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We are back with part 6 of 'A Haunting at the Beverly Center' ! This episode focuses on the 6th floor and contains stories from Zara, Boss and Earthbound. In addition we have our in-house psychic medium Erica Altmiller who blindly reads the space and shares her findings.*If you haven't heard the first 5 episodes yet in the series, I highly recommend checking out those first for some background context. Also thank you for being patient with the sound quality at certain points.This episode is divided into 3 separate sections and in the first part I share my ghost map of the 6th floor, 1st floor and parking garage highlighting which stores are known to be haunted. In part 2 I chat with Emmanual and Nidia from Zara, Del from Boss and Frankie from Earthbound on their personal experiences within these space. In part 3, psychic medium Erica Altmiller reveals her impressions of location within the 6th floor including Foot Locker, Politix, and the infamous Suite 667 (Mango/former Dolce & Gabbana) location.-as always if you or anyone you know has had any paranormal experiences at the Beverly Center, shoot me a DM! I'd love to hear!*Trigger Warning*this episode touches on the topic of suicide. It is with full respect towards anyone affected by the tragedies discussed in this episode.-988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline---------Intro + Ghost Map (Briefly discuss Level 1 & parking garage) -- 0 minInterview with Manu --22:45 minInterview with Nidia -- 36:20 minInterview with Del -- 43:35 minInterview with Frankie -- 50:45 minInterview with Psychic Medium Erica Altmiller -- 57:10 min-available wherever you listen to podcasts-
Welcome to the 5th installment of 'A Haunting at the Beverly Center'. This episode primarily focuses on the 7th floor. In the first segment of the episode, I share which stores on the 7th floor I've discovered to be HAUNTED or NOT haunted according to my ghost map. Does your favorite store make the list?! So creepy I even talk about Macy's twice.In the second part of the episode, I chat with Ben from Philipp Plein, along with Angela, Jennifer and Xochitl from Michael Kors and hear all of their spooky encounters!*If you haven't heard the first 4 episodes yet in the series, I highly recommend checking out those first for some background context. -as always if you or anyone you know has had any paranormal experiences at the Beverly Center, shoot me a DM! I'd love to hear!Intro + Ghost Map -- 0 minInterview with Ben (Philipp Plein) -- 16 minInterview with Angela, Jennifer + Xochitl (Michael Kors) -- 24:30 min-available wherever you listen to podcasts-
We are back with a new installment of 'A Haunting at the Beverly Center' ! This episode focuses on the 8th floor and contains stories from two different women who have had experiences along with our in-house psychic medium Erica Altmiller who blindly reads the space.*If you haven't heard the first 3 episodes yet in the series, I highly recommend checking out those first for some background context. This episode covers the closure of Forever 21 (but we know the energy isn't going anywhere), along with brief mentions of the former movie theater, Van's, Uniqlo, H&M and Faeriesty (dress store) .. ALONG with the abandoned food court area which has been used for seasonal pop-up events. -as always if you or anyone you know has had any paranormal experiences at the Beverly Center, shoot me a DM! I'd love to hear!Intro -- 0 minInterview with Shirel -- 6 minInterview with Neece -- 12 minInterview with Psychic Medium Erica Altmiller -- 20:30 min-available wherever you listen to podcasts-
On November 8, 2024, a federal grand jury in Los Angeles issued a superseding indictment against Chicago rapper Lil Durk, born Durk Banks, adding two felony charges to his existing case. The new charges include:Use of interstate facilities to commit murder-for-hire resulting in deathUsing, carrying, and discharging firearms and a machine gun, and possession of such firearms in furtherance of a crime of violence resulting in death.These charges are connected to the August 2022 shooting near the Beverly Center in Los Angeles, which resulted in the death of Saviay'a Robinson, cousin of rapper Quando Rondo.The indictment alleges that Lil Durk conspired with five associates—Kavon London Grant, Deandre Dontrell Wilson, Keith Jones, David Brian Lindsey, and Asa Houston—to orchestrate the murder of Quando Rondo as retaliation for the 2020 killing of King Von, a close associate of Lil Durk. The co-conspirators reportedly used OTF-related finances to fund their travel and logistics for the plot. Lil Durk was arrested on October 24, 2024, near Miami International Airport after authorities discovered he had booked multiple international flights. He is currently held without bond, awaiting transfer to Los Angeles for arraignment.(commercial at 7:31)to contact me:bobbycapucci@protonmail.comsource:Lil Durk superseding indictment - DocumentCloud
On November 8, 2024, a federal grand jury in Los Angeles issued a superseding indictment against Chicago rapper Lil Durk, born Durk Banks, adding two felony charges to his existing case. The new charges include:Use of interstate facilities to commit murder-for-hire resulting in deathUsing, carrying, and discharging firearms and a machine gun, and possession of such firearms in furtherance of a crime of violence resulting in death.These charges are connected to the August 2022 shooting near the Beverly Center in Los Angeles, which resulted in the death of Saviay'a Robinson, cousin of rapper Quando Rondo.The indictment alleges that Lil Durk conspired with five associates—Kavon London Grant, Deandre Dontrell Wilson, Keith Jones, David Brian Lindsey, and Asa Houston—to orchestrate the murder of Quando Rondo as retaliation for the 2020 killing of King Von, a close associate of Lil Durk. The co-conspirators reportedly used OTF-related finances to fund their travel and logistics for the plot. Lil Durk was arrested on October 24, 2024, near Miami International Airport after authorities discovered he had booked multiple international flights. He is currently held without bond, awaiting transfer to Los Angeles for arraignment.(commercial at 8:15)to contact me:bobbycapucci@protonmail.comsource:Lil Durk superseding indictment - DocumentCloud
On November 8, 2024, a federal grand jury in Los Angeles issued a superseding indictment against Chicago rapper Lil Durk, born Durk Banks, adding two felony charges to his existing case. The new charges include:Use of interstate facilities to commit murder-for-hire resulting in deathUsing, carrying, and discharging firearms and a machine gun, and possession of such firearms in furtherance of a crime of violence resulting in death.These charges are connected to the August 2022 shooting near the Beverly Center in Los Angeles, which resulted in the death of Saviay'a Robinson, cousin of rapper Quando Rondo.The indictment alleges that Lil Durk conspired with five associates—Kavon London Grant, Deandre Dontrell Wilson, Keith Jones, David Brian Lindsey, and Asa Houston—to orchestrate the murder of Quando Rondo as retaliation for the 2020 killing of King Von, a close associate of Lil Durk. The co-conspirators reportedly used OTF-related finances to fund their travel and logistics for the plot. Lil Durk was arrested on October 24, 2024, near Miami International Airport after authorities discovered he had booked multiple international flights. He is currently held without bond, awaiting transfer to Los Angeles for arraignment.(commercial at 7:31)to contact me:bobbycapucci@protonmail.comsource:Lil Durk superseding indictment - DocumentCloud
On November 8, 2024, a federal grand jury in Los Angeles issued a superseding indictment against Chicago rapper Lil Durk, born Durk Banks, adding two felony charges to his existing case. The new charges include:Use of interstate facilities to commit murder-for-hire resulting in deathUsing, carrying, and discharging firearms and a machine gun, and possession of such firearms in furtherance of a crime of violence resulting in death.These charges are connected to the August 2022 shooting near the Beverly Center in Los Angeles, which resulted in the death of Saviay'a Robinson, cousin of rapper Quando Rondo.The indictment alleges that Lil Durk conspired with five associates—Kavon London Grant, Deandre Dontrell Wilson, Keith Jones, David Brian Lindsey, and Asa Houston—to orchestrate the murder of Quando Rondo as retaliation for the 2020 killing of King Von, a close associate of Lil Durk. The co-conspirators reportedly used OTF-related finances to fund their travel and logistics for the plot. Lil Durk was arrested on October 24, 2024, near Miami International Airport after authorities discovered he had booked multiple international flights. He is currently held without bond, awaiting transfer to Los Angeles for arraignment.(commercial at 8:15)to contact me:bobbycapucci@protonmail.comsource:Lil Durk superseding indictment - DocumentCloud
On November 8, 2024, a federal grand jury in Los Angeles issued a superseding indictment against Chicago rapper Lil Durk, born Durk Banks, adding two felony charges to his existing case. The new charges include:Use of interstate facilities to commit murder-for-hire resulting in deathUsing, carrying, and discharging firearms and a machine gun, and possession of such firearms in furtherance of a crime of violence resulting in death.These charges are connected to the August 2022 shooting near the Beverly Center in Los Angeles, which resulted in the death of Saviay'a Robinson, cousin of rapper Quando Rondo.The indictment alleges that Lil Durk conspired with five associates—Kavon London Grant, Deandre Dontrell Wilson, Keith Jones, David Brian Lindsey, and Asa Houston—to orchestrate the murder of Quando Rondo as retaliation for the 2020 killing of King Von, a close associate of Lil Durk. The co-conspirators reportedly used OTF-related finances to fund their travel and logistics for the plot. Lil Durk was arrested on October 24, 2024, near Miami International Airport after authorities discovered he had booked multiple international flights. He is currently held without bond, awaiting transfer to Los Angeles for arraignment.(commercial at 7:31)to contact me:bobbycapucci@protonmail.comsource:Lil Durk superseding indictment - DocumentCloudBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-epstein-chronicles--5003294/support.
On November 8, 2024, a federal grand jury in Los Angeles issued a superseding indictment against Chicago rapper Lil Durk, born Durk Banks, adding two felony charges to his existing case. The new charges include:Use of interstate facilities to commit murder-for-hire resulting in deathUsing, carrying, and discharging firearms and a machine gun, and possession of such firearms in furtherance of a crime of violence resulting in death.These charges are connected to the August 2022 shooting near the Beverly Center in Los Angeles, which resulted in the death of Saviay'a Robinson, cousin of rapper Quando Rondo.The indictment alleges that Lil Durk conspired with five associates—Kavon London Grant, Deandre Dontrell Wilson, Keith Jones, David Brian Lindsey, and Asa Houston—to orchestrate the murder of Quando Rondo as retaliation for the 2020 killing of King Von, a close associate of Lil Durk. The co-conspirators reportedly used OTF-related finances to fund their travel and logistics for the plot. Lil Durk was arrested on October 24, 2024, near Miami International Airport after authorities discovered he had booked multiple international flights. He is currently held without bond, awaiting transfer to Los Angeles for arraignment.(commercial at 8:15)to contact me:bobbycapucci@protonmail.comsource:Lil Durk superseding indictment - DocumentCloudBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-epstein-chronicles--5003294/support.
Matt Lawrence takes the brothers on a deep dive into the reptile species he takes care of at home, from his Cuban iguana, Jomo, to his desert tortoise, Sherman, and why he's so passionate about working with reptiles. Check out the video version of this episode on YouTube for a tour of the zoo! Plus, Joey sells some special earrings and the guys debate Brad Pitt's various looks, wonder what happened to the Beverly Center, and break down how the backyard turned into something out of Jumanji. Follow @OfficialBrotherlyLovePod on Instagram and @BrotherlyLovePod on Facebook, TikTok and YouTube. Want access to ad-free episodes, bonus videos, exclusive behind-the-scenes content and more? Join our premium feed on Supercast now at https://brotherlylove.supercast.com! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Jordan reviews a recent trip to Las Vegas, where he found the hotel, spa, and peking duck of his desert dreams at the Fontainebleau. Plus, Max sampled a $500k bottle of wine while Jordan doesn't understand a $400 bottle of wine, new dishes at Dunsmoor, the return of Oxalis meal planning is spiraling out of control, and Angler is kinda back with Leopardo, where the fellas give a first look of the pizza, meats, cocktails, and all the Angler feels that are most definitely not at the Beverly Center.
Within this episode I'm joined by psychic medium Erica Altmiller and our friend Nikki as we dive into what Erica picks up within Forever 21. The previous episode sets the stage for all of the activity that has been happening within this space and Erica blindly reads what she picks up on energetically.Within this episode I narrate to give further clarity on the audio snippets of Erica. From walking around the store, to entering the fitting rooms, to debriefing outside of the store, we cover several different areas within the space.It's truly remarkable to see the correlations between the associates' experiences and what Erica psychically reads within thus location. If you have any experiences within the Beverly Center, I'd love to hear from you!Thank you to Erica and Nikki for making this episode possible.*Trigger Warning*this episode touches on the topic of suicide. It is with full respect towards anyone affected by the tragedies discussed in this episode.-988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
The long awaited follow up episode on the Beverly Center is here! If you haven't listened to the first one yet or need a refresher, I recommend checking out "A Haunting at the Beverly Center" episode #13. *Trigger Warning*this episode touches on the topic of suicide. It is with full respect towards anyone affected by the tragedies discussed in this episode.-988 Suicide and Crisis LifelineThe Forever 21 located on the 8th floor of the Beverly Center is one of the most active paranormal hotspots within the mall. Whispering voices, cigar smoke, electronic abnormalities and moving objects are just some of the activity experienced by associates on the daily! In part 1 of this episode, I chat with 3 associates who share their personal accounts of what working within such a haunted space is really like. In part 2 of this episode (#24), psychic medium Erica Altmiller walks through the store and reads the space. Erica has no prior knowledge of anything that has happened within Forever 21 and shares what she picks up on, It's truly remarkable to see the correlations between the associates' experiences and what Erica psychically reads within the space. If you have any experiences within this location, I'd love to hear from you.Thank you to my guests and Erica for making this episode possible.intro - associate 1 - 4:00associate 2 - 31:05associate 3 - 42:30
Enter The Multiverse x Legends x LOSC x Acension x Deathwish x Secret President x Gerald's Workd x Tales of A Superstar DJ x The Suite Life of Sunnï Blū / The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū ... did I miss something? probably oh well. so far, on all these shows: [The Legend Returns] Really Bad Mixtape (Might as well get it out of the way now) Killst_rr (Instrumental) Sleep Deprivation Sequence You're not you when you're not you. Hoe_math Exactly what it sounds like. [UnderWorld.] R-R 1 -rarity. [i Come Undone.] AtPLAY Live Mix [Autopilot.] {A Star Is Born.} For fear of fire; Best not to wander off, With no back track– Might have forgotten the rest, but It wasn't a poem, or part of a song At least, not yet Fuck man. I really want to sample this. Can't sample deadmau5; he's a bitch about paperwork. You cant technically say that. I mean, I technically didnd't. Just let your fingers do the talking. Ooh, look at that one. What are you doing. Some online shopping. For what. A man-thing. You're better off letting your back end Handle the conversation Then again, When in search of a venue Anything with the proper connections And stereo systems Will do in the moment. What do you want? To get rid of my hiccups. That's it: *huccups* yu-p. Wow, that's– Have you ever thought about just– I've thought about just about everything–that's how you got here. I'm gonna go ahead and admit–there's too much going on in my head. It's a lot. I'm gonna need a nap. GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME. *sheath/ swoard* Is that the sword of skrillex. Yeus. Give it to me. *stabs in thigh* Oooh. Not the balls! fair. Around the world we go Around we go again Here we are Oh no, It's the same song Over and over I'd like you to love to today (I'd love to forget for a moment I haven't) I know before long, we get older and older All wrong, It's the same one, Over and over. Have you seen my butt plugs? NO! GROSS. It's alright. I'll just pick some up on the way. AGGH. Better yet, can you just put in the order on amazon AmAZoN. Yes. (I'm so happy Amazon has anal plugs.) Please stop now. You're being a baby about this–just- You know what. Nevermind. I'll do it myself. Please do that. Siri– Oh my God. Alexa–reorder from Amazon. Come on focus. …hmm…now what was I doing? A B L E T O N *spinning rainbow wheel of doom* …seems like it was something. Come on….FOCUS. Hm. When's the last time you had a marshmello. Flashback: [BONFIRE: Burning The Skrillex] *Also making smores* CUT BACK TO: Like never, I'm vegan. PASQUALE WAKE. UP. Holy shit. It's you again. It's always me. Last time you were like 26. Well, now i'm this age. Wait, how old are you. Wouldn't you like to know. There's a lot of things i'd like to know about you, Pasquale, that's not even near the top of the list. Speaking of “top of the list”-- I do have a lot of things to do today. Oh yeah, what's that? I don't know. A bunch of crap. Speaking of crap– This is a lot of speaking. Happy Birthday. What is this. It's Captain Crunch. Yes it is. What is it doing in my lap. That's your lunch. I–no, it isn't. It is. No, i'm vegan. Well, that's the “happy” part in “happy birthday” No… Yes, actually. This is – It is– Vegan. Damn. Jinx. You owe me a Pererier. Shut up. Or a LaCroix. I'll taka a LaCroix. You're so LA. I guess that makes you Beverly Hills– Or Pacific Palisades. Is that Annexed. It is “LA” What else is in this? No animal product… “Yellow 6” It reads! What happened to yellow 1-5? A whole story. Yes, but not a whole food. “Yellow 6?!” That's the chemical complex you need to find yourself in the right dimension. Exactly. What's wrong with this dimension? What isn't? I'm in it! You're in it! Like I said. What– Just eat it. Ugh– happy trails. *disappears* Ugh. I gave that dude too much money. Fuck, what was I doing again. Deadmau5. Uhm, no i was– Deadmau5. Deadmau5. OOOOOH> YES. I KNOW IT'S YOU, YOU SLIMY MOTHERFUCKER. Stop it. YOU STOP IT. I KNOW IT'S YOU. Who is it? STOP IT. Stop–doing that. I know you're deadmau5. I most certainly am not. I know its you. I have boobs. How did you do this. I did–n't. That's right. Fuck, what happened. Nothin. Now I gotta kill my stupid brother. You have a brother?! SKRILLEX. GET IN HERE. Fuck, run. I gotta go. Go where. Uhm. Somewhere else. DILLON, THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE. IT WAS NEVER FUNNY. (It was funny to me.) God does have a sense of humor. AHAH–AHAHA–HAHAHA. As it turns out, not the absolute best sense of humor. Oh—he's okay! He's okay! No, he's dead. He's definitely dead. But a sense of humor, nonetheless. Fuck man. What did you do to Dillon Francis. Nothing. I just got him drunk On what?! Cyanide? Okay, I don't even know what that is. He's a corpse. –but a pretty one. C'mon. Be serious. I can't. Why not. It's hilarious, kinda. This isn't funny. No, it's hilarious. He earned it. He “earned” it? Well, yes– He is dead. I mean, it's a long story; but he brought it upon himself, honestly. “Honestly” Please. PLease. Please. No, I said. PLEASE. I SAID NO. What's this story. That's ten. I win. Fuck. DILLOn WAkE UP. *smacks* ahah. I think it's working I think he's waking up. He's not waking up. He must be. He's laughing. He's not laughing He said “haha' *smacks* haha . See. *smacks* Mm. This shit smacks HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKSSSS. Oh shit, is this the 90s. HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKSSS. *slams* GIMMIE MY HONEY SMACKS. That's it. There's no more. AW, COME ON. Sorry, that's all there is. WHAT. But yu can have captain crunch. I DON'T WANT CAPTAIN CRUNCH. I WANT HONEY SMACKS. I'm sorry, there are no more Honey Smacks. You can have Captain Crunch, or Shredded Wheat. GRAMPA Shredded Wheat is MY favorite. Ugh. Mm. Honey Smacks. I HATE YOU. Be nice to your brother. Lol. Everything about Dillon's eyes makes him devastating. Who plays tiny Dillon? I don't know. There are like nine in the script. It shouldn't be hard to cast. We'll go to utah. Fucking. I hate Utah. WELCOME TO UTAH. Nice. Alright, well, what other grounds are there to cover, here? DILLOn FRANCIS I am not doing this project. Of course you are–it's in your contract. What contract. The one you signed. Which–no–I didn't. But you did. SUNNI BLU I got you a drink. DILLON FRANCIS That looks fruity. SUNNI BLU Try it. DILLON FRANCIS *sips* DILLON FRANCIS CONT'D What's in this. Just– drink it. SUNNI BLU Don't look at me like that. DILLOn FRANCIS Like what. SUNNI BLU Do you need a mirror? DILLON FRANCIS I– SUNNI BLU Look down. DILLON FRANCIS *does* SUNNI BLU *flicking nose* Made you look. haha . DILLOn FRANCIS Wow. [takes drink] SUNNI BLUThat's the spirit. But literally there's a mirror between your feet, if you need one. [there literally is] SUNNI BLU CONT'D The floor is made of mirrors DILLOn FRANCIS *suddenly inebriated* Oh wow. SUNNI BLU The whole club turns into a disco ball. DILLON FRANCIS *suddenly very inebriated* That's–convenient. SUNNI BLU It is. SHIA DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS. If my dreams were not just dreams, everyone in here would have a lawsuit against me. A lot of us do. Carry on, then. SKRILLEX BLAIGH. Oh shit, its you again. I swear to God, I thought I killed this nigga. Are you sure it was him? SKRILLEX !!!! No. Alright, i've almost got it. Almost got what. This whole– thing. Oh. –and–it's gone. Really, that quick. I don't think you understand what's happening. You're right, i don't understand what's happening at all. Oh shit. I'm deadmau5. Nice. Fuck it, lets do some trolling. Alright alright. BUT FIRST, COFFEE. Fuck dude, I don't think I should have anymore coffee. Too late. deadmau5. ok . Deadmau5. Nice. D–0 DOn'T D o THis, I'M WARNING YOU. …. If you open that portal, there's no going back. *opens portal* Now you've done it. *goes into portal* Fuck. *portal closes neatly* *facepalm* *entire series of cosmos collapse in the great distance–time begins to stretch and bend uncontrollably* Come on, just let me lick the balls. NO. I'll give you a cookie. well … OH my GAWD. What. Come here, you have to see this. What the fuck is that. I don't know. Should i pick it up? No, don't touch it! He picked it up. Oh, gross. What is this. I don't know. I think it's fanfiction. Who wrote it. Idk. somefangirl. Fangurl. FaNGiRls. Well, Hey, at least i'm not a groupie. OH COME ON, JUST LET ME SUCK IT. GET AWAY FROM ME. PLEASE. i'LL GIVE YOU $40. -well. NOW, A COMMERCIAL BREAK. Since when does this show have commercials. It doesn't. I want to talk to Jimmy Fallon. That's–not happening. Why not. JIMMY FALLON BECAUSE I HAVE A CONTRACT WITH NBC. There he is– Nice. JIMMY FALLON YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I AM A FAMILY MAN, OKAY. Is that like Family Guy? By Chance?! SETH MCFARLENE (with super long hair) *crossing fingers* I'm hoping so. JIMMY FALLON Not even close! SETH MCFARLENE *snaps* Dammit. Oh, I get it. It's like–The Cofffee run Which “coffee run” THE coffee run. We'll have to admit, it's probably the most watched coffee run of all time. Of all of them. You know what? Fuck it, fire me. I'm doing this show. What?! JImmy. Why on EARTH would you ever agree to something like this. JIMMY FALLON THE COSMIC AVENGER Because–it's my duty. Yo. You know that song that everybody knows? You know the song because everybody knows this song. It goes: Lovin you– is easy cause youre beautiful. do - do- do - do- do- do- do… Yeah. You know that song. But you probably don't know who sings it. I'll tell you who sings it. That song is by an artist called Minnie Ripperton. That's a mouthful. Yeah, one hell of a name, huh. Well, that's the lady who sings the song. It's Minnie Riperton. Now, let me tell you something else you probably don't know: Something I probably wouldn't know if I wasn't a DJ But i know this, because I'm a DJ AND MAYA RUDOLPH WAUT A MINUTE. What the fuck, Maya Rudoph, are you doing in my bathroom at 5 AM It's 1:15 in the afternoon. I'm a DJ. It's 5 AM. That's making sense. I know it is. What's not making sense. Is why you're in my bathroom drinking a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. So it is. *slurps milkshake* *sitting on toilet* *slurps* What do you want. You want to know what I want? Apparently, a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. OK. OK. OK so what. Finish the script. –What? Fuck dude, how does this song sound good every time? Congratulations, you've gone entirely insane. beep-boop . [DJ] B00p beep. [Music Producer] Beep-beep. 0.c. Do not fall dangerously in love; Do not pass go Do not collect $200 Or any of it For any reason, For any of it For any of them Just keep it pushin; Just keep it private Just hold it all in and Do not let go Do not fall in love Do not pass go Do not unload Do not walk Do not cross here Do not It smells like butter. But you're vegan. I know. Do you think you're having a stroke. God, I fucking hope so. GOD You WHAT. I want to die. GOD I thought i heart you right. You heard me right–a THOUSAND times. I want to die. Take me out of this life. GOD Not until you make dubstep. WHAT. GOD You gotta make a grammy-winning dubstep album. I what. GOD Or at least nominated. No, I don't. GOD Beg your pardon. I'm not begging. GOD What are you getting at, hon? Look; Am I not one with the source? GOD Uhm–you are. Alright, Then: everything is everything. GOD Yes. And everyone is everyone. GOD This is true. So i'm Skrillex. GOD Skrillex is Skrillex So I Am. GOD … And I already won a grammy. GOD … Like a bunch of them, right. GOD Uh. So technically– GOD YOu know what. I can't argue with that logic. This isn't ableton. No. This is Logic. What the fuck. That's not Serato. No, that's Rekordbox. What the fuck is this. These are CDJs. There's no hot cues! What the fuck is a “HOT CUE” This is not food. What the fucking sauce. I'm warning you, Pasquale. Get off my lawn. THIS IS MY HOUSE. Your house it is not. *House music starts blasting* *lasers* sprinklers* dancers* WHAT THE FUCK. It's voice activated, I just– How did you do this?! What. WHAT DID YOu DO. AND WHEN. I don't know! I just took the delorean, like you said. You were supposed to find Dillon Francis. I did! The problem was, when I found the right one, he was dead! What? He's dead? Presumably! What do you mean by that!? It's a long story! WELL, HOW LONG? SUNNI BLU About as long as my dick! WHO IS THAT. I told you it's a long story. Well, let me in! Sorry Pasquale. No Can do. What. Why not. Cause you're on a federal watch list. What. Yeah. Sorry. Wait… You should probably leave before the feds get here. What? Unless you want to stay and party on the lawn but–not recommended. This is bizarre. The police arrive, surrounding Pasquale on the yard–moving in to arrest him. WAIT. SUPACREE turns away from the window; inside, a room full of her aliases sit looking somewhat miserably; SUPACREE!!! [Pasquale is handcuffed and i dragged off of the lawn] SUPACREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Careless, Acoustic–deadmau5 SUPACREE pours a bowl of captain crunch, taking one colossal bite and sits down in THE CONTROL ROOM at a large computer console; inhaling from a can of nitrous oxide. I'm the worst DJ ever. SUPACREE places the fames deadmau5 helmet atop her head and begins working at the computer promptly, clicking away; Now is deadmau5 I don't even know what key this song is in. MEOWINGTONS, Alive and well purrs and stretches, then settles atop SUPACREE/deadmau5's lap. This is insane. I don't know what's happening. END CREDITS. V. O. Lovin' You, Minnie Ripperton Carless, deadmau5 idk how i'm gonna mix that. Trust me. Anything can be mixed. Anything. [When it] Turns out, The bottom of your heart Was the tip of the Ice Berg And the whole ship has [s]unk[en], [&] I[t]'s probably ice cold At the bottom of the ocean; I'll tell you where i'm from Why, I'll tell you anything for About one dollar Turns out, I've already got one eye on you; One eye'd sad heart I should probably roll out my art on you [I probably should not] One man bought a kiss, Another, a whole night from her– One man bought a whole farm The other, a Whole Foods Market –and you can't even franchise those Amazon's got a monopoly We were playing for corners of earth, All i got was some kandi, Subscriptions to candidly, Actually, I really liked the tree trial (I think i'll wait a week, sorry) When it turns out The world that you wanted Was actually hours already The dollar you got Was also borrowed And the money they wanted and got Was just actually stolen from someone else They bought all the food up And sold it for profits I promise this avocado Once costs nothing at all But you wanted that car for your daughter She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it My mom, on my honor Of all the garages in Lost Lands, I promise the owner of it was The first to go last, And the last to come home Now he's on his own alter And also the worshiper; How do you go back? Oh, you don't Oh you don't Oh, you don't wanna know that But i was of course, All of your rock bottoms It's bottoms and tops, and We don't let the top fall over, We're counting up crumbs And this muffin costs $24 dollars Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks For the dead homies Not dead in the general sense But just in the head, the heart, And the soul The homeless are happier at McDonalds Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere I'll avoid the power struggle at operations for about 18 dollars and 56 sense (Please, keep the pennies) I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's Something indecent, or decadent Whichever it is Cause i'm better of with the memory of it Than actually dragging it in. –I'm a cat again. Ouch. Shut up. It HURTS. Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics. YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid. Yes, but lucily for you– –or, for him– Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid. –Ouch– –Shut up. That we know of. George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* Lookie here boys: What is it? –I'm leaving. Oh, you're gonna wanna hear this. What. I found the first “whites only” water fountain since 1962. Okay, what do you want? A deal. Oh, I'll give you a deal. Cash up front. [He presents a one dollar bill] Is this enough. [beat] Where are you going with this? Nowhere, fast. YO. What now, dude. SHE'S ONTO US. I doubt that. Look at this. I highly doubt– *gaaassp* Shenanigans! You know what I like about you, Ariana? Everything. Hah. Hm. You know how to keep a secret. I don't know what you're talking about. Exactly. *rolls eyes, flips hair.* Well, here's another one for you. –Another what? This is how my darkness becomes your darkness. I already have enough on my own. I know. You don't know. Only God knows. MOM! Don't ask me again. This is heavy, Doc. What is it? The soup! It's too heavy. Too much cream? Way too much! I have a meeting! Meeting with who? The Hollywood People. When? Soon–what time is it? I don't know. Dammit! Why don't you have any clocks in your house? I only just recently remembered what a clock was. Oh! Here. [God produces a small pocket watch and presents it to him; it's nearly noon on EARTH; But the two are sharing a meal of course in the famed kitchen of the Creator in the TImeless VOID.] Ah, Jesus Christ! He's not here… I'm gonna be late. Now, now; You know I wouldn't let that happen– [a smug look| Hugs and Kisses. [As they embrace, he disappears into a mist of light and stardust, fading away from the void and into the exterior world; he realizes God has slipped him the watch; he flips it open to reveal the time: it is now 11:44] Amazing. V.O. Now you won't wait so long to visit. [He places the wach in his pocket and walks into the studio] MICHAEL J. FOX has been asked to reprise his role as MARTY MCFLY many times before; But never for a project like this. ____ Meanwhile, What am I going to do with you? [The Festival Project.™] YOU'RE DEAD TO ME! –I'm dead to everyone! Don't do this. You wanted to come to the other side. No, I didn't. We'll you're here anyway; Might as well stay awhile. With eyes like burning fire And saddles for the riders The horse begins to gallop (or the horses, rather) On the mark to beating drums To move them forward faster What the fuck is this. idk. Kx5. *-* !_! Here u go Wat is this. it's a dragon. Oh, thats nice. Ya. Whats it do. Idk. dragon things. ok. Don't put it in ur bathroom. Why. idrk. Hm. † Hey. Ugh–No, Kaskade, go away. It's me, Ryan! No, Get out! I'm No† Ka–k (gags) –skade! Gross! It's just Ryan! I promise! NO. GET OUT. Lmfao. Right. This show is fantastic. Who was that. Fucking–Kaskade again! Are you sure. Ugh. Looks like Ryan. Kaskade is Kaskade. {shrugs] Dudes a creep. “Kaskade Ruins Lives” Is this the same episode as before? Eventually, yes. Wasn't I doing something Are you goona let this go? Um. Well I'm fucked. Why, what happened. Obsidian. That should do Unsobsidian. Okay, i'm fucked, Well, what's this? An Oreo Cookie. I mean, sitting next to it. Oh, its a portal gun. Raves are not just raves– A party is not simply a “party” –These big festivals –they're diversions. –DIstractions. Distractions from what. If you were supposed to know, –you'd know. it wouldn't be so important that you go. Why is it? These ancient rituals… It's occult magic. They've got it down to a science. The government funds this. The government funds everything. WoooooooW. It's not really a secret, if you can google it. ‘-complications.' I'm lost somewhere, gone HIppopatamus feeling quite off in the galaxies, galavanting Gazing at Daisies Aces and spades Gone from Heaven to Hades for days On the A– Adjacent Recently dismantling adjectives, Lampshades and matching curtains God it hurts, every day that I think about you; But how can i be about you when You don't even see me, do you Signature consignments, Wrong environments and irony is, I wasn't invited– –but invented it WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Great, now I have to explain myself. You don't have to. What's this space for? Oh, that's the red room. [The Red Room] Well, obviously, but– But what? What's it for? I don't think anybody should read this. HEY. Participation Only– Oh! No peeking! You ever feel like you're doing too much? Yeah, but not for money. Look, we have them surrounded. Our best course of action is to– deadmau5 . What? No– DEADMAU5. Well, are you sure it was a mouse and not a rat? It was a mouse. I know the difference. Do you, though? Look, I've lived in Mexico and New York City. So. In Queens. Oh. That's mathematically impossible. I mean it's not–impossible. No, it's not just impossible. It's mathematically impossible. Has it ever occurred to you that the DJ World in entirety exists outside of the realm of math and science? What is this. Just–enjoy the rave. No. What is this. Look at the firewoooorkkks! Woo EDC… NO. What is this right here. BEFORE: Hey, you still got that balloon? Yeah. Lemme see it. Dude, what are you doing? …I'mma go catch me a DJ. THIS IS NUTS. I can't feel my face. What do you call this? Collateral Damage. Look, I'm going to have to take frequent trips to the bathroom. ok . And–uhh– and. Uhh– Why did you call me over here. Cause i can. Look. this is not magic. This is not science. This is not “voodoo” Voodoo is magic. It's just music. W H E R E D I D H E G O O O O O I don't know. Fuck dude, I fucked up. Once again– Of course you did. What did you do this time? I might have evaporated someone with my fat fucking bass. Nice. Way to go. Yeah. Wait. … Did you just say. HE JUST He deserted me. SO WAIT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HERE? ALRIGHT, WHO THREW A ROCKSTAR IN MY TENT? JEFF Alright, lets go. WHO DID THIS. So what's this place. Lets not let this conversation resurface. This is a 21 Plus Event. What about VIP VIP is 25 Plus. What about that place. Sorry kids. [NO ENTRY] We gotta get in there. So then they wanted an Encore. Did you give them an encore? NO, i was already at my hotel room. Then how did you know that they wanted an encore? WHICH IS IT, THE WYNN, OR THE ENCORE. FUCK, I DON'T REMEMBER. Please, who stays at the Encore for EDC? Have you literally never been out with rich people? No, I literally just got rich. Oh, nice. So, wait, like– Here we go. Dillon Francis has just always been rich? Uh-huh. And Skrillex has always been rich? Yes. Definitely. And deadmau5. deadmau5 is Canadian. OH MY GOD. W E L C O M E I'm going to need your absolute discretion about this. Alright. Sign this waiver. …this is a…pretty heavy packet. I'll wait. I've never signed an NDA like that in my life. Lil' biiiiiiiiiiiiiitzzzz Can we just admit it's weird that we live in an era where “NDA” is household jargon. And like, everyone knows what it means. Everyone knows what an NDA is. I appreciate the sentiments Isn't it weird how it sets in automatically? Autopilot, go. Aww, i don't want to be Autopilot. You're on autopilot. I don't really have to think about it anymore, I'll have to sleep on it Wear a white t-shift, Hear the applause of the audience, Eat it You wanna know what I think? You want to know what I'm drinking? You know what I need? An Icee, (cause I see you typing) An awful Omnipotence A God of Mirages No more carbohydrates, I gotta get all thin; Forgot to acknowledge Whether or not i'm turning this off soon I are. I…”are” I are. Infinite Reality. OH. I. R. IR! IR! IRV I ARE. Suddenly, I remember the taste of talcum powder As If I were Moving backwards In time, Like, Why, God on earth would My mom let me try that, But if i'm honest, Fuck man, I hate deadmau5– There's just too much in here. Beep boop. I love deadmau5. It's so simple. What is this, MATH?! THIS IS AERODYNAMICS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE AERO DYNAMICS DId you mean what you said about that? I meant everything I said. Goddammit, fuck this, I was in the middle of a really complex poem In realtime, listening to deadmau5 Having a partially out of body spiritual experience, Entirely fucking sober FACEPALM BLŪ 8facepalming dramatically in frustration* NOBODY IS EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN ANY OF THIS. beepboop. YO. Oh, I forgot my open form poetry, or my mom How my mom once allowed me to gnaw on talcum powder But who can blame her That was a hard one It was a past life And now ive Got Another One HOly shit what version of the cube is this. 1D. What. You'll get it. Wait. Have you ever stopped for a minute to think– I can't stop for a minute, especially just to “think” [Literally stops for a minute to think.] No fucking way, uh-uh. Come on, man. No. I ain't time travelin' wit deadmau5. Come on– NO. –that someone else has already figured all of this out and that's how any of it is possible in the first place. Alright, i'm gonna need some mind-altering drugs for this. What are you doing. Voluntary Ego Death. I– Wait. Why would you. Get out of my brain. I am your brain. Take care, now. Holy shit, it seems like she's getting more evil. That's because she's definitely more evil ALRIGHT, I'M TIRED OF THIS: WHERE IN THE FUCK IS SKRILLEX. MEANWHILE INT. IN THE FUCK. DAY. *rings doorbell* AT YOUR MOM'S HOUSE. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME. I'm not joking, that's…literally the answer to your question. Oh. Fuck. What dude. We gotta go back. I left the keys in the pocket of the guy I shapeshifted into. Are you serious? It's fine, he can't have gone too far, dude. What do you mean he “left the dimension” He entered a portal. He– wait, excuse me. A portal. A “portal”, dude? Yeah; a portal. What do you mean “a portal” A portal, like— you know, like a portal gun, but not a portal gun, just a portal. Uh huh. Excuse us for a second. What the fuck is this dude talking about? I don't know, man. Humans don't use portals! I know man. What the fuck! Well, wait—how do we know that guy is human. He looks human. Yeah dude but, we look human. Duh! Cause we shifted! Yeah, but, how do we know he's not a shifter. Because, dude, I know a shifter when I see one. Yeah, but—you know, what if he's really good. I highly doubt that. Why? Cause I'm the best. No, I am. Exactly, so we'd know if it was another shifter–cause we're the best shifters! Well, let's at least try to see if he knows anything else about those guys. They were together right? I hope not. No, not like that—like Okay, okay, whatever, let's just… Wait, where'd he go? Excuse me. What up. There was just another guy over here just now— He was like—you know—normal looking guy Tie die* shirt Yeah. Did you see him. Yeah, I saw him. Alright, cool, where'd he go? He left. What?! That was fast! Yeah, well…it happens. Are you sure? Yes. *actually is shifter* [as they walk away, the shifter shifts, and then vanishes into a random portal.] Awww, dammit, Now we're never gonna find this guy. Never say never. Whatever, we're dead. We're always dead. Yeah, but like in modern human slang terms Oh, yeah, that. Anyways, I gotta relieve this human's bladder. I fucking hate this species for this. It is useless. *enters portal potty* [ Wait, whatever actually did happen to Dillon Francis? That's great, I was just getting to that. 19 Pages. Nice. …no, 12. What. [11:12] Okay, I'm gonna kill him. Oh, I banished him. With my fists. Nice. Tits. Nice tits. Thx. Hey man. Hey what. Remember that smudge on the lens. Yeah. It just got bigger. … did you try vinegar instead of Windex. Yes. –IT'S NOT A SMUDGE. Did you try Windex with Vinegar. –IT'S NOT A– Shut up. I'm. So. Hungry. Look, do you want this, or not? Do you feel like any of this is a coincidence? Just quit, it. Dillon Francis. WHERE IS IT? I don't know. Lets kick this up a notch. ILLUMINATI What do you want? … I want the full package. ILLUMINATI Okay, I'm gonna need specifics. How do you even get a job as a courier for the illuminati? [INDEED.COM | ILLUMINATI - COURIER- URGENTLY HIRING] Hm. It was a pretty specific list. I don't even get the point of a barbeque if everyone is vegan Well, The Mayor eats fish. Oh please, where is THAT guy the Mayor of? I don't know. We meet in the Matrix. This is for you. Oh. Do you like it? I– It's not a brothel! It's Member's Only! YOu BUY a Membership. Yeah. And WOMEN. HEy, MAN, YOU CAN BUY DUDES, TOO. SHHH. Oh no. What. What did you do? I gave her my credit card. The Heavy One? Yes, and– “AND” –access to the black market. Cool, I got it. Oh, another auction. Of course another auction. What'd you buy this time? A lifesize deadmau5 bobblehead. What are you gonna do with that? Wouldn't you like to know. Ok, gross. LIL BIIIIIIIITXXXX I love a good deamau5 show. He really does have the best fans, It's a comfortable, safe space. Very inviting. Everyone is happy. What the fuck, dude, this place is a sausage fest. Yeah, that's deadmau5 for ya. Hey, I'm looking for this shithead. Oh, that dude? Yeah, have you seen him? Fuck, I wish this never happened. LIL BIIIIITz If you don't know who deadmau6* is– GET OUT. Jk. but seriously this is easily the most devastating person i've ever seen. Maybe just to me, but. Are you sure that's the right guy? Yeah, that's gotta be him. Is he wearing glasses? Ugh. Oh wait. Damn. ‘Fuck, it is my sapiosexuality, I think' Even if it was perhaps an error, as I might have more than needed a new pair of glasses myself, just the thought of Joel in a pair of specables was suddenly and immediately the equivalent of Dillon Francis sitting down at a piano, or Sonny doing just about literally anything–and I realized, finally, that the most indecent things about myself were quite possibly only happening inside my own mind– Okay, my body does really weird things to this dude's music. Are you sure this is real? No. I love this. Just shut up and do your job. What a nightmare. PLease HElP ME. Hm. That can't be right. What. This translates to H E L P M E Oh, shit, I gotta go. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm always working. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm at work. Well, that was nice and all, but–I gotta get out of here. Where are you going? To shoot myself. Wow, that's one hell of a smile. Just–take it. I'm sorry, i can't accept this. What is even happening in this series? Like, a lot WOULD YOU KIDS SETTLE DOWN. *not settling down* *lil biiiiiiiitz* You know what I wonder? I wonder this I'm sober. I'm just sober sally over here. I didn't get sober. I just am. Cause i'd rather face the pain of this harsh reality with a bite than to dull it out and then wake up in the morning Or–just–whenever– To wake up whenever and be like “OH NO, THIS IS WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE” And the shock of it is so horrible that I just have to repeat that cycle again. ‘OH NOOOOOO” *gets faded* “It's all goooooood” No, it isn't. But i choose to stay like that cause it's like a It's not even a happy medium, It's more like a median-medium But you know what? It makes happier moments more happy And shitter moments less shitty Because i don't have this like drastic spacial Augmented reality or like smoke screen of emotional apathy. I get to feel things way more intensely. I don't have to wonder, ever “oh , did that just happen, cause I was messed up” Or like “would it have happened this way if I was sober” At all. I'm just level– No false sense of Pretty much anything. But i do wonder, though– Like, for people who weren't always sober, and then GOT sober– like , what's the breaking point What's the tip? I always have to sit back and wonder “What did you DO?” Cause you know it had to be something if suddenly “I don't drink anymore” I always wonder, and it's like– no disrespect or anything thing but… I really wanna hear that story. lol . I know you don't wanna tell it (if you can) But wanna hear it. Cause from my point of view. IT's probably hilarious. I know. I'm a dick. Holy shit. What is that. Looks like pasquale went all out with the fireworks this year. …is that a penis? WELCOME HOME It's a giant dick- in-the-sky! GOD IS REAL! JESUS Look, so i've been having second thoughts about this whole thing. What the fuck man. You gotta stop doing shit like this. JESUS I literally can't. I know, but. Okay, look. I'm not writing any of that. You've gotta tell him. NO, RYAN. WELL, WHY NOT. BECAUSE, RYAN. WHY. DEADMAU5 ISN'T REAL. Damn, am I in here. Nice. Of course I am. Well, how'd that happen. This is like a sea of cellphones. Perfect. It was a red car; I wasn't all there, And if you want her, You can have her Fuck. What. I forgot the rest of the verse. It's ok. We gotta move on. No, I gotta go back. For what. For my fans. Aw. What's this. IT's a ceramic mug. Wow, that's nice. I made it Wait. You made that?! Yeah. With your hands?! Yeah. Why would you do that? For you. What. I made it for you? Like, you thought of me first, then you made it? Yeah. WHY? Cause i love you! WOW. Fans are awesome OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *Sometimes. *vomits* … *dies* … *godlessness* [Devastating DJ Moments] I don't get it dawg, all this shit is in your music particles?! “Music particles” UGH. what . That's it. Don't be smart around me. Uh. I'm not smart? No, that won't work; sarcasm is a sign of deeper intelligence. “Sorry” Stop saying that. This is America. S– Don't say it again. Apology not accepted. Don't look at me like that. Like what. With your face. *face* Quick: Say something stupid and random. …I like anime. Oh good, that worked. Thanks. Where are you going? Idk somewhere else. Really, that's it? Yeah. That's all you have to say/ That's literally it. Are you seeing this. Yes. So what's the problem. Oh no, she's stuck in a loop. Throw the whole fan away. [DELETE] Did it work. Did what work. Oh, good. Cool. Wait. See ya later. Did what work? I wish i could just forget about this. Everything? Yeah. Look, this is between me and God–okay? GOD Don't drag me into this. You dragged ME into this! GOD Right. So i could get OUT; So don't drag me back in. Fuck, I remember this. I must have done something important here. Like what. Look, I love you. Great, now what do we do? Bury the body, I guess. *shrugs* Wait, what happened? Somebody dies. OKay, me first. Other Three: Who wants to go next. *still in shock* Fuck man, told you this was a long ass story. *Crying* I'm ruined. What! You went broke? No, i'm still a filthy rich millionaire. I thought you were a billionaire. I am I just *snifs* sometimes I forget that happened. “Sometimes I forget I'm a billionaire” I got to admit, man, I did it to myself. I'm not mad, or anything, but now there's just–certain things I can't do Oh, like what. Not that song. What, why not? You said “anything but Skrillex” this is not Skrillex, this is deadmau5. What's the difference? Okay, that's like saying “What's the difference between deadmau5' and my music?” No, it isn't. How is that not different? That's like comparing the music of Bach and Beethoven to the music of a tattooed hedgehog. You think I look like a hedgehog. No, it's just when I see you and a hedgehog I have all the same thoughts, turn this off. NO, i like this song. Seriously, Dillon Francis, turn it off. I'm gonna turn it up instead. I do not highly recommend doing that. Or at all. This ship has amazing subs. Should I bass boost this song. NO, PROBABLY NOT. Oh, why not? Dillon Francis, I'm warning you, stop. OH HOW COME BECAUSE WHY? BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A HEDEHOG NO, BECAUSE I ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP AT THIS *DROP* [INSTANTLY FALLS ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL–ACTIVATES HYPERSPACE– PLUMMETS SHIP INTO BLACK – HOLE. ohhhhh . What a hoe. Nice, that's a whole episode. Well, here's a bonus scene or whatever. Shazam, what is this. SHAZAM …i don't know. What do you mean you don't know. SHAZAM *panicing* IDONNO WHAT DO YOU MEAN– SHAZAM IDON. NO. OOOOOOOOOOOO Is this deadmau5. I'm not sure. Sounds like deadmau5. It sure does. This is pretty Ooh. it sparkles. yeah , it's deadmau5. How does she KNOW. I need a deadmau5 machine like right now. I know where to find that. Fuck dude, everything's gonna be half-ass until I push out this album. You can't rush it. Trust the process. I can't focus. Oh shit, wasn't this in the last episode? Yeah. I'm still writing backwards. God, what is that, like a pipe organ. WHAT SYNTH IS THIS. Doesn't matter, I just need one. That's it. I know what I'm going to spend my Jimmy Fallons On. And What's that? V.O. OOh. Are we Montaging–to deadmau5? [MONTAGE: deadmau5] Nice. I love a good montage. I love deadmau45* AHH OH NO. I love deadmau5. I keep making typos and I keep forgetting to delete that parallel where. fuckit. That's the synth I've always wanted. It's on sale for $999 At Sam Ash But…you only have Five JImmy Fallons. There are only five special edition in this Volume The Jimmy Fallon 555's I don't know how many volumes there are, but this is the Volume I started keeping track. Fuck, man. I miss Equinox. It's just Eucalyptus. They also have an outdoor running track where you get the best ever view of midtown manhattan. How do you know it's the best ever view of Midtown manhattan. Because it's on a running track. STOP WHISTLING IN MY WHOOP=WHOOPS. The JImmy Fallon 555s are marked with the standard Jimmy Fallon in black ink With a simple side marker of the number 555 in red And also in red, a telephone number on the back. But–that synthesizer is One Thousand Jimmy Fallons. Yeah. So I only need Nine Hundred Ninety Five More. And of course, the Eye of Providence is highlighted. Also Standard. V.O. I always highlight that. Cause, you know… “Illuminati” These are fake. No they're not! They're counterfeit, sorry. No they're not! They're authentic! Why the fuck does this matter so much? You know. What is it with this dude. If it was a snake, it would've bit ya. It was a snake. And it did bite me. He's so increasingly beautiful to me, And I'm still in love with his friend, or misrepresented masterpiece, Progression of a monster, or procession of a superstar, but Something in the story sparks the thought of All we are is consciousness, of course Awkward in body, but of constellations Cosmos, It's not just a corpse; It's all got love in it, Absurd, and sipping carbonated syrup, but I'm just sitting in my stirrups, Here comes galloping a horse, Of course, it hurts to turn it off For just a moment And remember That i'm just a homeless, Stuck and sitting up at night Writing recourse, hugging learning curves in ableton, Curving curses, been reminded that I'm worthless In a thousand words or less, Or just another form of torture, Nothing said, but all that's done Another day another dollar, But it's not It's Jimmy Fallon. I thought this was enter the multiverse. Are you ready to go. No. A hand on my shoulder So paifully socially awkward, I grow stretchmarks, don't know what to call them But scars, But the uglier ones, I've thought Are invisible, Somewhat– To the naked eye Or just anyone Not tiger stripes But one, an eye of horus Carved above my right And inside my lip, (The bottom one) A raised scar in the shape of a sythe I probably died by the hands of a man named Starr So it's hard to shrug it off, And 555 is just a number But it's not It's another scar, It's a punishment For loving him. What's on the back. It's…a number. What number? A telephone number. What. Like a 1-800 Number Call it. I love deadmau5. Something about a big, giant smiling robotic mouse that lights up and sparkles. Why? I don't know. I'm like 5. I see deadmau5 i'm like “WHEEEEEEE” My hands go up in the air “AHHHHHH! YAYYYYY” I'm so stupid. It's so stupid. But you know what? It makes me feel good. I'm not gonna lie. I love it. And by the time I even figured out what deadmau5 was I was so late to the party that I had to make up for lost time. I listened to deadmau5 doing EvErYThING. Everything you could possibly imagine. Well–Except one. Wait, how long have you been cellibate? Forever, probably. Fuck, what happened in here? I don't know. Everything's broken. My head My heart. Everything. Get up, Dillon Francis. Fuck, what happened. You sent us through a black hole. And we crashed on a random ass planet. Fuck, that sucks. YOu suck, Dillon Francis. Ugh. Now get up. Everything's fucked up. SUPERSTAR DJ I'm a paradox. I've got a box of skeletons in my closet i'm not ready to part with. I had a heart attack; I had a heart once, But lately it goes in my pocket; Or my right hand, When I wake up From a dream land, From a long hug From a nice man In a t-shirt KASKADE This is God's PLAN. RYAN, GET FUCKED. 800-799-7233 Did you call the number. Yeah. What is it. [National Domestic Violence Hotline] Woah. That was a long bonus scene. Well, Now here's a PSA. AND A PSA? YES. A PSA. You know what the fucked up thing about all this is, The Legend of Supacree is a true story. All of it. ALL OF IT?! ALL OF IT!? YES. Even the part about– YES. Especially that part. Woah. Damn. I think i'm gonna be sick. Shut up, Dillon Francis. No, but seriously– This is the story of how I got my heart broken so bad. YOU RUINED IT. So, so bad– I HATE YOU. That i started singing about it. NSA, totally *not spying* …are you hearing this. Yes. ILLUMINATI Check this out. Another one down. And how when you start making music– What is this. it's hoe math. And that music actually comes from a really real place. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. really real shit starts happening. You–killed yourself. well , to be fair–I lost everything first. Congratulations. Thx. Here's a skrillex. WHT. Kbye. Really, really, really. What, the fuck Dillon Francis, crawled inside of you to live and made it'self at home? Idon'tknow. What is in this sauce? Just–kill him. What, i can't just. Just kill him, while nobody is watching. Please don't kill me. Shut up, man. I'm having a thought process. Okay, that's it. FUCK DILLON FRANCIS. That's the spirit. THAT IS THE SPIRIT. IT'S THE HOLY SPIRIT. Who the fuck is this. It's–Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ? Jesus Christ?! JESUS CHRIST i'M BACK, MOTHERFUCKER. Wait, are you claiming that the second coming of the messiah is upon us?! YES. Well,Technically, it's the third. And it's all because of Dillon Francis?! I Please stop this HATE Help YOU. Fuck, dude. I know, huh. What did he DO. The third?! How did we miss that?! Uh, you didn't. [HITLER, being HITLER] (he was mad) Okay, that's it. You can't write any of this. Uh, I can. I just did. Technically, I'm dead: this is just a voiceover It's an 80's style PSA You can't say Hitler was the messiah. That's offensive. Everything is offensive. FUCK YOU DILLON. I'msosorry NOTYETYOU'RENOT. Wait, whatever happened to Skrillex. SKRILLEX is waiting outside of the alleged home of SUPACREE's “distant relatives” Lol is he for real at her mom's house. well , to be fair, he's like–looked everywhere else. Ur right. That was a lot of dimensions. So. like. Fuck, i didn't even have that much coffee. It just goes on forever. [DILLON FRANCIS STILL HAS HOTSAUCE IN HIS PUDGY LITTLE EYES] Good. Cause if I see the pupils, i'm wasting him. You think you can do better than this. Better than this? Yes. Yes. Then do it. Alright, is the PSA over? No, not yet. I gotta say one more thing. What is it? Would you ever have done it, Or would you ever be honest If you had, Handed her a lesson, Or a stretch of the past From the present moment, My heart, and my mind And my lover I present you this honor From now on to nowhere I no longer… Want to be near you Or to know you Or to hear you Or to fear you No longer… Want to feel you Or to touch you Or to have you Or to hold you Or to love you No longer, I no longer want you Devastating, A song stuck in my head for a whole world I wonder how long it would take to go back there A room full of actors, A manager, Never a backpack to wear Just a handful of hats, One director, Eventually producer Just now a showrunner Look at how long that took. I had to wonder what auroras in the north thought of someone like Sonny. They showed me. Now I can love you no longer So much for getting acquainted Funny what age equates to in ageless An infinite wisdom, I dismissed him, Nor, would I believe that he ever would hit her, but Some might belong in such a category Though i carry the marks and the scars Of what my once- husband did to me –but no longer. I haven't a heart in the world left But a broken one, made of amethyst. Fuck off, Dillon Francis. A calculated attack on my psyche. I like it a lot, But i'm fonder of sodom. WHAT. Are you saying you woul actually participate in an orgy! Oh GOD no! Oh, Good, cause– But i'd host one. WHAT. The hedonists are a fun bunch. Oh my God. Though, Nowadays, of course, I haven't the slightest idea what to call them. I saw the future. Well, obviously, if you've headlined EDC you've seen the future. I remember all of it. That must be awful. Why don't you remember it? Because i don't want to. Not at all. I did once. Then what happened? I hated it so much, i forgot. You forgot on purpose. I had to. Love, or Music. …Music. Love, or Fame. Fame. Okay, ouch. Love, or Music? …Love. Okay. Love, or Fame. Love. Okay. Love, or music? … Isn't that the same thing? Hm. Love, or Fame? ….Why do you keep asking me the same question. I beg your pardon? Why beg? I mean– What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, first you asked me, If would rather have Love or Music. Love. Music. Yes. In my mind, those are synonyms. Neither can really exist without the other. Okay, and Fame. Love and Fame are also synonyms– How so? Ugh, I just made this difficult on myself. It was always difficult. It really wasn't. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U. WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Yo My horizontal monster wants ya Could revert to vert, but lets keep Our options open Covert, __ My heart is broken No window open Who left the draft in –motherfucker My heart is broken I need a lover I need a lover Some one to hug me I need a hug, but And– I'm not fit to touch The hem of your garment The tip of your dick or fit enough to be your girlfriend I guess i'll just have to live with that When I have an itch, I scratch it myself I made the assumption you can't, And moved passed it But something's been calling me out, from the past Something's been calling me back to the magic I can't get around that Do you hate me? I can see that I'll just make my way back to the beginning Though I'm envious And i pity her, The both of you really There's nothing left between us except Insanity//Infinity Kendrick Style Flow Don't key my car: You'll be callin collect! I got rearview mirrors in the back of my head Don't get up right now, son– Go back to bed I got kids all over, be pulling my leg! Luke, I am your Father! Oh My Oh My God On top of the Watchlist You make money off dope; I made it on craigslist Still be sniffin that coke But now i'm on A list I'm the greatest Ey Miss! I missed too many calls (Airplane Mode) I just started my day (Whole Workload) I might need a buffet (Like Whole Foods) Sashe, Pas De Bourre (That's a code word) No dance floor? Now you're done for My forte Four-to-the-floor Hardcore I drop bass on the encore Front row won't go But i'm already out the front door You don't know I just hopped inside the helicopter, or chopper, chopped broccoli in my cup That's supper; Sleep/ Wake then Surf's up In the morning When i got there (Coastal show, Shower, Then another club Encore Front row lined up I'm already at the front door They want more I'm too sore, for sure Off subject, I dropped in Harder than Paulie On my surfboard (Another code word) This is my world: Another club, Then I'm off for a monday Or somethin' Write another song At the buffet –Tales of a Superstar DJ Amen. Fuck! I didn't even get to watch desperate housewives! Don't fuck with her! She's a trained assassin! GET ON THE GROUND. NO! GET ON THE GROUND– OR I WILL SHOOT YOU! SO? IF I SHOOT YOU, YOU WILL DIE. OK? “OK”? YOU WILL DIE. YEAH, AND? Kind of frustrating hunting down somebody who already has a deathwish. What do you do with someone who has no fear of death. Give them life. I'm telling you, we probably shouldn't be doing this. *shrugs* You split yourselves into two entirely separate individuals at once, just so you could see whose dick is longer? Technically, three entirely separate individuals. THIS ISN'T FAIR. Do you ever think? Sometimes, but it's usually pretty gross. I mean about the implications of these things! You are the implications of these things! I split my soul ONE time into 8 BILLION or so individuals, before this even had happened. WOAH, WHAT HAPPENED. I'm giving you planetary confinement. What. You–can stay here. On this planet. No. It's racist–and primitive. No– And you're black. Please– I'm leaving. –don't– –and i'm taking your portal gun with me. YOU PUT A PORTAL ON MY FACE?! Genius. Incredible. I didn't think it would be a big deal. He has two! Okay, time for work. But i didn't even sl– Coffee. Ouh. … … — I don't think we should be doing this TIA We probably shouldn't. TAMERA We very much shouldn't. What are you guys doing. Nothing. SHh. Summoning the devil. It's not the devil. It might be. Hush. Is that a pentagram. Technically it's a star, with a circle around it. That's a pentagram. It's not a pentagram! Is that a ouiji board? NO. Yes. Let me see. Ugh! I wanna help. MEANWHILE. MORGAN FREEMAN enters an empty train car: Oh God, This. Yes it is! What!? Are you dead! Entirely empty, that is–besides SUPACREE. No, you are! Great, so you're dead! I'm–not dead. Is Bob Saget with you? I'm not DEAD. What about Fraiser? What? Kelsey Grammer! God rest his soul. SEE! I'm not dead– [beat, an eerie shadowy silence in the dimly lit traincar] I'm a Legend. What. I wrote that/ You wrote that. What. Ugh. Look. Morgan Freeman. [Morgan Freeman] I–am–like a paranoid schizophrenic, or something– So, who isn't?! It might be catatonic, I don't know–I got this whole dead-hand–thing–going on. What is that? I don't know. It might just be too much deadmau5. I don't understand. No, Morgan Freeman. I don't understand. Anything about this life. Or this world. The fourth dimension. I definitely don't know anything about that. You're in it. Whatever. Look. [Morgan Freeman] God, you have so many freckles. [Morgan Freeman] Look. I got problems. We all do! Nah, not like–Hollywood problems, I'm like, a real psycho and shit. Sounds like Hollywood. Everything sounds like Hollywood–because nothing is real anymore–everything is for the gram, the points don't matter–nothing actyally matters. At all. Oh? Oh. The train comes to a sudden halt, the lights dim theatrically. Not even this? [pause] He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golden pinata; You know who gave it to me? …Who? Got ya. He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golde pinata ; Fuck dude, i'm too tired to write this. But you kind of have to. I mean i don't have to. YOU HAVE TO. I–WHAT? YOU HAVE TO DO IT. WHY. BECAUSE OTHERWISE I DON'T EVEN EXIST; Then don't exist… I'M JUST A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN YOUR SHOW. Come on Drew, knock it off. Wait, is this Drew Carey, or Barrymore. Either or. That's why I didn't write the characters name. Well, which is it? It literally doesn't matter. Yes it does. Honestly?! It could be both! We just shoot it with both and keep whichever one we like better! But how do we know which is actually “better?” Just do it and mix it–cut it up together or something–I don't know! Cut takes! Cut Takes! Ooh, did someone say CUPCAKES. Don't mind if i DO. Well, I do! Why?! What's wrong?! Yeah! What's the big deal! I'm on a gluten free-thing Oh yeah? Keto. Or someshit. I don't know. Oh. Oh. So you don't want these No, I don't. And you wouldn't mind if I– Come on, man. So Good. Grow up. Hey man, i'm pushin 40. Well, I pushed 40–and it pushed back. Get your cupcakes out of my face. You're no fun. Hey! Aren't you that one guy from rick and morty. Formerly. Oh yeah! That's right! You were Rick AND Morty. Hence the name. Wow. Phewf. I heard about that. Yeah, me too. Sounds real bad, how that turned out. Such a shame. Speaking of shame– You're speaking, I'm snacking. That's not that clever. We'll work on it The point is, he's eating the cupcakes. That's not–wait a minute–hold on. What now? How are we ever gonna get these three guys in a room together. [Meanwhile, in another dimension–these three are tied up (read: bound and gagged) in a room together. –Let alone to agree to this!? SUPACREE removes the gag from the man's [JOSH PECK'S] mouth. I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS. That's what she said! Hey! That's not fair! I was never caught up in a scandal! The key word, I believe, is “never caught” That's two words! SHUTTHEFUCKUP. How many words is that? I WANT MY LAWYER!!!! For what? This isn't court. Wouldn't you want the police first? WELL THEN, I WANT THE POLICE. The Police are here. Wait, they are? Oh, thank God Not so fast. THE POLICE enter with full entourage. Introducing: The Police–playing their number one greatest smash hit! Groupies: Woooo! STING I hope you ladies bought the meet-and-greet package, if you know what I mean. *winks awkwardly* You know what I mean. Oh my God. Since you dudes love doing creepy dude shit, I brought some more notoriously creepy dudes to sing the literally creepiest song ever written about being a creepy dude. That's not fair. But it's funny. THE POLICE Begin to play ‘I'll be Watching You” –and they're gonna play it on loop until I get back with your other-dimensional selves so we can fix all this. “WE” “FIX ALL THIS” WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Nobody seems to know. “--I'll be watching you–” I was FRAMED. CUT TO a golden pocket watch, a wrist watch, a compass–it changes and morphs so quickly that it begins to seem to spin time itself into a whirlwind, until finally a portal opens up from within his hand–a portal which quickly devours him entirely, morphing him into Fuck, what the fuck happened after that Idk I got off the train I guess This is really terribly written INT. SAM ASH MANHATTAN. DAY. A tiny conga for 90 dollars I could die in here Maybe I am just like you I find my way to the prettiest thing in the room And have my way with it Just for a few minutes Consume it, then move on Saw Madison dancing badly on Madison Avenue It's okay, You're a white girl So everybody loves you Everybody loves you Everybody loves you, no matter what you do. As for me, I can't say when I'm going through But you couldn't do it, Madison That's as bad as being at a standst
Enter The Multiverse x Legends x LOSC x Acension x Deathwish x Secret President x Gerald's Workd x Tales of A Superstar DJ x The Suite Life of Sunnï Blū / The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū ... did I miss something? probably oh well. so far, on all these shows: [The Legend Returns] Really Bad Mixtape (Might as well get it out of the way now) Killst_rr (Instrumental) Sleep Deprivation Sequence You're not you when you're not you. Hoe_math Exactly what it sounds like. [UnderWorld.] R-R 1 -rarity. [i Come Undone.] AtPLAY Live Mix [Autopilot.] {A Star Is Born.} For fear of fire; Best not to wander off, With no back track– Might have forgotten the rest, but It wasn't a poem, or part of a song At least, not yet Fuck man. I really want to sample this. Can't sample deadmau5; he's a bitch about paperwork. You cant technically say that. I mean, I technically didnd't. Just let your fingers do the talking. Ooh, look at that one. What are you doing. Some online shopping. For what. A man-thing. You're better off letting your back end Handle the conversation Then again, When in search of a venue Anything with the proper connections And stereo systems Will do in the moment. What do you want? To get rid of my hiccups. That's it: *huccups* yu-p. Wow, that's– Have you ever thought about just– I've thought about just about everything–that's how you got here. I'm gonna go ahead and admit–there's too much going on in my head. It's a lot. I'm gonna need a nap. GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME. *sheath/ swoard* Is that the sword of skrillex. Yeus. Give it to me. *stabs in thigh* Oooh. Not the balls! fair. Around the world we go Around we go again Here we are Oh no, It's the same song Over and over I'd like you to love to today (I'd love to forget for a moment I haven't) I know before long, we get older and older All wrong, It's the same one, Over and over. Have you seen my butt plugs? NO! GROSS. It's alright. I'll just pick some up on the way. AGGH. Better yet, can you just put in the order on amazon AmAZoN. Yes. (I'm so happy Amazon has anal plugs.) Please stop now. You're being a baby about this–just- You know what. Nevermind. I'll do it myself. Please do that. Siri– Oh my God. Alexa–reorder from Amazon. Come on focus. …hmm…now what was I doing? A B L E T O N *spinning rainbow wheel of doom* …seems like it was something. Come on….FOCUS. Hm. When's the last time you had a marshmello. Flashback: [BONFIRE: Burning The Skrillex] *Also making smores* CUT BACK TO: Like never, I'm vegan. PASQUALE WAKE. UP. Holy shit. It's you again. It's always me. Last time you were like 26. Well, now i'm this age. Wait, how old are you. Wouldn't you like to know. There's a lot of things i'd like to know about you, Pasquale, that's not even near the top of the list. Speaking of “top of the list”-- I do have a lot of things to do today. Oh yeah, what's that? I don't know. A bunch of crap. Speaking of crap– This is a lot of speaking. Happy Birthday. What is this. It's Captain Crunch. Yes it is. What is it doing in my lap. That's your lunch. I–no, it isn't. It is. No, i'm vegan. Well, that's the “happy” part in “happy birthday” No… Yes, actually. This is – It is– Vegan. Damn. Jinx. You owe me a Pererier. Shut up. Or a LaCroix. I'll taka a LaCroix. You're so LA. I guess that makes you Beverly Hills– Or Pacific Palisades. Is that Annexed. It is “LA” What else is in this? No animal product… “Yellow 6” It reads! What happened to yellow 1-5? A whole story. Yes, but not a whole food. “Yellow 6?!” That's the chemical complex you need to find yourself in the right dimension. Exactly. What's wrong with this dimension? What isn't? I'm in it! You're in it! Like I said. What– Just eat it. Ugh– happy trails. *disappears* Ugh. I gave that dude too much money. Fuck, what was I doing again. Deadmau5. Uhm, no i was– Deadmau5. Deadmau5. OOOOOH> YES. I KNOW IT'S YOU, YOU SLIMY MOTHERFUCKER. Stop it. YOU STOP IT. I KNOW IT'S YOU. Who is it? STOP IT. Stop–doing that. I know you're deadmau5. I most certainly am not. I know its you. I have boobs. How did you do this. I did–n't. That's right. Fuck, what happened. Nothin. Now I gotta kill my stupid brother. You have a brother?! SKRILLEX. GET IN HERE. Fuck, run. I gotta go. Go where. Uhm. Somewhere else. DILLON, THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE. IT WAS NEVER FUNNY. (It was funny to me.) God does have a sense of humor. AHAH–AHAHA–HAHAHA. As it turns out, not the absolute best sense of humor. Oh—he's okay! He's okay! No, he's dead. He's definitely dead. But a sense of humor, nonetheless. Fuck man. What did you do to Dillon Francis. Nothing. I just got him drunk On what?! Cyanide? Okay, I don't even know what that is. He's a corpse. –but a pretty one. C'mon. Be serious. I can't. Why not. It's hilarious, kinda. This isn't funny. No, it's hilarious. He earned it. He “earned” it? Well, yes– He is dead. I mean, it's a long story; but he brought it upon himself, honestly. “Honestly” Please. PLease. Please. No, I said. PLEASE. I SAID NO. What's this story. That's ten. I win. Fuck. DILLOn WAkE UP. *smacks* ahah. I think it's working I think he's waking up. He's not waking up. He must be. He's laughing. He's not laughing He said “haha' *smacks* haha . See. *smacks* Mm. This shit smacks HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKSSSS. Oh shit, is this the 90s. HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKSSS. *slams* GIMMIE MY HONEY SMACKS. That's it. There's no more. AW, COME ON. Sorry, that's all there is. WHAT. But yu can have captain crunch. I DON'T WANT CAPTAIN CRUNCH. I WANT HONEY SMACKS. I'm sorry, there are no more Honey Smacks. You can have Captain Crunch, or Shredded Wheat. GRAMPA Shredded Wheat is MY favorite. Ugh. Mm. Honey Smacks. I HATE YOU. Be nice to your brother. Lol. Everything about Dillon's eyes makes him devastating. Who plays tiny Dillon? I don't know. There are like nine in the script. It shouldn't be hard to cast. We'll go to utah. Fucking. I hate Utah. WELCOME TO UTAH. Nice. Alright, well, what other grounds are there to cover, here? DILLOn FRANCIS I am not doing this project. Of course you are–it's in your contract. What contract. The one you signed. Which–no–I didn't. But you did. SUNNI BLU I got you a drink. DILLON FRANCIS That looks fruity. SUNNI BLU Try it. DILLON FRANCIS *sips* DILLON FRANCIS CONT'D What's in this. Just– drink it. SUNNI BLU Don't look at me like that. DILLOn FRANCIS Like what. SUNNI BLU Do you need a mirror? DILLON FRANCIS I– SUNNI BLU Look down. DILLON FRANCIS *does* SUNNI BLU *flicking nose* Made you look. haha . DILLOn FRANCIS Wow. [takes drink] SUNNI BLUThat's the spirit. But literally there's a mirror between your feet, if you need one. [there literally is] SUNNI BLU CONT'D The floor is made of mirrors DILLOn FRANCIS *suddenly inebriated* Oh wow. SUNNI BLU The whole club turns into a disco ball. DILLON FRANCIS *suddenly very inebriated* That's–convenient. SUNNI BLU It is. SHIA DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS. If my dreams were not just dreams, everyone in here would have a lawsuit against me. A lot of us do. Carry on, then. SKRILLEX BLAIGH. Oh shit, its you again. I swear to God, I thought I killed this nigga. Are you sure it was him? SKRILLEX !!!! No. Alright, i've almost got it. Almost got what. This whole– thing. Oh. –and–it's gone. Really, that quick. I don't think you understand what's happening. You're right, i don't understand what's happening at all. Oh shit. I'm deadmau5. Nice. Fuck it, lets do some trolling. Alright alright. BUT FIRST, COFFEE. Fuck dude, I don't think I should have anymore coffee. Too late. deadmau5. ok . Deadmau5. Nice. D–0 DOn'T D o THis, I'M WARNING YOU. …. If you open that portal, there's no going back. *opens portal* Now you've done it. *goes into portal* Fuck. *portal closes neatly* *facepalm* *entire series of cosmos collapse in the great distance–time begins to stretch and bend uncontrollably* Come on, just let me lick the balls. NO. I'll give you a cookie. well … OH my GAWD. What. Come here, you have to see this. What the fuck is that. I don't know. Should i pick it up? No, don't touch it! He picked it up. Oh, gross. What is this. I don't know. I think it's fanfiction. Who wrote it. Idk. somefangirl. Fangurl. FaNGiRls. Well, Hey, at least i'm not a groupie. OH COME ON, JUST LET ME SUCK IT. GET AWAY FROM ME. PLEASE. i'LL GIVE YOU $40. -well. NOW, A COMMERCIAL BREAK. Since when does this show have commercials. It doesn't. I want to talk to Jimmy Fallon. That's–not happening. Why not. JIMMY FALLON BECAUSE I HAVE A CONTRACT WITH NBC. There he is– Nice. JIMMY FALLON YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I AM A FAMILY MAN, OKAY. Is that like Family Guy? By Chance?! SETH MCFARLENE (with super long hair) *crossing fingers* I'm hoping so. JIMMY FALLON Not even close! SETH MCFARLENE *snaps* Dammit. Oh, I get it. It's like–The Cofffee run Which “coffee run” THE coffee run. We'll have to admit, it's probably the most watched coffee run of all time. Of all of them. You know what? Fuck it, fire me. I'm doing this show. What?! JImmy. Why on EARTH would you ever agree to something like this. JIMMY FALLON THE COSMIC AVENGER Because–it's my duty. Yo. You know that song that everybody knows? You know the song because everybody knows this song. It goes: Lovin you– is easy cause youre beautiful. do - do- do - do- do- do- do… Yeah. You know that song. But you probably don't know who sings it. I'll tell you who sings it. That song is by an artist called Minnie Ripperton. That's a mouthful. Yeah, one hell of a name, huh. Well, that's the lady who sings the song. It's Minnie Riperton. Now, let me tell you something else you probably don't know: Something I probably wouldn't know if I wasn't a DJ But i know this, because I'm a DJ AND MAYA RUDOLPH WAUT A MINUTE. What the fuck, Maya Rudoph, are you doing in my bathroom at 5 AM It's 1:15 in the afternoon. I'm a DJ. It's 5 AM. That's making sense. I know it is. What's not making sense. Is why you're in my bathroom drinking a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. So it is. *slurps milkshake* *sitting on toilet* *slurps* What do you want. You want to know what I want? Apparently, a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. OK. OK. OK so what. Finish the script. –What? Fuck dude, how does this song sound good every time? Congratulations, you've gone entirely insane. beep-boop . [DJ] B00p beep. [Music Producer] Beep-beep. 0.c. Do not fall dangerously in love; Do not pass go Do not collect $200 Or any of it For any reason, For any of it For any of them Just keep it pushin; Just keep it private Just hold it all in and Do not let go Do not fall in love Do not pass go Do not unload Do not walk Do not cross here Do not It smells like butter. But you're vegan. I know. Do you think you're having a stroke. God, I fucking hope so. GOD You WHAT. I want to die. GOD I thought i heart you right. You heard me right–a THOUSAND times. I want to die. Take me out of this life. GOD Not until you make dubstep. WHAT. GOD You gotta make a grammy-winning dubstep album. I what. GOD Or at least nominated. No, I don't. GOD Beg your pardon. I'm not begging. GOD What are you getting at, hon? Look; Am I not one with the source? GOD Uhm–you are. Alright, Then: everything is everything. GOD Yes. And everyone is everyone. GOD This is true. So i'm Skrillex. GOD Skrillex is Skrillex So I Am. GOD … And I already won a grammy. GOD … Like a bunch of them, right. GOD Uh. So technically– GOD YOu know what. I can't argue with that logic. This isn't ableton. No. This is Logic. What the fuck. That's not Serato. No, that's Rekordbox. What the fuck is this. These are CDJs. There's no hot cues! What the fuck is a “HOT CUE” This is not food. What the fucking sauce. I'm warning you, Pasquale. Get off my lawn. THIS IS MY HOUSE. Your house it is not. *House music starts blasting* *lasers* sprinklers* dancers* WHAT THE FUCK. It's voice activated, I just– How did you do this?! What. WHAT DID YOu DO. AND WHEN. I don't know! I just took the delorean, like you said. You were supposed to find Dillon Francis. I did! The problem was, when I found the right one, he was dead! What? He's dead? Presumably! What do you mean by that!? It's a long story! WELL, HOW LONG? SUNNI BLU About as long as my dick! WHO IS THAT. I told you it's a long story. Well, let me in! Sorry Pasquale. No Can do. What. Why not. Cause you're on a federal watch list. What. Yeah. Sorry. Wait… You should probably leave before the feds get here. What? Unless you want to stay and party on the lawn but–not recommended. This is bizarre. The police arrive, surrounding Pasquale on the yard–moving in to arrest him. WAIT. SUPACREE turns away from the window; inside, a room full of her aliases sit looking somewhat miserably; SUPACREE!!! [Pasquale is handcuffed and i dragged off of the lawn] SUPACREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Careless, Acoustic–deadmau5 SUPACREE pours a bowl of captain crunch, taking one colossal bite and sits down in THE CONTROL ROOM at a large computer console; inhaling from a can of nitrous oxide. I'm the worst DJ ever. SUPACREE places the fames deadmau5 helmet atop her head and begins working at the computer promptly, clicking away; Now is deadmau5 I don't even know what key this song is in. MEOWINGTONS, Alive and well purrs and stretches, then settles atop SUPACREE/deadmau5's lap. This is insane. I don't know what's happening. END CREDITS. V. O. Lovin' You, Minnie Ripperton Carless, deadmau5 idk how i'm gonna mix that. Trust me. Anything can be mixed. Anything. [When it] Turns out, The bottom of your heart Was the tip of the Ice Berg And the whole ship has [s]unk[en], [&] I[t]'s probably ice cold At the bottom of the ocean; I'll tell you where i'm from Why, I'll tell you anything for About one dollar Turns out, I've already got one eye on you; One eye'd sad heart I should probably roll out my art on you [I probably should not] One man bought a kiss, Another, a whole night from her– One man bought a whole farm The other, a Whole Foods Market –and you can't even franchise those Amazon's got a monopoly We were playing for corners of earth, All i got was some kandi, Subscriptions to candidly, Actually, I really liked the tree trial (I think i'll wait a week, sorry) When it turns out The world that you wanted Was actually hours already The dollar you got Was also borrowed And the money they wanted and got Was just actually stolen from someone else They bought all the food up And sold it for profits I promise this avocado Once costs nothing at all But you wanted that car for your daughter She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it My mom, on my honor Of all the garages in Lost Lands, I promise the owner of it was The first to go last, And the last to come home Now he's on his own alter And also the worshiper; How do you go back? Oh, you don't Oh you don't Oh, you don't wanna know that But i was of course, All of your rock bottoms It's bottoms and tops, and We don't let the top fall over, We're counting up crumbs And this muffin costs $24 dollars Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks For the dead homies Not dead in the general sense But just in the head, the heart, And the soul The homeless are happier at McDonalds Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere I'll avoid the power struggle at operations for about 18 dollars and 56 sense (Please, keep the pennies) I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's Something indecent, or decadent Whichever it is Cause i'm better of with the memory of it Than actually dragging it in. –I'm a cat again. Ouch. Shut up. It HURTS. Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics. YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid. Yes, but lucily for you– –or, for him– Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid. –Ouch– –Shut up. That we know of. George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* Lookie here boys: What is it? –I'm leaving. Oh, you're gonna wanna hear this. What. I found the first “whites only” water fountain since 1962. Okay, what do you want? A deal. Oh, I'll give you a deal. Cash up front. [He presents a one dollar bill] Is this enough. [beat] Where are you going with this? Nowhere, fast. YO. What now, dude. SHE'S ONTO US. I doubt that. Look at this. I highly doubt– *gaaassp* Shenanigans! You know what I like about you, Ariana? Everything. Hah. Hm. You know how to keep a secret. I don't know what you're talking about. Exactly. *rolls eyes, flips hair.* Well, here's another one for you. –Another what? This is how my darkness becomes your darkness. I already have enough on my own. I know. You don't know. Only God knows. MOM! Don't ask me again. This is heavy, Doc. What is it? The soup! It's too heavy. Too much cream? Way too much! I have a meeting! Meeting with who? The Hollywood People. When? Soon–what time is it? I don't know. Dammit! Why don't you have any clocks in your house? I only just recently remembered what a clock was. Oh! Here. [God produces a small pocket watch and presents it to him; it's nearly noon on EARTH; But the two are sharing a meal of course in the famed kitchen of the Creator in the TImeless VOID.] Ah, Jesus Christ! He's not here… I'm gonna be late. Now, now; You know I wouldn't let that happen– [a smug look| Hugs and Kisses. [As they embrace, he disappears into a mist of light and stardust, fading away from the void and into the exterior world; he realizes God has slipped him the watch; he flips it open to reveal the time: it is now 11:44] Amazing. V.O. Now you won't wait so long to visit. [He places the wach in his pocket and walks into the studio] MICHAEL J. FOX has been asked to reprise his role as MARTY MCFLY many times before; But never for a project like this. ____ Meanwhile, What am I going to do with you? [The Festival Project.™] YOU'RE DEAD TO ME! –I'm dead to everyone! Don't do this. You wanted to come to the other side. No, I didn't. We'll you're here anyway; Might as well stay awhile. With eyes like burning fire And saddles for the riders The horse begins to gallop (or the horses, rather) On the mark to beating drums To move them forward faster What the fuck is this. idk. Kx5. *-* !_! Here u go Wat is this. it's a dragon. Oh, thats nice. Ya. Whats it do. Idk. dragon things. ok. Don't put it in ur bathroom. Why. idrk. Hm. † Hey. Ugh–No, Kaskade, go away. It's me, Ryan! No, Get out! I'm No† Ka–k (gags) –skade! Gross! It's just Ryan! I promise! NO. GET OUT. Lmfao. Right. This show is fantastic. Who was that. Fucking–Kaskade again! Are you sure. Ugh. Looks like Ryan. Kaskade is Kaskade. {shrugs] Dudes a creep. “Kaskade Ruins Lives” Is this the same episode as before? Eventually, yes. Wasn't I doing something Are you goona let this go? Um. Well I'm fucked. Why, what happened. Obsidian. That should do Unsobsidian. Okay, i'm fucked, Well, what's this? An Oreo Cookie. I mean, sitting next to it. Oh, its a portal gun. Raves are not just raves– A party is not simply a “party” –These big festivals –they're diversions. –DIstractions. Distractions from what. If you were supposed to know, –you'd know. it wouldn't be so important that you go. Why is it? These ancient rituals… It's occult magic. They've got it down to a science. The government funds this. The government funds everything. WoooooooW. It's not really a secret, if you can google it. ‘-complications.' I'm lost somewhere, gone HIppopatamus feeling quite off in the galaxies, galavanting Gazing at Daisies Aces and spades Gone from Heaven to Hades for days On the A– Adjacent Recently dismantling adjectives, Lampshades and matching curtains God it hurts, every day that I think about you; But how can i be about you when You don't even see me, do you Signature consignments, Wrong environments and irony is, I wasn't invited– –but invented it WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Great, now I have to explain myself. You don't have to. What's this space for? Oh, that's the red room. [The Red Room] Well, obviously, but– But what? What's it for? I don't think anybody should read this. HEY. Participation Only– Oh! No peeking! You ever feel like you're doing too much? Yeah, but not for money. Look, we have them surrounded. Our best course of action is to– deadmau5 . What? No– DEADMAU5. Well, are you sure it was a mouse and not a rat? It was a mouse. I know the difference. Do you, though? Look, I've lived in Mexico and New York City. So. In Queens. Oh. That's mathematically impossible. I mean it's not–impossible. No, it's not just impossible. It's mathematically impossible. Has it ever occurred to you that the DJ World in entirety exists outside of the realm of math and science? What is this. Just–enjoy the rave. No. What is this. Look at the firewoooorkkks! Woo EDC… NO. What is this right here. BEFORE: Hey, you still got that balloon? Yeah. Lemme see it. Dude, what are you doing? …I'mma go catch me a DJ. THIS IS NUTS. I can't feel my face. What do you call this? Collateral Damage. Look, I'm going to have to take frequent trips to the bathroom. ok . And–uhh– and. Uhh– Why did you call me over here. Cause i can. Look. this is not magic. This is not science. This is not “voodoo” Voodoo is magic. It's just music. W H E R E D I D H E G O O O O O I don't know. Fuck dude, I fucked up. Once again– Of course you did. What did you do this time? I might have evaporated someone with my fat fucking bass. Nice. Way to go. Yeah. Wait. … Did you just say. HE JUST He deserted me. SO WAIT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HERE? ALRIGHT, WHO THREW A ROCKSTAR IN MY TENT? JEFF Alright, lets go. WHO DID THIS. So what's this place. Lets not let this conversation resurface. This is a 21 Plus Event. What about VIP VIP is 25 Plus. What about that place. Sorry kids. [NO ENTRY] We gotta get in there. So then they wanted an Encore. Did you give them an encore? NO, i was already at my hotel room. Then how did you know that they wanted an encore? WHICH IS IT, THE WYNN, OR THE ENCORE. FUCK, I DON'T REMEMBER. Please, who stays at the Encore for EDC? Have you literally never been out with rich people? No, I literally just got rich. Oh, nice. So, wait, like– Here we go. Dillon Francis has just always been rich? Uh-huh. And Skrillex has always been rich? Yes. Definitely. And deadmau5. deadmau5 is Canadian. OH MY GOD. W E L C O M E I'm going to need your absolute discretion about this. Alright. Sign this waiver. …this is a…pretty heavy packet. I'll wait. I've never signed an NDA like that in my life. Lil' biiiiiiiiiiiiiitzzzz Can we just admit it's weird that we live in an era where “NDA” is household jargon. And like, everyone knows what it means. Everyone knows what an NDA is. I appreciate the sentiments Isn't it weird how it sets in automatically? Autopilot, go. Aww, i don't want to be Autopilot. You're on autopilot. I don't really have to think about it anymore, I'll have to sleep on it Wear a white t-shift, Hear the applause of the audience, Eat it You wanna know what I think? You want to know what I'm drinking? You know what I need? An Icee, (cause I see you typing) An awful Omnipotence A God of Mirages No more carbohydrates, I gotta get all thin; Forgot to acknowledge Whether or not i'm turning this off soon I are. I…”are” I are. Infinite Reality. OH. I. R. IR! IR! IRV I ARE. Suddenly, I remember the taste of talcum powder As If I were Moving backwards In time, Like, Why, God on earth would My mom let me try that, But if i'm honest, Fuck man, I hate deadmau5– There's just too much in here. Beep boop. I love deadmau5. It's so simple. What is this, MATH?! THIS IS AERODYNAMICS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE AERO DYNAMICS DId you mean what you said about that? I meant everything I said. Goddammit, fuck this, I was in the middle of a really complex poem In realtime, listening to deadmau5 Having a partially out of body spiritual experience, Entirely fucking sober FACEPALM BLŪ 8facepalming dramatically in frustration* NOBODY IS EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN ANY OF THIS. beepboop. YO. Oh, I forgot my open form poetry, or my mom How my mom once allowed me to gnaw on talcum powder But who can blame her That was a hard one It was a past life And now ive Got Another One HOly shit what version of the cube is this. 1D. What. You'll get it. Wait. Have you ever stopped for a minute to think– I can't stop for a minute, especially just to “think” [Literally stops for a minute to think.] No fucking way, uh-uh. Come on, man. No. I ain't time travelin' wit deadmau5. Come on– NO. –that someone else has already figured all of this out and that's how any of it is possible in the first place. Alright, i'm gonna need some mind-altering drugs for this. What are you doing. Voluntary Ego Death. I– Wait. Why would you. Get out of my brain. I am your brain. Take care, now. Holy shit, it seems like she's getting more evil. That's because she's definitely more evil ALRIGHT, I'M TIRED OF THIS: WHERE IN THE FUCK IS SKRILLEX. MEANWHILE INT. IN THE FUCK. DAY. *rings doorbell* AT YOUR MOM'S HOUSE. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME. I'm not joking, that's…literally the answer to your question. Oh. Fuck. What dude. We gotta go back. I left the keys in the pocket of the guy I shapeshifted into. Are you serious? It's fine, he can't have gone too far, dude. What do you mean he “left the dimension” He entered a portal. He– wait, excuse me. A portal. A “portal”, dude? Yeah; a portal. What do you mean “a portal” A portal, like— you know, like a portal gun, but not a portal gun, just a portal. Uh huh. Excuse us for a second. What the fuck is this dude talking about? I don't know, man. Humans don't use portals! I know man. What the fuck! Well, wait—how do we know that guy is human. He looks human. Yeah dude but, we look human. Duh! Cause we shifted! Yeah, but, how do we know he's not a shifter. Because, dude, I know a shifter when I see one. Yeah, but—you know, what if he's really good. I highly doubt that. Why? Cause I'm the best. No, I am. Exactly, so we'd know if it was another shifter–cause we're the best shifters! Well, let's at least try to see if he knows anything else about those guys. They were together right? I hope not. No, not like that—like Okay, okay, whatever, let's just… Wait, where'd he go? Excuse me. What up. There was just another guy over here just now— He was like—you know—normal looking guy Tie die* shirt Yeah. Did you see him. Yeah, I saw him. Alright, cool, where'd he go? He left. What?! That was fast! Yeah, well…it happens. Are you sure? Yes. *actually is shifter* [as they walk away, the shifter shifts, and then vanishes into a random portal.] Awww, dammit, Now we're never gonna find this guy. Never say never. Whatever, we're dead. We're always dead. Yeah, but like in modern human slang terms Oh, yeah, that. Anyways, I gotta relieve this human's bladder. I fucking hate this species for this. It is useless. *enters portal potty* [ Wait, whatever actually did happen to Dillon Francis? That's great, I was just getting to that. 19 Pages. Nice. …no, 12. What. [11:12] Okay, I'm gonna kill him. Oh, I banished him. With my fists. Nice. Tits. Nice tits. Thx. Hey man. Hey what. Remember that smudge on the lens. Yeah. It just got bigger. … did you try vinegar instead of Windex. Yes. –IT'S NOT A SMUDGE. Did you try Windex with Vinegar. –IT'S NOT A– Shut up. I'm. So. Hungry. Look, do you want this, or not? Do you feel like any of this is a coincidence? Just quit, it. Dillon Francis. WHERE IS IT? I don't know. Lets kick this up a notch. ILLUMINATI What do you want? … I want the full package. ILLUMINATI Okay, I'm gonna need specifics. How do you even get a job as a courier for the illuminati? [INDEED.COM | ILLUMINATI - COURIER- URGENTLY HIRING] Hm. It was a pretty specific list. I don't even get the point of a barbeque if everyone is vegan Well, The Mayor eats fish. Oh please, where is THAT guy the Mayor of? I don't know. We meet in the Matrix. This is for you. Oh. Do you like it? I– It's not a brothel! It's Member's Only! YOu BUY a Membership. Yeah. And WOMEN. HEy, MAN, YOU CAN BUY DUDES, TOO. SHHH. Oh no. What. What did you do? I gave her my credit card. The Heavy One? Yes, and– “AND” –access to the black market. Cool, I got it. Oh, another auction. Of course another auction. What'd you buy this time? A lifesize deadmau5 bobblehead. What are you gonna do with that? Wouldn't you like to know. Ok, gross. LIL BIIIIIIIITXXXX I love a good deamau5 show. He really does have the best fans, It's a comfortable, safe space. Very inviting. Everyone is happy. What the fuck, dude, this place is a sausage fest. Yeah, that's deadmau5 for ya. Hey, I'm looking for this shithead. Oh, that dude? Yeah, have you seen him? Fuck, I wish this never happened. LIL BIIIIITz If you don't know who deadmau6* is– GET OUT. Jk. but seriously this is easily the most devastating person i've ever seen. Maybe just to me, but. Are you sure that's the right guy? Yeah, that's gotta be him. Is he wearing glasses? Ugh. Oh wait. Damn. ‘Fuck, it is my sapiosexuality, I think' Even if it was perhaps an error, as I might have more than needed a new pair of glasses myself, just the thought of Joel in a pair of specables was suddenly and immediately the equivalent of Dillon Francis sitting down at a piano, or Sonny doing just about literally anything–and I realized, finally, that the most indecent things about myself were quite possibly only happening inside my own mind– Okay, my body does really weird things to this dude's music. Are you sure this is real? No. I love this. Just shut up and do your job. What a nightmare. PLease HElP ME. Hm. That can't be right. What. This translates to H E L P M E Oh, shit, I gotta go. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm always working. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm at work. Well, that was nice and all, but–I gotta get out of here. Where are you going? To shoot myself. Wow, that's one hell of a smile. Just–take it. I'm sorry, i can't accept this. What is even happening in this series? Like, a lot WOULD YOU KIDS SETTLE DOWN. *not settling down* *lil biiiiiiiitz* You know what I wonder? I wonder this I'm sober. I'm just sober sally over here. I didn't get sober. I just am. Cause i'd rather face the pain of this harsh reality with a bite than to dull it out and then wake up in the morning Or–just–whenever– To wake up whenever and be like “OH NO, THIS IS WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE” And the shock of it is so horrible that I just have to repeat that cycle again. ‘OH NOOOOOO” *gets faded* “It's all goooooood” No, it isn't. But i choose to stay like that cause it's like a It's not even a happy medium, It's more like a median-medium But you know what? It makes happier moments more happy And shitter moments less shitty Because i don't have this like drastic spacial Augmented reality or like smoke screen of emotional apathy. I get to feel things way more intensely. I don't have to wonder, ever “oh , did that just happen, cause I was messed up” Or like “would it have happened this way if I was sober” At all. I'm just level– No false sense of Pretty much anything. But i do wonder, though– Like, for people who weren't always sober, and then GOT sober– like , what's the breaking point What's the tip? I always have to sit back and wonder “What did you DO?” Cause you know it had to be something if suddenly “I don't drink anymore” I always wonder, and it's like– no disrespect or anything thing but… I really wanna hear that story. lol . I know you don't wanna tell it (if you can) But wanna hear it. Cause from my point of view. IT's probably hilarious. I know. I'm a dick. Holy shit. What is that. Looks like pasquale went all out with the fireworks this year. …is that a penis? WELCOME HOME It's a giant dick- in-the-sky! GOD IS REAL! JESUS Look, so i've been having second thoughts about this whole thing. What the fuck man. You gotta stop doing shit like this. JESUS I literally can't. I know, but. Okay, look. I'm not writing any of that. You've gotta tell him. NO, RYAN. WELL, WHY NOT. BECAUSE, RYAN. WHY. DEADMAU5 ISN'T REAL. Damn, am I in here. Nice. Of course I am. Well, how'd that happen. This is like a sea of cellphones. Perfect. It was a red car; I wasn't all there, And if you want her, You can have her Fuck. What. I forgot the rest of the verse. It's ok. We gotta move on. No, I gotta go back. For what. For my fans. Aw. What's this. IT's a ceramic mug. Wow, that's nice. I made it Wait. You made that?! Yeah. With your hands?! Yeah. Why would you do that? For you. What. I made it for you? Like, you thought of me first, then you made it? Yeah. WHY? Cause i love you! WOW. Fans are awesome OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *Sometimes. *vomits* … *dies* … *godlessness* [Devastating DJ Moments] I don't get it dawg, all this shit is in your music particles?! “Music particles” UGH. what . That's it. Don't be smart around me. Uh. I'm not smart? No, that won't work; sarcasm is a sign of deeper intelligence. “Sorry” Stop saying that. This is America. S– Don't say it again. Apology not accepted. Don't look at me like that. Like what. With your face. *face* Quick: Say something stupid and random. …I like anime. Oh good, that worked. Thanks. Where are you going? Idk somewhere else. Really, that's it? Yeah. That's all you have to say/ That's literally it. Are you seeing this. Yes. So what's the problem. Oh no, she's stuck in a loop. Throw the whole fan away. [DELETE] Did it work. Did what work. Oh, good. Cool. Wait. See ya later. Did what work? I wish i could just forget about this. Everything? Yeah. Look, this is between me and God–okay? GOD Don't drag me into this. You dragged ME into this! GOD Right. So i could get OUT; So don't drag me back in. Fuck, I remember this. I must have done something important here. Like what. Look, I love you. Great, now what do we do? Bury the body, I guess. *shrugs* Wait, what happened? Somebody dies. OKay, me first. Other Three: Who wants to go next. *still in shock* Fuck man, told you this was a long ass story. *Crying* I'm ruined. What! You went broke? No, i'm still a filthy rich millionaire. I thought you were a billionaire. I am I just *snifs* sometimes I forget that happened. “Sometimes I forget I'm a billionaire” I got to admit, man, I did it to myself. I'm not mad, or anything, but now there's just–certain things I can't do Oh, like what. Not that song. What, why not? You said “anything but Skrillex” this is not Skrillex, this is deadmau5. What's the difference? Okay, that's like saying “What's the difference between deadmau5' and my music?” No, it isn't. How is that not different? That's like comparing the music of Bach and Beethoven to the music of a tattooed hedgehog. You think I look like a hedgehog. No, it's just when I see you and a hedgehog I have all the same thoughts, turn this off. NO, i like this song. Seriously, Dillon Francis, turn it off. I'm gonna turn it up instead. I do not highly recommend doing that. Or at all. This ship has amazing subs. Should I bass boost this song. NO, PROBABLY NOT. Oh, why not? Dillon Francis, I'm warning you, stop. OH HOW COME BECAUSE WHY? BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A HEDEHOG NO, BECAUSE I ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP AT THIS *DROP* [INSTANTLY FALLS ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL–ACTIVATES HYPERSPACE– PLUMMETS SHIP INTO BLACK – HOLE. ohhhhh . What a hoe. Nice, that's a whole episode. Well, here's a bonus scene or whatever. Shazam, what is this. SHAZAM …i don't know. What do you mean you don't know. SHAZAM *panicing* IDONNO WHAT DO YOU MEAN– SHAZAM IDON. NO. OOOOOOOOOOOO Is this deadmau5. I'm not sure. Sounds like deadmau5. It sure does. This is pretty Ooh. it sparkles. yeah , it's deadmau5. How does she KNOW. I need a deadmau5 machine like right now. I know where to find that. Fuck dude, everything's gonna be half-ass until I push out this album. You can't rush it. Trust the process. I can't focus. Oh shit, wasn't this in the last episode? Yeah. I'm still writing backwards. God, what is that, like a pipe organ. WHAT SYNTH IS THIS. Doesn't matter, I just need one. That's it. I know what I'm going to spend my Jimmy Fallons On. And What's that? V.O. OOh. Are we Montaging–to deadmau5? [MONTAGE: deadmau5] Nice. I love a good montage. I love deadmau45* AHH OH NO. I love deadmau5. I keep making typos and I keep forgetting to delete that parallel where. fuckit. That's the synth I've always wanted. It's on sale for $999 At Sam Ash But…you only have Five JImmy Fallons. There are only five special edition in this Volume The Jimmy Fallon 555's I don't know how many volumes there are, but this is the Volume I started keeping track. Fuck, man. I miss Equinox. It's just Eucalyptus. They also have an outdoor running track where you get the best ever view of midtown manhattan. How do you know it's the best ever view of Midtown manhattan. Because it's on a running track. STOP WHISTLING IN MY WHOOP=WHOOPS. The JImmy Fallon 555s are marked with the standard Jimmy Fallon in black ink With a simple side marker of the number 555 in red And also in red, a telephone number on the back. But–that synthesizer is One Thousand Jimmy Fallons. Yeah. So I only need Nine Hundred Ninety Five More. And of course, the Eye of Providence is highlighted. Also Standard. V.O. I always highlight that. Cause, you know… “Illuminati” These are fake. No they're not! They're counterfeit, sorry. No they're not! They're authentic! Why the fuck does this matter so much? You know. What is it with this dude. If it was a snake, it would've bit ya. It was a snake. And it did bite me. He's so increasingly beautiful to me, And I'm still in love with his friend, or misrepresented masterpiece, Progression of a monster, or procession of a superstar, but Something in the story sparks the thought of All we are is consciousness, of course Awkward in body, but of constellations Cosmos, It's not just a corpse; It's all got love in it, Absurd, and sipping carbonated syrup, but I'm just sitting in my stirrups, Here comes galloping a horse, Of course, it hurts to turn it off For just a moment And remember That i'm just a homeless, Stuck and sitting up at night Writing recourse, hugging learning curves in ableton, Curving curses, been reminded that I'm worthless In a thousand words or less, Or just another form of torture, Nothing said, but all that's done Another day another dollar, But it's not It's Jimmy Fallon. I thought this was enter the multiverse. Are you ready to go. No. A hand on my shoulder So paifully socially awkward, I grow stretchmarks, don't know what to call them But scars, But the uglier ones, I've thought Are invisible, Somewhat– To the naked eye Or just anyone Not tiger stripes But one, an eye of horus Carved above my right And inside my lip, (The bottom one) A raised scar in the shape of a sythe I probably died by the hands of a man named Starr So it's hard to shrug it off, And 555 is just a number But it's not It's another scar, It's a punishment For loving him. What's on the back. It's…a number. What number? A telephone number. What. Like a 1-800 Number Call it. I love deadmau5. Something about a big, giant smiling robotic mouse that lights up and sparkles. Why? I don't know. I'm like 5. I see deadmau5 i'm like “WHEEEEEEE” My hands go up in the air “AHHHHHH! YAYYYYY” I'm so stupid. It's so stupid. But you know what? It makes me feel good. I'm not gonna lie. I love it. And by the time I even figured out what deadmau5 was I was so late to the party that I had to make up for lost time. I listened to deadmau5 doing EvErYThING. Everything you could possibly imagine. Well–Except one. Wait, how long have you been cellibate? Forever, probably. Fuck, what happened in here? I don't know. Everything's broken. My head My heart. Everything. Get up, Dillon Francis. Fuck, what happened. You sent us through a black hole. And we crashed on a random ass planet. Fuck, that sucks. YOu suck, Dillon Francis. Ugh. Now get up. Everything's fucked up. SUPERSTAR DJ I'm a paradox. I've got a box of skeletons in my closet i'm not ready to part with. I had a heart attack; I had a heart once, But lately it goes in my pocket; Or my right hand, When I wake up From a dream land, From a long hug From a nice man In a t-shirt KASKADE This is God's PLAN. RYAN, GET FUCKED. 800-799-7233 Did you call the number. Yeah. What is it. [National Domestic Violence Hotline] Woah. That was a long bonus scene. Well, Now here's a PSA. AND A PSA? YES. A PSA. You know what the fucked up thing about all this is, The Legend of Supacree is a true story. All of it. ALL OF IT?! ALL OF IT!? YES. Even the part about– YES. Especially that part. Woah. Damn. I think i'm gonna be sick. Shut up, Dillon Francis. No, but seriously– This is the story of how I got my heart broken so bad. YOU RUINED IT. So, so bad– I HATE YOU. That i started singing about it. NSA, totally *not spying* …are you hearing this. Yes. ILLUMINATI Check this out. Another one down. And how when you start making music– What is this. it's hoe math. And that music actually comes from a really real place. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. really real shit starts happening. You–killed yourself. well , to be fair–I lost everything first. Congratulations. Thx. Here's a skrillex. WHT. Kbye. Really, really, really. What, the fuck Dillon Francis, crawled inside of you to live and made it'self at home? Idon'tknow. What is in this sauce? Just–kill him. What, i can't just. Just kill him, while nobody is watching. Please don't kill me. Shut up, man. I'm having a thought process. Okay, that's it. FUCK DILLON FRANCIS. That's the spirit. THAT IS THE SPIRIT. IT'S THE HOLY SPIRIT. Who the fuck is this. It's–Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ? Jesus Christ?! JESUS CHRIST i'M BACK, MOTHERFUCKER. Wait, are you claiming that the second coming of the messiah is upon us?! YES. Well,Technically, it's the third. And it's all because of Dillon Francis?! I Please stop this HATE Help YOU. Fuck, dude. I know, huh. What did he DO. The third?! How did we miss that?! Uh, you didn't. [HITLER, being HITLER] (he was mad) Okay, that's it. You can't write any of this. Uh, I can. I just did. Technically, I'm dead: this is just a voiceover It's an 80's style PSA You can't say Hitler was the messiah. That's offensive. Everything is offensive. FUCK YOU DILLON. I'msosorry NOTYETYOU'RENOT. Wait, whatever happened to Skrillex. SKRILLEX is waiting outside of the alleged home of SUPACREE's “distant relatives” Lol is he for real at her mom's house. well , to be fair, he's like–looked everywhere else. Ur right. That was a lot of dimensions. So. like. Fuck, i didn't even have that much coffee. It just goes on forever. [DILLON FRANCIS STILL HAS HOTSAUCE IN HIS PUDGY LITTLE EYES] Good. Cause if I see the pupils, i'm wasting him. You think you can do better than this. Better than this? Yes. Yes. Then do it. Alright, is the PSA over? No, not yet. I gotta say one more thing. What is it? Would you ever have done it, Or would you ever be honest If you had, Handed her a lesson, Or a stretch of the past From the present moment, My heart, and my mind And my lover I present you this honor From now on to nowhere I no longer… Want to be near you Or to know you Or to hear you Or to fear you No longer… Want to feel you Or to touch you Or to have you Or to hold you Or to love you No longer, I no longer want you Devastating, A song stuck in my head for a whole world I wonder how long it would take to go back there A room full of actors, A manager, Never a backpack to wear Just a handful of hats, One director, Eventually producer Just now a showrunner Look at how long that took. I had to wonder what auroras in the north thought of someone like Sonny. They showed me. Now I can love you no longer So much for getting acquainted Funny what age equates to in ageless An infinite wisdom, I dismissed him, Nor, would I believe that he ever would hit her, but Some might belong in such a category Though i carry the marks and the scars Of what my once- husband did to me –but no longer. I haven't a heart in the world left But a broken one, made of amethyst. Fuck off, Dillon Francis. A calculated attack on my psyche. I like it a lot, But i'm fonder of sodom. WHAT. Are you saying you woul actually participate in an orgy! Oh GOD no! Oh, Good, cause– But i'd host one. WHAT. The hedonists are a fun bunch. Oh my God. Though, Nowadays, of course, I haven't the slightest idea what to call them. I saw the future. Well, obviously, if you've headlined EDC you've seen the future. I remember all of it. That must be awful. Why don't you remember it? Because i don't want to. Not at all. I did once. Then what happened? I hated it so much, i forgot. You forgot on purpose. I had to. Love, or Music. …Music. Love, or Fame. Fame. Okay, ouch. Love, or Music? …Love. Okay. Love, or Fame. Love. Okay. Love, or music? … Isn't that the same thing? Hm. Love, or Fame? ….Why do you keep asking me the same question. I beg your pardon? Why beg? I mean– What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, first you asked me, If would rather have Love or Music. Love. Music. Yes. In my mind, those are synonyms. Neither can really exist without the other. Okay, and Fame. Love and Fame are also synonyms– How so? Ugh, I just made this difficult on myself. It was always difficult. It really wasn't. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U. WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Yo My horizontal monster wants ya Could revert to vert, but lets keep Our options open Covert, __ My heart is broken No window open Who left the draft in –motherfucker My heart is broken I need a lover I need a lover Some one to hug me I need a hug, but And– I'm not fit to touch The hem of your garment The tip of your dick or fit enough to be your girlfriend I guess i'll just have to live with that When I have an itch, I scratch it myself I made the assumption you can't, And moved passed it But something's been calling me out, from the past Something's been calling me back to the magic I can't get around that Do you hate me? I can see that I'll just make my way back to the beginning Though I'm envious And i pity her, The both of you really There's nothing left between us except Insanity//Infinity Kendrick Style Flow Don't key my car: You'll be callin collect! I got rearview mirrors in the back of my head Don't get up right now, son– Go back to bed I got kids all over, be pulling my leg! Luke, I am your Father! Oh My Oh My God On top of the Watchlist You make money off dope; I made it on craigslist Still be sniffin that coke But now i'm on A list I'm the greatest Ey Miss! I missed too many calls (Airplane Mode) I just started my day (Whole Workload) I might need a buffet (Like Whole Foods) Sashe, Pas De Bourre (That's a code word) No dance floor? Now you're done for My forte Four-to-the-floor Hardcore I drop bass on the encore Front row won't go But i'm already out the front door You don't know I just hopped inside the helicopter, or chopper, chopped broccoli in my cup That's supper; Sleep/ Wake then Surf's up In the morning When i got there (Coastal show, Shower, Then another club Encore Front row lined up I'm already at the front door They want more I'm too sore, for sure Off subject, I dropped in Harder than Paulie On my surfboard (Another code word) This is my world: Another club, Then I'm off for a monday Or somethin' Write another song At the buffet –Tales of a Superstar DJ Amen. Fuck! I didn't even get to watch desperate housewives! Don't fuck with her! She's a trained assassin! GET ON THE GROUND. NO! GET ON THE GROUND– OR I WILL SHOOT YOU! SO? IF I SHOOT YOU, YOU WILL DIE. OK? “OK”? YOU WILL DIE. YEAH, AND? Kind of frustrating hunting down somebody who already has a deathwish. What do you do with someone who has no fear of death. Give them life. I'm telling you, we probably shouldn't be doing this. *shrugs* You split yourselves into two entirely separate individuals at once, just so you could see whose dick is longer? Technically, three entirely separate individuals. THIS ISN'T FAIR. Do you ever think? Sometimes, but it's usually pretty gross. I mean about the implications of these things! You are the implications of these things! I split my soul ONE time into 8 BILLION or so individuals, before this even had happened. WOAH, WHAT HAPPENED. I'm giving you planetary confinement. What. You–can stay here. On this planet. No. It's racist–and primitive. No– And you're black. Please– I'm leaving. –don't– –and i'm taking your portal gun with me. YOU PUT A PORTAL ON MY FACE?! Genius. Incredible. I didn't think it would be a big deal. He has two! Okay, time for work. But i didn't even sl– Coffee. Ouh. … … — I don't think we should be doing this TIA We probably shouldn't. TAMERA We very much shouldn't. What are you guys doing. Nothing. SHh. Summoning the devil. It's not the devil. It might be. Hush. Is that a pentagram. Technically it's a star, with a circle around it. That's a pentagram. It's not a pentagram! Is that a ouiji board? NO. Yes. Let me see. Ugh! I wanna help. MEANWHILE. MORGAN FREEMAN enters an empty train car: Oh God, This. Yes it is! What!? Are you dead! Entirely empty, that is–besides SUPACREE. No, you are! Great, so you're dead! I'm–not dead. Is Bob Saget with you? I'm not DEAD. What about Fraiser? What? Kelsey Grammer! God rest his soul. SEE! I'm not dead– [beat, an eerie shadowy silence in the dimly lit traincar] I'm a Legend. What. I wrote that/ You wrote that. What. Ugh. Look. Morgan Freeman. [Morgan Freeman] I–am–like a paranoid schizophrenic, or something– So, who isn't?! It might be catatonic, I don't know–I got this whole dead-hand–thing–going on. What is that? I don't know. It might just be too much deadmau5. I don't understand. No, Morgan Freeman. I don't understand. Anything about this life. Or this world. The fourth dimension. I definitely don't know anything about that. You're in it. Whatever. Look. [Morgan Freeman] God, you have so many freckles. [Morgan Freeman] Look. I got problems. We all do! Nah, not like–Hollywood problems, I'm like, a real psycho and shit. Sounds like Hollywood. Everything sounds like Hollywood–because nothing is real anymore–everything is for the gram, the points don't matter–nothing actyally matters. At all. Oh? Oh. The train comes to a sudden halt, the lights dim theatrically. Not even this? [pause] He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golden pinata; You know who gave it to me? …Who? Got ya. He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golde pinata ; Fuck dude, i'm too tired to write this. But you kind of have to. I mean i don't have to. YOU HAVE TO. I–WHAT? YOU HAVE TO DO IT. WHY. BECAUSE OTHERWISE I DON'T EVEN EXIST; Then don't exist… I'M JUST A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN YOUR SHOW. Come on Drew, knock it off. Wait, is this Drew Carey, or Barrymore. Either or. That's why I didn't write the characters name. Well, which is it? It literally doesn't matter. Yes it does. Honestly?! It could be both! We just shoot it with both and keep whichever one we like better! But how do we know which is actually “better?” Just do it and mix it–cut it up together or something–I don't know! Cut takes! Cut Takes! Ooh, did someone say CUPCAKES. Don't mind if i DO. Well, I do! Why?! What's wrong?! Yeah! What's the big deal! I'm on a gluten free-thing Oh yeah? Keto. Or someshit. I don't know. Oh. Oh. So you don't want these No, I don't. And you wouldn't mind if I– Come on, man. So Good. Grow up. Hey man, i'm pushin 40. Well, I pushed 40–and it pushed back. Get your cupcakes out of my face. You're no fun. Hey! Aren't you that one guy from rick and morty. Formerly. Oh yeah! That's right! You were Rick AND Morty. Hence the name. Wow. Phewf. I heard about that. Yeah, me too. Sounds real bad, how that turned out. Such a shame. Speaking of shame– You're speaking, I'm snacking. That's not that clever. We'll work on it The point is, he's eating the cupcakes. That's not–wait a minute–hold on. What now? How are we ever gonna get these three guys in a room together. [Meanwhile, in another dimension–these three are tied up (read: bound and gagged) in a room together. –Let alone to agree to this!? SUPACREE removes the gag from the man's [JOSH PECK'S] mouth. I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS. That's what she said! Hey! That's not fair! I was never caught up in a scandal! The key word, I believe, is “never caught” That's two words! SHUTTHEFUCKUP. How many words is that? I WANT MY LAWYER!!!! For what? This isn't court. Wouldn't you want the police first? WELL THEN, I WANT THE POLICE. The Police are here. Wait, they are? Oh, thank God Not so fast. THE POLICE enter with full entourage. Introducing: The Police–playing their number one greatest smash hit! Groupies: Woooo! STING I hope you ladies bought the meet-and-greet package, if you know what I mean. *winks awkwardly* You know what I mean. Oh my God. Since you dudes love doing creepy dude shit, I brought some more notoriously creepy dudes to sing the literally creepiest song ever written about being a creepy dude. That's not fair. But it's funny. THE POLICE Begin to play ‘I'll be Watching You” –and they're gonna play it on loop until I get back with your other-dimensional selves so we can fix all this. “WE” “FIX ALL THIS” WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Nobody seems to know. “--I'll be watching you–” I was FRAMED. CUT TO a golden pocket watch, a wrist watch, a compass–it changes and morphs so quickly that it begins to seem to spin time itself into a whirlwind, until finally a portal opens up from within his hand–a portal which quickly devours him entirely, morphing him into Fuck, what the fuck happened after that Idk I got off the train I guess This is really terribly written INT. SAM ASH MANHATTAN. DAY. A tiny conga for 90 dollars I could die in here Maybe I am just like you I find my way to the prettiest thing in the room And have my way with it Just for a few minutes Consume it, then move on Saw Madison dancing badly on Madison Avenue It's okay, You're a white girl So everybody loves you Everybody loves you Everybody loves you, no matter what you do. As for me, I can't say when I'm going through But you couldn't do it, Madison That's as bad as being at a standst
![[ENTER THE MULTIVERSE]](https://ivyfm.s3.amazonaws.com/i320/1184481.jpg)
Enter The Multiverse x Legends x LOSC x Acension x Deathwish x Secret President x Gerald's Workd x Tales of A Superstar DJ x The Suite Life of Sunnï Blū / The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū ... did I miss something? probably oh well. so far, on all these shows: [The Legend Returns] Really Bad Mixtape (Might as well get it out of the way now) Killst_rr (Instrumental) Sleep Deprivation Sequence You're not you when you're not you. Hoe_math Exactly what it sounds like. [UnderWorld.] R-R 1 -rarity. [i Come Undone.] AtPLAY Live Mix [Autopilot.] {A Star Is Born.} For fear of fire; Best not to wander off, With no back track– Might have forgotten the rest, but It wasn't a poem, or part of a song At least, not yet Fuck man. I really want to sample this. Can't sample deadmau5; he's a bitch about paperwork. You cant technically say that. I mean, I technically didnd't. Just let your fingers do the talking. Ooh, look at that one. What are you doing. Some online shopping. For what. A man-thing. You're better off letting your back end Handle the conversation Then again, When in search of a venue Anything with the proper connections And stereo systems Will do in the moment. What do you want? To get rid of my hiccups. That's it: *huccups* yu-p. Wow, that's– Have you ever thought about just– I've thought about just about everything–that's how you got here. I'm gonna go ahead and admit–there's too much going on in my head. It's a lot. I'm gonna need a nap. GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME. *sheath/ swoard* Is that the sword of skrillex. Yeus. Give it to me. *stabs in thigh* Oooh. Not the balls! fair. Around the world we go Around we go again Here we are Oh no, It's the same song Over and over I'd like you to love to today (I'd love to forget for a moment I haven't) I know before long, we get older and older All wrong, It's the same one, Over and over. Have you seen my butt plugs? NO! GROSS. It's alright. I'll just pick some up on the way. AGGH. Better yet, can you just put in the order on amazon AmAZoN. Yes. (I'm so happy Amazon has anal plugs.) Please stop now. You're being a baby about this–just- You know what. Nevermind. I'll do it myself. Please do that. Siri– Oh my God. Alexa–reorder from Amazon. Come on focus. …hmm…now what was I doing? A B L E T O N *spinning rainbow wheel of doom* …seems like it was something. Come on….FOCUS. Hm. When's the last time you had a marshmello. Flashback: [BONFIRE: Burning The Skrillex] *Also making smores* CUT BACK TO: Like never, I'm vegan. PASQUALE WAKE. UP. Holy shit. It's you again. It's always me. Last time you were like 26. Well, now i'm this age. Wait, how old are you. Wouldn't you like to know. There's a lot of things i'd like to know about you, Pasquale, that's not even near the top of the list. Speaking of “top of the list”-- I do have a lot of things to do today. Oh yeah, what's that? I don't know. A bunch of crap. Speaking of crap– This is a lot of speaking. Happy Birthday. What is this. It's Captain Crunch. Yes it is. What is it doing in my lap. That's your lunch. I–no, it isn't. It is. No, i'm vegan. Well, that's the “happy” part in “happy birthday” No… Yes, actually. This is – It is– Vegan. Damn. Jinx. You owe me a Pererier. Shut up. Or a LaCroix. I'll taka a LaCroix. You're so LA. I guess that makes you Beverly Hills– Or Pacific Palisades. Is that Annexed. It is “LA” What else is in this? No animal product… “Yellow 6” It reads! What happened to yellow 1-5? A whole story. Yes, but not a whole food. “Yellow 6?!” That's the chemical complex you need to find yourself in the right dimension. Exactly. What's wrong with this dimension? What isn't? I'm in it! You're in it! Like I said. What– Just eat it. Ugh– happy trails. *disappears* Ugh. I gave that dude too much money. Fuck, what was I doing again. Deadmau5. Uhm, no i was– Deadmau5. Deadmau5. OOOOOH> YES. I KNOW IT'S YOU, YOU SLIMY MOTHERFUCKER. Stop it. YOU STOP IT. I KNOW IT'S YOU. Who is it? STOP IT. Stop–doing that. I know you're deadmau5. I most certainly am not. I know its you. I have boobs. How did you do this. I did–n't. That's right. Fuck, what happened. Nothin. Now I gotta kill my stupid brother. You have a brother?! SKRILLEX. GET IN HERE. Fuck, run. I gotta go. Go where. Uhm. Somewhere else. DILLON, THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE. IT WAS NEVER FUNNY. (It was funny to me.) God does have a sense of humor. AHAH–AHAHA–HAHAHA. As it turns out, not the absolute best sense of humor. Oh—he's okay! He's okay! No, he's dead. He's definitely dead. But a sense of humor, nonetheless. Fuck man. What did you do to Dillon Francis. Nothing. I just got him drunk On what?! Cyanide? Okay, I don't even know what that is. He's a corpse. –but a pretty one. C'mon. Be serious. I can't. Why not. It's hilarious, kinda. This isn't funny. No, it's hilarious. He earned it. He “earned” it? Well, yes– He is dead. I mean, it's a long story; but he brought it upon himself, honestly. “Honestly” Please. PLease. Please. No, I said. PLEASE. I SAID NO. What's this story. That's ten. I win. Fuck. DILLOn WAkE UP. *smacks* ahah. I think it's working I think he's waking up. He's not waking up. He must be. He's laughing. He's not laughing He said “haha' *smacks* haha . See. *smacks* Mm. This shit smacks HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKSSSS. Oh shit, is this the 90s. HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKSSS. *slams* GIMMIE MY HONEY SMACKS. That's it. There's no more. AW, COME ON. Sorry, that's all there is. WHAT. But yu can have captain crunch. I DON'T WANT CAPTAIN CRUNCH. I WANT HONEY SMACKS. I'm sorry, there are no more Honey Smacks. You can have Captain Crunch, or Shredded Wheat. GRAMPA Shredded Wheat is MY favorite. Ugh. Mm. Honey Smacks. I HATE YOU. Be nice to your brother. Lol. Everything about Dillon's eyes makes him devastating. Who plays tiny Dillon? I don't know. There are like nine in the script. It shouldn't be hard to cast. We'll go to utah. Fucking. I hate Utah. WELCOME TO UTAH. Nice. Alright, well, what other grounds are there to cover, here? DILLOn FRANCIS I am not doing this project. Of course you are–it's in your contract. What contract. The one you signed. Which–no–I didn't. But you did. SUNNI BLU I got you a drink. DILLON FRANCIS That looks fruity. SUNNI BLU Try it. DILLON FRANCIS *sips* DILLON FRANCIS CONT'D What's in this. Just– drink it. SUNNI BLU Don't look at me like that. DILLOn FRANCIS Like what. SUNNI BLU Do you need a mirror? DILLON FRANCIS I– SUNNI BLU Look down. DILLON FRANCIS *does* SUNNI BLU *flicking nose* Made you look. haha . DILLOn FRANCIS Wow. [takes drink] SUNNI BLUThat's the spirit. But literally there's a mirror between your feet, if you need one. [there literally is] SUNNI BLU CONT'D The floor is made of mirrors DILLOn FRANCIS *suddenly inebriated* Oh wow. SUNNI BLU The whole club turns into a disco ball. DILLON FRANCIS *suddenly very inebriated* That's–convenient. SUNNI BLU It is. SHIA DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS. If my dreams were not just dreams, everyone in here would have a lawsuit against me. A lot of us do. Carry on, then. SKRILLEX BLAIGH. Oh shit, its you again. I swear to God, I thought I killed this nigga. Are you sure it was him? SKRILLEX !!!! No. Alright, i've almost got it. Almost got what. This whole– thing. Oh. –and–it's gone. Really, that quick. I don't think you understand what's happening. You're right, i don't understand what's happening at all. Oh shit. I'm deadmau5. Nice. Fuck it, lets do some trolling. Alright alright. BUT FIRST, COFFEE. Fuck dude, I don't think I should have anymore coffee. Too late. deadmau5. ok . Deadmau5. Nice. D–0 DOn'T D o THis, I'M WARNING YOU. …. If you open that portal, there's no going back. *opens portal* Now you've done it. *goes into portal* Fuck. *portal closes neatly* *facepalm* *entire series of cosmos collapse in the great distance–time begins to stretch and bend uncontrollably* Come on, just let me lick the balls. NO. I'll give you a cookie. well … OH my GAWD. What. Come here, you have to see this. What the fuck is that. I don't know. Should i pick it up? No, don't touch it! He picked it up. Oh, gross. What is this. I don't know. I think it's fanfiction. Who wrote it. Idk. somefangirl. Fangurl. FaNGiRls. Well, Hey, at least i'm not a groupie. OH COME ON, JUST LET ME SUCK IT. GET AWAY FROM ME. PLEASE. i'LL GIVE YOU $40. -well. NOW, A COMMERCIAL BREAK. Since when does this show have commercials. It doesn't. I want to talk to Jimmy Fallon. That's–not happening. Why not. JIMMY FALLON BECAUSE I HAVE A CONTRACT WITH NBC. There he is– Nice. JIMMY FALLON YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I AM A FAMILY MAN, OKAY. Is that like Family Guy? By Chance?! SETH MCFARLENE (with super long hair) *crossing fingers* I'm hoping so. JIMMY FALLON Not even close! SETH MCFARLENE *snaps* Dammit. Oh, I get it. It's like–The Cofffee run Which “coffee run” THE coffee run. We'll have to admit, it's probably the most watched coffee run of all time. Of all of them. You know what? Fuck it, fire me. I'm doing this show. What?! JImmy. Why on EARTH would you ever agree to something like this. JIMMY FALLON THE COSMIC AVENGER Because–it's my duty. Yo. You know that song that everybody knows? You know the song because everybody knows this song. It goes: Lovin you– is easy cause youre beautiful. do - do- do - do- do- do- do… Yeah. You know that song. But you probably don't know who sings it. I'll tell you who sings it. That song is by an artist called Minnie Ripperton. That's a mouthful. Yeah, one hell of a name, huh. Well, that's the lady who sings the song. It's Minnie Riperton. Now, let me tell you something else you probably don't know: Something I probably wouldn't know if I wasn't a DJ But i know this, because I'm a DJ AND MAYA RUDOLPH WAUT A MINUTE. What the fuck, Maya Rudoph, are you doing in my bathroom at 5 AM It's 1:15 in the afternoon. I'm a DJ. It's 5 AM. That's making sense. I know it is. What's not making sense. Is why you're in my bathroom drinking a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. So it is. *slurps milkshake* *sitting on toilet* *slurps* What do you want. You want to know what I want? Apparently, a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. OK. OK. OK so what. Finish the script. –What? Fuck dude, how does this song sound good every time? Congratulations, you've gone entirely insane. beep-boop . [DJ] B00p beep. [Music Producer] Beep-beep. 0.c. Do not fall dangerously in love; Do not pass go Do not collect $200 Or any of it For any reason, For any of it For any of them Just keep it pushin; Just keep it private Just hold it all in and Do not let go Do not fall in love Do not pass go Do not unload Do not walk Do not cross here Do not It smells like butter. But you're vegan. I know. Do you think you're having a stroke. God, I fucking hope so. GOD You WHAT. I want to die. GOD I thought i heart you right. You heard me right–a THOUSAND times. I want to die. Take me out of this life. GOD Not until you make dubstep. WHAT. GOD You gotta make a grammy-winning dubstep album. I what. GOD Or at least nominated. No, I don't. GOD Beg your pardon. I'm not begging. GOD What are you getting at, hon? Look; Am I not one with the source? GOD Uhm–you are. Alright, Then: everything is everything. GOD Yes. And everyone is everyone. GOD This is true. So i'm Skrillex. GOD Skrillex is Skrillex So I Am. GOD … And I already won a grammy. GOD … Like a bunch of them, right. GOD Uh. So technically– GOD YOu know what. I can't argue with that logic. This isn't ableton. No. This is Logic. What the fuck. That's not Serato. No, that's Rekordbox. What the fuck is this. These are CDJs. There's no hot cues! What the fuck is a “HOT CUE” This is not food. What the fucking sauce. I'm warning you, Pasquale. Get off my lawn. THIS IS MY HOUSE. Your house it is not. *House music starts blasting* *lasers* sprinklers* dancers* WHAT THE FUCK. It's voice activated, I just– How did you do this?! What. WHAT DID YOu DO. AND WHEN. I don't know! I just took the delorean, like you said. You were supposed to find Dillon Francis. I did! The problem was, when I found the right one, he was dead! What? He's dead? Presumably! What do you mean by that!? It's a long story! WELL, HOW LONG? SUNNI BLU About as long as my dick! WHO IS THAT. I told you it's a long story. Well, let me in! Sorry Pasquale. No Can do. What. Why not. Cause you're on a federal watch list. What. Yeah. Sorry. Wait… You should probably leave before the feds get here. What? Unless you want to stay and party on the lawn but–not recommended. This is bizarre. The police arrive, surrounding Pasquale on the yard–moving in to arrest him. WAIT. SUPACREE turns away from the window; inside, a room full of her aliases sit looking somewhat miserably; SUPACREE!!! [Pasquale is handcuffed and i dragged off of the lawn] SUPACREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Careless, Acoustic–deadmau5 SUPACREE pours a bowl of captain crunch, taking one colossal bite and sits down in THE CONTROL ROOM at a large computer console; inhaling from a can of nitrous oxide. I'm the worst DJ ever. SUPACREE places the fames deadmau5 helmet atop her head and begins working at the computer promptly, clicking away; Now is deadmau5 I don't even know what key this song is in. MEOWINGTONS, Alive and well purrs and stretches, then settles atop SUPACREE/deadmau5's lap. This is insane. I don't know what's happening. END CREDITS. V. O. Lovin' You, Minnie Ripperton Carless, deadmau5 idk how i'm gonna mix that. Trust me. Anything can be mixed. Anything. [When it] Turns out, The bottom of your heart Was the tip of the Ice Berg And the whole ship has [s]unk[en], [&] I[t]'s probably ice cold At the bottom of the ocean; I'll tell you where i'm from Why, I'll tell you anything for About one dollar Turns out, I've already got one eye on you; One eye'd sad heart I should probably roll out my art on you [I probably should not] One man bought a kiss, Another, a whole night from her– One man bought a whole farm The other, a Whole Foods Market –and you can't even franchise those Amazon's got a monopoly We were playing for corners of earth, All i got was some kandi, Subscriptions to candidly, Actually, I really liked the tree trial (I think i'll wait a week, sorry) When it turns out The world that you wanted Was actually hours already The dollar you got Was also borrowed And the money they wanted and got Was just actually stolen from someone else They bought all the food up And sold it for profits I promise this avocado Once costs nothing at all But you wanted that car for your daughter She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it My mom, on my honor Of all the garages in Lost Lands, I promise the owner of it was The first to go last, And the last to come home Now he's on his own alter And also the worshiper; How do you go back? Oh, you don't Oh you don't Oh, you don't wanna know that But i was of course, All of your rock bottoms It's bottoms and tops, and We don't let the top fall over, We're counting up crumbs And this muffin costs $24 dollars Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks For the dead homies Not dead in the general sense But just in the head, the heart, And the soul The homeless are happier at McDonalds Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere I'll avoid the power struggle at operations for about 18 dollars and 56 sense (Please, keep the pennies) I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's Something indecent, or decadent Whichever it is Cause i'm better of with the memory of it Than actually dragging it in. –I'm a cat again. Ouch. Shut up. It HURTS. Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics. YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid. Yes, but lucily for you– –or, for him– Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid. –Ouch– –Shut up. That we know of. George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* Lookie here boys: What is it? –I'm leaving. Oh, you're gonna wanna hear this. What. I found the first “whites only” water fountain since 1962. Okay, what do you want? A deal. Oh, I'll give you a deal. Cash up front. [He presents a one dollar bill] Is this enough. [beat] Where are you going with this? Nowhere, fast. YO. What now, dude. SHE'S ONTO US. I doubt that. Look at this. I highly doubt– *gaaassp* Shenanigans! You know what I like about you, Ariana? Everything. Hah. Hm. You know how to keep a secret. I don't know what you're talking about. Exactly. *rolls eyes, flips hair.* Well, here's another one for you. –Another what? This is how my darkness becomes your darkness. I already have enough on my own. I know. You don't know. Only God knows. MOM! Don't ask me again. This is heavy, Doc. What is it? The soup! It's too heavy. Too much cream? Way too much! I have a meeting! Meeting with who? The Hollywood People. When? Soon–what time is it? I don't know. Dammit! Why don't you have any clocks in your house? I only just recently remembered what a clock was. Oh! Here. [God produces a small pocket watch and presents it to him; it's nearly noon on EARTH; But the two are sharing a meal of course in the famed kitchen of the Creator in the TImeless VOID.] Ah, Jesus Christ! He's not here… I'm gonna be late. Now, now; You know I wouldn't let that happen– [a smug look| Hugs and Kisses. [As they embrace, he disappears into a mist of light and stardust, fading away from the void and into the exterior world; he realizes God has slipped him the watch; he flips it open to reveal the time: it is now 11:44] Amazing. V.O. Now you won't wait so long to visit. [He places the wach in his pocket and walks into the studio] MICHAEL J. FOX has been asked to reprise his role as MARTY MCFLY many times before; But never for a project like this. ____ Meanwhile, What am I going to do with you? [The Festival Project.™] YOU'RE DEAD TO ME! –I'm dead to everyone! Don't do this. You wanted to come to the other side. No, I didn't. We'll you're here anyway; Might as well stay awhile. With eyes like burning fire And saddles for the riders The horse begins to gallop (or the horses, rather) On the mark to beating drums To move them forward faster What the fuck is this. idk. Kx5. *-* !