Podcast appearances and mentions of brian doyle murray

Dana and Tom with returning guest, Joe Boukhari (Instagram - I'll Get to It When I Get to It; Letterboxd Film Commentator - @bagodonuts) revisit Caddyshack (1980): written and directed by Harold Ramis with Douglas Kenney and Brian Doyle Murray, music by Johnny Mandel, cinematography by Stevan Larner, starring Chevy Chase, Ted Knight, Rodney Dangerfield, and Bill Murray.Plot Summary: Bushwood Country Club: an opulent haven for the wealthy, where life revolves around pristine greens, exclusivity, and egos so inflated they could double as golf carts. But underneath the facade of luxury lies a clash of worlds—working-class caddies and eccentric groundskeepers versus snobby elites—and it's about to get hilariously out of control.Danny Noonan (Michael O'Keefe), a young caddy striving to secure his future, finds himself entangled in the club's tangled hierarchy, navigating manipulative judges, raucous millionaires, and life lessons from Ty Webb (Chevy Chase), a laid-back golfer with pearls of wisdom that sound like they came from a Zen koan written by Groucho Marx. Meanwhile, Carl Spackler (Bill Murray), the quirky groundskeeper, engages in an escalating war with a gopher so cunning it could win a philosophy debate.Add in Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield), whose outlandish behavior becomes a catalyst for chaos, and Bushwood transforms into the backdrop for a wild satire of class division, absurd ambition, and the universal search for meaning—through golf, naturally. The result? A comedy that skewers pretense and celebrates the unpredictability of life, all while leaving the audience wondering how a gopher became the most unstoppable force in the universe.Chapters:00:00 Introduction and Welcome Back, Joe Boukhari02:42 Cast and Background for Caddyshack06:19 Relationship(s) with Caddyshack09:12 What is Caddyshack About?13:54 Status of Comedy in Film24:48 Plot Summary for Caddyshack26:36 Did You Know?28:29 First Break29:26 What's Up with Joe Boukhari?32:02 The Stanley Rubric - Legacy45:03 The Stanley Rubric - Impact/Significance50:33 The Stanley Rubric - Novelty57:52 Second Break58:33 The Stanley Rubric - Classicness01:04:54 The Stanley Rubric - Rewatchability01:09:27 The Stanley Rubric - Audience Score and Final Total01:11:28 Remaining Questions for Caddyshack01:14:44 Thank You to Joe Boukhari and Remaining Thoughts01:18:17 CreditsGuest:Joe BoukhariInstagram - I'll Get to It When I Get to ItLetterboxd Film Commentator - @bagodonutsYou can also find this episode in full video on YouTube.You can now follow us on Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, or TikTok (@gmoatpodcast).For more on the original episode, go to: https://www.ronnyduncanstudios.com/post/caddyshack-1980For more on the episode, go to:

In 1978, after Harold Ramis wrapped "Animal House", the director teamed up with pals Brian Doyle-Murray and Douglas Kenney, along with Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, Ted Knight, and the one and only, Rodney Dangerfield, to bring similar frathouse shenanigans to the clubhouse. Featuring legendary performances (many of which were completely improvised) plus an equally memorable soundtrack, this 80s flick came barreling into theaters the summer of 1980, and went on to become one of the most cherished comedies of all time. Widely considered to be one of the all-time funniest comedies ever assembled, the film about a young golf caddy (Michael O'Keefe) desperate to win a scholarship and turn his life around has been listed #71 on AFI's 100 Years...100 Laughs and #7 on AFI's Top 10 Sports Films. So grab your golf clubs, watch out for gopher holes, and remember to be the ball as Tim Williams and guest co-hosts, Nicolas Pepin and Chris McMichen discuss “Caddyshack” from 1980 on this episode of the 80s Flick Flashback Podcast.Here are some additional behind-the-scenes trivia we were unable to cover in this episode:Cindy Morgan revealed that the oil massage scene with Chevy Chase was entirely improvised. When Lacy exclaims, "You're crazy!" that was Morgan's authentic reaction to Chase dousing her with oil, which was also the case with Chase's reply, "That's what they said about the Son Of Sam.”Writer and producer Douglas Kenney died after the film was released. He fell off a cliff while vacationing in Hawaii. Kenney had experienced deep depression after the film's post-production, as much of the original story had been significantly altered in the editing room, and he was strongly opposed to the final addition of the gopher to the film.Sources:Wikipedia, IMDB, Box Office Mojohttps://www.mentalfloss.com/article/56693/15-things-you-might-not-know-about-caddyshackhttps://screenrant.com/caddyshack-movie-behind-scenes-making-of-trivia/Some sections were composed or edited by ChatGPT We'd love to hear your thoughts on our podcast! You can share your feedback with us via email or social media. Your opinions are incredibly valuable to us, and we'd be so grateful to know what you enjoyed about our show. If we missed anything or if you have any suggestions for 80s movies, we'd love to hear them too! If you're feeling extra supportive, you can even become a subscription member through "Buy Me A Coffee". For more details and other fun extensions of our podcast, check out this link. Thank you for your support!https://linktr.ee/80sFlickFlashback

Andy Hoglund joined me to discuss finding out about SNL through Wayne's World and Comedy Central reruns; my getting tapes mailed from Canada by Bronwyn Douwsma; going to Boston University; studying film; doing a term paper about how the original cast of SNL embodies the baby boomers; working for Sen. Ted Kennedy; writing an article about SNL movies and it going viral; his copy of the Shales / Miller SNL book being autographed by almost 100 cast members; first, by Dan Aykroyd, second by Colin Quinn; writing for Vulture; being asked to recap SNL's episodes for Entertainment Weekly; Don Pardo; Johnny Gilbert; meeting a lot of ex-cast members through stand up; Christopher Guest only one to not sign; Harry Shearer; Steve Martin & G.E. Smith only non cast members to sign; season 6 cast members Denny Dillon, Patrick Weathers, Matthew Laurence; Don Novello's friendship with Francis Ford Coppola; Peter Aykroyd; Mark McKinney and his work on Studio 60; KITH Brain Candy; Season 11; Fridays; Robin Duke, Jim Belushi, Mary Gross, and Kevin Kelton; Billy Crystal was the only time he sent the book away to be signed; Dana Carvey; Robert Carradine; Michael Davis; MST3K and Joel Hodgson; Anne Beatts; Yvonne Hudson; Brian Doyle-Murray; Adam Sandler; how Lorne Michaels has changed; me getting my picture with him; Colin Jost & Michael Che; Shari Lewis; and our friendships with the late Dan Vitale

When Hazel's mom, Carolyne, requests Cabin Boy, you get on that! Nathanial Mayweather (Chris Elliot) is a snob and a real jerk. But, he is a fancy lad. After he boards the wrong boat, he is trapped amongst the crew (Ritch Brinkley, James Gammon, Brian Doyle-Murray and Brion James) who despise him. Nathanial desperately wants to get to Hawaii to meet up with his richy-rich father. Along the way, the crew pick up Trina (Melora Walters), and Nathanial is insta-smitten. With a little luck, this cabin boy will become a cabin man. RTS searches the seas for love and wigs. Hazel, Jeremy and Collin fight an ice monster and a giant. When you have a moment of downtime, sample some fish stick kitties. 

We had the pleasure of talking to actor, director, writer, and improviser, the great Joel Murray! Joel joins Jason to share some awesome stories throughout his career, from growing up seeing his brothers Bill Murray and Brian Doyle-Murray and other legends at Second City before becoming a performer there to meeting previous guest Dave Pasquesi in college. Joel reflects on his early days with Del Close, memorable roles in iconic films like 'One Crazy Summer,' and his experiences on TV shows such as 'Mad Men.' He also provides valuable insights into the craft of improv, emphasizing the importance of eye contact and genuine reactions on stage. This engaging conversation offers a deep dive into the world of improvisation and Joel's illustrious career. www.whoselive.com Instagram: @JoelMurray9of9, @ThereItIsPod, @JasonFarrPics  Threads: @ThereItIsPod, @JasonFarrPics Facebook: @ThereItIsPod  Subscribe to our comedy newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/e22defd4dee2/thereitis

Well, look at that, it's our 200th episode! We're celebrating by having a Christmas Vacation, courtesy of National Lampoon, John Hughes, and Chevy Chase! Also starring Beverly D'Angelo, Johnny Galecki, Juliette Lewis, Brian Doyle-Murray, Randy Quaid, William Hickey, Mae Questal, Miriam Flynn, Diane Ladd, John Randolph, E.G. Marshall, and Doris Roberts! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thegenxfiles/support

Has your Christmas season ever consisted of a squirrel terrorizing your family, a rusty eyesore flea-bitten RV parked out in front of your house, putting up so many Christmas lights you blackout the rest of the city, a SWAT team attacking your house during a kidnapping, etc., etc.? That's just what's in the stockings, not to mention what's under the Christmas tree, in this week's movie, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Thanksgiving is over, Black Friday black eyes are healing and the leftovers are stale so it's time to get some Christmas movies under our belt this season. Christmas Vacation was the Vacation franchise rebound from the utter failure that was European Vacation. Chevy Chase returns as the dim-witted Clark Griswold, who this time is just trying to put together the perfect Christmas for his family. It's a beautiful plan on paper until you put a guy named Clark Griswold in charge of it, and add in Cousin Eddie played by the perfect for the role, Randy Quaid. Of course Clark, as he always does, tries too hard and things get burnt, soaked, maimed, etc. You know, like your traditional Christmas. This movie is a go-to Christmas classic for many and it deserves a deeper dive into. So let's tear the gift wrapping off this movie and dig in! Christmas Vacation also stars Beverly D'Angelo, Johnny Galecki, Juliette Lewis, John Randolph, Diane Ladd, E.G. Marshall, Doris Roberts, Miriam Flynn, William Hickey, Sam McMurray, Nicholas Guest, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Brian Doyle-Murray and Nicollete Scorsese. Support the showFeel free to reach out to me via:@MoviesMerica on Twitter @moviesmerica on InstagramMovies Merica on Facebook

Well it isn't St. Patrick's Day, but we still have the luck of the Irish with us because today's Legend is Brian Doyle-Murray. The older brother of Bill Murray, Brian has carved our a fine for career for himself with work at Second City, The National Lampoon Radio Hour, Saturday Night Live, and a slew of classic comedy flicks including Caddyshack, Wayne's World, and Groundhog Day. He even voices a great character (The Flying Dutchman) on Spongebob SquarePants. Brian -- like his brother Bill -- is also an avid golfer, co-hosting a Murray Brother golf tourney, and being part owner of two Caddyshack Restaurants, one in Illinois and one in Florida. And to all of that we say "well played"! As always find extra cuts below and thanks for sharing our shows! Want more Brian Doyle-Murray? Brian joined SNL when the show was at a low ebb, but he still had some fine moments as in the SNL Newsbreak segment with Mary Gross. https://youtu.be/EyK5v_YmQrk?si=SRvrxFkWaoJBrr3U Caddyshack is one of the great movie comedies of the 80s and Brian has a fine turn as caddy boss Lou Loomis. https://fb.watch/vPd2A27BwW/ Brian had a juicy role in Groundhog Day as Buster Green, the master of the groundhog ceremony in Punxsutawny PA! https://youtu.be/dWLA3OavSgM?si=6iQJ0JU6a6SvMD-M In recent years Brian has become an sought after voice actor including a stint on SpongeBob SquarePants as The Flying Dutchman. https://youtu.be/lOdh2zKhufA?si=WJHU-96FBPOfe_tU

On today's episode, the guys review 1994's Cabin Boy starring Chris Elliott, Ritch Brinkley, James Gammon, Brian Doyle-Murray, and Brion James. Nathaniel Mayweather is a Fancy Lad of the highest order, but his world is turned upside down when he accidentally boards the wrong ship in an attempt to return to his pampered lifestyle. Now aboard a ship named "The Filthy Whore", Nathaniel must chip in his fair share of the workload as their vessel cruises through the fierce and unpredictable conditions of Hell's Bucket!Support the Show.Catch new episodes of the Where to Stick It Podcast every Tuesday and Thursday. If you like the show, please consider supporting us on Patreon where we upload exclusive content each month for only $3 a month.

