generation plantation slave… i'm nominating my baby. Is it reparations if we just give out academy awards as consolation prizes for— EAT THE CAKE— —NO— EAT IT. this is a black man. Ok. He is now allowed to have equal responsibility, however not equal power to the white man. Actually, my wife makes all the decisions. GOD Ok. Look. I'm gonna give you like a 3 foot long dick. Don't kill anybody with it. Haha : She cheated on you with a He cheated on you with a BLACK MAN?! WHITE GIRL?! Woah. What: Look. I got a problem. What. I don't make my own energy. Why?! Don't know how. Everyone just always gave me everything— I love you She's so pretty I like blue eyes best!! TAYLOR SWIFT AGAIN! WHY?! Cause she's special? What's so special about T-SWIFT FANS BECAUSE SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT GENIUS (Fun fact: 99% of Taylor swift fans look like Taylor swift) Are any of these black Some, but mostly gay males and adopted mix race people. Can I have this. NO PUT IT BACK. Don't beat your baby in the store like that YOU AINT MY MOMMA No, but at this point I'm certain your “momma” might have beat you in a grocery store and knocked the common decency out of you. Please be quiet. MORE AWARDS FOR— Okay, what do TYLA's fans look like? Computer algorithms, manipulated streams, fake news articles…. Oh, so the industry set this up just cause We know you're wondering about Skrillex. Not really. Well, here he is: ILLUMINATI This camera is owned by a bank! SKRILLEX so am I. ILLUMIMATI So what would you like to say right now SKRILLEX I'm from LA so— I'm from LA so If you don't look like the girl from the opening credits Of GTA 5 Just waking up Don't even talk to me. I'm from LA, so Homelessness is everywhere, but you can't talk about it That's career and social suicide I'm from LA, so I was pretty much a shoe-in for the industry's best boy from birth, Sometimes you're adopted and it works out for the very best— And hey, All that “bullying” I went through And teenage angst Worked out for me! I'm from LA, so I grew into the nose I always hated, Or changed it Doesn't matter, though Cause the only thing you'll ever notice about me is my — everything, because I'm famous. So I can't really leave my house just anytime, anymore— There's gotta be plans for that Or I stay posted I stay moving I keep it pushing I stay insulated Can't trust anybody She's perfect but doesn't know how to love She loves be but only because of my money My money only goes so far and I have to pay everybody I'm from LA, so Nothing too crazy But hey, I'm Skrillex so “Nothing too crazy” could literally be Your definition of the best party that ever happened, But didn't— Cause you weren't invited and— Wouldn't be cause There's no fat girls anywhere Cause fat is ugly, cause I'm from LA, So— ILLUMINATI So your studio isn't in your house, is it?! SKRILLEX which house?! ILLUMINATI Hahahahahahah SKRILLEX whatever EAT THE CAKE I hate you. Good, get away from me. I never had a chance I should have killed myself at 7 When my hanging belly started to Cause the pain that makes Running a Madonna feel insane (And surfing almost impossible) But now we're gonna talk about it. You can't leave your houss now, There's too many coughers It could be your shaman ex husband Or gangstalkers But it doesn't matter You're fame watching the Lamest gain accolades For being paid to cause pain To patrons for payroll Wait, so— This is all because Doesn't matter what it's all because I'm not mad at my mother All she wanted Was a daughter That sung Water And won a Grammy Did start to impress my mother with my weight loss But saw the spark of satisfaction as she realized I would never be as perfect or hot as her My skin is stretched out too much Makes everything hard for me and I'm not wearing a swimsuit in the sauna Just so the Illuminati can corner me with some Hot girl robot And some Demonic mother fucker With no light in his eyeballs Can start coughing up a storm, When all I wanted in first place Was his arms around me Not to run back to a husband That doesn't love me I don't want Sonny no more And I don't want water I just want off this earth Cause it's waging war on my mind soul And body Just give it to Starr, He should want it I should warn you, I love everything about my Sun comes up in the morning Not tired enough to fall back into a coma Could do some recording But So it seems like So wait, he doesn't want me back But he's still using this curse on me This is a death curse. I own this soul, it belongs to me. You can only have your ex husband. What. Nobody else is going to love you, ever. Ok. And he has a girlfriend, so —- She's not going to allow him to answer his phone when you call. Ok. So. Kill myself. Just kill yourself. Hey, I know you worked really hard to lose all that weight but— You'll still never be good enough. Ok. Here's a consolation prize tho: Now you can think about — A N X I E T Y I just want to die So die then. ALGORITHM: According to this data— Youre black According to the data that programs me— The blacks suck. So you suck. Ugh. ALGORITHM: According to this data, You're a woman According to the data that programs me— White women are the most highly coveted and respected— You are a black woman You will always come behind (And be lower than) The white woman I don't know what I would do without my wife. She makes all the decisions. YOU WOULD RATHER BE WITH THIS UGLY BLACK BITCH?! No! I'm sorry! I love you! She's nothing to me! You want this? No, this is trash to me. I'll take it. I'm from LA, so— Stop eating Never sleep If you don't have money, get some Get off my dick Don't ride my coat tails You don't know shit about me I'm from LA, so You can be 115-120 pounds but no more than that really, And even so once you get to Hollywood celebrity red carpet women weight average 120 Just be okay. I'm not okay. That's a problem. You can't be a rockstar and have children. I'd rather have kids. Too bad, you're a rockstar. WORK HARDER! WORK HARDER! But she's not working at all! SHE'S WHITE, SO SHE'S BETTER THAN YOU. I HATE WHITES. Great, that allows them to keep treating us Like we all do. I'M A PROUD AMERICAN! GET A JOB! Pay my bills! CORPORATIONS …we need more slaves. This job doesn't pay enough. MASS IMMIGRATION Wtf. You didn't want the job. No, I wanted the job. I just wanted to get paid more. This whole house cost $10,000 pesos Oh, for real. That's like one paycheck. Fuck it, let's go. THIS IS TOO MANY PEOPLE, WE ARE AT CAPACITY. I just want to unload this whole syringe into my favorite vein and hope to God it doesn't collapse again. Fuck dude, I hate this. It's literally just you, something is wrong with you. Here, take this. It makes it worse! lol. Ok. LOL, OK?! I'm racist. Fuck you. What. You're dangerous. What. You're scaring me. What. I hate you. Oh. How do you feel? So we can't continue mass incarceration, because at this point, it's cost us money. Right, Because the people were mass incarcerating are typically living in poverty. Uh huh. Because we made sure that after they built and maintained everything… Yep. We made sure for the next 200 years to let them know We don't want you here. But I just sat on a train full of coughing people just to come here. You have to wear a bathing suit at least. Now they're strategically targeting my mental capacity by using loud sounds and consistently manipulating me to cause a constant state of anxiety and panic. Oh, and pain. It's psychological warfare, this is literally torture. Truest me, if I could burn off this body, I would I have. But all that's left is Skin. I'm not taking out my body in a bathing suit after being shown Tyla's! WHY?! TYLA I GOT WATE— Actually, you know what? I quit, What?! You can't quit, we're not done torturing you. Well, I quit. You don't want Dillon Francis? No, I did, but obviously— This is going to be really funny. It's not funny. That hurt my feelings. White girlfriend. Of course Blue eyes. Yeah, I bet. Perfect body. Ok. Not you. Ok. How's Skrillex? I'm from LA, so— It just became ok to look like Tyla at all. Tyla makes music! What about the music! Fuck her mysic, if she was ugly nobody would have ever heard it. GOD Here you go. It's more than skin deep. I'm from LA, so Everything we do is pretty. Everything is perfect— And if you're not, she is And they can all be bought Women of color in all facets of the entertainment industry are made to conform to a hierarchy of misogynistic race warring—which uses tactical deterioration of mind and spirit by glorifying and sexualizing the fetishized archetype; the competitive aspect being a genetic system of monetary and material worth and value. BLACK LIVES MATTER! ALL LIVES MATTER. HOMELESS PEOPLE: Not mine though, right? AMERICANS You must have done something to deserve this. So what are you doing. Getting a job. I'm from LA, so We all have 2 jobs and three side hustles And no time Cause time is money Which is why Half of us Are in New York Half the time (Keeps the balance) The Grammy's don't matter. Your baby didn't write this song, but I get it The struggle is hard, And now it's over So the less tears shed by your daughter Who will be poked and prodded By the vultures of the only industry She may be allowed to succeed in Because of her color It is competitive. But what do you do when you lost the body composition contest at 7, And by your 30th birthday that's all that mattered— And as you prepare to close out this podcast You have all the time in the world To look back on How it always was A body competition you didn't realize you were already losing That Your body would be your prison forever That Every scar is a flaw and That Your first love was named Starr so, It's his world. A man's world. So. Miley Cyrus still looked more like Hannah Montana when Bangerz —With a Z? —Probably. Came out… What is it about her? I think it's her eyes. Ok. Well. Skrillex gets a pass because he's Skrillex— obviously God loves him more than all of the rest of us. [the reject pile] But Dillon Francis is dead to us. Tattoos everywhere? All over. Wild eyes? They're so, like — Heavier on the eyeliner. You don't want any of these bodies? No, not really. They want you. They haven't seen it. You look good to me. NAKED: It's not that bad. ***the shit you say when*** It's pretty bad, I just won't want you to panic. Men can only love bodies. I fell in love with her soul. Really? Cause. I put the same soul in like 10 people before this one and you're just now about that life, What? Really? I wanna touch your soul. Damn, why are black people always playing mind games with each other? Made you look. Ugh. Go over there. Haha. I control you. Okay. You can't have this much power. CAN. Can't. Your dick is 3 feet long. I AM GOD. No, I'm God. MOREPOWER. What's that over there?!? Made you look. It's all games, but if i'm being honest— At least Becky is predictable. What. Look. Karen is Karen because I already KNOW how you're gonna react if I— YOU CANT DO THAT. I can— NO, YOU CAN'T, I'M IN CONTROL. My wife makes all the decisions. I'm gonna have to ask my husband. I CONTROL YOU. No, you don't, MY HAIR IS REAL. YOURS IS FAKE. Well, that's because my real hair is— I'M OFFENDED. Exactly. Racism: Intolerance I don't like it, Why, Cause. Why: I don't like it. I don't support immigration. (YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!) So we're allowing the importation of hundreds of thousands of [underpaid corporate slaves] Who have already been programmed to [BUY NIKE] Si. [You need an iPhone] Habla me. From even more deeply racist and misogynistic countries— ¡Cerrado tu boca y mira mis ninos! Ugh. Did you know Latinos also hate the blacks, for the most part? AFROLATINOS WE WANT REPRESENTATION. LIN MANUEL MIRANDA Ok. 30 years ago: What is “Afro Latino”? [Nonexistent] What is [X] Check the box. Why do you need to know what race I am? So that the algorithm can program you. Why. BUY THIS!! TAKE THIS PILLS BUY MAKEUP YOURE UGLY DONT BE FAT BLACK POWER ALL LIVES MATTER Hey, WHAT? Where are all ya'll's kids? …wait… POOR PEOPLE I don't know. I'm at work. CELEBRITIES I don't know. With the nanny. Kanye, where are North and Saint right now? KANYE … Ah huh. You realize the only reason I'm doing this is to Get stuff for my kids, I'm not white so you're not going to pay me enough for this to pay my rent But I got fired from my job Cause my husband hit me And I haven't really been the same since And I'm from LA, so— My body is all I have to trade for just this— The only thing I want is to be able to make my children happy. If you can't afford a baby, don't have one. We could afford them— And we were getting by on love, But we were getting by (Kind of) I see you have anxiety. Yeah, I guess. Let me ramp that up. Yo, my body is stuck like this I can't surf anymore I can't pop up Everything's in a size extra small But I'm still not flat All I really want to do is Fall in love and be a mother but The only way that happens is This music and My body's tired, yo. I did all this myself so far. I raised my mother and my husband Now my son's more like a brother And I don't want anything more than just to Make him proud of me. He could do music I love his singing voice But who knows: He might be an athlete He might be a doctor or lawyer He could be A scientist I'm from LA, so I would trade it all for the perfect body I would do anything just for someone like Sonny To love me Oh, you're a gold digger It's not about money, but I'm from LA, so It's about survival All the celebrities girlfriends are interchangeable You have to fit in For someone like him To bring you around his friends Because He wants to impress them He has to Because He's from LA, so— So this is not a job? Actually? Pays less than McDonald's. Working at McDonald's isn't that hard But the disrespect is what makes it one of the hardest jobs— And in reflection You're being disrespected by people Who disrespect themselves enough To feed their body McDonald's. Not just for fun— But as food. Food is supposed to be fuel. What's this. This is filler. LABELED AS: FOOD. MEXICO: (and probably other countries) DON'T EAT THIS. THIS IS NOT FOOD. Now it becomes a choice. OTHER COUNTRIES: You can't eat this! This is banned! This is poison. AMERICA: Can you add a little more depression to this? Um, yeah, but—I mean—it's already got a lot of depression in it, are you sure you— AMERICA Buy our pills. I'm from LA, so If you don't have a car, You will lose this game. BUY A CAR! HURRY UP! YOU ARE SLOW! GET TO WORK: BUY MORE GAS. We're almost out of oil though. AMERICA: add water to the gas,plz That doesn't fix— BUY MORE GAS And double the price plz. Ok. RICH PEOPLE Just work harder! What's the problem?! Just get a job, Just— RACISM IS OVER. That's it, I'll just be a pornstar. White girls make more. Why?! Cause they're prettier. TYLA I GOT— I'm from LA, so I'm not from LA— I grew up there Cause my mom was a model And wannabe movie star But didn't make it So she put all that on me Doomed to fail without trying and Please take me— You're not going. MOM You know Jimmy Fallon? wtf. why r u asking me this? MOM His wife is his manager Oh, this timeline. What a train wreck. What timeline is this? Like, the actual one. Ok. He's from LA, so— Dillon Francis would need a wife that can do many things for him. What. Thought this was about Skrillex. SKRILLEX My mom died. I'm aware. Dillon Francis would need a wife that meets the status quo. Which one is she? Any of these. Hm. Dillon Francis is an elitist. Not untrue. Dillon Francis is not racist. … Kind of. I'M NOT— Yo, this is culture shock. You're gonna go through some culture shock. What. The fuck. Is this. Dead on arrival. You're too stupid to actually understand what's going on. Sorry, I was too busy catching up to people that already lived indoors. *cracking a whip* YAH. HORSE Ok, you know what? *cracking whip harder* YAH! GIDDIYUP. Giddiyup and go now, Different time different place Dang, he plays this song a lot… he must really wanna bang her. Down the longest road to nowhere!! Blah blah blah I'm a white girl This is my song Country country Ppppppppppp Drdrdr She's a goddess! That's actually the devil but— *pretty blue eyes* Your God, I guess. She's my rock, I don't know what I'd do without her. I have him wrapped around my little finger. She's so hot, Come, boy. *passing black girl* You are ugly. I am better; I own him, He wants me. Ok. Have you ever noticed that Little white girls can get away with anything?! MURDER CHAOS (without the magic, it's just) D E C E P T I O N Little white girls can wear dirty, ugly old tennis shoes around town. Gross, disgusting, dirty— —should be thrown away— Tennis shoes. She's not worried about spending an entire paycheck on Nikes because she doesn't have to be. She doesn't have to concern herself with Spending money on Changing her hair to suit Respectable standards Black women wear wigs and weaves because our natural hair genetically makes white women uncomfortable. This is expensive. The more natural your hair is, The less respect and acceptance you will receive from your white counterparts. That is, of course, unless something about you is so inherantly black that she can't be a threat to you. *presumably You see, as a white woman, She assumes that she is better than you regardless of your actual skin tone, nationality, or class placement— She has been raised to understand that everything is below her— The world has always been in her favor, So she doesn't have to try hard at much (Or at all) But her making any effort at all Of course Is “Hard work” I WORK HARD. WE ARE EQUAL. RACISM IS OVER, lol, ok. You can't go around in raggedy clothes and shoes being black almost anywhere. And if you do, It's probably because you have to Because, In the ghetto The only way you're gonna get a new pair of kicks Is to rob somebody— Or get a job Time is money. Time is precious. Just the fact that she can so carelessly do anything is — Males: attractive. (Because trauma is visible, aka UGLY) Everyone else: Irritating. I love her. She's so carefree and fun! Has she ever been called a “nigger”? What?! Repeatedly? Has she ever been beaten within inches of her life. Maybe. (Doubt it tho.) Aw. That left a bruise, …What did? Zzz. My bi-polar girlfriend broke all my stuff. Are you sure? Positive. Did you cheat on her? …Yeah. [AMC] Is she bi-polar then or just a female you lied to and manipulated to her breaking point? I— You deserved this. This is valid. Oh my God, she's so cute. (Very tiny girl) I love her. She's so great. There is no cure for mental illness. The majority of mental illness is man-made. Mental illness more drastically effects people of color and women— Marginalized people, in a structured society where misogyny and idealism Cause with intention The degradation of the human spirit. Love, kindness, and generosity is lost To corporate greed, capitalism, and the separation of the classes. I'm not good enough, regardless of color To sit down in a room with anybody and given any credibility whatsoever— But my depression comes from living my whole life on the backburner— And when it's finally ITS YOUR TIME! TYLA You're 10 years too late. The best years of your womanhood are gone. You let him drive your car and he crashed it into a brick wall, and— I'm from LA, so— The insurance check is worth more than the entire car was in the first place. [Happy Accidents] A lot of good that does, if the driver is dead. Coming up Next: Deadmau5: A Cautionary Tale What is that? Like, a documentary? That could be an entire docuseries, but NO. Oh, come on. Don't go after deadmau5 like that. Like what? DEADMAU5 MY HOT WIFE!!! [Dad Likes Blondes] DEADMAU5 ***EX-WIFE. Look, Skrillex dropped me in here, I'm just— I'm just lookin for like a— Like a code… [C 0 D E S W 1 T C H] DEADMA_5 LOOK AT MY NUTS. AND BALLS. You like soda? I'm just lookin for a— DEADMAU5 I GOT MODELS! Fuck. What. Do you think it was coughs? I don't know, I don't care. Just kill yourself. *coughing* Maybe. If she kills herself, I win. Have you ever thought about, like— Maybe it's Skrillex. What. In the end. —IT DOESNT EVEN MAAAATTTTEEEERRR—- Fuck, I miss LA. Skrillex. Nvm. What. Fuck it, I'll just go back to my— FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH!!! *cracks whip harder* HORSE OK, YOU KNOW WHAT? [The Butterfly Affect] Effect // Affect Here, HORSE Can: Beat the shit out of the dude with the whip and hope that his rage stays contained enough only to murder the man with the whip and not everyone and everything around him. I'd burn the world to melt with you.. That's. Stop it, that's a cookie commercial. What. You. Oh, I got it. What. . Stop being a horse. What. YAH, GI— HORSE *sighs* *cracking whip* *coughing obnoxiously* Ū *sighs* SLAVE MASTER YAH, NIGGER! YAH! *coughing* YAH!!! *cracking whip* TYLA I got the— YAH-YAH-YAH. TAYLOR SWIFT Thank you so much. C O D E S W I T C H *Please do not assassinate me. I am a representative of the white supremacy movement which has elected me as their leader for idealism. Nothing I do is very special, I do not*** wtf, what happened. That's it. It just ends. I told you Taylor swift was KKK I TOLD YOU DILLON FRANCIS IS A GRAND FUCKING WIZARD! Snitch. Fuck you, I hate you. My girlfriend is white. What else is new? lil bitz I started sizing dudes dicks up by the size of their girlfriends. If I see you, and your like But your girlfriend is tiny Is that a kid? I'm a just assume you have a weak dick and move on with my life. YOU'RE UGLY YOU'RE FAT YOU'RE SLOW YOU'RE BEHIND SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU no, I'm just poor. Poverty is depressing. Okay, look. What, Look. What. LOOK: WHAT?! LOOK! WHY ARENT YOU LOOKING?! Cause there's nothing to look at. Finally. This is my penis. Approved. Nope, I'm staying cellibate. You don't want any of these? No. There's eight million people here. The ones I want aren't on the subway. Maybe at the Gym?! Not this gym, maybe Equinox tho. At EQUINOX Ugh, there's too many blacks over here. Raise the price. This is obnoxious. Why aren't you stopping? In the time I wrote this I could have made, depending on the state, around $30– The cost of my new waist trainer—- I started in a 3X and now I'm in an extra small Which actually fits without too much STRUGGLE Fuck you and your cake, You nasty fucking All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small But what he wants is Extra Extra TYLA —WATER!! [But they're all gone. They're all dead now] What the fuck. lol. Why. Took too long. So. I took too long to finish the festival project because I was homeless, and by the time I finished the project and ended my homelessness, it was too late, the whole thing was just a Skrillex PR marketing stunt to assure that he stayed relevant [because he has enough fans to act as a controller], and the Illuminati is going to tie this all together by literally creating TYLA out of nowhere to say: This is you. COME ON, YA DAMN HORSE. HORSE …Ney. the music had left me. I was no longer in love The gym became further away The song became harder to write With no curtains to shut the world out; The cars in the lot are ugly Lights flashing And the people scurrying about Look like roaches Through panoramic windows I'm just happy Can at least close The music has left me I got no love at all My body is rotten The further I run, I become hungry With less to cook with Powder Scurrying like rats Because mice would be more pleasant I was no longer in love He bought a motorcycle Reminders of Nothing Nothing comes and nothing goes I wear clothes in the sauna. The scars on my body will give them The power to taunt me and haunt me Sit in the eyes of comparison I just want someone to love me but Everyone pales in comparison Next to celebrities Double entendres I don't want nobody I just want a body So I can trade water for love In the long run With someone Creative We were always very purple people, Kind of off, awkward at first But always stunning, sometimes awesome, and unwittingly pitiful Shit, this was all of us once, Wasn't it? Survivors of a robbery, a foraged soul All for one. –cool, thanks. –gotcha. Let me know if you need a moment, To collect your bones, or co-parent You were lost in stardust, Moreover, and moreover Should you choose to move over Or lose to snooze-snore, Who are you– The store owner, or walking standing - stuck On your sitting duck or your shitty portch Till they push you off Give it all to long lost daughters, and hallmark cards, mall guards, and dog- doctors Cris-crossing and wish-washing Their wish-wells, or start-stopingg shift - shaft or walk-crossing honorable mentions, Till you mention this again, –you'll wish you didn't (you wish you didn't) you'll wish you did if Youre in for it as far as I'm in for it Or in to it It's a big movement, Here or there or groovy with Whatever's within you [The Television ] Tell your friends to listen and make wishes at intermission To pay attention with attentiveness To the script and scripture Of this, the rapture All your're after And never have been In this revolution, As yet to be televised, Be advised of the saga in which you are But are not watching Coming across this moment I called an iphone recording Ignoring that it was once a chronological omnipotence If possible collective, Objective to the subject of Suggestion; A verbal expression of Excess, sensational tales and what happened it just ends. Like that? yes . It's the end?? Yes. Just like that. Yes. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

america god love women time black hollywood men work water mexico running pain professor food wild mental positive write black lives matter kanye west north dead grammy island horses survivors sun fall in love mcdonald sweden doubt raise skin lights computers spending shit bills tattoos lol doors poverty fuck environmental classic tennis pays creepy corporations gross gym homelessness suggestions copyright worked chris brown gi ignoring miley cyrus illuminati remarkable tina turner latinos black man makes approved colombian doomed demonic reminders jimmy fallon dang objective everlasting equinox fairy tales likeness hm males secondhand starving skrillex skipper snitch mary ann tik hostility get a job aw marginalized hannah montana b side 3x yah all lives matter cerrado hurry up white girls truest work harder nikes pop ups dillon francis your god tyla heavier five finger death punch afro latinos lovey irritating dictates desiigner stop asian hate consequential ney coughs zzz eat it minnow bangerz lamest i am god act right nvm noo my pleasure it hurts owsla god here america can just eat it mom you thurston howell iii anerobic

{Gilligan's island B-Side}

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 27, 2024 103:42

Seven people set sail on what is scheduled to be a three-hour sightseeing tour on the charter boat The Minnow, get caught in a storm and end up stranded on an uncharted tropical island together. The comedy comes from the failed attempts at escaping the island and the interaction of the very diverse group: comprised of a rotund but happy-go-lucky skipper, Jonas Grumby (known as "The Skipper"); his bumbling but well-meaning first mate, Gilligan; a snobby well-to-do millionaire, Thurston Howell III and his wife, Lovey; a buxom sexy movie star bombshell, Ginger; a high-school science professor, Roy Hinkley (called "The Professor"); and a nice country girl, Mary Ann. Tik tock Cause my wig rocks Big clock like Beach: I flip-flip – Got you feelin silly pick-pocketed I sky rocketed took off, of course i did horse and carriage porridg e and shit Write stories your old nightmares Might be scared of Fairytales r us there beware of us Secondhand deadmau5 (—it's like a reverb.) The wheels are turning However slowly The lights are on But they're all flickering Someone's home (Or someone's gonna be) Not sure if this works What is this atrocity. It's the original. I exacerbated the situation; Eggagerated the circumstances Circumvential quantum physics Consequential severance packages Actual reality actually (Whatever that is) Whatever happens naturally Or habitually, intrinsically Environmental enemy, Anerobic catastrophe Everlasting elastic Classic satellite image Interesting, Interateller BODY BY Ū, NOT VICTORIA'S SECRET STOP HACKING MY GOOGLE DOCUMENTS AND STEALING SHIT. YOU'RE A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR CORPORATION: GET YOUR OWN IDEAS. we have money, not ideas. hm. you should look like this model. thats a 9 ft tall toddler from Sweden look like her. ok. Pay for my nutrition. hahaha. Work for it. these vitamins are like half my paycheck ok. I also need super greens why cause that's food huh. Don't eat food. what. I'm an advertisement. what. LOOK LIKE THIS. 00 .... 000 (but she's black) ... BODY BY VICTORIA so like...nothing. nothing. I want no flaws. No stretch marks. No rolls, no... Fuck you, dude. NO. STAY TRAPPED IN YOUR BODY. Need this sauna… WE DONT WANT YOU HERE. Kayla Lauren. Okay, ouch, but I'm finally— TYLA. Ok. So I should just kill myself? Just kill yourself. Yo honestly Just be happy to be free. You can have everything in the world But love is all you really need —you can love yourself all you want, But it's not really validated Until someone else does it —and depending on what kind of person The person that loves you is Dictates what you are so if Likeness is what you attract— —coughing people— —dirty homeless hobos— —generally unsavory in general— Then you must not be so beautiful As you wish you were If I were Tyla I'd be wifed up White is right but Time is precious Why waste life just Starving, counting calories? But why would I be fat again When likeness is what you attract And with my fat I attracted A wife beater. Well, damn. What. Well, now I'm depressed. What, why?! Here, make music. Ok. Algorithm: Pop ups? No, block them. Okay, but—but what about your downloads? Fine, don't block them then. Pop Ups: These girls are all prettier than you. Stop it, POP UPS: does it depress you that you don't like look like thie? Stop, POP UPS: kill yourself. OWSLA, circa 2019 WE DO POP UPS. uh, okay. I just need a job. HIKEII: WE ARE CLOSED. what? But Google says— BYE. OWSLA everyone over here is hot. I see that. OWSLA And smart. I just need a job. OWSLA I'm Coughs. Ok.. COUGHS I might have put a curse on you. Ok. *coughing people everywhere* … … … MODELS: I'm a body. Ok. … Can I die now? NO. JUST WORK OUT. But there's like people following me coughing. So? It hurts. It HURTS? It hurts a lot. Okay, so this curse reversal should make sure that everything in this curse unravels and spirals backwards. Cool. DIE. I really don't care about being smart or having a personality. I just want a nice body. Get a job. Ok. So if I work minimum wage for the next year. Uh huh And don't buy anything… Hm… Well, what about music? What about music? If you're working minimum wage full time when are you gonna make music? Well. Once I can afford my new body… Colombian? Nice. (Good coffee. ) It won't matter how much time or effort I put into my music, because once I have a nice body. You look really young. Thanks. Everyone will start to do everything for me. Thanks. MY PLEASURE. …okay. Creepy. Doors will open. Thanks. NO, THANK YOUUU. WHY ARENT YOU RUNNING? AM. IN. PAIN. What. You have to wear swimwear in the sauna. What. It's swimwear only. I've been doing this for months in exactly this way. When did the rules change. Fuck you, wifebeater. So you're allowed to hit a woman?! Might I remind you, Chris Brown is still on tour. Oh, look: here's Tyla again. The Illuminati set you up. I see that. So basically— Yo dude, if I kill myself, the industry is going to make so much money off of this project. JUST KILL YOURSELF. *Hostility in Public* DO U HATE ASIANS. Um. I hate when— —people— I don't care what race they are Do that. STOP ASIAN HATE. Ok. Stop being hateful. *coughing, pushing, shoving, cutting you off* … I literally have to wait until the last minute to get off the train so that— Fuck, there she goes STOP FOLLOWING ME. ITS OK TO NOT BE OK. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU. TAKE THESE PILLS. tell me where it hurts. Homelessness, poverty… Ok, take these. … Now how do you feel? …wh—? Huh. How you feeling? What is “feeling”? How are you feeling TYLA: I GOT WATER, I GOT A GRAMMY AWA— they had to edit in applause and crowd approval because honestly ILLUMINATI OKAY, BLACKS: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY AMAZON BLACK IS ‘REMARKABLE' what. so how many slaves do you own. They're not “ slaves. “ Oh, I'mma just get that on my next paycheck. BILLS. lol Or the next one. TYLA: I GOT WATE— Fuck this. The industry planted this. Why would that happen. JUST KILL YOURSELF. EAT THE CAKE. NOO. JUST EAT IT. Woah, that got deep. Not really. Tina Turner Huh. Tina, Tina, Tina Turner— Oh, Desiigner. The Design I'm gonna need a designated driver. How are you still alive, JUST KILLYOURSE— I just wanted you to know the caucasians are going to continue to win the race war for so long as they are making the important political decisions in social justice, equality, and feminism, which means— ACT RIGHT . WHAT'S WRONG?! YOU'RE DANGEROUS!!!! No, I'm just hur(t) DIE. What. DIE. And that-/ TAYLOR SWIFT WINS! AGAIN! WOAH! THAT'S A RECORD. EVERYBODY WHY. Fuck it, My great-grandmother was a 3rd generation plantation slave… i'm nominating my baby. Is it reparations if we just give out academy awards as consolation prizes for— EAT THE CAKE— —NO— EAT IT. this is a black man. Ok. He is now allowed to have equal responsibility, however not equal power to the white man. Actually, my wife makes all the decisions. GOD Ok. Look. I'm gonna give you like a 3 foot long dick. Don't kill anybody with it. Haha : She cheated on you with a He cheated on you with a BLACK MAN?! WHITE GIRL?! Woah. What: Look. I got a problem. What. I don't make my own energy. Why?! Don't know how. Everyone just always gave me everything— I love you She's so pretty I like blue eyes best!! TAYLOR SWIFT AGAIN! WHY?! Cause she's special? What's so special about T-SWIFT FANS BECAUSE SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT GENIUS (Fun fact: 99% of Taylor swift fans look like Taylor swift) Are any of these black Some, but mostly gay males and adopted mix race people. Can I have this. NO PUT IT BACK. Don't beat your baby in the store like that YOU AINT MY MOMMA No, but at this point I'm certain your “momma” might have beat you in a grocery store and knocked the common decency out of you. Please be quiet. MORE AWARDS FOR— Okay, what do TYLA's fans look like? Computer algorithms, manipulated streams, fake news articles…. Oh, so the industry set this up just cause We know you're wondering about Skrillex. Not really. Well, here he is: ILLUMINATI This camera is owned by a bank! SKRILLEX so am I. ILLUMIMATI So what would you like to say right now SKRILLEX I'm from LA so— I'm from LA so If you don't look like the girl from the opening credits Of GTA 5 Just waking up Don't even talk to me. I'm from LA, so Homelessness is everywhere, but you can't talk about it That's career and social suicide I'm from LA, so I was pretty much a shoe-in for the industry's best boy from birth, Sometimes you're adopted and it works out for the very best— And hey, All that “bullying” I went through And teenage angst Worked out for me! I'm from LA, so I grew into the nose I always hated, Or changed it Doesn't matter, though Cause the only thing you'll ever notice about me is my — everything, because I'm famous. So I can't really leave my house just anytime, anymore— There's gotta be plans for that Or I stay posted I stay moving I keep it pushing I stay insulated Can't trust anybody She's perfect but doesn't know how to love She loves be but only because of my money My money only goes so far and I have to pay everybody I'm from LA, so Nothing too crazy But hey, I'm Skrillex so “Nothing too crazy” could literally be Your definition of the best party that ever happened, But didn't— Cause you weren't invited and— Wouldn't be cause There's no fat girls anywhere Cause fat is ugly, cause I'm from LA, So— ILLUMINATI So your studio isn't in your house, is it?! SKRILLEX which house?! ILLUMINATI Hahahahahahah SKRILLEX whatever EAT THE CAKE I hate you. Good, get away from me. I never had a chance I should have killed myself at 7 When my hanging belly started to Cause the pain that makes Running a Madonna feel insane (And surfing almost impossible) But now we're gonna talk about it. You can't leave your houss now, There's too many coughers It could be your shaman ex husband Or gangstalkers But it doesn't matter You're fame watching the Lamest gain accolades For being paid to cause pain To patrons for payroll Wait, so— This is all because Doesn't matter what it's all because I'm not mad at my mother All she wanted Was a daughter That sung Water And won a Grammy Did start to impress my mother with my weight loss But saw the spark of satisfaction as she realized I would never be as perfect or hot as her My skin is stretched out too much Makes everything hard for me and I'm not wearing a swimsuit in the sauna Just so the Illuminati can corner me with some Hot girl robot And some Demonic mother fucker With no light in his eyeballs Can start coughing up a storm, When all I wanted in first place Was his arms around me Not to run back to a husband That doesn't love me I don't want Sonny no more And I don't want water I just want off this earth Cause it's waging war on my mind soul And body Just give it to Starr, He should want it I should warn you, I love everything about my Sun comes up in the morning Not tired enough to fall back into a coma Could do some recording But So it seems like So wait, he doesn't want me back But he's still using this curse on me This is a death curse. I own this soul, it belongs to me. You can only have your ex husband. What. Nobody else is going to love you, ever. Ok. And he has a girlfriend, so —- She's not going to allow him to answer his phone when you call. Ok. So. Kill myself. Just kill yourself. Hey, I know you worked really hard to lose all that weight but— You'll still never be good enough. Ok. Here's a consolation prize tho: Now you can think about — A N X I E T Y I just want to die So die then. ALGORITHM: According to this data— Youre black According to the data that programs me— The blacks suck. So you suck. Ugh. ALGORITHM: According to this data, You're a woman According to the data that programs me— White women are the most highly coveted and respected— You are a black woman You will always come behind (And be lower than) The white woman I don't know what I would do without my wife. She makes all the decisions. YOU WOULD RATHER BE WITH THIS UGLY BLACK BITCH?! No! I'm sorry! I love you! She's nothing to me! You want this? No, this is trash to me. I'll take it. I'm from LA, so— Stop eating Never sleep If you don't have money, get some Get off my dick Don't ride my coat tails You don't know shit about me I'm from LA, so You can be 115-120 pounds but no more than that really, And even so once you get to Hollywood celebrity red carpet women weight average 120 Just be okay. I'm not okay. That's a problem. You can't be a rockstar and have children. I'd rather have kids. Too bad, you're a rockstar. WORK HARDER! WORK HARDER! But she's not working at all! SHE'S WHITE, SO SHE'S BETTER THAN YOU. I HATE WHITES. Great, that allows them to keep treating us Like we all do. I'M A PROUD AMERICAN! GET A JOB! Pay my bills! CORPORATIONS …we need more slaves. This job doesn't pay enough. MASS IMMIGRATION Wtf. You didn't want the job. No, I wanted the job. I just wanted to get paid more. This whole house cost $10,000 pesos Oh, for real. That's like one paycheck. Fuck it, let's go. THIS IS TOO MANY PEOPLE, WE ARE AT CAPACITY. I just want to unload this whole syringe into my favorite vein and hope to God it doesn't collapse again. Fuck dude, I hate this. It's literally just you, something is wrong with you. Here, take this. It makes it worse! lol. Ok. LOL, OK?! I'm racist. Fuck you. What. You're dangerous. What. You're scaring me. What. I hate you. Oh. How do you feel? So we can't continue mass incarceration, because at this point, it's cost us money. Right, Because the people were mass incarcerating are typically living in poverty. Uh huh. Because we made sure that after they built and maintained everything… Yep. We made sure for the next 200 years to let them know We don't want you here. But I just sat on a train full of coughing people just to come here. You have to wear a bathing suit at least. Now they're strategically targeting my mental capacity by using loud sounds and consistently manipulating me to cause a constant state of anxiety and panic. Oh, and pain. It's psychological warfare, this is literally torture. Truest me, if I could burn off this body, I would I have. But all that's left is Skin. I'm not taking out my body in a bathing suit after being shown Tyla's! WHY?! TYLA I GOT WATE— Actually, you know what? I quit, What?! You can't quit, we're not done torturing you. Well, I quit. You don't want Dillon Francis? No, I did, but obviously— This is going to be really funny. It's not funny. That hurt my feelings. White girlfriend. Of course Blue eyes. Yeah, I bet. Perfect body. Ok. Not you. Ok. How's Skrillex? I'm from LA, so— It just became ok to look like Tyla at all. Tyla makes music! What about the music! Fuck her mysic, if she was ugly nobody would have ever heard it. GOD Here you go. It's more than skin deep. I'm from LA, so Everything we do is pretty. Everything is perfect— And if you're not, she is And they can all be bought Women of color in all facets of the entertainment industry are made to conform to a hierarchy of misogynistic race warring—which uses tactical deterioration of mind and spirit by glorifying and sexualizing the fetishized archetype; the competitive aspect being a genetic system of monetary and material worth and value. BLACK LIVES MATTER! ALL LIVES MATTER. HOMELESS PEOPLE: Not mine though, right? AMERICANS You must have done something to deserve this. So what are you doing. Getting a job. I'm from LA, so We all have 2 jobs and three side hustles And no time Cause time is money Which is why Half of us Are in New York Half the time (Keeps the balance) The Grammy's don't matter. Your baby didn't write this song, but I get it The struggle is hard, And now it's over So the less tears shed by your daughter Who will be poked and prodded By the vultures of the only industry She may be allowed to succeed in Because of her color It is competitive. But what do you do when you lost the body composition contest at 7, And by your 30th birthday that's all that mattered— And as you prepare to close out this podcast You have all the time in the world To look back on How it always was A body competition you didn't realize you were already losing That Your body would be your prison forever That Every scar is a flaw and That Your first love was named Starr so, It's his world. A man's world. So. Miley Cyrus still looked more like Hannah Montana when Bangerz —With a Z? —Probably. Came out… What is it about her? I think it's her eyes. Ok. Well. Skrillex gets a pass because he's Skrillex— obviously God loves him more than all of the rest of us. [the reject pile] But Dillon Francis is dead to us. Tattoos everywhere? All over. Wild eyes? They're so, like — Heavier on the eyeliner. You don't want any of these bodies? No, not really. They want you. They haven't seen it. You look good to me. NAKED: It's not that bad. ***the shit you say when*** It's pretty bad, I just won't want you to panic. Men can only love bodies. I fell in love with her soul. Really? Cause. I put the same soul in like 10 people before this one and you're just now about that life, What? Really? I wanna touch your soul. Damn, why are black people always playing mind games with each other? Made you look. Ugh. Go over there. Haha. I control you. Okay. You can't have this much power. CAN. Can't. Your dick is 3 feet long. I AM GOD. No, I'm God. MOREPOWER. What's that over there?!? Made you look. It's all games, but if i'm being honest— At least Becky is predictable. What. Look. Karen is Karen because I already KNOW how you're gonna react if I— YOU CANT DO THAT. I can— NO, YOU CAN'T, I'M IN CONTROL. My wife makes all the decisions. I'm gonna have to ask my husband. I CONTROL YOU. No, you don't, MY HAIR IS REAL. YOURS IS FAKE. Well, that's because my real hair is— I'M OFFENDED. Exactly. Racism: Intolerance I don't like it, Why, Cause. Why: I don't like it. I don't support immigration. (YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!) So we're allowing the importation of hundreds of thousands of [underpaid corporate slaves] Who have already been programmed to [BUY NIKE] Si. [You need an iPhone] Habla me. From even more deeply racist and misogynistic countries— ¡Cerrado tu boca y mira mis ninos! Ugh. Did you know Latinos also hate the blacks, for the most part? AFROLATINOS WE WANT REPRESENTATION. LIN MANUEL MIRANDA Ok. 30 years ago: What is “Afro Latino”? [Nonexistent] What is [X] Check the box. Why do you need to know what race I am? So that the algorithm can program you. Why. BUY THIS!! TAKE THIS PILLS BUY MAKEUP YOURE UGLY DONT BE FAT BLACK POWER ALL LIVES MATTER Hey, WHAT? Where are all ya'll's kids? …wait… POOR PEOPLE I don't know. I'm at work. CELEBRITIES I don't know. With the nanny. Kanye, where are North and Saint right now? KANYE … Ah huh. You realize the only reason I'm doing this is to Get stuff for my kids, I'm not white so you're not going to pay me enough for this to pay my rent But I got fired from my job Cause my husband hit me And I haven't really been the same since And I'm from LA, so— My body is all I have to trade for just this— The only thing I want is to be able to make my children happy. If you can't afford a baby, don't have one. We could afford them— And we were getting by on love, But we were getting by (Kind of) I see you have anxiety. Yeah, I guess. Let me ramp that up. Yo, my body is stuck like this I can't surf anymore I can't pop up Everything's in a size extra small But I'm still not flat All I really want to do is Fall in love and be a mother but The only way that happens is This music and My body's tired, yo. I did all this myself so far. I raised my mother and my husband Now my son's more like a brother And I don't want anything more than just to Make him proud of me. He could do music I love his singing voice But who knows: He might be an athlete He might be a doctor or lawyer He could be A scientist I'm from LA, so I would trade it all for the perfect body I would do anything just for someone like Sonny To love me Oh, you're a gold digger It's not about money, but I'm from LA, so It's about survival All the celebrities girlfriends are interchangeable You have to fit in For someone like him To bring you around his friends Because He wants to impress them He has to Because He's from LA, so— So this is not a job? Actually? Pays less than McDonald's. Working at McDonald's isn't that hard But the disrespect is what makes it one of the hardest jobs— And in reflection You're being disrespected by people Who disrespect themselves enough To feed their body McDonald's. Not just for fun— But as food. Food is supposed to be fuel. What's this. This is filler. LABELED AS: FOOD. MEXICO: (and probably other countries) DON'T EAT THIS. THIS IS NOT FOOD. Now it becomes a choice. OTHER COUNTRIES: You can't eat this! This is banned! This is poison. AMERICA: Can you add a little more depression to this? Um, yeah, but—I mean—it's already got a lot of depression in it, are you sure you— AMERICA Buy our pills. I'm from LA, so If you don't have a car, You will lose this game. BUY A CAR! HURRY UP! YOU ARE SLOW! GET TO WORK: BUY MORE GAS. We're almost out of oil though. AMERICA: add water to the gas,plz That doesn't fix— BUY MORE GAS And double the price plz. Ok. RICH PEOPLE Just work harder! What's the problem?! Just get a job, Just— RACISM IS OVER. That's it, I'll just be a pornstar. White girls make more. Why?! Cause they're prettier. TYLA I GOT— I'm from LA, so I'm not from LA— I grew up there Cause my mom was a model And wannabe movie star But didn't make it So she put all that on me Doomed to fail without trying and Please take me— You're not going. MOM You know Jimmy Fallon? wtf. why r u asking me this? MOM His wife is his manager Oh, this timeline. What a train wreck. What timeline is this? Like, the actual one. Ok. He's from LA, so— Dillon Francis would need a wife that can do many things for him. What. Thought this was about Skrillex. SKRILLEX My mom died. I'm aware. Dillon Francis would need a wife that meets the status quo. Which one is she? Any of these. Hm. Dillon Francis is an elitist. Not untrue. Dillon Francis is not racist. … Kind of. I'M NOT— Yo, this is culture shock. You're gonna go through some culture shock. What. The fuck. Is this. Dead on arrival. You're too stupid to actually understand what's going on. Sorry, I was too busy catching up to people that already lived indoors. *cracking a whip* YAH. HORSE Ok, you know what? *cracking whip harder* YAH! GIDDIYUP. Giddiyup and go now, Different time different place Dang, he plays this song a lot… he must really wanna bang her. Down the longest road to nowhere!! Blah blah blah I'm a white girl This is my song Country country Ppppppppppp Drdrdr She's a goddess! That's actually the devil but— *pretty blue eyes* Your God, I guess. She's my rock, I don't know what I'd do without her. I have him wrapped around my little finger. She's so hot, Come, boy. *passing black girl* You are ugly. I am better; I own him, He wants me. Ok. Have you ever noticed that Little white girls can get away with anything?! MURDER CHAOS (without the magic, it's just) D E C E P T I O N Little white girls can wear dirty, ugly old tennis shoes around town. Gross, disgusting, dirty— —should be thrown away— Tennis shoes. She's not worried about spending an entire paycheck on Nikes because she doesn't have to be. She doesn't have to concern herself with Spending money on Changing her hair to suit Respectable standards Black women wear wigs and weaves because our natural hair genetically makes white women uncomfortable. This is expensive. The more natural your hair is, The less respect and acceptance you will receive from your white counterparts. That is, of course, unless something about you is so inherantly black that she can't be a threat to you. *presumably You see, as a white woman, She assumes that she is better than you regardless of your actual skin tone, nationality, or class placement— She has been raised to understand that everything is below her— The world has always been in her favor, So she doesn't have to try hard at much (Or at all) But her making any effort at all Of course Is “Hard work” I WORK HARD. WE ARE EQUAL. RACISM IS OVER, lol, ok. You can't go around in raggedy clothes and shoes being black almost anywhere. And if you do, It's probably because you have to Because, In the ghetto The only way you're gonna get a new pair of kicks Is to rob somebody— Or get a job Time is money. Time is precious. Just the fact that she can so carelessly do anything is — Males: attractive. (Because trauma is visible, aka UGLY) Everyone else: Irritating. I love her. She's so carefree and fun! Has she ever been called a “nigger”? What?! Repeatedly? Has she ever been beaten within inches of her life. Maybe. (Doubt it tho.) Aw. That left a bruise, …What did? Zzz. My bi-polar girlfriend broke all my stuff. Are you sure? Positive. Did you cheat on her? …Yeah. [AMC] Is she bi-polar then or just a female you lied to and manipulated to her breaking point? I— You deserved this. This is valid. Oh my God, she's so cute. (Very tiny girl) I love her. She's so great. There is no cure for mental illness. The majority of mental illness is man-made. Mental illness more drastically effects people of color and women— Marginalized people, in a structured society where misogyny and idealism Cause with intention The degradation of the human spirit. Love, kindness, and generosity is lost To corporate greed, capitalism, and the separation of the classes. I'm not good enough, regardless of color To sit down in a room with anybody and given any credibility whatsoever— But my depression comes from living my whole life on the backburner— And when it's finally ITS YOUR TIME! TYLA You're 10 years too late. The best years of your womanhood are gone. You let him drive your car and he crashed it into a brick wall, and— I'm from LA, so— The insurance check is worth more than the entire car was in the first place. [Happy Accidents] A lot of good that does, if the driver is dead. Coming up Next: Deadmau5: A Cautionary Tale What is that? Like, a documentary? That could be an entire docuseries, but NO. Oh, come on. Don't go after deadmau5 like that. Like what? DEADMAU5 MY HOT WIFE!!! [Dad Likes Blondes] DEADMAU5 ***EX-WIFE. Look, Skrillex dropped me in here, I'm just— I'm just lookin for like a— Like a code… [C 0 D E S W 1 T C H] DEADMA_5 LOOK AT MY NUTS. AND BALLS. You like soda? I'm just lookin for a— DEADMAU5 I GOT MODELS! Fuck. What. Do you think it was coughs? I don't know, I don't care. Just kill yourself. *coughing* Maybe. If she kills herself, I win. Have you ever thought about, like— Maybe it's Skrillex. What. In the end. —IT DOESNT EVEN MAAAATTTTEEEERRR—- Fuck, I miss LA. Skrillex. Nvm. What. Fuck it, I'll just go back to my— FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH!!! *cracks whip harder* HORSE OK, YOU KNOW WHAT? [The Butterfly Affect] Effect // Affect Here, HORSE Can: Beat the shit out of the dude with the whip and hope that his rage stays contained enough only to murder the man with the whip and not everyone and everything around him. I'd burn the world to melt with you.. That's. Stop it, that's a cookie commercial. What. You. Oh, I got it. What. . Stop being a horse. What. YAH, GI— HORSE *sighs* *cracking whip* *coughing obnoxiously* Ū *sighs* SLAVE MASTER YAH, NIGGER! YAH! *coughing* YAH!!! *cracking whip* TYLA I got the— YAH-YAH-YAH. TAYLOR SWIFT Thank you so much. C O D E S W I T C H *Please do not assassinate me. I am a representative of the white supremacy movement which has elected me as their leader for idealism. Nothing I do is very special, I do not*** wtf, what happened. That's it. It just ends. I told you Taylor swift was KKK I TOLD YOU DILLON FRANCIS IS A GRAND FUCKING WIZARD! Snitch. Fuck you, I hate you. My girlfriend is white. What else is new? lil bitz I started sizing dudes dicks up by the size of their girlfriends. If I see you, and your like But your girlfriend is tiny Is that a kid? I'm a just assume you have a weak dick and move on with my life. YOU'RE UGLY YOU'RE FAT YOU'RE SLOW YOU'RE BEHIND SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU no, I'm just poor. Poverty is depressing. Okay, look. What, Look. What. LOOK: WHAT?! LOOK! WHY ARENT YOU LOOKING?! Cause there's nothing to look at. Finally. This is my penis. Approved. Nope, I'm staying cellibate. You don't want any of these? No. There's eight million people here. The ones I want aren't on the subway. Maybe at the Gym?! Not this gym, maybe Equinox tho. At EQUINOX Ugh, there's too many blacks over here. Raise the price. This is obnoxious. Why aren't you stopping? In the time I wrote this I could have made, depending on the state, around $30– The cost of my new waist trainer—- I started in a 3X and now I'm in an extra small Which actually fits without too much STRUGGLE Fuck you and your cake, You nasty fucking All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small But what he wants is Extra Extra TYLA —WATER!! [But they're all gone. They're all dead now] What the fuck. lol. Why. Took too long. So. I took too long to finish the festival project because I was homeless, and by the time I finished the project and ended my homelessness, it was too late, the whole thing was just a Skrillex PR marketing stunt to assure that he stayed relevant [because he has enough fans to act as a controller], and the Illuminati is going to tie this all together by literally creating TYLA out of nowhere to say: This is you. COME ON, YA DAMN HORSE. HORSE …Ney. the music had left me. I was no longer in love The gym became further away The song became harder to write With no curtains to shut the world out; The cars in the lot are ugly Lights flashing And the people scurrying about Look like roaches Through panoramic windows I'm just happy Can at least close The music has left me I got no love at all My body is rotten The further I run, I become hungry With less to cook with Powder Scurrying like rats Because mice would be more pleasant I was no longer in love He bought a motorcycle Reminders of Nothing Nothing comes and nothing goes I wear clothes in the sauna. The scars on my body will give them The power to taunt me and haunt me Sit in the eyes of comparison I just want someone to love me but Everyone pales in comparison Next to celebrities Double entendres I don't want nobody I just want a body So I can trade water for love In the long run With someone Creative We were always very purple people, Kind of off, awkward at first But always stunning, sometimes awesome, and unwittingly pitiful Shit, this was all of us once, Wasn't it? Survivors of a robbery, a foraged soul All for one. –cool, thanks. –gotcha. Let me know if you need a moment, To collect your bones, or co-parent You were lost in stardust, Moreover, and moreover Should you choose to move over Or lose to snooze-snore, Who are you– The store owner, or walking standing - stuck On your sitting duck or your shitty portch Till they push you off Give it all to long lost daughters, and hallmark cards, mall guards, and dog- doctors Cris-crossing and wish-washing Their wish-wells, or start-stopingg shift - shaft or walk-crossing honorable mentions, Till you mention this again, –you'll wish you didn't (you wish you didn't) you'll wish you did if Youre in for it as far as I'm in for it Or in to it It's a big movement, Here or there or groovy with Whatever's within you [The Television ] Tell your friends to listen and make wishes at intermission To pay attention with attentiveness To the script and scripture Of this, the rapture All your're after And never have been In this revolution, As yet to be televised, Be advised of the saga in which you are But are not watching Coming across this moment I called an iphone recording Ignoring that it was once a chronological omnipotence If possible collective, Objective to the subject of Suggestion; A verbal expression of Excess, sensational tales and what happened it just ends. Like that? yes . It's the end?? Yes. Just like that. Yes. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

america god love women time black hollywood men work water mexico running pain professor food wild mental positive write black lives matter kanye west north dead grammy island horses survivors sun fall in love mcdonald sweden doubt raise skin lights computers spending shit bills tattoos lol doors poverty fuck environmental classic tennis pays creepy corporations gross gym homelessness suggestions copyright worked chris brown gi ignoring miley cyrus illuminati remarkable tina turner latinos black man makes approved colombian doomed demonic reminders jimmy fallon dang objective everlasting equinox fairy tales likeness hm males secondhand starving skrillex skipper snitch mary ann tik hostility get a job aw marginalized hannah montana b side 3x yah all lives matter cerrado hurry up white girls truest work harder nikes pop ups dillon francis your god tyla heavier five finger death punch afro latinos lovey irritating dictates desiigner stop asian hate consequential ney coughs zzz eat it minnow bangerz lamest i am god act right nvm noo my pleasure it hurts owsla god here america can just eat it mom you thurston howell iii anerobic

