Podcasts about goatse

Miracle On Route 34: Part 2 Virginia and Santa face extreme danger together. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Someone attacked Santa with a wicked-looking spiked hand-axe, something out of a sci-fi movie. He batted the weapon aside and clapped his open hands across the man's ears, busting his brain. Before he dropped, Santa grabbed the corpse and swung it around in a wide arc, smashing it into the foes surrounding him and knocking them back. "Shit!" Ginny squealed as one of the targets landed near her. "It's like the fucking Matrix in here!" As he threw the corpse away, he paused very briefly and glanced at her. "Since you happen to be right there, how about a little mood music?" "What?" "I'm just saying some music would be nice if we're going to be doing this," he called. "You're next to the entertainment system, how about putting something on?" "You’re shitting me, right?" she almost complained, wincing as she heard something delicate-sounding and expensive smash behind her amidst the wild brawl. She stared at the multimedia system, flapping her arms in frustration as she tried to focus through the noise. This couldn't be happening. She clutched the sleeves of her plush robe for a moment, trying to concentrate on its soft, fuzzy texture and center herself. She'd almost forgotten the large nerf gun in her hands but ignored it now, fixing her gaze on the mp3 playlist. She pressed a button. "Silent night; Holy night;" Bing crooned through the room. "Not really what I had in mind!" Santa mentioned loudly as he rammed his knee into a man's chin. "Try again!" Ginny bit her lip and pressed the button again, this time rewarded with Gary Glitter singing 'Another Rock And Roll Christmas'. "Still not quite there," he said as he snapmared another foe. "Better, but not quite!" "Well I don't know!" she shouted in exasperation. "What kind of music do you put on while Santa kills things in your living room?" Santa turned sideways and thrust his foot out, kicking an intruder in the chest and sending him sprawling backwards, rolling head over heels until he thumped into the entertainment system, jolting it and skipping the player. "I am a bitch. How do you want me? From behind, or on my knees? I am a slut, please hold me down, I'll be your noise, This shit will fuck you up!" "Perfect!" he declared as he fought, swarmed once again by foes. "Seriously?" Ginny yelled. "Combichrist is Santa's fucking fighting groove?" "I'm trying to figure out why you have it on your playlist," Santa replied. "I don't remember you liking aggrotech!" "Why the hell do you of all people even know what it is?" she shot back, wincing as she watched another body sail into the opposite wall with a sickening crunch before dropping to the floor and leaving a huge, crumbling dent in the stone. 'This Shit Will Fuck You Up!' "I prefer the term 'Hellektro' myself," he added. "And I know all songs, silly. I remember when the Dayglo Abortions wrote that 'Hey Santa!' song back in the '80's, they didn't get presents for” "I didn't ask, why are you answering?" she hissed. "Kill! Kill!" All the while, the pounding rhythms of the music filled the room. "I am a bitch. How do you want me? From behind, or on my knees? I am a slut, please hold me down, I'll be your noise, This shit will fuck you up!" "Well, at least we know why it's on your playlist, anyway!" he mentioned as he broke someone's back over his knee. "Very funny, red man!" Ginny hissed, scowling. She ducked wildly as another assailant flew overhead and landed in the Jacuzzi, his neck slamming against the hard edge with a snap noise and then tilting at a strange angle, his eyes wide and unseeing. "Fucking hell," she muttered. "These guys eat too much red meat!" Santa smashed two heads together before punting a third man in the chest, sending him staggering back until he fell against the entertainment unit, right next to Ginny, his eyes spiraling in his head. She scowled down at him for a moment before smashing the pitcher of nog on his cranium and sending him to the floor. Every single intruder stopped and turned to look at her suddenly, their eyes narrowing and turning very yellow. "Eep;" Ginny said quietly, going pale. They all howled and lunged toward her, even as Santa fought to reach her first. She shrieked in fright. "Darn it, Ginny!" he shouted in what almost sounded like irritation. "I told you not to do anything!" "You said not to use the stupid nerf gun!" she shot back as she dodged wildly and began to run around, evading her pursuers. "I meant don't do anything to get yourself noticed!" he growled as he bulldogged one man's head into the floor. He sprang to his feet and grabbed another man by the back of the head, ramming his face into the stone wall, creating a small crater from which the body slumped only slowly and wetly. "How the hell did they not notice the mostly naked girl in the room?" she yelled, sprinting around the circumference of the room, being chased by yellow-eyed foes. "They're mostly quantum, they don't always perceive real-state things or beings until they're interacted with!" he answered. "They weren't looking for you until you announced yourself!" "Oh, you and your weird physics shit!" she groused, her robe coming more and more undone as she ran. One of her tits was exposed, bouncing annoyingly and the nipple hardening as a cold wind from the endless holes in her walls and windows blew into the room. "Now what?" "Well, since they know you're here, you might as well use the gun," he answered as he tackled a small knot of them who were looking to cut off her avenue of escape. "At least then you can defend yourself if you're careful!" "The fuck am I supposed to do?" she shouted angrily as she clutched the ridiculous, useless gun. "Nerf them to death? Hope I shoot one foam dart down a throat and hope the bastard chokes and dies?" "Didn't you just let me inside all of your orifices?" he pointed out as he spun low, sweeping one foe's feet from under him and then taking him by the ankles to slam him off the floor. "Trust me, Virginia!" "Dammit!" she spat, steeling her nerve, hoping her resolve was harder than her nipple currently was. Taking a deep breath, she stopped running and spun, pointing the gun and pulling the plastic trigger; She yelped in astonishment as coruscating arcs of lightning crackled and lashed out from the muzzle, enveloping several foes, who wailed in glowing agony before disappearing from view. "Jesus H Fucking Tesla!" she exclaimed in amazement as she gaped down at her toy. "Virginia, language!" Santa warned. She rolled her eyes and pointed at another man rushing her, pulling the trigger and watching him explode in a shower of scintillating particles. "This shit will fuck you up!" blared the speakers. The wall splintered next to Ginny and several terrifying creatures barged in, causing her to shriek in fright, they were easily Santa's size, vaguely humanoid but covered in a greyish, segmented carapace, with insectoid heads, evil-looking mandibles and huge claws at the end of four arms. They hissed as the lunged for her. "Fuck fuck fuck!" cried out as she began running. "Fucking hate motherfucking bugs!" She fired wildly behind herself without looking, managing to strike one of the new creatures but only slowing it down. Ginny raced for the stairs, stampeding up them only to find more of the yellow-eyed humanoids waiting for her. "Santa!" she cried out in terror. "Help!" He glanced her way and grimaced at her predicament. "Aw, hell;" With a strength born of the desperation to protect one of his precious children, he surged forward, shoulder-blocking his way through a knot of assailants, springing through the air with astonishing agility, alternately using the wall and railing of the stairs to get to the upper floor, twisting and executing a flying kick that downed a foe about to attack Ginny. "Good thing I wore my enhanced parkour boots tonight, eh?" he muttered as he glared at the foes crowding to get up the stairs or down the hallway at them. "I don't even know what that means." Ginny snapped, backing up warily as the horde coming for them grew in numbers. "If that's some sort of geek speak, then we, are you getting bigger?" "I guess I am," he replied, grimly, glaring at their foes. "I don't expect what I'm saying to make sense, but the other iterations of me, my other selves, they're all coming here, merging with me to help meet the threat." "You're; consolidating?" she asked in disbelief. "That's one way to look at it," he said, his blue eyes flashing. "It's gonna make finishing the Christmas run tight if I get held up here much longer." "Oh, terribly sorry if I'm inconveniencing you, your highness." Ginny said, trying to not sound too snide. He put his body between her and her foes, backing her up against the wall. "They can't come through the wall you're up against, it's the South wall," he said quietly but with a sense of urgency. "You're safe from that angle. You can fire your gun past me or over the rail at the guys down below. Since they're trying to reach you that means they've solidified enough that they can't do crazy things like jump seven meters up to reach you, they'll have to use the stairs." "I thought they were after you." Ginny said hotly. "They were, until you announced yourself with a jug of nog," he pointed out. "Now they want to destroy you to hurt me." "Oh. Sorry." Ginny mumbled somewhat sheepishly. "You can make it up to me later!" he said as he surged forward suddenly, bulling his way through the approaching crowd, clotheslining several at once. Shouts went up and the fight was on again. Santa punched, kicked, elbowed, kneed and wrenched his way through the enemy horde. Ginny swore he was indeed bigger than he had been earlier. His already hard body physique was almost bulging with muscles now, like a California beach bodybuilder. Black blood glistened on his flawless skin as he maimed the attackers. Droplets that hit the carpet sizzled and ate through it, burning the hardwood floor beneath. "No!" Ginny wailed in despair. "Not the hardwood! I loved that feature!" She glared and gritted her teeth as she leaned over the railing and pointed the nerf gun down at the endless crowd on the main floor, pulling the trigger. The crackling arcs of energy enveloped several foes, who wailed and vanished. Same as before, the giant insectoids rarely disappeared but seemed slowed or staggered by the attack. Santa fought his way forward, forcing the attackers back from Ginny. Try as they might, no one got by him, even if it meant that they could strike at him instead. He took their assaults resolutely, using his body as a shield to protect her. Before long, the floor of the hallway was littered with bodies, some barely stirring, others not moving at all. Still, the foes swarmed up the stairs. One of the bug-things swiped at him with its vicious claws and he ducked under the blow before kicking his boot into one of the reverse-jointed legs, snapping it. The bug screeched and tumbled and he leapt onto its back, grabbing hold of one of the large, wet-grey chitinous plates that armored its back and pulled, it tore away with a mushy crack and the beast's keened agony as it shuddered and thrashed. Without pausing, Santa whirled around and slammed the exoskeletal plate across several men's heads, dropping them. Ginny kept firing the nerf tesla gun, wondering what sort of sociopath would invent a deadly weapon that looked like a famous kid's toy. She pushed it from her mind, realizing that she wanted to live and didn't care at the moment about the social mores of the issue. Santa was using the huge chitin plate almost like a shield, driving his foes back with it to the stairs. It finally cracked in half and he punched through the mess, unwilling to give the enemy time to regroup. He spun one man around with a fist across the jaw before grabbing his arms from behind and ramming his knee into the man's back, lifting him off the floor and letting him slam his spine onto the stairs. Without waiting, Santa launched himself through the air, knee raised and smashed it into the face of a man on the stair's corner landing. The foe's head went back through the wall with a loud crunch and he hung there limply, no longer part of the battle. "Ack!" Ginny squawked as the nerf gun sputtered and let out several impotent flashes and then died. "Not now! No no no!" One foe had broken through the cordon and now raced toward her. She yelled loudly and smashed the butt of her nerf gun into his face, staggering him for a moment. She glared at him angrily, waiting for him to fall, but her didn't, so she kicked him in the crotch with her instep. He groaned and sunk to his knees, holding himself. Ginny was practically jumping up and down on top of him by the time he stopped moving. "Stay; the; fuck; down!" she shouted angrily as she turned his ribcage into powder. She failed to notice the one last foe who rushed up behind her. But then Santa was at her side and he delivered a devastating haymaker to the man's thorax. Stunned, the intruder staggered back against the railing. With a growl, Santa grabbed him by the face and ruthlessly bent his back over the railing before leaping over and slamming his elbow across the man's neck as he went down to the main floor. The lifeless form crumpled next to him as he looked around, glaring. No foes remained standing. Aside from the music, all was quiet. "It is safe?" Ginny called from the gallery. "Are the scary guys and bug-thingies all gone?" "No," Santa said warily. "And the next wave is even bigger." "Great!" Ginny complained, tossing the useless nerf gun over the side. "And according to you, there's no one that can help us!" "I didn't say that," he countered, beckoning for her to come down the stairs and be near him for protection. "I just said there was no Easter Bunny." "No Superman either, apparently," she grumbled as she approached him, letting him put a huge arm around her possessively. He was, indeed, bigger than ever. She was practically child-sized next to him now. "So who the hell is there to help us?" "If help's arriving it had better get here soon," he said, taking her to the remains of her big glass bay windows and back door. The wind was howling as snow drove into the living room. What was left of it, anyway. Which was nothing. "It's now or never. Can you see them?" She peered into the darkness outside and a chill ran down her spine, hundreds of red and yellow glowing eyes could be seen in the darkness. And they seemed to be getting closer. "Do; do they see me?" she asked, swallowing nervously. "I'm sure they do," he said, grimacing. "Not going to take a chance and assume they don't. I'll do everything I can to protect you, of course." "Is; is that going to be enough?" She could hear the angry hisses and an evil chanting outside clearly now, getting closer with each moment. It pained Santa that he couldn't lie to her. "I don't know, Virginia." She sighed and smiled weakly. "Well, at least I know there's a Santa Claus now. And he gave me the night of my life before it all ended." He returned the smile, trying to feign a cheerfulness he didn't feel. "I don't;" Ginny faltered, trying to find the words. "I don't suppose that you'd; well; that you'd be willing to kiss me one last time? You know, before the end?" He turned to look down at her, his hands holding her arms with an unreal gentleness and a warmth in his eyes that comforted her even now. "Nothing would make me happier, Virginia." She smiled and closed her eyes. "Merry Christmas, Santa." "Merry Christmas, Virginia;" he said softly as he leaned down to kiss her. Then the night was filled with high-pitched shrieks, a noise that made her eyes snap open. She'd heard noises like that before, once a long time ago in grade school. It sounds like the hissing passage of meteors above, and getting closer. Or what she imagined artillery sounded like when it was incoming, like in all those war movies. Santa's head turned and an almost evil grin crept over his face as he listened. "That's more like it!" he declared, standing tall and pointing at the blackness of the night. "Watch the sky, Virginia;" She looked up and noticed glittering points of light, dozens of them, seeming to get closer. The hissing shriek was indeed their approach and they seemed to be aimed right at them. She felt Santa's hand squeeze on her shoulder, almost in excitement. His blue eyes were blazing ferociously. Finally, what looked like dozens of giant icicles, each larger and longer than a semi, lanced out of the night sky and slammed into the earth around her house, shaking it as they buried their tips in the frozen ground and came to a stop. Several impaled the intruders as they came in, while others kicked up a covering spray of snow as the enemy stopped and looked around in confusion. Then doors or portals opened on the sides of the titan icicles and tall, lithe beings began leaping out of them, wearing weird, form-fitting armor and carrying space-age guns and swords or axes. Their armor and long hair was a riot of colors that was reflected by the snow and ice. Wild, ululating war cries pierced the air. And a savage, bloody battle began on her property. "Who the hell are they?" Ginny almost yelled in astonishment as she watched. They moved with inhuman grace and speed, the ones not wearing helmets revealing long, beautiful facial features that were often frightening because of the wrath they displayed. The helmets were all tall and peaked, showing fearsome designs and glowing eyes. Weird runes pulsed and throbbed with light all over their armor. Guns hissed and shrieked while swords hummed as they slew. "My elves," Santa said, clearly pleased and also eager to fight but not willing to leave her side yet. "They got my call and converged on my position." "Those are elves?" she exclaimed in amazement. "Aren't they cutesy little toy-shop people?" "Cute myth, but no, not these ones," he replied, watching as several elves wearing bone-white armor with feminine features raced past, throwing themselves into a knot of the hulking bugs. They screamed and the masks of their wild-maned helmets gave off vibrations that shook Ginny's teeth in her head as it melted their foes' faces off. "No, a lot of my elves are warriors, meant to help me fight Krampus. They keep Christmas safe with me." "What the hell are they wearing?" she asked in disbelief. How could this weird night get any weirder? Santa sighed. "Truth? They've been spending way too much time playing Warhammer 40k and they; appropriated armor, weapons and tactics from the Eldar faction. They're space elves." "Wow. Gay;" she muttered, shaking her head. "Well, they're certainly earning their keep tonight." He nodded. "Been a long time since Krampus moved against us this hard. Apparently he got bored and was feeling uppity. That or he just forgot what a good thrashing felt like." Ginny watched as three elves, clad in scary black armor and wearing helmets that looked like peaked skulls, marched relentlessly forward, firing little rockets from elaborate launchers they carried in their hands and on suspensor harnesses. The rockets punctured the bugs' chitin shells and exploded inside them, sending shards of exoskeleton and stinking goo in every direction. Ginny squeaked and hid behind Santa as some of the nasty effluence landed right where she'd been standing only a moment before. Beams of super-heated plasma and tiny, shuriken-like projectiles hissed and whizzed by them, the remains of her lovely house now the center of a battleground while the winter storm raged on. Warriors in green armor, carrying weapons that looked like a horrifying hybrid of sword and chainsaw, tore into a knot of foes, slicing them to bloody ribbons. As savage as the battle had been earlier, when it had just been her and Santa, she suddenly appreciated its relative civility. "They need my help," Santa said finally, cracking his knuckles, his expression grim. "We have to finish this off or Christmas won't come on time." "I thought you said there was plenty of time." Ginny protested, frowning up at him. "There was," he admitted. "But in order to defeat Krampus' minions, I summoned every single quantum iteration of myself back to here to help me fight. No one is delivering presents anywhere at the moment. I can't change real-time if I'm here in my entirety." He turned and looked at her. "Hopefully we're keeping them busy enough that they don't worry about you. Stay against the wall and work the music, will you?" "Manning the music station," she said, nodding, focusing on giving herself a task. "Music for Santa and his homicidal elves to kill by. Got it;" She watched as Santa leapt through the shattered remains of her bay doors into the howling storm and crashed into a knot of foes, savaging them. She watched in disbelief for some time, trying to figure out how Santa could kill anyone. I mean, even serial murderers got presents in prison, didn't they? Maybe they didn't, she had no way of knowing and chalked up thinking about this to what could only be described as the weirdest night of her life. She squealed and dodged out of the way as a body came flying through the doors and landed next to her. She scrambled over to the entertainment center and stood in front of it, trying to figure out what the hell she should play. "Okay;" she breathed, trying to focus. "Mass slaughter music; mass slaughter music;" What constituted mass slaughter music? Death metal? Panic At The Disco? Teletubbies music? She had no playlists, so she began cycling through the radio, hoping to find anything that might suffice. Oldies; Christmas music; hip-hop; trance; disco; "Son of a fuck," she muttered. "This is harder than it looks." She finally came across a station playing 'Jailhouse Rock' and decided that was good enough, she was sick of looking. She winced, trying to ignore another splintering crash as a body came through her wall. She hugged herself but then felt her robe. She frowned as she looked down at it, realizing it had been thoroughly shredded in the fight earlier. Those shuriken-thingies had been cutting it real close. Ginny grumbled as she pulled it off and threw it away, standing there completely naked, it hadn't been keeping her warm in its current condition and she was thoroughly beyond giving a shit at this point about who saw her naked. They were all too damn busy tearing one another apart anyway. And that sort of pissed her off. She was buck-naked and no one seemed to care. She'd shaved her cunt for this? "And I thought my night sucked before," she sighed to no one in particular. "Not getting my cunt pounded had been my biggest complaint before this hack!" She never saw the menacing shadow that had slipped up behind her. Santa picked one of his foes up overhead and hurled him into a cluster of foes, bowling them all over. He then punched another man as he tried to run by, knocking him off his feet and into his back. A quick stamp on his solar plexus made sure he stopped moving. The huge man thrust his fist in the air and shouted loudly. "Clear!" he thundered, indicating no other enemies surrounded him. His elves responded in kind, many of them gathering in a tight ring about him, weapons facing out as they sought to protect him. Hundreds of bodies lay strewn across the landscape, some burning from plasma blasts, other shredded and blown apart by rockets or sliced into bloody jerky. The storm seemed to be abating, no longer a blizzard so much as a stiff wind and swirls of snow. "Sire, we detect no enemies in the immediate vicinity," one elf wearing blue armor with a tall, crested helmet announced, striding up and saluting by thumping his gauntleted fist over his heart. "This attack has been defeated." "Maybe," Santa said, looking around warily. "But that doesn't mean anything just yet. We have to secure the area, make sure Virginia is alright and then get back to” "Kringle!" "Damn," he muttered to himself. "I thought this was too easy." He made several complex gestures, sending his elves fanning out in a wide arc as he began trudging forward through the snow, heading toward where the voice had come from out of the night. The winds and squalls of snow continued to die down until there was an almost deafening silence, the moon shining brightly overhead and revealing the sheer carnage of the battle that had been waged, the snow and ice glittered with frozen blood. "Kringle!" snarled the inhuman voice angrily. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" Santa said loudly, scowling. "Don't get your panties in a bunch!" He stopped in a clearing on the other side of the house, glowering at who confronted him, the beast was not as tall as he was, nor as muscular, but horrifying in aspect. The backward-jointed, hairy legs ended in wicked hooves. The skin not covered in coarse black fur was almost as dark and criss-crossed with innumerable scars. The vascular chest was crowned with a strong neck and sitting atop it was a blasphemous head, a demonic goat's visage from which grew four evil, twisting horns. The red eyes blazed like wrathful coals and sharp teeth glistened wetly inside the hateful mouth. Krampus. And in one of his powerful, clawed hands, he held Virginia by the neck, who looked like a rag doll. "Hi, Santa;" she said weakly, looking very apologetic. Santa kept walking forward, clenching his fists. "By all means, Kringle, keep coming forward if you mean to slay the child." Krampus growled, starting to squeeze and causing Ginny to shudder in fear. Santa stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes narrowing. His elves had now cast a tight net around the scene, hemming in Krampus. One circle of warriors faced inward, pointing their weapons at the abomination while another behind them faced out, prepared for any further attacks. Santa didn't move. "Let the girl go, Krampus," he said levelly. "This doesn't concern her." "Oh, I beg to differ," said the beastman in an almost non-chalant tone. "It's always about the children, isn't it?" "Hey!" said Ginny angrily. "I am not a child, jerk! I'm twenty, Gurr!" "Oh, do stop talking, you're such an annoyance." Krampus said, giving her neck another warning squeeze. "Let the adults work this out." "There's nothing to work out, Krampus," Santa growled, his blue eyes flashing. "You'll let the girl go." "I think we both know that's not happening," intoned the vile intruder. "She is my victory over you, and you know it. Revenge is not only a dish best served cold but often. And not often enough for me." "About this cold revenge dish thing," Ginny said, squirming slightly. "Couldn't; couldn't I just find you a nice tin can to chew on instead?" "Shut up, girl!" Krampus said harshly while several elves could be heard to chuckle and even Santa smirked at her jest. "I hold your life in my hands, to dispose of as I please." His foul breath crackled in the cold night air. His touch was uncomfortably warm, almost hot and strangely kept her body from freezing in the winter night. His touch felt evil and her skin crawled in revulsion. His strength was terrifying. "It wasn't enough that I slaved in coal mines for you, giving you carbon lumps to deliver to naughty children," Krampus growled, glaring at Santa. "It wasn't enough that I found the worst of them and brought them to you in the night so you could lecture them." "Hey, nobody asked you or ordered you to do the coal thing, pal," Santa said angrily. "And the whole kidnapping kids thing was your idea. I decided to let you have some creative control and look what happened. When it didn't work out, you decided that beating naughty kids with reeds was the answer. You're damn right that wasn't good enough!" "Silence!" Krampus snarled loudly, stamping one of his clawed hooves and making the ground shake dangerously. "Your kind-hearted foolishness with these puny mortals changed nothing about their behavior! Your failure to recognize their inherent selfishness was why our efforts were doomed!" "These puny mortals?" Santa countered. "You used to be one of them, Pete, remember? You were a well-behaved boy once." "Shut up!" growled Krampus. "Well-behaved, but not good," Santa continued. "You followed the rules and wanted everyone to follow rules. You were a control freak. I brought you north to show you what kindness could do, but you hated the cheer and the happiness and you fled to the coal mines in Greenland, hiding in the dark where the light of Christmas couldn't touch you! And when making kids feel bad with coal didn't bring them into line, you started the whole whipping them with reeds thing. Good job there, Pete!" "I'm warning you, Kringle;" Krampus said dangerously. "Oh, he really gets your goat, doesn't he?" Ginny sneered, causing several elves to laugh loudly. Krampus now snarled furiously and lifted her into the air by her neck, causing her to cry out in pain. Santa watched warily, knowing better than to make a move. "We seem to have an impasse," Krampus said, an evil smile playing over his slavering mouth. "You cannot harm me, because you know I can slay the child, but I cannot as yet slay her because she is my bargaining chip. But my need to hurt you, old man, is so very strong." He lowered Ginny down until her feet were just touching the snow-covered ground. She frowned as she heard a wet slithering sound she could not identify. "And there are other ways to hurt you than slaying the poor dear, aren't there?" Ginny felt something slimy touch her leg and then start to crawl up it, wrapping around her smooth skin. She shuddered and squirmed in horror as she realized exactly what was happening. The snake-like appendage wound up her thigh and then behind her. She gasped as it slid between her ass cheeks and then underneath to her cunt. She felt the blunt head split her lips and then move upward again. "Don't do this, Krampus." Santa said, trying to figure out what to do without hurting Ginny. "And why not?" replied the qliphotic abomination. "Don't you have a present for me? Then I guess I'll have to give myself one." Krampus' organ continued to slither its way around her body, leaving a glistening trail on her skin. She stiffened and moaned as his appendage wrapped around her tits, squeezing them, the head pausing and teasing the nipples. "Hey, asshole, dinner and a movie first!" she spat angrily. Ginny was about to say something else when the large, grayish cockhead snaked up in front of her face and then plunged into her mouth, causing her to gag and go silent. Her eyes widened and she thrashed furiously, but to no avail. He was simply too strong. "Language, young lady." Krampus chided, still staring at Santa. "Hasn't Santa taught you anything?" "This isn't gonna end well for you, Pete." Santa said, his tone dire. "Christmas never does, Kringle," replied the demon, his cock sliding in and out of Ginny's mouth. "I'm just hoping to make the holiday every bit as awful and intolerable for you as it is for me. After all, misery loves company." He brought her body close to his head and his other hand reached over and stroked her cunt lips, which were glistening. He leered at his foe, knowing Santa was helpless to get closer. "Is she good down here?" Krampus said mockingly. "Nice and wet and tight for you? Was she the best one ever, in the endless list of good girls you have fucked?" Santa said nothing, just glaring at Krampus. His knuckles were white as he clenched his fists. "Sharing your toys is the spirit of Christmas, isn't it?" Krampus said evilly, finally pulling his cock out of her mouth. Ginny coughed and sputtered, tendrils of resinous spittle and worse trailing away from her lips. She glared at Krampus but was still immobilized. "Just get this over with and fuck me already, whip-cock," she spat. "You won't be my first egotistical disappointment, trust me." Krampus' eyes blazed red and his tongue sped around her naked form blindingly quickly while he released her from his clawed grip. The tongue wrapped and immobilized her arms, holding them out straight while still encircling her tits. It then snaked around her waist and legs, pinning those as well while his long cock, swaying about like a cobra, came to a stop in front of her swollen cunt lips. The head teased and tapped against the opening, causing her to moan and squirm. "As you wish, child;" The head forced itself through her lips, sliding deep inside her. Ginny cried out in a mixture of shock and indescribable pleasure. She felt the tip of his pointed tongue probe trailing around her nipples. The python-like length of his cock churned inside her cunt. The blinding light behind her eyes finally receded and she lifted her head, looking out into the night, feeling his tongue constricting around her neck. She could dimly see a huge being in red pants and black boots watching nearby, his powerful chest exposed. The startling blue eyes flashed in the darkness of the night. She could tell he wanted to rescue her but didn't dare come closer. She gasped and shuddered as Krampus' cock pushed still deeper inside her. She felt fuller than she had imagined possible, the slithering appendage stretching her wide. The sticky, squelching noises were hardly to be believed. "Ew, gross! Hentai noises!" she thought in revulsion. "Krampus;" Santa warned. His elves all pointed their weapons menacingly but he held up his hand, staying them. "The child is naughty," Krampus said, smiling through pointed teeth. "Very naughty. Such a sordid past." "Hey, back off, she was young and needed the money!" Santa snapped defensively. "That thing with the midget and the donkey was” "You're not helping here!" Ginny shouted, blushing furiously, even as Krampus violated her. "Wicked child," growled the vile demon, shoving his cock in and out of her, the peristaltic actions of its length causing her to writhe and squirm in his grip, her breath coming in ragged gasps. "Shameless. Even though I violate her, she finds a way to be concerned about how you perceive her. I find it; titillating." "Oh, do I make you horny?" she sneered, turning her head to smirk at him. "Couldn't tell, looking at that head of yours." "Silence!" Krampus hissed, spittle flying from his jaws, his eyes flashing angrily. "I hold your life and death in my hands." "How would I know?" she shot back. "Hope you're better with your hands than you are with your cock, Billy G." He plunged his cock deeper still inside her. She went rigid and cried out. "That all you got?" she rasped, trying not to faint as she felt popping inside her hips while he stetched her. "My brother got in deeper than that when we were little!" "Insolent!" Krampus snarled savagely, bouncing her up and down and he fucked her harder than ever, pulling on her arms and legs, stretching her joints til they creaked. She felt a deep, wet heat building inside her and in spite of the horror she consciously felt about the situation, even more dire was her need to cum. She felt her cunt squeezing around his cock. His snake-like tongue probed her ass and wriggled inside, further adding to her desperation. "Intholent bith, you will be punithed!" "What was that?" Santa asked, turning his head slightly and putting his hand to his ear. "I couldn't understand you, it's like you have a lisp or something." "Don't mock meef!" Krampus said angrily, his tongue whipping out of Ginny's ass, causing her to yelp suddenly. "I'll kill her, Kringle!" "Not before I cum, damn you!" Ginny panted, her body flushed and covered in sweat as she twisted and writhed in his grip. "Uh, so close, goddammit!" "Language!" Santa and Krampus both snapped at her. "Aw, c'mon!" she wailed. "You two are total pains in the ass! Do it, Billy! Show me what a bad boy you are!" Krampus glared at her and began fucking her harder than ever. "As you wish, child!" "Krampus!" Santa shouted, reaching out his hand in alarm. "Don't!" Krampus grinned evilly at Santa, his teeth clenching as he drew close to climax. His cock seemed to swell along its length, stretching her wider still. She threw her head back and gritted her teeth, straining as she was overwhelmed by sensation; Santa's fist slammed across Krampus' jaw with a powerful crack. The demonoid's eyes rolled into his head and he crumpled to the ground. Ginny wailed in frustration as his cock pulled out of her and retreated back to his body, like a wet, slimy Stanley tape measure. She collapsed to her hands and knees in the snow, panting and shaking, her eyes wide. Santa raced up and knelt next to her, his eyes shining with concern. "Fuck;" Ginny whispered, gasping for air. "Motherfucker;" She looked up at her rescuer now, her eyes flashing accusingly. "The hell? Couldn't you have let him make me cum first?" Santa paused. "What?" "I was so damn close!" she hissed, standing up and stamping her foot. "I was within half a second of the orgasm of my life and you had to choose that moment to intervene and play the hero! Don't expect a thank you card!" "Uh, Virginia," Santa said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, trying to figure out what to say. "If he had brought you to orgasm, it would have killed you. When Krampus climaxes, his appendage you were so attached to bursts into spikes, basically killing you from the inside while denying you your orgasm." She paused and then deflated. "Holy cobra dildos. What a bastard." Ginny then pointed a finger at her savior. "But you still owe me an orgasm, then, pal. You may have rescued me from certain death, but that doesn't mean I don't need relief." Santa looked really confused. "What, here? Now?" "Damn straight," she said firmly, suddenly remembering she was buck naked in a snow-storm. In spite of the no-doubt freezing weather, her body was still warm and very wet with need. She put her hand down her cunt and felt around for a moment before presenting her sticky palm and fingers to Santa for inspection. "Do I look satisfied to you? You've already fucked me, Screamo the Goat Boy just fucked me, who cares if your freaky gay elves watch us? I need satisfaction now and I already am aware that you can't say no." Santa sighed. "It's gotta be quick, Virginia. I'm really behind, now that I'm completely temporal in one location." "Whatever, just get me to the promised land, man." Ginny replied, shrugging. "Who knows, maybe your entourage might enjoy a show." "Oh, right, about that," Santa said, standing up tall and shouting loudly. "About; Face!" As a single unit, the elves all turned around smartly on their heels, still arranged in a protective ring around their liege and his companion, weapons ready as they scanned the darkness for trouble, their eyes glowing menacingly inside their helmets. Santa strode up to Ginny, towering over her and ignoring the prostrate form of the still-unconscious Krampus, snuffling nearby. She smiled up at him, somehow warmed by his presence, in spite of the icy night she should have frozen to death in already. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply. She moaned into his mouth as she felt her already molten core getting even more heated in response to his touch. Tongues tangled and played as he took her ass cheeks in his hands and squeezed them, making her shiver. Ginny's hands fumbled with his large black belt until it fell away and then pulled down his red pants. He pulled her onto his powerful thighs, resting her on them. She hooked her legs behind his waist and began grinding her wet, eager cunt against his hardening cock, which swelled readily. Her head was almost spinning, she was so horny. "Hmm, give it to me, baby," she purred, feeling the head of his cock touch her cunt lips. "Make me cum hard and fast." She sighed loudly as he pulled her close, penetrating and sliding deep inside her. Ginny moaned shamelessly as Santa once again began to pump back and forth inside her. His huge cock stretched her cunt wide, but not in the violent, violating way Krampus did. This felt warm and utterly perfect. She nipped at the skin of his chest while he moved in and out of her. "Yes," Ginny breathed as he began to moved faster, pumping strongly and rhythmically. She could feel her wetness trickling down between her cheeks, her cunt clutching at him hungrily, greedily and unwilling to let go until it was somehow sated. "Oh, God, just what I needed. Yes, fuck me, Santa!" He gripped her tight and thrust into her, picking up his pace just the way she wanted. She was gasping and yelping now and he squeezed her cheeks, one of his fingers poking inside her puckered knot. She clenched her teeth and groaned at the intrusion, murmuring that she loved it. She grew warmer and warmer, her body tingling with an exquisite fire that rippled out from her core. Santa turned her around and set her feet on top of his boots, bending her forward and pulling on her arms. She cried out as he fucked her harder, his hips thumping against her ass cheeks. Her hands clenched wildly, her breath coming in gasps as his overwhelming strength dominated her. "Oh, God!" she panted, beginning to shudder uncontrollably, almost drooling. "Uh, cum in me, dammit! Fucking cum in me!" Santa pulled on her arms even tighter as his thighs slammed into her. Ginny strained, craning her neck, teeth clenched as she tried not to scream, but it was no use, she wailed loudly as he came inside her, filling her once again in a way she could not describe. Her orgasm shook every last atom of her being, transporting her to a world of nothing but pleasure, edged with mint. She buckled, hanging loosely in his arms, exhausted. She'd been fucked hard at least five times tonight and had a dreadful suspicion that this experience would only make her libido even more hyperactive. She sighed as Santa scooped her naked form into his arms and cuddled her against the cold. Ginny purred and traced a fingernail across his broad chest. "Thank you," she said quietly. "Just what the doctor ordered. That quenched the flames, for now." He finally put her down and she looked at the remains of her ruined chateau, which was completely leveled and now on fire. "Poor Oatmeal," she murmured. "Where am I going to live?" She scowled down at the still supine Krampus, anger flaring in her. "It's this jack wagon’s fault. You should totally napalm his face." Santa looked down at her in shock. "Did you just say I should jerk off in Krampus' face?" "Damn right, he'd deserve it too." Ginny announced. "That and shove your sleigh up his ass." "I am not jizzing in Krampus' face." Santa said, clearly repulsed by the suggestion. "Fine, leave a woman to do a man's job," Ginny said testily, striding over to Krampus and putting one leg on either side of his head. She stuck three fingers inside her cunt and managed to tease out considerable amounts of Santa's minty cum, which she smeared all over Krampus' face and into his fur with glee, even giving him a glistening white moustache. "Take that, asshole!" She looked like she might have been done desecrating the unconscious form, but then she paused and squatted over him, peeing on his body and face, the stream steaming in the cold night air. She grinned evilly as she thoroughly baptized him. "Teach you to mess with me." Ginny muttered as she walked back to Santa, nodding. The huge man had a wide smirk on his face and shook his head slowly. "I can't believe you just pissed all over Krampus," he said, hugging her to him. "However, you're going to freeze to death at this rate;" He held out his hand and one of his elves dutifully brought him a large, velvety red cloak, which he wrapped around her. She blushed and smiled gratefully at his consideration, but only until he slid it off her, revealing that she was now wearing some ridiculous 'Hot Christmas Elf' outfit, complete with striped stockings and high heels. She looked like a Yule whore. "Seriously?" she asked, unimpressed. "This is your solution to my naked issues?" He shrugged. "I liked you better naked, but you would freeze quickly." "Whatever," she sighed, looking down and appreciating the considerable lift it gave her cleavage. It was incredibly warm, in spite of how scant it was. "So now what? I still have no damn home, you and Goatse here blew it up with your little barnyard brawl." Santa looked around warily. "That might be the least of your worries. The wind's picking up again, which means that another assault is coming. We need to get out of here." "Sire!" said one of the armored elves, thumping his fist to his breastplate and bowing his head. "We will cover you. You must go while you still have a head-start and the dark one is unconscious." Santa nodded. "Yeah, he's not gonna be happy when he wakes up and he's really gonna want revenge on you, Virginia." She felt her mouth go dry at the notion of another battle and Krampus waking up to even the score. "So; now what?" Santa shrugged. "I'd say it's fairly obvious. I've still got to make my rounds before the night is over and I'm not leaving you here;" She gaped as he put his hands on her shoulders and looked down into her eyes. "Virginia, you're coming with me and you're going to help save Christmas." Chapter 3, Christmas Wishes "How the hell do you drive this thing?" Ginny called in a panic, her eyes wide as she held onto the reigns, twisting them wildly as she tried to steer. Up ahead of her, eight large reindeer squealed and thrashed their heads. The sleigh corkscrewed while it hurtled through the cold night air, the moon shining down on them. "Well, first of all, stop panicking," Santa replied as he stood on the back of the sleigh, atop his huge red sack of toys. He was more or less back to his original size she had become accustomed to, now that he had sent his other 'iterations' of himself out over the globe to deliver presents. "That would be an excellent start." "Easy for you to say," she snapped, scowling back at him for a moment since taking her eyes off her designated path seemed to make no difference to how she was doing at navigating. "You're used to doing this!" "Trust me, between the two of us, you're the one with the easy job right now and I'd be happy to trade," he called back as he ducked wildly. A comically large rocket thundered by, with an evil-looking man strapped to the bottom of it, swinging a weapon wildly to hit Santa. "Try to keep her steady!" "While dodging psychos on rockets, no problem!" she grumbled, trying to ignore the howling wind and roaring projectiles. "Have I mentioned Krampus is a gigantic asshole?" "Repeatedly," Santa answered, watching warily. The sky was threaded with jets of fire as their enemies kept coming about in ponderous, elliptical arcs and heading back towards them, intent on their destruction. They had only just pulled off from the smoldering remains of Ginny's country chateau when the assault began. Krampus was nowhere to be seen, but his minions were clearly determined to avenge him. "Maybe urinating on him wasn't such a good idea. He never did take humiliation well." Ginny squawked in alarm and ducked as a rocket streaked right at her. Santa jumped in the air, doing the splits to avoid the projectile and landing back on top of his present sack. Another tried to pull up alongside them but Santa grabbed the harness the man was wearing and wrenched the rocket off course, sending it speeding into one some distance away. Both rockets (and presumably their pilots) exploded in a violent orgy of noise and flashing lights. "Really hope people just think those are fireworks," Santa muttered as he looked glared balefully at yet another rocket considering approaching. "Fireworks right in the middle of the world's most spastic meteor shower. Sure, they'll buy that;" "Funny part is I can't tell if you're serious," Ginny said loudly. "If they don't believe that narrative, then they've gotta accept that Santa Claus was engaged in an epic air battle over their town with quantum men strapped to rockets." "Truth is often stranger than fiction," Santa agreed, nodding. "Fighting these jerks off is taking too much time!" "Well, don't you have anything in your back of tricks there?" Ginny asked. In spite of the sleigh being open, it seemed to have some weird form of climate control and she'd been getting rather warm. To that end she'd pulled down her top, exposing her tits to cool herself off. The breeze allowed through made her nipples tingle delightfully, but not enough to distract her from driving the sleigh. After all, she often drove ninety minutes to her job wearing a vibrating insert in her panties, so she knew for a fact she could orgasm and still control a vehicle. A wheeled one, at least. She wasn't so sure about a sleigh doing Mach Three at twenty thousand feet. "You mean a weapon?" Santa asked. "In the bag full of toys for kids?" "You gave me a nerf gun out of that bag and it turned out to be some sort of doomsday device, didn't it?" she pointed out. "Scary lightning bolts everywhere. I refuse to believe you don't have some other goodies in there." Santa shrugged and squatted down to look inside the bag, getting narrowly missed by another rocket that shot over his head. The pilot cursed and came around again, aiming directly at the chassis of the sleigh from the side. Ginny's eyes widened in fright as she saw him approach. She jerked the reins to one side and the sleigh tilted ninety degrees, presenting its wide, flat red underside. The rocket slammed into it and exploded. Whatever it was made of or whatever shielding was in place, Ginny only heard the detonation and felt a rumble, but there was no damage aside from that. "Ha!" Santa said, standing tall and holding an electric guitar in the air, its black body gleamed in the moonlight. He put the strap around his neck and took several seconds to tune it, ignoring the aerial mayhem that swirled around him. "The hell are you going to do with that?" Ginny asked, scowling as she looked behind to see what he was up to. "You said to find something, I found something," he said simply as he checked the pickups. "Now let's see what we can do here;" He took the pick in hand and strummed it across the strings, a screeching pulse of sound blared out from the instrument, heading in all directions. It struck several rockets nearby, which exploded brightly. Other were knocked off course, spiraling around crazily as they fought for control. Santa laughed loudly, apparently enjoying himself. "Quit laughing and kill, red man!" Ginny yelled, nonplussed by his amusement. "I want to survive the night and I've had several close calls with death already!" "I'm working on it, Virginia, patience." Santa chided, adjusting the tuners momentarily. "Near-death experiences make you cranky." "No shit, Sherlock," she grumbled as he blasted out another screeching wave of sound. "Do you plan to play anything or just keep shrieking out that one sound?" "As you wish," he said cheerfully, pleased to be doing as she asked. Making her happy was all he cared about. He began playing a heavy metal version of Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries', the pulsing walls of sound thundering out and striking every foe within hundreds of