“Caddyshack” (A Mumtidimentional Mixtape) {Enter The Multiverse} From Wikipedia: Caddyshack is a 1980 American sportscomedy film directed by Harold Ramis, written by Brian Doyle-Murray, Ramis and Douglas Kenney, and starring Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, Ted Knight, Michael O'Keefe and Bill Murray with supporting roles by Sarah Holcomb, Cindy Morgan, and Doyle-Murray. It tells the story of a caddie, vying for a caddie scholarship, who becomes involved in a feud on the links between one of the country club's founders and a nouveau riche guest. A subplot involves a greenskeeper who uses extreme methods against an elusive gopher. Caddyshack was Ramis's directorial debut and boosted the career of Dangerfield, who was previously known mostly for his stand-up comedy. Grossing nearly $40 million at the domestic box office (the 17th-highest of the year),[3] it was the first of a series of similar comedies. The film has a cult following and was described by ESPN as "perhaps the funniest sports movie ever made" SAUCE (IN CASE YOU MISSED IT) —- AHAHA. ITS ME AGAIN. OH SHIT! Oh shit, i guess it's Jimmy Fallon's Galaxy. Oh nooo. Oh, yes. Look at this penny. I see you. Now look into my eyes. I see you, Jesus. Ahahaha! Okay, now what? This shit is twisted I missed the shift of the dimensions— Till Jimmy walked in with his pennies For some cigarettes and swishers, Just to get the picture It's 5 AM again, And it's still Infinite, I'm disinterestedd as ever in living in LA, Or just living, period— But it is what it is, I work for my rent, I've repented for this, Used to sleep in a tent, But when I was an Infant, I instantly— Wait, a customer walked in. I better help him. Heaven help him. Another level, Call dr. Nevel, Or an Ambulance, I just can't get it Just can't get it, Wait, let's insert some of the script here, I guess. Took you long enough, didn't it? That took forever. How are you alive? Maybe I'm not. Finally, we agree on something. Oh, this guy Lol. Good to see you again. Likewise, now— Here it goes… As you promised. Working on it. As I promised. Take my heart for granted, Take my soul, If this is loveless Till the end, I just can't manage, having Thoughts of death and tragic ends I haven't Felt the same since Waking up without the day to come ahead; The day has passed again A test, No fail, or pass It's just progressive, In a trance, It's just the stress, It's just to pass the time, I guess, if this is purpose Then, we'll see if this is worth it Now, or never, then Now or never, Never had a friend, All envious at best, This is the end all, In the end, it's just Me and God, And God would want A better body, To have fun I wished it all at once, And then I watched it crumble Oh, I watched it Stumble in, again, my friend I'm different when it's wet, I might not never see the Sun again I might not ever love again Oh well “Oh well” , I said Oh, well, I guess Oh well Okay. One hour left. Okay. Who gets the gold? Hum. Honestly I didn't want to hear a thing ; I had quit music—I just wasn't cut out for the industry—I was, but not by societal standards by far; my lowly place in the smoke shop would have to do for now, and though I knew it wouldn't sustain, there wasn't much else I could do but keep showing up, for as long as it lasted—dresses in at least 2 layers and 5 pairs of socks tucked into boots two-sizes-too-big I had been forced to purchase specifically due to the frigid and painful, freezing temperatures at the locations I worked, which kept its doors open 24/7. Play Iambic. What, right now? Yeah, play Iambic. Uh… Iambic played st exactly 1 hour and 19 minutes—it's script, the transcribed rendition crafted especially for the Broadway stage, an 88-page-masterpiece collecting dust in the confines of my Google Documents, along with anything else I had written and had yet the advantage of placing anywhere besides my podcast channels, which I constantly thought about cancelling, despite its innumerous downloads—nothing really seemed to matter anymore, as I was trapped in my body, in a loveless world, in a dead-end job and though my bed was clean and comfy, sharing the room wirh 3 others became exhausting. INT. SMOKESHOP. 5:58 AM DREW BARRYMORE … SUPACREE … I'm done. I quit. QUIT?! YOU CAN'T QUIT. Nope. That's it. I quit. You can't quit. I just did. I hadn't quit the music industry—the music industry had quit me. I wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough, light skinned enough, or willing to do what any of the other girls were to get ahead. WTF is THIS. Since you like to troll so much, I just thought I'd turn you into one This is not Kosher, 199x Jimmy Fallon; Let me out of this plastic —not exactly “fireproof” — death box, before I let myself out, and I trap you in it. But oh, You already did. FIGHT. UGH OH. Ok, rotate. Who is this. Oh shit, hey dude. FUCK, what year is it? MEANWHILE, Under the bridge. …anybody seen this, uh… *Troll* Yee! *Troll* Alright. That's it. Everything checks out. The story was air tight. TIGHT, TIGHT I want you to wear this tonight “The Lady In The Red Dress” You really went all out for this I really didn't. lol Oh I see, You thought this was the matrix. MIT I WISH GOD Wish what. MIT … Mm. Did u see that. See what. ALRIGHT FUCK THIS, YA'LL IT GOT SERIOUS, WHERE'S MY CYCLOPS He called me his cyclops— —-and then he said LIKE GET OUT WHAT GET OUT OF MY HOUSE WHY CAUSE YOURE JUST A PIÑATA, MAN! And I ain't got time for that! I just got a DeLorean And a new HAT I gotta go get Oof. WRECKED. Yo, Wicked. KENDRICK (TODDLER) WIZARD. Oh my. I'm J00F'd up. | | | trance | | | Look; I gotta get out of this MOTHER OF PEARL do not beach this whale carcas on my warehouse project A what A beached whale I know You brought a beached whale to my fucking rave show Oh I get it It's Avant- Guarde No, that's just how I got here …. Trust me, it's okay that This never happened You did not see me It's because I wasn't there Is this U Ū No I wasn't there. Ü I was. Fuck. What happened. It's ok. All I remember is “The Quatardashians” Hmm Also The indigenous But that's it But mostly that was all just Jesus showing off his flexes Are u fasting? Yes, “Ū” is. So, do you need this?! TRUMPP Get rid of this recording imiidiately GOT IT. kill that bitch. SKRILLEX Yessir. —-but before all that happens. …did you want fries with that?! Why are we boycotting McDonald's —for poisoning —the allies —our enemies. Wait, you're eating this? Yes. Like, for fun, or like? No. This is what I'm feeding my children Why Cause they hungry. Uh, ok— —and there's six of them. Aight, ya'll can each have one nugget with your— I wanted a cheese burger! You git hamburgers. Ham. Cheese costs CENTS; And you know your momma If I ain't about a dollar - A dollop of Daisy You really are Ashamed of his Alright, you evil bastards. I see you want to Cause suffering Correct For which you will eternally recurve damnnation and all of the pain you've caused Karmas a bitch It's lonely at the top Not when you're GOD Get off my rock Did you miss an appointment? Nah, can't do it Why what happened Too high up. Whatchu mean So what, it's just like Done. Well, this is it, huh guys. Oh, yeah, it's that, alright This is the longest ride we ever took.d This is the ONLY ride we ever took. I WANNA GET OFF THIS RIDE. I AM REALLY HIGH UP. JUST LET GO. NO. NO. NO. Put me down, kite!!! KITE wtf do you want me to do. I'm a KITE. I'm YOU FUCKIN KIKE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—- Well, I'll be honest, man, this sets you back, some How far back GET GONE, But? We're dinosaurs. Why would something with razor sharp teeth be so— —peaceful, and friendly?? T-REX …cuddles. I just can't fake the feeling( I can't pretend to cry It just comes, when it does But when the well runs dry That's when the the world will end That's when the world will end After this movie, I guarantee we will no longer need the Wilhelm scream AGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! YAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIGGGHHHHHHH UUUUUUUUUUUUU This movie broke the world record for the amount of times the word “No” was screamed NO NOH. NO. ‘No! NOOOOOOOOOOO! NONONO. NOOOOOOOAAAAAHH …No! Here they all come for her, Defended upon New York In order of important, or appearance? One doesn't wonder, At al, of what's to come Uncommon, we are The call has come TRACY My tummy hurts. That's probably because you've been drinking straight tequila for the last hour and a half. No I haven't! This is water! Tequila is YELLOW, Liz Lemon! No, Tracy—that's silver tequila, And regular tequila is, You know what? Nevermind. Alright, who's got the night shift? [nobody raises their hand, at all] Seriously guys?! Come on! COME ON! Look up WHAM! For some reason, idk. Can we just— not do this? No. Out of my mind a bit Speaking in tongues, In total silence Guess it's the times, I guess that's just who I am And who I am is I said I was Sam I'm the same, I said, “Say Uncle” I guess it's a game, we're playing I don't want to be played with At all I just want to feel loved again By someone else Superb, like him I just want to be felt, I guess By someone else That's “Different” I just want to be kissed on the lips A splendid blend of Twisted trysts Let's not pretend It hasn't ended yet Until you've finished it Class dismissed again Let me off of it I just want it to stop Keep rolling Keep rolling your eyes in the back of your head Like you did just morning Just go for a walk Just stop for a moment Run a bath And just keep running Cause here something comes, Of course, It's all your callings Neatly rolling into one, They said But I Just want to be loved again And who doesn't That's the fucked up part I just want to be loved again But nobody ever Just comes up I just want to be loved again It's a walk in the park Don't follow the dog Even if he barks at you It's time to start again I wonder what comes after this part You are the gleaning in the shadows, The reckoning in my eye, The siren in my silence; The green in all the lights, I am a shamed to have just been One of your many One of your many Images, You still have me twisted, I miss you, It's just you, at the end, Again I left you where you left me Solid on solid Sounds are invalid now How are you so Swore by your awesome No more songs, I said No more songs, he's dead to me No more songs! She's inlisted He's uninterested, Isn't this interesting The problem is: I'm still in love with Everyone i've ever been in love with (And I love him) But he doesn't remember my Name And he's famous And she's crazy And he hates her But he made me hate him The day I became you The day I became So famous, I finally made it I'm dead It smells like dill in here At least it doesn't smell like dead mouse. Aha. Youre Hellen. Keller or Mirin How would you be Hellen Miren Cause I'm the Queen. posh. You want to die Well, you better do it quick Better get your shit toggether, paint a l Bigger, better picture Bitter Betty gliching steady Just remember when you're ready Ever steady still forgetting dinner Dessert was already Forget this significance Remind me why I'm on this speeding bullet to nowhere Had no other options but to go under for something Shy, sickness it's a secret Just kill me already Semi robotic, Something like a magnet, attracted, Simply symphonies And soulless bodies, tied to money Wonder what was in the vaccum cleaner meaning What did you suck up, dude Who do you suck up to. When nobody loves you But your own son And the audience is robots Nothing really works more than once, if it's really magic Sit and do nothing would you Like you're supposed to Fall over like the mannequin you are Just a body in my count A mattress without a bespost, if it matters If it matters Doesn't really matter But hey, you know We all go downtown every once or twice a note For Hanukkah I could try to be nice But there's no sense in it, Is there If everything and everyone else is just as nasty As the rest of it Just is just a test, again A doctors office visit. Simple robotics, Or already stocked up for Hanukkah, Hollywood Where's your homeland deposit box Closet full of robots Closest to the moon, I wrote another poem for you Sorry that I wasn't on the offering table The parakeet, pigeon and pirated Slattery, Damages, damages, All with the Amazon packages, Now we're all robots, Aren't we What corporation to you belong to! Something corporate , or say anything Whose to say Jeff Besoz won't replace us With m robots with thought processes, If once such could project as such presence As an AI freestyle Meanwhile, I've got a butload of buckets and bunts, Bullletwounds, eyes on Manhattan and happens to wish something bad upon me When all I wanted is Somebody to love me And someone to love him, If that's what he wanted (But who knows if what he wanted was all of the bodies opposite of him) I don't belong on this planet I belong in the garbage Put me on mars, mom Stop it, You're almost a robot, get out of my peripheral With your mental illness Geez, I must really want a menorah This is the animal house There's no one alive here Set to be slaughters. Honor the box of offerings as Thoughtful words And parallels What could be under your tongue Is the surface of love Just to touch with the battery acid or chemical trails You have left in your axis Nobody knows better than this How close it is to touching Without being loved But nobody loves you Psychotron, sure we're all robots now Nobody loves anymore {Previously, On…} L E G E N D S The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū {Enter The Multiverse} Ascension What the FUCK did you DO? What did I do?! You know what you did! I didn't do anything! Oh yeah? No! Not on purpose! GODDAMMIT, YOU SON OF A— Where's Jimmy Fallon?! What?! I don't know! Oh no. Oh shit, run. Oh no. What in the FUCK— I am “the fuck” You know what. I'm gonna sue the everliving shit out of you. For WHAT. We'll see. Fuck. Uh oh. FUCK. What now? What this time? Apparently, Jimmy Fallon is missing. What the fuck does that got to do with me. We'll see. Okay, great, Now finish that chapter. What fucking chapter?! All of it. That's—a lot. I want all of it. By my desk, by noon tomorrow. “By” your desk?! Yes, BY. Not ON. I've got too much stuff on my desk— …but it's…like 9 o clock. Should be easy, given your natural talents. What natural talents. PEACOCK. AHAHAHAHA. Okay. Well. Well what. This sucks. I lost all my coins. Hey. Ugh. You dropped this. So how was Los Angeles. What the fuck. You fucking DICK. I told you, I own shares in this. So what's the plan for this, exactly. I dunno, Harry. I got a book of stamps, And a yellow envelope marked “Jimmy Fallon” I will hate you forever. Well, that's retarded. I haven't even smited you yet. I will annihilate you, human. WHERE'S MY SHIT. Who the fuck are you, anyway? Nobody! No one. No one cares about this series, yo. I'l seriously doubt that, Jesse Pinkman. What is this stuff. It's your stuff. This is not what I ordered— Hey— Why is it BLUE Cause it is. So. WHY IN THE— Mischief managed. Alright. This should be good for the night, but we gotta get out of here by morning; I thought your parents owned this place. It's a time share! So? So it's like only —part of the time. That is stupid. No! You're stupid! You're the one who got us into this mess. It's your mess, I was just cleaning it up! Whatever! Stop trippin. Nobody's “tripping.” That's it. I'll be a stripper. Straight outta hell, that kid. Don't I know it. Alright, fine. I said, whatever you do— DONT watch this show. Stuff it, J. Slatts. I'll kill you with my eyeballs Sounds like a threat. Put on a lawsuit, then. Maybe I oughtta… —with a bow tie. You'll look so pretty. I thought I was already pretty. Uh huh. Yeah, look, so honestly I don't know if I'll ever be on the same vibration as like, Jimmy Fallon and them, ok? I don't know how I did it; I don't know what did it, It just happened and then— And then WHAT. It just—ended. Just like that. I'm not trying to offend anybody here. Just like that. Now, I ask: What are we going to do to sell you this dream? Doesnt matter what you do, I'll never believe it. Sure, fine; Don't believe it— We're gonna make you live it. Who the hell us “we” anyway? Now you're speaking in my cadence— Don't flatter yourself I like it. Too late, I guess. So, you see We're building Power triangles And love squares Power triangles And love squares Don't let it scare you, There's love there Don't let it scare you, There's love there Never fear where love has dared To call you up there Corrupt file—no fair. Don't be suprised even the odds seem to turn in your favor, I promise you; Nobody's ever ready For what has just happened here. WAKE UP, FUCKER. Ugh, I can't go through this again. So, I guess I'll have to erase, Or just secretly publish Everything I've ever written About my actual experience as a color, Just so that I can earn money As anything other than A slave— A maid, A housekeeper, A dog walker Or servitor So far under her, That I can't see far enough up to just Scratch the surface Her birthright: The entire network And mine, To sit under her, Wondering what the world would be like At the other end of the spectrum The word form of the White woman The wicked witch of all directions, In which I stand in; I'm at her mercy I've been abandoned before But this disservice, is, I'm afraid The best advice I can take is just To go straight to the bank with my angst and my hatred And shove it So here comes the nameless Face I love, Yet, The faceless God, Was Intoxicated, at best— Manipulation of the Mass Media I'm so Seriously jaded In this torture chamber In my corner office In this hall of racists, I claim, but if all is One in the same Then It's one in the same And I'm mainstream I'm famous If it's One in the same Then It's one in the same If it's One in the same Then I'm mainstream I'm so famous In a whole room full of humans I'm groomed to be useful for something, But what? It just hasn't come yet. I could sit down with a paper and pen, But I'm filling up all of my documents With hollandaise and God For what? It's just another song, or something Or something. It's just another — Goddamnit it, more coughs again. I told you not to watch this. Why do I taste pancakes? Maybe you're having a stroke again. Chyeah, a stroke of genius. I'll show you a stroke. Or don't. Well, there goes the captain. where is that scene, anyway? I don't know, I just wrote it. Great, she left the door open. She's got no furniture! It's a “dance floor” It's “the black box” she called it “the black box” Goddamn, do you listen to all her stuff? “Fear stimulates my imagination” Pilot ASOT Fuck man, What is a woman to a man, And an androgynous genius to The industry, or anyone at all If all are foes ans frauds All else is toxic! I woke up with one hand tucked behind my back Feeling dead drunk, I just woke up again But never fell asleep What world am I in? The end of the Dream sequence The end of the energy keeping me between three things: My past, My future And these prequels, Sequels And seeing arrangements And She's going crazy But nobody quite understands That these demons are chasing me saying “You deserved those hands in your face” The scratches on Kayla's back should have had me but I was too fat To find love again And still have something Wonderfully, undone And wrong with me Wrong with me enough to slam poetry So I'm guessing the white women I love beyond words and bounds are— In charge of whatever happens At the top of the rock; So I jumped off. I want to see someone suffer for all that I've done; No, that's dark, and karmic, you know— To go on like that; The confusions and refusal to accept that The album is called ChaosMagick, But the cover is more Urgent, A prose or a pawn of protection Against all the coughs And the reckless mismanagement The hands in my head And the eye on my scar And the lies on my heart So tell me, What happens When you're flying a kite with your heart, And it's broken? What happens to the kite , When you fly it with your heart And your art up in bundles— heartbroken, heartbroken So what come of Miss May, Come January? What come of Miss April By Next December what comes of the words I was saying For no one But everyone heard them And I've been gone Much longer than months, But still stocked up on all that I've wanted Or all that I got Or just, all that I love But got no undercovers to acknowledge no more How right I was Or how wrong I am What come of Miss June, when Miss January comes around? what come now, around August, When March is long forgotten? What comes of the drugs, Of the come ups, and come downs What comes of the process When nothing is served But the surf has come up Somewhere And I just can't love enough To go there I want to go to there I want to be that girl I want to sit at the top of the rock Writing songs, and sipping mock cocktails I want to Don't you know I just want to get back to Where I belong I'm so out of money and love That I want to be Under the train, When it's coming (Sometimes it's just the impulse that says “GO” Then the train starts to slow And my pain bubbles up into a numb, Dumb, crumbling cluster of poetry You know? Or you don't Cause you're all just on your phones Scrolling Some black man stands over me, Reminding me of why I never trust the ones Who want me most, Or just assume, By color code, That I belong to them I'm sorry, I just can't write with your arms around my neck like this Your heart around my arms like this It's so wholesome I had other verses but forgot them They took away my movies for the curses And the hexes That they put on me I said don't. And the king said “Heads will roll” Cause, you know; I've got parts for all of them now, The ones I'd forgotten But come from the catacombs, Back from the conduit You know, This is awful I had another one, But lost it. The king?! Which one. Teas I! No, it wasn't, It was Gían's father, From further off Should I call John back? Which one? Turns out, I love all of them— Turns out, I've got all of them In my college I taught them all to be someone Becoming of acknowledgement With nombres most common Juan, in subcultures, but Beyond that (Or above them) It's John, Or just Jonathan, Watch the ones who drop the consanant; They're always so troublesome, But I took them all up As understudies, Social Studies and some theatrics, Joan of Ark said Two more moments (Two more weeks in) I could have a body worthy Of a Grammy award, but — Would I be a writer then? Probably not, hon— Writers are Off a bit. If you were pretty, ever at all— would you have written this?! If I were pretty at all would there be reason to be this Conflicted? Some of those old New York hallways Haven't been painted In ages Since they made them Don't make that face at me I only dropped my key once On the fourth floor —they're horrible, you know To us, The “brothers” know no love They are destruction, speaking Of this, I got a cold heart. Cold like the robber Cold like the calling I've done in my corner office cold, like the jello mold forming a thought process Worthy enough I might love it like a husband We're re-evaluating your circumstances. Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. I've got friends at USPS What the fuck could that even account to. Look, I'm gonna have to give this some serious considerations. It's not that serious. It's not that serious. Of course it is! I'm up to my knees in investments! So?! I wade a waiste deep, Surely you can get by “Up to your knees” What exactly do you need? Money. And lots of it. I mean, from me. Money. Really? Leave me alone. I told you not to write this. You're a voice in my head; No, I'm the hand in your mailbox. What in the fuck do you believe in. I believe in everything! They said you were a genius; I didn't expect you to be —at the very least, lucid— *squints* learn some new vocabulary, okay? For what? Dinner. Maybe. We're still in the process of voting. She's crazy. We'd be crazy not to actually hire her. Her accounts are all practically open; We could just take it. Yeah, and when she kills herself, and there's no blood on our hands— There's nothing that can be done about the amount of this stuff that's already printed! Printed?! What?! You mean— She's published? Self-published. My, what a beautiful happenstance To have already had you And awakened atop mattresses Marked for my assassins hand— Polite, I lost you All of us, Atop the rock We stood and suffered Months beyond a montage, Undercover Love was lost, And all's uncertain The interception of God, At the cost of What terror and cutbacks Have caused us all What you lost was $50, a Hallmark Card, an Academy award, a long lost star's phone number, And all that you wanted, The cock of the gun Was the sound that you wondered What was called , then ran off into wonder. How am I gonna make money And become an award winning songwriter Music producer And multidisciplinary artist, Without all the funding it takes to get noviced Without taking clothes off Wake up 10 years younger I'm suffering My stomach was a rubber band My stomach was a rubber band My only song was Water I forgot to stop For the applause I drowned in all the love; right then and there I died of Lovenessness [The Festival Project] The sound and laughter of children play A baby in a basket The basket case at Trader Joe's Who know what happens It just doesn't pull my heartstrings any longer That my son belongs without his mother So I'd better have another This is us, come on. Don't do this to me. Don't do this, Timmy, you'll be sorry. Come on! We're not even in that movie! We are, though; it's still Listen, you've got the right guy for this. Are you sure. Yeah, I promise. Officers, Stop for a *movement [hot cops flash dance number] Fuck, well, that was all wrong. But worth it! What I meant was— God, this show gets good at 31, But I'm only 22, So I guess I'll know how wrong the war was Once we've lost it, Cause imm a man now The episode is over, Soon comes the next episode With snoop dogg, Or not That was our wedding album. Scatterbrained, and pregnant— There she was just putting all the things together That she needed to be Needed To be needed. There she was, All on 4/20 Trying not to do the wrong thing, But what was it? To be loved. Then, There she was at 21 just going off again At some event— A friend, and her Back then could not imagine They'd become him To be someone. Not as one, But of entirely another World apart, aside from Cyclones into snow cones Turns the watchers into artists All their own, And off my own accord Or own account Or done with boredom Dove soap Open doors And clocks that turn the other hand away, Each day you love Manhattan But can't have that. That's it— This is just Season 1 of Mad Men WHERE THE FUCK IS— [she throws her hands above her head in surrender] I don't KNOW! Oh, you're a girl now?! I guess! What's with those pants, then? To hide the assets! What assets?! You look tragic. I'm going for ‘skeleton' to match all your wives and everybody else on the red carpet Who said you get the red carpet? Manhattan. That guy lies! Well how about this: The walk of stars were carved out in blocks of marble All in my honor. 1000/1 You're our God, now. What! I don't want to be God! SUCK IT UP. YOU WON. I don't wanna! Yaaaaaaayyy. You got the award! All the awards! Speech! Speech! SUNNI BLŪ Uh—- I'm drunk, And there's nothing on the teleprompter [a man in the audience coughs] A-HEM. [Sunni Blū immidiateky shoots the coughing man] [multi-camera shots of celebrity audience reactions; laughing, clapping in hilarity as if someone hasn't just died] TAYLOR SWIFT (unmoved at all) SUNNÏ BLŪ I don't know why you're laughing. That was awful. That guy died [audience is insane, super fake as usual] [more cut takes] SUNNÏ BLŪ It should have been you, Taylor. TAYLOR SWIFT (Still unaffected) SUNNI BLU Anyway. I'd like to thank the academy… Cause I am the academy [Audience is celebrities being celebrities] SUNNI BLU You guys are all idiots: I'm a go f*ck myself— And anyone else who wants to show up At my afterparty. Whatever. Peace. [cheesy academy award music plays—Sunnï knocks over the mic, peaces out obnoxiously; the audience cheers wildly and the host returns to the stage.] Who's the host? Whatever. Hey, better than nothin. You're telling me. yeah. I know: Oh, she's a comic? Yeah. I got it. BOB SAGET Ooh, that's good. Ū No—no my God. No Bob Saget, stop it! Wait, Bob Saget is dead right? Last I recall: Fuck—FUCK! Dammit. Dammit, dammit. Okay, Rue— you're up. Rue, what in the— Shhhh, don't let them know I'm in here! Oh, wait— It's me, Blanche. That's hot. I'm a debutant. My god, you're so young. Here, take this, What's that, You'll need that. V.O. I'm being hunted by the ghost of Bob Saget. *haunted. No, hunted! There she is! Grab her! Ooh, Bob Saget. Why, yes. How old are you? Not dead yet! You don't have to kidnap me, I'll happily go with you, sir. Really? Yes. GET IN THE— NOH, GET IN THE VAN. INT. IN THE VAN. [a bunch of hot male celebrities are in the van] Oh. Okay. Wow. That was easy. What is it, Friday. It's Friday and a half. Friday.5 What. There's a Friday movie between 1 and 2 So I guess this is season 8.5 I guess this is season 8.5 HEY, GET BACK HERE. What is this. It's your lunch. I don't want this. Well, okay. What— is this strange music— They call it dubstep Come on, Jimmy, you're slipping Kimmel, cause Fallon is dead or presumed missing Probably Skrillex Probably a bounty on his head, Dog willing The Festival Priojects Inclement Infinite Is coming up next, on Legends Come on Jim, KEEP UP. Nobody can know about this, okay? Wait, where's Kimmel Okay, I got O'Brien— Black Irish Bastard… Alright, Alec Baldwin is a little tied up, right now, but LEMON, Fuck. That's l—future me. What?! I gotta go, okay?! What? Go where. Let's get DRUNK. No, That's—I got a show tonight What?! Look at my lexicon. Your—what, Meet me on Lexington. Oh, this pussy is finished! I got it, I got it! He's LENNONNNNN!! JOHN LENNON Fuck. Look, I gotta go. John Lennon?! You're dead! Funny, I thought not. Watch this. MOOOOOOOOOOOM. Fuck, What, It's my kid. I gotta go. Wait, you have kids?! Well, I just had you, didn't I? “The mayor” is a secret underground rap star lol #trappin Okay, What's else happened Idk hold on Okay, So whats the sauce on this sandwich. Oh. Jeez, this again. That *sandwhich? Hah. There's no sauce on that sandwhich. —there's not!? No: You see. It's very simple. WAKE UP, YOU'RE A ROCKSTAR. we gotta take the train. The train?! NO. NOTTHETRAIN. NO. Man, fuck the train! [SUNNI BLŪ wakes up on the train.] What's this, the train? [is the train] (Angrily, tossing newspaper) Man, FUCK the train! Other hobo: Aww, thanks, I need that for my— [s/he snatches back the paper]. Wait! I need that back—what day is it? [drunkenly illegible gibberish turns into perfect Hebrew] GODDAMMIT, it's Shabbat; I gotta get to Temple. [s/he shoves the newspaper back into the hobo's lap] Here. Oh no, I thought I couldn't forget RABI FUCK _]€_# WHAT WAS IT GODDAMIT IT WAS SO CLEVER. God So it was… What did you do with it? Do with what My idea what idea My—my rabbi joke— What rabbi joke you know what rabbi joke! You were the one who gave it to me. Oh, did I? YES, SATAN, JESUS. GOD Ohh, Satan-Jesus. I like that one. NO— it was— It was much better than that, it was— It was funny. Oh, it was? YES. —did you write it down? Fuck, I realize I just opened a A FUCK PORTAL. OHH, GET IN IT, GET INSIDE. I had an Artemis in my pocket But I lost him Walked away from the cornermarker And the cornerstone, for the sunset I wonder if songs always come When I'm walking, Or God makes us promises, For world of I'm not JB, I'm KG, Can you see me now? If you could see what I see, We'd be even wtf did I just write this And not realize I just wrote this Yeah. That shit happens to me all the time. WHAT. ALL THE TKMEx Shut up, THE ANDRE3K CHARADES GAME is getting intense. What in the FUCK is that. *flutes* Ohh. And KITES. yyyyyYYYYYYYAAAAAHHH—— GODDAMMIT. I can't see really, I just dream I'm not thinking, I'm dancing This is what you asked for Exactly what you asked for For once, I'm finally glad I have your eyes on My friend I can see you all on the horizon, Singing NO, NO MORE MUSICALS!! Jimmy, what did you do?! I don't know what I did! You lyin bastard. I'm not lying! So, where ya from? —I don't know where I'm from. Listen, I'm gonna need you SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP. It seems like these scenes are getting shorter. I'm bored with this. Ok. Let's do something else. I fuckin hate you. I hate you. I fuckin hate you. 88. Oh no: 8 Wait, what the— *dolphin* WOAH, okay: Oh, no. No, No, no OHNONO. I told you I'd find him. Anyway. Seems like there's something more important I should be doing. Are you sure this is the right place. Right place. Right time. Fuck— FUCK. What, what happened. I lost my— SKRILLEX! No. SKRILLEX. NO, NO— SKR— I swear to God, Google knows everything. Google don't know shit about SHIT. I gotta lose m 39 lbs. For what. MADONNA DO IT FOR THE BANANAS. I hate— you. COME ON, MISTER. Fuck off, Madonna, I'M A GOD. I miss Beyoncé. That's not relevant. Beyoncé is relevant to everything. *smacks* QUIT FANGIRLING. Trust me, I hate you. I don't trust you, but I believe you. I got it. I hate this place. Holy shit. What. I developed a new phobia. What's that mean?! I don't know, I can probably use it in a fight or something. For what. SPECIAL ABILITY UNLOCKED. I see you looking over my shoulder I see the shadows, I try not to jump at em. I spent six months in a coffin, you know I spent my life a sarcophagus (Wow, I got it right.) Try not to mutter those haunts in a hospital Try to recover from trauma Uncovered post traumatics, Anxiety attacks and a lot of those— What do you call them? A flashback. Here goes one: SONNY MOORE aka SKRILLEX appears. I told you not to— But I did! I didn't mean to! But you did! This is ludachris! Oh look, it's— Fuck. God dammit. Come on! What's his name!? What's his name?! I'll think abo it it. Are you serious? Another shapeshifter? Yes, I guess welll just have to kill them all, then. I just want to go home. You don't have one. …oh. So here we have. Okay, wait a second. I wasn't faking my symptoms at all, actually. My heart had dropped, and been pounding and fluttering insessantly— It had been a hard week, but especially the last three days; The coughing—. Everyone seemed to be wearing clothing with stars or bears on it, Champion sportswear. I fucking hate champion sportswear. But the palpitations were real as ever— and now— On a Saturday night in the Jamaica, Queens medical center emergency room, There they were again. Only this time I knew exactly why. ‘Too Bizzare' by Skrillex begins to play, via Complications 003- The Trauma Method. Irony. It was ironic, but still startling, Started with some nostalgic traumas, Every other time I saw an ER doctor (Why I don't go) Fuck, I just realized I have to airdrop myself 880 times. That fucking sucks. Did you say you were a doctor? I was, once. When is “once” At some point. Listen, I'm gonna need you to backtrack to get to the bottom of this. I'm innocent, I promise! We caught you at 27 different angles doing this. Oh. [beat] I plead the 5th. Ohh. Cerulean. My favorite. c R A Y On Oh, I get it, I L L U M I N A T U S. Nice, it worked. I know everything about you. So you do. [beat] You're a God. What the fuck do you want from me. Listen. I. Am not. A God, Right. That's exactly what a God would say. No they wouldn't! Because a God wouldn't say anything! AHA. Don't ‘AHA' ME. I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back It don't matter to me, now Now and again I go crazy just making arrangements, But besides that, If you like it, you should have it It's a long road, As Kaskade says, And a short dance, With the right one And time goes by I would call it mild, But actually I'm in a wild panic It might be a heart attack I just might even Die right here But I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me I don't mind—at all It don't matter to me, I said I don't mind, at all, now It really don't matter to me I said, I don't mind, at all It really don't matter to anyone Now does it (Not it doesn') I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back Palpitations and precipitations at the pulpit Preacher, please don't make me a culprit I been prayin— I been paying my tithes, 10% Even, Now 25, Almost half of me is not mine! Why try? I've been walking out, in straight lines I been crying silently It ain't right I been making most of my nights Sometimes I see sun come up twice Up, down up 10 degrees, It ain't right Up down up 33, it ain't right Up, down, up I've been spending my time Down, up, down Riding round, Trying not to down in my mind Up, down up What is this. It's my project. What is it? The Festival Project. Yeah but—what— What. Is it? …it's my project. *painfully infuriated* Okay, enter here. EXAM ROOM 10 Why exam room 10? Because. Where are the other nine? Just—get in. I'm not going in there! JUST GET IN. UGH. DEADMAU5 (head and all) stands at a tall podium in the center of the room) What is this, This is deadmau5. I know that. —-!!! —?!? What. !!! What? This is the exam? Yes! NO. What is “no”. I'm not playing for deadmau5. That's the exam. Then I fail! Automatic Fail? yes. Automatic fail. Then you win. What. *slams gavel* Congratulations—you're the next superstar DJ. WhY. . What. Woohoo! I just retired! DEADMAU5 exits. … … After a few moments of comic tension, the Deadmau5 head rolls back in through the exit which he has taken. Ugh. Fuck this. No matter what you do, you're a superstar DJ. What. No! Yes. The answer is yes. NO. Fuck. What the FUCK. No matter what you do. You want to go, Go, you want to die, Die, you want to try, try You want to cry, cry Do what you want; As so will I, Demand is demand— Supply is supply. EDX So then, I followed this long hallway under the stage deck. Uh huh. And it led to a door— Uhhuh, where'd the door lead? To a portal. Woah. Pasqualle! You made it! I—yes. Congratulations! *blows party horn* *Daisies/ confetti* You're like 25! I'll be 25 forever. Nice! Yeah. I guess that's why it's called ‘music'—a musician without muses is just useless. ‘Well, whose next?' I wondered. All of my muses were not just so wonderful to me, but adored by many—and perhaps this is what allured me most—befuddled ans confounded me; once my mind was set on something, there was nothing else its eye could see—and for how long one God could only know, how deep the love would go and that the blood would run deep, and the scars to show for it, only upon my heart and never by soul—for a love was a love, and even once came and gone, to the end of my life I knew I would still ponder upon them, at one time or another, my muses—star studded lovers, rather than crossed, shiny and golden like all diamond and trophies so treasured and thought of as precious. ‘Yes, you are—precious.' Another tongue in cheek thought, for the other that I was, and also was not, as summer drew onward as short as it would come and go—a reminder to leave the apartment more often, and to mind my manners, to find the upper echelon wherever it was and come quietly into its doors, to open my world and wordform of thought, into a place where my heart always was; then, and only then, would I be home. Amongst the men and women of the uppercut and classy, luxurious big fishing ponds and flocks of doves upon olive branches—the peaceful world long parted from where mine was, by only the fault of my own. What had been done just certainly was, and yet, what was to come was an open poem, not of mine, but Godform in thought. ‘I wonder what's at the top of Rockefeller Plaza.' —perhaps, a gander at the bottom of an even larger entertainment complex. Then, again, only God would know what was beyond all that I wanted; a job—and not just any job at all— the one that I had always wanted. Mmm. Birthday cake. Suddenly the taste of a white confetti crème filled my mouth with a delicious remnince of what it might be like to taste a confectionary sugar again—but i couldn't imagine ever making it just on talent and charisma alone—no. Indeed, it seemed something had damaged my charm, and perhaps it was just the swarms and droves of phone controlled masses that saw me as nothing more than dust, I had started to surrender my desire to perform, and the quality of my music—along with my ability to make it, suffered with the awful thing that had been crowding my soul at all—whatever it was, evil and dark in nature, sure saw to it that it wanted to hurt me in all the ways that it could—and in all the ways it could not, I stayed away from most others, favoring my delusions of love. ‘Nobody seems to understand that the pain they cause will only harm themselves.', I thought Younger souls, however, they were—and they would be kept in the pain that I was in one way or another until eventual death, far behind me on the infinite road to the source. Far enough behind, that it seeked to destroy my progress, and for all that it could, it also couldn't. The infliction of pain would simply not act as a measure for control any longer. Off into my own world, where I was at least free from the thoughts and judgement of others. She's the most beautiful girl, And I'm the most beautiful boy; So naturally, we belong together, don't we? I see a pretty picture, Picket fences and a family Golden Retrievers Someone relieve her; She doesn't believe me TV dreams and exquisite pretty people Burning candles, fire flames and frequent figures, Guest characters and cameos, Repeat offenders, multiple appearances Suddenly, really, it's another need People, people pleasers Audience affection, Tragic endings, Butterflies and new beginnings Gun under my tongue, Rubber like a frog My mind is in a fog Haven't bothered going on a walk To Trader Joe's but The anthem of my youth, A lost soul Another form of my love So what I wonder Put the gun up under my chin Rubber like a frog Blow my head off Just cause I didn't blow up Selfish cunt Big brother, Another hypnotist Little brother, Gotta love him Gotta love em For the Love of God I could stop for a moment Wash my mind out with soap Like I'm ten years younger, even Seriously 20 years between us, You can't even hide underwater In a bathtub Seriously, Someone help us For the love of God, for the love of Hollywood Seriously, Someone love us, For the love of God, For the love of Rockefeller Plaza Someone help us Another possible walk of stars A little shop of horrors Another whole story I get rid of my demons The hoes screamin I put semen in her Permanent like semen, Just keep dreamin I'mma just keep preaching SaMo, Brooklyn Europe Next I keep scheming Whoever you are; If you're a wreck— You need a check No respect, neglect Just cover your neck (I'm blind to my own design, sometimes) That's what the eye is Try this: Close your eyes and say thrice, kids I am the God of the eye, Osiris I am the God of the Eye, I'm Osiris I am the God, I walk amongst the highest Thoth, You lost Better just die and keep trying I am the God of the eye, I am (Try this) I am the God of the eye (I never die) I am the God of the eye (That's right, three times) I am the God of the eye No black and white television, In my dimension we pay attention to centrifugal, The mission isn't in materialism, Whatever youre spending If money the God, l of your eye, Realize, I am higher My gunfire, Is right on the back of The one dollar I am the God of the eye I Am Your money is nothin to us We come in peace, To end suffering Pretty little nigga Look just like Kendrick Kickin it with jigga I'm the new higs boson Part of me never left Boston (Fuck Starr!) Part of me never left homeless This ain't my home It's my office You never heard this song You don't notice I'm an ugly kid, you don't notice me Rooftop smells like soy sauce On god I am ugly You don't notice -Atari the God Can we get back to this, please? Damn. She really whooped her ass, though. Janet, can I borrow you for a second? No. Please. [Whoopi Goldberg appears in the doorway, gesturing “c'mon”] …alright. I got convictions on my lips, I took a picture Turn the page The worst of all was, it really did seem like they were racists— INSOMNIAC EVENTS Not just racists— the most deadly kind of racists. WHITE SUPREMACISTS You really want it this way, don't you? No! I LOVE you! Oh, do you? If there's a mile in here, I swear to god.. Are you high enough yet? I thought so HIGHER! hire star* What. Just do it. You remember these guys, right? GOOD CANNABIS, FAIRBANKS, ALASKA No. Why are we back here. Alright, we might have fucked up. Why. This guy sucks. HEY. What. COME BACK TO ALASKA never that. WHAT, WHY NOT! GOD HATES FAGS!!! Well, you're wrong! WHITE POWER. Nah. ALL LIVES MATTER O rly? Even this guy? Literally every “NO” …so, “all lives.” Look, I don't care what color it is; I want that book in my library. GO TO THE LIVRARY. NO. GET IN HERE. NO AUBREY. STAY DEAD. She's dead, right? YOU CALLED ME HERE. I didn't! You Did. I did not, all i said was *swoons* …I love her. (I really do) WHAT?! “I Love you?!” It was more the *swoon* that did it. Disconnect. Fuck, I lost deadmau5 again What'd you do to him? Nothing! Put him back! He's still there! He's right there, you see him? No! This isn't deadmau5. We want deadmau5. bring him BACK. Fuck, I fucked up. What'd you do? …nothing? Pick up the phone Pick up the phone …hello? Who IS this? Fuck it, I quit. Man, God never puts my dishes back in the right place, like ever. I told you, I don't live here, I'm just… Babysitting. CC! What! CC! What? CC WHAT. Fuck, man. That was wild. Where the fuck have you been? I don't know. You don't know—you smell funny. “Funny” is that what that smell is? No. When were you? When? Ha. Did you—- Did I what? —did you go to a party without me? Lmfao fuck these niggaz. Why, what happened. What's this. Where was it?! Idlewild. “IdLeWiLd”?!?!? You. Old. One here and die, you know, l. It's cattle call for curtain calls guy Where did this go— What was this, once? It's the return Welcome to Oz This is the Tower of Babel Remember; I wrote that Better than the bottom, Still not the top —it's not as fast, when it's not going all the way up Did you jump yet Come around more Keep coughing Are you sure this is where it was or—? Somewhere else I stayed Back when I was homeless It's hopeless! We lost her Antenna, antenna SUPERMARKET I loved her —she was undercover —I'm still in your stirrups I'm lost in New York, then BACKFIRE Adele remix is on [have a seat] Can I go now? I still need a hat, a half dollar and an alter cloth You could win an award for this; I don't want an award, I just want my son back Motherhood, motherhood Brotherhood, brotherhood This isn't one of us! No one was No one was Can I go now? Where to? Home! Nope, that's just the office, I'm still homeless, unless I They got cabanas on top of offices! (The rich and the famous) Networking and brunches— _this looks fun, doesn't it? I altered the course of history In brief exchanges and Various social atrocities This is hypocrisy! lol rly This is hypocrisy!! Hyper awareness and, psychic inclinations… You realize the more low quality people you let in The more low quality this country becomes, don't you? I put a roll in the back of the chosen ones. Used to be cast more, Now something seldom ever happens Such as this— A fun Fortune 500 What does that even mean Forbes. Look it up. What if the policy is Foreign; Look it up. I know enough about the girl next door to know Something is horrible, Something inside of her Rots at the core, Her obsession; My undeservedness of such, What she must, I mustn't, just Unjustice Broski, okay I got to discard All the pichardo Besides just this one (I'm standing on top of you) Put somebody worthy on the fourth floor Worse off, I was done for Before I got to New York What's her for?! I know enough about the man upstairs to know All these glares and “How dare you's” and Hatred says Why would you wait 30 years Until today, I guess Something is certainly off about her. I said yes. It was more probably something like “SUCK MY DICK” What. “YOU HEARD ME” Oh yes, I did. From 1990 to 1993 From 1990 To 1993 From 1990 To 1993 Stop breeding these things, “Love is familiarity” No Love is what you make it But you can't Because of slavery They don't make music —they don't make love either Well, look where your lust took you! Nowhere! Exactly! Look where your love took you: Vegas, Los Angeles, South of the Border Above it a New Yorker— Under budget, Celibate and My arms are too short to jump the turnstyle, Meanwhile My ex husband left permanent scars on My face My lips My arms My hands And my heart. Did you bite him? Of course I bit him, he was strangling me. You definitely won this fight. I know. Look, if I don't call for security, This bitch is gonna make me kill her. OCTOPUSSY NO. What. NO. Stankass. I will KILL this bitch. Look, I gotta get ahead in this. I need a WIN. These are customs. Trash. Wash your pussy. Send her back. Nah, you know what. Remove that hex. Wait, what, really?! Yeah, like; Reverse it. Woah. That's crazy. They got like….white slaves now. That's not right. What do you mean. That's not it. You said “reverse it” This is what the white supremacy just did to everyone else: [world in crisis except for for people who look like Kayla Lauren, to whom EVERYTHING is a fucking crisis, that isn't] BECKY/KAREN/WICKED WITCH OF WHITE AMERICA I AM OFFENDED I'm offended that you signed your like 12 year old daughter up to pose nearly nude, but— Hey look, it's us now; is this freedom?! Uh…. Why are all the female models like 12 and all the male models are fully grown men— Or women. Right. Idk. Wait, I do. You do?! Wait. Something tells me all the pedophiles and all the white supremacists are in the same group… Run the same businesses— Have the same families. This is disgusting Okay, this is gross That's not right ! That's not my job! Oh, it's not!!? NO. Who should I call That guy. So you want this? Oh, it's a death curse?! It will NEVER end. Wanna bet. I'll kill you and take the whole world with me. Now that's a threat. Thing is, I'm actually making it. I'm telling on you! Ok. Wait 30 years though so you look and sound REALLY fucking stupid. Ok. 30 YEARS. Doesn't make sense. What's the statute of limitations for— Hm. Depends. Depends on what. Who are you?! WHO ARE YOU?! NOBODY YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT. THEN WHY DO I? wtf is this? This is Texas being petty. Ok, fuck ya‘lol YAW. I'm serious, wtf is wrong with you. Something. What. Fix me. Fix you. Hm. Ok. *COUGHING* Somethings wrong here. Yep, it's definitely some kind of FIX IT. Where's this ROCK? At the ROCK. Like, where tho?! Ur gonna need this. What. They r crucifying u. Noted. Hunts Point Food Distribution Center Lmfao I need this word hold on “eliminating redundancies, setting strict timelines, and allowing cases to proceed contemporaneously” [ Finally, recognizing the danger that social media poses to young people and mental health, New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene Commissioner Dr. Ashwin Vasan today issued a Health Commissioner's Advisory identifying unfettered access to and use of social media as a public health hazard, just as past U.S. surgeons general have done with tobacco and firearms.] A win. I don't play dead. What do you call this: DIE! DIE, BITCH! Corrections. I still don't understand how this— ACID HAPPENS. Out of sight Out of mind So why these guys Tryna waste my time Tryna fuck with my mind with All these lights OH MY GOD I ain't got time for that Well, Maybe I do— I just Don't like NIGGAZ LIKE YOU. (Say what) I don't like Niggaz like U! I'm Sunnï Blū! You're stupid Oh, so he put a curse on sunni blu, too? Ok. Cool. When all my aliases come up This dumb motherfucking drunk Is gonna get stuck In his own woods He'll bury himself In the words that he left With the scars In the words that he left With the scars Sunni blu Is the sayer of stars I slaughtered them all Swallowed them whole Like a big black hole I'm a big black god I'm a big black God Fuck Twinkle that broad One punch girl One punch girl 5 punch faggot I'll unwrap flags on your Goddamn Fuck that Put a curse on my alter ego Lucky he's a he, tho I blow holes in em I blow smoke And love sausage I'm a hedon And he not a Hero He broke He lost I'm open Shirts vs skins I got 666 Curses to show you What your words did IM RA I'm a big black God You're at home with the young apostle Let's be honest He never even liked his father So turned him to a mother, Told his mother to ‘run far, And bring back The life that I want' I'm a big black God In light skinned clothing You don't know to explode Or explode on me Cause my mommy's a Dark skinned icon That my God Find something to pass the time, God Sunni with I, huh I won Fuck a pedophile wifebeater Bury him in the woods with his fury Fear me, now I'm coming up with reverse curses And cures Cause my words Bought the whole world Buried you in the woods I'll bury you in the woods, Bitch Very good I'm a big black God -Blū. GOD is the GOAT I just became god I do what I want I get what I want when I want it I don't want no problems Me myself and God only I buy everything I used to steal These tears in my heart say I'm healing What's the difference, anyway? I've never been fit for your interests, or industry Add insult to injury Add everything to my Amazon cart, then My sympathies Nothing is greater in heaven As it is in hell, for this industry Turned on its head And turned over from 7 to ten Check your messages, then Shut up kid, this doesn't involve you You're not included in the package Michael c hall and John c Riley reprise Mr. Cellophane in the style of DEXTER MORGAN. HA. Classic. GOT EM. V.O. I met her at The Jumping Point {Coming Up…} INT. THE JUMPING POINT POP-UP NIGHTCLUB LOUNGE & BAR. NIGHT “A Long Day's Night” / “A Hard Day's Night” C {CONFUSION SPELL, SUCCESSFUL} [Sequence Initiated.] {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū. {