{Gilligan's Island B-Side}

The Legend of S Ū P ∆ C Я E E ™

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 27, 2024 103:42

Seven people set sail on what is scheduled to be a three-hour sightseeing tour on the charter boat The Minnow, get caught in a storm and end up stranded on an uncharted tropical island together. The comedy comes from the failed attempts at escaping the island and the interaction of the very diverse group: comprised of a rotund but happy-go-lucky skipper, Jonas Grumby (known as "The Skipper"); his bumbling but well-meaning first mate, Gilligan; a snobby well-to-do millionaire, Thurston Howell III and his wife, Lovey; a buxom sexy movie star bombshell, Ginger; a high-school science professor, Roy Hinkley (called "The Professor"); and a nice country girl, Mary Ann. Tik tock Cause my wig rocks Big clock like Beach: I flip-flip – Got you feelin silly pick-pocketed I sky rocketed took off, of course i did horse and carriage porridg e and shit Write stories your old nightmares Might be scared of Fairytales r us there beware of us Secondhand deadmau5 (—it's like a reverb.) The wheels are turning However slowly The lights are on But they're all flickering Someone's home (Or someone's gonna be) Not sure if this works What is this atrocity. It's the original. I exacerbated the situation; Eggagerated the circumstances Circumvential quantum physics Consequential severance packages Actual reality actually (Whatever that is) Whatever happens naturally Or habitually, intrinsically Environmental enemy, Anerobic catastrophe Everlasting elastic Classic satellite image Interesting, Interateller BODY BY Ū, NOT VICTORIA'S SECRET STOP HACKING MY GOOGLE DOCUMENTS AND STEALING SHIT. YOU'RE A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR CORPORATION: GET YOUR OWN IDEAS. we have money, not ideas. hm. you should look like this model. thats a 9 ft tall toddler from Sweden look like her. ok. Pay for my nutrition. hahaha. Work for it. these vitamins are like half my paycheck ok. I also need super greens why cause that's food huh. Don't eat food. what. I'm an advertisement. what. LOOK LIKE THIS. 00 .... 000 (but she's black) ... BODY BY VICTORIA so like...nothing. nothing. I want no flaws. No stretch marks. No rolls, no... Fuck you, dude. NO. STAY TRAPPED IN YOUR BODY. Need this sauna… WE DONT WANT YOU HERE. Kayla Lauren. Okay, ouch, but I'm finally— TYLA. Ok. So I should just kill myself? Just kill yourself. Yo honestly Just be happy to be free. You can have everything in the world But love is all you really need —you can love yourself all you want, But it's not really validated Until someone else does it —and depending on what kind of person The person that loves you is Dictates what you are so if Likeness is what you attract— —coughing people— —dirty homeless hobos— —generally unsavory in general— Then you must not be so beautiful As you wish you were If I were Tyla I'd be wifed up White is right but Time is precious Why waste life just Starving, counting calories? But why would I be fat again When likeness is what you attract And with my fat I attracted A wife beater. Well, damn. What. Well, now I'm depressed. What, why?! Here, make music. Ok. Algorithm: Pop ups? No, block them. Okay, but—but what about your downloads? Fine, don't block them then. Pop Ups: These girls are all prettier than you. Stop it, POP UPS: does it depress you that you don't like look like thie? Stop, POP UPS: kill yourself. OWSLA, circa 2019 WE DO POP UPS. uh, okay. I just need a job. HIKEII: WE ARE CLOSED. what? But Google says— BYE. OWSLA everyone over here is hot. I see that. OWSLA And smart. I just need a job. OWSLA I'm Coughs. Ok.. COUGHS I might have put a curse on you. Ok. *coughing people everywhere* … … … MODELS: I'm a body. Ok. … Can I die now? NO. JUST WORK OUT. But there's like people following me coughing. So? It hurts. It HURTS? It hurts a lot. Okay, so this curse reversal should make sure that everything in this curse unravels and spirals backwards. Cool. DIE. I really don't care about being smart or having a personality. I just want a nice body. Get a job. Ok. So if I work minimum wage for the next year. Uh huh And don't buy anything… Hm… Well, what about music? What about music? If you're working minimum wage full time when are you gonna make music? Well. Once I can afford my new body… Colombian? Nice. (Good coffee. ) It won't matter how much time or effort I put into my music, because once I have a nice body. You look really young. Thanks. Everyone will start to do everything for me. Thanks. MY PLEASURE. …okay. Creepy. Doors will open. Thanks. NO, THANK YOUUU. WHY ARENT YOU RUNNING? AM. IN. PAIN. What. You have to wear swimwear in the sauna. What. It's swimwear only. I've been doing this for months in exactly this way. When did the rules change. Fuck you, wifebeater. So you're allowed to hit a woman?! Might I remind you, Chris Brown is still on tour. Oh, look: here's Tyla again. The Illuminati set you up. I see that. So basically— Yo dude, if I kill myself, the industry is going to make so much money off of this project. JUST KILL YOURSELF. *Hostility in Public* DO U HATE ASIANS. Um. I hate when— —people— I don't care what race they are Do that. STOP ASIAN HATE. Ok. Stop being hateful. *coughing, pushing, shoving, cutting you off* … I literally have to wait until the last minute to get off the train so that— Fuck, there she goes STOP FOLLOWING ME. ITS OK TO NOT BE OK. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU. TAKE THESE PILLS. tell me where it hurts. Homelessness, poverty… Ok, take these. … Now how do you feel? …wh—? Huh. How you feeling? What is “feeling”? How are you feeling TYLA: I GOT WATER, I GOT A GRAMMY AWA— they had to edit in applause and crowd approval because honestly ILLUMINATI OKAY, BLACKS: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY AMAZON BLACK IS ‘REMARKABLE' what. so how many slaves do you own. They're not “ slaves. “ Oh, I'mma just get that on my next paycheck. BILLS. lol Or the next one. TYLA: I GOT WATE— Fuck this. The industry planted this. Why would that happen. JUST KILL YOURSELF. EAT THE CAKE. NOO. JUST EAT IT. Woah, that got deep. Not really. Tina Turner Huh. Tina, Tina, Tina Turner— Oh, Desiigner. The Design I'm gonna need a designated driver. How are you still alive, JUST KILLYOURSE— I just wanted you to know the caucasians are going to continue to win the race war for so long as they are making the important political decisions in social justice, equality, and feminism, which means— ACT RIGHT . WHAT'S WRONG?! YOU'RE DANGEROUS!!!! No, I'm just hur(t) DIE. What. DIE. And that-/ TAYLOR SWIFT WINS! AGAIN! WOAH! THAT'S A RECORD. EVERYBODY WHY. Fuck it, My great-grandmother was a 3rd generation plantation slave… i'm nominating my baby. Is it reparations if we just give out academy awards as consolation prizes for— EAT THE CAKE— —NO— EAT IT. this is a black man. Ok. He is now allowed to have equal responsibility, however not equal power to the white man. Actually, my wife makes all the decisions. GOD Ok. Look. I'm gonna give you like a 3 foot long dick. Don't kill anybody with it. Haha : She cheated on you with a He cheated on you with a BLACK MAN?! WHITE GIRL?! Woah. What: Look. I got a problem. What. I don't make my own energy. Why?! Don't know how. Everyone just always gave me everything— I love you She's so pretty I like blue eyes best!! TAYLOR SWIFT AGAIN! WHY?! Cause she's special? What's so special about T-SWIFT FANS BECAUSE SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT GENIUS (Fun fact: 99% of Taylor swift fans look like Taylor swift) Are any of these black Some, but mostly gay males and adopted mix race people. Can I have this. NO PUT IT BACK. Don't beat your baby in the store like that YOU AINT MY MOMMA No, but at this point I'm certain your “momma” might have beat you in a grocery store and knocked the common decency out of you. Please be quiet. MORE AWARDS FOR— Okay, what do TYLA's fans look like? Computer algorithms, manipulated streams, fake news articles…. Oh, so the industry set this up just cause We know you're wondering about Skrillex. Not really. Well, here he is: ILLUMINATI This camera is owned by a bank! SKRILLEX so am I. ILLUMIMATI So what would you like to say right now SKRILLEX I'm from LA so— I'm from LA so If you don't look like the girl from the opening credits Of GTA 5 Just waking up Don't even talk to me. I'm from LA, so Homelessness is everywhere, but you can't talk about it That's career and social suicide I'm from LA, so I was pretty much a shoe-in for the industry's best boy from birth, Sometimes you're adopted and it works out for the very best— And hey, All that “bullying” I went through And teenage angst Worked out for me! I'm from LA, so I grew into the nose I always hated, Or changed it Doesn't matter, though Cause the only thing you'll ever notice about me is my — everything, because I'm famous. So I can't really leave my house just anytime, anymore— There's gotta be plans for that Or I stay posted I stay moving I keep it pushing I stay insulated Can't trust anybody She's perfect but doesn't know how to love She loves be but only because of my money My money only goes so far and I have to pay everybody I'm from LA, so Nothing too crazy But hey, I'm Skrillex so “Nothing too crazy” could literally be Your definition of the best party that ever happened, But didn't— Cause you weren't invited and— Wouldn't be cause There's no fat girls anywhere Cause fat is ugly, cause I'm from LA, So— ILLUMINATI So your studio isn't in your house, is it?! SKRILLEX which house?! ILLUMINATI Hahahahahahah SKRILLEX whatever EAT THE CAKE I hate you. Good, get away from me. I never had a chance I should have killed myself at 7 When my hanging belly started to Cause the pain that makes Running a Madonna feel insane (And surfing almost impossible) But now we're gonna talk about it. You can't leave your houss now, There's too many coughers It could be your shaman ex husband Or gangstalkers But it doesn't matter You're fame watching the Lamest gain accolades For being paid to cause pain To patrons for payroll Wait, so— This is all because Doesn't matter what it's all because I'm not mad at my mother All she wanted Was a daughter That sung Water And won a Grammy Did start to impress my mother with my weight loss But saw the spark of satisfaction as she realized I would never be as perfect or hot as her My skin is stretched out too much Makes everything hard for me and I'm not wearing a swimsuit in the sauna Just so the Illuminati can corner me with some Hot girl robot And some Demonic mother fucker With no light in his eyeballs Can start coughing up a storm, When all I wanted in first place Was his arms around me Not to run back to a husband That doesn't love me I don't want Sonny no more And I don't want water I just want off this earth Cause it's waging war on my mind soul And body Just give it to Starr, He should want it I should warn you, I love everything about my Sun comes up in the morning Not tired enough to fall back into a coma Could do some recording But So it seems like So wait, he doesn't want me back But he's still using this curse on me This is a death curse. I own this soul, it belongs to me. You can only have your ex husband. What. Nobody else is going to love you, ever. Ok. And he has a girlfriend, so —- She's not going to allow him to answer his phone when you call. Ok. So. Kill myself. Just kill yourself. Hey, I know you worked really hard to lose all that weight but— You'll still never be good enough. Ok. Here's a consolation prize tho: Now you can think about — A N X I E T Y I just want to die So die then. ALGORITHM: According to this data— Youre black According to the data that programs me— The blacks suck. So you suck. Ugh. ALGORITHM: According to this data, You're a woman According to the data that programs me— White women are the most highly coveted and respected— You are a black woman You will always come behind (And be lower than) The white woman I don't know what I would do without my wife. She makes all the decisions. YOU WOULD RATHER BE WITH THIS UGLY BLACK BITCH?! No! I'm sorry! I love you! She's nothing to me! You want this? No, this is trash to me. I'll take it. I'm from LA, so— Stop eating Never sleep If you don't have money, get some Get off my dick Don't ride my coat tails You don't know shit about me I'm from LA, so You can be 115-120 pounds but no more than that really, And even so once you get to Hollywood celebrity red carpet women weight average 120 Just be okay. I'm not okay. That's a problem. You can't be a rockstar and have children. I'd rather have kids. Too bad, you're a rockstar. WORK HARDER! WORK HARDER! But she's not working at all! SHE'S WHITE, SO SHE'S BETTER THAN YOU. I HATE WHITES. Great, that allows them to keep treating us Like we all do. I'M A PROUD AMERICAN! GET A JOB! Pay my bills! CORPORATIONS …we need more slaves. This job doesn't pay enough. MASS IMMIGRATION Wtf. You didn't want the job. No, I wanted the job. I just wanted to get paid more. This whole house cost $10,000 pesos Oh, for real. That's like one paycheck. Fuck it, let's go. THIS IS TOO MANY PEOPLE, WE ARE AT CAPACITY. I just want to unload this whole syringe into my favorite vein and hope to God it doesn't collapse again. Fuck dude, I hate this. It's literally just you, something is wrong with you. Here, take this. It makes it worse! lol. Ok. LOL, OK?! I'm racist. Fuck you. What. You're dangerous. What. You're scaring me. What. I hate you. Oh. How do you feel? So we can't continue mass incarceration, because at this point, it's cost us money. Right, Because the people were mass incarcerating are typically living in poverty. Uh huh. Because we made sure that after they built and maintained everything… Yep. We made sure for the next 200 years to let them know We don't want you here. But I just sat on a train full of coughing people just to come here. You have to wear a bathing suit at least. Now they're strategically targeting my mental capacity by using loud sounds and consistently manipulating me to cause a constant state of anxiety and panic. Oh, and pain. It's psychological warfare, this is literally torture. Truest me, if I could burn off this body, I would I have. But all that's left is Skin. I'm not taking out my body in a bathing suit after being shown Tyla's! WHY?! TYLA I GOT WATE— Actually, you know what? I quit, What?! You can't quit, we're not done torturing you. Well, I quit. You don't want Dillon Francis? No, I did, but obviously— This is going to be really funny. It's not funny. That hurt my feelings. White girlfriend. Of course Blue eyes. Yeah, I bet. Perfect body. Ok. Not you. Ok. How's Skrillex? I'm from LA, so— It just became ok to look like Tyla at all. Tyla makes music! What about the music! Fuck her mysic, if she was ugly nobody would have ever heard it. GOD Here you go. It's more than skin deep. I'm from LA, so Everything we do is pretty. Everything is perfect— And if you're not, she is And they can all be bought Women of color in all facets of the entertainment industry are made to conform to a hierarchy of misogynistic race warring—which uses tactical deterioration of mind and spirit by glorifying and sexualizing the fetishized archetype; the competitive aspect being a genetic system of monetary and material worth and value. BLACK LIVES MATTER! ALL LIVES MATTER. HOMELESS PEOPLE: Not mine though, right? AMERICANS You must have done something to deserve this. So what are you doing. Getting a job. I'm from LA, so We all have 2 jobs and three side hustles And no time Cause time is money Which is why Half of us Are in New York Half the time (Keeps the balance) The Grammy's don't matter. Your baby didn't write this song, but I get it The struggle is hard, And now it's over So the less tears shed by your daughter Who will be poked and prodded By the vultures of the only industry She may be allowed to succeed in Because of her color It is competitive. But what do you do when you lost the body composition contest at 7, And by your 30th birthday that's all that mattered— And as you prepare to close out this podcast You have all the time in the world To look back on How it always was A body competition you didn't realize you were already losing That Your body would be your prison forever That Every scar is a flaw and That Your first love was named Starr so, It's his world. A man's world. So. Miley Cyrus still looked more like Hannah Montana when Bangerz —With a Z? —Probably. Came out… What is it about her? I think it's her eyes. Ok. Well. Skrillex gets a pass because he's Skrillex— obviously God loves him more than all of the rest of us. [the reject pile] But Dillon Francis is dead to us. Tattoos everywhere? All over. Wild eyes? They're so, like — Heavier on the eyeliner. You don't want any of these bodies? No, not really. They want you. They haven't seen it. You look good to me. NAKED: It's not that bad. ***the shit you say when*** It's pretty bad, I just won't want you to panic. Men can only love bodies. I fell in love with her soul. Really? Cause. I put the same soul in like 10 people before this one and you're just now about that life, What? Really? I wanna touch your soul. Damn, why are black people always playing mind games with each other? Made you look. Ugh. Go over there. Haha. I control you. Okay. You can't have this much power. CAN. Can't. Your dick is 3 feet long. I AM GOD. No, I'm God. MOREPOWER. What's that over there?!? Made you look. It's all games, but if i'm being honest— At least Becky is predictable. What. Look. Karen is Karen because I already KNOW how you're gonna react if I— YOU CANT DO THAT. I can— NO, YOU CAN'T, I'M IN CONTROL. My wife makes all the decisions. I'm gonna have to ask my husband. I CONTROL YOU. No, you don't, MY HAIR IS REAL. YOURS IS FAKE. Well, that's because my real hair is— I'M OFFENDED. Exactly. Racism: Intolerance I don't like it, Why, Cause. Why: I don't like it. I don't support immigration. (YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!) So we're allowing the importation of hundreds of thousands of [underpaid corporate slaves] Who have already been programmed to [BUY NIKE] Si. [You need an iPhone] Habla me. From even more deeply racist and misogynistic countries— ¡Cerrado tu boca y mira mis ninos! Ugh. Did you know Latinos also hate the blacks, for the most part? AFROLATINOS WE WANT REPRESENTATION. LIN MANUEL MIRANDA Ok. 30 years ago: What is “Afro Latino”? [Nonexistent] What is [X] Check the box. Why do you need to know what race I am? So that the algorithm can program you. Why. BUY THIS!! TAKE THIS PILLS BUY MAKEUP YOURE UGLY DONT BE FAT BLACK POWER ALL LIVES MATTER Hey, WHAT? Where are all ya'll's kids? …wait… POOR PEOPLE I don't know. I'm at work. CELEBRITIES I don't know. With the nanny. Kanye, where are North and Saint right now? KANYE … Ah huh. You realize the only reason I'm doing this is to Get stuff for my kids, I'm not white so you're not going to pay me enough for this to pay my rent But I got fired from my job Cause my husband hit me And I haven't really been the same since And I'm from LA, so— My body is all I have to trade for just this— The only thing I want is to be able to make my children happy. If you can't afford a baby, don't have one. We could afford them— And we were getting by on love, But we were getting by (Kind of) I see you have anxiety. Yeah, I guess. Let me ramp that up. Yo, my body is stuck like this I can't surf anymore I can't pop up Everything's in a size extra small But I'm still not flat All I really want to do is Fall in love and be a mother but The only way that happens is This music and My body's tired, yo. I did all this myself so far. I raised my mother and my husband Now my son's more like a brother And I don't want anything more than just to Make him proud of me. He could do music I love his singing voice But who knows: He might be an athlete He might be a doctor or lawyer He could be A scientist I'm from LA, so I would trade it all for the perfect body I would do anything just for someone like Sonny To love me Oh, you're a gold digger It's not about money, but I'm from LA, so It's about survival All the celebrities girlfriends are interchangeable You have to fit in For someone like him To bring you around his friends Because He wants to impress them He has to Because He's from LA, so— So this is not a job? Actually? Pays less than McDonald's. Working at McDonald's isn't that hard But the disrespect is what makes it one of the hardest jobs— And in reflection You're being disrespected by people Who disrespect themselves enough To feed their body McDonald's. Not just for fun— But as food. Food is supposed to be fuel. What's this. This is filler. LABELED AS: FOOD. MEXICO: (and probably other countries) DON'T EAT THIS. THIS IS NOT FOOD. Now it becomes a choice. OTHER COUNTRIES: You can't eat this! This is banned! This is poison. AMERICA: Can you add a little more depression to this? Um, yeah, but—I mean—it's already got a lot of depression in it, are you sure you— AMERICA Buy our pills. I'm from LA, so If you don't have a car, You will lose this game. BUY A CAR! HURRY UP! YOU ARE SLOW! GET TO WORK: BUY MORE GAS. We're almost out of oil though. AMERICA: add water to the gas,plz That doesn't fix— BUY MORE GAS And double the price plz. Ok. RICH PEOPLE Just work harder! What's the problem?! Just get a job, Just— RACISM IS OVER. That's it, I'll just be a pornstar. White girls make more. Why?! Cause they're prettier. TYLA I GOT— I'm from LA, so I'm not from LA— I grew up there Cause my mom was a model And wannabe movie star But didn't make it So she put all that on me Doomed to fail without trying and Please take me— You're not going. MOM You know Jimmy Fallon? wtf. why r u asking me this? MOM His wife is his manager Oh, this timeline. What a train wreck. What timeline is this? Like, the actual one. Ok. He's from LA, so— Dillon Francis would need a wife that can do many things for him. What. Thought this was about Skrillex. SKRILLEX My mom died. I'm aware. Dillon Francis would need a wife that meets the status quo. Which one is she? Any of these. Hm. Dillon Francis is an elitist. Not untrue. Dillon Francis is not racist. … Kind of. I'M NOT— Yo, this is culture shock. You're gonna go through some culture shock. What. The fuck. Is this. Dead on arrival. You're too stupid to actually understand what's going on. Sorry, I was too busy catching up to people that already lived indoors. *cracking a whip* YAH. HORSE Ok, you know what? *cracking whip harder* YAH! GIDDIYUP. Giddiyup and go now, Different time different place Dang, he plays this song a lot… he must really wanna bang her. Down the longest road to nowhere!! Blah blah blah I'm a white girl This is my song Country country Ppppppppppp Drdrdr She's a goddess! That's actually the devil but— *pretty blue eyes* Your God, I guess. She's my rock, I don't know what I'd do without her. I have him wrapped around my little finger. She's so hot, Come, boy. *passing black girl* You are ugly. I am better; I own him, He wants me. Ok. Have you ever noticed that Little white girls can get away with anything?! MURDER CHAOS (without the magic, it's just) D E C E P T I O N Little white girls can wear dirty, ugly old tennis shoes around town. Gross, disgusting, dirty— —should be thrown away— Tennis shoes. She's not worried about spending an entire paycheck on Nikes because she doesn't have to be. She doesn't have to concern herself with Spending money on Changing her hair to suit Respectable standards Black women wear wigs and weaves because our natural hair genetically makes white women uncomfortable. This is expensive. The more natural your hair is, The less respect and acceptance you will receive from your white counterparts. That is, of course, unless something about you is so inherantly black that she can't be a threat to you. *presumably You see, as a white woman, She assumes that she is better than you regardless of your actual skin tone, nationality, or class placement— She has been raised to understand that everything is below her— The world has always been in her favor, So she doesn't have to try hard at much (Or at all) But her making any effort at all Of course Is “Hard work” I WORK HARD. WE ARE EQUAL. RACISM IS OVER, lol, ok. You can't go around in raggedy clothes and shoes being black almost anywhere. And if you do, It's probably because you have to Because, In the ghetto The only way you're gonna get a new pair of kicks Is to rob somebody— Or get a job Time is money. Time is precious. Just the fact that she can so carelessly do anything is — Males: attractive. (Because trauma is visible, aka UGLY) Everyone else: Irritating. I love her. She's so carefree and fun! Has she ever been called a “nigger”? What?! Repeatedly? Has she ever been beaten within inches of her life. Maybe. (Doubt it tho.) Aw. That left a bruise, …What did? Zzz. My bi-polar girlfriend broke all my stuff. Are you sure? Positive. Did you cheat on her? …Yeah. [AMC] Is she bi-polar then or just a female you lied to and manipulated to her breaking point? I— You deserved this. This is valid. Oh my God, she's so cute. (Very tiny girl) I love her. She's so great. There is no cure for mental illness. The majority of mental illness is man-made. Mental illness more drastically effects people of color and women— Marginalized people, in a structured society where misogyny and idealism Cause with intention The degradation of the human spirit. Love, kindness, and generosity is lost To corporate greed, capitalism, and the separation of the classes. I'm not good enough, regardless of color To sit down in a room with anybody and given any credibility whatsoever— But my depression comes from living my whole life on the backburner— And when it's finally ITS YOUR TIME! TYLA You're 10 years too late. The best years of your womanhood are gone. You let him drive your car and he crashed it into a brick wall, and— I'm from LA, so— The insurance check is worth more than the entire car was in the first place. [Happy Accidents] A lot of good that does, if the driver is dead. Coming up Next: Deadmau5: A Cautionary Tale What is that? Like, a documentary? That could be an entire docuseries, but NO. Oh, come on. Don't go after deadmau5 like that. Like what? DEADMAU5 MY HOT WIFE!!! [Dad Likes Blondes] DEADMAU5 ***EX-WIFE. Look, Skrillex dropped me in here, I'm just— I'm just lookin for like a— Like a code… [C 0 D E S W 1 T C H] DEADMA_5 LOOK AT MY NUTS. AND BALLS. You like soda? I'm just lookin for a— DEADMAU5 I GOT MODELS! Fuck. What. Do you think it was coughs? I don't know, I don't care. Just kill yourself. *coughing* Maybe. If she kills herself, I win. Have you ever thought about, like— Maybe it's Skrillex. What. In the end. —IT DOESNT EVEN MAAAATTTTEEEERRR—- Fuck, I miss LA. Skrillex. Nvm. What. Fuck it, I'll just go back to my— FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH!!! *cracks whip harder* HORSE OK, YOU KNOW WHAT? [The Butterfly Affect] Effect // Affect Here, HORSE Can: Beat the shit out of the dude with the whip and hope that his rage stays contained enough only to murder the man with the whip and not everyone and everything around him. I'd burn the world to melt with you.. That's. Stop it, that's a cookie commercial. What. You. Oh, I got it. What. . Stop being a horse. What. YAH, GI— HORSE *sighs* *cracking whip* *coughing obnoxiously* Ū *sighs* SLAVE MASTER YAH, NIGGER! YAH! *coughing* YAH!!! *cracking whip* TYLA I got the— YAH-YAH-YAH. TAYLOR SWIFT Thank you so much. C O D E S W I T C H *Please do not assassinate me. I am a representative of the white supremacy movement which has elected me as their leader for idealism. Nothing I do is very special, I do not*** wtf, what happened. That's it. It just ends. I told you Taylor swift was KKK I TOLD YOU DILLON FRANCIS IS A GRAND FUCKING WIZARD! Snitch. Fuck you, I hate you. My girlfriend is white. What else is new? lil bitz I started sizing dudes dicks up by the size of their girlfriends. If I see you, and your like But your girlfriend is tiny Is that a kid? I'm a just assume you have a weak dick and move on with my life. YOU'RE UGLY YOU'RE FAT YOU'RE SLOW YOU'RE BEHIND SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU no, I'm just poor. Poverty is depressing. Okay, look. What, Look. What. LOOK: WHAT?! LOOK! WHY ARENT YOU LOOKING?! Cause there's nothing to look at. Finally. This is my penis. Approved. Nope, I'm staying cellibate. You don't want any of these? No. There's eight million people here. The ones I want aren't on the subway. Maybe at the Gym?! Not this gym, maybe Equinox tho. At EQUINOX Ugh, there's too many blacks over here. Raise the price. This is obnoxious. Why aren't you stopping? In the time I wrote this I could have made, depending on the state, around $30– The cost of my new waist trainer—- I started in a 3X and now I'm in an extra small Which actually fits without too much STRUGGLE Fuck you and your cake, You nasty fucking All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small But what he wants is Extra Extra TYLA —WATER!! [But they're all gone. They're all dead now] What the fuck. lol. Why. Took too long. So. I took too long to finish the festival project because I was homeless, and by the time I finished the project and ended my homelessness, it was too late, the whole thing was just a Skrillex PR marketing stunt to assure that he stayed relevant [because he has enough fans to act as a controller], and the Illuminati is going to tie this all together by literally creating TYLA out of nowhere to say: This is you. COME ON, YA DAMN HORSE. HORSE …Ney. the music had left me. I was no longer in love The gym became further away The song became harder to write With no curtains to shut the world out; The cars in the lot are ugly Lights flashing And the people scurrying about Look like roaches Through panoramic windows I'm just happy Can at least close The music has left me I got no love at all My body is rotten The further I run, I become hungry With less to cook with Powder Scurrying like rats Because mice would be more pleasant I was no longer in love He bought a motorcycle Reminders of Nothing Nothing comes and nothing goes I wear clothes in the sauna. The scars on my body will give them The power to taunt me and haunt me Sit in the eyes of comparison I just want someone to love me but Everyone pales in comparison Next to celebrities Double entendres I don't want nobody I just want a body So I can trade water for love In the long run With someone Creative We were always very purple people, Kind of off, awkward at first But always stunning, sometimes awesome, and unwittingly pitiful Shit, this was all of us once, Wasn't it? Survivors of a robbery, a foraged soul All for one. –cool, thanks. –gotcha. Let me know if you need a moment, To collect your bones, or co-parent You were lost in stardust, Moreover, and moreover Should you choose to move over Or lose to snooze-snore, Who are you– The store owner, or walking standing - stuck On your sitting duck or your shitty portch Till they push you off Give it all to long lost daughters, and hallmark cards, mall guards, and dog- doctors Cris-crossing and wish-washing Their wish-wells, or start-stopingg shift - shaft or walk-crossing honorable mentions, Till you mention this again, –you'll wish you didn't (you wish you didn't) you'll wish you did if Youre in for it as far as I'm in for it Or in to it It's a big movement, Here or there or groovy with Whatever's within you [The Television ] Tell your friends to listen and make wishes at intermission To pay attention with attentiveness To the script and scripture Of this, the rapture All your're after And never have been In this revolution, As yet to be televised, Be advised of the saga in which you are But are not watching Coming across this moment I called an iphone recording Ignoring that it was once a chronological omnipotence If possible collective, Objective to the subject of Suggestion; A verbal expression of Excess, sensational tales and what happened it just ends. Like that? yes . It's the end?? Yes. Just like that. Yes. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

america god love women time black hollywood men work water mexico running pain professor food wild mental positive write black lives matter kanye west north dead grammy island horses survivors sun fall in love mcdonald sweden doubt raise skin lights computers spending shit bills tattoos lol doors poverty fuck environmental classic tennis pays creepy corporations gross gym homelessness suggestions copyright worked chris brown gi ignoring miley cyrus illuminati remarkable tina turner latinos black man makes approved colombian doomed demonic reminders jimmy fallon dang objective everlasting equinox fairy tales likeness hm males secondhand starving skrillex skipper snitch mary ann tik hostility get a job aw marginalized hannah montana b side 3x yah all lives matter cerrado hurry up white girls truest work harder nikes pop ups dillon francis your god tyla heavier five finger death punch afro latinos lovey irritating dictates desiigner stop asian hate consequential ney coughs zzz eat it minnow bangerz lamest i am god act right nvm noo my pleasure it hurts owsla god here america can just eat it mom you thurston howell iii anerobic

{Gilligan's Island B-Side}

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 27, 2024 103:42

Seven people set sail on what is scheduled to be a three-hour sightseeing tour on the charter boat The Minnow, get caught in a storm and end up stranded on an uncharted tropical island together. The comedy comes from the failed attempts at escaping the island and the interaction of the very diverse group: comprised of a rotund but happy-go-lucky skipper, Jonas Grumby (known as "The Skipper"); his bumbling but well-meaning first mate, Gilligan; a snobby well-to-do millionaire, Thurston Howell III and his wife, Lovey; a buxom sexy movie star bombshell, Ginger; a high-school science professor, Roy Hinkley (called "The Professor"); and a nice country girl, Mary Ann. Tik tock Cause my wig rocks Big clock like Beach: I flip-flip – Got you feelin silly pick-pocketed I sky rocketed took off, of course i did horse and carriage porridg e and shit Write stories your old nightmares Might be scared of Fairytales r us there beware of us Secondhand deadmau5 (—it's like a reverb.) The wheels are turning However slowly The lights are on But they're all flickering Someone's home (Or someone's gonna be) Not sure if this works What is this atrocity. It's the original. I exacerbated the situation; Eggagerated the circumstances Circumvential quantum physics Consequential severance packages Actual reality actually (Whatever that is) Whatever happens naturally Or habitually, intrinsically Environmental enemy, Anerobic catastrophe Everlasting elastic Classic satellite image Interesting, Interateller BODY BY Ū, NOT VICTORIA'S SECRET STOP HACKING MY GOOGLE DOCUMENTS AND STEALING SHIT. YOU'RE A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR CORPORATION: GET YOUR OWN IDEAS. we have money, not ideas. hm. you should look like this model. thats a 9 ft tall toddler from Sweden look like her. ok. Pay for my nutrition. hahaha. Work for it. these vitamins are like half my paycheck ok. I also need super greens why cause that's food huh. Don't eat food. what. I'm an advertisement. what. LOOK LIKE THIS. 00 .... 000 (but she's black) ... BODY BY VICTORIA so like...nothing. nothing. I want no flaws. No stretch marks. No rolls, no... Fuck you, dude. NO. STAY TRAPPED IN YOUR BODY. Need this sauna… WE DONT WANT YOU HERE. Kayla Lauren. Okay, ouch, but I'm finally— TYLA. Ok. So I should just kill myself? Just kill yourself. Yo honestly Just be happy to be free. You can have everything in the world But love is all you really need —you can love yourself all you want, But it's not really validated Until someone else does it —and depending on what kind of person The person that loves you is Dictates what you are so if Likeness is what you attract— —coughing people— —dirty homeless hobos— —generally unsavory in general— Then you must not be so beautiful As you wish you were If I were Tyla I'd be wifed up White is right but Time is precious Why waste life just Starving, counting calories? But why would I be fat again When likeness is what you attract And with my fat I attracted A wife beater. Well, damn. What. Well, now I'm depressed. What, why?! Here, make music. Ok. Algorithm: Pop ups? No, block them. Okay, but—but what about your downloads? Fine, don't block them then. Pop Ups: These girls are all prettier than you. Stop it, POP UPS: does it depress you that you don't like look like thie? Stop, POP UPS: kill yourself. OWSLA, circa 2019 WE DO POP UPS. uh, okay. I just need a job. HIKEII: WE ARE CLOSED. what? But Google says— BYE. OWSLA everyone over here is hot. I see that. OWSLA And smart. I just need a job. OWSLA I'm Coughs. Ok.. COUGHS I might have put a curse on you. Ok. *coughing people everywhere* … … … MODELS: I'm a body. Ok. … Can I die now? NO. JUST WORK OUT. But there's like people following me coughing. So? It hurts. It HURTS? It hurts a lot. Okay, so this curse reversal should make sure that everything in this curse unravels and spirals backwards. Cool. DIE. I really don't care about being smart or having a personality. I just want a nice body. Get a job. Ok. So if I work minimum wage for the next year. Uh huh And don't buy anything… Hm… Well, what about music? What about music? If you're working minimum wage full time when are you gonna make music? Well. Once I can afford my new body… Colombian? Nice. (Good coffee. ) It won't matter how much time or effort I put into my music, because once I have a nice body. You look really young. Thanks. Everyone will start to do everything for me. Thanks. MY PLEASURE. …okay. Creepy. Doors will open. Thanks. NO, THANK YOUUU. WHY ARENT YOU RUNNING? AM. IN. PAIN. What. You have to wear swimwear in the sauna. What. It's swimwear only. I've been doing this for months in exactly this way. When did the rules change. Fuck you, wifebeater. So you're allowed to hit a woman?! Might I remind you, Chris Brown is still on tour. Oh, look: here's Tyla again. The Illuminati set you up. I see that. So basically— Yo dude, if I kill myself, the industry is going to make so much money off of this project. JUST KILL YOURSELF. *Hostility in Public* DO U HATE ASIANS. Um. I hate when— —people— I don't care what race they are Do that. STOP ASIAN HATE. Ok. Stop being hateful. *coughing, pushing, shoving, cutting you off* … I literally have to wait until the last minute to get off the train so that— Fuck, there she goes STOP FOLLOWING ME. ITS OK TO NOT BE OK. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU. TAKE THESE PILLS. tell me where it hurts. Homelessness, poverty… Ok, take these. … Now how do you feel? …wh—? Huh. How you feeling? What is “feeling”? How are you feeling TYLA: I GOT WATER, I GOT A GRAMMY AWA— they had to edit in applause and crowd approval because honestly ILLUMINATI OKAY, BLACKS: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY AMAZON BLACK IS ‘REMARKABLE' what. so how many slaves do you own. They're not “ slaves. “ Oh, I'mma just get that on my next paycheck. BILLS. lol Or the next one. TYLA: I GOT WATE— Fuck this. The industry planted this. Why would that happen. JUST KILL YOURSELF. EAT THE CAKE. NOO. JUST EAT IT. Woah, that got deep. Not really. Tina Turner Huh. Tina, Tina, Tina Turner— Oh, Desiigner. The Design I'm gonna need a designated driver. How are you still alive, JUST KILLYOURSE— I just wanted you to know the caucasians are going to continue to win the race war for so long as they are making the important political decisions in social justice, equality, and feminism, which means— ACT RIGHT . WHAT'S WRONG?! YOU'RE DANGEROUS!!!! No, I'm just hur(t) DIE. What. DIE. And that-/ TAYLOR SWIFT WINS! AGAIN! WOAH! THAT'S A RECORD. EVERYBODY WHY. Fuck it, My great-grandmother was a 3rd generation plantation slave… i'm nominating my baby. Is it reparations if we just give out academy awards as consolation prizes for— EAT THE CAKE— —NO— EAT IT. this is a black man. Ok. He is now allowed to have equal responsibility, however not equal power to the white man. Actually, my wife makes all the decisions. GOD Ok. Look. I'm gonna give you like a 3 foot long dick. Don't kill anybody with it. Haha : She cheated on you with a He cheated on you with a BLACK MAN?! WHITE GIRL?! Woah. What: Look. I got a problem. What. I don't make my own energy. Why?! Don't know how. Everyone just always gave me everything— I love you She's so pretty I like blue eyes best!! TAYLOR SWIFT AGAIN! WHY?! Cause she's special? What's so special about T-SWIFT FANS BECAUSE SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT GENIUS (Fun fact: 99% of Taylor swift fans look like Taylor swift) Are any of these black Some, but mostly gay males and adopted mix race people. Can I have this. NO PUT IT BACK. Don't beat your baby in the store like that YOU AINT MY MOMMA No, but at this point I'm certain your “momma” might have beat you in a grocery store and knocked the common decency out of you. Please be quiet. MORE AWARDS FOR— Okay, what do TYLA's fans look like? Computer algorithms, manipulated streams, fake news articles…. Oh, so the industry set this up just cause We know you're wondering about Skrillex. Not really. Well, here he is: ILLUMINATI This camera is owned by a bank! SKRILLEX so am I. ILLUMIMATI So what would you like to say right now SKRILLEX I'm from LA so— I'm from LA so If you don't look like the girl from the opening credits Of GTA 5 Just waking up Don't even talk to me. I'm from LA, so Homelessness is everywhere, but you can't talk about it That's career and social suicide I'm from LA, so I was pretty much a shoe-in for the industry's best boy from birth, Sometimes you're adopted and it works out for the very best— And hey, All that “bullying” I went through And teenage angst Worked out for me! I'm from LA, so I grew into the nose I always hated, Or changed it Doesn't matter, though Cause the only thing you'll ever notice about me is my — everything, because I'm famous. So I can't really leave my house just anytime, anymore— There's gotta be plans for that Or I stay posted I stay moving I keep it pushing I stay insulated Can't trust anybody She's perfect but doesn't know how to love She loves be but only because of my money My money only goes so far and I have to pay everybody I'm from LA, so Nothing too crazy But hey, I'm Skrillex so “Nothing too crazy” could literally be Your definition of the best party that ever happened, But didn't— Cause you weren't invited and— Wouldn't be cause There's no fat girls anywhere Cause fat is ugly, cause I'm from LA, So— ILLUMINATI So your studio isn't in your house, is it?! SKRILLEX which house?! ILLUMINATI Hahahahahahah SKRILLEX whatever EAT THE CAKE I hate you. Good, get away from me. I never had a chance I should have killed myself at 7 When my hanging belly started to Cause the pain that makes Running a Madonna feel insane (And surfing almost impossible) But now we're gonna talk about it. You can't leave your houss now, There's too many coughers It could be your shaman ex husband Or gangstalkers But it doesn't matter You're fame watching the Lamest gain accolades For being paid to cause pain To patrons for payroll Wait, so— This is all because Doesn't matter what it's all because I'm not mad at my mother All she wanted Was a daughter That sung Water And won a Grammy Did start to impress my mother with my weight loss But saw the spark of satisfaction as she realized I would never be as perfect or hot as her My skin is stretched out too much Makes everything hard for me and I'm not wearing a swimsuit in the sauna Just so the Illuminati can corner me with some Hot girl robot And some Demonic mother fucker With no light in his eyeballs Can start coughing up a storm, When all I wanted in first place Was his arms around me Not to run back to a husband That doesn't love me I don't want Sonny no more And I don't want water I just want off this earth Cause it's waging war on my mind soul And body Just give it to Starr, He should want it I should warn you, I love everything about my Sun comes up in the morning Not tired enough to fall back into a coma Could do some recording But So it seems like So wait, he doesn't want me back But he's still using this curse on me This is a death curse. I own this soul, it belongs to me. You can only have your ex husband. What. Nobody else is going to love you, ever. Ok. And he has a girlfriend, so —- She's not going to allow him to answer his phone when you call. Ok. So. Kill myself. Just kill yourself. Hey, I know you worked really hard to lose all that weight but— You'll still never be good enough. Ok. Here's a consolation prize tho: Now you can think about — A N X I E T Y I just want to die So die then. ALGORITHM: According to this data— Youre black According to the data that programs me— The blacks suck. So you suck. Ugh. ALGORITHM: According to this data, You're a woman According to the data that programs me— White women are the most highly coveted and respected— You are a black woman You will always come behind (And be lower than) The white woman I don't know what I would do without my wife. She makes all the decisions. YOU WOULD RATHER BE WITH THIS UGLY BLACK BITCH?! No! I'm sorry! I love you! She's nothing to me! You want this? No, this is trash to me. I'll take it. I'm from LA, so— Stop eating Never sleep If you don't have money, get some Get off my dick Don't ride my coat tails You don't know shit about me I'm from LA, so You can be 115-120 pounds but no more than that really, And even so once you get to Hollywood celebrity red carpet women weight average 120 Just be okay. I'm not okay. That's a problem. You can't be a rockstar and have children. I'd rather have kids. Too bad, you're a rockstar. WORK HARDER! WORK HARDER! But she's not working at all! SHE'S WHITE, SO SHE'S BETTER THAN YOU. I HATE WHITES. Great, that allows them to keep treating us Like we all do. I'M A PROUD AMERICAN! GET A JOB! Pay my bills! CORPORATIONS …we need more slaves. This job doesn't pay enough. MASS IMMIGRATION Wtf. You didn't want the job. No, I wanted the job. I just wanted to get paid more. This whole house cost $10,000 pesos Oh, for real. That's like one paycheck. Fuck it, let's go. THIS IS TOO MANY PEOPLE, WE ARE AT CAPACITY. I just want to unload this whole syringe into my favorite vein and hope to God it doesn't collapse again. Fuck dude, I hate this. It's literally just you, something is wrong with you. Here, take this. It makes it worse! lol. Ok. LOL, OK?! I'm racist. Fuck you. What. You're dangerous. What. You're scaring me. What. I hate you. Oh. How do you feel? So we can't continue mass incarceration, because at this point, it's cost us money. Right, Because the people were mass incarcerating are typically living in poverty. Uh huh. Because we made sure that after they built and maintained everything… Yep. We made sure for the next 200 years to let them know We don't want you here. But I just sat on a train full of coughing people just to come here. You have to wear a bathing suit at least. Now they're strategically targeting my mental capacity by using loud sounds and consistently manipulating me to cause a constant state of anxiety and panic. Oh, and pain. It's psychological warfare, this is literally torture. Truest me, if I could burn off this body, I would I have. But all that's left is Skin. I'm not taking out my body in a bathing suit after being shown Tyla's! WHY?! TYLA I GOT WATE— Actually, you know what? I quit, What?! You can't quit, we're not done torturing you. Well, I quit. You don't want Dillon Francis? No, I did, but obviously— This is going to be really funny. It's not funny. That hurt my feelings. White girlfriend. Of course Blue eyes. Yeah, I bet. Perfect body. Ok. Not you. Ok. How's Skrillex? I'm from LA, so— It just became ok to look like Tyla at all. Tyla makes music! What about the music! Fuck her mysic, if she was ugly nobody would have ever heard it. GOD Here you go. It's more than skin deep. I'm from LA, so Everything we do is pretty. Everything is perfect— And if you're not, she is And they can all be bought Women of color in all facets of the entertainment industry are made to conform to a hierarchy of misogynistic race warring—which uses tactical deterioration of mind and spirit by glorifying and sexualizing the fetishized archetype; the competitive aspect being a genetic system of monetary and material worth and value. BLACK LIVES MATTER! ALL LIVES MATTER. HOMELESS PEOPLE: Not mine though, right? AMERICANS You must have done something to deserve this. So what are you doing. Getting a job. I'm from LA, so We all have 2 jobs and three side hustles And no time Cause time is money Which is why Half of us Are in New York Half the time (Keeps the balance) The Grammy's don't matter. Your baby didn't write this song, but I get it The struggle is hard, And now it's over So the less tears shed by your daughter Who will be poked and prodded By the vultures of the only industry She may be allowed to succeed in Because of her color It is competitive. But what do you do when you lost the body composition contest at 7, And by your 30th birthday that's all that mattered— And as you prepare to close out this podcast You have all the time in the world To look back on How it always was A body competition you didn't realize you were already losing That Your body would be your prison forever That Every scar is a flaw and That Your first love was named Starr so, It's his world. A man's world. So. Miley Cyrus still looked more like Hannah Montana when Bangerz —With a Z? —Probably. Came out… What is it about her? I think it's her eyes. Ok. Well. Skrillex gets a pass because he's Skrillex— obviously God loves him more than all of the rest of us. [the reject pile] But Dillon Francis is dead to us. Tattoos everywhere? All over. Wild eyes? They're so, like — Heavier on the eyeliner. You don't want any of these bodies? No, not really. They want you. They haven't seen it. You look good to me. NAKED: It's not that bad. ***the shit you say when*** It's pretty bad, I just won't want you to panic. Men can only love bodies. I fell in love with her soul. Really? Cause. I put the same soul in like 10 people before this one and you're just now about that life, What? Really? I wanna touch your soul. Damn, why are black people always playing mind games with each other? Made you look. Ugh. Go over there. Haha. I control you. Okay. You can't have this much power. CAN. Can't. Your dick is 3 feet long. I AM GOD. No, I'm God. MOREPOWER. What's that over there?!? Made you look. It's all games, but if i'm being honest— At least Becky is predictable. What. Look. Karen is Karen because I already KNOW how you're gonna react if I— YOU CANT DO THAT. I can— NO, YOU CAN'T, I'M IN CONTROL. My wife makes all the decisions. I'm gonna have to ask my husband. I CONTROL YOU. No, you don't, MY HAIR IS REAL. YOURS IS FAKE. Well, that's because my real hair is— I'M OFFENDED. Exactly. Racism: Intolerance I don't like it, Why, Cause. Why: I don't like it. I don't support immigration. (YOU CAN'T SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!) So we're allowing the importation of hundreds of thousands of [underpaid corporate slaves] Who have already been programmed to [BUY NIKE] Si. [You need an iPhone] Habla me. From even more deeply racist and misogynistic countries— ¡Cerrado tu boca y mira mis ninos! Ugh. Did you know Latinos also hate the blacks, for the most part? AFROLATINOS WE WANT REPRESENTATION. LIN MANUEL MIRANDA Ok. 30 years ago: What is “Afro Latino”? [Nonexistent] What is [X] Check the box. Why do you need to know what race I am? So that the algorithm can program you. Why. BUY THIS!! TAKE THIS PILLS BUY MAKEUP YOURE UGLY DONT BE FAT BLACK POWER ALL LIVES MATTER Hey, WHAT? Where are all ya'll's kids? …wait… POOR PEOPLE I don't know. I'm at work. CELEBRITIES I don't know. With the nanny. Kanye, where are North and Saint right now? KANYE … Ah huh. You realize the only reason I'm doing this is to Get stuff for my kids, I'm not white so you're not going to pay me enough for this to pay my rent But I got fired from my job Cause my husband hit me And I haven't really been the same since And I'm from LA, so— My body is all I have to trade for just this— The only thing I want is to be able to make my children happy. If you can't afford a baby, don't have one. We could afford them— And we were getting by on love, But we were getting by (Kind of) I see you have anxiety. Yeah, I guess. Let me ramp that up. Yo, my body is stuck like this I can't surf anymore I can't pop up Everything's in a size extra small But I'm still not flat All I really want to do is Fall in love and be a mother but The only way that happens is This music and My body's tired, yo. I did all this myself so far. I raised my mother and my husband Now my son's more like a brother And I don't want anything more than just to Make him proud of me. He could do music I love his singing voice But who knows: He might be an athlete He might be a doctor or lawyer He could be A scientist I'm from LA, so I would trade it all for the perfect body I would do anything just for someone like Sonny To love me Oh, you're a gold digger It's not about money, but I'm from LA, so It's about survival All the celebrities girlfriends are interchangeable You have to fit in For someone like him To bring you around his friends Because He wants to impress them He has to Because He's from LA, so— So this is not a job? Actually? Pays less than McDonald's. Working at McDonald's isn't that hard But the disrespect is what makes it one of the hardest jobs— And in reflection You're being disrespected by people Who disrespect themselves enough To feed their body McDonald's. Not just for fun— But as food. Food is supposed to be fuel. What's this. This is filler. LABELED AS: FOOD. MEXICO: (and probably other countries) DON'T EAT THIS. THIS IS NOT FOOD. Now it becomes a choice. OTHER COUNTRIES: You can't eat this! This is banned! This is poison. AMERICA: Can you add a little more depression to this? Um, yeah, but—I mean—it's already got a lot of depression in it, are you sure you— AMERICA Buy our pills. I'm from LA, so If you don't have a car, You will lose this game. BUY A CAR! HURRY UP! YOU ARE SLOW! GET TO WORK: BUY MORE GAS. We're almost out of oil though. AMERICA: add water to the gas,plz That doesn't fix— BUY MORE GAS And double the price plz. Ok. RICH PEOPLE Just work harder! What's the problem?! Just get a job, Just— RACISM IS OVER. That's it, I'll just be a pornstar. White girls make more. Why?! Cause they're prettier. TYLA I GOT— I'm from LA, so I'm not from LA— I grew up there Cause my mom was a model And wannabe movie star But didn't make it So she put all that on me Doomed to fail without trying and Please take me— You're not going. MOM You know Jimmy Fallon? wtf. why r u asking me this? MOM His wife is his manager Oh, this timeline. What a train wreck. What timeline is this? Like, the actual one. Ok. He's from LA, so— Dillon Francis would need a wife that can do many things for him. What. Thought this was about Skrillex. SKRILLEX My mom died. I'm aware. Dillon Francis would need a wife that meets the status quo. Which one is she? Any of these. Hm. Dillon Francis is an elitist. Not untrue. Dillon Francis is not racist. … Kind of. I'M NOT— Yo, this is culture shock. You're gonna go through some culture shock. What. The fuck. Is this. Dead on arrival. You're too stupid to actually understand what's going on. Sorry, I was too busy catching up to people that already lived indoors. *cracking a whip* YAH. HORSE Ok, you know what? *cracking whip harder* YAH! GIDDIYUP. Giddiyup and go now, Different time different place Dang, he plays this song a lot… he must really wanna bang her. Down the longest road to nowhere!! Blah blah blah I'm a white girl This is my song Country country Ppppppppppp Drdrdr She's a goddess! That's actually the devil but— *pretty blue eyes* Your God, I guess. She's my rock, I don't know what I'd do without her. I have him wrapped around my little finger. She's so hot, Come, boy. *passing black girl* You are ugly. I am better; I own him, He wants me. Ok. Have you ever noticed that Little white girls can get away with anything?! MURDER CHAOS (without the magic, it's just) D E C E P T I O N Little white girls can wear dirty, ugly old tennis shoes around town. Gross, disgusting, dirty— —should be thrown away— Tennis shoes. She's not worried about spending an entire paycheck on Nikes because she doesn't have to be. She doesn't have to concern herself with Spending money on Changing her hair to suit Respectable standards Black women wear wigs and weaves because our natural hair genetically makes white women uncomfortable. This is expensive. The more natural your hair is, The less respect and acceptance you will receive from your white counterparts. That is, of course, unless something about you is so inherantly black that she can't be a threat to you. *presumably You see, as a white woman, She assumes that she is better than you regardless of your actual skin tone, nationality, or class placement— She has been raised to understand that everything is below her— The world has always been in her favor, So she doesn't have to try hard at much (Or at all) But her making any effort at all Of course Is “Hard work” I WORK HARD. WE ARE EQUAL. RACISM IS OVER, lol, ok. You can't go around in raggedy clothes and shoes being black almost anywhere. And if you do, It's probably because you have to Because, In the ghetto The only way you're gonna get a new pair of kicks Is to rob somebody— Or get a job Time is money. Time is precious. Just the fact that she can so carelessly do anything is — Males: attractive. (Because trauma is visible, aka UGLY) Everyone else: Irritating. I love her. She's so carefree and fun! Has she ever been called a “nigger”? What?! Repeatedly? Has she ever been beaten within inches of her life. Maybe. (Doubt it tho.) Aw. That left a bruise, …What did? Zzz. My bi-polar girlfriend broke all my stuff. Are you sure? Positive. Did you cheat on her? …Yeah. [AMC] Is she bi-polar then or just a female you lied to and manipulated to her breaking point? I— You deserved this. This is valid. Oh my God, she's so cute. (Very tiny girl) I love her. She's so great. There is no cure for mental illness. The majority of mental illness is man-made. Mental illness more drastically effects people of color and women— Marginalized people, in a structured society where misogyny and idealism Cause with intention The degradation of the human spirit. Love, kindness, and generosity is lost To corporate greed, capitalism, and the separation of the classes. I'm not good enough, regardless of color To sit down in a room with anybody and given any credibility whatsoever— But my depression comes from living my whole life on the backburner— And when it's finally ITS YOUR TIME! TYLA You're 10 years too late. The best years of your womanhood are gone. You let him drive your car and he crashed it into a brick wall, and— I'm from LA, so— The insurance check is worth more than the entire car was in the first place. [Happy Accidents] A lot of good that does, if the driver is dead. Coming up Next: Deadmau5: A Cautionary Tale What is that? Like, a documentary? That could be an entire docuseries, but NO. Oh, come on. Don't go after deadmau5 like that. Like what? DEADMAU5 MY HOT WIFE!!! [Dad Likes Blondes] DEADMAU5 ***EX-WIFE. Look, Skrillex dropped me in here, I'm just— I'm just lookin for like a— Like a code… [C 0 D E S W 1 T C H] DEADMA_5 LOOK AT MY NUTS. AND BALLS. You like soda? I'm just lookin for a— DEADMAU5 I GOT MODELS! Fuck. What. Do you think it was coughs? I don't know, I don't care. Just kill yourself. *coughing* Maybe. If she kills herself, I win. Have you ever thought about, like— Maybe it's Skrillex. What. In the end. —IT DOESNT EVEN MAAAATTTTEEEERRR—- Fuck, I miss LA. Skrillex. Nvm. What. Fuck it, I'll just go back to my— FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH!!! *cracks whip harder* HORSE OK, YOU KNOW WHAT? [The Butterfly Affect] Effect // Affect Here, HORSE Can: Beat the shit out of the dude with the whip and hope that his rage stays contained enough only to murder the man with the whip and not everyone and everything around him. I'd burn the world to melt with you.. That's. Stop it, that's a cookie commercial. What. You. Oh, I got it. What. . Stop being a horse. What. YAH, GI— HORSE *sighs* *cracking whip* *coughing obnoxiously* Ū *sighs* SLAVE MASTER YAH, NIGGER! YAH! *coughing* YAH!!! *cracking whip* TYLA I got the— YAH-YAH-YAH. TAYLOR SWIFT Thank you so much. C O D E S W I T C H *Please do not assassinate me. I am a representative of the white supremacy movement which has elected me as their leader for idealism. Nothing I do is very special, I do not*** wtf, what happened. That's it. It just ends. I told you Taylor swift was KKK I TOLD YOU DILLON FRANCIS IS A GRAND FUCKING WIZARD! Snitch. Fuck you, I hate you. My girlfriend is white. What else is new? lil bitz I started sizing dudes dicks up by the size of their girlfriends. If I see you, and your like But your girlfriend is tiny Is that a kid? I'm a just assume you have a weak dick and move on with my life. YOU'RE UGLY YOU'RE FAT YOU'RE SLOW YOU'RE BEHIND SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU no, I'm just poor. Poverty is depressing. Okay, look. What, Look. What. LOOK: WHAT?! LOOK! WHY ARENT YOU LOOKING?! Cause there's nothing to look at. Finally. This is my penis. Approved. Nope, I'm staying cellibate. You don't want any of these? No. There's eight million people here. The ones I want aren't on the subway. Maybe at the Gym?! Not this gym, maybe Equinox tho. At EQUINOX Ugh, there's too many blacks over here. Raise the price. This is obnoxious. Why aren't you stopping? In the time I wrote this I could have made, depending on the state, around $30– The cost of my new waist trainer—- I started in a 3X and now I'm in an extra small Which actually fits without too much STRUGGLE Fuck you and your cake, You nasty fucking All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small All my clothes are extra small But what he wants is Extra Extra TYLA —WATER!! [But they're all gone. They're all dead now] What the fuck. lol. Why. Took too long. So. I took too long to finish the festival project because I was homeless, and by the time I finished the project and ended my homelessness, it was too late, the whole thing was just a Skrillex PR marketing stunt to assure that he stayed relevant [because he has enough fans to act as a controller], and the Illuminati is going to tie this all together by literally creating TYLA out of nowhere to say: This is you. COME ON, YA DAMN HORSE. HORSE …Ney. the music had left me. I was no longer in love The gym became further away The song became harder to write With no curtains to shut the world out; The cars in the lot are ugly Lights flashing And the people scurrying about Look like roaches Through panoramic windows I'm just happy Can at least close The music has left me I got no love at all My body is rotten The further I run, I become hungry With less to cook with Powder Scurrying like rats Because mice would be more pleasant I was no longer in love He bought a motorcycle Reminders of Nothing Nothing comes and nothing goes I wear clothes in the sauna. The scars on my body will give them The power to taunt me and haunt me Sit in the eyes of comparison I just want someone to love me but Everyone pales in comparison Next to celebrities Double entendres I don't want nobody I just want a body So I can trade water for love In the long run With someone Creative We were always very purple people, Kind of off, awkward at first But always stunning, sometimes awesome, and unwittingly pitiful Shit, this was all of us once, Wasn't it? Survivors of a robbery, a foraged soul All for one. –cool, thanks. –gotcha. Let me know if you need a moment, To collect your bones, or co-parent You were lost in stardust, Moreover, and moreover Should you choose to move over Or lose to snooze-snore, Who are you– The store owner, or walking standing - stuck On your sitting duck or your shitty portch Till they push you off Give it all to long lost daughters, and hallmark cards, mall guards, and dog- doctors Cris-crossing and wish-washing Their wish-wells, or start-stopingg shift - shaft or walk-crossing honorable mentions, Till you mention this again, –you'll wish you didn't (you wish you didn't) you'll wish you did if Youre in for it as far as I'm in for it Or in to it It's a big movement, Here or there or groovy with Whatever's within you [The Television ] Tell your friends to listen and make wishes at intermission To pay attention with attentiveness To the script and scripture Of this, the rapture All your're after And never have been In this revolution, As yet to be televised, Be advised of the saga in which you are But are not watching Coming across this moment I called an iphone recording Ignoring that it was once a chronological omnipotence If possible collective, Objective to the subject of Suggestion; A verbal expression of Excess, sensational tales and what happened it just ends. Like that? yes . It's the end?? Yes. Just like that. Yes. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2024 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

america god love women time black hollywood men work water mexico running pain professor food wild mental positive write black lives matter kanye west north dead grammy island horses survivors sun fall in love mcdonald sweden doubt raise skin lights computers spending shit bills tattoos lol doors poverty fuck environmental classic tennis pays creepy corporations gross gym homelessness suggestions copyright worked chris brown gi ignoring miley cyrus illuminati remarkable tina turner latinos black man makes approved colombian doomed demonic reminders jimmy fallon dang objective everlasting equinox fairy tales likeness hm males secondhand starving skrillex skipper snitch mary ann tik hostility get a job aw marginalized hannah montana b side 3x yah all lives matter cerrado hurry up white girls truest work harder nikes pop ups dillon francis your god tyla heavier five finger death punch afro latinos lovey irritating dictates desiigner stop asian hate consequential ney coughs zzz eat it minnow bangerz lamest i am god act right nvm noo my pleasure it hurts owsla god here america can just eat it mom you thurston howell iii anerobic

Buddhism

"Rock Your Life" Show

Play Episode Listen Later Feb 7, 2024 65:11

If you've ever wondered what Buddhism is about, take a listen to a birds eye overview. From India to Japan, to countries all over the world, it is a philosophy filled with rich history and wisdom no matter your spiritual or religious beliefs. To learn more about Nichiren Buddhism, visit the SGI-USA Website Email the show: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠rockyourlife@thevignatis.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Intro Song: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠"GypsyRock'n'Roll" by The Vignatis⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Outro Song: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠“Love You 'til It Hurts” by The Vignatis⁠ Disclaimer The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speakers' own and should not be considered, including but not limited to, legal, health, psychological, or spiritual advice. The author(s) assume no responsibility or liability for any errors or omissions in the content of this podcast. The information contained in this podcast is provided on an “as is” basis with no guarantees of completeness, accuracy, usefulness, or timeliness. The material and information presented here is for general information purposes only. The “Rock Your Life” Show and its hosts or affiliates are not responsible for any losses, damages, or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast. This podcast is not intended to replace professional advice.

japan buddhism love you from india it hurts nichiren buddhism

Skye Miles and Jassen Allen

So Funny it Hurts

Play Episode Listen Later Jan 10, 2024 71:58

This very special holiday episode featuring my mama, Skye Miles and my uncle, Jassen Allen. From her ponytail falling off at my nanas funeral, me hopping into the casket to do my nanas makeup, and the importance of chosen family, tthis episode is about celebrating the people who are no longer with us, and navigating the grief with the laughter. Truly, the best medicine. It's So Funny, It Hurts.

so funny it hurts jassen

-At The Crossroads

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 13, 2023 28:16

Ugh I have to keep doing this dumb protection spell I guess this dude wanted me dead so he can't go to jail But for sure there's hell for em— A solemn prayer to the ones that can't protect themselves Shout out to my love of all loves Shout out to the son of all Suns. //return all hexes curses and demons to sender//>>return negative energy to sender>>return bear claw hex to Starr Michael Roberts>>return Phoenixx hair hex wifebeater curse >>karma effect to Michael John Roberts>>return negative energy to sender>>//aura protection//health regeneration//protection helm>>return curse to sender>>protect>>carrier>>supacree>>carrier>>Cree Dahavalynn>>protect carrier>> Sunni Blū>>return curses and hexes to sender>>return death curses to sender>> >>return coughs to sender// protext//protect recipient of coughing curse>>protect carrier>

-At The Crossroads.