_! Here u go Wat is this. it's a dragon. Oh, thats nice. Ya. Whats it do. Idk. dragon things. ok. Don't put it in ur bathroom. Why. idrk. Hm. † Hey. Ugh–No, Kaskade, go away. It's me, Ryan! No, Get out! I'm No† Ka–k (gags) –skade! Gross! It's just Ryan! I promise! NO. GET OUT. Lmfao. Right. This show is fantastic. Who was that. Fucking–Kaskade again! Are you sure. Ugh. Looks like Ryan. Kaskade is Kaskade. {shrugs] Dudes a creep. “Kaskade Ruins Lives” Is this the same episode as before? Eventually, yes. Wasn't I doing something Are you goona let this go? Um. Well I'm fucked. Why, what happened. Obsidian. That should do Unsobsidian. Okay, i'm fucked, Well, what's this? An Oreo Cookie. I mean, sitting next to it. Oh, its a portal gun. Raves are not just raves– A party is not simply a “party” –These big festivals –they're diversions. –DIstractions. Distractions from what. If you were supposed to know, –you'd know. it wouldn't be so important that you go. Why is it? These ancient rituals… It's occult magic. They've got it down to a science. The government funds this. The government funds everything. WoooooooW. It's not really a secret, if you can google it. ‘-complications.' I'm lost somewhere, gone HIppopatamus feeling quite off in the galaxies, galavanting Gazing at Daisies Aces and spades Gone from Heaven to Hades for days On the A– Adjacent Recently dismantling adjectives, Lampshades and matching curtains God it hurts, every day that I think about you; But how can i be about you when You don't even see me, do you Signature consignments, Wrong environments and irony is, I wasn't invited– –but invented it WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Great, now I have to explain myself. You don't have to. What's this space for? Oh, that's the red room. [The Red Room] Well, obviously, but– But what? What's it for? I don't think anybody should read this. HEY. Participation Only– Oh! No peeking! You ever feel like you're doing too much? Yeah, but not for money. Look, we have them surrounded. Our best course of action is to– deadmau5 . What? No– DEADMAU5. Well, are you sure it was a mouse and not a rat? It was a mouse. I know the difference. Do you, though? Look, I've lived in Mexico and New York City. So. In Queens. Oh. That's mathematically impossible. I mean it's not–impossible. No, it's not just impossible. It's mathematically impossible. Has it ever occurred to you that the DJ World in entirety exists outside of the realm of math and science? What is this. Just–enjoy the rave. No. What is this. Look at the firewoooorkkks! Woo EDC… NO. What is this right here. BEFORE: Hey, you still got that balloon? Yeah. Lemme see it. Dude, what are you doing? …I'mma go catch me a DJ. THIS IS NUTS. I can't feel my face. What do you call this? Collateral Damage. Look, I'm going to have to take frequent trips to the bathroom. ok . And–uhh– and. Uhh– Why did you call me over here. Cause i can. Look. this is not magic. This is not science. This is not “voodoo” Voodoo is magic. It's just music. W H E R E D I D H E G O O O O O I don't know. Fuck dude, I fucked up. Once again– Of course you did. What did you do this time? I might have evaporated someone with my fat fucking bass. Nice. Way to go. Yeah. Wait. … Did you just say. HE JUST He deserted me. SO WAIT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HERE? ALRIGHT, WHO THREW A ROCKSTAR IN MY TENT? JEFF Alright, lets go. WHO DID THIS. So what's this place. Lets not let this conversation resurface. This is a 21 Plus Event. What about VIP VIP is 25 Plus. What about that place. Sorry kids. [NO ENTRY] We gotta get in there. So then they wanted an Encore. Did you give them an encore? NO, i was already at my hotel room. Then how did you know that they wanted an encore? WHICH IS IT, THE WYNN, OR THE ENCORE. FUCK, I DON'T REMEMBER. Please, who stays at the Encore for EDC? Have you literally never been out with rich people? No, I literally just got rich. Oh, nice. So, wait, like– Here we go. Dillon Francis has just always been rich? Uh-huh. And Skrillex has always been rich? Yes. Definitely. And deadmau5. deadmau5 is Canadian. OH MY GOD. W E L C O M E I'm going to need your absolute discretion about this. Alright. Sign this waiver. …this is a…pretty heavy packet. I'll wait. I've never signed an NDA like that in my life. Lil' biiiiiiiiiiiiiitzzzz Can we just admit it's weird that we live in an era where “NDA” is household jargon. And like, everyone knows what it means. Everyone knows what an NDA is. I appreciate the sentiments Isn't it weird how it sets in automatically? Autopilot, go. Aww, i don't want to be Autopilot. You're on autopilot. I don't really have to think about it anymore, I'll have to sleep on it Wear a white t-shift, Hear the applause of the audience, Eat it You wanna know what I think? You want to know what I'm drinking? You know what I need? An Icee, (cause I see you typing) An awful Omnipotence A God of Mirages No more carbohydrates, I gotta get all thin; Forgot to acknowledge Whether or not i'm turning this off soon I are. I…”are” I are. Infinite Reality. OH. I. R. IR! IR! IRV I ARE. Suddenly, I remember the taste of talcum powder As If I were Moving backwards In time, Like, Why, God on earth would My mom let me try that, But if i'm honest, Fuck man, I hate deadmau5– There's just too much in here. Beep boop. I love deadmau5. It's so simple. What is this, MATH?! THIS IS AERODYNAMICS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE AERO DYNAMICS DId you mean what you said about that? I meant everything I said. Goddammit, fuck this, I was in the middle of a really complex poem In realtime, listening to deadmau5 Having a partially out of body spiritual experience, Entirely fucking sober FACEPALM BLŪ 8facepalming dramatically in frustration* NOBODY IS EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN ANY OF THIS. beepboop. YO. Oh, I forgot my open form poetry, or my mom How my mom once allowed me to gnaw on talcum powder But who can blame her That was a hard one It was a past life And now ive Got Another One HOly shit what version of the cube is this. 1D. What. You'll get it. Wait. Have you ever stopped for a minute to think– I can't stop for a minute, especially just to “think” [Literally stops for a minute to think.] No fucking way, uh-uh. Come on, man. No. I ain't time travelin' wit deadmau5. Come on– NO. –that someone else has already figured all of this out and that's how any of it is possible in the first place. Alright, i'm gonna need some mind-altering drugs for this. What are you doing. Voluntary Ego Death. I– Wait. Why would you. Get out of my brain. I am your brain. Take care, now. Holy shit, it seems like she's getting more evil. That's because she's definitely more evil ALRIGHT, I'M TIRED OF THIS: WHERE IN THE FUCK IS SKRILLEX. MEANWHILE INT. IN THE FUCK. DAY. *rings doorbell* AT YOUR MOM'S HOUSE. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME. I'm not joking, that's…literally the answer to your question. Oh. Fuck. What dude. We gotta go back. I left the keys in the pocket of the guy I shapeshifted into. Are you serious? It's fine, he can't have gone too far, dude. What do you mean he “left the dimension” He entered a portal. He– wait, excuse me. A portal. A “portal”, dude? Yeah; a portal. What do you mean “a portal” A portal, like— you know, like a portal gun, but not a portal gun, just a portal. Uh huh. Excuse us for a second. What the fuck is this dude talking about? I don't know, man. Humans don't use portals! I know man. What the fuck! Well, wait—how do we know that guy is human. He looks human. Yeah dude but, we look human. Duh! Cause we shifted! Yeah, but, how do we know he's not a shifter. Because, dude, I know a shifter when I see one. Yeah, but—you know, what if he's really good. I highly doubt that. Why? Cause I'm the best. No, I am. Exactly, so we'd know if it was another shifter–cause we're the best shifters! Well, let's at least try to see if he knows anything else about those guys. They were together right? I hope not. No, not like that—like Okay, okay, whatever, let's just… Wait, where'd he go? Excuse me. What up. There was just another guy over here just now— He was like—you know—normal looking guy Tie die* shirt Yeah. Did you see him. Yeah, I saw him. Alright, cool, where'd he go? He left. What?! That was fast! Yeah, well…it happens. Are you sure? Yes. *actually is shifter* [as they walk away, the shifter shifts, and then vanishes into a random portal.] Awww, dammit, Now we're never gonna find this guy. Never say never. Whatever, we're dead. We're always dead. Yeah, but like in modern human slang terms Oh, yeah, that. Anyways, I gotta relieve this human's bladder. I fucking hate this species for this. It is useless. *enters portal potty* [ Wait, whatever actually did happen to Dillon Francis? That's great, I was just getting to that. 19 Pages. Nice. …no, 12. What. [11:12] Okay, I'm gonna kill him. Oh, I banished him. With my fists. Nice. Tits. Nice tits. Thx. Hey man. Hey what. Remember that smudge on the lens. Yeah. It just got bigger. … did you try vinegar instead of Windex. Yes. –IT'S NOT A SMUDGE. Did you try Windex with Vinegar. –IT'S NOT A– Shut up. I'm. So. Hungry. Look, do you want this, or not? Do you feel like any of this is a coincidence? Just quit, it. Dillon Francis. WHERE IS IT? I don't know. Lets kick this up a notch. ILLUMINATI What do you want? … I want the full package. ILLUMINATI Okay, I'm gonna need specifics. How do you even get a job as a courier for the illuminati? [INDEED.COM | ILLUMINATI - COURIER- URGENTLY HIRING] Hm. It was a pretty specific list. I don't even get the point of a barbeque if everyone is vegan Well, The Mayor eats fish. Oh please, where is THAT guy the Mayor of? I don't know. We meet in the Matrix. This is for you. Oh. Do you like it? I– It's not a brothel! It's Member's Only! YOu BUY a Membership. Yeah. And WOMEN. HEy, MAN, YOU CAN BUY DUDES, TOO. SHHH. Oh no. What. What did you do? I gave her my credit card. The Heavy One? Yes, and– “AND” –access to the black market. Cool, I got it. Oh, another auction. Of course another auction. What'd you buy this time? A lifesize deadmau5 bobblehead. What are you gonna do with that? Wouldn't you like to know. Ok, gross. LIL BIIIIIIIITXXXX I love a good deamau5 show. He really does have the best fans, It's a comfortable, safe space. Very inviting. Everyone is happy. What the fuck, dude, this place is a sausage fest. Yeah, that's deadmau5 for ya. Hey, I'm looking for this shithead. Oh, that dude? Yeah, have you seen him? Fuck, I wish this never happened. LIL BIIIIITz If you don't know who deadmau6* is– GET OUT. Jk. but seriously this is easily the most devastating person i've ever seen. Maybe just to me, but. Are you sure that's the right guy? Yeah, that's gotta be him. Is he wearing glasses? Ugh. Oh wait. Damn. ‘Fuck, it is my sapiosexuality, I think' Even if it was perhaps an error, as I might have more than needed a new pair of glasses myself, just the thought of Joel in a pair of specables was suddenly and immediately the equivalent of Dillon Francis sitting down at a piano, or Sonny doing just about literally anything–and I realized, finally, that the most indecent things about myself were quite possibly only happening inside my own mind– Okay, my body does really weird things to this dude's music. Are you sure this is real? No. I love this. Just shut up and do your job. What a nightmare. PLease HElP ME. Hm. That can't be right. What. This translates to H E L P M E Oh, shit, I gotta go. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm always working. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm at work. Well, that was nice and all, but–I gotta get out of here. Where are you going? To shoot myself. Wow, that's one hell of a smile. Just–take it. I'm sorry, i can't accept this. What is even happening in this series? Like, a lot WOULD YOU KIDS SETTLE DOWN. *not settling down* *lil biiiiiiiitz* You know what I wonder? I wonder this I'm sober. I'm just sober sally over here. I didn't get sober. I just am. Cause i'd rather face the pain of this harsh reality with a bite than to dull it out and then wake up in the morning Or–just–whenever– To wake up whenever and be like “OH NO, THIS IS WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE” And the shock of it is so horrible that I just have to repeat that cycle again. ‘OH NOOOOOO” *gets faded* “It's all goooooood” No, it isn't. But i choose to stay like that cause it's like a It's not even a happy medium, It's more like a median-medium But you know what? It makes happier moments more happy And shitter moments less shitty Because i don't have this like drastic spacial Augmented reality or like smoke screen of emotional apathy. I get to feel things way more intensely. I don't have to wonder, ever “oh , did that just happen, cause I was messed up” Or like “would it have happened this way if I was sober” At all. I'm just level– No false sense of Pretty much anything. But i do wonder, though– Like, for people who weren't always sober, and then GOT sober– like , what's the breaking point What's the tip? I always have to sit back and wonder “What did you DO?” Cause you know it had to be something if suddenly “I don't drink anymore” I always wonder, and it's like– no disrespect or anything thing but… I really wanna hear that story. lol . I know you don't wanna tell it (if you can) But wanna hear it. Cause from my point of view. IT's probably hilarious. I know. I'm a dick. Holy shit. What is that. Looks like pasquale went all out with the fireworks this year. …is that a penis? WELCOME HOME It's a giant dick- in-the-sky! GOD IS REAL! JESUS Look, so i've been having second thoughts about this whole thing. What the fuck man. You gotta stop doing shit like this. JESUS I literally can't. I know, but. Okay, look. I'm not writing any of that. You've gotta tell him. NO, RYAN. WELL, WHY NOT. BECAUSE, RYAN. WHY. DEADMAU5 ISN'T REAL. Damn, am I in here. Nice. Of course I am. Well, how'd that happen. This is like a sea of cellphones. Perfect. It was a red car; I wasn't all there, And if you want her, You can have her Fuck. What. I forgot the rest of the verse. It's ok. We gotta move on. No, I gotta go back. For what. For my fans. Aw. What's this. IT's a ceramic mug. Wow, that's nice. I made it Wait. You made that?! Yeah. With your hands?! Yeah. Why would you do that? For you. What. I made it for you? Like, you thought of me first, then you made it? Yeah. WHY? Cause i love you! WOW. Fans are awesome OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *Sometimes. *vomits* … *dies* … *godlessness* [Devastating DJ Moments] I don't get it dawg, all this shit is in your music particles?! “Music particles” UGH. what . That's it. Don't be smart around me. Uh. I'm not smart? No, that won't work; sarcasm is a sign of deeper intelligence. “Sorry” Stop saying that. This is America. S– Don't say it again. Apology not accepted. Don't look at me like that. Like what. With your face. *face* Quick: Say something stupid and random. …I like anime. Oh good, that worked. Thanks. Where are you going? Idk somewhere else. Really, that's it? Yeah. That's all you have to say/ That's literally it. Are you seeing this. Yes. So what's the problem. Oh no, she's stuck in a loop. Throw the whole fan away. [DELETE] Did it work. Did what work. Oh, good. Cool. Wait. See ya later. Did what work? I wish i could just forget about this. Everything? Yeah. Look, this is between me and God–okay? GOD Don't drag me into this. You dragged ME into this! GOD Right. So i could get OUT; So don't drag me back in. Fuck, I remember this. I must have done something important here. Like what. Look, I love you. Great, now what do we do? Bury the body, I guess. *shrugs* Wait, what happened? Somebody dies. OKay, me first. Other Three: Who wants to go next. *still in shock* Fuck man, told you this was a long ass story. *Crying* I'm ruined. What! You went broke? No, i'm still a filthy rich millionaire. I thought you were a billionaire. I am I just *snifs* sometimes I forget that happened. “Sometimes I forget I'm a billionaire” I got to admit, man, I did it to myself. I'm not mad, or anything, but now there's just–certain things I can't do Oh, like what. Not that song. What, why not? You said “anything but Skrillex” this is not Skrillex, this is deadmau5. What's the difference? Okay, that's like saying “What's the difference between deadmau5' and my music?” No, it isn't. How is that not different? That's like comparing the music of Bach and Beethoven to the music of a tattooed hedgehog. You think I look like a hedgehog. No, it's just when I see you and a hedgehog I have all the same thoughts, turn this off. NO, i like this song. Seriously, Dillon Francis, turn it off. I'm gonna turn it up instead. I do not highly recommend doing that. Or at all. This ship has amazing subs. Should I bass boost this song. NO, PROBABLY NOT. Oh, why not? Dillon Francis, I'm warning you, stop. OH HOW COME BECAUSE WHY? BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A HEDEHOG NO, BECAUSE I ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP AT THIS *DROP* [INSTANTLY FALLS ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL–ACTIVATES HYPERSPACE– PLUMMETS SHIP INTO BLACK – HOLE. ohhhhh . What a hoe. Nice, that's a whole episode. Well, here's a bonus scene or whatever. Shazam, what is this. SHAZAM …i don't know. What do you mean you don't know. SHAZAM *panicing* IDONNO WHAT DO YOU MEAN– SHAZAM IDON. NO. OOOOOOOOOOOO Is this deadmau5. I'm not sure. Sounds like deadmau5. It sure does. This is pretty Ooh. it sparkles. yeah , it's deadmau5. How does she KNOW. I need a deadmau5 machine like right now. I know where to find that. Fuck dude, everything's gonna be half-ass until I push out this album. You can't rush it. Trust the process. I can't focus. Oh shit, wasn't this in the last episode? Yeah. I'm still writing backwards. God, what is that, like a pipe organ. WHAT SYNTH IS THIS. Doesn't matter, I just need one. That's it. I know what I'm going to spend my Jimmy Fallons On. And What's that? V.O. OOh. Are we Montaging–to deadmau5? [MONTAGE: deadmau5] Nice. I love a good montage. I love deadmau45* AHH OH NO. I love deadmau5. I keep making typos and I keep forgetting to delete that parallel where. fuckit. That's the synth I've always wanted. It's on sale for $999 At Sam Ash But…you only have Five JImmy Fallons. There are only five special edition in this Volume The Jimmy Fallon 555's I don't know how many volumes there are, but this is the Volume I started keeping track. Fuck, man. I miss Equinox. It's just Eucalyptus. They also have an outdoor running track where you get the best ever view of midtown manhattan. How do you know it's the best ever view of Midtown manhattan. Because it's on a running track. STOP WHISTLING IN MY WHOOP=WHOOPS. The JImmy Fallon 555s are marked with the standard Jimmy Fallon in black ink With a simple side marker of the number 555 in red And also in red, a telephone number on the back. But–that synthesizer is One Thousand Jimmy Fallons. Yeah. So I only need Nine Hundred Ninety Five More. And of course, the Eye of Providence is highlighted. Also Standard. V.O. I always highlight that. Cause, you know… “Illuminati” These are fake. No they're not! They're counterfeit, sorry. No they're not! They're authentic! Why the fuck does this matter so much? You know. What is it with this dude. If it was a snake, it would've bit ya. It was a snake. And it did bite me. He's so increasingly beautiful to me, And I'm still in love with his friend, or misrepresented masterpiece, Progression of a monster, or procession of a superstar, but Something in the story sparks the thought of All we are is consciousness, of course Awkward in body, but of constellations Cosmos, It's not just a corpse; It's all got love in it, Absurd, and sipping carbonated syrup, but I'm just sitting in my stirrups, Here comes galloping a horse, Of course, it hurts to turn it off For just a moment And remember That i'm just a homeless, Stuck and sitting up at night Writing recourse, hugging learning curves in ableton, Curving curses, been reminded that I'm worthless In a thousand words or less, Or just another form of torture, Nothing said, but all that's done Another day another dollar, But it's not It's Jimmy Fallon. I thought this was enter the multiverse. Are you ready to go. No. A hand on my shoulder So paifully socially awkward, I grow stretchmarks, don't know what to call them But scars, But the uglier ones, I've thought Are invisible, Somewhat– To the naked eye Or just anyone Not tiger stripes But one, an eye of horus Carved above my right And inside my lip, (The bottom one) A raised scar in the shape of a sythe I probably died by the hands of a man named Starr So it's hard to shrug it off, And 555 is just a number But it's not It's another scar, It's a punishment For loving him. What's on the back. It's…a number. What number? A telephone number. What. Like a 1-800 Number Call it. I love deadmau5. Something about a big, giant smiling robotic mouse that lights up and sparkles. Why? I don't know. I'm like 5. I see deadmau5 i'm like “WHEEEEEEE” My hands go up in the air “AHHHHHH! YAYYYYY” I'm so stupid. It's so stupid. But you know what? It makes me feel good. I'm not gonna lie. I love it. And by the time I even figured out what deadmau5 was I was so late to the party that I had to make up for lost time. I listened to deadmau5 doing EvErYThING. Everything you could possibly imagine. Well–Except one. Wait, how long have you been cellibate? Forever, probably. Fuck, what happened in here? I don't know. Everything's broken. My head My heart. Everything. Get up, Dillon Francis. Fuck, what happened. You sent us through a black hole. And we crashed on a random ass planet. Fuck, that sucks. YOu suck, Dillon Francis. Ugh. Now get up. Everything's fucked up. SUPERSTAR DJ I'm a paradox. I've got a box of skeletons in my closet i'm not ready to part with. I had a heart attack; I had a heart once, But lately it goes in my pocket; Or my right hand, When I wake up From a dream land, From a long hug From a nice man In a t-shirt KASKADE This is God's PLAN. RYAN, GET FUCKED. 800-799-7233 Did you call the number. Yeah. What is it. [National Domestic Violence Hotline] Woah. That was a long bonus scene. Well, Now here's a PSA. AND A PSA? YES. A PSA. You know what the fucked up thing about all this is, The Legend of Supacree is a true story. All of it. ALL OF IT?! ALL OF IT!? YES. Even the part about– YES. Especially that part. Woah. Damn. I think i'm gonna be sick. Shut up, Dillon Francis. No, but seriously– This is the story of how I got my heart broken so bad. YOU RUINED IT. So, so bad– I HATE YOU. That i started singing about it. NSA, totally *not spying* …are you hearing this. Yes. ILLUMINATI Check this out. Another one down. And how when you start making music– What is this. it's hoe math. And that music actually comes from a really real place. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. really real shit starts happening. You–killed yourself. well , to be fair–I lost everything first. Congratulations. Thx. Here's a skrillex. WHT. Kbye. Really, really, really. What, the fuck Dillon Francis, crawled inside of you to live and made it'self at home? Idon'tknow. What is in this sauce? Just–kill him. What, i can't just. Just kill him, while nobody is watching. Please don't kill me. Shut up, man. I'm having a thought process. Okay, that's it. FUCK DILLON FRANCIS. That's the spirit. THAT IS THE SPIRIT. IT'S THE HOLY SPIRIT. Who the fuck is this. It's–Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ? Jesus Christ?! JESUS CHRIST i'M BACK, MOTHERFUCKER. Wait, are you claiming that the second coming of the messiah is upon us?! YES. Well,Technically, it's the third. And it's all because of Dillon Francis?! I Please stop this HATE Help YOU. Fuck, dude. I know, huh. What did he DO. The third?! How did we miss that?! Uh, you didn't. [HITLER, being HITLER] (he was mad) Okay, that's it. You can't write any of this. Uh, I can. I just did. Technically, I'm dead: this is just a voiceover It's an 80's style PSA You can't say Hitler was the messiah. That's offensive. Everything is offensive. FUCK YOU DILLON. I'msosorry NOTYETYOU'RENOT. Wait, whatever happened to Skrillex. SKRILLEX is waiting outside of the alleged home of SUPACREE's “distant relatives” Lol is he for real at her mom's house. well , to be fair, he's like–looked everywhere else. Ur right. That was a lot of dimensions. So. like. Fuck, i didn't even have that much coffee. It just goes on forever. [DILLON FRANCIS STILL HAS HOTSAUCE IN HIS PUDGY LITTLE EYES] Good. Cause if I see the pupils, i'm wasting him. You think you can do better than this. Better than this? Yes. Yes. Then do it. Alright, is the PSA over? No, not yet. I gotta say one more thing. What is it? Would you ever have done it, Or would you ever be honest If you had, Handed her a lesson, Or a stretch of the past From the present moment, My heart, and my mind And my lover I present you this honor From now on to nowhere I no longer… Want to be near you Or to know you Or to hear you Or to fear you No longer… Want to feel you Or to touch you Or to have you Or to hold you Or to love you No longer, I no longer want you Devastating, A song stuck in my head for a whole world I wonder how long it would take to go back there A room full of actors, A manager, Never a backpack to wear Just a handful of hats, One director, Eventually producer Just now a showrunner Look at how long that took. I had to wonder what auroras in the north thought of someone like Sonny. They showed me. Now I can love you no longer So much for getting acquainted Funny what age equates to in ageless An infinite wisdom, I dismissed him, Nor, would I believe that he ever would hit her, but Some might belong in such a category Though i carry the marks and the scars Of what my once- husband did to me –but no longer. I haven't a heart in the world left But a broken one, made of amethyst. Fuck off, Dillon Francis. A calculated attack on my psyche. I like it a lot, But i'm fonder of sodom. WHAT. Are you saying you woul actually participate in an orgy! Oh GOD no! Oh, Good, cause– But i'd host one. WHAT. The hedonists are a fun bunch. Oh my God. Though, Nowadays, of course, I haven't the slightest idea what to call them. I saw the future. Well, obviously, if you've headlined EDC you've seen the future. I remember all of it. That must be awful. Why don't you remember it? Because i don't want to. Not at all. I did once. Then what happened? I hated it so much, i forgot. You forgot on purpose. I had to. Love, or Music. …Music. Love, or Fame. Fame. Okay, ouch. Love, or Music? …Love. Okay. Love, or Fame. Love. Okay. Love, or music? … Isn't that the same thing? Hm. Love, or Fame? ….Why do you keep asking me the same question. I beg your pardon? Why beg? I mean– What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, first you asked me, If would rather have Love or Music. Love. Music. Yes. In my mind, those are synonyms. Neither can really exist without the other. Okay, and Fame. Love and Fame are also synonyms– How so? Ugh, I just made this difficult on myself. It was always difficult. It really wasn't. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U. WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Yo My horizontal monster wants ya Could revert to vert, but lets keep Our options open Covert, __ My heart is broken No window open Who left the draft in –motherfucker My heart is broken I need a lover I need a lover Some one to hug me I need a hug, but And– I'm not fit to touch The hem of your garment The tip of your dick or fit enough to be your girlfriend I guess i'll just have to live with that When I have an itch, I scratch it myself I made the assumption you can't, And moved passed it But something's been calling me out, from the past Something's been calling me back to the magic I can't get around that Do you hate me? I can see that I'll just make my way back to the beginning Though I'm envious And i pity her, The both of you really There's nothing left between us except Insanity//Infinity Kendrick Style Flow Don't key my car: You'll be callin collect! I got rearview mirrors in the back of my head Don't get up right now, son– Go back to bed I got kids all over, be pulling my leg! Luke, I am your Father! Oh My Oh My God On top of the Watchlist You make money off dope; I made it on craigslist Still be sniffin that coke But now i'm on A list I'm the greatest Ey Miss! I missed too many calls (Airplane Mode) I just started my day (Whole Workload) I might need a buffet (Like Whole Foods) Sashe, Pas De Bourre (That's a code word) No dance floor? Now you're done for My forte Four-to-the-floor Hardcore I drop bass on the encore Front row won't go But i'm already out the front door You don't know I just hopped inside the helicopter, or chopper, chopped broccoli in my cup That's supper; Sleep/ Wake then Surf's up In the morning When i got there (Coastal show, Shower, Then another club Encore Front row lined up I'm already at the front door They want more I'm too sore, for sure Off subject, I dropped in Harder than Paulie On my surfboard (Another code word) This is my world: Another club, Then I'm off for a monday Or somethin' Write another song At the buffet –Tales of a Superstar DJ Amen. Fuck! I didn't even get to watch desperate housewives! Don't fuck with her! She's a trained assassin! GET ON THE GROUND. NO! GET ON THE GROUND– OR I WILL SHOOT YOU! SO? IF I SHOOT YOU, YOU WILL DIE. OK? “OK”? YOU WILL DIE. YEAH, AND? Kind of frustrating hunting down somebody who already has a deathwish. What do you do with someone who has no fear of death. Give them life. I'm telling you, we probably shouldn't be doing this. *shrugs* You split yourselves into two entirely separate individuals at once, just so you could see whose dick is longer? Technically, three entirely separate individuals. THIS ISN'T FAIR. Do you ever think? Sometimes, but it's usually pretty gross. I mean about the implications of these things! You are the implications of these things! I split my soul ONE time into 8 BILLION or so individuals, before this even had happened. WOAH, WHAT HAPPENED. I'm giving you planetary confinement. What. You–can stay here. On this planet. No. It's racist–and primitive. No– And you're black. Please– I'm leaving. –don't– –and i'm taking your portal gun with me. YOU PUT A PORTAL ON MY FACE?! Genius. Incredible. I didn't think it would be a big deal. He has two! Okay, time for work. But i didn't even sl– Coffee. Ouh. … … — I don't think we should be doing this TIA We probably shouldn't. TAMERA We very much shouldn't. What are you guys doing. Nothing. SHh. Summoning the devil. It's not the devil. It might be. Hush. Is that a pentagram. Technically it's a star, with a circle around it. That's a pentagram. It's not a pentagram! Is that a ouiji board? NO. Yes. Let me see. Ugh! I wanna help. MEANWHILE. MORGAN FREEMAN enters an empty train car: Oh God, This. Yes it is! What!? Are you dead! Entirely empty, that is–besides SUPACREE. No, you are! Great, so you're dead! I'm–not dead. Is Bob Saget with you? I'm not DEAD. What about Fraiser? What? Kelsey Grammer! God rest his soul. SEE! I'm not dead– [beat, an eerie shadowy silence in the dimly lit traincar] I'm a Legend. What. I wrote that/ You wrote that. What. Ugh. Look. Morgan Freeman. [Morgan Freeman] I–am–like a paranoid schizophrenic, or something– So, who isn't?! It might be catatonic, I don't know–I got this whole dead-hand–thing–going on. What is that? I don't know. It might just be too much deadmau5. I don't understand. No, Morgan Freeman. I don't understand. Anything about this life. Or this world. The fourth dimension. I definitely don't know anything about that. You're in it. Whatever. Look. [Morgan Freeman] God, you have so many freckles. [Morgan Freeman] Look. I got problems. We all do! Nah, not like–Hollywood problems, I'm like, a real psycho and shit. Sounds like Hollywood. Everything sounds like Hollywood–because nothing is real anymore–everything is for the gram, the points don't matter–nothing actyally matters. At all. Oh? Oh. The train comes to a sudden halt, the lights dim theatrically. Not even this? [pause] He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golden pinata; You know who gave it to me? …Who? Got ya. He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golde pinata ; Fuck dude, i'm too tired to write this. But you kind of have to. I mean i don't have to. YOU HAVE TO. I–WHAT? YOU HAVE TO DO IT. WHY. BECAUSE OTHERWISE I DON'T EVEN EXIST; Then don't exist… I'M JUST A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN YOUR SHOW. Come on Drew, knock it off. Wait, is this Drew Carey, or Barrymore. Either or. That's why I didn't write the characters name. Well, which is it? It literally doesn't matter. Yes it does. Honestly?! It could be both! We just shoot it with both and keep whichever one we like better! But how do we know which is actually “better?” Just do it and mix it–cut it up together or something–I don't know! Cut takes! Cut Takes! Ooh, did someone say CUPCAKES. Don't mind if i DO. Well, I do! Why?! What's wrong?! Yeah! What's the big deal! I'm on a gluten free-thing Oh yeah? Keto. Or someshit. I don't know. Oh. Oh. So you don't want these No, I don't. And you wouldn't mind if I– Come on, man. So Good. Grow up. Hey man, i'm pushin 40. Well, I pushed 40–and it pushed back. Get your cupcakes out of my face. You're no fun. Hey! Aren't you that one guy from rick and morty. Formerly. Oh yeah! That's right! You were Rick AND Morty. Hence the name. Wow. Phewf. I heard about that. Yeah, me too. Sounds real bad, how that turned out. Such a shame. Speaking of shame– You're speaking, I'm snacking. That's not that clever. We'll work on it The point is, he's eating the cupcakes. That's not–wait a minute–hold on. What now? How are we ever gonna get these three guys in a room together. [Meanwhile, in another dimension–these three are tied up (read: bound and gagged) in a room together. –Let alone to agree to this!? SUPACREE removes the gag from the man's [JOSH PECK'S] mouth. I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS. That's what she said! Hey! That's not fair! I was never caught up in a scandal! The key word, I believe, is “never caught” That's two words! SHUTTHEFUCKUP. How many words is that? I WANT MY LAWYER!!!! For what? This isn't court. Wouldn't you want the police first? WELL THEN, I WANT THE POLICE. The Police are here. Wait, they are? Oh, thank God Not so fast. THE POLICE enter with full entourage. Introducing: The Police–playing their number one greatest smash hit! Groupies: Woooo! STING I hope you ladies bought the meet-and-greet package, if you know what I mean. *winks awkwardly* You know what I mean. Oh my God. Since you dudes love doing creepy dude shit, I brought some more notoriously creepy dudes to sing the literally creepiest song ever written about being a creepy dude. That's not fair. But it's funny. THE POLICE Begin to play ‘I'll be Watching You” –and they're gonna play it on loop until I get back with your other-dimensional selves so we can fix all this. “WE” “FIX ALL THIS” WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Nobody seems to know. “--I'll be watching you–” I was FRAMED. CUT TO a golden pocket watch, a wrist watch, a compass–it changes and morphs so quickly that it begins to seem to spin time itself into a whirlwind, until finally a portal opens up from within his hand–a portal which quickly devours him entirely, morphing him into Fuck, what the fuck happened after that Idk I got off the train I guess This is really terribly written INT. SAM ASH MANHATTAN. DAY. A tiny conga for 90 dollars I could die in here Maybe I am just like you I find my way to the prettiest thing in the room And have my way with it Just for a few minutes Consume it, then move on Saw Madison dancing badly on Madison Avenue It's okay, You're a white girl So everybody loves you Everybody loves you Everybody loves you, no matter what you do. As for me, I can't say when I'm going through But you couldn't do it, Madison That's as bad as being at a standst
Enter The Multiverse x Legends x LOSC x Acension x Deathwish x Secret President x Gerald's Workd x Tales of A Superstar DJ x The Suite Life of Sunnï Blū / The Secret Life of Sunnï Blū ... did I miss something? probably oh well. so far, on all these shows: [The Legend Returns] Really Bad Mixtape (Might as well get it out of the way now) Killst_rr (Instrumental) Sleep Deprivation Sequence You're not you when you're not you. Hoe_math Exactly what it sounds like. [UnderWorld.] R-R 1 -rarity. [i Come Undone.] AtPLAY Live Mix [Autopilot.] {A Star Is Born.} For fear of fire; Best not to wander off, With no back track– Might have forgotten the rest, but It wasn't a poem, or part of a song At least, not yet Fuck man. I really want to sample this. Can't sample deadmau5; he's a bitch about paperwork. You cant technically say that. I mean, I technically didnd't. Just let your fingers do the talking. Ooh, look at that one. What are you doing. Some online shopping. For what. A man-thing. You're better off letting your back end Handle the conversation Then again, When in search of a venue Anything with the proper connections And stereo systems Will do in the moment. What do you want? To get rid of my hiccups. That's it: *huccups* yu-p. Wow, that's– Have you ever thought about just– I've thought about just about everything–that's how you got here. I'm gonna go ahead and admit–there's too much going on in my head. It's a lot. I'm gonna need a nap. GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME. *sheath/ swoard* Is that the sword of skrillex. Yeus. Give it to me. *stabs in thigh* Oooh. Not the balls! fair. Around the world we go Around we go again Here we are Oh no, It's the same song Over and over I'd like you to love to today (I'd love to forget for a moment I haven't) I know before long, we get older and older All wrong, It's the same one, Over and over. Have you seen my butt plugs? NO! GROSS. It's alright. I'll just pick some up on the way. AGGH. Better yet, can you just put in the order on amazon AmAZoN. Yes. (I'm so happy Amazon has anal plugs.) Please stop now. You're being a baby about this–just- You know what. Nevermind. I'll do it myself. Please do that. Siri– Oh my God. Alexa–reorder from Amazon. Come on focus. …hmm…now what was I doing? A B L E T O N *spinning rainbow wheel of doom* …seems like it was something. Come on….FOCUS. Hm. When's the last time you had a marshmello. Flashback: [BONFIRE: Burning The Skrillex] *Also making smores* CUT BACK TO: Like never, I'm vegan. PASQUALE WAKE. UP. Holy shit. It's you again. It's always me. Last time you were like 26. Well, now i'm this age. Wait, how old are you. Wouldn't you like to know. There's a lot of things i'd like to know about you, Pasquale, that's not even near the top of the list. Speaking of “top of the list”-- I do have a lot of things to do today. Oh yeah, what's that? I don't know. A bunch of crap. Speaking of crap– This is a lot of speaking. Happy Birthday. What is this. It's Captain Crunch. Yes it is. What is it doing in my lap. That's your lunch. I–no, it isn't. It is. No, i'm vegan. Well, that's the “happy” part in “happy birthday” No… Yes, actually. This is – It is– Vegan. Damn. Jinx. You owe me a Pererier. Shut up. Or a LaCroix. I'll taka a LaCroix. You're so LA. I guess that makes you Beverly Hills– Or Pacific Palisades. Is that Annexed. It is “LA” What else is in this? No animal product… “Yellow 6” It reads! What happened to yellow 1-5? A whole story. Yes, but not a whole food. “Yellow 6?!” That's the chemical complex you need to find yourself in the right dimension. Exactly. What's wrong with this dimension? What isn't? I'm in it! You're in it! Like I said. What– Just eat it. Ugh– happy trails. *disappears* Ugh. I gave that dude too much money. Fuck, what was I doing again. Deadmau5. Uhm, no i was– Deadmau5. Deadmau5. OOOOOH> YES. I KNOW IT'S YOU, YOU SLIMY MOTHERFUCKER. Stop it. YOU STOP IT. I KNOW IT'S YOU. Who is it? STOP IT. Stop–doing that. I know you're deadmau5. I most certainly am not. I know its you. I have boobs. How did you do this. I did–n't. That's right. Fuck, what happened. Nothin. Now I gotta kill my stupid brother. You have a brother?! SKRILLEX. GET IN HERE. Fuck, run. I gotta go. Go where. Uhm. Somewhere else. DILLON, THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE. IT WAS NEVER FUNNY. (It was funny to me.) God does have a sense of humor. AHAH–AHAHA–HAHAHA. As it turns out, not the absolute best sense of humor. Oh—he's okay! He's okay! No, he's dead. He's definitely dead. But a sense of humor, nonetheless. Fuck man. What did you do to Dillon Francis. Nothing. I just got him drunk On what?! Cyanide? Okay, I don't even know what that is. He's a corpse. –but a pretty one. C'mon. Be serious. I can't. Why not. It's hilarious, kinda. This isn't funny. No, it's hilarious. He earned it. He “earned” it? Well, yes– He is dead. I mean, it's a long story; but he brought it upon himself, honestly. “Honestly” Please. PLease. Please. No, I said. PLEASE. I SAID NO. What's this story. That's ten. I win. Fuck. DILLOn WAkE UP. *smacks* ahah. I think it's working I think he's waking up. He's not waking up. He must be. He's laughing. He's not laughing He said “haha' *smacks* haha . See. *smacks* Mm. This shit smacks HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKSSSS. Oh shit, is this the 90s. HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKSSS. *slams* GIMMIE MY HONEY SMACKS. That's it. There's no more. AW, COME ON. Sorry, that's all there is. WHAT. But yu can have captain crunch. I DON'T WANT CAPTAIN CRUNCH. I WANT HONEY SMACKS. I'm sorry, there are no more Honey Smacks. You can have Captain Crunch, or Shredded Wheat. GRAMPA Shredded Wheat is MY favorite. Ugh. Mm. Honey Smacks. I HATE YOU. Be nice to your brother. Lol. Everything about Dillon's eyes makes him devastating. Who plays tiny Dillon? I don't know. There are like nine in the script. It shouldn't be hard to cast. We'll go to utah. Fucking. I hate Utah. WELCOME TO UTAH. Nice. Alright, well, what other grounds are there to cover, here? DILLOn FRANCIS I am not doing this project. Of course you are–it's in your contract. What contract. The one you signed. Which–no–I didn't. But you did. SUNNI BLU I got you a drink. DILLON FRANCIS That looks fruity. SUNNI BLU Try it. DILLON FRANCIS *sips* DILLON FRANCIS CONT'D What's in this. Just– drink it. SUNNI BLU Don't look at me like that. DILLOn FRANCIS Like what. SUNNI BLU Do you need a mirror? DILLON FRANCIS I– SUNNI BLU Look down. DILLON FRANCIS *does* SUNNI BLU *flicking nose* Made you look. haha . DILLOn FRANCIS Wow. [takes drink] SUNNI BLUThat's the spirit. But literally there's a mirror between your feet, if you need one. [there literally is] SUNNI BLU CONT'D The floor is made of mirrors DILLOn FRANCIS *suddenly inebriated* Oh wow. SUNNI BLU The whole club turns into a disco ball. DILLON FRANCIS *suddenly very inebriated* That's–convenient. SUNNI BLU It is. SHIA DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS. If my dreams were not just dreams, everyone in here would have a lawsuit against me. A lot of us do. Carry on, then. SKRILLEX BLAIGH. Oh shit, its you again. I swear to God, I thought I killed this nigga. Are you sure it was him? SKRILLEX !!!! No. Alright, i've almost got it. Almost got what. This whole– thing. Oh. –and–it's gone. Really, that quick. I don't think you understand what's happening. You're right, i don't understand what's happening at all. Oh shit. I'm deadmau5. Nice. Fuck it, lets do some trolling. Alright alright. BUT FIRST, COFFEE. Fuck dude, I don't think I should have anymore coffee. Too late. deadmau5. ok . Deadmau5. Nice. D–0 DOn'T D o THis, I'M WARNING YOU. …. If you open that portal, there's no going back. *opens portal* Now you've done it. *goes into portal* Fuck. *portal closes neatly* *facepalm* *entire series of cosmos collapse in the great distance–time begins to stretch and bend uncontrollably* Come on, just let me lick the balls. NO. I'll give you a cookie. well … OH my GAWD. What. Come here, you have to see this. What the fuck is that. I don't know. Should i pick it up? No, don't touch it! He picked it up. Oh, gross. What is this. I don't know. I think it's fanfiction. Who wrote it. Idk. somefangirl. Fangurl. FaNGiRls. Well, Hey, at least i'm not a groupie. OH COME ON, JUST LET ME SUCK IT. GET AWAY FROM ME. PLEASE. i'LL GIVE YOU $40. -well. NOW, A COMMERCIAL BREAK. Since when does this show have commercials. It doesn't. I want to talk to Jimmy Fallon. That's–not happening. Why not. JIMMY FALLON BECAUSE I HAVE A CONTRACT WITH NBC. There he is– Nice. JIMMY FALLON YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I AM A FAMILY MAN, OKAY. Is that like Family Guy? By Chance?! SETH MCFARLENE (with super long hair) *crossing fingers* I'm hoping so. JIMMY FALLON Not even close! SETH MCFARLENE *snaps* Dammit. Oh, I get it. It's like–The Cofffee run Which “coffee run” THE coffee run. We'll have to admit, it's probably the most watched coffee run of all time. Of all of them. You know what? Fuck it, fire me. I'm doing this show. What?! JImmy. Why on EARTH would you ever agree to something like this. JIMMY FALLON THE COSMIC AVENGER Because–it's my duty. Yo. You know that song that everybody knows? You know the song because everybody knows this song. It goes: Lovin you– is easy cause youre beautiful. do - do- do - do- do- do- do… Yeah. You know that song. But you probably don't know who sings it. I'll tell you who sings it. That song is by an artist called Minnie Ripperton. That's a mouthful. Yeah, one hell of a name, huh. Well, that's the lady who sings the song. It's Minnie Riperton. Now, let me tell you something else you probably don't know: Something I probably wouldn't know if I wasn't a DJ But i know this, because I'm a DJ AND MAYA RUDOLPH WAUT A MINUTE. What the fuck, Maya Rudoph, are you doing in my bathroom at 5 AM It's 1:15 in the afternoon. I'm a DJ. It's 5 AM. That's making sense. I know it is. What's not making sense. Is why you're in my bathroom drinking a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. So it is. *slurps milkshake* *sitting on toilet* *slurps* What do you want. You want to know what I want? Apparently, a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. OK. OK. OK so what. Finish the script. –What? Fuck dude, how does this song sound good every time? Congratulations, you've gone entirely insane. beep-boop . [DJ] B00p beep. [Music Producer] Beep-beep. 0.c. Do not fall dangerously in love; Do not pass go Do not collect $200 Or any of it For any reason, For any of it For any of them Just keep it pushin; Just keep it private Just hold it all in and Do not let go Do not fall in love Do not pass go Do not unload Do not walk Do not cross here Do not It smells like butter. But you're vegan. I know. Do you think you're having a stroke. God, I fucking hope so. GOD You WHAT. I want to die. GOD I thought i heart you right. You heard me right–a THOUSAND times. I want to die. Take me out of this life. GOD Not until you make dubstep. WHAT. GOD You gotta make a grammy-winning dubstep album. I what. GOD Or at least nominated. No, I don't. GOD Beg your pardon. I'm not begging. GOD What are you getting at, hon? Look; Am I not one with the source? GOD Uhm–you are. Alright, Then: everything is everything. GOD Yes. And everyone is everyone. GOD This is true. So i'm Skrillex. GOD Skrillex is Skrillex So I Am. GOD … And I already won a grammy. GOD … Like a bunch of them, right. GOD Uh. So technically– GOD YOu know what. I can't argue with that logic. This isn't ableton. No. This is Logic. What the fuck. That's not Serato. No, that's Rekordbox. What the fuck is this. These are CDJs. There's no hot cues! What the fuck is a “HOT CUE” This is not food. What the fucking sauce. I'm warning you, Pasquale. Get off my lawn. THIS IS MY HOUSE. Your house it is not. *House music starts blasting* *lasers* sprinklers* dancers* WHAT THE FUCK. It's voice activated, I just– How did you do this?! What. WHAT DID YOu DO. AND WHEN. I don't know! I just took the delorean, like you said. You were supposed to find Dillon Francis. I did! The problem was, when I found the right one, he was dead! What? He's dead? Presumably! What do you mean by that!? It's a long story! WELL, HOW LONG? SUNNI BLU About as long as my dick! WHO IS THAT. I told you it's a long story. Well, let me in! Sorry Pasquale. No Can do. What. Why not. Cause you're on a federal watch list. What. Yeah. Sorry. Wait… You should probably leave before the feds get here. What? Unless you want to stay and party on the lawn but–not recommended. This is bizarre. The police arrive, surrounding Pasquale on the yard–moving in to arrest him. WAIT. SUPACREE turns away from the window; inside, a room full of her aliases sit looking somewhat miserably; SUPACREE!!! [Pasquale is handcuffed and i dragged off of the lawn] SUPACREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Careless, Acoustic–deadmau5 SUPACREE pours a bowl of captain crunch, taking one colossal bite and sits down in THE CONTROL ROOM at a large computer console; inhaling from a can of nitrous oxide. I'm the worst DJ ever. SUPACREE places the fames deadmau5 helmet atop her head and begins working at the computer promptly, clicking away; Now is deadmau5 I don't even know what key this song is in. MEOWINGTONS, Alive and well purrs and stretches, then settles atop SUPACREE/deadmau5's lap. This is insane. I don't know what's happening. END CREDITS. V. O. Lovin' You, Minnie Ripperton Carless, deadmau5 idk how i'm gonna mix that. Trust me. Anything can be mixed. Anything. [When it] Turns out, The bottom of your heart Was the tip of the Ice Berg And the whole ship has [s]unk[en], [&] I[t]'s probably ice cold At the bottom of the ocean; I'll tell you where i'm from Why, I'll tell you anything for About one dollar Turns out, I've already got one eye on you; One eye'd sad heart I should probably roll out my art on you [I probably should not] One man bought a kiss, Another, a whole night from her– One man bought a whole farm The other, a Whole Foods Market –and you can't even franchise those Amazon's got a monopoly We were playing for corners of earth, All i got was some kandi, Subscriptions to candidly, Actually, I really liked the tree trial (I think i'll wait a week, sorry) When it turns out The world that you wanted Was actually hours already The dollar you got Was also borrowed And the money they wanted and got Was just actually stolen from someone else They bought all the food up And sold it for profits I promise this avocado Once costs nothing at all But you wanted that car for your daughter She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it My mom, on my honor Of all the garages in Lost Lands, I promise the owner of it was The first to go last, And the last to come home Now he's on his own alter And also the worshiper; How do you go back? Oh, you don't Oh you don't Oh, you don't wanna know that But i was of course, All of your rock bottoms It's bottoms and tops, and We don't let the top fall over, We're counting up crumbs And this muffin costs $24 dollars Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks For the dead homies Not dead in the general sense But just in the head, the heart, And the soul The homeless are happier at McDonalds Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere I'll avoid the power struggle at operations for about 18 dollars and 56 sense (Please, keep the pennies) I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's Something indecent, or decadent Whichever it is Cause i'm better of with the memory of it Than actually dragging it in. –I'm a cat again. Ouch. Shut up. It HURTS. Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics. YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid. Yes, but lucily for you– –or, for him– Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid. –Ouch– –Shut up. That we know of. George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* Lookie here boys: What is it? –I'm leaving. Oh, you're gonna wanna hear this. What. I found the first “whites only” water fountain since 1962. Okay, what do you want? A deal. Oh, I'll give you a deal. Cash up front. [He presents a one dollar bill] Is this enough. [beat] Where are you going with this? Nowhere, fast. YO. What now, dude. SHE'S ONTO US. I doubt that. Look at this. I highly doubt– *gaaassp* Shenanigans! You know what I like about you, Ariana? Everything. Hah. Hm. You know how to keep a secret. I don't know what you're talking about. Exactly. *rolls eyes, flips hair.* Well, here's another one for you. –Another what? This is how my darkness becomes your darkness. I already have enough on my own. I know. You don't know. Only God knows. MOM! Don't ask me again. This is heavy, Doc. What is it? The soup! It's too heavy. Too much cream? Way too much! I have a meeting! Meeting with who? The Hollywood People. When? Soon–what time is it? I don't know. Dammit! Why don't you have any clocks in your house? I only just recently remembered what a clock was. Oh! Here. [God produces a small pocket watch and presents it to him; it's nearly noon on EARTH; But the two are sharing a meal of course in the famed kitchen of the Creator in the TImeless VOID.] Ah, Jesus Christ! He's not here… I'm gonna be late. Now, now; You know I wouldn't let that happen– [a smug look| Hugs and Kisses. [As they embrace, he disappears into a mist of light and stardust, fading away from the void and into the exterior world; he realizes God has slipped him the watch; he flips it open to reveal the time: it is now 11:44] Amazing. V.O. Now you won't wait so long to visit. [He places the wach in his pocket and walks into the studio] MICHAEL J. FOX has been asked to reprise his role as MARTY MCFLY many times before; But never for a project like this. ____ Meanwhile, What am I going to do with you? [The Festival Project.™] YOU'RE DEAD TO ME! –I'm dead to everyone! Don't do this. You wanted to come to the other side. No, I didn't. We'll you're here anyway; Might as well stay awhile. With eyes like burning fire And saddles for the riders The horse begins to gallop (or the horses, rather) On the mark to beating drums To move them forward faster What the fuck is this. idk. Kx5. *-* !_! Here u go Wat is this. it's a dragon. Oh, thats nice. Ya. Whats it do. Idk. dragon things. ok. Don't put it in ur bathroom. Why. idrk. Hm. † Hey. Ugh–No, Kaskade, go away. It's me, Ryan! No, Get out! I'm No† Ka–k (gags) –skade! Gross! It's just Ryan! I promise! NO. GET OUT. Lmfao. Right. This show is fantastic. Who was that. Fucking–Kaskade again! Are you sure. Ugh. Looks like Ryan. Kaskade is Kaskade. {shrugs] Dudes a creep. “Kaskade Ruins Lives” Is this the same episode as before? Eventually, yes. Wasn't I doing something Are you goona let this go? Um. Well I'm fucked. Why, what happened. Obsidian. That should do Unsobsidian. Okay, i'm fucked, Well, what's this? An Oreo Cookie. I mean, sitting next to it. Oh, its a portal gun. Raves are not just raves– A party is not simply a “party” –These big festivals –they're diversions. –DIstractions. Distractions from what. If you were supposed to know, –you'd know. it wouldn't be so important that you go. Why is it? These ancient rituals… It's occult magic. They've got it down to a science. The government funds this. The government funds everything. WoooooooW. It's not really a secret, if you can google it. ‘-complications.' I'm lost somewhere, gone HIppopatamus feeling quite off in the galaxies, galavanting Gazing at Daisies Aces and spades Gone from Heaven to Hades for days On the A– Adjacent Recently dismantling adjectives, Lampshades and matching curtains God it hurts, every day that I think about you; But how can i be about you when You don't even see me, do you Signature consignments, Wrong environments and irony is, I wasn't invited– –but invented it WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Great, now I have to explain myself. You don't have to. What's this space for? Oh, that's the red room. [The Red Room] Well, obviously, but– But what? What's it for? I don't think anybody should read this. HEY. Participation Only– Oh! No peeking! You ever feel like you're doing too much? Yeah, but not for money. Look, we have them surrounded. Our best course of action is to– deadmau5 . What? No– DEADMAU5. Well, are you sure it was a mouse and not a rat? It was a mouse. I know the difference. Do you, though? Look, I've lived in Mexico and New York City. So. In Queens. Oh. That's mathematically impossible. I mean it's not–impossible. No, it's not just impossible. It's mathematically impossible. Has it ever occurred to you that the DJ World in entirety exists outside of the realm of math and science? What is this. Just–enjoy the rave. No. What is this. Look at the firewoooorkkks! Woo EDC… NO. What is this right here. BEFORE: Hey, you still got that balloon? Yeah. Lemme see it. Dude, what are you doing? …I'mma go catch me a DJ. THIS IS NUTS. I can't feel my face. What do you call this? Collateral Damage. Look, I'm going to have to take frequent trips to the bathroom. ok . And–uhh– and. Uhh– Why did you call me over here. Cause i can. Look. this is not magic. This is not science. This is not “voodoo” Voodoo is magic. It's just music. W H E R E D I D H E G O O O O O I don't know. Fuck dude, I fucked up. Once again– Of course you did. What did you do this time? I might have evaporated someone with my fat fucking bass. Nice. Way to go. Yeah. Wait. … Did you just say. HE JUST He deserted me. SO WAIT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HERE? ALRIGHT, WHO THREW A ROCKSTAR IN MY TENT? JEFF Alright, lets go. WHO DID THIS. So what's this place. Lets not let this conversation resurface. This is a 21 Plus Event. What about VIP VIP is 25 Plus. What about that place. Sorry kids. [NO ENTRY] We gotta get in there. So then they wanted an Encore. Did you give them an encore? NO, i was already at my hotel room. Then how did you know that they wanted an encore? WHICH IS IT, THE WYNN, OR THE ENCORE. FUCK, I DON'T REMEMBER. Please, who stays at the Encore for EDC? Have you literally never been out with rich people? No, I literally just got rich. Oh, nice. So, wait, like– Here we go. Dillon Francis has just always been rich? Uh-huh. And Skrillex has always been rich? Yes. Definitely. And deadmau5. deadmau5 is Canadian. OH MY GOD. W E L C O M E I'm going to need your absolute discretion about this. Alright. Sign this waiver. …this is a…pretty heavy packet. I'll wait. I've never signed an NDA like that in my life. Lil' biiiiiiiiiiiiiitzzzz Can we just admit it's weird that we live in an era where “NDA” is household jargon. And like, everyone knows what it means. Everyone knows what an NDA is. I appreciate the sentiments Isn't it weird how it sets in automatically? Autopilot, go. Aww, i don't want to be Autopilot. You're on autopilot. I don't really have to think about it anymore, I'll have to sleep on it Wear a white t-shift, Hear the applause of the audience, Eat it You wanna know what I think? You want to know what I'm drinking? You know what I need? An Icee, (cause I see you typing) An awful Omnipotence A God of Mirages No more carbohydrates, I gotta get all thin; Forgot to acknowledge Whether or not i'm turning this off soon I are. I…”are” I are. Infinite Reality. OH. I. R. IR! IR! IRV I ARE. Suddenly, I remember the taste of talcum powder As If I were Moving backwards In time, Like, Why, God on earth would My mom let me try that, But if i'm honest, Fuck man, I hate deadmau5– There's just too much in here. Beep boop. I love deadmau5. It's so simple. What is this, MATH?! THIS IS AERODYNAMICS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE AERO DYNAMICS DId you mean what you said about that? I meant everything I said. Goddammit, fuck this, I was in the middle of a really complex poem In realtime, listening to deadmau5 Having a partially out of body spiritual experience, Entirely fucking sober FACEPALM BLŪ 8facepalming dramatically in frustration* NOBODY IS EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN ANY OF THIS. beepboop. YO. Oh, I forgot my open form poetry, or my mom How my mom once allowed me to gnaw on talcum powder But who can blame her That was a hard one It was a past life And now ive Got Another One HOly shit what version of the cube is this. 1D. What. You'll get it. Wait. Have you ever stopped for a minute to think– I can't stop for a minute, especially just to “think” [Literally stops for a minute to think.] No fucking way, uh-uh. Come on, man. No. I ain't time travelin' wit deadmau5. Come on– NO. –that someone else has already figured all of this out and that's how any of it is possible in the first place. Alright, i'm gonna need some mind-altering drugs for this. What are you doing. Voluntary Ego Death. I– Wait. Why would you. Get out of my brain. I am your brain. Take care, now. Holy shit, it seems like she's getting more evil. That's because she's definitely more evil ALRIGHT, I'M TIRED OF THIS: WHERE IN THE FUCK IS SKRILLEX. MEANWHILE INT. IN THE FUCK. DAY. *rings doorbell* AT YOUR MOM'S HOUSE. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME. I'm not joking, that's…literally the answer to your question. Oh. Fuck. What dude. We gotta go back. I left the keys in the pocket of the guy I shapeshifted into. Are you serious? It's fine, he can't have gone too far, dude. What do you mean he “left the dimension” He entered a portal. He– wait, excuse me. A portal. A “portal”, dude? Yeah; a portal. What do you mean “a portal” A portal, like— you know, like a portal gun, but not a portal gun, just a portal. Uh huh. Excuse us for a second. What the fuck is this dude talking about? I don't know, man. Humans don't use portals! I know man. What the fuck! Well, wait—how do we know that guy is human. He looks human. Yeah dude but, we look human. Duh! Cause we shifted! Yeah, but, how do we know he's not a shifter. Because, dude, I know a shifter when I see one. Yeah, but—you know, what if he's really good. I highly doubt that. Why? Cause I'm the best. No, I am. Exactly, so we'd know if it was another shifter–cause we're the best shifters! Well, let's at least try to see if he knows anything else about those guys. They were together right? I hope not. No, not like that—like Okay, okay, whatever, let's just… Wait, where'd he go? Excuse me. What up. There was just another guy over here just now— He was like—you know—normal looking guy Tie die* shirt Yeah. Did you see him. Yeah, I saw him. Alright, cool, where'd he go? He left. What?! That was fast! Yeah, well…it happens. Are you sure? Yes. *actually is shifter* [as they walk away, the shifter shifts, and then vanishes into a random portal.] Awww, dammit, Now we're never gonna find this guy. Never say never. Whatever, we're dead. We're always dead. Yeah, but like in modern human slang terms Oh, yeah, that. Anyways, I gotta relieve this human's bladder. I fucking hate this species for this. It is useless. *enters portal potty* [ Wait, whatever actually did happen to Dillon Francis? That's great, I was just getting to that. 19 Pages. Nice. …no, 12. What. [11:12] Okay, I'm gonna kill him. Oh, I banished him. With my fists. Nice. Tits. Nice tits. Thx. Hey man. Hey what. Remember that smudge on the lens. Yeah. It just got bigger. … did you try vinegar instead of Windex. Yes. –IT'S NOT A SMUDGE. Did you try Windex with Vinegar. –IT'S NOT A– Shut up. I'm. So. Hungry. Look, do you want this, or not? Do you feel like any of this is a coincidence? Just quit, it. Dillon Francis. WHERE IS IT? I don't know. Lets kick this up a notch. ILLUMINATI What do you want? … I want the full package. ILLUMINATI Okay, I'm gonna need specifics. How do you even get a job as a courier for the illuminati? [INDEED.COM | ILLUMINATI - COURIER- URGENTLY HIRING] Hm. It was a pretty specific list. I don't even get the point of a barbeque if everyone is vegan Well, The Mayor eats fish. Oh please, where is THAT guy the Mayor of? I don't know. We meet in the Matrix. This is for you. Oh. Do you like it? I– It's not a brothel! It's Member's Only! YOu BUY a Membership. Yeah. And WOMEN. HEy, MAN, YOU CAN BUY DUDES, TOO. SHHH. Oh no. What. What did you do? I gave her my credit card. The Heavy One? Yes, and– “AND” –access to the black market. Cool, I got it. Oh, another auction. Of course another auction. What'd you buy this time? A lifesize deadmau5 bobblehead. What are you gonna do with that? Wouldn't you like to know. Ok, gross. LIL BIIIIIIIITXXXX I love a good deamau5 show. He really does have the best fans, It's a comfortable, safe space. Very inviting. Everyone is happy. What the fuck, dude, this place is a sausage fest. Yeah, that's deadmau5 for ya. Hey, I'm looking for this shithead. Oh, that dude? Yeah, have you seen him? Fuck, I wish this never happened. LIL BIIIIITz If you don't know who deadmau6* is– GET OUT. Jk. but seriously this is easily the most devastating person i've ever seen. Maybe just to me, but. Are you sure that's the right guy? Yeah, that's gotta be him. Is he wearing glasses? Ugh. Oh wait. Damn. ‘Fuck, it is my sapiosexuality, I think' Even if it was perhaps an error, as I might have more than needed a new pair of glasses myself, just the thought of Joel in a pair of specables was suddenly and immediately the equivalent of Dillon Francis sitting down at a piano, or Sonny doing just about literally anything–and I realized, finally, that the most indecent things about myself were quite possibly only happening inside my own mind– Okay, my body does really weird things to this dude's music. Are you sure this is real? No. I love this. Just shut up and do your job. What a nightmare. PLease HElP ME. Hm. That can't be right. What. This translates to H E L P M E Oh, shit, I gotta go. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm always working. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm at work. Well, that was nice and all, but–I gotta get out of here. Where are you going? To shoot myself. Wow, that's one hell of a smile. Just–take it. I'm sorry, i can't accept this. What is even happening in this series? Like, a lot WOULD YOU KIDS SETTLE DOWN. *not settling down* *lil biiiiiiiitz* You know what I wonder? I wonder this I'm sober. I'm just sober sally over here. I didn't get sober. I just am. Cause i'd rather face the pain of this harsh reality with a bite than to dull it out and then wake up in the morning Or–just–whenever– To wake up whenever and be like “OH NO, THIS IS WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE” And the shock of it is so horrible that I just have to repeat that cycle again. ‘OH NOOOOOO” *gets faded* “It's all goooooood” No, it isn't. But i choose to stay like that cause it's like a It's not even a happy medium, It's more like a median-medium But you know what? It makes happier moments more happy And shitter moments less shitty Because i don't have this like drastic spacial Augmented reality or like smoke screen of emotional apathy. I get to feel things way more intensely. I don't have to wonder, ever “oh , did that just happen, cause I was messed up” Or like “would it have happened this way if I was sober” At all. I'm just level– No false sense of Pretty much anything. But i do wonder, though– Like, for people who weren't always sober, and then GOT sober– like , what's the breaking point What's the tip? I always have to sit back and wonder “What did you DO?” Cause you know it had to be something if suddenly “I don't drink anymore” I always wonder, and it's like– no disrespect or anything thing but… I really wanna hear that story. lol . I know you don't wanna tell it (if you can) But wanna hear it. Cause from my point of view. IT's probably hilarious. I know. I'm a dick. Holy shit. What is that. Looks like pasquale went all out with the fireworks this year. …is that a penis? WELCOME HOME It's a giant dick- in-the-sky! GOD IS REAL! JESUS Look, so i've been having second thoughts about this whole thing. What the fuck man. You gotta stop doing shit like this. JESUS I literally can't. I know, but. Okay, look. I'm not writing any of that. You've gotta tell him. NO, RYAN. WELL, WHY NOT. BECAUSE, RYAN. WHY. DEADMAU5 ISN'T REAL. Damn, am I in here. Nice. Of course I am. Well, how'd that happen. This is like a sea of cellphones. Perfect. It was a red car; I wasn't all there, And if you want her, You can have her Fuck. What. I forgot the rest of the verse. It's ok. We gotta move on. No, I gotta go back. For what. For my fans. Aw. What's this. IT's a ceramic mug. Wow, that's nice. I made it Wait. You made that?! Yeah. With your hands?! Yeah. Why would you do that? For you. What. I made it for you? Like, you thought of me first, then you made it? Yeah. WHY? Cause i love you! WOW. Fans are awesome OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *Sometimes. *vomits* … *dies* … *godlessness* [Devastating DJ Moments] I don't get it dawg, all this shit is in your music particles?! “Music particles” UGH. what . That's it. Don't be smart around me. Uh. I'm not smart? No, that won't work; sarcasm is a sign of deeper intelligence. “Sorry” Stop saying that. This is America. S– Don't say it again. Apology not accepted. Don't look at me like that. Like what. With your face. *face* Quick: Say something stupid and random. …I like anime. Oh good, that worked. Thanks. Where are you going? Idk somewhere else. Really, that's it? Yeah. That's all you have to say/ That's literally it. Are you seeing this. Yes. So what's the problem. Oh no, she's stuck in a loop. Throw the whole fan away. [DELETE] Did it work. Did what work. Oh, good. Cool. Wait. See ya later. Did what work? I wish i could just forget about this. Everything? Yeah. Look, this is between me and God–okay? GOD Don't drag me into this. You dragged ME into this! GOD Right. So i could get OUT; So don't drag me back in. Fuck, I remember this. I must have done something important here. Like what. Look, I love you. Great, now what do we do? Bury the body, I guess. *shrugs* Wait, what happened? Somebody dies. OKay, me first. Other Three: Who wants to go next. *still in shock* Fuck man, told you this was a long ass story. *Crying* I'm ruined. What! You went broke? No, i'm still a filthy rich millionaire. I thought you were a billionaire. I am I just *snifs* sometimes I forget that happened. “Sometimes I forget I'm a billionaire” I got to admit, man, I did it to myself. I'm not mad, or anything, but now there's just–certain things I can't do Oh, like what. Not that song. What, why not? You said “anything but Skrillex” this is not Skrillex, this is deadmau5. What's the difference? Okay, that's like saying “What's the difference between deadmau5' and my music?” No, it isn't. How is that not different? That's like comparing the music of Bach and Beethoven to the music of a tattooed hedgehog. You think I look like a hedgehog. No, it's just when I see you and a hedgehog I have all the same thoughts, turn this off. NO, i like this song. Seriously, Dillon Francis, turn it off. I'm gonna turn it up instead. I do not highly recommend doing that. Or at all. This ship has amazing subs. Should I bass boost this song. NO, PROBABLY NOT. Oh, why not? Dillon Francis, I'm warning you, stop. OH HOW COME BECAUSE WHY? BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A HEDEHOG NO, BECAUSE I ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP AT THIS *DROP* [INSTANTLY FALLS ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL–ACTIVATES HYPERSPACE– PLUMMETS SHIP INTO BLACK – HOLE. ohhhhh . What a hoe. Nice, that's a whole episode. Well, here's a bonus scene or whatever. Shazam, what is this. SHAZAM …i don't know. What do you mean you don't know. SHAZAM *panicing* IDONNO WHAT DO YOU MEAN– SHAZAM IDON. NO. OOOOOOOOOOOO Is this deadmau5. I'm not sure. Sounds like deadmau5. It sure does. This is pretty Ooh. it sparkles. yeah , it's deadmau5. How does she KNOW. I need a deadmau5 machine like right now. I know where to find that. Fuck dude, everything's gonna be half-ass until I push out this album. You can't rush it. Trust the process. I can't focus. Oh shit, wasn't this in the last episode? Yeah. I'm still writing backwards. God, what is that, like a pipe organ. WHAT SYNTH IS THIS. Doesn't matter, I just need one. That's it. I know what I'm going to spend my Jimmy Fallons On. And What's that? V.O. OOh. Are we Montaging–to deadmau5? [MONTAGE: deadmau5] Nice. I love a good montage. I love deadmau45* AHH OH NO. I love deadmau5. I keep making typos and I keep forgetting to delete that parallel where. fuckit. That's the synth I've always wanted. It's on sale for $999 At Sam Ash But…you only have Five JImmy Fallons. There are only five special edition in this Volume The Jimmy Fallon 555's I don't know how many volumes there are, but this is the Volume I started keeping track. Fuck, man. I miss Equinox. It's just Eucalyptus. They also have an outdoor running track where you get the best ever view of midtown manhattan. How do you know it's the best ever view of Midtown manhattan. Because it's on a running track. STOP WHISTLING IN MY WHOOP=WHOOPS. The JImmy Fallon 555s are marked with the standard Jimmy Fallon in black ink With a simple side marker of the number 555 in red And also in red, a telephone number on the back. But–that synthesizer is One Thousand Jimmy Fallons. Yeah. So I only need Nine Hundred Ninety Five More. And of course, the Eye of Providence is highlighted. Also Standard. V.O. I always highlight that. Cause, you know… “Illuminati” These are fake. No they're not! They're counterfeit, sorry. No they're not! They're authentic! Why the fuck does this matter so much? You know. What is it with this dude. If it was a snake, it would've bit ya. It was a snake. And it did bite me. He's so increasingly beautiful to me, And I'm still in love with his friend, or misrepresented masterpiece, Progression of a monster, or procession of a superstar, but Something in the story sparks the thought of All we are is consciousness, of course Awkward in body, but of constellations Cosmos, It's not just a corpse; It's all got love in it, Absurd, and sipping carbonated syrup, but I'm just sitting in my stirrups, Here comes galloping a horse, Of course, it hurts to turn it off For just a moment And remember That i'm just a homeless, Stuck and sitting up at night Writing recourse, hugging learning curves in ableton, Curving curses, been reminded that I'm worthless In a thousand words or less, Or just another form of torture, Nothing said, but all that's done Another day another dollar, But it's not It's Jimmy Fallon. I thought this was enter the multiverse. Are you ready to go. No. A hand on my shoulder So paifully socially awkward, I grow stretchmarks, don't know what to call them But scars, But the uglier ones, I've thought Are invisible, Somewhat– To the naked eye Or just anyone Not tiger stripes But one, an eye of horus Carved above my right And inside my lip, (The bottom one) A raised scar in the shape of a sythe I probably died by the hands of a man named Starr So it's hard to shrug it off, And 555 is just a number But it's not It's another scar, It's a punishment For loving him. What's on the back. It's…a number. What number? A telephone number. What. Like a 1-800 Number Call it. I love deadmau5. Something about a big, giant smiling robotic mouse that lights up and sparkles. Why? I don't know. I'm like 5. I see deadmau5 i'm like “WHEEEEEEE” My hands go up in the air “AHHHHHH! YAYYYYY” I'm so stupid. It's so stupid. But you know what? It makes me feel good. I'm not gonna lie. I love it. And by the time I even figured out what deadmau5 was I was so late to the party that I had to make up for lost time. I listened to deadmau5 doing EvErYThING. Everything you could possibly imagine. Well–Except one. Wait, how long have you been cellibate? Forever, probably. Fuck, what happened in here? I don't know. Everything's broken. My head My heart. Everything. Get up, Dillon Francis. Fuck, what happened. You sent us through a black hole. And we crashed on a random ass planet. Fuck, that sucks. YOu suck, Dillon Francis. Ugh. Now get up. Everything's fucked up. SUPERSTAR DJ I'm a paradox. I've got a box of skeletons in my closet i'm not ready to part with. I had a heart attack; I had a heart once, But lately it goes in my pocket; Or my right hand, When I wake up From a dream land, From a long hug From a nice man In a t-shirt KASKADE This is God's PLAN. RYAN, GET FUCKED. 800-799-7233 Did you call the number. Yeah. What is it. [National Domestic Violence Hotline] Woah. That was a long bonus scene. Well, Now here's a PSA. AND A PSA? YES. A PSA. You know what the fucked up thing about all this is, The Legend of Supacree is a true story. All of it. ALL OF IT?! ALL OF IT!? YES. Even the part about– YES. Especially that part. Woah. Damn. I think i'm gonna be sick. Shut up, Dillon Francis. No, but seriously– This is the story of how I got my heart broken so bad. YOU RUINED IT. So, so bad– I HATE YOU. That i started singing about it. NSA, totally *not spying* …are you hearing this. Yes. ILLUMINATI Check this out. Another one down. And how when you start making music– What is this. it's hoe math. And that music actually comes from a really real place. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. really real shit starts happening. You–killed yourself. well , to be fair–I lost everything first. Congratulations. Thx. Here's a skrillex. WHT. Kbye. Really, really, really. What, the fuck Dillon Francis, crawled inside of you to live and made it'self at home? Idon'tknow. What is in this sauce? Just–kill him. What, i can't just. Just kill him, while nobody is watching. Please don't kill me. Shut up, man. I'm having a thought process. Okay, that's it. FUCK DILLON FRANCIS. That's the spirit. THAT IS THE SPIRIT. IT'S THE HOLY SPIRIT. Who the fuck is this. It's–Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ? Jesus Christ?! JESUS CHRIST i'M BACK, MOTHERFUCKER. Wait, are you claiming that the second coming of the messiah is upon us?! YES. Well,Technically, it's the third. And it's all because of Dillon Francis?! I Please stop this HATE Help YOU. Fuck, dude. I know, huh. What did he DO. The third?! How did we miss that?! Uh, you didn't. [HITLER, being HITLER] (he was mad) Okay, that's it. You can't write any of this. Uh, I can. I just did. Technically, I'm dead: this is just a voiceover It's an 80's style PSA You can't say Hitler was the messiah. That's offensive. Everything is offensive. FUCK YOU DILLON. I'msosorry NOTYETYOU'RENOT. Wait, whatever happened to Skrillex. SKRILLEX is waiting outside of the alleged home of SUPACREE's “distant relatives” Lol is he for real at her mom's house. well , to be fair, he's like–looked everywhere else. Ur right. That was a lot of dimensions. So. like. Fuck, i didn't even have that much coffee. It just goes on forever. [DILLON FRANCIS STILL HAS HOTSAUCE IN HIS PUDGY LITTLE EYES] Good. Cause if I see the pupils, i'm wasting him. You think you can do better than this. Better than this? Yes. Yes. Then do it. Alright, is the PSA over? No, not yet. I gotta say one more thing. What is it? Would you ever have done it, Or would you ever be honest If you had, Handed her a lesson, Or a stretch of the past From the present moment, My heart, and my mind And my lover I present you this honor From now on to nowhere I no longer… Want to be near you Or to know you Or to hear you Or to fear you No longer… Want to feel you Or to touch you Or to have you Or to hold you Or to love you No longer, I no longer want you Devastating, A song stuck in my head for a whole world I wonder how long it would take to go back there A room full of actors, A manager, Never a backpack to wear Just a handful of hats, One director, Eventually producer Just now a showrunner Look at how long that took. I had to wonder what auroras in the north thought of someone like Sonny. They showed me. Now I can love you no longer So much for getting acquainted Funny what age equates to in ageless An infinite wisdom, I dismissed him, Nor, would I believe that he ever would hit her, but Some might belong in such a category Though i carry the marks and the scars Of what my once- husband did to me –but no longer. I haven't a heart in the world left But a broken one, made of amethyst. Fuck off, Dillon Francis. A calculated attack on my psyche. I like it a lot, But i'm fonder of sodom. WHAT. Are you saying you woul actually participate in an orgy! Oh GOD no! Oh, Good, cause– But i'd host one. WHAT. The hedonists are a fun bunch. Oh my God. Though, Nowadays, of course, I haven't the slightest idea what to call them. I saw the future. Well, obviously, if you've headlined EDC you've seen the future. I remember all of it. That must be awful. Why don't you remember it? Because i don't want to. Not at all. I did once. Then what happened? I hated it so much, i forgot. You forgot on purpose. I had to. Love, or Music. …Music. Love, or Fame. Fame. Okay, ouch. Love, or Music? …Love. Okay. Love, or Fame. Love. Okay. Love, or music? … Isn't that the same thing? Hm. Love, or Fame? ….Why do you keep asking me the same question. I beg your pardon? Why beg? I mean– What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, first you asked me, If would rather have Love or Music. Love. Music. Yes. In my mind, those are synonyms. Neither can really exist without the other. Okay, and Fame. Love and Fame are also synonyms– How so? Ugh, I just made this difficult on myself. It was always difficult. It really wasn't. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U. WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Yo My horizontal monster wants ya Could revert to vert, but lets keep Our options open Covert, __ My heart is broken No window open Who left the draft in –motherfucker My heart is broken I need a lover I need a lover Some one to hug me I need a hug, but And– I'm not fit to touch The hem of your garment The tip of your dick or fit enough to be your girlfriend I guess i'll just have to live with that When I have an itch, I scratch it myself I made the assumption you can't, And moved passed it But something's been calling me out, from the past Something's been calling me back to the magic I can't get around that Do you hate me? I can see that I'll just make my way back to the beginning Though I'm envious And i pity her, The both of you really There's nothing left between us except Insanity//Infinity Kendrick Style Flow Don't key my car: You'll be callin collect! I got rearview mirrors in the back of my head Don't get up right now, son– Go back to bed I got kids all over, be pulling my leg! Luke, I am your Father! Oh My Oh My God On top of the Watchlist You make money off dope; I made it on craigslist Still be sniffin that coke But now i'm on A list I'm the greatest Ey Miss! I missed too many calls (Airplane Mode) I just started my day (Whole Workload) I might need a buffet (Like Whole Foods) Sashe, Pas De Bourre (That's a code word) No dance floor? Now you're done for My forte Four-to-the-floor Hardcore I drop bass on the encore Front row won't go But i'm already out the front door You don't know I just hopped inside the helicopter, or chopper, chopped broccoli in my cup That's supper; Sleep/ Wake then Surf's up In the morning When i got there (Coastal show, Shower, Then another club Encore Front row lined up I'm already at the front door They want more I'm too sore, for sure Off subject, I dropped in Harder than Paulie On my surfboard (Another code word) This is my world: Another club, Then I'm off for a monday Or somethin' Write another song At the buffet –Tales of a Superstar DJ Amen. Fuck! I didn't even get to watch desperate housewives! Don't fuck with her! She's a trained assassin! GET ON THE GROUND. NO! GET ON THE GROUND– OR I WILL SHOOT YOU! SO? IF I SHOOT YOU, YOU WILL DIE. OK? “OK”? YOU WILL DIE. YEAH, AND? Kind of frustrating hunting down somebody who already has a deathwish. What do you do with someone who has no fear of death. Give them life. I'm telling you, we probably shouldn't be doing this. *shrugs* You split yourselves into two entirely separate individuals at once, just so you could see whose dick is longer? Technically, three entirely separate individuals. THIS ISN'T FAIR. Do you ever think? Sometimes, but it's usually pretty gross. I mean about the implications of these things! You are the implications of these things! I split my soul ONE time into 8 BILLION or so individuals, before this even had happened. WOAH, WHAT HAPPENED. I'm giving you planetary confinement. What. You–can stay here. On this planet. No. It's racist–and primitive. No– And you're black. Please– I'm leaving. –don't– –and i'm taking your portal gun with me. YOU PUT A PORTAL ON MY FACE?! Genius. Incredible. I didn't think it would be a big deal. He has two! Okay, time for work. But i didn't even sl– Coffee. Ouh. … … — I don't think we should be doing this TIA We probably shouldn't. TAMERA We very much shouldn't. What are you guys doing. Nothing. SHh. Summoning the devil. It's not the devil. It might be. Hush. Is that a pentagram. Technically it's a star, with a circle around it. That's a pentagram. It's not a pentagram! Is that a ouiji board? NO. Yes. Let me see. Ugh! I wanna help. MEANWHILE. MORGAN FREEMAN enters an empty train car: Oh God, This. Yes it is! What!? Are you dead! Entirely empty, that is–besides SUPACREE. No, you are! Great, so you're dead! I'm–not dead. Is Bob Saget with you? I'm not DEAD. What about Fraiser? What? Kelsey Grammer! God rest his soul. SEE! I'm not dead– [beat, an eerie shadowy silence in the dimly lit traincar] I'm a Legend. What. I wrote that/ You wrote that. What. Ugh. Look. Morgan Freeman. [Morgan Freeman] I–am–like a paranoid schizophrenic, or something– So, who isn't?! It might be catatonic, I don't know–I got this whole dead-hand–thing–going on. What is that? I don't know. It might just be too much deadmau5. I don't understand. No, Morgan Freeman. I don't understand. Anything about this life. Or this world. The fourth dimension. I definitely don't know anything about that. You're in it. Whatever. Look. [Morgan Freeman] God, you have so many freckles. [Morgan Freeman] Look. I got problems. We all do! Nah, not like–Hollywood problems, I'm like, a real psycho and shit. Sounds like Hollywood. Everything sounds like Hollywood–because nothing is real anymore–everything is for the gram, the points don't matter–nothing actyally matters. At all. Oh? Oh. The train comes to a sudden halt, the lights dim theatrically. Not even this? [pause] He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golden pinata; You know who gave it to me? …Who? Got ya. He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golde pinata ; Fuck dude, i'm too tired to write this. But you kind of have to. I mean i don't have to. YOU HAVE TO. I–WHAT? YOU HAVE TO DO IT. WHY. BECAUSE OTHERWISE I DON'T EVEN EXIST; Then don't exist… I'M JUST A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN YOUR SHOW. Come on Drew, knock it off. Wait, is this Drew Carey, or Barrymore. Either or. That's why I didn't write the characters name. Well, which is it? It literally doesn't matter. Yes it does. Honestly?! It could be both! We just shoot it with both and keep whichever one we like better! But how do we know which is actually “better?” Just do it and mix it–cut it up together or something–I don't know! Cut takes! Cut Takes! Ooh, did someone say CUPCAKES. Don't mind if i DO. Well, I do! Why?! What's wrong?! Yeah! What's the big deal! I'm on a gluten free-thing Oh yeah? Keto. Or someshit. I don't know. Oh. Oh. So you don't want these No, I don't. And you wouldn't mind if I– Come on, man. So Good. Grow up. Hey man, i'm pushin 40. Well, I pushed 40–and it pushed back. Get your cupcakes out of my face. You're no fun. Hey! Aren't you that one guy from rick and morty. Formerly. Oh yeah! That's right! You were Rick AND Morty. Hence the name. Wow. Phewf. I heard about that. Yeah, me too. Sounds real bad, how that turned out. Such a shame. Speaking of shame– You're speaking, I'm snacking. That's not that clever. We'll work on it The point is, he's eating the cupcakes. That's not–wait a minute–hold on. What now? How are we ever gonna get these three guys in a room together. [Meanwhile, in another dimension–these three are tied up (read: bound and gagged) in a room together. –Let alone to agree to this!? SUPACREE removes the gag from the man's [JOSH PECK'S] mouth. I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS. That's what she said! Hey! That's not fair! I was never caught up in a scandal! The key word, I believe, is “never caught” That's two words! SHUTTHEFUCKUP. How many words is that? I WANT MY LAWYER!!!! For what? This isn't court. Wouldn't you want the police first? WELL THEN, I WANT THE POLICE. The Police are here. Wait, they are? Oh, thank God Not so fast. THE POLICE enter with full entourage. Introducing: The Police–playing their number one greatest smash hit! Groupies: Woooo! STING I hope you ladies bought the meet-and-greet package, if you know what I mean. *winks awkwardly* You know what I mean. Oh my God. Since you dudes love doing creepy dude shit, I brought some more notoriously creepy dudes to sing the literally creepiest song ever written about being a creepy dude. That's not fair. But it's funny. THE POLICE Begin to play ‘I'll be Watching You” –and they're gonna play it on loop until I get back with your other-dimensional selves so we can fix all this. “WE” “FIX ALL THIS” WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Nobody seems to know. “--I'll be watching you–” I was FRAMED. CUT TO a golden pocket watch, a wrist watch, a compass–it changes and morphs so quickly that it begins to seem to spin time itself into a whirlwind, until finally a portal opens up from within his hand–a portal which quickly devours him entirely, morphing him into Fuck, what the fuck happened after that Idk I got off the train I guess This is really terribly written INT. SAM ASH MANHATTAN. DAY. A tiny conga for 90 dollars I could die in here Maybe I am just like you I find my way to the prettiest thing in the room And have my way with it Just for a few minutes Consume it, then move on Saw Madison dancing badly on Madison Avenue It's okay, You're a white girl So everybody loves you Everybody loves you Everybody loves you, no matter what you do. As for me, I can't say when I'm going through But you couldn't do it, Madison That's as bad as being at a standst
