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使えるフレーズばかりでAyumuさん最高すぎます。~解説した歌詞~Oh your love oh it's thriftedWrinkles all around but you're in good hands‘Cause imma love you til we're vintageSo it don't matter if it's thriftedYou tell me you've had enough of it from the day oneSaying they only loved you from the waist downYou got no faith in loveAnd I don't blame youNo I don't blame youBaby I'm sure you've heard it all beforeSaying they gon be better by tomorrowBut let me change your mindNo I won't waste your timeYou've been fighting for love a little too muchForget about your past it's time for new oneI don't care what you've been throughBaby I just wanna love you todayOh your love oh it's thriftedDid somebody wear you down stretch you outYou got baggage you got big stainsWash them all away with meOh your love oh it's thriftedWrinkles all around but you're in good handsCause imma love you til we're vintageSo it don't matter if it's thrifted▼留学費用が一発で分かる公式LINEは▼https://bit.ly/4gPlWbZ■Podcastの感想やリクエストはInstagramのDMまで！⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/studyin.jp/⁠

Who You Say I am by Hillsong WorshipWho am I that the highest King would welcome me?I was lost, but He brought me inOh His love for meOh His love for meWho the Son sets freeOh, is free indeedI'm a child of God, yes, I amFree at last, He has ransomed meHis grace runs deepWhile I was a slave to sin, Jesus died for meYes, He died for meWho the Son sets freeOh is free indeedI'm a child of God, yes, I amIn my Father's houseThere's a place for meI'm a child of God, yes, I amI am chosen, not forsakenI am who You say I amYou are for me, not against meI am who You say I amI am chosen, not forsakenI am who You say I amYou are for me, not against meI am who You say I amI am who You say I amWho the Son sets freeOh is free indeedI'm a child of God, yes, I amIn my Father's houseThere's a place for meI'm a child of God, yes, I amIn my Father's houseThere's a place for meI'm a child of God, yes, I amI am chosen, not forsakenI am who You say I amYou are for me, not against meI am who You say I amI am chosen, not forsakenI am who You say I amYou are for me, not against meI am who You say I amI am chosen, not forsakenI am who You say I amYou are for me, not against meI am who You say I amOh I am who You say I amYes, I am who you say I amWho the Son sets freeOh is free indeedI'm a child of God, yes, I amIn my Father's houseThere's a place for meI'm a child of God, yes, I amTHIS IS ME from the Greatest Showman SoundtrackI am not a stranger to the dark"Hide away, " they say"'Cause we don't want your broken parts"I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars"Run away, " they say"No one'll love you as you are"But I won't let them break me down to dustI know that there's a place for usFor we are gloriousWhen the sharpest words wanna cut me downI'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em outI am brave, I am bruisedI am who I'm meant to be, this is meLook out 'cause here I comeAnd I'm marching on to the beat I drumI'm not scared to be seenI make no apologies, this is meOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, ohAnother round of bullets hits my skinWell, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink inWe are bursting through the barricades andReaching for the sun (we are warriors)Yeah, that's what we've become (yeah, that's what we've become)I won't let them break me down to dustI know that there's a place for usFor we are gloriousWhen the sharpest words wanna cut me downI'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em outI am brave, I am bruisedI am who I'm meant to be, this is meLook out 'cause here I comeAnd I'm marching on to the beat I drumI'm not scared to be seenI make no apologies, this is meOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, ohThis is meand I know that I deserve your love(Oh-oh-oh-oh) there's nothing I'm not worthy of(Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh)When the sharpest words wanna cut me downI'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em outThis is brave, this is bruisedThis is who I'm meant to be, this is meLook out 'cause here I come (look out 'cause here I come)And I'm marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on)I'm not scared to be seenI make no apologies, this is meWhenever the words wanna cut me down (oh-oh-oh-oh)I'll send a flood to drown 'em out (oh, oh-oh, oh-oh)I'm gonna send a flood (oh-oh-oh-oh)Gonna drown them 'em out

“I Have Loved You With An Everlasting Love”Jeremiah 31:3 “ the Lord appeared to him from far away.  I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.”God loves us with an everlasting love.  Did you know that?  Did you know that there is nothing you can do to lose God's love?  Sometimes I know that we feel unlovable.  Sometimes that's after we have done something that we feel is wrong and sometimes that's after someone else has done or said something to us.  However, God never stops loving us.  He loved us before we were even born and His love is everlasting, it never goes away.  I remember hearing a story once, I think it might have been Jeff Cavins, in the Great Adventure Bible Story, but I am not sure.  Anyway, whoever was telling the story was talking about how God does not need anything from us.  This was vastly different from the other Gods at the time.  The other Gods got more power the more people worshipped them.  They were almost fighting for people to worship them.  Some of them even required human child sacrifices.  However, our God was completely self sufficient and did not need anything from us.  I remember the person saying that this is the reason that some people turned from those other God's to our God, the one true God.  They turned to God because of His everlasting love.  They turned to God because He loved them just for who they were.  They did not need to do anything to earn that love.  That love was just there.  This was something they had not experienced before.  The next line in the verse is also an important line.  “Therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.”  This is important because God is always faithful to His word.  This is something we talked a lot about last week but I think it is important to touch on it again as it is amazing.  I think sometimes we may think that God stops loving us when we sin in some way.  Or that he stops answering our prayers when we have sinned against Him.  However, this verse dispels that belief.  God continues His faithfulness to us, even when we mess up.  Look how many times He was faithful to the Israelites after they messed up.  In Matthew 18:21-22 it says, “Then Peter came and said to him, “Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.”  If Jesus is telling us to forgive seventy-seven time, then how much more will our father in heaven forgive us?There is a song called “Reckless Love” by Cory Asbury.  It is a great song about how amazing God's love is.  The song first talks about how good God has been to him.  The chorus says, Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God.  Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the 99.  And I couldn't earn it, I don't deserve it, still You give yourself away”  When he mentions leaves the 99 is talking about Matthew 18:12-14 when Jesus tells the parable, “What do you think? If a shepherd has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. So it is not the will of your Father in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost.”  God does not want to lose any of his sheep.  He will not stop looking for us when we are lost.  He will not stop loving us and hoping that we turn back to Him.  Then the song goes on to say, “When I was Your foe, still Your love fought for me.  You have been so, so good to me.  When I felt no worth, You paid it all for me.  You have been so, so kind to me”  This is so true, when we have sinned and pulled away from God, or fractured our relationship with Him, He is still fighting for us and still loving us.  When we don't feel worthy, God is still there doing all He can for us.  This last part of the song is my favorite and it is a part I think we all need to hear because it the truth.  “There's no shadow You won't light up, mountain You won't climb up, coming after me.  There's no wall You won't kick down, lie You won't tear down, coming after me.”  There is nothing that God won't do to chase after His children to try and save them.  He gave His only son on the cross for us.  There is nothing hidden in the darkness that will prevent him from finding you.  There's no wall He won't kick down and lie He won't tear down.  I think I like that part the best because when I think of it I think of a father searching everywhere for his child.  Have you even seen the movie “Taken” with Liam Neeson?  In the movie Liam Neeson is a father who's daughter goes to Europe on vacation with a friend.  However, in the movie his daughter is taken by sex traffickers.  She calls her dad when she sees someone breaking into the house.  Liam is some type of government spy in the movie and he stops at nothing to get his daughter back.  He does whatever it takes to find her and get her back.  If a mere human will go through all of that to get his daughter back, how much more do you think your Father in heaven will do to get you back?  I know people who have often wondered if they are worth loving.  When I tell them the things I am telling you, they say that they know God feels that way about other people, but they tell me I don't understand what they have done, or where they have been.  If you are listening to this and you think that this is true for some people, but that it is not true for you, I want you to hear me.  GOD LOVES YOU!!  He loves you right where you are at.  You don't have to change in anyway for Him to love you.  He loves your perfectly right now, right where you are at.  Also, God's love is everlasting.  It never fades.  It is always there no matter what we do or what happens to us.  Also, God remains faithful to us.  He keeps His promises.  If we are lost He will come and chase after us and find us.   He will be there for us whenever we decide to turn back to Him.  He will welcome us home with open arms and he will say to us, “I have loved you with an everlasting love.”Dear heavenly father, I ask that you bless all those listening to this episode today. We thank you for loving us with an everlasting love, with a reckless love that will chase us down and leave the 99 to come and save us. Lord God we're so very thankful that you love us so much and even though we can't earn your love and definitely don't deserve your love you give it to us freely anyway. Lord I ask that you reach out to anyone hearing this that has trouble believing you could love them. I ask that you surround them with your love, that you rain down love and grace on them.  I ask that you open their minds and hearts to the idea of you loving them just as they are.  Lord, I ask all of this in accordance with your will and in Jesus' holy name, AmenHere are the lyrics for Reckless Love by Cory Asbury:Before I spoke a word, You were singing over meYou have been so, so good to meBefore I took a breath, You breathed Your life in meYou have been so so kind to meOh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of GodOh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the 99And I couldn't earn itI don't deserve it, still You give yourself awayOh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of GodWhen I was Your foe, still Your love fought for meYou have been so, so good to meWhen I felt no worth, You paid it all for meYou have been so, so kind to meOh, the overwhelming, never-ending reckless love of GodOh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the 99And I couldn't earn itI don't deserve it, still You give yourself awayOh, the overwhelming, never-ending reckless love of GodThere's no shadow You won't light upMountain You won't climb upComing after meThere's no wall You won't kick downLie You won't tear downComing after meThere's no shadow You won't light upMountain You won't climb upComing after meThere's no wall You won't kick downLie You won't tear downComing after meThere's no shadow You won't light upMountain You won't climb upComing after meThere's no wall You won't kick downLie You won't tear downComing after meOh, the overwhelming, never-ending reckless love of GodOh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the 99I couldn't earn it, I don't deserve it, still You give yourself awayOh, the overwhelming, never-ending reckless love of God www.findingtruenorthcoaching.comCLICK HERE TO DONATECLICK HERE to sign up for Mentoring CLICK HERE to sign up for Daily "Word from the Lord" emailsCLICK HERE to sign up for free audio training about inviting Jesus into your daily lifeCLICK HERE to buy my book Total Trust in God's Safe Embrace

Robert Scarperi, Bob has been a leader in professional services, SaaS, financial services, ad tech mar tech, and management consulting for 32 years. His company, Revenue Vision Partners is the industry's leading data-driven revenue growth consulting firm. Questions · Could you share with our listeners, just a little bit about how you got from where you were to where you are today? · You wrote a book called Data and Diagnosis-Driven Selling with three other gentlemen. So, could you take a minute to kind of just go through maybe three overarching themes that the book focuses on? And just how do you believe this can really help an organization to deliver a great customer experience? · Now, I'd like for you to share with us what's the one online tool, resource, website or application that you absolutely can't live without in your business? · Can you also share with us maybe one or two books that you have read, it could be a book that you read a very long time ago, or even one that you've read recently, but it has had a great impact on your development and even your continued growth. · Now, Bob, could you also share with our listeners, what's the one thing that's going on in your life right now that you're really excited about, either something you're working on to develop yourself or your people. · Where can listeners find you online? · Now, Bob, before we wrap up, we always like to give our guests an opportunity to share. I'm not sure if you have one of these but a quote that you would tend to revert to if for any reason you are faced with some form of adversity, or challenge, but that quote will help to get you refocused, get you back on track, and just help you if for any reason you got the real or you got off track. Highlights Bob's Journey  Me: Now, we always like to give our listeners an opportunity to hear from the guest, in their own words, a little bit about your journey. And it has been quite a long journey, 32 years is a good amount of time to have under your belt in all of these wonderful areas. So, could you share with our listeners, just a little bit about how you got from where you were to where you are today?   Bob shared that right around the time he was finishing college, he had a really strong pull to get into sales, he was extremely lucky to have had a best friend's father was the top sales guy at Automatic Data Processing, ADP, which is sort of known to be one of the best and strongest sales driven cultures in the Fortune 100.  And right from the very beginning, all of their structure, rigor, process, intensity really meshed with his personality and his sort of competitive nature. And so, he was lucky enough to have some early success, he's very, very grateful for how much faith they had in him from an early age, giving him opportunities to run sales teams and move and get to experience new geographies and have really great experiences in such a phenomenally well-run company.  And then without going into too much detail, of course, his journey took him through a number of different industries, early days of ad tech, he worked for a long time as an equity sales and trading person at AllianceBernstein. He was lucky enough also to have some leadership positions, run sales teams internationally.  And then toward the last 10 years of his career, he had three Chief Revenue Officer roles in high growth technology companies where he really started to embrace being a leader who prided himself on installing a systematic data driven approach.  And toward the end of that decade, he decided he really wanted to do that as a consultant for a portfolio of companies so that he could be really working through various kind of company challenges in different industries with private equity firms as their partner. So, that's what brought him to where he is now.   About Bob's Book – Data and Diagnosis-Driven Selling and Three Overarching Themes That Can Help Organizations Enhance Customer Experience Me: Now, Bob, you wrote a book called Data and Diagnosis-Driven Selling: Leveraging insights, intelligence and the power of AI to deliver efficient, durable revenue growth with three other gentlemen, Mark Petruzzi, Ray Rike and Paul Melchiorre. So, could you take a minute to kind of just go through maybe three overarching themes that the book focuses on? And just how do you believe this can really help an organization to deliver a great customer experience? And I'd love for you to maybe segment it for us, because selling covers so many different areas. If you're selling to a business versus if you're selling to a customer….an individual, so maybe you could take one of those areas and kind of just break it down for us. And just give examples of what you wrote about in the book can really help teams that are in sales because sales is critical, it's a lifeline of any business. But how can the sales team really drive a quality customer experience that can drive to a high customer retention rate, because at the end of the day, that's really what all businesses are aiming for, as you're going to be able to keep your customers for life.   Bob shared that regarding who it's written for, it would really be for anyone selling to or trying to persuade a group of decision makers, so, usually an organization where a number of people contribute to a decision that is primarily in B2B sales. But if you find yourself in a position where you are trying to convince a town council to vote your way on a specific issue that's been a problem for the community or anything else where there are a group of people who need to kind of come together to make a decision, their book will help you.  And the way that it helps you is it lays out an approach that is not only proven by some of the most successful people in B2B sales, but it's also modern, utilizing the most high quality available B2B data. And they also talk about systems support, and AI as a tool that can help the modern salesperson navigate this very complex selling environment with multiple decisions in a tough time in the market, the macro environment is currently as complex as it's ever been. And being successful in sales at the moment is also as challenging and complex as it's ever been.   Me: So, I kind of wanted you also to maybe just go into, I would say, as I said, three overarching themes that the book focuses on. So, you mentioned AI and it's a very hot topic right across, I think, across the world, really, since it was introduced, especially since it's so accessible to everyone currently. But what does that really mean when you are selling to someone? Because at the end of the day, you're still dealing with human beings, so, what is the data really going to tell you? Or how is it going to help you to navigate that conversation? Because there has to be some human interaction, right? So, I kind of want you to walk us through that process.   Bob shared that the book talks about two different types of AI and it's really exciting because he doesn't think there is a sales book currently that, again, not only combines improving elements with AI and data approaches, but the two types of AI are generative AI, those would be systems like Chat GPT, who can help you create content in order to be compelling in a sales process. And predictive AI, technologies like and he'll use an example, Clari, which is a tool that helps sales teams understand which of their open sales opportunities have the highest probability of closing, based on a myriad of factors. So, they do get into really solid detail and they also have contributors in the book who are experts in various topics and tell stories about how they've used these tools successfully.   Me: So, that's excellent, very good explanation on the generative and predictive AI. Because I do believe that we throw toward around so much in different industries, especially in the customer experience industry, many people believe that artificial intelligence is going to replace human beings and we're all going to be obsolete and not worth any value anymore. But I'm not there yet. And I live in Kingston, Jamaica, where we use technology here a lot, but we are not going to get to that point anytime soon, definitely not in my lifetime where you're not going to need people because we are still a society that is heavily dependent on people interaction. For example, in our banks here, and I compare it to the United States all the time. The banks are still full, 50….40 people standing in the banks. I travelled to the US quite often and I go to different financial institutions, and they are empty, there's nobody physically standing in there, there are no lines lined up outside or people lined up inside. So, just in terms of the culture and the behaviour of people just don't believe that we're going to eliminate the people component in customer experience, because people still like to deal with people, right?   Bob agreed yes, absolutely. And it's funny because he does feel like and the way that they lay it out in the book, AI can put you in a position to have more and better live human interactions with the right audience, if used properly. It doesn't replace humans; it sets humans up to be the best version of themselves and optimize their approach every day.   Me: I love it. So, it's really supposed to help us to interact better, to get to decisions faster, to understand people's behaviours quicker, to find solutions that are more need based, because a lot of times salespeople sell you stuff, they're driven by the quotas that they need to meet, they're driven by the pressures that their organizations put on them. But when you match value to the experience that the person is having and are they really getting the right solution, a lot of times down the road when there is like let's say a survey that's being done, or some form of focus group, especially if they're losing customers over a period of time, you realize that it wasn't even the right solution that was given to the client, or it wasn't being managed the proper way. And I guess, if they had the right data from day one, and it was being provided in the right way, they wouldn't have lost the customer in the first place.   Bob stated yes, he couldn't agree more. The third theme of the book is utilizing simple data science in order to ensure that your sales approach is driven by your Ideal Customer Profile (IDP). And he'll just briefly state that as a sales leader, he had gotten frustrated by knowing that focusing on the ideal customer profile was the right thing and then defining that and making that approach data driven was impossible. It was a very distant and vague concept. But he believes that they own the very best definition now of what the ideal customer profile is and how to take that definition and identify score and rank specific prospects and clients that are the best match to that ideal customer profile and create an entire commercial approach with that as the foundation.   Me: All right, and what is the definition that you have identified in the book as your ideal customer profile?   Bob shared that it's basically utilizing firmographic traits to know what industry, what sub sector, what size of the company, how much it's growing, what web scraping tells you about a company, when you can build a model that identifies those common traits in your best customers, and utilize expert panels to ensure that the model has picked up on the right signals, that is the best way to create an ideal customer profile, and again, score and rank accounts. That's quite technical, but it's all in the book.   Me: Yes, agreed. And our listeners would have tapped into this episode, and they'd like to put their hands on your book, where can they find it?   Bob shared that the book, it's available in all the major outlets, but he will tell you, he's a huge fan of Amazon and is readily available on Amazon in softcover, hardcover, and they'll have an audio version available within three weeks of today (May 09. 2024).   Me: Oh, okay, that was actually going to be my next question. Do you have it available on Audible? And you better get used to this voice because it's 80% of the narration is done by him (Bob).    App, Website or Tool that Bob Absolutely Can't Live Without in His Business When asked about online resource that he cannot live without in his business, Bob shared ZoomInfo. ZoomInfo provides a backbone to a lot of the data work that they do at Revenue Vision Partners. And when they were in the marketplace to procure data assets, they did a thorough evaluation, they were convinced at the time and four plus years later, he continued to be convinced that ZoomInfo has the best B2B data available in the market.   Books that Have Had the Biggest Impact on Bob When asked about books that have had a great impact, Bob shared that he would say that far and away, Strategic Selling: The Unique Sales System Proven Successful by America's Best Companies by Robert B. Miller and Stephen Heiman is the number one book that has contributed to the way that he has approached sales since the early 90s. He feels it lays out the most logical and powerful and consistent approach or methodology for B2B sales.  What they tried to do with the new book is take methodologies like Strategic Selling, SPIN Selling, The Challenger Sale, and modernize the approach again with Data and Diagnosis and AI and build upon those methodologies.   What Bob is Really Excited About Now! When asked about something that he's excited about, Bob shared that in their firm right now, they're doing one of these ideal customer profile-based data projects for a very large, diversified industrial company who services about a dozen different end markets. They're a multi-billion-dollar organization, they've run a pilot in one of their key divisions and it's been a phenomenally successful data model.  And he's convinced that their are hundreds of salespeople are going to utilize their time better, they're going to sell bigger and better fit accounts, they're going to be more gratified in their jobs, the company's going to gain market share in a more consistent and repeatable way.  And it's thrilling to do that, because this was the promise that they built their company on, and this couldn't be a better group of humans to work with who he just wants to see them succeed for all the right reasons. So, he's so excited about this journey, they're just far enough along where there's proof that it's working and there's so much ahead of them in terms of their ability to empower them to succeed.   Me: All right, I'm excited too, just hearing all of the great opportunities that lie ahead.   Bob shared that in his tennis game, he feels like his backhand is really ready for summer.   Me: Do you play competitively, or do you just play for fun?   Bob stated that he plays intermediate competitively. So, he can be pretty terrible. He has a couple of great shots and feel really good about himself, but it's a blast.   Where Can We Find Bob Online LinkedIn – Bob Scarperi Company LinkedIn – Revenue Vision Partners Instagram – @bobbyscarp Website - www.revenuevisionpartners.com Facebook – Bob Scarperi   Quote or Saying that During Times of Adversity Bob Uses  When asked about a quote or saying that he tends to revert to, Bob shared that it's quite a long one, so, he's not going to quote the whole thing, but unless he takes up the rest of the time, but it is, The Man in the Arena, quote by Teddy Roosevelt.  And starting a business in one's middle age with lots of financial obligations, including three kids, two step-kids, etc…etc…has been a really bold decision and quite terrifying at times. And every time he wonders if he's done the right thing, he grounds himself in that amazing speech and always feel like he comes back to believing that he was born to do something bold and that living through terrifying entrepreneurial moments are part of that and the victories that one is lucky enough to experience when they make that brave and bold decision are that much sweeter than then any other career related victories in his life. Of course, his highest highs have to do with his kids, but that whole man in the arena concept keeps him going every day. “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”    Me: So, we will have that full quote in the Show Notes of our episode, the Teddy Roosevelt quote, along with what you shared just now as it relates to kind of getting you back refocused on why you do what you do.   Bob shared that and if you saw the Tom Brady roast on Netflix, Matt Damon does a great job of narrating the entire thing.   Me: All right, Bob, thank you so much for jumping on our podcast today and sharing all these great insights as it relates to Diagnostic Selling and Data Driven Selling, as well as Artificial Intelligence and the ICP, it's all great information. I've started consuming a part of the content of the book, but I just believe I'd get so much more from the audible. So, I'm actually going to wait until it's released in the next three weeks to continue, I just believe I get so much more listening to it rather than reading it. But I would recommend for anyone that is a listener to our podcast to tap into this awesome resource that Bob and his team have so graciously given to us in the world, it's a great resource. And I believe that if we continue to try to find ways to add value to people's lives, create opportunities that you're really providing the solutions that your customers want, that will allow them to be your customer for life, through the techniques that you use to ensure that you are selling the right way, making the decisions the right way, your customer experience will take care of itself. So, thank you so much.   Please connect with us on X @navigatingcx and also join our Private Facebook Community – Navigating the Customer Experience and listen to our FB Lives weekly with a new guest   Links •     Data and Diagnosis-Driven Selling: Leveraging insights, intelligence and the power of AI to deliver efficient, durable revenue growth by Bob Scarperi •     Strategic Selling: The Unique Sales System Proven Successful by America's Best Companies by Robert B. Miller and Stephen Heiman    The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience Grab the Freebie on Our Website – TOP 10 Online Business Resources for Small Business Owners  Do you want to pivot your online customer experience and build loyalty - get a copy of “The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience.” The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience provides 26 easy to follow steps and techniques that helps your business to achieve success and build brand loyalty. This Guide to Limitless, Happy and Loyal Customers will help you to strengthen your service delivery, enhance your knowledge and appreciation of the customer experience and provide tips and practical strategies that you can start implementing immediately! This book will develop your customer service skills and sharpen your attention to detail when serving others. Master your customer experience and develop those knock your socks off techniques that will lead to lifetime customers. Your customers will only want to work with your business and it will be your brand differentiator. It will lead to recruiters to seek you out by providing practical examples on how to deliver a winning customer service experience!

Song #1HEHe can turn the tides and calm the angry seaHe alone decides who writes a symphonyHe lights every star that makes the darkness brightHe keeps watch all through each long and lonely nightHe still finds the time to hear a child's first prayerSaint or sinner calls and always finds him thereThough it makes him sad to see the way we liveHe'll always say "I forgive"He can touch a tree and turn the leaves to goldHe knows every lie that you and I have toldThough it makes him sad to see the way we liveHe'll always say "I forgive"Song #2 by Keala Settle"THIS IS ME" from The Greatest Showman soundtrackwatch the video CLICK HEREI am not a stranger to the dark"Hide away, " they say"'Cause we don't want your broken parts"I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars"Run away, " they say"No one'll love you as you are"But I won't let them break me down to dustI know that there's a place for usFor we are gloriousWhen the sharpest words wanna cut me downI'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em outI am brave, I am bruisedI am who I'm meant to be, this is meLook out 'cause here I comeAnd I'm marching on to the beat I drumI'm not scared to be seenI make no apologies, this is meOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, ohAnother round of bullets hits my skinWell, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink inWe are bursting through the barricades andReaching for the sun (we are warriors)Yeah, that's what we've become (yeah, that's what we've become)I won't let them break me down to dustI know that there's a place for usFor we are gloriousWhen the sharpest words wanna cut me downI'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em outI am brave, I am bruisedI am who I'm meant to be, this is meLook out 'cause here I comeAnd I'm marching on to the beat I drumI'm not scared to be seenI make no apologies, this is meOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, ohThis is meand I know that I deserve your love(Oh-oh-oh-oh) there's nothing I'm not worthy of(Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh)When the sharpest words wanna cut me downI'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em outThis is brave, this is bruisedThis is who I'm meant to be, this is meLook out 'cause here I come (look out 'cause here I come)And I'm marching on to the beat I drum (marching on, marching, marching on)I'm not scared to be seenI make no apologies, this is meWhenever the words wanna cut me down (oh-oh-oh-oh)I'll send a flood to drown 'em out (oh, oh-oh, oh-oh)I'm gonna send a flood (oh-oh-oh-oh)Gonna drown them 'em out (oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, oh)OhThis is me

Welcome to The Nonlinear Library, where we use Text-to-Speech software to convert the best writing from the Rationalist and EA communities into audio. This is: On Complexity Science, published by Garrett Baker on April 5, 2024 on LessWrong. I have a long and confused love-hate relationship with the field of complex systems. People there never want to give me a simple, straightforward explanation about what its about, and much of what they say sounds a lot like woo ("edge of chaos" anyone?). But it also seems to promise a lot! This from the primary textbook on the subject: The present situation can be compared to an archaeological project, where a mosaic floor has been discovered and is being excavated. While the mosaic is only partly visible and the full picture is still missing, several facts are becoming clear: the mosaic exists; it shows identifiable elements (for instance, people and animals engaged in recognizable activities); there are large patches missing or still invisible, but experts can already tell that the mosaic represents a scene from, say, Homer's Odyssey. Similarly, for dynamical complex adaptive systems, it is clear that a theory exists that, eventually, can be fully developed. Of course, that textbook never actually described what the mosaic it thought it saw actually was. The closest it came to was: More formally, co-evolving multiplex networks can be written as, ddtσi(t)F(Mαij,σj(t)) ddtMαijG(Mβij(t),σj(t)).(1.1) [...] The second equation specifies how the interactions evolve over time as a function G that depends on the same inputs, states of elements and interaction networks. G can be deterministic or stochastic. Now interactions evolve in time. In physics this is very rarely the case. The combination of both equations makes the system a co-evolving complex system. Co-evolving systems of this type are, in general, no longer analytically solvable. Which... well... isn't very exciting, and as far as I can tell just describes any dynamical system (co-evolving or no). The textbook also seems pretty obsessed with a few seemingly random fields: Economics Sociology Biology Evolution Neuroscience AI Probability theory Ecology Physics Chemistry "What?" I had asked, and I started thinking Ok, I can see why some of these would have stuff in common with others. Physics brings in a bunch of math you can use. Economics and sociology both tackle similar questions with very different techniques. It would be interesting to look at what they can tell each other (though it seems strange to spin off a brand new field out of this). Biology, evolution, and ecology? Sure. Both biology and ecology are constrained by evolutionary pressures, so maybe we can derive new things about each by factoring through evolution. AI, probability theory, and neuroscience? AI and neuroscience definitely seem related. The history of AI and probability theory has been mixed, and I don't know enough about the history of neuroscience and probability theory to have a judgement there. And chemistry??? Its mostly brought into the picture to talk about stoichiometry, the study of the rate and equilibria of chemical reactions. Still, what? And how exactly is all this meant to fit together again? And each time I heard a complex systems theorist talk about why their field was important they would say stuff like Complexity spokesperson: Well, current classical economics mostly assumes you are in an economic equilibrium, this is because it makes the math easier, but in fact we're not! And similarly with a bunch of other fields! We make a bunch of simplifying assumptions, but they're all usually a simplification of the truth! Thus, complex systems science. Me: Oh... so you don't make any simplifying assumptions? That seems... intractable? Complexity spokesperson: Oh no our models still make plenty of simplifications, we just run a bunch of numerical simulations of toy scenarios, then make wide and sweeping claims about the results. Me: That seems... wors...

Link to original articleWelcome to The Nonlinear Library, where we use Text-to-Speech software to convert the best writing from the Rationalist and EA communities into audio. This is: On Complexity Science, published by Garrett Baker on April 5, 2024 on LessWrong. I have a long and confused love-hate relationship with the field of complex systems. People there never want to give me a simple, straightforward explanation about what its about, and much of what they say sounds a lot like woo ("edge of chaos" anyone?). But it also seems to promise a lot! This from the primary textbook on the subject: The present situation can be compared to an archaeological project, where a mosaic floor has been discovered and is being excavated. While the mosaic is only partly visible and the full picture is still missing, several facts are becoming clear: the mosaic exists; it shows identifiable elements (for instance, people and animals engaged in recognizable activities); there are large patches missing or still invisible, but experts can already tell that the mosaic represents a scene from, say, Homer's Odyssey. Similarly, for dynamical complex adaptive systems, it is clear that a theory exists that, eventually, can be fully developed. Of course, that textbook never actually described what the mosaic it thought it saw actually was. The closest it came to was: More formally, co-evolving multiplex networks can be written as, ddtσi(t)F(Mαij,σj(t)) ddtMαijG(Mβij(t),σj(t)).(1.1) [...] The second equation specifies how the interactions evolve over time as a function G that depends on the same inputs, states of elements and interaction networks. G can be deterministic or stochastic. Now interactions evolve in time. In physics this is very rarely the case. The combination of both equations makes the system a co-evolving complex system. Co-evolving systems of this type are, in general, no longer analytically solvable. Which... well... isn't very exciting, and as far as I can tell just describes any dynamical system (co-evolving or no). The textbook also seems pretty obsessed with a few seemingly random fields: Economics Sociology Biology Evolution Neuroscience AI Probability theory Ecology Physics Chemistry "What?" I had asked, and I started thinking Ok, I can see why some of these would have stuff in common with others. Physics brings in a bunch of math you can use. Economics and sociology both tackle similar questions with very different techniques. It would be interesting to look at what they can tell each other (though it seems strange to spin off a brand new field out of this). Biology, evolution, and ecology? Sure. Both biology and ecology are constrained by evolutionary pressures, so maybe we can derive new things about each by factoring through evolution. AI, probability theory, and neuroscience? AI and neuroscience definitely seem related. The history of AI and probability theory has been mixed, and I don't know enough about the history of neuroscience and probability theory to have a judgement there. And chemistry??? Its mostly brought into the picture to talk about stoichiometry, the study of the rate and equilibria of chemical reactions. Still, what? And how exactly is all this meant to fit together again? And each time I heard a complex systems theorist talk about why their field was important they would say stuff like Complexity spokesperson: Well, current classical economics mostly assumes you are in an economic equilibrium, this is because it makes the math easier, but in fact we're not! And similarly with a bunch of other fields! We make a bunch of simplifying assumptions, but they're all usually a simplification of the truth! Thus, complex systems science. Me: Oh... so you don't make any simplifying assumptions? That seems... intractable? Complexity spokesperson: Oh no our models still make plenty of simplifications, we just run a bunch of numerical simulations of toy scenarios, then make wide and sweeping claims about the results. Me: That seems... wors...

Playlist that audio from :: YT :: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLliyIjlQOpG0ZpoJADsP_HbbnmtCNFp2H&si=QCnHHdmSSS70mVqG Lyrics I don't like nobody, I don't feel guilty about itI just got my body done, ain't got no guilt about itI just heard your opinion, I could've did without itAll these bitches is minions, despicable like, ooh (oh)Feeling like Mike Lowrey, ohProud about my salary, oh, ooh (oh)Heard they calling me outLove it when they calling me out, ohI got no reason to depend on youNo reason to make friends, I'm cool, ohI got no reason to depend on youNo reason to make friends, I'm coolI got everything that I need, and I want moreI can't take my foot off they neck, it's an encoreI got everything and I'm living off of revengеI been burning bridges, I'll do it all over again'Cause I'm bеtting on me, me, meMe, me, meMe, me, meOoh, I'm betting on me, me, meMe, me, meMe, me, me, ohHeard you fucking these lames, and ain't lose no sleep about itAlways speaking my name, I can't lose no sleep about itSay that shit to my face, you know I'm gon' slide about itPut that bitch in her place, she ain't make no peep about it, oh (oh)Feeling like a billion, ohFeel I got my drill on your ho, oh (oh)I'm just living my goalsPressure makes diamonds, can't fold, ohI got no reason to depend on youNo reason to make friends, I'm cool, ohI got no reason to depend on youNo reason to make friends, I'm coolI got everything that I need, and I want more (want more)I can't take my foot off they neck, it's an encore (encore)I got everything and I'm living off of revenge (of revenge)I been burning bridges, I'll do it all over again'Cause I'm betting on me, me, meMe, me, meMe, me, meOh, I'm betting on me, me, meMe, me, meMe, me, me, oh(I'm betting on, I'm betting on me)(I'm betting on me, me, me, oh) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/juljina/message

Lyrics Why is it so hard to accept the party is over?You came with your new friendAnd her mom jeans and her new VansAnd she's perfect and I hate itOh, so glad you made itI'm so glad you could come backSomebody get the tacosSomebody spark a bluntLet's start the Narcos off at episode oneBring the ginGot the juiceBring the sinGot that tooWon't you just shut up know you're my favoriteAm IWarm enough for ya outside baby, yeah(Tell me that it's warm enough here for ya)Is it warm enough for ya inside me, me, me, meWarm enough for ya outside baby, yeah(Tell me that it's warm enough here for ya)Warm enough outside, inside me, me, me, meI get so lonely I forget what I'm worthWe get so lonely we pretend that this worksI'm so ashamed of myself think I need therapyI'm sorry I'm not more attractiveI'm sorry I'm not more ladylikeI'm sorry I don't shave my legs at nightI'm sorry I'm not your baby mamaI'm sorry you got karma comin' to youCollect your soul, get it rightWarm enough for ya outside baby, yeah(Tell me that it's warm enough here for ya)Is it warm enough for ya inside me, me, me, meWarm enough for ya outside baby, yeah(Tell me that it's warm enough here for ya)Warm enough outside, inside me, me, me, meSorry, I just need to see youI'm sorry I'm so clingy I don't me to be a lotDo you really wanna love me down like you say you do?Give it to me like you say you do?'Cause it's hard enough you got to treat me like thisLonely enough to let you treat me like thisDo you really love me?Or just wanna love me down, down, down?Warm enough for ya outside baby, yeah(Tell me that it's warm enough here for ya)Is it warm enough for ya inside me, me, me, me?Warm enough for ya outside baby, yeah(Tell me that it's warm enough here for ya)Warm enough outside, inside me, me, me, meWarm enough outside, insideWarm enough outside, inside me, me, me, me, me, me, meOh-whoa, is it warm enough outside, inside? --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/juljina/message

The words of this spontaneous song are an outflow from a silent retreat I recently completed. The retreat's purpose was to rest and simply be, listening and letting the Lord finish His sentences. To come and linger is a theme for me this year. As a mom of sweet littles, it can be challenging for me to make space to sit and be still. But my family needs me calibrated to Love every day. It's in these moments when I wait with God that I find what is most important for the day. I receive daily bread that satisfies not only myself; it can be broken, blessed, and multiplied to feed the 5,000 I encounter throughout the day. At my retreat, I was reminded of the Bible stories where the sun stood still. I felt the Father say, “I will still the sun for you. I will make space. I am time. Just come and be.” The Lord paused the sun during Joshua's battle. Perhaps rest is even more valuable than I realized—worth fighting for. And worth the sun being stilled, whether literally or figuratively. In an earlier journal entry, I wrote a note from Jesus, the Faithful and True, “If you will wait with me, I will multiply your time. If you will wait with me, I will take care of the rest. I have carved a space in the rock for you. Come nestle here. Come sacrifice your schedule here. To-do's will bow to ‘I love you's.' Your home needs you calibrated to me every day. Say yes, and I will make a way!” So this song is a conversation. An invitation and our reply. “Will you come and linger?” Yes, I love to linger with You.// Improvised Lyrics:Come and lingercome and lingercome and linger with MeYeah, come and lingeryeah, come and lingeryeah, come and linger with MeI will still the sunI will make space for you and MeOh, just come and lingerIt's where I want to beYeah, I will still the sunI'll make space to beOh, come and lingerYeah, sit alone with MeYeah, just come and lingerYeah, come and lingerOh, come and linger with MeI will still the sunI will make space to beOh, yeah, I'll just come and lingerSit close to MeYeah, I will still the sunI'll move mountains just to beOh, yeah, just come and lingerface to face with Me”Yeah, Jesus, we come to lingerWe come and lingerwe come and linger with YouMy Bridegroom, I come and lingerI come and lingerI come and linger with YouI'll rest in Your tempoMy schedule's at Your feetMy to-do list at Your feetAnd I will come and linger‘Cause my heart desires to meetYes, so we come to lingerwe come to lingerwe come to linger with YouLord, we come and lingerwe come and lingerwe come and linger with YouI will wait here for Your voiceIf You want to speakOh, but I am so contentJust to wait here and beAnd I rest here in Your choiceI desire to hear Your voicebut in silence we can beface to face, You and meOh, we love to lingerwe love to lingerwe love to linger with YouGod says that, "I love to lingerI love to lingerI love to linger with youOh, I'll stop time for youI'll still the sun just for youOh, ‘cause we war with restOh, yeah yeahYes, I'll stop the sun for you,I'll move it back ten steps for youI'll redeem the time just for youYeah, just come and lingerYeah, cause I love to lingerI love to lingerI love to linger with you"//Recording courtesy of Dimensions Center and Kevin McCroskey—Thank you!

Welcome to The Nonlinear Library, where we use Text-to-Speech software to convert the best writing from the Rationalist and EA communities into audio. This is: Mistakes, flukes, and good calls I made in my multiple careers, published by Catherine Low on September 16, 2023 on The Effective Altruism Forum. I'm Catherine, and I'm one of the Community Liaisons working in CEA's Community Health and Special Projects Team. This is a personal post about my career. I'm somewhat to the right of the main age peak of the EA community .So I've had a lot of time to make mistakes sub-optimal choices in my career. It has been a long and odd road from my childhood/teenage dream jobs (train driver, Department of Conservation ranger, vet and then physicist) to where I am now. Before I got into EA Fluke 1: Born into immense privilege by global standards (and reasonable privilege by rich country standards) Mistake 1: Not doing something with that privilege. I wish someone (maybe me?) sat me down and said (maybe a more polite version of)"You know which part of the bell curve you're on. Try doing something more useful for the world!". At school and university I was mostly just driven by curiosity about the world (plus avoiding situations where I would screw up important things). That led me to study physics and a smattering of philosophy in undergraduate, and then started a PhD in theoretical physics. I conveniently chose a subject area that meant few people would read my work, and the impact on the world would be ~zero (in my mind this was a feature, not a bug). Good call 1: I talked to other students in the research group before choosing a PhD supervisor This led me to have an unusually attentive and supportive team. I think this made a HUGE difference in my enjoyment and productivity during that time. It still wasn't incredibly enjoyable and productive, but I was much better off than most PhD students. Mistake 2: Mistaking my interest in the ideas with interest in the day to day work I'm very extroverted - and I knew that before starting the PhD. Theoretical physics research is very solitary - which I also knew. Did I think that through? Turns out no. Mistake 3: Not giving up sooner I was pretty sure research wasn't for me after 1.5 years. I should have stopped then. The obvious signs happened at the end of each holiday: The whole department: "Oh man, the undergrads are coming back, I'm so annoyed I have to teach, I wish I could just keep doing my research" Me: "Oh thank Christ! The undergraduates are coming back! I'll get to talk to people, and have some escape from the interminable research" I could have even written up a Master's thesis at that stage so I didn't even need to go home with nothing to show. But I was stubborn and spent another 2 years finishing my PhD. Mistake 4: Not exploring more options (even though they were scary) I went straight into teacher training. It was hard at first, but overall a pretty good fit for me. But I wish I explored other paths too. Good Call 2: Got really good at a valuable(ish) thing, and then used that as leverage to branch out a little I spent 11 years teaching. At first I worked hard on my regular teaching job and got good at it. Then that led me to be able to do lots of extra things; writing resources and assessments, then leading teams of writers and assessors, running science camps, getting involved in physics competitions, and consulting with government authorities. I became one of the go-to people in my little field - a moderately big fish in a teency pond. This was great for giving me more confidence and gave me more of a sense of my varied skills. After learning about EA EA sparked a big change in how I thought about my career (and my life more generally). Good call 3: I didn't let my age put me off changing careers In EA there is so much focus on students and young professionals - one of the reasons is because if we influence a young person to pursue a high impact career path, they will have ...

John Livesay, aka The Pitch Whisperer, is an incredible keynote speaker. His TEDx talk: “Be The Lifeguard of Your Own Life” has over 1,000,000 views and was featured in Larry King's Show. He has an innate ability to motivate company's sales teams to turn mundane case studies into compelling case stories so they win more new business. From John's award-winning career at Conde Nast, he shares the lessons he learned. Best-selling author and creator of the online course “Revenue Rockstar Mastery.” He hosts his own Podcast “The Successful Pitch” heard in over 60 countries. John has a new book, The Sale Is in the Tale, is a business fable set in Austin, Texas, and he's about a sales representative whose old ways of selling are not working anymore.   Questions  • Now, John, could you share with us in your own words a little bit about your journey? How would you say that you got to where you are today? • What are the three techniques that you teach, or that you promote, believe in that will help sales representatives or sales professionals to be more customer oriented and be able to really drive the sale home? • Now, as a Revenue Rockstar Master, because you have this online course Revenue Rockstar Mastery, what are some things that you teach in this course to help people to master their revenue? • You have a new book out, it's called The Sale is in the Tale. Can you tell our audience a little bit about that book? • Could you also share with our listeners what is the one tool, website or app that you absolutely cannot live without in your business? • Now, could you also share with us maybe one or two books that you've read recently, or even a book that you've read a very long time ago, but it has had a big impact on you? • Now, there's a lot more AI opportunities like platforms such as ChatGPT and Open AI. Are these tools that you believe for organisations, regardless of the industry, that these AI opportunities that are existing can help to propel sales in the business? Do you think it will probably even replace at some point the human interaction and storytelling? • What are three skills that you believe a sales professional needs in order to be successful? • Now, can you share with us as well what's the one thing that's going on in your life right now that you're really excited about? Either something you're working on to develop yourself or your people. • Do you have maybe one or two tips that you would give to our listeners as it relates to sales and customer service, just some golden nuggets based on your experience and all of the different things that you've garnered over the years? • Where can listeners find you online? • Do you have a quote or a saying that during times of adversity or challenge you'll tend to revert to this quote if for any reason you get derailed or something happens, and you need to just use that quote to get refocused and just jump back on. Highlights  John's Journey John shared that he felt that he's always been motivated by connecting with people emotionally and that's where storytelling really comes in. He had a background working for an ad agency, creating commercials for movies when they were coming out on home video and that's really where he learned his storytelling skills and then selling multi-million-dollar mainframe computers against IBM, he learned that whoever told the best story is the one that got the sale, and that people buy emotionally and not logically.   Me: That is so true. It's funny is that people buy emotionally and not logically because I've been preaching that in customer service for ages that the customers emotions are so important to the experience, because it's what they walk away feeling, what they remember most not necessarily what you said, but more so the feeling that they walked away with?  So, can you share with our listeners, I'm sure you have way more experience than I do and you probably even have statistical data to backup this particular principle. Share a little bit about that, in terms of why is it that emotional has such a greater impact on the buying journey?    John shared that we're wired for storytelling. So, if you think back to the days of when we all lived in caves, we told stories like fire. Now, we typically tell stories around PowerPoints at events. He thinks part of the reason is that it taps into a different part of our brain, if you start presenting a bunch of facts and figures to somebody, then they're in this analytical, sometimes decision paralysis mode. But if you tell a story, it taps into a different part of our brain, where people will relax a little bit, they think, “Oh, this might even be entertaining.” And it allows them to retain the information in a completely different way and that solves a big problem because most people after they have a sales presentation, or even a customer service experience, whatever they said is forgettable. But if you told a story that makes people feel seen and heard, that makes you memorable.    Best Story-Telling Techniques to Get the Sale! Me: So, sales and customer service go hand in hand and I think more and more as businesses evolve, and they recognize that they're not two separate activities in a business and they really need to be combined in the best way possible. What are the three techniques that you teach, or that you promote, believe in that will help sales representatives or sales professionals to be more customer oriented and be able to really drive the sale home?   John shared that the premise is that whoever tells the best sale is the one that's going to get the sale. So, honing your storytelling skills, the three things he teaches people are that a good story should be Clear, Concise, and Compelling. So, let's break those down.  Why does it need to be clear? Because if you confuse people with a bunch of acronyms, they're not going to tell you they're confused, they're just going to say no, the confused mind just said, “I don't think so, too much work.”  Why does it need to be concise? Well, you want them to be able to remember and retell your story to other people to become your brand ambassadors. And if your story goes on and on and doesn't have a point to it and isn't concise, nobody can remember, let alone repeat it.  And finally, why does it need to be compelling? Because when you tug at those heartstrings, you get that all-important emotional connection that we talked about. People have to feel something in those stories, the stakes have to be high in order for us to care about what's going on in this story.   Me: So, John, can you tell us what's the best sales story you've heard that had all those three components?    John stated that he will tell a story about a client he worked with, they had a piece of equipment that was making surgeries go 30% faster and they would present that fact to doctors, and they would sell some, but not very many. And they kept saying, “It's so logical, why are they buying?” And he said, because people buy emotionally, not logically even when they're a doctor.  And so, he asked them questions, and they crafted this story that has totally changed how people perceive them and buy the product.  Imagine how happy Dr. Higgins was down at Long Beach Memorial using their equipment when you go out to the patient's family an hour earlier than expected. And if you've ever waited for somebody you love to come out of surgery, you know every minute feels like an hour, the doctor comes out and says, “Good news, the scope shows they don't have cancer, they're going to be fine.”  And then turns to the rep and says, “You know, this is why I became a doctor, for moments like this.” Now that rep tells us this story to another doctor at another hospital, and the secret here is the other doctor sees themselves in the story and says, “You know what, that's why I became a doctor, I want your equipment too.”   Me: Very good. I like examples because they definitely tie into the real part of the show.   Revenue Rockstar Mastery Online Course – what is this course about? Me: Now, as a Revenue Rockstar Master, because you have this online course Revenue Rockstar Mastery, what are some things that you teach in this course to help people to master their revenue?   John shared that one of the things he teaches what he just did there, which is a case story instead of a case study, and teach people how to tell a story that other people see themselves in.  When the client heard that story they said, “Oh gosh, that gives us chills. Not only are we not telling a story like that, it never occurred to us to make a patient's family a character in the story.”  And so, he teaches you how to figure out how to tell that story and how to pull people in, see how he uses that technique, “If you've ever had to wait for somebody you love.” And even if you haven't, you could imagine what it would feel like to wait for somebody you love to come out of surgery that it would feel like every minute was an hour. And so, there are some techniques that he teaches people, so they go from just being a good storyteller to a great one.   Me: And what if you have a sales professional whose storytelling is weak, like they've never communicated like that before. This is definitely like a learning curve for them that is extremely steep, it's not like they've had maybe a few techniques down pat, they just need to kind of craft it a little bit better but it's all new to them. And they're shy, they don't like talking to people very much, how do you lift them out of that?   John shared that it sounds like there's two challenges there. One, being shy, not talking to people is completely separate, maybe sales is not the career for you. But second, he gives people a structure on how to tell a story because the good news is, you don't have to be a gifted athlete or singer to become a good storyteller, there's an actual structure to it.   There's the exposition where you describe, you paint a picture and pull us into the story and then you describe a problem as he mentioned, there has to be some emotional hook there that people care about what's going on.  And then the solution and then the secret sauce is what is the resolution? What is life like for somebody after they've bought something from you or hired you?   Me: Because at the end of the day, every business is solving a problem. So I guess, if you can change the perspective of the story, where the benefit is to the person that you're trying to sell to, and as you mentioned, create an image or a story that they're able to see this problem being solved in the easiest way possible, then they're more inclined to want to make the purchase.   John agreed. And you don't have to be pushy. When you tell a great story that somebody sees themselves in, then they just want to go on the journey with you, you pull them into the story and you pull them into wanting to work with you. It's like landing a plane, it's that normal and expected.   About John's Book – The Sale is in the Tale John shared about his book The Sale is in the Tale, it's set in Austin where he lives. So, it's a little bit of a love letter to Austin. And it's a story about storytelling, so you're being entertained and going on a journey of somebody whose old ways of selling of just pushing out facts and figures isn't working anymore. And they start to learn about the power of storytelling and it helps them not only in their career but in their personal life too.   Me: And where can our listeners access that book? Is it available as yet?   John stated that yes, it's anywhere you buy books, Audible, he's narrating it or Amazon wherever you want to buy a book, you can find it.   App, Website or Tool that John Absolutely Can't Live Without in His Business When asked about an online resource that he cannot live without in his business, John stated that calendar scheduling, it's between time zones, so he just can't imagine going back and forth with five different emails or phone calls trying to book people that way or getting himself booked that way. Those calendar links are everything.   Me: Is there a particular calendar application that you use or just the regular one on your phone?   John shared that he uses something called schedule OnceHub.   Books that Have Had the Biggest Impact on John When asked about books that have had a big impact, John shared that a book he read a long time ago, is Tim Sanders, The Likability Factor: How to Boost Your L-Factor and Achieve Your Life's Dreams. And he's done all this research on how the more likeable you are, the more empathy you connect with people. And doctors spend more time with patients they like, teachers spend more time with students they like. And so, it's a great book on how to up your likability factor.  And then he also wrote another one, more recently called Dealstorming: The Secret Weapon That Can Solve Your Toughest Sales Challenges instead of brainstorming, it's about dealstorming and how important it is to collaborate across divisions to get everybody on board to win business.   AI Replacing Human Interaction and Storytelling Me: Now, sales is one of those things in an organization that is the lifeline of the organisation, right? If the company doesn't sell anything, you can't make any money. And if they can't make any money, it cannot pay staff, it cannot reinvest, it just cannot continue. So, could you share with us, we're just emerging out of a pandemic, I know a lot of organizations definitely had to diversify and pivot and take on technology a lot more, especially if they didn't have it integrated into their business. Now, there's a lot more AI opportunities like platforms such as ChatGPT and Open AI.  Are these tools that you believe for organizations, regardless of the industry, that these AI opportunities that are existing can help to propel sales in the business? Do you think it will probably even replace at some point the human interaction and storytelling?   John shared that he doesn't think AI will ever replace the need for soft skills of storytelling, empathy and listening because what they can do is maybe help you write a proposal or a cover letter or a little faster than starting from scratch if you're someone that doesn't have that skill set innately honed in or worked on, but people are still going to want to buy from people is his prediction.   Skills that a Sales Professional Needs in Order to be Successful Me: And what are also let's see, three skills that a sales professional needs outside of the storytelling, the three C's that you had mentioned. What are three skills that you believe a sales professional needs in order to be successful? Because I believe people buy from people who they like and people who they know. And so, how do you get people to like you?   John stated that instead of getting people to know, like, and trust you, which that concept has been around forever. The problem with, “Oh, let me get you to know me” people think they should send more data and more facts. “Let me send you one more email about some data point.”  So, he's reversed that, and he says it's a gut heart head order, you have to start with trust in the gut. Is this safe? Is it a fight or flight? Is this email safe? The introduction he got that's a trust gets transferred, making eye contact. So, you start with trust, and then it moves up to the heart, which we talked about is where the likability factor is.  And the more empathy you show, the more likeable you are. And then finally, it goes to the head. And it's still not the time to get into the intellectual left-brain stuff. But you're answering by telling a story, the unspoken question everybody has when they hear you present or pitch anything, including yourself. Will this work for me? They might trust and even like you, but if they don't think what you're offering is going to work for them, they're not going to buy.   Me: Agreed, that makes sense for sure. So, you said that they need to like you and there's the heart component in terms of the empathy. And I've been asked the question quite a few times in some of my customer service training sessions, how do you teach someone to exercise empathy? Is that something that you touch on in your interactions with sales professionals?   John confirmed yes. An example is what's the difference between empathy and sympathy? Let's start there. Sympathy let's say you are a sales rep and you're walking in and you have an appointment and you see the receptionist has FedEx and UPS and the three phone lines ringing and two other people ahead of you. You could say, “Gosh, I'm sorry to bother you. But I have an appointment.” It's a little bit of sympathy maybe but empathy is you literally put yourself in their shoes. You go, “Wow, you must feel like an air traffic controller today, whenever you have a minute, let me know.”    Me: So, we focus on ensuring that we have more of those types of experiences then.   John affirmed Yes!   What John is Really Excited About Now! John shared that one of the things he's really excited about is he's crafted a new keynote talk called Tell Stories, Recruit Top Talent. And the Society of Human Resources has had him come speak and as well as Berkshire Hathaway Home Services. A lot of people are still struggling to find really good talent and they may be good at selling a home or selling whatever they do but they're not good at telling a story to recruit people to come work there.  And so, once they learn how to tell a story about what the culture is, and what it's like to work with them as a leader, and what stories of other people who've come on board, and how happy they are, then that totally allows them to get the top talent, typically from competitors to come work there.   Me: Is this like in an application or is it more through a website?   John stated that it's neither. It's something that people hire him to come speak at their sales meetings.   Me: Oh, so you're going in physically?   John shared that that's what he does for a living, people hire him to come speak at their sales kick-off meetings, typically on how to tell stories to win sales. And now they realize that HR is a sales function as well.   Me: Very true, because you want to recruit the right persons. And I find with customer service, as well, John, that if you can focus on getting the right people, it will mitigate a lot of the customer service issues that you have in the future. Have you found that for sales as well, if you get the right person to sell, because the hiring process is quite expensive, it's time consuming.   John stated that you want to develop relationships with people that you sell, so that they either buy from you again and/or send you referrals. And so, if you have a salesperson that knows how to do that, then they're not starting from scratch every day to try and find a new sale.   Tips as it Relates to Sales and Customer Service for 2023 Me: So, we're almost halfway through 2023. Do you have maybe one or two tips that you would give to our listeners as it relates to sales and customer service, just some golden nuggets based on your experience and all of the different things that you've garnered over the years?   John shared that one of the things that salespeople struggle with is they get stuck in what he calls the friend zone at work when someone says, “Oh, I'm interested, send me some information” and then they get ghosted, just like when you're in the dating world. And so, He thinks one of the key things to do is to realize that it's up to you to tell a story to intrigue people enough to want to continue the conversation and not get stuck at the friend zone at work.  And so, that's why storytelling is so crucial to continuing that path and also really allowing people to go at the pace that works best for them. One of the he thinks the worst things he's ever seen somebody in customer service do is, “Well, we've never had anybody else complain about this.”  When you say that to somebody, you've invalidated their experience and their feelings, they don't really care, “So what, I'm the first person to ever have a problem with this. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't fix it.” And a lot of customer service people like to say that to people, “Oh, wow, this has never happened before.” If he's a customer, he doesn't care it's ever happened before, it happened to him fix it.   Me: Agreed. That kind of dovetails into my next question. So, I know that your expertise is to go in and pitch to these organizations how to tell a story especially to sell. But let's say for example, you had to go into an organization to teach them.   Well, you wouldn't be really teaching them to pitch but let's say you're trying to get them to convince them to purchase a programme that will help to improve on their service. Because I find a lot of times with organizations buying the product is one but if the product requires a high level of maintenance from the organization, that's where it falls off.  I hear it a lot in Jamaica, you buy a car, the sales rep was running you down to buy the car and now you have the vehicle and you have an issues with it. Maybe something came on the dashboard, you can't get the sales rep, you can't get support at the dealership. How do you get them to that point where they recognize that the service is just as important as the sale because if the person doesn't choose to renew or buy a car again in five years, you practically lost that first sale.   John shared that he thinks it goes back to painting a picture again, telling a story of what happens if you don't have the service, like, “Do you need this warranty? I don't think so. Well, let me tell you a story of somebody who felt the same way that you did right now. And then six months later, something happened and versus a story of someone who did get the warranty and how grateful and happy they are they have it.  So, you have to paint that picture of what happens if you don't do what I'm suggesting versus what happens if you do do what I'm suggesting, and what you're really selling his peace of mind.   Where Can We Find John Online LinkedIn – John Livesay Instagram - @thepitchwhisperer Website – www.johnlivesay.com             Quote or Saying that During Times of Adversity John Uses When asked about a quote that he tends to revert to, John shared that it's a quote from Arthur Ashe, the famous tennis pro, he said, “The key to success is confidence. And the key to confidence is preparation.” So, anytime he feels concerned about something or overwhelmed, he realizes he has to think of himself like an athlete. And they practice, practice, practice before they get to the Olympics. And he needs to make sure that he's as prepared as possible for any new situation when it comes up.   Me: Thank you so much, John, for hopping on to Navigating the Customer Experience, sharing all of these great insights as it relates to sales, customer service, some of the key things that you need to be a great storyteller, why it's important to create that picture, create that situation so you can change the perspective of the person that you're trying to sell to. And even in a customer service situation as you said, create that feeling that they walk away feeling good and they can't walk away feeling good if the narrative that you're selling is not one that's giving them that feeling. So, your message was definitely well heard by me, I hope the listeners will get value out of it as well.   Please connect with us on Twitter @navigatingcx and also join our Private Facebook Community – Navigating the Customer Experience and listen to our FB Lives weekly with a new guest Links ·  The Sale is in the Tale by John Livesay ·  The Likeability Factor: How to Boost Your L-Factor and Achieve Your Life's Dreams by Tim Sanders ·  Dealstorming: The Secret Weapon That Can Solve Your Toughest Sales Challenges by Tim Sanders The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience Grab the Freebie on Our Website – TOP 10 Online Business Resources for Small Business Owners  Do you want to pivot your online customer experience and build loyalty - get a copy of “The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience.” The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience provides 26 easy to follow steps and techniques that helps your business to achieve success and build brand loyalty. This Guide to Limitless, Happy and Loyal Customers will help you to strengthen your service delivery, enhance your knowledge and appreciation of the customer experience and provide tips and practical strategies that you can start implementing immediately! This book will develop your customer service skills and sharpen your attention to detail when serving others. Master your customer experience and develop those knock your socks off techniques that will lead to lifetime customers. Your customers will only want to work with your business and it will be your brand differentiator. It will lead to recruiters to seek you out by providing practical examples on how to deliver a winning customer service experience! The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience Webinar – New Date Register Here    

V 公子，Vivienne， 是一个在新疆长大的女生，她说她到现在最美好的回忆就是在新疆山川草原里度过的童年。她从小被“放养”，被有宏大情怀而又有细腻情感的军人爸爸，和简单纯粹的妈妈无限的爱包围，除了健康快乐，爸爸妈妈对她没有任何要求。一路从新疆走到北京，再到美国，求学工作，作为早期员工进入uber， 再到从抖音Tik Tok 从0到1的搭建，用她自己的话说，工作的第一个10年，都在“轰轰烈烈”的做一些“宏大叙事”的互联网产品。因为她最爱的父亲的重病，V 公子离开了那段和自己男朋友要约在某个国外出差的城市才能见上一面的生活，回到了新疆；她也曾质疑自己放弃年薪百万，仕途光明的事业是不是最大的失败；最爱的父亲去世和自己女儿的到来，再加上她的正念生活方式的创业项目Heartly Lab ，都是在同一时间，结束，开始，启动的。一个新手妈妈，她对于妈妈这个身份的理解让我耳目一新；她对于生命结束和开始的流动性让我有了新的感悟；因为刚刚经历生宝宝，她也有一些非常实用的帮助产后妈妈防止抑郁的方法要分享； 一路走来，Vivienne 越来越会用心去去做选择和决定，因为她说“我相信每一个成功的人，他一定不会用逻辑来回想她这一生的高光时刻，应该都是感性的，用心去体察的一些感受。”每次和Vivinne 聊天都很治愈，她婉婉道来，不急不缓，却有力量，这次她选了 Stand by Me 来结束这次聊天，因为她说，我们讨论的问题，好像是问她，也是问我自己，她的回答，也是给自己一个答案。我们在国际妇女节的这一天录制了这期节目，我也在节目的最后分享了做 Lead Her Way 的初衷，希望我们 stand by each other. Show Notes00:02:52 童年V公子： 说起童年，我一直都觉得是我人生中，我觉得最宝贵的一段经历，也是我特别珍惜的。我相信我们都有在晚上躺在床上，我觉得无意间你一定会想起一些很美好细小的这种事情的时候，我都会无意中想到我童年的很多时光就真的是在这种大家以为的新疆就是户外，然后真的是山川草原，然后包括林子里面去捉小鸟，然后去捉蜻蜓，然后是在草草自己旁边观这个观察蚂蚁打架。00:04:28父母V公子：我父母很爱护我，他们不对我有任何的要求，他们给我充分的时间让我去玩，给了我充分自由生长空间，我爸妈一直说对我最大的两个期望就是希望健康和快乐，我觉得他们做到了，他们除此以外真的没有对我特别多的要求。00:16:54 父亲离开V公子：这个问题让我现在特别想他，然后又想到了他的样子…..00:20:19创业V公子：我其实想说我想分享给更多的人，因为我觉得我很多的想想，我做的很多事情，我不是因为为了去达到父母的期望，因为其实他们没有给我期望，我觉得我想做事的那些动机都是因为我感受到了很多爱，和我见过特别多的美好。而那种最天然的、时间最长的那种美好的那种体验和经历，确实都是我在家里经历的。00:32:19为什么是我？V公子：我觉得他可能就是因为嗯，我个人的这样一个我觉得由内而外的一种，就是我觉得对自我探索的驱动，以及结合可能以往我们说主观的，我们经历了什么，或者说我有什么能力？00:34:19融资V公子：这种成功我觉得还是在商业上的，所以我也习得了很多这里面的我觉得方法论。反过来就说我融资，最早期的这个第一轮，我觉得我是真实的在讲，我觉得我自己为什么想做，以及我觉得怎么去做。然后当然这里面可能有产生的一些我觉得困难和一些限制，然后我是怎么预判的？00:39:43做决定的黄金标准V公子：我觉得我天然可能有一种臣服的能力，就是在我不知道怎么做决定的时候，我会等一等。然后有一个黄金标准是什么？我经常会去想，如果明天我就可能我的生命就结束了，这个事情我不做是不是会让我后悔？00:40:00生命的轮回V公子：考虑到一个生命的终止和在这一世的死亡它意味着什么，就想到了新的生命，所以这些我觉得是特别天然的，所以那个时候我觉得我已经特别准备好了要迎接一个新的生命，既不是逃避，也不是从一个这种好像失望的谷底要求得一个新的希望。01:01:59非主流价值观V公子：我觉得我们有非常多个平行世界，每个人认为的主流和非主流和边缘其实非常相对。01:07:15 刻骨铭心的痛苦V公子：我觉得我有一段挺刻骨铭心的痛苦，嗯，那个是因为我把它当成了一种失败，但现在我不觉得是失败。01:18:13情绪波动和冥想V公子：当你有了极大的情绪波动的时候，先把你的专注力放到呼吸上去，观察这个一呼一吸，然后这样一个简单的一个动作，然后感受你身体，包括你是不是生气发怒的时候，这种血液喷张、手掌紧握的这种拳头紧握的感觉，其实它都其实是有一个叫停和让你回归到你当下……01:26:42 会对25岁时候的自己说： V公子：我觉得硅谷那阵的文化，它会很鼓励这种hustling，其实它是一种非常强的competitiveness，我觉得大家会去无限的去推崇这种我觉得我很好，但我现在反过来看，我其实觉得那时候自己嗯是非常不 humble 的……V公子推荐的三本书：《禅者的初心》《恩宠与勇气》《正见》关注 Heartly Lab:小程序 Heartly Lab 冥想；公众号：Heartly Lab 哈梨冥想歌曲：Stand By Me, (Ben E. King)When the night has comeAnd the land is darkAnd the moon is the only light we'll seeNo, I won't be afraidNo, I won't be afraidJust as long as you standStand by meSo darlin', darlin', stand by meOh, stand by meOh, standStand by me, stand by meIf the sky that we look uponShould tumble and fallOr the mountains should crumble to the seaI won't cry, I won't cryNo I won't shed a tearJust as long as you standStand by meAnd darlin', darlin', stand by meOh, stand by meOh, stand nowStand by me, stand by meAnd darlin', darlin', stand by meOh, stand by meOh, stand now Stand by me, stand by meWhenever you're in trouble won't you stand by meOh, stand by meWon't you stand by

I greet you in Jesus' precious name! It is Tuesday morning, the 17th of January, 2023, and this is your friend, Angus Buchan, with a thought for today.“For your obedience has become known to all. Therefore I am glad on your behalf; but I want you to be wise in what is good, and simple concerning evil. And the God of peace will crush Satan under your feet shortly.”Romans 16:19We need to be wise in what is good these days, there are so many counterfeit things going on. We need to be very simple when it comes to being concerned about evil. God has promised you and me that He will crush satan shortly. In other words, keep it simple. Stay pure and innocent. God, Himself, will deal with the devil. Don't be gullible regarding sweet talking. Stay alert at all times. The Lord Jesus Christ, Himself, shall deal with evil, ungodliness and the things of evil in this world. But rather enjoy your time with the Lord. Don't allow satan to rob us with his filthy lies and accusations.You say, quite correctly, “But it's not fair.” No, it is not fair. We are living in a very fallen world. You are quite right, but do you know something? It's not over yet. Do your part and let Jesus do His part. What is our part? Well, Micah 6:8 puts it so beautifully. He says we must do justly, we must love mercy and we must walk humbly with our God. So, do not allow the devil to rob your joy today. Do you remember that old song that we always sing? I would like you to sing it with me if you can.And I have decided to follow JesusI have decided to follow JesusI have decided to follow JesusOh no turning back, praise the Lord, no turning back. And the Cross before me And the world behind meAnd the Cross before meAnd the world behind meOh, the Cross before meAnd the world behind me,Oh, no turning back, praise the Lord, no turning back.Let's follow the Cross and we won't put a foot wrong.Jesus bless you and have a wonderful Tuesday,Goodbye.