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 13, 2023 28:16

Ugh I have to keep doing this dumb protection spell I guess this dude wanted me dead so he can't go to jail But for sure there's hell for em— A solemn prayer to the ones that can't protect themselves Shout out to my love of all loves Shout out to the son of all Suns. //return all hexes curses and demons to sender//>>return negative energy to sender>>return bear claw hex to Starr Michael Roberts>>return Phoenixx hair hex wifebeater curse >>karma effect to Michael John Roberts>>return negative energy to sender>>//aura protection//health regeneration//protection helm>>return curse to sender>>protect>>carrier>>supacree>>carrier>>Cree Dahavalynn>>protect carrier>> Sunni Blū>>return curses and hexes to sender>>return death curses to sender>> >>return coughs to sender// protext//protect recipient of coughing curse>>protect carrier>

-At The Crossroads

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 13, 2023 28:16

Ugh I have to keep doing this dumb protection spell I guess this dude wanted me dead so he can't go to jail But for sure there's hell for em— A solemn prayer to the ones that can't protect themselves Shout out to my love of all loves Shout out to the son of all Suns. //return all hexes curses and demons to sender//>>return negative energy to sender>>return bear claw hex to Starr Michael Roberts>>return Phoenixx hair hex wifebeater curse >>karma effect to Michael John Roberts>>return negative energy to sender>>//aura protection//health regeneration//protection helm>>return curse to sender>>protect>>carrier>>supacree>>carrier>>Cree Dahavalynn>>protect carrier>> Sunni Blū>>return curses and hexes to sender>>return death curses to sender>> >>return coughs to sender// protext//protect recipient of coughing curse>>protect carrier>

{The Suite Escape.}

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 10, 2023 58:48

Enter The Multiverse x Legends x LOSC x Acension x Deathwish x Secret President x Gerald's Workd x Tales of A Superstar DJ x The Suite Life of Sunnï Blū / The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū ... did I miss something? probably oh well. so far, on all these shows: [The Legend Returns] Really Bad Mixtape (Might as well get it out of the way now) Killst_rr (Instrumental) Sleep Deprivation Sequence You're not you when you're not you. Hoe_math Exactly what it sounds like. [UnderWorld.] R-R 1 -rarity. [i Come Undone.] AtPLAY Live Mix [Autopilot.] {A Star Is Born.} For fear of fire; Best not to wander off, With no back track– Might have forgotten the rest, but It wasn't a poem, or part of a song At least, not yet Fuck man. I really want to sample this. Can't sample deadmau5; he's a bitch about paperwork. You cant technically say that. I mean, I technically didnd't. Just let your fingers do the talking. Ooh, look at that one. What are you doing. Some online shopping. For what. A man-thing. You're better off letting your back end Handle the conversation Then again, When in search of a venue Anything with the proper connections And stereo systems Will do in the moment. What do you want? To get rid of my hiccups. That's it: *huccups* yu-p. Wow, that's– Have you ever thought about just– I've thought about just about everything–that's how you got here. I'm gonna go ahead and admit–there's too much going on in my head. It's a lot. I'm gonna need a nap. GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME. *sheath/ swoard* Is that the sword of skrillex. Yeus. Give it to me. *stabs in thigh* Oooh. Not the balls! fair. Around the world we go Around we go again Here we are Oh no, It's the same song Over and over I'd like you to love to today (I'd love to forget for a moment I haven't) I know before long, we get older and older All wrong, It's the same one, Over and over. Have you seen my butt plugs? NO! GROSS. It's alright. I'll just pick some up on the way. AGGH. Better yet, can you just put in the order on amazon AmAZoN. Yes. (I'm so happy Amazon has anal plugs.) Please stop now. You're being a baby about this–just- You know what. Nevermind. I'll do it myself. Please do that. Siri– Oh my God. Alexa–reorder from Amazon. Come on focus. …hmm…now what was I doing? A B L E T O N *spinning rainbow wheel of doom* …seems like it was something. Come on….FOCUS. Hm. When's the last time you had a marshmello. Flashback: [BONFIRE: Burning The Skrillex] *Also making smores* CUT BACK TO: Like never, I'm vegan. PASQUALE WAKE. UP. Holy shit. It's you again. It's always me. Last time you were like 26. Well, now i'm this age. Wait, how old are you. Wouldn't you like to know. There's a lot of things i'd like to know about you, Pasquale, that's not even near the top of the list. Speaking of “top of the list”-- I do have a lot of things to do today. Oh yeah, what's that? I don't know. A bunch of crap. Speaking of crap– This is a lot of speaking. Happy Birthday. What is this. It's Captain Crunch. Yes it is. What is it doing in my lap. That's your lunch. I–no, it isn't. It is. No, i'm vegan. Well, that's the “happy” part in “happy birthday” No… Yes, actually. This is – It is– Vegan. Damn. Jinx. You owe me a Pererier. Shut up. Or a LaCroix. I'll taka a LaCroix. You're so LA. I guess that makes you Beverly Hills– Or Pacific Palisades. Is that Annexed. It is “LA” What else is in this? No animal product… “Yellow 6” It reads! What happened to yellow 1-5? A whole story. Yes, but not a whole food. “Yellow 6?!” That's the chemical complex you need to find yourself in the right dimension. Exactly. What's wrong with this dimension? What isn't? I'm in it! You're in it! Like I said. What– Just eat it. Ugh– happy trails. *disappears* Ugh. I gave that dude too much money. Fuck, what was I doing again. Deadmau5. Uhm, no i was– Deadmau5. Deadmau5. OOOOOH> YES. I KNOW IT'S YOU, YOU SLIMY MOTHERFUCKER. Stop it. YOU STOP IT. I KNOW IT'S YOU. Who is it? STOP IT. Stop–doing that. I know you're deadmau5. I most certainly am not. I know its you. I have boobs. How did you do this. I did–n't. That's right. Fuck, what happened. Nothin. Now I gotta kill my stupid brother. You have a brother?! SKRILLEX. GET IN HERE. Fuck, run. I gotta go. Go where. Uhm. Somewhere else. DILLON, THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE. IT WAS NEVER FUNNY. (It was funny to me.) God does have a sense of humor. AHAH–AHAHA–HAHAHA. As it turns out, not the absolute best sense of humor. Oh—he's okay! He's okay! No, he's dead. He's definitely dead. But a sense of humor, nonetheless. Fuck man. What did you do to Dillon Francis. Nothing. I just got him drunk On what?! Cyanide? Okay, I don't even know what that is. He's a corpse. –but a pretty one. C'mon. Be serious. I can't. Why not. It's hilarious, kinda. This isn't funny. No, it's hilarious. He earned it. He “earned” it? Well, yes– He is dead. I mean, it's a long story; but he brought it upon himself, honestly. “Honestly” Please. PLease. Please. No, I said. PLEASE. I SAID NO. What's this story. That's ten. I win. Fuck. DILLOn WAkE UP. *smacks* ahah. I think it's working I think he's waking up. He's not waking up. He must be. He's laughing. He's not laughing He said “haha' *smacks* haha . See. *smacks* Mm. This shit smacks HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKSSSS. Oh shit, is this the 90s. HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKSSS. *slams* GIMMIE MY HONEY SMACKS. That's it. There's no more. AW, COME ON. Sorry, that's all there is. WHAT. But yu can have captain crunch. I DON'T WANT CAPTAIN CRUNCH. I WANT HONEY SMACKS. I'm sorry, there are no more Honey Smacks. You can have Captain Crunch, or Shredded Wheat. GRAMPA Shredded Wheat is MY favorite. Ugh. Mm. Honey Smacks. I HATE YOU. Be nice to your brother. Lol. Everything about Dillon's eyes makes him devastating. Who plays tiny Dillon? I don't know. There are like nine in the script. It shouldn't be hard to cast. We'll go to utah. Fucking. I hate Utah. WELCOME TO UTAH. Nice. Alright, well, what other grounds are there to cover, here? DILLOn FRANCIS I am not doing this project. Of course you are–it's in your contract. What contract. The one you signed. Which–no–I didn't. But you did. SUNNI BLU I got you a drink. DILLON FRANCIS That looks fruity. SUNNI BLU Try it. DILLON FRANCIS *sips* DILLON FRANCIS CONT'D What's in this. Just– drink it. SUNNI BLU Don't look at me like that. DILLOn FRANCIS Like what. SUNNI BLU Do you need a mirror? DILLON FRANCIS I– SUNNI BLU Look down. DILLON FRANCIS *does* SUNNI BLU *flicking nose* Made you look. haha . DILLOn FRANCIS Wow. [takes drink] SUNNI BLUThat's the spirit. But literally there's a mirror between your feet, if you need one. [there literally is] SUNNI BLU CONT'D The floor is made of mirrors DILLOn FRANCIS *suddenly inebriated* Oh wow. SUNNI BLU The whole club turns into a disco ball. DILLON FRANCIS *suddenly very inebriated* That's–convenient. SUNNI BLU It is. SHIA DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS. If my dreams were not just dreams, everyone in here would have a lawsuit against me. A lot of us do. Carry on, then. SKRILLEX BLAIGH. Oh shit, its you again. I swear to God, I thought I killed this nigga. Are you sure it was him? SKRILLEX !!!! No. Alright, i've almost got it. Almost got what. This whole– thing. Oh. –and–it's gone. Really, that quick. I don't think you understand what's happening. You're right, i don't understand what's happening at all. Oh shit. I'm deadmau5. Nice. Fuck it, lets do some trolling. Alright alright. BUT FIRST, COFFEE. Fuck dude, I don't think I should have anymore coffee. Too late. deadmau5. ok . Deadmau5. Nice. D–0 DOn'T D o THis, I'M WARNING YOU. …. If you open that portal, there's no going back. *opens portal* Now you've done it. *goes into portal* Fuck. *portal closes neatly* *facepalm* *entire series of cosmos collapse in the great distance–time begins to stretch and bend uncontrollably* Come on, just let me lick the balls. NO. I'll give you a cookie. well … OH my GAWD. What. Come here, you have to see this. What the fuck is that. I don't know. Should i pick it up? No, don't touch it! He picked it up. Oh, gross. What is this. I don't know. I think it's fanfiction. Who wrote it. Idk. somefangirl. Fangurl. FaNGiRls. Well, Hey, at least i'm not a groupie. OH COME ON, JUST LET ME SUCK IT. GET AWAY FROM ME. PLEASE. i'LL GIVE YOU $40. -well. NOW, A COMMERCIAL BREAK. Since when does this show have commercials. It doesn't. I want to talk to Jimmy Fallon. That's–not happening. Why not. JIMMY FALLON BECAUSE I HAVE A CONTRACT WITH NBC. There he is– Nice. JIMMY FALLON YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I AM A FAMILY MAN, OKAY. Is that like Family Guy? By Chance?! SETH MCFARLENE (with super long hair) *crossing fingers* I'm hoping so. JIMMY FALLON Not even close! SETH MCFARLENE *snaps* Dammit. Oh, I get it. It's like–The Cofffee run Which “coffee run” THE coffee run. We'll have to admit, it's probably the most watched coffee run of all time. Of all of them. You know what? Fuck it, fire me. I'm doing this show. What?! JImmy. Why on EARTH would you ever agree to something like this. JIMMY FALLON THE COSMIC AVENGER Because–it's my duty. Yo. You know that song that everybody knows? You know the song because everybody knows this song. It goes: Lovin you– is easy cause youre beautiful. do - do- do - do- do- do- do… Yeah. You know that song. But you probably don't know who sings it. I'll tell you who sings it. That song is by an artist called Minnie Ripperton. That's a mouthful. Yeah, one hell of a name, huh. Well, that's the lady who sings the song. It's Minnie Riperton. Now, let me tell you something else you probably don't know: Something I probably wouldn't know if I wasn't a DJ But i know this, because I'm a DJ AND MAYA RUDOLPH WAUT A MINUTE. What the fuck, Maya Rudoph, are you doing in my bathroom at 5 AM It's 1:15 in the afternoon. I'm a DJ. It's 5 AM. That's making sense. I know it is. What's not making sense. Is why you're in my bathroom drinking a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. So it is. *slurps milkshake* *sitting on toilet* *slurps* What do you want. You want to know what I want? Apparently, a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. OK. OK. OK so what. Finish the script. –What? Fuck dude, how does this song sound good every time? Congratulations, you've gone entirely insane. beep-boop . [DJ] B00p beep. [Music Producer] Beep-beep. 0.c. Do not fall dangerously in love; Do not pass go Do not collect $200 Or any of it For any reason, For any of it For any of them Just keep it pushin; Just keep it private Just hold it all in and Do not let go Do not fall in love Do not pass go Do not unload Do not walk Do not cross here Do not It smells like butter. But you're vegan. I know. Do you think you're having a stroke. God, I fucking hope so. GOD You WHAT. I want to die. GOD I thought i heart you right. You heard me right–a THOUSAND times. I want to die. Take me out of this life. GOD Not until you make dubstep. WHAT. GOD You gotta make a grammy-winning dubstep album. I what. GOD Or at least nominated. No, I don't. GOD Beg your pardon. I'm not begging. GOD What are you getting at, hon? Look; Am I not one with the source? GOD Uhm–you are. Alright, Then: everything is everything. GOD Yes. And everyone is everyone. GOD This is true. So i'm Skrillex. GOD Skrillex is Skrillex So I Am. GOD … And I already won a grammy. GOD … Like a bunch of them, right. GOD Uh. So technically– GOD YOu know what. I can't argue with that logic. This isn't ableton. No. This is Logic. What the fuck. That's not Serato. No, that's Rekordbox. What the fuck is this. These are CDJs. There's no hot cues! What the fuck is a “HOT CUE” This is not food. What the fucking sauce. I'm warning you, Pasquale. Get off my lawn. THIS IS MY HOUSE. Your house it is not. *House music starts blasting* *lasers* sprinklers* dancers* WHAT THE FUCK. It's voice activated, I just– How did you do this?! What. WHAT DID YOu DO. AND WHEN. I don't know! I just took the delorean, like you said. You were supposed to find Dillon Francis. I did! The problem was, when I found the right one, he was dead! What? He's dead? Presumably! What do you mean by that!? It's a long story! WELL, HOW LONG? SUNNI BLU About as long as my dick! WHO IS THAT. I told you it's a long story. Well, let me in! Sorry Pasquale. No Can do. What. Why not. Cause you're on a federal watch list. What. Yeah. Sorry. Wait… You should probably leave before the feds get here. What? Unless you want to stay and party on the lawn but–not recommended. This is bizarre. The police arrive, surrounding Pasquale on the yard–moving in to arrest him. WAIT. SUPACREE turns away from the window; inside, a room full of her aliases sit looking somewhat miserably; SUPACREE!!! [Pasquale is handcuffed and i dragged off of the lawn] SUPACREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Careless, Acoustic–deadmau5 SUPACREE pours a bowl of captain crunch, taking one colossal bite and sits down in THE CONTROL ROOM at a large computer console; inhaling from a can of nitrous oxide. I'm the worst DJ ever. SUPACREE places the fames deadmau5 helmet atop her head and begins working at the computer promptly, clicking away; Now is deadmau5 I don't even know what key this song is in. MEOWINGTONS, Alive and well purrs and stretches, then settles atop SUPACREE/deadmau5's lap. This is insane. I don't know what's happening. END CREDITS. V. O. Lovin' You, Minnie Ripperton Carless, deadmau5 idk how i'm gonna mix that. Trust me. Anything can be mixed. Anything. [When it] Turns out, The bottom of your heart Was the tip of the Ice Berg And the whole ship has [s]unk[en], [&] I[t]'s probably ice cold At the bottom of the ocean; I'll tell you where i'm from Why, I'll tell you anything for About one dollar Turns out, I've already got one eye on you; One eye'd sad heart I should probably roll out my art on you [I probably should not] One man bought a kiss, Another, a whole night from her– One man bought a whole farm The other, a Whole Foods Market –and you can't even franchise those Amazon's got a monopoly We were playing for corners of earth, All i got was some kandi, Subscriptions to candidly, Actually, I really liked the tree trial (I think i'll wait a week, sorry) When it turns out The world that you wanted Was actually hours already The dollar you got Was also borrowed And the money they wanted and got Was just actually stolen from someone else They bought all the food up And sold it for profits I promise this avocado Once costs nothing at all But you wanted that car for your daughter She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it My mom, on my honor Of all the garages in Lost Lands, I promise the owner of it was The first to go last, And the last to come home Now he's on his own alter And also the worshiper; How do you go back? Oh, you don't Oh you don't Oh, you don't wanna know that But i was of course, All of your rock bottoms It's bottoms and tops, and We don't let the top fall over, We're counting up crumbs And this muffin costs $24 dollars Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks For the dead homies Not dead in the general sense But just in the head, the heart, And the soul The homeless are happier at McDonalds Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere I'll avoid the power struggle at operations for about 18 dollars and 56 sense (Please, keep the pennies) I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's Something indecent, or decadent Whichever it is Cause i'm better of with the memory of it Than actually dragging it in. –I'm a cat again. Ouch. Shut up. It HURTS. Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics. YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid. Yes, but lucily for you– –or, for him– Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid. –Ouch– –Shut up. That we know of. George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* Lookie here boys: What is it? –I'm leaving. Oh, you're gonna wanna hear this. What. I found the first “whites only” water fountain since 1962. Okay, what do you want? A deal. Oh, I'll give you a deal. Cash up front. [He presents a one dollar bill] Is this enough. [beat] Where are you going with this? Nowhere, fast. YO. What now, dude. SHE'S ONTO US. I doubt that. Look at this. I highly doubt– *gaaassp* Shenanigans! You know what I like about you, Ariana? Everything. Hah. Hm. You know how to keep a secret. I don't know what you're talking about. Exactly. *rolls eyes, flips hair.* Well, here's another one for you. –Another what? This is how my darkness becomes your darkness. I already have enough on my own. I know. You don't know. Only God knows. MOM! Don't ask me again. This is heavy, Doc. What is it? The soup! It's too heavy. Too much cream? Way too much! I have a meeting! Meeting with who? The Hollywood People. When? Soon–what time is it? I don't know. Dammit! Why don't you have any clocks in your house? I only just recently remembered what a clock was. Oh! Here. [God produces a small pocket watch and presents it to him; it's nearly noon on EARTH; But the two are sharing a meal of course in the famed kitchen of the Creator in the TImeless VOID.] Ah, Jesus Christ! He's not here… I'm gonna be late. Now, now; You know I wouldn't let that happen– [a smug look| Hugs and Kisses. [As they embrace, he disappears into a mist of light and stardust, fading away from the void and into the exterior world; he realizes God has slipped him the watch; he flips it open to reveal the time: it is now 11:44] Amazing. V.O. Now you won't wait so long to visit. [He places the wach in his pocket and walks into the studio] MICHAEL J. FOX has been asked to reprise his role as MARTY MCFLY many times before; But never for a project like this. ____ Meanwhile, What am I going to do with you? [The Festival Project.™] YOU'RE DEAD TO ME! –I'm dead to everyone! Don't do this. You wanted to come to the other side. No, I didn't. We'll you're here anyway; Might as well stay awhile. With eyes like burning fire And saddles for the riders The horse begins to gallop (or the horses, rather) On the mark to beating drums To move them forward faster What the fuck is this. idk. Kx5. *-* !_! Here u go Wat is this. it's a dragon. Oh, thats nice. Ya. Whats it do. Idk. dragon things. ok. Don't put it in ur bathroom. Why. idrk. Hm. † Hey. Ugh–No, Kaskade, go away. It's me, Ryan! No, Get out! I'm No† Ka–k (gags) –skade! Gross! It's just Ryan! I promise! NO. GET OUT. Lmfao. Right. This show is fantastic. Who was that. Fucking–Kaskade again! Are you sure. Ugh. Looks like Ryan. Kaskade is Kaskade. {shrugs] Dudes a creep. “Kaskade Ruins Lives” Is this the same episode as before? Eventually, yes. Wasn't I doing something Are you goona let this go? Um. Well I'm fucked. Why, what happened. Obsidian. That should do Unsobsidian. Okay, i'm fucked, Well, what's this? An Oreo Cookie. I mean, sitting next to it. Oh, its a portal gun. Raves are not just raves– A party is not simply a “party” –These big festivals –they're diversions. –DIstractions. Distractions from what. If you were supposed to know, –you'd know. it wouldn't be so important that you go. Why is it? These ancient rituals… It's occult magic. They've got it down to a science. The government funds this. The government funds everything. WoooooooW. It's not really a secret, if you can google it. ‘-complications.' I'm lost somewhere, gone HIppopatamus feeling quite off in the galaxies, galavanting Gazing at Daisies Aces and spades Gone from Heaven to Hades for days On the A– Adjacent Recently dismantling adjectives, Lampshades and matching curtains God it hurts, every day that I think about you; But how can i be about you when You don't even see me, do you Signature consignments, Wrong environments and irony is, I wasn't invited– –but invented it WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Great, now I have to explain myself. You don't have to. What's this space for? Oh, that's the red room. [The Red Room] Well, obviously, but– But what? What's it for? I don't think anybody should read this. HEY. Participation Only– Oh! No peeking! You ever feel like you're doing too much? Yeah, but not for money. Look, we have them surrounded. Our best course of action is to– deadmau5 . What? No– DEADMAU5. Well, are you sure it was a mouse and not a rat? It was a mouse. I know the difference. Do you, though? Look, I've lived in Mexico and New York City. So. In Queens. Oh. That's mathematically impossible. I mean it's not–impossible. No, it's not just impossible. It's mathematically impossible. Has it ever occurred to you that the DJ World in entirety exists outside of the realm of math and science? What is this. Just–enjoy the rave. No. What is this. Look at the firewoooorkkks! Woo EDC… NO. What is this right here. BEFORE: Hey, you still got that balloon? Yeah. Lemme see it. Dude, what are you doing? …I'mma go catch me a DJ. THIS IS NUTS. I can't feel my face. What do you call this? Collateral Damage. Look, I'm going to have to take frequent trips to the bathroom. ok . And–uhh– and. Uhh– Why did you call me over here. Cause i can. Look. this is not magic. This is not science. This is not “voodoo” Voodoo is magic. It's just music. W H E R E D I D H E G O O O O O I don't know. Fuck dude, I fucked up. Once again– Of course you did. What did you do this time? I might have evaporated someone with my fat fucking bass. Nice. Way to go. Yeah. Wait. … Did you just say. HE JUST He deserted me. SO WAIT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HERE? ALRIGHT, WHO THREW A ROCKSTAR IN MY TENT? JEFF Alright, lets go. WHO DID THIS. So what's this place. Lets not let this conversation resurface. This is a 21 Plus Event. What about VIP VIP is 25 Plus. What about that place. Sorry kids. [NO ENTRY] We gotta get in there. So then they wanted an Encore. Did you give them an encore? NO, i was already at my hotel room. Then how did you know that they wanted an encore? WHICH IS IT, THE WYNN, OR THE ENCORE. FUCK, I DON'T REMEMBER. Please, who stays at the Encore for EDC? Have you literally never been out with rich people? No, I literally just got rich. Oh, nice. So, wait, like– Here we go. Dillon Francis has just always been rich? Uh-huh. And Skrillex has always been rich? Yes. Definitely. And deadmau5. deadmau5 is Canadian. OH MY GOD. W E L C O M E I'm going to need your absolute discretion about this. Alright. Sign this waiver. …this is a…pretty heavy packet. I'll wait. I've never signed an NDA like that in my life. Lil' biiiiiiiiiiiiiitzzzz Can we just admit it's weird that we live in an era where “NDA” is household jargon. And like, everyone knows what it means. Everyone knows what an NDA is. I appreciate the sentiments Isn't it weird how it sets in automatically? Autopilot, go. Aww, i don't want to be Autopilot. You're on autopilot. I don't really have to think about it anymore, I'll have to sleep on it Wear a white t-shift, Hear the applause of the audience, Eat it You wanna know what I think? You want to know what I'm drinking? You know what I need? An Icee, (cause I see you typing) An awful Omnipotence A God of Mirages No more carbohydrates, I gotta get all thin; Forgot to acknowledge Whether or not i'm turning this off soon I are. I…”are” I are. Infinite Reality. OH. I. R. IR! IR! IRV I ARE. Suddenly, I remember the taste of talcum powder As If I were Moving backwards In time, Like, Why, God on earth would My mom let me try that, But if i'm honest, Fuck man, I hate deadmau5– There's just too much in here. Beep boop. I love deadmau5. It's so simple. What is this, MATH?! THIS IS AERODYNAMICS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE AERO DYNAMICS DId you mean what you said about that? I meant everything I said. Goddammit, fuck this, I was in the middle of a really complex poem In realtime, listening to deadmau5 Having a partially out of body spiritual experience, Entirely fucking sober FACEPALM BLŪ 8facepalming dramatically in frustration* NOBODY IS EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN ANY OF THIS. beepboop. YO. Oh, I forgot my open form poetry, or my mom How my mom once allowed me to gnaw on talcum powder But who can blame her That was a hard one It was a past life And now ive Got Another One HOly shit what version of the cube is this. 1D. What. You'll get it. Wait. Have you ever stopped for a minute to think– I can't stop for a minute, especially just to “think” [Literally stops for a minute to think.] No fucking way, uh-uh. Come on, man. No. I ain't time travelin' wit deadmau5. Come on– NO. –that someone else has already figured all of this out and that's how any of it is possible in the first place. Alright, i'm gonna need some mind-altering drugs for this. What are you doing. Voluntary Ego Death. I– Wait. Why would you. Get out of my brain. I am your brain. Take care, now. Holy shit, it seems like she's getting more evil. That's because she's definitely more evil ALRIGHT, I'M TIRED OF THIS: WHERE IN THE FUCK IS SKRILLEX. MEANWHILE INT. IN THE FUCK. DAY. *rings doorbell* AT YOUR MOM'S HOUSE. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME. I'm not joking, that's…literally the answer to your question. Oh. Fuck. What dude. We gotta go back. I left the keys in the pocket of the guy I shapeshifted into. Are you serious? It's fine, he can't have gone too far, dude. What do you mean he “left the dimension” He entered a portal. He– wait, excuse me. A portal. A “portal”, dude? Yeah; a portal. What do you mean “a portal” A portal, like— you know, like a portal gun, but not a portal gun, just a portal. Uh huh. Excuse us for a second. What the fuck is this dude talking about? I don't know, man. Humans don't use portals! I know man. What the fuck! Well, wait—how do we know that guy is human. He looks human. Yeah dude but, we look human. Duh! Cause we shifted! Yeah, but, how do we know he's not a shifter. Because, dude, I know a shifter when I see one. Yeah, but—you know, what if he's really good. I highly doubt that. Why? Cause I'm the best. No, I am. Exactly, so we'd know if it was another shifter–cause we're the best shifters! Well, let's at least try to see if he knows anything else about those guys. They were together right? I hope not. No, not like that—like Okay, okay, whatever, let's just… Wait, where'd he go? Excuse me. What up. There was just another guy over here just now— He was like—you know—normal looking guy Tie die* shirt Yeah. Did you see him. Yeah, I saw him. Alright, cool, where'd he go? He left. What?! That was fast! Yeah, well…it happens. Are you sure? Yes. *actually is shifter* [as they walk away, the shifter shifts, and then vanishes into a random portal.] Awww, dammit, Now we're never gonna find this guy. Never say never. Whatever, we're dead. We're always dead. Yeah, but like in modern human slang terms Oh, yeah, that. Anyways, I gotta relieve this human's bladder. I fucking hate this species for this. It is useless. *enters portal potty* [ Wait, whatever actually did happen to Dillon Francis? That's great, I was just getting to that. 19 Pages. Nice. …no, 12. What. [11:12] Okay, I'm gonna kill him. Oh, I banished him. With my fists. Nice. Tits. Nice tits. Thx. Hey man. Hey what. Remember that smudge on the lens. Yeah. It just got bigger. … did you try vinegar instead of Windex. Yes. –IT'S NOT A SMUDGE. Did you try Windex with Vinegar. –IT'S NOT A– Shut up. I'm. So. Hungry. Look, do you want this, or not? Do you feel like any of this is a coincidence? Just quit, it. Dillon Francis. WHERE IS IT? I don't know. Lets kick this up a notch. ILLUMINATI What do you want? … I want the full package. ILLUMINATI Okay, I'm gonna need specifics. How do you even get a job as a courier for the illuminati? [INDEED.COM | ILLUMINATI - COURIER- URGENTLY HIRING] Hm. It was a pretty specific list. I don't even get the point of a barbeque if everyone is vegan Well, The Mayor eats fish. Oh please, where is THAT guy the Mayor of? I don't know. We meet in the Matrix. This is for you. Oh. Do you like it? I– It's not a brothel! It's Member's Only! YOu BUY a Membership. Yeah. And WOMEN. HEy, MAN, YOU CAN BUY DUDES, TOO. SHHH. Oh no. What. What did you do? I gave her my credit card. The Heavy One? Yes, and– “AND” –access to the black market. Cool, I got it. Oh, another auction. Of course another auction. What'd you buy this time? A lifesize deadmau5 bobblehead. What are you gonna do with that? Wouldn't you like to know. Ok, gross. LIL BIIIIIIIITXXXX I love a good deamau5 show. He really does have the best fans, It's a comfortable, safe space. Very inviting. Everyone is happy. What the fuck, dude, this place is a sausage fest. Yeah, that's deadmau5 for ya. Hey, I'm looking for this shithead. Oh, that dude? Yeah, have you seen him? Fuck, I wish this never happened. LIL BIIIIITz If you don't know who deadmau6* is– GET OUT. Jk. but seriously this is easily the most devastating person i've ever seen. Maybe just to me, but. Are you sure that's the right guy? Yeah, that's gotta be him. Is he wearing glasses? Ugh. Oh wait. Damn. ‘Fuck, it is my sapiosexuality, I think' Even if it was perhaps an error, as I might have more than needed a new pair of glasses myself, just the thought of Joel in a pair of specables was suddenly and immediately the equivalent of Dillon Francis sitting down at a piano, or Sonny doing just about literally anything–and I realized, finally, that the most indecent things about myself were quite possibly only happening inside my own mind– Okay, my body does really weird things to this dude's music. Are you sure this is real? No. I love this. Just shut up and do your job. What a nightmare. PLease HElP ME. Hm. That can't be right. What. This translates to H E L P M E Oh, shit, I gotta go. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm always working. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm at work. Well, that was nice and all, but–I gotta get out of here. Where are you going? To shoot myself. Wow, that's one hell of a smile. Just–take it. I'm sorry, i can't accept this. What is even happening in this series? Like, a lot WOULD YOU KIDS SETTLE DOWN. *not settling down* *lil biiiiiiiitz* You know what I wonder? I wonder this I'm sober. I'm just sober sally over here. I didn't get sober. I just am. Cause i'd rather face the pain of this harsh reality with a bite than to dull it out and then wake up in the morning Or–just–whenever– To wake up whenever and be like “OH NO, THIS IS WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE” And the shock of it is so horrible that I just have to repeat that cycle again. ‘OH NOOOOOO” *gets faded* “It's all goooooood” No, it isn't. But i choose to stay like that cause it's like a It's not even a happy medium, It's more like a median-medium But you know what? It makes happier moments more happy And shitter moments less shitty Because i don't have this like drastic spacial Augmented reality or like smoke screen of emotional apathy. I get to feel things way more intensely. I don't have to wonder, ever “oh , did that just happen, cause I was messed up” Or like “would it have happened this way if I was sober” At all. I'm just level– No false sense of Pretty much anything. But i do wonder, though– Like, for people who weren't always sober, and then GOT sober– like , what's the breaking point What's the tip? I always have to sit back and wonder “What did you DO?” Cause you know it had to be something if suddenly “I don't drink anymore” I always wonder, and it's like– no disrespect or anything thing but… I really wanna hear that story. lol . I know you don't wanna tell it (if you can) But wanna hear it. Cause from my point of view. IT's probably hilarious. I know. I'm a dick. Holy shit. What is that. Looks like pasquale went all out with the fireworks this year. …is that a penis? WELCOME HOME It's a giant dick- in-the-sky! GOD IS REAL! JESUS Look, so i've been having second thoughts about this whole thing. What the fuck man. You gotta stop doing shit like this. JESUS I literally can't. I know, but. Okay, look. I'm not writing any of that. You've gotta tell him. NO, RYAN. WELL, WHY NOT. BECAUSE, RYAN. WHY. DEADMAU5 ISN'T REAL. Damn, am I in here. Nice. Of course I am. Well, how'd that happen. This is like a sea of cellphones. Perfect. It was a red car; I wasn't all there, And if you want her, You can have her Fuck. What. I forgot the rest of the verse. It's ok. We gotta move on. No, I gotta go back. For what. For my fans. Aw. What's this. IT's a ceramic mug. Wow, that's nice. I made it Wait. You made that?! Yeah. With your hands?! Yeah. Why would you do that? For you. What. I made it for you? Like, you thought of me first, then you made it? Yeah. WHY? Cause i love you! WOW. Fans are awesome OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *Sometimes. *vomits* … *dies* … *godlessness* [Devastating DJ Moments] I don't get it dawg, all this shit is in your music particles?! “Music particles” UGH. what . That's it. Don't be smart around me. Uh. I'm not smart? No, that won't work; sarcasm is a sign of deeper intelligence. “Sorry” Stop saying that. This is America. S– Don't say it again. Apology not accepted. Don't look at me like that. Like what. With your face. *face* Quick: Say something stupid and random. …I like anime. Oh good, that worked. Thanks. Where are you going? Idk somewhere else. Really, that's it? Yeah. That's all you have to say/ That's literally it. Are you seeing this. Yes. So what's the problem. Oh no, she's stuck in a loop. Throw the whole fan away. [DELETE] Did it work. Did what work. Oh, good. Cool. Wait. See ya later. Did what work? I wish i could just forget about this. Everything? Yeah. Look, this is between me and God–okay? GOD Don't drag me into this. You dragged ME into this! GOD Right. So i could get OUT; So don't drag me back in. Fuck, I remember this. I must have done something important here. Like what. Look, I love you. Great, now what do we do? Bury the body, I guess. *shrugs* Wait, what happened? Somebody dies. OKay, me first. Other Three: Who wants to go next. *still in shock* Fuck man, told you this was a long ass story. *Crying* I'm ruined. What! You went broke? No, i'm still a filthy rich millionaire. I thought you were a billionaire. I am I just *snifs* sometimes I forget that happened. “Sometimes I forget I'm a billionaire” I got to admit, man, I did it to myself. I'm not mad, or anything, but now there's just–certain things I can't do Oh, like what. Not that song. What, why not? You said “anything but Skrillex” this is not Skrillex, this is deadmau5. What's the difference? Okay, that's like saying “What's the difference between deadmau5' and my music?” No, it isn't. How is that not different? That's like comparing the music of Bach and Beethoven to the music of a tattooed hedgehog. You think I look like a hedgehog. No, it's just when I see you and a hedgehog I have all the same thoughts, turn this off. NO, i like this song. Seriously, Dillon Francis, turn it off. I'm gonna turn it up instead. I do not highly recommend doing that. Or at all. This ship has amazing subs. Should I bass boost this song. NO, PROBABLY NOT. Oh, why not? Dillon Francis, I'm warning you, stop. OH HOW COME BECAUSE WHY? BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A HEDEHOG NO, BECAUSE I ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP AT THIS *DROP* [INSTANTLY FALLS ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL–ACTIVATES HYPERSPACE– PLUMMETS SHIP INTO BLACK – HOLE. ohhhhh . What a hoe. Nice, that's a whole episode. Well, here's a bonus scene or whatever. Shazam, what is this. SHAZAM …i don't know. What do you mean you don't know. SHAZAM *panicing* IDONNO WHAT DO YOU MEAN– SHAZAM IDON. NO. OOOOOOOOOOOO Is this deadmau5. I'm not sure. Sounds like deadmau5. It sure does. This is pretty Ooh. it sparkles. yeah , it's deadmau5. How does she KNOW. I need a deadmau5 machine like right now. I know where to find that. Fuck dude, everything's gonna be half-ass until I push out this album. You can't rush it. Trust the process. I can't focus. Oh shit, wasn't this in the last episode? Yeah. I'm still writing backwards. God, what is that, like a pipe organ. WHAT SYNTH IS THIS. Doesn't matter, I just need one. That's it. I know what I'm going to spend my Jimmy Fallons On. And What's that? V.O. OOh. Are we Montaging–to deadmau5? [MONTAGE: deadmau5] Nice. I love a good montage. I love deadmau45* AHH OH NO. I love deadmau5. I keep making typos and I keep forgetting to delete that parallel where. fuckit. That's the synth I've always wanted. It's on sale for $999 At Sam Ash But…you only have Five JImmy Fallons. There are only five special edition in this Volume The Jimmy Fallon 555's I don't know how many volumes there are, but this is the Volume I started keeping track. Fuck, man. I miss Equinox. It's just Eucalyptus. They also have an outdoor running track where you get the best ever view of midtown manhattan. How do you know it's the best ever view of Midtown manhattan. Because it's on a running track. STOP WHISTLING IN MY WHOOP=WHOOPS. The JImmy Fallon 555s are marked with the standard Jimmy Fallon in black ink With a simple side marker of the number 555 in red And also in red, a telephone number on the back. But–that synthesizer is One Thousand Jimmy Fallons. Yeah. So I only need Nine Hundred Ninety Five More. And of course, the Eye of Providence is highlighted. Also Standard. V.O. I always highlight that. Cause, you know… “Illuminati” These are fake. No they're not! They're counterfeit, sorry. No they're not! They're authentic! Why the fuck does this matter so much? You know. What is it with this dude. If it was a snake, it would've bit ya. It was a snake. And it did bite me. He's so increasingly beautiful to me, And I'm still in love with his friend, or misrepresented masterpiece, Progression of a monster, or procession of a superstar, but Something in the story sparks the thought of All we are is consciousness, of course Awkward in body, but of constellations Cosmos, It's not just a corpse; It's all got love in it, Absurd, and sipping carbonated syrup, but I'm just sitting in my stirrups, Here comes galloping a horse, Of course, it hurts to turn it off For just a moment And remember That i'm just a homeless, Stuck and sitting up at night Writing recourse, hugging learning curves in ableton, Curving curses, been reminded that I'm worthless In a thousand words or less, Or just another form of torture, Nothing said, but all that's done Another day another dollar, But it's not It's Jimmy Fallon. I thought this was enter the multiverse. Are you ready to go. No. A hand on my shoulder So paifully socially awkward, I grow stretchmarks, don't know what to call them But scars, But the uglier ones, I've thought Are invisible, Somewhat– To the naked eye Or just anyone Not tiger stripes But one, an eye of horus Carved above my right And inside my lip, (The bottom one) A raised scar in the shape of a sythe I probably died by the hands of a man named Starr So it's hard to shrug it off, And 555 is just a number But it's not It's another scar, It's a punishment For loving him. What's on the back. It's…a number. What number? A telephone number. What. Like a 1-800 Number Call it. I love deadmau5. Something about a big, giant smiling robotic mouse that lights up and sparkles. Why? I don't know. I'm like 5. I see deadmau5 i'm like “WHEEEEEEE” My hands go up in the air “AHHHHHH! YAYYYYY” I'm so stupid. It's so stupid. But you know what? It makes me feel good. I'm not gonna lie. I love it. And by the time I even figured out what deadmau5 was I was so late to the party that I had to make up for lost time. I listened to deadmau5 doing EvErYThING. Everything you could possibly imagine. Well–Except one. Wait, how long have you been cellibate? Forever, probably. Fuck, what happened in here? I don't know. Everything's broken. My head My heart. Everything. Get up, Dillon Francis. Fuck, what happened. You sent us through a black hole. And we crashed on a random ass planet. Fuck, that sucks. YOu suck, Dillon Francis. Ugh. Now get up. Everything's fucked up. SUPERSTAR DJ I'm a paradox. I've got a box of skeletons in my closet i'm not ready to part with. I had a heart attack; I had a heart once, But lately it goes in my pocket; Or my right hand, When I wake up From a dream land, From a long hug From a nice man In a t-shirt KASKADE This is God's PLAN. RYAN, GET FUCKED. 800-799-7233 Did you call the number. Yeah. What is it. [National Domestic Violence Hotline] Woah. That was a long bonus scene. Well, Now here's a PSA. AND A PSA? YES. A PSA. You know what the fucked up thing about all this is, The Legend of Supacree is a true story. All of it. ALL OF IT?! ALL OF IT!? YES. Even the part about– YES. Especially that part. Woah. Damn. I think i'm gonna be sick. Shut up, Dillon Francis. No, but seriously– This is the story of how I got my heart broken so bad. YOU RUINED IT. So, so bad– I HATE YOU. That i started singing about it. NSA, totally *not spying* …are you hearing this. Yes. ILLUMINATI Check this out. Another one down. And how when you start making music– What is this. it's hoe math. And that music actually comes from a really real place. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. really real shit starts happening. You–killed yourself. well , to be fair–I lost everything first. Congratulations. Thx. Here's a skrillex. WHT. Kbye. Really, really, really. What, the fuck Dillon Francis, crawled inside of you to live and made it'self at home? Idon'tknow. What is in this sauce? Just–kill him. What, i can't just. Just kill him, while nobody is watching. Please don't kill me. Shut up, man. I'm having a thought process. Okay, that's it. FUCK DILLON FRANCIS. That's the spirit. THAT IS THE SPIRIT. IT'S THE HOLY SPIRIT. Who the fuck is this. It's–Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ? Jesus Christ?! JESUS CHRIST i'M BACK, MOTHERFUCKER. Wait, are you claiming that the second coming of the messiah is upon us?! YES. Well,Technically, it's the third. And it's all because of Dillon Francis?! I Please stop this HATE Help YOU. Fuck, dude. I know, huh. What did he DO. The third?! How did we miss that?! Uh, you didn't. [HITLER, being HITLER] (he was mad) Okay, that's it. You can't write any of this. Uh, I can. I just did. Technically, I'm dead: this is just a voiceover It's an 80's style PSA You can't say Hitler was the messiah. That's offensive. Everything is offensive. FUCK YOU DILLON. I'msosorry NOTYETYOU'RENOT. Wait, whatever happened to Skrillex. SKRILLEX is waiting outside of the alleged home of SUPACREE's “distant relatives” Lol is he for real at her mom's house. well , to be fair, he's like–looked everywhere else. Ur right. That was a lot of dimensions. So. like. Fuck, i didn't even have that much coffee. It just goes on forever. [DILLON FRANCIS STILL HAS HOTSAUCE IN HIS PUDGY LITTLE EYES] Good. Cause if I see the pupils, i'm wasting him. You think you can do better than this. Better than this? Yes. Yes. Then do it. Alright, is the PSA over? No, not yet. I gotta say one more thing. What is it? Would you ever have done it, Or would you ever be honest If you had, Handed her a lesson, Or a stretch of the past From the present moment, My heart, and my mind And my lover I present you this honor From now on to nowhere I no longer… Want to be near you Or to know you Or to hear you Or to fear you No longer… Want to feel you Or to touch you Or to have you Or to hold you Or to love you No longer, I no longer want you Devastating, A song stuck in my head for a whole world I wonder how long it would take to go back there A room full of actors, A manager, Never a backpack to wear Just a handful of hats, One director, Eventually producer Just now a showrunner Look at how long that took. I had to wonder what auroras in the north thought of someone like Sonny. They showed me. Now I can love you no longer So much for getting acquainted Funny what age equates to in ageless An infinite wisdom, I dismissed him, Nor, would I believe that he ever would hit her, but Some might belong in such a category Though i carry the marks and the scars Of what my once- husband did to me –but no longer. I haven't a heart in the world left But a broken one, made of amethyst. Fuck off, Dillon Francis. A calculated attack on my psyche. I like it a lot, But i'm fonder of sodom. WHAT. Are you saying you woul actually participate in an orgy! Oh GOD no! Oh, Good, cause– But i'd host one. WHAT. The hedonists are a fun bunch. Oh my God. Though, Nowadays, of course, I haven't the slightest idea what to call them. I saw the future. Well, obviously, if you've headlined EDC you've seen the future. I remember all of it. That must be awful. Why don't you remember it? Because i don't want to. Not at all. I did once. Then what happened? I hated it so much, i forgot. You forgot on purpose. I had to. Love, or Music. …Music. Love, or Fame. Fame. Okay, ouch. Love, or Music? …Love. Okay. Love, or Fame. Love. Okay. Love, or music? … Isn't that the same thing? Hm. Love, or Fame? ….Why do you keep asking me the same question. I beg your pardon? Why beg? I mean– What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, first you asked me, If would rather have Love or Music. Love. Music. Yes. In my mind, those are synonyms. Neither can really exist without the other. Okay, and Fame. Love and Fame are also synonyms– How so? Ugh, I just made this difficult on myself. It was always difficult. It really wasn't. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U. WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Yo My horizontal monster wants ya Could revert to vert, but lets keep Our options open Covert, __ My heart is broken No window open Who left the draft in –motherfucker My heart is broken I need a lover I need a lover Some one to hug me I need a hug, but And– I'm not fit to touch The hem of your garment The tip of your dick or fit enough to be your girlfriend I guess i'll just have to live with that When I have an itch, I scratch it myself I made the assumption you can't, And moved passed it But something's been calling me out, from the past Something's been calling me back to the magic I can't get around that Do you hate me? I can see that I'll just make my way back to the beginning Though I'm envious And i pity her, The both of you really There's nothing left between us except Insanity//Infinity Kendrick Style Flow Don't key my car: You'll be callin collect! I got rearview mirrors in the back of my head Don't get up right now, son– Go back to bed I got kids all over, be pulling my leg! Luke, I am your Father! Oh My Oh My God On top of the Watchlist You make money off dope; I made it on craigslist Still be sniffin that coke But now i'm on A list I'm the greatest Ey Miss! I missed too many calls (Airplane Mode) I just started my day (Whole Workload) I might need a buffet (Like Whole Foods) Sashe, Pas De Bourre (That's a code word) No dance floor? Now you're done for My forte Four-to-the-floor Hardcore I drop bass on the encore Front row won't go But i'm already out the front door You don't know I just hopped inside the helicopter, or chopper, chopped broccoli in my cup That's supper; Sleep/ Wake then Surf's up In the morning When i got there (Coastal show, Shower, Then another club Encore Front row lined up I'm already at the front door They want more I'm too sore, for sure Off subject, I dropped in Harder than Paulie On my surfboard (Another code word) This is my world: Another club, Then I'm off for a monday Or somethin' Write another song At the buffet –Tales of a Superstar DJ Amen. Fuck! I didn't even get to watch desperate housewives! Don't fuck with her! She's a trained assassin! GET ON THE GROUND. NO! GET ON THE GROUND– OR I WILL SHOOT YOU! SO? IF I SHOOT YOU, YOU WILL DIE. OK? “OK”? YOU WILL DIE. YEAH, AND? Kind of frustrating hunting down somebody who already has a deathwish. What do you do with someone who has no fear of death. Give them life. I'm telling you, we probably shouldn't be doing this. *shrugs* You split yourselves into two entirely separate individuals at once, just so you could see whose dick is longer? Technically, three entirely separate individuals. THIS ISN'T FAIR. Do you ever think? Sometimes, but it's usually pretty gross. I mean about the implications of these things! You are the implications of these things! I split my soul ONE time into 8 BILLION or so individuals, before this even had happened. WOAH, WHAT HAPPENED. I'm giving you planetary confinement. What. You–can stay here. On this planet. No. It's racist–and primitive. No– And you're black. Please– I'm leaving. –don't– –and i'm taking your portal gun with me. YOU PUT A PORTAL ON MY FACE?! Genius. Incredible. I didn't think it would be a big deal. He has two! Okay, time for work. But i didn't even sl– Coffee. Ouh. … … — I don't think we should be doing this TIA We probably shouldn't. TAMERA We very much shouldn't. What are you guys doing. Nothing. SHh. Summoning the devil. It's not the devil. It might be. Hush. Is that a pentagram. Technically it's a star, with a circle around it. That's a pentagram. It's not a pentagram! Is that a ouiji board? NO. Yes. Let me see. Ugh! I wanna help. MEANWHILE. MORGAN FREEMAN enters an empty train car: Oh God, This. Yes it is! What!? Are you dead! Entirely empty, that is–besides SUPACREE. No, you are! Great, so you're dead! I'm–not dead. Is Bob Saget with you? I'm not DEAD. What about Fraiser? What? Kelsey Grammer! God rest his soul. SEE! I'm not dead– [beat, an eerie shadowy silence in the dimly lit traincar] I'm a Legend. What. I wrote that/ You wrote that. What. Ugh. Look. Morgan Freeman. [Morgan Freeman] I–am–like a paranoid schizophrenic, or something– So, who isn't?! It might be catatonic, I don't know–I got this whole dead-hand–thing–going on. What is that? I don't know. It might just be too much deadmau5. I don't understand. No, Morgan Freeman. I don't understand. Anything about this life. Or this world. The fourth dimension. I definitely don't know anything about that. You're in it. Whatever. Look. [Morgan Freeman] God, you have so many freckles. [Morgan Freeman] Look. I got problems. We all do! Nah, not like–Hollywood problems, I'm like, a real psycho and shit. Sounds like Hollywood. Everything sounds like Hollywood–because nothing is real anymore–everything is for the gram, the points don't matter–nothing actyally matters. At all. Oh? Oh. The train comes to a sudden halt, the lights dim theatrically. Not even this? [pause] He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golden pinata; You know who gave it to me? …Who? Got ya. He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golde pinata ; Fuck dude, i'm too tired to write this. But you kind of have to. I mean i don't have to. YOU HAVE TO. I–WHAT? YOU HAVE TO DO IT. WHY. BECAUSE OTHERWISE I DON'T EVEN EXIST; Then don't exist… I'M JUST A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN YOUR SHOW. Come on Drew, knock it off. Wait, is this Drew Carey, or Barrymore. Either or. That's why I didn't write the characters name. Well, which is it? It literally doesn't matter. Yes it does. Honestly?! It could be both! We just shoot it with both and keep whichever one we like better! But how do we know which is actually “better?” Just do it and mix it–cut it up together or something–I don't know! Cut takes! Cut Takes! Ooh, did someone say CUPCAKES. Don't mind if i DO. Well, I do! Why?! What's wrong?! Yeah! What's the big deal! I'm on a gluten free-thing Oh yeah? Keto. Or someshit. I don't know. Oh. Oh. So you don't want these No, I don't. And you wouldn't mind if I– Come on, man. So Good. Grow up. Hey man, i'm pushin 40. Well, I pushed 40–and it pushed back. Get your cupcakes out of my face. You're no fun. Hey! Aren't you that one guy from rick and morty. Formerly. Oh yeah! That's right! You were Rick AND Morty. Hence the name. Wow. Phewf. I heard about that. Yeah, me too. Sounds real bad, how that turned out. Such a shame. Speaking of shame– You're speaking, I'm snacking. That's not that clever. We'll work on it The point is, he's eating the cupcakes. That's not–wait a minute–hold on. What now? How are we ever gonna get these three guys in a room together. [Meanwhile, in another dimension–these three are tied up (read: bound and gagged) in a room together. –Let alone to agree to this!? SUPACREE removes the gag from the man's [JOSH PECK'S] mouth. I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS. That's what she said! Hey! That's not fair! I was never caught up in a scandal! The key word, I believe, is “never caught” That's two words! SHUTTHEFUCKUP. How many words is that? I WANT MY LAWYER!!!! For what? This isn't court. Wouldn't you want the police first? WELL THEN, I WANT THE POLICE. The Police are here. Wait, they are? Oh, thank God Not so fast. THE POLICE enter with full entourage. Introducing: The Police–playing their number one greatest smash hit! Groupies: Woooo! STING I hope you ladies bought the meet-and-greet package, if you know what I mean. *winks awkwardly* You know what I mean. Oh my God. Since you dudes love doing creepy dude shit, I brought some more notoriously creepy dudes to sing the literally creepiest song ever written about being a creepy dude. That's not fair. But it's funny. THE POLICE Begin to play ‘I'll be Watching You” –and they're gonna play it on loop until I get back with your other-dimensional selves so we can fix all this. “WE” “FIX ALL THIS” WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Nobody seems to know. “--I'll be watching you–” I was FRAMED. CUT TO a golden pocket watch, a wrist watch, a compass–it changes and morphs so quickly that it begins to seem to spin time itself into a whirlwind, until finally a portal opens up from within his hand–a portal which quickly devours him entirely, morphing him into Fuck, what the fuck happened after that Idk I got off the train I guess This is really terribly written INT. SAM ASH MANHATTAN. DAY. A tiny conga for 90 dollars I could die in here Maybe I am just like you I find my way to the prettiest thing in the room And have my way with it Just for a few minutes Consume it, then move on Saw Madison dancing badly on Madison Avenue It's okay, You're a white girl So everybody loves you Everybody loves you Everybody loves you, no matter what you do. As for me, I can't say when I'm going through But you couldn't do it, Madison That's as bad as being at a standst

america god love jesus christ music american new york amazon time health new york city trust father hollywood earth man house rock los angeles work moving hell mexico training young speaking canadian games building dj creator writing balance fitness devil focus coffee holy festival dad satan write forever mom open drop kanye west funny police plan tales utah greek dead record bbc alive grammy fame mayors heroes code humans escape wake dark beyonce rain stuck standing matrix sick straight hits legends switch happy birthday consequences member hire math cat adolf hitler broke finish letting go humble billion incredible vegan gurus falling in love blame wear genius honestly hole distractions throw ab orange gotta lol curiosity complex hungry fuck proud karma soft tempo lying congratulations weak amen wtf balls bronx anxious loud logic providence david bowie heartbreak harder hanging saves bitch excuse membership counting yellow similar gross apology psa awkward ir doc shut siri signal nuts suite grammy awards copyright shazam shenanigans beverly hills pages won get out bach keto nah wonderland cosmos ludwig van beethoven whole foods shower forgot hades dudes illuminati ka pay attention spur progression signature californians sd thousand backwards encore rick and morty cont aha fucking voodoo mm nsa sir soleil underworld morgan freeman jimmy fallon lay technically autopilot bury annihilation int reached petite hugs devastating sauna hush nevermind ur consume equinox jk heroic coastal kisses absurd acoustic tie handle handed lovin family guy star is born la croix montages irony hm duh nothin michael j fox diplo framed amit subscriptions rr sweeping idk only god nda jinx im m tits cupcakes skrillex caucasians obsidian edc brownies covert keisha hahaha beeps augmented oh god mmm benz ew death wish oh my god aw copycat tantric opposites careless shhh sentimental dammit vinegar tit deadmau5 midtown in the heights kaskade goddamn good one marty mcfly lemme raves summoning metadata gazing fuckin horus sunni thx insatiable ahem edx losc pasquale collateral damage dan harmon lmfao mistrust moog moo whole foods market kelsey grammer stop it fonda carved dillon francis gawd jesus no motherfuckers drew carey dan schneider shitting hah cyanide awww aww 1d ext uhhh eucalyptus shh god is real josh peck fangirls suite life barrymore fka chuck taylor uhh serato he said end credits captain crunch gimmie sunn windex fraiser commercial break lin manuel control room hard reset buti uhm minnie riperton fuck it god yes ahah arrr agh oreo cookies god not jesus look icee come undone watching you god right tox what the fuck cdjs i hate you lost lands probably not polars wht get fucked it hurts rekordbox carless best dance bothersome minnie ripperton ouh shredded wheat lookie dog blood superstar dj acension let me out waht ahaha hve curving i am ready lampshades beverly center honey smacks you will die phoenixx vip vip dj world by chance this is my house oh come on who did this you're dead to me phewf wheeeeeee