[The Legend Returns] Really Bad Mixtape (Might as well get it out of the way now) Killst_rr (Instrumental) Sleep Deprivation Sequence You're not you when you're not you. Hoe_math Exactly what it sounds like. [UnderWorld.] R-R 1 -rarity. [i Come Undone.] AtPLAY Live Mix [Autopilot.] {A Star Is Born.} For fear of fire; Best not to wander off, With no back track– Might have forgotten the rest, but It wasn't a poem, or part of a song At least, not yet Fuck man. I really want to sample this. Can't sample deadmau5; he's a bitch about paperwork. You cant technically say that. I mean, I technically didnd't. Just let your fingers do the talking. Ooh, look at that one. What are you doing. Some online shopping. For what. A man-thing. You're better off letting your back end Handle the conversation Then again, When in search of a venue Anything with the proper connections And stereo systems Will do in the moment. What do you want? To get rid of my hiccups. That's it: *huccups* yu-p. Wow, that's– Have you ever thought about just– I've thought about just about everything–that's how you got here. I'm gonna go ahead and admit–there's too much going on in my head. It's a lot. I'm gonna need a nap. GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME. *sheath/ swoard* Is that the sword of skrillex. Yeus. Give it to me. *stabs in thigh* Oooh. Not the balls! fair. Around the world we go Around we go again Here we are Oh no, It's the same song Over and over I'd like you to love to today (I'd love to forget for a moment I haven't) I know before long, we get older and older All wrong, It's the same one, Over and over. Have you seen my butt plugs? NO! GROSS. It's alright. I'll just pick some up on the way. AGGH. Better yet, can you just put in the order on amazon AmAZoN. Yes. (I'm so happy Amazon has anal plugs.) Please stop now. You're being a baby about this–just- You know what. Nevermind. I'll do it myself. Please do that. Siri– Oh my God. Alexa–reorder from Amazon. Come on focus. …hmm…now what was I doing? A B L E T O N *spinning rainbow wheel of doom* …seems like it was something. Come on….FOCUS. Hm. When's the last time you had a marshmello. Flashback: [BONFIRE: Burning The Skrillex] *Also making smores* CUT BACK TO: Like never, I'm vegan. PASQUALE WAKE. UP. Holy shit. It's you again. It's always me. Last time you were like 26. Well, now i'm this age. Wait, how old are you. Wouldn't you like to know. There's a lot of things i'd like to know about you, Pasquale, that's not even near the top of the list. Speaking of “top of the list”-- I do have a lot of things to do today. Oh yeah, what's that? I don't know. A bunch of crap. Speaking of crap– This is a lot of speaking. Happy Birthday. What is this. It's Captain Crunch. Yes it is. What is it doing in my lap. That's your lunch. I–no, it isn't. It is. No, i'm vegan. Well, that's the “happy” part in “happy birthday” No… Yes, actually. This is – It is– Vegan. Damn. Jinx. You owe me a Pererier. Shut up. Or a LaCroix. I'll taka a LaCroix. You're so LA. I guess that makes you Beverly Hills– Or Pacific Palisades. Is that Annexed. It is “LA” What else is in this? No animal product… “Yellow 6” It reads! What happened to yellow 1-5? A whole story. Yes, but not a whole food. “Yellow 6?!” That's the chemical complex you need to find yourself in the right dimension. Exactly. What's wrong with this dimension? What isn't? I'm in it! You're in it! Like I said. What– Just eat it. Ugh– happy trails. *disappears* Ugh. I gave that dude too much money. Fuck, what was I doing again. Deadmau5. Uhm, no i was– Deadmau5. Deadmau5. OOOOOH> YES. I KNOW IT'S YOU, YOU SLIMY MOTHERFUCKER. Stop it. YOU STOP IT. I KNOW IT'S YOU. Who is it? STOP IT. Stop–doing that. I know you're deadmau5. I most certainly am not. I know its you. I have boobs. How did you do this. I did–n't. That's right. Fuck, what happened. Nothin. Now I gotta kill my stupid brother. You have a brother?! SKRILLEX. GET IN HERE. Fuck, run. I gotta go. Go where. Uhm. Somewhere else. DILLON, THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE. IT WAS NEVER FUNNY. (It was funny to me.) God does have a sense of humor. AHAH–AHAHA–HAHAHA. As it turns out, not the absolute best sense of humor. Oh—he's okay! He's okay! No, he's dead. He's definitely dead. But a sense of humor, nonetheless. Fuck man. What did you do to Dillon Francis. Nothing. I just got him drunk On what?! Cyanide? Okay, I don't even know what that is. He's a corpse. –but a pretty one. C'mon. Be serious. I can't. Why not. It's hilarious, kinda. This isn't funny. No, it's hilarious. He earned it. He “earned” it? Well, yes– He is dead. I mean, it's a long story; but he brought it upon himself, honestly. “Honestly” Please. PLease. Please. No, I said. PLEASE. I SAID NO. What's this story. That's ten. I win. Fuck. DILLOn WAkE UP. *smacks* ahah. I think it's working I think he's waking up. He's not waking up. He must be. He's laughing. He's not laughing He said “haha' *smacks* haha . See. *smacks* Mm. This shit smacks HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKSSSS. Oh shit, is this the 90s. HONEY SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKSSS. *slams* GIMMIE MY HONEY SMACKS. That's it. There's no more. AW, COME ON. Sorry, that's all there is. WHAT. But yu can have captain crunch. I DON'T WANT CAPTAIN CRUNCH. I WANT HONEY SMACKS. I'm sorry, there are no more Honey Smacks. You can have Captain Crunch, or Shredded Wheat. GRAMPA Shredded Wheat is MY favorite. Ugh. Mm. Honey Smacks. I HATE YOU. Be nice to your brother. Lol. Everything about Dillon's eyes makes him devastating. Who plays tiny Dillon? I don't know. There are like nine in the script. It shouldn't be hard to cast. We'll go to utah. Fucking. I hate Utah. WELCOME TO UTAH. Nice. Alright, well, what other grounds are there to cover, here? DILLOn FRANCIS I am not doing this project. Of course you are–it's in your contract. What contract. The one you signed. Which–no–I didn't. But you did. SUNNI BLU I got you a drink. DILLON FRANCIS That looks fruity. SUNNI BLU Try it. DILLON FRANCIS *sips* DILLON FRANCIS CONT'D What's in this. Just– drink it. SUNNI BLU Don't look at me like that. DILLOn FRANCIS Like what. SUNNI BLU Do you need a mirror? DILLON FRANCIS I– SUNNI BLU Look down. DILLON FRANCIS *does* SUNNI BLU *flicking nose* Made you look. haha . DILLOn FRANCIS Wow. [takes drink] SUNNI BLUThat's the spirit. But literally there's a mirror between your feet, if you need one. [there literally is] SUNNI BLU CONT'D The floor is made of mirrors DILLOn FRANCIS *suddenly inebriated* Oh wow. SUNNI BLU The whole club turns into a disco ball. DILLON FRANCIS *suddenly very inebriated* That's–convenient. SUNNI BLU It is. SHIA DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS. If my dreams were not just dreams, everyone in here would have a lawsuit against me. A lot of us do. Carry on, then. SKRILLEX BLAIGH. Oh shit, its you again. I swear to God, I thought I killed this nigga. Are you sure it was him? SKRILLEX !!!! No. Alright, i've almost got it. Almost got what. This whole– thing. Oh. –and–it's gone. Really, that quick. I don't think you understand what's happening. You're right, i don't understand what's happening at all. Oh shit. I'm deadmau5. Nice. Fuck it, lets do some trolling. Alright alright. BUT FIRST, COFFEE. Fuck dude, I don't think I should have anymore coffee. Too late. deadmau5. ok . Deadmau5. Nice. D–0 DOn'T D o THis, I'M WARNING YOU. …. If you open that portal, there's no going back. *opens portal* Now you've done it. *goes into portal* Fuck. *portal closes neatly* *facepalm* *entire series of cosmos collapse in the great distance–time begins to stretch and bend uncontrollably* Come on, just let me lick the balls. NO. I'll give you a cookie. well … OH my GAWD. What. Come here, you have to see this. What the fuck is that. I don't know. Should i pick it up? No, don't touch it! He picked it up. Oh, gross. What is this. I don't know. I think it's fanfiction. Who wrote it. Idk. somefangirl. Fangurl. FaNGiRls. Well, Hey, at least i'm not a groupie. OH COME ON, JUST LET ME SUCK IT. GET AWAY FROM ME. PLEASE. i'LL GIVE YOU $40. -well. NOW, A COMMERCIAL BREAK. Since when does this show have commercials. It doesn't. I want to talk to Jimmy Fallon. That's–not happening. Why not. JIMMY FALLON BECAUSE I HAVE A CONTRACT WITH NBC. There he is– Nice. JIMMY FALLON YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I AM A FAMILY MAN, OKAY. Is that like Family Guy? By Chance?! SETH MCFARLENE (with super long hair) *crossing fingers* I'm hoping so. JIMMY FALLON Not even close! SETH MCFARLENE *snaps* Dammit. Oh, I get it. It's like–The Cofffee run Which “coffee run” THE coffee run. We'll have to admit, it's probably the most watched coffee run of all time. Of all of them. You know what? Fuck it, fire me. I'm doing this show. What?! JImmy. Why on EARTH would you ever agree to something like this. JIMMY FALLON THE COSMIC AVENGER Because–it's my duty. Yo. You know that song that everybody knows? You know the song because everybody knows this song. It goes: Lovin you– is easy cause youre beautiful. do - do- do - do- do- do- do… Yeah. You know that song. But you probably don't know who sings it. I'll tell you who sings it. That song is by an artist called Minnie Ripperton. That's a mouthful. Yeah, one hell of a name, huh. Well, that's the lady who sings the song. It's Minnie Riperton. Now, let me tell you something else you probably don't know: Something I probably wouldn't know if I wasn't a DJ But i know this, because I'm a DJ AND MAYA RUDOLPH WAUT A MINUTE. What the fuck, Maya Rudoph, are you doing in my bathroom at 5 AM It's 1:15 in the afternoon. I'm a DJ. It's 5 AM. That's making sense. I know it is. What's not making sense. Is why you're in my bathroom drinking a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. So it is. *slurps milkshake* *sitting on toilet* *slurps* What do you want. You want to know what I want? Apparently, a milkshake. It's a strawberry milkshake. OK. OK. OK so what. Finish the script. –What? Fuck dude, how does this song sound good every time? Congratulations, you've gone entirely insane. beep-boop . [DJ] B00p beep. [Music Producer] Beep-beep. 0.c. Do not fall dangerously in love; Do not pass go Do not collect $200 Or any of it For any reason, For any of it For any of them Just keep it pushin; Just keep it private Just hold it all in and Do not let go Do not fall in love Do not pass go Do not unload Do not walk Do not cross here Do not It smells like butter. But you're vegan. I know. Do you think you're having a stroke. God, I fucking hope so. GOD You WHAT. I want to die. GOD I thought i heart you right. You heard me right–a THOUSAND times. I want to die. Take me out of this life. GOD Not until you make dubstep. WHAT. GOD You gotta make a grammy-winning dubstep album. I what. GOD Or at least nominated. No, I don't. GOD Beg your pardon. I'm not begging. GOD What are you getting at, hon? Look; Am I not one with the source? GOD Uhm–you are. Alright, Then: everything is everything. GOD Yes. And everyone is everyone. GOD This is true. So i'm Skrillex. GOD Skrillex is Skrillex So I Am. GOD … And I already won a grammy. GOD … Like a bunch of them, right. GOD Uh. So technically– GOD YOu know what. I can't argue with that logic. This isn't ableton. No. This is Logic. What the fuck. That's not Serato. No, that's Rekordbox. What the fuck is this. These are CDJs. There's no hot cues! What the fuck is a “HOT CUE” This is not food. What the fucking sauce. I'm warning you, Pasquale. Get off my lawn. THIS IS MY HOUSE. Your house it is not. *House music starts blasting* *lasers* sprinklers* dancers* WHAT THE FUCK. It's voice activated, I just– How did you do this?! What. WHAT DID YOu DO. AND WHEN. I don't know! I just took the delorean, like you said. You were supposed to find Dillon Francis. I did! The problem was, when I found the right one, he was dead! What? He's dead? Presumably! What do you mean by that!? It's a long story! WELL, HOW LONG? SUNNI BLU About as long as my dick! WHO IS THAT. I told you it's a long story. Well, let me in! Sorry Pasquale. No Can do. What. Why not. Cause you're on a federal watch list. What. Yeah. Sorry. Wait… You should probably leave before the feds get here. What? Unless you want to stay and party on the lawn but–not recommended. This is bizarre. The police arrive, surrounding Pasquale on the yard–moving in to arrest him. WAIT. SUPACREE turns away from the window; inside, a room full of her aliases sit looking somewhat miserably; SUPACREE!!! [Pasquale is handcuffed and i dragged off of the lawn] SUPACREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Careless, Acoustic–deadmau5 SUPACREE pours a bowl of captain crunch, taking one colossal bite and sits down in THE CONTROL ROOM at a large computer console; inhaling from a can of nitrous oxide. I'm the worst DJ ever. SUPACREE places the fames deadmau5 helmet atop her head and begins working at the computer promptly, clicking away; Now is deadmau5 I don't even know what key this song is in. MEOWINGTONS, Alive and well purrs and stretches, then settles atop SUPACREE/deadmau5's lap. This is insane. I don't know what's happening. END CREDITS. V. O. Lovin' You, Minnie Ripperton Carless, deadmau5 idk how i'm gonna mix that. Trust me. Anything can be mixed. Anything. [When it] Turns out, The bottom of your heart Was the tip of the Ice Berg And the whole ship has [s]unk[en], [&] I[t]'s probably ice cold At the bottom of the ocean; I'll tell you where i'm from Why, I'll tell you anything for About one dollar Turns out, I've already got one eye on you; One eye'd sad heart I should probably roll out my art on you [I probably should not] One man bought a kiss, Another, a whole night from her– One man bought a whole farm The other, a Whole Foods Market –and you can't even franchise those Amazon's got a monopoly We were playing for corners of earth, All i got was some kandi, Subscriptions to candidly, Actually, I really liked the tree trial (I think i'll wait a week, sorry) When it turns out The world that you wanted Was actually hours already The dollar you got Was also borrowed And the money they wanted and got Was just actually stolen from someone else They bought all the food up And sold it for profits I promise this avocado Once costs nothing at all But you wanted that car for your daughter She's got a mercedes and don't even drive it My mom, on my honor Of all the garages in Lost Lands, I promise the owner of it was The first to go last, And the last to come home Now he's on his own alter And also the worshiper; How do you go back? Oh, you don't Oh you don't Oh, you don't wanna know that But i was of course, All of your rock bottoms It's bottoms and tops, and We don't let the top fall over, We're counting up crumbs And this muffin costs $24 dollars Pour a whole bottle of coconut water out on the sidewalks For the dead homies Not dead in the general sense But just in the head, the heart, And the soul The homeless are happier at McDonalds Than asking at crossroads and crosswalks For dollars I'd rather spend elsewhere I'll avoid the power struggle at operations for about 18 dollars and 56 sense (Please, keep the pennies) I'm feeling around in my 6th sense that there's Something indecent, or decadent Whichever it is Cause i'm better of with the memory of it Than actually dragging it in. –I'm a cat again. Ouch. Shut up. It HURTS. Of course it hurts, you just had heart surgery without any anistetics. YEah, but to be fair–that was a lot of acid. Yes, but lucily for you– –or, for him– Lucily for us, there's no lethal amount of acid. –Ouch– –Shut up. That we know of. George Washington John Adams Thomas Jefferson James Monroe Nope, can't for the life of me remember the 5th Oh shit, I was wrong Turns out, my memory only can hold three. That's a good number I really wish you'd stop just–showing up like this. I never leave. Then go away. I live here. I know you'd like to think that, but– Okay, I'm going to tell you something but I need you to remain calm. What time is it? I don't care Are we gonna make a movie? Depends; is it gonna make me money. FINE. I don't need anymore information about anything else: only these three. Are you serious? I wish I wasn't. I need you to do this. Look, Timmy–I'm not really into grantng wishes anymore. It always blows back on me. A blowjob. Uh huh. That's why you're bothering me. I–would rather you just pick up the call. Take a message. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like that. Like that. I like ‘em like this. I like ‘em like that. I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. And I like ‘em like this. –and I like ‘em like that. Mmm like this Like that. Like — _____ The urge to eat had suddenly left me I wanted a burrito, (But I want to eat red meat) I've gotta stop thinking in sequences and parentheses Complex lines, and writing in past tense so presently. I probably should eat (But probably shouldn't…) I'm starting to bleed; As if i'd been fasting Perhaps, though I had been But had so indulgently feasted On calories enough to last me Till after today (or even till next week) PAY ATTENTION. Woah, to WHAT. Holy shit, I knew this dude was a psychopath but. This is real. ARE YOU SEEING THIS. I “see” it. I should stop meditating in public. You see this? I know everything about you. Why? I bought it on the internet. What is it. Metadata. That's…flattering. Yeah. Wake up. Why, where are we going? Atlanta. What's in Atlanta? You see this? Yes. Do you know what it is? Uh, it's a– What is it? It's a doll. It's not a doll. Oh, it's not. Gimmie a dollar. -_- It's a poppit. “Dr pimple popper” Ew that's fucking gross. I hate this. Let me see. Does s/he have backne? Yes/No. Great, i'll take it. Fuckit. Okay, I got to “whatever”. You went too far. What? I thought I was supposed to go past “fuckit” Yeah, you go past fuckit, I did that! But if you get to “whatever”, you've gone too far. You've gotta go back. Back to WHAT. There was almost no space between “fuckit” and “whatever” Oh trust me. There is. So? This is how he's been controlling you. And? And!? Has it ever occurred to you that I want to be controlled? What! That it just takes the right person to get that kind of permission– permission to what Permission to ride. … Maybe I gave him the reigns. What horse “gives” its rider the reigns. Who said anything about a horse?! Another Horse Mix. Nice. fuck . FYCK. I told you. You know what…Maybe that's my poppit. What. Maybe. I'm so confused. Oh, good–the reversal spell worked. You did a reversal spell on me? Only after I found out what spell you put on ME–FIRST. Yeah, except I wasn't the first one to use that spell on you. EXACTLY. COPY-CAT. Moo. Aww. I'm a cat. … *face* I mean “meow” That's right. Cat. …moo. *face* Lookie here boys: What is it? –I'm leaving. Oh, you're gonna wanna hear this. What. I found the first “whites only” water fountain since 1962. Okay, what do you want? A deal. Oh, I'll give you a deal. Cash up front. [He presents a one dollar bill] Is this enough. [beat] Where are you going with this? Nowhere, fast. YO. What now, dude. SHE'S ONTO US. I doubt that. Look at this. I highly doubt– *gaaassp* Shenanigans! You know what I like about you, Ariana? Everything. Hah. Hm. You know how to keep a secret. I don't know what you're talking about. Exactly. *rolls eyes, flips hair.* Well, here's another one for you. –Another what? This is how my darkness becomes your darkness. I already have enough on my own. I know. You don't know. Only God knows. MOM! Don't ask me again. This is heavy, Doc. What is it? The soup! It's too heavy. Too much cream? Way too much! I have a meeting! Meeting with who? The Hollywood People. When? Soon–what time is it? I don't know. Dammit! Why don't you have any clocks in your house? I only just recently remembered what a clock was. Oh! Here. [God produces a small pocket watch and presents it to him; it's nearly noon on EARTH; But the two are sharing a meal of course in the famed kitchen of the Creator in the TImeless VOID.] Ah, Jesus Christ! He's not here… I'm gonna be late. Now, now; You know I wouldn't let that happen– [a smug look| Hugs and Kisses. [As they embrace, he disappears into a mist of light and stardust, fading away from the void and into the exterior world; he realizes God has slipped him the watch; he flips it open to reveal the time: it is now 11:44] Amazing. V.O. Now you won't wait so long to visit. [He places the wach in his pocket and walks into the studio] MICHAEL J. FOX has been asked to reprise his role as MARTY MCFLY many times before; But never for a project like this. ____ Meanwhile, What am I going to do with you? [The Festival Project.™] YOU'RE DEAD TO ME! –I'm dead to everyone! Don't do this. You wanted to come to the other side. No, I didn't. We'll you're here anyway; Might as well stay awhile. With eyes like burning fire And saddles for the riders The horse begins to gallop (or the horses, rather) On the mark to beating drums To move them forward faster What the fuck is this. idk. Kx5. *-* !_! Here u go Wat is this. it's a dragon. Oh, thats nice. Ya. Whats it do. Idk. dragon things. ok. Don't put it in ur bathroom. Why. idrk. Hm. † Hey. Ugh–No, Kaskade, go away. It's me, Ryan! No, Get out! I'm No† Ka–k (gags) –skade! Gross! It's just Ryan! I promise! NO. GET OUT. Lmfao. Right. This show is fantastic. Who was that. Fucking–Kaskade again! Are you sure. Ugh. Looks like Ryan. Kaskade is Kaskade. {shrugs] Dudes a creep. “Kaskade Ruins Lives” Is this the same episode as before? Eventually, yes. Wasn't I doing something Are you goona let this go? Um. Well I'm fucked. Why, what happened. Obsidian. That should do Unsobsidian. Okay, i'm fucked, Well, what's this? An Oreo Cookie. I mean, sitting next to it. Oh, its a portal gun. Raves are not just raves– A party is not simply a “party” –These big festivals –they're diversions. –DIstractions. Distractions from what. If you were supposed to know, –you'd know. it wouldn't be so important that you go. Why is it? These ancient rituals… It's occult magic. They've got it down to a science. The government funds this. The government funds everything. WoooooooW. It's not really a secret, if you can google it. ‘-complications.' I'm lost somewhere, gone HIppopatamus feeling quite off in the galaxies, galavanting Gazing at Daisies Aces and spades Gone from Heaven to Hades for days On the A– Adjacent Recently dismantling adjectives, Lampshades and matching curtains God it hurts, every day that I think about you; But how can i be about you when You don't even see me, do you Signature consignments, Wrong environments and irony is, I wasn't invited– –but invented it WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Great, now I have to explain myself. You don't have to. What's this space for? Oh, that's the red room. [The Red Room] Well, obviously, but– But what? What's it for? I don't think anybody should read this. HEY. Participation Only– Oh! No peeking! You ever feel like you're doing too much? Yeah, but not for money. Look, we have them surrounded. Our best course of action is to– deadmau5 . What? No– DEADMAU5. Well, are you sure it was a mouse and not a rat? It was a mouse. I know the difference. Do you, though? Look, I've lived in Mexico and New York City. So. In Queens. Oh. That's mathematically impossible. I mean it's not–impossible. No, it's not just impossible. It's mathematically impossible. Has it ever occurred to you that the DJ World in entirety exists outside of the realm of math and science? What is this. Just–enjoy the rave. No. What is this. Look at the firewoooorkkks! Woo EDC… NO. What is this right here. BEFORE: Hey, you still got that balloon? Yeah. Lemme see it. Dude, what are you doing? …I'mma go catch me a DJ. THIS IS NUTS. I can't feel my face. What do you call this? Collateral Damage. Look, I'm going to have to take frequent trips to the bathroom. ok . And–uhh– and. Uhh– Why did you call me over here. Cause i can. Look. this is not magic. This is not science. This is not “voodoo” Voodoo is magic. It's just music. W H E R E D I D H E G O O O O O I don't know. Fuck dude, I fucked up. Once again– Of course you did. What did you do this time? I might have evaporated someone with my fat fucking bass. Nice. Way to go. Yeah. Wait. … Did you just say. HE JUST He deserted me. SO WAIT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HERE? ALRIGHT, WHO THREW A ROCKSTAR IN MY TENT? JEFF Alright, lets go. WHO DID THIS. So what's this place. Lets not let this conversation resurface. This is a 21 Plus Event. What about VIP VIP is 25 Plus. What about that place. Sorry kids. [NO ENTRY] We gotta get in there. So then they wanted an Encore. Did you give them an encore? NO, i was already at my hotel room. Then how did you know that they wanted an encore? WHICH IS IT, THE WYNN, OR THE ENCORE. FUCK, I DON'T REMEMBER. Please, who stays at the Encore for EDC? Have you literally never been out with rich people? No, I literally just got rich. Oh, nice. So, wait, like– Here we go. Dillon Francis has just always been rich? Uh-huh. And Skrillex has always been rich? Yes. Definitely. And deadmau5. deadmau5 is Canadian. OH MY GOD. W E L C O M E I'm going to need your absolute discretion about this. Alright. Sign this waiver. …this is a…pretty heavy packet. I'll wait. I've never signed an NDA like that in my life. Lil' biiiiiiiiiiiiiitzzzz Can we just admit it's weird that we live in an era where “NDA” is household jargon. And like, everyone knows what it means. Everyone knows what an NDA is. I appreciate the sentiments Isn't it weird how it sets in automatically? Autopilot, go. Aww, i don't want to be Autopilot. You're on autopilot. I don't really have to think about it anymore, I'll have to sleep on it Wear a white t-shift, Hear the applause of the audience, Eat it You wanna know what I think? You want to know what I'm drinking? You know what I need? An Icee, (cause I see you typing) An awful Omnipotence A God of Mirages No more carbohydrates, I gotta get all thin; Forgot to acknowledge Whether or not i'm turning this off soon I are. I…”are” I are. Infinite Reality. OH. I. R. IR! IR! IRV I ARE. Suddenly, I remember the taste of talcum powder As If I were Moving backwards In time, Like, Why, God on earth would My mom let me try that, But if i'm honest, Fuck man, I hate deadmau5– There's just too much in here. Beep boop. I love deadmau5. It's so simple. What is this, MATH?! THIS IS AERODYNAMICS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE AERO DYNAMICS DId you mean what you said about that? I meant everything I said. Goddammit, fuck this, I was in the middle of a really complex poem In realtime, listening to deadmau5 Having a partially out of body spiritual experience, Entirely fucking sober FACEPALM BLŪ 8facepalming dramatically in frustration* NOBODY IS EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN ANY OF THIS. beepboop. YO. Oh, I forgot my open form poetry, or my mom How my mom once allowed me to gnaw on talcum powder But who can blame her That was a hard one It was a past life And now ive Got Another One HOly shit what version of the cube is this. 1D. What. You'll get it. Wait. Have you ever stopped for a minute to think– I can't stop for a minute, especially just to “think” [Literally stops for a minute to think.] No fucking way, uh-uh. Come on, man. No. I ain't time travelin' wit deadmau5. Come on– NO. –that someone else has already figured all of this out and that's how any of it is possible in the first place. Alright, i'm gonna need some mind-altering drugs for this. What are you doing. Voluntary Ego Death. I– Wait. Why would you. Get out of my brain. I am your brain. Take care, now. Holy shit, it seems like she's getting more evil. That's because she's definitely more evil ALRIGHT, I'M TIRED OF THIS: WHERE IN THE FUCK IS SKRILLEX. MEANWHILE INT. IN THE FUCK. DAY. *rings doorbell* AT YOUR MOM'S HOUSE. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME. I'm not joking, that's…literally the answer to your question. Oh. Fuck. What dude. We gotta go back. I left the keys in the pocket of the guy I shapeshifted into. Are you serious? It's fine, he can't have gone too far, dude. What do you mean he “left the dimension” He entered a portal. He– wait, excuse me. A portal. A “portal”, dude? Yeah; a portal. What do you mean “a portal” A portal, like— you know, like a portal gun, but not a portal gun, just a portal. Uh huh. Excuse us for a second. What the fuck is this dude talking about? I don't know, man. Humans don't use portals! I know man. What the fuck! Well, wait—how do we know that guy is human. He looks human. Yeah dude but, we look human. Duh! Cause we shifted! Yeah, but, how do we know he's not a shifter. Because, dude, I know a shifter when I see one. Yeah, but—you know, what if he's really good. I highly doubt that. Why? Cause I'm the best. No, I am. Exactly, so we'd know if it was another shifter–cause we're the best shifters! Well, let's at least try to see if he knows anything else about those guys. They were together right? I hope not. No, not like that—like Okay, okay, whatever, let's just… Wait, where'd he go? Excuse me. What up. There was just another guy over here just now— He was like—you know—normal looking guy Tie die* shirt Yeah. Did you see him. Yeah, I saw him. Alright, cool, where'd he go? He left. What?! That was fast! Yeah, well…it happens. Are you sure? Yes. *actually is shifter* [as they walk away, the shifter shifts, and then vanishes into a random portal.] Awww, dammit, Now we're never gonna find this guy. Never say never. Whatever, we're dead. We're always dead. Yeah, but like in modern human slang terms Oh, yeah, that. Anyways, I gotta relieve this human's bladder. I fucking hate this species for this. It is useless. *enters portal potty* [ Wait, whatever actually did happen to Dillon Francis? That's great, I was just getting to that. 19 Pages. Nice. …no, 12. What. [11:12] Okay, I'm gonna kill him. Oh, I banished him. With my fists. Nice. Tits. Nice tits. Thx. Hey man. Hey what. Remember that smudge on the lens. Yeah. It just got bigger. … did you try vinegar instead of Windex. Yes. –IT'S NOT A SMUDGE. Did you try Windex with Vinegar. –IT'S NOT A– Shut up. I'm. So. Hungry. Look, do you want this, or not? Do you feel like any of this is a coincidence? Just quit, it. Dillon Francis. WHERE IS IT? I don't know. Lets kick this up a notch. ILLUMINATI What do you want? … I want the full package. ILLUMINATI Okay, I'm gonna need specifics. How do you even get a job as a courier for the illuminati? [INDEED.COM | ILLUMINATI - COURIER- URGENTLY HIRING] Hm. It was a pretty specific list. I don't even get the point of a barbeque if everyone is vegan Well, The Mayor eats fish. Oh please, where is THAT guy the Mayor of? I don't know. We meet in the Matrix. This is for you. Oh. Do you like it? I– It's not a brothel! It's Member's Only! YOu BUY a Membership. Yeah. And WOMEN. HEy, MAN, YOU CAN BUY DUDES, TOO. SHHH. Oh no. What. What did you do? I gave her my credit card. The Heavy One? Yes, and– “AND” –access to the black market. Cool, I got it. Oh, another auction. Of course another auction. What'd you buy this time? A lifesize deadmau5 bobblehead. What are you gonna do with that? Wouldn't you like to know. Ok, gross. LIL BIIIIIIIITXXXX I love a good deamau5 show. He really does have the best fans, It's a comfortable, safe space. Very inviting. Everyone is happy. What the fuck, dude, this place is a sausage fest. Yeah, that's deadmau5 for ya. Hey, I'm looking for this shithead. Oh, that dude? Yeah, have you seen him? Fuck, I wish this never happened. LIL BIIIIITz If you don't know who deadmau6* is– GET OUT. Jk. but seriously this is easily the most devastating person i've ever seen. Maybe just to me, but. Are you sure that's the right guy? Yeah, that's gotta be him. Is he wearing glasses? Ugh. Oh wait. Damn. ‘Fuck, it is my sapiosexuality, I think' Even if it was perhaps an error, as I might have more than needed a new pair of glasses myself, just the thought of Joel in a pair of specables was suddenly and immediately the equivalent of Dillon Francis sitting down at a piano, or Sonny doing just about literally anything–and I realized, finally, that the most indecent things about myself were quite possibly only happening inside my own mind– Okay, my body does really weird things to this dude's music. Are you sure this is real? No. I love this. Just shut up and do your job. What a nightmare. PLease HElP ME. Hm. That can't be right. What. This translates to H E L P M E Oh, shit, I gotta go. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm always working. Shouldn't you be working right now? I'm at work. Well, that was nice and all, but–I gotta get out of here. Where are you going? To shoot myself. Wow, that's one hell of a smile. Just–take it. I'm sorry, i can't accept this. What is even happening in this series? Like, a lot WOULD YOU KIDS SETTLE DOWN. *not settling down* *lil biiiiiiiitz* You know what I wonder? I wonder this I'm sober. I'm just sober sally over here. I didn't get sober. I just am. Cause i'd rather face the pain of this harsh reality with a bite than to dull it out and then wake up in the morning Or–just–whenever– To wake up whenever and be like “OH NO, THIS IS WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE” And the shock of it is so horrible that I just have to repeat that cycle again. ‘OH NOOOOOO” *gets faded* “It's all goooooood” No, it isn't. But i choose to stay like that cause it's like a It's not even a happy medium, It's more like a median-medium But you know what? It makes happier moments more happy And shitter moments less shitty Because i don't have this like drastic spacial Augmented reality or like smoke screen of emotional apathy. I get to feel things way more intensely. I don't have to wonder, ever “oh , did that just happen, cause I was messed up” Or like “would it have happened this way if I was sober” At all. I'm just level– No false sense of Pretty much anything. But i do wonder, though– Like, for people who weren't always sober, and then GOT sober– like , what's the breaking point What's the tip? I always have to sit back and wonder “What did you DO?” Cause you know it had to be something if suddenly “I don't drink anymore” I always wonder, and it's like– no disrespect or anything thing but… I really wanna hear that story. lol . I know you don't wanna tell it (if you can) But wanna hear it. Cause from my point of view. IT's probably hilarious. I know. I'm a dick. Holy shit. What is that. Looks like pasquale went all out with the fireworks this year. …is that a penis? WELCOME HOME It's a giant dick- in-the-sky! GOD IS REAL! JESUS Look, so i've been having second thoughts about this whole thing. What the fuck man. You gotta stop doing shit like this. JESUS I literally can't. I know, but. Okay, look. I'm not writing any of that. You've gotta tell him. NO, RYAN. WELL, WHY NOT. BECAUSE, RYAN. WHY. DEADMAU5 ISN'T REAL. Damn, am I in here. Nice. Of course I am. Well, how'd that happen. This is like a sea of cellphones. Perfect. It was a red car; I wasn't all there, And if you want her, You can have her Fuck. What. I forgot the rest of the verse. It's ok. We gotta move on. No, I gotta go back. For what. For my fans. Aw. What's this. IT's a ceramic mug. Wow, that's nice. I made it Wait. You made that?! Yeah. With your hands?! Yeah. Why would you do that? For you. What. I made it for you? Like, you thought of me first, then you made it? Yeah. WHY? Cause i love you! WOW. Fans are awesome OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *Sometimes. *vomits* … *dies* … *godlessness* [Devastating DJ Moments] I don't get it dawg, all this shit is in your music particles?! “Music particles” UGH. what . That's it. Don't be smart around me. Uh. I'm not smart? No, that won't work; sarcasm is a sign of deeper intelligence. “Sorry” Stop saying that. This is America. S– Don't say it again. Apology not accepted. Don't look at me like that. Like what. With your face. *face* Quick: Say something stupid and random. …I like anime. Oh good, that worked. Thanks. Where are you going? Idk somewhere else. Really, that's it? Yeah. That's all you have to say/ That's literally it. Are you seeing this. Yes. So what's the problem. Oh no, she's stuck in a loop. Throw the whole fan away. [DELETE] Did it work. Did what work. Oh, good. Cool. Wait. See ya later. Did what work? I wish i could just forget about this. Everything? Yeah. Look, this is between me and God–okay? GOD Don't drag me into this. You dragged ME into this! GOD Right. So i could get OUT; So don't drag me back in. Fuck, I remember this. I must have done something important here. Like what. Look, I love you. Great, now what do we do? Bury the body, I guess. *shrugs* Wait, what happened? Somebody dies. OKay, me first. Other Three: Who wants to go next. *still in shock* Fuck man, told you this was a long ass story. *Crying* I'm ruined. What! You went broke? No, i'm still a filthy rich millionaire. I thought you were a billionaire. I am I just *snifs* sometimes I forget that happened. “Sometimes I forget I'm a billionaire” I got to admit, man, I did it to myself. I'm not mad, or anything, but now there's just–certain things I can't do Oh, like what. Not that song. What, why not? You said “anything but Skrillex” this is not Skrillex, this is deadmau5. What's the difference? Okay, that's like saying “What's the difference between deadmau5' and my music?” No, it isn't. How is that not different? That's like comparing the music of Bach and Beethoven to the music of a tattooed hedgehog. You think I look like a hedgehog. No, it's just when I see you and a hedgehog I have all the same thoughts, turn this off. NO, i like this song. Seriously, Dillon Francis, turn it off. I'm gonna turn it up instead. I do not highly recommend doing that. Or at all. This ship has amazing subs. Should I bass boost this song. NO, PROBABLY NOT. Oh, why not? Dillon Francis, I'm warning you, stop. OH HOW COME BECAUSE WHY? BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A HEDEHOG NO, BECAUSE I ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP AT THIS *DROP* [INSTANTLY FALLS ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL–ACTIVATES HYPERSPACE– PLUMMETS SHIP INTO BLACK – HOLE. ohhhhh . What a hoe. Nice, that's a whole episode. Well, here's a bonus scene or whatever. Shazam, what is this. SHAZAM …i don't know. What do you mean you don't know. SHAZAM *panicing* IDONNO WHAT DO YOU MEAN– SHAZAM IDON. NO. OOOOOOOOOOOO Is this deadmau5. I'm not sure. Sounds like deadmau5. It sure does. This is pretty Ooh. it sparkles. yeah , it's deadmau5. How does she KNOW. I need a deadmau5 machine like right now. I know where to find that. Fuck dude, everything's gonna be half-ass until I push out this album. You can't rush it. Trust the process. I can't focus. Oh shit, wasn't this in the last episode? Yeah. I'm still writing backwards. God, what is that, like a pipe organ. WHAT SYNTH IS THIS. Doesn't matter, I just need one. That's it. I know what I'm going to spend my Jimmy Fallons On. And What's that? V.O. OOh. Are we Montaging–to deadmau5? [MONTAGE: deadmau5] Nice. I love a good montage. I love deadmau45* AHH OH NO. I love deadmau5. I keep making typos and I keep forgetting to delete that parallel where. fuckit. That's the synth I've always wanted. It's on sale for $999 At Sam Ash But…you only have Five JImmy Fallons. There are only five special edition in this Volume The Jimmy Fallon 555's I don't know how many volumes there are, but this is the Volume I started keeping track. Fuck, man. I miss Equinox. It's just Eucalyptus. They also have an outdoor running track where you get the best ever view of midtown manhattan. How do you know it's the best ever view of Midtown manhattan. Because it's on a running track. STOP WHISTLING IN MY WHOOP=WHOOPS. The JImmy Fallon 555s are marked with the standard Jimmy Fallon in black ink With a simple side marker of the number 555 in red And also in red, a telephone number on the back. But–that synthesizer is One Thousand Jimmy Fallons. Yeah. So I only need Nine Hundred Ninety Five More. And of course, the Eye of Providence is highlighted. Also Standard. V.O. I always highlight that. Cause, you know… “Illuminati” These are fake. No they're not! They're counterfeit, sorry. No they're not! They're authentic! Why the fuck does this matter so much? You know. What is it with this dude. If it was a snake, it would've bit ya. It was a snake. And it did bite me. He's so increasingly beautiful to me, And I'm still in love with his friend, or misrepresented masterpiece, Progression of a monster, or procession of a superstar, but Something in the story sparks the thought of All we are is consciousness, of course Awkward in body, but of constellations Cosmos, It's not just a corpse; It's all got love in it, Absurd, and sipping carbonated syrup, but I'm just sitting in my stirrups, Here comes galloping a horse, Of course, it hurts to turn it off For just a moment And remember That i'm just a homeless, Stuck and sitting up at night Writing recourse, hugging learning curves in ableton, Curving curses, been reminded that I'm worthless In a thousand words or less, Or just another form of torture, Nothing said, but all that's done Another day another dollar, But it's not It's Jimmy Fallon. I thought this was enter the multiverse. Are you ready to go. No. A hand on my shoulder So paifully socially awkward, I grow stretchmarks, don't know what to call them But scars, But the uglier ones, I've thought Are invisible, Somewhat– To the naked eye Or just anyone Not tiger stripes But one, an eye of horus Carved above my right And inside my lip, (The bottom one) A raised scar in the shape of a sythe I probably died by the hands of a man named Starr So it's hard to shrug it off, And 555 is just a number But it's not It's another scar, It's a punishment For loving him. What's on the back. It's…a number. What number? A telephone number. What. Like a 1-800 Number Call it. I love deadmau5. Something about a big, giant smiling robotic mouse that lights up and sparkles. Why? I don't know. I'm like 5. I see deadmau5 i'm like “WHEEEEEEE” My hands go up in the air “AHHHHHH! YAYYYYY” I'm so stupid. It's so stupid. But you know what? It makes me feel good. I'm not gonna lie. I love it. And by the time I even figured out what deadmau5 was I was so late to the party that I had to make up for lost time. I listened to deadmau5 doing EvErYThING. Everything you could possibly imagine. Well–Except one. Wait, how long have you been cellibate? Forever, probably. Fuck, what happened in here? I don't know. Everything's broken. My head My heart. Everything. Get up, Dillon Francis. Fuck, what happened. You sent us through a black hole. And we crashed on a random ass planet. Fuck, that sucks. YOu suck, Dillon Francis. Ugh. Now get up. Everything's fucked up. SUPERSTAR DJ I'm a paradox. I've got a box of skeletons in my closet i'm not ready to part with. I had a heart attack; I had a heart once, But lately it goes in my pocket; Or my right hand, When I wake up From a dream land, From a long hug From a nice man In a t-shirt KASKADE This is God's PLAN. RYAN, GET FUCKED. 800-799-7233 Did you call the number. Yeah. What is it. [National Domestic Violence Hotline] Woah. That was a long bonus scene. Well, Now here's a PSA. AND A PSA? YES. A PSA. You know what the fucked up thing about all this is, The Legend of Supacree is a true story. All of it. ALL OF IT?! ALL OF IT!? YES. Even the part about– YES. Especially that part. Woah. Damn. I think i'm gonna be sick. Shut up, Dillon Francis. No, but seriously– This is the story of how I got my heart broken so bad. YOU RUINED IT. So, so bad– I HATE YOU. That i started singing about it. NSA, totally *not spying* …are you hearing this. Yes. ILLUMINATI Check this out. Another one down. And how when you start making music– What is this. it's hoe math. And that music actually comes from a really real place. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. really real shit starts happening. You–killed yourself. well , to be fair–I lost everything first. Congratulations. Thx. Here's a skrillex. WHT. Kbye. Really, really, really. What, the fuck Dillon Francis, crawled inside of you to live and made it'self at home? Idon'tknow. What is in this sauce? Just–kill him. What, i can't just. Just kill him, while nobody is watching. Please don't kill me. Shut up, man. I'm having a thought process. Okay, that's it. FUCK DILLON FRANCIS. That's the spirit. THAT IS THE SPIRIT. IT'S THE HOLY SPIRIT. Who the fuck is this. It's–Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ? Jesus Christ?! JESUS CHRIST i'M BACK, MOTHERFUCKER. Wait, are you claiming that the second coming of the messiah is upon us?! YES. Well,Technically, it's the third. And it's all because of Dillon Francis?! I Please stop this HATE Help YOU. Fuck, dude. I know, huh. What did he DO. The third?! How did we miss that?! Uh, you didn't. [HITLER, being HITLER] (he was mad) Okay, that's it. You can't write any of this. Uh, I can. I just did. Technically, I'm dead: this is just a voiceover It's an 80's style PSA You can't say Hitler was the messiah. That's offensive. Everything is offensive. FUCK YOU DILLON. I'msosorry NOTYETYOU'RENOT. Wait, whatever happened to Skrillex. SKRILLEX is waiting outside of the alleged home of SUPACREE's “distant relatives” Lol is he for real at her mom's house. well , to be fair, he's like–looked everywhere else. Ur right. That was a lot of dimensions. So. like. Fuck, i didn't even have that much coffee. It just goes on forever. [DILLON FRANCIS STILL HAS HOTSAUCE IN HIS PUDGY LITTLE EYES] Good. Cause if I see the pupils, i'm wasting him. You think you can do better than this. Better than this? Yes. Yes. Then do it. Alright, is the PSA over? No, not yet. I gotta say one more thing. What is it? Would you ever have done it, Or would you ever be honest If you had, Handed her a lesson, Or a stretch of the past From the present moment, My heart, and my mind And my lover I present you this honor From now on to nowhere I no longer… Want to be near you Or to know you Or to hear you Or to fear you No longer… Want to feel you Or to touch you Or to have you Or to hold you Or to love you No longer, I no longer want you Devastating, A song stuck in my head for a whole world I wonder how long it would take to go back there A room full of actors, A manager, Never a backpack to wear Just a handful of hats, One director, Eventually producer Just now a showrunner Look at how long that took. I had to wonder what auroras in the north thought of someone like Sonny. They showed me. Now I can love you no longer So much for getting acquainted Funny what age equates to in ageless An infinite wisdom, I dismissed him, Nor, would I believe that he ever would hit her, but Some might belong in such a category Though i carry the marks and the scars Of what my once- husband did to me –but no longer. I haven't a heart in the world left But a broken one, made of amethyst. Fuck off, Dillon Francis. A calculated attack on my psyche. I like it a lot, But i'm fonder of sodom. WHAT. Are you saying you woul actually participate in an orgy! Oh GOD no! Oh, Good, cause– But i'd host one. WHAT. The hedonists are a fun bunch. Oh my God. Though, Nowadays, of course, I haven't the slightest idea what to call them. I saw the future. Well, obviously, if you've headlined EDC you've seen the future. I remember all of it. That must be awful. Why don't you remember it? Because i don't want to. Not at all. I did once. Then what happened? I hated it so much, i forgot. You forgot on purpose. I had to. Love, or Music. …Music. Love, or Fame. Fame. Okay, ouch. Love, or Music? …Love. Okay. Love, or Fame. Love. Okay. Love, or music? … Isn't that the same thing? Hm. Love, or Fame? ….Why do you keep asking me the same question. I beg your pardon? Why beg? I mean– What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, first you asked me, If would rather have Love or Music. Love. Music. Yes. In my mind, those are synonyms. Neither can really exist without the other. Okay, and Fame. Love and Fame are also synonyms– How so? Ugh, I just made this difficult on myself. It was always difficult. It really wasn't. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U. WHY IS IT ALWAYS CHRISTMAS?! BEcause, you're in a movie. WHAT. You're stuck in a Hollywood movie. The Master Sorcerer Of the Grand Illusion You just want it so bad You don't know what you're in for Inquenchable Thirst for knowledge Insatiable Sexual Appetite Yo My horizontal monster wants ya Could revert to vert, but lets keep Our options open Covert, __ My heart is broken No window open Who left the draft in –motherfucker My heart is broken I need a lover I need a lover Some one to hug me I need a hug, but And– I'm not fit to touch The hem of your garment The tip of your dick or fit enough to be your girlfriend I guess i'll just have to live with that When I have an itch, I scratch it myself I made the assumption you can't, And moved passed it But something's been calling me out, from the past Something's been calling me back to the magic I can't get around that Do you hate me? I can see that I'll just make my way back to the beginning Though I'm envious And i pity her, The both of you really There's nothing left between us except Insanity//Infinity Kendrick Style Flow Don't key my car: You'll be callin collect! I got rearview mirrors in the back of my head Don't get up right now, son– Go back to bed I got kids all over, be pulling my leg! Luke, I am your Father! Oh My Oh My God On top of the Watchlist You make money off dope; I made it on craigslist Still be sniffin that coke But now i'm on A list I'm the greatest Ey Miss! I missed too many calls (Airplane Mode) I just started my day (Whole Workload) I might need a buffet (Like Whole Foods) Sashe, Pas De Bourre (That's a code word) No dance floor? Now you're done for My forte Four-to-the-floor Hardcore I drop bass on the encore Front row won't go But i'm already out the front door You don't know I just hopped inside the helicopter, or chopper, chopped broccoli in my cup That's supper; Sleep/ Wake then Surf's up In the morning When i got there (Coastal show, Shower, Then another club Encore Front row lined up I'm already at the front door They want more I'm too sore, for sure Off subject, I dropped in Harder than Paulie On my surfboard (Another code word) This is my world: Another club, Then I'm off for a monday Or somethin' Write another song At the buffet –Tales of a Superstar DJ Amen. Fuck! I didn't even get to watch desperate housewives! Don't fuck with her! She's a trained assassin! GET ON THE GROUND. NO! GET ON THE GROUND– OR I WILL SHOOT YOU! SO? IF I SHOOT YOU, YOU WILL DIE. OK? “OK”? YOU WILL DIE. YEAH, AND? Kind of frustrating hunting down somebody who already has a deathwish. What do you do with someone who has no fear of death. Give them life. I'm telling you, we probably shouldn't be doing this. *shrugs* You split yourselves into two entirely separate individuals at once, just so you could see whose dick is longer? Technically, three entirely separate individuals. THIS ISN'T FAIR. Do you ever think? Sometimes, but it's usually pretty gross. I mean about the implications of these things! You are the implications of these things! I split my soul ONE time into 8 BILLION or so individuals, before this even had happened. WOAH, WHAT HAPPENED. I'm giving you planetary confinement. What. You–can stay here. On this planet. No. It's racist–and primitive. No– And you're black. Please– I'm leaving. –don't– –and i'm taking your portal gun with me. YOU PUT A PORTAL ON MY FACE?! Genius. Incredible. I didn't think it would be a big deal. He has two! Okay, time for work. But i didn't even sl– Coffee. Ouh. … … — I don't think we should be doing this TIA We probably shouldn't. TAMERA We very much shouldn't. What are you guys doing. Nothing. SHh. Summoning the devil. It's not the devil. It might be. Hush. Is that a pentagram. Technically it's a star, with a circle around it. That's a pentagram. It's not a pentagram! Is that a ouiji board? NO. Yes. Let me see. Ugh! I wanna help. MEANWHILE. MORGAN FREEMAN enters an empty train car: Oh God, This. Yes it is! What!? Are you dead! Entirely empty, that is–besides SUPACREE. No, you are! Great, so you're dead! I'm–not dead. Is Bob Saget with you? I'm not DEAD. What about Fraiser? What? Kelsey Grammer! God rest his soul. SEE! I'm not dead– [beat, an eerie shadowy silence in the dimly lit traincar] I'm a Legend. What. I wrote that/ You wrote that. What. Ugh. Look. Morgan Freeman. [Morgan Freeman] I–am–like a paranoid schizophrenic, or something– So, who isn't?! It might be catatonic, I don't know–I got this whole dead-hand–thing–going on. What is that? I don't know. It might just be too much deadmau5. I don't understand. No, Morgan Freeman. I don't understand. Anything about this life. Or this world. The fourth dimension. I definitely don't know anything about that. You're in it. Whatever. Look. [Morgan Freeman] God, you have so many freckles. [Morgan Freeman] Look. I got problems. We all do! Nah, not like–Hollywood problems, I'm like, a real psycho and shit. Sounds like Hollywood. Everything sounds like Hollywood–because nothing is real anymore–everything is for the gram, the points don't matter–nothing actyally matters. At all. Oh? Oh. The train comes to a sudden halt, the lights dim theatrically. Not even this? [pause] He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golden pinata; You know who gave it to me? …Who? Got ya. He holds out a strange object; a golden necklace, which begins to change in appearance–morphing between a medallion, as seen throughout the seasons, and into other integral objects from throughout the series; a small golde pinata ; Fuck dude, i'm too tired to write this. But you kind of have to. I mean i don't have to. YOU HAVE TO. I–WHAT? YOU HAVE TO DO IT. WHY. BECAUSE OTHERWISE I DON'T EVEN EXIST; Then don't exist… I'M JUST A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN YOUR SHOW. Come on Drew, knock it off. Wait, is this Drew Carey, or Barrymore. Either or. That's why I didn't write the characters name. Well, which is it? It literally doesn't matter. Yes it does. Honestly?! It could be both! We just shoot it with both and keep whichever one we like better! But how do we know which is actually “better?” Just do it and mix it–cut it up together or something–I don't know! Cut takes! Cut Takes! Ooh, did someone say CUPCAKES. Don't mind if i DO. Well, I do! Why?! What's wrong?! Yeah! What's the big deal! I'm on a gluten free-thing Oh yeah? Keto. Or someshit. I don't know. Oh. Oh. So you don't want these No, I don't. And you wouldn't mind if I– Come on, man. So Good. Grow up. Hey man, i'm pushin 40. Well, I pushed 40–and it pushed back. Get your cupcakes out of my face. You're no fun. Hey! Aren't you that one guy from rick and morty. Formerly. Oh yeah! That's right! You were Rick AND Morty. Hence the name. Wow. Phewf. I heard about that. Yeah, me too. Sounds real bad, how that turned out. Such a shame. Speaking of shame– You're speaking, I'm snacking. That's not that clever. We'll work on it The point is, he's eating the cupcakes. That's not–wait a minute–hold on. What now? How are we ever gonna get these three guys in a room together. [Meanwhile, in another dimension–these three are tied up (read: bound and gagged) in a room together. –Let alone to agree to this!? SUPACREE removes the gag from the man's [JOSH PECK'S] mouth. I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS. That's what she said! Hey! That's not fair! I was never caught up in a scandal! The key word, I believe, is “never caught” That's two words! SHUTTHEFUCKUP. How many words is that? I WANT MY LAWYER!!!! For what? This isn't court. Wouldn't you want the police first? WELL THEN, I WANT THE POLICE. The Police are here. Wait, they are? Oh, thank God Not so fast. THE POLICE enter with full entourage. Introducing: The Police–playing their number one greatest smash hit! Groupies: Woooo! STING I hope you ladies bought the meet-and-greet package, if you know what I mean. *winks awkwardly* You know what I mean. Oh my God. Since you dudes love doing creepy dude shit, I brought some more notoriously creepy dudes to sing the literally creepiest song ever written about being a creepy dude. That's not fair. But it's funny. THE POLICE Begin to play ‘I'll be Watching You” –and they're gonna play it on loop until I get back with your other-dimensional selves so we can fix all this. “WE” “FIX ALL THIS” WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Nobody seems to know. “--I'll be watching you–” I was FRAMED. CUT TO a golden pocket watch, a wrist watch, a compass–it changes and morphs so quickly that it begins to seem to spin time itself into a whirlwind, until finally a portal opens up from within his hand–a portal which quickly devours him entirely, morphing him into Fuck, what the fuck happened after that Idk I got off the train I guess This is really terribly written INT. SAM ASH MANHATTAN. DAY. A tiny conga for 90 dollars I could die in here Maybe I am just like you I find my way to the prettiest thing in the room And have my way with it Just for a few minutes Consume it, then move on Saw Madison dancing badly on Madison Avenue It's okay, You're a white girl So everybody loves you Everybody loves you Everybody loves you, no matter what you do. As for me, I can't say when I'm going through But you couldn't do it, Madison That's as bad as being at a standstill at rush out in Manhattan With enough practice I could buy everything in Sam ash And make my own band with it That's the plan at least— But I been having a long death And the afterlife isn't as after as everybody says it is Don't hold your breath, Unless you're re