Miracle On Route 34: Part 2 Virginia and Santa face extreme danger together. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Someone attacked Santa with a wicked-looking spiked hand-axe, something out of a sci-fi movie. He batted the weapon aside and clapped his open hands across the man's ears, busting his brain. Before he dropped, Santa grabbed the corpse and swung it around in a wide arc, smashing it into the foes surrounding him and knocking them back. "Shit!" Ginny squealed as one of the targets landed near her. "It's like the fucking Matrix in here!" As he threw the corpse away, he paused very briefly and glanced at her. "Since you happen to be right there, how about a little mood music?" "What?" "I'm just saying some music would be nice if we're going to be doing this," he called. "You're next to the entertainment system, how about putting something on?" "You’re shitting me, right?" she almost complained, wincing as she heard something delicate-sounding and expensive smash behind her amidst the wild brawl. She stared at the multimedia system, flapping her arms in frustration as she tried to focus through the noise. This couldn't be happening. She clutched the sleeves of her plush robe for a moment, trying to concentrate on its soft, fuzzy texture and center herself. She'd almost forgotten the large nerf gun in her hands but ignored it now, fixing her gaze on the mp3 playlist. She pressed a button. "Silent night; Holy night;" Bing crooned through the room. "Not really what I had in mind!" Santa mentioned loudly as he rammed his knee into a man's chin. "Try again!" Ginny bit her lip and pressed the button again, this time rewarded with Gary Glitter singing 'Another Rock And Roll Christmas'. "Still not quite there," he said as he snapmared another foe. "Better, but not quite!" "Well I don't know!" she shouted in exasperation. "What kind of music do you put on while Santa kills things in your living room?" Santa turned sideways and thrust his foot out, kicking an intruder in the chest and sending him sprawling backwards, rolling head over heels until he thumped into the entertainment system, jolting it and skipping the player. "I am a bitch. How do you want me? From behind, or on my knees? I am a slut, please hold me down, I'll be your noise, This shit will fuck you up!" "Perfect!" he declared as he fought, swarmed once again by foes. "Seriously?" Ginny yelled. "Combichrist is Santa's fucking fighting groove?" "I'm trying to figure out why you have it on your playlist," Santa replied. "I don't remember you liking aggrotech!" "Why the hell do you of all people even know what it is?" she shot back, wincing as she watched another body sail into the opposite wall with a sickening crunch before dropping to the floor and leaving a huge, crumbling dent in the stone. 'This Shit Will Fuck You Up!' "I prefer the term 'Hellektro' myself," he added. "And I know all songs, silly. I remember when the Dayglo Abortions wrote that 'Hey Santa!' song back in the '80's, they didn't get presents for” "I didn't ask, why are you answering?" she hissed. "Kill! Kill!" All the while, the pounding rhythms of the music filled the room. "I am a bitch. How do you want me? From behind, or on my knees? I am a slut, please hold me down, I'll be your noise, This shit will fuck you up!" "Well, at least we know why it's on your playlist, anyway!" he mentioned as he broke someone's back over his knee. "Very funny, red man!" Ginny hissed, scowling. She ducked wildly as another assailant flew overhead and landed in the Jacuzzi, his neck slamming against the hard edge with a snap noise and then tilting at a strange angle, his eyes wide and unseeing. "Fucking hell," she muttered. "These guys eat too much red meat!" Santa smashed two heads together before punting a third man in the chest, sending him staggering back until he fell against the entertainment unit, right next to Ginny, his eyes spiraling in his head. She scowled down at him for a moment before smashing the pitcher of nog on his cranium and sending him to the floor. Every single intruder stopped and turned to look at her suddenly, their eyes narrowing and turning very yellow. "Eep;" Ginny said quietly, going pale. They all howled and lunged toward her, even as Santa fought to reach her first. She shrieked in fright. "Darn it, Ginny!" he shouted in what almost sounded like irritation. "I told you not to do anything!" "You said not to use the stupid nerf gun!" she shot back as she dodged wildly and began to run around, evading her pursuers. "I meant don't do anything to get yourself noticed!" he growled as he bulldogged one man's head into the floor. He sprang to his feet and grabbed another man by the back of the head, ramming his face into the stone wall, creating a small crater from which the body slumped only slowly and wetly. "How the hell did they not notice the mostly naked girl in the room?" she yelled, sprinting around the circumference of the room, being chased by yellow-eyed foes. "They're mostly quantum, they don't always perceive real-state things or beings until they're interacted with!" he answered. "They weren't looking for you until you announced yourself!" "Oh, you and your weird physics shit!" she groused, her robe coming more and more undone as she ran. One of her tits was exposed, bouncing annoyingly and the nipple hardening as a cold wind from the endless holes in her walls and windows blew into the room. "Now what?" "Well, since they know you're here, you might as well use the gun," he answered as he tackled a small knot of them who were looking to cut off her avenue of escape. "At least then you can defend yourself if you're careful!" "The fuck am I supposed to do?" she shouted angrily as she clutched the ridiculous, useless gun. "Nerf them to death? Hope I shoot one foam dart down a throat and hope the bastard chokes and dies?" "Didn't you just let me inside all of your orifices?" he pointed out as he spun low, sweeping one foe's feet from under him and then taking him by the ankles to slam him off the floor. "Trust me, Virginia!" "Dammit!" she spat, steeling her nerve, hoping her resolve was harder than her nipple currently was. Taking a deep breath, she stopped running and spun, pointing the gun and pulling the plastic trigger; She yelped in astonishment as coruscating arcs of lightning crackled and lashed out from the muzzle, enveloping several foes, who wailed in glowing agony before disappearing from view. "Jesus H Fucking Tesla!" she exclaimed in amazement as she gaped down at her toy. "Virginia, language!" Santa warned. She rolled her eyes and pointed at another man rushing her, pulling the trigger and watching him explode in a shower of scintillating particles. "This shit will fuck you up!" blared the speakers. The wall splintered next to Ginny and several terrifying creatures barged in, causing her to shriek in fright, they were easily Santa's size, vaguely humanoid but covered in a greyish, segmented carapace, with insectoid heads, evil-looking mandibles and huge claws at the end of four arms. They hissed as the lunged for her. "Fuck fuck fuck!" cried out as she began running. "Fucking hate motherfucking bugs!" She fired wildly behind herself without looking, managing to strike one of the new creatures but only slowing it down. Ginny raced for the stairs, stampeding up them only to find more of the yellow-eyed humanoids waiting for her. "Santa!" she cried out in terror. "Help!" He glanced her way and grimaced at her predicament. "Aw, hell;" With a strength born of the desperation to protect one of his precious children, he surged forward, shoulder-blocking his way through a knot of assailants, springing through the air with astonishing agility, alternately using the wall and railing of the stairs to get to the upper floor, twisting and executing a flying kick that downed a foe about to attack Ginny. "Good thing I wore my enhanced parkour boots tonight, eh?" he muttered as he glared at the foes crowding to get up the stairs or down the hallway at them. "I don't even know what that means." Ginny snapped, backing up warily as the horde coming for them grew in numbers. "If that's some sort of geek speak, then we, are you getting bigger?" "I guess I am," he replied, grimly, glaring at their foes. "I don't expect what I'm saying to make sense, but the other iterations of me, my other selves, they're all coming here, merging with me to help meet the threat." "You're; consolidating?" she asked in disbelief. "That's one way to look at it," he said, his blue eyes flashing. "It's gonna make finishing the Christmas run tight if I get held up here much longer." "Oh, terribly sorry if I'm inconveniencing you, your highness." Ginny said, trying to not sound too snide. He put his body between her and her foes, backing her up against the wall. "They can't come through the wall you're up against, it's the South wall," he said quietly but with a sense of urgency. "You're safe from that angle. You can fire your gun past me or over the rail at the guys down below. Since they're trying to reach you that means they've solidified enough that they can't do crazy things like jump seven meters up to reach you, they'll have to use the stairs." "I thought they were after you." Ginny said hotly. "They were, until you announced yourself with a jug of nog," he pointed out. "Now they want to destroy you to hurt me." "Oh. Sorry." Ginny mumbled somewhat sheepishly. "You can make it up to me later!" he said as he surged forward suddenly, bulling his way through the approaching crowd, clotheslining several at once. Shouts went up and the fight was on again. Santa punched, kicked, elbowed, kneed and wrenched his way through the enemy horde. Ginny swore he was indeed bigger than he had been earlier. His already hard body physique was almost bulging with muscles now, like a California beach bodybuilder. Black blood glistened on his flawless skin as he maimed the attackers. Droplets that hit the carpet sizzled and ate through it, burning the hardwood floor beneath. "No!" Ginny wailed in despair. "Not the hardwood! I loved that feature!" She glared and gritted her teeth as she leaned over the railing and pointed the nerf gun down at the endless crowd on the main floor, pulling the trigger. The crackling arcs of energy enveloped several foes, who wailed and vanished. Same as before, the giant insectoids rarely disappeared but seemed slowed or staggered by the attack. Santa fought his way forward, forcing the attackers back from Ginny. Try as they might, no one got by him, even if it meant that they could strike at him instead. He took their assaults resolutely, using his body as a shield to protect her. Before long, the floor of the hallway was littered with bodies, some barely stirring, others not moving at all. Still, the foes swarmed up the stairs. One of the bug-things swiped at him with its vicious claws and he ducked under the blow before kicking his boot into one of the reverse-jointed legs, snapping it. The bug screeched and tumbled and he leapt onto its back, grabbing hold of one of the large, wet-grey chitinous plates that armored its back and pulled, it tore away with a mushy crack and the beast's keened agony as it shuddered and thrashed. Without pausing, Santa whirled around and slammed the exoskeletal plate across several men's heads, dropping them. Ginny kept firing the nerf tesla gun, wondering what sort of sociopath would invent a deadly weapon that looked like a famous kid's toy. She pushed it from her mind, realizing that she wanted to live and didn't care at the moment about the social mores of the issue. Santa was using the huge chitin plate almost like a shield, driving his foes back with it to the stairs. It finally cracked in half and he punched through the mess, unwilling to give the enemy time to regroup. He spun one man around with a fist across the jaw before grabbing his arms from behind and ramming his knee into the man's back, lifting him off the floor and letting him slam his spine onto the stairs. Without waiting, Santa launched himself through the air, knee raised and smashed it into the face of a man on the stair's corner landing. The foe's head went back through the wall with a loud crunch and he hung there limply, no longer part of the battle. "Ack!" Ginny squawked as the nerf gun sputtered and let out several impotent flashes and then died. "Not now! No no no!" One foe had broken through the cordon and now raced toward her. She yelled loudly and smashed the butt of her nerf gun into his face, staggering him for a moment. She glared at him angrily, waiting for him to fall, but her didn't, so she kicked him in the crotch with her instep. He groaned and sunk to his knees, holding himself. Ginny was practically jumping up and down on top of him by the time he stopped moving. "Stay; the; fuck; down!" she shouted angrily as she turned his ribcage into powder. She failed to notice the one last foe who rushed up behind her. But then Santa was at her side and he delivered a devastating haymaker to the man's thorax. Stunned, the intruder staggered back against the railing. With a growl, Santa grabbed him by the face and ruthlessly bent his back over the railing before leaping over and slamming his elbow across the man's neck as he went down to the main floor. The lifeless form crumpled next to him as he looked around, glaring. No foes remained standing. Aside from the music, all was quiet. "It is safe?" Ginny called from the gallery. "Are the scary guys and bug-thingies all gone?" "No," Santa said warily. "And the next wave is even bigger." "Great!" Ginny complained, tossing the useless nerf gun over the side. "And according to you, there's no one that can help us!" "I didn't say that," he countered, beckoning for her to come down the stairs and be near him for protection. "I just said there was no Easter Bunny." "No Superman either, apparently," she grumbled as she approached him, letting him put a huge arm around her possessively. He was, indeed, bigger than ever. She was practically child-sized next to him now. "So who the hell is there to help us?" "If help's arriving it had better get here soon," he said, taking her to the remains of her big glass bay windows and back door. The wind was howling as snow drove into the living room. What was left of it, anyway. Which was nothing. "It's now or never. Can you see them?" She peered into the darkness outside and a chill ran down her spine, hundreds of red and yellow glowing eyes could be seen in the darkness. And they seemed to be getting closer. "Do; do they see me?" she asked, swallowing nervously. "I'm sure they do," he said, grimacing. "Not going to take a chance and assume they don't. I'll do everything I can to protect you, of course." "Is; is that going to be enough?" She could hear the angry hisses and an evil chanting outside clearly now, getting closer with each moment. It pained Santa that he couldn't lie to her. "I don't know, Virginia." She sighed and smiled weakly. "Well, at least I know there's a Santa Claus now. And he gave me the night of my life before it all ended." He returned the smile, trying to feign a cheerfulness he didn't feel. "I don't;" Ginny faltered, trying to find the words. "I don't suppose that you'd; well; that you'd be willing to kiss me one last time? You know, before the end?" He turned to look down at her, his hands holding her arms with an unreal gentleness and a warmth in his eyes that comforted her even now. "Nothing would make me happier, Virginia." She smiled and closed her eyes. "Merry Christmas, Santa." "Merry Christmas, Virginia;" he said softly as he leaned down to kiss her. Then the night was filled with high-pitched shrieks, a noise that made her eyes snap open. She'd heard noises like that before, once a long time ago in grade school. It sounds like the hissing passage of meteors above, and getting closer. Or what she imagined artillery sounded like when it was incoming, like in all those war movies. Santa's head turned and an almost evil grin crept over his face as he listened. "That's more like it!" he declared, standing tall and pointing at the blackness of the night. "Watch the sky, Virginia;" She looked up and noticed glittering points of light, dozens of them, seeming to get closer. The hissing shriek was indeed their approach and they seemed to be aimed right at them. She felt Santa's hand squeeze on her shoulder, almost in excitement. His blue eyes were blazing ferociously. Finally, what looked like dozens of giant icicles, each larger and longer than a semi, lanced out of the night sky and slammed into the earth around her house, shaking it as they buried their tips in the frozen ground and came to a stop. Several impaled the intruders as they came in, while others kicked up a covering spray of snow as the enemy stopped and looked around in confusion. Then doors or portals opened on the sides of the titan icicles and tall, lithe beings began leaping out of them, wearing weird, form-fitting armor and carrying space-age guns and swords or axes. Their armor and long hair was a riot of colors that was reflected by the snow and ice. Wild, ululating war cries pierced the air. And a savage, bloody battle began on her property. "Who the hell are they?" Ginny almost yelled in astonishment as she watched. They moved with inhuman grace and speed, the ones not wearing helmets revealing long, beautiful facial features that were often frightening because of the wrath they displayed. The helmets were all tall and peaked, showing fearsome designs and glowing eyes. Weird runes pulsed and throbbed with light all over their armor. Guns hissed and shrieked while swords hummed as they slew. "My elves," Santa said, clearly pleased and also eager to fight but not willing to leave her side yet. "They got my call and converged on my position." "Those are elves?" she exclaimed in amazement. "Aren't they cutesy little toy-shop people?" "Cute myth, but no, not these ones," he replied, watching as several elves wearing bone-white armor with feminine features raced past, throwing themselves into a knot of the hulking bugs. They screamed and the masks of their wild-maned helmets gave off vibrations that shook Ginny's teeth in her head as it melted their foes' faces off. "No, a lot of my elves are warriors, meant to help me fight Krampus. They keep Christmas safe with me." "What the hell are they wearing?" she asked in disbelief. How could this weird night get any weirder? Santa sighed. "Truth? They've been spending way too much time playing Warhammer 40k and they; appropriated armor, weapons and tactics from the Eldar faction. They're space elves." "Wow. Gay;" she muttered, shaking her head. "Well, they're certainly earning their keep tonight." He nodded. "Been a long time since Krampus moved against us this hard. Apparently he got bored and was feeling uppity. That or he just forgot what a good thrashing felt like." Ginny watched as three elves, clad in scary black armor and wearing helmets that looked like peaked skulls, marched relentlessly forward, firing little rockets from elaborate launchers they carried in their hands and on suspensor harnesses. The rockets punctured the bugs' chitin shells and exploded inside them, sending shards of exoskeleton and stinking goo in every direction. Ginny squeaked and hid behind Santa as some of the nasty effluence landed right where she'd been standing only a moment before. Beams of super-heated plasma and tiny, shuriken-like projectiles hissed and whizzed by them, the remains of her lovely house now the center of a battleground while the winter storm raged on. Warriors in green armor, carrying weapons that looked like a horrifying hybrid of sword and chainsaw, tore into a knot of foes, slicing them to bloody ribbons. As savage as the battle had been earlier, when it had just been her and Santa, she suddenly appreciated its relative civility. "They need my help," Santa said finally, cracking his knuckles, his expression grim. "We have to finish this off or Christmas won't come on time." "I thought you said there was plenty of time." Ginny protested, frowning up at him. "There was," he admitted. "But in order to defeat Krampus' minions, I summoned every single quantum iteration of myself back to here to help me fight. No one is delivering presents anywhere at the moment. I can't change real-time if I'm here in my entirety." He turned and looked at her. "Hopefully we're keeping them busy enough that they don't worry about you. Stay against the wall and work the music, will you?" "Manning the music station," she said, nodding, focusing on giving herself a task. "Music for Santa and his homicidal elves to kill by. Got it;" She watched as Santa leapt through the shattered remains of her bay doors into the howling storm and crashed into a knot of foes, savaging them. She watched in disbelief for some time, trying to figure out how Santa could kill anyone. I mean, even serial murderers got presents in prison, didn't they? Maybe they didn't, she had no way of knowing and chalked up thinking about this to what could only be described as the weirdest night of her life. She squealed and dodged out of the way as a body came flying through the doors and landed next to her. She scrambled over to the entertainment center and stood in front of it, trying to figure out what the hell she should play. "Okay;" she breathed, trying to focus. "Mass slaughter music; mass slaughter music;" What constituted mass slaughter music? Death metal? Panic At The Disco? Teletubbies music? She had no playlists, so she began cycling through the radio, hoping to find anything that might suffice. Oldies; Christmas music; hip-hop; trance; disco; "Son of a fuck," she muttered. "This is harder than it looks." She finally came across a station playing 'Jailhouse Rock' and decided that was good enough, she was sick of looking. She winced, trying to ignore another splintering crash as a body came through her wall. She hugged herself but then felt her robe. She frowned as she looked down at it, realizing it had been thoroughly shredded in the fight earlier. Those shuriken-thingies had been cutting it real close. Ginny grumbled as she pulled it off and threw it away, standing there completely naked, it hadn't been keeping her warm in its current condition and she was thoroughly beyond giving a shit at this point about who saw her naked. They were all too damn busy tearing one another apart anyway. And that sort of pissed her off. She was buck-naked and no one seemed to care. She'd shaved her cunt for this? "And I thought my night sucked before," she sighed to no one in particular. "Not getting my cunt pounded had been my biggest complaint before this hack!" She never saw the menacing shadow that had slipped up behind her. Santa picked one of his foes up overhead and hurled him into a cluster of foes, bowling them all over. He then punched another man as he tried to run by, knocking him off his feet and into his back. A quick stamp on his solar plexus made sure he stopped moving. The huge man thrust his fist in the air and shouted loudly. "Clear!" he thundered, indicating no other enemies surrounded him. His elves responded in kind, many of them gathering in a tight ring about him, weapons facing out as they sought to protect him. Hundreds of bodies lay strewn across the landscape, some burning from plasma blasts, other shredded and blown apart by rockets or sliced into bloody jerky. The storm seemed to be abating, no longer a blizzard so much as a stiff wind and swirls of snow. "Sire, we detect no enemies in the immediate vicinity," one elf wearing blue armor with a tall, crested helmet announced, striding up and saluting by thumping his gauntleted fist over his heart. "This attack has been defeated." "Maybe," Santa said, looking around warily. "But that doesn't mean anything just yet. We have to secure the area, make sure Virginia is alright and then get back to” "Kringle!" "Damn," he muttered to himself. "I thought this was too easy." He made several complex gestures, sending his elves fanning out in a wide arc as he began trudging forward through the snow, heading toward where the voice had come from out of the night. The winds and squalls of snow continued to die down until there was an almost deafening silence, the moon shining brightly overhead and revealing the sheer carnage of the battle that had been waged, the snow and ice glittered with frozen blood. "Kringle!" snarled the inhuman voice angrily. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" Santa said loudly, scowling. "Don't get your panties in a bunch!" He stopped in a clearing on the other side of the house, glowering at who confronted him, the beast was not as tall as he was, nor as muscular, but horrifying in aspect. The backward-jointed, hairy legs ended in wicked hooves. The skin not covered in coarse black fur was almost as dark and criss-crossed with innumerable scars. The vascular chest was crowned with a strong neck and sitting atop it was a blasphemous head, a demonic goat's visage from which grew four evil, twisting horns. The red eyes blazed like wrathful coals and sharp teeth glistened wetly inside the hateful mouth. Krampus. And in one of his powerful, clawed hands, he held Virginia by the neck, who looked like a rag doll. "Hi, Santa;" she said weakly, looking very apologetic. Santa kept walking forward, clenching his fists. "By all means, Kringle, keep coming forward if you mean to slay the child." Krampus growled, starting to squeeze and causing Ginny to shudder in fear. Santa stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes narrowing. His elves had now cast a tight net around the scene, hemming in Krampus. One circle of warriors faced inward, pointing their weapons at the abomination while another behind them faced out, prepared for any further attacks. Santa didn't move. "Let the girl go, Krampus," he said levelly. "This doesn't concern her." "Oh, I beg to differ," said the beastman in an almost non-chalant tone. "It's always about the children, isn't it?" "Hey!" said Ginny angrily. "I am not a child, jerk! I'm twenty, Gurr!" "Oh, do stop talking, you're such an annoyance." Krampus said, giving her neck another warning squeeze. "Let the adults work this out." "There's nothing to work out, Krampus," Santa growled, his blue eyes flashing. "You'll let the girl go." "I think we both know that's not happening," intoned the vile intruder. "She is my victory over you, and you know it. Revenge is not only a dish best served cold but often. And not often enough for me." "About this cold revenge dish thing," Ginny said, squirming slightly. "Couldn't; couldn't I just find you a nice tin can to chew on instead?" "Shut up, girl!" Krampus said harshly while several elves could be heard to chuckle and even Santa smirked at her jest. "I hold your life in my hands, to dispose of as I please." His foul breath crackled in the cold night air. His touch was uncomfortably warm, almost hot and strangely kept her body from freezing in the winter night. His touch felt evil and her skin crawled in revulsion. His strength was terrifying. "It wasn't enough that I slaved in coal mines for you, giving you carbon lumps to deliver to naughty children," Krampus growled, glaring at Santa. "It wasn't enough that I found the worst of them and brought them to you in the night so you could lecture them." "Hey, nobody asked you or ordered you to do the coal thing, pal," Santa said angrily. "And the whole kidnapping kids thing was your idea. I decided to let you have some creative control and look what happened. When it didn't work out, you decided that beating naughty kids with reeds was the answer. You're damn right that wasn't good enough!" "Silence!" Krampus snarled loudly, stamping one of his clawed hooves and making the ground shake dangerously. "Your kind-hearted foolishness with these puny mortals changed nothing about their behavior! Your failure to recognize their inherent selfishness was why our efforts were doomed!" "These puny mortals?" Santa countered. "You used to be one of them, Pete, remember? You were a well-behaved boy once." "Shut up!" growled Krampus. "Well-behaved, but not good," Santa continued. "You followed the rules and wanted everyone to follow rules. You were a control freak. I brought you north to show you what kindness could do, but you hated the cheer and the happiness and you fled to the coal mines in Greenland, hiding in the dark where the light of Christmas couldn't touch you! And when making kids feel bad with coal didn't bring them into line, you started the whole whipping them with reeds thing. Good job there, Pete!" "I'm warning you, Kringle;" Krampus said dangerously. "Oh, he really gets your goat, doesn't he?" Ginny sneered, causing several elves to laugh loudly. Krampus now snarled furiously and lifted her into the air by her neck, causing her to cry out in pain. Santa watched warily, knowing better than to make a move. "We seem to have an impasse," Krampus said, an evil smile playing over his slavering mouth. "You cannot harm me, because you know I can slay the child, but I cannot as yet slay her because she is my bargaining chip. But my need to hurt you, old man, is so very strong." He lowered Ginny down until her feet were just touching the snow-covered ground. She frowned as she heard a wet slithering sound she could not identify. "And there are other ways to hurt you than slaying the poor dear, aren't there?" Ginny felt something slimy touch her leg and then start to crawl up it, wrapping around her smooth skin. She shuddered and squirmed in horror as she realized exactly what was happening. The snake-like appendage wound up her thigh and then behind her. She gasped as it slid between her ass cheeks and then underneath to her cunt. She felt the blunt head split her lips and then move upward again. "Don't do this, Krampus." Santa said, trying to figure out what to do without hurting Ginny. "And why not?" replied the qliphotic abomination. "Don't you have a present for me? Then I guess I'll have to give myself one." Krampus' organ continued to slither its way around her body, leaving a glistening trail on her skin. She stiffened and moaned as his appendage wrapped around her tits, squeezing them, the head pausing and teasing the nipples. "Hey, asshole, dinner and a movie first!" she spat angrily. Ginny was about to say something else when the large, grayish cockhead snaked up in front of her face and then plunged into her mouth, causing her to gag and go silent. Her eyes widened and she thrashed furiously, but to no avail. He was simply too strong. "Language, young lady." Krampus chided, still staring at Santa. "Hasn't Santa taught you anything?" "This isn't gonna end well for you, Pete." Santa said, his tone dire. "Christmas never does, Kringle," replied the demon, his cock sliding in and out of Ginny's mouth. "I'm just hoping to make the holiday every bit as awful and intolerable for you as it is for me. After all, misery loves company." He brought her body close to his head and his other hand reached over and stroked her cunt lips, which were glistening. He leered at his foe, knowing Santa was helpless to get closer. "Is she good down here?" Krampus said mockingly. "Nice and wet and tight for you? Was she the best one ever, in the endless list of good girls you have fucked?" Santa said nothing, just glaring at Krampus. His knuckles were white as he clenched his fists. "Sharing your toys is the spirit of Christmas, isn't it?" Krampus said evilly, finally pulling his cock out of her mouth. Ginny coughed and sputtered, tendrils of resinous spittle and worse trailing away from her lips. She glared at Krampus but was still immobilized. "Just get this over with and fuck me already, whip-cock," she spat. "You won't be my first egotistical disappointment, trust me." Krampus' eyes blazed red and his tongue sped around her naked form blindingly quickly while he released her from his clawed grip. The tongue wrapped and immobilized her arms, holding them out straight while still encircling her tits. It then snaked around her waist and legs, pinning those as well while his long cock, swaying about like a cobra, came to a stop in front of her swollen cunt lips. The head teased and tapped against the opening, causing her to moan and squirm. "As you wish, child;" The head forced itself through her lips, sliding deep inside her. Ginny cried out in a mixture of shock and indescribable pleasure. She felt the tip of his pointed tongue probe trailing around her nipples. The python-like length of his cock churned inside her cunt. The blinding light behind her eyes finally receded and she lifted her head, looking out into the night, feeling his tongue constricting around her neck. She could dimly see a huge being in red pants and black boots watching nearby, his powerful chest exposed. The startling blue eyes flashed in the darkness of the night. She could tell he wanted to rescue her but didn't dare come closer. She gasped and shuddered as Krampus' cock pushed still deeper inside her. She felt fuller than she had imagined possible, the slithering appendage stretching her wide. The sticky, squelching noises were hardly to be believed. "Ew, gross! Hentai noises!" she thought in revulsion. "Krampus;" Santa warned. His elves all pointed their weapons menacingly but he held up his hand, staying them. "The child is naughty," Krampus said, smiling through pointed teeth. "Very naughty. Such a sordid past." "Hey, back off, she was young and needed the money!" Santa snapped defensively. "That thing with the midget and the donkey was” "You're not helping here!" Ginny shouted, blushing furiously, even as Krampus violated her. "Wicked child," growled the vile demon, shoving his cock in and out of her, the peristaltic actions of its length causing her to writhe and squirm in his grip, her breath coming in ragged gasps. "Shameless. Even though I violate her, she finds a way to be concerned about how you perceive her. I find it; titillating." "Oh, do I make you horny?" she sneered, turning her head to smirk at him. "Couldn't tell, looking at that head of yours." "Silence!" Krampus hissed, spittle flying from his jaws, his eyes flashing angrily. "I hold your life and death in my hands." "How would I know?" she shot back. "Hope you're better with your hands than you are with your cock, Billy G." He plunged his cock deeper still inside her. She went rigid and cried out. "That all you got?" she rasped, trying not to faint as she felt popping inside her hips while he stetched her. "My brother got in deeper than that when we were little!" "Insolent!" Krampus snarled savagely, bouncing her up and down and he fucked her harder than ever, pulling on her arms and legs, stretching her joints til they creaked. She felt a deep, wet heat building inside her and in spite of the horror she consciously felt about the situation, even more dire was her need to cum. She felt her cunt squeezing around his cock. His snake-like tongue probed her ass and wriggled inside, further adding to her desperation. "Intholent bith, you will be punithed!" "What was that?" Santa asked, turning his head slightly and putting his hand to his ear. "I couldn't understand you, it's like you have a lisp or something." "Don't mock meef!" Krampus said angrily, his tongue whipping out of Ginny's ass, causing her to yelp suddenly. "I'll kill her, Kringle!" "Not before I cum, damn you!" Ginny panted, her body flushed and covered in sweat as she twisted and writhed in his grip. "Uh, so close, goddammit!" "Language!" Santa and Krampus both snapped at her. "Aw, c'mon!" she wailed. "You two are total pains in the ass! Do it, Billy! Show me what a bad boy you are!" Krampus glared at her and began fucking her harder than ever. "As you wish, child!" "Krampus!" Santa shouted, reaching out his hand in alarm. "Don't!" Krampus grinned evilly at Santa, his teeth clenching as he drew close to climax. His cock seemed to swell along its length, stretching her wider still. She threw her head back and gritted her teeth, straining as she was overwhelmed by sensation; Santa's fist slammed across Krampus' jaw with a powerful crack. The demonoid's eyes rolled into his head and he crumpled to the ground. Ginny wailed in frustration as his cock pulled out of her and retreated back to his body, like a wet, slimy Stanley tape measure. She collapsed to her hands and knees in the snow, panting and shaking, her eyes wide. Santa raced up and knelt next to her, his eyes shining with concern. "Fuck;" Ginny whispered, gasping for air. "Motherfucker;" She looked up at her rescuer now, her eyes flashing accusingly. "The hell? Couldn't you have let him make me cum first?" Santa paused. "What?" "I was so damn close!" she hissed, standing up and stamping her foot. "I was within half a second of the orgasm of my life and you had to choose that moment to intervene and play the hero! Don't expect a thank you card!" "Uh, Virginia," Santa said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, trying to figure out what to say. "If he had brought you to orgasm, it would have killed you. When Krampus climaxes, his appendage you were so attached to bursts into spikes, basically killing you from the inside while denying you your orgasm." She paused and then deflated. "Holy cobra dildos. What a bastard." Ginny then pointed a finger at her savior. "But you still owe me an orgasm, then, pal. You may have rescued me from certain death, but that doesn't mean I don't need relief." Santa looked really confused. "What, here? Now?" "Damn straight," she said firmly, suddenly remembering she was buck naked in a snow-storm. In spite of the no-doubt freezing weather, her body was still warm and very wet with need. She put her hand down her cunt and felt around for a moment before presenting her sticky palm and fingers to Santa for inspection. "Do I look satisfied to you? You've already fucked me, Screamo the Goat Boy just fucked me, who cares if your freaky gay elves watch us? I need satisfaction now and I already am aware that you can't say no." Santa sighed. "It's gotta be quick, Virginia. I'm really behind, now that I'm completely temporal in one location." "Whatever, just get me to the promised land, man." Ginny replied, shrugging. "Who knows, maybe your entourage might enjoy a show." "Oh, right, about that," Santa said, standing up tall and shouting loudly. "About; Face!" As a single unit, the elves all turned around smartly on their heels, still arranged in a protective ring around their liege and his companion, weapons ready as they scanned the darkness for trouble, their eyes glowing menacingly inside their helmets. Santa strode up to Ginny, towering over her and ignoring the prostrate form of the still-unconscious Krampus, snuffling nearby. She smiled up at him, somehow warmed by his presence, in spite of the icy night she should have frozen to death in already. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply. She moaned into his mouth as she felt her already molten core getting even more heated in response to his touch. Tongues tangled and played as he took her ass cheeks in his hands and squeezed them, making her shiver. Ginny's hands fumbled with his large black belt until it fell away and then pulled down his red pants. He pulled her onto his powerful thighs, resting her on them. She hooked her legs behind his waist and began grinding her wet, eager cunt against his hardening cock, which swelled readily. Her head was almost spinning, she was so horny. "Hmm, give it to me, baby," she purred, feeling the head of his cock touch her cunt lips. "Make me cum hard and fast." She sighed loudly as he pulled her close, penetrating and sliding deep inside her. Ginny moaned shamelessly as Santa once again began to pump back and forth inside her. His huge cock stretched her cunt wide, but not in the violent, violating way Krampus did. This felt warm and utterly perfect. She nipped at the skin of his chest while he moved in and out of her. "Yes," Ginny breathed as he began to moved faster, pumping strongly and rhythmically. She could feel her wetness trickling down between her cheeks, her cunt clutching at him hungrily, greedily and unwilling to let go until it was somehow sated. "Oh, God, just what I needed. Yes, fuck me, Santa!" He gripped her tight and thrust into her, picking up his pace just the way she wanted. She was gasping and yelping now and he squeezed her cheeks, one of his fingers poking inside her puckered knot. She clenched her teeth and groaned at the intrusion, murmuring that she loved it. She grew warmer and warmer, her body tingling with an exquisite fire that rippled out from her core. Santa turned her around and set her feet on top of his boots, bending her forward and pulling on her arms. She cried out as he fucked her harder, his hips thumping against her ass cheeks. Her hands clenched wildly, her breath coming in gasps as his overwhelming strength dominated her. "Oh, God!" she panted, beginning to shudder uncontrollably, almost drooling. "Uh, cum in me, dammit! Fucking cum in me!" Santa pulled on her arms even tighter as his thighs slammed into her. Ginny strained, craning her neck, teeth clenched as she tried not to scream, but it was no use, she wailed loudly as he came inside her, filling her once again in a way she could not describe. Her orgasm shook every last atom of her being, transporting her to a world of nothing but pleasure, edged with mint. She buckled, hanging loosely in his arms, exhausted. She'd been fucked hard at least five times tonight and had a dreadful suspicion that this experience would only make her libido even more hyperactive. She sighed as Santa scooped her naked form into his arms and cuddled her against the cold. Ginny purred and traced a fingernail across his broad chest. "Thank you," she said quietly. "Just what the doctor ordered. That quenched the flames, for now." He finally put her down and she looked at the remains of her ruined chateau, which was completely leveled and now on fire. "Poor Oatmeal," she murmured. "Where am I going to live?" She scowled down at the still supine Krampus, anger flaring in her. "It's this jack wagon’s fault. You should totally napalm his face." Santa looked down at her in shock. "Did you just say I should jerk off in Krampus' face?" "Damn right, he'd deserve it too." Ginny announced. "That and shove your sleigh up his ass." "I am not jizzing in Krampus' face." Santa said, clearly repulsed by the suggestion. "Fine, leave a woman to do a man's job," Ginny said testily, striding over to Krampus and putting one leg on either side of his head. She stuck three fingers inside her cunt and managed to tease out considerable amounts of Santa's minty cum, which she smeared all over Krampus' face and into his fur with glee, even giving him a glistening white moustache. "Take that, asshole!" She looked like she might have been done desecrating the unconscious form, but then she paused and squatted over him, peeing on his body and face, the stream steaming in the cold night air. She grinned evilly as she thoroughly baptized him. "Teach you to mess with me." Ginny muttered as she walked back to Santa, nodding. The huge man had a wide smirk on his face and shook his head slowly. "I can't believe you just pissed all over Krampus," he said, hugging her to him. "However, you're going to freeze to death at this rate;" He held out his hand and one of his elves dutifully brought him a large, velvety red cloak, which he wrapped around her. She blushed and smiled gratefully at his consideration, but only until he slid it off her, revealing that she was now wearing some ridiculous 'Hot Christmas Elf' outfit, complete with striped stockings and high heels. She looked like a Yule whore. "Seriously?" she asked, unimpressed. "This is your solution to my naked issues?" He shrugged. "I liked you better naked, but you would freeze quickly." "Whatever," she sighed, looking down and appreciating the considerable lift it gave her cleavage. It was incredibly warm, in spite of how scant it was. "So now what? I still have no damn home, you and Goatse here blew it up with your little barnyard brawl." Santa looked around warily. "That might be the least of your worries. The wind's picking up again, which means that another assault is coming. We need to get out of here." "Sire!" said one of the armored elves, thumping his fist to his breastplate and bowing his head. "We will cover you. You must go while you still have a head-start and the dark one is unconscious." Santa nodded. "Yeah, he's not gonna be happy when he wakes up and he's really gonna want revenge on you, Virginia." She felt her mouth go dry at the notion of another battle and Krampus waking up to even the score. "So; now what?" Santa shrugged. "I'd say it's fairly obvious. I've still got to make my rounds before the night is over and I'm not leaving you here;" She gaped as he put his hands on her shoulders and looked down into her eyes. "Virginia, you're coming with me and you're going to help save Christmas." Chapter 3, Christmas Wishes "How the hell do you drive this thing?" Ginny called in a panic, her eyes wide as she held onto the reigns, twisting them wildly as she tried to steer. Up ahead of her, eight large reindeer squealed and thrashed their heads. The sleigh corkscrewed while it hurtled through the cold night air, the moon shining down on them. "Well, first of all, stop panicking," Santa replied as he stood on the back of the sleigh, atop his huge red sack of toys. He was more or less back to his original size she had become accustomed to, now that he had sent his other 'iterations' of himself out over the globe to deliver presents. "That would be an excellent start." "Easy for you to say," she snapped, scowling back at him for a moment since taking her eyes off her designated path seemed to make no difference to how she was doing at navigating. "You're used to doing this!" "Trust me, between the two of us, you're the one with the easy job right now and I'd be happy to trade," he called back as he ducked wildly. A comically large rocket thundered by, with an evil-looking man strapped to the bottom of it, swinging a weapon wildly to hit Santa. "Try to keep her steady!" "While dodging psychos on rockets, no problem!" she grumbled, trying to ignore the howling wind and roaring projectiles. "Have I mentioned Krampus is a gigantic asshole?" "Repeatedly," Santa answered, watching warily. The sky was threaded with jets of fire as their enemies kept coming about in ponderous, elliptical arcs and heading back towards them, intent on their destruction. They had only just pulled off from the smoldering remains of Ginny's country chateau when the assault began. Krampus was nowhere to be seen, but his minions were clearly determined to avenge him. "Maybe urinating on him wasn't such a good idea. He never did take humiliation well." Ginny squawked in alarm and ducked as a rocket streaked right at her. Santa jumped in the air, doing the splits to avoid the projectile and landing back on top of his present sack. Another tried to pull up alongside them but Santa grabbed the harness the man was wearing and wrenched the rocket off course, sending it speeding into one some distance away. Both rockets (and presumably their pilots) exploded in a violent orgy of noise and flashing lights. "Really hope people just think those are fireworks," Santa muttered as he looked glared balefully at yet another rocket considering approaching. "Fireworks right in the middle of the world's most spastic meteor shower. Sure, they'll buy that;" "Funny part is I can't tell if you're serious," Ginny said loudly. "If they don't believe that narrative, then they've gotta accept that Santa Claus was engaged in an epic air battle over their town with quantum men strapped to rockets." "Truth is often stranger than fiction," Santa agreed, nodding. "Fighting these jerks off is taking too much time!" "Well, don't you have anything in your back of tricks there?" Ginny asked. In spite of the sleigh being open, it seemed to have some weird form of climate control and she'd been getting rather warm. To that end she'd pulled down her top, exposing her tits to cool herself off. The breeze allowed through made her nipples tingle delightfully, but not enough to distract her from driving the sleigh. After all, she often drove ninety minutes to her job wearing a vibrating insert in her panties, so she knew for a fact she could orgasm and still control a vehicle. A wheeled one, at least. She wasn't so sure about a sleigh doing Mach Three at twenty thousand feet. "You mean a weapon?" Santa asked. "In the bag full of toys for kids?" "You gave me a nerf gun out of that bag and it turned out to be some sort of doomsday device, didn't it?" she pointed out. "Scary lightning bolts everywhere. I refuse to believe you don't have some other goodies in there." Santa shrugged and squatted down to look inside the bag, getting narrowly missed by another rocket that shot over his head. The pilot cursed and came around again, aiming directly at the chassis of the sleigh from the side. Ginny's eyes widened in fright as she saw him approach. She jerked the reins to one side and the sleigh tilted ninety degrees, presenting its wide, flat red underside. The rocket slammed into it and exploded. Whatever it was made of or whatever shielding was in place, Ginny only heard the detonation and felt a rumble, but there was no damage aside from that. "Ha!" Santa said, standing tall and holding an electric guitar in the air, its black body gleamed in the moonlight. He put the strap around his neck and took several seconds to tune it, ignoring the aerial mayhem that swirled around him. "The hell are you going to do with that?" Ginny asked, scowling as she looked behind to see what he was up to. "You said to find something, I found something," he said simply as he checked the pickups. "Now let's see what we can do here;" He took the pick in hand and strummed it across the strings, a screeching pulse of sound blared out from the instrument, heading in all directions. It struck several rockets nearby, which exploded brightly. Other were knocked off course, spiraling around crazily as they fought for control. Santa laughed loudly, apparently enjoying himself. "Quit laughing and kill, red man!" Ginny yelled, nonplussed by his amusement. "I want to survive the night and I've had several close calls with death already!" "I'm working on it, Virginia, patience." Santa chided, adjusting the tuners momentarily. "Near-death experiences make you cranky." "No shit, Sherlock," she grumbled as he blasted out another screeching wave of sound. "Do you plan to play anything or just keep shrieking out that one sound?" "As you wish," he said cheerfully, pleased to be doing as she asked. Making her happy was all he cared about. He began playing a heavy metal version of Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries', the pulsing walls of sound thundering out and striking every foe within hundreds of