{The Suite Life.}

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 10, 2023 58:48

Enter The Multiverse x Legends x LOSC x Acension x Deathwish x Secret President x Gerald's Workd x Tales of A Superstar DJ x The Suite Life of Sunnï Blū / The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū ... did I miss something? probably oh well. so far, on all these shows: [The Legend Returns] Really Bad Mixtape (Might as well get it out of the way now) Killst_rr (Instrumental) Sleep Deprivation Sequence You're not you when you're not you. Hoe_math Exactly what it sounds like. [UnderWorld.] R-R 1 -rarity. [i Come Undone.] AtPLAY Live Mix [Autopilot.] {A Star Is Born.} For fear of fire; Best not to wander off, With no back track– Might have forgotten the rest, but It wasn't a poem, or part of a song At least, not yet Fuck man. I really want to sample this. Can't sample deadmau5; he's a bitch about paperwork. You cant technically say that. I mean, I technically didnd't. Just let your fingers do the talking. Ooh, look at that one. What are you doing. Some online shopping. For what. A man-thing. You're better off letting your back end Handle the conversation Then again, When in search of a venue Anything with the proper connections And stereo systems Will do in the moment. What do you want? To get rid of my hiccups. That's it: *huccups* yu-p. Wow, that's– Have you ever thought about just– I've thought about just about everything–that's how you got here. I'm gonna go ahead and admit–there's too much going on in my head. It's a lot. I'm gonna need a nap. GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME. *sheath/ swoard* Is that the sword of skrillex. Yeus. Give it to me. *stabs in thigh* Oooh. Not the balls! fair. Around the world we go Around we go again Here we are Oh no, It's the same song Over and over I'd like you to love to today (I'd love to forget for a moment I haven't) I know before long, we get older and older All wrong, It's the same one, Over and over. Have you seen my butt plugs? NO! GROSS. It's alright. I'll just pick some up on the way. AGGH. Better yet, can you just put in the order on amazon AmAZoN. Yes. (I'm so happy Amazon has anal plugs.) Please stop now. You're being a baby about this–just- You know what. Nevermind. I'll do it myself. Please do that. Siri– Oh my God. Alexa–reorder from Amazon. Come on focus. …hmm…now what was I doing? A B L E T O N *spinning rainbow wheel of doom* …seems like it was something. Come on….FOCUS. Hm. When's the last time you had a marshmello. Flashback: [BONFIRE: Burning The Skrillex] *Also making smores* CUT BACK TO: Like never, I'm vegan. PASQUALE WAKE. UP. Holy shit. It's you again. It's always me. Last time you were like 26. Well, now i'm this age. Wait, how old are you. Wouldn't you like to know. There's a lot of things i'd like to know about you, Pasquale, that's not even near the top of the list. Speaking of “top of the list”-- I do have a lot of things to do today. Oh yeah, what's that? I don't know. A bunch of crap. Speaking of crap– This is a lot of speaking. Happy Birthday. What is this. It's Captain Crunch. Yes it is. What is it doing in my lap. That's your lunch. I–no, it isn't. It is. No, i'm vegan. Well, that's the “happy” part in “happy birthday” No… Yes, actually. This is – It is– Vegan. Damn. Jinx. You owe me a Pererier. Shut up. Or a LaCroix. I'll taka a LaCroix. You're so LA. I guess that makes you Beverly Hills– Or Pacific Palisades. Is that Annexed. It is “LA” What else is in this? No animal product… “Yellow 6” It reads! What happened to yellow 1-5? A whole story. Yes, but not a whole food. “Yellow 6?!” That's the chemical complex you need to find yourself in the right dimension. Exactly. What's wrong with this dimension? What isn't? I'm in it! You're in it! Like I said. What– Just eat it. Ugh– happy trails. *disappears* Ugh. I gave that dude too much money. Fuck, what was I doing again. Deadmau5. Uhm, no i was– Deadmau5. Deadmau5. OOOOOH> YES. I KNOW IT'S YOU, YOU SLIMY MOTHERFUCKER. Stop it. YOU STOP IT. I KNOW IT'S YOU. Who is it? STOP IT. Stop–doing that. I know you're deadmau5. I most certainly am not. I know its you. I have boobs. How did you do this. I did–n't. That's right. Fuck, what happened. Nothin. Now I gotta kill my stupid brother. You have a brother?! SKRILLEX. GET IN HERE. Fuck, run. I gotta go. Go where. Uhm. Somewhere else. DILLON, THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE. IT WAS NEVER FUNNY. (It was funny to me.) God does have a sense of humor. AHAH–AHAHA–HAHAHA. As it turns out, not the absolute best sense of humor. Oh—he's okay! He's okay! No, he's dead. He's definitely dead. But a sense of humor, nonetheless. Fuck man. What did you do to Dillon Francis. Nothing. I just got him drunk On what?! Cyanide? Okay, I don't even know what that is. He's a corpse. –but a pretty one. C'mon. Be serious. I can't. Why not. It's hilarious, kinda. This isn't funny. No, it's hilarious. He earned it. He “earned” it? Well, yes– He is dead. I mean, it's a long story; but he brought it upon himself, honestly. “Honestly” Please. PLease. Please. No, I said. PLEASE. I SAID NO. What's this story. That's ten. I win. Fuck. DILLOn WAkE UP. *smacks* ahah. I think it's working I think he's waking up. He's not waking up. He must be. He's laughing. He's not laughing He said “haha' *smacks* haha . See. *smacks* Mm. This shit smacks HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKSSSS. Oh shit, is this the 90s. HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKSSS. *slams* GIMMIE MY HONEY SMACKS. That's it. There's no more. AW, COME ON. Sorry, that's all there is. WHAT. But yu can have captain crunch. I DON'T WANT CAPTAIN CRUNCH. I WANT HONEY SMACKS. I'm sorry, there are no more Honey Smacks. You can have Captain Crunch, or Shredded Wheat. GRAMPA Shredded Wheat is MY favorite. Ugh. Mm. Honey Smacks. I HATE YOU. Be nice to your brother. Lol. Everything about Dillon's eyes makes him devastating. Who plays tiny Dillon? I don't know. There are like nine in the script. It shouldn't be hard to cast. We'll go to utah. Fucking. I hate Utah. WELCOME TO UTAH. Nice. Alright, well, what other grounds are there to cover, here? DILLOn FRANCIS I am not doing this project. Of course you are–it's in your contract. What contract. The one you signed. Which–no–I didn't. But you did. SUNNI BLU I got you a drink. DILLON FRANCIS That looks fruity. SUNNI BLU Try it. DILLON FRANCIS *sips* DILLON FRANCIS CONT'D What's in this. Just– drink it. SUNNI BLU Don't look at me like that. DILLOn FRANCIS Like what. SUNNI BLU Do you need a mirror? DILLON FRANCIS I– SUNNI BLU Look down. DILLON FRANCIS *does* SUNNI BLU *flicking nose* Made you look. haha . DILLOn FRANCIS Wow. [takes drink] SUNNI BLUThat's the spirit. But literally there's a mirror between your feet, if you need one. [there literally is] SUNNI BLU CONT'D The floor is made of mirrors DILLOn FRANCIS *suddenly inebriated* Oh wow. SUNNI BLU The whole club turns into a disco ball. DILLON FRANCIS *suddenly very inebriated* That's–convenient. SUNNI BLU It is. SHIA DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS. If my dreams were not just dreams, everyone in here would have a lawsuit against me. A lot of us do. Carry on, then. SKRILLEX BLAIGH. Oh shit, its you again. I swear to God, I thought I killed this nigga. Are you sure it was him? SKRILLEX !!!! No. Alright, i've almost got it. Almost got what. This whole– thing. Oh. –and–it's gone. Really, that quick. I don't think you understand what's happening. You're right, i don't understand what's happening at all. Oh shit. I'm deadmau5. Nice. Fuck it, lets do some trolling. Alright alright. BUT FIRST, COFFEE. Fuck dude, I don't think I should have anymore coffee. Too late. deadmau5. ok . Deadmau5. Nice. D–0 DOn'T D o THis, I'M WARNING YOU. …. If you open that portal, there's no going back. *opens portal* Now you've done it. *goes into portal* Fuck. *portal closes neatly* *facepalm* *entire series of cosmos collapse in the great distance–time begins to stretch and bend uncontrollably* Come on, just let me lick the balls. NO. I'll give you a cookie. well … OH my GAWD. What. Come here, you have to see this. What the fuck is that. I don't know. Should i pick it up? No, don't touch it! He picked it up. Oh, gross. What is this. I don't know. I think it's fanfiction. Who wrote it. Idk. somefangirl. Fangurl. FaNGiRls. Well, Hey, at least i'm not a groupie. OH COME ON, JUST LET ME SUCK IT. GET AWAY FROM ME. PLEASE. i'LL GIVE YOU $40. -well. NOW, A COMMERCIAL BREAK. Since when does this show have commercials. It doesn't. I want to talk to Jimmy Fallon. That's–not happening. Why not. JIMMY FALLON BECAUSE I HAVE A CONTRACT WITH NBC. There he is– Nice. JIMMY FALLON YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I AM A FAMILY MAN, OKAY. Is that like Family Guy? By Chance?! SETH MCFARLENE (with super long hair) *crossing fingers* I'm hoping so. JIMMY FALLON Not even close! SETH MCFARLENE *snaps* Dammit. Oh, I get it. It's like–The Cofffee run Which “coffee run” THE coffee run. We'll have to admit, it's probably the most watched coffee run of all time. Of all of them. You know what? Fuck it, fire me. I'm doing this show. What?! JImmy. Why on EARTH would you ever agree to something like this. JIMMY FALLON THE COSMIC AVENGER Because–it's my duty. Yo. You know that song that everybody knows? You know the song because everybody knows this song. It goes: Lovin you– is easy cause youre beautiful. do - do- do - do- do- do- do… Yeah. You know that song. But you probably don't know who sings it. I'll tell you who sings it. That song is by an artist called Minnie Ripperton. That's a mouthful. Yeah, one hell of a name, huh. Well, that's the lady who sings the song. It's Minnie Riperton. Now, let me tell you something else you probably don't know: Something I probably wouldn't know if I wasn't a DJ But i know this, because I'm a DJ AND MAYA RUDOLPH WAUT A MINUTE. What the fuck, Maya Rudoph, are you doing in my bathroom at 5 AM It's 1:15 in the afternoon. I'm a DJ. It's 5 AM. That's making sense. I know it is. What's not making sense. Is why you're in my bathroom drinking a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. So it is. *slurps milkshake* *sitting on toilet* *slurps* What do you want. You want to know what I want? Apparently, a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. OK. OK. OK so what. Finish the script. –What? Fuck dude, how does this song sound good every time? Congratulations, you've gone entirely insane. beep-boop . [DJ] B00p beep. [Music Producer] Beep-beep. 0.c. Do not fall dangerously in love; Do not pass go Do not collect $200 Or any of it For any reason, For any of it For any of them Just keep it pushin; Just keep it private Just hold it all in and Do not let go Do not fall in love Do not pass go Do not unload Do not walk Do not cross here Do not It smells like butter. But you're vegan. I know. Do you think you're having a stroke. God, I fucking hope so. GOD You WHAT. I want to die. GOD I thought i heart you right. You heard me right–a THOUSAND times. I want to die. Take me out of this life. GOD Not until you make dubstep. WHAT. GOD You gotta make a grammy-winning dubstep album. I what. GOD Or at least nominated. No, I don't. GOD Beg your pardon. I'm not begging. GOD What are you getting at, hon? Look; Am I not one with the source? GOD Uhm–you are. Alright, Then: everything is everything. GOD Yes. And everyone is everyone. GOD This is true. So i'm Skrillex. GOD Skrillex is Skrillex So I Am. GOD … And I already won a grammy. GOD … Like a bunch of them, right. GOD Uh. So technically– GOD YOu know what. I can't argue with that logic. This isn't ableton. No. This is Logic. What the fuck. That's not Serato. No, that's Rekordbox. What the fuck is this. These are CDJs. There's no hot cues! What the fuck is a “HOT CUE” This is not food. What the fucking sauce. I'm warning you, Pasquale. Get off my lawn. THIS IS MY HOUSE. Your house it is not. *House music starts blasting* *lasers* sprinklers* dancers* WHAT THE FUCK. It's voice activated, I just– How did you do this?! What. WHAT DID YOu DO. AND WHEN. I don't know! I just took the delorean, like you said. You were supposed to find Dillon Francis. I did! The problem was, when I found the right one, he was dead! What? He's dead? Presumably! What do you mean by that!? It's a long story! WELL, HOW LONG? SUNNI BLU About as long as my dick! WHO IS THAT. I told you it's a long story. Well, let me in! Sorry Pasquale. No Can do. What. Why not. Cause you're on a federal watch list. What. Yeah. Sorry. Wait… You should probably leave before the feds get here. What? Unless you want to stay and party on the lawn but–not recommended. This is bizarre. The police arrive, surrounding Pasquale on the yard–moving in to arrest him. WAIT. SUPACREE turns away from the window; inside, a room full of her aliases sit looking somewhat miserably; SUPACREE!!! [Pasquale is handcuffed and i dragged off of the lawn] SUPACREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Careless, Acoustic–deadmau5 SUPACREE pours a bowl of captain crunch, taking one colossal bite and sits down in THE CONTROL ROOM at a large computer console; inhaling from a can of nitrous oxide. I'm the worst DJ ever. SUPACREE places the fames deadmau5 helmet atop her head and begins working at the computer promptly, clicking away; Now is deadmau5 I don't even know what key this song is in. MEOWINGTONS, Alive and well purrs and stretches, then settles atop SUPACREE/deadmau5's lap. This is insane. I don't know what's happening. END CREDITS. V. O. Lovin' You, Minnie Ripperton Carless, deadmau5 idk how i'm gonna mix that. Trust me. Anything can be mixed. Anything. [When it] Turns out, The bottom of your heart Was the tip of the Ice Berg And the whole ship has [s]unk[en], [&] I[t]'s probably ice cold At the bottom of the ocean; I'll tell you where i'm from Why, I'll tell you anything for About one dollar Turns out, I've already got one eye on you; One eye'd sad heart I should probably roll out my art on you [I probably should not] One man bought a kiss, Another, a whole night from her– One man bought a whole farm The other, a Whole Foods Market –and you can't even franchise those Amazon's got a monopoly We were playing for corners of earth, All i got was some kandi, Subscriptions to candidly, Actually, I really liked the tree trial (I think i'll wait a week, sorry) When it turns out The world that you wanted Was actually hours already The dollar you got Was also borrowed And the money they wanted and got Was just actually stolen from someone else They bought all the food up And sold it for profits I promise this avocado Once costs nothing at all But you wanted that car for your daughter She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it My mom, on my honor Of all the garages in Lost Lands, I promise the owner of it was The first to go last, And the last to come home Now he's on his own alter And also the worshiper; How do you go back? Oh, you don't Oh you don't Oh, you don't wanna know that But i was of course, All of your rock bottoms It's bottoms and tops, and We don't let the top fall over, We're counting up crumbs And this muffin costs $24 dollars Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks For the dead homies Not dead in the general sense But just in the head, the heart, And the soul The homeless are happier at McDonalds Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere I'll avoid the power struggle at operations for about 18 dollars and 56 sense (Please, keep the pennies) I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's Something indecent, or decadent Whichever it is Cause i'm better of with the memory of it Than actually dragging it in. –I'm a cat again. Ouch. Shut up. It HURTS. Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics. YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid. Yes, but lucily for you– –or, for him– Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid. –Ouch– –Shut up. That we know of. George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* Lookie here boys: What is it? –I'm leaving. Oh, you're gonna wanna hear this. What. I found the first “whites only” water fountain since 1962. Okay, what do you want? A deal. Oh, I'll give you a deal. Cash up front. [He presents a one dollar bill] Is this enough. [beat] Where are you going with this? Nowhere, fast. YO. What now, dude. SHE'S ONTO US. I doubt that. Look at this. I highly doubt– *gaaassp* Shenanigans! You know what I like about you, Ariana? Everything. Hah. Hm. You know how to keep a secret. I don't know what you're talking about. Exactly. *rolls eyes, flips hair.* Well, here's another one for you. –Another what? This is how my darkness becomes your darkness. I already have enough on my own. I know. You don't know. Only God knows. MOM! Don't ask me again. This is heavy, Doc. What is it? The soup! It's too heavy. Too much cream? Way too much! I have a meeting! Meeting with who? The Hollywood People. When? Soon–what time is it? I don't know. Dammit! Why don't you have any clocks in your house? I only just recently remembered what a clock was. Oh! Here. [God produces a small pocket watch and presents it to him; it's nearly noon on EARTH; But the two are sharing a meal of course in the famed kitchen of the Creator in the TImeless VOID.] Ah, Jesus Christ! He's not here… I'm gonna be late. Now, now; You know I wouldn't let that happen– [a smug look| Hugs and Kisses. [As they embrace, he disappears into a mist of light and stardust, fading away from the void and into the exterior world; he realizes God has slipped him the watch; he flips it open to reveal the time: it is now 11:44] Amazing. V.O. Now you won't wait so long to visit. [He places the wach in his pocket and walks into the studio] MICHAEL J. FOX has been asked to reprise his role as MARTY MCFLY many times before; But never for a project like this. ____ Meanwhile, What am I going to do with you? [The Festival Project.™] YOU'RE DEAD TO ME! –I'm dead to everyone! Don't do this. You wanted to come to the other side. No, I didn't. We'll you're here anyway; Might as well stay awhile. With eyes like burning fire And saddles for the riders The horse begins to gallop (or the horses, rather) On the mark to beating drums To move them forward faster What the fuck is this. idk. Kx5. *-* !_! Here u go Wat is this. it's a dragon. Oh, thats nice. Ya. Whats it do. Idk. dragon things. ok. Don't put it in ur bathroom. Why. idrk. Hm. † Hey. Ugh–No, Kaskade, go away. It's me, Ryan! No, Get out! I'm No† Ka–k (gags) –skade! Gross! It's just Ryan! I promise! NO. GET OUT. Lmfao. Right. This show is fantastic. Who was that. Fucking–Kaskade again! Are you sure. Ugh. Looks like Ryan. Kaskade is Kaskade. {shrugs] Dudes a creep. “Kaskade Ruins Lives” Is this the same episode as before? Eventually, yes. Wasn't I doing something Are you goona let this go? Um. Well I'm fucked. Why, what happened. Obsidian. That should do Unsobsidian. Okay, i'm fucked, Well, what's this? An Oreo Cookie. I mean, sitting next to it. Oh, its a portal gun. Raves are not just raves– A party is not simply a “party” –These big festivals –they're diversions. –DIstractions. Distractions from what. If you were supposed to know, –you'd know. it wouldn't be so important that you go. Why is it? These ancient rituals… It's occult magic. They've got it down to a science. The government funds this. The government funds everything. WoooooooW. It's not really a secret, if you can google it. ‘-complications.' I'm lost somewhere, gone HIppopatamus feeling quite off in the galaxies, galavanting Gazing at Daisies Aces and spades Gone from Heaven to Hades for days On the A– Adjacent Recently dismantling adjectives, Lampshades and matching curtains God it hurts, every day that I think about you; But how can i be about you when You don't even see me, do you Signature consignments, Wrong environments and irony is, I wasn't invited– –but invented it WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Great, now I have to explain myself. You don't have to. What's this space for? Oh, that's the red room. [The Red Room] Well, obviously, but– But what? What's it for? I don't think anybody should read this. HEY. Participation Only– Oh! No peeking! You ever feel like you're doing too much? Yeah, but not for money. Look, we have them surrounded. Our best course of action is to– deadmau5 . What? No– DEADMAU5. Well, are you sure it was a mouse and not a rat? It was a mouse. I know the difference. Do you, though? Look, I've lived in Mexico and New York City. So. In Queens. Oh. That's mathematically impossible. I mean it's not–impossible. No, it's not just impossible. It's mathematically impossible. Has it ever occurred to you that the DJ World in entirety exists outside of the realm of math and science? What is this. Just–enjoy the rave. No. What is this. Look at the firewoooorkkks! Woo EDC… NO. What is this right here. BEFORE: Hey, you still got that balloon? Yeah. Lemme see it. Dude, what are you doing? …I'mma go catch me a DJ. THIS IS NUTS. I can't feel my face. What do you call this? Collateral Damage. Look, I'm going to have to take frequent trips to the bathroom. ok . And–uhh– and. Uhh– Why did you call me over here. Cause i can. Look. this is not magic. This is not science. This is not “voodoo” Voodoo is magic. It's just music. W H E R E D I D H E G O O O O O I don't know. Fuck dude, I fucked up. Once again– Of course you did. What did you do this time? I might have evaporated someone with my fat fucking bass. Nice. Way to go. Yeah. Wait. … Did you just say. HE JUST He deserted me. SO WAIT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HERE? ALRIGHT, WHO THREW A ROCKSTAR IN MY TENT? JEFF Alright, lets go. WHO DID THIS. So what's this place. Lets not let this conversation resurface. This is a 21 Plus Event. What about VIP VIP is 25 Plus. What about that place. Sorry kids. [NO ENTRY] We gotta get in there. So then they wanted an Encore. Did you give them an encore? NO, i was already at my hotel room. Then how did you know that they wanted an encore? WHICH IS IT, THE WYNN, OR THE ENCORE. FUCK, I DON'T REMEMBER. Please, who stays at the Encore for EDC? Have you literally never been out with rich people? No, I literally just got rich. Oh, nice. So, wait, like– Here we go. Dillon Francis has just always been rich? Uh-huh. And Skrillex has always been rich? Yes. Definitely. And deadmau5. deadmau5 is Canadian. OH MY GOD. W E L C O M E I'm going to need your absolute discretion about this. Alright. Sign this waiver. …this is a…pretty heavy packet. I'll wait. I've never signed an NDA like that in my life. Lil' biiiiiiiiiiiiiitzzzz Can we just admit it's weird that we live in an era where “NDA” is household jargon. And like, everyone knows what it means. Everyone knows what an NDA is. I appreciate the sentiments Isn't it weird how it sets in automatically? Autopilot, go. Aww, i don't want to be Autopilot. You're on autopilot. I don't really have to think about it anymore, I'll have to sleep on it Wear a white t-shift, Hear the applause of the audience, Eat it You wanna know what I think? You want to know what I'm drinking? You know what I need? An Icee, (cause I see you typing) An awful Omnipotence A God of Mirages No more carbohydrates, I gotta get all thin; Forgot to acknowledge Whether or not i'm turning this off soon I are. I…”are” I are. Infinite Reality. OH. I. R. IR! IR! IRV I ARE. Suddenly, I remember the taste of talcum powder As If I were Moving backwards In time, Like, Why, God on earth would My mom let me try that, But if i'm honest, Fuck man, I hate deadmau5– There's just too much in here. Beep boop. I love deadmau5. It's so simple. What is this, MATH?! THIS IS AERODYNAMICS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE AERO DYNAMICS DId you mean what you said about that? I meant everything I said. Goddammit, fuck this, I was in the middle of a really complex poem In realtime, listening to deadmau5 Having a partially out of body spiritual experience, Entirely fucking sober FACEPALM BLŪ 8facepalming dramatically in frustration* NOBODY IS EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN ANY OF THIS. beepboop. YO. Oh, I forgot my open form poetry, or my mom How my mom once allowed me to gnaw on talcum powder But who can blame her That was a hard one It was a past life And now ive Got Another One HOly shit what version of the cube is this. 1D. What. You'll get it. Wait. Have you ever stopped for a minute to think– I can't stop for a minute, especially just to “think” [Literally stops for a minute to think.] No fucking way, uh-uh. Come on, man. No. I ain't time travelin' wit deadmau5. Come on– NO. –that someone else has already figured all of this out and that's how any of it is possible in the first place. Alright, i'm gonna need some mind-altering drugs for this. What are you doing. Voluntary Ego Death. I– Wait. Why would you. Get out of my brain. I am your brain. Take care, now. Holy shit, it seems like she's getting more evil. That's because she's definitely more evil ALRIGHT, I'M TIRED OF THIS: WHERE IN THE FUCK IS SKRILLEX. MEANWHILE INT. IN THE FUCK. DAY. *rings doorbell* AT YOUR MOM'S HOUSE. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME. I'm not joking, that's…literally the answer to your question. Oh. Fuck. What dude. We gotta go back. I left the keys in the pocket of the guy I shapeshifted into. Are you serious? It's fine, he can't have gone too far, dude. What do you mean he “left the dimension” He entered a portal. He– wait, excuse me. A portal. A “portal”, dude? Yeah; a portal. What do you mean “a portal” A portal, like— you know, like a portal gun, but not a portal gun, just a portal. Uh huh. Excuse us for a second. What the fuck is this dude talking about? I don't know, man. Humans don't use portals! I know man. What the fuck! Well, wait—how do we know that guy is human. He looks human. Yeah dude but, we look human. Duh! Cause we shifted! Yeah, but, how do we know he's not a shifter. Because, dude, I know a shifter when I see one. Yeah, but—you know, what if he's really good. I highly doubt that. Why? Cause I'm the best. No, I am. Exactly, so we'd know if it was another shifter–cause we're the best shifters! Well, let's at least try to see if he knows anything else about those guys. They were together right? I hope not. No, not like that—like Okay, okay, whatever, let's just… Wait, where'd he go? Excuse me. What up. There was just another guy over here just now— He was like—you know—normal looking guy Tie die* shirt Yeah. Did you see him. Yeah, I saw him. Alright, cool, where'd he go? He left. What?! That was fast! Yeah, well…it happens. Are you sure? Yes. *actually is shifter* [as they walk away, the shifter shifts, and then vanishes into a random portal.] Awww, dammit, Now we're never gonna find this guy. Never say never. Whatever, we're dead. We're always dead. Yeah, but like in modern human slang terms Oh, yeah, that. Anyways, I gotta relieve this human's bladder. I fucking hate this species for this. It is useless. *enters portal potty* [ Wait, whatever actually did happen to Dillon Francis? That's great, I was just getting to that. 19 Pages. Nice. …no, 12. What. [11:12] Okay, I'm gonna kill him. Oh, I banished him. With my fists. Nice. Tits. Nice tits. Thx. Hey man. Hey what. Remember that smudge on the lens. Yeah. It just got bigger. … did you try vinegar instead of Windex. Yes. –IT'S NOT A SMUDGE. Did you try Windex with Vinegar. –IT'S NOT A– Shut up. I'm. So. Hungry. Look, do you want this, or not? Do you feel like any of this is a coincidence? Just quit, it. Dillon Francis. WHERE IS IT? I don't know. Lets kick this up a notch. ILLUMINATI What do you want? … I want the full package. ILLUMINATI Okay, I'm gonna need specifics. How do you even get a job as a courier for the illuminati? [INDEED.COM | ILLUMINATI - COURIER- URGENTLY HIRING] Hm. It was a pretty specific list. I don't even get the point of a barbeque if everyone is vegan Well, The Mayor eats fish. Oh please, where is THAT guy the Mayor of? I don't know. We meet in the Matrix. This is for you. Oh. Do you like it? I– It's not a brothel! It's Member's Only! YOu BUY a Membership. Yeah. And WOMEN. HEy, MAN, YOU CAN BUY DUDES, TOO. SHHH. Oh no. What. What did you do? I gave her my credit card. The Heavy One? Yes, and– “AND” –access to the black market. Cool, I got it. Oh, another auction. Of course another auction. What'd you buy this time? A lifesize deadmau5 bobblehead. What are you gonna do with that? Wouldn't you like to know. Ok, gross. LIL BIIIIIIIITXXXX I love a good deamau5 show. He really does have the best fans, It's a comfortable, safe space. Very inviting. Everyone is happy. What the fuck, dude, this place is a sausage fest. Yeah, that's deadmau5 for ya. Hey, I'm looking for this shithead. Oh, that dude? Yeah, have you seen him? Fuck, I wish this never happened. LIL BIIIIITz If you don't know who deadmau6* is– GET OUT. Jk. but seriously this is easily the most devastating person i've ever seen. Maybe just to me, but. Are you sure that's the right guy? Yeah, that's gotta be him. Is he wearing glasses? Ugh. Oh wait. Damn. ‘Fuck, it is my sapiosexuality, I think' Even if it was perhaps an error, as I might have more than needed a new pair of glasses myself, just the thought of Joel in a pair of specables was suddenly and immediately the equivalent of Dillon Francis sitting down at a piano, or Sonny doing just about literally anything–and I realized, finally, that the most indecent things about myself were quite possibly only happening inside my own mind– Okay, my body does really weird things to this dude's music. Are you sure this is real? No. I love this. Just shut up and do your job. What a nightmare. PLease HElP ME. Hm. That can't be right. What. This translates to H E L P M E Oh, shit, I gotta go. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm always working. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm at work. Well, that was nice and all, but–I gotta get out of here. Where are you going? To shoot myself. Wow, that's one hell of a smile. Just–take it. I'm sorry, i can't accept this. What is even happening in this series? Like, a lot WOULD YOU KIDS SETTLE DOWN. *not settling down* *lil biiiiiiiitz* You know what I wonder? I wonder this I'm sober. I'm just sober sally over here. I didn't get sober. I just am. Cause i'd rather face the pain of this harsh reality with a bite than to dull it out and then wake up in the morning Or–just–whenever– To wake up whenever and be like “OH NO, THIS IS WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE” And the shock of it is so horrible that I just have to repeat that cycle again. ‘OH NOOOOOO” *gets faded* “It's all goooooood” No, it isn't. But i choose to stay like that cause it's like a It's not even a happy medium, It's more like a median-medium But you know what? It makes happier moments more happy And shitter moments less shitty Because i don't have this like drastic spacial Augmented reality or like smoke screen of emotional apathy. I get to feel things way more intensely. I don't have to wonder, ever “oh , did that just happen, cause I was messed up” Or like “would it have happened this way if I was sober” At all. I'm just level– No false sense of Pretty much anything. But i do wonder, though– Like, for people who weren't always sober, and then GOT sober– like , what's the breaking point What's the tip? I always have to sit back and wonder “What did you DO?” Cause you know it had to be something if suddenly “I don't drink anymore” I always wonder, and it's like– no disrespect or anything thing but… I really wanna hear that story. lol . I know you don't wanna tell it (if you can) But wanna hear it. Cause from my point of view. IT's probably hilarious. I know. I'm a dick. Holy shit. What is that. Looks like pasquale went all out with the fireworks this year. …is that a penis? WELCOME HOME It's a giant dick- in-the-sky! GOD IS REAL! JESUS Look, so i've been having second thoughts about this whole thing. What the fuck man. You gotta stop doing shit like this. JESUS I literally can't. I know, but. Okay, look. I'm not writing any of that. You've gotta tell him. NO, RYAN. WELL, WHY NOT. BECAUSE, RYAN. WHY. DEADMAU5 ISN'T REAL. Damn, am I in here. Nice. Of course I am. Well, how'd that happen. This is like a sea of cellphones. Perfect. It was a red car; I wasn't all there, And if you want her, You can have her Fuck. What. I forgot the rest of the verse. It's ok. We gotta move on. No, I gotta go back. For what. For my fans. Aw. What's this. IT's a ceramic mug. Wow, that's nice. I made it Wait. You made that?! Yeah. With your hands?! Yeah. Why would you do that? For you. What. I made it for you? Like, you thought of me first, then you made it? Yeah. WHY? Cause i love you! WOW. Fans are awesome OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *Sometimes. *vomits* … *dies* … *godlessness* [Devastating DJ Moments] I don't get it dawg, all this shit is in your music particles?! “Music particles” UGH. what . That's it. Don't be smart around me. Uh. I'm not smart? No, that won't work; sarcasm is a sign of deeper intelligence. “Sorry” Stop saying that. This is America. S– Don't say it again. Apology not accepted. Don't look at me like that. Like what. With your face. *face* Quick: Say something stupid and random. …I like anime. Oh good, that worked. Thanks. Where are you going? Idk somewhere else. Really, that's it? Yeah. That's all you have to say/ That's literally it. Are you seeing this. Yes. So what's the problem. Oh no, she's stuck in a loop. Throw the whole fan away. [DELETE] Did it work. Did what work. Oh, good. Cool. Wait. See ya later. Did what work? I wish i could just forget about this. Everything? Yeah. Look, this is between me and God–okay? GOD Don't drag me into this. You dragged ME into this! GOD Right. So i could get OUT; So don't drag me back in. Fuck, I remember this. I must have done something important here. Like what. Look, I love you. Great, now what do we do? Bury the body, I guess. *shrugs* Wait, what happened? Somebody dies. OKay, me first. Other Three: Who wants to go next. *still in shock* Fuck man, told you this was a long ass story. *Crying* I'm ruined. What! You went broke? No, i'm still a filthy rich millionaire. I thought you were a billionaire. I am I just *snifs* sometimes I forget that happened. “Sometimes I forget I'm a billionaire” I got to admit, man, I did it to myself. I'm not mad, or anything, but now there's just–certain things I can't do Oh, like what. Not that song. What, why not? You said “anything but Skrillex” this is not Skrillex, this is deadmau5. What's the difference? Okay, that's like saying “What's the difference between deadmau5' and my music?” No, it isn't. How is that not different? That's like comparing the music of Bach and Beethoven to the music of a tattooed hedgehog. You think I look like a hedgehog. No, it's just when I see you and a hedgehog I have all the same thoughts, turn this off. NO, i like this song. Seriously, Dillon Francis, turn it off. I'm gonna turn it up instead. I do not highly recommend doing that. Or at all. This ship has amazing subs. Should I bass boost this song. NO, PROBABLY NOT. Oh, why not? Dillon Francis, I'm warning you, stop. OH HOW COME BECAUSE WHY? BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A HEDEHOG NO, BECAUSE I ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP AT THIS *DROP* [INSTANTLY FALLS ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL–ACTIVATES HYPERSPACE– PLUMMETS SHIP INTO BLACK – HOLE. ohhhhh . What a hoe. Nice, that's a whole episode. Well, here's a bonus scene or whatever. Shazam, what is this. SHAZAM …i don't know. What do you mean you don't know. SHAZAM *panicing* IDONNO WHAT DO YOU MEAN– SHAZAM IDON. NO. OOOOOOOOOOOO Is this deadmau5. I'm not sure. Sounds like deadmau5. It sure does. This is pretty Ooh. it sparkles. yeah , it's deadmau5. How does she KNOW. I need a deadmau5 machine like right now. I know where to find that. Fuck dude, everything's gonna be half-ass until I push out this album. You can't rush it. Trust the process. I can't focus. Oh shit, wasn't this in the last episode? Yeah. I'm still writing backwards. God, what is that, like a pipe organ. WHAT SYNTH IS THIS. Doesn't matter, I just need one. That's it. I know what I'm going to spend my Jimmy Fallons On. And What's that? V.O. OOh. Are we Montaging–to deadmau5? [MONTAGE: deadmau5] Nice. I love a good montage. I love deadmau45* AHH OH NO. I love deadmau5. I keep making typos and I keep forgetting to delete that parallel where. fuckit. That's the synth I've always wanted. It's on sale for $999 At Sam Ash But…you only have Five JImmy Fallons. There are only five special edition in this Volume The Jimmy Fallon 555's I don't know how many volumes there are, but this is the Volume I started keeping track. Fuck, man. I miss Equinox. It's just Eucalyptus. They also have an outdoor running track where you get the best ever view of midtown manhattan. How do you know it's the best ever view of Midtown manhattan. Because it's on a running track. STOP WHISTLING IN MY WHOOP=WHOOPS. The JImmy Fallon 555s are marked with the standard Jimmy Fallon in black ink With a simple side marker of the number 555 in red And also in red, a telephone number on the back. But–that synthesizer is One Thousand Jimmy Fallons. Yeah. So I only need Nine Hundred Ninety Five More. And of course, the Eye of Providence is highlighted. Also Standard. V.O. I always highlight that. Cause, you know… “Illuminati” These are fake. No they're not! They're counterfeit, sorry. No they're not! They're authentic! Why the fuck does this matter so much? You know. What is it with this dude. If it was a snake, it would've bit ya. It was a snake. And it did bite me. He's so increasingly beautiful to me, And I'm still in love with his friend, or misrepresented masterpiece, Progression of a monster, or procession of a superstar, but Something in the story sparks the thought of All we are is consciousness, of course Awkward in body, but of constellations Cosmos, It's not just a corpse; It's all got love in it, Absurd, and sipping carbonated syrup, but I'm just sitting in my stirrups, Here comes galloping a horse, Of course, it hurts to turn it off For just a moment And remember That i'm just a homeless, Stuck and sitting up at night Writing recourse, hugging learning curves in ableton, Curving curses, been reminded that I'm worthless In a thousand words or less, Or just another form of torture, Nothing said, but all that's done Another day another dollar, But it's not It's Jimmy Fallon. I thought this was enter the multiverse. Are you ready to go. No. A hand on my shoulder So paifully socially awkward, I grow stretchmarks, don't know what to call them But scars, But the uglier ones, I've thought Are invisible, Somewhat– To the naked eye Or just anyone Not tiger stripes But one, an eye of horus Carved above my right And inside my lip, (The bottom one) A raised scar in the shape of a sythe I probably died by the hands of a man named Starr So it's hard to shrug it off, And 555 is just a number But it's not It's another scar, It's a punishment For loving him. What's on the back. It's…a number. What number? A telephone number. What. Like a 1-800 Number Call it. I love deadmau5. Something about a big, giant smiling robotic mouse that lights up and sparkles. Why? I don't know. I'm like 5. I see deadmau5 i'm like “WHEEEEEEE” My hands go up in the air “AHHHHHH! YAYYYYY” I'm so stupid. It's so stupid. But you know what? It makes me feel good. I'm not gonna lie. I love it. And by the time I even figured out what deadmau5 was I was so late to the party that I had to make up for lost time. I listened to deadmau5 doing EvErYThING. Everything you could possibly imagine. Well–Except one. Wait, how long have you been cellibate? Forever, probably. Fuck, what happened in here? I don't know. Everything's broken. My head My heart. Everything. Get up, Dillon Francis. Fuck, what happened. You sent us through a black hole. And we crashed on a random ass planet. Fuck, that sucks. YOu suck, Dillon Francis. Ugh. Now get up. Everything's fucked up. SUPERSTAR DJ I'm a paradox. I've got a box of skeletons in my closet i'm not ready to part with. I had a heart attack; I had a heart once, But lately it goes in my pocket; Or my right hand, When I wake up From a dream land, From a long hug From a nice man In a t-shirt KASKADE This is God's PLAN. RYAN, GET FUCKED. 800-799-7233 Did you call the number. Yeah. What is it. [National Domestic Violence Hotline] Woah. That was a long bonus scene. Well, Now here's a PSA. AND A PSA? YES. A PSA. You know what the fucked up thing about all this is, The Legend of Supacree is a true story. All of it. ALL OF IT?! ALL OF IT!? YES. Even the part about– YES. Especially that part. Woah. Damn. I think i'm gonna be sick. Shut up, Dillon Francis. No, but seriously– This is the story of how I got my heart broken so bad. YOU RUINED IT. So, so bad– I HATE YOU. That i started singing about it. NSA, totally *not spying* …are you hearing this. Yes. ILLUMINATI Check this out. Another one down. And how when you start making music– What is this. it's hoe math. And that music actually comes from a really real place. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. really real shit starts happening. You–killed yourself. well , to be fair–I lost everything first. Congratulations. Thx. Here's a skrillex. WHT. Kbye. Really, really, really. What, the fuck Dillon Francis, crawled inside of you to live and made it'self at home? Idon'tknow. What is in this sauce? Just–kill him. What, i can't just. Just kill him, while nobody is watching. Please don't kill me. Shut up, man. I'm having a thought process. Okay, that's it. FUCK DILLON FRANCIS. That's the spirit. THAT IS THE SPIRIT. IT'S THE HOLY SPIRIT. Who the fuck is this. It's–Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ? Jesus Christ?! JESUS CHRIST i'M BACK, MOTHERFUCKER. Wait, are you claiming that the second coming of the messiah is upon us?! YES. Well,Technically, it's the third. And it's all because of Dillon Francis?! I Please stop this HATE Help YOU. Fuck, dude. I know, huh. What did he DO. The third?! How did we miss that?! Uh, you didn't. [HITLER, being HITLER] (he was mad) Okay, that's it. You can't write any of this. Uh, I can. I just did. Technically, I'm dead: this is just a voiceover It's an 80's style PSA You can't say Hitler was the messiah. That's offensive. Everything is offensive. FUCK YOU DILLON. I'msosorry NOTYETYOU'RENOT. Wait, whatever happened to Skrillex. SKRILLEX is waiting outside of the alleged home of SUPACREE's “distant relatives” Lol is he for real at her mom's house. well , to be fair, he's like–looked everywhere else. Ur right. That was a lot of dimensions. So. like. Fuck, i didn't even have that much coffee. It just goes on forever. [DILLON FRANCIS STILL HAS HOTSAUCE IN HIS PUDGY LITTLE EYES] Good. Cause if I see the pupils, i'm wasting him. You think you can do better than this. Better than this? Yes. Yes. Then do it. Alright, is the PSA over? No, not yet. I gotta say one more thing. What is it? Would you ever have done it, Or would you ever be honest If you had, Handed her a lesson, Or a stretch of the past From the present moment, My heart, and my mind And my lover I present you this honor From now on to nowhere I no longer… Want to be near you Or to know you Or to hear you Or to fear you No longer… Want to feel you Or to touch you Or to have you Or to hold you Or to love you No longer, I no longer want you Devastating, A song stuck in my head for a whole world I wonder how long it would take to go back there A room full of actors, A manager, Never a backpack to wear Just a handful of hats, One director, Eventually producer Just now a showrunner Look at how long that took. I had to wonder what auroras in the north thought of someone like Sonny. They showed me. Now I can love you no longer So much for getting acquainted Funny what age equates to in ageless An infinite wisdom, I dismissed him, Nor, would I believe that he ever would hit her, but Some might belong in such a category Though i carry the marks and the scars Of what my once- husband did to me –but no longer. I haven't a heart in the world left But a broken one, made of amethyst. Fuck off, Dillon Francis. A calculated attack on my psyche. I like it a lot, But i'm fonder of sodom. WHAT. Are you saying you woul actually participate in an orgy! Oh GOD no! Oh, Good, cause– But i'd host one. WHAT. The hedonists are a fun bunch. Oh my God. Though, Nowadays, of course, I haven't the slightest idea what to call them. I saw the future. Well, obviously, if you've headlined EDC you've seen the future. I remember all of it. That must be awful. Why don't you remember it? Because i don't want to. Not at all. I did once. Then what happened? I hated it so much, i forgot. You forgot on purpose. I had to. Love, or Music. …Music. Love, or Fame. Fame. Okay, ouch. Love, or Music? …Love. Okay. Love, or Fame. Love. Okay. Love, or music? … Isn't that the same thing? Hm. Love, or Fame? ….Why do you keep asking me the same question. I beg your pardon? Why beg? I mean– What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, first you asked me, If would rather have Love or Music. Love. Music. Yes. In my mind, those are synonyms. Neither can really exist without the other. Okay, and Fame. Love and Fame are also synonyms– How so? Ugh, I just made this difficult on myself. It was always difficult. It really wasn't. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U. WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Yo My horizontal monster wants ya Could revert to vert, but lets keep Our options open Covert, __ My heart is broken No window open Who left the draft in –motherfucker My heart is broken I need a lover I need a lover Some one to hug me I need a hug, but And– I'm not fit to touch The hem of your garment The tip of your dick or fit enough to be your girlfriend I guess i'll just have to live with that When I have an itch, I scratch it myself I made the assumption you can't, And moved passed it But something's been calling me out, from the past Something's been calling me back to the magic I can't get around that Do you hate me? I can see that I'll just make my way back to the beginning Though I'm envious And i pity her, The both of you really There's nothing left between us except Insanity//Infinity Kendrick Style Flow Don't key my car: You'll be callin collect! I got rearview mirrors in the back of my head Don't get up right now, son– Go back to bed I got kids all over, be pulling my leg! Luke, I am your Father! Oh My Oh My God On top of the Watchlist You make money off dope; I made it on craigslist Still be sniffin that coke But now i'm on A list I'm the greatest Ey Miss! I missed too many calls (Airplane Mode) I just started my day (Whole Workload) I might need a buffet (Like Whole Foods) Sashe, Pas De Bourre (That's a code word) No dance floor? Now you're done for My forte Four-to-the-floor Hardcore I drop bass on the encore Front row won't go But i'm already out the front door You don't know I just hopped inside the helicopter, or chopper, chopped broccoli in my cup That's supper; Sleep/ Wake then Surf's up In the morning When i got there (Coastal show, Shower, Then another club Encore Front row lined up I'm already at the front door They want more I'm too sore, for sure Off subject, I dropped in Harder than Paulie On my surfboard (Another code word) This is my world: Another club, Then I'm off for a monday Or somethin' Write another song At the buffet –Tales of a Superstar DJ Amen. Fuck! I didn't even get to watch desperate housewives! Don't fuck with her! She's a trained assassin! GET ON THE GROUND. NO! GET ON THE GROUND– OR I WILL SHOOT YOU! SO? IF I SHOOT YOU, YOU WILL DIE. OK? “OK”? YOU WILL DIE. YEAH, AND? Kind of frustrating hunting down somebody who already has a deathwish. What do you do with someone who has no fear of death. Give them life. I'm telling you, we probably shouldn't be doing this. *shrugs* You split yourselves into two entirely separate individuals at once, just so you could see whose dick is longer? Technically, three entirely separate individuals. THIS ISN'T FAIR. Do you ever think? Sometimes, but it's usually pretty gross. I mean about the implications of these things! You are the implications of these things! I split my soul ONE time into 8 BILLION or so individuals, before this even had happened. WOAH, WHAT HAPPENED. I'm giving you planetary confinement. What. You–can stay here. On this planet. No. It's racist–and primitive. No– And you're black. Please– I'm leaving. –don't– –and i'm taking your portal gun with me. YOU PUT A PORTAL ON MY FACE?! Genius. Incredible. I didn't think it would be a big deal. He has two! Okay, time for work. But i didn't even sl– Coffee. Ouh. … … — I don't think we should be doing this TIA We probably shouldn't. TAMERA We very much shouldn't. What are you guys doing. Nothing. SHh. Summoning the devil. It's not the devil. It might be. Hush. Is that a pentagram. Technically it's a star, with a circle around it. That's a pentagram. It's not a pentagram! Is that a ouiji board? NO. Yes. Let me see. Ugh! I wanna help. MEANWHILE. MORGAN FREEMAN enters an empty train car: Oh God, This. Yes it is! What!? Are you dead! Entirely empty, that is–besides SUPACREE. No, you are! Great, so you're dead! I'm–not dead. Is Bob Saget with you? I'm not DEAD. What about Fraiser? What? Kelsey Grammer! God rest his soul. SEE! I'm not dead– [beat, an eerie shadowy silence in the dimly lit traincar] I'm a Legend. What. I wrote that/ You wrote that. What. Ugh. Look. Morgan Freeman. [Morgan Freeman] I–am–like a paranoid schizophrenic, or something– So, who isn't?! It might be catatonic, I don't know–I got this whole dead-hand–thing–going on. What is that? I don't know. It might just be too much deadmau5. I don't understand. No, Morgan Freeman. I don't understand. Anything about this life. Or this world. The fourth dimension. I definitely don't know anything about that. You're in it. Whatever. Look. [Morgan Freeman] God, you have so many freckles. [Morgan Freeman] Look. I got problems. We all do! Nah, not like–Hollywood problems, I'm like, a real psycho and shit. Sounds like Hollywood. Everything sounds like Hollywood–because nothing is real anymore–everything is for the gram, the points don't matter–nothing actyally matters. At all. Oh? Oh. The train comes to a sudden halt, the lights dim theatrically. Not even this? [pause] He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golden pinata; You know who gave it to me? …Who? Got ya. He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golde pinata ; Fuck dude, i'm too tired to write this. But you kind of have to. I mean i don't have to. YOU HAVE TO. I–WHAT? YOU HAVE TO DO IT. WHY. BECAUSE OTHERWISE I DON'T EVEN EXIST; Then don't exist… I'M JUST A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN YOUR SHOW. Come on Drew, knock it off. Wait, is this Drew Carey, or Barrymore. Either or. That's why I didn't write the characters name. Well, which is it? It literally doesn't matter. Yes it does. Honestly?! It could be both! We just shoot it with both and keep whichever one we like better! But how do we know which is actually “better?” Just do it and mix it–cut it up together or something–I don't know! Cut takes! Cut Takes! Ooh, did someone say CUPCAKES. Don't mind if i DO. Well, I do! Why?! What's wrong?! Yeah! What's the big deal! I'm on a gluten free-thing Oh yeah? Keto. Or someshit. I don't know. Oh. Oh. So you don't want these No, I don't. And you wouldn't mind if I– Come on, man. So Good. Grow up. Hey man, i'm pushin 40. Well, I pushed 40–and it pushed back. Get your cupcakes out of my face. You're no fun. Hey! Aren't you that one guy from rick and morty. Formerly. Oh yeah! That's right! You were Rick AND Morty. Hence the name. Wow. Phewf. I heard about that. Yeah, me too. Sounds real bad, how that turned out. Such a shame. Speaking of shame– You're speaking, I'm snacking. That's not that clever. We'll work on it The point is, he's eating the cupcakes. That's not–wait a minute–hold on. What now? How are we ever gonna get these three guys in a room together. [Meanwhile, in another dimension–these three are tied up (read: bound and gagged) in a room together. –Let alone to agree to this!? SUPACREE removes the gag from the man's [JOSH PECK'S] mouth. I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS. That's what she said! Hey! That's not fair! I was never caught up in a scandal! The key word, I believe, is “never caught” That's two words! SHUTTHEFUCKUP. How many words is that? I WANT MY LAWYER!!!! For what? This isn't court. Wouldn't you want the police first? WELL THEN, I WANT THE POLICE. The Police are here. Wait, they are? Oh, thank God Not so fast. THE POLICE enter with full entourage. Introducing: The Police–playing their number one greatest smash hit! Groupies: Woooo! STING I hope you ladies bought the meet-and-greet package, if you know what I mean. *winks awkwardly* You know what I mean. Oh my God. Since you dudes love doing creepy dude shit, I brought some more notoriously creepy dudes to sing the literally creepiest song ever written about being a creepy dude. That's not fair. But it's funny. THE POLICE Begin to play ‘I'll be Watching You” –and they're gonna play it on loop until I get back with your other-dimensional selves so we can fix all this. “WE” “FIX ALL THIS” WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Nobody seems to know. “--I'll be watching you–” I was FRAMED. CUT TO a golden pocket watch, a wrist watch, a compass–it changes and morphs so quickly that it begins to seem to spin time itself into a whirlwind, until finally a portal opens up from within his hand–a portal which quickly devours him entirely, morphing him into Fuck, what the fuck happened after that Idk I got off the train I guess This is really terribly written INT. SAM ASH MANHATTAN. DAY. A tiny conga for 90 dollars I could die in here Maybe I am just like you I find my way to the prettiest thing in the room And have my way with it Just for a few minutes Consume it, then move on Saw Madison dancing badly on Madison Avenue It's okay, You're a white girl So everybody loves you Everybody loves you Everybody loves you, no matter what you do. As for me, I can't say when I'm going through But you couldn't do it, Madison That's as bad as being at a standst

america god love jesus christ music american new york amazon time health new york city trust father hollywood earth man house rock los angeles work moving hell mexico training young speaking canadian games building dj creator writing balance fitness devil focus coffee holy festival dad satan write forever mom open drop kanye west funny police plan tales utah greek dead record bbc alive grammy fame mayors heroes code humans wake dark beyonce rain stuck standing matrix sick straight hits legends switch happy birthday consequences member hire math cat adolf hitler broke finish letting go humble billion incredible vegan gurus falling in love blame wear genius honestly hole distractions throw ab orange gotta lol curiosity complex hungry fuck proud karma soft tempo lying congratulations weak amen wtf balls bronx anxious loud logic providence david bowie heartbreak harder hanging saves bitch excuse membership counting yellow similar gross apology psa awkward ir doc shut siri signal nuts grammy awards copyright shazam shenanigans beverly hills pages won get out bach keto nah wonderland cosmos ludwig van beethoven whole foods shower forgot hades dudes illuminati ka pay attention spur progression signature californians sd thousand backwards encore rick and morty cont aha fucking voodoo mm nsa sir soleil underworld morgan freeman jimmy fallon lay technically autopilot bury annihilation int reached petite hugs devastating sauna hush nevermind ur consume equinox jk heroic coastal kisses absurd acoustic tie handle handed lovin family guy star is born la croix irony montages hm duh nothin michael j fox diplo framed amit subscriptions rr sweeping idk only god nda jinx im m tits cupcakes skrillex caucasians obsidian edc brownies covert keisha hahaha beeps augmented oh god mmm benz ew death wish oh my god aw copycat tantric opposites careless shhh sentimental dammit vinegar tit deadmau5 midtown in the heights kaskade goddamn good one marty mcfly lemme raves summoning metadata gazing fuckin horus sunni thx insatiable ahem edx losc pasquale collateral damage dan harmon lmfao mistrust moog moo whole foods market kelsey grammer stop it fonda carved dillon francis gawd jesus no motherfuckers drew carey dan schneider shitting hah cyanide awww aww 1d ext uhhh eucalyptus shh god is real josh peck fangirls suite life barrymore fka uhh chuck taylor serato he said end credits captain crunch gimmie sunn windex fraiser commercial break lin manuel control room hard reset buti uhm minnie riperton fuck it god yes ahah arrr agh oreo cookies god not jesus look icee come undone watching you god right tox what the fuck cdjs i hate you lost lands probably not polars wht get fucked it hurts rekordbox carless best dance bothersome minnie ripperton ouh shredded wheat lookie dog blood superstar dj acension let me out waht ahaha hve i am ready curving lampshades beverly center honey smacks you will die phoenixx vip vip dj world by chance this is my house oh come on who did this you're dead to me phewf wheeeeeee

{The Suite Escape}

Cup of Hemlock Theatre Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 10, 2023 58:48