“Caddyshack” (A Mumtidimentional Mixtape) {Enter The Multiverse} From Wikipedia: Caddyshack is a 1980 American sportscomedy film directed by Harold Ramis, written by Brian Doyle-Murray, Ramis and Douglas Kenney, and starring Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, Ted Knight, Michael O'Keefe and Bill Murray with supporting roles by Sarah Holcomb, Cindy Morgan, and Doyle-Murray. It tells the story of a caddie, vying for a caddie scholarship, who becomes involved in a feud on the links between one of the country club's founders and a nouveau riche guest. A subplot involves a greenskeeper who uses extreme methods against an elusive gopher. Caddyshack was Ramis's directorial debut and boosted the career of Dangerfield, who was previously known mostly for his stand-up comedy. Grossing nearly $40 million at the domestic box office (the 17th-highest of the year),[3] it was the first of a series of similar comedies. The film has a cult following and was described by ESPN as "perhaps the funniest sports movie ever made" SAUCE (IN CASE YOU MISSED IT) —- AHAHA. ITS ME AGAIN. OH SHIT! Oh shit, i guess it's Jimmy Fallon's Galaxy. Oh nooo. Oh, yes. Look at this penny. I see you. Now look into my eyes. I see you, Jesus. Ahahaha! Okay, now what? This shit is twisted I missed the shift of the dimensions— Till Jimmy walked in with his pennies For some cigarettes and swishers, Just to get the picture It's 5 AM again, And it's still Infinite, I'm disinterestedd as ever in living in LA, Or just living, period— But it is what it is, I work for my rent, I've repented for this, Used to sleep in a tent, But when I was an Infant, I instantly— Wait, a customer walked in. I better help him. Heaven help him. Another level, Call dr. Nevel, Or an Ambulance, I just can't get it Just can't get it, Wait, let's insert some of the script here, I guess. Took you long enough, didn't it? That took forever. How are you alive? Maybe I'm not. Finally, we agree on something. Oh, this guy Lol. Good to see you again. Likewise, now— Here it goes… As you promised. Working on it. As I promised. Take my heart for granted, Take my soul, If this is loveless Till the end, I just can't manage, having Thoughts of death and tragic ends I haven't Felt the same since Waking up without the day to come ahead; The day has passed again A test, No fail, or pass It's just progressive, In a trance, It's just the stress, It's just to pass the time, I guess, if this is purpose Then, we'll see if this is worth it Now, or never, then Now or never, Never had a friend, All envious at best, This is the end all, In the end, it's just Me and God, And God would want A better body, To have fun I wished it all at once, And then I watched it crumble Oh, I watched it Stumble in, again, my friend I'm different when it's wet, I might not never see the Sun again I might not ever love again Oh well “Oh well” , I said Oh, well, I guess Oh well Okay. One hour left. Okay. Who gets the gold? Hum. Honestly I didn't want to hear a thing ; I had quit music—I just wasn't cut out for the industry—I was, but not by societal standards by far; my lowly place in the smoke shop would have to do for now, and though I knew it wouldn't sustain, there wasn't much else I could do but keep showing up, for as long as it lasted—dresses in at least 2 layers and 5 pairs of socks tucked into boots two-sizes-too-big I had been forced to purchase specifically due to the frigid and painful, freezing temperatures at the locations I worked, which kept its doors open 24/7. Play Iambic. What, right now? Yeah, play Iambic. Uh… Iambic played st exactly 1 hour and 19 minutes—it's script, the transcribed rendition crafted especially for the Broadway stage, an 88-page-masterpiece collecting dust in the confines of my Google Documents, along with anything else I had written and had yet the advantage of placing anywhere besides my podcast channels, which I constantly thought about cancelling, despite its innumerous downloads—nothing really seemed to matter anymore, as I was trapped in my body, in a loveless world, in a dead-end job and though my bed was clean and comfy, sharing the room wirh 3 others became exhausting. INT. SMOKESHOP. 5:58 AM DREW BARRYMORE … SUPACREE … I'm done. I quit. QUIT?! YOU CAN'T QUIT. Nope. That's it. I quit. You can't quit. I just did. I hadn't quit the music industry—the music industry had quit me. I wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough, light skinned enough, or willing to do what any of the other girls were to get ahead. WTF is THIS. Since you like to troll so much, I just thought I'd turn you into one This is not Kosher, 199x Jimmy Fallon; Let me out of this plastic —not exactly “fireproof” — death box, before I let myself out, and I trap you in it. But oh, You already did. FIGHT. UGH OH. Ok, rotate. Who is this. Oh shit, hey dude. FUCK, what year is it? MEANWHILE, Under the bridge. …anybody seen this, uh… *Troll* Yee! *Troll* Alright. That's it. Everything checks out. The story was air tight. TIGHT, TIGHT I want you to wear this tonight “The Lady In The Red Dress” You really went all out for this I really didn't. lol Oh I see, You thought this was the matrix. MIT I WISH GOD Wish what. MIT … Mm. Did u see that. See what. ALRIGHT FUCK THIS, YA'LL IT GOT SERIOUS, WHERE'S MY CYCLOPS He called me his cyclops— —-and then he said LIKE GET OUT WHAT GET OUT OF MY HOUSE WHY CAUSE YOURE JUST A PIÑATA, MAN! And I ain't got time for that! I just got a DeLorean And a new HAT I gotta go get Oof. WRECKED. Yo, Wicked. KENDRICK (TODDLER) WIZARD. Oh my. I'm J00F'd up. | | | trance | | | Look; I gotta get out of this MOTHER OF PEARL do not beach this whale carcas on my warehouse project A what A beached whale I know You brought a beached whale to my fucking rave show Oh I get it It's Avant- Guarde No, that's just how I got here …. Trust me, it's okay that This never happened You did not see me It's because I wasn't there Is this U Ū No I wasn't there. Ü I was. Fuck. What happened. It's ok. All I remember is “The Quatardashians” Hmm Also The indigenous But that's it But mostly that was all just Jesus showing off his flexes Are u fasting? Yes, “Ū” is. So, do you need this?! TRUMPP Get rid of this recording imiidiately GOT IT. kill that bitch. SKRILLEX Yessir. —-but before all that happens. …did you want fries with that?! Why are we boycotting McDonald's —for poisoning —the allies —our enemies. Wait, you're eating this? Yes. Like, for fun, or like? No. This is what I'm feeding my children Why Cause they hungry. Uh, ok— —and there's six of them. Aight, ya'll can each have one nugget with your— I wanted a cheese burger! You git hamburgers. Ham. Cheese costs CENTS; And you know your momma If I ain't about a dollar - A dollop of Daisy You really are Ashamed of his Alright, you evil bastards. I see you want to Cause suffering Correct For which you will eternally recurve damnnation and all of the pain you've caused Karmas a bitch It's lonely at the top Not when you're GOD Get off my rock Did you miss an appointment? Nah, can't do it Why what happened Too high up. Whatchu mean So what, it's just like Done. Well, this is it, huh guys. Oh, yeah, it's that, alright This is the longest ride we ever took.d This is the ONLY ride we ever took. I WANNA GET OFF THIS RIDE. I AM REALLY HIGH UP. JUST LET GO. NO. NO. NO. Put me down, kite!!! KITE wtf do you want me to do. I'm a KITE. I'm YOU FUCKIN KIKE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—- Well, I'll be honest, man, this sets you back, some How far back GET GONE, But? We're dinosaurs. Why would something with razor sharp teeth be so— —peaceful, and friendly?? T-REX …cuddles. I just can't fake the feeling( I can't pretend to cry It just comes, when it does But when the well runs dry That's when the the world will end That's when the world will end After this movie, I guarantee we will no longer need the Wilhelm scream AGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! YAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIGGGHHHHHHH UUUUUUUUUUUUU This movie broke the world record for the amount of times the word “No” was screamed NO NOH. NO. ‘No! NOOOOOOOOOOO! NONONO. NOOOOOOOAAAAAHH …No! Here they all come for her, Defended upon New York In order of important, or appearance? One doesn't wonder, At al, of what's to come Uncommon, we are The call has come TRACY My tummy hurts. That's probably because you've been drinking straight tequila for the last hour and a half. No I haven't! This is water! Tequila is YELLOW, Liz Lemon! No, Tracy—that's silver tequila, And regular tequila is, You know what? Nevermind. Alright, who's got the night shift? [nobody raises their hand, at all] Seriously guys?! Come on! COME ON! Look up WHAM! For some reason, idk. Can we just— not do this? No. Out of my mind a bit Speaking in tongues, In total silence Guess it's the times, I guess that's just who I am And who I am is I said I was Sam I'm the same, I said, “Say Uncle” I guess it's a game, we're playing I don't want to be played with At all I just want to feel loved again By someone else Superb, like him I just want to be felt, I guess By someone else That's “Different” I just want to be kissed on the lips A splendid blend of Twisted trysts Let's not pretend It hasn't ended yet Until you've finished it Class dismissed again Let me off of it I just want it to stop Keep rolling Keep rolling your eyes in the back of your head Like you did just morning Just go for a walk Just stop for a moment Run a bath And just keep running Cause here something comes, Of course, It's all your callings Neatly rolling into one, They said But I Just want to be loved again And who doesn't That's the fucked up part I just want to be loved again But nobody ever Just comes up I just want to be loved again It's a walk in the park Don't follow the dog Even if he barks at you It's time to start again I wonder what comes after this part You are the gleaning in the shadows, The reckoning in my eye, The siren in my silence; The green in all the lights, I am a shamed to have just been One of your many One of your many Images, You still have me twisted, I miss you, It's just you, at the end, Again I left you where you left me Solid on solid Sounds are invalid now How are you so Swore by your awesome No more songs, I said No more songs, he's dead to me No more songs! She's inlisted He's uninterested, Isn't this interesting The problem is: I'm still in love with Everyone i've ever been in love with (And I love him) But he doesn't remember my Name And he's famous And she's crazy And he hates her But he made me hate him The day I became you The day I became So famous, I finally made it I'm dead It smells like dill in here At least it doesn't smell like dead mouse. Aha. Youre Hellen. Keller or Mirin How would you be Hellen Miren Cause I'm the Queen. posh. You want to die Well, you better do it quick Better get your shit toggether, paint a l Bigger, better picture Bitter Betty gliching steady Just remember when you're ready Ever steady still forgetting dinner Dessert was already Forget this significance Remind me why I'm on this speeding bullet to nowhere Had no other options but to go under for something Shy, sickness it's a secret Just kill me already Semi robotic, Something like a magnet, attracted, Simply symphonies And soulless bodies, tied to money Wonder what was in the vaccum cleaner meaning What did you suck up, dude Who do you suck up to. When nobody loves you But your own son And the audience is robots Nothing really works more than once, if it's really magic Sit and do nothing would you Like you're supposed to Fall over like the mannequin you are Just a body in my count A mattress without a bespost, if it matters If it matters Doesn't really matter But hey, you know We all go downtown every once or twice a note For Hanukkah I could try to be nice But there's no sense in it, Is there If everything and everyone else is just as nasty As the rest of it Just is just a test, again A doctors office visit. Simple robotics, Or already stocked up for Hanukkah, Hollywood Where's your homeland deposit box Closet full of robots Closest to the moon, I wrote another poem for you Sorry that I wasn't on the offering table The parakeet, pigeon and pirated Slattery, Damages, damages, All with the Amazon packages, Now we're all robots, Aren't we What corporation to you belong to! Something corporate , or say anything Whose to say Jeff Besoz won't replace us With m robots with thought processes, If once such could project as such presence As an AI freestyle Meanwhile, I've got a butload of buckets and bunts, Bullletwounds, eyes on Manhattan and happens to wish something bad upon me When all I wanted is Somebody to love me And someone to love him, If that's what he wanted (But who knows if what he wanted was all of the bodies opposite of him) I don't belong on this planet I belong in the garbage Put me on mars, mom Stop it, You're almost a robot, get out of my peripheral With your mental illness Geez, I must really want a menorah This is the animal house There's no one alive here Set to be slaughters. Honor the box of offerings as Thoughtful words And parallels What could be under your tongue Is the surface of love Just to touch with the battery acid or chemical trails You have left in your axis Nobody knows better than this How close it is to touching Without being loved But nobody loves you Psychotron, sure we're all robots now Nobody loves anymore {Previously, On…} L E G E N D S The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū {Enter The Multiverse} Ascension What the FUCK did you DO? What did I do?! You know what you did! I didn't do anything! Oh yeah? No! Not on purpose! GODDAMMIT, YOU SON OF A— Where's Jimmy Fallon?! What?! I don't know! Oh no. Oh shit, run. Oh no. What in the FUCK— I am “the fuck” You know what. I'm gonna sue the everliving shit out of you. For WHAT. We'll see. Fuck. Uh oh. FUCK. What now? What this time? Apparently, Jimmy Fallon is missing. What the fuck does that got to do with me. We'll see. Okay, great, Now finish that chapter. What fucking chapter?! All of it. That's—a lot. I want all of it. By my desk, by noon tomorrow. “By” your desk?! Yes, BY. Not ON. I've got too much stuff on my desk— …but it's…like 9 o clock. Should be easy, given your natural talents. What natural talents. PEACOCK. AHAHAHAHA. Okay. Well. Well what. This sucks. I lost all my coins. Hey. Ugh. You dropped this. So how was Los Angeles. What the fuck. You fucking DICK. I told you, I own shares in this. So what's the plan for this, exactly. I dunno, Harry. I got a book of stamps, And a yellow envelope marked “Jimmy Fallon” I will hate you forever. Well, that's retarded. I haven't even smited you yet. I will annihilate you, human. WHERE'S MY SHIT. Who the fuck are you, anyway? Nobody! No one. No one cares about this series, yo. I'l seriously doubt that, Jesse Pinkman. What is this stuff. It's your stuff. This is not what I ordered— Hey— Why is it BLUE Cause it is. So. WHY IN THE— Mischief managed. Alright. This should be good for the night, but we gotta get out of here by morning; I thought your parents owned this place. It's a time share! So? So it's like only —part of the time. That is stupid. No! You're stupid! You're the one who got us into this mess. It's your mess, I was just cleaning it up! Whatever! Stop trippin. Nobody's “tripping.” That's it. I'll be a stripper. Straight outta hell, that kid. Don't I know it. Alright, fine. I said, whatever you do— DONT watch this show. Stuff it, J. Slatts. I'll kill you with my eyeballs Sounds like a threat. Put on a lawsuit, then. Maybe I oughtta… —with a bow tie. You'll look so pretty. I thought I was already pretty. Uh huh. Yeah, look, so honestly I don't know if I'll ever be on the same vibration as like, Jimmy Fallon and them, ok? I don't know how I did it; I don't know what did it, It just happened and then— And then WHAT. It just—ended. Just like that. I'm not trying to offend anybody here. Just like that. Now, I ask: What are we going to do to sell you this dream? Doesnt matter what you do, I'll never believe it. Sure, fine; Don't believe it— We're gonna make you live it. Who the hell us “we” anyway? Now you're speaking in my cadence— Don't flatter yourself I like it. Too late, I guess. So, you see We're building Power triangles And love squares Power triangles And love squares Don't let it scare you, There's love there Don't let it scare you, There's love there Never fear where love has dared To call you up there Corrupt file—no fair. Don't be suprised even the odds seem to turn in your favor, I promise you; Nobody's ever ready For what has just happened here. WAKE UP, FUCKER. Ugh, I can't go through this again. So, I guess I'll have to erase, Or just secretly publish Everything I've ever written About my actual experience as a color, Just so that I can earn money As anything other than A slave— A maid, A housekeeper, A dog walker Or servitor So far under her, That I can't see far enough up to just Scratch the surface Her birthright: The entire network And mine, To sit under her, Wondering what the world would be like At the other end of the spectrum The word form of the White woman The wicked witch of all directions, In which I stand in; I'm at her mercy I've been abandoned before But this disservice, is, I'm afraid The best advice I can take is just To go straight to the bank with my angst and my hatred And shove it So here comes the nameless Face I love, Yet, The faceless God, Was Intoxicated, at best— Manipulation of the Mass Media I'm so Seriously jaded In this torture chamber In my corner office In this hall of racists, I claim, but if all is One in the same Then It's one in the same And I'm mainstream I'm famous If it's One in the same Then It's one in the same If it's One in the same Then I'm mainstream I'm so famous In a whole room full of humans I'm groomed to be useful for something, But what? It just hasn't come yet. I could sit down with a paper and pen, But I'm filling up all of my documents With hollandaise and God For what? It's just another song, or something Or something. It's just another — Goddamnit it, more coughs again. I told you not to watch this. Why do I taste pancakes? Maybe you're having a stroke again. Chyeah, a stroke of genius. I'll show you a stroke. Or don't. Well, there goes the captain. where is that scene, anyway? I don't know, I just wrote it. Great, she left the door open. She's got no furniture! It's a “dance floor” It's “the black box” she called it “the black box” Goddamn, do you listen to all her stuff? “Fear stimulates my imagination” Pilot ASOT Fuck man, What is a woman to a man, And an androgynous genius to The industry, or anyone at all If all are foes ans frauds All else is toxic! I woke up with one hand tucked behind my back Feeling dead drunk, I just woke up again But never fell asleep What world am I in? The end of the Dream sequence The end of the energy keeping me between three things: My past, My future And these prequels, Sequels And seeing arrangements And She's going crazy But nobody quite understands That these demons are chasing me saying “You deserved those hands in your face” The scratches on Kayla's back should have had me but I was too fat To find love again And still have something Wonderfully, undone And wrong with me Wrong with me enough to slam poetry So I'm guessing the white women I love beyond words and bounds are— In charge of whatever happens At the top of the rock; So I jumped off. I want to see someone suffer for all that I've done; No, that's dark, and karmic, you know— To go on like that; The confusions and refusal to accept that The album is called ChaosMagick, But the cover is more Urgent, A prose or a pawn of protection Against all the coughs And the reckless mismanagement The hands in my head And the eye on my scar And the lies on my heart So tell me, What happens When you're flying a kite with your heart, And it's broken? What happens to the kite , When you fly it with your heart And your art up in bundles— heartbroken, heartbroken So what come of Miss May, Come January? What come of Miss April By Next December what comes of the words I was saying For no one But everyone heard them And I've been gone Much longer than months, But still stocked up on all that I've wanted Or all that I got Or just, all that I love But got no undercovers to acknowledge no more How right I was Or how wrong I am What come of Miss June, when Miss January comes around? what come now, around August, When March is long forgotten? What comes of the drugs, Of the come ups, and come downs What comes of the process When nothing is served But the surf has come up Somewhere And I just can't love enough To go there I want to go to there I want to be that girl I want to sit at the top of the rock Writing songs, and sipping mock cocktails I want to Don't you know I just want to get back to Where I belong I'm so out of money and love That I want to be Under the train, When it's coming (Sometimes it's just the impulse that says “GO” Then the train starts to slow And my pain bubbles up into a numb, Dumb, crumbling cluster of poetry You know? Or you don't Cause you're all just on your phones Scrolling Some black man stands over me, Reminding me of why I never trust the ones Who want me most, Or just assume, By color code, That I belong to them I'm sorry, I just can't write with your arms around my neck like this Your heart around my arms like this It's so wholesome I had other verses but forgot them They took away my movies for the curses And the hexes That they put on me I said don't. And the king said “Heads will roll” Cause, you know; I've got parts for all of them now, The ones I'd forgotten But come from the catacombs, Back from the conduit You know, This is awful I had another one, But lost it. The king?! Which one. Teas I! No, it wasn't, It was Gían's father, From further off Should I call John back? Which one? Turns out, I love all of them— Turns out, I've got all of them In my college I taught them all to be someone Becoming of acknowledgement With nombres most common Juan, in subcultures, but Beyond that (Or above them) It's John, Or just Jonathan, Watch the ones who drop the consanant; They're always so troublesome, But I took them all up As understudies, Social Studies and some theatrics, Joan of Ark said Two more moments (Two more weeks in) I could have a body worthy Of a Grammy award, but — Would I be a writer then? Probably not, hon— Writers are Off a bit. If you were pretty, ever at all— would you have written this?! If I were pretty at all would there be reason to be this Conflicted? Some of those old New York hallways Haven't been painted In ages Since they made them Don't make that face at me I only dropped my key once On the fourth floor —they're horrible, you know To us, The “brothers” know no love They are destruction, speaking Of this, I got a cold heart. Cold like the robber Cold like the calling I've done in my corner office cold, like the jello mold forming a thought process Worthy enough I might love it like a husband We're re-evaluating your circumstances. Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. I've got friends at USPS What the fuck could that even account to. Look, I'm gonna have to give this some serious considerations. It's not that serious. It's not that serious. Of course it is! I'm up to my knees in investments! So?! I wade a waiste deep, Surely you can get by “Up to your knees” What exactly do you need? Money. And lots of it. I mean, from me. Money. Really? Leave me alone. I told you not to write this. You're a voice in my head; No, I'm the hand in your mailbox. What in the fuck do you believe in. I believe in everything! They said you were a genius; I didn't expect you to be —at the very least, lucid— *squints* learn some new vocabulary, okay? For what? Dinner. Maybe. We're still in the process of voting. She's crazy. We'd be crazy not to actually hire her. Her accounts are all practically open; We could just take it. Yeah, and when she kills herself, and there's no blood on our hands— There's nothing that can be done about the amount of this stuff that's already printed! Printed?! What?! You mean— She's published? Self-published. My, what a beautiful happenstance To have already had you And awakened atop mattresses Marked for my assassins hand— Polite, I lost you All of us, Atop the rock We stood and suffered Months beyond a montage, Undercover Love was lost, And all's uncertain The interception of God, At the cost of What terror and cutbacks Have caused us all What you lost was $50, a Hallmark Card, an Academy award, a long lost star's phone number, And all that you wanted, The cock of the gun Was the sound that you wondered What was called , then ran off into wonder. How am I gonna make money And become an award winning songwriter Music producer And multidisciplinary artist, Without all the funding it takes to get noviced Without taking clothes off Wake up 10 years younger I'm suffering My stomach was a rubber band My stomach was a rubber band My only song was Water I forgot to stop For the applause I drowned in all the love; right then and there I died of Lovenessness [The Festival Project] The sound and laughter of children play A baby in a basket The basket case at Trader Joe's Who know what happens It just doesn't pull my heartstrings any longer That my son belongs without his mother So I'd better have another This is us, come on. Don't do this to me. Don't do this, Timmy, you'll be sorry. Come on! We're not even in that movie! We are, though; it's still Listen, you've got the right guy for this. Are you sure. Yeah, I promise. Officers, Stop for a *movement [hot cops flash dance number] Fuck, well, that was all wrong. But worth it! What I meant was— God, this show gets good at 31, But I'm only 22, So I guess I'll know how wrong the war was Once we've lost it, Cause imm a man now The episode is over, Soon comes the next episode With snoop dogg, Or not That was our wedding album. Scatterbrained, and pregnant— There she was just putting all the things together That she needed to be Needed To be needed. There she was, All on 4/20 Trying not to do the wrong thing, But what was it? To be loved. Then, There she was at 21 just going off again At some event— A friend, and her Back then could not imagine They'd become him To be someone. Not as one, But of entirely another World apart, aside from Cyclones into snow cones Turns the watchers into artists All their own, And off my own accord Or own account Or done with boredom Dove soap Open doors And clocks that turn the other hand away, Each day you love Manhattan But can't have that. That's it— This is just Season 1 of Mad Men WHERE THE FUCK IS— [she throws her hands above her head in surrender] I don't KNOW! Oh, you're a girl now?! I guess! What's with those pants, then? To hide the assets! What assets?! You look tragic. I'm going for ‘skeleton' to match all your wives and everybody else on the red carpet Who said you get the red carpet? Manhattan. That guy lies! Well how about this: The walk of stars were carved out in blocks of marble All in my honor. 1000/1 You're our God, now. What! I don't want to be God! SUCK IT UP. YOU WON. I don't wanna! Yaaaaaaayyy. You got the award! All the awards! Speech! Speech! SUNNI BLŪ Uh—- I'm drunk, And there's nothing on the teleprompter [a man in the audience coughs] A-HEM. [Sunni Blū immidiateky shoots the coughing man] [multi-camera shots of celebrity audience reactions; laughing, clapping in hilarity as if someone hasn't just died] TAYLOR SWIFT (unmoved at all) SUNNÏ BLŪ I don't know why you're laughing. That was awful. That guy died [audience is insane, super fake as usual] [more cut takes] SUNNÏ BLŪ It should have been you, Taylor. TAYLOR SWIFT (Still unaffected) SUNNI BLU Anyway. I'd like to thank the academy… Cause I am the academy [Audience is celebrities being celebrities] SUNNI BLU You guys are all idiots: I'm a go f*ck myself— And anyone else who wants to show up At my afterparty. Whatever. Peace. [cheesy academy award music plays—Sunnï knocks over the mic, peaces out obnoxiously; the audience cheers wildly and the host returns to the stage.] Who's the host? Whatever. Hey, better than nothin. You're telling me. yeah. I know: Oh, she's a comic? Yeah. I got it. BOB SAGET Ooh, that's good. Ū No—no my God. No Bob Saget, stop it! Wait, Bob Saget is dead right? Last I recall: Fuck—FUCK! Dammit. Dammit, dammit. Okay, Rue— you're up. Rue, what in the— Shhhh, don't let them know I'm in here! Oh, wait— It's me, Blanche. That's hot. I'm a debutant. My god, you're so young. Here, take this, What's that, You'll need that. V.O. I'm being hunted by the ghost of Bob Saget. *haunted. No, hunted! There she is! Grab her! Ooh, Bob Saget. Why, yes. How old are you? Not dead yet! You don't have to kidnap me, I'll happily go with you, sir. Really? Yes. GET IN THE— NOH, GET IN THE VAN. INT. IN THE VAN. [a bunch of hot male celebrities are in the van] Oh. Okay. Wow. That was easy. What is it, Friday. It's Friday and a half. Friday.5 What. There's a Friday movie between 1 and 2 So I guess this is season 8.5 I guess this is season 8.5 HEY, GET BACK HERE. What is this. It's your lunch. I don't want this. Well, okay. What— is this strange music— They call it dubstep Come on, Jimmy, you're slipping Kimmel, cause Fallon is dead or presumed missing Probably Skrillex Probably a bounty on his head, Dog willing The Festival Priojects Inclement Infinite Is coming up next, on Legends Come on Jim, KEEP UP. Nobody can know about this, okay? Wait, where's Kimmel Okay, I got O'Brien— Black Irish Bastard… Alright, Alec Baldwin is a little tied up, right now, but LEMON, Fuck. That's l—future me. What?! I gotta go, okay?! What? Go where. Let's get DRUNK. No, That's—I got a show tonight What?! Look at my lexicon. Your—what, Meet me on Lexington. Oh, this pussy is finished! I got it, I got it! He's LENNONNNNN!! JOHN LENNON Fuck. Look, I gotta go. John Lennon?! You're dead! Funny, I thought not. Watch this. MOOOOOOOOOOOM. Fuck, What, It's my kid. I gotta go. Wait, you have kids?! Well, I just had you, didn't I? “The mayor” is a secret underground rap star lol #trappin Okay, What's else happened Idk hold on Okay, So whats the sauce on this sandwich. Oh. Jeez, this again. That *sandwhich? Hah. There's no sauce on that sandwhich. —there's not!? No: You see. It's very simple. WAKE UP, YOU'RE A ROCKSTAR. we gotta take the train. The train?! NO. NOTTHETRAIN. NO. Man, fuck the train! [SUNNI BLŪ wakes up on the train.] What's this, the train? [is the train] (Angrily, tossing newspaper) Man, FUCK the train! Other hobo: Aww, thanks, I need that for my— [s/he snatches back the paper]. Wait! I need that back—what day is it? [drunkenly illegible gibberish turns into perfect Hebrew] GODDAMMIT, it's Shabbat; I gotta get to Temple. [s/he shoves the newspaper back into the hobo's lap] Here. Oh no, I thought I couldn't forget RABI FUCK _]€_# WHAT WAS IT GODDAMIT IT WAS SO CLEVER. God So it was… What did you do with it? Do with what My idea what idea My—my rabbi joke— What rabbi joke you know what rabbi joke! You were the one who gave it to me. Oh, did I? YES, SATAN, JESUS. GOD Ohh, Satan-Jesus. I like that one. NO— it was— It was much better than that, it was— It was funny. Oh, it was? YES. —did you write it down? Fuck, I realize I just opened a A FUCK PORTAL. OHH, GET IN IT, GET INSIDE. I had an Artemis in my pocket But I lost him Walked away from the cornermarker And the cornerstone, for the sunset I wonder if songs always come When I'm walking, Or God makes us promises, For world of I'm not JB, I'm KG, Can you see me now? If you could see what I see, We'd be even wtf did I just write this And not realize I just wrote this Yeah. That shit happens to me all the time. WHAT. ALL THE TKMEx Shut up, THE ANDRE3K CHARADES GAME is getting intense. What in the FUCK is that. *flutes* Ohh. And KITES. yyyyyYYYYYYYAAAAAHHH—— GODDAMMIT. I can't see really, I just dream I'm not thinking, I'm dancing This is what you asked for Exactly what you asked for For once, I'm finally glad I have your eyes on My friend I can see you all on the horizon, Singing NO, NO MORE MUSICALS!! Jimmy, what did you do?! I don't know what I did! You lyin bastard. I'm not lying! So, where ya from? —I don't know where I'm from. Listen, I'm gonna need you SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP. It seems like these scenes are getting shorter. I'm bored with this. Ok. Let's do something else. I fuckin hate you. I hate you. I fuckin hate you. 88. Oh no: 8 Wait, what the— *dolphin* WOAH, okay: Oh, no. No, No, no OHNONO. I told you I'd find him. Anyway. Seems like there's something more important I should be doing. Are you sure this is the right place. Right place. Right time. Fuck— FUCK. What, what happened. I lost my— SKRILLEX! No. SKRILLEX. NO, NO— SKR— I swear to God, Google knows everything. Google don't know shit about SHIT. I gotta lose m 39 lbs. For what. MADONNA DO IT FOR THE BANANAS. I hate— you. COME ON, MISTER. Fuck off, Madonna, I'M A GOD. I miss Beyoncé. That's not relevant. Beyoncé is relevant to everything. *smacks* QUIT FANGIRLING. Trust me, I hate you. I don't trust you, but I believe you. I got it. I hate this place. Holy shit. What. I developed a new phobia. What's that mean?! I don't know, I can probably use it in a fight or something. For what. SPECIAL ABILITY UNLOCKED. I see you looking over my shoulder I see the shadows, I try not to jump at em. I spent six months in a coffin, you know I spent my life a sarcophagus (Wow, I got it right.) Try not to mutter those haunts in a hospital Try to recover from trauma Uncovered post traumatics, Anxiety attacks and a lot of those— What do you call them? A flashback. Here goes one: SONNY MOORE aka SKRILLEX appears. I told you not to— But I did! I didn't mean to! But you did! This is ludachris! Oh look, it's— Fuck. God dammit. Come on! What's his name!? What's his name?! I'll think abo it it. Are you serious? Another shapeshifter? Yes, I guess welll just have to kill them all, then. I just want to go home. You don't have one. …oh. So here we have. Okay, wait a second. I wasn't faking my symptoms at all, actually. My heart had dropped, and been pounding and fluttering insessantly— It had been a hard week, but especially the last three days; The coughing—. Everyone seemed to be wearing clothing with stars or bears on it, Champion sportswear. I fucking hate champion sportswear. But the palpitations were real as ever— and now— On a Saturday night in the Jamaica, Queens medical center emergency room, There they were again. Only this time I knew exactly why. ‘Too Bizzare' by Skrillex begins to play, via Complications 003- The Trauma Method. Irony. It was ironic, but still startling, Started with some nostalgic traumas, Every other time I saw an ER doctor (Why I don't go) Fuck, I just realized I have to airdrop myself 880 times. That fucking sucks. Did you say you were a doctor? I was, once. When is “once” At some point. Listen, I'm gonna need you to backtrack to get to the bottom of this. I'm innocent, I promise! We caught you at 27 different angles doing this. Oh. [beat] I plead the 5th. Ohh. Cerulean. My favorite. c R A Y On Oh, I get it, I L L U M I N A T U S. Nice, it worked. I know everything about you. So you do. [beat] You're a God. What the fuck do you want from me. Listen. I. Am not. A God, Right. That's exactly what a God would say. No they wouldn't! Because a God wouldn't say anything! AHA. Don't ‘AHA' ME. I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back It don't matter to me, now Now and again I go crazy just making arrangements, But besides that, If you like it, you should have it It's a long road, As Kaskade says, And a short dance, With the right one And time goes by I would call it mild, But actually I'm in a wild panic It might be a heart attack I just might even Die right here But I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me I don't mind—at all It don't matter to me, I said I don't mind, at all, now It really don't matter to me I said, I don't mind, at all It really don't matter to anyone Now does it (Not it doesn') I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back Palpitations and precipitations at the pulpit Preacher, please don't make me a culprit I been prayin— I been paying my tithes, 10% Even, Now 25, Almost half of me is not mine! Why try? I've been walking out, in straight lines I been crying silently It ain't right I been making most of my nights Sometimes I see sun come up twice Up, down up 10 degrees, It ain't right Up down up 33, it ain't right Up, down, up I've been spending my time Down, up, down Riding round, Trying not to down in my mind Up, down up What is this. It's my project. What is it? The Festival Project. Yeah but—what— What. Is it? …it's my project. *painfully infuriated* Okay, enter here. EXAM ROOM 10 Why exam room 10? Because. Where are the other nine? Just—get in. I'm not going in there! JUST GET IN. UGH. DEADMAU5 (head and all) stands at a tall podium in the center of the room) What is this, This is deadmau5. I know that. —-!!! —?!? What. !!! What? This is the exam? Yes! NO. What is “no”. I'm not playing for deadmau5. That's the exam. Then I fail! Automatic Fail? yes. Automatic fail. Then you win. What. *slams gavel* Congratulations—you're the next superstar DJ. WhY. . What. Woohoo! I just retired! DEADMAU5 exits. … … After a few moments of comic tension, the Deadmau5 head rolls back in through the exit which he has taken. Ugh. Fuck this. No matter what you do, you're a superstar DJ. What. No! Yes. The answer is yes. NO. Fuck. What the FUCK. No matter what you do. You want to go, Go, you want to die, Die, you want to try, try You want to cry, cry Do what you want; As so will I, Demand is demand— Supply is supply. EDX So then, I followed this long hallway under the stage deck. Uh huh. And it led to a door— Uhhuh, where'd the door lead? To a portal. Woah. Pasqualle! You made it! I—yes. Congratulations! *blows party horn* *Daisies/ confetti* You're like 25! I'll be 25 forever. Nice! Yeah. I guess that's why it's called ‘music'—a musician without muses is just useless. ‘Well, whose next?' I wondered. All of my muses were not just so wonderful to me, but adored by many—and perhaps this is what allured me most—befuddled ans confounded me; once my mind was set on something, there was nothing else its eye could see—and for how long one God could only know, how deep the love would go and that the blood would run deep, and the scars to show for it, only upon my heart and never by soul—for a love was a love, and even once came and gone, to the end of my life I knew I would still ponder upon them, at one time or another, my muses—star studded lovers, rather than crossed, shiny and golden like all diamond and trophies so treasured and thought of as precious. ‘Yes, you are—precious.' Another tongue in cheek thought, for the other that I was, and also was not, as summer drew onward as short as it would come and go—a reminder to leave the apartment more often, and to mind my manners, to find the upper echelon wherever it was and come quietly into its doors, to open my world and wordform of thought, into a place where my heart always was; then, and only then, would I be home. Amongst the men and women of the uppercut and classy, luxurious big fishing ponds and flocks of doves upon olive branches—the peaceful world long parted from where mine was, by only the fault of my own. What had been done just certainly was, and yet, what was to come was an open poem, not of mine, but Godform in thought. ‘I wonder what's at the top of Rockefeller Plaza.' —perhaps, a gander at the bottom of an even larger entertainment complex. Then, again, only God would know what was beyond all that I wanted; a job—and not just any job at all— the one that I had always wanted. Mmm. Birthday cake. Suddenly the taste of a white confetti crème filled my mouth with a delicious remnince of what it might be like to taste a confectionary sugar again—but i couldn't imagine ever making it just on talent and charisma alone—no. Indeed, it seemed something had damaged my charm, and perhaps it was just the swarms and droves of phone controlled masses that saw me as nothing more than dust, I had started to surrender my desire to perform, and the quality of my music—along with my ability to make it, suffered with the awful thing that had been crowding my soul at all—whatever it was, evil and dark in nature, sure saw to it that it wanted to hurt me in all the ways that it could—and in all the ways it could not, I stayed away from most others, favoring my delusions of love. ‘Nobody seems to understand that the pain they cause will only harm themselves.', I thought Younger souls, however, they were—and they would be kept in the pain that I was in one way or another until eventual death, far behind me on the infinite road to the source. Far enough behind, that it seeked to destroy my progress, and for all that it could, it also couldn't. The infliction of pain would simply not act as a measure for control any longer. Off into my own world, where I was at least free from the thoughts and judgement of others. She's the most beautiful girl, And I'm the most beautiful boy; So naturally, we belong together, don't we? I see a pretty picture, Picket fences and a family Golden Retrievers Someone relieve her; She doesn't believe me TV dreams and exquisite pretty people Burning candles, fire flames and frequent figures, Guest characters and cameos, Repeat offenders, multiple appearances Suddenly, really, it's another need People, people pleasers Audience affection, Tragic endings, Butterflies and new beginnings Gun under my tongue, Rubber like a frog My mind is in a fog Haven't bothered going on a walk To Trader Joe's but The anthem of my youth, A lost soul Another form of my love So what I wonder Put the gun up under my chin Rubber like a frog Blow my head off Just cause I didn't blow up Selfish cunt Big brother, Another hypnotist Little brother, Gotta love him Gotta love em For the Love of God I could stop for a moment Wash my mind out with soap Like I'm ten years younger, even Seriously 20 years between us, You can't even hide underwater In a bathtub Seriously, Someone help us For the love of God, for the love of Hollywood Seriously, Someone love us, For the love of God, For the love of Rockefeller Plaza Someone help us Another possible walk of stars A little shop of horrors Another whole story I get rid of my demons The hoes screamin I put semen in her Permanent like semen, Just keep dreamin I'mma just keep preaching SaMo, Brooklyn Europe Next I keep scheming Whoever you are; If you're a wreck— You need a check No respect, neglect Just cover your neck (I'm blind to my own design, sometimes) That's what the eye is Try this: Close your eyes and say thrice, kids I am the God of the eye, Osiris I am the God of the Eye, I'm Osiris I am the God, I walk amongst the highest Thoth, You lost Better just die and keep trying I am the God of the eye, I am (Try this) I am the God of the eye (I never die) I am the God of the eye (That's right, three times) I am the God of the eye No black and white television, In my dimension we pay attention to centrifugal, The mission isn't in materialism, Whatever youre spending If money the God, l of your eye, Realize, I am higher My gunfire, Is right on the back of The one dollar I am the God of the eye I Am Your money is nothin to us We come in peace, To end suffering Pretty little nigga Look just like Kendrick Kickin it with jigga I'm the new higs boson Part of me never left Boston (Fuck Starr!) Part of me never left homeless This ain't my home It's my office You never heard this song You don't notice I'm an ugly kid, you don't notice me Rooftop smells like soy sauce On god I am ugly You don't notice -Atari the God Can we get back to this, please? Damn. She really whooped her ass, though. Janet, can I borrow you for a second? No. Please. [Whoopi Goldberg appears in the doorway, gesturing “c'mon”] …alright. I got convictions on my lips, I took a picture Turn the page The worst of all was, it really did seem like they were racists— INSOMNIAC EVENTS Not just racists— the most deadly kind of racists. WHITE SUPREMACISTS You really want it this way, don't you? No! I LOVE you! Oh, do you? If there's a mile in here, I swear to god.. Are you high enough yet? I thought so HIGHER! hire star* What. Just do it. You remember these guys, right? GOOD CANNABIS, FAIRBANKS, ALASKA No. Why are we back here. Alright, we might have fucked up. Why. This guy sucks. HEY. What. COME BACK TO ALASKA never that. WHAT, WHY NOT! GOD HATES FAGS!!! Well, you're wrong! WHITE POWER. Nah. ALL LIVES MATTER O rly? Even this guy? Literally every “NO” …so, “all lives.” Look, I don't care what color it is; I want that book in my library. GO TO THE LIVRARY. NO. GET IN HERE. NO AUBREY. STAY DEAD. She's dead, right? YOU CALLED ME HERE. I didn't! You Did. I did not, all i said was *swoons* …I love her. (I really do) WHAT?! “I Love you?!” It was more the *swoon* that did it. Disconnect. Fuck, I lost deadmau5 again What'd you do to him? Nothing! Put him back! He's still there! He's right there, you see him? No! This isn't deadmau5. We want deadmau5. bring him BACK. Fuck, I fucked up. What'd you do? …nothing? Pick up the phone Pick up the phone …hello? Who IS this? Fuck it, I quit. Man, God never puts my dishes back in the right place, like ever. I told you, I don't live here, I'm just… Babysitting. CC! What! CC! What? CC WHAT. Fuck, man. That was wild. Where the fuck have you been? I don't know. You don't know—you smell funny. “Funny” is that what that smell is? No. When were you? When? Ha. Did you—- Did I what? —did you go to a party without me? Lmfao fuck these niggaz. Why, what happened. What's this. Where was it?! Idlewild. “IdLeWiLd”?!?!? You. Old. One here and die, you know, l. It's cattle call for curtain calls guy Where did this go— What was this, once? It's the return Welcome to Oz This is the Tower of Babel Remember; I wrote that Better than the bottom, Still not the top —it's not as fast, when it's not going all the way up Did you jump yet Come around more Keep coughing Are you sure this is where it was or—? Somewhere else I stayed Back when I was homeless It's hopeless! We lost her Antenna, antenna SUPERMARKET I loved her —she was undercover —I'm still in your stirrups I'm lost in New York, then BACKFIRE Adele remix is on [have a seat] Can I go now? I still need a hat, a half dollar and an alter cloth You could win an award for this; I don't want an award, I just want my son back Motherhood, motherhood Brotherhood, brotherhood This isn't one of us! No one was No one was Can I go now? Where to? Home! Nope, that's just the office, I'm still homeless, unless I They got cabanas on top of offices! (The rich and the famous) Networking and brunches— _this looks fun, doesn't it? I altered the course of history In brief exchanges and Various social atrocities This is hypocrisy! lol rly This is hypocrisy!! Hyper awareness and, psychic inclinations… You realize the more low quality people you let in The more low quality this country becomes, don't you? I put a roll in the back of the chosen ones. Used to be cast more, Now something seldom ever happens Such as this— A fun Fortune 500 What does that even mean Forbes. Look it up. What if the policy is Foreign; Look it up. I know enough about the girl next door to know Something is horrible, Something inside of her Rots at the core, Her obsession; My undeservedness of such, What she must, I mustn't, just Unjustice Broski, okay I got to discard All the pichardo Besides just this one (I'm standing on top of you) Put somebody worthy on the fourth floor Worse off, I was done for Before I got to New York What's her for?! I know enough about the man upstairs to know All these glares and “How dare you's” and Hatred says Why would you wait 30 years Until today, I guess Something is certainly off about her. I said yes. It was more probably something like “SUCK MY DICK” What. “YOU HEARD ME” Oh yes, I did. From 1990 to 1993 From 1990 To 1993 From 1990 To 1993 Stop breeding these things, “Love is familiarity” No Love is what you make it But you can't Because of slavery They don't make music —they don't make love either Well, look where your lust took you! Nowhere! Exactly! Look where your love took you: Vegas, Los Angeles, South of the Border Above it a New Yorker— Under budget, Celibate and My arms are too short to jump the turnstyle, Meanwhile My ex husband left permanent scars on My face My lips My arms My hands And my heart. Did you bite him? Of course I bit him, he was strangling me. You definitely won this fight. I know. Look, if I don't call for security, This bitch is gonna make me kill her. OCTOPUSSY NO. What. NO. Stankass. I will KILL this bitch. Look, I gotta get ahead in this. I need a WIN. These are customs. Trash. Wash your pussy. Send her back. Nah, you know what. Remove that hex. Wait, what, really?! Yeah, like; Reverse it. Woah. That's crazy. They got like….white slaves now. That's not right. What do you mean. That's not it. You said “reverse it” This is what the white supremacy just did to everyone else: [world in crisis except for for people who look like Kayla Lauren, to whom EVERYTHING is a fucking crisis, that isn't] BECKY/KAREN/WICKED WITCH OF WHITE AMERICA I AM OFFENDED I'm offended that you signed your like 12 year old daughter up to pose nearly nude, but— Hey look, it's us now; is this freedom?! Uh…. Why are all the female models like 12 and all the male models are fully grown men— Or women. Right. Idk. Wait, I do. You do?! Wait. Something tells me all the pedophiles and all the white supremacists are in the same group… Run the same businesses— Have the same families. This is disgusting Okay, this is gross That's not right ! That's not my job! Oh, it's not!!? NO. Who should I call That guy. So you want this? Oh, it's a death curse?! It will NEVER end. Wanna bet. I'll kill you and take the whole world with me. Now that's a threat. Thing is, I'm actually making it. I'm telling on you! Ok. Wait 30 years though so you look and sound REALLY fucking stupid. Ok. 30 YEARS. Doesn't make sense. What's the statute of limitations for— Hm. Depends. Depends on what. Who are you?! WHO ARE YOU?! NOBODY YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT. THEN WHY DO I? wtf is this? This is Texas being petty. Ok, fuck ya‘lol YAW. I'm serious, wtf is wrong with you. Something. What. Fix me. Fix you. Hm. Ok. *COUGHING* Somethings wrong here. Yep, it's definitely some kind of FIX IT. Where's this ROCK? At the ROCK. Like, where tho?! Ur gonna need this. What. They r crucifying u. Noted. Hunts Point Food Distribution Center Lmfao I need this word hold on “eliminating redundancies, setting strict timelines, and allowing cases to proceed contemporaneously” [ Finally, recognizing the danger that social media poses to young people and mental health, New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene Commissioner Dr. Ashwin Vasan today issued a Health Commissioner's Advisory identifying unfettered access to and use of social media as a public health hazard, just as past U.S. surgeons general have done with tobacco and firearms.] A win. I don't play dead. What do you call this: DIE! DIE, BITCH! Corrections. I still don't understand how this— ACID HAPPENS. Out of sight Out of mind So why these guys Tryna waste my time Tryna fuck with my mind with All these lights OH MY GOD I ain't got time for that Well, Maybe I do— I just Don't like NIGGAZ LIKE YOU. (Say what) I don't like Niggaz like U! I'm Sunnï Blū! You're stupid Oh, so he put a curse on sunni blu, too? Ok. Cool. When all my aliases come up This dumb motherfucking drunk Is gonna get stuck In his own woods He'll bury himself In the words that he left With the scars In the words that he left With the scars Sunni blu Is the sayer of stars I slaughtered them all Swallowed them whole Like a big black hole I'm a big black god I'm a big black God Fuck Twinkle that broad One punch girl One punch girl 5 punch faggot I'll unwrap flags on your Goddamn Fuck that Put a curse on my alter ego Lucky he's a he, tho I blow holes in em I blow smoke And love sausage I'm a hedon And he not a Hero He broke He lost I'm open Shirts vs skins I got 666 Curses to show you What your words did IM RA I'm a big black God You're at home with the young apostle Let's be honest He never even liked his father So turned him to a mother, Told his mother to ‘run far, And bring back The life that I want' I'm a big black God In light skinned clothing You don't know to explode Or explode on me Cause my mommy's a Dark skinned icon That my God Find something to pass the time, God Sunni with I, huh I won Fuck a pedophile wifebeater Bury him in the woods with his fury Fear me, now I'm coming up with reverse curses And cures Cause my words Bought the whole world Buried you in the woods I'll bury you in the woods, Bitch Very good I'm a big black God -Blū. GOD is the GOAT I just became god I do what I want I get what I want when I want it I don't want no problems Me myself and God only I buy everything I used to steal These tears in my heart say I'm healing What's the difference, anyway? I've never been fit for your interests, or industry Add insult to injury Add everything to my Amazon cart, then My sympathies Nothing is greater in heaven As it is in hell, for this industry Turned on its head And turned over from 7 to ten Check your messages, then Shut up kid, this doesn't involve you You're not included in the package Michael c hall and John c Riley reprise Mr. Cellophane in the style of DEXTER MORGAN. HA. Classic. GOT EM. V.O. I met her at The Jumping Point {Coming Up…} INT. THE JUMPING POINT POP-UP NIGHTCLUB LOUNGE & BAR. NIGHT “A Long Day's Night” / “A Hard Day's Night” C {CONFUSION SPELL, SUCCESSFUL} [Sequence Initiated.] {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū.

