Podcasts about when i'm

Struggling to start? ADHD brains easily feel overwhelmed by big projects and too many options. When I'm feeling stuck, here's what I do to calm the chaos, overcome fear, and break down big projects: I do one action. That's it. Just one. Join me for a pep talk on baby steps, because YOU can do one thing, too! Find the info & items mentioned in my podcast here: https://www.patriciasung.com/show-notes I also put together a free list of my favorite resources for ADHD mamas; snag that there, too.

I don't like carp herpeeeeeeees. Do you have Herpes? Don't be Koi. Panini Mackaneenee. Aging Celebrity Ghouls. Bathroom Attendant Hands You A Towel After Grabbing Your Crotch. Elliot Gould. He has the meats. And the lowest interest rates. Stinks like Space Juggalos. List of 4 Things: Raspberry, Rum, Crocs, and a Candle? Wake Me up When I'm the Piano Man. Crappy Beef on Bread. they can'™t search for porn on my watch. Is that your perfume or are we just in space? Gnarly Bush Brows. How Are You In The Hair Department These Days? You can't handle the tooth! Justin and Bill and more on this episode of The Morning Stream.

I don't like carp herpeeeeeeees. Do you have Herpes? Don't be Koi. Panini Mackaneenee. Aging Celebrity Ghouls. Bathroom Attendant Hands You A Towel After Grabbing Your Crotch. Elliot Gould. He has the meats. And the lowest interest rates. Stinks like Space Juggalos. List of 4 Things: Raspberry, Rum, Crocs, and a Candle? Wake Me up When I'm the Piano Man. Crappy Beef on Bread. they can'™t search for porn on my watch. Is that your perfume or are we just in space? Gnarly Bush Brows. How Are You In The Hair Department These Days? You can't handle the tooth! Justin and Bill and more on this episode of The Morning Stream.

More Cleo! Lots of Hobbitses! A giant shark, a killer dress, dinosaurs, Calvinism vs. LA porn, and other odds and ends. Plus a surprise appearance from Leonard Nimoy. Is this the final NFH episode? When I'm in charge you never can tell.

If the right way is not my nervous system’s way in this moment then I’m going to override what my nervous system is telling me and I’m going to suffer both physically -- physical injury -- but my psychology also suffers because I’ve now disconnected and thought what my system is telling me is not okay.My work was always with complex trauma survivors and so isn’t that what they bring? They’ve been told that what's happening in here either really isn’t happening, because what you see out here is not going on, or what’s happening in here is not okay, you need to disavow it. -- Deb DanaI'm always amazed at how synchronistic life is. When I'm feeling anxious, pushing, worrying that I haven't done something in the "right" time, I'm rewarded by relaxing and simply being present with what is. That's how this interview manifested. Talking with Deb Dana couldn't be better timed although for a long time I'd wished we'd have gotten to it sooner.After listening to the interview again, I'm confident that it will be eye-opening, insightful, infinitely informative, and transformative for the way you relate not only to your teaching but all that's happening in the world -- your personal and professional spheres and in your relationships to the larger world.If you are interested in finding something that will support you in attending to all that the world is beggin you to attend to, but more importantly, what your own nervous system is asking you to contend with, this will go a long way to do that.And, as always, we're funny and thoughtful and it's just a damn good conversation. ;)Listen. Really listen. Take it in. Notice where it applies to you and your life. Smile. Rewind. Smile some more. Pass it on.More About Deb DanaMy passion for Polyvagal Theory guides my work, my writing, and my teaching. Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, offers a way to understand the human autonomic nervous system and directly engage with habitual patterns of response. Through a polyvagal lens we can learn to listen to our embodied stories. Using a polyvagal perspective, we can let go of self criticism and bring an open heart to exploring our daily experience. Out of Stephen Porges's brilliant work developing Polyvagal Theory, a world-wide community of Polyvagal-informed people and systems is developing as we better understand the power of the autonomic nervous system to guide our movements and shape our stories. My work as a clinician, consultant, andlecturer is focused on using the lens of Polyvagal Theory to understand and resolve the impact of trauma and create ways of working that honor the role of the autonomic nervous system as we move through states of protection and connection in an ongoing quest for safety. Deb Dana's website: RhythmofregulationLearn more about her books: Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and ConnectionThe Polyvagal Theory in TherapyClinical Applications of the Polyvagal TheoryPolyvagal Flip ChartLearn more about workshops and opportunities.Connect with UsChantill - chantill@skillfulteaching.com + (707) 738-7951Debora - dkolwey@gmail.com James - j.crader@evolvedbodystudio.comEmail us at thinkingpilatespodcast@gmail.com or use the form below.Like us on Facebook at The Thinking Pilates PodcastLeave us a review on iTunes.What We're Up ToChantillThe Science + Psychology of Teaching Master's Program! Learn more about the programJoin our Facebook group: Bold, Brave + Boredom-free Teaching RoadmapLots of Online curriculum right now!The 28-Day Course - Writing For Resilience, Safety + Positive Change - Starts July 19thObservation Empathy and Intuition in Teaching - Zoom Workshop, Friday, June 26th 11 am - 1 pm PSTEnter the Vagus (12-hours of video, audio, reading, discussion, exercises and more) Name Your Own PriceJamesCheck out James' new website - JamesCrader.comLearn more about SOSOur Episode SponsorMomentum FestZoom Live Event: June 26-28Momentum Fest™ is a three day Pilates and movement celebration that will now be held virtually and be no less wonderful.A note from MFWe are excited to be able to bring Momentum Fest to you in 2020! Our Virtual Experience will be held June 26-28, 2020, and will include our amazing line up of 2020 presenters, vendors and sponsors, as well as some surprise guest presenters from previous years!momentumfest.comThe Science + Psychology of Teaching Master's ProgramExplore A Whole New Universe of Teaching (Enroll now with a customized start date and project cohort)Dive in to critical areas of teaching NEVER before directly addressed in a full-length certification program: brain science + education, humanistic psychology, motivation science, Polyvagal Theory + more.FINALLY! Bring Something BIG to LifeAs a project-based program we’ll help you create the curriculum, workshop or research project you’ve been dreaming of; take the larger stage, make a bigger impact + experience a more rewarding and lucrative career. This is not just another teacher training!Intimate, Interactive, Challenging + RewardingThe Master’s Program is a HIGHLY INTERACTIVE process of learning + implementation that supports you every step of the way to immediately integrate what you learn. Get 1:1 coaching, LIVE group discussions, daily feedback and guidance + fantastic LIVE EVENT in California! Learn more HERE about the program. Join the conversation on Facebook by joining the Bold, Brave + Boredom-free Teaching Roadmap. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

  Marina Ahun's website: https://www.marinaahun.com/ Stanislas Berteloot Hello, Marina Ahun or Ahun-Babaeva, Welcome to back in America.Marina Ahun Thank you.Stanislas Berteloot Marina, you are an artist and I would like you to tell me about your art. How would you describe your art styleMarina Ahun I have different art styles different. I move back and forth between two styles: realistic presentation of subject matter and abstract, and between two mediums.When I'm looking for urban street scenes that will become a realistic painting, I use watercolor. When I do abstract painting, I use oil. And I have no idea what the painting is going to look like when things the painting dictates its own source. The process complements one another beautifully and pure attraction, strengthen what I'm able to do when I'm painting I realistically.Stanislas Berteloot before being an artist, you began your carrier as an archaeology core artist. Talk to me about some of the projects you worked on at the time.Marina Ahun I draw all things archeological found in the ground, coins, sculptures terracotta, or whatever when they foundStanislas Berteloot and where were you working at the time?Marina That time I lived in Uzbekistan and married a native Uzbek.Uzbekistan is in Muslim countryand in 13 years I was in Uzbekistan I never felt welcomed. The attitude toward Russians who is almost all white people blue eyes in Soviet block Country after collapse where uncertain especially in Muslim oneStanislas Berteloot let's go back to your walk at the time. You were an archaeological artist. You told us that you were drawing artifacts that were found. Where? Where did they come from those objectsMarina from the ground in Uzbekistan is especially in Samarkand. They have real big archeologist objects, and years they working to find these big cities and just work on that.Stanislas Berteloot Okay. Did you like your work at the time?Marina Actually I drew, and I like what I did, and I see the result. And that result was published in a few books.Stanislas Berteloot You were born in the Ural Mountains of Russia. Tell me about your memories at the time. You know, when were you born? What can you remember from that early time of your life?Marina Oh I was happy as any child, around family a happy family. And I remember at the same time, I attended to middle school, music school to study play piano, art school, and study.my choice was art, but my sister's choice was to play the piano.Stanislas Berteloot So What year were you born?Marina 1962.Stanislas Berteloot How old were you when you move to study in St Petersburg? And how did it feel moving from, you know, your birth city to this big city in Russia?Marina After graduating high school, I immediately went to St. Petersburg, and six years I spent at the Repin Institute was hard but the rewarding that Institut current name is Imperial Academy of Fine Arts. And I was either very lucky or very talented to have gotten into one of the top art schools in Europe. From what I have seen, American art education is not as difficult because they don't emphasize the importance of basic education in the artistic style. This point between I think is important and after study, realistic discipline, you can move to any other style easily.Stanislas Berteloot but I'm also interested in your impression of the city and the life That you lived in St. Petersburg, you know, coming from the montane of this industrial city and arriving in St. Petersburg. How did it feel?Marina St. Petersburg is that big, big city and very, very beautiful. And every American who went there say how beautiful it is. And I was impressed. And when I felt like, not comfortable or something was going on right, we just went to the streets, just walk around the buildings, enjoy it and all my uncomfortable feelings went away.Stanislas Berteloot Were you living with other students at the time?Marina Yes, of course.Stanislas Berteloot Yeah. So was it a fun period of your life? Oh I think that time affects me in the best way as you can imagine, and built my character or they have totell me some of the best memory that you have from that time in St. Petersburg.MarinaOh, howMarina it's to deal with help from other students and from professors and they are still at high educated and they teach us each You know, brushstroke each pencil mark and but it's was a feeling realistically presentation all subject matter and we have to study hard.Stanislas Berteloot But that was some of your best memory the help that you got from your fellow students and your professors.Yeah.Okay, I see you smile on camera and I can imagine that it was a fantastic time of your life. So, despite all that, life was tough for you in Russia and you decided to move to the US in 2002. Can you give me some of the reason why you decided to move to the USMarina Oh! Reason one was the collapse of the Soviet Union because living in Uzbekistan in a Muslim country here under Muslim rule, rules both as a woman and as an artist, it was really hard and difficult to everyone.Stanislas Berteloot So you arrived in the US you apply for political asylum because of religious discrimination? That's correct, right?Marina Yes, correct.My family and my husband right now it's my ex-husband and my daughter came to the United State and relief in the form ofStanislas Berteloot what are some of the things that struck you when you arrived in the US? What are some of the details you remember of your first impression stepping in the US?Marina Oh, freedom. When I first came to America, I lived in a Russian neighborhood in Trenton because I had a friend in the group who had a friend who knew someone here. It was just the way it worked out, because I didn't know anyone here.Stanislas Berteloot Did you speak English when you arrived?Marina Oh, that time my English was really poor.Stanislas Berteloot So you say that one of the first feelings you had arriving in the US was freedom. But what are some of the visual images? You remember from that time? You know what are some of the things you saw? That was like very surprising to you?Marina Start with freedom some, my friends have picked me up from the airport and I just took around and was just impressed. She was something I never experienced in the Soviet Union. And in Uzbekistan, it's completely different architecture and completely different how people walk, how people talk, and how the are between each other. Everything is completely differentIt's a different playing ground.Stanislas Berteloot Yeah, of course, of course. How did you manage to make a living at the time? Were you supported by a government program by nonprofit Russian groups, you know, well, how did you liveMarina Actually. I camein and have just a tourist visa. And after that, I applied for a work permit and green card. And in order to survive financially, I started teaching droid to private student, and almost all my student was Russian.Stanislas Berteloot So in 2010, you became the only licensed and commissioned artist by Princeton University. What does that really mean? And how did it help you in your work?Marina That time it's mean a lot. Um, I was unknown artist andoveral thinking thatmy art is not perfect. But when I came to the Communication Office of Princeton University they immediately commissioned me to paint more and more and later on, they produce calendar official Princeton University calendar for 18 months and bought my 18 drawings.Stanislas Berteloot So that really helps you to be more known in the Princeton area more recognized as an artist rightMarina right, rightthat time I drew, just architectural renderings and some using watercolor draw flowers, portraits who is asking for having a portrait of themselves. And the time I didn't start any abstract paintings,Stanislas Berteloot and are you still doing this kind of realistic paintings or are you more focused on abstract painting nowadays?Marina Actually. I love realistic paintings. And I think it's the most beautiful painting which one can exactly produce what you see around in our nature for flowers and everything is so beautiful and just realistically representation can show you how they are.Stanislas Berteloot So then your life took a different turn in 2017 in the dead of winter in December, your apartment burned down and you lost everything. You have no insurance at the time, and I believe your daughter takes you with herIs that right?Marina Yeah.Oh it was a really difficult time and it was December 27 2017 end of the year and before the new year and cold cold weather and all my apartment was destroyed and most affected by that fire. And with the most affected 4 of 24 units in that building and one off that four units, it was mine and I had no insurance. I sustained the majority of the fireand fire Fighter damageand all my...It's difficult to talk about this because I still didn't get a reimbursement andI understand that having no insurance, renter's insurance, it's a real. bad choice and I can tell seven, just seven of 23 surviving tenants had renter's insurance. And it's not just me who had decided to live in a unite without renterIn unitedo not have any insurance. Oh, so soStanislas Berteloot yeah. How has your life been since thenMarina I'm still facing thehuge task of rebuilding my life and thinking God must really have a fantastic plan for me to put me through this terrible process. And I hopeone day I will not have a tear on my eyes when I talk about this and it's gonna be just memory bad my memory about just my memory. It's breaks my heart to think that this had all been a disaster without any reason. I tried to find why it's happened exactly to me. But I don't answerStanislas Berteloot your religious person.Marina Yes, I do believe in God. Yes. And I pray God, yes, I do believe in God.And I hopeall the religionsgive you some hope. And that hope canrebuild your life, at least hope.Stanislas Berteloot Why is your daughter not able to sustain you? To help you financially?Marina Because she's my daughter,Stanislas Berteloot and you don't want to depend I knowMarina we help each other I do somethings. She did some somethings. I care about, the preparing of the food and clean everything and see offer me some support with food.Stanislas Berteloot We are living in difficult times and this summer you were planning to teach at Mercer Community College. But the summer camp where you were to teach has been canceled. How did that affect you?MarinaOh yeahMarina all Coronavirus things and what happened with that COVID-19 affect everyone and that exactly how lost the job. Which one I think it's gonna help me survive.Stanislas Berteloot So what did you do when you learn that the job was canceled?Marina pray Godthis Coronavirus disappears.Stanislas Berteloot How did you manage to just survive day to day without any revenue?Marina I still work on my art and producing architectural renderings of Princeton University campus on Princeton. University Board bought my 18 drawings right now I produced 10 more drawings and start a new series of Gargoyles and of the Tiger of Princeton University. And I like how it's coming out. And I made postcards and I'm selling these cards through the Labirynth bookstore and Princeton University art museums tour, and they and I sold and still selling my drawing. So it gave me some sort of money. I just want to say how grateful I am that Share My Meals has been created assistance for people like me, who are in need. By providing food resourcesStanislas Berteloot so three times a week you receive a prepared meal delivered by one of the volunteersMarina Yes, I received three times a week prepared food and I'm grateful to Share My Meals, people, for the amazing supportStanislas Berteloot The rest of the time, where do you get your food from?Marina I got food from Arm in Arm and Jewish center Family Center and I participate to Corner Kitchenin a United Methodist Church,Stanislas Berteloot so given the situation and given all the hardship that you are going through, do you see sometimes regret leaving your mother country.Marina Oh, no.No, I wasreally happy to be born in the Soviet Union. And that time in the Soviet Union was a really powerful country and life until the Soviet Union collapse was really good. And I was happy to live there and I'm so glad that I was born there. But after, like 1990s life in the Soviet Union was so bad and still not really comfortable as I know from my friendsStanislas Berteloot Do you have a message that you would like to communicate with people or maybe something that your experience your life experience has taught you so far?Marina I think the most important is that you never know what life will throw at you and everyone can experience a terrible tragedy like a fire or flood and just need to come down and pray God `and I think the lesson which one gave to your lifestyle supposed to be taken and have some study from that plus some and I did.Stanislas Berteloot Okay, thank you. So finally, my, the last question I have, which I've always asked in every single episode of Back in America is, what is America to you?Marina America, for me, is a good country.And I wonder, if the same situation had happened in Russia, what I'm gonna do, and how are you gonna survived? And I think that it's gonna be a worse situation than what I experienced in the United States. And I just want to thanks everyone in the Princeton community for their help and support and God Bless all the people of Princeton.Stanislas Berteloot Marina, thank you so much for accepting to share your story with Back in America. And good luck to you.Marina Thank you, Stan. Thank you. Thank you 

What are the impediments to dismantling systems of injustice? Why are conversations about race so difficult? When I'm held accountable for my 1) racist 2) privileged or 3) non-ally behaviors it's painful and so easy to get defensive. When my identity is challenged it feels threatening and it is difficult to press on. However, when I pan back and take myself out of it, I can see that the person holding me accountable is giving me a tremendous amount of love, grace, and TRUST. Because if I didn't matter to them, they never would have trusted me with this conversation. If they didn't believe that I wanted to do better, they wouldn't have brought the incident to my attention -- they would have written me off. If I can remember that this is about love and trust, it can shift the whole thing. I can process the experience (away from the person who brought it to me) and return to the person to try and repair. We're so unaccustomed to having our core identities challenged or shown to us in unfamiliar light that it feels like more than we can bear. If we remember that this is an act of courage, love, and trust, it can be an amazing opportunity for growth, building our relationship, and healing something that was broken. Reading Resources Ta-Nehisi Coates’ article, The Case for Reparations Van Jones’ article, “Black People ‘Loot’ Food..White People ‘Find’ Food” Books The New Jim Crow, Michelle Alexander Caught, Marie Gottschalk Between the World and Me, Ta-Nehisi Coates White Fragility, Robin DiAngelo Me and White Supremacy, by Layla F. Saad Uprooting Racism, How White People Can Work for Racial Justice, Paul Kivel Shelly Tochluk, Witnessing Whiteness Race and the Conspiracy of Silence: Understanding and Facilitating Difficult Dialogues on Race, Derald Wing Sue So You Want to Talk About Race Ijeoma Oluo Where to give money or time: NAACP Southern Poverty Law Center Dream Defenders Black Youth Project 100 National Bail Fund

Elsie Escobar has been podcasting for more than 13 years. She's an inductee to the Academy of Podcasters Hall of Fame and is a leading woman in the podcast space advocating for independent podcasters.  She’s a rockstar podcast producer & co-host of two shows about podcasting:  The Feed - The Official Libsyn Podcast and She Podcasts, the podcast for women about podcasting and new media from the woman's point of view which has the largest woman only Facebook Group for women podcasters.    Timecodes: 10:13 caring for “your podcast baby” 20:32 Elsie's powerful statement 21:33 Elsie's challenging times in her life around the election and finding the right coach for her. 23:42 “Nobody was going to give me the power, the control, I had to take it. “ 25:28 “having the courage to tell the world how you want them to talk about you.” 2933 an exercise in owning your expertise. It's such a challenge 30:32 “be really honest about your capacity as an expert and your ability to deliver that truth to the world.” 31:45 “If you can't live up to [the label you want] right now, chill, wait, grow into it!” 35:35 “When I'm [speaking up], I'm doing this for them, because they may not have access to the room, to the conversation to the....and if I diminish myself, I"m actually affecting all of them… That keeps me from feeling selfish.” 41:52 “I wrote stuff, but I never said it using my voice. There’s a difference in saying it.“   Helpful Links: Elsie’s Website: http://elsieescobar.com/ She Podcasts: https://www.shepodcasts.com/ Libsyn: Sign up on the 2nd of the Month for 1 Month+ FREE Media Hosting  when you use the code: BRIGHT :https://libsyn.com   Streamyard: Create Professional Live Streams: https://streamyard.com/ Produce your show with Bright Sighted Podcasting: https:// brightsighted.com Follow Christine on Instagram: @TheChristineOD: https://www.instagram.com/thechristineod/

When the dog bites, When the bee stings, When I'm feeling sad... I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad. Gurl, if it is good enough for the Von Trapp Family it is going to work with Brian and Danny, the Boy of Boystown. Join the boys dishing on what brings them to their happy place. Hint: it's botox, but you already knew that.

Season 16 Episode 12 Show 359 Listen here. VISIT OUR SPONSORS: Louisiana Renaissance Festival www.larf.net/ Renaissance Magazine www.renaissancemagazine.com/ The Ren Cruise www.therencruise.com/ SONGS   The Campbells Haste To The Wedding performed by Oakley the Faerie from the album First Sapling www.facebook.com/OakleyTheFaerie/ Eriskay Love Lilt performed by Brian Tinker Leo from the album A Bottle O' The Best - Three Centuries Of Scottish Folksongs www.facebook.com/tinkersings/ Black Is the Color performed by Jesse Linder from the album Crescent Moon www.facebook.com/pg/JesseLinder.Bard Went Sailing (Pirate Love Song) performed by Pirates Inc from the album Fools Gold www.facebook.com/WeArePiratesInc/ Bogie's Bonnie Belle performed by Coeur De Lion from the album Coeur De Lion www.mpetersco.com/CDL/ So Ben Mi Ch'a Bon Tempo performed by Consort of SomeSorte from the album Danse www.myspace.com/theconsorteofsomesorte Toast to Love and Marriage performed by Empty Hats from the album Greatest Hats www.emptyhats.com Tartan Is The Color Of My True Love's Hair performed by Barleyjuice from the album Six Yanks www.barleyjuice.com Pride Of Ireland performed by Celtic Shores from the album Weathering The Storm www.matthughesmusic.com Mary Stewart Queen Of Scotts performed by Celtic Shores from the album Weathering The Storm www.matthughesmusic.com Mary Mack performed by Queen Ann's Lace from the album Unlaced www.QALace.com Lover's Wreck performed by Cheeks and Phoenix from the album Any Requests www.cheeksandphoenix.com/ I Still Remember performed by Blackmore's Night from the album Fires At Midnight www.blackmoresnight.com Mist-Covered Mountains performed by Crimson Pirates from the album Your Day In The Barrel www.crimsonpirates.com/ Love Has Shown The Way performed by Terry Griffith from the album Musings www.facebook.com/terry.l.griffith.1 Married to a Mermaid performed by Dregs from the album Do It Like You're Drunk www.the-dregs.net HOW TO SUPPORT US Ko-fi Tip www.ko-fi.com/renfestpodcast Patreon https://www.patreon.com/RenFestPodcast LINKS The Renaissance Festival Bawdy Show www.renbawdy.com/ Faire Relief 2020 to support the Faire community. https://www.facebook.com/groups/FR2020/ Digital Ren Faire to watch online festivals. https://www.facebook.com/digitalrenfaire/ Pirate Directory for a listing of all things piratical. www.piratedirectory.com/ The Ren List for a listing of all Renaissance Festivals. www.therenlist.com/ HOW TO LISTEN Applewww.podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/renaissance-festival-podcast/id74073024 Spotify https://open.spotify.com/artist/0UcBe1IGWeIQ4y22y3bWgi Pandora https://www.pandora.com/ Podbay www.podbay.fm/show/74073024 HOW TO CONTACT US Post it on Facebook www.facebook.com/pages/Renaissance-Festival-Music/74412537263/ Email us at  renfestpodcast@gmail.com Call or text the castle at  478- castles (227-8537) LYRICS Haste to the Wedding/Rural Felicity Come haste to the wedding ye friends and ye neighbours The lovers their bliss can no longer delay. Forget all your sorrows your cares and your labors, And let every heart beat with rapture today.   Come, come one and all, attend to my call, And revel in pleasures that never can cloy. Come see rural felicity, Which love and innocence ever enjoy.   Let Envy, Let Pride, Let Hate & Ambition, Still Crowd to, & beat at the breast of the Great, To Such Wretched Passions we Give no admission, But Leave them alone to the wise ones of State.   We Boast of No wealth, but Contentment & Health, In mirth & in Friendship, our moments employ Come see rural felicity, Which love and innocence ever enjoy.   With Reason we taste of Each Heart Stirring pleasure, With Reason we Drink of the full flowing Bowl, Are Jocund & Gay, But 'tis all within measure, For fatal excess will enslave the free Soul,   Then Come at our bidding to this Happy wedding, No Care Shall obtrude here, our Bliss to annoy, Come see rural felicity, Which love and innocence ever enjoy. Eriskay Love Lilt performed by Brian Tinker Leo from the album A Bottle O' The Best - Three Centuries Of Scottish Folksongs www.facebook.com/tinkersings/ An Eriskay Love Lilt   Nana Mouskouri Bheir mi oh a ro van oh;bheir mi oh a ro van e. Bheir mi oh a ro ho! Sad am I without thee. When I'm lonely dear white heart;Black the night or wild the sea, By love's light my foot finds the old path way to thee. Bheir mi oh a ro van oh;bheir mi oh a ro van e. Bheir mi oh a ro ho! Sad am I without thee. Thou art music of my heart;Harp of joy oh cush ma cree Moon of guidance by night;light the pathway to thee. Bheir mi oh a ro van oh;bheir mi oh a ro van e. Bheir mi oh a ro ho! Sad am I without thee. Black Is the Color performed by Jesse Linder from the album Crescent Moon www.facebook.com/pg/JesseLinder.Bard "Author: adapted by John Jacob Niles Copyright: G. Schinner Music Inc. Black is the color of my true love's hair her lips are like some roses fair she's the sweetest smile and the gentlest hands and I love the ground where on she stands   I love my love and well she knows I love the ground where on she goes if she on earth no more I'll see My life will quickly fade away   I'll go to the Clyde and I'll mourne and weep for satisfied I'll never be I'll write her a letter just a few short lines and suffer death a 1000 times   Winter's past and the leaves are green the time has passed that we have seen but still I hope the time will come when she and I will be as one   (Not the same version as Christy Moore sings)   The Christy Moore Version Black is the Colour   Black is the color of my true love's hair her lips are like some roses fair she's the sweetest smile and the gentlest hands and I love the ground where on she stands   I love my love and well she knows I love the ground where on she goes I wish the day It soon would come When she and I Could be as one   I go to the Clyde And I mourne and weep For satisfied I ne'er can be I write her a letter just a few short lines and suffer death a thousand times"   Bogie's Bonnie Belle performed by Coeur De Lion from the album Coeur De Lion www.mpetersco.com/CDL/ "Bogie's Bonnie Belle As I came down to Huntly town, a-searching for a fee I met with Bogie o' Cairnie and with him I did agree. To work his two best horses, barrow, cart or plow Or any kind of good farmwork he knew well that I could do.   He had a lovely daughter, and her name was Isabel, She was the lily of the valley and the primrose of the dell. And when she'd go out walking she'd take me for her guide; Down by the banks of Cairnie we watched those small fish glide.   And when three short months had gone and passed, this lassie lost her bloom. And the red fell from her rosy cheeks, and her eyes began to swoon. And when nine long months had gone and passed, she bore to me a son, And swiftly I was sent for to see what could be done.   I said that I would marry her, but och, that would not dee, Saying, “You're no match for Isabelle, and she's no match for thee.” So I took my own son all in my arms, may he bring to me much joy, And may he mean as much to me as the girl that I adore.   And now she's married to a tinker lad and he comes from Huntly town, Mending pots and pans and paraffin lamps and he scours the country 'round. Maybe she's got have a better match, old Bogie can't tell, Fare ye well, you lads o' Huntly side and Bogie's Bonnie Belle."   So Ben Mi Ch'a Bon Tempo performed by Consort of SomeSorte from the album Danse www.myspace.com/theconsorteofsomesorte "So ben mi ch'a bon tempo, Al so ma basta moSo ben ch'e favorito, Ahimé no'l posso dir,O s'io potessi dire, Chi va, chi sta, chi vien.La ti darà martello Per farti disperarSo ben mi ch'a bon tempo, Al so ma basta mo"   Toast to Love and Marriage performed by Empty Hats from the album Greatest Hats www.emptyhats.com "Toast to Love and Marrage   When I was just a lad, me mum said ""Darlin' Paddy So's you won't be sad someday you'll want to marry It's time we had this chat on how to find a wife for you Old, young, skinny, or fat, the best to make a life for you   Just seek a girl with charms, like Venus but with arms To keep your bed all warm and happily married will you be It's how I caught your dad, me beauty drove him mad And now you see he's had these many years of marital bliss and harmony.""   Raise your glasses high and toast to love and marriage We'll never understand 'til they slide our coffins from the carriage Whack-fe-lol-da-rah   But then I turned fourteen, me pa said, ""Darlin' Paddy I'll teach you the routine to find the girl to marry You'll have the benefit of all me experience In a relationship of lasting joy and permanence   Just marry an ugly girl, the oyster not the pearl The ugliest in the world, 'cause a bonny lass could leave ya I'm telling you now, me son, it's the reason I married your mum So do as I have done, if an ugly girl, she leaves you You'll find you don't really mind.""   Raise your glasses high and toast to love and marriage We'll never understand 'til they slide our coffins from the carriage Whack-fe-lol-da-rah   So's I've grown up a bit confused, love was such a bother Courted pretty girls, and some that looked like me mother So Mom and dear old Dad, the words to me you've spoken I feel that I've been had, me heart is always broken   When I thought Id found true love, and I'm thanking God above Push it came to shove and I'm back out on me bum again I'm telling you lads it's true, no longer will I woo Me heart is black and blue, I'll leave this game of love to you I'm going off to become a priest!   Raise your glasses high and toast to love and marriage We'll never understand 'til they slide our coffins from the carriage Raise your glasses high and toast to love and marriage We'll never understand 'til they slide our coffins from the carriage Whack-fe-lol-da-rah"   Tartan Is The Color Of My True Love's Hair performed by Barleyjuice from the album Six Yanks www.barleyjuice.com "Tartan is the Colour Of My True Love's Hair (Mark Mulholland / IMRO; Kyf Brewer / Brewerds&Music / ASCAP)   Well when I was just a young lad, my life about to start There was ever only one girl had a place inside my heart We walked the glen, we climbed the Ben, the forest was our bed, And many a morn I'd wake to find me kilt across her head   And I been up and I been down and I been here and I been there Never saw a bonny lassie quite as comely or as fair You can talk of pretty maidens and I don't bloody care Cause tartan is the colour of my true love's hair   We walked the bonnie highlands, no matter what the weather And we'd shag each other senseless in the bonnie purple heather ŒTil one day we were frolicking and as my true love laughed, She fell into the workings of an old disused mineshaft   And I been up and I been down and I been here and I been there Never saw a bonny lassie quite as comely or as fair You can talk of pretty maidens and I don't bloody care Cause tartan is the colour of my true love's hair   Well I never have recovered from that sad, sad, sorry day So I left my native land for the shores of Amerikay And many a man has made remark about me ancient dress But I wear it in remembrance of the girl it e'er first kissed   And I been up and I been down and I been here and I been there Never saw a bonny lassie quite as comely or as fair You can talk of pretty maidens and I don't bloody care Cause tartan is the colour of my true love's hair"   Mary Mack performed by Queen Ann's Lace from the album Unlaced www.QALace.com "Mary Mack   There's a little girl and her name is Mary Mack Make no mistake, she's the girl I'm gonna track There's a lot of other fellas who would get up on her track But I'm thinking that they'll have to get up early   CHORUS Mary Mack's father's makin' Mary Mack marry me My father's makin' me marry Mary Mack And I'm goin' to marry Mary for my Mary to take care of me Well all be making merry when I marry Mary Mack   There a little lass and she has a lot of brass has a lot of gas and her father thinks I'm gas And I'd be a silly ass for to let the matter pass Her father thinks she suits me fairly CHORUS   Mary and her mother do an awful lot together In fact you hardly ever see the one without the other Lot of people wonder whether if its Mary or her mother Or both of them together that I'm courting CHORUS   Now the weddin's on Wednesday and everything's arranged Soon her name wil change to mine, unless her mind is changed And makin' the arrangements is makin' me deranged marriage is an awful undertaking CHORUS   It's sure to be a grand affair and grander than a fair There's gonna be a coach and pair for every pair that's there We'll dine upon the finest fare, I'm sure to get my share If I don't I'll be very much mistaken CHORUS"   Lover's Wreck performed by Cheeks and Phoenix from the album Any Requests www.cheeksandphoenix.com """Lover's_Wreck   A hundred days at sea, A retch away from misery Rummies and rats and tarry jacks my only family (break) The island of salvation Is still a scream a way As the lungs of the night Blow out the light my heart kneels Down to pray   (strait into chorus) Lord why did you take her She meant so much to me Now I’m a wretched soul on a privateer Drowning out at sea I’m killing and I’m drinking My blue heart to black But I swear oh lord I’ll never sin again If you bring her back   Gypsy was a siren, Dripping with desire Her moonless hair and skin so fair as warm as frozen fire She had the loyalty of a cat, behind those pale green eyes Through her cherry lips, the devil slipped, a thousand lies A clan of rogues and vagabonds, occupied her head That thieving band took her pale white hand and stole her from my bed And like a ghost ship in the night, She drifted out once more To land upon the sand of another lover’s shore   Lord why did you take her She meant so much to me Now I’m a wretched soul on a privateer Drowning out at sea I’m killing and I’m drinking My blue heart to black But I swear oh lord I’ll never sin again If you bring her back   In my sleeping mind she sings a sad and lonely lullaby When I wake there’s just the ache it will haunt me till I die When those winds of vanity no longer blow her west I pray they’ll guide her home (across the foam) and put my heart to rest Press gang filled this Man-o-War To make the black mouthed cannon roar Now all my trade is ball and blade, and blood forever more And the sting of salt and spray, the ocean’s howl and squall A stumbling wreck, I roam the deck, at the devil’s beck and call At the devil’s beck and call   Lord why did you take her She meant so much to me Now I’m a wretched soul on a privateer Drowning out at sea I’m killing and I’m drinking My blue heart to black But I swear oh lord I’ll never sin again If you bring her back I swear oh lord I’ll never sin again If you bring her back"""   I Still Remember performed by Blackmore's Night from the album Fires At Midnight www.blackmoresnight.com "I thought of you the other day How worlds of change led us astray Colors seem to fade to gray In the wake of yesterday You looked into my eyes You had me hypnotized and I can still remember you I had a dream of you and I A thousand stars lit up the sky I touched your hand and you were gone But memories of you live on You looked into my eyes You had me hypnotized and I can still remember you Those moments spent together Promising forever and I can still remember you Do you ever think of me And get lost in the memory When you do, I hope you smile And hold that memory a while You looked into my eyes You had me hypnotized and I can still remember you Those moments spent together Promising forever and I can still remember you Still remember you Still remember you Still remember you Still remember you Still remember you Still remember you Still remember you Still remember you Still remember you Still remember you"   Mist-Covered Mountains performed by Crimson Pirates from the album Your Day In The Barrel www.crimsonpirates.com/ "O chì, chì mi na mòr-bheanna O chì, chì mi na còrr-bheanna O chì, chì mi na coireachan Chì mi na sgoran fo cheò   Hail to the mountains with summits of blue, To the glens with their meadows of sunshine and dew. To the women and men ever constant and true, Ever ready to welcome one home.   Oh ro soon shall I see them; Oh he ro see them oh see them. Oh ro soon shall I see them the Mist covered mountains of home.   There shall I gaze on the mountains again, On the fields and the woods and the burns and the glens, Away 'mong the corries beyond human ken In the haunts of the deer I will roam   Oh ro soon shall I see them; Oh he ro see them oh see them. Oh ro soon shall I see them the Mist covered mountains of home. There shall I visit the place of my birth And they'll give me a welcome the warmest on earth All so loving and kind full of music and mirth, In the sweet sounding language of home.   O chì, chì mi na mòr-bheanna O chì, chì mi na còrr-bheanna O chì, chì mi na coireachan Chì mi na sgoran fo cheò   Oh ro soon shall I see them; Oh he ro see them oh see them. Oh ro soon shall I see them the Mist covered mountains of home.   Married to a Mermaid performed by Dregs from the album Do It Like You're Drunk www.the-dregs.net "Married_to_a_Mermaid   There was a gay young farmer, Who liv'd on Salisbury plain; He lov'd a rich Knight's daughter dear! And she lov'd him again. The Knight he was distressed, That they should sweethearts be. So he had the farmer soon pressed, And sent him off to sea. Singing Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves Britons never, never, never shall be slaves... 'Twas on the deep Atlantic, Midst Equinoctial gales; This young farmer fell overboard Among the sharks and whales; He disappeared so quickly, So headlong down went he, That he went out of sight Like a streak of light To the bottom of the deep blue sea. Singing Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves Britons never, never, never shall be slaves... We lowered a boat to find him, We thought to see his corse, When up to the top he came with a bang, And sang in a voice so hoarse, 'My comrades and my messmates, Oh, do not weep for me, For I'm married to a mermaid, Atthe bottom of the deep blue sea.' Singing Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves Britons never, never, never shall be slaves... He said that as he went down, Great fishes he did see; They seemed to think as he did wink, That he was rather free. But down he went so quickly, Saying, ""Tis all up with me, ' When he met a lovely mermaid Atthe bottom of the deep blue sea. Singing Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves Britons never, never, never shall be slaves... She came at once unto him, And gave him her white hand, Saying, 'I have waited long, my dear, To welcome you to land. Go to your ship and tell them, You'll leave them all for me; For you're married to a mermaid At the bottom of the deep blue sea.' Singing Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves Britons never, never, never shall be slaves... The wind was fair, the sails set, The ship was running free; When we all went to the captain bold, And told what we did see. He went unto the ship's side, And loudly bellowed he, 'Be happy as you can, my man, At the bottom of the deep blue sea.' Singing Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves Britons never, never, never shall be slaves..."

What can you do to be more productive, efficient, effective, and get stuff done while working from home during the COVID-19 crisis? No matter how much work you do or get done, there’s always more to do. Today’s guest is Thanh Pham from Asian Efficiency, which has helped more than 15,000 clients worldwide. Also, Thanh hosts a growing and flourishing podcast called, The Productivity Show. You’ll Learn... [01:53] Asian Efficiency: Positive stereotype and memorable name for company. [02:55] Thanh turns hobby of documenting productivity processes into a business. [03:47] Groundhog Day: Businesses operating from home lose time and progress. [05:06] Work/Life Balance: Nothing going on, no way to work, long days, and no variety. [06:33] Planning: Take it to the next level via different dimensions, contingency options. [07:23] Productive vs. Interruptive: Seek clarity to set one goal a day to accomplish. [09:10] Sense of Momentum: What you want and why it matters should drive your life. [12:15] Structure/Strategy: Create own schedule, design ideal day, and set cutoff time. [14:57] Five Whys: Identify root cause and motivation. Money, freedom, flexibility? [17:55] Energy vs. Time: Don’t do everything, do what you like and others do the rest. [25:44] Ideal Day: Map it out the night before to start the next day right away. [27:08] Do’s and Don’ts: Don't eat at your desk; do step away from your office or home. [32:05] What keeps you up at night? Entrepreneurs are known for worrying too much. [34:40] Chinese Proverb: The palest ink is better than the best memory. [35:41] Analog vs. Digital: What’s the difference? Depends on personal preference. Tweetables Restore order in your life to gain a sense of relief and energy to help you recover. “Whenever we're working from home, one of the most important things is to plan our day. That's such a simple thing that we can do, but most of us kind of skip that process.” “Set one goal a day. If you accomplish just one goal a day, no matter how big or small, you had a productive day.” “If we don't have energy, if we don't have any of that when we're starting our day, it's just so much more challenging to be productive.” Resources Asian Efficiency The Productivity Show The ONE Thing by Gary Keller Oura Ring Evernote OmniFocus Jira Mont Blanc Pens DoorGrow on YouTube DoorGrowClub DoorGrowLive DoorGrow Website Score Quiz DoorGrow Cold Leads Calculator Transcript Jason: Welcome, DoorGrow Hackers, to the DoorGrow Show. If you are a property management entrepreneur that wants to add doors, make a difference, increase revenue, help others, impact lives, and you are interested in growing your business and life, and you are open to doing things a bit differently, then you are a DoorGrow Hacker. DoorGrow Hackers love the opportunities, daily variety, unique challenges, and freedom that property management brings. Many in real estate think you’re crazy for doing it, you think they’re crazy for not because you realize that property management is the ultimate high-trust gateway to real estate deals, relationships, and residual income. At DoorGrow, we are on a mission to transform property management businesses and their owners. We want to transform the industry, eliminate the BS, build awareness, change perception, expand the market, and help the best property management entrepreneurs win. I’m your host, property management growth expert, Jason Hull, the founder and CEO of DoorGrow. Now, let’s get into the show. I have a special guest with me today. Just down the street in Austin hanging out. This is Thanh Pham. What's up, Thanh? Thanh: Hey, Jason. Good to be here. Thanks for having me and I'm super excited to chat with you here today about productivity and anything that we can do to be more productive. Jason: All right. Did I say your name right? Thanh: Yeah, you did. First time, first attempt, 100% correct. Jason: I thought I did, but I thought I would make sure. I'm really excited to have you. You have a great sense of humor. We're chatting it up before the show and your company is called Asian Efficiency, right? Is this correct? Asian Efficiency? Thanh: That is correct. That is a positive stereotype that we have going on here in most of America and the Western world so I thought, “You know what? That's such a funny name. Such a name that sticks out and is memorable.” So we started off as a joke in a way because I just want to document my journey of being more productive. I remember one time I was staying at a house in Miami with some friends, all fellow entrepreneurs. We went out for one night, then we had a few drinks. We had a great time, then the next morning I was being productive in getting stuff done; waking up really early. By the time it was noon, I was done with my day and everyone else was waking up really late. I said, “Oh my gosh, Thanh. You're so productive. That's some Asian efficiency right there,” and that's when the name was born. Jason: So this almost became a theme around you or a nickname attached to you before it was a business. Thanh: Yeah. Honestly, it just started as a hobby. I just wanted to document how I did things as I was learning about productivity and how to be efficient, be effective, managing my time better, and I just started to blog about this back in the day in 2011. After a while, it just started to grow and took a life of its own after about six months. Then people kept asking me, “Thanh, this is so helpful. I'm learning so much. I would love to hire you. Do you have any courses or products?” And I said, “Actually I don't. But that's a great idea.” I accidentally turned this into a business, and now, almost nine years later, we helped over 15,000 clients all over the world. We have a podcast that's growing and flourishing, and just continuously impacting people, people that are listening here today as well. Jason: Awesome. Our topic today is productivity while working from home, which a lot of people are doing right now. Due to the Coronavirus, COVID-19, a lot of people are on lockdown. A lot of people have been stuck at home. Businesses are operating, some are still operating, but they're doing it from home, and a lot of people are joking right now. The big joke is it's all one big day that's been running forever. Everybody feels like there's no difference between one week to the next. The month has gone on for three months now. We're kind of losing a sense of time, it seems to be the theme, and things just keep repeating so we lose a sense of because everything seems so similar each day and we're lacking variety in our day to day, it feels like we're not making any progress I think, maybe subconsciously as well. What are you doing to stay out of that Groundhog’s Day sort of movie type of scenario in your own mind, cognitively? Thanh: I think one of the interesting things that are happening now is some of those are working more than others and some of those are going the complete opposite route. We don't have a job. There's nothing going on and there's no way for us to work. In either spectrum, it feels like days are so long as a result because as you said there's no variety. It's nice to be able to go to work and then come home relax and do nothing. When we miss one or the other, it feels like we're completely out of balance or some of us are just working all the time. If you've been working from home for a while, then you're just working more now because there's nothing else to do. You can't leave your home. You can't go anywhere so you just work more. For those who don't have a job right now, or not working as much, or can't work, you are stuck as well. You can't do anything else but stay at home and relax and do relaxing activities. Jason: And binge Netflix. Thanh: And binge Netflix, yeah. I've watched so many shows. Money Heist was one of my favorite ones that I just finished. A great show, watch that one. Jason: I just went through that too. My girlfriend and I were watching that one and it was good. Thanh: Oh my gosh. Season Four, that really got me. But that's a whole completely different podcast. Jason: I wasn’t mad at the cliff hanger left at the ending though. My girlfriend was upset and I was like, “No, that makes me excited about the next season.” Thanh: [...], you just have to watch it whenever you have time. Jason: I'm sure the character, the professor, you'll get excited about. He's got everything planned out. He's incredibly efficient and he always finds a way to make things work. It seems like when nothing else seems like it'll be possible, he finds some [...] Thanh: I thought I was a planner until I saw this character. Then this guy takes planning to a whole nother level because I thought planning a vacation was great, fun, and easy, then this guy takes planning of the robbery to five different dimensions, so you go whoa, this is crazy. Jason: Right. He's got all the contingency plans. He's got names for all of them and something happens, he's like, “No problem. We're just going to bust out plan C,” and they just pop it out and everybody knows what to do. Thanh: That's a beautiful thing and when we're working from home we can take the same approach. Whenever we're working from home, one of the most important things is to plan our day. That's such a simple thing that we can do, but most of us kind of skip that process. If you're listening to this and you feel like most of your days are unstructured or you go about your day and you feel like, “Man, I wish I was more productive,” or, “I wish I had that one particular thing done.” I know many of you who are listening probably find it very challenging to schedule stuff. You want to say, “You know what? I want to work on this particular task, or call this particular tenant or client at 11,” and then something comes up. A fire, someone calls you, you got an important email, you're on call the whole time, you have an email client open, interruptions coming all the time, you feel like you're on edge, and it makes it very difficult to focus. It makes it very difficult to concentrate and have focus blocks where you're actually working and doing stuff. When you're in that kind of situation, one thing I've found is when you're trying to work with people who have that interrupt-driven day, one of the best ways you can approach that is to set one goal a day. If you accomplish just one goal a day, no matter how big or small, you had a productive day because the rest of your day is typically driven by interruptions and things you have to deal with anyway. But if you can make progress on one goal, or one big outcome, or one big task, that's a really productive day, so let's aim for that. Jason: That reminds me of Gary Keller's The ONE Thing. He's got his one thing question which is, “What's the one thing that, by doing it, everything else will become irrelevant or easier?” That one thing question, so maybe that's something the listeners can ask themselves. What's that one thing that if I do this, it's going to get me a sense of momentum today? It's going to make me feel like I've done something. I've accomplished something. I moved the needle just slightly on my goals. Thanh: I think a great reframe to add on top of that to help people because one of the things I see people struggle with is, “Jason, I have five million things I have to do and they all have to be done. How do I pick one thing to work on?” Oftentimes, we ask ourselves that question. It's a sign that you don't have any clarity about your goal or the destination you want to go towards. So, when you don't have that, everything feels equally important and whenever you get that sense when everything is equally important, that's a sure sign that you don't have clarity about what your goal is or what your destination is. I want to challenge you as a listener to say, “Hey, what is the goal that I'm trying to accomplish?” Because once you know what that is, prioritizing or finding the one thing or the few things you have to do becomes so much easier. As an example, if you're publishing a book, that is your big goal for the year, then if you have a to-do list that says I need to redo my finances, organize my closet and write chapter two. One of those three sounds more appealing because it's aligned to a goal which is just writing chapter two. That doesn't mean redoing your finances and organizing the closet is not important, they are important, but they're not, in relationship to the goal, important enough for you to prioritize over something else. Once you have absolute clarity about the goal, this is what I'm trying to accomplish, you start to notice that certain tasks on your to-do list stand out because they will help you get you closer to your goal. That makes prioritizing them really easy and that makes it easy for you to say, “Okay, this is the one thing or maybe the two things I have to do today, and if I do that then I had a really productive day.” Jason: I love that. I think some of the coaches I've worked with in the past, one of their big questions would always be to ask what do you want? What do you want? That first gut reaction deep down that we're going to respond to that. What do you want in your business? What do you want I think is really important because it's very easy I think for us to just end up becoming a slave to our business or doing things for other people. I think a simple question of what do you want, then the follow-up question was always why does that matter? Because if it doesn't matter, we're not really going to do it. There has to be a why behind it especially if that’s work, if it's painful, if it's difficult. So what do you want and why does it matter. Really, that ultimately should be driving our business. It should be driving our life. All these things are vehicles to serve as. They're all vehicles to make us happier, or more fulfilled, or give us a sense of momentum. Let's get into some specifics. People are listening and are like, “Thanh, I've got my one goal but how do I create this structure for my day that you've talked about? How do I do this?” Thanh: If you're working from home, one of the best things you can do is to create a schedule for yourself because after working from home since 2009, I've consulted so many clients over the years. There's a lot of different strategies out there when it comes to being productive and trying to be efficient working from home, but the one strategy that I see that is most effective for most people is creating your own schedule. You want to design your ideal day and one of the biggest things that you want to pay attention to is that again, one, you want to have one big goal for today especially for people who are listening to this who are interrupt-driven schedule, you want to create that. Then the second thing is you want to make sure that you have the cutoff time for when you stop working as well. I know that's going to sound crazy for a lot of property managers and you go, “Thanh, I can't do that. I'm on call 24/7 and I need to be reachable whenever people contact me.” I totally get that, but if you want to have some sense of balance in your life or if you feel like you're always on call, you're tired of being that way, you want to then start creating some systematic solution around that so that if people do call you after a certain time, it's still being handled. When I'm working with a lot of owners and operators, their main fear is, “Man, if I stop working after six. I'm going to lose a lot of business. I'm going to get a lot of complaints.” Those are rightfully so in the beginning, I would say, but what if you could hire someone to be able to work even part-time to deal with stuff outside of your normal office hours? To be able to handle that request and things that people need so that you don't have to do that. You can pay someone else to be able to do the things that need to be done while you have time for yourself. As you're growing your business and have specific boundaries for yourself, it makes it easier for you to have that work-life balance because most of us who are entrepreneurs and are working all the time, after a while we get so tired. One of the main reasons businesses stop existing or quit is because the owner is tired. They're just like, I'm so done with— Jason: They’re burned out. Thanh: Yeah, they have this burnout. So we want to create boundaries. We want to create systems in place so that we don't have to work all the time. When we do work, we can work on the things we have passion about or we're really good about, that are in alignment with what you were talking about earlier which I love is the whole why thing. If you've never done that exercise, it's called the five whys. Basically you ask yourself why five times, you start to come down to the root cause, the root motivation for you why you started this business. Oftentimes it's not because you wanted to make more money even though that was I'm sure a strong motivator for a lot of people. Oftentimes, it comes down to having your own freedom in your life. Having a flexible schedule. Having quality time with your family and friends. Once you really connect with that, you start to realize I don't have to work 18 hours a day. I can accomplish everything I need in six, or seven, or eight, and the rest of the time I can spend it with my family because that's why I started my business. To be able to spend time with them, not necessarily work more until midnight fixing stuff or trying to attend to tenants, even though that is important. Someone else can do that as well and get paid for it. You employ someone and that's a beautiful thing too. Jason: I think ultimately when we boil anything down, it comes down to usually a feeling that we want to have. Somebody just says I really want a Tesla, or I want to drive. I want this car. When you really boil it down, people always want what we think we will feel when we have that. How would it feel to have a business that runs itself or I had the freedom, the time? Ultimately, it boils down to some sort of feeling that we want to have. Then if you work it backward, once you figure it out, once you get to that bedrock why, then the question is can I have this why without that? Or is there a faster vehicle or a way to get to that in that? If I just want to feel powerful, are there other things I can do to feel powerful besides what I was thinking about how to look this one certain way? One coaching or program that I went through, this phrase they always drove into us was, “It doesn't have to look a certain way.” They recognize it. Everybody always gets so attached to things looking a certain way. We want a specific outcome and we want to get there in a specific way. It has to look this way. No, no, no. It has to be like this. Sometimes we end up becoming control freaks and I'm sure sometimes productivity can become a control freakish mode for people to get into. They're micromanaging every second. They're doing too much. Planning everything out in so much detail that they kill all the life and spirit of their life, fun. Ultimately, that could lead the burnout, unless people really just thrive on that situation. I'm a big fan of energy management over time management. Spending your time doing the things you really enjoy like you're talking about and that's going to help you avoid getting burnout because if I'm doing the things that I love, I can work crazy amounts of hours in a week because I love it. I'm not getting burned out on it. I'm far less likely to get tired. People aren't going to annoy me or frustrate me in those situations because I feel alive. I feel like I'm doing something that brings me joy, life, and momentum. I think ultimately everybody needs to find that in their business because I think the great secret that nobody talks about is that as a business owner, you don't have to do all the stuff people say a business owner has to do. You can do whatever you want. If you want to be the receptionist in your company, you can be the receptionist. It's your choice. It's your company. If you want to do accounting and you love that, you can do the accounting. If you want to do customer service, you can do that being the business owner. Let's go to the cutoff time. I really like this idea. I like this idea because there are so many beliefs that prevent us from stopping and cutting it off. I had a job working for an internet service provider and I started managing their support department after being there for a short period of time, then I was moving up and then I was just underneath the two owners. I was working really crazy long hours. I had to commute sometimes during that job, like two hours because I was driving into LA (Los Angeles), and traffic was crazy. And then driving out. S.o I would just stay even later and I was working, working, working. The thing I realized is that no matter how much work I did there was always more. There's never an end to finishing all work that could or possibly will be done. There's no exact stopping point that you'll eventually find that all the work you need to do as a business owner or even just as an employee is done. But creating a healthy stopping point when it hits this time, I'm going to stop my day and pick it up again tomorrow. It's always going to be there waiting for you. It's still there and what I find is, is it the Pareto principle? It is the idea that if you constraint your time to a certain limit, “I'm going to be done by five o'clock. Five o'clock I'm cutting it off.” What happens is you start to become more productive because you start to innovate. You start to be creative. You're forced to constraint and because of that constraint, you have now to innovate. Without a constraint, it could be endless. You give somebody in your team an endless amount of time to do something, they can take weeks. You're like, “No, I need this done by Friday.” Then they start to innovate. “It's not possible the way I currently do it to get done by Friday. Okay, what can we do to change that?” Every week you can have this done. Then, you start to get innovative. I think there are secret benefits to doing that cutoff time that psychologically feel backward but we're going to become more productive as a result of creating that cutoff time. Do you agree? Thanh: I one hundred percent agree because there are actually multiple benefits to setting that cutoff time. You mentioned one [...] of them right there which is like setting a deadline first. We know that there's nothing better than having a really good deadline that forces you to get a lot of things done in a shorter period of time. Having that cutoff time every single day is like having a deadline every day for yourself to say, “Okay, I need to get all of these work done before a specific time,” and if we don't have that, then we take up the whole day and even more than that to get the things done that we need to get done. That goes back to what you're saying early like Parkinson's Law. Something takes up as much time as we give it to. If we say, “I want to have this done in two weeks,” it can be done and if you tell yourself it can be done in one year, it will be done in one year. It's just a matter of how much time we give ourselves to get something done. By having a daily cutoff time, by forcing ourselves to do the things that need to be done, especially if you focus on one or two major things like the one thing or the two smaller things and say, “Okay, I need to have this done before five,” then you will find ways like you said to get it done. The other big benefit of that is that when you have that balance to say, “Okay, after five I'm going to stop working,” you can then go to bed earlier. You can enjoy time with your family. You can spend time with your kids or you can do some personal hobbies. You can run some errands. You can do all these different things that restore order in your life. They give you a sense of relief. They give you a sense of energy to help you recover. Guess what? You're going to show up as a better owner, as a better property manager the next day because if you're sleeping well, you're eating right, you have the time to do all the things you need to do, you're going to show up the next day feeling refreshed and having more energy. Like we talked about and like you mentioned earlier, energy is such an important factor. It's such an important currency for productivity and when we have the energy to focus and do the things we need to do, we are so much more productive than without it. It's like if you have really nice sports cars sitting in your garage, you're the perfect driver. You know exactly how to drive it. You know every single feature, but the car has no gas. Guess what? You're not going to go anywhere even if you have the right tools, you know exactly what you need to do, you have no gas? Guess what? You're not going to drive that thing anywhere. It's the same thing for us. If we don't have energy. If we don't have any of that when we're starting our day, it's just so much more challenging to be productive. Then we have to caffeinate. We have to drink more coffee or tea getting ourselves ready. That's not a success [...] for us to be able to focus and be productive for the rest of our lives. We want to be able to start our day, get things done that need to be done, and have the energy to focus and do the best work that we're paid to do, essentially. By introducing that cutoff time, it has so many benefits that come with that. Just think about all the benefits that come with having more energy. Sleeping better, running the errands you need to get done. Having that sense of order in place because you can do all these different things. It makes it so much easier and makes you so much happier as well. That's going to be reflected in your work you do the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. Jason: I think ultimately what all of these creates is presence. It allows us to be more present or more there when we need to be there. If a property manager is communicating with a tenant, they need to be on when things get difficult or sticky. They need to be on with an owner and they need to cognitively have the ability to make decisions, and move quickly, and think. All of this gives us power. It gives us power when we're able to be more present because if you're tired, you're not present, not nearly. If you're cognitively burned out, then you're almost in a situation that is painful that you're forcing yourself to do something. Forcing your body to do something that is uncomfortable. You're done and you keep going. Let's go back to the idea of this ideal day. How do we create a map for our ideal day? When do you do this? Thanh: Ideally, you want to plan your ideal day the night before. That's something that is such a simple habit that I teach and very few people actually do. But once they do it and follow through with it, they start to know this huge productivity jumps because it allows you to start your day right away, as soon as you're done with your morning routine or you're sitting down on your desk instead of just starting your day where you're scrambling, trying to figure out what to do. Also, the other benefit that comes with planning your day the night before is that you can go to bed knowing that everything is being addressed and is going to be addressed the next day as well. You can feel relaxed and not stressed out as much because you know anything that needs to be addressed needs to be done the next day, so you can sleep a lot better. It has so many energy benefits as we talked about earlier. Planning your day the night before is one of the first things I would recommend people do. The second thing is to have one big goal. One big win for the day, then the third thing is the cutoff time. You have those three pieces in place, plan it the night before, one big goal, and having a cutoff time. You will have an ideal day figured out for yourself. If you're working from home, one of the things I would also recommend that you don't eat at your desk. Actually leave your office or your home. This applies also if you're working on an office because most of us are just sitting at our office or desk the whole day and we get so burned out by just looking at a screen, being on Zoom meetings, or being on the phone the whole time that it's actually nice to be able to step away. Go for lunch for an hour and go for a walk. By the time you come back, get outside. Get some sunlight, some vitamin D and you feel so much better. Your mood is elevated. You have a new sense of urgency, a new sense of energy. Stepping away from your desk to have lunch, as simple as that sounds, will make a big difference. I was working with this coaching client. He had all these big goals and we were committed for a three-month engagement. The only thing we did is I told him to go for an hour-and-a-half every single day because he was working at a big bank. He was super busy. He felt like he just had to work 80 hours a week. The only difference that we truly implemented was just going out for lunch because it's like a mid-day reset for him. I gave him a new sense of energy, a resurgence of focus. He was able to work from going to 80 hours to 55 hours, which was a huge improvement for him. The only change was because he had a longer lunch and is going outside. Going out for lunch away from his office. As a result, he was just more focused, had more energy, and knew exactly what he needed to do. He had more time to think about stuff. So, instead of just sitting there all day at his desk feeling lethargic and just sitting there for the sake of sitting there, he wasn't actually truly productive. Again, plan your day the night before, have one big win, set a cutoff time, then definitely go out for lunch outside of your home and office. Jason: I love it. It's like breaking up your day into two chunks to tackle. It's a lot easier than doing an eight-hour chunk. The night before, why not do planning in the morning? Maybe you can touch on that. Some people do this. They get up in the morning. They sit down. They're like, “I'm going to plan out my day,” and they do it in the morning. Advantages? Disadvantages? What are your thoughts? I'm sure you've had clients doing that. Thanh: Yeah, I've done both for many years. Planned the night before and I also planned the morning of. One thing I found is if you're somebody who is a morning person, you have the energy you have in the morning, then planning the night before gives you the most benefit because you can just start your day right away and just use your energy and focus on the important task that needs to be done. You just get started right away. You're not wasting time or energy planning something. You already did that the night before. If you're a morning person, then I would say that's the way to go. I would say for a majority of people that applies too, even if you're not a morning person. Even if you're somebody who starts a little bit later, let's say 10, 11, or 12. It's still beneficial to plan the night before because you can go to bed knowing that, "Okay, I have an idea what to do." Also, there's the sense that once we know what we need to do the next day when we go to bed we can just feel assured that we're going to do this, but also, our brain will start thinking about how do we solve this particular task or problem or knowing exactly what we need to do the next day. That's very powerful as well whereas if you plan the day off or the morning of, often it's easy to get distracted, or to have an excuse for something, or just continue to lay on the bed a little bit longer because we wanted to. Because there's no sense of urgency or clarity about, "Okay. I need to do this today," because that planning process still hasn't come up. I think for many reasons and for many people planning the night before is more of a preference, ideal, something that you will make a habit of because I do think it has much more impact. But if you're somebody who doesn't' really get started until two or three o'clock in the afternoon, then I'd say it's okay to do it in the morning because you're not going to be as focused anyway. Those are some of the pros and cons, but if I were to work with a client, I would always recommend doing it the night before. Jason: I like the idea you touched on there that if you do your planning the night before, you're then allowing your subconscious to work out a lot of the details. A lot of entrepreneurs operate based on their gut, their intuition. It's things that they're subconscious, or deep down are coming up for them, or they’re figuring out. I think that gives them more of an opportunity to use that supercomputer that our subconscious mind is. That makes a lot of sense. I'm going to play around on that. That sounds cool. You always hear the phrase, “What keeps you up at night?” Entrepreneurs are notoriously known for being kept up at night because they're worried about something or working on something. Maybe just the act of offloading everything at the end of the day and saying this is going to be a plan for tomorrow, instead of leaving it there feeling like you need to work on it, that's going to allow your subconscious to work on it, but also create the space so that you can get good rest and you aren't kept up worrying about things. It'll allow you to lower that anxiety or that pressure, noise, or that stress that every entrepreneur tends to carry. Thanh: Yeah, that's why I always recommend that people journal at night as well because when we have so many thoughts before we go to bed, it's just so hard to fall asleep. I've been really geeking out on this even further because I have an Oura ring, one of those fitness trackers, and one thing I've [...] is that when I journal and I put all my thoughts away, my REM sleep goes up significantly. REM sleep is when [...] frustration for our brain, for our mental health, and when I don’t journal, the number of minutes of REM sleep goes down quite a bit. I think it's really because when our brain is occupied with all these different things, it cannot actually relax as much because there's just so much going on. But when we journal and put it on paper, put it away from our head and actually put it on paper, our brain can relax knowing that we don't' have to use this as memory or store anything. It's on paper. It's there. If we need it, we can access it. We don't have to worry or stress about it. You can actually focus on recovery while we're sleeping. It also helps you to sleep better. You feel less stressed when you do that. It's a nice winding down routine for you as well to decompress and just destress. I like to journal in the morning as well just to reflect and think. Also at night before I go to bed just to honestly put my stray thoughts away. If I wanted to do something, or I had a particular task, or I had an idea that I don't want to lose, just write it down real quick. It's out of your head and as you know, our memories are terrible. I've had so many ideas and then go, “Oh, what was the thing I was thinking about? That was such a brilliant idea.” Or I had a catchphrase and I was like, “Oh, I should use that on my podcast or marketing copy. Oh my gosh. I forgot what that was. I wish I had written that down.” Our memory is as not strong so it's always a good idea to write stuff down as quickly as possible especially before you— Jason: [...] about the palest ink? Thanh: That I don't know. Jason: It's the palest ink. I'm being Asian Efficiency now. It's my turn. There's this Chinese proverb that the palest ink is better than the best memory, or something like that. Thanh: Oh, I've never heard of that. I might have to borrow that from you. Jason: You could look it up. I don't know who said it, maybe it was Confucious, he says everything. But anyway the faintest ink is better than even the best memory because it's there, it’s tangible, it can't be forgotten, We know our brains are not really great at accuracy or remember things, so I love that idea. Related to that, Mr. Asian Efficiency, how do you feel about typing versus writing? Because what you're saying is writing in my journal, writing in my journal. Are you actually writing or it sounds like it can be more digital, nerdy, tech, whatever way of typing everything. A lot of people are, “Type it all. Type this note. I'll type it on my phone. Type, type, type.” Do you find there is any difference? Are the things you feel like writing is better suited for? Do you write anything? How does this work for you? Thanh: I think this whole analog versus digital is an interesting conversation for many people. What I have seen in my own personal life and amongst thousands of our clients is that there's no one best way to do something. It's really a personal preference. You can have a paper to-do list, or a physical planner where you write your to-do list, or you can have a digital one. I tend to prefer to use a digital planner myself, but when I'm writing notes down or journal, I usually like to do it on paper. There are scientific studies that show if you write something down, you tend to remember better. Your retention is a little bit better. There's some value in that as well. You also need to look at the functionality, utility value that comes with that because you leave a piece of paper at home, you can't really access it anywhere whereas if it's something in the Cloud or Evernote. If I write it down on my computer or write it down on my phone, I always have it with me whenever I need to. I like to have a combination of both so for example my to-do list is digital, I use OmniFocus as an app for that. Then in my company we use something like Jira, a project management tool. For notes and just storing ideas and just random stuff I use Evernote. That's on my phone and also on my computer and available on the web. That's an easy way to access stuff very quickly too. But when it comes to journaling, I like to have a physical planner. I use something like a five-minute planner or just a self journal which is a physical planner. I use it every single night and every morning to either plan my day, to think about stuff, or to just write down and just put some thoughts down or ideas that I have. Whenever I am traveling, I'm also carrying one with me. If I don't have it with me, then I'll store it in Evernote real quick. Most of the time, I like to use something physical because it allows me to disconnect from my computer. I'm sitting behind my computer most of the days and when I'm sitting there, I'm just not as creative because I'm associating computers and screens with work. Sometimes, if I want to be creative, I have to actually step away from that to be able to go to my whiteboard. That's another tool that I use which is physical or pen and paper-ish. Just go to my whiteboard and start mind mapping, brainstorming ideas, or creating a quick list of things I need to do or want to remember because I can be so much more creative when I'm away from my computer. The same thing with pen and paper. Sometimes, if I'm doing thinking questions for myself then I say, “Thanh, what will it take to double my business over the next six months?” That’s a simple question that I ask myself. If I do that behind my computer, I get easily distracted. There's notification popping up. “Oh, let me just quickly check this email. Someone's messaging me on Slack or Microsoft Teams. Oh my gosh, I'm getting so distracted,” whereas if I'm away and I have my favorite beverage. I'm sitting at a nice coffee shop or something, I see beautiful people walking around, there's a nice atmosphere, and I'm just sitting there and thinking, there's a different level of engagement, commitment, and clarity that I get from doing that. I like to use a combination of both. Again, there's no perfect solution for everyone. There's no one-size-fits-all, and a lot of times people have to figure out on their own what they prefer and also depending on their lifestyle, but I think everyone can benefit from digital and paper. Jason: Yeah. Like every podcast episode, I'm writing down notes. This is just this episode, that's page one. I'm already on page two. Thoughts as they come to me, things I need to do, like I just wrote down I need a cool box for my mic like you have because I don't have that. That's kind of cool. I'm always thinking and the brain is always going, so writing things down (for me) is a big deal. I use all kinds of digital stuff to keep track of things. Keep track of tasks, keep track of what my team is doing, tons of software and my business so I get it. Then even on my iPad, I have an iPad with an Apple pencil so I can write on that and it's digital. There are a whole plethora of different ways. I guess ultimately it's what works for you. What's going to actually help you feel creative, feel the momentum, and get your thoughts out. I do think there's magic in writing. As nerdy, as digital, and tech-savvy as I am, I think there's magic in writing. They found that even when you write stuff out, if you lose your main writing limb and you start writing with your other hand, your handwriting will eventually be exactly the same once you get used to it again. Handwriting analysis, if you geek out on some of those stuff, is actually like brainwriting. It's like a brain to paper. I think there's some magic in writing that I think there's also something therapeutic about writing for me that I just don't get by typing something. Thanh: Absolutely. I have a beautiful pen that was gifted to me. Someone gifted me a Mont Blanc pen and the really funny story about that is like four or five years ago when I got this gift. Someone gave me this pen and when I got this pen, back in the day I didn't know anything about pens so I'm like, “Wow. Okay, this is a nice gesture.” So I put that pen away. I didn't really think much of it and a few months later, one of my employees comes here and says, “Thanh, is that a Mont Blanc pen?” and I go, “I have no idea. What does that even mean?” He says, “Oh my gosh, this pen is like $700, Thanh. Did you not realize that?” I was like, “No, but let me use it because it's so expensive.” That's when I started using my pen and that's when I realized wow this is really actually a beautiful pen. The weight of the pen, the way you hold it, then I actually started writing down stuff a lot more as a result of that. As you said, it's kind of a therapeutic thing. It's a beautiful tool that I have that I like to use. It's really smooth and sits nicely in my hand. Because I'm away from my computer, there's no crazy stuff going on. There's a lot to that. If you make it really enjoyable for yourself where it's a therapeutic fun thing for you, you have tools that you use that you enjoy, then it makes it really easy and fun. Something that I always talk about in my podcast is called minimalist luxury. How can you have very few things, but the thing you do own or the best quality that you can afford is absolutely the best thing that you want to own and have? For example, having one really nice pen allows you to do so many cool things with that. Writing a contract, or agreement, or journaling every single day. It's a fun process for you because you love to use that pen or maybe it's a really nice jacket that you love to wear and anytime you wear it, you feel so much more confident. Going back to that feeling that you want, that you're looking for, it's like if you want to feel powerful you wear that particular jacket. There's one jacket that I have, anytime I wear it I feel so powerful. It's my favorite jacket and every time I go to speak, that's the one I always like to wear because I associate it with being powerful. Jason: I think I saw the post on your Instagram or your Facebook. Your power jacket, does it have a little shield on it? Thanh: Exactly, yeah. All these different things that we can buy and there's not many things that we need, but the few things that we need or want to make sure it's the best one that you can afford because oftentimes it will last longer. It's better quality. You'll enjoy using it more. That's something I learned from using that pen because I don't want to use any other pen, that's the one pen I want to use and every time I want to use it I feel so happy using it. Jason: Yeah. Thanh, we can probably talk about this stuff for hours. We can go on and on and I'm sure there's lots of stuff that you can share and teach people. Maybe we should wrap this up. How can people learn more and what things do you teach or share at your company? Thanh: Absolutely. Thank you first and foremost for serving your listeners and audience. If people want to find out more about me and what we do at Asian Efficiency, we have a podcast called The Productivity Show; it’s the number one podcast on iTunes. Also, you can go to asianefficiency.com. You can find anything there about productivity, being efficient, automation, what kind of tools to use. There's so much free content there that I would love to share with people, so just go to asianefficiency.com and we'll take care of you there. Jason: Awesome, alright. Thanh, it's been great having you here on the DoorGrow Show. I appreciate you being here. Thanh: Thank you. Jason: All right. We will let Thanh go. Check his stuff out. Really cool guy. Anybody that is focused on something as much as he has, has some really cool ideas to share and it's fun to have people like that on. If you are a property management entrepreneur, and you're wanting to add doors, you are wanting a better website, a better presence, you are wanting branding that makes you feel confident to look good when you go showcase your business to other people, helps you improve your sales, whatever you're looking to do for your property management business so that you can improve your growth, we can help over DoorGrow. Check us out. Go to doorgrow.com and we look forward to having you as a client and supporting you in your growth. We love our clients. We have some amazing, awesome clients. Check us out at doorgrow.com and be sure to join our community at doorgrowclub.com and that's it for today. Until next time, everyone, to our mutual growth. Bye, everyone. You just listened to the DoorGrow Show. We are building a community of the savviest property management entrepreneurs on the planet, in the DoorGrow Club. Join your fellow DoorGrow Hackers at doorgrowclub.com. Listen, everyone is doing the same stuff. SEO, PPC, pay-per-lead, content, social, direct mail, and they still struggle to grow. At DoorGrow, we solve your biggest challenge in getting deals and growing your business. Find out more at doorgrow.com. Find any show notes or links from today’s episode on our blog at doorgrow.com. To get notified of future events and news, subscribe to our newsletter at doorgrow.com/subscribe. Until next time, take what you learn and start DoorGrow hacking your business and your life.