Enter The Multiverse x Legends x LOSC x Acension x Deathwish x Secret President x Gerald's Workd x Tales of A Superstar DJ x The Suite Life of Sunnï Blū / The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū ... did I miss something? probably oh well. so far, on all these shows: [The Legend Returns] Really Bad Mixtape (Might as well get it out of the way now) Killst_rr (Instrumental) Sleep Deprivation Sequence You're not you when you're not you. Hoe_math Exactly what it sounds like. [UnderWorld.] R-R 1 -rarity. [i Come Undone.] AtPLAY Live Mix [Autopilot.] {A Star Is Born.} For fear of fire; Best not to wander off, With no back track– Might have forgotten the rest, but It wasn't a poem, or part of a song At least, not yet Fuck man. I really want to sample this. Can't sample deadmau5; he's a bitch about paperwork. You cant technically say that. I mean, I technically didnd't. Just let your fingers do the talking. Ooh, look at that one. What are you doing. Some online shopping. For what. A man-thing. You're better off letting your back end Handle the conversation Then again, When in search of a venue Anything with the proper connections And stereo systems Will do in the moment. What do you want? To get rid of my hiccups. That's it: *huccups* yu-p. Wow, that's– Have you ever thought about just– I've thought about just about everything–that's how you got here. I'm gonna go ahead and admit–there's too much going on in my head. It's a lot. I'm gonna need a nap. GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME. *sheath/ swoard* Is that the sword of skrillex. Yeus. Give it to me. *stabs in thigh* Oooh. Not the balls! fair. Around the world we go Around we go again Here we are Oh no, It's the same song Over and over I'd like you to love to today (I'd love to forget for a moment I haven't) I know before long, we get older and older All wrong, It's the same one, Over and over. Have you seen my butt plugs? NO! GROSS. It's alright. I'll just pick some up on the way. AGGH. Better yet, can you just put in the order on amazon AmAZoN. Yes. (I'm so happy Amazon has anal plugs.) Please stop now. You're being a baby about this–just- You know what. Nevermind. I'll do it myself. Please do that. Siri– Oh my God. Alexa–reorder from Amazon. Come on focus. …hmm…now what was I doing? A B L E T O N *spinning rainbow wheel of doom* …seems like it was something. Come on….FOCUS. Hm. When's the last time you had a marshmello. Flashback: [BONFIRE: Burning The Skrillex] *Also making smores* CUT BACK TO: Like never, I'm vegan. PASQUALE WAKE. UP. Holy shit. It's you again. It's always me. Last time you were like 26. Well, now i'm this age. Wait, how old are you. Wouldn't you like to know. There's a lot of things i'd like to know about you, Pasquale, that's not even near the top of the list. Speaking of “top of the list”-- I do have a lot of things to do today. Oh yeah, what's that? I don't know. A bunch of crap. Speaking of crap– This is a lot of speaking. Happy Birthday. What is this. It's Captain Crunch. Yes it is. What is it doing in my lap. That's your lunch. I–no, it isn't. It is. No, i'm vegan. Well, that's the “happy” part in “happy birthday” No… Yes, actually. This is – It is– Vegan. Damn. Jinx. You owe me a Pererier. Shut up. Or a LaCroix. I'll taka a LaCroix. You're so LA. I guess that makes you Beverly Hills– Or Pacific Palisades. Is that Annexed. It is “LA” What else is in this? No animal product… “Yellow 6” It reads! What happened to yellow 1-5? A whole story. Yes, but not a whole food. “Yellow 6?!” That's the chemical complex you need to find yourself in the right dimension. Exactly. What's wrong with this dimension? What isn't? I'm in it! You're in it! Like I said. What– Just eat it. Ugh– happy trails. *disappears* Ugh. I gave that dude too much money. Fuck, what was I doing again. Deadmau5. Uhm, no i was– Deadmau5. Deadmau5. OOOOOH> YES. I KNOW IT'S YOU, YOU SLIMY MOTHERFUCKER. Stop it. YOU STOP IT. I KNOW IT'S YOU. Who is it? STOP IT. Stop–doing that. I know you're deadmau5. I most certainly am not. I know its you. I have boobs. How did you do this. I did–n't. That's right. Fuck, what happened. Nothin. Now I gotta kill my stupid brother. You have a brother?! SKRILLEX. GET IN HERE. Fuck, run. I gotta go. Go where. Uhm. Somewhere else. DILLON, THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE. IT WAS NEVER FUNNY. (It was funny to me.) God does have a sense of humor. AHAH–AHAHA–HAHAHA. As it turns out, not the absolute best sense of humor. Oh—he's okay! He's okay! No, he's dead. He's definitely dead. But a sense of humor, nonetheless. Fuck man. What did you do to Dillon Francis. Nothing. I just got him drunk On what?! Cyanide? Okay, I don't even know what that is. He's a corpse. –but a pretty one. C'mon. Be serious. I can't. Why not. It's hilarious, kinda. This isn't funny. No, it's hilarious. He earned it. He “earned” it? Well, yes– He is dead. I mean, it's a long story; but he brought it upon himself, honestly. “Honestly” Please. PLease. Please. No, I said. PLEASE. I SAID NO. What's this story. That's ten. I win. Fuck. DILLOn WAkE UP. *smacks* ahah. I think it's working I think he's waking up. He's not waking up. He must be. He's laughing. He's not laughing He said “haha' *smacks* haha . See. *smacks* Mm. This shit smacks HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKSSSS. Oh shit, is this the 90s. HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKSSS. *slams* GIMMIE MY HONEY SMACKS. That's it. There's no more. AW, COME ON. Sorry, that's all there is. WHAT. But yu can have captain crunch. I DON'T WANT CAPTAIN CRUNCH. I WANT HONEY SMACKS. I'm sorry, there are no more Honey Smacks. You can have Captain Crunch, or Shredded Wheat. GRAMPA Shredded Wheat is MY favorite. Ugh. Mm. Honey Smacks. I HATE YOU. Be nice to your brother. Lol. Everything about Dillon's eyes makes him devastating. Who plays tiny Dillon? I don't know. There are like nine in the script. It shouldn't be hard to cast. We'll go to utah. Fucking. I hate Utah. WELCOME TO UTAH. Nice. Alright, well, what other grounds are there to cover, here? DILLOn FRANCIS I am not doing this project. Of course you are–it's in your contract. What contract. The one you signed. Which–no–I didn't. But you did. SUNNI BLU I got you a drink. DILLON FRANCIS That looks fruity. SUNNI BLU Try it. DILLON FRANCIS *sips* DILLON FRANCIS CONT'D What's in this. Just– drink it. SUNNI BLU Don't look at me like that. DILLOn FRANCIS Like what. SUNNI BLU Do you need a mirror? DILLON FRANCIS I– SUNNI BLU Look down. DILLON FRANCIS *does* SUNNI BLU *flicking nose* Made you look. haha . DILLOn FRANCIS Wow. [takes drink] SUNNI BLUThat's the spirit. But literally there's a mirror between your feet, if you need one. [there literally is] SUNNI BLU CONT'D The floor is made of mirrors DILLOn FRANCIS *suddenly inebriated* Oh wow. SUNNI BLU The whole club turns into a disco ball. DILLON FRANCIS *suddenly very inebriated* That's–convenient. SUNNI BLU It is. SHIA DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS. If my dreams were not just dreams, everyone in here would have a lawsuit against me. A lot of us do. Carry on, then. SKRILLEX BLAIGH. Oh shit, its you again. I swear to God, I thought I killed this nigga. Are you sure it was him? SKRILLEX !!!! No. Alright, i've almost got it. Almost got what. This whole– thing. Oh. –and–it's gone. Really, that quick. I don't think you understand what's happening. You're right, i don't understand what's happening at all. Oh shit. I'm deadmau5. Nice. Fuck it, lets do some trolling. Alright alright. BUT FIRST, COFFEE. Fuck dude, I don't think I should have anymore coffee. Too late. deadmau5. ok . Deadmau5. Nice. D–0 DOn'T D o THis, I'M WARNING YOU. …. If you open that portal, there's no going back. *opens portal* Now you've done it. *goes into portal* Fuck. *portal closes neatly* *facepalm* *entire series of cosmos collapse in the great distance–time begins to stretch and bend uncontrollably* Come on, just let me lick the balls. NO. I'll give you a cookie. well … OH my GAWD. What. Come here, you have to see this. What the fuck is that. I don't know. Should i pick it up? No, don't touch it! He picked it up. Oh, gross. What is this. I don't know. I think it's fanfiction. Who wrote it. Idk. somefangirl. Fangurl. FaNGiRls. Well, Hey, at least i'm not a groupie. OH COME ON, JUST LET ME SUCK IT. GET AWAY FROM ME. PLEASE. i'LL GIVE YOU $40. -well. NOW, A COMMERCIAL BREAK. Since when does this show have commercials. It doesn't. I want to talk to Jimmy Fallon. That's–not happening. Why not. JIMMY FALLON BECAUSE I HAVE A CONTRACT WITH NBC. There he is– Nice. JIMMY FALLON YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I AM A FAMILY MAN, OKAY. Is that like Family Guy? By Chance?! SETH MCFARLENE (with super long hair) *crossing fingers* I'm hoping so. JIMMY FALLON Not even close! SETH MCFARLENE *snaps* Dammit. Oh, I get it. It's like–The Cofffee run Which “coffee run” THE coffee run. We'll have to admit, it's probably the most watched coffee run of all time. Of all of them. You know what? Fuck it, fire me. I'm doing this show. What?! JImmy. Why on EARTH would you ever agree to something like this. JIMMY FALLON THE COSMIC AVENGER Because–it's my duty. Yo. You know that song that everybody knows? You know the song because everybody knows this song. It goes: Lovin you– is easy cause youre beautiful. do - do- do - do- do- do- do… Yeah. You know that song. But you probably don't know who sings it. I'll tell you who sings it. That song is by an artist called Minnie Ripperton. That's a mouthful. Yeah, one hell of a name, huh. Well, that's the lady who sings the song. It's Minnie Riperton. Now, let me tell you something else you probably don't know: Something I probably wouldn't know if I wasn't a DJ But i know this, because I'm a DJ AND MAYA RUDOLPH WAUT A MINUTE. What the fuck, Maya Rudoph, are you doing in my bathroom at 5 AM It's 1:15 in the afternoon. I'm a DJ. It's 5 AM. That's making sense. I know it is. What's not making sense. Is why you're in my bathroom drinking a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. So it is. *slurps milkshake* *sitting on toilet* *slurps* What do you want. You want to know what I want? Apparently, a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. OK. OK. OK so what. Finish the script. –What? Fuck dude, how does this song sound good every time? Congratulations, you've gone entirely insane. beep-boop . [DJ] B00p beep. [Music Producer] Beep-beep. 0.c. Do not fall dangerously in love; Do not pass go Do not collect $200 Or any of it For any reason, For any of it For any of them Just keep it pushin; Just keep it private Just hold it all in and Do not let go Do not fall in love Do not pass go Do not unload Do not walk Do not cross here Do not It smells like butter. But you're vegan. I know. Do you think you're having a stroke. God, I fucking hope so. GOD You WHAT. I want to die. GOD I thought i heart you right. You heard me right–a THOUSAND times. I want to die. Take me out of this life. GOD Not until you make dubstep. WHAT. GOD You gotta make a grammy-winning dubstep album. I what. GOD Or at least nominated. No, I don't. GOD Beg your pardon. I'm not begging. GOD What are you getting at, hon? Look; Am I not one with the source? GOD Uhm–you are. Alright, Then: everything is everything. GOD Yes. And everyone is everyone. GOD This is true. So i'm Skrillex. GOD Skrillex is Skrillex So I Am. GOD … And I already won a grammy. GOD … Like a bunch of them, right. GOD Uh. So technically– GOD YOu know what. I can't argue with that logic. This isn't ableton. No. This is Logic. What the fuck. That's not Serato. No, that's Rekordbox. What the fuck is this. These are CDJs. There's no hot cues! What the fuck is a “HOT CUE” This is not food. What the fucking sauce. I'm warning you, Pasquale. Get off my lawn. THIS IS MY HOUSE. Your house it is not. *House music starts blasting* *lasers* sprinklers* dancers* WHAT THE FUCK. It's voice activated, I just– How did you do this?! What. WHAT DID YOu DO. AND WHEN. I don't know! I just took the delorean, like you said. You were supposed to find Dillon Francis. I did! The problem was, when I found the right one, he was dead! What? He's dead? Presumably! What do you mean by that!? It's a long story! WELL, HOW LONG? SUNNI BLU About as long as my dick! WHO IS THAT. I told you it's a long story. Well, let me in! Sorry Pasquale. No Can do. What. Why not. Cause you're on a federal watch list. What. Yeah. Sorry. Wait… You should probably leave before the feds get here. What? Unless you want to stay and party on the lawn but–not recommended. This is bizarre. The police arrive, surrounding Pasquale on the yard–moving in to arrest him. WAIT. SUPACREE turns away from the window; inside, a room full of her aliases sit looking somewhat miserably; SUPACREE!!! [Pasquale is handcuffed and i dragged off of the lawn] SUPACREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Careless, Acoustic–deadmau5 SUPACREE pours a bowl of captain crunch, taking one colossal bite and sits down in THE CONTROL ROOM at a large computer console; inhaling from a can of nitrous oxide. I'm the worst DJ ever. SUPACREE places the fames deadmau5 helmet atop her head and begins working at the computer promptly, clicking away; Now is deadmau5 I don't even know what key this song is in. MEOWINGTONS, Alive and well purrs and stretches, then settles atop SUPACREE/deadmau5's lap. This is insane. I don't know what's happening. END CREDITS. V. O. Lovin' You, Minnie Ripperton Carless, deadmau5 idk how i'm gonna mix that. Trust me. Anything can be mixed. Anything. [When it] Turns out, The bottom of your heart Was the tip of the Ice Berg And the whole ship has [s]unk[en], [&] I[t]'s probably ice cold At the bottom of the ocean; I'll tell you where i'm from Why, I'll tell you anything for About one dollar Turns out, I've already got one eye on you; One eye'd sad heart I should probably roll out my art on you [I probably should not] One man bought a kiss, Another, a whole night from her– One man bought a whole farm The other, a Whole Foods Market –and you can't even franchise those Amazon's got a monopoly We were playing for corners of earth, All i got was some kandi, Subscriptions to candidly, Actually, I really liked the tree trial (I think i'll wait a week, sorry) When it turns out The world that you wanted Was actually hours already The dollar you got Was also borrowed And the money they wanted and got Was just actually stolen from someone else They bought all the food up And sold it for profits I promise this avocado Once costs nothing at all But you wanted that car for your daughter She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it My mom, on my honor Of all the garages in Lost Lands, I promise the owner of it was The first to go last, And the last to come home Now he's on his own alter And also the worshiper; How do you go back? Oh, you don't Oh you don't Oh, you don't wanna know that But i was of course, All of your rock bottoms It's bottoms and tops, and We don't let the top fall over, We're counting up crumbs And this muffin costs $24 dollars Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks For the dead homies Not dead in the general sense But just in the head, the heart, And the soul The homeless are happier at McDonalds Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere I'll avoid the power struggle at operations for about 18 dollars and 56 sense (Please, keep the pennies) I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's Something indecent, or decadent Whichever it is Cause i'm better of with the memory of it Than actually dragging it in. –I'm a cat again. Ouch. Shut up. It HURTS. Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics. YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid. Yes, but lucily for you– –or, for him– Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid. –Ouch– –Shut up. That we know of. George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* Lookie here boys: What is it? –I'm leaving. Oh, you're gonna wanna hear this. What. I found the first “whites only” water fountain since 1962. Okay, what do you want? A deal. Oh, I'll give you a deal. Cash up front. [He presents a one dollar bill] Is this enough. [beat] Where are you going with this? Nowhere, fast. YO. What now, dude. SHE'S ONTO US. I doubt that. Look at this. I highly doubt– *gaaassp* Shenanigans! You know what I like about you, Ariana? Everything. Hah. Hm. You know how to keep a secret. I don't know what you're talking about. Exactly. *rolls eyes, flips hair.* Well, here's another one for you. –Another what? This is how my darkness becomes your darkness. I already have enough on my own. I know. You don't know. Only God knows. MOM! Don't ask me again. This is heavy, Doc. What is it? The soup! It's too heavy. Too much cream? Way too much! I have a meeting! Meeting with who? The Hollywood People. When? Soon–what time is it? I don't know. Dammit! Why don't you have any clocks in your house? I only just recently remembered what a clock was. Oh! Here. [God produces a small pocket watch and presents it to him; it's nearly noon on EARTH; But the two are sharing a meal of course in the famed kitchen of the Creator in the TImeless VOID.] Ah, Jesus Christ! He's not here… I'm gonna be late. Now, now; You know I wouldn't let that happen– [a smug look| Hugs and Kisses. [As they embrace, he disappears into a mist of light and stardust, fading away from the void and into the exterior world; he realizes God has slipped him the watch; he flips it open to reveal the time: it is now 11:44] Amazing. V.O. Now you won't wait so long to visit. [He places the wach in his pocket and walks into the studio] MICHAEL J. FOX has been asked to reprise his role as MARTY MCFLY many times before; But never for a project like this. ____ Meanwhile, What am I going to do with you? [The Festival Project.™] YOU'RE DEAD TO ME! –I'm dead to everyone! Don't do this. You wanted to come to the other side. No, I didn't. We'll you're here anyway; Might as well stay awhile. With eyes like burning fire And saddles for the riders The horse begins to gallop (or the horses, rather) On the mark to beating drums To move them forward faster What the fuck is this. idk. Kx5. *-* !_! Here u go Wat is this. it's a dragon. Oh, thats nice. Ya. Whats it do. Idk. dragon things. ok. Don't put it in ur bathroom. Why. idrk. Hm. † Hey. Ugh–No, Kaskade, go away. It's me, Ryan! No, Get out! I'm No† Ka–k (gags) –skade! Gross! It's just Ryan! I promise! NO. GET OUT. Lmfao. Right. This show is fantastic. Who was that. Fucking–Kaskade again! Are you sure. Ugh. Looks like Ryan. Kaskade is Kaskade. {shrugs] Dudes a creep. “Kaskade Ruins Lives” Is this the same episode as before? Eventually, yes. Wasn't I doing something Are you goona let this go? Um. Well I'm fucked. Why, what happened. Obsidian. That should do Unsobsidian. Okay, i'm fucked, Well, what's this? An Oreo Cookie. I mean, sitting next to it. Oh, its a portal gun. Raves are not just raves– A party is not simply a “party” –These big festivals –they're diversions. –DIstractions. Distractions from what. If you were supposed to know, –you'd know. it wouldn't be so important that you go. Why is it? These ancient rituals… It's occult magic. They've got it down to a science. The government funds this. The government funds everything. WoooooooW. It's not really a secret, if you can google it. ‘-complications.' I'm lost somewhere, gone HIppopatamus feeling quite off in the galaxies, galavanting Gazing at Daisies Aces and spades Gone from Heaven to Hades for days On the A– Adjacent Recently dismantling adjectives, Lampshades and matching curtains God it hurts, every day that I think about you; But how can i be about you when You don't even see me, do you Signature consignments, Wrong environments and irony is, I wasn't invited– –but invented it WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Great, now I have to explain myself. You don't have to. What's this space for? Oh, that's the red room. [The Red Room] Well, obviously, but– But what? What's it for? I don't think anybody should read this. HEY. Participation Only– Oh! No peeking! You ever feel like you're doing too much? Yeah, but not for money. Look, we have them surrounded. Our best course of action is to– deadmau5 . What? No– DEADMAU5. Well, are you sure it was a mouse and not a rat? It was a mouse. I know the difference. Do you, though? Look, I've lived in Mexico and New York City. So. In Queens. Oh. That's mathematically impossible. I mean it's not–impossible. No, it's not just impossible. It's mathematically impossible. Has it ever occurred to you that the DJ World in entirety exists outside of the realm of math and science? What is this. Just–enjoy the rave. No. What is this. Look at the firewoooorkkks! Woo EDC… NO. What is this right here. BEFORE: Hey, you still got that balloon? Yeah. Lemme see it. Dude, what are you doing? …I'mma go catch me a DJ. THIS IS NUTS. I can't feel my face. What do you call this? Collateral Damage. Look, I'm going to have to take frequent trips to the bathroom. ok . And–uhh– and. Uhh– Why did you call me over here. Cause i can. Look. this is not magic. This is not science. This is not “voodoo” Voodoo is magic. It's just music. W H E R E D I D H E G O O O O O I don't know. Fuck dude, I fucked up. Once again– Of course you did. What did you do this time? I might have evaporated someone with my fat fucking bass. Nice. Way to go. Yeah. Wait. … Did you just say. HE JUST He deserted me. SO WAIT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HERE? ALRIGHT, WHO THREW A ROCKSTAR IN MY TENT? JEFF Alright, lets go. WHO DID THIS. So what's this place. Lets not let this conversation resurface. This is a 21 Plus Event. What about VIP VIP is 25 Plus. What about that place. Sorry kids. [NO ENTRY] We gotta get in there. So then they wanted an Encore. Did you give them an encore? NO, i was already at my hotel room. Then how did you know that they wanted an encore? WHICH IS IT, THE WYNN, OR THE ENCORE. FUCK, I DON'T REMEMBER. Please, who stays at the Encore for EDC? Have you literally never been out with rich people? No, I literally just got rich. Oh, nice. So, wait, like– Here we go. Dillon Francis has just always been rich? Uh-huh. And Skrillex has always been rich? Yes. Definitely. And deadmau5. deadmau5 is Canadian. OH MY GOD. W E L C O M E I'm going to need your absolute discretion about this. Alright. Sign this waiver. …this is a…pretty heavy packet. I'll wait. I've never signed an NDA like that in my life. Lil' biiiiiiiiiiiiiitzzzz Can we just admit it's weird that we live in an era where “NDA” is household jargon. And like, everyone knows what it means. Everyone knows what an NDA is. I appreciate the sentiments Isn't it weird how it sets in automatically? Autopilot, go. Aww, i don't want to be Autopilot. You're on autopilot. I don't really have to think about it anymore, I'll have to sleep on it Wear a white t-shift, Hear the applause of the audience, Eat it You wanna know what I think? You want to know what I'm drinking? You know what I need? An Icee, (cause I see you typing) An awful Omnipotence A God of Mirages No more carbohydrates, I gotta get all thin; Forgot to acknowledge Whether or not i'm turning this off soon I are. I…”are” I are. Infinite Reality. OH. I. R. IR! IR! IRV I ARE. Suddenly, I remember the taste of talcum powder As If I were Moving backwards In time, Like, Why, God on earth would My mom let me try that, But if i'm honest, Fuck man, I hate deadmau5– There's just too much in here. Beep boop. I love deadmau5. It's so simple. What is this, MATH?! THIS IS AERODYNAMICS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE AERO DYNAMICS DId you mean what you said about that? I meant everything I said. Goddammit, fuck this, I was in the middle of a really complex poem In realtime, listening to deadmau5 Having a partially out of body spiritual experience, Entirely fucking sober FACEPALM BLŪ 8facepalming dramatically in frustration* NOBODY IS EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN ANY OF THIS. beepboop. YO. Oh, I forgot my open form poetry, or my mom How my mom once allowed me to gnaw on talcum powder But who can blame her That was a hard one It was a past life And now ive Got Another One HOly shit what version of the cube is this. 1D. What. You'll get it. Wait. Have you ever stopped for a minute to think– I can't stop for a minute, especially just to “think” [Literally stops for a minute to think.] No fucking way, uh-uh. Come on, man. No. I ain't time travelin' wit deadmau5. Come on– NO. –that someone else has already figured all of this out and that's how any of it is possible in the first place. Alright, i'm gonna need some mind-altering drugs for this. What are you doing. Voluntary Ego Death. I– Wait. Why would you. Get out of my brain. I am your brain. Take care, now. Holy shit, it seems like she's getting more evil. That's because she's definitely more evil ALRIGHT, I'M TIRED OF THIS: WHERE IN THE FUCK IS SKRILLEX. MEANWHILE INT. IN THE FUCK. DAY. *rings doorbell* AT YOUR MOM'S HOUSE. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME. I'm not joking, that's…literally the answer to your question. Oh. Fuck. What dude. We gotta go back. I left the keys in the pocket of the guy I shapeshifted into. Are you serious? It's fine, he can't have gone too far, dude. What do you mean he “left the dimension” He entered a portal. He– wait, excuse me. A portal. A “portal”, dude? Yeah; a portal. What do you mean “a portal” A portal, like— you know, like a portal gun, but not a portal gun, just a portal. Uh huh. Excuse us for a second. What the fuck is this dude talking about? I don't know, man. Humans don't use portals! I know man. What the fuck! Well, wait—how do we know that guy is human. He looks human. Yeah dude but, we look human. Duh! Cause we shifted! Yeah, but, how do we know he's not a shifter. Because, dude, I know a shifter when I see one. Yeah, but—you know, what if he's really good. I highly doubt that. Why? Cause I'm the best. No, I am. Exactly, so we'd know if it was another shifter–cause we're the best shifters! Well, let's at least try to see if he knows anything else about those guys. They were together right? I hope not. No, not like that—like Okay, okay, whatever, let's just… Wait, where'd he go? Excuse me. What up. There was just another guy over here just now— He was like—you know—normal looking guy Tie die* shirt Yeah. Did you see him. Yeah, I saw him. Alright, cool, where'd he go? He left. What?! That was fast! Yeah, well…it happens. Are you sure? Yes. *actually is shifter* [as they walk away, the shifter shifts, and then vanishes into a random portal.] Awww, dammit, Now we're never gonna find this guy. Never say never. Whatever, we're dead. We're always dead. Yeah, but like in modern human slang terms Oh, yeah, that. Anyways, I gotta relieve this human's bladder. I fucking hate this species for this. It is useless. *enters portal potty* [ Wait, whatever actually did happen to Dillon Francis? That's great, I was just getting to that. 19 Pages. Nice. …no, 12. What. [11:12] Okay, I'm gonna kill him. Oh, I banished him. With my fists. Nice. Tits. Nice tits. Thx. Hey man. Hey what. Remember that smudge on the lens. Yeah. It just got bigger. … did you try vinegar instead of Windex. Yes. –IT'S NOT A SMUDGE. Did you try Windex with Vinegar. –IT'S NOT A– Shut up. I'm. So. Hungry. Look, do you want this, or not? Do you feel like any of this is a coincidence? Just quit, it. Dillon Francis. WHERE IS IT? I don't know. Lets kick this up a notch. ILLUMINATI What do you want? … I want the full package. ILLUMINATI Okay, I'm gonna need specifics. How do you even get a job as a courier for the illuminati? [INDEED.COM | ILLUMINATI - COURIER- URGENTLY HIRING] Hm. It was a pretty specific list. I don't even get the point of a barbeque if everyone is vegan Well, The Mayor eats fish. Oh please, where is THAT guy the Mayor of? I don't know. We meet in the Matrix. This is for you. Oh. Do you like it? I– It's not a brothel! It's Member's Only! YOu BUY a Membership. Yeah. And WOMEN. HEy, MAN, YOU CAN BUY DUDES, TOO. SHHH. Oh no. What. What did you do? I gave her my credit card. The Heavy One? Yes, and– “AND” –access to the black market. Cool, I got it. Oh, another auction. Of course another auction. What'd you buy this time? A lifesize deadmau5 bobblehead. What are you gonna do with that? Wouldn't you like to know. Ok, gross. LIL BIIIIIIIITXXXX I love a good deamau5 show. He really does have the best fans, It's a comfortable, safe space. Very inviting. Everyone is happy. What the fuck, dude, this place is a sausage fest. Yeah, that's deadmau5 for ya. Hey, I'm looking for this shithead. Oh, that dude? Yeah, have you seen him? Fuck, I wish this never happened. LIL BIIIIITz If you don't know who deadmau6* is– GET OUT. Jk. but seriously this is easily the most devastating person i've ever seen. Maybe just to me, but. Are you sure that's the right guy? Yeah, that's gotta be him. Is he wearing glasses? Ugh. Oh wait. Damn. ‘Fuck, it is my sapiosexuality, I think' Even if it was perhaps an error, as I might have more than needed a new pair of glasses myself, just the thought of Joel in a pair of specables was suddenly and immediately the equivalent of Dillon Francis sitting down at a piano, or Sonny doing just about literally anything–and I realized, finally, that the most indecent things about myself were quite possibly only happening inside my own mind– Okay, my body does really weird things to this dude's music. Are you sure this is real? No. I love this. Just shut up and do your job. What a nightmare. PLease HElP ME. Hm. That can't be right. What. This translates to H E L P M E Oh, shit, I gotta go. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm always working. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm at work. Well, that was nice and all, but–I gotta get out of here. Where are you going? To shoot myself. Wow, that's one hell of a smile. Just–take it. I'm sorry, i can't accept this. What is even happening in this series? Like, a lot WOULD YOU KIDS SETTLE DOWN. *not settling down* *lil biiiiiiiitz* You know what I wonder? I wonder this I'm sober. I'm just sober sally over here. I didn't get sober. I just am. Cause i'd rather face the pain of this harsh reality with a bite than to dull it out and then wake up in the morning Or–just–whenever– To wake up whenever and be like “OH NO, THIS IS WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE” And the shock of it is so horrible that I just have to repeat that cycle again. ‘OH NOOOOOO” *gets faded* “It's all goooooood” No, it isn't. But i choose to stay like that cause it's like a It's not even a happy medium, It's more like a median-medium But you know what? It makes happier moments more happy And shitter moments less shitty Because i don't have this like drastic spacial Augmented reality or like smoke screen of emotional apathy. I get to feel things way more intensely. I don't have to wonder, ever “oh , did that just happen, cause I was messed up” Or like “would it have happened this way if I was sober” At all. I'm just level– No false sense of Pretty much anything. But i do wonder, though– Like, for people who weren't always sober, and then GOT sober– like , what's the breaking point What's the tip? I always have to sit back and wonder “What did you DO?” Cause you know it had to be something if suddenly “I don't drink anymore” I always wonder, and it's like– no disrespect or anything thing but… I really wanna hear that story. lol . I know you don't wanna tell it (if you can) But wanna hear it. Cause from my point of view. IT's probably hilarious. I know. I'm a dick. Holy shit. What is that. Looks like pasquale went all out with the fireworks this year. …is that a penis? WELCOME HOME It's a giant dick- in-the-sky! GOD IS REAL! JESUS Look, so i've been having second thoughts about this whole thing. What the fuck man. You gotta stop doing shit like this. JESUS I literally can't. I know, but. Okay, look. I'm not writing any of that. You've gotta tell him. NO, RYAN. WELL, WHY NOT. BECAUSE, RYAN. WHY. DEADMAU5 ISN'T REAL. Damn, am I in here. Nice. Of course I am. Well, how'd that happen. This is like a sea of cellphones. Perfect. It was a red car; I wasn't all there, And if you want her, You can have her Fuck. What. I forgot the rest of the verse. It's ok. We gotta move on. No, I gotta go back. For what. For my fans. Aw. What's this. IT's a ceramic mug. Wow, that's nice. I made it Wait. You made that?! Yeah. With your hands?! Yeah. Why would you do that? For you. What. I made it for you? Like, you thought of me first, then you made it? Yeah. WHY? Cause i love you! WOW. Fans are awesome OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *Sometimes. *vomits* … *dies* … *godlessness* [Devastating DJ Moments] I don't get it dawg, all this shit is in your music particles?! “Music particles” UGH. what . That's it. Don't be smart around me. Uh. I'm not smart? No, that won't work; sarcasm is a sign of deeper intelligence. “Sorry” Stop saying that. This is America. S– Don't say it again. Apology not accepted. Don't look at me like that. Like what. With your face. *face* Quick: Say something stupid and random. …I like anime. Oh good, that worked. Thanks. Where are you going? Idk somewhere else. Really, that's it? Yeah. That's all you have to say/ That's literally it. Are you seeing this. Yes. So what's the problem. Oh no, she's stuck in a loop. Throw the whole fan away. [DELETE] Did it work. Did what work. Oh, good. Cool. Wait. See ya later. Did what work? I wish i could just forget about this. Everything? Yeah. Look, this is between me and God–okay? GOD Don't drag me into this. You dragged ME into this! GOD Right. So i could get OUT; So don't drag me back in. Fuck, I remember this. I must have done something important here. Like what. Look, I love you. Great, now what do we do? Bury the body, I guess. *shrugs* Wait, what happened? Somebody dies. OKay, me first. Other Three: Who wants to go next. *still in shock* Fuck man, told you this was a long ass story. *Crying* I'm ruined. What! You went broke? No, i'm still a filthy rich millionaire. I thought you were a billionaire. I am I just *snifs* sometimes I forget that happened. “Sometimes I forget I'm a billionaire” I got to admit, man, I did it to myself. I'm not mad, or anything, but now there's just–certain things I can't do Oh, like what. Not that song. What, why not? You said “anything but Skrillex” this is not Skrillex, this is deadmau5. What's the difference? Okay, that's like saying “What's the difference between deadmau5' and my music?” No, it isn't. How is that not different? That's like comparing the music of Bach and Beethoven to the music of a tattooed hedgehog. You think I look like a hedgehog. No, it's just when I see you and a hedgehog I have all the same thoughts, turn this off. NO, i like this song. Seriously, Dillon Francis, turn it off. I'm gonna turn it up instead. I do not highly recommend doing that. Or at all. This ship has amazing subs. Should I bass boost this song. NO, PROBABLY NOT. Oh, why not? Dillon Francis, I'm warning you, stop. OH HOW COME BECAUSE WHY? BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A HEDEHOG NO, BECAUSE I ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP AT THIS *DROP* [INSTANTLY FALLS ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL–ACTIVATES HYPERSPACE– PLUMMETS SHIP INTO BLACK – HOLE. ohhhhh . What a hoe. Nice, that's a whole episode. Well, here's a bonus scene or whatever. Shazam, what is this. SHAZAM …i don't know. What do you mean you don't know. SHAZAM *panicing* IDONNO WHAT DO YOU MEAN– SHAZAM IDON. NO. OOOOOOOOOOOO Is this deadmau5. I'm not sure. Sounds like deadmau5. It sure does. This is pretty Ooh. it sparkles. yeah , it's deadmau5. How does she KNOW. I need a deadmau5 machine like right now. I know where to find that. Fuck dude, everything's gonna be half-ass until I push out this album. You can't rush it. Trust the process. I can't focus. Oh shit, wasn't this in the last episode? Yeah. I'm still writing backwards. God, what is that, like a pipe organ. WHAT SYNTH IS THIS. Doesn't matter, I just need one. That's it. I know what I'm going to spend my Jimmy Fallons On. And What's that? V.O. OOh. Are we Montaging–to deadmau5? [MONTAGE: deadmau5] Nice. I love a good montage. I love deadmau45* AHH OH NO. I love deadmau5. I keep making typos and I keep forgetting to delete that parallel where. fuckit. That's the synth I've always wanted. It's on sale for $999 At Sam Ash But…you only have Five JImmy Fallons. There are only five special edition in this Volume The Jimmy Fallon 555's I don't know how many volumes there are, but this is the Volume I started keeping track. Fuck, man. I miss Equinox. It's just Eucalyptus. They also have an outdoor running track where you get the best ever view of midtown manhattan. How do you know it's the best ever view of Midtown manhattan. Because it's on a running track. STOP WHISTLING IN MY WHOOP=WHOOPS. The JImmy Fallon 555s are marked with the standard Jimmy Fallon in black ink With a simple side marker of the number 555 in red And also in red, a telephone number on the back. But–that synthesizer is One Thousand Jimmy Fallons. Yeah. So I only need Nine Hundred Ninety Five More. And of course, the Eye of Providence is highlighted. Also Standard. V.O. I always highlight that. Cause, you know… “Illuminati” These are fake. No they're not! They're counterfeit, sorry. No they're not! They're authentic! Why the fuck does this matter so much? You know. What is it with this dude. If it was a snake, it would've bit ya. It was a snake. And it did bite me. He's so increasingly beautiful to me, And I'm still in love with his friend, or misrepresented masterpiece, Progression of a monster, or procession of a superstar, but Something in the story sparks the thought of All we are is consciousness, of course Awkward in body, but of constellations Cosmos, It's not just a corpse; It's all got love in it, Absurd, and sipping carbonated syrup, but I'm just sitting in my stirrups, Here comes galloping a horse, Of course, it hurts to turn it off For just a moment And remember That i'm just a homeless, Stuck and sitting up at night Writing recourse, hugging learning curves in ableton, Curving curses, been reminded that I'm worthless In a thousand words or less, Or just another form of torture, Nothing said, but all that's done Another day another dollar, But it's not It's Jimmy Fallon. I thought this was enter the multiverse. Are you ready to go. No. A hand on my shoulder So paifully socially awkward, I grow stretchmarks, don't know what to call them But scars, But the uglier ones, I've thought Are invisible, Somewhat– To the naked eye Or just anyone Not tiger stripes But one, an eye of horus Carved above my right And inside my lip, (The bottom one) A raised scar in the shape of a sythe I probably died by the hands of a man named Starr So it's hard to shrug it off, And 555 is just a number But it's not It's another scar, It's a punishment For loving him. What's on the back. It's…a number. What number? A telephone number. What. Like a 1-800 Number Call it. I love deadmau5. Something about a big, giant smiling robotic mouse that lights up and sparkles. Why? I don't know. I'm like 5. I see deadmau5 i'm like “WHEEEEEEE” My hands go up in the air “AHHHHHH! YAYYYYY” I'm so stupid. It's so stupid. But you know what? It makes me feel good. I'm not gonna lie. I love it. And by the time I even figured out what deadmau5 was I was so late to the party that I had to make up for lost time. I listened to deadmau5 doing EvErYThING. Everything you could possibly imagine. Well–Except one. Wait, how long have you been cellibate? Forever, probably. Fuck, what happened in here? I don't know. Everything's broken. My head My heart. Everything. Get up, Dillon Francis. Fuck, what happened. You sent us through a black hole. And we crashed on a random ass planet. Fuck, that sucks. YOu suck, Dillon Francis. Ugh. Now get up. Everything's fucked up. SUPERSTAR DJ I'm a paradox. I've got a box of skeletons in my closet i'm not ready to part with. I had a heart attack; I had a heart once, But lately it goes in my pocket; Or my right hand, When I wake up From a dream land, From a long hug From a nice man In a t-shirt KASKADE This is God's PLAN. RYAN, GET FUCKED. 800-799-7233 Did you call the number. Yeah. What is it. [National Domestic Violence Hotline] Woah. That was a long bonus scene. Well, Now here's a PSA. AND A PSA? YES. A PSA. You know what the fucked up thing about all this is, The Legend of Supacree is a true story. All of it. ALL OF IT?! ALL OF IT!? YES. Even the part about– YES. Especially that part. Woah. Damn. I think i'm gonna be sick. Shut up, Dillon Francis. No, but seriously– This is the story of how I got my heart broken so bad. YOU RUINED IT. So, so bad– I HATE YOU. That i started singing about it. NSA, totally *not spying* …are you hearing this. Yes. ILLUMINATI Check this out. Another one down. And how when you start making music– What is this. it's hoe math. And that music actually comes from a really real place. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. really real shit starts happening. You–killed yourself. well , to be fair–I lost everything first. Congratulations. Thx. Here's a skrillex. WHT. Kbye. Really, really, really. What, the fuck Dillon Francis, crawled inside of you to live and made it'self at home? Idon'tknow. What is in this sauce? Just–kill him. What, i can't just. Just kill him, while nobody is watching. Please don't kill me. Shut up, man. I'm having a thought process. Okay, that's it. FUCK DILLON FRANCIS. That's the spirit. THAT IS THE SPIRIT. IT'S THE HOLY SPIRIT. Who the fuck is this. It's–Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ? Jesus Christ?! JESUS CHRIST i'M BACK, MOTHERFUCKER. Wait, are you claiming that the second coming of the messiah is upon us?! YES. Well,Technically, it's the third. And it's all because of Dillon Francis?! I Please stop this HATE Help YOU. Fuck, dude. I know, huh. What did he DO. The third?! How did we miss that?! Uh, you didn't. [HITLER, being HITLER] (he was mad) Okay, that's it. You can't write any of this. Uh, I can. I just did. Technically, I'm dead: this is just a voiceover It's an 80's style PSA You can't say Hitler was the messiah. That's offensive. Everything is offensive. FUCK YOU DILLON. I'msosorry NOTYETYOU'RENOT. Wait, whatever happened to Skrillex. SKRILLEX is waiting outside of the alleged home of SUPACREE's “distant relatives” Lol is he for real at her mom's house. well , to be fair, he's like–looked everywhere else. Ur right. That was a lot of dimensions. So. like. Fuck, i didn't even have that much coffee. It just goes on forever. [DILLON FRANCIS STILL HAS HOTSAUCE IN HIS PUDGY LITTLE EYES] Good. Cause if I see the pupils, i'm wasting him. You think you can do better than this. Better than this? Yes. Yes. Then do it. Alright, is the PSA over? No, not yet. I gotta say one more thing. What is it? Would you ever have done it, Or would you ever be honest If you had, Handed her a lesson, Or a stretch of the past From the present moment, My heart, and my mind And my lover I present you this honor From now on to nowhere I no longer… Want to be near you Or to know you Or to hear you Or to fear you No longer… Want to feel you Or to touch you Or to have you Or to hold you Or to love you No longer, I no longer want you Devastating, A song stuck in my head for a whole world I wonder how long it would take to go back there A room full of actors, A manager, Never a backpack to wear Just a handful of hats, One director, Eventually producer Just now a showrunner Look at how long that took. I had to wonder what auroras in the north thought of someone like Sonny. They showed me. Now I can love you no longer So much for getting acquainted Funny what age equates to in ageless An infinite wisdom, I dismissed him, Nor, would I believe that he ever would hit her, but Some might belong in such a category Though i carry the marks and the scars Of what my once- husband did to me –but no longer. I haven't a heart in the world left But a broken one, made of amethyst. Fuck off, Dillon Francis. A calculated attack on my psyche. I like it a lot, But i'm fonder of sodom. WHAT. Are you saying you woul actually participate in an orgy! Oh GOD no! Oh, Good, cause– But i'd host one. WHAT. The hedonists are a fun bunch. Oh my God. Though, Nowadays, of course, I haven't the slightest idea what to call them. I saw the future. Well, obviously, if you've headlined EDC you've seen the future. I remember all of it. That must be awful. Why don't you remember it? Because i don't want to. Not at all. I did once. Then what happened? I hated it so much, i forgot. You forgot on purpose. I had to. Love, or Music. …Music. Love, or Fame. Fame. Okay, ouch. Love, or Music? …Love. Okay. Love, or Fame. Love. Okay. Love, or music? … Isn't that the same thing? Hm. Love, or Fame? ….Why do you keep asking me the same question. I beg your pardon? Why beg? I mean– What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, first you asked me, If would rather have Love or Music. Love. Music. Yes. In my mind, those are synonyms. Neither can really exist without the other. Okay, and Fame. Love and Fame are also synonyms– How so? Ugh, I just made this difficult on myself. It was always difficult. It really wasn't. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U. WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Yo My horizontal monster wants ya Could revert to vert, but lets keep Our options open Covert, __ My heart is broken No window open Who left the draft in –motherfucker My heart is broken I need a lover I need a lover Some one to hug me I need a hug, but And– I'm not fit to touch The hem of your garment The tip of your dick or fit enough to be your girlfriend I guess i'll just have to live with that When I have an itch, I scratch it myself I made the assumption you can't, And moved passed it But something's been calling me out, from the past Something's been calling me back to the magic I can't get around that Do you hate me? I can see that I'll just make my way back to the beginning Though I'm envious And i pity her, The both of you really There's nothing left between us except Insanity//Infinity Kendrick Style Flow Don't key my car: You'll be callin collect! I got rearview mirrors in the back of my head Don't get up right now, son– Go back to bed I got kids all over, be pulling my leg! Luke, I am your Father! Oh My Oh My God On top of the Watchlist You make money off dope; I made it on craigslist Still be sniffin that coke But now i'm on A list I'm the greatest Ey Miss! I missed too many calls (Airplane Mode) I just started my day (Whole Workload) I might need a buffet (Like Whole Foods) Sashe, Pas De Bourre (That's a code word) No dance floor? Now you're done for My forte Four-to-the-floor Hardcore I drop bass on the encore Front row won't go But i'm already out the front door You don't know I just hopped inside the helicopter, or chopper, chopped broccoli in my cup That's supper; Sleep/ Wake then Surf's up In the morning When i got there (Coastal show, Shower, Then another club Encore Front row lined up I'm already at the front door They want more I'm too sore, for sure Off subject, I dropped in Harder than Paulie On my surfboard (Another code word) This is my world: Another club, Then I'm off for a monday Or somethin' Write another song At the buffet –Tales of a Superstar DJ Amen. Fuck! I didn't even get to watch desperate housewives! Don't fuck with her! She's a trained assassin! GET ON THE GROUND. NO! GET ON THE GROUND– OR I WILL SHOOT YOU! SO? IF I SHOOT YOU, YOU WILL DIE. OK? “OK”? YOU WILL DIE. YEAH, AND? Kind of frustrating hunting down somebody who already has a deathwish. What do you do with someone who has no fear of death. Give them life. I'm telling you, we probably shouldn't be doing this. *shrugs* You split yourselves into two entirely separate individuals at once, just so you could see whose dick is longer? Technically, three entirely separate individuals. THIS ISN'T FAIR. Do you ever think? Sometimes, but it's usually pretty gross. I mean about the implications of these things! You are the implications of these things! I split my soul ONE time into 8 BILLION or so individuals, before this even had happened. WOAH, WHAT HAPPENED. I'm giving you planetary confinement. What. You–can stay here. On this planet. No. It's racist–and primitive. No– And you're black. Please– I'm leaving. –don't– –and i'm taking your portal gun with me. YOU PUT A PORTAL ON MY FACE?! Genius. Incredible. I didn't think it would be a big deal. He has two! Okay, time for work. But i didn't even sl– Coffee. Ouh. … … — I don't think we should be doing this TIA We probably shouldn't. TAMERA We very much shouldn't. What are you guys doing. Nothing. SHh. Summoning the devil. It's not the devil. It might be. Hush. Is that a pentagram. Technically it's a star, with a circle around it. That's a pentagram. It's not a pentagram! Is that a ouiji board? NO. Yes. Let me see. Ugh! I wanna help. MEANWHILE. MORGAN FREEMAN enters an empty train car: Oh God, This. Yes it is! What!? Are you dead! Entirely empty, that is–besides SUPACREE. No, you are! Great, so you're dead! I'm–not dead. Is Bob Saget with you? I'm not DEAD. What about Fraiser? What? Kelsey Grammer! God rest his soul. SEE! I'm not dead– [beat, an eerie shadowy silence in the dimly lit traincar] I'm a Legend. What. I wrote that/ You wrote that. What. Ugh. Look. Morgan Freeman. [Morgan Freeman] I–am–like a paranoid schizophrenic, or something– So, who isn't?! It might be catatonic, I don't know–I got this whole dead-hand–thing–going on. What is that? I don't know. It might just be too much deadmau5. I don't understand. No, Morgan Freeman. I don't understand. Anything about this life. Or this world. The fourth dimension. I definitely don't know anything about that. You're in it. Whatever. Look. [Morgan Freeman] God, you have so many freckles. [Morgan Freeman] Look. I got problems. We all do! Nah, not like–Hollywood problems, I'm like, a real psycho and shit. Sounds like Hollywood. Everything sounds like Hollywood–because nothing is real anymore–everything is for the gram, the points don't matter–nothing actyally matters. At all. Oh? Oh. The train comes to a sudden halt, the lights dim theatrically. Not even this? [pause] He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golden pinata; You know who gave it to me? …Who? Got ya. He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golde pinata ; Fuck dude, i'm too tired to write this. But you kind of have to. I mean i don't have to. YOU HAVE TO. I–WHAT? YOU HAVE TO DO IT. WHY. BECAUSE OTHERWISE I DON'T EVEN EXIST; Then don't exist… I'M JUST A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN YOUR SHOW. Come on Drew, knock it off. Wait, is this Drew Carey, or Barrymore. Either or. That's why I didn't write the characters name. Well, which is it? It literally doesn't matter. Yes it does. Honestly?! It could be both! We just shoot it with both and keep whichever one we like better! But how do we know which is actually “better?” Just do it and mix it–cut it up together or something–I don't know! Cut takes! Cut Takes! Ooh, did someone say CUPCAKES. Don't mind if i DO. Well, I do! Why?! What's wrong?! Yeah! What's the big deal! I'm on a gluten free-thing Oh yeah? Keto. Or someshit. I don't know. Oh. Oh. So you don't want these No, I don't. And you wouldn't mind if I– Come on, man. So Good. Grow up. Hey man, i'm pushin 40. Well, I pushed 40–and it pushed back. Get your cupcakes out of my face. You're no fun. Hey! Aren't you that one guy from rick and morty. Formerly. Oh yeah! That's right! You were Rick AND Morty. Hence the name. Wow. Phewf. I heard about that. Yeah, me too. Sounds real bad, how that turned out. Such a shame. Speaking of shame– You're speaking, I'm snacking. That's not that clever. We'll work on it The point is, he's eating the cupcakes. That's not–wait a minute–hold on. What now? How are we ever gonna get these three guys in a room together. [Meanwhile, in another dimension–these three are tied up (read: bound and gagged) in a room together. –Let alone to agree to this!? SUPACREE removes the gag from the man's [JOSH PECK'S] mouth. I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS. That's what she said! Hey! That's not fair! I was never caught up in a scandal! The key word, I believe, is “never caught” That's two words! SHUTTHEFUCKUP. How many words is that? I WANT MY LAWYER!!!! For what? This isn't court. Wouldn't you want the police first? WELL THEN, I WANT THE POLICE. The Police are here. Wait, they are? Oh, thank God Not so fast. THE POLICE enter with full entourage. Introducing: The Police–playing their number one greatest smash hit! Groupies: Woooo! STING I hope you ladies bought the meet-and-greet package, if you know what I mean. *winks awkwardly* You know what I mean. Oh my God. Since you dudes love doing creepy dude shit, I brought some more notoriously creepy dudes to sing the literally creepiest song ever written about being a creepy dude. That's not fair. But it's funny. THE POLICE Begin to play ‘I'll be Watching You” –and they're gonna play it on loop until I get back with your other-dimensional selves so we can fix all this. “WE” “FIX ALL THIS” WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Nobody seems to know. “--I'll be watching you–” I was FRAMED. CUT TO a golden pocket watch, a wrist watch, a compass–it changes and morphs so quickly that it begins to seem to spin time itself into a whirlwind, until finally a portal opens up from within his hand–a portal which quickly devours him entirely, morphing him into Fuck, what the fuck happened after that Idk I got off the train I guess This is really terribly written INT. SAM ASH MANHATTAN. DAY. A tiny conga for 90 dollars I could die in here Maybe I am just like you I find my way to the prettiest thing in the room And have my way with it Just for a few minutes Consume it, then move on Saw Madison dancing badly on Madison Avenue It's okay, You're a white girl So everybody loves you Everybody loves you Everybody loves you, no matter what you do. As for me, I can't say when I'm going through But you couldn't do it, Madison That's as bad as being at a standst

america god love jesus christ music american new york amazon time health new york city trust father hollywood earth man house rock los angeles work moving hell mexico training young speaking canadian games building dj creator writing balance fitness devil focus coffee holy festival dad satan write forever mom open drop kanye west funny police plan tales utah greek dead record bbc alive grammy fame mayors heroes code humans escape wake dark beyonce rain stuck standing matrix sick straight hits legends switch happy birthday consequences member hire math cat adolf hitler broke finish letting go humble billion incredible vegan gurus falling in love blame wear genius honestly hole distractions throw ab orange gotta lol curiosity complex hungry fuck proud karma soft tempo lying congratulations weak amen wtf balls bronx anxious loud logic providence david bowie heartbreak harder hanging saves bitch excuse membership counting yellow similar gross apology psa awkward ir doc shut siri signal nuts suite grammy awards copyright shazam shenanigans beverly hills pages won get out bach keto nah wonderland cosmos ludwig van beethoven whole foods shower forgot hades dudes illuminati ka pay attention spur progression signature californians sd thousand backwards encore rick and morty cont aha fucking voodoo mm nsa sir soleil underworld morgan freeman jimmy fallon lay technically autopilot bury annihilation int reached petite hugs devastating sauna hush nevermind ur consume equinox jk heroic coastal kisses absurd acoustic tie handle handed lovin family guy star is born la croix montages irony hm duh nothin michael j fox diplo framed amit subscriptions rr sweeping idk only god nda jinx im m tits cupcakes skrillex caucasians obsidian edc brownies covert keisha hahaha beeps augmented oh god mmm benz ew death wish oh my god aw copycat tantric opposites careless shhh sentimental dammit vinegar tit deadmau5 midtown in the heights kaskade goddamn good one marty mcfly lemme raves summoning metadata gazing fuckin horus sunni thx insatiable ahem edx losc pasquale collateral damage dan harmon lmfao mistrust moog moo whole foods market kelsey grammer stop it fonda carved dillon francis gawd jesus no motherfuckers drew carey dan schneider shitting hah cyanide awww aww 1d ext uhhh eucalyptus shh god is real josh peck fangirls suite life barrymore fka chuck taylor uhh serato he said end credits captain crunch gimmie sunn windex fraiser commercial break lin manuel control room hard reset buti uhm minnie riperton fuck it god yes ahah arrr agh oreo cookies god not jesus look icee come undone watching you god right tox what the fuck cdjs i hate you lost lands probably not polars wht get fucked it hurts rekordbox carless best dance bothersome minnie ripperton ouh shredded wheat lookie dog blood superstar dj acension let me out waht ahaha hve curving i am ready lampshades beverly center honey smacks you will die phoenixx vip vip dj world by chance this is my house oh come on who did this you're dead to me phewf wheeeeeee

158. The Cup | I Love You and It Hurts (Theatre of the Beat)

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 6, 2023 75:37

Welcome back to the 158th episode of The Cup which is our a weekly (give or take, TBD, these are unprecedented times) performing arts talk show presented by Cup of Hemlock Theatre. With the theatres on a come back we offer a mix of both reviews of live shows we've seen and continued reviews of prophet productions! For our 158th episode we bring you a duet reviewof the I Love You and It Hurts, an anthology of three forum theatre pieces – “The Walkover” by Cedric Martin, “Mother” by Lindsey Middleton, and “Be a Friend” by Jessica Moss – presented by Theatre of the Beat, directed by Max Cameron Fearon. Join Ryan Borochovitz and new guest Ethan Persyko, as they discuss the perks of being a Spect-Actor, the intersections between theatre and social work, and how small changes can make a big difference I Love You and It Hurts was performed in Toronto at Hart House Theatre on November 29th, 2023, as part of its cross-Canada tour. To learn more about the show, see Theatre of the Beat's website: https://theatreofthebeat.ca/i-love-you-and-it-hurts CONTENT WARNING: I Love You and It Hurts deals with many social and personal issue, including but not limited to: domestic partner abuse, elder abuse, toxic masculinity, and suicidal ideation. This review, likewise, speaks directly to these topics. Viewer discretion is strongly advised. If you are struggling with any of these issues, we highly encourage you to seek help, using the resources below: https://gersteincentre.org/ https://www.betterhelp.com/ https://www.crisisservicescanada.ca/en/ Less importantly, this review contains SPOILERS for I Love You and It Hurts. It will begin with a general non-spoiler review until the [00:14:30] mark, followed by a more in-depth/anything goes/spoiler-rich discussion. If the production is ever remounted and you intend to see it, we recommend you stop watching after that point, or at least proceed at your own risk. Follow our panelists: Ethan Persyko – Instagram: @ethan_joshuaa // Facebook: Ethan Joshua Ryan Borochovitz – [Just send all that love to CoH instead; he won't mind!] Follow Cup of Hemlock Theatre on Instagram/Facebook/Twitter: @cohtheatre If you'd like us to review your upcoming show in Toronto, please send press invites/inquiries to coh.theatre.MM@gmail.com --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/cup-of-hemlock-theatre/support

canada mother spoilers friend toronto theater hurts mm i love you viewer tbd coh it hurts jessica moss hart house theatre

[[Over It.]]

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 5, 2023 25:07

Now, I found all of them irresistible— But it seemed as though Sonny was playing with my mind, and as if I could ever just narrow it down to only him again as I had in the past might not only prove impossible, but devastating. As I tried my hardest to whittle down my figure into what seemed like nothing, the closer to celebrity size I drew myself in my daily gym routine and nutrition regimen, it still seemed wrong to try to even imagine, that even if he was perhaps my eldest counterpart and most compatible soulmate, that we would align at all anytime soon unless I were perhaps able to strip myself of any reminence of my old life—which of course included the leftover skin and stretch marks, the scars of bearing another man's children, which of course, though I had done well in the way of removing as much ugly as there was possible, was at the very worst and at best probably humiliating to even consider, the severity of my wit and talent aside, the emergence of a rare genius disregarded; I was used goods, and would probably have to be someone else entirely to even get along well in his circle of perfect-bodied and presitgious, elitist women—most of whom, as his own fan base had gathered, were ‘beautiful and intelligent', and with him he kept himself constantly guarded with and surrounded by— petite, gorgeous, rich and talented women, probably for all I knew who were all just as interested in bearing his children as I was—and had been, without at first knowing so—but in the years I had spend battling the innate and unweilding attachment through whatever explicit soul bonding we seemed to share—and we were, in fact, bound to each other in some kind of way, undoubtedly and unrelentlesly, I had learned what with Sonny had come with the territory of Skrillex—and it was, indeed—a lot of territory; territory, property, holdings, and whatever else you wanted to call absolute dominance and overriding ownership in an industry which I had only so recently become familiar with, and had learned that whether or not I wanted, I would end up dealing with him in his own realm in one way or another, more than probably along with the soul-stealing, mind numbing collection of competitive and ruthless women he seemed to need surrounding him at all times. Then, of course, there was the fact that I had deeply considered Dillon at the heart of it all for a brief moment, that is, before he had hinted and and then made a point to mention his girlfriend—at which point I had realized that the work accomplished within the project, and especially that which was in his namesake, was simply business, again, to not quite my demise and never to my detriment, the emotional pull of the wrath I had faced in mourning a cry to the universe to send an army of spiritual warriors and angles the likes of which I had never seen—the helping hands of Anandar, who though a self stated advocate of ‘The Devil' had also groomed my once-lost ability to create on a whim, and of course, a frenzy of Dillon Francis look-alikes that seemed to exist if only to remind me of my bizzare and intense, undying sexual attraction to the man, despite his supposed status as taken or ‘off-market', and though I had learned in various ways to cope with the loss or mourn what might have been, to grieve even just the budding friendship which had become of the very begginings of it all, Dillon seemed sly and straightforward in a way that still hinted at something else—and however in my own obedience to my moral laws of monogamy, respecting one's own self and others in the way that there could never be more than business between the two of us, there was also there an attachment to my soul, and in an ascended sense, a higher purpose for what too, had happened with Dillon Francis—and though there may not have been such an obvious slew of women at his feet at any given time, it was almost uncannily more heartbreaking that I knew there were just as many beautiful, perfect women in line to be the mother of his children—more the marrying type, precisely by Hollywood and the white Caucasian standards, especially held by those of Californian men, all of which he was—that is,— the marrying type, Caucasian, and Californian, all of which fit my ideal genetically-driven standards, however with a personality which suited mine (almost too well,) a music portfolio that exhibited genius in itself despite its critical appeal, and the ability to make me laugh in even just the mildest thought form, it seemed that the possibility that o could love this man had bloomed, and then folded just as quickly—something like a night flower; in the light to was clear to see all the reasons someone like myself could never be suited for such a man, especially to marry and raise his children—by anyone's standards, and that I, again, would have to become an entirely other person to do so—and perhaps, in time, I would—become enough of another person; however, still myself, and with the grips of age upon all of us, I settled into the knowing that a man like Dillon Francis would by now have found a perfect thorough-bread white women with whom to share his life with—in the way of a smart businessman, which I also knew he was. Perfect, either way, I was still somehow remarkably thankful to his parents for having brought him into the world, in which doing so they had colored my own with such warmth and smiles that I could not ignore. i had realized for some time that my own predisposition to designer children had become a prominent factor in my own mounting attraction; it appeared as though surely the father to my future children was indeed white, and thiugh looked down upon by the blacks for being so inconsiderate as yo even be attracted to ‘my own kind', I saw it as just that—‘my own kind, in that I could not so much be attracted to dark skinned men as I could be attracted to anyone in my own family—brothers, cousins, etc., and in my own mind it even felt wrong and strange to consider that my future children would be passed the considerable amount of genetic trauma and all the disadvantages that came with it—not to mention the cruelty and trauma in the waking life I had experienced with nearly every black man I had ever known, and it seemed almost as if all men of color were meant to be friends and not partners within this waking world—sexual partners, at least—as I wasn't by the hurt I had experienced yet intrinsically racist and afraid; in business, and of course, especially in music, I had become used to being classified by race and had become so familiar with the inner workings of the colored world and colored culture through music—of course, in a world where the rappers and producers of the hip-hop world never wanted to just be friends, or simply work on projects fluidly, without some kind of innuendo or connotation—which I had years ago, of course realized, could have skyrocketed me to success, playing this sort of game; using my sexuality and sensibility for studio time, or dating around in the circles of mini-stardom that came with the movement of money from the streets; it was simple to see and easy to know that most rappers came into money in other ways in order to afford studio time, producers, and pieces of the limelight, and with that, came the expectation that the women of the industry were typically expected to succumb to the misogynistic standards represented in colored culture; it had become apparent in the world of music, but especially in hip hop and R&B music culture, that women were seen as objects, possessions, and decorations—all of which was devastating to myself, of course, a semi-androgynous non-bianary post-racial indigent indigenous-American with more of a mind for integration and evolution than materialism and manipulation; all this to say, I simply wasn't fit to be controlled and contorted by the color-coded system within the hip-hop industry, and in which ways never considered myself ‘black' or ‘black enough' without some forceful habit forming, or movement within the system I had of course out of sheer dissemblance been sorted into. Then, I wasn't typically willing to give up on any of my ideals, and of course had set my sights on being the perfect woman for whatever future husband and father to my future children would have me; I had missed out on the Hollywood life by a long shot and it would literally take a miracle to make me into a star; something like Anandar, but with a lot more money and power to fix all that was broken with my body, my heart, and my mind to match the charisma and talent I knew that I had—and I knew that I did have it. I knew that with a perfect body I would have already been given the opportunity to be signed somewhere, probably a major label like I had wanted—because with the talent that I already did have to match a perfect body, I was marketable. I knew that given the right clothes, nails, and hairstyles I would become a magnet for attraction, as even know, roaming the streets of New York City in ragged harem pants and old Chuck Taylors, I still had a sense of undying magnetism about me in my presence alone; a stature which dominated and demanded respect from those with the right eyesight and mind frame to see past my worn and haggard appearance and into the untapped plethora of symphonies and sonic alchemism which had been so divinely gifted, the thing which I kept sacred and cherished most in myself—and I did love myself, actually, probably so much so that the hatred and darkness of the world which seemed to need me to end myself continued to follow me in the form of what one might call the devil, if one believed in such—the typically obese or otherwise empty, malleable broken and soulless bodies possessed by which I had named ‘the coughing demon', which seemed some kind of demonic or satanic force with no other aim than to have me dead at all. I was, in fact, some sort of genius—not of course that it meant anything to anyone probably besides my mother, and whatever lover could see past my obvious faults—a body which had been tormented and stretched, scarred by trauma, a seven year old son with whom his father I had forcibly become estranged from due to violence—who may have even gone far enough as to have me hunted by this coughing demon so that I may never know my very own son— and the rest of the baggage that came with being a broken soul, once homeless, with skin dark enough to be prone to racism and without the perfect body to make up for it; as, one thing I had noticed is that the men of my desire often could see past color—so long as the body which was painted in any way brown was perfect enough to suit him. I knew I needed to Fonda way to pay for that surgery, to remove the damage which had been done to my body in the 30 years I had spent on earth, most of which I had spent fighting in some way for freedom, and best of all love—which to now, only my sons had truly given me; perhaps I could take a lesson from Kayla Lauren after all—the reformed pornstar and personal trainer — I hated personal training with a bloody passion, but making enough money for that kind of surgery on a DJ's salary seemed impossible, and probably was. It would take almost no time at all to become certified, and after all, under all that excess skin and ugly trauma was the body I had wanted and needed all along, to attract someone like Sonny. The moment had gone, though—and all of my wants and thoughts were in the wash; I had almost taken the long route of possible love—and it was the longest road at all to have gone from Sonny, to Dillon, to Joel with nothing more than a plethora of songs and all that I had ever wanted to become; In fact, all I had ever really wanted was love—but at this point, the point of no return, I realized that there was no inconceivable way that that love would come from the top, especially at the bottom— and now, from the confines of a hotel room full of broken and lost souls, Grammy season upon us with the nomination for the Best Dance album or whatever it was seeming to come from the very bottom of my own misguided heart, I learned my lessons entirely wel—to let go, and to learn from everything I had gathered, to make a list of everything I had ever wanted, material or not, and to pay close attention to every song and album drop —to pull the pieces of The Festival Project together for my own good, and forget about love. There was no love in music business, just music—and perhaps the only father to my children was the father to my son, who I had brighter forgotten nor sacrificed in exchanged for whatever arrangement was expected; that with the demonic howling of racing cars and the satanic whooping coughs of the empty bodies which surrounded me at all times had indeed trapped me in this loveless region of Hell for no purpose other than being what I was— a ‘black woman', by society's standards, despite my own thoughts on the subject—and the subject simply was; Love. There was no reason to stay in a world without Love, and instead based on money, and so it was settled that though serving my purpose, whatever it was, my time became shorter with every cough—that I would much rather have love than money—and it almost seemed that one would not come without the other. —Tales of a superstar DJ [Return all RED negative energy back to sender— Return red energy to sender Return negative energy to sender; Return all negative m energy to sender m return red to sender] [When it] Turns out, The bottom of your heart Was the tip of the Ice Berg And the whole ship has [s]unk[en], [&] I[t]'s probably ice cold At the bottom of the ocean; I'll tell you where i'm from Why, I'll tell you anything for About one dollar Turns out, I've already got one eye on you; One eye'd sad heart I should probably roll out my art on you [I probably should not] One man bought a kiss, Another, a whole night from her– One man bought a whole farm The other, a Whole Foods Market –and you can't even franchise those Amazon's got a monopoly We were playing for corners of earth, All i got was some kandi, Subscriptions to candidly, Actually, I really liked the tree trial (I think i'll wait a week, sorry) When it turns out The world that you wanted Was actually hours already The dollar you got Was also borrowed And the money they wanted and got Was just actually stolen from someone else They bought all the food up And sold it for profits I promise this avocado Once costs nothing at all But you wanted that car for your daughter She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it My mom, on my honor Of all the garages in Lost Lands, I promise the owner of it was The first to go last, And the last to come home Now he's on his own alter And also the worshiper; How do you go back? Oh, you don't Oh you don't Oh, you don't wanna know that But i was of course, All of your rock bottoms It's bottoms and tops, and We don't let the top fall over, We're counting up crumbs And this muffin costs $24 dollars Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks For the dead homies Not dead in the general sense But just in the head, the heart, And the soul The homeless are happier at McDonalds Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere I'll avoid the power struggle at operations for about 18 dollars and 56 sense (Please, keep the pennies) I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's Something indecent, or decadent Whichever it is Cause i'm better of with the memory of it Than actually dragging it in. –I'm a cat again. Ouch. Shut up. It HURTS. Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics. YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid. Yes, but lucily* for you– –or, for him– Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid. –Ouch– –Shut up. That we know of. No, not the google documents! GET IN THE HOLE. Hm. What. Blood Shower All along the watch tower Do you feel good? Do you? Do you feel bad about this. I do. I feel bad about this. I forgot to tell you– I should probably let you know that I just want to MAN, FUCK THIS DUDE. MA. WAHT. IT'S ON. WHAt. THE SHOW IS ON. THEWHAT. THE– *suddenly self aware* …I gotta get out of Boston. What, first this was about war, now it's about bird people? It's about a war WITH the bird people. I should sleep. Hahaha. No. This isn't funny anymore. At least it's over. MA– Oh, it's far from over. Yo, i'm going through some crazy shit right now. Spur of the moment I'd never thought of it; This is gonna take forever. I don't have the patience To even write this I just want french fries right now But been up for two days with no gym and I'm on a diet. GUAC TIME. No, no burritos. GUAC TIME. Oh shit, this is getting real as fuck . NOw i see it three ways. I love it. I hate it. HEY, LET ME OUT. GET BACK IN YOUR HOLE, SKRILLEX. I'M DILLON FRANCIS. IN THE HOLE. Check it out. Huh. It's another DJ. *agrees* Should we pick him up. WEll, the good news is: I found your friend. Oh, that's good. The bad news is: He's dead. Oh, that–'s … nice. Yeah. It is. Uh. Kaskade. Yeah. We gotta find Ryan. Why. What's up? You're freaking me out. Why. What's up. Nothing IS it my eyes? I– *wild ass eyes* Yeah, it's probably that. Fuck dude, what did you do to deadmau5. NOTHIN. He's not the same. What the fuck is that. Holy shit I jus timejumped Where the fuck are you going. How the fuck could this happen?! It COULDN'T. Well, that's it then. *shrugs* Well, I guess we're just gonna have to go dig up Dillon Francis. I guess so. Do you think he's still alive. Like, probably not– Maybe… No, probably not @prodbywar& @Halmadeit This amazon order took me nine hours Alexa, I think i should fire her Like a arm I don't leave at night without armor Don't make me a martyr Your mom will be proud of us all If i make it outta here And i'll look after her Got the whole block coming up on my heels as I walk Wtf is it… Idk dude. Is it speeding up? I…i think so. There's no way this is 140 IT's 140. It's 140 . There's no way. Yes way. Nah huh. Let me see. No. Let me at the decks. Let me at the decks. NO. YO LET ME AT THE DECKS. You want deks. Yes. I got deks. Really. yeus . I never listened to it like this In ableton I read serato, synesthesia and rekordbox I talk a lot, I'm like a human music box I walk a lot I run my mouth a mile a minute (faster than i run around the track reciting rap words) Like they're passwords. Oh, I could do this forever.. I wish i had i microphone right now And was all alone With the lights off Lying on the floor I'd be lying if i said I could afford you Just to fornicate But may consider playing with a foreigner If you're all for her I'm unnerved, you know Cause i've been up so long My monster likes to play with boys and Make the bass go down below where Nobody does anymore Once I get a hold of things Or the hang of it You've got another hot ones on your hands I've another record under my belt Or in my roster, Whatever you'd call it But now I've got no time to bark about Wanting a dog and a daughter But none of the responsibility or Going through all the trouble to find her a father I'm still holding a fart in. Reaally–cause–it's been a really long time. WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT A LONG TIME, JIMMY FALLON?? Um a lot! You literally just saw me make the journey all the way up from nothing. I am nothing EXACTLY. I don't have time to fight with you Jiimmy Fallon. I did NOT write these games by myself you know?! Um, excuse me– “GAMES” ?! YES, GAMES. Uh, I've only got one game with you in it, my friend. Is that so! One game that I've written with the Great–formerly LATE Jimmy Fallon. Is that like a play on words cause i'm on late night TV YOu'RE ON ALL THE TIME TV, JIMMY. NBC SHIT IS PRACTICALLY AUTOMATICALLY SYNDICATED. -_- …are you alright. –_-_-__-_ Hold on, I think i've got it Nice, I found a growler. yOu still haven't got all the monsters and sprites Ive got all the big ones, but the little ones are harder to catch. GrO0Wl3rrr. Aww. He's so ugly. Yeah, but cute, though, right. I don't think so. Gro)WwlErrrrrrrrr. Aww. That's so fucking gross. lol . so what does this thing look like. Well, that't the thing about the monsters and sprites. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT. It's alright, it's alright–he's nice. WHAT. THAT'S A SPRITE. No, it's a monster. He's just scary. SUPACREE. David Bowie. What up. God, it took me ages to find you. Tell me about it. I'm still trying. We've been expecting you for a long time. You were expecting I'd die? Yes. So when she says she's “married to the music…” I'm married to the music. Oh, so. Yo, honestly if you een want to talk to this bitch, you'd better have like a musical instrument, or a mic in your hands, Otherwise– No, getawayfrom me. It's not even worth it. HI. –No. What's up? Tempo. SUNNI Cotour From the store I was poor Now i'm honorable In velour, Glamour (Snap) Forsure, Jesus Christs is making appearances in my abletons I'm not able to comprehend or understand exactly the message, But the evidence sire is mounting Get it Reached the temple, More of a sanctuary, Is that sacrilegious I guess it is, I'm stressed as ever Trying to get it to gether I'm way too tired for a remix; All i really want is some fries that are french And some thighs that are thick Like mine to sit on like five or six dicks Pick up up like chopped sticks {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

[[Over It.]]

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 5, 2023 25:07

Now, I found all of them irresistible— But it seemed as though Sonny was playing with my mind, and as if I could ever just narrow it down to only him again as I had in the past might not only prove impossible, but devastating. As I tried my hardest to whittle down my figure into what seemed like nothing, the closer to celebrity size I drew myself in my daily gym routine and nutrition regimen, it still seemed wrong to try to even imagine, that even if he was perhaps my eldest counterpart and most compatible soulmate, that we would align at all anytime soon unless I were perhaps able to strip myself of any reminence of my old life—which of course included the leftover skin and stretch marks, the scars of bearing another man's children, which of course, though I had done well in the way of removing as much ugly as there was possible, was at the very worst and at best probably humiliating to even consider, the severity of my wit and talent aside, the emergence of a rare genius disregarded; I was used goods, and would probably have to be someone else entirely to even get along well in his circle of perfect-bodied and presitgious, elitist women—most of whom, as his own fan base had gathered, were ‘beautiful and intelligent', and with him he kept himself constantly guarded with and surrounded by— petite, gorgeous, rich and talented women, probably for all I knew who were all just as interested in bearing his children as I was—and had been, without at first knowing so—but in the years I had spend battling the innate and unweilding attachment through whatever explicit soul bonding we seemed to share—and we were, in fact, bound to each other in some kind of way, undoubtedly and unrelentlesly, I had learned what with Sonny had come with the territory of Skrillex—and it was, indeed—a lot of territory; territory, property, holdings, and whatever else you wanted to call absolute dominance and overriding ownership in an industry which I had only so recently become familiar with, and had learned that whether or not I wanted, I would end up dealing with him in his own realm in one way or another, more than probably along with the soul-stealing, mind numbing collection of competitive and ruthless women he seemed to need surrounding him at all times. Then, of course, there was the fact that I had deeply considered Dillon at the heart of it all for a brief moment, that is, before he had hinted and and then made a point to mention his girlfriend—at which point I had realized that the work accomplished within the project, and especially that which was in his namesake, was simply business, again, to not quite my demise and never to my detriment, the emotional pull of the wrath I had faced in mourning a cry to the universe to send an army of spiritual warriors and angles the likes of which I had never seen—the helping hands of Anandar, who though a self stated advocate of ‘The Devil' had also groomed my once-lost ability to create on a whim, and of course, a frenzy of Dillon Francis look-alikes that seemed to exist if only to remind me of my bizzare and intense, undying sexual attraction to the man, despite his supposed status as taken or ‘off-market', and though I had learned in various ways to cope with the loss or mourn what might have been, to grieve even just the budding friendship which had become of the very begginings of it all, Dillon seemed sly and straightforward in a way that still hinted at something else—and however in my own obedience to my moral laws of monogamy, respecting one's own self and others in the way that there could never be more than business between the two of us, there was also there an attachment to my soul, and in an ascended sense, a higher purpose for what too, had happened with Dillon Francis—and though there may not have been such an obvious slew of women at his feet at any given time, it was almost uncannily more heartbreaking that I knew there were just as many beautiful, perfect women in line to be the mother of his children—more the marrying type, precisely by Hollywood and the white Caucasian standards, especially held by those of Californian men, all of which he was—that is,— the marrying type, Caucasian, and Californian, all of which fit my ideal genetically-driven standards, however with a personality which suited mine (almost too well,) a music portfolio that exhibited genius in itself despite its critical appeal, and the ability to make me laugh in even just the mildest thought form, it seemed that the possibility that o could love this man had bloomed, and then folded just as quickly—something like a night flower; in the light to was clear to see all the reasons someone like myself could never be suited for such a man, especially to marry and raise his children—by anyone's standards, and that I, again, would have to become an entirely other person to do so—and perhaps, in time, I would—become enough of another person; however, still myself, and with the grips of age upon all of us, I settled into the knowing that a man like Dillon Francis would by now have found a perfect thorough-bread white women with whom to share his life with—in the way of a smart businessman, which I also knew he was. Perfect, either way, I was still somehow remarkably thankful to his parents for having brought him into the world, in which doing so they had colored my own with such warmth and smiles that I could not ignore. i had realized for some time that my own predisposition to designer children had become a prominent factor in my own mounting attraction; it appeared as though surely the father to my future children was indeed white, and thiugh looked down upon by the blacks for being so inconsiderate as yo even be attracted to ‘my own kind', I saw it as just that—‘my own kind, in that I could not so much be attracted to dark skinned men as I could be attracted to anyone in my own family—brothers, cousins, etc., and in my own mind it even felt wrong and strange to consider that my future children would be passed the considerable amount of genetic trauma and all the disadvantages that came with it—not to mention the cruelty and trauma in the waking life I had experienced with nearly every black man I had ever known, and it seemed almost as if all men of color were meant to be friends and not partners within this waking world—sexual partners, at least—as I wasn't by the hurt I had experienced yet intrinsically racist and afraid; in business, and of course, especially in music, I had become used to being classified by race and had become so familiar with the inner workings of the colored world and colored culture through music—of course, in a world where the rappers and producers of the hip-hop world never wanted to just be friends, or simply work on projects fluidly, without some kind of innuendo or connotation—which I had years ago, of course realized, could have skyrocketed me to success, playing this sort of game; using my sexuality and sensibility for studio time, or dating around in the circles of mini-stardom that came with the movement of money from the streets; it was simple to see and easy to know that most rappers came into money in other ways in order to afford studio time, producers, and pieces of the limelight, and with that, came the expectation that the women of the industry were typically expected to succumb to the misogynistic standards represented in colored culture; it had become apparent in the world of music, but especially in hip hop and R&B music culture, that women were seen as objects, possessions, and decorations—all of which was devastating to myself, of course, a semi-androgynous non-bianary post-racial indigent indigenous-American with more of a mind for integration and evolution than materialism and manipulation; all this to say, I simply wasn't fit to be controlled and contorted by the color-coded system within the hip-hop industry, and in which ways never considered myself ‘black' or ‘black enough' without some forceful habit forming, or movement within the system I had of course out of sheer dissemblance been sorted into. Then, I wasn't typically willing to give up on any of my ideals, and of course had set my sights on being the perfect woman for whatever future husband and father to my future children would have me; I had missed out on the Hollywood life by a long shot and it would literally take a miracle to make me into a star; something like Anandar, but with a lot more money and power to fix all that was broken with my body, my heart, and my mind to match the charisma and talent I knew that I had—and I knew that I did have it. I knew that with a perfect body I would have already been given the opportunity to be signed somewhere, probably a major label like I had wanted—because with the talent that I already did have to match a perfect body, I was marketable. I knew that given the right clothes, nails, and hairstyles I would become a magnet for attraction, as even know, roaming the streets of New York City in ragged harem pants and old Chuck Taylors, I still had a sense of undying magnetism about me in my presence alone; a stature which dominated and demanded respect from those with the right eyesight and mind frame to see past my worn and haggard appearance and into the untapped plethora of symphonies and sonic alchemism which had been so divinely gifted, the thing which I kept sacred and cherished most in myself—and I did love myself, actually, probably so much so that the hatred and darkness of the world which seemed to need me to end myself continued to follow me in the form of what one might call the devil, if one believed in such—the typically obese or otherwise empty, malleable broken and soulless bodies possessed by which I had named ‘the coughing demon', which seemed some kind of demonic or satanic force with no other aim than to have me dead at all. I was, in fact, some sort of genius—not of course that it meant anything to anyone probably besides my mother, and whatever lover could see past my obvious faults—a body which had been tormented and stretched, scarred by trauma, a seven year old son with whom his father I had forcibly become estranged from due to violence—who may have even gone far enough as to have me hunted by this coughing demon so that I may never know my very own son— and the rest of the baggage that came with being a broken soul, once homeless, with skin dark enough to be prone to racism and without the perfect body to make up for it; as, one thing I had noticed is that the men of my desire often could see past color—so long as the body which was painted in any way brown was perfect enough to suit him. I knew I needed to Fonda way to pay for that surgery, to remove the damage which had been done to my body in the 30 years I had spent on earth, most of which I had spent fighting in some way for freedom, and best of all love—which to now, only my sons had truly given me; perhaps I could take a lesson from Kayla Lauren after all—the reformed pornstar and personal trainer — I hated personal training with a bloody passion, but making enough money for that kind of surgery on a DJ's salary seemed impossible, and probably was. It would take almost no time at all to become certified, and after all, under all that excess skin and ugly trauma was the body I had wanted and needed all along, to attract someone like Sonny. The moment had gone, though—and all of my wants and thoughts were in the wash; I had almost taken the long route of possible love—and it was the longest road at all to have gone from Sonny, to Dillon, to Joel with nothing more than a plethora of songs and all that I had ever wanted to become; In fact, all I had ever really wanted was love—but at this point, the point of no return, I realized that there was no inconceivable way that that love would come from the top, especially at the bottom— and now, from the confines of a hotel room full of broken and lost souls, Grammy season upon us with the nomination for the Best Dance album or whatever it was seeming to come from the very bottom of my own misguided heart, I learned my lessons entirely wel—to let go, and to learn from everything I had gathered, to make a list of everything I had ever wanted, material or not, and to pay close attention to every song and album drop —to pull the pieces of The Festival Project together for my own good, and forget about love. There was no love in music business, just music—and perhaps the only father to my children was the father to my son, who I had brighter forgotten nor sacrificed in exchanged for whatever arrangement was expected; that with the demonic howling of racing cars and the satanic whooping coughs of the empty bodies which surrounded me at all times had indeed trapped me in this loveless region of Hell for no purpose other than being what I was— a ‘black woman', by society's standards, despite my own thoughts on the subject—and the subject simply was; Love. There was no reason to stay in a world without Love, and instead based on money, and so it was settled that though serving my purpose, whatever it was, my time became shorter with every cough—that I would much rather have love than money—and it almost seemed that one would not come without the other. —Tales of a superstar DJ [Return all RED negative energy back to sender— Return red energy to sender Return negative energy to sender; Return all negative m energy to sender m return red to sender] [When it] Turns out, The bottom of your heart Was the tip of the Ice Berg And the whole ship has [s]unk[en], [&] I[t]'s probably ice cold At the bottom of the ocean; I'll tell you where i'm from Why, I'll tell you anything for About one dollar Turns out, I've already got one eye on you; One eye'd sad heart I should probably roll out my art on you [I probably should not] One man bought a kiss, Another, a whole night from her– One man bought a whole farm The other, a Whole Foods Market –and you can't even franchise those Amazon's got a monopoly We were playing for corners of earth, All i got was some kandi, Subscriptions to candidly, Actually, I really liked the tree trial (I think i'll wait a week, sorry) When it turns out The world that you wanted Was actually hours already The dollar you got Was also borrowed And the money they wanted and got Was just actually stolen from someone else They bought all the food up And sold it for profits I promise this avocado Once costs nothing at all But you wanted that car for your daughter She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it My mom, on my honor Of all the garages in Lost Lands, I promise the owner of it was The first to go last, And the last to come home Now he's on his own alter And also the worshiper; How do you go back? Oh, you don't Oh you don't Oh, you don't wanna know that But i was of course, All of your rock bottoms It's bottoms and tops, and We don't let the top fall over, We're counting up crumbs And this muffin costs $24 dollars Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks For the dead homies Not dead in the general sense But just in the head, the heart, And the soul The homeless are happier at McDonalds Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere I'll avoid the power struggle at operations for about 18 dollars and 56 sense (Please, keep the pennies) I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's Something indecent, or decadent Whichever it is Cause i'm better of with the memory of it Than actually dragging it in. –I'm a cat again. Ouch. Shut up. It HURTS. Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics. YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid. Yes, but lucily* for you– –or, for him– Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid. –Ouch– –Shut up. That we know of. No, not the google documents! GET IN THE HOLE. Hm. What. Blood Shower All along the watch tower Do you feel good? Do you? Do you feel bad about this. I do. I feel bad about this. I forgot to tell you– I should probably let you know that I just want to MAN, FUCK THIS DUDE. MA. WAHT. IT'S ON. WHAt. THE SHOW IS ON. THEWHAT. THE– *suddenly self aware* …I gotta get out of Boston. What, first this was about war, now it's about bird people? It's about a war WITH the bird people. I should sleep. Hahaha. No. This isn't funny anymore. At least it's over. MA– Oh, it's far from over. Yo, i'm going through some crazy shit right now. Spur of the moment I'd never thought of it; This is gonna take forever. I don't have the patience To even write this I just want french fries right now But been up for two days with no gym and I'm on a diet. GUAC TIME. No, no burritos. GUAC TIME. Oh shit, this is getting real as fuck . NOw i see it three ways. I love it. I hate it. HEY, LET ME OUT. GET BACK IN YOUR HOLE, SKRILLEX. I'M DILLON FRANCIS. IN THE HOLE. Check it out. Huh. It's another DJ. *agrees* Should we pick him up. WEll, the good news is: I found your friend. Oh, that's good. The bad news is: He's dead. Oh, that–'s … nice. Yeah. It is. Uh. Kaskade. Yeah. We gotta find Ryan. Why. What's up? You're freaking me out. Why. What's up. Nothing IS it my eyes? I– *wild ass eyes* Yeah, it's probably that. Fuck dude, what did you do to deadmau5. NOTHIN. He's not the same. What the fuck is that. Holy shit I jus timejumped Where the fuck are you going. How the fuck could this happen?! It COULDN'T. Well, that's it then. *shrugs* Well, I guess we're just gonna have to go dig up Dillon Francis. I guess so. Do you think he's still alive. Like, probably not– Maybe… No, probably not @prodbywar& @Halmadeit This amazon order took me nine hours Alexa, I think i should fire her Like a arm I don't leave at night without armor Don't make me a martyr Your mom will be proud of us all If i make it outta here And i'll look after her Got the whole block coming up on my heels as I walk Wtf is it… Idk dude. Is it speeding up? I…i think so. There's no way this is 140 IT's 140. It's 140 . There's no way. Yes way. Nah huh. Let me see. No. Let me at the decks. Let me at the decks. NO. YO LET ME AT THE DECKS. You want deks. Yes. I got deks. Really. yeus . I never listened to it like this In ableton I read serato, synesthesia and rekordbox I talk a lot, I'm like a human music box I walk a lot I run my mouth a mile a minute (faster than i run around the track reciting rap words) Like they're passwords. Oh, I could do this forever.. I wish i had i microphone right now And was all alone With the lights off Lying on the floor I'd be lying if i said I could afford you Just to fornicate But may consider playing with a foreigner If you're all for her I'm unnerved, you know Cause i've been up so long My monster likes to play with boys and Make the bass go down below where Nobody does anymore Once I get a hold of things Or the hang of it You've got another hot ones on your hands I've another record under my belt Or in my roster, Whatever you'd call it But now I've got no time to bark about Wanting a dog and a daughter But none of the responsibility or Going through all the trouble to find her a father I'm still holding a fart in. Reaally–cause–it's been a really long time. WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT A LONG TIME, JIMMY FALLON?? Um a lot! You literally just saw me make the journey all the way up from nothing. I am nothing EXACTLY. I don't have time to fight with you Jiimmy Fallon. I did NOT write these games by myself you know?! Um, excuse me– “GAMES” ?! YES, GAMES. Uh, I've only got one game with you in it, my friend. Is that so! One game that I've written with the Great–formerly LATE Jimmy Fallon. Is that like a play on words cause i'm on late night TV YOu'RE ON ALL THE TIME TV, JIMMY. NBC SHIT IS PRACTICALLY AUTOMATICALLY SYNDICATED. -_- …are you alright. –_-_-__-_ Hold on, I think i've got it Nice, I found a growler. yOu still haven't got all the monsters and sprites Ive got all the big ones, but the little ones are harder to catch. GrO0Wl3rrr. Aww. He's so ugly. Yeah, but cute, though, right. I don't think so. Gro)WwlErrrrrrrrr. Aww. That's so fucking gross. lol . so what does this thing look like. Well, that't the thing about the monsters and sprites. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT. It's alright, it's alright–he's nice. WHAT. THAT'S A SPRITE. No, it's a monster. He's just scary. SUPACREE. David Bowie. What up. God, it took me ages to find you. Tell me about it. I'm still trying. We've been expecting you for a long time. You were expecting I'd die? Yes. So when she says she's “married to the music…” I'm married to the music. Oh, so. Yo, honestly if you een want to talk to this bitch, you'd better have like a musical instrument, or a mic in your hands, Otherwise– No, getawayfrom me. It's not even worth it. HI. –No. What's up? Tempo. SUNNI Cotour From the store I was poor Now i'm honorable In velour, Glamour (Snap) Forsure, Jesus Christs is making appearances in my abletons I'm not able to comprehend or understand exactly the message, But the evidence sire is mounting Get it Reached the temple, More of a sanctuary, Is that sacrilegious I guess it is, I'm stressed as ever Trying to get it to gether I'm way too tired for a remix; All i really want is some fries that are french And some thighs that are thick Like mine to sit on like five or six dicks Pick up up like chopped sticks {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

[[Over It.]]

