Film Frown

Can you bend a bullet like Beckham? Sure you can. Our friend Jen Garcia returns to talk about the misogyny that is Wanted. Grab some peanut butter and rats, forget Tyler Durden, get a robot bullet and listen to Paul’s Morgan Freeman impressions. As Jen described the film, “a back-to-back string of ‘wouldn’t it be cool if’ moments.” Enjoy the show as we audition lots of closing taglines. Find this frown-y film for your own eyeballs, if you dare. The trials and tribulations of finding a domain name not taken are discussed. It reminds us of an old SNL skit Paul calls this film The Matrix by Michael Bay. The writers of this film wrote the sequel to The Fast and the Furious and 3:10 to Yuma? Peter Bradshaw’s spot on review of this film. This film was only beat by WALL-E? Jen tells us that James McAvoy wasn’t the first choice for the lead. Paul says the film is a mix of blood and Thomas the Tank Engine crashing. Chris wants to cut Morgan Freeman from this movie into Bruce Almighty. Is this movie trying to do callbacks to Office Space and Mimi from The Drew Carey Show. This is the gruesome and ‘utterly ridiculous’ scene we keep talking about (a gun through a human head). They tried to bend bullets on Mythbusters. Hey everyone, the Loom of Fate is just the ASCII code. Huh? Why bend bullets when you can shoot around corners with a fancy gun? Jen and Chris agree that Crank is a much better ridiculous action film. We get into the geopolitics of the climate crisis and fast fashion because of the Loom of Fate. Paul suggests that our hero use his powers for good in the office, and bend paper, like in this 80s production logo. Paul says this movie is just Tomb Raider 3 for Angelina Jolie. The film has a twist within a twist and we wonder if M. Night was a production assistant on this movie. Paul hypothesizes that the Loom of Fate uses TC/IP to deliver the names. Jen says you have to unplug the loom and wait 15 seconds before plugging it back in. A character missing from the film that was in the graphic novel is someone made of excrement. Paul says his brothers went to see this film and all they remembered was Morgan Freeman saying, “Otherwise..” Watch A Knight’s Tale instead, says Paul. Jen says King Arthur was okay. Paul thinks this movie forfeits the Bechdel Test by not even having more than one woman on the screen at any time. Paul wanted this film to go full parody like Tropic Thunder. We have no idea what “video” Chris wanted to share with Jen and you listeners, so enjoy some Dolph Lundgren facts. There you have it. A film you should avoid, Unwanted. Thanks to you for tuning in and listening. Thanks to Paul for recording and our amazingly fun and hilarious guest, Jen Garcia! Like a bad sequel, we will be back sooner than expected. Support Film Frown on Patreon

We’re back and protecting the world from bad movies, like Megaforce protects… wait we watched the movie and we’re still not clear on what they do. Paul & Chris invite Arden and Jacob on to discuss spandex, 80s car chase films, and a campaign to make the thumb kiss a thing. We are also introduced to the Grease Cinematic Universe. Find Megaforce on a streaming service near you. Should you dare. Megaforce performance via Box Office Mojo. And the rankings for that year. Arden reminds us that this film has a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. This film is part of few attempts for stunt man turned director Hal Needham to have another Smokey & the Bandit. Oh hey, Dictionary.com has a definition for “Moose Knuckle.” It would seem Edward Mulhare was typecast in only science fiction and fantasy. Arden is frustrated that Michael Beck from The Warriors was in this movie. Actor Evan C. Kim reminds Arden of Caveman movie starring Ringo Starr. Paul reminds us that Geico actually got a TV show out of their Cavemen commercials. The infamous B&W composition notebook. Playing Burt Reynolds in this film, Henry Silva. Jacob reminds us that skydiving is not a tactical thing, but simply recreation. It is fair to say that Michael Bay Hal Needhams better than Hal Needham. Honestly, we want to skip this bad green screen and watch the Supergirl Ballet again. Barry Bostwick’s co-star is Persis Khambatta from Star Trek: The Motion Picture. This film is from Golden Harvest productions. The Raymond Chow and Golden Harvest Era. Jacob reads us sections of the Wikipedia page for this film. It is so laughable that it played a part in him choosing to watch this movie. While some may say Barry Bostwick’s best film is Rocky Horror Picture Show, Chris argues for another film. Behold the trailer for FDR American Badass. Dear Nic Cage and Bruce Willis Arden says Barry is coming for your jobs. It’s your favorite Low Rider Nic Cage Scene. We are all still hungover from watching that Neil Breen picture and that was 2 years ago. The A-Team disclaimer was short and to the point. The Megaforce one is boring and long-winded. A Thumb Kiss from Barry Bostwick. Oh no, they are really trying to make this happen in the movie. If you do not pay the FX team, they will take their toys back and leave your motorcycles in the sand. Barry changes into some Buck Rogers in the 25th Century inspired clothes. We still cannot get over Edward Mulhare playing the same character as he played in Knight Rider. It’s a motorcycle film, should it be remade with Tom Cruise, middle tooth man? Coy and Vance Team America was based on Matt Stone and Trey Parker’s love for Megaforce. One of the director’s first jobs was on Skidoo, another Film Frown movie. Introvision was used in UHF (a past Film Frown movie), Army of Darkness, Adventures in Babysitting, and Driving Mrs Daisy. The skydiving scene was not Introvision, but Zoptic. The deep dive into Geronimo! Sauron makes a guest appearance in the movie? Always remember Jacob’s hat is like a shark fin. The original Adama, Lorne Green sells dog food. More interesting than Megaforce is Spock’s Brain on VHS. Remember when you see someone wearing Spandex shout “BOSTWICK!” Thanks for listening! Stay tuned for more bad movies and if you want to help us pay for our website hosting, and now the Zoom subscription, please see our Saucey Patreon. Support Film Frown on Patreon

So the key to getting a Neil Breen film means going to the source. In keeping with our spy movie season, we followed the instructions on the site that said, “If you want a film other than Fateful Findings add the title to the comments section.” We asked for Double Down and paid the man for the DVD. Here we are reviewing what came in the mail, Fateful Findings. We were joined by Jen and Arden, reuniting the Masters of the Universe crew. “Basically the movie is so bad that when there is some clarity, it sticks out to you,” says Jen. Arden says, “If it wasn’t for Film Frown, I never would have been exposed to stuff like this. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.” Lamenting that we didn’t just watch Supergirl again. If you need a Fateful Findings drinking game, it’s here. Is Breen the next Tommy Wiseau? We are all so confused. Even a movie called The Never Ending Story has a plot! Paul recommends you watch the film on 1.2 speed and Arden said he kept fast forwarding 15 seconds and nothing changed. Where did these sounds come from? Lord of the Rings or Star Trek IV. We share how uncomfortable we feel for the other actors in the movie when Neil is undressing them. If you were in the film, you can find help here. The hospital scene confounds us. A breathing apparatus over the bandages, carpet, and a stretcher that would look old on Marcus Welby, M.D.. Doing show notes is hard when I’m laughing. Did I miss something? Neil Breen’s character can do magic if you don’t watch him. It’s like the Invisible Boy from Mystery Men. Neil Breen does product placement for Hefty? Jen points out all the production companies listed see the bottom in the credits are actually Neil Breen. Chris offends Starman. Chris reads Neil Breen’s official summary of the film to see if this is the movie they watched. We talk about continuity. It’s important and completely missing here. Jen struggles to compare The Room to Fateful Findings. Paul calls the film “a Vine but longer.” While Paul and our guests are not to sure about labeling this as so bad it is good, Chris wants the film to become the traditional graduation gift for students. Jen thinks this could be an excellent De Beers-like conspiracy. Arden had to stop watching the film and cleanse his palate with The Toys That Made Us. Oh my, Jen throws down the gauntlet and says her most hated film is Lucy. Arden feared she was going to say, Now You See Me 2. Jen says American Psycho did the plastic room better. The first rule of Hefty room is? Thanks for listening! Thank you to Arden and Jen for joining us. Support Film Frown on Patreon

Our season of spy films continues with this very strange parody. It’s 1967 and those Bond movies are making money, let’s jump in on that. Well, the first thing we need is a Connery. Hey, Sean Connery has a brother. Let’s call him? Does he act? Does it matter? Our friend Jacob Cook returns for this episode and we’re wondering if he’ll ever return. This is a bad, bad movie. As Paul says, “The main character’s super power is knowing what the hell is going on.” The film was originally titled, Operation Kid Brother, but in some releases it is called OK Connery because they just gave up on trying to be clever. What’s in the briefcase in Pulp Fiction may be a better discussion than this particular film. According to Wikipedia, the Moneypenny actress made more money for this than all the other Bond films. The Italian Dudley Moore? It’s Alvaro Vitali. And he’s not in this film, or it might be funny. Jacob compares this film to the last parody we watched with him, Our Man Flint. Neil Connery was a plasterer and an affordable Connery. Our hero practices the secret Tibetan art of hypnosis. Paul wonders if it is related to Calgon. Chris confuses Terrence Mann with Terrence Malick. We here at Film Frown apologize for this mistake, Mr. Mann. We love Critters and do not enjoy the sleepy films of Malick. Seeing the portable projector in the film, Chris says he’s 5 years sober from his addiction to woot!. Jacob quotes Insane Clown Posse for the first time in his life we’re guessing. “Magnet’s, how do they work?” The crime syndicate is Thanatos, not Thanos. While Paul says the music in the film is overpowering, Jacob points out that it was made by famous composer Ennio Moricone. Let’s avoid getting in trouble with copyright, but we’ll have a line referencing Ian Fleming. It confuses us all and we discuss this a lot. “Pull the levers!” is this movie’s “Blankets!” Curiously, United Artists released this film and the Bond films. So did they reuse the outfits in Starcrash? So in this film, Neil Connery is Scottish and does not, at all, sound like it. In Highlander his brother plays a Spanish character and does not, at all, sound like it. Thanks for listening! Thanks to Jacob for watching this atrocious film and teaching us the Dolph Lundgren nipple tolerance theory. Next up, a Neil Breen film. Support Film Frown on Patreon

