Podcasts about fathering together

In this episode of the Young Dad podcast, host Jey Young speaks with Chris Lewis, co-founder of Fathering Together, about the importance of active engagement in fatherhood. They discuss the journey of creating a supportive community for dads, the significance of vulnerability, and how to redefine fatherhood in modern society. Chris shares insights on building strong relationships with daughters, navigating difficult conversations, and the fleeting nature of time spent with children. The conversation emphasizes the need for dads to connect, learn from each other, and be present in their children's lives. Takeaways Fathering Together started from a blog and grew into a community. Engagement in fatherhood is crucial from the very beginning. Dads should be involved in their children's interests, even if they differ from their own. Vulnerability is key to building strong relationships and communities. Time spent with children is fleeting; cherish every moment. Dads need to listen more than they fix in conversations with their kids. There is no one right way to be a father; every dad's journey is unique. Building a supportive community helps dads navigate challenges together. Early engagement lays the foundation for strong relationships with children. Dads should advocate for each other and lift each other up. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Fatherhood and Community Engagement 08:54 Growth and Expansion of Fathering Together 17:01 Engagement and Connection in Fatherhood 25:39 The Importance of Early Conversations with Children 31:16 Embracing Vulnerability in Fatherhood 38:40 Redefining Fatherhood in Modern Times 43:39 Humorous Moments in Parenting 49:05 Advice for New Dads Connect with Chris⁠http://www.fatheringtogether.com⁠⁠http://www.dadofdivas.com⁠ Dads with Daughters Group - ⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/150750868960229⁠ Dads With Sons Group - ⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/1230654337134672⁠ ⁠https://www.facebook.com/dadofdivas⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/fatheringtogether⁠ ⁠https://birdsandbeesandkids.com/ Check out the Website for Interactive Activity Guides, Resources, Full Transcripts, all things YDP- ⁠⁠www.youngdadpod.com⁠⁠ Clink the Link for YDP Deals (Joon, Forefathers &more)- ⁠https://linktr.ee/youngdadpod Want to be a guest on Young Dad Podcast? Send Jey Young a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/17304299436966453bcb0b95c

Family First: Embracing the Realities of Fatherhood Fatherhood is a journey filled with joy, challenges, and countless learning moments. In our recent episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast,we had the pleasure of hosting Brian Piper and his daughter Libby. This engaging conversation shed light on the intricacies of fostering a strong father-daughter bond, emphasizing empathy, support, and mutual growth. The Initial Steps: Embracing the Unknown Brian Piper candidly shared his initial reaction to fatherhood. Like many new fathers, Brian felt a mix of excitement and fear. He was initially terrified but quickly embraced the journey as a valuable learning experience. Understanding the emotional and intellectual differences between men and women was one of his primary concerns when raising his daughter, Libby. Libby also offered her perspective on the various activities her dad encouraged her to try. From cheerleading and soccer to rock climbing and snowboarding, Brian's support helped Libby find her passions and joy in unexpected places. Their shared skydiving experience stands out as a testament to his encouragement and her bravery. Open Ears and Open Hearts: Listening Versus Fixing A significant part of the episode focused on the challenges of raising daughters, especially the balance between listening and solving their problems. Brian highlighted the importance of listening without judgment and providing empathetic support, something often more required by daughters than sons. Libby emphasized that sometimes she needs her dad to listen and provide empathy rather than immediate solutions to her problems. This approach has helped her feel supported and understood. Fathers must remember to ask if their daughters want advice or just a sympathetic ear at that moment, fostering better communication and stronger relationships. Skydiving and Small Steps: Overcoming Anxiety Together Libby's journey with anxiety and how her father has been there for her with unwavering support was another crucial discussion point. Brian has used techniques like walking her through worst-case scenarios to help alleviate her anxiety. This method allows Libby to process her emotions and face her fears more manageable. The skydiving experience shared between them illustrates this dynamic beautifully. Despite her initial anxiety, Libby found joy and excitement in the activity, thanks to her father's encouragement and support. This shared adventure not only helped her overcome a significant fear but also strengthened their bond. Thriving Amidst Technology: Discussing AI and Social Media In today's digital age, navigating AI and social media is an inevitable part of parenting. Brian, with his expertise as a marketer and content expert, highlighted the ethical considerations and the need for open discussions about these technologies with children. Libby, coming from an environmental major background, shared her concerns about AI's potential negative uses, reflecting her thoughtful approach to the impact of technology on society. These conversations around the dinner table, although sometimes challenging, are crucial for preparing children to make informed decisions about technology usage responsibly. Finding Opportunities and Walking the Path Together Libby's approach to seizing opportunities by breaking tasks into manageable steps is a valuable lesson in personal development. This method, akin to how Brian taught skydiving, emphasizes the importance of self-belief and recognizing personal capabilities. Brian's reflections on parenting six children underscore the significance of personalized attention, open communication, and equitable responsibility-sharing with his partner. The value of family dinners as moments of connection and fun further highlights his commitment to family values. Conclusion In wrapping up the episode, Dr. Christopher Lewis reiterated the importance of community and shared learning as vital tools in the journey of fatherhood. The insights from Brian and Libby Piper's experiences remind us to balance listening and fixing, support our daughters as they face their fears and challenges, and engage them in meaningful conversations about technology and personal growth. Fatherhood, as stressed throughout the "Dads with Daughters" podcast, is not about finding a one-size-fits-all approach. It's about being present, empathetic, and open to learning from our children and each other. With resources like the "Fatherhood Insider" and the vibrant "Dads with Daughters" community, fathers can find the support and guidance they need to raise strong, independent daughters. For more insights and to join the conversation, visit fatheringtogether.org, and stay tuned for more empowering episodes on the "Dads with Daughters" podcast.     TRANSCRIPT (Unedited transcript created with CASTMAGIC) Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]: Welcome to Dads with Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to the dads with daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. As always, every week, I love being able to be on this journey with you. You know, I've got 2 daughters myself. I love being able to talk to you, talk with you, walk with you as we go down this path to be able to raise our daughters and to figure this out along the way, because there is no right way way to father. Every one of us is gonna do things a little bit differently, and that's okay. But what's most important is that we are open to listening, to learning, not only to listen and learn from our kids, but also to listen and learn from other fathers that are have gone before us, are going through it right now because we can learn a lot of things, a lot of tools that we can put into our own toolbox that we can then put into action. So that's why this podcast exists. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:10]: It is here to help you. And every week I love being able to bring you different people, different guests with different experiences that help you to be able to grab some of those tools for your toolbox. This week, we've got 2 new great guests that are joining us. Brian Piper and his daughter, Libby are with us today. And we're gonna be talking about their journey together as father and daughter, but also gonna be talking about some of the other experiences that that Brian's had as a father of 6 and more. So Brian, Libby, thanks so much for being here today. Brian Piper [00:01:42]: Thanks so much for having us, Chris. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:43]: It is my pleasure. Love being able to be here to talk to both of you today. And I always start off by turning the clock back in time. So I Brian, I wanna go all the way back. I wanna go back to the first moment that you found out you were going to be a father to a daughter. What was going through your head? Brian Piper [00:01:57]: I was terrified, really. I do a lot of things that, you know, get my, adrenaline going and put me out on the edge, but I really had no concept of what it was, you know, gonna be like to be a father and then to be a father of girl. It was very daunting, but, you know, I've always accepted challenges and kind of, you know, jumped head first into them my whole life. So I figured this would be a great learning experience. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:22]: It definitely is a learning experience. And I know that I talk to a lot of dads that say what you just said in the sense that there's fear. And I think there's fear not only with becoming a father in general, but there's fear also in becoming a father to a daughter because it's an experience that we have not lived in many in for the most part and we can't we can empathize, but we can't always understand. But I guess as you think back and you think to the time that you've had with Libby and your other kids too, but as you think back to raising a daughter and that fear that you talked about, what was your biggest fear in raising a daughter? Brian Piper [00:02:55]: Well, first of all, just making sure to to keep them alive. That was a key. But, just being able to understand them because I grew up with a brother. You know, I had a great relationship with my mother, but that's a very different relationship than you have with a child. And just knowing that women are very different than men emotionally and intellectually. And so I just wanted to make sure that I was gonna be able to connect with her and help her and, you know, help provide her the tools to make her a better person than I am. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:24]: So let's talk about experiences. You said you wanted to build those experiences. And and having memories, building experiences is definitely important. You talked about being an adrenaline junkie and, you know, you and I have talked about that and the things that you enjoy doing, but I'm gonna turn this over first to Libby. Libby, I guess as you think about experiences that that you've had with your dad, what's been the most memorable experience that you've had thus far with your dad? Libby Piper [00:03:49]: I think since I was young, he's always been, like, very encouraging to try everything, like, despite your interest level in it. So I've, like growing up I tried everything. I was put into like cheerleading, soccer. I have no athletic ability. I'm a theater kid and did not thrive in that situation. But he does a lot of things and sometimes that becomes an issue, but I've tried rock climbing and I love that and I don't know if I would have thought that I would have enjoyed that. Snowboarding, I've tried and there have been a lot of times in trying out these new things that at first I struggled a lot with them or like did not enjoy them at first. The first time he took me snowboarding, I cried and we ended up walking down the whole hill. Libby Piper [00:04:44]: But now I love snowboarding and I go out on my own. I'm in the ski club at school. I skydive which is kind of shocking because I've always been pretty filled with fear. But he really just encourages me to try things that I wouldn't think I would enjoy. And now this year at school, I'm trying all these different clubs that I don't know if I'm gonna like them, but we'll see. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:06]: And Brian, what was your most memorable experience? Brian Piper [00:05:09]: Yeah. I mean, just doing experiencing all the activities and just watching the lights come on, you know, when when she finds something that she connects with or that she enjoys, you know, getting her involved in in theater and seeing her up on stage just glowing and, you know, just loving the audience and the reaction and the interaction. We've been skydiving together numerous times over the last year and a half, and, it's just so great to see her in in free fall just with a huge smile on her face and just having so much fun and just so excited. So that's the most encouraging part for me is just watching the lights come on and and things start to click, and she's like, I can do this. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:49]: Now raising kids is not always easy, Brian. And there can be high points. There can be low points, and everything in between. And as you think back to raising your daughter, what was the hardest part in being a father to a daughter? Brian Piper [00:06:03]: I think, you know, and this applies to, being married as well. It's listening without judging and also without trying to help. And I know you've talked about this on previous episodes as well. We wanna fix things. We wanna solve problems. And a lot of times, they just want someone to empathize and to listen and to know that they're going through challenging things. And when I start throwing out ideas, well, you could do this or you could do this. It's like, no. Brian Piper [00:06:27]: I don't wanna do that. I just want you to know that I'm I'm experiencing anxiety or fear or pain, and, you know, I just want you to empathize with me. So that's a big difference between, you know, boys and girls. You mentioned we have 6 kids between my wife and I. There's 5 boys, 1 girl. So it's very different providing that parenting and that emotional support for girls is much more challenging, but also much more rewarding. Because you give the answer to the boys, and they're like, oh, okay. You know? And they go do it. Brian Piper [00:06:56]: And you give it to to Libby, and and she thinks about it and processes it and comes back with her thoughts on it. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:02]: I don't know if I agree with you. Maybe that's a nice way of saying it. Brian Piper [00:07:05]: Yeah. A lot of that. Libby Piper [00:07:06]: Yeah. No. It happened just the other day. I think I can't remember. I was complaining about something. I don't remember what I was complaining about. But I vase I went to him and I I think my legs hurt or something. This was like 2 days ago, but I was like I don't feel good. Libby Piper [00:07:21]: My legs hurt. And he's like well did you take something? I'm like no. Just just just tell me you're sorry. And he's like, I'm sorry you guys are. I'm like, thank you. That's all I wanted. He's like, I know. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:32]: So Libby, give us some advice here because I think a lot of dads go right to the fixing, and that being able to be on the other opposite end when you're raising daughters and being able to hear and listen and not always fix is not always the go to modality that we go to. So as someone that has grown up with a father that likes to fix, what are some things that you might say to other dads that also do the same thing when it comes to connecting with their daughters? Libby Piper [00:08:07]: I think it really depends on the situation and what you're trying to fix because sometimes I'll have a problem and I'm, like, completely shut down to it, and I don't think there's a solution, and I'm just, like, upset about it. And he'll come in and be like, well, you can do this. And I am not in the mood to change things. I am not in the mood to fix things. I can't process that right now. I don't wanna deal with that right now. Just don't fix things right now. But I think if I'm explaining a situation and he has ideas to fix things, I think just before shouting them out and before just being like, oh, here's the solution. Libby Piper [00:08:42]: Here's why I have the answer to your problem. I think that's a big thing about it. It's like, oh, I have the answer to your no. Do you do you know the problem in its entirety or do you you're just wanting to help. You just wanna make it better and I know that. But I think before you give me the solution that you have, maybe ask me if I'm open to hearing solutions or like if I'm ready to hear a solution. Because a lot of times I'll say 8 times that time. The solution he gives me is very helpful, but I'm just not always open to hearing it in that moment. Libby Piper [00:09:14]: So I think that the solution is helpful, but I'm just not always ready to hear it at that moment. So sometimes I need a second of empathy just before I hear the solution. Brian Piper [00:09:25]: And you've given that advice on your show before, Chris, is to ask sometimes. I do this with my I find myself doing this with my wife now more too. It's like, do you want a solution? Do you want some, you know, ideas about ways to solve this or not? So that's been very helpful from the podcast for me. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:39]: Well, I appreciate that. And and I can't take credit for that because a previous guest did bring that up to me, an author from out on the West Coast and she said in her practice of being a psychologist and working with dads, that's one of the pieces of advice that she gave is to talk to your daughters from the very beginning and saying, is this a listening conversation or a fixing conversation? And I wish I had started that at a very young age with my daughters. Because if I went and said that to my daughters now, they'd probably look at me like I was an alien and been like, what have you been reading? Because that's just weird. Now doesn't mean that it still can't work, like you said, Brian, in trying to incorporate some new language into the processes that you have with your own wife, but you may still get some strange looks along the way. And that's okay. That's okay. It's a process of, of learning and getting better. So that's what this is. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:33]: That's what it's all about. Now, I know you both just talked about the fact that some of the memories that you've had, you've been able to do some things that may have pushed you, Libby, but also things that you enjoy doing Brian. So let's talk about the skydiving because I know Libby, you said skydiving was not something you ever thought that you would do, but that you ended up doing it with your dad. So talk to me about that experience. What led you up to wanting to do that when you said that you were fearful and that you were willing to go and do it and what was the experience like? Libby Piper [00:11:04]: I really grew up around skydiving. So I grew up with a pretty good, like, understanding of the safety of it. Whereas other people look at it and they're like, oh my god. What are you doing? You're gonna die. And I grew up watching him skydive and obviously he's a pretty big role model so obviously I was gonna try it. There's there's kind of this like expectation, I think, with all of us all of us kids that we will try skydiving. Some of us have so far and some of us haven't. But I knew I was gonna try it at least. Libby Piper [00:11:35]: But I have dealt with anxiety a lot before and just like that spiral thinking. And I remember being in the car with him on the way to AFF, which was like my skydiving training. And I was gonna do my first jump all by myself and I was so scared because I was like, who is letting me do this? What how am I just like allowed to go and jump out of a plane on my own, just responsible for myself? How is that possible? I do not have the capability to do this. This is not something I can do. And we, like, slowed things down and we would, like, talk through all my emergency stuff and, he's been doing this forever. Mostly. And it was kind of just like that first push. And I feel like that's typically how I work for the most part. Libby Piper [00:12:31]: It's like that anxiety leading up to the thing is always so much worse than actually doing it because I do it now and I love it. And always in the plane, I'm always anxious and I will turn to my dad and I will walk him through my entire jump step by step before we go and get out of the plane because I'm still anxious about it. Like I still realize that it's not a completely safe activity but I feel a lot more safe definitely because I can do it with him. And I think it's an even more important hobby to me because I can do it with him. I think that's one of my favorite things about it is that it's something that is really special for both of us and I love that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:11]: So one of the questions that I would ask because you were just were talking about dealing with anxiety, and I think that a lot of kids today deal with mental health issues in their own ways, whether it's anxiety, whether it's depression. There's there's a lot of things that they that compound upon themselves, and parents sometimes are at a loss to how best to support their children as they're struggling through things like that. And I don't know if you're willing to talk about it, but I would love to get your perspective on for someone that has dealt with anxiety and mental health issues in that way, how has your dad supported you through that? What has he done well? And what should other fathers do to be able to support their kids if they are struggling with similar such issues? Libby Piper [00:13:59]: I think, like, we were talking about earlier is just one of the big thing is, like, listening and just like being quiet for a second and like sitting with those thoughts. And then he typically helps me realize that most of those thoughts I'm like creating for myself. Like I'm creating that anxiety for myself. So we'll go through in a lot of situations, not skydiving because that's a little bit of a worst case scenario there. But I've done public speaking and I'll get really anxious beforehand and he'll talk me through. He's like, okay, what is the worst possible outcome? Like, okay, it's this. He's like, is that really that bad? No. Okay. Libby Piper [00:14:36]: So what's the best possible outcome? This. That's pretty great and so it's kind of finding that middle ground. What do you think is the worst thing? Do you think that is actually going to happen? Most of the time it's not. Most of the time that's a pretty small chance and it's kinda just like working backwards from your anxiety and then getting yourself back to that clear headspace which is is sometimes a really hard thing to do. But I think the longer you sit with it and the longer you talk about it and the more, like, interested in listening you are, the easier that is to kind of rewind yourself. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:12]: So it sounds like your dad's been able to provide you with a lot of tools, a lot of things to be able to not only process things, but also to set yourself up for the path that you're on now. What are some of the things that that Brian did to be able to help you to not only get on that path, but to become the woman that you're becoming today? Libby Piper [00:15:33]: I think one of the biggest things, again, like I said earlier, is to try everything. To just, like, put yourself out there so you can find opportunities for other things. He's big about finding opportunities and opportunity seeking. And I think now for me, that's a big part of who I am. I will go out and look for certain things and find situations that are gonna be the best for me, find the people who are gonna be the best for me. So I think I'm pretty good at looking for those opportunities and recognizing them. I think the anxiety and dealing with the anxiety is a big thing. It was hard for me at school, and the transition from high school to college last year was really difficult for me. Libby Piper [00:16:19]: So he gave me the advice, him and my stepmom, to just take things one step at a time instead of like looking at the day as like, just one day. It's just like, okay, we're gonna get out of bed now. We're gonna step out of the bed, and then we're gonna get dressed, and then we're gonna walk out of my door, do this, do this, like very very breaking it, like breaking it down so much that it's no longer this big scary unknown and it's, oh, I've walked downstairs before. Okay. I can do that. Let's walk down the stairs. And doing that to, like, get yourself out of bed and to find those opportunities. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:55]: And, Brian, reflect on what Libby just said there. What does that mean to you in what you're hearing? Brian Piper [00:17:00]: Yeah. It's, you know, it's the same thing we do when we're teaching someone to skydive is you have to break it down into just the individual steps so they're not looking at the whole like, they don't keep in the front of their mind that they're gonna be leaving the plane and, you know, just now you're just taking one more step and one more step, and then you're, you know and I think along that whole process, just encouraging them to believe in themselves and to understand, like, that they have more capability than they think they do, and their self doubt is preventing them from seeing how capable and how strong and how innovative and intelligent they are. But once they start doing that and they start learning, I mean, kids are just sponges. They just soak up knowledge so quickly. And once they get a hold of something, you know, then they just grow so quickly. So I think that's important to to keep the focus really small on individual things that are easy to accomplish. And then that way, it leads towards accomplishing those bigger goals and finding those opportunities. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:02]: Now, Brian, you mentioned that you've got 6 kids between you and your wife with 5 boys, 1 girl. There's a lot of stuff happening in that household. And so I guess reflect on being a father of 6, and I know you're a busy guy as well. So talk to me about balance and how have you been able to balance being a professional, a father, and everything else that you want to be in your life and being able to show up and being able to be present still in the lives of your kids? Brian Piper [00:18:35]: Well and I think so much of that is really comes down to who who you've chosen to be your partner Because I know my wife is a huge advocate for transparency and honesty. And, you know, whenever things start getting out of balance or, you know, if I'm traveling too much for work or if I'm doing too many activities on the weekends and not doing enough family stuff, we have a very open communication network between all of us in the family where we can just say to each other, you know, we really need you here for this, or, you know, you're doing a little more of this than you should be. And I think just having that communication, because I get in my head, oh, I can do everything. And I have passed that on to my children who I can do all of it. I can do all the things and be very active. And and sometimes someone just has to be able to say, you may be overextending yourself. You may be taking on too much. Think about what you can bring into balance by saying no to some things. Brian Piper [00:19:33]: I think having that open communication and being able to talk about things. So when people feel like they're being they're not getting as much time as they would like, you can talk about that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:43]: And talk to me also about with 6 kids. You've had 6 different personalities, 6 different individuals with 6 different needs. And I'm not even talking about your wife because that's number 7, but let's talk about your kids. And how did you, as they have been growing up, build those unique relationships with each one of them that you have to do as you are parenting. Brian Piper [00:20:08]: Yeah. And I think a lot of that comes down to making a point of spending time with each of them individually and having that one on one connection, whether it's, you know, I mean, teaching them how to drive 1 on 1, you're in the car with them for hours at a time. By finding opportunities to talk to them just about their life in general and ask them questions. And not just, like, trying to get into what they're doing every minute of the day questions, but really asking them, well, you know, how did that make you feel, And and why did you like that? And, you know, things that get deeper into kind of their emotions and their thoughts versus just, you know, what they've been up to in their activities. But, yeah, it's definitely a challenge when you, you know, switch from, you know, 1 on 1 to zone defense. You know? There's only so much that you can do. We really make a point of trying to have family dinners where we all sit down and we all share. And, you know, those are some of my favorite times. Brian Piper [00:21:08]: We're just just laughing and having fun and being goofy and silly with each other. I think that's critical as well. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:14]: Now professionally, I know, Brian, you've been working as a marketer, as a content expert, as someone that really knows artificial intelligence working within higher education, at this point. And and I know you've got a brand new podcast that's talking about AI in higher education as well. And I wanna talk a little bit about social media, AI, and parenting as well because as a con as someone that has been working in this area, I'm sure you have some thoughts about there's a lot of concerns right now about social media, social media use, incorporating that, or having kids being able to be having that as a part of their lives, but then also with AI now and incorporating that into school and good case usage, and when can they use it, when can't they use it. And it was a lot to unpack there. But as you think about the work that you're doing to aid higher education and in people with these type of struggles that they're having in their own organizations. As you think about as a parent and as we're struggling with these, what do you say what would you say to other parents as we're looking at social media or AI and talking to our kids about these things and helping them to maneuver in this ever changing space? Brian Piper [00:22:29]: Well, I think I think you actually just said it, Chris, is is talking to your kids about these things. Because, you know, among our six different kids, we have wide ranges of social media usage. We have wide ranges of thoughts about AI. As you know, I'm a big proponent of AI, but my conversations with Libby make me think very, carefully about the ethical uses of AI. I mean, there's some great ways that it can help us to be more human and more authentic and not just replace, you know, tasks that we're doing or get rid of jobs that we have that actually lead to more complicated jobs. If we have AI doing everything that entry level lawyers do, how are we gonna get more experienced lawyers who are gonna be able to do the more complicated things that AI can't do? And that's the same in in higher ed and in research and every job field. So it's really about trying to understand their opinions and their thoughts and not just dismiss those, but really think about, yeah, you got a good point there, and we shouldn't be doing this with these tools. And, you know, these tools do cause a lot of anxiety and stress and social issues. Brian Piper [00:23:40]: So let's look at how we can use this technology in a a practical way, but also in a ethical, moral way that's gonna elevate humanity and not just make us lazy people with it sit around and let the robots do all the work. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:54]: And, Libby, as you hear your dad talk about that, what is your reaction, and what would you say to parents? Libby Piper [00:24:01]: I think he kinda hit the nail on the head. I think all of my siblings and I have very different opinions on these things. And like he said, some of us use social media more, some of us use it less. Some of us are really interested in how AI works and some of us just find it like very scary and I find it more scary. I feel like there's a lot of negative uses. So I think that most of our conversation around AI is I'm afraid of this because of x y z, and this is why it scares me, and this is why it's not all like, oh, this is cool that these people have, like, a high functioning robot in their house. Like, this is a little scary. This is a little, like, apocalyptic almost and it freaks me out. Especially like being like an environmental major see a lot of scenarios that end badly and so that's hard for me to come to terms with or a lot of our conversation around the dinner table will be about AI and so it's sometimes like hard for me to Libby Piper [00:24:56]: listen to around the dinner table will be about AI. And so it's sometimes like hard for me to listen to that and be like, oh yeah, this is great. Oh yeah, let's keep talking about this because I'll be sitting over there. Oh, this is a little scary. But I think we do a pretty good job of talking about this and we were just in the car the other day and I was telling him like, oh, I don't think this is ethical. Actually taking it in and I can see him actually taking it in which makes me feel more validated and makes me feel like I'm not just like being crazy about it, which is very helpful to me. So I think he's pretty good about listening to how we all feel about it. And to my brothers who are like, oh, wait, tell me more about this. Libby Piper [00:25:34]: Like, tell me how I can use this. And he's pretty good about seeing our individual point of views. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:40]: Well, there's so many ways in which AI touches our lives that some people don't even realize. So I've been having conversations at my own workplace about the use of AI in applying to college. And the questions that arise are you've get you've got some people that say you can't use it at all in the application. But then I say, well, what about Grammarly? Is someone able to grammar check what they've written and use Grammarly for that? What about spell check? That's an AI. You know, there's different pieces like that that makes it very gray and the ethical concerns are out there. And I think that it is important to have these conversations with our kids to be able to help them to think about things and make their own decisions about it in the end. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood 5, where I typically ask questions of dads, but because I've got both of you here, both of you are gonna get some questions. So first and foremost, Libby, in one word, what is fatherhood? Libby Piper [00:26:41]: I'd say encouragement.  Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:42]: And Brian? Rewarding. Now, Libby, when was a time that you would say that Brian succeeded at being a father to you? Libby Piper [00:26:51]: I think my mind just goes back to skydiving really and being able to share those experiences together. And I think when I was telling him about my anxiety, he told me that he feels anxiety about it too. Like, it's not just me. He still feels it at how many years have you been skydiving? Brian Piper [00:27:12]: 34 years. Libby Piper [00:27:13]: 34 years of skydiving. He still feels that anxiety, and it's a completely valid feeling. He never invalidates my feelings. He always tells me, like, it's understandable that you feel this way, but you don't need to. And so I think that for all the time that I'm fearful, he's a very good father and helps me get out of that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:31]: And, Brian, when was the time that you feel that you finally succeeded at being a father to a daughter? Brian Piper [00:27:36]: Anytime I watch my kids face challenges and then make good decisions or overcome things, and particularly with Libby last summer, 2 summers ago, when she was studying in Spain, she was so far away. It's her first, like, time kind of really on her own. And, you know, we were calling each other, and she was calling me, and she was super sad, and she was homesick, and she was feeling a lot of anxiety. But we were just able to talk through it. I listened a lot. I did give her some tried to give her some helpful resources that she could use. And I knew that if she just hung on and just waited it out and just let herself kind of adapt to the situation, that she was fully capable of turning the situation around, which she did. And she ended up having a fantastic time and loved it so much that she wants to go back. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:25]: Now, Libby, if I was to talk to you and your brothers, how would you describe your dad? Libby Piper [00:28:31]: I'd say motivated or encourages us to, like, motivate ourselves, and I think we could all agree. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:38]: Now, Brian, who inspires you to be a better dad? Brian Piper [00:28:41]: My mom and my wife, for sure, and then my father as well, and and mostly my kids. It's means everything to me to watch them doing well and to watch them have fun, and it's great. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:52]: Now we've talked about a lot of different things, things within your own relationship, things that you both learned in the relate in the in the fatherhood journey that, Ryan, that you're on, and and I'm gonna say that through the childhood that you've had, Libby, into adulthood now. Libby, if there was one piece of advice you'd wanna give to every dad, what would that be? Libby Piper [00:29:11]: Find ways to individually connect with your daughter and to really seek out one on one time and to just genuinely spend as much time as you can together because that time creates memories and just creates a general oneness for each other. And I tell everyone, my dad is, like, my best friend, and I just really enjoy spending time with him and doing things with him. So I think that makes our relationship a lot better. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:39]: And Brian? Brian Piper [00:29:39]: Yeah. I'd say just enjoy every minute of it and laugh and have fun, and it's gonna change so fast. And, you know, they're gonna be off on their own before you know it. But also set goals and give yourself priorities so that you're you know, while you're having fun, you're still always taking those small steps towards a bigger goal that you've set for yourself. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:00]: Well, I appreciate both of you being here today. Brian, Libby, thank you for your time, for sharing your journey. I know it is not over. It it continues on a day to day basis. If people wanna find out more about you, Brian, where should they go? Brian Piper [00:30:15]: Go to brianwpiper.com, or you can find me on most social channels at Brian w Piper. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:20]: Well, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for being here, and I wish you both the best. Brian Piper [00:30:24]: Thanks so much for having us, Chris. This was great. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:26]: If you've enjoyed today's episode of the dads with daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the fatherhood insider. The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most dads are figuring it out as they go along, and the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step roadmaps, and more, you will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fathering together dot org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the dads with daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today. Dads with daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week all geared to helping you raise strong and powered daughters and be the best dad that you can be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:24]: We're all in the same boat, And it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, We buy them presents and bring your a game. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and musclemen. Get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Parenthood is often described as a roller coaster ride, filled with ups, downs, and unexpected turns. For many fathers, this journey involves a continual process of learning, growth, and adaptation. In this week's Dads with Daughters podcast, we spoke with Thomas Batchelor, an operations and maintenance electrician for Shell Energy Australia and the father of two sons. The conversation touched on various aspects of fatherhood, from the initial challenges to the changing gender roles and the importance of self-care and support. The Long Marathon: Early Challenges in Fatherhood When Thomas Batchelor first discovered he was going to be a father, he approached the situation with confidence. However, reality quickly set in. "I thought I'd have it all under control," Batchelor reflected. "But it was far from the truth." Like many new parents, Thomas faced significant hurdles, including a newborn who had difficulty sleeping. The initial months were a humbling experience that forced him to adjust his expectations and learn on the go. "I learned pretty quickly that it's not a sprint. It's going to be a marathon-type process," Batchelor said. "Settle in because the life that you knew before has changed, and you have to adjust to the new life that you've got now." This early period was characterized by significant personal growth, teaching Batchelor to look inward and adopt a more grounded approach in both his personal life and in fatherhood. Shifting Gender Roles and the Importance of Teamwork Batchelor highlighted how traditional gender roles have shifted in contemporary parenting. He took a year off work to stay at home and support his wife's career aspirations, showcasing the importance of teamwork in managing family responsibilities. Initially, he struggled to comprehend the "mental load" that his wife carried daily. This refers to the myriad of small, yet significant, tasks that ensure a household runs smoothly. "About 2 or 3 months in, I thought I was doing a great job, but my wife said I needed to start thinking for myself now," Batchelor explained. It was a steep learning curve that took almost a year to fully grasp. Understanding and acknowledging these unseen aspects of parental responsibility not only strengthened his relationship with his wife but also allowed him to contribute more effectively at home. Building a Support Network One of Batchelor's key points was the importance of seeking and having a support network. Fatherhood can be a lonely journey, often described as the "lone wolf syndrome." He strongly believes that vulnerability and asking for help are crucial for personal well-being. Batchelor participated in a retreat called the Good Blokes Society, which acted as an "adult rite of passage" and enabled him to share his struggles with like-minded men.  "Without that, that was the start of my journey. And then I sat with it, and it was really raw and tough for me to do, but I left there and continued to gain momentum."  His experience illustrates that community and mutual support are essential in navigating the complexities of fatherhood. Self-Care and Sustainable Fatherhood Adopting an effective self-care routine emerged as another critical piece of Batchelor's journey. From regular exercise and a balanced diet to seeking professional psychological help, Batchelor emphasizes that self-care enables him to be a better father. "I've got to make sure that I'm getting to bed at a decent time, eating a pretty good diet, exercising regularly, and speaking to a psychologist," he said. "If I do that, then I feel like I'm in the place where I need to be." By managing his well-being, Batchelor ensures that he can fully engage with and support his family. Thomas Batchelor's story is a resonant example of modern fatherhood's challenges and triumphs. His journey offers essential insights into the importance of adaptability, shifting gender roles, and self-care. Batchelor underscores that vulnerability and a strong support network are indispensable elements for any father striving to be the best they can be. As society continues to evolve, his experiences will undoubtedly inspire other dads to navigate their unique journeys with resilience and empathy. For more on Thomas Batchelor's journey and other inspiring stories, tune into the Dads with Daughters podcast. Fathers seeking support can also explore resources offered by Fathering Together.   TRANSCRIPT Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]: Welcome to dads with daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast, where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughter's lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Every week. I love being able to talk to you, to walk with you, to be here in solidarity, together, talking about fatherhood, working through the journey that we're both on in raising our kids. And I say it's a journey because it truly is a journey. It is a journey that each of us goes on every day and we are going to be learning something every day, learning something about ourselves, learning something about the, the person that we are, the person that we're becoming, but also learning about our kids, what they're becoming. And we then have to pivot. We have to adjust. We have to learn to be able to be the best dads that we wanna be. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]: And that's important. And that's why this podcast exists. This podcast exists to be able to be that resource for you, to help you along that journey. And I'll be honest, as I've gone through this with you, I've learned so much from all of you, but I've also learned so much from all the guests that we've had on the show. And that's why every week I love being able to bring you different guests, different dads that have had different experiences, that can share those experiences with you so that you can learn, you can grow, and you can be able to take things from their own experience, put it into your own toolbox, and help you along the way. This week, we've got another great guest with us. Thomas Batchelor is with us. And Thomas is a operations and maintenance electrician for Shell Energy Australia, but he's also, more importantly, a father of 2. Christopher Lewis [00:01:55]: We're going to be talking about his own journey in being a father to his sons, but also some of the things that he went through in this journey to be able to be present, be engaged, and be there for his sons as they were growing and also some of the things that he learned along the way. So I'm really excited to have him here and for him to share his journey with you. Thomas, thanks so much for being here today. Thomas Batchelor [00:02:20]: Thanks, Chris. Thanks for having me. Christopher Lewis [00:02:21]: It is my pleasure. I love being able to talk to different dads with different experiences. And first 1st and foremost, one of the things that I love being able to do in our conversations is turn the clock back in time and you've got 2 sons. So I want to go all the way back. Go back to that first moment when you found out that you were going to be a father to a son. What was going through your head? Thomas Batchelor [00:02:40]: I thought I'd have it all under control. I thought, yeah, I've got my head around this and my kid will fit into my life, but it was far from the truth. And I learned pretty quickly that it's not a sprint. It's going to be a marathon type process and settle in because the life that you knew before has changed and you have to adjust to the new life that you've got now. And I think I did struggle with that. Christopher Lewis [00:03:04]: So talk to me a little bit about that because as you said, it's not a sprint, it's a marathon and you have to kind of learn along the way. And you've got 2 sons now, so there's definite learning that goes on there from child 1 to child 2. So So what were some of the first things that you really had to learn for yourself that really helped you to start that journey, but also to be able to transcend those first moments of being, let's say, a little bit trepidatious, a little bit concerned, and be able to get into the groove of fatherhood for yourself. Thomas Batchelor [00:03:37]: Yeah. I think going into it, I probably thought I had a sense of arrogance that I was I was across it all, and I wasn't gonna be any different to any of the other parents who were, you know, I'm gonna do it on my terms. And that didn't happen. We had a child who didn't wanna sleep. He was a challenging baby. Didn't wanna sleep. It was a real challenge, and it's been very humbling. And I'd say that the man I've become today and continue to keep growing is because of the challenges of having, I think, a difficult child. I think it's really helped me to just become more grounded and look more inwardly. And I've had such growth because of the challenges. I'm happy for that. Christopher Lewis [00:04:14]: You know, all of us go through challenges in different ways. Some of it goes into the type of child that you have and the the things that they push you into, but then there are challenges at times when internally you have to fight your own demons of the way that you were raised into figuring out the way that you wanna raise your own children. So each of us fights those pressures and that connection and that dichotomy that happens when you become a parent. So talk to me about that challenge for yourself and what you had to do to to be able to transcend and move beyond the initial challenge. And let's say it is the nonsleeping. I remember that. I had a child just like that. You, especially after, you know, 6 months, a year of that happening, you're walking around like a zombie and you you don't know which end is up and it impacts your relationships. Christopher Lewis [00:05:03]: It impacts everything. So talk to me about going through that, but also transcending that to be able to push through it, but to be able to also learn from it to help you to be the dad that you wanted to be now. Thomas Batchelor [00:05:16]: So I sort of just got my head down really. I thought to myself, if I can try and do as much as I can so I would try and do as much as I could to try and support my wife with the wake ups so she could have a better day. I had Oscar at home as my oldest boy. And I just continued to keep putting my head down. But then I was also trying to mesh in this social life as well. So I thought I could still go out with my mates. I thought I could still go and do all these things that I wanted to do, but still be able to be this supportive husband and the father that I wanted to be and I couldn't do it all. And that became quite an overwhelming thing and I had to really I'm a people pleaser and I had to really make sure that I now I probably only just got to the grips in the last couple of years that, you know, you have to say no to things and you have to make sacrifices because you have to get your priorities straight. Thomas Batchelor [00:06:06]: And I did bottom out, I'd say about 3 years ago. So I just ran out of steam really and the kids would have never have known. I was just doing what I had to do to get through but I wasn't enjoying the process. I wasn't present. I was making sure that I was doing the things I had to do as a father, but I wasn't enjoying it. It just wasn't an enjoyable experience. And I bottomed out, and I started becoming involved in groups of of particularly men who I would who I went away with. It was almost like an adult rite of passage. Thomas Batchelor [00:06:36]: I would go away and I'll speak about some of the challenges, obviously, throughout the course of my life and then obviously how it's impacting me as a father now and just really unpacking that. Just having more people to talk to, you know, more people to speak to who are also going through different struggles and just getting it out there. And that really helped me to put things into perspective and and know that I'm not alone. I don't know if you've heard the term the lone wolf syndrome. So that was something I idea. I just got my head down and I would go to the beach at 5 AM in the morning in winter and and run on the beach. I really hammered exercise to a point where it was unhealthy. And just to try and feel something, to try and, you know, get up before the kids got up. Thomas Batchelor [00:07:16]: I just burnt out. I just couldn't do anymore. And I feel like there's just been different phases of my life where I've had to lean into certain things by slowing things down and then speeding things up at time to try and get to where I need to be. And I feel like I'm really there now. I'm in a really good spot now. I'm actually starting to enjoy my time with my boys. And I'm really grateful for that because, I mean, I don't know how long I could have gone on for. I mean, I didn't wanna get to when the kids were 10, 11, 12 and go far out the whole time. Thomas Batchelor [00:07:44]: I've just been a servant, you know, and I haven't enjoyed the process. This is more it's about being a parent. So I'm grateful for where I am now. And it's it's a lot of hard work, but grateful for where I am now. So Christopher Lewis [00:07:55]: let's rewind a little bit because this process that you went through and this journey that you were on, it sounds like a roller coaster in regards to the highs and the lows and what you were pushing yourself to try to accomplish, but you weren't accomplishing. So you've gotten to a point now where you feel like you're in a good spot, but you had to have gone through some healing in some aspect. You had to have gone through some aspect to challenge yourself, to push you in a different direction. What did you have to do to be able to get off of that roller coaster? What did you have to do to be able to get on this new path that you were on? Because there are going to be dads that are listening right now that are on that roller coaster. They hear they heard what you just said and said, I feel that way right now, but I don't know how to get off. I don't know how to start on this different journey. Thomas Batchelor [00:08:47]: I think just submitting to where you're at and then asking for help. I think asking for help is the biggest thing. So getting the right people around you who can support you. And if that's not your close circle of friends because you're not there yet, I wasn't there yet. So you think about the people that you went to school with, the people that you work with, your family, you might not feel comfortable going to these people. And I do think that comes back to an upbringing thing and I raise my kids now to speak about their emotions and if they're feeling a certain way we really unpack it. I don't feel that was ever there for me as a child. So I feel like my child's emotional intelligence was actually better or as good as mine as a person who was in their mid thirties. Thomas Batchelor [00:09:30]: My boy at the time was 5, and his emotional intelligence is is really good. He can tell me how he's he's feeling, and, I mean, I couldn't do that as an adult. So I think you have to put your ego aside. You have to really be vulnerable. Vulnerable is probably the biggest word. And then you have to lean into there's plenty of support groups out there. So I went on a retreat with a guy called Mike Dyson, and he ran a retreat called the Good Blokes Retreat. So it was a bunch of like minded men, and we went away for a weekend. Thomas Batchelor [00:09:58]: It was all facilitated, catered for. It was in a beautiful part of Western Australia down the south region, and it was winter, and we just had real conversations. So I just get tingles running through my body now speaking about it because without that, that was the start of my journey. And then I sat with it, and it was really raw and it was tough for me to do, but I left there and I'm like, you know what? It just continued to gain momentum. And from that point on then I leant into other circles. So I spoke to my work colleagues. I spoke to my family. I spoke to the guys I went to school with and played sport with. Thomas Batchelor [00:10:35]: And then from that point on it was all out there and I basically said I can't and don't want to do this all on my own. You know, I want to be able to have the support of my friends and family to enjoy this process as much as possible. And the more that I lean into vulnerability, the more I look at my wife and my kids and feel that connection and that love because it works. It simply works. Yes. I don't know really what more to add to that, but it's been a journey and I'm happy that I'm here now. Christopher Lewis [00:11:03]: Now you and I were connected through Sarah McConachay, who Sarah wrote a book that you were a part of, that you contributed a chapter to. And in that chapter, you talk about a number of the things that you've already talked about already. And I think one of the things that I found really interesting was you talked a little bit about the fact that you mentioned in what you wrote that following instructions and helping out wasn't enough to handle the mental load at home. Can you elaborate on what you meant by the mental load and how you came to understand its impact on you and on your family dynamics? Thomas Batchelor [00:11:42]: Yeah. So I'd probably just take it back a little bit. During probably my lowest time, it was sort of when COVID hit. My wife was really busy at work and she's always thinking 2 steps ahead. You know, what's for dinner tonight? What's for dinner tomorrow night? Putting on washing. Just constantly thinking, kids' birthday parties. There's constantly things that I feel like in my relationship that the mom and the working mom has to think about so many more things. I don't know whether it's a male default setting because evolution has brought us to this point. Thomas Batchelor [00:12:11]: I do think that men are probably having to do more outside of their comfort zone now than ever, and maybe that's an to sit with our evolution for a little bit so our kids can see it, and then we can then take on some of that more of that mental load of all the things that the women talk about. So COVID came along. It was really tough for me, but my wife obviously continued to work and continued to do the home stuff. And I would do the home stuff. Don't get me wrong. I would I would help out and do as much as I could. After COVID, we said, right. We need we need to sort of slow things down here. Thomas Batchelor [00:12:41]: So my wife took a year off of study break. She went back and and studied her master's. And then she said, look, I'm going to start applying for jobs. And if I land a job as a in an executive position, then, you know, maybe I'll wind back at work and I'll have the year off to adjust. And then from that point on, we'll assess it. And I felt like I was a lot more comfortable being at home with the pace of home than sort of going to work and then having to adjust back to the pace of home. So I said, alright. So my wife ended up landing this position at at a at her work or she she applied for this position and got it. Thomas Batchelor [00:13:18]: And then I asked my work if I could have 12 months off work, and and they said yes, which was which was amazing. And then it was a steep learning curve. So this is where the mental load comes in. So the 1st 2 or 3 months, I remember thinking I was going along okay. And I went out for dinner with my wife about 2 or 3 months in. I said, look, how am I going? And she sort of looked at me and she was a bit reluctant to give me an answer. And I sort of said, what do you mean? She said, look, I just need you to start thinking for yourself now. You need to start thinking about what needs to be done versus what I tell you that needs to be done. Thomas Batchelor [00:13:51]: And so obviously it was a bit of a shock, but looking back now, she was correct. And it really took the full year, I think by about the 9 month mark, where I was like really gaining some steam then. I was thinking about, again, it was not for dinner tonight but for the next night, putting a load of washing on, making sure that things are away, just small things. So that's when I think I really became a benefit at home is when I could actually start to remove some of the mental load that my wife had. And I do think there's a lot of other women out there who have similar experiences. But it's I don't think it's a I didn't do it on purpose, but I'm a base now compared to where I was a year ago in regards to how I go about things at home. Christopher Lewis [00:14:36]: So as you think back to that and you think at the future, so you were talking about gender roles and how those changed in that period of time for you and your family. So how have gender roles and expectations evolved for you in your parenting? And how did you and your wife navigate them beyond that period? And how do you navigate them now? And what advice would you give to other families that are trying to find that balance? Thomas Batchelor [00:15:01]: I've always been a big supporter of my wife. So I've been with my partner since I was 16. We were both going to school together, and I've always been a big supporter of her. And she's very smart, and I've always thought that some of my life's work would be really supporting her in in being the best that she can be. I mean, I really thrive in seeing people that I love around me do well in life. I celebrate other people's victories, and my wife's one of them. So I think going into it, I was probably going into it with a bit of, I'll just I'm going to support my wife, but I really didn't think about all of the things that had to be done at at home and it was a challenge. And I'd say you just have to keep communicating with your partner and just gotta keep communicating and making sure that you're on the same page and you're both pulling in the same direction. Thomas Batchelor [00:15:48]: And the more, like anything with any job or any type of task, the more that you do it, the better that you become at it. And then the more that you can then focus on other things that you want to in life. Christopher Lewis [00:15:58]: In raising 2 sons, especially now in what you've learned yourself about gender roles, about the changing gender roles in family dynamics right now, how does that adjust the way that you think as a father? How does that adjust the way that you parent your sons as they grow into a world that will be even more different as they get into adulthood? Thomas Batchelor [00:16:24]: I've never really thought about the stereotypes as such that man does this, woman does that. I've never been that type of person. I think it'll be great to see in the future my boys of how they probably view it. It will be interesting. I think we're probably at this biggest change in a gender equality or gender stereotype roles more than ever. I do think that it will become the norm, I think, over the next 10, 20, 30 years. I think the numbers are still low. I think the numbers are still very low of men that stay stay home, but it is gaining traction. Thomas Batchelor [00:16:57]: But it's a hard job at home. It is a challenging job, but I think it's going to be great to see that, yeah, mom and dad are both capable of doing whatever they want in life. Christopher Lewis [00:17:05]: Now you mentioned the fact that you had an employer that was supportive of this journey that you went on to be able to be engaged at home and also support your partner in the new endeavors that she was endeavoring on. And not every business has done that or will do that. How important do you think it is for workplace policies and support systems to be put into place for families, for fathers, for parents in general to allow for them to have that work life balance that you talked about? Thomas Batchelor [00:17:42]: Very important. That year off really helped me to adjust. I think if I did it in a part time capacity, I think it would have been a real struggle for me. I think I need that year off to be able to, fully commit to the role, and then now I've adjusted back to 2 days a week. But, I mean, I was there for 12 years before I went on that year. So I've got a a wealth of knowledge, at the power station where I work, and I think it would be not wise to let a lot of that knowledge go. I mean, I feel like I fit really well in with my team and I'm a good team player. I'll help as much as I can where I can, but I do feel like leading into that year, I was having quite a lot of personal leave in regards to this appointment, that appointment. Thomas Batchelor [00:18:24]: And so now I'm back 2 days a week, work Monday Tuesday, and then a lot of those appointments are scheduled for Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. So I think for the employer, I think it's actually a really good idea because now I'm not impacting the business as much with some of the commitments that I have to with my kids. And I do feel like women probably get a roar end of the deal when it comes to this part time type scenario. My wife tried to work a part time, but it's it's full time work. I mean, they're having to jam a full time job into a part time capacity. I think we've got a long way to go there in regards to the working mum. And I still feel like there's probably with the men, it seems more attractive that a man would stay home and and have the time off, whether I think the women probably get held back a little bit more. I I do think it's we have to do more to support, I think, working mums in the workplace who work in a part time capacity. Thomas Batchelor [00:19:16]: So I feel like a lot of the stories out there out here is that the moms are having to do a full time load in a part time case, which is I don't think is fair. Christopher Lewis [00:19:24]: Now a number of the things that you talked about really revolve around that you've gotten to a point where you've identified for yourself the things that you need to be able to do to take care of yourself, but also your family. So I saw this in the piece that you wrote, but also in what you've said that there is a importance that you've placed on self care and communication that seems to be following you now and into the future. Could you share an example for me of how you've incorporated the self care now for yourself in this next phase of your journey of fatherhood and how you hope that that will help you to be able to be an even better father in the future? Thomas Batchelor [00:20:05]: Again, just getting my priorities straight. So making sure that I'm not saying yes to things that aren't serving me. I don't go out as much as I like to go out for a beer now and again, but I don't push it. So I'm not the guy who who comes home. I haven't got anything against people who want to come home late or they can do these things. If they can fit it all in, they can do it. I just can't do it. So I've got to make sure that I'm getting to bed at a decent time. Thomas Batchelor [00:20:28]: I'm eating a pretty good diet. I'm exercising regularly. I'm speaking to a psychologist. Just reaching out. I mean, just doing things. I mean, I'm helping in my community. I'll say no to certain things, but I'll say yes to other things, you know, other things that align with my values. And I mean, my priority is my family. Thomas Batchelor [00:20:47]: And if anything outside of that impact my role as a dad at home, then I have to say, I still struggle to say no. I'm a person that does like to please and does like to say yes. So I've got to keep working at that. And if I do that, then I feel like I'm in the place where I need to be. Christopher Lewis [00:21:03]: Now I always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood 5, where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready? Thomas Batchelor [00:21:10]: Yep. Ready. Christopher Lewis [00:21:10]: In one word, what is fatherhood? Thomas Batchelor [00:21:12]: Growth. Christopher Lewis [00:21:13]: Now when was the time that you felt like you finally succeeded at being a father? Thomas Batchelor [00:21:18]: When I started getting full night sleeps. Christopher Lewis [00:21:21]: I remember those times. Now, if I was to talk to your boys, how would they describe you as a dad? Thomas Batchelor [00:21:26]: I would like to say that they think I'm funny, that I'm active, that I'm very supportive of their journey, that they feel safe. I do feel the love and affection from my boys. So I'd like to think that they would think I'm doing a okay job. Christopher Lewis [00:21:41]: 10 years from now, what do you want them to say? Thomas Batchelor [00:21:43]: I want them to be able to come to me if they have something going on in their life and say, dad, I need help. And if it's not from me, it has to be from another good man. I do feel like my role as a father is to shepherd them through life and to try and open up as many doors as I can. And if some of those doors they don't want to explore, that's fine. But I really do want to feel like that they can, when they have those bumps along their journey, that they can either speak to me or men like me. Christopher Lewis [00:22:12]: Now who inspires you to be a better dad? Thomas Batchelor [00:22:14]: Other dads. I say just other dads. Other dads who are going through the same things that I'm going through. I walk through the school grounds and I see the way that dads interact with their kids and that inspires me. I really like seeing that. Christopher Lewis [00:22:26]: Now you've given a lot of pieces of advice today, things for people to definitely consider and think about and see how they can incorporate that into their lives. As we finish up today, what's one piece of advice you'd want to give to every dad? Thomas Batchelor [00:22:38]: Just be vulnerable. Speak about the challenges. Just try and be vulnerable. And that's all I can really say. Just be vulnerable. If you can be vulnerable and open and honest about where you're at, then I think most things will flow there. Christopher Lewis [00:22:51]: Now, Thomas, I mentioned that you are a part of Sarah McConachie's book. We'll put a link in the notes today so people can read your story and check that out. If people want to find out any more about you, is there a best place for them to go? Thomas Batchelor [00:23:02]: I suppose you could go to LinkedIn or I have got a Facebook account. I'm quite new to all this, so I've enjoyed it. So I don't really have anything else. I'd say probably just reach out to me, and if you want any more of my journey or any of the support groups or just to chat, then I'm always welcome to have a chat with someone who's struggling or just needs a ear to listen. Christopher Lewis [00:23:24]: Well, Thomas, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your journey, the highs and the lows, and I truly wish you all the best. Thomas Batchelor [00:23:31]: Thanks, Chris. I appreciate it. Christopher Lewis [00:23:32]: If you've enjoyed today's episode of the dads with daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the fatherhood insider. The fatherhood insider is the essential source for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most dads are figuring it out as they go along, and the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step roadmaps, and more, you will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fatheringtogether.org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the dads with daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today. Dads with daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week. All geared to helping you raise strong and powered daughters and be the best dad that you can be. Christopher Lewis [00:24:31]: We're all in the same boat, and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your a game. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. The world. Choose them. Be the best dad you can be. You're the best dad you can be.

In the second half of our conversation, Brian Anderson continues to captivate with his heartfelt reflections on fatherhood and personal growth. With disarming honesty, Brian shares pivotal moments from his journey as a father - from early missteps to profound realizations about unconditional love. His story of founding Fathering Together emerges as a powerful testament to turning personal challenges into a force for collective good, and his passionate advocacy for 'servant leadership' in fatherhood offers a refreshing perspective on modern masculinity. Brian leaves us with practical wisdom for fathers, emphasizing open communication and joyful engagement, resonating with a deep commitment to nurturing a new generation of compassionate, self-aware fathers.BioBrian Anderson is a husband, father, and gender equity advocate. In his professional life, he's the Director of Foundation Relations for i.c.stars. His side hustles and projects include being the Co-Founder and Board President of Fathering Together where he writes and speaks on the importance of dads living connected lives. He's worked with dozens of companies and hundreds of dads to translate their professional skills into home-life strategies. In his personal life, you can find him building Lego structures, cooking, and writing stories with his two daughters. In September 2022, he published his first book, Fathering Together: Living a Connected Dad Life, which lays out servant leadership as a model for fatherhood.WebsiteInstagramX

In today's episode, I'm thrilled to be joined by Brian Anderson, who generously shares his remarkable journey of resilience, service, and redefining modern masculinity. With raw candor and infectious humor, Brian recounts pivotal moments from his Hoosier roots to the front lines of social work in Anchorage - from the heartbreak of losing two close friends at a young age to discovering his passion for servant leadership. I'm struck by the profound impact of Brian's father, whose steady presence and unconditional love laid the foundation for Brian's own evolution as a compassionate change-maker unafraid to step through the "open door" of adversity. Brian's hard-earned wisdom shines through as he reflects on the perils of burnout and the sustaining power of friendship. He leaves us with a poignant reminder to pace ourselves, seek out mentors, and always nurture the bonds that carry us through life's trials.BioBrian Anderson is a husband, father, and gender equity advocate. In his professional life, he's the Director of Foundation Relations for i.c.stars. His side hustles and projects include being the Co-Founder and Board President of Fathering Together where he writes and speaks on the importance of dads living connected lives. He's worked with dozens of companies and hundreds of dads to translate their professional skills into home-life strategies. In his personal life, you can find him building Lego structures, cooking, and writing stories with his two daughters. In September 2022, he published his first book, Fathering Together: Living a Connected Dad Life, which lays out servant leadership as a model for fatherhood.WebsiteInstagramX

On Episode 75 of the podcast, co-hosts Jasmine Torres Allen and Nathan Fink talk about Father's Day, what it means to us, and together unpack generations of fatherly influence. And later veteran, father, and  Executive Director of Fathering Together, Cordan James Haveron  joins the show to discuss fatherhood as a learned behavior and how the choices we make builds self-esteem, supports better partnerships, and can create positive generational change. Support the Show.LISTEN on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. Ask your smart speaker to play NH Family NOW!

Dr. Chris Lewis, Director of Graduate Programs at the University of Michigan, Flint, joins Mallory Willsea live from the NAGAP GEM Summit. They dive into the impact and insights from Dr. Lewis's extensive podcasting experience, both personally and professionally. With a focus on enhancing student engagement and recruitment, Dr. Lewis shares how his podcast, 'Victors in Grad School,' has become a strategic tool in connecting with and guiding prospective students.Key Takeaways:Podcasting as a Strategic Tool: Dr. Lewis leverages his podcast to answer frequent queries from students, effectively using it as a platform to guide and inform prospective and current students.Personal Journey to Professional Impact: Starting from a personal desire to share his experiences as a father, Dr. Lewis has expanded his reach to influence the higher education space, particularly in graduate studies.Content Utilization Across Platforms: Insights from podcast episodes are repurposed across digital channels, enhancing accessibility and engagement with university content.Success Through Storytelling: Sharing compelling stories, like that of a first-gen student turned physics professor in Australia, underscores the transformative power of education and mentorship.Sustaining Engagement: Consistency in content delivery and adapting to listener feedback are critical for podcast growth and impact.Measuring Impact: Dr. Lewis discusses the challenges of quantifying the direct impact of podcasts but highlights the importance of gradual growth and listener engagement as indicators of success.Guest Name: Dr. Chris Lewis, Director of Graduate Programs at the University of Michigan - FlintGuest Social: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drchristopherlewis/Guest Bio: Christopher A. Lewis, Ed.D serves as the Director of Graduate Programs at the University of Michigan - Flint. He is also the host of the Victors in Grad School podcast, amongst a number of other podcasts, including SA Voices from the Field and Dads with Daughters. Christopher is the President of the Rotary Club of Williamston Michigan and is the Treasurer of the Williamston Community Schools Board of Education and was honored recently as a Pillar of the Profession from the NASPA - Student Affairs Administrators in Higher Education Foundation. He also co-founded an international organization called Fathering Together which supports fathers in being engaged members of their children's lives. - - - -Connect With Our Co-Hosts:Mallory Willsea https://www.linkedin.com/in/mallorywillsea/https://twitter.com/mallorywillseaSeth Odell https://www.linkedin.com/in/sethodell/https://twitter.com/sethodellAbout The Enrollify Podcast Network:The Higher Ed Pulse is a part of the Enrollify Podcast Network. If you like this podcast, chances are you'll like other Enrollify shows too! Some of our favorites include Generation AI and Confessions of a Higher Education Social Media Manager.Enrollify is made possible by Element451 — the next-generation AI student engagement platform helping institutions create meaningful and personalized interactions with students. Learn more at element451.com. Connect with Us at the Engage Summit:Exciting news — Mallory will be at the 2024 Engage Summit in Raleigh, NC, on June 25 and 26, and we'd love to meet you there! Sessions will focus on cutting-edge AI applications that are reshaping student outreach, enhancing staff productivity, and offering deep insights into ROI. Use the discount code Enrollify50 at checkout, and you can register for just $200! Learn more and register at engage.element451.com — we can't wait to see you there!