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 5, 2023 25:07

Now, I found all of them irresistible— But it seemed as though Sonny was playing with my mind, and as if I could ever just narrow it down to only him again as I had in the past might not only prove impossible, but devastating. As I tried my hardest to whittle down my figure into what seemed like nothing, the closer to celebrity size I drew myself in my daily gym routine and nutrition regimen, it still seemed wrong to try to even imagine, that even if he was perhaps my eldest counterpart and most compatible soulmate, that we would align at all anytime soon unless I were perhaps able to strip myself of any reminence of my old life—which of course included the leftover skin and stretch marks, the scars of bearing another man's children, which of course, though I had done well in the way of removing as much ugly as there was possible, was at the very worst and at best probably humiliating to even consider, the severity of my wit and talent aside, the emergence of a rare genius disregarded; I was used goods, and would probably have to be someone else entirely to even get along well in his circle of perfect-bodied and presitgious, elitist women—most of whom, as his own fan base had gathered, were ‘beautiful and intelligent', and with him he kept himself constantly guarded with and surrounded by— petite, gorgeous, rich and talented women, probably for all I knew who were all just as interested in bearing his children as I was—and had been, without at first knowing so—but in the years I had spend battling the innate and unweilding attachment through whatever explicit soul bonding we seemed to share—and we were, in fact, bound to each other in some kind of way, undoubtedly and unrelentlesly, I had learned what with Sonny had come with the territory of Skrillex—and it was, indeed—a lot of territory; territory, property, holdings, and whatever else you wanted to call absolute dominance and overriding ownership in an industry which I had only so recently become familiar with, and had learned that whether or not I wanted, I would end up dealing with him in his own realm in one way or another, more than probably along with the soul-stealing, mind numbing collection of competitive and ruthless women he seemed to need surrounding him at all times. Then, of course, there was the fact that I had deeply considered Dillon at the heart of it all for a brief moment, that is, before he had hinted and and then made a point to mention his girlfriend—at which point I had realized that the work accomplished within the project, and especially that which was in his namesake, was simply business, again, to not quite my demise and never to my detriment, the emotional pull of the wrath I had faced in mourning a cry to the universe to send an army of spiritual warriors and angles the likes of which I had never seen—the helping hands of Anandar, who though a self stated advocate of ‘The Devil' had also groomed my once-lost ability to create on a whim, and of course, a frenzy of Dillon Francis look-alikes that seemed to exist if only to remind me of my bizzare and intense, undying sexual attraction to the man, despite his supposed status as taken or ‘off-market', and though I had learned in various ways to cope with the loss or mourn what might have been, to grieve even just the budding friendship which had become of the very begginings of it all, Dillon seemed sly and straightforward in a way that still hinted at something else—and however in my own obedience to my moral laws of monogamy, respecting one's own self and others in the way that there could never be more than business between the two of us, there was also there an attachment to my soul, and in an ascended sense, a higher purpose for what too, had happened with Dillon Francis—and though there may not have been such an obvious slew of women at his feet at any given time, it was almost uncannily more heartbreaking that I knew there were just as many beautiful, perfect women in line to be the mother of his children—more the marrying type, precisely by Hollywood and the white Caucasian standards, especially held by those of Californian men, all of which he was—that is,— the marrying type, Caucasian, and Californian, all of which fit my ideal genetically-driven standards, however with a personality which suited mine (almost too well,) a music portfolio that exhibited genius in itself despite its critical appeal, and the ability to make me laugh in even just the mildest thought form, it seemed that the possibility that o could love this man had bloomed, and then folded just as quickly—something like a night flower; in the light to was clear to see all the reasons someone like myself could never be suited for such a man, especially to marry and raise his children—by anyone's standards, and that I, again, would have to become an entirely other person to do so—and perhaps, in time, I would—become enough of another person; however, still myself, and with the grips of age upon all of us, I settled into the knowing that a man like Dillon Francis would by now have found a perfect thorough-bread white women with whom to share his life with—in the way of a smart businessman, which I also knew he was. Perfect, either way, I was still somehow remarkably thankful to his parents for having brought him into the world, in which doing so they had colored my own with such warmth and smiles that I could not ignore. i had realized for some time that my own predisposition to designer children had become a prominent factor in my own mounting attraction; it appeared as though surely the father to my future children was indeed white, and thiugh looked down upon by the blacks for being so inconsiderate as yo even be attracted to ‘my own kind', I saw it as just that—‘my own kind, in that I could not so much be attracted to dark skinned men as I could be attracted to anyone in my own family—brothers, cousins, etc., and in my own mind it even felt wrong and strange to consider that my future children would be passed the considerable amount of genetic trauma and all the disadvantages that came with it—not to mention the cruelty and trauma in the waking life I had experienced with nearly every black man I had ever known, and it seemed almost as if all men of color were meant to be friends and not partners within this waking world—sexual partners, at least—as I wasn't by the hurt I had experienced yet intrinsically racist and afraid; in business, and of course, especially in music, I had become used to being classified by race and had become so familiar with the inner workings of the colored world and colored culture through music—of course, in a world where the rappers and producers of the hip-hop world never wanted to just be friends, or simply work on projects fluidly, without some kind of innuendo or connotation—which I had years ago, of course realized, could have skyrocketed me to success, playing this sort of game; using my sexuality and sensibility for studio time, or dating around in the circles of mini-stardom that came with the movement of money from the streets; it was simple to see and easy to know that most rappers came into money in other ways in order to afford studio time, producers, and pieces of the limelight, and with that, came the expectation that the women of the industry were typically expected to succumb to the misogynistic standards represented in colored culture; it had become apparent in the world of music, but especially in hip hop and R&B music culture, that women were seen as objects, possessions, and decorations—all of which was devastating to myself, of course, a semi-androgynous non-bianary post-racial indigent indigenous-American with more of a mind for integration and evolution than materialism and manipulation; all this to say, I simply wasn't fit to be controlled and contorted by the color-coded system within the hip-hop industry, and in which ways never considered myself ‘black' or ‘black enough' without some forceful habit forming, or movement within the system I had of course out of sheer dissemblance been sorted into. Then, I wasn't typically willing to give up on any of my ideals, and of course had set my sights on being the perfect woman for whatever future husband and father to my future children would have me; I had missed out on the Hollywood life by a long shot and it would literally take a miracle to make me into a star; something like Anandar, but with a lot more money and power to fix all that was broken with my body, my heart, and my mind to match the charisma and talent I knew that I had—and I knew that I did have it. I knew that with a perfect body I would have already been given the opportunity to be signed somewhere, probably a major label like I had wanted—because with the talent that I already did have to match a perfect body, I was marketable. I knew that given the right clothes, nails, and hairstyles I would become a magnet for attraction, as even know, roaming the streets of New York City in ragged harem pants and old Chuck Taylors, I still had a sense of undying magnetism about me in my presence alone; a stature which dominated and demanded respect from those with the right eyesight and mind frame to see past my worn and haggard appearance and into the untapped plethora of symphonies and sonic alchemism which had been so divinely gifted, the thing which I kept sacred and cherished most in myself—and I did love myself, actually, probably so much so that the hatred and darkness of the world which seemed to need me to end myself continued to follow me in the form of what one might call the devil, if one believed in such—the typically obese or otherwise empty, malleable broken and soulless bodies possessed by which I had named ‘the coughing demon', which seemed some kind of demonic or satanic force with no other aim than to have me dead at all. I was, in fact, some sort of genius—not of course that it meant anything to anyone probably besides my mother, and whatever lover could see past my obvious faults—a body which had been tormented and stretched, scarred by trauma, a seven year old son with whom his father I had forcibly become estranged from due to violence—who may have even gone far enough as to have me hunted by this coughing demon so that I may never know my very own son— and the rest of the baggage that came with being a broken soul, once homeless, with skin dark enough to be prone to racism and without the perfect body to make up for it; as, one thing I had noticed is that the men of my desire often could see past color—so long as the body which was painted in any way brown was perfect enough to suit him. I knew I needed to Fonda way to pay for that surgery, to remove the damage which had been done to my body in the 30 years I had spent on earth, most of which I had spent fighting in some way for freedom, and best of all love—which to now, only my sons had truly given me; perhaps I could take a lesson from Kayla Lauren after all—the reformed pornstar and personal trainer — I hated personal training with a bloody passion, but making enough money for that kind of surgery on a DJ's salary seemed impossible, and probably was. It would take almost no time at all to become certified, and after all, under all that excess skin and ugly trauma was the body I had wanted and needed all along, to attract someone like Sonny. The moment had gone, though—and all of my wants and thoughts were in the wash; I had almost taken the long route of possible love—and it was the longest road at all to have gone from Sonny, to Dillon, to Joel with nothing more than a plethora of songs and all that I had ever wanted to become; In fact, all I had ever really wanted was love—but at this point, the point of no return, I realized that there was no inconceivable way that that love would come from the top, especially at the bottom— and now, from the confines of a hotel room full of broken and lost souls, Grammy season upon us with the nomination for the Best Dance album or whatever it was seeming to come from the very bottom of my own misguided heart, I learned my lessons entirely wel—to let go, and to learn from everything I had gathered, to make a list of everything I had ever wanted, material or not, and to pay close attention to every song and album drop —to pull the pieces of The Festival Project together for my own good, and forget about love. There was no love in music business, just music—and perhaps the only father to my children was the father to my son, who I had brighter forgotten nor sacrificed in exchanged for whatever arrangement was expected; that with the demonic howling of racing cars and the satanic whooping coughs of the empty bodies which surrounded me at all times had indeed trapped me in this loveless region of Hell for no purpose other than being what I was— a ‘black woman', by society's standards, despite my own thoughts on the subject—and the subject simply was; Love. There was no reason to stay in a world without Love, and instead based on money, and so it was settled that though serving my purpose, whatever it was, my time became shorter with every cough—that I would much rather have love than money—and it almost seemed that one would not come without the other. —Tales of a superstar DJ [Return all RED negative energy back to sender— Return red energy to sender Return negative energy to sender; Return all negative m energy to sender m return red to sender] [When it] Turns out, The bottom of your heart Was the tip of the Ice Berg And the whole ship has [s]unk[en], [&] I[t]'s probably ice cold At the bottom of the ocean; I'll tell you where i'm from Why, I'll tell you anything for About one dollar Turns out, I've already got one eye on you; One eye'd sad heart I should probably roll out my art on you [I probably should not] One man bought a kiss, Another, a whole night from her– One man bought a whole farm The other, a Whole Foods Market –and you can't even franchise those Amazon's got a monopoly We were playing for corners of earth, All i got was some kandi, Subscriptions to candidly, Actually, I really liked the tree trial (I think i'll wait a week, sorry) When it turns out The world that you wanted Was actually hours already The dollar you got Was also borrowed And the money they wanted and got Was just actually stolen from someone else They bought all the food up And sold it for profits I promise this avocado Once costs nothing at all But you wanted that car for your daughter She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it My mom, on my honor Of all the garages in Lost Lands, I promise the owner of it was The first to go last, And the last to come home Now he's on his own alter And also the worshiper; How do you go back? Oh, you don't Oh you don't Oh, you don't wanna know that But i was of course, All of your rock bottoms It's bottoms and tops, and We don't let the top fall over, We're counting up crumbs And this muffin costs $24 dollars Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks For the dead homies Not dead in the general sense But just in the head, the heart, And the soul The homeless are happier at McDonalds Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere I'll avoid the power struggle at operations for about 18 dollars and 56 sense (Please, keep the pennies) I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's Something indecent, or decadent Whichever it is Cause i'm better of with the memory of it Than actually dragging it in. –I'm a cat again. Ouch. Shut up. It HURTS. Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics. YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid. Yes, but lucily* for you– –or, for him– Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid. –Ouch– –Shut up. That we know of. No, not the google documents! GET IN THE HOLE. Hm. What. Blood Shower All along the watch tower Do you feel good? Do you? Do you feel bad about this. I do. I feel bad about this. I forgot to tell you– I should probably let you know that I just want to MAN, FUCK THIS DUDE. MA. WAHT. IT'S ON. WHAt. THE SHOW IS ON. THEWHAT. THE– *suddenly self aware* …I gotta get out of Boston. What, first this was about war, now it's about bird people? It's about a war WITH the bird people. I should sleep. Hahaha. No. This isn't funny anymore. At least it's over. MA– Oh, it's far from over. Yo, i'm going through some crazy shit right now. Spur of the moment I'd never thought of it; This is gonna take forever. I don't have the patience To even write this I just want french fries right now But been up for two days with no gym and I'm on a diet. GUAC TIME. No, no burritos. GUAC TIME. Oh shit, this is getting real as fuck . NOw i see it three ways. I love it. I hate it. HEY, LET ME OUT. GET BACK IN YOUR HOLE, SKRILLEX. I'M DILLON FRANCIS. IN THE HOLE. Check it out. Huh. It's another DJ. *agrees* Should we pick him up. WEll, the good news is: I found your friend. Oh, that's good. The bad news is: He's dead. Oh, that–'s … nice. Yeah. It is. Uh. Kaskade. Yeah. We gotta find Ryan. Why. What's up? You're freaking me out. Why. What's up. Nothing IS it my eyes? I– *wild ass eyes* Yeah, it's probably that. Fuck dude, what did you do to deadmau5. NOTHIN. He's not the same. What the fuck is that. Holy shit I jus timejumped Where the fuck are you going. How the fuck could this happen?! It COULDN'T. Well, that's it then. *shrugs* Well, I guess we're just gonna have to go dig up Dillon Francis. I guess so. Do you think he's still alive. Like, probably not– Maybe… No, probably not @prodbywar& @Halmadeit This amazon order took me nine hours Alexa, I think i should fire her Like a arm I don't leave at night without armor Don't make me a martyr Your mom will be proud of us all If i make it outta here And i'll look after her Got the whole block coming up on my heels as I walk Wtf is it… Idk dude. Is it speeding up? I…i think so. There's no way this is 140 IT's 140. It's 140 . There's no way. Yes way. Nah huh. Let me see. No. Let me at the decks. Let me at the decks. NO. YO LET ME AT THE DECKS. You want deks. Yes. I got deks. Really. yeus . I never listened to it like this In ableton I read serato, synesthesia and rekordbox I talk a lot, I'm like a human music box I walk a lot I run my mouth a mile a minute (faster than i run around the track reciting rap words) Like they're passwords. Oh, I could do this forever.. I wish i had i microphone right now And was all alone With the lights off Lying on the floor I'd be lying if i said I could afford you Just to fornicate But may consider playing with a foreigner If you're all for her I'm unnerved, you know Cause i've been up so long My monster likes to play with boys and Make the bass go down below where Nobody does anymore Once I get a hold of things Or the hang of it You've got another hot ones on your hands I've another record under my belt Or in my roster, Whatever you'd call it But now I've got no time to bark about Wanting a dog and a daughter But none of the responsibility or Going through all the trouble to find her a father I'm still holding a fart in. Reaally–cause–it's been a really long time. WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT A LONG TIME, JIMMY FALLON?? Um a lot! You literally just saw me make the journey all the way up from nothing. I am nothing EXACTLY. I don't have time to fight with you Jiimmy Fallon. I did NOT write these games by myself you know?! Um, excuse me– “GAMES” ?! YES, GAMES. Uh, I've only got one game with you in it, my friend. Is that so! One game that I've written with the Great–formerly LATE Jimmy Fallon. Is that like a play on words cause i'm on late night TV YOu'RE ON ALL THE TIME TV, JIMMY. NBC SHIT IS PRACTICALLY AUTOMATICALLY SYNDICATED. -_- …are you alright. –_-_-__-_ Hold on, I think i've got it Nice, I found a growler. yOu still haven't got all the monsters and sprites Ive got all the big ones, but the little ones are harder to catch. GrO0Wl3rrr. Aww. He's so ugly. Yeah, but cute, though, right. I don't think so. Gro)WwlErrrrrrrrr. Aww. That's so fucking gross. lol . so what does this thing look like. Well, that't the thing about the monsters and sprites. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT. It's alright, it's alright–he's nice. WHAT. THAT'S A SPRITE. No, it's a monster. He's just scary. SUPACREE. David Bowie. What up. God, it took me ages to find you. Tell me about it. I'm still trying. We've been expecting you for a long time. You were expecting I'd die? Yes. So when she says she's “married to the music…” I'm married to the music. Oh, so. Yo, honestly if you een want to talk to this bitch, you'd better have like a musical instrument, or a mic in your hands, Otherwise– No, getawayfrom me. It's not even worth it. HI. –No. What's up? Tempo. SUNNI Cotour From the store I was poor Now i'm honorable In velour, Glamour (Snap) Forsure, Jesus Christs is making appearances in my abletons I'm not able to comprehend or understand exactly the message, But the evidence sire is mounting Get it Reached the temple, More of a sanctuary, Is that sacrilegious I guess it is, I'm stressed as ever Trying to get it to gether I'm way too tired for a remix; All i really want is some fries that are french And some thighs that are thick Like mine to sit on like five or six dicks Pick up up like chopped sticks {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

[In The Wild.]

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 3, 2023 70:10

taking a break to try to stop the coughing. idk sux ppl can just be controlled like that. doing my best to be my best ^.^ gotta smile thru tha gross hacking coughing demon ppl everywhere lol (not cool) :( oh - also go listen to Dillon Francis's new album 'This MixtapE is Fire Too' cuz it is fire (except 2 songs i had to skip) plz don't hurt otherscover your mouthn don't be evil demon ppl thx for listening. peace. -b. [so far in the pregame:] For fear of fire; Best not to wander off, With no back track– Might have forgotten the rest, but It wasn't a poem, or part of a song At least, not yet Fuck man. I really want to sample this. Can't sample deadmau5; he's a bitch about paperwork. You cant technically say that. I mean, I technically didnd't. Just let your fingers do the talking. Ooh, look at that one. What are you doing. Some online shopping. For what. A man-thing. You're better off letting your back end Handle the conversation Then again, When in search of a venue Anything with the proper connections And stereo systems Will do in the moment. What do you want? To get rid of my hiccups. That's it: *huccups* yu-p. Wow, that's– Have you ever thought about just– I've thought about just about everything–that's how you got here. I'm gonna go ahead and admit–there's too much going on in my head. It's a lot. I'm gonna need a nap. GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME. *sheath/ swoard* Is that the sword of skrillex. Yeus. Give it to me. *stabs in thigh* Oooh. Not the balls! fair. Around the world we go Around we go again Here we are Oh no, It's the same song Over and over I'd like you to love to today (I'd love to forget for a moment I haven't) I know before long, we get older and older All wrong, It's the same one, Over and over. Have you seen my butt plugs? NO! GROSS. It's alright. I'll just pick some up on the way. AGGH. Better yet, can you just put in the order on amazon AmAZoN. Yes. (I'm so happy Amazon has anal plugs.) Please stop now. You're being a baby about this–just- You know what. Nevermind. I'll do it myself. Please do that. Siri– Oh my God. Alexa–reorder from Amazon. Come on focus. …hmm…now what was I doing? A B L E T O N *spinning rainbow wheel of doom* …seems like it was something. Come on….FOCUS. Hm. When's the last time you had a marshmello. Flashback: [BONFIRE: Burning The Skrillex] *Also making smores* CUT BACK TO: Like never, I'm vegan. PASQUALE WAKE. UP. Holy shit. It's you again. It's always me. Last time you were like 26. Well, now i'm this age. Wait, how old are you. Wouldn't you like to know. There's a lot of things i'd like to know about you, Pasquale, that's not even near the top of the list. Speaking of “top of the list”-- I do have a lot of things to do today. Oh yeah, what's that? I don't know. A bunch of crap. Speaking of crap– This is a lot of speaking. Happy Birthday. What is this. It's Captain Crunch. Yes it is. What is it doing in my lap. That's your lunch. I–no, it isn't. It is. No, i'm vegan. Well, that's the “happy” part in “happy birthday” No… Yes, actually. This is – It is– Vegan. Damn. Jinx. You owe me a Pererier. Shut up. Or a LaCroix. I'll taka a LaCroix. You're so LA. I guess that makes you Beverly Hills– Or Pacific Palisades. Is that Annexed. It is “LA” What else is in this? No animal product… “Yellow 6” It reads! What happened to yellow 1-5? A whole story. Yes, but not a whole food. “Yellow 6?!” That's the chemical complex you need to find yourself in the right dimension. Exactly. What's wrong with this dimension? What isn't? I'm in it! You're in it! Like I said. What– Just eat it. Ugh– happy trails. *disappears* Ugh. I gave that dude too much money. Fuck, what was I doing again. Deadmau5. Uhm, no i was– Deadmau5. Deadmau5. OOOOOH> YES. I KNOW IT'S YOU, YOU SLIMY MOTHERFUCKER. Stop it. YOU STOP IT. I KNOW IT'S YOU. Who is it? STOP IT. Stop–doing that. I know you're deadmau5. I most certainly am not. I know its you. I have boobs. How did you do this. I did–n't. That's right. Fuck, what happened. Nothin. Now I gotta kill my stupid brother. You have a brother?! SKRILLEX. GET IN HERE. Fuck, run. I gotta go. Go where. Uhm. Somewhere else. DILLON, THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE. IT WAS NEVER FUNNY. (It was funny to me.) God does have a sense of humor. AHAH–AHAHA–HAHAHA. As it turns out, not the absolute best sense of humor. Oh—he's okay! He's okay! No, he's dead. He's definitely dead. But a sense of humor, nonetheless. Fuck man. What did you do to Dillon Francis. Nothing. I just got him drunk On what?! Cyanide? Okay, I don't even know what that is. He's a corpse. –but a pretty one. C'mon. Be serious. I can't. Why not. It's hilarious, kinda. This isn't funny. No, it's hilarious. He earned it. He “earned” it? Well, yes– He is dead. I mean, it's a long story; but he brought it upon himself, honestly. “Honestly” Please. PLease. Please. No, I said. PLEASE. I SAID NO. What's this story. That's ten. I win. Fuck. DILLOn WAkE UP. *smacks* ahah. I think it's working I think he's waking up. He's not waking up. He must be. He's laughing. He's not laughing He said “haha' *smacks* haha . See. *smacks* Mm. This shit smacks HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKSSSS. Oh shit, is this the 90s. HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKSSS. *slams* GIMMIE MY HONEY SMACKS. That's it. There's no more. AW, COME ON. Sorry, that's all there is. WHAT. But yu can have captain crunch. I DON'T WANT CAPTAIN CRUNCH. I WANT HONEY SMACKS. I'm sorry, there are no more Honey Smacks. You can have Captain Crunch, or Shredded Wheat. GRAMPA Shredded Wheat is MY favorite. Ugh. Mm. Honey Smacks. I HATE YOU. Be nice to your brother. Lol. Everything about Dillon's eyes makes him devastating. Who plays tiny Dillon? I don't know. There are like nine in the script. It shouldn't be hard to cast. We'll go to utah. Fucking. I hate Utah. WELCOME TO UTAH. Nice. Alright, well, what other grounds are there to cover, here? DILLOn FRANCIS I am not doing this project. Of course you are–it's in your contract. What contract. The one you signed. Which–no–I didn't. But you did. SUNNI BLU I got you a drink. DILLON FRANCIS That looks fruity. SUNNI BLU Try it. DILLON FRANCIS *sips* DILLON FRANCIS CONT'D What's in this. Just– drink it. SUNNI BLU Don't look at me like that. DILLOn FRANCIS Like what. SUNNI BLU Do you need a mirror? DILLON FRANCIS I– SUNNI BLU Look down. DILLON FRANCIS *does* SUNNI BLU *flicking nose* Made you look. haha . DILLOn FRANCIS Wow. [takes drink] SUNNI BLUThat's the spirit. But literally there's a mirror between your feet, if you need one. [there literally is] SUNNI BLU CONT'D The floor is made of mirrors DILLOn FRANCIS *suddenly inebriated* Oh wow. SUNNI BLU The whole club turns into a disco ball. DILLON FRANCIS *suddenly very inebriated* That's–convenient. SUNNI BLU It is. SHIA DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS. If my dreams were not just dreams, everyone in here would have a lawsuit against me. A lot of us do. Carry on, then. SKRILLEX BLAIGH. Oh shit, its you again. I swear to God, I thought I killed this nigga. Are you sure it was him? SKRILLEX !!!! No. Alright, i've almost got it. Almost got what. This whole– thing. Oh. –and–it's gone. Really, that quick. I don't think you understand what's happening. You're right, i don't understand what's happening at all. Oh shit. I'm deadmau5. Nice. Fuck it, lets do some trolling. Alright alright. BUT FIRST, COFFEE. Fuck dude, I don't think I should have anymore coffee. Too late. deadmau5. ok . Deadmau5. Nice. D–0 DOn'T D o THis, I'M WARNING YOU. …. If you open that portal, there's no going back. *opens portal* Now you've done it. *goes into portal* Fuck. *portal closes neatly* *facepalm* *entire series of cosmos collapse in the great distance–time begins to stretch and bend uncontrollably* Come on, just let me lick the balls. NO. I'll give you a cookie. well … OH my GAWD. What. Come here, you have to see this. What the fuck is that. I don't know. Should i pick it up? No, don't touch it! He picked it up. Oh, gross. What is this. I don't know. I think it's fanfiction. Who wrote it. Idk. somefangirl. Fangurl. FaNGiRls. Well, Hey, at least i'm not a groupie. OH COME ON, JUST LET ME SUCK IT. GET AWAY FROM ME. PLEASE. i'LL GIVE YOU $40. -well. NOW, A COMMERCIAL BREAK. Since when does this show have commercials. It doesn't. I want to talk to Jimmy Fallon. That's–not happening. Why not. JIMMY FALLON BECAUSE I HAVE A CONTRACT WITH NBC. There he is– Nice. JIMMY FALLON YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I AM A FAMILY MAN, OKAY. Is that like Family Guy? By Chance?! SETH MCFARLENE (with super long hair) *crossing fingers* I'm hoping so. JIMMY FALLON Not even close! SETH MCFARLENE *snaps* Dammit. Oh, I get it. It's like–The Cofffee run Which “coffee run” THE coffee run. We'll have to admit, it's probably the most watched coffee run of all time. Of all of them. You know what? Fuck it, fire me. I'm doing this show. What?! JImmy. Why on EARTH would you ever agree to something like this. JIMMY FALLON THE COSMIC AVENGER Because–it's my duty. Yo. You know that song that everybody knows? You know the song because everybody knows this song. It goes: Lovin you– is easy cause youre beautiful. do - do- do - do- do- do- do… Yeah. You know that song. But you probably don't know who sings it. I'll tell you who sings it. That song is by an artist called Minnie Ripperton. That's a mouthful. Yeah, one hell of a name, huh. Well, that's the lady who sings the song. It's Minnie Riperton. Now, let me tell you something else you probably don't know: Something I probably wouldn't know if I wasn't a DJ But i know this, because I'm a DJ AND MAYA RUDOLPH WAUT A MINUTE. What the fuck, Maya Rudoph, are you doing in my bathroom at 5 AM It's 1:15 in the afternoon. I'm a DJ. It's 5 AM. That's making sense. I know it is. What's not making sense. Is why you're in my bathroom drinking a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. So it is. *slurps milkshake* *sitting on toilet* *slurps* What do you want. You want to know what I want? Apparently, a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. OK. OK. OK so what. Finish the script. –What? Fuck dude, how does this song sound good every time? Congratulations, you've gone entirely insane. beep-boop . [DJ] B00p beep. [Music Producer] Beep-beep. 0.c. Do not fall dangerously in love; Do not pass go Do not collect $200 Or any of it For any reason, For any of it For any of them Just keep it pushin; Just keep it private Just hold it all in and Do not let go Do not fall in love Do not pass go Do not unload Do not walk Do not cross here Do not It smells like butter. But you're vegan. I know. Do you think you're having a stroke. God, I fucking hope so. GOD You WHAT. I want to die. GOD I thought i heart you right. You heard me right–a THOUSAND times. I want to die. Take me out of this life. GOD Not until you make dubstep. WHAT. GOD You gotta make a grammy-winning dubstep album. I what. GOD Or at least nominated. No, I don't. GOD Beg your pardon. I'm not begging. GOD What are you getting at, hon? Look; Am I not one with the source? GOD Uhm–you are. Alright, Then: everything is everything. GOD Yes. And everyone is everyone. GOD This is true. So i'm Skrillex. GOD Skrillex is Skrillex So I Am. GOD … And I already won a grammy. GOD … Like a bunch of them, right. GOD Uh. So technically– GOD YOu know what. I can't argue with that logic. This isn't ableton. No. This is Logic. What the fuck. That's not Serato. No, that's Rekordbox. What the fuck is this. These are CDJs. There's no hot cues! What the fuck is a “HOT CUE” This is not food. What the fucking sauce. I'm warning you, Pasquale. Get off my lawn. THIS IS MY HOUSE. Your house it is not. *House music starts blasting* *lasers* sprinklers* dancers* WHAT THE FUCK. It's voice activated, I just– How did you do this?! What. WHAT DID YOu DO. AND WHEN. I don't know! I just took the delorean, like you said. You were supposed to find Dillon Francis. I did! The problem was, when I found the right one, he was dead! What? He's dead? Presumably! What do you mean by that!? It's a long story! WELL, HOW LONG? SUNNI BLU About as long as my dick! WHO IS THAT. I told you it's a long story. Well, let me in! Sorry Pasquale. No Can do. What. Why not. Cause you're on a federal watch list. What. Yeah. Sorry. Wait… You should probably leave before the feds get here. What? Unless you want to stay and party on the lawn but–not recommended. This is bizarre. The police arrive, surrounding Pasquale on the yard–moving in to arrest him. WAIT. SUPACREE turns away from the window; inside, a room full of her aliases sit looking somewhat miserably; SUPACREE!!! [Pasquale is handcuffed and i dragged off of the lawn] SUPACREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Careless, Acoustic–deadmau5 SUPACREE pours a bowl of captain crunch, taking one colossal bite and sits down in THE CONTROL ROOM at a large computer console; inhaling from a can of nitrous oxide. I'm the worst DJ ever. SUPACREE places the fames deadmau5 helmet atop her head and begins working at the computer promptly, clicking away; Now is deadmau5 I don't even know what key this song is in. MEOWINGTONS, Alive and well purrs and stretches, then settles atop SUPACREE/deadmau5's lap. This is insane. I don't know what's happening. END CREDITS. V. O. Lovin' You, Minnie Ripperton Carless, deadmau5 idk how i'm gonna mix that. Trust me. Anything can be mixed. Anything. [When it] Turns out, The bottom of your heart Was the tip of the Ice Berg And the whole ship has [s]unk[en], [&] I[t]'s probably ice cold At the bottom of the ocean; I'll tell you where i'm from Why, I'll tell you anything for About one dollar Turns out, I've already got one eye on you; One eye'd sad heart I should probably roll out my art on you [I probably should not] One man bought a kiss, Another, a whole night from her– One man bought a whole farm The other, a Whole Foods Market –and you can't even franchise those Amazon's got a monopoly We were playing for corners of earth, All i got was some kandi, Subscriptions to candidly, Actually, I really liked the tree trial (I think i'll wait a week, sorry) When it turns out The world that you wanted Was actually hours already The dollar you got Was also borrowed And the money they wanted and got Was just actually stolen from someone else They bought all the food up And sold it for profits I promise this avocado Once costs nothing at all But you wanted that car for your daughter She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it My mom, on my honor Of all the garages in Lost Lands, I promise the owner of it was The first to go last, And the last to come home Now he's on his own alter And also the worshiper; How do you go back? Oh, you don't Oh you don't Oh, you don't wanna know that But i was of course, All of your rock bottoms It's bottoms and tops, and We don't let the top fall over, We're counting up crumbs And this muffin costs $24 dollars Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks For the dead homies Not dead in the general sense But just in the head, the heart, And the soul The homeless are happier at McDonalds Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere I'll avoid the power struggle at operations for about 18 dollars and 56 sense (Please, keep the pennies) I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's Something indecent, or decadent Whichever it is Cause i'm better of with the memory of it Than actually dragging it in. –I'm a cat again. Ouch. Shut up. It HURTS. Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics. YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid. Yes, but lucily for you– –or, for him– Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid. –Ouch– –Shut up. That we know of. George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* Lookie here boys: What is it? –I'm leaving. Oh, you're gonna wanna hear this. What. I found the first “whites only” water fountain since 1962. Okay, what do you want? A deal. Oh, I'll give you a deal. Cash up front. [He presents a one dollar bill] Is this enough. [beat] Where are you going with this? Nowhere, fast. YO. What now, dude. SHE'S ONTO US. I doubt that. Look at this. I highly doubt– *gaaassp* Shenanigans! You know what I like about you, Ariana? Everything. Hah. Hm. You know how to keep a secret. I don't know what you're talking about. Exactly. *rolls eyes, flips hair.* Well, here's another one for you. –Another what? This is how my darkness becomes your darkness. I already have enough on my own. I know. You don't know. Only God knows. MOM! Don't ask me again. This is heavy, Doc. What is it? The soup! It's too heavy. Too much cream? Way too much! I have a meeting! Meeting with who? The Hollywood People. When? Soon–what time is it? I don't know. Dammit! Why don't you have any clocks in your house? I only just recently remembered what a clock was. Oh! Here. [God produces a small pocket watch and presents it to him; it's nearly noon on EARTH; But the two are sharing a meal of course in the famed kitchen of the Creator in the TImeless VOID.] Ah, Jesus Christ! He's not here… I'm gonna be late. Now, now; You know I wouldn't let that happen– [a smug look| Hugs and Kisses. [As they embrace, he disappears into a mist of light and stardust, fading away from the void and into the exterior world; he realizes God has slipped him the watch; he flips it open to reveal the time: it is now 11:44] Amazing. V.O. Now you won't wait so long to visit. [He places the wach in his pocket and walks into the studio] MICHAEL J. FOX has been asked to reprise his role as MARTY MCFLY many times before; But never for a project like this. ____ Meanwhile, What am I going to do with you? [The Festival Project.™] YOU'RE DEAD TO ME! –I'm dead to everyone! Don't do this. You wanted to come to the other side. No, I didn't. We'll you're here anyway; Might as well stay awhile. With eyes like burning fire And saddles for the riders The horse begins to gallop (or the horses, rather) On the mark to beating drums To move them forward faster What the fuck is this. idk. Kx5. *-* !_! Here u go Wat is this. it's a dragon. Oh, thats nice. Ya. Whats it do. Idk. dragon things. ok. Don't put it in ur bathroom. Why. idrk. Hm. † Hey. Ugh–No, Kaskade, go away. It's me, Ryan! No, Get out! I'm No† Ka–k (gags) –skade! Gross! It's just Ryan! I promise! NO. GET OUT. Lmfao. Right. This show is fantastic. Who was that. Fucking–Kaskade again! Are you sure. Ugh. Looks like Ryan. Kaskade is Kaskade. {shrugs] Dudes a creep. “Kaskade Ruins Lives” Is this the same episode as before? Eventually, yes. Wasn't I doing something Are you goona let this go? Um. Well I'm fucked. Why, what happened. Obsidian. That should do Unsobsidian. Okay, i'm fucked, Well, what's this? An Oreo Cookie. I mean, sitting next to it. Oh, its a portal gun. Raves are not just raves– A party is not simply a “party” –These big festivals –they're diversions. –DIstractions. Distractions from what. If you were supposed to know, –you'd know. it wouldn't be so important that you go. Why is it? These ancient rituals… It's occult magic. They've got it down to a science. The government funds this. The government funds everything. WoooooooW. It's not really a secret, if you can google it. ‘-complications.' I'm lost somewhere, gone HIppopatamus feeling quite off in the galaxies, galavanting Gazing at Daisies Aces and spades Gone from Heaven to Hades for days On the A– Adjacent Recently dismantling adjectives, Lampshades and matching curtains God it hurts, every day that I think about you; But how can i be about you when You don't even see me, do you Signature consignments, Wrong environments and irony is, I wasn't invited– –but invented it WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Great, now I have to explain myself. You don't have to. What's this space for? Oh, that's the red room. [The Red Room] Well, obviously, but– But what? What's it for? I don't think anybody should read this. HEY. Participation Only– Oh! No peeking! You ever feel like you're doing too much? Yeah, but not for money. Look, we have them surrounded. Our best course of action is to– deadmau5 . What? No– DEADMAU5. Well, are you sure it was a mouse and not a rat? It was a mouse. I know the difference. Do you, though? Look, I've lived in Mexico and New York City. So. In Queens. Oh. That's mathematically impossible. I mean it's not–impossible. No, it's not just impossible. It's mathematically impossible. Has it ever occurred to you that the DJ World in entirety exists outside of the realm of math and science? What is this. Just–enjoy the rave. No. What is this. Look at the firewoooorkkks! Woo EDC… NO. What is this right here. BEFORE: Hey, you still got that balloon? Yeah. Lemme see it. Dude, what are you doing? …I'mma go catch me a DJ. THIS IS NUTS. I can't feel my face. What do you call this? Collateral Damage. Look, I'm going to have to take frequent trips to the bathroom. ok . And–uhh– and. Uhh– Why did you call me over here. Cause i can. Look. this is not magic. This is not science. This is not “voodoo” Voodoo is magic. It's just music. W H E R E D I D H E G O O O O O I don't know. Fuck dude, I fucked up. Once again– Of course you did. What did you do this time? I might have evaporated someone with my fat fucking bass. Nice. Way to go. Yeah. Wait. … Did you just say. HE JUST He deserted me. SO WAIT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HERE? ALRIGHT, WHO THREW A ROCKSTAR IN MY TENT? JEFF Alright, lets go. WHO DID THIS. So what's this place. Lets not let this conversation resurface. This is a 21 Plus Event. What about VIP VIP is 25 Plus. What about that place. Sorry kids. [NO ENTRY] We gotta get in there. So then they wanted an Encore. Did you give them an encore? NO, i was already at my hotel room. Then how did you know that they wanted an encore? WHICH IS IT, THE WYNN, OR THE ENCORE. FUCK, I DON'T REMEMBER. Please, who stays at the Encore for EDC? Have you literally never been out with rich people? No, I literally just got rich. Oh, nice. So, wait, like– Here we go. Dillon Francis has just always been rich? Uh-huh. And Skrillex has always been rich? Yes. Definitely. And deadmau5. deadmau5 is Canadian. OH MY GOD. W E L C O M E I'm going to need your absolute discretion about this. Alright. Sign this waiver. …this is a…pretty heavy packet. I'll wait. I've never signed an NDA like that in my life. Lil' biiiiiiiiiiiiiitzzzz Can we just admit it's weird that we live in an era where “NDA” is household jargon. And like, everyone knows what it means. Everyone knows what an NDA is. I appreciate the sentiments Isn't it weird how it sets in automatically? Autopilot, go. Aww, i don't want to be Autopilot. You're on autopilot. I don't really have to think about it anymore, I'll have to sleep on it Wear a white t-shift, Hear the applause of the audience, Eat it You wanna know what I think? You want to know what I'm drinking? You know what I need? An Icee, (cause I see you typing) An awful Omnipotence A God of Mirages No more carbohydrates, I gotta get all thin; Forgot to acknowledge Whether or not i'm turning this off soon I are. I…”are” I are. Infinite Reality. OH. I. R. IR! IR! IRV I ARE. Suddenly, I remember the taste of talcum powder As If I were Moving backwards In time, Like, Why, God on earth would My mom let me try that, But if i'm honest, Fuck man, I hate deadmau5– There's just too much in here. Beep boop. I love deadmau5. It's so simple. What is this, MATH?! THIS IS AERODYNAMICS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE AERO DYNAMICS DId you mean what you said about that? I meant everything I said. Goddammit, fuck this, I was in the middle of a really complex poem In realtime, listening to deadmau5 Having a partially out of body spiritual experience, Entirely fucking sober FACEPALM BLŪ 8facepalming dramatically in frustration* NOBODY IS EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN ANY OF THIS. beepboop. YO. Oh, I forgot my open form poetry, or my mom How my mom once allowed me to gnaw on talcum powder But who can blame her That was a hard one It was a past life And now ive Got Another One HOly shit what version of the cube is this. 1D. What. You'll get it. Wait. Have you ever stopped for a minute to think– I can't stop for a minute, especially just to “think” [Literally stops for a minute to think.] No fucking way, uh-uh. Come on, man. No. I ain't time travelin' wit deadmau5. Come on– NO. –that someone else has already figured all of this out and that's how any of it is possible in the first place. Alright, i'm gonna need some mind-altering drugs for this. What are you doing. Voluntary Ego Death. I– Wait. Why would you. Get out of my brain. I am your brain. Take care, now. Holy shit, it seems like she's getting more evil. That's because she's definitely more evil ALRIGHT, I'M TIRED OF THIS: WHERE IN THE FUCK IS SKRILLEX. MEANWHILE INT. IN THE FUCK. DAY. *rings doorbell* AT YOUR MOM'S HOUSE. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME. I'm not joking, that's…literally the answer to your question. Oh. Fuck. What dude. We gotta go back. I left the keys in the pocket of the guy I shapeshifted into. Are you serious? It's fine, he can't have gone too far, dude. What do you mean he “left the dimension” He entered a portal. He– wait, excuse me. A portal. A “portal”, dude? Yeah; a portal. What do you mean “a portal” A portal, like— you know, like a portal gun, but not a portal gun, just a portal. Uh huh. Excuse us for a second. What the fuck is this dude talking about? I don't know, man. Humans don't use portals! I know man. What the fuck! Well, wait—how do we know that guy is human. He looks human. Yeah dude but, we look human. Duh! Cause we shifted! Yeah, but, how do we know he's not a shifter. Because, dude, I know a shifter when I see one. Yeah, but—you know, what if he's really good. I highly doubt that. Why? Cause I'm the best. No, I am. Exactly, so we'd know if it was another shifter–cause we're the best shifters! Well, let's at least try to see if he knows anything else about those guys. They were together right? I hope not. No, not like that—like Okay, okay, whatever, let's just… Wait, where'd he go? Excuse me. What up. There was just another guy over here just now— He was like—you know—normal looking guy Tie die* shirt Yeah. Did you see him. Yeah, I saw him. Alright, cool, where'd he go? He left. What?! That was fast! Yeah, well…it happens. Are you sure? Yes. *actually is shifter* [as they walk away, the shifter shifts, and then vanishes into a random portal.] Awww, dammit, Now we're never gonna find this guy. Never say never. Whatever, we're dead. We're always dead. Yeah, but like in modern human slang terms Oh, yeah, that. Anyways, I gotta relieve this human's bladder. I fucking hate this species for this. It is useless. *enters portal potty* [ Wait, whatever actually did happen to Dillon Francis? That's great, I was just getting to that. 19 Pages. Nice. …no, 12. What. [11:12] Okay, I'm gonna kill him. Oh, I banished him. With my fists. Nice. Tits. Nice tits. Thx. Hey man. Hey what. Remember that smudge on the lens. Yeah. It just got bigger. … did you try vinegar instead of Windex. Yes. –IT'S NOT A SMUDGE. Did you try Windex with Vinegar. –IT'S NOT A– Shut up. I'm. So. Hungry. Look, do you want this, or not? Do you feel like any of this is a coincidence? Just quit, it. Dillon Francis. WHERE IS IT? I don't know. Lets kick this up a notch. ILLUMINATI What do you want? … I want the full package. ILLUMINATI Okay, I'm gonna need specifics. How do you even get a job as a courier for the illuminati? [INDEED.COM | ILLUMINATI - COURIER- URGENTLY HIRING] Hm. It was a pretty specific list. I don't even get the point of a barbeque if everyone is vegan Well, The Mayor eats fish. Oh please, where is THAT guy the Mayor of? I don't know. We meet in the Matrix. This is for you. Oh. Do you like it? I– It's not a brothel! It's Member's Only! YOu BUY a Membership. Yeah. And WOMEN. HEy, MAN, YOU CAN BUY DUDES, TOO. SHHH. Oh no. What. What did you do? I gave her my credit card. The Heavy One? Yes, and– “AND” –access to the black market. Cool, I got it. Oh, another auction. Of course another auction. What'd you buy this time? A lifesize deadmau5 bobblehead. What are you gonna do with that? Wouldn't you like to know. Ok, gross. LIL BIIIIIIIITXXXX I love a good deamau5 show. He really does have the best fans, It's a comfortable, safe space. Very inviting. Everyone is happy. What the fuck, dude, this place is a sausage fest. Yeah, that's deadmau5 for ya. Hey, I'm looking for this shithead. Oh, that dude? Yeah, have you seen him? Fuck, I wish this never happened. LIL BIIIIITz If you don't know who deadmau6* is– GET OUT. Jk. but seriously this is easily the most devastating person i've ever seen. Maybe just to me, but. Are you sure that's the right guy? Yeah, that's gotta be him. Is he wearing glasses? Ugh. Oh wait. Damn. ‘Fuck, it is my sapiosexuality, I think' Even if it was perhaps an error, as I might have more than needed a new pair of glasses myself, just the thought of Joel in a pair of specables was suddenly and immediately the equivalent of Dillon Francis sitting down at a piano, or Sonny doing just about literally anything–and I realized, finally, that the most indecent things about myself were quite possibly only happening inside my own mind– Okay, my body does really weird things to this dude's music. Are you sure this is real? No. I love this. Just shut up and do your job. What a nightmare. PLease HElP ME. Hm. That can't be right. What. This translates to H E L P M E Oh, shit, I gotta go. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm always working. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm at work. Well, that was nice and all, but–I gotta get out of here. Where are you going? To shoot myself. Wow, that's one hell of a smile. Just–take it. I'm sorry, i can't accept this. What is even happening in this series? Like, a lot WOULD YOU KIDS SETTLE DOWN. *not settling down* *lil biiiiiiiitz* You know what I wonder? I wonder this I'm sober. I'm just sober sally over here. I didn't get sober. I just am. Cause i'd rather face the pain of this harsh reality with a bite than to dull it out and then wake up in the morning Or–just–whenever– To wake up whenever and be like “OH NO, THIS IS WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE” And the shock of it is so horrible that I just have to repeat that cycle again. ‘OH NOOOOOO” *gets faded* “It's all goooooood” No, it isn't. But i choose to stay like that cause it's like a It's not even a happy medium, It's more like a median-medium But you know what? It makes happier moments more happy And shitter moments less shitty Because i don't have this like drastic spacial Augmented reality or like smoke screen of emotional apathy. I get to feel things way more intensely. I don't have to wonder, ever “oh , did that just happen, cause I was messed up” Or like “would it have happened this way if I was sober” At all. I'm just level– No false sense of Pretty much anything. But i do wonder, though– Like, for people who weren't always sober, and then GOT sober– like , what's the breaking point What's the tip? I always have to sit back and wonder “What did you DO?” Cause you know it had to be something if suddenly “I don't drink anymore” I always wonder, and it's like– no disrespect or anything thing but… I really wanna hear that story. lol . I know you don't wanna tell it (if you can) But wanna hear it. Cause from my point of view. IT's probably hilarious. I know. I'm a dick. Holy shit. What is that. Looks like pasquale went all out with the fireworks this year. …is that a penis? WELCOME HOME It's a giant dick- in-the-sky! GOD IS REAL! JESUS Look, so i've been having second thoughts about this whole thing. What the fuck man. You gotta stop doing shit like this. JESUS I literally can't. I know, but. Okay, look. I'm not writing any of that. You've gotta tell him. NO, RYAN. WELL, WHY NOT. BECAUSE, RYAN. WHY. DEADMAU5 ISN'T REAL. Damn, am I in here. Nice. Of course I am. Well, how'd that happen. This is like a sea of cellphones. Perfect. It was a red car; I wasn't all there, And if you want her, You can have her Fuck. What. I forgot the rest of the verse. It's ok. We gotta move on. No, I gotta go back. For what. For my fans. Aw. What's this. IT's a ceramic mug. Wow, that's nice. I made it Wait. You made that?! Yeah. With your hands?! Yeah. Why would you do that? For you. What. I made it for you? Like, you thought of me first, then you made it? Yeah. WHY? Cause i love you! WOW. Fans are awesome OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *Sometimes. *vomits* … *dies* … *godlessness* [Devastating DJ Moments] I don't get it dawg, all this shit is in your music particles?! “Music particles” UGH. what . That's it. Don't be smart around me. Uh. I'm not smart? No, that won't work; sarcasm is a sign of deeper intelligence. “Sorry” Stop saying that. This is America. S– Don't say it again. Apology not accepted. Don't look at me like that. Like what. With your face. *face* Quick: Say something stupid and random. …I like anime. Oh good, that worked. Thanks. Where are you going? Idk somewhere else. Really, that's it? Yeah. That's all you have to say/ That's literally it. Are you seeing this. Yes. So what's the problem. Oh no, she's stuck in a loop. Throw the whole fan away. [DELETE] Did it work. Did what work. Oh, good. Cool. Wait. See ya later. Did what work? I wish i could just forget about this. Everything? Yeah. Look, this is between me and God–okay? GOD Don't drag me into this. You dragged ME into this! GOD Right. So i could get OUT; So don't drag me back in. Fuck, I remember this. I must have done something important here. Like what. Look, I love you. Great, now what do we do? Bury the body, I guess. *shrugs* Wait, what happened? Somebody dies. OKay, me first. Other Three: Who wants to go next. *still in shock* Fuck man, told you this was a long ass story. *Crying* I'm ruined. What! You went broke? No, i'm still a filthy rich millionaire. I thought you were a billionaire. I am I just *snifs* sometimes I forget that happened. “Sometimes I forget I'm a billionaire” I got to admit, man, I did it to myself. I'm not mad, or anything, but now there's just–certain things I can't do Oh, like what. Not that song. What, why not? You said “anything but Skrillex” this is not Skrillex, this is deadmau5. What's the difference? Okay, that's like saying “What's the difference between deadmau5' and my music?” No, it isn't. How is that not different? That's like comparing the music of Bach and Beethoven to the music of a tattooed hedgehog. You think I look like a hedgehog. No, it's just when I see you and a hedgehog I have all the same thoughts, turn this off. NO, i like this song. Seriously, Dillon Francis, turn it off. I'm gonna turn it up instead. I do not highly recommend doing that. Or at all. This ship has amazing subs. Should I bass boost this song. NO, PROBABLY NOT. Oh, why not? Dillon Francis, I'm warning you, stop. OH HOW COME BECAUSE WHY? BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A HEDEHOG NO, BECAUSE I ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP AT THIS *DROP* [INSTANTLY FALLS ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL–ACTIVATES HYPERSPACE– PLUMMETS SHIP INTO BLACK – HOLE. ohhhhh . What a hoe. Nice, that's a whole episode. Well, here's a bonus scene or whatever. Shazam, what is this. SHAZAM …i don't know. What do you mean you don't know. SHAZAM *panicing* IDONNO WHAT DO YOU MEAN– SHAZAM IDON. NO. OOOOOOOOOOOO Is this deadmau5. I'm not sure. Sounds like deadmau5. It sure does. This is pretty Ooh. it sparkles. yeah , it's deadmau5. How does she KNOW. I need a deadmau5 machine like right now. I know where to find that. Fuck dude, everything's gonna be half-ass until I push out this album. You can't rush it. Trust the process. I can't focus. Oh shit, wasn't this in the last episode? Yeah. I'm still writing backwards. God, what is that, like a pipe organ. WHAT SYNTH IS THIS. Doesn't matter, I just need one. That's it. I know what I'm going to spend my Jimmy Fallons On. And What's that? V.O. OOh. Are we Montaging–to deadmau5? [MONTAGE: deadmau5] Nice. I love a good montage. I love deadmau45* AHH OH NO. I love deadmau5. I keep making typos and I keep forgetting to delete that parallel where. fuckit. That's the synth I've always wanted. It's on sale for $999 At Sam Ash But…you only have Five JImmy Fallons. There are only five special edition in this Volume The Jimmy Fallon 555's I don't know how many volumes there are, but this is the Volume I started keeping track. Fuck, man. I miss Equinox. It's just Eucalyptus. They also have an outdoor running track where you get the best ever view of midtown manhattan. How do you know it's the best ever view of Midtown manhattan. Because it's on a running track. STOP WHISTLING IN MY WHOOP=WHOOPS. The JImmy Fallon 555s are marked with the standard Jimmy Fallon in black ink With a simple side marker of the number 555 in red And also in red, a telephone number on the back. But–that synthesizer is One Thousand Jimmy Fallons. Yeah. So I only need Nine Hundred Ninety Five More. And of course, the Eye of Providence is highlighted. Also Standard. V.O. I always highlight that. Cause, you know… “Illuminati” These are fake. No they're not! They're counterfeit, sorry. No they're not! They're authentic! Why the fuck does this matter so much? You know. What is it with this dude. If it was a snake, it would've bit ya. It was a snake. And it did bite me. He's so increasingly beautiful to me, And I'm still in love with his friend, or misrepresented masterpiece, Progression of a monster, or procession of a superstar, but Something in the story sparks the thought of All we are is consciousness, of course Awkward in body, but of constellations Cosmos, It's not just a corpse; It's all got love in it, Absurd, and sipping carbonated syrup, but I'm just sitting in my stirrups, Here comes galloping a horse, Of course, it hurts to turn it off For just a moment And remember That i'm just a homeless, Stuck and sitting up at night Writing recourse, hugging learning curves in ableton, Curving curses, been reminded that I'm worthless In a thousand words or less, Or just another form of torture, Nothing said, but all that's done Another day another dollar, But it's not It's Jimmy Fallon. I thought this was enter the multiverse. Are you ready to go. No. A hand on my shoulder So paifully socially awkward, I grow stretchmarks, don't know what to call them But scars, But the uglier ones, I've thought Are invisible, Somewhat– To the naked eye Or just anyone Not tiger stripes But one, an eye of horus Carved above my right And inside my lip, (The bottom one) A raised scar in the shape of a sythe I probably died by the hands of a man named Starr So it's hard to shrug it off, And 555 is just a number But it's not It's another scar, It's a punishment For loving him. What's on the back. It's…a number. What number? A telephone number. What. Like a 1-800 Number Call it. I love deadmau5. Something about a big, giant smiling robotic mouse that lights up and sparkles. Why? I don't know. I'm like 5. I see deadmau5 i'm like “WHEEEEEEE” My hands go up in the air “AHHHHHH! YAYYYYY” I'm so stupid. It's so stupid. But you know what? It makes me feel good. I'm not gonna lie. I love it. And by the time I even figured out what deadmau5 was I was so late to the party that I had to make up for lost time. I listened to deadmau5 doing EvErYThING. Everything you could possibly imagine. Well–Except one. Wait, how long have you been cellibate? Forever, probably. Fuck, what happened in here? I don't know. Everything's broken. My head My heart. Everything. Get up, Dillon Francis. Fuck, what happened. You sent us through a black hole. And we crashed on a random ass planet. Fuck, that sucks. YOu suck, Dillon Francis. Ugh. Now get up. Everything's fucked up. SUPERSTAR DJ I'm a paradox. I've got a box of skeletons in my closet i'm not ready to part with. I had a heart attack; I had a heart once, But lately it goes in my pocket; Or my right hand, When I wake up From a dream land, From a long hug From a nice man In a t-shirt KASKADE This is God's PLAN. RYAN, GET FUCKED. 800-799-7233 Did you call the number. Yeah. What is it. [National Domestic Violence Hotline] Woah. That was a long bonus scene. Well, Now here's a PSA. AND A PSA? YES. A PSA. You know what the fucked up thing about all this is, The Legend of Supacree is a true story. All of it. ALL OF IT?! ALL OF IT!? YES. Even the part about– YES. Especially that part. Woah. Damn. I think i'm gonna be sick. Shut up, Dillon Francis. No, but seriously– This is the story of how I got my heart broken so bad. YOU RUINED IT. So, so bad– I HATE YOU. That i started singing about it. NSA, totally *not spying* …are you hearing this. Yes. ILLUMINATI Check this out. Another one down. And how when you start making music– What is this. it's hoe math. And that music actually comes from a really real place. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. really real shit starts happening. You–killed yourself. well , to be fair–I lost everything first. Congratulations. Thx. Here's a skrillex. WHT. Kbye. Really, really, really. What, the fuck Dillon Francis, crawled inside of you to live and made it'self at home? Idon'tknow. What is in this sauce? Just–kill him. What, i can't just. Just kill him, while nobody is watching. Please don't kill me. Shut up, man. I'm having a thought process. Okay, that's it. FUCK DILLON FRANCIS. That's the spirit. THAT IS THE SPIRIT. IT'S THE HOLY SPIRIT. Who the fuck is this. It's–Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ? Jesus Christ?! JESUS CHRIST i'M BACK, MOTHERFUCKER. Wait, are you claiming that the second coming of the messiah is upon us?! YES. Well,Technically, it's the third. And it's all because of Dillon Francis?! I Please stop this HATE Help YOU. Fuck, dude. I know, huh. What did he DO. The third?! How did we miss that?! Uh, you didn't. [HITLER, being HITLER] (he was mad) Okay, that's it. You can't write any of this. Uh, I can. I just did. Technically, I'm dead: this is just a voiceover It's an 80's style PSA You can't say Hitler was the messiah. That's offensive. Everything is offensive. FUCK YOU DILLON. I'msosorry NOTYETYOU'RENOT. Wait, whatever happened to Skrillex. SKRILLEX is waiting outside of the alleged home of SUPACREE's “distant relatives” Lol is he for real at her mom's house. well , to be fair, he's like–looked everywhere else. Ur right. That was a lot of dimensions. So. like. Fuck, i didn't even have that much coffee. It just goes on forever. [DILLON FRANCIS STILL HAS HOTSAUCE IN HIS PUDGY LITTLE EYES] Good. Cause if I see the pupils, i'm wasting him. You think you can do better than this. Better than this? Yes. Yes. Then do it. Alright, is the PSA over? No, not yet. I gotta say one more thing. What is it? Would you ever have done it, Or would you ever be honest If you had, Handed her a lesson, Or a stretch of the past From the present moment, My heart, and my mind And my lover I present you this honor From now on to nowhere I no longer… Want to be near you Or to know you Or to hear you Or to fear you No longer… Want to feel you Or to touch you Or to have you Or to hold you Or to love you No longer, I no longer want you Devastating, A song stuck in my head for a whole world I wonder how long it would take to go back there A room full of actors, A manager, Never a backpack to wear Just a handful of hats, One director, Eventually producer Just now a showrunner Look at how long that took. I had to wonder what auroras in the north thought of someone like Sonny. They showed me. Now I can love you no longer So much for getting acquainted Funny what age equates to in ageless An infinite wisdom, I dismissed him, Nor, would I believe that he ever would hit her, but Some might belong in such a category Though i carry the marks and the scars Of what my once- husband did to me –but no longer. I haven't a heart in the world left But a broken one, made of amethyst. Fuck off, Dillon Francis. A calculated attack on my psyche. I like it a lot, But i'm fonder of sodom. WHAT. Are you saying you woul actually participate in an orgy! Oh GOD no! Oh, Good, cause– But i'd host one. WHAT. The hedonists are a fun bunch. Oh my God. Though, Nowadays, of course, I haven't the slightest idea what to call them. I saw the future. Well, obviously, if you've headlined EDC you've seen the future. I remember all of it. That must be awful. Why don't you remember it? Because i don't want to. Not at all. I did once. Then what happened? I hated it so much, i forgot. You forgot on purpose. I had to. Love, or Music. …Music. Love, or Fame. Fame. Okay, ouch. Love, or Music? …Love. Okay. Love, or Fame. Love. Okay. Love, or music? … Isn't that the same thing? Hm. Love, or Fame? ….Why do you keep asking me the same question. I beg your pardon? Why beg? I mean– What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, first you asked me, If would rather have Love or Music. Love. Music. Yes. In my mind, those are synonyms. Neither can really exist without the other. Okay, and Fame. Love and Fame are also synonyms– How so? Ugh, I just made this difficult on myself. It was always difficult. It really wasn't. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U. WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Yo My horizontal monster wants ya Could revert to vert, but lets keep Our options open Covert, __ My heart is broken No window open Who left the draft in –motherfucker My heart is broken I need a lover I need a lover Some one to hug me I need a hug, but And– I'm not fit to touch The hem of your garment The tip of your dick or fit enough to be your girlfriend I guess i'll just have to live with that When I have an itch, I scratch it myself I made the assumption you can't, And moved passed it But something's been calling me out, from the past Something's been calling me back to the magic I can't get around that Do you hate me? I can see that I'll just make my way back to the beginning Though I'm envious And i pity her, The both of you really There's nothing left between us except Insanity//Infinity Kendrick Style Flow Don't key my car: You'll be callin collect! I got rearview mirrors in the back of my head Don't get up right now, son– Go back to bed I got kids all over, be pulling my leg! Luke, I am your Father! Oh My Oh My God On top of the Watchlist You make money off dope; I made it on craigslist Still be sniffin that coke But now i'm on A list I'm the greatest Ey Miss! I missed too many calls (Airplane Mode) I just started my day (Whole Workload) I might need a buffet (Like Whole Foods) Sashe, Pas De Bourre (That's a code word) No dance floor? Now you're done for My forte Four-to-the-floor Hardcore I drop bass on the encore Front row won't go But i'm already out the front door You don't know I just hopped inside the helicopter, or chopper, chopped broccoli in my cup That's supper; Sleep/ Wake then Surf's up In the morning When i got there (Coastal show, Shower, Then another club Encore Front row lined up I'm already at the front door They want more I'm too sore, for sure Off subject, I dropped in Harder than Paulie On my surfboard (Another code word) This is my world: Another club, Then I'm off for a monday Or somethin' Write another song At the buffet –Tales of a Superstar DJ Amen. Fuck! I didn't even get to watch desperate housewives! Don't fuck with her! She's a trained assassin! GET ON THE GROUND. NO! GET ON THE GROUND– OR I WILL SHOOT YOU! SO? IF I SHOOT YOU, YOU WILL DIE. OK? “OK”? YOU WILL DIE. YEAH, AND? Kind of frustrating hunting down somebody who already has a deathwish. What do you do with someone who has no fear of death. Give them life. I'm telling you, we probably shouldn't be doing this. *shrugs* You split yourselves into two entirely separate individuals at once, just so you could see whose dick is longer? Technically, three entirely separate individuals. THIS ISN'T FAIR. Do you ever think? Sometimes, but it's usually pretty gross. I mean about the implications of these things! You are the implications of these things! I split my soul ONE time into 8 BILLION or so individuals, before this even had happened. WOAH, WHAT HAPPENED. I'm giving you planetary confinement. What. You–can stay here. On this planet. No. It's racist–and primitive. No– And you're black. Please– I'm leaving. –don't– –and i'm taking your portal gun with me. YOU PUT A PORTAL ON MY FACE?! Genius. Incredible. I didn't think it would be a big deal. He has two! Okay, time for work. But i didn't even sl– Coffee. Ouh. … … — I don't think we should be doing this TIA We probably shouldn't. TAMERA We very much shouldn't. What are you guys doing. Nothing. SHh. Summoning the devil. It's not the devil. It might be. Hush. Is that a pentagram. Technically it's a star, with a circle around it. That's a pentagram. It's not a pentagram! Is that a ouiji board? NO. Yes. Let me see. Ugh! I wanna help. MEANWHILE. MORGAN FREEMAN enters an empty train car: Oh God, This. Yes it is! What!? Are you dead! Entirely empty, that is–besides SUPACREE. No, you are! Great, so you're dead! I'm–not dead. Is Bob Saget with you? I'm not DEAD. What about Fraiser? What? Kelsey Grammer! God rest his soul. SEE! I'm not dead– [beat, an eerie shadowy silence in the dimly lit traincar] I'm a Legend. What. I wrote that/ You wrote that. What. Ugh. Look. Morgan Freeman. [Morgan Freeman] I–am–like a paranoid schizophrenic, or something– So, who isn't?! It might be catatonic, I don't know–I got this whole dead-hand–thing–going on. What is that? I don't know. It might just be too much deadmau5. I don't understand. No, Morgan Freeman. I don't understand. Anything about this life. Or this world. The fourth dimension. I definitely don't know anything about that. You're in it. Whatever. Look. [Morgan Freeman] God, you have so many freckles. [Morgan Freeman] Look. I got problems. We all do! Nah, not like–Hollywood problems, I'm like, a real psycho and shit. Sounds like Hollywood. Everything sounds like Hollywood–because nothing is real anymore–everything is for the gram, the points don't matter–nothing actyally matters. At all. Oh? Oh. The train comes to a sudden halt, the lights dim theatrically. Not even this? [pause] He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golden pinata; You know who gave it to me? …Who? Got ya. He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golde pinata ; Fuck dude, i'm too tired to write this. But you kind of have to. I mean i don't have to. YOU HAVE TO. I–WHAT? YOU HAVE TO DO IT. WHY. BECAUSE OTHERWISE I DON'T EVEN EXIST; Then don't exist… I'M JUST A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN YOUR SHOW. Come on Drew, knock it off. Wait, is this Drew Carey, or Barrymore. Either or. That's why I didn't write the characters name. Well, which is it? It literally doesn't matter. Yes it does. Honestly?! It could be both! We just shoot it with both and keep whichever one we like better! But how do we know which is actually “better?” Just do it and mix it–cut it up together or something–I don't know! Cut takes! Cut Takes! Ooh, did someone say CUPCAKES. Don't mind if i DO. Well, I do! Why?! What's wrong?! Yeah! What's the big deal! I'm on a gluten free-thing Oh yeah? Keto. Or someshit. I don't know. Oh. Oh. So you don't want these No, I don't. And you wouldn't mind if I– Come on, man. So Good. Grow up. Hey man, i'm pushin 40. Well, I pushed 40–and it pushed back. Get your cupcakes out of my face. You're no fun. Hey! Aren't you that one guy from rick and morty. Formerly. Oh yeah! That's right! You were Rick AND Morty. Hence the name. Wow. Phewf. I heard about that. Yeah, me too. Sounds real bad, how that turned out. Such a shame. Speaking of shame– You're speaking, I'm snacking. That's not that clever. We'll work on it The point is, he's eating the cupcakes. That's not–wait a minute–hold on. What now? How are we ever gonna get these three guys in a room together. [Meanwhile, in another dimension–these three are tied up (read: bound and gagged) in a room together. –Let alone to agree to this!? SUPACREE removes the gag from the man's [JOSH PECK'S] mouth. I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS. That's what she said! Hey! That's not fair! I was never caught up in a scandal! The key word, I believe, is “never caught” That's two words! SHUTTHEFUCKUP. How many words is that? I WANT MY LAWYER!!!! For what? This isn't court. Wouldn't you want the police first? WELL THEN, I WANT THE POLICE. The Police are here. Wait, they are? Oh, thank God Not so fast. THE POLICE enter with full entourage. Introducing: The Police–playing their number one greatest smash hit! Groupies: Woooo! STING I hope you ladies bought the meet-and-greet package, if you know what I mean. *winks awkwardly* You know what I mean. Oh my God. Since you dudes love doing creepy dude shit, I brought some more notoriously creepy dudes to sing the literally creepiest song ever written about being a creepy dude. That's not fair. But it's funny. THE POLICE Begin to play ‘I'll be Watching You” –and they're gonna play it on loop until I get back with your other-dimensional selves so we can fix all this. “WE” “FIX ALL THIS” WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Nobody seems to know. “--I'll be watching you–” I was FRAMED. CUT TO a golden pocket watch, a wrist watch, a compass–it changes and morphs so quickly that it begins to seem to spin time itself into a whirlwind, until finally a portal opens up from within his hand–a portal which quickly devours him entirely, morphing him into Fuck, what the fuck happened after that Idk I got off the train I guess This is really terribly written INT. SAM ASH MANHATTAN. DAY. A tiny conga for 90 dollars I could die in here Maybe I am just like you I find my way to the prettiest thing in the room And have my way with it Just for a few minutes Consume it, then move on Saw Madison dancing badly on Madison Avenue It's okay, You're a white girl So everybody loves you Everybody loves you Everybody loves you, no matter what you do. As for me, I can't say when I'm going through But you couldn't do it, Madison That's as bad as being at a standstill at rush out in Manhattan With enough practice I could buy everything in Sam ash And make my own band with it That's the plan at least— But