DAN SCHNEIDER APPEARS SEEMINGLY FROM NOWHERE INT. SAUNA. WHENEVER DAN SHNEIDER you need a pedicure. Would you fucking people stop doing that. I heard you have something of mine. This is not a unisex Sauna! Is it not?! No! Where's my shit, Monroe?! What the fuck are you talking about?! Hey. You got a weird little toe! STOP LOOKING AT MY FEET. we're all adults here. I disagree entirely. I'm 5! Okay, that's gross. Get out! Fine! He stands up to exit the Sauna; his towel defaults. AGH. Lol with careful editing this is less disturbing, I guess. It's really not. Goddamn, manI I want that script on my desk by Monday. Or what?! Or ELSE! OR ELSE WHAT! CAN'T BE WORSE THAN THIS; I'M CERTAIN! Don't be so certain, Monroe. I get around. HOW?! DO YOU AT LEAST HAVE HAZARDS FOR BACKING UP?! Very funny, Monroe. [he opens the sauna door to exit.] (Cont'd) Very funny. That's my point. Who's next?! Dan Harmon?! [exiting] By Monday, Monroe. [he backs up] BEEEP-BEEP—BEEEEP. [A woman enters the sauna as he is “backing out” BEEEP! Ahem. Good day, ladies. [he exits entirely] [beat] … is this sauna unisex. [looking through the window of the sauna he silently mimicks humously threatening gestures out of the view of the woman who has entered, standing at the door for a moment in confusion] …No, it is not. I'm afraid you're one nickel short of a Skrillex. What the fuck is that supposed to mean. SUCK MY Schneider. Dan Schneider. Uh. We fired him. For several reasons. Hire ‘em back. Why?! Because-time travel. Time travel what. Time travel this: That NEVER HAPPENED! It didn't!? Uh. No…? Ok. Okay?! Ok. *portal* Check this place out. What is it. Not what. When. When is it? I don't know yet. What!? Let's find a shopping mall. INT. BEVERLY CENTER. DAY. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©
DAN SCHNEIDER APPEARS SEEMINGLY FROM NOWHERE INT. SAUNA. WHENEVER DAN SHNEIDER you need a pedicure. Would you fucking people stop doing that. I heard you have something of mine. This is not a unisex Sauna! Is it not?! No! Where's my shit, Monroe?! What the fuck are you talking about?! Hey. You got a weird little toe! STOP LOOKING AT MY FEET. we're all adults here. I disagree entirely. I'm 5! Okay, that's gross. Get out! Fine! He stands up to exit the Sauna; his towel defaults. AGH. Lol with careful editing this is less disturbing, I guess. It's really not. Goddamn, manI I want that script on my desk by Monday. Or what?! Or ELSE! OR ELSE WHAT! CAN'T BE WORSE THAN THIS; I'M CERTAIN! Don't be so certain, Monroe. I get around. HOW?! DO YOU AT LEAST HAVE HAZARDS FOR BACKING UP?! Very funny, Monroe. [he opens the sauna door to exit.] (Cont'd) Very funny. That's my point. Who's next?! Dan Harmon?! [exiting] By Monday, Monroe. [he backs up] BEEEP-BEEP—BEEEEP. [A woman enters the sauna as he is “backing out” BEEEP! Ahem. Good day, ladies. [he exits entirely] [beat] … is this sauna unisex. [looking through the window of the sauna he silently mimicks humously threatening gestures out of the view of the woman who has entered, standing at the door for a moment in confusion] …No, it is not. I'm afraid you're one nickel short of a Skrillex. What the fuck is that supposed to mean. SUCK MY Schneider. Dan Schneider. Uh. We fired him. For several reasons. Hire ‘em back. Why?! Because-time travel. Time travel what. Time travel this: That NEVER HAPPENED! It didn't!? Uh. No…? Ok. Okay?! Ok. *portal* Check this place out. What is it. Not what. When. When is it? I don't know yet. What!? Let's find a shopping mall. INT. BEVERLY CENTER. DAY. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©
DAN SCHNEIDER APPEARS SEEMINGLY FROM NOWHERE INT. SAUNA. WHENEVER DAN SHNEIDER you need a pedicure. Would you fucking people stop doing that. I heard you have something of mine. This is not a unisex Sauna! Is it not?! No! Where's my shit, Monroe?! What the fuck are you talking about?! Hey. You got a weird little toe! STOP LOOKING AT MY FEET. we're all adults here. I disagree entirely. I'm 5! Okay, that's gross. Get out! Fine! He stands up to exit the Sauna; his towel defaults. AGH. Lol with careful editing this is less disturbing, I guess. It's really not. Goddamn, manI I want that script on my desk by Monday. Or what?! Or ELSE! OR ELSE WHAT! CAN'T BE WORSE THAN THIS; I'M CERTAIN! Don't be so certain, Monroe. I get around. HOW?! DO YOU AT LEAST HAVE HAZARDS FOR BACKING UP?! Very funny, Monroe. [he opens the sauna door to exit.] (Cont'd) Very funny. That's my point. Who's next?! Dan Harmon?! [exiting] By Monday, Monroe. [he backs up] BEEEP-BEEP—BEEEEP. [A woman enters the sauna as he is “backing out” BEEEP! Ahem. Good day, ladies. [he exits entirely] [beat] … is this sauna unisex. [looking through the window of the sauna he silently mimicks humously threatening gestures out of the view of the woman who has entered, standing at the door for a moment in confusion] …No, it is not. I'm afraid you're one nickel short of a Skrillex. What the fuck is that supposed to mean. SUCK MY Schneider. Dan Schneider. Uh. We fired him. For several reasons. Hire ‘em back. Why?! Because-time travel. Time travel what. Time travel this: That NEVER HAPPENED! It didn't!? Uh. No…? Ok. Okay?! Ok. *portal* Check this place out. What is it. Not what. When. When is it? I don't know yet. What!? Let's find a shopping mall. INT. BEVERLY CENTER. DAY. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©
DAN SCHNEIDER APPEARS SEEMINGLY FROM NOWHERE INT. SAUNA. WHENEVER DAN SHNEIDER you need a pedicure. Would you fucking people stop doing that. I heard you have something of mine. This is not a unisex Sauna! Is it not?! No! Where's my shit, Monroe?! What the fuck are you talking about?! Hey. You got a weird little toe! STOP LOOKING AT MY FEET. we're all adults here. I disagree entirely. I'm 5! Okay, that's gross. Get out! Fine! He stands up to exit the Sauna; his towel defaults. AGH. Lol with careful editing this is less disturbing, I guess. It's really not. Goddamn, manI I want that script on my desk by Monday. Or what?! Or ELSE! OR ELSE WHAT! CAN'T BE WORSE THAN THIS; I'M CERTAIN! Don't be so certain, Monroe. I get around. HOW?! DO YOU AT LEAST HAVE HAZARDS FOR BACKING UP?! Very funny, Monroe. [he opens the sauna door to exit.] (Cont'd) Very funny. That's my point. Who's next?! Dan Harmon?! [exiting] By Monday, Monroe. [he backs up] BEEEP-BEEP—BEEEEP. [A woman enters the sauna as he is “backing out” BEEEP! Ahem. Good day, ladies. [he exits entirely] [beat] … is this sauna unisex. [looking through the window of the sauna he silently mimicks humously threatening gestures out of the view of the woman who has entered, standing at the door for a moment in confusion] …No, it is not. I'm afraid you're one nickel short of a Skrillex. What the fuck is that supposed to mean. SUCK MY Schneider. Dan Schneider. Uh. We fired him. For several reasons. Hire ‘em back. Why?! Because-time travel. Time travel what. Time travel this: That NEVER HAPPENED! It didn't!? Uh. No…? Ok. Okay?! Ok. *portal* Check this place out. What is it. Not what. When. When is it? I don't know yet. What!? Let's find a shopping mall. INT. BEVERLY CENTER. DAY. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©
ICYMI: Later, with Mo'Kelly Presents – “This Weekend” & “Last Call” with Nick Pagliochini sharing details on everything from “Santa's Secret at the Beverly Center” in Beverly Hills to the “15th Anniversary Unique LA Holiday Market” at the California Market Center in Downtown LA and more…PLUS - Mark Rahner has a review of the new Toho Studios “Godzilla: Minus One” in ‘The Rahner Report' - on KFI AM 640 – Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app
ICYMI: Later, with Mo'Kelly Presents – “This Weekend” & “Last Call” with Nick Pagliochini sharing details on everything from “Santa's Secret at the Beverly Center” in Beverly Hills to the “15th Anniversary Unique LA Holiday Market” at the California Market Center in Downtown LA and more - on KFI AM 640 – Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app
The Jons scoop up the multi-talented Emily Altman for a trip around ‘Hollywood' Hollywood. From the Glitz to the ‘pits. We say hi to the 4 silver ladies at La Brea and Hollywood Blvd, and creepy-crawl into the foggy night. And let's just say Hollywood's not the most forgiving part of town to insist on not turning right. Lefts are busy in lipstick city, even in the evening. We stop for ice creams and feel like lucky ducks. The Fartvan cuts through the cheese of the night. Beverly Center, Lids, CBS, Canters, Trumps Hollywood star. We're passing these things. Stay long enough in H'Wood and you go “Koo Koo” like One Night in Bangkok song. Emily is promoting her new book, “How to be Sane” and the Jons can't wait to buy it locally and read it!
Lara and Carey are back in the 90210 to recap the brand-new season of RHOBH. But first, Lara discusses hotel life as Renovate Gate continues and her fear and loathing at the Beverly Center. They also talk George Santos's evil twin sister, a driverless car hitting a pedestrian in SF, and a new UCLA poll about Gen Zs wanting to see less sex in media. On RHOBH, Dorit continues her hillin' journey in the wake of the robbery, enlisting help from a spiritual healer named Eaglewoman to cleanse the ladies of their baggage. Kyle, sober and jacked, reels from her schism with Kathy and her increasing disconnection from Mauricio. EJ Global gets off Lexapro and rises above her legal woes, Sutton has lunch with Jennifer Tilly, and Garcelle faces emotional terrorism from her twin sons.Listen to this episode ad-free AND get access to weekly bonus episodes + video episodes by joining the SUP PATREON.Be cheap as hell and get full-length videos of the pod for free by subscribing to the SUP YOUTUBE.Re-live the best moments of this iconic podcast by following the SUP TIKOK. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
We finally complete our mini-series on the 1980s movies released by Miramax Films in 1989, a year that included sex, lies, and videotape, and My Left Foot. ----more---- TRANSCRIPT From Los Angeles, California, the Entertainment Capital of the World, it's The 80s Movies Podcast. I am your host, Edward Havens. Thank you for listening today. On this episode, we complete our look back at the 1980s theatrical releases for Miramax Films. And, for the final time, a reminder that we are not celebrating Bob and Harvey Weinstein, but reminiscing about the movies they had no involvement in making. We cannot talk about cinema in the 1980s without talking about Miramax, and I really wanted to get it out of the way, once and for all. As we left Part 4, Miramax was on its way to winning its first Academy Award, Billie August's Pelle the Conquerer, the Scandinavian film that would be second film in a row from Denmark that would win for Best Foreign Language Film. In fact, the first two films Miramax would release in 1989, the Australian film Warm Night on a Slow Moving Train and the Anthony Perkins slasher film Edge of Sanity, would not arrive in theatres until the Friday after the Academy Awards ceremony that year, which was being held on the last Wednesday in March. Warm Nights on a Slow Moving Train stars Wendy Hughes, the talented Australian actress who, sadly, is best remembered today as Lt. Commander Nella Daren, one of Captain Jean-Luc Picard's few love interests, on a 1993 episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, as Jenny, a prostitute working a weekend train to Sydney, who is seduced by a man on the train, unaware that he plans on tricking her to kill someone for him. Colin Friels, another great Aussie actor who unfortunately is best known for playing the corrupt head of Strack Industries in Sam Raimi's Darkman, plays the unnamed man who will do anything to get what he wants. Director Bob Ellis and his co-screenwriter Denny Lawrence came up with the idea for the film while they themselves were traveling on a weekend train to Sydney, with the idea that each client the call girl met on the train would represent some part of the Australian male. Funding the $2.5m film was really simple… provided they cast Hughes in the lead role. Ellis and Lawrence weren't against Hughes as an actress. Any film would be lucky to have her in the lead. They just felt she she didn't have the right kind of sex appeal for this specific character. Miramax would open the film in six theatres, including the Cineplex Beverly Center in Los Angeles and the Fashion Village 8 in Orlando, on March 31st. There were two versions of the movie prepared, one that ran 130 minutes and the other just 91. Miramax would go with the 91 minute version of the film for the American release, and most of the critics would note how clunky and confusing the film felt, although one critic for the Village Voice would have some kind words for Ms. Hughes' performance. Whether it was because moviegoers were too busy seeing the winners of the just announced Academy Awards, including Best Picture winner Rain Man, or because this weekend was also the opening weekend of the new Major League Baseball season, or just turned off by the reviews, attendance at the theatres playing Warm Nights on a Slow Moving Train was as empty as a train dining car at three in the morning. The Beverly Center alone would account for a third of the movie's opening weekend gross of $19,268. After a second weekend at the same six theatres pocketing just $14,382, this train stalled out, never to arrive at another station. Their other March 31st release, Edge of Sanity, is notable for two things and only two things: it would be the first film Miramax would release under their genre specialty label, Millimeter Films, which would eventually evolve into Dimension Films in the next decade, and it would be the final feature film to star Anthony Perkins before his passing in 1992. The film is yet another retelling of the classic 1886 Robert Louis Stevenson story The Strange Case of Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde, with the bonus story twist that Hyde was actually Jack the Ripper. As Jekyll, Perkins looks exactly as you'd expect a mid-fifties Norman Bates to look. As Hyde, Perkins is made to look like he's a backup keyboardist for the first Nine Inch Nails tour. Head Like a Hole would have been an appropriate song for the end credits, had the song or Pretty Hate Machine been released by that time, with its lyrics about bowing down before the one you serve and getting what you deserve. Edge of Sanity would open in Atlanta and Indianapolis on March 31st. And like so many other Miramax releases in the 1980s, they did not initially announce any grosses for the film. That is, until its fourth weekend of release, when the film's theatre count had fallen to just six, down from the previous week's previously unannounced 35, grossing just $9,832. Miramax would not release grosses for the film again, with a final total of just $102,219. Now when I started this series, I said that none of the films Miramax released in the 1980s were made by Miramax, but this next film would become the closest they would get during the decade. In July 1961, John Profumo was the Secretary of State for War in the conservative government of British Prime Minister Harold Macmillan, when the married Profumo began a sexual relationship with a nineteen-year-old model named Christine Keeler. The affair was very short-lived, either ending, depending on the source, in August 1961 or December 1961. Unbeknownst to Profumo, Keeler was also having an affair with Yevgeny Ivanov, a senior naval attache at the Soviet Embassy at the same time. No one was the wiser on any of this until December 1962, when a shooting incident involving two other men Keeler had been involved with led the press to start looking into Keeler's life. While it was never proven that his affair with Keeler was responsible for any breaches of national security, John Profumo was forced to resign from his position in June 1963, and the scandal would take down most of the Torie government with him. Prime Minister Macmillan would resign due to “health reasons” in October 1963, and the Labour Party would take control of the British government when the next elections were held in October 1964. Scandal was originally planned in the mid-1980s as a three-part, five-hour miniseries by Australian screenwriter Michael Thomas and American music producer turned movie producer Joe Boyd. The BBC would commit to finance a two-part, three-hour miniseries, until someone at the network found an old memo from the time of the Profumo scandal that forbade them from making any productions about it. Channel 4, which had been producing quality shows and movies for several years since their start in 1982, was approached, but rejected the series on the grounds of taste. Palace Pictures, a British production company who had already produced three films for Neil Jordan including Mona Lisa, was willing to finance the script, provided it could be whittled down to a two hour movie. Originally budgeted at 3.2m British pounds, the costs would rise as they started the casting process. John Hurt, twice Oscar-nominated for his roles in Midnight Express and The Elephant Man, would sign on to play Stephen Ward, a British osteopath who acted as Christine Keeler's… well… pimp, for lack of a better word. Ian McKellen, a respected actor on British stages and screens but still years away from finding mainstream global success in the X-Men movies, would sign on to play John Profumo. Joanne Whaley, who had filmed the yet to be released at that time Willow with her soon to be husband Val Kilmer, would get her first starring role as Keeler, and Bridget Fonda, who was quickly making a name for herself in the film world after being featured in Aria, would play Mandy Rice-Davies, the best friend and co-worker of Keeler's. To save money, Palace Pictures would sign thirty-year-old Scottish filmmaker Michael Caton-Jones to direct, after seeing a short film he had made called The Riveter. But even with the neophyte feature filmmaker, Palace still needed about $2.35m to be able to fully finance the film. And they knew exactly who to go to. Stephen Woolley, the co-founder of Palace Pictures and the main producer on the film, would fly from London to New York City to personally pitch Harvey and Bob Weinstein. Woolley felt that of all the independent distributors in America, they would be the ones most attracted to the sexual and controversial nature of the story. A day later, Woolley was back on a plane to London. The Weinsteins had agreed to purchase the American distribution rights to Scandal for $2.35m. The film would spend two months shooting in the London area through the summer of 1988. Christine Keeler had no interest in the film, and refused to meet the now Joanne Whaley-Kilmer to talk about the affair, but Mandy Rice-Davies was more than happy to Bridget Fonda about her life, although the meetings between the two women were so secret, they would not come out until Woolley eulogized Rice-Davies after her 2014 death. Although Harvey and Bob would be given co-executive producers on the film, Miramax was not a production company on the film. This, however, did not stop Harvey from flying to London multiple times, usually when he was made aware of some sexy scene that was going to shoot the following day, and try to insinuate himself into the film's making. At one point, Woolley decided to take a weekend off from the production, and actually did put Harvey in charge. That weekend's shoot would include a skinny-dipping scene featuring the Christine Keeler character, but when Whaley-Kilmer learned Harvey was going to be there, she told the director that she could not do the nudity in the scene. Her new husband was objecting to it, she told them. Harvey, not skipping a beat, found a lookalike for the actress who would be willing to bare all as a body double, and the scene would begin shooting a few hours later. Whaley-Kilmer watched the shoot from just behind the camera, and stopped the shoot a few minutes later. She was not happy that the body double's posterior was notably larger than her own, and didn't want audiences to think she had that much junk in her trunk. The body double was paid for her day, and Whaley-Kilmer finished the rest of the scene herself. Caton-Jones and his editing team worked on shaping the film through the fall, and would screen his first edit of the film for Palace Pictures and the Weinsteins in November 1988. And while Harvey was very happy with the cut, he still asked the production team for a different edit for American audiences, noting that most Americans had no idea who Profumo or Keeler or Rice-Davies were, and that Americans would need to understand the story more right out of the first frame. Caton-Jones didn't want to cut a single frame, but he would work with Harvey to build an American-friendly cut. While he was in London in November 1988, he would meet with the producers of another British film that was in pre-production at the time that would become another important film to the growth of the company, but we're not quite at that part of the story yet. We'll circle around to that film soon. One of the things Harvey was most looking forward to going in to 1989 was the expected battle with the MPAA ratings board over Scandal. Ever since he had seen the brouhaha over Angel Heart's X rating two years earlier, he had been looking for a similar battle. He thought he had it with Aria in 1988, but he knew he definitely had it now. And he'd be right. In early March, just a few weeks before the film's planned April 21st opening day, the MPAA slapped an X rating on Scandal. The MPAA usually does not tell filmmakers or distributors what needs to be cut, in order to avoid accusations of actual censorship, but according to Harvey, they told him exactly what needed to be cut to get an R: a two second shot during an orgy scene, where it appears two background characters are having unsimulated sex. So what did Harvey do? He spent weeks complaining to the press about MPAA censorship, generating millions in free publicity for the film, all the while already having a close-up shot of Joanne Whaley-Kilmer's Christine Keeler watching the orgy but not participating in it, ready to replace the objectionable shot. A few weeks later, Miramax screened the “edited” film to the MPAA and secured the R rating, and the film would open on 94 screens, including 28 each in the New York City and Los Angeles metro regions, on April 28th. And while the reviews for the film were mostly great, audiences were drawn to the film for the Miramax-manufactured controversy as well as the key art for the film, a picture of a potentially naked Joanne Whaley-Kilmer sitting backwards in a chair, a mimic of a very famous photo Christine Keeler herself took to promote a movie about the Profumo affair she appeared in a few years after the events. I'll have a picture of both the Scandal poster and the Christine Keeler photo on this episode's page at The80sMoviePodcast.com Five other movies would open that weekend, including the James Belushi comedy K-9 and the Kevin Bacon drama Criminal Law, and Scandal, with $658k worth of ticket sales, would have the second best per screen average of the five new openers, just a few hundred dollars below the new Holly Hunter movie Miss Firecracker, which only opened on six screens. In its second weekend, Scandal would expand its run to 214 playdates, and make its debut in the national top ten, coming in tenth place with $981k. That would be more than the second week of the Patrick Dempsey rom-com Loverboy, even though Loverboy was playing on 5x as many screens. In weekend number three, Scandal would have its best overall gross and top ten placement, coming in seventh with $1.22m from 346 screens. Scandal would start to slowly fade after that, falling back out of the top ten in its sixth week, but Miramax would wisely keep the screen count under 375, because Scandal wasn't going to play well in all areas of the country. After nearly five months in theatres, Miramax would have its biggest film to date. Scandal would gross $8.8m. The second release from Millimeter Films was The Return of the Swamp Thing. And if you needed a reason why the 1980s was not a good time for comic book movies, here you are. The Return of the Swamp Thing took most of what made the character interesting in his comic series, and most of what was good from the 1982 Wes Craven adaptation, and decided “Hey, you know what would bring the kids in? Camp! Camp unseen in a comic book adaptation since the 1960s Batman series. They loved it then, they'll love it now!” They did not love it now. Heather Locklear, between her stints on T.J. Hooker and Melrose Place, plays the step-daughter of Louis Jourdan's evil Dr. Arcane from the first film, who heads down to the Florida swaps to confront dear old once presumed dead stepdad. He in turns kidnaps his stepdaughter and decides to do some of his genetic experiments on her, until she is rescued by Swamp Thing, one of Dr. Arcane's former co-workers who got turned into the gooey anti-hero in the first movie. The film co-stars Sarah Douglas from Superman 1 and 2 as Dr. Arcane's assistant, Dick Durock reprising his role as Swamp Thing from the first film, and 1980s B-movie goddess Monique Gabrielle as Miss Poinsettia. For director Jim Wynorski, this was his sixth movie as a director, and at $3m, one of the highest budgeted movies he would ever make. He's directed 107 movies since 1984, most of them low budget direct to video movies with titles like The Bare Wench Project and Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade, although he does have one genuine horror classic under his belt, the 1986 sci-fi tinged Chopping Maul with Kelli Maroney and Barbara Crampton. Wynorski suggested in a late 1990s DVD commentary for the film that he didn't particularly enjoy making the film, and had a difficult time directing Louis Jourdan, to the point that outside of calling “action” and “cut,” the two didn't speak to each other by the end of the shoot. The Return of Swamp Thing would open in 123 theatres in the United States on May 12th, including 28 in the New York City metro region, 26 in the Los Angeles area, 15 in Detroit, and a handful of theatres in Phoenix, San Francisco. And, strangely, the newspaper ads would include an actual positive quote from none other than Roger Ebert, who said on Siskel & Ebert that he enjoyed himself, and that it was good to have Swamp Thing back. Siskel would not reciprocate his balcony partner's thumb up. But Siskel was about the only person who was positive on the return of Swamp Thing, and that box office would suffer. In its first three days, the film would gross just $119,200. After a couple more dismal weeks in theatres, The Return of Swamp Thing would be pulled from distribution, with a final gross of just $275k. Fun fact: The Return of Swamp Thing was produced by Michael E. Uslan, whose next production, another adaptation of a DC Comics character, would arrive in theatres not six weeks later and become the biggest film of the summer. In fact, Uslan has been a producer or executive producer on every Batman-related movie and television show since 1989, from Tim Burton to Christopher Nolan to Zack Snyder to Matt Reeves, and from LEGO movies to Joker. He also, because of his ownership of the movie rights to Swamp Thing, got the movie screen rights, but not the television screen rights, to John Constantine. Miramax didn't have too much time to worry about The Return of Swamp Thing's release, as it was happening while the Brothers Weinstein were at the 1989 Cannes Film Festival. They had two primary goals at Cannes that year: To buy American distribution rights to any movie that would increase their standing in the cinematic worldview, which they would achieve by picking up an Italian dramedy called, at the time, New Paradise Cinema, which was competing for the Palme D'Or with a Miramax pickup from Sundance back in January. Promote that very film, which did end up winning the Palme D'Or. Ever since he was a kid, Steven Soderbergh wanted to be a filmmaker. Growing up in Baton Rouge, LA in the late 1970s, he would enroll in the LSU film animation class, even though he was only 15 and not yet a high school graduate. After graduating high school, he decided to move to Hollywood to break into the film industry, renting an above-garage room from Stephen Gyllenhaal, the filmmaker best known as the father of Jake and Maggie, but after a few freelance editing jobs, Soderbergh packed up his things and headed home to Baton Rouge. Someone at Atco Records saw one of Soderbergh's short films, and hired him to direct a concert movie for one of their biggest bands at the time, Yes, who was enjoying a major comeback thanks to their 1983 triple platinum selling album, 90125. The concert film, called 9012Live, would premiere on MTV in late 1985, and it would be nominated for a Grammy Award for Best Long Form Music Video. Soderbergh would use the money he earned from that project, $7,500, to make Winston, a 12 minute black and white short about sexual deception that he would, over the course of an eight day driving trip from Baton Rouge to Los Angeles, expand to a full length screen that he would call sex, lies and videotape. In later years, Soderbergh would admit that part of the story is autobiographical, but not the part you might think. Instead of the lead, Graham, an impotent but still sexually perverse late twentysomething who likes to tape women talking about their sexual fantasies for his own pleasure later, Soderbergh based the husband John, the unsophisticated lawyer who cheats on his wife with her sister, on himself, although there would be a bit of Graham that borrows from the filmmaker. Like his lead character, Soderbergh did sell off most of his possessions and hit the road to live a different life. When he finished the script, he sent it out into the wilds of Hollywood. Morgan Mason, the son of actor James Mason and husband of Go-Go's lead singer Belinda Carlisle, would read it and sign on as an executive producer. Soderbergh had wanted to shoot the film in black and white, like he had with the Winston short that lead to the creation of this screenplay, but he and Mason had trouble getting anyone to commit to the project, even with only a projected budget of $200,000. For a hot moment, it looked like Universal might sign on to make the film, but they would eventually pass. Robert Newmyer, who had left his job as a vice president of production and acquisitions at Columbia Pictures to start his own production company, signed on as a producer, and helped to convince Soderbergh to shoot the film in color, and cast some name actors in the leading roles. Once he acquiesced, Richard Branson's Virgin Vision agreed to put up $540k of the newly budgeted $1.2m film, while RCA/Columbia Home Video would put up the remaining $660k. Soderbergh and his casting director, Deborah Aquila, would begin their casting search in New York, where they would meet with, amongst others, Andie MacDowell, who had already starred in two major Hollywood pictures, 1984's Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes, and 1985's St. Elmo's Fire, but was still considered more of a top model than an actress, and Laura San Giacomo, who had recently graduated from the Carnegie Mellon School of Drama in Pittsburgh and would be making her feature debut. Moving on to Los Angeles, Soderbergh and Aquila would cast James Spader, who had made a name for himself as a mostly bad guy in 80s teen movies like Pretty in Pink and Less Than Zero, but had never been the lead in a drama like this. At Spader's suggestion, the pair met with Peter Gallagher, who was supposed to become a star nearly a decade earlier from his starring role in Taylor Hackford's The Idolmaker, but had mostly been playing supporting roles in television shows and movies for most of the decade. In order to keep the budget down, Soderbergh, the producers, cinematographer Walt Lloyd and the four main cast members agreed to get paid their guild minimums in exchange for a 50/50 profit participation split with RCA/Columbia once the film recouped its costs. The production would spend a week in rehearsals in Baton Rouge, before the thirty day shoot began on August 1st, 1988. On most days, the shoot was unbearable for many, as temperatures would reach as high as 110 degrees outside, but there were a couple days lost to what cinematographer Lloyd said was “biblical rains.” But the shoot completed as scheduled, and Soderbergh got to the task of editing right away. He knew he only had about eight weeks to get a cut ready if the film was going to be submitted to the 1989 U.S. Film Festival, now better known as Sundance. He did get a temporary cut of the film ready for submission, with a not quite final sound mix, and the film was accepted to the festival. It would make its world premiere on January 25th, 1989, in Park City UT, and as soon as the first screening was completed, the bids from distributors came rolling in. Larry Estes, the head of RCA/Columbia Home Video, would field more than a dozen submissions before the end of the night, but only one distributor was ready to make a deal right then and there. Bob Weinstein wasn't totally sold on the film, but he loved the ending, and he loved that the word “sex” not only was in the title but lead the title. He knew that title alone would sell the movie. Harvey, who was still in New York the next morning, called Estes to make an appointment to meet in 24 hours. When he and Estes met, he brought with him three poster mockups the marketing department had prepared, and told Estes he wasn't going to go back to New York until he had a contract signed, and vowed to beat any other deal offered by $100,000. Island Pictures, who had made their name releasing movies like Stop Making Sense, Kiss of the Spider-Woman, The Trip to Bountiful and She's Gotta Have It, offered $1m for the distribution rights, plus a 30% distribution fee and a guaranteed $1m prints and advertising budget. Estes called Harvey up and told him what it would take to make the deal. $1.1m for the distribution rights, which needed to paid up front, a $1m P&A budget, to be put in escrow upon the signing of the contract until the film was released, a 30% distribution fee, no cutting of the film whatsoever once Soderbergh turns in his final cut, they would need to provide financial information for the films costs and returns once a month because of the profit participation contracts, and the Weinsteins would have to hire Ira Deutchman, who had spent nearly 15 years in the independent film world, doing marketing for Cinema 5, co-founding United Artists Classics, and co-founding Cinecom Pictures before opening his own company to act as a producers rep and marketer. And the Weinsteins would not only have to do exactly what Deutchman wanted, they'd have to pay for his services too. The contract was signed a few weeks later. The first move Miramax would make was to get Soderbergh's final cut of the film entered into the Cannes Film Festival, where it would be accepted to compete in the main competition. Which you kind of already know what happened, because that's what I lead with. The film would win the Palme D'Or, and Spader would be awarded the festival's award for Best Actor. It was very rare at the time, and really still is, for any film to be awarded more than one prize, so winning two was really a coup for the film and for Miramax, especially when many critics attending the festival felt Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing was the better film. In March, Miramax expected the film to make around $5-10m, which would net the company a small profit on the film. After Cannes, they were hopeful for a $15m gross. They never expected what would happen next. On August 4th, sex, lies, and videotape would open on four screens, at the Cinema Studio in New York City, and at the AMC Century 14, the Cineplex Beverly Center 13 and the Mann Westwood 4 in Los Angeles. Three prime theatres and the best they could do in one of the then most competitive zones in all America. Remember, it's still the Summer 1989 movie season, filled with hits like Batman, Dead Poets Society, Ghostbusters 2, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Honey I Shrunk the Kids, Lethal Weapon 2, Parenthood, Turner & Hooch, and When Harry Met Sally. An independent distributor even getting one screen at the least attractive theatre in Westwood was a major get. And despite the fact that this movie wasn't really a summertime movie per se, the film would gross an incredible $156k in its first weekend from just these four theatres. Its nearly $40k per screen average would be 5x higher than the next closest film, Parenthood. In its second weekend, the film would expand to 28 theatres, and would bring in over $600k in ticket sales, its per screen average of $21,527 nearly triple its closest competitor, Parenthood again. The company would keep spending small, as it slowly expanded the film each successive week. Forty theatres in its third week, and 101 in its fourth. The numbers held strong, and in its fifth week, Labor Day weekend, the film would have its first big expansion, playing in 347 theatres. The film would enter the top ten for the first time, despite playing in 500 to 1500 fewer theatres than the other films in the top ten. In its ninth weekend, the film would expand to its biggest screen count, 534, before slowly drawing down as the other major Oscar contenders started their theatrical runs. The film would continue to play through the Oscar season of 1989, and when it finally left theatres in May 1989, its final gross would be an astounding $24.7m. Now, remember a few moments ago when I said that Miramax needed to provide financial statements every month for the profit participation contracts of Soderbergh, the producers, the cinematographer and the four lead actors? The film was so profitable for everyone so quickly that RCA/Columbia made its first profit participation payouts on October 17th, barely ten weeks after the film's opening. That same week, Soderbergh also made what was at the time the largest deal with a book publisher for the writer/director's annotated version of the screenplay, which would also include his notes created during the creation of the film. That $75,000 deal would be more than he got paid to make the movie as the writer and the director and the editor, not counting the profit participation checks. During the awards season, sex, lies, and videotape was considered to be one of the Oscars front runners for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Screenplay and at least two acting nominations. The film would be nominated for Best Picture, Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress by the Golden Globes, and it would win the Spirit Awards for Best Picture, Soderbergh for Best Director, McDowell for Best Actress, and San Giacomo for Best Supporting Actress. But when the Academy Award nominations were announced, the film would only receive one nomination, for Best Original Screenplay. The same total and category as Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing, which many people also felt had a chance for a Best Picture and Best Director nomination. Both films would lose out to Tom Shulman's screenplay for Dead Poet's Society. The success of sex, lies, and videotape would launch Steven Soderbergh into one of the quirkiest Hollywood careers ever seen, including becoming the first and only director ever to be nominated twice for Best Director in the same year by the Motion Picture Academy, the Golden Globes and the Directors Guild of America, in 2001 for directing Erin Brockovich and Traffic. He would win the Oscar for directing Traffic. Lost in the excitement of sex, lies, and videotape was The Little Thief, a French movie that had an unfortunate start as the screenplay François Truffaut was working on when he passed away in 1984 at the age of just 52. Directed by Claude Miller, whose principal mentor was Truffaut, The Little Thief starred seventeen year old Charlotte Gainsbourg as Janine, a young woman in post-World War II France who commits a series of larcenies to support her dreams of becoming wealthy. The film was a modest success in France when it opened in December 1988, but its American release date of August 25th, 1989, was set months in advance. So when it was obvious sex, lies, and videotape was going to be a bigger hit than they originally anticipated, it was too late for Miramax to pause the release of The Little Thief. Opening at the Lincoln Plaza Cinemas in New York City, and buoyed by favorable reviews from every major critic in town, The Little Thief would see $39,931 worth of ticket sales in its first seven days, setting a new house record at the theatre for the year. In its second week, the gross would only drop $47. For the entire week. And when it opened at the Royal Theatre in West Los Angeles, its opening week gross of $30,654 would also set a new house record for the year. The film would expand slowly but surely over the next several weeks, often in single screen playdates in major markets, but it would never play on more than twenty-four screens in any given week. And after four months in theatres, The Little Thief, the last movie created one of the greatest film writers the world had ever seen, would only gross $1.056m in the United States. The next three releases from Miramax were all sent out under the Millimeter Films banner. The first, a supernatural erotic drama called The Girl in a Swing, was about an English antiques dealer who travels to Copenhagen where he meets and falls in love with a mysterious German-born secretary, whom he marries, only to discover a darker side to his new bride. Rupert Frazer, who played Christian Bale's dad in Steven Spielberg's Empire of the Sun, plays the antique dealer, while Meg Tilly the mysterious new bride. Filmed over a five week schedule in London and Copenhagen during May and June 1988, some online sources say the film first opened somewhere in California in December 1988, but I cannot find a single theatre not only in California but anywhere in the United States that played the film before its September 29th, 1989 opening date. Roger Ebert didn't like the film, and wished Meg Tilly's “genuinely original performance” was in a better movie. Opening in 26 theatres, including six theatres each in New York City and Los Angeles, and spurred on by an intriguing key art for the film that featured a presumed naked Tilly on a swing looking seductively at the camera while a notice underneath her warns that No One Under 18 Will Be Admitted To The Theatre, The Girl in a Swing would gross $102k, good enough for 35th place nationally that week. And that's about the best it would do. The film would limp along, moving from market to market over the course of the next three months, and when its theatrical run was complete, it could only manage about $747k in ticket sales. We'll quickly burn through the next two Millimeter Films releases, which came out a week apart from each other and didn't amount to much. Animal Behavior was a rather unfunny comedy featuring some very good actors who probably signed on for a very different movie than the one that came to be. Karen Allen, Miss Marion Ravenwood herself, stars as Alex, a biologist who, like Dr. Jane Goodall, develops a “new” way to communicate with chimpanzees via sign language. Armand Assante plays a cellist who pursues the good doctor, and Holly Hunter plays the cellist's neighbor, who Alex mistakes for his wife. Animal Behavior was filmed in 1984, and 1985, and 1987, and 1988. The initial production was directed by Jenny Bowen with the assistance of Robert Redford and The Sundance Institute, thanks to her debut film, 1981's Street Music featuring Elizabeth Daily. It's unknown why Bowen and her cinematographer husband Richard Bowen left the project, but when filming resumed again and again and again, those scenes were directed by the film's producer, Kjehl Rasmussen. Because Bowen was not a member of the DGA at the time, she was not able to petition the guild for the use of the Alan Smithee pseudonym, a process that is automatically triggered whenever a director is let go of a project and filming continues with its producer taking the reigns as director. But she was able to get the production to use a pseudonym anyway for the director's credit, H. Anne Riley, while also giving Richard Bowen a pseudonym of his own for his work on the film, David Spellvin. Opening on 24 screens on October 27th, Animal Behavior would come in 50th place in its opening weekend, grossing just $20,361. The New York film critics ripped the film apart, and there wouldn't be a second weekend for the film. The following Friday, November 3rd, saw the release of The Stepfather II, a rushed together sequel to 1987's The Stepfather, which itself wasn't a big hit in theatres but found a very quick and receptive audience on cable. Despite dying at the end of the first film, Terry O'Quinn's Jerry is somehow still alive, and institutionalized in Northern Washington state. He escapes and heads down to Los Angeles, where he assumes the identity of a recently deceased publisher, Gene Clifford, but instead passes himself off as a psychiatrist. Jerry, now Gene, begins to court his neighbor Carol, and the whole