Spy season continues with Weng Weng, international little person of mystery. A parody of the Bond franchise, For Y’ur Height Only brings us quick and dirty filmmaking and a script that just gives up at some point. “Hey, it’s a parody, do we need to explain this or that? Nah.” This week we’re joined by friend and regular Arden to talk about this Filipino martial artist, his film, bad edits, repetitive music, awful stunts, worse dialogue, and nipples. Show notes usually contain references to characters, people, films, or jokes we make about the movie we’re reviewing. There’s not a lot of notes for this film because it is just BONKERS. Arden, Paul, and Chris are lost in the script by Cora Caballas or the dubbing possibly done by Dick Randall. We learn that Verne Troyer was actually shorter than Weng Weng. Arden continues to drop history on us as we discuss Weng Weng’s ties to his karaoke buddy Imelda Marcos. The John Woo slide. We have to apologize for the all the talk about peperoni nipples this season. This film and Masters of the Universe had lengthy scenes of men without their shirts on. There’s no shame in nipples or shirtless men or podcasts, right? Sadly, Arden that is not Cesar Romero in this Filipino film. Hey, my dialogue needs something extra. What can I do? How about a nursery rhyme? So there’s actual dialogue in the film from Rub-a-dub-dub in a gangster scene about drugs? Weng Weng will Have a Coke and a Smile. Is it a Manila Coke or the evil New Coke? Look at me, I’m Mary Frickin’ Poppins, y’all! The best James Bond film, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, starring George Lazenby is referenced in Erma’s death. So, it’s bad. Can we watch another one though? D’Wild Wild Weng? Paul wants to know if the thumb-high-five is a cultural thing we don’t understand or a Tim Cook and Bono awkward moment. Chris shares the story of why Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter has never been on the podcast. What about Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter? A film that was successful as parody of a cult classic and has become a cult classic itself is Black Dynamite. Michael Jai White’s next cult send up that is coming out is called The Outlaw Johnny Black. Random Lou Diamond Phillips reference. Paul’s favorite movie of the season is still Masters of the Universe. Thanks for listening to our mouth sound effects and we send you all virtual thumb touches. Until next time. Support Film Frown on Patreon

A dancing, swinging, good time on this episode because Chris has quit the synopsis. So guests Jacob & Sean dive right into this film to talk Mormon spies, a harp as a weapon, the distinct varieties of bouillabaisse, and the island of misfit Canadians. In this film the title character is played by James Coburn who is playing Flint as Spock. Paul adds that this is Spock in the love planet episode. Sean says this film is way better than Murderer’s Row, the last film we asked him to watch. It has happened, we broke Jacob with Our Man Flint. The sequel to this film is Austin Power’s favorite film. Chris is waiting for the future these 60s films promised. Where are the pneumatic tubes? The organization bent on taking over the world reminds Jacob of E.V.I.L. from Spongebob Squarepants. Also, who knew there was a SpongePedia? “To the computer!” Everyone ran to UNIVAC or more precisely the women who program it, Hidden Figures for real. Well, in a movie from the time. Flint can do anything! A kick ass Jesus figure. Remember when we watched UHF? Here’s a trailer from that film for Gandhi II. The “incredulous” claim that this movie is the basis for Rain Man. An Automan reference that only Chris gets. Every movie needs a Hans Gruber? It’s Devon from Knight Rider playing Devon in this film, but he’s a bad guy? Bland villain is bland. The supervisor programming women to be “pleasure units” is Mr. Whipple? Say it isn’t so! This movie was premiered in Jamaica and reviewer Pauline Kael thought that was the only reason this movie received positive reviews. Not going to lie, Jacob is obsessed with Jodorowsky. He always brings up The Holy Mountain. Is he challenging us to watch this? Obviously Zardoz stole the “programming” scene from Our Man Flint. BLANKETS! Darwin Deez has this music video made entirely from stock footage. Directed by Keith Schofield. Sets, logos, and other designs from this film are used in the TV show Land of the Giants. Thanks for listening! This was a tremendous amount of fun thanks to Jacob and Sean. Check out Jacob on Twitter or his Slowne.ws. You can find Sean on Twitter and read his musings on open source and decentralization projects over at We Distribute. Support Film Frown on Patreon

Paul & Chris fill another request from our friend, and guest Daniel J. Hogan. Joining us on our quest to save Castle Grayskull are Arden and Jen. On this show we decide Superman hates whales. We puzzle over He-Man carrying a rifle. Sweat-filled boots make choreography difficult. This episode is 16 milliparsecs long, or something. Intros done in a bad commercials from the past style. Here come the 80s via Dan, “Where’s the beef?”, Reaganomics, and “Just Say No” with Clint Eastwood. This episode’s film stars Dolph Lundgren “and his nipples.” What’s Frank Langella doing in this picture? Oh hey! It’s the principal from Back to the Future, actor James Tolkan. He’s from Michigan like our hosts, slacker! Other stars are Meg Foster from They Live! Courteney Cox, Tom Paris from Star Trek: Voyager, Robert Duncan McNeill and our favorite Billy Barty. Dan tells us how DC’s New Gods may have influenced the film. What no sequel? No worries, we’ll just tweak the script. This is how we got the Van Damme film Cyborg. Arden was all about the character Teela because actress Chelsea Field was a Solid Gold dancer. Let’s forget about this awful film and watch The Toys That Made Us or Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films. He-Man is not allowed to kill people. So, we get to see storm troopers and lasers instead of swordplay or scary Legend characters. Is the slippery nipple named after Dolph? Speaking of our star, he is ACTING! Dan points out that Courteney Cox’s character is going to leave their small town and move to Jersey. He wonders if this is a Dancing in the Dark reference. Snap has the power, not He-Man. Here comes a She-Ra reboot by Noelle Stevenson of Lumberjanes fame. Synth music is the key to the universe! We know because we’ve watched a better movie, Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Oh no, Paul gets into his Southern lawyer, chauvinistic robot voice from our Starcrash episode. Skeletor has THE GLOW. Paul’s comment about “laser nipples” reminds Chris, about a certain music video. Yup, save yourself some time and watch this music video, it’s basically a 3 minute version of the film. The robots swear in Transformers The Movie. Avoid the Noid! Dan tells us the actor who played Saurod was the Noid. Pons Maar, the Noid, was also a puppeteer for Dinosaurs, a favorite for some on our panel. That’s it for this episode, each of our wonderful guests put on their space thongs and rode off on their hover boards. Thanks to Jen, Dan, and Arden for such a fun time. And we’re grateful that you took the time to listen. Good Journey! Support Film Frown on Patreon

Friend of the show and the intelligence behind Clattertron and Foxes & Boxes, Daniel J. Hogan suggested this week’s film. Surely he’s chose it out of some sort of patriotism because it stars the commander in chief, Ronald Reagan. Oh, it also stars a chimpanzee. Pet Sounds Radio host Sarah Hoyles kindly joined us as well. We didn’t learn until the day of the show that she rarely watches films with animals! It was a pleasure to see things from her perspective. We hope you’ll listen to learn more. Don’t worry if you’re falling from an 8 story building, the Browder Life Safety Net will certainly break you in much more interesting way than the ground. Sarah reminds us of The Bear. Sorry for the spoilers, but it is 30 years old. Let’s not hurt animals in film Leonardo DiCaprio. Who is the moustached character in the photo? Is it Rappin’ Ronnie? Our show is not brought to you by 23andMe. Instead, we’re funded by listeners like yourself. And our moms. Chris thinks this film is a precursor to Three’s Company. Meanwhile, Dan points out that it may actually be the predecessor to Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. Bonzo is to be sold! What? Can’t we make money in the Iran-Contra affair instead? Chris steals a joke from Noises Off and it gets awkward. Dan reminds us, as does the film, to study our Freud. There’s a sequel? Oh no, Bonzo Goes to College. Bonzo was played by Peggy the chimpanzee. There’s a nice page here on this beautiful creature. Dan shares this wisdom from actor Dick Miller, if a chimp gets aggressive, bite him. He heard this story on another podcast, but their archives are behind a paywall. Tippi Hedren, the mom of Melanie Griffith, founded The Roar Foundation to provide sanctuary for mistreated exotic animals, educate the public and advocate for legislation. The insane trailer for Tippi Hedren’s film Roar. As it states, no animals were harmed in making the film but 70 of the cast and crew were. The 80s film that was far more than teenage angst, Project X, with Matthew Broderick and Helen Hunt. Movies from the past are an insight to the culture of their time. Eww, that Elivs film we watched. Can’t stop, won’t stop watching Leave It to Beaver. Dan suggests a few podcasts, Star Wars Minute, The Dollop, and The Adventure Zone. Congrats to our guest Sarah for joining the Entertainment One podcast network! Thanks to you for listening! You can find us wherever you get your podcasts, Google, Apple, or your favorite apps. Be sure to check out the amazing Pet Sounds, we guarantee you’ll love it! You can find Sarah Hoyles on a number of social networks. Also, find our friend Daniel J. Hogan’s work on Clattertron.com. Again, he’s on a number of sites, just follow the previous link. And remember, never give or sell your chimps to Yale. Support Film Frown on Patreon