Rama Sreenivasan is a co-founder and CEO at Blitzz, a live remote video support and inspection platform. Rama has led the company through its initial inception launch and subsequent growth to several million video support minutes per month. Major customers include BMW, Sealy, FedEx, and Rogers Telecommunications. Before founding Blitzz in 2017, Rama spent several years working as a Scientist and Educator. His biggest joy comes from helping others solve their problems and he is passionate about finding effective ways to disseminate knowledge. Rama has a PhD and MS in Chemical Engineering from the University of Maryland College Park. He also did his Postdoctoral research at MIT in Cambridge, Boston.   Questions We always like to give them an opportunity to share in your own words, how you got to where you are today and why you ended up on this journey that you are on? So, could you share with our listeners a little bit about Blitzz? What does Blitzz do? Is Blitzz an acronym for something and may I ask? I'm not sure if you actually have a reason for it. But like, what inspired you to name the company Blitzz? The whole method of augmented reality enabled Smart Glasses that your company is using to enable hands free support, making it even easier to fix a car stereo appliance and more. Could you share a little bit about how that works? And what the process is? And how easy has it been for customers to transition using this new method of resolution? What are some trends that you see emerging in 2023 and beyond as it relates to technology, maybe one or two that you have observed, or you see that are emerging that you'd be willing to share with our audience? Could you also share with our audience what's the one online resource, tool, website or app that you absolutely can't live without in your business? Could you also share with us maybe one or two books that have had the biggest impact on you? It could be a book that you read very recently, or even one you read a very long time ago, but it really has had a great impact on your life, and you just believe it would be a good value to share with our audience. Could you also share with our listeners, maybe one or two things that you do personally to stay motivated every day, despite any challenges or adversities that you may face? Could you also share with our audience, what's the one thing that's going on in your life right now that you're really excited about, either something you're working on to develop yourself or your people? Where can listeners find you online? Do you have a quote or a saying that during times of adversity or challenge you'll tend to revert to this quote, it kind of helps to get you back on track if for any reason you got derailed.   Highlights Rama's Journey   Me: So, even though we read the bio of our guests, the formal constructed background of where our guests history is, and how they got to where they are today, we always like to give them an opportunity to share in your own words, how you got to where you are today and why you ended up on this journey that you are on?   Rama stated that that's a pretty deep question. Start with a little bit about his background, he grew up in India and Indonesia, so two countries far away from here. And always been guided by a lot of the values from his parents, his dad was an engineer. He's retired right now and back in India, and his mom was a teacher as well. So, a lot of great values growing up and the fundamental thing was always trying to care for people, to help them. And his strength in math and science naturally led him to be an engineer, just like his dad.   And he always looks for opportunities to help people out with technology. And that's been his journey so far. But one thing led to another and here he is, running a software company, although, all his education was in chemical engineering, he did my Master's, his PhD post-doc, worked for a couple of semiconductor companies. But it was during that journey that he saw the need to help people with technology, as they struggled to troubleshoot equipment.   And so, the equipment came in through his engineering, the desire to help came through his value system. And then he started looking for technologies, he stumbled across technologies and he puts all these together and that's how Blitzz was born when he met his co-founder, KR, who used to work at Google before he joined him in starting Blitzz.   What Does Blitzz Do?   Me: So, could you share with our listeners a little bit about Blitzz? What does Blitzz do? Is Blitzz an acronym for something and may I ask? I'm not sure if you actually have a reason for it. But like, what inspired you to name the company Blitzz?   Rama shared that he'll start with the name Blitzz. Blitzz with one Z actually means getting something done fast and efficiently. There's also another meaning, which refers to the Blitzkrieg during World War. But the second meaning is what they're referring to here. The reason why they went with two Z's was honestly because one Z the website was already taken, so they went with two Z, that it was also a little cooler with two Z's. So, that's what Blitzz means to get something done fast and efficiently.   And regarding what it does, so they provide a way to have an app free live video call with anyone on the planet. As most people know today, in the video calls are pretty rapid, especially the pandemic got people started on video calling, especially in not just personally but at work as well. But many people don't know that it can be done without an app download.   And there are specific reasons why you want to do it without an app download especially when you're helping out a customer who's calling in into a contact centre, as you very well know, in customer service, you get a call in from someone that you've hardly met, you probably talking for the first time, they're probably frustrated with a piece of equipment, or perhaps their internet router, right? And to get on a video call with that person by asking them to download an app only frustrates them even more. So, there's got to be an easier way and that's what Blitzz is. He hopes that explained clearly what Blitzz is.   Smart Glasses – How it Works and the Process   Me: So, what intrigued me Rama, about interviewing you was this whole method of augmented reality enabled Smart Glasses that your company is using to enable hands free support, making it even easier to fix a car stereo appliance and more. So, I am all into customer experience, as you know, because that's the podcast Navigating the Customer Experience.   But I thought this was so cool that you could literally work with a client to not physically be in the same space but be using that technology to help them get their issue resolved. Could you share a little bit about how that works? And what the process is? And how easy has it been for customers to transition using this new method of resolution?   Rama shared that let him clarify that the Smart Glass hands free use case is, it's a different use case when it comes to someone, a consumer calling a contact centre. So, the Smart Glasses doesn't apply to that. That applies to technicians out in the field who are probably climbing up a windmill or cell phone tower or need their hands free to hold them to the study as they climb a piece of equipment or hold tools in their hands to follow instructions from a remote expert. So, that's the Smart Glass site.   But with consumers calling and say, if you've got a problem with your charger, as you charge your car in your ED vehicle, and you're not able to charge it, and you call the one 1800 number in the US, for example, that's what do you typically call for customer support. Somebody at a contact centre picks up the call and today they want to help you out, the whole idea is to get you going on your way.   But today, most of them operate blind meaning that they can't see your problem. And when they operate blind, they tend to ask a bunch of questions, which is typically aggravating because you're thinking to yourself in front of the car, if only you could see this. Well, that's what Blitzz is. At that point in time, the way it works is as a contact centre agent, you would simply send them a text link, they would get it on their phone.   So, while they had the phone to the air, now they will get a link to look at the phone take it away from their ear and look at the screen, they would click on the link, immediately the back camera turns on and within a few seconds without an app download, the contact centre agent is actually looking at the charging port of the car. So, just cuts down all those extra questions and they could point to things, they can mark images up, they can communicate very clearly as if they were standing right next to the person in front of the car just through remote video.   Me: All right, amazing. And how do you find technology helping customers because a lot of organizations are using technology and I do believe that it really should be used to enhance the experience to make things frictionless or effortless for the customer. But I also believe that the human element is still very critical to the experience that the customer has, because technology can fail. And so, how do you think as we transition and we move forward because I'm sure there's more opportunities for technology to be infusioned into the experience that we have, that we blended in such a way that they complement each other rather than create further frustration and pain and discomfort for customers.   Rama shared that he couldn't have said it any better. But right on point. The blending of technology and the human empathy is very important and that's what they focus on when they take Blitzz to the contact centres. So, the ability to get the customer agent eyes on the problem brings in that technology piece. And because of being able to see the problem and connect with the consumer who's calling in a pain free, frictionless manner, like you just mentioned, make sure that they're in sync, they understand each other. And then as they see the problem, now they can solve it better and perhaps, most of the cases, what happens is they're able to solve the problem and avoid sending out a technician or avoid sending the product back to the manufacturer and saving a ton of trouble by just being able to see it and solve it within a few minutes.   Trends Emerging in 2023 as it Relates to Technology   Me: Have you seen, you're in the whole technology space, I would say trends that you see emerging in 2023 and beyond as it relates to technology, maybe one or two that you have observed, or you see that are emerging that you'd be willing to share with our audience?   Rama shared that yes, absolutely. There are lots of tools that are AI related, even in the case of video, as video's getting more rampant in businesses, not just in personal communication, technologies like Blitzz come in almost every other month and capture more data and that data is fed into machine learning. And you can use that data very effectively to make downstream processes more efficient.   For example, even during a Blitzz call, how do we empower the agent to provide the right solution to the caller? Imagine the agent is able to immediately get access to an instruction manual based on the make and model of the equipment that the agent is supporting to troubleshoot, being able to pull that resolution step or the answer to the problem and giving the agent immediate access so that they can help the customer and have them go about their day, very, very quickly, is very powerful.   So, AI, augmented reality video are all the tools that are coming out with great efficiencies, much like 10 years ago, chat came about for customer experience. So, he would like to say that video is like the new chat, because now your eyes are on the problem.   App, Website or Tool that Rama Absolutely Can't Live Without in His Business   When asked about an online resource that he can't live without in his business, Rama shared that that's a good one. He's been thinking about it for a bit. He would say, for him, the biggest value is just the cloud, even if he loses his laptop today, and there are lots of tools, but all those are cloud based tools. Even if his laptop is lost, he can go get another one and just seamlessly continue working as if nothing was missing. Because all the data, be it Gmail, be it tools, collaborative tools like Slack, or be it a CRM like HubSpot for his business. All these tools are on the cloud and he could just go get another laptop and continue working.   So, he would say, connectivity to the cloud is what he would need absolutely for the business. And they're all cloud-based tools important to migrate. It's really important to migrate to the cloud for businesses who are looking to the future because of the ease of working in the cloud is just incredible.   Books that Have Had the Biggest Impact on Rama   When asked about books that have had the biggest impact, Rama shared that the book that comes to him was The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. That's more of a personal journey of being very mindfully aware of his strengths and weaknesses, it's kind of a metaphysical book, but it really made him aware of his own thinking process, and who he is as a person. And what does he want to do with his life.   There's also another book, he's actually looking for around as he speaks. It's a more recent book, it's by the author Dan Bapani and he has written a very good book on the ability to concentrate or the power of concentration. And he's really enjoyed reading that book because it again, helps him be very mindfully aware of everything he does on a daily basis and be the best he can be. Both these things have really helped him be very present and live consciously.   How Rama Stay Motivated   When asked about how he stays motivated, Rama shared that he would say that would be definitely some yoga and meditation, that really puts him centre and it makes sure that things that really keep him keep me on track, he doesn't give up on those habits.   The funny thing about great habits is they get you to a spot where you're really enjoying life and that paradoxically also makes you not pursue those habits. So, you have to keep doing what you did to get there in order to be able to stay there. For him that is yoga and meditation.   What Rama is Really Excited About Now!   When asked about something that's going on right now that he's really excited about, Rama shared that he would say being a father of two small kids, 5 and 7. And running a company, trying to scale it. He's always trying to find more balance and one of the other things he's added in his life that he's actually gotten back to because he couldn't do it when the kids were younger, was climbing. So, he loves climbing and what he's really excited about is to get back to Yosemite, which is really close by in the valley and do some multi pitch climbing, which means climbing several pitches of rock. And that is pretty, pretty adventurous and exhilarating for him.   Me: Yes, that sounds very exciting and dangerous. But I suppose it depends on your perspective.   Rama shared that it's actually surprisingly, if you do it well, a joke to people, what typically is more dangerous is driving to Yosemite, rather than climbing because it's easier to get into trouble driving a car too fast than doing something very slow, like climbing, which is actually very controlled, provided you're very mindful.   Me: Yeah, and I do imagine there's some amount of skill involved in climbing as well.   Rama agreed, yes, there is but it does take some time and definitely getting trained with a good teacher is important, but again, what he's realized is being very conscious about everything you do, being very hyper aware of what you do, really helps to be safe.   Where Can We Find Rama Online   LinkedIn – Rama Sreenivasan Website – www.blitzz.com   Quote or Saying that During Times of Adversity Rama Uses   When asked about a quote or saying that he tends to revert to, Rama shared that he thinks of Bill Watterson, he's the author of Calvin and Hobbes, and he tries and bring in a little bit of humour in the face of adversity, and he said it through Calvin, his quote was, “God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I'm so far behind that I am certain that I shall never die.”   Me: Okay. And would you like to expound on that for our audience and explain what that means?   Rama shared that he just thought it was really funny, he was kind of a self-deprecating humour. I'm here to accomplish a certain number of things. And we all get stuck in the rat race, right, trying to do so much but what when you stop back and think, right now, it's nice to laugh at yourself and say, “Hey, we're so far behind and all the list of things that I have to do that if I have to get all of them done, according to God, I should never die because I'm so far behind.”   Me: Oh, my goodness. Yes, it's quite comical. If only that were true, we all do have an expiry date, we just don't know when.   Rama agreed yes. But sometimes he feels at least his personality, he tends to take himself too seriously. So, he has to remind himself to also lighten up, let go and we're all here to help each other out and have a good time and take care of other people.   Me: Indeed. Well, thank you so much Rama for taking time out of your very busy schedule, to hop on our podcast, Navigating the Customer Experience and just share with us some of the trends that you see emerging in the technology space, why technology needs to still be fused in with the human interaction, the human experience, because at the end of the day, neither of them can function on their own and blended together that will definitely create a better experience for customers. And so, we appreciate you sharing all of the great nuggets and insights in our conversation today and so we just want to express our gratitude to you for that.   Please connect with us on Twitter @navigatingcx and also join our Private Facebook Community – Navigating the Customer Experience and listen to our FB Lives weekly with a new guest   Grab the Freebie on Our Website – TOP 10 Online Business Resources for Small Business Owners   Links The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Toole   The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience   Do you want to pivot your online customer experience and build loyalty - get a copy of “The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience.”   The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience provides 26 easy to follow steps and techniques that helps your business to achieve success and build brand loyalty. This Guide to Limitless, Happy and Loyal Customers will help you to strengthen your service delivery, enhance your knowledge and appreciation of the customer experience and provide tips and practical strategies that you can start implementing immediately! This book will develop your customer service skills and sharpen your attention to detail when serving others. Master your customer experience and develop those knock your socks off techniques that will lead to lifetime customers. Your customers will only want to work with your business and it will be your brand differentiator. It will lead to recruiters to seek you out by providing practical examples on how to deliver a winning customer service experience!

The Best of the Worst and Worst of the Best In our last several +1s, we've been having fun hanging out with world-class mental toughness and peak performance coach, Brian Cain.   And, trust me.   Any time spent with Cainer is going to be fun.   He is EASILY one of the most inspiring human beings on the planet. You can't help but feel energized just being in his presence.   So…   Today we're going to talk about one of the lines in his little fable on The 10 Pillars of Mental Performance Mastery that jumped out at me and tattooed itself on my consciousness.   It's about being average.   Coach Kenny is the guide in the fable. He's coaching a burned-out executive.   He tells him: “‘You are like most people,' Coach Kenny said. ‘And we call that average. Like I have said, I hate the word average. It means you are the best of the worst and the worst of the best. It's a terrible place to live.'”   Me: Oh, snap!     Average.    It's the best of the worst. And the worst of the best.   Stuck right there in the middle of the rugged mountain we call mediocrity.    Not where we want to hang out.   Brian has Coach Kenny say: “You are giving the world your B or C game and you don't even know it because you have never been trained on how to give your A game.”   And: “The world needs you at your best. You can't be normal, you must be elite.”   And: “If you don't have a plan, how are you getting better? The problem is when you stop getting better, you start getting bitter, and nobody likes being around people who are bitter all the time.”   Lest you think that wisdom is just some rah-rah, pom-pom waving goodness from an overly ambitious peak performance coach, how about this parallel wisdom from one of the twentieth century's great spiritual teachers, Eric Butterworth?   As we've discussed, Butterworth was Maya Angelou's spiritual teacher. And, apparently, Oprah considers Discover the Power Within You one of her all-time favorite books.   So…   Here's how Butterworth puts it in one of MY all-time favorite books, Spiritual Economics.   He tells us: “Why be an average person? All the great achievements of history have been made by strong individuals who refused to consult statistics or to listen to those who could prove convincingly that what they wanted to do, and in fact ultimately did do, was completely impossible.”   Average.   It's the best of the worst and the worst of the best.   As Sylvester Stallone tells us his son in Rocky IV (check out this inspiring scene!): “THAT'S NOT YOU! YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT!!”   Let's commit to getting just a little bit better today in service to something bigger than ourselves as we remind ourselves that the process of becoming the best, most Heroic version of ourselves is SUPPOSED to be challenging and that the only antidote to mediocrity is excellence.   Remember: The MOMENT we live with Areté we ARE Heroic.   Let's do that.   Today.

Sanja Licina is here to discuss with us all of the wonderful things that we can help you to master your customer experience. Her goal in life is to help make people happier. Most of us spend so much of our lives working and there is still a tremendous opportunity to help people feel better connected to their companies, to their colleagues and to feel passionate to make a difference with their work.   So, she's dedicated her career to helping companies create a culture that employees love to be part of. She has been fortunate to travel to over 60 countries and lives on three continents. And through this journey meets the most amazing, inspirational and passionate people. Collaborating this incredibly diverse group has given her even more confidence that together she can make a difference. Those who know her are aware of her deep passion for data and technology, which will be a key to helping all of us transform the world of work.   Questions   Could you share with us a little bit about how you got to where you are today? Could you share with our listeners what is QuestionPro? And how does that really dove tail or fit into the whole customer experience puzzle? How does your company help customer experience? QuestionPro focuses a lot on market research. Could you share with us if your target is predominantly large companies, or let's say for example, someone has an organisation with 20 employees, but they have a pretty large customer base, would your company be able to provide services for them as well? what are some key indicators or trends that you have noticed since you're already in this space, what do you think companies need to be focusing on in order to ensure that they're really tapping into the needs of their customers? Could you share with our listeners, how do you stay motivated every day? What makes you keep going? Could you also share with our listeners, what's the one online resource, tool, website or app that you absolutely can't live without in your business? Could you share a book that has had the biggest impact on you, it could be a book that you read a very long time ago or even one that you read recently. Could you share with us what's the one thing that's going on in your life right now that you're really excited about, either something you're working on to develop yourself or your people? Where is the best place that listeners can find you online? Now, before we wrap our episodes up, we always like to ask our guests, do you have a quote or saying that during times of adversity or challenge, you'll tend to revert to this quote, it kind of helps to get you back on track if for any reason you get derailed or just get you back on track with what you're working on. Do you have a quote like that?   Highlights   Sanja's Journey   Me: Even though we read your bio that basically gives us a summary of what you do. But we love to hear from our guests in their own words, a little bit about how they got to where they are today.   Sanja stated that as mentioned, she's had a privilege of living on three different continents. And she's actually talking with Yanique right now out of Buenos Aires, Argentina. She was born and raised in Belgrade, Serbia, and spend about half of her life in the United States. And so, for her, she's had this incredible pleasure of interacting with so many different people in her life path both personally and professionally.   And so, her profession is Organizational Psychologist and she actually currently is president of a business unit called the Workforce at a company called QuestionPro. And they also have a customer experience business unit. So, in her life, she feels like she's had, again, this personal/professional intersection where she had a pleasure working for an organization that's not only helping people feel seen and valued at work, but also has this tremendous focus on customer experience. Because we're all the same thing, we don't look at the person and say, “Okay, you're an employee now. But five minutes later, you're a customer only. And then maybe you're going to be an employee, again.” We really of course, are all of these things.   And additionally, no kids and parents and spouses and a million other things. So, she looks at that life experience, and she just have this huge passion for helping people be seen, and really helping organizations, whether it's from customer experience, or employee experience, understand the why behind people's behaviours and people's needs. Because when we understand that is really when we have this tremendous opportunity to provide people with better cultures, with better services, with better products, platforms, etc. So, she could go on and on, but she'll turn the mic back over.   What is QuestionPro?.... How Does Your Company Help Customer Experience?   Me: I mentioned in your bio, as well, as you mentioned just now in giving us a little overview of who you are, that you are attached to an organization call QuestionPro. So, could you share with our listeners what is Question Pro? And how does that really dove tail or fit into the whole customer experience puzzle? How does your company help customer experience?   Sanja shared that she's had this incredible pleasure of actually about 15 years ago, being a customer of QuestionPro and using their survey technology to better connect with people who were looking for jobs, looking for different opportunities in the organization. And today, she sits on the other side, because again, her experience was so positive, as a customer that she thought she'd love an opportunity to actually join and help QuestionPro have an even wider reach and work with more organizations.   And so, when it comes to customer experience again, QuestionPro has multiple different divisions, and they're also really big in market research. So, they have access to over 40 million people worldwide to really be able to understand consumer behaviours, employee behaviours, purchasing whatever it is that an organization or research institution is looking to solve.   They have both the technology, the expertise, and helping them craft those questions, as well as the audience to really help them solve those challenges. And then they also have the CX and EX business units, they really work seamlessly together. CX in particular, working with organizations again, to understand how do they best connect with people that they're doing business with?   How do they reach them in the point that they can get the best information around their perception of who they are as an organization, their satisfaction, and how do they interact. And then, of course, the EX part where it fills that loop because there's so much research where they see that how satisfied you are in your job, how connected you feel to the company's mission and vision that has a huge impact and how you interact with customers.   So, they've really at QuestionPro look for these multiple ways to understand the world around us that as we know, is just changing faster than it ever has before. And we have every reason to believe that that's just going to exponentially accelerate, and be able to give this holistic vision of what that customer experience is, not only in a way that person interacts with a product or a platform or a brand, but really understand, again, from all of these different angles as an organization, what can their clients do better and differently to really give their customers a better experience.   So, it's all very much research based, data driven and they really pride themselves on creating these very empathetic conversations. She was mentioning earlier the why, they want every person to feel seen, to feel heard, that when that conversation is happening, they really truly believe that the organization on the other end cares about them as an individual, not only about the consumer of their product. And she thinks the more data they have, and the more holistic understanding they have of that, the better off they'll be as a society and the better off each one of their clients will be.   Does Your Company Target Predominantly Large Companies? What Companies Need to Focus on in Order to Ensure That They Tap into the Needs of Their Customers   Me: So, QuestionPro focuses a lot on market research. Could you share with us if your target is predominantly large companies, or let's say for example, someone has an organization with 20 employees, but they have a pretty large customer base, would your company be able to provide services for them as well? That's part A of my question. And then Part B. In terms of market research, what are some key indicators or trends that you have noticed since you're already in this space, what do you think companies need to be focusing on in order to ensure that they're really tapping into the needs of their customers? Because sometimes a company offers something to a customer, but I think they're doing it for your own benefit and not necessarily what the customer actually wants or needs.   Sanja stated that they are both great questions from a standpoint of what kind of organizations they work with, they actually span a very, very wide, wide range. They even have, of course, they work with larger companies. However, they even have programmes where they have free platforms, free programmes for entrepreneurs, because they believe that really stand apart experience does not only sit with the largest organizations, it's everyone that wants to really bring a unique idea to the world, to the marketplace.   They all are looking to have conversations with those individuals that they're looking to serve. And the better educated, the better targeted conversation you can have, the more quickly you can iterate on your product and on the way that you interact with your consumers to really make sure that what you're bringing out there is relevant, it's timely, and that you're adjusting it based on the market needs. So, when it comes to the part A of your question, when it comes to organizations, they really work whether you have 20 employees or whether you have 200,000 employees, they work with those organizations.   Now, when it comes to trends, she mentioned she an Organizational Psychologist. So, research is at the heart of everything she does. Data is what drives her decisions. And she's been an Organizational Psychologist for quite a while, so she's seen during her studies, they mostly relied on survey data to really inform their research, understand what's going on. Since then, there's been an explosion of behavioral kind of data, there's just a lot more information available for organizations to make a decision, which is absolutely phenomenal. What a what an incredible luxury for us to have.   However, one of the things that she noticed a few years back is a lot of people, very boldly saying, “Well, now that we have all this behavioral data, who needs surveys anymore?”   And she just thought this was even way before she worked at QuestionPro. She just grabbed her heart, and she thought, but what do you mean, these are to her, she calls it empathy at scale. It's these conversations we can have with people at scale to understand what they need, to understand how they feel, to have them feel seen and heard.   Behavioral data, again, is phenomenal and she would never discount it, but when you see how a person is acting, and oftentimes she'll compare that to a personal relationship.   So, for example, if her husband comes home, and he's behaving a certain way, if she's in a good relationship, would she not ask him what's going on? And she sees this behavioral data, he must have had a bad day at work, well, maybe it was his family, maybe he's not feeling well, there could be all of these different reasons.   And so, a big part of the reason why she loves what they do is they provide organizations a platform to have this conversation, to have it in a very humane way. And a lot of the trends that we're seeing, and we're also trying to influence.   She remembers again, back in the day, 20 plus years ago, when she was getting her PhD, a lot of times surveys, she guess, for lack of a better word, were very surgical, you would ask somebody based on your experience, how would you rate this on a scale of one to five, but there's so much more humanity that can be entered into that if you are interacting with any kind of product or platform, you're doing it for a reason.   And so, that organization has an opportunity to ask you, “Hey, we know what are you looking to accomplish for this, when you chose us, what was that reason? What are maybe some of your goals that you're looking to accomplish today?” So, maybe somebody is buying a piece of makeup, and we assume that it's for something aesthetic for themselves, but maybe it was for a family member, maybe it was in a moment that they're working on self-improvement, there is so much that can be understood when you think of a person that you're interacting with, as a human, as somebody, all of us, no matter how good of relationships we have, when you sit across, she will call a table even though it's a virtual table, virtual survey, and you feel like somebody's asking you questions where they truly care about you, you'll never want to miss that conversation.   And for the organizations on the other side, the amount of insights that you will get not only about necessarily a specific interaction that somebody had with one person in a store, but to open up that opportunity to have a conversation with someone and we're seeing so many changes in the market, we're seeing changes in people's behaviour.   For example,  she bought a piece of makeup recently, and she ordered it online. And she did so because this never happened in her life, but she lost her entire makeup bag travelling back from New York. Exactly. She was pretty calm about and she said, okay, let her think about different pieces that she needed. And she ordered something online because her schedule is chaotic and balancing her work and her four-year-old and her family and many different things.   And she could have walked to the store, but she just didn't have a chance to. And so, she ordered something online, and unfortunately, they sent her the wrong thing. It happens, not big of a deal, we'll figure it out. She went to the store, they said she needed a code to change it. Okay, it was a little sad, it's going to be just difficult. She came back and they gave her an email to write to and she wrote and somebody very nice wrote back and said, “Well, we're so sorry, we made a mistake. Okay, well, here's the shipping label, if you could print it out and go to the shipping store.” And she said, “I'm really sorry, that's not going to work for me. I ordered this because I just don't have the time. And now you're asking me to go to one place print a label, go to another place and mail this, wait for it to come back home.”   And they came back, and they said, “Okay, we'll make an exception.” But in some ways that was a missed opportunity for a conversation if they can know the location where she's in, so it's that behavioural data, they see that she ordered something, the solution that they provided out of the goodness of their heart didn't make sense to her. But if they took that opportunity to just ask a few questions and say, “Hey, we're looking to solve your challenge. Can you just help us understand what was the main reason you ordered online?” They probably could have given her much quicker, a better solution, without her being frustrated.   So again, it's every time thinking about that individual that put trust in a brand that choose, we have so many options for everything these days. And it's so much easier to choose than it was ever before because so many things are online, so much advertising is online, so you're aware, not only are there more options, but she thinks we're aware of more options than we ever were before. To ask those like, what was the reason for something, to get to know a person a little bit better, you can start to build out that persona, and at a scale, have a better understanding of people in one to one how you have that conversation and how you collect the information will tremendously help build that relationship. You can probably tell she's very passionate about what she does, because she probably just talked for about 10 minutes straight, but she hopes it's at least a little bit helpful.   Me: Of course, definitely. Everything you said was just so valuable just now, it is really paying attention and being mindful and asking the right questions. And I say all the time that companies collect so much information from us from time to time, depending on the product or service that you're engaging with. And I don't find that they're really using that data to the best, to the fullest capacity. Sometimes they even ask questions to answers that they have already. And that just goes to show that they're not paying attention to the data that they're collecting. So, it's good for you to put it in perspective like that and give us an example. Because then it really brings it home, because it's not just about saying that I took information, but what did I actually do with it? And if I was asking the right questions, based on what was happening to you with the makeup situation, you would have probably gotten a way better solution and definitely one that you would have been pleased with.   How Sanja Stays Motivated?   When asked about how she stays motivated, Sanja shared that she is by nature a very positive person, a very optimistic person, a happy person. But she says even given that, she has her moments where she's just tired or cranky, so we're all human. It's not easy to ride that high all the time. But to her, there are a couple of things. She thinks that first if we keep in mind that there are all of those like different cartoons about careers and staying motivated, and the path to success and this ladder. And there's one where you see a really, really long ladder, and you feel like, “Oh, I'm never going to get there.” But then you look back and you see how much you've accomplished.   So, there's actually a book that she's halfway through now. It's called The Gap and The Game: The High Achievers' Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success and it was written by two gentlemen, Dan Sullivan, and was with Dr. Benjamin Hardy. It's a book about focusing on the things that you have accomplished more than the things that you have not accomplished yet. And it really resonated with her to the point that she was actually at the hairdresser on Saturday. And she was starting to get tears in her eyes because of the stories that they were sharing, she thought, ah, if more people can think this way, if more people can really take a step back and understand especially this happens not in the moments of celebration, right in the moments of celebration, and when something really great happens, you don't need to stay motivated, that celebration in itself might be enough.   But in the moments when you just tried something, and it didn't work. And we say ah, failure is so critical to success. But it's tough when it happens, and we need to talk ourselves into a better space and that's human. But one of the things that she really loved about this book, is this reflection on taking the time and looking back at what you have accomplished in the last month, in the last year, in the last 10 years. And she thinks if we do that more as people, if we do that more systematically, each individual person will realize how much they have to celebrate, and it doesn't mean that we should not be motivated by goals, of course, that's still important.   But more often than not, when we're achieving those goals, we're going to have missteps, we're going to make bets on things that we're going to be sure are going to help us and realize they didn't. And it's in those moments to take a step back and say, “Okay, but what did I do? How much of a difference have I made? How many people have I maybe helped along the way? And how much have they helped myself along the way?” Sanja thinks that is absolutely tremendously powerful.   And she was actually talking with a colleague of hers, and he asked her, “Oh, but Sanja, like, do you feel like you can do that all the time?” And she said, “Of course not, that's why I'm reading this book.” She's still very much a work in progress, all of us are. But finding, seeking out these ways to really help ourselves, especially during the moments that are challenging, and she mentioned before that she does believe the world around us is changing so quickly. And what's sometimes hard about that is that things that we experimented with before are things that we've had success with before. A lot of times, the circumstances around us have changed so much that if we repeat the exact same thing, we will not get that success. So, it's not just about this mastery of oh, I have experience, I'm older and wiser. But wait a minute, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years passed, since tried the strategy, the world around me is very different. I can try it again but if it doesn't succeed, I still need to have that passion and energy to try again.   So, she thinks really so much of it is about the mindset. But also people understanding that if something does happen that's not as successful as expected it to be, to give themselves some time to feel that frustration, almost like the 5-10 minutes or however long it takes of mourning, look back, reflect and then go ahead again. That's really where her mind is these days. And again, she's enjoyed this book tremendously and the mindset that it helps people develop. So, she would say that would be one of the ways that she stays motivated.   App, Website or Tool that Sanja Absolutely Can't Live Without in Her Business   When asked about online resources that she cannot live without her in business, Sanja shared that she was thinking about that question. And she thought as she looked at her thought phone, she thought, she has so many apps on her phone, and she has so many ways of communication. And as they were saying earlier in their conversation, she's lived in so many continents, and she has people that she loves and even more continents than where she's lived. So, to stay up on news and research and everything, it requires quite a few. But she would say the one publication that she really enjoys is Harvard Business Review, she thinks for her line of work, it's really powerful, the articles are very well thought out.   It rolls into the application that she may be use the most and that's probably LinkedIn, nobody's going to sit in their chair and be like, “Wow, I've never heard of that. Well, let me write it down.” But in to her, she really likes it because it summarizes a lot of her professional interests.   Of course, a lot of times LinkedIn is as good as the people you're connected with, and people that you follow. So, she tries to make a very conscious effort that if she reads books from authors that she enjoys, if they happen to be on LinkedIn, she either follows them or connect with them. She does the same for the publications that she enjoys, whether it's again, Harvard Business Review, or The Economist or any other ones.   And then it's also interesting, because she has to admit that unlike a lot of other maybe social media platforms, you tend to connect with more like-minded individuals, so that's something to be careful about. She tries to proactively connect with people or follow people who maybe have different experiences than her, maybe slightly different beliefs than her because it's one place where she feels like she can get more of, she guess in her professional life more so than personal life exposed to different ideas, although more people are sharing things personally on LinkedIn, which she really enjoys. And it's one place that she can pop into every once in a while, and it increases her awareness of maybe again, books that she should read or interesting articles or different viewpoints or, to your point, what's going on around the world, what are organizations doing, what are people researching.   And she also loves that it gives her a platform to share some of what she knows back. So, she probably consumes information from LinkedIn a lot more than she shares, but she tries to hold herself accountable. They do a lot of research at QuestionPro and that's one of the things. Again, she enjoys most even though really a big focus on her personal job is employee experience and working with organizations on that, she's doing a lot of market research herself.   And when she finds information that she feels like she hasn't really come across this before, she thinks for somebody that's in a similar practice as she is would find this valuable, it also gives her a platform in a way to have a conversation. So, she's not just consuming the news and consuming the information, but she can also try to add value to those that she's connected with as well. And that makes her feel really good.   And of course, some things she shares, she's sure some people find a lot of value and other things maybe a little less. But she loves that feeling that she can actually contribute to the society as much as she's taking back out of it. So again, she doesn't think anybody's writing this down as an application they've never heard of, they do. And she's been very conscious about how she uses it. And she has found a lot of value when she has limited time. And she can't go to all the many applications that she has, she feels like to her, especially professionally, but even personally, it adds a lot of value.   Books that Have Had the Biggest Impact on Sanja   Me: When we asked you how you stayed motivated, you did share one book with us. So, since you gave us one already, maybe you can give us one more book that you believe has had the biggest impact on you, it could be a book you read a very long time ago or even one that you read recently.   When asked about books that have had the biggest impact, Sanja shared that she has a whole list next to her, but she'll summarize it. And if you look at a lot of the books she has today are on Kindle, because it's not as easy to find books in English in Argentina, and she's a faster reader in it. So, she has professional books, she has her what they call, quote unquote, somewhat guilty pleasures, but a lot of times they're really beautiful novels. And then they have kid development books. Today she'll share the professional ones, for the audience will be maybe the most relevant.   The one that's still somewhat recent, but she just absolutely loves, in line with our conversation is Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know by Adam Grant. The reason she says that is because there's so many people with such strong beliefs and she thinks on the one hand, it's beautiful. And she thinks on the other hand, the more effectively we can open up our mind to other people's ideas, and understand where they're coming from, the better we're going to be as individuals. And in many ways, one of the areas she's really passionate about and she focus on is diversity and inclusion.   And the best way that we can really connect with others, feel compassionate, feel empathetic, understand where they're coming from, is to take the time to understand their perspective, take the time to understand where they're coming from, to her, personally, it is so incredibly fulfilling as a human. But she thinks as a humanity, the more effectively we can do that and the more effectively we can tell people why it's valuable to them, that it's not that somebody is going to talk with you to try to convince you that you're wrong. But if somebody wants to talk with you to give you an even better perspective, to give you even more knowledge, to give you a different view, it doesn't mean that you need to change your opinion. But that pretty much without fail, you're going to be a better person because of it. She thinks not only professionally, but as a humanity, the more effectively we can do that we'll be in such a better place.   So, it is a relatively recent book. And it's again, one of those concepts that when you hear and maybe it's not like, “Well, Sanja, that's really earth shattering!” But she thinks how we do it, how we approach it, and she catches herself still right? Like she catches herself being so strong in some of her beliefs and she's realized over her lifetime, that there were times that she was quick to judge someone, and there were times that she would have been a better friend, a better partner, a better leader, if she would have just taken time to listen.   She's gotten to the point that she's trying to very consciously be much more open minded in everything she does, sometimes she needs to be proactive about it, it still doesn't always come as naturally as she would like to, she thinks that's most things in life that we care about, we have to work on. But it's also how you approach it and how often you catch yourself that even if you believe, quote unquote, you're a certain kind of person to do some self-reflection and say, “Am I really being that person consistently? Am I really showing up for the people that I'm around, really being open minded, really rethinking my stances, from very maybe large societal things to maybe even some small things and how we run our CX and EX programmes.”So, she will just mention that one from her list. There are many more, but she thinks that was probably a good one.   What Sanja is Really Excited About Now!   When asked about something that's going on that she's really excited about, Sanja stated what a phenomenal question. Sanja shared that she runs a business and a lot, of course, how successful her business is comes down to revenue and comes down to the number of clients they have, and so, many times that's in North, but a lot of what she's reading about, and she's passionate about professionally and personally is how to impact those around her. And so, there are different ways that she's experimenting in being a leader first. And of course, a parent and a spouse and everything in her personal life for those people that are what she would call, for lack of better word, her first-degree connections, and comes of almost importance.   When they reflect back 5 years from now, 10 years from now, she wants them to think of her as a person that had a positive influence on them. One of the things that she's experimenting with, because she gets asked a lot about herself, she gets asked a lot about her career, her passions, and a lot of her life was not conventional. And a lot of the decisions that she's made could be surprising to people around why would she make it at that stage of my life? If she made that decision, how did she still end up where she is today? How does she maintain that happiness?   And so, something that she's thinking about actually have a podcast as well, where they reach a wider audience, and they talk about work related issues and life related issues. And so, one of the things she's thinking about is, how much does she want to scale out that impact? Doesn't make sense to have a broader audience? Does it make sense to try to reach more people and motivate them? Or is it not even motivate them, but make them feel confident, make them feel excited about taking risks, make them feel excited about what's possible that they maybe thought they could never accomplish. But really, truly they can. And that's one, it's a little high level, but she's just thinking about it from the sense of what's the best way to reach people in a very personal way? And like, we're saying things are changing, is it in the form of writing a book? Is it a form of continuing a show? Is it a form of videos, but her aspiration is, if any little thing that she says can actually leave people with a better feeling about themselves, she would love to be able to do that at larger scale.   And so, she's just going through the process of thinking, what is that best path now? So, she will keep us posted, she doesn't have all the answers yet. It's a little bit of an experimentation time, but that's something that she's been reflecting on recently. And she's feeling more and more passionate about, so she thinks that'll be somewhat of her next big project.   Where Can We Find Sanja Online   LinkedIn – Sanja Licina Twitter – @SanjaLicina   Quote or Saying that During Times of Adversity Sanja Uses   When asked about a quote or saying that she tends to revert to in times of adversity or challenge, Sanja shared you won't be surprised based on the books that she was just mentioning. And some of what keeps her motivated, it changes over time and it changes based on what she's experiencing at the moment. Right now, one that really resonated with her and again, this is personal and professional is, “Be thankful for you are now and keep fighting for where you want to be tomorrow.”   Me: Oh, very nice. Very simple. Very nice. I'm a big gratitude buff so it's nice to hear that the quote is actually has some level of gratitude in. I have a gratitude app that I write stuff in daily and I actually have a gratitude journal and a gratitude jar. So gratitude is something I practice consistently, I think it really helps. I think as human beings, we complain a lot about what we don't have and what we want, we're not satisfied with where we are. But if we do take time, I think to be grateful and thankful for where we are and what we do have, I believe that more will abound onto us naturally.   Sanja agreed, absolutely. I love that. And she loves that, that's one of her aspirations, like where you're mentioning, like journaling and writing that down…I'm very much a work in progress when it comes to that, she doesn't do it consistently. But she knows that there's tremendous value there.   And she thinks to Yanique's point, there are so many things happening around us that we can find ourselves saying, “I'm not good enough, I'm not doing this enough, I don't have enough money.” There's so many not enough's that it just an every single person, no matter where they are in their journey, have so many things that they can be grateful for, even during times of real hardship, when she thinks finding that is even more important and even much more challenging than during the days that the things are going well.   She thinks the more we can instill that in ourselves, the easier it's going to be and to her, she catches herself every day she needs to move forward, every day she needs to accomplish something, while a day is 24 hours, it is not a whole lot of time to really do something significant. And so, she thinks if we can continue to reflect back, while we continue to build, it's going to give us in those moments, like we were saying where it's like, ah, I feel like maybe I'm falling short, giving us that energy to really fight through whatever adversity we have, or whatever challenges, it's just going to be that much more powerful.   So, she loves that Yanique does that very, very proactively and very intentionally. And she hopes that for people who are listening that inspires some more of them to do that as well, because she knows it's so incredibly valuable.   Me: Yeah, it is amazing. Thank you so much, Sanja. We just want to say thank you so much for taking time out of your very busy schedule, for hopping on this podcast with us today. And sharing all of these great gems and nuggets that I know our listeners are going to scoop up once they get the opportunity to listen to it first-hand. I know for sure I totally enjoyed this conversation and I just wanted to express my immense gratitude to you for sharing all these wonderful nuggets with us.   Please connect with us on Twitter @navigatingcx and also join our Private Facebook Community – Navigating the Customer Experience and listen to our FB Lives weekly with a new guest   Grab the Freebie on Our Website – TOP 10 Online Business Resources for Small Business Owners   Links   The Gap and The Gain: The High Achievers' Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know by Adam Grant   The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience   Do you want to pivot your online customer experience and build loyalty - get a copy of “The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience.”   The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience provides 26 easy to follow steps and techniques that helps your business to achieve success and build brand loyalty. This Guide to Limitless, Happy and Loyal Customers will help you to strengthen your service delivery, enhance your knowledge and appreciation of the customer experience and provide tips and practical strategies that you can start implementing immediately! This book will develop your customer service skills and sharpen your attention to detail when serving others. Master your customer experience and develop those knock your socks off techniques that will lead to lifetime customers. Your customers will only want to work with your business and it will be your brand differentiator. It will lead to recruiters to seek you out by providing practical examples on how to deliver a winning customer service experience!   Big RYG Customer Success Leadership Summit October 12-13, 2022 Washington DC Sign Up

Ernie Harker is a creative branding mastermind. He recently published “Your Brand Sucks,” a book that reveals why most companies get branding wrong and reveals the step by step formula he has used to assist dozens of companies define a clear image and personality for their brands. One of his greatest successes was to help revitalize an old-western retail chain into a $3 billion high-energy adventure brand. He leads workshops, gives presentations, and offers an online masterclass to help organizations define and develop remarkable brands.   Self-diagnosed with Hyperactive Productivity Disorder, Ernie loves to draw, trail run, compete in triathlons, wake board, do yoga, lift weights, camp, mountain bike, watch movies, eat junk food, and spend time with his family and 7 brothers. Asked him what his real life allergies to exercise on the TV travel show he hosted.   Buckle up because his dynamic personality and passion for brand development will have you racing to build your brand. His friends call him Ernburn, so call him Ernburn!   Questions   Could you share little bit about their journey and how you got to where you are today. Could you share that? Could you maybe share with us three important things you think our company needs to have in order to really have, at least gives off the impression of being a brand that is for their customer? Are there maybe two or three personality traits that you think an employee or a leader needs to have in an organization in order to really develop a brand that is highly associated in a positive way? Could you share with us what's the one online resource, tool, website or app that you absolutely cannot live without in your business? Could you also share with us maybe one or two books that have had the biggest impact on you? It could be a book that you read a very long time ago, or even one that you read recently, but it has a great impact on you. We have a lot of listeners who are business owners and managers who feel sometimes that they have great products and services, but they lack the constantly motivated human capital. If you're sitting across the table from that person, what's the one piece of advice that you would give them to have a successful business? Could you share with us what's the one thing that's going on in your life right now that you're really excited about? Either something that you're working on to develop yourself or your people. Where can listeners find you online? Do you have a quote or a saying that during times of adversity or challenge, you'll tend to revert to this quote, it kind of helps to get you back on track or get you back focus if for any reason you get derailed.   Highlights   Ernie's Journey   Ernie shared that like most of our guests, they always start on the path that never seems to be like, if I were to rewind my life; I never would have thought I would have ended up where I'm at. He wanted to be an illustrator or an animator when he was a kid. And so, he was an illustration, he drew all the time, and studied illustration at the university. And when he got out of university, he got a job for an Ad agency. And he was doing concept development and that's just pre visualization of either TV commercials or print ads, or online ads or whatever. He would sketch out what a creative director or an art director would have in mind and then they would show those drafts, those pieces of art to the client.   And what he learned is that he learned to become really good at visualizing language. He wasn't a writer and so he had to clearly communicate and very quickly communicate an idea visually. And so illustration led to storyboards, which led to TV commercials, radio commercials, interactive design, then print design. And so, now he was all over the place doing all kinds of creative development stuff. But that led him into brand development because branding is such a visual experience, we often think of branding as like colours, and logos and graphic design and things like that. But it's also a lot more personality conveyed through language, visual language, and verbal language, tone, vocabulary and things like that. And so, that's kind of how he started as an illustrator, and developed into a branding guy. So it took a while.   Three Important Things a Company Needs to Have That Gives the Impression a Brand is For Their Customer   Me: Now, branding is very important to customer experience and your brand as you said, it's not just from a marketing perspective, the image that comes out in your advertisements, or any form of posts that you put up on any social media platform, but could you maybe share with us three important things you think a company needs to have in order to really have, at least give off the impression of being a brand that is for their customer?   Ernie shared that he's so grateful that Yanique is championing the customer experience because so many businesses focus on their business and not the customer experience, their business will be fine if they just focus on the customer experience. And so, congratulations and thank you for doing that.   There's a singular lens. Every brand should have a singular lens that they use to focus the customer experience and those are all the touch points that a customer would see, hear, read, notice, anything like that. So, those are all touch points. Well, the customer experience is a conscious decision to filter all those touch points to reinforce a specific personality of the company.   So really, we're trying, with all these customer experiences, we're trying to engage and attract a customer, make them fall in love with a business, you can't make anybody fall in love with the business unless there's a personality associated with that business. And so, defining what your brand lens or personality is really about, will then help you choose the visual elements, the pictures, colours, textures, all those kinds of things.   And the verbal elements, the language, vocabulary, the tone to give that customer the glimpse into the organization's personality, they go, “Oh, my gosh, I love this company,” not just “Oh, I recognize the company.” which is a lot of branding oftentimes, as he can differentiate between one company and another company, visually, but it needs to be more than that, it needs to be more of a personal, emotional connection, like “I really am attracted to this company.” And that's done like for a convenience store chain.   He was in involved a convenience store chain business for a long time. And what's neat about the convenience store business is that it's one of the very few businesses that have customers come in on a daily or multiple times per week. Like banks don't do that, retail locations don't do that. Even McDonald's, well, maybe some people that go every day, but convenience stores like they're buying fuel, customers are buying fuel, they're buying snacks, they're buying drinks, whatever.   And so the environment needs to be inviting. What is it about the walls, the floors, the interior design, the extra design that reinforces the personality of the business? And then of course, you have the person behind the counter, that Maverik, the convenience store that he was developing a brand for. They called them adventure guides because they had an adventurous personality; they wanted to make it feel like people were going to the great outdoors when they would come to a store. And so, they'd call them adventure guides.   So titles, the way customers were greeted. So you have this visual experience when people come in and then you have the vocabulary of like a greeting and you meet somebody who is an adventure guide instead of a clerk, or a teller, or a whatever. And then of course, all the marketing and advertising goes on top of that customer experience. I hope that answers the question in a roundabout way.   Three Personality Traits an Employee or Leader Needs to Have in an Organization in Order to Develop a Brand   Me: Oh, definitely it does. So there are quite a few things that you mentioned that I am definitely 100% on board with. I think sometimes also when people hear the word brand, it's like brand is highly associated with marketing, not necessarily customer experience. Are there maybe two or three personality traits that you think an employee or a leader needs to have in an organization in order to really develop a brand that is highly associated in a positive way? Because your brand can have a negative image and your brand can have a positive image. But what are some key things that you would need to ensure or would you say it should be linked to your core values? And if that's the case, what should be your strategy where recruitment is concerned?   Ernie stated that there are 3 things he's going to say off the top of his head. One is Humility. And what he means by humility is oftentimes organizational leaders or employees think they know best. They have their own personal opinion and they think their personal opinion is stronger than anybody else's opinion or research. So, humility.   Curiosity is the second one. Like he wants to know what their customers really think. He wants to learn as much as he can. So, humility gives us opening in our brains and our hearts for change and curiosity leads us to find the material to fill in that empty space that's relative, that's applicable.   And then the third thing is, he thinks Passion. There's so much boringness going on in the world today. He wants to be surrounded by people who are enthusiastic about what they do. It doesn't matter what they do, he could care less, but he cares about the enthusiasm and the passion by which they're engaged. So, there's too many retail locations or retailers, with employees who are completely disengaged, they are there counting the minutes between breaks, can't wait to get home and so the customer experience is a huge, like empty space in those locations, those businesses. So enthusiasm, he just wants to feel some love, some passion. He doesn't care if he's ordering a Big Mac, he wants someone to be excited about it for him. So those are the three things humility, curiosity, and passion or enthusiasm.   App, Website or Tool that Ernie Absolutely Can't Live Without in His Business   When asked about an online resource that he cannot live without in his business, Ernie stated that Photoshop. He's learning to use HubSpot because he's been terrible as a CRM guy. He needs to do a better job with that. But he does so many things in Photoshop, because he's image oriented, whether it's illustration or even graphic define online, banners, video thumbnails, and all those. If he didn't have Photoshop, he'd be a stick in the mud.   Books that Have Had the Biggest Impact on Ernie   Ernie shared that the book that has had one of the most profound impacts on him is The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Tim Ferriss, and he has referenced it so much that his wife gives him a hard time about it. On his nightstand, he has a set of Scriptures, the Bible, this is his go to, that's his big go to book. So, he got his scriptures, and he's a faith based person, very religious. But next to that for years was Tim Ferriss' book, The 4-Hour Workweek and so he would wreck ideas from The 4-Hour Workweek and his wife would say, “Oh, are you quoting brother Ferriss again?” Because it's like he's almost like a prophet. But some of the things that he talked about that are profound to him is the Pareto principle, the 80/20 rule, becoming more efficient with your time.   He also talked a lot about multiple careers instead of retirement, and working for the future, we're designed to be very creative people. So, why do we work like crazy in one career, and then hope one day we'll retire and not have to work, that's crazy. He doesn't ever want to stop working; he wants to keep doing fun, cool stuff. And so, the idea of multiple careers and mini retirements. Well, he could talk for a whole hour about Tim Ferriss and his teachings. But that was the most profound book.   Advice for Business Owners and Managers to Have a Successful Business   When asked about advice he would give to business owner or manager to have a successful business, Ernie shared that he would love to be able to incorporate employee compensation with customer experience so that the employees are rewarded, their compensation is structured on  how much the customers enjoy their interaction, how much they appreciate the interaction. So that instead of like sales based, like always commissioned based, play the long game of, “I want to hire people that are compensated when customers or potential customers have a really good experience with them.” And then also provide that employee with the resources to wow their customers. Like being able to send a note, being able to send a very small inexpensive gift, things like that. So they're empowered and they're compensated based on their customer experience, because he knows that there will be people, that the customers will always come back to a really good experience.   What Ernie is Really Excited About Now!   Ernie shared that he has been going bonkers over a YouTube channel that teaches kids to draw. So he created a YouTube channel, he spends way too much time on it. But he gets to produce, he gets to do the drawing, he does the lesson. And then he edits the video. And so all the fun things and creative production that he enjoys, as well as kind of inspiring and igniting the excitement of drawing which is affordable to everybody. It's within the reach of the poorest of poor people, get a piece of charcoal and a log, and you can draw. Pencil and paper, it's super, super inexpensive. But the ability to express creativity with pencil and paper, and an iPad and procreate or whatever is just so empowering for him. And so, he's done 100 episodes in the past 2 years and the channel, it's like 4000 subscribers, it's not very big but it has been so much fun to make these videos and just have fun being creative in the YouTube world.   Where Can We Find Ernie Online   LinkedIn – Ernie Harker   Quote or Saying that During Times of Adversity Ernie Uses   When asked about a quote or saying that he tends to revert to, Ernie shared that he was writing his book, Your Brand Sucks, which was very, very hard for him, he has ADD and so kind of staying focused on that was really, really challenging. And he'd often want to give up. He'd been involved in multiple businesses, a lot of entrepreneurial businesses, and none of them met the financial goals that he had, like he wanted to build these businesses and have it sell millions of dollars worth of product or whatever, but most of the time, they just kind of broke even.   And while sharing his disappointment, his frustration with a co-worker of his, an executive with him. He was listening to him (Ernie) talk about like his TV series didn't work out; he took longer to run his iron man than he thought he should, his children's book didn't sell very well. He like looked at him like, “Dude, you get credit for trying.” “You get credit for trying.” And what he thinks is impactful to him about that little mantra is that it kind of reshapes his definition of success, of not relying on success of things he can't control.   Like, for example, if he wrote a book, he has very little control whether or not it sells a million copies, if it gets popular, if Oprah loves it. But he has 100% control whether or not he finishes writing the book. So, if he were to focus his success, his definition of success on things that he can control, then he could be very productive, he can write the book. Because the temptation is he's going to give up because nothing that he's done so far has met his definition of success so why even try? Instead, he did that. And so, he can do it again. Even though the sales or whatever, the financial numbers aren't spectacular, he can look back on his life and go, “I did a lot of really great stuff that I was passionate about whether or not it made money or not.” So, you get credit for trying.   Please connect with us on Twitter @navigatingcx and also join our Private Facebook Community – Navigating the Customer Experience and listen to our FB Lives weekly with a new guest   Grab the Freebie on Our Website – TOP 10 Online Business Resources for Small Business Owners   Links Your Brand Sucks: How to ignite a brand that doesn't by Ernie Harker The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Tim Ferriss   The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience   Do you want to pivot your online customer experience and build loyalty - get a copy of “The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience.”   The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience provides 26 easy to follow steps and techniques that helps your business to achieve success and build brand loyalty. This Guide to Limitless, Happy and Loyal Customers will help you to strengthen your service delivery, enhance your knowledge and appreciation of the customer experience and provide tips and practical strategies that you can start implementing immediately! This book will develop your customer service skills and sharpen your attention to detail when serving others. Master your customer experience and develop those knock your socks off techniques that will lead to lifetime customers. Your customers will only want to work with your business and it will be your brand differentiator. It will lead to recruiters to seek you out by providing practical examples on how to deliver a winning customer service experience!

Great time visiting with Kristin & Jericho in the RFB studio. The band's debut album really takes you on a journey and is a lot of fun to listen to. The band's first show of 2022 is at Mercury Lounge on Saturday, February 22nd with Diary, and Margot & the Midnight Tenants. Playlist Kristin Flammio & The Pretty Bitchin - "Give It to Me" Oh! Gunquit - "Tomahawk Chop" Kristin Flammio & The Pretty Bitchin - "This Time" Stress Dolls - "Alone" Dirt Bikes - "Are We the Only Ones?" Kristin Flammio & The Pretty Bitchin - "Everybody Else" 7th Grade Girl Fight - "Finish Line" The Chelsea Curve - "All in Time" Kristin Flammio & The Pretty Bitchin - "If You Want to Leave" White Rose Motor Oil - "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'" Support Radio Free Brooklyn Please be sure to subscribe to our monthly newsletter for the latest news about new programming and upcoming RFB events. You can sign up here. If you're an Amazon shopper and would like to donate in a way that costs nothing to you, register RFB as your Amazon Smile charity. Every time you shop, a portion of every purchase benefits Radio Free Brooklyn.

TGIF:  A "Lord You Are My Everything" Kind of PRAISE!!I am your son, You are my FatherOh how you love to love meOh, You are my source, there is none other (there is none other)Oh how You love, to love meMy life is in Your handsYou've given meAnother chance, to proveMy love againMy life is in your handsI just really wanna tell You I love yahEverybody clap your handsC'mon put your hand like thatSing oh (oh)Then we go like thisWhen I'm in need, You're my providerOh how You love to love meOh, When I am sick, You are my healerOh how You love to love meMy life is in Your handsYou've given meAnother chance, just to proveMy love againMy life is in your handsI just really wanna tell You I love yahEverybody clap your handsEh, ohSing oh (oh)You are my joyYou are my peaceYou are my strengthI want you to say thisYou're my everythingYou are my joy, singYou are my peaceYou are my strengthSomebody say You're my everythingYou're my everythingYou are my joy (joy)You are my peace (you're my peace)You are my strength (you're my strength)You're my everything (you're my)You are my joyYou are my peace (you are my peace)You are my strengthYou're my everything, singYou're my everythingYou are my joyYou are my peaceYou are my strengthYou're my everything (You're my everything)Somebody clap your hand nowOh

Brooks Automation (BRKS) is a provider of automation, vacuum and instrumentation equipment for multiple markets, including semiconductor manufacturing, technology device manufacturing, and life sciences. KeyBanc recently raised its price target on the stock to $146 from $115. The next stock that George Tsilis discusses is Aehr Test Systems (AEHR), a provider of test systems for burn-in test equipment and logic, optical and memory integrated circuits worldwide. It received a $19.4M order from an automotive semiconductor supplier. The final overlooked stock he weighs in on is Methanex Corporation (MEOH), a Canadian company that supplies, distributes and markets methanol. Barclays recently upgraded the stock to overweight. Tune in to find out more.

Let It GoPsalm 91:1-2 “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty”… Where does the almighty need to be if he is providing shade.  Can a tree be on the other side of the yard and provide you shade?  NO!  The tree needs to be close to you.  Or rather you need to be close to the tree.  That is something the Lord keeps telling us.  “Come close to me my children” is said in some form or another week after week in my prayer group.  Does the Lord keep saying this because we are not listening?  Think about your relationship with your heavenly Father.  Do you feel he is calling you to come close to Him?  What could you do this week to come closer to the Lord?  Could you spend a few extra minutes in prayer?  Could you sit quietly and just listen to hear what He has to say?  Maybe you could spend a few extra minutes reading scripture?  Or, maybe it is as simple as just spending a few extra minutes while you drink your coffee talking to Him.  I am not sure what is right for you.  Only you know that.  I do know that He would not waste His time repeating this to us week after week if He didn't really want us to come closer.It goes on to say, “I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”” The words refuge and fortress seem to come up a lot when talking about God.   Or at least it seems I am hearing them often. I just looked it up and refuge appears in the Bible 88 times.  God is our refuge, that seems pretty clear.  So what is a refuge? Refuge is a shelter or protection from danger or distress.  That sounds about right.  God is definitely our protection from danger or distress.  My refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.  Are we trusting that he is our refuge and fortress?  Are we getting close and leaning in and letting his shade cover us?  God will rescue you from your storm.  He tells us this again and again.  Sometimes we would feel better if there was no storm.  We would like God to spare us from the storm all together.  Doesn't that sound nice?  How great would it be to never have to worry about a storm, to just be safe all the time?  Although that seems like it would be great, it wouldn't.  The storms are where we grow, they are what make us stronger.  If we did not have any storms we would not need the Lord to rescue us.  I heard this description the other day.  Imagine you are an arrow.  And you are getting ready to take flight and travel an amazing distance to a brand new place.  However, you do not have the power to do that until the bow is pulled backwards and builds the tension and then you have the energy you need to go forward.  God uses our storms to build us up so that we have the energy and strength to  make it to a new place.  We are always stronger after a storm.  Another way I have heard it explained by David Hollis is in reference to ships.  If you are a ship, you are safe when you are in the harbor.  You are less likely to encounter a storm when you are safe in the harbor.  But that is not what ships were built for.  Ships were built to leave the harbor and go out into the open seas.  The same is true with you.  You were not meant to sit by and watch the storms go by.  You can't grow if you avoid all the storms in your life.  Yes, they are hard and they are not fun.  They can be devastating and yet they can also be a source of great stength.  If you are stuck in a stormy season right now I urge you to lean into God.  Let Him be your shelter and you will be so much stronger when it passes.  It will pass, they always pass.  God makes sure of that.  I know sometimes it may seem like you have been getting hit with storm after storm and you are wondering when they will pass.  I assure you the end is in sight.  Keep fighting, keep holding on, God's got you.  I know I just talked about a song yesterday and I have no idea if you enjoyed that or not, but when this verse came up today I knew I was supposed to share this song with you.  It actually goes well with the past few episodes as well.  The song is about letting go of our worries and anxieties while we are in the storm.  God is forever telling us not to worry and not to be anxious and yet we still struggle with it because we are all human.  If you find yourself struggling right now, or you find that you are worrying more than you'd like I then I would like to suggest you listen to this song on repeat.  It not only has good lyrics, but a pretty catchy tune too.  Do people still say catchy anymore?  Anyway, I will not sing it for you, as I am sure you don't want that.  I will go over some of my favorite parts, I will list all the words in the show notes, and I will also put a link so you can watch the lyric video if you like.  (Click Here)Here are the lyrics:It's hard for me to let go, hard for me to breatheThinking that I gotta control it allI can feel my worry and anxietyWhen it's slipping through my fingers and I know itI've been losing my sleep, I've been losing my coolI can feel my heart go boom, boom, boomStarin' at the ceiling, feeling like a foolI'm going under and I know itHow many of us know exactly how he is feeling?  How many of us feel like we have to control everything?  We feel like if we don't everything will fall apart.  Then we feel extra anxious when it feels like it is all slipping through our fingers because if we can't save it who will.  Losing sleep and losing my cool is something that I have definitely experienced before.  What about that line about feeling his heart go boom, boom, boom, how true is that.  Can't you just feel his anxiety when you hear the beginning words.  Don't worry, I am not going to leave you with that.  The song goes on to say:But I hear You whisper to meIf I lose my grip I could seeThat You are carrying meThis is true for all of us.  If we loosen up our grip we would see that God has actual control.  He is carrying us so we don't have to worry about falling.  But we can't see this if we don't loosen our grip.  Oh, I'm gonna let itI'm gonna let it goOh, 'cause if I trust itI could move with Your flowBeing carried in the current of Your loveWhen I lean into Your arms, You're enoughI love love love this line.  “Being carried in the current of your love.”  I can just picture being swept away in a gently flowing current of God's love.  First it says, if I trust it.  This is the key.  We can't take that leap into the current if we don't trust it will be there for us.  Trust is hard and also so essential.  God wants to help us trust Him, we just need to ask.  I also love when it says “When I lean into your arms, You're Enough.”  I just picture God's strong and gentle arms giving me a big hug as I lean in.Time for me to let go, time for me to breatheKnowing that He already holds it allTime for me to turn down this anxietyI can know my freedom in a moment'Cause when I lay it all down, You gonna lift me upWhen I pour it all out You gonna fill my cupYou're holding out Your arms and telling me to jumpOne, two, three, here I go, yeahWhat do you think is it time for you to let go, is it time for you to breathe?  God is in control, as much as we feel like we are, its not the case.  You can be free from this anxiety and worry.  I love how he says, “When I lay it all down, your gonna lift me up.  When I pour it all out, your gonna fill my cup.”  This is exactly what happens.  God lets us try to fix things ourselves if that is what we want.  He only steps in when we put it down at His feet and ask Him to take over.  Then He does.  He will pick you up once you are ready to ask Him to.  God is holding out His arms and He is asking you to jump.  Are you ready?  Dear Heavenly Father I ask you to bless all those listening to this episode today. Lord we ask that you give us strength in the storm. We thank you for being our refuge and fortress.  We ask that you help us release control of our worries over to you.  We thank you for the storms in our lives because we know that they are making us stronger.  You are a good and faithful God and we love you.  We want to jump into your arms Lord Jesus, help us.  Give us the courage and the trust to take that leap of faith that you have been encouraging us to take.  One, two three here were go Lord.  We ask all of this in accordance with your will and in Jesus' holy name, AmenI'm Gonna Let It Go By: Jason GrayIt's hard for me to let go, hard for me to breatheThinking that I gotta control it allI can feel my worry and anxietyWhen it's slipping through my fingers and I know itI've been losing my sleep, I've been losing my coolI can feel my heart go boom, boom, boomStarin' at the ceiling, feeling like a foolI'm going under and I know itBut I hear You whisper to meIf I lose my grip I could seeThat You are carrying meOh, I'm gonna let itI'm gonna let it goOh, 'cause if I trust itI could move with Your flowBeing carried in the current of Your loveWhen I lean into Your arms, You're enoughSo, I'm gonna let itI'm gonna let it goTime for me to let go, time for me to breatheKnowing that He already holds it allTime for me to turn down this anxietyI can know my freedom in a moment'Cause when I lay it all down, You gonna lift me upWhen I pour it all out You gonna fill my cupYou're holding out Your arms and telling me to jumpOne, two, three, here I go, yeah'Cause I hear You whisper to meIf I lose my grip I will seeYou're always carrying meOh, I'm gonna let itI'm gonna let it goOh, 'cause if I trustedI could move with Your flowBeing carried in the current of Your loveWhen I lean into Your arms, You're enoughSo, I'm gonna let itI'm gonna let it goLetting go of my worries (letting go of my worries)And my need to control things (and my need to control things)I'm gonna take You at Your word and (I'm gonna take You at Your word)I'm gonna lay down all my burdens (all my burdens)Letting go of my worries (letting go of my worries)And my need to control things (and my need to control things)I'm gonna take You at Your word andI'm gonna lay down all my burdens (all my burdens)Oh, I'm gonna let itI'm gonna let it goOh, 'cause if I trustedI could move with Your flowBeing carried in the current of Your loveWhen I lean into Your arms, You're enoughSo, I'm gonna let itI'm gonna let it go 

Lyrics & Vocal Christina Universe CitizenMusic DanoSongs “CANVAS 9" SuperficialityPopularized realityFrom the movie industrySupplantingSelf's personalitySuperficialityMake believe realitiesInnovating industriesProjectingIts personalitiesSuperficialityPaying for realityControlling the insanityProducingComplex personalitiesSlave mentality Slave mentality Unmeasured complicityIndoctrinated insecurityQuasi democracy is not for meSuperficialityUnstable realitiesComputerized destinyRejecting eternal integrityComplying personalityQuasi democracy is not for meQuasi democracy is not for meOh, oh, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhI am longing to be captivatedBy true democracy of UniverseLiberating individual integrityIt's where we all come from firstMy longing heart is exhaustedBy the relative insanityImposed on our humanityImposing make believe on usIndoctrinating my humanityWe are an evolved humanityExperiencing a true democracyFulfilling integral heart'sEternal regenerating integrityLonging to realize a true democracy not disguisedLongingA true democracyA true democracyA true democracyA true democracyA true democracyA true democracy--------------------------------------------------

“I Have Loved You With An Everlasting Love”Jeremiah 31:3 “ the Lord appeared to him from far away.  I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.”God loves us with an everlasting love.  Did you know that?  Did you know that there is nothing you can do to lose God's love?  Sometimes I know that we feel unlovable.  Sometimes that's after we have done something that we feel is wrong and sometimes that's after someone else has done or said something to us.  However, God never stops loving us.  He loved us before we were even born and His love is everlasting, it never goes away.  I remember hearing a story once, I think it might have been Jeff Cavins, in the Great Adventure Bible Story, but I am not sure.  Anyway, whoever was telling the story was talking about how God does not need anything from us.  This was vastly different from the other Gods at the time.  The other Gods got more power the more people worshipped them.  They were almost fighting for people to worship them.  Some of them even required human child sacrifices.  However, our God was completely self sufficient and did not need anything from us.  I remember the person saying that this is the reason that some people turned from those other God's to our God, the one true God.  They turned to God because of His everlasting love.  They turned to God because He loved them just for who they were.  They did not need to do anything to earn that love.  That love was just there.  This was something they had not experienced before.  The next line in the verse is also an important line.  “Therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.”  This is important because God is always faithful to His word.  This is something we talked a lot about last week but I think it is important to touch on it again as it is amazing.  I think sometimes we may think that God stops loving us when we sin in some way.  Or that he stops answering our prayers when we have sinned against Him.  However, this verse dispels that belief.  God continues His faithfulness to us, even when we mess up.  Look how many times He was faithful to the Israelites after they messed up.  In Matthew 18:21-22 it says, “Then Peter came and said to him, “Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.”  If Jesus is telling us to forgive seventy-seven time, then how much more will our father in heaven forgive us?There is a song called “Reckless Love” by Cory Asbury.  It is a great song about how amazing God's love is.  The song first talks about how good God has been to him.  The chorus says, Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God.  Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the 99.  And I couldn't earn it, I don't deserve it, still You give yourself away”  When he mentions leaves the 99 is talking about Matthew 18:12-14 when Jesus tells the parable, “What do you think? If a shepherd has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. So it is not the will of your Father in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost.”  God does not want to lose any of his sheep.  He will not stop looking for us when we are lost.  He will not stop loving us and hoping that we turn back to Him.  Then the song goes on to say, “When I was Your foe, still Your love fought for me.  You have been so, so good to me.  When I felt no worth, You paid it all for me.  You have been so, so kind to me”  This is so true, when we have sinned and pulled away from God, or fractured our relationship with Him, He is still fighting for us and still loving us.  When we don't feel worthy, God is still there doing all He can for us.  This last part of the song is my favorite and it is a part I think we all need to hear because it the truth.  “There's no shadow You won't light up, mountain You won't climb up, coming after me.  There's no wall You won't kick down, lie You won't tear down, coming after me.”  There is nothing that God won't do to chase after His children to try and save them.  He gave His only son on the cross for us.  There is nothing hidden in the darkness that will prevent him from finding you.  There's no wall He won't kick down and lie He won't tear down.  I think I like that part the best because when I think of it I think of a father searching everywhere for his child.  Have you even seen the movie “Taken” with Liam Neeson?  In the movie Liam Neeson is a father who's daughter goes to Europe on vacation with a friend.  However, in the movie his daughter is taken by sex traffickers.  She calls her dad when she sees someone breaking into the house.  Liam is some type of government spy in the movie and he stops at nothing to get his daughter back.  He does whatever it takes to find her and get her back.  If a mere human will go through all of that to get his daughter back, how much more do you think your Father in heaven will do to get you back?  I know people who have often wondered if they are worth loving.  When I tell them the things I am telling you, they say that they know God feels that way about other people, but they tell me I don't understand what they have done, or where they have been.  If you are listening to this and you think that this is true for some people, but that it is not true for you, I want you to hear me.  GOD LOVES YOU!!  He loves you right where you are at.  You don't have to change in anyway for Him to love you.  He loves your perfectly right now, right where you are at.  Also, God's love is everlasting.  It never fades.  It is always there no matter what we do or what happens to us.  Also, God remains faithful to us.  He keeps His promises.  If we are lost He will come and chase after us and find us.   He will be there for us whenever we decide to turn back to Him.  He will welcome us home with open arms and he will say to us, “I have loved you with an everlasting love.”Dear heavenly father, I ask that you bless all those listening to this episode today. We thank you for loving us with an everlasting love, with a reckless love that will chase us down and leave the 99 to come and save us. Lord God we're so very thankful that you love us so much and even though we can't earn your love and definitely don't deserve your love you give it to us freely anyway. Lord I ask that you reach out to anyone hearing this that has trouble believing you could love them. I ask that you surround them with your love, that you rain down love and grace on them.  I ask that you open their minds and hearts to the idea of you loving them just as they are.  Lord, I ask all of this in accordance with your will and in Jesus' holy name, AmenHere are the lyrics for Reckless Love by Cory Asbury:Before I spoke a word, You were singing over meYou have been so, so good to meBefore I took a breath, You breathed Your life in meYou have been so so kind to meOh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of GodOh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the 99And I couldn't earn itI don't deserve it, still You give yourself awayOh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of GodWhen I was Your foe, still Your love fought for meYou have been so, so good to meWhen I felt no worth, You paid it all for meYou have been so, so kind to meOh, the overwhelming, never-ending reckless love of GodOh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the 99And I couldn't earn itI don't deserve it, still You give yourself awayOh, the overwhelming, never-ending reckless love of GodThere's no shadow You won't light upMountain You won't climb upComing after meThere's no wall You won't kick downLie You won't tear downComing after meThere's no shadow You won't light upMountain You won't climb upComing after meThere's no wall You won't kick downLie You won't tear downComing after meThere's no shadow You won't light upMountain You won't climb upComing after meThere's no wall You won't kick downLie You won't tear downComing after meOh, the overwhelming, never-ending reckless love of GodOh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the 99I couldn't earn it, I don't deserve it, still You give yourself awayOh, the overwhelming, never-ending reckless love of God 