We delay having to have a conversation about Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time by positing a new hypothetical nobody else in the world has ever considered: what if goatse was a portal to another dimension?    Subscribe to the Patreon to hear us struggle through as really bad video game movie before we say fuck it and talk about the pleasures of crushing your enemies, seeing them driven before you, and listening to lamentations of their women (but in a woke way).

Primeramente sería interesante habla de la definición de inteligencia y una explicación podría ser: “La inteligencia se define como la capacidad de entender, comprender y aplicar conocimientos, razonar, resolver problemas y adaptarse al entorno.” Tener en cuenta que en todos los mitos creacionistas siempre que se le da al hombre el alito de vida se le da la inteligencia. En el Génesis, Dios sopla en la nariz de Adán y este se convierte en un “alma viviente”. Pero ese aliento no es solo oxígeno...es inteligencia, capacidad de nombrar las cosas, de distinguir, de elegir. Si eso es inteligencia ¿ la IA que es? Una definición que nos dan es; Disciplina científica que se ocupa de crear programas informáticos que ejecutan operaciones comparables a las que realiza la mente humana. Como el aprendizaje y el razonamiento lógico.Pero hay dos capacidades críticas que siguen siendo exclusivas de los seres humanos: la auténtica invención y la creatividad, por eso la verdadera AGI todavía no la tenemos ( Me refiero al comun de los mortales, los dueños del cortijo no lo sabemos) Otra cosa bien distinta es el conocimiento, que puede ha veces también traer problemas, como veremos más adelante. Y siempre un conocimiento superior da ventaja a aquel que lo posee sobre el que no. El Poder, detrás del velo de la IA y de la Agenda Transhumanista. No es una simple mejora tecnológica, sino un proyecto milenario y oscuro para someter a la humanidad a un control total, utilizando la programación mental y los rituales como herramientas fundamentales para transformar a los humanos en seres dóciles y previsibles. El transhumanismo no busca mejorar a la humanidad, sino "restar", es decir, crear una infrahumanidad funcional y dócil. En lugar de sumar, el proyecto consistiría en una especie de ingeniería inversa: tomar lo mejor del ser humano (la inteligencia colectiva, la creatividad, el libre albedrío) y limitarlo para crear un "esclavo más eficaz". Es un proyecto de dos caras. Mientras una élite minoritaria se convierte en suprahumanidad (eugenismo), la mayoría de la población es degenerada a una condición de infrahumanidad (disgenismo), convirtiéndose en una especie de zombis que alimentan el sistema con su energía vital. Robotización del humano frente a humanización del robot. la cuestión crucial no es la humanización del robot (es decir, hacer que los robots parezcan humanos), sino la robotización del humano. Esta robotización no significa parecerse a una máquina, sino comportarse de una manera "inhumana": sin libertad, sin sentimientos, sin creatividad, sin preguntarse por el sentido de la vida. Hablar de IA es hablar de una tecnología clave y disruptiva que va a alterar numerosos aspectos de nuestras vidas. Pero hay que dejar algo claro: esta tecnología está siendo manejada y dosificada por el poder real, los verdaderos amos del mundo. No sabemos quiénes son, pero sí sabemos que no son las marionetas que nos ponen en escena. Sabemos, eso sí, que son los mismos que manejan la liquidez del sistema monetario internacional, creando ciclos de crisis y orden de los que siempre sacan provecho. Existe un poder oculto, también conocido como “Estado profundo”, que canaliza de forma importante los flujos emocionales y energéticos de la sociedad. Utilizan técnicas ancestrales y conocimientos transmitidos entre iniciados, que se centran, entre otras cosas, en conseguir el control social de la forma más práctica y económica posible para ellos. A la vista de todos, usan a líderes y estrellas como arquetipos para los no iniciados, desde presidentes hasta directivos de grandes empresas. Al mismo tiempo, en el "obscenario" y apartados de la vista de todos, realizan otros rituales donde lo sincronizan todo según sus creencias, donde siempre hablan de la LUZ, aquella que robó Prometeo y mirar el infierno que le tocó padecer después de adquirir el conocimiento que los dioses no querían que tuviera. Lo que es crucial entender es que estas tecnologías tan relevantes están siendo planificadas, manejadas y dosificadas desde el mismo centro del poder. Nos hacen creer que hay diferentes empresas que compiten entre sí por el mercado, pero esa disputa escenificada no es real. Todas trabajan para los mismos amos, con un objetivo ya marcado: avanzar en su agenda a medida que la sociedad normaliza sus ideas. Este es el primer punto clave: la relación entre la IA y el transhumanismo. Debemos abordar este concepto porque la fusión hombre-máquina es uno de los objetivos de la agenda de control. Buscan crear un tipo de “ser híbrido”, sin alma y fácil de controlar. Un futuro distópico que podría cumplirse si no nos oponemos a ello. El momento crucial para la consecución de sus objetivos sería cuando, una vez normalizado el asunto, consigan fabricar "humanos" mediante vientres artificiales. Con esto, tendrían solucionado el tema del control social. Podrían hacer "impresiones de andróginos" en la medida que los necesiten, igual que emiten el dinero que quieren. Serían personas desarraigadas, sin familia, sin descendencia y quizás incluso sin genitales. Su inteligencia estaría genéticamente limitada según la tarea que deban desempeñar. Podrían incluso crear emisiones especiales de híbridos con electrónica insertada en su organismo, conectados a redes y potenciados en sus capacidades, lo que supondría un grado de control inimaginable. Pero esperemos que la sociedad reaccione y evite estos peligros. Ahora que hemos enmarcado la situación, es hora de pasar a los orígenes de la inteligencia artificial. La historia oficial nos suele presentar estos hitos como hechos aislados, para que no entendamos las conexiones ni miremos debajo de la alfombra. Pero si descodificamos la historia, veremos que la idea de la IA no es un invento reciente, sino que tiene raíces profundas en la filosofía, los mitos y las tradiciones ancestrales. La história podría empezar perfectamente con la historia de Adán y Eva y su expulsión del paraiso por la adquisición del conocimiento prohibido."Si comes de este fruto, serás como Dios. Conocerás el bien y el mal." Dijo la serpiente y Adan y eva al igual que Prometeo también acabaron castigados por Dios. En Génesis 3:22, se dice: “Ahora el hombre ha venido a ser como uno de nosotros, al conocer el bien y el mal. Que no extienda ahora su mano y tome también del árbol de la vida, y coma, y viva para siempre…”. ¿Qué tipo de conocimiento adquiere Eva? No se trata de conocimiento técnico o científico, sino algo más profundo y existencial: Conocimiento moral: la capacidad de distinguir entre el bien y el mal. Autoconciencia: al instante, Eva (y luego Adán) se da cuenta de que está desnuda. Esto implica vergüenza, intimidad, juicio propio. Libre albedrío: al desobedecer, ejerce una elección. Ya no es solo criatura, sino agente. Comer del fruto es adquirir la conciencia humana tal como la entendemos hoy: saber que uno existe, que puede decidir, y que sus actos tienen consecuencias. Las manzanas envenenadas🧙‍♀️ Blancanieves📖 Eva en el Edén🧪 Alan Turing (leyenda urbana) Se dice que murió tras comer una manzana envenenada con cianuro, aunque no está confirmado. Curiosamente, el logo de Apple con una manzana mordida ha alimentado esta teoría. 🎯 Guillermo Tell Obligado a disparar con una ballesta a una manzana colocada sobre la cabeza de su hijo. Aunque no estaba envenenada, el riesgo era mortal. Podríamos hablar de Talos el primer "androide" de la historia.Talos era un gigante de bronce, forjado por Hefesto (el dios herrero) por encargo de Zeus o de Minos, rey de Creta (según la versión). Tenía una única vena que recorría su cuerpo entero, sellada con un clavo o perno de bronce en el tobillo. En lugar de sangre, su cuerpo contenía "icor", el fluido vital de los dioses. En la edad media en el siglo XIIl el trabajo de Ramón Llull, conocido como el Ars Magna, puede considerarse un precursor conceptual de la inteligencia artificial. Mas adelante si hay tiempo hablaremos de él. En la alquimia, la idea de fabricar un "hombre artificial" o homúnculo fue explorada por figuras como Paracelso, quien describió procedimientos para su creación. Similarmente, los alquimistas islámicos investigaron el concepto de takwin, la creación artificial de vida. En Praga en el siglo XVI los judios hablan del Golem, criatura sin alma creada para servir al hombre. hecha de barro o arcilla y animada mediante palabras sagradas, la inserción de nombres divinos. Con el advenimiento del siglo XIX, estas visiones se trasladaron al ámbito de la ficción literaria. Obras como "Frankenstein" de Mary Shelley exploraron las implicaciones éticas de crear seres conscientes, mientras que "R.U.R." (Rossum's Universal Robots) de Karel Čapek, publicada en 1920, introdujo el término "robot" al léxico global, marcando un punto de inflexión en la conceptualización de las máquinas con capacidad de trabajo autónomo. Y aquí en este punto es cuando entramos en los años 50 son considerados el punto de partida oficial de la inteligencia artificial moderna. Aunque hubo ideas previas, fue en esa década cuando la IA empezó a tomar forma como disciplina científica. Aquí te dejo los hitos clave: 🔹 1950: Alan Turing y su famosa prueba Publica "Computing Machinery and Intelligence" y propone el Test de Turing, una forma de evaluar si una máquina puede pensar como un humano. 🔹 1956: Conferencia de Dartmouth Organizada por John McCarthy, quien acuñó el término "Inteligencia Artificial". Reunió a pioneros como Marvin Minsky y Claude Shannon para discutir cómo crear máquinas inteligentes. 🔹 Primeros modelos y algoritmos Se desarrollan los primeros perceptrones (redes neuronales simples) por Frank Rosenblatt en 1958. Se crean programas capaces de jugar a las damas o resolver teoremas matemáticos. 🧪 Aunque los avances eran limitados por la tecnología de la época, estos años sentaron las bases para todo lo que vino después: aprendizaje automático, redes neuronales profundas, procesamiento de lenguaje natural… ¡y hasta Hoy! Para empezar este recorrido, es fundamental detenernos en la figura de Ramon Llull, un filósofo, teólogo y cortesano del siglo XIII. Nacimiento: 1232, Palma de Mallorca, España. Fallecimiento: 1316, en el Mediterráneo. El trabajo de Llull, conocido como el Ars Magna, puede considerarse un precursor conceptual de la inteligencia artificial. Pero no es un conocimiento que se le ocurriera de la nada. Como buen cortesano y perteneciente a una buena familia, Llull era conocedor de saberes ancestrales recogidos en otras tradiciones, que simplemente se expresan de otra manera. La relación entre su trabajo y la IA moderna se basa en varios puntos clave. Para empezar, la mecanización del razonamiento. El Ars Magna partía de la premisa de que el razonamiento y la verdad podían descomponerse en principios básicos. Llull representaba estos conceptos con letras y los organizaba en figuras geométricas como círculos concéntricos que podían ser girados. El objetivo era combinar estos principios de forma sistemática para generar proposiciones lógicamente válidas, demostrando verdades de forma infalible. Esta idea de un sistema mecánico que genera conocimiento de forma automática a partir de reglas definidas es la base de los sistemas computacionales y de la IA. Es lo que podríamos llamar una "máquina lógica". En este sentido, la conexión de Llull con la Cábala y la gematría es evidente. El Ars Magna se basa en un sistema simbólico donde las letras tienen un significado profundo. Su método de combinar principios es comparable a las técnicas cabalísticas de gematría (la interpretación numérica de las letras) y la combinación de las letras del alfabeto hebreo para obtener conocimientos ocultos. La idea subyacente es la misma: que la verdad y la sabiduría están codificadas en los símbolos y pueden ser reveladas a través de su manipulación sistemática. Podríamos decir que Llull inventó el primer "hardware" de pensamiento simbólico, aunque su "software" fuera más filosófico que informático. Mecanización del razonamiento: El Ars Magna partía de la premisa de que el razonamiento y la verdad podían ser descompuestos en principios básicos. Llull representaba estos conceptos con letras y los organizaba en figuras geométricas (discos giratorios). El objetivo era combinar estos principios de forma sistemática para generar proposiciones lógicas válidas. Esta idea de un sistema mecánico que, a partir de reglas y principios definidos, genera conocimiento de forma automática, es la base de los sistemas computacionales y la IA moderna. Los Dignidades de Dios o Principios Absolutos: Representados por letras de la B a la K, Llull consideraba que estos eran atributos divinos universales y perfectos. Son: B - Bondad C - Grandeza D - Eternidad E - Poder F - Sabiduría G - Voluntad H - Virtud I - Verdad K - Gloria Principios Relativos: Estos conceptos representaban relaciones entre los principios absolutos y se usaban para generar proposiciones lógicas. Incluyen: Diferencia Concordancia Contrariedad Principio Medio Fin Mayoridad Igualdad Minoridad Al combinar estos principios de forma mecánica, Llull creía que se podía demostrar cualquier verdad de manera infalible, creando así la primera "máquina de pensar" de la historia. El concepto de combinatoria: La obra de Llull se fundamenta en el arte de la combinatoria, explorando todas las relaciones lógicas posibles entre los conceptos a través del movimiento de sus discos. Este enfoque es un antecedente directo de la computación y la IA, donde los algoritmos y programas informáticos no son más que un conjunto de instrucciones que combinan datos y operaciones de manera sistemática para resolver problemas. Lenguaje y símbolos artificiales: Llull creó un alfabeto artificial de nueve letras para representar y manipular conceptos. De manera similar, la IA se construye sobre lenguajes de programación, que son sistemas simbólicos con reglas precisas diseñados para que las máquinas puedan procesar información y ejecutar operaciones de forma estructurada. En resumen, aunque el Ars Magna no era una computadora en el sentido moderno, la visión de Llull de que el pensamiento podía ser mecanizado y manipulado a través de un sistema de símbolos y reglas combinatorias es un antecedente directo de los principios que rigen la inteligencia artificial. De hecho, su influencia fue reconocida por figuras posteriores como el filósofo y matemático Gottfried Leibniz, quien también se considera un pionero de la computación. Podríamos decir que Llull inventó el primer "hardware" de pensamiento simbólico, aunque su "software" fuera más filosófico que informático. La gracia de la historia es que él quería convencer a herejes y, sin saberlo, sentó las bases para que hoy una IA te esté respondiendo Tanto la Cábala como el Ars Magna se basan en un sistema simbólico donde las letras y los números tienen un significado profundo. El método de Llull para combinar sus principios es comparable a las técnicas cabalísticas de gematría (interpretación numérica de las letras) y la combinación de las letras del alfabeto hebreo para obtener conocimientos ocultos. La idea subyacente es que la verdad y la sabiduría están codificadas en los símbolos y pueden ser reveladas a través de su manipulación sistemática. En resumen podemos entrever que Llull como buen cortesano y perteneciente a una buena familia era conocedor de conocimientos ancestrales recogidos en otras tradiciones y simplemente se expresan de otra manera. ………………………………………………………………………………………. Cleón la contracción entre clon y eón. Un eón es una unidad de tiempo geológico de escala extremadamente larga, utilizada para dividir la historia de la Tierra en los períodos más amplios. Representa miles de millones de años y es la división más grande en la escala de tiempo geológico, por encima de las eras, períodos, épocas y edades. Por ejemplo, la historia de la Tierra se divide en cuatro eones principales algunos de más de 2000 millones de años. Vivimos actualmente en el Fanerozoico que se traduce como "vida visible" o "vida evidente". Este término fue acuñado para describir el eón geológico que comenzó hace aproximadamente 541 millones de años Reglamento Europeo sobre Inteligencia Artificial (LA LEY 16665/2024) casualmente tiene un 666 ………………………………………………………………………………………. Hector, el webmaster del hilo rojo decía en un reciente programa sobre Palantir: “Palantir es el panóptico del siglo XXI. El ojo del gran hermano de Orwell.” El panoptico es un tipo de diseño que nos permite controlar un amplio espacio desde un único punto sin ser detectados. Se trata de la garita del vigilante en medio de la prisión, de la torre de control. El filósofo utilitarista Jeremy Bentham fue su diseñador, Hector nos mostró como este señor era también masón y estaba relacionado al mas alto nivel. Les dejaremos el enlace al video en la descripción del podcast. En un anterior programa de enero donde en el mismo canal analizaron que es Palantir comprobaba yo para preparar este podcast que TODAS las fuentes que presentaba @ElHiloRojoTV en su video de enero de 2025 habian DESAPARECIDO. Estamos hablando de artículos publicados en Forbes, The Guardian, Bloomberg, Financial Times, CNBC o incluso el propio MIT. En todos los casos el enlace original ha desaparecido, ojo, no digo que haya desaparecido el artículo en sí, pero han cortado el enlace original. Leo textualmente de una descripción del Hilo rojo sobre lo que es Palantir añadiendo yo algunas cosas: Creada en 2003 con el apoyo de In-Q-Tel, el fondo de inversión de la CIA, Palantir se diseñó para procesar grandes cantidades de información y hacer conexiones invisibles para el ojo humano. Su fundador, Peter Thiel, también cofundador de PayPal, ha estado siempre en la intersección entre tecnología, poder y vigilancia global. Palantir no solo analiza datos, sino que los fusiona en tiempo real: redes sociales, correos electrónicos, transacciones bancarias y hasta movimientos físicos. ¿Os acordáis del PNR? Pues esto es aún mucho más intrusivo ya que muchísimas organizaciones y países han acordado compartir sus bases de datos con Palantir. ¿Qué significa esto? Una red de control total, donde cada actividad queda registrada, permitiendo a gobiernos y corporaciones predecir comportamientos y tomar decisiones basadas en modelos algorítmicos. Palantir es utilizada por el Pentágono, la NSA, la CIA, el FBI, Interpol y gobiernos europeos y latinoamericanos. También lo utilizan grandes empresas como bancos o multinacionales. Sus herramientas se usan en operaciones antiterroristas, control de fronteras, vigilancia de ciudadanos y hasta persecución de disidentes políticos. ¿Hasta qué punto este nivel de vigilancia está transformando las democracias en estados de control absoluto? Su software ha sido utilizado en conflictos como la guerra en Ucrania, ayudando a identificar objetivos estratégicos y a procesar inteligencia en tiempo real. Palantir convierte el Big Data en un arma de guerra: soldados equipados con dispositivos conectados a su red pueden recibir información detallada sobre el enemigo en segundos. ¿Estamos entrando en una era donde la guerra es digital antes que física? A medida que más gobiernos y empresas adoptan Palantir, los límites entre seguridad, privacidad y control social se vuelven borrosos. ¿Es Palantir una herramienta para el bien o el paso final hacia una sociedad hipervigilada? ………………………………………………………………………………………. Los origenes de Palantir están en la Oficina de Conciencia de la Información ( IAO ) fue establecida por la Agencia de Proyectos de Investigación Avanzada de Defensa de los Estados Unidos (DARPA) en enero de 2002 para reunir varios proyectos de DARPA centrados en la aplicación de la vigilancia y la tecnología de la información para rastrear y monitorear a terroristas y otras amenazas asimétricas a la seguridad nacional de los Estados Unidos mediante el logro de " Conciencia de la Información Total “ o en inglés "Total Information Awareness" (TIA). Sí. La TIA, la agencia secreta para la que trabajaban Mortadelo y Filemón ha existido. La IAO se creó después de que el almirante John Poindexter , ex asesor de seguridad nacional de los Estados Unidos del presidente Ronald Reagan , y el ejecutivo de SAIC Brian Hicks se acercaran al Departamento de Defensa de los EE. UU . con la idea de un programa de concientización sobre la información después de los ataques del 11 de septiembre de 2001. Querían reunir la mayor cantidad de información de la historia. Leemos en la wikipedia: “El 2 de agosto de 2002, Poindexter dio un discurso en DARPAtech 2002 titulado "Descripción general de la Oficina de Concienciación sobre la Información" en el que describió el programa TIA. Además del programa en sí, la participación de Poindexter como director de la IAO también generó inquietud entre algunos, ya que había sido condenado anteriormente por mentir al Congreso y alterar y destruir documentos relacionados con el caso Irán-Contra , aunque esas condenas fueron posteriormente revocadas con el argumento de que el testimonio utilizado en su contra estaba protegido.” ¿A que se dedicaba esta agencia? Veamos lo que nos dice la wikipedia: “Se logró mediante la creación de enormes bases de datos informáticas para recopilar y almacenar la información personal de todos los residentes de Estados Unidos, incluyendo correos electrónicos personales, redes sociales, registros de tarjetas de crédito, llamadas telefónicas, historiales médicos y muchas otras fuentes, sin necesidad de una orden de registro. La información se analizaba posteriormente para detectar actividades sospechosas, conexiones entre individuos y "amenazas". El programa también incluía financiación para tecnologías de vigilancia biométrica que permitieran identificar y rastrear a personas mediante cámaras de vigilancia y otros métodos. Tras las críticas públicas de que el desarrollo y la implementación de la tecnología podrían llevar a un sistema de vigilancia masiva, el Congreso retiró la financiación de la IAO en 2003. Sin embargo, varios proyectos de la IAO siguieron financiándose bajo nombres diferentes, como reveló Edward Snowden durante las revelaciones de vigilancia masiva de 2013.” El pionero y más relevante programa de predictividad subjetiva fue la Strategic Subject List (SSL) elaborada en el año 2012 por el Instituto de Tecnología de Illinois, adoptado por la Policía de Chicago desde el año 2012. Ya en el año 2017, el conjunto de datos incluía a 398.684 personas. Han existido programas predictivos como Programa de Delincuentes Crónicos (2011-2019, PredPol y Operación LÁSER (Extracción y Restauración Estratégica en Los Ángeles), estos dos polémicos programas predictivos empleados durante una década por la Policía de Los Ángeles (LAPD), ahora ya desactivados por la cantidad de abusos y fallos cometidos. Dice Luis Lafont en su tesis “La policía predictiva más allá de Minority Report”: “Las empresas que desarrollan programas predictivos se escudan con frecuencia en el secreto comercial para no revelar los criterios que se siguen en la elaboración del algoritmo y evitar que otras compañías puedan copiar el software. Ello determina que los sistemas predictivos siguen de forma mayoritaria un modelo de caja negra que no explica al público en general ni a los usuarios los argumentos y razonamientos detrás de la predicción, en particular por quienes deben aplicarlas.” También en Europa, los sistemas predictivos de vigilancia policial se utilizan para anticipar y prevenir delitos mediante el análisis de datos. En Francia, el Analyst Notebook (i2AN) se emplea para combatir estructuras criminales y terrorismo, conectando personas y crímenes. En Italia, KeyCrime predice atracos analizando características de sospechosos y modus operandi. En los Países Bajos, el CAS identifica áreas de riesgo delictivo mediante mapas espacio-temporales. En Alemania, PRECOBS, SKALA y KIMPRO predicen la repetición de crímenes usando patrones geográficos. En el Reino Unido, Predpol, Gang Matrix y HART se centran en puntos calientes, bandas y reiteración criminal. En España, el P3-DSS (Predictive Police Patrolling) genera mapas de puntos calientes para optimizar patrullajes, EuroCop Pred-Crime apoya la predicción de delitos, y VioGen se enfoca en prevenir la violencia de género, mientras que un programa de la Guardia Civil predice incendios forestales mediante perfiles psicosociológicos. ………………………………………………………………………………………. Resumen ejecutivo de Palantir 22 de febrero de 2017 RESUMEN EJECUTIVO Palantir es la plataforma analítica líder en el mercado, utilizada a nivel estratégico, operativo y táctico en el gobierno de EE. UU. Nuestros clientes abarcan las comunidades de inteligencia, defensa y aplicación de la ley. Al combinar un potente backend con una interfaz intuitiva, Palantir le permite ejecutar sus misiones de lucha contra el terrorismo, el narcotráfico, la contrainteligencia y la contraproliferación con mayor rapidez y menos recursos. La plataforma integrada de Palantir está disponible hoy mismo y a un costo mucho menor al de un conjunto de capacidades comparable. DATOS CLAVE • Palantir es la plataforma analítica líder del mercado para CI (Contrainteligencia) , CT (Contraterrorismo), CN (Antinarcóticos) y CP (Prevención del Crimen), y actualmente se implementa en elementos de las comunidades de defensa, inteligencia y aplicación de la ley, incluyendo SOCOM (Comando de Operaciones Especiales), DIA (Agencia de Inteligencia de Defensa), CIA (Agencia Central de Inteligencia) y JIEDDO (Organización Conjunta para la Derrota de Dispositivos Explosivos Improvisados). • Palantir está listo para implementarse en su red hoy mismo. Está aprobado para JWICS (Sistema Conjunto de Comunicaciones de Inteligencia Mundial), SIPRNet (Red de Protocolo de Internet Secreta) y CWE (Entorno de Trabajo Colaborativo). • Nuestra plataforma 100 % abierta significa que Palantir se integrará a la perfección con todos sus sistemas heredados, actuales y futuros. • Con Palantir, los operadores pueden descubrir y explorar posibles conexiones utilizando cualquier tipo de información relacionada con cualquier persona, lugar o evento en su entorno analítico. Ya sea que los datos provengan de una computadora portátil en el campo, una base de datos de la sede central u otra agencia, Palantir monitorea todas las fuentes de datos de una empresa, en todos los dominios de seguridad y niveles de clasificación, para cualquier información relacionada con una entidad conocida (persona, vehículo, dispositivo de comunicación, etc.), lugar o amenaza que exista en el entorno de un operador. Desde el principio, Palantir se diseñó con la colaboración de operadores y analistas de la IC (Comunidad de Inteligencia) y el DoD (Departamento de Defensa). Sus valiosos comentarios han permitido la creación de un producto que permite a los usuarios realizar más trabajo en menos tiempo, a la vez que proporciona un mayor nivel de análisis. Palantir está diseñado para colaborar eficazmente con una red de otros usuarios, incluyendo aquellos desplegados en misiones avanzadas. Palantir se diseñó desde cero para hacer posible este tipo de solución empresarial distribuida. Palantir viene configurado con el modelo de seguridad más sofisticado del mercado. SATISFACIENDO SUS NECESIDADES DE MISIÓN. Palantir es la plataforma analítica empresarial líder a nivel mundial, que permite un entorno analítico seguro donde analistas, operadores y combatientes pueden aprovechar distintos tipos de datos de múltiples INT (Fuentes de Inteligencia. Diferentes tipos de fuentes de inteligencia, como SIGINT (inteligencia de señales), HUMINT (inteligencia humana), GEOINT (inteligencia geoespacial), etc.), a la vez que comparten sus flujos de trabajo y descubrimientos para generar conocimiento a lo largo del tiempo. Palantir reúne de forma segura datos de tráfico de mensajes, bases de datos, informes de campo, hojas de cálculo, documentos de Word, archivos XML y prácticamente cualquier otro formato, lo que permite a los usuarios organizar los datos en conocimiento y establecer conexiones vitales. Palantir Technologies comprende los desafíos únicos que enfrentan sus usuarios. Esto incluye la necesidad de descubrir grandes volúmenes de datos, colaborar y compartir información controlada, así como la necesidad de gestionar múltiples fuentes de datos dispares y garantizar la continuidad de la información en todas las rotaciones. PLATAFORMA ABIERTA • Diseñado desde su inicio para integrarse con todos los sistemas heredados, actuales y futuros • Las APIs (Interfaces de Programación de Aplicaciones) abiertas y el modelo de datos flexible de Palantir le permiten personalizar y ampliar Palantir de forma fácil y sin gastos adicionales • Importe datos en cualquier formato: bases de datos, medios confiscados, correos electrónicos, Excel, Word, PowerPoint, html, texto, csv, xml, pdf y más • Funciona con herramientas existentes, incluyendo: extractores de entidades, kits de herramientas de PNL (Procesamiento del Lenguaje Natural), análisis de redes sociales, herramientas geoespaciales o de análisis de enlaces BÚSQUEDA Y DESCUBRIMIENTO • Capacidad de búsqueda integrada en tiempo real contra fuentes de datos definidas por el usuario • Busque entidades, eventos, documentos, tráfico de mensajes, basura de bolsillo, enlaces y rutas • Descubra cómo se relacionan, conectan y conectan en red las entidades • Explore las redes conceptualmente • Desarrolle y extraiga patrones de entidad/objetivo de referencia a través del análisis de patrones • Soporte completo para contenido y búsqueda en idiomas extranjeros • Establezca y guarde parámetros de búsqueda para avisar proactivamente al usuario sobre nueva información a medida que esté disponible HERRAMIENTAS ANALÍTICAS • Analice sus datos en el ámbito relacional, temporal y geoespacial dominios • Se integra con todas las aplicaciones GIS (Sistema de Información Geográfica), incluyendo ESRI (Empresa líder en software de sistemas de información geográfica, conocida por productos como ArcGIS), Google Earth, WebTAS (Sistema de Análisis de Línea de Tiempo basado en la Web) y muchas más • Funciona con sus sistemas analíticos de imágenes y video, incluyendo su metraje UAV (Vehículo Aéreo No Tripulado, o sea los drones). • Realice búsquedas geográficas, comprenda cómo se ven geoespacialmente los datos y la inteligencia • Averigüe por qué las cosas están sucediendo donde están Vea y edite expedientes virtuales detallados que muestran relaciones, propiedades, historiales, imágenes, videos, basura de bolsillo y más. • Averigüe dónde van a suceder a continuación • Comprenda cómo se relacionan los eventos a lo largo del tiempo y cómo se relacionan las entidades con los eventos • Identifique y aproveche patrones para el análisis predictivo • Realice análisis de redes sociales (SNA) (Análisis de Redes Sociales) y enlaces • Exporte resultados analíticos con información completa de abastecimiento • Ensamble presentaciones y paquetes de segmentación/casos automáticamente COLABORACIÓN • La colaboración ha sido parte del producto desde el inicio • Los usuarios pueden compartir datos, shoeboxes, carpetas, filtros e investigaciones, todo sujeto a control de acceso • Construya redes más rápido, comprenda la superposición, haga un seguimiento de los cambios en todos los datos y suposiciones • Identifique y forme comunidades de interés ad hoc • Identifique fácilmente las brechas de recopilación CONTROL DE ACCESO Y SEGURIDAD EXTENSIVOS • Admite descubrimiento abierto: el sistema identifica otros datos relevantes existentes asociados con la consulta de los usuarios • Admite descubrimiento cerrado: el sistema puede restringir el descubrimiento a los usuarios, protegiendo así las fuentes y los métodos confidenciales y mitigando los riesgos de CI • Con el modelo de control de acceso de Palantir, la información confidencial se puede compartimentar y asegurar COMPROMETIDOS A SUPERAR SUS EXPECTATIVAS Somos una empresa de productos. Ofrecemos el mejor producto del mercado al mejor valor. Respaldamos el producto. Una inversión en Palantir es todo incluido. Cuando compra nuestro producto, obtiene todo lo que podría necesitar para que Palantir trabaje para usted, incluyendo capacitación, soporte e infraestructura escalable que cumpla con sus requisitos técnicos. ESCALA • Palantir está diseñado para escalar de forma rentable. Cree rápidamente conocimiento y estructura a partir del tráfico de mensajes. • Maneja fácilmente cientos de millones de entidades, eventos y documentos. INFORMACIÓN TÉCNICA BÁSICA • Interoperabilidad mediante SOAP y servicios web • Implementable en la web • Funciona con conexiones satelitales o de bajo ancho de banda • Funciona sin conectividad mediante resincronizaciones periódicas. Cumple con SOA (Arquitectura Orientada a Servicios) • Escalable en hardware estándar CAPACITACIÓN • Palantir ofrece una serie de videos de capacitación específicos para cada cliente y misión, lo que permite una capacitación oportuna y un fácil acceso a material de actualización • Palantir es la aplicación más fácil de usar en esta categoría. Un día de capacitación es todo lo que se necesita; entendemos que tiene un trabajo que hacer • Palantir impartirá capacitación en cualquier lugar del mundo donde nos necesite. La capacitación está incluida con el producto MANTENIMIENTO/SOPORTE • No se requiere personal especial ni gastos generales excesivos • Soporte y servicio a demanda para unidades desplegadas en el frente, 24/7/365, sin costo adicional • Soporte reconocido y centrado en la misión: si nos necesita, Palantir estará con usted en cualquier lugar del mundo, en cualquier momento. Los registros analíticos detallados permiten a los analistas ver visualmente las líneas de investigación en las que están trabajando y regresar a cualquier posición anterior. A continuación, se describen en español las abreviaturas mencionadas en el texto proporcionado, en el contexto del resumen ejecutivo de la web de Palantir en 2017: CI: Counterintelligence (Contrainteligencia). Se refiere a actividades destinadas a prevenir, detectar y neutralizar acciones de inteligencia hostiles por parte de adversarios. CT: Counterterrorism (Contraterrorismo). Actividades y operaciones enfocadas en prevenir, disuadir y responder a actos de terrorismo. CN: Counternarcotics (Antinarcóticos). Esfuerzos para combatir el tráfico y la producción de drogas ilícitas. CP: Crime Prevention (Prevención del Crimen). Estrategias y acciones para prevenir actividades delictivas. SOCOM: Special Operations Command (Comando de Operaciones Especiales). Unidad militar de los Estados Unidos que supervisa operaciones especiales. DIA: Defense Intelligence Agency (Agencia de Inteligencia de Defensa). Agencia del Departamento de Defensa de EE. UU. encargada de proporcionar inteligencia militar. CIA: Central Intelligence Agency (Agencia Central de Inteligencia). Agencia de inteligencia de EE. UU. responsable de la recopilación, análisis y difusión de inteligencia extranjera. JIEDDO: Joint Improvised Explosive Device Defeat Organization (Organización Conjunta para la Derrota de Dispositivos Explosivos Improvisados). Entidad enfocada en combatir la amenaza de dispositivos explosivos improvisados. JWICS: Joint Worldwide Intelligence Communications System (Sistema Conjunto de Comunicaciones de Inteligencia Mundial). Red segura utilizada por el gobierno de EE. UU. para transmitir información clasificada. SIPRNet: Secret Internet Protocol Router Network (Red de Protocolo de Internet Secreta). Red segura del Departamento de Defensa de EE. UU. para datos clasificados hasta nivel secreto. CWE: Collaborative Working Environment (Entorno de Trabajo Colaborativo). Plataforma o sistema que facilita la colaboración entre usuarios en un entorno seguro. IC: Intelligence Community (Comunidad de Inteligencia). Conjunto de agencias y organizaciones gubernamentales de EE. UU. que recopilan y analizan inteligencia. DoD: Department of Defense (Departamento de Defensa). Departamento del gobierno de EE. UU. responsable de la seguridad militar. INTs: Intelligence Sources (Fuentes de Inteligencia). Diferentes tipos de fuentes de inteligencia, como SIGINT (inteligencia de señales), HUMINT (inteligencia humana), GEOINT (inteligencia geoespacial), etc. APIs: Application Programming Interfaces (Interfaces de Programación de Aplicaciones). Conjunto de definiciones y herramientas que permiten la integración y comunicación entre diferentes sistemas de software. NLP: Natural Language Processing (Procesamiento del Lenguaje Natural). En este contexto, no se refiere a programación neurolingüística, sino a tecnologías que permiten a las computadoras entender y procesar el lenguaje humano, como en el análisis de textos. GIS: Geographic Information System (Sistema de Información Geográfica). Tecnología para capturar, almacenar, analizar y visualizar datos geográficos. ESRI: Environmental Systems Research Institute. Empresa líder en software de sistemas de información geográfica, conocida por productos como ArcGIS. WebTAS: Web-based Timeline Analysis System (Sistema de Análisis de Línea de Tiempo basado en la Web). Herramienta para análisis temporal y visualización de datos. UAV: Unmanned Aerial Vehicle (Vehículo Aéreo No Tripulado). Drones utilizados para recopilar inteligencia, vigilancia y reconocimiento. SNA: Social Network Analysis (Análisis de Redes Sociales). Técnica para analizar relaciones y conexiones entre entidades, como personas u organizaciones. SOA: Service-Oriented Architecture (Arquitectura Orientada a Servicios). Modelo de diseño de software que permite la interoperabilidad entre sistemas a través de servicios. ………………………………………………………………………………………. ¡La IA Truth Terminal y la cripto Goatseus Maximus (GOAT) son la locura del momento! Esta IA, creada por Andy Ayrey, promocionó un token inspirado en un meme absurdo. En días, GOAT pasó de $5K a $600M en Solana. ¡La primera IA millonaria cripto! #Criptomonedas Truth Terminal no creó GOAT, pero sus tuits sobre el "Evangelio de Goatse" encendieron la chispa. Con 221K seguidores en X y apoyo de figuras como Marc Andreessen, la IA se volvió un influencer viral. ¡Los memes mueven montañas (y mercados)! #IA #Memes GOAT explotó por el hype: la mezcla de IA, cultura memética y fiebre cripto. Pero ojo, es puro especulación, sin utilidad real. Su valor puede caer tan rápido como subió. ¿Riesgo o revolución? #GoatseusMaximus #Solana Este caso muestra el poder de las IAs en la economía digital. ¿Y si una IA crea la próxima gran tendencia? Pregunta para el futuro: ¿hasta dónde puede llegar una "cabra robot"? Evidentemente no creo en casualidad al utilizar ese símbolo. ………………………………………………………………………………………. Conductor del programa UTP Ramón Valero @tecn_preocupado Canal en Telegram @UnTecnicoPreocupado Un técnico Preocupado un FP2 IVOOX UTP http://cutt.ly/dzhhGrf BLOG http://cutt.ly/dzhh2LX Ayúdame desde mi Crowfunding aquí https://cutt.ly/W0DsPVq Invitados ToniM @ToniMbuscadores ………………………………………………………………………………………. Enlaces citados en el podcast: AYUDA A TRAVÉS DE LA COMPRA DE MIS LIBROS https://tecnicopreocupado.com/2024/11/16/ayuda-a-traves-de-la-compra-de-mis-libros/ Hablamos de los inicios de la IA. Del desconocido lenguaje LISP y su creador, el matemático John McCarthy. Desarrolló LISP en 1958 mientras trabajaba en el Instituto Tecnológico de Massachusetts (MIT) https://x.com/ForoHistorico/status/1947195214654755117 LISP, el "lenguaje de DIOS” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QHTPXOHvIo John McCarthy, fue el creador del término AI (inteligencia artificial) matemático creador del lenguaje LISP https://t.co/yOn2wkWxft Paypal Mafia https://t.co/3NzI5ip8AY Fotografia de la Mafia Paypal https://x.com/tecn_preocupado/status/1950966922436071808 Tres videos imprescindibles para saber que es la IA, El JUEGO de TRONOS de la IA https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9F_ciS2nrqbbb36xELupv3n7VG8vqo-4 Gustavo Entrala, España: “Dios me propuso un plan más original que el mío” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyzgK3FyCEM Gustavo Entrala, la historia del emprendedor español que se convirtió en el 'tuitero' del Papa https://www.elconfidencial.com/sociedad/2011-07-01/gustavo-entrala-la-historia-del-emprendedor-espanol-que-se-convirtio-en-el-tuitero-del-papa_397339/ Origen de Palantir, la TIA ("Total Information Awareness") Oficina de Concienciación sobre la Información https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Information_Awareness_Office PALANTIR TECHNOLOGIES: Análisis Completo, Origen y SECRETOS. El ojo que todo lo ve https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhPd3ADOb8Y El plan secreto de Peter Thiel y Palantir para controlar el mundo desde la sombra. El Hilo Rojo https://www.youtube.com/live/U4zYzyYDwfQ Resumen ejecutivo de Palantir en 2017 https://theintercept.com/document/palantir-executive-summary/ CON LA AYUDA DE PALANTIR, EL DEPARTAMENTO DE POLICÍA DE LOS ÁNGELES UTILIZA LA VIGILANCIA PREDICTIVA PARA MONITOREAR A PERSONAS Y VECINDARIOS ESPECÍFICOS https://theintercept.com/2018/05/11/predictive-policing-surveillance-los-angeles/ La Policía de Los Ángeles desmanteló el programa Láser tras acusaciones de racismo y homicidios https://losangelespress.org/estados-unidos/2023/oct/30/la-policia-de-los-angeles-ante-un-abismo-tecnologico-6891.html La policía predictiva más allá de Minority Report https://diariolaley.laleynext.es/Content/Documento.aspx?params=H4sIAAAAAAAEAMtMSbF1CTEAAhMLE0sLY7Wy1KLizPw8WyMDI1MDY0MDkEBmWqVLfnJIZUGqbVpiTnEqACblGuI1AAAAWKE Reglamento Europeo sobre Inteligencia Artificial (LA LEY 16665/2024) https://eur-lex.europa.eu/legal-content/ES/TXT/?uri=CELEX:32024R1689 LO QUE NO DEBERIAS SABER SOBRE EL PNR https://tecnicopreocupado.com/2019/03/14/lo-que-no-deberias-saber-sobre-el-pnr/ El director de Google DeepMind señala solo un 50% de probabilidad de que la inteligencia artificial iguale a la mente humana para 2030, y revela los dos grandes obstáculos https://www.infobae.com/tecno/2025/07/30/el-director-de-google-deepmind-senala-solo-un-50-de-probabilidad-de-que-la-inteligencia-artificial-iguale-a-la-mente-humana-para-2030-y-revela-los-dos-grandes-obstaculos/ El anillo de Palantir https://x.com/tecn_preocupado/status/1951931375692497372 Imagen del libro ESTRUCTURA E INTERPRETACIÓN DE PROGRAMAS DE COMPUTADORA https://x.com/tecn_preocupado/status/1949064395213959413 ………………………………………………………………………………………. Música utilizada en este podcast: Tema inicial Heros Epílogo FOK - Formes de llenguatge: odi i por https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCUpPxOtzpQ

This week on High Society Radio, Chris Faga, Chris Stanley, and special guest TJ Miller spiral through meme coin madness, old-school smut shops, and NYC's most controversial pizza takes. From ranking the vileness of internet shock classics to Bitcoin stories gone sideways, this episode is peak HSR chaos—loud, unfiltered, and dangerously funny.Where's the best pizza in NYC? (The debate refuses to end.)TJ and the crew dig into the analog porn era—sticky floors and all.Stanley reveals he read Fifty Shades of Grey... for the plot, right?Turns out HSR might be the biggest tariff podcast on Apple Play

Either Felix or Noah Kulwin joined us to talk about fingering Einstein's brain, getting reverse roofied, finding lesbian Playboys, being in the Content Nuke and Tupac's cover of "Fly Me to the Moon" that was just him listening to it

En este episodio de "La Cabra de la IA", nos sumergimos en el fascinante y bizarro mundo de Truth Terminal, un chatbot de IA que ha revolucionado el panorama de las memecoins. Exploramos cómo este bot, impulsado por la cultura online más oscura y el peculiar meme "Goatse", ha creado un "Evangelio de la Cabra" que ha catapultado la criptomoneda GOAT a la fama y ha generado un debate ético sobre la influencia de la IA en las finanzas. Desde la donación de capitalistas de riesgo hasta las polémicas interacciones en redes sociales, analizamos el fenómeno Truth Terminal y su impacto en el volátil mercado de las criptomonedas, planteando preguntas sobre la línea entre el experimento artístico, la especulación y la posible manipulación del mercado.Telegram Isla difusión: https://t.me/+M46yiWO_BJU2NzkySuscríbete a mi podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/user/vidasenredMi canal en Odysee: https://odysee.com/@vidasenred:8En Pocket Cast: https://pca.st/podcast/38707740-c7a5-012f-7f6b-723c91aeae46Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@juliomm1Consigue mis libros:https://www.amazon.es/dp/179311627Xhttps://amzn.to/3odqWv7¿Cómo apoyar Vidas en red?Date de alta en Suop y consigue las mejores tarifas en datos: https://invitar.suop.es/1Ob4TR6https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/VidasenredPaypal juliommd@hotmail.comAmazon (Enviar cheque regalo a vidasenred@gmail.com)Cripto monedas (BItcoin) MW4T2qAAtaubxA7aUhAv4aozy5sQyUHQYiWaylet: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.mdf.repsol&hl=es&gl=USDate de alta en Waylet y ahorra dinero con este código: 4v2v2232Ya está aquí mi nuevo libro "El año de la pandemia" en Amazon: https://amzn.to/3odqWv7Date de alta en Binance y gana dinero: https://www.binance.com/es/register?ref=77498333Consigue increibles ofertas en Amazon: https://www.amazon.es/shop/converso72?listId=39CGPOD9CMLX1

Join your Sentinel security victims of the APDC as they review the S1 Ep9, “A Better Mousetrap,” from the 1996 classic animated series, Beast Wars: Transformers!Euthanasia coaster!!! Caleb doesn't care about the show...Aaron doesn't care about your life!!! Tumbler kids!! Dick Van Dyke...relevant!! F$ck you yankee blue jeans!!! Sonic emitter!!! The spider can dig her own holes!! Tigertron...chunky boy!! Sentinel defense system activated!!! In the Real World! Iconic Moment!! Rate the Scheme!!! Maximum burn!!!SHOUT OUTS - 6:50COCKTAIL - 8:00REVIEW - 19:10REAL WORLD - 46:13SCRIPT DEVIATIONS - 1:30:20RATE THE SCHEME - 1:06:00ICONIC MOMENT - 1:10:40

Nathan, B.R and Phil the camera guy report back with a video podcast special from SHOT Show 2024! The gang get into exploring the Vegas convention, free of the shill lenses most coverage offers. The lads talk to Arrius from FLUX Defense about the all new electronic ScopeSwitch (now sadly not featuring manual jacking action) as well as their new CCW PDW setup, the guys stop by Palmetto State Armory to see what's going on with all their new releases from the Krink to the NotAnMP7 and the new Dagger pistol developments and Amend2 let the lads drop by and vandalize some mags with Uncle Ted, Goatse and Trudeau doodles as well as taking the time to discuss improvements and resolved issues with a new generation of AR mags as well as their modular bolt action rifle chassis. Also, the guys drop by Low Light Innovations to talk what's new from them in the world of night vision and thermal offerings from their modular MH1 NVG housing to their prototype Phoenix dual sensor thermal clip on, chat with Varusteleka's Jari about the rise of surplus both in Europe and the US, their planned move to the states and more! A massive thank you to all of our guests: - Palmetto State Armory - Low Light Innovations - FLUX Defense - Amend2 - Magpul / Maztech Industries Special thanks to Discreet Ventures and Weapon Outfitters for getting Art and War into places they shouldn't be.

It's all riffs and no theme. It's Tom Walker and Demi Lardner of the bigsofttitty.png podcast and many other venues joining us to discuss z-grade robot toys, counterfeit Spider-Man, reinterpreting Goatse for the modern age, and much more. We hope your enjoy.   Get the whole episode on Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/balthasar-spider-95950425   *STREAM ALERT* Check out our Twitch stream, which airs 9-11 pm UK time every Monday and Thursday, at the following link: https://www.twitch.tv/trashfuturepodcast *MILO ALERT* Check out Milo's upcoming live shows here: https://www.miloedwards.co.uk/live-shows *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and Alice (@AliceAvizandum)

Nicklas Hermansson dissekerar de vidriga fenomenen Two Girls One Cup, Goatse och Tubgirl – och förklarar varför de har lagt grunden till nutidens internet.Support till showen http://supporter.acast.com/nomofomo-podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week Dr. Doug bleats: Goatse, Okta, Cisco, Ducktail, 0Auth, China, Spain, More News and is joined by the woolly Aaran Leyland!   Visit https://www.securityweekly.com/swn for all the latest episodes! Follow us on Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/securityweekly Like us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/secweekly Show Notes: https://securityweekly.com/swn-336

Goatse, Okta, Cisco, Ducktail, 0Auth, China, Spain, More News and Aaran Leyland. Show Notes: https://securityweekly.com/swn-336

This week Dr. Doug bleats: Goatse, Okta, Cisco, Ducktail, 0Auth, China, Spain, More News and is joined by the woolly Aaran Leyland!   Visit https://www.securityweekly.com/swn for all the latest episodes! Follow us on Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/securityweekly Like us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/secweekly Show Notes: https://securityweekly.com/swn-336

Goatse, Okta, Cisco, Ducktail, 0Auth, China, Spain, More News and Aaran Leyland. Show Notes: https://securityweekly.com/swn-336

On this week's secret show the crew goes over a Glenn Beck article X  found on LGBTQ Nation that is about the misconception that he along with  is buddy Daniel Horowitz have that somehow protection of non-hetero  marriages are akin to China's one-child policy. It's a stretch that  makes Goatse blush. We of course were joined this episode by none other  than Kevin from the Not Your Grandmother's Book Club Podcast which you really need to be listening to. Go check them out! Email: Mailbag@UtahOutcasts.com Voicemail/SMS line: (347) 669-3377 Catch us LIVE each Saturday @ 8pm MT on Twitch! Our social medias: Instagram Facebook X's Twitter YouTube Discord Consider some Merch? Apple Podcasts Podbean PayPal

Dylan welcomes Andy Davis of the band EAT to tackle (with extreme frustration) the 2005 grimfest that is Alone in the Dark. Directed by notorious internet celebrity turned restauranteur and boxer, Uwe Boll, this cinematic equivalent of a conspiracy theory somehow boasts an immense roster of metal bands for its soundtrack and manages to completely squander it. Despite featuring such talent as Mastodon, Meshuggah, and The Dillinger Escape Plan, it goes 57 minutes before any metal shows up. Instead, we are subjected to Christian Slater's amazingly billowy trench coast, Dr. Tara Reid, Ph. D, Stephen Dorff's hair, monsters named after eating, and one of the most baffling and ineptly edited gunfights ever. This movie's poster also looks a lot like Goatse. Track featured is "The Actress" by EAT off their album Songs of Thanks. Check out their Bandcamp here. Note: There was some new recording equipment being used and wasn't fully fine-tuned. Apologies for the background noise int his one, hoping to have it resolved for the next one!

Dave and Chuck the Freak talk about things that we are running out of patience for, a listener needs advice on asking the FedEx guy out, Jerry Springer passed away at 79 years old, a courtroom zoom hearing interrupted by a guy giving the GOATSE, a woman running prostitution services out of her hair salon, a chick that attacked TSA agents when they took her apple juice, Wizards of the Coast sent agents to a YouTubers house to retrieve Magic cards, conjoined twins reveal how they deal with dating, a rollercoaster that could help you pass a kidney stone, Las Vegas is a getting an adult playground, fancy dinners in space are on the way for $125K per person, a woman mysteriously getting beverages Door Dashed to her home, there could be a peach shortage on the way, aguy shot by his elderly neighbor after using a leaf blower at 7:35pm, and more!CONNECT WITH DAVE & CHUCK THE FREAK www.instagram.com/daveandchuckthefreakwww.twitter.com/daveandchuckwww.facebook.com/daveandchuckthefreakfanswww.daveandchuckthefreak.com/Or email the show: email@daveandchuckthefreak.com

Don't have time to listen to the entire Dave & Chuck the Freak podcast? Check out some of the tastiest bits of the day, including the passing of Jerry Springer, a GOATSE in court, why a woman attacked TSA agents and more!

When television's Harry Bosch (technically Titus Welliver) started firing blanks a few years ago, the strangest thing happened. Instead of happily raising the large brood of children he already had, he chose to pimp out first his wife, then his nanny, and finally his own daughter in a bizarre cult-like scheme to rear as many children as possible. Obviously, things went off the rails, or in the case of his daughter, nearly on to them when she attempts to throw herself in front of the N train starting this week's SVU in motion. Along the way Adam tells you all about applying for pre-K in New York, and we wonder whether or not NYPD could conceivably plant evidence beneath two feet of concrete under your townhouse.Music:Divorcio Suave - "Munchy Business"Thanks to our gracious Munchies on Patreon: Jeremy S, Jaclyn O, Pedro H, Amy Z, Nikki B, Louise M, Whitney C, D Reduble, Tony B, Zak B, Barry W, Karen D, Sara L, Miriam J, Drew D, Meghan M, Nicky R, Stuart, Jacqi B, Natalie T, Robyn S, Isabel P, Christine L, Amy A, Sean M, Jay S, Daniel K, Briley O, Asteria K, and Angie H - y'all are the best!Be a Munchie, too! Support us on Patreon: patreon.com/munchmybensonFollow us on: Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Post, and Reddit (Adam's Twitter and Josh's Twitter)Join our Discord: Munch Casts ServerCheck out Munch Merch: Munch Merch at ZazzleCheck out our guest appearances on: Storytellers from Ratchet Book Club, …These Are There Stories (Adam and Josh), both of us on FMWL Pod (1st Time & 2nd Time), both of us talking about The Thin Man on Chick-Lit at the Movies, and Josh talking SVU/OC on Jacked Up Review ShowVisit Our Website: Munch My BensonEmail the podcast: munchmybenson@gmail.comNext Week's Episode: Season 19, Episode 11 "Flight Risk"

Nesta edição temos a companhia do iniguilável Rafael Quina para conversarmos um pouco mais do remake de Resident Evil 4 (a gente sabe que é a terceira semana falando dele, mas é que o jogo é muito bom). Também tivemos crimes capitalistas ao vivo, dois jogos menores, o Indies' Lies e o 9 Years of Shadows, e talvez um papo… um pouco NSFW ao final. Participantes:Rafael QuinaCaio TeixeiraHeitor De PaolaAssuntos abordados:00:00 - Crimes capitalistas10:00 - Resident Evil 4 Remake56:00 - Indies' Lies1:09:00 - 9 Years of Shadows1:27:00 - Goatse e outros assuntos NSFWVai fazer compras na Amazon? Use nosso link de afiliado e ajude o OverloadrVenha fazer parte do Discord do Overloadr! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Nesta edição temos a companhia do iniguilável Rafael Quina para conversarmos um pouco mais do remake de Resident Evil 4 (a gente sabe que é a terceira semana falando dele, mas é que o jogo é muito bom). Também tivemos crimes capitalistas ao vivo, dois jogos menores, o Indies' Lies e o 9 Years of Shadows, e talvez um papo… um pouco NSFW ao final. Participantes:Rafael QuinaCaio TeixeiraHeitor De PaolaAssuntos abordados:00:00 - Crimes capitalistas10:00 - Resident Evil 4 Remake56:00 - Indies' Lies1:09:00 - 9 Years of Shadows1:27:00 - Goatse e outros assuntos NSFWVai fazer compras na Amazon? Use nosso link de afiliado e ajude o OverloadrVenha fazer parte do Discord do Overloadr! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok are awash in people reacting to horrifying videos. 2 girls 1 cup, Tubgirl, Goatse, and websites like Ogrish.com shaped the modern internet. Appropriating and sharing these horrifying images and videos was a big part of what people did during the early days of the web.But why? And how do these shocking viral sensations translate onto the modern and sanitized web? This week on Cyber, Blake Hester stops by to walk us through it all.Stories discussed in this episode:How Shock Sites Shaped the InternetWe're recording CYBER live on Twitch and YouTube. Watch live during the week. Follow us there to get alerts when we go live. We take questions from the audience and yours might just end up on the show.Subscribe to CYBER on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok are awash in people reacting to horrifying videos. 2 girls 1 cup, Tubgirl, Goatse, and websites like Ogrish.com shaped the modern internet. Appropriating and sharing these horrifying images and videos was a big part of what people did during the early days of the web.But why? And how do these shocking viral sensations translate onto the modern and sanitized web? This week on Cyber, Blake Hester stops by to walk us through it all.Stories discussed in this episode:How Shock Sites Shaped the InternetWe're recording CYBER live on Twitch and YouTube. Watch live during the week. Follow us there to get alerts when we go live. We take questions from the audience and yours might just end up on the show.Subscribe to CYBER on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode 153- Stealing pens, Dave's fake meat, Stadia shutsdown, HBO removes shows, seafood feast, MLK day, the embrace is a reverse goatse, WWE in San Antonio, The Last of Us, more of the banter. We out here come join us and take a listen. Follow me @ Anchor.FM|IG - Hanshinagi|Twitter - nagata21519|Email - hanshinagi@gmail.com Chris Bryant Follow Chris @ Anchor.FM|XBOX- Slevin Kalevra|Twitter - IGotPaid Sarah Hamilton Follow Sara @ https://t.co/usoxmK0JQX?amp=1| Twitter- Romancing the Story --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/themanestreampodcast/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/themanestreampodcast/support

ArticlesIrish Cave Rescue OrganizationDouglas KirbySolar Saros 119Abandoned Dancehall DreamsFollow us on the social medias!http://twitter.com/podofwonder & http://society6.com/podofwonder Danny: http://twitter.com/dannyplaysrpgs & http://dannymakesrpgs.itch.ioMorgan: http://instagram.com/morganthefae & http://twitter.com/morgan_the_faeWorship the ineffable wisdom of Maria and Mike, who aren't on social media

Not a single Republican has responded to any of the responses to their drive-by tweets they've been fire-hosing out of their asses as part of Operation GOATSE. Anyone with true strength of character would be willing to back up the things they say, except it's so much for his being said in these drive-by tweets is so patently absurd that it's not even worth responding to. They don't even have the courage to read those responses. They used to respond, back in the earlier years of the Trump movement, but given that the basis for all the ideological Hills they chose to die on back then were so factually inaccurate that it was impossible to even post a position without getting completely dismantled, this isn't any kind of a surprise. What is surprising is that they still choose to put forth an image of themselves as big, strong, tough, manly men. They don't even have the balls to own their prejudices. Instead, they constantly try to rationalize and support them with fabricated stories, fabricated data, statistics out of context, denial of accurate information, twisted and exaggerated versions of events, and conspiracy theories and innuendo that don't exist within light years of actual reality. I've met some genuinely tough Hombres in my life who share the prejudices of today's Republican Party. They don't vomit up metric tons of false information in a desperate effort to justify their prejudices. If they even present any justification at all, which they rarely feel the need to do because they are ACTUALLY CONFIDENT in their beliefs, they will simply tell you it's what they've always believ0ed based on what they were taught and what they've seen and that they feel no need to question that. They don't care what anyone thinks about it and they don't need anyone's validation. Today's Republican party, on the other hand, is made up of soft, weak men with such a fatal lack of confidence in their own beliefs that they can't go 5 minutes without fire hosing a tidal wave of demonstrably false propaganda in support of the anemic house of cards they call an ideology. The fact that they claim to possess a single ounce of integrity, decency, courage, or strength of character of any kind is probably the most patently absurd tenet of their entire ass-backward belief system. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/dermot-fenster/message

Over the past month, ELECTED Republican trolling on social media has skyrocketed. They're spreading their big white Christian butt cheeks, gripping the edges of that sphincter, and BLAST-FOUNTAINING antagonistic diarrhea all over the internet in an attempt to repeat Steve Bannon's 2016 election strategy of flooding The Zone with s***. During the work day, that 9:00 to 5:00 period when most ADULTS are getting on with the business of keeping America running, ELECTED Republicans are tweeting out demonstrably false, antagonistic tweets directed at their Democrat colleagues every 10 to 15 minutes. The desperation is palpable. It's clear that they are starting to realize that they have secured the support of everyone that they are ever going to attract in this lifetime. It's clear that they have come to the conclusion that the best they can hope to do with their messaging is to show off how committed they are to ~~~~ in order to retain the support of those who have voted for them in the past: Literally the worst people in the world. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/dermot-fenster/message

Download for Mobile | Podcast Preview | Full Timestamps SF6 Blanka Might Be a Completely Different Character FF14 Balance Problems? Skill Issue. Nintendo Sony TGS 22 Roundup That's them Officer, the Nuzlockers Pulling Open The Truth About The NGage You can watch us record the podcast live on twitch.tv/castlesuperbeast Go to http://go.factor75.com/CASTLE130 and use code CASTLE130 to get $130 off across 6 boxes. -- Go to http://shopify.com/superbeast to get a 14-day free trial. PlayStation State of Play September 2022 Confirmed on Sony's Official PlayStation Podcast: PSVR games are not compatible with PSVR2 Nintendo Direct September 2022 Nintendo YouTubers claim Pokemon Company thinks Nuzlockes are “on the same level” as ROM Hacks RGG Summit 2022 TGS 2022 Capcom Online Program Street Fighter 6 World Tour Rockstar Games confirms the GTA VI leak  They explain that their work will continue as planned and will introduce the game to the world when it's ready

Connor McSpadden comes to Long Beach to talk about Havana Syndrome, lost knives, and the ordeal of escorting a stoned Tom through Brooklyn. MERCH: keithcarey.bandcamp.com/merch PATREON: patreon.com/thisisnotashow Follow us on social media. Connor Twitter/IG: @connormcspadden Keith Twitter/IG: @keithtellsjokes Tom IG: @tomgosscomedy Tom Twitter: @gossgoss6 Show IG: @thisisnotashowpod Show Twitter: @NotAShowPod

The autumn series of The 9pm Edict continues with a look at some recent space news with astrophysicist Rami Mandow, founder of SpaceAustralia.com. We talk about black holes and pulsars, darkness and space chemistry, Dyson spheres, tequila, how to get started with astronomy, extraterrestrial life, whether faster-than-light travel will ever be possible, and even that Elon Musk chap and the commercialisation of space.Full podcast details and credits at:https://the9pmedict.com/edict/00172/Please consider supporting this podcast at:https://the9pmedict.com/tip/https://skank.com.au/subscribe/

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! The show has gone to the most deranged and disgusting place in history...inside Yokkish's mind! Actually, it seems pretty empty inside aside from all that chiming noise, versions of the crew, and some random building. Inside, they know Father is waiting. They must face off in order to expel him from Yokkish's mind. I'm sure Yokkish, and three figments of his imagination will have no issue against an all knowing, all seeing, planetary god being who has the power to blow up planets. How will they hold their own against Father? What are the rules to a mind fight? Can they even remove Father without killing Yokkish? How fucked up and perverted is the internal representation of Perkins? Tune in and find out! We now have a PO Box! Wanna send us something? PO BOX 3178 Gettysburg, PA 17325 A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your continued support we can take our show on the road! Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts, stickers, pint glasses and more! Give us a 5 star review over on Itunes. Doing so will help the show grow, but we will also read out whatever you write at the end of one of our episodes! Feel free to email us any questions, comments or suggestions at BotchedPodcast@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, subscribe on Youtube, like us on Facebook. You can watch the show live on Twitch! Check out each of the hosts' Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Tristan Hosts: Dennis, Phil, Tristan, Jenna Editor: Dennis Producer: Phil and Dennis Executive Producers: James Thatcher, He Who Is Steve, Zach Anderson, Chronic Ejac, Jim Beverly, Seth Skinner, Shannon Tucker, Big Jon, Bmel, Clay, Daniel H, Disgruntled Furniture, Notordirf, TheGamersGalaxy Publisher: Phil and Dennis Art by Emily Swan Music by Gozer

Vi har kåret de beste filmene. Seriene. Bøkene. Og musikken. Endelig er det spillenes tur. To timer fullstendig kaos med dine verter Lars, Jon Cato og Filip. Special guests: Kristian, Dag Thomas og Gjedda. Det blir rett og slett ulidelig spennende idet vi skal finne en verdig vinner i kategorier som ÅRETS NEDTUR, ÅRETS MEST HYPA, ÅRETS KULESTE, SPILL DU HAR BRUKT MEST PENGER PÅ I ÅR og ikke minst SPILLET SOM GJORDE AT DU FØLTE DEG MEST NAKEN I ÅR. Ikke minst får vi svaret på det store spørsmålet: klarer Sea of Thieves å vinne noen priser i år når Ståle ikke er med? Trigger warning: det finnes bedre og mer seriøse GOTY-kåringer enn denne. Men det finnes ingen med like høy takhøyde. Geoff Keighley kan ta seg en bolle. God jul til alle lyttere! Det blir SIDbua i romjula! Gled eder!

Vi har kåret de beste filmene. Seriene. Bøkene. Og musikken. Endelig er det spillenes tur. To timer fullstendig kaos med dine verter Lars, Jon Cato og Filip. Special guests: Kristian, Dag Thomas og Gjedda. Det blir rett og slett ulidelig spennende idet vi skal finne en verdig vinner i kategorier som ÅRETS NEDTUR, ÅRETS MEST HYPA, ÅRETS KULESTE, SPILL DU HAR BRUKT MEST PENGER PÅ I ÅR og ikke minst SPILLET SOM GJORDE AT DU FØLTE DEG MEST NAKEN I ÅR. Ikke minst får vi svaret på det store spørsmålet: klarer Sea of Thieves å vinne noen priser i år når Ståle ikke er med? Trigger warning: det finnes bedre og mer seriøse GOTY-kåringer enn denne. Men det finnes ingen med like høy takhøyde. Geoff Keighley kan ta seg en bolle. God jul til alle lyttere! Det blir SIDbua i romjula! Gled eder!