You’ve heard of Bond, but what about Matt Helms? When your friends start taking the Bond movies in a direction you don’t like, you go out and buy the rights to another spy novel, of course. Dean Martin plays the hero in this drunken series of a spy films. They’re like spy film lite. Sean Tilley joins us to talk 8th grade biology, quitting villainy to make toy models, and Bond’s alcoholism problem. Join us in our hovercraft with projected scenes in the windows as we get saucy with Dean Martin. Oh look, a misogynist trailer for the film! A A Ron! Sirius Stuff was falsely arrested before they actually caught Sirius Black. Murderers’ Row is the second film in the series, the first was The Silencers. This film and You Only Live Twice largely influenced Austin Powers. Is this a comedy? Paul says at least he knew Doctor Goldfoot and His Bikini Machine was. Sean believes the B.I.G.O. headquarters is something from The Holy Mountain. While Paul thinks set pieces are borrowed from Forbidden Planet. “Juicero tried.” We get a lesson in Mod. Oh hey, Dean Martin’s character “dies” just like Bond in the last movie we watched, You Only Live Twice. The bad jokes abound so much that characters seemingly ignore Dean Martin like he’s Al from Quantum Leap. Is Karl Malden your Pollyanna villain or Chris’ Jack Klugman. Hey, when your dad’s the star of the film you can get your band, Dino, Desi & Billy in the picture. Dean Martin’s blocking during scenes, when he’s not talking, is basically the male gaze. Ironhead is actually Bender? He blows fire! The dancing style has confused us all, including Dean Martin. The parade float dress made of flowers with, yet another crazy, crazy dancing scene. Is Ironhead Inspector Gadget, perhaps? A Knight Rider reference? Yes please. Chris shares his love for Mom and Dad Save the World. Behold the light grenade! Why do we like Dean Martin more in Cannonball Run? Sean thinks this bad film is no The Room. Is it Mike Myers or Michael Myers, we always get those two deadpan comedians confused. That was it for go-go dancing bombs and rat pack references. Thank you for listening and thanks to Sean Tilley for watching this film with us. Will he be back in Our Man Flint? Support Film Frown on Patreon

Like James Bond in this 1967 film, we’re back from the dead. As Chris returns from a mental health break, he challenges his sanity and that of Paul and guest, Arturo. This lack luster Bond film is so bad that even Connery vowed to quit afterwards. Should you be brave enough to watch the 007 film yourself, here’s a list of available sources. Or, Arturo says fly to Mexico and buy a copy of the film from Roger Moore and Sean Connery in a supermarket. Just watch out for the trap doors. Child author Roald Dahl wrote the script. As Paul said, “That explains a lot about this film.” Arturo was on our Montreal Sauce Halloween special. The James Bond Formula is a thing. Pervy Chris admits that his favorite Bond was George Lazenby in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. Paul wants to cut the beginning of this film together with Gravity, or to have the astronaut pull an Iron Man like Mark Whatney. Space is dark according to this movie and The Expanse books. Did you know there is an Outer Space Treaty? The first scene with Bond has an amazing mix of racism & misogyny to truly disgust you. Did you know there’s a movie cars database? Sure there is and this is the 2000GT Aki drives. The Rock’s grandfather plays a henchman who Bond beats awkwardly with a couch. Arturo’s opinion that Bond drinks too much on the job has validity. Bond hits the chair like Riker. Does Connery play Bond in Zardoz. Paul does his Connery impression and Chris tries using Connery’s line from Dragonheart, but he sounds more like Brian Blessed. Little Nellie was an actual production model helicopter, the Wallis Autogyro. So are all the henchmen evil and it’s okay that they die? It’s the Clerks debate. Dr. Claw must be inspired by this film. Ninja school didn’t have a pommel horse for the Gymkata. So the “rocket guns” in the film are a real thing. They were stoked to have their product in the film. Too bad it was a terrible invention. Connery becomes Spock? Oh, no. It is much worse than that. When swimming from an exploding volcano hideout, you need a hat like a shark fin. Who will be the next Bond? Arturo says maybe Michael Fassbender. Paul compares Bond to Kirk from Star Trek. They are from a similar period and are a similar archetype. Arturo and Paul now want to watch a good Bond film, GoldenEye. Thanks for listening to a lengthy show! Thanks to Arturo for joining us. Perhaps he should do the recap instead of Chris? His impression of Roald Dahl pitching the film is much shorter and hilarious. Stay tuned for more spy shenanigans this season. Up next is Dean Martin as Matt Helms in Murderer’s Row. Support Film Frown on Patreon

Nope. We’re not watching the cheese-filled CBS show, we’re watching Helen Slater fight Faye Dunaway in a very strange film from the 80s. arkOS creator Jacob Cook and the talented artist & developer Jen Montes join the guys to review a piece of super hero history, Supergirl. Chris watched way too many documentaries like You Will Believe: The Cinematic Saga of Superman to prepare for this show. Meanwhile, Jen watched Supergirl religiously as a child. Like Superman III, Supergirl was panned by reviewers. Also, it did not do well at the box office. Note the poster on the Wikipedia page. There’s something wrong with the Statue of Liberty. “Look at the British Peters!” Shouts Paul. Meaning O’Toole and Cook. Why is that Brenda Vaccaro looking so familiar? Chris live tweeted his viewing, the new version of show notes. Chris confuses who gets shrunk into who in Innerspace. And is this where Kara’s city is? Paul thinks the pocket universe is the inside of Zardoz’s stone head. Paul wonders if the spaceship flight is inspired by 2001: A Space Odyssey. Jacob thinks this can’t be anything but a space dildo. Chris thinks Faye Dunaway is wearing the Cybill Shepherd collection from Moonlighting. Jen says “the flying ballet” scene is to remind us that she’s a girl and we all cringe. What’s America like? Truckers. Matt Frewer delivers the worst dialogue as a trucker in a scene where Supergirl meets Max Headroom. We don’t like these writers very much. Jacob wonders why all the A&W product placement. Even on rapist truckers. Next on Law and Order: PZU (Phantom Zone Unit). Gardner guy is also the douchey guy from the first Die Hard film. Paul says there’s more magic in this film, but it is way more boring than Doctor Strange. Paul compares the lengthy flying scenes to the very long Star Trek: The Motion Picture. We have no budget so we’ve dressed all the bad guys like their from THX 1138. Is that a morlock in the Phantom Zone? Nope, it’s Peter O’Toole! Jacob suggests no one can replace Faye Dunaway in this film except maybe Tilda Swinton. Chris argues making the film even worse with Melanie Griffith. Jacob recommends that listeners watch Labyrinth. Then, he says we should review it on the show. Hmm… Jen says you need to check out Barbarella. Paul says he cannot make a better recommendation and jumps on this, well. Chris suggests Electric Booglaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films. In the time since we recorded this, Jacob has launched an awesome way to get your arkOS on, with his new hosted service Skylark. Jen can be found on twitter or github. Thanks to both of them for all the laughs. It’s probably our longest show because we spent 24 minutes laughing. Stay tuned for next season. It’s right around the corner, by the time we post this! Thanks for listening. Support Film Frown on Patreon

We love Spielberg, we love aliens and fedoras. How could this go wrong? On this episode Paul & Chris are joined by their better halves, Tina and Colette. So does the film hold up to the lego game? That’s the big question. Can you use Square Cash to transfer money between Canada and the US? Hmm. Nope. Crystal Skull came out in 2008. BoxOfficeMojo lists it as 3rd for the year, below The Dark Knight and Iron Man. This film is actually above Wall-E and Twilight. WHA? The biggest film shot in Hawaii since another film we reviewed, Waterworld. Of course, hands down the best Hawaii film we’ve watched is Hard Ticket to Hawaii. This is not the Mitchell-Hedges skull, yo! It’s like ALIEN! For your entertainment, real-time searches of the The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, Sean Patrick Flanery and River Phoenix on air. Such wow! Are we watching American Graffiti? Between all of Chris’ coughing, Indiana Jones jumps the shark in a stolen Tardis. Paul educates us on the history of nuclear weapons testing. The only movie star who has talked to us is in this film! We’re super excited to know Ernie Reyes Jr. is on our screen. Ants dislike Cate Blanchett. Always do your CG in the dark. Don’t do it in the light, Golden Compass. Just stop. It’s a quiet group on the podcast because the movie isn’t that awful. One exception: them Shia Labeouf scenes like the Shia-monkey. Our take overall, this is an entertaining film. As an Indiana Jones film it is bad. Thanks to our biggest patrons, our wives for joining us again. For more of Tina and Colette check out Harem Scarum. Interested in sharing an opinion about next season check out Chris’ post and let us know what you think over on Twitter. Support Film Frown on Patreon

On this bonus episode Chris thought he was throwing a softball to his friends, the cult classic Dolemite. A recognizable so bad it is good staple, right? Well, not so fast. Mad Dragon & Spike Matthews have less than flattering things to say about Dolemite. Perhaps this is why they’re not using their real names? Of course, there are few characters in the film that have real names. We’re looking at you Creeper. What is this PMOG? Michael Keaton, Pierce Brosnan & Tom Baker walk into a bar… There’s a sequel? Yup. The Human Tornado. Who is Dolemite? Rudy Ray Moore. Spike thinks one of the cops looks like John Cleese. Spike also wonders if Shatner attended the same acting school as the folks in this film. Our reviewers have issues understanding English while discussing Jet Li, so Mad suggests we talk in Greek. Spike says anybody who thinks early Doctor Who sets & props are rough, should have a look at this film. Spike says that every time some says “Dolemite,” he hears catamite and sets the tone. Dolemite looks like Simon Cowell with his high-waist pants. Sorry, it’s a sign of your age. Spike wonders if one of Dolemite’s girls is a Mohel? Instead of a Dolemite sex scene, Mad would rather watch Twilight. Mad compares the gun play in Dolemite to the lack of anyone getting shot in Star Wars. Hash tag: #DolemiteShotFirst Mad wonders who is the audience for a Blaxploitation film. Mad schools everyone in The Quiet Man, “a perception of an ethnic group by people who have no connection with the culture.” Mad says a better film to watch would be Blazing Saddles. Lip sync is terrible in the film and it reminds Spike of Top of the Pops. He mentions the “Martha’s Harbour” incident. Dolemite performs The Signifying Monkey. How big is Dolemite’s bow tie? Here’s an estimate. Chris wonders why kung fu is so terrible in the early movies, like The Octagon. Our reviewers debate the loyalty of the club employees much like the Deathstar contractors discussion in Clerks. If your name is Spike and you want the Dolemite soundtrack. Chris says the kung fu in this film is like watching marionettes do the Matrix. It reminds Spike of Joe 90. That John Cleese cop looks like Kriss Kross with his backward jeans. The Mad TV “Dolemite” sketch. Mad recommends Tangerines. Spike suggests that you watch Spirited Away. Thanks so much for listening! We really appreciate it. We also love feedback, so let us know how we’re doing on twitter or iTunes. We’d love to hear from you. Support Film Frown on Patreon