Today's Dads with Daughters' podcast featured some amazing guests. actor, pastor and father, Aqeel Ash-Shakoor and his daughter Jaylah Ash-Shakoor. The discussions revolved around their experiences, highlighting the integral role of fathers in daughter's lives, and providing valuable lessons for dads everywhere.  **A Father's Protective Instinct and Balancing Parenthood with a Career** When Aqeel learned he was about to become a father to a daughter, he felt a profound sense of responsibility and protectiveness. He reflected on his initial desire to have a daughter and shared the powerful moment of witnessing her birth. Aqeel also discussed the concerns fathers often face, particularly when it comes to protecting their daughters in a world that can sometimes be unkind. Balancing a busy career with involved fatherhood, Aqeel emphasizes the importance of prioritization, with a three-rule mantra: 'God, family, handle your business.' **The Importance of Father-Daughter Relationships** Jaylah spoke candidly about the evolution of her appreciation for her father's protective nature. As she transitioned into adulthood, she understood the value of having a supportive dad and recognized the unique challenges that come with the territory. Aqeel and Jaylah mutually stressed the significance of a father's presence and guidance in shaping a daughter's sense of self and decision-making abilities. **Communication and Trust - Key Pillars of Parenthood** A crucial topic discussed in the podcast revolves around the essence of communication in building strong father-daughter relationships. Aqeel and Jaylah highlighted the need for clear dialogue, understanding, and a foundation of trust. They emphasized that parents must believe in their children's capabilities and support them in carving their own paths, even when they diverge from expectations. **Building Confidence and Resilience** Aqeel shared an affectionate account of fostering confidence in Jaylah. He recounted his efforts to instill resilience by encouraging her to embrace challenges, including navigating self-doubt at her new school. This mirrors in Jaylah's own aspirations for impact and influence in her endeavors as an influencer and entrepreneur. **The Ash-Shakoor Legacy of Individualism and Success** Aqeel's humble beginnings and his vow at nine years old to achieve success laid a foundation for his parenting approach, focused on teaching his children to believe in themselves without excuses. Jaylah spoke of her father's imprint on her ambition, the value of taking charge, and owning the room, attributing her confidence to the freedom her parents granted her. In conclusion, this episode serves as a powerful testament to the deep bonds, challenges, and triumphs within father-daughter relationships. It's an encouragement for dads to embrace their unique journey with their daughters, supporting them to reach their full potential, and leaving a legacy of love, respect, and understanding. TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]: Welcome to Dads With Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to the dads with daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week, I love being able to sit down and talk to you about the journey that you are on with your daughters. Doug. It is a exciting time. It is a important time, and it is so important for you to be actively engaged in your daughter's lives And being willing to learn along with her and going on this journey along with her as well. Every week, I also love being able to have different people, different people to share their experiences. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:56]: We've had dads on the show. We've had moms on the show. We've had Other people with tons of resources that are sharing those resources with you. And there are special moments when I have an opportunity to be able to have a Father and a daughter on the show, and that's today what we're going to be doing. Today, I've got 2 great guests with us. Reverend Dr. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor is with us today, and his daughter, Jaylah, is with us as well. And I'm really excited to have them here today to talk about Their journey as father and daughter and to learn more from them. Aqeel, Jaylah, thanks so much for being here today. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:01:35]: Thank you much. Thank you. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:01:36]: No problem. Thank you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:38]: Well, I really appreciate you both being here. And I guess first and foremost, I wanna turn the clock back in time, Aqeel. I want to have you go back. I wanna go all the way back. I wanna go back to that first moment that you found out that you were going to be a father. To a daughter. What was going through your head? Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:01:55]: Wow. Amazing. That is a trip down memory lane. I will say that. So the journey goes like this. My first son, which is the oldest, his name is Jabriel. And so when I was in the marine corps serving active duty, the One of my gunnery sergeants had a little daughter, and, I was just so marveled that she was, like, 2 years old. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:02:15]: But she was so affluent, and her Noah. Was just incredible. She can carry on the conversation. I just was, like, from there, so I kept asking him, like, what are you guys doing? He just said he just told me that lesson. Just don't talk baby talk to them when they get older. So I had that in mind, but at the same time, our 1st child was a son. And let me tell you something. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:02:34]: I think I forgot all about no That I wanted a girl first. So here we are. We're living in Hollywood, Florida. And I tell you, we came home, and I realized that, wow, No. It's finally happening. We've had we're here to have a girl. It was like, wow. Based off of my mother, my mother had boy, girl,. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:02:53]: Which I have been the oldest, and my sister was the youngest. And so I definitely wanted to complete that, at least have a girl and a boy in this lifetime. And now here it was. We're about to bring this little thing right here that we call Jaylah into the world, and it was just Nuts. So amazing. I can still see standing in the delivery room now, and even our oldest son was standing at the foot of the bed too. No He was witnessing her coming into the world as well, and that is just I'm doing a poor job being able to put it into words because I can never find the words for that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:27]: Now I hear from a lot of fathers that especially with daughters that there are times where the There is fear. There's fear in raising daughters, and I hear that a lot from a lot of dads. And I guess for you, what was or is your biggest fear In raising a daughter. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:03:44]: Okay. We already get to the beat of this thing already. Yes. So my daughter and my wife contend that It is the same raising girls as it is boys, and I contend that it's not. There's a lot of protectiveness And no fault of her own, but I just I have always just felt like, you know, that hedge of protection. If I can't be there, no I'm always worried even when she was away in college. From walking through the house at 2 o'clock in the morning, and I think about it, she gets a call at 2 AM in the morning. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:04:20]: And still sometimes now. And she may say, daddy, what in the world is going on? I said, oh, nothing. I'm good now. I just needed to hear your voice. But you just always wonder about something happening. And I and maybe we shouldn't think that way, but, You're just always wondering. With the boys, I feel like the boys, can handle themselves, but, you know, the daughter, the the daughter is everything. She you know, you think of her being left unprotected with no covering. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:04:49]: And, You know, and I gotta tell the truth here. And, you know, Chris, when we think about who we were as little boys, we understand why we were about our little girls. So Definitely. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:02]: And, Jaylah, how does that make you feel? Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:05:04]: Well, you know what? Honestly, if you had been asking me this question probably about about 4 years ago. I'd probably laugh and just think it was a joke. But, in all seriousness, I think now, having grown into, Domino's. A woman. I do think that it's it's very interesting because it's true to it. You know? And I think the older you get, the As a young lady, you start to see the world more. You see men like that. You know? You see me and dad's age. You actually you work with some of the men on dad's age and just in that male group, and you start to pick up on how men think, How they speak, how they view themselves, and how they view others, and women as well. It it does as a woman, I feel like When you get older, it does make you, be a little bit more grateful for that. And I've had the Different, friends and associates and different groups who grew up without fathers, and dads or or what have you. And it's very interesting the To hear the difference in the response to that question. So when you're younger, you always think, oh, oh, sure. You know, if I didn't have my dad, my dad's just controlling me. But now looking back, it's like, wow. You know? If you know, fathers need their daughters, and daughters honestly need their fathers. Yeah. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:06:26]: They really, really, really do. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:27]: Now, Aqeel, 1 question that I have to throw out your way is that you're a busy guy. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:06:33]: Yes, sir. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:34]: And you and I were joking about this before we started today, but you dip your toe in a lot of different water, And you've done a lot of different things in your career. And I guess first and foremost, I wanna what I wanna get into here is the Being as busy as you are, there's a balance that has to happen that you have to have in your life the To be able to be that dad that you wanna be. Talk to me about that road that you had to walk for you to be able to Balance the things that you had going outside of the house, outside of the family unit, and how you balance that with What you wanted to be as a person inside the family unit. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:07:17]: It's easy now that I'm already doing it, and I know the pattern that I set with the children. And I have what we call a three rule priority, and that three rule priority keeps me well balanced. And it goes, god, the Family handle your business. God family handle your business. God, family, handle your business. I am a no nonsense guy when it comes to my family is everything with me, And I teach them all the same. You can do everything in the world. And I hope I'm not jumping a gun here, but they were all raised. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:07:54]: Can't is not in the vocabulary. The I'm trying is not in the vocabulary. You're either doing it or you're not, and you can do. I'm a father that Not just saying cliche is that you can do whatever you wanna do. I'm a realist by saying, no. You can do it if you want to do it. That's just it. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:08:14]: But god, family handle your business. We don't compromise that at any point in life. No And so whether if I get a call and I'm on the road, it's god, family, handle your business. That's how it goes. And it's really as simple as that. And I I even, when I Council people. I talked to him about the same thing, and amazingly, it works. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:33]: And, Jaylah, I guess, as you hear that and, the You know, you think back to being raised in a family that is instilling that in you. Talk to me about what that was like for you as a the Young girl moving into womanhood, becoming a woman, now reflecting back on what you have been taught and how that's helped you or hindered you either way the In helping you to become who you are today. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:08:56]: So, actually, I do love that question because it is twofold. So based the what my dad was explaining is we have always in our household, even with the boys, made it about god. God is the center of everything. He's the head of everything. So the 1st father of the family is always gonna be god, and that relationship is very important because as I'm sure you know, because, you know, you explained you have the Children or child as well. You know that parenting has also been said to be very difficult as well. And having god at the the of everything. Sometimes when you don't understand your children or specifically your daughter, you look for answers too. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:09:34]: So it's not just us as daughters wanting all the answers like, the Why does my dad understand? Like, he doesn't get it. Mom, but she gets it, but dad just won't get it. I really feel like, you know, god holds the answers to relationship building. And a big part of relationship building is the communication piece. I feel like that's where a lot of times, daughters, when they're the Being raised, it's that communication piece. It's why won't dad understand me, or does dad understand me? And then vice versa, does my daughter understand what I'm the because this one thing to say, it it sounds good and and it does come off well, but a lot of time, there's a age gap as well where it's a disconnect. We're still trying to be kids. We're wanting to do what what's going on out in the world, especially when you attend, like, public schooling. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:10:21]: You're faced with different things every day, and the It's tempting, but god being the head and the center of everything is always what kinda draws you back to your roots, the Which in the end, goes based off of how you're raised, you're teaching. And so fast forward to now, it's very eye opening because everything I do in my daily life, it always the back to this one lesson that my dad taught me, and it's to take charge. And now when he first started saying this to me, I think I was probably midway through college. And every time I call them, I'm pumped. I'm in the mood. I'm in the the and I'm like, I'm gonna go ahead here. I'm gonna kill this interview, dad. I got the job or what have you. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:11:01]: And he's always like, listen. The I have nothing else to say. Say your prayers, you know, talk to god about it, and take charge. So recently, you know, it really has been on my mind, and I'm like, the What does it really mean to take charge? You know? And I just feel like as a as a as a female and, you know, as a woman and as a daughter, the To me, it's like owning the room that you're staying in. Whatever room you enter into, own the room. Like, the Like, you don't even have to know my name, but you should get the vibe of what I'm about, who I am, and the value that I hold. But so I think that a lot of times, dads, the They really bring that that foundational piece where it's like, take charge. Like, I am who I am, and I'm owning the room, well spoken. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:11:44]: The Like, you wouldn't even have to know my dad to know that I come from good raising just by speaking to me. So that's just, you know, a little bit of of of basically just his teachings and how They started to affect me over the years into now as, you know, a woman. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:11:59]: You know, Chris, can I just add to that? I'm fighting back the Tears right now. So you're about to get some real tears. I tell you, just hearing that is what every parent wants to hear, all the lessons that you've given in life. And what I have attempted to do, not build a machine, but and by god, this is not excluding my wife. But what I'm saying is is that Doug. What I have attempted to do is to lead by exam. And what I mean what I mean by that is if they see. And they've seen me not use excuses for where I am and the conditions that I'm in that can't work. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:12:36]: Then if I show them that it's possible, that and that's all it is. So I started to say, you know, how we had that phrase, think outside the box. The Well, every time I find those cliches, I add to it. So instead of thinking and and instead of me raising them to think outside the box, I tell them to think beyond the outside of the box. You see, because thinking outside the box has a limitation because once you're outside the box, you stop thinking. So I want you to think beyond the outside of the box, and then You create such a situation that you go from believing to knowing in God that it will work. Now we're not. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:13:13]: Not even talking about manifesting it, but I I stick to if you create it in your mind and you see it in your mind, You can do it, and it happens. And I'll I'll probably end up touching up on that a little bit more. So even to hear her talk, under and I'll I'll back off here, but I didn't have that Great confidence I had like that in school even though I was popular playing sports and everything. It wasn't until I got into the marine corps and got all around the world that I Had to build this up. And so what I realized was that you can be very confident and very assured in yourself without being conceded, and that's what I wanted to instill in them. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:49]: So, Jaylah, let's reflect back then. How did your dad help you to find that confidence in your life? You talked about that the In college, it really kind of clicked. But think back to as you were younger and you were growing up with your brothers, what did Aqeel do to be able to help you to find that confident? And I know it's not just Aqeel because I know your mother as well, and I know that she is a part of the team. But talk to me about what your dad did specifically to help you to find that confidence to be the person that you are today. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:14:21]: I Can't honestly say I think it has a lot to do with the freedom of individualism. Parents, you guys talk a lot about the How it's different raising all of your children, whether they're boys or girls, is gonna be different for each one given being their personalities. So I think the the Freedom to have whatever personality we chose was the biggest thing for me. Like, I was more so of you know, I was the only girl. I'm the middle child, the And I was just full of personality. I'm singing this day bouncing all across the house. The next day, I wanted to run outside and be with the boys, and the I really think that it had a lot to do with giving us the freedom to experiment within our personalities. Dies. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:15:05]: And I didn't always get it right. Even, like I said, growing up, I started to have issues with my identity, like, just knowing who I was, being confident in who I was. The And I can say for females, we experience a lot of that due to going to puberty, a lot of things that. Take effect going into our teenage years and then our young adult years. A lot of it has to do with the Just the phases of becoming an adult. And so my biggest thing was growing up, went through this gap in this period of time where I was like, okay. The How do I become the young woman that I wanna be while also adhering to what god will want me to be, what the My parents will be proud of. Let's just be honest there as well. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:15:51]: For me, identity was a big thing, and it was just there were days when I was waking up, and I was just like, I'm just not seeing it. The Like, this can't be life. This can't be what it's like to kinda go through the phases of growing up and understanding who you are, and It took effect in my schooling. It took effect, at home, and there were issues there. But, you know, one thing about it is I think that the As parents and specifically having my dad around always since day 1 is that to feel like you're not left alone. The I think that's the biggest thing for me. Just having that male figure to know, like, your love, your light, that I'm not gonna give up on you because it's very easy. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:16:29]: I know. Plenty of females who have dads, but their dads aren't there. I feel like not a lot of people talk about this. When we talk about, you may have a parent physically, But are they there? Are they hearing you? Is there a connect? So definitely freedom of individualism and that room to grow, the room to make mistakes, Learn from your mistakes. Once you hit that age bracket where it's kinda like, yeah, dad can't tell you what to do. Yeah. But, you know, with the help of god, god is is gonna shape you up and the Lead you to where you need to be and definitely give you some lessons when you're drifting off a little bit. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:17:04]: So she said something very important. It's always been a practice of mine that Not that I didn't care about them making mistakes. The rule was I'm not concerned about if you make mistakes as long as you can give me the The evidence of why you chose what you chose. So that that gives them the freedom. So if they if they did something and even It wasn't right. I wanted to hear the plan to how they got there, what made them what made them and have a reason behind what they did. And that allowed them the freedom to discover the world and life, but it also helped them start decision making. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:17:42]: And then I was the crazy, father knows best kid, parent. You know? My thing was And then sometimes I would literally put it in their hands and let them choose the punishment, and that worked. And god blessed us with 3 beautiful children that Sometimes they even know if they said a punishment, they go, oh, not. That's not justified by what I did. And so it worked that way, And then I had to play a few marine corps games on them. Sometimes I'd storm through the house like I'm about to tear everything to pieces, and then that did it enough. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:18:13]: And I just turn around and walk away, and it leaves them thinking, oh my god. And the next time, I'm just quiet. So, you know, it's to keep it all balanced because, Again, we have to raise our children in such a way that it also presents the world. I didn't wanna be overboard. I'm sure they can probably name sometimes. They probably thought I was overboard, but If anything, I'll say this in a back off again. So much comes to mind. But I always told our children and I even told my wife. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:18:37]: I said, listen. And I know this is harsh,. But I'd rather you hate me or dislike me for guiding you the right way than to love me for letting you do what you want to do And knowing that's not Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:50]: the best way. I love that. Now, Jaylah, as I said before, your parents are both people that are involved in lots of different things. They have tried lots of different things, done lots of different things, and I know that, and I mentioned that already. So I know that they have had a lot of dreams for themselves, the A lot of dreams for you. How did they instill in you to be a dreamer for the life that you want for your life? Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:19:14]: You know, I feel like maybe that is the Probably the trickiest question you've asked me in this whole time. And I say that only because I do think that as the Time goes on, we have to be honest that the world changes. And the way that life is set up now is not how life used to be set up. And I do think that now, like, for me specifically, I have what they would call bigger dreams. And, like, back then, I'm sure you guys can relate. Back then, you were just wanting to be something. Like, man, I just gotta make I came up this way or I came up that way, and all I wanna do is be successful. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:19:50]: I need to have a good job to just be able to pay the bills, and that's great. But for me, personally, I the Honestly had bigger genes beyond my career, and I always like to make sure that there's a big differentiation. The Because what I do every day on the physical place that I go to, which in my case would be the bank, it's bigger than that. And I have to even Darcy. People at work. Like, you see me showing up. I'm gonna be punctual. I'm a be on time. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:20:15]: I'm gonna be here. I'm a be ready to work, but let's not get it twisted. There's more to Jaylah. The So right now in my life, I'm really big on my influencer type of world, and I have started now the Trending with these videos where I post, you know, where I'm getting ready for work. And I think, you know, the other day, I was thinking and I said to myself, No. I said, isn't that something that for someone else looking on the outside end, they'd see it as or I mean, you're just making videos. But for me, I was It's actually deeper than this. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:20:42]: Like, I actually gotta wake up and be on time. So for me, I'm like, look at the lessons. Look at those small lessons the that follow you. You know? And dad and, you know, my parents, they've always been big on show up on time. It says a lot about you. And let's be real. No. Every day, we don't always we're not always perfect, but it tells a lot about who you are and what you're about. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:21:04]: And so I said, It's also a form of discipline. So there's something that I really want beyond just my career that has a lot to do with the Renewal my state. Then it's very much possible that one day I can actually be in business for myself, whether that's a company, whether that's the Getting myself paid directly without there being a middleman. So those are my bigger dreams. Right now in my life, as I approach 25, the I'm very well focused on using my corporate job to get me to where I need to be from the individual standpoint. And As you can see for yourself, that's what my parents are about as well. Everything that they do, they wanna be impactful, but it's also it's them acting as an influencer. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:21:45]: People sometimes attach to you based off of how you influence others. So you have the option. You can be a bad influence instead of influence others, the Or you can choose to be a great influencer and be of something worth value. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:57]: And Aqeel, I guess as you hear that and you think about what the Intentionally, you did to try to help your kids to realize those dreams. Talk to me about that. What did you try to do On a daily basis, on an annual basis, on a yearly basis, or just in a day to day life to help your kids to be able to the Push them to think about those dreams in different ways. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:22:19]: So one of the things I did, I actually had a historical African American book set that I actually purchased that probably about no 3 or 4 years prior to even our 1st child born. And then each year, I just build on top of that. So the children were And when I say required, it was not the required where it was, like, mandatory. You have to read it by this time. It was that I always put a book in their hand. And it wasn't always like a African American history, but I'm very big on our culture, very big on self improvement. And so the other thing is having world knowledge. I developed this thing too that wherever I go, I always read something. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:22:59]: You don't have to read it all, But you just read. There are a lot of signs and pictures around. You just read it. If you just read 3 sentences off, maybe, like, 3 or 4 sentences off of it and move on, You'd be surprised how much knowledge you're you're gathering. And so and with each child just talking about our oldest son the other day. And so with that, including Jayla, so No. Our oldest son, it clicked for him. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:23:21]: He got cut from the middle school basketball team in, like, 7th grade. So 1st time we've had what they would call a failure. And so but when he came out, I was like, oh my god. Lord, I am not prepared for this. And so when he got in, I could see it all on his face, so I had to quickly come up with something. And what God gave me was, I asked him. I said, is there anything that you think that No. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:23:42]: You could have done better. And he just turned to me, and he was like, well, yeah. I mean, I I guess I coulda worked on this. And then I just simply said, No. Maybe that's it. Maybe that's the reason you didn't make the team. And something so small when I tell you that it No. His life in such a positive way that this kid never stayed in the house again. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:24:02]: He was always out doing it. Now kinesiology major, he's a fitness. He's a influencer. He started his own business, and we were talking about this the other day. He said that moment he told me he said that moment No. Really defined everything. With Jaylah, it was the same thing. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:24:19]: She talked about her identity. Well, oh, this was hard because Even with Jaylah, you talk about we moved from North Carolina to Michigan. She had only spent, like, 3 days in high school as a freshman, No. And then we moved here. So she went from a class of about or school for about, like, 300 to 400 kids and walked into eastern with about no 1700 kids, and she shut down. And I gotta say this. So then she wanted to transfer. And the very school that she wanted to transfer to, No. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:24:49]: Only being here a week ended up having a shooting. And then she said, no. I wanna stay at Easter. And so we just had to keep working with her and then instilling to her No. You are beautiful. And believe it or not, when you look at her now to whomever's looking at her, she struggled wondering, was she beautiful enough compared to a lot of her friends? And just having that confidence, and and that was it. So it was like, take charge. No. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:25:12]: You are who you are. You're more than what you think you are. Take your eyes off other people. And then the other thing is is that we want you to have a multiplicity of friends. We're not just locking down to one, culture, 1 race, 1 nationality, the influence. And so all of our children, I I guess that's us and them, No. Have that ability to connect to a multiplicity of people. And she has the personality like me. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:25:39]: She can walk into a field, and somebody would think No. That she was talking to a scarecrow, and she'd be talking to the ears of corn. And so that is the thing. Even down to our youngest son, he's a very factual person. So if you say, no. It's only 2 left. He's like, no. It's actually 2.13. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:57]: Now, Jaylah, you heard your dad just talk about the fact that, the You know, you tried to build your self confidence in the in the self confidence of both your brothers. And I hear that a lot the from other fathers that and I see it in my own daughters that today it seems like, the the The self confidence of a lot of daughters, but also the whether it's social media or other factors are the Definitely are making an impact on the self confidence that they have about themselves. As a influencer influencer yourself, the someone that has moved on with your life and have found some more of that self confidence for yourself. What do you say to other dads the About this, about how they can best instill that self confidence in their daughters. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:26:47]: So I would say, first and foremost, understanding that it can't just the be you. The daughter's confidence is not gonna just come from you solely. And I do believe that it's healthy, actually, the For a lot of dads not to feel attacked when, they do tell their daughters that they're beautiful, and their daughters just don't see it. The Let's just be honest. There will be many days where, you know, dads just just glorify. You are so beautiful. Oh my god. You're so smart. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:27:16]: The You're this and your dad is like, but that's not what the world's telling me. If I'm that, well, why am I not runner-up? You know? And I think that It's important to, again, to understand it. Like, let take me inside of your world and allow me to the See what you see as my daughter. And let's just be honest. Sometimes you gotta disassociate the father and daughter thing. Because even for you guys, as a dad, it's the Easy for me to sit here and say, you know, dad, you've been the best dad ever. Like, dad, you're so awesome. And, you know, for what my dad does in acting, it's like, the Imagine him going in in in in trying out or auditioning, for the top dad role. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:27:54]: The Let's just say he's everything. He's awesome. And I'm telling him, dad, you got that. Yo. You got it, dad. Trust me. There there is no dad talking you, dad. The And then he goes in, and they're just like, not quite. Something's just not you know, to him, it's like, the Hey. Well, my daughter's telling I'm the best dad. It don't get no better than me. But let's just be honest. There's there's these self, the tick boxes that we tend to check as individuals even. And so it does come with The mentality, and the self confidence. So it is about self at the end of the day. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:28:31]: And there are things that dads can do, the with words of affirmation, and actions of affirmation. So that is the biggest thing. Actions of affirmation, conquers all of the Them. You know, words sometimes feel good make us feel good, but actions are even better. So as as daughters, we don't always wanna, the You know, here that we're beautiful, you know, we wanna see it. You know? We wanna see it. Like, what does that mean to To to tell a daughter that she's beautiful, what do you see? You know? And for me, I feel like even too now in adulthood, I find the best value, in understanding also the things that I don't do well because I feel like that's honest. That's where that truth, Dom. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:29:15]: Comes from so my dad will tell you all the time, like, you know, if if if he gets on video chat with me or if he gets on FaceTime with me, And I'm just not having a good day. I had rolled out of bed. I hadn't combed my hair or anything. He's looking at me like, okay. What's going on? What is going on? This is not my daughter. The And for me, it's just you know, I just understand that that means, like, he sees me. He knows enough about me to know the When I'm having a bad day, when something just isn't there, and then he can go in and provide that reassurance. Like, you know, you're doing it well. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:29:47]: You're doing things right. The You know, it's just something that comes with, with life. So like I said before, 1st and foremost, understanding that the You guys' dads don't always have all the answers. Everything's not gonna be perfect. You can't just, you know, say a thing or two and make it all better. Just just the process. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:30:05]: That was amazing because, Chris, what I heard there and what I wanted to say, and it oh my gracious. It prompted Domino's. Is to understand that these things that she talked about make us great dads. So if we didn't have the if we didn't have the shy daughter, we didn't have the Going daughter. We didn't have the trouble daughter. We didn't have this type of daughter. We didn't have this. How would we grow? With the boys, we sorta got that. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:30:27]: Not that we have it all down pat, but no It's more relate With the girls, the girls are like mini wives. I know this is about dads and daughters, but I think about my wife. It's something that my wife tells them too, And she'll she'll tell me. And she'll just simply say, Jaylah, what I always say? And what does mama always say? And who's gonna tell you that it's not work? Who's gonna tell you that it don't look good? And it's a mentality that you take on. And so seeing her, just going at it and going after not just something, no But naming it and going after it, that make it's more than just proud. It lets us know that they are really coming into their own, And that's the most beautiful thing. It's not about whether you make multimillionaires or billionaires. The value in it is the success. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:31:15]: What they want to accomplish, not with mom and dad. And that was what we did even with schooling. No. You do not have to be around you. Be around us when you go to school. Get as far away as you want as long as they make plain as trains of automobiles, we're good. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:29]: So true. Now one of the things that I would love to hear from both of you is the In this relationship that you've built over the years, there are opportunities to be able to have things that the are unique to the 2 of you, things that you share together that are important to the 2 of you. What the Has been a favorite thing that the 2 of you share together that is unique to your relationship. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:31:55]: So, okay, one of the things is our craziness. No It's just something about when we get together, we're gonna cut up. It's just spontaneous. I was just telling them we were just down from my mother's funeral in December, And we were talking about I said, wow. I miss us not being able to just be in the kitchen and start singing, you know, because she loves to sing. And honest to god, I told her I I I remember telling her, like, this is some years ago. This is before she even left home. I told her I said, you know, you're my favorite singer. And she thought I was joking, but it's just something about when she sings. It's like, you're my favorite singer. And in church a couple of weeks ago, A lady visited, and she sung Eyes on the Sparrow. And that's the song that I love my daughter to sing. But when I tell you just No. Endless laughter. It's like nobody's trying to be pretty. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:32:41]: We're not trying to be framed up. We develop a space to where we can really Be ourselves. And I know that that's what we share, but I love to see her strength. I even love the pushback. I shouldn't have told her that here live, but I love the pushback because no It tells me again that she's growing, and it also tells me that she does respect me because that's something that I Theo. So my wife and I, we don't want them to think like us or to be like us. We want them to be way much better than us. And so no It that that's the that's the thing. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:33:14]: I just love the freedom to where we can be across the room, and I could just look at it. She look at me, and we can just bust out laughing because we already know what the thought And Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:33:22]: I'll add to that. Like dad said, you know, it's personality. I I know that you can agree to Christopher even with, you know, your daughter that the It it's a personality match thing. Sometimes as parents, I know you see a lot of, you know, yourselves and and your children. So Domino's. I think for us, we just like I said, we have just that down to earth relationship. It's not always perfect, because it's a learning the experience, but it's definitely one of those things where my dad's gonna look back even in the next couple of years. You know, as I approach 30, that's the but it's gonna be interesting for them. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:33:57]: It's gonna be fun, growing experience. And then even when I move on to have children, the Oh, it's definitely gonna be 10 times more interesting to see how my children take after the things that my parents have instilled Dom. So I just think that as life goes on, you you develop your own ways, but you also still it's like you never detach the From the parenting skills that have shown in how you were raised by your parents. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:23]: Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood five, where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you. And, usually, it's just a dad, but it's not gonna be just a dad this time. We're gonna ask both of you some questions. The So, Jaylah, I'm gonna start with you. In one word, what is fatherhood? Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:34:40]: I'll say accountability. That is a tough word. It can be so harsh, But I will say accountability. And I feel like accountability only because if you relate it back to the real world, the Accountability always reverts back to you as an individual. How does what you produce, or I should say your seed. What does it reflect about you? What does it tell about you? What does it tell about the things that you do well? What does it tell about the things that you the still need a little bit more help with. And so no matter whether it's the good or whether it's the, you know, not so good, it's a lesson in in itself, and it's the Always that room for growth and development as long as you're willing to take accountability within that process. In a queue? Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:35:26]: To my word normally, I wouldn't use this word, but with describing god, and I'm gonna say ubiquitous. And that is to be Uniquely who you are all the time, everywhere with the same power, with the same authority, and with the same strength. Because, Uniquely, no matter what, your family needs to see whom you are in all those situations. So whether it's hard, it's peaceful, it's stress They need to know, and I guess this goes back to the accountability part. They need to know, are you gonna stand on what you say you stand on. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:36:02]: Now, Jaylah, when was the time that you feel like your dad finally succeeded at being a father to a daughter? Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:36:08]: So I will say A few years back, gosh, I would have been, at that time, feeling middle school. I was in school and personality. Right? You know your kids, the All of them. And you know how they're different. So you know what they're capable of, what sounds like them, and what doesn't sound like them. And I've always been a talker in class. The Neither, you know, my brothers nor myself were the extreme disrespectful type, so we wouldn't be at school the Disrespecting adults. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:36:35]: That that's definitely not the case. So this particular incident, teacher calls dad specifically, And it's just, like, in a huge uproar. Like, Jaylah is just she is just is not there. She's being rude. She's just saying things. She's Noes. Just clown and all. She's acting like a pretty fool at school. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:36:57]: And, you know, as much as I in my head, I said to myself, and I remember the Telling my friends and my other cousins that went to the same school as me. I said, it's over with now. The teacher done spoke, so my voice don't even count. The When a teacher calls dad, it's just gonna be the adult's word, and I'm just gonna sit over here in the corner and deal with the consequences. But, Ashley, it actually didn't feel that way. He showed up, and, again, communication and understanding, Dom. He listened. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:37:24]: And then he also gave me the opportunity to speak. And for once, I felt heard, and I felt like my voice matters. So it also gave me the opportunity the To be honest, just let them know I just said, hey. This is the type of day that the Tisha was having. The Tisha was actually very frustrated. And based off what you taught me, You taught me that if this is the case, then this is what should happen. And in so many words, like he said, what we would call in 2024, the He stood on business, and he basically addressed the situation for what it was. We raised Jaylah to, first and foremost, always respect her adults, the But all actions can't necessarily be respected. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:38:04]: Because if you teach your children and you raise your children, the Follow underneath, you know, god's teaching and god's word. We know that even adults, like, all adults don't follow that pathway. We've had especially nowadays in time where teachers come to school and they're frustrated, they have realized, and they bring those burdens to school as well. And so that does affect sometimes how they incorporate that in education and being able to handle and deal with other people's children as well. And so he just touched a little bit on that and just said that these are the expectations that when we send our children to school, she's treated fairly. She's treated equally. The She's heard just as you would want your children to be heard. And for once, literally, in in in my younger younger days of living in middle school, I I felt heard, and I just I enjoyed that part of his fatherhood and him being able to be there for me and and give me a voice. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:55]: And what about you, Aqeel? The What's the time that you feel like you finally succeeded as a father to a daughter? Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:39:03]: I can't name a no Specific time write off. I'm sure if you gave me a little bit more time, but it it would be surrounding an incident just like this. And so in other words, when she when with the 1st or 2nd or 3rd time in a continuous behavior that she comes to me and has a conversation with me, and she says, dad, I'm thinking about doing this. No I wanna do this. I felt accomplished in because for your child and yes. And I would go on the limb and say, especially your daughter, to feel Even if she even though she has a little nervousness that she felt that freedom and that comfort to know that she can come and talk to you about something. And let's just say the hard topic. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:39:39]: Our daughters with boyfriends and guys they may like to come and talk to us about why they make certain decisions, why they may wanna make certain decisions, And it was beautiful. That was it. And, I think one other time is there maybe a b side to that. Right before Jaylah graduated with her bachelor's Northwood. She wanted a car. I may never forget this, and, she ended up posting on Facebook probably a year before, and I just happened to see the post. So I pick up the phone and I call her. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:40:09]: I go, so what's going on? It's like nothing, daddy. I said, yeah. So I saw this picture that you posted a car. So what's going on? The out of that came, she had been looking for a car, and I was like, woah. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:40:25]: Let's think about this. And so we talked that out. And lo and behold, the very next year, she still hadn't graduated. But She told me she said, dad, well, what she called me now, and we had this various conversation. What do you think about me buying a car now? And I so I told her. I said, well, listen. This is what's happening. I said, If you save your money, whatever you save, I'll match, and then we'll purchase a vehicle. Well, lo and behold, I met a gentleman that, you know, went at the dealership. No And, anyway, so through talking, I talked to him a price range and everything, and he said, oh, no problem. Well, the 1st car I sent No. Somebody ended up buying or they didn't wanna sell it or something to sometime. And, anyway, we found it again. So I said, well, Jaylah, I said, oh, I found one. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:41:04]: Nice car. It's clean. No lights on anything. And I said, I'm sure of this. I said, and here's the price. And she says, No. Okay. And I said, well, understand now. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:41:13]: You gotta pay tags, insurance. I'll handle all of that stuff part for you, but gotta have this. So do you at least have half of this? She says, oh, I'm good. I got that. I said, that didn't sound right. I was like, what do you mean you got that? She was like, oh, I'm good. I got that. I was like, you mean you got the Half of that? Or you say she's like, no. I got the whole thing. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:41:30]: And I was like Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:41:31]: Christopher, I didn't blink. Yeah. That's it. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:41:34]: Are you serious? So yeah. And so she literally bought And paid 4 in 4 her very first car. And that was when I that was another level then that I realized. No. So we didn't know that the day we dropped her off at college that she also started working probably that same week, And we didn't know that. She kept that as a secret, but I guess that business degree was really working. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:41:58]: I will add to that really briefly as we wrap up. It's very interesting because that was a very hard lesson in life, and I think this is really gonna wrap up our conversation surrounding dads with daughters and just fatherhood as the As a whole, is that I contemplated this so much because the rule of thumb was always you're not gonna get a job, you're the You're gonna focus on studies, what have you. And I sat in that room all night long, and I said, I gotta get a job. I gotta get a job. I can't do it. I gotta get this job. And so I said to myself, I said, I would be being rebellious because I would be getting a job with Doubt. Saying anything and doing it even though I know that that wasn't the expectation. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:42:43]: But I said to myself, I said, how cool will it be to prove the My parents, wrong, but also right at the same time. And just to touch base on that, the idea is that, you know, hey. You know, it gets the be overwhelmed. And when you work a job and you go to school at the same time, people typically don't do well. But I think that just showed how cool your specific children are when they are able to conquer that. So I remember I finished that semester, and the only thing I brought up was grades. And I say, you know what's gonna be interesting the It's to not only show them that I got the grades, but how I got the grades that I was working full time would say that. Dom. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:43:20]: It was honestly like a cool experience for me because for once in my life, I got a chance to prove that, yes, I get this was the plan, But, you know, I can be trusted. Like, I can work hard. That discipline is definitely to come. That won't be the the the first and last time that I may have to kinda, like, go a little bit around the parents, but in life, that's just how things end up sometimes. You don't expect, the You know, your children are go certain paths even like I said, for the oldest even, dad will tell you is just that we don't always go the route the that you think we're gonna end up going. But either way, we come out on top and success. And that right there, she that in a nutshell, that was exactly it. So allowing them the space to grow, to use their ingenuity, that's exactly what we taught them. So it was it's beautiful to know that was it. That's another level of showing that, oh, they really got it. They really understand the assignment. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:44:16]: Now, Jaylah, if I was to talk to you and your brothers. How would you guys all describe your dad? Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:44:21]: I would actually say disciplined, but meaningful slash the Purposeful. And just a little bit on that, I say strict slash discipline because his teachings, they seem harsh at first. The Sometimes they seem a little way out there and over, you know, over the top. They do they it does seem extreme, But I can honestly say it's so funny how it always comes full circle, and it has a deeper purpose behind it. And, you know, the oldest, he has become just this scientifically factual person just as well as the youngest. And for myself, I'm kinda in the middle. Like, I'm not, the You know, too big on the facts and the scientific behind it, but after I found I finished my master's of science degree, it really taught me how to look at things the or what they are in terms of experiment. And as you know, when you conduct the experiments, there's always these findings. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:45:14]: So why this calls this? And I think that just goes back to what you put in is a big result of what you get out. So a lot of the things that he has instilled in us has developed and got it a lot of what we put into things At full cycle, sure enough, it comes back the great results that we have seen to get throughout the journey of what we've been pursuing. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:45:40]: The Now, Aqeel, who inspires you to be a better dad? Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:45:42]: Life has just really done that. Having grown up the oldest of 2 children, you know, I say these people, they start laughing because No. Know my story. Well, my children do it. I just say and my wife. And I say my biological parents, they separated and divorced when I was 6 or 7 years old, And I watched my mom do it. And my mom would literally go to work and survive off of. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:46:04]: Was it 25, 35¢ nabs and a soda? And I never knew that for all my life, but she always made sure we had. But she the one thing that she always said, she told my sister and I, she says, don't ever let me hear you say you hate your dad because No. She said your father. She says regardless of what happens between us, your father is still your father, and that reigned with me through my life. And so it has always been with me because psychology tells you that you're basically No. Gonna be like your parent, or the guy's gonna the man is gonna be like your father. And my father has some strongholds, and I didn't partake in those. No. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:46:47]: And I remember being older, maybe about in my thirties, and there was another psychologist who was taking, we were in academy, and he said this And I rebelled. I said, that's not true. I said, I don't smoke. I don't drink, and I have a great relationship with my family. So I said, Dom. That's not always true. So who inspires me to be better? My family. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:47:10]: The last thing I wanna do is fill my family, wife included. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:47:15]: Now you both have given a lot of pieces of advice today, a lot of things that, have helped both of you in the journeys that you've been on together. Jaylah, as we finish up today, what's 1 piece of advice you'd wanna give to every dad? Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:47:27]: Be you. And I would say to be you because there's nothing worse than the A dad getting frustrated because he can't feel another dad's shoes. When you trust the process and you you learn to be the dad that You're supposed to be. Everything works out in the end. I feel like a lot of fathers go wrong when, you know, they follow that the Society's idea of I'm gonna be the number 1 dad, number 1 super dad. It's always it's been like that for years. There's always been that, You know, that box where there's, like, dads have to be perfect. Like, I've gotta be perfect dad. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:48:04]: I've gotta be the dad that's just super nice and sweet all the time. I can't say anything. I can't discipline. I just gotta be perfect. I've gotta be light. And my dad touched on that a little a little bit earlier too is is, You know, you don't always wanna be the dad that's liked because I almost wanna bet you that you're probably not gonna get the best results always being the dad that's liked. So, yeah, to just be you. Haniqeel? Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:48:26]: I think it goes just in those 2 words. I think when we look at that, and I'm sure you can relate to this, the Just in hearing dad versus your child or your daughter saying, this is my father, it does something right here in in in your the spirit right in your heart because a father is everything that we've talked about in this interview. That's not a dad. And so as Jaylah just said, no. I've never attempted to be like another man. I always think Beyond the outside of the box. And I wanna make the mold for myself, and everybody's position is unique. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:49:04]: And so I wanna be uniquely me and improve on me daily, and so I Do Continue to develop ways to better myself and my family. And so still to this day, what I do periodically is No. I send them self improvement messages as well and affirmation. I still send those out. So the way that my that my mother always said, she No. Despite how old you get, you're gonna always be my baby. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:49:33]: Now, Jaylah, I know you mentioned that you are becoming a social influencer. You're doing things out there. People get to know you in different ways outside of the work that you're doing at the bank. As we finish up today, if people wanna find out more about you, where should they go? Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:49:46]: Yes. So please follow me on Instagram at jaylah.iman_ the Well, you'll also find out that I am a full time photographer as well, and I do the Travel occasionally as well for my very own business, Lady J productions, and then you can also find me on TikTok at jaylah dot Iman as well. Thanks for having me. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:50:11]: Thank you for being here. And Aqeel, as I said before, you're busy. You're out there. If people wanna find out more about you, where's the best place? Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:50:18]: And please forgive me. I don't wanna sound over the top. I really just learned this from a couple of fans. Google me. I think everything pops up. That's so crazy to even do that. It's, I and so I literally had to do that one day. I googled myself, and I'm like, oh my god. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:50:34]: But, yes, Google me, Aqeel T. Ash-Shakoor or Aqeel Ash-Shakoor on Facebook. Again, Aqeel Ash-Shakoor.  Instagram, Aqeel the actor. YouTube, again, Aqeel Ash-Shakoor, And my background is not showing now, but Empowered Minds, I do a lot of, Again, self improvement videos to spiritual videos as well. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:50:55]: So yes. And don't wanna plug, but Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:50:57]: Catch him on TV. Grab your popcorn. Grab the guys. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:51:02]: Been blessed to be a, recognizable face on the Law and Order SVU and Quite a few other to dig with projects and some movies and on television. And something that I'd really just found out, I didn't know that I'm actually presented as one of the No. When they do the Peacock advertisement for the shows, and someone's telling me he's like, I see you every day. I was like, impossible. No boy. He's like, no. I see you every day. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:51:27]: And I was like, really? It's like, wow. So that's an that's an honor within itself. Small town country boy that made an affirmation at 9 years old to his baby sister that one day, this is what I would do. And that's what has been instilling in my family that we do. And my daughter bless she did bless me about a couple of weeks ago. I read a post, And I confirmed it with her, and she said in the post, I just saw it, and it brought me to tears. I didn't tell her that part. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:51:57]: But She says my father made legends. And what else can you say? I'm a blessed husband and father. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:52:04]: Well, Aqeel, well, Jaylah, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for being here, for telling your story, for being raw and open about the journey that you've been on, and I wish you both the best. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:52:15]: No Thank you so Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:52:16]: Yes. Thanks for having us, Christopher. Thank you. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:52:18]: And for your fans, Christopher, I want them to know that this wasn't just No. A pop up. I've appreciated you ever since learning of you and knowing you for years as my wife, Tanisha, was in Thomas Cooleyham Law School, No. And you've always been a familiar face and always, a pleasant person to talk to. And back then, it was also go lug nuts. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:52:42]: No. Yes. Jaylah Ash-Shakoor [00:52:43]: That's it. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:52:43]: So yeah. Yeah. You you've always been special in our lives too, so no Thank you. Thank you ever so much. And for my 1st interview, I think I did that with dad with sons. Some time ago, we did an article. So, I I I applaud the work that you're doing. And and if I could be of help, please give me a call. Aqeel Ash-Shakoor [00:53:01]: Thank you, sir. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:53:03]: If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the fatherhood insider. The fatherhood the insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. The Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step road maps, and more, you will engage and learn with experts, the But more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fathering together daughter. Of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today. Dads with Daughters is a program of fathering together. The We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week all geared to helping you raise strong and powered daughters and be the best dad that you can be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:54:01]: We're all in the same boat, and it's the Full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. Them. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring the AK because those kids are growing fast. The time goes the just like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen, the Carpenters and musclemen get out and be the world to Them. Be the best dad you can be.

Fatherhood is a journey filled with an array of unique challenges and rewarding moments. In the Dads with Daughters podcast, guest Steve Steele sheds light on his personal journey as a father of four, offering insightful perspectives and valuable advice. From embracing the differences in raising daughters and sons to balancing work as a coach and family life, Steve shares his experiences and the lessons he has learned along the way. Embracing Differences in Raising Sons and Daughters Steve starts by highlighting the differences he observed in raising his son, Simon, and his daughters, Gianna and Shay. He emphasizes that each child is unique, showcasing distinct interests and needs. As a coach, Steve acknowledges the importance of engaging with his children's individual passions, even if they differ from his own. He underlines the significance of being a playful father, actively participating in activities that resonate with his daughters, thus fostering a supportive and understanding environment. Parental Presence and One-on-One Time The significance of one-on-one time with each child resonates throughout Steve's narrative. Given the demands of a coaching career and the challenges of raising four children, finding dedicated time for each child becomes essential. Steve emphasizes both physical and emotional presence, acknowledging that being mentally and emotionally available for his children is as important as being physically present. He shares the value of carving out time for individual interactions, aiming to create meaningful connections and memories with each of his children. The Impact of Strong Family Foundations An essential aspect of Steve's journey as a father is the strong foundation built within his family. He recognizes the immense support and understanding of his spouse, highlighting the significance of effective communication and shared responsibilities. Steve acknowledges the mutual respect and cooperation between partners, emphasizing the importance of showing love and support in front of their children. By fostering a strong marital relationship, he aims to provide his children with a positive example of love, understanding, and collaboration. Work-Life Balance and Role Modeling Balancing a demanding career in coaching with family life presents unique challenges, particularly during the football season. Steve discusses the importance of disconnecting from work-related responsibilities upon returning home, ensuring undivided attention towards his family. He underscores the significance of being emotionally available for his children, setting an example by expressing his emotions and demonstrating a respectful, loving relationship with his spouse. Lessons from Steve: Presence and Love Steve's journey as a father is a testament to the power of love, presence, and understanding. His experiences and insights exemplify the vital role that fathers play in shaping their children's lives. Through his dedication to being present, fostering individual connections, and promoting a strong familial foundation, Steve encapsulates the essence of fatherhood, serving as an inspiration for dads navigating similar paths. As fathers, the lessons learned from Steve Steele's journey serve as guiding principles, emphasizing the significance of establishing strong relationships, fostering individual connections, and prioritizing presence and love in creating a nurturing environment for children. Steve's wisdom allows us to embrace the joys and challenges of fatherhood, reminding us that love, understanding, and presence are pivotal elements in nurturing and raising children to become strong, independent individuals.  In conclusion, the wisdom imparted by Steve Steele provides invaluable insights into the multifaceted journey of fatherhood, inspiring fathers to navigate this path with love, dedication, and a profound commitment to being present for their children.   TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]: Welcome to Dads With daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week, I love being able to have a conversation with you, to sit down with you, to the Walk with you on this path that you're on to raise those strong, independent women that you want your daughters to become in the future. And every week, It is definitely such a great opportunity for me to be able to work with you on this journey because all of our journeys are just a little bit different. The way that we father is different, and that's okay. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:55]: There's not one right way to father. We learn that every week through the people that come on the show, and I hope that you learn it from the dads that you are talking to in your own communities And that you talk to on a daily basis because it is important to have community, to build community, to the Create that community for yourself. Now every week, I love being able to have different guests on the show that are walking this journey in a little bit different way. And this week, we got another great guest with us. Steve Steele is with us today, and Steve is a father of 4. He's a teacher. He's a coach. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:32]: He's doing a lot of different things, and his football team just won the championships in, in North Dakota. So we're excited about that as well.  And we're gonna be talking to him about the journey that he's been on with his kids, and I'm really just excited to have him here today. Steve, thanks so much for being here today. Steve Steele [00:01:51]: Thanks for having me on. Always great to talk about parenting and, you know, how we can make our daughters' lives as good as they can be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:57]: Well, I really appreciate you being here. And first and foremost, I know you have 4 kids and I love the the show by being able to turn the clock back in time. And so I wanna turn the clock all the way back to that first moment that you found out you're going to be a dad To a daughter. What was going through your head? Steve Steele [00:02:12]: I didn't find out until she was born. We didn't find out on any of our 4 kids. We had our our boy, Simon, first. He's 6 now. And then, our second one was was Gianna, and, you know, we we actually were kinda stressing about names. You know, we had 2 boys' names picked out when we got married, and we had no girls' names. So, so it was Kind of one of those, soon as they told us it was a girl, and then we met her, then, we kinda had to figure out a name. So we ended up going with Gianna, and we loved that name, and then we and we obviously Steve Steele [00:02:39]: Loved her ever since. And then, same thing on that third one then, with Shay. Shay's our our 2nd daughter, and then ended up with Seth as our 4th, our little boy. So we've got Boy, girl, girl, boy. And, you know, like I said, it's it's never been so much of a preparation in terms of it being a girl or a boy because we had absolutely no idea what we were doing. We just the a healthy baby, and, we're blessed to have 4 of them. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:01]: So as you said, 4 kids. You started with a boy, 2 girls, a boy. Talk to me about what you've learned along the way and some of the differences you've seen in going the From being a dad to a son to then being a dad to 2 daughters and now a son again. So what have you had to do differently in the way that you father As you became a father to a daughter. Steve Steele [00:03:26]: I think, honestly, this is one of those things where your 1st kid and I think everyone kinda says this. Your 1st kid, you're You're trying to be ultra prepared in all these things, and then, yeah, you have the 1st kid and kinda regardless boy or girl, you those books don't really tell you a whole lot once you you're faced with, raising this kid. And and, you know, I think that was a really good thing for us to understand was that, hey, you know, no matter how well you prepare, the You you can't be fully prepared to to drive home from the hospital with that beautiful baby, and then going into having a daughter, you know, everything was just Little bit different. You know, I think baby wise, I don't know that there's people that'll say it's one way. It's it's a little easier to sleep or not easier to the based off of boy or girl. I don't know that we found that. Steve Steele [00:04:05]: But, you know, once they kinda got into that playful age, you know, once they get into the the 2 year olds and stuff like that, then it it's definitely been a little bit different. So I think our boy, obviously, way more right into sports wanting to be like dad and do all these things, and our our the was way more into princesses and everything else. And as a coach, being able to embrace that side and not just be like, well, no. You know, we're only gonna do this, the You know, I'm gonna go play with Simon because I like sports more, which, obviously, I like sports more than princesses, but but still being able to to just go and be the playful dad and and and do the the that she enjoys doing. I think that's been the hardest and most important part to keep tabs on, I think, as you get older. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:43]: It is important. It's important to be able to the Be engaged in the things that, as you said, your kids are really excited about. And it may not be the things that you're excited about, But you can get them to be excited about the things that you're excited about in many different ways. And as you said, the Being a father makes you push yourself in many different directions, and you should be pushing yourself to be able to be engaged in that way. The Now you talked about the fact that your daughter does enjoy some of the girl things, some of the, you know, the Barbies or the dolls, the princess aspects, You know, things like that. But each of your kids is completely unique. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:21]: Talk to me about how you've had to work the To develop those unique relationships with each of your children. Also, the fact that you have a role where, the Especially during the fall, you're gonna be really busy. So how do you build those unique relationships to make sure that your kids know the That you are engaged and you are connected to them individually versus collectively. Steve Steele [00:05:46]: That's honestly been one of the biggest Challenges, I guess, as we've had. 1 from 1 to 2, and 2 to 3, and 3 to 4 is finding that kind of 1 on 1 time. You know, I think everybody the In the mornings, it's mayhem. Everyone's running around, getting dressed, and all that, and bedtime can be kinda similar. So I think finding the times to do things that she likes to do, and, you know, with our 2 year old Shay now, kinda she's starting to get to that age where we're looking to do things that she likes to do now too, you know, because she can have her own interest At this point and then just finding the time to to do them whether or not you wanna do them. You know, I think that's a a common parent thing where you get so tired, obviously, with babies, Especially where you're used to not sleeping, and you obviously got your jobs and all that, where it can be tempting to just get home and and wanna relax, And kinda try and shut the kids out and be like, no. No. I'm tired. Steve Steele [00:06:30]: I wanna do this, or I need to do that. And really just putting that aside and putting the kids first and doing whatever it is that they wanna do Because ultimately, that's how they're gonna know you care and that you love them because you're, you know, the I think they probably still understand. Okay. He's tired. Maybe he had a bad day at work or whatever else. If you're willing to put that aside and and and do what the kids wanna do, then they're gonna understand that you love them and care for them and and ultimately that they're important in your life. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:53]: So one of the things that I'd be interested in learning a little bit more about for you is as you you you did start with a son. You've moved into being a father of 2 daughters. And what have you found so far has been the hardest part for you in being a father to a daughter? Steve Steele [00:07:10]: I think the hardest part in a lot of ways is Probably, you know, when they choose things, it it is I mean, again, I I like the Disney movies. My Little Pony is a is a very big favorite of the girls right now, and Super Kitties. And And there are just some shows where I mean, it's it's hard to to want to be interested in some of them. And, you know, the books, we're really big readers, you know, with our family. I think that the Both are that was another big thing that my wife and I were very important on is trying to make sure that they've read a 1,000 books by kindergarten. They have a program here at our local library that all of our the Kids have now done. And then, you know, it really allows you to learn what they like and kinda see the different interests that they have through what books they choose at the library. Steve Steele [00:07:48]: And My Little Pony's just kinda been one, and, Fancy Nancy is another one where the girls really, really enjoy those, and, you know, obviously, again, it's you you read sportsbooks or my son's into Star Wars, and Those are a little bit easier for me to get into when you're reading to them, but really just diving in and and making it being goofy, being silly, and And and kinda making sure that you're having just as much fun reading those books can be a challenge at times. So finding the ways to to kinda let yourself out of that box of What you feel like you might enjoy, and and just being goofy and and having fun with the girls the way that they need to have fun too is is been a challenge, but it's something that I think's Been very rewarding for for both myself and my daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:26]: Now as a coach, in a lot of ways, you are a mentor, you are a dad To many other people in many different ways and how you have to work with the people on your team to be able to get them to the Accomplish what you're hoping for them to accomplish and to work together. How has being a coach helped you In the way that you father. Steve Steele [00:08:50]: You know, I would almost argue it's the opposite in that, you know, really having kids has has made me a better coach. Just in that sense that, you know, I think the the the schematic side of of coaching is is something that you're gonna get from from playing that sport or whatnot, and obviously, from your coaching mentors and all that kind of stuff. But, you know, when you have your own kids and and you You have that love and that caring that it's you really can't understand until you have your own. I mean, then all of a sudden when you're coaching kids, you're you're coaching other peoples. You know that what they love, and they've loved forever, and will love forever. And I think that really kinda changed my my mentality of a lot of ways, and I think that's changed, the My philosophy of coaching a little bit just in that sense that it does make you really focus on the person first, and focus on the good kids and giving them the experience that I would want for my own kids. And, you know, I think that my kids are are fortunate. Steve Steele [00:09:37]: They get to be around the team a lot. You know, all season long, they they're ending up at practice the here and there. One's at one thing, then the rest will be at practice or or vice versa. And the the kids love having them around, and I think it goes both ways in the sense that they also See me being a dad, and understand that, hey, I'm a football coach, but right now my kids are here, and we're not just gonna leave them, and they're gonna be equally as involved as the everybody else because they're here right now, and, you know, some of the the kids do great jobs having fun with our kids, you know, whenever they're at practice, and managers do an awesome jobs with the kids. And the All of our other coaches have kids too, and a lot of them are at practice. So it's a very family friendly atmosphere and, you know, something that I hope benefits the kids as they Obviously, graduate, go on, and and then have families of their own, but also something that I think really benefits our own kids. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:22]: Let's talk a little bit more about the That life work balance because I think that that's challenging for many dads. And as I said, you're a busy guy. You've got a lot of things going on, especially during the football season. And, you know, you're gonna be pulled away from your family in many different ways. And with kids being young, that's not always an easy thing to understand. So Talk to me about what you've had to do to be able to have that balance, to be engaged in that way that you want to be engaged even when you're being pulled away the In that fall term where you're in that football season. Steve Steele [00:10:54]: Yeah. You know, I think this is probably the most important thing, and by no means am I remotely perfect on this. I know I can always be better But, you know, finding ways to disconnect from your phone. I mean, I think that's a huge and important thing where, you know, especially, again, in the coaching world that you're gonna go home, and you're gonna get text From parents and kids and players and coaches and everybody else with questions, some of them are important questions that that need to be answered, some of them are not. I think the the most important thing that we we're trying to do is just put that phone on do not disturb until the kids go to bed. Whenever I get home, it's, you know, hey. This is their time. I've no my time at work. Steve Steele [00:11:26]: I've spent my time at practice. So the kids are gonna go to bed at 7:30, 8 o'clock. They're still young. So if you get home at 6, the giving them that dedicated 2 hours is important. You don't want them to see them for the 2 hours a day that you get to see them where they're seeing you on your phone. So really just making sure that when I am home, the My attention is on them. And like we said, we're trying to find the 1 on 1 time. You know, usually, we kinda let 1 of them stay up after bedtime of the rest of them to kinda spend some of that 1 on 1 time Steve Steele [00:11:51]: Just so that we do get some every week, but, you know, otherwise then once they're all in bed and everyone's happy, then you can try and get back to the phone and and answer some of those questions if they're there. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:00]: Talk to me a little bit about a lot of times this goes down to this goes down to the fact that you have to have a strong foundation the in your family to be able to support your kids and allow for your kids to be able to see that strong foundation too. You talk about the fact that you and your wife are working hard to be able the connect and to help your kids to be strong, but you've got young kids. And having young kids definitely can cause a lot of stress too. And while you're trying to create those strong relationships with your own daughters, you also have to maintain a strong relationship the Inside your family with your significant other. So what have you had to do to be able to maintain that strong relationship with your spouse even when it's stressful, When you're busy, you're being pulled out. When you've got the demands of 4 kids that are all needing something a little bit different. Yeah. Steve Steele [00:12:52]: I mean, first and foremost, I mean, my wife's a champ. I mean, she's Know the right way to describe it, but nothing would function without her. Coaches' wives are so heroic in what they do and and being able to the the household when we are gone for those extended periods. And I think the important part is then recognizing and and celebrating that and then understanding, hey. There's gonna be days where she's had a bad day at work or Dads with She's not feeling it, and and you've gotta be able to put pick up that slack. And, you know, and I I think we do a great job of communicating for the most part. Obviously, that's a Doug. Steve Steele [00:13:20]: A huge part of all relationships in life is communicating and having the correct expectations, and that can only be done through communication. But then, you know, just again, not being afraid to ask help. Thursday night or a day that we're having a tough time, then communicating that and understanding that, hey, it's okay. I'm gonna have to pick this up, and that's okay, because, you know, there's gonna be the days where that's me and She's gonna do the same thing for me, so I just think that's probably the most important part. Is again, just having that complete open communication, and, Dom. Making sure that we're always on the same page of what needs to happen and what our needs are as spouses for each other. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:52]: So important and definitely something that's not always easy, But you have to keep communicating. You have to keep talking. You have to make sure that you're on the same page because as your kids get older, they will test that, the And they will definitely put kind of make you kind of go 1 to 1. I've had that happen many times where the One of my well, my daughter will say, well, mom said this, and I go back to mom and mom says, I never said that. That's not what I said. So we always have to personally, in our family, we always have to go back and we have to check-in and say, okay. Did you really say this before I answer my daughter? I'm going to make sure about that. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood five, where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:37]: Are you ready? Yes. The In one word, what is fatherhood? Steve Steele [00:14:40]: Love. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:41]: Now when was the time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter. Steve Steele [00:14:46]: This last weekend, we took our girls, again, trying to find some of the more 1 on 1 time and my wife's turn, and and we took them to Disney on Ice. We kinda had the girls go there and the boys go somewhere else, and we kinda put this together, obviously, kind of as a little family trip where we did some things, but really hearing them talk about it afterwards and just seeing that the raw, unbridled, the excitement from them, Docs Really just one of those things where, you know, that there is and then obviously, you know, from the wife understanding that, you know, seeing some of the pictures she got to take and and hearing her recollection of everything. I mean, that's what it's about. You know, you created some special moments that weekend, and it's as much as, you know, I wanna be involved, obviously, in all those moments, it's Equally important for my wife to be able to have those same moments with our daughters. So just very recently fresh in my mind, one that comes to mind and Very, very special weekend. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:35]: Now if I was to talk to your kids, and I know not all your kids are talking right now, but if I were to talk to your kids, How would they describe you as a dad? Steve Steele [00:15:43]: They call me a coach, and they call me goofy. You know, I think, very, very rarely. I get trouble from mom too from being goofy at times. I'm definitely not a strict disciplinarian. I'd say I'm very, very fun and and kinda goofy around the kids a lot more than I am. If I'm getting after them, then they know that the The lines have been crossed, and they need to settle down because I'll I'll play with them just about as long as they are allowed to play. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:04]: Now who inspires you to be a better dad? Steve Steele [00:16:06]: Honestly, my parents, I don't know that I could have asked for a greater example in life, both of them, really. I mean, they sacrificed so much to give me at least the opportunity to No. Every single interest that I had. I think I was interested in sports. I was interested in music. Whatever it was, I mean, they made sure that I was able to try it despite Despite all the challenges that come along from that from their end and just seeing the example they set of of what a loving marriage and couple should look like, just something that again, I I know it's benefited me in my own life, Just a constant thing to look up to and and hope that I can live up to. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:36]: Now you've talked about your own experience. You've shared some advice that you have learned along the way. As we finish up today, what's 1 piece of advice that you'd wanna give to every dad? Steve Steele [00:16:45]: I think so much is be present even not just physically present. Be mentally and emotionally present. It's okay to cry in front of your kids. You know, it's okay for them to see you, experience the emotions that you have. And then just again, I think the other important part that I don't know that I really touched Your relationship with your wife, you know, or or your spouse is is what you're showing them love is. You know, so I mean, if you want them to obviously be looking for that relationship someday, it's it's your job to kind of also show them what a man should look like in a respectful Marriage. So, you know, I think that's another important part. Steve Steele [00:17:19]: So I think those are the kind of the most important things that I hope I'm getting across to my own kids. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:24]: Now, Steve, before I finish up today, if people wanna find out more about you and your coaching and your team or anything else about you, where's the best place for them to go? Steve Steele [00:17:34]: Yeah. We've got our football websites, TFrigsfootball.weebly.com, and that's got all of our football info. My email is steve.s.steel@gmail.com. Again, always always happy to to the Talk about being a dad or talk football. They can't do too much of either one. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:54]: Well, Steve, thanks so much again for sharing your story today. I truly appreciate it, and I wish you all the best. Steve Steele [00:18:00]: Thank you very much. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:01]: If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information the that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step road maps, the and more. You will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fathering together .org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today. Dads with Daughters is a program of Fathering Together. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:59]: We're all in the same boat, the and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. The the Bring your a game because those kids are growing fast. The the goes by just like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen, the Carpenters and muscle men get out and be in the world shoes. Domino. Be the best dad you can be!

Being a father is a journey full of joy, challenges, and growth. In a recent episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, host Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomed guest Tim Cox, a father of two, to discuss the unique experiences and challenges of raising daughters. Their heartfelt conversation touched on various aspects of fatherhood, including creating special moments, balancing work and family, mental health, and nurturing unique connections with each child as they grow. Let's explore some of the key takeaways and insights shared in this insightful episode. Creating Special Moments and Individualized Experiences Tim Cox emphasized the importance of spending quality time with his 8-year-old daughter, especially with the arrival of her 3-year-old brother. He and his partner make a conscious effort to create separate and special experiences for each child, recognizing their individual needs and interests. This highlights the significance of fostering unique connections with each child and ensuring that they feel valued and cherished. Engaging in activities that resonate with each child, such as playing games, being inspired by educational shows like Bluey, and sharing a love for music and creativity, plays a pivotal role in strengthening the bond between father and daughter. These shared experiences lay a strong foundation for building trust, communication, and lasting memories. It's a testament to the power of quality time spent with children, nurturing their emotional well-being and overall development. Balancing Work and Family The challenges of balancing work and family are a common concern for many fathers. Tim and Dr. Christopher acknowledged the difficulty of managing professional responsibilities while prioritizing family time. Tim, who works in social media for a university, expressed his struggles with finding a balance and not missing out on creating memorable moments with his daughter. This resonates with many fathers who strive to provide for their families while also being actively engaged in their children's lives. It underscores the need for open communication with employers, setting boundaries, and making intentional choices to foster a harmonious work-life balance. Nurturing Emotional Well-Being and Mental Health Tim Cox's candid discussion about his daughter's anxiety and his own experiences with seeking help for depression sheds light on the importance of addressing mental health within the family dynamic. His openness in discussing anxiety and therapy with his daughter demonstrates the value of normalizing conversations around emotional well-being and seeking professional support when needed. Moreover, Tim's journey towards seeking help for his mental health highlights the courage and resilience required to navigate personal challenges while also fulfilling the responsibilities of fatherhood. By sharing his experiences, Tim exemplifies the strength in vulnerability and the impact of prioritizing mental wellness for himself and his family. Evolving Connections with Growing Children As children grow, their needs, interests, and levels of independence evolve. Dr. Christopher emphasized the ongoing parental relationship as children mature, emphasizing the significance of adapting to these changes and nurturing evolving connections. Tim's shared experience of deciding whether to prioritize his daughter's emotional distress over work underscores the nuanced decisions fathers face as they support their children's emotional well-being. This highlights the importance of being present, empathetic, and responsive to the dynamic needs of growing children. Embracing Imperfections and Collective Learning Tim's advice to other fathers to acknowledge their imperfections and learn from others reflects the humility and willingness to grow as a parent. Fatherhood is indeed a collective learning experience, and the willingness to seek guidance, connect with other fathers, and learn from different perspectives enriches the journey of raising empowered daughters. In conclusion, "Dads with Daughters" continues to provide valuable insights and resources for fathers, encouraging them to embrace the joys and challenges of parenthood. Tim Cox's thoughtful reflections and experiences highlight the significance of creating special moments, navigating work-life balance, prioritizing mental health, nurturing unique connections with growing children, and fostering a collective approach to parenting. As fathers engage in these conversations and embrace the journey of fatherhood, they play an integral role in shaping the lives of their daughters and creating enduring bonds built on love, support, and understanding.   TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]: Welcome to Dads With daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to the dads with daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, the Raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. As always, every week, I love being able to sit down with you, to Talk to you to be on this journey alongside of you. Because as I've told you many times, I've got 2 daughters myself, and I the feel like I'm learning something every day, and I know that you have the same type of path that you're on. And we're at different phases in our daughters' lives, but that doesn't mean we can't learn from each other and we can't support each other along the way. That's why every week I love being able to sit down with you to be able to talk about issues that are sBeing a father is a journey full of joy, challenges, and growth. In a recent episode of "Dads with Daughters," host Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomed guest Tim Cox, a father of two, to discuss the unique experiences and challenges of raising daughters. Their heartfelt conversation touched on various aspects of fatherhood, including creating special moments, balancing work and family, mental health, and nurturing unique connections with each child as they grow. Let's explore some of the key takeaways and insights shared in this insightful episode.ometimes the Ones that are not that easy to handle or not that easy to talk about, but sometimes they're lighter issues or things that the We all just deal with in everyday life, but we kinda struggle through it. And I think it's important to Talk about these things to be able to have honest conversations about them so that we can normalize it the And allow for all of us to know that that it's okay. It's okay to talk about these things, to be able to the Engage with other dads about these things, and that's why every week I love being able to bring you different guests, different people with different experiences that have gone through either being a father to a daughter or have other resources or things that they are doing to support dads. Because we have to be able to ask for the help that we need when we need it, and that's why it's so important that we have these every week. This week, we got another great guest with us. Tim Cox is with us. Tim is a father of 2, and we are gonna be talking about Being a dad to a daughter and what that's been like for him. I'm really excited to have him on. Tim, thanks so much for being here today. Tim Cox [00:02:14]: . Thank you for having me. I'm very excited to be on this. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:17]: Now I will be honest and say that Tim has been a part of the fathering together family for many years. He was one of the the Initial people that was part of our leadership team and helping us with our Facebook communities, helping us with our videos, and helping us to Doc. To really amp up the way in which we were telling our story, so I am excited that we that I'm finally getting him on the show. The And 1st and foremost, Jim, one of the things that I love doing is turning the clock back in time, and I wanna go all the way back to that the moment when you found out that you were going to be a father to a daughter. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:50]: What was going through your head? Tim Cox [00:02:50]: I think I was scared. My daughter is the 8 years old now. I just turned 44 2 days ago. So I was you know, we waited a little later in life. I was 36, I guess, And I was nervous. My wife and I had decided that we weren't going to have children, and we were kind of enjoying our younger days with that. The And then we sort of you know, we had our nieces, and then they started to grow up. Tim Cox [00:03:14]: And then we were like, okay. You know, maybe we do want kids. And so we decided to have a Dyle, and it was definitely nerve wracking. I was trying to read every book I could find. I was trying to find everything . Possible every resource, talking to people. It was it was a a wild time. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:32]: It definitely can be a wild time, especially the As you said, you know, there's no one right way to father, and there's lots of books out there. There's lots of resources out there that you can turn to and other dads that you can turn to as well. Now you talked about having some fear at the beginning of having your daughter. The What would you say has been or is your biggest fear in raising your daughter? Tim Cox [00:03:57]: Well, I'll go with my my first fear first after she was born, And we were getting ready to leave the hospital, and I carried the car seat upstairs. And I was like, how do I put this tiny thing the in this car seat and secure it safely. And the hospitals were like, well, we can't really help you with this because they wanna make sure that they're backed the up in case there was some kind of accident or anything, so they play it safe. And I remember that was we did all the parenting classes and everything like that, and the That was the first thing that I was like, we didn't talk car seats in the parenting class. This fluffy little kid with the big outfit and stuff on, like, how do we Titan and, you know, the car seat enough, and is this hurting the child and all this stuff. And, you know, at that point, I didn't realize that, like, you don't want anything puffy. Like, you know, my kids the Still don't use jackets and car seats. Tim Cox [00:04:48]: And so it was all those kind of things. That was, like, the first fear of being a dad or the first, the like moment of confusion. And I remember I was quickly YouTubing videos to try and see what to do with this car seat. And then but when I look at, like, the Big picture. I want to make sure that my daughter and I have a 4 year old son, almost 4 year old son also, the And I wanna make sure that they grow up to be good people, and I wanna make sure that they grow up caring about other people. And that's my biggest fear is what if I'm not doing enough to give them the tools they need to do that. And I think I believe I am doing enough for that, but that's the Probably my biggest fear in life is just what should I be doing better for my kids to make sure that they have everything they need to succeed? Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:37]: So I think one of the things that many dads struggle with is, like you said, you want to raise kids that are kind, that give back, that are doing things the To allow for them to be a part of society in many different ways. Talk to me about what you are doing or the have done to be able to Tim Cox [00:05:58]: do just that. I think we try and read a lot of books that show strong female figures in the books, And we try and have our kids get them give them experiences that put them to give them the ability. Learn about the future and learn what it is to help people and you know? So I think those are, like, the kind of things that we do the most, But still that leaves you to that, am I doing enough? What could I do more? Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:24]: And that's never an easy thing to know is the impact that that what you're doing now the And what that impact is going to be 5 years from now, 10 years from now, 20 years from now. But the little things that you do the Step by step where you may not see an impact right away. You're setting the seed and you're letting it grow. And I think that that's the What's so important for fathers to do is to be consistent and to continue to do the things that you're hoping that they will do in the future. By doing that, as I said, it's planting that seed and it's allowing that to take root. And then as you said, reading books or other things, great concepts, great ideas. Now you now have 2 kids. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:06]: You have a son and a daughter. And with each of your kids, you have to be able to do what You Can to build those unique relationships because each child is very different. Not only do they have different ages and different stages that they're at, That need different types of bothering in many different ways. What are you doing to be able to build that strong relationship the With your daughter. Tim Cox [00:07:30]: I try and I try and do things with her, and I think that's really important to do. There's a lot of the jealousy comes in, especially she's 8. He's 3. She had a long time with just mom and dad Until he came around, we would decided we only wanted 1 child for the longest time, and then we were like, well, maybe we'll have a second one. The And that's how, you know, there ended up being a spread out, which I think is the greatest thing is having that spread because she can be you know, help teach him also. So the things I'm teaching her, she's then teaching him. But, you know, we really want to try and make her feel special. Tim Cox [00:08:12]: So I'll take her somewhere to something that I won't take him. I'll do it during nap to make it easy. My partner does the same. She'll take our daughter to something. I think she's taking her roller skating tonight, and I'll stay home with Jude, my son. And, you know, so I think the big thing is trying to the Separate time and build out time for them to have you as just you. Tim Cox [00:08:36]: So they're not this the forgotten child or they don't become jointed with their sibling at all times so that they still feel special to you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:45]: And are there Specific things that you and your daughter love to do together that are special just for the 2 of you? Tim Cox [00:08:52]: Yeah. We do. We both play a lot of Silly games. Even just the game Marco Polo typically done in a pool. We play in our driveway. The She always cheats, but it's okay. Suddenly, you know, she'll, like, well, they all freeze, and then you have to, like, walk towards the person with your eyes closed. And somehow, she the Always finds me, and she just says I'm bad at it. Tim Cox [00:09:14]: But we do stuff like that. You know, she loves playing. One of her favorite shows is the show Bluey, which the is one of my favorite shows too, and I think every parent of a young child that's watched that show loves that show because it's so real. The And we play games from that show that we learn, like Shadowlands, where you can only step on shadows, and we go for walks around the block. She really likes the music, and we've played guitar together. She's not quite there of knowing what she's playing, but she likes to the Make it up, and she likes to make up lyrics to songs. And me being a musician, and I've played in Torden bands and played in bands the My whole life up until the pandemic, basically, was when I kind of took a break from music. You know, it's fun to see that creativity from her the where we have just like a little kid drum set, and she will sit at it and start playing. Tim Cox [00:10:08]: And sometimes, like, that is a perfect drum beat. The So we have these kind of, like, little things that that we can share that Jude, my son, isn't quite at the age to the Be able to I mean, he bangs on the drums, and he actually does decently on drums too. But he's obviously a 3 year old little tornado running around. The So, you know, my daughter and I, we love to kinda do all these things together that's just kind of us. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:36]: It is important, especially when you have kids that Door. Vastly different in ages, and there is that gap. As you said, your daughter had you in her life first, So being able to make sure that there's not animosity there, and we had the same we didn't have as large of a gap, but between our oldest and our youngest, . There always was a little bit of separation, a little bit of animosity that was there that our oldest ended up Dom. Losing that 1 on 1 time in her mind in some aspect, even though we still did many things together just the Between her and us, but it does make a difference, and you have to work hard in that regard. And being a dad is never easy. What would you say has been the hardest Darts. For you in being a father to a daughter. Tim Cox [00:11:23]: I think the hardest part is probably trying to balance work and life the and time with her. Work obviously takes up a lot of time. Days, I feel like, you know, from morning when I make her breakfast . When I, like, kiss her good night at 9, it's the entire day is is done, and we're kinda running around, and there's all sorts of activities. . So I think it's finding ways to chisel out time to spend is important, and I'm not the best the At work life balance where I do social media for university, and I am sitting there and I will the host things at night, like, 11 o'clock at night. And I'm don't always have the best ability to just, like, turn off and be with the the family at all times, but I'm I really try hard to do that. And I think a lot of dads have that same issue, and I think we're all Doc. Tim Cox [00:12:20]: Kind of in the same boat, and a lot of times we'll, you know, act like we're always able always there, you know, because everyone puts the best the Image forward on social media, but we're all in kind of the same thing saying, like, okay. Did I do something with my daughter today? Did I give her a the special moment that she will remember. And I think the biggest thing I try and do is just make sure that that exists. For example, she gave me a book the For my birthday, we celebrated it last night because girl scouts was the night before. So I waited a day for my birthday, and she gave me a book of the top ten reasons I have the best dad. The And the book is adorable, and it shows all sorts of things like I love you because you help me when I get hurt. The And she drew a little picture of me putting a Band Aid on her. She loves when I play with her, and the picture was me as a horse on the ground with her jumping on top of me and the Riding me around. Tim Cox [00:13:14]: And these are the kind of things that I do, and a lot of times I'm very tired, but I'm like, there's gonna be a day that she doesn't wanna play. And one of the saddest things to think about and I carry her around all the time, and she's 8 and I'm £65, and I'm carrying her everywhere I go the When I can or I put her on my shoulders or any of those kind of things. Because as dads, we have to realize there is going to be a day. That you put your child down, you put your daughter down, and you never pick her up again. And it's heartbreaking to think of that. And I can't even . Imagine that day coming, but it's getting closer and closer that she still wants me to comfort her. Tim Cox [00:13:56]: She's daddy's little girl, and it drives my partner Crazy sometimes because she's always like, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy. But I'm loving it, and I'm trying to just remember that I need to make the Time for this because I don't know when that time is over. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:14]: And it will be over before you know it or at least I'm not gonna say completely over. You're not gonna be able to carry your child eventually because, you know, they do get the Larger, and it becomes a lot harder to do that physically. But that being said, you'll always be her dad, . And you'll always have that connection. So doing what you can now to build those strong relationships and to connect with her now the And show her that you are always there for her will still continue even after they leave the house. I mean, I've got the My oldest is at college and but we still stay connected, but it's in a little bit different way. And as they do get older, you have to take the cues from them. I'm not always the best about that, but it is something that you have to be willing to do. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:05]: My oldest has gone to college, and She is about 11 and a half hours away from our house, and we had to set up parameters of the How our relationship would continue and listen and try to follow her lead. And I'm sure that as she the Gets older, that's gonna have to continue because when she gets out of college and moves to the next step, more and more, they're going to not need everything that we have Offered them as a young person, but they will still need us in some ways and will come back to us the Because of that for some reasons. So I say those things just to say for all of us as fathers, there's going to be these the Times, these ebbs, these flows, these things that are going to be these seasons that we go through, that our kids go through. And some of those seasons, you will need. To be more involved, and other times, you won't have to be as involved, and you'll have to take a step back. And that's not easy, and you the just have to know that it's not going to be easy, and I can tell you that 20 times, 30 times, 40 times. And you may still find that the You're still not prepared. And that that's okay, but it's just something to be aware of. Tim Cox [00:16:19]: And I think that's really important too, you know, because You know when they do need you, what you're able to do. For example, this morning, I put her on the bus and drove to work. And when I got to work, which is like a the 25 minute drive or so, I got a call from the school, and she was crying on the phone that today was stuffy day, And she forgot to bring her stuffy to school. And in in 3rd grade, it's the year that the teachers stop communicating with the parents as much, And they try and teach the kids to do it, so we didn't realize that it was stuffy day. And I had to kinda make a decision where I was literally . Into my office, and I'm like, do I continue on, or do I turn around, drive 25 minutes back, pick up Sniffers, . Tim Cox [00:17:07]: And bring sniffers to the school and then come back to work. And that was, like, the kind of thing where I was, like, you know what? I was, like, I this is important to her. The She's clearly upset about it, and I'm gonna bring that to her. And it's kind of the thing is where she gets bad anxiety about things. She gets all these kind of things where . She's afraid of getting sick, so she'll just tell us she's sick and not go to and try not to go to school. And we ended up putting her in the therapy for these kind of things because it's important to to catch something early and have her start working out the feelings now while she's younger. Because the While not having a stuffy at school is not fun, she's probably not the only kid that forgot it, but to . Tim Cox [00:17:51]: Then, you know, get really upset into where, like, I knew she wasn't gonna be able to feel good through school without having the Stuffy. That's where I had to decide. Okay. I need to go and do this for her because we're working on this and with her anxiety, and that's Something that's gonna be important. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:08]: You know, that just kinda shows I mean, there is a point in time where you do have to decide. And like you said about, the There's things like this where you have to make a decision. Is this a learning moment moment, or do you actually the Come back in, and we'll say save the day to bail your child out of something that they probably should have told you up upfront the and told you about. But there's going to be those times where is 3rd grade the time to do that, or is it more 6th the Great. Well, you know what? You need to learn about this, and you need to be able to. So those are things internally that you have to struggle with and figure out as you along. And there is that learning that happens as your kids get older, and you're going to learn so many things. And I think that that's important. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:53]: I think it's so important that you're willing to the Open yourself up to learning and being willing to know that you don't know everything and be willing to the Reach out or find resources. As you think about the experiences that you've had as a father, how has that resonated with you that you've had to take that step the to be willing to learn. Tim Cox [00:19:15]: It was tough and easy at the beginning. Easy because I knew I had to learn, but tough because I've always kind of felt the Proud I was able to do things on my own or figure things out on my own. And every day is just I'm learning something new every day, and especially with having the 2 children who are very different people. My daughter is gets anxiety and she's s. Nervous about things, and she's very lovey and gets hurt constantly whether it's really hurt or not hurt or just wants an ice the hack that happens where my son is completely wild and is not one that gets hurt and is just the Runs around the house like a tornado, and you have to learn how to navigate this journey with 2 very different Children. And what I do for her may not be the same thing that I would do for him, and it's not necessarily a learning point the For either of the kids, but just knowing how they will handle it. Like, he had stuffy day to stay at school too. He has a stuffy at the School. Tim Cox [00:20:21]: He's in preschool. He has a stuffy there for nap. And I don't know if kids were bringing other ones or not, but I was like, you know what? Let's just . Not send him with 1 because then it's 1 less that needs to be washed, and we think he'll be fine with it. So I think the biggest thing is just the Knowing that you don't know everything and that it's okay to make mistakes. I make mistakes all the time. And there's the Times I wish I could go back and change what I said or what I did, and I let frustrations get out sometimes. And that this past Tim Cox [00:20:53]: Year I've tried to take a better look at my own mental health, and I finally talked about depression to my doctors. I Doc. Got on some medication and all these kind of things are taking care of myself to know That I can make myself become a better father. And when I mess up, that, you know, it's not the end of the world, that . I just need to own up to it, and that's also being honest with my kids where sometimes I'll say, like, hey. I wish I didn't say that, or, hey. I wish I the I was able to do this with you. I'm just being honest with them is extremely important to to my own growth. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:31]: Well, talking about mental health, and I know that you said that the You kind of have focused a bit more on your mental health. Why did you decide that that this was the right time to do that, and what did you hope to do with the The journey that you started. Tim Cox [00:21:45]: I think it was one of those things where I mean, it certainly got worse over the pandemic. I don't remember and and And also that is we had our son right at the beginning of the pandemic to where that was a whole different thing. You know, they I Doc. I was almost not gonna be allowed to go to the hospital, which I wrote a chapter in the 1st Fathering Together book about that issue. But one of those thing, it kind of, like, creeped up on me more, Tim Cox [00:22:10]: and then I decided, like you know, I started feeling like I wasn't myself at all times. Doc. And sometimes I would be just sitting there washing the dishes at night, and I'd start feeling like I'm a failure. Like, I can't even explain the things I was feeling. And then finally, like, I was going to the doctor and I, you know, had my regular physical, and I was just like, this is kinda going on. I don't feel Doc. Suicidal or anything like that, but I do feel depressed and down and to the point where I didn't feel like I would do anything to myself, But I didn't necessarily care if something happened to me. Tim Cox [00:22:46]: And other than you were, like, you want to make sure you're there for your kids, but There came point where I was like, there's stuff going on that I'm just kinda moving through life, and it's just stressful. And and it was it was a huge Docs changed by having that talk with the doctor, being honest with myself that this was something that I should bring up, and now Still working on it and still have those days where you just feel exhausted or worn out. The kids are fighting, and you are just like, I can't even Do anything with us anymore. I just need to, like, go lay down or something. But it's happening far less because I feel like I've finally taking a step in the right direction. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:25]: Now taking that step in the right direction, you also are showing your kids Something about taking care of yourself. What kind of conversations have you had, especially with your daughter, about the Some of the things that you I know that you said that she has struggled with and how what you're doing, and Doc. It may impact her in many ways in the future. Tim Cox [00:23:48]: I don't think she knows about depression or anything like that yet. She has anxiety, . But we have tried to show her that, like, it's totally normal. A lot of kids have it. A lot of kids go to therapists the for this. And she's it's okay to have big feelings, basically, and not understand how to fully grasp the what you're feeling and talk about what you're feeling. And so I think we just this year, all this started this year of us making this decision to the have her start going to therapy every week, and it was just one of those things where we know that if we have the opportunity to look at this the at this young age and be able to do something about it instead of waiting until it's older. And part of the thing with that may have been that I the understanding that, like, I what I was going through. Tim Cox [00:24:39]: My partner understands what she's going through, and those kind of things that were like, you know what? Like, the Let's find a way to help our daughter learn to deal with these feelings before that becomes something. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:52]: . That's so important, and it's important to be willing to put yourself out there and be willing to understand when you need help. And I don't know that every man is willing to admit that, and instead, they internally kind of say, Nah. I can handle it myself. I don't think that I need help. I I can man up and push through it. And that sometimes comes with fatherhood too, the Dad, there is a lot of dads that kind of are like, I don't need help. I can figure this out. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:23]: I don't need to ask for help. I've always said that You've got a community of people that have been fathers that are all around you, and there's no reason why you can't go the to your neighbor, to a friend, and be very open and honest with them and say, you know what? I'm struggling with this. And have you ever dealt with this? Or . If you did, how did you deal with this? Because I'm having a lot of problems, but that's not easy. And it's definitely not something that is the Innately put into the personalities of most men that you're willing to be vulnerable in that way. So I commend you for taking that step for yourself, for your family, and being willing to put yourself first the In some ways, to be able to also put your family first because you knew that you had to focus on yourself to be able to be the dad that you wanted to be the and the husband that you wanted to be. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood five, where we ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready? Tim Cox [00:26:28]: I am ready. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:29]: In one word, what is fatherhood? Tim Cox [00:26:31]: I'm gonna follow what we've been talking about, and I'm gonna say learning. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:37]: When was the time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter? Tim Cox [00:26:42]: I think that there's different times where You feel that way, but just hearing some of the sweet things that she does where if she sees a the kid not playing with anybody. She's the one to go up to that kid and say, hey. Do you wanna play with us? And, like, you know, that's where I remember there was something like that, and my Doug. Wife and I, like, we looked at each other, and we were like, yes. We did this. Like, we succeeded here because she cared more about someone else the who wasn't involved in something, and I think I wanna say she was in kindergarten or 1st grade when that happened. And it felt really good to know that the She is a caring person, and we're teaching her the right way. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:24]: If I were to talk to your kids, how would they describe you as a dad? Tim Cox [00:27:27]: I believe they would probably the Talk about me being funny. That was one of the pages in her book that she wrote about me because I try and, you know, make them laugh. I'm goofy. I try and be as the fun of a dad as I possibly can. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:41]: Who inspires you to be a better dad? Tim Cox [00:27:43]: I think that's my father. He has done so much for me. Me. He's my stepfather, but he's my father in my mind. He's been in my life since I could talk, since I you know, they've been married since I was 5. The And he's such a great dad, and he's such a great papa to the kids that an inspiration for me to the Try and strive to be like that and also while being my own person at the same time. For example, the other day, my daughter, she has the spray paint chalk, and she asked if she could spray paint a couple, like, rows of bricks on our house by the garage. And knowing it's chalk, knowing it's gonna come off, I was like, I the I don't know if my dad would've let me do this, but what does it matter? Yeah. Go for it. And we now have some pink bricks on Firehouse by the garage. And it's not to say, like, he let me do a lot of the Fun Things. But those are the kind of things where I'm just like, you know what? It's not gonna hurt anything, and I'm just going to do it. So I try and also take the What I've learned from him and then add my own goofy touch to it, which he's also a very funny person too, which is probably where I get it from. But I think that's kind of where I get my inspiration. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:50]: Now you've given a lot of piece of advice, things that you've learned along the way with your own the Kids. As we finish up today, what's 1 piece of advice you'd want to give to every dad? Tim Cox [00:28:59]: I think the biggest advice is we're all human. We all make mistakes. No one's perfect. A lot of times on social media, people put out the most perfect version of themselves, and you have to realize that We're all in this together, and that's kind of where I think being involved with fathering together and all the the Dads that I became friends with from the dads with daughters groups and everything, I've really learned, hey. We're all doing this together. Doug. We're all learning, and you have to always be open to becoming a better version of yourself even when you think you're the perfect version of yourself. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:38]: Well, Tim, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing your own journey, and for being vulnerable with us and the Sharing some of the highs, the lows, and everything in between of the things that you've experienced with your daughter, and I wish you all the best. Tim Cox [00:29:53]: Thank you so much. It's very exciting to be on this, and I really appreciate you asking. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:57]: The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information the that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step road maps, the and more. You will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fathering together .org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today. Dads with Daughters is a program of Fathering Together. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:39]: We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week all geared Doc. To helping you raise strong, empowered daughters and be the best dad that you can be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:49]: We're all in the same boat, Don. And it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the the We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy s. Presents. Bring your AK because those the Kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, the Donnie. Be the best dad you can be!  