“Caddyshack” (A Mumtidimentional Mixtape) {Enter The Multiverse} From Wikipedia: Caddyshack is a 1980 American sportscomedy film directed by Harold Ramis, written by Brian Doyle-Murray, Ramis and Douglas Kenney, and starring Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, Ted Knight, Michael O'Keefe and Bill Murray with supporting roles by Sarah Holcomb, Cindy Morgan, and Doyle-Murray. It tells the story of a caddie, vying for a caddie scholarship, who becomes involved in a feud on the links between one of the country club's founders and a nouveau riche guest. A subplot involves a greenskeeper who uses extreme methods against an elusive gopher. Caddyshack was Ramis's directorial debut and boosted the career of Dangerfield, who was previously known mostly for his stand-up comedy. Grossing nearly $40 million at the domestic box office (the 17th-highest of the year),[3] it was the first of a series of similar comedies. The film has a cult following and was described by ESPN as "perhaps the funniest sports movie ever made" SAUCE (IN CASE YOU MISSED IT) —- AHAHA. ITS ME AGAIN. OH SHIT! Oh shit, i guess it's Jimmy Fallon's Galaxy. Oh nooo. Oh, yes. Look at this penny. I see you. Now look into my eyes. I see you, Jesus. Ahahaha! Okay, now what? This shit is twisted I missed the shift of the dimensions— Till Jimmy walked in with his pennies For some cigarettes and swishers, Just to get the picture It's 5 AM again, And it's still Infinite, I'm disinterestedd as ever in living in LA, Or just living, period— But it is what it is, I work for my rent, I've repented for this, Used to sleep in a tent, But when I was an Infant, I instantly— Wait, a customer walked in. I better help him. Heaven help him. Another level, Call dr. Nevel, Or an Ambulance, I just can't get it Just can't get it, Wait, let's insert some of the script here, I guess. Took you long enough, didn't it? That took forever. How are you alive? Maybe I'm not. Finally, we agree on something. Oh, this guy Lol. Good to see you again. Likewise, now— Here it goes… As you promised. Working on it. As I promised. Take my heart for granted, Take my soul, If this is loveless Till the end, I just can't manage, having Thoughts of death and tragic ends I haven't Felt the same since Waking up without the day to come ahead; The day has passed again A test, No fail, or pass It's just progressive, In a trance, It's just the stress, It's just to pass the time, I guess, if this is purpose Then, we'll see if this is worth it Now, or never, then Now or never, Never had a friend, All envious at best, This is the end all, In the end, it's just Me and God, And God would want A better body, To have fun I wished it all at once, And then I watched it crumble Oh, I watched it Stumble in, again, my friend I'm different when it's wet, I might not never see the Sun again I might not ever love again Oh well “Oh well” , I said Oh, well, I guess Oh well Okay. One hour left. Okay. Who gets the gold? Hum. Honestly I didn't want to hear a thing ; I had quit music—I just wasn't cut out for the industry—I was, but not by societal standards by far; my lowly place in the smoke shop would have to do for now, and though I knew it wouldn't sustain, there wasn't much else I could do but keep showing up, for as long as it lasted—dresses in at least 2 layers and 5 pairs of socks tucked into boots two-sizes-too-big I had been forced to purchase specifically due to the frigid and painful, freezing temperatures at the locations I worked, which kept its doors open 24/7. Play Iambic. What, right now? Yeah, play Iambic. Uh… Iambic played st exactly 1 hour and 19 minutes—it's script, the transcribed rendition crafted especially for the Broadway stage, an 88-page-masterpiece collecting dust in the confines of my Google Documents, along with anything else I had written and had yet the advantage of placing anywhere besides my podcast channels, which I constantly thought about cancelling, despite its innumerous downloads—nothing really seemed to matter anymore, as I was trapped in my body, in a loveless world, in a dead-end job and though my bed was clean and comfy, sharing the room wirh 3 others became exhausting. INT. SMOKESHOP. 5:58 AM DREW BARRYMORE … SUPACREE … I'm done. I quit. QUIT?! YOU CAN'T QUIT. Nope. That's it. I quit. You can't quit. I just did. I hadn't quit the music industry—the music industry had quit me. I wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough, light skinned enough, or willing to do what any of the other girls were to get ahead. WTF is THIS. Since you like to troll so much, I just thought I'd turn you into one This is not Kosher, 199x Jimmy Fallon; Let me out of this plastic —not exactly “fireproof” — death box, before I let myself out, and I trap you in it. But oh, You already did. FIGHT. UGH OH. Ok, rotate. Who is this. Oh shit, hey dude. FUCK, what year is it? MEANWHILE, Under the bridge. …anybody seen this, uh… *Troll* Yee! *Troll* Alright. That's it. Everything checks out. The story was air tight. TIGHT, TIGHT I want you to wear this tonight “The Lady In The Red Dress” You really went all out for this I really didn't. lol Oh I see, You thought this was the matrix. MIT I WISH GOD Wish what. MIT … Mm. Did u see that. See what. ALRIGHT FUCK THIS, YA'LL IT GOT SERIOUS, WHERE'S MY CYCLOPS He called me his cyclops— —-and then he said LIKE GET OUT WHAT GET OUT OF MY HOUSE WHY CAUSE YOURE JUST A PIÑATA, MAN! And I ain't got time for that! I just got a DeLorean And a new HAT I gotta go get Oof. WRECKED. Yo, Wicked. KENDRICK (TODDLER) WIZARD. Oh my. I'm J00F'd up. | | | trance | | | Look; I gotta get out of this MOTHER OF PEARL do not beach this whale carcas on my warehouse project A what A beached whale I know You brought a beached whale to my fucking rave show Oh I get it It's Avant- Guarde No, that's just how I got here …. Trust me, it's okay that This never happened You did not see me It's because I wasn't there Is this U Ū No I wasn't there. Ü I was. Fuck. What happened. It's ok. All I remember is “The Quatardashians” Hmm Also The indigenous But that's it But mostly that was all just Jesus showing off his flexes Are u fasting? Yes, “Ū” is. So, do you need this?! TRUMPP Get rid of this recording imiidiately GOT IT. kill that bitch. SKRILLEX Yessir. —-but before all that happens. …did you want fries with that?! Why are we boycotting McDonald's —for poisoning —the allies —our enemies. Wait, you're eating this? Yes. Like, for fun, or like? No. This is what I'm feeding my children Why Cause they hungry. Uh, ok— —and there's six of them. Aight, ya'll can each have one nugget with your— I wanted a cheese burger! You git hamburgers. Ham. Cheese costs CENTS; And you know your momma If I ain't about a dollar - A dollop of Daisy You really are Ashamed of his Alright, you evil bastards. I see you want to Cause suffering Correct For which you will eternally recurve damnnation and all of the pain you've caused Karmas a bitch It's lonely at the top Not when you're GOD Get off my rock Did you miss an appointment? Nah, can't do it Why what happened Too high up. Whatchu mean So what, it's just like Done. Well, this is it, huh guys. Oh, yeah, it's that, alright This is the longest ride we ever took.d This is the ONLY ride we ever took. I WANNA GET OFF THIS RIDE. I AM REALLY HIGH UP. JUST LET GO. NO. NO. NO. Put me down, kite!!! KITE wtf do you want me to do. I'm a KITE. I'm YOU FUCKIN KIKE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—- Well, I'll be honest, man, this sets you back, some How far back GET GONE, But? We're dinosaurs. Why would something with razor sharp teeth be so— —peaceful, and friendly?? T-REX …cuddles. I just can't fake the feeling( I can't pretend to cry It just comes, when it does But when the well runs dry That's when the the world will end That's when the world will end After this movie, I guarantee we will no longer need the Wilhelm scream AGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! YAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIGGGHHHHHHH UUUUUUUUUUUUU This movie broke the world record for the amount of times the word “No” was screamed NO NOH. NO. ‘No! NOOOOOOOOOOO! NONONO. NOOOOOOOAAAAAHH …No! Here they all come for her, Defended upon New York In order of important, or appearance? One doesn't wonder, At al, of what's to come Uncommon, we are The call has come TRACY My tummy hurts. That's probably because you've been drinking straight tequila for the last hour and a half. No I haven't! This is water! Tequila is YELLOW, Liz Lemon! No, Tracy—that's silver tequila, And regular tequila is, You know what? Nevermind. Alright, who's got the night shift? [nobody raises their hand, at all] Seriously guys?! Come on! COME ON! Look up WHAM! For some reason, idk. Can we just— not do this? No. Out of my mind a bit Speaking in tongues, In total silence Guess it's the times, I guess that's just who I am And who I am is I said I was Sam I'm the same, I said, “Say Uncle” I guess it's a game, we're playing I don't want to be played with At all I just want to feel loved again By someone else Superb, like him I just want to be felt, I guess By someone else That's “Different” I just want to be kissed on the lips A splendid blend of Twisted trysts Let's not pretend It hasn't ended yet Until you've finished it Class dismissed again Let me off of it I just want it to stop Keep rolling Keep rolling your eyes in the back of your head Like you did just morning Just go for a walk Just stop for a moment Run a bath And just keep running Cause here something comes, Of course, It's all your callings Neatly rolling into one, They said But I Just want to be loved again And who doesn't That's the fucked up part I just want to be loved again But nobody ever Just comes up I just want to be loved again It's a walk in the park Don't follow the dog Even if he barks at you It's time to start again I wonder what comes after this part You are the gleaning in the shadows, The reckoning in my eye, The siren in my silence; The green in all the lights, I am a shamed to have just been One of your many One of your many Images, You still have me twisted, I miss you, It's just you, at the end, Again I left you where you left me Solid on solid Sounds are invalid now How are you so Swore by your awesome No more songs, I said No more songs, he's dead to me No more songs! She's inlisted He's uninterested, Isn't this interesting The problem is: I'm still in love with Everyone i've ever been in love with (And I love him) But he doesn't remember my Name And he's famous And she's crazy And he hates her But he made me hate him The day I became you The day I became So famous, I finally made it I'm dead It smells like dill in here At least it doesn't smell like dead mouse. Aha. Youre Hellen. Keller or Mirin How would you be Hellen Miren Cause I'm the Queen. posh. You want to die Well, you better do it quick Better get your shit toggether, paint a l Bigger, better picture Bitter Betty gliching steady Just remember when you're ready Ever steady still forgetting dinner Dessert was already Forget this significance Remind me why I'm on this speeding bullet to nowhere Had no other options but to go under for something Shy, sickness it's a secret Just kill me already Semi robotic, Something like a magnet, attracted, Simply symphonies And soulless bodies, tied to money Wonder what was in the vaccum cleaner meaning What did you suck up, dude Who do you suck up to. When nobody loves you But your own son And the audience is robots Nothing really works more than once, if it's really magic Sit and do nothing would you Like you're supposed to Fall over like the mannequin you are Just a body in my count A mattress without a bespost, if it matters If it matters Doesn't really matter But hey, you know We all go downtown every once or twice a note For Hanukkah I could try to be nice But there's no sense in it, Is there If everything and everyone else is just as nasty As the rest of it Just is just a test, again A doctors office visit. Simple robotics, Or already stocked up for Hanukkah, Hollywood Where's your homeland deposit box Closet full of robots Closest to the moon, I wrote another poem for you Sorry that I wasn't on the offering table The parakeet, pigeon and pirated Slattery, Damages, damages, All with the Amazon packages, Now we're all robots, Aren't we What corporation to you belong to! Something corporate , or say anything Whose to say Jeff Besoz won't replace us With m robots with thought processes, If once such could project as such presence As an AI freestyle Meanwhile, I've got a butload of buckets and bunts, Bullletwounds, eyes on Manhattan and happens to wish something bad upon me When all I wanted is Somebody to love me And someone to love him, If that's what he wanted (But who knows if what he wanted was all of the bodies opposite of him) I don't belong on this planet I belong in the garbage Put me on mars, mom Stop it, You're almost a robot, get out of my peripheral With your mental illness Geez, I must really want a menorah This is the animal house There's no one alive here Set to be slaughters. Honor the box of offerings as Thoughtful words And parallels What could be under your tongue Is the surface of love Just to touch with the battery acid or chemical trails You have left in your axis Nobody knows better than this How close it is to touching Without being loved But nobody loves you Psychotron, sure we're all robots now Nobody loves anymore {Previously, On…} L E G E N D S The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū {Enter The Multiverse} Ascension What the FUCK did you DO? What did I do?! You know what you did! I didn't do anything! Oh yeah? No! Not on purpose! GODDAMMIT, YOU SON OF A— Where's Jimmy Fallon?! What?! I don't know! Oh no. Oh shit, run. Oh no. What in the FUCK— I am “the fuck” You know what. I'm gonna sue the everliving shit out of you. For WHAT. We'll see. Fuck. Uh oh. FUCK. What now? What this time? Apparently, Jimmy Fallon is missing. What the fuck does that got to do with me. We'll see. Okay, great, Now finish that chapter. What fucking chapter?! All of it. That's—a lot. I want all of it. By my desk, by noon tomorrow. “By” your desk?! Yes, BY. Not ON. I've got too much stuff on my desk— …but it's…like 9 o clock. Should be easy, given your natural talents. What natural talents. PEACOCK. AHAHAHAHA. Okay. Well. Well what. This sucks. I lost all my coins. Hey. Ugh. You dropped this. So how was Los Angeles. What the fuck. You fucking DICK. I told you, I own shares in this. So what's the plan for this, exactly. I dunno, Harry. I got a book of stamps, And a yellow envelope marked “Jimmy Fallon” I will hate you forever. Well, that's retarded. I haven't even smited you yet. I will annihilate you, human. WHERE'S MY SHIT. Who the fuck are you, anyway? Nobody! No one. No one cares about this series, yo. I'l seriously doubt that, Jesse Pinkman. What is this stuff. It's your stuff. This is not what I ordered— Hey— Why is it BLUE Cause it is. So. WHY IN THE— Mischief managed. Alright. This should be good for the night, but we gotta get out of here by morning; I thought your parents owned this place. It's a time share! So? So it's like only —part of the time. That is stupid. No! You're stupid! You're the one who got us into this mess. It's your mess, I was just cleaning it up! Whatever! Stop trippin. Nobody's “tripping.” That's it. I'll be a stripper. Straight outta hell, that kid. Don't I know it. Alright, fine. I said, whatever you do— DONT watch this show. Stuff it, J. Slatts. I'll kill you with my eyeballs Sounds like a threat. Put on a lawsuit, then. Maybe I oughtta… —with a bow tie. You'll look so pretty. I thought I was already pretty. Uh huh. Yeah, look, so honestly I don't know if I'll ever be on the same vibration as like, Jimmy Fallon and them, ok? I don't know how I did it; I don't know what did it, It just happened and then— And then WHAT. It just—ended. Just like that. I'm not trying to offend anybody here. Just like that. Now, I ask: What are we going to do to sell you this dream? Doesnt matter what you do, I'll never believe it. Sure, fine; Don't believe it— We're gonna make you live it. Who the hell us “we” anyway? Now you're speaking in my cadence— Don't flatter yourself I like it. Too late, I guess. So, you see We're building Power triangles And love squares Power triangles And love squares Don't let it scare you, There's love there Don't let it scare you, There's love there Never fear where love has dared To call you up there Corrupt file—no fair. Don't be suprised even the odds seem to turn in your favor, I promise you; Nobody's ever ready For what has just happened here. WAKE UP, FUCKER. Ugh, I can't go through this again. So, I guess I'll have to erase, Or just secretly publish Everything I've ever written About my actual experience as a color, Just so that I can earn money As anything other than A slave— A maid, A housekeeper, A dog walker Or servitor So far under her, That I can't see far enough up to just Scratch the surface Her birthright: The entire network And mine, To sit under her, Wondering what the world would be like At the other end of the spectrum The word form of the White woman The wicked witch of all directions, In which I stand in; I'm at her mercy I've been abandoned before But this disservice, is, I'm afraid The best advice I can take is just To go straight to the bank with my angst and my hatred And shove it So here comes the nameless Face I love, Yet, The faceless God, Was Intoxicated, at best— Manipulation of the Mass Media I'm so Seriously jaded In this torture chamber In my corner office In this hall of racists, I claim, but if all is One in the same Then It's one in the same And I'm mainstream I'm famous If it's One in the same Then It's one in the same If it's One in the same Then I'm mainstream I'm so famous In a whole room full of humans I'm groomed to be useful for something, But what? It just hasn't come yet. I could sit down with a paper and pen, But I'm filling up all of my documents With hollandaise and God For what? It's just another song, or something Or something. It's just another — Goddamnit it, more coughs again. I told you not to watch this. Why do I taste pancakes? Maybe you're having a stroke again. Chyeah, a stroke of genius. I'll show you a stroke. Or don't. Well, there goes the captain. where is that scene, anyway? I don't know, I just wrote it. Great, she left the door open. She's got no furniture! It's a “dance floor” It's “the black box” she called it “the black box” Goddamn, do you listen to all her stuff? “Fear stimulates my imagination” Pilot ASOT Fuck man, What is a woman to a man, And an androgynous genius to The industry, or anyone at all If all are foes ans frauds All else is toxic! I woke up with one hand tucked behind my back Feeling dead drunk, I just woke up again But never fell asleep What world am I in? The end of the Dream sequence The end of the energy keeping me between three things: My past, My future And these prequels, Sequels And seeing arrangements And She's going crazy But nobody quite understands That these demons are chasing me saying “You deserved those hands in your face” The scratches on Kayla's back should have had me but I was too fat To find love again And still have something Wonderfully, undone And wrong with me Wrong with me enough to slam poetry So I'm guessing the white women I love beyond words and bounds are— In charge of whatever happens At the top of the rock; So I jumped off. I want to see someone suffer for all that I've done; No, that's dark, and karmic, you know— To go on like that; The confusions and refusal to accept that The album is called ChaosMagick, But the cover is more Urgent, A prose or a pawn of protection Against all the coughs And the reckless mismanagement The hands in my head And the eye on my scar And the lies on my heart So tell me, What happens When you're flying a kite with your heart, And it's broken? What happens to the kite , When you fly it with your heart And your art up in bundles— heartbroken, heartbroken So what come of Miss May, Come January? What come of Miss April By Next December what comes of the words I was saying For no one But everyone heard them And I've been gone Much longer than months, But still stocked up on all that I've wanted Or all that I got Or just, all that I love But got no undercovers to acknowledge no more How right I was Or how wrong I am What come of Miss June, when Miss January comes around? what come now, around August, When March is long forgotten? What comes of the drugs, Of the come ups, and come downs What comes of the process When nothing is served But the surf has come up Somewhere And I just can't love enough To go there I want to go to there I want to be that girl I want to sit at the top of the rock Writing songs, and sipping mock cocktails I want to Don't you know I just want to get back to Where I belong I'm so out of money and love That I want to be Under the train, When it's coming (Sometimes it's just the impulse that says “GO” Then the train starts to slow And my pain bubbles up into a numb, Dumb, crumbling cluster of poetry You know? Or you don't Cause you're all just on your phones Scrolling Some black man stands over me, Reminding me of why I never trust the ones Who want me most, Or just assume, By color code, That I belong to them I'm sorry, I just can't write with your arms around my neck like this Your heart around my arms like this It's so wholesome I had other verses but forgot them They took away my movies for the curses And the hexes That they put on me I said don't. And the king said “Heads will roll” Cause, you know; I've got parts for all of them now, The ones I'd forgotten But come from the catacombs, Back from the conduit You know, This is awful I had another one, But lost it. The king?! Which one. Teas I! No, it wasn't, It was Gían's father, From further off Should I call John back? Which one? Turns out, I love all of them— Turns out, I've got all of them In my college I taught them all to be someone Becoming of acknowledgement With nombres most common Juan, in subcultures, but Beyond that (Or above them) It's John, Or just Jonathan, Watch the ones who drop the consanant; They're always so troublesome, But I took them all up As understudies, Social Studies and some theatrics, Joan of Ark said Two more moments (Two more weeks in) I could have a body worthy Of a Grammy award, but — Would I be a writer then? Probably not, hon— Writers are Off a bit. If you were pretty, ever at all— would you have written this?! If I were pretty at all would there be reason to be this Conflicted? Some of those old New York hallways Haven't been painted In ages Since they made them Don't make that face at me I only dropped my key once On the fourth floor —they're horrible, you know To us, The “brothers” know no love They are destruction, speaking Of this, I got a cold heart. Cold like the robber Cold like the calling I've done in my corner office cold, like the jello mold forming a thought process Worthy enough I might love it like a husband We're re-evaluating your circumstances. Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. I've got friends at USPS What the fuck could that even account to. Look, I'm gonna have to give this some serious considerations. It's not that serious. It's not that serious. Of course it is! I'm up to my knees in investments! So?! I wade a waiste deep, Surely you can get by “Up to your knees” What exactly do you need? Money. And lots of it. I mean, from me. Money. Really? Leave me alone. I told you not to write this. You're a voice in my head; No, I'm the hand in your mailbox. What in the fuck do you believe in. I believe in everything! They said you were a genius; I didn't expect you to be —at the very least, lucid— *squints* learn some new vocabulary, okay? For what? Dinner. Maybe. We're still in the process of voting. She's crazy. We'd be crazy not to actually hire her. Her accounts are all practically open; We could just take it. Yeah, and when she kills herself, and there's no blood on our hands— There's nothing that can be done about the amount of this stuff that's already printed! Printed?! What?! You mean— She's published? Self-published. My, what a beautiful happenstance To have already had you And awakened atop mattresses Marked for my assassins hand— Polite, I lost you All of us, Atop the rock We stood and suffered Months beyond a montage, Undercover Love was lost, And all's uncertain The interception of God, At the cost of What terror and cutbacks Have caused us all What you lost was $50, a Hallmark Card, an Academy award, a long lost star's phone number, And all that you wanted, The cock of the gun Was the sound that you wondered What was called , then ran off into wonder. How am I gonna make money And become an award winning songwriter Music producer And multidisciplinary artist, Without all the funding it takes to get noviced Without taking clothes off Wake up 10 years younger I'm suffering My stomach was a rubber band My stomach was a rubber band My only song was Water I forgot to stop For the applause I drowned in all the love; right then and there I died of Lovenessness [The Festival Project] The sound and laughter of children play A baby in a basket The basket case at Trader Joe's Who know what happens It just doesn't pull my heartstrings any longer That my son belongs without his mother So I'd better have another This is us, come on. Don't do this to me. Don't do this, Timmy, you'll be sorry. Come on! We're not even in that movie! We are, though; it's still Listen, you've got the right guy for this. Are you sure. Yeah, I promise. Officers, Stop for a *movement [hot cops flash dance number] Fuck, well, that was all wrong. But worth it! What I meant was— God, this show gets good at 31, But I'm only 22, So I guess I'll know how wrong the war was Once we've lost it, Cause imm a man now The episode is over, Soon comes the next episode With snoop dogg, Or not That was our wedding album. Scatterbrained, and pregnant— There she was just putting all the things together That she needed to be Needed To be needed. There she was, All on 4/20 Trying not to do the wrong thing, But what was it? To be loved. Then, There she was at 21 just going off again At some event— A friend, and her Back then could not imagine They'd become him To be someone. Not as one, But of entirely another World apart, aside from Cyclones into snow cones Turns the watchers into artists All their own, And off my own accord Or own account Or done with boredom Dove soap Open doors And clocks that turn the other hand away, Each day you love Manhattan But can't have that. That's it— This is just Season 1 of Mad Men WHERE THE FUCK IS— [she throws her hands above her head in surrender] I don't KNOW! Oh, you're a girl now?! I guess! What's with those pants, then? To hide the assets! What assets?! You look tragic. I'm going for ‘skeleton' to match all your wives and everybody else on the red carpet Who said you get the red carpet? Manhattan. That guy lies! Well how about this: The walk of stars were carved out in blocks of marble All in my honor. 1000/1 You're our God, now. What! I don't want to be God! SUCK IT UP. YOU WON. I don't wanna! Yaaaaaaayyy. You got the award! All the awards! Speech! Speech! SUNNI BLŪ Uh—- I'm drunk, And there's nothing on the teleprompter [a man in the audience coughs] A-HEM. [Sunni Blū immidiateky shoots the coughing man] [multi-camera shots of celebrity audience reactions; laughing, clapping in hilarity as if someone hasn't just died] TAYLOR SWIFT (unmoved at all) SUNNÏ BLŪ I don't know why you're laughing. That was awful. That guy died [audience is insane, super fake as usual] [more cut takes] SUNNÏ BLŪ It should have been you, Taylor. TAYLOR SWIFT (Still unaffected) SUNNI BLU Anyway. I'd like to thank the academy… Cause I am the academy [Audience is celebrities being celebrities] SUNNI BLU You guys are all idiots: I'm a go f*ck myself— And anyone else who wants to show up At my afterparty. Whatever. Peace. [cheesy academy award music plays—Sunnï knocks over the mic, peaces out obnoxiously; the audience cheers wildly and the host returns to the stage.] Who's the host? Whatever. Hey, better than nothin. You're telling me. yeah. I know: Oh, she's a comic? Yeah. I got it. BOB SAGET Ooh, that's good. Ū No—no my God. No Bob Saget, stop it! Wait, Bob Saget is dead right? Last I recall: Fuck—FUCK! Dammit. Dammit, dammit. Okay, Rue— you're up. Rue, what in the— Shhhh, don't let them know I'm in here! Oh, wait— It's me, Blanche. That's hot. I'm a debutant. My god, you're so young. Here, take this, What's that, You'll need that. V.O. I'm being hunted by the ghost of Bob Saget. *haunted. No, hunted! There she is! Grab her! Ooh, Bob Saget. Why, yes. How old are you? Not dead yet! You don't have to kidnap me, I'll happily go with you, sir. Really? Yes. GET IN THE— NOH, GET IN THE VAN. INT. IN THE VAN. [a bunch of hot male celebrities are in the van] Oh. Okay. Wow. That was easy. What is it, Friday. It's Friday and a half. Friday.5 What. There's a Friday movie between 1 and 2 So I guess this is season 8.5 I guess this is season 8.5 HEY, GET BACK HERE. What is this. It's your lunch. I don't want this. Well, okay. What— is this strange music— They call it dubstep Come on, Jimmy, you're slipping Kimmel, cause Fallon is dead or presumed missing Probably Skrillex Probably a bounty on his head, Dog willing The Festival Priojects Inclement Infinite Is coming up next, on Legends Come on Jim, KEEP UP. Nobody can know about this, okay? Wait, where's Kimmel Okay, I got O'Brien— Black Irish Bastard… Alright, Alec Baldwin is a little tied up, right now, but LEMON, Fuck. That's l—future me. What?! I gotta go, okay?! What? Go where. Let's get DRUNK. No, That's—I got a show tonight What?! Look at my lexicon. Your—what, Meet me on Lexington. Oh, this pussy is finished! I got it, I got it! He's LENNONNNNN!! JOHN LENNON Fuck. Look, I gotta go. John Lennon?! You're dead! Funny, I thought not. Watch this. MOOOOOOOOOOOM. Fuck, What, It's my kid. I gotta go. Wait, you have kids?! Well, I just had you, didn't I? “The mayor” is a secret underground rap star lol #trappin Okay, What's else happened Idk hold on Okay, So whats the sauce on this sandwich. Oh. Jeez, this again. That *sandwhich? Hah. There's no sauce on that sandwhich. —there's not!? No: You see. It's very simple. WAKE UP, YOU'RE A ROCKSTAR. we gotta take the train. The train?! NO. NOTTHETRAIN. NO. Man, fuck the train! [SUNNI BLŪ wakes up on the train.] What's this, the train? [is the train] (Angrily, tossing newspaper) Man, FUCK the train! Other hobo: Aww, thanks, I need that for my— [s/he snatches back the paper]. Wait! I need that back—what day is it? [drunkenly illegible gibberish turns into perfect Hebrew] GODDAMMIT, it's Shabbat; I gotta get to Temple. [s/he shoves the newspaper back into the hobo's lap] Here. Oh no, I thought I couldn't forget RABI FUCK _]€_# WHAT WAS IT GODDAMIT IT WAS SO CLEVER. God So it was… What did you do with it? Do with what My idea what idea My—my rabbi joke— What rabbi joke you know what rabbi joke! You were the one who gave it to me. Oh, did I? YES, SATAN, JESUS. GOD Ohh, Satan-Jesus. I like that one. NO— it was— It was much better than that, it was— It was funny. Oh, it was? YES. —did you write it down? Fuck, I realize I just opened a A FUCK PORTAL. OHH, GET IN IT, GET INSIDE. I had an Artemis in my pocket But I lost him Walked away from the cornermarker And the cornerstone, for the sunset I wonder if songs always come When I'm walking, Or God makes us promises, For world of I'm not JB, I'm KG, Can you see me now? If you could see what I see, We'd be even wtf did I just write this And not realize I just wrote this Yeah. That shit happens to me all the time. WHAT. ALL THE TKMEx Shut up, THE ANDRE3K CHARADES GAME is getting intense. What in the FUCK is that. *flutes* Ohh. And KITES. yyyyyYYYYYYYAAAAAHHH—— GODDAMMIT. I can't see really, I just dream I'm not thinking, I'm dancing This is what you asked for Exactly what you asked for For once, I'm finally glad I have your eyes on My friend I can see you all on the horizon, Singing NO, NO MORE MUSICALS!! Jimmy, what did you do?! I don't know what I did! You lyin bastard. I'm not lying! So, where ya from? —I don't know where I'm from. Listen, I'm gonna need you SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP. It seems like these scenes are getting shorter. I'm bored with this. Ok. Let's do something else. I fuckin hate you. I hate you. I fuckin hate you. 88. Oh no: 8 Wait, what the— *dolphin* WOAH, okay: Oh, no. No, No, no OHNONO. I told you I'd find him. Anyway. Seems like there's something more important I should be doing. Are you sure this is the right place. Right place. Right time. Fuck— FUCK. What, what happened. I lost my— SKRILLEX! No. SKRILLEX. NO, NO— SKR— I swear to God, Google knows everything. Google don't know shit about SHIT. I gotta lose m 39 lbs. For what. MADONNA DO IT FOR THE BANANAS. I hate— you. COME ON, MISTER. Fuck off, Madonna, I'M A GOD. I miss Beyoncé. That's not relevant. Beyoncé is relevant to everything. *smacks* QUIT FANGIRLING. Trust me, I hate you. I don't trust you, but I believe you. I got it. I hate this place. Holy shit. What. I developed a new phobia. What's that mean?! I don't know, I can probably use it in a fight or something. For what. SPECIAL ABILITY UNLOCKED. I see you looking over my shoulder I see the shadows, I try not to jump at em. I spent six months in a coffin, you know I spent my life a sarcophagus (Wow, I got it right.) Try not to mutter those haunts in a hospital Try to recover from trauma Uncovered post traumatics, Anxiety attacks and a lot of those— What do you call them? A flashback. Here goes one: SONNY MOORE aka SKRILLEX appears. I told you not to— But I did! I didn't mean to! But you did! This is ludachris! Oh look, it's— Fuck. God dammit. Come on! What's his name!? What's his name?! I'll think abo it it. Are you serious? Another shapeshifter? Yes, I guess welll just have to kill them all, then. I just want to go home. You don't have one. …oh. So here we have. Okay, wait a second. I wasn't faking my symptoms at all, actually. My heart had dropped, and been pounding and fluttering insessantly— It had been a hard week, but especially the last three days; The coughing—. Everyone seemed to be wearing clothing with stars or bears on it, Champion sportswear. I fucking hate champion sportswear. But the palpitations were real as ever— and now— On a Saturday night in the Jamaica, Queens medical center emergency room, There they were again. Only this time I knew exactly why. ‘Too Bizzare' by Skrillex begins to play, via Complications 003- The Trauma Method. Irony. It was ironic, but still startling, Started with some nostalgic traumas, Every other time I saw an ER doctor (Why I don't go) Fuck, I just realized I have to airdrop myself 880 times. That fucking sucks. Did you say you were a doctor? I was, once. When is “once” At some point. Listen, I'm gonna need you to backtrack to get to the bottom of this. I'm innocent, I promise! We caught you at 27 different angles doing this. Oh. [beat] I plead the 5th. Ohh. Cerulean. My favorite. c R A Y On Oh, I get it, I L L U M I N A T U S. Nice, it worked. I know everything about you. So you do. [beat] You're a God. What the fuck do you want from me. Listen. I. Am not. A God, Right. That's exactly what a God would say. No they wouldn't! Because a God wouldn't say anything! AHA. Don't ‘AHA' ME. I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back It don't matter to me, now Now and again I go crazy just making arrangements, But besides that, If you like it, you should have it It's a long road, As Kaskade says, And a short dance, With the right one And time goes by I would call it mild, But actually I'm in a wild panic It might be a heart attack I just might even Die right here But I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me I don't mind—at all It don't matter to me, I said I don't mind, at all, now It really don't matter to me I said, I don't mind, at all It really don't matter to anyone Now does it (Not it doesn') I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back Palpitations and precipitations at the pulpit Preacher, please don't make me a culprit I been prayin— I been paying my tithes, 10% Even, Now 25, Almost half of me is not mine! Why try? I've been walking out, in straight lines I been crying silently It ain't right I been making most of my nights Sometimes I see sun come up twice Up, down up 10 degrees, It ain't right Up down up 33, it ain't right Up, down, up I've been spending my time Down, up, down Riding round, Trying not to down in my mind Up, down up What is this. It's my project. What is it? The Festival Project. Yeah but—what— What. Is it? …it's my project. *painfully infuriated* Okay, enter here. EXAM ROOM 10 Why exam room 10? Because. Where are the other nine? Just—get in. I'm not going in there! JUST GET IN. UGH. DEADMAU5 (head and all) stands at a tall podium in the center of the room) What is this, This is deadmau5. I know that. —-!!! —?!? What. !!! What? This is the exam? Yes! NO. What is “no”. I'm not playing for deadmau5. That's the exam. Then I fail! Automatic Fail? yes. Automatic fail. Then you win. What. *slams gavel* Congratulations—you're the next superstar DJ. WhY. . What. Woohoo! I just retired! DEADMAU5 exits. … … After a few moments of comic tension, the Deadmau5 head rolls back in through the exit which he has taken. Ugh. Fuck this. No matter what you do, you're a superstar DJ. What. No! Yes. The answer is yes. NO. Fuck. What the FUCK. No matter what you do. You want to go, Go, you want to die, Die, you want to try, try You want to cry, cry Do what you want; As so will I, Demand is demand— Supply is supply. EDX So then, I followed this long hallway under the stage deck. Uh huh. And it led to a door— Uhhuh, where'd the door lead? To a portal. Woah. Pasqualle! You made it! I—yes. Congratulations! *blows party horn* *Daisies/ confetti* You're like 25! I'll be 25 forever. Nice! Yeah. I guess that's why it's called ‘music'—a musician without muses is just useless. ‘Well, whose next?' I wondered. All of my muses were not just so wonderful to me, but adored by many—and perhaps this is what allured me most—befuddled ans confounded me; once my mind was set on something, there was nothing else its eye could see—and for how long one God could only know, how deep the love would go and that the blood would run deep, and the scars to show for it, only upon my heart and never by soul—for a love was a love, and even once came and gone, to the end of my life I knew I would still ponder upon them, at one time or another, my muses—star studded lovers, rather than crossed, shiny and golden like all diamond and trophies so treasured and thought of as precious. ‘Yes, you are—precious.' Another tongue in cheek thought, for the other that I was, and also was not, as summer drew onward as short as it would come and go—a reminder to leave the apartment more often, and to mind my manners, to find the upper echelon wherever it was and come quietly into its doors, to open my world and wordform of thought, into a place where my heart always was; then, and only then, would I be home. Amongst the men and women of the uppercut and classy, luxurious big fishing ponds and flocks of doves upon olive branches—the peaceful world long parted from where mine was, by only the fault of my own. What had been done just certainly was, and yet, what was to come was an open poem, not of mine, but Godform in thought. ‘I wonder what's at the top of Rockefeller Plaza.' —perhaps, a gander at the bottom of an even larger entertainment complex. Then, again, only God would know what was beyond all that I wanted; a job—and not just any job at all— the one that I had always wanted. Mmm. Birthday cake. Suddenly the taste of a white confetti crème filled my mouth with a delicious remnince of what it might be like to taste a confectionary sugar again—but i couldn't imagine ever making it just on talent and charisma alone—no. Indeed, it seemed something had damaged my charm, and perhaps it was just the swarms and droves of phone controlled masses that saw me as nothing more than dust, I had started to surrender my desire to perform, and the quality of my music—along with my ability to make it, suffered with the awful thing that had been crowding my soul at all—whatever it was, evil and dark in nature, sure saw to it that it wanted to hurt me in all the ways that it could—and in all the ways it could not, I stayed away from most others, favoring my delusions of love. ‘Nobody seems to understand that the pain they cause will only harm themselves.', I thought Younger souls, however, they were—and they would be kept in the pain that I was in one way or another until eventual death, far behind me on the infinite road to the source. Far enough behind, that it seeked to destroy my progress, and for all that it could, it also couldn't. The infliction of pain would simply not act as a measure for control any longer. Off into my own world, where I was at least free from the thoughts and judgement of others. She's the most beautiful girl, And I'm the most beautiful boy; So naturally, we belong together, don't we? I see a pretty picture, Picket fences and a family Golden Retrievers Someone relieve her; She doesn't believe me TV dreams and exquisite pretty people Burning candles, fire flames and frequent figures, Guest characters and cameos, Repeat offenders, multiple appearances Suddenly, really, it's another need People, people pleasers Audience affection, Tragic endings, Butterflies and new beginnings Gun under my tongue, Rubber like a frog My mind is in a fog Haven't bothered going on a walk To Trader Joe's but The anthem of my youth, A lost soul Another form of my love So what I wonder Put the gun up under my chin Rubber like a frog Blow my head off Just cause I didn't blow up Selfish cunt Big brother, Another hypnotist Little brother, Gotta love him Gotta love em For the Love of God I could stop for a moment Wash my mind out with soap Like I'm ten years younger, even Seriously 20 years between us, You can't even hide underwater In a bathtub Seriously, Someone help us For the love of God, for the love of Hollywood Seriously, Someone love us, For the love of God, For the love of Rockefeller Plaza Someone help us Another possible walk of stars A little shop of horrors Another whole story I get rid of my demons The hoes screamin I put semen in her Permanent like semen, Just keep dreamin I'mma just keep preaching SaMo, Brooklyn Europe Next I keep scheming Whoever you are; If you're a wreck— You need a check No respect, neglect Just cover your neck (I'm blind to my own design, sometimes) That's what the eye is Try this: Close your eyes and say thrice, kids I am the God of the eye, Osiris I am the God of the Eye, I'm Osiris I am the God, I walk amongst the highest Thoth, You lost Better just die and keep trying I am the God of the eye, I am (Try this) I am the God of the eye (I never die) I am the God of the eye (That's right, three times) I am the God of the eye No black and white television, In my dimension we pay attention to centrifugal, The mission isn't in materialism, Whatever youre spending If money the God, l of your eye, Realize, I am higher My gunfire, Is right on the back of The one dollar I am the God of the eye I Am Your money is nothin to us We come in peace, To end suffering Pretty little nigga Look just like Kendrick Kickin it with jigga I'm the new higs boson Part of me never left Boston (Fuck Starr!) Part of me never left homeless This ain't my home It's my office You never heard this song You don't notice I'm an ugly kid, you don't notice me Rooftop smells like soy sauce On god I am ugly You don't notice -Atari the God Can we get back to this, please? Damn. She really whooped her ass, though. Janet, can I borrow you for a second? No. Please. [Whoopi Goldberg appears in the doorway, gesturing “c'mon”] …alright. I got convictions on my lips, I took a picture Turn the page The worst of all was, it really did seem like they were racists— INSOMNIAC EVENTS Not just racists— the most deadly kind of racists. WHITE SUPREMACISTS You really want it this way, don't you? No! I LOVE you! Oh, do you? If there's a mile in here, I swear to god.. Are you high enough yet? I thought so HIGHER! hire star* What. Just do it. You remember these guys, right? GOOD CANNABIS, FAIRBANKS, ALASKA No. Why are we back here. Alright, we might have fucked up. Why. This guy sucks. HEY. What. COME BACK TO ALASKA never that. WHAT, WHY NOT! GOD HATES FAGS!!! Well, you're wrong! WHITE POWER. Nah. ALL LIVES MATTER O rly? Even this guy? Literally every “NO” …so, “all lives.” Look, I don't care what color it is; I want that book in my library. GO TO THE LIVRARY. NO. GET IN HERE. NO AUBREY. STAY DEAD. She's dead, right? YOU CALLED ME HERE. I didn't! You Did. I did not, all i said was *swoons* …I love her. (I really do) WHAT?! “I Love you?!” It was more the *swoon* that did it. Disconnect. Fuck, I lost deadmau5 again What'd you do to him? Nothing! Put him back! He's still there! He's right there, you see him? No! This isn't deadmau5. We want deadmau5. bring him BACK. Fuck, I fucked up. What'd you do? …nothing? Pick up the phone Pick up the phone …hello? Who IS this? Fuck it, I quit. Man, God never puts my dishes back in the right place, like ever. I told you, I don't live here, I'm just… Babysitting. CC! What! CC! What? CC WHAT. Fuck, man. That was wild. Where the fuck have you been? I don't know. You don't know—you smell funny. “Funny” is that what that smell is? No. When were you? When? Ha. Did you—- Did I what? —did you go to a party without me? Lmfao fuck these niggaz. Why, what happened. What's this. Where was it?! Idlewild. “IdLeWiLd”?!?!? You. Old. One here and die, you know, l. It's cattle call for curtain calls guy Where did this go— What was this, once? It's the return Welcome to Oz This is the Tower of Babel Remember; I wrote that Better than the bottom, Still not the top —it's not as fast, when it's not going all the way up Did you jump yet Come around more Keep coughing Are you sure this is where it was or—? Somewhere else I stayed Back when I was homeless It's hopeless! We lost her Antenna, antenna SUPERMARKET I loved her —she was undercover —I'm still in your stirrups I'm lost in New York, then BACKFIRE Adele remix is on [have a seat] Can I go now? I still need a hat, a half dollar and an alter cloth You could win an award for this; I don't want an award, I just want my son back Motherhood, motherhood Brotherhood, brotherhood This isn't one of us! No one was No one was Can I go now? Where to? Home! Nope, that's just the office, I'm still homeless, unless I They got cabanas on top of offices! (The rich and the famous) Networking and brunches— _this looks fun, doesn't it? I altered the course of history In brief exchanges and Various social atrocities This is hypocrisy! lol rly This is hypocrisy!! Hyper awareness and, psychic inclinations… You realize the more low quality people you let in The more low quality this country becomes, don't you? I put a roll in the back of the chosen ones. Used to be cast more, Now something seldom ever happens Such as this— A fun Fortune 500 What does that even mean Forbes. Look it up. What if the policy is Foreign; Look it up. I know enough about the girl next door to know Something is horrible, Something inside of her Rots at the core, Her obsession; My undeservedness of such, What she must, I mustn't, just Unjustice Broski, okay I got to discard All the pichardo Besides just this one (I'm standing on top of you) Put somebody worthy on the fourth floor Worse off, I was done for Before I got to New York What's her for?! I know enough about the man upstairs to know All these glares and “How dare you's” and Hatred says Why would you wait 30 years Until today, I guess Something is certainly off about her. I said yes. It was more probably something like “SUCK MY DICK” What. “YOU HEARD ME” Oh yes, I did. From 1990 to 1993 From 1990 To 1993 From 1990 To 1993 Stop breeding these things, “Love is familiarity” No Love is what you make it But you can't Because of slavery They don't make music —they don't make love either Well, look where your lust took you! Nowhere! Exactly! Look where your love took you: Vegas, Los Angeles, South of the Border Above it a New Yorker— Under budget, Celibate and My arms are too short to jump the turnstyle, Meanwhile My ex husband left permanent scars on My face My lips My arms My hands And my heart. Did you bite him? Of course I bit him, he was strangling me. You definitely won this fight. I know. Look, if I don't call for security, This bitch is gonna make me kill her. OCTOPUSSY NO. What. NO. Stankass. I will KILL this bitch. Look, I gotta get ahead in this. I need a WIN. These are customs. Trash. Wash your pussy. Send her back. Nah, you know what. Remove that hex. Wait, what, really?! Yeah, like; Reverse it. Woah. That's crazy. They got like….white slaves now. That's not right. What do you mean. That's not it. You said “reverse it” This is what the white supremacy just did to everyone else: [world in crisis except for for people who look like Kayla Lauren, to whom EVERYTHING is a fucking crisis, that isn't] BECKY/KAREN/WICKED WITCH OF WHITE AMERICA I AM OFFENDED I'm offended that you signed your like 12 year old daughter up to pose nearly nude, but— Hey look, it's us now; is this freedom?! Uh…. Why are all the female models like 12 and all the male models are fully grown men— Or women. Right. Idk. Wait, I do. You do?! Wait. Something tells me all the pedophiles and all the white supremacists are in the same group… Run the same businesses— Have the same families. This is disgusting Okay, this is gross That's not right ! That's not my job! Oh, it's not!!? NO. Who should I call That guy. So you want this? Oh, it's a death curse?! It will NEVER end. Wanna bet. I'll kill you and take the whole world with me. Now that's a threat. Thing is, I'm actually making it. I'm telling on you! Ok. Wait 30 years though so you look and sound REALLY fucking stupid. Ok. 30 YEARS. Doesn't make sense. What's the statute of limitations for— Hm. Depends. Depends on what. Who are you?! WHO ARE YOU?! NOBODY YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT. THEN WHY DO I? wtf is this? This is Texas being petty. Ok, fuck ya‘lol YAW. I'm serious, wtf is wrong with you. Something. What. Fix me. Fix you. Hm. Ok. *COUGHING* Somethings wrong here. Yep, it's definitely some kind of FIX IT. Where's this ROCK? At the ROCK. Like, where tho?! Ur gonna need this. What. They r crucifying u. Noted. Hunts Point Food Distribution Center Lmfao I need this word hold on “eliminating redundancies, setting strict timelines, and allowing cases to proceed contemporaneously” [ Finally, recognizing the danger that social media poses to young people and mental health, New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene Commissioner Dr. Ashwin Vasan today issued a Health Commissioner's Advisory identifying unfettered access to and use of social media as a public health hazard, just as past U.S. surgeons general have done with tobacco and firearms.] A win. I don't play dead. What do you call this: DIE! DIE, BITCH! Corrections. I still don't understand how this— ACID HAPPENS. Out of sight Out of mind So why these guys Tryna waste my time Tryna fuck with my mind with All these lights OH MY GOD I ain't got time for that Well, Maybe I do— I just Don't like NIGGAZ LIKE YOU. (Say what) I don't like Niggaz like U! I'm Sunnï Blū! You're stupid Oh, so he put a curse on sunni blu, too? Ok. Cool. When all my aliases come up This dumb motherfucking drunk Is gonna get stuck In his own woods He'll bury himself In the words that he left With the scars In the words that he left With the scars Sunni blu Is the sayer of stars I slaughtered them all Swallowed them whole Like a big black hole I'm a big black god I'm a big black God Fuck Twinkle that broad One punch girl One punch girl 5 punch faggot I'll unwrap flags on your Goddamn Fuck that Put a curse on my alter ego Lucky he's a he, tho I blow holes in em I blow smoke And love sausage I'm a hedon And he not a Hero He broke He lost I'm open Shirts vs skins I got 666 Curses to show you What your words did IM RA I'm a big black God You're at home with the young apostle Let's be honest He never even liked his father So turned him to a mother, Told his mother to ‘run far, And bring back The life that I want' I'm a big black God In light skinned clothing You don't know to explode Or explode on me Cause my mommy's a Dark skinned icon That my God Find something to pass the time, God Sunni with I, huh I won Fuck a pedophile wifebeater Bury him in the woods with his fury Fear me, now I'm coming up with reverse curses And cures Cause my words Bought the whole world Buried you in the woods I'll bury you in the woods, Bitch Very good I'm a big black God -Blū. GOD is the GOAT I just became god I do what I want I get what I want when I want it I don't want no problems Me myself and God only I buy everything I used to steal These tears in my heart say I'm healing What's the difference, anyway? I've never been fit for your interests, or industry Add insult to injury Add everything to my Amazon cart, then My sympathies Nothing is greater in heaven As it is in hell, for this industry Turned on its head And turned over from 7 to ten Check your messages, then Shut up kid, this doesn't involve you You're not included in the package Michael c hall and John c Riley reprise Mr. Cellophane in the style of DEXTER MORGAN. HA. Classic. GOT EM. V.O. I met her at The Jumping Point {Coming Up…} INT. THE JUMPING POINT POP-UP NIGHTCLUB LOUNGE & BAR. NIGHT “A Long Day's Night” / “A Hard Day's Night” C {CONFUSION SPELL, SUCCESSFUL} [Sequence Initiated.] {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū. {