In the cozy warmth of their homes in December, the boyz team up with Daniel J. Hogan of Clattertron.com to throw a house party. Err, that is to watch House Party. I was just Kid’n Playing with you. Want to risk watching it? Amazon Video iTunes All else fails? Try canistream.it. Bullworth is a “rap’ movie? Paul wants this soundtrack on The Last Dragon. Dan has recently enjoyed Straight Outta Compton, bought the N.W.A. album with the same title and wants this soundtrack, yo. Hip Hop Family Tree is a suggested comic you should read. Chris & Dan cannot recommend Cool As Ice enough. They are totally down with Vanilla Ice. The late, great Robin Harris is “Pops” in this film. Wait, are we watching Pee-wee’s Big Adventure? Paul & Chris are getting matching sweaters like Kid’n Play from the Gittin’ Funky video. Chris has a Youtube playlist of more old hip hop tracks he had the cassettes or singles of, click at your own risk. The film’s villains are the group Full Force. They have great professional names, way better than the character names in the movie. Oh look! A very young Martin Lawrence and Tisha Campbell-Martin from that TV show Martin(1992). Dan says we need to add Reagan’s Bedtime for Bonzo to next season’s Film Frown. How different would this movie be if it was written by Tennessee Williams? Pops wants to watch Dolemite, the forefather of bad movies. Don’t break your nose doing this dance move. Here’s a how-to. Oh hey! It’s Lou B. Washington from UHF. Red dyes are evil! Why does that cop look familiar? Barry Diamond The graphic sex scene is disturbing in a different way than the one in A Boy and His Dog. George Clinton is the DJ at the elephant graveyard party. Who is the better actor, Christopher “Kid” Reid or Christopher “Play” Martin? Daryl Mitchell from Galaxy Quest was part of a rap duo? Another great performer in this film is John Witherspoon, from Friday, The Boondocks and Black Jesus. There is no drug use, no smoking, the one guy drinking is made fun of and absolutely no hanky panky without birth control. This movie is actually pretty responsible. That explains why Kid’N Play had a cartoon as well. Oh no, Dan remembers the awful that is Hammer Man. Magic shoes? That’s not 2 legit. At your next cocktail party, be sure to challenge someone to a dance off. Everyone loves the scene where Robin Harris is talking to the police (NSFW). Dan teaches us what CPT means. What’s the deal with those burglars in the film? It’s the producer and director. The most amazing voice of Fats Williams gives advice about not getting raped in prison. Dan thinks this is a good movie, but no From Justin to Kelly. Meanwhile, Chris kept thinking he was watching Class Act. Dan plugs the Capital City Film Festival as he was volunteering for them. Thanks to Dan for joining the show! He’s 2 Hype. Be sure to peep his web comic, Clattertron. Thanks for rolling with us and listening. Please check out our other podcast, Montreal Sauce and enjoy doing the Kid’N Play kick step this week. Support Film Frown on Patreon

This week a TV movie crushes a group of reviewers that has already been beaten down by so many bad films this season. The cherry on the top of this steaming pile is The Hoff! Armin & Arden join your hosts and discuss a movie Marvel would like to forget. Also, forget David Hasselhoff, one of the costars is actually named Ron Canada! Arden is in love with the Swedish villainess, Viper! The Hoff says he’s a better Nick Fury than Samuel L. Jackson. What’s your job? “I write only super hero movies. All of them. Good or bad.” Arden points out in Commando Schwarzenegger has a nice house & is doing well. In contrast, The Hoff in this film is working a mine in the Yukon? Armin mentions this Key & Peele sketch about a retired military specialist that highlights the cliché. Of course, he can’t watch that clip because it will only work if you’re in the States. Thanks for nothing, internet. The spokesperson for collagen, Lisa Rinna. Everyone loves The Hoff. Chris believes even K.I.T.T. must have hit on him in Knight Rider. Chris thinks this movie is all kinds of Stargate SG-1 gone wrong. Paul says, Babylon 5. The British character in the film is the “comic relief,” and the actor was really happy to do it. He says so in this old article. The guys get in a discussion of other bad movies you’d watch instead of this one. Which is worse, this movie or Batman & Robin? Armin believes Ron Canada is the affordable James Earl Jones and calls him Mufasa. Gary in the chatroom thinks the only thing that could make the movie worse is Brendan Fraser. The henchmen are the Blue Man Group? Arden thinks the set from the baddies’ lair was stolen for the recent Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film. The villainess has obviously been through the A Clockwork Orange treatment and it didn’t work. She crazy. All of The Hoff’s best lines are in the Quotes section on IMDB. Armin says the mind reading scenes are just Action Essentials 2 plopped into the TV film. Armin also adds that he missed years of the plot of Interstellar on a restroom break. Arturo in the chat room reminds us of the great website, RunPee.com. For just such an occasion. The Hoff has been poisoned, but not from eating cancerous rats. Paul’s pitch for the new Oregon Trail: “Two of your party have died of cancerous rat poisoning.” Terry David Mulligan is recognized by Arden because he did a lot of Canadian TV shows. Here, he’s the president of the USA. We saw Gremlins so we’re going to steal this bit. Arden thinks the false ending with The Hoff & Lips on the Helicarrier could have been more Titanic-like. Wait, there’s a helicarrier? Yes, the Lego version is very expensive. Armin says this movie is better than Gymkata, but as bad Waterworld. Arden tells us the other movies that came out this year, The Big Lebowski, American History X and Saving Private Ryan. Generally, things started to turn around for Marvel with Blade and X-Men. Arden read Baywatch for the articles. Armin says you should watch Blade and Chris recommends Spider-Man. Arden suggests Spectre while Paul warns you to not watch Tomorrowland, ever. Since the film was so very bad, ignore it. Instead, be sure to check out Arden’s Prairie Noodle Shop and Armin’s webcomic, Biasedcat. Thanks to both of them for watching the film and reviewing it. Thank you for listening! Support Film Frown on Patreon

You see that title up there? That’s right, we watched Son of the Mask to celebrate Halloween. Armin joined the guys to review this legendary bad film. Well, he joined Chris. In a Film Frown first, Paul could not finish the movie. How’s that for a review? Dare to watch it? Buy on Amazon. iTunes And now the review: Chris & Paul claim to be part of the Q Continuum. Showing guests bad movies is the way they test humanity. Production designer on this film did a great job. Makes sense, his other films: Alien, Superman, The Empire Strikes Back, Raiders of the Lost Ark and An American Werewolf in London. This cinema stinker includes a decent cast of Bob Hoskins, Alan Cumming, Traylor Howard and Steven Wright. This film was nominated for a bunch of Razzies. Unfortunately, it lost to Jenny McCarthy’s Dirty Love. Remember The Chevy Chase Show? Of course not. Son of the Mask was a sequel to an 11 year old movie. In between, there was an animated series. Ben Stein is the only actor to be in both movies and the above cartoon. Who is the better Loki? Alan Cumming or Tom Hiddleston? The Adventures of Milo and Otis. Paul thinks Drew Carey would have been a better Jim Carrey replacement than Jamie Kennedy. All the action in this film is borrowed from the cartoons of Tex Avery. Jamie Kennedy was destroyed in reviews of this film. His coping mechanism was making the documentary Heckler. Armin’s take, Kennedy is no Carrey. The metaphor used, “Simba shouldn’t try to be Mufasa” via The Lion King. Kal Penn is also in this film. Is Odin renting space from Morgan Le Fay who was in a recent film we reviewed, Doctor Strange? Jamie Kennedy’s Mask is less of a party animal than Spuds MacKenzie. Nine Inch Nails performing Hurt vs. Johnny Cash’s version. In other words, make it your own. Hulk sperm from the Mask? The baby learns his hi-jinx from watching Looney Tunes on TV. Is that still on? Also the baby seems to know a pretty famous Exorcist scene. An archive of the Entertainment Magazine Son of the Mask article. Armin likens the film to Madagascar. There’s lots going on and really the Penguins could have their own film. The insane Mask hot rod. Roger Ebert’s review of the film. Why does the baby only use his powers when Jamie Kennedy around? Tribute to Michigan J. Frog? Paul wants a drama version where they lock this kid up like E.T. Recommendations Armin: Madagascar Paul: Thor Chris: Killer Klowns From Outer Space Thanks to Armin for joining us to watch this film (not so much for choosing it). Thanks to you for listening and reading this synopsis. Laters. Support Film Frown on Patreon