Welcome to today's episode where I had the privilege of speaking with Dr. Christopher Lewis, a pioneer in the world of fathering. As the mind behind the Dad of Divas blog, the co-founder of Fathering Together, and the host of the Dads with Daughters Podcast, Chris has been at the forefront of changing the conversation around fatherhood. Today, he's here to share his insights, experiences, and the journey that led him to where he is now. Thanks for joining us, Chris! A few things we touched on are how to deal with bullying and body image, staying connected with your kids, how being immersed in all this dad knowledge has changed his own parenting, and tons of other dad tips. Fathering Together: Visit Website Dad of Divas: Visit Blog Dads with Daughters Podcast: Listen Here Thank you, Chris, for sharing your insights and experiences with us, offering a beacon of support for fathers worldwide. Your dedication to fostering strong family bonds and supporting fathers in their journey is truly inspiring. Listeners, thank you for tuning in. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and share it with someone who'd appreciate this meaningful conversation about fatherhood. Spread the word, spread the positivity. -For website design, graphic design, internet marketing, and more check out McWilliams Marketing at ⁠⁠http://www.McWilliamsmarketing.com ⁠⁠ -Use Patnaik Realty for ANY real estate needs you have. I mean anything! Residential, commercial, property management, investments, acquisitions. He does it all.  Call Teek at 256-694-0117 or e-mail him at Teek@PatnaikCo.com -Go Check out Valley Leadership Academy and please consider sponsoring their new building! ⁠⁠https://www.valleyleadershipacademy.org/⁠⁠ -If you need some positive and encouraging support on your health and fitness journey, please join me at Relentless Positivity Fitness ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://fitandpositive.com/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/relentlesspositivity/message

Fatherhood is a unique journey that provides an opportunity to shape the lives of our daughters. In a recent episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, JP DeGance, the president of Communio, shared valuable insights on fatherhood, relationships, loneliness, and the importance of community in raising daughters to be strong and independent women. Impactful Moments of Fatherhood In the podcast, DeGance shared his experience as a father to eight children, highlighting the significant impact of fatherhood on his life. He emphasized how his relationship with his daughters has shaped his perspective on parenting. He touched upon the realization of a different connection and relationship with his daughters compared to his sons. Understanding the Unique Bonds DeGance discussed the importance of forming unique relationships with each of his children despite their different personalities and age ranges. He highlighted the significance of spending quality time with each child individually and fostering connections that are tailored to their individual needs and interests. This approach emphasizes the importance of understanding and supporting each child in a personalized manner. Challenges of Raising Daughters The discussion delved into the challenges of raising daughters in the modern world, particularly in terms of relationships, healthy partnerships, and the impact of societal changes on their well-being. DeGance shed light on the implications of the current cultural trends on daughters' perceptions of relationships and the importance of guiding them to discern healthy and meaningful connections. Insights on Loneliness and Community DeGance's organization, Communio, has conducted extensive research on loneliness, uncovering concerning trends in societal well-being. The study revealed alarming insights about the epidemic of loneliness and its impact across different demographic groups. Particularly, the podcast emphasized the importance of community and mentorship among men, highlighting the profound impact of having connections outside the family unit to combat loneliness and reinforce purpose in life. Cultivating Meaningful Relationships One of the key takeaways from DeGance's insights was the emphasis on cultivating healthy, purpose-driven relationships within the family and the broader community. He stressed the significance of modeling a parent-centered home rather than a child-centered one, highlighting the role of the marriage relationship as the foundation for trust and social trust in children. Guiding Fathers to Be Present DeGance shared invaluable advice for fathers, encouraging them to live life with their children and actively engage in their lives. This guidance underscored the importance of being present and actively involved in children's lives, especially during their formative years. In conclusion, JP DeGance's insights provide a comprehensive understanding of the impact of fatherhood, relationships, and community in raising strong daughters. His perspectives on building unique connections with each child, navigating the challenges of parenting, and the significance of community involvement offer valuable lessons for fathers striving to raise empowered and resilient daughters. As fathers, our role in shaping the lives of our daughters extends beyond mere presence. It encompasses creating a supportive and purpose-driven environment, fostering meaningful connections, and nurturing strong, independent women. Through prioritizing father-daughter relationships, active involvement, and community engagement, we can contribute to the holistic development of our daughters and empower them to navigate the complexities of the modern world with confidence and resilience. By embracing the insights shared by JP DeGance, fathers worldwide can deepen their understanding of their pivotal role in raising strong, empowered daughters and actively contribute to their daughters' journey toward a fulfilling and purposeful life. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad who wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, an interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more, you will engage and learn with experts but, more importantly, with dads like you. So check it out today! TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]: Welcome to Dads With Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast, where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Docs. Really excited to be back with you again this week. Every week, I love sitting down with you and being able to talk to you about this journey that we're all on called fatherhood. And it is a unique journey in many ways, but it doesn't have to be. There are so many ways in which we can learn and grow from the offered from the people that are around us, from other fathers, and this show is all about connecting you with other people's experiences to be able to help you to be the father that you wanna be and to help you to raise those strong independent women the that you have in your homes. Every week, I love bringing you different guests, different dads, and different other individuals with resources that can help you to do just that. And this week, we got another great guest with us. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:12]: JP DeGance is with us today, and JP is the president of Communio. He is also the founder and president. I should say, let me step back. JP DeGance is with us today, and JP is the president and founder of Communio. And we're gonna talk more about the organization and some of the things that they've been finding inside, like, a recent study that just came out about loneliness. And we're also gonna be talking about the fact that he's a father of 8. And I was talking to him before we started today and said that it just kinda blows my mind because I think 2 is enough for me, but 8 is a whole new game. So I'm excited to have him on. JP, thanks so much for being here. JP DeGance [00:01:52]: Hey, Christopher. Thank you for having me. It's great to be here with you. Thank you so much. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:57]: It is my pleasure having you here today. I love that we're able to talk about fatherhood and Communio. I guess, 1st and foremost, I wanna turn the clock back in time. I love being able to have this power when when I talk to people and being able to turn the clock back. And I know you've got 8 kids. I'd like to go back to that 1st moment. That first moment that you found out that you were going to be a father to a daughter, what was going through your head? JP DeGance [00:02:20]: You know, for us, it was number 3. And I'll tell you. It was funny. I told my wife brings this up to me all the time. She says, I see, oh, I'm gonna treat, you know, my kids the same. I'm gonna, you know, my son's daughter's gonna be the same. And then, I had my daughter, and I realized, we have a different connection, a different relationship. And I love my girls. JP DeGance [00:02:42]: I've I've we're we're all tied up. Chris for four boys and four girls. It's about as evenly distributed as you can. But being able to bond with my daughters and having daughters, I'm confident, makes me a better a better man. It causes me to want to be more in comparison to my sons, who I'll rough up. I relate a bit differently to my daughters, and it's been beautiful, not great. And my wife has called me out on it quite a number of times that you don't really treat them the same. Later on, I got a quote from my father That I love. He's like, you treat all of your children equally. JP DeGance [00:03:18]: You don't treat them the same. And I think that there's a lot of a lot of wisdom in that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:23]: I love that. Now a lot of dads that I talk to I talked to a lot of dads over the years, and a lot of dads say to me that having that daughter in their life. Is not only an amazing thing, but it also brings some fear with it as well. And I guess for you, As you look at the fact that you have eight kids four girls and four boys, what has been your biggest fear in raising daughters? JP DeGance [00:03:47]: Nobles. Because of my work, and you mentioned some research that we've been doing, I run an org and a ministry that really seeks to equip churches to champion and encourage healthy relationships, marriage, fatherhood, and healthy fatherhood. And as I've gotten into the data, you can't help but understand That there is a retreat from marriage that's occurring that's gonna affect our sons and daughters, and that means something, especially for our daughters and how they grow and Dom. And and how they discern healthy relationships. I think the culture has cheapened relationships and meaningful relationships. And so coming alongside my daughters to help form them is so that they can know what the healthy guy looks like and how to avoid problematic relationships and toxic relationships, and then form friend groups, right? That reinforces that. Right? My mom used to say, you know, you are. I'm sure I'm not the only one whose mom said this. Right? You are who your friends are, who you associate with. JP DeGance [00:04:51]: You often reflect in terms of your personality and who you are. So those are just some of those things that, you know, recognizing. You know, the reality is is even at Conley, and you think about college, no, today's college is now 60% women, 40% men, and in the last, most recent most recent class. And what that actually mathematically means as a dad is it's gonna be actually harder mathematically for our daughters to find a guy who is of historically speaking woman marries someone of the same academic attainment level. And that means, if her daughters pursue college, it'll become harder to identify someone just because it just becomes a math problem. These are just some of the things I think about. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:30]: Now with eight kids, I know that even with twoo kids, each child is very different. I'm sure that with eight kids, you've got many different personalities and many different perspectives. And as you father 8 children, you have to build those unique relationships with each one of those kids in different ways. How do you do that, and how do you balance being able to build those unique relationships with each of your children, especially based on the age range that we're talking about? JP DeGance [00:06:04]: We spend a lot of time together, a lot of our social time as a family. And the kids enjoy being around each other. These kids we, we fight. The kids fight. Right? The kids argue, and that's all normal. But I will say our 18-year-old, our 17-year-old, and our 15-year-old are strange in that they don't complain when it's family time and we're Doing something social and fun. That said, it's it you're absolutely right. It's critical to find that time where you can spend time together individually with dog. JP DeGance [00:06:34]: A child. So I do a number of things. I travel for work, not infrequently, and so I try to bring one of my kids with me on a work trip Periodically so that there it's just with dad. If I'm going out, I have to go to Montana periodically, and that's a fun place to go and drive around and see the natural wonder of that heart of the country, and I'll do that. I've I've had to go on trips to Denver. I'll take one child. And one of the things that we'll do is try to do different types of rites of passage kind of experiences with our with a kid with our children when they hit a certain age, particularly, like, right before puberty, you know, they go on a trip. With me. JP DeGance [00:07:10]: It's a son who goes with me, and the daughter goes with mom. And we make a trip away, and we do a bit of the bird and the bees, conversations and, you know, how life is gonna be changing and really try to lay the groundwork there. Then when they graduate high school, we've done this once Now. We'll be doing it again this summer. We've taken our oldest. We've just selected that point to be just a trip with an experience that we just do with a high school graduate and celebrate that moment, let them know how important that moment was and their achievement and and and, obviously, in our as a family of 8, really appreciate that time when it's just me and them Or me and my wife and my child. And so those are some of the ways. And then you, you know, every child, you're absolutely right. JP DeGance [00:07:57]: Every child is different. Right? They need different things. Okay. I've grown to notice that my sons and I are studying this area; they want to know If they're competent, they wanna know. If I think that they're competent, they're they're they're effective. They can do they can do things. And so frequently, that's part of how I reinforce the My sons and my daughters so frequently wanna know if, and they range again from age 4 to age 15. They wanna know if they are actually beautiful. Are they being reinforced? I think they're certainly reinforcing your self-image and, Letting her know that Dad knows that they're they're a beautiful young lady, beautiful inside and out, and that's important in a way. JP DeGance [00:08:39]: They react differently, my sons and daughters, on these things, and I've seen that as really important for my daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:45]: We talked about fears and how raising kids can be smooth sailing. It can also be challenging at times. What's been the hardest part for you In being a father to a daughter? JP DeGance [00:08:57]: Yeah. The hardest part of being a father to a daughter. My kids have struggled with dyslexia, sons and daughters. And realized that the traditional school model for us wasn't wasn't working for my daughters. What it wasn't working for my sons. I ended up having a series of conversations with a businessman that I thought very highly of, and he helped me open my eyes to thinking differently about education, particularly educating my daughters. Right? In the end, it led us to decide to alter what we were doing. We ended up Moving into a homeschool model where we could allocate capital for the kind of tutoring they needed and the kind of pace in the areas they needed. JP DeGance [00:09:40]: And that's been a really good thing. I think mom is really good at handling things like ways to dress and what have you. And so I don't have to do much of that. My wife is all over the stuff, and the and the girls, That's been a good thing for us, and the girls, I think, have, with some reluctance, taken to mom's guidance on such Dutch Things. Mom dresses well, and so they see that you can dress beautifully elegantly, and you can also dress modestly in those ways. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:12]: I mentioned that you were the president and CEO of Communio, and you sort of started to talk a little bit about what Communio is and what it focuses on. Tell me more about Communio, and then we'll talk about some of the research. I wanna hear more about the organization first. JP DeGance [00:10:28]: Sure. So we function like as a business to business, a b to b, so to speak, as a business model. So our customers always and everywhere, the local church. Okay. We equip the local church to evangelize through the renewal of healthy relationships, the Marriage, and the family. And a major part of, obviously, that is fatherhood. And so we do that through Coaching churches, training churches, and evidence-based strategies on relationship health. We do help produce No. JP DeGance [00:10:59]: A transformation in the mindset of pastors in the church is that investing in the strength of your marriage or your relationships is something everybody does. If you wanna be healthy, happy, and holy, no. And then that's what that's what one ought to do. And a big thing is part of that message is for men. Right? Heavily, on dads. If I love my children, One of the best ways for me to love my children is, whenever it's possible, to love the mother of my children more than my own children because when I do that, it spills over and has lifetime benefits on our children. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:33]: I mentioned the fact that your organization had been doing some research into loneliness. So talk to me about That and why your organization chose to start doing research on this topic. JP DeGance [00:11:46]: I've been startled like many of the Folks who've who've looked into space; we've got shortening lifespans. We are, as a country, when I was a kid. When you were a kid, people talk futurists saying, you know, maybe we're gonna live to a 100 or maybe a 110 in the future. It'll just be normal. No one ever thought 40 or 50 years ago that people would be short, living shorter and shorter lives. And that's that's where we are, particularly men as of recently, but it's also women. And we're heavily divergent from similar countries. So if you look at other countries of high wealth, we are having a sharp decline in our lifespan. JP DeGance [00:12:20]: That has a heavy relationship to the loneliness problem. In 2008, the first year in the United States, the surgeon general said that we had an epidemic of loneliness, and it's only increased. And so we work with our client churches to a small number of factors, no And one of those is loneliness, and there's something called the UCLA summary loneliness index. It's a 3 question tool that when you use it, depending on how you answer it, no If you score 6 or higher on it, you fit the public health definition of loneliness, which means your lifespan is basically the difference between dying in your the Mid-seventies to dying in your late fifties or, you know, right at sixty. Okay. And that's how significant it is. And and so. JP DeGance [00:13:03]: We wanted to make folks aware of what's going on with it. And, well, one of the things that stuck out sadly is some of the findings were it's not who you think Dog. Is lonely. Right? You would think it would make sense that it's the elderly and it's the widowed are the most likely to be lonely. And the reality is that the loneliest folks in the survey were the never married in their thirties and also the divorced in their thirties. Those were the two loneliest groups. They were lonelier than widows, and there was the loneliest group of widows were widows in their Fifties, which makes sense, and widowers and widows in their fifties, which makes sense. It's premature to have lost a spouse. JP DeGance [00:13:46]: That age, or maybe you're a recent empty nester, and so there's a major life change. But even still, someone who's 30, the 4-year-old who's never married, or 33 who's divorced. They're actually lonelier by a significant margin than those folks and Docs. Making sure, you know, when we talk to our client churches, like, this is something you need to be aware of. Right? Like, this is as a pastor, Doc. If you're talking about the importance of forming a heterogeneous community between singles and married, divorced and widowed, the Young and old. That should be a normal part of life in thinking through how to form those kinds of interlocking communities. The folks can have meaningful relationships and have the kind of purpose that flows from meaningful relationships that undo all of the horrible health effects of loneliness. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:34]: So, a part of the Organization that this podcast is all about is called Fathering Together, and we talk about the importance of building community. And this show is all about raising our kids. I think that things that you just said are things that we need to reinforce with our kids in many different ways. As your organization delves deeper into not only some of the causes and the groups that are being affected to raise the consciousness of society around us, it will be able to start making changes internally. But are there things that your organization may have identified that, as parents, we should be aware of To be able to reinforce with our own kids as they're getting older to help them not lead that lonely life the As they JP DeGance [00:15:22]: get older. Yeah. You know, first, it's critically important, and this is gonna sound to some listeners paradoxical. One of the most important things is not to build Not. A child-centered home, but a parent-centered home. And I mean that in the sense of whether there's a marriage in the home or you're parenting with a spouse, Dom. The most important relationship is the spouse. And when that happens, a child can actually feel safe and trust That our ability to form social trust, one of the big things that social scientists have uncovered is that our levels of social trust in America are in rapid decline. JP DeGance [00:15:55]: We first learned to trust others based on those most primal relationships with our parents. And then when we see it model the Father to the child, but then when the child sees the dad relating frequently to the spouse. And so what's key is to model a life where, no, you know, it's easy. Right? I've paid kids, but you can do this with two kids. You can revolve your entire life around youth sports, youth activities, academic competitiveness, anything that you want, whatever you want to turn fashion into the idol, I think. The reality is that when it's a child-centered home, You raise people who will become self-centered later. Okay? Because they see themselves, hey. The most important people in my life communicated that I was the most important person in my life. JP DeGance [00:16:48]: And then now I'm going out into the world, and I'm the most important person in my life. No. And the paradox of happiness is living for the other. We're wired deeply to live in some in a sacrificial way to not go out of our way for the other. That's what love is. And so I think a key in raising our daughter's dog. They see that we love their mothers and that we model the kinds of healthy friendships that should be in our lives. And then, obviously, that doesn't mean that you don't do your sports, and it doesn't mean that you don't want your child to be competitive and great at what they're doing. JP DeGance [00:17:25]: No. But rightly ordered is the key here that these things are held, intention. There's moderation in such things. So sometimes there is a hard decision that needs to be made that as a husband, right, I need it's maybe not the best thing for my marriage that I I don't see my wife For thirteen weekends in a row because we're doing travel sports every weekend. I'd not say that that being in a hyperbolic example. Right? And then if you're you're a single dad, okay, you're an unmarried dad, Then I think that that's important to model a life of moderation. Right? So that a child can see and live a life of moderation where the child is Nuts. Encouraged and supported by that relationship between father and daughter, if I can't trust that my dad's there for me, it spills over into lots of other areas of my life later as I grow up. JP DeGance [00:18:15]: And I can't then trust that a future person who pursues me, as a man pursuing your daughter in the future, It's harder for that daughter to trust in the relationship. It's harder for her to trust certain friendships or business in relationships Dog. So much of who we are is formed in our family of origin. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:34]: Appreciate that. Now, as you think about relationships with other men, In regard to the importance of having bonds with others as well, what is your study found about the importance of having those connections to people outside of your family that Can help you to stave off loneliness? JP DeGance [00:18:57]: Yeah. Look. I'm a huge fan. I'm a big believer in mentorship and community Among men. So I have had a friend group of other dads that range in age, that are ranged about a dozen years older than me and Dog. About a dozen years younger than me. And we're actually on a text thread together, and we'll text each other. We'll get together periodically, Socially, mostly, but sometimes we do, what you would consider a Christian small group activity, but it's certainly a mix. JP DeGance [00:19:27]: And I have benefited so much from just being pals with dads who have some kids who are Doubt. 10 years further ahead of the journey on me and being able to talk to him. Nothing structured and formal,, you know, being able to Go over for a barbecue and a beer and talk and talk about challenges of fatherhood and the Thinking of being thoughtful about forming our children is just incredibly important and incredibly important within the realm of loneliness. Right? There's so many, so many men. We are Wired, Richard Reeves wrote a book on boys and men. He's actually a progressive scholar but spends a lot of time writing about men. Dog. And it's his argument that I'm I kinda persuaded on that in a lot of ways, masculinity in its social manifestation is no A bit more fragile than femininity, and his argument is that you know, we're wired for purpose. JP DeGance [00:20:22]: Humans are wired for purpose. Right? And we derive our sense of purpose most frequently from being a husband and then being a father. Okay? And when we walk through life, and we got those 2 things out of our life, what you're seeing doc Is ex what researchers identified is this epidemic of loneliness because and you've got an explosive growth in opioids and substance abuse, men died, and liver cirrhosis. Doc. All of this is what happened. It's the social manifestation or the psychological manifestation of social phenomena where you no longer have that sense of purpose is now void, no And Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:54]: it needs to be filled with something. JP DeGance [00:20:54]: And frequently, it's found in forms of escape. And our role as a dad Should be for anybody listening; this should be a place where I derive a deep, deep sense of purpose in my life. Ideally, the Best outcomes occur when you're a married dad. But then, if you're not a married dad, then it's how do I find ways to function in a healthy way as frequently as I can as a single dad. And understand this is deeply who you are, Dog. And you've created another person. A daughter shares your DNA, half of your DNA, and her self-image, her mental health, her future decisions on who she couples up with, who her spouse is, her future feelings of loneliness or isolation or the lack thereof, Doc. Wrapped up in her relationship, whether you like it or not with her. JP DeGance [00:21:47]: And so that should actually, I don't share that to scare any of the listeners. No, I show that to encourage you and just know you've got a big job. We've got big jobs as dads. We're not replaceable. Nobody else can serve that role as a dad. And so the Latin phrase, be a man. We have to step up and be a man. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:06]: You sharing that. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood five. We're gonna ask the Five more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready? JP DeGance [00:22:14]: Yeah. Go ahead. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:15]: In one word, what is fatherhood? JP DeGance [00:22:17]: Fun. I don't know. I feel like it's a lot of fun. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:19]: When did you finally feel like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter? JP DeGance [00:22:24]: I read a book to my teenagers. I read we do a lot of read-aloud books, no, And we've done stuff like Tolkien and Baham. I picked a book called How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk. And I told my kids, and I told my daughter. I told my teenage boys and my teenage daughter that I read to them. I told them, look. It's too late for your mother, but it's not too late for you. And my daughter, at the end of it, okay, this is about as high praise as you can get. From a 14-year-old, she said, Dad, this is the 1st book you read to me that was interesting. JP DeGance [00:22:51]: And so I felt like knowing my daughter, that's, like, spiking the football. She's like, this is the greatest thing ever is what what that Dawson. So I felt like that was a major win. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:58]: I love that. I haven't read that book, but I think I might have to check it out. JP DeGance [00:23:01]: It's a great book. Read by my friend John Van App. He's a great scholar And a student of human relationships. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:07]: Appreciate you sharing that. Now if I were to talk to your kids, how would they describe you as a dad? JP DeGance [00:23:12]: I think they would say I'm the Don Juan. But I also know, you know, they'd say fun and that dad likes to teach us. And so because when we're eating dinner at the table, I'm usually we're doing pop Dog. Quizzes, whether it's on matters of deep importance or or matters of college football. It just depends. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:30]: Who inspires you to be a better dad? JP DeGance [00:23:32]: All 8 of my kids. I feel an awesome responsibility that I know Doc. No one will have a greater impact on our likelihood of living a healthy and happy life later than me and certainly their mother. But there's a lot of data. It says, particularly for our daughters, that there's this outsized major impact that dads play, and so I just can't help, but when I see my kids in the morning, especially my little 4-year-old, I can't help. Lucy, my youngest, is a daughter, and she runs the house, as my older kids all know. I Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:16]: You've given a lot of pieces of advice today. As we finish up today, what's 1 piece of advice you'd want to give to every dad? JP DeGance [00:24:21]: Live life with your children. And I mean that song, The Cats in the Cradle and the Silver Spoon. A little boy, blue, and the man on the moon. When you come home, son, I don't know when. I think so. Many times, it's so critical for us to abide and be around our children and enjoy when they're little to be with them And in the things that they love to do. Even though it may not be the most fun thing for us when our little ones are little push yourself to find the joy in playing and condescending to your daughters when they're really little. And because as you do that and continue to do that, As they get older, they will want to spend time with you, and you will want to spend time with them. JP DeGance [00:25:02]: The thing that I've gotten the most joy out of is actually these teenage years. Now that I am a college freshman, all of my teenagers actually enjoy spending time with me, and they like spending time with their friends. But when it's time to do something, they look forward to it. And they're okay with an occasional Friday night or Saturday night and dad, I'm watching some games with dad or or spending some time with dad. And that's all built on years of living life with them from a young age. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:31]: Well, JP, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your journey, for sharing this study. If people wanna find out more About you, about your organization, where should they go? JP DeGance [00:25:40]: Go to communio.org, particularly to get the study, which goes into the slowness of data, the Goes into a lot of interesting stuff. Particularly, it goes into a lot of research on fathers' impact on faith practice, Which for dads who are interested in understanding that, it's communio.org backslash study. It's the relationship with our earthly father. That has an impact on whether or not you believe that there's a heavenly father out there who loves you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:08]: Well, JP, I just wanna, again, say thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing and being able to help fathers to be able to see the importance of finding that community around them, and I wish you all the best. JP DeGance [00:26:18]: Hey. Thank you so much, Christopher. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:20]: If you've enjoyed today's Dads with Daughters podcast episode, we invite you to check out the fatherhood insider. The fatherhood insider is the resource for any dad who wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. The And the Fatherhood Insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, an interactive forum, step-by-step road maps, and more. You will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out atfatheringtogether.org. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:59]: If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today. Dr. Christopher Lewis: Dad's with Daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters And be the best dad that you can be. Dr. Christopher Lewis : We're all in the same boat, and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents. Bring your A-Game because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and musclemen. Get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

In a recent episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, host Dr. Christopher Lewis delved into an insightful conversation with guest Dai Manuel, focusing on the unique challenges of fatherhood, maintaining resilience in relationships, and embracing whole-life fitness as a means of self-improvement. As the father of two daughters and an advocate for holistic well-being, Dai Manuel shared his experiences as an "on-demand dad" and discussed the emotional journey of transitioning into the empty nest phase. In this blog post, we'll explore the valuable insights and practical advice shared by Dai Manuel on navigating fatherhood, fostering resilient relationships, and pursuing holistic fitness for a fulfilling life. Fatherhood and the Empty Nest Phase Dai Manuel candidly shared his experiences of fatherhood, particularly as his daughters have grown up and moved out of the family home, leaving him and his wife as empty nesters. As a father, he discussed the emotional challenges of letting go and acknowledging the everlasting nature of parenting, even as children grow older and become independent. He highlighted the importance of recognizing the evolving role of a parent and the continuous support needed by children, even into adulthood. Resilience in Relationships The conversation also delved into the impact of empty nesting on the relationship dynamics between parents. Dai Manuel emphasized the need for intentional, consistent, and persistent efforts to build resilience in relationships, especially during the transition to empty nesting. He shared insights on the importance of using specific language and establishing a dedicated weekly date night as effective tools for strengthening the bond between partners. Dai's recommendations of relationship books such as "The 5 Love Languages," "The Four Agreements," and "Conscious Loving" serve as valuable resources for maintaining healthy and resilient relationships. Navigating Parental Concerns and Relationships Dai Manuel reflected on the challenges of navigating parental concerns, particularly in his youngest daughter's relationship. Drawing from his experience in men's coaching and relationship work, Dai shared a meaningful conversation he had with his daughter about recognizing toxic behaviors in her relationship. He emphasized the significance of stepping in as a father to help children perceive situations that they may not fully understand. Additionally, he recommended the book "The Way of the Superior Man" and highlighted insights from it, which played a pivotal role in his conversation with his daughter. Embracing Vulnerability and Whole Life Fitness Dai spoke about the impact of vulnerability in fostering deep connections with his daughters and in his relationships. This vulnerability extends beyond parenting and into his brand new podcast, "The 2% Solution," which focuses on whole-life fitness. He emphasized the significance of engaging in physical, emotional, spiritual, relationship, and financial fitness as essential components of a fulfilling life. The podcast aims to provide actionable strategies that can be implemented in as little as 30 minutes a day, focusing on areas such as releasing trauma, clarifying values, and using fitness as a catalyst for overall well-being. Taking Action for Holistic Well-Being Dai Manuel's encouragement for incorporating a nutrient-dense green smoothie and 30 minutes of brisk walking into daily routines is a practical example of taking action for holistic well-being. He emphasized the positive impacts on sleep, stress management, food choices, physical changes, and metabolism, urging listeners to embrace these simple habits for positive transformation. In summary, Dai Manuel's insights offered a wealth of wisdom on navigating the empty nest phase, fostering resilient relationships, embracing vulnerability, and pursuing holistic fitness. His commitment to supporting fathers and individuals in their pursuit of well-being serves as an inspiration for all. As we navigate the complexities of parenthood and seek personal growth, Dai's advice and experiences serve as a guiding light for creating meaningful connections, building resilience, and embracing holistic well-being through intentional actions. Download Dai's Green Smoothies here Learn more about Dai here In the spirit of continuous improvement, the Dads With Daughters podcast extends an invitation to join the Fatherhood Insider and the Dads with Daughters Facebook community for ongoing support, resources, and connection with fellow dads. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today! TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]: Welcome to Dads With Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast, where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. I am really excited to have you back again this week, every week. I love being able to sit down with you and talk to you about the journey that you're on, share some of my own experiences, and really delve into the things that are challenging you and bringing people to talk to you about the journey that they have had the And things that they can offer to help your journey be even smoother than it may have already been. Every father comes to fatherhood in different ways. There's no one right way to father. We've talked about that numerous times in numerous episodes, Dog. And it's so true because the way that you fathered, the way that I fathered, is going to be just a little bit different. But that doesn't mean that we can't learn from one another. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:07]: That doesn't mean that we can't be vulnerable with one another and talk about our challenges because there will be challenges. It's not always going to be the Roses. It's not always going to be easy, but if you surround yourself with people who will help you, we'll lift you up. That is only going to help you be a stronger father and be there, more engaged, and a better parent in the end for your kids. Every week, I love being able to bring you different guests, different men, different people who have lots of different experiences that they can share with you. This week, I am really excited to be able to bring back the Repeat guest, Di Manuel, who is with us today. Di is a repeat guest. As I said, he was first with us on May 18th, 2020. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:58]: It's been two and a half years. Been quite a while. Things have changed in Dai's life, and we're gonna talk about some of those changes that have happened. We're Doc. We're also gonna be talking about some of the things that he's doing right now to support dads and people to be able to really change their mindset, Dog. Think about not only fitness, wellness, and more but really changing your mindset to moving yourself in the right direction toward whole body fitness. And when I say fitness, it's not just about exercise, so we're gonna talk about that too. Di, thanks so much for being here today. Dai Manuel [00:02:31]: Chris, man, I gosh. The Last time we chatted was, like, a new lockdown. It was. Crazy, right, to think about wow, dude. This is awesome. I mean, it's, no, but it's funny, right, because we're connected online. Right? Like, I see you show up in my feed regularly. I see each other commenting in different groups. Dai Manuel [00:02:49]: So I feel like We've been there all the time. You know? So it's, but it's nice to be here in this formal, wow, return guest. I mean, I'm just honored to be back again. I'm like, wow. Do I have something extra to talk about? I'm sure gonna try. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:03]: Well, as I said, things have changed since the last time we talked. And the last time we talked, your kids were you had one that was graduating. You had another that was still in high school and getting ready to keep going on in high Doc. Since then, they've both been out of the house. They're both doing their thing. They're adulting in their own ways, and now they have grown and flown. And I guess I wanted to talk a little bit about that and some of the new reality for you and your spouse and to talk about some of the things that you've had to do as your kids have moved out of the house to now be able to still be a be their dad, But maybe in a little bit different way. Dai Manuel [00:03:47]: DOD, the acronym. I'm a dad on demand. Alright? Docs. It's quite literally. You know, when I think about it now, my kids, are quick to ask for help when they need it, But that's about it. Otherwise, they're exerting their independence every which way they can. And you know what? Right on. Because I mean, I remember when I was 18 and moving away from home. Dai Manuel [00:04:10]: I moved all the way across the country. You know? At 18, I graduated high school, and I was okay. Peace out. I'm gone. Dog. And I literally went from Toronto, you know, like, on Ontario all the way to Vancouver, which is the furthest I could go on the West Coast. And so I remember the excitement, the exhilaration, but also the fear, right, associated with all that. Now, with my daughters, they're both still in the province, which is awesome. Dai Manuel [00:04:32]: So they're within distance. My one daughter, you know, literally an hour away. My other daughter is about 6 hours away. So I don't see them as much as I'd like to. Of course. That transition from them leaving home, That move-out day, because we moved them. We did. We moved both of them into the universities, one on campus, the other one renting a room and shared home. Dai Manuel [00:04:53]: And just the act of moving them and then driving away. It was really hard. I didn't realize how challenging it was gonna be. I mean, I remember my mom just bawling your eyes out that day that I was leaving to get on the plane to move to Vancouver. Right? Like, I remember just losing it and being like, What's up, Mom? What's wrong with you? You know? Like, don't worry about it. It's not like I'm dying here. I'm just I'm just moving. I get it now. Dai Manuel [00:05:19]: I get it. And, obviously, I didn't bawl like my mom did, but I shed some tears. There was this feeling of a clap and just being all choked up. And that's just the, I guess, part of life. Right? We all process it a little bit differently. It was much harder on my wife, full disclosure. It was definitely more challenging for her, especially when our 2nd daughter moved away because now it was, like, the 20 years of having kids around to no kids around. And what should be the 1st to say that I'm kind of a big kid? Dai Manuel [00:05:44]: But, anyway, I at least clean up after myself. But it's been just an interesting last few months. We're in a great place now. We talk to the kids regularly. We always have a Sunday night Zoom call, all of us on the call. We do message. We have a very active WhatsApp Family feed that we're constantly sharing. We also have a family feed on Instagram for us to share some of the funny posts that we're consuming. Dai Manuel [00:06:04]: And so there's lots of regular the contact still, but it's not that face to face like I was used to. So all that being said, it's just, I hate the cliche, but I'm gonna say it anyways. You know? Such as life, and it just goes on. Right? So but, yeah, that's that's more or less, you know, the update over the last few months because it's it's been interesting. The One Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:22]: of the things that I guess that I wanna follow up on and ask you about there is the fact that you and your wife are now empty nesters, the We're gonna say Right. You're out of the house, and it's just the 2 of you now. And that is a transition for many as you have gone from a dynamic of the 1st 4, then 3, and now just the 2 of you. How has that changed your relationships, and what have you had to do? To be able to fill that gap and maybe even reconnect in some ways now that the kids are not there. Dai Manuel [00:06:56]: Great question, Chris, because I also know that this is well, let's be honest. This is a big issue for a lot of couples. You know? When the kids move out of the house, I mean I, and I hate to say this, but we all sorta know what the underlying Reality is here. And a lot of times, parents stay together until the kids leave the home. I remember my parents, they did that for the longest as they could, but they eventually got to a place where it's like, no. Dog. My dad's mental health, my mom's mental health, they needed to split. But I know that it went on for years, trying to keep the family unit together. Even though the relationship between the parents, you know, was not something to emulate. Dai Manuel [00:07:32]: You know? Like, you could tell there are issues. So this whole piece around relationships and that dynamic constantly variable relationship, this romantic relationship, you know, between my wife and I, I have to be well, then I'm gonna share with you. You know, there's 1 thing that's helped us navigate this really well. And what I mean by that is it's the resiliency to deal with stress. That's what we're all looking to improve In every aspect of life, right, like resiliency, you can make yourself more resilient, being consistent and persistent enough To build up certain tolerances, if you will, or buffers. Right? And what I mean by that is, obviously, if you do some of that exercise and work out fairly regularly, You're gonna be on the far end of healthy. Right? So if you get sick or an injury, you're gonna shift back a little bit, but you might go from being uber-healthy to healthy. So you have a bit more buffer where, you know, some people might be struggling to be healthy. Dai Manuel [00:08:23]: They get a major injury or sickness. Woah. They go to unhealth very quickly. And so it's, again, building up resilience in all these different ways. And when it comes to our relationship, there's one thing that I think's given us a lot of resilience as a couple. And I think we might have shared about this before, but Chris, I use a certain type of language. Anybody who sees my social or hears me talking about my wife, I always say we've been dating for x amount of years. Like, I've been dating my wife now going on 23 years. Dai Manuel [00:08:50]: I am very selective with that language. I'm intentional with that language. Because my wife today, Chris, is very different than the woman I met almost 23 years ago. But if I didn't intentionally, with a lot of diligence and patience, but also a wanting to constantly reconnect. Rediscover all those aspects that are shifting in us if I didn't do that, obviously, that idea of growing apart. Is a reality, but we wanted to grow together, not apart. And for that, we had a dedicated date night that was nonnegotiable. Dai Manuel [00:09:27]: Both of our calendars every week, Saturday night, 5 to 11. Boom. Nonnegotiable. Like, we have friends that call us, and they'll be like, oh, no. It's Saturday night. We can only ask Diane Christie if we ask them as a couple. You know? It's not like one or the other. Dog. Dai Manuel [00:09:42]: But this has been really a godsend for us. You know? Like this dedicated evening every week, doesn't matter how busy life is, the How much chaos is going on around us or for us or into us. Right? We know we have this little oasis to look forward to where we have that intentional energy shared with each of us, between us. And so that has been one thing that has really helped us with the resiliency in our relationship. There are other things as well. For, I recommend people read the 5 love Languages and the four agreements, two great books that I highly recommend, and there's also a book called Conscious Loving. Those are three key relationship books I recommend to anybody and everybody who listens to me, and quite frank, you don't need any other relationship books. If you had those 3, you've got everything covered. Dai Manuel [00:10:26]: The Okay? But that's really it. That piece that's allowed us to sort of sustain that part of us, you know, as a couple. And since the kids have left, It's been even more important to honor that weekly date, if you know what I mean, because it is interesting because it was just so many opportunities for us to do things during the week When the kids are around. When the kids weren't there, all of a sudden, it's like saying yes to, you know, she might come home late after work, or I might do an impromptu workout with a buddy or Go for a bike ride. Like, before, we would have had this time to come together and meet and start preparing dinner, etcetera, and that's not happening as regularly now. And so intentional date night is even more important now than it was when we had kids, which is interesting. And I know some people are thinking, oh, that's Different, but, no, it's true. It really is true. Dai Manuel [00:11:08]: Because I can see how couples grow apart when the kids go away. I really do see that. So we're doing our darndest not to let that happen. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:15]: You talked originally about the kids and how you are letting them fly and that they are they're dads on-demand type of aspect. Dog. Talk to me about what you've had to do to let go because for many men, for many fathers, you want to still be a part of their lives, and you want to stay engaged, but as you said, dad on demand, and you have to give them that space to be able to do the things that they need to do to adult, to learn, to grow, but that's not always easy. So talk to me about what you've had to do to be able to get into that mindset or get yourself in that place where you can let go. Dai Manuel [00:12:00]: Wow. That's a great question. That's a really, really great question. And, you know, I'm like, geez. I wish I could've listened episode that gave me this information before. You know? So with us, actually, I'll bring it back a step for a second. The Wonder, how do I present? Well, I'm just gonna say it as it is. You know? Whatever. Dai Manuel [00:12:19]: I'll let that it'll come out in the wash. My daughter's both dating. Okay? They both had some boyfriends boyfriend. My eldest daughter just went through her 1st big breakup, so she's sort of in that state of being single again and figuring out what that looks like, but she's been in a long-term relationship for over three years with the same guy and great guy. We, like, became part of our family quite literally. And so us as his parents, Obviously, we could be very naive and think, wow. I thought they'd be together forever. You know, it's like she's barely 21. Dai Manuel [00:12:50]: Right? Forget about it. But There was that feeling of wanting to protect them emotionally and psychologically, being there to console them, to protect And guard them against any negative. But that was something that we had to try, and it's been easier for me than my wife. The Okay. She's had a hard time with this because we both have an idea of how she can handle things better. How can you handle the breakup a little bit better? What's the intention? Where are you going after this breakup? Like, really just asking some very specific questions that are challenging, but to also help her be more reflective, But also learn from this experience because that's the thing with kids. And, I mean, we can all probably attest to this. We've been in the exactly same place where it's like Done. Dai Manuel [00:13:34]: Moving on. Right? And it's like, well, listen. The only way we prevent patterns from happening again and again is you have to recognize there is a pattern or Set some intentions before a pattern is created. And so we found that wanting to have these conversations with our girls is very, very present for my wife and I, and we've had to stop trying to force those conversations. That has been one of the hardest things for us is to just let go and let them live their lives. Let them make mistakes because we see them making them. You don't believe me. Do you see what I'm making? I'm like, dude. Dai Manuel [00:14:08]: I've done that one, like, 10 times. You just listened to me. Maybe I could have saved you some Doesn't matter. They wanna do their thing, and it's been the hardest thing, man. Like, honestly, I struggle with it a lot. But a little case in point: As parents, I don't think we can ever 100% let go. We can. At least, I don't believe I can. Dai Manuel [00:14:25]: I think that would be impossible because I'm until the Day I die, they're still gonna be my little girls. You know? Like, I could be a 100-year-old. They could be, like, in their seventies, and they're still my little girls. Right? Like, whatever. I'm still gonna parent, though. And here's the thing. My youngest daughter has been in a relationship for a couple of years. The Guy's a really nice guy. Dai Manuel [00:14:45]: He's stand-up-ish, but he is young. Maturity isn't quite there yet because, I mean, they're both under 20. Right? Like, they're they're just young. But we've recognized that there's been some signs of toxicity in the relationship. Certain tendencies in communication, Dog. The way they talk to one another, the way that they communicate through text or TikTok or whatever they're talking through. Right? Like, There are just certain aspects that aren't respectful. And in fact, because of our knowledge and experience, you know, like, I work with a lot of men and I do men's coaching, etcetera, etcetera. Dai Manuel [00:15:18]: I've also done a lot of work for the last 15 years on myself when it comes to relationships. So I'm much more in tune and mindful of what I'm observing. And people are probably familiar with the four apocalypses. Right? The writers of, and I'm not talking about the biblical sense, but I'm talking about the relationship killers, You know, like stonewalling, right, or gaslighting. And there are certain habits that are killers when it comes to relationships, And that growth that we can actually experience being in a healthy relationship, you know, and we sort of, and it's often based around fear and insecurities and just not knowing a healthier way the doing things. We've started to recognize in our daughters some of these tendencies, whether they're on the receiving end or sometimes they're on the dishing end. And I had this great conversation with my youngest daughter where I don't normally meddle in relationship conversations. Okay, Chris? I don't. Dai Manuel [00:16:09]: I don't talk about that. I'm very surface when it comes to talking about relationships, and because I just know that that's something that they gotta work through, but also, being that they're girls, They relate better with my wife when talking about relationships. My wife is great with that. She likes dealing with that. So I know I'm sort of, like, the backup pinched hitter when needed. Okay? And I was needed. Coach put me in because we could tell that there was something very wrong, and there was a pattern that we wanted to deal with and address. I sat down with her. Dai Manuel [00:16:37]: You know, both of us are sitting there, but I just started to explain some of the things I was observing in her boyfriend, But also things I was observing in her, how they started to compromise on some of their values. Some of the things that they were attracted to initially are now becoming so biased to one way, meaning very controlling type of things, wanting to know where they're at because they're also in a distance relationship right now. So some of these added pressures have now been added in, and so we brought this up with her and educated her, but also empowered her with some language around this. And this is the win. A week later, she came back and said, I had a conversation with them, and it went amazing. We're both working on it. Like, just to see them take that, which was really sensitive, especially Giving them some relationship advice, right, or coaching or mentorship, but seeing her receive it and then actually go and try to apply it. It was like A very proud moment for me when I got them to pat me on the back. Dai Manuel [00:17:30]: I was like, yeah. It went. But even my wife, after the fact, she's like, you know what? That was exactly what she needed to hear. I don't get involved in those conversations very often, but when I do, I'm very specific in what I'm observing and try to share it in a way that's not antagonistic, more reflective, and more inquisitory. Right? Like, I'm here to ask more questions to help her come to that discovery. And so everything that I'm sharing right now, hopefully, is just giving people ideas of ways to maybe navigate some of the harder conversations because this is really when we start talking about vulnerability, right, and that ability to utilize vulnerability as a skill to deepen connection and understanding and relatability. So, yeah, that's really it right there. But I mean, I don't know if that answered your question fully, but I touched on it from both sides of the fence. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:15]: I think that so often, dads would not step into those conversations because you wanna give them that space. You want them to learn and grow. You want them to sometimes fail, but I love what you said there that there are times when you need to step in, and you need to show leadership, and you need to be able to help your child to be able to see things that may be right in front of them, But that they can't see. Dai Manuel [00:18:43]: Exactly. Spot on. And to be fair, I also the There's a book I recommend to a lot of men, and you could be a father or not a father. It doesn't matter. This book will be relevant, but it's called The Way of the Superior Man by David Dita. And just so you know, I know when I brought that book home the 1st time, my wife's like, what a chauvinistic book. She just looked at the title, and it does. It sounds extremely chauvinistic, But it is not what you think. Dai Manuel [00:19:07]: The way the superior man is really about this idea of what it means to be a great man or how to continuously evolve into a better version of oneself. But this speaks from a man representing a man's standpoint in their viewpoint. Great book. And so I had just reread that. So There were also some insights that I gleaned from that that I remembered from a couple of the chapters that was literally I could put it side by side what my daughter was the in her relationship. It was like the exact example shared in the book. So that also helped me with articulating, but also painting the picture. Sure. Dai Manuel [00:19:40]: But also Chris is the big one. And to echo exactly what you said, this idea about vulnerability and being able to step in, I shared some of my own past experiences where either I was on the receiving end or on the giving end and explaining how it made me feel and how it affected my relationships in the negative. So, being able to share that intimate knowledge with my daughter was also a piece that I could see just in her eyes when we were sharing that. It was just like it registered. Like, it was like, okay. I get it. This isn't like it's just a problem that I'm dealing with. This is a problem that everybody deals with. Dai Manuel [00:20:11]: Even my dad dealt with it. And I think one thing I've had to take The heart is I've been very selective about some of the past stories I share with my kids. You know? Like, until I did my TEDx talk a couple of years ago On vulnerability, but actually speaking about my challenges with alcohol for a good 15 years of my life, my daughters had no idea about that, and a lot of the things I shared in that talk. And I remember the day I gave that talk to them as a dry run-in one of my rehearsals the week before I actually went on the stage to do it. And remember their tears welling up and crying from a place of love, understanding, and respect. And, that was the best hug I ever had. In fact, the delivery of my TEDx Duck was far better than the one I did on the stage. But, again, it's all about this idea of sort of tapping into some of these emotions and learning how to better articulate them. Dai Manuel [00:20:58]: It is not easy at all. Full disclosure: it's hard, but it's also extremely worth it. And so I'd want to encourage and invite people to start doing it. Don't worry. You can't Chew this up. Okay? You can. Just the fact that your kids see you trying, wow, it will be inspiring, and it will bring you closer together with your kids. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:15]: Speaking of that TEDx talk, it makes me wanna transition and talk a little bit about your brand new podcast because you did just the Share that TEDx Talk on your podcast, The 2% Solution. And I guess, first and foremost, I mean, you've been out there for quite some time. Dog. You know, you've shared videos and, you know, you've done a lot on fitness and working with men and women, just people that want to live healthier lifestyles. And Now you've brought what you have been sharing from an exercise end, wholesale cyclical Doc. To the point of now talking about what you're calling the 2% solution. Talk to me about that. What is your goal with this podcast? Why now? And why is it important to get this message out? Dai Manuel [00:22:02]: Thanks, Chris. Well, first of all, my book that was published a while ago is now Doc. It was called the Whole Life Fitness Manifesto, and it was a resource that allows people to better understand how to get started with creating more whole-life health and well-being for themselves. And what I mean by whole-life fitness is that fitness is an action. It's an activity that will help move the needle forward in certain areas, in particular, health areas. Right? Like, we wanna see blood pressure decrease well. Start walking 5 times a week for 30 minutes a day, you know, drink some extra water, and increase your fiber intake. Wow. Dai Manuel [00:22:36]: Look. All of a sudden, those markers start to improve. So we can quantify things quite nicely, But we can also qualify based on how we feel once we've achieved the result. But this is more than just physical fitness. We can talk about emotional fitness. We can talk about spiritual fitness, Relationship fitness, and financial fitness. Right? This really implies the activities we're doing to see those areas get stronger, Healthier, and more resilient because it does imply intentional actions to see the results through. But a lot of us get confused. Dai Manuel [00:23:08]: What's the best action to start with? How often do I do it? The How do I do it? Why the hell do I even rather do this? You know, like, there there's all these big questions that sometimes we just skimp over. We don't give the the necessary Dime or attention to really get clear with ourselves on what's the path in front of us. A lot of the time, we just feel like we're bushwhacking. We got a big machete, and we're just trying to get our way through it as best we can, but it is not a very efficient way to travel. You're gonna get really tired, and you probably will give up because it's not very fun. The Whole Life Fitness Manifesto teaches people how to leverage 2% of every 24 hours. That's where the 2% solution comes in. 2% of every, 24 hours is almost almost 30 minutes a day. Dai Manuel [00:23:49]: So it's really 30 minutes. I just tell people 30 minutes. I'm rounding up a little bit, but it's 30 minutes a day of intentional activities to see your physical body, your mental and emotional body, as well as that spiritual body. And all these parts of you gain resiliency. Get healthier. The 2% Solution podcast is just an extension of that where I'm now talking to different guest Docs on different subjects and sharing some great actionable tips and strategies that can be applied in as little as 30 minutes a day. To see improvement in the area that those subject matter experts are speaking to. Also, on every Monday, I've got a Monday motivation, super short. The Episode is always less than 7 minutes, which sets you up mindset-wise for the week ahead. Dai Manuel [00:24:34]: And then Fridays, I have Fit Tip Fridays which sets some healthy intentions for the weekend. Because I know Mondays and Fridays are important days to get the mindset right. Monday for the week that we're about to experience, the Friday because usually, the weekends are when people let themselves go. It's a weekend, which is a break from the week. You know? It's like my vacation from the week, and that's often where I find my clients would let their guard down, their intentions down, and awfully undo, unfortunately, a lot of what they did during the week. And then they start the week over again, feeling like they're right back at 0 again. And it's like, oh, no. Let's. I'm gonna help you with this. Dai Manuel [00:25:09]: And so those 2 short episodes on Monday and Friday are really to get the mindset in the right place And give you actionable tips and tricks and strategies to take in the weekend. So it's 3 episodes a week. And why? Because I want to the Fire, motivate, and educate people, and I am always gonna strive to do it in a fun way. And what better avenue than a podcast? So that's Really It. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:29]: So you've put out a number of different episodes already, many of which have been the chapters of your book in talking about some of the things that you should be thinking about. Dog. And you've gotten to almost pretty much the end of the book in regards to those episodes. So what's next, and what is coming next the As you go down the path, you talked about the Monday Friday, but you're gonna have that midweek episode too. But what's the plan for the future? Dai Manuel [00:25:56]: Well, there are a few different aspects. I've recognized that this is really my own frustration. So out of my own necessity, I felt this idea is every time I have a guest on, we co-create an action sheet, a 1-page actionable sheet That summarizes the key things shared in the episode but also gives some actionable steps to start to implement the Some of the things talked about, and all those activities will always be less than 30 minutes a day. These resources will be accessible in the 2% Collective, which is the community of the 2% solution, and it's free for people to join. And, because, again, I want people to have access to the information so they can do something to see life get better. Because life only gets better when you start doing things. Okay? You can sit there and try to manifest the best life in the world, and that's great. You might have a very positive mindset, but unfortunately, just thinking about things doesn't necessarily make things Happen. Dai Manuel [00:26:54]: So we need to think about it. We need to reflect on it. We set some intentions, but now we go forward and do something. And so that's really the premise of the Podcast is to inspire people to do the right things for the right reasons to produce the right results. And in that, I feel I'd live in my purpose. Like, really, that's what it boils down to. I feel very fulfilled putting this kind of content out. And so in the future, I've already got over 100 people that have applied to be a guest. Dai Manuel [00:27:18]: So I've got plenty of amazing experts in so many different areas. I just recently had a conversation with somebody about some of the best strategies to release trauma In a healthy, constructive way, as well as how to use fitness. I just talked to somebody about the 3 best questions to ask if you wanna get very clear on what your values are. So there are all these sorts of types of people that are gonna be coming on to share this wisdom. And so, yeah, I'm just excited to be the conduit to get people the right Stop. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:44]: So let's talk action then. Right now someone, you know, so a person's listening, they're hearing this, they're saying, okay. I'm gonna check out this podcast, but today, I'm listening, and I wanna do something. I wanna do something to just start moving in the right direction. What's one thing that they can start doing today that'll start to kind of turn the tide in helping them to find that whole life fitness for themselves. Dai Manuel [00:28:10]: Well, there are two things I ask people to do a lot of the time. 22 little things. 1 involves fuel. The second one involves activity, and the 2 are not mutually exclusive, by the way. Okay? They tend to feed each other quite literally. But the first one is to start your day with a green smoothie. Just every day, have a green smoothie. People are like, well, what kind of green smoothie? What do I put in it? Don't worry. Dai Manuel [00:28:31]: I've got a free book on that. I've got a recipe book with 10 of my favorite green smoothie recipes. It's free. People can have it. I'll provide you with the link, Chris. You can share it in the show notes. So everybody's listening, you can get a copy of this. So there we go. Dai Manuel [00:28:44]: Get rid of that excuse. Right? I don't have the time. Yes. You do. Because here's the thing. It's starting your day with this injection of nutrient dense Food. And it's in a liquid form, so it's easier to consume. You can do it on the fly because I hear so many people; oh, I don't do breakfast because I'm just too busy. Dai Manuel [00:29:01]: Just, like, I can't. Mornings are too chaotic. Gotta get the kids to the school. I gotta do this, that. Yo. You need a good meal to start your day. A green smoothie is the best that I found, it works great for my lifestyle. I've been doing this for over 15 years. Dai Manuel [00:29:15]: This is how I start my day every day, and it's awesome. And I tell people, do it for two weeks and tell me it doesn't make your difference. So that's the challenge. Throwing down the gauntlet right now. Okay? Do it for 2 weeks. Now, 2nd to that, if you wanna really get even more out of this 2-week commitment, I invite people to walk for 30 minutes every day Outside at a brisk pace. I mean, it's not just some sort of saunter. Right? Like, you're you're going with the intention of elevating the heart rate a bit, Doc. Dai Manuel [00:29:42]: So you feel like you're actually working. And so just 30 minutes, and I always say listen to a podcast like Chris', you know, or some the piece of information. So you're at least injecting something positive into your mind while you're doing your walking. I know it's technically 3 activities, but it's really just 2, but 2 are as one. So that would be it, and I invite people. Just do that for 2 weeks. And I know they're probably thinking, well, I mean, I don't have to work out at the gym. I don't have to, like, you know, measure my food. Dai Manuel [00:30:06]: Like, the Hell no. Okay. Like, it's about doing something that's realistically going to move the needle, but also, I want you to feel how simple it was to move that needle. I want people to experience a win that feels more effortless to attain. And this is believe me. After 2 weeks of doing this, you're gonna start to sleep better. You're gonna be managing your stress better. You're gonna be making better decisions around your food because you start your day with something healthy. Dai Manuel [00:30:31]: It gets the energy in a great place. When you're feeling great, you don't wanna stop feeling great. So you instinctively will start to choose different fuel sources just automatically because of how you're feeling. Also, because of the movement, you're gonna start to see physicality change. Your heart rate's gonna get better. You're gonna handle stress a little bit more effectively because you're actually releasing a bit of stress. You also start to boost your metabolism. So you start to have more metabolic health, meaning that you're using a lot more of those calories you put into your body as well for a healthy thing. Dai Manuel [00:31:03]: These are just some of the high-level stuff that you can expect within just as little as 2 weeks. And then after two weeks, oh, believe me. There are so many different things you can do, but that's a great place to start. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:12]: Well, I appreciate that. I love that you threw down the gauntlet, and we'll definitely put a link in the notes today with your green smoothies and definitely, challenge Domino's. People to take you up on that challenge. Now if people wanna find out more about you, about your podcast, Where should they go? Dai Manuel [00:31:30]: On my website, Diamondwell.com or any social platform, Diamondwell. It's a nice thing about having a really Weird unique name. It's unencumbered everywhere. I'm the only one, but Dae is a Welsh name for David, dai. Manuel is Portuguese. It's m a n u e l. If you can spell it somewhat right, don't worry. You'll find me. Dai Manuel [00:31:50]: But as far as social, I'm most active on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram. Those are my three primary platforms. The primary ones that I tend to hang out on the most are my website, where I have lots of content and free resources. Over 1500 articles I've published over the last ten years. We're all geared toward helping people optimize their happiness, fulfillment, and joy in life. And so I always say, hey. Good luck, but it is a bit of a rabbit hole. So, when you go down the rabbit hole, be prepared. You're gonna get lots of great information, but you might find you're losing some time. Dai Manuel [00:32:19]: And I've had people message me like, oh my gosh. I was in there to read 1 article, and I ended up being on there for 2 hours. So, like, I always say thank you. And then, 2nd, thank you. Anyways but thanks for asking, Chris. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:30]: Although, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your story today about you and your daughters, the challenges that have been happening at your own home, and how each of us can find fitness in our own lives in small, independent ways; I wish you all the best. Dai Manuel [00:32:46]: Chris, thank you, and it's an honor to be back. Thank you for having me back, but I can't wait To switch roles and have you as a guest on my podcast; I'm throwing down another gauntlet. Boom. So those that are listening, You make sure you follow up with Chris to make sure he's getting on my podcast too. Anyway, I can't wait to have you on to talk about being a father with daughters, but especially the organization that you've cofounded, Fathering Together, and some of the amazing things you're doing there because that is something that we all need to learn more about, and I can't wait to have you on. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:18]: If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the Dads With resource for any dad who wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. The And the Fatherhood Insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, an interactive forum, step-by-step road maps, and more, You will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out atfatheringtogether.org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:04]: Dad's with Daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters And be the best dad that you can be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:16]: We're all in the same boat, and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents. Bring your A-Game because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and musclemen. Get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