Kris Rudeegraap is the co-founder and CEO of Sendoso, the leading Sending Platform. Kris has more than a decade of sales experience and has spent time at Talkdesk, Yapstone, and Piqora. During that time, he discovered that creating meaningful engagement through direct mail and gifting was an effective way to drive demand and increase sales - which helped inspire the idea for Sendoso. Kris is a California native and CSU-Chico alum currently residing in the Bay Area.   Questions   Could you share with us a little bit about your journey, a little bit about who you are, tell us what a leading Sending Platform is? What's that all about? And just how you got to where you are today? Could you share with us just based on your experience, and also your business as an entrepreneur and a leader, what are maybe one, two or three things that you think salespeople need to do to retain their customers? What are maybe one or two things you think that somebody could do to enhance or build on that skill? How can you build on being more empathetic as a human? Could you give us maybe some recommendations as how companies can leverage more collaboration software and use it to their advantage? And how can employees be open to adapt to this and be able to succeed, especially with something that they are not very comfortable with? How as a leader in all of these that's happening, can you ensure that your team is thinking creatively? They're thinking outside of the box? How do you get to inspire them, especially when you're not in the same physical space with them? How can you really get them motivated and pumped up that they are excited to come up with new ideas and innovative solutions to make the business move forward? Could you share with us maybe what's the one online resource, tool, website or app that you absolutely can't live without in your business? Can you share with us maybe one or two books that have had the biggest impact on you? It could be a book that you read recently, or maybe something you read a very long time ago, but it still has an impact on you today? Can you share with us maybe what's the one thing that's going on in your life right now - either something you're working on to develop yourself or your people? Could you tell our listeners where they can find you online? Do you have a quote or saying that during times of adversity or challenge, you'll tend to revert to this quote, it kind of helps to keep you focused, or kind of gets you back on track. If you get derailed at any point in time. Do you have one of those?   Highlights   Kris’ Journey   Kris shared that before starting Sendoso, he spent about 10 years in software sales in San Francisco. And so, he was really trying to break into new accounts, send emails to prospects, and really saw that there was a lot of digital noise and email was a hard channel to be super personalized.   And so, that's really where he decided to start sending out handwritten notes and he'd send little gifts, he'd send little packages with like company swag and all that stuff was really great, it was just super hard to do and very manual and very time consuming.   And so, he dreamed up this idea of a sending platform where you can click and send a button inside of tools like Salesforce or HubSpot or other tools. And then behind the scenes, it would do all the fulfillment and all the hard work for him.   And so that was the original idea and that's what inspired him to start Sendoso about 5 years ago, and really a sending platform is a couple components. One is it allows you to send out really anything and everything, corporate gifts, their direct mail, their company swag, there could be flowers, cookies, ice cream, gift cards, digital experiences, you name it, they can send it. There's also team management and budgets, there's integrations, there's fulfillment all under one platform.   Me: Sounds good. So a big part of what Sendoso does are, what you do is sales?    Kris shared that sales, that's how he got started and a lot of their customers are using them for sales. But they also have a good amount of companies using them for post sales. So customer service, customer success, marketing, and even HR too.   Tips on How Salespeople Can Retain Their Customers   Me: So what I like to find out from you is could you share with us just based on your experience, and also your business as an entrepreneur and a leader. What are maybe one, two or three things that you think salespeople need to do to retain their customers? So I know sales is about getting new customers, but how do you ensure that you retain your existing customers? How do you have that relationship, the customer relationship management component? Maybe what are two or three things that you think is critical based on your experience?   Kris shared that he'd say one is really being human and building rapport and think about it as not a business to business, but a business to a human and how do you build that relationship. Two is really just getting creative with how you engage folks. So not just using email, but using other means to build that relationship. And he thinks the third is really leading with empathy and putting yourself in your buyer’s shoes, and really encouraging authenticity and really understanding what the buyer really needs.    How to Build on Being More Empathetic as a Human   Me: Okay, so those are three really good points. Now, let's say for example, you're dealing with sales reps that don't know how to exercise empathy. So as a Customer Service Trainer, I have found based on research and experience that empathy is not one of those skills that you learn when you're growing up, it's really a skill that you develop as you get older, as you get to understand yourself, as you get to understand emotions in other people. But some people just still are not able to exercise empathy to its fullest extent. What are maybe one or two things you think that somebody could do to enhance or build on that skill? How can you build on being more empathetic as a human?   Kris shared that he would say one is finding training and learning courses, so going out of your way to find ways that you can really learn about how to be more empathetic and kind of study and learn and kind of take what you've learned and start practicing that. He'd say that's the first thing is really going out of your way to learn more. And then he thinks the second is, people might not be as empathetic in business, he thinks a lot of people are naturally maybe empathetic in their home life and maybe understanding what are those key things you're doing in kind of your home, non-work life that could be empathetic, and how could you translate that into more business like environments.   Me: That's a good one. Because it's the same skill, same behaviour, you're exercising in a personal environment so you need to just transfer that into a professional environment so that you can really understand where the other person is coming from.   How Companies Can Leverage and Adapt Collaboration Software And Use it to Their Advantage    Me: So a big part of customer experience also is understanding that we're in this space now where we have to be pivoting, I think that was a big word for 2020 and it's definitely come over into 2021. And just being able to be flexible using the different technologies that exist out there to serve our customers. Agility is also something that a lot of organizations are looking to do with their teams. So could you give us maybe some recommendations as how companies can leverage more collaboration software and use it to their advantage? And how can employees be open to adapt to this and be able to succeed, especially with something that they are not very comfortable with?   Kris stated that he thinks that to Yanique’s point, one is taking the time to really time block on your calendar to learn more. We live in a world where people work, and maybe don't do enough in terms of like education or re-education, so he'd say purposefully putting time on your calendar for learning and development is key. And being cognizant of that, say, “Hey, next week, I'm going to block two hours, and I'm going to learn this or I'm going to practice using this software,” which might sound like how do you have enough time to do that, but he thinks it's taking that time, it's almost like taking a step sideways to take 10 steps forward, versus kind of always being in an environment where you feel behind. So, he would say that is one scenario. He'd say two is just maybe, depending on your level of leadership, really just the culture of the company, or the executives can be really driving this agility and so, he thinks it starts at the top. And really, if you can demonstrate agility at the top and really make that a key part of your company culture, it can really benefit everybody.   How To Inspire Your Team to Think Creatively   Me: Leadership is very important, I'm glad you touched on that just now in terms of getting people to really step up to the plate. So you have these teams and even though they're working from home, I've heard so many complaints where people complain that they're just exhausted, they're burnt out, literally, just between family, depending on what age the kids are, and then just keeping the home in order, and then being on all of these Zooms and Microsoft Team meetings constantly at your computer. But then outside of those meetings, you have the actual work to get done and it's just a lot.   How as a leader in all of these that's happening, can you ensure that your team is thinking creatively? They're thinking outside of the box? How do you get to inspire them, especially when you're not in the same physical space with them? How can you really get them motivated and pumped up that they are excited to come up with new ideas and innovative solutions to make the business move forward?   Kris shared that one thing that comes to mind is making sure that you are upfront about a flexible work life balance and right now it's harder than ever to be flexible, because you kind of live and work in the same room, so to speak. And so, he thinks it's purposefully making sure people are stepping away, even if it's just a staycation and you're staying home, you just put your laptop away. So, they really try to inspire that, they even have a twice a year employee bonus that if you take a vacation or a staycation, they'll give a $500 bonus each time to spend on that and so they're kind of paying their employees to take breaks and keep that flexible work life balance. And so, he thinks that's one area, making sure you keep your work life balance strong so that it really keeps your mental state in a really good place. Two, he'd say is like, how do you get creative or have more fun with some of your Zoom meetings and so, they've incorporate things like Zoom wine tasting events, or they've done like dinner making class over zoom and so they bring in special guests to some of these Zooms, and maybe change it up a little bit so it feels a little bit more unique, and adds a little bit of flair. So he thinks that's an interesting way.   And then there's other ways as it relates to just helping getting people out of their comfort zone, and maybe connecting people with other teams. So they've tried to institute more of like cross team collaboration or getting people involved in kind of mini, what they call tiger teams, or project teams, they kind of are taken away from maybe their normal day to day and exposed to new parts of the business where maybe they can bring their new level of creativity.   Me: That's really amazing. So I like the idea of dinner, what was the suggestion, you bring in a special guest and that person would prepare dinner and everybody kind of follows along?   Kris confirmed and stated that they've done like a special checked guest that comes in. They did one where was like a cheese making class, there's a wine tasting event where you could wine taste virtually. So it makes some of these Zoom meetings just a bit more exciting.   Me: So do you do that in the middle of the day? Or is that an additional Zoom meeting that is tacked on to the end of their day?   Kris stated that it could be both, he thinks for the wine tasting one, they typically would want that to be more like a 3:00 pm or 4:00 pm or 5:00 pm. And so, it's typically still during business hours, but it just says, “Hey, have some fun with this and kind of meet more of your team and have a have some fun.” But some other ones could happen during the day too as well. And it's more of a way to kind of think creatively versus just be in the same exact kind of Zoom fatigue.   Me: Yeah, I agreed. That's really cool, very creative, very innovative, and it does stimulate a different parts of the brain, which will definitely help them to not feel like they're doing the same thing over and over and it gets mundane. And just as you said don't feel motivated.   App, Website or Tool that Kris Absolutely Can’t Live Without in His Business   When asked about an online resource that he can’t live without in his business, Kris shared that from a collaboration perspective, Slack, it just like keeps them all collaborating, that is probably the one they couldn't live without. One that he really loves is an app called Feedly, and it basically brings together hundreds of different blogs into one app that he enjoys reading. And it's a great way for him to stay creative and really be immersed in a lot of different contexts of ideas. And he typically wakes up and do some reading in that app and then he'll typically go to bed and do some reading in it. And it just gives him new perspectives across a myriad of different topics.    Books That Have Had the Greatest Impact on Kris   Kris shared that he’s a huge podcast listener and actually give him the biggest inspiration and impact. And so, he’s all in on podcasts and a couple podcasts that he’s just obsessed with. So he'd probably say he listens to podcasts, maybe daily, he would read books maybe a few times a year, so he’s much more engaged with podcasts and a couple that he loves, one's called Dare to Lead with Brene¢ Brown and another is called Acquired, another is called Follow Your Different and then a classic, another one, How I Built This.   Me: Oh, nice. May I ask what kind of topics they discuss predominantly on those podcasts? Are they more like self development podcasts? Or are they business podcasts?   Kris stated that he would say a bit of both, part of them are business related, but also, they also include talking to founders at times too, which gives you kind of personal inspiration as well. So he thinks it's part personal inspiration, part business, and then part just kind of interesting topics.    What Kris is Really Excited About Now!   Kris shared that one thing that he’s doing that is, now that they have close to 400 employees now. One of the things he’s doing is just random meetings with employees, and he created this new Slack channel called Ask Kris Anything and then he meets with 3 to 5 random employees each week. And so, that's something that he’s doing just so that he can really understand how they're scaling the business and learn from everybody. And so, that's been something that he has been doing recently that he’s really excited to continue.   Where Can We Find Kris Online   LinkedIn – Kris Rudeegraap Website – www.sendoso.com Email – kris@sendoso.com   Quote or Saying that During Times of Adversity Kris Uses   When asked about a quote or saying that helps him get back track, Kris shared that he would say that the one that comes to mind that he remember the end that he thinks about often is, “Entrepreneurs spend a few years of their life like most people won't, so they can spend the rest of their life like most people can't.” And so, he thinks it kind of hints on that like there's tough times for an entrepreneur, but if you make it, your life will be changed forever. And so, that's one of his favourite quotes. The other one he thinks is a popular quote by Wayne Gretzky is, “You miss every shot you don't take.” And he lives by that too, you got to take risks, you got to challenge yourself, you got to do stuff and get out there. And so, that's also an inspiring quote for him too.   Please connect with us on Twitter @navigatingcx and also join our Private Facebook Community – Navigating the Customer Experience and listen to our FB Lives weekly with a new guest   Grab the Freebie on Our Website – TOP 10 Online Business Resources for Small Business Owners   The ABC’s of a Fantastic Customer Experience   Do you want to pivot your online customer experience and build loyalty - get a copy of “The ABC’s of a Fantastic Customer Experience.”   The ABC's of a Fantastic Customer Experience provides 26 easy to follow steps and techniques that helps your business to achieve success and build brand loyalty. This Guide to Limitless, Happy and Loyal Customers will help you to strengthen your service delivery, enhance your knowledge and appreciation of the customer experience and provide tips and practical strategies that you can start implementing immediately! This book will develop your customer service skills and sharpen your attention to detail when serving others. Master your customer experience and develop those knock your socks off techniques that will lead to lifetime customers. Your customers will only want to work with your business and it will be your brand differentiator. It will lead to recruiters to seek you out by providing practical examples on how to deliver a winning customer service experience!

A while back, I visited a friend at his apartment. He didn't really have much furniture and his apartment could have been cleaner, but he was really proud of one thing he did have. We had this conversation: Him: Hey, check it out man. I got a HomePod. Me: Oh, nice! Him: Nice? That's what you're going to say to the owner of a HomePod? There's a reason why I wasn't that impressed. In case you don't know, a HomePod is Apple's voice-activated home device. While I usually like Apple products, even I got to admit Apple fucked up with that one. It's a solid product and it's got a great speaker, but it came out in 2018 - which was way too late in the game. Amazon's Echo, on the other hand, came out back in 2015, and now it pretty much dominates the smart home market. Anyway, you might be wondering why an online store like Amazon wastes time on something that seems so unrelated to its core business. Well, there's actually a pretty good reason for that. Let's talk about why Amazon invests so much into the home and why that might be a problem for customers. How Amazon can make your house smarter An Amazon Echo is a voice-activated device that you can use to play music, listen to Audiobooks, order pizzas, or ask questions - even if you're incredibly lazy and don't want to get out of bed. All you have to do is say something like “Hey Alexa, why did my girlfriend leave me?” You probably won't get an answer that fills the hole in your being, but the device will tell you something. Side note: I asked this to my Echo just to see what would happen. It said, “Sorry, I'm not sure.” Amazon's technology isn't just limited to its own devices - it's free-to-use for third-party manufacturers. Many of them were excited about the opportunity to make their devices voice-activated. Now, there are more than 140,000 products that work with Alexa such as lightbulbs and thermostats. But Amazon's ambitions didn't stop there. Back in 2018, Amazon bought the smart doorbell company Ring for $1 billion, which allows customers to look at who's at their door through their smartphone. It was another way for Amazon to ensure their dominance over the smart home market. Amazon's opportunity Back in September, Amazon had a product event that showed off some big improvements in Alexa. Now, it won't speak with the awkward pace that virtual assistants typically have. Instead, it can match the tone you're using and sound like it's taking more natural breaths and pauses. Also, Alexa now uses AI to make sure that when you ask it to do something like turn on a light, the delay is as short as possible. There's a reason why Amazon is investing so hard in improving the product. When the pandemic's over, our lives aren't going to be the same as what they were before. Companies all over the country are going to be more comfortable with hiring remote workers - which means people are going to be spending more time at home and less time at the office. When people like my buddy with the HomePod are spending more time at their apartments and realize how empty and dirty everything is, they're going to invest in upgrading their space. That's already happening in the home decor market. Right now, customers are making more purchases at companies like Home Depot and Restoration Hardware, which both saw big increases in their stock price in 2020. It's possible that these same customers will also invest in products that integrate with Alexa. What's Jeff Bezos's end goal? Even though the smart home market is growing, Amazon is just breaking even on Echos or even selling them at a loss. Obviously, Jeff Bezos isn't doing this out of the kindness in his heart. He's doing it because there's a couple of ways that the company can profit in the long-term. Making money on Amazon Skills Every time you buy an app on the App Store, a cut of the money is going to Apple. It's a highly-profitable business for them. 3rd-party app developers do the work. Then, Apple does a quick review to make sure there are no viruses and no way that the app can get around Apple's payment system. Once it's approved, Apple gets 30% of the revenue every time someone pays for the app. While Amazon's attempt to create a smartphone failed really badly, they did find a way to get in on this action with Amazon Skills. These are apps created by 3rd-party developers that integrate with Alexa. You can use these Skills to do things like play Jeopardy with your Echo device or order some pizza from Domino's. Just like Apple with the App Store, Amazon gets a 30% cut every time somebody buys a Skill on Echo. More personalization and more purchases  Part of the reason why the Amazon shopping experience is so great is that the company uses data to give customers more personalization. When you make a purchase off Amazon, you'll see recommendations for related products that can be scarily accurate. That happens because these recommendations are based on the data from the purchases of millions of other customers. Amazon knows exactly what customers with interests to similar you are buying and will recommend the same items to you. Alexa is an opportunity for Amazon to collect even more data. If Amazon has access to what customers are saying to their Alexa devices, they can better understand these customers' wants and needs. That means Amazon can make their recommendation engine even more personalized and push these customers to make more purchases. Plus, when you've got so many voice-activated devices around, it's easier than ever to make a purchase off of Amazon - which means more revenue for the company. All you have to do is say “Hey Alexa, I'm out of soap. Buy me some more.” Then, your Alexa device places an order on your Prime account. Amazon's even taken steps to encourage people to do this. For a long time, if you tried to buy Amazon products off of Alexa, it would give you cheaper prices than anything you could find if you just went on Amazon.com on your smartphone or laptop. It was a genius way of getting people to start making voice purchases a habit. The privacy concerns behind letting Amazon into your house Amazon devices might make it easier than ever for you to be lazy and never have to leave your couch, but some people are understandably pretty uncomfortable with the idea of a Big Tech company knowing what's going on inside their homes. This isn't some nonsensical conspiracy you heard from your buddy who's a hardcore Joe Rogan fan. Amazon has thousands of contractors who comb through voice and text transcripts of Alexa devices. While this does help Alexa deliver better responses over time, lots of customers don't want total strangers looking through personal searches and purchases. Some of these transcripts aren't wiped from Amazon's servers, even when a user deletes the conversations. That's not the only privacy issue that Amazon's faced recently.  Ring, Amazon's smart doorbell, took some heat recently for its partnerships with local law enforcement. The company is sharing the footage it gets from its cameras with police departments. That's an idea that sounds like a good way to stop crime on paper, but may just lead to mass government surveillance of private citizens. In conclusion Getting into the home was a fantastic move for Amazon. Now that it's happened, we all got to ask ourselves some questions. How close do we want our relationships with Big Tech companies to be? What kinds of regulations should we pass to protect our data? With people spending more time at home and more time with Alexa devices, it's becoming more important for us to figure out the answers. If you liked what you read, please sign up for our weekly newsletter. We send one email like this on tech and business every week. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sundayspecial.substack.com

Call to WorshipPsalm 92:1-4InvocationSong of Worship“Come, Ye Sinners”Corporate ConfessionHeidelberg Catechism Question 1Testimony of God’s GraceSongs of Praise“Yet Not I, But Through Christ in Me”“Oh the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus”Prayer of IntercessionScripture ReadingPsalm 1MessageThe Way of JoySong of Response“The Goodness of Jesus”Benediction

Rhys, Mark & Me Oh are joined by special guest Jayden and discuss: Does dating have an age limit (3:40), how to react to Disrespect (14:20), selectiveness in the community (29:00), Dangerous dilemmas (32:00), Sitcoms on Netflix (43:35) and much much more... Host: Rhys Waul - Twitter: @Raw_Like_Me - Instagram: Rawlikeme, Mark Brown - Twitter: @Mister2Drink - Instagram: Mister2Drink - MrOh - Twitter: @MrOhYes - Instagram: Misterohhhhh.- Jayden - Twitter: airtothemanor - Instagram: airtothemanor.

This week we had the chance to sit down with The Dark and the Wicked producer, Adrienne Biddle.  We talked about the making of the film and our feelings on the movie, but we ended up spending a good chunk of time discussing her path to becoming a film producer.  Schooling, early grunt-jobs, relationship building, the whole thing. It was such an enlightening conversation because I've always wondered what a producer actually does. But before we talk about The Dark and the Wicked Indulge me for a little only somewhat relevant story.  Back in 2008, I was at a wedding (with a date that wasn't Rob) and it was kind of fancy shindig.  The groom, was my then-boyfriend's uncle. He was one of those guys who sometimes acted and sometimes bought and sold sports tickets and sometimes probably sold drugs (who knows). I remember there was a "special guest" coming and everybody was being weird about ensuring this guy and his wife were getting the real VIP treatment.  My job was to ensure my car was void of candy wrappers and random clothes (your car was gross when you were 25, too) and I needed to be on time to pick up them up from the airport.  When I arrived at O'hare (probably late), he introduced himself as Stratton Leopold and his wife, as Mary. I had no idea who he was, but I was pretty confident he was a big deal with a name like Stratton Leopold (insert regal-sounding accent).  Being the nosy person I am, I asked what he did for a living.  He shared that he and his wife owned an ice cream shop in Savannah, GA and he did some work in Hollywood. As it turns out, even all those years ago, I was still pretending to know about film. Our conversation from there:  Me: "Ooooooh.... Hollywood, love it, what do you do in Hollywood?" Stratton Leopold: "I work as a movie producer" Me: "Oh yep, yep, HUGE movie lover... what movies?" Stratton Leopold: "The Adventures of Baron Munchausen" Me: "Hmmmm, must have missed that one" Stratton Leopold: "The Sum of all fears" Me: "Oh gosh, meant to catch that one..." Stratton Leopold: "The Generals Daughter" Me: "Ooooh the one with Nicholas Cage!" Stratton Leopold: "No...Mission Impossible 3???" Me: "....................." Stratton Leopold: "......................" Let's fast forward to 2020 and our meeting with Adrienne Biddle Knowing the goal of the interviewee is to promote their movie, we of course spent at least 3 minutes talking about The Dark and the Wicked. The truth is, when Rob dropped out of film school, it wasn't because he didn't love movies, but he just didn't really see a path that he could be successful at.  Through the years, and working in business roles, he's probably said about 100-ish times, "I think I would be good at producing".  Supportively, I nod and say "hmm mmm, sounds great, you should totally do that" but really I'm thinking "dude, if this is you asking me to leverage our savings to make a movie the answer is N-O." All that said, we were both pretty eager to hear more about Adrienne's role as a producer on The Dark and the Wicked, how she met Bryan Bertino and document every life choice she's ever made, to get to where she is today. The bad news for Rob is that apparently it takes a lot of consistent hard work, dedication and acceptance of less than glamorous responsibilities, as you work your way up the ladder.  The good news is that the role lends itself to people who are workaholics and excellent planners, who like control. So...we'll see what the future holds. About The Dark and The Wicked On a secluded farm in a nondescript rural town, a father is terminally ill. His children (Marin Ireland and Michael Abbott, Jr.)come back to the farm to mourn.  It doesn't take long for super-creepy-weirdness to take place, marked by waking nightmares and a growing sense that something evil is taking over the family. It's grim and dark and freaky and weird.  It's also edgy and jumpy and there are some super cringeworthy scenes that you'll probably think "oh heck no, they won't..." and then they do.  If you're into grim horror, this may just be your bag! Get your heebie-jeebie on - watch the trailer! https://youtu.be/Hk1mVaGq_t0 The Dark and the Wicked releases November 6th on VOD! ********************************************************************************** Facebook Instagram YouTube Twitter Tim Letterboxd – Rob Letterboxd – Carrie Letterboxd

Welcome to the Modern Day Christian Chick Podcast where we look at every day life through the lens of the Gospel, while having conversations surrounding self care, intentional living, worship, and church culture.Today we are focusing on the the love of God and its relentless pursuit of us.I pray that as you listen to the song that you allow the words to speak to your heart. Listen to it daily if you must to remind yourself that you are indeed free fro whatever binds you because He has set you free. You may listen to this week's worship song here.Scriptural reference in this episode:Luke 15______________// FOLLOW Website - www.moderndaychristianchick.comInstagram - @moderndaychristianchickFacebook - Modern Day Christian Chick Apple Music Worship Wednesday playlist:https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/worship-wednesday/pl.u-GgA52Lah1ay5LYou can subscribe to the podcast here:Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/modern-day-christian-chick/id1493915119Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/search/modern%20day%20christia%20chickLyrics:Reckless LoveBefore I spoke a word, You were singing over meYou have been so, so good to meBefore I took a breath, You breathed Your life in meYou have been so, so kind to meOh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of GodOh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nineI couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself awayOh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeahWhen I was Your foe, still Your love fought for meYou have been so, so good to meWhen I felt no worth, You paid it all for meBut You have been so, so kind to meAnd oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of GodOh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nineAnd I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself awayOh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeahThere's no shadow You won't light upMountain You won't climb upComing after meThere's no wall You won't kick downLie You won't tear downComing after meThere's no shadow You won't light upMountain You won't climb upComing after meThere's no wall You won't kick downLie You won't tear downComing after meThere's no shadow You won't light upMountain You won't climb upComing after meThere's no wall You won't kick downLie You won't tear downComing after meThere's no shadow You won't light upMountain You won't climb upComing after meThere's no wall You won't kick downLie You won't tear downComing after meOh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of GodOh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nineAnd I couldn't earn it, I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself awayOh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah

I say you don't need nobody elseFeels like you don't got meso you feel like you've been by yourselfI've been feeling kinda down myselfI've been going through it as wellGirl, I guess time will tellThat's the problem, I ain't got any leftThere's somethings I can't helpBut you would make the time for meOh, isn't that something that I should know?

People: What do you do in your house? Me:Oh, I.....youtube.

*please note there were a few sound-tech difficulties for the first 3/4 of the service Song: All GloryWe enter Your gates with thanksgivingand with thanksgiving, we enter Your gatesWe pour out Your praise in Your presenceand in Your presence, we pour out Your praiseAnd the song we sing, we sing forevermore All glory to the Father,All glory to the SonAll glory to the Spirit,the Spirit of our GodAs it was in the beginningand will be in the endAll glory to Your everlasting name This is the sound of the forgivenA song of freedom,O Jesus, on and on Your name resoundsWe lift up a shout for You are risen,and now we are risen Come on and pour His praises out And the song we sing, we sing forevermoreAnd the song we sing, we sing for You aloneCome on and pour His praises outCome on and pour His praises nowSong: 10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord)Bless the Lord O my soul O my soulWorship His holy nameSing like never before O my soulI'll worship Your holy nameThe sun comes up it's a new day dawningIt's time to sing Your song againWhatever may pass and whatever lies before meLet me be singing when the evening comesYou're rich in love and You're slow to angerYour name is great and Your heart is kindFor all Your goodness I will keep on singingTen thousand reasons for my heart to find And on that day when my strength is failingThe end draws near and my time has comeStill my soul will sing Your praise unendingTen thousand years and then forevermoreSong: Living HopeHow great the chasm that lay between usHow high the mountain I could not climbIn desperation I turned to heavenAnd spoke Your name into the nightThen through the darkness Your loving-kindnessTore through the shadows of my soulThe work is finished the end is writtenJesus Christ my living hopeWho could imagine so great a mercyWhat heart could fathom such boundless graceThe God of ages stepped down from gloryTo wear my sin and bear my shameThe cross has spoken I am forgivenThe King of kings calls me His ownBeautiful Savior I’m Yours foreverJesus Christ my living hopeHallelujah praise the One who set me freeHallelujah death has lost its grip on meYou have broken every chain, there’s salvation in Your nameJesus Christ my living hopeThen came the morning that sealed the promiseYour buried body began to breatheOut of the silence the Roaring LionDeclared the grave has no claim on me (2x)Jesus Yours is the victory!Prayers of Petition"Give us this day our daily bread" (Matthew 6:11)SelfishSillyScaryWhat do you want me to do for you?I need ___________________Song: I will Trust My Savior JesusI will trust my Savior JesusWhen my darkest doubts befallTrust him when to simply trust himSeems the hardest thing of allI will trust my Savior JesusTrust him when my strength is smallFor I know the shield of JesusIs the safest place of allJesus only JesusHelp me trust you more and moreJesus only JesusMay my heart be ever yoursI will trust my Savior JesusHe has said his way is bestAnd I know the path he’s chosenLeads to everlasting restOh on that cross how it was seenI can go now ever trustingin the one who died for meWhat could I bring for your gift is completeSo I trust you simply trust youLord with every part of meGreat is Thy faithfulness, great is Thy faithfulnessMorning by morning new mercies I seeAll I have needed Thy hand hath providedGreat is Thy faithfulness Lord unto meSong: Christ Be All Around MeAs I rise strength of God go before lift me upAs I wake eyes of God look upon be my sight As I wait heart of God satisfy and sustainAs I hear voice of God lead me on be my guide, be my guide Above and below me, before and behind meIn every eye that sees me Christ be all around meAbove and below me before and behind meIn every eye that sees me Christ be all around meAs I go hand of God my defense by my sideAs I rest breath of God fall upon bring me peace, bring me peaceOh, oh, Christ be all around me Your life, Your death, Your blood was shedFor every moment, every momentYour life, Your death, Your blood was shedFor every moment, every momentAbove and below me, before and behind meIn every eye that sees me Christ be all around meAbove and below me before and behind meIn every eye that sees me Christ be all around meOh, oh, Christ be all around meOh, oh, Christ be all around me

Hey, wow, good to see you. You've really bulked up, good for you. Respect. Me? Oh, not much, not much. Been doing this podcast thing actually. Pretty fun. Yeah, getting some buzz I think, I dunno, we don't do it for the money. Yeah, yeah. Oh, anything really - this week was about jobs and work and what to do when people outnumber tasks on this planet. Yeah, can be, but we try to lighten things up with stories about pedestrian harassment and that sort of thing. You have to--? Oh, yeah, no, no worries, I actually have a thing too, so, yeah. Yeah we should! We should! Maybe at Jamie's 31st? Oh no, she is? Oh, wow. That's so sad. Buses, eh? Anyway, this episode's mistakes include: Shit what's his girlfriend's name? Clarence? No, Clarence is a guy's name. But wait Florence is a girl's name though so how does that work? Egregious factual inaccuracies. Put some credit on your work phone, then like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter and Instagram, find our tunes on SoundCloud, rate us on Apple Podcasts, and send your questions to deepfought@gmail.com.

It's time for the Respect Her Hustle Podcast Song Of The Week!This week DJNixx spins "This Is Me (The Reimagined Remix)" by Keala Settle, Kesha and Missy Elliott.Check it out on her "Respect Her Hustle" Spotify Playlist and Follow @DJNixxLink to playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4tv5Hbx7jMWvQvKZuyNvFa Song LyricsI am not a stranger to the dark"Hide away," they say"'Cause we don’t want your broken parts"You can put your mind to do whatever you wanna doJust tell yourself that you capable, tooBut don't do things that ain't even coolAnd get rid of them no-good friends that’s enablin' youMakin' you feel like you won't be nothin', your life crumblin'They talk, mumblin'You gon' be something, you’re gloriousWe’re no gangs, but warriors, we well-known, notoriousThey can't stop you or block you or mock youThey mad ’cause you bad and they not youYou fall down, but get up and skip and hop throughKick down doors for others to walk throughYou have a purpose, to make you say, "Did I do that?" UrkelNow we callin' reality virtualThis is who I am, this is me, don't let them words hurt youWhen the sharpest words wanna cut me downI'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them outI am brave, I am bruisedI am who I’m meant to be, this is meLook out 'cause here I comeAnd I'm marching on to the beat I drumI'm not scared to be seenI make no apologies, this is meOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh-ohOh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh, ohAnother round of bullets hits my skinWell, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink inWe are bursting through the barricadesAnd reaching for the sun (We are warriors)Yeah, that's what we've become(Yeah, that's what we've become)I Won't let them break me down to dustI know that there's a place for usFor we are gloriousWhen the sharpest words wanna cut me downI'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them outI am brave, I am bruisedI am who I'm meant to be, this is meLook out 'cause here I come (Yeah, yeah, yeah)And I'm marching on to the beat I drumI'm not scared to be seenI make no apologies, this is meI'm alone, I never fit the moldThe world is so cold, hold it down on my ownI'm just tryna reach up to the sky, see the moonI got confidence 'cause I'm the flyest in the roomAnd I been knocked down, but I always get upI had some fake friends, had to go and switch upYeah, no pain, no strain, I ain't chasin' all the pain'Cause I got more to gain, and I'm just tryna make a changeI'm just doin' me, I'm in my own laneI fell down a few times, but I'm up againMarchin' to another drum, see me crawl, see me runWhen they thought that I was done, no, I'm not, here I comeI'm not weak, I get on my feetNo apologies, yeah, this is meAnd I know that I deserve your loveThere's nothing I'm not worthy of (Uh, yeah, yeah)When the sharpest words wanna cut me downI'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them outThis is brave, this is bruisedThis is who I'm meant to be, this is meLook out 'cause here I come (Look out 'cause here I come)And I'm marching on to the beat I drum(Marching on, marching, marching on to you)I'm not scared to be seen (Uh, yeah)I make no apologies, this is me (No apologies, yeah, this is me)Whenever the world's gone, whenever the world's goneI'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them outOh, oh, oh, this is me

All right, it is now time for episode number 35. We are here at the Gut Check Project. I'm Eric Rieger with your host Dr. Ken Brown. We've got someone special here today right between us.Well, we are in some place special. We are.We're not in our home base.We aren't in the home base.We are in a basement in Austin. We are.Because we heard that this special guy, Ron Klabunde, the founder of Replenish Foundation and Generosity Feeds which you and I are huge fans. Definitely.You took your family to go do that. We went and did that. And what he's doing is amazing. And we decided to do a mobile show here. We had the opportunity to track him down. He's busy. He's an important person.Ron. Obviously we're going to introduce you-the founder as Replenish Foundation as well as Generosity Feeds but we came down here specifically for an event that you're hosting. Without further ado, Ron, just kick it off and then we're going to after you tell us what we're doing here today, we're going to back it up on how you even got here.Sounds good. So tonight, we are bringing the who's who of Austin together highly curated group of 100 people. And basically we're going to party on purpose we call it POP Austin "party on purpose." Too many parties happen it's just a party, right? What if we bring some meaning to that because all of us are looking for more meaning in life. So we've got the top people in Austin coming together to party on purpose. Obviously we know when the right people are in the room magic happens.Definitely. Happens from a business standpoint happens interpersonally. And then there's the purpose side. So tonight, now what you guys don't even know is that you're showing up and everyone there is going to have a chance to create about 2,500 meals for local kids struggling with hunger. And then flow in the middle of the party. Oh, that's awesome.That's awesome. And then on top of that, we're working to raise $60,000 tonight to help to help feed 50,000 children across America who are struggling with hunger and empower 64,000 volunteers that we're already working with, as an ongoing force for good. So there's our purpose side: party on...Say that one more time. So tonight, this party that we're all gonna have fun at, everybody's...Live band...everything.It's gonna be entrepreneurs coming together, talking, sharing ideas, but you're going to feed how many people you're going to raise how much money and this is a party on purpose. I love that. Yeah, yeah. So there will be about 2,500 meals created tonight throughout the course of the night. And then, and then we're raising money to help feed 50,000 children in 29 states across America, and then empower our 64,000 volunteers is an ongoing force for good.So we can't emphasize this enough here. So Ron and...Ken and I met Ron around a year ago through the Baby Bathwater network. And not long after we ran into each other you invited Ken and I to participate in the Dallas Generosity Feeds and we looked at it and we thought, have no idea what this is. And just like Ken said, I was able to get my family-his was actually out of town playing tennis. But loaded the kids up, met Ken. My wife and I we got together and we packed 11,000 meals in about an hour and 20 minutes.That's dead on.And it goes to it went to all those kiddos who simply correct me if I'm wrong, but they don't get meals on the weekend. They happen to be on a free lunch Monday through Friday right? But they don't have anywhere to turn for the food so kind of tell us a little bit about Generosity Feed.So, Generosity Feeds is kind of our...it is our premier initiative. It's what gave us influence and credibility across the country. It's It's why we have 64,000 volunteers today and we've helped feed over 170,000 children across America. I mean, it's crazy what's happened in...with this deal. And I can certainly give you the backstory on how that even started at some point here but but yeah, you came to our event in Dallas, by the way, our first event in Dallas.Oh, nice. Oh, was it?Yeah, our first event our first event there with you. And 11,000 meals created in less than two hours. You probably had about 300 people at that one event alone.That was...we were packed.So that was the thing that I was super impressed. I showed up. Everybody there showed up kind of deer in the headlights like, what do we do? And you just you have one thing in common? We're all here to help. So people are like, Hi, I'm Joe. Hi. I'm so and so. These are my kids. This is my wife. He's like, yeah, we're here to help feed some people. Everybody had the same mission. It was so cool. Because suddenly you have a purpose.Yeah, a shared purpose. A shared purpose. Yeah.Yeah. Well, and the beauty of this is it's these 300 people are coming from all aspects of the city. This is the business sector coming together with the nonprofit sector coming together with the local schools. And you probably even had some, some some politicians standing in the room. It but it goes further than that. Then you have people of all ages. You have kids with you-kids as young as three, sometimes moms or dads carrying the child on their chest, right as they're creating meals. And then we've had we had a lady up in Washington State 97 years old, helping start so it's crazy, right? But then it's beyond age, then it's it's the social economic difference. Because Ken you very likely were standing next to a single mom, whose child three weeks later was going to receive the meals that you were creating. Really? Yeah. And you didn't know it.Did not know I talked, everybody that was standing next to me. We formed now the beauty is Generosity Feeds does a great job of the logistics of getting the food that's there. This is how we're going to pack this how we're going to do it. It's a well run business. Absolutely. It's a very well run business and we're going to get into this because to have a good nonprofit...You better have a good business. You better have a good business. Well and I'll even add that it's good business for businesses to be a part of and I think I've shared this with you in the past and Ken you knew it but when we went to go and be a part of Generosity Feeds and of course I'm gonna say this several times because if you're ever interested and Generosity Feeds is appearing in your neck of the woods. Gather your friends and your family and go be a part of it. You'll spend two hours helping out tons and tons of kiddos who just simply need a meal.Having fun. Music. Yeah, music. Dancing. Dancing.It was fun! But, I had never been to a Mod Pizza and mod pizza happens to be one of the sponsors, title sponsors of everything Generosity Feeds does. Because of their involvement and the the fun and the giveback opportunity we had, I've been to Mod Pizza now probably eight or ten times in the last year and I'd never been there before. So I connect with the the business aspect of wanting to be a part of something good. And suddenly I found a good and worthy business that actually has gluten free pizza that my wife can eat. Because so it's, there's there's lots of reciprocity, if you want to be a part of an organization that gives back so if you're, if you're a company, pay attention, Ron's who you need to hook up with if you're interested.That's why that's why we're here. Atrantil KBS research as a company, we're here to support you. Because we are trying to heal people's guts. Yeah. And you are trying to feed people.And keep them full.And keep them full. And we want to be involved with a company like you. And I'm very honored that we're sitting here. I'm very honored that we have the ability to be in Austin, that we're going to be part of this. Thank you for inviting us. But I'm also honored that we work for a company that decided to do this together. So shout out to Chuck and Mike and Brandy and everybody and Anthony, everybody else on our team that said yes, go down to Austin. We're going to support thatThat's right. Absolutely. So, we've talked a little bit about generosity feeds and I believe you said it's a subsidiary of the Replenish Foundation. Correct. But there was a Ron Klabunde long before Replenished Foundation and Generosity Feed. So, where are you from? How did you get to...? Where my rear end is. Yes, yes, yes. That's where I'm from.Oh, yeah. So Ron is hilarious with with lots of cheap jokes where his rear end is where he's from. And, but Where, where, where do you originate from? How did you get to where you are now I know that you have a history of being a pastor, etc.So so yes, I was a pastor for 21 years. And in my own journey, as I've shared with you, I just became a little disillusioned with how local churches were talking about loving God and loving other people, and yet really weren't partnering with businesses to make a difference or really, I mean truly partnering with church, schools to make a difference or even other nonprofits they they tended to want to keep doing ministry on their terms. And I'm looking at this and I'm going, this isn't about what a church should be doing to for in a community. It's what a church should be doing with a community, based on what a community needs. Why are churches inviting people to come to them to meet their needs on the church's terms, instead of doing what I saw Jesus doing, which was going out and meeting people on their terms?Could you say that again, you said to what a church shouldn't be doing too.So a church church is so focused so much on doing ministry to a community in a community or for a community, that the moment we use those words, right, it's all about what it's about me and what I want to do to give, it's not about the other person. This is about with that, that it's what we get to do together. Right. That here's the principle behind it. Thanksgiving and Christmas, right? Your families you might be thinking, well, this Thanksgiving, Who should we who should we go serve? Sure.Or what nonprofit should we go serve with as a family? Right? Many families in America do this. That's a good question to start with, who are we going to serve? It's not the best question to start with. Because and here's why. That's an addition question. We are going to go serve them. That's one plus one. The better question is, who am I going to serve with?Say that again? Who am I going to serve with.With because, because if I want to if I want to make a difference in someone's life, then I need to be inviting you because now I get this relationship and my desire to do good begins to rub off on you. You come with me, and we together, go serve and something ignites in your heart. And now you're changed. And then you're like, you know, that just felt good. That was right. I want to live a more meaningful life, more purposeful life. We all want to do that. And so what do you turn around and do you go find another friend and you're like hey, you need to come do this with me. And so the power of the power of generosity is not found in what we do. It's found in who we do it with. It's about the relationship.You lead by example. Yes. You lead by example. You're not telling people to go do things. You say, follow me. I'm going to show you we're going to do this together, and we're going to make each other better.What he, what he's saying is not even just a theory, and I didn't get a chance to tell you this yesterday. So Ken had to leave the procedure facility yesterday earlier than I did because he had a he had an interview, and I stayed a little bit longer. We have a new center director, his name's Chris. So big shout out here to Chris. I told him while we were coming down here for the weekend, he thought it was it was an incredible opportunity. I said, Well, we'll have another Generosity Feeds event in Dallas. You may want to see it, the rest of the endo center would like to come be a part of it. He immediately said, what a great team building exercise for all of us to go down and give back to the community I mean, it bled from you encouraging us to meet your team. I just happened to mention it without any prompting from you. And now...Because it was just lift. Yeah, I think the center's gonna have next timeThat's a great idea a company like Digestive Health Associates of Texas and AMSURG these companies that we're affiliated with. Yep. We've got KBS doing it now we can just keep working our way up to the bigger and bigger companies that we have access to.Yeah.To help out.That's right that's it's pretty powerful message to to be able to go and serve with versus you're just going to go and serve.Yeah, well even take it take it to the business level now. Sure. Think about what's happened in business over the last number of years. We had Tom's come up with what the one for one model right. And it's it's all about a transaction you buy this we'll give this and that's as far as it ever goes with the customer. And then you have the companies that as you just said, this is a great team building opportunity. Let's bring our employees in Salesforce rocks it out with empowering their employees to go serve in the local community and the things that they're passionate about. But where's the where's the model? Where now as a company, you can invite your customers to come serve with you. And you're not just there, they already love your product right there. They're buying from you because they love your product. But what if you're inviting them now into your value system? And you build a relationship with them around your value system of giving back of doing good as a company becoming a force for good. The moment you do that, you turn customers into raving fans of your brand. Sure. That's the power of this. It's the power of with.Yeah. The power of with.And the interesting thing about that is that it cannot be faked. No, no. You, you either live it you say look, we're gonna we would love our customers. I would love everybody who's ever bought Atrantil to be part of something like this. But I want you to do it because you just want to do it. I don't want to do it for that you're not going to gain anything other than you're going to be part of a community you're going to serve, you're going to find purpose, where we want to be one of those companies that actually helps with something like that. You can't fake it.No, but you're inspiring something in people that's beyond a product. Definitely.We were talking earlier that there was a study when you stole the car earlier. We're...a study came out that millennials prefer to purchase from a company that they feel is doing good for the for their community for the world, whatever, because it's a very jaded society now we realize that there's just a lot of for profit things we're going to get into this because a nonprofit for profit the only way you're going to be successful is actually making a profit one way or the other. Was it Hollis or somebody else at Baby Bathwater that one time was talking about the best way for someone to have a good good experience with you and may I can't remember if it was Hollis or not but they essentially said your customers are always looking for the community net positive. Now I can't remember exactly who wasn't said that at the last meeting but they were talking about if I make this purchase then I know I'm getting this product. But what if I'm supporting a company that's also either helping the environment or helping my fellow man they're looking for the net positive with their interaction with the company because if I buy a pencil over here from let's say a name of a store but it's all about the transaction well it's it's only as cold as the money went here and I got...walked away with a pencil but maybe if I spent I don't know two or three cents more over here and they encouraged me to do one more thing in my community that brought somebody else in or made a piece of plastic.Man, I love where you're going with this it never even occurred to me that part of our follow up post purchase email should be something charitable like this. Yes, we should sit there and say not not now that you purchase this get on cuz you know it's business. It's post purchase email hope you enjoyed it we want to turn you into that promoter.You want to subscribe?Yeah do you want but but everybody's doing that. I want to do this and we're going to do this with KBMD and KBS yeah say thank you for purchasing this hey we teamed up with Ron Klabunde who has opened this thing if you are so inclined go look at it one time one email no more follow up though if then funnels this. No, just check it out. I like it you should check it out.So this concept of wanting to do things with lead you to basically change the way that you handled your approach to being a pastor. Correct. And then so when it when are you getting to the point where Replenish Foundation and Generosity Feeds and the other companies that are enveloped within begin to form on the horizon? How did that all come about?So I'll bring us back to the beginning. Okay. My wife and I were living in northern Virginia and this is pertinent to the story and that we were living in the wealthiest county in America. Okay.OkayIs this outside of DC? This is outside of Washington DC, okay. And so we wanted we we realized that people in Washington DC wanted to serve. They wanted to teach even their children the values of generosity and service, and all comes back to this. No one wants their kids growing up being an asshole. No one. And so we figured, but here's the problem. The problem is, it takes time to find a good nonprofit. It's even harder to find a good nonprofit that will let children serve because of insurance liabilities. So that's a huge thing. Never thought about that.Barrier entry point for families serving together. So what we did is we decided, well, let's create something that has a low entry level. Let's partner with the local school because the local school already has more influence than any other organization in the community. Sure. So This school is promoting it, people are going to come. So now I don't have any marketing overhead. Yay. And so then we go that we went to local businesses and we said listen, the local school we're doing this event with them. And in the wealthiest county in America catch this. There were 12,500 children struggling with hunger, the wealthiest county in America. 12,500 children struggling but the hunger back in the day. So we looked at this and we went, business leaders listen, why don't you come with us on this but also bring your employees with you as a team building opportunity. Let's just do this as a community wide and collaborative. It's a school it's the businesses, nonprofit sector, a church here or there.Can I slow you down?Please. Because I love and we've we've talked about this. I love how people end up where they get there. And clearly you saw the need.Right.I want to know even before that when you're sitting with your wife and you guys had the AHA moment you went, hey, maybe we should consider doing something like this. Because it makes total sense that you know that all these kids need to eat. It's it's those, it's those moments that build that can change the trajectory of a life.And did mine. Absolutely. We were we were, we were innovating ways to create easy entry levels for people to serve. So we tried a number of things before we got to Generosity Feeds. And we were sending kids we were doing food collection before and sending kids that who weren't going to eat over the weekend. We were sending them home with 20 pound backpacks of food. Now imagine imagine a six year old trying to get a 20 pound backpack it doesn't work right so we made some horrible mistakes in the journey, horrible mistakes. And eventually we innovated to this to this idea and and we mobilize 600 people. Event one. Wow. Wow. 600 people showed up to create 40,000 meals in less than two hours.You and your wife plan this. Yes.That is so cool. The logistics of that is so cool.Just the supply alone. Yeah.To have that. Yeah. That's pretty incredible.Now you see the community now is coming around this idea because it's an easy entry point who can't show up for two hours at the local high school to help create food for kids in that school and that school district.Yeah.Who would go hungry otherwise on the weekend?Now your experience in the church did did you kind of already know or at least somewhat predict that because it going through the Generosity Feeds event, and just like Kim described it, it was lots of instant team building with the people that were there. Yes.Did you kind of already know looking for your range in this? Yes. And I know there's there's wisdom in there yea.There's wisdom that I gleaned sure the years and there's there's a reason that every packaging station which you were both at is between 12 to 15 people There's a reason for that because we're seeking to create community. You can't create community with 600 people in one room. But if I take 600 people and I break them down into teams of 12 to 15 they're going to naturally build relationships with each other and that's what I want. I want everyone leaving with a new friend that shares the value of generosity and service.And the other thing which I thought was really cool at least when we did it was this fun competition. Yes. Yes.They're like yeah, this tables crushing it here I'm like, Come on guys, we're not gonna let them win, we have to do this. It's it's it's the human nature. That's right.Everybody was really excited as each one we would pack the boxes I can't remember how many food packs went into each box but regard...25 Okay, so you get to 25 and then basically your your tables excited because we'll we've we've sealed another one. But of course it's it's a victory for the kiddos who are gonna end up getting it in the end.So as a gastroenterologist the other thing that I was really pleased with...Yes.You guys chose a sustainable food source you had a good protein fat carbohydrate ratio. So you're not like putting Fritos in a bag and saying go home. No! Um. Here's where that came from. Um, in our family we eat as all natural and holistic and organic as we can. Nice. And part of that is my wife has autoimmune issues. I don't I don't think I've shared that before. And so she's also gluten intolerant and thyroid issues and before I give the whole medical thing that's going on with her, right? Well, here's what my wife said to me early on. She said there is no way that we are feeding millions of children in America what we're not willing to feed are own children.Good for her. So cool. That is so cool.That's the standard. And so everything we did was go out and find the healthiest we created the product but create the healthiest product we could that was lightweight. Sure. That could that a six year old kid carry home you know? Yeah, that was lightweight that could be created by the masses that could be a mobile manufacturing plant that would create community bring all the aspects of community together and could be a dance party when we wanted it to be.That's an absolute brilliant idea. Yeah, I mean, talk about a win win win. You around very clearly are not only a very generous person, very altruistic person, but pretty damn smart. Yeah. Because that is cool. You're a good businessman.Yeah. You could take you could take the letters, PDS sense PDGs already been taken.Yeah, yeah.That's right.Well, it was also it's not just infectious for the the event that we went to in Dallas We're in coronavirus season, we don't use the word infectious. Oh, sorry. Let me let me shed some light no shedding disease. No but I think two weeks before we did our event Lavich and Hollis had participate in the one was in Colorado and a very similar experience so y'all are obviously replicating all of the good parts building upon and improving. Absolutely.I'm looking forward to the to the next event we'll obviously be there but I don't want to steal the thunder we'll get to that in a moment to Generosity Feeds how people can look it up but so now you've you've gotten to the point of my wife and I have decided that we want to do something different like she's thrown down a great edict: we want to feed kids the same things that we would eat your piece it together. The first event had 600 volunteers you had 40,000 meals made. Now what?Within two weeks, I started getting phone calls from community leaders around the country going we heard what you're doing in northern Virginia. We need your help, will you come? Wow. And so theysame state?I mean, oh, no. Across the country, were calling meOh, across the country. Sorry. They were...How did they find out about it?I'm well networked. Okay, so because of just because of my background I used to...You're an Instagram model.You just got my mouth to close!So not that kind of networking, okay.No, um I used to and now I'm back at doing keynotes around the countries I teach leadership development around the country and so because of my earlier years of doing keynotes I'm just I'm well networked into the business sector and into the even into the kind of the faith sector of our culture. So people know...people are watching what I'm doing. They they saw, they knew and so within one year of that event, we were coast to coast.Holy. That's great.And that was the ah-ha moment-going back to your previous question. When was that kind of that that wake up moment? Yeah. When we were When we did our first event in Eugene, Oregon, as far as you can get away from DC. And it flew with all the same outcomes as we had in Washington, DC, my wife and I looked at each other and went, holy shit. We just started a national nonprofit that can go to any community in America. Yeah. And then it was just a matter of leading that to growth. Sure.Because growth doesn't just happen, you have to invest in grwoth, and so we began investing in the growth of the company. The other moment that was really big for us, is obviously it takes capital. It doesn't matter what we're starting in life, for profit, for purpose, nonprofit, it takes capital. I remember walking in my living room. And I looked at my wife and I said, listen, I need to write a $15,000 check to the foundation, so that this thing has a chance at living. Can I write the check? And I said, by the way, I think I'll have it I think we can pay ourselves back in eight weeks again. Keep in mind, I was a pastor. I was getting paid almost nothing. So 15,000 for me, you're going to know in a moment how close that was to my end. Wow. She says, yes. 10 weeks later, I walk back in the living room and I go, honey, I haven't been able to pay us back on that $15,000. I need to write the last $15,000 we have to our name. Can I do it? And my wife goes, "write the check."Holy cow. So just to clarify. Nonprofit, you took all your savings.Dumped it. Dumped it in there. Yeah. With the mission of saying we know we're onto something. Yes. But we're losing money right now. Yes. That's guts.Well, it was. Holy cow.It was this vision. It was the it this is a painful point to to be honest with you is that I had the we had the vision for feeding millions of kids who across America struggling with hunger but I was writing the last check not knowing if I'd feed my own. Oh.Goodness gracious. Oh my goodness. That's the level of commitment.That's the line.Dude. That is coolest thing I think I've ever heard. Yeah.I'm willing to take food out of my kids' mouths knowing that if I do this right, I can feed millions. Yes.And your kids did you sit and tell them that?Oh, they know all this. They're in the game with us.That's so cool. So cool. They knew. I know that you and I have a son, sons that are the same age. So my my youngest is 16 and I think yours is  1616, yeah.And then how many other kiddos you got?18 year old girl.Oh, that's what I have also.And a 15 year old girl.Okay, nice. I've got 18 year old son 16 year old son. You are 15...15 and 13. A 15 year old boy and a 13 year old girl.Nice. They they eat a lot. Both of them. If I sat with them and said I'm not gonna feed you for a week because I'm going to try and feed a million kids...actually I take this back, actually my kids, both Lucas and Carla are amazing kids, they will probably look at me and be like, you need to feed a million kids. Sure. We'll go forage. There's and that's that's, that says a ton about you that you went out on that kind of limb. And man, I'm so glad that you did. Because we saw the effect. Right.That you're you're doing and we only saw it on the local level. You see it all these other places we're going to, we're going to explode it tonight at this Party on Purpose. Gonna be amazing tonight.So how long ago was Eugene, Oregon's first event?That was eight and a half years ago. Wow.So now you hit Eugene, Oregon, you say to your wife, we are definitely in something that we can replicate in city to city. Yes. You're going to take this nonprofit worldwide. It's going to grow we talked about you need capital.Right. Where does Replenish Foundation Generosity Feeds began to take shape?So, we had some very wise councillors, advisors on the front end. So when we were even looking at this first event with 600 people, they said you need to start a nonprofit that is a um umbrella organization so that you can create an ecosystem of nonprofits underneath it. Because I don't want to lead six initiatives that all have their own 501C3, that's six different boards. It's too much management. It's not efficient. So far better off creating one nonprofit that can house various initiatives. So Generosity Feeds is a DBA of the Replenish Foundation. And that allows us now to be creating additional initiatives that all play off of each other.Sure.And are now working collectively to establish generosity as the new gold standard in America. That's what we're after. I know that Generosity Feeds is one of your biggest DBAs under the Replenish Foundation. What what DBAs do you have?Yea, the other one is Generosity Serves. So as of today, we have 64,000 volunteers across America. Remarkable number. Here's what's happening at events now. Oh, and we also partner with other nonprofits. Oh. So, so when we go into a community and all these meals are made, we don't do distribution. We bring in other nonprofits, we promote them at our event. Nice. And then we give them the food. So here's what's happening. These nonprofits are now coming to us going, you got 400 people from our community to show up at your event and we can't get 40. Okay. Would you be willing to mobilize your local volunteers to serve with our organization? Well, of course, I am.Sure This is about doing good. This is about becoming a force for good. This isn't about competition in the nonprofit sector. This is about helping these other nonprofits soar.Right.So Generosity Serves is a platform now where with our nonprofit partners across the country we can go into our database and begin to mobilize these people to serve with these other nonprofits in the rhythm that works for their family. Oh, wow. You haven't...you haven't you have built an army of generous people.Yes. That's where we're that's why we're seeing that we're seeking to change culture. Because we know if we can change the dial of generosity in America, even just three notches, three degrees from our present trajectory. Together, we can begin to solve every social issue that exists. I believe the timing is perfect. Also, I think I think the pendulum is swinging back away from that social media obsession and people are going I am done. I am unplugging. I want to be with somebody I want to talk I want and I think it's an incredible timing. I think that people are seeking this which is why they, you've been able to do this. Well, you've been able to do it because you're very organized and you did it the proper way. And you're very charismatic and there's a lot of reasons why your particular thing, but that's the platform that other people can go with. You know, we're doing KBMD is sponsoring Linda's Nebraska ataxia for the for the fourth year in a row. And I was just thinking the whole time when you said we team up with other nonprofits, she does, she is my med school roommate, been friends with her forever and she developed a type of ataxia. And meaning that she, it's, it's, it's like Lou Gehrig's disease, but she has the resources and she found a physical therapist that analyzed her and was able to put a vest on her with weights. And it actually allows her to walk without the vest. She can't walk. Oh my goodness. Yeah, so then so she decided on her own dime to do a Nebraska Ataxia foundation and all they do is buy them and given to people and there's just video of video of people in wheelchairs and they show up and give them a vest because that technology exists. Yeah, it's like this. There's kids not eating on the weekend. You can feed them and you can eat them good food and they're gonna they're gonna become great members of society. It's just that easy. It isn't like you're going and given some weird obscure drug. It's like oh my gosh and so like I'm just we need to get you and Linda hooked up with that or she needs that you have any events in Omaha Nebraska?Not right now. We'll set that on the through her but she's got a big network and we can we can do that.That's right. We did. I don't know what podcast that was but he came on our podcast and he taught Eric and I about toxic charity, how you can cause more damage, trying to do good by throwing...You know, it's so cool as we've had a handful of different charitable folks drop in on the gut check project and one of them that always comes to mind right off the top is another BBW guy and that's Robo Hendrickson with a I mean, he truly is...in but the way that he describes the passion behind why he does what he does transforming communities is very similar to what you're talking about. But even more to the point the way that it's not what you would consider what Robo termed was toxic charity.Throwing money...the fact that you y'all have yet another subsidiary, just simply called Generosity Serves shows that you're, you're enabling a community to feel comfortable and more community by serving together find and you even said it yourself finding ways to make it fit your schedule. And you're doing it without competition between people who are trying to do well, it's like, let's lift each other together. In my own small town. I told this to Ken we there's a man by the name of Ricky and he works through a church but he invites the entire community at least one Saturday a month to simply come and staff tables where we hand out food. That's all that we do. A lot of the different food producers in the North Texas, they donate it, they know there's going to be a big line. People come from all over. But regardless, they get shopping carts. They come out there in the parking lot. We load them up, and then they've got plenty of food for a couple of weeks. It's great. And it's giving and it's things like what you're talking about all we've ever needed as volunteers to help make it happen.So, side note, but this is a shout out and mad props to every single parent out there. Dad or mom Loy and Lucas spent two weeks in Mexico touring doing tennis. I had to try and figure out what to do with my daughter. Like pick her up from school, get her to her events, cook dinner for her. I want to say it was the two most stressful weeks I've had in my entire life because I'm trying to work. Now. I'm the boss. I started thinking, Wait a minute, I'm the boss and I do okay, financially. What happens and I started looking around my office I'm like, I have a lot of single moms working for me. Oh, yeah. Oh my gosh, I have a lot of single moms that are going to get fired when they show up late again. And there's, and they're they and I just I had this. Am I that big of a jerk that I have not until I lived it...Yeah. That's frickin hard. Yeah. And then when you don't have enough money to give your kid food on the weekend, the only food they're eating is at school. So then it's insult to injury where you're you're trying your best. Yes, they are. You want to give your kid food. And then something like this, where they just come home with a backpack and the food's already there. No questions asked. Nothing being said and it's healthy.You know what makes that story even better, is when that kid was at that school event, help create the meal and three weeks later, they open their backpack and it's sitting there and they kept their dignity because they helped make it Oh, yeah. Take it to the next level.Yeah, that's cool. Then that's that's the epitome of not a toxic charity. Because what Robo talked about is it doesn't do me any good to go to a community because just like you he's serving with them. He's teaching them how to take care of their animals, go get an education, give back to the people learn how to grow the food mill, it's very much the same thing you've removed the stigma of someone just gave me this to I created this for me and for some other people who are in similar situations. That is a pretty incredible full circle, give back. I didn't even think about that to the people that we were building these.That's where that's where I said, you very likely had no idea you're standing next to a single mom. You'd have no idea because the moment we unite ourselves around shared values, nothing else matters. You're right. Your wealth doesn't matter when you're united around shared value.This is...we do this, Eric puts my patients to sleep. I stick a camera in people's butts, the one thing that we see over and you may be a super rich guy, you may be this buff person, you may be old. We all have the same inner workings. We're all the same. That's what we totally forget. We're all the same. And I see that because I stick cameras and I'm like, your stomach looks like it looks like his stomach. We're all the same. That's right. And when we sit there and realize that if my kid was hungry, thank God, they have never had to experience that. But if we had something that I could, I mean, to be able to go and be a participant say, honey, we're going to go and we're going to pack some food and you're gonna have food for this week, but we're going to earn it. That's so cool. Non toxic charity.That's right. So we started off in northern Virginia. Yes. And then we've we've gotten to the point now where Replenish Foundation functions is a large company with a handful of charitable subsidiaries. Yes. Now today, you're in 29 different states with events correct? That's correct. So what what is Generosity Feeds is doing now? How can people that are tuning into Gut Check Project figure out where they fit in to learn how they can begin to serve with? Yes. In, in and around their communities with their neighbors at? What What can people do?So let me hit the business side of this first. Sure. So we work we work with over 600 businesses across the country. And you it's very possible that your that our listeners today have heard of something called corporate social responsibility.Corporate social responsibility.It's called CSR. And this is often used by the larger companies. Now, here's the problem with CSR. It's this. Its responsibility. No one wants to do a responsibility, something responsibility is something you have to do. Right. And yet these larger companies, most companies are looking for CSR. What's our corporate social responsibility going to be? No, we're throwing Corporate Social Responsibility out the window and we're saying listen, don't do a CSR. Do CSO, corporate social opportunity. Let us help you as a business, create a philanthropic strategy that engages your product, summit a piece of your profit, whatever you want your employees and your customers, and that customer pieces a huge piece. And so one of the things that we're doing now with companies is helping them develop their their CSO, corporate social opportunity, because when a company does it right, it's going to accelerate their business. I was talking with a very large business owner in Salt Lake City this last week, and they just dumped a lot of money into a nonprofit initiative. And I said, you know, you're about to open 25 restaurants around the country. And you're going to drop about a half a million dollars on every one. I'm sorry. $500 million on every restaurant. to open it said I would imagine what...500 million?500 million is what typically it takes to open these larger scale restaurants okay? Holy cow. So 500 million. When you when you open a restaurant, are you going into that with a strategy and a plan? Yeah, well, of course they are. Anyone would. I said, over the next 10 years, you're probably going to invest 200 to $300,000 in philanthropy. Do you have a strategy for that? And she's like, oh, I get your point. Why in the world would you take $200,000 of your profit and invested in, in nonprofits without a strategy? Right.Like, let me help you design a strategy with your marketing team that's wrapped with your values, so that so that you're doing your philanthropy with a with a purpose. So you can see the outcomes in a way that actually accelerates your business.I love this because what I'm hearing is that charity and giving back is not checking a box.No, this is this is about nonprofits. Yeah.And for-profits working together. And here's the here's the statement, not it. The linchpin is this, for profits that have the heart of a nonprofit, need to find great nonprofits that have the mind of a business. Say that one more time.Okay for profits, businesses, businesses that have the the heart of a nonprofit...Love that. Need to find great nonprofits who have the mind of a business.And you're allowing this so I'm like the fact that you said that this is a corporate social opportunity. You are figuring out how to do it well. You can come to a company like KBS and say you are leaving your customers in a position where they don't know that they can give back. And we all win.Yes. And I can coach you through I can guide...and here's the beauty of this, this isn't about the foundation. Because at the end of the day, I want your company doing what you're passionate about. Not what I'm passionate about, this is about your value system. And so if these companies choose to work with us, that's great. I mean, that's going to help accelerate what we're doing. That's not the point to this. The point is, if you're aligning your profits and your values and your employees and your customers with a great nonprofit that aligns with all of that, then guess what? You're doing good. You're becoming a force for good and that's all I want. That's all I want. Yeah. And so that's the end game. Like, why because we're seeking to establish generosity as the new gold standard. That's not about me. That's about you.You wrote your last $15,000 check, told your kids we're out of money. And you went from there to I'm now going to teach large corporations how to do it better. And it all revolves around generosity and you lead by example that day when you wrote that check.Yes.So cool. That is so so cool. I'm excited. We are leaving we are completely because we now we know everybody at KBS we're there. We all do charitable things, your donate money I do the thing that you're saying, which is you know, I, whatever, you know, I try to donate, like, even like Linda's foundation and stuff like that every year I sponsor, I'm not taking advantage of the fact that I need to spread that message because all it does is help everyone get in their lane and oh, this is where I need to drive. That's that's basically what you're telling people to doIt's the power of with.Yes, power of with.Now, that's a pretty powerful message all the way around. It just seems like that lots of corporate responsibility did turn into the checking of a box. We should be doing this. So let's be sure that we do it. And Carol, you're over there. Did we do that thing? Did we send the check did but there's there's no personality behind that there's no touch in there, you're really not seeing it.Well let's take it one step further as a pastor tithing. I grew up Catholic, right 10% Where does it go? Who cares? I don't know. I'm just giving it. It's right. Right. It's what they said we had to do.That's the world I was in too.Now, and it...suddenly just enters a world of obligation. What what was probably born as a as a good purpose. It's lost. Its lost touch. It's lost feel. There's no texture to it. It's just this this, this money is spoken for, and it's gone. So now I'm super intrigued as a business owner. I come to you, Ron. And I say I have a I have a business. We're growing. I want to get my company in this corporate social opportunity. What would be the first thing that you would do? What would what would you do with me?So the first thing I'm going to do is I'm going to I'm going to send you an assessment. I'm going to have you assess your own company as to where you're at. And that's going to do two things. Number one, that's going to help you understand wait a minute, we're not all bad. That's the first thing it's gonna do.I talked to I talked to Tim and Patrick about this that like we're doing the whole we've all read the book Traction. Yes. And so you know, you do like that, you know, you start that you start thinking everybody's bad. You're like, this is your this is your score. Eric, you're a two this week. You are a two.No, so you're gonna get some good news, right? Yeah, but you're also going to evaluate where you want to be when it comes to CSO corporate social opportunity. And then I'm going to walk you through a process of blueprint of helping you close that gap. It's that simple, and in a company your size. Four hours, you will walk away with a blueprint of going, oh my God, is it really that easy? And it is. And so if this is not rocket science, I don't need to consult your company for three months. Let's just sit down, I'll put you through the assessment. We're going to walk you them through our blueprint that aligns your social, your social good with your value system, your product and some of your profit, and boom, you walk out the door going, oh my god, here's who we can partner with. and here's how we can tie our business and our customers into it and everyone wins.We have when we launched our product, we know consistently because our research when we did the clinical trials, we know that four out of five people are going to get better, like really get better. Sure. And we when we launched we either had one star on Amazon or we had five which is not a placebo. Either we worked or we didn't. Yes. And fortunately we are four stars and close to 1000 reviews. Every single one of those people that we helped, we can say if we made you feel better, I'm going to ask a favor of you now. And then we do your process. Yes. Because you have somebody that Yeah, I do feel better. You changed my life I want you to pay it forward and be with and we can make a difference and grow this network. That's so cool. Corporate Social opportunity. Did you coin that term? Yes. That's awesome. Only because CSO doesn't it doesn't work. It's it again. It's a check a box. It's it's not the heart.Right.And we're we're seeking to pull out of people, the values that are in them, the values in there. It's just letting them come to the surface and begin living.Isn't that so interesting? Because you can see how many people want to have that pulled out of them. Because we think that everybody's own superficial stuff, but the reality is, when we went and when we did Generosity Feeds, that was an enthusiastic, it's not like...From the moment we walked in.Oh my gosh, everybody the energy was amazing. Yeah, people want to get off of this superficial thing. They want to be part of something. And if they know that they can, it just comes to them. I mean, I'm the same way. I mean, I was so excited. I only found out about it because Eric said, hey, one of our Baby Bathwater people does this. I'm like, Okay, what are we doing? I was on call that weekend and everything. And I was like, Okay, I had no idea. Yeah, loved it had fun. And I'm somebody that is perfectly willing to give back and try and help out wherever but it doesn't. Since it's not being fed to me. I'm busy. I forget. Now, if we can sit there and develop some sort of process where and we can get other companies, like some of the other companies that we work with,You know, it's kind of interesting is it KBMD Health, but also just in the direct patient contact that we have. We talk about diet, we talk about exercise, we talk about different things that people do to improve their own health. And since I was a kid, I've heard that many times just simply giving of yourself will reward you even more than than whatever, but you hear it. You don't always get a blueprint on how do I effectively give back and it sounds to me like probably what you're really doing is, it may sound elementary, but you're just helping people rediscover the new way to find their purpose and then suddenly you begin to feel better. Suddenly depression issues aren't nearly as bad as they used to be. Because if you think about a gym, do you think gyms existed back in the 1800s? Could you imagine in the 1800s telling someone, we're going to have this building, and there's going to be metal bars, and we're going to put weight on them. And we're going to lift them, and we're going to put things over our heads. And we're going to do some stuff like this, and we're going to do some stuff like this. You're gonna look great, you're gonna feel good, and some cowboy would have shot you between the eyes and go that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. Have you ever heard that whole Jim Gaffigan set where he's just like, what in the world? How do people develop a Stairmaster? Hey, I got an idea. You know, people love walking up stairs. Let's make one that's never ending.But, but people, they they've gone to do that because that level of exercise for whatever it is, is keeping them in shape and helping them feel better. It just seems like what you you're doing is reintroducing people back to what they've become this...they became disconnected from your core. It's why people do yoga. It's why people do meditation it's to return to who they are. This is not that different.I have an idea for you. I think you should make the food much heavier like 20 pounds. Put it on the kids Yeah, give him a little workout. And then let 'em do squats.Do Memorial Day Murph For Memorial Day you go to Generosity Feeds get your 20 pound pack. Go do some air squats.Oh my goodness.That That is so cool. I'm just I'm I'm loving the idea that we could sit there and send a post purchase email sequence that just says hey, it's time to give back time to give back if you got better great if you didn't get your money back because we have 100% money back guarantee. Yeah, you didn't get better. Here's your money back if you got better now you need to pay for it. But not you go give back. Give back with us.With us. relationship. Everything's relationship.Let us know how you're giving back also, I mean, justWhatever it takes. But it's not you know, I mean, what I like what you're doing is you go, I'm a company your size, I need four hours, I've got the process, you very clearly are a very detail oriented person. You think through all these things, you've got 64,000 soldiers, that got your back right now. That's what we would need. I mean I want you to come to me and be like, here's what you're gonna do. That's what I love about traction. It's and you can do this, this, this and this. Now for your charity, you're going to do this, this, this and this, not write one check every Sunday.Yeah. And walk or interplays with what you are doing from the book Traction. Because again, when we talk about our, our body and our health, it we're holistic beings, everything in our place, right? Same thing in it, same thing in business. What you do in the philanthropic side of your business needs to completely interplay with what you do in the profit side of your business. Let them intertwined they're not two different silos, and that's what we're bringing together.Yeah, man I love what you're doing I absolutely love what you're doing and I just I like hearing the story how I built this because people look at this they're like oh yeah he's charismatic guy, he's a coach whatever know you wrote a check with the last money in your bank and you went...It hurts.Yeah, just just to reiterate, in case you're joining us late in the podcast and you're just joining in because somebody else...If you're joining us late just rewind and start over cuz it's all really good.Generosity Feeds does not handout, cheap meals and sweet tarts. This is legitimate food for kiddos that don't have an opportunity to eat and don't have an opportunity to get a good meal on the weekends and you've stepped in and you've allowed people into your vision to serve in a serving with you, which I think is awesome.You know what I really like also having kids our age, Eric made it a point to make sure that it was a family involvement. Gage brought his girlfriend. Yeah, it was it was we're going to do this. I'm going to lead by example. I'm gonna put the hairnet on. I'm gonna put the gloves on. Yeah, you're gonna see your dad do it first. And then follow my lead. So it's the same thing you lead by example. You teach others to do that they teach others to do that now we're all with it. And the car ride home was was filled with smiles. It was rainy that day. Yeah. It was rained hard that day. But I mean, everybody was like, man, it felt great.Yeah. And then is the conversations as a parent, reinforcing the experience. Sure.That's the power. Definitely no curriculum needed. How do people find you Ron? How do people help out?Easy. Email me at ron@replenishfoundation.org that easy, different ways to help out. Look for an event in your area. That's one If we're not there yet, that's fine. How do they find that? Is that on Generosity Feeds?Go to generosityfeeds.org.org, o.r.g.Yep, generosityfeeds.org go to locations, you'll see what's coming in the next usually four months. And in we're already booking 18 months from now. Whoa, it's crazy. So that's but that leads to part two. If you're if you lead a business that is wanting to do good, or you're a community leader, have it, call us we'll come to an event with you, like will coach you on how to mobilize your entire community and work with you and support you in this because it's all about the width. So break. Let's do this in your community. Let's do this together. So that's the other pieces go to generosityfeeds.org and just contact us and we'll, we'll help get this going in your community.Do you hear that Linda? Nebraska Ataxia, hit him up. Omaha is gonna be the next place to do a Generosity Feeds spot. And then we're going to team up two charities that I support.29 states covered right now, which means there's 21 left just in the US alone. So knowing that if I were a corporate person who wanted to be a corporate partner, and I know that we said that you don't just want to write a check, but you do need supplies.We do well, and we have national level funders, that are helping advance the mission. So you have we have local people who support the local events. And then we have the national partners, which you guys are, that are helping mobilize us into new communities across America that are helping us empower 64,000 volunteers, because the idea needs to be needs to spread.I just thought about something here. So if I'm a I'm not a I don't know how to say this in the right way. But if I'm a a family, yes, that is a tight on budget, right. And it's just easier to spend $8 at McDonald's to feed the family, is there I just don't know how to say this. But I would almost like to tell my patients for instance. Because I hear this from my patients all the time. It's very hard for me to shop at Whole Foods or whatever, or it's just easier that I can get McDonalds and you know, and I try and get them off of that. Is there a price point? Can anybody be part of this? Can anybody use eat it? I mean, basically, I would I would tell my I would tell my patients, go to Generosity Feeds, pack your own bag, make sure you eat this on the weekends and don't eat that crap that you find cheap.At our events when people come to at the end of all of our events. Here's what we say if you are here today, and you need food, just come see us privately. Because you're going to walk away with food. So it's that simple. Yes. Is the food already designated to the nonprofits that are going to distribute it? Yes. That doesn't matter. Someone when someone comes to an event needs food. Just come talk to one of our team members. We're going to hand you the food that you just created. Walk away with it.So DHAT my company. We need to do something with this also as a gastroenterology as the gastroenterologists for all ages that are the premier gastroenterology group in the country, we need to lead by example, we need to do stuff like this. Definitely. I think everybody be on board too. This is another one of those things where you just delivering laser focus to a lot of people who want to serve, they just don't know how to do it, or how to do it together.Well, sometimes it's the conventions, like Mod Pizza, as you said, is a title partner with us-national partner with us. So they do a leadership summit with all their general managers every year, guess what we do? We go in and catch this. This year they're creating 50,000 meals, they'll do it in less than one hour with 2,000 people. Like so. So we can come into these conferences and conventions and and we do this. We're working with Microsoft right now. Like, the coolest thing ever. Who are they? Yeah, I don't know. I think an up and coming company to buy some stock. So again, it's In those are private events where it's just that Corporation but it's like you so cool. You got this group around the country, the doctors come together. You put them on. So many companies talk about doing good. Let's just do it will bring it to youDon't talk about doing good.Well, just and I'm sitting there thinking we've got my company, I'm just thinking how many of these single moms that work for us that probably would be relieved that they could go home with some food. Because I found myself running out of time not cooking for Carla for those two weeks and ordering food and we ate like, well, we'd like crap per our standards chair. Um, it's, it's relative, right? I mean, it's, you know, read a lot of Thai food and whatever, you know, which I like. But um, but I wasn't cooking whole food. I wasn't doing the stuff that we normally would do.No, I agree with that, and probably the epitome of a lot of the people that want to give back, who aren't always in the best position to give back happened to be those same people. I would never know who actually truly struggles, it is walking amongst us until sometimes they kind of hit a wall and they just like, for the last number of weeks, I've been dealing with this I'll look and I'll say I had no idea. But that same person, whomever that would happen to be, I'm certain would jump at the opportunity to help a neighbor or friend. And then of course they would have the opportunity to benefit and take something back to their kids. That would be kind of incredible.Wow, I want to thank you so much for coming on. Thanks, Ron. I want to thank you for you lead by example. You're certainly gonna make a difference with us. We're gonna we're going to jump on board with KBS KBMD DHAT. We're remembering we're going to have the corporate social opportunity be our new motto.Yeah. If you're only watching us on the YouTube you may have missed we are down here in Austin, Texas for what they call the Austin POP the Party on Purpose yes event where we have a handful of corporate entrepreneurs who've come down here to Austin basically to help Generosity Feeds and Replenish Foundation mobilize to more areas throughout our country feeding kiddos that just needs some good meals. So Ron, I can't thank you enough for just bringing to life an incredible vision for a lot of people who just needed it. So it's, yeah it's awesome.I appreciate it great being on with you guys this is honestly just been a lot of fun. Oh, good, good. And I'm sure it has been for everyone else too.I hope so!Well, hopefully this will kind of spread and this is a great example of leading by example living by example. Corporate social opportunity Generosity Feeds Generosity Serves everything you have said is just makes me feel like I'm kind of a bad person and I need to do more.That's probably going to do it for Episode Number 35 Ron Klabunde here from Replenish Foundation and  Generosity Fees and Generosity Serves look him up everything in show notes of course, check us out, like and share Gut Check Project KBMDhealth.com. Dr. Brown, anything else?Yeah, I'm going to task everybody with a personal social opportunity. Definitely like and share this particular episode, because it goes way beyond the Gut Check Project,Send it to your boss.That's a great. Send it to your boss, find something that where you work or with your team. If you haven't been an entrepreneur, how can we begin to work together? This is your team building exercise. It costs you nothing, and it gives everything.Here we go. I'm going to I'm going to share this with Loida right now, my boss, my wife.Thank you! Tune in to Gut Check Project. We'll see you next week, don't forget we have a giveaway Dr. Brown's signature package Episode 36.Find a “Feeds” event near you https://generosityfeeds.orgOrganization Info on the Replenish Foundation https://generosityfeedsportal.org/uploads/images/prospectusreplenishfoundation_email.pdf