Chris & Paul were incredibly lucky to be joined by Darren Herczeg & Adam Dachis from Supercharged & The Awkward Human Survival Guide shows on the 5by5 podcast network. The cinema flavor sampled on this episode was Hard Ticket to Hawaii, a titillating adventure featuring useless bullets, inconsistent bazooka blasts and bad actors that make the co-star centerfolds look like Glenn Close or Julianne Moore. As Darren would say, “Aloha!” Adam will be starring in a West Wing reboot? Adam is a co-author of The Awkward Human Survival Guide . Darren’s amazing short, Tennis. You’ll love it. (pun intended) Chris steals his intro styling from Gilbert Gottfried’s Amazing Colossal Podcast! Adam says Gilbert Gottfried Reads 50 Shades of Grey is the best Gilbert thing ever. Chris rather enjoys that Cards Against Humanity sponsored Gilbert’s show once and ask him to read the Bill Pullman speech from Independence Day in lieu of an advertisement. Listen around 1:45, here. Director of the film, Andy Sidaris was the father of the “honey shot” in sports broadcasting. Darren asks if Dona Speiris related to Albert Speer? That will really kill the mood in your masturbatorium. Is that a non-little person version of Hervé Villechaize as a henchman? Adam shares that Florida warns people to wear long socks to protect themselves from snakes. WHA? Surely that will work as well as the duck and cover during a nuclear attack. Oh, hey! Why not get some snake protection leggings instead of long socks? Joe Bob Briggs interviews Andy Sidaris. Another interview shows Dona Speir with her arm around Andy while his wife Arlene promotes the movie. Apparently this film is a sequel to Malibu Express. The company uniform for the girls’ cargo business? Darren points out that this movie has not one, but two theme songs. You can sample one, here. The confusion of white people playing races other than white? It happens with the film’s villain. Also, Darren says see Emma Stone in Aloha. Is that Glen A. Larson’s real-life yacht? Darren compares Sidaris to Mark Cuban, who you may recognize from Shark Tank. Harold Diamond went to the kickboxing school of acting. The master class. The delivery boy is played by Sidaris’ son, Christian. Darren tells us you can travel to Cambodia to blow up a cow with a bazooka. Who is a more convincing woman? Adam, Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie or the character in The Crying Game. Hawkeye vs. Green Arrow, the battle no one really cares about. Chris wants a sequel where the snake has 36 hours to live and it’s in the same vein as Crank. You think the podcast is long? Imagine how the guests feel. Darren decides to draw while he’s bored (NSFW). Darren wants to hire Dona Speir Berman for his next project. Here’s her FB, Darren. Does Taryn suffer from upspeak? “We need more female body builders in film.” Except Chyna, of course. Cut and suddenly the bad guy has a knife and Jake is wearing shuko hand claws? We don’t recommend you cheat yourself of the viewing pleasure of this art film, but Paul did mention there are GIFs available at giphy. Thanks to Darren & Adam for taking the time to join Paul & Chris on a show that ended up being longer than the movie reviewed. Please check out their shows, The Awkward Human Survival Guide and Supercharged. Of course, thank you for listening. If you’d like to support the show, please see our Patreon page. Support Film Frown on Patreon

This week, Chris & Paul are joined by Daniel J. Hogan of Clattertron and Armin of biasedcat to discuss the only martials arts/gymnastics mashup film ever, Gymkata. Armin actually filled in for Dan on the Waterworld episode. Dan shares a story about going to the movie theatre to see that film. Suck it, boring Apollo 13 movie! Dan just finished The Martian and we’re all excited to see the film based on the book. Chris thinks you may be more interested in watching Gymkhana. This film came out the same year as The Last Dragon. There was tough box office competition in 1985 like Teen Wolf, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, Fletch and Goonies. Number 1 in 1985? Back to the Future. Wait, why are there ninja’s on the poster? The film stars Olympic gymnast Kurt Thomas. Armin wants Michael Phelps to star in a Waterworld reboot! Thomas was nominated for a “Worst New Star” Razzie, but lost to Brigitte Nielsen. Villain Zahmir, played by Richard Norton was also in The Octagon. Dan educates the reviewers on hockey legend, Mario Lemieux. Armin is confused by the fact that Reagan nicknamed the missile defense system, Star Wars. Dan reminds us that Robocop lampooned the defense system idea in a brief news segment. Gymkata is based on The Terrible Game by Dan Tyler Moore. Princess Rubali is played by Tetchie Abayani, actress and Playboy model. Why are we introducing all these weapons when he never uses them in the whole movie? Don’t they know Chekov’s gun principle? The director of this film, Robert Clouse also directed Enter the Dragon and Game of Death. Eddie Murphy on Elvis(NSFW). The Khan looks like he just came out of Fiddler on the Roof. Here he is with his daughter in Gymkata. Dan suggests that we watch No Holds Barred. Our hero’s nurse. Dan and Armin think that this is a proto-Hunger Games. Movies recommended on this episode: Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom, The Cutting Edge, Bloodsport and The Maze Runner. Thanks for giving us a listen! We really appreciate it. And, special thanks to Armin & Dan for taking the time to watch the film and do the episode! Check out biasedcat.com & Clattertron.com to support them! Please subscribe using the feed on this site or iTunes. Rate us on iTunes or share us with friends! Support Film Frown on Patreon

Everybody loves Marvel movies. Even the ones from the 70s? Our previous guest, Christian joins us to discuss the marvelous sets & mustachioed acting in this TV movie that hoped to launch a series. The abundance of reviews online for this film is startling. Here’s one that has some history about the production. The new Doctor Strange is due out in 2016. Jessica Walter plays the villain. You might recognize her from Arrested Development and she’s a voice on Archer. Hey! We talked to someone who works on that show. Clyde Kusatsu plays Wong and wins the “I recognize you from everything, but never knew your name” award. Wait, are we watching Doctor Strange or Welcome Back, Kotter? John Mills is the aging wizard passing his powers to Doctor Strange. Listeners may recognize him as Professor Quartermass. Wow. There’s a lot of bizarre music in this film, some great, some terribly sax-y. It’s by Paul Chihara. Is the super villain’s “Master,” Dormammu or Sam the Eagle? Christian gives us the lowdown on the real origin story of Doctor Strange. Über is not a sponsor and don’t trust Google self-driving cars to get you to your polling place to vote. Doctor Strange started off in split books, says guest Christian. First, he teamed up with The Human Torch and then Nick Fury before he got his own comic. The film within the film is Abbot & Costello meet Frankenstein. Wong is always monkee-ing around with Doctor Strange. The Shatnerian School of Acting. What other characters has Peter Hooten portrayed, besides Doctor Strange? Clea is a student who was possessed by evil & Strange wants to save her. Well, in this TV movie anyway. In the comics, it’s a different story. Um, really? Chubbie is an appropriate label for kid’s wear? Does the ancient one have the glow? We have a female lead as a super villain, but the film fails the Bechdel test because she has the hots for Doc Strange. Instant Mr. T bling. CBS was hoping to turn this Doctor Strange pilot into the next The Incredible Hulk TV series. Battlestar Galactica(1978), the show built on showing the same space dog fight every episode. What would the future TV show have been like? Paul & Christian want the excellent drawings to begin each show like the leap FX in Quantum Leap. Interested in watching this old film? Paul says train yourself by watching old Doctor Who episodes. After a long day on the astral plane, you need a hot bath, if you know what mean. So thanks for listening! Support Film Frown on Patreon

Listener favorite Arden returns with more kung fu! He joins Chris and their fellow movie buff Geraldine on a special episode recorded during the summer break. While Paul slumbered in his hyperbaric chamber, the 3 intrepid friends attempted to sit through a Chuck Norris film, The Octagon. Arden gives a shoutout to star & martial artist Ernie Reyes Jr. who joined our chat room in a previous episode. Should we watch The Big Brawl some time? Chris & Geraldine recently went Turkey Shoot to watch Snakes on a Plane. A very bad film featuring Farrah Fawcett and disgustingly old Kirk Douglas as lovers in space? Ew, just ew, Saturn 3. The Octagon also came out the same year as Xanadu. What’s exactly going on in this film? Arden wonders if we’re watching Naked Lunch. Geraldine is pretty sure that Chuck Norris wrote the Wikipedia page for The Octagon. Master of picking up ladies, the character A.J. is played by Canadian actor Art Hindle. Chuck’s fighting style lacks, style. “I hit you. You fall down now.” Chris is missing Jet Li. Oh hey! Look it’s The Master, Lee Van Cleef! And there’s a very brief Ernie Hudson. It’s Seikura, not Shakira, Chris. What a great character actor, Tracey Walter. Seikura’s main bro is like an imperial royal guard from Star Wars. Ninja ranking in the film seems to be based on flair? By this rationale, Liberace is a grand master. It’s like an episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos, all Chuck does is hit people in the privates. Look out! Shakira has Kusarigama! Arden wants to watch Caveman. Chris watched Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films and wants to see Invasion U.S.A.. Arden recommends The Delta Force and Geraldine says listeners should check out Barbarella. It was a lot of fun to get together in the same room, watch the film and record the show. Though, we missed Paul’s trademark hilarity! Be sure to check out one of Arden’s projects, Prairie Noodle Shop. When the restaurant is complete it will be worth the trip to Edmonton. Trust us! Support Film Frown on Patreon

For the final show of the season Arden and another kung fu film! Though, Paul will argue that it’s not a kung fu movie, but a terribly long 80s music video. Either way, the guys are obviously having a fun time reviewing it. Oh, and there’s a single person in the chat room during the live show. It sounds sad to have only one person, but he’s one of the film’s stars! JOKE’S ON YOU, REST OF THE INTERNET. Interested in watching this piece of cinema? Choose your flavor below: Amazon Instant has it in glorious SD! Google Play iTunes Youtube On with the show: Once again, Arden brings us a movie to review. Previously, he brought us Revengeofthe.ninja. We learn that M.A.S.K., Mask and The Mask are all different films and television shows. Chris is fascinated with Berry Gordy’s Wikipedia page. The Last Dragon is ranked number 33 for the year in 1985 and look at the movies below it. Clue, Weird Science and more. There’s a Road House play? Get your fan site on because you need the glow. The villain is played by the late Julius Carry, who is simply amazing. Lots of recognizable faces in this film, William H. Macy, Rudy from the Cosby Show, Chazz Palminteri and this guy who is in every mobster film. Vanity’s 7th Heaven is…well, watch at your own risk. Not one, but two songs in this film were nominated for a Razzie. Arden compares Vanity’s dance in the 7th Heaven video to Prancercise. An actor from the film, Ernie Reyes Jr. shows up in the chat room during our live stream of this episode. Chris recounts the experience here. Chris is frustrated because he can’t find the Suki Yaki Hot Saki Sue song anywhere for purchase. Paul blows the minds of the others when he points out that Leroy’s master is just regurgitating fortune cookie wisdom throughout the entire film. Hey! He’s right. Ernie Reyes tells us from the chat room that his dad Ernie Reyes Sr. was one of the baddies in the club fight scene near the end. Who’s Leroy’s dentist? He does great work. As we wind the recap down, Ernie Reyes Jr. shares a great insight from being on the set during the final scene in the movie. Have a listen, we can’t spoil it here. We discuss 80’s music vs. boy bands and Arden dares Paul to watch Breakin and Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo. We discuss other possible movies to watch and Ernie suggests a few from the chat room, like Surf Ninjas. Then hilariously he says, “Why is my whole career films that can be on your show?” Thanks to Arden for joining us on a very funny show. Check out the restaurant he and friends are creating on twitter. There’s a blog for Prairie Noodle Shop as well. Of course, we need to thank Ernie Reyes Jr. for popping into the chat room. You can find him on twitter, @erniereyesjr. Finally, we have to thank you the audience for indulging us and listening. Support Film Frown on Patreon