In a heartwarming and candid episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, the seasoned comedian Chris Zito shares his experiences, triumphs, and struggles as a father. From navigating through his daughter's remarkable accomplishments to supporting her through a significant life transition, Zito's journey as a dad is touching and inspiring. Join us as we delve into the insightful conversation with Chris Zito, exploring his approach to being a supportive father, a dedicated advocate, and a successful entertainer. Becoming a Father at 19 Chris Zito's journey into fatherhood began at the tender age of 19. He openly discusses the initial fear he felt about not being capable of loving his child and the challenges that came with being a young parent. Zito's honest reflections shed light on the anxieties and uncertainties that many young fathers may face, emphasizing the importance of addressing these fears and embracing the journey of fatherhood with openness and resilience. Navigating Fear and Challenges As Chris Zito's children grew and reached different life phases, he grappled with ongoing fear and challenges. He discusses his unique approach to living with and understanding fear, highlighting the significance of staying present and acknowledging past successes in overcoming fear. Zito's wisdom is a source of encouragement for fathers who may be confronting their own fears and uncertainties in the parenting journey. Unique Relationships with Each Child One of the most endearing aspects of Chris Zito's story is the distinctive relationships he has built with each of his children. From a daughter living in an RV to a son living far away with two daughters of his own, Zito's ability to connect with his children under various circumstances is both heartening and relatable. His lighthearted approach to sharing jokes and experiences of fatherhood with his children serves as a reminder of the importance of maintaining strong, supportive connections with kids, regardless of the physical distance. Supporting a Transgender Child A poignant and significant part of Chris Zito's narrative revolves around his daughter's transition. Zito grappled with his initial reactions and fears, ultimately emphasizing the importance of support and understanding for his daughter's journey. He provides a candid glimpse into navigating medical appointments and finding a delicate balance of support and time for his daughter. Zito's experience shines a light on the complexities of parenthood, especially when it entails providing unwavering support for a child going through a significant life transition. Balancing Comedy with Family Life As a seasoned comedian, Chris Zito challenges incorporating his family's experiences into his stand-up material. He acknowledges the delicate balance between honesty and humor, especially when it comes to integrating his daughter's transition into his comedy. Zito's honest portrayal of this balance resonates with many fathers navigating similar professional and personal juggling acts. Chris Zito's journey as a father encompasses a multitude of emotions, challenges, and triumphs. His resilience, unwavering support for his children, and candid storytelling serve as a source of inspiration for fathers everywhere. Through his experiences, Zito underscores the significance of being an engaged and supportive father, especially during adversity and change. His heartfelt anecdotes and wisdom on navigating fatherhood create a heartwarming and insightful narrative for Dads with Daughters listeners to embrace and appreciate. This podcast episode sheds light on Chris Zito's personal experiences and invites fathers to contemplate their journey in raising strong, independent daughters. With humor, compassion, and unwavering dedication, Zito epitomizes the essence of fatherhood - a journey filled with love, challenges, and immeasurable growth. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today! TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:05]: Welcome to Dads With Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast, where we bring you guests to actively participate in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong, Independent Women. Really excited to have you back again this week. As always, we're on a journey together. This is an opportunity for us to talk and work with one another. And every week, I love being able to sit down with you and talk about the journey you're on To raise your daughters. And I've mentioned this many times, but as you get older, as your kids get older, there are going to be those phases, those ebbs and flows, the ups and downs, and I love talking to you about this. It's important that we talk about this because there's no one right way to father. There are many ways that you can father, and you can learn about the many people around you, but also, every week, I love being able to have different dads joining us and different people who are joining us that can help you along that journey, and you can learn from them as well. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:20]: This week, we got another great guest. Chris Zito is with us, and Doc. Chris is a father of 4. He definitely has kids that are grown and flown. We're gonna talk about that. But definitely, we're going to have some opportunities to learn from his own experience and help you in the journey that you're on. Chris, thanks so much for being here today. Chris Zito [00:01:37]: My absolute pleasure, Chris. Thanks for inviting me. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:39]: It is my pleasure having you here today. I love to start by first being able to have the power to turn the clock back in time. And wouldn't we all like that at at points in time? But I would love to have you go back to that 1st moment. That first moment that you found out you were going to be a dad to a daughter, what was going through your head? Chris Zito [00:02:02]: Well, first of all, I was 18 when I got that news. I was 19 when she was born. You know, I always joke that Dog. I went to college for 1 year. I majored in psychedelic drugs and got my girlfriend pregnant. So it was not the ideal way to begin fatherhood. Dom. But the other thing I always say about her is that she was unexpected but never unwanted. Chris Zito [00:02:22]: Because even growing up, Dog. I knew I wanted to be a father. I wanted to have my own family. I just didn't expect it to start as early as it did. And, of course, I also had no idea exactly what I was in for. Doug. I used to make this joke in my stand-up act about how her parents were freaking out. My parents were freaking out. Chris Zito [00:02:39]: She and I weren't even freaking out as much Docs. Because we had no idea. You know, I said to my dad, we're in love. We don't need money. He said, oh, that's great because you won't have any. And, of course, he was right; the poverty got boring in a hurry, but so that was hard. I didn't know that it was gonna be a girl until she was born. This was before gender reveal parties, and even people found out through ultrasound what the gender was gonna be. But so, for me, it was a typical first-time father. Chris Zito [00:03:07]: Doc, I had no preference. I wanted a healthy child, and so that's what we got. And I should work as I often as I do in just about every conversation. That Baby grew up and today has a Ph.D. Doctor Kagoshawl, as I often refer to her. That's her married name. And so I like to throw because I gotta tell you, Chris. When something like that happens, I blame the parents. Chris Zito [00:03:27]: Like, to take a little credit if something goes Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:29]: right. Right? You definitely wanna do that and take credit where credit where you can, but also help to raise up your daughter and shout from the rooftops, Docs. When things are going well, especially in this world of social media, sometimes that's good, and sometimes that's bad. It's not always a good thing, you know when people tend to see only the positive things that are happening in people's lives, but, you know, it is something that we deal with. Now I know that; as you kinda said, you didn't know what you didn't know. And every dad goes through that as you go into it. And a lot of dads that I talk to talk to me about being fearful, Especially when it comes to having a daughter. So what was your biggest fear in raising daughters? Chris Zito [00:04:11]: Well, I can tell you that while her mother was pregnant. And I had never been a father before. I had this fear that I wouldn't love this kid. I mean, that was something that just kinda came out of nowhere. I honestly thought, well, what if the baby is born and I'm just kinda, nah, whatever? Now, of course, that was not the case. It was much more like love at first sight. It was an immediate connection. It was, as I'm sure you've heard a lot of fathers say, that's up there with the best days of my life, especially her because that's when I became a father. Chris Zito [00:04:38]: But, of course, I Dog. I had this feeling of wanting to protect her and wanting to the early part of her life because I'm a guy in recovery. I'm a recovering alcoholic, And I got sober when she was about 7 or 8. So the 1st part of her life, I wasn't as thoughtful of a father as I would become later on in her life. So a lot of times early in her life, my big fear was that, do I have enough booze in the house because they don't sell anything on Sunday? But I also had a lot of fear of financial insecurity, the Constantly chasing rent, and, I mean, we probably moved every year the 1st 5, 6 years of her life because the rent would go up, And then we'd go out and get a lousier apartment until things started to get better. And when I talk now to young dads, I talk a lot about that fear because I was a young kid. I was derailed in my college career. I didn't have a career. Chris Zito [00:05:28]: I was barely employable. We didn't have any money. But one of the things that I learned as years went by, and I've met so many fathers over the years. And now that I talk to dads, I find that that man becomes a father for the 1st time later in life. Let's say a guy's pushing 40, and he gets the news that he's gonna be a father. He has a career, some money in the bank, and a dog. And when I talk to these guys, they express the same fear that I remember having, and that's what I tell young dads. Like, it doesn't matter your circumstances. Chris Zito [00:05:59]: No, this fear is gonna come up because you always feel like, is it enough? Is it am I giving my kids enough? Am I gonna have enough? Are they gonna be well-fed? They're gonna be well dressed? Are they gonna be well educated? Are they gonna be well prepared to have a successful life? I mean, Those are huge questions. That's a really big thing, and that's what makes the job so important. Those are big, big questions. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:22]: They are big questions, and I think every dad struggles with them. You know, your kid goes off after high school to whether it's to college, whether it's to trade, whether it's to work, And you start to see them spreading their wings a bit, and there's a fear at different points in your kids' lives. The fear that you have when your child is first born, as they go to school for the 1st time, as they get into middle school, as they get into high school, as they go off into college, the Each of those phases, each of those times in their life, the fear is just a little bit different. And then as you're I'm I'm sure, and you can you can the Talk to this a lot more than I can right now. Once your child gets beyond high school and whether they've gone to college or not, then They go out on their own for the 1st time. There's more fear. And so I think that fear doesn't just end for a parent. It's always there. Chris Zito [00:07:18]: Well, that's why I mean, I feel like, you know, we're never gonna be able to eliminate those fears completely. So what I tried to learn how to do, and I learned a lot of this in recovery, is learning about what causes the fear, how to live with the fear, and how to diminish the fear. And the thing about fear is that everybody that you meet, when I talk to dads about their fears, I maybe don't know their specific fear, but I know where it lives because all fear lives in the future. Everything we've ever been afraid of, it's always something that hasn't happened yet. So one of the first things I point out to these dads is we're here together tonight. Every fear you've ever experienced, whether it came true or not, every disaster, every catastrophe, every emergency, every difficult situation you've ever faced, you made it through. You made it through all of those, and the evidence is that you're sitting. We're all here together tonight. Chris Zito [00:08:04]: So we've all made it this far, and that's something that's important to remember when a fear pops up In my day, so first of all, talk a little bit about mindfulness. I don't like to use that word because it kinda conjures up this sort of DATSON. It seems so complicated, but the way I put it is, I'd like to keep my head where my feet are. And so then I'm living in the now. So if I'm in the now, what's gonna happen next, dogs? It isn't as fearful. Doesn't create that fear. The fear comes when I'm thinking about what's gonna happen next so much. Chris Zito [00:08:33]: But if I'm the Keeping my head where my feet are, it's not gonna happen as much. I can stop, and I can pause, and I can remember all the evidence that's behind me that tells me I'm gonna be able the get through whatever's coming next. And that's immensely important to remember. It's so easy to forget when the fear comes up that, oh, yeah. I faced this fear before, and guess what? And you know what? Everything worked out. Maybe not the way I thought it would, but we're still here. So that's the good news. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:58]: That is the good news. Now I mentioned at the beginning that you've 4 kids. Each one of your children is different from one another, and they come, as you talked to me before, from 2 different marriages. And so every father with multiple kids has to be able to develop those relationships in unique ways and maintain those relationships, the has to build them throughout their kids' lives and maintain them throughout their kids' lives. Talk to me about what you had to do as your kids were growing, but even now that they're adults, you have had to do to be able to build those unique relationships with each of your children. Chris Zito [00:09:33]: Well, they all live in such different situations, too, So it sorta comes naturally. Like doctor Coggeshall, who I mentioned, she and her husband sold their house, and they bought an RV. And they live in an RV. They both work, Doc. Remotely. They're both well-educated. They're both professionals, but they work remotely. And so they live in this RV. Chris Zito [00:09:51]: It's like them in an RV park, And they're the only ones under 70. You know? Almost the only ones under 70. And so whenever I talk to her, it's about that life that she's chosen, And she just sounds so happy doing it. It just blows my mind. I get off the phone with her. I guess she just sounds so happy. You can't ask for more than that. Now my son, who's about to turn 40, has two daughters. Chris Zito [00:10:14]: He's given me two granddaughters. Now that's the great news. The bad news is they live in Pensacola, Florida, and I live in Massachusetts, Dog. I get to see them that often. And he and I talk a lot about being a dad. He's the only one of my children that has children, and so I always joke with them. You know? I always tell them, you know what, Ben? You gotta remember. You come from a long line of dads. Chris Zito [00:10:35]: So make sure that you're, you know, I mean, the name of my podcast, and my talk is Doc. Like it's your job, and so we talk a lot about fatherhood. It was typical. I had that same experience when I became a father. My relationship, the way I saw my father, changed dramatically quickly once I became a father. So he and I talk a lot about His daughters and the younger one I hear from all the time. With today's technology, she sends me these videos on Facebook Messenger, and she'll reach out. And we FaceTime all the time. Chris Zito [00:11:06]: The other one just turned 14, and she has about as much time for me as she has for a dad. So now the ones that are home, my daughter Mackenzie is the 23. She's about to graduate from college. Her big concern is trying to find a job in her field and maybe move out. And so my wife and I tried to reassure her. We don't have a calendar where there's no clock ticking. You know what I mean? I think she feels like the day after she walks to get a degree, her bags are gonna be packed at the front door, so we try to reassure her because I don't know if you've looked at rents out there or you know. I mean, it's it's hard for kids to get out on their own. It's harder than ever. Chris Zito [00:11:41]: And then, the baby is a senior in high school, and she is openly trans. She came out to us about a little over two years ago, And she is just now starting her medical transition. So when you see her, she sort of presents as gender nonconforming, but Dog. She is, and she just signed with a modeling agency because she's 6 feet tall and 140 pounds, so she's built like a runway model and has long, Thick, wavy hair. And so she's been navigating a lot of that, and that's a lot of our conversations are just making sure that She gets to her medical appointments, that all of that stuff is covered, that she understands everything that's happened, that we all understand each other, that she continues to get that sort of support the Hey. We're with you. We don't use her dead name. We had pictures of her when she was little Vincent, and I've asked her multiple times, hey. Chris Zito [00:12:35]: You want me to get rid of these pictures? Dom. Because that's something that because we've, you know, studied up on this, and I don't know. She's very patient with us. She's very relaxed about that sort of stuff. I think that she's kind of like, no. That's, that's that was me. That was me. I'm okay with those pictures. Chris Zito [00:12:51]: So those are the kind of things that we deal with a lot with her. And then, of course, the usual high school Duff. How are your grades? When are you gonna be home? Who are you gonna be with? Trans or not, she's an 18-year-old girl, and so there's still a lot of those same concerns. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:04]: So talk to me about that because you had 3 other children that conform to the gender that they were at birth. Dog. You have a 4th child that throws a little bit of a curveball, and you and your spouse have figured that out and have worked through that. But others who may be just starting this process may be trying to figure it out for themselves. What does that mean for our family? How do we best support our child? You know, what can we do to be there for them? What did you have to do to be able to get to the point where you're at now . I can see I mean, you are supporting your child. You're supporting who they are, who they're becoming. It may not have started there, But that's where you've ended in the end. Chris Zito [00:13:48]: You know, for us, my wife and I, we almost immediately started walking this tightrope of giving her as much support as we could muster but also taking our time, and that was our big concern. Well, we don't wanna rush into this. What we found out very quickly is that there is no rushing into this. Doc. If you have an adolescent that's transgender, there is no rushing in. There has to be a therapist in place. There has to be a pediatrician, a primary care physician, and a pediatrician. There has to be a neuro-psych evaluation. Chris Zito [00:14:16]: There have to be preliminary meetings with a pediatric endocrinologist. And if you've ever even tried to get an appointment with your primary care physician. You can imagine that all these appointments and developing a relationship with all these different people takes time, And so there was a lot of time where we sort of eased into this. The other thing that I found, this is the thing that I'm probably least proud of about all, is that one of the things that we always have to remember when something's happening to our child is that it's happening to them because I have a tendency the take on what's happening to my children like it's happening to me, and it isn't. And so when v came out as transgender, I remember thinking, jeez. You couldn't just come out as gay. I've been waiting since you were, like, 5 years old to tell me that you're gay because people barely raise an eyebrow. And it seems like transgender now is a hot-button issue. Chris Zito [00:15:06]: If you go back to 2000, marriage equality was a big issue in that presidential election. That was the big Culture war wedge issue. And right now, as we're sitting here, transgender youth is the big wedge issue, You. And there's so much misinformation and so much fear and so much confusion about it. So I was so afraid for her, and I still am. I'm always afraid that she's going to be bullied or harassed. We're very fortunate that we live in Massachusetts. I mean, you can't sell a health insurance policy in my state unless it covers gender-affirming care. Chris Zito [00:15:44]: That's how progressive the state is. And so we feel very safe. In that way, we feel that our government is not gonna be attacking us. We don't live in fear that our state legislature will pass the Laws that will make it illegal for Vida to get the care that she's already begun. And because we've also had the experience That almost textbook when you read about what the medical associations have found out about transgender kids is the This was a kid that was sullen, alone, depressed, self-harming, ended up doing inpatient treatment, suicidal ideation. Today, this is a kid that's relaxed, smiles easily, great sense of humor, excels in school, good friend. Everything you would want for your teenage kid, that's what's happening with this kid now. Self-assured and confident. Chris Zito [00:16:32]: She is a powerful example to me because part of what I experienced was I felt like I had to come out Because I was afraid to share this information with certain friends of mine because I knew that if they reacted a certain way, I'd lose them. I was afraid that I would share with a buddy of mine. Oh, well, when they asked about Vincent, oh, Vincent is now v. Vincent has come out as transgender, and and v is a a girl now. Dog. And if they reacted poorly to that or didn't support it, I knew that I would lose that person. Now I can happily say that Dog. So far, that hasn't happened, and I had to live with that fear. Chris Zito [00:17:08]: That was a new fear that I had to live with. And then I had, but I also had to remember, like, the I don't have to come out because it's her. She's the one that has to come out. She's the one that has to live with us. Watching her maneuver And live her life, and it's something to see. She does it. And, well, what can I say? She's my kid, so I'm a little biased, I guess, but she's a badass. Chris Zito [00:17:31]: I'll tell you that. She really is. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:33]: So talk to me a little bit about that maneuvering when you talk about having to come out yourself and be able to share your own truth and your child's truth to people around you, but you also are in a very public profession. You are a radio host. You are a dad. You are an individual who is doing stand-up comedy. You know, people know of you, know your person, your persona that they know on, the You know, the radio waves, and they get a certain perspective of who you are, and they box you in that way. You now become the advocate for your child in your own life, but at the same time, you've got a part of yourself that people don't know. So talk to me about that journey that you had to go on and kind of the reaction that you've received from your friends, the public, etcetera as people start to to learn more about your own life. Chris Zito [00:18:34]: Well, it's an interesting thing. My relationship with my listeners is a really interesting thing Because radio is such a personal medium. I mean, when I'm on the air in the morning, most of the people who are listening are sitting in the car by themselves, and it's just us. And it feels very personal. And, of course, I'm a typical morning radio host. I talk a lot about my wife, Elizabeth. When I do the up she's with me. People will be like, oh my god. Chris Zito [00:18:58]: You're Elizabeth. And they will ask her about certain incidents I've discussed on the air. Dar. She's kind of gotten used to that over the years that she knows that people are gonna think they know her, you know, because of the stories that I tell. And so they think they know me too. And when I'm on the air, it's a version of myself. It's very close to my real life when I'm on the air in the morning. My stand-up is a little different. Chris Zito [00:19:19]: You know? Comedians notoriously lie for comedic effect, whether it's an exaggeration or whether it's a complete fabrication. I mean, I have stuff in my life. That is, you know, everything I do is told in the 1st person when I do my stand-up, but some of it's a complete lie. It never happened. You know? I mean, that's the classic thing. You know? The comedian gets on stage. Hey. A funny thing happened to me on the way over here. Nothing happened on the way over here. Chris Zito [00:19:45]: Nothing. I drove here, and I got here, and everything is fine. But so that's why sometimes, with Vi, I don't talk about having a transgender child in my stand-up act Docs. It's just because I haven't figured that out yet. I haven't figured out how to be honest and funny about it at the same time. The closest thing I found is that quip about saying you couldn't just come out as gay. I think there's something there about how this is now the thing that's got people upset. Whereas you go back 25 years. For 30 years, it was the same thing with kids coming out as gay. And I don't know. Chris Zito [00:20:18]: I feel like so often in my act, I don't mention the All the kids, or I'd use sorta generic pronouns for v. But I also still have this stuff about living with a 16-year-old boy and what that's like. About how 16-year-old boys have nothing to say. You know, sleeping with a 16-year-old boy could be like an oak tree. Oh, what a sparkling conversationalist. And that stuff, sometimes I still use those jokes because It just is, and that's always been when I talk about my kids in my stand-up act, there's always a lag, you know, because I have these jokes about them that I know work, and people are paying to laugh. And so I do the stuff that I know they're gonna laugh at, and there's a lag because I just don't. I don't have a 3 or 5-minute chunk of funny stuff about My youngest being transgender. I just don't have it yet. Chris Zito [00:21:02]: And until I do, I won't be doing that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:05]: In talking about standing up in that regard, I mean having to the humor in life around you. You know, there are definitely things in life where there is humor, and you can bring that real-life aspect. But the As you said, comedians can lie about that as well to bring in the dramatic or humor into the act itself. Talk to me about reality versus the lie, we'll say, in how your kids have been a part of your stand-up and how much they want to be a part of the stand-up. Chris Zito [00:21:41]: You know that it's funny that you asked that because they all have different reactions to that, depending on what I key in on. Yeah. Like, with my son, I talk about how he was destructive growing up. He still comes over to my house and breaks stuff. The kid owes me money. Ate me out of the house and home. So it's not exactly where his older sister, I talk about how she grew up and got a PhD. Dog. Chris Zito [00:22:03]: So he's like, really? You keep there's nothing about me, dad, that so but now, the Like with my 23-year-old, there was an incident that happened where the bit almost wrote itself, and it's a bit that absolutely crushes. It was probably 2 years ago now. Now, see, it's another late in my act; it's always a few months ago. She dragged us into the kitchen. You know? This is the idea of living with a kid this age that's almost done with college. You're not gonna ground her. She's technically an adult. She has her own money, and this actually happened. Chris Zito [00:22:31]: She pulled her mom and me into the kitchen. She opened the fridge. She goes, I wanna show you guys something. Do you see that yogurt? I put my initials on that yogurt because I bought it with my own money. And so my wife and I kinda looked at each other and smiled. My wife goes, well, honey, maybe Dad and I put our initials on all the other food in the refrigerator. How would that be? And then, of course, that's what happened. And so in the in the act, I say, I have a better idea. Chris Zito [00:22:52]: I'm gonna put my initials right on the fridge, Dodge. And then I had a real brainstorm. I'll just put my initials on the front door of the house. How do you like me now? And then she changed her tune and said, you guys can have some of my yogurt if you want. So, but that is based on an actual thing that happened, and you know? So it's really just a little bit of it. It just extrapolates it. You know? Play it out to the A little further than it went. And as embarrassing as you might think that is for her, she's been to my show a couple of times with girlfriends of Hers, and she's, like, nudging them. Chris Zito [00:23:19]: Like, this is it. This is the joke I was telling you about. That's, this is me. That's me. That really happened. So she's pretty excited about it. And for Vi, I tend to not do the stuff about the 17-year-old boy if if she's in the audience. I just leave that out, or I do something. Chris Zito [00:23:32]: I have other stuff that's about her that I just use, they or just I just avoid the pronouns. So although she's told me straight, she's very open. She's like she's she's like, you can talk To anybody you want about the fact that I'm trans. Anybody you want. She's very open about it. So that's what I mean. She's a power of example. She's probably more open about it than I am. Chris Zito [00:23:52]: Doug. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:52]: So you are a busy guy. You are people know you, like I said, publicly, and they know your voice, But then they may know you in person in that regard too, or they feel like they know you, but you are busy, and you're wearing a lot of hats. You're doing a lot of things. You've got the podcast. You've got your radio show, you've got your standup. You know, you're you're doing a lot of different different things. You're hustling, and you're busy. So talk to me about as you had your kids, as they were getting older, how did you balance all of that and find that balance in your life To be able to be that engaged dad that you wanted to be. Well, for me, that's just a matter of where my priorities lie because that's one of the things that I Never talk about is work, life balance. It's not just because that's there are a gazillion speakers out there talking about work-life balance. I don't believe in work-life balance. I talk about the Life work balance. I flip it around. In fact, when I first had this thought, when I was developing this talk and the idea for the podcast, I thought about life-work balance. So I just Googled life-work balance, and you know what came up? One million pages about work-life balance. Chris Zito [00:24:59]: So when you look at the phrase work, like balance, it literally puts work first, and so that's why I think it's important to flip it around. And I know that it's made a difference in my career because of the priorities that I've set. Over the years, my oldest daughter growing up, we'd be watching TV. I'd see a comedian on TV that's Doc. His own special or, you know, here you know, it's, is there he is on TV on a sitcom? And I would say, hey. I know that guy. That guy featured for me when I used to travel when you were really little before I got into radio, and I was traveling, headlining comedy clubs, this guy middled for me. And she would say to me one time, she finally told me, Dad, how come you know all these guys on TV, but you're not on TV? Chris Zito [00:25:35]: I laughed, and I said, because of you. Okay? It's because of you. And it's because I chose to the Get into this radio career so that I could still make people laugh and sleep in my own bed every night so that I could be around for my kids. You know, when my grown kids were growing up, I mean, I coached little league. I coached basketball, sort of. I didn't really coach basketball. I was just there kind of as the Wrangling children because I don't really know basketball, but I was active in my church. I taught Sunday school. Chris Zito [00:26:07]: I was, like, the acolyte director at this 1 church For a while, you know, so I was, involved with my kids, and the kids that I have now, I mean, well, my daughter, neither one of them are athletes, but my 23 year old daughter played the Topball in high school. I showed up at those games, and that I'm I'm very fortunate because of the radio job. It's morning radio, so I'm done by early afternoon. And listen. There's been there's plenty of days where I'm really dragging ass by dinner time because I get up at a ridiculous hour to do my regular job. But the other thing that is so important to remember, I think, is that this idea of showing up for your kids is a relatively short time if you look at your whole life. And my thing is that those crowd clickers that you get that you see the like, when you're young and going to nightclubs, you'd see the doorman use it to count heads. And to me, it's sorta like when you have a baby, the universe gives you one of those, but it has a big number on it, or it seems like a big number. Chris Zito [00:27:03]: And every time you show up for your kid, you click the And the number goes down. And, well, guess what? Eventually, the number gets to 0, and they're gone. There's no more showing up to do. You're hoping they'll let you show up, You know, because they have their own life and they're busy and, you know, you hope you have a decent relationship with them and you have their love and respect, they still want you to be a part of their life. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:21]: Doug. So true. And it does go by very fast. And, hopefully, by the time your kids leave the house, you have created an atmosphere and a relationship with them that will be maintained and continued as they get older, as you get older, because that's important. That doesn't mean that you can't change the relationship so that if it's not where you want it to be when they first go off to graduate school or so on and so forth, but that it can change, and you can change it, and you can put more effort in To be able to rebuild that relationship. So I always put that out there as well. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood five, where we ask the Five more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready? Chris Zito [00:28:07]: I'm ready. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:08]: In one word, what is fatherhood? Chris Zito [00:28:10]: Commitment. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:11]: Now when was a time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter? Chris Zito [00:28:17]: Oh, maybe when I watched the oldest one walk for that PhD. Although, I mean, I joke that I blame the parents with her, but, honestly, she is a self-made woman. I wasn't there footing the bill. Doug. She worked all the way through undergrad and graduate school, worked the entire time. And, I mean, She worked her tail off, so I don't know. Maybe the best contribution I gave her was the work ethic. You know? Understanding that, you know, you could just keep your eyes on that goal. Chris Zito [00:28:44]: I'll tell you something else. There was another time when the 23-year-old was not the guy that she was with now but a guy that she was with previously. When she broke up with this guy and why she broke up with him, I felt like, wow. She is standing up for her own values and refusing Doc. To be treated a certain way, she has strong boundaries around what she'll accept and what she won't, and I took some credit for that. She gets a lot of that from her mom. Dog. Mom is somebody with strong boundaries, so that was good stuff. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:14]: Now, if I were to talk to your kids, how would they describe you as a dad? Chris Zito [00:29:18]: Present, I hope. Funny. They would definitely describe me as funny because I get more laughs from my kids than most dads do. I think to present the Patient. I think the ones that are living in the house now might say, patient. My older ones, maybe not as much. I was younger, and I didn't have any money. I was Scared about the landlord back then, which put me gave me a shorter fuse than I have now. Chris Zito [00:29:41]: But so, hopefully, the ones that are coming of age now would stay patient. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:44]: Now who inspires you to be a better dad? Chris Zito [00:29:46]: Well, Doc. You touched on a tough one there for me because it's my own father who's gone. So I think that it's a special thing for me because I am in recovery, Dog. And I was a guy that when I was still a drunk, an active drunk, I had complete indifference towards this guy. And then, eventually, Doc. Through my recovery, he became the best guy I knew, and it wasn't because of a big transformation that he went through. Let's put it that way. So we got to be very close later in his life, and he lived to be almost 96. Chris Zito [00:30:19]: And boy, oh, boy. That was the December of 2019, he passed. So I don't know if your parents are still around, but mine are gone, and it's I don't expect to ever get over it. I just have learned to live with it. But when I still talk to him sometimes, and I I try to think of what he would do or what he would say. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:38]: You know, I think just like you said earlier, when it comes to the fleeting time with your kids, as you get older, you have to remember that time with your own parents is fleeting, and we don't know how long we have. And I think that that is important to understand as well because I think that for anyone that has living parents, if your relationship is not strong and they're getting older, Revisit it and try to see if there's any way to salvage it. You know, sometimes that's not a possibility, but Sometimes there is. Being able to have that parent in your life As you can and as you will is important and will continue to be important as you get older. Chris Zito [00:31:25]: 100%. I couldn't agree more. And I I've known men that have not been able to get to that place before their own father passed, and it's a tough one. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:34]: And you've talked a lot about A lot of different things that you've learned along the way. As we finish up today, what's one piece of advice you'd wanna give to every dad? Chris Zito [00:31:42]: Well, you know, Docs. Still, for my own talk, one of the last things I say is to remind guys to dad like it's your job because it is your job. When you go off to work, that's your side hustle. I mean, it's so important to provide for your family and be a part of your family. You know, this idea of the dad that's, You know, that old cliche that it's probably 75 years ago of the dad that comes home from work, sits down, he's reading the paper, or he's the watching sports, and he doesn't really even know his kids or where you know, which one's which or where they go to school or what. That's not what it was like when I was growing up in my house. Even though my father was of that generation, he's a World War 2 veteran, but he was a very devoted dad, a very loving father. I think maybe because my mom Dom was sort of sickly. Chris Zito [00:32:29]: He had to step in and do a lot more parenting than other men of his generation. So that's what I would say be engaged with your kids because It's so great. It's so great to get to know them, and there's nothing like it. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:42]: I love it. You mentioned your own podcast. And you mentioned the fact that you're a radio host as well. People wanna find out more about you and what you're doing. Where should they go? Chris Zito [00:32:52]: Go to ChrisZitoSpeaks.com. That's where they can find out everything about me as far as my speaking career. There are little excerpts from the talk. There's a video on there. There are some testimonials. Meals. There's a way to reach out to me if you wanna book me to give a talk. Chriszitospeaks.com. Chris Zito [00:33:07]: If you wanna hear the radio show, I mean, if you wanna hear me cracking wise talking between songs Dogs the kids are dancing too, then you could just go to the go to the Iheartradio app and just search my name, and my show will come up, and you can listen at any time. You can listen to Dog. Anywhere in the world, Chris. That address, again, the world. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:24]: Oh, and you do have the podcast as well, and people can find that. Chris Zito [00:33:27]: Yeah. The pod is called Dad Like Your Job. It's available on the iheartradio app or wherever you get your podcast. Dad Like It's Your Job publishes every Thursday. As we're recording this, the latest issue The latest episode features you. So there you go. So check that out. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:43]: Well, Chris, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for being here for everything that you're doing to support your own kids, to be a great example for other dads, and to challenge and help other dads Along their journey, and I wish you all the best. Chris Zito [00:33:57]: Same here, Chris. I really appreciate the invitation. It's great to talk to you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:01]: If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the fatherhood insider. The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, an interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more. You will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fathering together .org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:47]: Dad's with Daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters And be the best dad that you can be. We're all in the same boat, and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. we buy the presents. Bring your A-game because those kids are growing fast, the time goes by just like a dynamite blast, calling astronauts and Firemen, carpenters, and musclemen get out and be in the world. Choose and Be the best dad you can be.

In this episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, host Christopher Lewis welcomes Sean Harvey, the Chief Compassion Officer and founder of the Warrior Compassion Men's Studio. Sean is passionate about helping men heal their wounds at a soul level to embrace the truth of who they are. He co-founded Project Compassion, a coalition of culture transformation, masculinity, and compassion experts, focusing on working with police departments and military services. Sean recently released his book, "Warrior Compassion: Unleashing the Healing Power of Men," which serves as a roadmap for men's soul healing and systems change. Sean shares his journey into men's work, a 10-year transformational path that started when he worked for Eileen Fisher, a women's fashion company. He discusses the impact of the company's feminine leadership on men and how it led him to engage in men's work. He also emphasizes the importance of a soul-level approach to healing and compassion, acknowledging that men need to heal unmet needs, limiting beliefs, and past traumas. Christopher and Sean talk about breaking down barriers related to words like "vulnerability" and "compassion," emphasizing the need for an environment where men feel safe to open up. Sean highlights the importance of self-compassion and loving oneself unconditionally as a catalyst for positive change within families. They discuss Sean's book and its guided journey, outlining various components of healing and transformation. The book is an on-ramp for men to engage in meaningful conversations and contribute to the transformation of society's oppressive systems. Sean encourages men to find a community where they can go deep and connect with others to combat loneliness and isolation. In their conversation, they explore how embracing deeper connections, intimacy, and love can lead to healing and transformation, allowing men to become more patient, reflective, and present fathers. They also stress the significance of having a community of men who check in on each other. This episode reinforces the importance of community, compassion, and self-discovery as essential steps for men on their journey to becoming the best dads they can be and healing themselves in the process. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today! TRANSCRIPT Christopher Lewis [00:00:06]: Welcome to Dads With Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week, you and I are on a journey together. We're figuring this out as we go along. There is no one right way to father, and there's not one right way to go through life as a man as well. And, You know, every week, we have opportunities to be able to talk about this, to be able to delve a little bit deeper into this, to see what each of us can do to be Engaged, present, and be a part of our family's lives. And I do that. We do that Through talking with other guests as well. Christopher Lewis [00:01:01]: And every week, I have the pleasure of bringing different people on with different Experiences coming from different walks of life that are able to provide you with Tools for your own toolbox that can help you to start thinking about things in different ways and potentially framing things in different ways that will help you To be better in all sense of the word. This week, we've got another great guest with us. Shawn Harvey is with us. And Sean is the chief compassion officer and founder of the Warrior Compassion Men's Studio And Symphonia Facilitator Studio. And he is actively involved in contributing to men's work communities around the globe And he's passionate about helping men heal their wounds at a soul level to begin to love the truth of who they are. Sean cofounded the, Project Compassion, a national coalition of culture transformation, masculinity, and compassion experts Developing a compassion centered system change model and consulting approach for police departments and federal law enforcement agencies, Military service security forces and defense. And most recently, he has a brand new book called Warrior Compassion, Unleashing the healing power of men that was just released, and this book really offers a road map for men's soul healing As a catalyst for systems change. I'm really excited to have him on to talk more about the journey that he's been on to help men around the world And about this brand new book, and I'm excited to have him here today. Christopher Lewis [00:02:46]: Sean, thanks so much for being here. Sean Harvey [00:02:48]: Thanks for having me. It's great to be here. Christopher Lewis [00:02:50]: It is my pleasure having you here today. Love what you're doing. Love the the the concept. Like, I wanna turn the clock back in time because You've done a lot of different things that have led you to where you are today. You and I you and I were talking about all the different degrees and all the different aspects and all the things you've done in your career. But I guess first and foremost, as I talked about the fact that that you are the chief compassion officer and founder of Warrior Compassion Men's studio. So talk to me about Warrior Compassion Men's Studio and this work that you've been doing over many years to Work with men at this, maybe I could even say visceral level of being able to talk to men About things that not every man wants to talk about. What led you to that, and what led you into working with men at this level? Sean Harvey [00:03:39]: Well, I, I appreciate the years you've added to the experience. This has really been a 10 year journey. So on my 40th birthday, I was I was As a college professor, I was working on Wall Street. And on my 40th birthday, I gave it all up because I lost my heart and soul in the job, and I resigned. And within 2 weeks, I went to work for a fashion company, Eileen Fisher. And it was there that my whole life turned upside down. It was like it basically Saying yes to that role changed the trajectory of my life and brought me to men's work. So actually working in a women's fashion company brought me to men, which Hey. Sean Harvey [00:04:16]: Hey. I think there were 3 pivotal moments in my experience at Eileen Fisher. 1, I just to get the job, I had gone through an 8 month interview process. And on my 1st day I started the job, my 2 bosses sat me down, and they said they said to me, Sean, we we wanna acknowledge that You have proven yourself in the interview process. We now want you to stop proving yourself and learn how to be who you actually are. When you interviewed with us, you showed us your heart, and you showed us your polish. We hired you for your heart, and we wanna see less of your polish. We don't care about your accomplishments. Sean Harvey [00:04:49]: We wanna see who you are. And so that really, I think, was permission to be able to start going on my own journey. Then they the company sent me to an art for 5 months in Canada To learn how to incorporate the arts in a creative facilitation, and so it's part of my work. And it was the 1st weekend that I was there that I really heard the call to work with men. And and I and I had gone to work for Eileen Fisher to not have to work with men ever again. So knowing that I was being called to work with men. I knew this was above my pay grade, and I knew this was on some sort of spiritual path, and it was more of a calling. And so I just started following the spiritual breadcrumbs. Sean Harvey [00:05:30]: And the third, I became the head of personal transformation and well-being for the company. And I started noticing in the company how men were being transformed by being in an organization, in a company that was 83% women, That was really built on feminine leadership and and the business model was based on feminine energy. And the men would say to me now we would talk about the ways we were changing, It would often start with either my wife said or my girlfriend said that I listen differently. I'm more patient. I stopped needing to do right all the time, and I started to be more curious. I started to express my emotions more freely. And they the men started noticing that they were tapping into their creativity differently, and they were solving problems in new ways. And last, and I think most important, they would tell me they felt more comfortable in their own skin because I think there's a freedom that was allowing men to just kinda come into who they really were. Sean Harvey [00:06:22]: And I said, you know, we need to kinda bottle this and take this out to more men as opposed to the 200 men that work in this company we only accounted for 17% of the organization. And so with that and and there were also a lot of spiritual teachers and guides, and there was A lot of spirituality at work. I knew if we're gonna do real work with men, that's gonna be healing work. It had to be done at the soul level, and that's what led me to seminary. And I went to seminary for the sole purpose of working with men and really creating a men's ministry of sorts, which is essentially what I'm doing. And 2 days after I said my vows, I received the next call, which was to work with police. So I was moving from New York to Asheville, North Carolina, From East Harlem, New York to West Asheville, North Carolina. And it was the chief of police of the Asheville Police Department. Sean Harvey [00:07:09]: There's a video that I received, and then it was Post George Floyd, there was a there was a Black Lives Matter protest. Police were called in. They destroyed a medic tent. They made national news, and this was a Call to reform the department and if if members of the community wanted to be part of police reform efforts. I emailed the next day because in seminar, they say when you hear the call, you say yes no matter what, even if you don't think you're qualified. But because of my credentials and my background, that led to a 1 on 1 with the chief of police. And In our conversation, he asked me 2 things. He had 2 asks. Sean Harvey [00:07:42]: Can I help him deepen the level of compassion for his officers? And can I create conversations between community members and officers that humanize each other for a new relationship going forward? And I said yes It's what I do. And that ask led to a group of us finding each other. And the, you know, members of the FBI, Someone on our team is the former head of the FBI National Academy at Quantico, military officers, culture experts, masculinity folks, And we all came together and formed this national initiative. And as I had started coming into the men's work and started to see that this was My area, you know, working with police, military, defense, and working with really, when I left Asheville moved to DC, and everyone that was reaching out to me, they were they were operating they were working in hypermasculine systems. So police, military, the NFL, all of these places that you could consider male dominated, traditionally masculine or hypermasculine, And really bringing this message of compassion into the fold. And I think at the at the root of of the healing, you call it soul healing, you call it compassionate healing, What is how to help men deepen their level of compassion? Christopher Lewis [00:08:59]: Let's talk about that a little bit because sometimes for men, words can be triggering When you talk about being vulnerable, being compassionate, using some words can throw up roadblocks in front of us As men. And some of that comes from the way that we grew up. Some of it's society. There's lots of different pieces. So Talk to me about in the work that you do, either 1 on 1 or with groups. How do you start to break down those barriers that those words potentially Can build so that you get to the inner core and the inner person underneath. Sean Harvey [00:09:43]: So I would agree that these words can be triggering, and I'm very intentional about the language I use. And because I believe Language can be used to reclaim and reframe. And so if it is trigger triggering or activating, I get curious about what that's about. But at the same time, I I think part of it, For me, that allows me to come into the spaces is is is a combination of energy, the energy I bring in, the invitation I offer, The approach that I take and my story. And I've been able to go to some of the Craziest communities or or or wildest communities where I would not expect to be received, and I'm able to be Dave, I'm able to be heard. In the probably 7 years 7 or 8 years I've been doing this, not 1 person has ever objected to what I'm saying. I've never gotten feed pushback on the message. And I think part of that is my approach. Sean Harvey [00:10:41]: I think part of that is that I speak to the yearning of men that they can't articulate. And I think it's something that men are often craving yearning yearning for. And then when given the right that they can hear, there's a receptivity. I found early on, it's not about the head on collision. It's the drive by. When I've gone to the direct jugular of the issue, That doesn't usually bring bring folks in. But if there's an opening that guys can see themselves in and I think where we are, especially because I I am a I am a queer, progressive New Yorker who works with conservatives and then the right wing echo chamber. And I work with From conservatives to white nationalists and far right extremists on their healing work. Sean Harvey [00:11:26]: And the common thing I hear is that they find me nonthreatening, and they feel safe opening up. So that becomes less about the words I use and more the environment I create For them to be able to feel safe enough to be able to start to explore. And I and I think the other pieces and I I think a lot of a lot of what I've seen And a lot of this type of work is someone showing you the way, which I think can we're like a man to constrict. This is the way to be a man. This is what manhood is. This is the definition of masculinity, and I don't do any of that. I come from a place of I mean, as a professor, I was always using Socratic method. I'm just Always asking the questions. Sean Harvey [00:12:07]: And I believe this is more of an inquiry that for each man to define The definitions for himself based on his own experience, and, also, this is really the work of helping him find his own truth, Not for him to acquiesce to a narrative or a truth that defines sin, where we've had enough folks Giving us in a society, giving us definitions of the should, of how we should be. And I am always saying, let's just break the script and say, alright. So Who are you? And those sorts of things, I think, just create openings for the conversation and also is has to do a lot of bridge building across the conservative and progressive divides. And coming in without an agenda has opened a lot of doors to be able to have those types of conversations. Christopher Lewis [00:12:56]: So one of the things I probably should have asked at the beginning is that you work on healing. Define for me what your definition of healing is and why the men that you're working with or many men may need some healing in their life. Sean Harvey [00:13:14]: When I was writing the book and we were coming up with the title, the book was written out of out of a program at Georgetown. And we talked about this, that For a lot of men, they're hearing the message that they have to change because something's broken. They're broken. Something's broken. And we, you know, we said, no. That's not what it is. Many men are wounded because we're human. The challenge is a lot of us are wounded, but we don't have access to the healing. Sean Harvey [00:13:40]: We don't have access to the ways of connecting, reaching out for self care. When we look at the rates of suicide addiction, violence, Depression, trauma. The numbers for men are are continue to rise and are typically Double or triple more than women. And at the same time, when we start to look at them for police and and military and vets, Those numbers even go higher. And so I think it's that the healing is and what I I define it in the book, healing our our unmet needs, Our limiting beliefs and our shadow. And the traumas we've experienced, the wounds that we faced from early in in our lives as well as Things that happen or the experiences we've had in our lives that we just keep going and and don't deal with it, don't dwell on it, And don't give attention to it and think that everything will be fine. And the reality is it carries with us. So my book really reflects my healing journey, and then I really dissected all the different components from my healing journey That I can be think could be helpful for men could be anything from connecting to nature, finding community with men, Learn relearning how to play to, you know, ex exploring psychedelics, healing the inner child wounds, healing the You know, the list goes on and on of what I incorporate into the book, but it's really just offering a road map of these are different ways you can think about Healing, and you can really be in an inquiry for yourself of what's gonna help you discover your own truth beyond the protective layers that you've created From conditioning and life in general. Christopher Lewis [00:15:20]: I know you work with all types of men. Some are fathers, some are not. For the men that you work with that Our fathers, how do you find that this work helps them to be Either more engaged or more present or more themselves within that family dynamic. Sean Harvey [00:15:40]: I think it's the first thing I said about How what men say how they were transformed Ryan Fisher. They become more patient. They're more patient with their kids. They're more patient with their wives or or partners. They listen differently with with a different level of of understanding. They have an ability to self manage their anger. They're more reflective. And, Ultimately, I believe this work is about deepening your own. Sean Harvey [00:16:03]: When we talk about deepening compassion, what what I'm really talking about 1st, starting with your own self compassion. And, ultimately, what this book is about is helping men learn to love in a new way from and, I just gave a sermon last week. It was called From Love With Conditions to Unconditional Love. And when you can move from an intellectualized version of love with conditions To a visceral experience of unconditional love, that's gonna have a ripple effect in your family and for everyone in your family. Christopher Lewis [00:16:31]: We've been talking about the the book that is out now, Warrior Compassion unleashing the healing power of men. And I know in that book, it is a guided journey. It's It's talking about your own experience, but also the work that you've been doing. As you are putting this book out in the world, I know how much time and effort it takes to write a book. I've I am an author. I know that it is a passion project for many, many hours and many, many weeks and months and sometimes years. So as you put this out into the world, what is your biggest hope in regard to those that are reading this and what you want them to take out of the book. Sean Harvey [00:17:13]: I see this as an on ramp for men to come into the bigger picture of How we're transforming society and that an organization development practitioner by training systems thinker. When I look at when I see the world that is crumbling before us and the systems that are crumbling around us, the oppressive systems, that this is an on ramp for more men to be part of the conversation. This is an on ramp For men and women and those beyond the binary to be able to come together in new ways and solve problems deeper and Solve problems in a new way from a level of deeper consciousness and collective wisdom. To get to that place of deeper consciousness and where love is at the root of How we reframe systems, being able to have more men engaged in that by doing their own work, doing their healing work. Because I think right now what we have is society of a lot of men in power who are holding on to power from a place of wounding, not a place of healing. And so, ultimately, that has been my driver for all of us and for us to be able to get to a place of moving from fear based control to love based liberation in the ways that our systems Some institutions operate in the world. Christopher Lewis [00:18:20]: One of the things that comes to mind as I think about this work is that for many men, it may be that They don't know where to start, and they know that something needs to change. And in the book, I'm sure that there are some specific steps. But If there's one thing that you would want men to start doing right now as they look at their own life, As they look at the lives that they have with people around them, what's one thing that they should start doing today or that they can Start implementing today within their own life that can help move them and move the needle in that positive direction. Sean Harvey [00:19:02]: Yeah. I always say that the 1st step, and it's the 1st step I outlined in the book, find a community of men where you feel safe going deep and that the the group of men can hold each other and Ugly crying in front of each other. Because I think the biggest you know, when we talked earlier, what's one of the the big healing needs? And I think One of the biggest epidemics in our society, in in Western culture in the US, specifically, is isolation and loneliness for men in general. You know, certain general's reports just came out. We have epidemic of loneliness in our country. And what I find is We're this is really moving from disconnection, isolation, loneliness to deeper connection, intimacy, and love. And one of the first places we can start is by coming into community with other men and breaking down these ideas that we are the only ones Suffering or struggling with x and giving voice to the suffering that men are experiencing in silence. And so by just Coming into community and having the deeper types of conversations, either joining a men's group or there's a lot up here. Sean Harvey [00:20:07]: Philadelphia, a lot of guys I know, we go hiking on a regular basis, and it's just an opportunity to connect, to share. And then everything else kind of can start to come in when you just start to name what's been unspoken in your own life and hear from others who are doing the same and realizing that You have more in common with more men than maybe you've imagined. Christopher Lewis [00:20:28]: Yeah. That's what one of the reasons that we have the fathering together communities that we have is to bring men together to allow for them to be vulnerable, to allow for them to make community. But I will say that there are many other groups that are out there that you can join that will give you that small group mentality where you don't won't get that in a Dads With Daughters by Father and Together Facebook community that has a 130,000 members. Right? But For some people, you know, being in a large group is a step 2. So finding your tribe, finding that group, finding the people around you that you're Comfortable with that you are willing to go deeper with is important because I think I know even personally that many Of the things that we talk about, many of the people that we we surround ourselves with are very surface level. Even as you get into being a father, That tends to be the case. You talk about the positive things. It's that Facebook effect, and you don't always go Deep and really talk about the things that you're struggling with. But if you have even 1 person, 2 people that you can rely on, that you can go to and and check yourself. It's so important. And it is such a Release for yourself to have someone outside of your family that you can talk to and say, you know, I don't know if I'm doing this right or not Because we don't have to. I've said this before, and I'll say it again. As a father, as a man, you don't have to do this alone. You can surround yourself with other people. That'll help you. Sean Harvey [00:22:07]: I wanna add to what you just said though, when you said for you as the man to check. I think the other part of it is when you find that other men are checking in on you. You I find that that's one of the most powerful things when you realize someone else is looking out for you and someone else is checking in and you're on someone else's radar when It can be very easy to feel like you're all alone. Christopher Lewis [00:22:28]: Such a true thing. I have done that with with people around me, and it's not people that specifically that I've said, hey. I'm gonna check-in on you, but it's just calling out and saying, hey. What's going on? How are you doing? And Every time I do it, I mean, it seems like it's appreciated, and you never know where the conversation's gonna go. But But I think that it's, it's a powerful thing that and it's a gift that you really give to others when you get when you do ask that and you Give them the opportunity to unload a little bit in that way. Well, Sean, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for this, for what you're doing, for this Project that you're putting that you have started and this book that you've put out there. If people wanna find out more about you, about the book, Where's the best place for them to go? Sean Harvey [00:23:16]: I think the the easiest is go to my website, warrior compassion.com. If you wanna get the book, it's easy to find it on Amazon. So we're compassion, unleashing the healing power of men, and then you can you can find me through the website. You can you can get the book on Amazon, and everything that you'll need is there. Christopher Lewis [00:23:33]: Oh, Sean, thank you. Thank you for the work that you're doing, for engaging all of us men in these conversations, pushing us Out of our comfort zone a little bit here to think about things in different ways, to challenge us in many different ways, and I wish you all the best. Sean Harvey [00:23:49]: Alright. Thank you so much. It's great to be here. Christopher Lewis [00:23:51]: If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child Comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information That will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step road maps, And more. You will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fathering together ...org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today. Christopher Lewis [00:24:37]: Dads with Daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters And be the best dad that you can be. Christopher Lewis [00:24:49]: We're all in the same boat, And it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents. Bring your AK because those kids are growing fast. The Time goes by just like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters,