Meet Charles Alexander Charles Alexander’s mission in life is to help busy professionals stand out in a crowded marketplace that is filled with “me too” advisors. He does this by creating story-based explainer videos for busy professionals, like Financial Advisors, Insurance Agents, or anyone else that is in an advisory role, that helps them explain what they do and show personality. How do you create the perfect little story? I always work with clients who are usually in an advisory role in some way, shape, form or fashion. One thing I always want to get across to them a lot of the video out there right now is just somebody staring mindlessly into a camera rambling for about 10 minutes hoping to eventually land another point. More than anything we need stories in our videos. In my particular case, I have folks fill out this really simple six question form and from there is where I'll write the story. And what I want people to understand is that the hero of the story is your client or potential customer. They're the ones that need to see themselves in the story in the video. They're the ones that get to take this hero's journey, so to speak. What are some of the best ways to incorporate videos in your marketing that ultimately help you just generate the best ROI. I tell them first and foremost, your website needs to have video, primarily video above the fold on the landing page of the first thing that someone else sees, because even though there are a dozen different ways to drive traffic to your site, one of the most common ways from somebody in an advisory role or any small business or whoever it could be is still word of mouth or referral. The first thing people do is go to websites. They don't necessarily pick up the phone, they don't email they visit them online. When they do that if they go to your site and it looks like everybody else's, they don't really have a good reason to call you. You didn't stand out, you didn't speak to them. One of the very first places I tell people to put video, put it on the homepage, take off all of the jargon take off all of the used stock photos, get rid of it, put a video there. What are some hidden do's and don'ts when it comes to video? One don’t is don't make a video that sucks. I know that should be a given and I do want to give people leeway because you've got to get started somewhere.  I create animated videos. And there's the opposite of that is the talking head video. And if you'll scroll through any social media platform, you will see countless talking head videos. So the don'ts for those is, don't skip the storyline. Don't go in without a script. Don't go in without a plan. And there's a lot of people that just hit the record button. So do your point. Have good audio. That's one key ingredient that a lot of people skip. We will watch a grainy video with a good message as long as it has good audio versus a Hollywood produced video with bad audio. We won't watch it. We'll turn that off. So make sure you get you invest a few bucks in a mic. Can you share with our listeners one of your most successful or favorite networking experiences that you've had? I can tell you about one of the very first networking experiences I had, and we'll talk about what worked and what didn't work there. It was a chamber of commerce leads exchange. It's kind of an entry level networking place where you'll go in for 60 seconds, everybody will introduce themselves and do their elevator pitch. Nobody told a story. Nobody asked how they could really help anybody else. I think the best overall out of all of them was a florist at the end, who hopped up told a story about how they had just helped somebody. And that was it. Everybody wants to go speak to him afterwards. And everybody blew off all the high-power folks with nice ties. How do you stay in front of or best nurture your network in your community? Primarily through content marketing that goes as much or more through email marketing and utilizing the LinkedIn messaging platform as much or more than anything. What works primarily is speaking to somebody as you would speak to them in real life removing all of the jargon, all of the sales pitches. Just speaking to somebody like you and I are having a conversation right now. If you will speak to somebody in a plain language in the way that you want to be spoken to, and you'll nurture the relationship, that way I send out one every couple of weeks, I'll throw in animated videos, or sometimes just text and sometimes I just ask them questions and hope to get a response. And that's an individual way it takes a little bit of time, but it's totally worth it, to reach out to people on a one on one basis. What advice would you offer that business professional who's looking to grow their network? Do it specifically. When I'm going out and making some new connections, I look specifically to people that I want to work with that are like clients that are my favorites, not necessarily even the highest grossing or highest revenue ones, but I tend to stick within a niche. So what you're wanting to do is find your tribe, so to speak, people you have a lot in common with. Look specifically for those people on your social media platform of choice. Or when you go to a networking event, don't go to just the generic ones that have one of every industry in it, go to a trade show, go to a convention of that target market and be the only digital marketing expert at the dry cleaners convention this year and be the one that talks directly to them about what they don't know. Let's go back to your 20-year-old self, what would you tell yourself to do more of, less of, or differently with regards to your professional career? With regard to the professional career, I would probably would have told him to consider getting an actual internship in a field to see if that's what you wanted to do or not. But quite frankly, a lot of the things that I got wrong, one of the things that I got right, was to allow myself to be open to whatever was going to come my way. I didn't have a clue what I wanted to be when I grew up, I just knew I liked people and I've been more into training and content creating ever since that point, so probably one of the better things I would have told him would be to study more and drink less. We've all heard of the six degrees of separation, who would be the one person that you'd love to connect with? And do you think you could do it within the 6th degree? Seth Godin. And surely I could, I'm connected with 17,000 people on LinkedIn. Look, I got a couple of high profiles on there. I might have a second-degree connection. Do you have any final words of advice to offer listeners with regards to growing and supporting your network? You want to be different. You want to speak to people in a way that you know resonates. Not speak down to them or try to sell them just talk to them the way you'd want to be spoken to make sure that you actually have a real niche and that you can clarify. Of course I'm going back again that's why I like animated videos so much and explainer videos because you can work those in there. How to connect with Charles: Website: http://www.yourcharlesalexander.com/ Email: charles@yourcharlesalexander.com LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yourcharlesalexander/

Hello, brilliant entrepreneur.  It's Tash Corbin here, and welcome to another episode of the Heart-Centred Business podcast. This is episode number 206, which means that all the relevant show notes and links will be available for you over at tashcorbin.com/206.  In today's episode of the podcast, I'm going to be sharing with you some signs that your niche is too big and how to refine your niche so you can scale your business with ease. Let's jump in! It is such a common question that people ask me, especially when they are in startup or wanting to scale their online business: "Why does my niche have to be so specific and so narrow?" You've probably heard some of those lovely catchphrases before, such as “the riches are in the niches” or one I like to use, “if you want to scale your reach, you need to know your niche.” These statements are trying to explain why niching is so important and why it's such an important part of online business in particular, but they don't give you a lot of detail. I want you to explain first and foremost why niching is so powerful when you are starting to grow your and scale your business online, and share some signs that your niche is just too big. Your niche is “whom you serve.” When I ask people what their niche is, sometimes they'll talk about being a kinesiologist, or helping people with social media, or being a Facebook specialist. Those things may be your service, but your niche is the specific group of people you focus on when you are marketing. It's important to understand that niching is not about who you could help with your products and services because, for a lot of people, their modality or service or product could help a wide array of people. Just because you can help everyone doesn't mean that your marketing should be that broad as well. So your niche is who you focus on when you are marketing your products and services. The more specific we make this, the more resonant your messaging can be. If you try and create messaging that speaks to anyone who could benefit from this, then it isn’t resonant for anyone in particular. A great example of this would be if you are a coach and you offer a one month coaching package that could help anyone who wants to make a life change – including leaving a partner, changing careers, going on a health kick, or starting a business. With this in mind, let’s compare the difference if you were to craft two ads: The first one says, “Do you want to make a big change in your life? Well, I can help you with transition coaching and here is how it can help you with that.”  And then you craft another offer that says, “Are you a woman who wants to change careers, worried you're just jumping from one bad job to another, and you want to make sure you do your career change wholeheartedly to maximise the results?” Now you might assume that a woman who is wanting to change careers would see both ads and resonate with both because she fits in the broad category of wanting to change as well as the very specific category of wanting to change careers. But the specific ad is the one that's actually going to stop and grab her attention because it's speaking to a specific experience. Put yourself in that person's shoes, seeing these two separate ads that look like they're from two separate providers. One says I can help you with any change you want to make. And another says, you want to change careers, but you're worried you’re making the wrong decision. Which ad would you be most drawn to?  It's the one that's hyper-specific. Not only is the one you're most drawn to, but from a pricing perspective, generalist coaching versus someone who really specialises in people changing their careers, people will pay more to work with the specialist. This is where niching is so powerful. By trying to speak to everyone, you deeply resonate with no one. Clients that you do get tend to see you as a generalist, and therefore it's more difficult to charge premium prices and be seen as an expert in the market, even if you are the best coach in the whole wide world! You will not be able to charge as much as someone who's just starting out as a coach but decides to go really specific. So you can see that it's really powerful, not only for your marketing, but also for your business growth and business model, and the way you’re perceived online. What are some of the signs that maybe your niche is too broad? 1. How you describe your niche. When you try to describe your niche, do you find yourself putting “slashes” in there?  I actually have a ban on slashes when we do niching work in my programs. It's a little bit of a joke because people try and find the sneakiest ways to get a slash in there. But if you say, “it's men or women,” or you say “maybe they're going through this or they might be going through that,” it’s just not specific, powerful niching. Even just by paying attention to the way you describe your niche helps you to see whether you’re being specific and clear enough, or are still just a bit unsure and trying to hedge your bets! 2. Can you specify your niche quickly and easily? You should be able to sum up your niche in five key decisions, and I'm going to give you those five key decisions in this podcast episode. If you are asked what your niche is and you give a broad sweeping statement like “busy moms,” that's not a niche! Or if you end up spending a few minutes trying to explain it, then chances are you aren't 100% clear, and you don't have a specific enough niche. 3. You use irrelevant demographics to narrow it down because you're not willing to narrow down in the most important ways. A lot of people, when asked to explain their niche, will say things like, “it's women aged between 35 and 42.”  They believe this is the way to get specific for their niche.  However, age range isn't a big influence on the way you market your products and services. Remember, your niche is whom you focus on when you're marketing your products and services. If it's not relevant, then don't include it as a demographic. Anther common niching misfire is using descriptions like, “she does yoga every day.”  This happens when you make up a picture of this person, and that’s what you see, so you think it’s a niche.  If you’re using weird niching descriptors that actually aren't relevant, then I would say your niche isn't specific enough. Instead, I recommend that you niche through three layers. The first layer is the demographic layer, and within that layer, there are two important decisions you need to make: women or men, and do they work for themselves, someone else, or are not working.  None of the other demographic decisions matter unless they're relevant to your services, so I wouldn't worry about them. The second layer of niching is psychographics. This includes their goals and dreams, their personality traits, etc. And then the third layer is a word that I totally made up, which is sensor graphics – meaning their five senses telling them what their lived experience is. I've also got five key questions or decisions you need to make about your niching that address those three layers in the most critical spaces.  I will get to that at the end of this podcast episode! 4. You’re not getting an “oh my goodness yes” from your audience. You want to create the feeling that you know their situation so well it’s almost like you were peeking in their window last night.  Almost like you know them better than they know themselves. That kind of feeling is totally possible when you have a really specific niche.  It helps people feel that you are the expert who is best to help them because you deeply understand exactly what they are experiencing right now. That is the power of niching. When I'm working with people, and they tell me they've got an issue with their marketing or their offers aren't selling or they don't know how to craft offers, or they don't know how to talk about their work or they're struggling with their messaging, the first place I go is niche. If you’re experiencing any issues with your messaging, your offers, the way you market, getting more reach, getting better conversions - start with reviewing your niche!  Check that it’s specific enough, because chances are it's not.  And most likely that is what's causing issues at the other layers of your business. By the way, you don't have to tell people what your niche is. It doesn’t have to be public, it’s just what determines your messaging and your offers. That is where you create resonance. Talking about a woman who's aged in her late 30s, and lives in such and such, and has her own business, and blah, blah, blah – this is not what creates the feeling that you understand me. It’s about actually crafting messaging and offers through the lens of knowing what that specific niche is that you're speaking to. So here are the five decisions that you need to make. Decision number one is gender. This can be contentious for people because you think you can help both men and women. But remember, your niche is who you focus on when you are marketing.  The way you market to men is very different from the way you market to women. Now, just a little side note here, as I am an intersectional feminist. In relation to gender identity, it doesn't necessarily need to be "born as a man" or "born as a woman."  So when I am identifying my niche, it's people who resonate with feeling mostly female, or mostly women, and / or non-binary. That is my descriptor, and I use womxn with an x as a way of clarifying that for myself.  I don't necessarily go out and share that publicly, but that is my descriptor. You don’t need to go out immediately and say, I work with women or I work with men. I just want you to make the decision when you are marketing.  Choose whether you are going to be focused on niching to men or niching to women. And if you niche to women, and a man comes along and wants your help and you want to work with him, you can. But that doesn't mean you then need to broaden your niche. Decision number two is job status. Again, this is critical in your demographics because of how it frames your messaging and your marketing. The job status decisions relate to whether this person has their own business or works for someone else or is not working.  You need to make a decision of one of those three things for niching. Decision number three is a trait. This is a long-lasting, permanent personality trait. You want to create a business with marketing and messaging that attracts the kind of people you want to hang out with and that you want to help. That trait might be extroversion, introversion, people who are hyper generous, or it could be people who are deeply creative. People who are colourful people, or are deeply spiritual, are deep thinkers, or they surround themselves with hundreds of hundreds of people. Think about the kinds of traits of people you like hanging out with - it doesn't necessarily need to be related to your business. For example, if you're a parenting coach, you could choose a personality trait of raging extrovert - it doesn't need to be specific to the work that you do.  Maybe they sell eco-friendly products, and that makes you really want to hang out with them. It may make them more open to your messaging. The trait that I chose is people who are really generous, people who give almost to a fault! I don't necessarily go out there and put it in my messaging.  But when I craft my messaging for offers, or choose the types of podcast episodes to create, or the type of language to use when discussing my products and services, I really want to speak to people in that space - the giving type people. That means the majority of people who come to work with me are in that space, not because I said you have to be a giver to work with me, but because my messaging really resonates with those types of people. It also means that it's a really great space to hang out in when you join my programs. And I absolutely love and adore everyone that I work with. They fit the other decisions that I've made, and so it's really easy for me to help and serve them. But we're all these beautiful givers, and it's just this really gorgeous connected community-driven space, and it makes my business a joy. Decision four is their priority goal you can help them to achieve. If your ideal client has a number one priority goal they're trying to achieve, and you can help them achieve that, start focusing on the core thing that's important to them. For my ideal clients, they want more clients, right? They want to make more sales. Yes, their business is more heart-centred and more aligned. But the core of why they want to work with me is because they want their business to be more successful. They want more paying clients, they want to serve more people. If I were to talk about creating a business with purpose, and sales that don’t feel sleazy, and all those sorts of things, without getting to the point of you making more money and getting more clients, then I'm just speaking around the periphery, and not getting to the core priority. That is the one thing my ideal client is looking for. Ultimately, you need to get to the core of your ideal client’s priority.  If their priority goal is to lose weight and you're talking about getting more energy, you are speaking at the periphery. If their priority goal is to make sales online and have a really simple, easy to use website, and you're talking about user experience and SEO, you're not getting to the point of what they want. There's a difference between your what your ideal client’s goal is, what their top priority goal is, (in their words), and what you can see is what they really need. Decision number five is establishing why they don't have it yet. For my ideal client, they want to be making more sales online. They really, really want to be serving more people. But there are so many things they need to do that it feels like marketing is too hard. See how simple and straightforward that is? It might be that your ideal client wants to lose weight, but they can't stick with any plan that they ever pick up. Or your ideal client wants to have a really easy to use website, but they don't have the budget to pay for a fancy-pants web developer.  Or they want to grow their reach on Facebook but think they need a $10,000 a month Facebook ads budget so they're just waiting till they have the budget. Or it might be that your ideal client wants to feel more aligned with their soul's purpose. You can see how the priority goal and why they haven't achieved it yet are so intertwined. When you're talking about the challenge, don’t talk about them "not knowing where to start," because if you are focused on trying to attract people who haven't even bothered to google it yet, then you're going to attract nightmare clients. Really think about why she is saying she can't get it.  Why is she saying she hasn't achieved it? Why is she saying she's not there yet? Because when you really deeply analyse that conversation and that part of your niching decision, that is where the gold is.  That is really where the juicy niching gold lies. Okay, so here are the five decisions again: gender, job status, personality trait, priority goal, and why they haven't got it yet. You can see when you make those five core decisions for your niche, you're hyper-specific.  Imagine how much easier it would be for you to craft resonant messaging and offers that convert when you made those five decisions. If you are finding yourself in natural resistance, remember - it's just, for now, it's not forever. Even just try an experiment for a couple of months.  What if for just a couple of months, you completely focused on this specific niche. Just see what happens. Trust me, it is so much easier, and your business grows so much faster. So if you would like to review that and make some more decisions about your niche to get 100% clear, and learn how to translate that into resonant messaging and offers, I have a super juicy offer for you. It’s my Fast-Track Your Start-Up training. Even when you've been in business for a while, if you are still not making those consistent sales, and you're struggling to articulate what it is you do, or you're struggling to craft offers that really resonate with people, I want you to go and watch this training. It will help you to see where you might have gaps in the foundations of your business, and get those plugged so that you can fast track the sales and the income you're bringing in in your business. It's available here: https://tashcorbin.com/fasttrack. And if you have any questions or "aha" moments, make sure you come over to the Heart-Centred Soul Driven Entrepreneurs group, and use the #podcastaha. Make sure you let me know you’ve been listening to podcast episode number 206! Until next time, I cannot WAIT to see you SHINE.  

Te Whatarangi Dixon is a man with much "Mana' (The Maori word that means to have great authority, presence to command respect). Despite his relative youth at age just 30 he has twice already stared his own mortality in the face.  He was the victim of Guellain Barre Syndrome or GBS for short. Guillain-Barre ) syndrome is a rare disorder in which your body's immune system attacks your nerves. Weakness and tingling in your extremities are usually the first symptoms. These sensations can quickly spread, eventually paralysing your whole body. In its most severe form Guillain-Barre syndrome is a medical emergency and in this case is what severe and meant Te Whatarangi was months in hospital. The exact cause of Guillain-Barre syndrome is unknown. But two-thirds of patients report symptoms of an infection in the six weeks preceding. These include respiratory or a gastrointestinal infection or Zika virus. Te Whatarangi lost all control over his body and literally watched his body fail and start to die while his brain remained fully conscious. The fear, the uncertainty, not knowing if he would live or die or if he lived if he would ever have any quality of life again or be trapped in a body that no longer worked sent Te Whatarangi through a long night of the soul. But he eventually emerged. Stronger, more resilient, more empathetic and more driven that ever before. This is a comeback story of survival and of love. The importance of family and how they helped him through. Te Whatarangi is now a qualified neuro-physio and knows exactly what his patients and clients are going through. He knows the battles they face and he guides them back on the path to their goals. Heartwarming and raw this interview will inspire you and make you grateful for the blessings you have.    Te Whatarangi's greeting to you all in Maori   Ko Putauaki te māunga Ko Rangitaiki te awa Ko Mataatua te waka Ko Ngāti Awa tōku iwi Ko Te Pahipoto tōku hapū Ko Wayne Haeata tōku matua Ko Kay Mereana tōku whaea Ko Blair Te Whatarangi Dixon ahau   I have come from very humble beginnings. I am a product of my whānau (family) and I would not be the man I am today without them supporting me every step of the way. Everything that I am and everything that I strive to be is a reflection of not only myself but my whānau. I represent them and I hope to make them just as proud as I am of them. I was diagnosed with Guillain-Barre Syndrome (GBS) in 2014 and again in 2019 where only 1 in 100'000 people are diagnosed globally with a 1% chance of contracting it twice. Always an optimist and through my journey of self-discovery having faced the possibility of my own mortality, I am now proud to call myself a Neurophysiotherapist. My journey has been challenging yet unique and I wish to share my story with the world in the hope others feel inspired and to allow their light to shine.   We would like to thank our sponsors for this show: For more information on Lisa Tamati's programs, books and documentaries please visit www.lisatamati.com For Lisa's online run training coaching go to https://www.lisatamati.com/page/runni... Join hundreds of athletes from all over the world and all levels smashing their running goals while staying healthy in mind and body. Lisa's Epigenetics Testing Program https://www.lisatamati.com/page/epigenetics/ measurement and lifestyle stress data, that can all be captured from the comfort of your own home For Lisa's Mental Toughness online course visit: https://www.lisatamati.com/page/mindsetu-mindset-university/ Lisa's third book has just been released. It's titled "Relentless - How A Mother And Daughter Defied The Odds" Visit: https://relentlessbook.lisatamati.com/ for more Information ABOUT THE BOOK: When extreme endurance athlete, Lisa Tamati, was confronted with the hardest challenge of her life, she fought with everything she had. Her beloved mother, Isobel, had suffered a huge aneurysm and stroke and was left with massive brain damage; she was like a baby in a woman's body. The prognosis was dire. There was very little hope that she would ever have any quality of life again. But Lisa is a fighter and stubborn. She absolutely refused to accept the words of the medical fraternity and instead decided that she was going to get her mother back or die trying. This book tells of the horrors, despair, hope, love, and incredible experiences and insights of that journey. It shares the difficulties of going against a medical system that has major problems and limitations. Amongst the darkest times were moments of great laughter and joy. Relentless will not only take the reader on a journey from despair to hope and joy, but it also provides information on the treatments used, expert advice and key principles to overcoming obstacles and winning in all of life's challenges. It will inspire and guide anyone who wants to achieve their goals in life, overcome massive obstacles or limiting beliefs. It's for those who are facing terrible odds, for those who can't see light at the end of the tunnel. It's about courage, self-belief, and mental toughness. And it's also about vulnerability... it's real, raw, and genuine. This is not just a story about the love and dedication between a mother and a daughter. It is about beating the odds, never giving up hope, doing whatever it takes, and what it means to go 'all in'. Isobel's miraculous recovery is a true tale of what can be accomplished when love is the motivating factor and when being relentless is the only option. Here's What NY Times Best Selling author and Nobel Prize Winner Author says of The Book: "There is nothing more powerful than overcoming physical illness when doctors don't have answers and the odds are stacked against you. This is a fiercely inspiring journey of a mother and daughter that never give up. It's a powerful example for all of us." —Dr. Bill Andrews, Nobel Prize Winner, author of Curing Aging and Telomere Lengthening. "A hero is someone that refuses to let anything stand in her way, and Lisa Tamati is such an individual. Faced with the insurmountable challenge of bringing her ailing mother back to health, Lisa harnessed a deeper strength to overcome impossible odds. Her story is gritty, genuine and raw, but ultimately uplifting and endearing. If you want to harness the power of hope and conviction to overcome the obstacles in your life, Lisa's inspiring story will show you the path." —Dean Karnazes, New York Times best selling author and Extreme Endurance Athlete.   Transcript of the Podcast:   Speaker 1: (00:01) Welcome to pushing the limits, the show that helps you reach your full potential with your host, Lisa Tamati, brought to you by Lisatamati.com Speaker 2: (00:13) You're listening to pushing the limits with Lisa Tamati. Today I have a guest to Te Whatarangi Dixon from Rotorua who is an amazing young man. He's a neurophysio something I'm very interested in. But he is also a victim of the Guellain Barre Syndrome. Very hard to say. We'll call it GBS. Now this is a syndrome that's a rare disorder in which the body's immune system, attacks your nerves, weakness and tingling in the extremities are usually the first sort of symptoms and the spread right throughout his body and it can be fatal. And he was certainly in deep die trouble for many weeks in the hospital and he shares his story today and his comeback journey. It's a really interesting, I'm very interested in people who have overcome the odds in comeback. Journeys for obvious reasons. And I think this journey just really that fax has been on is incredible and why he's tackled it in the way he's coped with it. Speaker 2: (01:09) He was then gone on because of this to become a neurophysio. So he's used what was a terrible thing in his life to do something good. So it was a real honor to have him on the show. I just want to remind you before we go over and talk to te there, my book is now available on audio. It's available on ebook, on Amazon on my website every which way you can get it now. Relentless. It's also in the bookshops. I had the greatest pleasure the other day when I walked finally into a shop and there was my book. So that was a pretty exciting moment. After seven weeks on lockdown, it's finally out there. So if you're interested in getting that, the book is called relentless and you can grab it on my book, my website at lisatamati.com Right now over the to the show with Te Whatarangi Dixon. Speaker 1: (01:54) Them. Speaker 3: (01:57) Well, hi everyone. Welcome back to the sharp pushing the limits. It's fantastic to have you back again. I am sitting with Te Whatarangi Dixon all the way over in the Rotorua. How are you doing mate? Good, thank you. Good. Thank you. Super excited to have you on the show. It's really cool. We've connected through your father in law who is a lovely man, Steven who I spoke for. He is a great man. He is a lovely man. And he just said, you've got to talk to my son in law. He's so interesting and I thought, yes, he is very interesting and I want him on my show. So today I was going to hear a little bit about Whatarangi and we're going to call them facts from here on. And and now Whatarangi is a equally a neurophysio. You're just just qualifying right now, sort of in the midst of finishing things up and getting him into a new career and job. Speaker 3: (02:49) But the reason, one of the reasons I want, I want to talk to you about that, but I also want to talk to you about you've got an inspiring comeback story. Can you tell us a little bit about GBS we, we you've had GBS twice and we're trying to pronounce it before Guellain Barre Syndrome, something like that. So yeah, it's a very big word. So we'll call it GBS and can you explain what that is and your, your journey with us a little bit and a little bit who you are for status. Speaker 4: (03:22) Yep. Okay. So my story basically starts from a little town called tickle. So that's where I'm actually from and my family is, and I grew up pretty much in the Bay. TNT. I think probably people will always think that my story is interesting is because Guellain Barre Syndrome or GBS as we call it is as 100, a hundred thousand people, I think contracted, well that's the neurological condition. And then basically a textual, your peripheral nervous system. So it's quite similar. That's how I kind of describe it to people. I'm totally on the stand that getting into the technical kind of tends of things is similar to that. You miss you miss the textural central nervous system either and GBS a textual peripheral nervous system. Wow. Cause people get what that is so they can proceed. It's kind of similar but there are differences. Speaker 4: (04:20) So I had a strength called ampersand, which is what's a text basically or your motor neurons. Annual sensory neurons. You can have different trends with the tech, just primarily your motor neurons or your sensory or I think he got five different Sharon's, I'm not, can't remember specifically about each one, but yeah, those two. Yeah. I had em send, so I took an attack my motor neurons in my, in my sensory neurons. But the potential for it to recover as higher because you have a special cell called Schwann cells in your peripheral nervous system and they can regenerate over time. So that's why if you have, if I wouldn't wish it upon anybody, but basically if you had GBS your what your and you and you were able to stop it from progressing, quite possibly, even people have, it can't be fatal. Speaker 4: (05:11) But if you at the interventions from the hospital placed on you I think within three to four weeks until you sat on told JPA starts to kind of overtake your body, you'll be lucky to recovering this quite high but post four weeks and you haven't had an intervention with they call it immunoglobulin therapy or plasma faceless where they basically take our, your white blood cells and replace it with others. Wow. so basically you'll be your pasta, your, your ability to recover. That's a lot higher with your peripheral nervous system because your central nervous system are made out of oligodendrocytes and that's what they make up are once they damage, they don't rip you. Wow. So if you about a motorway system, once you've got an issue major, such a major highway, so one roads basically destroyed, it'll never be recovered. Speaker 4: (06:05) You'll be able to actually try and tap into other areas and go off road and then come back on, wow, I want to kind of destroy their part of the road and we'll never recover. Whereas Guellain Barren Syndrom, once that Schwann cell is basically damaged, if they're forced to before the damage, its ability to, to re regenerate as higher Scwh is in. This isn't the bird Swan. Swan. So S C W H. Okay. So that's a german. SCWH. Okay. So how does it manifest itself in your body? So you've got the, luckily not the central nervous system one, but more of the peripheral. How did that sort of manifest and what were the symptoms? Okay, so for me in 2014 mindset of half the thing is they don't actually fully understand why it HIPAA or like what actually causes causes a bacteria virus. Speaker 4: (07:09) We don't yet, but they understand what happens to once it starts. What's a, what's a begins to happen. So for me how they described the words, I, I basically called a guarantee Stein bug basically a month before GBS kind of started to could have been related. I go to my body, yes. So what they, what they perceive as what happens, it's an auto immune disease. So I had discussion or anti Stein nonfiction and I recovered from that. But however, what happened is you obviously when you get sick, you build up your immune cell or your immune system starts to kick in and you build get your killer T cells and then eventually you'll have resistant T-cells to action to buy down the killer T cells. Cause they've already destroyed the bug. Yep. What's happened is in my immune system, my resistant T cells to to actually hinder and stop the killer T cells from producing and actually start to generate around the body, they don't actually start to kick in. Speaker 4: (08:12) So your immune system had all these killer T cells floating around. And then I think obviously then I just got another random cold bug about a month later. And because you had these killer cells, so floating around in my body, I'm talking kind of later and I used to help you find fully understand it's important. Yeah. And so basically what's happened is my immune cell, my immune system has decided to, they've got this new bug, these qualities are the floating around. I have no idea what to do with this new bug and all of a sudden have started to just manipulate itself and then attach in a tech my, my peripheral nervous system. So phone cells instead of that classic auto immune shoot all the goodies and the baddies at the same time. Yeah. So it spawns my, my immune system starts to attack my own body. Speaker 4: (09:03) Yep. Essentially. Yeah. And so you don't, you don't know whether it's coming from there you know, that that gastrointestinal thing or not, but quite likely that that's caused that caused this reaction in the body. Obviously when you, when you're sick, obviously you get increased inflammation, which means that increases your immune system. And so it just, just helps you like a, like a, like as if you're standing in front of her train. And so basically how mine started was I just started getting pins and needles and my peripheral, like basically in my hands and my feet. Yeah. And it slowly kind of, I started basically just getting pins and needles and it started gradually kind of coming out of my arm of my legs. And then I started losing sets on my sensory kind of went, went away first. So SABIC losing sensation. Speaker 4: (09:54) And then basically as it came up through my, through my feet and into my ankles, we have a thing called proprioception. And they basically tell us it helps you understand its joints on the stand we are in relation to space. And that's that it's to dissipate and actually kind of disappear for me. So I started losing balance. It wasn't anything wrong with my brain, it's just that I couldn't get the right signals from my feet and from the white bearings, my weight bearing joints to my brain to understand and tell my body where I was. I had that with mum, but from a brain injury. Yeah. And so she didn't know who she was away. She stopped the way the world started. Special awareness because it's very hard to explain. Yeah. So this all just started happening. I don't know why, what's happening? Speaker 4: (10:43) You just kind of just randomly came on. So I started losing sensation and eventually started losing weakness in my hands. My jaw. I just knew something was wrong. I went to the doctors. The first time when I started getting pins and needles actually seeping into a physio, like some form of nerve issue of my lower back or, or something. Cause at the time I had, I had an injury, I'm a little bit. Yep. So say me, the basically nothing happened. A week later it started getting worse. Went back to my GP. He doesn't know, he didn't know what was happening. Obviously we could have the GP and had, you know, had I had signs of symptoms, they kind of live on possibly being meningitis as well. Yeah. He's sent me into, he see me in hospital, showed away basically after their next visit. Speaker 4: (11:31) So this was two weeks after that sort of started happening. A huge and obviously because he sent me diagnosed me possibly with a hypothesis of possible, possibly meningitis. I was treated for meningitis when I got there. By winter it wasn't, it wasn't I went and had my spinal taps. Yeah, spinal tap generally for meningitis in GBS cause they do present quite similar if they, if they think so. They're trying to cross the cross all the T's. We then, and then as they actually, when I went into hospital, I started getting huge migraines. I was getting migraines and I was skinning photophobia. So I've kind of actually optimized the life would just penetrate and just give me huge headaches. So I, when I was presenting what's, you know, and that's even another sign of possibly being in Jarvis and migraines. I, however, I didn't have a rash. That was, I need public one real, something they usually would get from in a data cell. We then had my spinal tap done, went for a CT scan. And then I was isolated basically because if I'm in a ditis spread it out at this point they still didn't know what I actually had. They were just going on. You know, the signs and symptoms on me, possibly heavy meningitis skins fascination and hits the spinal tap, then CT scan. Speaker 3: (12:55) Yep. Carry on. Mum's bringing in the middle of the webcast. She always does. Everybody who listens to the podcast knows this is a key ring from Mark to carry on mate. Speaker 4: (13:08) Yeah. And then and then I'll, then they for a week nothing basically improved. So all the all the drugs that they go to me throughout the time to help me try and beat meningitis were working. I was getting worse and I started losing what I'd done in relevance to that. I was actually getting really weak, but I couldn't actually convey that to them because I started getting, you know, I started losing my, my, I couldn't breathe and I started, I get to be on a ventilation also just so much pain. So I started getting hyper sensitivity. So basically cold felt like hot hot, felt like cold, a polo felt like a waste of time. I felt like I was driving into into the beat. So when I was just lying on the bed, I felt like I was getting pulled down by gravity. So [inaudible] rotation or anything kind of going out of whack, you everything just becomes imbalanced and it might, your brain can not understand or what, and it's trying to rebalance itself. And in that process that's kind of having, it's actually being detrimental to your, to your ability to kind of actually understanding the world just cause everything. Like basically if you'll need to bombard your nurse to actually understand, you know touch smells like every foot of sensation that you can basically think of. Speaker 3: (14:27) We had for granted so much and we know that this is, yeah, something's touching my right hand or I'm feeling my left hand or, Speaker 4: (14:35) And then basically third weekend I had an MRI and then the neurologist was actually away at the time. So the neurologist said that was actually from the house and told him the hospital for us. He was a white, you ever sees on a, on a spent sabbatical at another hospital. And so the neurologist from Palm smelt was coming up two or three times a week. Yep. So he came up and he basically once they won't say best, so he thought busters, a meningitis B bike. And I started and I had an Ida, my sister in law, she found a possible link to being something more neurological because I had this window of opportunity. We actually felt, you know, everything kind of normal, a little bit full for a time. And I asked Glen to kind of do some, do some assistance on me, who's my sister in law. Speaker 4: (15:25) She's now registered, now open a hospital. Wow. and she just chose a fifth year medical student at the time and she just done some systems on me and she felt my reflex is going through. I couldn't, my sensation was, was basically gone and she just went straight to straight to my consultant. My consultant got the neurologist to come in and they're all just basically look there, make straight away any new show way that ITVS basically Australian. I went straight into HDU. I was throwing spirometry, so I actually checked around my lung capacity was gone of the migraines. They organized for me to go for an MRI just to see what type of thing my body information was. And all of my, you know, all of my CRP scans, we were just through the roof. White blood cell counts were through the roof. So they knew that your, your menu system, but they couldn't, they didn't know what was happening on it. And obviously people, it's so rare you know, you, you come across that every, I don't know, once or twice in your lifetime. Speaker 4: (16:33) Okay. So now you're, you're in the, the finally worked out does it, is this thing. Yep. What sort of a battle did you have on your hands then? I was in the battle. Basically, they're trying to save my life. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. So my, my, basically my, my lungs started to shut down. I immediately went down to about 50% capacity. As soon as I went into HDU I was intubated with mechanical ventilation to the full Monte, so conscious, so my brain's still, they're not just getting migraines. Stuff's like, it's still kind of occupational life. Nothing's happening mentally. It's all just the, my physical body shutting down. I can't move. I started all like, basically I lost all control of my bowels and whatnot as well. So there was things we didn't see wise. It was just, it just, everything went away. Speaker 4: (17:29) So like a massive brain damage. Yeah, something's happened to the brain, but it's just a little bit, it's just my, my peripheral nervous system is shutting down. So I was 23. Wow. I was 20. It started 2014 and yeah, so that, that all happened aren't you baited? And they basically, they started me on what they call immunoglobulin therapy, which is basically other people's antibodies. So, and that's about $1,500 a bottle. And I had about, I don't know, I think it was a call center of over five days, three bottles a day. Sorry, I'm trying to overpower it with, with normal white blood cells. Yeah. So basically trying to combat my immune system so they're pumping and you know what white blood cells from other, basically it's basically a blood transfusion into my body to basically, it can't stop DBS, it can only spoke. Speaker 4: (18:41) So the progress of it. So like I said before, you know, these, they're four week kind of if their month window that month window to try and stop it to get possibly from being a fatal condition. So I was in the third week, halfway through the three weeks, so they just water them. And you know, I already got to the stage where basically I was a vegetable and basically I was just trying to save my life. So I was intubated, heading immunoglobulin, stuck to a wall hours days. And I was in the hospital for about three months in ICU for about a month and a half. And then I went up to just the general ward. So it was amazing. So once they open up here, but it's just a waiting game, you can't really, you can't do much, they can do something else. Speaker 4: (19:30) You can do. You just watch you just hoping that, you know, me being a young kind of 24 year old at the time, it was going to kind of, that was going to be in a box, which to me, thankfully it was. It was. Yeah. And that's very grateful. Someone under the age of basically 50, 40, 50 to get genius. Wow. cause you, have, you got, you know, I, I love diving into the body. Do you think you have a predisposition to immune and overreactive immune system? Have you even thought about functional genomics and doing some testing along that lines to see? Well, you know, I've always thought that I'd always thought about looking at basically my DNA cause but you know, when I look at my, look at my look at my family, but I look at my family history, I've got none of that in my family. No kind of history of a neurological emission. We've got you know, quite a, the only thing we probably have in my family is the Alzheimer's cancer in our family. We don't have you know, you know, really what do you call it? Systemic kind of conditions, you know, mommy and my family have died of heart attacks. I think one. Yeah. [inaudible] Speaker 3: (20:50) We've got type two diabetes, but that's not genetic. That's just, you know, your modifiable risk factors that you can change. Well there is genetic fathers did it as well. Yeah. But it would be interesting. I mean I'm just fascinated by functional genomics and looking at understanding of why your immune system would kick into overdrive and actually cause an S is this likely to happen again? Not GBS. Well, we'll get to that in a minute, but you know, for other immune responses now here on land. Yeah, I'll definitely be interested in looking at research that we can. When I'm working with the DNA company and I've had dr mincer on the say they've just opened their labs up again and it'll be a few months before I'm qualified. But I can definitely connect you this if you want to have a look at that just to, I mean it's, I think it's something that everybody should do once in their life anyway. Speaker 3: (21:49) Yeah, it's fantastic, Dan. The stain, it can definitely help you plan and prepare for your future. Not stupidly, but just preparation was, you know, you'll tell him to stay on what's happened. Like what could possibly happen for you and what, you know, change it while you can change in regards to modifying your lifestyle to be able to enjoy, enjoy your, you know, your quality of life to the full extent. And even like things like, and this is getting a bit off topic, but you know what medications you might interact with in a, in a bad way or you know what your detox pathways are like. So do you need to be super vigilant when it comes to outside toxins, that type of thing or your hormone pathways or everything like that is involved at, so it's pretty, pretty, pretty good information to have. It's like, I reckon it should be like passport. Speaker 3: (22:43) So you have it, you know, and then you take the interventions to stop problems. But back, back to give a story. So you, you, you're fighting for your life now in your, you've, you've gotten through that really bad, horrific stage. How were you mentally coping with us as a 23 year old when you started to come back to life, if you like what you've been through, this traumatic, horrific experience. Have you dealt with that? You know, I've probably, I'm a very optimistic person, just like as a put my personality. I have a very optimistic look and I'm just in life in general. It was really tough. So at the challenge me a lot I wish I knew my wife, that's, it would've been easier, definitely been easier. You know, just being, you're being 23 and I'm very much a mum mama's boy. Yeah, absolutely. Nothing wrong with that. And my mum at the time Speaker 4: (23:47) You know, after raising my brother, my sister and I her entire life as a single mother. Wow. yeah, it's off to half. Yeah. I have a lot of, a lot of things in life. She was in Spain, so she decided, you know, how all of us, we're all growing up, we're living our lives. We started our new careers and, you know, looking, you know, what's going on in our own adult lives. If you took this opportunity, you know, to actually just enjoy this and go off on another Valium sabbatical for six, seven months over in Spain, lift my lift, my stepdad, he just say, I'm going to Spain. I'm going to go off and have all that. And she was basically two months in over there, and then they'll say, great. Trip as well. You know, I tried to, we rang basically nearly ever tried to ring every night through Oh, he used to be called Viber, you know, the original kind of. Yep. I guess. And you know, I basically said to every single time, as hard as it was to me, just to say on the phone was, you know, I said, I kept on saying to mum, don't come back. I'm going to beat this. And I'm not gonna pray, I'm not going to buy as much as I probably cried a lot of the time thinking that I was going to die. Speaker 4: (25:17) Yeah. To face your own mortality though, I mean ridiculously young age you know, like how do you see that now? What's your relationship with it now? I mean it's a pretty hard thing to buddy. Others that's I think I look at it more is I don't ever look at it as a, it's a fear concept. I probably look at it as a, as an opportunity to kind of, like I said, like before we even started a podcast, that's just an opportunity to actually still learn. Even though, even though I was going through this, I was like knocking it, if I get through this, what am I going to learn from this? So that's how I actually probably got me through. A lot of it was, you know, I'm not going to let this beat me, so what can I do with my life if I, you know, not if I was going to, it's like I was spicy. Speaker 4: (26:06) I was trying to tell myself that I wasn't going to, but you know, facing, facing that possible. Yeah, it was either I have my down moments. You know, you sometimes you're probably just thinking about wanting just to give up because it was just so that was quite hard and you know, seeing my family and my family and my family just probably, which has definitely been, you know, my Maori being from a Maori family, my and my mum overseas, I'd always had someone next to me. So yeah, my aunties, my uncles, my brothers, my sisters, my Dad, they all kind of took their time out of their days to kind of one at a time, go on a roster and just be there 24, seven basically, isn't it? It's so important to have that support. Yeah. And you know, like I'm a big, I'm a very holistic kind of person. Then before MALDI back home we have a thing called all, you know, like mother that can be, and so basically in anything, so a person, an object or you know, any inanimate kind of thing. But by them being there, they actually predicting them announcing me, if that makes sense. Absolutely makes sense. You know, if I didn't have them, I don't know if I'd even be here. Being beside your loved ones and having walking with them and their dark times is just so, so, so crucial. Like very family orientated person. So yeah. Speaker 4: (27:36) And you got a good one. I didn't have them beside me. I don't think I definitely would not have probably made it on my own. Because they were actually my thyroid, my motivation to actually fight and fight cause you need to fight, you need to fight when you're in deep, deep trouble and to find that fight when you're in pain and in, in terror and fear and all the rest of it. And the reason probably why I say I would show my wife at the time was because she's actually given me that strength and power to actually on the same or separate afflictions. Yes. I never actually fully understood it and she comprehended it. So I was obviously me being a 20 young, 23, all these just think of the physical aspects of life. And I never really considered, you know, how impactful the mental side of things, the emotional side of things and the spiritual side of things. Speaker 4: (28:25) But it's actually, she really helped me also is actually trying to understand who I am, what my identity is. Wow. I shocked. Cause if I had that back then as well, you know, I definitely would. Mmm. Fully understand and actually I would have been a hell of a lot better position to actually get full without ever even thinking or considering those kinds of things I would consider and think about them, but I wouldn't have, I wouldn't, you know, consume me. Yup. Yup. If they make sense. So I'm a big believer in if you have a strong, I didn't say even cultural identity, if you understand who you are, yeah. It gets you through. So, and that's, you know, being honest to yourself, being yeah, even on the others. And just taking them one step at a time, you know, it's not going to, you need to fully appreciate it. Speaker 4: (29:17) I understand that sometimes you do need that time to just kind of look at yourself and understand who you are. Cause if we don't, then you struggle. So this has brought you wisdom beyond your years really, isn't it? Yeah. So, okay, so, so you, you were in the rehab now for over a year trying to come from this thing and what was that better like? Like was it like coming back from a stroke or a brain injury? Was it like that now? Yeah, so basically it was really weird. So for me, I actually quite enjoyed it, but obviously obviously food through. I, I enjoyed the rehab, but the time that I was in the hospital, that was the tough part. So yeah, it wasn't until I probably got past it every elevation there point where I knew I wasn't going to buy. Yeah. Basically once they, once their fear of my own mortality here to pass, I was, you know, basically they basically told me, I was like, I've been in it and now all I have to do is put the work in. Yep. So be able to give myself from where I am right now, being dependent and now becoming, you know, my independent self again. Wow. I'm still alive so I'm stoked. Speaker 4: (30:39) I'm going to fight like crazy to get better. So I'd never looked at it as being, you know, I never looked at myself as being disabled ever. Maybe sometimes I maybe shouldn't because I know I probably pushed a lot of stress and, and you know I'm on my family when I was going through it there first time cause I, you know, obviously I think we forgot to mention them. I got this last year as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is what we've got to get to yet. So, yeah. So that, you know, I wish I probably was able to be honest. If I say, you know, on, on basically my family going through a lifetime because I know how stressful it was for them to kind of see me in that position and all they wanted to do was just help me and all in all I would do was just kind of internalize it and just keep it to myself and say, no, I almost went homeless and do it myself. Speaker 4: (31:36) Right. But, you know, that was a very selfish thing. Like when I look back on it, it's a very selfish approach that I had on it, even though I know they called me it. But that's because I was only ever thinking about the physical side of things still because you were young and I was young and you know, for me, being a 23 year old, you know, the physical side of life, very, very important. And being a man, you know, you messed the and he gets challenged and it was very, very hard to kind of get through that without ever feeling like I was burdening my family. So, you know, and that way when I look at it now, I, that was the wrong approach. But yeah, so basically once I got past, they pointed at this past the point that I wasn't going to be, that wasn't going to die. I was in hospital until basically I was my, I wasn't head. I took out the mechanical ventilation and I started doing some form of physiotherapy in the hospital and then they had organized me to go to a festival or a Ferguson. I know I Speaker 3: (32:40) Tried to get mum in there, couldn't get her and sorry. Speaker 4: (32:43) I got, I don't know where I got my funding from yeah since I was three months in hospital. And my rehab basically consisted of a lot of it was orientated around my goals and what I wanted to reach back to. However, when I read what I really enjoyed about lower foods, and it's basically like a campus that's a rehabilitation campus and it's for people that are under the age of 60. So it's not a, it's not a retirement village. It's actually for people that are, wants a big goal, be there long term. They had some of them who have long term conditions and took some of them terminal to a certain extent, but they're all there for the purpose of what's in there. Try and get better. Speaker 3: (33:29) Love that. I love that. Yeah. I did try to get my mum in there. She was too old to get there and we couldn't get funding and so on. But it did feel like a place where you were going to actually do something because I must say you're a neurophysio now, so we'll get to that shortly. But I must say the physio care that we had in the hospital was nothing short of atrocious. Yeah. I could have done it in my sleep. I think they went, they'd eat the lunch. That's pretty harsh. But that's, that's how I felt. Speaker 4: (34:02) And it's, it's really hard when I think about that because they are quite restricted in a lot of what they can provide. You know, me being like going through placements in one note as well in the hospitals, they all want to change how they approach things on the hospitals. That's why they're trying to implement, you know, code rehabilitation, gems and whatnot there as well to get more involved. But at the same time it's really tough because systems at the system is built around, you know, you've got so many patients that you have to see on a ward and you've got what, 10, 2030, 30 minutes at the met with them. Speaker 3: (34:41) I must say I must, I must re repair what I just said. The ones that were came round to us on the ward during the acute phase were lovely. Awesome. Yeah. When we were later put into the rehab with mum I fought to get her back into the system to get, you know, cause they said at the beginning she's never going to do anything again. We're not going to bother basically. And I fought and after a year I got her back in for two times a week and there was atrocious. And I felt like a box ticking exercise. The ones on the ward were different. They were very passionate and really, really wanting to help. So in, and this is no indictment on any one person or thing, but there was a systemic problem and there is a systemic problem with the way that the, the things are run at least an hour, the, our hospital and the way that you are judged, I remember and don't want to take her out for the interview, but six weeks she had as a block of two times a week. Speaker 3: (35:43) And honestly what she would do in that six weeks I would have done in a day with her. The tests that they tried to put her through, she was intimidated. She felt like a school girl, so she was not interacting with them. Because they were very judging her all the time, whether she should continue in the program. And at the very end of the program, they had a big panel where they all came in to decide your fate, whether you'd be considered to continue in the program. And they, they talked to me not to hear who's sitting next to them and says she's below the level of the worst dementia patient we've ever seen. You know, she's never going to do anything and this is a waste of time. And I turned to my mom and I said, well how does that make you feel mum? Speaker 3: (36:28) And she said, you know, well I was feeling quite empowered until I came in here. Now I feel totally, you know, down before. And they just looked at me and then jaws drop cause I had never heard her speak because they had never spoken to her as a intelligent person. So she had responded because she was intimidated by that medical setting and I knew that she was a nurse. I knew she had a, you know, stuff going on and she was intelligent and she was coming back. I believed in her and I just said to them, you can stick your program up there somewhere. I'm going to bring my mum back. And I did. From that point on I was like, right there is no help. I will go and do this all myself. And that's, you know, that's, that's just that particular bunch of people in one particular place. And that's not an indictment on them all. But that was, that was quite sad. And then I had a wonderful neurophysio. So let's get onto your neurophysio cause you've gone down this path now after going through this. Was that the reason that you went and studied neurophysiology? Speaker 4: (37:35) Yeah, definitely swung my Martha sessions that go that way. Yeah. I wasn't actually through PSI. I had an amazing neurophysio and when I went, when I was at Laura, focus on the reason why I decided to go down this path though you know, it was just, she just knew how to push me in the right ways and I wanted to do that for other people. And even when I was at Laura Ferguson, I met so many amazing people that had never asked the, you know, to have a stroke, to have no image, to have Huntington's disease, to have pockets. And so, you know, they never, never, they never asked for that. And just to be able to have it's just you know, the, the, the thing I think about the most is people, there's dependent, you know, if you're, if you lose your independence, I feel that's the huge, like the biggest thing as a human, you don't read it like it, it's that old cliche of, you know, you don't know what you have until it's gone. Speaker 4: (38:36) And so basically it's a pout. Somebody that does the pendant become independent again. That's the most rewarding thing that I can even think of from from, from absolutely. When I, when people ask me why I wanted to become a pussy, I say there's three things. So one of those I knew I always wanted to help people work from a health perspective. And originally I actually wanted to become a doctor and do medicine. So they laid onto their leads onto my second reason. That was the reason why I toasted the physio and it's purely because I probably had hit the, you know, Gordon, she was amazing. I'm going to start her name out there because she is amazing. They she made me understand that being a physiotherapist you just were able to have. And there's just this natural and therapeutic relationship that you just can't have as a doctor is, you know, as a relationship proficient. Speaker 4: (39:34) Yeah. Your ability to be able to have those real deep connection with, with your patients was like, there was, that's the reason why I really got back to where I am today because of that. So, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm a very people person. So having that intense of kind of relationship with each other collectively, you know, having that shared goal of kind of getting to that, to that same, to that shared place where they want to, that they want to achieve. As you know, second to none. It's a bond for life really, isn't it? I can see how much you love and respect what she did for you and how much it means. And this is why it's on me to becoming a physiotherapist rather than a doctor. The complete opposite of like, I had a neurophysio too who came to our house afterwards and he was wonderful. Speaker 4: (40:31) He gave me the belief that we could do this. He gave me the basic tools so that I could work every day with here cause I couldn't afford obviously everything. But he gave me the information that I could then put that into practice on a day by day by day basis. It's really common sense. It's just being able to apply it in the right way and try to break movements down. Now how do you teach someone to, I specifically look at it in three ways, you know, narrow cause as I think of it as he got function, strategy and impairment, that's basically, that's, that's my, that's like my go to for anything basically. So you know what you wanna achieve as function, you have strategies to achieve that function and then by you have an impairment which affects the strategy to be able to perform the function. Speaker 4: (41:18) Yes. Yep. So obviously the goal is function by why you have to do a specifically time work on the impairment and then effectively your strategies should try and improve and then you start, that's how you progress to the next kind of thing. And then, then what happens is you'll be able to perform their function again. It's like a soap tech. I'm like, I'm trying to simplify it, but that's how I try and approach things. Yeah, no, that makes absolute sense to me. Yeah. That's like free three steps and there's a variety of ways of how you can integrate your treatment methods. So there's a variety of treatment methods that you can use, but that's the ultimate call it, that's the, that's the basis of it that I run by. Wow, I'm going to bring them up to see you one day, what's the next thing I can do with it? Speaker 4: (42:06) So they basically, when I funded, when I recovered, I decided to become a therapist. So I enrolled into A A T and started in 2016. Obviously because I got a dog, cause 2015 had already started because I had a bit of paper and I just kinda wanted to give them my stuff that either actual year where I just worked and just got back on it to actually get back to normality. And then I decide to go on on the intake in 2016. And AAT is now I'm gonna fly should be an, it should be an advertisement for them or something. Yeah. Yeah. They're amazing. So I love that. I love being a part of that. They invest like the way our lectures were, they all came from a clinical experience. They weren't, they were heavily based on the theory. Speaker 4: (43:02) So, you know, they, they basically, they, they pushed down a farts to be able to have a clinical reasoning. And maybe I want to think on a fetus practitioners as clinicians, I want us to be clinicians. They want, they don't want us to be bookworms and lab and just writing, research things out all the time. Cause at the end of the day, you know, our, we're providing a service and we want it to be based around real good quality service. Not just, you know, anyone go on Google and find out and do this, you know, you know, I can do that. We want it to be able to, so they've really and forced their kind of encourage and encourage that type of learning. So it was very practical. And I'm a very practical kind of person. And it's really weird, you know, obviously when I was going through my rehab with his 2014 and they're learning and become in basically going through my physiotherapy degree, I look back on when I was through my rehab and I could see all the little tricks that you said. They will create these signs and your physio you create like the games and really it's actually, it's an objective measure for being. So I didn't really realize that it was actually like a, she's, she's testing me but I didn't know that. Wow. We've got them on or big take tests in all photos just to help me with like picking up things and putting them in. But secretly she had been timing me. Speaker 4: (44:37) She had made it basically. She made a lot of things cause I'm very sport all of my sports. So she made a lot of things in the games like paying the, we you know, you just, you can be as creative as you like as a neurophysio just to get that function back. Yeah. and you know, you learn, you learn basically all the main three, which is cardio, musculoskeletal and neuro. You always remember the principles of all three. Highly effective when you come out of uni, you kind of the side, we really want to kind of stop that all like basically to down and down. And so I obviously obviously matches. Obviously neuro, I do have a miscarriage. I do like that as well. And most people do do musculoskeletal. That's like your normal, full possessive, your body. Everybody knows about. Speaker 4: (45:28) But yeah, my interest is always possibly always going to be neurons just purely from an empathetic point of view. Having that rewarding feeling of being able to help someone get from a to B and just being a part of their journey with them. Yeah. They've ever wanted to be a credited with any of the, you know, them getting there. It's because it's all in. It's just being able to share their journey with them. But it's amazing to be able to, to provide that framework for people to, to learn from and to grow from. And so I just wanna like wrap up in a few minutes, but I want you, you got this again. Yes. You went through this whole thing again in January this year. Speaker 4: (46:12) August last August, 2019 so I was the special 1% of the entire world to get GPS twice. Wow. That's insane. It's super, super unlucky. But this time I have my wife, yes. Father-In-Law. I can never be grateful and thankful enough for them because this time, at least they, we knew what we were dealing with and we see Australia and stuff. It was just a lot and was still very tough and I still kind of, you know, internalized a lot of things. And you know, that, that same thing that the last time when I kind of found my cell phone with regards to my, you know, challenging my masculinity and keeping things internalized, trying to get through myself instead of feeling like I'm burdening everyone else with what's going on with me. But you know, Claire and Steven definitely helped me get through that. And I should apologize to my wife because I know it's probably very, very, very tough on it. Anyone you love and when you're going through hard times, you're always going to have moments where you didn't do what you wanted to do. When you look back afterwards. I mean, I've had times like with where I've been, like Speaker 3: (47:30) Afterwards gone, shit that wasn't good behavior, you know, on my behalf and, or you think, you know, but you're just in a desperate state of exhaustion and fatigue and the grind of it all and you did things that you're not surprised of. Now, you know, in my case where you think, you know, we have yelled at her for something or you know, just gotten frustrated and gone, Oh for goodness sake, you know, and then you're like, that's Speaker 4: (48:03) Time is as much as I was plus time round. It was amazing. Effectively Steven was my head of Gordon the farm. That's, you know, we went, we went to the polls basically three times a week and we went into the hospital twice a week. And he was the one basically taking me through all of my exerciser and whatnot and you know, clearly had to obviously go to work every day. But at the end of the day, she's like my biggest inspiration, the person that I aspire to be like, cause she knows who she is. She sounds awesome. Gotta meet. He's he always makes me want to be a better person or just a better man. Yeah. She, she sees me like she, she can, she sees through me if they make sense, she feeds me. She knows me better than I did myself. Yeah, Speaker 3: (48:52) You can be, you can be real with her too. You, you are who you are and she loves you for all the, all the good, the bad and the ugly. And isn't that what it's a wonderful thing. Yeah. Speaker 4: (49:05) Well the whole my kids look, I mean to me I couldn't make it bad side loss basically up to my elbows, into my knees as time. So I still had function and my, you know, basically my, it wasn't as bad, but it was still GBS even still take like six to seven months before I can actually, he's coming out the other end of this couldn't have been on myself. Yeah. Speaker 3: (49:31) Right. We're gonna wrap up now. What's the message? You know, there's a couple of good messages that have come out of today saying like, as a, as a young Mari, you know, men, you've faced us with amazing strengths and the wisdom that you are beyond your years. I mean, what are you now, 29, 2030 29 30 turning 30 wisdom beyond your years because of what you've been through and that is going to help so many people and your career and what you, what you do. And I'm very excited as it is. I know Steven is to see where you go in life because you know the power and the money that you already have now because of what you've experienced and your openness and your thing. I just think it's fantastic. And you're going to really be empowering lots of other people going through and this is probably, you know, your life's call and you know, is to help people and to do this and to share your story. You know, I think it's important. So this is hopefully the first time you were sharing it and won't be the last, I guess Speaker 4: (50:37) My take home is search after everything that I've been through with everything and all the people that I met. And then I have my wife and Steve and everyone inclusive my family. I think the biggest thing for me will be I think I'll probably look at it at this time of the kind of leader that I want to be like. So it's really, as I said before, it's being able to understand and having their perception of others, you know, never worrying, never caring about the perception of myself. You'll never, if you, if you can understand the perception of others you want to have, you always have an empathetic point of view on my fear. You'll be able to actually stand on the feet, stand in their shoes, sorry. And then understand, tied on the stand, what they're going through and instead of a sympathetic point in life, because at a point when you can become too sympathetic in not feeling sorry for them and then that's not going to help them at all. Empathetic, sympathetic. So that's the kind of leader that I want to be like. And that's what I want to, Speaker 3: (51:41) You're well on your way to doing that and you have a lot of money. You can see it. It just comes out through the screen. So thank you very much for sharing so openly and honestly today, your journey because it is empowering to other people who are going through difficult times. And this is, you know, part of the job of the show is to educate people around, you know, health and fitness and the latest science and the latest stuff. But also to make us understand like we're all human and we all have these feelings and we can get through tough times strategies and tools to do that. And you obviously found a few along the way. So I wish you well and you know, I'm excited to see where you go mate. And any last words, any last words before? Speaker 4: (52:29) Speaker 3: (52:35) Love it. Thanks. Thanks. Bye. Speaker 1: (52:37) That's it this week for pushing the limits. Be sure to write, review and share with your friends and head over and visit Lisa and her team lisatamati.com.

Sponsored by EzoicShow Notes:I've done the dumbest stuff imaginable in an effort to scoop up Google traffic.Let me tell you about one example that if there were a Google penalty Darwin awards, I might just win.The year was 2011.I owned a couple niche sites making decent money. I even won a free treadmill for selling the most treadmills as an affiliate.I've used it twice.I spent more time spinning content for link building software than publishing good content.Flush with success with spinners ad software, I decided to tackle something bigger. I was invincible; a visionary SEO.The reverse phone lookup niche.CPA affiliate offers were plentiful. All people had to do was fill in a form to look up cell phone numbers and I earned money. In theory that is.I had a plan.My eyes were bigger than my stomach.My plan was to target every town and city in the US With 50,000 or more people. That amounted to hundreds of pages which you guessed it, would have the same content.Surprise surprise the entire site was deindexed before it made a nickel.That's my sad story for the day.That is also how NOT to publish article clusters.What is a cluster?A series of articles that cover a topic in-depth.Reader question:Keyword cannibalism. You say to carpet bomb a popular topic. So if I have a post on, say, X, would it hurt to use the same keyword X in multiple posts? Do I need to use long tail keywords?I am confused because I have heard from others NOT to reuse the same keyword or your overall ranking for that post will drop.Keyword cannibalization is bad.Duplicate content (similar articles on the same site) is bad.Publishing the most thorough, in-depth series of articles on a topic is good.Short answer: It is perfectly okay to include the same seed keyword in multiple articles. The long tail aspect of it will determine whether the articles are the same or different.How do you determine if two long tail keywords are the same or different?The answer is you must assess user intent. Fancy words for a simple concept.When I'm considering two long tail keywords and whether they are essentially the same or different I ask myself "when people search both phrases, are they essentially seeking the same information or is it totally different?"Here's an example.Seed keyword: Ice creamThat's a big keyword weighing in at 328,000 monthly searches. There are many long tails that could and should form many different articles.But let's start with an example of two ice cream long tail keywords that are essentially the same based on intent:Ice cream recipeHow to make ice creamWhile those two phrases are different, the meaning is the same. One person searching for "ice cream recipe" is looking for the same thing as another person searching with "how to make ice cream".Now, here are examples of long tail keywords, all with ice cream in it, that could be individual articles with no threat of cannibalization because they are very different topics.Ice cream recipeThe history of ice creamIce cream brandsGelato vs. Ice CreamIce cream vs. SorbetThe best vegan ice creamIce cream truck song lyricsHow long does ice cream last?Can dogs eat vanilla ice cream?Can you have ice cream on keto?The best ice cream maker​You get the point.

What's up and welcome to the Fitness Business Foundations Podcast! Join me every episode where I bring on actual facility owners and specialty experts to share their story and insights to help you move your own journey forward.Today I am bringing you a conversation with special guest Kristin Hedstrom! She has not only an amazing story that brought her into personal training to begin with, but powerful insights around how she has been able to successfully transition her personal training business fully online. Now to the point where some of her clients are asking to continue moving forward with the new level of service even after things open back up. That is why I am excited to share this conversation with you so you can take away some insights from Kristin's journey to apply to your own.More on today's guest Kristin Hedstrom:I grew up as the chubby kid picked last in gym class. After trying countless sports, I foundrowing and loved it. That kicked off a 15-year career through high school, college, and 8 years rowing for Team USA. I competed at 7 World Championships and the 2012 Olympic Games. I've won six international medals as a lightweight rower. I'm now empower women to find balance and get control of their health through personal training and weight loss coaching.Fun Facts:I'm married to another Olympic rower. We live in the Bay Area and invest in out of state real estate. When I'm not inspiring women, you can find me cooking up a storm!Where to connect with Kristin:Website: https://www.kristinhedstrom.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kristinhedstrom/Don't miss out on the Fitness Business Foundations Virtual Summit Series! Our first full day kicks off on June 6th! I am bringing you top level speakers and content to help you truly build a solid business that can withstand any economic situation.Want to get notified first? Join our action takers list! As a special bonus for taking action will will get access to a bonus day coaching session with a few of our expert speakers!Put Me On The Action Takers List!

Michelle Oates: A promise tomorrow is worth a lot less than trying today. I am Michelle Oates, and I'm a Tri Cities influencer. Paul Casey: The love of comfort is the enemy of greatness. Okay, you can choose one or the other. You can't choose greatness and comfort. You have to choose one or the other. Speaker 3: Raising the water level of leadership and the Tri Cities of Eastern Washington, it's The Tri Cities Influencer Podcast. Welcome to the TCI Podcast, where local leadership and self leadership expert, Paul Casey, interviews local CEOs, entrepreneurs and nonprofit executives to hear how they lead themselves and their teams, so we can all benefit from their wisdom and experience. Here's your host, Paul Casey of Growing Forward Services, coaching and equipping individuals and teams to spark breakthrough success. Paul Casey: Thanks for joining me for today's episode with Lance Kenmore. He is owner of the Kenmore Team. And I'm going to let him tell you his fun fact that he even asked his wife and assistant about. Lance Kenmore: Yeah. So that was a great question that you said, something quirky about me. And I don't know if it's all the years of going in different people's houses or what, but I do not like lingering food smells in the office. I mean, if someone goes to Bruchi's or something, or Burger King, leaves some fries in the office, I will take the garbage out myself to get rid of it. And so the office is always laughing at me, and whenever we hire somebody new, they always tell them, "Watch yourself with the food you put in the garbage," and so- Paul Casey: That's your onboarding thing to remember. Lance Kenmore: Yeah. So I'm slightly OCD about that. And there was talk that it might be more than slightly. Paul Casey: Well, thanks. That's one of the best ones yet. Lance Kenmore: Okay, well, good. It smells great in your studio, so I'm not concerned about it. Paul Casey: No distractions. Lance Kenmore: Yes. Paul Casey: We'll dive in after checking with our Tri City Influencer Sponsor. The C12 Group is a national organization focused on spiritual and professional development of Christian CEOs and business owners. Members participate in professionally facilitated monthly meetings, during which 12 experienced Christian CEOs exchange ideas to solve business issues Biblically. Additionally, members receive a 90 minute personal coaching session each month. Information is available from Tom Walther at 715-459-9611 or online at c12easternwa.com. Thank you for your support of leadership development in the Tri Cities. Well, welcome, Lance. I have heard so much about you, and it's great to meet you here today. And glad you could be on the podcast. Lance Kenmore: Yeah. Absolutely. I'm excited to be here. I'm not used to being on this side of the question asking, so hopefully I can stammer through it. Paul Casey: That's right. You've got your own show, right? Lance Kenmore: Yeah. I do a weekly radio show, and we have some guests on occasionally, so it's kind of fun to be nervous again. I'm used to doing this every week, and the last day or two, my wife is like, "You're actually prepared and you seem nervous." So thanks for putting me in an uncomfortable position. Paul Casey: We're stretching you. Lance Kenmore: Absolutely. Paul Casey: Yes. Well, so our Tri City Influencers can get to know you, take us through your past positions that led up to what you're doing now. Lance Kenmore: Yeah. So before real estate, I mean, I'm a local Tri City guy, so born at Lourdes. I don't even think you can be born there anymore, but I was. And grew up on a farm north of Pasco, and then ended up going up through the school system, Richland School District, and graduated Richland High. And so past positions, I guess growing up, I always ... I was in farming and ag, but I ran a lawn care business in high school, and I just happened to live across the street from the owners of what used to be the Prudential Real Estate franchise here in town, Jeff and Paul Presby. And so growing up, I would mow the lawns of the move outs and the vacant houses, and kind of got to know real estate from that front. And off to college, and to make extra money during college, I was a Nordstrom's shoe salesman. And so I think that's where I started to really learn sales, great organization, lots of training. I love how they handle customers and customer service, so got to know the business through them. Lance Kenmore: And then got back from college, worked on the family farming business for a couple years. And then just knowing that broker and seeing how he built his business through real estate, he just kind of took me under his wing and trained me up in the business. He said ... I can remember the day when I had gotten back from college. I was still mowing lawns on nights and weekends between farming, for some extra money. And he walked out in the parking lot one day and he said, "Didn't you get a college degree?" I said, "Yeah, I did." And he said, "When you finish mowing the lawn, come into that office, and we need to have a talk." And so he was just like, "I'm going to teach you how to sell real estate. I think you're going to be a lot happier." So yeah, I had a really good mentor early. And that's kind of what let me into the real estate path. Paul Casey: So is the Nordstrom's mystique a real deal? Lance Kenmore: You know, it really is, although my wife claims that, that in four years made me extremely high maintenance. And so because I mean, you do get into their culture. And you get deeply embedded in their culture and what they stand for. And it is the same, I mean, you can in the right instances ... The old stories are that you could return anything there, and there's folklore that a guy returned a set of tires. Paul Casey: They don't even sell tires. Lance Kenmore: Yeah. But that's really the case, is that all of their training preached early on, employee autonomy and the ability to let the employees make their own decisions based upon what was right for the company. And so yeah, it's really true. But like I said, we go to a mall or something, and I still shop there to this day. And my wife says I am worse than she is because of that four years. But it was great, it taught me a lot about how we run our customer service. Paul Casey: Wow. That's so cool. So in your work, what are you really good at? What are your talents? What are your strengths? And how do you use those to help those around you be successful? Lance Kenmore: I think the biggest thing is, and being in real estate and negotiating deals for people, is I'm really good at playing devil's advocate. I can look at a situation and see what the other side is thinking. I want to know what they're thinking more than I'm thinking. And so I'm good at looking at those situations and saying, "What are they trying to accomplish? What are they expecting us to do? When should they do it? And how are we going to respond to it?" So I really like to analyze the other side's position and then go to work for my clients to how we can have a mutually acceptable outcome and accomplish our goals, and help them get through. But doing it through the lens of: What's the other side thinking? Paul Casey: That's probably one of the best negotiation principles that a person could have. Right? I could see how that would be great for staff, be great for customer service, even in your own family. Lance Kenmore: Yeah. Absolutely. I try to apply this to my kids. I don't always get it right, but that's one of the things that in fact to the point where sometimes people will be slightly annoyed by it because they'll be like, "I'm trying to figure out what you're thinking. I don't want to tell you what I'm thinking." But yeah, that's a big for me is seeing how we can make the other side and our side come to mutually acceptable terms. And maybe that's just the real estate contract in me. But I like to figure out how we can get a win for both parties. Paul Casey: Yeah, yeah. So on the flip side, what's one of your biggest liabilities? And how do you mitigate that weakness so it doesn't limit your influence? Lance Kenmore: Oh, man. I think that I really like big picture planning, and I know what we want to do. And sometimes I assume that other parties are going to work just like I do. So I'll set something up or put a plan in motion, and then maybe not have a great accountability followup plan, to where I think it's going to be done in two weeks, and so two weeks come, and then I assume it did get done. And I don't double check on that. And so I have to set up systems of accountability because I tend to forget that part. And so a reminder to double check. Who's responsible for double checking? Those details can bite you because once I start, I just assume that it's going to be done. And I know that's not always the case, and then people get busy. And sometimes I'll give them too many tasks, so they couldn't accomplish the first one, and it's really my fault. But having that system of accountability, knowing what the check in is, that's how we've had to fix that liability. Paul Casey: How important is accountability just as a business owner yourself, and just in life, success principle of accountability? Lance Kenmore: So I'm a huge, huge proponent of accountability. I think it is one of the most important parts. And so I still do weekly coaching. I started it in my business, I think we're going on 12 years ago. And I never stopped, and so I have a weekly accountability coaching call. And they expect, my coach expects certain things to be done, and so that, my deadline is Wednesday morning at 8:30. That's my call with my coach. And sometimes Tuesday, the night before, is really, really productive. And it's crazy that after 12 years that I would still find that productive. But it's amazing, just having that call on Wednesday morning, I know that there's certain things that have to be done. So I think it's probably one of the biggest indicators of our success. Paul Casey: As a coach myself, I find out many of my clients getting things done that day before, or that night before, but I say, "It's okay. You got it done." And just having to report here without your tail between your legs going into it is worth it. Lance Kenmore: Yeah, totally. And I coach people also and coach other sales people and coach our team, and even that being the case, that's usually something people are surprised by, that I still have a coach myself. And I'm not just doing it, I believe in that, I believe in that process big time. Paul Casey: Michael Jordan had a coach. LeBron James has a coach. Right? Lance Kenmore: Absolutely. 100%. Paul Casey: All high performers have coaches. Lance Kenmore: Yes, they do. Paul Casey: That's a little plug there. So in your opinion, what's the most difficult part of business leadership, leading teams? And why would you say that? Lance Kenmore: Well, I think the difficult part is being careful, and maybe this is just a personal thing to how I am, but being careful not to take on everyone's problems as your own. I'm great with accepting the fate of the organization and the results that come with that. But I think at times, you can have compassion and understanding, but you can't always solve all the problems or the situations. And I tend to take that really personally, so I think you have to separate and get comfortable with the fact that you've done the best you can, and now the team has to make certain decisions themselves to thrive. And sometimes that's going to work perfectly, and other times it's not. And just really monitoring your own positivity when those failures happen, that they're not always your own. Paul Casey: Yeah. It's sort of the difference between sympathy and empathy. Right? Sympathy, you're taking on the emotions of others. And now you're in the pit with them. Lance Kenmore: Absolutely. Yeah. And you have to be careful not to do that because sometimes, as a good friend once told me, because I was struggling with this concept, and I said to them, we met, I think it was on a Friday. And we met just for a recap on the week. And I said ... He said to me, "How was your week?" And I said, "Well, it was terrible. All I heard about was everyone's problems." And he goes, "Well, congratulations." And I said, "Well, I don't know what that means. Congratulations." He said, "That's how it's supposed to work." He's like, "You should only be dealing with the biggest issues in your company, and that means all the other parts are working correctly." And it was a big mind shift, mindset shift for me because I said, "Okay. So I can deal with the problems, but not take them on myself." And once I made that adjustment, it got a lot better. Paul Casey: Yeah, I think the word compassion means to suffer with. Lance Kenmore: Yes, exactly. Paul Casey: But we all have to stay on our sides of the street. One therapist locally says, "It's the sides of the street principle." This is on your side. You're responsible for it over there. This is my side of the street. I'm only responsible up to this level. When I start crossing over ... I think she said, "When I'm weeding in somebody else's lawn when my house is on fire, that's a problem." Lance Kenmore: That's a problem. Yes, 100%. And I didn't get that early on when I was younger and starting out in that role. And so it took a while to get there. Paul Casey: Good lesson. Well, your people don't know how much you know until they know how much you care, as the old adage goes. So how do you show people, your people, whether that's a team, whether that's your clients, that you value them as people? Lance Kenmore: I think it's just about slowing down and taking time to talk to people. So I personally, I have a hard time doing that. I can be task driven. I do personality testing, and they call it a driver. And so there's tasks that I just want to get done. So for me personally, sometimes I have to come in a couple times a week, one to two hours early, when the phones aren't ringing, no one else is there, and get my tasks out of the way, so that when everyone else gets to the office, I can take some time to just slow down and talk to them. I mean, someone's on our team or in our organization because I saw something great in them, and they do a great job. And I want to know what's going on in their life and what's important to them. That is communication and talking to people. Lance Kenmore: And so a younger version of myself messed that up. I would just blow by, not say hi, limit interaction with coworkers because I was task oriented. And that worked great in the beginning of my career for a while, but it was a horrible concept for running a team. And so I think slowing down and talking to people is just, it seems so simple. I wish there was a better answer or magic pill. But that 10 minute conversation about what happened over the weekend and what their kids are doing just is gold. Those are the type of people I want to be around and hear about. Paul Casey: I love how you've come up with a system because you are a driver, you want to be who you are. So you're coming in early, you're going to take care of that stuff first because it's all about your to do list, getting it done, action oriented. I know what the driver's like. Right? Lance Kenmore: Yes, absolutely. Paul Casey: So then you've got the peace of mind to go out and be fully available without thinking about I got this to do list I still have to do, which people can pick that up from you. Lance Kenmore: Yeah. If you're not in the moment talking and listening, you're going to mess that up. Paul Casey: Just walking through the hallways and leaning on doorframes, as they say. One manager said there's three questions he asks. How are you? And then adds the word really because how are you is just like hello in American. What are you working on? And that's the accountability piece with the leaders. And then: How can I help? Because leaders always need that how can I help mentality. And that's just a great check in. Lance Kenmore: Yeah. Absolutely. And we do this thing. I took it off of a radio station. I think it was Ryan Seacrest, I think, on his show, does this thing called tell me something good, and so where people just call in on the radio and say what was good in their life. So we make sure we start our weekly staff meetings and team meetings with tell me something good. And so you've got 28 people going around telling them something good. And from that one little piece of information, we always pick up something about their life that they thought was good, and then it's amazing the conversations after the meetings that happen about that. So tell me something good is an important thing to be doing. Paul Casey: Love that principle, and 28 people, just to take the time to do that. That's an investment in relationship building on your team. Lance Kenmore: Yeah. I mean, it's a portion of our meeting. But I would argue that it could actually be the most important part of that team meeting every week. Paul Casey: Yes. Well, before we head into our next question of some of Lance's life hacks, let's check in with our sponsors.  If you could trade one day each month for targeted application of Biblical business practices, purposeful accountability, and Godly pure counsel, would you consider it a wise investment? The C12 Group is a national organization focused on spiritual and professional development of Christian CEOs and business owners. Members participate in professionally facilitated monthly meetings, where 12 experienced Christian CEOs exchange ideas to solve business issues Biblically. Information is available from Tom Walther at 715-459-9611 or online at c12easternwa.com.   So, Lance, what are a few of your life hacks that help you be successful on a daily basis? Lance Kenmore: There's a number of books I've read over the years, some that come to mind like Eat That Frog. Paul Casey: Love Eat That Frog. Lance Kenmore: Or The Power of Focus, Jack Canfield. There's some good things, but the strategy that comes out of that, or what it's morphed into for me, is what I call the big three for the day. So you have to start each day with a big three. And the big three is that no matter what gets thrown at you, no matter what happens, these three things are going to get done today. And so for me, that just is a nonnegotiable, that once it goes on that list, if it's late, or emergencies have popped up, before we go home and end the day, I have to double check that big three and make sure. Did I get it done? And once it's a nonnegotiable, it's funny, I find that a lot of times, those things get done in the first ... When you set it up that way, they get done in the first hour of your day. Paul Casey: The rest is gravy then. Lance Kenmore: The rest is gravy then, and you can handle what life throws at you. But without that, you're just reacting. I think having a big three, you're being proactive to what you want to get done. Paul Casey: I totally concur with that. That is the number one time management principle when I teach it. And I love Eat That Frog. And for listeners that don't know what that means, it was a book by Brian Tracy. And if you have to eat a raw frog today, wouldn't it be better to eat that frog early in the morning and get it over with because it's disgusting, than to dread it all day and think about it? Yes, it would be better to get it. So what's the biggest, hairiest task? Your big three, the big rocks for the day, get those banged out. And it's amazing how much it just puts you in this productivity snowball in a good way to getting all these other little things done too. Lance Kenmore: Yeah, you get it knocked out, and yeah, and then you are just rolling right along. That's a big life hack for us. And then recently, I've been into a whole system called habit stacking. And so that is taking your existing habits and routines and finding a way to put a new habit on top of it. So if you're a runner or a hiker and you want to read 30 books this year, well, then you go to Audible. So you're listening to a book while you're running. You're listening to a book while you're hiking. Your significant other and you want to spend more time together, but you also want to work out, so you're working out and spending time, or hiking together. So finding habit stacks that you can put in place is essentially doubling up your time, so that's another one that we use a lot. Paul Casey: Love that one. If you want to start flossing, you're already brushing, just tack it on. Lance Kenmore: Yes. Paul Casey: Tack it on. Lance Kenmore: That's exactly right. Paul Casey: Did you get that from The Power of Habit? Have you read that book? Lance Kenmore: Yeah. Paul Casey: There's some good stuff in that book. Lance Kenmore: Yeah, there's some good stuff. That was the basis for it. That was the first one I had read with a lot about that. And then a newer one recently that is literally called Habit Stacking. Paul Casey: Nice. Well, as a business owner, you have to make important decisions. And what process do you think through before making that important decision? Lance Kenmore: So I'm really fortunate that I work with my wife in our companies and the other businesses that we own, and so I have a sounding board for those ideas. And so we're able to talk to each other about what we think. And how does the decision we're going to make affect others around us? And so that's where we generally start with that. And then her and I, we always laugh because we teach Junior Achievement also. And in Junior Achievement, in the second grade levels, they teach this thing called a decision tree. And it's the old draw a line down the center of your paper, and it's pros on one side and cons on the other. Paul Casey: Second grade. Lance Kenmore: And she and I laugh because we'll make massive real estate decisions based upon the decision tree. And so when you write it out and you start to look at pros and cons, and one side of the paper starts to fill up, it's amazing how it can simplify that decision. So the really important ones is having somebody to poke holes in your theory, play devil's advocate with you. So bouncing that off either a business partner or a mentor is huge, and then taking the time to write out the pros and cons in a decision tree style is a huge help for us. Paul Casey: Yeah. It sounds so basic, but it is so true. And defining the problem even before the decision tree, if you can put it in one sentence, just to make sure we're trying to solve the right problem here, and then you do the pros and cons. And at the end, these are the decisions and why, because you're going to have to defend the why probably to somebody, someone on your team, or even that sounding board person. Lance Kenmore: Absolutely. Paul Casey: You want to be able to defend your results. But I love how you said a mentor, you've got to have a coach, a mentor, a mastermind group, your spouse. Lance Kenmore: Yeah. And that's a big thing is that you mentioned that mastermind group, and that's huge for us. And I'm part of a group that basically acts as a board of directors for our company. It's not as formalized as a national company with a board of directors. But we meet once a month with six other business owners in our local area that are all part of different industries, whether that be the gasoline business, the car business, all the way to insurance, real estate, we're all part of a different industry. And when we have a big decision like that, we present that to the board of directors, that group, and we talk through that. So getting that feedback and a different perspective helps us feel good about being on the right path. Paul Casey: Isolated people do not make the best decisions. Lance Kenmore: Absolutely. Paul Casey: So it's good to have that group. Lance Kenmore: Absolutely. Paul Casey: Well, who influences you, Lance? Who do you surround yourself with, either that's from afar or live, to keep growing yourself? Lance Kenmore: We go to about three times a year, we get out of the Tri Cities. We go to another state in general, and we hit a big educational conference or a learning conference. And sometimes it's business related, real estate. Sometimes it's about health. And sometimes it's even about other business industries that are not necessarily real estate. So sometimes we'll pick an industry that's opposite and maybe technology and somewhere like Austin, whether we go to South by Southwest and see what's going on down there. Or we go to Tony Robbins who is a big coach and influencer. So we pick three a year, get out of town, and just spend some time with people that are trying to get better and learn new concepts. Lance Kenmore: And then we also have a really good group of similar real estate owners and team leads around the country in different markets. And so we like to spend time at each other's offices. So we'll go to somebody else's business, see how they run things, and then they'll come back to Tri Cities for couple days and spend time at our business. So those are the big ones. I mean, I think early on, I read a lot of business books. I'm big into brand building, so Richard Branson with Virgin, the Virgin Airlines brand. And so had read a lot of his books early on, all the way back to real estate influences like Robert Kiyosaki, Rich Dad, Poor Dad. So in that realm, those were some very big impactful books on us early on. Lance Kenmore: And then locally, I'm super, super fortunate Tri Cities has a ton of talent. So there is a turnaround CEO in town. His name's Chris Britton. He's a great guy. And so he's been a big mentor to our business the last six years, and so we spend a lot of time with him and being coached by him. And since he was a turnaround CEO, he would go into companies, fix them, clean them up. I'm hoping he prevents us from ever getting to that part, so he makes a great mentor. Plus, when there's problems, he knows how to deal with them. Paul Casey: That's cool. Do you take all 28 people to those conferences? Or do you go by yourself? Lance Kenmore: We don't. That's just myself. We do encourage our team members to go, and a lot of times, at least once a year if they can. So a lot of our team members, our paid employees, we'll send to, I think the last one was in South Carolina. Or they'll go to San Diego. They usually don't complain about those nice trips. But we like them to also see what other companies are doing, see what other people in your position are doing. And they always come back with a new idea for us to implement. Paul Casey: Absolutely. When people go together to conferences too, they can play off each other, remember different things, come back with this passion to share with the rest of the team. Lance Kenmore: And I wouldn't have gotten ... I mean, we've gotten to do some cool things. I mean, through that network and going to those conferences is how we ended up getting hooked up with Barbara Corcoran from the Shark Tank. And then she just plugs into a whole other network. So we met a guy in radio that we were doing radio, and so we liked radio. And then we met a guy in TV, and then that guy ends up inviting her to a conference. And then the next thing you know, a bunch of us agents are banding together, and she's starting to film commercials for us. And so yeah, I never thought that we would get to that level even 10 years ago. Paul Casey: Very cool. I've seen those commercials. Lance Kenmore: Well, I'm glad you have. It was ironic because a friend of ours in town, when Karen joined me in the business, in real estate, gave Barbara Corcoran's book to my wife. And that was the first real estate book she ever read. So then 10 years later, to be filming with her was really just kind of unbelievably full circle. But I don't think it would've happened if we wouldn't have read that book. And so I just don't think it would've been the same. Paul Casey: When you've lived your life, Lance, and you think back on your influence, how do you want to be remembered? Lance Kenmore: First and foremost, a father and a husband. I mean, I've got two amazing kids, and we spend a lot of time together. We have great relationships and they are pursuing their passions and following their dreams. And so I definitely want to be remembered as supporting and enabling that. And then as a husband, the same way. I'm super, super fortunate that Karen and I work very well together, so we get to spend an amazing amount of time together building something together, which is not normal. It's my normal, but it really is fantastic because, like we say, we get to spend all day with our best friend, and then build something together. Lance Kenmore: So that's huge for me, and then I always say I want to coach and mentor my team and their families to their best life possible. So the team members and friends that surround us with, I want to have been a part of making their life as best as possible. And then beyond that, we get to community and the communities we live in. And I want to be a positive contributing member to our community, especially Tri Cities. It's given us a ton of ... It's given us an amazing life, and so I want to contribute back to that community. Paul Casey: Love the Tri. Lance Kenmore: Love the Tri. Thank you, Mike Denslow. Paul Casey: Finally, what advice would you give to new leaders or anyone who wants to keep growing and gaining more influence? Lance Kenmore: I think there's a lot to be said for pioneers, and they are a special breed, I will give it to them. But in general, I think when people are starting out and leaders are starting out, find someone that you love what they're doing, and that's what you want to be like. And sometimes that can be wrapped up in two or three people and sometimes 10. But in general, someone has done what you want to do, and they've done it better than you can. That's my feeling, and so search that person out. Find out what network they're in. Find out what clubs they're in. What contributed to their success? And then do everything you can to put yourself in those positions or as close to that as possible. Lance Kenmore: And I think a lot of times, people find there's a lot of people out there that want to give back and that have had success. And agents will call me all the time, and I've never had a call where I've told somebody, "No, I won't talk to you," or, "No, I won't tell you that." It's a matter of helping someone else get to that level. And once people are at what leaders consider a high level, you know how important it is to have more leaders and new leaders do the same things. So I would just say getting yourself into the environment that you want to, where you've seen the success and that you want to have is absolutely huge. Lance Kenmore: And then just read more. One of the best ways to get close to that access is to read about it. And that's what starts, plants the seed, starts the thought, so read as much as you possibly can. Chemically, I'm not a scientist. I'm sure you've had those guests on the show. Something changes in your brain when you're reading that and changes your mindset. So if you can't be physically in the same room and talking to that person, read about it, and I think it's the next best thing. Paul Casey: Fantastic advice. So Lance, how can our listeners best connect with you? Lance Kenmore: Probably the best way is kenmoreteam.com is our website. There's a contact form there. We get contacts all the time through that, whether it be job inquiries or home inquiries and real estate. But that's a great way to just hit the button, contact us and shoot me a message. And we would be glad to help with any of your questions. Paul Casey: Well, thanks again for all you do to make the Tri Cities a great place, and keep leading well. Let me wrap up our podcast today with a leadership resource to recommend. It's another podcast. Michael Hyatt has one called Lead to Win. And this podcast is filled with great leadership information. They're all relevant topics, every one I listen to, either for your personal growth and self leadership, or leading a team. Again, Michael Hyatt, Lead to Win Podcast. Paul Casey: Again, this is Paul Casey, and I want to thank my guest, Lance Kenmore, for being here today on the Tri Cities Influencer Podcast. And we also want to thank our Tri City Influencer sponsors and invite you to support them. We appreciate you making this possible so we can collaborate to help inspire leaders in our community. Finally, one more leadership tidbit for the road to help you make a difference in your circle of influence, it's Lester Pearson. He says, "Failures are made only by those who fail to dare, not by those who dare to fail." Until next time, KGF, keep growing forward. Speaker 3: Thank you to our listeners for tuning into today's show. Paul Casey is on a mission to add value to leaders by providing practical tools and strategies that reduce stress in their lives and on their teams so that they can enjoy life and leadership and experience their key desired results. If you'd like more help from Paul in your leadership development, connect with him at growingforward@paulcasey.org, for a consultation that can help you move past your current challenges and create a strategy for growing your life or your team forward. Speaker 3: Paul would also like to help you restore sanity to your crazy schedule and get your priorities done every day by offering you his free Control My Calendar checklist. Go to www.takebackmycalendar.com for that productivity tool. Or open a text message to 72000 and type the word growing. Paul Casey: The Tri Cities Influencer Podcast was recorded at Fuse SPC by Bill Wagner of Safe Strategies.