It’s the 80s and we love shopping because it’s totally rad! The only thing better than going to the mall is working there! Like wow! In this episode Steve returns to help the guys review the robot morality tale, The Chopping Mall. Tough one to find for streaming & the rights have passed back and forth between distributors. You can buy the DVD on Amazon if you wish. For no reason whatsoever two characters from the film Eating Raoul are in the opening? One of our party girls/heroines is Kelli Maroney who is also in the 80s classic, Night of the Comet. Hey! It’s the smart kid from Head of the Class & two of the Karate Kid films. Meanwhile, Steve is lost in the lingerie department. We are fascinated by the amount of skin flicks director Jim Wynorski has made. We learn that character actor Gerrit Graham made $600 as a player in this film. Steve is enjoying the 80s hair. “8 pounds of Aqua Net.” Chris wishes that actress doing a striptease was humming “O Fortuna”. Dick Miller from Gremlins is our grumpy janitor. Certainly the key to stopping the killer robots is, “Klaatu barada nikto!” What the hell is with these lasers? How do they work? This mall has gasoline, propane, M16 rifles, auto parts and a paint store. The film within the film is Attack of the Crab Monsters and it may actually be better than this one. 1986 was a monster year for film. Short Circuit, the non-slasher robot film finished 21st above Pretty in Pink. Steve recommends Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Thank you and have a nice day. Support Film Frown on Patreon

Two words, Kevin Kostner. Now you know why we’ve watched this film. Armin Mortazavi, one of the awesome people we met during the Montreal Sauce podcast live from CDM graciously joined us to experience Waterworld. Where can you watch it? (Or, avoid it?) Buy the Blu-Ray Or stream it: iTunes Amazon Here’s our notes, although be warned, they got wet and were hard to transcribe: Water is expensive. In 1995, this was the most expensive movie to date until Titanic was made two years later. Batman Forever made more money than this film at the box office. Yet, Waterworld finished above great films like Braveheart and Outbreak. There’s a live Waterworld show at Universal Studios theme park? According to Wikipedia it was award winning and ran for 10 years. This film is bold in its world-building, but cartoonish like a USA Up All Night movie, something like Hell Comes To Frogtown. Armin drops science on us. Why not convert sea water to drinking water instead of urine? Who does Kostner think he is, Chris Hadfield? Chris calls the film Von Dutch Punk. There’s lots of lipstick in the dystopian future for Jeanne Tripplehorn. Michael Jeter speaks his own strange language in this film, much like in The Green Mile. Is it recycling or Soylent Green? Dennis Hopper is our satirical villain and sort of fun. Baymax in Big Hero 6 has more dialogue than Kostner in this film. When Chris berates the little girl’s drawing, Arturo in the chatroom chimes in to ask, “How many opportunities does one get to draw on a Waterworld. Armin says Kostner is taking Tripplehorn to Futurama’s old New York. The guys are confused that people don’t remember dry land but do remember Captain Joseph Hazelwood. Kostner does the rear axle movie trick to an airplane? Paul wonders if Waterworld is the sequel to Zardoz. Armin’s review, “I don’t even know why I am watching this?” Chris says this is no Space Truckers which is not saying much. Lots of fun lore included on the imdb page and Wikipedia page for this film. Armin suggests that you watch Blade Runner instead of this film. If you see have seen Waterworld, Paul suggests that you watch Armageddon and pretend Michael Bay directed both. If you haven’t seen it, watch Splash instead. Chris suggests Damnation Alley for your post apocalyptic needs or The Incredible Mr. Limpet if you’re into fish-people. Thanks to Armin for joining the guys. Check out his “cartoon endeavors” at biasedcat.blogspot.ca. Hopefully, we can get Armin back if he wasn’t scared away by the Kostner film. Support Film Frown on Patreon

Last season we ended the show watching Revenge of the Ninja (http://revengeofthe.ninja/) where guest Arden chose a random page number from Videohound’s Complete Guide to Cult Flicks & Trash Pics. The idea was that we would watch a film from the page he chose. What luck! On that page was Weird Al Yankovic’s UHF Where can you watch this film? And for once we recommend it. Buy the Blu-ray 25th Anniversary edition. Stream it on - Amazon iTunes Coincidentally, there probably aren’t any UHF stations where you can watch UHF. Check your local listings! This episode we’re joined by Sally from Sallyannk.com. During the episode she talks about the upcoming One Spark competition. As of posting this show we know she placed 9th in her category! Chris appeals to Cracker Jack to sponsor the show. UHF had heavy competition in 1989. We decided that Weird Al needs one of Sally’s beanies. It’s a good price, get one for yourself! Paul’s first cassette ever? Alapalooza. The film has an amazing story when it comes to its video release. Check out the “Legacy” section of the Wikipedia entry. Supposedly the movie was loosely based on The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, a Danny Kaye film based on a short story. Ben Stiler stars in the remake. You do not have permission to use a real oscar in your silly film! So here’s a bashful, gold statue. Everyone needs a Nash Metropolitan. The undisputed king of sandwiches. Weird Al builds a mountain of mashed potatoes a la Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Is that the Inspector Gadget villain again? Victoria Jackson shows up in the film. She sticks to her lines and thankfully doesn’t accuse Obama of being a communist. Crispin Glover was offered the role of the janitor, but turned it down. They also tried to get Christopher Llyod. Michael Richards from Seinfeld is crazy young and one of the best parts of the film, the janitor. Chris thinks Fran Drescher looks like a Swatch watch in her dress. It’s a Film Frown alum! Billy Barty is the camera man at the station. We saw him in Harum Scarum. One of the great surrealist comedians, Emo Philips has a hilarious bit in the film. The Spatula City commercial entertains us all. The movie says it’s time to show a Weird Al video. Beverly Hillbillies. Chris loves Weird Al’s take on Wile E. Coyote and The Road Runner. Wheel of Fish? No you don’t get a clip because we’ve already spoiled enough in these notes. Trinidad Silva is amazing in this film. His character has an “animal kingdom” TV show on the public access station Al manages. Unfortunately, he died in a car accident before shooting ended and the film is dedicated to him. “You get a drink from the fire hose!” That’s the iconic line and scene from this movie. Where does the “We don’t need no stinkin’ badges!” line come from? The book The Treasure of the Sierra Madre and its 1948 film. Weird Al parodies The Geraldo Rivera Show. In the TV station there’s a Thing With Two Heads poster. The bizarre but lovable bum in the film was played by Vance Colvig Jr.. He was one of the first Bozo the Clowns. Of course there has to be a Rambo parody. Anthony Geary from General Hospital plays Philo, named after inventor Philo Farnsworth. Weird Al’s character is named George Newman in a nod to Alfred E. Neuman the mascot of Mad magazine. Sally wants more Weird Al movies. We found these interviews he did for the Nerdist network. Where’s the commentary in streaming? If you’re interested you can find some commentary in films using VHX.tv to distribute digitally. David Cross’s new film Hits has an option to get bundled extras. Paul also mentions that iTunes has Extras available for some films as well. Sally choses another page from the cult movie book! Next season we have to watch Tower of London, Top Secret! or Touch of Evil. Stay tuned after the ending theme song - we do some bonus talk about Weird Al trivia and copyright, as well as catch up with Sally’s adventures in up-cycling / recycling / repurposing goods through hand (not mine) crafting. And a double-bonus track at the very end, Paul talks with his daughter Evie just before the show starts. Thanks for listening! And thanks for taking time to join us again, Sally! Up next, 1995’s Waterworld. Support Film Frown on Patreon

Look at all the amazing comedians in this 1968 film! Surely, it must be hilarious? You’re first clue that the assumption is wrong? We’re watching it for this podcast. Adjust your listening EQ settings on your audio device from pop to Carol Channing and have a listen to the episode. No streaming of this steaming pile. Watch this film (at your own risk), on Amazon. The cast: Groucho Marx Carol Channing Jackie Gleason Frankie Avalon (who isn’t Frankie Valli) Cesar Romero Slim Pickens Mickey Rooney Burgess Meredith Peter Lawford Richard Kiel (Jaws from the Bond films) Richard Donner (Exidor from Mork & Mindy) And on with the show! Dan & Chris heard of this film’s awful reputation on Gilbert Gottfried’s Amazing Colossal Podcast! Otto Preminger directed this comedy. He sounds like an interesting character. He desperately needs an editor. Reviewer Vincent Canby of the Times wrote a devastating critique. Guess who was on set? Roger Ebert, who shares another look at the Otto & his process. It’s the sixties, so Gleason can’t get away with beating his wife anymore so he pistol whips a hippie. The movie of Batman villains. (Preminger, Romero, Meredith, Gorshin) Carol Channing is a proto-Big Bird. Dan get’s a haircut because of the poster that goes around a corner. Everyone gets their Reagan impression on. Well… Gleason sneaks onto Alcatraz & Dan suggests you visit the park yourself. Austin Pendleton is really great in this film. You may remember him from My Cousin Vinny. Who can do Carol Channing impressions? Ryan Stiles of course. Frank Gorshin plays The Man. No riddle, he’s just The Man at Alcatraz. Is that the apartment from Dcotor Goldfoot? God, Groucho Marx, plays bumper pool with his mistress. Groucho is also part of Gleason’s acid trip as a loose screw, get it? Paul wonders how secure Crazy Hippie Encryption is and Dan answers, “420 bit.” Old men pretending to trip on acid. The garbage song must have inspired Stomp! This movie has a theme song and you don’t want to click this because it “drills into your head.” The best part of the film is the end, because it is over, but also ALL of the credits are sung. Gary Larson, creator of The Far Side, apologizes for making an Ishtar joke. Recommendations:Land of the Lost, Brain Donors and Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. Wake Up Ron Burgundy: The Lost Movie is a movie composed of sub-plots on the cutting room floor from the first film. Check out Dan’s site, clattertron.com for some rad web comics and thanks for listening. Rate us on iTunes! Thanks for listening. Support Film Frown on Patreon