In this episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we welcome Jonathan Ramirez, a new father, project intern at Icstars in Chicago, and artist. We discussed Jonathan's journey of fatherhood, starting with the emotions and fears that come with being a new dad. Jonathan reflected on the overwhelming love he felt when he first learned he was going to be a father to a daughter. He also shared his concerns about raising his daughter in a world where women can be disrespected and undervalued. His fears included navigating the challenges his daughter might face due to gender bias and helping her through heartbreak. The conversation shifted to Jonathan's vision of introducing his daughter to his culture, family, and values. He emphasized the importance of family and respect and shared his determination to instill these values in his daughter. He recounted his own childhood experiences and how his mother's reliance on family helped them through difficult times. Jonathan also acknowledged the value of respecting and empowering women and wants to teach his daughter that societal norms and gender biases do not define her worth. Jonathan shared some of the unique experiences he had working at a restaurant. Jonathan mentioned how he initiated conversations with patrons who had children, seeking advice on fatherhood. He learned valuable insights, such as the importance of bouncing a crying baby, finding a babysitter, and the significance of balancing work and family life.  Jonathan also shared his challenges in balancing his roles as a new father, intern, and restaurant worker. He talked about the struggle of leaving the house to go to work and the strong desire to spend more time with his daughter. Despite the challenges, he developed a routine of bonding with his baby girl after returning home. Jonathan opened up about his past and the anger he once harbored towards his own father. He reflected on his journey to forgiveness and acceptance, realizing that his father was just a human dealing with difficult circumstances. This personal growth has allowed him to become a more positive and loving father to his own daughter. The conversation concluded with the challenging topic of how Jonathan plans to discuss his nine-year prison experience with his daughter in the future. He shared concerns about how to broach the subject and whether to reveal this part of his past. This episode offers you a candid and heartfelt conversation about fatherhood, family, and the challenges and triumphs of raising a daughter in today's world. Jonathan's journey and personal growth provide valuable insights into the complexities and responsibilities of being a father. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today! TRANSCRIPT Christopher Lewis [00:00:06]: Welcome to Dads With Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Everyone, this is Chris. Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be Strong independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week, you and I are on a journey together. We have this opportunity every week to be able to talk, to learn, to grow, And to help each other to be better fathers. And I love going on this journey with you because no matter if you have kids that are brand new Or if they're in their teenage years or if they're adults, you're always gonna be a father, and there's always gonna be something that you can learn. Always gonna be something that you can do to be able to stay engaged, stay present, and do all kinds of things to be able to stay in the lives of your kids, And that's what's the most important. I love bringing you different guests, different dads, different people that are walking different paths, But they have things that they can share with you to help you in this journey that you're on. Christopher Lewis [00:01:12]: This week, we've got another great guest with us. Jonathan Ramirez is with us, and Jonathan is a father to a brand new daughter that was born in August of this year. So Brand new dad. He's also a project intern at Icystars in Chicago. He's a freelance Photographer. He's done been doing that a little bit. He's done a lot of different things. We're gonna talk about some experience that he's had working at a restaurant and learning from other dads. Christopher Lewis [00:01:42]: So we're gonna have a great conversation today. Really looking forward to be able to have him here and to share his experience With you, Jonathan Singh. Thanks so much for joining us today. Jonathan Ramirez [00:01:51]: Thank you so much, Chris, for that introduction, and I'm honored to be here. I really, really am. I enjoy Podcast I've watched already. A couple when I heard about it, and I got some great advice through here. Thank you for having me. Christopher Lewis [00:02:04]: Now usually, when I have dads on, they're not always As young of fathers in regards to the fact of having their child just recently but one of the first questions that I love to ask to turn the clock back in time. Now you don't have to turn it back as far probably as some of the some of the dads that I talked to. But let's turn the clock back To that first moment that you found out that you're going to be a dad to a daughter, what was going through your head? Yeah. Jonathan Ramirez [00:02:29]: It's not that far ago. I think I felt the same way When I heard of the heartbeat, like, as soon as they told us the gender, my heart melted. And I was like, I'm stuck. It's over with. I already love Her mom so much, and I do everything, anything I can. I just know that same love was gonna be the same for my daughter. Like, it's gonna be a little mini hurt, And I'm like, I I'm not gonna have time for myself anymore because I I run around now like crazy for Savannah, and now I'm gonna be doing it for Bella Rose for sure. Christopher Lewis [00:03:01]: Now I guess for you so far, as you think about being a father to a daughter, There, I talked to a lot of dads and a lot of dads say that there's some fear that goes along not only with being a new parent, but being a father to a daughter as well. What's your biggest fear In raising a daughter. Jonathan Ramirez [00:03:16]: That's a good question. I've been thinking about that every single day since. There's several fears. Number 1, I've seen so many people just Disrespect women just because they're women. No. Like, just the fact that they're a woman, they all they'll tuck over them or they'll belittle, and In the conversation, I see Savannah when I see my daughter, to be honest. And she is someone that's been spoken over over and over and over. And and her voice Might be small, but she has a lot of value in what she does say because she's incredibly intelligent. Jonathan Ramirez [00:03:49]: She's in College right now, I have to be a psychiatrist, but I see how she's been treated. I've seen how she's been treated by her teachers, her professors, just because she's a female. I've seen how she's been treated by her exes and my own sister as well growing up with her. She's only, like, 2 years younger than me. I mean, I've seen how tough It is for women and the differences for men. And my fear is I don't know how I would explain how to teach her that, how to teach her that, look, What how they see you, how they treat you is not because of the view. It's a social norm that's evolved over time, and I wanna be able to Show her how to overcome that. But not being a female myself, I don't know exactly how she would do that. Jonathan Ramirez [00:04:33]: Like, mine would be theory, not Experience. So I guess that is one of my fears. Another fear is just her coming to me and telling me how heartbroken she is for the 1st time. And I know she's It's only 2 months, but, yeah, I think about it. It's like, man, am I gonna have to go and, like, like, go talk to someone's parents and be like, hey. You check your kid or Something I don't know how far I'm gonna go. I'm gonna be the crazy dad. You know? So I just don't wanna see her with her tears looking at me, looking for A solution, and I don't have one. And I'm afraid that I that when she comes to me for that help, that I'm clueless. I don't wanna be the clueless father. I wanna be like, okay. Let's Let's figure this out together, you know, and let's go find you whatever you need. I think those are probably the fears that I've actually been thinking about. I'm sure there's probably others that I haven't thought about because I'm, you know, a new dad. But for now, these are the things that flag my mind, I guess, every now and then when I think of the future. Christopher Lewis [00:05:33]: One of the things that I would love for you to talk about too is you have a child now, and every person as they enter into fatherhood have To define for yourself what it means to be a father, but then also what it means to be a part of A family, a culture, and being able to inculcate that into your own children and Allow for your children to be able to understand what it means to be a part of the larger family Whether your larger culture. For you, how do you hope to introduce your daughter as she grows older to Your culture, your family, and be able to instill the values that are important to you. Jonathan Ramirez [00:06:20]: So that is one of the main things that I, hold very highly is family, is respect, And, also, I think I was just going to be involved like I usually am because our family is pretty big. And so there's certain parts of our family that have disappeared and fallen off. That's because they just don't feel like they wanna come out to the parties or Not just parties, but get togethers, celebrations, and what have you when the whole family gets together. I did that growing up. Every single Christmas, we went on as as a whole family, like cousins, aunts, uncles. And not only that, When my mom was going through hard times and we couldn't find the rent or we got kicked out of the house or she couldn't get to work because she just got in a car accident. I got in, like, 7 car accidents. Sorry if you're listening to this. Jonathan Ramirez [00:07:12]: But the thing that instilled in us was she was always able to rely on that family. She was always able to call her sister, my aunt or her brother, my uncle, and I seen it with my own eyes how powerful that was. When we didn't have the rent to afford an apartment, I mean, we went to my aunt's house and lived there for a couple months. And that growing up was huge to me. Like, man, this is the power of community. This is the power of family. And I hope I'm not Able to not pay the rent and having to show her that way. But I do wish to show her that family is important by being involved In families that and maybe even helping other family members. Jonathan Ramirez [00:07:55]: Maybe that's the way I can show her. I'm glad you said that because now I have that solution in my head for whenever that does come about. But, another thing is the respect. That is something that a lot of people don't I feel. I don't know. I don't wanna generalize, but I feel like respect has not been a priority A lot of people in recent times around me, around people I talk to. And and that's I wish I could teach her that, but not in a way that I was taught. I guess I would have to ask other fathers because I I don't have the answer how I would do it because I haven't done that experience yet. But the experience that I had, I did not feel like that was the right way to learn respect. And Christopher Lewis [00:08:36]: Do you have any ideas? I know you said you wanna talk to other dads, But you said that there are things that you do not want to pass on. What are some of those things that you don't want to pass on that are, or you're trying to break the cycle In a way Jonathan Ramirez [00:08:49]: I'm gonna give you a little bit of backstory before I answer that question. My mom's a single mom, and I was 4 years old. My brother was 3 years old, And my sister's 1 year old, and my mom is a single mom. And she had to work 2 jobs to afford everything. That was the position I was in when My mom needed help at home. And who is she gonna ask? She's gonna ask her oldest son, and that's me. So I was the one who had to get my brothers and sisters up or sometimes they have to get me up. But most of the time, I was cooking for them, and I was always rushing because my mom was always rushing me, and that's something that stuck with me. Jonathan Ramirez [00:09:25]: I feel like I gained a lot of good things out of that through those experiences. Like, I love being on time. I do not like being late, and it bugs me to the core. I mean, like, team management. I call it team management, but, really, it was just me telling my brothers, god. Let's go. We're going. We're late for school. You know, I'm only a year older than them, And I'm yelling at her, get ready. What are you guys doing? You're gonna get me in trouble with moms. And it has affected me because, like, Savannah is the total opposite. She It's late everywhere she goes, and it bugs me and bugs me to a point where it's not a good thing. It's like, come on, babe. I swear we said we're gonna be there 5 minutes go, and I do not wish to pass that along to my daughter. I don't want that that stress to consume her because she feels that she needs to be on. Savannah is so carefree, and I envy her for that. Jonathan Ramirez [00:10:17]: And I hope our daughter can find a in between, like being on time and respectful, but not stressing overly too much like I do. And the only way I can see that actually Me not actually passing the answer is working on myself. I'm a role model, and I don't wanna be the role model that says and not does. Christopher Lewis [00:10:37]: Appreciate you sharing that. And it's definitely you know, each father, each person that has a child brings their own History, their own baggage, the things that they have to work through, and it's not always easy. And Some people have more than others that you have to be able to work on internally. You have to work with other people on. And as you think about that for yourself, it sounds like you do have some that you're working on and that you're going to continue working on to make sure that That you break that cycle, and and that's a good thing. So I just commend you for doing the work. It's not gonna be easy, But it is a day by day thing that you'll have to work on as you are trying to be that best dad that you wanna be. Jonathan Ramirez [00:11:23]: Thank you so much. Christopher Lewis [00:11:24]: Now I know that You are doing a lot of different things. You are, you know, you're an intern at IC Stars. You are I mentioned you're a photographer, but you also worked a restaurant, I mean, you're you got a lot of plates in the air. You're a dad. You're supporting your your significant other. So talk to me about balance, and how do you balance all of that And still be able to stay engaged with your young daughter. Jonathan Ramirez [00:11:48]: Actually, I have put up the photography hat because I actually do paint and sips. I have my own business, and I am currently trying to only do libraries For free. I wanna turn into a not for profit because libraries were my own my escape as a childhood, and I wanna give back to them. And the way I balance it is so I still work at the restaurant. I work every weekend. So I gotta break down my schedule to Monday through Friday From 8 to 8, I'm a IC stars intern, and I get there an hour early and sometimes more Because I take the bus at 5:30 in the morning. And when I get home, I don't get home till around 9, 9:30 at night. And that's the time as soon as I walk in, I say hi to Savannah, give her a hug, and I let her know that I miss her. Jonathan Ramirez [00:12:42]: Throughout the day, I text her that I love her, and we keep Keep each other updated, but the first thing that I do right after is I hold my baby. And I spend time, 30 minutes to an hour depending on how long I get stuck staring at her because I just love staring at her. I mean, I could get lost just messing with her, just looking at her and Playing with her little hand. She's so tiny, but I know I still have work to do. So I make sure I spend that time So she can see my face. I don't want her, 4 months down the road, be like, who's this guy? I haven't I haven't met this guy yet. So I make sure she sees me every night. I got really great advice I'm a doula. Jonathan Ramirez [00:13:19]: And then she said, when you get home, create that routine with your daughter. And I took that to heart, and I have been trying my very best Every single night I get home to hold my baby right after I give my hug and my kiss to Savannah. Then Saturday, I work a double At Cooper's Hawk, almost every Saturday, and I don't start till 10:30 to 11. So the mornings is my time to be with the baby, and that's when I get to give Savannah a break from Constantly feeding and waking up to put down the baby, that's my time to shine. I I wake up really early every day anyways. So I'll get up early around 5, 6, 7, depending on how I feel. Because Saturday is like the day or depending on if the baby wakes up. But if the baby wakes up that morning, I make sure I'm the one who holds her. I get the baby bottle and I feed her. I let Savannah sleep in basically because she is a notorious person, she before the baby, she would sleep until, like, 3 in the afternoon, and now she can't do it. And I feel so bad. But on those Saturdays, She gets to sleep in, then I go to work. And then when I come back, I do the same thing. I hold my baby right after being with Savannah for a bit. And those Saturday mornings, I also make breakfast because I know Savannah deserves, you know, that treat. Not a treat, but Savannah deserves Me being more involved, and she's doing something incredible for me, and by holding down the house and the things that I can't take care of myself for now. And then Sundays, I try to only take 1 shift at the restaurant, and I try to move it either afternoon or night depending on what we have planned. Like this Sunday, we have a double date with another couple that we had met, and that's another great advice I got from the restaurant. Jonathan Ramirez [00:15:01]: They're like, hey. Remember, you guys are a couple that you need to go on dates and stuff. So since the baby's so young, we met a couple that has also a very young baby. I think their baby is only 7 weeks older than ours. And so we're we're gonna have like a play date for the babies, which they're not really gonna play, but it's more like for us to get together and enjoy some time Together as a group. And and my business, I don't try to over schedule myself because I do have a lot of things on my plate. So for the pan sips, I try to do 1 every 2 to 3 months so I don't overwhelm myself. It's not about the money. Yeah. The money's great, But I need to think about my family. I just I wanna be able to be there and not just support. I wanna actually be there. Christopher Lewis [00:15:45]: So you've been mentioning the restaurant, and I know that that's one of the things that you do as you mentioned, and It takes up quite a bit of time, but as you've been working there, you and I were talking about that you've been doing some kind of really kind of unique things as your A significant other was pregnant. And before your child was born, you started talking to people and asking people questions, And you learned some things, and you mentioned a couple other things. But talk to me about some of the biggest things and the biggest takeaways that you took From those conversations that you had in the restaurant with those patrons. Jonathan Ramirez [00:16:23]: Of course. I mean, there, they throw baby showers, And, I'm a banquet server at times, so I've gotten to to see people excited, waiting for their baby, but I've also seen I love patrons with kids already. And so I serve about, I wanna say, 15 tables a night. And out of those 15, maybe 13 of them have kids. And every single table that I see with kids, I do ask them, like, hey. I'm about to be a father. And they're like, oh, congratulations. I'm like, man, is there any advice that you can give me as a new parent? And a lot of it was the same, was, yeah, you gotta look tough for yourself. Jonathan Ramirez [00:17:03]: You have to make sure that When the baby's crying, you don't squeeze the stomach, you pat her on the back. Like, I got these, like, very specific things that I think they were dealing with and that they were struggling with That they told me about the one that really got to me and that really works for me, actually, like, I've been doing it is, Look. When you try to figure out what the baby is crying for and you change her diaper and you've burped her and you've fed her and everything's done and she's Still crying? Just bounce. That's all they want. They want you to hold her and bounce, and I do. I I get up and I I just, like, kinda Bend my knees a little bit and bounce a little bit, and she just loves it. And I'm like, oh my gosh. I will that guy I thought that that advice at the moment was just, Oh, this guy's a whack job. Jonathan Ramirez [00:17:49]: But no. I mean, that guy's a genius. I mean, it worked wonders for me. And, I mean, one of the craziest things I heard Was, like, find a find a babysitter or something. Grease as much milk as you can, and that was crazy at the time. But now that I'm in the moment, I see why. I understand why we need to freeze the milk because She don't have to keep getting up. I could help her out now. Jonathan Ramirez [00:18:15]: I was like, oh, don't worry, babe. I could feed her. You know, I can't magically produce milk. So now that she froze some, I can actually help her. I can actually be there for her, and I think those are the main things that I really, really utilized. And and I'm still asking. I I tell everybody, hey. I'm a new dad. You know, like, I try to get new advice every day I go. Christopher Lewis [00:18:35]: I love that you did that because that's not something that everybody would think about doing, but it's a great concept and it's definitely Allows you to build a community around you that you can turn to, and and that's important. Now we've we've talked about that so many times on the show, The importance of having a community of dads around you that you can turn to. Whether they're they're close friends, whether they're just people that you know that you could turn to, Whether it's family members, whatever it is, it's important to have that for yourself because it it does make sure to give you things that you can then turn to. And when you're struggling because there's debt I there's always gonna be a point in time when you will struggle as a dad, as a new father, as a father, as you're going through the different stages in your child's Life, there will be times that you will struggle, and it will get better, then it might get worse. And, you know, there's this kind of roller coaster that you end up being on with your child, And you just have to know that that's coming, but having people around you is definitely going to be something that is going to help you along the way. As a new dad right now, What would you say has been the hardest part for you in making this transition into being a new father? Jonathan Ramirez [00:19:45]: Hardest thing is leaving the house. I wanna be there. I wanna see her for steps. I Wanna see everything. I mean, I'm waiting for that moment where she laughs. Like, for the first time, I haven't heard her laugh. I've seen her smile. I don't know if it's For gas, it's because she's seeing me, and it's just that's the hardest part. Jonathan Ramirez [00:20:01]: When I'm at work, I know that I'm doing it for her. Now I know that I'm working. I'm doing this for my daughter. I wanna be there. I wanna be able to hold in my arms. I wanna be able to take it to work with me. And I do with pictures. Both my screensavers have my daughter. Jonathan Ramirez [00:20:16]: So every time I pick up my phone and, you know, as a human species now, we pick up our phones very much. Check my laptop. My work laptop has a picture of my daughter, so it makes me miss her more, actually. But, also, it keeps her in my forefront of my mind. And I think that is especially the most hard I could do the late nights. I could do the 4 hours of sleep, because I do it for work. So I could definitely do 2 hours of sleep If it was for my daughter, I know it'd be tough, but the toughest part is actually walking away, is not being there. Because I think that was The number 1 thing that I told myself since I was a kid, that I wasn't gonna be like my father. Jonathan Ramirez [00:20:53]: My father disappeared at 4, and, I mean, That was the 1 person that's supposed to love and care for you, to walk away and not be there. That was very detrimental to me growing up. It stuck with me. And I know that I'm not leaving for selfish reasons, and I know I'm leaving to better her life. But the fact that I'm leaving, it hurts me every time. I want her to see me there. I want her when she looks up crying, she sees her dad. Like, man, this is the guy that's gonna support me. Jonathan Ramirez [00:21:20]: He's always there. He's standing by my side. And I got plenty of time. I know I'm thinking of the words, but that's how I feel inside. You know, I'm not I don't think that constantly, but it's the feeling is that I gotta walk away, and I hate it. Christopher Lewis [00:21:33]: I wanna unpack that a little bit because you just made a a statement that I think Not just you have dealt with, but there's other fathers that are fathering in a way to forget some of the wrongs of their past And some of the things that their own father may have based on them in some way, but that the baggage, Again, like I mentioned earlier, that they carry. Now that you are a new father, have you been able to reconcile any of that baggage with your own father? And if not, is that something that you hope to do in the future? Jonathan Ramirez [00:22:09]: There is a moment in my life that I I didn't make very great decisions, And that was because I was very angry person growing up. So I was, sexually molested when I was 15, and that's another fear. And I didn't mention it earlier because that's just It's, something that I think every father fears maybe because if it can happen to me as a man and it's already happening so much to women, That scares me so much. And that right there caused me to hate my father so much because he wasn't there to explain to me what happened. He wasn't there to show me how to avoid those type of situations, and I blamed him. And I I was so angry. And then I started to blame god. And, like, why'd you give me to this person that that doesn't care about me and then allow this to happen? And I've done a lot of things that out of anger that I wasn't proud of. Jonathan Ramirez [00:22:59]: But during after one of these Major I I don't wanna call it a mistake because it was a decision that I made that I had to deal with with major consequences, which was 9 years of prison. And within those 9 years of prison, Within the 5th year, I heard this video, and it said that anger is like poison. You're drinking the poison, though. You're not poisoning the other person. You wish the other person to to die from this poison, but you're drinking it yourself and only killing yourself. So when that has said that I was in a mental state already where I was kinda locked up. I was moved removed away from, like, emotional stress, And I was able to unpack that in my head, and that led me to the realization that, look, my father is just a human being. There is nothing this man Could have done differently to change the circumstances around me. Jonathan Ramirez [00:23:52]: He could, yeah, he could have told me things. He could have taught me a bunch of things, But it doesn't change the circumstances that I would have been in. It wouldn't change the environment I would have been in. I'd have still made my own decisions. And he's just a man. He couldn't predict that. And so I reconciled with him as soon as I got out to the So the dislike of many of my family members because they haven't you know, I haven't dealt with that themselves. But I'm like, look, I don't I'm tired of hating. Jonathan Ramirez [00:24:19]: I'm tired of Blaming others, what I gotta do is for myself and my family. And when I found out that I was gonna have this daughter, I was so, like, jubilant, happy, ecstatic because now I could do all the things that I thought a father should be. And hopefully, it's enough, you know, because I can't change those things that are uncontrollable. Those things are gonna happen or not. And I just hope that she knows that I'm supportive of her no matter what happens in her, and I'm there by her side always. Christopher Lewis [00:24:48]: Really appreciate you sharing that. It's, definitely It moves you from pain to that acceptance and understanding that I mean, being able to reconcile, I'm sure, lifted a burden Or hopefully both of you to be able to move forward and be able to, as I said earlier, to be a better dad because You've been able to do that. Now you talked about the fact that you had 9 years in prison, and at some point in time, that's gonna come up. It's gonna come up. You're gonna talk about it. You're going to bring it up and have to have those conversations with your own daughter about the mistakes that you made in life That led you there. Have you thought about that and how you think that you're going to be able to have those type of conversations? Jonathan Ramirez [00:25:33]: Yes. I have thought of that. And Savannah and I have spoken about these things, and it's just I haven't came up with an answer. I told Savannah, look. Let's just keep it from her. I don't want her to know. And when she finds out, we'll we'll get to it then. But I know that's not a good, route to take because then it's gonna be like, hey. Why are you hiding this for me? But I don't know how to explain to her. I just feel like I don't wanna make it a normal thing either. And I don't want her They run and tell their friends, oh, yeah. My dad's in prison and this, and like, I don't want her spreading that. And like my dad's cool kind of way, because it isn't. I don't have the answer of how I would do it, but I definitely have thought of just letting her know when she's like 14 And like on a birthday and be like, hey. I wanna tell you a few things that I think you're old enough to hear now, or like go with the moment. If I feel like the moment's right, then we're bonding to use that moment. Jonathan Ramirez [00:26:25]: Like, I wish I would have the right answer to them, and that's another phase. Like, is she gonna reject me? She'd be like, what? Because my nephew he thought I was in police academy when he was visiting me in prison. My nephew was born the same year I was In prison. So he's only met me in prison for the 1st 9 years of his life. And this whole that whole time, he thought I was in a police academy. And I believe it was when he was 7, my brother's like, hey, I think it's about time. We start telling Brian because he's starting to ask questions. And, like, he started noticing, hey. Jonathan Ramirez [00:27:04]: Why do we have to do this when we Go visit uncle Jonathan. We gotta go through checks and stuff. And it was a hard conversation because he was in the visiting room, and I'm like, hey. Yeah. I used to be a bad guy. Because that's what you call them, cops and robbers. And like, oh, you can catch the bad guys. And I'm like, you know what? No. I didn't catch the bad guys. They caught me. I was a bad guy. And it's because I made a lot of wrong decisions out of anger. Like, anger is the number one thing that I I keep playing back to that I have been really working on myself with, and I've gone a long way, but I know I still have a lot more to go. And hopefully, that conversation goes like it went with my nephew because he is so lovable. He told me, don't worry, uncle. When I become a cop, I won't arrest you. I was like, oh Oh my god. That kid is the bomb. But I mean, like, he loves me so much and he his did not change at all. He loves me. He misses me. Every time he sees me, he gives me a big old hug, and and I just hope my daughter is the same. She's standing and or she doesn't come up with her own narrative on how things went down, and I would be able to explain that to her in a conversation or something. Christopher Lewis [00:28:17]: Be points in time Where have those moments, those moments that you have connection, those moments where there are Concerns or things that have happened in your daughter's life that you may be able to relate back to your own experience and be able to say, this is what happened to me. And you don't wanna go down that road and have those type of conversations about what you learned along the way. And maybe it's through stories, And maybe there's some ways to be able to build some stories together and teach her through story As she's getting older and share some of those stories with her in a a trickle down approach, you never know. I can't say that I had that same but you definitely are right. I think if she finds out on her own, there may be more feelings of betrayal In the sense of not knowing you the way she thought she did. So I think you've got that right in that concern that you've Got in your own mind. And it's not an easy thing to do, an easy thing to talk about, but maybe there are other dads out there that you can connect with that have had the same can talk about how they did it for themselves, and that may be something too down the road that you might be able to learn from other dads in that regard. But I do appreciate you sharing that. Christopher Lewis [00:29:34]: We always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood five, where we ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready? Jonathan Ramirez [00:29:42]: I'm ready. Christopher Lewis [00:29:42]: One word. What is fatherhood?  Jonathan Ramirez [00:29:44]: Leadership. Christopher Lewis When is the time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father To your daughter. Jonathan Ramirez [00:29:51]: Well, it might sound silly, but when I first burp there, I'm like, man, I did it. I mean, like, I was so nervous about holding her patting her back. Am I doing it too much? Or am I hurting her? And she let out this big old belch. I'm like, yes. I did it. Christopher Lewis [00:30:07]: Think down the road, maybe 7, 10 years down the road. Was to talk to your daughter then, How would you want her to describe you as a dad? Jonathan Ramirez [00:30:15]: Supportive, loving, kind, and always there for her. Christopher Lewis [00:30:19]: Fears you to be a better dad. Jonathan Ramirez [00:30:21]: Just my sense of family, my own sense of family. Like, I want our family. I see so many fathers that fall short, not because They're not doing the right things, basically, but because of that cycle. And I don't wanna carry that baggage. That's what it is. This baggage. We all have baggage, and I've seen time and time again how How fathers bring that into the mix, and that inspires me because I wanna start the new cycle. I wanna start a new cycle that shows that, look, We can do it. Jonathan Ramirez [00:30:47]: We can do this. We don't have to repeat the same mistakes our fathers made. I think that inspires me a lot that there's some just fathers out there that are doing fantastic things. Seeing them like you right now, this is inspiring. I mean, like, you are an inspiration because you're helping fathers and you're getting that information out. I would have never known this existed if it wasn't for me talking about my daughter with Brian. And Brian, as a father to daughters, like, hey, Check this out. You know, it's Chris. Jonathan Ramirez [00:31:17]: He's doing great things. That's inspiring, seeing fathers getting together and just my own personal sense of family. Like, I really love that. That makes me feel so good that there's people out there pushing this issue forward, and it's really awesome. Christopher Lewis [00:31:31]: You've given a lot of piece of advice today, things that you've learned along the way so far as a new dad, but also things that you've learned from other fathers. As we leave today, what's 1 piece of advice you'd wanna give to every dad? Jonathan Ramirez [00:31:42]: There's no way that you're a bad father. There's no way you're a bad father unless that's what you're going for. That is my advice. I know that sounds weird, but I thought before I had my baby that I I was gonna be a bad father because I'm a felon. I don't have a great career. I'm poor bro. I'm gonna be the worst father ever. Like, how can I be a great dad? But you're not A bad father for those things. Jonathan Ramirez [00:32:08]: You actually are a good father for worrying about those things, because you're actively thinking about your kids And their welfare and their well-being. And that alone makes you a good father because there's so many fathers out there that don't even care. They don't care. They don't wanna think about Their kids is they rather think about themselves. And I feel like if you're thinking that, oh, I'm gonna be a bad dad, You're on the right path. You're on the right path. If you think that you're gonna be a bad father and you're worried about that, you're on the right path. Stop thinking that though because you're a great dad, and that's the number one advice I can give somebody. Christopher Lewis [00:32:45]: Oh, Jonathan, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your Story for sharing your baggage that you are carrying into fatherhood and that you're working through in your own way, and I truly wish you all the best. Jonathan Ramirez [00:32:58]: Thank you so much, Chris, and thank you for having me out here. This is awesome. I appreciate it. Christopher Lewis [00:33:04]: If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to Check out the fatherhood insider. The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information That will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step road maps, And more. You will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fathering together ...org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today. Christopher Lewis [00:33:50]: Dads with Daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters And be the best dad that you can be. We're all in the same boat, And it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy in presents and bring your a k because As those kids are growing fast, the time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, Carpenters and musclemen get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best

In this episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we welcome Malcolm Newsome, a children's book author from the Chicago area to the show. We discuss Malcolm's diverse background in software consulting and cybersecurity. They dive into Malcolm's children's book Dear Star Baby, which is inspired by the loss of two unborn children and reflects his personal journey as a father of five. The conversation explores Malcolm's experiences as a father, especially when it comes to parenting daughters. He shares his initial excitement upon learning he would be a father to a girl and his mental and emotional preparations. They discuss the fears fathers often have when raising daughters and the significance of fostering a unique bond with each child. The episode delves into how Malcolm balances his busy life, including work, writing, and being a father to five children. He emphasizes the intentional decisions he's made to prioritize family time and be present in their lives. Malcolm shares his approach to building unique relationships with his daughters and how he embraces their individuality. He highlights the importance of letting them be themselves and supporting their interests, whether they align with traditional gender norms or not. The conversation takes a heartfelt turn as Malcolm discusses the grief he experienced after the loss of two unborn children and the societal pressures fathers face when dealing with such tragedies. He acknowledges the need for more open conversations about pregnancy loss and offers insights into how he processed his own grief and found support in unexpected places. Malcolm introduces his forthcoming children's book, Sydney's Big Speech, which tackles the issue of shattering stereotypes and empowering young girls, especially black girls, to speak their minds confidently. He shares the inspiration behind the book and how he's using it to create a positive legacy for his own daughters and young readers alike. Finally, the episode concludes with a glimpse into the author's personal connection to his books, sharing touching moments when his children experienced and embraced the stories he wrote. Malcolm reflects on the emotional impact of writing these books and how they've strengthened his bond with his family. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today! TRANSCRIPT Christopher Lewis [00:00:06]: Welcome to Dads With Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Hey, everyone. This is Chris, and welcome to Dads with Daughters where we bring you guests to help you be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong independent women. We're excited to have you back again this week. And as always, every week, you and I are on a journey together. We have a great opportunity every week To be able to talk and walk on this path together of raising daughters. It's not always easy. It's not always going to be that Straight and narrow path, but it's important it's important to have these conversations, to talk, to know that you're not alone, And to know that there are other dads just like you that are struggling through it, that are working through it, that are working to be the best dad that they can be, and that's what this podcast is all about. I love being able to talk with you every week and bring you different guests Bring you different guests, different people with different experiences that can help you to be that better dad That you can learn from what they've gone through because every father's journey is just a little bit different, And there's no one right way to father. Christopher Lewis [00:01:24]: So being able to listen to other dads and to connect with other dads is definitely something that All of us need to be able to be the best dad that we want to be. So today, we've got another great dad with us. Malcolm Newsom is with us. And Malcolm's a children's book author from the Chicago area, and he has worked in a lot of different areas. He used to be a vice president of a software consulting firm and now works in cybersecurity. But on top of that, like I said, he's a children's author. We're going to be talking about 1 book that he wrote called Dear Star Baby, and that book is a book that was written After the experience that he had with the loss of 2 unborn children. And we're also going to talk about that. Christopher Lewis [00:02:13]: On top of this, we're going to talk about another book that he has coming out in the near future, and we're going to be learning, of course, more about his own journey as a Father of 5. I'm really excited to have him here. Malcolm, thanks so much for being here today. Malcolm Newsome [00:02:27]: Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. I really love that intro. So much of what you said is true and resonates with me. Christopher Lewis [00:02:33]: Now I know you've got 5 kids, 3 boys, 2 girls. And I'm gonna focus on those girls because, you know, this is the Dads with Daughters podcast. So I want to turn the clock back in time And go to that 1st moment, that first moment when you found out that you're going to be a father to a daughter. What was going through your head? Malcolm Newsome [00:02:53]: I actually did not find out Until she was born, and this was very intentional because at the time that she was born, Was just as the gender reveals were gaining popularity, they've been around, but they were really starting to become a much bigger thing where people were doing these much more elaborate gender reveals. And my wife and I made an a very intentional decision in that we did not wanna find out prior to. And This was, I I think, an important decision because as we'll get into, I always saw myself as A dad to girls, and I always wanted a daughter even from my high school days. And so we fast forward. We're in that moment. My wife gives birth, and, you know, it's just it's the it's it's almost those that moment of, like, feeling like Time is slowing down. Everything's in slow motion because I'm waiting for the doctor to say, you have a And it's it's a baby girl. You know, it's one of those that it's it's hard to capture the feeling. Malcolm Newsome [00:04:08]: It's hard to capture the emotion and all of that, But I can see it. You know? I can play it over and over again in my mind, and it's so vivid, but it's also, yes, in slow motion. Christopher Lewis [00:04:18]: Oh, I know that the first 3 kids that you had were boys, and you've now had 2 girls as well. Talk to me about the difference And what you had to do to parent and father and maybe a little bit of a different way for your daughters Dan, you may have had to have done with your sons. Malcolm Newsome [00:04:41]: One of the things that I told myself fairly early on is that I really wanted to kind of avoid the sort of stereotypical or typical mode of raising a girl, like, You know? So I very intentionally would never call her princess, for example. I was not super into, like, Oh, we're gonna do a bunch of girly things. I really did not wanna do that. And To that end, I decided also early on that so when my first son was born, I gave him the nickname mister chairman. And Then my so when my 2nd child was born, I was like, okay. What's what's that nickname gonna be? And so that ended up being mister president. The third one ended up being mister Monarch. And so now we have this this trend of nicknames, and I and I wanted them to have nicknames that were ones that where they could see themselves in positions of leadership and influence and all that. Malcolm Newsome [00:05:45]: And so I I made the decision early that I there like, no. There would be no princess. Like, I'm not using that. And I gave my first daughter The nickname, miss director. And throughout her growing years, I started to realize it doesn't matter what I say because she ends up being girly girl, all about princesses, All about pink and glitter and shiny things and stars, and I'm like, she is who she is, and that was none of my doing because I really tried the hardest I could to to give a different perspective. So, nevertheless, it's fun. In terms of how I parent them differently, I don't know. I it's a hard question to answer From the standpoint of I really have tried my best to mirror what they show me in terms of who they are, even from early ages. Malcolm Newsome [00:06:45]: And so if they're into you know, like I just mentioned with my daughter, if, you know, she's into dolls and stuff like that. So, alright, let's Support that, but she will run outside and play in dirt and play in mud and pick up bugs and all that. And so I'm like, alright. I'm here for that too. Right? And She loves gymnastics and flipping and stuff like that. Alright. I'm here for that. And and so what I try to do is let them be who they are and encourage Who they are to the best of my ability. Christopher Lewis [00:07:16]: Thanks so much for sharing that. You know, one of the things that a lot of dads have daughters tell me is that When they have their daughters, especially if it's a first time dad, but sometimes if it's a first time father of a daughter, that there's some fear, some fear That goes along with raising daughters and stepping into that new role of being a father to a daughter. What would you say has been your biggest fear In raising Malcolm Newsome [00:07:41]: daughters. My biggest fear is knowing that they're growing up in a world in a Society, that is going to devalue them. My biggest fear is evil lurking around the corner. Unfortunately, I rehearse all of the Potential terrible things that happen to women. Everything from cat calls to harassment. And that's not just women, that's girls too. Right? And so that starts at an early age. Those are my biggest fears with regard to raising girls, and so I don't know that that will ever go away, but a lot of the way I parent is to try to plant seeds in them Such that such that they can navigate the cruelties of this world. Christopher Lewis [00:08:25]: Now I mentioned the fact that you're a children's author. You work in cybersecurity. You're a busy guy. You've got A lot of things going on, and you've got 5 kids. You're balancing that. You're you're wearing a lot of different hats. Talk to me about balance And what you had to do to be able to balance all of these things that you do with also being able to be that engaged Father that you want to be. Malcolm Newsome [00:08:50]: Balance is a hard thing for me. I think that ultimately though, usually, the way I answer that question is The way I think about balance is that often means that there's a lot of things I don't do and there's a lot of things that I cannot do, and so I'm I feel like I'm kind of Often or have often, at least in the past, made intentional decisions to preserve family time, to preserve Creative time to preserve reading time, like those sorts of things. And so that means that I don't regularly go out for night Nights on the town just hanging out with buddies. That that means certain things. That means I don't watch a whole lot of TV or spend a whole lot of time on social media So that I can be present, things like that. So these are intentional trade offs that I make. That means I needed to say no to certain opportunities, Again, to preserve family time and preserve the priorities that I have in my life. Christopher Lewis [00:09:45]: Now you mentioned you have 5 kids. I said you have 3 boys and 2 girls. And one of the things that comes to my mind is that every father has to be able to find ways to build those unique relationships with their kids. You've got your 3 boys and 2 girls. Talk to me about what you had to do with your daughters to be able to build those unique relationships With each of them knowing that every child is a little bit different. Malcolm Newsome [00:10:14]: Yeah. That's such a good question. Unfortunately, that my wife Also values that, and we both value this, like, individual connection and individual time With our children, and we and so that is something that we think a lot about. And so what we have done is and we really honestly should do it more than we do, but, Usually, it works out to be a couple times a year. We'll we'll do, like, daddy daughter dates or Mom son dates or whatever or just daddy child date sort of thing where even if it's just going to get like, an intentional going to get ice cream With just one of the kids or something like that that set apart something that we don't normally do to try to have individual alone time with our Kids, and I feel like that's probably been the most helpful thing is because once you sort of get Them away from the normalcy of life, you see different sides of them too. They show up in a different way, and it's it's really kind of fascinating to see. So, yes, we try to do that. Things with my daughters, I've done you know, I mentioned ice cream. Malcolm Newsome [00:11:23]: We've done daddy daughter dances, stuff like that, Pedicure pedicure dates or just going mini golfing, things like that. Just going out to have some fun. Christopher Lewis [00:11:32]: Mentioned at the beginning of the show that you are a children's author. You have a book called Dear Starbaby that you wrote after the loss of 2 unborn children. And I guess first and foremost, What I'd like to do is go back and turn things back just a little bit to have you give me the story. Tell me about the impetus for the book, why you decided you wanted to step into the realm of writing a children's book, But then let's talk about this topic. It's a painful topic. It's a topic that that everybody talks about. Why did you delve into this topic And move into this area to write about this painful topic. Malcolm Newsome [00:12:16]: The moment where I put it together that I feel like I have something to say On this topic was when a fellow publishing colleague posted on Twitter just that She had been struggling with her miscarriage, and it was this sort of, we need to talk about this more, and she was kind of Making a bold stance and sharing about it, and it was that sort of like, yeah, you know, nobody talks about this. And That was true of my own experience where when we suffered our 1st major miscarriage, it was Kind of like all of a sudden, I started to find out, like, oh, this person's experienced that too. Oh, this person. Oh, this person. And then But you don't find out until you're going through it. And hopefully, you've you know? And not everyone finds out like that, but and so it was like, wow. There's this whole mystery To this horror that's happening, estimates of, like, 1 in 4 people. And so I had since our first miscarriage, I had done so much processing and had talked to folks here and there that had also lost babies and struggle to mostly men, and I felt like I had at least in those conversations, I felt like I had a perspective that I wanted to share. Malcolm Newsome [00:13:35]: And where this Also is important as it relates to the daddy-daughter conversations because our first miscarriage was After our 3rd son was born, and the thing that I struggled with the hardest again, going back to the fact that I always wanted A girl. The thing that I struggled with the hardest was, what if that was my daughter? What if that was her and I never get to meet her? And so through that Pain and that grieving process, that processing, I started to realize that for myself, the hardest part of this whole thing was Confronting the fact that I had an expectation of a future reality that now was not going to be that, Now I had to kind of rectify because, at least for me, when I got the news my wife is pregnant, I'm like, okay. It's a done deal. Pregnancy loss was nowhere on my radar, And so so I start organizing my life around these hopes and dreams, this sort of to me, in my mind, it was like an automatic thing. And yeah. So then I had to regroup. And so a lot of that for me is also representative book, the Kind of wondering and wishing the hopes, the dealing with, I wonder what this could have been, but it's not going to be that anymore. That was the hardest thing for me, and that's what I also try to represent in the book, where which I felt like maybe others Would resonate with as well. Christopher Lewis [00:15:03]: No. You're completely right that when you talk about this topic, it's not something that many men talk about. I've heard women talk about it, and it seems like there is community around women that they can find and support for women as they go through That process for themselves, but a lot of men seem to bottle it up. And they don't always Surround themselves with support in that regard. For you personally, as you were going through that for yourself, how did you find support? And how did you find that support and balance that support for yourself while at the same time your wife was dealing with her own loss And you were dealing with that together. So in all of that, you and your wife were grieving. Malcolm Newsome [00:15:50]: I think the reality is I probably would not have done it very well had it not been for a couple of really good folks That I had in my life. And because, let's face it, one of the things about our society is that most of us are taught as men To just like, you gotta move forward. You gotta take care of everything. You gotta make sure the family's good. You gotta make sure there's a sort of sentiment that, at least, I grew up with That that you don't you don't buckle under pressure. You just need to keep going. Right? And I think, at least in my experience personally and my experience talking with other men, is that they've Felt similarly and that it's almost this sort of sentiment that we grew up with that there's no time for grieving. You gotta push through and be the support, And like I said, fortunately, it worked out for me in that the job I had at the time, the woman who was running our HR, I let her know because, you know, I go into work, and I'm like, alright. Malcolm Newsome [00:16:50]: This is what's happening. I need a little bit of time off here, and She recognized correctly, and she asked me if she could connect me with another guy who at the company who had experienced Loss as well. And she got my approval for that. I said, sure. Yeah. I'm happy to check with him and see if he's willing to share all this. And So almost right away, I had another male and somebody that I respected and trusted that I could connect with. He provided resources. Malcolm Newsome [00:17:21]: He he was a sounding board. He was somebody that I could talk to, connect with. And so I felt like I was kinda lucky in that regard Because it's so much the norm that, to your point, men are sort of left out of the equation even today that Men are sort of forgotten about. No one really checks on them, see how you're doing, etcetera, etcetera. But, yes, my experience was kind of, In many ways, the opposite of that, in that I had the I had the good fortune of connecting with this, another man who had dealt with it, and he checked in on me for For some length of time, and that was a beautiful thing. Christopher Lewis [00:17:58]: Now as you and your wife were grieving, you're also a family. And as parents, You're grieving the loss of your child, but you're also parenting your other kids. And they may or may not understand what's going on Depending on how much they knew about the pregnancy upfront. So talk a little bit about that. So talk a little bit about that And how you and your wife had to help your kids process this. And it might be that it was this book that helped you process and help them to be able to understand what was going on. But how did you deal with this And help your kids through that loss. Malcolm Newsome [00:18:38]: It was one of those things that we did the best we could because we went Looking for resources, and there were none in terms of how do you address this with kids. None that we found anyway. And The the the the sort of the premise of the book is taken exactly from that experience of us sharing With our young boys at the time, they had been asking for a new sibling. As a part of their Christmas gifts That year, let them know, like, that's how we announced it to them, was on Christmas. And Then we fast forward, you know, about a month, and that's when the loss occurred. And so now we had to we it was basically, like, taking we had to, like, Take their Christmas gift back. And so the conversation is hard on its own, but when you layer it When you layer on that sort of excitement that we had built up, that additional excitement, there was no playbook for us. There was no playbook, and that set the stage for the premise or plot of this book of, hey, child's excited, And then all of a sudden, we've gotta break the news to them. Christopher Lewis [00:19:53]: Now you also mentioned that you found resources for yourself, some of which had been shared with you from your colleague at your work. I'm sure there were some other resources that your wife found for herself. Were some of the most beneficial resources that you found for your wife, for your kids, for you that existed and maybe still exist? Malcolm Newsome [00:20:14]: You know, the funny thing is I don't remember the titles, and largely because they were not resources for me. They were mostly resources for my wife that I kind of read bits and pieces of. And the biggest help for me at that point in time was The connection with this other guy that we got a chance to talk through it. But, yeah, the unfortunately, I don't remember titles, all that. It ended up being this thing where I had to for me, it was the conversation. And then just for me, it was Recognizing that I needed to process, and I remember making a very intentional decision to Not push it down, but to really sort of work my way through it mentally to keep it there and to Try to figure out, okay, what what are my big struggles here? And, again, that came out through the conversations. So While I would not call it therapy, it sort of filled that void, or I suppose helped in a way that, like, therapy would. Christopher Lewis [00:21:19]: Now I mentioned at the beginning of this book that you have a new book coming out called Sydney's Big speech, and that book, as you told me, is very tied into being a dad to a daughter. Tell me more about the book, and what What made you decide to move into another children's book in a completely different topic? Malcolm Newsome [00:21:37]: What folks will probably see of me as they follow my kind of publishing journey is that many of my early books are sort of like family, daddy daughter sort of themed, or at least There's these sort of there's these sort of overlays between, like, the dad and daughter relationship, and that's coming out of a couple places. That's coming out of this, My love for children, that's coming on my love for family and especially being a girl dad, but they're also still young. My youngest Right now I was 4, and I learned early that the time that it takes to publish a picture book from from when that book is acquired is typically about 2 years. And so a lot of my early inspiration or that first story well, motivation for For even pursuing publishing in the 1st place was that I wanted my kids to have I wanted my kids to have access to some things that I've That felt like was not entering the world and probably would never enter the world. And so I'm kind of writing for them, but I'm writing also for Those that might be similar to them in some ways, or I'm writing for this sort of projection of what if They are this way. What sort of message do I wanna leave for them? And that was Sydney's big speech. That's where Sydney's big speech came from. It came from this place of Girls, especially black girls, tend to be put into this place of, like the Stereotype is that typically they're loud, boisterous, and then from there, there's a sort of Projection in terms of what they might do in their lives. Malcolm Newsome [00:23:22]: This is a societal kind of thing that I'm speaking to. I wanted to cut through that, And I grew up with and around, like, my mom and my sister, for example, that were not boisterous. They were very quiet, Much more introverted, but yet they'd still did phenomenal things, and I wanted to show that. And also the backdrop, I'm thinking I don't know what my daughters are gonna be like. I don't know if they're gonna be more quiet or introverted or if they will struggle with public speaking or anything like that. So on the chance that they do, I want them to have this story. And that's effectively what the story is about. It is Sydney who is, on her 1st day of school. Malcolm Newsome [00:24:09]: She needs to stand up and introduce herself. She freezes, and the words won't come out. Right? And so then the story then becomes about she gets she gets this assignment to give a speech, And the story then becomes about her process of, like, she knows what she wants to say, but will she be able to say the things That she really wants to say, and they're very big things. Where where the dad part comes in is She and her dad have this special bond, and he's the one who encourages encourages her and presents her with some famous luminaries and shows them their speeches. These are speeches from Carol Moseley Braun, Condoleezza Rice, Shirley Chisholm and vice president Kamala Harris. So it's a way of taking inspiration from These phenomenal black women who have transcended who have left marks indelible marks on America's history, but along the way, they They sort of also had to overcome certain things as well. So that's the premise, and we don't see other parts of their They're family in this. It's really just Sydney and her dad and the special relationship that they have. Christopher Lewis [00:25:34]: Love the concept. Love the perspective as well. One of the things that I wonder when I think about this is for this book as well as your previous book. You have your own sounding board right there at home to share the stories with. What kind of response have you gotten in from your kids For both of the stories that you are putting out into the world. Malcolm Newsome [00:25:57]: Some stories I share with them and some I don't. The Dear Star Baby, I did not share with them while it was in development, but I did share it with them after we got the physical copies. And This was very instrumental for my older daughter because we also had not really talked to her about miscarriage and about our the loss of the children that we had. And so this was also Her first introduction to pregnancy loss and the reality that she's got some siblings in the stars. And the way that she experienced the book, internalized it, and then would Talk about it would bring me to tears because it's like, okay, she got it. And I remember one moment where we were leaving a restaurant, and this was After I had the book maybe for about a month or so, and I had to read read the story to her several times. But We're leaving a restaurant. She points up to a star in the sky, and she's like, that's our star baby right there. Malcolm Newsome [00:27:04]: And I was like, oh, man. Like, you almost took me out. You know? Like, I was almost out for the count right there, but so that was Amazing. Sydney's big speech, this is another one that I know I shared it with them. Once I got the the digital work, I did read it to them, and they enjoyed it. I think it's also gonna be one that when they have that book in their hands, they'll be able to experience it in a different way. Kids oftentimes are very tactile, so it's a little bit different, like, when you're reading something on a screen versus holding in the hands, and they can flip through it and they Take time and point to the thing and all that. But a part of this experience that they don't really know and that I'll be able to share with them is that in my early drafts of writing this story, I would I would be holding 1 of them or 2 of them, whatever, would be, like, in my lap doing whatever, watching TV or whatever, and I'm, like, drafting it on my phone While I'm with them and so there was one moment in particular with my youngest who was still an infant at the time where I'm, like, holding her in my lap, and this was the very 1st draft. Malcolm Newsome [00:28:17]: I finished the story. It's like the last line, and I just start weeping, sobbing. And this is not something that she'll remember necessarily because she was an infant at the time, but that's how much the story meant to me. And this is now a sort of legacy that I'll be able to share with her because I was thinking of her As I was writing this, every line was for them, and that conclusion was like, okay. There it is. And I can't wait to share that story with them, like, when we get the physical copies, and then I read it to them. Christopher Lewis [00:28:55]: Oh, this book sounds like a book that is definitely going to be a special one for the family. I appreciate you sharing that. And I look forward to seeing the new book hitting the shelves and being able to encourage others to read this for their families, for their kids, Because I know it's going to help them in many different ways. Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood five, where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a Dad, are you ready? Malcolm Newsome [00:29:23]: Alright. I'm ready. Christopher Lewis [00:29:24]: In one word, what is fatherhood? Love. When was the time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter? Haven't. Now if I was to talk to your kids, how would they describe you as a dad? Silly. Who inspires you to be a better dad? Malcolm Newsome [00:29:41]: My dad. Christopher Lewis [00:29:42]: Now you've given a number of pieces of advice, number of things that you've learned along the way. As you think about all dads out there, What's one thing that you'd want to leave with every dad? Malcolm Newsome [00:29:54]: I think probably 2 things come to mind, and that is the first is I believe what our families need the most from us is the real, True vulnerable us, and when we show up that way, they get to see our love, our passion, But they also get to see where we struggle. They also get to see our fears, those sorts of things. Patience is another thing that I'm kind of I feel like I'm constantly working on, but that I encourage and exhort other males just patience, especially with young kids. Well, all kids, Patient. And then the 3rd is pursue wisdom, and the reason why I say that is because Our world is loaded with so much. Our perceptions have been shaped, you know, really by the world mostly, right, our society. And The only way that I think we can really combat that is to spend time with that and, like, dissect. Okay. Malcolm Newsome [00:30:56]: Where did this come from? Does this have to be true? Does this have to be true of my children or my family And all that. And so that, I think, comes from pursuing wisdom. Christopher Lewis [00:31:06]: Malcolm, I just want to say thank you for sharing what you've shared today, for putting it out there. If people wanna find out more about you, where's the best place for them to go? Malcolm Newsome [00:31:16]: You can find me on most of the socials, primarily Instagram And now threads. I'm not as active on x, but you can also and that's just Malcolm Newsom at any of those, malcolm.newsom. I also have a website, malcolmnewsom.com, which is also very easy to find me there. And If nothing else, then you could either Google Dear Star Baby or Sydney's Big Speech, and you'll find me as a result of those. And I should mention too that Sydney's Big Speech will be out will officially release in February, but presales Are available now anywhere books are sold. Christopher Lewis [00:31:57]: Again, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for being here, for sharing all that you've gone through as a father, And I wish you all the best. Malcolm Newsome [00:32:04]: Alright. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Christopher Lewis [00:32:06]: If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are Figuring it out as they go along. And the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step road maps, and more, you will engage and learn with experts, But more importantly, dads like you. So check it out at fathering together.org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today. Dads with Daughters is a program of fathering together. Christopher Lewis [00:32:55]: We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters and be the best dad that you can be. Malcolm Newsome [00:33:04]: We're all in the same boat, and it's full of tiny passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. Astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and musclemen. Get out and be

In this episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we welcome Cordan James, the newly appointed executive director of Fathering Together, a 501(c)(3) organization that is the host of this podcast.  Cordan James is a father of three, one of whom is a daughter and he opens up about his journey into fatherhood, sharing his excitement upon learning he would be a father to a girl. He recounts his preparations, both financial and mental, and the steps he took to ensure he was ready to provide and protect for his family, emphasizing the importance of mental health in his journey as a father. Cordan reflects on his past experiences as an army veteran dealing with PTSD and the importance of maintaining his mental well-being as a parent. The conversation also discusses fears that fathers often experience in raising daughters, with Cordan acknowledging the fear of failure and the concern about maintaining a strong bond as his daughter grows older. He highlights the significance of intentional parenting and creating a unique connection with his daughter. Cordan elaborates on the special activities and shared experiences that have strengthened their bond, from touching moments and engaging in activities to volunteering together as a family. The discussion further explores how Cordan balances the demands of work, running his own business, and being the executive director of Fathering Together while prioritizing his family and centering his life around them. Cordan's approach to work and family life allows for effective balance and aligns with the organization's mission. Cordan shares his journey into the Fathering Together communities and the impact they had on his perspective of fatherhood. He attributes his decision to become the executive director to the example set by other fathers and the dedication to fatherhood that he witnessed within the community. He discusses his vision for the organization, emphasizing the importance of equality, breaking the stigma around fatherhood, and supporting fathers in being intentional in their roles. Cordan underlines the significance of fathers knowing they are enough and having a support system to drive positive change in the perception of fatherhood. In conclusion, Christopher acknowledges the ongoing work required to change the perception of fatherhood and praises Cordan for stepping into the role of executive director to lead the organization into its next phase. The episode is a testament to the importance of fathers' roles in parenting and the community's dedication to supporting one another on this shared journey. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today! TRANSCRIPT Christopher Lewis [00:00:06]: Welcome to Dads With Daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong, Independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. As always, every week, you and I are on a journey together. We have an opportunity to be able to Talk together, work together to be able to support each other in this journey that we're on in raising daughters. Such an important journey, such an important job that we all have in being fathers of daughters. And I love being able to sit down with you every week, to be able to have these conversations, to be able to work with you and talk to you, to hear from you About the things that you are dealing with, the struggles that you're dealing with, whatever it may be. Every week, I also love being able to bring you different guests. People that are walking this journey alongside you or have resources that'll help you to be an even more engaged dad, A better father in the end. Christopher Lewis [00:01:16]: And this week, we've got another great guest with us. Corden James is with us today. And Corden is the brand new executive director of Fathering Together. We've been talking about Fathering Together for years, And Fathering Together is the five zero one c three organization that this podcast is a part of. And Corden joined our organization, Okay. Actually, quite a while ago, but joined us as the executive director just recently. And we're gonna get to know him a little bit more. But first and foremost, We've got to get to know him more as a father first, Cordan, thanks so much for being here today. Cordan James [00:01:52]: Absolutely. Honored to be here, Chris. Christopher Lewis [00:01:54]: It is my pleasure having you here today. I love being able to talk to different dads about the experiences that they've had. You got 3 kids, one of which is a daughter. I wanna go back in time. I wanna turn that clock all the way back to that 1st moment that you found out that you were going to be a father to a daughter. What was going through your head? Cordan James [00:02:10]: I was excited. I've always wanted to have my daughter. Just as soon as I found out, I, you know, I started the books and finding out all I could about raising a girl. First of all, just having a baby, period, and what my goals and responsibilities are. And then, you know, from that kind of plan in my legacy as far as being a father to her, getting myself set up and financially stable and my mental health in the right place. And yeah. Christopher Lewis [00:02:33]: When you said that you needed to get your mental health in the right place, talk to me about that. What did that what does that mean to you, and what did you have to do to prepare yourself? Cordan James [00:02:40]: Well, Chris, I am an army veteran. I, you know, spent 5 years active duty army. So when I speak of mental health was really making sure that I had my anxiety in check, my PTSD that I experienced at war and just from life, being able to just find my calmness, find my spirituality, And, you know, I think most of all, just being able to to be present for fatherhood. You know? There's no there's no workbook when it comes to raising children, Raising a daughter. I'm used to raising boys, and I think that's a it's a different approach raising a daughter. Christopher Lewis [00:03:14]: As a veteran, as someone that has dealt with PTSD. There are other dads that are dealing with that as well, and some may have Dealt with it and and really worked through it. Others may have set it to the side and are still working through it themselves. Talk to me about the journey that you had to go on and what you had to do to prepare yourself and get through, Like you said, in getting yourself mentally ready, but to work through that PTSD that that you Have in your life. And I say have, because I know that it's a constant journey. But talk to me about what you had, what you have to do on a daily basis, On a regular basis, what you had to do prior to your daughter being born to be able to work through that PTSD. Cordan James [00:04:03]: Absolutely. I think coming home from Iraq, it started off with Therapy. Being able to meet with my VA therapist on a regular basis, setting that up. I would say another important thing for me was, fitness, Being able to to check my health, being on a regular workout schedule, and, you know, some of the other things like doing things for myself. I think after serving in the military, you know, there's 1% of us Serve in the military, so it's not like I'm able to walk around every day with people that who share the same experiences as I do. So that, you know, that vetting myself, Finding security within my own self, getting on a great schedule that took care of me first before I'm able to pour out for my children and my my partner at her mother, you know, that it took reading some books on how to how to speak to children, you know, on how to to get to their level, to bring a level of understanding. The normal development of a child was important for me to understand. Right? Having anxiety and PTSD. Cordan James [00:04:57]: Sometimes, you know, screaming from a child can be very triggering. When you're not able to control the situation, you're not able to calm my child down. Those are things that I faced as a father. Christopher Lewis [00:05:07]: So in having this in your life And having this as something that you're constantly working on. How do you talk to your kids about PTSD And what you're dealing with, because mental health is not easy to talk to anyone about, but let alone when you live with individuals or have people in their life and they don't understand what's going on. So how do you or how have you Been able to talk to your kids about this so that they understand it and that they understand what you're going through. Cordan James [00:05:38]: I think probably the one of the most pivotal times for me was In waking up with my child, kinda had a rough start to to the day, and I was having a very rough time commuting with her. And I had just looked looked in the very back of the seat, and I told her, hey. Hey, baby. Daddy's gotta process something, and it's gonna it's gonna look differently than what you're used to seeing, but I feel like I'm gonna cry. And at that time, I had I had found out about Emotional freedom techniques or tapping. And so I had let her know that if daddy's gonna process something, that I'm okay, but I'm gonna tap and let these emotions out. And I went through that. She asked if I was okay. Cordan James [00:06:12]: I ended I did end up breaking down, having some tears and some some calming affirmations to reassure myself that I was in a safe place And that I was okay. And I think the you know, we talk about modeling as a parent, modeling the behavior of processing my emotion. Right? I set aside time to process it. I did my tapping, which is my self care, right, caring for myself. You know? And I think where most paid off was a few weeks later, I remember hearing her get frustrated, and, I looked over at her, and she actually began to do the exact same tapping that I was doing. And so I think, you know, she's 9 now. I wouldn't say that she necessarily understands PTSD, but she does understand that when there is an emotion, that you process That you feel it so you can heal it. And I think that's been the most powerful thing between us. Cordan James [00:06:57]: It's improved our communication styles. It's improved my ability to say that I'm Sorry for overreacting or or projecting something that I may be feeling onto her. So it's made for a great communication the older that she gets. Christopher Lewis [00:07:10]: Talk to a lot of dads about having daughters, and one of the things that I hear from a lot of dads is that there are fears When it comes to not only fatherhood, but especially fears when it comes to raising a daughter. Now you said earlier that You knew how to raise a son, but that you needed to learn about how to raise a daughter. So as you think about Fear. Can you think about raising your daughter? What was the biggest fear or is the biggest fear that you have in raising your daughter? You know, Cordan James [00:07:39]: I think in all the conversations with other fathers, I think I would have to Echo the fear of failure. I remember some work that we did together a couple years ago, Chris. We asked, what would you not want your children to say about you or about your parenting? Right? And I think being able to be there so, you know, I would never want my children to say that I wasn't there, that I wasn't present, that I constantly use these opportunities to teach Instead of to get to know them, the fear of failure with her, I think, comes from I think everybody loves to tell me that As your daughter grows older, that she's gonna fall away from you, that there's going to be this huge disruption in life and she's not gonna like you. And I think as a young father, that was very daunting That this relationship could dwindle as she gets older. I think it really put it in the perspective of the work that I'm doing with her today, and I call it work because it's very intentional with her. From the way that I speak to her to the way that I stand around her when she was smaller. She's kinda tall now. She's 9 and she's 5 foot. Cordan James [00:08:36]: So she comes to the bottom of my chin. But as she was younger, you know, it it took me getting down to a knee. They say, you know, getting down to their level as you are the Parent, get down to their level, and they might hear you a little bit differently and better and and receive what you're saying more. Little things like that helped me soften my approach with her gave me I you know, it allowed room for more play, more discussion, for more ways to connect, whether it was painting nails together or Playing in the park or our favorite thing to do is literally walking on curbing, walking on the sidewalk and the very you know, the little curves. I don't know why, but we've just always had this little special moment. We can do that for hours and just laugh and, you know, just connect with each other. Christopher Lewis [00:09:16]: Now you have 3 kids. Each one of them is completely unique. They are different points in their lives, and you have to do what you can do to be able to develop those unique relationships With your kids, what do you do to be able to create that unique bond with your daughter? Cordan James [00:09:32]: I think that's a great question. If I had to look on a day to day, I say, Especially now, it's a habit of finding a way to connect with her no matter what. And whether it's when I pick her up from boys you know, if we start in the morning, I take her to boys and girls club. As soon as we wake up, it's very intentional with Hey, baby. How did you sleep? We get our cuddles in. We're very big cuddlers. So, you know, that's something that's part of our security is is Touching and hugging and kissing and yelling I love yous and the music choices, having little dance parties. Those are constants in our home. Cordan James [00:10:02]: That is just part of our Family culture now. So when I say connecting, especially as she gets older nowadays at 9, it's I hosted a sleepover last week. She had her best friend over and, you know, I had a girl's night with them, and then we had a great morning the next day. Their friend left, but Just providing creating new spaces for her to grow. It might be asking something very specific about her day. Definitely don't allow for just the, how was your day? Oh, it was good. Well, I wanna know a little bit more, so I'm gonna ask some questions that are open ended and and joke with her and and find some commonality. I think, at this point. Cordan James [00:10:38]: I appreciate the ways that we connect, and I appreciate the way that it comes back as well. She's definitely a little mama. She'll if dad's sick, she'll look after me. If sometimes she wants to Feed dad while we're eating dinner. She wants to feed me fries or something along those lines. So just those beautiful ways that I would never expect her to do those things for me, but she has it in her heart and in her soul. Other things we've done to connect is, like, community service. A few years ago, we faced a divorce Together and the separation of that in different homes and coparenting schedules, and I found that volunteering together was our biggest Connection. Cordan James [00:11:15]: I didn't have the money in the world to be able to take her to to do everything, but we would go to churches and volunteer our time, setting up pantries, Feeding the homeless, litter pickups. She got very involved in my own work as a mover or even as a mentor. She's been present for all my mentorships And business meetings and and thrills so forth. Christopher Lewis [00:11:38]: Sounds like special bonds and special times and definitely an opportunity to be able to make those connections and memories that will last for a lifetime, which is always exciting and important. You're really busy. You're a busy guy. You have got a lot of things going on. You You're running a business. You're now the executive director of Fathering Together. So there's a lot of things that you're gonna have to balance, a lot of hats that you have to wear. How do you balance work and raising your kids? Cordan James [00:12:04]: It's interesting because if we look at the history of Korten James and fathering together, So about 2019 is when I processed my divorce, and 2019 is when I also found Dads With Daughters. So it has very much led me to be this executive director. And I say that from the sense that since I joined fathering together, I've centered family first. My life today as a entrepreneur and now as the executive director of of Fathering Together, my family is still the center, more so today than it ever has been. I worked more corporate America, and it never fared well. I was always the father that would be present for my daughter didn't go to dentist without me. She didn't go to doctor's It's without me being able to pick up from school or if there's a sick day, I'm present for it. I would say so Over the few years, it's been a I've been able to center around my kids. Cordan James [00:12:56]: As a as a entrepreneur now owning my own business, I can take the day off. We can take a mental health day today. She's 9 now, so she can come to work with me. I have plenty of opportunities where she comes to work with me on a Saturday for a couple of hours and move some boxes my customers and tells my employees that she's the boss of them because her dad's the boss. So just, again, centering family first has has always been the priority, and finally being able to make that come true amongst the fears of not being able to. As a father, again, somebody who has to provide and protect, You can't just drop the job. You can't take large risks that may cost you your time with your children. So it's definitely paid off over these last few years. Cordan James [00:13:38]: Now it's I'm I'm home when I want to be with enough time for her and I. My evenings are set aside and I, and, it couldn't be a better feeling. Christopher Lewis [00:13:48]: You started getting into your journey with dads with daughters, dads with sons, fathering together. Talk to me let's go back to 2019. What was going on that led you to the communities? What how did you find out about the communities, and how did you get involved first as you were joining our communities? Cordan James [00:14:10]: Honestly, I think I might have connected with Brian somehow on Facebook. I don't know if we actually talked to each other or if I found Dads With Daughters first. I'm pretty sure he invited me into Dads With Daughters. And from there, we became friends and talked more, and I finally was able to meet you. And, You know, I think it was just when I look at Dads With Daughters, the Facebook group, I don't even know how many thousands of people were in that. So it was very it was very grassroots. There was new projects. I think we were starting off with Dove Men's Care. Cordan James [00:14:41]: I always recall the self esteem project that we did with them, which was kinda like my 1st intentional thing with my child. I think we talked a lot about fathers knowing their legacy as far as careers, But what is your legacy as a father? So I think it was all those conversations that brought me to a deeper understanding of who I really want to be as a dad. Not just My child's here, and we're gonna go day by day. But just an intentionality to my thought process, the way that I speak, and it drives everything of who I am as a dad today. So just great conversations, the groups, more conversations with Brian, watching you and Brian raise your daughters who are older than mine. I think for once in my life, I actually had like minded individuals when it came to fatherhood. Fathers who, you know, intergenerational, who knew what they were doing and why they were doing it. Being able to hear their mistakes and their triumphs Gave me a better perspective on what I wanna do and how I wanna be. Christopher Lewis [00:15:38]: So you're sharing that. Now over the years, you got more involved. You Started to engage with other people. And at some point, you decided that you wanted to take that next step to, be considered for the executive director role. What made you decide that you wanted to take this larger step To lead the organization into the future. Cordan James [00:16:00]: I mean, this sounds cliche, but first of all, the example that you and Brian set as fathers has always been motivational, inspirational to me. In my work since 2019, I'll be you know, starting my own businesses and becoming a youth and family mentor, teaching social emotional learning, and And learning peer support and having I think it was you know what? I think it was it was a lot of the leadership opportunities that Brian and you gave Within the group, from different speaking engagements, the different panels, the workshops that we held, just and then just to find that there's more fathers, there's new fathers, there's Other fathers out there that are looking for much of the same. So I think this vision today of having our school based chapters and our community chapters And our online our virtual presence and our in person presence just makes sense. Fatherhood is definitely again, My life my number one is fatherhood, and then my work comes second. And I think being able to not only teach and learn alongside other brothers Has been good for my mental health. I think today as the executive director, it's beautiful just as you know, whether it's different post within the group of dads looking For support or whether it's a a children's issues or child support or just basic support for the day to day grind of being a father, It's the narrative that we continue to talk about. Just wanting to push that further and further into new areas, into new homes, And being able to mix with mothers as a lot of my work before as a youth and family mentor started off with mothers who typically didn't have fathers present. It's just that dedication to fatherhood realizing that the work that we do today matters. Cordan James [00:17:40]: And I think on a global level, we're creating Spaces and making changes for things that we may never see happen. But it takes all of us at the table to have these conversations. So hats off to you. Christopher Lewis [00:17:51]: I appreciate you say saying that, and and it's definitely been a labor of love for Brian and I. But, definitely, as You step into this role, and now that you're in this role, and as you look at the organization and you have a vision in your mind Where you are hoping to lead the organization and work with the board of fathering together to lead it forward. What is your vision. Where are you leading the organization, and what are you hoping that fathering together can do In the future Cordan James [00:18:20]: It's about equality, I think, at this point. We are at the table with mothers and fathers, speaking about our rights, Speaking about the roles that we have in the home, I would love to continue to see fathers understanding their roles alongside their partners, Alongside their children, again, it's the intentionality of being a father that I most enjoy with this this vision of fatherhood is fathers who are intentional in what they're doing, fathers who are supported. Also, this vision of being able to break that stigma around fatherhood that we aren't just breadwinners. I love that you guys are are so extravagant on that point, That we are more than breadwinners, that we are more than our suits and ties, that we are more than our careers. I think it's important that fathers know that they're enough, That they have all that they need, and I think a support system to change excuse me. A support system to support these new changes It's just the pinnacle of what fatherhood needs. Christopher Lewis [00:19:13]: Definitely have a ways to go. There's not a right answer here, but it's definitely 1 step at a time and we move forward Just as that in regard to the fact that, you know, we have to we have to do the good work. We have to Build those relationships, build the connections, and be able to move the organization forward. And I appreciate that you were willing to step forward to lead the organization into the next phase of its existence. It's important for an organization like this to have different thoughts, different ideas, different Perspectives that can be shared by so many, and we work very hard to have a very diverse board that that we can utilize to be able to help us do that too, and I know that you're gonna be able to help us in so many different ways. Now we always finish our interview with what I like to call our fatherhood five, where we ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready? Cordan James [00:20:07]: Yes, sir. Christopher Lewis [00:20:08]: In one word, what is fatherhood? Cordan James [00:20:10]: The first word that came to mind was leadership. I feel that on a daily basis, whether it's starting the day getting her off Or just when she's asleep at night, knowing that she's feeling loved and safe and that she's had a good day, that she's educated, And she has a beautiful relationship with her mother, and we have a beautiful co parenting relationship. Yeah. I think on a daily basis, I feel The sense of accomplishment in raising her. Christopher Lewis [00:20:37]: If I was to talk to your daughter, how would she describe you as a dad? Cordan James [00:20:41]: I would think she would say her dad is a goofball. I don't think she takes me too serious these days. I think she would say that she knows that she's loved, Does she know she can always come to her father? Christopher Lewis [00:20:53]: Fires you to be a better dad. Cordan James [00:20:55]: You know what? I have again, I have to bring this back to fathering together. It's the fathers in fathering together. When I log in Every day, several times a day, and I see the 127,000 dads we have in Dads with Daughters, and I read through the you know, I approve the post. I think it's great that we get approved the post because I get to see them first, so that's always a gift. Once it's approved, you know that there's gonna be a unanimous amount of support. There's gonna be different opinions, but that is always gonna be respectful. And I think I look forward to to seeing more fathers, to hearing their stories As those challenge me to be a a more calmer father, to be a more intentional father, they challenge me to be more present, and that's all I can ask for. Christopher Lewis [00:21:34]: Given a lot of piece of advice today. As we finish up today, what's 1 piece of advice that you'd want to give to every dad? Cordan James [00:21:41]: One piece of advice I would Give to every dad would be to take care of yourself. Look out for you look out for yourself. I think I think we have to get back to having a healthy outlet. You know, I think oftentimes we're on this go you know, I always think about how I'm always on as a father. I'm always tuned in to my kids. I'm always working for my kids. I'm finding new ways to support my partner in raising our children or duties around the home, And I think a lot of dads that I see need a moment to take care of themselves, whether it's, you know, a good gym routine, their spirituality, Being able to talk to a therapist, being able to have a good friend around to listen to you, to call upon, to rescue you at times as a man, Take care of yourself. Christopher Lewis [00:22:27]: Oh, Cordan, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing your journey with your daughter, but also Thank you for stepping up and being willing to step into the executive director role for Fathering Together. We're really excited To have you on board, to have you a part of fathering together, and to lead the organization forward, and I wish you all the best. Cordan James [00:22:49]: Excellent. Thank you so much. It's been an honor to be here. It's an honor to lead forward fathering together, and I look forward to what we continue to do more of. Christopher Lewis [00:22:57]: The fatherhood insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best Dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And the fatherhood insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, Step by step road maps and more. You will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out atfatheringtogether.org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes today. Dads with Daughters is a program of fathering together. Christopher Lewis [00:23:40]: We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters And be the best dad that you can be. We're all in the same boat, And it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy Add in presents and bring your a game because those kids are growing fast. The time Buzz by just like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen, Be the best dad you can be. Be the best