THE CULT PART 1: REVIVAL WON'T YOU COME BACK HOME The sun really ain't too bright but I got to squint to see anyway Sleeping in a stranger's car I jerk when it starts to sway I said "I'm just in from Jerusalem I'm just in from the sun" A six string in a gunny sack I'm looking to have some fun I been high every single night Won't you come back home with me And won't you try to be with me tonight Won't you come back home with me So I strolled up to the bar I said "I'll play if I can drink for free" The bartender started to laugh hell the whole place was staring at me So I pulled out my black Les Paul I said "You better give me some room." I put my fingers down on the strings and I proceeded to sonic boom When I was done the bartender smiled he said "We knew you'd come our way We heard lots of stories 'round here stuff we're afraid to say." I said that I was just doing my job trying to make my guitar bleed I got my sack and I walked on out and I recited the Apostle's Creed chorus Dave - guitars and vocals Brian - bass, engineering, mixing Wil - drums Ian - mastering A DULL SHADE OF PAGAN Well I had a dream last night All around me the party was raging Elvis was our God The sky was a dull shade of pagan We sacrificed our lives Dawn she showed the way in So I had a dream last night Ain't phony I ain't faking A dull shade of pagan The party was raging Folks were engaging The dull shade of pagan So I figured I could spread the word In a way that won't pay taxes Religiousity As long as the song relaxes It's a new mythology Pilfered from the old ones Sold as if it's new Gospel of the bold ones chorus So I got it up and running In a tent by The Rotting Sea Spread the word of Elvis All for a nominal fee Rob them suckers blind Preaching like a magma Cause that break to bind Not really going to scam you chorus Dave - guitars and vocals Brian - bass, engineering, mixing Wil - drums Ian - mastering I AM THE ELVIS Elvis is the savior and Elvis is the king Elvis stopped the war and made us all break out and sing Elvis made me see the light Made me never want to fight I am Elvis I am god Join the flock and suck my rod Elvis has risen People, have you heard the news It's better than you could have dreamed Elvis has come back to us and left the movie screen Give him praise and me your funds Elvis Presley's number one I am Elvis I am god Join the flock and suck my rod Elvis has risen Let me have the congregation jumping to its feet Let me have 'em getting naked dancing in the streets Elvis has me seen the light Made us never want to fight I am Elvis I am god Join the flock and suck my rod Elvis has risen I am the Elvis Goo goo ga joob Dave - guitars and vocals Brian - bass, engineering, mixing Wil - drums TOWN TO BURG We were travelling last night when We pulled up to shining lights and We talked about mysticism We left early as is our whim We set sail the morning after Had them hanging from the rafters Honestly there's something to this Even though no one can prove this We roll town to burg Shouting Elvis' name and spreading his good word We see all to those believe Crash town like a wave then roll up stakes and leave Truth be told the crowds they scare me What if once they tried to dare me I would say "It's faith just trust me." Ain't no way these fools will bust me chorus Dave - guitars, banjo, vocals Brian - bass, engineering, mixing Wil - drums HEY GROUPIE Hey, groupie, with your cheap tattoos Come cure this poor boy blues It all comes naturally So let yourself be free We're all just lost to be Tonight Hey, groupie, writhing through the day Conform with all we say Give freedom to the beast Let fractious souls unleash A feeding without feast Tonight Hey, groupie, did you ever know A question answered no? A falcon flew at dusk It smelled of sweat and musk It sang a song and busked Tonight Hey, groupie, what's this game? Hey, groupie, what's this pain? Teach it to the lost Populated frost Gone like other's moss Tonight Dave - guitars, vocals, harmonica, slide guitars Brian, bass, engineering, mixing Wil - drums Ian -mastering FUND THE TRIUMVIRATE Damn pleased to meet me the pleasure is all yours Ain't you glad to see me here I open spiritual doors Nothing's prohibited Do what you feel Nothing's your fault Illusion is real Fund the triumvirate of Chingiss and Caesar and me Give me retrofitted scriptures so they can make sense Charge a fee from me to thee subsequent recompense Shake your ass and clap your hands interactionally Dig deep now, you fucking marks, and give it unto me (chorus) Let us breed and multiply and fill this fucking earth Let us gain control so we can say who can be birthed Let us say what's wrong and right and kill those who oppose Let us make up words like "good" and "evil" just like those Dave - guitars and vocals Brian, bass, engineering, mixing Wil - drums Ian- mastering SNIPER Is he the one? Baby Blue gun Yes he's the one Run Dave - guitar and vocals Brian - bass, engineering, mixing Wil - drums FLOATING I don't belong here You belong here We belong here Don't be long Smooth sailing Cool breeze Breath failing True freeze Dave - guitars, vocals, mandolin, banjo Brian - bass, engineering, mixing Wil - drums Ian - mastering HOSPITAL BED Hospital bed I thought I was dead I'm living instead I rose from the dead So let us break bread blue suede shoes now red In my hospital bed I question my life I question my time I question existence I question this rhyme I question the sun I question the son In my hospital bed Scripture number one be a hound dog, son Scripture number two sing and don't be cruel Hospital bed the scriptures I've read He rose from the dead and Elvis ain't dead It's all in my head all in my head In my hospital bed The legions they come they rise with the sun The army's begun a million and one It's not in my head not in my head In my hospital bed Scripture number three love me tenderly Scripture number 4 close my fucking door WESTWARD In the bed next to me the man looks just like me He said "My name is Angel White, boy, what is yours?" "I'm Baby Blue" I said to him he squinted back at me again And then he stood up walked away and closed the door I'm standing in a mirrored hall I punch and kick at every wall I fall my knuckles bloodied dripping to the ground I look up and see Angel White just disappear into the night There is a term for this if not then just a sound When I'm standing tall I can't help but fall When I'm on my knees I feel truly free When I see Remote Control she would just offer me a bowl And then she mesmerized explicitly at Dawn As she came tome again she fluctuated slightly then She misquoted all of the words I heard before She populated like a breeze that had a different chain link sleeve Of retributions paid and other ones that lost As she split the sun in half She moved against the righteous path And climbed down from the perch that never paid the cost As I stood to see that it wasn't me In that playful past of iconoclasts The old man shuffled past me there his flask was metal facial hair He had a jumpsuit on of rhinestones shining white Never gave me wisdom once I didn't ask for other ones But then I saw it as a lecture from respite Did he really give a shit I didn't think he was legit But then the world's a work and we're all fucking marks The greatest con became the truth Falsified by the unclaimed youth Of everyone it fades away into a spark I'm so goddamned tired I'm so goddamn mired Will it ever end probably not, my friend When a man ain't got no home there's one thing left he's born to roam But then again to run away's too aching sad As a pilgrim from the rest who like to propagate the best Of worst things everywhere there's money to be had So I disappeared to see if when a people can't be free That you can drown your sorrows just from passing through Guess we'll never really know but it's sure fun to try to though And if you don't agree I ain't got time for you All my bullets gone shot through by this song Westward let us roam make the road our home Dave - guitar, vocals, harmonica Brian - bass, engineering, mixing Wil - drums Ian - mastering OLD MAN BLUES ACOUSTIC Old man blues, understand? Drunk as shit, I'm a man I seen 'em rise and I seen 'em fall Don't fuck with me, son I'll whup your ass, all y'all Say what's up yo baby what's up Said I try to figure out yo baby what's up I moan the blues I ain't ever died I ain't never laughed I ain't never cried Shook hands with the devil cut my deals with the Lord I'm froze to iron of what you can't afford Said what's up I seen the rules so I done wrote my own I deconstructed the gospel with a black cat bone The thorn covered rail that's the path of the righteous Got the voodoo hoedown just don't wait to invite us You know vengeance ain't passion it's a loser's gold Dawn's eyes shine a light make a slight man bold Where the swamp licks the ocean that's where we meet our fate So if you're running to Jesus your ass better not be late Say what's up

Welcome to Dev Game Club, where this week we continue our series on the unique series Animal Crossing. We talk about real time gaming, acquisition loops, how it resembles a mobile game and other topics, before turning to reviews. Dev Game Club looks at classic video games and plays through them over several episodes, providing commentary. Sections played: An hour a day! Issues covered: pinchy-pinchy and puns, wanting to pay off that second loan, the daily routine of play, filling about an hour, "that fossil belongs in a museum," Tim's routine, lost and found items and the villagers, having more villagers than you can keep track of, chicken varieties, localizing names, Brett playing in a more laid-back way, tranquility, grinding for bells, being trolled by the animals, tying in to the GameCube clock, appointment gaming, mobile touchstones, lacking monetization and being liberating, how many trees you chop down, forest maintenance, weekly events: seagull and fortune teller and furniture seller and rug seller, keeping the player in a rhythm, finding rhythms in MMOs, fighting the mobile monetization mechanics in Pocket Camp, introducing resource loops in later games for crafting, furniture falling out of trees, Brett running out of gyroids, getting the right fruit for you, the difficulty of completing sets, how to know you complete a set, limiting memory use at the time, loving finishing the collectibles, having a nice place to put your stuff, grounding things in the world, the many places you can find a new item, "I got the modern wallpaper and I was pretty happy with that," Brett's torrid love affair with Bertha, punning on your paper type, speedrunning the letter-writing, animals getting cross with Tim for his short mails, theorizing about how the letter responses work, keeping responses vague, wondering about keywords, not wanting to break the illusion, character responses to blowing them off, maintaining the archetypes of these characters, maintaining an attitude, clean conscience gaming, the foreignness of the traditions of Animal Crossing, the normalization of Nintendo in its games, animal identity and jokiness, colonialism in the new title, wanting to see the numbers go up on your Happy Room score, reducing your debt, capitalism and growth, exploitation of natural resources, simulations making an argument, the sterility of weeding vs the messiness of weeding in real life, gyroids and Haniwa (Kofun period), the basis of the Miis, anagram fan, the difficulty of replicating a success like this, not wanting to be the second game in a cornered niche. Games, people, and influences mentioned or discussed: Indiana Jones (obliquely), Nintendo's Treehouse, Farmville, Facebook, Gavin Newsom, Destiny, Fortnite, Diablo III, World of Warcraft, EAD, Assassin's Creed (series), Metal Gear (series), Pokemon, Harvest Moon, Stardew Valley, Waypoint, Tomb Raider, Sound of Music, Mary Poppins, Violet B Trudel, Scrabble, irreverentQ, NotADoctor, The Sims, SimCity, Cities: Skylines, Kirk Hamilton, Aaron Evers. Tim's Favorite Things: Lens flares on cameras with many a jump cut, CQC combat that shows off Old Snake's butt, Cute codec calling to save with Mei Ling, These are a few of my favorite things When the Vamp bites, When Pain's bees sting, When I'm feeling sad... I simply remember my Metal Gear things, And then I don't feel so bad Who is this Raiden and Iroquois Plissken Invading a snow base I hope you brought mittens Sons of the Patriots pulling my strings These are a few of my favorite things When Gray Fox strikes When Deep Throat rings When I'm feeling sad I simply remember my Metal Gear things And then I don't feel so bad Notes: Tim describes Animal Crossing as having been made by DeNA; it was by EAD. We regret the error. Next time: Still an hour a day! Twitch: brettdouville, instagram:timlongojr, @brett_douville, @timlongojr, and @devgameclub DevGameClub@gmail.com

Two-minute Tips for Turbulent Times with David Allen Capture Tools Everywhere When things pop into your head that you're going to need to think about, deal with, do something about have to make a decision about or whatever that's potentially relevant to you. Then you need to make sure you get those out of your head and capture them because your head is a terrible office, it'll fool you because you think of it you're sure you won't forget whatever that is but two minutes later you're thinking of the next thing you don't want to forget but you forgot the first thing. So you need capture tools. So, mine are low tech for the most part. No batteries, no Wi-Fi required. This is with me all the time. A pen and a little pad. When I'm sitting down anywhere that's a flat surface longer then a few a minutes, I've got a pad and a pen, can't beat it. Who knows when lightning is going to strike, something's are going to occur to me I need to deal with. Particularly while I'm working on other things and dealing with other things something comes from the side and hits me. Right then I want to be able to write it down. If you're having to look for a capture tool, you won't do it, you'll miss it. I would highly recommend that wherever your work space is and certainly even in your home space that you have a place where you, and also other people, if you live with other people that they can have a place to also write things down and capture stuff out of your head. Your head's a terrible office, you can't keep track of more than four things in your head without diminishing your cognitive process, and so it's the very first step. If you're familiar with the GTD or Getting Things Done methodology, you know that's a critical first step, which is capture, but you're not going to capture if you don't have the tools with you. So make sure you've got good capture tools around. They can be digital, they can be paper based. I like low tech. I think it's fast, it's much easier. That's not my permanent system, It's a place though as a placeholder, and an important placeholder to be able to get the stuff out of my head, so that I stop spinning on that and then know I'll come back to it and not lose the idea.

Longtime podcaster, full-cast audio pioneer and independent filmmaker, and author of 30 books, J. Daniel Sawyer hosts the daily writers podcast The Every Day Novelist dedicated to creativity, process, writerly discipline, and cultivating a fertile mental life.TRANSCRIPT AVAILABLESHOW LINKS:Subscribe to my YouTube Channel: youtube.com/c/KevinTumlinsonWordslinger Podcast on YouTube: youtube.com/c/wordslingerpodcastAuthor.Email: author.emailIndie Author Blueprint: indieauthorblueprint.comGUEST LINKS:Website:: http://www.jdsawyer.netAmazon Author Page:: https://www.amazon.com/J-Daniel-Sawyer/e/B003L9JM92Twitter:: @dsawyerFacebook:: https://www.facebook.com/jdaniel.sawyerHow can people join your mailing list?: http://jdsawyer.net/about/mailing-list-signup/SPONSORS:DRAFT2DIGITAL: Convert, publish, and distribute your book worldwide, with support the whole way. https://draft2digital.com/wordslingerACORNS: Start an Acorns account today and get FREE MONEY! kevintumlinson.com/acornsAUDIBLE.COM: Get a FREE 30-day trial of Audible and listen to any audiobook in their vast library, when you go to http://audibletrial.com/wordslingerTRANSCRIPT:SUMMARY KEYWORDSbook, people, podcast, nanowrimo, pandemic, years, worldview, everyday, talking, novelist, life, interesting, grew, read, thought, recorded, held, listen, writing, questionsSPEAKERSKevin Tumlinson, J Daniel SawyerKevin Tumlinson 00:01Hey everybody, thank you for tuning in for sticking through the intro. I'm not even sure what I said in the intro, but I promise I will, I can guarantee at least I was interested in it. So thanks for tuning in and playing along. So today we're talking to Jay Daniel Sawyer. Now I'm going to read his bio here because it's it's got some great details for you but longtime podcaster full cast, audio pioneer, and independent filmmaker and author of 30 books. Jay saw your hosts the daily writers podcast, the everyday novelist, dedicated credit to creativity, process, and writerly discipline, and cultivating a fertile mental life. That's the part I wanted to get to in your bio. I like the idea of a fertile mental life. How's that? How's that shake out? And welcome to the show.J Daniel Sawyer 00:52Hi, Doug diggin Kevin. Yeah, you were on everyday novelist. What about it? But two years ago, I thinkKevin Tumlinson 00:58Yeah, a little bit. Doesn't seem like that long.J Daniel Sawyer 01:01I guys been crazy packed two years and like, every sense. Yeah,Kevin Tumlinson 01:06yeah. I feel like I've done a billion podcasts and webinars and live stream since then. And that's just this week. Oh, no. Yes. And I, you know, and I told you this before we started and I'm, I'm going to apologize to the rest of the world. Because if I sounded all frazzled, or off my game, it's because we've had so there's that on top of a pandemic, and I don't know when you're listening to this, it's probably a little bit in the future for sure. Maybe things turned out all right. And if so, thank you world for playing along. But uh, you know, things have been a little crazy. In terms of stuff we're doing with DDD, we got these spotlights, we're doing like every day, and then my buddy here pops in and I for some reason, I thought it was one of my author consults. So So I'm off base. I'm off kilter man. We're gonna get back on trackJ Daniel Sawyer 02:04so I think we'll do fine.Kevin Tumlinson 02:06How is everything in the James J Daniel Sawyer world man Tell me a little bit about what you're doing right now.J Daniel Sawyer 02:12Oh well right now I'm stuck up in the backwoods I moved up to the backwoods of New England for a week in order to help my parents relocate a year ago It turned out that their their retirement house needed some renovations. So Oh, got stuck here. And just as we were getting ready to leave the quarantine comes down. So I might be stuck here another year. So there's a lot of interesting refactoring going on.Kevin Tumlinson 02:36But that seems to be the way that works out. I mean, we we were we moved out of our apartment and moved into our in laws place for a few days, quote, unquote, and then 14 hit and we're like, well, they're gonna hunker down anyway. Go ahead.J Daniel Sawyer 02:54Yeah. But yeah, it's it's good. It's, you know, we're on we've got 50 acres to play with. So there's a Lots of good time for outside notice and using the opportunity to resurrect my fiction podcast and get some work ahead done on the homestead we're building on the other side of the country. Right? So it's, it's gonna work outKevin Tumlinson 03:15what kind of work ahead can you do if it's on the other side of the country?J Daniel Sawyer 03:18There's a lot of design stuff. Yeah design, designing and costing sourcing stuff for the first buildings figuring out order of operations for at what stage we do the well when we do the catchment, what's the priority of how much electrical build out because where we are, it's a quarter mile beyond the last electrical pole. So it's 20 odd thousand just to bring power in. It's actually a lot cheaper. Even though we're in an iffy climate zone. It's actually a lot cheaper to go solar. So, right. Yes, that's a whole new set of things I've been learning about andKevin Tumlinson 03:53Oh, man. Yeah, you're talking to the right guy. Cool. This is I have to so you know, You know that we're getting into an RV full time again? Yeah. So the the two biggest problems, the three big problems. One, the two are bigger than the third. But internet is the biggest challenge. You know, power isn't such a big challenge unless it's going to be hot. And then we have Eric. Right. So, yeah, so solar power and generators and alternative energy are all in my mind. I'm thinking about installing something on the wheels of the camper that as we rolling in generates power.J Daniel Sawyer 04:36I've been studying doing that kind of stuff. It should be pretty, pretty simple.Kevin Tumlinson 04:40Yeah, man. Yeah. by simple, you know, that's a relative term.J Daniel Sawyer 04:44Well, it's a relative term. But the question is, would it be more efficient than just putting a bigger alternator in the truck? Yeah. And then, and then routing it to the chargeback.Kevin Tumlinson 04:55That's something else I I've considered. Well, yeah, whatever. This has been alternate energy talk everyone.J Daniel Sawyer 05:03So, well, you know, we were talking about a fertile mental life. Yeah, exactly. I mean, one of the one of the things about creativity is it's nonlinear, you can't reason your way into what you have to do is you have to create a broad, a broad base of knowledge and experience and interests to pull from. And so, you know, one of the ways that I keep myself Spry is by picking interesting stuff that's not related to anything else I'm doing and finding a way to get interested in it because I always get story ideas out of it.Kevin Tumlinson 05:35Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's interesting. And that and so that's what you mean by by fertile mental life?J Daniel Sawyer 05:42Well, partly, I've just finished a book called The autodidact Bible, which should be coming out. I think we've set the publication date for early July. Yeah. Which is a basically a comprehensive toolkit for teaching yourself how to self educate, eat, whether you're self educated. With philosophy or with carpentry, and everything in between,Kevin Tumlinson 06:04man, I gotta tell you, though, hmm, you should call it a fertile mental life. The other didactics Bible. Thank you.J Daniel Sawyer 06:11I've been looking for a good title for it because the working title is a bit wonky. Yeah, so I'll write that down.Kevin Tumlinson 06:20I think that's gonna work. I would buy that book. All right, I wouldn't buy the first one.J Daniel Sawyer 06:25right because it sounds really technical. ItKevin Tumlinson 06:27sounds like it's gonna Yeah, like, I'm gonna have to read this with like one of those clear rulers. Oh,06:35I lost I lost your lightingKevin Tumlinson 06:36just went away. Yeah, well, good thing nobody everyone listening is doesn't know that.J Daniel Sawyer 06:41Yeah, speaking of off grid power,Kevin Tumlinson 06:44no joke. Now, I'm not really sure why that happened. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna let that charge up while I'm on with you. Okay,J Daniel Sawyer 06:52both backlit, so it's sort of fair. Exactly.Kevin Tumlinson 06:57Things things like this are always happening to me lately. I don't What's going on? Um, so yeah, we'll get off that see this one talking about some I get off track justJ Daniel Sawyer 07:09because I'll just chase whatever and that's okay. you stumble ontoKevin Tumlinson 07:12you know, I studied improv and you know, you roll with whatever is gonna come at you. Yeah,J Daniel Sawyer 07:17yes, yeah, yes and or no but but never Yeah.Kevin Tumlinson 07:20So, uh, I, let's talk a little bit about your well wouldn't talk about your book. Do you want to talk a little about your book? I was gonna get off on your podcastsJ Daniel Sawyer 07:32there. Let's get off on the podcast. They're related. They'reKevin Tumlinson 07:35related, okay, who partly out of the other. So tell me. How did the show get started? Like what made you decide to do itJ Daniel Sawyer 07:41back in? I think it was 2006 Yeah, 2005 or 2006. I went to a write in for NaNoWriMo at Central Park in Berkeley. And Chris, whatever his name is the guy that started NaNoWriMo was there and so I got to talk to you too. Like, why'd you know why did he do this? I'd never done it before. It always seemed kind of silly to me. And he said, Well, I wanted to be a writer and I couldn't motivate myself. So I decided to pick the most difficult month in the year and intentionally write a book there to prove to myself I could do it. Yeah, I thought that was kind of a cool idea. So I wanted to trying to do NaNoWriMo that year and I completely failed. But the the lit the minor features of the conversation like going in the direction of greatest difficulty in order to build up your writing chops, really sunk in made a big difference to me as a writer to my productivity and to my general approach to all things writerly. So, I had in mind always want especially once I started podcasting, I always thought it would be fun to do sort of a walkthrough of NaNoWriMo for the newbie who'd never written a book before. Okay, and about 2016 I had the free time. So I sat and did it. And I got to the end of this 30 day walkthrough, which has since evolved into my book becoming an everyday novelist. And I started getting emails from people saying, Please don't end it here. We've become dependent on it. And so I, I went on pod and I read a couple of these. And I said, Okay, so look, here's the problem. It took me, God, you know, God knows how many untold hours to work out the program for this 30 day walkthrough to put things in the right place to write the copy that whole bit. So if you want me to keep this going, you've got to make it easy for me send me questions or something. Yeah. And I thought that was gonna be the end of it. But they sent questions. And they kept sending questions, and they kept sending questions, and it's now four plus years on and we're just creeping up on 1000 episodes now, and they're still sending questions. Occasionally, a question will spin off and I'll do a special series or or I'll have a guest on every once in a while. Then about about two and a half years ago, I wrote a I cracked the formula for hemlines juvenile books. And so I wrote a Heinlein juvenile and did a walkthrough of how to write a headline juvenile interesting and you know, some other stuff like that. But as the years have gone on, the questions have gotten more and more interesting. We get into history in psychology and philosophy in general auto didacticism and mental health management and physical health management. And the reading list that I refer people to keeps growing and growing and growing.Kevin Tumlinson 10:41Yeah, was what puts you though, on that specific course like you are? Well, I guess more the more important question is like how are you answering those questions like where are the answers come from?J Daniel Sawyer 10:55Well, I read the questions when they come in and then about one second Good enough to do a block I record 15 to 30 episodes in a day. Yeah. And do it all off the top of my head. Okay, I'm, I'm Constance I grew up in I literally grew up in academia, both grandfathers are cattle ranchers and then my father is a theology professor. So I grew up idolizing my blue collar grandparents and hanging out in the college where my father taught. So I was like, auditing classes when I was six, seven years old. Just Yeah, I thought it was cool. Not realizing I was picking up useful stuff. Right. And I've just always loved learning and hated school. So I've become the I quit. I dropped out of school at 15. I started working full time and going to college on the sly. And just read, read, read, experiment, learn, do a bunch of different stuff. I've, I've run a courier company. I've run a couple of publishing companies. I've been in the tech world. I've run a music company. or not, that was music services company like MC live sound mixing and doing videos, that sort of thing. And over the years, I've built up this toolkit for how to navigate any situation and come out of it. Come out of it, learning a lot about it. That's crazy and how to cross apply those things to other areas so that you can bootstrap on multiple fronts at once. Yeah. So when someone comes in and asks a question, and I'm really I'm always really careful to separate my opinion from the state of the art in a given field and what the state of my knowledge is, and then, if it's something that's, you know, socially controversial, or that's fraught in the field, I refer to sources that contra counterbalance each other and when it's when it's something more historical, I just didn't refer to a couple of good books that are they give more depth on this. subject that I'm able to give. We've done deep dives on the history and background of the writing of certain influential books, you know, that kind of stuff.Kevin Tumlinson 13:09Yeah. And you're cataloging all this somewhere so that people can can access Yeah,J Daniel Sawyer 13:14yeah, there's a there's a on the website at everyday novelist calm there's a reading list of basically every book we've ever recommended on the cast. Do you album,Kevin Tumlinson 13:25are you monetizing that somehow? Are you you know, people got paid?J Daniel Sawyer 13:30Yes. No, no, well, it's, it's free. Listen, I've got Patreon subscribe star and the gumroad subscription feed all currently doesn't bring in very much but yes, for me, it's kind of a pay it forward thing I need to figure out how to monetize it a little better, because that's taken ungodly amount of time.Kevin Tumlinson 13:46That's always a challenge too. Because, you know, you like me. I mean, I I've lost track of how much I've put out there. that's meant to help the community but you know, at some point you do have to make a living. Luckily, my books make money. Living. So that's great. But he put in all this time and energy, you feel like there should be some sort of monetary reward.J Daniel Sawyer 14:09Well, people who listen to this, if you come over and listen to the cast kick $1 in here and there or buy the books through the Yeah, the site that really helps out a lot. One of the lovely things and you'll know, that's one of the lovely things about being sort of off the beaten track, whether you're in an RV or going or we were in an RV for a couple years or going off to the middle of the woods, is you have the freedom to live on quite a lot less than everybody else does. Right? So it doesn't take a whole lot to meet your monthly bills. So you know, we don't make a lot it really does help with the budget, but genuinely, every dollar helps us both nice and a little bit of a downer.Kevin Tumlinson 14:49Yeah, well, but I guess if you really think about it, that's just gonna be true no matter what I mean, you. Yeah, I mean for most people, for like, we'll say 90% of people. That's probably going to be the truth.J Daniel Sawyer 15:01It's got interesting. Yeah, it's gonna be interesting watching what kind of long term effects this whole. This whole endemic pandemic adventure has on people's determination to work from home and other things over the long term that could seriously change the shape of the way things work.Kevin Tumlinson 15:18I predict that I honestly think we're, we've just we just witnessed, like a leap forward in the evolution of a civilization. As you know, everything we understood has come to an end. And we're now going to reinvent ourselves.J Daniel Sawyer 15:35That's a lot more true than you might realize. Because it's not just the social changes that this is forcing. But there is another set of social changes that was waiting in the wings for coming to three years from now when the boomers hit mass retirement that this has accelerated. Yeah. And that is that because of the global demography, the demand driven economic expansion that started With the Black Death just ended, right just ended. Right? That's 500 years of political, social, and economic and ethical systems all premised on the notion that things would continue to grow at a moderate rate forever. They don't work anymore. Right? I'm planning on editing an anthology later this year dealing with potential new ways to do things where growth is not an embedded obligation of the system. Figure science fiction needs to get back to hardcore speculation. SoKevin Tumlinson 16:32I think we also just witnessed the opening of a whole new door when it comes to intellectual property and the way culture reacts with it.J Daniel Sawyer 16:42Yeah. Very interesting.Kevin Tumlinson 16:44Yeah. I'm real curious to see what happens. Because you know, you think about everything we've seen of late like all the little sessions where people do like, you know, oh, sorry about that. No problem. You got to clean anything up. You Good.J Daniel Sawyer 17:00No, no, I just wasn't my reflector wasn't backed by a strong enough, strong enough Wait,Kevin Tumlinson 17:05all right. You know those all those videos and everything that have popped up like nurses and doctors singing or high school kids singing something and performing something, you know, all that stuff is out there, it's getting a lot of attention. And some of it is easily even sort of inadvertently monetized. And but nobody is having to secure the rights to that stuff right now. SoJ Daniel Sawyer 17:30I'm curious to see what happened has to be some there's gonna have to be a new new compulsory licensing scheme, like happened in the 20th is when radio came in?Kevin Tumlinson 17:39Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, you know that there's a whole thing going on with this has been in discussion for years really, because this is why the Creative Commons first kind of came on the scene, but, you know, can you really truly own an idea and is it beneficial to society for you to own the idea Yeah, and we need to make a living as content creators. But do we, you know, how far does that extend in terms of ownership? So, you know, I'm, I kind of am on in that boat of, you know, ideas want to be free, like the guy who created Yep. Was it Oracle? No, it was a Linux, creator of Linux. Yes. But at the same time I make my living from my ideas. So.J Daniel Sawyer 18:30Oh, no, it was, it was it was it was a bill, what's his name from Sun Microsystems said that.Kevin Tumlinson 18:34Okay. Yeah, I think you're right. Yeah. No, no, probably. Yeah. No, IJ Daniel Sawyer 18:39yeah. No, I'm the same way. I've quite a lot of my stuff is creative commons license. And I you know, I've interviewed Cory Doctorow years ago and yeah, and, and the greatest The greatest enemy of any new artist is obscurity and not piracy, all that sort of stuff. Yep. totally on board with that. And on the other hand, the yeah The rationale for copyright law is that the for the civilization to benefit from the culture, people have to be incentivized to make it. And when everything was expensive to publish, that was very easy to that was a very easy line to draw, but it's not anymore and we've delayed rethinking that seriously. years and nobody has put Yeah, I think you're right, that dam just broke.Kevin Tumlinson 19:27Yeah, I absolutely think it has. And, you know, of course, one of the things that's that's been happening since since the pandemic started almost hesitate to talk about the pandemic at all honestly, because by the time this episode airs we should hopefully be out ofJ Daniel Sawyer 19:45don't bet on it. I'm expecting that I'm expecting that there'll be a sawtooth quarantine forKevin Tumlinson 19:50we'll see we'll see if you're right if this good when this goes live, we'll see if that things change. I don't know what but whateverJ Daniel Sawyer 19:57I'll on record. So if my prediction everyone laughKevin Tumlinson 20:00at me gonna be a transcript and everything, man. Absolutely. So I think, you know, right now I know from, from my experience with drafter digital and in my own personal experience that ebooks, ebook sales have been just going through the roof. You know? And I mean, we've we've seen, like a 45% increase across retailers, but like 175% increase with libraries. So people are out there. IJ Daniel Sawyer 20:27got my book library sales have also gone way up. Yeah. Yeah. It's, so I seem to have the greatest penetration in libraries with my audiobooks. SoKevin Tumlinson 20:37that's interesting, though. That's interesting. Because most of the time when I think about audio books, I'm thinking like people are getting them to listen to while they drive into work or something. I would think so too, butJ Daniel Sawyer 20:49that maybe, you know, while there would be out everybody taking walks or Yeah, or cleaning the house, and if you're living in the house, you have to clean a lot more often.Kevin Tumlinson 20:59So how are you Balancing the podcasting and everything else you're doing with the writing, like how you keep on track.J Daniel Sawyer 21:08I tend to batch a lot, current. So like right now, it is called the everyday novelist because I usually write everyday but the last few months, because things have been so weird, it's been a little bit different. So I've currently got four books that I'm redlining. And the podcast is actually as much time as it takes sexual easy because I can batch it. So I'll just say okay, at the end of the recorded buffer is coming up, like when we're recording this, I've got another recording session tonight, because my buffer just ran out. I say at the end of the recorded buffers coming up, take one night to record them all. Then take a day to edit them all and post them and then that's that and but I do a lot of stuff with batch work. So I let you know enough of a pile pile up that I can do it as a project because With the exception of getting in a groove and writing every day, almost everything else I either get bored of or get. It starts to grind on me if it's a chronic thing, but if I have projects I can get through, then that Jazz's me up. SoKevin Tumlinson 22:16yeah, so that's it, you know, are you how much production goes into each of your podcast episodes?J Daniel Sawyer 22:25For the everyday novelist it's about a it's about a two and a half to one timewise. As you can tell, as we're talking here, I have a bit of a scatter shot. I tend to circle a topic before before angling in on it and sometimes there's a lot of stumbling associated with that right right. I like what I'm doing the everyday novelist because it's all improv I like to to narrow the stumbling down as much as possible. So right, it takes about twice as long to cut every episode as the final Listening length winds up being. Okay. So overall, I met including the recording time at about two or three to one production ratio.Kevin Tumlinson 23:10Alright, well alright, that's that makes sense. That's about what it what it takes for me so that I feel a little more comfortable. I am actually because I've been doing some other stuff recently live I'm actually considering shifting the model of this show to being a live format, essentially producing it on the fly. Yeah, it can be fun. It's a little tougher to get certain guests on. But you get the benefit of you know, the production is is done that day.J Daniel Sawyer 23:42Yeah, absolutely dead set out. And I really, I dig doing interview shows that way. When I'm, when I'm doing monologues. I like to massage the timing a lot because that that really helps with the delivery. Yeah, when you've got a conversation going on. The timing emerges from the interaction so you can avoid the editing if you want to.Kevin Tumlinson 24:03Yeah, that's exactly yeah, I like that part where everything is done for me automatically.J Daniel Sawyer 24:10Oh yeah.Kevin Tumlinson 24:12I started my I started this thing called the Kevin show. I don't know if you've seen any of those and they're ridiculous I haven't seen that yet. They're not right.J Daniel Sawyer 24:20They were your YouTube channel. Yeah, yeah. So I started I've got a tab open, but I haven't watched any of them yet.Kevin Tumlinson 24:26Yeah, well, I'm just gonna warn you in advance don't go there hoping for writing wisdom.J Daniel Sawyer 24:34But I figured it's us so it's probably gonna be like RV weird DIY stuff. And strange. There's gonna be all kinds of stuff.Kevin Tumlinson 24:41Yeah. So it started literally that show. So yeah, okay, I'm gonna bring us back around to what we're discussing here. But that show started as me and Nick factor. I said to Nick, you know, when I was so stressed out from the moving from the pandemic from, you know, just being inundated with things So you know, what I would love to do is just do something stupid fun, no agenda, no plan and call it I could call it the Kevin show, because that's ridiculous. And just put it out there live and have fun for 30 minutes, distract people. And he, he said I'd go on that. And so within an hour, I had designed that entire show, from the graphics to music to a video intro to booking my first guest. And the next day it went live. And I've done one every week since so that's dad said, to bring it back to the important thing of this interview, which is you that shows I think that process of the fertile mind, you know, the the fertile mental life that you are, that you are focused on, or would you would you disagree with that? kind of put you on the spot?J Daniel Sawyer 25:56No, no, I think that's a great example to the brain. branching out. It's Oh, I'm trying to think of something pithy to come back to that. But yeah, I think you've got it exactly.Kevin Tumlinson 26:07That's something.J Daniel Sawyer 26:09Life is chaotic, interesting and complicated. And it doesn't easily fit into any of the categories that anybody likes to impose on it. Yeah. And I can't remember who I ran into from it might have been, it might have been something out of one of two labs books. But I came across this idea of it's better to have strong opinions loosely held. Yeah, then then weak, then weak opinions strongly held. Most people have weak opinions strongly held. They have ideas that they like, they can't really support them in in the face of a monumental challenge, but they'll hold on to them for dear life because they're identified with them.Kevin Tumlinson 26:50Exactly. Sort of. Yeah,J Daniel Sawyer 26:52I like that core way. I prefer to be able to articulate what I'm thinking in a very useful strong way, right and be comfortable enough with my own level of ignorance that I can change my opinion when something challenges it and it doesn't, in my opinion doesn't stand up in the teeth of whatever I'm engaging with. As a result of course, I've had multiple interesting worldview shifts over my life. I've been all over the political spectrum. I've had three different religions. And but, but it's but the reason is that, that I'm more interested in figuring out what's actually going on and engaging with life in a in a deep way. And if that's my priority, then what's expendable has to be my determination to cling on to the things that might otherwise make me feel secure.Kevin Tumlinson 27:54Yeah, okay. That is I Exactly. I love the way you have Put that if that is an actual quote, I need to go find it about strong or strong opinions. Loosely held. Yeah, yeah, that's I feel like that's me. And I think I think the danger is people hear strong opinions and then decide. That's where you stand. And so the idea that you might change your mind from a strong opinion, and pivot to a new worldview is is completely foreign to some folks. But I think that's that's the right way to be personally, I like that.J Daniel Sawyer 28:30Yeah. And I do and I mean, one of the things you're, you're like me, you're, you're a little bit north of 30, at least. And one of the things by the time you hit your mid 30s, you realize that whether you want it to or not your worldviews gonna change. Yeah. Because the cumulative experience you build up, gradually goes out of sync with your ideology, whatever ideology that is, because ideologies are models that we build to deal with the world. They're not the world itself and any model is going to have holes in it. Yeah, and the. So when you're in your 20s, it's really easy to righteously hold on to everything because you are fighting for the good. But the older you get, the more that instead of that makes you look, instead of making you impassioned, and a person of great conviction, makes you look kind of stupid. Yeah, because you're not you look vapid and hollow? Well, yeah, because what's happening is while your practical worldview is changing, and you can always tell by the evidence of someone's behavior, rather than what they say, what you believe is reflected in what you do not in what you say. And as you get older, if you're holding on to those, to those early convictions that tightly, the gap between your behavior and your speech will grow. And if you look in the mirror, and all of us eventually do or at least most of us eventually do. You notice that disconnect and that's when you have the existential crisis, who,Kevin Tumlinson 30:02yeah, if you've ever read Carol Dwight's book about my called mindset, it talks about exactly you should tell you, that will probably end up on your list of recommended books, because it talks about that very idea. And it's the closed mindset versus the open mindset, you know, and we tend to look for things that become part of our identity when, especially when we're young, especially when we're vulnerable. Like we're, you know, the bullied high school kid, you know, can say, Well, people pick on me, but at least I'm really good at math. And so if you identify with that, and then you fail a math test,30:40you're crushed, suddenly, yep.Kevin Tumlinson 30:42Your whole identity was just taken for you were murdered, you know, in your, in your own mind. And so you start to think if I don't have that, what am I? Who am I? So anyway, um, so, unfortunately, we are we're closing in on our timeJ Daniel Sawyer 30:58on the end,Kevin Tumlinson 30:59which was is really unfortunate man I always I dig talking to you we know when am I coming back on your show man? I knowJ Daniel Sawyer 31:13whenever it's good for you let me know I would love to have you back on especially now you're working with Jeff to digital. I'd like to Yeah,Kevin Tumlinson 31:19cuz i don't think i was last time wasJ Daniel Sawyer 31:21last time you were last time you wereKevin Tumlinson 31:25completely independent.J Daniel Sawyer 31:26You You were just leaving your first stint at draft to digital I think it wasKevin Tumlinson 31:31no it would have been because I was still Oh yeah, so I was working for DDD, but IJ Daniel Sawyer 31:36stayed with a different position. Oh yeah, I was.Kevin Tumlinson 31:39I was getting on the road though. That's the only guy that would have been. So okay, yeah, so I still fresh it D to D Really? Because that happened like right after. Okay, there we go. That's the you haveJ Daniel Sawyer 31:50this. this. Yeah, the stuff you guys are doing over there, especially now that marks on the team and whatnot has gotten a lot more interesting. I keep signing up for the meetings and then not making them because Everything else in the world that's there recorded I really want.Kevin Tumlinson 32:04I'm gonna have to look back through from my recorded pop into your YouTube channel. Okay, which is officially youtube.com slash c slash draft to digital everyone. And while you're there, look for Kevin Tumlinson and you can tune into the Kevin show xo into plugs but tell everybody the more important URL is where can people find you online?J Daniel Sawyer 32:30You can find me at everyday novelist calm that's for the daily podcast. You can find a whole bunch of my other stuff audio books, full cast audio fiction podcasts, my rather scattered and sometimes very dark musings on the universe on my blog, and a complete list of the books that are available for purchase at the moment as well as my autodidacts reading list at WWW dot JDC. All your.net and I just want a very, very dark take on some of the stuff we were talking about earlier about the changeover and ages. Check out my blog post. The Abyss stares back.Kevin Tumlinson 33:12Yes. Excellent. All right. Well, you heard him everybody. Make sure you check that stuff out, buy his books, go see his stuff. Listen to his podcast. There's a lot you can do to keep him going throw a buck or two his way on Patreon. Let's let's make sure we're taking care of our own here, man. So Jay Daniel Sawyer, sir, thank you so much for being a part of the word slinger podcast.J Daniel Sawyer 33:34Thanks for having me on. It is a delight.Kevin Tumlinson 33:37Everybody else right now. Right now you're probably hearing the groovy bridge music. You may dance in place it will and if you stick around, I am sure to say something profound on the other side, and if I don't make fun of me, see you next time.

Welcome back to the fuel your legacy podcast. Each week we expose the faulty foundational mindsets of the past and rebuild a newer, stronger foundation essential in creating your meaningful legacy. We've got a lot of work to do. So let's get started.As much as you like this podcast, I'm certain that you're going to love the book that I just released on Amazon, fuel your legacy, the nine pillars to build a meaningful legacy. I wrote this to share with you the experiences that I had while I was identifying my identity, how I began to create my meaningful legacy and how you can create yours. You're gonna find this book on Kindle, Amazon and as always on my website, Sam Knickerbocker calm.Welcome back to fuel your legacy. And this week, we have an awesome guest. It's back in the springtime of 2020. So looking forward to moving on in life hopefully you guys reportFirst Quarter goals nailed down and you're just running. Because the first quarter goes away fast. I mean, I remember 2019 and it just ended before it got started. I feel like and that happens often in our lives. So remember to stay focused on your legacy and what are you doing daily to fuel that is our guest today. His name is Todd Palmer. Palmer is an executive coach, keynote speaker, renowned thought leader and author, CEO. He's just done a ton of different things in his life. something unique about him. If you're watching the video of this on YouTube, then you can see this but if you're just listening on Facebook, or not Facebook, on podcasts, you can't see this, but he has a lot of baseball memorabilia, and I'll let him identify what a lot is. I know there's a level ofyou don't want people coming down to your house and knowing what's inside your house. But he has a lot of it like more items than most of the people inIn this have earned in their lifetime dollars. So a significant amount.This is, to say the least. And that's just a hobby, right that has nothing to do with what he does for work, nothing to do with necessarily his businesses, but it's just a passion of his and I think that's the reason I'm bringing that out as it's important to identify your passions and learn what passions are yours that you're doing just because you want to do them. And then what other things are you doing in your life because there's a lot of things that I do just because I love doing them. And so make a list of that for you and say how often do I do these things that I do just because I love doing them? And are you allowing yourself to get that fulfillment daily or weekly or monthly? How often is that fulfillment coming in so Todd, thank you so much for joining here on on the fuel your legacy podcast? We're excited to hear all of your crazy crazy mindset coachings you know, helping us become better individuals, people, fathers, husbands, wives, daughters, sons, the whole bit business owners. Go ahead andGive us an introduction of who you are, where you came from, really what that transition looked like or that gap from when you went from being kind of in something you thought was going to fulfill you didn't quite hit the mark and transitioning into something where you found more fulfillment.You know, thank you so much for having me here. Today, I'm excited about being able to talk about the importance of legacy, the importance of following something that's going to fulfill us. There's a big difference between the spike of happiness You know, we can have a piece of chocolate feel pretty happy, but to create a life by design that has immense satisfaction, by the time our time. the time we're done here on earth is a very important thing to me. So I grew up kind of a quick down and dirty about me. I grew up on a farm in mid-Michigan, I went to a very small High School at 42 kids in my graduating class.At one of my first big life decisions was an opportunity to go play Division Three basketball, or go to the local community college on a talent scholarship. ForWriting in journalism because I thought I wanted to be a writer, I thought I was gonna be a newspaper reporter to have a passion at the time for writing. And the first flip for me was when I once I got to the college, and they were essentially compensating me with my free tuition to write, I discovered I didn't like it as much anymore. It's like when it was it went from being a hobby and a passion in the academic pursuit to something I was actually like responsible and accountable for there was a big shift.Upon graduating from college, I ended up teaching at a university for three years. And I love that work the light bulb moments of the students and to be able to work with someone to help them had those breakthroughs and understand what was very important to me. Right around the same time, I'd gotten married, and I had a son. And the marriage did not work out for a lot of reasons, which would you probably make a great podcast for someone who has to deal with the joys and sorrows of divorceand from that relationship,I had a son and I had custody of my son, I started raising my son from when he was from the age of two years old. And I was 24.I was working in corporate America, I was doing sales, I was doing sales for products. I was doing sales for services, like staffing and employee leasing. And I just realized for me that in or I couldn't live the life I wanted to as a single dad, going to school, getting my master's degree to continue to teach at night,as well as working during the day and wanting to be a good father. So I made one of the next big life decisions, I had to choose what was my number one priority in life. And I decided, for me, my number one priority was my son,which were then the Epiphany off of that was I couldn't be a good corporate employee, for me, because I wanted to be there for all those once in a lifetime moments from the first soccer game to the first field trip of school. And so I started the journey of trying to figure out what else I can do.With my abilities and skills, recognizing that I couldn't be all things to all people all the time.Around that time,entrepreneurship was just trying to get a little bit of traction in the world Entrepreneur magazine was out ink magazine and I was a voracious reader, reading all these stories of these people started in bootstrap their companies. And I knew at a time another group of people who had started in bootstrap their company, and they were doing what I thought was very well, they they, they, they weren't very high very quickly, and they ended up crashing because they were selling on price. And they didn't build any margin in the business. And they went out but they had a very, three to four-year run. That was I thought, from the outsider's perspective, very impressive. And I thought, huh, like maybe people were listening today identify that, well, they can do that. I can do that.So I wrote a business plan. a business plan was for $140,000 to start a temporary help company in Metro Detroit to plan around to the banks. And crazily enough, the bank said to me, Well, let's say you're a single father, you'dJust came out of a divorce, you have a ton of debt, and we're not going to listen to anybody at all. And it was very humbling. But I just kept talking to people and networking and having conversations about it. And I went and had lunch with an ex-boss of mine who had done well. And he said, Well, no, I'm not going to give you $140,000 Well, here's what I will do. I'm gonna challenge you to come back to me and tell you what the bare number you need is to start your company because I want to invest in you, the company secondary.And that was hugely empowering to get that message from a trusted older advisor to say I believe in you, the planet secondary. So I came back. As for $15,000, I started my company to a company called diversified industrial staffing. And we provided temporary help in Metro Detroit. And I went into that industry because I had worked in the industry in the past, so I knew how to do it, and I saw gaps in the marketplace that I thought I could fill in by day 72 we were profitable. So I gave myself about a 90-day window by day soReady to turn the corner, started hiring employees started growing and scaling the business, but not knowing what I needed to know.Flash forward nine years later, we were you know, we're having some highs and some lows in that timeframe, but doing okay2006 arrives. By September of that year, I was $600,000 in debt. I was two months away from running out of all of my money, including losing the house that my son and I lived in. I was deeply depressed, I was suffering from massive imposter syndrome because I thought I had to be all things to all people all the time. I had a toxic and dysfunctional culture. In my organization. I had employees that I didn't believe in they based on being poor performance of the company. I don't blame them. They didn't believe me. And I hired a coach on a credit card. And we work together. My mindset was awful. I was feeling very defeated by the life I was feeling verymyself my self-criticism, the IDIa bitty negative committee in my head was meeting daily telling me how awful I was doing. And I had a lot of mindset issues going through that. So we talked, we laid out a plan to turn around the company. And from that plan, I ended up having to make some difficult decisions. Because I had a breach of culture and a breach of trust within the organization. I didn't trust anyone who worked for me. So I walked in on September 9 of 2006. And I fired my entire company. So kind of a recap for the listener, I have $600,000 in debt, two months away from going to have all my money taken out of the additional expense of a coach. And I fired everybodythrough a lot of work through a lot of mindset shifting, such as every day, I had to do five positive things because my mindset was so incredibly negative. And I had to report it every day to my coach. What did I do? What like day three, I didn't report it. It's five o'clock phone rings, so I didn't get your text. What you do today. I didn't do anything. I didn't go in.And he read me the riot act. Like this is your business. You said you wanted to fix it.Don't waste my time. If you can't get out of bed by 905 you call me. That's my job. My job is to champion you through this. Because I told you if you work with me, we were into this thing around. I told you, you would not fail. I can only do that work. If you work with me. You've got to communicate and I chose not to. So I did five positive things before going to bed that night and resume the process started hiring people. Game of the process to hire for DNA, not for resume. I was always hiring state staffing industry people in the past. And I recognized that I had to shift how I did everything in the business, the coach was teaching don't just focus on revenue, you've got to focus on the margin business.Just about that time the recession kicks in.And we make the Inc 5000 is one of America's fastest-growing companies for the first six times. So to go from being $600,000 in debt to making the Inc 5006 times was not something I'd ever in my wildest dreams. Thinkhappened. Andfast forward, we pay off all the debt, they find the inflection point in the marketplace where we have increased demand and a diminished supply of people, we fill that gap in the center. In that filling of that gap, we're able to charge more to the customer for what we're doing. Get Paid faster, which pays off the debt quicker. And boom, they're there. There we go. We make the Inc 5000. And it's something thatit's it's just an incredible guy. It's such a great team working with me at the time, people were all focused on going in the right direction. We were doing the 90-day plans. We were doing your annual planning. But you know about five, six years ago, it dawned on me just because I could do something well, didn't mean I had a true love and a passion for the work.And it's funny, it was kind of like the emperor has no clothes syndrome. My whole staff knew it before I admitted to myself and I put together a plan to exit the business.Just two years ago, I started extraordinary advisors where I go around the globe telling people the story I just told your audience and talking about how you know, we have to work on our mindset. To grow your organization to grow your business, you have to grow yourself as a leader first. And, and now I've been fortunate. I've spoken in Toronto, I've spoken South Africa, I've spoken in Monterrey, Mexico, I've spoken all around the United States telling these stories about how entrepreneurs, there's a process to shift your mindset. There's a process to create a life by design.And I just had, you know, I just completed a one year engagement with a client, for example, he said, and the first year I've worked with Todd, my revenues have grown 70% my profits have grown by a factor of five x. So 500% growth in profits is not a bad thing. And he concludes the testimonial video I say, and I love my life, and I love my job.That's now become my purpose and my passion in life. And what it takes me back 30 years ago when I was teaching itThe university in the light bulb moments the students would have when I'm on stage, and someone has a light bulb moment by something I've shared with them. It's so soul-fulfilling. When a client sends something to me and they lean into those uncomfortable moments of, I don't know, my business is going to make it and they plug into my confidence in them. And then they turn the business around, they do the work, I just provide them some guidance. It's so incredibly rewarding that, you know, that I don't ever see myself retiring from coaching and speaking.I love that. It's, it's so cool. I'm excited to dive into a lot of these notes. But I think that that is the that's the journey of life and we are going to face aspects of this journey. And the question is, are we conscious of the journey or are we just allowing the journey to happen without any consciousness of what's happening? And one of the things you said just might work backward here. Like all the things that I love about thisBut before it there, there was a time So have you ever heard of Have you heard of Steve siebold? I have not. Okay, so Steve siebold and he has a book called The Hundred 77 mental toughness Secrets of the world-class. And, and if I remember correctly, his company had the contract with the Navy SEALs to do all the mental toughness coaching for them, like, okay and quality coach, the navy seals. So, for like 20 years his company had that contract. But one of the things that in this book he has like, his thoughts or his thoughts on one of the these hundred and 77, mental toughness secrets, and then he has an action step one of the action steps is to go and ask five people who are close closest to you, and basically who, what they see are your greatest gifts and why. Like, what is the top five reasons that you are guaranteed to succeed as anindividual. I love that's a great exercise. I've written this down. I've got the I will have this on my phone by the end of the day. Yeah, it's awesome. Anyways, I was just thinking, how often are we walking around our lives. We think we're good at something, we're succeeding whatever. And the other people around us, they're either they're too scared to tell us because we're in a position of authority over them. Or they just simply like, they don't want to derail us. They don't want to dissuade us from what we're doing. But really like, everybody around you can recognize that you're not in your passion and you have these very unique skills that if you just use those skills, to serve more people, you'd be happier because that's what like they can see that that's what lights your heart on fire. They don't have to like being told it, they can see that when you're performing a few simple activities. That's what gets you going. Everything else is the mundane stuff you don't enjoy but when you do those two activitiesWe don't accept it ourselves. because like you said, we want to be that everyone that everything man. Well, I think it's it's important for that. So going back to the people, you surround yourself with them, I'm part of a group called to the entrepreneur's organization. I've got a forum that I've been in the same form for 17 years. And when I told my forum mates, it is thinking of leaving the recruiting business and starting coaching, advising business. They were all for it because they said, You're the best coach on our table. You've given us the most knowledge and give back and learning. And ultimately what we did, we did an exercise. So similar. Again, I got to get the Siebel book, where we took a look at how do we define success in our 20s and 30s. And it was typically and which is nothing wrong with this. And listen, I'm a capitalist first and foremost, anybody should work for free. But the piece became like we used to define success as money houses, a wealth of a financial perspective, that was the definition of success. And then I saw a quote from Tony Robbins, and it shifted everything for me. So nowMy version of success to tie into your point is a success is doing what I want where I want with whom I want to do it with as often as I want to go do it. So if I'm, you know, I, I've been working a lot with some some students, and I've got a student that I worked with, he's signing his national letter of intent on Monday for baseball. He's going to go he's got a four year guaranteed ride to get his education. And I've worked with him on mindset. And it baseball is a very, he's a pitcher, and it's very complicated sport for him to get his his athletic abilities off the charts is getting his mindset caught up with it. And I've worked with him as a favor to his dad for free. That is such a rewarding thing because I'm doing what I want. I'm helping this young man, who I really think is a great kid, and he just needs some guidance, where I want we typically go have lunch and I'm happy to pay for it. When I want whatever. It's helping him be helping him at 17 create a life by design. And if he never makes pro ball, that's okay. But he's getting his education paid for he's gonna learn so much in this process and itThat work for me, just fills me up. So whether it's a 1617 year old kid, or it's a 50 year old CEO that, that success for me, but it's so different than what I thought was in my 20s and 30s, when success was gonna turn out to be, yeah, and it's something that that, as you mentioned, other people saw on you before you were alluding to. Exactly, exactly. And, and that's why it's so important to surround yourself. For me. I want to surround myself with people. It's funny because one of my core values is candidness, or candor, rather. And it's important for me to surround myself with people who are willing to just tell me bluntly, what they think about megood or bad, because it doesn't really affect me that much as far as like, what somebody thinks. But if nobody's willing to tell me that they think I'm wrong or that they think I should be doing something different, then I'm screwed ultimately, I I naturally have a confident voice. I naturally come across as like this is fact that it served me very well to have thatThat gait and tone in my my verbiage in my in my business as a leader it serves you but it also if you don't have other strong people around you that can hold you back because then everybody just lockstep follows you rather than saying no, we needed need to do something different you're better in this other area. Let me do that. You go do what you're better. And so I love that aspect of just finding people who are willing to recognize in you your giftedness and and encourage you to chase that sooner in your life. I think that's a really excellent point. I was just with the leadership team the other day 10 leaders in the room. And the CEO had been really the elephant in the room and had was not letting his team do their jobs, because he was just overpowering. So we created a process where we will go around the room to lay out the quarterly plan. And I had leader promise that he would speak last so he could hear and solicit the best ideas that said you've got a brilliant teamYou're paying them a lot of money, and you're holding them back. And you don't even realize it. And we had a real deep dive. It was why I want their ideas. I said, you have to speak last you mean it because the power of the room will drive the organization much stronger. The power of 10 versus the power of one. So we spent a lot of time so three or four people go around the room. CEO chimes in, I'm like, stop it, stop it. But I said, explain everybody upfront that he was supposed to speak less. So then it became a running joke. What it did is it took a lot of the governor's off of the other leaders in the room, you know, the chief marketing officer, it's really an ideas. CEO, I'd never heard them because he thought he had the best ideas, change the dynamic. The business, I think is gonna just take off like a, like the hockey stick of growth, because the leader was able to subordinate his natural instinct to dominate the room because he's usually the smartest one in the room. You get the power of everybody going for because you agreed to speak last. And by the end of it, he was so thankful. He's like, Oh my gosh, this is the best thing.we've ever had people feel buoyant, they feel encouraged, they feel empowered. And basically, all I did was say yes to other ideas. Because honestly, most of them were better than my ideas. Such a such a great opportunity for him to get that feedback from the room that he could have a better organization with the power in the leadership of a bunch of people not having to rely on themselves. Yeah, absolutely. I just know for myself from a perspective of being the leader.I'm aware that I'm just pulling stuff out of my butt most of the time, like, Yeah, let's do this. And I just say it confidently and be like, okay, yeah, let's do it. It's like no, if that's not the way that we should be, like, tell me, but because nobody's offering any advice, we just do it, you know, and we either fail forward or we we launch forward, but it's so it's just a fascinating aspect of humanity, where we have to balance that and as a leader if you're leading in your family, in your faith, and in your fitness wherever your you're leading currently beaware that there's people who have ideas, there's people who have thoughts that you're probably that are probably not being expressed because of, and I hate to use the word fear, but it is a little bit of fearof rejection at the very best. And at the very worst, their fear of losing their job or something a lot worse than that. No, I would, I would say there's an additional pink elephant The room is that fear of criticism, that fear of being shut down. I mean, think about it from a from a small child's perspective, if the parent is constantly dumping on them, you know, your ideas are terrible, you, your kids are naturally born with massive curiosity. And often the parents will call a crush that within the child not even knowing it thinking safety, first, good social protocols with social behaviors, then we do that as leaders with our teams because we essentially have the final say, so we can, it's it's such an art to be able to let your team know that that there is you're free to share ideas. You're free to disagree and there will be in you don't have to worryfear of reprisal or the fear of, of being terminated because ultimately we do control whether they stay or they go, the flipside in today's economy where there are 600,000 more manufacturing jobs, for example, than there are people that fill them. It really is a candidate market. So I'm trying to get employers to recognize like, the number one reason someone leaves a company isn't money, isn't ours is it's you. It's the leader. The greatest the number one source of your next great employee, are your current employees. So if you're a good leader, you buying it and people are going to tell their friends, hey, I work at this place. I work at this place, come work with us. So the leader can shift so much by allowing that that creative tension in the room to allow others to be able to express themselves especially with millennials. I have to tell people this constantly. Millennials are part of their mindset and how they were raised is they like to be part of a team. They like to think they need to be heard, but they realize that you ultimately have the funds but they want their voice in the room. They want their voice out of the decision. They recognize itSomeone else is going to ultimately have that decision. But they want to be heard and they're willing to trade money for freedom and flexibility. So don't demand a millennial is the first one in last one out like they didn't, my generation doesn't work that way anymore. So I think there's a lot of different things that you're talking about today, they can have wide cross appeal, ultimately, for the leader to have a more enjoyable life by design. But the greatest leader can do is build other leaders by teaching them they're part of a company by design, they're able to create titles by design, they're able to do a lot of different things under the surface so that they are enjoying the work they do is that they don't enjoy working for you. They're going to go want to go someplace where they do enjoy the work and the people they work with. Yep. 100% 100%. So moving back even farther into your story, because there's a few things that again, these are key things because there's so many people who are discounting their skills, they're discounting their passions or discounting what they're good at, for multiple reasons, but in your story onhighlight just a few of them.One of them is that we we have this opinion that a hobby and a passion. If we're being compensated for it, then it's no longer fun. Like, I don't understand that honestly, like, why is it that? Like, what do you think is happening in somebody's mind that as soon as they enjoy something as soon as they're being compensated for it, they're like, yeah, this isn't worth getting paid for. I still love it. But it's not worth getting paid for, like, what's that? Why is it that when we have a demand on us, and we have an expectation put on our hobby and passion, it's no longer fun? Well, I think part of it goes into I think our brains need to have a certain place to go to to relax. hobbies are up in those places. So as you mentioned earlier that you know, I have a large sports memorabilia collection, which I do. I've been asked multiple times do I want to get into the sports memorabilia business, and I really don't love the hobby. I have a passion in the skill set for growing leaders, which isNothing to do with my hobby. So I think we as multi multi dimensional creatures on the earth, we can have lots of different hobbies. But I think we also have to figure out what what is our what is our zone of genius. My zone of genius is not autographed by zone of genius is not baseball. I happen to enjoy it. But my I think my zone of uniqueness is growing and helping leaders through my experiences and through some best practices to grow their themselves and to grow their business. I enjoyed writing, but when I felt like when I had the, the freedoms of, of creativity removed, and I was instead, I used to create my own stories at the high school newspaper, at the college newspaper, I was assigned stories and I just wasn't interested in. I remember going back even being a student. I did really well in the classes. I was really interested in the classes I just needed to get through to get out of school. I did the barest of minimum. So that's how my brain worked.No, I love that because I think that there's a recognition there that maybe not everybody's conscious of. And that is that there's, you can be good at a lot of things you can love doing a lot of things. But ultimately,that, for me, it's almost like a sense of duty. I feel like because you said, your zone of genius, right? Yeah. Sometimes, sometimes you have a zone of genius, that really isn't the thing that you received the most fulfillment from. Right. But you recognize that this is a gift that you've been given really, with the purpose to share it with the world. And so it's almost like a duty to share that gift with the world and fully express that. Wow, still have having other areas and then grow to have fun doing your zone of genius. I think I think there's some truth in that. It's interesting. So a lot. We're talking about athletes before we got on the broadcast.You know, we're in Detroit, we've got Barry Sanders and Calvin Johnson, both excellent football players, what they what they talk about now that they both they both retired really early, they had many years left in their bodies to give to the game. The saying, Yeah, I enjoyed playing the game. I had an ability and a skill set that compensated me Well, I never loved playing the game. And I don't like being defined as just a football player. I want to do more with myself where you get other guys who, you know, I know. I still play competitive baseball around the country playing Michigan and play in Florida. I play in Phoenix and there are guys who love the game who are passionate about the game and do not have any ability to play the game. They just they just have no ability and they don't have that that you that gift. I think we all have gifts and I think part of is a figure out what our gift is. I've got friends who are who are excellent guitar players. And then I know people who are excellent musicians. There is a gap in their skill set. There's a gap with the marketplace.We'll pay them for, and it's getting to understand there's nothing wrong to recognize it, that self awareness comes into play. Hey, I love to play the guitar. And if someone wants to pay me to play 12 hours a day, I'd be happy to. The reality is nobody wants to pay me 12 hours a day to play the guitar. Whereas other guy can just, he's a virtual. So now if he has, if you have a virtual CIO with a passion for the hobby, a passion for the guitar passion for business, and I know serial entrepreneurs, Richard Branson's owns what 5060 companies, he loves owning businesses. What he doesn't love is he doesn't love operating the business. So again, is that Where's your zone of genius? Where's your unique contribution to the earth? And if you're, if you have a skill that you really love, but nobody really wants to pay for, but want to recognize that's a great hobby, and a great passion, but it's not something that you're able to feed your family on. Yeah, so now we're gonna go we're gonna go one step further here because I love I love where this is going. First off for you, whoever is listening, think about what is your zone of genius. What is yourgiftedness What is your one thing that that really that's what you feel you're meant to bring to this this earth and to share with with other people because I believe everything, at least for me, I try and structure my life around service, love and contribution. Like those those things are high on my list of what I want to be doing with my life are activities where I feel like I can fulfill that. But here's here's the next thing that I want the next limiting belief I find them limiting beliefs. When I'm talking with coaches, and I'm talking with different people.You were a teacher at college and you liked being a teacher you liked the seeing the light bulb go off. I love that I was one of my highest. Well, it was funny because I wasat a retreat a few months back and they asked us to write down a list of stuff that fulfills so I'm going to read a few things that are things that fulfill me and it was funny because if we contrast this list with my wife's list, and I'm doing things that fulfill meAlmost every every day, at least everything on this list happens once a month, if not more often on her list. It's like her list of stuff that fulfills her is smaller. And it also is not happening as often.Yeah, some of the things that really I love doing is leading other people's leading other people to Christ, seeing confidence come in somebody's eyes, personal development, business development, striving for excellence, seeing other people love creating transformation in people and having just conversations with random people. So I love all these, these things that I'm doing.But I used to think, well, I can't get paid for doing those things, right. And most teachers in America in America and I don't know how it is in other countries, but in America, most teachers, they just don't get paid very well. Okay, and I'm gonna I'm putting this in air quotes. If you're watching this because this is huge. People think that theyskill set. Maybe they like playing the guitar 10 hours a day or 12 hours a day. And they think, well, nobody's gonna pay me for it. And I would at least challenge it. Now, I'm not saying you have to go this route. But guess what, in my opinion, Todd is doing nothing more now than he was back then he's still teaching people. The question is, where are you trying to employ your, your giftedness or your talent or your passion? Agree? What's the venue that you're trying to do it? I have, I have clients who are teachers, and they teach at a high school at or a grade school and they get paid 30 $40,000 a year. I mean, it's just like, not very much. Then I have clients who are teaching the same exact content, but they're doing it in an online forum.And they're teaching multiple more students at once getting paid 100 plus thousand dollars a year. And the difference is where are you employing your skill? So maybe it's dancing, maybe it's being a chef, I had a guest on podcast A while back, who's a chef who has rose in the ranks in the hospital andWhat's the word? hotel industry wasn't getting paid what he wanted to get paid, stepped out of that became a just a consultant chef who would come in to an organization and reorganize the chef world in that organization, the food, the food, world, cafeteria, whatever, restaurant, and then he would move. So he was now a consultant chef rather than a salaried chef, and 10 times his income, right? So it's these smaller things is where are you actually choosing to employ your giftedness rather than, Oh, I can't make money at this. I gotta go find something else. No, find out where you can employ it. That's really going to give you the return that fits with your lifestyle. Right. One of my favorite speakers in the last 10 years is a guy named David Rendell. And he has a book called The freak factor and his whole theme, ology is what's you know, we often don't recognize the things that we get criticism for are really our unique ability. His tagline isWhat's weird makes you wonderful. And any any talks about, you know, being a case six, seven. So he's tall wherever he goes, he can't hide himself, right? And people think, wow, there's a lot of advantages to being tall. And then he talks about the disadvantages of being tall. And they talk that he part of his speech moves into talking about how he was guided by his by his his high school and college or his high school in elementary school. And he goes, I was told to, I talk too much. I have too many opinions, and I can't sit still as a kid. So those became my limiting beliefs. Now, as an adult, I get paid to talk, I get paid to move around, and I get paid to share opinions. And then they had great living. So that's that when I saw him, he blew my mind because I'm like, Oh, my gosh, the reinforcement we get is what's, you know, the things that we do are wrong or bad, you know, parents, teachers, things like that. But Dave was so wise to figure out is, what's weird makes you wonderful. So if you're someone like you're talking about who has he has skills,And abilities, your challenges and entrepreneur, your challenges, even a solo practitioners to figure out where can I apply my zone of genius, my unique abilities, which maybe other people told me 15 2030 years ago were weaknesses, which are actually strengths? And how do I apply them in a way that I'm earning the type of living that I want to earn. But the but the other part of it is you have to I found, what you're talking about is you have to be able to demonstrate a very clear return on investment for the buyer. You have, you know, I tell my clients, whatever you spend with me, you should expect to get four to six times return on investment. So that the client who just reported that they they've grown their revenue by 70%, and their profits by a factor of five x are they're thrilled they're getting 500% return on their investment with me. But that's the work that they've done. And so much of the work I've done with them was just like what you're talking about is getting them to figure out what do they do well, what do they do that nobody else in the world can do? How do they charge more for that, but still keep it cost?effective for the marketplace? And then how do they do that over and over and over and over again? Mm hmm. Absolutely. And I think that's, that's where hiring a coach can really add a lot of value into it. And so how many? Again, these are the common things that I come up against, and people are asking me, but how many people do you thinkwho have gotten to your position? Right who have reached the I'm gonna call it success, not just financial success, butoverall, in general, fulfilling their passion? How many of those people do you think started, their businesses started and they're getting the help they needed through some form of debt, whether that's credit cards, business loans, personal loans, so I'm excited when I look at protesting I don't, I'm gonna take your debt even a step further, and I'll get back to the money but but I think we have I for me, I had an internal self esteem debt. I had to prove to the world I could do this. I had to proveI was chasing a ghost. I have a client who recently shared with me that, you know, we probably broke him down against him. So why are you still so unhappy? I just wanted to prove I want to, I wanted to prove to my dad that I'm success is awesome. Let me let's set up a call with your dad. And we can talk about is my dad's been gone for 15 years. Like, wow. So he's he's now dealing with the ghost. So we have an internal debt. And what we fail to realize, I think most entrepreneurs are often self reliant. And we're rugged individualists. I know I was in this very clear in my arc of, of knowledge that that I needed coaching all the way and I had coaching and when I didn't have coaching is when I went down because I wasn't mature enough or savvy enough to have that outside person. Give me that perspective that I greatly needed. My father passed away when I was five years old, and my older brother lived across the country. So we didn't interact all the time and I'm an isolating, I think I've got this down and you are from the generation where we don't talk about our problems.anybody listening talking about your problems? You know, it's it's, there's a community of people out there that will listen. So I created my own debt. So it's almost as if you when you talk about the debt question, so I think we have an internal debt, we have an external debt, we give it to others. So if you've never seen anybody who's had battles with drugs and alcohol, they go, they have to hit what they call bottom. In order to get help. The first step is to ask for help. My journey was no different. Now my battle was with with debt in bad decisions, and self esteem, where other people deal with drugs and alcohol. But if you take a look at the behavior patterns of both categories, they're very eerily eerily similar. Entrepreneurs just focus their, their their issues on growing a business, but their disruptive behaviors with family and time and money are very classically similar. So I think to your question we all have, we all have challenges we all you know, for me, I can't work with a client until they're ready to change. My coach couldn't work with me until I was ready to change he asked me a lot of Are you ready toHave you had enough of this kind of questions we did. That was brilliant. I do that now. And the great thing about it is I've recognized and realized that I part of my life issues in life is I'm never satisfied, which makes me a lifelong learner. So I still have a coach in my life today. He's not a business coach. He's a neuroscientist, and he teaches me how my brain works. So I can stop doing the things that really drive me crazy and drive others crazy so I can do more of the things I enjoy and making others, you know, making the world a better place. So for, I think, the savvy person, the savvy entrepreneur recognizes that coaching is always needed. If you take a look at sports, Tiger Woods as a Swing Coach, Mike trout has a hitting coach, Nolan Ryan had a pitching coach, you know, in sports, it's encouraged that coaching is always going to be a part of your life. So you never take it out. But we go to university, we go to school, and I think goodness, I'm done learning. I'm done having teachers.I'm a big believer that we always have to have either peopleto peer learning, like in an EEO, coaching, like the services I provide, maybe you provide for, you know, that close, close, tight network of mastermind groups, coaching is is part of it. They say it takes a community to raise a child, I argue it takes a community to raise an entrepreneur too. Mm hmm. No, I completely agree. So, you got a little bit into this, but I want to,I would love for you to share even more in detail. But how is the the what are the parallels between entrepreneurial mindset and the 12 step recovery program? That's, you know, no one's ever really asked me that. And I certainly want to I want to preface it by saying I'm not a licensed counselor. I have personally never been through a 12 step program.But I have clients that have people intimately in my life who have so I'm going to kind of do my best to answer the question, but I want to make sure that people know you know, call me you know, reach out on my website, hey, I, you know, I need I need help with drugs and alcohol. That's not my area of expertise. So if you take a look at that,The entrepreneurial mindset as well as the the mindset of someone who's got a substance challenge. Typically, there's there's a, there's a I'm not good enough mindset attached. So we take they take the drugs and the alcohol to numb the feelings numb the pain, and it create a different version of themselves. A lot of entrepreneurs start a business to prove something to themselves because they feel deficient. They feel deficient either internally or they feel deficient inthe messages they received from childhood and how they behave. Then there be those deficiencies and create behaviors, those behaviors then exhibit themselves and some things that worked well. So they I when I was in college, I'd go out and drink and I had a great time. When I'm in my 40s I go out and drink and I feel like like I'm gonna die. I'm really mean to people. So a behavior may be work for them at one point socially, but then it became too much and it didn't work for them socially. Same with entrepreneurship. I'm a rugged individualist, I've grown my business, I've self reliant. I've taken it from, you know, 300,000 to 900,000. I've reached a ceiling of complexity.Well, I'm just gonna keep doing the same things I did 300,000 at 900,000, it doesn't work, the business is different. And you're building yourself a job now you're building yourself a company. And I've had clients say to me, I want to be on the Inc 5006 times like you were it. I said, that's a great goal. But that wasn't why I did what I did, in getting the ocean, why they do what they do. And a lot of times, why entrepreneurs do what they do, is to feed something into fill something with inside of themselves, just like the addict is wanting to feed and feel something inside of themselves. So part of it is to recognize those both categories have fear and self doubt.And often that self doubt turns into self loathing, depending on where they are in the journey. And the a lot of entrepreneurs suffer from imposter syndrome. I did you walk into a room of other entrepreneurs and other successful people being by society and you feel like, I'm not worthy. I don't belong here. I don't want to be a part of a club that would have me in it.PeopleDrug and Alcohol it dependencies feel like, I'm not worthy, I'm letting my family down. They don't know. They think they're hiding it. It's like I thought I was hiding some of my things. There, a lot of the traits and the behaviors are exhibited.Or the underlying algorithm for techies, the underlying algorithm is the same. They're just exhibited differently. So I always tell people like this, that I had to hit bottom in order to change. People say, Well, I want you to come in and change my company and change my leadership team. I can't do that. I have to work with the leader and the entrepreneur, they have to work on changing themselves and how they approach their team, how they approach their business and how they contribute to it. No different than the drug addict or the alcoholic who says, Yeah, it's my failure. The screwed up, I'm fine.Yep, know exactly that with my clients. When I work with them on a financial basis. They often they're like, I just want to talk about money, am I I'm not talking about money, like almost ever. 95% of what I do with my clients has nothing to do with money has everything to do with you.Your legacy, how do you want to be remembered? What are your core values? How do you receive fulfillment? Once we identify some of these basic foundational principles, thennow that that then all the confusion about the money concept where you're putting your money, how I'm talking, I mean, I've had a few clients now where you sit down with them, and they just are unaware of where their money is going. You ask them okay, well, let's let's track this Penny by penny. And turns out they're spending hundreds of dollars on fast food, snacks, drinks, or whatever. One of my clients out over $1,000 on fast food eating out, wow, it's like it. I have no problem. Like, whatever you feel fulfills you do it right. I'm not here to tell you whether it's good or bad. But I am going to challenge you and ask you, is it serving your legacy? Is it serving your core values? And does it really give you fulfillment? If the answer is none of those, thenthen why are we doing and then allow them to choose how they want to continue moving forward, but all of thathas to start with, again, who you are, what's your mindset, all these things and it has nothing to do with the actual manifestation of the activities that the money spending habits. It has to do with the indecision about who you want to become and what you want to leave. I think that's brilliant. I love the fulfillment question because so many entrepreneurs say I just want to be happy. I used to say, I just want to be happy and part of the the generation, you know, go to school, get married, start a family, get a great career and just be happy was kind of that that was how my family believed. And that was drilled into me talking to my current coach, and I was very frustrated one day he's like, so here I have a prescription for happiness.eat chocolate and then go to the gym. Because a spike of dopamine is the only way you're going to be happy. And he goes that he was they actually told me the story about how they did with lab rats and how they disliked them with me, and it made them absolutely insane. He was and he challenged me it's become a platform for what I do know, swap out happiness for satisfaction.Because satisfaction is a journey satisfyingis a hero's journey. And we look at your legacy. When you look back on your life, the only thing we take with is our memories. I mean, we can have all the money in the world, but we can't cheat that it's not going to buy us out of it didn't work for Steve Jobs. It's not gonna work for me. But what is our what is our satisfaction, and you take a look at the baby steps through the start of something to the end of the journey have a satisfying experience. There are highs and lows. It is the hero's journey, where if we're just focused on just being happy all the time, we're going to live a massive sense of disappointment. And if our only measure of having a successful life is cash, cash is a byproduct of other activities. So I think your question of fulfillment is spot on. Yeah. Well, thank you. I think so too. That's why I asked it but I just have loved having you on the guests. having you as a guest on the podcast. If we want to connect with you reach out and look for maybe coaching or conversation what where's the best place to connect with us on social media website? where's the best place to get a hold of you? The best place to get a hold of me is actually on mywebsite and I love the whole theme of the show of legacy because I'm really a legacy play in my life. Most entrepreneurs I think start their business we've talked about for a while to satisfy something with inside themselves to prove something to someone or someone else that they can do something. For me being an extraordinary advisors is my legacy. I've written one book, I so yeah, I guess I live on Amazon forever. But the legacy for me is having rich in conversations like we've had this morning. So I love anybody wants to connect with me on my website, extraordinary advisors, calm, I'm happy to give you a half hour of my time for free, no cost, to have an enriching conversation that's important to you. But my goal is to listen to absorb and then I'll respond so I can be of great service to you. And it's my opportunity to be able to I don't want to bother you. I know it's an opportunity for me to do what I love. It's an opportunity for me to connect with people have enriching conversations, and it allows me a part of my legacy thought process is to pay back all the great coaches and teachers I've had along my journey. A lot of them who never know the impact they've made on me, so please, anybody's interested. They gotvalue out of our conversation today. Please reach out at extraordinary advisors calm and I'm happy to give you 30 minutes. I love that. Okay, so really quickstory time for me. So I was listening to another podcast called entrepreneurs on fire. by john Lee Dumas he does that podcast and 2017 and 2017 I was working my butt off 4050 hours a week trying to make my business work struggling and listen to this podcast and a coach and other coach she lived up in Canada offered a 30 minute coaching call for free and I was just at the right moment where I was struggling enough that I was willing to call you know I was I had set my ego down I'm telling you guys this story so you can do the same right? I set my ego down and I got on the phone call is January two sorry December 23. A few days before Christmas and on this coaching callWith her, and in half an hour, we got to the bottom of that I flat out did not believe I was worthy of success. I didn't believe I was worthy of being a thought and I'm not saying that this is going to be your your story, but this was my story and what a half an hour can do for you.My income, monthly income from 2017 to 2018 quadrupled wow or x my income by simply once I recognize this is simply a worthiness issue. I put I am worthy in multiple contexts into my daily affirmations, and four times my income I'd like a half an hour of Todd's time, I promise you is worth it. If you're gonna get more specific questions answered, I promise you it's worth it. Don't miss out on that. And I can't express that enough because it was a half an hour coaching call that completely changed the trajectory of my life. That's awesome. What a great experience. share that. Thank you so much for sharing thatYeah, no, I love it. So please reach out to him. I'm grateful that I've had an hour of his time but, and you can go back and re listen to this podcast. But really, really think about that. And, and what it means for you and what it could mean for you moving forward, if you just got on a call, and were to identify one thing, one belief that you have that's not serving you. What could that do for your life and not about you and your income, because it's not about me and my income. It's about my wife and my kids and how I'm providing for them and how I'm able to now go back and serve more to help more people because I'm now financially stable. So, like,take the half hour, it's worth it every second of the day, okay. And the link will be in the show notes here. And you can just click the link to his website and go I'm assuming go get registered on your website for that half. Yeah, absolutely. We'll get it set up. Awesome. So here are the last two sections of the podcasts got about three minutes left. Sothis is called legacy on rapid fire. So I'mAsk you five questions and looking for one word or one sentence answers. If you use one word for the first question I'm gonna ask you to clarify. Okay, fair enough. So what do you believe is holding you back from reaching the next level of your legacy today?I think the thing holding me back right now is a lack of awareness in the marketplace of what I'm able to deliver. I love that. Okay, and what what is the hardest thing you've ever accomplished in your life?Oh my gosh, Ithink the hardest thing personally and I don't think I've ever shared this on a podcast is the three year custody battle that I fought by myself as a as a attorney improper to get custody of my son is by far my life's biggest accomplishment. That's cool. So that was that's what was gonna be the next question is what's your greatest success at this point in your life, getting custody of my son raising a great young man. He's a 28 year old account now from a personal perspective, and I thinkMy greatest business success isn't being on the Inc 5006 times it's honoring my commitments to others and paying that $600,000 in debt. I love that. See, that's so cool. It's comes back to what are the values, one of the core things and about an individual and integrity. And that's the great success is when you're getting the satisfaction, fulfillment of keeping your word. It's not what you build. It's about who have you as an individual become. It's the small distinctions I promise you that are separating the people who are leading the world from the people who are following in the world is the small distinctions of how they identify themselves and their inner values and who they've chosen to be. The next question is, what what is one of your secrets you believe contributes most to your success?I think really, one of my biggest secrets is getting rid of the word expectation and replacing it with the word intention.Fantastic. And what are two or three books that you would recommend to the fuel your legacy audience okay.So for me, I'll give you a couple. I mentioned one earlier freak factor from David Rendell. It really helps you figure out who your your your uniqueness is to the world. And it may not be what you think which I was really blown away by.One of the most pivotal pivotal books that I ever read for just pure business was good to great by Jim Collins, and the stories in there. I use his Stockdale paradox story when I speak to audiences. And the last one.Now, I've listened to this book now almost five times on Audible, known for less than two years. It's called the book. The book is better got it right here. It's the it's the subtle art of not giving a blank by Mark Manson. And what I like about that book is it really helps reframe your mindset around every aspect of life. talks about dating, he talks about kids, he talks about himself he talks about business and always driving like your shows.talk about today is what legacy Do you want to have? How do you want to be show? How do you want to show up in the world? And how do you want to be seen? And how is it that you can be exactly where you want to be and be okay with yourself at the same timethat now, maybe I'll get that book from my way. It's, it's, it's powerful. We did a we did a mastermind Leadership Retreat just based around that book. That's it and it's giving yourself that it's a such a permission. And while it's got a lot of blue language in it, I find this humor to be incredibly funny, so it takes a lot to offend me. But I like his, he tells us the story of the band of Metallica and how their original guitarist Dave Mustaine, who then went on to find a very successful hard rock band was still very jealous of not being in Metallica anymore. You compare that to him, he created a band called Megadeth that he went and talked about Pete best, who was the Beatles drummer before Ringo Starr and how they threw him out of the band.before their first album, now he had gone through the journey and how he made peace with that choice and how he was now living his life and didn't have jealousy for the four Beatles. He goes, it kind of goes, I have enough money to live my life comfortably. I can walk down the street, Paul McCartney can. Yeah, so true. like looking at the freedom of life, what you actually have, where Dave Mustaine was complaining about you know, I could I could have bet you I could have been in the biggest band in the world and you threw me out and you didn't let me do this and you didn't you get an alcohol issue. Started Megadeth which is sold 2030 million albums. It's not there. Nobody's ever heard of him. But he's still had that weird jealousy and issues with something that where Pete best is like, you know, life is good. Yeah, that's funny. perception, man. Everything's perception. Okay, here's my favorite question. So I saved it for last I love when surprise for people on this show. But we're going to pretend that you're dead now.Okay, and you are able to comeBack in whatever form you believe in, and view, your great, great, great, great, great grandchildren sitting around a table discussing your life. So this is six generations about 200 years from now. Okay, discussing your legacy in your lifetime. I want to know what do you want your great great, great, great grandchildren to be saying about your legacy in your life and what you brought to the earth?I would want them to saythat he was a lifelong learner.who, through trials and tribulations, discovered his authenticity, his transparency and was able to demonstrate his vulnerability to be at the service of others. Awesome. And if you've been listening to this podcast, which hopefully you didn't just skip to the end, but I think that that is an absolute alignment with who taught is it took him a while sometimes to get there throughout throughout his life to really identify that, but as soon as he has identified it, he's been living that and he's helping other people live the same. So that is it.I love that when it's in alignment, sometimes people answer that and it's not in alignment with the whole podcast like, hey, well, you got some work to do. Absolutely. It's so important. It's, it's human beings, I've discovered you can be a great speaker and not connect with your audience because parts of them don't believe that your your behaviors, your energies and your message are out of alignment with how you come across. So I may not be the world's greatest speaker. But I want people to feel that they're getting the real deal. And people are getting my clients getting or getting a real experience versus just a bunch of catchphrases and a bunch of polish and a bunch of sometimes even Shock Value like this is, I mean, I was literally $600,000 in debt. I literally fired all of my employees. I was literally a single parent who fought for custody for three years. AndI'm doing more than just fine. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And you're addingAnd even financially, that's one area but like you're really happy, satisfied, fulfilled. And you can see that you can see when somebody's completely relaxed and zero stress on their in their life. Sure, for external I mean, we always put have a level of stress we put on ourselves so we can continue to,to produce and excel and grow, which is kind of the lifelong learner thing. We were conscious that we don't know everything yet, which is a good thing. But it's not like we're feeling depressed or anxious about the future. Because that that's taken care of now. It's just pure creation mode. So I love it. Yeah, exactly. Cool. Well, thank you so much. And definitely again, go check out his website, take advantage of the free 30 minute. I hate to say free I just hate the word free because people don't value it as much. This is life changing and it could quadruple your income if you could double your income. If it could help you sleep an extra hour at night because you have a little bit more peace in your life. What is that?Is that worth to you? It's not free because the cost of not doing it is all that time all that pain that you are in not knowing. Right? Well, very well said Sir. Very well said. Okay. Anyways, I'll get off my soapbox. I'm super grateful party, Toddfor having me today. I had a great time. Yeah, thank you and we'll catch you guys next time on fuel your legacy.Thanks for joining us if what you heard today resonates with you please like comment and share on social media tag me and if you do give me a shout out I'll give you a shout out on the next episode. Thanks to all those who've left a review. It helps spread the message of what it takes to build a legacy that lasts and we'll catch you next time on fuel your legacy.