This episode Dan Hogan & Sally Ann join us to celebrate the perms in space! Starcrash is a 1978 low budget wannabe Star Wars film featuring Christopher Plummer and The Hoff. What more could you ask for? Set your computer wave to monitor our friction trail and prepare yourself for some robot chauvinism. Watch the film (at your own risk): The bad news, a classic of such vintage is not really found streaming at the moment. There is a Blu-ray at Amazon though. You may also find it on Youtube. For how long? Only Akton knows. On with the teardown! Paul does the first Elle impression, while Chris does a horrible Church Lady. The sets remind Sally of the Farragut Film Studios that offer a tour of their Star Trek sets once a year. 70s films love public address systems. Our first perm, Akton played by Marjoe Gortner is also in one of Dan’s favorite bad movies, Food of the Gods. According to Paul’s research on the Starcrash imdb page all the dialogue in the entire film was replaced. Is this why everyone is so cheery? It turns out Elle’s voice, Hamilton Camp is also the voice of Gizmoduck from Darkwing Duck. He did voices for The Tick and many more shows. Chris wonders if Elle is short for Lolipop? He is an Android. Christopher Plummer IS THE EMPEROR. Dan tells us, “It’s not the Force.” So what are Akton’s powers? Limitless? Is it all about the full body perm? Sally & Paul think Akton could be a Time Lord. Ele beaten like the fax machine in Office Space. Is that Zardoz shooting lasers at the cavemen? Akton not using The Force, is also not using a lightsaber. Maybe? Dan thinks more movies should feature cavemen beatings. Unless of course it’s the friendly Captain Caveman. Best answer to how main characters inexplicably survive “We’re not like most people.” Why is Christopher Plummer in this film? His answer, Rome. Dan relates similar stories about why actors do bad films from Elijah Wood and Bruce Campbell. How Star Wars Episode IV should have ended. Sally was very excited to see The Hoff in “his pretty lady makeup.” Sally & Dan think this movie feels much longer than it is. Yet, they both felt that it was so bad it was good. Chris & Paul agree. Dan recommends Galaxy of Terror and Chris says you should check our Forbidden Planet. Sally needs more recommendations! Paul suggests Logan’s Run while Chris & Dan praise Attack The Block. How about Moon, The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, Tron and The American Astronaut. Thanks so much to our friends Sally Ann and Dan Hogan for joining us. Be sure to check out ShopSallyAnn.com and Clattertron.com respectively. Of course, thank you for listening. Support Film Frown on Patreon

On this episode Chris & Paul are joined by Jacob Cook from Citizen Web and the brains behind arkOS. The three shark wranglers are terrified of the future where elderly people are injecting shark brain juice. Jacob treats us all to a fantastic reboot of this film that we would all pay money to see. Want to watch this film (at your own risk)? It’s available for digital rental from the following services: iTunes Google Play Youtube Sony Deep Blue Sea is ranked 19 for the year of 1999 above Galaxy Quest, Three Kings and The Cider House Rules. Paul and IMDB tell us that director Renny Harlin “is the most successful Finnish film director.” He must be a national treasure for his work on Diehard 2 alone. Correction: Chris misspoke! Actor Thomas Jane is in the new (bad) film Vice. He is not in Inherent Vice. Paul decides Bruce Willis is himself, a movie trope. He also wonders if Michael Bay directed this film. Avengers unite! Saffron Burrows’ eyebrows, Samuel L. Jackson and Stellan Skarsgård are in this film prior to joining the Marvel universe. Nobody remembers Tattoo and Fantasy Island. Michael Rapaport has “the gift for gab?” The key failing of Free Willy? No Eminem. Chris is legitimately scared by this film. Zip drives are terrifyingly bad for your data. Jacob says the best actor award goes to the bird played by two actors. One did the parrot sounds and the other did the voice. Why isn’t Samuel L. Jackson going Snakes on a Plane on these sharks? Chris wishes Gilbert Gottfried played the parrot. A live listener who has a rad music blog called Anomaly wonders if the storm in the film is a Sharknado. The sharks destroy all the cameras watching them? Why can’t we be as smart as the sharks and stop giving our data away to corporations? We should use arkOS. How is that large window holding water back in this underwater facility? Is it transparent aluminum? Jacob & Neil deGrasse Tyson are having issues with the science on this film. This movie is no Jurassic Park. Close but no Goldblum. Paul is marketing LL On The Shelf next Christmas. Not to be confused with The Elf on the Shelf. It’s a revenge film like John Wick. Don’t mess with LL’s parrot. Paul thinks LL Cool J based his character on Inigo Montoya. This movie makes a “10 Best” list as well. 10 surprise deaths in blockbuster movies. The terrible secret of this film: the sharks have an eating disorder. The final shark death scene is reminiscent of Revengeofthe.ninja. Thanks again to Jacob Cook for joining the guys on this episode. Hopefully he’ll come back and do more. Or perhaps Jacob and a clever parrot can replace Paul & Chris? Support Film Frown on Patreon

Who can pull the sword from the stone? Will it be Paul, Chris, or Colette? What’s the creepiest way to say someone is pregnant? Also, what’s with that green light? “AND CUT!” Want to watch this film (at your own risk)? It’s available for digital rental from the following services: iTunes Google Play Youtube Hilariously, we had originally a link to Target Ticket in here, but apparently that service is no more. Let the commentary begin! Colette was immediately surprised by the adult scenes in this film having seen it on TV so many times. Paul can’t help compare this film to the Merlin television show. John Boorman, the director of this film is the same man who brought us last season’s favorite, Zardoz. Excalibur was a hit when it came out in 1981. Hey, maybe this isn’t a bad movie? The Hobo font doth not flatter ye, film. Nicol Williamson plays Merlin. He’s a similar character in the bad movie, Spawn. When you don’t hide CGI in the dark, you get The Golden Compass. Paul thinks the glowing green sword might be light saber like. Igrayne gives everyone an innocent dance & then channels Tawny Kitaen. Is Uther riding to the Duke’s castle on fog & lust or is this a TriStar picture? Clan of the Cave Bear Igrayne is played by the director’s daughter, Katrine Boorman. That’s right, dad is giving her direction in a nude sex scene with Gabriel Byrne. A young Captain Picard shows up in this film. He’ll be followed by other youngsters like Liam Neeson and Helen Mirren. Behind the Sword in the Stone is documentary about Excalibur that has not been distributed yet, but you can see an excerpt here. Live listener &!(bitandbang) enjoys the new tag line Chris has for the film, “Patrick Stewart jousts the hell out of some dude.” Is Merlin Rasputin or Yoda? Has Arthur entered the forest or the Dark Side Cave? “What’s that song?” wonders Paul. Live listener &!(bitandbang) answers, “O Fortuna”. Click that link to see a recap of the film and hear the song. The Cave of Time is no Cave of Wonders. The guys compare bad lines & shaky plot bits to Empire Strikes Back and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2. Boy Mordred is played by the director’s son, Charley Boorman who now does a lot of documentary TV. Chris compares the weird gold armor with nipples to the Joel Schumacher Batman & Robin bat suit. Lesson learned? You go into a room or tent and see someone you don’t expect in your mother’s clothes? Don’t ask questions, you kill that person! Listener &!(bitandbang) suggests we watch City of Lost Children. The final fight between Arthur and his son is going to be like a Mortal Kombat video game! It looks like a heavy metal album cover! Yet, it is completely anticlimactic. For a real end fight you have to go to revengeofthe.ninja from season 1. Recommendations: Star Knight, or perhaps some TV, Merlin. Support Film Frown on Patreon

It’s time for the better half of the podcast! That’s right, Tina & Colette join their husbands to watch an Elvis picture! Where would bad movies be without bad musical numbers? Elvis is the king, but in Harum Scarum he could have been replaced by a wet blanket and no one would notice. This film lacks energy, not to mention acting, plot and choreography. Want to watch the film (at your own risk)? You can purchase it on YouTube. Otherwise it’s so bad that it isn’t currently available on Amazon, Netflix or iTunes. Check canistream.it to see if things have changed since this podcast was posted. Tina’s favorite musical is Phantom of the Opera, while Colette enjoys The Pirates of Penzance. Chris shares that he is not a musical fan unless in cartoon form. Paul enjoys Les Misérables, not to mention when TV shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer decide to do musical episodes. This season, Supernatural did a musical episode as well. As the old Eddie Murphy joke goes (NSFW), Elvis sings all his lines because he can’t act. Colette points out that if you look up harum scarum on Thesaurus.com, the words listed are a pretty good review of the film. 3 songs in the first 6 minutes of the film? YouTube can give you a sampling of the songs & their silly lyrics. Billy Barty has a mostly non-speaking role in the film. Very common in his early career. You’ll recognize him because he’s been in tons of stuff. One of our live listeners, hollow, “swears they’re just picking random numbers” in the script. A country unchanged for 2000 years, and yet they have Islamic holidays like Feast of Ramadan? In today’s world, Hey Little Girl seems creepy because he’s propositioning a 7yr old girl. Though, our parents assure us nobody would have thought this was inappropriate when this film came out in 1965. Paul spoils Scooby-Doo for all the listeners. The fight scenes are part parkour, part Zoidberg and part Urkel. Tina says this film was bad and would rather watch A Boy and His Dog again. Movies recommended this show, Singing in the Rain, Goonies, Zardoz and The History of Future Folk. Currently on the Netflix is The Machine. Always a pleasure to have Tina’s quick wit & Colette’s perceptive mind on the show. See you next season! Support Film Frown on Patreon