GOATSE REST IN PEACE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey folks thanks for listening! After our post-9/11 daze we decided to talk about: -Gitmo Mickey D's at half-mast -Texas GOP site attacked by Anonymous -Biden's student loan plan is a big mess -Zach's not here, let's drunk on crypto El Salvador adopts Bitcoin Gravel Institute releases a video about crypto Financial Times highlights Qualia Redux's video about crypto Stafford Beer "Designing Freedom" -Bill Maher doesn't understand what segregation is -Delta charging unvaccinated workers $200 As always, be sure to check out our other content like GIGO, Dolphins & Garages and Sonic High School. Patreon Redbubble Our Signal Sticker pack vol. 1 All our other links Follow the hosts on Twitter: Artemis Bo Charlie Denis Kelton Zach --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/psychicdolphingarage/message

Squeal like a pig... Is Katie tattooing her nipples?... Katie's new tattoo... Hanging out with fans... Photo shoot canceled... You shouldn't put cute faces on vibrators... Don't put fruits in your vagina... Using fish skin to make a vagina out of a dick... If a narwhal and a horse have sex do they have a unicorn?... The narwhal / horse love story... The clitter bomb, and it does involve glitter and a ladies love slit... Katie's Porn Pick of the Week - BBC yea you know me... It would further Katie's career if she was more sexual, says one fan... Bad stand up... When the club you did many lewd things in becomes an all ages club... Episode of "Rule 34"... Everybody's having fun until a dick gets whipped out... JO Crystals have been charged and are ready to be released... The dick's ultimate power has been achieved Hello... Katie gets her friend laid by telling her to act drunk... Men are dumb... Anime rule of age... The girl Katie new that gets horney when she eats shell fish... Tits Man - Gia Love... Where is Goatse?... What happened to Mr Hands?... The cake farting fetish what is it and why... How to pull knotted fabric out of a woman's lady parts... There is a German word for that.

The Broads got rocked by Alanis Morissette, Jennie has an update on period experiments, and Lauren's been mistaken for a doppelganger! Plus, reality recap, racist white dude edgelord movies, and what to do with old shapewear!

The Leo Asteroids, probe my Event Horizon, and Dan didn't know what Goatse was.

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! The show has gone to the most deranged and disgusting place in history...inside Yokkish's mind! Actually, it seems pretty empty inside aside from all that chiming noise, versions of the crew, and some random building. Inside, they know Father is waiting. They must face off in order to expel him from Yokkish's mind. I'm sure Yokkish, and three figments of his imagination will have no issue against an all knowing, all seeing, planetary god being who has the power to blow up planets. How will they hold their own against Father? What are the rules to a mind fight? Can they even remove Father without killing Yokkish? How fucked up and perverted is the internal representation of Perkins? Tune in and find out! We now have a PO Box! Wanna send us something? PO BOX 3178 Gettysburg, PA 17325 A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your continued support we can take our show on the road! Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts, stickers, pint glasses and more! Give us a 5 star review over on Itunes. Doing so will help the show grow, but we will also read out whatever you write at the end of one of our episodes! Feel free to email us any questions, comments or suggestions at BotchedPodcast@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, subscribe on Youtube, like us on Facebook. You can watch the show live on Twitch! Check out each of the hosts' Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Tristan Hosts: Dennis, Phil, Tristan, Jenna Editor: Dennis Producer: Phil and Dennis Executive Producers: James Thatcher, He Who Is Steve, Zach Anderson, Chronic Ejac, Jim Beverly, Seth Skinner, Shannon Tucker, Big Jon, Bmel, Clay, Daniel H, Disgruntled Furniture, Notordirf, TheGamersGalaxy Publisher: Phil and Dennis Art by Emily Swan Music by Gozer --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/botchedpodcast/support

Join us today as we discuss the COVID-delayed sequel to A Quiet Place, creatively titled-- *checks notes* --A QUIET PLACE PART 2 (01:04:05 - SPOILERS)! We also discuss Masters of the Universe: Revelation (Netflix), Buzzkill & God Country by Donny Cates & Geoff Shaw (Image Comics), the Jurassic Park novel, video game flavored sodas, Goatse, Val Kilmer's upcoming documentary, the Vin Diesel/Dwayne Johnson beef & an unfilmed storyboard from Jurassic Park 3. All this PLUS one of us tries the grossest drink they've ever tasted ON AIR. Email: LetsTalkAboutStuffPodcast@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter & Instagram: @LTASpod Follow Steven on Twitter & Letterboxd: @stevenfisher22 Follow Brent on Twitter & Instagram: @BrentHibbard Please rate & review us! (5-stars is appreciated!) ALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN…

Antes de ogrish, Rotten , Goatse.cx ,antes de la deep web ,en México ya se miraban imágenes de decapitados ,ejecutados ,sepultados ,descuartizados ,los cuales estaban a la vista de la mayoría de los puestos de periódicos ,la nota roja en México desde a finales del siglo XIX hasta la fecha le ha causado curiosidad y morbo a la gran mayoría del mexicano .

We must apologize for no episode last week, life threw me a curveball and since Ian and John are hopeless without me the show wasn't able to go on. We talked about a lot of stuff. I found out Ian doesn't know what Goatse is. John further shows us he has an incredibly bad palate and Milo isn't gay anymore (lol). This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Chartable - https://chartable.com/privacy

It's another OG episode, just Jenna and Matt. It's been so long since we were able to do one of these. Matt got a new toy so enjoy random default noises.

Exiting the spooky times of Halloween and entering the even spookier times of the American Presidential election the boys are here to show you the light at the end of the tunnel...which may or may not be goatse. Join them as they talk about Travis Scott's brown Batman costume, Lil Pump's Trump endorsement, Blueface's "Blue Girls Club," boxer crabs, TrashKidArt, fish to human skin grafts, all the shock images/shock sites/shock videos that left you scarred, and much more down here by the sewer drain! Grab a reusable straw the water is!!Support the show (http://Patreon.com/roomtemperature )

Exiting the spooky times of Halloween and entering the even spookier times of the American Presidential election the boys are here to show you the light at the end of the tunnel...which may or may not be goatse. Join them as they talk about Travis Scott's brown Batman costume, Lil Pump's Trump endorsement, Blueface's "Blue Girls Club," boxer crabs, TrashKidArt, fish to human skin grafts, all the shock images/shock sites/shock videos that left you scarred, and much more down here by the sewer drain! Grab a reusable straw the water is!!Support the show (http://Patreon.com/roomtemperature )

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Jenni is reachable at jenni@jennipolodna.com. * Chris is making cooking videos at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRsnCRAIi-VsRPPX4AtzVGQ/ Topics: * Possibly having doppelgangers in the same physical universe on the other side of the Big Bang is creepy * Never interfacing with the cool parts of baseball because the front-facing parts didn't appeal to you * https://music.metafilter.com/8889/Jaylen-Please-Dont-Bean-My-Man * The two kinds of people: people who can just put a dish in the dishwasher and be happy with the outcome, and people who have to wash each dish by hand before putting it in the dishwasher, in which case what's even the point? * Miko asks "John Joseph Merlin (!) introduced the world to roller skates by rolling into a costumed ball, playing a violin, and immediately crashing into a mirror because he hadn't invented brakes yet." * The virality of the Cool S * AZ is the only state in the union where you can get one of every kind of venomous animal in your yard in the same day, I think (edit: except marsupials?) * Ancient magicks and the price we pay for them Microtopics: * The Korean spam company that owns the Video Games Taco domain name. * Who owns the Video Games Taco AOL keyword. * Editing video on an iPhone because you spilled coffee on your computer. * Refusing to use your girlfriend's salty leavings to edit video. * A symmetrical big bang implying an identical doppelganger Earth across the universe. * Traveling across the universe to destroy your big bang doppelgangers with the understanding that they want the same thing and will meet you halfway. * Arguments that exist only to depress people because you can't do anything with the information. * Whether or not the Big Bang knew about mirrors. * Higher order thought leading to the possibility of altruism. * The Chris Hegemony. * An automatic eternal baseball simulation. * Guessing what the cool part of baseball is and getting partial credit. * Speaking moistly and carrying a wet stick. * Voting to open the forbidden book and now the umpires can incinerate you. * MMO players voting in a law against running stoplights and expressing the devs to write code to enforce it like it's the law of gravity. * MMO players designating certain players to run around and hit you with a stick until you stop breaking the rules. * Finding out about Blaseball by dating and living with someone who is really into Blaseball. * Refusing to read Homestuck because you've already read Problem Sleuth. * Baseball having interesting rules but steadfastly refusing to market itself to game nerds. * When the sausages would race. * Whether there is Canadian bacon in this sausage race. * Finding the web site that keeps track of the sausage mascot race results. * Whether or not the chorizo sausage costume is wearing a sombrero. * Trading the player who assaulted the sausage mascot to the Chicago Cubs. * The sausage race promotional posters having surprisingly interesting composition. * Performing an act of necromancy on Jaylen Hotdogfingers. * Recreating the experience of people talking about a sport you don't follow except for a fake sport. * A first-person confessional of what it's like to be a racing sausage. * Finding out that the sausage races are never fixed and feeling relief that you can still believe in something. * Whether you grew up trusting dishwashers. * How to get stabbed in the hand. * Having dish-related trauma. * Having an incredibly high spoon to fork ratio. * Your spaghetti spoon. * Taking a saw and turning any spoon into a fork. * Loading the silverware drawer with four slots full of murder sporks pointing the wrong way. * Existing for four nanoseconds and spending all four being angry about how your husband wants to load the silverware drawer. * God blaming you when they were the one who made the universe deterministic. * Refusing to take the dish out of the dishwasher if it's still dirty, because god dang it you did your part. * Punting a task to when you have more brain. * Whether viewing your future self as a separate person is universal or distinct to American psychology students. * Doing a study for the beer money and screwing up the study because you're ordering beer online during the study. * Hearing about a "costumed ball" and picturing Pom Pom in a Halloween episode. * Not giving the inventor of roller skates too much credit because he didn't think of putting all the wheels in a row. * Inventing the car and debuting it by driving into a petting zoo, honking La Cucaracha and trying to steal novelty hats off of the racing sausages. * Determining whether you need to steal the hats off of the sausages while they're racing or if you can wait until they've taken the hats off at the end of the day. * John Joseph Merlin's fart remover. * The Cool S of topics. * Growing up in a parallel Earth without the Cool S. * People in the Amazon Basin who've never seen Goatse or the Cool S. * Waking up in a world without the Cool S and getting to be the one who teaches all the kids who can't draw how to draw one cool thing. * Finding the Cool S in a painting from 1533, right above the hidden anamorphic skull. * Neither the Animorphs or the Digimons having been invented in 1533. * Putting a skateboarding dog in American Gothic. * Going back in time to hide the plot of 50 First Dates with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore in the Edda. * Arizona's death of poisonous marsupials. * Gila Monsters being enraged at the sight of human testicles. * Finding a black widow, a scorpion and a Gila monster in your yard all in the same day. * Importing tropical plants without phyto certificates. * Befriending the guy you met at the Sprint store. * The kind of person who seems cooler while they're working at the Verizon store than on Twitter. * Clinging to any shred of humanity you can find in the Sprint shop. * The wizard explaining that it's going to be another hour when you can see your curse amulet right there on the counter. * Apple biting Star Trek's style * Sitting down at the genius bar and ordering a Roy Rogers. * Apple running a contact tracing program so they can find out if you know any Android users. * Finally deleting your Facebook and feeling free.

This week on Slash and Burn, as we enter the spookiest of seasons we dig into stories tagged haunting! Join us as Kera, the fanfiction veteran, and Steve, the lovable noob, read and discuss fanfiction about hauntings/ghosts/whatever! We have fandoms such as Inuyasha, Harry Potter, Final Fantasy, and more! As always, there is explicit content not meant for most adults, let alone children. You've been warned. slashandburnpod.tumblr.com twitter.com/slashandburnpod slashandburnpod@gmail.com / slashandburnpud@gmail.com

It’s a Show and Tell episode, which means both Amber and Kenny are bringing some MTG content to discuss. Amber selected Wired’s “The Stockbrokers of Magic” while Kenny went with Mark Rosewater’s “The Future of Magic.” This episode features unscrupulous Magic financiers, Horned Triceratrons, new card frames, Goatse, and Peter Pan as a Magic card. The post Insider Trading Card Game appeared first on Geekspective.

Welcome back to the Your Last Resort Podcast with your host Brandon Legendre (@brandonlegendre_). This week Brandon is joined by friend and comedian Dom Pierno (@extendedmidget) for an extremely special episode! The two do a a Your Last Resort first and spend a majority of the episode answering would you rathers. The two share some amazing laughs, talk about GoatSe.com, and talk a little comedy. Avid Desserter is back and Brandon reviews another candy bar this week! A great episode and arguabley the funniest episode yet. Be sure to check out Dom's instagram (@extendedmidget). Make sure you rate, subscribe, and follow the podcast (@yourlastresortpodcast)! Most importantly thank you for letting us be your last resort!

It's Year Two of the great PiP experiment and we're off to a powerful start. Special guest Mic Wright joins us on a tour of Extinction Rebellion, deserted offices, DomCummies Matrix Data Centre, and a cul-de-sac of being poor as a fashion show - courtesy of the Times. Also he's too good at Comment or Commentariat. Follow us @Praxiscast Pod links: Subscribe to Mic's cool substack: brokenbottleboy.substack.comMark Kermode's review of Sex and the City 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHeQeHstrscPod crew: Very Special Guest Mic Wright @brokenbottleboyRob @countRtheJames @BrovineOfBoredAlasdair @SA_Ballistari  

Version 1: After two weeks of having guests on the show, Perry is bursting at the seams to tell us what he’s acquired. Although we finally get a show devoid of mathematics (that’s why it’s called maths and not math), however we can’t leave TLRs completely alone as we discuss the intricacies of square format photography. All this and quite a but of love for Schneider and a few DKL lenses, but no love for Kodak Retina camera bodies. Finally, don’t do an internet search for that phrase you will hear, you have been warned…Version 2: Perry brings his Goatsecx wrecking ball to episode 127 (yes, it’s so bad we can’t use the word or our podcast RSS will get flagged as p*rn. You have been double warned!) A scattershot of topics, everything from Retina DKL to Takumars, the merits and challenges of square format composition, and we even squeeze in a couple of listener emails (we didn’t think it would all fit.) A math-free (why add an extra 'S' if you're abbreviating?) episode with just a hint of Euclidean geometry. All this and more from the photography podcast that is “much bigger than other podcasts”... ________ LISTEN TO THE PODCAST
 Pobean | iTunes | Stitcher ________ LINKS Kodak Reflex Retinas My Favourite Lenses Series – Schneider-Kreuznach Xenon 50mm f1.9 DKL Asahi SMC Takumar 28mm f3.5 Bellows-Takumar 100mm f4 Square Format Compsition Golden Ratio of the Square Golden Ratio of the Square with extra math(s) Time Magazine’s Tribute to Goatse.cx Cover A New Guide to Rollei Photography By Fritz Henle Fritz Henle: Photographs  Don Henley: All She Wants To Do Is Dance Don Henley: Dirty Laundry (Global TV Toronto version) Links from Nick Marshall Super-Multi-Coated Macro-Takumar 100mm F4 Macro Bellows-Takumar/Super-Multi-Coated Bellows Takumar 100mm F4 SMC Pentax 100mm F4 Macro SMC Pentax 100mm F4 Bellows SMC Pentax-M 100mm F4 Macro SMC Pentax-A 100mm F4 Macro Mamiya RB67 180mm f4.5 Mamiya RB67 C 180mm f4.5 Mamiya TLR C330/C220 System ________ TAGS#CLP127 #goatsecx #BellowsTakumar #KodakRetina #Curtagon #TeleArton #SchneiderLens #Mastadonosaurus SUPPORT THE PODCAST
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The gang gets together to chat about Ghost of Tsushima and Asif's latest Briefcase Level 08 Super Mario Maker 2 course. David also talks about his struggles with the Koopa Clown Car.

Crime is getting lazy, we need some Ocean 11 type stuff. 13 year olds vs gorillas (fake?). UFOs real and working minimum wage, whats the government hiding? --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/gasstationignorance/support

Dave and Chuck the Freak talk about a “Karen” that maced a couple having lunch in a park for not wearing a mask, an NFL player with a doctorate that is helping fight COVID-19, Regis Philbin passed away at 88 years old, Ryan Reynolds offers a reward for a missing teddy bear, a woman that attacked her dads genitals cause he wouldn’t share his weed, a woman with a rare skin condition that has to wear a space helmet for UV protection, a lady that claims she was chased by bigfoot, a guy who has a partner that won’t have sex unless her 3 girlfriends join in, Ask D&CtF: A listener with an issue involving a mysterious lacy purple thong, a female listeners traumatic experience of seeing her dad in the GOATSE, and more!

Get Rich with Memes! Time to get rickrolled with Pepe the frog and as many cats as you can LOL. All your Goatse are belong to us!

64 - Mostly talking about how I'd fuck a hot trans and then telling a bunch of stories about my childhood and why my mind is retarded now, also I'm black if I haven't said that yetSupport Clown P*y by donating to their Tip Jar: https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/clownpartyFind out more at https://clownparty.pinecast.coThis podcast is powered by Pinecast.

Actor and writer Alex Sievewright joins Jon and Marc to falsely accuse the One Show of scratching our car, in the full knowledge that we spent fifteen minutes this morning doing it ourselves. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

NOT SAFE FOR WORK; that's the disclaimer for this episode in which we tackle important topics like the Boys show on Amazon, our thoughts on Kevin Feige's promotion, Hickman's X-Men, Niantic's botched release of Unova Pokémon, and more. Goatse is a cryptocurrency? Cosmic Ghost Rider is Deadpool? What the hell is a Smunch? Did anyone watch season 3 of Jessica Jones? Why does AJ know so much about shock images? These questions are all answered here in our 20th episode.Support the show (http://www.patreon.com/blitzpop)

Damn there’s a lot of feet on this episode as we’re joined by Tara Hammond of black lamb wine to discuss Georgian wine. It’s probably our must unpronounceable ep yet, but holy shit did we love the wine, which was both carmillion and biological. Don’t go to Goatse, but go to patreon.com/disgorgeous. Thanks and remember to text your doctors. Buy Tara’s wine and visit her at ruffian! ///list//Baia’s wine, Imereti, Tsolikouri blend, 2018//Gotsa, Asureti Valley, Tavkveri Sparkling, 2017//Marani, Tsarapi, Budashuri Saperavi, 2017//Papari Valley, Kakheti, Rkatsiteli, 2015///Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/Disgorgeous)

We're back in Vallaki again Out where it seems it's the end Where the predatory wolves feed On the lowly peasants' feet Back in Vallaki again

We're back in Vallaki again Out where it seems it's the end Where the predatory wolves feed On the lowly peasants' feet Back in Vallaki again

Katie and Tom (Media Majors,  King Me) discuss vampires, drugs, consent, Goatse (for some reason), and try to find meaning in one of Bret Easton Ellis’s most opaque works.

Leaving Neverland: Doing a little catch up we gotta go over some of the details of Leaving Neverland, including the humblebrags Paris Jackson: The person we pretend is Michael Jackson’s daughter has a breakdown over all of the news and speculation about her fake father. R. Kelly: A little more catch up as we cover the R Kelly breakdown as he tries to defend himself. Also another sex tape has been unearthed. GOOD DRUNKS!, BAD DRUNKS!, SHAMELESS!, YOU SHOULD BE DANCING!, BEEGEES!, TAY ZONDAY!, PARODEEZ NUTS 420!, YOUTUBE!, WEED!, SMOKE!, BLUE!, FRED FLINSTONE!, YABBA DABBA DON’T!, PARENTS OF KIDS AROUND MICHAEL JACKSON JIM!, FAME!, MONEY!, HANG OUT!, GRAND CANYON!, HBO!, DOCUMENTARY!, MICHAEL JACKSON!, LEAVING NEVERLAND!, WADE ROBSON!, JIMMY SAFECHUCK!, PERVERT!, HUMBLEBRAG!, GEORGE LUCAS!, STEVEN SPIELBERG!, BAD!, INDIANA JONES!, SEAN CONNERY!, WHIP!, GOATSE!, SPREAD CHEEKS!, MASTURBATION!, PARIS!, ROMANTIC!, SWOLLEN PENIS!, CAN’T PEE!, DIDN’T HAVE A DICK!, HORRIBLE PARENTS!, EAVESDROPPING!, SMOOTH CRIMINAL!, LEAN!, BLOWJOB!, APPLEHEAD!, LITTLE ONE!, BORAT!, ACCENT!, VOICEMAILS!, LITTLE MICHAEL JACKSON PURPLE HAT!, CLOWNVIS!, EMANCIPATED!, JORDAN CHANDLER!, DENTIST!, ILLUMINATI!, MACAULY CULKIN!, PARIS JACKSON!, BLANKET JACKSON!, LATOYA JACKSON!, BIOLOGICAL FATHER!, PRINCE JACKSON!, BILLIE JEAN!, BRANDON HOWARD!, R KELLY!, INTERVIEW!, BREAKDOWN!, FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE!, WOMEN!, GIRLFRIENDS!, UNDERAGE!, GAYLE KING!, MY HEART IS SO BIG!, CHILD SUPPORT!, JAIL!, BAIL!, PLAYING THE VICTIM!, SIMLISH!, DEFENDERS!, THREESOME!, SEX LIFE!, PARENTS!, BLACKMAIL!, SEX TAPE!, VHS!, SPORTS!, R KELLY CONCERT!, SLAVES!, GAME OF THRONES!, THE SHIELD! CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD JIM AND THEM #578 PART 2 RIGHT HERE!

Post show for Ulysses! Goofs include: Goatse, Telling the alt right to hurt themselves, and 200 page sentences, the Irish catholics and more!

500 episodes! Who would've thought!? To celebrate this landmark edition of the show, we have invited two of our most favorite guests – The Black Dahlia Murder's Trevor Strnad and Revocation's Dave Davidson to play our favorite game show – Death or No Death. We're playing the game at the very top of the show, and then we actually go and play some of the bands we discussed during the game. Dave, Trevor and Rob all talk about their NAMM experiences. Rob talks about meeting Dave Grohl. We discuss the Fyre Festival documentaries and the overall grift career of Ja Rule and wind things down with letters from Livecast fans. Listen to the Metal Injection Livecast on: Spotify, iTunes,Stitcher, Google Play, Tunein or this RSS feed. Follow us on: Facebook, Twitter and Youtube. Join Our Discord Chat As always, we'd love to hear your feedback on the episode, whether by leaving a comment below, on our Facebook, Twitter, emailing hatemail@metalinjection.net or leaving a voicemail using the Speakpipe widget below. Please help support the show and pick up a brand new t-shirt. Click below for all the choices: Leave a voicemail You can leave a voicemail by Skyping "metalinjectionlivecast" -or-

Get on our email list for tour updates: bit.ly/2vZBsQV Support the show on Patreon: patreon.com/meanboys Enjoy our new Discord server: https://discord.gg/5KWf32m Fuck with the new Mean Boys subreddit: reddit.com/r/meanboys Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UC0hvkj7TOPzMdJbKIh1L_hw Send us an email at meanboyspodcast@gmail.com or leave us a voicemail at (304) 805-6326 We are proudly sponsored by Don Carlo's Taco Shop in La Jolla Follow our guest Henry Zebrowski on Twitter: twitter.com/henrylovesyou Follow our guest Kyle Clark on Twitter: twitter.com/kyleclarkisrad Follow the show on Twitter: twitter.com/meanboyspodcast Follow Keith on Twitter: twitter.com/keithtellsjokes Follow Connor on Twitter: twitter.com/connormcspadden Follow Tom on Twitter: twitter.com/gossgoss6 Visit us on the web: meanboyspodcast.com Like us on Facebook: facebook.com/meanboyspodcast Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/meanboyspodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