Regular guest Matt Courtois returns to discuss teaching groups of young learners online. We focus on some of the advantages of online teaching – what is it possible to do online, that isn’t possible to do offline? How to get students to genuinely and meaningfully communicate with each other online? And why tech problems and glitches might actually be the best part of online language lessons.Ross Thorburn: Hi, everyone. Welcome back to "TEFL Training Institute Podcast." I'm Ross Thorburn. This week, my guest, returning once again, is Matt Courtois.Matt Courtois: Hey, it's good be back.Ross: It's good to have you back. Matt, you and I used to work together in the same company. A large part of what you were doing was training teachers to teach online lessons of groups of students.Obviously, lots of teachers now all over the world are teaching groups of students online, so pretty cool to get your ideas and experience of doing that.Matt: Also, where I'm working now, we're doing the same thing that I think a lot of people are going through, and then we're transitioning our face‑to‑face classes to online.Ross: In your experience of doing this, both now and in the past, what do you think are some of the biggest challenges for teachers?Matt: One thing that every teacher...Actually, it was my first instinct as well, whenever I move to an online company, was thinking about, what do we do in a "real" classroom? Basically, figure out, right now, let's do that online, which is all good.It limits you because there are things that you can do online that you can't do in your regular classroom. First of all, teaching online is a real classroom. Secondly, there's a lot of advantages that teaching online has that you wouldn't even know how to do in a real classroom.Ross: I'm imagining here like a Venn diagram. It's like, what teachers tend to do online is just the stuff that overlaps often with teaching offline.Matt: One of the challenges that I still struggle with in training teachers online is trying to consider how can you get students to interact more. You've run Skype meetings, I've run Skype meetings, or zoom meetings, or whatever platform you're using.It ends up being a lecture. You don't get the participation you would in a normal training. It's just the nature of the way those platforms work. You can't get 10 people talking at the same time when working on a project.Ross: You can't do that thing of turnaround to speak to your partner now and discuss this if it's 10 people all sharing the same online space. What do you think are some ways that teachers can get students to interact with each other online in those group classes?Matt: I think the nicest way that a lot of platforms use, the most logical way to get all your students interacting at the same time is if you have six students, break them up into three different breakout rooms. They can talk for five minutes. Then you gather back together at the end, and you can debrief what they came up with in those five minutes in their breakout rooms.Ross: I can imagine there being a lot of trepidation from teachers in using them. It really is like a complete blind spot. If you're setting up group work in a class, you can kind of hear what everyone's doing at the same time, but as soon as they're in different, literally different rooms, it's absolutely impossible to hear what's going on.I guess maybe some tips for teachers in setting those up would be to be really clear about what you expect students to be able to come back at the end of the five minutes and be able to do or present and be super specific in the instructions.Matt: That goes with something I recommend telling teachers during class. Tell your students, go and get something from your house. You're talking about food, like tell students go to your refrigerator and find some food that you can present or show off.Again, you do have to consider, if you don't set a time limit, you might have some students that are gone for 15, 20 minutes. Because going on the refrigerator can be a point of distraction with some people.[laughter]Ross: Yeah, that's such a good point. I feel that's the other side of that Venn diagram. It's something that's possible to do online but not offline, is get real stuff from your house and from the students' houses, and bring them together and show them and compare them.Matt: Some obvious sets of stuff that everyone has in their house. You've got your furniture, different rooms. I had a teacher who's doing a demo with me. I was the fake student. She was doing the different rooms in the house. She basically would say, instead of take your computer to the bathroom or the bedroom ‑‑ it's too difficult; it's an invasion, almost.Instead, what she said, "Go to your bathroom and find a toothbrush. Bring your toothbrush back here and then go to your bedroom and find your pillow." It's vocabulary within the room. You can practice some of that.Different rooms, food, family members, presumably you're in your house with your family. For little children, especially, you can say, bring your parents here and introduced them to the class.Ross: You could do some cool translation activities with that as well. Like, get grandma, and you ask the question in English, the other student has to translate it into grandma's first language, then you do that back the way.Matt: Another huge way ‑‑ this is probably the best way you can get all your students talking in the same time with that breakout rooms ‑‑ is have them do the role play with their parents.It's great for parents too, because I think a lot of parents want to see that their children are learning and there's evidence of them being able to produce language in English, and they are interested. They are wanting to participate in their student's learning.Ross: They'll participate regardless. If the teacher just lets them be passive, you're really rolling the dice there in terms of what participation you're going to get. We've seen just about everything, from just shouting out the answers to telling the students that they're stupid for getting it wrong, to giving the wrong answers.If you're able to set roles for what you actually want the parents to do, then you can involve them in a way that you know is going to be productive.Another big difference for teaching kids online compared to offline, I think that's a potential advantage, is the classroom management language is really different for online to offline.If you think about just any decent coursebook, the first chapter is usually going to be things like what's your name, because you need to know your students' names, and things like stand up, sit down, pencil, eraser, pen, boom, blah, blah, blah, because students need to know and need to be able to use that language in order to actually participate in the class.I feel that most coursebooks will not have the language that you need to participate in an online class, which is all these other things. It's [inaudible 7:00] not stand up and sit down. It's like click, circle.Matt: It's an interesting thing, with teaching Lexus. I remember, a few years ago I went to a talk, and somebody was saying what are the first words that you teach to students? You teach the highest frequency words first because those are the ones that students use most.Ross: Again, it's so context specific, isn't it? I guess if you were teaching a group of students from different countries and different backgrounds, you would want your coursebook at the beginning to have things like, where did you come from?If you're teaching a group of students that are all in their home country from the same time, that language is not meaningful at all. It's even not meaningful, like if the students already know each other's names because they're in the same primary school class and have been for three years. That's not useful language.One of the things for teaching online is you really have to start assessing like, why do we teach some of the things that we teach?Matt: Along with that, here's the flip side of it that's positive is that a lot of my teachers, in the beginning of a lot of classes, they want to do something that students notice.They always ask students, "How's the weather today?" Something I point out is you and I sitting here in the same room would never ever ask that question because you're fully aware and I'm fully aware of how the weather is today, and we know that each other knows.It's not a real interaction. There's no exchange of ideas happening. It's purely a fake interaction that we create for the classroom.Whereas, all of a sudden, online, you do have some people being in different places. When I'm on the phone with you, if you're in Shanghai and I'm in Shenzhen, let's say, we would say, "How's the weather today?" I think online, now that becomes a genuine interaction. We can actually do it and have some different language appear as well.Ross: Even very simple things, like very, very low level students, like, "What colors can you see?" It's a sort of thing you'd maybe do in the classroom with real beginners. When everyone's in their own living rooms, all of a sudden, that's a genuine question. What colors can you see? Because I can't see your living room.I can just see wall behind you. You can see all these different things. All this communication that before used to be fake, or these questions, at least, that used to be display questions are now referential questions. Real communication is happening.Matt: I remember a story from our old company where one lesson, the teacher was asking students questions like that. They were looking at this PowerPoint together, and he said, "What's on this page?" The kid would say, "This is on the page, this, this, this." He just named all the items. "All right, next slide, what's on this page?" "This is on it. This is on."It's all this fake interaction because the teacher knows what's on those pages. Then all of a sudden, there was a technical difficulty. They started looking at two different pages.All of a sudden, the teacher said, "Can you tell me which page you're on? What are you seeing?" The student starts describing the page, and he's like, "Oh, so you got three pages ahead of me." You realize, it was by mistake, by a glitch in the system.Finally, we had a real interaction when they were looking at different things and trying to communicate and solve the problem together, so they could end up on the same page together. For the first time in their lesson, they're having a meaningful exchange.Ross: The teacher has a reason to actually listen to the student's answer as well. The communication is happening both ways.Matt: How many times am I going to ask you like, "What do you see?" He'd tell me, and I'd say, "Good job." That's not a real interaction. It's only for the classroom.Ross: That's a fascinating example, doesn't it? It was like, sometimes online, when things go wrong, it can be a positive thing. I've definitely seen this as well in terms of the audio quality, and then the teacher and students are not being able to hear each other.It doesn't mean you get more sort of negotiation and meaning of like, "What was that? What do you mean? Can you explain? Is there another word for that? How do you spell it?"Again, I'm not asking how do you spell it because I'm checking your spelling. It's because I'm genuinely trying to understand.Matt: Trying to understand. I remember something you used to complain about. In another previous, previous job, there's a lot of times to get that gap between students, to get that meaningful exchange in a real classroom.To get one student looking at something the other student doesn't, you end up blindfolding the student. You end up blindfolding student B, so student A can describe what to do. How many times have you been blindfolded in real life? No, don't answer that. I don't want to know.[laughter]Matt: You can understand why teachers are doing that, why they're putting the blindfold on their students ‑‑ so they can create that gap and that need for real communication, but it's just so inauthentic. Whereas online, you do have some people with camera problems and some people that don't. You can really use those to make your lessons better.Ross: Absolutely. I feel so much of this, it's really just taking the same principles as you're teaching off...I think there's so much of what is bad teaching offline. Teachers holding up flashcards and getting students to name them. That's also bad teaching online.Matt: It's a bit more obvious online as bad teaching. A teacher, when they have those flashcard activities, they can have 10 activities where they get the students up and running around.In essence, all they're doing is getting students to memorize these words on the flashcard. It is a very interactive thing where students are moving around. It can feel pretty fun.Online, if you're doing just that list of words or looking at the picture and treating it like that focus on the six vocabulary items again, and again, and again, you can't really fall back on that fun flashcard activity.Ross: Something you hit on there is the importance of doing something to get the students to move.I think half an hour, if you're six years old, to sit in the one place, that's a big ask. Trying to do those activities of whatever it is, like miming something or finding something in the room and bringing it back. Just doing something to get the students to just move away from this sitting, staring at the screen is a bit of a must.Matt: One rule I make for teachers is get your students up and moving in every class.Ross: That's obviously really easy to do offline, but I think that's something that requires a lot more thought online. Or, maybe it's not necessarily easier offline. It's just everyone has been doing it for longer.People have developed all these strategies for getting students to switch seats or look at something outside the class or do a rolling dictation. If it's online, you need to think of a new way, a new reason for the students to stand up and do something.Matt: I said in the beginning that this is something that all teachers around the world are doing, this transition from offline to online. I'm excited about it. In my profession and education, it is a pretty conservative thing.It hasn't evolved that much since I've taught. We're at a time now, right now, that we are doing something very different, and everybody's doing it. I'm excited to see what comes out of this.Ross: Good. I think that's a great place to wrap up. Matt, thanks for joining us.Matt: A pleasure, as always.Ross: All right. We'll see you again next time, everyone. Goodbye.Matt: See you.

Welcome to Sophisticated Deep 11. You know, my creation of podcasts is a long and winding process. The amount of music that I have to sift through to find enough to put on any one podcast is staggering. And the amount of time that I spend shopping for the music is equally staggering. And once I have the music gathered and sit to compose a mix...a whole new journey begins. When I'm piecing a set together I'm focused on the "feel" of the pieces of music more than actually listening to the songs specifically. The listening comes later. I'm also hyper-focused on making sure that the songs "belong" together. Sometimes before I mix a set I'm convinced that that particular one will be the best of the best...and then I come to feel later that it's just so-so. And then other times a set will sneak up on me and will blow me away once I've actually settled in and listened closely to the actual records. Well I think with this set I have found one that has surprised me and left me speechless. I hope that as you listen to this new set that you'll allow the chords, the sounds, the textures and the vibes to entrance you and let you dream and think. As always I've composed this set with every ounce of love that I have to give and I share it with you joyfully. From my heart...to your ears...ENJOY. #/Artist/Title/Remix 01. Above & Beyond/Flying By Candlelight/Acoustic 02. Lucas Rossi/Dimensions/Original Mix 03. Nohan/Flavor/Original Mix 04. Lee Burridge/Float On/Original Mix 05. Spencer Brown/LA ID/Original Mix 06. Mees Salome/Magnolia/Original Mix 07. Wild Dark/Below The Summit/DSF Remix 08. DSF/Hugs Around/Roy Rosenfeld Remix 09. Sebastien Leger/Menabelle/Original Mix 10. Blanche/City Lights/Gorje Hewek & Izhevski Extended 11. Mees Salome/A Simpler Time/Original Mix 12. David Hohme/Soft Landing/Jody Wisternoff & James Grant Remix

I call it "flow state" - the time I spend working on things that move the needle. When I'm in flow state, I can get 4 days worth of work done in 4 hours... and it's because I'm working on things that MATTER! So I'll teach you in this podcast how to stop running full speed on a treadmill, tiring yourself out but going nowhere... and how to treat your life like a ladder instead that takes you to your next level!

- David Mills But I promise you, anyone who's hearing this. There are absolutely incredible things about you that other people see that you don't see. So be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with yourself, because there's always gonna be parts of yourself that you personally you don't feel like you can fully with. And there's a lot of ways to address that. Alcohol is one of the ways. There are a lot of other ways, too.   INTRO   This is a special, COVID-19 edition of the Handle with Care podcast.  In these unstable times, we are shining light on stories and experiences that will, hopefully, open your perspective to yourself and others.   Today, I am welcoming back a friend of the show, David Mills.  David was a guest in the summer of last year.  He talked about his journey through divorce, depression, and alcoholism.  If you missed the episode, go back and listen after you finish this listening to his one.  His reflections are honest and generous and insightful and I’ve welcomed him back to talk about what it has been like to stay sober and find emotional stability during this time of social isolation.    As you scroll through Facebook or any social media feed, you will see people talking about the necessity of a glass of wine at the end of the day, or in the middle of the day, or with their breakfast.  Alcohol stores are classified as an essential business.  And, whether it is alcohol or binge watching or baking, we are all finding ways tt cope with our inner monologue during a time of tremendous stress.    Before we jump in, I want to thank our sponsors.  FullStak PEO is a friend of the podcast and a great group of people.  FullStack provides benefits and support to small businesses and entrepreneurs.  In times of uncertainty, making sure your people are taken care of is so essential.  FullStack can help.  We are also sponsored by Motivosity, an employee-engagement platform that brings fun and gratitude to your workspace.   I interviewed David at the close of March, two weeks into the quarantine.  Like so many of you, I was navigating children and work, taking refuge in my closet to record our session.   - Liesel Mertes Oh, no, no, no. It had been it has been. As we've waited for you, I've had Magnus come in. We been being like, Ada says that she has to practice for basketball, but she doesn't even play basketball. And I just want to be alone. I've been cooped up in the house. I don't want her to be in the yard and be like Magnus. She's seen me hard with you and him be like.   - Liesel Mertes But I and her being like, really sassy about controlling the music because that's the streaming i-Pad. But the younger kids are watching Disney Plus, which we got for COVID-19. On the other i-Pad. So I just let it say I was not clairvoyant, but merely to do this right. That was already present in the home.   David Mills Well, either way you come across looking as a pretty good mother.   Liesel Mertes Oh, well, thank you so much.   – David Mills Oh, by the way, I hope you don't think that we're going to start without me saying happy birthday. Thank you.   - Liesel Mertes I was going to start commiserating about my birthday.   - David Mills Well, no, I'm not going to. I'm not going to sing because I don't want to like see or they're subscription numbers plummet   - Liesel Mertes But it it does feel nice that you wish me happy birthday. And I didn't press record, but I'll probably cut, you know, this sort of like small talk.   - David Mills But just you know, I think this is about people are coming out more lethal might they might like the idea that I'm cut. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm going to pivot more.   - Liesel Mertes It is obviously a corona virus birthday. And some people handle that with remarkable, you know, like nonchalance. I am a big birthday person. Like this would be my birthday.   - Liesel Mertes It's also a global economic social crisis. How are things for you?   - David Mills Wow. Yeah. Well, things are OK. Life has just slowed down so suddenly, which I think has been hard for all of us to adjust to, and I think what causes the most anxiety when I can name it is just, you know, I like knowing when the end of things are going to be.   - David Mills I like being able to have a plan.   - David Mills I think we talked about before and this is a crisis that you can plan for and you can plan contingencies for an. Do you still have no idea when it's gonna end? So that's. That's that's been a key source of anxiety for me and I suspect a lot of other people, too. I know. I will say, you know, it's been.   - David Mills It's great. It's great to have the technology that we have. It's great to have Zoom. It's great to have face time. It's great to be able to connect with people and have people checking in on you, and especially as you are on the path to sobriety. But nothing can really replace, you know, the the Face-To-Face connections, at least for me.   - David Mills So it has so you know, but just by the nature of things felt more isolating than usual. And certainly the urge to drink for me, which frankly was for a couple of months pretty low, has been really strong. I think that just left alone in a house with no one else and my own thoughts. It can be a can be a dangerous place for me. So I'm sure we'll talk about some of the things that I tried to do to fight that.   - David Mills But the urge has been real. And I suspect that that's true for a lot of people, whether they're actively in recovery or maybe I've just been trying to drink less this year, drink more in moderation. But this has been a really trying time for them. Yeah. And I, I really feel the weight of that collectively and individually.   - Liesel Mertes And today is my birthday. But it is also a noteworthy day for you. Tell us about your six months.   - David Mills Yeah. So it's a day and sometimes I'm better at tracking this than others. But honestly, like I texted you. You're the first person I told. I was like, oh, yeah. Today's going to be my sixth anniversary. I just looked up on my little app that I have.   - David Mills So it felt really good. I went for a long walk this morning and some nature preserves not too far from the city.   - David Mills And I just had a lot of time to reflect and could feel, though, that the first signs of spring, the melting snow, the muddy boots, you know, the snow falling from the branches and the birds were really loud, which I really appreciated.   - David Mills So it was it was a it was a quiet but meaningful way to celebrate. There have been weeks within the past six months when I have thought about drinking in my heart, I know those are especially dangerous times. But there have also been. A lot of. A lot of shaking hands, a lot of night sweats, a lot of really hard days to stay sober.   - David Mills So I'm really grateful I don't take it for granted. And, you know, I've, I've made it up further than six months before and fallen off. So I don't I. It was a good reminder and reflection for me this morning to be especially vigilant in these times.   - Liesel Mertes So, I imagine for people that some of them some of the support, the in-person support systems of things like AA meetings or community touchpoints that now they don't have access to because of this physical destiny distancing that that is a particular gap. Has that been a part of your journey with sobriety and have you felt that gap? Absolutely.   - David Mills And I will say that at least the Chicago a network has been fantastic about getting Zoom meetings up really quickly like I participated. And a Twelve Steps meeting this morning. I'm going to participate in one tonight. They just e-mail you at the code and you can sign it. It's lovely. And I suspect that that's being replicated in AA chapters all across the country. And if you just go online to your local chapter, you'll get all of that information. But there is.   - David Mills There is something really powerful about being actually in the room, surrounded by people from all walks of life, all races and religions who share this uniquely common struggle and sing, sing the way that they might be carrying on their shoulders and seeing the way that they lift the weight of other shoulders is something that can't fully be replicated in Zoom. So it's not perfect. But I am really thankful that there are these advances in technology which allow us to have even a meetings remotely.   - David Mills It's really it's really incredible and I'm sure there's people out there using Zoom for some really like creepy shit.   - David Mills But it's a good day. It is a good use of that.   - David Mills So that's been really helpful. You know, I have to just also acknowledge that. I have over the last year been really forced to get better at not isolating. When I'm really depressed, I tend to isolate when I'm really manic. I tend to isolate this because I don't slow down and. That's something that I've had to unlearn over the past year, and what I've learned in the process is that I have a really stacked team of a supportive mother, father, stepmother, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and that's just my blood relatives that's not even accounting for the amazing friends that have reached out to me.   - David Mills And I I I know that everybody's situation is different and not everybody has a whole roster of people that are coming for them and they can come to. But I promise you, there's someone and if there's not you no, I don't know. Reach out to me. Yeah, because the. You'll be grateful not only for not being isolated yourself, but I promise you that the people you love will be able to sleep a lot easier and have a lot less stress in their lives, too.   - Liesel Mertes I'm hearing and you saying that and talking about your support system is that it's been really meaningful. People who have proactively reached out to you in the midst of a time of a lot of social isolation. What does that look like as they've reached out to you?   - David Mills You know, it's a lot of text messages. It's a lot of calling me. And if I don't pick up calling me again, it's which I think speaks to the. To the high caliber of people that I have in my life, it's a lot of. Face timing with family or, you know, right now I don't have Atticus with me. He's with his mother and her parents in Wisconsin, which is great because it's far more isolated. And he.   - David Mills It's a great place for him to be, at least for these couple of weeks. So that's been especially as isolating as well, but yeah, you know, daily face time conversations with Atticus, we're even gonna start doing some workouts together in the morning that him and his mom have been doing and going over some of his lesson plans together. So.   - David Mills I guess we're all like we're all learning to adapt to the responsibilities that we have. Either vocationally or through the bond of love in new ways, and I'm struggling through that just as much as anyone and I don't have it all figured out. But I do know that the less I isolate, the more likely I am to stay level and to stay sober.   - David Mills So I would just maybe also add that, you know, when this quarantine kind of started, I was really entering like a pretty manic phase. So it was it was hard for me to have all of this energy and feel like, as I often do, a manic phase. It's like I can just go, go and go without sleep. I have no place to expend that acceptance like my own apartment, which leads to a really thoroughly cleaned and redecorated and redecorated again apartment.   - David Mills But I can also feel. Like, there's just too much going on inside of me to possibly let out in a single building. You know what I mean? And.   - David Mills Like, you can go on walks, you can go on rides when it's not snowing.   - David Mills Just feeling as trapped as I have in the apartment has certainly been the key part of like feeling like this is one of the hardest stretches to make you well and.   - David Mills You know, so many of us in our different ways are doing our own emotional, psychological recalibration in real time, you know, like hourly of try. What is that?   - Liesel Mertes I imagine that there are powerful aspects of the things you say to yourself or what you do to build resiliency in the four walls of your apartment. What has that? What have you learned about that conversation with yourself?   - David Mills That's a good question. Well, you know, I I should say that. One thing that has also helped this just came to mind is that I'm like it. I realize it would be easy for me just to take a few weeks off of therapy right now, but my therapist and I have. Setup Zoom meetings, so you even just today, like a couple hours ago, I was it was, you know, video chatting with my therapist for an hour, and that's something that really helps because, you know, a gives me.   - David Mills The space to take control over my drinking problem. Therapy is where I can go to get the tools that I need to address the narratives that would tell me that I'm not enough with tell me that.   - David Mills I'm not going to rise up further than I have that I'm destined to. You know, be losing the fight, those narratives are wrong and therapy is the place where I can talk about the underlying trauma that led to them and feeds them and get to the practical tools that I need to develop a more helpful internal dialogue. One that is reflective of where I've come from, one that's reflective of where I want to go and one that's reflective of my own strengths and honesty without being overly critical of my own weaknesses.   - David Mills If that makes sense. So for me.   - David Mills That just speaks these these past two weeks of really just also reinforce in me the need to be in consistent therapy. And. To not just think that a one prong or two-pronged approach is enough. So, yeah, I I that kind of address your question.   - Liesel Mertes Yeah, it does. Yeah. I appreciate the. Especially confronting that messages of I am not enough. And just to extrapolate all of it. So so you're in like you're in your space. You're feeling overwhelmed by. Anxiety or fear or desperate, you know, all the things that could flood any of us in that moment. You have an awareness of where those thoughts have taken you in the past. What sorts of things are you saying or doing for yourself in those moments where you feel like I'm on the edge of overwhelm here?   - David Mills Yeah, that's a really good question, and I'm glad you asked that because I actually have an answer for it. Those are my favorite questions.   - David Mills I used to be like a really avid reader. I would just read anything from the time I was a kid all all growing up. But that's, that's really fallen off. So over the past couple of weeks, I've really like especially when my my brain is truly feels unable to slow down. I guess my immediate thought was like, OK, I'm trapped in this place. My brain can't slow down. Can I put it to use to like spark some creative joy inside of myself or to like gain some knowledge of some kind which might benefit me in some way?   - David Mills And really, what that ended up looking like is this reading all the books that I have on hand so far, I think I've read just looking at the stack. Now it looks like I've read re-read The Odyssey, read Little Women Again, classic, beautiful, great. Read a book of Irish love poetry. Don't recommend that if you're single and started in on a book called Founding, Founding Mothers and Fathers, which is about. The gender played a role in forming early American society.   - David Mills Not relevant. Anyways, I've read it. I've read a lot and that's really helped slow my mind down and also provided me a means of escape because like, I can't fully, directly relate to any of the characters in the US. Like, that's it's it's not a world which I inhabit. So. Just like, oh, and the return of Sherlock Holmes is the other one that I read, like, you know, like I don't I don't live in that period of England.   - David Mills That's a it's a means of escape for me. So that's been that's been a really helpful thing. And then also I've just been toiling away in the woodshop. Just kind of building and sanding and staining for a couple hours a night. And I have to watch myself because it's easy to be out there for four or five hours before you know it. It's like 2:00 in the morning.   - David Mills But those things have been really helpful. So I guess, you know.   - David Mills Anything you can do to spark creative joy in yourself or maybe bring a little bit of restoration, whether it's restoration to your mind through the written word or its restoration to know something you're refinishing or something you're building. That can be it can be a really powerful tool, at least for me. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah.   - Liesel Mertes As you so I I can see the like national data about things like alcohol sales being through the roof right now, which is not inherently bad, but also a sign of how people are funneling these unwieldy feelings of being out of control. What word would you have, particularly for someone who is walking a hard journey of sobriety, or perhaps they're at a point where they're just beginning to take stock and say, I'm drinking quite a lot. What words of insight would you offer?   - David Mills I don't know if they're different for those two groups or general. I. I'm thinking back before I answer. I'm just thinking back. And like some of the things that like I've. Learned through a and through therapy, and that's, you know, I didn't. The drinking was never the problem. There were. Things underneath of it that made me want to drink, I used drinking to medicate when I was manic to slow my thoughts down. I use it as a motivator.   - David Mills When I was depressed to get out of bed. I use that in all circumstances to dull and soften and maybe even a race momentarily, the edges and parts of myself.   - David Mills That felt really unlovable. So I guess what I would say to either of those groups is. Your sobriety. Or your drinking are not the most interesting thing about you. There's so much light and so few. That is not. In any way connected to alcohol. And it can be really easy in these moments when you're trapped. In a place, whether by yourself or with loved ones or with roommates or whoever. To feel a more urgent need to do all the edges of yourself but seem hard to live with.   - David Mills Either just in isolation or in close proximity to others. You don't need to do that. That's, that's what I would say, you just don't you don't need to. There are ways. To live and to the parts of yourself that you don't love yet. That don't involve doling your census. That involve becoming more and not. Suppressing and becoming less or. Feeling like you can only be free and likable under the influence. And I know that's really easy to say and it's taken me a long time to even begin to live.   - David Mills But I promise you, anyone who's hearing this. There are absolutely incredible things about you that other people see that you don't see. So be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with yourself, because there's always gonna be parts of yourself that you personally you don't feel like you can fully with. And there's a lot of ways to address that. Alcohol is one of the ways. There are a lot of other ways, too. There's a lot of things you can do.   - David Mills There's a long there's a long winded answer, I don't know, maybe since it did.   - Liesel Mertes Thank you. That's a good word, David. I appreciate it. Thank you. Yeah.   - Liesel Mertes So. Yeah. Any funny things you've discovered about yourself or your habits in the midst of living in isolation? Sure.   - David Mills I mean, I've I've pretty much known. The type of the type of human I am when it comes to living by myself for a while, but I. Nothing really nothing really, truly funny. But I did have this absolute epiphany. Like nothing I've ever had yesterday as I was doing the dishes, because I have this tendency to absolutely let my sink overflowing before I tackle the dishes. It is the one thing that just like starting it causes me such anxiety.   - David Mills And then I have this epiphany yesterday and I'm like, if I only had two plates out. And I got rid of my other plates or put them away in stores, but they weren't easy to get to. I would.   - David Mills The reason I do this because I have like twelve plates, because every time my mother visits she brings more kitchenware, like not to blame my mom.   - David Mills But thanks mom.   - David Mills That's that that's a I've also discovered that I. It's, it's nice to have a plant to talk to at least. And I wish I would have. I wish I would have heeded advocacies, many requests to get a cat or something. But I think one positive benefit for Atticus is coming out of this could be a pet.   MUSICAL TRANSITION   - David Mills It is hard. I will say, you know, not having Atticus there to not have like some living thing depending on me for more than water which is all at once.   - Liesel Mertes Well and I do like just on the human level. I hear that. I know that being a dad and being a good dad, Atticus is a huge part of who you are. And I imagine that that is its own like sacrifice and sadness right now. So sorry.   - David Mills Thank you. Thank you. I really appreciate that. All right.   - David Mills Well, I don't know. I haven't learned anything else really, truly funny about myself. Yeah. Now. I've. I'm kind of sick of myself, actually.   MUSICAL TRANSITION   Here are three reflections after my conversation with David:   If you know someone that is living with alcoholism or walking a journey of sobriety, reach out and check in with them.Social support is especially important for David…and sometimes people in his support network have to reach out more than once.  Practice persistence in your care.  David has been directing his energy into creative outlets like woodworking and reading books that take him to other places.How can you funnel your feelings into pursuits that are creative and life giving? Who you are with alcohol is not the most interesting part about you.There is deep wisdom in this reflection. Whether it is alcohol or another coping mechanism to escaps pain, remember that you are more than that behavior and that there are other ways to address the pain.    Thanks again to our sponsors, FullStack PEO, helping entrepreneurs get back to business by providing benefits and support.  And thanks to Motivosity, an employee engagement software system that brings fun and gratitude to your people.    OUTRO

In this episode If you're a private practice owner or health and wellness coach that's feeling overwhelmed and utterly confused by Facebook Ads, you're going to love my next guest. Her name is Chantal Gerardy and she has created ways that you can optimise Facebook ORGANICALLY to build your list, attract new and aligned clients to your business and establish yourself as an industry authority.  3 mistakes practitioners make with their Facebook advertising 5 tips for improving your reach and visibility without spending a cent on advertising (sorry Facebook) where to grab her very special resource all about optimising your profile for maximum impact with your audience so that you actually connect with people that align with your brand and purpose. Howz that?    The links To apply for the 90 Day Coaching program, head to the website. Do you have a burning question and need a quick answer? Book a 15 minute chat with me here. Grab your copy of Manifesting Made Simple: A Practical Guide Illustrated with Real Life Stories here.   Access the resources that I use in my business, for yourself. Click here. Connect with Chantal Gerardy here. About Dr Brooklyn Storme I am the Australian Business Coach that developed an approach to helping entrepreneurs and business owners that integrates Spirituality, Energy and Mindset with Business Strategy. My approach is called Business Alignment ©. You don't need to be spiritually-minded to benefit from what I teach as the content is underpinned by evidence-based psychological tools as well as science. I've published a best-selling book called Manifesting Made Simple: A Practical Guide with Real Life Stories (2019) and the second book, How to Manifest $1000 in 21 Days is due for release in December 2019. The third book is about Business Alignment and will be available in March 2020. Working and living on the Mornington Peninsula in Melbourne, Australia, I'm fortunate to have been able to present at workshops and TV appearances for corporations and publications locally and in USA and London. When I'm busy meditating or manifesting, I'm spending time with my Maltese X, Gabe-the-Magical-Dog who I love to bits!

Show Notes Hi Friends, I hope you are staying healthy and somewhat sane during these unbelievably unpredictable and anxiety-inducing times. Life continues to be completely different from normal, and I'm gathering and sharing resources I think you'll find helpful and encouraging. Below, find notes and photos about what I talked about in this week's episode! Let me know what's working for you during COVID-19 quarantine! I'd love to share your ideas with our community. audrey@sunshine-parenting.com P.S. The picture in this week's title is from 16 years ago. We haven't had any scenes like that in the past two weeks (or the past 14 years) around here! More to listen to/watch from this past week • Happier in Hollywood Bonus Episode: Parenting & Staying Positive During COVID-19 (My interview with hosts Sarah Fain & Liz Craft). Advice & Encouragement for Parents of Younger Kids • Creative Learning Ideas for Younger Kids. Advice & Encouragement for Parents of High Schoolers • Daily Activities Checklist & other Strategies for Working with Your (Now) Homeschooling Teen Advice & Encouragement for Bringing Camp Home from Ariella Rogge of Sanborn Western Camps • Bringing Camp Home with Ariella Rogge Advice & Encouragement for Bringing Camp Home from Mike & Mary Endres of Camp Chippewa for Boys • Bringing Camp Home with Mike & Mary Endres Advice & Encouragement from Experienced Homeschool Parent Kate Rader • Experienced Homeschool Parent Kate Rader Notes from Episode 133 Things that AREN'T working Focusing I'm finding that I am easily distracted and having trouble focusing on anything that requires a lot of brain power. When I'm reading something, I often need to go back and re-read the paragraph I just read, because the words didn't register. Planning Ahead Whenever the conversation (or my thoughts) turn to what's going to be happening in a week, or a month, or three months, I realize that none of us knows and it's not productive to think too much beyond today or the next few days. Overly Ambitious "To Do" Lists Despite there seeming to exist a lot of extra time (no more commute, dropping kids off/picking up, appointments, etc.), the day seems to drift by in a partial fog and I am not getting much done. Things that ARE working: Lots of Digital Connection I've had a big increase in Zoom Meetings, FaceTime Calls, and Texts, and that's been working for me. Work group: Morning meeting Monday-Friday at 9am using Google Hangout; Group text message "Virtual Dinner Party" with friends last Saturday Advice & Encouragement Series (on Facebook Live) - Connecting, Seeking, & Sharing advice My Morning Routine/Daily Checklist • Quiet time (Bible reading/journaling with my coffee) • Making my bed • Exercising (Peloton plug) • Showering and getting dressed in clothes (PJ change at 8pm) Using my normal Planner Daily Family Time • Dinner together & sharing highs & lows "I miss my friends." -16 year old's daily low Other family fun we've tried: Watched ONWARD (cried!) A Puzzle: Working on a 1000-piece 1980s puzzle (only my oldest daughter & I are currently interested in this). The puzzle industry is likely thriving right now. This puzzle is now out of stock due to it's popularity, but I saw some other 80s puzzle when I searched for it again. A friend suggested we start passing puzzles. Perhaps we can leave on front porches, let sit for 24 hours, and spray them down before using? IDK! Laughing My attempt at helping the cause - sewing a face mask cover. Auto correct fails Entertaining videos shared by friends   Advice & Resources I'm finding helpful Laura Vanderkam's Before Breakfast Podcast: Measure the day by task, not time (6 minutes) On Digital Minimalism & Pandemics, Cal Newport Quick read. He urges us to check news ONCE per day instead of constant checking & scrolling.

Dining On A Dime Cookbook By Tawra Kellam and Jill Cooper Intro: Welcome to the number one cookbook podcast, Cookery by the Book, with Suzy Chase. She's just a home cook in New York City, sitting at her dining room table talking to cookbook authors.Tawra Kellam: Hello. I am Tawra from LivingOnADime.com, the author of the Dining on a Dime Cookbook where you can eat better, spend less. I wrote it with my mom, Jill. We have sold over 500,000 copies, so we are considered a bestselling cookbook now, which is pretty cool.Suzy Chase: You are a friend in my head. I've been such a fan of your Facebook and YouTube videos for over a year now. I even went out and bought your cookbook, Dining on a Dime. So, supermarket shortages and job losses because of the Coronavirus pandemic mean lots of us are changing things up to make the best of scarce supplies and tighter budgets. You know a thing or two about leaving the grocery store with only necessities and we need your wisdom now more than ever. So let's kick things off with a little background about you and your mother. You are frugal before frugal was cool. Talk a little bit about that.Tawra Kellam: Well, we were frugal out of necessity. My mom was a single mom. My dad left my mom with $35,000 of debt that her name was on, so she had to pay it. She worked three jobs, got it paid off, and then we became sick with chronic fatigue syndrome and I also got fibromyalgia. My mom, my brother and I all got what we thought was the flu and we never got better over 30 years ago. So we did it out of necessity because my mom only had $500 a month to raise two teenagers. Even back in the late 80s, early 90s, $500 a month was not anything. I mean, that was most people's grocery bill, and that was our entire budget. We didn't have food stamps, we didn't get any assistance like that. That was just the $500 a month that we had. And right before we got sick, my mom had sold a business that her and my dad had started and that's what we were living on. Actually, for three of those years, we lived off of $8,000 total, not each year, but $8,000 got us by for three years.Tawra Kellam: So that's kind of where this came out of. I was on frugal living groups when I was pregnant and on bedrest with my first child and everybody kept asking me questions, "Well, how do I save money on this?" And I always had an answer for them. So that's kind of how it got started.Suzy Chase: How did the Dining on a Dime cookbook come about?Tawra Kellam: So while I was still in that same bed rest, I was reading The Tightwad Gazette by Amy Dacyczyn, really kind of the first book of its kind. Miserly Moms was out too, but Amy's was the first big so to speak book on how to save money. I was reading her book, I was like, "Man, we do all this stuff and more." And at the very end of her book, she said everybody keeps asking her to write a cookbook but she didn't like to cook, and she knew that in order to write a good frugal cookbook, it needed to be really comprehensive and she didn't want to do that. And just right then and there, I thought, well I can do that. Well, did I know what it would turn into? When I told my husband, he was like, "Oh, she's going to make a nice little collection of recipes that we'll give to the family or whatever" He had no idea.Suzy Chase: So on page eight of the cookbook, you have some useful basics of frugal living. One suggestion is don't get discouraged. I feel like we're all discouraged right now.Tawra Kellam: Well, don't be. Here's the thing, I know it's bad right now, but I'm a suck it up kind of a person. A lot of people say I'm too harsh, but the reality is, Americans are extremely fortunate. I mean, we are extremely fortunate. I went to the grocery store just yesterday... as of yesterday, it'll have been two weeks since this whole thing kind of started, and there is a lot, still a lot of food on the shelves. There may not be toilet paper, there may not be flour, there may not be sugar, but there's still a lot of food on the shelves and we really need to be thankful for what we do have.Suzy Chase: So for the folks that have lost their jobs, what is one thing they can do immediately to cut their grocery bill?Tawra Kellam: Stop spending it on junk. So immediately, the majority of alcohol consumption needs to stop. That's a huge expense. If you want to have a glass of wine or something, that's fine, but really need to cut those alcoholic beverages out, they're super expensive. The next thing, sodas. All of those beverages that are like soda and kids' juice boxes, all those kinds of things, that's another huge expense. The convenience food items that don't have any nutritional value, all the fruits, snacks, jello type things, all of those don't have any nutritional value. So go for things that are like granola bars. Even Pop-Tarts are better than some things. I know there's people out there saying uhhhhhh, but if that's all you have on your grocery store shelf, a Pop-Tart is like eating a doughnut for breakfast. That's really better than nothing. So go for things that will fill you up and not just things that are empty calories.Suzy Chase: Another suggestion is to drink water with your meals. Talk a little bit about that.Tawra Kellam: So I was really shocked when I went to the grocery store that all the bottled water was completely sold out. I was like, "What is-Suzy Chase: Why is that?Tawra Kellam: I don't know, because here in Colorado, we have really good water here in Colorado. So I'm like, "What is the reason for that?" There's literally no reason in Colorado unless someone has an allergy to chlorine or something. I get that. But here's the thing, 98% of the country and 98% of people can drink tap water. I get it. I have lived in Texas and Kansas where I literally had bad water that I could not drink. I get it, but that is not the majority of the country and those are not the people that I'm talking about. Now, if you just don't like the taste of tap water, one of the best tips that my mom has used for years is she will fill up a jug and let it sit overnight in a refrigerator with the lid off and the chlorine evaporates. The number one reason people don't like tap water is because of the chlorine taste. Then you don't have the chlorine taste in the water anymore.Tawra Kellam: So that's the number one tip for making water taste good without adding anything, is just to leave it sit overnight in the refrigerator with a top off and the chlorine will evaporate.Suzy Chase: You make it a habit of cooking what you have on hand. I read that you make 10 meals on a regular basis. Can you describe this?Tawra Kellam: Okay. So people make meal planning way too complicated. As a matter of fact, we've kind of had problems with our website because people ask for meal plans all the time and I'm like, "I don't do meal planning." My mom wrote a whole bunch of meal plans that we have on the website, and they're great, but really mom and I don't meal plan. What we do is we cook from what we have on the pantry. So I keep a consistent supply of things in my pantry, my refrigerator, my freezer. So I always buy chicken, I always buy roasts, I always buy green chilies, I always buy applesauce, peaches, pears, those kinds of things. Then instead of planning a meal for the week, I plan by the day on what I have on hand and what I need to use up. So let's say I have cucumbers that are getting ready to go bad. Well, I would make my side dish around those cucumbers instead of what I had planned because I need to use up those cucumbers.Tawra Kellam: So what I do is I have 10 meals that I consistently make all the time, or variations of those meals, and I always keep those ingredients on hand. Eating the same food three times a month really is not that often. And I throw in a new recipe once or twice a month. So it's really two to three times a month, you're eating the same thing. Kids love tacos. It's okay to eat tacos twice a month. We love green chili. It's okay for us to eat green chili two or three times a month. People think that you're going to get tired, but what I do is I rotate a fall winter menu and a spring summer menu. So I basically have 20 separate meals divided up between the four seasons, so spring and summer, and then fall and winter, and then I just rotate around those. My family doesn't complain, they love it, and it keeps my dinner planning easy. I don't spend an hour a week planning meals and I really don't spend more than 20 minutes cooking dinner every night.Tawra Kellam: And usually, more nights than not, it's like literally five minutes cooking dinner, because what I'll do is I'll make a roast on Monday, which takes me three minutes to prepare, and then I'll save that roast and use it Monday as roast and potatoes and carrots. Then on Tuesday I'll make beef and noodles. So it takes as long as five minutes to boil the noodles. Then the next day I'll make beef stew out of it, which takes me five minutes to cut up the carrots and potatoes and throw it all in the pot. So really, I have chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, I do not have the energy to be spending half an hour or an hour in the kitchen. I just can't do that.Suzy Chase: What's green chili?Tawra Kellam: It's a Colorado thing, but it's really good. It's probably my favorite. I would say it's probably my favorite main dish. So it's chicken broth, onions, green chilies and garlic, and then salt and pepper of course. And then you just simmer it and you thicken it with corn starch and scoop out the meat and put it in the middle of a tortilla, wrap up the tortilla, like a burrito, and then you put the sauce over the top and you serve it with sour cream and lettuce and cheese. It's really yummy.Suzy Chase: That sounds amazing.Tawra Kellam: It's really good, yeah. It's in our Dining on a Dime cookbook. I won't give you the page number because we have several versions out there, but it's in our Dining on a Dime cookbook and on our website livingonadime.com.Suzy Chase: What are some good ideas for sweet treats that we can make from pantry items?Tawra Kellam: So you can make pretty much anything. Right now, everybody's going crazy on our Facebook page over our fudge brownies. That recipe is at Living on a Dime too. So many people have been saying over and over, "I always thought I had to have a brownie mix to make good brownies." They were like, "Your brownies are delicious." So, in Dining on a Dime, what we did was we went through and we tested every single recipe to make sure that it had ingredients that were on hand. Most people have all the time, easy to get cheap ingredients. So we have, how to make a white cake. We have, how to make fudge brownies. We have, how to make donuts. Any of those basic recipes, homemade tortillas, all of those, even taco seasoning, homemade taco seasoning, homemade ranch dressing, all of those are in there. We have people, they said, "My family will not eat any ranch dressing but yours. Yours is the best."Tawra Kellam: I'm not trying to sound prideful, but it really is the best ranch dressing I've ever had. But that's what I do. We go through and we find recipes and we use them as a place to start. But then we go through and we tweak them and change them until they really are the best recipe, because there's nothing more frustrating than going into a cookbook and making a recipe and having it flop and you've wasted all that time and all those ingredients. So we really make sure that the recipes do taste good and people can make them. Even if you're not an experienced cook, they're really simple.Suzy Chase: So your latest YouTube episode is so informative. It's called, What to Eat When They Buy Out All the Food! - Surviving Panic. You talked about what to do when bread is all sold out. Is there a hope if the bread is sold out?Tawra Kellam: Yeah. So here's the thing with bread. People panic about bread, but there are so many more things that you can use instead of bread. So first of all, when you're at the store, the bread aisle may be sold out, but go check your bakery. Here I've been to four different stores, and every single one, the bakery was completely filled, but the bread aisle wasn't. Now, those breads aren't going to last quite as long as the regular loaf breads, but you can freeze bread pretty easily. So if you bring home a loaf of French bread... like yesterday, they didn't have anything but French bread at my store. So I got a couple of loaves of French bread. And then just slice it up, take out a few pieces, put the rest in your freezer. It's freezes really, really well. But now I know I'm going counter to pretty much every single YouTuber on the planet, but now is not the time to be learning how to make bread.Suzy Chase: Really?Tawra Kellam: Everyone keeps saying, "Oh, I'm showing you how to make bread." And I do have a super simple foreign ingredient, no need bread recipe that I'm getting ready to do a video on. But here's the thing, if you don't already know how to make homemade bread, now is not the time when you can't find flour to be experimenting with a little bit more difficult recipe of making bread. If you've never kneaded bread or anything like that, it can be intimidating. So what can you use instead? Use some rice. You can use potatoes, you could make muffins, which are super easy. You could make biscuits, which are fairly easy. You could use pretty much anything that's a starch, like corn tortillas, flour tortillas, if you can find those. So don't get just stuck thinking you have to have bread, you don't have to have bread. I know bread is what sustains life, but there are so many other options out there that right now really if you've never made bread before, I would not suggest wasting valuable flour on bread.Tawra Kellam: Another thing on that is, homemade bread tastes really good. I mean, it tastes really good. So what happens in my family, they will just eat the whole entire loaf right away. Where my muffins and biscuits, they're tasty, they're really tasty, but they don't eat them quite as fast. So make foods that your family will be able to eat, but they don't just eat it all in one sitting and it's gone.Suzy Chase: I remember growing up with a single mom making many a sandwich out of a hot dog bun.Tawra Kellam: Yeah, hot dog, hamburger buns are really great. We use those all the time. If you have them leftover, you can put some butter and sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar or garlic powder on there and broil them and they're super tasty. Yeah, you can toast them and use them instead of hoagie buns tooSuzy Chase: In your grocery store, it was crazy that the lunch meat was all sold out, but the deli was all stocked full of meats and cheese.Tawra Kellam: 10 feet away. I know. I was just like, "What is wrong with you people?" Right now, we're in the middle of a crisis, but any time. That's one reason why my family isn't panicking, because I have never just done one thing. When prices went up several years ago from... What's it? I think it was 9/11 maybe. Grocery prices went up. Everybody was totally freaking out. I wasn't freaking out. I just didn't buy boneless skinless chicken breasts. I used other things. I used chicken quarters. We didn't eat chicken. We ate beef because beef was cheaper then. We ate ham because ham was cheaper then. So I've always been one of those people that, when you don't have one thing, what can I use to replace this instead? That's where people need to start turning their thinking, is, "Okay, what can I make instead?Tawra Kellam: I don't have bread, but there's something else that I can make instead." It's actually very easy. You just need to get into the habit of thinking that is more what it is.Suzy Chase: There's one particular supermarket tip in the cookbook that caught my eye. It's buy the smallest packages. What exactly does that mean?Tawra Kellam: Well, so everybody says, "Buy in bulk." Mom and I think that's probably some of the worst advice you could have, because here's the thing, you go to these big warehouse stores, that mom and I are not fans of, let's say you get this huge package, five pounds of cheese. Okay, that's all well and good, but can you really use five pounds of cheese before it spoils if you're an average three to four person family? If you can, that's totally fine. But the majority of people don't. So what we have found is that people actually save more money when they don't buy in bulk because they're not wasting food that spoils. They're not dealing with packages that are big and bulky and heavy and they're dropping them and wasting food from dropping them because they're hard to handle. I mean, those two, three pound, I don't know how many pounds they are, containers of peanut butter at the big places. It's like, "Seriously, who has room in their cabinet to store that?"Tawra Kellam: And the price, actually now a lot of times the big bulk ones are actually more expensive than the cheaper ones, especially if you want for sales. So we don't recommend buying in bulk. We recommend actually buying smaller packages. And if you want to stock up for times like now, that's fine, but I'll tell you, all my peanut butter is in little one pound containers because I don't buy great big packages of food because I don't want it to spoil.Suzy Chase: With boxes of pasta overflowing in so many cans of beans, I'm thinking about flavor more than ever. How can we save money on herbs and spices?Tawra Kellam: Well, first of all, if you're thinking of prepping for situations like right now in this pandemic that we're in, stock up on salt and garlic powder and onion powder. If you get just those three spices, that will take care of 90% of your seasoning meat. Get garlic powder and onion powder instead of garlic salt and onion salt, because you can always add salt and the garlic powder and onion powder go further. Don't think that you have to buy these great big, once again, massive things of spices. I see people who have two people in their family and they have a one pound jug of taco seasoning, and there'll be dead before everything else is. It's just like, okay, this is crazy. People buy these humongous things but it's actually not cheaper. And I'll the honest, I get all my spices at Walmart or Dollar Tree, they're a lot cheaper.Tawra Kellam: I get them once again in the small little containers, but they're a quarter of the price. That's the way I save on spices. I don't have a lot of spices. There's no reason to have 50, 60 spices in your spice cabinet? I have more than I normally would use because I'm recipe testing, but I normally have about eight, maybe 10, maybe not even that many, closer to eight I think, spices that I use on a regular basis and that's it. Then the three, salt, garlic, and onion powder, those three I use 90% of the time. When we were at the store yesterday, I was shocked that really people aren't buying salt. Guys, if you are going to be going through something, you need to have seasoning, and salt is the best seasoning that you can buy to make your food taste good.Suzy Chase: You have recipes for everything in this cookbook. It's more than a cookbook, lip balm, window cleaner, laundry soap disinfectant, and even skunk smell remover. I love it.Tawra Kellam: I wanted to make sure it was comprehensive. And it's over 600 pages, but it's still not comprehensive enough to the point where we have volume two coming out in a couple of months. But I wanted to be sure that if you could get basic items, you could make whatever you needed to help you get by. So that's kind of why we put lip balm and laundry detergent and all yogurt, all those things in there. That's to help you make it at home when you need to.Suzy Chase: How are you testing recipes for your new cookbook and can you tell us a little bit about it?Tawra Kellam: Well, so thankfully, I got 90% of my recipe testing done before this pandemic hit. But I will tell you, I am having a little bit difficult time because I don't want to waste ingredients right now. So I'm being very careful. Instead of testing five to 10 recipes a day, I'm only testing one or two that we are actually using to eat with our dinner. If the recipe doesn't quite turn out like we had thought, we're still eating it, I'm going to doctor it up. I made a pizza crust the other day for my gluten free dairy free cookbook that's coming up and didn't really taste that great honestly. But I was like, "Boys, we are not wasting food."Suzy Chase: Dig in.Tawra Kellam: Yeah. It wasn't horrible by any stretch of the imagination, but it wasn't the wonderful fluffy pizza that everybody's used to. So right now, I'm just testing with things that I already have. As I go to the store, if I happen to see it, I have something, I will pick it up. But it is a little bit harder right now, but I'm still getting one or two recipes tested today, which is pretty good.Suzy Chase: Now for my segment called, My Favorite Cookbook, aside from this cookbook, what is your all time favorite cookbook and why?Tawra Kellam: I'll be perfectly honest, it's my cookbook. I'm not just saying that, I truly do not use any other cookbook at all. I don't even have them in my kitchen. This is the only cookbook I have. And I wrote it because it had all the recipes that I wanted to make on a regular basis. So I truly don't use any other cookbook. When I'm recipe testing, I have a question about something, I will go to Betty Crocker. If I need to look up and cross-reference and see, okay, wait, these directions don't sound right, how did Betty Crocker do it? If I didn't have Dining on a Dime, I'd probably do Betty Crocker. But I truly I don't use any other cookbooks. I don't want to have any others that I use. I don't.Suzy Chase: I love it. That's a good testament to your cookbook. So where can we find you on the web and social media and YouTube?Tawra Kellam: We're all over. We're livingonadime.com. You can go get our Dining on a Dime cookbook there. We are on YouTube, Living on a Dime To Grow Rich. We are on Facebook, Living on a Dime. We just recently changed our name because we want people to be encouraged that you're not living on a dime to wallow in your misery, you're living on a dime to move yourself forward to financial freedom. My husband and I are completely debt free. Our YouTube videos or Facebook page or Pinterest page, we have a huge Pinterest page, and our website are all geared to help people get out of debt and become financially free so that they are not stressed out about money.Suzy Chase: Oh my gosh! Thanks, Tawra. We needed you. Thank you so much for coming on Cookery by the Book podcast.Tawra Kellam: You're welcome. I appreciate you having me. Thanks so much.Outro: Subscribe over on CookerybytheBook.com. And thanks for listening to the number one cookbook podcast, Cookery by the Book.