Others: How did you meet your husband? Me: Oh he was deployed in Iraq and I sent his friend a boob pillow and he wanted to know who sent it to him. This story and more with my incredible Guestpert Amanda DeMaris who is not only a military spouse of a deployed soldier but an Army Veteran herself. Listen in as we dish about some of our favorite and not-so-favorite military stereotypes and why going to Disney six weeks on a whim is always a great idea.We dish all about being milspouses and all the magic of the hurry up and wait life we've come to love. Come dish with us. Love,The ManagementSupport the show (http://paypal.me/britneyleighbrown)

1 Thessalonians 5:17 Pray without ceasing, 18 in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Paul’s prayer Colossians 1:9 (NLT) So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10 Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. 11 We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, 12 always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light. 13 For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, 14 who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins. Anytime you see the expression of being thankful it is not there as a filler word, it is there for a very specific purpose. Giving thanks is in the central part of any prayer because Thanksgiving opens you to something greater. You remember that the first mention of Thanksgiving was connected to something called a peace offering. The peace offering was a free will offering unlike any other offering for Israel back in that day of law, requirements and mandates. You will remember that we said, Thanksgiving comes from peace and peace leads to thanksgiving. Giving thanks opens your heart and mind to God and to his supply quicker than anything else. The text says the word thanking God who has enabled us to partake of an inheritance in the light. Stop and think about that: we actually have access to something that God has provided to us. Giving thanks is like a key or combination to open the door. RESCUED Have you ever faced a danger, such as a near miss while driving, or some other situation that could've ended badly? What's the first thing you said? You said thank you! We are all escapees! We are like escaped slaves! We been delivered! We got out! We made it over!Think for a moment what your life would be today without Jesus Christ, without the family he gave you, without the church and Teachers he gave you. Jesus literally purchased our freedom and forgive us our sins. Where would we be without Jesus and his church? The great Mahalia Jackson performed a songHow I Got Over How I got overHow did I make it over?You know my soul look back and wonderHow did I make it over? Tell me how we got over, LordHad a mighty hard time coming on overYou know my soul look back and wonderHow did we make it over? Tell me how we got over, LordI've been falling and rising all these yearsBut you know my soul look back and wonderHow did I make it over? But, soon as I can see JesusThe man that died for meMan that bled and sufferedAnd he hung on Calvary And I want to thank him for how he brought meAnd I want to thank God for how he taught meOh, thank my God how he kept meI'm gonna thank him cause he never left me TRANSFERRED Have you ever had experience of experiencing a transfer to something better or an upgrade?One of the best things when you travel away from home is to be booked into one hotel room and get upgraded to a better room. When I travel to Raleigh North Carolina last month to be a part of the 20th ministry anniversary of Pastor Williams I checked into a new Hampton hotel. I came early so I room wasn't ready for me, but because I was a Hilton rewards member, the lady gave me a king suite. I walked in there put my bag down a big smile came on my face! I received a transfer! I didn't deserve it, I could've done without it, but I received it anyway! There is no better transfer than your heart and mind to be moved out of the realm of worry, fear, anxiety, and all the limitations connected with this world the kingdom. To be transferred into the kingdom of the son of God's love is an incredible reality! New king James version says, 13 He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, Not only have you been transferred into a kingdom, you've been transferred into the Kingdom of God in Jesus Christ, who is the Son of his love! There are four keys to this transfer It is a transference from darkness to light. Without God men grope and stumble as if walking in the dark. They know not what to do; they know not where they are going. God has given us a light by which to live and by which to die. It is a transference from slavery to freedom. In Jesus Christ there is liberation. It is a transference from condemnation to forgiveness. He knows now that he is no longer a condemned criminal at God's judgment seat, but a lost son for whom the way home is always open. It is a transference from the power of Satan to the power of God. Through Jesus Christ man is liberated from the grip of Satan and is able to become a citizen of the Kingdom of God. Transferred into the Kingdom of the Son of his love. Redeemed by the blood and forgiven of all sins Psalm 89:15 Blessed are the people who know the joyful sound! They walk, O Lord, in the light of Your countenance. 16 In Your name they rejoice all day long, And in Your righteousness they are exalted.

Tocco Divino Salon, 2626 Pacific Avenue, Stockton, CA 95204 Me: Well, good morning everyone. Today, I am in front of Tocco Divino and I'm going to get my hair cut. And we're going to talk with Melissa Sherwood. Right in here right now. Me: And as you can see Melissa took good care of me over in the chair. Me: This is kind of her grand opening, almost? We're getting closer. Melissa: The grand opening will be January, February. Me: January, February. Melissa: Yeah, so it’ll be a while before we’ll have that. We had to get the little details taken care of before we do that. Me: Well, there have been a lot of details as we've kind of moved through this process. That's for sure. This used to be an office building. And it took a little bit at the city. As well as here to make it the beautiful place it is now. Melissa: Oh, yes, it took from the time of signing four months of hard construction. Yeah. Yeah, it was quite a transformation. Me: Have you got any pictures of the before and after? Melissa: I do have. I do have a video it's on Facebook. Of the before and after the full transformation from getting the keys to opening day. Me: Oh, very cool, very, very cool. So, that's on Tocco Divino. Melissa: Tocco Divino Salon Facebook page. It's also on my personal page if you happen to be a friend of mine. Yeah, I'm trying to find some other avenues to get it out there. So people can take a peek. Me: Very cool. Very cool. YouTube? Melissa: I tried to put it on YouTube. I haven't figured it out yet. Me: Very good. Very good. So tell everybody about what makes this different from any other salon. You are the new salon in town. Melissa: We are the newest salon in town. We really pride in making it a place that when you walk in that you just feel at home. That it's beautiful and you feel pampered just walking in. But, you also feel very comfortable. What also makes us different is that we believe that everybody that works here that we're family. And so you feel the difference just in the environment and atmosphere as far as a sense of community, a sense of family. And I think that makes us very different from any other salon. Because there's a lot of talent out there and we do have a lot of talent here as well. But the atmosphere, the environment makes us very different. Me: Very nice. Very nice. I know it does feel very, very homey in here. I enjoyed coming in. It’s my second trip and I was the first one I got to be a chair for. Melissa: Yes. Very true. I don't know if that was good. I was half-asleep. Me: You were a little tired that day. You were a little tired. That was what? Three hours of sleep you got. Melissa: One hour. Me: One hour, oh man. I was a brave man. Melissa: You were a brave man. Yes. Me: Well, everybody, make sure and stop by and see Tocco Divino. And Melissa Sherwood “The Cosmetologist For Everyone Who Sure Would Like To Look Good!” Thank you so much, and we'll talk to you all again later. Thanks. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/yourperfecthome/message

Sermon: Watch out for the Little Foxes Scripture: Song of Solomon 2:15 Date: January 20, 2019   Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes.  (Song of Solomon 2:15) Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders.  Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble."  Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.  Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.  Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.  (1 Peter 5:5-9) Let's look at 1 Peter 5 and talk about how to handle things that can ruin your day: Care God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.  (1 Peter 5:5b) Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.  (1 Peter 5:7) We often give power to things to ruin our day that should never have that power. Think how absurd it is to expect other people to act a certain way so that I can be happy. "Astronomers have yet to find a star sufficiently similar to the sun that it could be a candidate to host advanced life on a hypothetical planet in orbit around it."  -Hugh Ross To date, astronomers have discovered more than 100 just-right features of the Milky Way Galaxy that make it suitable for our existence. Instead of fighting what life has given you, try appreciating it. Cast Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom?  It's way over our heads.  We'll never figure it out.  Is there anyone around who can explain God?  Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do?  Anyone who has done him such a huge favor that God has to ask his advice? (Romans 11:33-34, The Message) Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time.  (1 Peter 5:6) Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.  (1 Peter 5:7) We can cast or carry. Instead of stuffing these things down, try casting them on Jesus. Do I care more about God's glory than I do about today going my way? "I am always doing something new in your life.  So try to keep an open mind when you encounter things you have not seen before - or even imagined."  -Jesus Calling Compassion Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.  (1 Peter 5:7) But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd.  (Matthew 9:36) He pursued Rahab with a scarlet cord even after she had been a prostitute. He pursued Gideon with an angel even after he had been terrified. He pursued David with a prophet from God even after he committed adultery and murder. He pursued Jonah with a fish even after he disobeyed the word of the Lord. He pursued Lazarus with resurrection power even after he had been in the tomb for four days. He pursued Peter with a beach breakfast even after he had denied him three times. He pursued Thomas with nail-scarred hands even after he had doubted him. He pursued Paul with a blinding light from heaven even after he had killed Jesus' followers. And he pursued Judas by washing his feet even as his love was being betrayed.   Here I amAll my intentionsAll my obsessionsI want to lay them all down In Your handsOnly Your love is vitalThough I'm not entitledStill You call me Your child God You don't need meBut somehow You want meOh, how You love meSomehow that frees meTo take my hands off of my lifeAnd the way it should go

Show Description Episode 005This is MeOh my gosh! Welcome back to the Love & Light Podcast! Peggy (the gentle threatener) and Mary (the surgical dabbler) are beta-moms who are so excited that you are giving us another listen! We talk about how to work some Gangsta Rap into your church lessons, how to apply sunscreen to toddlers, and about pens with great personalities and special spirits. We also talk about owning who you are as a parent, about authenticity and the image we portray, and we reveal the actual key to parenting (hint: it’s NOT admitting that Caillou is still on Netflix). There may also be a special voice appearance from she-who-must-not-be-named.We love these podcasts:BaconsaleAwesome with AlisonThe Tim Ferriss ShowAnd the music we talk about in this episode:The Greatest Showman soundtrackFirework by Katy PerryDynamite by Taio CruzAlso, a big thanks to bensound.com and Pleasant Pictures for the background music! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

The Legends Of S.H.I.E.L.D. Director SP, Agent Haley, Agent Lauren and Consultant Michelle discuss the Legion season two episode three “Chapter 11.” The reporters also run down the Marvel news roundup and discuss listener feedback.   THIS TIME ON LEGENDS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.:   Legion “Chapter 11” Marvel News Roundup Listener Feedback   The Legends Of S.H.I.E.L.D. Director SP, Agent Haley, Agent Lauren and Consultant Michelle discuss the Legion second 2 episode 3 “Chapter 11.” The Agents band together once again for their post Legion therapy session and discuss the lesson of the episode, surprise cows, what a Cut Nun may be, what’s up with Lauren’s skeletons in her shower, shudder while discussing the “Delusion Creature” AKA “Tar Bug,” and answer the question: Should Hulk Wear a bra? Stay tuned for the post credits!   LEGION “CHAPTER 11” [3:40]   LEGION “CHAPTER 11”   Chapter 11 aired Tuesday April 17th, 2018 on FX and earned a 0.380 rating. Legion was renewed for a third season on June 1st, 2018.   Season One:   Chapter 1 - 8 Feb 2017: 1.62 Chapter 2 - 15 Feb 2017: 1.13 Chapter 3 - 22 Feb 2017: 1.04 Chapter 4 - 1 Mar 2017: 0.75 Chapter 5 - 8 Mar 2017: 0.80 Chapter 6 - 15 Mar 2017: 0.73 Chapter 7 - 22 Mar 2017: 0.72 Chapter 8 - 29 Mar 2017: 0.81   Season Two:   Chapter 9 - 3 Apr 2018: 0.669 Chapter 10 - 10 Apr 2018: 0.439 Chapter 11 - 17 Apr 2018: 0.380   Directed By: Sarah Adina Smith https://www.imdb.com/name/nm2262138/?ref_=tt_ov_dr 10 directing credits starting 2006 2x Wrecked (TV Series) 2x Room 104 (TV Series) 1x Legion (TV Series) - Chapter 11 (2018) 2x Hanna (TV Series based on the film; in pre-production)   Written By: Noah Hawley - creator of show https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1279638/#writer 5th Discussion Appearance on Legends Of S.H.I.E.L.D. Previous Discussions.: Episode #180: Legion 1x01 "Chapter 1" (Writer) Episode #182: Legion 1x02 "Chapter 2" (Writer) Episode #195: Legion 1x08 "Chapter 8" (Writer) Episode # 234: Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. 5x14 "The Devil Complex" (Dr. Doom News) 8 writing credits starting 2006 6 x Bones 14 x Legion Chapter 1 (2017) Chapter 2 (2017) Chapter 8 (2017) Chapter 9 (2018) Chapter 10 (2018) Chapter 11 (2018) Chapter 12 (2018) Chapter 13 (2018) Chapter 14 (2018) Chapter 15 (2018) Chapter 16 (2018) Chapter 17 (2018) Chapter 18 (2018) Chapter 19 (2018) ALSO PRODUCED: Bones, The Unusuals, My Generation, Legion, and Fargo   Written By: Nathaniel Halpern - Legion Co-creator http://www.imdb.com/name/nm3408356/?ref_=ttfc_fc_wr1 3rd Discussion Appearance on Legends Of S.H.I.E.L.D> Previous Discussion Appearances Include: Episode #186: Legion 1x04 "Chapter 4" (Writer) Episode #191: Legion 1x06 "Chapter 6" 8 credits since 2010 1 x The Killing 3 x Resurrection 1 x Outcast 10 x Legion - Chapter 4 (2017) - Chapter 6 (2017) - Chapter 9 (2018) - Chapter 10 (2018) - Chapter 11 (2018) - Chapter 12 (2018) - Chapter 13 (2018) - Chapter 14 (2018) - Chapter 15 (2018) - Chapter 16 (2018) - Chapter 17 (2018) - Chapter 18 (2018) ALSO THE PRODUCER: Legion   NEWS [36:32]   HIGHLIGHT STORY OF THE WEEK   Police investigating elder abuse against Stan Lee https://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/national-international/Police-Investigate-Elder-Abuse-of-Marvel-Comics-Stan-Lee-485424171.html   ANT-MAN AND THE WASP   'Ant-Man and the Wasp' Post Credits Scenes Confirmed http://comicbook.com/marvel/2018/06/23/ant-man-and-the-wasp-post-credits-scenes/ Ant-Man and the Wasp, the next film from Marvel Studios, is confirmed to have 2 post-credits scenes   CAPTAIN MARVEL & BEYOND   Tom Holland reveals title for Spider-Man 2 https://www.instagram.com/p/BkYzfnXlJZg/?hl=en&taken-by=tomholland2013   Spider-Man Homecoming 2 casting gender-nonconforming character http://comicbook.com/marvel/2018/06/13/spider-man-homecoming-2-casting-characters-gender-nonconforming/   Sony developing movie based on Silk https://deadline.com/2018/06/silk-marvel-comic-movie-korean-american-superhero-1202415165   Marvel eyes female directors for Black Widow movie https://deadline.com/2018/06/black-widow-movie-marvel-cate-shortland-female-directors-scarlett-johansson-1202414395/   FEEDBACK [44:14]   TWITTER   https://twitter.com/adanagirl/status/1009995748316991488 Pirate Angel‏ @adanagirl FollowingFollowing @adanagirl More Pirate Angel Retweeted DisKingdom.com . @TaikaWaititi in a romphim!!!!! @LegendsofSHIELD #ListenUpAHoles Pirate Angel added, DisKingdom.com @DISKingdom #ICYMI - Funko’s Marvel SDCC Exclusives Announced https://buff.ly/2JVPmdm 10:05 PM - 21 Jun 2018   https://twitter.com/BornToEatBacon/status/1009881267570135040 Johnny‏ @BornToEatBacon FollowingFollowing @BornToEatBacon More Johnny Retweeted Chloe Bennet @LegendsofSHIELD Imagine how hot she has to be in person then? Johnny added, Chloe BennetVerified account @chloebennet Guy just now: You look like a tired version of that girl on that Marvel  show I stopped watching.                         Me: Oh... yeah man I think that might just be me.                                       Guy: Hahah no no you’re MUCH better looking. 2:30 PM - 21 Jun 2018 https://twitter.com/MrParacletes/status/1009038645284757506 Dr. Gnome to you‏ @MrParacletes FollowFollow @MrParacletes More @LegendsofSHIELD You get the big guy. Lol 6:42 AM - 19 Jun 2018 http://wegotthiscovered.com/movies/hulk-become-agent-s-h-e-l-d-avengers-4/   OUTRO [49:32]   Haley, Lauren, Michelle and Stargate Pioneer love to hear back from you about how you would rate the episode we just discussed, your top 5 Marvel character lists, your science of Marvel questions, who would you pick in an all-female Avenger team, or which Marvel male you would like to see shirtless. Call the voicemail line at 1-844-THE-BUS1 or 844-843-2871.                    Join Legends Of S.H.I.E.L.D. next time as the hosts discuss the Legion Season 2 fourth episode “Chapter 12.” You can listen in live when we record Sunday Afternoons at 1:00 PM Eastern time at Geeks.live (Also streamed live on Spreaker.com). Contact Info: Please see http://www.legendsofshield.com for all of our contact information or call our voicemail line at 1-844-THE-BUS1 or 844-843-2871   Don’t forget to go check out our spin-off podcast, Legends Of S.H.I.E.L.D..: Longbox Edition for your weekly Marvel comic book release run-down with segments by Black Adam on S.H.I.E.L.D. comics, Lauren on Mutant Comics and Anthony with his Spider-Man web down. Legends Of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Longbox Edition is also available on the GonnaGeek.com podcast network.   Legends Of S.H.I.E.L.D. Is a Proud Member Of The GonnaGeek Network (gonnageek.com).   This podcast was recorded on Sunday June 24th, 2018.   Standby for your S.H.I.E.L.D. debriefing ---   Audio and Video Production by Stargate Pioneer of GonnaGeek.com.

情景4： 咨询花销预算 出门旅行，做旅游攻略时要对行程有个预算，包括吃喝住宿的花销，景点门票的花销，往返车票的价钱等。计算好旅行要花费的费用，以避免给旅行带来不必要的困扰。 Me: We’re going to Western United States for travel. Can you help me make out how much money shall we spend? 我：我们准备去美国西部旅游。你能帮我算算我们要花多少钱吗？ Friend: OK! According to your itinerary, the total amount is more than $5000. 朋友：好的！根据你们的行程看，总数要5000美元。 Me: Wow! That’s too expensive. 我：哇！太贵了。 Friend: First, it’s nearly $1400 that you should spend in transportation. 朋友：首先，你们在交通上要花将近￥1400. Me: Oh, the transportation fee always takes a great part in the budget. 我：交通费在预算中总会占很大一部分。 Friend: Then you must pay a large amount of money for the hotel. ...

This air smells like waterfallWe’re all surrounded by masksImaginary friends and alcoholMy mind’s disintegration strikesThese clouds expose my secret dreamsI cut my memories with knifeI close my eyes and now it seemsI’m watching someone’s pointless lifeOh, it feels like Gotham cityPlease don’t say you love meOh, it feels like Gotham cityCome with me, you are so pretty

This air smells like waterfallWe’re all surrounded by masksImaginary friends and alcoholMy mind’s disintegration strikesThese clouds expose my secret dreamsI cut my memories with knifeI close my eyes and now it seemsI’m watching someone’s pointless lifeOh, it feels like Gotham cityPlease don’t say you love meOh, it feels like Gotham cityCome with me, you are so pretty

Do you ever struggle with the right words to say? Someone tells you what they are up to, and this is not an invitation for you to tell them all the reasons you aren't doing the same thing. Try this on for size: "Wow. That's cool." For example, someone tells you that they are going to buy a new truck. Instead of telling them why you think that a bad idea,  financially and environmentally, why don't you just say: "Wow. That's cool." The reason I am talking about this today, is because as a foster parent, I hear something that drives me, and other foster parents, crazy. It goes a little something like this: Me: "Oh yeah, I am a foster parent." Others: "Wow. I could never do that. I would get too attached." Me: Swallowing my feelings of confusion/annoyance/hurt. So today, we are all - and I am included in this, going to learn to respond with: "Wow. That's cool." Advice for future foster parents and all humans: If you have said this to a foster parent before - do not feel bad or ashamed! I have personally heard this over 100 times. From family members, to friends, to waitresses, to people at the park. Sometimes we don't mean what we say, and sometimes people hear something that our words did not intend. But I am telling everyone - we still need to stop saying this. If you are about to become a foster parent - gird your loins. You Will Hear This. A lot. So prepare yourself now, and decide how you will respond. I used to feel so bad when people would say this to me. But I'm 4 years in, and used to the comment. I can now shake it off because Taylor told me to do so. I hope you will be able to do the same. In today's episode, I mention: Michael J Fox's book: Always Looking Up: Adventures of an Incurable Optimist.  He says that it's "not all about protection, but perspective." And he talks about the beauty of Risk and Opportunity. I look at fostering like a great opportunity that certainly involves risk. And strangely enough, some of the risks involve not liking, or connecting with the child that comes into your home. We need to stop worrying about how to protect ourselves so much and shift our perspective on how we can help others, even if it's hard. This doesn't look like fostering or adopting for everyone. It's not what Michael talks about in his book at all. But what is something you might need to change your perspective on? There will probably be some risk, and some need to part with some of your time and/or resources, but the opportunities that await you, and the person you are going to help, are great. I also randomly mention a marketing book I am reading by Donald Miller called Building a StoryBrand. The gist of this book is that successful companies need to position themselves as a Guide to help a Hero (their customers) through their story. This is the basis of all great movies and books you have ever encountered. When I first started to foster, I made myself the hero of that period of my life. It didn't go well. I now realize that when I position myself as the guide, helping these little heroes through their stories, everyone wins. This is true in business, movies, and everyday life, whether you foster or not. I also mentioned my friend Hanna, who is a plant-based nutritionist, who makes Cashew Queso. I don't think she delivers, but you can still check her out on Facebook. I also want to take this opportunity to make peace with my listeners who are Cat People, Vegans, Exercise Freaks. I love you all equally and I admire you for all that you do. Sorry if I offended you in this episode, or at any other point in our relationship. I too am learning to respond with: "Wow. That's cool." Today's (Good) Word of the Day: "Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else," Galatians 6:4 Let's remember that the choices that others make are not a reflection on who we are, or the choices we make. Let's be confident in what we are doing, and how we are living, that we can simply celebrate what others are doing. Empowered people empower people! Thanks for tuning in and see you again next Saturday! If you want to connect on Social Media, you can find me at: Jihae Watson on Facebook Fostering Voices on Instagram Jihae Watson on Instagram and feel free to leave a review on iTunes or wherever you are listening to this podcast!

How Nikki Harman went on a journey from being homeless to practicing mindfulness. Plus the best food for mental clarity.Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:From Homelessness To MindfulnessIn addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best food for mental clarity and focus. This food literally raises our brain function to its maximum and it's really easy to find.OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story.I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Nikki Harman, who has an amazing story to tell. Not only has she been through quite a lot in her life, but what she does now is super exciting as well. So I really can't wait to dive into it, and so let's do it!Nikki welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast!Nikki: Hello! Thank you for having me.Me: You're very welcome!Nikki's storySo you've got quite an incredible story and I'm actually quite honored that you're happy to share it with us and everything. I know that your story, I believe your story begins when your parents split up, is that right? And you were about eleven, is that right?Nikki: Yes, so when I was eleven my parents split up. And at the time just before they split up I was living in a really lovely six-bedroom Victorian house in a nice seaside town. My parents had good jobs and all was going fairly well, but they split up. And because the house we were living in came with the job that my dad had, we lost the house.Me: Oh!Losing everythingNikki: So we lost everything basically. My dad moved to London to go and find work, and my brother, myself and my mom moved into this temporary accommodation, a bed and breakfast.Me: How old was your brother?Nikki: My brother was eight.Me: Sorry?Nikki: I was eleven and he was seven. So it was from the age of eleven to twelve that we were in this temporary accommodation. For a year before we were rehomed into a council flat, so my brother was seven and eight.Me: Wow yeah. What did your father do during this time? Did he just like go to London and not look back, or...?Nikki: He came down when he could. Although he was working most of that time. And I remember only really seeing him every few weeks. Probably every four to six weeks, an occasional day trip down, a Saturday. Most of the time it was just me and my mom and my brother.Me: And so your mom, she wasn't at the time of the split...She was looking after you? Did she have any other work or a job?Nikki: No, she didn't work. It kind of broke her, this whole situation. She wound up having quite a significant mental breakdown over it. She became quite distant and disengaged with us. It was just really quite difficult because I remember what it was like just before we moved out saying goodbye.Packing your life awayWe had two beautiful cats and a couple of cockatiels and we had to rehome them. Just packing all of our belongings, packing everything away. Everything in my room, all my toys, my books, my stereo, my tapes, cassette tapes. All my music, all that kind of stuff, it all had to be put away. And I felt like I was packing away a part of me, really.That was my room, that was just me. So what it must have been like for my mom to pack everything in the house away and not know when next we might see it all.We were told initially that the law is that temporary accommodation means four to six weeks before you are rehomed. Clearly that doesn't happen now and it didn't happen then. And so we didn't really know how long it would be. It was kind of assumed at the time that it would be a short-term thing. But it became clear very quickly that that wasn't going to be the case. So by the time we moved into this room that had just a bed and two bunk beds in...Me: That was the B&B?Nikki: Yes that was in the B&B where we were living, that was where we lived, that was our home. And we were able to use the dining room for breakfast with the other guests, we'd get an evening meal.Life in a B&BBut the B&B itself was quite run down and the people there I think had sort of a prejudiced attitude towards us, because we were council tenants. We weren't normal paying B&B guests, so they treated us quite differently.When there were other guests staying, we got better quality food. But if it was just us, it was very much sugar puffs in the morning, a piece of toast. And then in the evening it was often like a tinned stew or tinned something. It wasn't proper cooked, home-cooked food. Tinned potatoes...They would be as cheap as much as they could. We didn't really have much in the way of quality food.But I was grateful really for having had anything to eat at all, because it was quite the case that we didn't get lunch during the weekends and school holidays because the B&B didn't provide that for us. And my mom didn't have a job, she didn't have money, she didn't have the inclination really to be wanting to do very much in the way of supporting me and my brother. So we'd go quite hungry throughout the days when we were not at school.Me: So how could...I mean, what I don't understand is how could the owner of a B&B have, you know, children in their home who don't have food. You know? Like when you're on school holidays, you're still in the B&B. They still see you every day, they know you haven't eaten anything. And yet they just don't feed you. I don't understand that.Nikki: No, I mean occasionally we'd get a jam sandwich.Me: Yeah. Oh boy.Being kept out of the wayNikki: Something like that. But they weren't like that, they weren't those kind of people. They had their own children anyway. So they were sort of preoccupied with them. They didn't really pay too much attention to us. And actually they didn't want us there. During the day we were kind of kept out of the way. Sometimes we'd be allowed to go and play in the garden with their children.Me: That's what I was going to ask, yeah, if you ever played with their children.Nikki: Yeah, we did, but not very much.Me: Did you have to like stay in the room or something?Nikki: Yeah, we stayed in the room a lot. Me: Wow.Nikki: So it just wasn't a very pleasant experience. And given that we were living in a seaside town....My mom, because of the way she was, didn't want us to go onto the beach. To get to this bed and breakfast we had to walk past the beach. And we were never allowed to go and play on the beach in the summer holidays.Me: Oh that's awful!So close yet so far from the beachNikki: We saw people playing with their sand castles and eating ice cream, and the smell of fish and chips everywhere you went. All these lovely things, and on a hot day just not being able to go on the beach because my mom didn't want us to do that. We would invariably be...we didn't go into town very much because mom didn't want to. But it would be to go into the lauderette to wash our clothes. So we'd sit there and then head back home.I'll never forget that, just not being able to play on the beach. And then having to go and sit in this room on lovely sunny days, and hear about all the real guests in the B&B going off and doing fun stuff. Where they'd been and what they'd been doing. It was all quite difficult.Me: I'll bet. And your mom, I think you said, was she like smoking? What did she do? You said she was like smoking all day or something?Nikki: Yeah, she was a smoker.Me: So you were in one room with a mom smoking all day. Ewww.Nikki: Yeah, not nice.Me: Oh my goodness. And so that lasted a year, yeah?Nikki: Yeah, so what happened...It was a year long in temporary accommodation.A cottage for the winterThe council put us in a what was called a winter let from about November to February time. February March time. So we were moved out of the bed and breakfast and into this tiny, tiny dilapidated, rundown cottage which... It just had frost on the inside of the windows. The only sort of heating was a tiny little fire in the lounge.My brother shared a bed with my mom and then I was in another room. So I was grateful to have my own space. But the sheets were wet from the cold in the house and the condensation.Me: So did you have to like sleep in your coats or something?Nikki: Yeah, it was along those lines. Clothes to put on. But my brother got whooping cough that winter as well, which just made it awful for him.Me: I'll bet.Nikki: The freezing cold and coughing. We could hear him coughing all night and wheezing, it was terrible.Life at schoolMe: And what about...Did you have...I mean, you were presumably going to school, right? How was it with the other kids at school? Did you make friends with anybody?Nikki: No, I became quite withdrawn at school because I didn't know how to begin to explain what was happening. A lot of what was going on at the time my mom didn't want us to talk about because she was ashamed. She'd lost everything. As I say, a single mom in a room, we were in this horrible winter let, no money, no home, her mental health was declining. She just didn't want to engage with anyone. And she's always been like that anyway but that compounded it, that exacerbated it at the time.One of the things she would always tell us was to not talk to other people about what was going on at home. So it was very difficult for me to express how I was feeling. I became very anxious, I was incredibly anxious. Because I just didn't know what to do for the best, and how to make the situation better. I wanted to make things better.Me: And you said you took on a parental role with your younger brother, is that right?Nikki: Yeah, very much so. It was all kind of, yeah, just wanting to make sure he was OK and that mom was alright. I'd be kind of quite hyper vigilant about my mom because I'd be worried that she was OK. So at school I'd just have this worry, and because of that, because of my behavior, my friends became quite distant. They didn't understand and I'd try and explain what was going on and how difficult things were.Homeless even with a roof over your headAnd there was that song, you know, The Streets of London? The song about homelessness. One of my friends at the time, who I'm sure didn't really understand how terrible things were for me at home. But she made a very snide remark about that song that we sang one day in our music class. She said, “Well you think you've got it hard. You should see what it's really like for the proper homeless people on the streets. You're not on the streets so you're not homeless”. It was that kind of attitude that they had.And it made me then think 'well no-one believes me. Maybe I am just making all this up. Maybe it isn't as bad as I think it is'. But actually I knew that things were terrible.I was declining at school, my grades were dropping, my concentration was terrible. As I said, I was always very anxious and worried that something terrible was going to happen.No dad and no moneyMe: And where was your dad during all this time. Because presumably he was working in London so he must have had some money, right?Nikki: Yeah, he had some money, some of it was going to Mum. But obviously he was paying rent on wherever he was living at the time and doing whatever. And my mom, I think because she smoked and she drank... The thing is that she would deny this vehemently now if she were sat here next to me. And I've confronted her about it in the past but she seems to remember that she didn't drink because we had no money. But I can remember her, I can specifically remember her drinking a lot and smoking a lot. So where that money was going I don't know. I had no contact with him really because, you know, mobile phones hadn't been invented, we didn't have a phone. We had the phone at the B&B when we were staying there. And in the winter let there was a phone box down the road that we went to on a Wednesday evening. He would phone us at seven o'clock, phone this phone box number and we would speak to him. But mostly it was my mom wanting to speak to him. So we got a little bit of time to chat then, but he didn't really know the main things that were going on at the time because I didn't want to worry him. I kind of just held it all in, really.Things start to get better at firstMe: And then how did it start to get better? Because I mean eventually I know that you got out of...you got into the council flat. And then after the winter let was that much better? Or how was that different?Nikki: Well after the winter let we moved back into the bed and breakfast again for about another four months.Me: A different one, yeah?Nikki: Back into the same one. Me: The same one? Oh!Nikki: The same place. Bar one week where they'd been booked so we stayed in the bed and breakfast next door which was lovely. The loveliest people there who cared for us and they were genuinely interested in what we were doing. And it was so sad to then have to go back next door after that. But yeah we were there until June eighty-seven.And then we moved to this beautiful, lovely, I say council flat. But it was like a Victorian building with beautiful views over the sea and large rooms everywhere. A very spacious flat. It was like the best sort of place you can imagine after being stuck in a B&B and a winter let to be able to have our own bedroom and our own space and all that kind of stuff.Me: Did the food situation get better at that point?Nikki: Not initially because Mum still didn't work. She was pleased that we were out of the bed and breakfast, but at that point the divorce started to come through. And so she was still going through her issues and she took quite a decline in her depression and her depressed state. I became increasingly worried about her.A harrowing trip home from schoolMe: Were you afraid that she might, you know, take her own life or something?Nikki: Well she did try once when she picked us up from school in her car.Me: With you in the car?Nikki: With us in the car, yeah. She would often be smelling of alcohol when she picked us up and sometimes she would be taking temazepan. So sometimes she would be quite drowsy at the wheel. I can remember having to kind of steer the car back on the road because she was kind of swerving a bit in and out.Me; That must have been scary.Nikki: It was very scary. But one particular day she was very agitated and upset about something. And when we drove back she took us on a different route to the way back home. We were going up some country roads and there was a coach in front of us. And she started putting her foot down and speeding up trying to get closer to this coach. She then just announced, “How would you like to go to heaven, kids?”Me: Oh wow.Nikki: And we both started screaming. I sat in the front and my brother was in the back.Me: How old were you then?Nikki: I was twelve at that point and my brother was eight. And I was turning to face my mom and holding my brother's hand in the back seat to try and reassure him. Putting my hand on my mom's arm to try and stop her, and shouting at her to stop and slow down. Just asking her to kind of know that we loved her, we didn't want to die, we wanted to help her and other people wanted to help her.Trying to think like an adultI can distinctly remember trying to think, 'What would an adult say if they were in this car now? What would an adult do to fix this problem?' That's what I remember thinking at the time, what would they do. So I was trying to knock the car out of gear to see if I couldn't do that... I was just pulling at her frantically, and something made her slow down.Me: Wow.Nikki: We headed back home, back into town. But she blamed us, that at that point it was all our fault that she was still alive because she wanted to die. Saying she'd never forgive us and all this kind of stuff that was just pointless.Me: Well and it made it doubly hard for you, right?Nikki: It did, but I just felt so worried for my mom. And when we got back, she then said, “Don't tell anybody that this happened. If you tell anybody, then you'll get taken away from me”.Me: Well you would, yeah.Nikki: I didn't, I didn't say anything.Back on solid groundBut I do remember getting out of the car and touching the ground with my hands. I had to have the front and the back of my hands on the ground because I felt like I'd gone to jelly at that point. The adrenalin had worn off and I was in shock. I just needed contact with the ground to know that I was safe. And then we went off into the garden and she went upstairs and it was never mentioned again. And, you know, again, trying to get my head round all of that with her...Me: Wow.Nikki: She denies that it ever happened, she doesn't remember it. Well she does, I'm sure she must have some recollection of that time in her life. But so she was very depressed.And then going into that flat, although it was great because we had our own space, it just increased our isolation. Because what happened was that she just locked herself away. And because it was coming up to the summer holidays again in eighty-seven, she just hid herself away and me and my brother were in the same situation. Looking after ourselves, and no food in the cupboards. Only what was packed from when we were living in our house, so we were basically helping ourselves.Foraging for foodThis might sound really disgusting, but we'd be really, really hungry and be raiding the cupboards and finding chocolate powder. We'd just eat spoonfuls of dried cocoa powder, chocolate powder. And golden syrup, mixing it with golden syrup to make like a yucky paste just to get something into us. We'd have cereal in the mornings and in the evenings a very basic meal that Mum might come out and make. But she often kind of forgot about us because she was in her own world of depression.Things were very difficult for a long, long time and slowly things improved. Slowly things got better for her and subsequently got better for us. She got herself a job...Me: And how do you think things got better? Like was there any specific thing that started to happen? Or was it just like time healing things?Nikki: I think possibly the fact that there were people...she was on someone's radar. I think one of the local church groups had found her and were trying to connect with her and make contact with her and just try to help her through her darkest days. And I do remember them coming round to see her and she wasn't that bothered by them particularly. But there was somebody there for her to talk to and that was the most important thing that she needed at that time, was an adult.Me: An adult, yeah.Nikki: And it was the most important thing for me and my brother because that meant that someone else was there to share our burden.Me: Oh yeah definitely, you didn't have to be the adult anymore, yeah. Wow.A slow recovery with people to talk toNikki: So it was just a very slow, gradual process. And then she met somebody and things got better from that perspective. You know, her self-esteem improved and she came out of her depression and got on an even footing. But it was over a very long period of time, it took a good...I'd say it took a good twelve to eighteen months for her to get herself on an even keel.Me: Well still though compared to some people that...I mean I know it wouldn't...it didn't feel quick to you, but if I hear twelve to eighteen months, like there are a lot of people that stay in the situation she was in for years and years. So it's a blessing that at least, you know, as horrible as it was, at least she did get out of it eventually, right?Nikki: She did. My mom's a very complex character and I'm not in contact with her anymore because of just the way she's behaved and treated me. And it's a very complex relationship that I have with her, but she never really wanted me. That was the basic...I kind of grew up with that knowledge that she wished I'd never been born. She would often say that to me. And she would often say, “I can't wait till you're eighteen so you can leave home” or “I wish you'd never been born”. You know, those kind of things would come up quite a lot.Trying to do the right thingBut I've always tried to do the right thing. I've always tried to be there and to be the model child that she wanted me to be. I was never good enough for her in her eyes, things like that. It was never going to work. My mom has taught me to be a good parent but by knowing the right way to do stuff rather than the wrong way to care for your children.Me: Yeah. For sure.Starting a businessWhat prompted you to start your business? Was it one incident in particular?Nikki: Well I'd started meditating twenty years ago after I qualified as a nurse. And I found that meditation worked really well for stress and for coping with everything that was going on. As a nurse in a busy hospital you see all sorts of things that affected me. I was quite affected by some of the things and I found that meditation was a really good tool. And when I was going through the difficult period with my husband before the divorce, before I made the decision to end the marriage I was trying to save it. Using meditation as a method of trying to keep my sanity and work through things.And I decided one of the outlets of doing that was writing a course to teach adults how to meditate. That's when I began. I started having groups of people round to teach my four-week course as an introduction into mindfulness and meditation and then it developed from there.My motivator for me when the marriage ended in 2014 was to put my energies into the business and into helping others go through difficult periods in their life by using meditation and mindfulness as a tool.Getting out of your comfort zoneSo I wrote a book called The Gem In The Dust which is about just sort of finding your light within you through whatever difficult period you're having to be able to... Imagine you're sitting in a ragged old sofa and you've got comfortable. You've found your groove in the sofa. And you have to make that choice one day. Whether or not to stay in that groove or to stand up and be uncomfortable for a while and push yourself out of your comfort zone to find out what's really going to work for you. Because you can sit and pretend all you like that your life is good, that your life is happy. But you know that somewhere inside you there's something not quite right. Or eating away at you slowly. Or making you depressed, or anxious or worried or fearful of change. Ultimately you can't ignore that.So The Gem In The Dust is about just being able to find that within you. That power within you to make changes in your life for the positive, for the good. And so I wrote the book and wrote a six-week course to go with it and now teach people that as well.Me: So is the book and the course...those are available from your website, right?Nikki: The book hasn't been published yet, I'm still looking for an author. I can teach the course and I've got my manuscript and I've kind of put it on a back burner for a little while. But I do need to get going with pushing it again and either self publishing or go down a publisher route. Because I want it to work, I want to get it published and I want to reach out to these people.Giving herself therapy by helping othersSo that was enabling me and kind of giving myself therapy throughout the whole sorry tale really of going through that period in my life. That's how the business started.Me: And then now you said that you're doing really amazing things with children, can you say a little bit about that?Nikki: Yeah, I love working with children. I became a Connected Kids tutor and trainer. Connected Kids is founded by this amazing woman called Lorraine Murray who started teaching the courses about twelve years ago. There are three levels and I did the first level which was just a one-day introduction into teaching kids meditation and loved it.I realized that my true passion was working with kids to teach them how to connect with themselves, how to regulate their emotions, how to understand their own world within them and make sense of the world around them and make empathic connections with others. And Lorraine Murray calls us the Peace Pioneers, you know, the people trying to generate peace and harmony and balance into our own world with kids as well. I then went off and became a tutor and then did the trainer module so I now teach adults how to teach children meditation through the Connected Kids courses.Nursing and mindfulnessAnd through my work as a nurse I'm incredibly passionate again about making mindfulness part of the clinical toolkit that we as healthcare professionals can use with children in hospitals and hospices and wherever. I did the introduction course, the Connected Kids introductory course specifically for healthcare workers who work with children in the clinical setting. So I'm hoping to get that running, get that off the ground quite soon. I'm just waiting for someone to take me up on it so that I can start teaching it. Because it does work, I've seen amazing results from teaching kids how to meditate and how to use mindfulness in their lives.Me: Yeah, I mean I think...one of the things that...another thing that really struck me with your story was some of the reasons why you wanted to share this story. And I would love if you would share those because I think it's really important.Nikki: My passion is about helping kids to develop resilience. To learn to be more emotionally connected to themselves and those around them. And to teach adults how to make that connection with their kids or the children that they work with.Being open about mental health issuesMe: But I mean you've also got reasons for sharing your personal story, right? I think you said something about breaking down barriers and addressing the sense of shame that comes... Do you want to say anything around that?Nikki: Yeah, I'm quite open about discussing these things. Because the more it's buried, the more mental ill health is hidden away, the more difficult it becomes to deal with it. And the more difficult it becomes to address it. I want to break down those barriers to reduce that stigma of mental illness. And to accept that it's OK to have a mental health problem. It's not something to be ashamed of. And the more you reach out and access help, the better your chances of recovering and getting treatment are for the problems that you've got. So the worst thing that anybody can do is to pull the shutters down and hide away and pretend that there's nothing wrong.Me: For sure.Where to find NikkiAnd so where can people go to find out more about you and what you're doing? I mean I'll put the links below obviously but it would be good if you could mention where they can find you.Nikki: Sure, well my website is inner space project dot com. And I'm also on Facebook, so it's Facebook dot com forward slash inner space project. I'm on Twitter as at the mindful nurse. So they've got those places they can find me and my website will have all the information about the courses I'm doing. I've got my blog as well which I write on which is inner orange dot blogspot dot com. That has a lot of my personal story on there and how it relates to meditation and mindfulness and wellbeing. But there's also a lot of information about meditation and mindfulness as well. And videos that I put up on there from time to time that you can watch too. So yeah, those are places you can find me.Me: Super! OK.Nikki's Food For Thought campaignOh and there's one last thing that we didn't actually mention, which was you're involved with something called food for thought?Nikki: Yes, Food For Thought is a campaign that I've started in the run up to the summer holidays. Based on again my own personal experience of homelessness where we just sort of... Just seeing the rise in the number of families that are accessing food banks and the 3-day emergency food parcels. They're really in food crisis... This goes up over the summer holidays because kids aren't getting their free school meals. And they're often missing meals as a result. Or families are working extra hard because they've got to pay childcare costs. So things like that. They're turning more to food banks than ever before.So the Food For Thought campaign is about raising that awareness and asking people just to donate something to put into their local food bank the next time they go shopping. Or to find their local churches who will be... most around the country do some sort of food collection for food banks.Finding a Food Bank near youMe: And so what's the best link? I'll link to Food Bank in the notes, but what would the url be for that?Nikki: Well there's the Trussell Trust which is a charity that do food banks. They've got four hundred and twenty food banks around the country. So that's one of them.Me: OK so people could just Google 'food banks', right? With their locality and then they would find the nearest food bank.Nikki: Food banks. That's right.Me: OK so that's probably the easiest way. Super! Well thank you so much for being here to share your story Nikki, I really appreciate it.Nikki: Thank you for listening.Me: You're very welcome. I mean I think what you're doing now is very amazing. I think it's so important to help kids be more resilient and self-confident and, you know, it's good for everybody really. But it's particularly nice for children.Thank you thank you! Bye for now!Nikki: You're welcome.The best food for mental claritySo, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you the best food for mental clarity. And that food is dark, leafy greens!The reason I mention dark, leafy greens is because they contain a lot of a particular element that is really important in many a food for mental clarity. That element is chlorophyll.Chlorophyll is said by some to be the 'blood' of plants. Because it's the green power that plants get by basically absorbing sunlight. So by taking in chlorophyll, you're literally taking in the energy of the sun.You can find chlorophyll not only in dark leafy greens, but also in superfoods like blue-green algae, spirulina, chlorella and wheatgrass, all of which have a very concentrated level of nutrients that really ramp up the oxygen levels in the body. They therefore are excellent foods to keep our minds sharp, focused and clear, so if you're faced with difficult decisions for example, these foods can literally help you focus.Many other benefits of chlorophyllNow I think you won't be surprised when I tell you that chlorophyll is good for so many things, it's ridiculous. I mean, if you've ever Googled 'help with' followed by any kind of health ailment or condition, chances are you've seen dark leafy greens listed as one of the foods to eat, because of their levels of chlorophyll. They're good for just about everything from arthritis, toxicity, cancer, digestive issues, oral health and more. I'll link to an article in the show notes that goes into more detail if you'd like to read more.How you eat leafy greens for more chlorophyllAs to how you eat these lovely green leaves, well salad is the obvious answer...but of course you can also blend a handful of spinach, kale, chard or other mild greens with some fruit to make a green smoothie. It doesn't have to taste green, and this is a great way to get greens into people who otherwise wouldn't eat them.I've got lots of recipes that use greens in my 5-Minute recipe ebooks, which I'll link to in the show notes as well.Have YOU got a story to share?Which brings us to the end of this week's story. I hope you enjoyed it!And of course if you've got a true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESMore about chlorophyll here: https://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/other/health-benefits-of-chlorophyll.html5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/To find your local Food Bank (in the UK): https://www.trusselltrust.org/get-help/find-a-foodbank/About Nikki HarmanNikki Harman is a mindfulness coach, Connected Kids™ children's mindfulness tutor and trainer, and registered general nurse (RGN) working part time in the NHS. Specialising in working with children, Nikki has worked successfully with her clients. She also teaches adults to explore how to move out of their comfort zone to achieve a goal or dream. Her blog is based on professional information, mixed with personal experience. Nikki has written a course for healthcare professionals who work with children in the clinical environment to teach mindfulness techniques as part of their toolkit.www.innerspaceproject.comwww.innerorange.blogspot.comTwitter https://twitter.com/themindfulnurse Facebook https://www.facebook.com/innerspaceproject/