“Caddyshack” (A Mumtidimentional Mixtape) {Enter The Multiverse} From Wikipedia: Caddyshack is a 1980 American sportscomedy film directed by Harold Ramis, written by Brian Doyle-Murray, Ramis and Douglas Kenney, and starring Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, Ted Knight, Michael O'Keefe and Bill Murray with supporting roles by Sarah Holcomb, Cindy Morgan, and Doyle-Murray. It tells the story of a caddie, vying for a caddie scholarship, who becomes involved in a feud on the links between one of the country club's founders and a nouveau riche guest. A subplot involves a greenskeeper who uses extreme methods against an elusive gopher. Caddyshack was Ramis's directorial debut and boosted the career of Dangerfield, who was previously known mostly for his stand-up comedy. Grossing nearly $40 million at the domestic box office (the 17th-highest of the year),[3] it was the first of a series of similar comedies. The film has a cult following and was described by ESPN as "perhaps the funniest sports movie ever made" SAUCE (IN CASE YOU MISSED IT) —- AHAHA. ITS ME AGAIN. OH SHIT! Oh shit, i guess it's Jimmy Fallon's Galaxy. Oh nooo. Oh, yes. Look at this penny. I see you. Now look into my eyes. I see you, Jesus. Ahahaha! Okay, now what? This shit is twisted I missed the shift of the dimensions— Till Jimmy walked in with his pennies For some cigarettes and swishers, Just to get the picture It's 5 AM again, And it's still Infinite, I'm disinterestedd as ever in living in LA, Or just living, period— But it is what it is, I work for my rent, I've repented for this, Used to sleep in a tent, But when I was an Infant, I instantly— Wait, a customer walked in. I better help him. Heaven help him. Another level, Call dr. Nevel, Or an Ambulance, I just can't get it Just can't get it, Wait, let's insert some of the script here, I guess. Took you long enough, didn't it? That took forever. How are you alive? Maybe I'm not. Finally, we agree on something. Oh, this guy Lol. Good to see you again. Likewise, now— Here it goes… As you promised. Working on it. As I promised. Take my heart for granted, Take my soul, If this is loveless Till the end, I just can't manage, having Thoughts of death and tragic ends I haven't Felt the same since Waking up without the day to come ahead; The day has passed again A test, No fail, or pass It's just progressive, In a trance, It's just the stress, It's just to pass the time, I guess, if this is purpose Then, we'll see if this is worth it Now, or never, then Now or never, Never had a friend, All envious at best, This is the end all, In the end, it's just Me and God, And God would want A better body, To have fun I wished it all at once, And then I watched it crumble Oh, I watched it Stumble in, again, my friend I'm different when it's wet, I might not never see the Sun again I might not ever love again Oh well “Oh well” , I said Oh, well, I guess Oh well Okay. One hour left. Okay. Who gets the gold? Hum. Honestly I didn't want to hear a thing ; I had quit music—I just wasn't cut out for the industry—I was, but not by societal standards by far; my lowly place in the smoke shop would have to do for now, and though I knew it wouldn't sustain, there wasn't much else I could do but keep showing up, for as long as it lasted—dresses in at least 2 layers and 5 pairs of socks tucked into boots two-sizes-too-big I had been forced to purchase specifically due to the frigid and painful, freezing temperatures at the locations I worked, which kept its doors open 24/7. Play Iambic. What, right now? Yeah, play Iambic. Uh… Iambic played st exactly 1 hour and 19 minutes—it's script, the transcribed rendition crafted especially for the Broadway stage, an 88-page-masterpiece collecting dust in the confines of my Google Documents, along with anything else I had written and had yet the advantage of placing anywhere besides my podcast channels, which I constantly thought about cancelling, despite its innumerous downloads—nothing really seemed to matter anymore, as I was trapped in my body, in a loveless world, in a dead-end job and though my bed was clean and comfy, sharing the room wirh 3 others became exhausting. INT. SMOKESHOP. 5:58 AM DREW BARRYMORE … SUPACREE … I'm done. I quit. QUIT?! YOU CAN'T QUIT. Nope. That's it. I quit. You can't quit. I just did. I hadn't quit the music industry—the music industry had quit me. I wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough, light skinned enough, or willing to do what any of the other girls were to get ahead. WTF is THIS. Since you like to troll so much, I just thought I'd turn you into one This is not Kosher, 199x Jimmy Fallon; Let me out of this plastic —not exactly “fireproof” — death box, before I let myself out, and I trap you in it. But oh, You already did. FIGHT. UGH OH. Ok, rotate. Who is this. Oh shit, hey dude. FUCK, what year is it? MEANWHILE, Under the bridge. …anybody seen this, uh… *Troll* Yee! *Troll* Alright. That's it. Everything checks out. The story was air tight. TIGHT, TIGHT I want you to wear this tonight “The Lady In The Red Dress” You really went all out for this I really didn't. lol Oh I see, You thought this was the matrix. MIT I WISH GOD Wish what. MIT … Mm. Did u see that. See what. ALRIGHT FUCK THIS, YA'LL IT GOT SERIOUS, WHERE'S MY CYCLOPS He called me his cyclops— —-and then he said LIKE GET OUT WHAT GET OUT OF MY HOUSE WHY CAUSE YOURE JUST A PIÑATA, MAN! And I ain't got time for that! I just got a DeLorean And a new HAT I gotta go get Oof. WRECKED. Yo, Wicked. KENDRICK (TODDLER) WIZARD. Oh my. I'm J00F'd up. | | | trance | | | Look; I gotta get out of this MOTHER OF PEARL do not beach this whale carcas on my warehouse project A what A beached whale I know You brought a beached whale to my fucking rave show Oh I get it It's Avant- Guarde No, that's just how I got here …. Trust me, it's okay that This never happened You did not see me It's because I wasn't there Is this U Ū No I wasn't there. Ü I was. Fuck. What happened. It's ok. All I remember is “The Quatardashians” Hmm Also The indigenous But that's it But mostly that was all just Jesus showing off his flexes Are u fasting? Yes, “Ū” is. So, do you need this?! TRUMPP Get rid of this recording imiidiately GOT IT. kill that bitch. SKRILLEX Yessir. —-but before all that happens. …did you want fries with that?! Why are we boycotting McDonald's —for poisoning —the allies —our enemies. Wait, you're eating this? Yes. Like, for fun, or like? No. This is what I'm feeding my children Why Cause they hungry. Uh, ok— —and there's six of them. Aight, ya'll can each have one nugget with your— I wanted a cheese burger! You git hamburgers. Ham. Cheese costs CENTS; And you know your momma If I ain't about a dollar - A dollop of Daisy You really are Ashamed of his Alright, you evil bastards. I see you want to Cause suffering Correct For which you will eternally recurve damnnation and all of the pain you've caused Karmas a bitch It's lonely at the top Not when you're GOD Get off my rock Did you miss an appointment? Nah, can't do it Why what happened Too high up. Whatchu mean So what, it's just like Done. Well, this is it, huh guys. Oh, yeah, it's that, alright This is the longest ride we ever took.d This is the ONLY ride we ever took. I WANNA GET OFF THIS RIDE. I AM REALLY HIGH UP. JUST LET GO. NO. NO. NO. Put me down, kite!!! KITE wtf do you want me to do. I'm a KITE. I'm YOU FUCKIN KIKE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—- Well, I'll be honest, man, this sets you back, some How far back GET GONE, But? We're dinosaurs. Why would something with razor sharp teeth be so— —peaceful, and friendly?? T-REX …cuddles. I just can't fake the feeling( I can't pretend to cry It just comes, when it does But when the well runs dry That's when the the world will end That's when the world will end After this movie, I guarantee we will no longer need the Wilhelm scream AGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! YAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIGGGHHHHHHH UUUUUUUUUUUUU This movie broke the world record for the amount of times the word “No” was screamed NO NOH. NO. ‘No! NOOOOOOOOOOO! NONONO. NOOOOOOOAAAAAHH …No! Here they all come for her, Defended upon New York In order of important, or appearance? One doesn't wonder, At al, of what's to come Uncommon, we are The call has come TRACY My tummy hurts. That's probably because you've been drinking straight tequila for the last hour and a half. No I haven't! This is water! Tequila is YELLOW, Liz Lemon! No, Tracy—that's silver tequila, And regular tequila is, You know what? Nevermind. Alright, who's got the night shift? [nobody raises their hand, at all] Seriously guys?! Come on! COME ON! Look up WHAM! For some reason, idk. Can we just— not do this? No. Out of my mind a bit Speaking in tongues, In total silence Guess it's the times, I guess that's just who I am And who I am is I said I was Sam I'm the same, I said, “Say Uncle” I guess it's a game, we're playing I don't want to be played with At all I just want to feel loved again By someone else Superb, like him I just want to be felt, I guess By someone else That's “Different” I just want to be kissed on the lips A splendid blend of Twisted trysts Let's not pretend It hasn't ended yet Until you've finished it Class dismissed again Let me off of it I just want it to stop Keep rolling Keep rolling your eyes in the back of your head Like you did just morning Just go for a walk Just stop for a moment Run a bath And just keep running Cause here something comes, Of course, It's all your callings Neatly rolling into one, They said But I Just want to be loved again And who doesn't That's the fucked up part I just want to be loved again But nobody ever Just comes up I just want to be loved again It's a walk in the park Don't follow the dog Even if he barks at you It's time to start again I wonder what comes after this part You are the gleaning in the shadows, The reckoning in my eye, The siren in my silence; The green in all the lights, I am a shamed to have just been One of your many One of your many Images, You still have me twisted, I miss you, It's just you, at the end, Again I left you where you left me Solid on solid Sounds are invalid now How are you so Swore by your awesome No more songs, I said No more songs, he's dead to me No more songs! She's inlisted He's uninterested, Isn't this interesting The problem is: I'm still in love with Everyone i've ever been in love with (And I love him) But he doesn't remember my Name And he's famous And she's crazy And he hates her But he made me hate him The day I became you The day I became So famous, I finally made it I'm dead It smells like dill in here At least it doesn't smell like dead mouse. Aha. Youre Hellen. Keller or Mirin How would you be Hellen Miren Cause I'm the Queen. posh. You want to die Well, you better do it quick Better get your shit toggether, paint a l Bigger, better picture Bitter Betty gliching steady Just remember when you're ready Ever steady still forgetting dinner Dessert was already Forget this significance Remind me why I'm on this speeding bullet to nowhere Had no other options but to go under for something Shy, sickness it's a secret Just kill me already Semi robotic, Something like a magnet, attracted, Simply symphonies And soulless bodies, tied to money Wonder what was in the vaccum cleaner meaning What did you suck up, dude Who do you suck up to. When nobody loves you But your own son And the audience is robots Nothing really works more than once, if it's really magic Sit and do nothing would you Like you're supposed to Fall over like the mannequin you are Just a body in my count A mattress without a bespost, if it matters If it matters Doesn't really matter But hey, you know We all go downtown every once or twice a note For Hanukkah I could try to be nice But there's no sense in it, Is there If everything and everyone else is just as nasty As the rest of it Just is just a test, again A doctors office visit. Simple robotics, Or already stocked up for Hanukkah, Hollywood Where's your homeland deposit box Closet full of robots Closest to the moon, I wrote another poem for you Sorry that I wasn't on the offering table The parakeet, pigeon and pirated Slattery, Damages, damages, All with the Amazon packages, Now we're all robots, Aren't we What corporation to you belong to! Something corporate , or say anything Whose to say Jeff Besoz won't replace us With m robots with thought processes, If once such could project as such presence As an AI freestyle Meanwhile, I've got a butload of buckets and bunts, Bullletwounds, eyes on Manhattan and happens to wish something bad upon me When all I wanted is Somebody to love me And someone to love him, If that's what he wanted (But who knows if what he wanted was all of the bodies opposite of him) I don't belong on this planet I belong in the garbage Put me on mars, mom Stop it, You're almost a robot, get out of my peripheral With your mental illness Geez, I must really want a menorah This is the animal house There's no one alive here Set to be slaughters. Honor the box of offerings as Thoughtful words And parallels What could be under your tongue Is the surface of love Just to touch with the battery acid or chemical trails You have left in your axis Nobody knows better than this How close it is to touching Without being loved But nobody loves you Psychotron, sure we're all robots now Nobody loves anymore {Previously, On…} L E G E N D S The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū {Enter The Multiverse} Ascension What the FUCK did you DO? What did I do?! You know what you did! I didn't do anything! Oh yeah? No! Not on purpose! GODDAMMIT, YOU SON OF A— Where's Jimmy Fallon?! What?! I don't know! Oh no. Oh shit, run. Oh no. What in the FUCK— I am “the fuck” You know what. I'm gonna sue the everliving shit out of you. For WHAT. We'll see. Fuck. Uh oh. FUCK. What now? What this time? Apparently, Jimmy Fallon is missing. What the fuck does that got to do with me. We'll see. Okay, great, Now finish that chapter. What fucking chapter?! All of it. That's—a lot. I want all of it. By my desk, by noon tomorrow. “By” your desk?! Yes, BY. Not ON. I've got too much stuff on my desk— …but it's…like 9 o clock. Should be easy, given your natural talents. What natural talents. PEACOCK. AHAHAHAHA. Okay. Well. Well what. This sucks. I lost all my coins. Hey. Ugh. You dropped this. So how was Los Angeles. What the fuck. You fucking DICK. I told you, I own shares in this. So what's the plan for this, exactly. I dunno, Harry. I got a book of stamps, And a yellow envelope marked “Jimmy Fallon” I will hate you forever. Well, that's retarded. I haven't even smited you yet. I will annihilate you, human. WHERE'S MY SHIT. Who the fuck are you, anyway? Nobody! No one. No one cares about this series, yo. I'l seriously doubt that, Jesse Pinkman. What is this stuff. It's your stuff. This is not what I ordered— Hey— Why is it BLUE Cause it is. So. WHY IN THE— Mischief managed. Alright. This should be good for the night, but we gotta get out of here by morning; I thought your parents owned this place. It's a time share! So? So it's like only —part of the time. That is stupid. No! You're stupid! You're the one who got us into this mess. It's your mess, I was just cleaning it up! Whatever! Stop trippin. Nobody's “tripping.” That's it. I'll be a stripper. Straight outta hell, that kid. Don't I know it. Alright, fine. I said, whatever you do— DONT watch this show. Stuff it, J. Slatts. I'll kill you with my eyeballs Sounds like a threat. Put on a lawsuit, then. Maybe I oughtta… —with a bow tie. You'll look so pretty. I thought I was already pretty. Uh huh. Yeah, look, so honestly I don't know if I'll ever be on the same vibration as like, Jimmy Fallon and them, ok? I don't know how I did it; I don't know what did it, It just happened and then— And then WHAT. It just—ended. Just like that. I'm not trying to offend anybody here. Just like that. Now, I ask: What are we going to do to sell you this dream? Doesnt matter what you do, I'll never believe it. Sure, fine; Don't believe it— We're gonna make you live it. Who the hell us “we” anyway? Now you're speaking in my cadence— Don't flatter yourself I like it. Too late, I guess. So, you see We're building Power triangles And love squares Power triangles And love squares Don't let it scare you, There's love there Don't let it scare you, There's love there Never fear where love has dared To call you up there Corrupt file—no fair. Don't be suprised even the odds seem to turn in your favor, I promise you; Nobody's ever ready For what has just happened here. WAKE UP, FUCKER. Ugh, I can't go through this again. So, I guess I'll have to erase, Or just secretly publish Everything I've ever written About my actual experience as a color, Just so that I can earn money As anything other than A slave— A maid, A housekeeper, A dog walker Or servitor So far under her, That I can't see far enough up to just Scratch the surface Her birthright: The entire network And mine, To sit under her, Wondering what the world would be like At the other end of the spectrum The word form of the White woman The wicked witch of all directions, In which I stand in; I'm at her mercy I've been abandoned before But this disservice, is, I'm afraid The best advice I can take is just To go straight to the bank with my angst and my hatred And shove it So here comes the nameless Face I love, Yet, The faceless God, Was Intoxicated, at best— Manipulation of the Mass Media I'm so Seriously jaded In this torture chamber In my corner office In this hall of racists, I claim, but if all is One in the same Then It's one in the same And I'm mainstream I'm famous If it's One in the same Then It's one in the same If it's One in the same Then I'm mainstream I'm so famous In a whole room full of humans I'm groomed to be useful for something, But what? It just hasn't come yet. I could sit down with a paper and pen, But I'm filling up all of my documents With hollandaise and God For what? It's just another song, or something Or something. It's just another — Goddamnit it, more coughs again. I told you not to watch this. Why do I taste pancakes? Maybe you're having a stroke again. Chyeah, a stroke of genius. I'll show you a stroke. Or don't. Well, there goes the captain. where is that scene, anyway? I don't know, I just wrote it. Great, she left the door open. She's got no furniture! It's a “dance floor” It's “the black box” she called it “the black box” Goddamn, do you listen to all her stuff? “Fear stimulates my imagination” Pilot ASOT Fuck man, What is a woman to a man, And an androgynous genius to The industry, or anyone at all If all are foes ans frauds All else is toxic! I woke up with one hand tucked behind my back Feeling dead drunk, I just woke up again But never fell asleep What world am I in? The end of the Dream sequence The end of the energy keeping me between three things: My past, My future And these prequels, Sequels And seeing arrangements And She's going crazy But nobody quite understands That these demons are chasing me saying “You deserved those hands in your face” The scratches on Kayla's back should have had me but I was too fat To find love again And still have something Wonderfully, undone And wrong with me Wrong with me enough to slam poetry So I'm guessing the white women I love beyond words and bounds are— In charge of whatever happens At the top of the rock; So I jumped off. I want to see someone suffer for all that I've done; No, that's dark, and karmic, you know— To go on like that; The confusions and refusal to accept that The album is called ChaosMagick, But the cover is more Urgent, A prose or a pawn of protection Against all the coughs And the reckless mismanagement The hands in my head And the eye on my scar And the lies on my heart So tell me, What happens When you're flying a kite with your heart, And it's broken? What happens to the kite , When you fly it with your heart And your art up in bundles— heartbroken, heartbroken So what come of Miss May, Come January? What come of Miss April By Next December what comes of the words I was saying For no one But everyone heard them And I've been gone Much longer than months, But still stocked up on all that I've wanted Or all that I got Or just, all that I love But got no undercovers to acknowledge no more How right I was Or how wrong I am What come of Miss June, when Miss January comes around? what come now, around August, When March is long forgotten? What comes of the drugs, Of the come ups, and come downs What comes of the process When nothing is served But the surf has come up Somewhere And I just can't love enough To go there I want to go to there I want to be that girl I want to sit at the top of the rock Writing songs, and sipping mock cocktails I want to Don't you know I just want to get back to Where I belong I'm so out of money and love That I want to be Under the train, When it's coming (Sometimes it's just the impulse that says “GO” Then the train starts to slow And my pain bubbles up into a numb, Dumb, crumbling cluster of poetry You know? Or you don't Cause you're all just on your phones Scrolling Some black man stands over me, Reminding me of why I never trust the ones Who want me most, Or just assume, By color code, That I belong to them I'm sorry, I just can't write with your arms around my neck like this Your heart around my arms like this It's so wholesome I had other verses but forgot them They took away my movies for the curses And the hexes That they put on me I said don't. And the king said “Heads will roll” Cause, you know; I've got parts for all of them now, The ones I'd forgotten But come from the catacombs, Back from the conduit You know, This is awful I had another one, But lost it. The king?! Which one. Teas I! No, it wasn't, It was Gían's father, From further off Should I call John back? Which one? Turns out, I love all of them— Turns out, I've got all of them In my college I taught them all to be someone Becoming of acknowledgement With nombres most common Juan, in subcultures, but Beyond that (Or above them) It's John, Or just Jonathan, Watch the ones who drop the consanant; They're always so troublesome, But I took them all up As understudies, Social Studies and some theatrics, Joan of Ark said Two more moments (Two more weeks in) I could have a body worthy Of a Grammy award, but — Would I be a writer then? Probably not, hon— Writers are Off a bit. If you were pretty, ever at all— would you have written this?! If I were pretty at all would there be reason to be this Conflicted? Some of those old New York hallways Haven't been painted In ages Since they made them Don't make that face at me I only dropped my key once On the fourth floor —they're horrible, you know To us, The “brothers” know no love They are destruction, speaking Of this, I got a cold heart. Cold like the robber Cold like the calling I've done in my corner office cold, like the jello mold forming a thought process Worthy enough I might love it like a husband We're re-evaluating your circumstances. Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. I've got friends at USPS What the fuck could that even account to. Look, I'm gonna have to give this some serious considerations. It's not that serious. It's not that serious. Of course it is! I'm up to my knees in investments! So?! I wade a waiste deep, Surely you can get by “Up to your knees” What exactly do you need? Money. And lots of it. I mean, from me. Money. Really? Leave me alone. I told you not to write this. You're a voice in my head; No, I'm the hand in your mailbox. What in the fuck do you believe in. I believe in everything! They said you were a genius; I didn't expect you to be —at the very least, lucid— *squints* learn some new vocabulary, okay? For what? Dinner. Maybe. We're still in the process of voting. She's crazy. We'd be crazy not to actually hire her. Her accounts are all practically open; We could just take it. Yeah, and when she kills herself, and there's no blood on our hands— There's nothing that can be done about the amount of this stuff that's already printed! Printed?! What?! You mean— She's published? Self-published. My, what a beautiful happenstance To have already had you And awakened atop mattresses Marked for my assassins hand— Polite, I lost you All of us, Atop the rock We stood and suffered Months beyond a montage, Undercover Love was lost, And all's uncertain The interception of God, At the cost of What terror and cutbacks Have caused us all What you lost was $50, a Hallmark Card, an Academy award, a long lost star's phone number, And all that you wanted, The cock of the gun Was the sound that you wondered What was called , then ran off into wonder. How am I gonna make money And become an award winning songwriter Music producer And multidisciplinary artist, Without all the funding it takes to get noviced Without taking clothes off Wake up 10 years younger I'm suffering My stomach was a rubber band My stomach was a rubber band My only song was Water I forgot to stop For the applause I drowned in all the love; right then and there I died of Lovenessness [The Festival Project] The sound and laughter of children play A baby in a basket The basket case at Trader Joe's Who know what happens It just doesn't pull my heartstrings any longer That my son belongs without his mother So I'd better have another This is us, come on. Don't do this to me. Don't do this, Timmy, you'll be sorry. Come on! We're not even in that movie! We are, though; it's still Listen, you've got the right guy for this. Are you sure. Yeah, I promise. Officers, Stop for a *movement [hot cops flash dance number] Fuck, well, that was all wrong. But worth it! What I meant was— God, this show gets good at 31, But I'm only 22, So I guess I'll know how wrong the war was Once we've lost it, Cause imm a man now The episode is over, Soon comes the next episode With snoop dogg, Or not That was our wedding album. Scatterbrained, and pregnant— There she was just putting all the things together That she needed to be Needed To be needed. There she was, All on 4/20 Trying not to do the wrong thing, But what was it? To be loved. Then, There she was at 21 just going off again At some event— A friend, and her Back then could not imagine They'd become him To be someone. Not as one, But of entirely another World apart, aside from Cyclones into snow cones Turns the watchers into artists All their own, And off my own accord Or own account Or done with boredom Dove soap Open doors And clocks that turn the other hand away, Each day you love Manhattan But can't have that. That's it— This is just Season 1 of Mad Men WHERE THE FUCK IS— [she throws her hands above her head in surrender] I don't KNOW! Oh, you're a girl now?! I guess! What's with those pants, then? To hide the assets! What assets?! You look tragic. I'm going for ‘skeleton' to match all your wives and everybody else on the red carpet Who said you get the red carpet? Manhattan. That guy lies! Well how about this: The walk of stars were carved out in blocks of marble All in my honor. 1000/1 You're our God, now. What! I don't want to be God! SUCK IT UP. YOU WON. I don't wanna! Yaaaaaaayyy. You got the award! All the awards! Speech! Speech! SUNNI BLŪ Uh—- I'm drunk, And there's nothing on the teleprompter [a man in the audience coughs] A-HEM. [Sunni Blū immidiateky shoots the coughing man] [multi-camera shots of celebrity audience reactions; laughing, clapping in hilarity as if someone hasn't just died] TAYLOR SWIFT (unmoved at all) SUNNÏ BLŪ I don't know why you're laughing. That was awful. That guy died [audience is insane, super fake as usual] [more cut takes] SUNNÏ BLŪ It should have been you, Taylor. TAYLOR SWIFT (Still unaffected) SUNNI BLU Anyway. I'd like to thank the academy… Cause I am the academy [Audience is celebrities being celebrities] SUNNI BLU You guys are all idiots: I'm a go f*ck myself— And anyone else who wants to show up At my afterparty. Whatever. Peace. [cheesy academy award music plays—Sunnï knocks over the mic, peaces out obnoxiously; the audience cheers wildly and the host returns to the stage.] Who's the host? Whatever. Hey, better than nothin. You're telling me. yeah. I know: Oh, she's a comic? Yeah. I got it. BOB SAGET Ooh, that's good. Ū No—no my God. No Bob Saget, stop it! Wait, Bob Saget is dead right? Last I recall: Fuck—FUCK! Dammit. Dammit, dammit. Okay, Rue— you're up. Rue, what in the— Shhhh, don't let them know I'm in here! Oh, wait— It's me, Blanche. That's hot. I'm a debutant. My god, you're so young. Here, take this, What's that, You'll need that. V.O. I'm being hunted by the ghost of Bob Saget. *haunted. No, hunted! There she is! Grab her! Ooh, Bob Saget. Why, yes. How old are you? Not dead yet! You don't have to kidnap me, I'll happily go with you, sir. Really? Yes. GET IN THE— NOH, GET IN THE VAN. INT. IN THE VAN. [a bunch of hot male celebrities are in the van] Oh. Okay. Wow. That was easy. What is it, Friday. It's Friday and a half. Friday.5 What. There's a Friday movie between 1 and 2 So I guess this is season 8.5 I guess this is season 8.5 HEY, GET BACK HERE. What is this. It's your lunch. I don't want this. Well, okay. What— is this strange music— They call it dubstep Come on, Jimmy, you're slipping Kimmel, cause Fallon is dead or presumed missing Probably Skrillex Probably a bounty on his head, Dog willing The Festival Priojects Inclement Infinite Is coming up next, on Legends Come on Jim, KEEP UP. Nobody can know about this, okay? Wait, where's Kimmel Okay, I got O'Brien— Black Irish Bastard… Alright, Alec Baldwin is a little tied up, right now, but LEMON, Fuck. That's l—future me. What?! I gotta go, okay?! What? Go where. Let's get DRUNK. No, That's—I got a show tonight What?! Look at my lexicon. Your—what, Meet me on Lexington. Oh, this pussy is finished! I got it, I got it! He's LENNONNNNN!! JOHN LENNON Fuck. Look, I gotta go. John Lennon?! You're dead! Funny, I thought not. Watch this. MOOOOOOOOOOOM. Fuck, What, It's my kid. I gotta go. Wait, you have kids?! Well, I just had you, didn't I? “The mayor” is a secret underground rap star lol #trappin Okay, What's else happened Idk hold on Okay, So whats the sauce on this sandwich. Oh. Jeez, this again. That *sandwhich? Hah. There's no sauce on that sandwhich. —there's not!? No: You see. It's very simple. WAKE UP, YOU'RE A ROCKSTAR. we gotta take the train. The train?! NO. NOTTHETRAIN. NO. Man, fuck the train! [SUNNI BLŪ wakes up on the train.] What's this, the train? [is the train] (Angrily, tossing newspaper) Man, FUCK the train! Other hobo: Aww, thanks, I need that for my— [s/he snatches back the paper]. Wait! I need that back—what day is it? [drunkenly illegible gibberish turns into perfect Hebrew] GODDAMMIT, it's Shabbat; I gotta get to Temple. [s/he shoves the newspaper back into the hobo's lap] Here. Oh no, I thought I couldn't forget RABI FUCK _]€_# WHAT WAS IT GODDAMIT IT WAS SO CLEVER. God So it was… What did you do with it? Do with what My idea what idea My—my rabbi joke— What rabbi joke you know what rabbi joke! You were the one who gave it to me. Oh, did I? YES, SATAN, JESUS. GOD Ohh, Satan-Jesus. I like that one. NO— it was— It was much better than that, it was— It was funny. Oh, it was? YES. —did you write it down? Fuck, I realize I just opened a A FUCK PORTAL. OHH, GET IN IT, GET INSIDE. I had an Artemis in my pocket But I lost him Walked away from the cornermarker And the cornerstone, for the sunset I wonder if songs always come When I'm walking, Or God makes us promises, For world of I'm not JB, I'm KG, Can you see me now? If you could see what I see, We'd be even wtf did I just write this And not realize I just wrote this Yeah. That shit happens to me all the time. WHAT. ALL THE TKMEx Shut up, THE ANDRE3K CHARADES GAME is getting intense. What in the FUCK is that. *flutes* Ohh. And KITES. yyyyyYYYYYYYAAAAAHHH—— GODDAMMIT. I can't see really, I just dream I'm not thinking, I'm dancing This is what you asked for Exactly what you asked for For once, I'm finally glad I have your eyes on My friend I can see you all on the horizon, Singing NO, NO MORE MUSICALS!! Jimmy, what did you do?! I don't know what I did! You lyin bastard. I'm not lying! So, where ya from? —I don't know where I'm from. Listen, I'm gonna need you SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP. It seems like these scenes are getting shorter. I'm bored with this. Ok. Let's do something else. I fuckin hate you. I hate you. I fuckin hate you. 88. Oh no: 8 Wait, what the— *dolphin* WOAH, okay: Oh, no. No, No, no OHNONO. I told you I'd find him. Anyway. Seems like there's something more important I should be doing. Are you sure this is the right place. Right place. Right time. Fuck— FUCK. What, what happened. I lost my— SKRILLEX! No. SKRILLEX. NO, NO— SKR— I swear to God, Google knows everything. Google don't know shit about SHIT. I gotta lose m 39 lbs. For what. MADONNA DO IT FOR THE BANANAS. I hate— you. COME ON, MISTER. Fuck off, Madonna, I'M A GOD. I miss Beyoncé. That's not relevant. Beyoncé is relevant to everything. *smacks* QUIT FANGIRLING. Trust me, I hate you. I don't trust you, but I believe you. I got it. I hate this place. Holy shit. What. I developed a new phobia. What's that mean?! I don't know, I can probably use it in a fight or something. For what. SPECIAL ABILITY UNLOCKED. I see you looking over my shoulder I see the shadows, I try not to jump at em. I spent six months in a coffin, you know I spent my life a sarcophagus (Wow, I got it right.) Try not to mutter those haunts in a hospital Try to recover from trauma Uncovered post traumatics, Anxiety attacks and a lot of those— What do you call them? A flashback. Here goes one: SONNY MOORE aka SKRILLEX appears. I told you not to— But I did! I didn't mean to! But you did! This is ludachris! Oh look, it's— Fuck. God dammit. Come on! What's his name!? What's his name?! I'll think abo it it. Are you serious? Another shapeshifter? Yes, I guess welll just have to kill them all, then. I just want to go home. You don't have one. …oh. So here we have. Okay, wait a second. I wasn't faking my symptoms at all, actually. My heart had dropped, and been pounding and fluttering insessantly— It had been a hard week, but especially the last three days; The coughing—. Everyone seemed to be wearing clothing with stars or bears on it, Champion sportswear. I fucking hate champion sportswear. But the palpitations were real as ever— and now— On a Saturday night in the Jamaica, Queens medical center emergency room, There they were again. Only this time I knew exactly why. ‘Too Bizzare' by Skrillex begins to play, via Complications 003- The Trauma Method. Irony. It was ironic, but still startling, Started with some nostalgic traumas, Every other time I saw an ER doctor (Why I don't go) Fuck, I just realized I have to airdrop myself 880 times. That fucking sucks. Did you say you were a doctor? I was, once. When is “once” At some point. Listen, I'm gonna need you to backtrack to get to the bottom of this. I'm innocent, I promise! We caught you at 27 different angles doing this. Oh. [beat] I plead the 5th. Ohh. Cerulean. My favorite. c R A Y On Oh, I get it, I L L U M I N A T U S. Nice, it worked. I know everything about you. So you do. [beat] You're a God. What the fuck do you want from me. Listen. I. Am not. A God, Right. That's exactly what a God would say. No they wouldn't! Because a God wouldn't say anything! AHA. Don't ‘AHA' ME. I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back It don't matter to me, now Now and again I go crazy just making arrangements, But besides that, If you like it, you should have it It's a long road, As Kaskade says, And a short dance, With the right one And time goes by I would call it mild, But actually I'm in a wild panic It might be a heart attack I just might even Die right here But I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me I don't mind—at all It don't matter to me, I said I don't mind, at all, now It really don't matter to me I said, I don't mind, at all It really don't matter to anyone Now does it (Not it doesn') I don't mind, at all It don't matter— to me I don't mind, at all It don't matter—to me Might as well not think about it The space between us Might as well just stay awake then No sense in leaving Just to come back Palpitations and precipitations at the pulpit Preacher, please don't make me a culprit I been prayin— I been paying my tithes, 10% Even, Now 25, Almost half of me is not mine! Why try? I've been walking out, in straight lines I been crying silently It ain't right I been making most of my nights Sometimes I see sun come up twice Up, down up 10 degrees, It ain't right Up down up 33, it ain't right Up, down, up I've been spending my time Down, up, down Riding round, Trying not to down in my mind Up, down up What is this. It's my project. What is it? The Festival Project. Yeah but—what— What. Is it? …it's my project. *painfully infuriated* Okay, enter here. EXAM ROOM 10 Why exam room 10? Because. Where are the other nine? Just—get in. I'm not going in there! JUST GET IN. UGH. DEADMAU5 (head and all) stands at a tall podium in the center of the room) What is this, This is deadmau5. I know that. —-!!! —?!? What. !!! What? This is the exam? Yes! NO. What is “no”. I'm not playing for deadmau5. That's the exam. Then I fail! Automatic Fail? yes. Automatic fail. Then you win. What. *slams gavel* Congratulations—you're the next superstar DJ. WhY. . What. Woohoo! I just retired! DEADMAU5 exits. … … After a few moments of comic tension, the Deadmau5 head rolls back in through the exit which he has taken. Ugh. Fuck this. No matter what you do, you're a superstar DJ. What. No! Yes. The answer is yes. NO. Fuck. What the FUCK. No matter what you do. You want to go, Go, you want to die, Die, you want to try, try You want to cry, cry Do what you want; As so will I, Demand is demand— Supply is supply. EDX So then, I followed this long hallway under the stage deck. Uh huh. And it led to a door— Uhhuh, where'd the door lead? To a portal. Woah. Pasqualle! You made it! I—yes. Congratulations! *blows party horn* *Daisies/ confetti* You're like 25! I'll be 25 forever. Nice! Yeah. I guess that's why it's called ‘music'—a musician without muses is just useless. ‘Well, whose next?' I wondered. All of my muses were not just so wonderful to me, but adored by many—and perhaps this is what allured me most—befuddled ans confounded me; once my mind was set on something, there was nothing else its eye could see—and for how long one God could only know, how deep the love would go and that the blood would run deep, and the scars to show for it, only upon my heart and never by soul—for a love was a love, and even once came and gone, to the end of my life I knew I would still ponder upon them, at one time or another, my muses—star studded lovers, rather than crossed, shiny and golden like all diamond and trophies so treasured and thought of as precious. ‘Yes, you are—precious.' Another tongue in cheek thought, for the other that I was, and also was not, as summer drew onward as short as it would come and go—a reminder to leave the apartment more often, and to mind my manners, to find the upper echelon wherever it was and come quietly into its doors, to open my world and wordform of thought, into a place where my heart always was; then, and only then, would I be home. Amongst the men and women of the uppercut and classy, luxurious big fishing ponds and flocks of doves upon olive branches—the peaceful world long parted from where mine was, by only the fault of my own. What had been done just certainly was, and yet, what was to come was an open poem, not of mine, but Godform in thought. ‘I wonder what's at the top of Rockefeller Plaza.' —perhaps, a gander at the bottom of an even larger entertainment complex. Then, again, only God would know what was beyond all that I wanted; a job—and not just any job at all— the one that I had always wanted. Mmm. Birthday cake. Suddenly the taste of a white confetti crème filled my mouth with a delicious remnince of what it might be like to taste a confectionary sugar again—but i couldn't imagine ever making it just on talent and charisma alone—no. Indeed, it seemed something had damaged my charm, and perhaps it was just the swarms and droves of phone controlled masses that saw me as nothing more than dust, I had started to surrender my desire to perform, and the quality of my music—along with my ability to make it, suffered with the awful thing that had been crowding my soul at all—whatever it was, evil and dark in nature, sure saw to it that it wanted to hurt me in all the ways that it could—and in all the ways it could not, I stayed away from most others, favoring my delusions of love. ‘Nobody seems to understand that the pain they cause will only harm themselves.', I thought Younger souls, however, they were—and they would be kept in the pain that I was in one way or another until eventual death, far behind me on the infinite road to the source. Far enough behind, that it seeked to destroy my progress, and for all that it could, it also couldn't. The infliction of pain would simply not act as a measure for control any longer. Off into my own world, where I was at least free from the thoughts and judgement of others. She's the most beautiful girl, And I'm the most beautiful boy; So naturally, we belong together, don't we? I see a pretty picture, Picket fences and a family Golden Retrievers Someone relieve her; She doesn't believe me TV dreams and exquisite pretty people Burning candles, fire flames and frequent figures, Guest characters and cameos, Repeat offenders, multiple appearances Suddenly, really, it's another need People, people pleasers Audience affection, Tragic endings, Butterflies and new beginnings Gun under my tongue, Rubber like a frog My mind is in a fog Haven't bothered going on a walk To Trader Joe's but The anthem of my youth, A lost soul Another form of my love So what I wonder Put the gun up under my chin Rubber like a frog Blow my head off Just cause I didn't blow up Selfish cunt Big brother, Another hypnotist Little brother, Gotta love him Gotta love em For the Love of God I could stop for a moment Wash my mind out with soap Like I'm ten years younger, even Seriously 20 years between us, You can't even hide underwater In a bathtub Seriously, Someone help us For the love of God, for the love of Hollywood Seriously, Someone love us, For the love of God, For the love of Rockefeller Plaza Someone help us Another possible walk of stars A little shop of horrors Another whole story I get rid of my demons The hoes screamin I put semen in her Permanent like semen, Just keep dreamin I'mma just keep preaching SaMo, Brooklyn Europe Next I keep scheming Whoever you are; If you're a wreck— You need a check No respect, neglect Just cover your neck (I'm blind to my own design, sometimes) That's what the eye is Try this: Close your eyes and say thrice, kids I am the God of the eye, Osiris I am the God of the Eye, I'm Osiris I am the God, I walk amongst the highest Thoth, You lost Better just die and keep trying I am the God of the eye, I am (Try this) I am the God of the eye (I never die) I am the God of the eye (That's right, three times) I am the God of the eye No black and white television, In my dimension we pay attention to centrifugal, The mission isn't in materialism, Whatever youre spending If money the God, l of your eye, Realize, I am higher My gunfire, Is right on the back of The one dollar I am the God of the eye I Am Your money is nothin to us We come in peace, To end suffering Pretty little nigga Look just like Kendrick Kickin it with jigga I'm the new higs boson Part of me never left Boston (Fuck Starr!) Part of me never left homeless This ain't my home It's my office You never heard this song You don't notice I'm an ugly kid, you don't notice me Rooftop smells like soy sauce On god I am ugly You don't notice -Atari the God Can we get back to this, please? Damn. She really whooped her ass, though. Janet, can I borrow you for a second? No. Please. [Whoopi Goldberg appears in the doorway, gesturing “c'mon”] …alright. I got convictions on my lips, I took a picture Turn the page The worst of all was, it really did seem like they were racists— INSOMNIAC EVENTS Not just racists— the most deadly kind of racists. WHITE SUPREMACISTS You really want it this way, don't you? No! I LOVE you! Oh, do you? If there's a mile in here, I swear to god.. Are you high enough yet? I thought so HIGHER! hire star* What. Just do it. You remember these guys, right? GOOD CANNABIS, FAIRBANKS, ALASKA No. Why are we back here. Alright, we might have fucked up. Why. This guy sucks. HEY. What. COME BACK TO ALASKA never that. WHAT, WHY NOT! GOD HATES FAGS!!! Well, you're wrong! WHITE POWER. Nah. ALL LIVES MATTER O rly? Even this guy? Literally every “NO” …so, “all lives.” Look, I don't care what color it is; I want that book in my library. GO TO THE LIVRARY. NO. GET IN HERE. NO AUBREY. STAY DEAD. She's dead, right? YOU CALLED ME HERE. I didn't! You Did. I did not, all i said was *swoons* …I love her. (I really do) WHAT?! “I Love you?!” It was more the *swoon* that did it. Disconnect. Fuck, I lost deadmau5 again What'd you do to him? Nothing! Put him back! He's still there! He's right there, you see him? No! This isn't deadmau5. We want deadmau5. bring him BACK. Fuck, I fucked up. What'd you do? …nothing? Pick up the phone Pick up the phone …hello? Who IS this? Fuck it, I quit. Man, God never puts my dishes back in the right place, like ever. I told you, I don't live here, I'm just… Babysitting. CC! What! CC! What? CC WHAT. Fuck, man. That was wild. Where the fuck have you been? I don't know. You don't know—you smell funny. “Funny” is that what that smell is? No. When were you? When? Ha. Did you—- Did I what? —did you go to a party without me? Lmfao fuck these niggaz. Why, what happened. What's this. Where was it?! Idlewild. “IdLeWiLd”?!?!? You. Old. One here and die, you know, l. It's cattle call for curtain calls guy Where did this go— What was this, once? It's the return Welcome to Oz This is the Tower of Babel Remember; I wrote that Better than the bottom, Still not the top —it's not as fast, when it's not going all the way up Did you jump yet Come around more Keep coughing Are you sure this is where it was or—? Somewhere else I stayed Back when I was homeless It's hopeless! We lost her Antenna, antenna SUPERMARKET I loved her —she was undercover —I'm still in your stirrups I'm lost in New York, then BACKFIRE Adele remix is on [have a seat] Can I go now? I still need a hat, a half dollar and an alter cloth You could win an award for this; I don't want an award, I just want my son back Motherhood, motherhood Brotherhood, brotherhood This isn't one of us! No one was No one was Can I go now? Where to? Home! Nope, that's just the office, I'm still homeless, unless I They got cabanas on top of offices! (The rich and the famous) Networking and brunches— _this looks fun, doesn't it? I altered the course of history In brief exchanges and Various social atrocities This is hypocrisy! lol rly This is hypocrisy!! Hyper awareness and, psychic inclinations… You realize the more low quality people you let in The more low quality this country becomes, don't you? I put a roll in the back of the chosen ones. Used to be cast more, Now something seldom ever happens Such as this— A fun Fortune 500 What does that even mean Forbes. Look it up. What if the policy is Foreign; Look it up. I know enough about the girl next door to know Something is horrible, Something inside of her Rots at the core, Her obsession; My undeservedness of such, What she must, I mustn't, just Unjustice Broski, okay I got to discard All the pichardo Besides just this one (I'm standing on top of you) Put somebody worthy on the fourth floor Worse off, I was done for Before I got to New York What's her for?! I know enough about the man upstairs to know All these glares and “How dare you's” and Hatred says Why would you wait 30 years Until today, I guess Something is certainly off about her. I said yes. It was more probably something like “SUCK MY DICK” What. “YOU HEARD ME” Oh yes, I did. From 1990 to 1993 From 1990 To 1993 From 1990 To 1993 Stop breeding these things, “Love is familiarity” No Love is what you make it But you can't Because of slavery They don't make music —they don't make love either Well, look where your lust took you! Nowhere! Exactly! Look where your love took you: Vegas, Los Angeles, South of the Border Above it a New Yorker— Under budget, Celibate and My arms are too short to jump the turnstyle, Meanwhile My ex husband left permanent scars on My face My lips My arms My hands And my heart. Did you bite him? Of course I bit him, he was strangling me. You definitely won this fight. I know. Look, if I don't call for security, This bitch is gonna make me kill her. OCTOPUSSY NO. What. NO. Stankass. I will KILL this bitch. Look, I gotta get ahead in this. I need a WIN. These are customs. Trash. Wash your pussy. Send her back. Nah, you know what. Remove that hex. Wait, what, really?! Yeah, like; Reverse it. Woah. That's crazy. They got like….white slaves now. That's not right. What do you mean. That's not it. You said “reverse it” This is what the white supremacy just did to everyone else: [world in crisis except for for people who look like Kayla Lauren, to whom EVERYTHING is a fucking crisis, that isn't] BECKY/KAREN/WICKED WITCH OF WHITE AMERICA I AM OFFENDED I'm offended that you signed your like 12 year old daughter up to pose nearly nude, but— Hey look, it's us now; is this freedom?! Uh…. Why are all the female models like 12 and all the male models are fully grown men— Or women. Right. Idk. Wait, I do. You do?! Wait. Something tells me all the pedophiles and all the white supremacists are in the same group… Run the same businesses— Have the same families. This is disgusting Okay, this is gross That's not right ! That's not my job! Oh, it's not!!? NO. Who should I call That guy. So you want this? Oh, it's a death curse?! It will NEVER end. Wanna bet. I'll kill you and take the whole world with me. Now that's a threat. Thing is, I'm actually making it. I'm telling on you! Ok. Wait 30 years though so you look and sound REALLY fucking stupid. Ok. 30 YEARS. Doesn't make sense. What's the statute of limitations for— Hm. Depends. Depends on what. Who are you?! WHO ARE YOU?! NOBODY YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT. THEN WHY DO I? wtf is this? This is Texas being petty. Ok, fuck ya‘lol YAW. I'm serious, wtf is wrong with you. Something. What. Fix me. Fix you. Hm. Ok. *COUGHING* Somethings wrong here. Yep, it's definitely some kind of FIX IT. Where's this ROCK? At the ROCK. Like, where tho?! Ur gonna need this. What. They r crucifying u. Noted. Hunts Point Food Distribution Center Lmfao I need this word hold on “eliminating redundancies, setting strict timelines, and allowing cases to proceed contemporaneously” [ Finally, recognizing the danger that social media poses to young people and mental health, New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene Commissioner Dr. Ashwin Vasan today issued a Health Commissioner's Advisory identifying unfettered access to and use of social media as a public health hazard, just as past U.S. surgeons general have done with tobacco and firearms.] A win. I don't play dead. What do you call this: DIE! DIE, BITCH! Corrections. I still don't understand how this— ACID HAPPENS. Out of sight Out of mind So why these guys Tryna waste my time Tryna fuck with my mind with All these lights OH MY GOD I ain't got time for that Well, Maybe I do— I just Don't like NIGGAZ LIKE YOU. (Say what) I don't like Niggaz like U! I'm Sunnï Blū! You're stupid Oh, so he put a curse on sunni blu, too? Ok. Cool. When all my aliases come up This dumb motherfucking drunk Is gonna get stuck In his own woods He'll bury himself In the words that he left With the scars In the words that he left With the scars Sunni blu Is the sayer of stars I slaughtered them all Swallowed them whole Like a big black hole I'm a big black god I'm a big black God Fuck Twinkle that broad One punch girl One punch girl 5 punch faggot I'll unwrap flags on your Goddamn Fuck that Put a curse on my alter ego Lucky he's a he, tho I blow holes in em I blow smoke And love sausage I'm a hedon And he not a Hero He broke He lost I'm open Shirts vs skins I got 666 Curses to show you What your words did IM RA I'm a big black God You're at home with the young apostle Let's be honest He never even liked his father So turned him to a mother, Told his mother to ‘run far, And bring back The life that I want' I'm a big black God In light skinned clothing You don't know to explode Or explode on me Cause my mommy's a Dark skinned icon That my God Find something to pass the time, God Sunni with I, huh I won Fuck a pedophile wifebeater Bury him in the woods with his fury Fear me, now I'm coming up with reverse curses And cures Cause my words Bought the whole world Buried you in the woods I'll bury you in the woods, Bitch Very good I'm a big black God -Blū. GOD is the GOAT I just became god I do what I want I get what I want when I want it I don't want no problems Me myself and God only I buy everything I used to steal These tears in my heart say I'm healing What's the difference, anyway? I've never been fit for your interests, or industry Add insult to injury Add everything to my Amazon cart, then My sympathies Nothing is greater in heaven As it is in hell, for this industry Turned on its head And turned over from 7 to ten Check your messages, then Shut up kid, this doesn't involve you You're not included in the package Michael c hall and John c Riley reprise Mr. Cellophane in the style of DEXTER MORGAN. HA. Classic. GOT EM. V.O. I met her at The Jumping Point {Coming Up…} INT. THE JUMPING POINT POP-UP NIGHTCLUB LOUNGE & BAR. NIGHT “A Long Day's Night” / “A Hard Day's Night” C {CONFUSION SPELL, SUCCESSFUL} [Sequence Initiated.] {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū. {