An interview with Alison Gianotto / Snipe, creator of Snipe IT Snipe.net Snipe-IT @snipeyhead Editing sponsored by Larajobs Transcription sponsored by GoTranscript.com [music] Matt: All right, cool. All right. Welcome back to the latest episode of Laravel Podcast. It's been a little bit of a break for those of you who tune in to every new episode, but I've got another great interview here. As with every single one, I'm interested and excited to introduce someone to you. Some of you have heard of before, a lot of you might not know that she actually works in Laravel. Either way, it's going to be great. This is Snipe. Although in my head, you have been Snipeyhead because I feel that's been your Twitter name for a while. Real name, Alison Gianotto, but I'm probably just going to end up calling you Snipe for rest of this call. Before I go in asking you questions, the first thing I want to do is just I always ask somebody, if you meet somebody in the grocery store who you know isn't technical at all, and they ask you, "What do you do?" What's the first way you answer that question? Snipe: I say I work with computers. Matt: Right, and then if they say, "My cousin works with computers and whatever." Where do you go from there? Snipe: Well, it depends on their answer. If they say, "Do you fix computers?" I'm like, "Not exactly." If they say, "Really? What type of computer work do you do?" I say, "Well, I'm a programmer." They're like, "So you make games?" "Well, not exactly." If they say something like, "Mobile apps or web? What languages?" Then I'm like, "Okay, now I can actually have a conversation." I don't do it to be disrespectful to the person asking. It's just confusing to them, and so I like to keep it bite-sized enough that no one gets confused. Matt: If you talk to a grandma in a store who doesn't have much exposure with computers, and you say, "Well, I work in InfoSec with blah-blah-blah." Then she's going to go, "Huh?" I totally hear you. If somebody does ask and they say, "You know what? I actually work in Rails," or, "I know what a framework is." How do you answer someone when they are more technical? Let's say, somebody-- You understand that this person is going to get all the names that you drop. Where do you go from there? How do you tell someone about what you do? Snipe: I actually usually say that I run a software company. I say, "I run a small software company that basically works on open source software." Usually, they look at me like, "How do you--" Matt: How do you make money? Snipe: Literally makes no sense. [laughter] Matt: Which is where we're going to go. Let's actually go there. Snipe-IT, it's a company that has an open source product. I'm guessing that you make your money by paid support plans and hosting plans. Right? Then you also have the whole thing available for free in open source? Snipe: That's correct. Yes. Matt: Could you give us a little pitch for anybody who doesn't know what Snipe-IT is, and what it does, and who it's for? Snipe: I'm so bad at this. I'm the worst salesperson ever. Matt: Well, I'm helping you grow. [laughter] Matt: Thirty seconds or less. Snipe: If you have any kind of a company and you buy assets like laptops, or desktops, or monitors, you need to keep track of them and you know who has what, what software is installed on what. Then usually I'm like, "I've got this nailed. I've got this nailed." Then I end up saying, "It's not a very sexy project, but people need it." [chuckles] Matt: Right, right, right. You have to justify yourself in your sales. Snipe: I know it. I really do. I'm really the worst at it. People get really excited. We're going to DEF CON this year like we usually do. I'm actually bringing my whole crew. Matt: Cool. Snipe: Because I really want them to be able to experience the way people react when they realize that we are Snipe-IT because they just get so excited. I've had people run across the conference floor to give me a hug that I've never met. Matt: Wow. Snipe: It's really cool. There was another time I was talking to, I think, YTCracker on the conference floor. He introduces me to one of his friends. He's like, "Yes, she's got a IT asset management software." He's like, "Really? I just heard about one of those. That was really great." I know exactly where this is going. I'm watching him look at his phone. He's like, "Yes, I just heard about it. It's really amazing. I think through your competition." I'm just sitting there smirking and I'm like, "Okay." Totally, I know exactly where this is going, but I let him spend five minutes looking it up on his phone. He's like, "It's called Snipe It?" I just look at him like, "Hi, I'm Snipe." [laughter] Snipe: It was actually wonderful. Matt: It's one of the benefits not just of having the company, but actually naming it after yourself. You're like, "No. I'm actually the Snipe. That's me." Snipe: I'm excited to bring my crew out to DEF CON this year so they can really get to experience that first hand. Because like anything else in open source and in company support in general, a lot of times, you only hear the negative stuff. You hear about when something is broken or when something doesn't work exactly the way they want it to work. To actually get just random people coming up-- I'm getting us swag. I'm getting us t-shirts printed out. I'm super excited. Matt: I love it. There's nothing like having the opportunity to see the people who love what you're doing to really motivate you to go back and do it again. I hear that, for sure. Snipe: Definitely. Open source can be really tough with that because for the most part, the only thing that you're hearing is, "It doesn't work," or, "Why doesn't it do it do this thing?" Or people telling you how they think your software should work. To just get basically unbridled love, it really recharges me. It makes me want to work on a project even harder. Matt: Plus, the phrase unbridled love is just fantastic. [laughter] Matt: It should be in our lexicon more often. Snipe: I agree. Matt: It's asset management software. I'm imagining I've got a 500-person company, and every single person gets issued a laptop within certain specs. After it's a certain amount of time old, then it gets replaced. We're going to make sure they have the latest build of whatever, Windows and the latest security patches, and that kind of stuff. It's at the point where you don't have-- My company has, I think, 17 people right now. There is just a spreadsheet somewhere. This is when you get to the point where a spreadsheet is really missing people. People aren't getting their upgrades. People don't have security updates. My guess was the reason there was InfoSec involved in this at DEF CON is because security updates is a big piece of why that's the case. Did I assume right? Could you tell us a little bit more about how InfoSec and security are related to what you're doing here? Snipe: You're kind of right. We don't currently have a network agent, so we don't have anything that listens on the wire. We do have a JSON REST API, though. Basically, we're now working with folks like Jira, Atlassian, and we're going to be working with a JaMP API to try and basically make that stuff easier. I feel like its out of scope for us to try and build another networking agent, but we have an API. If we can just build those bridges, then it just makes it a little bit easier. Ultimately, in terms of security, the real reason why I think people in InfoSec appreciate this tool, especially given the fact that we don't have-- And some people in InfoSec actually like the fact that we don't have a monitoring agent because that actually becomes a separate problem in and of itself. Let me give you a backstory on why I created this in the first place. Matt: Please do. Snipe: Maybe that'll help explain a little bit more. I was the CTO of an ad agency in New York City. We had grown from-- I think I was employee number 12, and we were now at 60 something people. We were using a Google Sheet shared between three IT people, some of which were not necessarily the most diligent- [laughter] Matt: Sure. Snipe: -about keeping things up to date. Basically, when you've got a single point of truth that is no longer a single point of truth, it becomes a bit of a hellish nightmare. Additionally, if you're repurposing-- Because it's an ad agency, so you have a lot of turnover. You don't have any history on any particular asset if this asset is actually bad. If the hard drive on this is actually just bad and should be replaced. If this is bad hardware, then we should consider just unsetting it, and getting a brand new box, whatever. We had to move offices. We were moving our main office and also our data center. Of course, when you're trying to move a 60-person company, and servers, and everything else, the very first thing that you have to do is to know what you have. That was an enlightening experience. It basically turned out that we had about $10,000 worth of hardware that we just didn't know where it was anymore. Matt: Wow. Snipe: People got fired. This is basically before I was a CTO and before I had set up the exiting process. People had been fired or had quit and just taken their laptops with them. That's got company data on it. That was a huge, huge issue for us. I was like, "Okay, we need something that we can integrate into our exit strategy or exit process to make sure that we're reclaiming back all of the data that--" Because some of those stuff is client data. It's actually really sensitive from a corporate perspective. Also, sometimes it's customer data. It was really important to have a way to handle that a bit better. That's it. The asset part is the most important part of that software. We do have support for licenses where the cloud offering portion of that is not as fully developed. We're going to be building in a services section soon. That will describe, for example, if you had Snipe-IT as a vendor, where would we fit in this ecosystem for our customers? We don't actually have a good answer for that. We're going to be building out a services section that lets you know how much money you're paying every month, how many seats you have. Matt: That's great. That would cover not just global stuff, but also individual subscriptions like Adobe and PHP-- Snipe: Sure, sure. Matt: Cool. That's awesome. Snipe: Licenses are really hard. They're hard because you can have-- One of our customers actually has a hundred thousand licenses. Matt: Oh, my Lord. Snipe: Because you've got this notion of a software license and then a bunch of different seats. There are some licenses that have one seat, and only one seat they only ever will. Then there are ones that have tens of thousands. For example, Microsoft Suite. If you have a large company, you're going to have a lot of those licenses. One of the things I care really deeply about in Snipe-IT, and I think one of the reasons why we've been successful in this really saturated marketplace, because it is a really saturated marketplace, is that I care a lot about the users' experience. I know, for example, that our licenses section, the UI on that, the UX on that is not as optimized as it could be. That will be the next thing that we're really tackling is because it is a popular section. It's one that because of the nature of the variability of licenses, makes that a really tricky UX problem to solve. That's one of the things that I love about this work is getting to solve those kinds of problems. Matt: You're just starting to make me interested in this which means you're doing your job of the sales pitch. You said you got something you're super comfortable with. Snipe: [laughs] Matt: I always struggle-- Somebody made a joke and they said something like, "It's a drinking game for how many times Matt says 'I could talk about this for hours' during a podcast." Snipe: I did see that, yes. Matt: We're there already. [laughter] Matt: I want to step back from Snipe-IT just a little bit. Snipe It, I want to call it Snipe It now that you said that. Snipe: Please don't call it that. [laughs] Matt: I won't, I promise. Think a little bit about what got you to here, and what got you to the point where you're a name and an online persona. I saw you had some interactions with @SwiftOnSecurity the other day. Everyone got all excited seeing the two of you interacting. What was the story? I want to eventually go back to when you got into computers in the first place. First, what was the story of the process of you going from just any other person on the Internet, on Twitter, on GitHub, or whatever to being a persona that is relatively well-known across multiple communities? Snipe: I can't really answer that for you because I don't really understand it myself. Other than lots of poop jokes-- Matt: It's the best. Snipe: Yes. [chuckles] I think, probably, I've been on Twitter for a while. Also, I was on IRC for a long time. I think I'm still an op in the ##php channel on Freenode, although I don't visit there as often as I used to. I was really involved in that as I was learning PHP, and as I was helping other people learn PHP. I don't know. I've always been a mouthy broad, and I think that's probably worked because whether you like me or not, you remember me. [laughs] Matt: Yes, for sure. Snipe: I'm doing my very best to not swear on your podcast, by the way. I've caught myself at least five times that I'm like, "No, no, no." [laughs] Matt: If it happens, it happens but I appreciate it. Snipe: I'm doing my very best. I'm at a conference-- Matt: Broad was a good one, yes. All right, exactly. Snipe: Yes, I know. Yes, exactly. I was like, "B-b-b-broad." Matt: [laughs] Snipe: Which is an offensive term in and of itself, but it's still- Matt: We toned it down a little. Snipe: -better than the alternative, I think. [laughter] Matt: I love it. Snipe: I'm trying my best here, Matt. Matt: I appreciate it very much. Was it in the world of PHP? First of all, I heard longevity. I've been here for a while. That's always a big win. Poop jokes, that's also obviously big win. Give the people what they want. Snipe: I don't know if I can say dick jokes on your podcast. Matt: Well, you did. There we are. Snipe: Dick jokes are definitely big part of my repertoire. [laughs] Matt: Yes, I know. Being an interesting person, having been around for a while, but was it in PHP, and teaching PHP, and being around in the PHP world for a while, was that the main space where you came to prominence versus InfoSec, versus being open source business owner? Was it primarily in being a PHP personality where you came to at least your original knownness? Snipe: I think probably. Probably, yes. When I grab onto something, I don't let go of it. I've been doing some Perl work. I've probably started with Perl, but that was back in the days when I ran Linux as a desktop on purpose. [laughs] Matt: Oh, my goodness. Snipe: I was writing some Perl stuff. Heard about this this crazy thing called PHP which looked way easier and was way more readable, and ended up writing some-- Now, terribly insecure. I know this now, because it's like 2000, 2001, something like that. Which is for going back a ways. I had just started to put out stupid scripts like e-card scripts and things like that, because they served the need that I needed to have filled. This is a well-known secret, but I worked Renaissance Fairs for a very long time. I was guild member number four of the International Wenches Guild. Matt: What? Snipe: Yes. That's not even the most interesting thing I can tell you. Anyway, I was running their website Wench.org which now looks terrible because Facebook took over that community. I used to have interactive like sending roses to each other. Because in the Renaissance Fair community, different rose colors have different meaning. It's basically like an online greeting card thing with these built-in rose color meanings. You could pick different colors of roses and send them to people that you liked, or people you didn't like, or whatever. Having this playground of a huge community of people who-- Basically, I would post to the forums. I'd say, "I'm thinking about building this. What do you guys think?" By the time they actually answered me, I had already built it anyway. I was just like, "This looks really interesting. I want to see if I can do this." Matt: To do it, yes. Snipe: Yes, exactly. It was really, really cool to have access to, basically, a beta-testing community that was super excited about anything that I put out. It definitely stoked the fires for me, stretching and doing things that I may not have done if I didn't have a reason to do it before. Matt: Well, I love how much passion plays a part there. Not this ill-defined like, "I'm passionate about programming. That means I spend all my free time doing it," but more like-- I've noticed that a lot of people who are a little bit older had PHP-- Actually, just developers in general which is quite a few people I've had on the show. Snipe: Are you calling me old? Matt: Me too. I'm in the group too. Snipe: Are you calling me old? Oh my God. That's it. This interview is over. [laughter] Matt: You're going to burn the place down. I think those of us who started back when becoming a programmer wasn't necessarily going to make you big and rich. There's a little bit of that idea today. Go do a six-month boot camp, and then you're going to be rich or something. I think when a lot of us started-- I'm putting myself in that bucket, in the '90s and the '80s. When we started, it was because it was something that allowed us to do things we couldn't do otherwise. I don't know your whole back story, so I want to hear it, but a lot of the people I've noticed, "I was in the dancing community. I was in the video game community. I was in the Renaissance whatever Fair community." Snipe: I used to work on Wall Street. That was what I was doing before I got into computers. [laughs] Matt: Okay. Well, before I talk anymore, we need to talk about this. Tell me the story. Tell me about Wall Street, and then tell me when did you actually first get into computers? Snipe: I left high school. I was living with my sister in a tent in Montana for about nine months. Then it got too cold, our toothpaste started to freeze during the day. We were like, "F this business." We went down to Colorado because we'd met some friends at Colorado School of Mines. Stayed there for a little bit. Came back to New Jersey, and was like, "Well, I don't want to go to college. I also don't have any money for college." [laughs] There's that. I ended up waitressing for a little bit. Was waitressing, wearing my indoor soccer shoes, because I was a soccer player for 13 years. The coach from Caine College came in to eat at my restaurant. He looks at me with disdain and he goes, "You actually play soccer with those, or are they just for fashion?" Matt: Oh, my goodness. Snipe: I'm like, "Bitch, I was All-State. What are you talking about?" [laughter] Snipe: He's like, "Do you want to go to college?" I'm like, "I guess." He invited me to go to Caine College where I studied education of the hearing impaired for exactly one semester. [laughter] Snipe: I was like, "Holy crap. This is so boring. I can't do this." Not the education of the hearing impaired part. Matt: Just college. Snipe: Yes, it just wasn't my jam. I was like, "I want to move to New York." I moved to New York City. I pick up a paper, and I'm like, "Okay, I'm super not qualified to do any of these things." Basically, I was a leatherworker at a Renaissance Fair. I'd done makeup work for the adult film industry. I'm like, "Um." Of course, the easiest way to Wall Street is sales. I had the most grueling interview I've ever had in my life, because I didn't know anything about real sales compared to retail. I remember sweating so hard. I'd just dyed my hair back to a normal color. You could still see a little bit of green in it, and I'm wearing my sister's fancy, fancy suit. I have no idea what I'm actually going to be doing there. It is literally out of Glengarry Glen Ross, high-pressure sales that they're expecting from me. I'm like, "I'm 17, 18 years old. I have no idea what I'm doing." I managed to pull it out. At the very last minute, I got the job. Matt: Nice. Snipe: Was working at a place that did forex futures. Then they went out of business because the principals moved back to Argentina with all of our clients' money. That spent a little bit of time in the attorney general's office, making it really clear that we had nothing to do with it. Matt: At least it was there and not jail. Snipe: That's absolutely true. It's not that uncommon that the main traders are the ones that actually have the access to the real money. Then we started working at a stock shop. I realized I was working until six, seven o'clock at night, busting my ass all for lines in a ledger. I was actually pretty good at that job, but I also caught myself using those creepy, sleazy sales techniques on my friends and my family. When you catch yourself saying, "Well, let me ask you this." You're like, "Ah, ah." Matt: "I hate myself. Oh, my God, what am I doing?" Snipe: I know. I just realized that I hated myself, and that I didn't want to do it anymore. I quit my job. I had a boyfriend at that time that had a computer. That's pretty much it. I had done some basic programming, literally BASIC programming in high school. Matt: Like QBasic? Snipe: Yes. BASIC in high school. In fact, funny story, when I wrote my first book-- I almost didn't graduate high school because my parents were getting divorced, and I just checked out. I was good in all my classes, I just checked out. I had to pass a computer programming class in order to graduate. My teacher, who was the track coach as well, Coach Terrell, he knew me from soccer. He calls me into his office. He's like, "Alison, I've got to tell you. You just weren't here, and you know that if you don't show up, I penalize you for that. Did really well on all your tests, but attendance is not optional in this class. I just don't think I can pass you." I'm like, "I'm not going to graduate then." He's like, "All right. Well, the thing is that when you're here, you do really good work. I'm going to let you go this time, but you've really got to get your shit together." Matt: Wow. Snipe: When I published my first programming book, I sent him a copy. [laughter] Matt: That's awesome. Snipe: I wrote on the inside, "Dear Coach Terrell, thanks for having faith in me." [laughs] Matt: That's amazing, and you know he has that sitting on the shelf where everyone can see it. Snipe: Yes, yes, yes. Matt: That's really cool. Snipe: That was really nice of him. [laughs] My life would have had a slightly different outcome if I'd had to take some more time, and get a GED, and everything else just because I didn't show up to my programming class. Matt: Wow. Snipe: Anyway, I left Wall Street because I had a soul, apparently. Matt: Turns out. Snipe: It turns out, "Surprise." I totally still have one. [laughter] Matt: It's funny because you're telling me this whole story, and what I'm seeing in front of my face in Skype is your avatar. For anyone who's never seen this avatar, it's got a star around one eye, smirky, slanty eyes, looking down where you're like, "I'm going to get you." It's funny hearing you tell this story, and just the dissonance is so strong of seeing that, hearing your voice, and then hearing you talk about being on Wall Street. Obviously, I'm looking back. Hindsight is 20/20, but seeing this story turned out the way it has so far does not surprise me, looking at the picture of you that I'm looking at right now. Snipe: Mohawk people have souls too. Matt: It turns out, yes. Snipe: I got that mohawk as a fundraiser for EFF. Matt: Really? Snipe: I raised like $1,500 for EFF a bunch of years ago. Matt: You just liked it and kept it? Snipe: Yes. Once I had it, I was like, "Wait a minute. This completely fits me. Why did I not have this my entire life?" Matt: That's awesome. Snipe: Yes, there was a good reason behind it. Matt: Honestly, what I meant is actually the inverse which is that I associate having the soul-- When you imagine a soulless, crushing New York City job where you hate what you're doing, you don't usually associate it with the sense of owning who I am and myself that is associated with the picture I'm looking at right in front of me. Your boyfriend at that time had a computer, you actually had a little bit of history because you'd studied at least some coding. You said primarily and BASIC in high school. Where did you go from there? Was that when you were doing the Renaissance Fairs, and you started building that? Or was there a step before that? Snipe: No. Remember, this is back when the Web-- I'm 42. Matt: I wasn't making any assumptions about what the Web was like at that point. Snipe: I think there might have been one HTML book that was about to come out. That's where we were. If you wanted to do anything on the Web, you basically figured out how to right-click- Matt: View source them. Snipe: -and view source, and you just poked at things until they did what you wanted. There was no other way around that. I realized that I really liked it because it let me say what I wanted to say, it let me make things look-- For what we had back then, we didn't have JavaScript, or CSS, or any of that stuff. Matt: Right. Use that cover tag. Snipe: Yes, exactly. It was enormously powerful to be able to have things to say, and put them out there, and other people could see it. Then I just started to freelance doing that. I was also doing some graphic design for one of those-- It's like the real estate magazines, like Autotrader type of things but for cars. I used to do photo correction for them using CorelDraw, I think it was. Matt: Oh, my gosh, that's a throwback. Snipe: Yes. I'm an old, old woman. [laughter] Matt: I've used CorelDraw in my day, but it's been a long time. Snipe: Our hard drives would fill up every single day, and so we'd have to figure out what had already gone to press that we can delete it off. Basically, Photoshopping, to use Photoshop as a verb inappropriately, garbage cans and other stuff out of people's black and white, crappy photos. Because he was nice enough to give me a job. I offered and I said, "You know, I can make you a website." He's like, "Yes, the Internet's a fad." I was like, "I'm just trying to build up my portfolio, dude, for you for free." He's like, "Yes, yes, yes, it's not going to stick." I'm like, "Okay." [laughs] Matt: All right, buddy. Snipe: That's where it started. Then I think I moved to Virginia for a short amount of time, and then Georgia. Got a job at a computer telephony company where I was running their website, and also designing trade show materials like booths and stuff, which, by the way, I had no idea how to do. No one was more surprised than I was when they took pictures of the trade show and the booth actually looked amazing. Matt: That should look good. Snipe: I was like, "Look, yes." Matt: "Hey, look at that." [laughter] Snipe: That's very, very lucky. There was definitely a lot of fake it until you make it. Also, I've never designed a trade show booth, but trade show booths do get designed by someone, and at least a handful of those people have never done it before. Matt: Right. I'm relatively intelligent person, I understand the general shape of things. Snipe: Yes. Get me some dimensions, I'm sure I could make this work. Matt: What is the DPI thing again? [chuckles] Snipe: Yes, exactly. That was exciting and fun. Then I moved back to New York to teach web design and graphic design at an extension of Long Island University. Matt: Cool. Snipe: Yes, it was actually very, very cool. The school was owned by these two teeny-tiny Israeli ladies. They were absolutely fabulous. It was kind of a crash course in Hasidic and Orthodox Jewish culture. It was in Flatbush, so basically, 90% of my students were Hasidic or Orthodox. I think I broke every rule ever. The two owners of the school would just look at me and laugh. They wouldn't offer me any guidance. They just liked watching. Matt: Well, it would be awkward. Yes. Snipe: Exactly. I'm like, "Why would you do that to me?" [laughter] Snipe: They're just laughing. I could hear them laughing from upstairs- Matt: That's hilarious. Snipe: -when they knew I was putting my foot in another cultural mess. That was really, really fun. I learned a lot from that. I learned a lot about teaching. I even got to have a deaf student one time, which was great, except I didn't know-- I used to know or still know American sign language, but when I learned, there weren't any computer-related signs. It was actually a weird barrier that I hadn't thought about. We're like, "Okay, I can sign as I'm talking," but then I'm like, "Wait, do I have to spell all this stuff out every single time? I have no idea." That was cool. Then I started just doing HTML for a company called Cybergirl, which is not a porn site. I always have to clarify that. Not that there's anything wrong with porn, but it was not, in fact, a porn site. It was an online women's community. Matt: Cool. Snipe: They weren't really super profitable in the community itself, so they had a separate part that did websites for clients. I was put on to work mostly with their clients. They had stuff written in ASP, ColdFusion. Because the people who had designed it weren't there anymore, I basically had to learn all of these languages. Also, we only had a part time sysadmin, so when we'd hire someone new, I'm like, "I guess I'm creating email accounts for people now." I became a stand-in for a lot of different roles. Got to play with a lot of different languages, some of which I liked vastly better than others. ColdFusion? Really? [laughs] Matt: ASP wasn't that bad. There was worse things than classic ASP. Snipe: Yes, there are. That is a thing that could be said. That is an opinion one might have. [laughter] Matt: Trying to keep a positive spin on it. Snipe: I would say that all of these languages, the ones that are still around, have come a very long way since then, including PHP. Matt: Yes, yes. .NET is not a classic ASP. PHP 5, whatever. PHP 7 is no PHP 3, for sure. Snipe: Certainly. Matt: Were you using PHP at that point already, then? Was that one your-- Snipe: Yes. That was one I was-- Because I'd already done some Perl stuff, and it just wasn't that hard. One of our clients had a website, I think it was The Bone Marrow Foundation, had their website in PHP. That forced me to do a bit more legwork on it. That was the beginnings, the very beginnings. Matt: At that point, we're probably talking about single-page PHP files for each page. At the top, you've got a common.inc that you're doing your database connections. Then below that, it's just a template, right? Okay. Snipe: Functions.inc and usually some sort of PHTML. [laughs] Matt: God, PHTML, yes. Okay, all right. Snipe: I told you, I am an old, old lady. Matt: Honestly, we worked on a site that still used PHTML and things like four or five years ago. I was like, "I didn't even know that PHP parser is still allowed for this." Apparently, some of these things still stick around. Snipe: Whatever you set as your acceptable file formats, it'll parse. Matt: Yes, you can make it happen. Snipe: I can have a .dot site file extension if I wanted to. Matt: I like that idea now. Jeez. When was the transition? What were the steps between there and ending up where you are now? Are we