How Fiona Robertson travelled the world on a shoestring, discovering her life path as she went. Plus the best travel food ever!Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:Adventure was my missing nutrientIn addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best travel food I know. It's not only packed with nutrients and easy to carry everywhere, but it's also the best food to help eliminate parasites from the body.OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story.I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Fiona Robertson, the Body Whisperer, who helps people understand who they want to be. Fiona has travelled all over the world and has some amazing adventures to share with us which I think you will find very inspirational.So Fiona, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast!Fiona: Yeah, thank you very much for having me. Thanks for inviting me. Nice to meet you here finally, face to face.Me: Yes, exactly! Cause we've known each other for a while, right? But it's been like an internet based...Fiona: An internet-based friendship, yeah, I know (laughs).Fiona's storyMe: Super! So I know that you've got, you've had quite a lot of adventures, but I think you mentioned that your taste for adventure perhaps came from your childhood. Is that right? You said you felt quite different as a child, can you maybe explain why?Fiona: Yeah, 4 years old we went to South Africa to live as a family. We kind of grew up with no shoes. So basically just kind of playing with lizards and centipedes and understanding all about nature and just wanting to be outside climbing trees, being a tomboy.A different way to grow upIt was just a different way for me to grow up. And when we moved back to the UK, I realized I was just different. I wanted to be outside playing in different ways and not playing giggly, schoolgirl games.Me: So how old were you when you moved back to the UK?Fiona: I was nine. Yeah, nine, nine and a half, something like that. Just kind of old enough, over the formative years, you know, that I'd really got a different country and kind of life under my skin. You know, I'd learnt Afrikans, I'd learned there was another language, I'd learnt there were different things going on. We were in South Africa at the time of apartheid as well, so you get a lot of different experiences, you know? We travelled there too on holiday of course.You see, I didn't think it was different, but it is, you're in a game park for a holiday and there's cheetas walking in the car park. It's exciting! And that's what my story's about, I didn't realize that adventure was so under my skin.Into the militaryMe: And so you said that you signed up to work with American Express in the military, is that right?Fiona: Yeah, one of my first jobs when I finished college and school and everything, I didn't want to go on to be an interior designer. That was my dream. But when they mentioned to me that it was four years foundational course and then I could specialize, I was like, “You've got to be kidding me! I can't sit still for that long! I've gotta be out there doing something!”I was interested in travel and so I got a job with American Express and it was on the American Air Force bases in the UK. So I started in High Wyckham and I was basically doing their travel tickets, their military travel tickets, then I ended up going and reliefing on the other different air force bases. So Greenham Common, Huntingdon, the ones in East Anglia, and just travelling around and doing that. Going and doing my travel, my specialist travel stuff for the American air force base.A different worldIt was cool because you walk into a different world. You go on the American an air force base and that land is owned by America. They have their happy hour, they have their bowling alleys, they have their shops, they have their own ways and cultures of doing things.Me: Wow. That just strikes me as really weird, you know? Like I've never, I mean even though I've lived in the UK for quite a while now. I've never been on any of the bases, and so part of me always just thinks, 'you're not contributing to the local economy', you know.Fiona: Oh they are, they don't all live on base, they live outside. But that was when I was nineteen, I started working on the American air force bases.The perfect job in travelLooking back now I just think what a perfect job for me. Working in travel and on an American air force base, you know?Me: So you organized travel for them, is that right?Fiona: I organized travel for them and basically with the old Prestel sets and the old ABC travel guide books we found air flights and all that kind of stuff. So I took all my exams for APTA travel. After that I went on to do incentive travel and after that I went on to sort of venue finding. Anything to do with people and traveling and moving. But incentive travel was very interesting, I liked that too.Me: What's incentive travel?Fiona: Imagine that you've got top salesmen and saleswomen and they're given an incentive. If they're the top team in the whole company in the whole of the country, then they get sent to some glorious destination and everything's paid for. So we used to organize all that, you know? With the ground agents and meals and restaurants. Down to exactly what kind of napkins would be on the table. It was like organizing a big wedding every few months, you know? Everything from the chauffeurs to the taxis to the kind of color-coordinating the flowers, everything.Import, export and video camerasMe: And then you went into a very different kind of business, right? With video cameras or something?Fiona: Yeah, I had another job in between time working for actually Ocean Pacific and I was on the export desk there. And I used to do all the certificates of export, and that was interesting for me. Because other people couldn't understand what these guys were saying, and I was just able to tune into what maybe the Greeks or the Spanish or the...You know, they were speaking pidgin English and wanting to be understood and then I was able to tune in somehow to what they were actually trying to tell me.And then I went on selling military cameras into industry, and again I worked with a lot of people from all over the world. So I listened to their languages and I listened to their accents and I understood about their culturesMe: So what happened when you wanted to go travelling? Because you said that at one point you had this business and then you sold it, is that right?Fiona: Yeah, from running the company I was working with I then set myself up for myself and found all my own clients and things and did that for two or three years. And I woke up one morning and thought 'God do I want to be doing this in five years' time? No! Two years? No!'Time to go travellingMe: So was there any specific incident that prompted this decision? Or was it literally from one day to the next waking up and going 'I don't want to do this'?Fiona: I thought that the company that I'd set up was my baby. I'd been with this other guy who was in the same industry though he ran a different company. So when we split up I think that was probably one of the kick up the backsides. I just said, “No, this is my baby, I want to hang onto this baby, this company” because Vision Source was my baby.But then when I woke up in the morning I just went, 'oh my God what am I doing? Do I really want to be doing this?' And when it was such a loud, resounding 'no', I couldn't not listen to that. I really had to think, 'no I'm just not going to be satisfied, it's going to kill me if I stay in this office and do this'. Even though it was doing really, really well.I managed to find somebody who was interested in selling, I sold the company to them. I rented my house out and I just took a rucksack and started travelling around the world.Me: So then how did you start? I think you said you bought an around the world ticket or something? I'm asking because, you know, if there's somebody listening who thinks 'oh I'd really like to travel around the world', I think some people wouldn't even know where to start, you know?A pink-haired rebel going round the worldFiona: Yeah, I was thirty-nine, I dyed my hair pink. Me: That's hilarious!Fiona: I was like wanting to be rebellious. Most people when they see the photographs kind of say, “Were you fifteen then?” and I say “No, thirty-nine, dyed my hair pink”. And I had my rucksack, a friend just said, you know, grab a rucksack. You buy a ticket that goes one direction around the world, and you can't go backwards so you always find a destination that forwards. And I think I didn't go that off the grid really. Thinking about it in retrospect it was fairly obvious.South Africa I started because that's where I've still got family living. Then, you know, Thailand, Singapore, Fiji, Cook, New Zealand, Australia and America. I really did not want that to end. That was just...no way.Me: But I think at the beginning I mean I imagine you would have had a decent amount of money to do that from the sale of your business, right? At some point did the money run out? I ask because you said that at one point you were just very trusting and that you thought, 'OK how can I just go to this new place with no money and nowhere to stay?'Fiona: I didn't...the business wasn't sold until I came back from my travels. They owed me the money. They were supposed to be selling my cameras and selling everything while I was away, and they just basically didn't. So I had to sort of deal with things until I came back. And my house that was rented only rented for a few months rather than for the whole year. So yes.Me: Wow.How travelling can be cheaper than staying at homeFiona: In fact it's cheaper to travel around the world than it is to live in a house and try and support yourself.Me: Whoa, you're kidding! Really?Fiona: No, I mean you stay in backpackers. You've got no material needs, you've got your shorts, your t-shirts, your toothbrush, you bring everything back to real, real basics. So you've got a book, you finish a book, you swap it for another book. It's just cheap. You stay in youth hostels, you meet fantastic people. Some of them obviously an awful lot younger than I was at the time. I was thirty-nine, they were all on their first out of university experience, they were travelling the world finding out who they were. And I didn't do that till later, but...Then you've also got different generations who decide to do it. But staying in youth hostels, they're pretty much...they're a good crowd of people. And when I really kind of left my rucksack in the first place, I locked it up, I tied it up, I did all the things that I thought I had to do. And then I walked out of the youth hostel and I went, 'no, damnit, I'm gonna go back and I'm gonna unlock everything. We're all in the same boat, we're all from different countries, we're all in the same boat. I've been travelling on an open-sided bus in a tent, on ants' nests and all the rest of it. This is not gonna be a problem for me'.A successful mental mindsetSo mental mindset: “I' am not gonna have any problems with anybody touching any of my stuff. I got nothing they want to steal, we're all in the same boat, we've all got like...” We had our old CD players, we didn't have mobile phones and those kind of things then.Me: That's true, yeah.Fiona: And I carried my passport and my money and my tickets with me in a little bumbag as we had then. Everybody was in the same boat and if you're that open and trusting and you believe you're OK, this is very much the work that I do now too funnily enough, but if you have that vibration running through you, you'll be OK. If you have the vibration running through you like...People before I left wanted to say to me, “Oh my God! Really? You're going to this country? Well don't let anybody put anything in your bag” and “don't put your bag out of your sight” and really all their fears they were trying to put onto me before I left.But if you have this kind of like 'Do you know what? We're all in the same boat, we're all wanting to be experiencing travel and different places and different people and food and...Me: Yeah. So then...Wow! I'm still reeling actually from the previous thing you said about it being cheaper to, you know, travel the world and stay all over the place than to stay in one place, you know. I'm going to be thinking about that for a while!On to Reiki trainingBut I know that you said that at some point you started just like doing things for people to kind of pay your way, right?Fiona: Yeah, it wasn't so much to pay my way but it was just to experiment. During my travels I decided that I would finish off my Reiki. That was a funny story as well.So I'd been travelling, I ended up in Cape Town and I decided to go for Reiki because I enjoyed Reiki. And this guy gave me Reiki and I was completely knocked out. When I sort of came round, he said, “Oh something came to me when I was doing your Reiki. If you're interested in pursuing, maybe finishing off your masters or something like that to do with Reiki, I know a very good woman. She lives in Prince Albert.”And he told me where that was and I thought 'well that's kind of up from where my dad lives on the wilderness in South Africa, I could go and see Valentine and have some time with her'.So I thought about it for a while and I rang, and I rang, and I rang, and I remember writing in my journal, “Bloody hell! This woman is impossible to get hold of!”Changing your thought patternsI scrubbed that out and I put “This woman is easy to get hold of”. I did have a phone, beg your pardon, one of the first kind of Nokia phones. She rang me. So imagine – I'd been saying all this time, 'this woman is really hard to get hold of'.Me: Yeah, and of course she was then.Fiona: Just by scrubbing out that whole thought pattern and changing my thought pattern, I'd actually said 'this woman's gonna be...and she's really easy to get hold of'. My phone then rang and she rang me to say, “Great, I've had your messages. When can you come?”Me: Super! Wow!Travelling with the flowFiona: So I was on this roll when I was travelling of trying to be this very open, flowing person who wanted to experience how easy and safe the world was. Rocking up in an airport like in Australia, I hadn't got any Australian dollars, I hadn't got anywhere to stay. It was kind of one o'clock in the morning when we landed. I wanted to find out how easy it was just by allowing myself to feel easy.Me: And so what happened in that Australian airport at one in the morning?Fiona: Oh God it couldn't have been easier! They are so set up. Maybe in another country it would have been harder.So you arrive in the airport and most people had somewhere to stay and they were being picked up by people. I walked in and I thought, 'oh a cash machine, fine, pop my card in, get cash out, that's easy'. By the cash machine there's a desk there, a welcome desk, there's brochures everywhere for youth hostels and everything. And I thought, 'I wonder if I ring them now if anybody would be on the desk, or if I should have to sleep in the airport'. Which I had done before.And so I rang and somebody said, “Yeah, yeah, no problem, we can come and pick you up, we'll see if there's anybody else coming this way. We'll be there in about an hour”. And they were. Super polite, super easy. Picked up my bags, picked me up, took me to the youth hostel in Perth. Got me a room and that was it.Don't plan too much in advanceMe: Wow. So generally you found that that's the way it worked, right? With the trusting and that it would be easy and things just kind of like fell into place?Fiona: I was told before I left by a girlfriend of mine also called Fiona. She said to me, “Don't book too much up in advance because so many things are changing the whole time. Try not to plan too much because if you plan, you're planning out what the universe might have to deliver to you. Something more fun, something more exciting.”Me: Oh yeah, that makes total sense.Fiona: So don't plan too much. I kind of took it from the other point of view, that I'm a planner, I'm a scheduler, I'm a bulldozer. I'll make things happen. And I was really trying to be experiencing from a different perspective. This was my opportunity to really experience that to live in the flow.And that's really what I want to try and do in my everyday life as a mom now as well. Be more open and understanding and intuitive to...'OK so why did that happen then? Why are they ill?' So this is what brought me...OK raw food kind of came in there as well, but it really brought me to sort of try and interpret what I was being shown.And if you happen to get arrested...Me: Yeah. So did you have moments when you were travelling when the flow just stopped? And you started to feel fear or you were just like 'Oh this isn't working” or... If you did, how did you get back into flow?Fiona: Yeah, I'm trying to think about it. I got complacent, I was in Thailand and I stayed longer than I should so I was kind of arrested when I left.Me: Oh my God, you were arrested!Fiona: Yeah, because I'd overstayed my visa. You're only allowed to stay there a certain length of time so when I left, I just handed in my passport. And they pulled me off to this room and they really interrogated me and I'm just like, 'I was just kind of complacent and I didn't really think about it' and “Well I'm leaving now so just let me go!” (laughs)Me: And so what happened? Did they let you go?Fiona: They let me go, but they made me wait it out. I think I missed that flight so I had to get another one or something. Yeah, they wanted to really make a point there that you can't be complacent. So I thought OK... I wasn't really in charge of looking at my dates in that respect.When you have to push a littleAnother time was when I was in Australia. I was coming down the west coast of Australia and it became a bit of a rush. So I knew that my visa ended at a certain date, I had to be in Sydney so that I could get my flight to New Zealand. The people I was travelling with were under no speed whatsoever. So I realized then 'I have to do something, I have to move this forward faster'. Then I became out of the flow and I was very proactive into getting things moving. And I don't know what would have happened if I'd just bummed along, I don't know.Me: Well yeah but I mean, but then you...that was kind of necessary, right?Fiona: Yeah.A Thailand detox adventureMe: Sometimes you have to do that right? And then you said that at one point you said you kind of discovered raw food and detox and you started coaching girls on your travels?Fiona: I did, that was really fun.Me: How did that happen?Fiona: I was in Thailand and I'd done Thai massage, Thai cooking. And I'd said to the girl that I'd met when I was travelling...I said “God, you know we need to be doing something that we would never, ever dream about doing when we went home”. She said, “Yeah I agree, we need to do something that's kind of off the wall”. I said, “Exactly!”I walked into this bar just to order a water and there was a leaflet on the desk that said The Sanctuary. And it was for detoxing. So I took the flyer and I said, “This really, really hits me! Let's go and try this!” I spoke to the guy behind the bar and he said it's a really cool place in Koh Pang Yang.That's where we went and did detoxing, and they had a fantastic raw restaurant. I'd never experienced raw food before. So we did the detox and I learned what I could from Moon, who was the guy who ran the place and the time. I looked at these menus of these foods and of course your tastebuds change when you do a detox. This was a full detox, colon cleanse, doing enemas, coffee enemas and everything else. Met some fantastic people, had some great conversations, we slept a lot.Simple food for radiant resultsWe met all sorts of shamans, all sorts of stuff. And then I realized afterwards that myself and my friend, our bodies had completely changed, our body temperature had changed.In about three weeks after that, we went for two weeks to another island and we did absolutely nothing. We just ate very, very simply, just raw food. So tomatoes and everything. The restaurants there were very confused. We didn't want the Thai food, we just said, “Basic, plain plate of tomatoes, that's all we want”. So we learned how to say that and we were doing that. We radically shifted some weight and we radically...our bodies changed and our whole energy was completely different. I was like, 'geez I like this! I get this! I feel awesome, I feel radiant!' We were just having so much fun!The coaching beginsMe: So then you started coaching girls? To help them...Fiona: Yeah then in the next place I went to I met some young girls. And a couple of them had said, “We're on our last leg”. They were kind of going the other way around the world. And one of them had kind of said, “You know, I'm a nurse and I left that because I wanted to find myself, I wanted to find out what I really wanted to do. And here I am on the last leg of my journey and I don't think I've found myself at all!”Magical questionsI said, “Oh, OK”. So I just started asking her some questions, and I set her some tasks for the evening. I said, “What do you want to do?” And she said, “I've got no idea!” I set her some tasks for example, I think one of them was 'a hundred and one things that make you happy'. How easy. And setting out what her perfect day would include. They were two of the simplest tasks that I thought that she might actually do or might actually enjoy doing.And the next morning when we were kind of...She was leaving and I was just having breakfast. And she was like, “Oh my God!” She said, “I totally get what I wish I'd known before. I know what it is that I want, I know what makes me happy, I know this and I know that and I know the other” and I was like 'oh my God'. And then just other conversations, it just seemed to be natural for me that when I was speaking to somebody...Not telling them what they should do, but kind of like, 'have you ever thought about what it is you'd like to do? What it is...Who you'd like to be, what you'd like to wear? How you'd like to sound, speak? Do you enjoy singing? Dancing? What is it?' All the different things that make you who you want to be.Me: Wow.Fiona: It came from that, really. Just having conversations. Nothing structured, but just allowing people to find out for themselves what they liked about life, about being alive.Finding a travel partnerMe: And then at one point you met your Dutch partner, right? How did that happen?Fiona: Yes, we met in Australia and we just started travelling together. We were going the same route together. Very interesting conversations. He allowed me to be very profound and very deep. And I found something new about myself as well, which normally I would not have had those kind of conversations with people. In a very deep, delving, wondering, curious, inquisitive, wanting to know more. So that was kind of refreshing and probably why we stuck together for so long because we allowed each other to have those kind of conversations. And I found myself a different kind of person. That I didn't agree with everything that he said, or I had an opinion. I found my strength from having those kind of conversations too, I'd had a strong interior. And I found that I knew what I wanted, let's put it that way.Back home and pregnantMe: I know at some point your trip around the world ended. And then you were...you were back at home feeling sad, right? But then you were...you started travelling again when you were three months pregnant, is that right?Fiona: (laughs) Yeah, I got back to my house in Oxford. We stayed there for a while and I'm just like, 'God, I don't want to be here because I'm gonna end up doing what I used to do and I don't want to do that'. The world's a bigger place, you know?So I was three months pregnant, I was age 40, and I said “Right, that's it. We're gonna take a caravan, and we're gonna find somewhere that makes my heart melt. That really fills my heart, that makes me feel fulfilled”.Me: Wow, what did your partner say? Was he surprised? Or was he like 'yup'...Fiona: He was cool for that, he's now back in Holland, he's not here with me in France. He couldn't make it work for himself. But that's OK. So that was it. He said, 'yeah, great! Let's have an adventure'.An adventure to find your ideal homeWe took a caravan and basically I had a tick list of the things that we wanted. So what would you want if you had everything you could possibly imagine? You'd want the sea and you'd want the mountains. And you'd want the outdoor life because South Africa's under my skin. I'd have the plants in the garden, hibiscus plants and palm trees. It would be very green.So we started travelling, you know, down the coastal route of France, and kind of 'does this place? No. This place doesn't feel good. Does this place?' And “How will you know when you find it?” he used to keep saying. “I'll just know, I'll just know”.Me: And so how long were you travelling before you found it? Because most people wouldn't leave when they were three months pregnant, right? Cause they'd be thinking about 'oh my God'...No tests, no scansFiona: I didn't have any tests, I didn't have any scans, I didn't have anything. And I was huge, I had like a huge baseball, like a beach ball stuck out in front of me. My son ended up being five kilos, he was a big boy. But I was a very happy mom, and I was just really, really happy being pregnant and travelling.Me: And so where was he born? Was he born before...Fiona: He was born in Holland. So we stayed here, we found the place, we found Biarritz Saint Jean De Luz. And I imagined us living here what it would be like. We both had tears in our eyes and it just felt so homely, we had left and we'd come back. And when we came back it felt like we'd come home. So it was all feeling-based.Me: Yeah, I'm the same, I'm very feeling-based so I can totally relate to that.No French, no job, no baby knowledge...Fiona: And so then we found the house and then we went back to Holland. We had Micah in Holland, we lived in a holiday home for two months. Micah was my eldest who's now twelve. He was one month old when we moved back here. I knew nothing about babies, I knew zip! Nothing! Nada! I had his sister who helped me go shopping and all the rest of it. And I was breastfeeding and I thought, 'Well what else do I need to know?' I probably sound like such a hippy!Then we came here, we didn't speak French, we didn't have a job, we had a house, a big house. And we had a baby, and my big dog, he was with us as well, Milo. I sometimes wonder how I managed but I used to speak to my spirit animal and for some reason she used to guide me through and make me feel very comfortable and very safe. And that's how I did it.Me: Wow. And then...well, you speak French now, right?Fiona: I don't think I could ever call myself a good speaking French person. I do my best.Me: Well yeah but you make the effort, right? You do what you can, right?Fiona: Oh yeah, I make myself understood. And even funnily enough when we first moved here he would say to me, “What did they say?” I'd say, “I couldn't repeat it, I don't know what they said. But I know it's OK. And we need to do this, this and this”. It was just like an infusion.Me: Yeah, well like it was when you heard people speaking with different accents before, right? That's cool.Fiona: So I was here on an adventure.The world can come to youMe: Well and I know that you said that you kind of had the world come to you, right? Fiona: Correct, correct.Me: So what happened there?Fiona: What a great thing.Me: And how did you start that, actually?Fiona: My partner at the time was trying to work in Holland and travel. And I just said, “This isn't working, let me have a go”. I'd just had my second baby and he'd just stopped breastfeeding. And I opened up Retreat Biarritz, which is basically a detox retreat. I was running it from home, we had two studios that we'd built. People were staying in the studios and I was basically doing for them what I'd learnt to do when I was in the Sanctuary.So basically they're doing three day fast, colon cleanse, learning all about raw food. We did raw food kitchen. Then I used to take them hiking in the mountains, I used to take them to the beach, I took them to the hammam. We took them to the local markets. Just so that they could have a holiday experience while they were here.Me: That's fantastic, that's really great. Wow. So do you still...what do you do now? I know you do a lot of things, but do you still run the retreats now?Detox retreatsFiona: I still run the retreats for small groups of people. Sometimes individuals come, and again from all around the world. I mean I've had ladies from Greece, America, Australia, Russia. And they just find me, God knows how they find me. They come and they go, “I'd really like to come and work with you”. And I'm like, “OK do you just want a detox? I can just do a straight detox for you”.But at some point always the conversation comes up. They're in an old story or they're stuck, you know? 'I used to have a body like this' and 'I don't understand why my body does this'. And then the body whispering seems to sort of come in, and we have that intuitively guided conversation that helps them understand more about their body.Me: So then how does the body whispering work? Can you give us just sort of like a short, I don't know, a little brief idea?How body whispering worksFiona: Oooh, yeah, how does it work! Goodness me! Basically a lot of the ladies who come, they are stuck in a particular story. There's something that they haven't digested emotionally. It could be that they're feeling anger, but then I kind of go beyond that, what's under that. And if you're feeling anger or resentment and things, often what I'm feeling is that people are feeling very disconnected. They're not feeling any connection to other people, but they're not feeling safe.So one of the main things I do is I help them to feel what it feels like to feel safe. And most people, they have no idea what their safe place feels like. When they can discover what their safe place feels like, you've almost got something to back into when things don't feel comfortable for you. When the shit's hitting the fan or you're at a dinner table or there's a conversation going on that you're not feeling comfortable with, you can kind of go, 'hang on a second, where am I?'Tuning into your bodyZone in – some people might call it being centered or whatever, but you zone in and tune into yourself. You get out of your thinking, analyzing, bulldozing head and you get into your body. So you reconnect with your body and you go, 'wow, there I am'.And it's like 'OK so what's kicking off at the moment? Does it have anything to do with me?' And your body is able to kind of respond to you when you understand how your body works. Your body would kind of say to you, “It's got nothing to do with you”.But you can pick up who it is in the room that's really got the energy, the strongest energy in the room that's affecting you. And you can say, 'OK so if that's the person, has what they've got going on got anything to do with me? No. Back off'. You can back off, you can get back in your own energy.How most of us calm our nervesWhat I found was I used to overeat. When I was in the company of my ex particularly. He had a very chaotic mind unless he was focused, he was ultra, ultra focused, but otherwise he was chaotic. Very argumentative, a devil's advocate. But when he was kicking off, I would find that I would overeat because I wanted to shut that off. Me: Oh wow, OK.Fiona: And I calmed down my nerves... The best and the quickest way to calm down your nerves when you're stressed is for a lot of people to eat. When we don't feel safe, we eat. And our body is protecting us by having the chemical reaction that goes on, the hormones that are released in the body, they lay down fat. That's the body protecting itself. Basically the adrenaline and everything that's going on...There are toxins that run through our body, and I didn't realize how overvigilant I was because of my childhood. Certain things that happened there. I didn't realize how overvigilant I was and how aware I was of feeling empathically what was going on around me. So my only way to control that was food.Discovering how you really feelThat doesn't really tell you what body whispering is. Body whispering for me, when I'm on a call with somebody, if I'm talking to them, I'm tuning in to them. So I can teach them how they feel. Basically ninety-nine percent of anybody who's around doesn't have a clue how they feel. They think, 'oh God that doesn't feel nice' but they automatically go into the thing that makes them feel better which is eating. Or drinking, or smoking, or shopping or whatever it is. I concentrate purely with people to do with food.So basically I can connect in with them and I'm saying “OK how do you feel about that situation?” And they go into their heads and they start describing it in mental ways. I'm like “OK fine, now bring yourself into your body because you're mentally describing and giving me mental feedback. Bring it back from your body. What are you feeling in your body?” And often they'll pick something up but I'm able to help them hone in to what the feeling really is so that they can recognize it the next time.Me: Yeah, I get it, you're teaching people basically how to...Fiona: Read their bodies.Me: Read their bodies, yeah. That's very cool.Fiona: And also what's happening to me is that when I'm reading their body... Even over Skype, it doesn't have to be live, even over Skype. I can say, “OK so I'm picking up...So a thought came to me, I've just been asked to ask you this question. What does this got to do with that?” or “Would this resonate with you?” So I'm allowing myself to be open that I'm picking up something for them.A body scan offerMe: Wow. And so I know that you have something pretty cool going on at the moment which is a body scan offer I think. Do you want to say something about that?Fiona: Yeah, I offer people if they're interested to find out what the undercurrent is that's going on through their body. So basically I help people understand the undercurrent that's going on. There's nothing more responsive to your thoughts than your body.That being said, if you don't know what you're thinking, then how can you possibly change your thoughts? So often people are saying mantras or they're saying positive thoughts. But the undercurrent that goes on behind that is often very subconscious. I call it on a soul level, when you have total disbelief on that ever happening for you. It could be to do with money, but I talk to people about their bodies.How it worksSo what I ask people to do if they're really interested is they can come forward and they can have a body scan. I can have half an hour with them, I ask them some questions. They're very kind of open, big questions that allow me to see where they're coming from. And for example what makes them really happy or really sad, and then I can gauge what's going on. I can gauge their stress levels, and I can feed back to them what's going on and what's the most likely reason things are not working for them. Even if they've been dieting and detoxing and exercising for years. But there's something going on in their bodies that they haven't allowed themselves to let go of. They're still hanging onto something and it's hanging onto their body.Me: And so if people want to know more about that, where's the best place for them to find you and to look at that offer?Where to find FionaFiona: OK I have my website which is fionarobertson dot co. And I don't know how we can do that, but...Me: Well I'll link to things in the show notes anyway.Fiona: Yeah, I'll send you a link to the body scan so that people can come through and they can test out the body scan. Basically have a very happy-go-lucky conversation with me. And yeah, just find out a little bit more about who you are and what your body's asking for, funnily enough. What she needs, what she wants and what she's lacking the most. And it's not nutrients on a vitamin and mineral scale, it's nutrients of other descriptions.Me: Wow super, OK. And is that a free consultation, or...?Fiona: Yeah.Me: OK. I thought so, I just wanted to make sure I said it because some people, that's...they'll want to know that. And then, yeah, hopefully...Well I'm sure that there'll be a lot of people interested in that because I mean I just think that's fascinating!Well thank you so much Fiona for being here to share your story!Fiona: Oh, thanks!Shed your baggageMe: It's been quite a...it's certainly given me a lot to think about around... Well around world travel, really, because I love travelling and I have travelled quite a bit. But I'm gearing up to do some more in the future with not very much baggage at all, so that's...Fiona: Oh, so nice to get rid of your baggage! And what a nice analogy as well, get rid of all your baggage!Me: Yup, all kinds of baggage! (laughs)So thank you so much for that inspiration. It's been really great to talk to you!Fiona: Thank you so much for inviting me, thank you so much.Me: You're very welcome, thank you, have a super, super day!The best travel foodRight, so fantastic! I hope you enjoyed that story. And I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you the best travel food that I know. And that food is...dates!Dates are an amazing food. They're easily portable, you can just pop some into a bag and put them in your suitcase. You can even carry them on a plane with you – at least as of today you can still do that. Properties of datesNow in terms of properties of dates, the first thing about dates is that they are amazing for the digestive system. This is because they are one of the best foods for getting rid of parasites. They basically bind onto and then help sweep away all kinds of nasty stuff: parasites, heavy metals, bad bacteria, viruses, fungus and especially Candida. And if you've got a tendency to constipation, dates can help there too.In addition, contrary to what you might think as they're very sweet, they're excellent for helping to balance blood sugar. The fruit sugar that they contain also helps feed the muscles and refuel the brain – so they're a great brain food too. As well as a great food for sport.And if you often feel stressed, dates can help you there as well. They contain almost 70 bioactive minerals that support the adrenals as they work to help us face various life challenges. On top of that, they've got a huge amount of amino acids which elevates their levels of potassium which in turn helps stop formation of excess lactic acid. Another good reason why they're really good for sport, as well as anti-stress.They're also said to be abundant in anti-cancer properties, particularly for abdominal cancer.And because dates are so high in nutrition, they can help with weight control. For example, some Muslims eat dates with water to break a fast before they eat anything else and one benefit to that is that it helps avoid overeating at that first meal which I think is really cool.Why dates are the best travel foodAnother very cool thing about dates is that if like Fiona you want to go on a travelling adventure and you're not quite sure about how you'll find food, some people say that a wrapped up date in your pocket or in your bag can act like a good luck travel charm. It can ensure you'll always find something to eat. Of course yes you can always eat the date itself, but some say that this little fruit can help you find more than that.For those who want to know what exact nutrients dates contain, well there are a lot. But the ones I'll mention here in addition to potassium are calcium, iron, phosphorus, sodium, magnesium and zinc, as well as vitamin K, vitamin A, thiamin, niacin and riboflavin. It's got loads of stuff.How to eat datesAs to how to eat dates, well you just grab a handful, right? Be sure though to remove the pit inside first please, we don't want an impromptu trip to the dentist. And just 4 to 6 dates a day can give you excellent benefits.They're also one of the key ingredients in many recipes for things like energy balls. So for example you can blitz some dates in a food processor with some nuts and maybe a bit of dried coconut for an instant snack. And if you'd like more recipes where you can indulge in their sweetness, I'll post the link to my 5-Minute Desserts recipe ebook below the show notes for this episode. Which brings us to the end of this week's story! I hope you enjoyed it!And if you've got a crazy, true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I'd love to hear from you! If you enjoy my stories and want to hear more, join us and subscribe! I share one crazy yet true story a week. And if you've got any questions, just pop them in the comments! And if you're listening on iTunes, do give me a review, that would be awesome.I hope you have an amazing day, thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESLink to 5-Minute Desserts and other recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/Article on dates including links to studies and other articles: https://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/fruit/health-benefits-of-dates.htmlFiona's website: www.fionarobertson.coFor your free Body Scan session, book a time with Fiona here: https://fionarobertson.acuityscheduling.com/Fiona's bioFiona Robertson, Author, Creator of the Home Detox Box, Retreat Biarritz, and a Body Whisperer intuitive holistic coach - supporting women as they release, reset and re connect with their bodies. I assist the body to consciously re constructing itself from the inside out, releasing the emotions and stress that cause the body to hold onto weight and create digestive and long lasting physical symptoms.

关注微信公众号: LizhiFM2635584 点击 节目信息 - 往期节目 ，就可以获取配文知识点啦！ 都是实用干货哦！1. 歌词部分：On the other side of a street I knewStood a girl that looked like youI guess that's deja vuBut I thought this can't be trueCause you moved to west L.A or New York or Santa FeOr wherever to get away from meOh but that one nightWas more than just rightI didn't leave you cause I was all throughOh I was overwhelmed and frankly scared as hellBecause I really fell for you关注微信公众号: LizhiFM2635584 点击 节目信息 - 往期节目 ，就可以获取配文知识点啦！ 都是实用干货哦！

Description: Heather Craik shares with us some pitfalls of dating as a single mom, with some pretty crazy results. Plus a food that fills you up from the inside outHi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:How Not To Date As A Single Mom (And Still Find Love Anyway)In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best food to feel full, in other words, to fill you up from the inside out.OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story.Our guest, Heather CraikI am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Heather Craik. Heather's going to share with us what it can be like to start out life as a single mom, explore dating on Tinder (which like I've never done) and have long distance relationships (which I haven't done either). So all that sounds super interesting to me! She now helps people solve a completely different kind of problem which we'll mention later.For now though, Heather, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I've been looking forward to having you ever since you told me about your incredible, roller-coaster story!Heather: Hey, thanks for having me. Glad to be here.Me: You're so welcome. So I think if I understood it correctly that your story starts where you were with somebody and you got pregnant? And then you wound up being a single mom? Can you talk about how that came about, maybe?Heather's storyHeather: Yeah, sure. I mean I'd been with this guy for about nine years or so and that's an entirely different story in and of itself. But what happened was I was in Canada when I fell pregnant. And because I wasn't expecting to fall pregnant in Canada, I didn't actually have medical coverage for that. So I came back home to the UK which is where I'm from. And you know a couple of months after that I realized that it was really not working out with this other guy.Me: The nine year guy.Heather: So that was just a bit entertaining for a while. I broke it off with him and went through the rest of my pregnancy, it was just me. My parents were there which was really helpful. But I was about 5 months pregnant I reckon when it ended.Me: That is so, I have to say that is just so, so brave! Oh my goodness. Like how did you...how did you feel like when you... I mean, yeah, how did you feel? I can imagine – I can't imagine, I mean I've been pregnant, I have two kids. But how did you feel when you just like made that, made that decision, you know? To...Heather: Well I think leading up to it was quite stressful. And I noticed that before the decision was actually made, I felt stressed for a lot of days, but once it was done and it was over I actually felt relieved. Which I think was really telling.Me: Wow. That's really telling. Especially like the situation you were in, right? Cause I know that for me, when I was pregnant in some ways I felt kind of vulnerable, you know? Because you're carrying this childHeather: Oh yeah, entirely. I was back staying with my parents even. So yeah. But they were great, by the way. My parents were fantastic from the word go.Me: Oh wow, that's really good. Well I'm sure that at the end of the day they just really want you to be happy, right?Heather: Yeah, they're really good that way.Rebuilding a businessMe: So then you started out as a single mom, so was your son born when you were still living with your parents? I mean, were you working at all?Heather: Yeah, I was still with my parents for about 10 months after he was born, actually. So I was working, I had started work on my business at that point but it hadn't really fully taken off. I had my business before I fell pregnant, let's just clear that up. But then it sort of, you know, the whole moving country and then being very pregnant and then having a very small child, it had fallen by the wayside. So I had to kind of build that back up again.Me: Yeah. Wow. I can't even imagine, like, I don't know, I started...I started my business when my kids were like 10 and 12 or something like that. But I think I was so traumatized when my son was born, my first child, that I don't think I could have had any head for business at all. It was like...Heather: Oh I tell you what, pregnancy brain is such a real thing though. You don't realize it, but probably the last couple of months of my pregnancy and for three months after I couldn't focus on my work at all. I would try, I would sit down in this dazed fog and try to code and it just did not work.Me: Wow, I guess because...that would be an interesting topic in and of itself, right? Pregnancy brain and why it happens and everything. I mean you've got another being with you, right? That's, that could be...that's the first thing that comes to my mind. That must have been really hard. But at least your parents were there to help out, right? I imagine when your son was born, then...Heather: Yeah, I didn't have to cook for the longest time! That was hugely helpful!Me: Oh! Heaven! (laughs)Heather: I know! I do miss that!Time to start dating againMe: Yeah! So then how old was...cause I know that at some point you did...you did want to start dating again. How old was your son when you were like, 'OK, I'm gonna just, you know...'Heather: I think just over a year, actually.Me: And was there anything that happened? Any specific, I don't know, moment or incident that caused you to think, 'OK I'm ready to date now'? I mean, it's a pretty big decision, right?Heather: Honestly, it had been a very long time for me since I'd had any...you know, any of that wonderful sex stuff. Me: Any action. Yeah, of course!Heather: And it was getting to that point...I had moved out which was, you know, helpful. So I'd moved out and had my own place and my son was more settled, he started to sleep better at night which was a real help. Yeah, that was pretty much what led up to it.Me: Wow. And then so you said that you started finding people...How did you start finding people? I'll let you talk about it!Trials of TinderHeather: Well since I pretty much live online anyway, I automatically gravitated over to dating sites. You know, I'd been hearing a lot about Tinder because I'm of that age group that they obviously target for that kind of thing. So I thought 'OK whatever, I'll have a look'. I wasn't expecting to find anybody but I thought whatever, it would be worth a laugh at least.Me: So then like sorry, for people who don't know what Tinder is, can you say a little bit about like how it works?Heather: OK well basically, what Tinder is, it's an app first and foremost. It links into your Facebook but it doesn't post to your Facebook. It just pulls information from there. And you know, you get these photos that come up and you either swipe right if you'd like to talk to them or swipe left if you don't want anything to do with them. Me: Yup (laughs).Heather: So what happens is if you swipe right and someone else, like the one you just swiped right on also swipes right, then you can start a conversation.Me: Right. Kind of like shopping, I guess.Heather: Kinda sorta. You already have that 'OK well we both agreed we like something about you'. You get that. By its nature it can be quite shallow, but there actually are descriptions and bios as well. People don't actually read them...Me: That was my other question as well. Cause if you swipe...So do you have the description under the picture that you can read before you swipe? Or do you only swipe based on...Heather: Yeah, you can see it under the picture. You just have to click and you can read it. Not everyone does.Me: Of course, yeah I can imagine. Interesting people...or notSo you met some pretty interesting people on Tinder, right? I believe there's a little story there...Heather: Oh, yes, did I ever!There were a few interesting ones I will grant you, but the one that still sticks in my head was this one guy. And I don't remember his name, I don't even really remember what he looks like, but I remember he was quite reasonable at first. So obviously we'd both swiped to the right to talk, whatever. We'd exchanged a couple of messages and then pretty much off the bat he was like, “Well I like Lego”. As one of his interests. And I was like “OK, well Lego's pretty cool, fine.” And then he comes back with, “No, no, I really like Lego”. Before I had a chance to respond to that, he follows up with this other message saying that he likes to put it in certain places and I'm afraid that I was out. All done. No way!Me: Oh no, that's too weird (laughs). Did you actually like meet live with anybody on Tinder?Heather: I did actually meet live with one of them and honestly it was probably one of the more shallow ones. It was just one of those 'hey he looked good I looked good'. Fine. We'll meet up. And he was a nice guy, still is a nice guy. Not the brightest tool in the shed, but yeah, we did meet up and we did engage in some activites and that was fine. But not particulary fulfilling, I would say.Is Tinder worth it?Me: Yeah. So is your conclusion that it's probably good for the shallow stuff but not much more? Is that what you would say?Heather: I reckon it probably could work for people that had a bit more time. There were certainly some interesting people there that I reckon if you'd gone out and spoken to them in a coffee type setting that might have been OK. But a lot of people do just go on and use it for shallow whatevers.Me: Yeah. So then, how long did you kind of like play around with Tinder before you went on to somebody else that...yeah? (laughs)Heather: Probably around a month and a half or two months, I was just bored by that point. And you're having to keep up all these other conversations too. It seems sort of mean to be like 'OK I'm not that interested' but at the same time...not that interested.Me: Yeah, and it's time and everything that you're taking up, right?Enter the former loverSo then how did the former lover come into the picture?Heather: Ah, well you see he was one of those people that we never went particularly far emotionally. That was just never our thing. But we had been lovers obviously on and off. And he...I'm not sure how that started again actually, I think what happened was we started talking again cause we were phasing in and out of each other's lives anyway. We started talking again and it was just one of those 'hey OK, so do you just want to come over' type things. I think I actually started out telling him that nothing was gonna happen, and that was obviously not what actually happened.Me: I had somebody like that too. It was actually quite handy, it was because I used to be a singing waitress and a singing coat check girl in this like fancy French restaurant place. Very, totally random and there were lots of different bands that came through and there was a guy like that. You know, we had a kind of understanding that if, you know, if we were in the mood for just something superficial, we'd just, you know, it's fine.Heather: Yeah, and it's not like you don't care, it's just never ever gonna be anything else.Me: And then I feel like, you know, well I think there's a place for that right? If that's what you want and that's what they want, I mean why not, right?Heather: Yeah, I mean it worked out pretty well for that.A long distance relationshipMe: And then you said that after that you somehow then found yourself in a long distance relationship, I mean how did that happen?Heather: Yes, I kinda did. So this guy was somebody that I'd met in Canada about 6 years prior, nothing ever happened there. He was friends to us both but we'd sort of lost contact for a while. We hadn't really seen each other for a while. We started talking again, it must have been a couple months after Gabriel turned one, so it must have been September probably that we started talking again. I was minding my own business, not looking for anything in particular. And he just admits that he likes me, and I'm like “Oh, OK” because I'd always sort of had a thing for him too. So we did that and then it just went boom. Right time. We gave it a go.Me: And then how did you...but you said it was long distance, so like how did that work? Did you like Skype each other?Heather: What we used to do was we would talk a lot on Facebook messenger because that was the quickest and easiest way. But he would also video call. Like after a few months we realized that worked a bit better. He would hop on video and we'd talk. Which, you know, it was fine when my kid was asleep.If he isn't a kid kind of guy...But for whatever reason my sweet, darling toddler that loves everybody hated when I was on video with this guy. He was fine with video with other people even. Hated it. Tantrum after about 10 minutes, did not like it.Me: I wonder why.Heather: Yeah, I mean to be fair, this guy didn't particularly like him either. He tried, but he wasn't ever a kids type person and you know he really didn't like my ex either which didn't help matters because honestly...they're related, so...Me: Oh, your son and your ex, yeah.Heather: Yeah. So, yeah, that didn't go very well. He did make an honest effort but that's not really something you can make an honest effort on. Which is kind of why we ended up splitting actually. It was that and the distance. Because I realized that I didn't want to move back to Canada and he had realized that he didn't want to move either.Me: So how long were you in that kind of situation with him before you were like 'oh well this isn't really gonna go anywhere'.Heather: Well I think probably that entire relationship lasted about 5 months. It was about a month or two of 'OK what are we gonna do about this' so that wasn't particularly fun. And then it became really obvious at the end that it was just never gonna change really. I did entertain the thought of moving for a little while. And I know that he tried thinking about moving too for a little while, and we just wouldn't have been happy moving, either of us, so.Trying out BumbleMe: You said that once you moved on from the long distance relationship, you mentioned something called Bumble. What's that?Heather: Oh, Bumble, right. So it's kind of like Tinder, but with a very noticeable difference. Only the women can do the first message and you only get 24 hours after you've matched to make that message. And then they get 24 hours to message back, and if no-one does within their time frame, that's it. Unless you pay. Some people pay.Me: And how did you find that compared to Tinder?Heather: Honestly it was very similar, but the people seemed to be looking for deeper connections in general. In general. But there were obviously still plenty of the 'oh hey, I just want a casual something'. That's fine, if that's what you're looking for.Me: And then did you meet a lot of people on Bumble?Heather: There were a few people I spoke to actually, and some of them were quite lovely. And there was one I actually met up with. He was fine, we sort of met up during the day at one point first of all. You know, we got on great, it was OK. I think we went to the park actually, so Gabriel was actually there. He was running about at the park. This other guy was there and it was fine, there was nothing going on. We would up meeting up the next evening. And basically we did the kissing thing and then the other stuff, but oh my God no!Kissing a black holeHow would I describe this delicately? Probably not very well, but I'll describe it anyway. Imagine a black hole and imagine chicken pecks and combine the two. And that was his kissing.Me: Oh, that's horrible!Heather: And the sex itself was not much better.Me: Oh, OK that's actually, that's a really good image. That's a bit scary, it's kind of a bit freaky.Heather: Yeah, you sort of wonder how they get to that age without knowing how to kiss. But anyway.Me: I guess some people do, right? I guess that didn't go anywhere! Heather: That did not!Me: (laughs) And then you said you found yourself in another long distance relationship? Or not a relationship?Heather: Ah, completely accidentally, I had in fact sworn off boys at this point. I was like 'you know what, I don't even care anymore. I'm not doing this dating thing anymore, I'm happy on my own'. Because it had come to that point, right? My business was going well by this point. I was perfectly happy just not looking for somebody. That was me at this point.Me: I mean then did you think...sorry, did you think that...when you say you were perfectly happy not looking for somebody, was it because you thought 'oh there's no point, they're all gonna be a bit crap' or was it because...Heather: There was a bit of that but it was more that I wasn't that fussed about it anymore.When you're perfectly happy on your ownMe: Oh! What happened for you to like be not fussed?Heather: I think it was a combination of the ending of that long distance relationship. Because I had cared quite a bit and then obviously it didn't work for practical reasons. Combined with...I'm gonna call it a sex experience, but it's not...you know the one. And then also combined with I'd reached a point where I really wasn't lacking anything.I think probably the reason I started looking in the first place was that I felt this longing for a connection, right? But by that point I was actually OK on my own. I didn't need that to validate me anymore.Me: So the interesting thing I find about that is that there are so many people who try to get to that point through conscious effort, right? For example they think to themselves, 'oh I keep reaching out to others for connection and I'm kind of just fed up because nothing's working. I'm just gonna be by myself and do a lot of introspection'. And stuff like that. Whereas with you...Like in other words, they try to get to that point by working on themselves in a very conscious way. Whereas with you it sounds like it was a very kind of like organic process.Heather: It was completely accidental! I was just doing my own thing.Me: Did it have anything to do with your business doing well? Because I know you did say at one point that it was quite hard with your business, right? There was a bit of a tough period.Heather: Well yeah, because obviously I had a young child. It's not that easy to juggle with business, especially since I was used to just running it by myself.Being your own personI think that took some getting used to. But no, what happened was over the course of that long distance relationship that lasted about 5 months, my business started to take off and have more traction. My child, very helpfully, started sleeping through the night. I wasn't a sleep-deprived zombie anymore. That was a lot more fun! I started to take better care of myself again and you know what? He was actually quite good for me in that regard because I started to explore being my own person again which was really quite helpful too.Me: Oh I know what you mean.Heather: All that combined so that I found who I was again.Me: I know what you mean, it's kind of...cause I can remember that stage with my own kids. It's kind of like, yeah, you do get your own life back in a sense. I think you put it well to me in an email when you said like a mombie, right? You're walking around with no sleep.Heather: Yeah, up until that point I don't think I had slept more than two hours in a row since he was born. Because his longest period of sleep...And that only happened when he was about a year old maybe, was four hours and then two hours and then two hours and then one. But obviously I was still up. So I got two, two, one and a half if I was lucky...Self-affirmationMe: Oh wow. So then...I was gonna ask you something about that. And then your business started to take off, right? You got more clients and everything? Do you think...cause I don't know about you, but for me I know that when the business stuff starts to go really well, that's a big, a big kind of self-affirmation, in a way.Heather: Yeah, it's like this realization 'oh hey I can make it work. It's doing well, I can do this'. That point that you get to. I'd had it before, but I think with being pregnant and having my kid...There was a part of me that was initially worried that 'oh my gosh, what if I don't ever get this back?' You know? So obviously that had been appeased by that point because I started to see it come back again.Me: So then now where are you at now with that? I mean I know that your business is going well. But do you also like, are you at the point where you have somebody in your life? Or are you at the point where...Heather: Oh yeah, it's actually really funny. It was probably about a week after I got to this realization that I was totally fine. I could just have a business and have my son and maybe go travelling and all this fun stuff....Along comes the right guyAlong comes this guy that I'd been speaking to probably since October. He was a friend of a friend, we'd started talking on Facebook. I think we met once some years ago for like 5 minutes. So we'd been talking and we get along really well. We'd video chat just as friends, whatever. And so somewhere in there he decided to profess his undying love for me which was helpful.Me: Oh, wow.Heather: I'll be fair, I do love him too. We are not together. I am still single because I'm incredibly stubborn and I'm not doing the long distance thing again. But he's actually looking at moving here at some point.Me: Wait, so is he in Canada at the moment?Heather: Yup, he's in Canada as well.Me: Oh! Yeah, you've gotta get those guys out of Canada, right?Heather: Yeah, I'm just gonna need to import somebody.Me: Exactly. Well, just the good one, right? The other guys can stay over there.Heather: Yeah, they can stay as far away as they need too.Me: Just get the good one. Being clear about what you wantMe: So are you...how can I put this? Have you basically just said to him, you know, “I'm not moving, if you want us to be together then this is how it's gonna work. And I need you to come here” kind of thing?Heather: Pretty much, yes. What happened was that I was quite open with the fact that I'm not leaving here. Or that if I did leave from here, it would just be to Europe maybe. You know, fairly local because I don't want to leave my family behind again.Me: Especially with your son and everything, right?Heather: Yeah, and a ten hour flight each way is not ideal.Me: Oh I know, I've done that, yeah!Heather: That's where I came into it. And he was all like, well he was initially all 'No I don't want to move either'. Which was fine because, you know, we weren't dating. But he sort of came round to the idea. I think what happened for him basically is he looked at it and decided, 'Actually I don't have much to keep me really. And I want to be over there with her, so...' That's where he came to it.Me: Wow, so yeah, you'll soon have somebody flying halfway across the world to be with you, which is pretty cool, right? Heather: Yes, it makes a change.Me: Exactly! Rather than you doing all the flying, that's really good.What Heather does nowSo what about...so now I know that with your business and everything, well. I'd love to ask you about what you're doing now because I know for a fact that what you're doing now is super helpful to people like me!Heather: Yeah, OK. So what I do is, I run Designmancy. And basically what I do there is I will take your WordPress site and I can build it, I can repair it, I can train you how to use it. I can fix it...Anything you could possibly need for WordPress, that is what I do. I'm your coder fixer gal, basically.Me: Wow that is really cool. And you take on all different kinds of projects, everything from like building sites to fixing existing sites...Heather: Oh yeah, I mean I am honestly at my happiest when I'm getting to fix bits and pieces of code or getting to build something new. Really I get kind of twitchy if I've not fixed anything for a couple of weeks, so just give me something to do!Me: Oh just give me a call, I've got plenty to fix!Heather: Basically that's how I work.Me: That's really cool. And of course you can do it from anywhere, right?Heather: Well yeah, that's a big help too.Me: That's fantastic! Brilliant! What's your...Oh I'll put the link to your website in the show notes. But for the benefit of people listening, where's the best place for them to find you?Where to find HeatherHeather: OK, probably the best place to find me is designmancy.com. I'll spell it cause it's a bit of a weird word. It's design, I think we all know that bit! And then it's mancy dot com. That's the best place to reach me. Depending on when you get there my site may still just be a 'coming soon' page. Because cobbler's shoes and all that stuff. But it does have this really nice early bird discount, so hop on over!Me: Super! So then I have another question for you. Is that the new design of your website? Because your business is already, you know, going well and making money and stuff, I assume you got your previous clients from a previous website? Is that right?Heather: Well I had had a website there for a while but it was never really that good. I've actually been getting a lot of my clients from Facebook groups and referrals and word of mouth. I've not been using my site as much but it has gotten to the point where I really need it to work. I'm really excited by this actually, I've hired a copywriter to help me. So she's doing all my written content. Obviously I'm doing my website bit but I've got a photographer and all that fun stuff as well. It's coming together really quite nicely and it's exciting!Me: Super! And I do know that it's very cobbler's shoes, right? That, you know, the WordPress site designer whose WordPress site isn't designed yet because you're doing everybody else's, right?Super! Oh thank you so much Heather for being here to share your story with us. I love that, so...Heather: Thank you Barbara, I'm so glad I got to be here and thanks for having me!An ideal food to feel fullMe: You're so welcome! So, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you one of the best foods to fill you up. It's a great comfort food that's actually good for you. And that food is...oats!Now oats are a very powerful yet often underestimated food. They really do help fill you up and give you energy over long periods. As do chia seeds, which I've spoken about in a previous episode.And the reason I'm mentioning food to feel full is because a lot of us could reach for fulfilment in the arms of someone. Man, woman, whatever. But this food can actually fill you up without reaching for anybody's arms. And then you can still reach for the arms of somebody if you want to!In terms of food to feel full, in one study done in Australia, oats actually ranked at number 3 for a 'satiety index'. Which basically is a number allocated to how good particular foods are at satisfying hunger and contributing to a feeling of fullness. Some researchers have found that eating oats can help reduce appetite as well. So if you make yourself some oatmeal with apples, you'd be giving yourself a double whammy of food to feel full, as it were, because apples are good appetite-reducers too.I'm sure that if you've eaten oats, well you may not be very surprised at that because you've probably experienced feeling pretty full after a bowl of, say, oatmeal or porridge as they say in the UK.Other benefits of oatsDid you know that oats do have a lot of benefits, and one of the benefits is that they're great for your gut? They're high in fiber so they're very helpful for digestion, and some researchers believe that they may even help boost some of the beneficial bacteria in our gut.The other cool thing about oats is that they can be very helpful for lowering cholesterol. The oats bind with cholesterol and therefore help remove excess from your body. I've got personal experience with this because my ex-husband used to be on medication for high cholesterol, until he did two things. The first one was he started eating my food, but also he added in oats at breakfast. Within a year he was off the medication and that was about 10 years ago now. And if anyone comes near him and says the word 'oats', they will get an earful about how oats bind with cholesterol and you know, blah blah blah. He goes on about it(!)But the benefits of oats don't stop there. You don't have to eat them, you can bathe in them! For help with inflamed skin conditions such as eczema, chickenpox or even sunburn, you can add one cup of finely ground oats to your bathwater and let your skin soak up all that goodness.What oats containAs to what oats contain, they have many minerals, such as selenium, magnesium, phosphorus, manganese and zinc. So the phosphorus helps if for example you've got students in your house for example and they're studying for exams and things, phosphorus can help there too.Many people ask if oats contain gluten. It's important to note here that oats of themselves don't actually contain gluten. However, if you are celiac or extremely sensitive to even traces of gluten, you'll want to check the provenance of your oats. Because sometimes they can pick up traces of gluten if they are grown next to a field of gluten-containing grains such as wheat or barley. You can buy packages of oats that are marked gluten-free, they're just a bit more expensive. But you can get them.How to eat oatsAs to how to eat oats, when you're faced with buying oats in the supermarket, you may get a bit confused. There are steel-cut oats, oat groats, rolled oats, Scottish oats... all kinds of oats! I'll link to an article below that spells out the different kinds so that you'll know what to buy without tearing your hair out.Personally I use two kinds. I use oat groats, which are the whole grains. They're great for soaking overnight and making into oat milk, and they're also really good for grinding for making oat flour. I also use rolled oats which are basically hearty flakes. They're oat groats that have been pressed flat and they're great for making energy bites.I've got some recipes that use oats in my 5-Minute Chocolate Heaven ebook, so if you'd like to take a look, I'll post the link below in the show notes. Have YOU got a story to share?Which brings us to the end of this week's story – and if you've got a true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESLink to 5-Minute Chocolate Heaven and other recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/Article on health benefits of oats: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/270680.phpAn easy explanation of the different types of oats: http://www.webmd.com/diet/oatmeal-benefits#1Heather's bio: Heather runs Designmancy, your place for WordPress design, repairs and training, while raising a 2 year old son and generally plotting to take over the world.Heather's website: http://designmancy.comFind Heather on Facebook and Instagram​

How Kate Fisher found herself at the brink of death, having to choose between this world and the next. Plus one of the best foods to feel grounded: for keeping a level head and making good decisions(!) Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:This world...Or AnotherIn addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you one of the best foods to feel grounded – in other words, to help us stay clear-headed and even make better decisions in our lives.OK enough hints from me, I'm sure you have no idea what that food is...or maybe you do, so let's get on with the story.Our guest, Kate FisherI am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Kate Fisher. Kate is a shamanic practitioner who specialises in helping others to connect with the power that is already within them. She is also an artist, and she works with drums, paint and clay to create shamanic tools, paintings and ceramics. And she works with people not only face to face, but also at a distance which I think is very cool. She has a pretty incredible story to share which I think you're going to love!So Kate, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast!Kate: Thanks Barbara.Me: Yeah, it's great to have you. I'm looking forward to sharing your story.Kate's storySo you work in Norfolk, you live in Kent, but do you have a lot of trees surrounding you now? Because I know that you spent a lot of your childhood in trees, is that what you told me? Is that where your story begins?Kate: Yeah, it kind of is, I was much more into sitting in trees and hanging out there and not really with the other kids. It just felt calming and I later found out that what was actually happening was that I was speaking with the tree deities and the tree spirits themselves. Me: So like when most kids had imaginary friends, like little playmates and stuff, then you just had your playmates that were like in the trees and nature spirits and everything.That's really cool, when I was little actually, I didn't play with the other kids either. I was with them but I was a tiger roaring and crawling on the floor. So there were no nature spirits for me, just a bunch of crawling around.On to herbalismAt one point you studied herbalism, is that right? How did you come to study that?Kate: Well, I began studying it. After doing my art degree, I actually got a job in Neal's Yard Remedies in Norwich. And so that just kind of brought me back to plants and their uses. The medicinal uses were the sort of thing I was drawn to. I was going to move to Australia to do the whole course of naturopathy. There was something still missing from that for me. So from that I actually found magical herbalism.Me: Okay.Kate: Yeah, so that's kind of like hedge witchcraft. It's understanding that everything has an energy and you can use that energy to help heal and help rebalance.Me: I know about wild plants, you know, and collecting wild plants and just eating them because they taste really good, and I know that nettles for example are really good for arthritis, just little things that you kind of pick up. But that's kind of all I know. So is it like making teas for people and poultices and things like that out of plants and stuff?Kate: No, no, it's purely energetic, so it's basically like spellcasting.Me: OK.Magic herbalism, then on to the PhilippinesKate: So you would use certain herbs and plants that have certain attributes and they often correspond with the medicinal uses as well. And you'd kind of enchant them and then you'd make them into little sachets to hand to people and once they'd got their use from it, they would bury it. It was always just for an energetic purpose.Me: Oh OK.Kate: It's like the old wives' tale of putting certain things above the door so things can't come in.Me: I get it. OK. So you were doing herbalism but then I think you stopped, is that right, and you moved to the Philippines? Is that right?Kate: Yeah, that's right. So magical herbalism still wasn't doing it for me and I still felt there was something more. And I came across a book and it was called Chance Spirit Shamanism, and this just sent me off! I knew that I had to do something with this because it would take me deeper into that plant realm. The way I actually got to the Philippines was through my ceramics, with a job as a teacher over there.Manila and the Saturn returnMe: How did you get that job? That's really cool.Kate: A Filipino lady, her family ran the college there and she approached me and asked if I would teach there.Me: Wow!Kate: Unfortunately it was in Manila and for me that was just too busy. It's a really built city with really rich and really poor areas. I found this place called Bahay Kalipay which means the House of Happiness. So I went there, I volunteered and from there I taught this process called The Inner Dance, and this was precisely when my Saturn return hit. I had just turned 28 and I decided to drop everything, I sold everything that I owned in England basically, and I decided to move to the Philippines.Kate's Saturn ReturnMe: Wow. So can you just...sorry, can you explain to people, some people that may not know, what is a Saturn return and why does it just – cause I've experienced one too – what is a Saturn return and why does it turn your life upside down?Kate: Yeah, well, OK. The Saturn return is...Saturn's in a certain place in the night sky and what happens is when that then comes around which obviously it takes 28 to 30 years to come round in your astrological chart, that changes everything. You're then kind of pushed or encouraged onto a path that you should have been taking that you may have been diverted from. Some people's is really turbulent, other people it can be quite free flowing depending on what their life path life has taken. And then this happens again normally in women's time, it's normally around the menopause.Me: Well it would be like 28 years later, right?Kate: Exactly, yeah, it's on that time scale. So it really can turn your life upside down because Saturn's known as the teacher. If you haven't learned your lessons, you're gonna learn them!Why the PhilippinesMe: Yup! I've experienced that so I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, so it can be quite big life changes and stuff, right? What made you decide to move to the Philippines?Kate: Well, in all honesty a man.Me: (laughs) As so often happens...Kate: And he worked at the retreat center that I went to. Yeah, I kind of knew that it wasn't gonna work out but I'm always this kind of romantic person, I'm just gonna follow my heart...I loved it there anyway because it was just so beautiful and I felt so held there, just on the land.Me: Yeah. So you moved to the Philippines, so if you moved because of him, did you stay with him and then, like, what happened?Releasing inner blocksKate: Well, I think I moved in with him to begin with, him and his family. And then I went back to work at the retreat center for meditation and the inner dance which is kind of meditative. It allows the flow of energy and any blockages to come out, it can be quite cathartic and transformative in itself. So I went back there and lived there, and I did that for 8 months. I was looking for land to buy as well.Me: So you were gonna buy land in the Philippines? That's very cool. You said at one point that you had a kind of like dark night of the soul, was that related to the guy? Or...Kate: It was all, you know, a whole lump of stuff rolled in together (laughs). That's what happens, isn't it?Me: All at the same time, of course, yeah.Crying in paradiseKate: All at the same time. So yeah, for me, I was in paradise but I was crying my eyes out every day.Me: Oh!Kate: Yeah, and it was just this kind of ultimate depression, but this was something different, it was a transformative kind of time. And I ended up not really seeing the point in life, so I went from, you know, being on a real high and feeling the connection between all things and all of this and then just fell apart and thought, “Well, if everything is nothing and nothing is everything, then what's the point?”Me: Oh, yeah, I've felt like that before so I can relate, yeah. Wow.From the Philippines to PeruMe: And so from there, how did you...you said that you then went to Peru, right? So how did you go from the Philippines to Peru? Did you just one day up and decide to leave, or was there a specific incident where you thought 'OK I've had enough, I'm going to leave now'? Or...Kate: Well I, I'd gone to America to visit my friends over there and then while I was there I phoned this person...Me: Somebody in Peru?Kate: No, sorry, I phoned my boyfriend at the time. Yeah, and he ended up going “Oh I've decided I'm going to be a Peace Pilgrim”.Me: A Peace Pilgrim? What's that?Kate: So it's someone who walks around without anything, but just goes spreading peace and basically relies on anyone around them to support them. He said “This is my highest excitement”. So I was like, “OK, fine”. Obviously I was a bit heartbroken because I'd just travelled the other side of the world, but it made me suddenly realize that I wasn't following my highest excitement. So I thought “OK, what's happening right now? Where's the mother of all plant learnings?” And it's happening in Peru, with Ayahuasca, with Huachuma... Ayahuasca and HuachumaMe: What's huachuma? I mean, I know Ayahuasca and in fact I spoke about that in a previous episode, but what's huachuma?Kate: Huachuma is also known as San Pedro. San Pedro was the Catholic name they gave when they kind of came over to the South Americas. Huachuma is the original name for it. It's a cactus that is mescalin-based, so it's similar to the peyote which is a mescalin-based medicine.Me: Oh OK. So it's a similar kind of experience with...like a journey like you would do as if you were taking Ayahuasca but you're taking Huachuma?Kate: It's similar, yeah. Huachuma's much more about the earth and less cosmic. Ayahuasca is out there, attaching to everything that is. Huachuma's about the heart, about connecting back to the earth.Me: Wow. OK, so you did both of those when you were there?Kate: Yeah, that's right, so I spent 6 months being an apprentice to both of those plants.Me: Oh wow! So now are you able to perform Ayahuasca and Huachuma ceremonies for other people?Kate: I believe I can hold ceremony for Huachuma for other people. With Ayahuasca I decided that I'm just always going to be her apprentice (laughs). I just don't see how people hold space for that, it's such a powerful thing.Temazcals (sweat lodges)Me: OK. So you did those, and you also mentioned temazcals, you know, the sweat lodges, what were those like?Kate: It's really magical.So for somebody who doesn't, who doesn't know about a temazcal, can you say a little bit about like what it is? Because I've done one, but not everybody knows about it, right? Could you say a little bit about like what it is and what happens and why you might want to do a sweat lodge?Kate: OK. It's a really sacred ceremony and our ancestors have always used it to cleanse, to rebirth. To go into those sweat lodges is like going back into the mother's womb. You go in there with thanks, knowing what you want to get rid of or what you want to transition into. And you bless the rocks which are put into a sacred fire.Me: Sacred fire?Kate: Yes. They then heat those for several hours and then you will go into the lodge. You normally go through about four, yeah, four rounds. They'll bring in a certain number of rocks, and then water is poured onto the rocks once the door is closed.Me: And it gets really, really hot, I remember.Kate: It does. But it builds, it's not like going into a sauna. Your body gradually kind of gets used to it until it gets so hot that you're just like “Oh no I can't do this!” But quite often, we always say that the heat is your friend. Because that heat is sometimes not physical heat, it's sometimes you know, coming up against maybe a blockage of the energy of the thing that you're trying to shift, so if you can, stay in.The eyebrow of the Peruvian jungleMe: And so how did you...how did you go from doing the sweat lodges and the Ayahuasca and Huachuma ceremonies to the jungle? Cause you said that you were...I know that you mentioned to me that you were in the jungle with some friends and you had a pretty scary experience there. Can you say a little bit about like how you came to be there, and what happened?Kate: Yeah, definitely.I was a, I suppose an assistant to the woman that owned the retreat center. And we'd become really good friends because we obviously worked really closely together. We were offered a piece of land possibly in a part of the jungle called Manu which is known as the eyebrow of the jungle of Peru. So we went to visit, and our friend who also went with us, he was also an Andean priest. He went and hired a boat and took us to this special island which had quite rare breeds of certain animals, mammals and things. So he takes us over there and we're just so excited to see a different part and see rare species. Onto the land, you know you just start walking around and admiring things and I think it was about a third of the way around this island and all of a sudden something hit me.When the jungle gets angryKate: It felt like I'd suddenly started menstruating but it wasn't that time, it felt like all of my guts were just turning around. I just suddenly went white. Me: Wow!Kate: Literally it just felt like, I don't know, I could have eaten something that didn't agree with me, all that kind of stuff. So my friend tried to do an echo cleansing on me. Now all that did - this is the dirty part of the story – was give me diarrhea. It was awful. My body was emptying, everything was too heavy. I was getting rid of everything. It was really quite scary as it progressed.And then this feeling came over me that the jungle was angry. There was always this element of kind of doubt, skepticism I guess.Getting lost in another worldBut I was about to get lost in another world. The jungle felt like it was pulling me. The world that I knew, that part of the jungle that I was seeing with my physical eyes was disappearing. Me: Wow! That's scary!Kate: Terrifying. And interesting at the same time.Me: Yeah, kind of like 'this is really scary but this is really cool!'Kate: I mean I got really scared up until the point where I thought, 'OK, maybe I'm going to leave this other world that I know and I'm gonna be taken to another world'. And when I reached that level of acceptance, you know, that strange place of like 'OK this is just happening', I told my friends to go on without me. I said, “This is where I stop”. And it was like, it was, I don't know, it was like I was disappearing.Me: Wow.Kate: Yeah, I...after feeling scared it was suddenly this peace that took over. But then my friends became scared because they realized how real this had become. You know, they couldn't just leave me in the jungle.Me: Yeah.Kate: And the Andean priest, he was suddenly panicking around me. He was saying in Spanish, in Quechua, panicking about “Oh I haven't done it, I haven't done it, I haven't done it!” He was going on about the ritual or the ceremony that we were supposed to do when we arrived at this land.A hurried ceremonyKate: And so all of a sudden he's scrambling in his pockets to get things out and I was just flopped on the ground at this point and I had no idea what was going on around me other than his scrambling. He got out the cocoa leaves and he made like a little fan of these and he started doing ceremony. And he was doing all these different things around me but I didn't have any awareness to be able to learn or witness or anything, it was like I was being absorbed into the jungle floor.The next thing I know he's yanking me up off the ground saying “Stamp on the floor! Stamp on the floor!” Like this. And I was just like “I can't do it, I can't even lift my leg,” like I had nothing left, no physical ability whatsoever. But he was so persistent I just went and I just, I just kind of just flopped my foot on this space and I later found out that he'd buried the cocoa leaves there.And as I touched my foot down, something happened and I felt a little bit stronger. So then he went, “Again!” I stamped again a little bit harder with the strength that I'd found. And he said, “Again!” I stamped my foot even harder, and every time we did this, my energy started coming back and my color started coming back and I felt myself being drawn in, like my energy bodies being drawn back into this physical body. Until we'd done it enough that they felt comfortable with us making our way away from there.Me: Wow. Yeah, and then you just left at that point? Were you supposed to stay longer?Kate: I had to lay there while they went off in the boat for a while so I had to lay in the jungle for a bit and stop. Just to kind of recoup and make sure that I'd gathered all the parts of me back together I think. Me: Yeah, of course, yeah.Fear as teacherKate: And I gave my thanks and you know, and I said, “Sorry for not knowing better”. I should have known better, that's what I was there to learn, you know. How to respect these places.Me: Yeah, but you were there to learn. I would have thought the Andean priest would have... I mean, I would have been blaming him! (laughs) Right? Wasn't he kind of there to, you know, to guide you and look after you? I mean I would have been like, “Dude you forgot something! Look what happened to me!” No?Kate: Well, I suppose, but I didn't see things that way at that time. I kind of overtook responsibility if that makes sense. But I gave my thanks to the jungle at that point because that's when my skepticism left and I really started to trust that Spirit is there to guide. And it really showed me its strength, and the only way it could do that was through fear.Me: Wow.Kate: Yeah, I was really, really grateful to have learned that lesson because without that I wouldn't be able to practice, you know, the techniques that I do today.Me: I bet the Andean priest learned a lot too, right? I bet he never did that again! (laughs) Right?Kate: (laughs) I don't think so!Me: Almost killed a tourist, can you imagine? Oh my goodness. Wow!What Kate does todaySo then you said that that experience helped you do the techniques that you do today, so how? Like, how come? What was it about that particular experience and what did you take from there I guess is what I want to ask, that you now use? Yeah, that you use now?Kate: Well it's just the level of trust.Me: Ah, OK. That makes sense.Kate: When I'm doing the healings or ceremony or anything, I endeavour obviously – I mean sometimes ego gets in the way and makes you feel small. But that's quite rare these days. I just allow Spirit and the ancestors to guide me.Me: Yup. Yeah, because you have that trust now thanks to your experience in the jungle. I get it, yeah. Wow!So then, yeah, what do you do now to help other people? Because I know you do lots of different things, do you want to say a little bit about that?Kate: Yeah, well the main thing that I endeavour to do, like anyone that I come across I try and support and empower. Even if it's the smallest thing. And give people that different perspective on themselves. I think we're so made to feel belittled and that we think that, you know, to think good of ourselves is to be arrogant. But actually we need to come to a space where we can be comfortable and love ourselves without that. Me: Yeah.Kate: It's really hard to explain! I lead retreats and...Finding the Wild WomanMe: So what kinds of things do you do at the retreats? For example, do you take people on shamanic journeys as a group? Kate: So for the retreats, what I focus on at the moment is women. And I do this alongside a lovely lady called Amy who runs SoulShine social enterprise and we, well we call it Finding the Wild Woman. And it's all about rewilding, so finding that part of you that's been repressed through, you know, all the things that we should and shouldn't do and expressing your authentic self.Me: Oh I like the sound of that, yup!Kate: So we do all sorts of things.Me: Wow, that sounds quite fun.Kate: Yeah, we use all the different elements as well. So you know, we run through kind of water, earth, fire, air, spirit...so people can connect back with those. The very base elements of this world.Me: Wow, that's very cool.Individual help, even at a distanceMe: So you do those at the retreats, and then I think you said for individual people you help them find balance and things? Like what do you do for individuals? Because I know you also said you do some things at a distance as well. Kate: Yeah, so whether it's distance or whether people are there, I'll connect with them and I'll allow Spirit and ancestors again to work through me. I use my drum, rattle, feathers, anything. I always ask if the person's comfortable with it. Yeah, and then I use the vibe to kind of realign, as everything's made of vibration. The intention is to realign those things, on any level that person wants to work.Me: OK. So do people normally come to you...yeah I would imagine people would come to you with a really specific problem, right? Can it be any kind of problem? Like, I don't know, like everything from physical problems like physical ailments to maybe emotional problems or mental problems? Kate: Yeah, definitely.Me: So a bit of everything. Super! OKKate: The most common tends to be physical or emotional, but actually you find out that they're all interlinked so you just follow that path until...Me: Yeah, I know what you mean. Training for the Celtic sweat lodgeMe: So do you run sweat lodges? Do you use that tool in your work at all?Kate: I'm not running them yet, I'm gonna do another 2 years learning the Celtic lodge.Me: So how long does it take then to train to learn the Celtic sweat lodges?Kate: Well, I'm taking three years to do it.Me: Three years, OK. Is that your choice to do it over a longer period?Kate: Yeah, I know that you can learn the practicalities in a couple of weekends, but to have the experience of actually supporting people through that process...Me: Oh yeah, that's the biggest bit, yeah.Kate: It's a very different ballgame.My own experience in a sweat lodgeMe: Yeah, of course, cause I know, I mean I know for me that when I did a sweat lodge, yeah it was years ago now. And at the time I was...I was a total mess!And so when it got really, really hot, I could feel that kind of...how can I describe it? It was kind of like as if there was a well at the bottom of my being that was filled with all these like dark stuff. You know, fears and things like that that never got to come up to the surface, you know? That never got acknowledged.Just like really primal stuff, you know, almost as if you could tap into your most primal fears because there was no cultural barrier. There was no mental barrier, you know.You were just so hot that your mind...I mean for me my mind almost just left my body really because it was just so hot. And I thought that was...that was quite an amazing experience.I mean for me I was like wow! It was scary but it was also really cool and I can imagine that for some people... I mean, I like to think that I'm a pretty strong cookie but I imagine it would be scary for people to come to grips with what they find and to have to kind of, yeah, deal with that. I mean if they uncover something they didn't know about themselves before, maybe something that's super scary, then yeah I would imagine you have to have the tools to deal with that, right?Kate: That's right, yeah. You've got to be able to support people after they've kind of gone through the sweat lodge process. Like you say, sometimes people are left with things that they need to kind of then kind of speak through or go into a bit more.Me: Wow, yeah. But I'd definitely say better out than in, right? All that stuff.Where to find KateKate thank you so much for coming on to share your story. There's a friend of mine that also mentioned that when you hold any kind of retreat or workshop or any kind of event in nature, she said just ask the spirits there for permission so you're on their terrain as it were. So that's a really good example of what can happen if you don't, right? I'll have to tell her about it. Well, I'll have to get her to listen to the episode.But thank you so much for sharing that, I really appreciate it and I'll link to everything that you do below, but do you just want to say where... Where can people find you? What's the easiest way to find you?Kate: Yeah, it's easiest to find me on Facebook at the moment because I'm still working on my website but that's at kfheartwisdom.Me: Super! OK. I'll put the link to your site as well. Is it katefisher.co.uk? Is that right?Kate: Yeah.Me: Thank you so much, I really appreciate it, and I think I'm going to dive into our food tip.Foods to feel groundedAnd it's really funny that there was all this stuff about stamping on the ground and everything because...I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I would share one of the best foods to feel grounded. And first I do want to kind of emphasize what I mean when we say grounded.When we feel grounded, we feel more connected to the earth. Now this might sound airy-fairy, but it's actually really important. So you can think of feeling grounded as the opposite of scatterbrained. In other words, instead of feeling confused, all over the place, not knowing what to do, when you're grounded you actually have a clarity of purpose. It enables you to not only get things done but to know what those things actually are that you need to do for your own happiness.And believe me, this is really, really important. I speak from very personal experience. The other way that you can think of being grounded is eating foods to feel grounded. It's kind of like getting the benefits of comfort food without gaining weight, if that makes sense. You do get that, yeah, that sense of comfort from these particular foods, but you're eating good food, you know? Rather than junk.And for those of you who want to do some of your own shamanic journeys as Kate did, this particular food that I'm going to talk about can help you stay connected to this world too.So although there are many foods to feel grounded, the ones that I want to mention here, or the one specific one is...squash!Benefits of squashAnd when I say squash, this actually covers a variety of vegetables: so you've got spaghetti squash, summer squash, zucchini, marrow and pumpkin. Those are all types of squash. Gourds as well, those are squash.Squash is one of the oldest foods around – it's been cultivated for at least 10,000 years, and it may look kind of ordinary, but it has a lot of health benefits.Now you may not know this, but squash is listed as anti-fungal, antibacterial and anti-inflammatory! It contains vitamin A, several B vitamins, folates, magnesium, potassium, iron, copper, zinc, manganese, calcium, and beta carotene among other antioxidants.So it's insanely good for a whole host of things, including managing our blood sugar, keeping our lungs healthy, helping keep our eyes sharp and strong, having strong bones, and reducing the risks of many diseases including lung cancer, emphysema and glaucoma, and that's just to name a few.Squash has many other benefits and I'll link to an article in the show notes if you'd like to read more about it.Now however before you decide to start eating bushels of squash, I do have to warn you about one thing. Squash is very good at lowering blood pressure, and if you have low blood pressure already, squash could lower it even further. So if that's you, best to eat other veggies instead. Fortunately there are lots of other alternatives that I do mention in other podcast episodes!How you eat squashNow as to how you eat squash, well there are so many ways to eat it! Most people puree it and make pancakes, or they slice it and fry it. My favorite way to eat it – and if you know me you'll know what that is – it's to spiralize it! I'll link to an article in the show notes where I show you how to do just that. You can make great pasta using squash, and you don't even have to boil it. Plus it's naturally gluten-free, so everyone can eat it!I've also got some delicious recipes that use squash in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that I'll link to as well.So I hope you've enjoyed our story this week!Have YOU got a story to share?And if you've got a crazy, true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your particular situation), I'd love to hear from you! Email me at barbara@rockingrawchef.comIf you enjoy my stories and want to hear more, join us and subscribe! I share one amazing, true story a week. And if you've got any questions, just pop them in the comments! And if you're listening on iTunes, do give me a review, that would be awesome.I hope you have an amazing day, thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESHow to spiralize veggies: http://rockingrawchef.com/what-is-a-spiralizer-and-what-can-it-do-for-me/5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/Foods to feel grounded: https://www.sarahpetrunoshamanism.com/blog/12-foods-for-feeling-grounded/Benefits of squash: https://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/fruit/squash.htmlKate's bioKate has studied many esoteric and spiritual practices to a basic level from an early age (13). When her Saturn return began (age 28), Kate moved abroad to study different healing techniques with healers and shaman of Philippines and Peru. She learnt that to know and embrace all parts of yourself is where true healing happens. With a holistic attitude to life and endeavouring to approach life from the heart, Kate believes that all aspects of the self - mind, body and spirit - play a part in the health of the person. Finding balance in all these aspects, we can live to our full potential.Kate's website: http://katefisher.co.ukKate on Facebook, YouTube​