It was the night before I was about to launch my one K weekend challenge, evergreen funnel. When I had my Covid moment and realized how serious everything was, everything began shutting down. Everybody was going into their homes and staying apart and taking this seriously finally and social distancing. [00:00:21]And here I was literally one day away from telling people, photographer, specifically, here's what you say and do to book clients when they're getting cancellation after cancellation from events, closing, weddings being postponed and the works, they can't even get out of their houses to do their work. So what was I going to do? [00:00:40] What was I going to do? That's what I'm going to tell you about in today's episode. [00:00:45] I really went back and forth for quite a while as to whether or not I should do the one K weekend and it starts with the live video. That then encourages people to opt in to download this guide that I created so that they could do the one K we can challenge and at some point, I'm totally gonna walk you through how I change the structure to go from doing a event, a big challenge in real time online, which is what I've done in the past, very successfully to having a challenge going all the time, but still being able to support people and hopefully help them get results. [00:01:38]But the beginning of it is a live video that I wanted to record with people there live to have their energy and then use that in the future and keep sending people to it. And I didn't know if it was appropriate to do it. It seemed like the literally the worst time ever, my industry was like shutting down. [00:01:55] People were freaking out and here I was saying, Hey, go try and book clients. But what I realized is that. If it worked even for a few people, those few people would be helped immensely because they'd have extra money in their bank account coming into this scary time. So we did it. I decided to do it. I put out an email that day. [00:02:19] That morning and I put a post in my Facebook group and said, Hey, let's do this. Why not try sign up here and I'll give you a reminder or just come watch live and you can sign up for the guide afterwards if you want to. So. I don't own an eight to 10 hours. I had 368 people who signed up to come and do the one K weekend challenge, and I was thrilled. [00:02:42] Like I was just hoping to get like 50 people there because I knew that just having a few people there would give me that energy. When I'm on live, I really love doing live video. It's, Probably my favorite podcasting is second, but I don't get to interact with you in the same way in a podcast. You just have to sit and listen to me talk while I love to talk. [00:02:59] It's just not quite the same, but I went into this, I did the live video, and then I waited and because it was time for people to do the stuff, and unlike a launch, I had everything built beforehand. I had been working for. Little over a month and a half to get all the messaging done, all the Facebook posts, done, all that supporting videos, done all the emails, written, everything was done, and now all I had to do was support people and really encourage them to go through the funnel and go through the process and trust that it was going to work. [00:03:32] Right. I had . Intentionally created us to be as hands off as possible. So it was really an odd feeling because normally with the one K weekend, like the group goes crazy. I'm answering comments left and right, whatever. And so, I started seeing a few people interacting on the post that we had put , there's a post for them to like share when they've posted it, so we can encourage them. [00:03:54]there's some posts about how to support them. So like if they're not booking clients, here's a couple of things that could be going on here. Some more ideas. I had about four or five different little video posts to help them in various situations, and they were getting a little bit of response and a few people were booking clients, which is fantastic. [00:04:13] In fact, I started using this new software called video ask, and I'll try and put a link in the show notes if I remember. It's phenomenal. It's a really great way to get testimonials. And so two of them even recorded testimonials for me that day, like that over the weekend that I was able to share on Monday and say, look, even though everything is going crazy right now, we're all being asked to stay home. [00:04:37] Ven events are canceling and weddings are canning, you know, all this stuff. You know what's going on. Everybody in this world is dealing with this now or has dealt with it depending on when you're listening to this. And so. you know, I was, I was happy to see that people were still booking clients using this process because, you know, I didn't know if it was gonna work. [00:04:56] And if you're challenged doesn't get people results, it's definitely not going to get them to purchase your course. so yeah, so there was some positive things. There was some excitement building. But then Monday came and that's when I did my video. I did my stuff, and then I looked at my numbers and that Monday, so I should back up a second. [00:05:06] When they do the one K weekend, I really love action takers because those are the people who survive in business. Those are the people who get stuff done, even if it's not perfect, and it's that. Momentum of actually taking action and not just wallowing in fear and learning more and more and more before they ever move forward. [00:05:25]. I mean, it's like the biggest indicator of somebody who's going to make it in business. So I love to work with action takers, and I told people that. If they did the one K weekend, regardless of whether or not they get results, they could get my course for half price. [00:05:39] So my course goes for $2,000 or $399 a month over six payments. And so if they just do the one K weekend, I give them a private invitation window where they can get it for either nine 99 or just six payments of one 99 so basically. I give them $1,000 towards taking the story session system and then hopefully the challenge makes them $1,000 or more so that it's a no brainer if this is something that they want to do going forward. [00:06:07] It just works really well. so I was getting testimonials and then we started into the sales sequence. And, I was no, well, before they get into that, they also get a bonus video, which is really great. [00:06:17] It's like how to turn their one-time clients into recurring clients. And, I started looking at my numbers because I wanted to see how many people had done it. It's that Monday afterwards. It's the start of the sales sequence. It's the start of when they get their bonuses. And I had only had 12 people, 12 people. [00:06:35] I had a 368 people who signed up to do it. Only 12 of them took action. That's just 3% now, of those 3% who did it, half of them booked clients, which was phenomenal, but I just had this panic moment because if nobody's going to do the challenge . My funnel is broke. it doesn't work. If people don't do it, it will not work if people are not doing the challenge. [00:07:01]I mean, anyone who's doing it and getting results like great, even if they don't get results, but they can see how it works and they can see the progress they're making, there's hope there, right? And so, I was just super down. I'm like, what am I going to do if people don't actually take action if they're so afraid to move forward that they're not even trying? [00:07:22] I'm going to be straight up honest. I had another dark day. It was a very dark day of thinking about what would happen if I can't bring any money in, my business will fail and it's probably only got like two months maybe. I'm not sure if that were the case. And, that's another thing I need to do this week is look at all the numbers, which is terrifying, but I'm going to do it tomorrow. [00:07:42] In fact, and if you haven't, you should do it too, even though I know it's scary. , so I had a dark day, but the next day. I had a brilliant moment. It was a beautiful moment of incredible clarity and incredible productivity too. It's just one of those great days. And I realized that the people who are gonna make it through this in my industry were the ones taking action. [00:08:05] Because the ones taking action, half of them got results. Like that's a really great statistic. And I was so thankful that I had taken the time to actually set up all of this up in my funnel so that I could track the people who , did it and track the results and the ones who got, the clients, the ones who didn't and how much money they made and how many clients they booked to have it all there. [00:08:23] It's all there. Cause I wanted to be able to celebrate them and feature them in my community. And so I did this Facebook live and I did it on Instagram too. I've never done an Instagram live before. That was kinda fun. And I shared about who I thought was going to make it in this industry and who wasn't and why. [00:08:40] I thought there was a possibility of 97% of photography businesses failing through this. And I basically took it straight from the numbers in my funnel. Now I know there's a lot of if, ands, or buts in that, but if only 3% of people are actually taking action to move their business forward during this time, and 97% are not. [00:09:00]Either because they don't believe it's going to work or because they're afraid and paralyzed by it or whatever it is. They're not going to make it. If you are so terrified right now that you can even take action in your business and move forward, of course you're not going to make it through. Like we have to keep that momentum going. [00:09:19] We've got to keep moving forward, even if it's just one little thing a day to do towards growing your business. and I know that's scary, but. People were so moved by that, because then I could say, you know, I know you don't think that anyone's going to book, but look at these 3%, those 12 people who did it, half of them did actually book clients. [00:09:38] One of them booked seven clients during that. She made $3,500 during that challenge, , the goal was to show them that there's still hope, not to say, Hey, you're going to fail. But the difference, the thing that separates the people who will absolutely fail and the people who will hopefully make it is the ones who hopefully make it and probably will make it, are the ones taking action who have not given up. [00:10:01] Even when they don't know if it's gonna work, and I saw that in myself. I had to still do this video even though I didn't know if it was going to work. I knew I needed to put it out there and that if I didn't put it out there, I absolutely wouldn't be making any money like I had to do it, even though I knew the results would be lower. [00:10:16]And yeah, I totally had a dark day when I realized only 12 people, only 3% actually did it. But then when I realized that I could encourage people to get results and take action and show them that. It's easy to keep moving forward if you're taking action, like part of this is just doing the thing, right? [00:10:34] Just doing the thing. And so right now I have more people doing it. This is only a few days ago. So, we will see how it goes in terms of the funnel performing long term. We did get one sale from it, which was great. It gave me hope that people will actually take this time to buy and to work on their business and they have hope as well. [00:10:54]And so, you know, my business might survive. I need more than one sale a week to survive though my, Oh my. But, Here's what I want to encourage you right now, and it's the same for me to keep. Taking action, do not let this panic and this fear and all of this stuff, which is there, and it's valid to acknowledge it, but like don't let it hold you back from taking action and don't just be passive about it. [00:11:21] Like, yeah, it's absolutely great to update your website and do all those things that you've been meaning to do, but do not neglect marketing or even sales. It's not wrong to try and sell right now. There are some people. Who are thriving right now. there are several people in the mastermind. I'm in impact mastermind with Stu McLaren who are crushing it because they have memberships or products that serve people who. [00:11:49]Like hobbies, for example, or like the artists, they have people who are ready to dive into the art who finally have time to do it because they didn't have time before. Right. And so they're thriving. music lessons. My friend who runs a guitar membership is just crushing it right now because people are finally picking up their guitar and playing. [00:12:08] Actually, I'm one of those people, it's really funny. I have played my guitar. Every single day in March after not playing it for like years and years and years. I picked it up a little bit this last year again, but, it's just been amazing to see some people are thriving. I imagine that, companies that sell home. [00:12:26]Workout equipment are thriving. we all know that like puzzles and games and anything to entertain kids is surviving and thriving. there's lots of people out there who are definitely gonna make it through this really well. And there's plenty of industries that are going to hit be hit hard by this, like the photography industry. [00:12:45]But the thing is we can't stop taking action, or we. Absolutely aren't going to make it. So think about one thing you can do right now today to take action on your business and to do so in a really active way, not just passively, but like actively trying to promote the product or the service that you sell. [00:13:05] Now, if you're a service provider and you can't do it, like if you're a photographer, you can't shoot right now, but you absolutely can do an offer for people to say, Hey, if you book me now, I will give you a discount. Because let's face it, we need money, and this gives them an incentive to book. [00:13:20] Now , and if you do that now, we'll plan over the next few months or weeks or however long the, I hope it's not too many months, but however long it is that we cannot be together and do the actual session. We'll take this time to plan it out. And then as soon as we're able to, we'll schedule a time and we'll shoot the session. [00:13:37]After all of this quarantining and everything is done. Okay? So you can do that. You'll get it. They get a deal now because you're just trying to keep cash flow during this really hard time so you can keep your business afloat and they get a deal because they get to invest now for something that they'd normally have to pay a lot more for later that they still absolutely need. [00:13:57] So there are ways to do this that are a win for us. Everybody. There's nothing wrong with that. And so think about the things you can do, not just passively but actively. the best way to figure that out is to have focus, I'm going to talk about that in the next episode because that was my biggest struggle was, okay, I'm going to take action. [00:14:15] I'm going to keep moving forward. But what do I do first? How do I focus? So that's where we're going in the next episode. Make sure you don't miss it. Sign up at personal brand journey dot comm to get notifications through telegram, which is a free app. I highly recommend using it. download telegram, and then click the join button once it takes you to the channel. [00:14:35] Personal brand journey.com and if you haven't yet, subscribe to the podcast. The more subscribers we get, the more we go up through the ranks and , then you have a second thing that gives you updates if you go into your podcast app. So would love to make sure that you don't miss this next time. [00:14:51]thanks for subscribing and if you've enjoyed it, we'd love it if you'd leave a review as well. So would that. Have a great day. I will catch you in the next episode all about finding your focus. You know how to move forward during this crazy time in your business,

Welcome!  Hey everyone.  I hope you are all doing well during this period of social distancing we are experiencing due to the Covid-19 pandemic. If you are new to doing remote work or working from home then you are going to want to attend the series of webinars on tools, techniques, and tactics you can use to make this easier for you.  These are all offered at no charge. Later next week, I will be offering a live training course on securing your computers, networks, and browsers. This will be deeply discounted. No pressure, but if you are interested, I would appreciate your business. I was on with Jim Polito who was sitting in his kitchen under self-quarantine because he recently traveled overseas. We discussed some Top Tips for Remote Working and Working From Home. So, here we go with Jim Polito. For more tech tips, news, and updates visit - CraigPeterson.com ---  Automated Machine Generated Transcript: Craig There is a special plug-in that goes into your browsers, which helps to improve the whole browser experience. You use less memory, you will use less battery if you're on a laptop, and maybe you're out a little bit. That's the kind of the scope of what we're doing. We're getting into security as well. I'm going to teach you the tools, techniques, and tactics that I use, Jim. Craig This morning I was on with Jim Polito course, Craig Peterson here. And I spent a little time talking about the webinars, and what I have learned from more than 20 years of working from home and with my family. I will tell you the things that work for all of us. So listen in here we go. Jim He is the man, and this is the guy you want to turn to in times like these. I'm talking about our tech talk guru, Craig Peterson. Good morning, Craig. Craig Good Morning. I guess I am the man of the hour. I can't believe how many people have work from home questions. Jim Listen, let's start by just letting everybody know at the end of this segment, you can get all of this information plus more. You can get on his list, which is an excellent thing, especially now. Because you will send great information along to people, and you won't try to sell them anything or anything else. It's just that's how it is. But that we'll talk about at the end, but you've got some webinars going on. Before we get to our topics at hand, you have a pretty significant announcement. Craig Yeah, this is a very, very big thing. I think for so many people. We have, as you might know, I've been doing webinars for the FBI is infragard program. That's where The FBI works with critical infrastructure and critical businesses in several areas. Now, I guess based on what you were saying this morning. I've been doing these for quite a while. And the whole idea is to help businesses understand what they need to do. And we get some information from the FBI. They'll tell us stuff that they'll tell anybody, and then they keep everything that keeps us up at night, close to their chest. Yeah. Here's what I'm going to do. I have been doing webinars now for quite a few years, and we have some brand new ones. I have nine different remote work or work from home type of webinars coming up over the next two weeks. We're going delve into a different topic each day. I'm going to make them available to people who sign up. That is important as these are going to be LIVE. I will stay on and answer everybody's questions. The ones that I've done so far, they have been averaging about an hour and a half long. We're going to have one at 4 pm. Today, one at 9 pm tonight, and we're going to be talking about how to a special plug-in for your browsers, that helps to improve the whole browser experience. It will help you use less memory, you use less battery if you're on a laptop, and you step out for a little bit. That's the scope of what we're doing, and we will be getting into security as well. I'm going to teach you the tools, techniques, and tactics that I use, Jim. The way people sign up is they can just go to my website, Craig Peterson dot com slash Jim. There's a special sign-up there. Craig Peterson dot com slash Jim. It is just teaching and is free for everybody. Even though maybe you're a little bit older, you're not working anymore. Although aimed at remote workers, both for the business owner and the people working from home. If you're a little bit older, you're not working anymore, and you are still going to get a lot of benefit out of these webinars because you're going to learn a lot more about security. I'm going to give you all these free tools I use. We'll talk a little bit about some of the paid tools that we use, but it's all about remote working in this day and age. Jim That's great. You know what I'll do, we always podcast this segment. And what I'll do is I'll put up a link in that podcast posting at WTAG dot com on the Jim Polito Show page. When I broadcast this later this morning, I'll put that link up so people can get it now. I used some of the information you sent me. I mean, all of it was fascinating. However, I want to zero in on one thing. The big gamble that tech companies are making right now. As you know, they say necessity is the mother of invention. These companies must now take a more in-depth look at artificial intelligence. Not that companies aren't already using it, including our artificial intelligence right here at iHeart. But artificial intelligence in terms of these big tech companies, and it's kind of a gamble right now, why don't you explain that? Craig Yeah, it is because their people, you know, they aren't able to go into work. We've been using it in the tech industry for quite a while. We have used it to work with foreign workers as well. That has been wonderful for them because it helps to move them up to the food ladder if you will by increasing their pay. You know, it used to be that we would always outsource to India and it was very cheap. Then India's wages now are almost on par depending on what type of work it is with US workers. Currently, India is outsourcing to China. It's great. It's been lifting all the boats in that ocean everybody has been doing a little bit better. But we're at the point now where we need to have some more advanced technology. We're talking about hundreds of hours worth of videos being uploaded to YouTube every minute. There is no way that you could hire enough people to review all of those as an example. So what we see now is an acceleration via this artificial intelligence type mechanism reviewing videos. We see our posts on Facebook, for instance, and you're having problems getting your advertising approved. BTW that is another reason to use iHeart to get your messages out, which I heard is also using AI to accept these ads. So, overall, this is the trend, it's going to be here it started before the whole Covid-19 virus thing. However, with many people quarantining, you can't find a laptop to buy anywhere in the known universe, because they are all gone. Many of these businesses now no longer have the workers that they used to have even. So they've turned more to artificial intelligence. That means that there are all kinds of false negatives about some of the stuff you're posting. Which means things you're posting may get blocked more often than usual. Things you post, videos you upload might not get approved. And this is an overall trend. You know, they call it artificial intelligence, Jim. But the way I've been looking at it is not even machine learning. It's just some heavy programming that looks for patterns looking for keywords that have been getting a little bit smarter as time goes on. It's not like, like in science fiction movies, where artificial intelligence becomes self-aware. It is. I mean, frankly, what Tommy be our meteorologist does with the models is a form of artificial intelligence because the models continue to learn. They adapt and regurgitate what they learn. They're not self-aware. They're not reasoning they're doing what we have programmed them to do. They're looking for pattern matches. That is what they're looking for, and you know what, with this coronavirus pandemic, the whole artificial intelligence pattern matching thing has been a huge win. We're able to run simulations. Not just against known drugs that a drug company might want to try but against basically every material and combination of materials and minerals and bacterium, etc., etc. Even those that we could even think of using. We can run the simulations inside these artificial bits of intelligence that have learned a little bit about these patterns. We see these types of vaccines and medications delivered in just an incredible time. Things that would take years are now taking hours literally, and we are moving towards the point very, very soon. We already have some of this where we will have drugs ready. These vaccines you name it made specifically for us. So there will be a Jim Polito pill the Jim Polito can take that will deal with all of the issues he has. That's all thanks to this artificial intelligence, this machine learning that's going on right now. Jim I don't think people want to take the Jim Polito pill, to be honest with you. I understand the metaphor there, Craig, but I just you know, nobody wants to be a middle-aged chubby and loudmouth and be stupid when it comes to tech, right. We're talking with Craig Peterson, our tech talk guru. Artificial intelligence is a big tech gamble right now. His webinars, which you can sign up for from him, and at the end of his segment, and we're going to tell you how you can get all of this information from him. Jim Craig, if I could just shift back, again, to working from home. I know you're going to discuss this in the webinars, and in the short time we have left, could you give me kind of just a brief bit of some of the things that you've learned over the 22 years of working from home, not because you had to, but because it worked for you? Craig Yeah, it did. There are some basics that I have found work well for both my wife and I. Now I even have kids that work from home, too. In 22 years of working from home, the number one thing that I've learned is you have to have not just a separate space, but multiple separate areas. Most of us have various job functions that we're performing, and you need to have a different place for each job function, especially if you're kind of an entrepreneur or you're trying to start a home business. Now, this doesn't mean you have to have different rooms, don't get me wrong, but don't sit in that chair you use to watch TV. Or if you only have one chair, turn it around, and, you know, face a different window have different environments. That's number one. Number two is one that I found very, very helpful, and that is to use the Pomodoro Technique. We mentioned that last week, and that is to take 20 minutes and then a 10-minute break. So that you're very, very focused on it. You have to get up and walk around. I sit on a big balance ball, and I have a desk that goes up and down. I can be standing, and I can be sitting in a chair like I am right now. Or I can be on one of these balance balls. Because if you don't, and may not think of it but you have To get up, you have to keep moving. And then the third most important thing, again, not technology-wise, is that your family has to respect your workspace. Think of different ways you could do it. Most people, it's advised to dress up as you would usually for work. And if your family sees you in work clothes, they're supposed to leave you alone. But you know, the workaround I have on that that has worked exceptionally well for me, is when it's that break time when I've done my 20 minutes of hard work. Then a 10-minute break, I walk into the rest of the house, go to the kitchen, walk around, get a cup of water, and talk to the family. That way, they don't have to interrupt me when I'm working hard. And then the technology side, make sure you are safe, and I mean safe and so Friday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. I'm going to be talking specifically about some important security things you have to be doing in the webinars. And I've got right I'm doing two today to Thursday to on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, all the way through next week because I want to help everybody because these tech issues on security just get so complicated so fast. Still, those are my tips right there, and they have gotten me a long way. Jim I'll tell you, you know, the first day I did the show on the pajamas, but on the second day, I only thought about it. Now I'm up and dressed. You know, the thing is, I wear pretty much the same clothes to go to work that I do on the weekend. But no, I got up showered did the same thing that I would do. You know other than getting in the car and driving, everything I did was the same. I like you, take breaks during the commercials in our show when I don't have work to do. When I'm back in the studio, I walk around the building, you know I get out of the studio, and it refreshes my brain and resets it. Here it's perfect because I can get up from the table and the little broadcast area I have here. I can talk to Kathy, pet the dog, whatever, you know, that kind of stuff. It does help, but then I go back into the mode, and I'm in my little you know area here. It works. Look, it is time to get folks the immediate information. When I podcast, this will have a link, but you can give the link now to if you want. So, one thing to get on Craig's email list, you text My name Jim, J-I-M to this number. Craig Here 855-385-5563. So let's just Jim 2855385 5553 Jim All right, standard data and tax rates apply. Then, Craig, I'm going to put this with the podcast the address for the to be able to find out about the webinars you're doing for working at home. All right, there you go. It's Craig Peterson, of course. Craig Peterson dot com slash, Jim. Craig That's the only place you'll find it right now you guys are getting a heads up. You're going to be some of the first ones to be able to get in and ask questions. I am not advertising it generally right now. It's because I want to start small and help people as much as I can. Craig Peterson dot com slash Jim. Jim Craig, you're the best. We appreciate it. Especially in these times, folks you want to get on Craig's list. I don't mean the website. I mean, Craig Peterson, and if you can, attend some of those webinars. Craig, I will talk to you next week. Stay safe. Craig All right. Thanks. Take care. Bye-bye. Jim All right, and I will podcast that this morning. A final word when we return. You're listening to the Jim Polito show from my kitchen with pops. It is your safe space. The Jim Polito show, where we serve hot drinks. Transcribed by https://otter.ai ---  More stories and tech updates at: www.craigpeterson.com Don't miss an episode from Craig. Subscribe and give us a rating: www.craigpeterson.com/itunes Follow me on Twitter for the latest in tech at: www.twitter.com/craigpeterson For questions, call or text: 855-385-5553

When I'm working on this podcast sometimes I wish my boss would be a little harder on me because it can be easy for me to get behind - but my boss is kind of laid back and lets me get away with more than I should - and that's probably because my boss is me. When I can't count on myself to get the things I need to turn to others to help me out. A lot of us with ADHD can have trouble turning to others when we need help, but we don't have to do things alone. And one of the best ways others can help you is through accountability. Today I'm going to talk about what accountability is, what it isn't and ways that you can get some more into your life so that you can follow through with your intentions.Find the full show note on my web page: HackingYourADHD.com/podcast/CompassionateAssKickingToday's Top TipsAccountability is about stating what your intentions are to someone else so that you can accountable to them about whether or not you followed through with those intentionsThere are a lot of ways that you can build accountability into your life - like body doubling and accountability teamsWhen forming an accountability team make sure everyone is on the same page when you are starting up so that everyone knows what to expect and what is expected of them

Today's word of the day is 'au revoir' as in see ya Todd Gurley! Two years after signing the largest RB contract in NFL history the Rams released Gurley and he now settles for a one-year deal with the Falcons (0:06). So You Wanna Talk Samson!? Someone asked me about the Darius Slay situation in Detroit with Matt Patricia... Do players ever win battles against a coach or the front office (10:04)? When I'm right, I'm right! On March 7th I told you loyal listeners that Chris Sale was going to need Tommy John surgery and here we are on March 20th and the Red Sox announce that Chris Sale needs Tommy John surgery (16:52). Review - Blind Date (22:04). The NBA always seems to get things right... this time it's having superstars go live on social media to interact with fans... something MLB would NEVER do (25:02). On Day 5 of the MLBeardChallenge we talk the Chicago Cubs! I have a Steve Bartman story for you all (32:22). Today's show will end a bit differently... it's the first ever Nothing Personal Final Word and it goes to a couple of US Senators... why? #waittosee ---------------------------   'Nothing Personal with David Samson' is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Castbox, Bullhorn and wherever else you listen to podcasts.   Follow David on Twitter: @DavidPSamson  To watch David on CBS Sports HQ visit https://www.cbssports.com/live/ To hear more from the CBS Sports Podcast Network, visit https://www.cbssports.com/podcasts/

Dinner in French: My Recipes By Way Of FranceBy Melissa Clark Intro: Welcome to the number one cookbook podcast, Cookery by the Book with Suzy Chase. She's just a home cook in New York City, sitting at her dining room table talking to cookbook authors.Melissa Clark: Hi, I'm Melissa Clark. I am a food reporter for the New York Times and a cookbook author and my latest cookbook is called "Dinner in French: My Recipes By Way Of France."Suzy Chase: You are the most prolific cookbook writer I've had on the podcast with more than 40 cookbooks under your belt and you write for the New York Times Food Section in addition to your weekly column called, "A Good Appetite." This conversation is going to be a two-parter. First let's chat about your new cookbook, "Dinner in French." Then I know we're all desperate to hear some clever ways to use our pantry items while we're at home during the coronavirus quarantine. You first fell in love with France and French food as a child thanks to your great aunt Martha and great uncle Jack. Talk a little bit about your annual summer vacations and how that came about?Melissa Clark: It was a really crazy childhood. My parents were both psychiatrists and this was back in the 70s and 80s. In those days when you were a psychiatrist you had the whole month of August off. If you had any kind of mental issues in August you were stuck, you had to wait until September but it was great for us as a family because we took the month and we would travel. My parents fell in love with France before we were born thanks to my great uncle Jack and my great aunt Martha who took them to France when they were graduating from medical school. They fell in love with France and they took us, they took my sister and me, every single summer. What we did, and this was really unusual back in the day, was we house exchanged. Now people think, "Oh house exchange, Airbnb," they're used to it but especially this was in the early 80s. There was no internet so just imagine typing out letters to strangers in France. There was a directory so you would find these people who were willing to exchange houses but that was all. There was just a list of names.Melissa Clark: We would send these letters and then we'd wait a few months to get letters back. Then we would arrange a telephone call and eventually arrange an exchange but it was this leap of trust and faith, which I don't think, I mean it was strange back then and even now can you imagine if you were going to exchange houses with someone you would Google them and you would find out everything you could about them and you would see aerial pictures of the house. We just went in blind but despite that it was amazing. So there we were, out family of four living in these French people's houses and the French would come to our house and they would take care of our cat, we would take care of their vegetable garden or whatever it was and it was great. It was this really immersive cultural experience every single August. What we did as a family when we got to France was we cooked. We did not cook at home in Brooklyn together. We did not have time. My parents were professionals. As psychiatrists they worked late into the evening. My sister and I were kind of on our own for dinner most of the time.Melissa Clark: In France we ate every meal together and we cooked it together and that's where I learned how to cook. For me, cooking, my first memories and my first love of cooking, it all happened in France.Suzy Chase: In the cookbook how do you pair the way you ate growing up in Brooklyn with French cuisine?Melissa Clark: To me it was the same thing. I didn't have a division of, "Okay this is Brooklyn food and this is French food." To me it was all the same. It was all, "These are the flavors of my childhood" and the flavors of my childhood were my grandmother's food and when my parents did cook. I grew up in a Jewish household so my grandmother's food to me is very Ashkenazi Jewish. I remember baked apples and Shabbat dinner with brisket and latkes and kugel and gefilte fish, you know? That was all very much part of my childhood and not to mention the Brooklyn flavors that I was having and Brooklyn was diverse even back then. I mean, Brooklyn is way diverse now but back in the 80s we were still going out, we were going out for Chinese food, we're getting dim sum, we were going to Lundy's, which Lundy's was this great old fish seafood shack, or not shack, restaurant in Sheepshead Bay and we would get these amazing biscuits and DiFara's Pizza which now is a cult place but back then it was one of our local pizzerias that we would go and get this incredible Sicilian grandma pies.Melissa Clark: It was this mishmash and then French food was just part of that. It's like, oh, we would go to France and we would eat crepes and it was all part of the same thing. So when I develop recipes and think about cooking I'm using all of those flavors from my childhood to create something and I've never really written about it in an organized way until Dinner in French, until this cookbook.Suzy Chase: What made you decide to write this cookbook?Melissa Clark: I spent most of my life a little bit embarrassed about the French connection in my past mostly because I am embarrassed to tell you that my French is terrible. Any time I would tell someone, I'd say I spent every August in France they'd say, "Oh you must speak French" and I even spent a semester in college in Paris and I could never master it. I'm not great at languages, I'm also not great at music. I don't have the ear. I study and I study and I study and I speak passable French. I get around, I'm fine, but I'm not fluent and that lack of fluency, especially because my husband is actually fluent in French which kind of makes it worse, makes me not want to admit to being as close to French food as I am.Melissa Clark: It's a funny thing but as an adult, finally I've grown up and I've decided, "You know what? This is actually part of me and part of my childhood and I'm going to get over the fact that I don't speak it very well" because you know what I realized? I can cook in French. I cannot conjugate but I can, give me a French kitchen and any French ingredient and I can cook with it and make it my own. When I'm cooking, I call it "Cooking in French" you know? I can do it by feel, I can do it by sensory, it's just part of me. Because I am who I am, I'm also very practical. Whenever I think about cooking in French I'm also thinking about how to do it a little more easily. I'm not thinking about classic technique. You know what I'm thinking about? I'm thinking about we forget that French people make dinner every single night for their families, you know? It's not just fancy restaurants and that's, when I say I "Cook in French" that's the food I'm cooking. French home cooking through this like, Brooklyn lens of even more practicality and making it, so streamlining the dishes, making them very accessible so I don't have to do a lot of cleanup after all.Melissa Clark: I'm always thinking, "Can I eliminate a pot? Can I do this a little more easily?" Then I'm adding different flavors in from Brooklyn but also just from my life, from my travels. Cooking in French, it's a very broad definition of what I consider this kind of French food to be.Suzy Chase: It's kind of like your autobiography.Melissa Clark: Yeah in a way. It's all the different parts. It really is. Although maybe we're going to leave out the Swedish first husband because he doesn't really factor in. There's no Swedish recipes in here.Suzy Chase: Yeah.Melissa Clark: Except for that.Suzy Chase: Yeah, we don't need him.Melissa Clark: We don't need him.Suzy Chase: No. I think this cookbook, probably more than your others, really highlights your lighthearted exploration of flavors and cuisines. So many cookbooks I find, especially foreign ones, are so serious, right?Melissa Clark: Yeah it's true. Well you know when you're writing about a foreign to you cuisine, so maybe you are writing about someone else's culture or maybe it's your culture and you're trying to present it to people who are not familiar with it, I think there is actually a big weight on your shoulders because you need to do justice, right? That's important and that is, especially right now in this age of learning about cultural appropriation in food, this is a really important issue. You want to take culture and people's culture and your own culture very seriously but I kind of get a pass on France because it is something that I learned in my childhood and it's also something that I'm not trying to be authentic. That's not my goal here. I'm not trying to present French culture. I would never, ever have undertaken this book if I was trying to do that. I'm trying to give you a sense of who I am as a cook and I am a lighthearted cook to be honest. I love to play with ingredients, I love to play with flavors.Melissa Clark: One thing I read about in this cookbook is I remember when I was a kid, right, we'd come back to Brooklyn and my parents would make these amazing Julie Child type gourmet dinners. They were using Julia's recipes and they were very like, serious about following the recipe. Or maybe they'd use Jacques Pepin, but then the next day with the leftovers I think my dad had made the coq au vin and my mom was taking it and she was slathering it on challah. I think my dad was maybe adding some soy sauce. They were so free in what they did as cooks and I really adopted that. I'm not afraid to play with flavor, I'm not afraid to play with technique. I will take a dish apart and put it back together if I like it better that way but again, I'm not trying to represent French culture. I'm trying to let other cooks know how I do it.Suzy Chase: Dinner in French, I love your introductions to each recipe. Especially the one for Grated Carrot Salad with Preserved Lemon and Coriander on Page 71. Can you talk a little bit about that?Melissa Clark: Basically when you go to Paris and you order a plate of crudités or really anywhere in France and you get all these different little composed salads and I ate a ton of crudités when I was a student in Paris during college because I was also eating a ton of Croque Monsieurs and ham and cheese sandwiches and I was eating a lot of baguettes and boy, was I eating those Pain au Chocolat, right? I was a little worried about balancing my day. I was always concerned about my weight. I mean, this is just something that as a woman you grow up with and I took it in. Also members of my family are heavy so I knew that if I wanted to eat well I needed to eat carefully. This was just always something on my mind. When I was a student and I was in college I would say, "All right if I'm going to eat all of this cheese and oh my God did I eat the cheese? I'm going to have to have crudités a lot. A lot of vegetables." But I fell in love with it because salads in France are so delicious.Melissa Clark: There's so much, especially better than the salads I had in the 80s in New York. We were still kind of gearing up as a food culture. Especially in an every day, you know, fancy restaurants had great salads but when you were a student and you went to get a salad in a diner in New York you certainly didn't get the same kind of salad that you got when you were a student and you went to get a plate of crudités in a café in Paris. You got grated carrots with this delicious vinaigrette, you got sliced beets, you got potatoes, you got lettuce with a bright mustards dressing. It was all so delicious. When I got back I started making this crudités salad, which is what I called it, which is basically grated carrots with a mustardy, yummy dressing. I put herbs in it like coriander, coriander seeds and also cilantro but it was so great. It didn't even feel like I was dieting it just felt like I'm eating something that I really, really love.Melissa Clark: That recipe, which is very evocative to me of my student days is in this book and I absolutely think everybody should make it and then you should go eat the Croque Monsieur casserole because that's how I would do it. It's like a little bit of vegetable, a little bit of ham and cheese and then it all kind of balances out.Suzy Chase: Speaking of Croque Monsieur, I made it the other day, it's on page 42 and can you talk a little bit about that recipe?Melissa Clark: Yeah so Croque Monsieur are, this was the sandwich, I ate so many Croque Monsieur when I was in Paris. It's a ham and cheese sandwich but it's toasted and then they put bechamel on top. So bechamel, a white sauce, cheesy white sauce on top of your sandwich and then they broil it and it gets all golden. It's so good. I mean, I'm sorry, our grilled cheeses are good, I love a grilled cheese any which way but Croque Monsieur might be my favorite. What I did was I took those flavors and I put them into a casserole. So you make little ham and cheese sandwiches and you line them up in a casserole dish and then you pour bechamel over the whole thing and cheese and yeah. It's really good. Bubbly, hot, cheesy, hammy, the perfect brunch dish. I mean, I think it's perfect for supper, too. I mean, it's all a light supper but it's kind of one of those easy, everything goes in the oven casserole suppers. Then all you do is serve it with a big green salad on the side and you've got the best dinner. Glass of Beaujolais wouldn't hurt.Suzy Chase: Also I think this is a good recipe for right now so we can still find the white sandwich bread around at our bodega, you can still get sliced ham and I think this is great for our pandemic situation right now.Melissa Clark: Yeah, it's one of those pantry staple recipes that we need, everybody needs to really start thinking about clever ways to use pantry stable items. I'm thinking about that a lot myself. I mean, right now I'm really lucky. I'm in Brooklyn, you're I don't know how it is in the West Village, grocery store lines are long but we still can get everything and hopefully that will remain. At the same time, we don't want to go shopping too often. You want to use up all these pantry staples that you stocked your kitchen with.Suzy Chase: Your mother taught you how to get dinner on the table fast and make it taste good with what you had in the house. This is what we're grappling with right now as many of us are stuck in the home during the coronavirus pandemic. In your home in Brooklyn how are you dealing with the idea of potentially cooking three meals a day for weeks with limited access to the outside world?Melissa Clark: I'm pretty prepared. I did stock my pantry. I wrote about it for the Times and I practiced what I preached. I have a lot of beans and pastas and rice and canned fish. I'm very lucky in that I have a separate freezer in my basement. I know it's extremely lucky so I've got meat in there-Suzy Chase: So lucky.Melissa Clark: I know, I know, it's like if I just had a little freezer, I know you're in the West Village with a small freezer-Suzy Chase: Yep.Melissa Clark: That's much harder. I feel like I'm actually ahead of the game a little bit but at the same time we all have the same limitations on, "Okay all right now what? We've got our pasta and our rice and our tuna and now what are we going to do with our pasta and our rice and our tuna?" I think my job going forward is to help people think of creative ways to use everything so that we don't end up getting bored. Cooking can be a very calming process, especially right now when things are scary out there. Cooking calms you, at least it does for me, and it's also very creative. I'm hoping that people will come out of this more eager to cook, a little less afraid to try something new and I mean, also you're not cooking for entertaining, which is very different. I think most of us spend a lot of our time cooking for friends and we're thinking about what other's are going to think of what we're making but it's just for us, it's just for family. I'm hoping that people are going to use this time to experiment, get comfortable cooking things and I'm going to be there. I'm here to help.Suzy Chase: So much tuna.Melissa Clark: So much tuna.Suzy Chase: So much tuna. I don't think I'm alone when I say I have over 10 cans of tuna right now. How about that tuna dip of yours? I think it's in your dinner cookbook?Melissa Clark: Yeah. Oh, see tuna dip is great. My mother used to make this salmon mousse recipe when I was growing up. I think it was a Julia Child recipe. She would take, I think she would use canned salmon actually and put it in the blender with mayonnaise and she'd set it with gelatin and cream and it was this beautiful thing. My version of that is almost more like an Italian tonnato sauce. I take a can of tuna, I put it in the blender with olives and capers and yes, some mayonnaise and herbs and garlic and I make this tuna dip, which if you put it in the fridge it gets cold and firm and you can spread it on bread like a pate but you can also use it as a pasta sauce, you could put it on top of rice. It's fantastic if you add a little extra oil, so you make it very, very runny and you use it as a dip for veggies. It's just so versatile and so flavorful and it's like when you're getting tired of tuna casserole and tuna salad sandwiches, this is the dip to make you ... It has so much flavor in it you're like, "Oh, right. This is why I love tuna." It also has anchovies.Suzy Chase: Let's say we have a big tub of steel cut oats. What can we do with them?Melissa Clark: Steel cut oats are great to have. Not just for breakfast, either. Yes, you can make them for breakfast. I've been baking them lately which I really like. I wrote about this in The Times recently of baked steel cut oats. It's pretty much the same as if you do them on the stove except that you throw them in the oven and then you don't have to worry about them. You can season the cooking water, well first of all you can use milk if you have some but you can also add spices and I added some almond butter recently to the cooking water. Your general proportions for steel cut oats is one to three. So one cup of oats to three cups of water and you just bring it to a simmer either on the stove or you add boiling water to a casserole dish, cover it with foil and throw it in the oven for an hour. Either way but just think about what you can season that water with, different toppings but also don't forget oats are fantastic savory.Melissa Clark: If you think about polenta, we love savory polenta, oats can be used in the exact same way. Try cooking them in broth or maybe with a couple of garlic cloves and a bay leaf and then use that yummy savory kind of mushy starch as you would a bed of polenta and just throw lots of stuff on top of it. It absorbs, it's just like a great sort of bed for yummy other flavors. Or like mashed potatoes, same kind of thing, mushy, comforting, savory, add lots of butter and salt. It's just, oh, and Parmesan too. Risotto, think of it as risotto except it's oats.Suzy Chase: We all have tons of pasta on hand. Help please.Melissa Clark: I know right.Suzy Chase: So much.Melissa Clark: Yes, I mean, pasta never gets old. I'm never tired of making pasta. When you think about, I mean, all of those wonderful dishes. You can go to Italy for a month and eat pasta every day and not get tired of it and you can do the same thing in your kitchen except you're not, unfortunately, in Italy which is I guess right now good but in general bad. Think about the simplest Cucina Povera recipe, right, which is just things that you have in your pantry anyway. Maybe you have a can of anchovies, maybe you have some bread crumbs. Right now this is a time to be saving those bread scraps and making bread crumbs if you don't already. Saute’ them in garlic with some Parmesan and that with some olive oil is a fantastic pasta topping. I use little bits of leftovers as the base for pasta sauces all the time. Those left over roasted veggies I'll chop up, saute’, add some butter and throw them on top of pasta. You probably have cans of tomatoes if you love pasta you should have some plum tomatoes on hand and simmering those into a sauce of course is just the most basic, elemental thing you can do.Melissa Clark: If you have access to a sunny windowsill I would say now's the time to get some basil seeds and start planting and even if you don't-Suzy Chase: That's so smart.Melissa Clark: Maybe you'll have pesto in a month. My neighbor works at the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens and unfortunately they closed, which I was hoping I'd be able to walk outside in their gardens but we can't. However, she did bring me some basil seeds before they closed so I'm about to embark on a whole exciting little gardening trip here in my Brooklyn spot, see if I can grow. I have the brownest thumb. People, it's funny because when people call me up, my friends call me and say, "Okay I'm looking at a chicken. What do I do?" Because they have no idea how to cook and I get those calls a lot from my good friends. I'm going to do the same to my friends who garden. "All right I've got the basil seeds. Now what do I do?" So I'm very sympathetic if you can't make a chicken so please be sympathetic and teach me how to grow something.Suzy Chase: Tell us about your sardine and tomato toast recipe on page 135 in Dinner in French.Melissa Clark: Sardine toasts are my, I mean, they're my go to dish. We probably eat sardine toast once a week under normal circumstances. Not even when we're eating from the pantry, just on a normal week because we love sardines. This sardine toast recipe in Dinner in French is almost provincial in feeling because it has tomatoes and garlic and basil and sliced onions but I want to start with the basic sardine toast for people out there who are listening and they've just got their sardines and their bread and what do you do, right? You toast your bread, and this is important to use the best bread you can. Crusty like a baguette or any kind of country bread if you've got it. Toast it until it's crisp and then take a halved garlic clove and rub it all over and the garlic will get in the bread. Then you season the bread with some kind of fat. I think I used olive oil in the cookbook but you can also use butter and the fat helps spread the flavor.Melissa Clark: Then you add a little salt and if you have a tomato that's decent you can cut the tomato in half and rub those tomato guts all over that bread, almost like a Pan Con Tomate like a Catalan bread and tomato dish. We're bringing Spain in here, we're bringing France in here, we're bringing Italy. This is a very cross cultural dish but you don't even need the tomato. Just, you've got your garlic and your fat, your oil or your butter, you lay your sardines down with some thinly sliced onion or scallion or shallot and maybe some herbs if you have it or maybe some sliced tomatoes if you have them. Even if you don't, the elements are bread, garlic, fat, so say olive oil, sardines, some kind of thinly sliced onion material, salt and pepper and another drizzle of olive oil. It is divine.Suzy Chase: Eggs. Should we be stocking up on eggs?Melissa Clark: Yeah, eggs last forever. I mean, not forever but they'll last a month. They last a really long time. Get a lot of eggs, put them in the fridge. You can also leave them on the counter for about a week they'll be fine.Suzy Chase: Really?Melissa Clark: Whenever we make eggs in our house we boil them and we start with room temperature eggs so I always have about half a dozen eggs sitting out in a basket on my counter and we use those eggs for soft or hard boiled eggs. When my fridge is crammed I will keep a carton of eggs out and again, like I said, they will last for at least a week out of the fridge. Especially if you keep them in the carton. So don't worry. Don't freak out about eggs. Eggs are not like milk and butter. Even butter lasts a few days out of the fridge. I mean, we in America tend to get really nervous about perishability but in these moments when you're actually eating everything you're buying because you're cooking at home you're going to use this stuff up. So eggs and butter can be out of the fridge. Eggs for a week easily, butter for a few days. Milk unfortunately does have to go in your fridge unless you get shelf stable milk, which is another thing that we should stock up on if we drink milk and we like milk. Get some UTH shelf stable milk and that will keep in your pantry for a long time.Suzy Chase: You love a good sheet pan recipe. Could we do something with chickpeas on a sheet pan?Melissa Clark: I love a sheet pan recipe. I love chickpeas on a sheet pan. So roasted chickpeas are delicious, a great snack. Toss them with olive oil, salt and whatever spices you have around. I like to use garam masala but you can also just use cumin or a little bit of cayenne and there are different ways to do it. I like to do it in a hot, hot oven. I do 425 or 450 and when you start to see them sizzle, it takes like half an hour sometimes depending on how wet your chickpeas were, before you even do that take your chickpeas out of the can, dry them off with a kitchen towel and then coat them in oil and spices and salt and blast them in a hot oven. They're so crispy you can't stop eating them. I just love them. [inaudible 00:23:29] to that basic thing, if you've got a chicken, chicken parts or a whole chicken, throw it right on top. Just right on top of that sheet pan full of chickpeas and the chicken fat will season the chickpeas even more and make them even more crunchy and delicious. Chicken and chickpeas is one of my favorite sheet pan meals. I have a recipe for that in my dinner cookbook.Melissa Clark: Again, they can also be he bases for a vegetable dish. You can have chickpeas and you can put all kinds of veg for roasting along with them like sliced carrots and maybe cherry tomatoes if you have those little non-seasonal cherry tomatoes right now that I know that I have, just throw them on the sheet pan. They get so much better when they're roasted in spices along with some chickpeas. Potatoes are great there, too. There's a lot you can do. Just think of the chickpeas are the base and then you're going to add either a protein or more vegetables.Suzy Chase: In terms of fresh fruits and vegetables what are some varieties that keep for a while?Melissa Clark: Think about root vegetables and boiled vegetables. So aside from you know that you can keep onions and garlic and potatoes in the pantry for months, they keep for months, and sweet potatoes but then think of the ones that you might want to keep in the fridge like radishes keep for a month for sure, I've kept radishes in my fridge for a long time. Turnips, which turnips when they're fresh and juicy are delicious raw. I like to slice them into salads. Fennel is another thing that keeps for a long time, carrots of course, celery. Stock up on those things, keep them in your fridge and then if you can't get lettuce at least you can make a salad from all these juicy, crisp vegetables that you have lying around.Suzy Chase: So bars are closed in New York City. No more happy hour for us. Do you have a delicious quarantine cocktail idea?Melissa Clark: Yeah we're big Campari drinkers so we've been making Negronis that and Boulevardiers and the thing about a Negroni and a Boulevardier is it's the same drink with a different booze sort of as the center of it and it's such an easy drink. I don't really mix cocktails very well because I'm a little bit sloppy, I'm not precise. My husband bakes the bread and he mixes the cocktails and he does both of them much better than I do. I can make a Negroni or a Boulevardier. This is how you do it. It's equal parts which is so great because equal parts, right? That means for me I can eyeball it. I just put it all into my little rocks glass, equal parts Campari and then for a Negroni it's gin and for a Boulevardier it's whisky, like usually we use rye whisky but you can use bourbon, then sweet vermouth. Then you just take some orange zest and squeeze the oils into it. You do a twist, is the cocktail word for it, see I'm bad with cocktails, and some ice cubes and that is it. It is the perfect drink that even I can make.Suzy Chase: Now for my segment called "My Favorite Cookbook." Aside from this cookbook what is your all-time favorite cookbook and why? And I can't wait to hear this.Melissa Clark: Okay so I can't name a favorite because I can't have a favorite child even though I do have a favorite child because I only have one child but if I had two children I couldn't name a favorite. I can't name a favorite cookbook but the one I'm reading right now, I'm reading a lot of Jane Grigson and Jane Grigson is a British author who wrote a lot of cookbooks back in the 60s and 70s and 80s. She's fabulous. Her stuff is fresh, seasonal food that is really simple in it's essence but that she shows you how to make your own. She shows you how to adapt it and I love all food writing that is adaptable and open hearted in that way. I love people who teach you how to make things delicious in the way that you like them and Jane Grigson absolutely does. Any of her cookbooks, she has a book called "English Food" which I love but any of her books are great.Suzy Chase: Well that's what you do for us.Melissa Clark: I try. I try, darn it.Suzy Chase: Where can we find you on the web and social media?Melissa Clark: I am Instagramming like a fiend these days because I'm trying to share recipe ideas for people who are cooped up. So find me on Instagram primarily at Clarkbar. So Clarkbar like the candy, which is not good branding because on Twitter I am Melissa Clark.Suzy Chase: James Beard said, "Food unites us. It brings us together." Thank you for all that you do to bring us together and thanks for coming on Cookery by the Book podcast.Melissa Clark: Thanks for having me, Suzy.Outro: Subscribe over on CookerybytheBook.com and thanks for listening to the number one cookbook podcast, Cookery by the Book.

Today we are going to dive into a hot topic: intuitive drinking! Drinking intuitively can apply to alcohol, of course, but it's so much more than that. In this episode, we'll discuss alcohol, water, coffee, and more! Do you think it's possible to consume beverages intuitively? Let's talk it through! Exciting news! I'm re-opening my Food Freedom & Body Confidence Challenge. This is perfect for anyone who is ready to dive dive deeper into intuitive eating. It's also great if you're in a bit of a rut, or need some extra encouragement. This time, it's open at all times (no more waiting for a certain start date). I can't wait for you to get started! Intuitive Drinking: Water Human bodies need a lot of water in general. That's why water consumption should be a priority. However... Sometimes an emphasis on drinking lots of water is actually diet talk! Rather than use hydration as a tactic to decrease food consumption or control food intake, let's remember to think of it as a gift to our bodies. When I drink water before meals, I think of it as a helpful gauge for how much food my body will need to be satisfied. I don't use it as a tactic to trick myself into eating less! Instead, I intuitively drink an amount that feels good for me. What I eat pairs with that; it's an intuitive balancing act designed to make me feel really good. Hydration is all about self-love and self-care. If you notice that you're thinking of water as an appetite suppressant, check in with yourself. Look for signs that you might be letting a diet mindset creep in. Drinking water regularly helps me feel really good. Sometimes I have to do little hacks to help me stay hydrated, because I'll forget to drink enough. Keeping a full bottle on hand, adding fruit slices to your water, or trying bubbly water can help you enjoy your hydration! Intuitive Drinking: Soda My last diet ever was the Whole 30 diet. (This was a few months before I discovered intuitive eating.) I don't recommend doing this diet unless you're trying to pinpoint a food allergy (although if that's the case, I'd recommend working with a dietitian and a proper elimination diet). However, doing Whole 30 did give me one major realization: I had a serious Diet Coke habit! Soda wasn't part of the Whole 30 plan, so I gave it up for 30 days. Afterwards, when I went to enjoy a Diet Coke I realized I didn't really like them anymore. The strong sweeteners and chemical taste no longer appealed to me. (I didn't make any "rules" about not drinking them...just honestly didn't like them anymore.) I also realized I had been using Diet Coke as a habit. It seems I didn't actually enjoy them that much, and I was often using them as a way of passing up the treat I had actually been craving. You don't need to give up Diet Coke (or any other soda) just because I did! My own preference is to eat sweet things, rather than drink them. Bubbly waters and kombucha keep me super satisfied and happy on the beverage front. Every once in a while I find myself craving a Fanta (or some other soda), and I'll enjoy one when that happens. Nothing to stress over! One of my clients recently told me that she actually started drinking more sugary drinks and sodas the first few weeks of intuitive eating. For a long time she hadn't allowed herself to drink them, and without restrictions she decided to enjoy them! Eventually, however, she realized they were giving her stomach trouble. Once she realized that, she stopped drinking them. This time, it wasn't about following rules: it was about feeling good. Having the mindset that you can eat or drink anything is so freeing! If you drink something and ultimately decide you don't like how it makes you feel, you can choose not to drink it. And if you continue drinking soda because your body tells you that it can feel good while doing so, then enjoy them! Feel free to experiment. Play with quantities, and pay attention to your body. It will let you know what works for you! Drinking Intuitively: Alcohol First things first: why are you drinking? Is it coming from a good place? Is it coming from a place of need? There are all sorts of reasons we drink alcohol. Are you having a great time? Is alcohol increasing your enjoyment of a situation? Are you really stressed? Is alcohol a coping mechanism? Drinking a bit of alcohol to help you destress isn't really a problem. Just like with emotional eating; you won't ruin your life or your day by consuming something you enjoy. However, if you're drinking in excess, or drinking something that makes your body feel worse, you might think about making adjustments. Would journaling, taking a long bath, or going for a walk help you cope AND feel better? Or does relaxing with a glass of wine feel right for you? Personally, I've found that drinking when I'm in a bad mood doesn't work well for me. Alcohol, after all, is a depressant. When I'm down and I drink, it just makes me feel worse. (And that feeling tends to linger into the next day!) Checking in with my body let me know that it would be better for me to practice a different form of self care (like getting extra sleep or talking to a friend). Drinking alcohol when I'm tired has a similar effect. Rather than doing it anyway, I choose to find different ways to fulfill my needs and honor my body. I do like consuming alcohol when I'm feeling celebratory! A toast with my husband, or a fun night out with my friends are reasons I enjoy drinking. If I happen to be at an event that I'm not really enjoying, I choose not to drink to "fix it". Instead, I just go home! A few other things I've noticed about myself: Day drinking makes me super over-tired...and if I try to nap it off, I wake up feeling nauseous and awful. It doesn't work for me! Really sweet and sugary drinks give me a major day-after headache. Who needs that? Organic wines with lower sulfates are more enjoyable to me, and also give me less "day after" struggles. Drinking a lot of water before (and in-between) drinks makes me feel a lot better while drinking. Sometimes I just want to have fun! Total freedom, no limits. When I fill this way, I can choose not to worry about the after-effects. That method wouldn't feel good day-to-day....but occasionally it feels right! Drinking Intuitively: Coffee & Tea Originally, I didn't think intuitive eating would change my coffee & tea habits at all! Personally, I really don't like coffee flavors. (I can't even eat tiramisu, even though I love chocolate). I've had clients, however, who have had lots of coffee-related experiments. They tell me that everything from what you put in your coffee, how much of it you drink, and when you drink it can impact your body. Each of them end up settling on a different way of enjoying coffee, and they are doing it exactly right for themselves. There isn't a "wrong" answer, and I would encourage to experiment with what feels good for you. My coffee-free ways haven't changed. I have, however, had some changes in my tea-drinking life. I found that drinking caffeine every day was making me more tired in the long term. The initial rush was great...but the afternoon crash was NOT. Intuitive drinking helped me understand that the more tired I am, the less caffeinated beverages I should consume. In addition, being super stressed is not a good time for me to add caffeine into the mix. Personally, I know I can drink a few chai teas every week and still feel good. The rest of the time, I enjoy non-caffeinated teas that I can savor without that caffeine boost that makes me feel less than great. If you're like my grandma or husband, your body might have zero problems processing caffeine. At the end of the day, the important thing is that you check in with yourself and figure out what works for you! Drinking Intuitively: Juice & Smoothies Using these beverages for cleanses is so popular! Many of us connect them to weight loss and previous dieting attempts...which doesn't feel great. With smoothies, I've realized I don't like "drinking" my breakfast, so I make all my smoothies in a bowl now. My son and I have so much fun adding fun toppings, like fruits, nuts, and granola. (It's also tastes great to add spinach, cocoa nibs, and so much more. Have fun with it!) As far as juice goes... I used to own a juicer because I wanted to be able to do juice diets and lose weight fast. Whenever I did that, I had a headache the whole day and felt terrible. Here's the thing: our bodies naturally detox, and we don't need to do cleanses to help them out. If you love juice, go for it! Enjoy it, and pay attention to how different kinds of juices make you feel. And if not, no worries. You aren't missing out on anything that you "need". At the end of the day, only you are you! Pay attention to your body so you can give it what feels good. If you over-drink something and don't feel great? Don't stress! Sometimes we get the best feedback by overdoing it. Once you know, you can make adjustments that let you enjoy everything you want to enjoy. Intuitive drinking is just one more tool that you get to use to feel great in your body.

What turns you on, and what turns you off? How do you get past the messages about sex that have been handed to you by others - to discover your own personal sexuality that emerges from within? How do you own your deepest desires - and then communicate them to your partner in a way that stands the best chance of having them be realized? In today’s episode, we’re having a return visit from Dr. Alexandra Solomon, author of the new book Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want. Our conversation will help you take your intimacy to a whole new level, so that your relationships can be satisfying in and out of the bedroom. And, as always, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this episode and what revelations and questions it creates for you.  Join us in the Relationship Alive Community on Facebook to chat about it!  Also - check out our first episode with Alexandra Solomon about her first book, Loving Bravely (Episode 142). Sponsors: Find a quality therapist, online, to support you and work on the places where you’re stuck. For 10% off your first month, visit Betterhelp.com/ALIVE to fill out the quick questionnaire and get paired with a therapist who’s right for you. Resources:  Check out Alexandra Solomon's website Read Alexandra Solomon’s latest book: Taking Sexy Back Read Alexandra Solomon’s other book, Loving Bravely: 20 Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want FREE Relationship Communication Secrets Guide Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner's Needs) in Relationship (ALSO FREE) www.neilsattin.com/sexy Visit to download the transcript, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the transcript to this episode with Alexandra Solomon. Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out Transcript: Neil Sattin: Hello and welcome to another episode of Relationship Alive. This is your host, Neil Sattin. Let's talk some more about sex today, and I think it's really important, if for no other reason than the statistic that I'm pulling out of the book written by today's guest, that when you have a successful sex life with your partner, that accounts for say 15-20% of your overall happiness quotient. I'm sure I'm not using the exact term there, but when you have a dissatisfying sexual life with your partner, that can account for 50-75% of your dissatisfaction in your marriage, if I got that statistic right. Neil Sattin: So, just think about that for a minute. If you're unhappy in the way that you're connecting sexually with your partner, or with your partners, then that's going to cause potentially a lot of distress for you. And what's at the root often of our dissatisfaction is the very foundation that we have, the way that we see ourselves as sexual beings, the way we operate in the world, the scripts that have been handed us and that we're enacting either consciously or unconsciously, or that we're trying to live up to, that can so often be a source of, not only unhappiness, but the sense of disconnection from who you actually are as a sexual being in the world, and that brings with it a whole host of things like shame or even just questions, self-judgment, and ultimately, potentially dissatisfaction in terms of your relationships. Neil Sattin: So, let's tackle this head on and talk about how to reclaim and restructure who you are as a sexual being with today's esteemed guest. She's been with us on the show before, her name is Dr Alexandra Solomon, she's a professor at Northwestern and also a clinical psychologist who works with individuals and couples. Last time she was here, she was talking about her book, Loving Bravely, and if you wanna hear that episode, you can visit www.neilsattin.com/bravely and it is episode number 142, if you're just flipping through your podcast app. And she's here today to talk about her new book, which is called Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want. It's a book written primarily for women and, at the same time, it has so much valuable stuff in it in terms of no matter where you are on the gender spectrum to reframe how you think about your sexuality and how you reclaim it for yourself. Neil Sattin: As usual, we will have a transcript for today's episode. You can download it by visiting www.neilsattin.com/sexy. That one's not gonna be hard to remember. And as always, you can text the word passion to the number 33444 and follow the instructions. So let's dive right in, Alexandra Solomon. It's such a treat to have you back with us here on Relationship Alive. Alexandra Solomon: It's so nice to be with you, thank you. Neil Sattin: Yeah, let's talk... Let's just first unearth, there's something unusual about Taking Sexy Back, which is that you've taken the word sexy and you've made it a noun, and I'm wondering if you can explain what I'm even talking about and maybe explain your choice around that so that it will make sense as we move through this conversation. Alexandra Solomon: Yes, so one of the first central ideas in this book is that there is a world of difference between being sexy and being sexual, so women have been taught and trained to either be sexy or to be afraid of being sexy, of being too sexy, not sexy enough, and that for women that word is oftentimes a question. Do you find me sexy? It's a question posed in the gaze of another, and when that is the lens through which one experiences one's sexuality, then sex becomes a performance, a sort of earning of that sense that you find me worthy, adequate, good, and it's different than being sexual. Sexual is a cultivation from the inside of my own connection with the erotic that I generate within me and then share with a partner. And so, in this book, we are taking sexy back, we're taking back the idea of sexy, and it becomes, as you said, a noun. So this book really is couple's therapy between the reader and her sexy, her sexuality, her sexual self. And the questions are: How well do you know that aspect of you? Do even know that is an aspect of you? What is that aspect of you wanting, yearning, in what ways is it hurting, and what needs to be kind of unearthed and processed? So, throughout the book, it is about really understanding and listening from within to that part of self that I think women are typically told really isn't theirs or shouldn't be looked at; good girls don't look at that. So, it's a reframing, and as you're saying, it's a reclamation, a taking back. Neil Sattin: Right, and you talk about that being torn. And this is probably familiar for a lot of people who are listening, that you can be torn between wanting to really own your sexuality, but if you do that too much, then that also creates a shift potentially in how people see you, and so there's this burden of like how do you own your sexuality without it stigmatizing you? Alexandra Solomon: Exactly, right. That sort of razor-thin line between being perceived as prudish and being, God forbid, slutty. So this sort of razor-thin line that, again, keeps a woman from connecting with herself. It becomes this sort of question of how am I being perceived. And the moment that's the focus, it cuts us off from being able to experience pleasure, experience mindfulness, articulate a boundary that is really from a place of truth rather than fear, and so then the entire possibility of cultivating a sex life that is healing, rewarding, connecting, uplifting, life-affirming is impossible 'cause there's no foundation to start from. Neil Sattin: Right. Can you just talk for a minute about where this book was born from? And maybe the ways that you've seen women confront problems in terms of being disconnected from their sexuality? From their sexy? And what that process of reclamation looks like for them? Alexandra Solomon: This book was born from a number of places. It was born from, I think, the way in which in my training as a licensed clinical psychologist and a couples therapist, I think the models that I was taught, were that when you're sitting with a couple, help them talk more nicely to each other, help them argue less, and then the sex will follow. You don't have to directly talk about sex. And there's a way in which that paradigm reinforced, I think, a message that I carried within me for a long time, that sex is not a polite topic. It really shouldn't be talked about or looked at, and if you're curious about it, something is wrong with you. So I think there were ways in which that message from my field kind of reinforced what I had done to myself my whole life, of just feeling like I'm feeling simultaneously fascinated by this entire world and topic, and then feeling like that wasn't really polite [chuckle] to be interested in or fascinated about. And so my own evolution of wanting to integrate love and sex within the work I do with couples, within my own life, and then just the work that I've done at Northwestern with graduate students and undergraduate students and being smacked again and again with my awareness of how inadequate sex education in our country is. Alexandra Solomon: And how my students are sitting in front of me and I would give a lecture in my Marriage 101 course about sex, and basically invite them into this idea that sex is simultaneously a behavior, it's a thing that we do, instead of erotically-charged behaviors, and it's also this really powerful gateway into some of the most profound longings and questions that we have as humans. And just even that notion was radical to many of my students who had only ever talked about sex as something that is dangerous, dirty, forbidden, fearful, or titillating, and really central, but not this sort of whole-hearted aspect of self and aspect of relationship, and so all of that kind of created this. And I think, also, the fact that we are living through this massive upheaval around gender and power with the Me Too Movement. And so I think it was this coming together of all of this where this book basically wouldn't leave me alone. [chuckle] Like, I felt like I chose to write Loving Bravely, and I felt like this book was like, "Are you ready now? Can we go now? Can you just... " And it became easier to just sit down and create the table of contents than it was to just keep forestalling it. Neil Sattin: Right, right, but yeah... [overlapping conversation] Alexandra Solomon: It felt really urgent. It felt really urgent to me. Neil Sattin: Yeah. And I think that's so true. I'm so glad your book was birthed and is... And by the time you're listening to this interview, it will be out. It's coming out February 2nd, Groundhog's Day of 2020. So you'll be able to get it. And yeah, it is such an important conversation because those scripts that have been handed to us around sexuality and the ways that our lack of education has gotten in the way, perhaps, of really getting in touch with who we are sexually, and not having a culturally accepted way of just exploring together 'cause so much sexuality has to happen behind closed doors and often in secret. We pretend it's not happening, but it's obviously happening. And so inviting the conversation into the public space, and one thing that I really love about your book, Taking Sexy Back, is that you explore all of these different dimensions of connecting into who you are as a sexual being. And each of those is a great gateway into understanding yourself in a new way, and then stepping forward into sexual connection with others with that new knowledge. Alexandra Solomon: Yes, exactly, exactly. And it's not about, like there is... In the book we really are looking at, as you're saying, these scripts and these highly gendered scripts. And it's not about blaming or finger pointing or, God forbid, male bashing or any of that. It's not that at all. The ways in which we're given these gendered messages cut all of us off from living wholeheartedly and fully. I just couldn't tackle all of it in one book, but you could speak to this like as a boy and a man. Boys and men are given horrific messages around their own sexuality. And it's what drives me crazy about these dress code laws that schools are... Rules that schools will do. This idea that girls' shorts have to be this length and girls' tank tops straps have to be this width. Alexandra Solomon: And one of the things it does is it reinforces this idea, this message to boys, that your sexuality is so dangerous and so out of control that the world has to be protected from you or from the power of your sexual energy, versus teaching boys that they, sure, erotic energy courses through you but here's how you ground it and here's how you harness it, and here's how you boundary it, and here's how you treat it with respect. And if those were the tools that we gave to boys... I think that's just... I don't know. I haven't grown up in this lifetime in the masculine, so I didn't have those messages, but I don't know what that does. And that was the early messages that you were given, was this fear of being perceived as creepy or dangerous. I just think it's all problematic and it keeps people coming... Whether it's male bodies or female bodies or one of each coming together, it keeps those bodies from coming together in a way where each person can feel integrated and ready to step into that space of intimacy and closeness. Neil Sattin: Yeah, I mean that's why I think your book is a valuable resource for whoever on the... Wherever you are on the spectrum. I did find myself reading it and nodding for each chapter and being like, "Yeah, guys need this just as much." And that's been definitely a journey for me as an adult has been reclaiming my own desires, my end, and where those things emerge at different places on the spectrum as well. In what you were just describing, I was just thinking about, yeah, how men in many cases need to learn how to be in touch with their bodies and with receptivity in sex and really being attuned and because they're so conditioned to be pursuers and achievers throughout life, but definitely in the sexual realm as well. And for women, I think part of that reclaiming is also being willing to engage in seizing your desire and owning it and being willing to do that just like any guy would. And we're wrestling, of course, with what's culturally acceptable, back to the very first thing we were talking about. But how beautiful it can be when two people come together and each person owns who they are, what they want, what their fears are, what their desires are, what feels good, what doesn't feel good, and when they can do it in a way that doesn't judge the other. I mean, we all need that when we're in the bedroom. Alexandra Solomon: That's right, that's right, that's right. And it makes sense that we have gotten stuck because the information has gotten stuck. One of the things that was so interesting in the research for the book was to look at this book couldn't have been written 20 years ago because we've had a burgeoning of science around female sexuality. So we, for years, remain willfully ignorant about female sexual anatomy even. So medical anatomy textbooks would blur out the clitoris and it wasn't fully mapped, fully imaged until really, really recently, like 20 years ago recently. So it was the clitoris was thought of as this little button when, in fact, it's this larger structure that extends deep into the body and the potential for pleasure is incredible. In fact, that's the only job that the clitoris has is pleasure. And so, what might be different if a woman came into her sexuality knowing that and honoring it, and what if then sexual scripts were built to really honor that part of a woman's body in a way that the traditional heterosexual script, which we as a culture have really held up one particular sex act, we've held up penetrative sex as the most sex in sort of this hierarchy of sex acts. Alexandra Solomon: We learn it on the playground in elementary school, first base and second base and third base and home run. So this whole kind of script around how far you're trying to get and how far you're going with this goal being penetrative sex, which the research shows tends to not be the most orgasm producing part of the realm of sexual behaviors because it's not the most... It doesn't maximize clitoral stimulation potentially. For some women it does, for others it doesn't. But just this idea that if we only have one story line, what are we limiting for any of the bodies in the bedroom? As you're saying, men exploring receptivity and not having to be in charge and not having to perform and having their own... Being not so limited by the ideas of what they ought to be doing in the bedroom and... So just the opportunity to deconstruct all of that and challenge it and push back a little bit is really important and really healing. Alexandra Solomon: And that's what we found. I had this amazing team of graduate students and undergraduate students with me as we were researching and writing, and we moved through a lot of sadness, a lot of anger at the limits that have been put on people's experiences. And then to connect the loop back to what you said in the beginning, that it affects our relationships. If we can't cultivate erotic connection in our intimate relationships, they're going to suffer. Having a really fun sex life kind of buffers a couple against the storms and the annoyances and the irritations of partnership. Neil Sattin: Right, right. Just one thing that came up for me about that question of anatomy and how we've learned that. I did wanna mention for you listening, that way back, this is one of my earliest episodes, episode 23, we had Sheri Winston on the show, she wrote Women's Anatomy of Arousal. So that's another great doorway into this question of how does feminine sexuality work and also what is literally happening, like what parts are there to work with and to enjoy? So it's so important to increase your awareness of what's there and how it operates and to not be driven by old stories, like the love button, or what you see in porn, which is, again, occasionally informative, but it's not designed to be informative generally. So there are some genres of porn that are probably better for what we're talking about here. But that's probably not the majority of them at this moment. You'd have to seek it out, I would think. The feminist porn and... Alexandra Solomon: Exactly, exactly. Right. At the back of the book, there's a resource guide and we did include some feminist, ethical, carefully curated erotic places for erotic materials. 'Cause, right. You're right. You can't paint it with a broad brush. But it's a very different era of erotic materials. We're living in free streaming 24/7 porn. And a lot of it isn't, as you're saying, created with intentionality in mind and really honoring the science of women's bodies, the realities of women's bodies. And that can be another then force of restriction, that it looks like I should like this behavior and I don't like this behavior. How do I reconcile that? And often times the way we reconcile it is thinking something's wrong with us. Feeling ashamed. Neil Sattin: Right. You mentioned someone in your book that you were working with who really wanted to like hook-up culture. And she came to you with this mission of there's something going on. Like this culture surrounds me, and maybe would it be helpful if you explain what you mean by hook-up culture versus conscious, casual sex culture or all the different possibilities there. But you talk about how she was really unhappy and came to you wanting to figure out if there was a way to be happy in that world. So let's start there maybe. Alexandra Solomon: Sure. So hook-up culture is a term that we associate oftentimes with college campuses and the idea that oftentimes physical intimacy, sexual intimacy comes first and then emotional intimacy is retrofitted, so that people are finding each other sexually. Oftentimes, hook-ups are alcohol-fueled, not a ton of communication. And there's a sense, there's sort of an aura or a sense or a feeling that you should like it. You should like that and you kinda have to like it. And in fact, it's the only pathway into intimate relationship. And so the student was... In the first book, we work with a name, connect, chose, process. So she's trying so hard to use this change process to make herself go from hating hook-ups. In fact, she would hook up with a guy at a party and then go home and wash her lips or anywhere he had touched her. Alexandra Solomon: Just felt really dirty and awful. And so she was trying so hard to move, what she thought she needed to do is move through the discomfort, so she'd get good at this thing that in her mind, and I think in the minds of lots of young people, you should be good at, like you should be able to do this. The idea is that it is sexual liberation or it just is necessary, it's what you have to do. What I wanted her to do really was honor the wisdom of her body. Her body was communicating to her so clearly; feeling her lips were numb afterwards. The data could not be clearer that she was really overriding something powerful inside of her body. And in fact, the research around hook-up culture shows that young people are tolerating it, but not really reveling in it, not really deeply, deeply enjoying it. It just feels like it's a necessary pathway. Alexandra Solomon: But I do make a distinction between hooking up and then conscious, casual sex, 'cause there are times in a person's life where that really might be a beautiful, healing, necessary time. But what it has to be founded with... Create a foundation of an understanding of where are our boundaries, what are we both interested in, what are we each available for. So a really lovely, conscious, casual, sexual experience needs to have that kind of co-created understanding of what's the space that we're entering into. And so we spend a lot of time in the book helping people just feel entitled to understanding their own motivation and distinguishing that and the choice of fear versus love. "I choose to hook up 'cause I'm afraid there's nothing else for me," or "I'm afraid I am weird if I don't like hooking up," versus love, "Choosing something 'cause I really want it. It feels great to me. It's a space of learning and healing and play and escape." Neil Sattin: Right, right. I've enjoyed your framing of it in the book. At first it kinda jarred me. I was like, "Oh, no. You're taking a stand for love. Like sex has to be about love? What are you talking about, Alexandra?" [chuckle] Neil Sattin: But then, what you just explained, that if we're talking about the paradigm that we operate from and are we choosing things because we're afraid that if we say no to sex with this person in this moment, we're gonna suffer some consequence, versus being in a more love-centered place where you're focused on what brings you joy in the world and what enlivens you. Yeah, I would love for every single person to have those kinds of experiences be the foundation of how they connect with other people sexually. Alexandra Solomon: Right, right. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Alexandra Solomon: And sometimes we don't know until we know. So in the book, we also talk about FGOs, which I call these fucking growth opportunities, where it's just like, "Oh, that is not my best pathway". Sometimes we have to do it in a way that leaves us feel... That's just... And so I think around sexuality, around this unfolding story of who we are sexually, there has to be a ton of self-compassion. Just a lot of gentleness about, "Okay, so that didn't work for me. What do I wanna learn from that and what do I want to know going forward?" Neil Sattin: Right, right. Yeah, can we just give everyone in this moment the permission to make mistakes? And I'm making the little quotey things around "mistakes" because I think what you're pointing to is that most of these things aren't actual mistakes, they are opportunities that we have to learn about ourselves. And there is that aspect of sexuality where there are some things that you're only gonna learn relationally, you're only gonna learn it when you're with another person and experiencing something. It can't all happen... A lot can happen in the privacy of your room. But not all... Not all of it. Alexandra Solomon: That's right. That's right. Neil Sattin: So that being said, let's dive in a little bit to what can we do on our own? What are some of those gateways that we were talking about earlier? And physical, developmental, emotional, mental. So, I'm thinking of those pathways in so that everyone listening can have a sense of like, "Alright, how do I enter into this way of reclaiming who I am sexually?" What are some places to start? Alexandra Solomon: Right. I think, so the reason that I organized the book the way that I did, with these seven different realms, is that we have different... We all have different journeys, we all have different places where we get locked up, so our work is to find areas where we feel blocked, constrained, where shame lives, where inhibition lives, where fear lives. And it might be different for different people, like on my team. So, one of the seven realms is spirituality. For some people, their early religious training, they receive shame loaded messages that can really, really get in the way of feeling permission to just be who you are, as you are. And so, for one member of my team, the work on that chapter was very, very powerful for her. She identified a lot of ways in which she was felt hurt by her early religious training, how it created shame inside of her. And for another gal, who grew up in China without any religion, it really didn't speak to her. She could kind of resonate with this idea of sex as being a spiritual experience, and being something that is sort of transcendent and can tap us into those big feelings of whatever, one-ness, and... Neil Sattin: Yeah, union. Alexandra Solomon: Connection to... Yeah, but that was... For her, that was more about nature rather than anything we had to do with a spirituality or a religion. So, but another chapter for her was really where she identified that her shame loaded stories lived. And so, there are these seven different realms where we may find some work that we need to do to kind of identify a block and then heal it. So, that was why we organized the book the way the way that we do, 'cause we're just... There's so much diversity in how we show up sexually and what's challenging for us. And I think for a lot of us, the chapter about physical was important because what's clear is sometimes body image stuff can get in the way. We're in, we've got a great partner, we have a partner who is ready to connect with us and create experiences that are pleasurable, and we end up locked in our own heads because we are very, very, very self-critical about our bodies. And that makes sense because there are entire industries that I built on selling us the idea that we are not thin enough, fit enough, whatever enough, and those messages come with us into the bedroom, especially when we're naked and exposed and feeling vulnerable. And so, that can... Those scripts in our... The tapes that play in our head about our hips, or our stomach, whatever it is, sort of body image ones can be a source of inhibition and can really block a sense that we're entitled to feeling good in the bodies that we live in. Neil Sattin: So, let's just assume that almost everyone has something about their body that is like that for them. Where would we start? What kinds of questions would we ask? Or how would we get to the heart of the ways that we feel shame about our physical bodies and take some new steps around that? Alexandra Solomon: I think it can be helpful to develop that kind of a critical eye towards realizing that these messages about our bodies are designed to make us feel insecure so that we buy a product or do a thing that we sort of then, when we just mind mindlessly internalize that message, we are perpetuating that whole cycle. So, there's a way in which a sort of a feminist consciousness can inoculate us against those messages so that when the thought comes up in our heads, we can let it go and come back to something that is more self-compassionate. I think mindfulness... So, the researcher who wrote the forward to the book, Dr. Lori Brotto was based in Canada, and she was really troubled by this finding that almost half of women, especially partnered women, struggle with low sexual desire, and she created a mindfulness training program. She simply taught women mindfulness skills and then invited them to use those skills in the bedroom. So, sometimes it's as simple as noticing the thought come up. "How do my hips look right now?" for example. And then just knowing, "Oh, that's a thought. That's a thought." And sort of letting it pass over and then coming back to sensation. So, mindfulness can be a really powerful tool towards helping us notice a troubling thought, and then let it go and come back to, "I'm entitled to this. I'm entitled to feeling good. I'm allowed to feel good in this body that I live in". And that can be a helpful shift. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah and you're pointing to a degree of presence in the bedroom. I love how we keep talking about the bedroom, 'cause it could be the kitchen or the living room or a public park. Take precautions if there are cops around, be careful. But you have to be able to stay within you and to notice what's actually happening for you in a moment like that. So, maybe some of these things around body image are even easier, at least initially, privately, just in front of a mirror, which I think for some of us can also be challenging, to stand in front of a mirror naked and look at yourself and take in the whole picture. Alexandra Solomon: Right, right. Yeah. And just... There's a way in which I think it's really helpful to grieve, to grieve that I have been doing this around my body for so many years. Or to feel really... Let ourselves feel really sad that the only way... There's a beautiful poem in the book by Holly Holden that is just basically an invitation to just being really gentle with our body, really honoring it as this physical home, the source of delight, of sensation, of connection, and I think that's a practice. My gosh, I think that's a practice and I don't think we're ever done. I think those old stories about how we should look, and then whatever we think we've figured out, we get a little older and the body changes. It's like this constant journey towards self love isn't done, but I think we can get... We can start to get savvier about noticing that I'm doing that to myself again. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah, I have an interesting story about that. Something that happened with me recently, that's actually not about sex at all, but realizing a place where I had internalized some beliefs. I've spoken a bit on the show, off and on, about my own tendencies to be a little chaotic in terms of how I keep house. And I had this realization that every time I saw a pile of something, that I would have an internal message that would say, "There's something wrong with you." Just that pile means there's something wrong with you that you cannot keep your... And it might be a pile all of amazing books that I'm reading for the podcast, but the fact that it's there and these books aren't in my bookshelf or whatever it is. And what a difference it has made to me since realizing that, of seeing a pile and simply saying, "There's nothing wrong with you." Like, this pile doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. And in fact, and I think this is the turn towards self-compassion, it's like, in fact, there's nothing wrong with you. Look at all these amazing books that you have to read, just to use that example. Neil Sattin: So, being able to look in the mirror and look and see your hips, or whatever part of your body it is, and say, "Oh wow, I'm looking at this part of me and thinking there's something wrong with me." What is it like to just be like, "There's nothing wrong with you," and, "What is there to celebrate about this?" or "How can I embrace the part of me that's judging me, and offer that part some tenderness?" Like, oh, maybe there's even some grieving there. Not just in how we do it to ourselves, but this is who I am, and I'm not that person that I see on TV, or in the porn movie, or walking... My next door neighbor, whoever we're judging ourselves against. To be able to be like, "Okay, that's not me. And now, how do I turn to celebrate who I am and what I have to offer?" Alexandra Solomon: Yeah, yep, yep. And this illusion that I will feel more, I will feel more X, I will feel more desirable, I will feel more competent if I lose five more pounds, if I have five fewer piles. This idea, we end up putting this idea that I'm gonna feel okay once I do that thing that's out there, and it's a road to nowhere. Every time I have held up one of those ideas for myself, I'm gonna feel better once this thing happens, I get there and it doesn't happen. I just come up with a new thing. It's a hamster wheel. And so, that is really radical and revolutionary, to just find a sense of wholeness right now, with the pile, with the curvy hips, [chuckle] whatever the thing is. It's just, find that sense of I am worthy as I am right now, because that's the only place, to circle back to sex, that's the only place from which we can feel entitled to pleasure. I can only feel entitled to pleasure if I... Allowing myself to feel okay is what then opens me to say, "Okay, I can be with my partner, and let my partner help me feel really good." Or put myself out there to find a partner that I can do that with. I can only... That's... And it's not... I don't know, it's not... It's just a practice, it's coming back to... I find it helpful to say, "That's my trauma, not my truth." When that stuff comes up, that's my trauma, that's my trauma telling me that I'm awful at this, or this is not enough, or this is... And then coming back, it's trauma, it's not truth. Neil Sattin: Right, and those are glorious moments, really, when you see it happening. And so, when you've witnessed that for yourself, those are the golden opportunities. Maybe they're FGGOs, the fucking golden growth opportunities, like where it's happening right there and you get to see like, "Oh, I carry this with me." Or, "This is how I judge myself." Or, "This is how I choose partners who reinforce this negative belief system instead of partners who celebrate me." 'Cause how often does that happen, where we choose people who are unconsciously, probably, reinforcing the ways that we judge ourselves? Alexandra Solomon: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's maybe an important piece, too, I think for women who are partnered with men, I think that men have... Men didn't... Any individual man didn't create these wounds. Hopefully, I think. In abusive relationships, certainly that does happen, but I think a man can be such a powerful ally to a woman, and so, I think that there is a piece about around some of this body image stuff or just that kind of affirmation of, "I'm just... I don't view you that way. I don't want... When I'm making love to you, I'm not... Just so you know that you may be doing this to yourself, but I'm not doing that to you." And that can be lovely. It can't be the whole thing, 'cause shame is about my relationship to me, but having a partner who is affirmative or who just even acknowledges, "That doesn't even cross my mind. I don't think about your body in that way when we're together," can just be a little icing on the cake. It can't be the whole thing. A man can't, any partner can't out-love, can't love us out of our shame, but a partner can certainly be with us and say, "Okay, I hear that you're doing that to yourself, but I don't do that to you, I don't treat you that way. Alexandra Solomon: And there's something very powerful when it is in a heterosexual dyad, men who are willing to kind of bear witness to that. That's why I wrote a chapter at the end for an open letter to men whose partners have read this book, whether that's maybe male allies of or male partners, intimate partners, just about... It's hard, I think it's hard, as we kind of reset the balance around this painful historical patriarchal old stuff, as we try to heal that and reset the balance, there's a beautiful opportunity for men to step in as allies. They can't fix this, but they could certainly be allies. Neil Sattin: Yeah, that chapter I think is a beautiful invitation to how to be curious, how to... And how to show up as an ally, instead of doing things unwittingly that are detrimental when you're faced with vulnerability. And I also like that it's an invitation, that chapter, to the kind of thing that we've been naming, which is that everyone probably has a place where they can come to understand themselves a little bit better in this way as well and to question what's been handed to them. So interesting, so much of this really is shame reduction in some ways, like unearthing those places and going through the process of getting rid of it. I wanna name... I was reminded of this when you were talking about religious perspectives on sex, and one thing that you mentioned in your book is a study that someone did. Justin, I don't know how you pronounce his last name, Lehmiller, is that? Alexandra Solomon: Yes. Neil Sattin: Yeah. About the kinds of fantasies that people tend to have. And these are fantasies that people have no matter what their upbringing is though as I name them it will be obvious like why they might cause some conflicts for people, but I wanna name these so that you know that other people are thinking about this kind of thing, so you don't have to feel bad. Alexandra Solomon: 95%, sorry. 95% of people. So he found... The first thing he found is that 95% of people had sexual fantasies. So it is normal to have sexual fantasies. Okay, go. Neil Sattin: Okay. So the first one is multi-partner sex, like threesomes and orgies. The second is power, control and rough sex. The third is novelty, adventure, and variety, like things you've never tried, unique settings, having sex in public. The fourth is taboo and forbidden sex, like watching people have sex, licking someone's feet, having people watch you. The fifth is sharing partners and non-monogamous relationships. These are the top five. It took us all the way to number six to get passion and romance fantasy. So that's down toward the bottom of the list, and then we have erotic flexibility, like gender-bending and cross-dressing. And this is no matter who you are, that people are having fantasies like this. So I hope in hearing this list you realize like, "Oh my God, there's so much that we are not talking about," and why I think it's so important to have this space to talk about these things. Yeah, go ahead. Alexandra Solomon: And just to kind of... There's this both and of our erotic imaginations are potentially really wild, broad, deep, expansive and we may in our lives not inhabit all that breadth and width. So those are two... That's a both and. That we can be expansive and show up with one partner. So maybe our fantasies become things we translate into real life and maybe not. But just the ability to tolerate, "Wow, my sexuality is really big and wide and curious." That's a piece of healing, rather than shutting it down, 'cause the moment we start to shut things down and quarantine them off, that's when things get scary. That's when we're more at risk of acting out if we can't tolerate our own complexity, we are far more likely to act out. Neil Sattin: Right. So you're talking about creating a space where having those fantasies is okay. Like where and even if so... There's a difference, I think, in talking to your partner, let's say, and saying, "Oh I have this fantasy about someone else being in the bedroom with us." There's a difference between saying that and being like... And having your partner say like, "Oh really, tell me more about that, and what might that be like, and let's explore that." and to be received in a very non-judgmental way versus coming to your partner and saying, "I have this fantasy about having someone else with us in the bedroom, and his name is Raul, and I have his phone number, and I'm expecting him to come over tonight." So there, which in itself may not be a bad thing, but I'm just trying to point out here that there's a whole spectrum of what's possible in terms of how we accept each other, we accept ourselves then accept each other relationally, and create a space for those things to be alive because just naming something like that might fuel your completely monogamous sexual relationship with your long-term partner, where there's never gonna be a third person involved, but the fact that you've been accepted in that way, that your fantasy has been accepted, will be potentially so energizing for you rather than feeling like you have to keep things in the shadows. Alexandra Solomon: Beautiful. Yeah, I think that's a great example... Neil Sattin: Or that the fact that you have it is somehow gonna threaten the connection that you have, which is, I think, another piece of how you communicate about fantasies in ways that are non-threatening to each other. Alexandra Solomon: Well, even just the example that you gave, the Raul example, it confronts... Sometimes we talk about toxic monogamy. This idea that we have monogamy has certainly been put... Sexual monogamy has been put out there as the norm. And sort of again in a hierarchical way, as the best way to love and be loved. And sometimes it goes so far that it's like any attraction, any fantasy that doesn't involve your partner is a slight against your partner. Then there's a way in which that paradigm is so narrow it makes all this stuff feel so dangerous and so threatening versus just a bit of expansiveness as you're saying. Just saying, this energizes me. Okay, then who knows where it goes from there, but just naming it and having a partner who doesn't need to go into that toxic monogamy space of like, "Oh my God, if my partner has any erotic energy that isn't directed solely to me all of the time, it means we are doomed. It means I suck, it means we're broken, it means we are doomed." That's just way too much pressure. Neil Sattin: Oh my God, I wanna do a whole episode on toxic monogamy. But in lieu of doing that, what would you suggest for partners where that is happening, where they're unable to broach that topic without it igniting some sort of rupture in their connection. Alexandra Solomon: Right. In the book, I talk about some ways that couples can... And I think talking about sex can be really hard. And if you've been together, especially if you've been together for a long time and you haven't talked about it, it can be really hard to find a way in, and I think that's a lot of couples' struggle. So it's really, it's normal. And given our conversation today, it's understandable. How would we ever know how to talk about sex? We certainly aren't taught that in school and we're... Anyway, so it makes sense why a couple may struggle talk about sex, but there may be some scaffolding. So, I give a list of examples I have collected over the years. I met a couple who talks about sex by putting puppets on their hands and the puppets talk about sex, so they put a bit of space between themselves and this conversation by using puppets. Or something like a book or a sexy scene in a movie, can be maybe a starting point. I'm always happy to have people put this on me. I don't know, I'm reading this book or listening to this podcast, and they were talking about this. And that can be nice, sort of a neutral sort of third-party way in. And to just have it be framed as starting with, "I love us. I love us. I love what we're about. I love who we are. I love what we're going. I'm all in on this mission and I want... And I'm interested in this because I love us, because I'm excited to expand us." Alexandra Solomon: So, that really... So, foregrounding the positivity and the commitment and the excitement, I think is also really helpful. And then, just being able to name when we're on the receiving end, like, "Ooh, ouch, okay, I have this urge to get defensive. I have this urge to tell myself a story that you're really saying that you're not happy with me and that I'm not enough for you." And just sometimes just naming that can be like, "Okay, good, I hear you're doing that. Let's put that off to the side. Can we put that in the corner and just keep going, 'cause I'm not saying that?" And sometimes it has to happen in a therapist's office. Sometimes, and I think that's a really legit reason to go to therapy. When I have a couple that's coming in after years and years of erotic neglect, I often think to myself, "I wish they had felt able to come in sooner and unpack this sooner." 'Cause that's a really legitimate question. It's really legitimate to say that long-term sexual monogamy is challenging. Long-term... Just being sexual is challenging. Long-term sexual monogamy is challenging, and it makes sense that there can be dry spells and breakdowns and miscommunication, and sometimes having somebody else there for the conversation is helpful. Neil Sattin: Yeah, yeah. So, totally agree with you there. And then just to circle back on that. So, there's naming and owning the importance of the connection. So, if you're the person who wants to bring something to your partner, saying, "You're important to me, and I'm bringing this to you because we are important to me." And then, you also named for a partner who's feeling reactive, to be able to name that and to recognize, "Wow, I'm hearing this and I'm being reactive." And so, that will... Hopefully, the act of bringing attention to it, hopefully that can also be held non-judgementally too. Like, it's okay that you are... That this is edgy for you to hear about this. There's something in that, "It's okay." You're okay for having this fantasy. I'm okay for having this reaction. We're gonna be okay. We're gonna navigate this together with this assumption that we'll get through, we'll be okay. There may be work for the reactive partner in examining their own self-worth issues, and doing that dance between being able to hear something like that without it going to the core of who they are or whether they feel like they're being accepted or loved by their partner. So much there. Alexandra Solomon: There's so much there. And with the thinking about the example of if the question is around, this idea of bringing in a third person or somebody who watches, it may... An interesting place to go is to ask what is it about that that's so stimulating for you? What's so intriguing about that? So that's interesting, that's a more interesting question than when will it happen or who should it be. And maybe it happens and maybe it never happens, but to start way, way, way back at the beginning, about tell me more, like we said. Tell me more about how that stimulates you. What's so exciting about that? What is the kind of juice there within that narrative? Who do you get to be in that story? Who am I in that story? Understanding and being curious about the charge, the yearning, just that curiosity may be enough to kind of satisfy it and play with that energy, versus actually bringing in a third person. And who knows? We can separate the outcome from the process, and the process may be one that's very enlivening and engaging, separate and apart from whatever happens in real life with the actual fantasy. Neil Sattin: Right, right. The purpose of a fantasy isn't necessarily that it has to happen. Alexandra Solomon: Right, right. Neil Sattin: There's something that just crossed my mind that I'm hoping you can shed some light on, 'cause it jumped out at me when I was... And it was back in this part about fantasies. I love the puppets thing, by the way. There was something you named there, which was couples talking about themselves in the third person. That was one I hadn't heard before, but I really... She really enjoys it when you do this, and he feels really vulnerable in this moment, just as a way of getting that enough of that distance, but it also feels like it could be really fun and cool to be narrating what's happening as it's happening. Yeah, I don't know, I like that. Alexandra Solomon: Totally, absolutely. Right, right, right. Neil Sattin: So, the fantasy thing was... 'Cause we're talking about reclaiming your sexuality and that an important piece of that is reclaiming it so that it comes from the inside out, as you named at the very beginning, so that your sexuality isn't developing in relation to how other people see you and how other people think of you, and I lost the page, so I'm not gonna be able to read it exactly, but there was this category of fantasy that was about being seen and appreciated and... Right, oh, here it is. Object of desire's self-consiousness, and I'm interested in this, the dance between it actually is really compelling to be the object of someone's desire, which in a way is about how you're being seen and noticing that you're being seen, but without having your desirability be based on how people see you. Do you see where it's... [laughter] Alexandra Solomon: It's so complicated. Neil Sattin: Yeah. Alexandra Solomon: Yeah, so the object of desire is this idea that... And the research has found that this is something that is more compelling, more stimulating for women than for men, but the idea that somebody sees me as desirable spikes my desire. Being wanted spikes my desire. And it helps me... It is about helping me tap into me. I just did an IGTV video about this. So last weekend, I was heading home from the gym, and I texted my husband and I said, "Will you go shopping with me today?" And it was so clear to me what I was wanting. So, this book launch, I want a couple of new dresses, and I know how I want to feel at these upcoming events. And so, I certainly could have gone shopping myself, obviously, and I have. But the idea of him being in the dressing room, down the hall, I go try something on, I come down the hall and show him. And it's not even about him saying thumbs up or thumbs down or him saying, "You look beautiful." It's about him holding space while I feel beautiful. Alexandra Solomon: It's a subtle but important difference. What I was saying is, "Can you be the bass note? Can you hold a steady bass note while I do this thing that I do," where I play in different colors, different textures. And I find pathways into my own sense of my own experience of my beauty, my aliveness, but will you be with me while that happens. It's a really subtle difference. And it's an important pathway for me, and for a lot of women as the research shows, to connection to the erotic is this idea that, basically, you're watching me feel into my own erotic self, my own alive self. I think sometimes it could feel transactional. I'm asking for him to do something for me, but it's not transactional, it's just an invitation to connection. This is for me, what I know about me is this for me is powerfully connecting. Will you join me in that? Neil Sattin: Yeah, so there's something in there of really how you know yourself and you know that this is gonna be something that's going to really feel good, that will bring you pleasure and... Yeah, so knowing yourself in that way, being able to communicate it. What are you gonna say? I saw you. Alexandra Solomon: Well, just that it's been this way... Todd and I've been together forever, but I have memories of... I love to dance. Dance is a humongous part of me, and he hates it. So, there would be times at parties where literally I'd be like "Can you just stand on the dance floor?" I would use him like a prop. He would just stand there, and I would dance around him. I'm just "I just need you with me while I do this thing." It really is good for both of us. It's good for both of us because I get to feel the way that I know I want to feel to show up with you, to feel close to you. It's just fun. It's just such a part of our... And I think that's part of it, too, is that now in year whatever of our relationship, these kinds of things, him going shopping with me, also has that circular sense that it reminds me and reminds us of how we used to be and who we used to be. We used to shop together a lot when I was from a suburb in Detroit and he lived in Chicago, and I would come visit him, and we would go shopping on Michigan Avenue. I'd never been to Chicago, so it also had this element of reminiscing, which is also really good for couples, to tap into who they used to be. That's very connecting and intimacy provoking, inspiring. Neil Sattin: Well, Alexandra, one of the many things that I appreciate about you and your work is how well you bring together so many different writers and thinkers and put it all together in a way that's really practical. And just like Loving Bravely was a very practical book, Taking Sexy Back is another great example of how you pull all these things together, and it becomes a very useful manual for diving in. So, I hope that you listening that you've gotten a taste of that and just how much practical information is here along with ways of talking about sexuality that illuminate the challenges that we face. So much of that is seeing like, "Oh, right, this is a challenge. This is shame that I carry with me, this is a story that I carry with me, this is how my partner and I are missing each other." Having awareness of that. You do such a great job of illuminating that for the reader. Something I really appreciated. And in what you were just talking about, I was thinking about how we identify what we like and what we don't like. And you bring up Emily Nagoski's work around the dual... What's it again, the Dual? Alexandra Solomon: The Dual Control Model. Neil Sattin: Right. So, there are those things that excite us. Go ahead. Alexandra Solomon: Yeah, just that. That our sexual desire functions with an accelerator and a break. So as you were gonna say, things that excite us and things that shut us down. Neil Sattin: Yeah, so what you were just offering is, I think, a great example of that, or at least that's how it showed up for me, like, "Oh, right, this is Alexandra knowing this gets me going," and inviting Todd your husband into the dance with you. Alexandra Solomon: That's right. Versus playing yahtzee which is gonna just slam my break real hard. [laughter] Alexandra Solomon: Playing yahtzee, doing anything that's competitive with him really, really shuts me down. Now, for another person, that might be incredibly connecting and gets them going, to be competitive, to be... I just know for myself, no. Hard no. Neil Sattin: Yeah, so interesting. Alexandra Solomon: It's so idiosyncratic and that's why the whole thing about sexual self-awareness, really understanding ourselves, is so vital and so valuable. Neil Sattin: Well, Alexandra Solomon, thank you so much for being with us here today. Your book, Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want, is a valuable addition to anyone's self-growth or relationship growth library. And if you want a transcript of today's episode, there's so much that we've talked about, you can visit neilsattin.com/sexy or text the word PASSION to the number 33444. And also, if you wanna find out more about Alexandra and her work, you can visit dralexandrasolomon.com, where you can find out all about her, what she's doing, where she's speaking. Yeah. And it sounds like you're on Instagram as well. What's your Instagram handle? Alexandra Solomon: Dr.alexandra.solomon. Neil Sattin: Okay, great. I haven't really figured out how to play in that world, so I'm glad you are doing it. Alexandra Solomon: Oh, it is a world. [laughter] Alexandra Solomon: It's a world. Neil Sattin: Thank you so much for being here with me today, Alexandra. Alexandra Solomon: Thank you, Neil. Neil Sattin: Okay.