In this episode of the "Dads with Daughters" podcast, host Christopher Lewis welcomes author and parenting expert Michelle Icard. The podcast aims to provide resources and support to help fathers be the best they can be in raising strong, independent daughters. Christopher introduces Michelle Icard, highlighting her extensive experience as a writer and her focus on parenting topics. Michelle is the author of several books, including "14 Talks by Age 14," "Middle School Makeover," and her newest book, "Eight Setbacks that can make a child a Success." She's also a parent herself, with two young adult children. Michelle shares her journey into writing and parenting support. She mentions that her initial foray into writing was sparked by a teacher who recognized her writing skills when she was a 9th grader. This experience helped her identify herself as a writer, even though it wasn't her primary focus at the time. She later developed a social leadership curriculum for middle schoolers, which became the basis for her first book. The conversation transitions into discussing Michelle's focus on middle school children and the challenges they face during that developmental stage. She explains that middle school is a critical time when kids are building their adult brains, bodies, and identities, which can lead to both internal and external struggles. She emphasizes the importance of understanding this transformative process. The podcast delves into Michelle's book "14 Talks by Age 14," where she provides practical guidance for parents on how to approach essential conversations with their children, from topics like sex and sexuality to friendship and risk-taking. The book includes conversation scripts, conversation starters, and tips for initiating discussions with children who might not always be receptive. The conversation evolves to discuss Michelle's latest book, "Eight Setbacks that can make a child a Success." Michelle explains that she identified eight archetypal setbacks that children commonly face during their development. These setbacks include the rebel, the daredevil, the misfit, the ego, the loner, the sensitive one, the black sheep, and the benchwarmer. She emphasizes that children may move through different archetypes at various stages of their lives. Michelle's three-step approach to handling setbacks—contain, resolve, and evolve—is discussed in detail. The podcast highlights that the book is not just for parents of middle schoolers; it's relevant for parents with children aged 8 to 18. Christopher emphasizes the longevity of the lessons Michelle provides, which continue to be applicable as children grow into young adults. Michelle expresses her desire for parents to feel relief after reading her book. She wants parents to understand that the challenges their children face are part of the normal developmental process. She emphasizes that mistakes and setbacks are opportunities for growth and learning. Christopher encourages listeners to connect with Michelle through her website, michelleicard.com, and her Instagram profile. He also mentions her Facebook group, "Less Stressed Middle School Parents," which is relevant for parents of middle school and high school children. The episode concludes with a message of encouragement for parents to embrace the challenges and setbacks their children face, recognizing that these experiences contribute to their growth into capable, confident adults. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today! TRANSCRIPT Christopher Lewis [00:00:06]: Welcome to dads with daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads resources and more to help you be the best dad you can be. Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast, where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughter's lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. As always, every week you and I are on a journey together and it's a great opportunity for us to be able to talk one on one about the journey that you're on and raising your daughters, it's not always going to be easy. It's not always going to be a simple journey. There's going to be bumps in the road, but that's why we're here. We're here to walk alongside you as you go through this and hopefully give you some tips, some hints, some resources, some things that you can draw on, some tools for that toolbox that you carry with you that will help you in that journey that you're on. Christopher Lewis [00:01:03]: Every week I bring you different guests, different people from different walks of life, dads, moms, other resources that will help you to be able to do just that. And that's what this show is all about. This show is all about helping you to walk this journey. And I am so happy that every week I get to have that opportunity with you. This week, we've got another great guest with us today. Michelle Eichert is with us today. And Michelle has written for the Today Show Parenting Team, NBC News, Learn, CNN Science and Wellness and The Washington Post. She's the author of a few different books, one called 14 Talks by Age 14 and Middle School Makeover. Christopher Lewis [00:01:46]: And we're also going to be talking about a brand new book that she has written called Eight Setbacks that can make a child a Success. And I'm really excited to be able to talk to her because she is a parent herself. She has two young adult children, and also all these topics are definitely relevant to the journey that thank you so much for having me. I'm really happy to chat our parenting experience. So Michelle, thanks so much for being here today. I'm really excited to be able to have you on and to talk about not only the new book, but some of these other books too, because I think all of these topics are ones that we probably could have multiple podcast episodes on because they're definitely issues and things that we deal with as parents. I guess first and foremost, I'd love to go back. I said that you have a brand new book that you have called Eight Setbacks that can make a child a success. Christopher Lewis [00:02:48]: But before we jump into that, you've had three different books that you have written and I would love to kind of go back in time because all of these are talking about kids, they're talking about parents, they're talking about working with kids. Talk to me a little bit about your background that led you to wanting to be a writer. Because I've written books, I know how much time and effort it takes, and it is definitely a passion project to get these things done. So talk to me about the journey and what made you decide you wanted to be an author. T Michelle Icard [00:03:55]: The first book came out in 2015. Prior to that book, I had been working in this field with young adolescents and their parents and their schools because I had developed a curriculum, which I called a social leadership curriculum, and it was for middle schoolers, and it started in 2004. So my kids were two and four at the time. My kids are now 21 and 23, so they have really grown up through all of this and have been wonderful guinea pigs for me personally and professionally to help me figure things out. But I started not thinking that I would write a book. I always knew that I loved writing. And I will say that there was a moment in my life when I was a 9th grader and I felt like most 9th graders probably do, which is I had a big question mark as to who I was. And I didn't really know who to be friends with or how I wanted to present myself or what I thought about things. I was really floundering. And we were given an assignment in 9th grade English to write a short biography, a two page story from our life, and I did it. And I was a nervous kid. I was a very anxious, nervous kid, as probably many writers were. Michelle Icard [00:04:33]: And so I handed in my paper, and it came back with all these red marks on it. And I panicked because this happened to be a teacher at our school who was known for being very loud and very aggressive, and he might throw a book across the room. The teachers could do that kind of thing. And so I saw the red marks, and I thought, oh, please let me just be swallowed up by the earth. I can't take it. And at the top of the paper, he had written a minus you are a writer, period. And everything changed for me in that moment. I thought, oh, my gosh, this is who I am. Michelle Icard [00:05:08]: Thank goodness someone told me who I am, because often we're afraid of giving kids labels, but I tell you, sometimes it's wonderful to be told. I think you're a blank. I think you're a diplomat, I think you're a writer, I think you're a musician, I think you're an artist, I think you're an attorney. I think whatever. That felt so good for me. But in any event, I tucked that away as just sort of a pleasure practice. I liked to write kind of for fun. I did this curriculum, so it was more businessy writing than anything, and then I was giving a lot of talks about the program and the effect it was having on kids. Michelle Icard [00:05:45]: And parents were saying, we love that you have this for our kids, but what do you have for us? We need something. So the first book was really born out of that request, and that was middle school. Makeover that's a primer for parents, just sort of how to get through middle school easier. And from there, things kind of started to snowball. Talk to me about middle school because I've talked to teachers before about being a middle school teacher. Middle school age is an interesting age. It's definitely a can be a challenging age for parents. It can be challenging age for teachers as well as kids. Christopher Lewis [00:06:18]: And as you said, you started to do your curriculum and your writing when your kids were very young, but you were focusing on the middle school age. What was it about the middle school age that really drew you in and kept you in that space as you wanted to not only help the kids, but help then parents of that age of child? Michelle Icard I have always loved coming of age as a concept. I love it in pop culture, I love it in movies, I love Ya books. I've always been fascinated by that. What happened that sort of spawned this curriculum. As I was out to lunch with some girlfriends and we were all talking about how hard middle school was for us, and each of us had a successful private business that we were running, and we were happy and we were in great relationships, but we said you couldn't pay us to go back to middle school. It was so hard. And I thought, that's unfortunate, and I want to learn more about why that is. Michelle Icard [00:07:17]: So I'm very curious, and I just did a deep dive into what makes coming of age and early adolescence so hard when it looks so fun on TV and in books, such a pleasure to consume at this age, but was so miserable to go through at that age. So I just am fascinated by what I call the middle school construction project. So it's a time when a kid is building the three things they need to become an adult an adult brain, an adult body, and an adult identity. And that is what drives most of my work. That's really interesting. I've had middle schoolers. Mine are now either in high school or college. Yours are past this age, too, but parents aren't always told that. Christopher Lewis [00:08:06]: And that is something that once you say it, I can't unhear it. But it is definitely something that I think that parents do need to hear. And I'm sure that in that first book that you wrote, you delved deeper into that to be able to help parents to kind of flip that switch for themselves, to reconceptualize those middle school years. Michelle Icard Yeah, there's something beautiful about the chaos, I think. So you have these early years of adolescence where your body is going through tremendous change, where your brain is restructuring and rewiring in preparation to become an adult brain, and where you are trying to figure out your own sense of self and your own sense of identity. And what that means is really figuring out who you are apart from your parents. So to a parent, that can look contrarian or rebellious or rude or disrespectful, but to a kid it's a really important and clunky clumsy practice of trying to say who am I by myself. Because really what kids need to do is become independent. Michelle Icard [00:09:15]: That's our hope for them. And yet we're also incredibly uncomfortable with the how of that process because it just doesn't feel good when a kid doesn't do it gracefully. And they mostly don't do it gracefully because they're very new to it. How could they do it gracefully for the first time? So they're going to be rude and they're going to be forgetful and they're going to be self centered. And that's all just critical to figuring out who they are separate from the people who raised them. They come back around, though. That's the nice part. They do come back around. Christopher Lewis [00:09:48]: Now, you started with that first book. You moved into the 14 Talks by age 14. And I guess let's talk a little bit about that book because you moved from helping parents to better understand those years to then something a bit, I'm going to say, very tangible in regard to specific things that you should be talking to your kids about. And I know that not everyone has read this book. Can you talk to me about what led you to this and how you identified those 14 Talks? Was it because of the conversations you had with your own kids or was it something different? Michelle Icard The 14 Talks came out of a desire to help parents with what I think is one of the hardest parts of parenting. They were saying to me over and over again, yeah, I get it. I get that I'm supposed to talk to my kid about X, Y or Z, but tell me the words. I don't know what to say. Michelle Icard [00:10:42]: And also my kid won't listen. So I don't know how to get my kid to pause and listen to what I'm saying about sex and sexuality or friends and when friendships don't go the way they're planned or risk taking or any of that stuff. So I wanted it to be super practical in the sense that there are scripts in the book and you can read them and at least be inspired by them and then make them your own. But it gets you over that sort of stage fright of how do I begin? It also contains things I call conversation Crashers and Conversation starters. So things that if you take this approach, your kid's going to roll their eyes and walk out of the room. So don't. And other ways that you can successfully begin a conversation with a kid when they're at an age when they're pulling apart and they don't really want to listen. So that's sort of the crux of the book. Michelle Icard [00:11:31]: And the way I came up with the 14 is I have a parenting group on Facebook and there are 12,000 members. They're from all over the country. It's a private group, but anyone can join. It's called less stressed middle school parents. If anyone listening, wants to pop over there, come hang out with us. I'm working really hard to make it a very supportive corner of Facebook. I asked them, what are the things that, you know, you need to talk about but are struggling with with your child? Created a massive list, rented an airbnb, put each thing on an index card, and covered the floor of the airbnb and walked around like I was solving a crime, actually, until I saw trends where things should be clunked together. And that's how I did it. Christopher Lewis [00:12:12]: So very practical. I love the fact that you used your group as your sounding board, and I can just see you in my mind's eye walking around that airbnb trying to find and being like, AHA, I found it. Exactly. I can link Deodorant with whatever over here, and we can make it work. I know we can get that into one conversation. Yeah. So you left that book and you now have a brand new book called Aid Setbacks that can make a child a success. And I think one of the things that I think is challenging also in these years is the fact that, like you said, little things can become very big things very quickly, and something that for us would be like, not a big deal is a huge deal for kids during these years. Christopher Lewis [00:13:10]: Whether it's friendships, whether it's a grade, whether it's somebody just says something the wrong way and it's internalized. They can really derail not only a day, but a month, a year. It can really lead kids down that rabbit hole very quickly. And as parents, I know I've had those situations where you're trying to reel them back out and when they've hunkered down and shut that door, sometimes it's very difficult. However, you do need to still be able to provide them with the skills to build that armor for themselves in many ways to help them to be resilient for the future. So talk to me about what led you into this now next book that has built on the work that you've done previously and how it's different from the first two books. Michelle Icard So this has really been an evolution with these three books, from very foundational, practical information you need to understand what your kid is going through to very practical, communication based writing on how to talk to your kid about these very tricky topics that they will encounter to a broader, almost more academic look. At? What does it mean to come of age back to that concept that I love so much? And how do you usher your child across the threshold from being a kid to becoming a responsible, happy, young adult? And I think many of us culturally, societally, are just getting it wrong. Michelle Icard [00:14:53]: And it's because we don't have a manual or directions that say, this is the way kids become adults. And we so often just think, I guess they pass their classes or they get a driver's license or a job, and that makes them an adult. And those are all good things that we want for our kids, but they are not the recipe. And so this book is really introducing what I believe to be based on a ton of research that other people have done and that I've sort of aggregated what I believe to be the recipe for how kids become. Successful, happy, competent, confident adults and what we need to do to make that possible for them and not to stymie them in their challenges. Christopher Lewis I know that one of the things that you introduce in the book is your three step approach for any kind of failure. Can you talk to me about that and how you came up with that, but also maybe how you use that with your own kids and how you've seen it kind of play out in real life.  Michelle Icard [00:15:59]: So, yeah, I'd love to talk about that. The three steps are contain, resolve, and evolve. And I came to this process after interviewing families all across the country about experiences of failure that their kids had gone through. So they ranged from sort of subtle, like my kid had a loss of confidence and that was scary to watch for a while to dramatic or shocking or dangerous. My kid ended up in the hospital because they drank too much alcohol, or my kid got suspended from school because they broke rules or these kinds of things. So a wide variety. I looked at all of those and then I thought about, well, how do each of these families get through it? I asked them things that worked for me, for people I know, and did more research, which I love to do. So I came up with this process that I think fits all of them. And the first step is contain. Michelle Icard [00:16:50]: And that means you've got to just sort of put a tourniquet on the problem. You've got to stop the bleeding. So if something is coming at your child that's problematic, maybe there's a bully in the school. Maybe your child is using technology in a way that's not appropriate. Then you may have to contain what's coming at them. Or if your child is making decisions that are dangerous for them, you may have to contain the child. And that means, look, you're going to stay home this weekend. We got to figure some things out because it feels like the world's getting a little too big and dangerous right now. Michelle Icard [00:17:21]: So that's the first step. A lot of times parents will go, good, I'm done, I've contained the problem. That's probably all I need to do. That's putting a band Aid on. But you really need to fix the wound underneath there. So that's the next step. And that's resolve. And in the book there's a big menu of items that parents can look at and talk with their kids about and then based on whatever challenge they're facing, they can pick one or two and that's taking action to fix the problem. Michelle Icard [00:17:49]: So that might mean that an apology is necessary. It might mean that the kid has a misunderstanding about how something works in the world and they need more education or they might need professional consult or they might need an opportunity to negotiate for something that they want. So there's a big list that they can choose from. This is important because taking action is what keeps kids from feeling helpless when they're experiencing a challenge. We don't want that. And the third step is evolve. And I think it's the most important. And that's where we put this in the rear view mirror and don't keep revisiting it so that this doesn't become the headline of a kid's childhood. Michelle Icard [00:18:26]: It just becomes something they experienced and learned from and then they can move on. So important because as I said earlier, I mean the fact that some of these things can become that headline and kids at this age, at least in my experience, will hyper focus. And like I said, sometimes the small things become so big that they don't know how to make them small again. And as parents, I know there's been many times where I've had to reframe and I've had to work with my own kids to be able to help them to, as you said, contain and then resolve and to evolve. I didn't have those words, but I was doing that in my own way.  Christopher Lewis [00:19:25]: So it's interesting that you frame it in that way. Now, you can tell you've done a lot of research, you've talked to a lot of people that have led you to putting this together. And you talk about eight setbacks. Define a setback and what does that mean for the child and what does that mean for the parent? Michelle Icard So whatever you call these setbacks or failures or challenges, I tend to think of them as experiences with failure. So that word failure makes some people really uncomfortable, therefore didn't make it on the title because I didn't. And also I didn't want a kid to see the book in their parents possession and think, oh, you think I'm a failure? So I was cautious about leading with that. But throughout the book, I describe ways in which kids fail. And there are these eight archetypes that I came up with after interviewing all of these families and they are the rebel. So that's failure to follow the rules. The daredevil that's failure to take care of your body. The misfit is really the academic misfit. Michelle Icard [00:20:18]: So that's failure to perform in school the way that people expect you to. The ego is failure to show concern for others. The loner is failure to connect with your peers. The sensitive one is failure to handle your feelings. You're easily overwhelmed, maybe anxious. The black sheep is similar to the loner, but the black sheep fails to connect with their family so oftentimes the black sheep will have a robust peer group socially who they like and hang out with. But they feel like the odd person out among their family members and the loner feels like the odd one out among their peers. And often their parents will substitute in as their friends. Michelle Icard [00:20:56]: And then the final one is the benchwarmer. And they have a failure to believe in themselves. So they are like you guys play, I'll sit here and watch. I'm not really good at that. You guys are better at it than I am. So from all of those, you may recognize your kid as one of these sometimes and then they become another one a little bit later. I can tell you from my own youth, I was sometimes the bench warmer, I was sometimes the rebel and I was always the sensitive one. Really anxious little kid. Michelle Icard [00:21:27]: So kids will pass through these at different times. There'll be one and then there'll be another. They may be a couple at the same time, but this contain, evolve or resolve. Evolve is a way of keeping them from identifying as that forever and learning that they can be more than that and that you see them as more than that. It's interesting is that while this has been written for a middle school age child, the way that you define and that you're talking about these phases or these archetypes, I could say that I see it in high schoolers too. And I think that it seems like that even if your child is not in middle school, that the things that you're teaching here are things that will only continue as they continue through high school, maybe even into some years of college as they get older. Absolutely. And I'll tell you, I've done this work for 20 years and I've been in the middle school realm very squarely for almost all of it. Michelle Icard [00:22:33]: But this book is actually for parents of kids through high school. So your instincts are right and it is for parents, really of kids ages eight to 18. So that's my setback to overcome, I guess. People see me squarely as middle school because I've been doing it for so long, but now I'm really bringing in some high school topics. So you'll find some topics that are elementary age appropriate and some that are very high school and beyond, as you say. So you have built building blocks in regards to the books that you've been writing, you've been researching this for many years and working with parents for many years on all of these different topics. As you have been looking at all of these different aspects, you're at this point in your life with your own kids and in the research that you've done, what gaps still exist for you and what do you want to look at next? Well, this is real fantasy world stuff, but I am really interested in kind of a memoir. I know that that's a departure from everything I've done so far, but that 9th grade writer who had to write that family story, I think about that a lot. Michelle Icard [00:23:46]: And my mother passed away last year and my birth father passed away last year. I have a stepfather alive who I have considered my father for most of my life. And you go through these phases of parenting your younger kids and for a while then you're sort of parenting your parent, especially if there's an illness or they need more help from you. And all of that arc of parenting my own kids to parenting my parents, it's brought up a lot of stuff that I'm like, oh, this is kind of an interesting new way to explore concepts of parenting through personal stories and memoir. But that really is the stuff of fantasy at this point. That would be five or ten years off, I could imagine. But I do think it would be a really fun thing and creative thing to explore. Christopher Lewis So as people pick up this book in your mind, what is the one or two things that you're hoping that every person takes out of reading this? Michelle Icard [00:24:56]: I'm so happy you asked that because with all of my work and with this book especially, I want you to feel relief. I think you're going to feel relief. I think if you are worried because your child is one of those archetypes that I mentioned, and you're so scared that your kid is never going to have confidence and they're not going to make friends with people who treat them well. Or you're scared your kid's never going to care about somebody else. They're so selfish. Or they're never going to take care of themselves and they're going to get hurt. Whatever it may be, I want you. To pick up this book and start reading and take a deep breath and sigh a sigh of relief knowing that every single family is going through something similar to what you're going through. And we all have these same struggles and emotions, and if we can lift the veil on that sort of nervousness and embarrassment around the very normal, natural things that happen to kids when they're growing up, I think we will all be much happier and more comfortable and more satisfied as parents. Christopher Lewis [00:25:48]: I appreciate you saying that because I think that the word that you just used at the end, I think is important. Being satisfied as parents, because I think we walk through life as parents many times, and we do our best to raise good kids, kids that are making a difference in society, that are helping others. We try to give them the values that are important to our family and do all these other things. But then, I don't know that we always ask or think about are we satisfied with the work that we do and satisfied with how our kids are turning up? We definitely get worried about whether the kids are turning out the way that we hope that they are, but I don't know that we always think about that. Michelle Icard My plug is that if you're worried about raising good kids, I think good kids screw up a lot, and I think that makes them really great adults. I mean, I have an example in the book, and I'm not going to get into it right now, but a story about my coming of age and the decision I made that was disastrous, that taught me one of the biggest lessons of my life. That fills me still with regret and embarrassment. But I am so happy I screwed up in that way because I learned so much about myself. Michelle Icard [00:27:16]: If you are constantly living in the world of ease and perfection, you really don't grow and you don't learn about yourself. So unburden yourself of the worry that you're raising a good kid. If you see them screwing up, you're probably raising a great kid. They're probably learning a ton along the way. So I want to leave parents with that sense of and Christopher Lewis Michelle, if people want to find out more about you, about the book, about your community, where should they go?  Michelle Icard [00:27:56]: I'd love for people to find me on Instagram. If you're on Instagram, it's just my full name, michelleicard. It's two L's, and it's spelled like Icard I-C-A-R-D. So I'm on Instagram. My Facebook group is less stressed middle school parents, but we have tons of high school parents there now, too. So you can find me there and then connect on my website, which is just my name, Michelleikerd.com. I will put a link in the notes today for these different sites. But then also we'll make sure that we have a link to the books so that you can check them out for yourself and find them, because I know they're all out there. And these books will definitely help you whether you have middle schoolers or not. In this new one, like Michelle just said, even if you have up through age 18, it's definitely going to be a book that you're going to want to check out. And even if you have little kids, prepare now because there's going to be times when you're going to need some resources at your fingertips.  Christopher Lewis [00:28:48]: So, Michelle, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for your time today, for being here, for doing all of this. Work and making parenting easier because we all need it. And I truly appreciate that you have done it and I wish you all the best. Michelle Icard Thank you, Christopher, and thanks for this podcast. Christopher Lewis If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out The Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And The Fatherhood Insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on Fatherhood. Christopher Lewis [00:29:28]: Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step by step, roadmaps and more, you will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out@fatheringtogether.org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes. Today Dads with Daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters and be the best dad that you can be. We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them present. Bring your A game because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men get out and be the one to now be the best die you can be. You're the best dad you can be.

In this episode of the "Dads with Daughters" podcast, host Christopher Lewis emphasizes the importance of fathers supporting and guiding their daughters to become strong, independent women. He shares his own journey as a father of two daughters and his motivation behind creating this podcast - to learn from others and help dads navigate the challenges of fatherhood together. Christopher introduces his guest, Rodney White, a father of three from Kansas, including two daughters. Rodney discusses his initial apprehension when he found out he was going to be a father to a daughter, particularly due to his lack of experience raising girls. However, he highlights the value of adapting and learning from the journey. One of Rodney's biggest fears in raising a daughter is helping her navigate the challenges of the middle school years, where girls often face insecurity and peer pressure. He emphasizes the importance of building his daughter's self-confidence and self-worth through individual activities that challenge her and allow her to develop resilience. Christopher and Rodney discuss the balance between work and family life, with Rodney expressing his commitment to making time for his kids despite potential career sacrifices. He shares how he prioritizes spending quality time with his daughters, supporting their interests, and being present in their lives. They delve into the challenges of letting children fail and learn from their mistakes, which can be difficult for parents who want to protect them. Rodney acknowledges that allowing his daughter to experience consequences is essential for her growth and development. The conversation also explores what it means to be a "girl dad." Rodney reflects on how being a father to a daughter involves setting an example, providing support, and helping her navigate a world that can sometimes be challenging for girls. Rodney emphasizes the parallels between parenting and sports, particularly the importance of instilling a strong work ethic and teaching children to handle success and failure gracefully. He believes that these lessons from sports can translate into valuable life skills. The episode concludes with a discussion of the joy that comes from hearing positive feedback about your children's behavior and character from others, reinforcing the importance of raising good people in a sometimes challenging world. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today! TRANSCRIPT Christopher Lewis [00:00:06]: Welcome to dads with daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads resources and more to help you be the best dad you can be. Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast, where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughter's lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week, and as always, I love being on this journey with you. You know, I'm a father of two daughters and this podcast was created somewhat cathartically to be able to learn from all of you, but also to help you in this journey that you're on, because all of us are on an individual journey, but we don't have to be on this journey alone. We have so many other dads around us that have gone through this, that are going through this, and we can support each other and learn from each other. And that's what this podcast is all about. It's all about the fact that you don't have to do it alone. Christopher Lewis [00:01:03]: You don't have to go it alone. You can talk to people around you, but you can also listen to people and listen to their experiences, take things that work and incorporate them into your own lives. Every week I have a great opportunity to be able to sit down and talk to different guests, different dads that come from many different walks of life but are doing fatherhood in a little bit different way. And they are able to share with all of us the journey that they've been on, the things that have worked, maybe things that haven't worked, and help all of us to be able to do what we can do, to be able to be the best dads that we want to be and that we can be. This week, we've got another great guest with us. Rodney White is with us today and Rodney is from Kansas. He has three kids. He has two daughters and a son. And I'm really excited to be able to talk with him today, to have him here and to learn from his experiences. Rodney, thanks so much for being here today.  Rodney White Yeah, thanks for having me. I really appreciate it. It's my pleasure having you here today. Christopher Lewis I love being able to talk to different dads, and one of the first things I love doing when I have these conversations is to turn the clock back in time. And I'm going to turn it back a few years back to that first moment, that first moment when you found out that you were going to be a father to a daughter. What was going through your head? Rodney White [00:02:29]: Well, to be quite honest with you, I'll never forget the day. And the reason why is because I was a father of a son first. And I say that because my son, which I love him to death, 15 years old at the time, was, I believe, three, maybe four at the time, and was a lot. Let's just say when my youngest daughter was born, she wasn't something that we had planned and so we were a little freaked out. The reason I say that is because my oldest daughter so I have three kids. My oldest daughter's 22. I adopted her when she was at the age of seven. So I never really had that first through seven years. And my son was a lot like I said, and he was a boy and he is a boy and he's just 100% boy and go, go. Rodney White [00:03:03]: And be honest with you, my wife and I were like, I don't know if we can do this. I don't know if we can survive a second one. Obviously being as young as we were and knowing what I know now, we were going to be okay. And we figured out but knowing that we were having a daughter, I didn't know what to think. And the reason I didn't know what to think is because the youngest of four boys, so I grew up with no sisters a mother, but my mother was more the father figure. She was the disciplinarian and all of that. So I was honestly I was freaked out because I didn't know what to do. And what I mean by that is hair right now she's twelve years old. Rodney White [00:03:35]: So I'm going through some changes there. All of those things were running through my head like I have no idea how to raise girl. And so yeah, freaked me out for a little bit and quickly just settled in and realized that it's a new opportunity and we were going to learn. So yeah, I mean, obviously excited but scared to death because I was the youngest of four boys and I had no idea what I was doing. Christopher Lewis Really understand that. I have heard that so many times from so many dads that you walk in and there's definitely some fear there. And I hear it a lot with the dads that I talk to that have daughters that there is some fear. What would you say has been your biggest fear in raising a daughter? Rodney White My biggest fear, to be quite honest with you, is now I really didn't have any fear with my youngest because it was so easy to be honest with you. And I say that not the girls are easy to raise, but I always say if we would have had her first, would have had 15 more. My biggest fear is probably right now she's going into the middle school world. And I have one that went to the high school world that didn't have the greatest experience in the world. And to be honest with you, just that world of insecurity that girls come into, not that guys don't and boys don't have it. That middle school world is just so brutal and I think it's so life changing. My biggest fear is navigating her through that to make sure she comes out with self confidence and makes the right decisions and all of those, but from zero to twelve, there was no fear. I mean, she's been awesome, but this has always been my fears getting to this age. And we're here right now. Christopher Lewis [00:05:01]: Talk to me about that, because like you said, you want to build her self confidence, you want to safeguard her as she's going through that middle school process. What have you or are you doing to be able to not only prepare yourself, but helping your daughter to prepare for the reality that is middle school? Rodney White Yeah, so really the only thing that I can say, I mean, I had a really good friend of mine that was an MMA and boxing coach, and sports has always been a passion of mine. That's where my foundation raises. And I had my son in boxing and just training, nothing crazy, wasn't actually participating in fights, but what I noticed and what my friend told me was individual sports. And I say sports because that's where the world I live into. It could be anything individual. If it's learning an instrument, if it's doing something that's really hard by yourself that you have to get better at by doing it consistently raises self confidence. So I think that's what I've done is try from five years old on up, is try to build her self confidence, self worth, in something that going through hard things. We talk about that all the time. We can do hard things. And understanding that she is much more than what the world's getting ready to tell her that she is. So we just try to do single activities. If it was gymnastics, if it's singing, she's done musical things like that. Just try to do things to really build her up and let her know that she can do anything. And that sounds so cliche. You can do anything you want. Rodney White [00:06:21]: You really can. But I wanted her to be able to do that outside of a screen, outside of a phone, outside of an iPad, and something that she had to fail at. Because I don't think as parents, we let our kids fail enough and then let her build her up and give her support and let her see that, man, that was hard. But look how much better I am now, because I think that's the confidence builder. Going into middle school, when you feel like you know yourself and you know that you're struggling in math and somebody says something or whatever the case may be, you already know that work side. So we just try to create work ethic, I think, and just some of that inner strength, it definitely does. And I think that you definitely have to do that and you have to adjust along the way as you see how your child is thriving or is struggling, and you adjust as they go through the experience. And you have to just have open dialogues about what's going on. Rodney White [00:07:13]: Sometimes that's easier said than done, especially as they get into those teenage years and would rather be in their rooms than sometimes talking to mom and dad. But that being said, if you have created the environment for a child to know that you're there, to know that you're willing to help and be there, you know that they're going to come to you if and when they need that as well. And that's one of the cool things I like. Again, I'll go to the sports side because that's the world we live in. But we did it last night. We went to pitching lessons and it wasn't about the pitching lesson. I actually told this to my wife. It's not about the pitching lesson. It's not about going and getting better at the sport, which we tried to do, and we put it with the right people. But I had a 35 minutes car ride with my twelve year old on the way there and I had a 35 minutes car ride after endorphins were already flowing, so she was more talkative on the way home. We got an hour and ten minutes to sing Taylor Swift or Me Poke fun at Taylor Swift or have fun or hear about her school day and all of those things. And she couldn't open up a package of fruit snacks at lunch and she told me all about that. So that to mean that was worth every bit of it. So just trying to do that, I get that time, and I think that's so important. I know that you are a busy guy. You work full time and you're raising two kids still in the house. Christopher Lewis [00:08:31]: Talk to me about balance and how you balance what you're doing on a daily basis and how you're balancing that with being engaged with your kids. Rodney White Yeah, it's really hard. I don't know that I do a really good job at it, to be honest with you. One of the struggles that I have is not going all in. And I say that because when we go, I always tell them, I don't care what you do, we're going to go do it. Well, I told you my son Box, my oldest daughter, she played basketball for a little bit and then my youngest daughter played softball and then she did musicals. So whatever we're going to do, we're going to do it at 100%. I'm going to go find you the best people and we're going to put you around it. We're going to go try to be really good at it. The hardest part for me is making sure that I've still got time at home. For my wife, I struggle really bad with that because she doesn't have the same mindset as me. She is at home, and when I say same mindset, she's not as obsessed with the sports world as I am and that's okay. And she does a good job of supporting me. But I say that because being able to manage it, I have taken less jobs or less money to make sure that I'm around my kids that I can get off at 430. I could probably double my salary right now tomorrow if I wanted to go and work all the time. And I refuse to do it. Rodney White [00:09:41]: So I just make it a priority. I think that's probably the biggest thing I can tell you is I make sure that they get my full attention. If it's something at 06:00, I'm going to make sure that I'm done at 05:00 so I can get home and get them taken care of and things like that. So I guess the answer to the question is I make it a priority to make sure that they're getting the time that I think that they should get. But it's hard, man. Sometimes I go into work early, not often, but to be able to get out of work early. Or it's one of those deals that you just have to let you use the word adjust. You have to be able to adjust and sacrifice. Rodney White [00:10:15]: And one of the things I've never allowed myself to do was sacrifice my kids time. I only get it one time. So I'm going to make their games, I'm going to make their practices. I'm going to make whatever it is and whatever it takes. And that's important because putting yourself out there, being present, being willing to be interested not only in the things that you are interested in, but the things that they are interested in, is so critical because you're going to be able to create even stronger bonds with your children when you do that. The other part of that is making I try to really make sure that while we do all of that stuff, that I want them to be a kid too, right? So we make sure that they go to birthday parties. We make sure that they are outside and they're spending time with their friends and things like that. Because I think some people can get caught up and I do too sometimes. And you get caught up in just trying to do all the right things. But sometimes they got to be a kid too, so they got to be able to do a little bit of both. Christopher Lewis So important as well. And I was just going to say, let's be honest, not everything that our kids love doing are things that we're going to like doing. But that doesn't mean that you don't still take the time to learn more about it and to understand why they like it. Because that's going to show them that you're invested, you're interested, and that you're willing to do it. They'll know if you like it or not. They're going to know whether or not you are passionate about playing Barbies or not, but just being there and knowing that Dad's willing to do that is just part of the things that are going to make or break that relationship. Rodney White [00:11:59]: I said it earlier and she's actually going tonight for a tryout for the musical at our local high. And she's been in three. It is not my world, it's mom's world. I don't mind it though. I actually learned to enjoy it and I think that's really what it is and I believe this with my whole heart. While sports is something that I love, and I'm super glad that my daughter got into softball and I can teach it. It's a world that I played baseball growing up and yeah, it fits. My oldest daughter didn't, she played basketball, she didn't love it. I recognized it, gave her the opportunity and was like, hey, you don't have to do this her sophomore year in high school. But my daughter's going to the musical and we're going to make sure that same thing, right? Just because it's not softball, it doesn't change that, hey, I'm going to make sure that I'm off early. I'm going to make sure that she's got a presentation on Friday at 05:00. That's what we're going to be there and we're going to be there in the front row and all those things. So yeah, it's crucially important. We talk a lot about, especially with sports. And I tell all my girls I coach as well, so I help coach my daughter's team. So I'm around a lot of 1112 13 year old girls and we talk to them a ton about this is what you do, this is not who you are. Rodney White [00:12:58]: And we really make that because I think a lot of times they can forget that the success or the lack of success is where my love lies. And that's not it at all. And I try to focus on that. She's twelve, so she has a phone and you talk about again, we go back to the word adjust. We text a lot because that's her communication, right? That's the way she likes to communicate. And we talk, we have great conversations. But I really make sure that I text her probably once a week. Something in the realm of sports is not who you are, it's what you do. It's a thing that you do. I'm proud of you for X, I'm proud of you for whatever. So she can read that now. She may not respond because she's twelve years old or I may get a K or that was weird, dad or whatever, but making sure that they understand that just because of what we do, no matter what it is, that doesn't define who we are as a person. And I think that's important too. Very true and very important as well.  Christopher Lewis I think that one of the things that I would put out there is just the fact that there are going to be high times there's going to be low times in parenting, in parenting, any type of child, whether it's a daughter, a son, multiple kids, it's not going to be all roses. As you look at the time that you've had with your daughters, what would you say has been the hardest part of being a father to a daughter? Rodney White [00:14:14]: Patience. Letting them fail. I had this conversation, actually, today knowing, I think as us, as parents, at least, I feel like I can see the future. Right? And we all can see the future. We understand if you're walking down this road with the people that you're hanging out with or the certain things that you're doing, we know the consequences. They don't. Right? I have to remember that this is their first time being twelve, and it's not my first time being twelve. So I can see the future, and I'm an adult, so obviously, within reason, letting them fail. And sometimes my words don't mean anything until they actually see the consequence of whatever that consequence is. Rodney White [00:14:47]: And I think that's probably the hardest thing. And to be honest, I think that's one of the things that our world doesn't do a good job of is letting our children fail in a constructive way. My children, I say this, they have no adversity. They have no true adversity in life. So we try to create some artificial adversity. Right? That's what I do with sports. It gets hard, you're running or whatever, because I want them to fail. I want them to see that if I don't put the work in, then I'm not going to get X. Rodney White [00:15:10]: And actually, I want you to see that even if you do put the work in, sometimes you don't get X, because I think that's probably been the hardest part, is letting them fail and not jumping in and knowing the answers to the test and letting them put them on paper themselves. And sometimes you get a B, right? Sometimes you get a C. And I think it's so hard, and I see so many other people do the same thing, and I get it. I understand because we love them and we don't want to see know we know the answers to the test, but yeah, you gotta let them fail. And I'm not the greatest at it, but I work on it for sure. Christopher Lewis I know that you and I initially got connected through a tweet that you put out there that used the hashtag girl dad. And most of us all know that that goes back to Kobe Bryant and his daughter. And it's kind of kept going since then for you. What does being a girl dad mean to you? Rodney White [00:15:53]: So I'll start that off by today's Kobe Bryant's birthday. So being a girl dad means man, god. What does that mean? It's so much because I'll start off by again. I was the youngest of four boys, so I grew up never really understanding that girls had it different. Maybe I did understand it, but not truly. Not until I saw my daughters going through it when it comes from anything from sexuality and how men and boys think about females to the lack of support that their sports get or something of that nature. So being a girl dad, you go to Kobe, because Kobe is actually a pretty big influence on mine, like just supporting the hell out of my daughter. I think that's what it means, right? And understanding that the very first line of defense is me. Rodney White  [00:16:42]: And the very first person to love them, first male that's going to love them is me. So it's my job to show them what it's supposed to be like, what to expect, because the world doesn't do a really good job of that. It's my job to be respectful. It's my job to discipline. It's my job to raise them in a way that they feel adequate in this world. I guess it kind of sounds bad, but they get the short end of the stick and they really do. And I didn't know that until I had a daughter. And I feel like it's my job to build them from the ground up for a world that doesn't support them as much as they really should. Christopher Lewis [00:17:17]: It does. And I think that I asked this question because of the fact that I think that every dad sees that moniker as something different. And I think that it's important to understand that that the way that each of us internalizes what being a dad to a daughter means is going to be different. And that's okay. And that we do need to have a definition for ourselves. For some fathers, they may see being a father to a daughter as no different than being a father to a son. But then for others, there is a vast difference and that there is a different path that they walk. When it comes to raising a son or a daughter, I don't know the difference because for me, I've only had daughters. But for those that do have sons and daughters, this may feel a little different for them as well. So I put that out there just so that for anyone that is thinking about this, looking at this, that you have to define it yourself. You can learn from others and you can see how others define it for themselves, but that doesn't mean that that's the way that you're going to define it as well. Now, you have been talking about the fact that sports is a big part of your life. It's a big part of the life of your kids as well. The tweet that I mentioned was a tweet of you and your daughter practicing ball and she was pitching to you and throwing the ball around to you. I know that baseball and softball now is something that has been a big part of your life. And with your youngest daughter, that is a part of her life. What are some of the parallels that you see between parenting and sports that allow for you to be able to incorporate those into the work that you're doing to be a better father. Rodney White There's a song out there that says she thinks we're just fishing, right? And what that means is that dad and daughter are out fishing, and he's spending time with her. She thinks they're out trying to catch fish. He's understanding the time is so valuable. I think, number one, that's it. It's time, just spending time, no matter what, together. But one of the biggest parallels that I try to transfer is just work ethic. I mean, just we have to go do things that are hard sometimes, and we have to go to get a goal. Passion, I think it translates into life in general. I'm a big believer in passion. I don't care what it is. I mean, you can turn your passion into a lot of different things, but this world will beat you down if you don't have something that you're passionate about. So I think it translates into that. I think I have to do a good job of taking the coach hat off when I go home to be a dad, but also make sure that it's a responsibility. Right. So that parallels we talk a little bit about that at home, too, of making sure that I don't carry her softball bag. Rodney White  [00:19:49]: I don't make sure her well, sometimes this is a let them fail type deal. I try not to fill her water bottle up, but I'm not letting her walk out with that water. Right, but there's a lot of those things. But what I've seen, and I don't know if this is just the way that she was born, but she gets herself up for school. She makes her own lunch. She cares on what kind of grades that she gets. She cares. And I believe that those transition from us going to the ball field and doing the things that we did, it has nothing to do with wins and losses. Rodney White  [00:20:17]: It has nothing to do with what our team did as a team last year, because I couldn't even tell you what our record was. But does she pack her backpack? Does she treat others kindly when they fail? Does she learn how to pick them up? That's why I love sports, is because it translates to life so much that you have a teammate that struck out, and all of a sudden they're coming back in with tears in their eyes. And your job as a leader, as a teammate, is to pick them up and let them know they're going to be okay. Well, what about in school? What about when they're sitting there and there's somebody sitting by themselves and they're feeling bad? I would hope that she's going to go up and pick them up the same way so that's that transition that, to me, is vital for sports. I don't know. I'm sure there's other ways to be able to teach your kids that. But that's the avenue that I teach, and that's why I teach it, is because I want them to be able to take that and to be good humans. Because in the end of this whole deal, if I raise my kids and they're good people, then I win. Christopher Lewis [00:21:04]: It definitely makes a big difference when you get those people that come up to you and tell you things about your children that you didn't know that they have done or that they are doing that reinforce the values, reinforce the things that you have been trying to impress on them over the years. And I know in the past, for me, it just puts a smile on my face when someone comes up to me and says, your child did this. Did you know? And half the time I'm like, no, I didn't. But I'm glad. And I think that that reflects a lot in the work that you do day in and day out as a father. Rodney White There's not a better feeling in the world than that. I mean, there's absolutely in my house, we kind of joke around and say that you're guilty until proven innocent. And you get messages, you'll get a Facebook message or you'll get a message from a parent and you're like, your heart drops, right? Because you never know what's coming. And yeah, I mean, when you get those compliments, because I think you nailed it too. I don't know a lot of what my kid does outside of here. I don't know what she's doing at school all day. I don't know how she's treating people at the kitchen table. I can tell you all day long that she's the nicest kid in the world and that we've raised her to be this selfless servant of others and all of that stuff. I say that, but she very well could be a bully at school. I don't know. Until somebody tells me have no idea what's going on. Rodney White [00:22:31]: Again, I think there's a lot of parents out there that may be naive about their children and I might be naive about mine, but I think all we can do is the best that we can do and raise our kids the right way. To be kind to other people, to be nice to other people, to work super hard for a goal, whatever that goal might be, and have a goal and just hope for the best. Because the world sucks, man. I mean, the world out here is just social media. And every time we have a rule at home that nobody listens to, and myself included, is don't read the comments, right, because you're going to see negative stuff anywhere you go on social media. So if we just try to just want them to be good people and hope that those messages we get from parents are positive instead of negative ones, because to your point, there is. Not a better feeling in the world. Christopher Lewis We always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood five, where I ask you five more questions to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?  Rodney White I think so. Christopher Lewis In one word, what is fatherhood Rodney White Love Christopher Lewis When was a time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter? Rodney White I don't know that I have ever felt that way, to be honest with you. I'm always chasing it. I'm sure there's times, but it's really, really hard. So honestly, I feel like a failure of a dad and more times than I feel like I'm a good parent. But they always say that if you feel like a bad parent, that's because you're a good parent. And I believe that. And that's just because you're disciplined, you're doing the right thing. So I don't know. I don't know that I've ever truly felt that. It doesn't mean that it's not true. But I'm pretty hard on myself when it comes to something to think about is to go to your own children and ask them that question and see what they say, and they can be your biggest critic or biggest fan, so they might give you some good feedback. Depends on the day. Christopher Lewis Speaking of your kids, if I was to go to your daughters and ask them, how would they describe you as a dad? Rodney White Passionate and crazy. I think those are the two words they would describe me with, for sure. Christopher Lewis  Who inspires you to be a better dad? Rodney White [00:24:17]: That's a great question. I have a really good friend group, two guys that have children as well, a little younger than me, great people, some of the most amazing people I ever have. And I'd say maybe they do. That was always there for me, too. So I think trying to impress him right, trying to make sure that I'm doing right through his eyes, too, is always important. But I don't know, that's just tough question. Christopher Lewis You've shared some of your own experiences, different pieces of advice, things that people can take in and think about for themselves as we finish up today. What's one piece of advice you'd want to give to every dad? Rodney White [00:24:55]: Stay patient. And it's the advice that I have to give myself, not everything. Pick your battles there's. Absolutely pick your battles. You can't fix everything. You have to let them fail. And if it's not going to matter five years from now, don't spend more than five minutes on it. Christopher Lewis Great points and great thoughts. I really appreciate it. If people want to find out more about you or follow you, where's the best place for them to go? Yeah, they can go to Twitter is probably the best spot. Rodney White [00:25:18]: @Rodney1904 on Twitter. It's a lot of sports. A lot of my kids. It's a lot of other kids as well. So I try to do the same thing for other kids in our community, especially the high school kids. Really big passion of mine. So, yeah, I'll make you laugh over there, too, sometimes.  Christopher Lewis [00:25:32]: Rodney, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for everything that you're doing to raise your kids and to help other dads as well. Thanks for sharing your story and I wish you all the best. Rodney White No, I really appreciate the time and reaching out. Thank you. Christopher Lewis If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out The Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And The Fatherhood Insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on Fatherhood. Christopher Lewis [00:26:07]: Through our extensive course, library, interactive forum, step by step, roadmaps and more, you will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out@fatheringtogether.org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes. Today Dads with Daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters and be the best dad that you can be. We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them present. Bring your A game because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men get out and be the one to them. Be the best dad you can be. You're the best dad you can be.

In this episode of "Dads with Daughters," host Christopher Lewis welcomes Oggy Brewer, a biology teacher and father of four, to discuss the challenges and joys of being a father to daughters. Augie shares his personal journey and insights into building strong relationships with his daughters and fostering their self-esteem. Oggy's initial surprise came when he thought he was having another son, only to discover he was going to be a father to a daughter. He reflects on the initial panic and uncertainty but emphasizes the importance of adapting and learning as a parent. One of Oggy's biggest fears as a father of daughters is ensuring their self-esteem remains high. He discusses the delicate balance of being firm, supportive, and uplifting in their lives. To build unique relationships with each daughter, Oggy emphasizes the significance of being present in their lives, connecting with their interests, and spending quality time with them. Whether it's playing basketball, taking drives, or simply being present, he believes that connecting with his daughters is an ongoing challenge but a crucial one. Oggy shares memorable experiences with his daughters, including family trips to places like Glacier National Park and Dale Hollow Lake. These trips provide opportunities for bonding and creating lasting memories. Balancing his role as a biology teacher and a father of four, Oggy discusses the importance of setting boundaries and making a commitment to be present with his family when he's home. He believes that being a positive example and showing hard work can also influence his children positively. As daughters transition into their teenage years, Oggy acknowledges the changes and challenges in maintaining strong connections. He stresses the importance of continuous effort and being adaptable as a father. Oggy delves into the concept of being a "girl dad" and highlights the significance of building positive relationships with daughters, fostering their self-esteem, and using powerful, uplifting words. Augie introduces "MoPo for Life," a concept he developed during the COVID-19 pandemic. MoPo stands for "Max Out Payout," emphasizing the importance of identifying daily purposes and maximizing efforts to achieve them. Oggy has written a book titled "MoPo Max Out Payout: Living the MoPo Life, MoPo the Day," which encourages readers to reflect on their daily lives, set goals, and stay positive. He also discusses how he challenges his own children to live the MoPo Life by helping them set goals and take actionable steps to achieve them, particularly in their academic pursuits. Oggy extends the MoPo philosophy to his classroom, encouraging his students to identify their goals for the semester and holding them accountable. He believes that caring for students and helping them achieve their goals creates a positive impact. Oggy shares his experiences of seeing kids embrace the MoPo message by wearing MoPo wristbands and actively engaging with the philosophy. He plans to expand his efforts by reaching out to sports teams and acting as a motivational speaker to spread the message further. In conclusion, Oggy Brewer emphasizes the importance of connecting with others, like Christopher Lewis, to expand the reach of the MoPo philosophy and positively impact more lives. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today! TRANSCRIPT Christopher Lewis [00:00:06]: Welcome to dads with daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads resources and more to help you be the best dad you can be. Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast, where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughter's lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week, you and I are on a journey together. I say this all the time, but it truly is a journey. What you and I are doing to raise our daughters is something that happens day by day, and it's not something that we can always plan for. There's going to be highs, there's going to be lows, there's going to be everything in between. Christopher Lewis [00:00:47]: But that being said, there are things that we can do to make it a little bit better. And one of the best ways, one of the greatest things that I would say for all of us to do is to surround us with other men that are doing this. Now, you may not feel comfortable going to that next door neighbor and talking to them about the way that they're being a father, but I'm glad that you're here, because by you being here, you have an opportunity to learn every week, and you have an opportunity to be able to take things that you're learning and incorporate them into your own lives. That's why every week I love having different guests, different guests here with me to share their own experiences in their own journey that they're on in raising their kids. And this week, we got another great guest. Augie Brewer is with us today. Augie is a teacher, a biology teacher, actually, but also does something that we're going to be learning a little bit more about called MoPo for Life, and we're going to talk about that as well. But he's a father of four with two daughters and two sons, so I'm excited to be able to talk to him today for you to get to know him and for us to kind of delve a little bit deeper into his own journey. Oggy, thanks so much for joining us today. Oggy Brewer [00:01:58]: Well, thank you for having me. I really appreciate come on. And what you're doing and being able to connect with different guys and dads and how we're raising our daughters. I appreciate being on. So thank you. It's my pleasure. My pleasure. Christopher Lewis [00:02:14]: And one of the things that I love to do, first and foremost, I want to turn the clock back in time. Your oldest daughter is 15. I want to go all the way back, all the way back to that first moment when you found out that you're going to be a father to a daughter. What was going through your head? Well, it's funny you asked this question, because my oldest is a boy. I have a son that's 18. And when my wife was pregnant with Olivia, in my eyes, in my head, I really thought we were having another boy, and really all the way up till delivery. And the doctor, when she was delivered, it was by c section. And when she was delivered, the doctor says, looks like a boy, and I'm behind the curtain. Oggy Brewer [00:02:51]: And so in my head, this is boy number two. And then those words come out. It's a girl. And I'm telling you, I wasn't sure what to do. I was in a little panic mode of like, oh, my goodness, my world has just changed. And so just trying to understand, okay, I'm going to be a father to a daughter now. And all the emotions and all the things that get stirred up when you have that thought, and obviously not having a playbook for, okay, what am I doing now? So that's the story of when Olivia was born. I love you know, I talked to a lot of dads, and a lot of dads tell me that going into being a father to a daughter, there's some fear there's some fear that goes with that. Christopher Lewis [00:03:37]: What would you say has been your biggest fear or fears in raising daughters? Oggy Brewer Yeah, I think one fear is just wanting to build up their self esteem and not wanting to be a person that brings that down ever. And so having a fear that maybe something I say or the way I react could bring their self esteem down, and I do not want to do that. So it's that balance of being able to be stern, being able to be encouraging and uplifting them, and also continuing to build that relationship with them, to build up their self esteem. I said you had two daughters, and both of those daughters are very unique individuals, and they have their own personalities, and you have to build different relationships with each of them, that you have to do that with all your kids. Yeah. What have you done to be able to build those unique relationships with each of your daughters? Sure. I believe the first thing is being present, making sure each day they know that I'm present there. And I know we're talking about teenage daughters, and being in a state of a lot of times, they don't make you feel like they want your presence with them all the time, but just because they give that indication doesn't mean that's a free pass to not be present. Christopher Lewis [00:04:57]: And so being present every day with them, I'm a man of faith, and I pray with them daily. I think that's important, that they know that someone's praying for them and praying over them and then just connecting with them with the things they enjoy doing. One of my oldest daughters, she enjoys playing basketball, so if I can get out in the driveway and rebound for her, I'm connecting with her that way. My other daughter really enjoys taking drives in the car, and so maybe even though as high as gas prices are. Maybe just getting in the car and taking a drive and spending time with her is a big deal. And connecting with her clearly understand that. My youngest daughter likes driving in the car as well, and she definitely loves being able to get out, listen to music, and just kind of get into some of the back roads. And sometimes we talk, sometimes we just kind of are present. Christopher Lewis [00:05:51]: And that happens in teenage years, but at least you're there. And as you said, you're present, you're engaged, and you're showing that you're interested in what they're interested in as well. Now, there are definitely opportunities throughout your kids lives that you have to be able to build memorable experiences, memories that will last a lifetime. What have been some of your most memorable experiences that you've been able to share with your daughters thus far as a dad? Oggy Brewer Yeah, I think we try to be strong family, doing things together as a family. And I feel like some of the trips that we have been on as a family have been good time to connect with them. We've taken a trip out west where we went to Glacier National Park and we do some hiking together. Those have been really memorable trips. We also enjoy going to the lake. Oggy Brewer  [00:06:40]: One of those places is Dale Hollow Lake in Tennessee, and those are two places, definitely the lake, being in the sun, riding on the boat, they really enjoy those things. And anytime we get a chance to do that, it's a blessing to be able to do it. Now, I know you're a teacher, and as a teacher, you have many kids that you are working with, that you're mentoring, that you have. And sometimes they become even more than just students because they become a part of your lives in many different ways. And then you go home and you are a father of four. Talk to me about balance, because being a teacher, there's not a lot of balance, and there is a lot of work that has to be taken home and there's that work that has to get done for the next day of school and so on and so forth. But how do you balance being not only a biology teacher, but how do you balance that with being a father to four and being able to continue to be present in the lives of your kids? So I've been teaching now for 21 years. It's my 21st year, and probably I think it was four years into it was when my son three years into it was when my son was born. Oggy Brewer [00:07:56]: And it didn't take long to figure out, like, hey, there's going to have to be some things that change here for you. Like, you can't just bring your work home, put it on the table, and sit and do your work all the time. So I made a commitment probably five years into it, four or five years into it, to my wife, hey, when I come home, I'm going to set my bag down and I'm dad, and I'm going to be present. If there is work that needs to be done, it'll be done once the kids go to bed. And now, as the kids have gotten older, they are in their rooms more on their own, by themselves. The time that we have together is really at the dinner table. And then if there's homework that they need help on, sometimes they will come to dad. But even in that, they're not always coming straight to dad, right? They want to be by themselves and to themselves. Oggy Brewer [00:08:49]: Now, I have some moments I can get into my work at times when they are home, and I do think in that they do see, man, dad does work, and dad is doing some things. So now I'm giving an example to them of putting in some hard work, even though, look, when it comes down to it, they've got my first, they're going to look to me first, and I'm going to give them my presence before I get the work in. Christopher Lewis As you said, you have two teenage daughters, and teenage years can be a challenge upon themselves. But as you look back at the lives that they have had, the experiences that you've had, what's been the hardest part of being a father to a daughter? Oggy Brewer  I think just the changes that occur, right? Because when they're little, you pull up to the driveway and they're waiting at the door, waiting to give you hugs, waiting to see you, and then there's an excitement, there a joy there. And then how do you maintain that joy as they keep getting older? If you can bottle that up and keep that going, you're doing something right. But again, the challenge then for me as a dad is as I've gotten older, and now there's not that they're not waiting at the door when I get home, but still connecting with them when I do get home. And maybe it's just a quick like, how's your day? Or did anything bring you joy in your day? We try to use that word joy because I love it. And connecting with them still as they've gotten older, and I feel like that's just a continuous challenge every day. Oggy Brewer  [00:10:22]: How can I connect with them? And I'm not the best at it. I'm still learning. I'm still growing myself as a dad, but that is a challenge for me every day. I think that that just continues as your kids get older and they move into different phases in their lives. You're going to have to figure it out as you go along. They figure it out as they go along. And you have to be willing to have that grace and to be able to know that you're not going to know everything and you're not going to know how things are going to end up, but that you keep working through it, and that's the only thing you can do, because things are going to change. And I'll agree with you that it is challenging as the kids get older and become more of who they are. Oggy Brewer [00:11:14]: But then, yeah, I guess I have to also think back to, okay, what was I like as a teenager as well? And was I present? Did I want to spend time with my parents, too? I think I ended up turning out okay as I got older. So I'm hopeful that as they get older, they'll come back. Well, one thing you say with daughters, or what I've always been told is your daughters are always going to be there to take care of you. They're always going to come back, and they'll take care of dad when that time comes. So we'll see. But I have hope in that. Here's hoping. Christopher Lewis [00:11:56]: Now, you and I met over a tweet that you put out there, and one of the things that you put in that tweet was the hashtag girl dad. And that's been around for a bit, was tied back to Kobe Bryant and his daughter and has continued since then to talk about the relationship between a father and daughter and pride with their daughters. As you think of that hashtag, that girl dad. Hashtag, what does being a girl dad mean to you? Oggy Brewer I believe it means building a positive relationship with my daughters, trying to help them develop a positive self esteem, and, as we said, just doing something that's connecting with them over and over. You've said self esteem a couple of times, and as a teacher, you see self esteem happening in many different ways, and then you see that in your own daughters. Talk to me about how you see self esteem in girls, your own daughters, girls that you have had in your own classroom manifest itself and what you've learned about what many young women need to be able to have that support and what we can do as fathers to best support that. Well, I believe words are very powerful, and the words that they're hearing has a powerful influence on them. And as many times as you can tell them they're beautiful, they're amazing, meaning it when I say it, not just using those words just to say them, but again, the words they're hearing. And so oftentimes and I see it at school, kids are getting tore down by other kids because of the words that are being used to them or around them. And so, man, what a light you can shine if you're using positive, encouraging words to my daughters or to the kids at school. They're hearing that, and I believe it does. It lifts them up, and it provides a light in their life.  Christopher Lewis: I mentioned at the beginning that you have something that you're involved in called MoPo Life or MoPo for Life. Talk to me about that. What is MoPo for life? And what are you trying to do to be able to engage fathers, parents, et cetera in this idea? Oggy Brewer Yeah, so during the COVID times when we were all locked in our homes, I decided one of the things I wanted to do was write a book. And I've always had that kind of on my bucket list. And this idea I have MoPo for life. MoPo the day. MoPo stands for Max Out payout. And so this is something you can use in whatever avenue you want. If you want it as a father, you want it as a teacher, as a coach, it applies. And the thought process is what's my purpose every day? What's the purpose that would be my payout and how am I maxing out to get that purpose? What are the things I'm doing to do that? So as a father, if my payout is to try to build a positive relationship with my daughters, then my Max Out has to be to be present, to spend time with them and to do things with them. The message MoPo is supposed to be positive. Again, I coined the phrase MoPo the Day and I use it a lot at school as well. And the other thing I've done with it is I've created a 365 day MoPo the Day calendar and it has a MoPo thought with a Bible verse every day and it's supposed to be uplifting. Oggy Brewer [00:15:29]: And I try to put a MoPo thought every day out on X to be uplifting to the people that are looking at that. And you did write the book called MoPo Max Out payout living the MoPo Life, MoPo the Day. I love that. Talk to me about for someone that's never read the book, what are some of the biggest takeaways that you want someone to take away from that book itself? One big thing is just looking at your daily life and trying to understand what's my purpose and what am I doing on a daily basis in that purpose? And then again, how am I maxing out to get it? So it's that message, it's also a devotional, it has questions throughout. So it tries to get the reader to think about their life and think about things that are going on. Also has a lot of Bible verses. So to connect with God and your faith and in all this, for me to be a reflection of Jesus as I share this, so it's to spread positivity, but it's know, just like you and I are doing tonight, to connect with as many people as you can. And man, you wouldn't believe how many times I'm somewhere and I just bring up this MoPo thought and all of a sudden I could connect with someone just by sharing this message. Christopher Lewis [00:16:49]: Talk to me about this concept and how you have challenged your own kids to live the MoPo Life and to incorporate that philosophy into what they're doing on a daily basis. Oggy Brewer Yeah. So with school right now they're in school, that's a big part of their life. So asking them, what is your goals here? To get out of each day, because I see this every day. A lot of kids just come to school because they're supposed to come to school, and there's not a purpose or a desire to be there all the time. And so the goal, again, is to talk to them before school starts. Like, okay, what's your MoPo for the year? What are we trying to accomplish? Maybe not for the year, but for this nine weeks, what are you wanting to do? So maybe it's to turn in all your homework for this semester, and by turning in all your homework, you're giving yourself a better chance to get a better grade. And I don't believe it's all about grades, but I do believe if you're going to be doing it, there's a purpose behind you doing it, and let's get the most out of it, giving them that challenge as they begin school. Christopher Lewis [00:18:02]: So that would be one example. I love that example, and I think that it's definitely something that is actionable, something that kids can take and be able to incorporate. How do you incorporate that into your classroom then? Oggy Brewer Yeah, so I will share that message, the MoPo message, with my classes, and again, I will give them a paper to fill out and say, what are you trying to accomplish this semester? And tell me how you're going to do it. And then I want to look at it, and I want to hold you accountable. I want to be a person in your life that's going to help you try to get what you want to get. You're writing it down, so it must be something that's on your heart or on your mind. And now, hey, you got somebody in your life that's going to help you try to reach that goal. And I think for a lot of kids, number one, them knowing that you care, if they know you care, then you can get a lot out of them. Oggy Brewer [00:18:53]: And number two, if them even knowing that they have people in their life that do care, obviously, being an educator, as long as I have, that's important to me, and that keeps me going. My juices flowing, too, as I teach. So I enjoy making that connection as we start the semester. And what kind of responses have you gotten from kids, your kids, the kids in your school, or others that have read the book? You know what's interesting is I've got these wristbands that say, MoPo the day. So that's another way I can connect with the kids. I share the message, and I hand out wristbands. And what's been cool is seeing the kids come back the next day and the next day, and they're wearing the wristbands. And so I know there is a connection there because they're keeping them on. If they weren't, there wouldn't be. But just knowing that and then also knowing as they've read the book or as they've heard the message, they want to keep coming back and connecting. And so that's just a positive thing each day to see them come in, to see them want to connect. And I know, okay, now we can go deeper, maybe in biology now with my classes and talk about something just because we connected with the MoPo.  Christopher Lewis You worked on this over COVID, you pushed this out there over COVID. You have expanded it. Now talk to me about where is this philosophy now? Where is this effort now, and where do you see it going in the future? Oggy Brewer Yeah. So, number one, I don't always know what direction it's going because it's like, what's next on the plate? For me right now, I believe what's next is just going either to sports teams because I coached basketball for a long time. I've taken a backseat a little bit to that now, but I like going and being a little motivational speaker to different teams. I got a lot of coaching connections, so I can call up a coach, say, hey, on Thursdays. You usually do a motivational talk. You bring somebody in from the community, and I'd love to come share a little bit of this motivation with your team. And so I think for me, at this particular moment, it's trying to connect more with other teams from other schools. And like I said, I don't 100% know what direction it's always going, but just by connecting with people like you, I get the message out even more. So I do appreciate connecting with you tonight. Christopher Lewis [00:21:30]: Now, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Fatherhood Five, where I ask you five more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready? Oggy Brewer Yeah. Christopher Lewis In one word, what is fatherhood? Oggy Brewer Love Christopher Lewis When was the time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter? Oggy Brewer When I got the elf on the shelf for my daughter.  Christopher Lewis If I was to talk to your kids, how would they describe you as a dad? Oggy Brewer I think they would say outgoing, someone that's graceful and someone that loves them a lot. Christopher Lewis Who inspires you to be a better dad? Oggy Brewer My dad. Christopher Lewis You've given a lot of pieces of advice today, things that you've learned along the way as we're finishing up today. What's one piece of advice you wanted to leave with every dad? Oggy Brewer Well, one of the things I was thinking about was when you have sons, you know they're carrying on your name, and they're going to carry that legacy on, and I want my daughters to do the same. I want them to carry the legacy of who I am on. And that doesn't mean they'll always keep my last name when they marry, but just in the way that they do life and the way that they connect with people and their faith. I want them to carry on the Brewer a legacy as all of their life. Christopher Lewis Oggy, if people want to find out more about you, about MoPo for Life, where can they go to find out more? Oggy Brewer Yeah, I have a website, it's called Mopoforlife.com. And you can get on that website and see what I'm trying to do. You can see my book, you can see the 365 day desk calendar and just look and see the things that are going on with MoPo. And that's MoPo. MoPo the number fourlife.com. Auggie, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today. Christopher Lewis [00:23:13]: Thank you for sharing your journey with me and for all that you're doing to encourage not only your own kids, but all kinds of kids in your community to live their best life. And I wish you all the best. Oggy Brewer Thank you for having me on. It was fun to connect with you and thanks for the interview. Christopher Lewis If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out The Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And The Fatherhood Insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on Fatherhood. Christopher Lewis [00:23:58]: Through our extensive course, library, interactive forum, step by step, roadmaps and more, you will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out fatheringtogether.org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dadswithdaughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes. Today Dads with Daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week. All geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters and be the best dad that you can be. We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time we give the lessons, we make the meals we buy them present and bring your A game because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite glass calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men get out and be the one to now be the best dad you can be you, you're the best that you can be.