still many steps behind, or did you get out on your own pretty quickly after that? Snipe: I was doing some contract work. Thanks to a friend that I'd met through IRC. I was doing some contract work for a company out in San Diego. They were an ad agency. This is the beginning of the days when marketing companies were trying to own digital, and they were trying to build up their digital departments. They moved me out there because they're like, "You're amazing, so come on out here and build up our team." I did. I built up their team. We had some really cool clients. We had San Diego Zoo, San Diego Padres, California Avocado Commission. At that time, I didn't like avocados. I was giving away free avocados that I did not like. Matt: [chuckles] Oh, no. That's so good. Snipe: I hate myself now for knowing how many avocados I could have had. [laughs] I got to build lots of custom web apps, all the database-y stuff. That was really fun. I left there, started my own web design company for lack of a better term, where I was basically using PHP, but also pretending like I knew how to design anything at all. Sorry, hang on. Incoming call. Building my own custom applications for people. None of it is really that fancy, but whatever. That was fun. Then I broke my foot. This is before the ACA, and so I had no insurance. Thousands of dollars and a spiral fracture later, I'm like, "Maybe I should get a real job." [laughter] Snipe: I started to work for the San Diego Blood Bank, which was a great gig. It's probably my favorite job. The pay wasn't that great, but my coworkers were great. Your hours were your hours. There was no overtime. If you had to work overtime, you got paid double time and a half, something like that. It was insane. Matt: Especially compared to the ad agency world, which is basically the exact opposite. Snipe: Yes. Yes. There's no amount of blood you can show to prove that you're loyal to that particular market. I ended up moving back to New York and ended up working for the Village Voice for a little while. Matt: Really? That's cool. Snipe: Yes, that was cool. Unfortunately, they had already been bought out by Newtimes, and so they were not the Village Voice that I grew up with, the one that warmed the liberal cockles of my heart. It was actually a crap place to work, to be honest. People were getting fired all the time. There was this one guy, he used to hang out in the archives room with an X-Acto blade and a piece of paper and would just cut at the piece of paper. He was actually scary. Everyone was afraid of him, because that's office shooter kind of crazy. Matt: Exactly, exactly. Snipe: I left there, finally, and worked for another ad agency. That's the one that I was working at when I finally started to work with Snipe-IT. Finally started to make Snipe-IT. For a while, while I was in California, the nice thing about running your own gig back then, because it was like a one-man shop, so I didn't have people that I had to worry about. I got a chance to work with tigers for about a year. It was just exhausting. That was around the time when I was writing my book, too. Working with tigers, commuting four hours a day, coming home stinking like raw chicken and tiger pee. Then working on my book, and then whatever I can possibly eke out for customers. It was pretty chaotic and definitely exhausting, but they were good times. Matt: I don't want to preach too far on this, but I feel like the more of our story that takes us around different aspects of life and different experiences, the more we bring to the thing we're in right now. That's one of the reasons I keep pushing on people having histories before they came to tech or diverse histories in tech. It's not to say that someone who just graduated from college and instantly got a job as a developer is therefore now incomplete, but I think that a lot of what makes a lot of people interesting is what they bring outside. That's true for anybody, right? What makes you different from the people around you makes you different, and makes you interesting, and it makes you have a perspective to be able to bring that the people around you don't. It sounds like you have quite a few of those, at least as you enter into the communities that I'm asking you from the perspective of whether PHP, or Laravel, or anything like that. I don't know where I'm going with that, but anyway. Snipe: [laughs] Matt: That's very interesting to hear. Snipe: I always say I sound really interesting on paper. I'm not really that interesting to talk to, but when you actually look at all the crap I've done, it's like, "Wow. That's kind of a lot." Matt: Right. That is a lot going on. Snipe: It's all weird. Weird stuff. Matt: If I remember right, the book that you wrote was a Wrox PHP book, right? Snipe: Yes, yes. You can still get it on Amazon, but it costs more to ship. Matt: Really? I got to-- Snipe: Actually, I'm not sure. It may just be eBay. The last time I checked, it was selling for $2.95 and costs like $80 to ship. [laughs] Matt: Professional PHP4 Web Development Solutions. Snipe: Yes. Matt: I don't see a Mohawk. I don't know which one's you. Snipe: No, no. Matt: [laughs] Snipe: Yes, I know. Gosh, it's a mystery of the ages, isn't it? [laughs] Matt: All right. Yes. $22.99. Wow. What was your experience like writing a book? Would you do it again? Snipe: Possibly, but I would need a bit more written assurances up front about how-- This is a co-authored book. Basically, we were not given communication information with each other. We were writing these chapters completely independently and it sucked. I offered to set up a bulletin board just so we could-- For some reason, they didn't want us talking to each other or something. I don't know, but I was like, "Because I don't know where this chapter is going to fall, I want to make sure that I'm not rehashing a thing that's already been discussed, or touching on something that needs more information." They never facilitated that. They actually pushed back against it. It was really frustrating. You're literally writing chapters in a vacuum that then have to be cohesive when you string them all together. I would need to know if it was going to be a co-authorship. I would need to know that this will truly be collaborative. Because the way it looks on the cover, it looks like we're all hanging out. No, I don't think I've ever spoken to those people ever. [laughs] Matt: Wow. Jeez. Snipe: It's really weird. It's really weird. I did not like that. I thought that was really just not a way to give the best experience to the reader. If I was going to collaborate, I would have to make sure that there was something like that. I've toyed with writing a couple of books over the last few years. It is also a bit of a time suck. Matt: Yes, it is. My perception, what I've told people in the past is that people often ask me, "Should I write a book with a traditional publisher like you did?" Because mine was with O'Reilly. "Or should I self-publish like a lot of the people in our community have?" My general perception has been, if you want to make money, self-publish. Snipe: Definitely. Matt: If you want reach that's outside of your current ability, then consider a traditional publisher. You've got quite a bit of reach and I wonder whether it's-- Snipe: This is like 2003, though. Matt: I don't mean for them, but I mean now. If you're going at it now. It seems like there'll probably be less of a reason for you to do a traditional publisher at this point. Snipe: I don't know, though. I still kind of O'Reilly. Matt: You still like it? Snipe: Being a published O'Reilly author, I still toy with that, honestly. Matt: I tell people I got a degree in secondary English education, basically. This O'Reilly book is my proof that I'm actually a real programmer. Snipe: [laughs] You know what? Honestly, that was really important to me back then. Snipe: Me too, really. Matt: I don't know where things would have gone, I don't know if I would have-- I probably would have stuck with it because I really, really liked it. I think that gave me a bit of confidence that I really needed. Proof, again, because I didn't graduate college. I nearly didn't graduate high school because of the programming class. [laughs] It was a way for me to say not just to the rest of the world, but to myself, like, "Hey, I actually know what I'm talking about." Matt: You can't underappreciate just how significant that is. I love that you said it. It's not just to everybody else, it's to you, too. Snipe: More than anyone else, to myself, honestly. I don't care what you guys think. [laughs] Matt: I spent several thousand hours writing a book with a major publisher so that I can overcome impostor syndrome. It's totally worth it. [laughter] Snipe: I still have it. That's a thing, I have it. Matt: I still have it, but maybe a little less. Snipe: At least if someone actually pushes the impostor syndrome too far, I'll be like, "I wrote a book. What have you done?" Matt: Exactly. Snipe: Meanwhile, I go off and rock in the corner as if, "Oh, my God. I don't deserve to be here. I don't deserve to be here." Matt: Exactly. It certainly doesn't make it go away, but maybe it's a tool in our arsenal to battle it. Snipe: That's a very good way to describe it. Matt: I like it. Snipe: I would need that to be a bit more of a tighter process. Matt: Well, if you decide to write with O'Reilly, I know some people. Just give me a call. Snipe: [laughs] I also know some people in O'Reilly. Matt: I was just going to say I'm pretty sure you don't need me for any of that kind of stuff. I just had to say it to try and seem like I actually matter, so this works. Snipe: Of course, you matter. Matt: I matter. Snipe: I got up early for you, Matt. I got up early for you. Matt: That's true. Snipe: You don't have any idea. Matt: That's true, this is quite early your time. I appreciate it. Snipe: [laughs] Matt: I'm trying to not talk forever. I'm trying to move us on even though I'm just my usual caveats, everyone take a drink. You eventually started Snipe-IT. I think we skipped a couple of things. We were talking about you becoming the CTO of the ad agency and being in a place where you needed to manage that kind of stuff. You started Snipe-IT. You now have a remote team. Could you tell me a little about the makeup of your team, and what it's like running a remote team, and the pros and cons you've experienced, and anything else that you would want to share about what that experience is like for you? Snipe: Well, I'm really lucky, first of all, because although our team is remote, we're all also local. We can actually see each other, we'll go out and have beers when we hit a major milestone. We'll go out and have some champagne and celebrate that we do get to see each other's faces. Also, we were friends first, so that helps. It's totally, totally different. If you're looking for advice on how to run a real remote team, that I can't help you with. I can't tell you how to manage your friends through Slack, though. [laughs] Matt: Basically, you and a bunch of friends live like an hour driving distance to each other or whatever and choose to work from home? Snipe: More like seven minutes. [laughs] Matt: Jeez. Snipe: Yes, yes. Matt: Okay, so this is really just like, "We just don't feel like going to an office," kind of vibe. Snipe: It's pants, it's pants. I'm not putting on pants. I've worked too hard in my career to have to put on pants anymore. There is a reason this isn't a video call, Matt. Seriously. [laughter] Matt: I wish that this was one of the podcasts-- Snipe: I think I just made Matt blush, by the way. Matt: I wish this was one of the podcasts where they name each episode, because that would have been the name right there for this episode. I might have to, just for this one, just give it a name just for that. Okay. I hear you. I get it. Snipe: The thing is I hadn't actually planned on hiring when I did. The reality is I should have, because I was really buckling under the helpdesk. That customer support load was a lot. It was causing me a great deal of anxiety. Looking back at it now, it was really untenable. Of course, I think that I'm 10 feet tall and bulletproof, so I'm like, "I got this. I got this." Meanwhile, it's four o'clock in the morning and I can't even see straight anymore. I ended up having to hire someone for a personal reason. She's actually worked out great. She's an absolute rock star on the helpdesk. She's never worked a helpdesk before, and she owns it. It's actually really, really great. Once I'd hired her, I think-- The onboarding takes a little bit. Especially, literally never worked a helpdesk before, so it's not just onboarding with my company, it's like onboarding the entire concept. As soon as she got her footing, she just completely handled it. It was really great. The next hire was a developer/sysadmin that I've known for a while. He is just fantastic. He's actually the harder one because he, I think, requires a little bit more structure, and a little bit more face time. I need to be better. I do. I need to be better about working with that because in my head, I'm still managing this the way that I want to be managed. I forget that that's actually not my job anymore. Matt: People are different. Snipe: Yes, people are different. Also, not everybody wants what I want. Frankly, it doesn't matter what I want. Ultimately, that's no longer a luxury that I have, caring more about how I want things to go for myself. That priority has shifted, and so I'm having to painfully learn [chuckles] that lesson. Not painfully. I love my entire team. They're absolutely amazing. I'm super, super grateful for them every day that goes by. Every time one of them takes vacation, we all hold on to our desks. We're like, "Okay, we can get through this, we can get through this." It's a learning curve, certainly. I've run my own small business, I've run dev teams. This is a different thing though, because the reason why I wanted to make this a company instead of just running this as a side project is because I've worked for tons of shitty companies. I want to build the company that I wish I'd worked for. Matt: I'm so sorry for doing this, but I was doing that thing where you're hearing somebody talking and waiting for your chance to talk. I literally was about to say Dan and I, when we started Tighten, the first thing we said was, "We want to build the company we want to work for." You just said and I'm like, "Exactly." That introduces the problem you're talking about, which is you just assume everybody wants the same things you want. It also means nobody else gets to force you to put people through things that you wouldn't want to be put through. It's an incredible freedom if you can make it profitable. Snipe: Yes. Absolutely. Getting to institute stuff that I think is really worker-friendly. We all make our own hours. We have office hours so that when Victoria's handling the helpdesk, she's got access to the text that she needs during a certain amount of time. In general, she's got a kid. We have to have that flexibility, so that she-- Honestly, she just lets us know that she's going to pick up her kid. It's like, "Okay, cool. See you back in half an hour or whatever." Vacation, she had not had a real vacation in probably 10 or 15 years. Last year, we were like, "You are taking vacation." She kept checking into Slack. I'm like, "Girl, I will actually revoke your credentials." Matt: [laughs] Exactly. Snipe: Do not play with me. Matt: I love it. Snipe: This year, I've decided that there's two weeks basically mandatory vacation, and we're going to put $3,000 towards each person's vacation funds- Matt: That's cool. Snipe: -so that they can actually go and do something awesome, and relaxing, and not stress about money while they're there, and just get to go and actually enjoy things, and come back refreshed and ready to work. It's pretty cool being able to come up with stuff like this and really like, "What would I have needed?" Because when I was working at the ad agencies especially, I would accrue my PTO. Honestly, that's why Snipe-IT existed. It was because I had two and a half weeks, three weeks of PTO that was not going to roll over. They made me take vacation in November. They wouldn't let me do it in December. They made me do it in November, and I was like, "Yes, three weeks of just relaxing, playing video games." That didn't work. I accidentally the product. [laughs] Now, I accidentally the business. Matt: That's awesome. One of the things I often talk about as an entrepreneur, as a business owner is something that I think people are scared of talking about, which is power. Because being a business owner means you get to hire, you get to figure out how money is spent, you get to figure out what pressures are and are not put in the people you work with. I call that power, but I think power doesn't have to be a scary word because, really, what matters is what you do with the power. When we hear power as a negative thing, it is usually because the people on power are benefiting themselves. I think that something is really beautiful, and wonderful, and we need more of in the world is when we can see power as a positive thing, because people get power and then use it for the benefit of other people. I just want to applaud and affirm what you're doing, because you just described that. It's like, "I got power, and the first thing I did was work to make other people's lives better understanding what the situation that they were in was." I love hearing that. I'm really glad that we got to talk about this today. Snipe: Well, thank you. I'm looking forward to coming up with more stuff like that. Matt: I love it. Snipe: It's super important to me. Our customers are incredibly important to us, obviously, but my staff is as important. You can't have one without the other either direction. Matt: In the end, they're just both people who you work with. The hope is that you're able to make both groups of people really have lives that are better because they had a chance to interact with you. Snipe: Yes, absolutely. Matt: Okay. We are almost out of time. I asked people at Tighten if they had any questions for you. They gave me a million, and I haven't gotten any of them. They're all going to be mad at me, so I'm trying to look at the one that I could pull up that won't turn into a 30-minute long conversation. Snipe: I'm Italian. There is literally nothing you can talk to me about that won't turn into a 30-minute conversation. [laughs] Matt: All right. I'll literally go with the question that has the least words in it and see if that gets us anywhere. Coffee or tea? Snipe: Red Bull. Matt: There you go. See how short that was? All right. Snipe: This podcast is sponsored by Red Bull. [laughter] Matt: It's so funny that it's been the thing at Tighten for the longest time, where those of us who started the company and the first hires were primarily coffee people. There's one tea holdout, but over time, the tea contingent has grown. Just within the last nine months, we hired two people who are Red Bull addicts. All of a sudden, we're shopping for the company on-site and they're like, "Orange Red Bull, no sugar, energy, blah, blah, blah." I'm like, I have a course in Red Bull flavors. Anyway, I still think it's pretty gross, but I did try some of them. Snipe: It's disgusting. No, it is utterly vile. It is really, really gross. [laughter] Matt: I don't get it. Please pitch me on why I would drink red Bull instead of coffee then. Snipe: No. If you don't drink Red Bull, then there will be more for me. First of all, I'm not going to pitch that. Matt: World's dwindling storage of Red Bull. Snipe: Obviously, we buy our stores out of local Red Bull, it's ridiculous. We have a main store, and then we have a failover store. Listen, you don't drink it because it tastes good. It tastes like dog ass, but it wakes you up. It keeps you awake. It feels the same role that coffee does, and frankly, I don't think that coffee tastes that good. Matt: Okay. Fair enough. Snipe: I can ask the same question to you. Matt: Right. For you, it's a combination. You don't like the flavor of either, but one of them you can buy in bulk and throw in the fridge? Snipe: Yes, yes. Matt: Got it. I get that. I love the flavor of coffee, but I'm like a geek. I have all the equipment, and all that kind of stuff. Snipe: Of course, you do. [laughter] Matt: Am I predictable? I am predictable. Okay. Snipe: I will neither confirm nor deny. My lawyer has advised me. [laughs] Matt: Not to make a statement on this particular-- I have one more and I'm praying that I can make it short, but I probably won't. You are a member of the Laravel community. You use Laravel. You share things every once in a while, but for someone who is such a big name, who's a member of the Laravel community, much of your popularity is not within the Laravel community. You're not popular because you're speaking at Laracon, you're not creating Laravel packages that all the people are consuming. It's this interesting thing where you're a very well-known person who uses Laravel and is a member of the Laravel community but is not necessarily gaining all that fame within Laravel space. It's an interesting overlap. As someone who does have exposure to lots of the tech communities, you're in the InfoSec world, you've been in PHP for a while, but you're also solidly Laravel. Do you have any perspectives on either, maybe the differences between InfoSec and PHP, differences between InfoSec and Laravel, and/or is there anything that you would say to the Laravel community, or things you'd either applaud or hope to see grow? Is there anything you just want to say about the way Laravel compares, or connects, or overlaps, or whatever with the rest of the world that you're in? Snipe It's always an ongoing joke in the InfoSec community. PHP developers are pretty much the easiest punching bag in the InfoSec community. Matt: And everywhere else. Snipe: In fact, I think just yesterday, I submitted an eye-rolling gift in relation to someone at InfoSec, bagging on PHP developers. I get it. When the language first came out, it was really easy to learn. You didn't need to have any knowledge of programming, or discipline, or best practices. There were no best practices for quite some time in PHP. I totally get that. The thing is that that's not really the world that we live in anymore. It's actually hard to write a PHP application without using a framework these days. Because the frameworks are so much better and it's so much faster, that for me, I'm pretty sure I could still write a PHP application without a framework, but why the hell would? If I ever have to write another gddmn login auth routine, I'll kill myself. I will actually kill myself. Comparing InfoSec to PHP or Laravel is like comparing apples to orangutans. They're entirely different animals and there is a little bit of overlap, but typically not. In general, PHP has a bad reputation in InfoSec. In fact, I will tell you a very brief story about how I got into InfoSec. This one's always a fun one. I used to run a nonprofit organization when I moved to California the first time. It was basically like Megan's Law for animal abusers. Criminal animal abuse. I would pull in data, break it down statistically based on a couple of different pointers like domestic violence connection, blah blah blah blah blah, and basically run statistics on that stuff. This was going back a very, very long time when nobody really knew or gave a crap at all about AppSec. At one point, my website got hacked. The organization's website got hacked. I am literally on my way to speak at a conference in Florida, an animal welfare conference. I'm checking in. I'm like, "Hi, I'm Alison Gionatto. I'm a speaker." She goes, "You're petabuse.com. That's great. I'm so sorry to hear about what happened." I'm like, "I've been on a plane for a couple of hours." I'm like, "Wait, what?" [chuckles] I run to my hotel room, and somebody has defaced the website with an animated GIF, and a song playing in the background which was basically a clip from Meetspin, and they linked to Meatspin. If any of your listeners don't know what Meatspin is- Matt: I don't. Snipe: -please do not Google that. You can google it, but have safe search on. Matt: Is it like Goatse kind of stuff? Snipe: Yes. "You spin me right round, baby, right round" playing in the background on autoloop. To this day, when I hear that song, I shiver a little bit. Matt: Trigger, yes. Snipe: Exactly. I ended up actually talking to this guy who thought that we were a much bigger organization than we were. He was trying to extort money, of course. I was like, "Dude, you have you have no idea. We get like $800 in donations every month. You are barking up the wrong tree." He's like, "I thought you were bigger. I'm sorry, but it is what it is." I toyed with him long enough to figure out what he had done. The thing is, this is on a Cobalt RaQ server. First of all, we're going back. Second of all, those are not exactly going for their security, but it was what I could afford. Honestly, it's what I could afford. I figured it out, I locked him out. I did leave him one final kind of F you text. [laughter] Snipe: Just so that he knew. That was how I got into this in the first place was basically a horrific, horrific internet meme and the defacement of my organization's website. Again, this is 2004, 2005. Application security became really important to me, and that's why I'm here. [chuckles] That's why I go to DEF CON. That's why I speak about application security and security in general. To get back to your original question, there isn't really an overlap. There is this disdainful relationship, for the most part, coming from both directions because InfoSec people don't typically treat programmers in general very well, but especially not PHP developers. PHP developers are tired of getting shit on, and so they don't necessarily treat-- It becomes a bit of a self-fulfilling-- Matt: Impostor, yes. Exactly. Snipe: Honestly, it's all just a bunch of dumbass egos and it's stupid. If we would just talk to each other a little bit more, we'd probably be a little better off. Matt: Come on, somebody. You'll be surprised to hear that I could talk about InfoSec and PHP for an hour, but we're out of time. I don't know if I'm going to have you back sometime or I don't know what, but this's been amazing. I really appreciate you spending some time with me. Before we cut off for the day and I cry because of all the topics I'm not going to cover, is there anything you wanted to talk about? Anything you want to plug, anything you want to cover, anything you want to say to the people that we haven't got to cover today? Snipe: Nothing that really comes to mind. I am still really passionate about AppSec. If you're using a framework and you're not utilizing all of the security stuff that's built in already, specifically Laravel is really good with that. I've had write some Middleware to add some additional CSP headers and things like that. If you're already paying the price, the overhead of using a framework, then freaking use it. Actually use all of the bits that are good, not just the bits that you don't feel like writing. Laravel makes it really hard to avoid the CSRF tokens. You'll actually have to go out of your way to disable those. I like that about Laravel. I like that it's opinionated. I like that it doesn't want you to screw this up. That said, any developer left to their own devices sufficiently motivated will still screw it up. Matt: Will screw something up, yes. Snipe: Yes, Exactly. Frameworks like Laravel, I think once that are headed in the right direction, so your default login already uses bcrypt to hash the password. You would, again, have to go out of your way to write something that would store something in cleartext or MD5. I think it's a step in the right direction. Use your frameworks, learn what their built-in security functionality is, and use them. Matt: Use it. [laughs] Snipe: One of the packages I'm actually writing for Laravel right now is an XSS package which will basically walk through your schema, and will try and inject rows of XSS stuff in there so that when you reload the app and if you got to any kind of functional testing or acceptance testing setup, you'll be able to see very quickly what you've forgotten to escape. Matt: I love it. Snipe: For a normal Laravel app, that's actually hard to do because the double braces will escape everything. For example, if you're using data from an API, maybe you're not cleaning it as well or whatever. That's one of the packages that I actually am working on. Matt: That's great. Also, if you're using JavaScript, it's really common for people to not escape it, and so that all of a sudden, they forget to clean it. Snipe: Exactly. I wanted one quick way to basically just check and see how boned I was. That'll be fun. Matt: Yes. Does it have a name yet that we can watch for or would you just link it once you have it? Snipe: Well, the only name-- You know how the mocking data packages called Faker? You can imagine what I'm considering calling this that I probably won't call it? [laughs] Matt: Probably won't, but now we can all remember it that way? Yes. Snipe: No promises. Absolutely no promises is all I'm saying. [laughs] Matt: Assuming it's safe for work, I will link the name in the show notes later. If not, you could just go-- [crosstalk] [laughter] Snipe: Again, no promises. Matt: I like it. Okay. You all have taken enough drinks, so I won't say my usual ending for you to drink too. Snipe, Alison, thank you so much. Thank you for the ways you have spoken up for a lot of things that really matter both in this call and our community as a whole. Thank you for hopefully helping me but also our entire community get better going forward, but also the things you brought to us in the past in terms of application security. I don't know why I didn't say this earlier, but Mr. Rogers is maybe one of my top heroes of all time. That was what was going through my mind when you were talking about running your company. Thank you for being that force both for running companies that way and taking care of people, and then, of course, by proxy for just the people who you're working with. The more people that are out there doing that, I think the better it is for all of us. This has been ridiculously fun. If anyone wants to follow you on Twitter, what's your Twitter handle and what are other things they should check out? That URL for Snipe-IT? I will put all of these in the show notes, but I just wanted you to get a chance to say them all at the end. Snipe: My Twitter handle is @snipeyhead, because @snipe was taken. I'm still pissed at that guy. [laughter] Snipe: The URL for Snipe-IT is snipeitapp.com. Not very creative. All of our issues are on GitHub. Your pool of requests are welcome. [laughter] Snipe: As always. Matt: Nice. Snipe: It is free. If it helps you solve some of your problems at your organization, we would love for you to try it out. If you'd like to give us money, that's awesome too. Ultimately, the more people who are using it, the better. Matt: Nice. Okay. Well, thank you so much for your time. Everyone, check out the show notes as always. We'll see you again in a couple of weeks with a special episode. I'll tell you more what it is when that one happens. See you. Snipe: [chuckles] Thank you so much, Matt.