How tired are you?  How does that effect your self defense?  Do you look more like food to the wolves when you are tired? You don't have to.  My simple method when this is happening to me is to take a breath.  When I'm tired, before I go into a different space, I stop and take a deep breath.  This just gives me a second to get out of my head or phone and into the real world. Watch the Five Minute Friday (FMF) video here.

Hello and welcome to the Love Life Connection podcast, a podcast for successful women who feel like they have it all except love. I'm your host of Veronica Grant, a love and life coach and my only goal with this podcast is to inspire you to believe in yourself and that real love is possible for you even in our swipe right, swipe left world. Hello and welcome to day five of the 2020 Love Vision podcast challenge and congratulations you made it! After you listen to today's episode and do the mini assignment, you have completed this challenge and I hope you have a lot more clarity and guidance as to what your next steps are going to be in your love life. So today is day five and it's all about taking one action step towards love and I'm going to walk you through how to do that. So not to worry. And again, as always, if you haven't listened to you days one, two, three, and four and don't really know what I'm talking about, I highly recommend you start with day one and go from there because everything builds on the step before it. And I think it's just going to make the most sense and you'll get the most out of it. Okay, so today we're going to finally take an action step towards love. Now I like to go real slow when it comes to creating new habits and actions in your love life and honestly just your life in general. That's because I believe that's how habits and things shift sustainably over the long term. I think that if you were to wake up tomorrow morning and just decide you're just going to change everything about all the habits that you do in your life, you might do it for a week, two weeks, maybe a month if you're super lucky and motivated. But at some point you're just going to get sick or you're going to get busy or you're going to get tired or whatever it is, and you're going to say, "Screw it." And you're going to go right back to whatever it was you were doing before. So I like to just add in one, maybe two, habits at a time. Really stick with those for 40 days because that's what research says, how long it takes for a habit to stick. And then once that feels more normal and natural, add a habit or another action that you're going to take on top of that. I know that can feel like a really slow, daunting process, but I like to start with the biggest things that are going to make the biggest difference because a lot of times if we do one big habit differently, then I think that a lot of other smaller things can kind of just ride on the coattails. So for example, let's say you really just want to get 10,000 steps every day. You know that if you moved your body, a lot of things would change for you. You would feel better, you'd be getting more oxytocin and oxygen and all of the feel good stuff into your body more so then your emotions would feel better. You wouldn't be as likely to go down as many rabbit holes, or shit talk yourself, and you'd probably also sleep better, then you'd feel more rested. So you could see how just picking one habit, I'm not saying 10,000 steps has to be the thing, but one habit can actually invite a lot of other things that you might want to shift in your life. And it will happen almost organically just because it's simply riding on the coattails of the big goal that you want to shift. Now, here's how I like to think. When I'm thinking either for myself or with a client on what needs to shift in their life first. So I've talked about this on the show before. I talk about with all my clients. I think of everything in four categories. So what I mean by everything is the things that we can do to change our life, to change our love life, whatever part of life we want to change. And the four categories are the physical, the mental, the emotional, and the spiritual. So the physical are things that you say, the things that you do, the things that you don't do. So that can be things like exercising. It can be about eating in a different way. It could be about setting up a morning routine and having some quiet time before you go to work. It could be about deciding to date again. It could be about deciding to not date again. It could be about having a conversation with somebody or saying no or asking for something. All the things that you do in the physical world, that is a physical habit that can shift. Yes, the mental, emotional, spiritual, but we're really focusing on the physical changes in your life. The mental habits are going to be the habits that really focus on the thoughts going through your mind and thoughts are really important to look into because usually our thoughts just become the way we see and see the world and see ourselves. Our thoughts can often influence our emotions and our thoughts typically influence our habits too. And so the belief that your thoughts become your reality, that's not just like airy-fairy bullshit. It's actually really true. Your thoughts do become the things that you do and the things that you do ultimately will become your life. So things that can help shift the mental realm are things like affirmations. It can be self-talk, it can be journaling, depending on your style of journaling, like bullet journaling is definitely very, very mental. It can be things like EFT, or the emotional freedom technique, also known as tapping. It can also be rewriting the story that you tell yourself about you or about love or about relationships or the things that you have or it can't have in your life. The next realm is the emotional and the emotional realm is the emotions where we feel. And this really falls into the category... or I guess the things that fall into this category are things like inner child work. Healing deep core wounds. Feeling your feelings, not being a pity party or having a pity party, but actually feeling your feelings. So that can include meditation. Although meditation can also be included in the mental, just depending on how you approach it and how you look at it. It can also include visualizations, especially if you do the inner child visualizations that I do with my clients. It can also include release writing, which is just writing out how you feel. It's not even your journal, it could just be scribble-scrabble. It could be writing letters to exes or to parents, giving them back old emotional wounding that you don't want to carry around anymore. It can be cord cutting, which is a visualization that you can do to cut cords from past situations or people in your life. Any of that stuff is going to fall into the emotional world. The spiritual realm, that's really your relationship with yourself and your relationship with the universe or any kind of higher spiritual being that you might believe in. So it can be God, it can be a goddess, it can be lots of gods, lots of goddesses. It can be the divine. However you like to think of it. Spiritual realms, it's a little difficult to sometimes come up with tangible actions. But here's some ideas. I think that trust really falls into the spiritual realm. So trusting yourself, trusting the universe, trusting God. So that could include things like prayer every morning or every night. It can also include some mantras. Can be a little bit more spiritual in nature rather than just mental in nature. Just depending on what the mantra is. That can be very spiritual. I also think forgiveness in the way that I teach it, can be spiritual. So forgiveness in terms of having a conversation with someone and saying, “I forgive you for doing dah, dah, dah.” I'm going to say that's more on the physical realm, but forgiveness and the spiritual world is more about connecting with someone who has hurt you in the past. They may or may not be aware that they've hurt you in the past and it's just about giving that back to them. So that whatever beliefs you created about yourself or the world, men, love, women relationships, whatever it is, it's just back to them. You're not allowing whatever they did or said or didn't do or didn't say to affect how you feel about yourself. So that's more of a spiritual forgiveness and you're not actually having a conversation. You're really just connecting with them in your mind, through meditation, or through writing and journaling. So that would be an example of more of a spiritual form of forgiveness. Now, this list and the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual realms are definitely not exhaustive. But I do want you to come up with one action step that you can take based on what you discovered about yourself and your love life over the past four days. What is one thing that you can do physically that will help you to achieve your goals? What is one thing mentally, what does one thing emotionally, and what is one thing spiritually? Now, you don't necessarily have to apply all of these four action steps. All right now, again, that can be a lot. I definitely recommend to start with either the emotional or the physical because sometimes we need to initially begin with the emotional, that will begin to get us unblocked so that then we can more easily move into the physical and mental realms and sometimes the emotional just feels... we're so disconnected from it that it would just be impossible to connect with any of our old emotional wounding. In which case starting in the physical would probably be better because that might then help you to actually connect with the emotions because the emotions do live in the physical body. I recommend not starting with the mental first because that can often just sound a little pep talky. So if you decide for your mental thing that you want to start with some affirmations every day, affirmations are great, but when done alone, it can feel a little cheesy and honestly cause some cognitive dissonance because if you're saying, "I'm awesome," or "I love you," "I love myself," and you're just not there at all, then it can just feel a little forced, not really the best thing to start with. A couple of other things that I want you to keep in mind as you're developing your action steps you're going to take is I want you to think about trying to crowd out. So I want you to add an action rather than try to take an action away. It's actually a lot easier and the idea is to crowd out. So if you're doing all of these things, then you're going to have less time and energy and space to do the old things. And I also want you to be really specific on a specific action and not just an idea. So perhaps one of your action steps, maybe you originally said, I'm going to be nice to myself or I'm not going to talk shit to myself. And those are great things to do. I applaud that, I support that. Obviously I want everyone to be nice to themselves and to not talk shit to themselves. But the problem with that is it's just a little vague. It just, I don't know how you did it or you can't even really measure that you did it yourself. So instead maybe your action step is whenever I go down a rabbit hole of worry, I'm going to put one hand on my heart and one hand on my belly and take three deep breaths instead. Just to help you to relax and calm the mind or your emotions or whatever is running rampant. Or instead of talking shit to myself or whenever I find myself talking shit to myself, as soon as I realize it, I'm going to pull back and I'm going to say, "Veronica, you got this, you can do it. I believe in you and you were so loved." That's just an example. It can be whatever you want. Now I want you to get creative. Obviously everything I've listed here, it's not an exhaustive list. So I want you to do what feels really good and resonate for you. And of course, if you want some ideas, I encourage you to come over to Instagram. I'm at @veronicaegrant. Send me a message, or comment on my photos. I'd love to support you. And you can also send me an email over at veronicagrant.com/contact if you are not on Instagram. All right, that is a wrap for this podcast challenge. I really hope you loved it and you got a lot out of it and again, if you'd like a copy of the workbook that goes along with this podcast challenge, head over to veronicagrant.com/podcastchallenge. And if you've been thinking that I might help you get out of your dating patterns and truly transform your relationships as I've done in my own life and the lives of oh so many of my clients and help you craft a life that serves you, I'd love to work with you. My clients have left toxic relationships, started to actually enjoy dating and meeting people, met their partners, gotten married and even had some babies. You can also expect to grow in your career, spirituality, sense of self, and more because guess what? You are the common denominator in your own life. So if you're ready for massive transformation and are no longer available to stay stuck, I'd love to help you get out of this pattern. Head over to veronicagrant.com/coaching to learn more and take the next step, which is to schedule an introductory call with me. During our call together, we'll get to know each other and see if working together is the next right step for you. Again, that's veronicagrant.com/coaching. All right, that is it for this challenge. I will see you next week where I am bringing back a brand new podcast coaching episode. So until then... Thanks for listening to the love life connection podcast. You can find the show notes for this episode at veronicagrant.com/podcast and that's also the place you can sign up to be coached by me here on the show. And if you love this podcast, please leave a review over on Apple Podcasts. It helps more incredible women like you find this show and find real love. Until next time, remember. Wherever you are is exactly where you need to be. You're not broken and you don't need to be fixed. Just because you've never had the relationship you want before, it doesn't mean you can't have it now.   After you listen to this episode, here are your next steps: Don’t forget to download your workbook for this challenge.  Learn more about how your past can impact your love life and how to break old patterns in my virtual retreat, Shift Your Dating Patterns In A Weekend, March 7-8, 2020.  Ready to explore what working with me is like?  Learn more here. Interested in being coached on the Love Live Connection? Learn more here. Are we connected on Instagram? Come tell me WHO you are here! If you get value from the Love Life Connection, please rate & review it on Apple Podcasts. It only takes a sec to impact our ranking + it’ll help other women find our community! 

Why You're Missing Your BreakthroughI don't care about your religious or spiritual beliefs (but I respect and welcome them all).I want to know if you're the type of person who believes in signs? (No, I'm not referring to M. Night Shyamalan's highly underappreciated 2002 science fiction film Signs.)When I'm talking about signs, I'm talking about the signposts of life—your gut/intuition/heart attempting to serve as your internal compass.I used to think this was all a bunch of woo-woo malarky for people who've done a little bit too much LSD and think they interact with angels (yet I'm the same dude who's believed in ghosts and aliens my entire life.)Things have changed, and I shifted my perspective on the matter.Now I live for this shit, and the more I've tapped into my self-awareness, the more I'm able to notice these signs and open myself up for the opportunities flowing my way.There are signs and omens all around us, and it's our job to notice them. You could be ignoring the exact thing you didn't know you needed to elevate your side hustle to new heights you never could've imagined (if you haven't yet, please read the book The Alchemist, as it will shift your limiting beliefs as it did for me).The following are the 4 signs you could be ignoring that are holding you back from getting the breakthroughs you're wanting with your ambitious side hustle pursuits.For each sign, I'm doing two things:I'll tuck in a personal anecdotal experience for each one so you can see how these forces could be working in your life.I'll add a QUICK MOMENT OF REFLECTION action step so you can connect the dots and pinpoint where you could manifest a breakthrough.1. AdversityWhen life hands you lemons, are you the type of person to whine and bitch about it? Or...are you the type of person to make a Vodka Lemonade (with a double shot of Tito's, of course)?It's too easy to play the victim when adversity strikes and vent to the closest person to us (or a Facebook status) about how "this happened TO me."Taking this stance immediately positions you as a victim, and you place that negative energy on someone else.What if...instead of something happening TO you, it was really happening FOR you?For me, it's been in the form of toxic relationships ending badly, yet it led to me learning how to make myself happy, which then led me to my wonderful wife, Emily (aka my Baby Mama, aka My Boo Thang, aka Ems Slice for Life).How about when I was unexpectedly let go from my "safe job" late last year? Honestly, I played the victim for the first two hours as we just closed on a new home a week before and announced kiddo #2 was on the way.However, I was able to snap out of it and get to work. As I connect the dots, I was able to see that the Universe was really shoving me into taking a leap of faith before I was ready, which was pursuing full-time coaching and freelance in 2020...I hadn't been busting my ass with my side hustle for over 5.5 years for nothing, right?!So, ya, getting canned right before the holidays didn't happen TO me, that shit happened FOR me, and took his new challenge head-on and plan on sharing everything I learn along the way with you like always!QUICK MOMENT OF REFLECTIONWhat's a curveball life has recently thrown at you?What's the potential blessing in disguise or learning opportunity tucked away in it that can help you grow?2. FearThe Lizard Brain is the oldest part of your brain, and it was responsible for the aggression and fear triggers back in our Cave Man days when it was fight or flight to survive.Our brains continue to try and keep us safe by disguising potentially life-changing ideas and opportunities as risks and placing them behind a wall of fear.When we operate from fear, our minds only know how much we could lose by taking that risk. It can’t measure how much we can gain by breaking through the wall to get the gold on the other side.It’s a paradigm shift when you learn that fear is your intuition guiding you to unlock the next version of yourself—it’s an indicator of something you’re excited about.My biggest fears have always led to my biggest breakthroughs: sharing my work, blogging, public speaking, podcasting, and pursuing coaching in 2019.I've learned to use fear as my cue that whatever excites me yet scares me is something I need to be pursuing.It's because I've gotten uncomfortable and pursued my fears that I'm able to pursue this current gigantic fear of doing Perspective-Collective full-time...trust me when I say I wake up fucking terrified each day yet I'm more excited than I've ever been for anything when I find my groove in my studio.QUICK MOMENT OF REFLECTIONWhat's something that excites you yet the fear of failure, judgment, or even success is restraining you from taking the first step to pursuing it?How can you get out of your own way to unlock that next version of yourself you're supposed to become?3. Repeating Patterns & Good FortunesWe take for granted the minuscule good things that happen to us each day.We, probably too wrapped up in that adversity I talked about a little bit ago, brush them off and keep pushing on with our day.What if those little fortuitous events that happened were really cues for you to connect the dots and take action?What if people here and there tell you that they liked your little doodles on napkins and coasters you'd do in coffee shops and restaurants?This is a cue that you could have a future as an artist (this was me growing up, but I was convinced I wasn't a good artist, so I didn't share my work till my early 20's).What if people sporadically tell you that you have a good way with words or storytelling?This could be your cue that you could be an author, copywriter, podcaster, blogger, etc.What if people randomly told you how you have a really good eye for detail?This could be your cue that you were meant to thrive as a designer, photographer, motion graphic artist, videographer, etc.For me, it was little things like early validation on my Instagram drawings that gave me confidence as an artist.From there, it was little comments from people like:you'd be a great motivational speakeryou should start a podcastyou'd make a great coachI ignored these in the beginning, but now I can look back and see these signs have been trying to push me toward the direction I'm steering my ship today.You better believe I pay attention now to the repeating patterns that come up sporadically each day.QUICK MOMENT OF REFLECTIONWhat are some reoccurring events, patterns, comments, etc. that seem to circle back around in your life?Make a list of them and start to connect the dots. It could be leading you to the next step you're supposed to take with your creative side hustle.4. SynchronicityHere's where the woo-woo malarky begins to set off people's "bullshit radar detectors."Big Daddy Google states, "Synchronicity is the simultaneous occurrence of events that appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection."I was a skeptic who is now a huge believer, as I've seen how this has worked in my life, especially in 2019.I'm a believer that there is a much greater power out there pulling the strings, and I'm choosing to label this as The Universe. You can call it whatever you choose to believe in, no judgment here!I'm learning that the more I'm in alignment with the direction I'm supposed to be going, The Universe will continue to deliver me what seems to be insanely serendipitous and coincidental opportunities.When I chose to go all-in as the Side Hustle Coach in 2019, I had to make tough choices like stop freelancing, teaching workshops, and selling products in my online shop.It was extremely hard to do, as I didn't really know what I was doing in terms of launching a coaching program, along with copywriting and email marketing.However, I chose this path because it "felt right," and I fed off the repeating comments from peers that I'd be a great coach.As I stumbled early in my coaching pursuits, oddly enough, people and opportunities presented themselves and were exactly what I needed to be successful.Out of nowhere, I had a coach and a business consultant magically cross my path that was the perfect fit for what I was needing (I didn't even know what I needed, so it made it even extra crazy). Working with them completely transformed my business, and it's why I'm able to do this full-time today.While I was getting my program setup, I was missing the breadwinning part of my side-income, which was freelance. However, I trusted the process and randomly, opportunities showed up to become an affiliate for products and people I believed in that aligned with things I know would provide my audience absurd amounts of value.Throughout the process of gearing up to launch the first version of the program in September, it seemed someone or something always popped up out of nowhere that gave me the answer/solution I was seeking to step into this phase of my business.Things happen for a reason, and Synchronicity is REAL! When something unexplainable or fortuitous happens that doesn't quite make sense, just know there's a deeper meaning behind it that you should be using as a cue!NOTE: I'll also mention the fact that I would see the number 11:11 each day or 1:11, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44, and 5:55 often the last year. That's a whole other woo-woo story but when I started to look up the meaning behind 11:11 late July 2019, that woo-woo mindset quickly shifted as things all started to make sense and breakthroughs happened left and right.If you see 11:11 often or any of the other numbers I mentioned, I highly recommend looking it up as you'll really start to see where you're ignoring signs and blessings for real.You can think I'm crazy, but if you're tired of not seeing results and playing the victim in your life, what could it hurt to open your mind up to something that science can't fully explain?QUICK MOMENT OF REFLECTIONWhat series of fortunate coincidences have happened to cross your paths?Have people come out of nowhere to offer you their assistance? Has an opportunity shown up at your doorstep (which could be disguised as adversity)?These are things to pay attention to. Take a moment and connect the dots as whatever is pulling the strings out there could be showing you a path you're missing.Stop Missing Your Breakthroughs & Notice the SignsI'm one of those type of people who feels everything happens for a reason and you attract or repel things into your life whether you're intentionally doing it or not.You follow me for a reason.You're listening to this episode for a reason...especially if it's your first time ever listening to me.This episode is a sign that YOU attracted this into your lifeMaybe you're creatively stuck and lacking a purpose with the work you share or desire to start sharing with the world?Maybe you crave to build something meaningful outside your 9-5, but lack the time and motivation to make the necessary moves to see results?Maybe you're going through some shit right now, but realize it could be the push you need to take the step to become the best future version of yourself?Whatever it is, DON'T IGNORE THE SIGNS. The more you ignore these 4 types of signs, The Universe (or whatever you believe in) will take the hint and stop sending them your way as you subconsciously declare you're comfortable going in the same direction.I kick out this podcast for a reason: to help creatives like you get unstuck and blaze your own path.As cheesy as it sounds, it took me a while to fully notice the signs that this was the route I was supposed to be taking.Coaching and kicking out empowering art and content for side hustlers like you is the type of shit that lights me up. My new Spider-Sense is always tingling as I try to catch a whiff of the next omens or signs directing me to the next steps to serve you better and get the next breakthrough.It's up to you to do the same as your breakthroughs are waiting on you to make them happen. You gotta keep your head on a swivel and keep taking action and the answers will reveal themselves over time like they have for me.ShownotesJoin the Coaching Program A-List WaitlistDownload your FREE Side Hustler's War ChestGet your FREE audiobook download from AudibleJoin our Private Global Facebook Community of CreatorsListener of the Week: munchkinamanda_CanadaPodcast Editor: Aine BrennanShownotes Editor: Paige GarlandVideo Editor: Colton BacharPodcast music: Blookah—Want to Support the Show?Become a backer on PatreonLeave an Apple Podcast Rating and ReviewShare the show on social media or follow the Perspective Podcast InstagramSubscribe via your favorite podcast player:Apple PodcastsSpotifyGoogle Play MusicOvercast

Welcome back to our weekend Cabral HouseCall shows! This is where we answer our community's wellness, weight loss, and anti-aging questions to help people get back on track! Check out today's questions:  Nancy: Hello Dr. Cabral! I've been learning so much from your podcast and book, and have a question about vegetable oils. In my nutrition class at college, my teacher explained how polyunsaturated vegetable oils like canola oil have been processed and are often already oxidized to form damaging free radicals, or at the very least would form them when heated during cooking. We joke that perhaps a bottle of canola oil is like a bottle of free radicals. However, a lot of heart health research studies say that using "polyunsaturated vegetable oils like canola oil" reduce heart disease risk. When I learned about omega-3s, I understood that they are beneficial and anti-inflammatory, and perhaps canola originally had O3 in it, but by its chemical nature of many double bonds, doesn't that mean the processing and heating would create free radicals, so how can heart associations say it's healthy? They even sponsor canola oil on the bottle! Can you help clarify - shouldn't everyone avoid canola oil and similar vegetable oils? Thank you for sharing your incredible wisdom with the world! Wanda: Hello! I am about to start my first 7 day detox and I was wondering if it would be ok to include 1 scoop of the fruit/veg powder with each drink? I do NOT want to lose any weight during the week and thought it might be a good idea? Reem: Dear Dr. Cabral, I hope you are doing well. I’ve been having a hard time passing out stool and suffering from bloating for more than a year now. I stopped getting the urge of wanting to pass out stool and when I decide to go I strain a lot. It’s been a year since the stool came out as bulk...currently when I strain it comes out as small soft blobs. Because of straining, I got a minor stomach hernia and hemorrhoid. I did endocsocpy, colonoscopy, stool test and blood test and all turned out to be fine. When I told the doctor that I’m on a low carb diet he suspected that I’m not having enough fiber. So, they gave me some natural fiber to eat and it does improve passing out stool a little.I’m so tired of all this. I feel down and I noticed that I started to be less social.I wanted to know you opinion on my case and if there are any further tests that can be done for example food sensitivity or any other test. Katie: Hi Dr. Cabral! I have a question about asthma. I am 24 years old and have had "allergy induced asthma" for nearly 8 years. I have been working on my gut for about two years - done CBO & finisher, taken the food sensitivity test, stool test, OAT, am now taking GI balance for 2 months per my practitioner. I've also tested HTMA & am addressing those imbalances with supplements, and I just sent in my Thyroid, Adrenal Hormone this December. My allergy symptoms like sore throat, sneezing, etc, have gotten dramatically better, but the asthma persists on (as does a recurring eczema patch, and I know they are related). I do acupuncture, nasal drains, take all my supplements, eat a clean diet (no dairy, gluten, processed sugar), and do things daily to reduce stress. But I still feel stuck! I've been on Zyrtec & Cingulair for 8 years - I even tried going off my Zyrtec recently and while my allergies were fine, I had to go back on because of trouble breathing after a few weeks. It seems to start first in my nose, the best I can describe it is like I am sniffing to get more air in. Then eventually my throat starts to hurt and I am breathing in through my mouth, trying to get deep breathes in there. It's just uncomfortable, more than anything, and I can't seem to get to the underlying cause. My immediate question for you is: Where is the next place to look? What could be the cause given all that I've already done? Second, I'd love to see you do one or two episodes diving DEEP on asthma. Thanks as always! Katie James: Hey mentor, I have a question regarding breath. I feel like throughout the day I do not breath properly, I often times unconsciously hold my breath, and when i do breath, I do not breath into my diaphragm. For a long time I have had real issues to get a "full" breath and when I breath it feels as if my breath is getting stuck in my throat/top of chest, like I have some form of blocking there, making it hard to breath deeply. I have had this for a long time, and sometimes I have to make myself yawn to get a full breath, whether I'm breathing through my mouth or nose it seems the only way to get a full breath is to yawn. When I meditate i feel the same issue and I have the urge to yawn lots of times when i am breathing during mediation. I wonder if you had any idea on why it may be that I feel some sort of blocking there, or am a unable to get a full breath without yawning. Possibly some emotional trauma type blockage, maybe a physical tightening of the chest/throat due to some inflammation, I'm pretty puzzled.Any thoughts would be great, thank you... James! James: Hi Doc, my question is about these processed food products I see sold at the supermarket. Do they hold any real benefit, or are most of the vitamins and minerals lost in the processing process? I guess there must be many factors that play a role such as what company is making the products, what product it is etc. but for example, coconut water, dark chocolate, dried fruit - can these be good for me? When Im drinking a cartoned coconut water am I really getting the electrolytes which would be present in its natural form etc. Thank you doctor, James Thank you for tuning into today's Cabral HouseCall and be sure to check back tomorrow where we answer more of our community’s questions!  - - - Show Notes & Resources: http://StephenCabral.com/1464 - - - Get Your Question Answered: http://StephenCabral.com/askcabral   - - - Dr. Cabral's New Book, The Rain Barrel Effect https://amzn.to/2H0W7Ge - - - Join the Community & Get Your Questions Answered: http://CabralSupportGroup.com - - -   Dr. Cabral’s Most Popular Supplements: > “The Dr. Cabral Daily Protocol” (This is what Dr. Cabral does every day!) - - - > Dr. Cabral Detox  (The fastest way to get well, lose weight, and feel great!) - - - > Daily Nutritional Support Shake  (#1 “All-in-One recommendation in my practice) - - - > Daily Fruit & Vegetables Blend  (22 organic fruit & vegetables “greens powder”) - - - > CBD Oil  (Full-spectrum, 3rd part-tested & organically grown) - - - > Candida/Bacterial Overgrowth, Leaky Gut, Parasite & Speciality Supplement Packages - - - > See All Supplements: https://equilibriumnutrition.com/collections/supplements  - - -   Dr. Cabral’s Most Popular At-Home Lab Tests: > Hair Tissue Mineral Analysis (Test for mineral imbalances & heavy metal toxicity) - - - > Organic Acids Test (Test for 75 biomarkers including yeast & bacterial gut overgrowth, as well as vitamin levels) - - - > Thyroid + Adrenal + Hormone Test  (Discover your complete thyroid, adrenal, hormone, vitamin D & insulin levels) - - - > Adrenal + Hormone Test (Run your adrenal & hormone levels) - - - > Food Sensitivity Test (Find out your hidden food sensitivities) - - - > Omega-3 Test (Discover your levels of inflammation related to your omega-6 to omega-3 levels) - - - > Stool Test (Use this test to uncover any bacterial, h. 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Welcome to the very first episode of Experimental. Here's a confession: I didn't want to do another podcast I thought I was already done with podcasting. I've already done a number of podcasts for the last few years with varying success and they got boring. But then, a bunch of things started happening. I'll share the reasons why I'm starting another podcast, and unpack what are you going to expect from this show. Enjoy Snow notes [01:56] Mentors are telling me that I'm crazy by quitting podcasting When I'm paying people by giving me advice, then I'll take it Shoutout to Chris Lema by pushing me [03:15] I'm missing the podcasting format Podcasting is the perfect format for deeply exploring ideas It's the closest format to the radio, which I love and grew up with I miss being able to connect with my 'heroes' and build a relationship with people like Gary Vee, Michael Hyatt, Jeff Goins. [06:10] I heard all of you A lot of people in my e-mail list and Twitter followers are asking when the next episode is coming. Podcasting is the medium that you and I connected regularly Many of my best clients referenced the podcast in some other shape or form [08:10] This podcast will be about "Tiny Hinges, Big Doors" It's an amazing concept from Perry Marshall where a door is big but what moves the door are the little hinges. We're going to unpack the tiny hinges that we can focus on to swing big "doors" on your business You'll hear successful methods from guests that you can experiment on your own business Finding what works to help you take quantum leaps to your preferred future Finding what works to help you find the highest and best use of your time Resources Mentioned Chris Lema CaboPress Perry Marshall Subscribe To The Podcast Apple Podcasts Spotify Google Podcast Overcast Pocket Casts Stitcher

"Alright, let's do this one last time. My name is Peter Parker. I was bitten by a radioactive spider, and for 10 years, I've been the one and only– Spider-Man. I'm pretty sure you know the rest.""Alright, people, let’s do this one last time. My name is Peter B. Parker. I was bitten by a radioactive spider. And for the last 22 years– I thought I was the one and only Spider-Man. What a day. I'm pretty sure you know the rest."""Alright, people. Let’s start at the beginning one last time. My name is Gwen Stacy. I was bitten by a radioactive spider, And for the last 2 years, I've been the one and only Spider-Woman. You guys know the rest.""My name is Peter Parker. I was bitten by a radioactive spider. In my universe, it's 1933 and I’m a private eye. I like to drink egg creams and I like to fight Nazis. A lot. Sometimes, I let matches burn down to my fingertips just to feel something, anything.""Hi, guys! Konichiwa! Hajimemashite yoroshiku! My name is Peni Parker. I was bitten by a radioactive spider. I'm from New York in the year 3145. I have a psychic link with a spider who lives inside my father's robot, and we're best friends forever.""My name is Peter Porker. I was bitten by a radioactive pig. I'm a photographer for the Daily Beagle. When I'm not pooching around, I'm working like a dog trying to sniff out the latest story. I frolic, and I dance, and I do this with my pants....""Okay, let's do this one last time, yeah? For real this time. This is it. My name is Miles Morales. I was bitten by a radioactive spider, And for like 2 days, I've been the one and only Spider-Man. I think you know the rest. I finished my essay, saved a bunch of people, got hit by a drone, I did this with my dad, met my roommate finally, slapped a sticker where my dad's never gonna find it, and when I feel alone, like no one understands what I'm going through, I remember my friends who get it. I never thought I'd be able to do any of this stuff, but I can. Anyone can wear the mask. You could wear the mask. If you didn't know that before, I hope you do now. 'Cause I'm Spider-Man, and I'm not the only one. Not by a long shot."I would love to hear your thoughts on Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse! You can get in touch onTwitter @verbaldioramaInstagram @verbaldioramaFacebook @verbaldioramaYouTube @verbaldioramaLetterboxd @verbaldioramaor you can email me general hellos, feedback or suggestions:verbaldiorama [at] gmail [dot] comThank you to patrons Simon E, Sade, Jardiel, Claudia, Simon B, Laurel and Derek for supporting Verbal Diorama! To support the show on Patreon from just $2 a month, have a look over at https://www.patreon.com/verbaldiorama and choose your Keanu - you can now get the majority of episodes early too!You can rate or review the show in iTunes or at Apple Podcasts and I'd very much appreciate that!My website is at https://verbaldiorama.comThanks to the following for their contributions to this episode:Twitter peepsAndy @geeksaladradio@capunderstands@derekjones198@FilmBustersPaul@trivia_chic@TimeShiftersPod@bingeablespod@FWESpodcast@moviesandteapod@TCbyTC@Stuntgoat75@TroytlePowerInstagram pals@kolbytoldme@eatcrime@friends_and_flayers@contrarianprimeFacebook chumsLaurel Hostak JonesTheme Music: Verbal Diorama Theme SongMusic by Chloe Enticott - Compositions by Chloe FacebookLyrics by Chloe Enticott (and me!)Production by Ellis Powell-Bevan of Ewenique Studios. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Episode transcript:PAUL SANTIAGO: Thank you for being on the show. I really appreciate it, Renee.RENEE DALO: I'm so happy to be here. This is going to be great. PS: How long have we known each other? We've known each other--RD: For so long.PS: Yeah, but it's just from a distance all the time.RD: We're at the same networking events all the time.PS: Yeah, we just never get to chat, so this perfect for me.RD: Yeah, we never have a sit-down.PS: I've always wanted to talk to you, because you're always the most colorful person in the room.RD: Oh, you're so sweet.PS: And always catches my attention. RD: I love that, thank you.PS: So yeah, of course. And thank you for being here, really appreciate it. Before we start, I would love it if you tell the listeners and the viewers something about yourself that they would probably be surprised to know. RD: So I have been to every state in the contiguous US at least once, if not twice. Because when I was younger, I was a musical theater actor, and so I toured the country in a bunch of shows. So I've literally been everywhere except for Hawaii now. But I can't really tell you where anything is, because all I've ever seen is the inside of the tour van and the inside of the theater. So super well traveled, minimally.PS: Nice. But you've tried to hit the touristy spots of every--RD: Yeah. When we were in Memphis, we didn't have time to go to Graceland. I've driven by the sign that says "Grand Canyon" four times. This is just life on the road. You're always off to do another show and you're always off to do something else. So I always joke with my husband that eventually I'm going to make him get an RV and show me all the things I missed in my twenties. Even though I was right there, it's just we couldn't go.PS: We've always thought about renting an RV, but me and Stella, my wife, we're not really outdoorsy people.RD: Oh yeah, no, I'm not an RV person. I'm a Four Seasons person. I'm a room service, down comforter person for sure. Stella and I are the same, I think, in that, and you as well. But something about, I just feel like getting an RV and seeing the country is the way you do that particular thing.PS: Yeah, it's easier. And it's probably the most American thing you could ever do, going around the country, right?RD: Yeah, I agree, yeah.PS: And it always confuses me, because I always felt like the most American thing you could do is just hop on a plane and just fly and travel. But no, it's just getting into the nitty gritty, and do it like Walter White.RD: I don't think we're going to make any meth.PS: Okay, hopefully not.RD: That's next level, I'm not going to do that particular thing.PS: Okay, so I'm always curious about how people start out, and I really want to know what your origin story is. How you started, and what got you into this industry. And also, what you're up to right now.RD: Sure, so how did I go from being a musical theater actress to a wedding planner? So when you're an actor, especially in New York City, a lot of times you're working hospitality as a side job, and that was very true for me. I worked in a lot of fine dining restaurants in New York City. And then when I moved to LA, decided didn't really want to do musicals anymore, kind of didn't want to live out of a suitcase anymore. That life, really, it was great while it was, but then I was approaching 30 years old, and I thought, "I kind of want to lay down some roots somewhere." And I thought LA would be as good a place as any. So I got a job in hospitality. I opened a restaurant, which is one of the restaurants at The Grove, which is a big outdoor mall here. It was a big deal to open this place, they built it from scratch. And I was part of that opening crew. And in the time that I worked there, I went from hostess to waiter to bartender to banquet server, banquet captain, banquet manager. And so what ended up happening is that I was running the banquet rooms at this restaurant, they were six rooms, and I was one of the people that ran them. And I ended up doing a lot of weddings that way, because it wasn't a luxury venue by any stretch, but people would have weddings there, and they would always give them to me because, "Oh, Renee can do the weddings, she's good at that, she's good at the weddings." At the same time, that was in my season of life where all of my friends were getting married. So I planned a lot of weddings as a hobby right around that same time, because they were like, "Well, you're doing it at work, and you seem good at this. Can you help me?" So what ended up being-- I planned my best friend's wedding 12 years ago with $7000, like no money whatsoever, like nothing. What ended up happening is that people who were at that wedding, or people who knew my friend would say, "Oh." I would get random emails from people that were like, "Oh, can you help me plan my wedding? I was at this wedding," or, "I heard you do this." And so I created a business before I even realized what I was doing, because I was getting emails and referrals from people that I didn't know. I remember one time, I got an email from this girl who said, "Jeanette sent me to you." And I was like, "Who the hell's Jeanette? I don't know this person." So I realized that I liked it, and I was good at it, and people were coming to me for it, and so I probably should do it. And then it was a few years after that that I really started my business now, which is Moxie Bright Events. So it took me a few years to get really clear that it's a business that you could run and make a living. But I've been doing it for so long at that point, that it seemed silly that I wasn't doing it professionally. But that's what I did. After I got married, my own wedding planner, because I got married in Philadelphia, said to me, "I don't understand why you're not a wedding planner in Los Angeles." And I was like, "Well, there's so many." And she was like, "So who cares?" And it was that weird-- sometimes you just need that one person to say the one right thing to you. And it's so simple, but having Erin say to me, "Who cares? Just go do it. It doesn't matter if other people are doing it too." I was like, "Oh, you're right." So yeah, it sounds silly, but it kind of just happened.PS: Yeah, all you need is that one person to push you. And fortunately for us, it's someone close to us, so it's easier to be like, "Oh, okay, I'll give it a shot." Because they know you already.RD: Yeah. She said, "You needed me less than any client I've ever had. I don't know why you don't do this professionally." And I was like, "Oh, I don't know." But again, this brings me back to what we're talking about today, is I had a lot of limiting beliefs about myself and about this work, and I had to work through those in order to be able to do this at the level that I'm doing it now.PS: It's funny, because when you said your friend got married for $7000, which is pretty much nothing.RD: Nothing.PS: Stella and I got married, our budget was $6000.RD: I love that. Well, how long ago was it though?PS: I have to answer this correctly. It was 10 years ago.RD: Yeah, see? My friend was 12 years ago. So back then, you could make something of that a little bit, a little bit more than you can today.PS: Well, it was bare bones. We got married in a church, and our reception was at an Indian restaurant, an Indian buffet, which is $10 per person or something like that.RD: Oh yeah. This wedding that I did for $7000 was in a photography studio. The power went out, because I didn't know enough to check the power. So when we plugged in all the lights and the DJ plugged in, all the power went out. And the DJ came up to me during the ceremony and whispered in my ear, "Do you want to have lights, or do you want to have music?" And I was like, "What are you talking about?" And he's like, "We have a power outage." And I just started crying, because I was like, "I don't know." Now, I would check the power. But it was so bare bones, minimal, minimal everything. We had a craft services caterer do dinner, it was crafty. It's so funny.PS: Those things make you really, really stronger when it comes to accepting challenges as soon as you start out. How do you feel about that? When you start out your business, should you take more risks when you start up? Or should you take more risks when you're a little bit more confident?RD: I think we should always be taking risks. I think if you own a business, I believe that inherently, you are a risk taker. I just think entrepreneurs have to have that little bit of-- we have a little bit of crazy up in our brains where we think, "I'm going to try this." And I think that if you are someone who really loves safety, maybe owning a business is not for you, because there's not a lot of safety happening all the time. I think at the beginning, you've got to throw yourself into the fire. Honestly, at this point, I tell my clients or potential clients, there's nothing that rattles me. Your venue, God forbid, could burn down around us and I'm still not going to yell. Nothing gets to me, I've seen it. But the only reason I can say that is because I had a wedding where the power went out my very first wedding. So once you've lived through it and nothing bad happens, you figure it out, nothing can rattle you. But at the beginning, I think, just starting is a risk, right? So calculated risks, of course. Smart risks, hopefully. But you've got to take risks, there's no way around it, I think.PS: Yeah, because once you take risks, I guess your senses are sharper, you're more aware of what's happening around you. For us, when we started out, we had our first fist fight in a wedding on our third wedding, and it was the groom and his groomsman in the bathroom. RD: Of course it was.PS: Yeah. So after 10 years of doing this, after nine years of doing this, I'd be like, I know exactly what to do and how to handle a fist fight, or prevent someone from-- yeah.RD: Oh man. Courage is a muscle. Everyone thinks courage is some value that, oh, this person is courageous, they're brave. That's just a muscle. If you never exercise it, it's going to atrophy just like anything else. So jumping into that fist fight, or knowing enough to not jump into that fist fight, that's the things you learn on the job. There's no other way to learn this job, I think. PS: And I feel like for people who are starting out, well, at least for me, when I was starting out, I didn't really have anyone to ask, or have anyone to mentor me about these things, what to expect. So I feel like when you're starting out also, make sure that you approach the people who have been longer in the industry, just so they could give you tips. Because I feel like people want to see other people succeed, at least the good business owners, right?RD: Oh yeah. And I think too, the climate is so different now. When I was starting, yes, I did have support, I did have a mentor, I had some really good friends. But there wasn't all the podcasts and the blogs and the education, the online education. There's so many other ways to get knowledge nowadays. Yeah, find a mentor, and then really listen to them. Intern with someone and follow them around, soak it up, don't just take it for granted. Because sometimes the best business people aren't necessarily the best educators, but they still have a lot to share. But you just have to be the person that's super aware of them and what they're doing and how they are presenting themselves in the world.PS: I love that, I love that, because that's actually my main problem right now. I know a lot about business, but I guess I don't know how to say it or how to ask people online. If I'm in a Facebook group, I ask them about something, and they react differently, and then I reread it, I'm like, "Oh crap, I said it wrong," or something like that. Now my question is since we're already talking about this, and you've been saying that you tell your clients, "Nothing can faze me, the building would be burning down." So the way you say stuff, I feel like it's really important, right? So our topic for today is the power of language in your business. So why does the language really matter in our business? RD: I think it's two things. So one, obviously we're using language all day long. I used to call this the power of words in your business, because I think words gets it down to the base level, right? Because we're communicating all day long, we're communicating when we talk to each other, but especially via email, and especially on our websites, there's words everywhere, right? So we have to choose them carefully. And what I know about modern life, because I know, and I do it myself, is that I try to be super casual and approachable and friendly. But oftentimes, what that means, especially for women listening, it means that we sometimes use a lot of unintentional subconscious limiting language, right? And what I mean by that is if you're ever talking to someone, just about anything in life, and you say something that's kind of a bummer, or you say something not great, and they go, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry." And it's a weird phrase, right? That we use. We use "I'm sorry" a lot for things that we have no control over, nothing to do with, no jurisdiction over. We just say "oh, I'm sorry" as a way to express empathy, right? But it's a weird phrase, because you're taking responsibility for something that isn't yours. And it's just one of the many ways. If you ever answer a client email, how many times, just off the top of your head, have you answered a client email with, "Oh, so sorry, sorry for getting back to you so late."PS: We don't say sorry, we say "apology". We apologize. RD: Yeah, which is great. When I first started talking about this, I went through my Gmail, my business account is a Gmail for business account. In there, you can search your mail, and I searched the word "sorry" just to see what would come up. And it was hundreds of emails, hundreds of times I had said. And in most of the time, it was like, "Sorry for not getting back to you within an hour." I was apologizing for something that was ridiculous. "So sorry it took me a minute to research this." What? No, that's my job. So the language we use matters, because we are subconsciously giving our clients and other vendors and everyone we talk to, we're letting them see who we are through the words we use. And if we're starting with "sorry, I'm so sorry", it already puts you in a position subconsciously, their trust is eroding in you, right? They're thinking, "Oh, this person, they didn't get back to me? Oh, they think they were late getting back to me?" It's these little things, it's super micro, but it's the reason I always want to talk about it, because I think so many of these little tiny things that we do, when you add them up, end up really coloring how someone else looks at you, how they view you. And if we can make these tiny changes, then over time, it's going to have the most impact, because it'll start just becoming the way you talk. Like you said, we don't use "sorry", we say "apologies". That is a different thing, those two words mean very different things when you're taking them in as the person who they're being said to.PS: So it's so funny, because I use "I'm sorry" a lot when I email, right? And I know this person who's a grammar Nazi. Stella, my wife. RD: I'm a grammar Nazi, too. PS: So she's like, "Never say you're sorry. Always say apologize, apologies." My goal is, since English is our second language, I want people to know that we know how to speak proper English. No offense to the Californians, but California English, there's California English. Water is "waa-d'r" here. So there's a thing. And it took me three years to adapt to the California English, because I wanted to make sure that, at least in my head, it's a little bit more flawless, and eliminate my accent just so I could blend in a little bit more. But just heading towards the proper English, which is British English, I don't know, without the accent, just the correct pronunciation.RD: Right. I'm from New York City, so my actual accent is ridiculous, you would laugh. The accent I was born with is crazy. And I do the same thing, I work very hard on not sounding like I'm from any particular place.PS: So I think me too, my Filipino accent is wow, once you hear it, you're like, "Oh, wow." So that's the thing. I feel like heading towards the proper English would benefit your business as well, you as a person. Because now, more than ever, social media has evolved into this thing where people spend a little bit of their time with, now it's just everywhere. People, when they're not doing anything, once they're on their phone, you know they're on social media.RD: Oh, for sure.PS: And the way they talk reflects their personality now. RD: Have you ever gotten an email from a vendor or from a client where they're using text talk? Where it's like, "C-Y-A," and you're like, "C-Y-A? Cya. See ya. Okay, got it." Honestly, me, Renee, when I get language like that, I always think, oh, this person must not be very smart. That is just where I go to. And so consider, if you're listening, and you're someone who emails in text speak, maybe that's how you're being perceived, right? We all have these predispositions to how we think of someone when we hear them talk or when we read what they write. So I love that you said you're really trying to go with the correct English, because you want people to take you seriously. You want people to know that you're smart and you're capable, and so therefore that translates to you in proper English. For me, what I want to communicate with my emails and my language in general is that I'm capable and that I'm in charge, right? Because I'm a wedding planner. So for me, my emails can't be too soft, because otherwise I don't think I'm sending the right message. One of my clients left me a review last week. Can I cuss?PS: Sure, yeah.RD: She said in the review, "Renee is a badass." And I honestly walked around all proud all day that I was like, "I'm a badass." Because as a wedding planner, I am the captain of the ship, right? So my emails have to come from a place of authority. So if I'm sending emails that are like, "I just wanted you to read this timeline. I don't know, I think that they think that maybe we should do it this way, but I don't know, what do you think?" And just like, "Let me know when you get it," and then like, "Just no big deal, whenever you have a sec." If I sent emails in that tone, no one would ever respect me or take me seriously or listen to me. So my emails, my communication, has to be pretty clear and direct, and dare I say, almost masculine. And I don't use a lot of phrases like "I think". At least I try not to. I know I say that more when I'm speaking, I say, "Oh, I think da da da." But I hardly ever say "actually, I think", because that also makes it sound like I'm surprised by my own thoughts. "Oh, I had a thought, actually. Get ready, I had a thought, guys." I try not to say the phrase "does that make sense?" Because what I have found with "does that make sense" is, especially when it's a client email, right? So a client will email me 12 questions in a row, right? Which is pretty typical for me. And I'll answer every single question. And if at the end, I say "does that make sense", and I read this in a book and it stuck with me, so "does that make sense", it's saying two things. It's saying to the person you're communicating to, "Are you smart enough to understand what I've just said?" Which is insulting, right? Or, "Am I so crazy nuts that I can't communicate properly what I'm trying to get across to you?" So I have now really tried to get rid of "does that make sense". Instead, what I say is, "Look forward your thoughts on this." Or simply, "Thoughts?" Question mark. What are your thoughts on the things I just explained? Right? Because we have to be really clear on what we want people to take away from the interactions that they're having with us, right? I know that I in the past had tended to overexplain something, feel weird about it, and then say, "Oh, that was too much of an explanation, I know, but hopefully it made sense." Well, if you don't think you're making sense, rewrite the email. Just rewrite the email. We don't need all of the fancy rigmarole. But I do think with social media, like you said, I think we're moving toward a place with our language, just as a culture, where we're super getting super casual. PS: Super casual.RD: And I don't know that I hate it, I definitely don't hate it. But I also wonder, I don't know, on some people's Instagrams, like Jenna Kutcher for example. Do you follow Jenna?PS: Yes.RD: Jenna writes these really beautiful captions to her Instagram pictures. And they're frequently paragraphs, right? And they're like a little mini blog post, and she's always really expressive. And I think that is her authentic voice, I don't think someone else is writing that for her. I think that's how she feels, what she wants to communicate that day. But I also can sense that some other accounts who follow, and the reason I mention her is because she's a huge account. Some other accounts that I also follow who are smaller, who are looking to others maybe for guidance, are using that same sort of authentic speak as, quote, unquote, air quotes "authentic speak", and I wonder if it is authentic to them. Because I think we all have our own voice. I know when I write something that sounds like me, it gets better responses from people, people can hear it in my voice. I think if we're all moving toward this casual social media authentic-y speak, that it's all going to sound like the same voice.PS: So before we move forward, let me go back to when you said "does that make sense", that phrase. Is there a deeper impact when you email it, as opposed to saying it to someone's face? Or is it--? Okay.RD: Yeah, I think so. I think the words that we write have a lot more weight than we give it credit for. Because 99% of the time, my communication with my clients is email. And that's the way I run my business. So I'm not dying to jump on the phone with people. Which is funny, because I'm a podcaster, and you would think that I love talking. And I do, but something about getting my workday interrupted with a phone call is really off-putting to me, I just want to get my work done. So more often than not, I'm emailing. I feel like if you say it in person, if you say "does that make sense" in person, that you're possibly reacting off a visual cue, right? If someone's looking at you like I'm looking at you now, obviously it doesn't make sense. They're telling you with their face, "I am confused." So it's easy to say, "Does that make sense? What part should I go back over?" But if your emailing "does that make sense", you have no visual cue. What you're hoping is they've read the email and you haven't confused them, but you don't need to say it in that way. "Does that make sense" is a really triggering thing for me. When I read that a while ago, I was like, "Oh my God, I do that." The other one is the word "just". "I'm just a wedding planner." How many times have you heard someone say that, when you say, "What do you do?" "Oh, I'm just a DJ. I'm just a..."PS: Yeah.RD: It's so damaging.PS: It is. It's very like you're not really proud of what you're doing. Some people, when they say that, they actually mean it. So that's okay, right? Whenever he says, "I'm just a doctor." No?RD: Can you imagine? "I'm just a doctor?" Have you ever? I believe this is a systematic problem with the wedding industry, because I know for a fact within the world of events, weddings are sort of looked down upon as not as serious, not as lucrative, not as whatever. Which I think is a bunch of BS. but I know that in the wedding indistry, because I talk to so many other vendors, I think we all suffer from a little bit of impostor syndrome. And I think that's where that comes out, right? When you're talking to someone, and they say, "Oh, I'm just a blah blah blah," I'm always the idiot in the group who is like, "You are not just anything. You are amazing."PS: Oh, good for you.RD: I've been calling it out, right? To be like, "How dare you say that about yourself?" But I think when we feel self-conscious, when we feel not enough, when we have the impostor syndrome, it comes out in these little ways. PS: So here's my struggle going back to "does that make sense". Because the first time I heard that, I'm like, "Is this person mocking me? Do they think that I'm an idiot?"RD: Exactly.PS: And then I realize that everyone is using it, because I'm trying to mold my California English. And I've been using it for quite a while. And so I was actually talking to one of my guys, we were at a shoot, and I was trying to explain it to him, what we're going to do. Instead of me saying, "Does that make sense?" I asked him, "Okay, do you understand what I said?" Is there a difference? Because with "do you understand what I said", I actually wanted to make sure that he understands, because we're parting ways, and he's going to reception, I'm going to the-- is there a difference?RD: I would probably, in the future, say, "Do you have any questions for me?" Because it's more open-ended and it gives them more agency to participate, right? Because "does that make sense" is yes or no. "Do you understand what I said" is yes or no.PS: And then he never understood.RD: He didn't. See? "Do you have any questions?"PS: Okay.RD: And oftentimes, especially when I'm dealing with my assistants and stuff, if it is something that is different, unusual, anything out of the normal, I will say, "Repeat it back to me." Because I'd rather have them take ownership of it, even if it's wrong, right? Even if what they're repeating back to me isn't right. And then I can go, "No, that part's not right," and sort of help them and educate them in that moment. Because I think we can be asking better questions, I know we can all be asking better questions of people. But I think "does that make sense" needs to be fully retired, just get it right out of there.PS: Yeah, there's a lot of words, phrases that shouldn't be used, coming from me observing.RD: What else do you think? What else shouldn't be used?PS: Man, right off the top of my head. I'll think of something. But there's a bunch of words that irritate me when someone says it, then I'm like, "You're not using it right." Because we came here 2008, so I was 28 years old when we came here.RD: Oh, I did not know that.PS: Yeah, so that's why I spent three years talking to people on Yelp, the telemarketers, I would just talk to them on the phone. Stella said, "What are you doing?" I'm like, "I'm trying to practice my English."RD: Oh, I love that.PS: So I was just trying to convince them that I'm from here. So, okay.RD: That makes me so happy, I love that. PS: So now here's another struggle of mine. My authentic language, the way I talk to people, is different from my business language. Because we came from Filipino to English to California English, and now California English, we kind of need to dial it down a little bit more, because we're trying to cater to, I guess the higher end market, who doesn't talk like that. So my question is what's the difference between using authentic language, as opposed to speaking or writing off the cuff?RD: I love this. So oftentimes on social media, I will see fellow wedding vendors who I know wrote a caption off the top of their head. And the reason I always know it is because they frequently assume that the reader understands where they're coming from, understands the wavelength that they're already on. So sometimes the off-the-cuff ones sort of tend to start in the middle of a thought, or I'll read it and go, what are they talking about? I remember, this is a a while ago, someone posted a photo, it was a candid photo of a fire pit, right? But the caption said, "This place would be great for a rehearsal dinner." But it was a fire pit. And I stared at it for a few minutes and I was like, what is happening? It was geotagged with a location, so in theory the person posting wanted to communicate that this location would be great for a rehearsal dinner because of this cozy fire pit. But what we needed as the reader was the whole thought. We needed you to start us at A and end at Z. "One of the things my clients always ask me for is a cozy spot for their rehearsal dinner where people can really gather around and talk. And this restaurant, with this cozy fire pit, has that for you," right? So that's the way, you have to sort of connect all the dots for people. When we write something off the cuff, especially Instagram captions, I think sometimes people think, "Oh, when I see this image, it makes me think of the following thing that I'm going to put in this off-the-cuff caption." And then you read it and you're like, "I have no idea what they're talking about." Because we're not in your brain. You have to draw the full picture for people, you have to connect all of it together. But you still have to do it in your authentic voice in a way that doesn't seem so business-y. Because I'm sure you follow those more business-minded accounts that are like very stilted language and everything sounds like business, and you're like, "Well, that's no fun," right? So on social media, what the people want to see is the person behind the brand, so they want to hear from you and Stella. They don't want the voice of "Boffo Video does good video." So it's a really specific new skill set that we all have to have because it's part of our businesses now.PS: I've tried so hard to stop saying "I can't". Those things, it's so hard, because you see it on social media. And I have to be honest, if I were to just speak my authentic language, I probably wouldn't even post anything, because I'm too lazy. But I have to. So whenever I'm on social media, the first five posts I scroll through, I absorb the way they speak, and that's what I just type.RD: One of the things I think we can all be doing for our businesses is really drill down how your business sounds, right? How your business, what your business cares about. So for Moxie Bright, which is my wedding planning business, we really care about hospitality, we really care about taking care of guests, we really care about those moments at a wedding that you can't even predict that are going to happen, that are going to be awesome. So a lot of times when I post something on my Instagram, I'm calling out those moments, right? I'm calling out that moment of amazing service or I'm calling out this moment of friendship between the bride and her bridal tribe. I am specifically angling because it's coming from my head, my viewpoint, what's important to me, right? So I'm always putting it through that lens. I feel like if someone else were to look at the same images on my Instagram, they'd probably come up with a million different captions, because of what's happening in their brain, what's important to them, and what goes through their lens. When I'm doing posts for my education brand, for my online courses and stuff, that's a completely different language, because I'm talking to different people, I'm talking to other wedding planners, I'm talking to them about making more money, about being better at their jobs. It's a completely different audience, and it has to be a completely different language. Now for me, right now those are on the same account, right? So you can literally look through my Instagram and think, "Oh, here she's talking to clients, here she's talking to other wedding pros." But for instance, I call my students rockstars. So if you're a student in one of my classes, I'm going to address you as, "Hey, rockstar," no matter what. I don't know how it started, it felt right and I went with it, and now it's a thing. And I think to that, you have to honor that too, what feels right? I'm definitely not someone who's hashtag blessed, right? You're not going to see that on my account, it's just not my thing. You're more likely to see an F-bomb on my account with a (makes explosion sound) emoji.PS: Yeah, that's the thing. I guess it's just so hard to come up with an original idea, I mean an original text, in such a short span of time. Because I feel like people who post on social media, at least the ones who are really good at it, schedule everything.RD: Oh yeah.PS: And I suck at it, because you know what I'm really good at scheduling? Podcasts. Everything else, I suck at.RD: See? There you go. Scheduling is much easier, because then you're not having to come up with a caption on the fly. I use Planoly, and I schedule at least two weeks out if I can. I took a social media break this year, I didn't post at all for the month of June. I just wasn't feeling it. And I was like, "I'm not going to force myself. The world's not going to end if I don't put up a square every day." And I didn't do it. And then I got back to it when it was time. And then I was able to be like, "Okay, let's write some fresh captions." For me, I don't stress so much about the caption. It could be because my background, I have a background as a writer as well. But I look at the picture and I go, "What is this? Oh, okay." Sometimes it's so simple. I think my post today was a wedding bouquet from two years ago, and I think I wrote, "Never tired of this gorgeous bouquet from Shindig Chic." That's it, because it doesn't always have to change the world. Sometimes it's just appreciation for this beautiful thing. And that's okay, too. You don't have to write the mini blog posts that Jenna Kutcher is writing. By the way, Jenna Kutcher is writing those from a sales language perspective. She's writing those to convert. She's selling things. Even if you don't think she's selling anything on that post, girl's still selling something, because she's got an entire empire full of things to sell. So if what you're doing as a service provider is wanting to get people to contact you, right? Wanting someone to like you enough to reach out. Then all you really have to worry about is talking to the right people, being your true self, and hopefully the right people will be attracted to you. Because you're not trying to sell a course or preset filter. She's got a ton of products.PS: Oh yeah. And she's really good at posting something and asking, "How's your day going?" And I'm like, "Oh my gosh, she's talking to me."RD: And at the end, you're like, "I think I need her podcast course." And you don't know what happened. You don't know how it happened. She's very persuasive.PS: She's really good at that.RD: That's a whole other language. We don't need that. If that's not your goal, that's not what you need. You just need to be putting things out there that are authentically you. I post a lot of photos of food on my Moxie Bright account, because I love food, my clients love food. And I've had people say to me, "You post a lot of food." I'm like, "Uh huh, okay, thanks for noticing." What, am I not supposed to post the things I like? I'm going to post what I like.PS: Yeah, it speaks to your followers, it speaks to your tribe.RD: Yeah, but I also like it. If my followers decided suddenly they liked, I don't know, what's something I don't like? Country music. I don't really love country music. But if they were super into it, I still wouldn't be posting it. Because I'm just like, "Not my thing," right? I can't talk about something I don't know anything about. I feel bad now that I said I don't like country music. I like some country music, you guys.PS: To be honest, when I started editing wedding videos here, and some of the clients, it was like, "Oh, we want Brad Paisley." Before the whole copyright thing, I fell in love with country music.RD: Did you?PS: Yes, but I'm not deep into it. I'm kind of like you. I appreciate country music.RD: I like all the girl singers. So if there's a girl singer, like Martina McBride, I'm into her, love her. Faith Hill, love her. Any girl who can sing, I'm in. But no, the guys, I don't know anything about.PS: Okay. I'm the reverse. Well, you know what? I know Shania Twain. Because I'm Filipino, so we sing a lot. So now my question for you now is, since we were talking about "I can't" or "slay, girl" or whatever. Because for me, on Instagram, it's me who's talking. Stella, she sucks at social media, she doesn't want to do that, because she hates being on social media, so I do all of the captions and stuff. So when there's, "Oh, wow" or something like that that's weird, it's never going to be her, it's just always me.RD: I love it.PS: My question is how can we stop using limiting language in our business and life? How do I get to stop?RD: Well, I think first, you have to have the awareness that you're even doing it. So a lot of times after I talk about this topic, I've presented this at conferences and stuff, I'll get emails months later from someone who's like, "I was at your talk, and I went through my email, and oh my God, I've been saying 'sorry' and 'just', and I've been doing it all." And I'm like, "Yeah girl, you got to figure it out." You have to first understand that it's happening, right? There are some, especially when you're writing, there are some tools. So if you use Google Chrome, which you should all be using, because I love it, there is a plugin. The name of the plugin is called Just Not Sorry, which is great. And it literally will underline for you in your emails if you're using any word that is a limiting language word. But the other thing that's fun too is that sometimes you actually are apologizing for something, and sometimes you're like, "Oh, so sorry, this email got missed" or whatever, it'll still underline it. It doesn't necessarily understand the context. But it will tell you, "Hey, are you sure you want to use the word 'just' here?" "Just" is a big one. "Just" is the one that people go, "I don't use that," and then weeks later they say, "Oh my God, yes I do, it's everywhere." Of course it's everywhere. Because it's our culture, right? It's in our vernacular to use these words that make us sound soft and approachable and agreeable and easygoing like everyone wants to be, especially in California, super chill all the time. And I get it, but that doesn't necessarily mean it has a place in your business. Because you have to understand, you have to determine and figure out for yourself how you want to be perceived, right? Because a lot of times, I'll talk to, especially groups of women, and I hate to keep saying that, but as a woman, it's a big deal for me. And they'll say, "Well, I don't really have control over how I'm perceived." Absolutely false. You 100% have control over how you're perceived. You can script that for yourself. You can make that happen for yourself. But first you have to have the awareness of it. So one, awareness. Two, tools like Google Chrome plugin. Three, start noticing it in other people, too. And it might make you less liked for a minute to be like, "You just said," call out your friend, be like, "I thought we weren't doing that anymore." Because it's pervasive, it's everywhere, and so it isn't just a quick fix, it is an ongoing thing. The other thing that I did for my assistant and for anyone who's in my inbox is I have a little, small document of "these are words we don't use". This is language Moxie Bright does not use, right? And even in my interactions with my clients on their wedding day, in my employee handbook, there is a list of things we don't say. So if someone were to come up to one of my assistants, a guest on the day of the wedding, and ask them a question, and if they don't know the answer, they're not allowed to say, "I don't know." What they're supposed to say is, "Let me find out." And that's the biggest example I can always give. It's taking that negative "I don't know" and turning it into something open and curious and positive, which was, "Let me find out. I'll go find out for you," right? So that person is then taking ownership of whatever the situation is. They are coming to someone else who might know more, finding out the answer. Saying "I don't know" is closing a door. That's like what you said, we don't want to say "I can't", right? I can't. Well, maybe you can't right now because you don't have the right information, right? So what do you say instead of "I can't"? Are you retraining yourself to think a new thing?PS: Well, the "I can't" that I'm talking about is the RuPaul Drag Race "I can't".RD: Oh.PS: Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. But if we're talking about the "I can't" that you're talking about, I usually say, "I'll see what I can do."RD: Yeah, I'll see what I can do, exactly. Perfect, it's perfect.PS: "I can't." RD: I need to watch RuPaul's, I haven't watched RuPaul's Drag Race yet. But it's come up a lot lately, and so I feel like the universe is telling me to watch it.PS: Oh, they have a really, really extensive vocabulary of all the really fun phrases that people use.RD: Someone referenced a death drop to me the other day, and I was like, "I don't know what a death drop is." And then I Googled it, it was like, "Oh, that looks painful."PS: Yeah. I've seen comments that say "typing from heaven because I'm dead right now" or something like that, because the thing is so beautiful. So now I really want to ask you about this, because that kind of language attracts a certain kind of tribe, a certain kind of group, right?RD: Totally.PS: If I want to charge more and target the more luxurious market, should I continue saying that? If I were someone who does that.RD: I think if it's authentic, you should.PS: Okay.RD: I think in our industry, we have a really effed up thing about luxury, I believe. Every luxury client I've ever had has not come to me from social media. They have come from 100% personal referral from someone who's a friend of theirs. There's a little tight-knit Beverly Hills group that I work with all the time. Some clients, I've done all of their events, and then they refer me to their best friends, and that's how it works. Those people never read my reviews. They don't care. They want a personal referral, and they want you to show up and be professional. I think this marketing to luxury market doesn't really work. I hate to burst everyone's bubble, but I think be your authentic self. Listen, if you are-- let's just say I start watching RuPaul's Drag Race, and I feel compelled to post about it, I'm probably going to use that language because it's fun, right? It doesn't mean that that's who I am as a human every day of the year, and I have to say "slay" on all my posts, right? But I think it's fun to let people in to see who you are a little more. I'm a huge fan of the Canadian sitcom Schitt's Creek, which everyone, have to watch it immediately if you have not watched it. So lately, all of my Insta stories have had GIFs of the character David Rose making faces, and I've never explained it, I've never said, "I'm a huge fan, and so this speaks to me now." I'm just doing it. And I've got people message me on Instagram, "Oh my God, you watch that show, too?" I'm like, "Yeah, of course I do." But it's a way to let people in authentically without having to have a big deal about it. I'm sure the moment will pass in a few months, I'll be moved on to some other show, it's fine. But it's like you have to be able to play. And if you want to use "slay" one day, then you slay. But as far as a luxury market, I don't think they're looking for anything specific. I think they're looking for people who are really good at their job, who their friends have already worked with.PS: Okay. I was thinking about that.RD: I don't know how to tell you to break in. Everyone's like, "How did you get that first Beverly Hills client?" I'm like, "Through her yoga teacher." Through her private fancy yoga teacher. So you just don't know.PS: So let me know what you think, too. Because I feel like as long as you're authentic, social media caters to, especially if you want to target higher paying clients, right? Social media caters to the people around you. And if the vendors who know these luxury market clients like your personality, then it's an easier sell, right?RD: Absolutely.PS: Instead of targeting the luxury people.RD: Yeah. Think of it this way. It's like dating, right? If you want to impress someone, you put your best foot forward. So this is a different example, but I'll use it anyway. My friend who is the private yoga teacher, she works with very high-end clients. Russell Crowe used to be a client of hers. She used to go to his home and teach him yoga. And one day he was looking for a masseuse. And she texted me and said, "Who do we know who'd be good for Russell to get a massage?" Right? Because it has to be the right person. At that level, when you're talking about that person, that level of celebrity, that level of luxury, it can't just be the person we saw on Instagram who we think might be cool. It has to be the right person. When we went through a list of people that we knew, and she was like, "No, that girl drives a-- no, that girl's bad, she'll talk too much," or, "Oh no, that guy has a weird energy," right? There's nothing you can do at that point. You just have to be who you are, and you'll be right for someone. And it's the same with your language. You just have to talk the way you talk authentically in full complete thoughts ideally on social, and the right people will be attracted to you. And you know what? The other cool thing is you'll repel the wrong people. I think we spend a lot of time worrying about who we're attracting, but sometimes I'm like, "Who am I unattracting? Who am I sending away?" Good for that too, right? Because just in using not only limiting language, but inclusive language, right? If you're only posting the same kind of couple all the time, right? Perhaps you're sending a message that you're not open to working with everyone. Same thing with your language. If you're only ever talking about brides and grooms, brides and grooms, brides and grooms, you're leaving out a whole other section of people who are getting married.PS: So it's pretty much just curating. When it comes to business, you just make sure you curate. Be yourself, but you curate.RD: Yeah. Curate inasmuch as you feel comfortable curating. I'm certainly not someone who wants, you see those Instagram accounts of "everything's pink and white". And you're like, "How are you doing that? That's so much effort." I'm not about that life, I don't have that kind of time. But definitely curating your words is so important to me, because I know that none of us are spending enough time thinking about it. We're all just going off the cuff and saying what we think, and saying what we feel, and writing what we feel. And in the end, we're ending up too much in our feelings, and too much in our apologies, and too much in our self-doubt, and not enough standing in our power with our words, and really, intentionally communicating clearly and effectively and efficiently and with authority, what we mean.PS: Okay. I like that, because I feel like social media has changed the way. Before, when we started out, the "about us" page is the only page that tells about you. Now, social media. In the "about us" page, you're like, "I like riding horses and eating hamburgers." Now everything is out there.RD: It's true.PS: People are addicted that they can't stop just shooting out information about themselves, that I feel like when it comes to curating, when we talk about curating, at least for me, I feel like curating is cleaning up. You invite someone to go to your house, and the first thing, once they open the door and see your living room, you're like, "Shit, there's so much stuff on the floor and I need to clean up." So curating is kind of like that. Just make sure that when people Google you, they see a really nice-looking-- doesn't have to be perfect, but just clean. RD: Yeah. I love that you said, too, about the curating. I feel like when we say the word "curating", people are automatically like, "Ew, I don't want to." But what I hear in what you're saying, obviously correct me if this is incorrect, is that you feel like there is a fine line between sharing who you authentically are and who you want to work with, and the kind of work you want to put out there. And then there's people who really overshare, right? And they're telling you, or the people who go on Insta story and Insta story their entire day every day, they're living in some weird reality show that they've made for themselves, where this is their breakfast, and then they're walking the dog, and then they're answering emails, and then they're getting a haircut. And it's like whoa, hold on. What I like to think of for these things, because I'm certainly not someone who wants to Insta story my entire life. I was an actor, I got that amount of attention back in the day, I'm good. I always think if I want to share something that seems kind of tricky or seems kind of maybe challenging, or I don't know. I just always think, is this thing that I'm sharing, is it something that is a wound, an open wound, or is it a scar? Have I learned something from it, right? If it's like a client cancelled their wedding, and we're in the thick of cancelling it, and emotions are high, I'm certainly not going to go on Insta story and be like, "Here's how to cancel your wedding." No, there is a time and a place, right? You have to talk about that once the moment has passed, when it is a scar. The people who overshare, the people who do that thing where you're like, "That is aggressively TMI, I don't need to know all that," I think they're operating from a different place where they're not. And that's what I think we mean by curating. Come at it from a place of what is it that I want to share and teach and educate, or just simply communicate about, and not from a place of, "This just happened, and I'm gonna sound off on it," right? PS: Yeah. So I was talking to a social media expert, I was talking to someone, and we were talking about-- because when I post something on social media, especially the stories, because I always believe that Instagram feed has to be clean, that's about your company. And your stories is where you get dirty. And by dirty, I don't mean sending--RD: Yeah, you can play a little fast and loose with the stories.PS: Yeah, but then when I post something on stories, I just go about my day, right? I take photos of a tree or, "Oh, I'm going to this restaurant." But I never post until the next day. Because I want it to be purposeful. "Oh my gosh, that experience at the restaurant is the highlight of my day," and that's the only thing I'm going to post. So I feel like people need to learn to step back, because the pressure of posting something right now is just tremendous that it's not really healthy anymore.RD: I agree.PS: And I feel like I should have one episode, podcast episode about mental health, because it's just so draining. Especially for me, because I'm not really a very public kind of guy. If I had a choice, I'd probably not post anything. But the pressure of trying to put something out there, yeah.RD: Yeah, I agree with you. Posting while you're in the moment of something takes you out of the moment. You're no longer in the moment, you're now looking at it from a distance, going, "How are people going to react? Oh, what should I say about this moment?" Just be in the moment, man, just post later. I tend not to post when I'm at networking events like the ones you and I have gone to for so many years together, because I don't want people know where I am. There is a weird part of me that is like, "If someone were to follow me around, they could, if I were posting in real time." And I know that sounds very paranoid, but that's just how we are, that's how I am today.PS: I actually saw and read an article, oh, I think it was online, a forum, and I started implementing it. When we go on vacation, I wait two days before I post something. Because we're on our way back, and we just started our vacation online, just so no one's going to know that oh, their house is empty, no one's in the house, stuff like that. It's me being paranoid.RD: But then again, these are all things we have to think about when we're talking about our businesses and our social media. It's such a different world now than when we started.PS: Yeah. So now my question for you is, if I want to change my copy, my language, how do I go about that for my business?RD: So first, I think you have to drill down what your core values are as a business. Mine are online, you can look at my core values on Moxie Bright, on the website, on the "about me" page. But I think once you have those core values, even if you don't publish them, even if you just write them down for yourself, right? Then make sure that all your language points to that. For me, I always want my language to be really uplifting, outgoing. I don't like passive voice. So if you don't know that means, not you, but if your listeners don't know what that means, active voice is like, "I am eating a sandwich." Passive voice is "I am going to eat a sandwich", right? I always want to be in the active voice. I want all my copy, all my Instagram captions, even if I'm talking about something that happened in the past, I still want my reaction to it, my comment on the image, to be in active voice, because it's important to me. It's one of the things, one of my pet peeves. Even when I listen to podcasts, when people say, "We're going to talk about blah blah blah." Just talk about it. You're already here, we're in it, just do it, right? That's just my impatient New Yorker, I think, coming out. But so that's something that's important to me. It's important to me to not use limiting language. It's important to me to communicate in a voice that allows people to easily feel comfortable with me being in charge. Because again, that speaks to what I'm doing for a living. If I were someone in a more creative primarily field, maybe if I were an interior designer, or maybe if I were a photographer, maybe my language would be a little more creative, a little more flowery, because you want to communicate that I have that sort of creative spirit. I'm not so concerned with that for what I'm doing currently. I more just want to be seen as an authority. Because it helps my clients trust me, and then it automatically takes out so many problems in the long run, because they're like, "Oh, Renee's got this," right? Because all of my language and my demeanor speaks to that. So that's what important to me. It doesn't have to be important to other people. But that's one of the reasons that I'm so passionate about this topic, is that I find it so prevalent in our industry. I've been at so many networking events standing next to someone, and someone says, "What do you do?" And they go, "I'm just a wedding planner." And it makes all my skin crawl right off, right? I'm like, "You're not just anything. You're a business person, you're a CEO, you're the president of your company, you're the founder, you're the creative force behind your company." We're so much more than the titles we give ourselves. Because everyone wants to be modest and humble. And I get it, you don't want to be a jerk. But also, you have to own your shit, you have to own your own expertise. Because as a business owner, nobody's going to give that to you, right? No outside force is going to come in and say, "Paul, you're the CEO now." And you're going to go, "Oh my God, am I? I made it." It's like, "No, we're making it ourselves," right? So it might sound arrogant sometimes, and you don't have to say it all the time, but you have to believe it. You have to believe that you are the CEO, whatever inflated title you think is too much, you have to behave as though that's true. PS: I love that, because for us, we've been doing this for nine years, our business has been existing for nine years. And we've never seen ourselves as the owners, right? So for the nine years, we've been just slaving away, making sure that we have work for everyone and blah blah blah. But then, just one moment, we were talking to our friends, and they're like, "You're the CEO, you have to do CEO shit. You can't just do secretary stuff, just hire a secretary. Do owner stuff." And the way that you say that to yourself, it makes you feel more empowered. People who say that they're just wedding planners, and they go to conventions, you're not just the wedding planner, you're already at a convention, that means you're serious. This is a real, real business. So yeah, people have to own up to--RD: Yeah.PS: Yeah. I love that.RD: You have to change your mindset, and you have to learn. It's going to sound so woo-woo, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but I believe it. You have to vibrate at a higher frequency for stuff like that. You just have to let yourself be up here unapologetically. And because, listen, at the end of the day, our businesses are our babies, and we are solely in charge of them. So if something in your business isn't working, it's our responsibility to fix it. And sometimes, it literally just is-- the mindset is off. Your mindset isn't working in your favor, right? And but again, this mindset is pervasive, it comes out in our language. So when I hear someone say, "I'm just a wedding planner," I'm thinking, oh, what's going on with them, right? Do they not have a supportive spouse, maybe? Maybe their spouse is saying, "Well, this little thing you're doing is just for now." Maybe they are not natural leaders. Maybe they have to work on their leadership for their team. Maybe they just have to change their mindset around money, right? We didn't even get around the topic of language around money, but it's the same deal. It's learning to control the language that you have around all of these things. Because once you start acknowledging it and changing it, then it becomes second nature, and you don't have to say to yourself, "Oh, I said 'just' again." Right? Now, when I say "just", I think, oh, did I say it? As opposed to I'm always saying it, and I'm training myself out of it.PS: Yeah, I love that. So my last questions, it's plural because-- it's actually just one question.RD: Okay.PS: So it's basically what language should you use for rejection when you feel like the couple doesn't really fit with you? For example, I saw last night, I saw online, someone asked, "So what do I tell the couple if I see a lot of red flags?" Before they sign, how do I talk to them and say "eh"? RD: I, in the past, have said-- well, first of all, I don't give anyone any sort of pricing or any information until I've spoken to them. And I firmly believe that that is the way everyone should be doing this, because what we do is so personal that it's really hard. It'd be hard for me to send out a price sheet and have someone be like, "I choose you." You'll be like, "Wait a minute, who are you? What is even your deal? I don't know if I want to work with you." So first, we have a conversation. And if I see a lot of red flags, oftentimes I won't send them a proposal. What I'll send instead is an email that I think I have in my canned email that's letting them down easy. And I just say, "It's been really lovely speaking with you and getting to know you. Based on what you told me in our conversation, I don't think that I'm the right fit for you." And I don't necessarily give them reasons, right? Because it doesn't matter, because they're not going to change. Or more accurately, nothing that they can say at that point will change my mind that I don't want to work with them, right? So I had a client, or not a client, but a potential client, many years ago, describe herself as a bridezilla six times during the consult. And she would say it and then laugh, like haha, like it was the funniest thing. I never laughed, I was just taking notes. And she didn't have her fiance on the call. She never even told me his name. She never referenced him, like "my fiance Joe". She just said "my fiance" as if that were his name. By the end, I said, "I'm sorry, you never gave me his name." And she goes, "I didn't?" And I said, "No." She was, "That's funny," and then went into something else. And I was like, it just was clearly not for me. So I wrote her an email and I said, "It was really lovely getting to know you. Based on our conversation, I don't think I'm the right fit for you. Here's who I'd recommend for you." And I always send at least two referrals to people that I really genuinely think could handle that situation, right? That I think they'd be a better fit for. And I don't necessarily feel the need to overly explain myself. In that particular case, she did write back and asked why. And I said, "One of the things I love as a wedding planner is working equally with both halves of the couple, no matter what that couple looks like. And because your fiance wasn't on the call and didn't seem very present in the proceedings, I just know that it's ultimately not going to be a good fit for me." And I never heard from her again. So I think when you're strong in your convictions and you know your core values, and you know the people you want to work with, it's much easier to say no to the ones you don't. But I also don't think we need to be writing diary entries about how much we don't want to work with them. I think that's when it pays to be super almost masculine in your responses, just like it's a hard line, right? Because the other thing you can say is like, "I don't think we'd be a good fit because you said something about being a bridezilla." And then she'd be like, "Well, I was just kidding," and blah blah blah.PS: That's it.RD: Then you're opening it up for more drama. It's a no.PS: Okay.RD: It's hard though, hard to do that.PS: It's super hard. I feel like the person who posted that online, he was just afraid to piss him off or break their heart.RD: Yeah, of course, you don't want to be a bad person. And also, not all of us are in a position to say no to the money. But then again, once you have a bad client that you've taken for money, you always realize that's bad money. You don't want that money anyway.PS: I think it's good that people have us, people like us to tell them that it's money now, but it's going to be a headache in a few months.RD: I feel like everyone has to do it once, and then they go, "Oh yeah, that was bad." Yeah, that was bad.PS: Okay, so the last one, the very last one, because I said language for rejection, right?RD: Yes.PS: What language-- how do you say-- how do you deal with a really livid couple when you did something wrong? Or you didn't do anything wrong, and they're super mad, how do you talk to them?RD: So I always try to figure out where they're coming from. Oftentimes, it is not about us, and the hardest thing as a business owner is to not take things personally. Weddings are emotional, right? A lot of times, we are getting the brunt of something that happened with someone else. And I know as a wedding planner especially, so many times I'll get an email that's like, "We're behind and da da da da, and this and that." And I have to read it and go okay, this person feels panicked, because they think something's not happening that should. I always deal with the facts first. I take the emotion right out of it. In fact, sometimes I actually ignore the emotion, right? Especially if they're coming at me hot, I'm just like, "Okay, what are the facts here? The facts are this person feels scared, this person thinks that A, B and C was not done. That is incorrect, A, B and C is done, here's the proof of when it was done. What else can I help you with?" I always try to move it forward, especially because my clients, or some other brides or grooms or whomever, tend to get a little worked up. Sometimes I always tend to just go okay, don't take it emotionally. Sometimes you got to close the email, walk around the house a little bit, walk around your office, burn it off, come back and be like, okay, what are they really saying, right? Because it's hard when someone's like, "You didn't do something." If they're pointing fingers, "You're bad at your job." And they might not have said that, but that's the tone, right? It's hard to divorce yourself from that and be like, "Okay, well, that's their opinion. Let's deal with the facts." And listen, if you didn't do something that needed to get done, or there was a misstep, of course apologize, absolutely apologize. And oftentimes, what I try to do is I make it right and then apologize. Fix it before you even-- fix it, just whatever it is, fix it. And then go back and say, "You know what? You're right, that did not get done, but it is done now, and here is the outcome." Because basically, all those emails are, all those communications are, is them throwing up a flare going, "Oh my God, something's really bad, we have to fix it." And so your job is to just fix it. Just fix it, fix it first. The other thing with communication, and you didn't ask this, but I'll just say it now. So many times, our clients are frustrated with us because they don't know what we're doing. And oftentimes it's eas