ANNOUNCING FATHERING TOGETHER'S INTEGRATION WITH CITY DADS GROUP Since it's formation, Fathering Together has sought to collaborate, not compete with other organizations focused on healthy families and connected dads. So we were thrilled when City Dads Group reached out asking to integrate their organization with ours. Starting in October, our organizations began onboarding their group leaders and figuring out a path forward where Fathering Together expands its virtual communities with the in-person meetups of City Dads Group. By joining forces, Fathering Together will offer support to over 150,000 dads world wide. That's 150,000 dads across more than 100 countries with in-person groups in the United States, Canada, Kenya, and Malawi. There are 41 official City Dads Groups across the United States and Canada with more on the way! Here is the full press release. To find a City Dads Group near you, check out where we have groups! If you don't see a group in your area, fill out this quick questionnaire to decide if it is right for you! And if you still have questions, please reach out

In this episode of "Dads with Daughters," host Christopher Lewis explores the experiences of being a father to daughters with guest Craig Bennett, a high school football coach. The episode delves into various aspects of fatherhood and raising daughters, offering valuable insights and personal anecdotes. Christopher Lewis introduces the podcast as a platform dedicated to spotlighting resources and insights for dads striving to be the best fathers they can be. He emphasizes the importance of learning from one another, challenging the misconception that fatherhood must be a solitary journey. Craig Bennett, a father of two daughters and a high school football coach in Georgia, joins the podcast to share his experiences and wisdom. The conversation begins with a reflection on the moment Craig learned he was going to be a father to a daughter. He expresses his elation at the gift of having a daughter and discusses how gender wasn't a determining factor for him; he simply wanted a healthy child. Christopher asks Craig about his fears in raising daughters, and Craig candidly admits that his main fear was being too hard on them due to his upbringing in a rough and tough environment. He shares a transformative moment when he realized he needed to separate his frustrations from his role as a father to protect his daughter from unnecessary emotional baggage. The discussion turns to the uniqueness of each daughter's personality and the importance of building unique relationships with each child. Craig emphasizes the significance of understanding and accepting their differences rather than trying to mold them into a specific image. When asked about his favorite activities to share with his daughters, Craig emphasizes that it's the time spent together that matters most, regardless of the activity. He mentions his commitment to spending quality time with his daughters, considering his demanding role as a high school football coach. Craig talks about the challenges of parenting daughters during their middle school years, highlighting the emotional struggles and societal pressures they face. He underscores the importance of being there to support and guide them during this transformative phase. The conversation shifts to the topic of work-life balance, a challenge for Craig given his role as a head football coach. He discusses his efforts to compartmentalize work and home life, prioritizing time spent with his family and setting boundaries to avoid bringing work-related stress home. The podcast explores the concept of being a "girl dad," with Craig expressing immense pride in the unique bond he shares with his daughters. He shares the inspiring story of his daughter's journey to becoming a kicker for Valdosta State's NCAA football team, breaking barriers and pursuing her passion despite challenges. Craig also reflects on a crucial lesson he learned while coaching girls' basketball, acknowledging that he was overly critical of his daughter instead of enjoying watching her play. He advises fathers to avoid pushing their children too hard in sports and to let them enjoy the experience. The episode concludes with Craig's daughter returning to his coaching team, offering an opportunity for a renewed bond and shared experiences. Throughout the episode, Craig Bennett's experiences and insights provide valuable guidance for fathers on their journey of raising strong, independent daughters. The importance of embracing individuality, spending quality time, and being supportive is at the heart of this inspiring conversation. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today! TRANSCRIPT Christopher Lewis [00:00:06]: Welcome to dads with daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads resources and more to help you be the best dad you can be. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast, where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughter's lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week, you and I are on a journey together. We have an opportunity to sit down together, to talk and to learn and grow from every dad that I talk to on the show. And the reason for that is that being a dad doesn't have to be a solitary thing. And so many dads that I've talked to over the years talk about the misunderstanding, the misconception, the kind of societal norms that sometimes make you think that you have to go it alone, that you have to man up, that you have to do all these things to figure it out for yourself. And that's really not the case. There are so many dads that are around you. Christopher Lewis [00:01:09]: There are so many dads that are doing the fatherhood thing, and you can learn so many things from them. So every week I love being able to talk with you, but also to bring you dads that are fathering in different ways, that have learned different things, both positive and maybe negative, that can help you along the journey that you are on as well. And that's an important thing because all of us need to understand that we're going to make mistakes along the way. All of us need to understand that we can ask for help. And even if you're not willing to ask for help, you can listen, you can learn, and you can find some new tools that you can add to your toolbox that will help you to be that dad you want to be this week. We've got another great dad joining us today. Craig Bennett is with us and Craig is a main head football coach down in Georgia, and we are going to be talking about his journey as a father of two daughters and learn a little bit more about him and about the experiences that he's had. And I'm really excited to have him here. Christopher Lewis [00:02:20]: Craig, thanks so much for joining us. Craig Bennett [00:02:22]: Thank you so much for having me. It's definitely an honor. Christopher Lewis [00:02:25]: My pleasure having you here today. One of the first things I love doing is I like to turn the clock back in time. And I know you've got two daughters. I'd love to turn the clock all the way back, all the way back to that first moment when you found out that you were going to be a dad to a daughter. What was going through your head? Craig Bennett [00:02:39]: Amazing. Just the guy would bless me with such a gift. And I had a brother and there was no daughters in our family, and so he had already had two daughters. My brother and so this was going to be the third granddaughter on our side of the family. So your typical response was, you're a football coach, you had a brother, don't you want a boy? And I said no. I really didn't. I did not care. And when it was a girl, I was elated. Christopher Lewis [00:03:08]: So like you just said, someone asked you, you don't want a boy? And you said, Nah, you didn't matter. It didn't matter to you. For you, why didn't it matter? Craig Bennett [00:03:19]: Mostly just because I just wanted a healthy child. I mean, that was a blessing from God. It didn't matter to me, boy or girl, didn't matter. Christopher Lewis [00:03:29]: So a lot of dads that I talked to talk to me about that when walking into fatherhood, but also walking into being a father of a daughter, that there's a little bit of fear that goes in there. Maybe there's a lot of fear, but there's some fear that definitely is there. What would you say was your biggest fear in raising daughters? Craig Bennett [00:03:46]: Probably being too hard on them. Honestly, just growing up on a farm and growing up, my brother, myself, both had opportunity to play college football. And so you had this rough and tough and macho world that we grew up in and just making sure that I was doing the right thing and doing right for her and to her and all of that, unpack that a. Christopher Lewis [00:04:10]: Little bit for me. So what did you have to do to be able to, as you said, not be too hard and to kind of maybe soften the outer shell a little bit that you might not have typically done well? Craig Bennett [00:04:23]: And I'll tell you, it really goes back to a moment in time, and not necessarily when she was born. We were in a playoff game and still was a young coach and still very immature. And it's very immature as a dad as well. And when you lose a game, you tend to bring that loss home and nobody wants to be around you. And I remember distinctly we lost a playoff game and my daughter, she was a little over one years old, and she comes running up to me and I'm mad and I'm frustrated that we lost. And she has her arms wide open and it hit me really like a ton of bricks that she doesn't care if we win or lose this game or not and why should I let my emotions impact her? And so that moment I decided that I was not going to bring those things home and that was really because of her. Christopher Lewis [00:05:10]: Did you have to do anything to be able to flip that switch? Did you have to do some work for yourself to be able to make that happen? Because for a lot of us, we can say it, but to make it happen takes some work and is not always easy work to do. Craig Bennett [00:05:28]: Yeah, and I'll be honest, I didn't. The look in her eyes running to me with her arms open, that was it for me. And it was either going to give up this thing you love in your coaching career or you're going to treat your daughter the right way and not take anything out on her that she has no control over whatsoever. So it was pretty instantaneous. Christopher Lewis [00:05:50]: Honestly appreciate you sharing that. Now you have two daughters. Everyone that has multiple kids tells me the same thing and I have two daughters myself. Personalities are very different amongst the girls and you have to be able to build strong relationships, but unique relationships with each of your kids. Talk to me about what you've had to do to be able to build those unique relationships with each of your daughters. Craig Bennett [00:06:15]: I think just understanding those differences and sometimes we want our lives easy and we want cookie cutter things where everything's identical and it just makes life easy and learned early on they were going to be very different and had to approach them differently, had to speak to them differently. Everything from schoolwork to athletics to social life, everything's different. And thinking, just accepting who they are and not trying to change them or mold them into being the bigger sister or being the younger sister, it was, hey, you guys are very different and we're going to accept that and move forward and do the best we can. Christopher Lewis [00:06:53]: So getting to know your kids, you get to also know the things that they love to do and you definitely have specific things that you love to do. As you look at both of your daughters, what are the favorite things that you like to do or share with each of your individual daughters? Craig Bennett [00:07:13]: And it's time, it doesn't matter to me. I don't really have a favorite thing I like to do with either one of them. It's just the time that we get to spend. And being a high school football coach, my time is very limited anyway. And so we made an early choice early in our marriage and being early parents to say the time we get, we're going to spend and not bring things home. And I gave up golf because I was 4 hours away from them and spending money and I wasn't very good anyway, so that was easy. But even simple things like, hey, if we're going to meet as a staff, we're going to meet in the mornings. That's when my girls were asleep and most kids are and it saved me some time in the evenings to be able to spend with them and it's just we enjoy being with them and I think they would say the same. Christopher Lewis [00:08:02]: So raising kids in general has its high moments. It's got its low moments, it's got everything in between. As you look back at the lives of both of your daughters, what's been the hardest part of being a father to a daughter? Craig Bennett [00:08:15]: Oh, gosh middle school. Just the emotions that young girls go through and the struggles of middle school and everything from what they wear every day to who their friends are and what sports they do or whatever, what classes they're in. That was a hard time, I think, for everybody, even parents of young men at that age. I think they're going through a lot of changes and just to be there, support them and help them grow into who they're going to be, hopefully. So that was a tough time. Christopher Lewis [00:08:52]: It is definitely a tough time. And I can think of both my daughters having to go through their own learning and own journeys and you want to save them from every single thing and you can't always save them from every single thing because they've got to learn and they've got to grow. But you definitely want to, and you want to lift them up and hold them and help them through it and tell them that it's all going to be okay. And it typically is, but at that point in time it's not to them. Craig Bennett [00:09:22]: No. Christopher Lewis [00:09:24]: Now, you are a busy guy. You are the head football coach for the Cambridge High School football team. And as you said, it takes a lot of time. It takes a lot of time, especially throughout the fall as you are working with your team and you are also working with other teams at your high school, as working with other athletic teams as well. And that takes you away from your family as well. So talk to me about balance. And balance is sometimes a bad word, but it's something that we all have to deal with, we all have to think about and all have to try to grapple with. How have you been best able to balance both work and being that engaged, present dad that you wanted to be? Craig Bennett [00:10:13]: And I'll be honest, I don't always do a great job of that. And that's something you got to work on daily and constantly. I would say. I try to compartmentalize everything at work. I'm going to be at work. Obviously, if those two need me, they know they're going to be able to get me. But when I'm at home, I don't bring the work home, I don't bring my computer home, I don't bring huddle home, video, whatever. I'm going to try to spend that time as much as I can with them. Craig Bennett [00:10:41]: You do say balance and people sometimes look at that and say there's never true balance, but if you don't work for it, it'll slip away from you. And I think I learned that, like I said early in my career, just say, look, if I can't get it done at school and get it done in the time that we're there and the time that we're spending, then it probably doesn't need to get done. And a lot of coaches, and I think I learned this early in my career as well. A lot of coaches say, hey, family is first your faith and then your family. But they wouldn't live that out. And football became ever so more important than family during the season. And it was hard as a young coach to say, well, you've told me family is important, but yet your actions don't show that. And so that's been one of my goals as a head coach. Craig Bennett [00:11:25]: I think sometimes you learn more what not to do through people you work for and work with than to do what they did. So I learned that early on. Look, if we're going to say it, we're going to try to live it out and make that important, make those decisions important, and the game will disappear for all of us, but family doesn't. Christopher Lewis [00:11:44]: You and I got introduced through a tweet that you put out there. I saw a tweet of your daughter, and you used that hashtag Girl dad that's been around for quite a few years. And I guess for me, one of the questions I would love to ask you is for you, what does being a girl dad mean? Craig Bennett [00:12:02]: Honestly, just pride. I mean, just pride in who they are. And it's something to me very special to be a girl dad. To say, I'll be honest with you, I didn't go with the trend a couple of years ago when it became really trendy, I guess you could say. But, yeah, it's special. There's a bond, I think, with dads and daughters that's incomparable, and I'm not throwing any other relationship away or anything like that, but it's a special bond. Christopher Lewis [00:12:31]: I'd be remiss to not have you brag a little bit about the image that I was talking about. And I saw an image of your daughter at Valdesta State and playing football for their team. Tell me the story behind how she got into playing football and now is playing NCAA football. Craig Bennett [00:12:52]: Yeah, it's unique. She played soccer growing up. She played soccer at four years old. And I got to be a little bit honest here. She played in a co ed league with little boys and little girls, and I would always give her a dollar for every little boy she knocked down. I probably shouldn't say that out loud. She was always very physical. So she would tell me she was going to play football and she'd be my quarterback, and we would laugh kind of joke. Craig Bennett [00:13:14]: And so this progressed throughout her young soccer career. And as a 9th grader, she said, I want to come kick for you. And I said, well, you're going to come out there and try it. I'll let you try. And the first extra point at a practice she made, and she made like, I think she was like 13 or 14 in a row, but her soccer schedule wouldn't allow it. And so her sophomore year, I'll never forget, she came up to me at school and she said, I just got my soccer schedule. I said, okay, good, that's great. What is it like? She goes, I can play football. Craig Bennett [00:13:42]: So I immediately took her to locker room and put a helmet on her and it kind of grew from there, to be honest with you, that she was a JV kicker for us as a sophomore and got to kick in a varsity game. We were up pretty big and she got to go in and kick in a varsity game, which was pretty cool because there's not too many in high school football that get to do that. And then as a junior, one of our young men got really sick and had to withdraw from school. He was our starting kicker. And so she kind of assumed those responsibilities. I think she was 90 out of 95 in two years as extra points. And she did some kickoffs. She had a touchdown saving tackle that helped us win a game on a kickoff. Craig Bennett [00:14:25]: And so she had some accomplishments with our region in Georgia, and we went and made the playoffs two years in a row while she was kicking for us. She wanted the opportunity, and it's tough, it's a tough deal to have a female on your football team and there's locker room that you have to deal with and dressing out at different places and all of those things. And so every coach I would send her stats to, every coach that I knew, I knew a lot of college coaches, and they would say, yeah, we'll take a walk on kicker, and I'd have to then text them, hey, Coach, this is my daughter. And it would kind of go radio silent. So long story short, I'm not going to tell you the whole story. She decided just to go to Valdosta State, who has been a Division Two powerhouse for many, many years. And we had a chance meeting with the Dean, and he had actually evaluated the officials for one of our playoff games. And we were like, well, our daughter kicked. Craig Bennett [00:15:22]: And so it kind of progressed from there. And they gave her a tryout and she made the team as a walk on last year. And now we just got told this week she's going to get the dress for home games. And if I'm not mistaken, I searched and searched. I think she's right now the only female on any NCAA roster. Christopher Lewis [00:15:40]: That's amazing. Congratulations to her and to your whole family and working with her throughout the years because it takes a whole family to make that happen. But good luck to her in this season. That is a great story. Craig Bennett [00:15:54]: Thank you so much. Christopher Lewis [00:15:54]: And the other thing that I think that really it goes into what you said, that she's breaking barriers by doing this too, and it's not going to be an easy road for her in being the only female on the team. And my hope for her is that she has people around her that are supportive on the team that are helping her to be able to manage that. She seems like a strong individual and can probably handle herself, but it's always good to have those people around her that will support that and support her and work to help to lift her up in that way. Craig Bennett [00:16:34]: Yes, sir. Absolutely she is. And I'd be remiss if I didn't say something about our state coaching staff. They have been phenomenal to her and treat her like a daughter as well as the young men on that team. They have accepted her, and she had earned a lot of that. But it's just a class program for how they've treated my daughter, and that's all you can ask as a dad. Christopher Lewis [00:16:58]: Definitely. Now, one of the things that you and I talked about goes back to coaching and a lesson that you learned as you were coaching a different sport. But can you tell me a little bit about that, what you learned as a coach of basketball that made you have to make some changes in your own life that would help you to be able to be a better dad? Craig Bennett [00:17:18]: Yeah, no doubt. My oldest daughter, she was a phenomenal athlete, played basketball, was a competition cheerleader. And so at that moment, I was a high school girls basketball coach. So she was around the girls a lot and always with us. And so she wanted to play basketball and be like some of those girls that she grew up watching. And I think that the thing that I regret is probably one of my biggest regrets is I was the coach. I was her coach. I never coached her. Craig Bennett [00:17:49]: I was never her titled coach, but I coached her in the car on the way home. I coached her from the stands, and that's the worst thing you can do. I know better as a coach. And so she decided to quit. And I go back to those moments that I was constantly coaching her instead of just enjoying watching her play and enjoying what she did. And she quit playing basketball, and she was really good. And so my regret advice, I guess, would be to tell Dads to enjoy it, let them grow up, and don't ruin it for them. Christopher Lewis [00:18:23]: As I did tell that that definitely impacted the way that you father and as your oldest that got older. Did you ever talk to her about that and reflect back on that and what was her reaction as she grew up and maybe her reaction now as you talk about it? Craig Bennett [00:18:43]: Yeah, I did. I apologized to her several times over and over again because I felt like I stole something that she really, really enjoyed, and I made it not enjoyable. And she was like, It's okay. Don't worry about it. It's no big deal. I just didn't want to play anymore anyway. I still truly believe that it was me that forced her to stop playing, but she went on to do some cheerleading and really enjoyed that. And now she's going into athletic training and she's back with me on the sideline right now. Christopher Lewis [00:19:14]: That's great. And I love hearing that she's going to be able to get to now work with you in a whole different way and working with you on the sideline, I'm sure that she's excited about that as well. And it's going to give you both an opportunity to grow your bond even further and get to know each other in a different way than you probably have before, too. Craig Bennett [00:19:33]: Yes, sir. No doubt. Christopher Lewis [00:19:34]: We always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Fatherhood Five, where I ask you five more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. You ready? Craig Bennett [00:19:41]: Yes, sir. I hope so. Christopher Lewis [00:19:42]: In one word, what is fatherhood love? Was a time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter? Craig Bennett [00:19:50]: I hope in the near future, if. Christopher Lewis [00:19:52]: I was to talk to your daughters and ask them, how would they describe you as a dad? Craig Bennett [00:19:58]: Oh, gosh. Loving but demanding. Christopher Lewis [00:20:00]: Who inspires you to be a better dad? Craig Bennett [00:20:02]: Probably my dad passed away last November. That would be it been a lot. Christopher Lewis [00:20:06]: Of pieces of advice, things that you've learned along the way. What's one piece of advice you'd want to give to every dad that's listening? Craig Bennett [00:20:14]: Take it all in. And I know everybody says that and how fast it goes, but goodness, take it all in. The good, the bad, just enjoy the journey. Christopher Lewis [00:20:23]: Well, Craig, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your own journey. Thank you for sharing your daughter's journey with us as well. And I wish you all the best. Craig Bennett [00:20:33]: Thank you so much and it was an honor to be on and I appreciate it. Christopher Lewis [00:20:37]: If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out The Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And The Fatherhood Insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on Fatherhood. Through our extensive course, library, interactive forum, step by step, roadmaps and more, you will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out@fatheringtogether.org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dadswithdaughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes. Today Dads with Daughters is a program of fathering together. Christopher Lewis [00:21:26]: We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week. All geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters and be the best dad that you can be. We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny, screaming passengers we spend the time we give, the lessons we make, the meals we buy them present. Bring your A game because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men. Get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

In this episode of the "Dads with Daughters" podcast, host Christopher Lewis discusses fatherhood, blended families, and raising daughters with guest Ryan Ottinger. They delve into various aspects of parenting and the unique challenges and rewards of being a "girl dad." Christopher emphasizes the importance of understanding that fatherhood is a journey with its ups and downs, and it's crucial not to go through it alone. He highlights the value of learning from other dads and sharing experiences to become the best possible fathers to their daughters. Ryan, a father of two biological children and three stepchildren, discusses the challenges and joys of blending families. He emphasizes the significance of setting a positive example as a male role model and ensuring a strong family-oriented upbringing. Ryan shares his experiences coaching his children in sports, emphasizing the importance of being present and involved in their lives. The conversation touches on finding a balance between work and family life. Ryan talks about how having a flexible job with a short commute allowed him to be present for his children and attend their events, reinforcing the importance of making time for family. Ryan and Christopher discuss the unique relationships they have with their children and the importance of recognizing and nurturing each child's interests and passions. They stress the value of quality one-on-one time with each child, tailoring their parenting approach to each child's needs. The episode also explores the concept of being a "girl dad" and what it means to take pride in raising strong, independent daughters. Both hosts express their deep pride in their daughters' accomplishments and the fulfillment that comes with guiding them towards successful futures. In the final segment, they touch on the emotional journey of leaving a child at college and the bittersweet transition as children grow and gain independence. Christopher emphasizes the importance of preparing children for adulthood and celebrating their readiness for the next chapter. Overall, the episode provides valuable insights into fatherhood, blended families, and the joys and challenges of raising daughters, highlighting the significance of being present, supportive, and nurturing as fathers. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today! TRANSCRIPT Christopher Lewis [00:00:06]: Welcome to dads with daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads resources and more to help you be the best dad you can be. Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast, where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughter's lives, raising them to be strong, independent women in really excited to have you back again this week. As always, you and I are on a journey together. We are working together to try to figure this fatherhood thing out. It's not always an easy thing, not always simple. We go through ups and downs and there's always going to be that in the lives of our daughters, but also the lives that we have. And we have to be able to understand and know how to ride that roller coaster as it goes on. Christopher Lewis [00:00:57]: Now, that being said, we don't have to do this alone. And it's so important for you to understand that you're not alone in this journey. And whether you're comfortable talking to that neighbor of yours that has kids or not, we're still here. And I love being able to talk to you every week and to bring you resources and other dads that are doing fatherhood in different ways because you can learn from every father that comes on this show to help you to be the best dad that you can be. This week, we got another great guest with us. Ryan Odinger is with us today, and Ryan is a father of two biological kids and step kids, so he has a blended family, so we'll be talking a little bit about that, but we'll also be talking a little bit about a few other things and learn a little bit more about him and about the experiences that he's had. And I'm really excited to have him here. Thanks so much for joining us. Ryan Ottinger [00:01:59]: Thanks for having me. My pleasure. Having you here today. One of the first things I love doing is I like to turn the clock back in time. And I know you've got two daughters. I'd love to turn the clock all the way back, all the way back to that first moment when you found out that you were going to be a dad to a daughter. What was going through your head? Amazing. I've never been more terrified. Ryan Ottinger [00:02:17]: Being a dad of a daughter is the longest roller coaster of joy and fear that you could be on in a great way in all aspects, but I knew how to be a boy and I knew how to be a man, but I didn't have any idea what to do with a little girl. And I was scared to death. But it turned out to be one of, if not the most rewarding experiences of my life. Fatherhood is a rewarding experience and definitely can be fearful as well. There's fear in not only having kids in general, but I talk to a lot of dads and a lot of dads say that there is fear that goes along with being a father to a daughter. What would you say has been your biggest fear in raising a daughter? My biggest fear is just as she moves forward. She's a freshman in college now. I've always tried to set an example of what a male role model should be in her life. Ryan Ottinger [00:03:14]: Whether it will be a teacher, a coach, future employer, husband, whatever the case may be that they should have a positive impact in her life. And I try to lead by example on that. I don't always get it right. That's part of parenting. If I could turn back the clock, there's probably a few things I would do different. But overall, she's amazing and I may take a tiny bit of credit for that, but she's been just a joy to father and she's made it easy. Our relationship has been nothing but friendship the entire time. We were best friends, always did stuff together. Ryan Ottinger [00:03:53]: I included her in my stuff, which I think is huge, and then also I wanted to be included in her stuff. We would take her when she was little to the mall and get makeovers and stuff like that, just her and I. And I think that's huge too. It has to be a partnership. It can't just be all that dad wants to do and sit and watch football or go fishing or whatever. But it doesn't always have to be all makeup and whatever she was into. We just kind of tried to find a good mix of what we both enjoyed and it worked out fantastic. I think it's important to be able to find those things that not only your child is passionate about, but you're passionate about too, that you can, as you said, kind of share both together. Christopher Lewis [00:04:35]: As you think about the relationship that you have with your daughter, what would you say is the thing that you love to share most with your daughter? I think that what I'm most proud about is just the person that she has turned out to be. She is all the good that I wanted her to be with very little, if any, of a negative as far as just being a good person, being a valuable member of society, being a good friend. And she loves family, which is a value that I've tried to instill. She makes time for us, she makes time for her cousins, step brothers and sisters, her brother. She's just always available and she puts family first. And I think that if I've taught her anything, that is probably what I'm the most proud of, is the fact that she is very family oriented. And I think she may be the type of girl who just once she spreads her wings after college, she may never come back to live in her hometown. But I think that we've dug enough roots that she will always value family and where she came from. Ryan Ottinger [00:05:39]: That's the only thing that we can do. And I have a daughter that's just like that. You and I both have freshmen in colleges, are in college. And I know that I don't believe that she will move back anywhere near where we are and she will spread her wings and fly and do amazing things in her life. But the thing that I hope too, is that she will always have those roots, always have the family to be able to draw from, no matter where she is, whether it's in Michigan, in Washington, DC. In the United States, or somewhere else. So I think that's all we can do as fathers, as parents, is to plant those seeds along the way and try to hope that they take root, as you said, because that will help them to only be more successful as they grow. Now, as we raise our children, there are times where you have opportunities to build really strong, memorable experiences, to have to build those memories with our children. Christopher Lewis [00:06:50]: What would you say has been the most memorable experience that you've been able to have thus far as a father to a daughter? I would say being able to coach her in athletics. She is in high school and all through her life has been just a superb athlete. And the opportunity to coach her and the opportunity for her to enjoy it, I've seen in the past, and I've been in parenting situations and coaching situations where they don't always blend. It's tough to treat everybody the same, whether it's good or bad. And she is such an amazing, hard worker. And to be able to coach her, see the learning process kind of going through her head, and then her incorporating that, it really touched me because a lot of it sometimes kids say, okay, and as kids, I was the same way. You probably figure that, you know, it a little bit better, especially as you get older. But she was always so coachable and just an appetite for knowledge in any subject. Ryan Ottinger [00:07:49]: And I think that's the thing that I will remember most about growing up as she was growing up, just being able to coach her and her really transferring that to whatever activity she was involved in at that time. I love that. I can say that I've never coached, but I always was involved with the team. And at times I was an assistant coach, though I can't say that I was really the coach. I would be there, I would engage with the kids, I would help the kids. I don't know that I had the skill set to be the full coach in that regard, but I tried my best. Being out there, that's just as important as anything else, just being involved, I think. Now, I know that you work in utilities. Christopher Lewis [00:08:30]: That's a challenging job. It can be a time consuming job. And you also made the comment that you try to make sure that you're present and that you were involved in your kids lives. Talk to me about balance and what you had to do to be able to find that balance between work, family and all the other hats that you wore. I've been at the utilities here in my hometown since 1999 and I've always tried to find a balance with my kids. And there were job opportunities that had a commute or involved travel. But the job that I have now is three minutes, four minutes from home. And I had the flexibility with a wonderful workplace. Ryan Ottinger [00:09:13]: If my kids ever were to fall ill at school, I could leave right away and go home, take care of them, no questions asked, and never missed a sporting event. Now, if we had emergencies, the normal schedule and the day to day balance, I was there when they got home from school. I was able to take them a lunchbox if they forgot it. I was able to take them practice clothes if they forgot it for after school. And I think that that is huge. And I think just being present, there's a lot of times where the kids would be on their phones in the living room, but I always love that compared to them going in their bedroom and closing the door, it's just being present and being involved with them, even if it's just sitting around in the living room. And now that they're gone, you really realize how every second is precious. And 1819 years, it seems like a long time, but in kid years it flies by and there's no do overs. Ryan Ottinger [00:10:08]: So I'd rather my kids get tired of me and I spend too much time with them as the opposite of them just wanting somebody to be there for them and not be there. It does fly by. I think people told me that throughout my life. Treasure the time because it is fleeting and it truly is. And I will echo that until I can't echo it anymore. Now, you've talked about a lot of the positive things. What would you say has been the hardest part of being a father to a daughter? Being able to relate. As far as the struggles that teenage girls go through with my son, I understood for the most part this is a trying time for all teenagers and they have a lot of difficulties that a person my age never had to deal with, with social media and everything that goes along with that. Ryan Ottinger [00:10:52]: But I always had trouble relating. So what I always tried to do was just listen. Just let her come home from school and go off about this or go off about that and be compassionate. Sometimes I didn't give her the right answers and sometimes you have to give the wrong what they don't want to hear because that's reality. But I always just tried to listen and if I couldn't relate, just be a sounding board for. And 15 minutes later, after she calmed down a little bit, she was fine. She just needed to get it off of her chest. And I think that was what I tried to do. Christopher Lewis [00:11:25]: The best is just listen and be a listening device and not have to give an opinion on every single thing. Now, I mentioned at the beginning of the show that you have a blended family. You have two biological kids, you have three step kids. And talk about challenges of raising your own children, let alone bringing families together. That is challenging in itself. Talk to me about what, as a family, you had to do to be able to start to bring those families together. When you did come together, it wasn't easy. But I also think that nothing in life that's going to have a long term reward is easy, because if it is, it's not as rewarding. Ryan Ottinger [00:12:06]: Having said that, it's difficult when you go from a single dad with a three bedroom house. And then we moved in together, and together we have 220 year old boys. My daughter hayden and Kobe are 20. Kobe is my son. Kylie is my daughter. She is 18. And then Reed is the youngest boy, and he's a senior in high school. And Sloan is my stepdaughter, and she's in 8th grade. Ryan Ottinger [00:12:32]: So unfortunately, their father has passed away. So I've been around for about three, four years now. And so I really think it's important that I pass on and show my youngest stepdaughter the relationship that I have with my daughter. And that way she also has. And this kind of refers back to what I was talking about earlier. She knows what a good father son or father daughter relationship is. She sees a positive male role model. She sees how I treat her mom and how I expect others to treat her mom, and that's how I expect that anybody in her future would treat her. Ryan Ottinger [00:13:13]: But moving in together, it's never going to be super easy. But her kids are wonderful, and my wife Melissa is wonderful, and my kids love her, her kids love me. We go on vacations together. We spend tons of time. So, you know, moving is stressful, just if you move in a normal situation. But when you're blending families and dogs that never met each other and that kind of that whole thing, there were some growing pains. Everybody kind of had to find their groove. But I think that's the biggest thing is you let everybody kind of carve their path and then you know, okay, this person showers every night at this time, so I've got to figure that out. Ryan Ottinger [00:13:52]: This person does laundry. It's just life. Living together with anyone's not easy. You have to have cooperation. And we found a good balance, I feel like. And now when we moved in together, all five kids were in the house. And then a year from now, there's only going to be one left. So she's going to get all the attention. Ryan Ottinger [00:14:09]: Whether she wants it or not. She's going to be the focus of both of us. So talk to me about that relationship with Sloan and what you've had to do to be able to maybe say, slowly step into a role of mentorship, a role of friendship, a role of connection. And I say all of that before I say a role as a father, because I'm sure that you have probably in your mind and outwardly said, I am a father. I'm not trying to replace your father. But how did you have to start building those building blocks with her after that initial move in? It was a process, but it was easy. She's very different from a lot of teenagers. As far as she was open and willing to a relationship, there wasn't any resentment or apprehension on her part for me to be a part of her life, which made it all the easier, because then if you have apprehension and then you have to find the balance as a bonus. Ryan Ottinger [00:15:14]: Dad, do I try harder? Do I pull back? Grant, where do I fit in this role? Because I don't want to be overbearing and try to force a relationship. But I also don't want to seem aloof and to seem like I don't want a relationship. So what I always try to do is Kylie, my daughter, was always in my back pocket, so we were always together. So what we tried to do is include Sloan on a lot of the stuff that we were doing together. But then I also made sure that I had one on one time for Kylie and I had one on one time for Sloan. So I think that when you're able to carve out time just for one child, it's more meaningful experience. Maybe not for the parent, because I love being with all my kids, but for the child, it just seems more special. But it's been a slow. Ryan Ottinger [00:15:59]: You're putting brick on brick and you're getting a foundation. We're great friends. We've got a great relationship. I don't know about being a disciplinarian just because at this point in life, she doesn't really need it. She's just that girl. And my daughter was the same way. If I said something and made a suggestion, 99 times out of 100 they go with it and we go down that path together and if there's a disagreement, we work it out. So I'm very fortunate that way that she's bought in the same amount that I bought in. Ryan Ottinger [00:16:28]: And it's a great relationship. You talked about the fact that with your kids you have to build those unique relationships, especially in a blended family. You have built relationships with your two biological kids. You've had more time with them. Now you've had three new kids that have entered your life and have become a part of your family as a whole. Talk to me about how you have been able to build those unique relationships with each child. Seeing that each child is unique and understanding that you have to build that relationship in a little bit different way. Anyone that has more than one child at home knows that there's no cookie cutter, even if you have I have stepbrothers that are twins and they're not even remotely the same and they weren't ever growing up. Ryan Ottinger [00:17:17]: They both had vastly different interests. So I think it's finding out what they're interested in and they're passionate about and exploring know. My stepson and I, reed had a we talked politics for about an hour and a half. My wife finally just went to bed and we sat at the kitchen table and with no TV on, no phones or anything, and just talked. There was no arguments, no disagreements, and it was fantastic. Now, if I tried to do that with my son Kobe, eight minutes into that, he'd be like, can we turn the game on or something? This is not interesting to me. So I think know with Sloan, she's got a huge passion for volleyball and she just started playing in 6th grade and she couldn't hit the ball straight for a million dollars. And just seeing her out in the driveway, I would set up makeshift nets where we put outdoor benches on top of garbage cans for her and then put cones in the yard for target practice and stuff like that. Ryan Ottinger [00:18:12]: I never played volleyball in my life. My daughter did. So I had a few ideas. But finding out what they're passionate about and adjusting your priorities to allow them to pursue their passion, I think that's the most important thing is you can give them suggestions. You can give kids a path to go, but if they want to veer off that path, just find a positive outlet for them to veer because if not, it could turn into a negative. But you can't say, well, I've always liked this, so you should like this. That's not how I wasn't into the same things my parents were in. So I think that's the biggest thing is finding what they're passionate about. Ryan Ottinger [00:18:47]: And even if you got to fake it for a couple of hours and put a smile on your face, that time is going to be so precious. When you look back on it, you can be like, you know what? I was miserable when I went. And they'll get a laugh out of it. And I'm sure that she can turn around and say, yeah, that one thing you took me to. That wasn't great either, but I did enjoy being there. I think that's the most important thing.  Christopher Lewis [00:19:13]: Appreciate you sharing that. Now you and I got to meet each other through Twitter and using the hashtag Girl dad. It is definitely a hashtag that's been around for a bit. Many people know it started with Kobe Bryant and his daughter and kind of built from there and ended up continuing to grow from there. As you think about the hashtag girl dad, what does being a girl dad mean to you?  Ryan Ottinger [00:20:29]: Being proud of your daughter, being proud of the fact that she's a female and she is going down a path of she's going to be a leader in the community, she's going to be a leader in whatever job or whatever path of life that she chooses, and to know that she's a valuable member of society. And the challenges of raising a daughter are large for a male role model, but the rewards are equally as large. And when things work out, it is the greatest experience in the world. And not to take anything away from being a father-son relationship, because it's amazing. My son and I are best friends, but when you raise a daughter, you know that there's an expectation that you need to set as far as role models go. And with Kylie, she's exceeded the expectations of the person that I wanted her to. You know, on that tweet that I sent out that you responded to, I kept saying for a month, she wasn't ready to go to college. She just wasn't ready. She's naive. She should commute all the gamut of emotions. And we get there and we get her moved in. And I was giving her a hug and I saw her walk off. She was not walking off, she was prancing off and couldn't be more excited. I'm sitting in my truck crying like a baby and I'm like, okay, I'm the one that's not ready. She's ready. I've done my job, which it's the most bittersweet experience in the world. You always want your daughter to be happy, but then you know, for her to be happy, you're going to be sad for a while. And that was the most difficult part, but it was also the most fulfilling.  Christopher Lewis [00:21:27]: Yeah. Leaving your child at college is definitely challenging, especially if they're farther away. But even if they're close, the relationship changes. You don't get to see them as much, you don't get to talk to them as much because their life is moving in a little bit different direction. And parents are told that you don't get to see it or know it until you actually experience it. And that is something that every parent has to experience in life. Whether it's that your child is going to college, whether it's that they're going into the workforce or the military or whatever it is post high school, something happens and they will change in some way. And as parents, as Ryan just said, we have to do what we can as they're growing up, to prepare them to fly, prepare them to be able to leave our homes, to be able to do things that are going to help them to be successful and to move forward in their life. Now, Ryan, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Fatherhood Five, where I ask you five more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?  Ryan Ottinger Absolutely. In one word, what is fatherhood Ryan Ottinger amazing? Christopher Lewis  When was the time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter? I would say the minute she graduated, she graduated with honors, and I really felt like I've done everything I could do to prepare her for the next step, whatever that step may be in life. And as a parent, that's what we're supposed to do. Christopher Lewis [00:22:40]: If I was to talk to your kids, how would they describe you as a dad? Ryan Ottinger It depends on when you want to talk to them. I would say I can be tough on them when it comes to work ethic. I'm a big work ethic person in general, but I think that they would say, overall, I'm fun, and I think that they see the joy I get out of being a dad. I feel like that's the only thing I've ever wanted to do when I wanted to grow up, other than being in the NBA, which was quickly realized that that wasn't going to be an option. I always just wanted to be a dad, and I feel like that's what I was quite honestly put here to do, is to be a father and is the greatest job and experience I could ever have. But I think they would just say I'm a fun loving guy, and I hope that if they had to do it over again, they would still choose me. Christopher Lewis [00:23:29]: Now, who inspires you to be a better dad? I have a lot of people. My mom, for one. Ryan Ottinger For a long time in my life, my mom was kind of raising us on our own and my sister and I, and so she kind of had to do a dual role, but she just showed me what parenting should be. I look back now and I see the sacrifices that she made for my sister and I, and I've instilled that into my parenting style. Kids first, always. If that means missing a guy's trip or missing golf or whatever the case may be, no regrets about it, no second thoughts about it. And it wasn't even an option to not be present for my kids. My stepdad was a vital figure. My dad was a vital figure of just being present. They still come to all my kids sporting events, my niece and nephew's sporting events, and Christmases and every holiday. We're always together. Our families are always together. So that's the biggest thing that I think I would take away, is just always just try to keep your family. Anytime you have an opportunity to be with them, be with them. Christopher Lewis [00:24:13]: You've given a lot of pieces of advice today, things for people to think about and things for people to consider of incorporating into their own lives as we finish up today. What's one piece of advice you'd like to give to every dad?  Ryan Ottinger [00:24:39]: Enjoy every second. We touched on it earlier. It goes by so fast.And the memory I want to share about my daughter is I'll never forget one time I was in a hardware store and she went with me, and she was at the age where I just had given up on trying to tell her what to wear. As long as she had some sort of shoes on her feet and her hair was somewhat combed, I think she may have been five or six at the most. And so she had these cowgirl boots on with pajamas, and it was noon, and we're in a hardware store and she's three aisles over just stomping up the aisle and making all kinds of noise. And I'm just like, oh, my gosh. And this guy beside me goes, hey, she won't be stomping very much longer in those cowgirl boots. You better enjoy it while you can. And it's just a random stranger. And it stuck with me from that moment on because I started to get frustrated because she was running around and that frustration just went away. It's like, you know what? She's a little girl having the time of her life. I can't get in the way of that. And so from that point on, I really just tried to cherish every single second that I was with her, and I'm glad that I did. Christopher Lewis [00:25:26]: Well, Ryan, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your journey today. Really appreciate it. And if people want to find you on Twitter, where's the best place for them to go at Ryan_Ottinger. Nothing real fancy on that one. Christopher Lewis [00:25:48]: Well, I truly appreciate you being here today, and I wish you all the best. Thank you so much. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And the Fatherhood Insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on Fatherhood. Through our extensive course, library, interactive forum, step by step, roadmaps and more, you will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out fatheringtogether.org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes. Christopher Lewis [00:26:31]: Today. Dads with Daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters and be the best dad that you can be. We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time we give, the lessons we make, the meals we buy them present. Bring your A game because those. Kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite glass calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them. You be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

In this episode of "Dads with Daughters," host Christopher Lewis welcomes guest Alexandra Wyman to discuss the challenging topic of suicide and how to navigate the aftermath. The episode focuses on providing support and resources for individuals dealing with the loss of a loved one to suicide. Christopher introduces Alexandra Wyman, an advocate and public speaker who experienced the loss of her husband to suicide in August 2020. She shares her journey and the inspiration behind her book, "The Suicide Club: What to Do When Someone You Love Chooses Death." Alexandra recounts her life before her husband's suicide, emphasizing societal expectations of a successful life and family. She details her personal journey of meeting her husband, getting married, and having a child, which led her to believe she had achieved a successful life. However, four days before their second wedding anniversary, her husband took his life, leaving her in shock and disbelief. Alexandra discusses her initial struggles, including the lack of consistent support and the need to make immediate decisions. She explains that during the early stages of her grief, she began documenting her experiences, emotional states, and any helpful strategies she discovered. The conversation transitions to addressing the guilt and self-blame that survivors of suicide often experience. Alexandra emphasizes that it's challenging to predict or prevent suicide, emphasizing the importance of spreading love and checking in on loved ones who may be struggling emotionally. Christopher inquires about how to support individuals affected by suicide from an outsider's perspective. Alexandra recommends being present for them and offering specific help rather than asking them what they need. She also highlights the significance of ongoing support beyond the initial shock period when most people tend to withdraw. They discuss the complexities of explaining suicide to children and how to approach age-appropriate conversations about the topic. Alexandra emphasizes the importance of honesty and using concrete language when discussing suicide with children. Alexandra mentions various tools and coping strategies she has relied on during her grief journey. These include therapy, journaling, meditation, exercise, reaching out to friends, and seeking information from blogs and books on death and grief. The episode concludes with Alexandra's message of hope and resilience, encouraging those who have experienced suicide loss to keep moving forward and find meaning and purpose in life. She underscores the importance of anchoring to something meaningful as a source of strength. Christopher mentions the significance of the "988" suicide and crisis lifeline, urging anyone in need to reach out for help. Alexandra provides her website, Forwardtojoy.com, as a valuable resource for additional support, coaching, and information about her book, "The Suicide Club." The episode offers valuable insights, resources, and guidance for individuals dealing with suicide loss, as well as those seeking to support loved ones through this difficult journey.   TRANSCRIPT Christopher Lewis [00:00:06]: Welcome to dads with daughters. In this show, we spotlight Dads resources and more to help you be the best dad you can be. Hey, everyone, this is Chris, and welcome to Dads with Daughters, where we bring you guests to help you be active participants in your daughter's lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. As you know, every week we are chatting together about how you can raise amazing daughters in your lives to help them be strong, independent women. And every week I love being able to chat with you about the journey that you're on and help you to learn from others. This week we've got a really great guest with us and I'm so excited that she was willing to join us today. We're going to be talking about a topic that is a little bit tougher. We're going to be talking about suicide and coming out on the other side of suicide. Christopher Lewis [00:01:02]: But it's important. It's an important topic and it's hopefully a topic that you may not have to deal with in your life, but it's important to understand what to do in these situations. So our guest today is Alexandra Wyman, and she is an advocate and public speaker for resources in the aftermath of suicide. After she lost her husband to suicide in August of 2020, she found a need to change the language around suicide and decided to write about it. She wrote a memoir called The Suicide Club. What to Do When Someone You love Chooses death. And you can find it on Amazon. I'm going to put a link in the notes today for you to be able to find that. Christopher Lewis [00:01:46]: She's spoken at many conferences about this and really worked to try to help others to understand this. So I'm really excited to be able to talk to her today, to be able to learn from her and have you learn from her and the journey that she's been on. Alexandra, thanks so much for being here today. Alexandra Wyman [00:02:04]: Oh, Chris, thank you so much for having me. It's such a pleasure to be able to speak with you today. Christopher Lewis [00:02:09]: It is my pleasure having you here today. And I guess let's start at the beginning because this as I said, it's not an easy topic to talk about. But talk to me about what led you to this book and the situation that ended up bringing you to being the person that you are now and talking to people and helping people through suicide. Alexandra Wyman [00:02:33]: Yeah, well, yeah, that's kind of a loaded intro there. I don't want to take up too much of your time on that, but I'll start with that. Coming out of college, I kind of bought into that idea with a successful life being. You meet a partner, you get married, you find your house, your white picket fence, you get your 2.5 children, your 1.5 dogs, you know the deal. And you get into a career, you stay there forever and then you retire, go travel, and then watch your kids and grandkids grow. That is so not how things went for me. So getting out of college, I just wasn't sure what I wanted to do. Had studied pre law, decided that wasn't the direction that was right for me. Alexandra Wyman [00:03:12]: Traveled a bit, did not have a partner house nor children, and then just continued on. Eventually did get my master's in occupational therapy and was getting pretty comfortable in the single life in my 30s when I met Sean. And it was happenstance I had sworn off, I was like, I'm over this. I'm not doing this anymore. And of course, that's always when the person comes into your life. And we had a very strong connection, just really hit it off. And being a little bit older, decided we didn't want to mess with all the niceties. Sometimes that comes with dating and getting to know each other. Alexandra Wyman [00:03:47]: So within about a year after meeting each other, we got married, bought that house, and found out that I was pregnant. And finally I thought oh, okay. It took me a little bit longer than other people I know, but let me check off that list of what this successful life looks like. And both of us were in our successful careers, and life looked great. And nothing is ever perfect, let me say that. There's nothing perfect about our marriage or our relationship. Like, there isn't really in any relationship. And then four days before our second wedding anniversary, sean ended up taking his life. Alexandra Wyman [00:04:20]: And talk about rug being pulled out from underneath you and looking at this going, Wait, I thought I got there right? I got to the successful life. What do you mean now he's dead. This is not how things are supposed to go. And then in addition to that, so not only is there massive grief, our son was just over one when Sean passed. And then there's some complications with trauma and additional drama from other individuals involved in the situation and trying to sort through all of that. And I kept finding that even initially, within even that first four to six weeks, where I just was like, what are the tools I can use for this? And I found that it's very inconsistent, the support that's available to individuals and survivors. And so in my particular personal situation, I was told there'd be an advocate from the county who would come and support me. And I had one conversation with that person and never heard again from the county. Alexandra Wyman [00:05:11]: So there's so much that has to happen. And often we say, don't make any decisions in that first year, and you have to make decisions immediately. Like day zero, I had to make decisions. So I started jotting down notes of things that I found helpful or didn't find helpful or ways that things that I was experiencing, such as cognitive overload or not being able to really function past a certain time or even eating. I started jotting notes over, I was able to eat today, I wasn't able to eat yesterday. And then I figured out that what I essentially wanted to end up doing was help someone else. So that whatever path I had to forge on my own because there wasn't as much support that someone else wouldn't have to go through that even three weeks after Sean passed, I got a phone call saying, so a friend's husband just died by suicide. Can you reach out to them and be a it doesn't stop. Alexandra Wyman [00:06:00]: Even though I hoped it would have stopped with Sean's passing, it didn't. And so people are passing this way still frequently. And so I decided that maybe if I could write a book or give tips and tricks of what I found worked for me, that maybe it would help someone else along the way. And so that's how the inception of the book came. Really didn't think I would ever publish it. And then it all just kind of fell into place. And here we are now being able to really talk and hopefully empower and encourage other people to have conversations and start talking more about this. Because as much as I'd like this type of death to go away, it isn't. Christopher Lewis [00:06:34]: One of the things that comes to mind before we get into some of the tips and tricks post suicide is, I guess, after this happened to you in your life, I'm sure there's a lot of questioning, there's a lot of things that probably go through your head of what should I have seen? Or were there things I could have seen that could have helped along the way? And I'm sure that there have been many people that have asked you questions that you've supported along the way and probably asked those same questions. What do you say to those individuals as they go through that questioning process? Alexandra Wyman [00:07:09]: It's so complicated because on the one hand, absolutely you're going to run through the scenarios. What could you have done differently? How could you have been a different support? Was there something I still go through that? Was there something I could have done the day of? I knew ahead of time what was happening and spent a considerable amount of time trying to access Sean before he passed. So there's so many different scenarios that you can run through and do that. And so there's a few different ways I look at this. One of the ways that I'll say is there aren't really obvious signs that someone is going to pass this way. As much as that would be very comforting and provide some safety and security, that our loved ones aren't going to go through something like this. There just isn't. That doesn't mean that if people are hurting that you can't reach out or check on them or ask them directly, are you thinking of harming yourself or being able to have tools to help, not confront, but help someone who you think is struggling. Alexandra Wyman [00:08:08]: Sean did have his own struggles and stress that were going on and I just took ask. I won't say I didn't ask the right questions. I think I just didn't provide enough of an avenue for him to feel more comfortable talking to me as he got to that point. And to be honest, I don't think there's any right or wrong way to do can't. I've had to work through holding on to the guilt around that. So it's easy to take on the responsibility that someone getting to this point, that it was any of us involved around Sean, that it was our responsibility to, quote, save him. The other thing I'll say is when it comes to questions around that, of thinking back on what we could have done differently or how to approach people, I'm just a big proponent now of just spread the love. Just tell everyone that you love them or how much they mean to you and really see people for who they are. Alexandra Wyman [00:08:58]: And I think that is a missing link that sometimes we just miss in general. So often it's almost as though we understand that someone is hurting when they've been hurting for quite a bit of time and just haven't known and then something like this can happen. So those are kind of like the first two ways that I go about it and when I'm asked or if I'm talking to someone about it. Shifting the death away from ourselves to the individual is one of the things that I recommend only because it is easy to take responsibility for someone else's actions and it is easy to wonder again what could we have done? You can always do something differently, but to what extent is it your responsibility to have done something differently? And the truth is, for my situation, I could have done something completely different in all the different scenarios and the outcome still could have been the same. And that's still hard to kind of wrap your head around. But when I was able to start shifting Sean's death away from it was something that happened to me and more to this person was in this much pain that this was what they ended up finding was their way to end their pain. For me, it created a bigger opportunity for compassion because it's not easy to get to that point and to have that immense amount of emotional and mental pain or physical pain. Whatever is going on, in my opinion, there's pain. Alexandra Wyman [00:10:19]: And an individual who gets to a point of contemplating suicide is that that's what they're seeing is the only way to end it at that point in time. Christopher Lewis [00:10:26]: So as you talked a lot right there about things that you had to do to be able to get through this. And I guess one question that comes to my mind is from an outsider perspective, when someone you know is going through this, not that person that has committed suicide, but the person that has been affected or the family that has been affected. From an outsider perspective, what are some things that others can do to best support those that have been primarily impacted? Not to say that everyone in that circle and the concentric circles are not being impacted in some way, but to offer that support, to be able to be there. Because like I said at the beginning, it's not an easy thing to talk about. Alexandra Wyman [00:11:15]: Very true. And that's such a hard question because I do think it's individualized. However, at the same time, I think what often happens is when we see someone who's hurting, we often look to that person to almost bring us comfort. So in my situation, I can say people are like, what can we do for you? How can we help? And it's this idea of, we can't fix it. We're watching someone hurt. And it's unbearable to watch someone in so much pain. And oftentimes what I need, you can't give me. I need him to walk through the door. Alexandra Wyman [00:11:45]: You can't do that for me. What I did find was helpful was when people would just reach out and say, I'm here for you when you're ready. And rather than leave it up to me to say, what do you need? I had people who are like, I'm going to bring you some food. I'm going to pick up your son and we're going to go. I'm going to offer babysitting for you. Just having that opportunity or that offer was very helpful. There are sometimes people are like, I'm coming over just to see how you're doing. That I found more helpful because in those moments of stress, it's so hard to make decisions, right? You're already making decisions, but you're still in shock. Alexandra Wyman [00:12:18]: There's so much that's going on emotionally and mentally and just trying to wrap your head around everything that is going on at once. And as I mentioned, my situation was not unique in the additional stuff that was going on and threats of legal action and having to figure out where we were going to live. I mean, all of these things that come up. And so just being there and also patient because I find and just like any type of loss or death, actually people are available in those first two to three weeks. What can we do? We're here for you. And then as the dust settles, most people go back to their lives. For me, it was the people who were still hanging around checking in on me after that who I found once I was out of my shock and actually had to start living again or trying to figure out how to live while also dealing with this massive amount of grief. Those people who would check in on me at that point in time were extremely helpful. Alexandra Wyman [00:13:10]: Again, just saying we're here for you was a good reminder to me of, oh, I can go ask for help. It's still hard to do, but to go ask for help and to reach out to those people and that's what I would say is it's almost like just being present for the individual and letting them know that you're there when they can handle having that relationship or figure out what exactly they need. Christopher Lewis [00:13:33]: So earlier you said that when this all happened with your husband that your son was one and that's pretty young and not everybody is going to have a young child. So your situation is probably going to be different than other situations as you've talked to others and worked through this with your own child and are probably still working through this with your own child. What are some of the things that you've learned about how best to talk to a child about this, whether it is their parent, a grandparent, or other family member or friend? What are some of the best ways in which you can help a child to work through this? Alexandra Wyman [00:14:16]: This is a great question and definitely still something I'm learning. My son asked about his dad about six months earlier than I was expecting. That was a nice Sunday morning and I went, okay, we're going to do this now. So from everything that I've heard read and also found in my own therapy is honesty really is the best policy. If we leave up too much and concrete honesty, that's age appropriate. If we leave too much ambiguity in what we're saying to the child, they're going to fill in the gaps. And I will say that I thought with my son that I was being really honest and concrete and have found I wasn't. So when I initially had the conversation with him, he was three and a half, and I said, Daddy chose to die. Alexandra Wyman [00:15:01]: He was in a lot of pain and didn't know how to ask for help. And a big thing that came up for me with this was I wanted to make sure that I was communicating to my son that if he was in pain to ask for help. And also to say if you scrape your knee and it hurts, you're not going to die. Pain does not equal death. So I tried to do that and thought I was very concrete and then actually have been working with a play therapist with my son to help with this process as well and have done some group therapy myself. And essentially what happens is they fill in that gap of, well, where's this body, where's this person? And so saying daddy did something to his body to make it stop working. And that's again, using age appropriate language. My son is four now, so still along that. Alexandra Wyman [00:15:52]: But there are different ways to kind of scaffold what that language would be depending on the age. But I've had a friend who didn't initially give her kids the honest answer and she said it was far worse than when she was actually able to sit down and tell them the truth. And even I've been coached that even for four, using the word suicide is okay because it gives them a word for what happened. Again, that concrete perspective. So I think being able to say Daddy died by suicide, which means he did something to his body to make it stop working, which I love that I'm able to say it now because I still haven't been able to say it to my son yet. I get a little of a clemped and then I'm like, oh gosh, I can do this. And he still asks, but with the support of other people. That's kind of the direction that I've heard, but definitely going with that level of honesty as early as you can. Christopher Lewis [00:16:40]: So what I'm hearing from you in this journey, and I'm going to use that word, this journey that you have been on since you lost your husband, your husband took his life, and you've had to move into what is your new normal. And I'm sure that's still evolving and it will continue to evolve. Talk to me about some of the things that you have had to and ended up putting in your book in regards to some of the tools, the strategies, the resources that you've had to rely upon that others should know about or should help and provide and to support others. Alexandra Wyman [00:17:18]: So tools change daily. I just want to start there because sometimes I don't know for your listeners, but I know for myself that I will pick a tool and I'm like, awesome, I found the magic thing that's going to make everything feel better. I'm going to use this every day and then I get to the next day and go, oh no, that doesn't work. So I'm a big fan of having a toolbox and finding which tool work on which day, and there's been lots of them. Therapy is definitely one that has helped with a grief specific therapist. I think that helps only because grief is so random and such a roller coaster that even now approaching three years where I'm like, okay, good, I'm great, I'm having a great day. And then I'll still get hit with something and go, oh, right, okay, I'm not where I thought I would be. And you were right earlier. Alexandra Wyman [00:18:08]: This is a journey and it's a lifetime journey. It just changes and morphs and certain things. I could maybe go a couple of years and feel great and then another year something will hit me harder. So it is very up and down. I have used so therapy, journaling, meditation, definitely screaming, done my own scream therapy. I have exercised, although initially I was encouraged very early on to exercise and I became like a child myself and told the doctor, you go exercise right now. It's hard for me to even get out of bed. But it is true. Alexandra Wyman [00:18:43]: It is helpful, even if it's just a short, slow walk. I have relied on friends to even talk through things to see. I've looked at blogs, researched all sorts of parenting books to figure out how to do this as a single parent. So there are lots of different ways to go about this. I think the main thing is to try certain things and definitely work through whatever is going on in front of you. Skirting around it, ignoring the grief or the emotions doesn't help at all. And in fact, all it does is kind of prolong that process. And it's horrible. Alexandra Wyman [00:19:19]: It's a horrible process. It's extremely hard, but it's very rewarding once you get to the other side. Oh, I even consulted a medium. Where am I going? I started reading all sorts of books on death. What happens in different cultures and how different people view death. I went down a whole rabbit hole on that. So I'd say quite the gamut of tools for the emotional piece. There's definitely some other things for kind of the business. Alexandra Wyman [00:19:43]: I don't know if you want me to go into some of the business stuff, but there is a lot to have to manage. But I think just take that first step forward of trying something is the. Christopher Lewis [00:19:53]: Most important for someone that is picking up your book and they are looking for some answers and wanting to get those resources that you've been able to capture and be able to identify for yourself. What are some of the biggest takeaways that you're hoping that people are going to take from the book itself? Alexandra Wyman [00:20:12]: Probably the biggest takeaway is that you can get through this. I had someone say that to me. It was actually one of the sheriff's officers who had to inform me that Sean had passed and she had lost her husband by suicide eight months prior. And she said, you're not going to believe me, but you can get through this. And she was right. I did not believe her. But it is possible. Taking 1ft in front of the other, finding something to anchor to, to help you on those days where it's ridiculously hard and you don't want to live, that does happen. Alexandra Wyman [00:20:44]: But finding something to anchor to that keeps you here, because when you can get through the sludge is what I call it. When you can get through those horrible feelings, when you can start to let your mind and body start to heal, it is worth it and you can find joy that's left in this life. It looks different. I'll say that how I view things now in life is very different than before. But it is possible to do that. Christopher Lewis [00:21:08]: Talk to me about that anchor, because I'm sure that you have to retether every so often and it may be even be on a daily basis. So what do you have to do to re anchor yourself now that you've gone through this? It's three years later, and you are looking toward the future. Alexandra Wyman [00:21:25]: Yeah. So initially, I'd say my anchor was my son. Very early on, I was aware that while I knew this situation was going to impact us, I didn't want it to dictate things for us. And I wanted to make sure that while I could talk to him about his dad, I didn't want his dad's death to just be hanging over him or over me. To the point where if I couldn't continue to move forward, how that would impact him and the anchor does change in a sense of now I can look and find a different meaning and purpose. My life was going in a very different trajectory before Sean died and realizing how it's different now and then finding meaning and purpose in that. And so while my son was able to help me work know that initial shock and get through those and he still is my anchor for sure. Finding that meaning and purpose of how I want to take the aftermath and my experience in this journey and be able to pay it forward and help other people has now become my anchor that's now become how I keep putting 1ft in front of the other. Christopher Lewis [00:22:27]: Well, Alexandra, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your story, for sharing what you've gone through and for helping others that have gone through similar situations or may go through similar situations. Because this is kind of as I said at the beginning, it's a topic that it's taboo in society. It's hard to talk about, but it's important to talk about and to confront and to ask. I mean, I've gone through training at work, and we've talked about suicide and suicide prevention. And one of the interesting things is something that you said at the very beginning was the fact that if you truly think that someone is going to harm themselves, you need to ask that question. You need to say, Are you planning on harming yourself? And it's not something that you typically would go to a person and say, but it is so important. Are there other pieces that you want to leave for anyone to think about if they're concerned about someone, if they're concerned for themselves, that you would leave today? Alexandra Wyman [00:23:31]: Yeah, it's such a good question. I would say if you are someone who is hurting and feeling that this is potentially a way to end that pain, you're not broken, you're not defective, and there is some hope and help for you. And if you can take that step to actually reach out and just let someone know you need help to be seen, absolutely. I see you. Chris sees you. We're here to see you and to see that pain. You're definitely more than that pain. And for other individuals who are worried about their loved ones. Alexandra Wyman [00:24:07]: Like you said, Chris, ask the question. Shower them with love and see your person again for who they are and to tell them that you care about them, that you're there. And again, no matter the outcome. It's not our individual responsibility, because we all have that choice. But to just show someone that you genuinely care and are there for them is what I would say. Christopher Lewis [00:24:28]: And one of the resources that I will share with you is something that any of you should be able to access in your own area. And that's nine eight eight. Keep that number in mind. We have 911, but now you have 988, which is the suicide and crisis lifeline, and it is open 24 hours a day. They have multiple languages. And if you are hurting, as Alexandra said, if you feel like you need to reach out, have a lifeline, dial nine eight eight. Talk to someone, they will talk to you, they will work with you and they'll help you through it. And that is such an important resource that has not been there very long, but it is now available throughout the United States, and it is something that I would highly encourage any person to take advantage of. Alexandra Wyman [00:25:16]: Absolutely. Yes, please do, Alexandra. Christopher Lewis [00:25:19]: If people want to find out more about you about the book, where should they go? Alexandra Wyman [00:25:22]: So my website is Forwardtojoy.com, all spelled out. You can email me at alexandra@forwardtojoy.com. I'm on Instagram at Forwardtojoy. But definitely there are also additional resources on my website for any individual who's in this aftermath of trying to handle some of the business with the estate. There's also one on one coaching that I offer for going through this process. So definitely check out the website. That'd probably be the best way. And the book is on Amazon and on a couple of different websites as. Christopher Lewis [00:25:51]: Well, and I will put a link in there. It is forwardtojoy.com. As Alexandra just said, I love the quote that's on there. Life is unpredictable as a notion. What is predictable is how we handle what life hands us. And I think that is such an important thing to think about and to think about for your own self and how that impacts you and your family, because it is so true. Alexander, thanks so much for being here. I truly appreciate you sharing your journey, and I wish you all the best. Alexandra Wyman [00:26:23]: Thanks so much. Christopher Lewis [00:26:23]: Chris if you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads with Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out The Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And The Fatherhood Insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on Fatherhood through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step. By step, roadmaps and more. You will engage and learn with experts but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out@fatheringtogether.org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dads with Daughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes. Christopher Lewis [00:27:09]: Today Dads with Daughters is a program of fathering together. We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week. All geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters and be the best dad that you can be. We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them present and bring your A game because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite glass calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the one to now be the best dad you can be be the best dad you can be.

In this episode of the "Dads with Daughters" podcast, host Christopher Lewis introduces the show's mission of spotlighting resources and advice for dads to become the best fathers they can be, particularly in raising strong, independent daughters. He emphasizes the challenges and joys of raising daughters, underscoring the importance of knowing that you're not alone and there are resources available. The episode's guest, Justin, known online as Dr. Youngbody, joins the conversation. They discuss Justin's experience as a father to his eleven-year-old daughter and his role in various types of relationships, including being a stepfather. Justin shares that he was excited when he found out he was going to have a daughter and emphasizes the uniqueness of each child. Justin talks about his biggest fear in parenting, which is wanting his daughter to be able to handle whatever life throws at her. He stresses the importance of preparing her to navigate life's challenges and reminding her that getting through difficult situations doesn't make her a bad person. The podcast explores the challenges of fatherhood, with Justin mentioning the difficulties he faced during his divorce, including not knowing when he would see his daughter next. He shares a valuable piece of advice from a friend about making interactions with his daughter enjoyable and positive. The conversation delves into their favorite shared activities, with laughter being a significant bonding factor between Justin and his daughter. They highlight the joy of sharing humorous moments together. Justin reflects on the term "girl dad" and what it means to him, emphasizing the importance of supporting and empowering his daughter to be herself. The episode also touches on Justin's daughter's interest in acting and modeling. He explains that from a young age, she showed a desire to entertain people and make them laugh. Justin and his ex-wife have supported her interests in the entertainment industry. The discussion then shifts to Justin's experience as a stepfather and the lessons he learned. He mentions the importance of letting go of ego and demands for respect, focusing on building a close relationship with the children and creating an atmosphere of trust and open communication. The episode concludes with a conversation about handling the challenges of divorce and maintaining relationships with children from previous marriages. Justin shares his struggle with losing contact with some of the children but emphasizes the importance of focusing on being the best father he can be for the child he still has in his life. Overall, the podcast highlights the complexities of fatherhood, the importance of strong parent-child relationships, and the continuous learning and growth that come with being a father.   TRANSCRIPT Christopher Lewis [00:00:06]: Welcome to dads with daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads resources and more to help you be the best dad you can be. Welcome back to the Dads with Daughters podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughter's lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week and as always, we are on a journey together. Raising daughters is a wonderful thing. It could be a challenging thing. There are so many ups and downs and sideways events and things that happen along the way as your child moves from phase to phase in her life. And it's important to know that you're not alone, that there are people around you that you can rely on, that people around you that you can learn from. And even if you're not willing to go next door and talk to that dad that's next door with their kids, we're here every week. And I love being able to talk with you, to be able to give you some perspectives, to allow for you to be able to meet other dads and other resources that are out there for you to be able to access and for you to be able to learn from. Christopher Lewis [00:01:21]: And you just have to be open to taking that all in. And I think that's important. That's such an important thing for every father to do. Not always an easy thing, never said this is going to be easy, but it is definitely something that if you're willing to do it and you're willing to put in the work, you're going to come out in the end being the best dad that you can be every week. I love being able to bring you different guests. Guests that have different experiences that have led them to be the father that they are or the resource that they represent. But this week we have another great guest with us. Justin is with us. Christopher Lewis [00:02:01]: Justin is known online as Dr. Youngbody. And we're going to be talking about Justin's experience being a father to an eleven year old daughter, but also his experience in different types of relationships where he had to be a stepparent or his child had a stepparent or another person in her life that became a pseudo stepparent, per se. And what he had to learn in that regard to be able to be not only a great dad to his own biological daughter, but a great dad to the other children in his life. Justin, thanks so much for being here today. Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:02:42]: Hey, thanks for having me on. I do want to say one thing quick because I'm sure a lot of people, when they hear Dr. Youngbody, they're like, what the heck is that from? That was a nickname that my dad had for me when I was young. It's actually a reference to from Gilligan's Island. If you remember the show Gilligan's Island, there was a soap opera that I forget if it was Ginger or Marianne would watch on the show. And there was a character in the soap opera named the Good Dr. Youngbody, and that's where that's from. My dad's been calling me that since I was a young child, and I've just kind of ran with it, so to clear that up. Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:03:17]: But yeah, thanks for having me. Christopher Lewis [00:03:19]: I love that and I appreciate you sharing that and making sure everybody understands. Not everybody's going to run to go check out and see if there's a clip on YouTube or something to that effect of Dr. Youngbody out there from Gilligan's Island. Now, I always love starting these conversations with an opportunity to turn the clock back in time. I mentioned that you have an eleven year old daughter. Let's go back in time to that first moment that you found out that you were going to be a father to a daughter. What was going through your head? Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:03:48]: I was so excited. You talk about the first moment in my head I'm imagining when they told me we were having a girl, and it was a very exciting moment. I wasn't one of those dads that's like, I better have a boy. I've been surrounded by women my whole life. I have three sisters sorry, two sisters, three siblings. I have one very younger brother, but I grew up with my two sisters, so I was very excited. I took the chance to really kind of sit there and soak it in like, oh my gosh, I'm going to have a daughter. And I really had no idea what that was going to entail. Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:04:23]: My daughter's mother had two daughters of her own at the time, so I had some experience with some girls, but as all of parents out there know by now, every child is different. So there was no part of me that thought like, oh, well, this is how it is with these two girls. This is what it's going to be with her. Obviously, I knew this was going to be a very unique, one of a kind, individual little girl. So, yeah, I was very excited and obviously never looked back and never thought to myself, like, oh, I wish I had a boy, or anything like that. Christopher Lewis [00:04:56]: Now, I mentioned the fact that your daughter is eleven and you've had her in your life now for a number of years. As I talk to a lot of fathers, especially as they go through the different phases of their child's life, there are different fears, different things that they run into that they're like, what the heck, I don't know. And there's definitely some fears that go along with that. What would you say has been your biggest fear in raising a daughter? Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:05:21]: Honestly, with my daughter, I just always want her to be able to handle whatever life throws at her, and it's a guarantee that life's going to throw some things at her, whether that's in her relationships with other people, her family members as she gets older and let's say people passing away, just all that. And I've always wanted to prepare her however I can, to be able to handle whatever that is and try to just remind her that whatever does happen, you have to find a way to get through it because whatever it is, it doesn't make you a bad person because you were able to get through a difficult situation. Obviously, people grieve and go through all their hardships in their own way, but you have to find a way to get through it because if you don't, it's going to be hard to get through life and be happy in life. That's kind of been my biggest fear, is an event or something happening to her, whatever that is, that she feels that she can't get through. I mean, obviously we all worry about physical harm to our children and that never stops. Whether it's like I can think of countless times when you're at a very busy park, oh, can we play hide and seek? Heck no. You know what I mean? And they get so upset and it's like, I will not let you leave my sight for one moment. So, I mean, those obvious fears. Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:06:43]: But like I said, more than that. Just her feeling like she can't handle or get through something is my biggest fear. Christopher Lewis [00:06:50]: Now, you've had your daughter in your life for a number of years. What has been the hardest part of being a father to a daughter? Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:06:58]: The hardest part? I would say with my daughter, there's none of that like unrelatable or me being a guy, her being a girl kind of problems. We have a very open and honest relationship when it comes to communication. She knows she can talk to me about anything and I'm not going to be upset with her. When you say raising a daughter, I hear raising my child because I haven't had to raise any other children, you know what I mean? I did have the stepson and the two stepdaughters, but I think that when you talk about the biggest challenge. Obviously for me, going through my divorce was tough and there were periods where I didn't get to see my daughter as frequently and at the time was very tough just not knowing how much time or when I was going to get to see her next. I wasn't in banking yet at that time, so my schedule was much more scattered. It was difficult until not only did I switch careers, but the divorce was finalized that now we're every other week. But at that time, it was difficult for me to keep my attitude and quote unquote, vibes high when I did get the time to either speak to or see. Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:08:08]: You know, I did get a really good piece of advice from a really close friend of mine. His name is Ryan, and he told me that the best thing you can do. I'd get so frustrated when, let's say, my daughter didn't call me, or maybe I called her, but she seemed distracted. And it's like, hey, I need you to need me, but more so just in what he said was basically just to try to make whatever interactions you have or whatever conversations you have enjoyable, or they're not going to want to have those conversations. And it sounds obvious, but once I made that change and it did go a long way, not only in how our conversations went, but obviously she wanted to talk to me a lot more. And when you're concentrating on the things that your child did wrong, instead of just enjoying what's happening, that's not going to lead to more positive moments. And that was a difficult time for me. But when I made that kind of switch in the way I responded to those moments, it did go a long way. Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:09:09]: And now I remind myself of that, but I don't really have to because it's kind of just ingrained in the way I interact with her, that whenever I'm able to interact with her. We're going to keep this positive. I'm so excited that I got to share this conversation or this event or whatever it is with you and much less like, why didn't you call me last night? Or things like that. Christopher Lewis [00:09:32]: With the fact that you're sharing custody, you're sharing opportunities to be able to spend time with your daughter when you do have her, what would you say is the favorite thing that you and your daughter enjoy sharing together? Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:09:49]: We laugh a lot together. I would say that's the number one thing, whether it's in the car on the way to drop her off at school or sitting down for a meal or sitting on the couch watching a show or playing our favorite video games together, it's just always the laughs that afterwards you remember. And it's always just like even just today I called my daughter and it was like, I had so much fun with you at dinner last night. Like, you were so funny. And that's when I know she's comfortable, I know she's happy, I know she feels safe, she's so funny. And that's, I think the moments I really enjoy and think about when she's not around is just laughing, hearing her laugh, her constantly making me laugh, because she is quite hilarious. She's quite the ham, if you know what I mean. Christopher Lewis [00:10:46]: Now. We met on Twitter. I noticed a tweet that you had put out where you were using the hashtag girl dad as a part of that for you. As you think about that hashtag, what does being a girl dad mean to you? Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:11:02]: I think the most important thing is just being open to whatever is about to come your way. Because I am not a girl, and obviously you want that to be whether it's a boy or girl. But having no clue what she's about to throw at me, whether it's what her new interest is, what is no longer her interest, all those things. I think that recognizing that we are here to support and empower our girls, I think that it isn't about being this strong dad, although sometimes that's required and necessary too. It's about building up your strong daughter so much more about them than it is about me being this I'm a dad now. Christopher Lewis [00:11:49]: One of the things you mentioned to me was that your daughter is an actress and that from very early on in age she has you and your ex wife worked to support her in the journey that she's been on to model and to act and to be not only her own person, but to develop a persona for herself in that world. Talk to me about that and how you both decided to encourage her, and then also help her to be able to do the thing that now she loves. Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:12:24]: So when she was born, her siblings all had some experience with that as well. Her daughter's, three years older than her, has similar experience. She's been doing it since she was born. Her brother, who is 18 now, has plenty of experience, although they weren't nearly as interested in it. They were very good at it, but it wasn't something that they were like, oh, I want more of this. With Isabelle from immediately, it was something that she really wanted to be a part of. Obviously not only because her siblings were doing it, but it's something that her mom and I both did our whole lives. So I'm sure it has something to do with that. Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:13:03]: But she just, from a very young age, has really enjoyed the attention of people and making people laugh and making sure people are entertained. She's always very aware of the people around her and how they're feeling, and she loves being part of what can make people feel better. And I think that's what motivates her. From an entertainment standpoint, it's not so much about the eyes on her, it's more about like she feels like she will make you feel better, which is almost always the case. She created this club at school last year where all the kids could create these clubs and then different students could join them. She created what was called the You Club, and what it meant was, this club's here for you. If you have a problem or you're going through something and you feel like you're alone, you come to our club and we're here for you. And that just says all you need to know about my daughter. Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:14:02]: She's just always about kind of bringing the place together, making sure everyone's having a good time. Christopher Lewis [00:14:09]: One of the other things that I mentioned at the very beginning was the fact that along the road, you have been not only a father to your biological daughter, but you've been a stepfather to other kids with your ex wife who now have a girlfriend. That is being a stepparent in many ways, right, for your daughter as well. And I know you've had to go through some of your own learning when it came to balancing being a father to your child, a father to your ex wife's, children and beyond. Talk to me about some of that learning and what you had to do to be able to balance that but also understand what it took to be a good stepparent. Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:14:58]: Well, I think from the early stages it's easy to be that extra friend. My situation raising my daughter'siblings was a little different in that I was raising them as a father, two of them anyway. But we won't get bogged down too hard in those details. But I think that early on it's easy to have this demand for respect kind of attitude, but that gets you nowhere is what I've kind of learned. And I did have to learn that the hard way. Like I said, it's a learning curve when you're parenting. And I think that the best thing I realized was when I saw or read this somewhere. But it really resonated and that's that your child wants to have the closest relationship with you more so than anyone ever that you've met in your entire life. Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:15:49]: But it's up to you as a parent to allow that to happen. And the more we are consumed by our own issues because as children and as adults now we are all kind of a result of our parents issues, right? But the sooner we can let go of our issues and not make them our children's, the better. And usually that's that ego of yours that thinks that somehow you demand respect. And I think that the second I stopped having that attitude and realized that I'm not owed anything, children aren't asked to be brought in this world. And I think that the parents out there that have the attitude that their child owes them something at some point is kind of ridiculous to me. I think that as a parent, not only are we here to raise our children and hopefully give them the best opportunities, but that continues. That never ends. And I know there's different schools of thought out there and ways to but once I stopped thinking that I was owed something or was entitled to something, I started getting a lot more connection with the children and obviously now with my daughter too. Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:16:56]: I mean, the idea of punishing her is outrageous to me. I would never think of doing that. If she does something that wasn't good for her or wasn't good for someone else, we would talk about why and she would feel bad enough. That is the punishment, you know what I mean? And not to start getting too spiritual, but I remember hearing that one time some people are wait to be punished for their sins. Sin is the punishment. Like knowing what you did is punishment enough. I certainly parent and my daughter a little differently now that I went through some of those trials and tribulations with the other children. But yeah, you're not going to connect with a child yelling at them or taking away their favorite item or that just builds distrust. Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:17:42]: And what if I screw up? What am I going to lose then? Instead of building this atmosphere where you can do whatever you want, just be you, and if something goes wrong or we've made a bad choice, we'll talk about why. But I think that was big. Christopher Lewis [00:17:58]: One question that comes to mind as I think about that is I know that you have gotten divorced from your ex wife and you now still have a relationship because you share custody, you have a daughter together, you were a father to her children, you now are separated, you're not together. And there are other fathers that go through that as well. And I'm sure there's a sense of loss that goes with that. Talk to me about that and what you had to do to reconcile that for yourself, but also to reconcile that with the kids as well. Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:18:35]: So that's a great question and that's definitely as not just a parent, but in my life, in my entire life been my biggest struggle and that's having raised a couple of kids that I don't get to see anymore because of all sorts of issues. But that's been very difficult. And when I first got divorced and I wasn't able to see them, it was important to me that everyone is aware that I still love these kids. Like there is no love lost or Isabel. My daughter is not taking a lead now because I no longer get to see these other children. That is not the case. But it was difficult in knowing where I'm supposed to be. I knew what I was feeling. Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:19:21]: I knew I was frustrated and I was angry and I was ashamed and upset and embarrassed and so many things because obviously you can't go back. But I also have an obligation to be the best dad I can for my daughter that I do have and I can see. So I try to take all the energy and all those emotions and try to just focus it on that and that I am here for her and I have control over that. And so I'm going to do everything I can to make sure I'm doing that the best I can. And without getting into too much details about my other situation, that's been ridiculously tough because every time I go and pick up or drop off my daughter, I might catch a glimpse of them. And it's tough. It's really tough. Some days more than others. Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:20:09]: I'd love to say that I'm past it, but I don't think I ever will be. But I try to remind myself that you can control what you can control. And I just want to be the best dad I can for my daughter that I am able to be here for. Christopher Lewis [00:20:22]: That is, the only thing that you can do is to be present and to do what you can to be the best father that you can be for your child that you still have in your life. And you never know. I mean, there may be a point in time that the other kids do come back and they reach back out and want to have that relationship in the future. It's always a possibility. And I think for any father that goes through that, you have to just keep that in mind for yourself and know that you have to work on your kids. The kids have to come to you. You can't force it, and you can't force that timetable. Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:20:59]: You got to keep working on yourself too, because I think that that's one thing that I had to remind myself, too, is as badly as I wanted them in my life, I need to respect them and the current climate of things. And to your point, I definitely came to a point where I was much more at ease with the fact of, like, all right, if it's meant to be, maybe someday it'll happen. But because I had made so many mistakes and wanted to have a chance to fix or rectify those issues, I may have pushed harder to try to force myself into their life when I probably shouldn't have. And again, another learn from your mistakes kind of thing. But again, all you can do is respect how they feel and keep being the best person you can be. Christopher Lewis [00:21:53]: So true. So true. And definitely not an easy thing to learn, an easy process to go through, or an easy thing to have to handle or to deal with in any sense. Now, we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Fatherhood Five, where I ask you five more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready? Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:22:10]: I'm ready. Christopher Lewis [00:22:10]: In one word, what is fatherhood love? Was a time that you finally felt like you succeeded at being a father to a daughter? Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:22:19]: I would say I stopped saying that I'm proud of my daughter. I stopped saying I'm proud of you. I've started saying you should be proud of yourself, because it was a switch where I no longer wanted to try to seek someone else's approval. She should be seeking her own approval. And if you're proud of yourself, that's all that matters. And I know that's a long answer, but instead of gleaming with my own pride, making sure that she's proud and. Christopher Lewis [00:22:44]: What was your daughter's response as you started making that switch? Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:22:48]: It was funny because the first few times I said it, I'd say, wow, you should be really proud of yourself. She'd kind of take a moment to self reflect and go, I am. And there'd be that nod like, you know what, I am really proud of myself. And it kind of was like, yes, that feeling. Yes, that's good. It's a good feeling. Christopher Lewis [00:23:08]: If I was to talk to your daughter, how would she describe you as a dad? Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:23:11]: She would probably say, I try a little too hard to be funny, but you know how it is. It's a fine line between hilarity and idiocracy when it comes to your child. Like, you're either hilarious or you're an idiot. And I definitely bounce back and forth. Sometimes my dad jokes are great. Sometimes they don't land very well. Christopher Lewis [00:23:35]: Now, who inspires you to be a better dad? Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:23:37]: I would say my father, for sure, and his father as well. My dad was very young when he started having children and had to kind of put schooling on hold. And eventually, once he got older, got his GED, got a job, now he's the CEO of a pretty large company. But at no point throughout that whole time, even though he had to work very hard, did I ever feel like I wasn't still important. And I think I try to remember that when I am going through things or working towards things or working hard, or maybe my focus is elsewhere, just reminding myself that this is still what's most important. And you need to make sure that they're still feeling that. Even if you know you're feeling it, that doesn't really matter. You need to know they are. Christopher Lewis [00:24:20]: Now, you've talked about a lot of different things. Some of the things that you've learned, some of the steps that you have tripped on along the way, things that still help you to be a better dad as you think about fatherhood, as you think about all dads, what's one piece of advice you'd want to leave with every dad? Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:24:38]: You mentioned the word earlier, and I don't think it can be stressed enough, but just try as hard as you can to be present and in the moment, whatever that is, because it flies so fast. And everyone says that, but we only get so much time. And I keep hearing people say I'll say how great my daughter is and the relationship we have, and I'll tell them how old she is. And I always hear, like, oh, wait till she turns 15, or you don't hear that I hate you dad yet or whatever, and not my daughter, never. But I think that regardless of what's happening, just being present, not trying to be too reactionary, because the last thing you want is your kids to start closing up and not telling you things. So just being present and just being thankful for those moments because you don't get them forever. I heard someone say one time, the next time you're frustrated with your child, imagine that you went back in time and you were given this moment, like years from now, would you still be angry about whatever it is you're angry about? Or would you be so grateful that you have this moment and reminding ourselves that we are very lucky to be having these moments? So true. Christopher Lewis [00:25:48]: So true. I just dropped my oldest off at college. Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:25:51]: Oh, wow, that's tough. Yeah. Christopher Lewis [00:25:52]: As you drive away and you leave her there, and you then come back to that empty house, and we have two kids, so we still have one at home, but it's still much emptier without her there, you definitely feel that and you look back and say, you only have so many moments. And yes, so many fathers in my life said to me, they go by fast, and they do, and you take it for granted, but you need to know that that is so true. Don't get lost in the minutiae. Don't get lost in the little things. And don't let those take over your life, because take advantage of the little moments. Enjoy the little moments. Enjoy the big moments, too, because they will pass you by. Justin, I just want to say thank you. Christopher Lewis [00:26:43]: Thank you so much for being here today, for sharing your journey, for sharing your perspectives, for sharing the experiences that you've had as a father. And I wish you all the best. Justin - Dr. Youngbody [00:26:53]: I really appreciate you having me. It was really fun chatting with you. Christopher Lewis [00:26:56]: The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most dads are figuring it out as they go along. And the Fatherhood Insider is full of resources and information that will up your game on Fatherhood. Through our extensive course, library, interactive forum, step by step roadmaps and more, you will engage and learn with experts, but more importantly, dads like you. So check it out@fatheringtogether.org. If you are a father of a daughter and have not yet joined the Dadswithdaughters Facebook community, there's a link in the notes. Today. Dads with Daughters is a program of fathering together. Christopher Lewis [00:27:39]: We look forward to having you back for another great guest next week, all geared to helping you raise strong, empowered daughters and be the best dad that you can be. We're all in the same boat? And it's full of tiny screaming passengers? We spend the time we give the lessons? We make the meals we buy them present and bring your A game? Because those kids are growing fast? The time goes by just like a dynamite glass? Calling astronauts and firemen? Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the one to now? Be the best dad you can be? Be the best dad you can be? Close.