america god love jesus christ music new york amazon health new york city trust father hollywood earth man house rock los angeles work moving hell mexico training young speaking canadian games building dj creator writing wild balance fitness devil focus coffee holy festival dad satan write forever mom open drop kanye west funny police plan tales utah greek dead record bbc alive grammy fame mayors heroes code humans wake dark beyonce rain stuck standing matrix sick straight hits switch happy birthday consequences member math cat adolf hitler broke finish letting go humble billion incredible vegan gurus falling in love blame wear genius honestly hole distractions throw ab orange gotta lol curiosity complex hungry fuck proud karma soft tempo lying congratulations weak amen wtf balls bronx anxious loud logic providence david bowie heartbreak harder hanging bitch excuse membership counting yellow similar gross apology psa awkward ir doc shut siri signal nuts grammy awards copyright shazam shenanigans beverly hills pages won get out bach keto nah wonderland cosmos ludwig van beethoven whole foods shower forgot hades dudes illuminati ka pay attention spur progression signature sd thousand backwards encore rick and morty aha fucking voodoo mm nsa sir soleil morgan freeman jimmy fallon lay technically autopilot bury annihilation reached petite hugs devastating hush nevermind ur consume equinox jk coastal kisses absurd acoustic tie handle handed lovin family guy la croix montages irony hm duh nothin michael j fox diplo framed amit subscriptions sweeping idk only god nda jinx im m tits cupcakes skrillex obsidian edc brownies covert keisha hahaha beeps augmented oh god mmm benz ew oh my god aw copycat tantric opposites careless shhh sentimental dammit vinegar tit deadmau5 midtown in the heights kaskade good one marty mcfly lemme raves summoning metadata gazing fuckin horus sunni thx insatiable ahem edx pasquale collateral damage lmfao mistrust moog moo whole foods market kelsey grammer stop it carved dillon francis gawd jesus no motherfuckers drew carey shitting hah cyanide awww aww 1d ext uhhh eucalyptus shh god is real josh peck fangirls barrymore fka uhh serato he said end credits captain crunch gimmie windex fraiser commercial break lin manuel control room hard reset buti uhm minnie riperton god yes fuck it ahah arrr oreo cookies god not jesus look icee watching you god right tox what the fuck cdjs i hate you lost lands probably not polars wht get fucked it hurts rekordbox carless bothersome minnie ripperton ouh shredded wheat lookie dog blood let me out waht ahaha hve curving i am ready lampshades honey smacks you will die vip vip dj world by chance this is my house oh come on who did this you're dead to me phewf wheeeeeee

[In The Wild].]

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 3, 2023 70:10

taking a break to try to stop the coughing. idk sux ppl can just be controlled like that. doing my best to be my best ^.^ gotta smile thru tha gross hacking coughing demon ppl everywhere lol (not cool) :( oh - also go listen to Dillon Francis's new album 'This MixtapE is Fire Too' cuz it is fire (except 2 songs i had to skip) plz don't hurt otherscover your mouthn don't be evil demon ppl thx for listening. peace. -b. [so far in the pregame:] For fear of fire; Best not to wander off, With no back track– Might have forgotten the rest, but It wasn't a poem, or part of a song At least, not yet Fuck man. I really want to sample this. Can't sample deadmau5; he's a bitch about paperwork. You cant technically say that. I mean, I technically didnd't. Just let your fingers do the talking. Ooh, look at that one. What are you doing. Some online shopping. For what. A man-thing. You're better off letting your back end Handle the conversation Then again, When in search of a venue Anything with the proper connections And stereo systems Will do in the moment. What do you want? To get rid of my hiccups. That's it: *huccups* yu-p. Wow, that's– Have you ever thought about just– I've thought about just about everything–that's how you got here. I'm gonna go ahead and admit–there's too much going on in my head. It's a lot. I'm gonna need a nap. GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME. *sheath/ swoard* Is that the sword of skrillex. Yeus. Give it to me. *stabs in thigh* Oooh. Not the balls! fair. Around the world we go Around we go again Here we are Oh no, It's the same song Over and over I'd like you to love to today (I'd love to forget for a moment I haven't) I know before long, we get older and older All wrong, It's the same one, Over and over. Have you seen my butt plugs? NO! GROSS. It's alright. I'll just pick some up on the way. AGGH. Better yet, can you just put in the order on amazon AmAZoN. Yes. (I'm so happy Amazon has anal plugs.) Please stop now. You're being a baby about this–just- You know what. Nevermind. I'll do it myself. Please do that. Siri– Oh my God. Alexa–reorder from Amazon. Come on focus. …hmm…now what was I doing? A B L E T O N *spinning rainbow wheel of doom* …seems like it was something. Come on….FOCUS. Hm. When's the last time you had a marshmello. Flashback: [BONFIRE: Burning The Skrillex] *Also making smores* CUT BACK TO: Like never, I'm vegan. PASQUALE WAKE. UP. Holy shit. It's you again. It's always me. Last time you were like 26. Well, now i'm this age. Wait, how old are you. Wouldn't you like to know. There's a lot of things i'd like to know about you, Pasquale, that's not even near the top of the list. Speaking of “top of the list”-- I do have a lot of things to do today. Oh yeah, what's that? I don't know. A bunch of crap. Speaking of crap– This is a lot of speaking. Happy Birthday. What is this. It's Captain Crunch. Yes it is. What is it doing in my lap. That's your lunch. I–no, it isn't. It is. No, i'm vegan. Well, that's the “happy” part in “happy birthday” No… Yes, actually. This is – It is– Vegan. Damn. Jinx. You owe me a Pererier. Shut up. Or a LaCroix. I'll taka a LaCroix. You're so LA. I guess that makes you Beverly Hills– Or Pacific Palisades. Is that Annexed. It is “LA” What else is in this? No animal product… “Yellow 6” It reads! What happened to yellow 1-5? A whole story. Yes, but not a whole food. “Yellow 6?!” That's the chemical complex you need to find yourself in the right dimension. Exactly. What's wrong with this dimension? What isn't? I'm in it! You're in it! Like I said. What– Just eat it. Ugh– happy trails. *disappears* Ugh. I gave that dude too much money. Fuck, what was I doing again. Deadmau5. Uhm, no i was– Deadmau5. Deadmau5. OOOOOH> YES. I KNOW IT'S YOU, YOU SLIMY MOTHERFUCKER. Stop it. YOU STOP IT. I KNOW IT'S YOU. Who is it? STOP IT. Stop–doing that. I know you're deadmau5. I most certainly am not. I know its you. I have boobs. How did you do this. I did–n't. That's right. Fuck, what happened. Nothin. Now I gotta kill my stupid brother. You have a brother?! SKRILLEX. GET IN HERE. Fuck, run. I gotta go. Go where. Uhm. Somewhere else. DILLON, THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE. IT WAS NEVER FUNNY. (It was funny to me.) God does have a sense of humor. AHAH–AHAHA–HAHAHA. As it turns out, not the absolute best sense of humor. Oh—he's okay! He's okay! No, he's dead. He's definitely dead. But a sense of humor, nonetheless. Fuck man. What did you do to Dillon Francis. Nothing. I just got him drunk On what?! Cyanide? Okay, I don't even know what that is. He's a corpse. –but a pretty one. C'mon. Be serious. I can't. Why not. It's hilarious, kinda. This isn't funny. No, it's hilarious. He earned it. He “earned” it? Well, yes– He is dead. I mean, it's a long story; but he brought it upon himself, honestly. “Honestly” Please. PLease. Please. No, I said. PLEASE. I SAID NO. What's this story. That's ten. I win. Fuck. DILLOn WAkE UP. *smacks* ahah. I think it's working I think he's waking up. He's not waking up. He must be. He's laughing. He's not laughing He said “haha' *smacks* haha . See. *smacks* Mm. This shit smacks HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKSSSS. Oh shit, is this the 90s. HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKSSS. *slams* GIMMIE MY HONEY SMACKS. That's it. There's no more. AW, COME ON. Sorry, that's all there is. WHAT. But yu can have captain crunch. I DON'T WANT CAPTAIN CRUNCH. I WANT HONEY SMACKS. I'm sorry, there are no more Honey Smacks. You can have Captain Crunch, or Shredded Wheat. GRAMPA Shredded Wheat is MY favorite. Ugh. Mm. Honey Smacks. I HATE YOU. Be nice to your brother. Lol. Everything about Dillon's eyes makes him devastating. Who plays tiny Dillon? I don't know. There are like nine in the script. It shouldn't be hard to cast. We'll go to utah. Fucking. I hate Utah. WELCOME TO UTAH. Nice. Alright, well, what other grounds are there to cover, here? DILLOn FRANCIS I am not doing this project. Of course you are–it's in your contract. What contract. The one you signed. Which–no–I didn't. But you did. SUNNI BLU I got you a drink. DILLON FRANCIS That looks fruity. SUNNI BLU Try it. DILLON FRANCIS *sips* DILLON FRANCIS CONT'D What's in this. Just– drink it. SUNNI BLU Don't look at me like that. DILLOn FRANCIS Like what. SUNNI BLU Do you need a mirror? DILLON FRANCIS I– SUNNI BLU Look down. DILLON FRANCIS *does* SUNNI BLU *flicking nose* Made you look. haha . DILLOn FRANCIS Wow. [takes drink] SUNNI BLUThat's the spirit. But literally there's a mirror between your feet, if you need one. [there literally is] SUNNI BLU CONT'D The floor is made of mirrors DILLOn FRANCIS *suddenly inebriated* Oh wow. SUNNI BLU The whole club turns into a disco ball. DILLON FRANCIS *suddenly very inebriated* That's–convenient. SUNNI BLU It is. SHIA DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS. If my dreams were not just dreams, everyone in here would have a lawsuit against me. A lot of us do. Carry on, then. SKRILLEX BLAIGH. Oh shit, its you again. I swear to God, I thought I killed this nigga. Are you sure it was him? SKRILLEX !!!! No. Alright, i've almost got it. Almost got what. This whole– thing. Oh. –and–it's gone. Really, that quick. I don't think you understand what's happening. You're right, i don't understand what's happening at all. Oh shit. I'm deadmau5. Nice. Fuck it, lets do some trolling. Alright alright. BUT FIRST, COFFEE. Fuck dude, I don't think I should have anymore coffee. Too late. deadmau5. ok . Deadmau5. Nice. D–0 DOn'T D o THis, I'M WARNING YOU. …. If you open that portal, there's no going back. *opens portal* Now you've done it. *goes into portal* Fuck. *portal closes neatly* *facepalm* *entire series of cosmos collapse in the great distance–time begins to stretch and bend uncontrollably* Come on, just let me lick the balls. NO. I'll give you a cookie. well … OH my GAWD. What. Come here, you have to see this. What the fuck is that. I don't know. Should i pick it up? No, don't touch it! He picked it up. Oh, gross. What is this. I don't know. I think it's fanfiction. Who wrote it. Idk. somefangirl. Fangurl. FaNGiRls. Well, Hey, at least i'm not a groupie. OH COME ON, JUST LET ME SUCK IT. GET AWAY FROM ME. PLEASE. i'LL GIVE YOU $40. -well. NOW, A COMMERCIAL BREAK. Since when does this show have commercials. It doesn't. I want to talk to Jimmy Fallon. That's–not happening. Why not. JIMMY FALLON BECAUSE I HAVE A CONTRACT WITH NBC. There he is– Nice. JIMMY FALLON YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I AM A FAMILY MAN, OKAY. Is that like Family Guy? By Chance?! SETH MCFARLENE (with super long hair) *crossing fingers* I'm hoping so. JIMMY FALLON Not even close! SETH MCFARLENE *snaps* Dammit. Oh, I get it. It's like–The Cofffee run Which “coffee run” THE coffee run. We'll have to admit, it's probably the most watched coffee run of all time. Of all of them. You know what? Fuck it, fire me. I'm doing this show. What?! JImmy. Why on EARTH would you ever agree to something like this. JIMMY FALLON THE COSMIC AVENGER Because–it's my duty. Yo. You know that song that everybody knows? You know the song because everybody knows this song. It goes: Lovin you– is easy cause youre beautiful. do - do- do - do- do- do- do… Yeah. You know that song. But you probably don't know who sings it. I'll tell you who sings it. That song is by an artist called Minnie Ripperton. That's a mouthful. Yeah, one hell of a name, huh. Well, that's the lady who sings the song. It's Minnie Riperton. Now, let me tell you something else you probably don't know: Something I probably wouldn't know if I wasn't a DJ But i know this, because I'm a DJ AND MAYA RUDOLPH WAUT A MINUTE. What the fuck, Maya Rudoph, are you doing in my bathroom at 5 AM It's 1:15 in the afternoon. I'm a DJ. It's 5 AM. That's making sense. I know it is. What's not making sense. Is why you're in my bathroom drinking a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. So it is. *slurps milkshake* *sitting on toilet* *slurps* What do you want. You want to know what I want? Apparently, a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. OK. OK. OK so what. Finish the script. –What? Fuck dude, how does this song sound good every time? Congratulations, you've gone entirely insane. beep-boop . [DJ] B00p beep. [Music Producer] Beep-beep. 0.c. Do not fall dangerously in love; Do not pass go Do not collect $200 Or any of it For any reason, For any of it For any of them Just keep it pushin; Just keep it private Just hold it all in and Do not let go Do not fall in love Do not pass go Do not unload Do not walk Do not cross here Do not It smells like butter. But you're vegan. I know. Do you think you're having a stroke. God, I fucking hope so. GOD You WHAT. I want to die. GOD I thought i heart you right. You heard me right–a THOUSAND times. I want to die. Take me out of this life. GOD Not until you make dubstep. WHAT. GOD You gotta make a grammy-winning dubstep album. I what. GOD Or at least nominated. No, I don't. GOD Beg your pardon. I'm not begging. GOD What are you getting at, hon? Look; Am I not one with the source? GOD Uhm–you are. Alright, Then: everything is everything. GOD Yes. And everyone is everyone. GOD This is true. So i'm Skrillex. GOD Skrillex is Skrillex So I Am. GOD … And I already won a grammy. GOD … Like a bunch of them, right. GOD Uh. So technically– GOD YOu know what. I can't argue with that logic. This isn't ableton. No. This is Logic. What the fuck. That's not Serato. No, that's Rekordbox. What the fuck is this. These are CDJs. There's no hot cues! What the fuck is a “HOT CUE” This is not food. What the fucking sauce. I'm warning you, Pasquale. Get off my lawn. THIS IS MY HOUSE. Your house it is not. *House music starts blasting* *lasers* sprinklers* dancers* WHAT THE FUCK. It's voice activated, I just– How did you do this?! What. WHAT DID YOu DO. AND WHEN. I don't know! I just took the delorean, like you said. You were supposed to find Dillon Francis. I did! The problem was, when I found the right one, he was dead! What? He's dead? Presumably! What do you mean by that!? It's a long story! WELL, HOW LONG? SUNNI BLU About as long as my dick! WHO IS THAT. I told you it's a long story. Well, let me in! Sorry Pasquale. No Can do. What. Why not. Cause you're on a federal watch list. What. Yeah. Sorry. Wait… You should probably leave before the feds get here. What? Unless you want to stay and party on the lawn but–not recommended. This is bizarre. The police arrive, surrounding Pasquale on the yard–moving in to arrest him. WAIT. SUPACREE turns away from the window; inside, a room full of her aliases sit looking somewhat miserably; SUPACREE!!! [Pasquale is handcuffed and i dragged off of the lawn] SUPACREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Careless, Acoustic–deadmau5 SUPACREE pours a bowl of captain crunch, taking one colossal bite and sits down in THE CONTROL ROOM at a large computer console; inhaling from a can of nitrous oxide. I'm the worst DJ ever. SUPACREE places the fames deadmau5 helmet atop her head and begins working at the computer promptly, clicking away; Now is deadmau5 I don't even know what key this song is in. MEOWINGTONS, Alive and well purrs and stretches, then settles atop SUPACREE/deadmau5's lap. This is insane. I don't know what's happening. END CREDITS. V. O. Lovin' You, Minnie Ripperton Carless, deadmau5 idk how i'm gonna mix that. Trust me. Anything can be mixed. Anything. [When it] Turns out, The bottom of your heart Was the tip of the Ice Berg And the whole ship has [s]unk[en], [&] I[t]'s probably ice cold At the bottom of the ocean; I'll tell you where i'm from Why, I'll tell you anything for About one dollar Turns out, I've already got one eye on you; One eye'd sad heart I should probably roll out my art on you [I probably should not] One man bought a kiss, Another, a whole night from her– One man bought a whole farm The other, a Whole Foods Market –and you can't even franchise those Amazon's got a monopoly We were playing for corners of earth, All i got was some kandi, Subscriptions to candidly, Actually, I really liked the tree trial (I think i'll wait a week, sorry) When it turns out The world that you wanted Was actually hours already The dollar you got Was also borrowed And the money they wanted and got Was just actually stolen from someone else They bought all the food up And sold it for profits I promise this avocado Once costs nothing at all But you wanted that car for your daughter She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it My mom, on my honor Of all the garages in Lost Lands, I promise the owner of it was The first to go last, And the last to come home Now he's on his own alter And also the worshiper; How do you go back? Oh, you don't Oh you don't Oh, you don't wanna know that But i was of course, All of your rock bottoms It's bottoms and tops, and We don't let the top fall over, We're counting up crumbs And this muffin costs $24 dollars Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks For the dead homies Not dead in the general sense But just in the head, the heart, And the soul The homeless are happier at McDonalds Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere I'll avoid the power struggle at operations for about 18 dollars and 56 sense (Please, keep the pennies) I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's Something indecent, or decadent Whichever it is Cause i'm better of with the memory of it Than actually dragging it in. –I'm a cat again. Ouch. Shut up. It HURTS. Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics. YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid. Yes, but lucily for you– –or, for him– Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid. –Ouch– –Shut up. That we know of. George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* Lookie here boys: What is it? –I'm leaving. Oh, you're gonna wanna hear this. What. I found the first “whites only” water fountain since 1962. Okay, what do you want? A deal. Oh, I'll give you a deal. Cash up front. [He presents a one dollar bill] Is this enough. [beat] Where are you going with this? Nowhere, fast. YO. What now, dude. SHE'S ONTO US. I doubt that. Look at this. I highly doubt– *gaaassp* Shenanigans! You know what I like about you, Ariana? Everything. Hah. Hm. You know how to keep a secret. I don't know what you're talking about. Exactly. *rolls eyes, flips hair.* Well, here's another one for you. –Another what? This is how my darkness becomes your darkness. I already have enough on my own. I know. You don't know. Only God knows. MOM! Don't ask me again. This is heavy, Doc. What is it? The soup! It's too heavy. Too much cream? Way too much! I have a meeting! Meeting with who? The Hollywood People. When? Soon–what time is it? I don't know. Dammit! Why don't you have any clocks in your house? I only just recently remembered what a clock was. Oh! Here. [God produces a small pocket watch and presents it to him; it's nearly noon on EARTH; But the two are sharing a meal of course in the famed kitchen of the Creator in the TImeless VOID.] Ah, Jesus Christ! He's not here… I'm gonna be late. Now, now; You know I wouldn't let that happen– [a smug look| Hugs and Kisses. [As they embrace, he disappears into a mist of light and stardust, fading away from the void and into the exterior world; he realizes God has slipped him the watch; he flips it open to reveal the time: it is now 11:44] Amazing. V.O. Now you won't wait so long to visit. [He places the wach in his pocket and walks into the studio] MICHAEL J. FOX has been asked to reprise his role as MARTY MCFLY many times before; But never for a project like this. ____ Meanwhile, What am I going to do with you? [The Festival Project.™] YOU'RE DEAD TO ME! –I'm dead to everyone! Don't do this. You wanted to come to the other side. No, I didn't. We'll you're here anyway; Might as well stay awhile. With eyes like burning fire And saddles for the riders The horse begins to gallop (or the horses, rather) On the mark to beating drums To move them forward faster What the fuck is this. idk. Kx5. *-* !_! Here u go Wat is this. it's a dragon. Oh, thats nice. Ya. Whats it do. Idk. dragon things. ok. Don't put it in ur bathroom. Why. idrk. Hm. † Hey. Ugh–No, Kaskade, go away. It's me, Ryan! No, Get out! I'm No† Ka–k (gags) –skade! Gross! It's just Ryan! I promise! NO. GET OUT. Lmfao. Right. This show is fantastic. Who was that. Fucking–Kaskade again! Are you sure. Ugh. Looks like Ryan. Kaskade is Kaskade. {shrugs] Dudes a creep. “Kaskade Ruins Lives” Is this the same episode as before? Eventually, yes. Wasn't I doing something Are you goona let this go? Um. Well I'm fucked. Why, what happened. Obsidian. That should do Unsobsidian. Okay, i'm fucked, Well, what's this? An Oreo Cookie. I mean, sitting next to it. Oh, its a portal gun. Raves are not just raves– A party is not simply a “party” –These big festivals –they're diversions. –DIstractions. Distractions from what. If you were supposed to know, –you'd know. it wouldn't be so important that you go. Why is it? These ancient rituals… It's occult magic. They've got it down to a science. The government funds this. The government funds everything. WoooooooW. It's not really a secret, if you can google it. ‘-complications.' I'm lost somewhere, gone HIppopatamus feeling quite off in the galaxies, galavanting Gazing at Daisies Aces and spades Gone from Heaven to Hades for days On the A– Adjacent Recently dismantling adjectives, Lampshades and matching curtains God it hurts, every day that I think about you; But how can i be about you when You don't even see me, do you Signature consignments, Wrong environments and irony is, I wasn't invited– –but invented it WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Great, now I have to explain myself. You don't have to. What's this space for? Oh, that's the red room. [The Red Room] Well, obviously, but– But what? What's it for? I don't think anybody should read this. HEY. Participation Only– Oh! No peeking! You ever feel like you're doing too much? Yeah, but not for money. Look, we have them surrounded. Our best course of action is to– deadmau5 . What? No– DEADMAU5. Well, are you sure it was a mouse and not a rat? It was a mouse. I know the difference. Do you, though? Look, I've lived in Mexico and New York City. So. In Queens. Oh. That's mathematically impossible. I mean it's not–impossible. No, it's not just impossible. It's mathematically impossible. Has it ever occurred to you that the DJ World in entirety exists outside of the realm of math and science? What is this. Just–enjoy the rave. No. What is this. Look at the firewoooorkkks! Woo EDC… NO. What is this right here. BEFORE: Hey, you still got that balloon? Yeah. Lemme see it. Dude, what are you doing? …I'mma go catch me a DJ. THIS IS NUTS. I can't feel my face. What do you call this? Collateral Damage. Look, I'm going to have to take frequent trips to the bathroom. ok . And–uhh– and. Uhh– Why did you call me over here. Cause i can. Look. this is not magic. This is not science. This is not “voodoo” Voodoo is magic. It's just music. W H E R E D I D H E G O O O O O I don't know. Fuck dude, I fucked up. Once again– Of course you did. What did you do this time? I might have evaporated someone with my fat fucking bass. Nice. Way to go. Yeah. Wait. … Did you just say. HE JUST He deserted me. SO WAIT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HERE? ALRIGHT, WHO THREW A ROCKSTAR IN MY TENT? JEFF Alright, lets go. WHO DID THIS. So what's this place. Lets not let this conversation resurface. This is a 21 Plus Event. What about VIP VIP is 25 Plus. What about that place. Sorry kids. [NO ENTRY] We gotta get in there. So then they wanted an Encore. Did you give them an encore? NO, i was already at my hotel room. Then how did you know that they wanted an encore? WHICH IS IT, THE WYNN, OR THE ENCORE. FUCK, I DON'T REMEMBER. Please, who stays at the Encore for EDC? Have you literally never been out with rich people? No, I literally just got rich. Oh, nice. So, wait, like– Here we go. Dillon Francis has just always been rich? Uh-huh. And Skrillex has always been rich? Yes. Definitely. And deadmau5. deadmau5 is Canadian. OH MY GOD. W E L C O M E I'm going to need your absolute discretion about this. Alright. Sign this waiver. …this is a…pretty heavy packet. I'll wait. I've never signed an NDA like that in my life. Lil' biiiiiiiiiiiiiitzzzz Can we just admit it's weird that we live in an era where “NDA” is household jargon. And like, everyone knows what it means. Everyone knows what an NDA is. I appreciate the sentiments Isn't it weird how it sets in automatically? Autopilot, go. Aww, i don't want to be Autopilot. You're on autopilot. I don't really have to think about it anymore, I'll have to sleep on it Wear a white t-shift, Hear the applause of the audience, Eat it You wanna know what I think? You want to know what I'm drinking? You know what I need? An Icee, (cause I see you typing) An awful Omnipotence A God of Mirages No more carbohydrates, I gotta get all thin; Forgot to acknowledge Whether or not i'm turning this off soon I are. I…”are” I are. Infinite Reality. OH. I. R. IR! IR! IRV I ARE. Suddenly, I remember the taste of talcum powder As If I were Moving backwards In time, Like, Why, God on earth would My mom let me try that, But if i'm honest, Fuck man, I hate deadmau5– There's just too much in here. Beep boop. I love deadmau5. It's so simple. What is this, MATH?! THIS IS AERODYNAMICS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE AERO DYNAMICS DId you mean what you said about that? I meant everything I said. Goddammit, fuck this, I was in the middle of a really complex poem In realtime, listening to deadmau5 Having a partially out of body spiritual experience, Entirely fucking sober FACEPALM BLŪ 8facepalming dramatically in frustration* NOBODY IS EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN ANY OF THIS. beepboop. YO. Oh, I forgot my open form poetry, or my mom How my mom once allowed me to gnaw on talcum powder But who can blame her That was a hard one It was a past life And now ive Got Another One HOly shit what version of the cube is this. 1D. What. You'll get it. Wait. Have you ever stopped for a minute to think– I can't stop for a minute, especially just to “think” [Literally stops for a minute to think.] No fucking way, uh-uh. Come on, man. No. I ain't time travelin' wit deadmau5. Come on– NO. –that someone else has already figured all of this out and that's how any of it is possible in the first place. Alright, i'm gonna need some mind-altering drugs for this. What are you doing. Voluntary Ego Death. I– Wait. Why would you. Get out of my brain. I am your brain. Take care, now. Holy shit, it seems like she's getting more evil. That's because she's definitely more evil ALRIGHT, I'M TIRED OF THIS: WHERE IN THE FUCK IS SKRILLEX. MEANWHILE INT. IN THE FUCK. DAY. *rings doorbell* AT YOUR MOM'S HOUSE. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME. I'm not joking, that's…literally the answer to your question. Oh. Fuck. What dude. We gotta go back. I left the keys in the pocket of the guy I shapeshifted into. Are you serious? It's fine, he can't have gone too far, dude. What do you mean he “left the dimension” He entered a portal. He– wait, excuse me. A portal. A “portal”, dude? Yeah; a portal. What do you mean “a portal” A portal, like— you know, like a portal gun, but not a portal gun, just a portal. Uh huh. Excuse us for a second. What the fuck is this dude talking about? I don't know, man. Humans don't use portals! I know man. What the fuck! Well, wait—how do we know that guy is human. He looks human. Yeah dude but, we look human. Duh! Cause we shifted! Yeah, but, how do we know he's not a shifter. Because, dude, I know a shifter when I see one. Yeah, but—you know, what if he's really good. I highly doubt that. Why? Cause I'm the best. No, I am. Exactly, so we'd know if it was another shifter–cause we're the best shifters! Well, let's at least try to see if he knows anything else about those guys. They were together right? I hope not. No, not like that—like Okay, okay, whatever, let's just… Wait, where'd he go? Excuse me. What up. There was just another guy over here just now— He was like—you know—normal looking guy Tie die* shirt Yeah. Did you see him. Yeah, I saw him. Alright, cool, where'd he go? He left. What?! That was fast! Yeah, well…it happens. Are you sure? Yes. *actually is shifter* [as they walk away, the shifter shifts, and then vanishes into a random portal.] Awww, dammit, Now we're never gonna find this guy. Never say never. Whatever, we're dead. We're always dead. Yeah, but like in modern human slang terms Oh, yeah, that. Anyways, I gotta relieve this human's bladder. I fucking hate this species for this. It is useless. *enters portal potty* [ Wait, whatever actually did happen to Dillon Francis? That's great, I was just getting to that. 19 Pages. Nice. …no, 12. What. [11:12] Okay, I'm gonna kill him. Oh, I banished him. With my fists. Nice. Tits. Nice tits. Thx. Hey man. Hey what. Remember that smudge on the lens. Yeah. It just got bigger. … did you try vinegar instead of Windex. Yes. –IT'S NOT A SMUDGE. Did you try Windex with Vinegar. –IT'S NOT A– Shut up. I'm. So. Hungry. Look, do you want this, or not? Do you feel like any of this is a coincidence? Just quit, it. Dillon Francis. WHERE IS IT? I don't know. Lets kick this up a notch. ILLUMINATI What do you want? … I want the full package. ILLUMINATI Okay, I'm gonna need specifics. How do you even get a job as a courier for the illuminati? [INDEED.COM | ILLUMINATI - COURIER- URGENTLY HIRING] Hm. It was a pretty specific list. I don't even get the point of a barbeque if everyone is vegan Well, The Mayor eats fish. Oh please, where is THAT guy the Mayor of? I don't know. We meet in the Matrix. This is for you. Oh. Do you like it? I– It's not a brothel! It's Member's Only! YOu BUY a Membership. Yeah. And WOMEN. HEy, MAN, YOU CAN BUY DUDES, TOO. SHHH. Oh no. What. What did you do? I gave her my credit card. The Heavy One? Yes, and– “AND” –access to the black market. Cool, I got it. Oh, another auction. Of course another auction. What'd you buy this time? A lifesize deadmau5 bobblehead. What are you gonna do with that? Wouldn't you like to know. Ok, gross. LIL BIIIIIIIITXXXX I love a good deamau5 show. He really does have the best fans, It's a comfortable, safe space. Very inviting. Everyone is happy. What the fuck, dude, this place is a sausage fest. Yeah, that's deadmau5 for ya. Hey, I'm looking for this shithead. Oh, that dude? Yeah, have you seen him? Fuck, I wish this never happened. LIL BIIIIITz If you don't know who deadmau6* is– GET OUT. Jk. but seriously this is easily the most devastating person i've ever seen. Maybe just to me, but. Are you sure that's the right guy? Yeah, that's gotta be him. Is he wearing glasses? Ugh. Oh wait. Damn. ‘Fuck, it is my sapiosexuality, I think' Even if it was perhaps an error, as I might have more than needed a new pair of glasses myself, just the thought of Joel in a pair of specables was suddenly and immediately the equivalent of Dillon Francis sitting down at a piano, or Sonny doing just about literally anything–and I realized, finally, that the most indecent things about myself were quite possibly only happening inside my own mind– Okay, my body does really weird things to this dude's music. Are you sure this is real? No. I love this. Just shut up and do your job. What a nightmare. PLease HElP ME. Hm. That can't be right. What. This translates to H E L P M E Oh, shit, I gotta go. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm always working. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm at work. Well, that was nice and all, but–I gotta get out of here. Where are you going? To shoot myself. Wow, that's one hell of a smile. Just–take it. I'm sorry, i can't accept this. What is even happening in this series? Like, a lot WOULD YOU KIDS SETTLE DOWN. *not settling down* *lil biiiiiiiitz* You know what I wonder? I wonder this I'm sober. I'm just sober sally over here. I didn't get sober. I just am. Cause i'd rather face the pain of this harsh reality with a bite than to dull it out and then wake up in the morning Or–just–whenever– To wake up whenever and be like “OH NO, THIS IS WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE” And the shock of it is so horrible that I just have to repeat that cycle again. ‘OH NOOOOOO” *gets faded* “It's all goooooood” No, it isn't. But i choose to stay like that cause it's like a It's not even a happy medium, It's more like a median-medium But you know what? It makes happier moments more happy And shitter moments less shitty Because i don't have this like drastic spacial Augmented reality or like smoke screen of emotional apathy. I get to feel things way more intensely. I don't have to wonder, ever “oh , did that just happen, cause I was messed up” Or like “would it have happened this way if I was sober” At all. I'm just level– No false sense of Pretty much anything. But i do wonder, though– Like, for people who weren't always sober, and then GOT sober– like , what's the breaking point What's the tip? I always have to sit back and wonder “What did you DO?” Cause you know it had to be something if suddenly “I don't drink anymore” I always wonder, and it's like– no disrespect or anything thing but… I really wanna hear that story. lol . I know you don't wanna tell it (if you can) But wanna hear it. Cause from my point of view. IT's probably hilarious. I know. I'm a dick. Holy shit. What is that. Looks like pasquale went all out with the fireworks this year. …is that a penis? WELCOME HOME It's a giant dick- in-the-sky! GOD IS REAL! JESUS Look, so i've been having second thoughts about this whole thing. What the fuck man. You gotta stop doing shit like this. JESUS I literally can't. I know, but. Okay, look. I'm not writing any of that. You've gotta tell him. NO, RYAN. WELL, WHY NOT. BECAUSE, RYAN. WHY. DEADMAU5 ISN'T REAL. Damn, am I in here. Nice. Of course I am. Well, how'd that happen. This is like a sea of cellphones. Perfect. It was a red car; I wasn't all there, And if you want her, You can have her Fuck. What. I forgot the rest of the verse. It's ok. We gotta move on. No, I gotta go back. For what. For my fans. Aw. What's this. IT's a ceramic mug. Wow, that's nice. I made it Wait. You made that?! Yeah. With your hands?! Yeah. Why would you do that? For you. What. I made it for you? Like, you thought of me first, then you made it? Yeah. WHY? Cause i love you! WOW. Fans are awesome OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *Sometimes. *vomits* … *dies* … *godlessness* [Devastating DJ Moments] I don't get it dawg, all this shit is in your music particles?! “Music particles” UGH. what . That's it. Don't be smart around me. Uh. I'm not smart? No, that won't work; sarcasm is a sign of deeper intelligence. “Sorry” Stop saying that. This is America. S– Don't say it again. Apology not accepted. Don't look at me like that. Like what. With your face. *face* Quick: Say something stupid and random. …I like anime. Oh good, that worked. Thanks. Where are you going? Idk somewhere else. Really, that's it? Yeah. That's all you have to say/ That's literally it. Are you seeing this. Yes. So what's the problem. Oh no, she's stuck in a loop. Throw the whole fan away. [DELETE] Did it work. Did what work. Oh, good. Cool. Wait. See ya later. Did what work? I wish i could just forget about this. Everything? Yeah. Look, this is between me and God–okay? GOD Don't drag me into this. You dragged ME into this! GOD Right. So i could get OUT; So don't drag me back in. Fuck, I remember this. I must have done something important here. Like what. Look, I love you. Great, now what do we do? Bury the body, I guess. *shrugs* Wait, what happened? Somebody dies. OKay, me first. Other Three: Who wants to go next. *still in shock* Fuck man, told you this was a long ass story. *Crying* I'm ruined. What! You went broke? No, i'm still a filthy rich millionaire. I thought you were a billionaire. I am I just *snifs* sometimes I forget that happened. “Sometimes I forget I'm a billionaire” I got to admit, man, I did it to myself. I'm not mad, or anything, but now there's just–certain things I can't do Oh, like what. Not that song. What, why not? You said “anything but Skrillex” this is not Skrillex, this is deadmau5. What's the difference? Okay, that's like saying “What's the difference between deadmau5' and my music?” No, it isn't. How is that not different? That's like comparing the music of Bach and Beethoven to the music of a tattooed hedgehog. You think I look like a hedgehog. No, it's just when I see you and a hedgehog I have all the same thoughts, turn this off. NO, i like this song. Seriously, Dillon Francis, turn it off. I'm gonna turn it up instead. I do not highly recommend doing that. Or at all. This ship has amazing subs. Should I bass boost this song. NO, PROBABLY NOT. Oh, why not? Dillon Francis, I'm warning you, stop. OH HOW COME BECAUSE WHY? BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A HEDEHOG NO, BECAUSE I ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP AT THIS *DROP* [INSTANTLY FALLS ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL–ACTIVATES HYPERSPACE– PLUMMETS SHIP INTO BLACK – HOLE. ohhhhh . What a hoe. Nice, that's a whole episode. Well, here's a bonus scene or whatever. Shazam, what is this. SHAZAM …i don't know. What do you mean you don't know. SHAZAM *panicing* IDONNO WHAT DO YOU MEAN– SHAZAM IDON. NO. OOOOOOOOOOOO Is this deadmau5. I'm not sure. Sounds like deadmau5. It sure does. This is pretty Ooh. it sparkles. yeah , it's deadmau5. How does she KNOW. I need a deadmau5 machine like right now. I know where to find that. Fuck dude, everything's gonna be half-ass until I push out this album. You can't rush it. Trust the process. I can't focus. Oh shit, wasn't this in the last episode? Yeah. I'm still writing backwards. God, what is that, like a pipe organ. WHAT SYNTH IS THIS. Doesn't matter, I just need one. That's it. I know what I'm going to spend my Jimmy Fallons On. And What's that? V.O. OOh. Are we Montaging–to deadmau5? [MONTAGE: deadmau5] Nice. I love a good montage. I love deadmau45* AHH OH NO. I love deadmau5. I keep making typos and I keep forgetting to delete that parallel where. fuckit. That's the synth I've always wanted. It's on sale for $999 At Sam Ash But…you only have Five JImmy Fallons. There are only five special edition in this Volume The Jimmy Fallon 555's I don't know how many volumes there are, but this is the Volume I started keeping track. Fuck, man. I miss Equinox. It's just Eucalyptus. They also have an outdoor running track where you get the best ever view of midtown manhattan. How do you know it's the best ever view of Midtown manhattan. Because it's on a running track. STOP WHISTLING IN MY WHOOP=WHOOPS. The JImmy Fallon 555s are marked with the standard Jimmy Fallon in black ink With a simple side marker of the number 555 in red And also in red, a telephone number on the back. But–that synthesizer is One Thousand Jimmy Fallons. Yeah. So I only need Nine Hundred Ninety Five More. And of course, the Eye of Providence is highlighted. Also Standard. V.O. I always highlight that. Cause, you know… “Illuminati” These are fake. No they're not! They're counterfeit, sorry. No they're not! They're authentic! Why the fuck does this matter so much? You know. What is it with this dude. If it was a snake, it would've bit ya. It was a snake. And it did bite me. He's so increasingly beautiful to me, And I'm still in love with his friend, or misrepresented masterpiece, Progression of a monster, or procession of a superstar, but Something in the story sparks the thought of All we are is consciousness, of course Awkward in body, but of constellations Cosmos, It's not just a corpse; It's all got love in it, Absurd, and sipping carbonated syrup, but I'm just sitting in my stirrups, Here comes galloping a horse, Of course, it hurts to turn it off For just a moment And remember That i'm just a homeless, Stuck and sitting up at night Writing recourse, hugging learning curves in ableton, Curving curses, been reminded that I'm worthless In a thousand words or less, Or just another form of torture, Nothing said, but all that's done Another day another dollar, But it's not It's Jimmy Fallon. I thought this was enter the multiverse. Are you ready to go. No. A hand on my shoulder So paifully socially awkward, I grow stretchmarks, don't know what to call them But scars, But the uglier ones, I've thought Are invisible, Somewhat– To the naked eye Or just anyone Not tiger stripes But one, an eye of horus Carved above my right And inside my lip, (The bottom one) A raised scar in the shape of a sythe I probably died by the hands of a man named Starr So it's hard to shrug it off, And 555 is just a number But it's not It's another scar, It's a punishment For loving him. What's on the back. It's…a number. What number? A telephone number. What. Like a 1-800 Number Call it. I love deadmau5. Something about a big, giant smiling robotic mouse that lights up and sparkles. Why? I don't know. I'm like 5. I see deadmau5 i'm like “WHEEEEEEE” My hands go up in the air “AHHHHHH! YAYYYYY” I'm so stupid. It's so stupid. But you know what? It makes me feel good. I'm not gonna lie. I love it. And by the time I even figured out what deadmau5 was I was so late to the party that I had to make up for lost time. I listened to deadmau5 doing EvErYThING. Everything you could possibly imagine. Well–Except one. Wait, how long have you been cellibate? Forever, probably. Fuck, what happened in here? I don't know. Everything's broken. My head My heart. Everything. Get up, Dillon Francis. Fuck, what happened. You sent us through a black hole. And we crashed on a random ass planet. Fuck, that sucks. YOu suck, Dillon Francis. Ugh. Now get up. Everything's fucked up. SUPERSTAR DJ I'm a paradox. I've got a box of skeletons in my closet i'm not ready to part with. I had a heart attack; I had a heart once, But lately it goes in my pocket; Or my right hand, When I wake up From a dream land, From a long hug From a nice man In a t-shirt KASKADE This is God's PLAN. RYAN, GET FUCKED. 800-799-7233 Did you call the number. Yeah. What is it. [National Domestic Violence Hotline] Woah. That was a long bonus scene. Well, Now here's a PSA. AND A PSA? YES. A PSA. You know what the fucked up thing about all this is, The Legend of Supacree is a true story. All of it. ALL OF IT?! ALL OF IT!? YES. Even the part about– YES. Especially that part. Woah. Damn. I think i'm gonna be sick. Shut up, Dillon Francis. No, but seriously– This is the story of how I got my heart broken so bad. YOU RUINED IT. So, so bad– I HATE YOU. That i started singing about it. NSA, totally *not spying* …are you hearing this. Yes. ILLUMINATI Check this out. Another one down. And how when you start making music– What is this. it's hoe math. And that music actually comes from a really real place. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. really real shit starts happening. You–killed yourself. well , to be fair–I lost everything first. Congratulations. Thx. Here's a skrillex. WHT. Kbye. Really, really, really. What, the fuck Dillon Francis, crawled inside of you to live and made it'self at home? Idon'tknow. What is in this sauce? Just–kill him. What, i can't just. Just kill him, while nobody is watching. Please don't kill me. Shut up, man. I'm having a thought process. Okay, that's it. FUCK DILLON FRANCIS. That's the spirit. THAT IS THE SPIRIT. IT'S THE HOLY SPIRIT. Who the fuck is this. It's–Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ? Jesus Christ?! JESUS CHRIST i'M BACK, MOTHERFUCKER. Wait, are you claiming that the second coming of the messiah is upon us?! YES. Well,Technically, it's the third. And it's all because of Dillon Francis?! I Please stop this HATE Help YOU. Fuck, dude. I know, huh. What did he DO. The third?! How did we miss that?! Uh, you didn't. [HITLER, being HITLER] (he was mad) Okay, that's it. You can't write any of this. Uh, I can. I just did. Technically, I'm dead: this is just a voiceover It's an 80's style PSA You can't say Hitler was the messiah. That's offensive. Everything is offensive. FUCK YOU DILLON. I'msosorry NOTYETYOU'RENOT. Wait, whatever happened to Skrillex. SKRILLEX is waiting outside of the alleged home of SUPACREE's “distant relatives” Lol is he for real at her mom's house. well , to be fair, he's like–looked everywhere else. Ur right. That was a lot of dimensions. So. like. Fuck, i didn't even have that much coffee. It just goes on forever. [DILLON FRANCIS STILL HAS HOTSAUCE IN HIS PUDGY LITTLE EYES] Good. Cause if I see the pupils, i'm wasting him. You think you can do better than this. Better than this? Yes. Yes. Then do it. Alright, is the PSA over? No, not yet. I gotta say one more thing. What is it? Would you ever have done it, Or would you ever be honest If you had, Handed her a lesson, Or a stretch of the past From the present moment, My heart, and my mind And my lover I present you this honor From now on to nowhere I no longer… Want to be near you Or to know you Or to hear you Or to fear you No longer… Want to feel you Or to touch you Or to have you Or to hold you Or to love you No longer, I no longer want you Devastating, A song stuck in my head for a whole world I wonder how long it would take to go back there A room full of actors, A manager, Never a backpack to wear Just a handful of hats, One director, Eventually producer Just now a showrunner Look at how long that took. I had to wonder what auroras in the north thought of someone like Sonny. They showed me. Now I can love you no longer So much for getting acquainted Funny what age equates to in ageless An infinite wisdom, I dismissed him, Nor, would I believe that he ever would hit her, but Some might belong in such a category Though i carry the marks and the scars Of what my once- husband did to me –but no longer. I haven't a heart in the world left But a broken one, made of amethyst. Fuck off, Dillon Francis. A calculated attack on my psyche. I like it a lot, But i'm fonder of sodom. WHAT. Are you saying you woul actually participate in an orgy! Oh GOD no! Oh, Good, cause– But i'd host one. WHAT. The hedonists are a fun bunch. Oh my God. Though, Nowadays, of course, I haven't the slightest idea what to call them. I saw the future. Well, obviously, if you've headlined EDC you've seen the future. I remember all of it. That must be awful. Why don't you remember it? Because i don't want to. Not at all. I did once. Then what happened? I hated it so much, i forgot. You forgot on purpose. I had to. Love, or Music. …Music. Love, or Fame. Fame. Okay, ouch. Love, or Music? …Love. Okay. Love, or Fame. Love. Okay. Love, or music? … Isn't that the same thing? Hm. Love, or Fame? ….Why do you keep asking me the same question. I beg your pardon? Why beg? I mean– What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, first you asked me, If would rather have Love or Music. Love. Music. Yes. In my mind, those are synonyms. Neither can really exist without the other. Okay, and Fame. Love and Fame are also synonyms– How so? Ugh, I just made this difficult on myself. It was always difficult. It really wasn't. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U. WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Yo My horizontal monster wants ya Could revert to vert, but lets keep Our options open Covert, __ My heart is broken No window open Who left the draft in –motherfucker My heart is broken I need a lover I need a lover Some one to hug me I need a hug, but And– I'm not fit to touch The hem of your garment The tip of your dick or fit enough to be your girlfriend I guess i'll just have to live with that When I have an itch, I scratch it myself I made the assumption you can't, And moved passed it But something's been calling me out, from the past Something's been calling me back to the magic I can't get around that Do you hate me? I can see that I'll just make my way back to the beginning Though I'm envious And i pity her, The both of you really There's nothing left between us except Insanity//Infinity Kendrick Style Flow Don't key my car: You'll be callin collect! I got rearview mirrors in the back of my head Don't get up right now, son– Go back to bed I got kids all over, be pulling my leg! Luke, I am your Father! Oh My Oh My God On top of the Watchlist You make money off dope; I made it on craigslist Still be sniffin that coke But now i'm on A list I'm the greatest Ey Miss! I missed too many calls (Airplane Mode) I just started my day (Whole Workload) I might need a buffet (Like Whole Foods) Sashe, Pas De Bourre (That's a code word) No dance floor? Now you're done for My forte Four-to-the-floor Hardcore I drop bass on the encore Front row won't go But i'm already out the front door You don't know I just hopped inside the helicopter, or chopper, chopped broccoli in my cup That's supper; Sleep/ Wake then Surf's up In the morning When i got there (Coastal show, Shower, Then another club Encore Front row lined up I'm already at the front door They want more I'm too sore, for sure Off subject, I dropped in Harder than Paulie On my surfboard (Another code word) This is my world: Another club, Then I'm off for a monday Or somethin' Write another song At the buffet –Tales of a Superstar DJ Amen. Fuck! I didn't even get to watch desperate housewives! Don't fuck with her! She's a trained assassin! GET ON THE GROUND. NO! GET ON THE GROUND– OR I WILL SHOOT YOU! SO? IF I SHOOT YOU, YOU WILL DIE. OK? “OK”? YOU WILL DIE. YEAH, AND? Kind of frustrating hunting down somebody who already has a deathwish. What do you do with someone who has no fear of death. Give them life. I'm telling you, we probably shouldn't be doing this. *shrugs* You split yourselves into two entirely separate individuals at once, just so you could see whose dick is longer? Technically, three entirely separate individuals. THIS ISN'T FAIR. Do you ever think? Sometimes, but it's usually pretty gross. I mean about the implications of these things! You are the implications of these things! I split my soul ONE time into 8 BILLION or so individuals, before this even had happened. WOAH, WHAT HAPPENED. I'm giving you planetary confinement. What. You–can stay here. On this planet. No. It's racist–and primitive. No– And you're black. Please– I'm leaving. –don't– –and i'm taking your portal gun with me. YOU PUT A PORTAL ON MY FACE?! Genius. Incredible. I didn't think it would be a big deal. He has two! Okay, time for work. But i didn't even sl– Coffee. Ouh. … … — I don't think we should be doing this TIA We probably shouldn't. TAMERA We very much shouldn't. What are you guys doing. Nothing. SHh. Summoning the devil. It's not the devil. It might be. Hush. Is that a pentagram. Technically it's a star, with a circle around it. That's a pentagram. It's not a pentagram! Is that a ouiji board? NO. Yes. Let me see. Ugh! I wanna help. MEANWHILE. MORGAN FREEMAN enters an empty train car: Oh God, This. Yes it is! What!? Are you dead! Entirely empty, that is–besides SUPACREE. No, you are! Great, so you're dead! I'm–not dead. Is Bob Saget with you? I'm not DEAD. What about Fraiser? What? Kelsey Grammer! God rest his soul. SEE! I'm not dead– [beat, an eerie shadowy silence in the dimly lit traincar] I'm a Legend. What. I wrote that/ You wrote that. What. Ugh. Look. Morgan Freeman. [Morgan Freeman] I–am–like a paranoid schizophrenic, or something– So, who isn't?! It might be catatonic, I don't know–I got this whole dead-hand–thing–going on. What is that? I don't know. It might just be too much deadmau5. I don't understand. No, Morgan Freeman. I don't understand. Anything about this life. Or this world. The fourth dimension. I definitely don't know anything about that. You're in it. Whatever. Look. [Morgan Freeman] God, you have so many freckles. [Morgan Freeman] Look. I got problems. We all do! Nah, not like–Hollywood problems, I'm like, a real psycho and shit. Sounds like Hollywood. Everything sounds like Hollywood–because nothing is real anymore–everything is for the gram, the points don't matter–nothing actyally matters. At all. Oh? Oh. The train comes to a sudden halt, the lights dim theatrically. Not even this? [pause] He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golden pinata; You know who gave it to me? …Who? Got ya. He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golde pinata ; Fuck dude, i'm too tired to write this. But you kind of have to. I mean i don't have to. YOU HAVE TO. I–WHAT? YOU HAVE TO DO IT. WHY. BECAUSE OTHERWISE I DON'T EVEN EXIST; Then don't exist… I'M JUST A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN YOUR SHOW. Come on Drew, knock it off. Wait, is this Drew Carey, or Barrymore. Either or. That's why I didn't write the characters name. Well, which is it? It literally doesn't matter. Yes it does. Honestly?! It could be both! We just shoot it with both and keep whichever one we like better! But how do we know which is actually “better?” Just do it and mix it–cut it up together or something–I don't know! Cut takes! Cut Takes! Ooh, did someone say CUPCAKES. Don't mind if i DO. Well, I do! Why?! What's wrong?! Yeah! What's the big deal! I'm on a gluten free-thing Oh yeah? Keto. Or someshit. I don't know. Oh. Oh. So you don't want these No, I don't. And you wouldn't mind if I– Come on, man. So Good. Grow up. Hey man, i'm pushin 40. Well, I pushed 40–and it pushed back. Get your cupcakes out of my face. You're no fun. Hey! Aren't you that one guy from rick and morty. Formerly. Oh yeah! That's right! You were Rick AND Morty. Hence the name. Wow. Phewf. I heard about that. Yeah, me too. Sounds real bad, how that turned out. Such a shame. Speaking of shame– You're speaking, I'm snacking. That's not that clever. We'll work on it The point is, he's eating the cupcakes. That's not–wait a minute–hold on. What now? How are we ever gonna get these three guys in a room together. [Meanwhile, in another dimension–these three are tied up (read: bound and gagged) in a room together. –Let alone to agree to this!? SUPACREE removes the gag from the man's [JOSH PECK'S] mouth. I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS. That's what she said! Hey! That's not fair! I was never caught up in a scandal! The key word, I believe, is “never caught” That's two words! SHUTTHEFUCKUP. How many words is that? I WANT MY LAWYER!!!! For what? This isn't court. Wouldn't you want the police first? WELL THEN, I WANT THE POLICE. The Police are here. Wait, they are? Oh, thank God Not so fast. THE POLICE enter with full entourage. Introducing: The Police–playing their number one greatest smash hit! Groupies: Woooo! STING I hope you ladies bought the meet-and-greet package, if you know what I mean. *winks awkwardly* You know what I mean. Oh my God. Since you dudes love doing creepy dude shit, I brought some more notoriously creepy dudes to sing the literally creepiest song ever written about being a creepy dude. That's not fair. But it's funny. THE POLICE Begin to play ‘I'll be Watching You” –and they're gonna play it on loop until I get back with your other-dimensional selves so we can fix all this. “WE” “FIX ALL THIS” WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Nobody seems to know. “--I'll be watching you–” I was FRAMED. CUT TO a golden pocket watch, a wrist watch, a compass–it changes and morphs so quickly that it begins to seem to spin time itself into a whirlwind, until finally a portal opens up from within his hand–a portal which quickly devours him entirely, morphing him into Fuck, what the fuck happened after that Idk I got off the train I guess This is really terribly written INT. SAM ASH MANHATTAN. DAY. A tiny conga for 90 dollars I could die in here Maybe I am just like you I find my way to the prettiest thing in the room And have my way with it Just for a few minutes Consume it, then move on Saw Madison dancing badly on Madison Avenue It's okay, You're a white girl So everybody loves you Everybody loves you Everybody loves you, no matter what you do. As for me, I can't say when I'm going through But you couldn't do it, Madison That's as bad as being at a standstill at rush out in Manhattan With enough practice I could buy everything in Sam ash And make my own band with it That's the plan at least— But

america god love jesus christ music new york amazon health new york city trust father hollywood earth man house rock los angeles work moving hell mexico training young speaking canadian games building dj creator writing wild balance fitness devil focus coffee holy festival dad satan write forever mom open drop kanye west funny police plan tales utah greek dead record bbc alive grammy fame mayors heroes code humans wake dark beyonce rain stuck standing matrix sick straight hits switch happy birthday consequences member math cat adolf hitler broke finish letting go humble billion incredible vegan gurus falling in love blame wear genius honestly hole distractions throw ab orange gotta lol curiosity complex hungry fuck proud karma soft tempo lying congratulations weak amen wtf balls bronx anxious loud logic providence david bowie heartbreak harder hanging bitch excuse membership counting yellow similar gross apology psa awkward ir doc shut siri signal nuts grammy awards copyright shazam shenanigans beverly hills pages won get out bach keto nah wonderland cosmos ludwig van beethoven whole foods shower forgot hades dudes illuminati ka pay attention spur progression signature sd thousand backwards encore rick and morty aha fucking voodoo mm nsa sir soleil morgan freeman jimmy fallon lay technically autopilot bury annihilation reached petite hugs devastating hush nevermind ur consume equinox jk coastal kisses absurd acoustic tie handle handed lovin family guy la croix montages irony hm duh nothin michael j fox diplo framed amit subscriptions sweeping idk only god nda jinx im m tits cupcakes skrillex obsidian edc brownies covert keisha hahaha beeps augmented oh god mmm benz ew oh my god aw copycat tantric opposites careless shhh sentimental dammit vinegar tit deadmau5 midtown in the heights kaskade good one marty mcfly lemme raves summoning metadata gazing fuckin horus sunni thx insatiable ahem edx pasquale collateral damage lmfao mistrust moog moo whole foods market kelsey grammer stop it carved dillon francis gawd jesus no motherfuckers drew carey shitting hah cyanide awww aww 1d ext uhhh eucalyptus shh god is real josh peck fangirls barrymore fka uhh serato he said end credits captain crunch gimmie windex fraiser commercial break lin manuel control room hard reset uhm buti minnie riperton god yes fuck it ahah arrr oreo cookies god not jesus look icee watching you god right tox what the fuck cdjs i hate you lost lands probably not polars wht get fucked it hurts rekordbox carless bothersome minnie ripperton ouh shredded wheat lookie dog blood let me out waht ahaha hve curving i am ready lampshades honey smacks you will die vip vip dj world by chance this is my house oh come on who did this you're dead to me phewf wheeeeeee