Learn more about Milk StorkSupport the show – and get on monthly advisory calls with Fabian (in groups for both creatives as well as entrepreneurs) Full Transcript:F Geyrhalter: Welcome to the show, Kate.K Torgersen: Thank you. I'm excited to be here.F Geyrhalter: Oh, absolutely. It's so great to have you. The way I actually got to know you and Milk Stork, and we talked about this a little bit prior to hitting record, was at an NPR event where I was actually a mentor and in between my sessions, I saw you on stage interviewing the unbelievably charming founders of Clif Bar. I was so taken by that heartfelt and insightful conversation, since you were a Clif Bar employee. And then you split off with your own venture and they were very supportive of that journey. Right?K Torgersen: Absolutely. Yeah. I actually started Milk Stork on a Clif Bar business trip.F Geyrhalter: That makes so much sense.K Torgersen: Yeah. So I worked at Clif Bar since 1998. And after having my twins, I was, my twins are my second and third babies, but I also have an older baby, so I have three kids altogether and I-F Geyrhalter: And Milk Stork.K Torgersen: Yeah, and Milk Stork, my fourth baby. But I had to go on a business trip and with the twins, I was really committed to breastfeeding. I had breastfed my first child for 18 months and I wanted to give the twins everything that my first kid had. But with breastfeeding twins it's really hard. I mean, it's tandem nursing. We had a bunch of issues with getting one of the twins to latch and weight gain issues. So by the time this business trip came up, it really felt like the stakes were high because the twins had never had formula at that point. They were exclusively on breast milk and I just didn't know how I was going to do the business trip and deal with this breastfeeding situation. So yeah, it was started on a Clif Bar business trip. Obviously Clif Bar, Gary and Kit, the owners of Clif Bar, that culture is so accepting of parenthood and supportive of parenthood. I could have easily said that I wasn't going to take the trip or I would rather not take the trip. But for me it was important to take the trip and not miss out on opportunities that I cared about professionally. So I went on that trip. I lugged two gallons of breast milk home.F Geyrhalter: Oh, my God.K Torgersen: Pumped throughout the trip. And I came back from that trip and I was like, "I've got to figure out a way to fix this." That really was a page out of Gary's, Gary Erickson, the founder Clif Bar, a page out of his book. It's literally probably a page out of his book, that if you have an idea, you just need to chase it down relentlessly and not let go of it, not leave it in the dust.F Geyrhalter: And they were super supportive when you said, "Look, I have to do this."K Torgersen: Yeah. Yeah. I continued for many, many years? A couple years I would say. I was working full time at Clif Bar. My kids were three years old and under for a good part of that, five years old and under. And I was working on Milk Stork at night after they went to bed.F Geyrhalter: May that be a good lesson for all the listeners who say, "Ah, I've got a day job. I can't start a startup. It's too difficult."K Torgersen: Yeah, I mean-F Geyrhalter: Add a pair of twins to that.K Torgersen: Yeah, I have to say, I mean there was a couple of years where there was really no sleep. I was going to bed at probably, if I was lucky, the kids would go to bed at eight, if they actually stayed in their beds and then I would work till one or two. But it's funny looking back, I was so fueled by the idea and solving the idea that... And so absent of sleep already in my life, thanks to the kids, that I don't remember that as that push on the sleepless nights. But it's definitely not something that you can do forever. But in the beginning, I think you have that kind of gas and that gas in your tank that's just propelling you to do it. And that part was really exciting.F Geyrhalter: And, I mean it seems to me like it's a natural, it's somehow a natural gift from above that when you are a mom or any parent, right? You can survive these first sleepless years.K Torgersen: Yeah.F Geyrhalter: It's just something that suddenly you're on the, like you said, you've got that extra gas. And you used that gas tank fully for everything.K Torgersen: Yeah, I didn't have any free time and I was so captured by inspiration and so, I already had the endurance and grit that they came with motherhood. So it was kind of the opportune time. I don't know if I would've had that same kind of depth of grit if the idea had come a few years later or certainly not earlier.F Geyrhalter: And so for those of us who are not as familiar with the entire breastfeeding process and what goes into it and why it is actually so important to feed babies breast milk versus those hundreds of formulas that are out there or whatever. Right? And the idea of how difficult it is actually to travel with breast milk. Can you kind of give us an idea of how this is a real important niche that you are filling?K Torgersen: Yeah, so I think, the pain point of breastfeeding is that it's relentless. Moms who are breastfeeding or pumping every three hours, many of them are trying to make it to one year of having their kids on breast milk. And that's in the US that's the American Academy of Pediatrics recommendation is six months of exclusive breastfeeding and 12 months with breast milk as their primary source of nutrition, in addition to the introduction of solids. But what's interesting and amazing about breastfeeding and the reason you have to do it every three hours is that it's a supply and demand relationship. So the baby sets the supply for the mom. And if you miss a nursing session or you miss a pumping session, the woman's body responds to that dip in demand by producing less milk. And once you kind of disrupt that and your milk supply can start going down. And it's very hard to get it back. For me, breastfeeding was important, not just for the nutritional element, but for the attachment of it. And I didn't want to lose that connection with my kids. And I think, moms breastfeed for a lot of different reasons. Some moms are doing it for nutrition, some monitoring it for attachment. But I think ultimately the thing that was, that's been important to me in starting Milk Stork is that it should be up to the mom and the decision to breastfeed or not breastfeed shouldn't have anything to do with her career. It should be exclusively a relationship with her and her baby. And weaning, I just, it breaks my heart when women are weaning before they're ready or before they kind of want to end that relationship. I just, it should be on their terms.F Geyrhalter: And that was part of a Milk Stork, you also turned into an advocate for breastfeeding friendly policies overall, right? At the workplace.K Torgersen: Yeah. I think with breastfeeding, it's something that's invisible to the kind of the larger community, especially in the workplace. You're usually do it, you're doing it every three hours. You're stepping away to do it. You're stepping sometimes into a bathroom. If you're lucky, you're stepping into a conference room or a lactation room that has a lock and it's set up for you. But it's outside kind of the gaze of the workplace culture. And for a lot of women that kind of, that invisibility of it makes it hard to advocate for because you kind of have to explain this relationship, there's a lot of education that goes into explaining why you need a private room, what you're going to be doing. But I think at the same time, 50% of the workforce is female. Actually, I just saw an article that women are now, it's like tipping over 50%, women in the workforce.F Geyrhalter: Wow.K Torgersen: So, and most women, most moms are working moms. So this is a real pain point for a large part of the employee population.F Geyrhalter: Absolutely. And for the listeners who know me by now, I'm such a big proponent of niche brands that actually wholeheartedly connect with a very overlooked segment. And I'm, on the other hand, I'm also super obsessed with startups that create their own category, which are very, very few to many who say they do. But most of them don't disrupt the category or start a category to just barely fit in. But you actually, you're both, I mean, you're on the one hand, you're a big... You're, this is perfect. There's actually an ambulance in the back. I'm going to cut this up. Okay. I'm going to start this over.K Torgersen: Perfect.F Geyrhalter: Oh, perfect. And for those of you who listen to me a lot, they actually noted I'm a big proponent of niche brands that wholeheartedly connected with an overlooked segment. And I'm also obsessed with startups that create their own category. And they're very few of those. But you, Kate, are actually both. I mean, you launched a company that specializes in the facilitation of overnight shipping of breast milk for business traveling moms. I mean, that's just about as niche as it gets. Right?K Torgersen: Yeah.F Geyrhalter: I absolutely, I love that. And I mean, you had the epiphany out of a need and I heard you talk about this on another show. You basically when the airplane touchdown, you said, "You know what, I'm never going to do that again. And things need to change." And you literally got to work right after. But what is even more interesting to me is that when you officially, and I don't know what that word really means when you launch a company, because there are so many phases, but when you actually decided to push, right? And have the company be publicly out there and you start emailing and you start putting it out there and at that time it didn't take very long for it to actually catch on. Right? I mean it was pretty instant that people said, "Oh, I needed this." Or even employers saying, "You know what? I want this to become a benefit."K Torgersen: Right. It was instant. It was, we launched in August of 2015. My co-founder is actually my father and we essentially kind of flipped the switch on the website. We had spent a good nine or 10 months building out the kind of eCommerce platform and all the logistics of how this would work. So we flipped the switch on the website and we kind of just sat there and then an order came in. And then another order came in. And we're just like, "Oh my God, now we have to fulfill these orders."F Geyrhalter: Now what?K Torgersen: Now what? How are we going to do this?F Geyrhalter: Tell me, this is fascinating. So, you didn't do any push besides literally launching the site or did you already-K Torgersen: I did a press release.F Geyrhalter: Okay.K Torgersen: That was it. So we launched the site and my background was in PR and communications and we put out a press release. I did send that that release out into my own media relations and sent it out to a bunch of reporters. We did get an article with, I think it was within two weeks with Fortune Magazine.F Geyrhalter: Wow.K Torgersen: And so that got-F Geyrhalter: Then you know.K Torgersen: [crosstalk 00:12:09] Then within, also within two weeks after that article went, we got a call from one of the largest consulting firms in the world saying that they wanted to bring us on as an employee benefit for their North American employees.F Geyrhalter: Unbelievable.K Torgersen: And I took that call in my minivan in the childcare parking lot at Clif Bar and I just said, "Okay, yeah, we'll figure it out." And they wanted to launch in 30 days. And we did not have an enterprise kind of set up. I really thought it was going to be hard to explain breast milk shipping to companies and employers and advocate for that. So I knew that going direct to moms was the first place that we were going to go and we're like, "Okay, we'll figure out enterprise later." But that happened way faster than we ever, ever expected. And by the end of that year, we had five enterprise clients and that included two of the largest pharmaceutical companies in the world.F Geyrhalter: Yeah. I mean just to visualize that idea of, "Oh good, you've got three or four clients that are enterprises instead of moms." I mean the amount of orders that you get because of that, it's just mind blowing. Right?K Torgersen: Yes.F Geyrhalter: I mean, you're going directly to the source. You don't have to advocate, you don't have to get one mom at a time. And I mean, to be honest, it's not cheap either, right?K Torgersen: No.F Geyrhalter: I mean, shipping breast milk is not cheap. I guess it's like somewhere at 170 or something like that. I don't know. I heard that number, but it's pretty, it's not inexpensive. So for moms to say, "Oh yeah, that's not a problem. I'm going to spend, I don't know, 200, 400 depending on how long the trip is, dollars on my baby's health." That is a really, really big expense. But for employers it is kind of a no brainer because what happens in the background is, those are individuals that have been with the company, some of them for a pretty long time, very loyal and then suddenly this life event happens. A very positive life event. That weirdly enough when it comes to work is actually not so much of a positive life event. Right? And so you're struggling with that and then you want to be loyal, but the more that companies can give moms, new moms a reason to stick with the company and to be loyal. I mean it's a huge benefit. Those 170 bucks or whatever it is, that's nothing.K Torgersen: Yeah. It's what happened almost immediately, which I don't think I could've ever, it didn't occur to me that this was going to happen, but I'm so glad that it did. And I think it's, I guess I had underestimated employers in the beginning and their desire to support working women. But what ended up happening, which is amazing, is that women started using Milk Stork and then rightfully asking their employers to reimburse them. And feeling empowered to do that. And I think there's a couple of things that were happening. One, it was a millennial workforce that was asking for it. And these are women and parents who are incredibly informed, probably the most informed generation of parents to walk the face of the earth.F Geyrhalter: Right. Right, because of all the resources that they have at their fingertips today.K Torgersen: Yeah, so and they have very high expectations for work life balance. It's also, it was on the, Me Too was happening and so women were speaking up about the realities of the workplace for them. And there was just a strong collective voice of women. And I think the other incredible thing was that women who needed Milk Stork were going to HR, which has a very high, as a profession, very high population of women. Going to somebody in HR who had experienced this pain point themselves, most likely or knew the challenges of returning to work and breastfeeding. And that HR person then became a firebrand within their company to help onboard the benefit.F Geyrhalter: That's all they look for is more benefits that are crystal clear for people to understand why it would make sense to have them for leadership. And it makes so much sense. And I love that now on your website you are actually having these letters, like at conferences when you're an employee and you want to go to a conference and there's letters on the conference website of like, "Hey, this is why I need to go. This is why you need to sponsor it." You have actual letters for HR, which it is a little bit different than when you go to a conference because when the whole idea of breastfeeding at a workplace is actually, it's very uncomfortable. It's a strange situation for someone to be in. And then to ask for a reimbursement around that in that entire, it can be awkward for people to have to go to, I mean in smaller companies to their boss and just explain everything. Right?K Torgersen: Yeah, I think to go to someone who's never lactated themselves and ask.F Geyrhalter: Like any male CEO.K Torgersen: Yeah. Or even women who have not experienced breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is so weird because you don't really know what goes into it until you've done it. Or you've seen a spouse or partner do it.F Geyrhalter: And I say right, not as in affirmative, but I don't know. I'm on that side. Right? But, I am an employer and I did have those instances and it is extremely strange to work around it and trying to find solutions that feel like they're comfortable for everyone. Right? It's not easy, especially when you're a two, three, four or five people shop. Right? It's not like you can create an entire infrastructure around it. Let's talk a little bit more about the Milk Stork brand. Like actually many of the successful brand founders that I have on Hitting The Mark. You mentioned you come from a marketing background too, I think at Clif Bar, the last position that you held was that of an executive communications and speechwriter. So I am wondering how much of Milk Stork's tone of voice and copy actually comes from you? Or did you have an agency or writer who's who's in charge of the brand voice at this point?K Torgersen: When one of the first things, it was funny when you were, earlier we were talking about what is starting a company even mean? What does that process look like?F Geyrhalter: Right.K Torgersen: One of the first things that I did was come up with the name because I think for me too, once you have that idea, putting a name makes you accountable to it. So it made it real and it made the idea not disappear into dust. It made it concrete. So coming up with a name that continued to inspire me as I was going to build the company was critical. So it was literally the first thing that we did. When I said, when my dad and I got going, I was, I kept texting him. I'm like, "What do you think of this name? What do you think of this name?" And then just, I think it was maybe two days after I had even had the idea, I came up with Milk Stork. And then-F Geyrhalter: Which by the way is brilliant, not to interrupt you, but it's a brilliant name.K Torgersen: It was important for it to be visual to me. I'm a very visual person and I wanted it to be kind of visual, but I also want it to be, so that when I knew that this category didn't exist and so it had to kind of explain also what the service was. And then we immediately got to work on the branding. And we did hire, I mean we didn't have a ton of money, I think we each put in like 25... No, we each put in $12,000 in the beginning. Something like that. And probably 3,000 of that went to hire somebody to help us come up with the branding, like the logo, the logo type, all of that. So it was-F Geyrhalter: And tone of voice and all of that was that still you writing at the beginning and-K Torgersen: Yeah.F Geyrhalter: Okay, okay.K Torgersen: I mean it is, it was a direct extension of me. And a lot of that came from my experience at Clif Bar. I mean, Clif Bar is a direct, it's a direct link to Gary and Kit and their values and that's a company where your brand is really about your integrity. And so that's kind of the lens that I was coming at Milk Stork with.F Geyrhalter: Absolutely. And I would love for anyone to actually look a little bit deeper into the Clif Bar brand because most people don't, right? Most people have a Clif Bar. They didn't look too deep into the brand. But it is really, really fascinating. And just to touch on something that you said before, because it happens so rarely, but I really, but I think it is so important. When you said that you came up with the name first and it was the driver because it made it real and it made it feel like, "Okay, now did I have that I'm almost there." It's like this naive idea of your brain where it's like, "Oh my God, it's now, it's real. It can be real. I can see it in front of me." To create something that's very descriptive, a very descriptive name. Usually for a lot of founders, startup founders that are listening, that are in the very, very early stages of their startup. It is a dangerous route unless you're in Kate's position because you knew exactly your offering. You knew you wouldn't expand like this is it, right? It is about shipping breast milk. That's it, right? There's nothing more, nothing less. I work with a lot of founders that say, "Yeah, you know, we're in the business of X." But then really two months later they're in the business of Y, right? But they already created a name and they didn't fall in love with the name. But then, after a year they have to change it because it is too descriptive. But you are one of those instances where it actually works so well. And it can fuel the entire journey. And Milk Stork is a very direct, a very bold brand which is quite apparent as you agree that by a large image of if very hip models slash mom breastfeeding on milkstork.com. So, I invite all listeners to check it out on milkstork.com since it is really making a very clear brand statement by solely using a photo and the header for moms on a mission. So in that particular very prominent image there is more attitude and self confidence than there's joy or relief. And I feel this did not happen by accident, since there was a certain attitude that breastfeeding moms need in order to ask the employer for reimbursement or to stand their ground publicly. Right? Then in my humble opinion, it perfectly caters to driven, career oriented moms. So, how did that art direction of that photo shoot and did this overall brand that we have today, not the brand that it was a couple of years ago, but today, how did that shape up and how did it change over the years?K Torgersen: Yeah, so when we first launched we actually went through, we have since gone through a rebrand. But when we first launched we, I wanted it to be something that moms could be proud of. I wanted Milk Stork to be something that they, something that wasn't, especially with a lot of branding in the mom space, you get a lot of cursive, you get a lot of pastels. And we did have kind of a pastel color in the beginning. But as the brand kind of evolved, we saw that moms were posting on social media and using the Milk Stork box as a badge of honor. Like, "Went to a conference." They were so proud to have been able to keep breastfeeding. That was a really clear signal to us that Milk Stork, we needed it to be the badge of honor that moms deserve. And so that's played a big role in the branding. I think the other big role that's that we've, the other big direction with branding is that I want to show real images of moms. Moms are not this kind of cookie cutter, cardigan image that we've seen for so long. We want to show diverse representations of motherhood, of families, of breastfeeding. And for us it's all about real moms. So all of our models are real moms. That woman really is breastfeeding her child and we don't want moms to have to apologize for breastfeeding. They are, moms are badass and they should be treated as such.F Geyrhalter: Totally. And it's a very empowering brand I think overall and that comes through. And I did not want my statement to be misleading about the model slash mom on the homepage because as you go deeper into the brand, it gets extremely diverse and I loved that very photorealistic and life realistic and Zeitgeist, on par with to the Zeitgeist photography, because I think it is really leading your brand in a certain way. But now that you went, so first of all, you work with Clif Bar, you must've gained a lot of amazing brand insights while working there and now having started very successfully, Milk Stork over the last couple of years and seeing it grow and going through that rebranding effort. What does branding mean to you today?K Torgersen: Even today, branding is, it's a reflection of my promise. My promise, my accountability to our moms and our clients. I think it's a reflection of our commitment and integrity. And I also think we are not the only ones that own the Milk Stork brand. Our moms and our companies own it. Branding is fueled by love and connection and it's when moms are posting boxes, their boxes of Milk Stork, they own the brand as much as I do. And for them it is a reflection of their commitment to their family and to their ambition. So it's a community, the branding becomes like the hub of our community. It's the heart and soul of our company.F Geyrhalter: And that is exactly what I always preach. Just as you said it really, really well and in a different way, but the heart and soul, that's what a brand is. That's what it comes down to. But I love the idea that it's fueled by love. That's when you know you have a brand when it keeps giving back at all times and you put something out and it keeps giving back. Was there a time early on where, you did surveys, or you asked moms or you kind of like an early customer data and you said, "You know what I'm going to do, I'm going to totally go against what I just heard." If a staff would have said moms and employers are not willing to spend $170 on shipping breast milk ever, that's not going to happen. Or was there anything like that where you heard some, resentment or you got some data and you're like, "You know what? I hear you, but I'm going the totally opposite direction." You were successful doing so.K Torgersen: In the early days I got a lot of sideways looks when I was trying to find vendors or getting corporate insurance and they're like, "Oh, making a company that ships breast milk. Why would you want to ship breast milk?" So, I did not do a lot of customer research because at that point I really was the consumer myself. I was a working mom who had to travel and I was trying to breast feed my twins. And I was living and breathing it with all of my friends who were also having kids and trying to maintain their commitment to their careers. So I wasn't lacking for data. I think it was all qualitative coming from the people that I, that were in my work, my circle. But I can't tell you how many times I got the look. When I'm saying, "Oh, I'm going to start a breast milk shipping company." And getting that look of like, "What the hell are you talking about?" It still happens. If I meet somebody and they're like, "Oh, what do you do?" "Oh, I started my own company. We ship breast milk." You just get that look of like, "That's absurd." I get it all the time. I still get it.F Geyrhalter: Yeah, no, I know. I'm sure. I'm sure. What is... I think this is directly linked to the brand conversation we had a minute ago and I think I might have an idea of what it could be and you know this coming up because I forewarned you, but I love that idea of when you create a brand, and for me personally, when I create print strategies with my clients. To kind of at the end of the day to really sit together and think about, "If there's only one word that we could use to describe our brand or maybe two, right? What would it be?" It's kind of like, in a way, people say the North star, they call it brand DNA, but really it's like that singular word that would encompass everything. Like the philosophy, the design, what do you call the heart and soul, that the love of a brand. What would be that one word for Milk Stork?K Torgersen: Yeah. It's really, it's a made up word. It's mom badassery. Yeah, I don't know how else, it's almost more of a feeling than it is a word.F Geyrhalter: It is a lot like mom empowerment, but just much more badass.K Torgersen: Yeah. Yeah. I always say that working breastfeeding moms are like star athletes. They have this incredible physical commitment that they have made, this incredible kind of mental commitment that they've made, they have this kind of deep well of grit. I mean, if you think of how many times if you're breastfeeding five to eight times a day and doing it for a year, it's a huge venture of endurance. So I think they're complete warriors.F Geyrhalter: Absolutely. Absolutely. No, I absolutely agree with you. And it's really, really great to see a company like yours make it and make it so quickly and be... I mean, you are, at this point, it's not only moms who come with open arms, it's Fast Company named you one of the most innovative companies for last year. And the press as much as employers are running towards the brand with open arms. So yes, on the one hand you hit the Zeitgeist perfectly for a lot of reasons. But even if you wouldn't have, even if this would have happened 10 years ago, it would have still taken off, it would've just taken longer. But I'm really grateful for what you're doing and even more so from a brand perspective, how you do it. It takes a lot to understand and with your rebranding, I'm sure a lot of that happened, to understand what the actual essence is of a brand like yours. And the mom badassery is exactly that. I heard you say this and I'm not sure where but, you said, and I'm solely paraphrasing, and you can correct me, "When you become a mom, you figure out what you do on the go, yet you're expected to be an expert on everything from the get go that has to do with that child."K Torgersen: Yeah.F Geyrhalter: And I think entrepreneurship is a lot like that. And I love that idea that, and everyone says, "Well yeah, if you have a company it's like it's like your new baby." But, really that, how you actually explained that, and that is always the strange thing becoming a parent and it's like suddenly you have to be the expert on every single thing about bringing up a kid and what a kid needs. And I mean, there are so many multifaceted elements to it and it is very much like entrepreneurship. Now that you went through this and you had to become an expert at everything or be smart about it and outsource as much as you can before you grow.K Torgersen: I like that.F Geyrhalter: It's kind of like that's the toddler stage, right? At that point you can actually, all right now we have a real human being we can do something with and we can outsource certain elements. It's very much with a startup. It's really hilarious to actually think about that parallel, year after year. Do you have one piece of brand advice for founders, perhaps even female founders, as a takeaway from everything that you've learned in the last years? I mean, it must be a massive amount, but is there something where you just feel like, "You know what, this is something that I learned and I would love to share that with people."K Torgersen: Well, one is kind of just a, I think if you, to those who are setting forth to start something or have an idea for something, it sounds so incredibly silly, but get your logo. Get a logo that you... Get, make it so you can see it. So you can see this thing that you're going to create. You can hold it. And I, one of the first things we did was we made business cards and it sounds, but it, it sounds so silly, but it was such a kind of talisman almost for making it, for kind of holding that and holding the inspiration in my pocket. Kind of my secret side hustle that I was working on. So that's one thing. And that I think the other thing is that you just have to make your brand contagious. The branding has to be, you have to love it, it has to move you, it has to make you feel really proud about what you're doing. And if it's not doing that, then I don't think it's hitting the mark. It should be a reflection of your pride in your endeavor.F Geyrhalter: I love everything you said, including the pun at the end with Hitting The Mark. So thank you for that. That is, no, that is absolutely correct. And I did hear you say somewhere else too that you advised founders to first do what they really love. So meaning, you're going to have, like with a baby, right? There are 40,000 things you can be doing, right? What is the thing that you actually really enjoy, master that. So if you actually come from marketing and if you actually enjoy that, and I'm sure that's why you're so driven behind the idea of first they came up with the name, then I created the logo, then I put it in the business card. And like all of this kind of like fueled you to keep going. Some others might really enjoy the idea of solving operations, which I know for a company like yours must've been a huge thing, right?K Torgersen: Yeah.F Geyrhalter: But, but everyone has their thing and whatever their thing is just to not get sidetracked but all the other 20,000 puzzle pieces that they need to put together. But just focus on one thing you really enjoy and do it first for your company because it's going to fuel you to keep going. And I think that's really wise and it's really important. And I love that you said that on another show. Listeners, many of whom will not happen to be in the stage of breastfeeding at this point or will ever get there. But many actually own their own businesses and I'm sure many fell in love with what you do. What would you like for them to be doing right this minute to support or benefit from your venture?K Torgersen: I just think, let's all together work to normalize breastfeeding. So if you see a woman breastfeeding in public... I think there's so much imposed shame with breastfeeding, unfortunately. And I think we all have to kind of check ourselves on that. So I just, my hope is that, that there's an understanding of how challenging that first year of parenthood is, especially from others. It's hard for dads too, for sure and partners as well. But for moms in particular, give that mom a high five because she is, if she's just had a baby and she's in the trenches and she's doing an incredibly important job. So I just think give credit where credit is due.F Geyrhalter: That's great. Yep, absolutely. And go to milkstork.comK Torgersen: I think the other thing is, yeah, if you are still working in a company and they are not offering family friendly benefits or they are looking to, every company should offer Milk Stork if they have traveling employees. Moms should never pay for Milk Stork when they're traveling for work. Never ever, ever. Their company should.F Geyrhalter: Kate, thank you so much for having been on the show. I think every listener and myself, we now know how busy obviously, your life is with numerous babies including Milk Stork. Thanks for having been on the show. I'm so lucky right now that I have had only female entrepreneurs and founders on the show for as long as I can think of. I think for the last like 10 or 15 episodes, it's so great. But we appreciate your time and your insights and I'm really excited to, no pun intended to see Milk Stork takeoff even more in the future.K Torgersen: Thank you so much. It's been a complete joy to be on.F Geyrhalter: Thank you. I appreciate it.

Stories in this episode: Jim, a devout Baptist, sends five of his seven children on Latter-day Saint missions despite his misgivings about what they will teach and finds himself “tapped on the shoulder” by God; Though she grew up a member of the Church, Brooke doesn’t really search out her own testimony until devastating loss puts her faith, or lack thereof, at the forefront of her life; Missionaries go the literal extra mile to find Martin when he moves back to Norway after a visit to temple square; Dumdi finds the strength to remain faithful after baptism despite being alone in her efforts; When Monique’s family moves to a predominantly Latter-day Saint community, she vows to steer clear of “The Mormons” but finds herself drawn to the doctrine despite negative experiences. SHOWNOTES: This episode is sponsored by Gospel Day by Day Check out videos of Jim, Brooke, Martin, Dumdi, and Monique, at ldsliving.com/thisisthegospel. TRANSCRIPT: KaRyn Lay  0:04   Welcome to "This Is the Gospel," an LDS Living podcast where we feature real stories from real people who are practicing and living their faith every day. I'm your host, KaRyn Lay.  If you love to learn about bugs, then you enjoy entomology. But if you love to learn about the origin of words, well then you have a thing for etymology, which is what I have, a thing for etymology. For a really long time, I would get those two "ologies" confused, even though I am most definitely not a fan of things with lots of legs. What I am a fan of is where a word comes from and how it evolved into its current meaning. Take the etymology of the word "convert," for example. When the word is used as a noun, the online Macmillan dictionary defines it as someone who has changed their beliefs in an important way, and I really like that definition. But the actual origins of the word from the Latin add an even deeper perspective. It comes from a mix of "com" meaning together or with, and "vertere" meaning to turn or bend. And I have no idea if I said for "vertere" right, it just sounds kind of Latin in my mind. Well, when I think of the word "convert" with that underlying Latin root, I can practically feel the word. Because with that understanding, when I call myself a convert to Christianity, I'm acknowledging that I am someone who has turned together and bent toward the gospel of Jesus Christ. The word conversion, which is really closely associated with "convert" from the Latin, started to have a religious connotation in the 14th century. It's a turning round, a revolving, an alteration or a change. If I was putting together a video montage reel of the best conversions, I would illustrate that woman at the well turning to face the Savior. And Saul turning towards the angel and his new name. And Alma, and King Lamoni, and everyone who has ever converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ turning, turning, turning their bodies and their hearts to the Savior. Well, in today's episode, we have five little stories of five big turns. Moments when something shifted and led the storytellers towards God and towards Jesus Christ.  Our first story comes from Jim who found that his conversion to Christ as a member of the Baptist faith was an important step in setting the stage for another revolution of his faith. Here's Jim.   Jim  2:30   I grew up as a Baptist. There were very few Baptists in Clearfield, Utah. My parents taught me about Jesus Christ and I went to church every Sunday. I grew up, actually, with kind of an anti-Mormon tilt. The Southern Baptists love the LDS people, but they felt and believed that they were not writing their doctrine and they, in fact, were lost. They were active in trying to save the LDS people get the LDS people to realize they were wrong.  As I met Linda, my wife Linda, she was LDS. Any time we talked about church, it was just me trying to convert Linda or Linda trying to convert me. We learned that that didn't work. We would take the children to church, Linda would take some time and I would take my time. They enjoyed both churches. Ultimately, the challenge left me feeling like it's better to just let them go to the Mormon church. They came time for the kids to be baptized, I was was reluctant to that, feeling as I did about the church. And consequently, when it came time for them to be baptized, the challenge there and the heartache for me was that I was relinquishing my responsibility to teach my kids, I guess, the truth—the truth as I saw it and knew it. It was a struggle, but I let the kids be baptized.  The hard part really for me was when my kids came and wanted to go on a mission. Again, feeling as I did, it was hard to know that they were going to go teach something that I didn't believe. I had taught them and told them that they were no longer responsible to their father, their earthly father. They were more responsible to their Heavenly Father and if that's what He wanted them to do that they needed to go do it and do the best job they could. Through the years with the Lord working with me and tapping me on the chest, I was feeling that, and I knew the Lord had worked with me before like that. That I had no doubt in my mind He was wanting me to do something and telling me something. So when two granddaughters were to be baptized, and one granddaughter to be blessed, that was really emotional for me. That Sunday, a lady stood to give her testimony. She testified of Joseph Smith, the truth of the gospel and Joseph Smith doing that. It was then, that Sunday that my savior told me, "You need to look at the Church with thoughts other than trying to disprove it."  So we went home, I thought how am I going to tell Linda and my family? They obviously had been praying for this for a long time. But I knew I needed to tell her and I couldn't figure out how and I just thought, "Well everybody's together, just tell them." As I call it, there was shock and awe. Everyone was happy, some were crying to know that it might take place. I know some doubted it—that it never would, even then.  I told them that I didn't need to meet with any Missionaries of the church because I had a whole house full of them. Five of my seven children were returned missionaries and all three of my sons-in-law. I asked them if they would read with me and pray with me and help me answer questions that I had. And we did. We met often and prayed every day. As I prayed about it, every time I got a distinct feeling that the Lord wanted me to continue to read and look. Finally, my Heavenly Father showed me that I didn't have to leave the truth that I knew and to turn my back on Him, but He had more truths for me. And through that, I made the decision to be baptized. I was able to tell my bride of 41 years that I was going to be baptized.  A little over a year later, I was able to go to the temple and be sealed to my wife and seven temple-worthy, wonderful children. The most remarkable thing about it was to realize the truth of the eternal family. When we lost a son a few years ago, to know that we would be with him again, that it was just for a short time that he would be with us and we would all be together as an eternal family. To endure something like that without that knowledge would be so difficult. And I testify, the blessings that come through the plan of salvation and knowing that again one day I will see and be with my son. I testify that that is the greatest, the most wonderful thing that there is.   KaRyn Lay  9:19   That was Jim. Jim and his wife, Linda have been friends of LDS Living for a couple of years now when we first filmed them for our love lessons video series back in 2017. And we've been consistently in awe of Jim's willingness to share his story if it'll help others find the peace that the restored gospel has given him. Though we didn't get to hear from Linda in this particular version of Jim's story, I can attest that her resolve to maintain and grow her own faith, as Jim maintained and grew his faith in Christ, was integral to his eventual recognition of the truths of the restored gospel. I hold on to their powerful reminder that timing, plus love, plus consistency, plus allowing for agency, plus Faith, plus a commitment to peace can do way more than pushing and fighting ever could. Those things combined allow us to get out of the way and let God do the work that He is already doing with His children. Our next story comes from Brooke. Brooke's true and lasting conversion happened when she was already a member of the church. Just a quick note for anyone who might be sensitive, Brooke's story discusses infant loss. Here's Brooke.   Brooke  10:27   After out daughter Kennedy passed away, I naturally had questions. Where do we go after this? What is life? And it just kind of led into this prayer. And in that prayer, I wasn't expecting some miraculous thing, but I got something miraculous.  So I was raised in the church. I was baptized at eight years old. I was in young women's, and then I got married at 18. I think once I became an adult, I really started to question what I believed. I got to a point in my life where I realized that I had been riding on my parents' testimonies more than my own. So for seven years, I put my faith on the shelf and I didn't touch it. I didn't think about it, I did everything that I was told not to do. In that, there was good things I experienced, there were really rough, hard things I experienced. But I grew from all those experiences.  I was 37, almost 38 weeks pregnant when our daughter Kennedy passed away. Her heart just stopped and there was no reason why she had passed away. It was heart wrenching for a family. We had tried to have children for three years. We have an 11-year-old son who is amazing and one of my favorite people on this planet, but we wanted more kids and it took us a really long time. And then Kennedy passed away. And it broke me. In that brokenness, I was able to be vulnerable enough to want answers for myself, not for anyone else. One day, I was sitting at my kitchen table, and I decided to pray. And the idea of praying was really uncomfortable. Because I felt so far away from Heavenly Father. I had no idea what really that even meant to me at that time. I gave one of the clumsiest prayers I've ever heard in my life. The questions—the specific question I had was, "Why did Kennedy die?" I wasn't really sure I was going to get an answer. But as I sat there, I felt so much comfort, more comfort than I've ever felt in my whole life. And I felt my daughter around me, and I felt our Savior. And I felt what it meant to have unconditional love around you. Something struck me really, really hard and that was Kennedy's sacrifice to earthly life so that my family could come back to the gospel. And that she could be my beacon and my light.  After that, incredibly clumsy prayer, I opened up a Book of Mormon. The last time I had opened the Book of Mormon was probably in seminary and I probably wasn't paying attention. Once I opened up the Book of Mormon for myself and not for anyone else, I just kept reading. And the more I kept reading, the more relevant it was in my life, which was shocking because it always felt so old and ancient to me. But I was reading things and I felt like they understood what I was going through. And it wasn't until I was about halfway through, that I really started to get this desire to not just attend church, but to really dive all the way in.  So I started getting the discussions again. My son also was getting discussions with me. Then I was prepped to go through the temple. And at this time, I had gotten pregnant again with another little girl and we found out that she was going to pass away also. So in March of 2016, our daughter, Holland, lived for one hour and then passed away. And it was wasn't, it shouldn't have been able to happen, I shouldn't have been able to survive both of these horrific tragedies. And I know for a fact it was from that clumsy prayer at that kitchen table, was because I was able to get through all of this. Because that was the starting point for my life.  You know, with loss comes grief, and can come depression. And I think sometimes you get lost in that. And knowing that I have a hope now that is a living, breathing hope, and His name is Jesus Christ, has laid a foundation in my life. That I now know that I can go through really hard trials and I can go through really hard moments and I don't have to wait for Him, because he's there. I don't have to be perfect, because He's been there the entire time and He comes to my level. The difference in my life now is that fear doesn't own me anymore. Death doesn't really scare me, because I've seen beautiful things happen with death. I used to hear people say that, you know, death isn't the end. I didn't believe them. But I now know it's so much more than that. And I look forward to the day that I can hold both of my girls again. And I look forward to this journey, though. I look forward to now, I look forward to today because there's so much hope in today. And there's so much hope in this life. And I know that through my daughters, I've been able to learn that.   KaRyn Lay  16:45   That was Brooke. Brooke first shared this story as part of our "This Is the Gospel" video series. Much like our pitch line, we don't always know the people who voluntarily share their stories for videos like this, so we hadn't met Brooke until she burst into the studio with all the energy of a woman twice her size. And I have to say that Brooke's love for the Savior and His plan of happiness radiates from her. It is absolutely a gift to witness someone who's experienced such loss, take such comfort in the perspective that the Savior offers.  Our next two stories are short and sweet. Both Martin and Dumdi came to the United States from other countries. And while their circumstances were very different in coming here, they both found the restored gospel of Jesus Christ on their journey. First, we'll hear from Martin and then from Dumdi.   Martin  17:33   I'm from Norway, and where I grew up, there wasn't really much talk about God or religion or anything like that. So when I moved to Utah as an exchange student at the age of 17, the concepts of faith and church really foreign to me. Luckily, later that year I made some really good friends that took me to church and they taught me about faith. And everything I learned there really resonated with me. And I learned about things that I had never even thought about before. It was just a really wonderful experience right there. But when I visited temple square that summer, the sister missionaries there did what I assume they always do and ask the visitors if they would like missionaries to visit their home. And because of what I had learned, I said, "Yes, please." And I was really excited about seeing them. But unfortunately, my family and I, we were planning on taking a three-week vacation in the states before returning home. So the missionaries in Norway, they probably tried to call me several times to try to get a hold of me without any luck. So when I got home, I never heard from them. Until one day, a senior couple finally called one last time trying to get ahold of this reference. I answered the phone and they asked me if I wanted the missionaries to stop by and I said, "Sure, send them over!" However, where I live, there were no missionaries. The missionaries had to travel an hour and a half by plane to be able to teach me, but they did. And we sat there and we talked about the Plan of Salvation, the Gospel, the restoration, and everything just felt so good. And I really liked what I learned and the thoughts about baptism started crossing my mind. But, growing up in this environment where I really didn't know anyone that even was Christian, it was really hard to try to stand out that much. I was really worried about what my family and friends would say. So with all those worries and all those doubts in my mind, one night I knelt down to pray, and prayed about what the missionaries had taught me, and prayed about the Book of Mormon, and prayed about the church. And I was filled with such an immense happiness, something I had never felt before. And knew that this happiness did not come from this world, it came from God. And I knew that I needed to be baptized regardless of what would happen. So that is what I did. I got baptized on November 14, 2010, and none of my worries came true. I just received blessings and happiness from there now. And often I think back about what would have happened if my friends hadn't taken me to church if the sister missionaries hadn't asked for my name and address. If the missionaries in Norway hadn't tried so hard to contact me. And especially if the Norwegian members hadn't embraced me the way I did. And I consider myself so blessed to have experienced that, and I know because of my experiences that there are no coincidences in God's plan. That He loves every one of his children so so much. And He works so hard so that every single one of us will be able to find our path home to Him.   Dumdi  20:56   I was 12-years-old when I joined the church. My family had been in the states for about three years, we came over to the states as war refugees from Nigeria. And it was just, you know, a typical day in Dallas, it was warm and sunny. And we had two, sorry, but these two scrawny white dudes—because like, we live in like a very black neighborhood anyway. And I was really surprised my dad let them in, but he did. And I think that's probably the best thing my dad has done for me, was letting those missionaries in. They taught us and they challenged us to read, you know, they gave us certain verses in the Book of Mormon to read, and I think I was the only one that read them. But I'm always up for a good challenge. So I decided to go ahead and read them and then pray. And it was actually the first time I'd ever addressed Heavenly Father the way that I did when I knelt down to pray about what these missionaries had been teaching us. Because personally for me, just learning that God was my Heavenly Father changed everything. And also made sense, you know that we would have prophets now, just like in the biblical times because I, you know, had been taught about the Bible. I accepted the invitation to be baptized along with my parents and one of my sisters. And I just remember when they lifted me out of the water, they had to baptize me again, because I had this like long hair, kind of like right now, and it didn't all go in. I just remember getting lifted out of the water and just feeling this warmth and it just like consumed my whole body. And I started crying because I had felt this peace that I hadn't felt in a very long time. And I just knew that God was proud of me, that He was proud of the decision I'd made. And I try to remember that when it does start to feel hard. And now I'm the only active member, and it's okay because I love my family. But there are definitely, you know, hard things about being the only active convert in your family. But I have seen God's hands in my life every day, whenever I decided to notice them. But as I pray an I read my scriptures, for me, it's about my relationship with Heavenly Father, and about Jesus Christ. And that's why I stayed. That's why I chose to be baptized. And that's why I'm still here.   KaRyn Lay  23:37   That was Martin and Dumdi. Even though their stories of conversion are different from one another, I love these snapshots of finding faith for the same reason. As a lifelong member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it can really be easy for me to forget that there are still people who want and need the truths of the restored gospel. I know how that sounds, but hear me out. I don't know what it's like for you, but in this brave new A world of constant communication and connection, I have literally watched so many of the people I love and care about, step away from the church or out of the church for various reasons and with varying permanency. While I honor that agency and seek to always put compassion first, I, for one, feel the loss of those church associations pretty acutely sometimes. When I'm overwhelmed by that grief, I simply lose sight of the fact that faith is actually a living and breathing thing. In one breath, we rally around those who are experiencing a transition in their faith, maybe towards doubt or disbelief for a time. And in that same breath, we make space for the truth that there are still those who long to turn with us, to come closer, to understand new truths or remember old ones. There are still people searching, there are still people longing. And we must still speak of Christ with all the breath in our body so that anyone who knows us can know Him, wherever they are in their path. Martin's friends and Dumdi's missionaries lived that way. And I'm trying. I'm really, really trying.  Our final story of turning hearts comes from Monique who had absolutely no intention of letting the gospel into her world. Here's Monique.   Monique  25:21   It didn't take us long to figure out that the town was different. And the reason that it was different was because they were all the same religion, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And we just didn't, we didn't like them, and they didn't particularly like us. And I certainly, as a 10-year-old, didn't want anything to do with the religion. So it was my first week of school, I was at recess on the monkey bars with some friends when a little girl asked me, "Do you feel bad that you live in a bad family?" And I didn't know how to answer that question. I didn't know what she meant. But the reason she asked that was because she saw my dad that day. He's a large man, lots of tattoos. And to that little girl, that was what that meant, was that we were from a bad family.  Growing up, I had friends that would say, I'm not allowed to hang out with you anymore. And, you know, I was a really good kid but it was just because they found out that I wasn't a member of their church. And my siblings are treated the same way, that they are just not quite good enough because they don't go to church. It was hard for me as a little girl, I had a lot of anger and resentment built up, just naturally because of the course that my life had taken and some of the things that I had gone through. I didn't know if I believed in God, it was almost easier to think that He wasn't real because if Ge was, then I was being punished for something, or He didn't love me. It was really hard for me for a long time to understand why my family wasn't good enough to be loved by God.  So fast forward to my junior year and one of the families that I had grown close to through baseball, one of their little boys passed away. He was 10 at the time, and we all rallied together to help this family. And they remember on social media, it was posted that we were going to fast and pray for this family the day of the funeral. I knew enough, I had been around long enough to know what fasting was and to know what prayer was. And I decided that that was something I wanted to join in on. So I fasted that day of his funeral, and I said my first ever personal prayer, and I just wanted the family to be okay. And I wanted understanding. We all went to the funeral. And the dad, who I've known for a really long time, bore testimony of Jesus Christ, of a Savior who made it possible for him to see his son again. And it wasn't a question to him, he was going to see his son again.  Six or seven months later, I had a friend who was serving as mission Arizona, and he had access to Facebook. And he messaged me one day and basically said, "What do you believe?" And my initial reaction was, "What do you want?" But I ended up talking to him and his companions through Facebook Messenger for six or seven months. And just taking the discussions and learning about what Jesus Christ taught. There were so many times where I would pull up my phone, I'd messaged my friend and I tell him, "I can't do this, so and so offended me at school today. They said this, they said that this is what you believe, and I don't want anything to do with it."  He'd say, "Monique, listen. This is what Jesus Christ taught. And this is what we believe. And we are all surrounded by imperfect people, but there's a difference between the people and Christ and what He taught." And it was so important for me to have those experiences where I was like, okay, the doctrine and okay the people and to be able to separate those two for me personally.  So I decided to meet with the missionaries in town, the elders, and they extended the invitation to be baptized. And it was the easiest "Yes" I've ever said. I don't think I fully understood, obviously, I didn't fully understand everything. And I didn't fully understand what I was getting myself into. But I knew it was what I wanted. It was extremely hard on my family, they all love me and were extremely supportive. But I remember my mom crying and saying, "So you don't want me to be a part of your forever? You don't want us to be a part of your forever?" Because that was the understanding that we had, that as a whole we didn't get what everyone else was getting because we weren't members of this church. When she asked me that I was like, "No, that's not what I believe. Like, I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think we had a chance of being together forever." A year after I got baptized, I went on a mission to Texas. It was absolutely the best experience I've ever had. I got home from my mission. And my family was a lot more vocal about their feelings and about how they had been treated. And I guess their feelings about what I was a part of. I have found a lot, so much happiness and hope and peace in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And I'm confident and I know who I am, Heavenly Father's daughter. But it's still so so hard because the ones I love the most don't understand what I'm doing or why I believe what I believe because they're still caught up on a lot of people's stuff. But I trust that truth makes sense. And that phrase has stuck with me. And I go back to it anytime I question anything. And when I'm learning stuff, it's, "Okay, this makes sense." And that doesn't mean that questions aren't going to come up but the answers make sense. And so when my mom asks me, "You don't want me? You don't want us in your forever," that doesn't make sense to me. And so like learning about the doctrine and learning that Christ teaches forever, that makes sense. And that's what propels me forward because I know that we can be together forever. My family and I don't see eye to eye on religion stuff now, and I don't know if we ever will. But I know that Heavenly Father loves us all the same, that we are all His children, and I know how much He loves them. My hope is that I can be a better example, that we all can be better examples for each other. Christ's love is what this gospel really is.   KaRyn Lay  32:21   That was Monique. I'm truly grateful for her willingness to share some of the pain that accompanied her conversion. The turning of our hearts to Christ is a joyful thing. But that doesn't mean that it comes without complexity or nuance. It's an opportunity, a true opportunity for us to be able to hear the reality of life for adult converts beyond that moment in the baptismal font that often carries this sort of mystical quality in the fabric of our cultural storytelling. Stories like Monique's should change us as we minister to the newly converted. How would our succoring and mentoring and loving be a little different if we are more attuned to the possibility that there is most likely a little bit of loss mingled with the newfound joy of a recent convert.  As we've assembled these stories this week, I've been pondering the phenomenon of this thing that we call "conversion stories." We know that our individual conversion is hardly a one-time deal. Conversion, the act of turning to Christ, bending with Christ, is meant to be a lifelong pursuit really, with as many twists and revolutions of our faith as there are days in the year. So what good does sharing the moment of conversion do in our efforts to understand and be reconciled to the long game of discipleship? Well, I haven't fully figured it all out. But this Sunday, I heard something that helped me to understand it a little bit more.  My rescue friend Steve, whom you'll remember from our "To the Rescue" episode, spoke this past Sunday in sacrament meeting. And he reminded me that when emergencies come, and our bodies are flooded with the desire to fight or take flight, we don't recall the thing that we just learned. In those moments, our brains are able to access only what Steve calls our "lowest level of common and consistent training." He then suggested that the same is true of our ability to manage our moments of spiritual duress. The question then becomes not what we'll do when our commitment to Christ is challenged, but rather, what have we already done to secure the lowest levels of our common and consistent spiritual training, so that we don't even have to think about what we're going to do? Well, I submit that we have told our stories. We've shared them, we've written them down, we've committed them to our collective memories. The stories of our moments of conversion, the stories of others moments of conversion, well those become our common and consistent training that we can recall, in duress. This might feel like a stretch, but I promise it isn't. Think about how many times you've used the story of King Lamoni's moment of conversion, or Paul, or any of the other converts in the scriptures to help shore up your spiritual life. We share our conversion stories because then they become part of the community knowledge, they become common among us. And the more we share, the more consistent that information is to our brains in the moments when our discipleship is challenged. We may still have the long road of living a life of conversion ahead, but in that one testing moment, we'll recall a time when we did know. When we felt the peace of the gospel, when our hearts were turned, and we were converted. So if you have a conversion moment, or if you're working towards one—hopefully you'll get there soon—turn it into a story and tell it. It may well be the thing that you or someone you love recalls, and then clings to in the moment of their spiritual duress. That's it for this episode of "This Is the Gospel." Thank you to Jim, Brooke, Dumdi, Martin, and Monique for sharing their moment of their conversion and their faith with us. We'll have links to the videos from our "This Is the Gospel" YouTube series that features the storytellers in our show notes for this episode at LDSliving.com/thisisthegospel. We'll also have a transcript there if you'd like to read these stories. All of the stories on this podcast are true and accurate as affirmed by our storytellers. If you have a story to share, and I know you do, about living the Gospel, help contribute to our lowest level of common and consistent spiritual training by sharing your story. Call our pitch line and leave us a pitch. We often find a lot of our stories from that pitch line and we love to hear how the gospel is blessing your life. Call 515-519-6179 and pitch your story in three minutes or less. If you've loved hearing these true stories from real people, please leave us a review on iTunes and tell all your friends and social networks how "This Is the Gospel" has helped you. We read every review and I really appreciate your willingness to share the good stuff.  This episode was produced by me, KaRyn Lay, with additional story producing and editing by Katie Lambert, Jasmine Mullen, Hayden Paul and Daniel Garcia. It was mixed, scored, and mastered by Mix at Six Studios and our executive producer is Erin Hallstrom. If you want to hear more episodes of the podcast or any of the LDS Living podcasts, we have the "Sunday on Monday" and "All In" podcasts as well, please go to LDSliving.com/podcasts.