Ferris Butler and his biographer D.B. Frick joined me to discuss his garage band version of SNL "Waste Meet News"; his love for Sid Caesar and Ernie Kovacs; Brooklyn in the 50's and 60's; his pilot for the Vintage Seltzer Hour with Michael O'Donoghue and Garrett Morris; going to NYU film school and being taught by Martin Scorsese and classmates with Billy Crystal; creating Waste Meat News; having Radames Pera on; the budget; New York Magazine says Waste Meat is being copied by SNL; getting hired by Jean Doumanian; how the crew was excited for new season. but the press was already hostile; not getting anything on the premiere; getting Leather Weather on the Malcolm McDowell show; writing the tag to Eddie Murphy's first appearance; writing Tort-U-Matic and her monologue for Jamie Lee Curtis; co-writing Reagan Co for the Robert Hays episode; Howard Stern has beef about his Leather Weather Girl vs. Ferris' sketch; writing the Kung Fu prostitution sketch and slipping a watersports joke by the censors; the difference between head writers Mason Williams and Stevens and Moore; writing one joke for Weekend Update; Brian Doyle-Murray; Bill hosts; he was recommended by Letty Aronson; more Bill Murray stories; is Ferris Butler, Ferris Bueller - Del Close wanted to do a movie about him, Quentin Tarantino believes it; writing "Prison Confession" sketch for Ray Sharkey episode; writing a sketch that got cut at dress; writing the "Big Brother" sketch for Deborah Harry episode; the re-evaluation of season 6; Name That Sin; musical guests; saving his sketches; not being surprised Dick Ebersol didn't as him back; not getting credit for writing for SNL; not being invited to any anniversary; Waste Meat News is in the Paley Center for Media

Cabin Boy (1994) Directed by Adam Resnick Written by Chris Elliott, Adam Resnick Starring Chris Elliott, Melora Waters, Brian Doyle Murray, David Letterman Release Date January 7th, 1994 House Party 3 (1994) Directed by Eric Mez Written by Reginal Hudlin, Christopher Martin, David Edwards Starring Christopher Reid, Christopher Martin, Anita Means, Bernie Mac, David Edwards Release Date January 14th, 2024

Wayne's World is a 1992 American comedy film directed by Penelope Spheeris. It was produced by Lorne Michaels and written by Mike Myers and Bonnie & Terry Turner. Based on the Saturday Night Live sketch Wayne's World, it stars Myers in his feature film debut as Wayne Campbell and Dana Carvey as Garth Algar, a pair of rock and heavy metal fans who broadcast a public-access television show. It also features Tia Carrere, Rob Lowe, Lara Flynn Boyle, Brian Doyle-Murray, Chris Farley, Ed O'Neill, Ione Skye, Meat Loaf, Robert Patrick and Alice Cooper in supporting roles.

Tune in for the third episode of 2 Cents Critic Merry Month, where the show is covering holiday media throughout December! This week, Mama D (Petals of Support) joins the podcast to discuss National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, the 1989 Christmas movie that's full of Italian twinkle lights, vexed neighbors, and Clark Griswold's psychopathic tendencies. Talking points for this episode include the one part of this movie that makes Arthur physically cringe, Chevy Chase being a charismatic star onscreen despite his real-life assholery, and the challenges that parents undergo to make Christmas as smooth as possible for their families. Directed by Jeremiah S. Chechik, Christmas Vacation stars Chevy Chase, Beverly D'Angelo, Juliette Lewis, Johnny Galecki, John Randolph, Diane Ladd, E.G. Marshall, Doris Roberts, Randy Quaid, Miriam Flynn, Cody Burger, Ellen Hamilton Latzen, William Hickey, Mae Questel, Sam McMurray, Nicholas Guest, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Nicolette Scorsese, Brian Doyle-Murray, Natalija Nogulich, Keith MacKechnie, and Alexander Folk. Spoilers start at 21:45 Here's how you can learn more about Palestine and Israel: http://decolonizepalestine.com Here's how you can act to help stop Israel's genocide of Palestine: http://linktr.ee/savegaza Here's how you can send eSIM cards to Palestinians in order to help them stay connected online: https://www.gazaesims.com Good Word: • Mama D: FX's What We Do in the Shadows • Arthur: Drive Be sure to subscribe, rate, and review on iTunes or any of your preferred podcasting platforms! Follow Arthur on Twitter, Goodpods, StoryGraph, Letterboxd, and TikTok: @arthur_ant18 Follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram: @two_centscritic Follow Arthur on Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/144101970-arthur-howellReach out at email2centscritic@yahoo.com if you want to recommend things to watch and read, share anecdotes, or just say hello! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arthur746/message

Plan on watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation this holiday season? Listen to the film's director Jeremiah Chechik talk about the impact that movie has had on him and on our holiday entertainment traditions. He'll talk about the making of the film and why the Griswold Family have become a staple in holiday viewing. This episode was originally released on December 2, 2019. https://traffic.libsyn.com/forcedn/shapingopinion/323_-_Encore_-_Christmas_Vacation_Movie.mp3 Are there any movies you just have to watch every year during the holiday season? Maybe you like to watch Frank Capra's classic called It's a Wonderful Life that featured Jimmy Stewart. Or, perhaps your favorite move is one of the Home Alone films, written of course by John Hughes. Or, just maybe your holiday season wouldn't be complete without inviting Clark Griswold and family into your home. It's been 30 years since John Hughes wrote the script for National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, which itself was the third sequel in a series of National Lampoon Vacation films, starring Chevy Chase. The film was based on a short story that John Hughes wrote for National Lampoon in December 1980. That story was called, “Christmas '59.” The movie was no small budget affair. And it featured an ensemble cast of already established actors, and a few who would become A-list Hollywood stars. In addition to Chevy Chase, Beverly D'Angelo played Clark's wife Ellen. Juliette Lewis played their sarcastic teenage daughter. Johnny Galecki played their son, Russ. Randy Quaid delivered an unforgettable performance as Cousin Eddie, and he was joined by an all-star ensemble cast that included Miriam Flynn, who played his wife, and John Randolph, Diane Ladd, E.G. Marshall, Doris Roberts, who played the parents of Clark and Ellen. Other notable actors who made their mark on the film were William Hickey, Mae Questel, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Brian Doyle-Murray. Christmas Vacation debuted at number-2 at the box office, grossing nearly $12 million that opening weekend. It would top the box office charts three weeks later, eventually grossing over $71 million in the United States. And that was before it hit the home video market and landed its place on our list of holiday season traditions. For Jeremiah Chechik, it was his first chance to direct a full-length feature film, and a comedy. Links National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, IMDB Jeremiah Chechik An Oral History of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, Rolling Stone Christmas Vacation Movie Facts, Good Housekeeping About this Episode's Guest Jeremiah Chechik Jeremiah Chechik was born in Montreal, Canada in the fifties and grew up surrounded by books, home made radios and every issue of Popular Mechanics and Popular Science. He got himself a scholarship to McGill University in physics but at the last moment shifted his major to the arts. He was active in the anti-war movement and filmed documentaries on the Black Panthers. He directed plays, studied with John Grierson, the father of the documentary film and later became his assistant. After graduating, he moved to Toronto, worked as a master printmaker for the rare books library at University of Toronto, experimented with coupling the photographic processes to stone lithography and helped start a gallery (A-Space). He received Canada Council Grants, had many solo shows and became one of the first artists to work in laser holography. His success as a fine artist brought him to the attention of advertising agencies and fashion magazines and before long he moved to Milan and began a career as a fashion photographer for Italian Vogue. Jeremiah photographed editorial for Vogue and Harpers Bazaar as well as fashion and beauty campaigns worldwide eventually bringing him back to Canada to begin his evolution into film as he continued to work in photography but without exhibiting. Soon he moved to New York and began a meteoric ris...