This episode features Vincent Price, Frankie Avalon’s helmet hair and a very bad song from The Supremes. Thanks to guest reviewer Sally Ann for taking time out of her busy season to join us! Interested in watching the film? Peep it on Amazon. Watch on iTunes. On with the show! Frowner Sausages may remember Sally from a couple of Montreal Sauce shows, S2E013 and S2E014. (It’s not an insult, Montreal Sauce fans on Twitter chose the name Sausages, for themselves!) Sally shares movie memories from different genres, Platoon & Annie. Chris gets Casualties of War mixed up with Platoon. We all regret Oliver Stone, but love Willem Dafoe & Forest Whitaker. What are these beach party films? The awful theme song by The Supremes and the opening claymation credits by Gumby’s Art Clokey. That song is thankfully absent from an album in Chris’ collection, Spy Magazine Presents, Vol. 1: Spy Music. First cameo in the film is Killer Croc! Frankie Avalon plays Jack Tripper with his costar in backwards clothes like Kriss Kross. Before Gilligan and before Dr. Goldfoot, there was The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis. Chris drops some film terminology on ya, Mise en scène. If you’re not interested in the sequel Dr. Goldfoot & the Girl Bombs, perhaps you would like the TV show, The Wild Weird World of Dr. Goldfoot. WHAT? Some of the torture scenes were borrowed from other Vincent Price films, like Pit and the Pendulum. Sally & Chris agree that Michael Cera and Jessie Eisenberg are interchangeable. During the car chase, geography becomes surreal? Fans in Grand Rapids, MI probably feel the same way about the car chase in 30 Minutes or Less. Chris compares the film to Gilligan’s Island & Beverly Hillbillies while Paul nails it, describing it as a very long episode of Get Smart. Sally recommends Palo Alto as “the complete opposite of this film” we watched. Paul is excited because The Wizard of Oz has been remastered and looks gorgeous. Chris says you should check out the star-studded comedy, Noises Off. Thanks to Sally for hanging out with us. Check out ShopSallyAnn.com for rad hand crafted designs and sallyannk.com for tutorials and more information. Support Film Frown on Patreon

This show we review some 80s kung fu goodness. Get out your pen & paper, it’s time to count the number of bad stereotypes and the amount of times we say, “boobs!” Synthesizers, bad dialogue, karate kids and more synthesizers. This episode is a blast thanks to our guest, Arden. Interested in the film? Watch on Youtube. Watch on Amazon. Or cheap out and watch, Revenge of the Ninja in 4 minutes. It has all the great scenes covered, even the great pickup line, “If you want to workout, you forgot your pants.” “Lake-effect snow, ladies & gentleman.” Arden’s first movie memories revolve around horror films like The Deep, Alien and Friday the 13th. What’s a video tape rewinder? Let’s raise some money and get Arden a new Barbarella Laserdisc. What’s this Canadian Superchannel thing? Cartoon boobs? Kids will be kids and watch Heavy Metal. Fan site love for the actor in the film, Sho Kosagi. Playing his son in the movie is his real life son, Kane Kosagi. Trick editing, the secret of movie ninjas! Started by the early French master, Georges Méliès. Before Katniss was the Mockingjay, there was Sho’s family symbol which they proudly wear on their stealthy ninja outfits? Paul’s wife decided to stop watching this film when she saw the pirate bum, and started watching Salem instead. We all do impressions of Patrick Stewart getting a massage from Will Riker. Thanks to Wikipedia and Revenge of the Ninja we know what a Death Erection is. Keith Vitali is a former Karate champ and surely not an actor. We have Italian & Japanese stereotypes, let’s add a Native American named, Chief. He’s played by Don Shanks from The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams. Professor Toru Tanaka has been in lots of films. He’s a Professor of wrestling? The Village People are not in this movie. Arden schools us on caltrops. Kane Kosagi went on to continue starring opposite busty women in DOA:Dead or Alive, based on the exploitive (NSFW) video game. Better left in the childhood, Buck Rogers, Greatest American Hero or the original Battlestar Galactica. Recommendations: Kung Fu Hustle, Ong Bak and the ridiculous Chocolate. More recent Sho Kasagi? Try Ninja Assassin. Thanks again to Arden for joining us. Hopefully, he returns real soon to watch some more bad films with us. Support Film Frown on Patreon

This week we’re watching the uncomfortable 1972 film, The Thing with Two Heads, Heads? Steve Carlson joins Paul & Chris to review this film labeled incorrectly as comedy, scifi and horror. Spoiler alert: it should just be labeled bad. This film is produced by Samuel Z. Arkoff who Chris confuses with Dr. Zarkov from Flash Gordon. Steve shares that 7 time, Oscar winning make up artist, Rick Baker was the man in the 2-headed gorilla costume. Paul is reminded of Tropic Thunder when he hears the racist doctor in the film say, “you people.” They need a brain dead patient in the film. Too bad they couldn’t break the 4th wall and choose one of us audience members. Rosie Grier gets his own death march disco. One of the prisoners makes Chris think of his favorite Dolemite character, the creeper. We all agree the best line in the film, “Do you have two of anything else?” Paul, Chris and Steve recast the film for a remake. Will Smith & Mark Walberg, Chris Rock & Phil Robertson, Jamie Foxx & Jon Lovitz and a few others. Scroll down the Wikipedia page and learn The Arkoff formula for successful films. Suggested films Critters and Planet of the Apes. Thanks again to Steve for joining us! Support Film Frown on Patreon

Sean Connery in a red diaper? How could we say no to Zardoz, the 1974 film about guns & penises. We don’t need special effects, we have the power of pantomime! Joining Chris & Paul to review the film is musician Quoc-huy. Earliest movie memories for all 3 reviewers are Disney films. This of course, dates everyone since Chris & Quoc think back to 101 Dalmatians and Fox & the Hound, while Paul remembers The Little Mermaid. “The gun is good and the penis is evil.” Quoc says the film would be completely different had those items been reversed in that quote from the film. The fake god Zardoz dislikes the Breeders? You can’t believe the imagery we’ve described up to this point, right? Have a look at the trailer for Zardoz. Next year we’re submitting the giant stone head of Zardoz in Artprize. Sean Connery’s character is named Zed. Would that be Zee in American? (A lesson learned on the Montreal Sauce episode I Just Like Saying Dongle). Green bread? Is that Soylent Green? We compare the barn of apathetic people to the crazy village in Gymkata soon. Chris thinks David Lee Roth could make this film better. Projection & boobs apparently aren’t enough? Quoc breaks the dam and the Sean Connery impressions start. Sean Connery in a wedding dress is not as attractive as Grandma Ma, Larry Johnson. This episode is not brought to you by the NBA’s New Orleans Pelicans. Projection and boobs get boring after a while. We want an A-Team montage. Guns good- FIRE BAD! Is the set from Return from Witch Mountain or Enter the Dragon? Zardoz and Friend have a not so Top Gun moment. Is Zed’s son the Beastmaster? Hollywood loves remakes. We decide to cast the modern remake. We don’t have recommendations for other films on this episode, because you should probably watch Zardoz. You can find Quoc rocking out or jamming acoustically in Grand Rapids’ pubs or you’re invited to his bass player’s basement to listen to rehearsal. Find Chris & Paul on twitter or back here for more episodes. Support Film Frown on Patreon

On this episode we watch the 1975 post apocalyptic buddy comedy about sexual assault, A Boy and His Dog. Artist, writer and comedian Daniel J. Hogan joins Paul and Chris to review this talking dog picture. Hogan’s Heroes references have been approved. Dolemite is a movie that is so bad it is good suggested by Chris. Dan suggests The Room because it fits in the genre of so bad it is good. He also suggests the Japanese horror film, House. Don Johnson is the star of A Boy and His Dog. Of course we all think he’s the dog. The director is L.Q. Jones, who typically played the sheriff in every TV show in the 80s. The upbeat music in this dark film was produced by the same actor that does the dog’s voice, Tim McIntire. What is the name of the character Don Johnson is playing, Vic or Albert? Paul thinks perhaps Michael Vick. The first show and we’re already talking about the Fleshlight. Oh nifty, you’ve stumbled onto a NSFW Wikipedia page. Perhaps Blood the dog is a precrime dog & Minority Report is a prequel to this film? Jason Robards plays the antagonist, an evil Committee member. Dan recommends you watch him in Once Upon a Time in the West. Does Don Johnson’s dream come true in the movie? No, instead they hook him up to a milking machine. This movie was only missing robots, oh wait. So many more references in the show, from The Brady Bunch & My Little Pony to Asimov’s Laws and the “contractually required mirror universe episode”. Enjoy the show. Catch Dan over at clattertron.com, danieljhogan.com and follow him on twitter, @danieljhogan. You can catch all 3 of them in this December 2013 episode of Montreal Sauce. Support Film Frown on Patreon

Welcome to greatest adventure ever attempted by handsome, bearded men with audio equipment! Paul & Chris will torture, err invite guests to review B-movies, bad films and cult classics. This is an intro to get to know the guys, (if you’ve never heard them jabbering on Montreal Sauce) and the films that they will be sacrificing in the near future. Hey, what podcasts are we listening to? Paul digs on some TWiT and Chris just found Gilbert Gottfried’s Amazing Colossal Podcast. How do you listen to podcasts? Chris uses Podcast Addict on Android and Paul is using Overcast. The first movie we’ll be giving the business to is A Boy and His Dog. Is this the scifi Lassie or Old Yeller? Movie two: Zardoz. Yikes, where do we start? Watch where you put that fun finger. Dr. Goldfoot & the Bikini Machine starring Vincent Price. “It seemed like a good idea?” That’s the tag line for The Thing With Two Heads and no doubt what we’ll be saying about this movie choice. Is Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter worthy of watching? More than one person has suggested Gymkata. Chris saw the trailer for Big Ass Spider and is very curious. Chris thinks we might have to do an episode where we watch the film together and record. Perhaps we could use Rabb.it? Send suggestions for films to the FilmFrown twitter account. And of course, follow that account to stay informed about live shows. Support Film Frown on Patreon