Corrina's journey from dating guys to finding a wife...thanks to travel sickness! And of course the best food to help with travel sickness (in case you've already found your partner...)In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best food for travel sickness (in case you've already found your wife or partner).OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story.Our guest, Corrina Gordon-BarnesI am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Corrina Gordon-Barnes. Corrina is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships.So Corrina, welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really excited to have you here today!Corrina: Thank you so much for inviting me to connect with you.Me: Oh well you're so welcome! I love your story and I really can't wait for us to share it with everybody.Corrina's story, starting with being boy madMe: Without further ado, the first question I wanted to ask you...and I've said a little bit about what you do now, but when you were small, or younger, how did you see your dream relationship one day? Did you have princess dreams or did you have a particular type of partner in mind before you actually met your life partner?Corrina: Well, I was boy mad.Me: Boy mad!Corrina: Boy mad, like going through my primary school years, I remember that I was the one in my class who learned about sex really early.I was the one who would get all these teenage magazines, even as a late primary school age kid, and I would be teaching my friends at school. “You can get pregnant the first time you have sex” and “be careful with your boyfriend”.Me: Oh my god!A relationship expert...in primary schoolCorrina: I was like this relationship expert, even at that age I was teaching my friends. Like “these are all the myths, don't do this, do this” and so I was kind of boy mad, I was relationship mad, and getting into my teens I remember with my friends we would literally kind of go out prowling the streets. We would walk along the high street in my town where I lived and we would be looking for boys and we would be kind of flirting and coy. There was always some boy that I had my eye on. Always some guy who had my attention, I would try and make sure I was in the same place as him so that he would see me...Me: Sounds familiar, yeah.So I was definitely, I definitely wanted boys. That was very clear to me.Me: And you got engaged to a boy at one stage, right?Corrina: Yeah, so I had one really long term relationship before I met who is now my partner, and we got engaged at age 17.Me: Wow!We were gonna get married and we were gonna have all these babies and we were gonna live in this particular kind of house and have this life... That was the path that I thought I was on at that age.Me: So then what happened to take you off that path?The path to self-discoveryCorrina: Well that relationship was not the right one, and so that ended 4 years later and I stayed then single for quite a while. You know, I was really wanting to find myself.So I went on this whole spiritual, personal growth journey. I read every book I could get, I did meditation, I went vegan... It had this whole kind of personal growth change in my life.Me: What do you think prompted that? Was it the end of that relationship that prompted that? I mean, what were your thoughts? Were you just like 'Oh I think I need to take care of myself more' or become a different person, or...?Corrina: I was in Australia and I was just there travelling for a year. And I met this guy – surprisingly enough – in a cafe, and he just said “Hey I go to this meditation course down the road, why don't you come along”.And so I went and that very first moment, that very first time in the room with that meditation teacher, she told me that I was a spiritual being. She said to me – to the whole group but I really heard this - “You are a spirit soul having this human experience, but you are a spiritual being”.And it was like someone had just told me who I was. Like “oh my gosh, that's who I am, this human life is how I get to journey and explore and have an adventure, but I'm a spiritual being”.The layers (or the clothes) fall awayMe: So did you have that as like an inner knowing, or how did you experience it? Because people experience those things in different ways, right? Some people experience a physical sensation of light, other people experience it as just an inner sense of knowing...Corrina: It was like all my clothes fell off.Me: (laughs) Um...I haven't heard that one before!Corrina: It was like this casing, this casing just fell off. I literally woke up the next morning and I was vegan, I went from a complete meat eater to being vegan overnight just like that, and I was just on this journey then to just explore and discover myself and get back to the essential nature of my being.It was like everything that wasn't true about me just kind of fell away over the coming months.Me: Wow. That's very cool!Corrina: Yeah, it was pretty cool. I felt much lighter, it was like clothes coming off. I was just light. I was much, much lighter, much more energized, much freer, much more joyful.Me: It's interesting that you say that for you, all your clothes coming off, like some people might associate that with being exposed, right? Being vulnerable. And for you, you associate that with being light. So that's really interesting.Corrina: And just free. I remember in Australia, those kind of days, weeks after that moment, it was like I was floating along the streets. I was so free, I was feeling so connected with people, like I had just woken up.On to Cambridge University...and a fated bus tripMe: Yeah. Wow! And so how did you get from there to Cambridge University?Corrina: Yeah, so I decided that I wanted to do teacher training so I came to Cambridge University and signed up for the English and Drama teacher training course here. And on that very first day in class, I was sat next to this woman called Sam. There was something about her that just immediately kind of, like something just...a light bulb went off or something just happened. It was like 'Huh, she's just come on my radar really strongly, why am I paying attention to her so much?'So she was really in my awareness and we were both in the same school together so we were both placed to do our teacher practice in the same school. And on the first day of teaching practice, I got onto the bus that would take us to our practice school and I got on and she was sitting in the front seat. Now I always need to sit in the front seat in a bus because I get travel sick. So I just went over to her...I'd already clocked her as someone who was on my radar, and I just said “Oh, are you OK if I join you in the front seat?” And she said “Yeah sure, I have to sit here because I get travel sick” and I said “Oh me too!”So we sat side by side and over the months to come we became best friends. Just absolutely clicked, became best friends, incredible support through the whole teaching practice.A brave declarationMe: And was there any like physical attraction at that stage? Or did that come later?Corrina: Immediately! Immediately, I was like 'Huh! What is this woman doing to me? What this? What is happening here? I just feel energized around her, she lights me up, I feel excited, I feel like the world is just kind of shinier...'Me: Wow!Corrina: Everything just felt brighter and more energized.Me: It sounds like a good, a good...I don't know, I mean, I've never like taken acid or anything but (laughs) it sounds like, you know, a positive drug experience without the drugs, right?Corrina: (laughs) Totally! Totally, a kind of 'switch-on, turn-on, I'm awake, I'm alive, oh my gosh, who are you' kind of thing.Me: Was it the same for her as well?Corrina: Well what was so funny was that over the months that then came, was that I basically told her (laughs). I just said “Basically I've realized that I'm just completely in love with you. Do you feel that too?”Me: Wow! That was so brave of you cause you were friends at that stage, right? Like best friends, you don't want to wreck your relationship with your best friend by taking the risk but you did!Corrina: I just did! And that's kind of, you know, the kind of continuity of the whole spiritual journey for me of just like I'm free. You know, I'm free. If I feel this thing, I have to follow my heart. I have to just blurt out like “I'm in love with you, I don't know if you feel the same way”. And to start out with, it wasn't something that she let herself feel straight away.Determined and keeping faithMe: So what did she say when you said this? When you blurted this out?Corrina: She said “You know, I feel really connected with you, I love you a lot as a friend, but it's not romantic for me”.Me: And how did that make you feel?Corrina: Oh, heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken. But also there was something... it was almost like inside I was going 'You just wait!' (laughs) 'You just wait. I know that you're the one for me, I'll just be patient, I'll just hang on'.Me: Oh wow! Other people though could have had quite a different reaction, right? I mean some people might have, I imagine anyway, some people might have just, you know, stayed in the heartbroken phase and then just walked away, right? And lost it.Corrina: No, I believed, I really had faith that this... There was a reason I was feeling this way, I couldn't ignore it, I couldn't shake it, I just kept believing in it and stayed consistently just loving her and being a good friend in the months where... You know, it took 3 months basically of us staying friends and me just loving her, and loving her, and loving her. And then just after Christmas we got together as a couple.And just before Christmas...Me: And what happened? So how did that happen? Like you're friends, it's been like you know 3 months, she knows how you feel, did she just all of a sudden like make a move? Or did she say something to you?Corrina: Well, I made the move. Again.Me: (laughs) Oh my god! So it's like 'OK I've already been kind of rejected once, let me have another go'. Right?Corrina: Exactly! (laughs) Or a few gos! So there was that initial conversation and then there was another conversation where I basically said – this was just before Christmas – I basically said “Are you sure?”Me: Oh my god!Corrina: “I still feel this thing...” and she again was like “No really, we're just friends”. So that was the second time and then third time lucky! I just made a move and I thought 'You know what? I'm just gonna take a risk again, I'm just gonna be bold. What's the worst that can happen? Rejection, right? What's the best that can happen? I can be with the love of my life'.Me: Oh my god – yeah but that was still just so...Right, OK. That was still just so brave. Once is already like super brave, right? Braver than most people. Twice is like oh my god, you know, three times you start to think OK, hmmm...Corrina: Yeah, and it worked! (laughs) Third time lucky and it was just after Christmas and that was now 13 years ago – 14 years ago.What was she thinking?Me: And so what did she, like...You made the move and what did she then say? Was she like 'oh I didn't know until you touched me' or was she like 'oh I realized it at the same time as you' or was she...Corrina: I think it was less of a thought thing. It was just, you know, when it happened then it just felt right. Like 'oh this is where I was meant to be, OK, got it'.Me: And that's what she felt too? Was that how she verbalised it to you?Corrina: Well and to give her credit here, so she's gay and I'm bi, right? So for a gay woman, if a bisexual woman says 'I'm in love with you', there's gonna be a sense of 'hmm, OK maybe you're just trying this out, maybe actually this is just a kind of short-term thing for you and really you're gonna want to be with guys'Me: Yeah, I've heard that, yeah.Corrina: So it's a real credit for her that for those months she was, you know, guarding her heart for that, because you don't know what's gonna happen, if that person declaring their love for you is gonna be constant. So I had to kind of prove that actually I meant it. When I said I loved her, I meant it and I was gonna be in it for the long haul.Me: So do you think that a part of her was not testing you, but kind of like unconsciously perhaps waiting? You know?Corrina: Yeah.Me: Oh OK, that makes a lot more sense. Cause in my mind I was imagining somebody who, you know, was neither gay nor bi and who maybe had, I don't know, only gone out with guys or something and so then for somebody like that it would be much more of a 180, right?Corrina: Yeah, no she's gay through and through.Me: Well, fortunately for you as it turns out, right? (laughs)How relevant is gender, anyway?Corrina: Well that's the thing for me as a bisexual woman. For me it's not about the fact that I like men and women, it's the fact that I like people and the gender is just irrelevant.And that's kind of part of what happened in that spiritual awakening moment in Australia. It was like all of the coverings, you know, whether it's our bodies or our personalities or any of that is kind of what covers the essence of us. And actually for me the essence of someone doesn't have a gender. So I fell in love with her like I might have thought or indeed fell in love with guys in the past because I just fall in love with the person, you know, that essence of the human beings behind all the trappings.Me: That's amazing because I feel the same way. It's kind of weird how that works, right? It's kind of like yeah, you feel the essence of the person. I mean I even had one guy say to me – this was like in a totally different context and we did not get together in the end but I do remember him saying to me at one point, I mean he wasn't the right person for me but he was kind of freaked out at one stage. Because he was like “It's like you want my soul!” and I was saying “It's not that I want your soul, it's that I see it!” I believe that I see it, right?And I think that you know, some people... I mean, credit to Sam as well because she's obviously a really strong person too in that, you know, some people would be freaked out by that, right? Some people would be like 'oh well...it's the real me here that's being...I don't know if I want to say exposed but seen, right? Some people...we use those trappings to cover stuff up, right? As we all know, so...That brings a level of intimacy that's probably quite cool I would imagine, right?Corrina: Yeah, and you know, don't get me wrong, I love that she's a woman as well. I love her long hair and her soft skin and her blue eyes, all the things that make her a woman as well I love. So it's not like I don't see those things, but that was never gonna be a filter, like I would only go for...The spectrum of sexualityMe: Yeah. I mean it's really interesting because I...for me, I'm sure, I would imagine perhaps for you as well, I see the whole homosexual/heterosexual thing as this big spectrum and I have a really good friend who...Well I do playback theater and one of my friends, she's in a playback theater troupe where they're all either bi or gay or whatever, and then we did a workshop at one point. They were inviting guest playbackers to go. And one of the exercises they did that was...I just thought it was really cool. They said 'put yourself...if stage left is like totally 100 percent gay and stage right is totally 100 percent heterosexual, put yourself on the spectrum, place yourself physically where you think you are'. And it was really cool to see people, you know, all along the stage, all at different points. I just thought that was very normal, right? Because we're all...for me, anyway, in my mind we're all spiritual beings and so as you say, there's no gender there, right?Corrina: And for some people there are. You know, that's the thing, people who are that kind of 100 percent on the spectrum, brilliant, they're really clear that they only want people of the opposite or the same sex. Yes, spectrum is beautiful.What Corrina does nowMe: Yeah, wow! So now I really want to know more then about how... (laughs)...how you went from, well, what you do now to help people with their relationships. Because obviously you have a lot more knowledge than when you were in primary school and I know you're helping people with a lot more than how to not get unwanted pregnancies and things! (laughs)Corrina: (laughs) Absolutely!Me: So what do you do now with people and how do you help them have these beautiful, deep relationships?Corrina: Yeah, and my work is around all relationships that are important. So it's...my clients, some of them it's really about their partner relationship but for others it's about their relationship with their mom or their daughter or their brother.For me, connection...it's a kind of cliche but connection is what we're hard wired for. We as human beings love to connect, we love to love people with our full hearts. But there are so many things that stop that from happening within us. We get resentful, we get frustrated, we get disappointed, we feel let down, we feel indignant, all of this.And I over the course of my own personal journey have found a very, very miraculous way of dealing with all those blocks. So it's the process of questioning your thoughts, questioning your stories, that block connection.An example of our made-up storiesSo let's say I'm with Sam and let's say she's saying something that sounds critical. My story in my head goes, 'she's criticizing me, she doesn't love me, she's being mean to me'. You know, 'I want her to be kind, I want her not to point out my flaws', all of that. That is all story. It's all mental. It's all...Me: Yes! It's all made up.Corrina: It's all made up! And we don't realize it, we think, 'no but this is true, she's criticizing me, this is what's happening'. And so what I am so blessed to have come into contact with a number of years ago is the process of questioning those thoughts. Just sitting with those thoughts and asking them, 'Is this true? Is this accurate, is this the correct interpretation of what's going on?' Not just is it true that that's what's going on, but is it true that I would be better off if it were happening differently?Me: OK...Corrina: Like am I sure? So let's say your loved one is truly critizing you. They're saying to you “you're a stupid, ugly, whatever, whatever”. Can I be sure that my happiness depends on them not saying that? Can I be sure that I can only feel good about myself and peaceful if they stop doing that? Because it sets up a very limited version of life if I'm always waiting for someone else to give me something, to give me what I think I need in order to be peaceful and happy. It's like I delay my peace and my happiness until other people and other circumstances arrange themselves in just the right way.Our rules...and our scriptsMe: Yeah, it's like our rules, right? Where we all have these rules about what has to happen for us to be happy and the more...the easier it is to be happy, then the happier we are, right?Corrina: Exactly, exactly. I talk about our scripts. It's like, I realized pretty early on with Sam that I had a script, that if she followed this script and she said and she did exactly what I, you know, expected her to do then I would feel happy, but if she went off script then I wouldn't be happy, I'd be pissed off. She really helped me see this, she said to me one day “Why don't you just give me your fucking script Corrina! Give me your script, tell me what I need to do”. And I was like “How dare you! This is just what you're meant to do, you're my wife, this is how you're meant to treat me”. Then it kind of dawned on me a few days later, like 'oh my gosh, my script is the source of all of my unhappiness. Every moment that I want her to be doing something other than what's reality, I am causing my own unhappiness'.Corrina's 'big work'Me: Right. So then your relationship was, I guess, far from...I don't want to say far from idyllic, but you had to work through some of this stuff in your relationship with Sam?Corrina: One hundred percent. I wouldn't be doing this work if I hadn't had to...if this hadn't been my big work. You know, so yes like I was completely besotted with her in the beginning, and we got together and it was blissful, and then all my stories started to kick in. 'Hmmm, well she's not this' and 'hmmm, she said that and that's not OK' and 'would I be better off with someone who did this' and you know, all those stories eroded what I had imagined would be this perfect relationship. So it's like I had to work on that, I had to take those stories and stop those stories from sabotaging this beautiful relationship that we had underneath all those stories.Me: Yeah. It's good that you managed to do that, thank goodness, right?Corrina: I mean, it saved my marriage. It saved my relationship.A daily practiceMe: And did it take a long time?Corrina: Yeah, it's a daily practice. It really is a daily practice, it's like if you want to be fit, like you've done today (laughs), you go to the gym, you go for a run, you do your yoga. You don't just be like 'oh I'll do it one time and then it's done'. If you want a healthy, thriving, fit relationship with anybody, whether it's your son or your dad or your sister, there's daily practice to do. There's daily work to do every time you get triggered, every time something gets in the way of you being totally, wholeheartedly connected with the human being in front of you, you've got something to look at there.Me: Yeah, but at least you can...I mean, what am I trying to say, there comes a time when you catch yourself, right? At least, you know, having done a certain amount of work, then you can get to the point where you see what's happening, right? As an observer almost and you can go 'OK hang on, I'm doing this again, this is my script'. Whereas at the beginning, you know, when people aren't even aware of their scripts, I imagine it takes them a little bit... well it depends on the person I guess, right? How much time it would take them to start to see and to start to implement I guess the tools that you give them, right?Corrina: Absolutely, yes, you're completely spot on.When you get triggeredAnd you know, now I'm at the point where I get triggered and it could be like anything, right? It could be I'm on Facebook and I see a message from someone and I feel like 'oh they should have, you know, complimented me rather than give me negative feedback on something'. Right? Instantly, 'oh! OK, there's a trigger! A button's gotten pushed'. And now I'm at the point where I'm like 'Oooh, good, what's here for me?'Me: I do the same thing, that's really funny! Yeah, I had something that happened the other day that made me so angry and then I'm like 'OK if this is making me this angry and, you know, the other 30 people in the room are not angry, they actually think it's quite cute...' (laughs)We all get triggered, even by 8-year old authorsI'll tell you what it was, it was quite funny. I was at this day workshop with an amazing speaker and there was this little girl, she's like 8 years old and she's written a book. Actually she's written 3 books, right?Corrina: Wow!Me: And it made me so annoyed! And I just thought...you know, not only envious, obviously envious, you know, 3 books at age 8, but also annoyed because, you know, her mom was there and I knew what it was. It brought up all the old scripts of, you know, stage mothers because I did theater before and so I had a good friend who had a stage mother who was just absolutely unbearable whereas, you know, my mom was the opposite.So I see what you mean, you get these reactions, right, that are completely irrational because the people around me were applauding her and they were like 'oh isn't that wonderful' and I was like inside going 'this is making me so angry!' But we all get triggered, don't we, right?Examples of tiny triggersCorrina: Oh, everyone. And it could be like the tiniest thing, that's what I always find fascinating. It could be just one line in an email. Or it could be just the way that your partner, you know, turns over in their sleep, just the tiniest little things. Often my clients say to me “Oh, you know, I can't bring this to you today, it's just so small” and I'm like “No, no, that's exactly what to bring!”. The fact that he put tofu in the stir fry rather than kidney beans, you know. There was something, there was some offense against you. So there you are with that 8 year old girl, that offense that she's committing against you in that moment that's kind of violating something is like, you know, 'she's further ahead than me' or 'she's achieved one of my life goals' or, you know...Me: Yeah, and she's 8 and I'm 55!Corrina: And she's 8! It's just to be so compassionate with ourselves that 'oh look, there's this part of me that feels in some way threatened or violated or hurt by this, let me just so lovingly look there and heal that part of myself'.Being compassionate with yourselfMe: Ah, yeah, that's a really key point there that you brought up so I just wanted to emphasize it, yeah. That being compassionate with that part of ourselves, right? Rather than being like, OK, you know, with that kind of...what's the word, forced smile on our faces, going 'Ah, another beautiful part of me to transform', you know (laughs), right? Right? And we can be quite hard on ourselves with that, right, and be like 'OK what's at the bottom of this!' and take a kind of like pickaxe to it. At least that's what I would do or could do rather than choosing to as you say, acknowledge with love that part of ourselves and treat it as part of, you know, part of the inner child or whatever you want to call it, that needs love and compassion. That's a really interesting point that we don't want to forget. Wow! That's very cool.How to work with CorrinaSo when you work with people, I would love to hear just a bit more about what the different ways are that you...Do people come to see you in an office, or do you do things online, or how does that work?Corrina: Yes, so right now it's one to one. There's a potential of me offering something else in the kind of group workshop, retreat way, but not for now. What I do is I do free videos, everyone can just watch a free video every week, all about relationship hotspots and how to move past them, and then if people feel inspired and really like they're wanting that support, they can have the one to one coaching. And for now that is by Skype or by phone, and I'm just starting to also offer that in person as well for people who I'm unable to physically meet with.Me: Yeah. That's really fantastic, well thank you so much. What I'll do is, I'll link to everything that you do in the show notes but where's the best place for people to look online to find out more about what you're doing and more about you and to get access to the videos and things?An online video library...and a 7 Day Relationship ChallengeCorrina: Yeah, so if they go to corrinagordonbarnes.com, I'll just spell that out, and if you go to the blog page that's where I've got all the videos and articles that have happened so far. So that's a really good place just to go, it's like settling into a library of relationship wisdom and gems, just settling in and watching some of the videos and just seeing if the approach makes sense to you.The right people for this work are people who watch a video and go 'oh my gosh, that makes so much sense!' And they apply that tip that I'm sharing and they come back and they say “Wow I had this incredible experience with my mom! Because I did the thing that you...” I do like challenges in the video so they're like “I did the challenge that you set and I had a completely different experience with my mom this week, thank you!”Me: That's brilliant!Corrina: It's so good, it's so satisfying. So on the blog page that's where people can look at all the videos so far. And on the homepage people can sign up for the free 7 Day Relationship Challenge.7 days to feel more connectedMe: That sounds intriguing for sure!Corrina: Yes! It's 7 days to feel more connected, that's the overarching focus. How can you feel more connected? That beautiful feeling of just wholehearted connection with the person in front of you, and I give a number of challenges that you can actually implement to help you feel that way.Me: That is really fantastic! Well, I mean yeah, because as you say, we're all starving for connection and I mean, we could do a whole episode just about the different ways people connect, right? Through food and smoking and alcohol, and, you know, apart from people, right?Corrina: Facebook!Me: Facebook! There's so many...it's a massive, massive topic but...so I wish we had more time! But thank you so much for being here to share your story, because I love your story and I love your journey and I really, really love what you're doing right now, so I'm really grateful that you took the time to share that with us, so thank you so much!Corrina: You're very welcome, thank you so much!A food to help with travel sicknessSo now I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you one of the best foods you can eat for help with travel sickness. And I think it will come as no surprise for most of you anyway to hear that that food is...ginger!Ginger has so many benefits it's ridiculous. Not only can it help with travel sickness, but it's also beneficial for other causes of nausea, like morning sickness, and it can help with pain relief as well.Why ginger is so helpfulSo this powerful little root contains loads of antioxidant and antiinflammatory compounds, including curcumin and capsaicin which are also found in turmeric which is another superfood. They're part of the same plant family, turmeric, ginger and cardamom.Ginger also contains a ton of vitamins and minerals, including calcium, potassium, magnesium, phosphorus, niacin, iron, zinc and folate. A big list, right?And ginger is a great way to warm us up, because it's a diaphoretic (that was my new word for today), which means that it heats the body from the inside out. So if you live in a cold climate for example, ginger can literally help warm you up inside. It also helps promote sweating, which is why it's so good to have ginger tea if you've got a cold and you need to sweat out some toxins.Ginger even helps with pain reliefBut did you know that ginger can also help with pain relief? Two examples are exercise-induced muscle pain (so if you work out, eat some ginger), as well as menstrual cramps. So the next time you're feeling crampy (I don't know if that's a word but I've just decided it is!), make yourself some strong ginger tea and see how you feel.Ginger can also help reduce inflammation, so scientists are looking to see if it can help with cancer, and particularly colon cancer. Ginger also is showing promise for helping treat that as well as inflammation caused by osteoarthritis.I'll link to an article in the show notes that has more information about ginger's many properties and benefits, it also includes links to the actual research in case you'd like to know more about that. And in addition I'll link to an article that has some overall tips for avoiding travel sickness, including using ginger.So how do you eat ginger?If you're feeling nauseous and you want instant relief, well, you can definitely try peeling the root and gnawing on a piece...although I haven't done that myself. Ginger's pretty strong stuff.What I do is I usually juice a small piece of ginger with some carrots and apples for a really zinging morning juice. It tastes really, really good. Or you can pop a piece into your blender with other veggies and maybe some fruit for a green smoothie or a soup to give it a bit of a zing. It also helps you use less salt because it's got a really strong flavor.Other people prefer to slice a few pieces into some very hot water and let it steep for a while with a slice or two of lemon to make ginger tea.And you can also grate ginger into soups, curries and other savory dishes. Or even just chop it finely and use it in stir-frys.I'll link in the show notes to some recipes that I've got in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that use ginger too, such as my Green Thai Curry.One thing for sure that I definitely recommend is that you use fresh ginger root wherever possible, rather than powdered ginger or capsules. I say that because the fresh vegetable is so easy to use and it's always best I think to have the actual vegetable rather than some dried out version in a plastic capsule. But then again if capsules are all you have access to, better that than no ginger!If you do try something new with ginger, definitely share in the comments because I want to know!Have YOU got a story to share?Which brings us to the end of this week's story – and if you've got a true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you!Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESLink to 5-Minute Mains and other recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/Article with nutritional information on ginger as well as links to scientific studies: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/265990.phpArticle with general tips to help with travel sickness: http://mentalfloss.com/article/78131/9-scientifically-proven-ways-prevent-motion-sicknessCorrina Gordon-Barnes is a Relationship Coach who’s committed to a world of happy couples and happy families. She teaches her clients how to be really good at relationships – how to love full-heartedly, let go of resentments, forgive, accept and live from power not victimhood. She lives in Cambridge, England with her wife, Sam.Corrina's website: http://corrinagordonbarnes.com Corrina's Feel More Connected: a FREE 7-day Relationship ChallengeCorrina on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube

Sohini's discovery of a young boy and his amazing story, and how he inspired her to leave an upscale London legal firm to become a solicitor who helps change lives, one drop at a time. Plus one of the best foods to help fight overwhelm.In addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you the best food to help fight overwhelm, because our guest today went through something that was pretty emotionally intense.Our guest, Sohinipreet AlgWhich brings me to say that I am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Sohinipreet Alg. Sohini is a solicitor – a lawyer – who has an incredible story for us about how she left what could have been a very financially lucrative career to take a very different direction as a solicitor, all because of a young boy. She is compassionate, determined and very caring, as you will hear. So Sohini welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really happy to have you here today!Sohini: Thank you for having me Barbara, I'm excited to be here.Sohini's storyMe: Super! So Sohini, why don't you start by telling us what kind of work you were doing before you met this young boy, when you first got started as a solicitor?Sohini: OK well I think that was quite early on in my training contract, so I was doing various areas of law at that point. I hadn't finalized what I wanted to do, which area I wanted to go into. Immigration was actually not something that I wanted to go into, but as you'll see I kind of just fell into that.My main area of interest was kind of a corporate, commercial area of law, so I was mainly concentrating on that.Me: And is there any reason why you were concentrating on that to start with?Sohini: You have to do a few seats in your training before you qualify. So they gave me a commercial seat, and an immigration seat, and also a housing and litigation seat.Me: What's a seat? Is that just like a temporary post, or something?Sohini: It's about 6 months, 6-8 months of training in each area over a period of two years, and then at the end of the training you kind of naturally go into one of those areas and specialize in that.Going for the moneyMe: OK. So then your story I guess would begin... How did you find the corporate seat, first of all? Did you do that one first?Sohini: I did, and I really enjoyed that. It was something that I thought I'd like to go into just purely because of the financial side of it I think. A lot of people obviously end up going into law or anything similar thinking “oh yeah, the money”! So I think I was probably quite similar in that way.I didn't have a real interest in law in that sense, I did a History and Latin degree so completely different to law. But I didn't know what I would do with my history and Latin degree, so I thought 'the corporate and commercial side of it's gonna make a lot of money so let's try and do that!'Very long hoursSo first I went into a firm which had quite a strong corporate field and that was the first seat that was given. And I enjoyed that, it was very cutthroat, very long hours.Me: That's what I was going to ask, yeah, I mean, what was the atmosphere like? What kind of hours were you working?Sohini: Well it would easily be...you'd start at eight o'clock and you'd be finishing at maybe ten or eleven o'clock at night.Me: Wow! And was that normal even for people that were...once they'd finished their training?Sohini: Absolutely, people would just continue into the early hours of the morning if necessary. So if you're working on a deal, if you're working for an organisation or a company, they expect you to be at their beck and call so you'd be available 24/7 really. Me: Wow!Sohini: It wasn't actually too bad compared with some of my seniors. So yeah, it's pretty difficult.Me: But you enjoyed it!Sohini: I enjoyed it, well not as much as I actually then enjoyed other areas as you'll see but especially because I thought that was what I wanted to do and that was what was going to make me money. So that's what I was seeing more than anything else.Me: And you did 6 months there and then what happened? Then was it the immigration seat?Defending the homelessSohini: No, then I went to do a public law and housing seat. So it was kind of...I was dealing with local authorities, dealing with a lot of homeless people, dealing with landlord/tenant issues, nuisance, etc. It was a completely different seat, it was more personable, more client contact. That was quite nice actually, I enjoyed it. There was a lot of appearing in courts etc and assisting barristers and solicitors.Me: Were you assisting...I mean I just want to get an idea because I know nothing about law. So were you assisting...for example with the homeless people, were you assisting the homeless people? Or...I mean to me I kind of see it always as two sides, right? There's the side of the homeless person and what they want and the side of the, I don't know, the council and what they want.Sohini: I was working primarily for the individual so it would be for example the homeless person. So I wasn't working for the local authority, I was working for the individual in that situation.Legal AidMe: And how did they...so was that pro bono? Like how did you get paid?Sohini: Yeah, well it's Legal Aid, so our firm also had a Legal Aid contract with the government as well. So if you aren't able to pay and you can prove your financial situation, you do get free access to legal care.Me: Wow!Sohini: The government paid for it. We just had to basically at the end of the case prove that we'd put in x number of hours and this person wasn't able to pay privately and so we were paid accordingly from the government.Me: With the homeless people, what kind of things would you help them do? Did you help them get housing then?Sohini: Exactly. So it would be where they were refused temporary housing and they could prove they were homeless, there was criteria that they had to follow. Sometimes it's pretty difficult to prove everything. Or it was just that they had temporary accommodation but they got kicked out of the accommodation because they'd spent too long in the accommodation etc. Basically it was just trying to get them housing when they deserved the housing and the local authority wasn't giving it.On into the world of immigration...dragging her feetMe: Wow, OK. And then from there you went to immigration, I guess?Sohini: Yes, my final seat was immigration and that was the seat that I really didn't want to go into.Me: And why not? What were your thoughts about it before you went into it?Sohini: I think it was just...Well, I didn't think there was much money in that area also, and I was also concerned because it's a very fast-paced, very rapidly moving area of law and I wasn't sure I'd be able to get to grips with. It's an area that you need to just keep retraining and keep on top of it because the immigration rules change that quickly. And there are so many...there's a variety of countries that people can come into the UK from, and there are different rules according to where you might be applying from. So it was just such a difficult area, that's just what I thought, it wasn't something that I wanted to move to naturally.Me: Right, so then you started going into it not really wanting to do it, and then what happened?Discovering new aspects of herselfSohini: Yeah well I think not even a couple of months into the seat, just a few weeks into the seat I quickly became very absorbed with the area actually. I was doing longer hours in immigration than I was when I was doing the commercial seat.Me: Really!Sohini: Yeah, and I think that was purely because I enjoyed it that much, and I felt that compassion that I didn't have initially, I didn't think I had in me.Me: Oh wow! That's honest!Sohini: Yeah, so it was just quite overwhelming when I joined. I mean the firm that I was with, they have an excellent track record with immigration law and it's one of the biggest departments in the UK. So we had a variety of immigration clients. We had private clients, we had Legal Aid clients, we had asylum seekers, you know it was all sorts of clients, people who were in the UK unlawfully or illegally trying to legalize their stay. There was just such a variety and listening to people's stories, finding out what their background was, why a lot of them really felt the need to live in the UK, what had happened in their past, it was amazing. Hearing the stories was just amazing. Very heartwarming and very humbling as well.Me: And so speaking of stories, this brings us to the story that you mentioned, right? That seemed to affect you the most, is that right?A young boy...under a truckSohini: Yeah, exactly. I think it was because I hadn't come across many such cases before. But it was a young boy who...and I think it was early in the evening and I was getting ready to actually leave the office. We got a call that there was a young boy who had entered the UK unclaimed. That was assumed. He couldn't speak any English and he'd come under trucks. He was kind of held on under the trucks, so the truck drivers didn't even know that they'd picked him up in Calais for example.Me: Oh wow, how was he under the truck? I think you said he was strapped? Like somebody had...Sohini: He was strapped under the truck so...Me: So somebody presumably strapped him under the truck, right? Because he came from Afghanistan, right?Sohini: I mean you'll find a lot of kind of people who help or assist asylum seekers to cross the borders in very dangerous ways. We all know about what's been happening with you know, people crossing the rivers and things like that and people go to extreme lengths and this boy was very young, you could see that straight away.Me: How old was he about do you think? Roughly?Sohini: I think he was probably about nine or ten.Me: And do you have any idea how long he was strapped under that truck?Sohini: He was strapped for quite a number of hours. So he had come from Calais, he was strapped from Calais and he came into Dover, so yeah, he risked his life.Me: At least six or seven hours, right?Sohini: Yeah, a very long time.Going to DoverMe: So what happened? They called you and they said what? Did they say “Can you come? There's a boy that's just entered the UK”?Sohini: Basically I think the lorry driver then realized when he stopped at Dover that somebody had just come over under the truck. And the boy couldn't speak much English but I believe as far as I can remember the truck driver tried to call the local authorities etc and they didn't know what to do. They called the firm I was working with because they knew that the immigration team was pretty big and we dealt with a lot of asylum cases at that time. We got a call and they asked us to come to Dover to speak to the boy and find out what it is that he wanted to do in the UK.What to do firstMe: So what was your reaction when you first saw him? Like you arrive in Dover and then you see this boy...Sohini: It was just... gosh, the fear on his face, I still remember that. It was just...he couldn't speak any English, he didn't know where he was, he'd left his family behind, didn't know what had happened to his family. He didn't know what was going to happen to him. So there was just this kind of overwhelming fear in his eyes that I still remember. That was quite upsetting.Me: What did you do at that point? Because you couldn't...I mean, you didn't have a language in common, so...Sohini: No, we had to wait for a translator, we did have somebody come to translate so that was really helpful. Then I had to sit with him, find out what was happening, why he'd come to the UK, where his family were, which country he'd travelled from, etc.Me: And so what did he tell you?A boy's harrowing storySohini: That he'd left Afghanistan because of the troubles that were happening there, that a lot of his family members had been killed...I think he had another couple of siblings who had all dispersed as well so his parents...his father had been killed, his mother said that they needed to flee. His mother couldn't leave because there were elderly people that she was looking after so she told the kids to leave and he was the only one who seemed to have made it to the UK.He didn't know what had happened en route to his siblings. So he was just terrified and he was just so worried for his family, he didn't know what happened to his siblings or his mother. But we couldn't get in contact with them, we didn't have contact details for them.Me: So I suppose he never found out, I imagine.Sohini: No, he never found out.Getting him helpMe: And then what did...you're with the boy, you're with the interpreter, you find out what happened, and then what did you do? Because presumably he has to sleep somewhere and get food, so who did all of that?Sohini: Well, he was initially put in a detention center.Me: What's a detention center?Sohini: It's basically a lot of people that come into the UK for example unlawfully or awaiting decisions, they're held in detention centers. They have specific ones where children can be held. So he was held in the detention center and that was quite distressing for him.Me: I'll bet.Sohini: My main aim was to obviously put in his asylum claim as soon as possible and try and get him in with a local authority so that they could care for him and he could get the right provisions. So that evening I still remember going back to the office and he remained in contact with me. He had access to a telephone number and he was just so scared. I tried my best to kind of prepare an application and try and get him suitable accommodation as soon as possible after meeting him.Me: Yeah, of course. Do you remember how long he had to stay in the detention center?Sohini: He was there for about a week.Psychological as well as physical help...Me: Wow. And so...oh you mentioned, I think you mentioned to me that they gave him a place to stay but then he also had mental health assessments or something like that? How does that work?Sohini: Basically we had to first of all verify his age and make sure that he was in fact a minor and wasn't an adult because we did find a lot of people who were trying to claim to be younger than they were so they'd get preferential treatment. So we had to establish and confirm his age. We also had to find out that he was OK. He'd been abused, there was a lot of violence used against him. So he had to have assessments taken. He had medical assessments to make sure that he was OK.Me: Physically OK, yeah.Sohini: Exactly. He was referred to a psychiatrist as well for mental health assessments and that all contributed, assisted his asylum claim because obviously we could prove that he wasn't lying and that he did go through the torture that he said had been inflicted on him. So that was all important to his case.No more contact...Me: Yeah. And so once you got housing for him, did you find out what happened to him later on?Sohini: He was...as far as I can remember, he was then put into a foster home I believe it was. So someone looked after him. Unfortunately we're not able to maintain contact on a personal level with a client.Me: Of course.Sohini: Which is a shame because I would have liked to, you know, find out how he's doing etc. I still do wonder, actually.Me: Of course, yeah.Sohini: Although I came across many such cases afterwards and even continue to do so right now in my professional life. But because I think that was the first one I came across, it stayed with me all these years. So yeah, I would like to know actually how he's doing, but...I'm sure he's doing well now.Me: How long ago was this then?Sohini: This was, oh gosh, about ten years ago.Me: Wow, so he'd be about twenty now.Sohini: Yeah. He would be, yeah.What Sohini decidedMe: Wow. Oh! So then...so then after, having experienced all that, what did you do next? I assume you...I mean you said that you decided that that was why you wanted to go into immigration, but what kind of thoughts were going in your head when you were thinking about making that decision as to what part of law you wanted to practice?Sohini: Well I think it really kind of hit me that I'm more inclined to work with people on a personal level and I just felt so satisfied and kind of content knowing that I had helped him in some form. He was so appreciative, you know, at the end of his asylum claim when he got asylum and he got accommodation, he got leave to remain, etc. Just the appreciation that he had, it was so, so nice to see. And that just beats any other feeling I had when I was in my commercial seat! It was absolutely something that I knew that I had to carry on doing.Me: Yeah. That was really nice that you felt that from him as well, right? Despite the...some things go beyond language barriers, don't they.Sohini: Exactly, definitely.What Sohini does now to help peopleSohini: So... what do you do now? What kinds of things are you doing now for people?Sohini: I set up roughly about three years ago my own immigration business, and I continue to do immigration. After I finished my training contract I was working in the City in London for an immigration firm, so I continued doing immigration law. I've since set up my own and I deal with all sorts of immigration matters. It is all private immigration matters, but I help applicants with discretionary leave, asylum seekers have asked for my help, I help private clients with work visas and I help a lot of organizations with their tier 4 visas etc. So I do a cross-section of immigration and applications just now.Me: OK. Wow. And so how can people find you if they want help with any of these things?How to find SohiniSohini: My website is probably the best place to find information on, and that's www.elmrose.com and the firm is called Elm Rose Consultancy and you'll get an idea online about what services we provide. And they can pick up the phone and call me, I'm available at any time. So everything's available on my website, you can find out a bit more there.Me: Yeah, if anybody needs help with that kind of thing, right? Especially as it's such a...I don't want to say hot topic, but well yeah, hot in the sense of controversial hot, right? It's just...it's a bit unreal, right?Sohini: Especially with Brexit just now, the European clients that I have. Their case is now just to kind of confirm their right to be in the UK. Me: Yes of course.If you're in the UK and feeling concerned...Sohini: There's a lot of concern just now. I'm even happy to speak to people just to allay their concerns or fears about what's happening in today's climate.Me: That's fantastic, that's really good to know because I'm sure there are definitely people listening who may be thinking 'I'm not British, what's my situation' and all that stuff. Yeah, thank you for that. Sohini thank you so much for sharing this story with us.Sohini: Thank you for having me.Me: You're very welcome! Yeah, I'm just very grateful that there are people like you out there that people can reach out to, you know? Because I think having lived in two foreign countries now, it can be quite a scary thing. It's good to know that people have someone like you to help them out when it all gets a bit scary. So thank you!Food to fight overwhelmRight! At the beginning of this episode, I said I'd share with you one of the best foods you can eat to help fight overwhelm. If you're in any situation where you just feel emotionally overwhelmed or wired and you need to relax. It's a food that has many, many properties besides helping us relax. And that food is...celery!Now before you start screaming and saying “Oh celery, that's diet food, it's absolutely horrible!”, it is not! There are delicious ways to eat celery that I'll share with you later.But first I would like to say just one or two benefits of celery that I think are especially cool.Benefits of celeryWay back when, Hippocrates – the father of modern medicine so I'm told – he used to prescribe celery as a tonic for people suffering from nervous tension. I mean apparently even in his day, people still got stressed.This is because celery has potassium which has been shown to help control blood pressure. Now Chinese medicine prescribes celery for the same reasons, in addition to its being an aphrodisiac, I had to throw that one in. Gotta try that one, right?Another cool thing about celery is that it appears that celery doesn't actually lower blood pressure in someone whose blood pressure is already low. I mean how cool is that!Celery also has high levels of magnesium, as well as other minerals and essential oils, all of which can help us relax. So if you're wired in the evenings, or if like Sohini you have super long days, try a glass of celery juice before going to bed. It actually tastes pretty good, and it tastes way different than munching on the celery sticks themselves.Celery is also great for detox. It's a great diuretic so it can help flush toxins and other waste out of our kidneys. Plus I think many people know that we require more calories to eat and digest celery than the celery actually contains, so it's a great food if you're looking to slim down which I think is how most people know about celery.How you eat celery...the tasty way!So how do most people eat celery? Well, I think you know that, right? We usually pick up a stick and munch on it if we're on a diet, usually cursing the poor veg at the same time and we feel like we're punishing ourselves.But there are way better ways to eat celery. One way is in a juice with other fruit or veg. You can mix fruit and vegetables in there. And one of the articles that I'll link to has a great recipe for a green juice that I'm definitely gonna try. Let me know if you try it too!My favorite easy way to eat celery is super easy: I just dip it in some nut butter. I'd say my favorite is almond butter. It's really delicious and you don't feel like a rabbit.I'll link to an article in the show notes that also has a recipe for a salad using celery that sounds pretty good, if I do say so myself. In this recipe they do mention parmesan so if you don't eat dairy, just substitute the parmesan for some nutritional yeast. It looks pretty tasty so I might try that myself.I also have an amazing recipe for my Way Better Than Waldorf Salad which takes celery to a whole new level, and I'll link to that as well. Have YOU got a story to share?Which brings us to the end of this week's story – and if you've got a true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation),  I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESMy 5 Minute Salads & Sauces recipe ebook with my Way Better than Waldorf Salad recipe: rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipesMedicinal uses of celery, including juice recipe: www.wellbeing.com.au/body/recipes/Celery-Worth-stalking.htmlOther article with salad recipe: www.doctorshealthpress.com/food-and-nutrition-articles/10-health-benefits-of-celeryWhere to find Sohiniwww.elm-rose.comFacebookTwitterLinkedInSohinipreet Alg is a qualified Solicitor and specialised in Immigration law.  She is Level 3 OISC accredited and is a Senior Caseworker under the Law Society's Immigration & Asylum Accreditation Scheme. Sohini has worked all over the UK, including large London city based firms, and is the Director of Elm Rose Consultancy. She has an unparalleled passion and commitment to her clients.

Jessica Louise Li shares how she went from being in an abusive marriage to creating a legacy with a new love of her life using what she calls the path of Sensational Sex.And at the end of this episode I'll share with you a little food that I bet you don't know is a powerful libido booster – as well as another food that you definitely want to avoid, because it acts like a cold shower of toxicity!Our guest, Jessica Louise LiI am very excited to be joined here today by Jessica Louise Li. Jessica is a former raw food chef who now teaches women how to use the power of sex energy to unleash self-expression in both the bedroom and in business. Now I don't know about you, but that alone would get me very excited. But she's got a lot more to share with us today, so let's get started!Me: So Jess welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm super excited to have you here!Jess: Yes, thank you for having me. I'm looking forward to those tips you have at the end.Me: Yeah, let's see how that turns out! We'll see if you know them – including the toxic one.I'm really glad we're able to do this because we've known each other for quite a while. So I already know your story, but I love it and I think it's quite a powerful one. You went from such a place of hardship to a place of lightness and joy. I think people will be very inspired to know how you went from one to the other, and what it was like for you.I know that for a while you had a bit of a rough time because you were in a bit of an abusive relationship. Do you want to say a little bit about that? Because I think that's where your story starts, if I'm not mistaken?Jess: Yeah definitely.Jessica's storySo I was married for 10 years – I mean it was 14 years in the long run. But it was 10 years into the marriage where things started to accumulate more and more.An abusive marriage from day 1It always...from day 1 it was mentally abusive, verbally abusive, emotionally abusive...There were 5 times when he put his hands on me and of course as we know, one time is more than enough.It wasn't until almost 10 years into the marriage where he had actually tried to take my life.My husband had actually tried to kill me as my 3 children were sleeping upstairs.Me: Oh my God, how old were your children?Jess: They were 7, 9 and 11...or actually no, that was 2010...The kids are 2 years apart so they were 3, 5 and 7.Me: Wow.Jess: They were really young.And I know that's the hard run of the story, but...I want to share it like that because that's an experience. As dramatic and as crazy and wild as it may seem to some people, it's something that I happened to experience in life. But I know that that doesn't define me.A journey tooIt's really the journey of what I experienced back then to what I am now. And that's what I'm really here for, it's the inspiration, it's the whole picture. It's not just that one incident.Me: Exactly. If people were to look at your life now, when people see what you're doing now, it's amazing. I know that you'll say a bit more about that later but it's kind of hard to imagine that you started from that kind of place. Jess: Yeah, totally. I guess that's a testament to how far I've come. It was something that was really horrifying and I wouldn't wish it on anyone for sure.Married to a killer (literally)But here's the thing: when I was in that relationship, I knew that it was wrong. Deep down I knew that I shouldn't be in there. But the thing is that I was living in so much fear, and I didn't feel like I had the resources to be able to leave him.On top of that he was someone who was involved with the gangs, so I was in fear of him having someone follow me. Or, you know, because he was in that lifestyle, he had no qualms about coming after me or trying to kill me.Like when he said he was going to kill me, I like 100% believed him.Me: Wow.Jess: Because he had killed people before. And I can say that freely now only because he passed away. He died suddenly 3 years ago, it's been almost three years now.Living in fearOne of the biggest secrets that I couldn't tell – and I think even when I met you, I couldn't say my whole story. So maybe it's perfect timing now that we're doing this interview!There's only so many details that I could say, right? It's not about ratting him out or like trying to show off, even if you'd consider that showing off. But it's to highlight that I was living in so much fear that every night I knew that I was laying in the arms of someone that has killed before.People ask me, “Why didn't you leave earlier?” A lot of people say that about abused women, 'why do you stay' or 'I don't get why you're still with him'. And I think it's not until or unless you're in that situation that you really understand why a woman stays. Like I said, of course I knew it was a bad thing. As my kids were growing up, I knew that I didn't want my daughter to see that it was OK for a man to hit her and for her to go back. And vice-versa, I didn't want my son to think it was OK for him to put his hands on a woman and then she comes back and all is great.So I had to be mindful of that. When they were younger there was so much that I could get away with, but as they got older they started to mimic certain behaviours. They started to see my ruses, they started to ask “Why does Mommy have a black eye?”The turning pointIt just got to the point where you know what? This was enough. And yeah, unfortunately it got to the night where he attacked me and tried to kill me.Me: And was that the turning point?Jess: That was the turning point, because I was on the sofa, and without going into too much detail... One of the ways he tried to kill me...He was huge, he choked me twice unconscious on the sofa.So I had three thoughts. One, that my parents would find my body here. Two, that my children wouldn't have their mother. And three, that this isn't fair, I didn't get to do everything that I wanted to do.  It was the third thought that was the catalyst. That was what made me want to take my own life, after healing, and create something that was for me. To create the life of my dreams. And to do something that was gonna benefit my kids - I was gonna be happy.I didn't want to waste time, and I didn't want to life my life for someone else. Now I wanted to live my life for me.The scariest momentActually I was very fortunate, because he had stabbed me after I had regained consciousness. He had actually stabbed me in the head.Me: In the head?!Jess: He did, yeah. And I know it's crazy and it was the scariest moment. I mean, the whole night was crazy. Crazy scary. Me: Well it's amazing that you survived!Jess: Yes, but do you know what though Barbara? If you believe in it...I do... it was divine intervention.Face to face with a knifeWhat happened was he had picked up the knife, it was a big stainless steel kitchen knife. He came towards me and he was 6, 6 feet 1 and 270 pounds at the time. Mostly muscle, a big guy. And I'm like 5 feet 4, 5 feet 5, a 140 pounds, 135 pounds.He came to me, basically we were like face to face and he picked up the knife and I shut my eyes and I was hoping that it wasn't going to hurt too much.I was like 'wow, this is the last scene I'm going to see before I die'.And I shut my eyes and I squeezed my eyes so tight, and I was just braced for the knife. I felt the knife go in and out of my scalp really fast. It was really creepy.All of a sudden he backed off. I tried to deflect the knife for one or two seconds and he backed off and I thought this was weird, I was just in so much shock.After he had already punched me, after he had already broken a chair over me, after he'd choked me unconscious twice, and now he'd just stabbed me...my adrenaline was just pumping and all of a sudden he just stopped out of nowhere so I was in a huge state of shock. Then on top of that I was like 'what the heck? What's going on?'So I actually thought he was going to go get...I knew that he had a gun in the house and I thought he was going to go get that.Divine interventionAnd it wasn't till later that I realized when I talked to him that he has a rosary. Usually as you know you don't wear rosaries. But he had his decked out in diamonds, and he made it fancy. So he was wearing his rosary at the time, and it snapped, it broke. He had owned it for years, maybe like 8 years up to that point or so. It broke, and he told me that's what snapped him out of his rage, because when the rosary snapped it took him out of what he was doing to me and he was like 'What the f am I doing?' So I keep that piece with me to this day, I have it in my room. I've done talks when I've spoken in front of organizations and young girls, I've showed it to them. Because that's what saved me. If the rosary hadn't broken at the time, I don't know whether I'd be here talking to you.Me: Wow. Whoof! Jess: Yeah.Me: It's such a powerful story that I'm kind of glued to my chair. I'm kind of like wow, where do you go...Getting out fastSo how did you leave? Was it after that night that you just like left? Did you take your kids? Did you go somewhere?Jess: So after he had left, I guess what he did was he left, he took off in one of our cars because we had two family cars. And as soon as I knew he was gone, I ran upstairs like a madwoman. This must have been like 3 in the morning so the kids were asleep. Thank goodness they didn't wake up and they didn't witness any of this.I ran upstairs, they were all sleeping in one room and I grabbed them and I said “Hurry, hurry guys, we've gotta go, something bad happened”. And they were like, “What's going on?” They were groggy...So I grabbed some blankets, some toys, I threw them in the car...And I literally just threw everyone and got myself out of there so fast, cause I thought he was gonna come back and that was my only way to escape.At one point he said “Do you wanna leave?” And I knew that as a mother I wasn't going to leave 3 kids at home. I didn't think that he would harm them, but as a mother I needed to protect them and I needed to know that they would be OK.So yes it was risky, I knew I was risking my life by staying, but heck, my kids! I grabbed them and I put them in the car, and we left. He didn't come back.Being brave, or a bit nutsAnd I was scheduled to work that night. Two nights of the week I slept over there which was that night. It was crazy because I was trying to be tough, right? So I drove back there with the kids and I wrote a message to him as I was bleeding, saying “I'm so sorry I had to leave early, I'll be back in the morning to finish working”. That was nuts!I got back in the car and I drove to my employer's place. So I was working as a caregiver and her son had hired me to take care of her. Two nights out of the week I slept there and it was that night. I took the kids and I had some skin hanging off of my hand from one of the knife wounds and I looked at the kids and I was like, “Oh man, what am I gonna do now?” And I didn't want to go to the police, I didn't want to go to the hospital because I was afraid they were gonna take my kids away.Me: Oh!When even the police let you downJess: So the last time... I had moved from Ontario which is more on the eastern side of Canada from British Columbia which is on the west coast of Canada.When I lived in British Columbia my husband had threatened me at one time in the past. He didn't do anything but he said that he would kill me. And I had enough courage to go to the police back then.And crazy enough Barbara, they said... I walked up with my two year old at the time and my son who was in a baby carrier. So I walked up the steps and I told them what happened. I said my husband threatened to kill me and it was a female police officer.She said, “Do you have family in the city?” and I said, “Yeah”. Then she said, “Who is it?” and I said, “My uncle”. She said, “Here's the phone” and she hands me the rotary phone and she says, “If you don't call him right now and tell him what happened, I'm gonna have your kids taken away from you”.Me: Oh my God! That's awful!Jess: And I thought... I had gathered so much courage to get to the police! Because in that lifestyle, you're always trained to think of the police as someone that you'd never, ever speak to, you know, that's a bad thing. But I had the courage to go there when he wasn't home, and here she tells me this. Hiding in the hospitalI bawled. I cried – and I thought, “If the police can't help me, nobody can”. So that was the experience I had going into this situation. And I thought, “I can't have my kids taken away from me”. So I was just looking at my wounds going, “Maybe I can get some bandages”.I got some bandages and I was like, “No, this is not gonna work!” So I went to the hospital and I left my kids in the car, and I felt bad.But I went in and I said, “You know, I got this wound from chopping vegetables” and she said “Right handed?” and I said “Yeah” and she said “Hmmm, tell me what really happened because you don't hurt your right hand chopping vegetables with your right hand”.Well she knew, and they're trained to look for these things. I told her, and I told her I didn't want to press charges. And it actually wasn't until 3 months later that he got arrested, and it was because I was seeing a psychologist for some counseling to help me work through some things, and she was the one that said, “You know, just enquire at the police station what would happen if you wanted to report him. Don't say you want to, just enquire”.Me: That's a good idea.More guidance and helpJess: So I drove my way to work one day, and him and I, we were... we thought we would work things out, and things were going okay. And I was like, “See you guys later, I'm gonna go to work now.”Then on my way to work, something just took my hand. As if something just took my hand and made me turn the steering wheel the opposite way. I drove to the police station and I said, “Look, this is what happened to me. What would happen if I reported this?”She comes back and she says, “Let me talk to my supervisor”. And she came back to the front and she said, “Now that the ball is dropped we have to go and arrest him”.I freaked because I said, “You can't arrest him. He's going to come and kill me now!” And she said “I'm sorry, we have to go and get him. We have to bring him in”.I said, “I've got kids, my kids are with him”. They promised that they wouldn't see him getting arrested. Unfortunately my older daughter did see that and that's traumatized her since.The staying, leaving cycle...So yeah, that's how I got out of it. And the funny thing is with abuse – and I think this is an important conversation because there's a lot of people who have gone through domestic abuse. Men and women. There's a lot that don't talk about it, or they don't recognize it. And I know that a lot of men and women, they go back to their abuser and then something happens, right? It's that whole cycle of staying, leaving, staying, leaving. That's what happened to me.So even though he got arrested, I continued to see him for about 4 or 5 months after, going to the jail, saying that I would recant my statement. I would bring the kids to the jail and I would say “Let's work this out” and I really did mean it.Family men to the rescueAnd then it wasn't until I finally got to my lawyers and I told them what happened, and they were like “OK, from this day forward, you cannot go to the jail”. They told me, they shared their reasons that they saw my husband as not a good husband and not a good father.This was coming from men that were family men. At the time I never had male role models to look to. So to have them say that, it put something in me where I was like, “Holy crap, maybe, maybe they're right”. You know?They made me promise, they said “If we're going to work together, you cannot go back there”. And the guy that I was working for said “Look, you've started something, you need to finish it”.So I was lucky that I had those pillars in my life to hold me to that, because left to my own devices, I would have just taken him out of jail, recanted my statement and I don't know if I would be here today. And my life wouldn't be where it's at today. That's how I got out of it.Like I said, looking at my kids going “I can't have them look at me as a role model and going back to an abusive situation”. And that catalyst, that moment I had on the sofa, right? Going 'this isn't fair, I didn't get to do everything I wanted to do'. I'm taking the reins back on my life.The healing beginsMe: And so you must have gone through quite a long process of...I don't know, did you do counseling? What kinds of things did you do to start to, I guess sort of change your world view, or just you know, heal things in yourself to enable you to move forward?Jess: So the psychologist that I was talking about, the police referred me to them because part of the victim services and I don't know if they have that where you are. But they only allow 10 sessions with a psychologist and after that you have to pay and it's really expensive. So I thought any help I can get is awesome, and there was one group I had for mothers and children of abuse. Myself and my youngest two went, my oldest didn't want to go. And after that, honestly it was mostly self work and that's what really shot me into this world of spiritual enlightenment if you want to call it that.I was never someone that I would have considered spiritual before this incident. And I'm grateful for what happened to me because it allowed me to really go deeper into myself and just ask myself.Looking inside and pleasing yourselfYou know, as I was healing physically, I had the time thank goodness to just heal. Like in a great spot with trees and the forest around me and animals. And I would just look outside every day and go “What would  make me happy? What does Jessica want?” That was hard for me because I had lived my life for so many years trying to please somebody else. And I lost who I was, I lost my self expression. I was not allowed to talk to certain people, my friends and family were cut off, so I had to find me again.And so like I said, most of it was work that I did by myself and on myself, and when I was ready, then I started to talk to some people and I started to network after I made the decision, “You know what? I'm going to start a business”. I think that was about the time that I met you, you know, doing the whole raw food thing. Me: Yeah, I remember, yeah.A new career, and maybe a new man?Jess: Yeah, because I became a raw food chef. Because I decided, “You know what? I'm going to go down to New York City, I'm going to train as a raw food chef”.I came back and started a catering company here in Toronto and that's pretty much the time when I had met you. And I thought I would continue my journey that way, and it wasn't until this further journey, a couple of years went by that I said to myself...I knew that I wanted a new love in my life, and what was funny was, and I know that you can relate to this as an entrepreneur because there are so many things on your plate...And I said to myself, “You know what? I want my business to get to a certain level before I start dating again”.Me: That's what I've said to myself! (laughs)Jess: I was cool with that, but then I was like “Wait a second. I could be totally be cutting off the guy that's made to be there in my life.” And when I made that decision, I just declared to the universe that I'm giving this up. If the guy is out there, so be it, I can work through this with my business at the same time”.And really, like within the next two or three months, I met Michael!Enter the relationship coachMe: Wow! How did you guys meet?Jess: So we met at a trade show. He was doing relationship coaching at the time for women, so he was helping women find a great partner. He still does some of that work as well, so he helps women find a really great partner and keep a really good relationship.So he had just released his newest book at a women's trade show in Toronto. I was walking between the aisles and I was like “I know you, I recognize this name from somewhere” and he said, “You do?” And we realized we both belonged to the same entrepreneurial group online.But what was funny was he was in a relationship at the time and I was going into a relationship. So it was one of those like 'here's my business card' and there was some attraction there and then there was no contact at all for 5 months.Dating adviceAnd then one of my friends invited me to a concert that a friend was holding. I showed up early and Michael showed up, and I'm like, “What are you doing here?” So we didn't know that we had the same mutual friends, but the universe is so funny how it works. But he showed up that night, and he was there with his girlfriend, he was waiting for his girlfriend but he came early and I came early, so we just started chatting.And I shared with him where I was at, I was getting out of the relationship that I was previously in. I said, “I know you're a relationship guy, here's the deal, what's up with this guy?”He gave me some dating advice and he said “There's nothing wrong with you, look, I do some matchmaking. Tell me what you're looking for”. And I told him. Sneakily enough, I didn't find out until later, he broke up with his girlfriend that same night!Knowing what you wantSo you know, we were Facebook messaging each other. And I said, “Well if I get too specific, here's a general idea of what I'm looking for in a guy”. Then I said, “You know what? Scratch that, here's my specifics”. And I went very specific, and I guess that on the other side he was like “Oh my goodness, this is me, I'd have everything!”He didn't tell me that, he said, “Awesome, I think I know someone for you. Can you meet me downtown for tea next week?” And I said, “Yeah, sure”. So we met and about an hour, an hour and a half talking, I said, “Where is this guy?” Because I was expecting this guy to show up. And he's like, “OK so you know that guy I was telling you about? Yeah, it's me!”Me: Oh, it's like something out of movie, out of a romcom, right?Jess: Totally! And it wasn't until that moment, until that day, that I found out that he broke up with his girlfriend back at the concert. Like once I know someone's in a relationship, to me they're categorized as off-limits.Me: Yes, of course.Jess: I didn't think that, you know, that it was gonna be him at all. And when he got that he was like 'My ex-girlfriend thinks you're really pretty'. And I'm like 'OK so the girl before this girl? I don't get it'. He said 'Oh, she's no longer my girlfriend, we broke up' and I'm like 'Ohhh...' and that's when it totally clicked in.Friends with benefitsSo we started seeing each other just for sex and he knew I had needs and I wasn't looking for anything serious right now so I was like, “Yeah, sure”. I had a couple of rules and one of them was 'We don't tell anyone about this' so for like 5 or 6 months I would go to his house and I would leave the kids because I had kids at home and he doesn't have kids. And I would drive 45 minutes each way just to go and have sex with him, twice, sometimes three times a week, and we would do this for 5 or 6 months.Then of course feelings started to...We started talking more, and then one day he goes, “I know this is crazy, but do you want to go out on a date?” After like 5 or 6 months of sleeping together, 'do you want to go out on a date'. And yeah, things just went from there, that was 2 and a half years ago and we're getting married in a few months!Me: That is so cool! You seriously have to...that has to be made into a movie, that just has to happen.Jess: Well what's funny about that is there's actually a producer who heard about my story and he wants to make a movie out of my life, so maybe we'll stick that in there.Me: Yes! You have to stick that in there!ForgivenessJess: Yeah, that's where we're at right now and life is just incredible. And see, the thing is after my husband tried to kill me, it took me some time but I forgave him and I got to verbalise that to him before he passed away.He was impressed by my healing and my journey, and he was like “Wow, sweetheart I'm so happy for you, maybe one day you can help me get to where you are”.Me: Oh wow. That must have been...How did you feel when he said that?Jess: Just chills! And it was also because we met up, we weren't talking to get back together. We met because he's the father of my kids but there was no talk of us getting back together. So we had the best communication just before he died, funnily enough. Should I stay or should I run?After they released him from jail, after he got out of jail for what he did to me... Oh by the way I completely freaked out when he was released, I was ready to run. My mom said, “Look, if you need to run and hide, you just run and wherever you are, you just tell me where you are and you're safe.” Like I was ready to take my kids in the car and just, like...Honestly, Barbara, I was Googling things like 'how to become a refugee in Australia'. I was looking for ways to escape Canada. And then I just came to the point where I was like, “If I start running now, I'm going to be running for the rest of my life”.I had a friend who when I was attacked...she's very spiritual and I wasn't there yet. But she said to me, “Jessica, you just need to trust” and I said “No” and in my mind I was like “Are you f-ing crazy? Do you know who... He's gonna come get me!” She grabbed my hand and she was like, “You just need to trust. You just need to trust”.Giving up fearAnd I totally didn't understand that at all back then, and it wasn't till later till I was just like, “I need to just trust, and everything is going to work out. The universe is going to support me. I don't know how, but I just need to give up this fear that I have”. So I decided to stay in Canada.The first conversation I had with him, it was the first time I'd talked to him since I'd left him in jail. Because he was livid when he found out that I'm not going to get him out of jail and recant my statement. I mean he was absolutely livid, he was ready to send someone to kill me. He told me this afterward, but luckily he had the time to just cool off.So when he first got out of jail, I didn't know how he was gonna react. I'm like, “This could be the worst mistake of my life or this could be the best thing”. And I just knew that the first conversation I had with him, I just had this huge feeling rush over me like 'everything is going to be fine, everything is going to be good'. I can't explain, it was just a knowing.And things just blossomed from there. Like I said, not to get back together, we were going our own ways but we were in conversation so it was a big shock that his dad called me one day and just said, “I'm so sorry, he passed away this morning”. He wasn't even sick.A huge shockMe: How did he die?Jess: He died of an overdose, and they thought it was a heart attack because 95% of his arteries were blocked in his heart. But the toxicology report said that it was an overdose and he wasn't someone to do drugs. I think what it looked like was some of the pills he was taking were laced with fentanyl, which is... There's a huge problem in British Columbia with a lot of people dying from fentanyl. They're lacing Fentanyl into other drugs currently.So it was a huge shock, a huge shock. I was driving down the street in Toronto with my youngest daughter and I just collapsed. I had to get out of the car and I collapsed. Then I was screaming, like “Why!” And I had so much of this 'you just left me here and I've got these 3 kids, but... You know, I see signs of him all the time. So even though he did that to me, I still talk to him all the time. And I ask him to look after the kids and support them and look after me, and I know that he's in a better place to be able to support me.Me: That's just what I was gonna say.Taking responsibility to empower yourselfJess: Yeah, totally. And the thing is, I could have gotten hung up on 'I was abused, this happened to me...' Trust me, I've had many more reasons than we've talked about here to keep myself in a place of victimhood and blaming everyone else. But instead what I did was take responsibility.Even when before...you know, we didn't get a chance to talk about gang rape, but in my younger years when I was gang-raped, I took responsibility for my part. Not to excuse them, but there was a certain responsibility that I had to take for myself, and the same thing with my husband.So going back and taking responsibility in those areas really got me empowered, and then, you know, people encouraged me more and more to share my story. And the more I did, the more women would stand up and say 'this has happened to me'. The more I did that, the more I realized that I have a powerful story to share. I can inspire others, hence this podcast.From sharing to teaching to rocking out seminars!And you know I've just realized that the raw food that I was doing before, it's funny how the universe has its plans. It wasn't until I met Michael and we were having this incredible sex... We had a lot of experience prior to meeting each other, but this was something different. One day he was joking around, he said, “You know, this is so great, we should teach this to people”. I said “Yes, we should!” And he's like, “Really? Cause I was just kinda kidding”.But within 5 months of that idea, we sold out our first event in Toronto and we just rocked it. It was amazing! And we have our 7th one coming up pretty soon here. Me: And those are your Sensational Sex Seminars, right?Jess: Exactly, yeah. Hopefully one day soon we can bring it to the UK.Me: You have to bring it to the UK because I want to come!Jess: Yeah!The power of sexual energySo what happened too was my sexual energy, when I was younger I always had this innate feeling of...I don't know what you want to call it. I knew what sex was or sexual feelings before a child should even know what that stuff is. And I couldn't put my finger on it as a kid, but as I got older, people would shame me and I would feel repressed. I felt like I had to shut off that side of me.What I realized was I was cutting off my sexual energy and I completely lost that when I was married. Of course we had sex, but I wasn't in the flow, I wasn't embracing my feminine energy. I didn't know about masculine and feminine energies and honoring them both within each of us, within myself and within my partner.It was the gift that I got afterwards with being with Michael that I discovered how powerful sexual energy is. Because sex energy is how we all got here, it's life energy. It runs every area of our life, it permeates into everything that we do, the way we walk, the way we dress, the way we do business, it's all sexual energy. If we can really tap into that, our life will be remarkably powerful. And that's what I want to spread right now, because I regained my power, my real power, by tapping into, by reclaiming my sexual energy. How to find JessicaMe: Wow! Now I think there's a lot of... I'm sure there's a lot of people out there who would love to know how to do just that. So how do people find you? Because I know that you help a lot of women with precisely that, so where's the best place for them to find you?Jess: The best place right now would be to go to my website, so it's www.jessicalouiseli.com and Louise is l-o-u-i-s-e and Li is l-i because some people ask, so jessicalouiseli dot com.Me: Yeah, I'll link to that in the show notes as well, so... Wow that is fantastic, and yes, you've got to bring the Sensational Sex Seminar to the UK so let me know what I can do to help make that happen!Jess: Definitely! We'll chat!Me: Well, thank you so much for coming onto the podcast and for sharing your absolutely incredible story. I think the image of you with the broken rosary is going to stay in my mind for quite a while, that's really something.Jess: You're welcome!A great libido boosterNow I did mention at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you a little food that I have a feeling you may not know can boost your libido – as well as one food that you definitely want to avoid.So as far as aphrodisiacs go, you may be thinking chocolate, right? And yes, chocolate does have lots of substances that give us some feel-good chemicals, but most of us know that. I'm not going there.The food that I'm talking about is...blackberries!Benefits of blackberriesYes, blackberries. Both the berries themselves as well as their seeds are great libido boosters, according to Drs. Anna Maria and Brian Clement, who are the directors of the Hippocrates Health Institute in West Palm Beach, Florida. This is because blackberries are so rich in vitamins, minerals and antioxidants that they just have a very powerful effect on our wellbeing.Blackberries have lots of other benefits – including helping to relieve PMS and hot flashes, helping with bone health, keeping your hair clean, helping prevent memory loss and loads more. In fact there are way too many benefits to list here, so I'll link to an article in the show notes where you can read about it if you want to.How you use blackberriesHow do you eat blackberries? Well, this is easy. You pick up a big handful, about 10 berries, and that should do the trick! Or sprinkle them on cereal or a fruit pudding. Just don't have them with dairy because dairy is another food that cuts our libido short. It's very clogging, and we don't want clogged bodies, right? We want everything to be working at its max efficiency!Now blackberries are delicious on their own, but if you'd rather have them with a gorgeously tasty yet healthy dessert, I've got loads of recipes that would go really well with blackberries in my 5-minute dessert recipes ebook which I'll link to below as well.One of the top foods to avoidRight, so I have to tell you one of the top foods to avoid. I can't help it, especially because it's famous for being an aphrodisiac. And that food is oysters!Oysters are high in zinc which has been linked to the creation of hormones, but unfortunately oysters, like other bottom-feeders in the ocean, absorb a lot of toxins and parasites. And those toxins far outweigh any benefit you might get from the zinc. Oysters are not a love food, they are a toxic food!So I hope you've enjoyed our story and our foodie tips!Have YOU got a story to share?And if you've got a true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day or enhanced your situation),  I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESJessica's website: www.JessicaLouiseLi.comArticle on foods that boost (and inhibit) libido: www.fitnessmagazine.com/mind-body/sex/libido-boosting-foods/Benefits of blackberries: www.valuefood.info/1292/health-benefits-for-blackberries5-Minute recipe ebooks: rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes 