RMR 0242: Special Guest, Mark from the Mastering McConaughey Podcast, joins your hosts Dustin Melbardis and Russell Guest for the Retro Movie Roundtable as they revisit Scrooged (1988) [PG-13] Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance, Holiday Starring:  Bill Murray, Karen Allen, John Forsythe, John Glover, Bobcat Goldthwait, David Johansen, Carol Kane, Robert Mitchum, Nicholas Phillips, Michael J. Pollard, Alfre Woodard, Mabel King, John Murray, Jamie Farr, Robert Goulet, Buddy Hackett, John Houseman, Lee Majors, Pat McCormick, Brian Doyle-Murray, Mary Lou Retton   Director: Richard Donner Recorded on 2023-11-16

RMR 0227: Special Guest, Kevin Gootee of the Gutting the Sacred Cow Podcast joins your hosts Chad Robinson and Russell Guest for the Retro Movie Roundtable as they revisit Caddyshack (1980) [PG-13] Genre: Comedy, Sports Starring: Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, Ted Knight, Michael O'Keefe, Bill Murray, Sarah Holcomb, Scott Colomby, Cindy Morgan, Dan Resin, Henry Wilcoxon, Elaine Aiken, Albert Salmi, Ann Ryerson, Brian Doyle-Murray, Hamilton Mitchell, Peter Berkrot, John F. Barmon Jr., Lois Kibbee, Brian McConnachie, Scott Powell, Ann Crilley, Cordis Heard, Scott Sudden, Jackie Davis, Thomas A. Carlin, Minerva Scelza, Kenneth Burritt, Rebecca Burritt, Barbara Keegan, Scott Jackson, Ron Frank, Patricia Wilcox, Debi Frank, Tony Gulliver   Director: Harold Ramis Recorded on 2023-08-04

We are sitting down with Kendra, and she is doing his 104 SNL Characters tournament. Check out this episode for who she thinks is the best SNL Character. If you want to do your tournament, please contact us, and we will set it up. Sarah Silverman (1993-1994) Bobby Moynihan (2008-Now) George Coe (1975-1976) Gary Kroeger (1982-1985) Brian Doyle-Murray (1979-1982) John Belushi (1975-1979) Chris Kattan (1996-2003) Eddie Murphy (1980 -1984) Cheri Oteri (1995-2000) Tina Fey (2000-2006) Joan Cusack (1985-1986) Mike Myers (1989-1995) Melissa Villaseñor (2016-present) Dan Aykroyd (1975-1979) Alex Moffat (2016-present) Bill Murray (1977-1980) Mikey Day (2016-present) Phil Hartman (1986-1994) Jon Rudnitsky (2015-2016) Amy Poehler (2001 - 2008) Aidy Bryant (2012-present) Gilda Radner (1975 - 1980) Pete Davidson (2014-present) Chevy Chase (1975-1977) Sasheer Zamata (2014-present) Dana Carvey (1986-1993) John Milhiser (2013-2014) Will Ferrell (1995-2002) Colin Jost (2014-present) Bill Hader (2005-2013) Leslie Jones (2014-present) Kristen Wiig (2005-2012) Kyle Mooney (2013-present) Chris Farley (1990 - 1995) Mike O'Brien (2013-2014) Rachel Dratch (1999-2006) Michael Che (2014-present) Adam Sandler (1990-1995) Tim Robinson (2012-2013) Maya Rudolph (2000-2007) Beck Bennett (2013-present) Jon Lovitz (1985-1990) Noël Wells (2013-2014) Al Franken (1975-1995) Abby Elliott (2008-2012) Chris Rock (1990-1993) A. Whitney Brown (1986-1991) Andy Samberg (2005-2012) Harry Shearer (1979 - 1985) Fred Armisen (2002-2013) Michael McKean (1994-1995) Laraine Newman (1975-1980) Julia Sweeney (1990 - 1994 Jason Sudeikis (2005-2013) Jenny Slate (2009-2010) Jan Hooks (1986-1991) Gail Matthius (1980 - 1981) David Spade (1990-1996) Brooks Wheelan (2013-2014) Seth Meyers (2001-2014) Jim Belushi (1983-1985) Martin Short (1984-1985) Casey Wilson (2008-2009) Billy Crystal (1984-1985) Rich Hall (1984-1985) Christopher Guest (1984-1985) Ellen Cleghorne (1991-1995) Tim Kazurinsky (1981-1984) Michaela Watkins (2008-2009) Ana Gasteyer (1996-2002) Brad Hall (1982-1984) Dennis Miller ( 1985-1991) Joe Piscopo (1980-1984) Chris Parnell (1998-2006) Mary Gross (1981-1985) Jimmy Fallon (1998 - 2004) Terry Sweeney (1985-1986) Kate McKinnon (2012-2021) Tom Davis (1977-1980) Don Pardo (1975-2014) Beth Cahill (1991-1992) Cecily Strong (2012-2021) Garrett Morris (1975-1980) Molly Shannon (1995-2001) Nora Dunn (1985-1990) Taran Killam (2010-Now) Kevin Nealon (1986-1995) Don Novello (1978-1986) Horatio Sanz (1998-2006) Vanessa Bayer (2010 - Now) Denny Dillon (1980-1981) Rob Schneider ( 1990 - 1994) Paul Shaffer (1975-1980) Julia Louis-Dreyfus (1982 - 1985) Jay Pharoah (2010 - Now) Kenan Thompson (2003-now) Lorne Michaels (1975-now) Jane Curtin (1975-1980) Tracy Morgan (1996-2003) Tim Meadows (1991-2000) Will Forte (2002 - 2010) Darrell Hammond (1995-2009) Pamela Stephenson (1984-1985) Nasim Pedrad (2009-2014) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mass-debaters/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mass-debaters/support

Brian Pollack talked to me about his love for The Honeymooners and it's writer Leonard Stern; getting the job and working with Stern on Sledge Hammer!; writers on the picket line look so young; holding cue cards; working on the Horror Hall of Fame in 1974; writing for The Jim Nabors Show and Hollywood Squares at the same time; George Gobel; Rose Marie and Debbie Reynolds; subbing as Cher's cue card guy; "surprising" Paul Lynde for a TV show and finding him dead; Paul was hostile and anti-Semitic when drunk; not knowing Alexis' Smith's career when she did his Cheers; meeting Mert Rich; Phil Kellard gets fired from Hollywood Squares; Jeffersons stole his original pitch and then offered him another episode to write; writing for The Love Boat; favorite episodes of Sledge Hammer!; the cast; firing Jamie Foxx from Roc; getting the job on Cheers with the episode "Please Mr. Postman"; getting a congratulatory phone call from Sam Simon; guest star Admiral William J. Crowe; Rob Long & Dale Staley; favorite episodes; winning the Emmy for "The Days of Wine and Neurosis"; the Dead Emmy Section of the 30 Rock Post Office; seeing gues stars in old movies and not realizing their careers; meeting Hank Aaron at Hollywood Squares; Cheers season 11 was werid; Kirsite Alley asks for them back; their friendship; doing a Cheers sketch for Disney; going to the same psychiatrist as Rodney Dangerfield; being made to re-write Patrick Carlin's script for The George Carlin Show, drawing the ire of George; having to do a rewrite for a new writer on Sister, Sister and having the writer Xerox "her" great reviews; writing with Bob Iles; Sherman Hemsley; Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer; Charles Dutton rejects a Roc script; Roc goes lives; Charles Dutton wants them back; working with Brian Doyle-Murray; Dan Hedaya, Jay Thomas, and Rhea Perlman; Woody Harrelson; imdb mistakes; writing a Simpsons; Boat Trip; his odd array of neighbors

Well, it's Groundhog Day...again.  We're breaking down the last great Harold Ramis-Bill Murray collaboration. Also starring Andie McDowell, Chris Elliot, Brian Doyle-Murray and more, this is one of the best comedies (maybe one the best movies) of the 90s. It has a little bit everything and we cover it all.Following the movie discussion, we switch gears to draft of favorite TV of 1993. It was the end of the Cheers era and the takeoff of Seinfeld. Listen to see who got the best list.If you enjoy the show, please rate and review us on the iTunes/Apple Podcasts app or wherever you listen. Or better yet, tell a friend to listen!Want to support our show and become a PCY Classmate? Click here!Follow us on your preferred social media:TwitterFacebookInstagramSupport the show

Well, it's Groundhog Day...again.  We're breaking down the last great Harold Ramis-Bill Murray collaboration. Also starring Andie McDowell, Chris Elliot, Brian Doyle-Murray and more, this is one of the best comedies (maybe one the best movies) of the 90s. It has a little bit everything and we cover it all.Following the movie discussion, we switch gears to draft of favorite TV of 1993. It was the end of the Cheers era and the takeoff of Seinfeld. Listen to see who got the best list.If you enjoy the show, please rate and review us on the iTunes/Apple Podcasts app or wherever you listen. Or better yet, tell a friend to listen!Want to support our show and become a PCY Classmate? Click here!Follow us on your preferred social media:TwitterFacebookInstagramSupport the show

Lisa Mende joined me to discussed being asked but ot being able to be on the last Newhart; only being allowed to watch PBS but sneaking The 3 Stooges; always wanting to be an actress; being a child actress in Yiddish theatre; going to study acting at The University of Bridgeport; doing improv with husband Dom Irrera; different types of improv; stand-up being harder than Broadway or improv; the guerilla shooting of Hollywood Shuffle; co-starring in Scrooged as Bill Murray's mother; working with Richard Donner, Bill & Brian Doyle-Murray, and Jack Lemmon; guest starring in Hooperman with John Ritter; The Famous Teddy Z; His and Hers; John Paragon and her get the giggles shooting Honey, I Blew up the Kid; doing a double act with Michel Patrick King in Vegas, Florida comedy condos and The Merv Griffin Show; Dom Irrera writes and has tiny roles on SNL; the '70s/80's comedy community; playing Carol on Seinfeld; her audition; people asking her to say "You have to see the baby"; being on Cameo; shrinkage; The English Patient episode; guesting on Sex and the City; doing Nothing to Lose; co-starring in Rodney Dangerfield's last film;

This week watch a movie with the great Michael Keaton, the excellent Michael Keaton, the awesome Michael Keaton, and the mediocre Michael Keaton. We watched Multiplicity, how does he afford any of this? How does Multiplicity hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Matthew and Nur Directed by Harold Ramis Starring: Michael Keaton, Andie MacDowell, Harris Yulin, Richard Masur, Eugene Levy, Ann Cusack, John de Lancie, Brian Doyle-Murray

This week watch a movie with the great Michael Keaton, the excellent Michael Keaton, the awesome Michael Keaton, and the mediocre Michael Keaton. We watched Multiplicity, how does he afford any of this? How does Multiplicity hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Matthew and Nur Directed by Harold Ramis Starring: Michael Keaton, Andie MacDowell, Harris Yulin, Richard Masur, Eugene Levy, Ann Cusack, John de Lancie, Brian Doyle-Murray

RMR 0207: Special Guest, Matt Glidden, joins your hosts Chad Robinson and Dustin Melbardis for the Retro Movie Roundtable as they revisit Waiting for Guffman (1996) [R] Genre: Comedy, Mockumentary Starring: Christopher Guest, Eugene Levy, Fred Willard, Catherine O'Hara, Parker Posey, Lewis Arquette, Bob Balaban, Matt Keeslar, Brian Doyle-Murray, Michael Hitchcock, Larry Miller, David Cross, Linda Kash, Paul Benedict, Paul Dooley, Bob Odenkirk   Director: Christopher Guest Recorded on 2023-03-14

Live from the Plastic Microphone Studios, it's whatever night (or day) you're listening to this episode. We're talking about Skits. Not Digital Shorts. Not Music Videos. Just skits. Over 45 years of 'em. And joining me in the Plastic Microphones Studios today, in which she legally owns 50% of due to Louisiana being a community property state, is my wife Tina. She's a long-time listener and a first-time guest. She's finally broken down, made a list, and checked it twice. And it's a doozie. Join us for laughs and memories of Saturday Night LIVE. Links on our Profile Page and at www.linktr.ee/hulkboy. Visit & interact on Instagram (www.instagram.com/favefivefromfans), Twitter (www.twitter.com/Fave5FromFans), Facebook (www.facebook.com/FaveFiveFromFans), & our website (www.FaveFiveFromFans.com). Also, check out www.twitter.com/@PMStudiosPod for more fun! @NetworkSIP #FaveFiveFromFans #FFFF #podcast #podcasts #podcasting #podcastlife #podcaster #podcasters #podcastshow #podcastersofinstagram #anchorfm #spotify #spotifypodcasts #itunes #applepodcasts #youtube #googlepodcasts #overcast #stitcher #stitcherpodcasts #castbox #castboxpodcasts #PodcastSuggestions #podcastinglife #podcastaddict #newpodcast #podcastlove #podcastmovement #podcasthost #podcastnetwork #podernfamily #bhfyp #Movie #Movies #Comedy #EveryoneIsFam #SIPNetwork  #PodernFamily #PodcastNation #PodcastNetwork #PodcastRecommendations #FollowBack #CrowdsourcedPodcastDatabase #PodTime #Fred Armisen, #Dan Aykroyd, #Jim Belushi, #John Belushi, #Jim Breuer, #A. Whitney Brown, #Dana Carvey, #Chevy Chase, #Michael Che, #Ellen Cleghorne, #Billy Crystal, #Jane Curtin, #Joan Cusack, #Pete Davidson, #Robert Downey Jr., #Brian Doyle-Murray, #Rachel Dratch, #Nora Dunn, #Chris Elliott, #Jimmy Fallon, #Chris Farley, #Will Ferrell, #Tina Fey, #Chloe Fineman, #Will Forte, #Al Franken, #Janeane Garofalo, #Ana Gasteyer, #Gilbert Gottfried, #Christopher Guest, #Bill Hader, #Anthony Michael Hall, #Darrell Hammond, #Phil Hartman, #Jan Hooks, #Leslie Jones, #Colin Jost, #Chris Kattan, #Julia Louis-Dreyfus, #Jon Lovitz, #Norm Macdonald, #Michael McKean, #Mark McKinney, #Kate McKinnon, #Tim Meadows, #Laurie Metcalf, #Seth Meyers, #Dennis Miller, #Finesse Mitchell, #Jay Mohr, #Tracy Morgan, #Garrett Morris, #Bobby Moynihan, #Eddie Murphy, #Bill Murray, #Mike Myers, #Kevin Nealon, #Laraine Newman, #Cheri Oteri, #Chris Parnell, #Nasim Pedrad, #Jay Pharoah, #Joe Piscopo, #Amy Poehler, #Randy Quaid, #Colin Quinn, #Gilda Radner, #Rob Riggle, #Chris Rock, #Maya Rudolph, #Andy Samberg, #Adam Sandler, #Horatio Sanz, #Rob Schneider, #Paul Shaffer, #Molly Shannon, #Harry Shearer, #Martin Short, #Sarah Silverman, #Robert Smigel, #David Spade, #Ben Stiller, #Cecily Strong, #Jason Sudeikis, #Julia Sweeney, #Kenan Thompson, #Damon Wayans, #Patrick Weathers, #Kristen Wiig --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/fave-five-from-fans/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/fave-five-from-fans/support

Patrick Weathers joined me (while watching the December 20, 1980 episode of SNL) to discuss moving up to NY in 1979; working at Studio 54; writing a book about Studio 54 but his agent thinks a TV job is more secure; cold calling Audrey Peart Dickman; his impressions; doing practice sketches; getting his friend David Sheffield to submit; he and David getting hired; meeting Eddie Murphy; Joe Piscopo; Don Pardo; cast and featured players opening montage pictures taken same day; Bruce Willis; David Carradine not drunk or nervous, he saw hosting as highlight of his career; Malcolm McDowell; Malcolm and Patrick sent milk at a bar; Commie Hunting Season most objectional bit in SNL history; pranking writers Arnstein & Hurvitz with Omar Dykes of Omar and the Howlers; Omar brought in as "new talent" to meet Jean Doumanian; Patrick remembers his first speaking role as a door-to-door sniper from episode 3; head writer Mason Williams; seeing the lack of an Arlo Guthrie sketch at read through; James Austin Johnson's Dylans; portraying Dylan, Elvis and more in the Broadway show, "Rock 'n' Roll, the First 5000 Years"; Dylan seeing his Dylan and approving; we watch the Dylan & Guthrie sketch; recalling riffing on Dylan and Guthrie with David Sheffield and Brian Doyle-Murray after read through; Charlene Tilton; 3 Kung Fu sketches; going to Mad TV with David Carradine and afterwards people in a bar trying to fight him, Will Sasso, and David Carradine thinking he was Kain; going to John Lennon's psychic's house in the Dakota 5 days after his death; the psychic, Malene Weiner, telling him to keep John's guitar; his Beatles parody band The Deplorables (in which he plays all instruments); Prince and Aretha Franklin as musical guests; Robert Hays and Sally Kellerman as hosts; his now controversial Ravi Shankar expression; the high note that caused his eyes to bug out; Ray Sharkey; Babes in Thailand; Bill Murray hosts; Jean gets fired, Ebersol fires Patrick, Matthew Laurence and Yvonne Hudson together; getting hired but not appearing on The New Show; working at National Lampoon from 1985 to 1987; Woody Allen cast him and Ann Risley for SNL; Paul Reubens chokes his audition; Leslie Fuller; almost playing Captain Carl on Pee Wee's Playhouse; Terry Sweeney

This week, we talk about the 1980s Marvel Cinematic Universe that could have been, and eventually was. ----more---- TRANSCRIPT From Los Angeles, California, the Entertainment Capital of the World, it's The 80s Movies Podcast. I am your host, Edward Havens. Thank you for listening today.   The Marvel Cinematic Universe is the undisputed king of intellectual property in the entertainment industry. As of February 9th, 2023, the day I record this episode, there have been thirty full length motion pictures part of the MCU in the past fifteen years, with a combined global ticket sales of $28 billion, as well as twenty television shows that have been seen by hundreds of millions of people worldwide. It is a entertainment juggernaut that does not appear to be going away anytime soon.   This comes as a total shock to many of us who grew up in the 1970s and 1980s, who were witness of cheaply produced television shows featuring hokey special effects and a roster of has-beens and never weres in the cast. Superman was the king of superheroes at the movies, in large part because, believe it or not, there hadn't even been a movie based on a Marvel Comics character released into theatres until the summer of 1986. But not for lack of trying.   And that's what we're going to talk about today. A brief history of the Marvel Cinematic Universe in the 1980s.       But first, as always, some backstory.   Now, I am not approaching this as a comic fan. When I was growing up in the 80s, I collected comics, but my collection was limited to Marvel's Star Wars series, Marvel's ROM The SpaceKnight, and Marvel's two-issue Blade Runner comic adaptation in 1982. So I apologize to Marvel comics fans if I relay some of this information incorrectly. I have tried to do my due diligence when it comes to my research.   Marvel Comics got its start as Timely Comics back in 1939. On August 31, 1939, Timely would release its first comic, titled Marvel Comics, which would feature a number of short stories featuring versions of characters that would become long-running staples of the eventual publishing house that would bear the comic's name, including The Angel, a version of The Human Torch who was actually an android hero, and Namor the Submariner, who was originally created for a unpublished comic that was supposed to be given to kids when they attended their local movie theatre during a Saturday matinee.   That comic issue would quickly sell out its initial 80,000 print run, as well as its second run, which would put another 800,000 copies out to the marketplace. The Vision would be another character introduced on the pages of Marvel Comics, in November 1940.   In December 1940, Timely would introduce their next big character, Captain America, who would find instant success thanks to its front cover depicting Cap punching Adolph Hitler square in the jaw, proving that Americans have loved seeing Nazis get punched in the face even a year before our country entered the World War II conflict. But there would be other popular characters created during this timeframe, including Black Widow, The Falcon, and The Invisible Man.   In 1941, Timely Comics would lose two of its best collaborators, artists Joe Simon and Jack Kirby, to rival company Detective Comics, and Timely owner Martin Goodman would promote one of his cousins, by marriage to his wife Jean no less, to become the interim editor of Timely Comics. A nineteen year old kid named Stanley Lieber, who would shorten his name to Stan Lee.   In 1951, Timely Comics would be rebranded at Atlas Comics, and would expand past superhero titles to include tales of crime, drama, espionage, horror, science fiction, war, western, and even romance comics.   Eventually, in 1961, Atlas Comics would rebrand once again as Marvel Comics, and would find great success by changing the focus of their stories from being aimed towards younger readers and towards a more sophisticated audience. It would be November 1961 when Marvel would introduce their first superhero team, The Fantastic Four, as well as a number of their most beloved characters including Black Panther, Carol Danvers, Iron Man, The Scarlet Witch, Spider-Man, and Thor, as well as Professor X and many of the X-Men.   And as would be expected, Hollywood would come knocking. Warner Brothers would be in the best position to make comic book movies, as both they and DC Comics were owned by the same company beginning in 1969. But for Marvel, they would not be able to enjoy that kind of symbiotic relationship. Regularly strapped for cash, Stan Lee would often sell movie and television rights to a variety of Marvel characters to whomever came calling. First, Marvel would team with a variety of producers to create a series of animated television shows, starting with The Marvel Super Heroes in 1966, two different series based on The Fantastic Four, and both Spider-Man and Spider-Woman series.   But movies were a different matter.   The rights to make a Spider-Man television show, for example, was sold off to a production company called Danchuck, who teamed with CBS-TV to start airing the show in September of 1977, but Danchuck was able to find a loophole in their contract  that allowed them to release the two-hour pilot episode as a movie outside of the United States, which complicated the movie rights Marvel had already sold to another company.   Because the “movie” was a success around the world, CBS and Danchuck would release two more Spider-Man “movies” in 1978 and 1981. Eventually, the company that owned the Spider-Man movie rights to sell them to another company in the early 1980s, the legendary independent B-movie production company and distributor, New World Pictures, founded and operated by the legendary independent B-movie producer and director Roger Corman. But shortly after Corman acquired the film rights to Spider-Man, he went and almost immediately sold them to another legendary independent B-movie production company and distributor, Cannon Films.   Side note: Shortly after Corman sold the movie rights to Spider-Man to Cannon, Marvel Entertainment was sold to the company that also owned New World Pictures, although Corman himself had nothing to do with the deal itself. The owners of New World were hoping to merge the Marvel comic book characters with the studio's television and motion picture department, to create a sort of shared universe. But since so many of the better known characters like Spider-Man and Captain America had their movie and television rights sold off to the competition, it didn't seem like that was going to happen anytime soon, but again, I'm getting ahead of myself.   So for now, we're going to settle on May 1st, 1985. Cannon Films, who loved to spend money to make money, made a big statement in the pages of the industry trade publication Variety, when they bought nine full pages of advertising in the Cannes Market preview issue to announce that buyers around the world needed to get ready, because he was coming.   Spider-Man.   A live-action motion picture event, to be directed by Tobe Hooper, whose last movie, Poltergeist, re-ignited his directing career, that would be arriving in theatres for Christmas 1986. Cannon had made a name for themselves making cheapie teen comedies in their native Israel in the 1970s, and then brought that formula to America with films like The Last American Virgin, a remake of the first Lemon Popsicle movie that made them a success back home. Cannon would swerve into cheapie action movies with fallen stars like Lee Marvin and Charles Bronson, and would prop up a new action star in Chuck Norris, as well as cheapie trend-chasing movies like Breakin' and Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo. They had seen enough success in America where they could start spending even bigger, and Spider-Man was supposed to be their first big splash into the superhero movie genre. With that, they would hire Leslie Stevens, the creator of the cult TV series The Outer Limits, to write the screenplay.   There was just one small problem.   Neither Stevens nor Cannon head honcho Menachem Golan understood the Spider-Man character.   Golan thought Spider-Man was a half-spider/half-man creature, not unlike The Wolf Man, and instructed Stevens to follow that concept. Stevens' script would not really borrow from any of the comics' twenty plus year history. Peter Parker, who in this story is a twenty-something ID photographer for a corporation that probably would have been Oscorp if it were written by anyone else who had at least some familiarity with the comics, who becomes intentionally bombarded with gamma radiation by one of the scientists in one of the laboratories, turning Bruce Banner… I mean, Peter Parker, into a hairy eight-armed… yes, eight armed… hybrid human/spider monster. At first suicidal, Bruce… I mean, Peter, refuses to join forces with the scientist's other master race of mutants, forcing Peter to battle these other mutants in a basement lab to the death.   To say Stan Lee hated it would be an understatement.   Lee schooled Golan and Golan's partner at Cannon, cousin Yoram Globus, on what Spider-Man was supposed to be, demanded a new screenplay. Wanting to keep the head of Marvel Comics happy, because they had big plans not only for Spider-Man but a number of other Marvel characters, they would hire the screenwriting team of Ted Newsom and John Brancato, who had written a screenplay adaptation for Lee of Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos, to come up with a new script for Spider-Man.   Newsom and Brancato would write an origin story, featuring a teenage Peter Parker who must deal with his newfound powers while trying to maintain a regular high school existence, while going up against an evil scientist, Otto Octavius. But we'll come back to that later.   In that same May 1985 issue of Variety, amongst dozens of pages of ads for movies both completed and in development, including three other movies from Tobe Hooper, was a one-page ad for Captain America. No director or actor was attached to the project yet, but comic book writer James L. Silke, who had written the scripts for four other Cannon movies in the previous two years, was listed as the screenwriter.   By October 1985, Cannon was again trying to pre-sell foreign rights to make a Spider-Man movie, this time at the MIFED Film Market in Milan, Italy. Gone were Leslie Stevens and Tobe Hooper. Newsom and Brancato were the new credited writers, and Joseph Tito, the director of the Chuck Norris/Cannon movies Missing in Action and Invasion U.S.A., was the new director. In a two-page ad for Captain America, the film would acquire a new director in Michael Winner, the director of the first three Death Wish movies.   And the pattern would continue every few months, from Cannes to MIFED to the American Film Market, and back to Cannes. A new writer would be attached. A new director. A new release date. By October 1987, after the twin failures of Superman IV: The Quest for Peace and Masters of the Universe, Cannon had all but given up on a Captain America movie, and downshifted the budget on their proposed Spider-Man movie. Albert Pyun, whose ability to make any movie in any genre look far better than its budget should have allowed, was brought in to be the director of Spider-Man, from a new script written by Shepard Goldman.   Who?   Shepard Goldman, whose one and only credit on any motion picture was as one of three screenwriters on the 1988 Cannon movie Salsa.   Don't remember Salsa? That's okay. Neither does anyone else.   But we'll talk a lot more about Cannon Films down the road, because there's a lot to talk about when it comes to Cannon Films, although I will leave you with two related tidbits…   Do you remember the 1989 Jean-Claude Van Damme film Cyborg? Post-apocalyptic cyberpunk martial-arts action film where JCVD and everyone else in the movie have names like Gibson Rickenbacker, Fender Tremolo, Marshall Strat and Pearl Prophet for no damn good reason? Stupid movie, lots of fun. Anyway, Albert Pyun was supposed to shoot two movies back to back for Cannon Films in 1988, a sequel to Masters of the Universe, and Spider-Man. To save money, both movies would use many of the same sets and costumes, and Cannon had spent more than $2m building the sets and costumes at the old Dino DeLaurentiis Studios in Wilmington, North Carolina, where David Lynch had shot Blue Velvet. But then Cannon ran into some cash flow issues, and lost the rights to both the He-Man toy line from Mattel and the Spider-Man characters they had licensed from Marvel. But ever the astute businessman, Cannon Films chairman Menahem Golan offered Pyun $500,000 to shoot any movie he wanted using the costumes and sets already created and paid for, provided Pyun could come up with a movie idea in a week. Pyun wrote the script to Cyborg in five days, and outside of some on-set alterations, that first draft would be the shooting script. The film would open in theatres in April 1989, and gross more than $10m in the United States alone.   A few months later, Golan would gone from Cannon Films. As part of his severance package, he would take one of the company's acquisitions, 21st Century Films, with him, as well as several projects, including Captain America. Albert Pyun never got to make his Spider-Man movie, but he would go into production on his Captain America in August 1989. But since the movie didn't get released in any form until it came out direct to video and cable in 1992, I'll leave it to podcasts devoted to 90s movies to tell you more about it. I've seen it. It's super easy to find on YouTube. It really sucks, although not as much as that 1994 version of The Fantastic Four that still hasn't been officially released nearly thirty years later.   There would also be attempts throughout the decade to make movies from the aforementioned Fantastic Four, the X-Men, Daredevil, the Incredible Hulk, Silver Surfer and Iron Man, from companies like New Line, 20th Century-Fox and Universal, but none of those would ever come to fruition in the 1980s.   But the one that would stick?   Of the more than 1,000 characters that had been featured in the pages of Marvel Comics over the course of forty years?   The one that would become the star of the first ever theatrically released motion picture based on a Marvel character?   Howard the Duck.   Howard the Duck was not your average Marvel superhero.   Howard the Duck wasn't even a superhero.   He was just some wise crackin', ill-tempered, anthropomorphic water fowl that was abducted away from his home on Duckworld and forced against his will to live with humans on Earth. Or, more specifically, first with the dirty humans of the Florida Everglades, and then Cleveland, and finally New York City.    Howard the Duck was metafiction and existentialist when neither of these things were in the zeitgeist. He smoked cigars, wore a suit and tie, and enjoy drinking a variety of libations and getting it on with the women, mostly his sometimes girlfriend Beverly.   The perfect character to be the subject of the very first Marvel movie.   A PG-rated movie.   Enter George Lucas.   In 1973, George Lucas had hit it big with his second film as a director, American Graffiti. Lucas had written the screenplay, based in part on his life as an eighteen year old car enthusiast about to graduate high school, with the help of a friend from his days at USC Film School, Willard Huyck, and Huyck's wife, Gloria Katz. Lucas wanted to show his appreciation for their help by producing a movie for them. Although there are variations to the story of how this came about, most sources say it was Huyck who would tell Lucas about this new comic book character, Howard the Duck, who piqued his classmate's interest by describing the comic as having elements of film noir and absurdism.   Because Universal dragged their feet on American Graffiti, not promoting it as well as they could have upon its initial release and only embracing the film when the public embraced its retro soundtrack, Lucas was not too keen on working with Universal again on his next project, a sci-fi movie he was calling The Journal of the Whills. And while they saw some potential in what they considered to be some minor kiddie movie, they didn't think Lucas could pull it off the way he was describing it for the budget he was asking for.   “What else you got, kid?” they'd ask.   Lucas had Huyck and Katz, and an idea for a live-action comic book movie about a talking duck.   Surprisingly, Universal did not slam the door shut in Lucas's face. They actually went for the idea, and worked with Lucas, Stan Lee of Marvel Comics and Howard's creator, Steve Gerber, to put a deal together to make it happen.   Almost right away, Gerber and the screenwriters, Huyck and Katz, would butt heads on practically every aspect of the movie's storyline. Katz just thought it was some funny story about a duck from outer space and his wacky adventures on Earth, Gerber was adamant that Howard the Duck was an existential joke, that the difference between life's most serious moments and its most incredibly dumb moments were only distinguishable by a moment's point of view. Huyck wanted to make a big special effects movie, while Katz thought it would be fun to set the story in Hawaii so she and her husband could have some fun while shooting there. The writers would spend years on their script, removing most everything that made the Howard the Duck comic book so enjoyable to its readers. Howard and his story would be played completely straight in the movie, leaning on subtle gags not unlike a Zucker/Abrahams/Zucker movie, instead of embracing the surreal ridiculousness of the comics. They would write humongous effects-heavy set pieces, knowing they would have access to their producer's in-house special effects team, Industrial Light and Magic, instead of the comics' more cerebral endings. And they'd tone down the more risqué aspects of Howard's personality, figuring a more family-friendly movie would bring in more money at the box office.   It would take nearly twelve years for all the pieces to fall into place for Howard the Duck to begin filming. But in the spring of 1985, Universal finally gave the green light for Lucas and his tea to finally make the first live-action feature film based on a Marvel Comics character.   For Beverly, the filmmakers claimed to have looked at every young actress in Hollywood before deciding on twenty-four year old Lea Thompson, who after years of supporting roles in movies like Jaws 3-D, All the Right Moves and Red Dawn, had found success playing Michael J. Fox's mother in Back to the Future. Twenty-six year old Tim Robbins had only made two movies up to this point, at one of the frat boys in Fraternity Vacation and as one of the fighter pilots in Top Gun, and this was his first chance to play a leading role in a major motion picture. And Jeffrey Jones would be cast as the bad guy, the Dark Overlord, based upon his work in the 1984 Best Picture winner Amadeus, although he would be coming to the set of Howard the Duck straight off of working on a John Hughes movie, Ferris Bueller's Day Off.   Howard the Duck would begin shooting on the Universal Studios lot of November 11th, 1985, and on the very first day of production, the duck puppet being used to film would have a major mechanical failure, not unlike the mechanical failure of the shark in Jaws that would force Steven Spielberg to become more creative with how he shot that character. George Lucas, who would be a hands-on producer, would suggest that maybe they could shoot other scenes not involving the duck, while his crew at ILM created a fully functional, life-sized animatronic duck costume for a little actor to wear on set. At first, the lead actor in the duck suit was a twelve-year old boy, but within days of his start on the film, he would develop a severe case of claustrophobia inside the costume. Ed Gale, originally hired to be the stuntman in the duck costume, would quickly take over the role. Since Gale could work longer hours than the child, due to the very restrictive laws surrounding child actors on movie and television sets, this would help keep the movie on a good production schedule, and make shooting the questionable love scenes between Howard and Beverly easier for Ms. Thompson, who was creeped out at the thought of seducing a pre-teen for a scene.   To keep the shoot on schedule, not only would the filmmakers employ a second shooting unit to shoot the scenes not involving the main actors, which is standard operating procedure on most movies, Lucas would supervise a third shooting unit that would shoot Robbins and Gale in one of the film's more climactic moments, when Howard and Phil are trying to escape being captured by the authorities by flying off on an ultralight plane. Most of this sequence would be shot in the town of Petaluma, California, on the same streets where Lucas had shot American Graffiti's iconic cruising scenes thirteen years earlier.   After a month-long shoot of the film's climax at a naval station in San Francisco, the film would end production on March 26th, 1986, leaving the $36m film barely four months to be put together in order to make its already set in stone August 1st, 1986, release date.   Being used to quick turnaround times, the effects teams working on the film would get all their shots completed with time to spare, not only because they were good at their jobs but they had the ability to start work before the film went into production. For the end sequence, when Jones' character had fully transformed into the Dark Overlord, master stop motion animator Phil Tippett, who had left ILM in 1984 to start his own effects studio specializing in that style of animation, had nearly a year to put together what would ultimately be less than two minutes of actual screen time.   As Beverly was a musician, Lucas would hire English musician and composer Thomas Dolby, whose 1982 single She Blinded Me With Science became a global smash hit, to write the songs for Cherry Bomb, the all-girl rock group lead by Lea Thompson's Beverly. Playing KC, the keyboardist for Cherry Bomb, Holly Robinson would book her first major acting role. For the music, Dolby would collaborate with Allee Willis, the co-writer of Earth Wind and Fire's September and Boogie Wonderland, and funk legend George Clinton. But despite this powerhouse musical trio, the songs for the band were not very good, and, with all due respect to Lea Thompson, not very well sung.   By August 1986, Universal Studios needed a hit. Despite winning the Academy Award for Best Picture in March with Sydney Pollack's Out of Africa, the first six films they released for the year were all disappointments at the box office and/or with the critics.    The Best of Times, a comedy featuring Robin Williams and Kurt Russell as two friends who try to recreate a high school football game which changed the direction of both their lives. Despite a script written by Ron Shelton, who would be nominated for an Oscar for his next screenplay, Bull Durham, and Robin Williams, the $12m film would gross less than $8m.    The Money Pit, a comedy with Tom Hanks and Shelley Long, would end up grossing $37m against a $10m budget, but the movie was so bad, its first appearance on DVD wouldn't come until 2011, and only as part of a Tom Hanks Comedy Favorites Collection along with The ‘Burbs and Dragnet.   Legend, a dark fantasy film directed by Ridley Scott and starring Tom Cruise, was supposed to be one of the biggest hits… of 1985. But Scott and the studio would fight over the film, with the director wanting them to release a two hour and five minute long version with a classical movie score by Jerry Goldsmith, while the studio eventually cut the film down an hour and twenty-nine minutes with a techno score by Tangerine Dream. Despite an amazing makeup job transforming Tim Curry into the Lord of Darkness as well as sumptuous costumes and cinematography, the $24.5m film would just miss recouping its production budget back in ticket sales.   Tom Cruise would become a superstar not three weeks later, when Paramount Pictures released Top Gun, directed by Ridley's little brother Tony Scott.   Sweet Liberty should have been a solid performer for the studio. Alan Alda, in his first movie since the end of MASH three years earlier, would write, direct and star in this comedy about a college history professor who must watch in disbelief as a Hollywood production comes to his small town to film the movie version of one of the books. The movie, which also starred Michael Caine, Bob Hoskins, Michelle Pfieffer and screen legend Lillian Gish, would get lost in the shuffle of other comedies that were already playing in theatres like Ferris Bueller and Short Circuit.   Legal Eagles was the movie to beat for the summer of 1986… at least on paper. Ivan Reitman's follow-up film to Ghostbusters would feature a cast that included Robert Redford, Debra Winger and Daryl Hannah, along with Brian Denny, Terence Stamp, and Brian Doyle-Murray, and was perhaps too much movie, being a legal romantic comedy mystery crime thriller.   Phew.   If I were to do an episode about agency packaging in the 1980s, the process when a talent agency like Creative Artists Agency, or CAA, put two or more of their clients together in a project not because it might be best for the movie but best for the agency that will collect a 10% commission from each client attached to the project, Legal Eagles would be the example of packaging gone too far. Ivan Reitman was a client of CAA. As were Redford,  and Winger, and Hannah. As was Bill Murray, who was originally cast in the Redford role. As were Jim Cash and Jack Epps, the screenwriters for the film. As was Tom Mankewicz, the co-writer of Superman and three Bond films, who was brought in to rewrite the script when Murray left and Redford came in. As was Frank Price, the chairman of Universal Pictures when the project was put together. All told, CAA would book more than $1.5m in commissions for themselves from all their clients working on the film.   And it sucked.   Despite the fact that it had almost no special effects, Legal Eagles would cost $40m to produce, one of the most expensive movies ever made to that point, nearly one and a half times the cost of Ghostbusters. The film would gross nearly $50m in the US, which would make it only the 14th highest grossing film of the year. Less than Stand By Me. Less than The Color of Money. Less than Down and Out in Beverly Hills.   And then there was Psycho III, the Anthony Perkins-directed slasher film that brought good old Norman Bates out of mothballs once again. An almost direct follow-up to Psycho II from 1983, the film neither embraced by horror film fans or critics, the film would only open in eighth place, despite the fact there hadn't been a horror movie in theatres for months, and its $14m gross would kill off any chance for a Psycho IV in theatres.   In late June, Universal would hold a series of test screenings for Howard the Duck. Depending on who you talk to, the test screenings either went really well, or went so bad that one of the writers would tear up negative response cards before they could be given to the score compilers, to goose the numbers up, pun only somewhat intended. I tend to believe the latter story, as it was fairly well reported at the time that the test screenings went so bad, Sid Sheinberg, the CEO of Universal, and Frank Price, the President of the studio, got into a fist fight in the lobby of one of the theatres running one of the test screenings, over who was to blame for this impending debacle.   And a debacle it was.   But just how bad?   So bad, copywriters from across the nation reveled in giddy glee over the chances to have a headline that read “‘Howard the Duck' Lays an Egg!”   And it did.   Well, sort of.   When it opened in 1554 theatres on August 1st, the film would gross $5.07m, the second best opener of the weekend, behind the sixth Friday the 13th entry, and above other new movies like the Tom Hanks/Jackie Gleason dramedy Nothing in Common and the cult film in the making Flight of the Navigator. And $5m in 1986 was a fairly decent if unspectacular opening weekend gross. The Fly was considered a massive success when it opened to $7m just two weeks later. Short Circuit, which had opened to $5.3m in May, was also lauded as being a hit right out of the gate.   And the reviews were pretty lousy. Gene Siskel gave the film only one star, calling it a stupid film with an unlikeable lead in the duck and special effects that were less impressive than a sparkler shoved into a birthday cake. Both Siskel and Ebert would give it the dreaded two thumbs down on their show. Leonard Maltin called the film hopeless. Today, the film only has a 14% rating on Rotten Tomatoes with 81 reviews.   But despite the shellacking the film took, it wouldn't be all bad for several of the people involved in the making of the film.   Lea Thompson was so worried her career might be over after the opening weekend of the film, she accepted a role in the John Hughes movie Some Kind of Wonderful that she had turned down multiple times before. As I stated in our March 2021 episode about that movie, it's my favorite of all John Hughes movies, and it would lead to a happy ending for Thompson as well. Although the film was not a massive success, Thompson and the film's director, Howard Deutch, would fall in love during the making of the film. They would marry in 1989, have two daughters together, and as of the writing of this episode, they are still happily married.   For Tim Robbins, it showed filmmakers that he could handle a leading role in a movie. Within two years, he would be starring alongside Kevin Costner and Susan Sarandon in Bull Durham, and he career would soar for the next three decades.   And for Ed Gale, his being able to act while in a full-body duck suit would lead him to be cast to play Chucky in the first two Child's Play movies as well as Bride of Chucky.   Years later, Entertainment Weekly would name Howard the Duck as the biggest pop culture failure of all time, ahead of such turkeys as NBC's wonderfully ridiculous 1979 show Supertrain, the infamous 1980 Western Heaven's Gate, Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman's Ishtar, and the truly wretched 1978 Bee Gees movie Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.   But Howard the Duck, the character, not the movie, would enjoy a renaissance in 2014, when James Gunn included a CG-animated version of the character in the post-credit sequence for Guardians of the Galaxy. The character would show up again in the Disney animated Guardians television series, and in the 2021 Disney+ anthology series Marvel's What If…   There technically would be one other 1980s movie based on a Marvel character, Mark Goldblatt's version of The Punisher, featuring Dolph Lundgren as Frank Castle. Shot in Australia in 1988, the film was supposed to be released by New World Pictures in August of 1989. The company even sent out trailers to theatres that summer to help build awareness for the film, but New World's continued financial issues would put the film on hold until April 1991, when it was released directly to video by Live Entertainment.   It wouldn't be until the 1998 release of Blade, featuring Wesley Snipes as the titular vampire, that movies based on Marvel Comics characters would finally be accepted by movie-going audiences. That would soon be followed by Bryan Singer's X-Men in 2000, and Sam Raimi's Spider-Man in 2002, the success of both prompting Marvel to start putting together the team that would eventually give birth to the Marvel Cinematic Universe we all know and love today.   Thank you for joining us. We'll talk again soon, when Episode 102, the first of two episodes about the 1980s distribution company Vestron Pictures, is released.   Remember to visit this episode's page on our website, The80sMoviePodcast.com, for extra materials about Howard the Duck, and the other movies, both existing and non-existent, we covered this episode.   The 80s Movies Podcast has been researched, written, narrated and edited by Edward Havens for Idiosyncratic Entertainment.   Thank you again.   Good night.