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast, we bring you father of two, social justice advocate and more, Daryle Brown. We talk to Daryle Brown about fatherhood, social justice and the joys of raising daughters! If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast, we bring you father of three and founder of Modern Husbands, Brian Page! We talk to Brian about fatherhood and what he is creating at Modern Husbands to help husbands and kids, including a new homework hacks course he recently launched! Brian Page has spent his career improving lives through personal finance education, and he founded Modern Husbands to continue doing this through couples. He spent 15 years as a personal finance and economics educator and was recognized as a National Educator of the Year by the Milken Foundation and Ohio Department of Education, a CNN Money Hero, a CEE Forbes Award winner, and a former Working Group Member of the U.S. President's Advisory Council on Financial Capability.  Throughout his career, he brought research-based financial behavior findings to life in the classroom to empower students to manage money independently. That is now his mission for couples across the country. ​During that time, he also helped develop personal finance content for Next Gen Personal Finance, VISA, the University of Pennsylvania Wharton School KWHS program, George Washington University GLFEC, and the Ohio Department of Education and the Council on Economic Education (National). If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast, we bring you mother and mindfulness coach Traci Mausolf of Thrive With Mindfulness. We talk about mindfulness and how this can help, not only your kids, but you, in being a better parent! Traci Mausolf is a southern California native who moved to Europe in 2001. She is a credentialed teacher and certified mindfulness coach for parents and all professionals who serve children. Traci believes that mindfulness helps people to feel more connected, and that's why she coaches parents and professionals who work with children in establishing and sustaining their mindfulness practices. When she's not coaching, she likes to spend time in nature, especially the beach,  gardening, and working on creative projects. She travels between Europe and California regularly to spend time with family. She is a wife, mom of a teenager, and she has a dog named Quesadilla (named by her son when he was 5 - we call him KC for short) who is a mix between a terrier and a poodle. She and her family have shortened that to ‘toodle'.  If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast, we bring you father, astronaut and author Terry Virts. We talk together about fatherhood, being an astronaut and what he has learned about life by looking at the Earth from the outside. Colonel (retired) Terry Virts has spent over seven months in space during his two spaceflights, piloting the Space Shuttle Endeavour on STS-130 in 2010, and commanding the International Space Station during Expedition 42 and 43. He is an avid photographer and has taken the most ever photographs in space, more than 319,000 images altogether. He served in the US Air Force as a fighter pilot, test pilot, NASA astronaut, and is a graduate of the US Air Force Academy, Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University, and Harvard Business School.  The first book Terry read as a child was about the Apollo moon missions and he was hooked. He grew up with posters of airplanes and rockets and galaxies on his bedroom wall, and when he wasn't playing baseball or football, he was reading books about astronomy or astronauts or teaching himself how to program computers. Terry also fell in love with traveling at a young age; he lived in Finland as an exchange student in high school and attended the French Air Force Academy for a semester during college. He has since travelled to all seven continents and lived in Asia, Europe, the Middle East, and Russia. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast, we bring you mother, author and therapist, Dr. Amanda Craig. In her twenty-plus years as a family therapist, Amanda Craig, Ph.D., LMFT has worked in a variety of settings including research departments, juvenile correction facilities, high schools, Fortune 500 companies, substance abuse programs, and/or university/college classrooms. Today, we talk about parenting tweens and teens and what you can do to make strong connections during these changing years. Ah, the tween years. This uncertain time in a child's development has many parents realizing that they need to double down on academic focus and watch their children more carefully as they gain more trust and are exposed to more of the world through social pursuits and their peers. What is a parent to do though when they are feeling so much pressure to watch their kids, but also want them to gain the confidence they need to move through the world successfully in their teen years and beyond?  Enter Amanda Craig, A family therapist who has seen and experienced much of this in her practice, and has legitimately written the book, Who are you and what have you done with my kid? Her advice is to stop trying to parent and seize the opportunity to connect with your child instead, while they're still listening and trusting you. When as parents, we worry about our children, we're creating separation and disconnection with them instead of fostering the connection that's already been built up to now. There is a neurological explosion that is taking place before us as tweens experience four significant changes that shake them (and us) to the core.  As parents, we've already been through it so there's no visceral reference for what's happening, only distant memories. For the tweens, this is all brand new and very visceral. Their brains are changing. They feel and experience emotions they do not recognize. They're hyperaware of themselves. They do not know how to express themselves. Parents still have a “seat at the table” to make positive impressions on their tweens as they prepare them for the teenage years.  Get social with Dr. Craig on IG  |  FaceBook | and Linkedin  If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast, we bring you father and host of the Feel Good Fatherhood Podcast, Jay Twining. We talk about Jay Twining's own experience as a father as well as things that he has learned when interviewing and talking with other fathers on the Feel Good Fatherhood Podcast. The Feel Good Fatherhood Podcast offers unfiltered conversations for fathers about parenting, relationships, and building their families.  If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast, we bring you mother and owner of Get Real Parental Coaching, Sandra Trew. We talk together about the journey that Sandra has been on in working with parents and what she has learned from these interactions that will help all parents to be the best parents they can be. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast, we bring you father, teacher, and musician, Jason Flashner. Today we talk about his own journey as a father and how this has helped him to create even more music.  Jason also shares with us a song entitled: Baby Girl that he wrote for his own daughter.  If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast, we bring you father and author of How To Be The Parent Your Teenager Needs You To Be Without: All Of The Fighting, Frustration, Or Fear Of Doing It Wrong  , Jim White. Jim White is an author, coach, and founder of the Family Enrichment Academy. He has spent the last 40 years studying personal development, marriage, and parenting. More importantly, he has also spent those 40 years applying these lessons and living life as a husband, a father to 6 children, and a grandfather to 12.     If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast, we bring you father and founder of Dad Bod Wod, Kevin Torres. We talk about fatherhood and what dads can do to incorporate fitness into small times each day. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast, we bring you father and daughter Mark and Mary Timm. Mark has been an advocate for fathers for many years, and now his daughter Mary is also following in his footsteps.  Mark Timm is the author of Mentor to Millions and has been a serial entrepreneur and exponential-thinking practitioner for over two decades. He has started more than a dozen companies, several of which have multiplied and been sold. He has spoken professionally for more than 25 years, giving thousands of speeches to over a million people around the globe. Mark's greatest value comes from being a master collaborator who brings people together to accomplish far more than anyone imagined. His strategic vision enables him to see future possibilities and strategically position assets and systems to take full advantage of what's next. Today, Mark believes his most important role is CEO of the most valuable business in the world: his family of six young adults with his wife, Ann. His own experience of dealing with entrepreneurial challenges fueled his passion for helping people balance the demands of family life and business. For more info visit www.marktimm.com. Mary Timm is a recent college graduate that has been working on studying fatherhood and on her own upcoming book about the same topic. Both father and daughter dig deep in this episode and talk about the power of the relationship between father and child, and I know that you will love this as much as I loved recording it! Learn more about Mark and Mary here! If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast, we bring you Darby Fox, LCSW, who is a child and adolescent family therapist in private practice in Connecticut and New York. With over twenty years of experience, she is an expert on parenting, child psychology, and family topics. Appearing regularly on-air and in print media, Fox covers a range of topics, from parenting questions and discipline techniques to current trends in child development. She has also collaborated with Meath Media Group to develop a television series called Fractured Family with Darby Fox. Learn more about Darby @ Darbyfox.com and follow her on social media: IG  | Twitter  Darby Fox has been working with teenagers for years and she has recently written a book to help all parents with teens. In Rethinking your Teenager Darby Fox challenges parents to redefine the goals of adolescence by reorienting their focus from what they want their child to be to on who they want their child to be. Darby not only equips parents with the insight to understand the changes taking place in their child's brain and body and support their adolescent's bid for independence but also offers an approach that allows parents to engage their adolescent in a relationship instead of struggling in an endless battle for control. The book is organized around a series of persistent myths about adolescence, each of which the author tears down with a combination of cutting edge neuroscience research, developmental psychology, and her own mix of clinical observations and experience raising four children. Darby Fox offers a new model for the parent-child relationship, encouraging parents to let go of the attempt to control their teenager and focus instead on creating mutual respect, providing structure and nurture, and encouraging independence in their developing teenager. She walks through the keys to combining structure and nurture and teaches every parent how to connect with their teen while holding them accountable for their behavior. If parents approach teen years with the same thoughtful preparation, sense of awe and wonder, and responsibility that they do the early childhood years, it can be an enjoyable and rewarding developmental stage that deepens, rather than damages, parent-child relationships.   If you have a teenager at home or a child that will be a teenager, you will want to listen to this episode! If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast, we bring you father of three, Jonathan Bitz. Jonathan Bitz is a parent, creator of CreativeAdventureFamily.com, and author of the new book, Creative Adventuring: A Field Guide For an Inspired Life. Today we  talk about fatherhood but also about Creative Adventuring. Creative Adventuring is a paradigm shift in the parent-child relationship. It can renew the joy of parenting through the power of child-led adventuring and natural curiosity. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

What can Walter White from Breaking Bad teach us?  According to Fred Rogers, all children need to feel heard and loved, and difficult topics should be embraced rather than avoided.  Just in time for Father's Day, Brian Anderson spells out the origin and purpose of "Fathering Together", a non-profit reconnecting fathers to their purpose and to each other. SHOWNOTESBio: Brian Anderson is a husband, father, and gender equity advocate. In his professional life, he's the Grants Manager for i.c.stars. His side hustles and projects include being the Co-Founder and Board President of Fathering Together where he writes and speaks on the importance of dads living connected lives. He's worked with dozens of companies and hundreds of dads to translate their professional skills into home-life strategies. In his personal life, you can find him building Lego structures, cooking, and writing stories with his two daughters. In September 2022, he published his first book, Fathering Together: Living a Connected Dad Life, which lays out servant leadership as a model for fatherhood. Learn more about Brian at www.theconnecteddad.life Fathering Together = www.fatheringtogether.orgThey're on a mission to empower dads to be agents for positive change and to live emotionally courageous, connected and committed to their families.Father's Friday = www.fathersfriday.orgEvery Friday go to Fathering Together's Youtube Channel (@fatheringtogether) for their latest panel on strategies to improve mental health, connect with kids, and advocate for change.SPORCLE.COM (Trivia Quizzes)Support the show

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast, we bring you father and founder of Dad La Soul, Dan Flanagan. Dad La Soul is recognized as the leading organization of its kind in the UK. It offers a unique and relentless approach to radical collaboration that has helped them build a community of thousands of dads in over eight different countries. They also have built a unique platform and safe space for dads to have challenging conversations that now help save lives and create a more emotionally engaged future generation as they see their male role models become better men. Today we talk about fatherhood but also about the work that he is doing with other dads within Dad La Soul! If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast, we bring you father and founder of Involved Dad, Shon Hart. Shon Hart is the  Executive Director of InvolvedDad, a married father of three, a premier keynote speaker, and a leading authority on fatherhood. He brings over 10 years of collective work experience managing and leading fatherhood initiatives. He serves on various boards whose focus is empowering and making a difference in their communities. As Executive Director of InvolvedDad, Shon supports and trains practitioners, government agencies, and researchers on how to ensure fathers contribute to the healthy well-being of their children.  Shon is also a certified (ETA) Eric Thomas speaker, and a 5-time published author, working on his forthcoming book, "Broken Boys Become Broken Men." Today we talk about fatherhood but also about the work that he is doing with Involved Dad! If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast, we bring you the biological father of three, and adoptive father of many, Allan Shedlin. Allan Shedlin is the founder of the DadVocacy Consulting Group and the Daddying Film Festival and Forum. Today we talk about fatherhood but also about the upcoming Daddying Film Festival and Forum. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast, we bring you father and founder of Dad Academy, Jeff Hamilton.  Jeff and I talk about fatherhood and his own journey as a father as well as his own journey in helping dads to be better dads! Jeff Hamilton is a pastor, coach, and consultant. The role he loves the most is as a husband to Jayme and dad to Justin and Jordanne. The Hamiltons have had the privilege of serving families for over 30 years in pastoral ministry. Jeff is passionate about encouraging men and equipping people to live purposeful lives. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast, we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual, and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps, and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you father of ten, Casey Stubbs.  Casey and I talk about fatherhood and his own journey as a father of ten and how he has been able to take the time to be able to make the most of every day. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you father of two, Carlo LaMonica.  Carlo and I talk about fatherhood and the journey that he has been on with one of his daughters after she received a cancer diagnosis and what he had to do as a father to support her and his family throughout this journey.  If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you, entertainer and father of two, Tony Brent.  Tony and I talk about fatherhood but also about what he had to do to balance the life of being an entertainer as well as what he is and has done to support dads and kids through the work that he does.  If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you Aaron Seaton of the Meta Male Project, father, and health, fitness and nutrition expert.  Aaron and I talk about fatherhood but also about what any dad can do to take control of their health, fitness and nutrition.  If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you Dan Luigs, father of two and host of the Journey of a Christian Dad podcast.  Dan and I talk together to talk about fatherhood and what it takes to be present and engaged in your spouse and children's lives.  If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Brian Anderson is a community organizer and dad to two girls. He leads the organization Fathering Together and recently wrote a book of the same name. He often blogs about being present with his girls and putting work aside for those moments.  Brian has had to balance his work mission with his desire to be a connected and available dad. He also talks about systems being the relationships between people and at the simplest level asking: did I make somebody's day better today? You can find my free guides to prevent burnout at www.DrJacquelineKerr.com/free-guides.

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you Dr. Robert Zeitlin, father of two and positive psychologist who has been working with men for many years and especially dads. Today, Dr, Zeitlin and I talked about suicide and what you can do if you are having these feelings or if you know of people that are.  Over the last few weeks we talked to Dr. Zeitlin about the changing dynamics of mental health and depression. If you missed any of the past weeks' episodes please tune in for all three episodes as they have definitely been powerful conversations. Dr. Robert Zeitlin is also an author. One of the books I particularly loved was Laugh More, Yell Less: A Guide to Raising Kick-Ass Kids. This book is one that I read and found to be SO inspirational with practical advice that really lets you make changes right away (and see results too). If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you Dr. Robert Zeitlin, father of two and positive psychologist who has been working with men for many years and especially dads. Today, Dr, Zeitlin and I talked about depression and it's impact on men and what we can do handle depression in ourselves and how we can support other men struggling with this too.  Last week we talked to Dr. Zeitlin about the changing dynamics of mental health and next week we will talk about suicide. Please tune in for all three episodes as they will definitely be powerful conversations. Dr. Robert Zeitlin is also an author. One of the books I particularly loved was Laugh More, Yell Less: A Guide to Raising Kick-Ass Kids. This book is one that I read and found to be SO inspirational with practical advice that really lets you make changes right away (and see results too). If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you Dr. Robert Zeitlin, father of two and positive psychologist who has been working with men for many years and especially dads. Today, Dr, Zeitlin and I spent some time talking about the changing dynamics of mental health that surrounds us today and what we can do to not only help ourselves, but also help other men around us.  Over the next two weeks Dr. Zeitlin will be speaking to us on a number of important mental health topics such as depression and suicide. Please tune in for all three episodes as they will definitely be powerful conversations. Dr. Robert Zeitlin is also an author. One of the books I particularly loved was Laugh More, Yell Less: A Guide to Raising Kick-Ass Kids. This book is one that I read and found to be SO inspirational with practical advice that really lets you make changes right away (and see results too). If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Interview with Brian Anderson and John Badalament / Change MakersHOSTED BY PAUL SULLIVANFathering Together is a nonprofit that works to make fathers agents of positive change. One of its missions is to give dads the tools to try to be the best fathers they can be. Their mission is supported with research and data that shows that more involved fathers benefit the whole family. Listen to what any dad can easily do better.---Get our free newsletter covering all things fatherhood delivered straight to your inbox: https://thecompanyofdads.com/thedad/

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you Dr. Jett Stone, father of two and clinical psychologist whose focus areas include men's issues, high-achieving behaviors, fathering, work-life balance, trauma, anxiety, depression, insomnia, anger, life transitions, and romantic relationship struggles. Today I talk to Jett Stone about his own journey in fatherhood, but also about some of his own work in helping dads being engaged in all aspects of fatherhood. Check out some of his most recent writing on Psychology Today.  If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you Jes Wolfe , CEO of Rebel Girls. Rebel Girls is a global empowerment brand dedicated to raising the most inspired and confident generation of girls through content, experiences, products, and community. They believe in empowering girls to dream big, that amplifying stories of real-life, extraordinary women can pave the way for a more equal world, and that when she sees it, she can be it. I have been impressed in this company for a long time and if you have never heard of them before, I know you will be too!  If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you Chad Willardson, Co-Founder of Gravy Stack, author of Smart, Not Spoiled: The Seven Money Skills Kids Must Master Before Leaving the Nest and father of five. This week I talk to Chad Willardson about his own experience as a father, his book and about how we should never limit the dreams of our daughters!  If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Podcast: Dads With Daughters (LS 29 · TOP 10% what is this?)Episode: The Seven Money Skills Kids Must Master With Chad WillardsonPub date: 2023-02-27Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you Chad Willardson, Co-Founder of Gravy Stack, author of Smart, Not Spoiled: The Seven Money Skills Kids Must Master Before Leaving the Nest and father of five. This week I talk to Chad Willardson about his own experience as a father, his book and about how we should never limit the dreams of our daughters!  If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Dr. Christopher Lewis of Fathering Together, which is the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Listen Notes, Inc.

Podcast: Dads With Daughters (LS 29 · TOP 10% what is this?)Episode: The Seven Money Skills Kids Must Master With Chad WillardsonPub date: 2023-02-27Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you Chad Willardson, Co-Founder of Gravy Stack, author of Smart, Not Spoiled: The Seven Money Skills Kids Must Master Before Leaving the Nest and father of five. This week I talk to Chad Willardson about his own experience as a father, his book and about how we should never limit the dreams of our daughters!  If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Dr. Christopher Lewis of Fathering Together, which is the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Listen Notes, Inc.

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring back Sean Jensen. You might remember Sean Jensen from his original interview from May 2020. This week we talk about stress and students and especially some of the stress Sean has seen in student athletes!  If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you father and entrepreneur, Mike Said. Mike Said and I talk about his own experiences as a father but also about the importance of creating memorable experiences with your daughter!  Learn more about Mike Said Here: Facebook LinkedIn If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you Martin Oji, father and Pastor at the Bay Area Christian Church. Martin Oji and I talk about his own experiences as a father but also about vulnerability as a man and more!  If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you father of three and leadership coach Cory Carlson. Cory about his own experiences as a father but also about his new book Rise and Go: How to Rise Back Up With Courage and Move Forward With Confidence. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today is a special rebroadcast episode of the Dads with Daughters Podcast I did with my father, Wayne, and host Christopher Lewis.  We not only talk about the Better Call Daddy podcast we are doing together, but also, Chris talked to my dad about what's it's like being a father of three daughters. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today! Dr. Christopher Lewis is a passionate storyteller that has spent many years creating, sharing and promoting people, brands, organizations and more.  With over 20 years working in higher education and 14 years in digital marketing, Chris brings a unique perspective to understanding audiences.  His work has focused on the use of data and technology to build and engage robust online communities.  Chris works hard to allow people to share their truth and provide ways for others to learn and grow from the stories they share. As Digital Director for WSYM Fox 47 News Chris supported the agencies digital strategy, reaching millions of viewers per year in a highly competitive local news market. Data was key to driving success. As Co-founder and CIO for Fathering Together, an organization working to help dads be better dads, Chris helps lead social and community engagement across platforms, including several active Facebook groups. Fathering together currently has around 128k members and is actively growing! Connect with Christopher  http://fatheringtogether.org/ http://dadofdivas.com/ http://linkedin.com/in/drchristopherlewis Connect with Reena https://youtube.com/c/BetterCallDaddy bettercalldaddy.com linkedin.com/in/reenafriedmanwatts instagram.com/reenafriedmanwatts twitter.com/reenareena  

There's tons of mom blogs and websites for moms, but what's happening in Fatherhood? What have been the hardest changes (besides diapers)? What didn't Dads expect? First, Lynn hears the latest from Brian Anderson, Executive Director and Co-Founder of Fathering Together, and his community of dads. Then, we hear a funny, real, and heartwarming story from Glen Henry, founder of Beleaf In Fatherhood, on how his world turned upside down when he became a stay-at-home Dad. Make sure to stay until the end when we wrap it all up with a relaxing moment of calm for you!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you father and grandfather Tom Sexton. I talk to Tom about his own experiences as a father but also about his recent stage 4 Cancer diagnosis. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

One of life's biggest regrets is wishing we hadn't worked so hard!  How do we make our time together meaningful with our kids?  How do we prepare our children and give them the skills they'll need to leave our home?  How do we infuse options into our kids' education?  What career options are your kids interested in?  How can we encourage our childrens' interests and goals?  As a #dad to #daughters Christopher Lewis loves seeing dads being present and engaged with their children.  It all started with his Dad With Divas blog. A dad's journey into fatherhood and surviving in a diva's world!  He has a Podcast called the Dads With Daughters Podcast where he interviews dads about raising strong independent women.  My dad and I were fortunate enough to both be on!  How has Christopher Lewis balanced his time as an employee, non-profit owner, podcaster, blogger, husband, and father?  You have to be able to advocate for yourself!  Tune in to find out!  Better Call Daddy: The Safe Space For Controversy!   Dr. Christopher Lewis is a passionate storyteller that has spent many years creating, sharing and promoting people, brands, organizations and more.  With over 20 years working in higher education and 14 years in digital marketing, Chris brings a unique perspective to understanding audiences.  His work has focused on the use of data and technology to build and engage robust online communities.  Chris works hard to allow people to share their truth and provide ways for others to learn and grow from the stories they share. As Digital Director for WSYM Fox 47 News Chris supported the agencies digital strategy, reaching millions of viewers per year in a highly competitive local news market. Data was key to driving success. As Co-founder and CIO for Fathering Together, an organization working to help dads be better dads, Chris helps lead social and community engagement across platforms, including several active Facebook groups. Fathering together currently has around 128k members and is actively growing! Connect with Christopher  http://fatheringtogether.org/ http://dadofdivas.com/ http://linkedin.com/in/drchristopherlewis Connect with Reena https://youtube.com/c/BetterCallDaddy bettercalldaddy.com linkedin.com/in/reenafriedmanwatts instagram.com/reenafriedmanwatts twitter.com/reenareena   My dad and I would love you to subscribe and drop us a review ratethispodcast.com/bettercalldaddy podchaser.com/bettercalldaddy    

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you Scott Donnell. Scott Donnell is a father of three and a serial entrepreneur that has been working Robert Farrington, father and known as America's Millennial Money Expert® and America's Student Loato help kids better understand financial literacy. Today, I talk to Scott about fatherhood, but also about his new company GravyStack. Scott and others created GravyStack because kids are not learning enough about money before they leave the nest. As he explains, schools don't teach it, banks don't care about kids, and parents are crazy busy (or they may not know where to even start). This is why our country has a $1.57T student debt issue, and 76% of young adults fail basic financial literacy tests. Before GravyStack, Scott created Apex Leadership Co. to raise money for schools and teach leadership to 6,000,000 kids across America. He also helped to create My First Sale, which taught thousands of kids to launch their own small business, along with entrepreneurial skills like pricing, selling, profit, and more.  Kids learn better by doing, but kids won't do it unless it's fun (or we nag them). GravyStack uses the power of play to remove resistance and build empowered, self-motivated kids. Play is one of the most impactful ways kids can learn. That's why we've created a highly engaging educational game that your kids will want to play. GravyStack integrates learning into play to teach children valuable lessons about money while they have fun, which means you don't have to nag them to learn. Kids learn better when they're self-motivated rather than forced to learn. This is why allowance and other externally imposed systems do not work and lead to nagging, resentment, and unfulfilled promises. GravyStack is designed to give kids agency. Kids are able to earn their own money, set their own goals, and make choices about their finances. When kids are involved in the decision-making process, they are more likely to see things through to the end. GravyStack lets kids watch the money flow through their Money Machine into their Save, Spend, and Share Jars. Seeing the flow of money from beginning to end is what helps kids understand and manage it with confidence. The financial stability this skill gives kids is what allows them to grow up and create their most meaningful and fulfilled life. GravyStack was designed by subject matter experts, guided by child psychologists, and gamified by behavioral learning game experts who know the science behind FUN. With 10 exciting levels about saving, investing, and earning, the world of Windfall engages kids in play and immerses them in a compelling storyline, so they naturally retain more of the educational information. GravyStack will be launching very soon and you can stay connected to this here. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

We are all going to make mistakes, letting our kids know we aren't experts makes room for them to be right.  Today Brian Anderson and I are talking about what we thought parenting would be like versus what it actually is.  The village mentality is coming back and we all need a community of friendship!  Better Call Daddy: The Safe Space For Controversy. Husband, Dad, Co-founder, Author, and Grant Writer, Brian likes to talk about fatherhood and it all started at a neighborhood bar.  Now he has a Facebook group with over a hundred thousand members free of judgement and misogyny, a virtual hub for dads.  How are dads getting more involved and connected?  Does work come first?  Kids grow up fast we need to be present!  How did your parents show love?  Today we need to disrupt our kids lives and get interested in their interests!   Connect with Brian Anderson https://www.linkedin.com/in/briananderson80 Brian's book Fathering Together: Living a Connected Dad Life https://a.co/d/0kBJaVT #thisworkingdadcares Connect with Reena https://youtube.com/c/BetterCallDaddy bettercalldaddy.com linkedin.com/in/reenafriedmanwatts instagram.com/reenafriedmanwatts twitter.com/reenareena My dad and I would love to hear from you! Subscribe and drop a five star review  ratethispodcast.com/bettercalldaddy podchaser.com/bettercalldaddy

We are going to take a few weeks off to celebrate the holidays and be present with our families. We will be back in the new year and look forward to bring you new guests that will help provide you with tips, ideas and more about how to connect, engage and raise your daughters to be strong, independent women. See you in the new year! If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today! Quick LinksGet Embed PlayerShare on SocialDownload Audio File  

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you Matt Meline, father, founder and CEO of PrairieFire Wealth Planning. Today Matt and I talk about fatherhood, being in a blended family and about his new book entitled: Empty Nest, Full Pockets: How to Emotionally and Financially Prepare for Your Family's Future.  With his 30 years of experience, Matt Meline founded PrairieFire during his own empty nester journey in 2019. Inspired by the idea of a prairie fire sparking new growth by clearing remnants of the past, Matt's approach helps families strip away old financial beliefs and preconceptions so they can focus on the goals that matter most with a clear, renewed sense of purpose.  About the Book Your grown children are ready for the next stage of their life—but are you? With a helping hand from a dad who's done it, you can prepare for your transition from full-time parent to empty nester and set your family up for a successful future. In Empty Nest, Full Pockets, get the expert help you need to navigate the financial uncertainties as parents of university-bound children and the growing pains of life as empty nesters. You'll discover: The balance between staying engaged in your children's lives and encouraging their independence. How to reevaluate your new financial priorities. Strategies for paying tuition without student loans—while still saving for your retirement. How your deep-seated financial values affect your decision-making. Tips to positively influence your child's financial Your grown teens are leaving the nest, and it's time for you to focus on your new life. With Empty Nest, Full Pockets, learn the secrets to financial security and plan for your future today. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you Kenneth Braswell, father and CEO of Fathers Incorporated. Fathers Incorporated is a national and international nonprofit organization supporting fathers, practitioners, researchers, and policymakers and is working to ensure that fathers contribute to the healthy well-being of their children. Kenneth Braswell is an authority on Fatherhood and Fatherhood Initiatives in the United States whose work has appeared in The New York Times and The Washington Post. He serves as the National Director of the National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse (NRFC), a federally-funded national resource for fathers, practitioners, programs/Federal grantees, states, and the public at-large who are serving or interested in supporting strong fathers and families. He is also the author of several children's books, curricula for practitioners as well as a documentarian. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you Robert Farrington, father and known as America's Millennial Money Expert® and America's Student Loan Debt Expert™. He is also the founder of The College Investor, which is the #1 resource for helping millennials get out of student loan debt and start building real wealth for their future. Today I talked to Robert about his experience as a father but also about what parents can do to help prepare their kids for college. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring you Jaime Hansen, founder of alley-oop, a brand new company working to leverage the unique connection between dads and daughters to help fuel girls' power and influence. I talk to Jamie Hansen about the vision for alley-oop and some of the unique things that dads can do to be able to create these strong bonds with their daughters. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast we bring back Jim Young to talk about his new book, Expansive Intimacy: How "Tough Guys" Defeat Burnout. In our conversation we talk frankly about burnout and what dads can do to combat this and become stronger in the end. In Expansive Intimacy: How “Tough Guys” Defeat Burnout, Jim Young explores the rules of masculinity that force men into a false choice: either face shame by embracing their inner desires for meaningful connection, or invite burnout by following the harsh rules that require men to shun emotions and emphasize achievement. With both levity and gravity, Jim walks us through his years-long journey through burnout, along with stories and lessons of how other men have boldly escaped burnout by embracing a new way to be tough—through Expansive Intimacy. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast I talk with Reena Friedman Watts and her father Wayne from the Better Call Daddy Podcast. We not only talk about the podcast they are doing together, but also, I talk to Wayne about being a father of two daughters. Better Call Daddy is for people who love stories. Hosted by the talented Reena Friedman Watts, everyone from influential players to phone sex workers are featured on the show. Nothing is censored here. Each episode, Reena will interview a person of interest, and her father will chime in with his advice afterwards. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Are you a Connected Dad? Why is being connected with your kids important? Brian Anderson sits down with Brock and Danny to talk about his new book on this topic. You can also find more info about Fathering Together at https://fatheringtogether.org/ Order his book through Amazon https://a.co/d/djskBlf Kentucky Coal Miner Dad Story https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/oct/28/kentucky-wildcats-coal-miner-basketball-viral-photo-calipari --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/homedadchat/message

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast, I talk with Dr. Michael King, author of Dad Spelled Backwards: A Journey Through the Maze of Love, Marriage, and Adoption. Mike had never thought much about getting married and becoming a father, but all that changed when, in his fifties, he met Gabriella, his lovely (and much younger) French wife. Together they decide to try to become parents, and they do all they can to make a baby—to the point where Mike wonders if one can die from too much sex.   This candid account by a husband and father is insightful, moving, fiercely funny—and ultimately a testament to unconditional love. Mike tells his story of how, wanting to make his wife happy after realizing that they couldn't successfully conceive a child, he reluctantly agrees to move on to the next phase of potential parenthood—adoption. Unfortunately, domestic adoption is often a long, costly process that takes couples on a roller-coaster ride from hope to despair and back again. Mike recounts how he and Gabriella were connected with one pregnant woman after another until they were finally given a baby, only to have to give the infant back when the birth mom changed her mind. This left them so emotionally drained that they had to decide whether the price of becoming parents was too high and whether it was time to give up.   Such heartbreak might have driven other couples apart, but Gabriella and Mike only became closer; their love for one another grew even stronger, and they did at last get to be parents. “I hope this book inspires people who want to, or are considering whether to, become parents,” Mike says. “We all face obstacles in life, but if love prevails, it's worth the struggle.”   You'll laugh and cry with Gaby and Mike in this heartwarming story of one man's journey into happy marriage and fatherhood.   Dr. Mike King, comedian and pediatric dentist, has built his practice in an unusual way: to relax the kids, he incorporates comedy and magic tricks into his treatment. He has written two children's books, Flossopher and the Brushing Trees and Enamel the Camel. Entertaining is in Mike's blood: His dad owned Sid King's Crazy Horse Bar in Denver, Colorado. In the 1970s and '80s, it was one of the most popular burlesque houses West of the Mississippi, so it was just a matter of time before Mike began to perform for grown-ups. In the comedy-club circuit he's known as “The Fifth Dentist”—you know—“Four out of five dentists recommend sugarless gum." Mike appears regularly at Broadway Comedy Club, New York Comedy Club, and Gotham Comedy Club. His musical, The Lap Dance Kid, is in production, and he's also written a one-man show. Mike's greatest joy is spending time with his wife and their daughter. They live in New York City. For more information, visit www.MikeKingWrites.com. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast I talk with Gary Freeman, founder of Major League Dad, an organization that is promoting holistic fatherhood and creating a society where men are equipped with the needed tools to own their self-worth, be intentional and available for their families, and be phenomenal Fathers. We take time to talk about his own experience of being a father of two daughters, but also take time to talk about the nonprofit that he started called Major League Dad. If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Todays Guest is Brian Anderson. He is a Husband, father, and co-founder & executive director for Fathering Together, a non-profit empowering dads to be agents for positive change. He has 8 years under his belt with fatherhood and over fifteen years with servant leadership. Today Brian wants to share his message with people and encourage them on their journey of growth. IN this Episode we discus;

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast I talk with Christopher Brown, President at National Fatherhood Initiative® where the organization is equipping communities and human service organizations with the father-engagement training, programs, and resources to be father-inclusive. We talk about his own experience as a father of two daughters as well as the great work that the National Fatherhood Initiative®has been doing for many years! If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast I bring you former NFL quarterback, Jeff Kemp. Jeff Kemp has teamed up with Fatherhood CoMission as an ambassador to help inspire leaders and influencers to champion Fatherhood and to help dads be difference makers in their families and the world. Jeff talks about his own journey as a dad of sons but also as a grandad of daughters. He also talks about the importance of community and creating a "huddle" of trusted friends. He has even created a Men Huddle Quickstart Playbook to do just that! If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Today on the Dads with Daughters Podcast I bring back the co-founder of Fathering Together, Brian Anderson as he talks about his new book: Fathering Together: Living a Connected Dad Life. We talk about the journey that he has been on over the last 18 months cultivating stories from other dads to help dads live an amazing connected life.   In Fathering Together: Living a Connected Dad Life, author Brian Anderson captures the stories of dozens of dads who are striving for healthier and stronger relationships. Their stories highlight a new narrative for fatherhood, one based in servant-leadership that goes beyond the stereotypical role of “breadwinner.” Challenging yourself to step beyond the traditional narratives of fatherhood can be frightening, but there is comfort in knowing there is a large community of dads with the same goals. Read Fathering Together and join the community at www.fatheringtogether.org. Find Out More About The Book! If you've enjoyed today's episode of the Dads With Daughters podcast we invite you to check out the Fatherhood Insider. The Fatherhood Insider is the essential resource for any dad that wants to be the best dad that he can be. We know that no child comes with an instruction manual and most are figuring it out as they go along. The Fatherhood Insider is full of valuable resources and information that will up your game on fatherhood. Through our extensive course library, interactive forum, step-by-step roadmaps and more you will engage and learn with experts but more importantly with dads like you. So check it out today!

Tim opens up the podcast commenting on his mission in raising Zoe, showing her how not what to think. Brian Anderson joins the pod to talk about his own experience raising his daughters Clare and Natalie and his desire to help all Dads with Daughters. We talk about his new book just released called Fathering Together:  Living a Connected Dad life available digitally for $0.99 on Kindles and ebooks https://amzn.to/3q7gbxT. Brian touches on how he learned to be expressive with his love from his parents.  He talks about how leading and religious Interfaith effort has helped him in being a Dad. We talk about how he navigates the inevitable conflict between his two very different daughters.  And he tells a deep and momentous moment where his young daughter became his teacher by speaking her truth. You can find out more about Brian and his coaching for dads and an excellent overall resource at https://fatheringtogether.org/. And interestingly he's business partners with a season 1 guest Christopher Lewis who he started the largest Dads of Daughters Facebook on the site. Here's the pod with Christopher:  https://rebrand.ly/Christopher-Lewis Please buy tickets to see Tim's one person play The Father Daughter Dance in San Francisco on Nov 11&12 here:  https://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-father-daughter-dance-tickets-344442194877

Brian Anderson of Fathering Together joins the podcast today, shining a light on the power of community and why community pairs so well with movement making and business building.

Brian Anderson is a husband and father to two spirited daughters that keep me inspired and exhausted every day. Prior to co-founding Fathering Together, Brian has worked as a social worker, community organizer, university chaplain and interfaith leadership development consultant. As the Co-Founder and Executive Director of Fathering Together, Brian brings those experiences to empower fathers to be agents for positive change. When not working, Brian serves as an amateur chef to his family and working on his forthcoming book: Fathering Together that provides a roadmap for fathers using servant leadership as a guide.

Hosted by Andrew Keen, Keen On features conversations with some of the world's leading thinkers and writers about the economic, political, and technological issues being discussed in the news, right now. In this episode, Andrew is joined by Kate Mangino, author of Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home. Kate Mangino is a gender expert who works with international organizations to promote social change. She has written and delivered curricula in over 20 countries about issues such as: gender equality, women's empowerment, healthy masculinity, HIV prevention, and early and forced childhood marriage. Mangino is a technical advisor and regular contributor to Fathering Together. Her writing can be found on Scary Mommy, Medium, and Substack. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If chores are divided unequally in your household, blame societal norms. Kate Mangino is a gender expert and regular contributor to Fathering Together, and she joins host Krys Boyd to discuss how we can establish household equity through examining cultural expectations. Plus, we'll hear practical tips for sharing the load. Her book is “Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home.”

Brian Anderson is a husband and father to two spirited daughters that keep him inspired and exhausted every day. In his professional life, he has been a social worker, community organizer, university chaplain and interfaith leadership development consultant. As the Co-Founder and Executive Director of Fathering Together, he brings those experiences to empowering fathers to be agents for social change. He has worked with dads from a variety of backgrounds to help them achieve deeper relationships with their families and connections in their work and communities. He wears many hats, specifically as a coach for dads, spiritual director, community organizer and non-profit leader. In our conversation today, we will be covering the start of the Fathering Together non-profit, his book “Fathering Together: One dad's journey to building a village and the current “This Working Dad cares” campaign. As I am a big believer that unpaid care work is for everyone, I was really appreciative that Brian shared some insights from his attendance at the recent Power Plus Summit at the Institute for Women's Policy Research.   How to connect with Brian: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/briananderson80/ https://www.linkedin.com/company/fathering-together/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fatheringtogether/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/FatherTogether Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/fatheringtogether   What we spoke about: 3:11 Start of Fathering Together 6:55 Most surprising aspect of Fathering Together 10:41 Fathering Together Book 15:02 Transferable Skills 18:45 "This Working Dad Cares" campaign 26:15 Future of Work in 5-10 years   If you would like to support the podcast: Ko-fi Account: Ko-fi.com/karintischler   How to connect with Karin Tischler, producer and podcast host of "Job Sharing and Beyond", and founder of Emily's Path Consulting (EPC): Website: https://emilyspath.ca/  LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/karin-tischler/ Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/jobsharingandbeyond/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/JobsharingByond Twitter: https://twitter.com/karin_tischler Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karintischlerbc/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/emilyspathca/?viewAsMember=true

PRE-ORDER: My Dad's Advice At 5:04 AM https://blendingthefamily.com/products/   My guest is the Co-Founder of Fathering Together, Brian Anderson. He has a new book titled "Fathering Together." Bio Brian Anderson is a husband and father to two spirited daughters that keep me inspired and exhausted every day. Prior to co-founding Fathering Together, Brian worked as a social worker, community organizer, university chaplain, and interfaith leadership development consultant. As the Co-Founder and Executive Director of Fathering Together, Brian brings those experiences to empower fathers to be agents for positive change. When not working, Brian serves as an amateur chef for his family and works on his forthcoming book: Fathering Together which provides a roadmap for fathers using servant leadership as a guide.   LINKS: Web — Facebook — Twitter — Instagram — LinkedIn     Book info: https://bit.ly/FTBookPreSale     But here's an excerpt:   The Book Last year, my daughter told me she didn't like me anymore. It is something no parent wants to hear. In that moment, I knew nothing I could say would fix it. I'd broken her trust, and it would take time for me to rebuild and strengthen our bond. In Fathering Together, this story from my life and personal narratives from fellow dads illustrate the changing landscape of fatherhood. The old archetype of dads being breadwinners doesn't cut it anymore. We must be so much more. Thankfully, Robert Greenleaf's servant leadership model provides an answer. Driven by personal narratives from my fellow dads plus research and resources, each chapter creates a roadmap for deeper engagement with your family, your community, and yourself.  In the book, you'll hear from dads who've been there, failed, and succeeded, such as: Ted who went on a personal retreat with his partner to mentally and spiritually prepare for fatherhood. Victor who's quiet son inspired him to relearn how to get the most from life. Matt who is learning new levels of allyship is for his child who identifies as trans* Ultimately, Fathering Together is a nonfiction book that speaks to new and older dads who want to reimagine fatherhood and the relationships they have with those who matter most. & The Movement   Fathering Together is not just a book title. It is a 501c3 non-profit organization dedicated to empowering dads to be agents for positive change. This book is filled with personal narratives from our members and strategies based on their experiences as seen through the model of Servant Leadership created by Robert Greenleaf in the 1960s. Greenleaf intended for his model to be used within business leadership, but its value translates to fatherhood perfectly. Therefore, I'm breaking the book into 3 parts. In Part 1, "Exploring Who Dads Were and Who They Can Be," I outline how past models of fatherhood left so many dads incomplete and disconnected from their families. Then, I shift focus to highlight new models that are emerging and dads who are leading with relationships and emotional connections. In Part 2, "Applying Tenets of Servant Leadership to Fatherhood," I break down Greenleaf's model with personal narratives and stories from my community to show how to shift your mindset and lean into emotional connection. In Part 3, "The Power of Community," I illustrate how we build communities of support, accountability, and vulnerability that work toward equity. Through this model, we can acknowledge our challenges and create strategies for growth and success with our children.   My question before you go. What are you looking forward to tomorrow? Please subscribe to my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFhju6cCeHC9xphoWbN3frA Tommy has spoken at TEDx, Ignite Fort Collins, and Keynote Speaker at Everything Dad Convention. He even has won speaking awards through Toastmasters International.    The author of the book "25 Tips For Divorced Dads." "Why not you, "Why Not Me" and His"new dad's, "My Dad's Advice "t 5:04 AM," are coming out in 2021. He has written for The Good Men Project, Modern Gladiator, and Nurture Magazine. Plus, he has been a guest writer.   Tommy enjoys a good red blend while writing or hiding from the family. A dad to Betsy, Becca, Connor, and Duke (RIP), Otis. A husband to Ann.  Podcast music by Twisterium / freebackgroundtracks.net Contact him at  Tommy@BlendingTheFamily.com   TEDx Talk: https://youtu.be/azG2K47iz4Q    Blog: http://blendingthefamily.com/blog/    Podcast: http://blendingthefamily.libsyn.com/    Apple Podcasts: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/tommy-maloney/id958223196?mt=2    Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/tommy-maloney/blending-the-family    Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetommymaloney    The Good Men Project: https://goodmenproject.com/author/tommy-maloney/ Medium: https://medium.com/@thetommymaloney Calendly: calendly.com/thomasdmaloneyjr   Anyone considering suicide should contact the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or chat with someone live on its Website.                

Michelle Travis: Michelle Travis is a law professor at the University of San Francisco School of Law, where she serves as the Co-Director of USF's Labor and Employment Law Program. She is an expert on employment discrimination law, gender stereotypes, and work/family integration. She has a J.D. from Stanford Law School and a B.A. in psychology from Cornell University. Michelle's recent research focuses on male allyship for gender equity. She serves on the Board of Directors of the non-profit, Fathering Together, which supports engaged fatherhood around the globe. She is the author of the award-winning book, Dads For Daughters, which is a guide for fathers who want to become stronger advocates for gender equity in their homes, workplaces, and communities. She has also written a picture book, My Mom Has Two Jobs, which has garnered multiple children's literature awards. Michelle grew up in Colorado and now lives in the Bay Area with her husband and two daughters, as well as a feisty chinchilla and a mischievous goldendoodle. She is a former collegiate gymnast, a novice ballerina, and an avid non-fiction reader. https://michelletravis.net/   My question before you go. What are you looking forward to tomorrow? Please subscribe to my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFhju6cCeHC9xphoWbN3frA Tommy has spoken at TEDx, Ignite Fort Collins, and Keynote Speaker at Everything Dad Convention. He even has won speaking awards through Toastmasters International.    The author of the book "25 Tips For Divorced Dads." "Why not you, "Why Not Me" and His"new dad's, "My Dad's Advice "t 5:04 AM," are coming out in 2021. He has written for The Good Men Project, Modern Gladiator, and Nurture Magazine. Plus, he has been a guest writer.   Tommy enjoys a good red blend while writing or hiding from the family. A dad to Betsy, Becca, Connor, and Duke (RIP), Otis. A husband to Ann.  Podcast music by Twisterium / freebackgroundtracks.net Contact him at  Tommy@BlendingTheFamily.com   TEDx Talk: https://youtu.be/azG2K47iz4Q    Blog: http://blendingthefamily.com/blog/    Podcast: http://blendingthefamily.libsyn.com/    Apple Podcasts: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/tommy-maloney/id958223196?mt=2    Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/tommy-maloney/blending-the-family    Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetommymaloney    The Good Men Project: https://goodmenproject.com/author/tommy-maloney/ Medium: https://medium.com/@thetommymaloney Calendly: calendly.com/thomasdmaloneyjr   Anyone considering suicide should contact the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or chat with someone live on its Website.    

Guest  Philip Mott Philip is a former elementary school teacher who now offers parenting advice for busy and frustrated parents. He and his wife home school their three young children. He's a regular contributor to Fathering Together and First Time Parent Magazine. www.philipmott.com www.fatheringtogether.org https://www.firsttimeparentmagazine.com You can also hear an interview with him on the podcast Front Row Dads. There are two parts:    Part One   https://frontrowdads.com/philip-mott-part-1/     Part Two   https://frontrowdads.com/philip-mott-part-2/ He is interviewed by Living Joyfully With Unschooling on the Exploring Unschooling podcast. View here on YouTube:  SHOW NOTES: In today's episode Jenna and Philip have an open and honest conversation about how each of their households handles things like screen time, bedtime and other common hurdles in unschooling.  Before we begin Jenna reminds listeners that she is always looking for new topics and questions you would like to hear addressed on the podcast. For instance, would you like to hear more from Jenna herself, more experts, other ideas? Also, remember to please leave a review as this helps grow the community.    Jenna begins the interview by asking Philip to explain his journey into self-directed learning.  Philip says that he began reading a lot about child development, student engagement, and why students are not fully engaged. He realized that he was becoming the teacher he himself would not have wanted when he was a student. His experience in school was not a good one which was one reason he wanted to become a teacher himself. At that time he felt he had fallen into an authoritarian role. After doing some reading he began to try to make his classroom more child centered. But he says that the writings of Magda Gerber,  a parent child advocate who founded the  Resources for Infant Educarers usually referred to as RIE, was a great inspiration for him. He found this resource when his child was thirteen months old and followed her advice on letting the child lead in play and learning. He had always followed a self-directed path in his own learning but hadn't made the connection that it would be the same for even very young children. He and his wife were surprised and pleased that a child that young could be so self-directed. This was when they became hooked on self-directed learning and knew that they wanted that for their family.      Jenna notes that she is always surprised at how many educators there are who have an epiphany and says that she can relate to the feeling of becoming that teacher that you don't want to be. She says that it felt uncomfortable and wrong but was brought on by stress and expectations which were out of her control. Philip agrees and says that when he was teaching fifth grade at an online school he was on a team that kept him from implementing some of the things he wanted to try. He did create a program he called ‘Connect' in which he would engage with students in order to build a relationship beyond just academics. He tracked grades during this time and saw that the extra engagement with his students did improve their interest and success in class. But, it still didn't make up for the fact that trying to teach everyone the same thing at the same time was really not working. The curriculum keeps teachers bound to a timeline teaching specific skills at specific times.  Jenna asks if there is in his opinion any time that any one skill MUST be learned. Philip says that it is less about when or even what is absolutely needed to be known or learned, but is much more imperative that the child not be made to feel inadequate if they fail to learn something at the time we expect them to learn it. Even if parents don't criticize or punish their child for not learning a skill, they receive the message of unworthiness from standardized testing, the grading system etc.  Jenna mentions that some teachers put the scores on the board following a test. She wonders if this is supposed to motivate the students. Philip says he wonders if it has become more valuable to beat another person rather than to learn and nurture relationships. He says that some of the philosophical reasoning within racism and feminism can teach about children and learning. He mentions the book ‘For Her Own Good' by Barbara Ehrenreich and Deirdre English. The book addresses the wife having no say, and kids often find themselves in the same position. A power over vs power with mentality. Jenna mentions a podcast episode by Brene Brown, where she discusses the Power Over vs Power With paradigm.  Jenna goes on to ask Philip if is familiar with Peter Gray's assertion that language is the only subject that must be learned by age four and does he agree.   Philip says that in his own experience it has been the case that timelines on learning are very individual. He gives the example of his own learning. As he said before he was not a good student even in high school. But, in college he was ready to learn and did well. He supposes that exposure to one's native language would most likely occur naturally.  Jenna says she was speaking with a friend recently and they brought up the fact that as students they didn't learn much about technology as it hadn't been invented yet. Now, everytime new tech comes along they all learn to use it. An example of learning when the need occurs.            Philip mentions that people are even learning things about how things were done ages ago. There are many YouTube channels dedicated to learning skills and tasks of old. Jenna mentions a project in Germany where they've used  period-appropriate tools, materials, and techniques.   Jenna points out that the driving force in self-directed learning is curiosity.    Philip states that within their home school ‘Curiosity is the Curriculum' is their motto. An example he gives of a typical day is this. His kids are really into Pokemon right now. So, they will watch an episode or two and then go downstairs to the basement and act it out. His older son has learned all of the characters, cards, hit points etc. He is using a lot of skills including math. He advises parents to stop and observe what kids are doing and be able to see and recognize that their learning is fun and they are using valuable skills.  Jenna mentions that she has observed her kids especially on excursions and that natural conversations occur that inspire learning. As a teacher she could see the learning but it was very subtle. With her son, his big interest at the moment is video games. He has learned by trying and failing and trying again. As he improved and learned organizational skills as well as the tech, he now shares his skills on Twitch. He learned a lot of soft skills that could one day be applied to a career. Academics she says can be learned and proven, whereas soft skills are more fluid.  Philip agrees that academics have all these benchmarks and soft skills are harder to master. Even though Jenna's son is showing leadership skills, there may be times when he doesn't take a leadership role and that's okay. He goes on to talk about labeling kids. One label he hears a lot is regarding ‘the strong-willed child.' Once you decide your child is strong-willed, you tend to see everything they do through that lens. He wonders how it helps a parent to label a child strong-willed. While they may have been strong-willed yesterday, he believes we should give our loved ones a new chance everyday.          Jenna says this reminds her of a podcast she listened to by Blake Boles interviewing Naomi Fisher on the topic of Nature vs Nurture. Perhaps it is the dynamic between parent and child. For instance maybe the parent is very authoritative and that impacts the child's behavior. It goes both ways and can be very different between children within the same household.  Philip says it is impossible to be the same parent to all of his kids. His kids are very different people.    Jenna mentions that she isn't even the same person around her different groups of friends, so of course it makes sense that it is impossible to parent each child exactly the same way.    Philip says that his wife came back from the store one day and said that she needed to remember what it was like to shop with a three year old. This conversation reminded him that we even tend to label age groups of children. We put expectations of behavior and more on them. He says we need to look at it more individually. This is not A child, this is MY child. She isn't a problem, she is having a problem.    Jenna agrees and says that it might be you that is projecting and actually creating a problem. Everyone has good and bad days.    Philip says we need to not be hard on ourselves as parents, since there are no ‘perfect' parents.    Jenna says that within self-directed learning there is a tendency to strive for peacefulness and avoid conflict at all costs. She asks Philip's thoughts on this.    Philip states that there are only two things in their household that they are firm on. Bedtime and Screen Time. As for bedtime they have ‘room time.' The kids have to spend time in their rooms at night, but there is no requirement as to when they actually go to sleep.    Jenna says that for her, sleep is a number one priority. In her household with her kids, as they are older, and with some experimentation they agreed that everyone would be in bed by 9:30 PM. They don't have to go to sleep, but they need to be quiet.    Philip says he really likes that Jenna discussed her need for sleep with her kids and asked her kids to help her out with that.           Jenna prompts Philip for his thoughts on screen time.     Philip states that he and his wife didn't initially agree on this subject. (She wanted to limit it.) Now that his kids no longer have nap time, this has become Screen Time. They also have another screen time session in the evening. Although it is limited, it has not been a problem. Screens are now part of our culture and kids will most certainly be using them a lot in their futures.    Jenna says she is glad that he and his wife were able to negotiate as it demonstrates what everyone goes through. Parents are hardly ever in complete agreement on every issue. For her family they had years of limited screen time. She says she wouldn't change that because it is impossible to explain to a two or five year old how video games are designed to be addictive. Now that her kids are older, she can discuss it at a higher level. Her son now spends the majority of his time on a screen since his main interests include gaming, tech related everything, 2D animation, 3D modeling, YouTube, Twitch etc. If she sees that he is losing interest in all of the other things he loves such as basketball, rock climbing and swimming, then it would be time to have a conversation with him. She says that one of the superpowers of self-directed parents is that they know their children so well that they notice more when something is off.     Philip discusses the fact that even if a self-directed parent were concerned they wouldn't panic or try to solve the problem on their own. They would as Jenna stated have a conversation with the child and participate together in a solution.    Jenna and Philip wrap up the interview by agreeing that there are so many variables in play. Personalities, ages, etc. There is no rulebook. Parents have to be kind to themselves and their children.   Jenna asks Philip the four questions that she asks all of her guests:    How do you like to learn? Philip says he really likes to learn in tandem with others. Something like an apprenticeship.  What are you curious about? Philip states that he is currently into meal prep and meal planning. Jenna asks if he has resources for that to share. Philip says that he just pulls things from the pantry and experiments.  Do you have any educational resources that you want to share? Philip says that he has found some great courses through Masterclass               Some of the classes he has tried are Graphic Design, Cooking and Guitar Playing.                What is a book, blog or podcast that you recommend? Philip says that Rogue Learner is of course on the list as well as Teacher Tom, an inspiring, friendly and authentic blog about living and learning with preschoolers.    Helpful Resources Mentioned in Today's Show Philip Mott Fathering Together  https://frontrowdads.com/philip-mott-part-1/ https://frontrowdads.com/philip-mott-part-2/ Exploring Unschooling podcast - YouTube Magda Gerber For Her Own Good Brené Brown on Leadership and Power Masterclass Teacher Tom   Ways to Connect Join me on the Show! Leave a voicemail! Email me: contact.roguelearner@gmail.com Facebook  Instagram Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/rogue-learner/id1543224038 Google Play: https://podcasts.google.com/search/rogue%20learner Spotify: https://roguelearner.libsyn.com/spotify YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdCocbWsxxAMSbUObiCQXPg Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/show/rogue-learner

Christopher Lewis hosts the "Dads with Daughters" podcast.  In January, Chris interviewed my twin brother and I regarding our routes to fatherhood.  This is a rebroadcast of his show.  Thank you, Chris!SHOW NOTESDads with Daughters PodcastFathering TogetherSupport the show (https://rechoicepod.com/patreon-virtual-tip-jar/)

This heartfelt and often funny conversation, Mark, Charles and Brian share stories about the new co-created ways of fathering that healthy masculinity gives rise to. This emergent fatherhood of playful collaboration is leading to more agentic, empowered children and happier more relaxed parents. Brian Anderson is a husband and father to two spirited daughters that keep him inspired and exhausted every day. He started Fathering Together to provide a community for connection and education for fathers everywhere. Prior to Fathering Together, Brian Anderson has been a social worker, university chaplain, and interfaith leadership consultant, but he always knew he wanted to be a dad. You can find Brian on most social media. @FatheringTogether • Twitter • Instagram The Fathering Together website. The Fathering Together Podcast *** As a writer, speaker and consultant, Mark Greene has spent over a decade deconstructing our binary-riddled dialogues around manhood and masculinity. He consults to organizations world wide on diversity, inclusion and masculinity. Mark is the author of The Little #MeToo Book for Men, Remaking Manhood and is co-author with Dr. Saliha Bava of The Relational Book for Parenting. You can learn more about Mark's work at RemakingManhood.com Charles Matheus is an educator and public speaker who has mentored hundreds of men in communication, leadership, & emotional growth. You can learn more about his work at CharlesMatheus.com and/or by requesting to join the Facebook Group, Redefining Strength. Contact: mark@remakingmanhood.com charles@charlesmatheus.com Theme music composed by Gus Greene. Click here for links to his music on most streaming services.

Michelle Travis is a law professor at the University of San Francisco School of Law, where she co-directs USF's Work Law and Justice Program. Michelle is an expert on employment discrimination law, gender stereotypes, and work/family integration. She is a founding member of the Work and Family Researchers Network and serves on the Board of Directors of the nonprofit Fathering Together. Michelle's latest book, Dads For Daughters, is a guide for engaging male allies in support of gender equity. Michelle has also authored an award-winning children's picture book, My Mom Has Two Jobs, which celebrates working moms. This episode focuses in particular how men and fathers can help the world to get to gender equity faster. Michelle provides insightful practical tips and examples how to do this from her book research and advocacy work in general.   How to connect with Michelle: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelle-a-travis/ Website: https://michelletravis.net/dads-for-daughters/   What we talked about in the episode: 3:02 Michelle professional background 4:15 Flexible work 8:18 Why did she write her two books? 13:01 Practical advice from Michelle's book "Dads for Daughters" 1. Dads for Daughters campaign https://dads4daughters.uk/what-is-dads4daughters/ 19:08 2. Flip it to test it https://flipittotestit.com/ 22:46 Flexible work champions 30:29 Fathering Together https://www.fatheringtogether.org/     If you would like to support the podcast: Ko-fi Account: Ko-fi.com/karintischler Buy me a coffee Account: https://buymeacoffee.com/KarinTischler   How to connect with Karin Tischler, producer and podcast host of "Job Sharing and Beyond", and founder of Emily's Path Consulting (EPC): Website: https://emilyspath.ca/  LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/karin-tischler/ Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/jobsharingandbeyond/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/JobsharingByond Twitter: https://twitter.com/karin_tischler Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karintischlerbc/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/emilyspathca/?viewAsMember=true Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/EmilysPathConsulting  

On this week's pod, our interview with the co-founders of Fathering Together, a non-profit and parenting hub that's building a supportive community for all kinds of fathers. Plus, Matt's kid foretells of his impending death and Tim shares a story of a family activity gone horribly wrong. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/better-off-dad-pod/message

Chris Lewis joins us today to discuss his life as a father of two daughters, a 17 and a 13-year-old. Chris is the co-founder of Fathering Together, which runs the largest Facebook group for Dads and Daughters with nearly 130,000 members. As someone who has worked with thousands of Fathers, and has raised two daughters of his own, Chris has some invaluable lessons to share with us. Tune in to hear Chris discuss how he grew Fathering Together, how he takes on the challenges of raising two daughters who are at different stages of their youth, the communication styles that work best with children and many more topics to help you get an upper hand on your parenting. Here's a glance at what you'll learn from Chris in this episode:  The challenges of raising two daughters who are at different stages in their youth The history of Fathering Together and how it grew to 130,000 members Creating a space for men to share feelings they typically wouldn't discuss face to face Should parents communicate to children like they're adults? Why you should teach children to advocate for themselves How your parenting style differs for introverted vs extroverted children Why you should plan for the future milestones of your children's growth Timestamps:  0:00 – Introduction 0:25 – Who is Dr Christopher Lewis 1:25 – Pronouncing/spelling names correctly 5:20 – Encouraging daughters to ask for what they want 6:40 – Progress made from making The Father Daughter Dance 9:30 – Chris's Background: Family, Podcast, Facebook Group 11:20 – The growth of Fathering Together 18:30 – Chris's upbringing: Only child, parents' careers, parenting style 21:45 – How children learn through multi-generational lessons 24:50 – Being there for your children 28:30 – Letting children advocate for themselves 34:20 – The differences in raising introverted vs extroverted children 42:00 – Knowing how to approach conversations 44:10 – Keeping a beginner's mind 46:45 – Creating a safe space to be vulnerable 50:30 – Planning what to work on in your parenting 53:45 – What's next for Chris? 58:50 – Dancing skills 1:01:30 – Where you can connect with Chris Episode Resources: Fathering Together Website: https://www.fatheringtogether.org/ Dads With Daughters Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/dadsdaughters/ Dads With Daughters on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dadwdaughter/ Dads With Daughters Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/3xa38wUX1TmDJqTcRoZjG5 Dad of Divas: http://www.dadofdivas.com/  Podcast Links: Website: https://thefatherdaughterdance.libsyn.com/website Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/the-father-daughter-dance/id1556215258 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7jb7DO3009t2GOjsTRCwOz Email: thefatherdaughterdancepod@gmail.com