Gabriella Guglielminotti Trivel shares her story of how she went from an abusive relationship, to losing her job, to freedom in Antarctica. Plus my favorite warming ingredient that you can add to your food AND put on your body, with surprising results.Hi everybody, I'm Barbara Fernandez, the Rocking Raw Chef, here with my Clean Food, Dirty Stories: one to entertain, the other to inspire.I help people stamp out stress, depression and fatigue over at RockingRawChef.com, and today's title is:From Abuse and Divorce to Freedom in AntarcticaIn addition to this story, at the end of this episode I'll share with you one of the best ingredients you can add to your food when it's cold outside. And you don't have to just use it for food. You can actually add it to something that has nothing to do with food and that I know will surprise you. The best part is that when you do that, nobody has to know!OK enough hints from me, let's get on with the story. I am very excited to be joined here today by speaker and visionary Gabriella Guglielminotti Trivel, author of the book 'Antarctic Odyssey a New Beginning'.In her own words, Gabriella is A Woman of the 21st Century, Author, Speaker and Female Cycle Consultant and she's got a fascinating story to share with us today, complete with whales, seals and penguins as well as her own life lessons learned.So Gabriella welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really excited to have you here today!Gabriella: Hello Barbara, thank you so much for this opportunity.Me: You're so welcome! I love your story because you overcame some really difficult situations and then you went on to do some amazing things, so I think that people will really enjoy it.Can you tell us – I mean, I know that now you do all kinds of wonderful, beautiful things, but it wasn't always like that, right? I think at the beginning you were talking about a relationship that wasn't exactly ideal for you. Is that the best place to start?Gabriella's storyGabriella: Well I suppose it's the best place to start because to be totally honest, I think that whenever a story starts, meaning an intimate relationship story, nobody really plans to go into something that is not nice.The honeymoon comes, everything's fantastic, but then both the characters start pouring into the relationship their own characteristics, their agenda, their baggage... It becomes like a bit of a murky puddle.Me: I know what you mean, yeah. It doesn't sound like a good thing to have, a murky puddle! I know that it didn't start out as a murky puddle. And I know that you're originally from Italy, right?Gabriella: Yes, I was born in a city called Turin in the northwest part of Italy, at the foot of the Alps. It's in the Piedmont region, from the French “au pied du mont”. It's a very mountainous region with plains and hills and so forth, and Turin is only a few kilometers from the border with France. I grew up in a mountainous environment, going skiing and trekking in the mountains with my parents. And so a few decades later I ended up in flat England.Me: Yeah, with hardly any snow, right?Gabriella: Well, it doesn't snow much but it does sometimes in Scotland. When I went to Scotland it was always summer, but they do ski there I was told. Working in the MaldivesI ended up in the UK passing through the Maldives, because that's where I was working for an Italian tour operator. On the island where I was based I met this Briton in 1997. In my spare time I was diving, underwater with tanks, because I was a diver before. The Maldives is a diver's destination so when I could, I was diving.The diving instructor buddied me up with this chap who was alone who was British. He was actually quite at home in that little island because he had been 10 or 11 times already. We were buddied up together and so that's how it started. As you can imagine, in a very romatic place... we basically met underwater!Me: Oh that's very cool!Gabriella: Sometimes when I think about it, it sounds like it was taken from a fiction book or something. But it happened to me, and then of course... he was there for a couple of weeks and we had opportunities to get to know each other a bit.The island was so big that it would take you 5 minutes walk to go around it. So obviously it wasn't very difficult to keep bumping into each other, that's how it started in a way. And I'm sure that part of the story was because it was in a romantic location even if I was working, and he was on holiday...More trips togetherBut of course what happened was he went back home and we kept in touch. He was writing me letters. And then when I finished my contract there, I went to visit him in London.Of course the fascination hadn't faded yet so a month later I moved in with him for good, and it was very kind of rushed.Me: How long had you known each other at that point?Gabriella: When I moved in with him, basically I had just met him in the Maldives a couple of months earlier and he had stayed there for two weeks. But then when I went to visit him after working in the Maldives, I went to visit him for a week or so and in that week he asked me if I wanted to join him. He was a photographer and he was invited to show his diving photographs at an exposition in Singapore. He invited me to come along, and of course I said yes!From Malaysia to LondonAnd after the diving exposition in Singapore, we went diving in Malaysia. So again it was a very exotic situation where we got the chance to get to know each other a bit more.So then when we came back, I went back home basically to return for good.It was all very nice at the time, but very quick. I don't know what to call it... a story, an adventure. So then I found myself in London, cold, rainy London, and I started the second chapter of my life in the UK, in London.Cultural gapsAnd like in all stories, in all relationships, there are many factors that come into it, that create or direct the story in a certain way. In our case I think there were many gaps. Not just the language. I studied as an interpreter so my English was pretty good, but there was still a cultural gap.Me: Yup, I can relate to that.Gabriella: You might speak the same language, but you speak two different languages. You come from different backgrounds and different countries.Me: Yup, I had that with two husbands, one French one and one Mexican one. I spoke both languages and there's still a cultural gap.Gabrielle: Yes but it's funny though, unless you are in that situation, it's difficult to imagine. Your imagination is never like reality.Me: Of course. And was it hard for you to settle in the UK? In London?Gabriella: Well, it was in a way. But you see, when you're in love, you make everything do because you want it to work. Yes, the weather was...British. Unpredictable, and very variable so it changes from one moment to the next. But mainly it's not continental so it means you don't have the four seasons. You tend to have sort of two seasons really, and that was hard.Paradise for some, hell for othersBut what I want to say is that I was in a paradise on earth. The Maldives is definitely considered one of those places on earth that's perfect for honeymoons, this type of thing. I was working there, of course I wasn't on holiday there. But it was really hard to work there, and it felt to me like hell on earth, funnily enough. Such a paradox. Me: Really!Gabriella: Basically from paradise on earth which for me was feeling like hell, anyway, I fell on 'not paradise on earth' – weatherwise in the UK. But I was very happy because of course I was in this relationship that at the time I loved and cherished so much. That was for me a big lesson that I would never forget – that really, happiness is where your heart is.But of course I have to say that I've been here in the UK for nineteen years and I can say that yes, after a while, the weather gets at you!From holidays to power gamesMe: Yeah of course. But then the relationship started to change, right? Because at first you said it was...Gabrielle: Yes, like all relationships in the beginning it was very easygoing and nice and so forth. But it became more like a power game and I wasn't aware of it. I should have been aware because there were signs from the very beginning, but you know, sometimes we are blind to the signs. We can't hear it even if we can hear physically.Me: I mean when you say power games, can you think of an example?Gabriella: Yes, there was a gap of eleven years between the two of us and I'm a very easygoing type of personality and I don't really want to control anybody. But on the other side there was a person who was obviously much older than me with possibly much more life experience than me.And I am guessing here because the bottom line is that we never really know what happens in another person unless that person tells us, right? But I'm guessing with hindsight that inside there was a desire to create this relationship, he possibly really enjoyed it, wanted it and so forth. He just wanted it to work, but his character was very domineering, he was very controlling.Even if I'm as I said a very easygoing type of person I think, very flexible... I had just left my country, I had just moved here, I started from scratch. That didn't bother me, because I quite like that type of thing.I was the one adjusting to everything basically, but I couldn't adjust to being controlled.Why some people manipulate othersAnd you don't see it in the beginning because you think the other person is like you. You think they just want to love you, things like that. Maybe I was naïve but I'm sure I belong to a big club.Me: I mean, did he just like not let you go where you wanted, or have the friends that you wanted? Or try to tell you how to be?Gabriella: No, it took me a long time to realize it because...because you see, with people who are manipulative by nature... My theory is that they've been wounded or hurt, and so it's their survival instinct to try to manipulate their surroundings so that they can survive. It's very basic.Me: Yeah, that's what I think too.Gabriella: This is my theory, but anyway I think it was definitely applicable to his case.I don't know to this day what his wound was, but he definitely wanted me to be in a certain way, doing certain things. He wasn't so obvious. Otherwise I would have realized this earlier on. He was always camouflaging to this 'good doing', these good deeds that were in my interest and all the rest. Maybe according to him they were in my good interests, but not in mine.If you crush somebody character-wise and you want to control the person, you are actually also discarding all the nice characteristics, all the nice bits of the person. You can't just have a puppet in your hands. Well you can, in certain situations it works. There are certain men and women who are kind of happy in that kind of relationship, but it didn't work for me.Tantrums...as an adult?Me: Was there one event...What happened to make you think “This is enough, I have to leave”. Was it one event in particular?Gabriella: Yes, I was just arriving there. One thing that for me really killed the relationship and the story, and I'm happy to share it because there might be other women in similar situations.He was a very narcissistic type of person, and those people have to crush who is next to them because otherwise they don't feel good enough. One way to have his way was to throw tantrums. Really. Like children do.But you know, if you are a mother and you have a child doing that, you know how to deal with it because it's part of the growing up process.But when you are an adult and you have your partner doing that... Like it happened in the middle of the jungle, he wanted to go back to London and leave me there...Me: Ohhh!Gabriella: Stuff like that. It happened more than once.Maybe the first time you put up with it, you think 'Hmm, strange'. And then the second time you might start thinking, 'What have I done?' Because that's what happens to women, we tend to first check with ourselves. We always are prone to think that we've done something wrong ourselves.Me: Yes, of course.Gabriella: So that's what happened with me. When this was happening, I thought 'I've done something inconsiderate', or 'I'm bad'... I was always feeling guilty for something.Scary stuffMe: Was it scary as well? Because if I imagine an adult, you know, a man, my partner having a tantrum...that would just freak me out.Gabriella: Well yes it was! I can tell you! In certain situations it was, because, you know, like... We were returning to Indonesia, we were on this tour, there were just the two of us with a local guide. I can't remember now exactly what happened. He really literally wanted to go back to London and just leave me there, out of the blue. What do you do with something like that?Of course now thinking about it, I think if I would find myself in a situation like that or similar, I would just deal with it very easily because I've been through it.Me: That's what I was gonna say.Gabriella: If you haven't been there, in a similar situation, you don't know what to do. It's natural that you don't know what to do.What you can do if you're in an abusive relationshipMe: That's what I was going to ask actually, because there might be people that are in that kind of situation now. What would you tell them?Gabriella: Well what I would say is that to realize that you're in an abusive relationship is very difficult. And I'll tell you why. It doesn't necessarily have to be physical abuse, because a moral or emotional abuse is just as difficult. Or even worse maybe, because if somebody beats you up, the blows, the bruises on your skin might go, but the emotions, they stay. And then you have to heal them. It might take the rest of your life to do that.In a way, I wasn't in a physical abusive relationship, but it definitely wasn't a peer relationship. And I can say this because I'm now happily in a very nice relationship and I can see how different it is. I'm not...I'm also very aware that I don't want to make it worse than it was.But my advice would be for a woman to...instead of keeping silent, try to find help, professional help. Because if you just talk to your friends or colleagues or whatever, relatives, they will have their own unconscious agenda. Meaning that they will try to help in their own way, but it won't be maybe the best way for you.But with a therapist or somebody, you start maybe having help that shows you where you are and what's happening. They will play back to you what's going on. That's definitely something that I regretted not doing immediately. I waited because I was in denial and this is typical of women. You think that it cannot happen to you, but it does.The moment of no returnMe: But then once you... I know that you did decide at one point to go through with the divorce.Gabriella: Yes, you asked me what was the moment of no return. The moment of no return was just another tantrum, but this time it was very low key in a way compared to others that had been very magnificently planned, right? It wasn't in an exotic location, it was just in a shop. It was a small shop and in front of the sales attendant he just threw this tantrum and just treated me... like shit, basically. And it just reached a point where I just thought 'This is enough'.I had already matured within the years and realized in my body, really physically, that I was dying.Me: How long were you together?Gabriella: Well not long because it was... I moved to the UK in 1998 and we got married 3 years later, and then the point of no return happened in 2005. So I mean long enough to be damaged.Me: Yes, that's long enough, exactly.Gabriella: But not that long. And I'm saying this because I know that there are women who endure abusive relationships for decades. Finding excuses for the children if there are children involved, is actually the worst way to teach your children for the future because they will remember, they will absorb that.What we unconsciously create...Funnily enough, I have to say, and I'm sharing this as well with no pride, well, hiding my pride simply because I know that it can be useful for others. My parents...I had the example at home of my parents who had a similar relationship.And so what I had done, what happened to me or basically what I had done myself was to put myself in the same type of relationship. Because we do that unconsciously because we want to recover or resolve it. Our mind is always looking for a solution for everything that happened to us. It's so classical, like a psychology manual, right? But when it happens to you it's really...it's different, it hurts. But basically that's what happened.My father had a very old-fashioned type of relationship with my mother. Like what happened in the last century. And so the father would decide everything and the mother would say yes to everything.Even though I was born in the twentieth century, very highly educated, spoke four languages, traveled and all the rest of it, you might think 'You're sorted, girl! You're a girl of the world!'And yes, maybe from the outside. But inside, that wasn't the story and so I ended up in an abusive relationship. Having said that, I learned a lot and even if it was painful, I have to say that I couldn't have become the woman that I am today if that hadn't happened to me. It was a shortcut to really wake up.But for people out there, either men or women, because I know that it can happen to men as well. It doesn't have to necessarily be just the woman being in an abusive relationship being abused by a man, it can happen both ways.The very best thing to do for yourselfThe best thing is to actually listen to what you feel in your body because the body always tells us.But we are maybe conditioned by our upbringing. Or we are as I was saying deaf and blind and we don't want to see it, we don't want to hear it, we ignore the signs. The first step is pay attention to what your body is saying to you. And second, reach out because there are many organizations in the, let's call it the civilized so to speak world. It doesn't have to cost necessarily.The very fact of realizing 'there's something here not right, I want to go and see if I can find some help' is the first step to come out of it. And it helps you psychologically to become aware of what's going on.Me: Yes of course.Gabriella: It's been a long journey!Life putting you in a corner...and whyMe: But then you started to come through the other side, right? I mean, even though...you were made redundant from work? Is that right?Gabriella: Yes, what happened for me is that it was all together.I mean, the marriage wasn't happy already and had been that way for years. But what made it all kind of collapse I think was also the fact that I was made redundant at work, and he was self-employed so he was working from home. So obviously having me around didn't help and I was very aware that being at home it would have been hell, but that was what life served me.Life is very clever, always finding a way to put you in the corner so you then have to do something about it.So I was made redundant and I kind of also lost my social background workwise because that was a very big part of my life. Second the relationship at work was a nightmare and that had to be fixed. From the lowest point, to coming back upWhen the point of no return happened and I realized 'this is it, this is enough'...Because after being in the shop with this tantrum, having things thrown at me and whatever, we went into a supermarket and it went on. So I found myself basically like in film scenes that you see, you know? The film character walking and weeping and crying all over the supermarket, feeling like worse than that you can't go. And I was dying inside. But that was the point of no return where I felt 'Hang on a minute. This is enough! As difficult as it might be to break up and face a life that you don't know what it will be, with a big question mark, is still better than having to put up with the same situation every day that is obviously not going to change'.Me: So then what did you do to change things?Gabriella: Well life served me again, because basically who started the divorce process? Him.Me: Him?Gabriella: Yes, he started the divorce process because it was part of his way of being. He wanted to scare me because he thought that that would be a big scare and I would come back home. And you would do that...I mean, it's funny to say, but that would work with a little girl, not with an adult. And deep inside maybe there were parts of me that hadn't grown up enough, but I wasn't a little girl anymore. I was a woman of over forty years.Grabbing an opportunity, even if it takes yearsSo I realized that that was my chance. I had to grab it to be free again. Meaning, well being free at the time just meant to start feeling better. Not feeling anguished by living with a person who wouldn't respect me. You never knew when he would burst out, but the only certainty was you knew he would burst out at any moment.And I know that there are many people like that. They have that kind of character and some get into violence, they become more violent than others, whatever. But we are not here to make a hit parade of who was the worst and who was the best, you know?Me: No, of course, yeah.Gabriella: It's about making people aware that it can happen and there's no shame in that. We all have parts of ourselves that need to be healed so the best thing is really when we witness stuff like that that's going on, and it's obvious, it's apparent, you can't deny it, then it's time to take action.So I said yes to the divorce, he didn't expect that!That was the start of a long struggle because I was hoping that because he started it, he would want it. I was hoping it would be easy and we would free each other up and that would be it. But he didn't want that.Me: It took a long time, right? I think you said it took two years, is that right?Gabriella: Yes, it took two years.Me: Even without children, which I think is just crazy. That's a really long time.Gabriella: Yes, maybe things have changed now, I don't know. But when you have a party that doesn't want it to happen, they put everything out to put obstacles.Nothing to cling to, and yet...Me: But you had a career change at the same time, right? What did you do before and then what did you wind up doing afterwards?Gabrielle: Well what happened was I was working in the tourism industry and I was made redundant. And I could feel inside me that I needed to change because it wasn't satisfying me anymore.For me that was very scary because it wasn't just to lose the relationship and maybe the stability or the safety, so to speak, of a marriage and a relationship. It was also the fact that I didn't have any friends anymore because all of my friends were work-related or socially related with my husband.So I found myself really alone. And London being a big place... At the same time I couldn't really cling to my work. Because in a situation like that, it's useful to at least have something that you can cling to. It could be different things, it doesn't matter, but at least to have something that stays there and represents stability because otherwise it can be quite psychologically challenging.But I didn't have that. I didn't have any social stability, financial stability, career stability of any sort. So I had to face that as well. And I did some temporary work, still in the temporary industry, and then I went away traveling for a month.That was...even if I was still living separated under the same roof, I went backpacking, travelling through Vietnam. And that really helped me, because I'm a free spirit. That really helped me to rediscover myself as a being, a human being. Even if it was scary – you had to consider that I wasn't in the best position emotionally, but I did it, it really helped me.The learning journey begins...and leads to AntarcticaAt the same time I came across NLP, neurolinguistic programming. I trained in that, and that really helped me to recover. I've always been interested in personal development, the power of the mind, and to explore that for me was fundamental. To really rebuild myself psychologically and emotionally, but also it helped me to find a direction in my life.I did different courses, different things. Because after I divorced, I decided to give myself a bit of time and freedom to be able to look around instead of putting myself into another box immediately. So I started doing different trainings, and I eventually ended up in Antarctica!When in doubt, test yourselfMe: I was gonna ask, how did you get to Antarctica, and what was that like?Gabriella: Well, what happened was, it was funny.Two days, or three days after my second court hearing that really marked the end of my divorce, I came across this opportunity to join this chap. He was an Australian explorer really, an adventurer, a coach, called Peter Blair.He had been himself to the North and to the South Pole. So a very adventurous type of person. And after having been to Antarctica, he was actually starting to take people there as a way to explore yourself, to face your limiting beliefs.Having had the training in neurolinguistic programming which is all about the power of the mind... Having walked on fire...Me: Yup! I did that too!Gabriella: So you know that for me was really interesting. I couldn't resist it, because I wanted to test myself. As if I hadn't done it already... But it was very appealing and besides I always liked traveling. I had never considered Antarctica simply because it's too cold for me.But the idea of joining a group of people to go there to face your own beliefs and limitations and fears was for me irresistible!I had a bit of money that I managed to get out of the settlement for the divorce and so I thought 'Before I go into my mind again and become normal and rational again, let's do this because I know this will be good for me'. So nine months later I ended up in Antarctica.And another trauma...Me: Wow! And then what made you decide...Because you've written a book about your journey, right? Can you tell us about that?Gabriella: Well I wasn't planning to write a book. I was actually planning to produce a documentary about it. But I didn't have the funds to be able to get with me a crew or anything like that, forget it, so I just went with a camera myself and I started filming, not having done it before.But unfortunately something very unpredictable happened during the trip and so what happened was I lost my gear.Me: You lost your gear?Gabriella: Yes, my photographic gear.Me: Oh! Wow!Gabriella: So for me it was really going to hell because I had waited for that trip. For me the best part of it was to be able to go there and witness nature. For me it's a big thing. And you can't go more wild and natural than Antarctica. So I was expecting that, you know I was really preparing for this trip so much, I was really looking forward to taking pictures and filming and the rest. But something that I wasn't planning obviously... Again, life serves you right. I lost my gear!Benefits of lossSo what happened was I went through this trauma again and because it was a trauma for me. When I came back I was still trying to see if I could produce something with the little footage I had and I couldn't find a way, basically. That happened in 2008 and in 2011 I eventually surrendered to the reality of it.And I had this idea, I realized 'OK, it seems that I can't do anything with this experience'. I really wanted to share this experience, right? Because I learn so much from other people's stories and I feel very thankful for the person I've become because other people went to the trouble and the bother to put their story out there.And so this nagged at me constantly and I had this voice inside me that was pushing me to keep closing. But it seemed that all the doors were closed and I didn't know what to do.Eventually three years later I realized that I could write a book. And I thought 'Well at least if I write a book I have my experience there that anybody can read'. And these days technology allows us to be found more easily than in the past.So that's what I did. I went away and in two weeks I wrote my book.Me: Wow! That's fantastic! In two weeks!Gabriella: Yes, and after three years, that happened. But that's me, I found it easy to write. Obviously I have to say for honesty that those three years after the expedition I must have digested the thing.Writing a book and throwing pride to the windMe: Yes, because you put a lot of life lessons in your book as well, right?Gabriella: Yes, the story of the book is the trip on the ship with this group of people. But it's not a book that talks about the beauty of Antarctica. Of course it does because I put pictures in it as much as I could because I think it's worth it. Although it's an inner journey. It's what happened to me internally. I wrote it as raw as it was, I wrote all those things that nobody wants to admit because we think, 'if the world finds out that I do that, that I think that, oh my God it will be the end of it!' Because we all have that side of us that wants to... We're shy, or we're ashamed of some parts of ourselves that we don't want to show.I thought it was worthwhile to do it because if we do it, we allow others to realize how we are all the same. And how vulnerable we are. And how strong we can be at the same time. So yeah, I chuck away my pride and I chuck away my ego and I just wrote it as it was.Some potent teachings that Gabriella shares with others nowMe: So now I mean I know you do some really interesting things to help other people. You mentioned that you help women gain confidence, authority and fulfilment in life by knowing their body, doing all kinds of other things, helping them work with their female cycle... So if people want to know more about that, where's the best place for them to find you? I mean I'll put it in the shownotes, but...Gabriella: Well that's another whole story. I came across a lady called Alexandra Pope who talks about menstrual cycle awareness and that was for me life-changing. And so among the many things that I've done and investigated, that was for me as a woman what really made the biggest impact on my life.So therefore I realized that I wanted to spread the message. Because if I'd been instructed, educated by my mother or any other elder woman when I was young and I'd been raised with that awareness, I would have possibly not entered into an abusive relationship. I could have avoided a very painful and expensive divorce and other things. So I realized the potency of that teaching.Where to find GabriellaMe: So for people who want to find out more about that, that's on your website, right?Gabriella: Yes, flyinginspiration.com They can find out more about myself, what I do...Me: And your book as well, right?Gabriella: Yes, they can find the book but they can find lots of information which is free. There are many interviews, articles... It's all there for you.Me: Super! Well thank you so much! Gabriella thank you SO much for your story. I really enjoyed it and I think, you know, I know that it's been quite a journey for you. So I just wanted to thank you for coming on and sharing it with such honesty and beauty!Gabriella: Thank you Barbara, for the possibility to share the message. Hopefully it will help somebody out there today, tomorrow and for the years to come!What to add to food (and other places) when it's cold outsideSo, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you one of the best ingredients you can add to your food when it's cold outside. And as I mentioned, you don't have to just use it for food. You can sprinkle this ingredient inside your socks to help keep you warm! It's also really tasty, and you only need a tiny bit.Have you got an idea what it could be? It is...cayenne pepper!Benefits of cayenne pepperCayenne and other hot spices are great to add to your food when it's cold out, because they literally trick your body into thinking that the food is hotter than it actually is. Not that you need to eat cold food of course, you can heat up soups and things, but cayenne gives your food an extra kick of heat.And yes, you can add it to your socks. On the inside though, otherwise you won't feel it and you'll just be heating your shoes. And do make sure that you haven't got any cuts or open wounds when you do that. You just need a small amount, like a quarter teaspoon.So why does this work? And what other benefits does cayenne pepper have? Well, cayenne contains a substance called capsaicin which increases the circulation in your fingers and toes.Cayenne pepper is also used internally to help with digestion, detoxification, relieving toothaches, boosting your metabolism and helping reduce inflammation.Another curious thing about cayenne pepperAnother curious thing about cayenne pepper, and I think this is quite cool, it's contrary to what we might think. It actually can help in the prevention and healing of ulcers. This is because it inhibits the secretion of acid and stimulates production of alkaline and mucous secretions.Now that might sound kind of gross, but if you've got an ulcer, you might want to take a look at the research article that I'll link to in the show notes to draw your own conclusions.Some people find that applying cayenne pepper directly to the skin can also help with pain from arthritis and headaches, including migraines. Its effects are still being studied, but I would definitely encourage you to try it out for yourself if you think it might help you.If it doesn't work, you haven't lost anything. But if it does work, wow, right? You'll have yourself the cheapest and healthiest medicine ever, and way better for you than aspirin, right?How you eat cayenne pepperWhich brings me to how you eat cayenne pepper, which is very easy.Just add a pinch to soups, curries and other savory dishes. Simple!And if you'd like some ideas for savory dishes, I'll link to my 5-minute recipe ebooks in the shownotes.Have you got a story to share?So I hope you've enjoyed Gabriella's story today as well as our food tips. And if you've got a true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have enhanced or even saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Email me at barbara@rockingrawchef.comGot a question, or a comment?If you enjoy my stories and want to hear more, join us and subscribe! I share one true story a week. And if you've got any questions, just pop them in the comments! And if you're listening on iTunes, do give me a review, that would be awesome.I hope you have an amazing day, thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCES5-minute recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/Article featuring fun tips for your feet, including cayenne pepper: https://feet.thefuntimesguide.com/pepper_for_cold_feet/Article on benefits of cayenne pepper: https://draxe.com/cayenne-pepper-benefits/Study on capsaicin and gastric ulcers: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16621751Gabriella's bio:Gabriella Guglielminotti Trivel is an author, speaker, visionary and female cycle consultant who helps women gain confidence, authority and fulfilment in life by knowing better their body. She helps women to make their female cycle their best friend, couples improve their relationship, find a more satisfying way to communicate and have better intimacy.Gabriella's website: http://www.flyinginspiration.co.uk/Her book: Antarctic Odyssey, A New Beginning

Alexandra Merisoiu shares her story of how she went from guzzling Coke and eating at all hours to lean, fit and healthy. Plus a tiny food that you'd never guess has more calcium than dairy, and a food for sport that keeps you going all day long!The food that I'll share with you is not only an amazing source of protein, energy and healthy fats, but one tiny ounce contains 18% of the recommended daily allowance for calcium. So it's also an amazing bone food for all you people who don't eat dairy and might be worried about where you're getting your calcium. And I bet you don't know what it is! Or maybe you do...you'll find out in a bit! Our guest, Alexandra MerisoiuI am very excited to be joined here today by Alexandra Merisoiu, also known as The Body Engineer.Alexandra specialises in working with runners, beginners and advanced, who want to run faster and further, with less effort and fewer injuries. She also has a 3rd Dan Black Belt in Karate Shotokan, and she is a Martial Arts British National Champion, with a host of national and international awards in the sport, including World Cup Champion. And if that weren't enough, in between helping others with their running, Alexandra still competes at an international level!Alexandra's storySo let's get to the story. Alexandra welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really excited to have you here today!Alexandra: Thank you very much for the invitation. And thank you for the introduction as well.Me: Oh well you're welcome! I just find it astounding, everything that you manage to do. And I don't know how you do it, but I'm sure you'll share a bit about that in a moment.I mean, I know when we talked about you coming on the podcast, you mentioned that there was a time when you were drinking like 2 liters of coke a day and definitely with a very different level of health and fitness compared to what you have today.And I would really love for you to tell everybody how you changed your relationship with food, because there are a lot of things that you've overcome that a lot of people still struggle with, you know?Alexandra: Yeah, well that's true. 2 liters of Coca-Cola, 2 liters of Sprite, I kind of changed from one to the other. Me: Variety, yeah...Training hard in RomaniaAlexandra: I mean, back then in my family I didn't have the education that I have today. When McDonald's came to my country, I was there a few times a week. But we didn't really know what and how and why...Me: Oh sorry, so can you remind people where you grew up, then?Alexandra: Oh yes, in Romania. In Eastern Europe.So I was practising martial arts 6 days a week, sometimes 12 sessions a week. Twice a day was in school holidays.Me: Wow!Alexandra: A holiday with my family didn't really exist because I was always training. And yeah, I was just eating, burning calories, eating, burning calories...There was no way I could have put on weight.But fast forward to today, it's not actually about being able to burn calories. It's about what's going on inside your body, it's all about calories.Alexandra's first turning pointMe: I know you had a turning point at one stage, right? Because you said you had Coke and a sandwich, and...what led you to change?Alexandra: Oh yes, I remember it. I was actually a little bit scared. I was twelve, thirteen years old, and I was eating a sandwich really quick. And I was drinking Coke while eating a sandwich, right?Me: As many people do, right?Alexandra: Yes, and two minutes into eating, I just threw it up. And I think from what I remember, that was the turning point. At that point I just stopped drinking Coca-Cola.Me: Yes because you weren't feeling sick, right? It wasn't like you had an illness and threw up, it was actually the...Alexandra: No, no, I actually think I was getting ready to go to my karate training. I actually went!Me: (laughs) That doesn't surprise me!Alexandra: (laughs) Yes, my training is a bit like if I'm not in the hospital...Me: Were you competing at that time too?Alexandra: Yes, yes, I think my first competition was when I was ten years old, or nine. It was an in-house competition, so small. But yeah, I was competing, and then at fourteen I received my first black belt.A definite U-turnMe: Wow! And what were you thinking when, I mean, you've eaten the sandwich, you've drunk the Coca-Cola, you've thrown it up. I mean, what thoughts were in your head when you were like 'I've had enough, I can't eat this way any more'?Alexandra: Oh it's been such a long time, I don't remember. But the shock of throwing up and of feeling sick...I think it was a U-turn, basically. I don't think I thought about it too much. I don't remember thinking 'Oh this isn't too good for my health'.Me: Yeah, a twelve-year-old probably wouldn't think like that, right?Alexandra: Yes, probably I thought 'This made me throw up so I'm not gonna have it anymore'.From training to clubbingMe: Cause you were quite heavier at one point, right? You said that you were like ten kilos heavier at one stage, so how did that happen?Alexandra: Yeah, so when I was eighteen I stopped karate. I did the other martial arts, but I stopped karate because I started travelling. And I kind of...when you are an athlete, you don't go out much. You don't have a lot of friends.So I made some friends and then we started going clubbing and dancing and drinking and all the other stuff. I saw the other side of life and karate all of a sudden didn't seem so fascinating anymore, you know?I trained less, but I was eating the same. And when you're an athlete and you train 6 times a week, maybe 12 times a week, and you eat a certain quality of food and a certain quantity of food, you're balanced. You don't put on weight.Piling on the poundsBut when you stop that, when you take your training to 3 days a week, and you eat the same, you start putting on weight. And you put on weight fast. So that's what happened. I stopped karate and I went to visit my father who was living in France. With my friend. And basically what we were doing was we were eating McDonald's and other fast food at midnight, and you know, watching movies...Me: Whoa! So like the worst time ever to eat the worst kind of food ever!Alexandra: Exactly! So I think I was there for 2 months during the summer holidays. And when I came back I was 10 kilograms heavier and my mom was like, 'What happened to you!'Me: Ohhh!Alexandra: Of course, going from 49 kilos to 60 kilos doesn't seem like such a big thing. But for me it was a huge contrast.Me: Yeah, because you're not like super tall, right?Alexandra: Yeah, exactly. And as an athlete I was skinny, as skinny as...Me: Skinny as a rail, right?Alexandra: Right! So for me that was a bit of a psychological downfall.Me: Yeah, of course.Weightloss: a fast-moving trainAlexandra: No-one was looking at me in any other way, but it was how I saw myself. I mean, I was used to being lean, being fast and strong. And all of a sudden – well not all of a sudden, over a few months – that changed.Me: But it creeps up on you as well, right? I mean, that's the difficult bit. You said you put it on fast, but I imagine it wasn't like all of a sudden you woke up and the 10 kilos were there, right?Alexandra: No, it wasn't. It was a few months. I don't remember exactly because it was a while ago, but probably when I was in France I put a few kilograms on and then...I see weightloss like a fast moving train. It gains momentum. You put on a little bit of weight and then faster and faster until...Me: Out of control!Alexandra: Yeah, and with weightloss the same, but you have to stop the train and then go back and build the momentum. So that's a weightloss lesson, for example.Me: Yeah, yeah.Alexandra's second turning point: in the poolAlexandra: So one turning point was with Coca-Cola, and the second turning point was with the fast foods when I gained weight and I just didn't feel good about myself anymore.Me: So then you made a massive commitment at that point. What did you say to yourself? Were you just like 'This ends here, I have to just change everything'?Alexandra: Well I actually remember – I don't know if this is the first, but I do remember – I went swimming. There's a 50-meter Olympic swimming pool that I learned to swim in. And I was struggling to do 3 or 4 lengths!Me: Wow!Alexandra: In the past I could do 15, 20...I could just do it! So my fitness level was just...And that was the turning point. That scared me and I thought 'I need to get my fitness back'. And I think that was in 2007 when I became a runner.Motivation for changeMe: Did you start both at the same time then?Alexandra: Yeah, I think from what I remember that I used running to lose the weight. I was also going to the United States, it was the first time that summer and I was going with a working travel program on the shore of the Atlantic. At the beach. So that kind of motivated me more, because my swimming suits weren't fitting me anymore!Me: Oh no!Alexandra: My clothes weren't fitting anymore! Now I do have to say this, because it's really, really important. The people you surround yourself with.I had some very good friends. Very good friends, I learned a lot from them. However from a health and fitness point of view, they weren't the best people to be around me. So in the personal development world, you know, they say you're the average of the 5 people you surround yourself with.And looking back, I didn't know about personal development then. I know now, but looking back, I was drinking a lot. And I could take the spirits. I wouldn't have a hangover. It was so easy for me, that I could just drink.Me: (laughs) I can't do that!Alexandra: (laughs) Well, I can't do that either, it's been 4 or 5 years since I've had a sip of alcohol, so...yeah. The swimming pool, that's what turned me around and made me start running and made the commitment to give up the fast foods.And my mom had a very important role in this. She understood that in order for me to lose the weight and get back to normal, I needed to make some drastic but gradual changes.The plan of attackMe: So what were those changes? Because I know you said you cut out a lot of foods, right?Alexandra: Yeah. So first of all, the drinks. My mom always said, 'Don't drink Pepsi and Coca-Cola and all this stuff. These are the first things to cut out.' So we started with that.And I say 'we' because my mom was there all the time. She always said, 'Have one day a week where you can eat whatever you want. Don't deprive your body because then you will crave it'.And she's right again, right? (laughs) Moms just know!So one day a week I would have, I don't know, whatever I wanted. But it's important to say that I made these decisions. My mom supported and advised. She's not a nutritionist but she has a very good intuition when it comes to nutrition and weightloss.The next foods to go were...The second thing I cut out was pretty much anything that had sugar. So any chocolates, ice creams, anything that tasted sweet.And then we started taking out the potatoes, oh and bread. Bread was actually together with the drinks. The drinks and the bread were like the first things we started with.Me: But when you started, you did it gradually, right? First you cut out the bread and the drinks for a little while, but you were still eating ice cream and other sweet things?Easy does itAlexandra: Yeah. But I wasn't replacing. I was still eating the same amount. So it wasn't like, 'Oh, I'm not gonna drink Pepsi anymore but I'm gonna eat 3 more ice creams!' (laughs) I wasn't eating ice cream every day, I was eating ice cream once or twice a week maybe.Me: But I think that's a really interesting point though. That you did it really gradually. Because most of us are like, 'Right! No more ice cream, no more bread, I'm gonna eat super healthy every day'. And then like 3 days later we just fall down, right? Whereas you did it really gradually, right?So for example, just to give people an idea of the timeline, you know? When you said the drinks and the bread, do you remember how long you went before you decided to cut out the next thing? Was it really like...was there a system behind it? Or did you just go with what you felt?How you can know when you're ready to cut out a foodAlexandra: At that point I didn't know about systems. I just went with what felt comfortable. So if I was still thinking about having Sprite or another fizzy drink, then it meant that I'm not ready for taking out the next food or foods.Me: Oh, that makes sense! Oh!Alexandra: Yeah. So once my craving for something or the thought of having something disappeared...Now for example if I think of a sandwich, no matter how good the sandwich looks, I don't really want it, right?So I guess we went with how I felt. And I think to give people an idea, I probably would go 4 to 6 weeks of taking out one group of foods. Or one food, not necessarily one group of foods.Me: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, because they say it takes at least 30 days if not longer to establish a new habit, right?Here's how to test yourselfThat's really cool, I just want to really emphasize that point, because it would never have occurred to me to cut out one thing and then wait until the cravings for that one thing disappeared before cutting out the next thing! I think that is amazing! I've never heard that before, actually.Alexandra: Well, it's just going with what you feel. It's a test. If you think about having bread, how do you feel? Do you really want it? You know, if you have a slice of bread in front of you, are you gonna take it? Or can you just ignore it?So I think that's when the change happens. When you can go to the next phase.Change for lifeMe: Yeah! Plus the other thing that I love about that is...that's like lifetime change, right? That's not the kind of thing where you fall down again after a year. I mean you hear about people who deprive themselves for months and months and then they just...they manage to go past the 30 days and yet they still fall down because they haven't passed the test yet!Alexandra: Exactly! And no matter, it can be 30 days, it can be...you can do the same habit for 2, 3, 6 months and then go back to it. Seriously. Nothing is guaranteed.Me: Yeah, of course.Alexandra: That's why I don't go with 30 days or 44 or 60...Me: Well, we're all different as well, right? One food isn't going to have the same effect on everybody, right?Alexandra: Exactly, yeah.How to refuse politely...Me: Wow, that's really cool. Oh and I wanted to ask you, because you said that in those first 3 to 6 months, that was the worst, right? And that sometimes you had people offering you other foods, foods that you don't eat and stuff. So how did you manage to a) resist the temptation and b) manage to say no in a nice way? (laughs)Alexandra: (laughs) Yeah, well I don't know how to say no in a nice way actually! (laughs) I say “No thank you” and that's it!Me: (laughs) Oh! Ok! The truth comes out... (laughs)Alexandra: Right, well it's about educating the people around me. It's about how you educate the people around you, or reeducate.So they know I like this kind of cheese, it's like a kind of cottage cheese, a type of cottage cheese pie that we make in the east. And I love it, you know? I always loved it. So all of my family, when you go for Easter, they always have it for me. And it has the right amount of cheese in it... (laughs)And you know, in the first 6 months it was difficult because I was trying to cut out all these things. But there you have it in front of you on the table! So...Me: And made by people for you, right? So the guilt thing could come in if you let it, right?Alexandra: Exactly!What to say to friends and familySo there were 2 ways, well a few ways, actually, out of this situation that people can use.First of all, you say “Thank you, but I can't eat anymore”. You know, after your meal, you are full. “Just leave it for later”, right?Sometimes it's good to tell people, “I don't eat this anymore, but I'll just have a small piece”. And you just have a small piece! Not a whole slice, you know?And here's what you tell yourselfBut it's good to voice it. What you tell yourself, that's what you're going to believe. So if you tell yourself, “I can't eat this” or “I can't have this” or “I'm not allowed this”, it's like an interdiction. You tell your brain you can't have it and it wants more.Me: And you want it, yeah.Alexandra: So what I did – unknowingly I did it – I said, “ I don't have this”. I mean, it's my choice not to have this any more. And in my head I always said that, it's my choice to have this or to not have this.Alexandra: And then, you know, people insist, because, you know, that's how family is...Me: Yup!Get a family member to support youAlexandra: And they're right...I love them all. But I have to say that after a few times of insisting, I would start to get a bit bothered or annoyed by it, and that's when they would leave me alone. (laughs)But also my mom was a big supporter, to be honest. Because she would say “No, no, she doesn't eat that”. And when my mom would say it, then everyone would just let me be.Me: Oh, that's really nice!Alexandra: So it's very important if you can have someone in your family to support you and to, you know, be on your side for the first year or so. That makes a huge difference.Make the right choice, every single dayAnd if not, always remember that your mind is the most powerful. So you make the choice, every single day.Me: I love that. I'm glad you said that again because I love that idea of making the right choice every single day and remembering that it's always a choice. Because it's kind of like reminding yourself how powerful you are over your life, right?Alexandra: Absolutely!Me: Yeah, that's really cool!Alexandra: Many times – even today – when I have pizza...Well, I can have pizza maybe 3 times a year even though it's one of my favorite foods. I always say I want pizza but I never get it.How to take charge of your mindEven if I have a pastry or an ice cream, I always tell myself, “I choose to have this. I don't need it, and I don't crave it, but I choose to have it today”. And if I do crave that stuff, I don't have it in that moment.This is basically one of the food discipline lessons. It's like disciplining my mind to say that if it craves something, it doesn't mean it's gonna have it. So there's no point in craving it. It's when I decide.Me: Oh!Alexandra: There's this book, The Chimp Paradox. You know it.Me: Yeah.Alexandra: It's talking with your chimp, telling it “You're gonna have this when I tell you, not when you want!”Me: Exactly, yeah!Alexandra: So that's one of the food discipline lessons: don't have them when you crave them.Cravings: what they really mean...Me: Yeah! That's really good! And also because some people think that...I think it can be an excuse sometimes. Not all the time, but sometimes...especially if it's something unhealthy. Some people think, 'Oh well, I have this craving because I'm lacking in iron' or some other nutrient. I mean, I don't know what your take is on that?My take is that if it's a healthy food you're craving, yeah then it's probably true. But if it's an unhealthy one...Alexandra: Yeah, absolutely. That's right. If it's unhealthy...If you lack iron, get foods that have iron. Or, I don't know, vitamin E. Get foods that have that. Don't lie to yourself. Don't say, 'I want this pastry' or whatever it is. Or chips, or ice cream, or whatever, because you crave the healthy stuff that's in the chips.If you crave salt, that means maybe you've trained and you haven't replaced your salts. But you can do that without eating chips.Me: Yeah, exactly, yeah. (laughs)Take your time with the processOh I remember what I wanted to ask you. When I read your story on your website, I remember you were saying that it was really important to you to take your time with the whole process. I think you said the whole process took...How long did it take? Like 1 to 2 years or something?Alexandra: Yes, it took about 2 years to get to a stable point, so I took the 10 kilograms off. Then I would know that I could eat other stuff and not put on weight.But I have to say that I did not want to deprive myself and restrict myself, right? So in the 2 years my weight went up and down. You know, 2 kilos down then half a kilo up, then 1 kilo down and 2 kilos up. So up and down, up and down. I wasn't looking to starve myself. I didn't want to be hungry. That was the last thing.Me: Oh yeah, yeah.Alexandra: So I would eat quite a lot of healthy stuff. I would eat quantity and quality. Both. So that's why my weight went slowly. 1 to 2 years.But at the end of 2 years I could start eating other stuff as well without worrying about it. Although if I had eaten cakes and stuff in the first 6 months to 1 year, I don't think I would have actually taken the weight down. Because I would have just fallen back into...Me: Old habits, right?Alexandra: I still have that one day a week. That's really important.Me: Yeah, that's really good! And so for the other 6 days a week, what do you eat typically now?What Alexandra eats nowAlexandra: Well, since then, this is what I eat. I would say 80% of my food is fresh vegetables. I have salads and fresh vegetables in my fridge day in and day out, 80%. Then about 10% is dairy, 10% is meat. Meat I would say...turkey and...turkey, actually. Chicken very little, and the rest is mostly when I go home and my mom says “Have this because it's healthy”. And I say “Mom even if I don't have it, I'm not going to be unhealthy”. But yeah, meat's about 10%.Me: And fruit? Do you have fruit as well?Alexandra: Yes, I have berries, but not as much as I used to. Berries I have, but not the other fruit. The reason for that is because fruit is healthy but it still has a lot of sugar. I love fruit! I can eat 2 or 3 kilos of apples a day! Without my stomach having any problems.Me: Wow! That's a lot of apples!Alexandra: Yeah, I can eat that. Or clementines...I like them. They're fresh, they're sweet, they have water so they hydrate me, so I like it. So for me fruit is...I need to be in control, because otherwise I could just eat fruit all day!Me: Oh, OK!Alexandra: Yes, it's healthy, but it's a lot of sugar.Alexandra's other food guidelinesMe: And is that something that you suggest to the people that you train? To the people that you work with? To eat very little fruit?Alexandra: Well, I advise them 5 a day, as a nutritional guideline. But obviously you can have 6 or 7, you can have less. Everyone has to know where they're at.Like I don't need that much fruit. I need vegetables, fresh vegetables. If I don't have vegetables...Red peppers, I like red peppers because they are very refreshing with all the water. I like baby plum tomatoes because again, they're slightly sweet, but they have water in them. So for me if I don't have that, at the end of the day I feel like I'm missing something.For some people, if they don't have some fruit they'll feel like that. So you kind of have to look at it and judge the what and how to have the minerals and vitamins that you need. But again I take, upon my Sensei's advice, I take a multivitamin. Because I train so much, he said 'You need to get this, because the foods nowadays are not the ones you grew up with'.You can still do it, even working full timeMe: And one thing that I read in your story where I almost fell off my chair, I mean I was like amazed. When you started running and eating really healthily and doing all the food and stuff, you were working like 8 hours a day? Is that right? In an office?Alexandra: Yeah, at some point I was working 8 hours a day, 9 to 5.Me: Oh wow!Alexandra: So in the morning I would wake up at 5. And I was a student back then, yes?Alexandra's routine (in a full time job)This was my routine, and I loved it actually. At 5 am I would wake up, by 5:15 I was out the door going for a run, running 1 hour. 1 hour meant 12 k for me. Then I'd come back and cook breakfast and cook lunch, had breakfast and took the lunch to go. I took my bike, because I could cycle about half an hour to my office.I was working in corporate banking back then. And, you know, I would stay for 8 hours there. And like anyone who works in an office, people would come with chocolates and with biscuits and all the other stuff. My answer was always, “Thank you, but I don't eat this kind of stuff”. Not like that, but “Thank you, I don't eat that”.And from time to time if it was someone's birthday, I would take a small piece of chocolate. But one – and one every once in a blue moon. Most of the time though I'd say no thank you, even if I was hungry. I would have a tea, I don't know, I would just...Me: Yeah, the reason I ask is because there are so many people who are working full time in an office, and they already struggle with just eating healthy, you know? So being able to do that, plus working in the exercise regimen as well, I mean I just find that really incredible.And evening classes on top of everything elseAlexandra: And after that actually I would cycle to university which was about 1 hour cycling. I would have my master's degree and most of my classes were in the evening by then. It was full time, but classes were in the evening. I would have my master's degree classes, and then I would be back at 7 or 8. Then I would eat something, and then go ice skating if it was winter, or go for another run if it was not winter.Me: Wow! And you were still competing at that stage, right?Alexandra: No, at that stage I wasn't competing anymore. That was...I think I was 19 or 20 years old. So I left karate behind for a while and then I started another martial art: Daitoryu, the ancestor of aikido. I don't remember when I started it, I was doing it at the weekend, 3 hours on Saturday and 3 hours on Sunday I think. It was in the time I was in corporate banking. I think that's what it was, if I remember well.Me: So then how did you...You were in corporate banking and then 1 to 2 years later, you lose all the weight, you get really trim again, and then you went back to competing, is that right?Competing againAlexandra: I went back to competing when I moved to England. So I moved to England when I was 24, I went to London when I was 25, so about 5 years ago. I joined the SKC – Shotokan Karate England. They invited me in the squad and I've been in the squad for 3 and a half years now I think. And now I wear the English flag!Me: That's really cool! That's so cool! I really love your story, I think it's just absolutely incredible. And I really want people to know where they can find you, because you help other people do the same, right?Can you say a little bit about what you're helping people with now, and what you've got going on at the moment?How Alexandra helps others nowAlexandra: Right, so now I specialize in working with runners. I'm very passionate about body mechanics. And that's because I've had a lot of injuries when I was 12 or 13. Structural injuries, damage to joints. So my interest in how the body functions was fueled by that curiosity to understand why that happens.So now I specialize in working with runners who experience these injuries. Obviously not any injury. Some injuries you need to see a physio, osteopath, chiropractor, it depends on the injury. But a lot of aches and pains come from the way we use...the way we move, particularly if you're a runner.I'm also qualified to work with lower back pain...people...so most lower back pain is due to activity - a lack of it, or the wrong type of activity and poor posture, so we work on that. And obviously the nutrition, the food discipline lessons which are part of my system.How people can get in touch with me is through themerisoutechnique.com - or easier – themtechnique.com – m like Mike. And should I say something about my event in the summer?Me: Yes! There's an event you're doing that I've got to have you talk about, because I just think it's fantastic! I looked at the description and if I didn't have events of my own going on, I would be on a plane! I want to hear all about it!Alexandra's summer eventsAlexandra: It's called Dracula's Retreat.Me: Yay!Alexandra: As the name goes, it's at Dracula's castle. Well, it's not at Dracula's castle, it's like 1 kilometer away.Me: But still! That's pretty close!Alexandra: (laughs) Some people think it's scary, but it's not scary.Me: No, it looks beautiful!Alexandra: Yes, and in summer because we will be in the mountains, you have the green, you have the forest, you have trails to go up the mountain.3 aspects to the retreatSo Dracula's Retreat has 3 components.One is touristic, so obviously you learn about the culture of Transylvania, you learn about Dracula's story, you visit the castle, then another fortress which is close by. Then it's the fitness, so we will go hiking. Now hiking is more like trekking. So we don't need axes...Me: (laughs) You're not gonna be chopping down the jungle and stuff.Alexandra: (laughs) Not on this occasion, no. And natural movement fitness. Now if we have runners, we go running. And actually we do have runners as well. And natural movement fitness, which has to do with animal movements, balance, logs: carrying, throwing, lifting logs, slack lines...So for people who don't know, that's a flat type of rope, you'd call it. But it's flat and it's slack, so for upper body exercises. Hanging off of branches...And it's all about exploring nature, leveraging nature. And understanding that to get fit and healthy and to experience the joy of training, you don't really need a gym. So people who are bored with the gym, they come to me, basically. And then there's the social part because you get to be with a group of people and you do the whole thing...The food is also a very important part of it.Me: Yup, I'll bet!Alexandra: Trying to keep it as healthy as possible, but it will be traditional. So there will be the odd pleasure for everyone.Mindfulness and meditationMe: Yup! And there's a meditation aspect to it too, right? A mindfulness component to it?Alexandra: Well, yes. Natural movement and balance exercises first of all, you know, you need that body awareness and mindfulness. But we will go through guided meditations. Guided meditations are a big part of Qigong and Tai chi which are a big part of my personal training.We will practice breathing exercises, mindfulness meditations, and some Qigong exercises. We're gonna look at what Chinese medicine says and how the meridians connect to the internal organs. I'm not a Chinese medicine expert, but I read a lot and I practice a lot, so...I'll be just sharing the knowledge.Me: Oh, that's really cool. And so where's the best place for people to find information about the retreat? I mean, I'll link to it in the shownotes, but...Alexandra: Simply draculasretreat.comMe: Oh! That's easy! Alexandra thank you so much, I mean I just love your story, I mean, it's inspiring and also I learned a lot. I can't wait to hear how Dracula's Retreat went, and I'm definitely coming on one of them!Alexandra: Yes, it's going to be every year. This is it. I have such a big vision for it, and it's going to be an amazing adventure, really. I'm taking people on an adventure, not only on a retreat.Me: No, of course. That's really cool.Well thank you so much, I'll link to everything that you've mentioned in the shownotes so that people can find it easily. I'm going to share our food tip now, and thank you so much! Awesome!Food for sportRight, so I also mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you a tiny but amazing food that is an incredible source of protein, energy, healthy fats and calcium. Not only is it a fantastic food for sport, but it's a great bone food as well. And that food is...are you ready?Chia seeds!Benefits of chia seedsChia seeds are one of the best foods ever for everybody to eat in my opinion. I don't really care if you're vegan, vegetarian, paleo, junk food addict – you want to be eating these little guys. They have so many benefits it's ridiculous. I'll link to a really good article that I found in the show notes if you'd like to read more about the health benefits and the nutritional analysis of chia seeds. And a recipe of my own as well.Eating chia seeds has been linked to not only bone health, but also gut health, stabilizing your blood sugar and helping reduce inflammation.Components of chia seedsOne cool thing about chia seeds is that they do contain a good amount of fiber but they're also gentle on the gut. So this is important for people who have trouble digesting high-fiber foods like broccoli and cauliflower. Chia seeds actually are soothing for your whole digestive tract.They're small and hard when you get them in the packet, but when you soak them or when they mix with your digestive juices and things, they puff up and they're quite viscous which sounds horrible but they're actually quite delicious!They also contain minerals like phosphorus, manganese and magnesium, as well as calcium. And for those of you who don't eat dairy and you get people asking where you get your calcium, you can tell them that ounce per ounce, chia seeds actually contain more calcium than most dairy products.Chia seeds are also a complete protein, so if you don't eat meat and you get the 'where do you get your protein' question, well you can tell them that one ounce of chia seeds has 4 grams of protein. So you won't wilt.Why chia seeds are a great food for sport On the contrary. Besides providing protein, calcium, minerals and antioxidants, chia seeds also release energy over a long period of time rather than all at once. That's why they're such a good food for sport.Also if you've got a long day ahead of you and you know you won't be able to eat for a while, chia seeds can help keep you going for longer. You can try this out for yourself actually, have yourself a chia seed pudding for breakfast and see how you feel.How you use chia seedsWhich brings me to how you eat chia seeds. A lot of people just sprinkle the dry seeds over food, like you would any seed. Over salads, for example. Because they absorb liquid, you can also use them to thicken sauces and other dishes.But my favorite way to eat chia seeds is to soak them in some nut milk for an amazing pudding. It's a bit like tapioca, so if you like tapioca, you'll love chia seed pudding.There's a lot of them out there on the internet which you can find, but I've got a gorgeous recipe for chia seed pudding on my website which I'll link to in the shownotes, along with other recipes as well.And as an extra special bonus for you, Alexandra has an extra special recipe that uses chia seeds!Alexandra's super food for sport recipeAlexandra: Right! So I compete a lot. I go to a competition at 8 am and I come back home at 9 or 10 pm, so it's a very long day. And in 12 hours, I probably compete 10 or 15 minutes throughout the day.Me: Wow!Alexandra: Yeah, sometimes I have my fights at like 6 or 7 pm. So it's like, it did happen, I had one fight at 7 pm. You have one event in the evening. Because it's senior – senior meaning plus 21 - you have to wait a lot.So I read in a book this chia seed drink. The first time I had it was the world championships in Bulgaria, and I did not need water, or food, or anything else for the whole day. I was not hungry. And it was really amazing, because by 4 or 5 pm, I would be so dehydrated that nothing – tea, water...No matter how much I would drink, I would be dehydrated. My tissues, my body...my body was just saturated with water.Having this drink, what it did was it kept my energy levels up. I did not need to eat solid foods because it gives you protein, omega 6 and 3 fats, and in the drink it also has carbohydrates. You also have something that gives you a bit of a zing.So I was with my energy levels up, nourished, hydrated, focused...pretty awesome. Strong! Everyone else by 7 pm, they were down, you know, they can't drink anymore...but I was, yeah!How you make itFor the drink, how I make it, so everyone needs to test and see whatever they like. 500 ml of water, 2 tablespoons of chia seeds, the juice of 1 lime...sometimes I put 1 ½ depending on how sour I want it. And 2 or 3 teaspoons of organic honey. You just mix it up, shake it up, and it becomes like a gel to be honest. You just drink it throughout the day.I have 3 or 4 bottles with me when I go to a competition. And I had 3 competitions already. I tested it – it works!No drugs, just food for sportMe: Wow! That is so cool! And I think you said somebody...you were afraid they were gonna think you were on like, you know, performance enhancing drugs!Alexandra: Yeah! Well, you know, it's a food. So if they were to test anything, they wouldn't find anything besides chia seeds! (laughs)Me: (laughs) They'd find a lot of chia seeds!Alexandra: A lot of chia seeds! But yeah, people look a bit weird at you because the bottle is see-through, you know? You can see all the bits, and they don't really know what it is. So you have to say, “It's chia seeds, it's a food”.But you know, it's not their problem. As long as you don't have any weird substances. And you don't need weird substances, you know? You have all these foods...try this! This is good!And for runnersAnd if you're a runner and you do marathons and stuff, see if you can create a thicker gel. You put it in those pouches, and it's a lot better than the geogels and all that other stuff.Me: Oh yeah, yeah.Alexandra: Much, much, much better, so...Me: That's fantastic, yay! You guys have to try it! I'm gonna try it! Thank you so much!Alexandra: My pleasure.Have YOU got a story to share?So I hope you've enjoyed Alexandra's amazing story today as well as our food tips. And if you've got a crazy, true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have been helpful, or even saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESAlexandra's website: http://themerisoiutechnique.com/unleash-your-physical-potentialAlexandra's retreat: http://draculasretreat.com/Book The Chimp ParadoxChia seed pudding recipe: http://rockingrawchef.com/gluten-free-rice-pudding-recipeOther 5-minute recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/Article on benefits of chia seeds: https://authoritynutrition.com/11-proven-health-benefits-of-chia-seeds/Alexandra Merisoiu, The Body Engineer, is the Founder of The Merisoiu Technique Institute and Dracula’s Retreat. She is also a qualified Low Back Pain Prevention Exercise Instructor and REPS registered. She specialises in working with runners, beginners and advanced, who want to run faster and further, with less effort and fewer injuries. This is done through natural movement fitness and running technique and mechanics.