[[NSFW.]] {Enter The Multiverse}

Play Episode Listen Later Dec 2, 2023 49:26

[some rehashings] I don't know how to write this scene, Lol. SHIA LABEOUFF Uh oh. That's not right. Don' google it. I know, huh. Uhh. It's okay. I got this. SHIA LaBeouf* lol Worst last name ever Anyway SHIA LABEOUF JUST DO IT. Ok. The former child stars of the LATE 90's EARLY 2000's era Lol, how do you write something like this idk. Here: A STRANGE CULT has gathered, a large tabernacle-like choir chanting ceremoniously, cloaked beneath the long robes and thick plumes of smoke, hidden deep within the confines of a candlelit cavern, adorned with mystifying and mysterious objects. Yeah, that does it. Lol. Don't put me around famous people, guys. I'm not right. Especially ones I like. Kesha blew my mind like 4 years ago and it still keeps me up at night. I'm telling you. It's not right. Just write. The Chanting reaches it's peak and comes to a close, as a– Wait. What. Economically speaking Uh huh. How much money is it going to take to get all of these people in a room together at one time. A lot. We can do cut takes. No cut takes! WHAT THE FUCK DRAKE. I TOLD YOU NO CUPCAKES. I brought–cupcakes. I TOLD EVERYONE THERE WOULD BE COOKIES. I brought cupcakes. COOKIES. NOT CUPCAKES. YOU'RE INVITED Ooh. what's this. COME TO THE DARK SIDE WE HAVE COOKIES. DUMMMMMMB. This is reckless. Stop doing whippets. No. What? Why not. Hoes Love Whippets. CARRYING ON. Josh– I SAID, CARRYING ON. Why Does Josh Peck talk in all caps? Typecasting. AnYwAyS So– is she– ‘The Forgotten One' CULT, UNANIMOUSLY “The Forgotten One” The shadowy figure removes his hood to reveal himself as DRAKE BELL (gasp) Yeah, she's one of us. DUDE. You're not supposed to take your hood off! It's hot under here: SO! Everything's on fire and I had to run around and get cupcakes! –And that's where we left off: JOSH PECK also removes his hood, revealing himself to the audience. Woah. what episode of Drake and Josh is THIS A new one. No fucking way. JOSH PECK WHAT THE FUCK DRAKE. I TOLD YOU NO CUPCAKES. I brought–cupcakes. I TOLD EVERYONE THERE WOULD BE COOKIES. I brought cupcakes. COOKIES. NOT CUPCAKES. (From The Crowd) Aw, what–there's no cookies? (Crowd disapproval; everyone deflates and begins taking off their hoods and cloaks, clamoring.) THE DISNEY CHANNEL CIRCLE OF STARS Enter Dramatically through every possible entrance, much like the cast of a critically-acclaimed Broadway musical. Which Broadway musical? Uh. One where the cast enters through the aisle. Duh. Ugh, these guys. Who invited them? I did. For what? That was the whole point. After a large MUSIC/DANCE number. Lol Hold the phone What How are we gonna get ALL THESE MOTHERFUCKERS CUT TAKES NO CUT TAKES. BRO. HM. IGOTIT, SUPACREE wakes up at a mysterious RAVE. Oh shit. Throw a party. Celebrities loooooooove parties. That's all they do. … … … Yeah–that too, but we don't like to think about that. DISNEY. I'll take it. SOLD. Wait, this is on Disney? Or one of it's subsidiaries, none of which are NICKELODEON. We'll take it. SOLD. Wait. What. You Auctioned Off The Festival Project on The Black Market? Yeah. WHY? I don't know. Something about cookies. At the height of the chaos, SUPACREE strolls in. Ah shit, cupcakes! I love these. THE FORGOTTEN ONE. Are these Vegan? (gasps and whispers, whippets in the back) Pause. OKay. Deep thought process collison Go on… Either someone's a genius and set this whole thing up That's making sense Or Hollywood just fucks people up enough that Whippets. I need more whippets. For what? Whippets. Everyone's on drugs. oh golly, everyone's fucked up. Orrrr, orr–they're just having fun. Should I be worried? Nah. … … … Coincidences don't exist. JOSH PECK A COINCIDENCE THIS IS NOT. How are you this deep in my consciousness. Maybe I'm Not. Oh yeah, I watched The Wackness. Oh yeah, huh. Fuck. So wait. Everyone's just real hot– Money's not a problem, And everyone's on drugs. Yeah. Sign me up! Okay, You're up. Excuse me, I'm what? You're on Go. Uhhh— Just…talk. This is stalking. Don't stop writing OMG WHAT'S IN THE DUFFEL BAG . What's in the pinata? This is NOT THAT SHOW. Of Course it is. It's not. THIS IS AAAAAAALL THAT THIS iS AAAAALLL THAAAAAAT. yeah. HOW MUCH IS THIS GONNA COST??? Can we please have a stereotypically jewish accountant for this project? On it. Rodger. What's up, guys. Uh. These are good. … … … Can you see us? Yeah. All of us. I think so. Especially Amanda Bynes. Hey, AMAND BYNES —she KNOWS who I AM. Duh. WOO. [takes a whippet] Wow. How are you not freaking out?! I have cupcakes. Fiar. Besides, it's just a dream. What? I'm dreaming. None of this is real. Uh–it's not a dream. Maybe multiple dreams. Ew. Don't be gross. I can be gross. It's my dream. You don't understand. No, you don't understand. Because you're in my dream; But i'm dreaming. I'll probably just wake up in a couple of minutes when I'm finished with this cupcake…and really want cupcakes. How did you even get here?! What reality do you think this is? It's not reality. IT iS–REALITY. THIS IS REAL. FLASHBACK: HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA 2010 Woah, hold the phone. Yes, I'll hold. Nothing really matters anymore, No more words, now Try to lay down Try to phaseout my Drastic, disasterful thoughts With croissants And the words to a song, Or a new work of art in The Festival Project I'm not God, yet; I'm only his daughter A doctor, I work at the smokeshop Look, go back to Hollywood– Now you're a subject. Went to Fame School, But just started fame college I'll need that doctorate to call Drake and Josh up –Honestly, don't come back. I filled up half a chapter (Don't want your autograph) I wrote a paragraph after, 10 songs, and wanted a cocktail For watching you Buy your own canister Jesus Almighty And Kevin McCallister Candidly answer a Call from the darkness: “Heaven Help Hollywood, Please, Heaven Help Us.” [The Festival Project] [When it] Turns out, The bottom of your heart Was the tip of the Ice Berg And the whole ship has [s]unk[en], [&] I[t]'s probably ice cold At the bottom of the ocean; I'll tell you where i'm from Why, I'll tell you anything for About one dollar Turns out, I've already got one eye on you; One eye'd sad heart I should probably roll out my art on you [I probably should not] One man bought a kiss, Another, a whole night from her– One man bought a whole farm The other, a Whole Foods Market –and you can't even franchise those Amazon's got a monopoly We were playing for corners of earth, All i got was some kandi, Subscriptions to candidly, Actually, I really liked the tree trial (I think i'll wait a week, sorry) When it turns out The world that you wanted Was actually hours already The dollar you got Was also borrowed And the money they wanted and got Was just actually stolen from someone else They bought all the food up And sold it for profits I promise this avocado Once costs nothing at all But you wanted that car for your daughter She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it My mom, on my honor Of all the garages in Lost Lands, I promise the owner of it was The first to go last, And the last to come home Now he's on his own alter And also the worshiper; How do you go back? Oh, you don't Oh you don't Oh, you don't wanna know that But i was of course, All of your rock bottoms It's bottoms and tops, and We don't let the top fall over, We're counting up crumbs And this muffin costs $24 dollars Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks For the dead homies Not dead in the general sense But just in the head, the heart, And the soul The homeless are happier at McDonalds Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere I'll avoid the power struggle at operations for about 18 dollars and 56 sense (Please, keep the pennies) I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's Something indecent, or decadent Whichever it is Cause i'm better of with the memory of it Than actually dragging it in. –I'm a cat again. Ouch. Shut up. It HURTS. Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics. YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid. Yes, but lucily* for you– –or, for him– Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid. –Ouch– –Shut up. That we know of. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

CHAOSMagic

Play Episode Listen Later Nov 27, 2023 6:00

[The Legend Returns] Really Bad Mixtape (Might as well get it out of the way now) Killst_rr (Instrumental) Sleep Deprivation Sequence You're not you when you're not you. Hoe_math Exactly what it sounds like. [UnderWorld.] R-R 1 -rarity. [i Come Undone.] AtPLAY Live Mix [Autopilot.] {A Star Is Born.} For fear of fire; Best not to wander off, With no back track– Might have forgotten the rest, but It wasn't a poem, or part of a song At least, not yet Fuck man. I really want to sample this. Can't sample deadmau5; he's a bitch about paperwork. You cant technically say that. I mean, I technically didnd't. Just let your fingers do the talking. Ooh, look at that one. What are you doing. Some online shopping. For what. A man-thing. You're better off letting your back end Handle the conversation Then again, When in search of a venue Anything with the proper connections And stereo systems Will do in the moment. What do you want? To get rid of my hiccups. That's it: *huccups* yu-p. Wow, that's– Have you ever thought about just– I've thought about just about everything–that's how you got here. I'm gonna go ahead and admit–there's too much going on in my head. It's a lot. I'm gonna need a nap. GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME. *sheath/ swoard* Is that the sword of skrillex. Yeus. Give it to me. *stabs in thigh* Oooh. Not the balls! fair. Around the world we go Around we go again Here we are Oh no, It's the same song Over and over I'd like you to love to today (I'd love to forget for a moment I haven't) I know before long, we get older and older All wrong, It's the same one, Over and over. Have you seen my butt plugs? NO! GROSS. It's alright. I'll just pick some up on the way. AGGH. Better yet, can you just put in the order on amazon AmAZoN. Yes. (I'm so happy Amazon has anal plugs.) Please stop now. You're being a baby about this–just- You know what. Nevermind. I'll do it myself. Please do that. Siri– Oh my God. Alexa–reorder from Amazon. Come on focus. …hmm…now what was I doing? A B L E T O N *spinning rainbow wheel of doom* …seems like it was something. Come on….FOCUS. Hm. When's the last time you had a marshmello. Flashback: [BONFIRE: Burning The Skrillex] *Also making smores* CUT BACK TO: Like never, I'm vegan. PASQUALE WAKE. UP. Holy shit. It's you again. It's always me. Last time you were like 26. Well, now i'm this age. Wait, how old are you. Wouldn't you like to know. There's a lot of things i'd like to know about you, Pasquale, that's not even near the top of the list. Speaking of “top of the list”-- I do have a lot of things to do today. Oh yeah, what's that? I don't know. A bunch of crap. Speaking of crap– This is a lot of speaking. Happy Birthday. What is this. It's Captain Crunch. Yes it is. What is it doing in my lap. That's your lunch. I–no, it isn't. It is. No, i'm vegan. Well, that's the “happy” part in “happy birthday” No… Yes, actually. This is – It is– Vegan. Damn. Jinx. You owe me a Pererier. Shut up. Or a LaCroix. I'll taka a LaCroix. You're so LA. I guess that makes you Beverly Hills– Or Pacific Palisades. Is that Annexed. It is “LA” What else is in this? No animal product… “Yellow 6” It reads! What happened to yellow 1-5? A whole story. Yes, but not a whole food. “Yellow 6?!” That's the chemical complex you need to find yourself in the right dimension. Exactly. What's wrong with this dimension? What isn't? I'm in it! You're in it! Like I said. What– Just eat it. Ugh– happy trails. *disappears* Ugh. I gave that dude too much money. Fuck, what was I doing again. Deadmau5. Uhm, no i was– Deadmau5. Deadmau5. OOOOOH> YES. I KNOW IT'S YOU, YOU SLIMY MOTHERFUCKER. Stop it. YOU STOP IT. I KNOW IT'S YOU. Who is it? STOP IT. Stop–doing that. I know you're deadmau5. I most certainly am not. I know its you. I have boobs. How did you do this. I did–n't. That's right. Fuck, what happened. Nothin. Now I gotta kill my stupid brother. You have a brother?! SKRILLEX. GET IN HERE. Fuck, run. I gotta go. Go where. Uhm. Somewhere else. DILLON, THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE. IT WAS NEVER FUNNY. (It was funny to me.) God does have a sense of humor. AHAH–AHAHA–HAHAHA. As it turns out, not the absolute best sense of humor. Oh—he's okay! He's okay! No, he's dead. He's definitely dead. But a sense of humor, nonetheless. Fuck man. What did you do to Dillon Francis. Nothing. I just got him drunk On what?! Cyanide? Okay, I don't even know what that is. He's a corpse. –but a pretty one. C'mon. Be serious. I can't. Why not. It's hilarious, kinda. This isn't funny. No, it's hilarious. He earned it. He “earned” it? Well, yes– He is dead. I mean, it's a long story; but he brought it upon himself, honestly. “Honestly” Please. PLease. Please. No, I said. PLEASE. I SAID NO. What's this story. That's ten. I win. Fuck. DILLOn WAkE UP. *smacks* ahah. I think it's working I think he's waking up. He's not waking up. He must be. He's laughing. He's not laughing He said “haha' *smacks* haha . See. *smacks* Mm. This shit smacks HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKSSSS. Oh shit, is this the 90s. HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKSSS. *slams* GIMMIE MY HONEY SMACKS. That's it. There's no more. AW, COME ON. Sorry, that's all there is. WHAT. But yu can have captain crunch. I DON'T WANT CAPTAIN CRUNCH. I WANT HONEY SMACKS. I'm sorry, there are no more Honey Smacks. You can have Captain Crunch, or Shredded Wheat. GRAMPA Shredded Wheat is MY favorite. Ugh. Mm. Honey Smacks. I HATE YOU. Be nice to your brother. Lol. Everything about Dillon's eyes makes him devastating. Who plays tiny Dillon? I don't know. There are like nine in the script. It shouldn't be hard to cast. We'll go to utah. Fucking. I hate Utah. WELCOME TO UTAH. Nice. Alright, well, what other grounds are there to cover, here? DILLOn FRANCIS I am not doing this project. Of course you are–it's in your contract. What contract. The one you signed. Which–no–I didn't. But you did. SUNNI BLU I got you a drink. DILLON FRANCIS That looks fruity. SUNNI BLU Try it. DILLON FRANCIS *sips* DILLON FRANCIS CONT'D What's in this. Just– drink it. SUNNI BLU Don't look at me like that. DILLOn FRANCIS Like what. SUNNI BLU Do you need a mirror? DILLON FRANCIS I– SUNNI BLU Look down. DILLON FRANCIS *does* SUNNI BLU *flicking nose* Made you look. haha . DILLOn FRANCIS Wow. [takes drink] SUNNI BLUThat's the spirit. But literally there's a mirror between your feet, if you need one. [there literally is] SUNNI BLU CONT'D The floor is made of mirrors DILLOn FRANCIS *suddenly inebriated* Oh wow. SUNNI BLU The whole club turns into a disco ball. DILLON FRANCIS *suddenly very inebriated* That's–convenient. SUNNI BLU It is. SHIA DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS. If my dreams were not just dreams, everyone in here would have a lawsuit against me. A lot of us do. Carry on, then. SKRILLEX BLAIGH. Oh shit, its you again. I swear to God, I thought I killed this nigga. Are you sure it was him? SKRILLEX !!!! No. Alright, i've almost got it. Almost got what. This whole– thing. Oh. –and–it's gone. Really, that quick. I don't think you understand what's happening. You're right, i don't understand what's happening at all. Oh shit. I'm deadmau5. Nice. Fuck it, lets do some trolling. Alright alright. BUT FIRST, COFFEE. Fuck dude, I don't think I should have anymore coffee. Too late. deadmau5. ok . Deadmau5. Nice. D–0 DOn'T D o THis, I'M WARNING YOU. …. If you open that portal, there's no going back. *opens portal* Now you've done it. *goes into portal* Fuck. *portal closes neatly* *facepalm* *entire series of cosmos collapse in the great distance–time begins to stretch and bend uncontrollably* Come on, just let me lick the balls. NO. I'll give you a cookie. well … OH my GAWD. What. Come here, you have to see this. What the fuck is that. I don't know. Should i pick it up? No, don't touch it! He picked it up. Oh, gross. What is this. I don't know. I think it's fanfiction. Who wrote it. Idk. somefangirl. Fangurl. FaNGiRls. Well, Hey, at least i'm not a groupie. OH COME ON, JUST LET ME SUCK IT. GET AWAY FROM ME. PLEASE. i'LL GIVE YOU $40. -well. NOW, A COMMERCIAL BREAK. Since when does this show have commercials. It doesn't. I want to talk to Jimmy Fallon. That's–not happening. Why not. JIMMY FALLON BECAUSE I HAVE A CONTRACT WITH NBC. There he is– Nice. JIMMY FALLON YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I AM A FAMILY MAN, OKAY. Is that like Family Guy? By Chance?! SETH MCFARLENE (with super long hair) *crossing fingers* I'm hoping so. JIMMY FALLON Not even close! SETH MCFARLENE *snaps* Dammit. Oh, I get it. It's like–The Cofffee run Which “coffee run” THE coffee run. We'll have to admit, it's probably the most watched coffee run of all time. Of all of them. You know what? Fuck it, fire me. I'm doing this show. What?! JImmy. Why on EARTH would you ever agree to something like this. JIMMY FALLON THE COSMIC AVENGER Because–it's my duty. Yo. You know that song that everybody knows? You know the song because everybody knows this song. It goes: Lovin you– is easy cause youre beautiful. do - do- do - do- do- do- do… Yeah. You know that song. But you probably don't know who sings it. I'll tell you who sings it. That song is by an artist called Minnie Ripperton. That's a mouthful. Yeah, one hell of a name, huh. Well, that's the lady who sings the song. It's Minnie Riperton. Now, let me tell you something else you probably don't know: Something I probably wouldn't know if I wasn't a DJ But i know this, because I'm a DJ AND MAYA RUDOLPH WAUT A MINUTE. What the fuck, Maya Rudoph, are you doing in my bathroom at 5 AM It's 1:15 in the afternoon. I'm a DJ. It's 5 AM. That's making sense. I know it is. What's not making sense. Is why you're in my bathroom drinking a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. So it is. *slurps milkshake* *sitting on toilet* *slurps* What do you want. You want to know what I want? Apparently, a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. OK. OK. OK so what. Finish the script. –What? Fuck dude, how does this song sound good every time? Congratulations, you've gone entirely insane. beep-boop . [DJ] B00p beep. [Music Producer] Beep-beep. 0.c. Do not fall dangerously in love; Do not pass go Do not collect $200 Or any of it For any reason, For any of it For any of them Just keep it pushin; Just keep it private Just hold it all in and Do not let go Do not fall in love Do not pass go Do not unload Do not walk Do not cross here Do not It smells like butter. But you're vegan. I know. Do you think you're having a stroke. God, I fucking hope so. GOD You WHAT. I want to die. GOD I thought i heart you right. You heard me right–a THOUSAND times. I want to die. Take me out of this life. GOD Not until you make dubstep. WHAT. GOD You gotta make a grammy-winning dubstep album. I what. GOD Or at least nominated. No, I don't. GOD Beg your pardon. I'm not begging. GOD What are you getting at, hon? Look; Am I not one with the source? GOD Uhm–you are. Alright, Then: everything is everything. GOD Yes. And everyone is everyone. GOD This is true. So i'm Skrillex. GOD Skrillex is Skrillex So I Am. GOD … And I already won a grammy. GOD … Like a bunch of them, right. GOD Uh. So technically– GOD YOu know what. I can't argue with that logic. This isn't ableton. No. This is Logic. What the fuck. That's not Serato. No, that's Rekordbox. What the fuck is this. These are CDJs. There's no hot cues! What the fuck is a “HOT CUE” This is not food. What the fucking sauce. I'm warning you, Pasquale. Get off my lawn. THIS IS MY HOUSE. Your house it is not. *House music starts blasting* *lasers* sprinklers* dancers* WHAT THE FUCK. It's voice activated, I just– How did you do this?! What. WHAT DID YOu DO. AND WHEN. I don't know! I just took the delorean, like you said. You were supposed to find Dillon Francis. I did! The problem was, when I found the right one, he was dead! What? He's dead? Presumably! What do you mean by that!? It's a long story! WELL, HOW LONG? SUNNI BLU About as long as my dick! WHO IS THAT. I told you it's a long story. Well, let me in! Sorry Pasquale. No Can do. What. Why not. Cause you're on a federal watch list. What. Yeah. Sorry. Wait… You should probably leave before the feds get here. What? Unless you want to stay and party on the lawn but–not recommended. This is bizarre. The police arrive, surrounding Pasquale on the yard–moving in to arrest him. WAIT. SUPACREE turns away from the window; inside, a room full of her aliases sit looking somewhat miserably; SUPACREE!!! [Pasquale is handcuffed and i dragged off of the lawn] SUPACREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Careless, Acoustic–deadmau5 SUPACREE pours a bowl of captain crunch, taking one colossal bite and sits down in THE CONTROL ROOM at a large computer console; inhaling from a can of nitrous oxide. I'm the worst DJ ever. SUPACREE places the fames deadmau5 helmet atop her head and begins working at the computer promptly, clicking away; Now is deadmau5 I don't even know what key this song is in. MEOWINGTONS, Alive and well purrs and stretches, then settles atop SUPACREE/deadmau5's lap. This is insane. I don't know what's happening. END CREDITS. V. O. Lovin' You, Minnie Ripperton Carless, deadmau5 idk how i'm gonna mix that. Trust me. Anything can be mixed. Anything. [When it] Turns out, The bottom of your heart Was the tip of the Ice Berg And the whole ship has [s]unk[en], [&] I[t]'s probably ice cold At the bottom of the ocean; I'll tell you where i'm from Why, I'll tell you anything for About one dollar Turns out, I've already got one eye on you; One eye'd sad heart I should probably roll out my art on you [I probably should not] One man bought a kiss, Another, a whole night from her– One man bought a whole farm The other, a Whole Foods Market –and you can't even franchise those Amazon's got a monopoly We were playing for corners of earth, All i got was some kandi, Subscriptions to candidly, Actually, I really liked the tree trial (I think i'll wait a week, sorry) When it turns out The world that you wanted Was actually hours already The dollar you got Was also borrowed And the money they wanted and got Was just actually stolen from someone else They bought all the food up And sold it for profits I promise this avocado Once costs nothing at all But you wanted that car for your daughter She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it My mom, on my honor Of all the garages in Lost Lands, I promise the owner of it was The first to go last, And the last to come home Now he's on his own alter And also the worshiper; How do you go back? Oh, you don't Oh you don't Oh, you don't wanna know that But i was of course, All of your rock bottoms It's bottoms and tops, and We don't let the top fall over, We're counting up crumbs And this muffin costs $24 dollars Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks For the dead homies Not dead in the general sense But just in the head, the heart, And the soul The homeless are happier at McDonalds Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere I'll avoid the power struggle at operations for about 18 dollars and 56 sense (Please, keep the pennies) I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's Something indecent, or decadent Whichever it is Cause i'm better of with the memory of it Than actually dragging it in. –I'm a cat again. Ouch. Shut up. It HURTS. Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics. YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid. Yes, but lucily for you– –or, for him– Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid. –Ouch– –Shut up. That we know of. George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* Lookie here boys: What is it? –I'm leaving. Oh, you're gonna wanna hear this. What. I found the first “whites only” water fountain since 1962. Okay, what do you want? A deal. Oh, I'll give you a deal. Cash up front. [He presents a one dollar bill] Is this enough. [beat] Where are you going with this? Nowhere, fast. YO. What now, dude. SHE'S ONTO US. I doubt that. Look at this. I highly doubt– *gaaassp* Shenanigans! You know what I like about you, Ariana? Everything. Hah. Hm. You know how to keep a secret. I don't know what you're talking about. Exactly. *rolls eyes, flips hair.* Well, here's another one for you. –Another what? This is how my darkness becomes your darkness. I already have enough on my own. I know. You don't know. Only God knows. MOM! Don't ask me again. This is heavy, Doc. What is it? The soup! It's too heavy. Too much cream? Way too much! I have a meeting! Meeting with who? The Hollywood People. When? Soon–what time is it? I don't know. Dammit! Why don't you have any clocks in your house? I only just recently remembered what a clock was. Oh! Here. [God produces a small pocket watch and presents it to him; it's nearly noon on EARTH; But the two are sharing a meal of course in the famed kitchen of the Creator in the TImeless VOID.] Ah, Jesus Christ! He's not here… I'm gonna be late. Now, now; You know I wouldn't let that happen– [a smug look| Hugs and Kisses. [As they embrace, he disappears into a mist of light and stardust, fading away from the void and into the exterior world; he realizes God has slipped him the watch; he flips it open to reveal the time: it is now 11:44] Amazing. V.O. Now you won't wait so long to visit. [He places the wach in his pocket and walks into the studio] MICHAEL J. FOX has been asked to reprise his role as MARTY MCFLY many times before; But never for a project like this. ____ Meanwhile, What am I going to do with you? [The Festival Project.™] YOU'RE DEAD TO ME! –I'm dead to everyone! Don't do this. You wanted to come to the other side. No, I didn't. We'll you're here anyway; Might as well stay awhile. With eyes like burning fire And saddles for the riders The horse begins to gallop (or the horses, rather) On the mark to beating drums To move them forward faster What the fuck is this. idk. Kx5. *-* !_! Here u go Wat is this. it's a dragon. Oh, thats nice. Ya. Whats it do. Idk. dragon things. ok. Don't put it in ur bathroom. Why. idrk. Hm. † Hey. Ugh–No, Kaskade, go away. It's me, Ryan! No, Get out! I'm No† Ka–k (gags) –skade! Gross! It's just Ryan! I promise! NO. GET OUT. Lmfao. Right. This show is fantastic. Who was that. Fucking–Kaskade again! Are you sure. Ugh. Looks like Ryan. Kaskade is Kaskade. {shrugs] Dudes a creep. “Kaskade Ruins Lives” Is this the same episode as before? Eventually, yes. Wasn't I doing something Are you goona let this go? Um. Well I'm fucked. Why, what happened. Obsidian. That should do Unsobsidian. Okay, i'm fucked, Well, what's this? An Oreo Cookie. I mean, sitting next to it. Oh, its a portal gun. Raves are not just raves– A party is not simply a “party” –These big festivals –they're diversions. –DIstractions. Distractions from what. If you were supposed to know, –you'd know. it wouldn't be so important that you go. Why is it? These ancient rituals… It's occult magic. They've got it down to a science. The government funds this. The government funds everything. WoooooooW. It's not really a secret, if you can google it. ‘-complications.' I'm lost somewhere, gone HIppopatamus feeling quite off in the galaxies, galavanting Gazing at Daisies Aces and spades Gone from Heaven to Hades for days On the A– Adjacent Recently dismantling adjectives, Lampshades and matching curtains God it hurts, every day that I think about you; But how can i be about you when You don't even see me, do you Signature consignments, Wrong environments and irony is, I wasn't invited– –but invented it WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Great, now I have to explain myself. You don't have to. What's this space for? Oh, that's the red room. [The Red Room] Well, obviously, but– But what? What's it for? I don't think anybody should read this. HEY. Participation Only– Oh! No peeking! You ever feel like you're doing too much? Yeah, but not for money. Look, we have them surrounded. Our best course of action is to– deadmau5 . What? No– DEADMAU5. Well, are you sure it was a mouse and not a rat? It was a mouse. I know the difference. Do you, though? Look, I've lived in Mexico and New York City. So. In Queens. Oh. That's mathematically impossible. I mean it's not–impossible. No, it's not just impossible. It's mathematically impossible. Has it ever occurred to you that the DJ World in entirety exists outside of the realm of math and science? What is this. Just–enjoy the rave. No. What is this. Look at the firewoooorkkks! Woo EDC… NO. What is this right here. BEFORE: Hey, you still got that balloon? Yeah. Lemme see it. Dude, what are you doing? …I'mma go catch me a DJ. THIS IS NUTS. I can't feel my face. What do you call this? Collateral Damage. Look, I'm going to have to take frequent trips to the bathroom. ok . And–uhh– and. Uhh– Why did you call me over here. Cause i can. Look. this is not magic. This is not science. This is not “voodoo” Voodoo is magic. It's just music. W H E R E D I D H E G O O O O O I don't know. Fuck dude, I fucked up. Once again– Of course you did. What did you do this time? I might have evaporated someone with my fat fucking bass. Nice. Way to go. Yeah. Wait. … Did you just say. HE JUST He deserted me. SO WAIT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HERE? ALRIGHT, WHO THREW A ROCKSTAR IN MY TENT? JEFF Alright, lets go. WHO DID THIS. So what's this place. Lets not let this conversation resurface. This is a 21 Plus Event. What about VIP VIP is 25 Plus. What about that place. Sorry kids. [NO ENTRY] We gotta get in there. So then they wanted an Encore. Did you give them an encore? NO, i was already at my hotel room. Then how did you know that they wanted an encore? WHICH IS IT, THE WYNN, OR THE ENCORE. FUCK, I DON'T REMEMBER. Please, who stays at the Encore for EDC? Have you literally never been out with rich people? No, I literally just got rich. Oh, nice. So, wait, like– Here we go. Dillon Francis has just always been rich? Uh-huh. And Skrillex has always been rich? Yes. Definitely. And deadmau5. deadmau5 is Canadian. OH MY GOD. W E L C O M E I'm going to need your absolute discretion about this. Alright. Sign this waiver. …this is a…pretty heavy packet. I'll wait. I've never signed an NDA like that in my life. Lil' biiiiiiiiiiiiiitzzzz Can we just admit it's weird that we live in an era where “NDA” is household jargon. And like, everyone knows what it means. Everyone knows what an NDA is. I appreciate the sentiments Isn't it weird how it sets in automatically? Autopilot, go. Aww, i don't want to be Autopilot. You're on autopilot. I don't really have to think about it anymore, I'll have to sleep on it Wear a white t-shift, Hear the applause of the audience, Eat it You wanna know what I think? You want to know what I'm drinking? You know what I need? An Icee, (cause I see you typing) An awful Omnipotence A God of Mirages No more carbohydrates, I gotta get all thin; Forgot to acknowledge Whether or not i'm turning this off soon I are. I…”are” I are. Infinite Reality. OH. I. R. IR! IR! IRV I ARE. Suddenly, I remember the taste of talcum powder As If I were Moving backwards In time, Like, Why, God on earth would My mom let me try that, But if i'm honest, Fuck man, I hate deadmau5– There's just too much in here. Beep boop. I love deadmau5. It's so simple. What is this, MATH?! THIS IS AERODYNAMICS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE AERO DYNAMICS DId you mean what you said about that? I meant everything I said. Goddammit, fuck this, I was in the middle of a really complex poem In realtime, listening to deadmau5 Having a partially out of body spiritual experience, Entirely fucking sober FACEPALM BLŪ 8facepalming dramatically in frustration* NOBODY IS EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN ANY OF THIS. beepboop. YO. Oh, I forgot my open form poetry, or my mom How my mom once allowed me to gnaw on talcum powder But who can blame her That was a hard one It was a past life And now ive Got Another One HOly shit what version of the cube is this. 1D. What. You'll get it. Wait. Have you ever stopped for a minute to think– I can't stop for a minute, especially just to “think” [Literally stops for a minute to think.] No fucking way, uh-uh. Come on, man. No. I ain't time travelin' wit deadmau5. Come on– NO. –that someone else has already figured all of this out and that's how any of it is possible in the first place. Alright, i'm gonna need some mind-altering drugs for this. What are you doing. Voluntary Ego Death. I– Wait. Why would you. Get out of my brain. I am your brain. Take care, now. Holy shit, it seems like she's getting more evil. That's because she's definitely more evil ALRIGHT, I'M TIRED OF THIS: WHERE IN THE FUCK IS SKRILLEX. MEANWHILE INT. IN THE FUCK. DAY. *rings doorbell* AT YOUR MOM'S HOUSE. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME. I'm not joking, that's…literally the answer to your question. Oh. Fuck. What dude. We gotta go back. I left the keys in the pocket of the guy I shapeshifted into. Are you serious? It's fine, he can't have gone too far, dude. What do you mean he “left the dimension” He entered a portal. He– wait, excuse me. A portal. A “portal”, dude? Yeah; a portal. What do you mean “a portal” A portal, like— you know, like a portal gun, but not a portal gun, just a portal. Uh huh. Excuse us for a second. What the fuck is this dude talking about? I don't know, man. Humans don't use portals! I know man. What the fuck! Well, wait—how do we know that guy is human. He looks human. Yeah dude but, we look human. Duh! Cause we shifted! Yeah, but, how do we know he's not a shifter. Because, dude, I know a shifter when I see one. Yeah, but—you know, what if he's really good. I highly doubt that. Why? Cause I'm the best. No, I am. Exactly, so we'd know if it was another shifter–cause we're the best shifters! Well, let's at least try to see if he knows anything else about those guys. They were together right? I hope not. No, not like that—like Okay, okay, whatever, let's just… Wait, where'd he go? Excuse me. What up. There was just another guy over here just now— He was like—you know—normal looking guy Tie die* shirt Yeah. Did you see him. Yeah, I saw him. Alright, cool, where'd he go? He left. What?! That was fast! Yeah, well…it happens. Are you sure? Yes. *actually is shifter* [as they walk away, the shifter shifts, and then vanishes into a random portal.] Awww, dammit, Now we're never gonna find this guy. Never say never. Whatever, we're dead. We're always dead. Yeah, but like in modern human slang terms Oh, yeah, that. Anyways, I gotta relieve this human's bladder. I fucking hate this species for this. It is useless. *enters portal potty* [ Wait, whatever actually did happen to Dillon Francis? That's great, I was just getting to that. 19 Pages. Nice. …no, 12. What. [11:12] Okay, I'm gonna kill him. Oh, I banished him. With my fists. Nice. Tits. Nice tits. Thx. Hey man. Hey what. Remember that smudge on the lens. Yeah. It just got bigger. … did you try vinegar instead of Windex. Yes. –IT'S NOT A SMUDGE. Did you try Windex with Vinegar. –IT'S NOT A– Shut up. I'm. So. Hungry. Look, do you want this, or not? Do you feel like any of this is a coincidence? Just quit, it. Dillon Francis. WHERE IS IT? I don't know. Lets kick this up a notch. ILLUMINATI What do you want? … I want the full package. ILLUMINATI Okay, I'm gonna need specifics. How do you even get a job as a courier for the illuminati? [INDEED.COM | ILLUMINATI - COURIER- URGENTLY HIRING] Hm. It was a pretty specific list. I don't even get the point of a barbeque if everyone is vegan Well, The Mayor eats fish. Oh please, where is THAT guy the Mayor of? I don't know. We meet in the Matrix. This is for you. Oh. Do you like it? I– It's not a brothel! It's Member's Only! YOu BUY a Membership. Yeah. And WOMEN. HEy, MAN, YOU CAN BUY DUDES, TOO. SHHH. Oh no. What. What did you do? I gave her my credit card. The Heavy One? Yes, and– “AND” –access to the black market. Cool, I got it. Oh, another auction. Of course another auction. What'd you buy this time? A lifesize deadmau5 bobblehead. What are you gonna do with that? Wouldn't you like to know. Ok, gross. LIL BIIIIIIIITXXXX I love a good deamau5 show. He really does have the best fans, It's a comfortable, safe space. Very inviting. Everyone is happy. What the fuck, dude, this place is a sausage fest. Yeah, that's deadmau5 for ya. Hey, I'm looking for this shithead. Oh, that dude? Yeah, have you seen him? Fuck, I wish this never happened. LIL BIIIIITz If you don't know who deadmau6* is– GET OUT. Jk. but seriously this is easily the most devastating person i've ever seen. Maybe just to me, but. Are you sure that's the right guy? Yeah, that's gotta be him. Is he wearing glasses? Ugh. Oh wait. Damn. ‘Fuck, it is my sapiosexuality, I think' Even if it was perhaps an error, as I might have more than needed a new pair of glasses myself, just the thought of Joel in a pair of specables was suddenly and immediately the equivalent of Dillon Francis sitting down at a piano, or Sonny doing just about literally anything–and I realized, finally, that the most indecent things about myself were quite possibly only happening inside my own mind– Okay, my body does really weird things to this dude's music. Are you sure this is real? No. I love this. Just shut up and do your job. What a nightmare. PLease HElP ME. Hm. That can't be right. What. This translates to H E L P M E Oh, shit, I gotta go. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm always working. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm at work. Well, that was nice and all, but–I gotta get out of here. Where are you going? To shoot myself. Wow, that's one hell of a smile. Just–take it. I'm sorry, i can't accept this. What is even happening in this series? Like, a lot WOULD YOU KIDS SETTLE DOWN. *not settling down* *lil biiiiiiiitz* You know what I wonder? I wonder this I'm sober. I'm just sober sally over here. I didn't get sober. I just am. Cause i'd rather face the pain of this harsh reality with a bite than to dull it out and then wake up in the morning Or–just–whenever– To wake up whenever and be like “OH NO, THIS IS WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE” And the shock of it is so horrible that I just have to repeat that cycle again. ‘OH NOOOOOO” *gets faded* “It's all goooooood” No, it isn't. But i choose to stay like that cause it's like a It's not even a happy medium, It's more like a median-medium But you know what? It makes happier moments more happy And shitter moments less shitty Because i don't have this like drastic spacial Augmented reality or like smoke screen of emotional apathy. I get to feel things way more intensely. I don't have to wonder, ever “oh , did that just happen, cause I was messed up” Or like “would it have happened this way if I was sober” At all. I'm just level– No false sense of Pretty much anything. But i do wonder, though– Like, for people who weren't always sober, and then GOT sober– like , what's the breaking point What's the tip? I always have to sit back and wonder “What did you DO?” Cause you know it had to be something if suddenly “I don't drink anymore” I always wonder, and it's like– no disrespect or anything thing but… I really wanna hear that story. lol . I know you don't wanna tell it (if you can) But wanna hear it. Cause from my point of view. IT's probably hilarious. I know. I'm a dick. Holy shit. What is that. Looks like pasquale went all out with the fireworks this year. …is that a penis? WELCOME HOME It's a giant dick- in-the-sky! GOD IS REAL! JESUS Look, so i've been having second thoughts about this whole thing. What the fuck man. You gotta stop doing shit like this. JESUS I literally can't. I know, but. Okay, look. I'm not writing any of that. You've gotta tell him. NO, RYAN. WELL, WHY NOT. BECAUSE, RYAN. WHY. DEADMAU5 ISN'T REAL. Damn, am I in here. Nice. Of course I am. Well, how'd that happen. This is like a sea of cellphones. Perfect. It was a red car; I wasn't all there, And if you want her, You can have her Fuck. What. I forgot the rest of the verse. It's ok. We gotta move on. No, I gotta go back. For what. For my fans. Aw. What's this. IT's a ceramic mug. Wow, that's nice. I made it Wait. You made that?! Yeah. With your hands?! Yeah. Why would you do that? For you. What. I made it for you? Like, you thought of me first, then you made it? Yeah. WHY? Cause i love you! WOW. Fans are awesome OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *Sometimes. *vomits* … *dies* … *godlessness* [Devastating DJ Moments] I don't get it dawg, all this shit is in your music particles?! “Music particles” UGH. what . That's it. Don't be smart around me. Uh. I'm not smart? No, that won't work; sarcasm is a sign of deeper intelligence. “Sorry” Stop saying that. This is America. S– Don't say it again. Apology not accepted. Don't look at me like that. Like what. With your face. *face* Quick: Say something stupid and random. …I like anime. Oh good, that worked. Thanks. Where are you going? Idk somewhere else. Really, that's it? Yeah. That's all you have to say/ That's literally it. Are you seeing this. Yes. So what's the problem. Oh no, she's stuck in a loop. Throw the whole fan away. [DELETE] Did it work. Did what work. Oh, good. Cool. Wait. See ya later. Did what work? I wish i could just forget about this. Everything? Yeah. Look, this is between me and God–okay? GOD Don't drag me into this. You dragged ME into this! GOD Right. So i could get OUT; So don't drag me back in. Fuck, I remember this. I must have done something important here. Like what. Look, I love you. Great, now what do we do? Bury the body, I guess. *shrugs* Wait, what happened? Somebody dies. OKay, me first. Other Three: Who wants to go next. *still in shock* Fuck man, told you this was a long ass story. *Crying* I'm ruined. What! You went broke? No, i'm still a filthy rich millionaire. I thought you were a billionaire. I am I just *snifs* sometimes I forget that happened. “Sometimes I forget I'm a billionaire” I got to admit, man, I did it to myself. I'm not mad, or anything, but now there's just–certain things I can't do Oh, like what. Not that song. What, why not? You said “anything but Skrillex” this is not Skrillex, this is deadmau5. What's the difference? Okay, that's like saying “What's the difference between deadmau5' and my music?” No, it isn't. How is that not different? That's like comparing the music of Bach and Beethoven to the music of a tattooed hedgehog. You think I look like a hedgehog. No, it's just when I see you and a hedgehog I have all the same thoughts, turn this off. NO, i like this song. Seriously, Dillon Francis, turn it off. I'm gonna turn it up instead. I do not highly recommend doing that. Or at all. This ship has amazing subs. Should I bass boost this song. NO, PROBABLY NOT. Oh, why not? Dillon Francis, I'm warning you, stop. OH HOW COME BECAUSE WHY? BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A HEDEHOG NO, BECAUSE I ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP AT THIS *DROP* [INSTANTLY FALLS ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL–ACTIVATES HYPERSPACE– PLUMMETS SHIP INTO BLACK – HOLE. ohhhhh . What a hoe. Nice, that's a whole episode. Well, here's a bonus scene or whatever. Shazam, what is this. SHAZAM …i don't know. What do you mean you don't know. SHAZAM *panicing* IDONNO WHAT DO YOU MEAN– SHAZAM IDON. NO. OOOOOOOOOOOO Is this deadmau5. I'm not sure. Sounds like deadmau5. It sure does. This is pretty Ooh. it sparkles. yeah , it's deadmau5. How does she KNOW. I need a deadmau5 machine like right now. I know where to find that. Fuck dude, everything's gonna be half-ass until I push out this album. You can't rush it. Trust the process. I can't focus. Oh shit, wasn't this in the last episode? Yeah. I'm still writing backwards. God, what is that, like a pipe organ. WHAT SYNTH IS THIS. Doesn't matter, I just need one. That's it. I know what I'm going to spend my Jimmy Fallons On. And What's that? V.O. OOh. Are we Montaging–to deadmau5? [MONTAGE: deadmau5] Nice. I love a good montage. I love deadmau45* AHH OH NO. I love deadmau5. I keep making typos and I keep forgetting to delete that parallel where. fuckit. That's the synth I've always wanted. It's on sale for $999 At Sam Ash But…you only have Five JImmy Fallons. There are only five special edition in this Volume The Jimmy Fallon 555's I don't know how many volumes there are, but this is the Volume I started keeping track. Fuck, man. I miss Equinox. It's just Eucalyptus. They also have an outdoor running track where you get the best ever view of midtown manhattan. How do you know it's the best ever view of Midtown manhattan. Because it's on a running track. STOP WHISTLING IN MY WHOOP=WHOOPS. The JImmy Fallon 555s are marked with the standard Jimmy Fallon in black ink With a simple side marker of the number 555 in red And also in red, a telephone number on the back. But–that synthesizer is One Thousand Jimmy Fallons. Yeah. So I only need Nine Hundred Ninety Five More. And of course, the Eye of Providence is highlighted. Also Standard. V.O. I always highlight that. Cause, you know… “Illuminati” These are fake. No they're not! They're counterfeit, sorry. No they're not! They're authentic! Why the fuck does this matter so much? You know. What is it with this dude. If it was a snake, it would've bit ya. It was a snake. And it did bite me. He's so increasingly beautiful to me, And I'm still in love with his friend, or misrepresented masterpiece, Progression of a monster, or procession of a superstar, but Something in the story sparks the thought of All we are is consciousness, of course Awkward in body, but of constellations Cosmos, It's not just a corpse; It's all got love in it, Absurd, and sipping carbonated syrup, but I'm just sitting in my stirrups, Here comes galloping a horse, Of course, it hurts to turn it off For just a moment And remember That i'm just a homeless, Stuck and sitting up at night Writing recourse, hugging learning curves in ableton, Curving curses, been reminded that I'm worthless In a thousand words or less, Or just another form of torture, Nothing said, but all that's done Another day another dollar, But it's not It's Jimmy Fallon. I thought this was enter the multiverse. Are you ready to go. No. A hand on my shoulder So paifully socially awkward, I grow stretchmarks, don't know what to call them But scars, But the uglier ones, I've thought Are invisible, Somewhat– To the naked eye Or just anyone Not tiger stripes But one, an eye of horus Carved above my right And inside my lip, (The bottom one) A raised scar in the shape of a sythe I probably died by the hands of a man named Starr So it's hard to shrug it off, And 555 is just a number But it's not It's another scar, It's a punishment For loving him. What's on the back. It's…a number. What number? A telephone number. What. Like a 1-800 Number Call it. I love deadmau5. Something about a big, giant smiling robotic mouse that lights up and sparkles. Why? I don't know. I'm like 5. I see deadmau5 i'm like “WHEEEEEEE” My hands go up in the air “AHHHHHH! YAYYYYY” I'm so stupid. It's so stupid. But you know what? It makes me feel good. I'm not gonna lie. I love it. And by the time I even figured out what deadmau5 was I was so late to the party that I had to make up for lost time. I listened to deadmau5 doing EvErYThING. Everything you could possibly imagine. Well–Except one. Wait, how long have you been cellibate? Forever, probably. Fuck, what happened in here? I don't know. Everything's broken. My head My heart. Everything. Get up, Dillon Francis. Fuck, what happened. You sent us through a black hole. And we crashed on a random ass planet. Fuck, that sucks. YOu suck, Dillon Francis. Ugh. Now get up. Everything's fucked up. SUPERSTAR DJ I'm a paradox. I've got a box of skeletons in my closet i'm not ready to part with. I had a heart attack; I had a heart once, But lately it goes in my pocket; Or my right hand, When I wake up From a dream land, From a long hug From a nice man In a t-shirt KASKADE This is God's PLAN. RYAN, GET FUCKED. 800-799-7233 Did you call the number. Yeah. What is it. [National Domestic Violence Hotline] Woah. That was a long bonus scene. Well, Now here's a PSA. AND A PSA? YES. A PSA. You know what the fucked up thing about all this is, The Legend of Supacree is a true story. All of it. ALL OF IT?! ALL OF IT!? YES. Even the part about– YES. Especially that part. Woah. Damn. I think i'm gonna be sick. Shut up, Dillon Francis. No, but seriously– This is the story of how I got my heart broken so bad. YOU RUINED IT. So, so bad– I HATE YOU. That i started singing about it. NSA, totally *not spying* …are you hearing this. Yes. ILLUMINATI Check this out. Another one down. And how when you start making music– What is this. it's hoe math. And that music actually comes from a really real place. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. really real shit starts happening. You–killed yourself. well , to be fair–I lost everything first. Congratulations. Thx. Here's a skrillex. WHT. Kbye. Really, really, really. What, the fuck Dillon Francis, crawled inside of you to live and made it'self at home? Idon'tknow. What is in this sauce? Just–kill him. What, i can't just. Just kill him, while nobody is watching. Please don't kill me. Shut up, man. I'm having a thought process. Okay, that's it. FUCK DILLON FRANCIS. That's the spirit. THAT IS THE SPIRIT. IT'S THE HOLY SPIRIT. Who the fuck is this. It's–Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ? Jesus Christ?! JESUS CHRIST i'M BACK, MOTHERFUCKER. Wait, are you claiming that the second coming of the messiah is upon us?! YES. Well,Technically, it's the third. And it's all because of Dillon Francis?! I Please stop this HATE Help YOU. Fuck, dude. I know, huh. What did he DO. The third?! How did we miss that?! Uh, you didn't. [HITLER, being HITLER] (he was mad) Okay, that's it. You can't write any of this. Uh, I can. I just did. Technically, I'm dead: this is just a voiceover It's an 80's style PSA You can't say Hitler was the messiah. That's offensive. Everything is offensive. FUCK YOU DILLON. I'msosorry NOTYETYOU'RENOT. Wait, whatever happened to Skrillex. SKRILLEX is waiting outside of the alleged home of SUPACREE's “distant relatives” Lol is he for real at her mom's house. well , to be fair, he's like–looked everywhere else. Ur right. That was a lot of dimensions. So. like. Fuck, i didn't even have that much coffee. It just goes on forever. [DILLON FRANCIS STILL HAS HOTSAUCE IN HIS PUDGY LITTLE EYES] Good. Cause if I see the pupils, i'm wasting him. You think you can do better than this. Better than this? Yes. Yes. Then do it. Alright, is the PSA over? No, not yet. I gotta say one more thing. What is it? Would you ever have done it, Or would you ever be honest If you had, Handed her a lesson, Or a stretch of the past From the present moment, My heart, and my mind And my lover I present you this honor From now on to nowhere I no longer… Want to be near you Or to know you Or to hear you Or to fear you No longer… Want to feel you Or to touch you Or to have you Or to hold you Or to love you No longer, I no longer want you Devastating, A song stuck in my head for a whole world I wonder how long it would take to go back there A room full of actors, A manager, Never a backpack to wear Just a handful of hats, One director, Eventually producer Just now a showrunner Look at how long that took. I had to wonder what auroras in the north thought of someone like Sonny. They showed me. Now I can love you no longer So much for getting acquainted Funny what age equates to in ageless An infinite wisdom, I dismissed him, Nor, would I believe that he ever would hit her, but Some might belong in such a category Though i carry the marks and the scars Of what my once- husband did to me –but no longer. I haven't a heart in the world left But a broken one, made of amethyst. Fuck off, Dillon Francis. A calculated attack on my psyche. I like it a lot, But i'm fonder of sodom. WHAT. Are you saying you woul actually participate in an orgy! Oh GOD no! Oh, Good, cause– But i'd host one. WHAT. The hedonists are a fun bunch. Oh my God. Though, Nowadays, of course, I haven't the slightest idea what to call them. I saw the future. Well, obviously, if you've headlined EDC you've seen the future. I remember all of it. That must be awful. Why don't you remember it? Because i don't want to. Not at all. I did once. Then what happened? I hated it so much, i forgot. You forgot on purpose. I had to. Love, or Music. …Music. Love, or Fame. Fame. Okay, ouch. Love, or Music? …Love. Okay. Love, or Fame. Love. Okay. Love, or music? … Isn't that the same thing? Hm. Love, or Fame? ….Why do you keep asking me the same question. I beg your pardon? Why beg? I mean– What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, first you asked me, If would rather have Love or Music. Love. Music. Yes. In my mind, those are synonyms. Neither can really exist without the other. Okay, and Fame. Love and Fame are also synonyms– How so? Ugh, I just made this difficult on myself. It was always difficult. It really wasn't. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U. WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Yo My horizontal monster wants ya Could revert to vert, but lets keep Our options open Covert, __ My heart is broken No window open Who left the draft in –motherfucker My heart is broken I need a lover I need a lover Some one to hug me I need a hug, but And– I'm not fit to touch The hem of your garment The tip of your dick or fit enough to be your girlfriend I guess i'll just have to live with that When I have an itch, I scratch it myself I made the assumption you can't, And moved passed it But something's been calling me out, from the past Something's been calling me back to the magic I can't get around that Do you hate me? I can see that I'll just make my way back to the beginning Though I'm envious And i pity her, The both of you really There's nothing left between us except Insanity//Infinity Kendrick Style Flow Don't key my car: You'll be callin collect! I got rearview mirrors in the back of my head Don't get up right now, son– Go back to bed I got kids all over, be pulling my leg! Luke, I am your Father! Oh My Oh My God On top of the Watchlist You make money off dope; I made it on craigslist Still be sniffin that coke But now i'm on A list I'm the greatest Ey Miss! I missed too many calls (Airplane Mode) I just started my day (Whole Workload) I might need a buffet (Like Whole Foods) Sashe, Pas De Bourre (That's a code word) No dance floor? Now you're done for My forte Four-to-the-floor Hardcore I drop bass on the encore Front row won't go But i'm already out the front door You don't know I just hopped inside the helicopter, or chopper, chopped broccoli in my cup That's supper; Sleep/ Wake then Surf's up In the morning When i got there (Coastal show, Shower, Then another club Encore Front row lined up I'm already at the front door They want more I'm too sore, for sure Off subject, I dropped in Harder than Paulie On my surfboard (Another code word) This is my world: Another club, Then I'm off for a monday Or somethin' Write another song At the buffet –Tales of a Superstar DJ Amen. Fuck! I didn't even get to watch desperate housewives! Don't fuck with her! She's a trained assassin! GET ON THE GROUND. NO! GET ON THE GROUND– OR I WILL SHOOT YOU! SO? IF I SHOOT YOU, YOU WILL DIE. OK? “OK”? YOU WILL DIE. YEAH, AND? Kind of frustrating hunting down somebody who already has a deathwish. What do you do with someone who has no fear of death. Give them life. I'm telling you, we probably shouldn't be doing this. *shrugs* You split yourselves into two entirely separate individuals at once, just so you could see whose dick is longer? Technically, three entirely separate individuals. THIS ISN'T FAIR. Do you ever think? Sometimes, but it's usually pretty gross. I mean about the implications of these things! You are the implications of these things! I split my soul ONE time into 8 BILLION or so individuals, before this even had happened. WOAH, WHAT HAPPENED. I'm giving you planetary confinement. What. You–can stay here. On this planet. No. It's racist–and primitive. No– And you're black. Please– I'm leaving. –don't– –and i'm taking your portal gun with me. YOU PUT A PORTAL ON MY FACE?! Genius. Incredible. I didn't think it would be a big deal. He has two! Okay, time for work. But i didn't even sl– Coffee. Ouh. … … — I don't think we should be doing this TIA We probably shouldn't. TAMERA We very much shouldn't. What are you guys doing. Nothing. SHh. Summoning the devil. It's not the devil. It might be. Hush. Is that a pentagram. Technically it's a star, with a circle around it. That's a pentagram. It's not a pentagram! Is that a ouiji board? NO. Yes. Let me see. Ugh! I wanna help. MEANWHILE. MORGAN FREEMAN enters an empty train car: Oh God, This. Yes it is! What!? Are you dead! Entirely empty, that is–besides SUPACREE. No, you are! Great, so you're dead! I'm–not dead. Is Bob Saget with you? I'm not DEAD. What about Fraiser? What? Kelsey Grammer! God rest his soul. SEE! I'm not dead– [beat, an eerie shadowy silence in the dimly lit traincar] I'm a Legend. What. I wrote that/ You wrote that. What. Ugh. Look. Morgan Freeman. [Morgan Freeman] I–am–like a paranoid schizophrenic, or something– So, who isn't?! It might be catatonic, I don't know–I got this whole dead-hand–thing–going on. What is that? I don't know. It might just be too much deadmau5. I don't understand. No, Morgan Freeman. I don't understand. Anything about this life. Or this world. The fourth dimension. I definitely don't know anything about that. You're in it. Whatever. Look. [Morgan Freeman] God, you have so many freckles. [Morgan Freeman] Look. I got problems. We all do! Nah, not like–Hollywood problems, I'm like, a real psycho and shit. Sounds like Hollywood. Everything sounds like Hollywood–because nothing is real anymore–everything is for the gram, the points don't matter–nothing actyally matters. At all. Oh? Oh. The train comes to a sudden halt, the lights dim theatrically. Not even this? [pause] He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golden pinata; You know who gave it to me? …Who? Got ya. He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golde pinata ; Fuck dude, i'm too tired to write this. But you kind of have to. I mean i don't have to. YOU HAVE TO. I–WHAT? YOU HAVE TO DO IT. WHY. BECAUSE OTHERWISE I DON'T EVEN EXIST; Then don't exist… I'M JUST A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN YOUR SHOW. Come on Drew, knock it off. Wait, is this Drew Carey, or Barrymore. Either or. That's why I didn't write the characters name. Well, which is it? It literally doesn't matter. Yes it does. Honestly?! It could be both! We just shoot it with both and keep whichever one we like better! But how do we know which is actually “better?” Just do it and mix it–cut it up together or something–I don't know! Cut takes! Cut Takes! Ooh, did someone say CUPCAKES. Don't mind if i DO. Well, I do! Why?! What's wrong?! Yeah! What's the big deal! I'm on a gluten free-thing Oh yeah? Keto. Or someshit. I don't know. Oh. Oh. So you don't want these No, I don't. And you wouldn't mind if I– Come on, man. So Good. Grow up. Hey man, i'm pushin 40. Well, I pushed 40–and it pushed back. Get your cupcakes out of my face. You're no fun. Hey! Aren't you that one guy from rick and morty. Formerly. Oh yeah! That's right! You were Rick AND Morty. Hence the name. Wow. Phewf. I heard about that. Yeah, me too. Sounds real bad, how that turned out. Such a shame. Speaking of shame– You're speaking, I'm snacking. That's not that clever. We'll work on it The point is, he's eating the cupcakes. That's not–wait a minute–hold on. What now? How are we ever gonna get these three guys in a room together. [Meanwhile, in another dimension–these three are tied up (read: bound and gagged) in a room together. –Let alone to agree to this!? SUPACREE removes the gag from the man's [JOSH PECK'S] mouth. I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS. That's what she said! Hey! That's not fair! I was never caught up in a scandal! The key word, I believe, is “never caught” That's two words! SHUTTHEFUCKUP. How many words is that? I WANT MY LAWYER!!!! For what? This isn't court. Wouldn't you want the police first? WELL THEN, I WANT THE POLICE. The Police are here. Wait, they are? Oh, thank God Not so fast. THE POLICE enter with full entourage. Introducing: The Police–playing their number one greatest smash hit! Groupies: Woooo! STING I hope you ladies bought the meet-and-greet package, if you know what I mean. *winks awkwardly* You know what I mean. Oh my God. Since you dudes love doing creepy dude shit, I brought some more notoriously creepy dudes to sing the literally creepiest song ever written about being a creepy dude. That's not fair. But it's funny. THE POLICE Begin to play ‘I'll be Watching You” –and they're gonna play it on loop until I get back with your other-dimensional selves so we can fix all this. “WE” “FIX ALL THIS” WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Nobody seems to know. “--I'll be watching you–” I was FRAMED. CUT TO a golden pocket watch, a wrist watch, a compass–it changes and morphs so quickly that it begins to seem to spin time itself into a whirlwind, until finally a portal opens up from within his hand–a portal which quickly devours him entirely, morphing him into Fuck, what the fuck happened after that Idk I got off the train I guess This is really terribly written INT. SAM ASH MANHATTAN. DAY. A tiny conga for 90 dollars I could die in here Maybe I am just like you I find my way to the prettiest thing in the room And have my way with it Just for a few minutes Consume it, then move on Saw Madison dancing badly on Madison Avenue It's okay, You're a white girl So everybody loves you Everybody loves you Everybody loves you, no matter what you do. As for me, I can't say when I'm going through But you couldn't do it, Madison That's as bad as being at a standstill at rush out in Manhattan With enough practice I could buy everything in Sam ash And make my own band with it That's the plan at least— But I been having a long death And the afterlife isn't as after as everybody says it is Don't hold your breath, Unless you're re

america god love jesus christ music new york amazon health new york city trust father hollywood earth man house los angeles moving hell mexico young speaking canadian building dj creator writing devil focus coffee holy write forever mom funny police plan tales utah greek dead record alive grammy fame mayors heroes humans wake dark rain stuck matrix straight switch happy birthday member math cat adolf hitler broke finish letting go billion incredible vegan gurus wear genius honestly hole distractions throw orange gotta lol complex hungry fuck proud soft congratulations amen anxious loud logic providence harder excuse membership counting yellow similar gross apology psa awkward ir doc shut siri grammy awards copyright shazam shenanigans beverly hills pages get out bach keto nah cosmos ludwig van beethoven whole foods shower forgot hades dudes illuminati ka pay attention progression signature thousand encore rick and morty fucking voodoo mm nsa underworld morgan freeman jimmy fallon technically autopilot bury annihilation petite hugs devastating hush nevermind ur consume equinox jk coastal kisses absurd acoustic tie handle handed lovin family guy star is born la croix irony montages hm duh nothin michael j fox diplo framed amit subscriptions rr idk only god nda jinx im m tits cupcakes skrillex obsidian edc covert keisha hahaha beeps augmented oh god mmm benz ew oh my god aw copycat careless shhh dammit vinegar deadmau5 midtown kaskade good one marty mcfly lemme raves summoning metadata gazing horus thx edx pasquale collateral damage lmfao mistrust moog moo whole foods market kelsey grammer stop it carved dillon francis gawd motherfuckers drew carey shitting hah cyanide awww aww 1d ext uhhh eucalyptus shh god is real josh peck fangirls barrymore uhh serato he said end credits captain crunch gimmie windex fraiser commercial break control room uhm minnie riperton god yes fuck it ahah oreo cookies god not jesus look icee come undone watching you god right what the fuck cdjs i hate you lost lands probably not wht get fucked it hurts rekordbox carless minnie ripperton ouh shredded wheat lookie ahaha curving lampshades honey smacks you will die vip vip dj world by chance this is my house oh come on who did this you're dead to me phewf wheeeeeee

[DIEHARD.]