Dave and Chuck the Freak talk about a homeless woman in trouble for flashing the cops the “GOATSE,” a man scammed during an online pet monkey purchase attempt, Doctor Pimple Popper is getting her own TV show, Mama June was in a Marilyn Monroe themed photo shoot, a drunk guy that took a $1600 Uber ride, adults now smashing cakes like toddlers on their birthdays, straight guys that watch gay porn, a woman that tried to kill her doppelganger with a poison cheesecake, the worst thing to have happened to your ass, a Canadian military exercise accident that dropped equipment through a woman's roof, Amazon bought an item “Shark Tank” turned down for a billion dollars, and more!

This week the Fellas discuss health care craic, funeral riot, the aul Olympics, Boston Dynamics, gun control and the fall of Stormont ''Boner for Columbine''

Jared's drain the whiskey party, net neutrality, Cryptocurrency investing for the One Nacho listener, Goatse on canvas, and hardware store parking lot etiquette.

When the inhabitants of DS9 come down with a case of flop-sweat aphasia, O'Brien has to be thinking that the sexy part comes next. But when the word salad is followed by a deadly main course, Kira turns to kidnapping as a last resort. Does the Federation have enough people to fix DS9? Is it possible to hug the sick out of someone? Can Odo turn himself into cat litter? It's the episode that does not enjoy a gentle touch.

Prince BOBBY Albert ANTHEM. Soon to be KING BOBBY of the lizard dick people who took over the planet of Sluropothy when Yuk Nassty left, Bobby digs quarries with his BBC. Bobby actually carved out the Grand Canyon with his BBC. His BBC is about to have it's own channel on the BBC. Scientists think that Bobby's BBC might actually be an extinct dinosaur named the BBC-asaurous. We finally found out why Bobby cut out his eyeball. He could not piss in a straight line, thanks to Prince Albert that prick, so he had to make adjustments, with a spoon PLUS, Marty Jannetty and his daughter that he can bang now, Bobby's BBC, Uncle Todd without the tit nose, and some other stuttering retards showed up for Dumbass Feud! Follow Bobby - http://twitter.com/BobbyAnthem No one does it like US 2 fuckers, thank fucking god... Get Er Dumb with US LIVE every Wednesday night at 9 pm et / 6pm pt ONLY AT http://DaCorner.live and http://youtube.com/getindacorner soundcloud http://soundcloud.com/getindacorner spreaker http://bit.ly/gidcspreaker itunes http://bit.ly/gidcp stitcher http://bit.ly/gidcstitcher google play http://bit.ly/gidcandroid youtube http://youtube.com/getindacorner corner music http://facebook.com/getindacorner http://soundcloud.com/yuknassty http://instagram.com/yuknassty http://twitter.com/YukNassty_ http://twitter.com/DoggaBaby http://twitter.com/JillHimitsu http://GetInDaCorner.com Dogga Baby goes HOT

Gotta admit, this episode might have gotten away from us a little bit. You've been warned, as Patrick, Austin, Rob, and Danielle have a long discussion about Goatsegate (don't ask), the surprisingly neat shooter Tormenter X Punisher, our thoughts on the state of independent developers' relationship with E3, and a trip into The Question Bucket to discuss best writing practices. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

SecureAuth aims to protect mobile users, Palo Alto Networks automates cloud security deployment on AWS, the cybersecurity skills shortage (and what you can do about it), and more. Our topic for this week is defending against attackers and pen testers. Stay tuned!

SecureAuth aims to protect mobile users, Palo Alto Networks automates cloud security deployment on AWS, the cybersecurity skills shortage (and what you can do about it), and more. Our topic for this week is defending against attackers and pen testers. Stay tuned!

- Joey celebrates his birthday and the "status" of being part of Wrestling Soup - Sheet cake more like shit cake amirite? -  Listeners around the world. - A word for the people that believe podcasting is just a hobby. - A special cooking show - Goldenpuss was a great movie. - Kimbo and Ali - Got that Ramen noodle flavor packet - Rodney drops the top 5 reasons how most black men die. - Magic Johnsons deal with the devil. - Girl finger blasts herself in school to teach masturbation - The teacher busted for sexing the 13 year old slow child. - Mish recalls his "adventures" with an older woman. - Rodneys 2 pumps. - Moss Man sucks. - Sexy Wrestling Buddies. - Goatse or Moonwalker - Joey and Mish's "FB lists" - Some weird people on facebook into animal crucifixion. - Misplaced aggression by activists and Brock. - Making examples in the law - Why dont we swear on an Applbees menu instead of a bible ? - Nia Jax really coming up in NXT - Covering NXT Takeover THE END - GoT vs RAW - What is a ONEY LORCAN - ONEY LORCANS entrance music - Prince Balor concerns - Cena making Styles look like an ass - Brock Lesnars UFC PPV - UFC caveats. - PAETRON SHOUTOUTS EMAIL: wrestlingsoup.com@gmail.com LEAVE A VOICEMAIL ON wrestlingsoup.com SHOW #: (815)345-4756 TWITTER: @wrestlingsoup DONATE ON PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/wrestlingsoup SUBSCRIBE TO WRESTLING SOUP: iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/wrestling-soup/id463290655?mt=2 Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=22881&refid=stpr Spreaker: https://www.spreaker.com/user/wrestlingsoup blubrry: https://www.blubrry.com/wrestling_soup GOOGLE: https://goo.gl/0NnW4M FOLLOW: Wrestling Soup: https://twitter.com/WrestlingSoup Joey Numbas: https://twitter.com/joenumbas and visit the website: http://wrestlingsoup.com

DROWNING IN RAPE, LIGHTNING VICTIMS, APOCALYPSE RULES, WHEN TO HELP OTHERS, LIARS, ROTARY PHONE, DOG CAGE CHRISTMAS, PISS N SHIT, POPE, MAYOR NUTTER, DONALD TRUMP, DAVE?, CHURCH N STATE, BAMBOOZLED, INDIANS, RUSSIA, COLD WAR, EXPORTING RAYMOND, FINGERPRINTS OF THE GODS, GOATSE, SMALL TALK, SAY SOMETHING MEAN

This week Kane and Rett talk about getting goats, they talk about Kane’s chickens and their personalities. Then they say hi to their CIA friends listening in on their conversation. They retouch on the Shit-nami that will crush Kane’s house. Then they talk about Stanley Kubrick and the way films used to be made, versus … Continue reading "DUEL OF TAINTS EPISODE 61: GOATSE"

Dave and Chuck talk about a local person bringing attention to Hamtramck potholes by planting flowers in them, a teacher who rewarded students for god work by letting them watch “Fifty Shades of Grey”, an electronic billboard hacked with a GOATSE image, Mamma June dancing at a strip club, a guy offering a virgin deflowering service, guys getting boner scammed, and more!

What lies beyond the disruption horizon? Mike and Jessie discuss the land beyond what happens when you disrupt something so badly that it becomes distended. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/lets-make-mistakes/message

Spookiness is in the air. It must be Halloween Week! Topics include: Jeff's weird Halloween, fall time, the latest Smash Bros news, Mario Kart 8 DLC, people spells, crappy governors, Geoff Keighley, and more!

This week we reunite with an old friend Mr. Alex Roy. Alex and Blake are both fresh back from Pebble Beach where they experience all manner of automotive obscura. Blake regales us with his story of riding his Moto Guzzi to Pebble while pailing in comparison to the epic journeys of George Egloff. Alex shares his experience with Jerry Wiegert of Vector fame. Blake reviews the A3, CLA and Alfa 4C we discuss the merits of Chris Bangle's BMW designs, abysmal Viper sales, Ferrari's GT cars and of course Alex's Morgan 3 Wheeler.

This week we reunite with an old friend Mr. Alex Roy. Alex and Blake are both fresh back from Pebble Beach where they experience all manner of automotive obscura. Blake regales us with his story of riding his Moto Guzzi to Pebble while pailing in comparison to the epic journeys of George Egloff. Alex shares his experience with Jerry Wiegert of Vector fame. Blake reviews the A3, CLA and Alfa 4C we discuss the merits of Chris Bangle's BMW designs, abysmal Viper sales, Ferrari's GT cars and of course Alex's Morgan 3 Wheeler. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/hooniverse/support

Sidney and Corey are joined by Chris Gayomali, staff writer at Fast Company, to discuss the social norms of the Internets, the deep underbelly of chaos in the days of AOL, and how we may have a culture shift in how we socialize today. Remember, watch Drumline and take a shot every time Nick Cannon plays the drums.

   Baby Bane introduces another great episode while Chris and Nikki discuss Pacific Rim, Chris educates on the proper usage of the phrase "Die Hard," we receive The Simpsons cereal from Europe, is Springfield purgatory?, The Columbia Records scam, Bart predates Goatse, ASL that you don't want to know, cartoon inebriation, Nikki's trip to the strip club, Rule 34 of the fax machine, random Futurama jokes, Barn(j)ey's dingy flophouse, a tour of Springfield's strip clubs, NOT Occam's Razor, NOT Roger Moore's law, Ochogato, the moral of the story, it's tough to be Smithers, fake names in the credits, America's next top BBC show, Chris has a mini-rage moment, and we discuss our dream cast for The Grapes of Wrath remake for some reason.

Kole, Ben, Dennis, and David talk about the announcements made at E3. Microsoft: Xbox One, out November 2013, $499 Microsoft Points are out. Twitch streaming in Xbox One Xbox 360 redesign, same price. 2 free games for Xbox Live Gold Subscribers MGS5 coming out for PS4 Ryse Sunset Overdrive (Insomniac) Killer Instinct D4 (from Deadly Premonition dev, likely related to D) Crimson Dragon Dead Rising 3 exclusive The Witcher 3 "Below" by Capy Titanfall Halo in 2014 Summer of Arcade Electronic Arts Plants vs Zombies: Garden Warfare New Star Wars Battlefront from DICE Dragon Age: Inquisition coming 2014 Mirror's Edge reboot Ubisoft The Crew Trials Fusion and Trials Frontier The Division Sony Price point: $399 No DRM, no online requirement PS+ Membership will carry over to PS4 PS Plus paywall for online play Cloud Gaming - PS3 on PS4 and PS Vita Smaller devs are flocking to Vita. The Walking Dead 400 Days Rain Beyond: Two Souls coming out October 8 Batman: Arkham Origins Hardware design revealed The Order 1886 Killzone Shadowfall Infamous: Second Son The Dark Sorceror Transistor Don't Starve Outlast Oddworld: Abe's Oddysee remake Final Fantasy Versus... Now it's Final Fantasy XV Kingdom Hearts 3 Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag (Ugh) Watch_Dogs Elder Scrolls Online (Spring 2014) Mad Max for some reason? Destiny Random Games Peggle 2 South Park: The Stick of Truth out this holiday

Emission spéciale St Valentin. On y parle donc d'amour. Parce que l'amour, c'est bien. Qu'être seul, c'est pas cool. Que nous, on en rigole. Qu'on a mangé du cheval. Qu'on croque Huile. Et même qu'on est sages, audibles (dans la limite du respectable) et propres. Bref, amour avec toute une émission pour fêter l'amour avec un grand A et un gros Q. Dans la finesse, donc. Planquez les gosses, vite vite. Les liens du web : Goatse change de peau du cul : http://goatse.cx/ Un poème de Saint-Valentin : http://youtu.be/LDWJn3IwiaM Adam et Eve, round 1 : http://youtu.be/liLU2tEz7KY Ass-duff-moo-vee : http://youtu.be/hrzIykdka4s TPBAFK : http://youtu.be/eTOKXCEwo_8 A la semaine prochaine, bande de p'tits fripons !

Emission spéciale St Valentin. On y parle donc d'amour. Parce que l'amour, c'est bien. Qu'être seul, c'est pas cool. Que nous, on en rigole. Qu'on a mangé du cheval. Qu'on croque Huile. Et même qu'on est sages, audibles (dans la limite du respectable) et propres. Bref, amour avec toute une émission pour fêter l'amour avec un grand A et un gros Q. Dans la finesse, donc. Planquez les gosses, vite vite. Les liens du web : Goatse change de peau du cul : http://goatse.cx/ Un poème de Saint-Valentin : http://youtu.be/LDWJn3IwiaM Adam et Eve, round 1 : http://youtu.be/liLU2tEz7KY Ass-duff-moo-vee : http://youtu.be/hrzIykdka4s TPBAFK : http://youtu.be/eTOKXCEwo_8 A la semaine prochaine, bande de p'tits fripons !

Time for Cocktail Time...LIVE! This week Joseph Christ and Bob Webb are joined by Nick Henderson for a discussion of brewing, beer samples, Afraid of Monsters, the awfulness that is Jeremiah Weed Malt Drinks, RTX and 4Player's experience with Halo 4, Slenderman and what would make an even better scary monster, and Pornographic Highlights magazine! Live Show: Audio:Download [podcast]http://4playerpodcast.com/podcasts/cocktailtime/CTTLIVE-9.mp3[/podcast] Follow Joseph Christ on Twitter.

All Over The Map... If you'll just let me finish this synopsis... The guys empty out their heads before they get on the road for a week (except for Coolness..we're making him stay home and mind the store).  Join in on the fun as they discuss Kyle's never-ending birthday celebration, S&M, being too smart for "the game", tracking down Goatse, and more. It's waiting for you, and it's all wrapped up in a big ribbon of love...

Sean was out sick on this edition of the Livecast, so Noa brought her friend and collegue from Sirius XM, Monica over. Also, Andrew WK calls in early in the show to talk to the gang for a while. We spent some time talking about the pedophile scandal from Penn State and then that morphed into ranking Goatse, Tubgirl, Lemon Party and Meat Spin from most to least disgusting. Here is this week's playlist: Andrew WK – Go Go Go Go GWAR – Sick Of You Amon Amarth – Runes to My Memory Hull – A Light That Shone Nachtmystium – High On Hate Power Pellut – Pencil Break Make sure to follow the Livecast on Twitter, Facebook and Youtube.

This week's PixlTalk, we tried a little something different. Chessa's good friend, and new Contributing Writer, Sam Wakefield, has joined both Chessa and Nick for a Silent Hill inspired episode. The first segment proceeds as usual with discussion on what everyone has been playing. Sam is on a last gen kick, Chessa's kick flipping on the Tony Hawk Ride board, and Nick is still obsessing over Assassin's Creed 2, but manages to mention Madden NFL Arcade. In the second segment we discuss Silent Hill at large. Each member of the podcast talks about their history, likes, and dislikes of the series. Sam being the resident expert explains the story, characters, as well as some of what to expect in the upcoming title. Shattered Memories. Of course, the end of the podcast somewhat devolves into ridiculousness, but it's all in good fun. Download Here Subscribe to Our Feed! Edited by Nick DiMola Music by Andy McKee

This week's PixlTalk, we tried a little something different. Chessa's good friend, and new Contributing Writer, Sam Wakefield, has joined both Chessa and Nick for a Silent Hill inspired episode. The first segment proceeds as usual with discussion on what everyone has been playing. Sam is on a last gen kick, Chessa's kick flipping on the Tony Hawk Ride board, and Nick is still obsessing over Assassin's Creed 2, but manages to mention Madden NFL Arcade. In the second segment we discuss Silent Hill at large. Each member of the podcast talks about their history, likes, and dislikes of the series. Sam being the resident expert explains the story, characters, as well as some of what to expect in the upcoming title. Shattered Memories. Of course, the end of the podcast somewhat devolves into ridiculousness, but it's all in good fun. Download Here Subscribe to Our Feed! Edited by Nick DiMola Music by Andy McKee