This week, we talk about the 1980s Marvel Cinematic Universe that could have been, and eventually was. ----more---- TRANSCRIPT From Los Angeles, California, the Entertainment Capital of the World, it's The 80s Movies Podcast. I am your host, Edward Havens. Thank you for listening today.   The Marvel Cinematic Universe is the undisputed king of intellectual property in the entertainment industry. As of February 9th, 2023, the day I record this episode, there have been thirty full length motion pictures part of the MCU in the past fifteen years, with a combined global ticket sales of $28 billion, as well as twenty television shows that have been seen by hundreds of millions of people worldwide. It is a entertainment juggernaut that does not appear to be going away anytime soon.   This comes as a total shock to many of us who grew up in the 1970s and 1980s, who were witness of cheaply produced television shows featuring hokey special effects and a roster of has-beens and never weres in the cast. Superman was the king of superheroes at the movies, in large part because, believe it or not, there hadn't even been a movie based on a Marvel Comics character released into theatres until the summer of 1986. But not for lack of trying.   And that's what we're going to talk about today. A brief history of the Marvel Cinematic Universe in the 1980s.       But first, as always, some backstory.   Now, I am not approaching this as a comic fan. When I was growing up in the 80s, I collected comics, but my collection was limited to Marvel's Star Wars series, Marvel's ROM The SpaceKnight, and Marvel's two-issue Blade Runner comic adaptation in 1982. So I apologize to Marvel comics fans if I relay some of this information incorrectly. I have tried to do my due diligence when it comes to my research.   Marvel Comics got its start as Timely Comics back in 1939. On August 31, 1939, Timely would release its first comic, titled Marvel Comics, which would feature a number of short stories featuring versions of characters that would become long-running staples of the eventual publishing house that would bear the comic's name, including The Angel, a version of The Human Torch who was actually an android hero, and Namor the Submariner, who was originally created for a unpublished comic that was supposed to be given to kids when they attended their local movie theatre during a Saturday matinee.   That comic issue would quickly sell out its initial 80,000 print run, as well as its second run, which would put another 800,000 copies out to the marketplace. The Vision would be another character introduced on the pages of Marvel Comics, in November 1940.   In December 1940, Timely would introduce their next big character, Captain America, who would find instant success thanks to its front cover depicting Cap punching Adolph Hitler square in the jaw, proving that Americans have loved seeing Nazis get punched in the face even a year before our country entered the World War II conflict. But there would be other popular characters created during this timeframe, including Black Widow, The Falcon, and The Invisible Man.   In 1941, Timely Comics would lose two of its best collaborators, artists Joe Simon and Jack Kirby, to rival company Detective Comics, and Timely owner Martin Goodman would promote one of his cousins, by marriage to his wife Jean no less, to become the interim editor of Timely Comics. A nineteen year old kid named Stanley Lieber, who would shorten his name to Stan Lee.   In 1951, Timely Comics would be rebranded at Atlas Comics, and would expand past superhero titles to include tales of crime, drama, espionage, horror, science fiction, war, western, and even romance comics.   Eventually, in 1961, Atlas Comics would rebrand once again as Marvel Comics, and would find great success by changing the focus of their stories from being aimed towards younger readers and towards a more sophisticated audience. It would be November 1961 when Marvel would introduce their first superhero team, The Fantastic Four, as well as a number of their most beloved characters including Black Panther, Carol Danvers, Iron Man, The Scarlet Witch, Spider-Man, and Thor, as well as Professor X and many of the X-Men.   And as would be expected, Hollywood would come knocking. Warner Brothers would be in the best position to make comic book movies, as both they and DC Comics were owned by the same company beginning in 1969. But for Marvel, they would not be able to enjoy that kind of symbiotic relationship. Regularly strapped for cash, Stan Lee would often sell movie and television rights to a variety of Marvel characters to whomever came calling. First, Marvel would team with a variety of producers to create a series of animated television shows, starting with The Marvel Super Heroes in 1966, two different series based on The Fantastic Four, and both Spider-Man and Spider-Woman series.   But movies were a different matter.   The rights to make a Spider-Man television show, for example, was sold off to a production company called Danchuck, who teamed with CBS-TV to start airing the show in September of 1977, but Danchuck was able to find a loophole in their contract  that allowed them to release the two-hour pilot episode as a movie outside of the United States, which complicated the movie rights Marvel had already sold to another company.   Because the “movie” was a success around the world, CBS and Danchuck would release two more Spider-Man “movies” in 1978 and 1981. Eventually, the company that owned the Spider-Man movie rights to sell them to another company in the early 1980s, the legendary independent B-movie production company and distributor, New World Pictures, founded and operated by the legendary independent B-movie producer and director Roger Corman. But shortly after Corman acquired the film rights to Spider-Man, he went and almost immediately sold them to another legendary independent B-movie production company and distributor, Cannon Films.   Side note: Shortly after Corman sold the movie rights to Spider-Man to Cannon, Marvel Entertainment was sold to the company that also owned New World Pictures, although Corman himself had nothing to do with the deal itself. The owners of New World were hoping to merge the Marvel comic book characters with the studio's television and motion picture department, to create a sort of shared universe. But since so many of the better known characters like Spider-Man and Captain America had their movie and television rights sold off to the competition, it didn't seem like that was going to happen anytime soon, but again, I'm getting ahead of myself.   So for now, we're going to settle on May 1st, 1985. Cannon Films, who loved to spend money to make money, made a big statement in the pages of the industry trade publication Variety, when they bought nine full pages of advertising in the Cannes Market preview issue to announce that buyers around the world needed to get ready, because he was coming.   Spider-Man.   A live-action motion picture event, to be directed by Tobe Hooper, whose last movie, Poltergeist, re-ignited his directing career, that would be arriving in theatres for Christmas 1986. Cannon had made a name for themselves making cheapie teen comedies in their native Israel in the 1970s, and then brought that formula to America with films like The Last American Virgin, a remake of the first Lemon Popsicle movie that made them a success back home. Cannon would swerve into cheapie action movies with fallen stars like Lee Marvin and Charles Bronson, and would prop up a new action star in Chuck Norris, as well as cheapie trend-chasing movies like Breakin' and Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo. They had seen enough success in America where they could start spending even bigger, and Spider-Man was supposed to be their first big splash into the superhero movie genre. With that, they would hire Leslie Stevens, the creator of the cult TV series The Outer Limits, to write the screenplay.   There was just one small problem.   Neither Stevens nor Cannon head honcho Menachem Golan understood the Spider-Man character.   Golan thought Spider-Man was a half-spider/half-man creature, not unlike The Wolf Man, and instructed Stevens to follow that concept. Stevens' script would not really borrow from any of the comics' twenty plus year history. Peter Parker, who in this story is a twenty-something ID photographer for a corporation that probably would have been Oscorp if it were written by anyone else who had at least some familiarity with the comics, who becomes intentionally bombarded with gamma radiation by one of the scientists in one of the laboratories, turning Bruce Banner… I mean, Peter Parker, into a hairy eight-armed… yes, eight armed… hybrid human/spider monster. At first suicidal, Bruce… I mean, Peter, refuses to join forces with the scientist's other master race of mutants, forcing Peter to battle these other mutants in a basement lab to the death.   To say Stan Lee hated it would be an understatement.   Lee schooled Golan and Golan's partner at Cannon, cousin Yoram Globus, on what Spider-Man was supposed to be, demanded a new screenplay. Wanting to keep the head of Marvel Comics happy, because they had big plans not only for Spider-Man but a number of other Marvel characters, they would hire the screenwriting team of Ted Newsom and John Brancato, who had written a screenplay adaptation for Lee of Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos, to come up with a new script for Spider-Man.   Newsom and Brancato would write an origin story, featuring a teenage Peter Parker who must deal with his newfound powers while trying to maintain a regular high school existence, while going up against an evil scientist, Otto Octavius. But we'll come back to that later.   In that same May 1985 issue of Variety, amongst dozens of pages of ads for movies both completed and in development, including three other movies from Tobe Hooper, was a one-page ad for Captain America. No director or actor was attached to the project yet, but comic book writer James L. Silke, who had written the scripts for four other Cannon movies in the previous two years, was listed as the screenwriter.   By October 1985, Cannon was again trying to pre-sell foreign rights to make a Spider-Man movie, this time at the MIFED Film Market in Milan, Italy. Gone were Leslie Stevens and Tobe Hooper. Newsom and Brancato were the new credited writers, and Joseph Tito, the director of the Chuck Norris/Cannon movies Missing in Action and Invasion U.S.A., was the new director. In a two-page ad for Captain America, the film would acquire a new director in Michael Winner, the director of the first three Death Wish movies.   And the pattern would continue every few months, from Cannes to MIFED to the American Film Market, and back to Cannes. A new writer would be attached. A new director. A new release date. By October 1987, after the twin failures of Superman IV: The Quest for Peace and Masters of the Universe, Cannon had all but given up on a Captain America movie, and downshifted the budget on their proposed Spider-Man movie. Albert Pyun, whose ability to make any movie in any genre look far better than its budget should have allowed, was brought in to be the director of Spider-Man, from a new script written by Shepard Goldman.   Who?   Shepard Goldman, whose one and only credit on any motion picture was as one of three screenwriters on the 1988 Cannon movie Salsa.   Don't remember Salsa? That's okay. Neither does anyone else.   But we'll talk a lot more about Cannon Films down the road, because there's a lot to talk about when it comes to Cannon Films, although I will leave you with two related tidbits…   Do you remember the 1989 Jean-Claude Van Damme film Cyborg? Post-apocalyptic cyberpunk martial-arts action film where JCVD and everyone else in the movie have names like Gibson Rickenbacker, Fender Tremolo, Marshall Strat and Pearl Prophet for no damn good reason? Stupid movie, lots of fun. Anyway, Albert Pyun was supposed to shoot two movies back to back for Cannon Films in 1988, a sequel to Masters of the Universe, and Spider-Man. To save money, both movies would use many of the same sets and costumes, and Cannon had spent more than $2m building the sets and costumes at the old Dino DeLaurentiis Studios in Wilmington, North Carolina, where David Lynch had shot Blue Velvet. But then Cannon ran into some cash flow issues, and lost the rights to both the He-Man toy line from Mattel and the Spider-Man characters they had licensed from Marvel. But ever the astute businessman, Cannon Films chairman Menahem Golan offered Pyun $500,000 to shoot any movie he wanted using the costumes and sets already created and paid for, provided Pyun could come up with a movie idea in a week. Pyun wrote the script to Cyborg in five days, and outside of some on-set alterations, that first draft would be the shooting script. The film would open in theatres in April 1989, and gross more than $10m in the United States alone.   A few months later, Golan would gone from Cannon Films. As part of his severance package, he would take one of the company's acquisitions, 21st Century Films, with him, as well as several projects, including Captain America. Albert Pyun never got to make his Spider-Man movie, but he would go into production on his Captain America in August 1989. But since the movie didn't get released in any form until it came out direct to video and cable in 1992, I'll leave it to podcasts devoted to 90s movies to tell you more about it. I've seen it. It's super easy to find on YouTube. It really sucks, although not as much as that 1994 version of The Fantastic Four that still hasn't been officially released nearly thirty years later.   There would also be attempts throughout the decade to make movies from the aforementioned Fantastic Four, the X-Men, Daredevil, the Incredible Hulk, Silver Surfer and Iron Man, from companies like New Line, 20th Century-Fox and Universal, but none of those would ever come to fruition in the 1980s.   But the one that would stick?   Of the more than 1,000 characters that had been featured in the pages of Marvel Comics over the course of forty years?   The one that would become the star of the first ever theatrically released motion picture based on a Marvel character?   Howard the Duck.   Howard the Duck was not your average Marvel superhero.   Howard the Duck wasn't even a superhero.   He was just some wise crackin', ill-tempered, anthropomorphic water fowl that was abducted away from his home on Duckworld and forced against his will to live with humans on Earth. Or, more specifically, first with the dirty humans of the Florida Everglades, and then Cleveland, and finally New York City.    Howard the Duck was metafiction and existentialist when neither of these things were in the zeitgeist. He smoked cigars, wore a suit and tie, and enjoy drinking a variety of libations and getting it on with the women, mostly his sometimes girlfriend Beverly.   The perfect character to be the subject of the very first Marvel movie.   A PG-rated movie.   Enter George Lucas.   In 1973, George Lucas had hit it big with his second film as a director, American Graffiti. Lucas had written the screenplay, based in part on his life as an eighteen year old car enthusiast about to graduate high school, with the help of a friend from his days at USC Film School, Willard Huyck, and Huyck's wife, Gloria Katz. Lucas wanted to show his appreciation for their help by producing a movie for them. Although there are variations to the story of how this came about, most sources say it was Huyck who would tell Lucas about this new comic book character, Howard the Duck, who piqued his classmate's interest by describing the comic as having elements of film noir and absurdism.   Because Universal dragged their feet on American Graffiti, not promoting it as well as they could have upon its initial release and only embracing the film when the public embraced its retro soundtrack, Lucas was not too keen on working with Universal again on his next project, a sci-fi movie he was calling The Journal of the Whills. And while they saw some potential in what they considered to be some minor kiddie movie, they didn't think Lucas could pull it off the way he was describing it for the budget he was asking for.   “What else you got, kid?” they'd ask.   Lucas had Huyck and Katz, and an idea for a live-action comic book movie about a talking duck.   Surprisingly, Universal did not slam the door shut in Lucas's face. They actually went for the idea, and worked with Lucas, Stan Lee of Marvel Comics and Howard's creator, Steve Gerber, to put a deal together to make it happen.   Almost right away, Gerber and the screenwriters, Huyck and Katz, would butt heads on practically every aspect of the movie's storyline. Katz just thought it was some funny story about a duck from outer space and his wacky adventures on Earth, Gerber was adamant that Howard the Duck was an existential joke, that the difference between life's most serious moments and its most incredibly dumb moments were only distinguishable by a moment's point of view. Huyck wanted to make a big special effects movie, while Katz thought it would be fun to set the story in Hawaii so she and her husband could have some fun while shooting there. The writers would spend years on their script, removing most everything that made the Howard the Duck comic book so enjoyable to its readers. Howard and his story would be played completely straight in the movie, leaning on subtle gags not unlike a Zucker/Abrahams/Zucker movie, instead of embracing the surreal ridiculousness of the comics. They would write humongous effects-heavy set pieces, knowing they would have access to their producer's in-house special effects team, Industrial Light and Magic, instead of the comics' more cerebral endings. And they'd tone down the more risqué aspects of Howard's personality, figuring a more family-friendly movie would bring in more money at the box office.   It would take nearly twelve years for all the pieces to fall into place for Howard the Duck to begin filming. But in the spring of 1985, Universal finally gave the green light for Lucas and his tea to finally make the first live-action feature film based on a Marvel Comics character.   For Beverly, the filmmakers claimed to have looked at every young actress in Hollywood before deciding on twenty-four year old Lea Thompson, who after years of supporting roles in movies like Jaws 3-D, All the Right Moves and Red Dawn, had found success playing Michael J. Fox's mother in Back to the Future. Twenty-six year old Tim Robbins had only made two movies up to this point, at one of the frat boys in Fraternity Vacation and as one of the fighter pilots in Top Gun, and this was his first chance to play a leading role in a major motion picture. And Jeffrey Jones would be cast as the bad guy, the Dark Overlord, based upon his work in the 1984 Best Picture winner Amadeus, although he would be coming to the set of Howard the Duck straight off of working on a John Hughes movie, Ferris Bueller's Day Off.   Howard the Duck would begin shooting on the Universal Studios lot of November 11th, 1985, and on the very first day of production, the duck puppet being used to film would have a major mechanical failure, not unlike the mechanical failure of the shark in Jaws that would force Steven Spielberg to become more creative with how he shot that character. George Lucas, who would be a hands-on producer, would suggest that maybe they could shoot other scenes not involving the duck, while his crew at ILM created a fully functional, life-sized animatronic duck costume for a little actor to wear on set. At first, the lead actor in the duck suit was a twelve-year old boy, but within days of his start on the film, he would develop a severe case of claustrophobia inside the costume. Ed Gale, originally hired to be the stuntman in the duck costume, would quickly take over the role. Since Gale could work longer hours than the child, due to the very restrictive laws surrounding child actors on movie and television sets, this would help keep the movie on a good production schedule, and make shooting the questionable love scenes between Howard and Beverly easier for Ms. Thompson, who was creeped out at the thought of seducing a pre-teen for a scene.   To keep the shoot on schedule, not only would the filmmakers employ a second shooting unit to shoot the scenes not involving the main actors, which is standard operating procedure on most movies, Lucas would supervise a third shooting unit that would shoot Robbins and Gale in one of the film's more climactic moments, when Howard and Phil are trying to escape being captured by the authorities by flying off on an ultralight plane. Most of this sequence would be shot in the town of Petaluma, California, on the same streets where Lucas had shot American Graffiti's iconic cruising scenes thirteen years earlier.   After a month-long shoot of the film's climax at a naval station in San Francisco, the film would end production on March 26th, 1986, leaving the $36m film barely four months to be put together in order to make its already set in stone August 1st, 1986, release date.   Being used to quick turnaround times, the effects teams working on the film would get all their shots completed with time to spare, not only because they were good at their jobs but they had the ability to start work before the film went into production. For the end sequence, when Jones' character had fully transformed into the Dark Overlord, master stop motion animator Phil Tippett, who had left ILM in 1984 to start his own effects studio specializing in that style of animation, had nearly a year to put together what would ultimately be less than two minutes of actual screen time.   As Beverly was a musician, Lucas would hire English musician and composer Thomas Dolby, whose 1982 single She Blinded Me With Science became a global smash hit, to write the songs for Cherry Bomb, the all-girl rock group lead by Lea Thompson's Beverly. Playing KC, the keyboardist for Cherry Bomb, Holly Robinson would book her first major acting role. For the music, Dolby would collaborate with Allee Willis, the co-writer of Earth Wind and Fire's September and Boogie Wonderland, and funk legend George Clinton. But despite this powerhouse musical trio, the songs for the band were not very good, and, with all due respect to Lea Thompson, not very well sung.   By August 1986, Universal Studios needed a hit. Despite winning the Academy Award for Best Picture in March with Sydney Pollack's Out of Africa, the first six films they released for the year were all disappointments at the box office and/or with the critics.    The Best of Times, a comedy featuring Robin Williams and Kurt Russell as two friends who try to recreate a high school football game which changed the direction of both their lives. Despite a script written by Ron Shelton, who would be nominated for an Oscar for his next screenplay, Bull Durham, and Robin Williams, the $12m film would gross less than $8m.    The Money Pit, a comedy with Tom Hanks and Shelley Long, would end up grossing $37m against a $10m budget, but the movie was so bad, its first appearance on DVD wouldn't come until 2011, and only as part of a Tom Hanks Comedy Favorites Collection along with The ‘Burbs and Dragnet.   Legend, a dark fantasy film directed by Ridley Scott and starring Tom Cruise, was supposed to be one of the biggest hits… of 1985. But Scott and the studio would fight over the film, with the director wanting them to release a two hour and five minute long version with a classical movie score by Jerry Goldsmith, while the studio eventually cut the film down an hour and twenty-nine minutes with a techno score by Tangerine Dream. Despite an amazing makeup job transforming Tim Curry into the Lord of Darkness as well as sumptuous costumes and cinematography, the $24.5m film would just miss recouping its production budget back in ticket sales.   Tom Cruise would become a superstar not three weeks later, when Paramount Pictures released Top Gun, directed by Ridley's little brother Tony Scott.   Sweet Liberty should have been a solid performer for the studio. Alan Alda, in his first movie since the end of MASH three years earlier, would write, direct and star in this comedy about a college history professor who must watch in disbelief as a Hollywood production comes to his small town to film the movie version of one of the books. The movie, which also starred Michael Caine, Bob Hoskins, Michelle Pfieffer and screen legend Lillian Gish, would get lost in the shuffle of other comedies that were already playing in theatres like Ferris Bueller and Short Circuit.   Legal Eagles was the movie to beat for the summer of 1986… at least on paper. Ivan Reitman's follow-up film to Ghostbusters would feature a cast that included Robert Redford, Debra Winger and Daryl Hannah, along with Brian Denny, Terence Stamp, and Brian Doyle-Murray, and was perhaps too much movie, being a legal romantic comedy mystery crime thriller.   Phew.   If I were to do an episode about agency packaging in the 1980s, the process when a talent agency like Creative Artists Agency, or CAA, put two or more of their clients together in a project not because it might be best for the movie but best for the agency that will collect a 10% commission from each client attached to the project, Legal Eagles would be the example of packaging gone too far. Ivan Reitman was a client of CAA. As were Redford,  and Winger, and Hannah. As was Bill Murray, who was originally cast in the Redford role. As were Jim Cash and Jack Epps, the screenwriters for the film. As was Tom Mankewicz, the co-writer of Superman and three Bond films, who was brought in to rewrite the script when Murray left and Redford came in. As was Frank Price, the chairman of Universal Pictures when the project was put together. All told, CAA would book more than $1.5m in commissions for themselves from all their clients working on the film.   And it sucked.   Despite the fact that it had almost no special effects, Legal Eagles would cost $40m to produce, one of the most expensive movies ever made to that point, nearly one and a half times the cost of Ghostbusters. The film would gross nearly $50m in the US, which would make it only the 14th highest grossing film of the year. Less than Stand By Me. Less than The Color of Money. Less than Down and Out in Beverly Hills.   And then there was Psycho III, the Anthony Perkins-directed slasher film that brought good old Norman Bates out of mothballs once again. An almost direct follow-up to Psycho II from 1983, the film neither embraced by horror film fans or critics, the film would only open in eighth place, despite the fact there hadn't been a horror movie in theatres for months, and its $14m gross would kill off any chance for a Psycho IV in theatres.   In late June, Universal would hold a series of test screenings for Howard the Duck. Depending on who you talk to, the test screenings either went really well, or went so bad that one of the writers would tear up negative response cards before they could be given to the score compilers, to goose the numbers up, pun only somewhat intended. I tend to believe the latter story, as it was fairly well reported at the time that the test screenings went so bad, Sid Sheinberg, the CEO of Universal, and Frank Price, the President of the studio, got into a fist fight in the lobby of one of the theatres running one of the test screenings, over who was to blame for this impending debacle.   And a debacle it was.   But just how bad?   So bad, copywriters from across the nation reveled in giddy glee over the chances to have a headline that read “‘Howard the Duck' Lays an Egg!”   And it did.   Well, sort of.   When it opened in 1554 theatres on August 1st, the film would gross $5.07m, the second best opener of the weekend, behind the sixth Friday the 13th entry, and above other new movies like the Tom Hanks/Jackie Gleason dramedy Nothing in Common and the cult film in the making Flight of the Navigator. And $5m in 1986 was a fairly decent if unspectacular opening weekend gross. The Fly was considered a massive success when it opened to $7m just two weeks later. Short Circuit, which had opened to $5.3m in May, was also lauded as being a hit right out of the gate.   And the reviews were pretty lousy. Gene Siskel gave the film only one star, calling it a stupid film with an unlikeable lead in the duck and special effects that were less impressive than a sparkler shoved into a birthday cake. Both Siskel and Ebert would give it the dreaded two thumbs down on their show. Leonard Maltin called the film hopeless. Today, the film only has a 14% rating on Rotten Tomatoes with 81 reviews.   But despite the shellacking the film took, it wouldn't be all bad for several of the people involved in the making of the film.   Lea Thompson was so worried her career might be over after the opening weekend of the film, she accepted a role in the John Hughes movie Some Kind of Wonderful that she had turned down multiple times before. As I stated in our March 2021 episode about that movie, it's my favorite of all John Hughes movies, and it would lead to a happy ending for Thompson as well. Although the film was not a massive success, Thompson and the film's director, Howard Deutch, would fall in love during the making of the film. They would marry in 1989, have two daughters together, and as of the writing of this episode, they are still happily married.   For Tim Robbins, it showed filmmakers that he could handle a leading role in a movie. Within two years, he would be starring alongside Kevin Costner and Susan Sarandon in Bull Durham, and he career would soar for the next three decades.   And for Ed Gale, his being able to act while in a full-body duck suit would lead him to be cast to play Chucky in the first two Child's Play movies as well as Bride of Chucky.   Years later, Entertainment Weekly would name Howard the Duck as the biggest pop culture failure of all time, ahead of such turkeys as NBC's wonderfully ridiculous 1979 show Supertrain, the infamous 1980 Western Heaven's Gate, Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman's Ishtar, and the truly wretched 1978 Bee Gees movie Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.   But Howard the Duck, the character, not the movie, would enjoy a renaissance in 2014, when James Gunn included a CG-animated version of the character in the post-credit sequence for Guardians of the Galaxy. The character would show up again in the Disney animated Guardians television series, and in the 2021 Disney+ anthology series Marvel's What If…   There technically would be one other 1980s movie based on a Marvel character, Mark Goldblatt's version of The Punisher, featuring Dolph Lundgren as Frank Castle. Shot in Australia in 1988, the film was supposed to be released by New World Pictures in August of 1989. The company even sent out trailers to theatres that summer to help build awareness for the film, but New World's continued financial issues would put the film on hold until April 1991, when it was released directly to video by Live Entertainment.   It wouldn't be until the 1998 release of Blade, featuring Wesley Snipes as the titular vampire, that movies based on Marvel Comics characters would finally be accepted by movie-going audiences. That would soon be followed by Bryan Singer's X-Men in 2000, and Sam Raimi's Spider-Man in 2002, the success of both prompting Marvel to start putting together the team that would eventually give birth to the Marvel Cinematic Universe we all know and love today.   Thank you for joining us. We'll talk again soon, when Episode 102, the first of two episodes about the 1980s distribution company Vestron Pictures, is released.   Remember to visit this episode's page on our website, The80sMoviePodcast.com, for extra materials about Howard the Duck, and the other movies, both existing and non-existent, we covered this episode.   The 80s Movies Podcast has been researched, written, narrated and edited by Edward Havens for Idiosyncratic Entertainment.   Thank you again.   Good night.