Learn more about the content discussed...No Boss Talk:https://nobosstalk.comTim Farrant’s Website: https://networkmarketinghusband.comTim Farrant’s Book: https://www.amazon.com/Shes-Selling-WhatMonday Morning Routine: https://www.bethholdengraves.com/routineThe Camp Elevate Facebook Group:hereBeth’s Instagram:@bethholdengravesBeth’s website:https://www.bethholdengraves.comProfit HER Way Course:https://www.bethholdengraves.com/profitKeynotes discussed:I was really my wife's obstacle for the first few months that she was doing this business. I did not make it easy for her and I've apologized to her for that. And yet she persevere through and she crushed it and she's doing great. (05:01)Getting the husband to understand that compensation plan by someone who's been successful and can answer their questions. (10:01)When we don't include the spouse in that, we're kind of setting ourselves up for more obstacles than we need to or even for failure. (12:57)And so you are going to put in a lot of work early on to build the business and then ultimately as you stick with it and you don't quit, you know, you keep going. Then ultimately the income far exceeds the hours that you're putting in. (17:06)I tell a lot of women when I have opportunities like this, to have these conversations that if your husband or partner believes or thinks that you're going to quit, they're not going to get on board. (20:39)When Did It Air...January 06, 2020Episode Transcript...Beth:Welcome to ‘You’re Not the Boss of Me’. If you are determined to break glass ceilings and build it your way, this show is for you. I’m your host Beth Graves and I am obsessed with helping you to not just dream it, but make the plan, connect the dots and create what you crave. Are you ready? Let’s get started.Hey bosses and welcome back. It is episode number 20 is that so exciting? It is for me. I hope you're as excited as I am. And this week in honor of episode 20 we are doing a giveaway, and this is all you need to do to get boss swag in the mail from us. It's Mandy, my boss that mails it out. So, what you're going to do is leave a rating and review. If you've already left a rating and review, share this on your Facebook or in your Instagram stories and just send me a DM over on Instagram or over on Facebook messenger or sent to our email that's listed in the show notes and just say, I shared it. Let us know how and when. And we will send you our brand-new boss swag that you are going to love. So, I want to read to you from Bridget a review for this week and she says, thank you for this podcast.Beth:I love the energy Beth brings. Every time I listen to her, it seems to be spot on. Always the message I'm needing to hear. And that leaves me anxiously waiting for the next one. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Bridget, for this review and I am hoping that this episode is exactly what you need to hear today. So, without further ado, let me tell you what we're doing on episode number 20 it's a privilege for me to have Tim Farrant with us today. He is the author of, She’s Selling What? a skeptical husband's guide to supporting his network marketing wife. So, he will talk to us about how to have those conversations with your spouse, his story about helping and watching and supporting his wife's Epic rise in network marketing and his own journey from shock and skepticism to understanding and support. And you are going to love the actual ideas and spot on things that he's going to help you to do.Beth:That not only will help your spouse and your family to understand your network marketing journey, but to have a better marriage overall. So here we go with Tim. I can't wait for you to hear his story. Hey everyone. I am so excited today because, well, the last time Tim and I were together, we had like a cosmic disruption in our interview. And as you heard in the intro, Tim is the author of, She's Selling What, and I'm so excited for you to not only hear about how this book and this movement came about, but also most of my listeners, I have a few, a few guys out there. And women, and I hear so often, I'm not sure how to talk to my husband. I didn't really tell him I was doing this thing. And Tim is here to give you guys all of the behind the scenes, how to make sure that it's a partnership to get your spouse on board and also to create something together, not just as you know, you up in your office, your husband downstairs feeling annoyed, irritated and agitated because I've been there. So, Tim, welcome.Tim:Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here.Beth:All right, so we know that your wife has had a meteoric rise in the industry. So, can you take us back at the end? Not the end, but it's like the beginning of the next phase. You have this amazing resource, this book you're speaking at Top Summit. I get to see you there. Yay! And you're all over the place as the network marketing husband, so take us back. You haven't always been the network marketing husband. Give us a little background of how all of this came to be and a little bit about you.Tim:No, that's great. In fact, I would have probably been the anti-network marketing husband when my wife started, which is, you know, where so much of this passion comes from now. So, I remember sitting at the table, like I remember the restaurant we were at, and the table when my wife looked across and I love my wife, I love her to death. We have a great marriage. She looked across the table and she was like, okay, I think I want to do this business. And I literally, it's one of the reasons why I named the book. She's selling what? Cause I literally looked at her and I was like, you want to do what? Like come on. At the time she had another business that she was successful in. And I was just like, seriously, you're going to do this? And to be honest, Beth, it was because I carried with me a bunch of the skepticism, like a U haul truck full of skepticism and all of that with me that a lot of other husbands have and spouses and partners have about the network marketing industry.Tim:And so I was really my wife's obstacle for the first few months that she was doing this business. I did not make it easy for her and I've apologized to her for that. And yet she persevered through and she crushed it and she's doing great. But what we have found is that there's so many spouses that the truth is they end up giving up because their husbands are significant obstacles instead of really being fuel on their fire in their business. And so, my passion is not only for people that have been in business for a while, but especially for newer people to get the spouse on board as soon as possible. And if you can, it will fuel not only your business, but align yourself in marriage in a way that could be really incredible. So anyway, that's my heart and passion.Beth:Okay. So, I'm visualizing the you haul truck and all of the skepticism. And I hear so often, and I, you know, I deal with it all the time myself now, I have such unshakable belief in the mission and what I do and the people that I'm helping, people will say, well, it's easy for you. Well, so some people will say, well, it's easy for Becky. It's easy for Beth and Tim because they've built these ginormous teams and networks. But it's every single day staying, staying like you're a pastor. So, I always say it's staying in the word, staying in the stories, staying with what we see, amazing things happening. I just had somebody send me a silly article, I think, I don't even know. It was in a popular little online magazine about why the network marketing industry is ruining women. And, and again, the skepticism. So, tell me about this is you had a U haul truck full of skepticism.So did my husband, my husband Don, he was supportive, but he was like, Oh yeah, okay. He thought it was me, this little thing, right? And all he said was, Oh, like do you have to pay a monthly fee and how much do you have to order and how long are you going to stick with this? And I was fueled because I, the name of this podcast is, You're Not the Boss of Me. And so as being the youngest of three, I was always trying to prove that I should be the first pick for kickball I could win at tetherball. So, I, I was going to win. They're going to win, but not everyone has that tenacity. I think it was kind of, I think my two older sisters for that, because you know that was my birthright is, I'm going to show you. So, tell me the skepticism is there.Let's walk. Let's, let's just get right down to it. You're listening today, your spouses and on board. You can also use these strategies if it's a parent, if it's a best friend. If you, and I know that you and Becky work with her new distributors when they signed on, so let's call our person Sarah. Sarah's just signed up. She has an incredible experience with the product. She wants to see if she can make a go of it and she doesn't even want to tell her husband that she bought some product to get started. So, walk us through what you would, how you would counsel a new person to bring their spouse, their husband, their boyfriend onboard, and what does that look like?Tim:Yeah, that's really a, it's a good question. One of the things that we do, and even if you don't have no a husband who's supportive with you right now, but you have a team of people, we always engage the husband or partner of the person before they start the business. So if they've already bought some product and they're already ready to go for it, like one of the worst things that you can do is hide it from your husband because if you try and hide it out of the gate, then how does that ultimately end? Right? Like ultimately they're going to figure it out and then when they figure it out, if they already have skepticism, then you saying that, I know I was hiding this from you, but like that's not going to build more trust with them. That's only going to erode it more.So right out of the gate we sit with spouses and we ask them for what their questions are like, let's get it all out there, let's have the conversation. And so, trying to address those concerns right out of the gate is really, really important. Or I would say to the people listening to this, like if you don't feel confident doing that yet with your team as you bring people on it with someone in your upline, right? Someone who's been successful and say, Hey, would you engage my husband as well? And having a conversation. And what we do first that is incredible is we always help the spouse, the husband, the partner, understand the compensation plan. It's so important because until they understand that they have no idea how to talk about the business because we have been trained since we were like 16 years old to trade hours for dollars, which you know, Beth isn't the way this business works?And so getting the husband to understand that compensation plan by someone who's been successful and can answer their questions ultimately, then that even gets more of them on board and they can answer questions and then they begin. I've seen, many times or the husband starts looking at the wife and going, is this what you want to do? Like, why don't we try and go for this rank? Or when, what's your goal to try and get to that? And you start to see them be engaged when they start to get how the business works also.Beth:Absolutely. And one of the pieces that when one of my upline, is also Blair Critch, and they also have a passion for marriage, and she had brought to my attention in the beginning, she said every Sunday night have a family meeting. So, I would sit down and write in understanding the comp plan and the goals. That is so huge. And when we talked the first time before we were interrupted by the thunderstorm and wifi, you had said to me that piece of the comp plan and since we started that when someone new comes aboard, I always say to them, listen, let's schedule a zoom with your husband in the next four days so that we can talk about this first bonus. We'll look at the comp plan, he can ask me questions and I also have had my husband have some personal phone calls without the spouse there because he'll say, let me, you know, let me give them a quick call.And it's really, I've heard back from the people that have engaged with us to say the whole process has reunited them in a way in their marriage, like the beginning, because you're working toward a common goal, you're communicating your sharing. I will say to Don, I will say, here's my goal this month. Here's what I need to do. And I give him permission to push me a bit because you know I do that when I'm, when I'm on a fitness journey right now I'm, I want a Peloton and I could go out and buy one. But I said, okay, this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to run to the red line every day, give it, and we have the goal because we want to redo the garage. So, it's like the network marketing piece. So, the communication of the goal and having that. Now do you bring your kids into, to part of the celebrating of when you reached certain ranks or milestones, do they come into play as well?Tim:Yeah, absolutely they do. And I want to say this to everyone just to summarize what you're saying to Beth because it's so good. We don't like this truth sometimes, but the truth is no other person will impact your success more than your spouse, positively or negatively outside of you. Right? There's no other person that's going to impact your success more than your spouse, whether positive or negative. And so, and that's true for both sides of it. And so, when we don't include the spouse in that, we're kind of setting ourselves up for more obstacles than we need to or even for failure at sometimes. And so, I love the fact that you're getting husbands involved in and having those conversations. It really, really is a huge part. But with the kids, absolutely. So, we do little milestone things with our kids. We have a 13-year-old and a 10-year-old.And so, you know, we do everything with them from vision boards to they know, you know, mom's going for a particular rank this month or a particular goal. So, we're all going to sacrifice. And then, you know, when we get to the end of it, we've done like mini shopping sprees with them or when it's been really big. We've taken a trip together and it's fun because when your kids know that, especially if they're younger, if your kids know that, they're like pushing my wife, you know their mom also, where they're like, mom, how's it going with the goal? And you want some accountability and your goals, get your spouse and kids involved. They will hold you accountable, you know, if there's kind of a carrot or prize on the other side for sure.Beth:Oh absolutely. For sure. They love that piece. I have an almost empty nest and so when I started in network marketing, I had one in junior high and one in high school. Donnie was in junior high and McKenzie was in high school and we did that. We looked at, okay, and this is what I'm working toward. And I was really clear too, we talk a lot on this podcast, him about not dropping the glass balls, your spiritual life, your family life, your health goals, because all of those pieces have to be a part of your success with your business. And so having the communication with your spouse of like, Hey, this week, and I told I have a retreat this coming weekend and it's been planned and we talked about is this a good time, is this, how does this work with our son's schedule? How does this work with your schedule and feeling as though it's a team effort and the goals and they are all a part of the whole family piece.So I want to back up because something just came to me. I was looking at my notes before I got on of frustrations that I've heard from women that are starting in the business of helping that spouse to unpack that U Hall of skepticism. So, I always like to let people know like here are the reasons why the network marketing industry is good for women, especially women who want flexibility and freedom to perhaps be at home with their kids to not have that glass ceiling. What I saw when I first got started is I didn't have to figure out a distribution channel or build out a technology platform or hire a marketing team or HR, the zillion things that our family business had us doing because building a traditional business requires all of those things and all I had to do was talk to people, share the love of the product, share the company, build community and culture. Those were the pieces. It was like, I could start making money from day one. What are some of the ways that you help spouses to understand when they have that skepticism? Oh, nobody makes money in these businesses. Oh yeah, blah blah blah. What are, what are your go to points?Tim:Yeah, yeah absolutely. Because it's a huge issue. I mean some guys come into it and they think their wives should make like thousands of dollars the first month or if not it's a scam of some kind. You know? And I think one part is definitely understanding the compensation plan so that they have that as a framework for their, just their knowledge and understanding of how it all works. So that's a big one. But also, like you got to explain to your spouse and help them understand that building a business like they can't expect year 10 results on a month one business. Like it's not going to happen. And so, you are going to put in a lot of work early on to build the business and then ultimately as you stick with it and you don't quit, you know, you keep going. Then ultimately the income far exceeds the hours that you're putting in.But it's real work, like it's hard. And so, having that conversation early on for them to understand this is going to be difficult. So, I always encourage women that are coming into the business and starting their business to look at their husband and just literally look in the eyes and say, would you support me for six months? Would you please support me in this for six months? I'm not asking you for like the rest of your life, but for six months because it's going to take time and it's going to take hard work and I'm not going to make a bunch of money early on. But that's the way a business works. And obviously the lower investment, right? Like you said, not the complication and the lower investment to get a business is what makes network marketing such an incredible opportunity for so many people. So, is that, does that answer the question, Beth?Beth:Yep. And I love, I love that piece of it. If I went to my husband and said, listen, I want to go back to school and become a physician's assistant. That's what my sister did when she was 35 years old. So, did she make money right out of the box? No, she invested. I mean, you're going to make money right away in network marketing. You can start earning while you learn. But I like to say that. So, we always hear, Oh, she became a six-figure earner. She became this, she became that. And so, people think it's immediate success like you said. And so, I always say, what would happen if you invested five years? You said one, and I would say if I told you that showing up consistently, and maybe we did people, I always say, how much time do you have to invest?Well, okay, so a teacher that's making $1,000 a week or $1,500 become much time. Is she investing and preparing her lesson plans? How much time do you invest in preparing your sermons and working with your youth groups and helping everything in the church? So, I always say that the time commitment will reflect the income. And also, there's a piece of it too that we have to look at. People don't get lucky that some people walk in and have a larger network. Like Becky walked in and she had a blog following, right? She had people that were, that were curious and interested in what she was doing. She still had to have conversations, but someone that might have just started on social media or just started marketing will have a different path.So I'm always saying keep your blinders on, believe it can be you ask for spiritual guidance, always right? As for, I always say in my prayers in the morning, I take action with faith and clarity. Who will I serve today? And then having the spouse on board, the family on board, and being exceptionally coachable. These are like all pieces. So when you see someone that comes in into your space and wants to have you, we're going to talk about one last thing and wants to have you talk to their spouse and they're excited, they've got belief, they're ready to go, they've got the desire, and then it doesn't go as planned. The success isn't immediate. How do you then revisit, do you revisit that conversation? Because the last piece is commitment to go until no matter what. So, can you talk a little bit about commitment as a family, what you've seen with some of the couples that you've worked with?Tim:Yeah. In fact, I also, I tell a lot of women when I have opportunities like this, to have these conversations that if your husband or partner believes or thinks that you're going to quit, they're not going to get on board. And if you're just objective about it, can you blame them? Right. Like if you, if the tables were returned and they wanted to start something, but they were always, you know, complaining or they weren't putting in the work or they weren't setting the goals or they just were super negative or whatever it is, you would look and say, are you about to quit this? You know, and so your mindset on even the person building the business to say, I'm not going to quit. I'm going to keep building this. I'm going to keep going. Builds faith in your husband, builds faith in your kids.And when that's there, of course they're more likely to get around it and to keep going. And when you are struggling, reach out to, again, someone in the upline or someone on your team to have the conversation with you and your spouse. So, to sit together with both of you again and say, okay, so you set some goals and they weren't there. Well let's revisit it. Like you said that, is it the time you're putting in, you know, did you have too high of expectations of how much time you could put in or do you need to readjust some things? You can put some more time in, you know, what are those income producing activities? Are you doing them or are you not doing them? And having that honest conversation with the both of them together helps again, just realign, re-establish a baseline, and then setting new goals together and then helping them run towards that for a season. So, the struggle happens when those conversations happen in a silo and the spouses aren't talking with each other because that's not going to build more alignment and trust with them.Beth:And this is a big piece too, is not bringing the negativity and that using the second, then we open ourselves up for the complaining, the negativity, the doubt, and using your spouses as kind of the punching bag for that. Then they're like, well, this isn't making you happy. So, making sure that positive mindset, let's jump to you dealt with this personally. You started to see it in Becky's business. You started to see that there was really a need to educate, to inform, to support the spouses. So, you jumped into a book project, talk about the book, how can people get their hands on it and share a little more about that journey. I love it. I've read it, I've shared it. It's in my, when I send out a new person, joins my team personally, they get a package from me and that is always inside of there. It's kind of like the fab fit and fun box. That's one of my pieces inside of their welcome box. So, share a little bit more about your book and where people can get their hands on that. And you know that was a huge project for you.Tim:Yeah, it was a huge project and now we're having this conversation. We're seeing how marriages were being hurt, women were giving up. And so, I couldn't understand why nobody else was addressing or talking about this or getting resources. And so, after several months of like me personally wrestling and like fighting with God, because I felt a calling to write this book, you know, and I didn't want to, and I got enough going on in my life. Like all of that, I ended up, you know, writing this book. And I mean literally thousands of people and thousands of husbands that have gotten their hands on it, you know, weekly. Now I'm getting messages from people whose marriages are being helped and businesses are growing because of it. And it's just been a humbling, humbling journey and we'll see where this all goes. But my heart and passion for it is to see women build more successful businesses and see their marriages and families thrive in the process. So, you can get the book anywhere you can get on Amazon or Barnes & Noble or anywhere you want as well as I record it on audible. And so that was a big part cause a lot of husbands don't read. And so, guys are engaging it and it's just been received really, really well. And I'm humbled to be a part of it.Beth:Well, I thank you so much for that resource for thousands and thousands of spouses that just needed to hear and have it in their audible when they're walking the dogs when they're at the gym and also for that push to create conversations and to create a way to bring the whole family on board. So, it's huge in my business as a shift to help spouses. It's also brought to light that when someone comes aboard, we don't have that in our onboarding process. That question, and I've added it. Tell me about your family. Tell me about the support. What, what does support look like for you? So, I like to leave everyone with a good question. And that question I always would say to say each week is how does support look? And being able to ask to ask your spouse to say, listen, this is what support looks like for me and what you need from me.Like have that open level of conversation instead of being reactive, be proactive. I know that when life feels aligned for my family, it's when I'm in a proactive state, when I've really, really blocked my calendar. When I'm not running from here and they're trying to be on the phone, having a conversation with my spouse, checking messages. I always say this, Tim, be wherever your feet are, if you're with your spouse, be with your spouse, not with your team on your phone. If you're with your kids, be with your kids and block that time and there will not be resentment if you are so mindful of that time being spent and go to the date night, keep your phone in your purse, your team will survive, right? So, I want to end with three ways. I'm just throwing this out at you. Three ways that you can tell people to keep their marriage alive and vibrant while building a successful network marketing business.Tim:Oh, you're asking me three ways. Three ways. I thought you were…I was waiting for you to give the magical three ways Beth. Three ways. Okay. Three ways to keep your marriage alive while you're, okay, so you said this, but one is definitely a regular date night, right? Regular date night, family night. You got to do it. You got to carve out the time. Like you just said, your team will survive, and your spouse won't resent you. So that's number one. Number two, you have to include your spouse. We've talked a lot about that in this, but the spouse, can I talk about this a ton in the book? Like the spouse can't just sit on the sidelines and just observe from afar your business, they got to have a couple of small contributions. You got to share the wins with them. Ultimately, you want for your wins to become his wins as well as you go through this.So there's got to be some, some contribution on their part. And then, let's see, what's a third one? Oh, this is so good. Okay. You've got to treat your spouse. You got to be the spouse that you want your spouse to be. So just kind of an overall, as you're building this business, flip the script and say, you know, how would I want my spouse to react when this is going on? Or if, or if I was building a business and things weren't going like maybe you had even hoped, like how would I hope my spouse would respond and then respond that way or what would I hope they would do if the tables were turned and then act that way with them as you're going through this process, because it's a journey and building a business is hard. Anybody that's going to tell you that building any type of business is easy is lying to you.Beth:Amen to that. It's hard and I love it. You want to be, that's huge for sure. Marriage, longevity. I'm going on 25 years of being married. I love those pieces and yes, it is hard and be the spouse you want to be. And here's one that I'm going to add to it, because I didn't do this in the beginning and this just came to mind is, you know, you get teams on the West coast, she get teams in London and I would go up to my office at night and I would, you know, work and he would go to bed without me. And so I'm going to add that there may be one night a week that you're working on a different time zone, but 99% of the time, shut down, create a boundary around your time together and, and go to bed at the same time.Like have that ritual of whatever that because that's where you start to feel that disconnection. And so that's been a big piece in terms of being the spouse that I wanted to have was how would I have felt if he was working all night, didn't come downstairs and check on me. And they hear you in your office, you're on zooms, you're laughing. You know? So that shifted a year ago and I felt this complete reconnection. And so, I appreciate that so much. Be the spouse that you want to be. So, Tim, any closing thoughts you have for our podcast listeners today?Tim:No, I think this has been great. I just want to encourage everybody, and I know you do this Beth, and it's been part of your journey as well, but if you make it to the end and you've been super successful in your business, but you turn around and your marriage and family is in a destructive place, you haven't won and you haven't been successful. A definition of success, somebody shared with me years ago, success is when the people closest to you respect you the most. And so yes, you need to build a business. Yes, you need to work on it, but you really can do it in a way that you see your marriage and your families thrive in the process. And so, I guess maybe that's the closing thought.Beth:That is a perfect closing thought. Thank you so much Tim, for being with us today and grab his book, Amazon and Barnes & Noble. There's still time for you guys to get tickets to the Top Summit. It's in February, it's in Naples. Go to the topsummit.com you'll be able to hear Tim and Becky speak onstage on this very topic. I'll also be speaking on another topic, but it's a whole lot of fun. I don't even want to give a sneak peek, but it has to do with finding your spouse, but we're relating it to how you find the perfect recruit network marketing, so it's going to be a whole lot of fun. And Tim, thank you and I will see you in February and real life.Tim:Absolutely.Beth:All right, cool. Hey, you guys, check out the podcast next week because it is going to be something you don't want to miss. I have another exceptional guest who is also an author and we will catch you guys all next Monday.Thanks so much for hanging with me today on the podcast and remember, you can create what you crave. If you're looking for a supportive sisterhood, I would love to see you over in our free Facebook group. As most of you know, I love camp. It's part of, 'You're Not the Boss of Me' because when we're building this thing, we're doing this thing. We need a supportive sisterhood and I also crave more fun and more connection. Join us at camp over in the Facebook world, thecampelevategroup.com or just click on the link above and we will see you around our campfire and help you to create what you crave.

On this episode I review all the highlights of 2019 for the Sox & Sandals pod. I highlight many episodes, starting with episode 85 with my wife. In the conversation we discussed the good, the bad, and the ugly in our 7 years of marriage. I also highlight Episode 96 with my guy Torrey Dooley aka Mad Hadda The Hood Nurse, ep 103 (Egyptology) with Kara Cooney, the Nikki Giovanni & James Baldwin 1971 conversation episodes, etc... It's been a year full of such good content and conversations. When I'm looking back at everything I'm thoroughly impressed. I rarely take time to bask in the ambiance of my work, but I'm I took a break to stop and smell the roses.

When I'm in LA, there's a chance I'll feel like a fish out of water. EXACTLY like Axel Foley in Beverly Hills Cop. I'm going to feel just like him. Avenging a friends murder / doing comedy. Same same. Hopefully I'll also be able to talk my way into secured warehouses and have buddies who are good at shootin'!

I’ve learned a lot about the Bay Area from Uber drivers since I moved here a few years ago. Some of them are relatively new arrivals, like me, but others have watched the region change dramatically over the last few years. When I'm stuck in a car with a stranger at the wheel, I've been surprised by how personal conversations can get.  So in 2017, producer Katie Bishop and I took our microphones and recording gear along on a bunch of Uber rides all around the Bay Area. The company has been in the news a lot, but we set out to learn more about the drivers and what keeps them on the road. We talked about money, competition from other drivers and how they spend their long hours driving and waiting for rides. They also told us about domestic violence, grave plot sales, and the long ripples of the financial crisis. And we heard why one Pakistani driver has decided it's better to not talk to his passengers. Today, we're bringing you those conversations again.

Bottled-in-Bond. It’s one of the revolutionary moments of American history, but has also become near and dear to many bourbon drinkers with good reason. We covered the in and outs of bottled-in-bond with Bernie Lubbers back on Episode 089 and it's part of our Bourbon 101 podcasts. Since we know why bottled-in-bond is important, it’s time to find out who Bourbon Pursuit is going to claim as the best bottled in bond bourbon in 2019! We blind sample our way through 12 heavy weight contenders and put them in the Bottled-in-Bond Showdown. Who is going to be crowned champion? Listen and find out. Show Partners: * Hotel Distil on historic Whiskey Row is set to open October 29th in Downtown Louisville. Book now to experience it for yourself at HotelDistil.com. * The University of Louisville now has an online Distilled Spirits Business Certificate that focuses on the business side of the spirits industry. Learn more at uofl.me/pursuespirits. * At Barrell Craft Spirits, they spend weeks choosing barrels to create a new batch. Joe and Tripp meticulously sample every barrel to make sure the blend is absolutely perfect. Find out more at BarrellBourbon.com. * Receive $25 off your first order at RackHouse Whiskey Club with code "Pursuit". Visit RackhouseWhiskeyClub.com. * Distillery 291 is an award winning, small batch whiskey distillery located in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Learn more at Distillery291.com. Show Notes: Elijah Craig Launching Kentucky Straight Rye Whiskey: https://www.instagram.com/p/B3wt1feHdlZ/ Amazon Gin: https://www.beveragedaily.com/Article/2019/10/21/Amazon-launches-its-own-spirits-brand-Tovess This week’s Above the Char with Fred Minnick talks about premium pricing. What is Bottled-in-Bond? Blind tasting of the following (in no particular order): Heaven Hill Bottled-in-Bond 7yr Henry McKenna Single Barrel Bottled-in-Bond George Dickel Bottled-in-Bond Old Bardstown Bottled-in-Bond Old Grand Dad Bottled-in-Bond 1792 Bottled-in-Bond Evan Williams Bottled-in-Bond Jim Beam Bottled-in-Bond JW Dant Bottled-in-Bond Early Times Bottled-in-Bond New Riff Bottled-in-Bond Wilderness Trail Bottled-in-Bond 0:00 I love bourbon, but I'm not ready to restart my career in be a distiller. I have a bachelor's degree and I want to continue to use those skills in the whiskey industry. So check this out. The University of Louisville now has an online distilled spirits business certificate that focuses on the business side of the spirits industry like finance, marketing and operations. This is perfect for anyone looking for more professional development. And if you ever want to get your MBA their certificate credits transfer into Ul's new online MBA program. Learn more about this online program at U of l.me. Slash pursue spirits. How fast can you go through like 15 Bourbons? I'd be done. Now if you aren't asking me so many questions. 0:55 Welcome back. It's Episode 224 of bourbon pursuit. I'm wanting to host And here's your weekly bourbon news roundup. Last Thursday, heaven Hill announced Elijah Craig is launching their Kentucky straight rye whiskey. This is made from heaven hills only right Nashville which is 51% rye, 35% corn and 14% malted barley, the same Nashville that you're going to see for Rittenhouse as well as Pikeville with an SRP of only 2999 Elijah Craig Kentucky straight rye whiskey will first launch unlimited markets of North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia and Oregon in January of 2020. Now, when you hear about a release like this, we typically hear about most people, especially in Kentucky, being kind of upset about its lack of market penetration. So we actually reached out to our contacts at heaven Hill to see what the response was. And this was a decision by the brands to focus on markets based on a variety of needs. This could be from building a brand on premise competitiveness and a particular market or too slow roll a product based on age inventory. For this release, there was no one single reason but you can read more about this post on Instagram with the link in our show notes. Jim Murray's whiskey Bible has announced that last week his top whiskey of 2020 was 1792 full per second was the 2018 William drew Weller and third was the 2018 Thomas HND, meaning that Sazerac swept all top three whiskeys of the world for Jim Murray's whiskey Bible. Now continue on the trend of Buffalo Trace, they are also releasing their next installment in the old charter oak series called Canadian oak. In late 2018, Buffalo Trace announced its old charter oak series, it's a collection exploring the different taste profiles of barrels obtained from trees grown in different countries, climates and soils. For this newest release, Buffalo Trace obtained a small number of barrels from Canada and filled them with mash number one. This is the same Nashville us for Buffalo Trace and Eagle rare Canadian oak trees differ from a American oak trees that they are harder and have tighter grain structure, which affects the bourbon as it ages. The old charter oaks Canadian oak was aged for 10 years and will be available in retail in late October. The suggested retail price will be 6999. While we're talking about new releases, let's not forget about angel's envy and their annual cask strength release. angel's envy cast drink begins West standard angel's envy bourbon, it's made with a Nashville of 72% corn, 18%, rye and 10% malted barley, aged first in new charred oak barrels, but finished in barrels at once held port wine. As these barrels are tasted throughout the year. A few are set aside to age longer MB bottled at cash drink for its special annual release. This year's release will clock in at 122.4 proof with seven different ages as port finished bourbon of 689 10 1314 and 15 years old, that are missing To create this final blend, the bottle will come in a packaged in a wooden Art Deco style box for a suggested retail price of around $200. And the last release we're going to talk about isn't actually bourbon. It's not actually even whiskey. It's a gin and it's called tow service. And it's only available in the United Kingdom, France and Germany. This is a big deal because the owner of this brand is none other than Amazon. Yes, Amazon is getting into the spirits business. And this is now available to order online@amazon.co.uk this is another one of those things that we may see as a small ripple but could potentially end up being a tidal wave years down the road. You can read more about this with the link to beverage daily com in our show notes. Bottled in bond. It's one of the revolutionary moments of American history but has also become near and dear to the hearts of many bourbon lovers and with good reason. We covered the ins and outs of bottle and bond with Bernie lovers back on episode 89, and it is also part of our bourbon one on one podcast on our website. But now, since we know why bottle and bond is important, let's move on to what bourbon pursuit is going to claim as the best bottled in bond bourbon in 2019. We take a total of 12 heavyweight contenders and put them in a blind and what we're calling the bottled in bond showdown who's going to pull ahead and become the champion this year? Well, just wait and find out. All right, let's get down to it. Here's Joe from barrel bourbon. And then you've got Fred Minnick with above the char. 5:36 Hi, Joe from barrell bourbon here, myself and our master distiller triple Stimson spend weeks choosing barrels to create a new batch. We meticulously sample every barrel make sure the blend is absolutely perfect. lift your spirits with barrell bourbon. 5:50 I'm Redman Aiken. This is above the char this week's idea comes from Patreon subscriber Brian Shabbat. He asks should bourbon enthusiasts stop complaining and embrace premium pricing for premium bourbon. MacAllan. 25 year old for $2,000 is acceptable. But 1500 for Pappy 20 is considered price gouging. Brian also wants to know what's the possible economic implications for premium pricing. Now this story really goes it's really goes back to the 1960s when bourbon is kind of changing its business model up until the 1960s. You saw bottled in bond bourbon and even straight bourbon is really kind of competing with scotch as a premium on the shelf even cognac so cognac would have been you know another brand he's would have been considered the creme de la creme and scotch and bourbon were kind of, you know, neck and neck scotch was also dubbed more blends they were so this was when scotch was predominantly a blended category. Now the 1960s scotch starts going toward a more premium ization and they focused on single malts, while bourbon decided to do things like lower their proof points from like 100 or 107, to 86 and 80. And they started becoming the everyday man's whiskey. And so they were basically setting the market up to take on the blue collar workers, the people who were fixing sinks and doing construction and in the military, everything that they were doing was really geared around people who had a budget. Well, scotch was focusing on the people on Wall Street and bankers and people who own businesses. They put a lot of effort into, you know, building this esteem. At the same time, they were also putting away whiskey. They were putting away a lot of whiskey, though at age up to you know, 50 years and today we see him coming on the market for a million or more at auction. Now today, bourbon is so popular that distilling have had to increase your prices to kind of deal with demand and it's often gets pushed back. And there's one brand that always comes out as unpopular in this conversation. And that's Pappy Van Winkle. Now, when we when Brian asked about 1500 dollars for Pappy 20 it always has to be pointed out that the distillers are not the one setting that price that is not the MSRP for Pappy Van Winkle. And so the argument can be made that the MSRP is for these premium Bourbons don't necessarily reflect what people are willing to pay. So the question is, should people increase their suggested retailers price? Yeah, I don't know. I think it's still pretty cool to have a glimmer of hope that maybe you can get a bottle of four roses limited edition for the MSRP of 100 or 150, or whatever it is versus 500 to 1500 that you'll find it in some retail stores, but it also gives bourbon a little bit of a black guy. As It's never good to increase prices 200 400 600% year after year after year, and that's essentially what's happening right now. So there is a way to increase prices, and I just don't know what the best way is. scotch on the other hand, doesn't seem to be short of those million dollar bottles anytime soon. And that's this week's above the char. Hey, if you have an idea for above the char become a Patreon subscriber and share with me your ideas you can check us out at bourbon pursuit on Patreon. Until next week, cheers 9:41 Welcome back to another episode of bourbon pursuit the official podcast of bourbon and today Yeah, yeah boy. We are the trio we're back here again with an awesome as can be a fun episode. But first, you know, I gotta say that shout out to hotel distil. This is where we're recording today. We're actually in the barrel room here and this is located on historical Whiskey row is going to be opening on November 1 here in downtown Louisville. It's going to be a place that has, you know, first we talked about it on the last podcast, it is used to be the home of JTS Brown. It's got an exciting history and it's now transformed into this beautiful beautiful space. So it's going to be designed to really ignite your passion for discovery and will be the anchor for levels revitalization and refinement of bourbon culture. You can book a your true authentic experience and stay at Hotel distil.com 10:31 So is it that is it is it is very nice. 10:34 Yeah, very sweet. Excited now I'm excited to kind of see what's going to happen if you're watching this on video they talked about so they haven't these barrels behind us and they've got taps on them they're gonna be having barrel aged tap cocktails like right here with inside of this room. So I'm kind of I'm kind of stuck. Yeah, they 10:48 will actually be aging in the barrel. They're going to be in like a sleeve or a bladder, because that's the only way you can technically do that legally. 10:58 Like Like a bottle of wine. So They'll 11:00 be they will be pre like Franzia. Yes, it's like the bag. 11:04 Yep, front front. 11:06 The back before 11:09 I've done it on a boat once or twice. Yeah. So if you've never played that game before, ask somebody that has a boat on the lake in front. Franzia. 11:17 Alright, so that's the bag. Let's go 11:19 All right, let's go. So what we're gonna do today is we're going to slap the bottle and bond This is going to be the bottled in bond showdown. So we are selecting what we can find as one of our favorites have 12 different bottle of bond every day and I think we got one that's outside of Kentucky we got one George decal, but the other ones these are all Kentucky. And you know, this was a combination of grabbing stuff in our basements heading to go into the liquor store and, and, and finding these and, you know, I think it's gonna be kind of fun to kind of go through this because, you know, Ryan, I'm the I'm going to test your knowledge real quick because you know, we've We've talked about bottle on the bottom on the show before we've had Bernie lovers on give folks an understanding of what the bottle and Bond Act and what it was really there for. Gosh, I 12:09 feel like that's a Fred question. I don't know. 12:12 I'm gonna put you on the spot here. Let's let's do flex some 12:14 civil so we'll get it we'll get him back. Okay. Well you know it has to be at least four years old right? 12:19 Huh? 12:20 It has to state the distilling season. Is that right? I don't know if it's 12:27 distilled in a singer to be distilled in a seagulls 12:29 Yeah. Okay. See I've already got it wrong keep going 100 proof obviously as being bonded warehouse now obviously. The what else am I missing? 12:41 So it has to be distilled at one distillery in one distilling? $1 one. Okay. And has to be 100 proof at least four years old. Gotcha. 12:50 Yep. So I hit them all. You 12:52 hit all the major points and then they need to disclose the the distillery and all that stuff where it's bottled. Yeah. And this is it. This is a Guys, I, I know we see this on the bottle and we look at it for like quality purposes. But I want people to realize how important the bottle and Bond Act of 1897 was it First of all, Grover Cleveland signed this into law. This was his last thing he signed in his in his first term. And he was the, you know, the bottle and Bond Act was really our very first consumer protection legislation as a country. So now we have all these protection measures to help us as consumers and it really begins with bottled in bond with the government trying to protect us from bad whiskey. And then, but medicinal circles and it's important to note that they've had a lot of backlash like the blenders and the rectifier. Canadian whiskey makers were very much against the bottle of Bond Act. So this was one of the first times that the Kentucky distillery community banded together for a single cause and that was to get this passed. Now they just Sue each other. 13:55 They still help each other here and there but they still reasonable This is a 14:00 true part of part of the game. Now the way I feel like I'm looking at the longest shot ski ever, like I feel like I'm about to do like my 21st birthday it is we've got we've got 12 different Bourbons that are lined up and these were, these were ones, you know, we've got one that is kind of the newest addition to this, which is the new seven year old bottle and bond. And you know, there was, it was funny because I was actually going trolling to the liquor store last night and I was I was actually flabbergasted. I was like, man, I forgot how many bottle of bond Bourbons there were out there. And then Natalie that is a great values to well, and that's what they usually are typically good values. But you know, some of the ones I selected, you know, I was going through and I was looking, you know, there were also you know, there's there's bottle of bonds that are coming from Oregon and other places. But I said let's focus on some of the stuff that's pretty regional that or should I say not regional, but pretty national can be found on a national level. at the same exact time. You know, there's also a lot of Bourbons out there that are hundred proof, but it doesn't actually say bottled in bond or bond. The word bond is not on the package. So I just overlooked it and said we'll go on that Yeah. And then you know probably there's there's probably two more that should be in here that just couldn't bring it to get our hands on it because this is Louisville and people go crazy because it's bourbon is the EH Taylor brands so the small batch and the single barrel are not a part of this big idea. I saw that bottle and I was going to bring it in but I was like, I'm not gonna share that those fuckers 15:25 I'm kidding go the value for giving me the other side of this is we didn't choose any of the highly allocated releases. You know, the old Fitzgerald spring and fall releases the Parkers 24 year bottom bond also we also didn't bring any media samples. So these are all things that we actually physically purchased and that's very important to note because most competitions are they get their whiskey from the supplier, so the distilleries will send it into the competition. So these are guaranteed all have came from a retailer. 15:58 Well, Justin full full disclosure this seven Hill bottle and bond did come from heaven Hill really this was the media sample they sent everything else though has been purchased by us in some way in some way shape shape or fashion it's a it all goes in the bourbon pursuit credit card 16:15 right that's right so so that's why we're not getting checked on this person. 16:21 Alright, so let's go ahead Well, we got we got 12 to go through so we'll dive in kind of start with the first kid I 16:27 remember we I said wanted to talk a little bit about the the 16:32 smell my glasses, so I'm just trying to make sure that there's the same because they're not number. First of all this tasting is is is flawed because we don't have the same glass for every one of them. So we will now have to like take into account some of them are neat pores are neat glasses. I would say we've got 95% majority Fiverr and the Glen Campbell and Karen but this is that this is close enough. 16:57 fault brought the nega Lazarus That's the only thing I can tribute it was the wrong glass. 17:02 But it's okay but so that's the it's the only thing and this is this is actually a pretty small flight for like a for like a blind tasting this is all blind we don't know what we know that these brands report but we don't know in what order and as we're tasting you know we're gonna find out what we gotta gotta eliminate all you gotta eliminate and everything but I think we should we should also give our notes to the audience as we're as we're thinking. 17:27 Absolutely. So we'll go with number one I you know, for me, I'm going to be excited to kind of see how this is going to go down because what, two years in a row, Fred's over there talking about Henry McKenna being the best there is in the world and yet now we're let's see, now we're going to now we're going to 17:43 that was in that was in a competition by the way, I was just one Judge of like, 40. Now I'm one of three. 17:51 We're narrowing it down. We're making the competition better though. 17:54 The first one, I'm definitely picking up some grainy notes. 18:00 These are gonna be Yeah, they're all gonna be young. 18:02 So when they're gonna, you know, there's there's definitely going to be some 18:06 that are. Most of 18:08 them I'd say are probably for younger, right, you know, we brought in. They can't be younger than for for older. Yeah, yeah. So the one thing that I think is we're going to find unique as we go through here is there's gonna be one that's going to be sort of an outlier. And that's going to be the 1792. Because the bottle and bond that the 1792 pick is actually a store selection, right? So it is a single barrel, it's a one off, it's not going to be some of the the normal 1792 UCO. Let's just 18:36 take that I know what do we want to do are we want to rank them one through three, or we want 18:40 to say best, I'd say you pick your top three. 18:43 Let's pick our top three. Okay, so by tasting number one, I'm eliminating it from my round, it's just too grainy. It's very alcohol forward. 18:52 If you were to if you were to try to pinpoint number one 18:54 and number two, number two, if it's not the decal one 18:59 I'll be sure Then you shouldn't be at San Francisco anymore. Yeah, 19:04 that's number two's nose. Yeah, 19:06 that's, that's deco all right? Yeah. But you know, and the thing is like, this was a the decal is a recent entrant to the market. And I think it's it's gone over fairly well with the community of people that are, you know, getting into it trying Tennessee bourbon and stuff like that. And so there is an opportunity to actually have George tickled, so be a part in here. 19:27 So what's our teen year in it? 19:28 So this is so this George decal doesn't have an age statement on it. They do have it they have a 13 year release. Okay. And this is the non age dated version though. Yeah. 19:40 actually enjoy it. 19:41 Yeah, I mean, one one thing I would say about decal Is it is it is often flawed and competition because it that particular note, that kind of like morality, the Flintstones a note really can stand out in a bad way for a taste Yeah, so if you're in if you're tasting a sea of things that are very Carmel forward and vanilla, and you get that note it can be very off putting or it can be very good and can help it stand out and yeah, so it's like it's one of those it's either love it or hate it in competition. 20:16 Yeah, that one I didn't get the vitamin D on the front end but it's really there on the finish 20:21 on I would recommend I would recommend Also make sure you rent when you get like some of that lingering, 20:26 lingering taste in your mouth and kind of rinse it out. Yeah, I could see that. I mean so frightening number one was read. 20:32 Just Yes. 20:33 I would say if I'm if I'm and this is the hardest part of a blind tasting is picking out what it is right. But I would say it's definitely one of the younger ones. I probably put it in a league of like JW dance or, you know, maybe, maybe the Evan Williams but I don't know. 20:52 Okay, kind of the month ago, it had like a cinnamon spice finish that I usually get an old old markdowns, maybe that could be way off. 21:00 I'll tell you to it it is like, if you're focusing on what it is instead of right what is best in the flight, then you're not then you're not focusing on the tasting. So I will will start I would recommend like trying to like figure out what they are later because that can actually be fun and I'm already 21:18 moving on to number three is notebooks like a notebook so you can pick one of them just said negative negative that's how I that's how I did it. 21:26 Now I just moved on to number three now I love the nose on number three I thought of this that's great care Marburg can move forward. Yeah, nice to the taste ended up being a little I don't want to say bitter but kind of thinned out and a little astringent towards the end. So I like you give the thumbs up in the nose. The taste is like in the middle and the finishes kind of 21:47 blow I actually think the the the palates got it like this kind of a cool lady. That's got like a KoolAid aftertaste. 21:55 Yeah, like fake sugar. Yeah, like, kinda it's process flight. Kinda we hack Kool Aid packs like when you take a Crystal Light pack and just 22:05 you just spoon Did you forgot to 22:07 put water in it? 22:08 Three put three is a maybe 22:12 it's a maybe 22:14 it's a maybe it's a maybe when we go down here and 22:17 there's a chance 22:18 there's it there is a chance that it could it could go somewhere. Yeah. So Fred kind of talk about, you know, when we got all these bottles of bonds up here. I know you've got a you've got a hard on from McKenna a little bit, but kind of 22:33 blind tasting candy. There was 22:36 help. That's what he told 22:37 me. It'd be like a $10,000 scotch. Wow, it's just one vote in that I'm bad at them. 22:43 You know, I guess Fred, you know, one one new entrant that we actually have up here that I think is might hopefully blow some socks off. And it's kind of a riff, new riff, right, 22:54 focus on what it is focus on the whiskey. No, 22:56 no, no, but I kinda want to talk about you know, new riff and You know how they got late You guys are just like we're trying to work here. He's like 23:08 now I'm gonna think it's a new roof now. 23:10 Well, I mean, I just kind of want to talk about you know, their bottom and bond, you know, coming into the market and actually having that be their first entrant. Right and I think wilderness trail did the same 23:18 exact number four was new rip and while he's talking about it just happened to be it now. 23:25 Now that I actually do like number four, I gotta days like new roof. 23:31 I like butterscotch kinda like no 23:33 it's like he planted 23:35 like a cinnamon note on the back of 23:37 their cinnamon but it's like a lot of 23:40 it it's got that fried pie crust that I love fried pie crust man you got you got some awesome tasty between you and Ryan I I gotta I gotta up my game on it that's for sure. You've got to eat a lot. That's why do eat 23:52 a lot. The thing is, is none of its fake. I know people want to say like it's it's hate but this is like I mean I've really trained and stuff And really tried to connect to everything I've ever tasted. And it all goes back to when I'm trying to get better from Iraq and I was using mindfulness techniques and tasting and I would use to one of my therapy things was I would break down what barbecue potato chips tasted like and felt like on my tongue and that would help keep me grounded and I just applied that to bourbon and so that's kind of been my my technique. 24:25 So start off with going down your local local grocery aisle finding different kinds of chips and pulling the real thing Yeah, and you mean you got to gain 10 pounds automatic 24:36 the risky take 24:37 grab like 10 varieties of fried apple pies, you know those? 24:40 Well, I'll grab 10 different varieties of like hot pockets and we'll start 24:43 right then you're born You 24:46 know, I'm not a hot soccer guy now back in college Pop Tarts and like crucibles Yeah. 24:50 You know, I used to be I did love toasters turtles because you get to design your own art on there. Yeah. 24:56 Oh man. But the thing is, is like with the Pop Tarts like I only go two flavors. It's brown sugar, cinnamon and then the wild berry like those are the only two that I would actually go for beyond that, like I'm not a strawberry jam person like, clones 25:09 never really did like number four by the way. Yeah, four is really good. Okay, there's a check for me. Where's the checkbox? Yeah, 25:15 going to five Alright, moving on to five here like that. 25:18 It's hard to analyze color in here because it's so dark. Yeah. But 25:24 yeah, I mean you got we got it. We got a variety variety really grainy. 25:29 You mean on the nose? It's getting a little too grainy for him. 25:32 It also but it does have like, it does have like that. 25:37 You go to the fairgrounds and they're serving the cotton candy you go to the cotton candy booth is 25:42 that cotton candy so I got some raw notes or something. I mean, when I just had a taste and I think you kind of get some of that that cotton candy and a little bit on the back of it. You get some grape Kool Aid. 25:53 Yeah, it does kind of kind of funky. A lot of raw notes on that. For me anyways. 25:58 So all that's pretty Though I'll ask you all When was the last time you all had some some of these other bottle of bonds that are just you know, regular kind of shelf stuff so like old Bardstown old grains. 26:11 Like this is old Bardstown. Yeah, you think? Yeah, I think this is old Bardstown. Number five. 26:16 Yeah, I now think it is. 26:18 Because it has that like a particular oak note in there that I get from their, from their stuff. 26:23 I mean, I've always early times for me like an always 26:27 early, early times. I mean it's, 26:30 I haven't spent a lot of time with early times. 26:34 But of what we have up here that I've been drinking the shit out of his new riff and I've been I've been drinking so much of their cash drink stuff, you know? That was so good. It is I it's 26:48 It is incredible. What they've been able to accomplish. Okay, so we go to the 26:53 glass, it's not 26:54 a Glencairn. Well, I think we we definitely made a mistake of not labeling these glasses either because now me and you are literally like three four little accounting like what's we're on number six already and we're trying to like go through these yeah 27:08 so I do like the nose on I do like this a lot 27:12 this is probably my favorite knows this far everything you want in America knows oh my god 27:17 that's good that's kind of full package right there yeah that's a full package that's a that's a check check plus from what what else 27:23 so let's when we say full package What are you what are you putting that in reference to what is your What is your baseline that in bourbon I'm talking about in life in life? What's your baseline for a full package? Can you 27:33 want me to just hit solid Are you referring to package 27:37 Gosh, last time I'm drinking with you all and again 27:40 often by now maybe I'm so glad we picked this over like lawsuits or something. They were like texting last night and I like put my phone down for like an hour and I come by or 30 texts and I'm like, we're not doing these. We're gonna do the bomb bomb. 27:53 It'll be much more files wave. 27:55 So anyway, my full package will be like what I kind of think of it is like it just hits the checkboxes Got the nose, it's got the flavors. And when I think of flavor, like it's nothing that's it's nothing that's crazy. It's nothing that is off the wall. It's a one off like it is it is hitting, you know, most of the high notes that you get on a bourbon flavor will you've got caramel, you've got oak, you've got pepper, you've got some of those things, and it still lingers just a little bit now all these being 100 proof. We're not going to see something that's going to sit there and just like the finishes, keep going and going and going, right? I mean, I think we will, maybe we will, but I would think with 100 proof and I'm not going to act like I've got a refined palette by any means. But I think that I typically only see that happening with barrel proof whiskey is something that like I could still sit back like 30 seconds later and it's still like those flavors are still coating my mouth my tongue 28:49 sometimes I get on that. If you have like, I've had a lot of good for roses, like the hundred proof. What is it? 28:58 Single barrel single barrel, sorry. VOB SV 29:01 Yeah, that like, you can tell the spices from the grains and not from alcohol and the finish just kind of lingers on there. And so that I really liked that one. The finish was a little flat for me, but it hit all the checkboxes on 29:15 Friday night solid six had some layers to it. I would say revisit that one. We like when we're done here, because that's definitely a contender. 29:23 Yeah. Hopefully we're not doing like confirmation bias on each other. And we're just like, Oh, yeah. Oh, no, 29:28 I disagree with you. I will totally tell you. Yeah, but that and I know that Ryan will be quick to say, Yeah, fuck you, you know. So but in his own way, 29:39 own heartwarming way that thumbs down. 29:41 You know, he'll be like, well, I don't really. I don't really agree with you on that. But I know where you're coming from, though. Yeah, Fred. I agree to disagree with you. And then Kenny will be like, well, I just don't get that. Yeah. 29:55 It doesn't have 29:56 to be that or I'll say it. Let's change this. Let's change the subject real quick. 29:59 What does that mean? The next one, what 30:00 does that look like? But seriously on to the next one? 30:03 I got my first Neagle, SB to number seven, I think we all got new glasses changing everything. You know if I'm 30:09 gonna if I'm going to go on a limb if we're gonna if anybody's gonna guess on one thing I'm going to say number seven is gonna be the old granddad bottle and bond. I just I think it's, it's okay. It's basic. It's either me that or it's Evan Williams. It's one of the other, but I feel like it's just, it's cool. It's like there but I don't think 30:26 like I don't think it's all green. I don't either know, this. I think this is 1792 that's what I was gonna say from the nose. It's got that you talking about Nana's guys that you're bananas. 30:36 You know, as there's one thing that Ryan brought up a second ago when you talk about four roses, you know there's a there's a few distilleries out there that that don't come out with a bottle and bond product for roses and wild turkey or or two of them that kind of come up to mind. 30:51 You want to know why? 30:52 Yeah, I'd love to know why the books 30:54 on the distilling season, actually and not bringing them in is very difficult. So like knob Creek, which is 100 proof that could have six different distilling seasons in the the actual audit of a bottle of bond it's actually very costly. Heaven Hill has it down because they've been doing it for so long. And they, you know, they don't really change a lot of those older methods. 31:16 Do they still audit for vault and bon 31:19 Oh, if they if the federal government wants to audit, they will audit and occasionally they will come in and out and they what they do they just look at paperwork, that's all they do. You know, it's not like they're going in there and 31:28 taking dramaturgy. Yeah, they're not doing anything like that. 31:31 But it's, it's it's pretty fascinating 31:34 to see. Really getting finished, kind of lingering. 31:38 So do you think do you think that creating a bottle and bond product is it just more paperwork nowadays at the end of the day, and maybe that's why wild turkey for roses and people like that, just don't worry about it. 31:50 It always comes down to position in the marketplace. And when you look at where bottle of wine Bond was 15 years ago, heaven Hill owned it. Nobody was getting near it. No one cared. Then Bernie lumber starts kind of striking striking the bar to me he changes he changes. That man changed the perception of the bartender community for bottle of bond. And then so other people started tacking on the new distiller started coming on. They're like we want to be bottled bond, we want to be old school. And then people like brown Forman said we need to get back into bottle the bond cc early times. You know, you see all kinds of efforts from a lot of places and people like four roses and wild turkey have always been about four roses and wild turkey. You know, so they don't want to necessarily get and kind of like a categorical lump with those particular brands. And maybe they will maybe they will and I don't know, but Wild Turkey has kind of been very anti 100 proof, you know, so the 100 it for them. It's comes out their one on one absolutely like their entire branding is around one on one. Yeah. And that's very specific. Absolutely. 33:05 Yeah, I think ball and bonds are like perfect for cocktails by the way to like 100. Like, you know, it's just it's a lot of them are young enough and like and there's enough proof there that they stand up to a lot of sweet ingredients 33:20 and like the nose on a it is. It's really nice. 33:23 And the other thing about the cocktail side is that yes, it's got enough proof that keeps it there but you know the bottle and bond this market of what we're looking at, we're looking at anything from a $15 bottle up to a $50 bottle I think 50 is the high when I was going through this so wilderness trail bottle and bond is the highest near it was 50 I believe it was between the Evan Williams bottle of bond and the Jim Beam bond and maybe the JW dan, as hitting some of the the lower lower price point therapy. Medic. Medic. Medic Ryan just Ryan just choked out over here. 33:57 Yeah, I'm trying to spit but it went too far down. No point of return. 34:03 date was very green forward to me. And it had like kind of like an undercurrent of like develop grain like an cornbread, which is a note I often get in some of the beam product. I've got a real nice like cornbread like a like a touch of like honey butter on it. 34:19 See, the thing is I actually kind of still enjoy this one. There is there's something about it where I didn't like it finished. The finish is still there for me. I don't know. I'm just gonna go the check on that one, Brian, 34:30 and I don't like it. So it didn't matter. 34:32 Well, no, I don't know. Just, there's only it's only a 33% vote over here. So you know, that's how it is. That's right. 34:40 All right. So number nine. Number nine. We were rolling through these awful quickly, aren't we? 34:45 When you got 12 to get there? 34:46 Yeah, we can have two and so on. And so I got another question I'll throw at you all because I remember this from I think was in Houston bourbon society or one of the other was you know, 34:57 when it comes to my tastings, and I'm trying to be analytic I hate when people fucking talk to me. So this is like, throw me on. Focus hit me. Can you shut up? Can we but it may be terrible, but it's true. Let's let him have a 35:10 hard I'll try the zone. Okay, all right, right on 35:13 I'm not gonna taste what you asked a question. Go ahead, 35:15 we gotta gotta keep the conversation going, right? We got to keep the listeners engaged here, right? 35:19 But you can ask Jessica I like close the door and I'm like, I'm writing. I'm doing this let me allow, you know, 35:25 we gotta we gotta make you break out of the mold here. So you're hanging out with us. You don't wear mascots anymore. Right? So we're making the breakout you 35:32 fucking hot out there too. I don't have to be on stage. So. 35:36 So. So there was I think it was a question that brought up by Wade. You know, we love Wade friend of the show. He's got a lot of bourbon knowledge out there. And and he said, you know, is it true or false that is every warehouse, a bonded warehouse. It comes down to the law. 35:53 They not everything's stored in a warehouse, but in terms of like, you know, they've been Pay they have to have it It cannot be in a non bonded the government has to know where it is. And it is it is very much on the watch list now is it a marked bonded warehouse? No, no I mean there there's there was a artists in Kentucky arts and distillery was aging in containers shipping containers for a long time and then they were aging outside for a long time and they would later be Jefferson's the growth growth product but the government knew what those were and they had to be that paperwork had to be submitted. 36:44 Okay, well see there's an LG 36:46 even have to have like a bonded Kenny and I've rented this like when when you buy do a transfer and bond from 36:52 one to another. You have 36:54 bonded transfer like so much now. This 36:56 isn't bond. This isn't anything that you have like Can I just go got, I got an f1 37:01 fit no one comes in and inspects it per se, but, but the paperwork has to be there. And if it's not, then you know, they get and when that audit comes, which the audits don't come, you know, they don't always come so like you could get away with, you know, doing that and, and I know people who, who distill, you know, illegally and then had a distillery and they added their old stuff into it. That was illegal. 37:25 But it happens. It does happen. So I'm going to go on a limb here, and I'm going to say number nine, it might be my least favorite of everything we've tried so far. 37:36 I really like the nose. But Gosh, the the finish on this, it just tastes like grass and, like, dirt. I don't know 37:46 it. Yeah, I'm just, I'm just not a fan of it. I'm ready to move on to 10 Yeah, I mean, it was just like, okay, can this one be over because I can't deal with it anymore. I don't know. We might burn a bridge there. But you know, it's just not there for me. 37:58 You got to stop worrying about the bridge. Yeah yeah they're engineers 38:04 I don't hate it as much as you guys but it's not it's not a contender for me there it's grainy Scott alcohol undertones to it got some sweetness but it's not it's not it's not an end of the world bourbon like it's not making me mad like you 38:23 I mean he's fuming yeah right here 38:24 I am off my rocker right now just going crazy. All right, number 10 yeah my guess moving on to number 10 we're we're rolling through these, I guess the thread for you Do you do these tastings a lot? Like how often or how fast can you go through like 15 Bourbons. From forest to still Bull Run distillery whiskeys are using some of the best water in the US. 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Like I don't. It depends on what I'm doing. Like if I'm doing it. I'm doing it in competition. It depends on the competition. I have to adhere to the rules. I'm doing it for myself. My own little fucking thing I do whatever it is whatever it is I do or I'm just trying to taste you know the big part is is like do I have someone there helping me because I don't always have someone helping me and it's hard to pour for yourself and I mean we do 200 products difficult yeah but I can you know I usually try to spend two minutes with the glass thing is I my whole thing is I want to give I want to give every glass its chance you know it's not you know someone put a lot of time and attention and effort to make it if I'm going to taste it in analytically I need to give that same kind of time and attention at least 41:38 if you do something different you you tastings multiple times if you give it a rating, right, 41:42 that's right. I will I will taste three times because right now I'm just coming off a cold memory. I texted you guys yesterday that I lost my palate. I was like I don't know if I can do this. I lost my palate. I woke up I went out that's good. Anyway, bars and found 41:55 it. I feel like we're on a level playing field and now 41:58 we're down Last night, I wouldn't read it is late. I went out with drinking with my friend and I woke up this morning. I'm back, baby. It's like all that whiskey, like, cleared it. It was like so I'm just coming off the three festivals and I've been pretty worn down and now I'm back. And I mean today I could tell it was back but, but, you know, if you have an onion, if you whatever you have for breakfast, influences your palate, our surroundings influences. Right now we're on we're in a construction area that that little bit of, you know, dust smell that's out there can influence what you're picking up. The lights can have something the fact that someone's saying, you know, talking out there can influence I mean, there's so many influences so that when I'm actually tasting by myself, I like to be in a kind of like as much of a soundproof room as possible. No music, nobody bugging me. And it's just me and the glass. You can do a whiskey quickie can take three days to 42:57 give it a thumbs down 43:00 The way you all do, that's great. 43:01 And I guess I'll kind of give you I'll throw one back at you here, Fred, because, you know, we, we catch some heat every once in a while because people think that, oh, 60 seconds that's not long enough for whiskey review in and I kind of go on the other side of that and I'm like, well, soon as you taste something you kind of realize if you like it or not, 43:19 yeah, how many times does it take? Like, do you ever come back and you're like, 43:23 yeah, there's no way there's there's not actually as many how many times I would think that you went from something that you're just like, this is like a 65 to 95. Right? Not that big not understand we're not scoring it on a on a on a, on a point scale here. We're just saying like, thumbs up middle ago. Thumbs down, 43:40 right. So there have been 43:44 there been a few that went from like 80 to 85 or 88. Something like that. 43:53 Just a few points, then yeah, 43:54 I mean, it's not it's never really, you know, too much but It is there. And you know the big thing I think, you know, we have to what you have to what you have to determine as now that you all are kind of getting in the critic role is like what is your base? What is your base? And for me, my base has always been Evan Williams Black Label. That's an 86 point whiskey. You know and the thing is is like when someone rates that when someone says that is 60 points or 45 points or something, you're essentially saying it's undrinkable. Evan Williams Black Label is very drinkable. And you know, it can be enjoyed sip, it can be a cocktail, it's it's very, you know, versatile and like that is my base. So if I if I find myself in a situation where I am being very low, I like I was I was writing some stuff really, really low for a long period I went back to taste Evan Williams Black Label to make sure I was not crazy crazy. And I was like, I was like No, I'm right. Because these are not better than Evan Williams Black Label and it was like it was the one that did it for me it was like three years ago it was Eagle rare 17 year old and and then that also the Parkers heritage came out that was really, really bad. And I was like, God, I mean, I'm about to write these two things under an ad. And it was like, that's like really, really low for for those two products. And so I went back and taste that my base and it was like, Okay, yeah, I feel firm in that. So you have to like come to your base of like, what is your throne? What what barely makes your thumb up? And then what barely makes your thumbs down that that will always help you as as a reviewer, because you have to have something to lean on. Because if you know, you know you, you want to be consistent. That's the main thing. Absolutely. Thanks to you our basis and McKenna 46:02 realize like if it's better than here McKenna we like, yeah, 46:06 it's not, then it's true. That's true. I mean, that's that's kind of what started us down our path of launching pursuit series was like a well, if this is better than here, McKenna will do this. Yeah. And so we had a first barrel sample and that's for you. Well, that's, I mean, good for you. That's another story here or there. But I kind of want to talk about maybe 46:21 I should flip the podcasts on YouTube about why you started. 46:26 Well, we can we can we can definitely do a podcast about that one. 46:29 I did that last night. But then I was like, I don't want to 46:33 sell but it's all about a hotel to stall 46:34 and they won't be self promotion. When I'm asked questions. It's good. God, 46:38 by the way, before we go to this number 10. Yes. And I was I was I was I put check check. plus, plus, I was away. I was really, I enjoyed number 1010 46:49 was very woody for me. And see, that's me. I like 46:54 my pain. And I'm just I'm writing that and one of these ones that Fred doesn't like his hitter McKenna. Like 47:01 getting old so no so here so this is this is I'm not getting that So the one thing here about here McKenna is that it's a single barrel right? It's nothing that is it's batch it's not it's not celaire age it's not whatever it is. It is it is a single barrel offering it's nothing else like it you know we have the opportunity to catch up with Josh Hey for one time and talk about after it one San Francisco and say like, Listen, we all pick and cherry barrels like we all just sending two bottles that you knew that are three bottles that you knew that were just like Primo pristine, like going to knock the socks off. And he said he said Kenny This is exactly what happened. I make one phone call down to the warehouse. You know right now we've all been in the warehouse at heaven Hill. There's just pallets stacked up just boxes and things are moving everywhere. made a phone call. said hey, I need you to take three bottles out of a box. Here's the address the ship them to. That's it. There was there was no cherry picking. There is nothing like that. 47:59 Henry McKenna won Best bourbon the year before 48:02 Yes, I wouldn't believe that but like everyone you talked to it heaven Hill had the same exact story like it same exact like it's like they fed it to them like this. Well we need to do 48:12 I went back in the judges and you know what, when we unveiled the bottles, all the bottles for the same barrel number and, and you know so that makes it that makes that a little bit more believable is because they were they said it came from one case and you know as far as I know they case up their their barrels all the same, they don't intermingle. Yeah. And so that is that is the only thing I can think of, and also the year before they won with with Henry McKenna. And the second thing is what nobody ever wants to give any credit to is that there are more than 40 judges there from around the world, the greatest palettes in the world and I'm not just saying that because Guys, you're on it. But like I'm talking about people who run the hotels in Macau, people who run Wynn Las Vegas these are the these people are ultra respected for their palates. And they are human guess what they think is a honey barrel at heaven Hill. Could be a shit turd 49:25 over there. 49:26 Yeah. I mean, I gave two years in a row on my panel. I did not metal Pappy two years in a row. And you know, YP is you know Pappy is good. I mean, I didn't metal it. So what does that say? What does that say? I mean, you don't know how the You don't know how the judges are going to react. And you don't know what panel they're going to get on. If they're on my panel, man. Like with my panel, 49:56 we submitted pursuit series and Fred was like, I didn't even get that on my panel. Yeah. 50:01 So you never you never have any idea. 50:03 So like, you know, so that I you know, there's there'll be two 300 Bourbons that come in. There's other judges I can't you know, and they split them out. And yes, they do make me drink vodka. 50:14 Oh god. Oh, you poor thing. The fourth thing, by the way, thanks for you making the sacrifice for doing that as well. You 50:21 bet 11th amazing. 50:24 11 so 11 I did a check minus that was good, but it wasn't all the way there for 50:28 me. Yeah, I thought was average for me. 50:30 I love 11 a lot. I'm already on 12 50:34 Yeah, I got some like floral Really? Because I'm the exact opposite. I am I'm unique. I'm putting it 12 is as one of the bottom of the buckets for me. 50:44 I don't know what it I'll try to 50:46 try to it smells like floor sweeping. 50:49 Yeah, I'm not I'm just not a throw up packets. 50:51 Like Can you talk about 50:52 I usually talk about that when I talk about rye whiskey that I always get this note with some rye whiskeys of of if you recall. Back in grade school and somebody would like he had a classmate that puked on the floor and you had a janitor that wouldn't put the shavings on top of it that's always a note for somehow that I always get off stuff. 51:10 Yeah that's that's a real note that green hand whiskey had that note for me 51:17 I don't like I don't like it enough to put them on top three so 51:21 so i think i think it Now it's time we go ahead but you we need to replace like your top five retail taste your tops for sure anything you got a checkbox or a yes or whatever it is that you go through I use arrows 51:35 I use arrows and like I'll do like one arrow if I'm excited about two arrows if I love it three arrows if I'm like, about to go in the room with it, you know, 51:45 there you go. I tell you what, you know I went to I went back to number three and like three is just like coming back from from 12 the kitchen just got like super caramel knows. I put a maybe check box next to it doesn't mean anything. me here yet as we keep going, 52:02 I left threes nose. 52:06 Three is got too much. It's over early for me. threes over early would mean he was over early. So like, think of herbs like deal. Oregano. Sometimes those are candy, some medicinal herbal. It's a no for me threes out now. 52:26 Yeah, that's pretty good. I get that I'm still kind of there. I don't know for me I'm still kind of there on it. But I'm going to exit for me. Well, I think that 52:34 if we need to report who's reporting for us we do not need a report. 52:37 There is there is way too much out here that we do not need a report. So I'm moving I'm going to go between like 3468 and 10, maybe 11. And I'll choose my top three out of that. 52:53 fours and for me from the nose. 52:55 I want to say it's one dimensional, but maybe we've gone through this 15 times. There's there's something that a taste that just doesn't have it there for me. And for me I'm looking for I'm looking for caramel I'm looking for oak, I'm looking for some of those things and for just doesn't have it there for me. So I'm gonna I'm gonna go ahead and just kind of knock that one off my lips pulling for out of your list. I'm pulling for my 53:18 lot. It's in his top five Remember that? No, well, that's still good. Like, I mean, something 53:24 they might have even though they knew what it was. Anyway, I have to I had to know. 53:28 I think I think you know, you're right. I think it was too easy to take it out. I'll go back to it. Be only because I think it definitely deserves to be up there. It was too easy to pick it out. 53:44 And it is bourbon. It is bourbon. 53:47 And I guess you know, I'll look it to you guys and kind of kind of pose this question to you as a stock start depleting as you know, higher aged whiskies available in the market or not very anymore really the one thing that we see that's very common is we see 10 to 14 and 15 year old Tennessee product that is now available Do you think that's going to help change some consumers mind about their about actually having you know very aged product that's in the market versus something that's only like four to six years old? I mean, 54:21 what help Fred and then they've given barrels kind of proven that there's some really good stuff how many Yeah, I think I think barrel bourbon is an anomaly. They are such good blenders. Yeah. And they blend out a lot of that really unsavory note that I find in some medical 54:38 product but honestly, I just put a check plus next to deco like it was just it's too good. I don't know maybe. I know most of these pretty much all these except that one coming from Kentucky but there is there is something about it. That I think most people if you've never had that kind of product before, you gotta give it a try. Because if you haven't and you you just immediately Oh, Tennessee screw that I'm not going to drink it and you haven't tried it, then you're not really giving it a fair chance and a fair opportunity because there's there's a lot of good products that 55:09 that you can't get a question for both of you 55:11 know, here we go. 55:12 How do you put when you're tasting? Like I try to surround my mouth? I'm looking at my spit cup in comparison to Ryan's and it's like 55:22 oh, Kenny's been drinking the whole time empty. Yeah. Well, I mean, my mind is full. 55:30 I mean, I put a lot of my mouth to kind of surround How much do you put in your mouth to? 55:34 To find out before we talk no leaders around? 55:37 I'm doing I'm doing baby pores over here. Right? I'm just doing baby pores. It's just enough to like, maybe coat the tongue. I think I think what you're looking for is like an overall like, are you chewing it kind 55:49 of thing. So this is very important to me as a taster. Like I have to make sure that because if you just put a baby poor on there, you're getting a small snippet of what that was. He is Now you all been doing this long enough I don't have to worry about you you know discrediting at some because of a mouthful perspective but mouth field to me is it's so important that's why I like to make sure I can at least fill it down my jaw line 56:14 but there's also I think something that is you also miss by by also not consuming it and being able to say like okay if we spit it out are you missing something? Well 56:24 you know keep in mind I have to when I'm doing this I don't like 1500 so I I'd be dead which I know some people would like that but it's not going to happen 56:34 I got talking to him over here 56:37 I got my top three 56:38 you got your top three already I went out on a tangent here 56:42 and yeah, I'm still okay I'm going back to number six because I had a check check plus i probably doesn't mean actually going to go back to it but 56:48 yeah, I'm with you on six it's checks all around. 56:52 Good stuff. Missy when I when I do take a little baby poor though I still I still try to get it in my jaw line. I still chew a little bit Try to have a cover my tongue Yeah, but I also am not the way that it's just like it's not like a full like quarter round so my mouth either right it's I've got to have just enough that I can savor the flavor be able to get it to the to the point where I'm like actually chewing on my back molars 57:18 but other than that four and six are are wanting to for me or in that they're right there. I have a run off between seven and 11 and I need to be removed from from this I need you to like you need to be kicked off the panel. No, I need I need I need to be I need these to be given to me where I don't know what they are. is what I'm saying. 57:38 Well, you don't know what they are. 57:40 No, I know what they are. I know this is 11 57:42 right? I know this seven. Alright, well turn around or put your hands above your eyes and just give them to 57:48 get over here. sevens on the other glass. I'm already going to know Yeah, 57:52 it doesn't need God this is it. This is how I do things like if like if I get like really tied to a particular one. So now now what I have Do I have to like assess this from? Like, what I like more about it and so 58:05 I'm mouse like tingling right now. Yeah, he got again shot. 58:09 I need to find out which I like more seven or 11 and we may have like a tie. Well, 58:14 I don't like either, so I'll solve that for you. 58:17 There we go. No, I'm kidding. It's a it's a consensus, pursuit consensus. You know, sometimes you go back to something and you taste it. You're like, maybe I didn't realize I like that as much as the first time. 58:28 We're all drinking. 58:30 Yeah, maybe. 58:31 So I'm going to I'm going to go with 11 over seven. Due to a berry, berry accentuated note that I happen to love. Bananas. Not bananas. 58:45 What is it? 58:47 No. marzipan is not marzipan. 58:51 It's it's cornbread. 58:51 Like a like but a particular like the Gypsy cornbread not like the like the sweeter cornbread. So I'm going with 11 59:00 So my, my, my pics are four, 59:05 six and 11 59:09 four, six and 11. Okay, so we got Fred. 59:12 I didn't put that in order. You want me to order that? 59:13 Nope, that's fine. So Fred at four, six and 11. Ryan, you got your top three. 59:17 I have four, 59:19 six and 10. 59:21 Oh, gosh, you guys are on point over. So I'm going to go a little bit different. I've got six, of course. So I think so six is by far that's that's, that's in our top 11 was closed over me. I also had 10 Okay, and 11 so at 610 and 11. Okay, so six and 59:38 11 are definitely in the top two. 59:40 Yeah, absolutely. So with that, Are y'all ready? For the reveal? 59:44 What what what what's the what's the on the third? Do we want it because we want to do the third. So we all had like a 59:51 bullet. I had four. 59:52 And you know what he and you had four, 59:54 four. I had 1010 We're all waiting. Like it's kind of like a three weeks. Split right there. Yeah. So, so we basically had four 610 and 11. Were our favorites. Okay. Okay, that's three. So we'll just take those as the four. Are you ready for the reveal? Yeah, let's do it. Alright. So number one. All right, number one, everybody remembers this. 1:00:17 We all kind of put an X on it. This is the wilderness trail. Ah, bottom, the bond. 1:00:22 I said, and I said, I thought it might be JW dan. So remember that. 1:00:26 There we go. There we go. Number two, we were all right. GEORGE deco. But you know, the thing is, is that like, I really enjoyed it. I, I would, I would honestly put that out there as my top but you know, when we look at stuff that's across the market, people that are going for, I think we look at the Kentucky Bourbons of what people really want. The George decal note like you love it or you hate it. It's one or the other. It's okay. And so, you just got you just got to find it now. Here it is. Number three, Henry McKenna. Number three is Henry McHenry. I had XR 1:00:59 Look what I put I put a line through it. Like it and see. Let me replace it. It happens it happens. 1:01:06 I know I've had some McKenna's oh they're just 1:01:08 this is not this is not smell good. So but then again remember we talked about this so now I like it. No I don't like it single barrel offering now it's hits different cannonballs McKenna phone calls this one time. Number four. New Heaven Hill the new bottle and bond heaven Hill shit. Right. So 1:01:32 so it lands on the top four. Yeah, it 1:01:36 lands on the topic. I think that was number one because we were so I really liked it. 1:01:41 You did you both you both. We both put that as your number one. Yeah. CI There you go. 1:01:48 This was my second guess about it was was an old Bardstown number five. 1:01:53 You are on point. Bardstown old parts town is number five. Right? Yep. 1:02:00 I can't remember. 1:02:01 But listen, here we go this is the one that I'm most proud about because I thought I guess it and I love this brand. I love the proctor making number six is the early times 1:02:10 body. Yeah, that six was really good. 1:02:13 Yeah, it was great. 1:02:14 Yeah, yeah, right. Exactly. So I I still stand by it. I say that is the best one liter of bourbon that you find on the market for 27 1792 1:02:26 think you think that you like somebody just like mind reading over here. I'm just like sending you like notes of Allison happening. The texts of the I really, 1:02:34 I really for him, I really do drink for a living. 1:02:37 So 1792 the bottle and bond. This was a pic that was done by the wine rack here and local and global. So that was that one. Number eight. Might have a guests. 1:02:48 I didn't have a guest on not just a negative. Alright. 1:02:50 Well, this is probably the most common bourbon you're finding the market is the Evan Williams. bottle and bond. Right. So there you go. Number nine is the Jim Beam Yeah, so to access to Exodus, I mean, I, I literally literally wrote down I hate doing this because I love the book no family I it's just like I literally wrote down. I said the worst of all of it and I'm just not a fan of it. That's just that's just how it is. Sorry. Number 10. S