Even after divorce you may find yourself running away with a handsome stranger to a foreign land...complete with happy endings, food and intuition and how to get yourself some more clarity in your life.And at the end of this episode I'll share with you one of my favorite things to eat to help increase your intuition – which could really come in handy if you've got a tough decision to make like our guest Darla did. Our guest, Darla AntoineI am super excited to be joined here today for our story by Darla Antoine. Darla is a soul coach, and she works with the elements of what she calls Sacred Darkness, such as dreamwork, divination and deathwork (which is not as scary as it sounds, she tells me). Darla will tell you a bit more about what she does later on, but first I really want you to hear her story which I just can't wait to share with you because it's gonna be great!So Darla welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really excited to have you here today!Darla: I'm excited to be here Barbara!Me: It's really great, I mean, I can't wait to hear your story because when you told me about it, I was like “That could have happened to me!”Darla: I know, right? Me: Because we've both had kind of like crazy pasts. And I know that it starts with a husband and kind of moves on from there with the mysterious stranger. So do you want to tell us what happened?Darla: Sure, OK.Darla's storySo I got married young, I was about 22 years old which was in 2004 and I loved my first husband, obviously. We're both from Washington State and we moved to Iowa.He started going to grad school to become a chiropractor, I started to go to grad school in New Mexico for intercultural communication. The last year of his chiropractic school, he had to work under a chiropractor, so we moved to Spain.Learning Spanish from very youngEver since I was a little girl, I always knew that I'd be moving to a Spanish-speaking country. At 6 years old I was trying to teach myself Spanish, I just knew I needed to learn Spanish.Me: Oh that's so cute!Darla: Yeah, and so this was it. We were moving to Spain and he knew he was gonna work under a doctor in Spain and we were gonna stay in Spain for as long as we wanted, and that whole thing. And I was like “Yes! It's finally happening!” I was about 26 years old at this point.But the long distance...I was living in New Mexico, he was living in Iowa and Spain. And we were only seeing each other every few months, which started to weigh on the relationship and there were other issues...Me: Oh, so you didn't go to Spain with him then?Darla: I did, but I also was going to grad school so in summer breaks or on vacation I'd take time off to go and work on our relationship.Whose dream will come true: mine or yours?But anyway we had a great time in Spain, but the distance was wearing on us and there were other issues about...Have you seen the movie LaLa Land?Me: No, but I know lots of people have.Darla: Yes, lots of people have. And the movie ends not the way you think it's going to end. It's very obvious that if the couple had ended up together, that only one of their dreams would come true. Not both of their dreams would come true.So that's how it was with my ex-husband. If I'd stayed with him, his dreams would have come true but my dreams wouldn't. I would just be the supporting role, and blah blah blah.So I was in a very tough position of walking away from our life in Spain in our relationship and going alone on my own and that's what my gut was telling me. I had a very profound dream that backed that up, and I went to a psychic for the first time in my life. She told me, she confirmed what I was feeling and confirmed that yes there was another life waiting for me if I wanted it, and that soon I would be travelling to Costa Rica for research. And I would meet someone there, and this someone would be involved in sustainability, eco living and such. I thought “OK, that's interesting”.And then I asked her some more questions and I got off the phone and made the tough decision. Not just right then and there, but over the next few weeks I slowly dissolved our marriage. It was very difficult.I left Spain and came back to the States and then I had taken the semester off from grad school. I wasn't in grad school in New Mexico, I was up in Washington State with my parents. You know, 26, 27 years old, living with my parents again.Me: I know what that's like, I did that once, it wasn't fun.Looking for a farmDarla: So it was this time of year, late March, early April, and I thought well I need to keep my focus on the future so I don't go crazy.I was studying intercultural communication and I wrote my masters thesis on how food creates cultural identity and legacy, so I thought “I'm gonna get out of the library and I'm gonna go work and visit farms and talk about how food is affecting people's cultural identity and their cultural legacy.So I started looking for permaculture farms in the Washington State, British Columbia area. And somehow I landed on a site for a permaculture farm in Costa Rica.Me: Uh-oh!Darla: Yeah! The psychic's words from 3 weeks ago? I totally didn't think even about it, it didn't even cross my mind. I'd forgotten what she'd said.So I thought “well this is interesting”. I sent them an email, and they wrote right back and they said “We'd love to have you come and volunteer, we could use you next month”. And I'm like “Next month is 10 days away, I should ask my husband about this” and I thought “I don't have to ask my husband about this, he's not gonna be my husband much longer”.Then I thought, “I should ask my mom about this” and I thought “No, no, I'm 26 years old, I don't have to ask my mom about this!” So I had like almost no money, I booked the ticket and did a happy dance because I was stepping into my own adulthood, making my own decisions, doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it, and it felt really good!10 days later I was being dropped off at the end of a road in Costa Rica. And it wasn't until I had booked the ticket and wrote back that yes I'd be there in 10 days...That's when I remembered the psychic's words that I'd be going to Costa Rica for research.Me: Wow!Darla: And I got goosebumps, I thought “Oh my gosh, something's gonna happen!”Life on a hippy farmIt was great! It ended up being like a really disorganized hippy farm. I didn't learn anything about permaculture!Me: That's hysterical!Darla: I was disappointed but then I just embraced it. I was like “You know what? This is like summer camp for adults. This is fine”.I was gonna stay for a month but I ended up extending my stay for two months and I didn't have any money to pay the $300 to stay there for a month. So I made a trade: I would be the cook for the second month in exchange for staying. And so when you're the cook for 20 people, you're cooking all day.Me: Yeah, I know what that's like too!Darla: Yeah! So the first month was all summer camp and the second month was like work. But it was what I needed. I got to be around people who didn't know me as so-and-so's wife. They just were meeting me at face value and embracing me and loving me, and some of the people I met there are still really dear friends today.Me: And how was your Spanish at that time?Darla: It was pretty good. It wasn't as good as I thought it was, but it was pretty good because I'd been living in Spain. And I took Spanish in high school and college because I just always knew that I needed to learn Spanish. It's the only foreign language I've bothered to learn.From summer camp to full time cookSo about 3 weeks into my time there I was cooking. I wasn't officially the cook yet, but I was filling in for someone and I was cooking. And the guy who owns this farm also used to own a tour guiding company. He would bring in mostly college students who were on a tour. They would come in through his farm for a day or two and learn about permaculture and then go on the rest of their tour in the country.So one of these tours was coming through, there were about 18 college students. I was told they would be here at about 8 pm. Now there are two ways to get to this farm: you could hike through the jungle for an hour and a half, or you could take a 30-minute boat ride. It was very isolated which was perfect for me.So I was told that they were going to be walking in and the next day boating out and to have dinner ready by 4, they'd be arriving by 3, perfect. They'd be led by their Costa Rican tour guide. OK.And one day, among the vegetables...I'm in the kitchen and I'm chopping vegetables and all of a sudden there's this redhead standing in my kitchen. He's decked out in all this fancy gear. Fancy outdoor gear. And I'm thinking because he's pale-skinned and redheaded, “He must be one of the professors”. He looked about 30 years old. The group's arriving. And sure enough I see some college students walking in behind him.Well I immediately get super annoyed with him. I'm like “Who is this guy?” I don't see the Costa Rican tour guide anywhere.A friend and I had just gotten lost on that trail between the farm and the nearest town the week before. It's a very difficult trail, you need to know what you're doing.I'm like “Here's some hotshot young professor, he's ditched the tour guide, showing off, he's wearing a whole bunch of gear he's never gonna wear again, it's obviously all brand new...”Me: It's interesting how many assumptions you made though, right?Darla: I made so many assumptions! And I was so annoyed. And then I saw the way he was looking at me. Then I thought “Oh my God, this guy's gonna be a pain, he's gonna want to flirt with me...”So here's the thing, I very seriously thought, “He's gonna want me to move to Michigan to the suburbs and have babies!”Me: Oh that's hysterical!Darla: I don't know why Michigan, but Michigan popped up and I was like “I don't want to move to the suburbs and have babies in Michigan! No offense.”Me: Now I'm laughing because I know what happens afterwards, right?Darla: So yes, but then he thought I was Costa Rican. He opened his mouth to introduce himself and it was in Spanish, in perfect, 'this is my first language' Spanish. Not 'I've learned Spanish really well and I can introduce myself' Spanish. It was perfect Spanish.And OK, well, I stopped, my eyes popped out, my mouth might have dropped open a little bit, and I was like “OK well you just got more interesting!” I was kind of shocked and I didn't say anything, so then he took my shock for not understanding, and he switched to perfect, 'this is my first language' English!He said “Hi, I'm Andy, I'm the tour guide”. And I was like, “OK, hello!”Me: All your assumptions were gone, right?Darla: All my assumptions were gone, which was wonderful! It was nice to be surprised. In less than 24 hours...And there was definitely some attraction between us, but he remained very professional. He was there at the farm for less than 24 hours, so he didn't try to sneak off into the bushes with me...Me: Did you regret that?Darla: Yeah! But then I thought well, he doesn't just hit on every cute girl he comes across, this is something. So it turns out his parents emigrated to Costa Rica when he was in the womb, when his mother was pregnant with him, from Michigan! They came from Michigan in 1978 and moved to Costa Rica and he had been born and raised in Costa Rica by US immigrant parents.And before they left the next day, we exchanged email addresses and he said, “I don't care when you come back to Costa Rica, I don't care if it's next month, next week, one year, two years from now, you let me know the next time you come back to Costa Rica and I'm gonna take you out on a date”.Me: Oh! It's like something out of a movie!Darla: Yeah, it really was! But I thought, “well you're cute but I'm never gonna see you again”. I took his email address and neither one of us were big on Facebook but we eventually added each other to Facebook and I went back to New Mexico to finish my graduate degree, I got another boyfriend and kind of forgot about him, honestly.Two years later...And twice over the course of two years he emailed me via Facebook and all the conversation was “How are you?” “I'm fine, how are you?” “I'm fine” “Good”. That was it. Hardly no conversation at all.Me: Wow.Darla: Yeah. But then I was finishing grad school and I thought “You know, I'm gonna go back to Costa Rica, that's really where I feel like I started to become my own adult. And I'm gonna go back for a few weeks and go visit friends that I made there before I go get a job and have to ask a boss for permission for vacation”.So I was making plans to go back to Costa Rica when he emailed me, Andy, this guy in Costa Rica. He emailed me out of the blue. And I'm like “Oh actually I'm coming to Costa Rica, do you still want to go on that date?” And I thought he could have been married with kids, then, I don't know.Me: Yeah, because it was two years later, right?Darla: Yeah, it was two years later. And he immediately wrote back and said “Let me know when you're coming and I'll pick you up at the airport”.Me: Ohhhhh!Darla: And I thought, “Oh dear!”Falling in love...So it went from being seeing him for a night, going on a date, to spending the entire 3 weeks with him. He drove me all over the country, we fell in love.Now here's the thing: the psychic said I would meet someone in Costa Rica and that they would be involved in sustainable living. And he has an organic sustainable farm, he and his sisters run an eco lodge, so yeah.We live on an organic, sustainable homestead now in Costa Rica, and it's been 6 years. Actually 6 years earlier this week, we celebrated it's been 6 years since I came to Costa Rica to see him, and we've got two little boys, and we're madly in love with each other still.Me: Oh wow! That's such a nice story! And it has a happy ending as well, doesn't it?Darla: It does, yeah.Me: And one of the things that came out when we were talking about this was you were saying how your intuition really helped you to make some of the right decisions. Do you want to say more about that? Were there specific moments when you just tuned into yourself? And how did you do that?Darla: Yes, so my intuition really started picking up at the same time as my marriage started ending. And I've always been a really strong dreamer. Dreaming has always been a really great way to get messages to me from the divine.So one was I had a dream right before I ended it with my husband that confirmed that I needed to end it. Two was right before I came here to visit Andy, speaking of dreams, anyway. A most powerful dreamI woke up in the early morning and I started coughing. Like I'd been sleeping with my mouth open or something and my throat was dry. So I started coughing and I needed to get some water. There was water across my room on my desk, but I was still dreaming. And I had this very vivid image of like my astral body or something in the cosmos. Like I was flying through stars, I've never consciously remembered something like this.And I was zooming to get back to my body because my body needed me, but there were these two orbs of light going with me. Like we'd been out playing in the cosmos. I got back into my body and I woke up, but these orbs of light were laughing at me. They were taunting me. They were like “Ha ha, look who has a body! Look who needs to get back to their body! Ha ha!”And as I got back into my body and I started becoming conscious, I could still see and hear them and the more I woke up, the more they faded. Then I tried to get up out of bed to go get the water and I fell to the floor, like I couldn't operate my body. I still wasn't completely back into it.Me: Wow!Darla: I started laughing and I had to like drag myself across the floor to get my glass of waterMe: Yeah cause you must have been really thirsty!Darla: Yeah! By the time I'd had a glass of water I had regained function of my body, but I just felt that those two orbs were gonna be my children.Me: Oh! Wow!On paper? Insane. But in reality...Darla: Yeah, this was about a month before I came to visit Andy on the trip that we fell in love. So I thought, “OK, things are shifting in my life. Things are changing. A whole new energy is coming”.And then sure enough within like 8 months after we got together, I was pregnant by the end of that same year with my first son. So yeah, so the dreams definitely told me that shifts were coming and that changes were coming.But then also just the gut feeling that I had that “This is crazy, I left one husband and now I'm moving to a foreign country to be with a guy”.On paper it all sounded insane, but in my heart and in my gut I knew that this was right, this was what I'd been preparing my whole life for. I always knew that I needed to speak Spanish. I always knew that my partner, my mate, was far, far away in another country. Ever since I was a little girl, I just knew it.Me: That's really funny that you say that about the Spanish, because I was told years and years ago by a psychic that...I was learning French at the time and the psychic was like, “Well, you really need to learn Spanish” and I was like, “Really?” I was in high school, I was like 18 or something, you know? And I wound up using Spanish when I was 38! But use it I did and, you know, married a Mexican, yeah, all that stuff. So it sometimes takes quite a long time to manifest, right? But it does, it's there.What Darla does now to help othersSo talking about dreams and intuition, I think that links really well to the kind of thing that you're doing now with people. Do you want to say a little bit about that? And then, you know, where people can find you?Darla: Sure. So one of the biggest things I love helping people with, especially women but men as well, I love helping them also tap into their dreams. Even if you haven't remembered a dream in years or whatever, you can regain your dreams.And on my website which is – should I give my website address?Me: Yeah, sure!Darla: OK my website is thecopperscarab.com I've got a whole bunch of blog articles that can help you reclaim your dreams. But I also have a course that will just walk you through everything you need to know about dreams.Death work and transitionsI also help people with death work. This is kind of a new door I've got my foot in, but I really love it. I think death work is something that's present at any time of transition, and it's something that really helped me navigate divorce. It helped me navigate moving to another country, and it helped me navigate becoming a mom. Because the old 'me' had to die. Well, all three of those things. I had to shed an old version of me.And between divorce and moving to another country and becoming a mom, I think motherhood has been the hardest transition for me. Maybe because there's so much joy and love wrapped up in it as well, it's not just that I'm cutting off this part of my life and moving on. You have to keep living and interacting and loving this new life. And it's also very painful. It can be very painful and a very hard transition.Divination for everyoneSo I help women transition through big life transitions with death work, and then I'm a big fan of divination. Dreaming I think is a form of divination, but especially when you've got big decisions to make. It's really easy to get stuck in your head or stuck in your emotions and you kind of need a way to get the clarity without the emotions and without influencing it yourselves, so learning a divination tool is really helpful. Whether it's tarot, or claircognizant - inner knowing - or dreamwork, or anything like that. I think at least a form of divination is really important for everyone to know.Me: Yeah, I'd agree with that, cause I think it's just really empowering, you know? To know that you've got this tool to make really important decisions yourself, right?Darla: Exactly.Me: Yeah, that's really cool. I'll definitely put the link to your website in the shownotes as well, and I'll get into the food tips in just a moment.But first I wanted to thank you so much for being here to share your story cause I love your story and I also love what you do. So I'm gonna encourage people massively to check you out and see what you do because it's just amazing, so thank you for being here with me!Darla: Thanks for having me!Me: You're very welcome!Food and intuitionSo, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you one of my favorite foods to help with your intuition in case you've got any difficult decisions to make, among other things.This food is very common and I'm sure you've eaten it already without knowing the amazing good that it's doing for your mind!The food is...almonds!Now I'm not talking roasted, salted almonds. I'm talking about fresh, raw almonds.Benefits of almondsAlmonds are a great source of vitamin E, protein and calcium, which are all nutrients that our endocrine glands absorb and which therefore can help bring us clarity of mind, focus and heightened intuition.How you use almondsHow do you use almonds? Well you can eat them raw by the handful, of course. You can sprinkle them on salads or eat them in a trail mix. But no matter how you eat them, one thing I would say is that to get maximum benefit from your almonds, it's best to soak them first for a few hours. I soak mine overnight or while I go out for the day.The reason I say to soak them is because nuts have a natural coating of enzyme inhibitors which can make them heavy to digest. The enzyme inhibitors are natural, and they're the reason you can walk through the grocery store and not a forest. They tell the nuts to wait to become a tree until they've got not just light, but water as well. So when you soak them, you're basically activating them. You're telling them that it's time to release that fabulous growth potential – which you absorb when you eat them soaked. It's kind of like eating the potential of an entire tree with each soaked nut. Pretty cool, right?Think of sprouts – it's the same principle. You're eating the potential of an entire plant in each sprout. That's why you've heard that they're so good for you.Where to find out moreAnyway, if you want some specific recipes for using almonds, I have lots in my 5-Minute recipe ebooks that I'll link to in the show notes.The link between food and intuition is actually one of my favorite topics, so I'll also link to an article of mine that goes into more detail about several foods that you can eat to help improve your intuition.And for those of you who want to read more about the science behind food and intuition, I'll link to an excerpt from the best resource that I found which comes from a book called Nutrition for Intuition, written by Doreen Virtue and Robert Reeves and published by Hay House.I'll also link to an article that has more information on other health benefits of almonds in case you find that useful, because there are a LOT of them!Have YOU got a story to share?Which brings us to the end of this week's story – and if you've got a crazy, true story to share (and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation),  I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment?Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes.I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now!RESOURCESDarla's website: thecopperscarab.comArticle on food for intuition: https://rockingrawchef.com/increase-intuition-with-food/Excerpt from article on food and intuition from the book Nutrition for Intuition:  http://www.fourcornersmagazine.com/sedonaconsciousmag/nutrition-for-intuition-by-doreen-virtue-and-robert-reeves/Article on other benefits of almonds: https://draxe.com/almonds-nutrition/5-Minute recipe ebooks: https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/About Darla AntoineDarla is a soul coach who helps women navigate times of transition and dark nights of the soul utilizing what she calls the Elements of Sacred Darkness: Dreamwork, Divination and Deathwork (not as scary as it sounds). She is also the mother of two young boys and lives on a homestead in Costa Rica. By accident.

  From the arms of a martial arts instructor to a Russian yoga teacher, all while mourning the loss of her mom and renewing herself, Francesca shares her journey which has led her to teaching and coaching others worldwide. And at the end of this episode I'll share with you a tiny food that is a big powerhouse for helping fight depression as well as balancing hormones. Our guest, Francesca Gentillé I am very excited to be joined here today by Francesca Gentillé, who is an initiated shaman in 4 traditions, a clinical sexologist, she's an empowered aging specialist, and a relationship counselor. She has published, appeared on television and also teaches all over the world. Francesca has an incredible story to share with us today as well as a really generous gift just for listeners of Clean Food, Dirty Stories, which we'll share with you later. First though, let's get to the story. So Francesca welcome to the Clean Food, Dirty Stories podcast! I'm really excited to have you here today! Francesca: I am so delighted to be here Barbara. Barbara is also one of my favorite people in the world; creative, talented, big hearted. Me: Well we've had a lot of adventures together. We have enough stories to fill up an entire season of a podcasts all by ourselves. But for today's story I know that like me you grew up with depression. Also, you had some quite heavy food intolerances where you may have felt like you were almost in the wrong kind of family. So can you tell us a bit about that? Francesca's story Francesca: Yes absolutely. I was raised in a very loud, periodically, emotionally volatile, creative, dynamic, great cook Italian family, an Italian American family. And my mother was bipolar: it was the worst of times and the best of times, and of course they were cooking Italian. So there were lots of pastas and wonderful homemade pizzas and canola. Me: Sounds like heaven. Francesca: It was on the one hand beautiful and so tasty but I would always feel tired and I would feel depressed and they would say in the family that I was always sleeping. They'd say "Why is she so sensitive?" Enter the food intolerances I think some of our sensitivities are signs of being a shaman and but on the other hand I think some of the sensitivity was exacerbated by the food intolerances. And I didn't know this until many years later when a friend of mine was reading The Body Ecology Diet for candida yeast infection that wouldn't go away. She said that when she started doing the diet her yeast infection not only went away, but within two weeks her body pain went away and within a year she lost thirty pounds. And it was the body pain that I that I kind of tuned into and I decided to try it and as I tried it I realized that my body wasn't hurting. Suddenly I felt like I had more energy and I also felt like my mood was stabilized. Yes, a huge difference. Me: So what food did you cut out for that? What were you intolerant to? Francesca: I was intolerant to gluten. Me: Wow! So Italian food was a big no, no. Francesca: All the breads have lots of gluten. So all the pastas all of that is gluten. We eat that and I was also intolerant to cow dairy; so lactose basically. Me: Well so cheese. Francesca: Cheese, and I could have a little goat or a little sheep but in general they were cooking with cow cheese. And so those were two things that were death to my body and my immune system and really I think creating that leaky gut syndrome for me too. Cutting out the bad stuff Me: I know that you said that later on you solved all of that. So besides cutting out gluten actually what other foods did you cut out? Francesca: Well eventually, I have to say I'm somebody who does my life in like small steps. I'm not someone who has created success by changing my whole life overnight, whether that's in relationships or whether that's in business or whether that's and in food. Normally I'll try one little thing and then try another little thing. Me: Sounds like me. Francesca: At first it was gluten and dairy but I was still eating processed, you know like quinoa pasta and millet bread. And then eventually I went on a two week kind of cleanse where it was no processed flours at all; some grains but no processed flours. No sugar, no caffeine, no dairy of any kind and lots of vegetables - cooked and raw. A little bit of grains that might be cooked and then a small amount of either fish or chicken, but lots of vegetables everyday. Many more than I had normally done in any given day and some fruits. And I found in two weeks that I started to feel better and I found in a few months that even though I actually hadn't lost any weight which was something that I wanted but even though I hadn't lost any weight people would start to say "What have you done to your face? You look younger, you look radiant!" It was all these fruits and vegetables and wonderful fruit and juice smoothies. Then within a year I was down to my ideal weight and I just felt amazing! Me: Wow, that's fantastic! Francesca: I did it the healthy way. Enter the martial arts instructor Me: So then I guess you looked so radiant and so amazing that the martial arts instructor found you right? You mentioned that - how did you meet him and what happened? Francesca: Well in this process it wasn't at the complete end of the steps towards health. But in this process of getting more and more healthy, I am also a teacher of relationships and sexuality, and I teach recovery from trauma, and I teach about tantra in a healing way for couples. So while I was doing this, this gentleman came to one of my classes. I felt some energy between us, but at the same time I had learned that sometimes the man I'm most attracted to is the one that I need to walk away from. My animal instincts that get very attracted to people do not tell me that that person is honest. They do not tell me that that person is good. They only say that we have compatible histo immune systems. I thought I should walk away and I did. But he kept writing to me and one day the email wouldn't work. I tried so many different ways but it would not go through. He had given me his phone number so I called him and I said "Do you know if there's a problem with your email?" and he said "Maybe you're just supposed to talk to me." A beautiful relationship So we started to talk and it developed and it really became a very beautiful and magical relationship. He had been studying Dzogchen Buddhism which is a very spiritual form of tantra for twenty five years. We had a lot in common in terms of core values, and it became a relationship which I think of as a soul mate relationship of the best kind, where we were passionate and compassionate. In the six years we were together we never yelled at each other, we never raised our voices. That's not to say we never had a problem or a disagreement, but we were able to work through those disagreements while staying in a centered, mature, adult state. It was such a grace. When I would walk into the room we'd each take a breath like "ah, now I'm safe, now I'm home". And even though he swore he would never get married because he'd been married twice before and they were these terrible relationships, in four years he asked me to marry him. Are you sure you want to marry me? I always knew he would. Although I thought it was going to take a decade, but I always felt like "yes, he's going to ask me to marry him. He just needs to heal a little bit from these past relationships". So when he asked me to marry him after four years I was shocked. He said "You're not saying yes!" and I said "Well I-I didn't expect you to ask me to marry you yet!" I said "Are you sure you want to marry me? Do you know my flaws? Sometimes I'm messy and I don't clean up right away". He said "Yes, I know that". I said "Oh and I love pretty things and sometimes I can kind of over shop and I'm not good at saving money". He said "Yes I know that". So I was like going through the list of all my flaws and he said, "Why do you think it took four years?" He said "I actually wanted to marry you sooner, but I wanted to make sure that I could hold space for your imperfections". And so I said yes, but we decided to wait until my son graduated from high school. That was a few more years down the road. Good news So you know, things were going well, but his business was failing. He was a full time martial artist, he taught martial arts to school children and adults. And it really wasn't financially successful and that was very hard on his heart. It was very challenging for his self-esteem. One day he came to me and he said "Francesca I have some good news and some bad news". And I said "Tell me the good news!" He said the good news is that a friend of his was selling a fitness center, a gym in town in his town with all the workout equipment etcetera. John said "If I combine fitness and martial arts, maybe that will be the ticket for success". I said "Honey, that's great!" Because of course we want our partners to be happy and fulfil their life's mission. I said "You should do that, what's the bad news?" And bad news His martial arts studio would be open from about 8 or 9 in the morning till 9 at night with some breaks in the day. It would get very quiet until the kids came after school. So it had a certain pace that had some spaciousness in it. And you know 8 or 9 in the morning till 9 at night, although still a long day, is not terrible. He said that this fitness studio was open from 4 in the morning till 11 o'clock at night. Because he was investing his money into it, he felt that for at least the first maybe 4 to 6 months he needed to be there. He needed to see how it was being run so that he could try to change it and make improvements. And he said "For approximately 4 to 6 months sweetheart I'll be getting 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night and I really won't have any bandwidth". Well, be careful of what you say to the universe! I said "Oh don't worry, our relationship is so strong, we can handle this". And 5 days later... Within 5 days of that my mother died. 5 days after he signed the papers and put the money into the investment. You never know how you're going to respond to the death of a parent or someone that's very, very close to you. You don't know until it actually happens. And I adored my mother but I was also afraid of my mother. I was conflicted and although I had a lot of anger towards her while she was alive, I made a choice never to bring that anger to her. As she got older her bipolar got worse and she eventually had Alzheimer's, and it just isn't appropriate to bring these kinds of unresolved issues to people who are mentally ill. Me: But then you have to solve them for yourself, right? How do you do that? The grieving process Francesca: And all of those unresolved emotions were there. All the anger and rage that I never expressed to her was there. And then the grieving, because since about twenty five till when she died when I was fifty I had chosen to mostly be separate from her even though we'd been very close when I was young. So I was not only grieving that she was now dead, I actually was grieving the twenty five years that I had chosen to be separate from her. Me: And did you regret those twenty five years? Francesca: Yes and no, because if I had to go back I would probably still make the same decision because she didn't feel safe to me. On the other hand, for the little girl like when I was very young and she was a bit healthier, probably from you know birth till about thirteen we were very, very close. And so the little girl in me just missed her mommy. I would be at home alone curled up into a little fetal ball rocking and this little voice would come out of me saying, "I don't understand!" It was this little girl who just didn't understand that her mother was gone and didn't understand that she would never have an opportunity to be close to her. I think the magical child always hoped in some way that they would reconcile. So yeah I was very shattered. My son would later say that it was like I was missing for two years. Me: How old was your son? Francesca: My son was... I think he was either, maybe about fourteen, something like that. Me: Oh wow! Okay, so old enough to know that yeah there was some heavy stuff going on. Walking in the underworld Francesca: And yeah, those two years in many ways are a blur. I would eventually end up going to two therapists a week for over a year, a year and a half. And I really ended up feeling like I was later like I was walking with my mother in the underworld for that time. Me: Oh wow! Francesca: Yes, it was very deep, it felt very profound. Me: That must have been very helpful, very healing. Francesca: Where I am now, I'm at peace with her. I feel her love for me, I feel my love for her. It's like we've completed what we were meant to complete in this life, and I feel like I've known her many lifetimes and I'll probably know her again. Me: Yep, I'm sure you will. The birth of a crazy idea Francesca: But in this time period where so much of my energy is now in the underworld or so much of my little girl is grieving and crying while my adult self is missing...In that time period John is getting three or four hours sleep a night. He needed me more than he ever needed me and I couldn't be there emotionally. And then I needed him more than I ever needed him, and he couldn't be there for me emotionally. Neither one of us were thinking particularly straight. But we were noticing that we were getting more and more depleted, more and more raw. It's almost like when you haven't had enough sleep and your mind is just starting to think sort of crazy, and you almost feel like you're shaking because you're under-slept. Both of us were like that because I wasn't sleeping well with the grieving. Me: Well and you do literally start to lose your mind when you lose sleep, when you don't have enough sleep, right? I mean that's a proven thing. Francesca: Exactly, and we came up with this crazy idea which is "We need more support, we need more energy in the relationship. I know! We'll open up the relationship in a 'don't ask, don't tell' model". Me: Wow! So can you explain? Because some people might not know what that is. How not to navigate an open relationship Francesca: I'm not against open relationships or polyamorous relationships or swinging or anything else. And I think there are ways to have open relationships that are beautiful and ways to do them terribly. Just like there are ways to be monogamous that are beautiful and ways to be monogamous that are awful. I mean it's not the design of the relationship that is the grace or the problem. It's really "Are we centered? Transparent? Collaborative? Compassionate? Do we have good communication skills?" That's what's going to make any design better or worse, depending on who we are bringing to that relationship. Well one of the things as a relationship counsellor that I would say is that if you're going to have an open relationship it's actually healthy to be transparent, to reveal to your partner, to not lie, to not hold things back, to be able to collaborate so you still feel like you're a partnership. So even though you might be dating someone else, or going to a party and canoodling with someone else, you still feel like your home partnership is your best friend, is that place that you're the closest to, is the person that you're revealing everything to. And I think it's very dangerous to try to do this without revealing to each other. It's very easy when we start withholding information, whether about sex or anything else. Sex, money, you name it; when we start to withhold information, it's easy to build resentment. So it's easy to start feeling more and more separated. Now this is a crazy notion that I never would have agreed to in my right mind, but I wasn't in my right mind. Where's my primary care support? So we agreed and we weren't living together at this time. We were living in different houses but we'd see each other every weekend and talk every day. And he ended up having a couple of, you know, kind of flings. Things that were a little lighter, it was fun, it was sexy but it wasn't particularly emotionally depthful. But I felt - oh my God! Barbara, I felt like I was going crazy. I felt like I just wanted someone to hold me when I cried. And I wanted someone to hold me in the night when I felt so frightened and alone. For me, I didn't want just a little sexy fun fling. I felt like I needed what they call in the hospitals in America 'primary care support'. Like when someone is in the intensive care unit and they need twenty four hour care. I felt like that was me. Enter the Russian yoga therapist And there was a man that had been a student of mine who was very, very alluring, kind of reddish brown copper hair, big almond brown eyes, slender...He was a Russian yoga therapist and massage therapist. Me: You already got me intrigued! Francesca: With long hair...and he and I started to spend more time together and he was being emotionally supportive. And when this open relationship design came into being I went to him and I said, "What do you think?" Well he was all over it! Me: Literally! Francesca: Oh my God all over it and all over me! I remember a night, I think it might have been the night where I said you know, we've opened the relationship and we could get together where I think he said like he couldn't get out of this chain link fence, he was somehow locked in. He actually climbed the fence, and he ripped his clothes! You know, this person who's just like running to try to get to you... Me: Like in a movie, right? Francesca: And it was the beginning of...of course it was very passionate in the beginning and we were, you know, making love at night and in the middle of the night, and in the morning, and we were traveling together...within a month I had actually moved this guy in! Me: Wow! Did John know at that point? Francesca: No because we were doing the 'don't ask, don't tell' model! Me: Oh! Oh my God...okay! Francesca: Yes! Life with a sexy fitness coach And this guy was this primary care support where he would cook for me, and he was someone who cooked very vegan, very healthy. So he would cook for me. He was also a fitness coach so in the mornings he would have me do yoga stretches. And it was in a way it was exactly what I needed. I could tell that this was moving too fast and that John... I couldn't keep doing 'don't ask, don't tell'. When 'don't ask don't tell' becomes 'you'd better tell' So I visited John and I said I need to talk to you. I said "I have gone and not just dated someone, I've not just had sex, but I've gone very, very deep. I've formed another primary relationship and I've already moved this person in". And of course John was shocked and hurt but once again he was getting three or four hours of sleep a night. He just didn't have the bandwidth to even talk about it. It was just...we tried to talk, but he didn't have the bandwidth, and I didn't have my normal skill sets. I'm normally quite erudite, normally very adept in language and communication and in graceful language and communication, and I wasn't. Within I would say maybe a couple of months, John called me and he asked me if we were having unprotected sex. And we were. John said, "Were you planning to tell me?" I said "Yes". He said "When were you planning to tell me?" And I said "You know, I think the next time we were going to get together". John said "Well, it's over". Another death to grieve And then I was not only grieving the death of my mother, but I was grieving the death of the relationship with my soul mate. It really was the best relationship I'd ever had and it's now been ten years and it will be best relationship I've had so far; hope springs eternal, but so far - and it was another shattering for me. So now I'm with this seductively charming Russian yoga master, and it seemed like 'well maybe you're supposed to be with him'. Is this my stuff or his stuff? But something starts to happen where I start to feel more and more insecure. And at first you know maybe I'm thinking 'well it's because I'm grieving' or 'it's because I'm not centered' But I've come to find out over the years - I now have a data collection taken from many relationships - that in the relationships where I feel the most calm, I am with someone who is honest, with good integrity and who is in fact trustworthy. And when I'm in a relationship with people who are lying to me or withholding or cheating in some way, I start to feel more and more insecure. Me: Well that makes sense, right? Francesca: There is an exception to this and usually whenever I start to feel a little insecure, possessive and obsessive in a relationship, I make sure to get counselling. I make sure to get the support so that I'm coming back to the center and I've separated out what are my issues from my childhood versus what is my energetic intuition saying about this relationship. Me: Yep I get it. When a healthy influence turns to dysfunction Francesca: And so sometimes we do have some of our own issues from the past. But with all the therapy and everything...One week the therapists both said - even though they weren't talking to each other - in the same week they both said "I think you need to look at your relationship. I think you're not just grieving and I think that there are some things that might be unhealthy in your relationship" and they both said it interestingly enough the same week. So with this guy, something would just snap in him and he would begin to yell at me. He'd yell at me and shame me and denigrate me - not just for like three minutes, but I would time it. For fifteen minutes, for twenty minutes, for twenty five minutes, for thirty five minutes. Me: Right, so super unhealthy. Francesca: Super unhealthy! and I would tell him, you know, "I'm grieving, this is not okay, I can't handle this". It would be fine for a little while and then he'd go back to it again. Very emotionally abusive. I didn't actually find out until after we broke up that he had been... we also ended up teaching together and he had gone to some of the students in our classes after he found out that they had been molested as children, after he found out that they had terrible family backgrounds and it was hard for them to understand their boundaries. After he found that out, he would seduce them. Me: Whoa! He should be in jail! Seriously! Francesca: Yeah! I didn't find this out until after we broke up and then ... Me: So what did you do? What's the lesson here? Francesca: I tried to let my community know that this person was very, very unhealthy. And you know I did my best to get that information. But it felt terrible, really, really terrible. I had allowed him to stand beside me and teach, I'd actually helped promote him in my community. That's still something periodically that's heavy on my heart. And for me I want to say that I've learned to forgive myself and that's an important part of healing. Me: Oh yeah. Francesca: We can't just beat ourselves up, we have to get the lesson. Like what's the lesson? Part of that lesson - this is very interesting - when my mother died, no one came to visit. What do you do when someone dies? Where I come from back in the center of the United States, it's more farmland, it's more...people are in the same area generation after generation, and when someone dies, your friends show up or your family shows up and they bring you food. They understand that you're not going to want to cook, that you're going to feel sort of out of your body. So people show up and take care of you at least for the first couple of weeks if not longer. When my mother died, no one came to visit. I tried to email and say, you know, my mother has died, I feel very shattered, this is so hard, I'm having so many emotions...and no one came. Tough questions and enlightening answers A couple of months later when I was out in the world I would see my friends and I would say "Do you know that my mother died?" "Yes". "Okay uh...I'm curious, why didn't you stop by? Or why didn't you call?" And what I heard really highlighted the wounding that we have in our culture around grieving. So what they said was, "Well you're such an independent woman, I thought you would want to do it yourself". Well this is weird because you know, in most cultures in the world you grieve in community. You don't grieve by yourself! That's such a weird modernization. We're meant to do this together. And so I thought 'hmmm, that's a wound of culture that they thought I needed to grieve by myself'. Some people said that they were afraid of death. I understood that and I could have compassion for it, but I thought that's another wound of culture. Because death is so removed. It's in the hospital, it's far away, it's in a hospice. We don't see death like we would have seen it a hundred years ago, a couple hundred years ago where death was a part of life. You learn to work with it. Once again you learn. People would say "I wouldn't know what to say, I didn't want to make it worse". I would say "Well, let me give you an option. One possible thing to say is 'I'm so sorry for your loss'". Me: Yes exactly! Francesca: Fairly safe, but they literally didn't know that! Enter the life-changing answer So the answer that started to change my life was when people said, "Francesca of course I love you, of course you're important to me, but I thought that you're so well loved that you would have people that were closer to you than me. People who would be with you". And I said "Well what I think I hear you saying is that you don't realise that you're important to me. That you don't realise that you're actually really close to me". And they said "Yes!" and I thought 'Whose job is it to let you know that you're important to me?' Me: Yours! Francesca: It's my job! But I'm not doing a good job of letting people know that they actually matter to me! When walls no longer serve When I saw that I thought 'Oh my God! I have a wall around me'. It's the wall that I built to protect myself. I built it brick by brick as a child, as an adolescent, as a young woman. And I built this wall to try to protect me from being hurt by my family or being hurt by mean kids or etcetera. But now I realize this wall that has been designed to protect me also keeps people from me and I have spent my life proving my independence and that I can take care of myself. So if I need to move forward in life, the next development in life is to let people in to care for me and to let out, to be vulnerable, to reveal how important you are to me. Me: Wow! That is almost freaky because I had the same realization about the wall about a year ago. And in fact that was one of the reasons why I started this podcast! Because I thought, 'What way can I start to share some vulnerability with the world?' How can I start to yeah, just you know, tear down the wall, basically! So that is really freaky because I didn't know that that was going to come up today. Wow! Francesca's gift We have to wrap things up pretty soon but before we do that, I mean what an incredible story! I want to put links obviously to what you do in the show notes. But before we get to the food tips for this episode I know that you have very generously offered a special gift for our podcast listeners. So can you say something about that? Francesca: I have! You know, all of the suffering becomes a grace when we learn from it and in that we can help others. So if anybody's listening and they've suffered a lot, on the other side of that suffering is who you are as a healer. I want to offer my support to all of the listeners and to say that I'm happy to offer you a gift session by phone or Skype. This will be approximately forty five minutes to an hour. You would email relationshipdiva@gmail.com and put in the subject, 'gift session'. I'm happy to collaborate with you and really offer my support for our time together. Me: Wow! That is awesome Francesca, thank you so much. I know that people will take advantage of that because I mean you've got so much to offer in so many areas. Around sexuality and relationships and even, you know, life's journey and the whole thing. So thank you so much for that. I really appreciate it. It's been super, super having you on the podcast! So thank you again so, so much! A food that helps you fight depression and helps with balancing hormones So, I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that I'd share with you a tiny but amazing food that can help fight depression as well as help with balancing hormones. And that food is... Flax seeds! Benefits of flax seeds, including balancing hormones Flax seeds are amazing and if you aren't eating them yet, you've got to get yourself some. The reason they can help fight depression is because they're high in omega-3 fatty acids. But they also can help with balancing hormones. I'll link to a study in the show notes that seems to say that eating flax seeds may help prevent some forms of cancer. Flax seeds are also high in fiber and low in carbs, and they help reduce sugar cravings, they improve your skin and hair...I mean there are just too many benefits to mention here, so I'll link to an article or two in the show notes if you'd like to read more about flax seeds. How you eat flax seeds Now, how do you eat flax seeds? Well, some people buy flaxseed oil and pour that over salads and veggies. What I like to do though is buy the whole seeds and then grind them quickly in a coffee grinder or high-speed blender. You can then sprinkle them over salads or cereals, or use them to make crackers, bread, pancakes and all kinds of things. They're great to thicken recipes. And of course if you want some specific recipes that use flax seeds, I've got a gorgeous recipe for Nut Burgers (and ketchup) in my 5-Minute Mains recipe ebook that I'll link to below. Have YOU got a story to share? If you've got a true story to share, and you'd like to know what food could have saved the day in your situation), I'd love to hear from you! Got a question, or a comment? Got a question, or a comment? Pop a note below in the comments, that would be awesome. You can also subscribe to the podcast to listen 'on the go' in iTunes. I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for being here with me to share in my Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Bye for now! RESOURCES Francesca's website: www.FrancescaGentille.com For a 30 minute Gift Session, email Francesca and mention Gift Session from Clean Food, Dirty Stories. Article on benefits of flax seeds: https://draxe.com/10-flax-seed-benefits-nutrition-facts/ Article on brain benefits of flaxseed oil: http://www.livestrong.com/article/472237-flax-oil-for-mood-brain-functions/ Scientific study on flax seeds and cancer: http://clincancerres.aacrjournals.org/content/11/10/3828.short Recipe ebooks including 5-Minute Mains (for Nut Burgers and Ketchup recipes): https://rockingrawchef.com/5-minute-recipes/   About Francesca Gentillé Francesca Gentillé is a Certified Clinical Sexologist & Relationship Counselor. She is the popular internet radio host of Sex: Tantra & Kama Sutra and co-author of the award-winning sex & relationship book "The Marriage of Sex & Spirit." Francesca is the co-director of the The Somatic Sensual Healing Institute, and the founder of The Sacred Courtesan School of Feminine Mystique and Power. She says: "There is no one true, right and only way to design a relationship, fulfill you purpose, or heal from past trauma. Together we will create a path that is uniquely suited to you. In a gentle, graceful yet powerful manner you will deepen your authentic life."

【本栏目每周四、日更新】关注微信公众号 “老虎工作室” ，点击左下角菜单“加入我们”,让我们一起来探索这个美丽的世界吧~歌名：Oh,Mr.Sun演唱：Helen姐姐Oh,Mr.Sun,Sun,Mr.Golden Sun Please,shine down on meOh,Mr.Sun,Sun,Mr.Golden Sun Hiding behind as tree Little children are asking you Please come out so we can play with you Oh,Mr.Sun,Sun,Mr.Golden Sun Please,shine down on me Oh,Mr.Sun,Sun,Mr.Golden Sun Please,shine down on me Oh,Mr.Sun,Sun,Mr.Golden Sun Hiding behind as tree Little ch……

It's me It's Me It's Me Oh, Lord! Standing in the Need of Prayer! Not my sister Not My Brother But It's Me Oh Lord Standing in the Need of Prayer! Look in the Mirror and Face yourself.  Why are we so quick to poin out everyone elses flaws when we are holding our own lives and identities together with Silly Puddy!  Amazes me that we do that! God want to work on us. but we first have to be willing to face our Own Mess! It's ok we are all a mess in some area!  But are we mature enough to say "FIX ME LORD"   Listen In with Pastor J.

Most renewable energy sources suffer from intermittency and have to be coupled with sophisticated energy conversion and storage technologies. An elegant solution is offered by photoelectrochemical water splitting, where solar energy is directly converted into chemical energy by splitting water into oxygen and the energy carrier hydrogen. Photoelectrochemical water splitting requires two photoelectrodes which are immersed in an aqueous electrolyte. These photoelectrodes are semiconductors with valence and conduction bands straddling the redox potential of water. Upon illumination, electrons and holes are produced, separated and transferred to the electrolyte, leading to the evolution of oxygen at the photoanode and the evolution of hydrogen at the photocathode. The resulting hydrogen can be stored, transported and then either burnt in fuel cells to regain electrical energy or used for industrial applications like the Haber-Bosch process. The photoelectrodes are often nanostructured to increase the surface area, at which the reaction takes place. This strategy has been realized with several morphologies such as nanotubes, inverse opals, etc. and has often lead to performance increases of several hundred percent. Therefore, detailed knowledge of the morphology is important and can be obtained by scanning electron microscopy (SEM) and transmission electron microscopy (TEM). TEM is a powerful technique that allows imaging samples with a resolution down to the sub-Ångstrom scale. In addition, TEM can be combined with spectroscopic methods such as electron energyloss spectroscopy (EELS) and energy-dispersive X-ray spectroscopy (EDX) to quantify the chemical composition. In this thesis, three different materials systems were studied by TEM: noble metal nanoparticles on TiO2 for hydrogen evolution with the sacrificial agent MeOH, Fe2O3/WO3 dual absorber photoanodes and photocathodes out of the novel material FeCrAl oxide. Titania is one of the most researched photoanode materials. However, it only absorbs UV light. Au and Au/Ag core-shell nanoparticles were deposited by the project partners Michael Karnahl and Sandra Peglow of the LIKAT and the INP Greifswald, respectively, on anatase thin films by photodeposition and radio frequency magnetron sputtering. These noble metal nanoparticles absorb visible light by surface plasmon resonance and also act as co-catalysts for electrons excited in the titania and injected into them. Cross-section were prepared for a detailed TEM investigation of the microstructure. The distribution of the nanoparticles varied greatly with the synthesis method, as photodeposited particles grew in and on top of the titania, whereas the plasma-deposited nanoparticles only grew on top. Different growth and coarsening mechanisms could be identified and correlated to the synthesis conditions by careful particle size distribution determination. In addition to defect-free nanoparticles, several defects such as five-fold twinning, grain boundaries and stacking faults were found. The TEM analysis was complemented by optical absorption and photocatalysis measurements, and the synthesis as well as the properties could be correlated to microstructural features. Due to its narrow band gap, hematite is a popular photoanode material. However, it also has several disadvantages, which were addressed by several studies. Tin-doping increased the transfer efficiency and therefore the photocurrent, with the tin being enriched at the surface of the hematite nanoparticles and hinting at a structure-function relationship. Deposition of a Co3O4 co-catalyst and the introduction of a conductive scaffold all further increased the photocurrent. Another performance-increasing approach, combining multiple photocatalytically active materials, was tested with Fe2O3/WO3 dual absorbers prepared by Ilina Kondofersky of the group of Prof. Thomas Bein. WO3 was systematically applied as a scaffold and/or as a surface treatment. The arrangement of the different materials and the interfaces between them was studied in detail by TEM. Both the host-guest approach and the surface treatment strongly increased the performance compared to the pure materials and several beneficial interactions could be identified. For example, WO3 strongly scatters visible light, resulting in increased absorption by Fe2O3 and higher current densities. We also determined a cathodic shift in the onset potential to 0.8 V and, compared to pure Fe2O3, increased transfer rates of up to 88 %, and can therefore conclude that the Fe2O3/WO3 dual absorbers are a very promising system. In spite of all the different performance-enhancing strategies developed so far, it is becoming apparent that all currently available materials, regardless of how heavily they are improved, will not reach sufficient performances. This has led to the search for novel materials and in this thesis, meso- and macroporous photocathodes with the overall stoichiometry Fe0.84Cr1.0Al0.16O3 were investigated in close cooperation with Ilina Kondofersky. Using TEM cross-sections, a phase separation into Fe- and Cr-rich phases was observed for both morphologies and could be correlated to the precursor stabilities. In comparison to the mesoporous layer, the macroporous photocathode had a significantly increased charge collection efficiency and therefore performance, proving the benefits of tuning the morphology. In all studies, performance-increasing strategies were successfully applied and we found the performance to depend heavily on the morphologies. By combining the results of all techniques, insight into the complex interplay between synthesis conditions, morphology and properties could be achieved and the gained knowledge is expected to benefit future work.

Carol: “What’s your podcast about this week?” Me: “Oh, you know, it’s about how CDs sound better than records, stuff like that.” Carol: “What? You’re crazy, I think you’re wrong…” Me: “I know, everyone thinks I’m wrong.” But hear me out. Maybe I’m not completely crazy. It’s funny, a lot of people sold, gave away or threw out their vinyl LPs in the 80s and 90s, and now they are out there buying them back from smug hipsters in tiny shops in Highland Park (or your city’s equivalent newly gentrified area). It would be a mistake to do the same thing with CDs, to ditch them because you feel they are as unfashionable as a glove compartment full of WHAM! cassettes. I don’t talk about that specific thing in this episode, but I probably should have.

Charge transfer in DNA cannot be understood without addressing the complex conformational flexibility, which occurs on a wide range of timescales. In order to reduce this complexity four dinucleotide models 1X consisting of benzophenone linked by a phosphodiester to one of the natural nucleosides X = A, G, T, C were studied in water and methanol. The theoretical work focuses on the dynamics and electronic structure of 1G. Predominant conformations in the two solvents were obtained by molecular dynamics simulations. 1G in MeOH adopts mainly an open geometry with a distance of 12-16 angstrom between the two aromatic parts. In H2O the two parts of 1G form primarily a stacked conformation yielding a distance of 5-6 angstrom. The low-lying excited states were investigated by electronic structure theory in a QM/MM environment for representative snapshots of the trajectories. Photo-induced intramolecular charge transfer in the S-1 state occurs exclusively in the stacked conformation. Ultrafast transient absorption spectroscopy with 1X reveals fast charge transfer from S-1 in both solvents with varying yields. Significant charge transfer from the T-1 state is only found for the nucleobases with the lowest oxidation potential: in H2O, charge transfer occurs with 3.2 x 10(9) s(-1) for 1A and 6.0 x 10(9) s(-1) for 1G. The reorganization energy remains nearly unchanged going from MeOH to the more polar H2O. The electronic coupling is rather low even for the stacked conformation with H-AB = 3 meV and explains the moderate charge transfer rates. The solvent controls the conformational distribution and therefore gates the charge transfer due to differences in distance and stacking.

"Me? Oh, I'm just a fly in the ointment, Hans. The monkey in the wrench..." "The same albino jackrabbit son of a bitch who did Hunsacker!" The three wise men Mike, Frank, and Mr. D grab all the guns they can, along with a few jugs in case there’s a water puzzle, mount up and rip through the streets of Los Angeles while they discuss the similarities and near sequalities in both the Die Hard and Lethal Weapon series! Tweet @mitchoychats to let us know what you thought and find more at MitchoyChats.com!

exapme from the blog click links to read more from Neil. AUDIO from the bbc local radio - suplied from the internet/other podcasts and provided here simply incase you missed it. With the Wife with the Wife in Space Nuffink in ze world can stop us now! Except this story, obviously... A couple of hours before we settled down to watch The Underwater Menace, Sue and I appeared as guests on Bob Fischer's BBC Tees radio show to shamelessly plug this blog. You can listen to the edited highlights below (and Sue's PVC Dalek-suit anecdote was news to me!): Episode One Sue: That's just great. This story is going to star that ****ing hat. I hate that ****ing hat. We both enjoy the opening TARDIS scene, especially Jamie's reactions to the insanity he has walked into. There's a playful edge to the proceedings and a warmth we haven't really felt since the glory days of Ian, Susan and Barbara. We chuckle when Ben sarcastically hopes for the Daleks ("I bet the kids wouldn't have complained") while the Doctor's desire to encounter prehistoric monsters is dismissed out of hand ("not on this budget, love"). Me: Where do you hope they'll end up this time? Sue: Somewhere with decent carpentry. The TARDIS arrives on a beach and when Polly guesses at their whereabouts, Sue declares, in perfect harmony: Sue: Cornwall! It's always ****ing Cornwall! It doesn't take very long for our heroes to find themselves in danger: a platform they have been standing on is actually a lift, and as they hurtle beneath the sea, the TARDIS crew succumb to the bends. Sue: That's very interesting. Ben just asked Polly to get them out of there. He didn't ask the Doctor and he's standing right next to him. I don't blame Ben though; this Doctor is still pretty useless. When they regain consciousness, Polly finds some pottery with the logo for the 1968 Mexico Olympiad emblazoned on it, and then our heroes are confronted by a race of people dressed in clam shells and seaweed. Sue believes she has it sussed: Sue: Are they rehearsing for the Opening Ceremony? Their high priest even sports a fish on his head: Sue: Please tell me the Doctor doesn't get a hat like that. Just as Sue believes she has a handle on events, our heroes are strapped to some slabs and sadistically lowered toward a mad man's pet sharks. Sue: Is this a Bond movie now? Me: Yes. You Only Live 13 Times. Sue: Has this got anything to do with the Olympics? Anything at all? When the Doctor signs his name 'Dr. W', he reignites an old debate: Sue: You can't really argue with that, can you? That settles it: his name is Dr. Who. You'll just have to accept it, love. Me: Unless his real name begins with a W - Sue: Like Doctor Wibbly-Wobbly-Timey-Wimey? Would that make you feel any better? And does it really matter? I call him Dr. Who all the time - Me: Yes, I know. And every time you do it, part of me dies. When Professor Zaroff reveals that they are currently hanging out on the lost continent of Atlantis, Sue doesn't even flinch: Sue: Atlantis. Of course it's Atlantis. Where else would they be in this ****-ed up programme? So, it's James Bond on Atlantis? Gotcha. Thanks to those fainthearted Australians, the cliffhanger moves, although we find ourselves sympathising with the censor as Polly is strapped to a table and threatened with a large hypodermic needle by some evil scientists who want to turn her into a fish. Yes, a fish. Sue: I don't know what Polly is moaning about; I'd love to breathe underwater indefinitely. She could stick around and enter the 1972 Olympics. Mark Spitz would have nothing on her. Episode Two Me: How short is Polly's surgical gown - Sue: Trust you to notice that, love. The hot topic of conversation during this episode is Zaroff. Who else? Sue: He reminds me of that mad scientist from that show you love: Comedy Theater 2000 - Me: Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Sue: That's it. He reminds me of the mad scientist from that: an over-the-top pantomime villain. Me: Believe it or not, the guy playing him is actually a very fine actor - Sue: Oh, I don't doubt it. He's just having a laugh with the part. And who can blame him? How else would you play this character? His plan is completely pointless; there's no clever reason for him to do any of this, he just wants to blow up the world. There's no benefit or motive at all. Me: He's insane. Sue: It's lazy. With no motivation or backstory you have to play him as a larger-than-life lunatic. I like him; he's committed. He's definitely the funniest villain we've had in the series so far. When Ben and Jamie are taken to the mines of Atlantis, a high pitched whining cuts through the scene. We assume it represents the sound of the drilling but whatever it is, it's making our teeth itch. Sue: If we were 16 years old, we would hear that sound whenever we went near an off-license - Me: Have you warmed to Troughton yet? He's basically playing his version of the Doctor now. More or less. Sue: He reminds me of Ken Dodd in some of these stills. That one in particular (see right). The music doesn't help. It's atrocious. It sounds like they've let a small child loose on a Bontempi organ. This is the worst music that I've heard in the series so far. Who's responsible for it? Me: An Australian called Dudley Simpson - Sue: Sack him. He's rubbish. Episode Three Finally, after enduring thirteen consecutive recons (count them! thirteen!), we are reunited with a real bona fide episode. I never thought I'd ever hear myself say this but thank Amdo for The Underwater Menace Episode 3. Sue: Even though the story is still a complete mess, it's a thousand times easier to follow it when it exists. I don't want to state the bleedin' obvious but even the very worst story improves when you can actually see it. The recons I gave good scores to must have been incredible - The highlight of the episode for Sue is, of course, the sight of Jamie and Ben in tight-fitting rubber: Sue: Given the state of some of their costumes, they should have called this story The Underwear Menace. Me: I think the playwright Joe Orton mentioned this story in his diary. Or was it in Salmon Rushdie's The Satanic Verses? No, it must have been Joe Orton; he fancied Jamie in his rubber suit, I think. Or maybe it was Kenneth Williams. My memory is almost as bad as yours. Sue: Jamie and Ben wouldn't look out of place at that nightclub, Heaven. As if to accentuate this observation, Jamie and Ben suddenly launch themselves into the campest salute this side of 'Allo 'Allo. Sue: I'll say no more. Sue: Does Troughton ever go through a story where he doesn't play that bloody recorder? And are there any stories where he doesn't dress up at the drop of a hat (which he'll probably pick up and put on)? He's a borderline transvestite. Me: You might want to hold onto something during the next scene. We're about to meet the Fish People. Sue: They look like a second-rate dance troupe who are waiting to audition for Britain's Got Talent. They're probably going to do a up-tempo version of Yellow Submarine. A miner called Jacko attempts to turn the Fish People into striking militants. He does this by winding them up a bit. At one point he cries, "Are you not men?" and, quick as a flash, Sue replies: Sue: No! We're fish! What are you, blind? Hang on, is that Polly in a snorkel? Me: No, it's a Fish Person. Sue: They're having a laugh. And then it happens. Impossible to describe. Impossible to watch. Sue: This is the lowest point in Doctor Who yet. By some considerable margin. Please make it stop. Me: Is this worse than ? Sue: Oh yes, this is even more half-arsed. Me: It's like a perverse joke: you wait 13 episodes for a real episode and then you get this. Sue: I take it all back - this would have been much better as a recon. Something that really niggles at us is the Fish People's economic impact on Atlantis, which is based on the assumption that the food they farm must be consumed immediately: Sue: OK, let me get this straight: Zaroff has a nuclear reactor but he hasn't got a fridge - or, better still, a fridge freezer - to put any food in? That makes no sense at all. Me: This is your first proper look at Patrick Troughton. Have you formed an opinion yet? Sue: I feel a little more comfortable with him now that I've seen him in action. He's far more animated than I expected and he's definitely got charisma. There's something about him. Sadly, the director isn't doing him any favours so I'll have to reserve judgement until I've seen some more. And then we reach the moment The Underwater Menace is probably best known for. But immediately before it arrives - and I'd completely forgotten this - Zaroff stabs someone with a spear, he shoots someone at point-blank range and then he has two others killed off-screen. It's horrific! But it's completely eclipsed by what follows: Sue: Wow. It's so mesmerising, we have to watch it again. And again. And again. Sue: He's having a whale of a time. Me: I'm glad someone is. Episode Four Sue: I still can't believe he didn't bring some fridges with him. Still, I guess if you are planning to blow up the world you can't think of everything. You know, I think every episode of Doctor Who could be improved with a Zaroff. The only thing missing is a scene of him tearing his hair out as he screams, "Why am I surrounded by idiots!". Me: There's still twenty minutes to go. I wouldn't rule anything out. Sue: I like the way the show has kept to its educational remit. Me: What? Sue: Jamie is from the past and therefore he doesn't understand what radioactivity is. Some of the children watching this wouldn't know either - Me: Yeah, that's great. There's just one tiny problem: they don't explain it. Polly says she can't be bothered! Polly and Jamie are struggling to escape the rising waters of Atlantis: Sue: It's turned into a disaster movie now. Me: Oh, it's a disaster all right. Sue: Why is Polly wearing a fireplace corbel on her head? Me: I don't even know what that means. Thanks to those Aussie wimps, we get to see Professor Zaroff drown. Well, I say drown... Sue: That's not drowning! Zaroff has hours left before the water rises above his head! Maybe he was bored and he decided to commit suicide? The world saved, the Doctor and his companions leave the Atlantans to it. Sue: Why are they bothering to rebuild Atlantis anyway? Why don't they just move up to the surface? They've got fridges up there. And while they missed the 1968 Olympics, Mexico have got the World Cup in 1970. It would be a shame if they missed it. The Final Score Sue: That was bonkers. And a little bit shit. 2/10 Sue: Zaroff was excellent, though. I could watch him all day. I'm not convinced that he's dead either; I think he was just wetting his hair a bit. He should definitely return in the new series. The League of Gentlemen could play him. Me: What, all of them? The experiment continues. Tags: , , , , Click to share this

Three men coach me as I try to record myself peeing. Me: Oh! I think I'm gonna do it ... [waiting] ... nope. Just stopped. Man 1: What would you like us to sing? Man 2: Should all acquaintance be forgot... Me: Yeah, that's good! They were there for a workshop to overcome shy bladder. Turns out mine was the shyest bladder of all. This is not the shy bladder feature you heard on Prime Time Radio or Word of Mouth. This contains the bits that were too juicy for the public airwaves.

Hurry, hurry into the Love Space. Don't let too much cold air in as you enter. Don't mind me, but I may stay snuggled up in my warm bed. That's not cold-blooded! I saved you a comforter, pillow and place on the couch. Sure, sure, grab your honey. Tell him/her, "I need you all day and tonight. It's a cuddle emergency, and I need you bad!" Me? Oh, don't worry about me. I may not have a cuddle-partner, but here in the Love Space, you're all I need to get by. Really...seriously...I don't need...ok, well...I don't want...ummm...please just hold me. (sniff sniff) Just kidding! Come on and let's dance! We're gonna ignite this party with the disco heat. It may be cold outside, but inside the Love Space, we sure do know how to light a fire. Now, feel it...enjoy it...the fire and desire. Love, CiMa xoxoxo www.dramama.tv www.cindymalika.com

In dieser Arbeit werden die ersten Kohlenhydratverbindungen von Rhenium(V) und Rhenium(VI) beschrieben, die durch ein- und zweidimensionale NMR-Spektroskopie in Lösung und durch Einkristall-Röntgenstrukturanalyse untersucht wurden. Es werden zwei Synthesewege für die Darstellung von Rhenium(VI)-Kohlenhydrat-Ver-bindungen vorgestellt (Schema 2.1). Durch Reduktion von ReVII2O7 mit PPh3 konnte der Komplex [{ReVIO(AnErytH−2)}2(µ-O)2(µ-MeOH)] (4) dargestellt werden. Die beiden Komplexe [{(µ-O){ReVIO(MeO)(Me-α-D-Lyxf 2,3H−2)}}2{(µ-O){ReVIO(Me-α-D-Lyxf 2,3H−2)}2}] (5) und [(µ-O){ReVIOCl(AnErytH−2) · MeOH}2] (6) entstanden bei der Oxidation von [ReVOCl4]− mit Sauerstoff. Dabei zeigt sich die starke Oxophilie des stark Lewis-sauren ReVI. Die Metallatome sind über Oxobrücken verknüpft und kommen sich so nahe, dass wie bei 4 Metall-Metall-Wechselwirkungen entstehen können. Der Komplex ist aus zwei [ReVIO2(AnErytH−2)]-Einheiten aufgebaut. Dieser Aufbau ähnelt 6, bei der zwei [ReVIOCl(AnErytH−2)]+-Einheiten über einen O2−-Liganden verbunden sind. Das gleiche Verknüpfungsmuster besitzt die tetranukleare Verbindung 5. Hier sind vier [ReVIO(Me-α-D-Lyxf2,3H−2)]2+-Fragmente mit O2−-Liganden verbunden, wobei an den terminalen Ein-heiten Methanolat koordiniert. Diese Verbindungsklasse ist in erster Linie von wissenschaftlichem Interesse. Ihre hohe Oxidationsempfindlichkeit und hydrolytische Instabilität erlauben keine Verwendung in der Nuklearmedizin. Die Komplexe konnten alle ohne einen Hilfsliganden stabilisiert wer-den. Dies gelang auch bei dem ReV-oxalat-Komplex [(ReVOCl3)2(Ox)]2− (1) und der ReV-kojinat-Verbindung [ReVOCl3(KojiH−1)]− (2). Dabei koordinieren Oxalat und Kojisäure trans zum apicalen Sauerstoff und substituieren ein Chloratom des Eduktes [ReVOCl4]−. Eine formale Re-Re-Doppelbindung besitzt der binukleare Komplex [{ReV(MeO)2Cl2}2 (µ-O)(µ-MeO)]− (3), wobei sich die Metallatome bis auf 2.46 Å nahe kommen. Eingehender wurden die ReV-Komplexe untersucht, bei denen ein Hilfsligand das Kohlen-hydrat-[ReVO]3+-Fragment stabilisiert. Die drei Strukturmuster sind in Abbildung 4.1 aufgeführt. Zusammenfassung 69 OReOONNNNNNBReOOONNN+_IReOOOClNN Abbildung 4.1: Die drei Strukturmuster der heteroleptischen ReV-Komplexe 8–20 (außer 18) mit den Hilfsliganden phen, tpb und dien. Mit phen als Hilfsligand konnten die Komplexe [ReVOCl(phen)(cis-1,2-CptdH−2)] (8), [ReVOCl(phen)(AnErytH−2)] (9), [ReVOCl(phen)(trans-1,2-ChxdH−2)] (10) und [ReVOCl(phen)(Xylt2,3H−2)] (11) röntgenkristallographisch untersucht werden. Die orangen Verbindungen sind gut zugänglich; [ReVOCl4]− wurde in Methanol unter Zugabe von phen und dem Kohlenhydrat umgesetzt. Die entstandenen Komplexe waren bei zu langer Sauerstoffexposition instabil, was auf die Substitutionsstelle des Chlorids zurück-zuführen ist. Durch eine formale Substitution von Chlorid und phen mit dem dreizähnigen tpb-Liganden verbesserte sich die Stabilität der tpb-Komplexe [ReVO(tpb)(AnErytH−2)] (13), [ReVO(tpb)(Me-β-D-Galp3,4H−2)] (14), [ReVO(tpb)(D-Thre2,3H−2)] (15) und [ReVO(tpb)(Eryt1,2H−2)] (16) im Vergleich zu den phen-Komplexen. Ein weiterer Grund für die Oxidationsstabilität der neutralen Verbindungen ist der Chelateffekt. Nachteilig ist ihre schlechte Wasserlöslichkeit. Zur Synthese dieser blauen Substanzen wurde eine me-thanolische Suspension aus [ReVO(tpb)Cl2], dem Kohlenhydrat und der Base Triethylamin zwei Stunden lang unter Rückfluß bei 80 °C gerührt. Auffällig bei 14 ist der niedrige Tor-sionswinkel der chelatisierenden Diol-Einheit mit 32.5 °. Daraus ergibt sich eine Abwei-chung von 23.7 ° im Vergleich zum C3–O3–O4–C4-Torsionswinkel des freien Galactopy-ranosids. Dies ist bisher die größte beobachtete Erniedrigung eines Torsionswinkels einer komplexierenden Diol-Einheit in Pyranosiden. Die Synthese der Rhenium(V)-dien-Kohlenhydrat-Verbindungen ähnelt der Darstellung der phen-Komplexe. Eine methanolische Suspension aus [ReVO2I(PPh3)2], dem Kohlenhydrat-Liganden und dien musste eine Stunde bei Raumtemperatur gerührt werden. Es entstanden rosa Kristalle mit der Summenformel [ReVO(dien)(AnErytH−2)]I (17), [ReVO(dien)(Me-α-D-Manp2,3H−2)]I (19) und [ReVO(dien)(Me-β-D-Galp3,4H−2)]I (20). Weiterhin wurde ein Adenosin-Komplex mit der postulierten Zusammensetzung [ReVO(dien)(AdoH−2)]I (21) synthetisiert. Die Verbindungen zeichnen sich durch ihre 70 Zusammenfassung Wasserlöslichkeit, ihre Oxidations- und Hydrolysestabilität (bei Raumtemperatur bis zu einer Woche) und durch ihre schnelle Präparation aus. Es gelang, die Mannopyranosid-Verbindung 19 und den Adenosin-Komplex 21 mit Hilfe der HPLC zu charakterisieren. Damit wurde die analytische Basis für die Synthese von radioaktiven Rhenium(V)-Kohlen-hydrat-Verbindungen gelegt. Auf der Grundlage der Darstellungsvorschriften der dien-Verbindungen wurden, ausgehend von 188ReVIIO4−, die radioaktiven Ionen [188ReVO(dien)(Me-α-D-Manp2,3H−2)]+ von (22) und [188ReVO(dien)(AdoH−2)]+ von (23) synthetisiert. Ihre Existenz konnte mit der HPLC-Chromatographie nachgewiesen werden. Nuklearmedizinische Anwendungen dieser radioaktiven Verbindungen werden zurzeit untersucht. Bei den Reaktionen von polyfunktionellen Kohlenhydraten mit Rhenium(V)-Verbindungen sind viele isomere Formen von Oxorhenium(V)-Komplexen möglich. Bei den in dieser Arbeit vorgestellten Verbindungen werden die anti/syn-Isomere beschrieben, in denen der Ligand um 180° um die äquatoriale Ebene gedreht ist. Während die phen-Komplexe empfindlich gegenüber Sauerstoff reagierten, zeichneten sich die Rhenium-Komplexe mit tpb und dien durch ihre kinetische Inertheit aus. Unter dem Aspekt der Synthese stabiler Rhenium(V)-Kohlenhydrat-Verbindungen hat sich das „3 + 2“- dem „2 + 2“-Konzept als überlegen erwiesen. Aufgrund ihrer Stabilität in Lösung können aussagekräftige NMR-Spektren der Oxo-rhenium(V)-Komplexen erhalten werden. Die Resonanzen der Kohlenstoffatome, die an die koordinierenden Sauerstoffe gebunden sind, verschieben sich durch die Komplexierung um bis zu 31.4 ins Tieffeld. Die dem Rhenium(V) nahen Wasserstoffe (H–C–O–Re) erfahren eine Tieffeldverschiebung von bis zu 1.9. Die Zuordnung der Resonanzen zu ein-zelnen Atomen erfolgte mit Hilfe der 2D-NMR-Spektroskopie. Der Erkenntnisgewinn aus der Verzahnung von struktureller Aufklärung und den Reso-nanzverschiebungen in den 1H- und 13C-Spektren führt dazu, dass schon auf Basis von NMR-Verschiebungen zuverlässige Aussagen über die Koordination des Kohlenhydrates an Rhenium(V) getroffen werden können.

Synthese, Struktur und Enthalogenierung von Monosupersilylsilanen; Disilene, Cyclosilane, tetrahedro -Silane Die als Vorstufen sperrig substituierter Disilane R*X2Si–SiX2R*, Disilene R*XSi=SiXR* und Disiline R*Si≡SiR* wichtigen Monosupersilylsilane R*SiX3 (R* = SitBu3 = Supersilyl; X = H, F, Cl, Br, I, Me, Ph, tBu, OR, OTf) lassen sich durch Verbindungsaufbau (Austausch von Hal in Halogensilanen gegen R*) und durch Verbindungsumwandlung (z.B. Austausch von Hal oder H in Disilanen gegen H, Hal, Nucleophil Nu), darstellen: Laut Röntgenstrukturanalysen von R*SiPhCl2, R*SiI3, R*SiPh3 und R*SitBu3 sind die Si-Si- Bindungslängen – sterisch bedingt – vergleichsweise groß (239.9, 243.3, 245.0 und 268.6 pm), wächst die Sperrigkeit der Substituenten in Richtung Cl < I < Ph < tBu und nehmen die van-der- Waals-Wechselwirkungen zwischen tBu und X in der Reihenfolge I < tBu < Ph zu. Die Enthalogenierung von Supersilylmonohalogensilanen R*RHSiCl (R = H, Me, Ph) mit Alkalimetallen führt – wohl auf dem Wege über Silanide – unter Salzabspaltung zu den Disilanen R*H2Si–SiH2R*, R*MeHSi–SiHMeR* und R*PhSiH2. Das unterschiedliche Verhalten von R*PhHSiCl beruht darauf, daß Basen wie z.B. R*PhHSiNa aus dem Edukt das Silylen R*PhSi in Freiheit setzen, das seinerseits wieder in Si-H-Bindungen insertiert. Die Umsetzung von R*RClSiH (R = H, Me, Ph) mit R*Na führt für R = H quantitativ zu R*2SiH2, für R = Me in hohen Ausbeuten zu R*2MeSiH (z.T. erfolgt Reduktion zu R*MeHSi– SiHMeR) und für R = Ph zu R*2PhSiNa (NaR* vorgelegt) bzw. zu R*PhClSi–SiHPhR (R*PhHSiCl vorgelegt). In letzterem Falle tritt wiederum das Silylen R*PhSi (abgefangen mit Et3SiH bzw. R*PhClSiH) als Zwischenstufe auf: Die Enthalogenierung von Supersilyldi- bzw. Trihalogensilanen R*XSiHal2 (X = H, Me, Ph, Hal) liefert über Silylenoide R*XSiHalM bzw. Silylene R*XSi, die in Si-H bzw. Si-M-Bindungen insertieren (im letzten Fall bis zu dreimal) Disilane bzw. Di-, Tri- und Tetrasilanide. Als End- produkte entstehen etwa das Disilen R*PhSi=SiPhR* (X = Ph) und Cyclotri– bzw. –tetrasilane (R*XSi)n (n = 3, 4; X = H, Hal). Überschüssiges Enthalogenierungsmittel liefert Tetrasupersilyl- tetrahedro-tetrasilan R*4Si4. Synthese, Struktur und Enthalogenierung von 1,2 -Disupersilyldisilanen; Disilene Der Zugang zu 1,2-Disupersilyldisilanen R*XX’Si–SiXX’R* (X/X’ = H, Cl, Br, I, CN, Me, Ph; Diastereomere für X ≠ X’), den Vorstufen für Disilene (Disiline?), erfolgt durch Verbindungsaufbau (Kopplung von Monosupersilylsilanen bzw. Insertion von Supersilylsilylenen in Si-H / Si-Na-Bindungen von Supersilylsilanen / -silaniden) oder durch Verbindungsumwandlung (Austausch von H/Hal, Hal/H, R*/Hal, oder Addition von HHal bzw. Hal2 an >Si=Si