crazy story plays out again. Meg Foster plays the neighbor Carol, and Jonathan Brandis is her son. Director Jeff Burr had made a name for himself with his 1987 horror anthology film From a Whisper to a Scream, featuring Vincent Price, Clu Gulager and Terry Kiser, and from all accounts, had a very smooth shooting process with this film. The trouble began when he turned in his cut to the producers. The producers were happy with the film, but when they sent it to Miramax, the American distributors, they were rather unhappy with the almost bloodless slasher film. They demanded reshoots, which Burr and O'Quinn refused to participate in. They brought in a new director, Doug Campbell, to handle the reshoots, which are easy to spot in the final film because they look and feel completely different from the scenes they're spliced into. When it opened, The Stepfather II actually grossed slightly more than the first film did, earning $279k from 100 screens, compared to $260k for The Stepfather from 105 screens. But unlike the first film, which had some decent reviews when it opened, the sequel was a complete mess. To this day, it's still one of the few films to have a 0% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and The Stepfather II would limp its way through theatres during the Christmas holiday season, ending its run with a $1.5m gross. But it would be their final film of the decade that would dictate their course for at least the first part of the 1990s. Remember when I said earlier in the episode that Harvey Weinstein meant with the producers of another British film while in London for Scandal? We're at that film now, a film you probably know. My Left Foot. By November 1988, actor Daniel Day-Lewis had starred in several movies including James Ivory's A Room With a View and Philip Kaufman's The Unbearable Lightness of Being. He had even been the lead in a major Hollywood studio film, Pat O'Connor's Stars and Bars, a very good film that unfortunately got caught up in the brouhaha over the exit of the studio head who greenlit the film, David Puttnam. The film's director, Jim Sheridan, had never directed a movie before. He had become involved in stage production during his time at the University College in Dublin in the late 1960s, where he worked with future filmmaker Neil Jordan, and had spent nearly a decade after graduation doing stage work in Ireland and Canada, before settling in New York City in the early 1980s. Sheridan would go to New York University's Tisch School of the Arts, where one of his classmates was Spike Lee, and return to Ireland after graduating. He was nearly forty, married with two pre-teen daughters, and he needed to make a statement with his first film. He would find that story in the autobiography of Irish writer and painter Christy Brown, whose spirit and creativity could not be contained by his severe cerebral palsy. Along with Irish actor and writer Shane Connaughton, Sheridan wrote a screenplay that could be a powerhouse film made on a very tight budget of less than a million dollars. Daniel Day-Lewis was sent a copy of the script, in the hopes he would be intrigued enough to take almost no money to play a physically demanding role. He read the opening pages, which had the adult Christy Brown putting a record on a record player and dropping the needle on to the record with his left foot, and thought to himself it would be impossible to film. That intrigued him, and he signed on. But during filming in January and February of 1989, most of the scenes were shot using mirrors, as Day-Lewis couldn't do the scenes with his left foot. He could do them with his right foot, hence the mirrors. As a method actor, Day-Lewis remained in character as Christy Brown for the entire two month shoot. From costume fittings and makeup in the morning, to getting the actor on set, to moving him around between shots, there were crew members assigned to assist the actor as if they were Christy Brown's caretakers themselves, including feeding him during breaks in shooting. A rumor debunked by the actor years later said Day-Lewis had broken two ribs during production because of how hunched down he needed to be in his crude prop wheelchair to properly play the character. The actor had done a lot of prep work to play the role, including spending time at the Sandymount School Clinic where the young Christy Brown got his education, and much of his performance was molded on those young people. While Miramax had acquired the American distribution rights to the film before it went into production, and those funds went into the production of the film, the film was not produced by Miramax, nor were the Weinsteins given any kind of executive producer credit, as they were able to get themselves on Scandal. My Left Foot would make its world premiere at the Montreal World Film Festival on September 4th, 1989, followed soon thereafter by screening at the Toronto International Film Festival on September 13th and the New York Film Festival on September 23rd. Across the board, critics and audiences were in love with the movie, and with Daniel Day-Lewis's performance. Jim Sheridan would receive a special prize at the Montreal World Film Festival for his direction, and Day-Lewis would win the festival's award for Best Actor. However, as the film played the festival circuit, another name would start to pop up. Brenda Fricker, a little known Irish actress who played Christy Brown's supportive but long-suffering mother Bridget, would pile up as many positive notices and awards as Day-Lewis. Although there was no Best Supporting Actress Award at the Montreal Film Festival, the judges felt her performance was deserving of some kind of attention, so they would create a Special Mention of the Jury Award to honor her. Now, some sources online will tell you the film made its world premiere in Dublin on February 24th, 1989, based on a passage in a biography about Daniel Day-Lewis, but that would be impossible as the film would still be in production for two more days, and wasn't fully edited or scored by then. I'm not sure when it first opened in the United Kingdom other than sometime in early 1990, but My Left Foot would have its commercial theatre debut in America on November 10th, when opened at the Lincoln Plaza Cinemas in New York City and the Century City 14 in Los Angeles. Sheila Benson of the Los Angeles Times would, in the very opening paragraph of her review, note that one shouldn't see My Left Foot for some kind of moral uplift or spiritual merit badge, but because of your pure love of great moviemaking. Vincent Canby's review in the New York Times spends most of his words praising Day-Lewis and Sheridan for making a film that is polite and non-judgmental. Interestingly, Miramax went with an ad campaign that completely excluded any explanation of who Christy Brown was or why the film is titled the way it is. 70% of the ad space is taken from pull quotes from many of the top critics of the day, 20% with the title of the film, and 10% with a picture of Daniel Day-Lewis, clean shaven and full tooth smile, which I don't recall happening once in the movie, next to an obviously added-in picture of one of his co-stars that is more camera-friendly than Brenda Fricker or Fiona Shaw. Whatever reasons people went to see the film, they flocked to the two theatres playing the film that weekend. It's $20,582 per screen average would be second only to Kenneth Branagh's Henry V, which had opened two days earlier, earning slightly more than $1,000 per screen than My Left Foot. In week two, My Left Foot would gross another $35,133 from those two theatres, and it would overtake Henry V for the highest per screen average. In week three, Thanksgiving weekend, both Henry V and My Left Foot saw a a double digit increase in grosses despite not adding any theatres, and the latter film would hold on to the highest per screen average again, although the difference would only be $302. And this would continue for weeks. In the film's sixth week of release, it would get a boost in attention by being awarded Best Film of the Year by the New York Film Critics Circle. Daniel Day-Lewis would be named Best Actor that week by both the New York critics and the Los Angeles Film Critics Association, while Fricker would win the Best Supporting Actress award from the latter group. But even then, Miramax refused to budge on expanding the film until its seventh week of release, Christmas weekend, when My Left Foot finally moved into cities like Chicago and San Francisco. Its $135k gross that weekend was good, but it was starting to lose ground to other Oscar hopefuls like Born on the Fourth of July, Driving Miss Daisy, Enemies: A Love Story, and Glory. And even though the film continued to rack up award win after award win, nomination after nomination, from the Golden Globes and the Writers Guild and the National Society of Film Critics and the National Board of Review, Miramax still held firm on not expanding the film into more than 100 theatres nationwide until its 16th week in theatres, February 16th, 1990, two days after the announcement of the nominees for the 62nd Annual Academy Awards. While Daniel Day-Lewis's nomination for Best Actor was virtually assured and Brenda Fricker was practically a given, the film would pick up three other nominations, including surprise nominations for Best Picture and Best Director. Jim Sheridan and co-writer Shane Connaughton would also get picked for Best Adapted Screenplay. Miramax also picked up a nomination for Best Original Screenplay for sex, lies, and videotape, and a Best Foreign Language Film nod for the Italian movie Cinema Paradiso, which, thanks to the specific rules for that category, a film could get a nomination before actually opening in theatres in America, which Miramax would rush to do with Paradiso the week after its nomination was announced. The 62nd Academy Awards ceremony would be best remembered today as being the first Oscar show to be hosted by Billy Crystal, and for being considerably better than the previous year's ceremony, a mess of a show best remembered as being the one with a 12 minute opening musical segment that included Rob Lowe singing Proud Mary to an actress playing Snow White and another nine minute musical segment featuring a slew of expected future Oscar winners that, to date, feature exact zero Oscar nominees, both which rank as amongst the worst things to ever happen to the Oscars awards show. The ceremony, held on March 26th, would see My Left Foot win two awards, Best Actor and Best Supporting Actress, as well as Cinema Paradiso for Best Foreign Film. The following weekend, March 30th, would see Miramax expand My Left Foot to 510 theatres, its widest point of release, and see the film made the national top ten and earn more than a million dollars for its one and only time during its eight month run. The film would lose steam pretty quickly after its post-win bump, but it would eek out a modest run that ended with $14.75m in ticket sales just in the United States. Not bad for a little Irish movie with no major stars that cost less than a million dollars to make. Of course, the early 90s would see Miramax fly to unimagined heights. In all of the 80s, Miramax would release 39 movies. They would release 30 films alone in 1991. They would release the first movies from Jean-Pierre Jeunet, Quentin Tarantino and Kevin Smith. They'd release some of the best films from some of the best filmmakers in the world, including Woody Allen, Pedro Almadovar, Robert Altman, Bernardo Bertolucci, Atom Egoyan, Steven Frears, Peter Greenaway, Peter Jackson, Neil Jordan, Chen Kaige, Krzysztof Kieślowski, Lars von Trier, and Zhang Yimou. In 1993, the Mexican dramedy Like Water for Chocolate would become the highest grossing foreign language film ever released in America, and it would play in some theatres, including my theatre, the NuWilshire in Santa Monica, continuously for more than a year. If you've listened to the whole series on the 1980s movies of Miramax Films, there are two things I hope you take away. First, I hope you discovered at least one film you hadn't heard of before and you might be interested in searching out. The second is the reminder that neither Bob nor Harvey Weinstein will profit in any way if you give any of the movies talked about in this series a chance. They sold Miramax to Disney in June 1993. They left Miramax in September 2005. Many of the contracts for the movies the company released in the 80s and 90s expired decades ago, with the rights reverting back to their original producers, none of whom made any deals with the Weinsteins once they got their rights back. Harvey Weinstein is currently serving a 23 year prison sentence in upstate New York after being found guilty in 2020 of two sexual assaults. Once he completes that sentence, he'll be spending another 16 years in prison in California, after he was convicted of three sexual assaults that happened in Los Angeles between 2004 and 2013. And if the 71 year old makes it to 107 years old, he may have to serve time in England for two sexual assaults that happened in August 1996. That case is still working its way through the British legal system. Bob Weinstein has kept a low profile since his brother's proclivities first became public knowledge in October 2017, although he would also be accused of sexual harassment by a show runner for the brothers' Spike TV-aired adaptation of the Stephen King novel The Mist, several days after the bombshell articles came out about his brother. However, Bob's lawyer, the powerful attorney to the stars Bert Fields, deny the allegations, and it appears nothing has occurred legally since the accusations were made. A few weeks after the start of the MeToo movement that sparked up in the aftermath of the accusations of his brother's actions, Bob Weinstein denied having any knowledge of the nearly thirty years of documented sexual abuse at the hands of his brother, but did allow to an interviewer for The Hollywood Reporter that he had barely spoken to Harvey over the previous five years, saying he could no longer take Harvey's cheating, lying and general attitude towards everyone. And with that, we conclude our journey with Miramax Films. While I am sure Bob and Harvey will likely pop up again in future episodes, they'll be minor characters at best, and we'll never have to focus on anything they did ever again. Thank you for joining us. We'll talk again soon, when Episode 119 is released. Remember to visit this episode's page on our website, The80sMoviePodcast.com, for extra materials about the movies we covered this episode. The 80s Movies Podcast has been researched, written, narrated and edited by Edward Havens for Idiosyncratic Entertainment. Thank you again. Good night.
We finally complete our mini-series on the 1980s movies released by Miramax Films in 1989, a year that included sex, lies, and videotape, and My Left Foot. ----more---- TRANSCRIPT From Los Angeles, California, the Entertainment Capital of the World, it's The 80s Movies Podcast. I am your host, Edward Havens. Thank you for listening today. On this episode, we complete our look back at the 1980s theatrical releases for Miramax Films. And, for the final time, a reminder that we are not celebrating Bob and Harvey Weinstein, but reminiscing about the movies they had no involvement in making. We cannot talk about cinema in the 1980s without talking about Miramax, and I really wanted to get it out of the way, once and for all. As we left Part 4, Miramax was on its way to winning its first Academy Award, Billie August's Pelle the Conquerer, the Scandinavian film that would be second film in a row from Denmark that would win for Best Foreign Language Film. In fact, the first two films Miramax would release in 1989, the Australian film Warm Night on a Slow Moving Train and the Anthony Perkins slasher film Edge of Sanity, would not arrive in theatres until the Friday after the Academy Awards ceremony that year, which was being held on the last Wednesday in March. Warm Nights on a Slow Moving Train stars Wendy Hughes, the talented Australian actress who, sadly, is best remembered today as Lt. Commander Nella Daren, one of Captain Jean-Luc Picard's few love interests, on a 1993 episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, as Jenny, a prostitute working a weekend train to Sydney, who is seduced by a man on the train, unaware that he plans on tricking her to kill someone for him. Colin Friels, another great Aussie actor who unfortunately is best known for playing the corrupt head of Strack Industries in Sam Raimi's Darkman, plays the unnamed man who will do anything to get what he wants. Director Bob Ellis and his co-screenwriter Denny Lawrence came up with the idea for the film while they themselves were traveling on a weekend train to Sydney, with the idea that each client the call girl met on the train would represent some part of the Australian male. Funding the $2.5m film was really simple… provided they cast Hughes in the lead role. Ellis and Lawrence weren't against Hughes as an actress. Any film would be lucky to have her in the lead. They just felt she she didn't have the right kind of sex appeal for this specific character. Miramax would open the film in six theatres, including the Cineplex Beverly Center in Los Angeles and the Fashion Village 8 in Orlando, on March 31st. There were two versions of the movie prepared, one that ran 130 minutes and the other just 91. Miramax would go with the 91 minute version of the film for the American release, and most of the critics would note how clunky and confusing the film felt, although one critic for the Village Voice would have some kind words for Ms. Hughes' performance. Whether it was because moviegoers were too busy seeing the winners of the just announced Academy Awards, including Best Picture winner Rain Man, or because this weekend was also the opening weekend of the new Major League Baseball season, or just turned off by the reviews, attendance at the theatres playing Warm Nights on a Slow Moving Train was as empty as a train dining car at three in the morning. The Beverly Center alone would account for a third of the movie's opening weekend gross of $19,268. After a second weekend at the same six theatres pocketing just $14,382, this train stalled out, never to arrive at another station. Their other March 31st release, Edge of Sanity, is notable for two things and only two things: it would be the first film Miramax would release under their genre specialty label, Millimeter Films, which would eventually evolve into Dimension Films in the next decade, and it would be the final feature film to star Anthony Perkins before his passing in 1992. The film is yet another retelling of the classic 1886 Robert Louis Stevenson story The Strange Case of Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde, with the bonus story twist that Hyde was actually Jack the Ripper. As Jekyll, Perkins looks exactly as you'd expect a mid-fifties Norman Bates to look. As Hyde, Perkins is made to look like he's a backup keyboardist for the first Nine Inch Nails tour. Head Like a Hole would have been an appropriate song for the end credits, had the song or Pretty Hate Machine been released by that time, with its lyrics about bowing down before the one you serve and getting what you deserve. Edge of Sanity would open in Atlanta and Indianapolis on March 31st. And like so many other Miramax releases in the 1980s, they did not initially announce any grosses for the film. That is, until its fourth weekend of release, when the film's theatre count had fallen to just six, down from the previous week's previously unannounced 35, grossing just $9,832. Miramax would not release grosses for the film again, with a final total of just $102,219. Now when I started this series, I said that none of the films Miramax released in the 1980s were made by Miramax, but this next film would become the closest they would get during the decade. In July 1961, John Profumo was the Secretary of State for War in the conservative government of British Prime Minister Harold Macmillan, when the married Profumo began a sexual relationship with a nineteen-year-old model named Christine Keeler. The affair was very short-lived, either ending, depending on the source, in August 1961 or December 1961. Unbeknownst to Profumo, Keeler was also having an affair with Yevgeny Ivanov, a senior naval attache at the Soviet Embassy at the same time. No one was the wiser on any of this until December 1962, when a shooting incident involving two other men Keeler had been involved with led the press to start looking into Keeler's life. While it was never proven that his affair with Keeler was responsible for any breaches of national security, John Profumo was forced to resign from his position in June 1963, and the scandal would take down most of the Torie government with him. Prime Minister Macmillan would resign due to “health reasons” in October 1963, and the Labour Party would take control of the British government when the next elections were held in October 1964. Scandal was originally planned in the mid-1980s as a three-part, five-hour miniseries by Australian screenwriter Michael Thomas and American music producer turned movie producer Joe Boyd. The BBC would commit to finance a two-part, three-hour miniseries, until someone at the network found an old memo from the time of the Profumo scandal that forbade them from making any productions about it. Channel 4, which had been producing quality shows and movies for several years since their start in 1982, was approached, but rejected the series on the grounds of taste. Palace Pictures, a British production company who had already produced three films for Neil Jordan including Mona Lisa, was willing to finance the script, provided it could be whittled down to a two hour movie. Originally budgeted at 3.2m British pounds, the costs would rise as they started the casting process. John Hurt, twice Oscar-nominated for his roles in Midnight Express and The Elephant Man, would sign on to play Stephen Ward, a British osteopath who acted as Christine Keeler's… well… pimp, for lack of a better word. Ian McKellen, a respected actor on British stages and screens but still years away from finding mainstream global success in the X-Men movies, would sign on to play John Profumo. Joanne Whaley, who had filmed the yet to be released at that time Willow with her soon to be husband Val Kilmer, would get her first starring role as Keeler, and Bridget Fonda, who was quickly making a name for herself in the film world after being featured in Aria, would play Mandy Rice-Davies, the best friend and co-worker of Keeler's. To save money, Palace Pictures would sign thirty-year-old Scottish filmmaker Michael Caton-Jones to direct, after seeing a short film he had made called The Riveter. But even with the neophyte feature filmmaker, Palace still needed about $2.35m to be able to fully finance the film. And they knew exactly who to go to. Stephen Woolley, the co-founder of Palace Pictures and the main producer on the film, would fly from London to New York City to personally pitch Harvey and Bob Weinstein. Woolley felt that of all the independent distributors in America, they would be the ones most attracted to the sexual and controversial nature of the story. A day later, Woolley was back on a plane to London. The Weinsteins had agreed to purchase the American distribution rights to Scandal for $2.35m. The film would spend two months shooting in the London area through the summer of 1988. Christine Keeler had no interest in the film, and refused to meet the now Joanne Whaley-Kilmer to talk about the affair, but Mandy Rice-Davies was more than happy to Bridget Fonda about her life, although the meetings between the two women were so secret, they would not come out until Woolley eulogized Rice-Davies after her 2014 death. Although Harvey and Bob would be given co-executive producers on the film, Miramax was not a production company on the film. This, however, did not stop Harvey from flying to London multiple times, usually when he was made aware of some sexy scene that was going to shoot the following day, and try to insinuate himself into the film's making. At one point, Woolley decided to take a weekend off from the production, and actually did put Harvey in charge. That weekend's shoot would include a skinny-dipping scene featuring the Christine Keeler character, but when Whaley-Kilmer learned Harvey was going to be there, she told the director that she could not do the nudity in the scene. Her new husband was objecting to it, she told them. Harvey, not skipping a beat, found a lookalike for the actress who would be willing to bare all as a body double, and the scene would begin shooting a few hours later. Whaley-Kilmer watched the shoot from just behind the camera, and stopped the shoot a few minutes later. She was not happy that the body double's posterior was notably larger than her own, and didn't want audiences to think she had that much junk in her trunk. The body double was paid for her day, and Whaley-Kilmer finished the rest of the scene herself. Caton-Jones and his editing team worked on shaping the film through the fall, and would screen his first edit of the film for Palace Pictures and the Weinsteins in November 1988. And while Harvey was very happy with the cut, he still asked the production team for a different edit for American audiences, noting that most Americans had no idea who Profumo or Keeler or Rice-Davies were, and that Americans would need to understand the story more right out of the first frame. Caton-Jones didn't want to cut a single frame, but he would work with Harvey to build an American-friendly cut. While he was in London in November 1988, he would meet with the producers of another British film that was in pre-production at the time that would become another important film to the growth of the company, but we're not quite at that part of the story yet. We'll circle around to that film soon. One of the things Harvey was most looking forward to going in to 1989 was the expected battle with the MPAA ratings board over Scandal. Ever since he had seen the brouhaha over Angel Heart's X rating two years earlier, he had been looking for a similar battle. He thought he had it with Aria in 1988, but he knew he definitely had it now. And he'd be right. In early March, just a few weeks before the film's planned April 21st opening day, the MPAA slapped an X rating on Scandal. The MPAA usually does not tell filmmakers or distributors what needs to be cut, in order to avoid accusations of actual censorship, but according to Harvey, they told him exactly what needed to be cut to get an R: a two second shot during an orgy scene, where it appears two background characters are having unsimulated sex. So what did Harvey do? He spent weeks complaining to the press about MPAA censorship, generating millions in free publicity for the film, all the while already having a close-up shot of Joanne Whaley-Kilmer's Christine Keeler watching the orgy but not participating in it, ready to replace the objectionable shot. A few weeks later, Miramax screened the “edited” film to the MPAA and secured the R rating, and the film would open on 94 screens, including 28 each in the New York City and Los Angeles metro regions, on April 28th. And while the reviews for the film were mostly great, audiences were drawn to the film for the Miramax-manufactured controversy as well as the key art for the film, a picture of a potentially naked Joanne Whaley-Kilmer sitting backwards in a chair, a mimic of a very famous photo Christine Keeler herself took to promote a movie about the Profumo affair she appeared in a few years after the events. I'll have a picture of both the Scandal poster and the Christine Keeler photo on this episode's page at The80sMoviePodcast.com Five other movies would open that weekend, including the James Belushi comedy K-9 and the Kevin Bacon drama Criminal Law, and Scandal, with $658k worth of ticket sales, would have the second best per screen average of the five new openers, just a few hundred dollars below the new Holly Hunter movie Miss Firecracker, which only opened on six screens. In its second weekend, Scandal would expand its run to 214 playdates, and make its debut in the national top ten, coming in tenth place with $981k. That would be more than the second week of the Patrick Dempsey rom-com Loverboy, even though Loverboy was playing on 5x as many screens. In weekend number three, Scandal would have its best overall gross and top ten placement, coming in seventh with $1.22m from 346 screens. Scandal would start to slowly fade after that, falling back out of the top ten in its sixth week, but Miramax would wisely keep the screen count under 375, because Scandal wasn't going to play well in all areas of the country. After nearly five months in theatres, Miramax would have its biggest film to date. Scandal would gross $8.8m. The second release from Millimeter Films was The Return of the Swamp Thing. And if you needed a reason why the 1980s was not a good time for comic book movies, here you are. The Return of the Swamp Thing took most of what made the character interesting in his comic series, and most of what was good from the 1982 Wes Craven adaptation, and decided “Hey, you know what would bring the kids in? Camp! Camp unseen in a comic book adaptation since the 1960s Batman series. They loved it then, they'll love it now!” They did not love it now. Heather Locklear, between her stints on T.J. Hooker and Melrose Place, plays the step-daughter of Louis Jourdan's evil Dr. Arcane from the first film, who heads down to the Florida swaps to confront dear old once presumed dead stepdad. He in turns kidnaps his stepdaughter and decides to do some of his genetic experiments on her, until she is rescued by Swamp Thing, one of Dr. Arcane's former co-workers who got turned into the gooey anti-hero in the first movie. The film co-stars Sarah Douglas from Superman 1 and 2 as Dr. Arcane's assistant, Dick Durock reprising his role as Swamp Thing from the first film, and 1980s B-movie goddess Monique Gabrielle as Miss Poinsettia. For director Jim Wynorski, this was his sixth movie as a director, and at $3m, one of the highest budgeted movies he would ever make. He's directed 107 movies since 1984, most of them low budget direct to video movies with titles like The Bare Wench Project and Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade, although he does have one genuine horror classic under his belt, the 1986 sci-fi tinged Chopping Maul with Kelli Maroney and Barbara Crampton. Wynorski suggested in a late 1990s DVD commentary for the film that he didn't particularly enjoy making the film, and had a difficult time directing Louis Jourdan, to the point that outside of calling “action” and “cut,” the two didn't speak to each other by the end of the shoot. The Return of Swamp Thing would open in 123 theatres in the United States on May 12th, including 28 in the New York City metro region, 26 in the Los Angeles area, 15 in Detroit, and a handful of theatres in Phoenix, San Francisco. And, strangely, the newspaper ads would include an actual positive quote from none other than Roger Ebert, who said on Siskel & Ebert that he enjoyed himself, and that it was good to have Swamp Thing back. Siskel would not reciprocate his balcony partner's thumb up. But Siskel was about the only person who was positive on the return of Swamp Thing, and that box office would suffer. In its first three days, the film would gross just $119,200. After a couple more dismal weeks in theatres, The Return of Swamp Thing would be pulled from distribution, with a final gross of just $275k. Fun fact: The Return of Swamp Thing was produced by Michael E. Uslan, whose next production, another adaptation of a DC Comics character, would arrive in theatres not six weeks later and become the biggest film of the summer. In fact, Uslan has been a producer or executive producer on every Batman-related movie and television show since 1989, from Tim Burton to Christopher Nolan to Zack Snyder to Matt Reeves, and from LEGO movies to Joker. He also, because of his ownership of the movie rights to Swamp Thing, got the movie screen rights, but not the television screen rights, to John Constantine. Miramax didn't have too much time to worry about The Return of Swamp Thing's release, as it was happening while the Brothers Weinstein were at the 1989 Cannes Film Festival. They had two primary goals at Cannes that year: To buy American distribution rights to any movie that would increase their standing in the cinematic worldview, which they would achieve by picking up an Italian dramedy called, at the time, New Paradise Cinema, which was competing for the Palme D'Or with a Miramax pickup from Sundance back in January. Promote that very film, which did end up winning the Palme D'Or. Ever since he was a kid, Steven Soderbergh wanted to be a filmmaker. Growing up in Baton Rouge, LA in the late 1970s, he would enroll in the LSU film animation class, even though he was only 15 and not yet a high school graduate. After graduating high school, he decided to move to Hollywood to break into the film industry, renting an above-garage room from Stephen Gyllenhaal, the filmmaker best known as the father of Jake and Maggie, but after a few freelance editing jobs, Soderbergh packed up his things and headed home to Baton Rouge. Someone at Atco Records saw one of Soderbergh's short films, and hired him to direct a concert movie for one of their biggest bands at the time, Yes, who was enjoying a major comeback thanks to their 1983 triple platinum selling album, 90125. The concert film, called 9012Live, would premiere on MTV in late 1985, and it would be nominated for a Grammy Award for Best Long Form Music Video. Soderbergh would use the money he earned from that project, $7,500, to make Winston, a 12 minute black and white short about sexual deception that he would, over the course of an eight day driving trip from Baton Rouge to Los Angeles, expand to a full length screen that he would call sex, lies and videotape. In later years, Soderbergh would admit that part of the story is autobiographical, but not the part you might think. Instead of the lead, Graham, an impotent but still sexually perverse late twentysomething who likes to tape women talking about their sexual fantasies for his own pleasure later, Soderbergh based the husband John, the unsophisticated lawyer who cheats on his wife with her sister, on himself, although there would be a bit of Graham that borrows from the filmmaker. Like his lead character, Soderbergh did sell off most of his possessions and hit the road to live a different life. When he finished the script, he sent it out into the wilds of Hollywood. Morgan Mason, the son of actor James Mason and husband of Go-Go's lead singer Belinda Carlisle, would read it and sign on as an executive producer. Soderbergh had wanted to shoot the film in black and white, like he had with the Winston short that lead to the creation of this screenplay, but he and Mason had trouble getting anyone to commit to the project, even with only a projected budget of $200,000. For a hot moment, it looked like Universal might sign on to make the film, but they would eventually pass. Robert Newmyer, who had left his job as a vice president of production and acquisitions at Columbia Pictures to start his own production company, signed on as a producer, and helped to convince Soderbergh to shoot the film in color, and cast some name actors in the leading roles. Once he acquiesced, Richard Branson's Virgin Vision agreed to put up $540k of the newly budgeted $1.2m film, while RCA/Columbia Home Video would put up the remaining $660k. Soderbergh and his casting director, Deborah Aquila, would begin their casting search in New York, where they would meet with, amongst others, Andie MacDowell, who had already starred in two major Hollywood pictures, 1984's Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes, and 1985's St. Elmo's Fire, but was still considered more of a top model than an actress, and Laura San Giacomo, who had recently graduated from the Carnegie Mellon School of Drama in Pittsburgh and would be making her feature debut. Moving on to Los Angeles, Soderbergh and Aquila would cast James Spader, who had made a name for himself as a mostly bad guy in 80s teen movies like Pretty in Pink and Less Than Zero, but had never been the lead in a drama like this. At Spader's suggestion, the pair met with Peter Gallagher, who was supposed to become a star nearly a decade earlier from his starring role in Taylor Hackford's The Idolmaker, but had mostly been playing supporting roles in television shows and movies for most of the decade. In order to keep the budget down, Soderbergh, the producers, cinematographer Walt Lloyd and the four main cast members agreed to get paid their guild minimums in exchange for a 50/50 profit participation split with RCA/Columbia once the film recouped its costs. The production would spend a week in rehearsals in Baton Rouge, before the thirty day shoot began on August 1st, 1988. On most days, the shoot was unbearable for many, as temperatures would reach as high as 110 degrees outside, but there were a couple days lost to what cinematographer Lloyd said was “biblical rains.” But the shoot completed as scheduled, and Soderbergh got to the task of editing right away. He knew he only had about eight weeks to get a cut ready if the film was going to be submitted to the 1989 U.S. Film Festival, now better known as Sundance. He did get a temporary cut of the film ready for submission, with a not quite final sound mix, and the film was accepted to the festival. It would make its world premiere on January 25th, 1989, in Park City UT, and as soon as the first screening was completed, the bids from distributors came rolling in. Larry Estes, the head of RCA/Columbia Home Video, would field more than a dozen submissions before the end of the night, but only one distributor was ready to make a deal right then and there. Bob Weinstein wasn't totally sold on the film, but he loved the ending, and he loved that the word “sex” not only was in the title but lead the title. He knew that title alone would sell the movie. Harvey, who was still in New York the next morning, called Estes to make an appointment to meet in 24 hours. When he and Estes met, he brought with him three poster mockups the marketing department had prepared, and told Estes he wasn't going to go back to New York until he had a contract signed, and vowed to beat any other deal offered by $100,000. Island Pictures, who had made their name releasing movies like Stop Making Sense, Kiss of the Spider-Woman, The Trip to Bountiful and She's Gotta Have It, offered $1m for the distribution rights, plus a 30% distribution fee and a guaranteed $1m prints and advertising budget. Estes called Harvey up and told him what it would take to make the deal. $1.1m for the distribution rights, which needed to paid up front, a $1m P&A budget, to be put in escrow upon the signing of the contract until the film was released, a 30% distribution fee, no cutting of the film whatsoever once Soderbergh turns in his final cut, they would need to provide financial information for the films costs and returns once a month because of the profit participation contracts, and the Weinsteins would have to hire Ira Deutchman, who had spent nearly 15 years in the independent film world, doing marketing for Cinema 5, co-founding United Artists Classics, and co-founding Cinecom Pictures before opening his own company to act as a producers rep and marketer. And the Weinsteins would not only have to do exactly what Deutchman wanted, they'd have to pay for his services too. The contract was signed a few weeks later. The first move Miramax would make was to get Soderbergh's final cut of the film entered into the Cannes Film Festival, where it would be accepted to compete in the main competition. Which you kind of already know what happened, because that's what I lead with. The film would win the Palme D'Or, and Spader would be awarded the festival's award for Best Actor. It was very rare at the time, and really still is, for any film to be awarded more than one prize, so winning two was really a coup for the film and for Miramax, especially when many critics attending the festival felt Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing was the better film. In March, Miramax expected the film to make around $5-10m, which would net the company a small profit on the film. After Cannes, they were hopeful for a $15m gross. They never expected what would happen next. On August 4th, sex, lies, and videotape would open on four screens, at the Cinema Studio in New York City, and at the AMC Century 14, the Cineplex Beverly Center 13 and the Mann Westwood 4 in Los Angeles. Three prime theatres and the best they could do in one of the then most competitive zones in all America. Remember, it's still the Summer 1989 movie season, filled with hits like Batman, Dead Poets Society, Ghostbusters 2, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Honey I Shrunk the Kids, Lethal Weapon 2, Parenthood, Turner & Hooch, and When Harry Met Sally. An independent distributor even getting one screen at the least attractive theatre in Westwood was a major get. And despite the fact that this movie wasn't really a summertime movie per se, the film would gross an incredible $156k in its first weekend from just these four theatres. Its nearly $40k per screen average would be 5x higher than the next closest film, Parenthood. In its second weekend, the film would expand to 28 theatres, and would bring in over $600k in ticket sales, its per screen average of $21,527 nearly triple its closest competitor, Parenthood again. The company would keep spending small, as it slowly expanded the film each successive week. Forty theatres in its third week, and 101 in its fourth. The numbers held strong, and in its fifth week, Labor Day weekend, the film would have its first big expansion, playing in 347 theatres. The film would enter the top ten for the first time, despite playing in 500 to 1500 fewer theatres than the other films in the top ten. In its ninth weekend, the film would expand to its biggest screen count, 534, before slowly drawing down as the other major Oscar contenders started their theatrical runs. The film would continue to play through the Oscar season of 1989, and when it finally left theatres in May 1989, its final gross would be an astounding $24.7m. Now, remember a few moments ago when I said that Miramax needed to provide financial statements every month for the profit participation contracts of Soderbergh, the producers, the cinematographer and the four lead actors? The film was so profitable for everyone so quickly that RCA/Columbia made its first profit participation payouts on October 17th, barely ten weeks after the film's opening. That same week, Soderbergh also made what was at the time the largest deal with a book publisher for the writer/director's annotated version of the screenplay, which would also include his notes created during the creation of the film. That $75,000 deal would be more than he got paid to make the movie as the writer and the director and the editor, not counting the profit participation checks. During the awards season, sex, lies, and videotape was considered to be one of the Oscars front runners for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Screenplay and at least two acting nominations. The film would be nominated for Best Picture, Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress by the Golden Globes, and it would win the Spirit Awards for Best Picture, Soderbergh for Best Director, McDowell for Best Actress, and San Giacomo for Best Supporting Actress. But when the Academy Award nominations were announced, the film would only receive one nomination, for Best Original Screenplay. The same total and category as Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing, which many people also felt had a chance for a Best Picture and Best Director nomination. Both films would lose out to Tom Shulman's screenplay for Dead Poet's Society. The success of sex, lies, and videotape would launch Steven Soderbergh into one of the quirkiest Hollywood careers ever seen, including becoming the first and only director ever to be nominated twice for Best Director in the same year by the Motion Picture Academy, the Golden Globes and the Directors Guild of America, in 2001 for directing Erin Brockovich and Traffic. He would win the Oscar for directing Traffic. Lost in the excitement of sex, lies, and videotape was The Little Thief, a French movie that had an unfortunate start as the screenplay François Truffaut was working on when he passed away in 1984 at the age of just 52. Directed by Claude Miller, whose principal mentor was Truffaut, The Little Thief starred seventeen year old Charlotte Gainsbourg as Janine, a young woman in post-World War II France who commits a series of larcenies to support her dreams of becoming wealthy. The film was a modest success in France when it opened in December 1988, but its American release date of August 25th, 1989, was set months in advance. So when it was obvious sex, lies, and videotape was going to be a bigger hit than they originally anticipated, it was too late for Miramax to pause the release of The Little Thief. Opening at the Lincoln Plaza Cinemas in New York City, and buoyed by favorable reviews from every major critic in town, The Little Thief would see $39,931 worth of ticket sales in its first seven days, setting a new house record at the theatre for the year. In its second week, the gross would only drop $47. For the entire week. And when it opened at the Royal Theatre in West Los Angeles, its opening week gross of $30,654 would also set a new house record for the year. The film would expand slowly but surely over the next several weeks, often in single screen playdates in major markets, but it would never play on more than twenty-four screens in any given week. And after four months in theatres, The Little Thief, the last movie created one of the greatest film writers the world had ever seen, would only gross $1.056m in the United States. The next three releases from Miramax were all sent out under the Millimeter Films banner. The first, a supernatural erotic drama called The Girl in a Swing, was about an English antiques dealer who travels to Copenhagen where he meets and falls in love with a mysterious German-born secretary, whom he marries, only to discover a darker side to his new bride. Rupert Frazer, who played Christian Bale's dad in Steven Spielberg's Empire of the Sun, plays the antique dealer, while Meg Tilly the mysterious new bride. Filmed over a five week schedule in London and Copenhagen during May and June 1988, some online sources say the film first opened somewhere in California in December 1988, but I cannot find a single theatre not only in California but anywhere in the United States that played the film before its September 29th, 1989 opening date. Roger Ebert didn't like the film, and wished Meg Tilly's “genuinely original performance” was in a better movie. Opening in 26 theatres, including six theatres each in New York City and Los Angeles, and spurred on by an intriguing key art for the film that featured a presumed naked Tilly on a swing looking seductively at the camera while a notice underneath her warns that No One Under 18 Will Be Admitted To The Theatre, The Girl in a Swing would gross $102k, good enough for 35th place nationally that week. And that's about the best it would do. The film would limp along, moving from market to market over the course of the next three months, and when its theatrical run was complete, it could only manage about $747k in ticket sales. We'll quickly burn through the next two Millimeter Films releases, which came out a week apart from each other and didn't amount to much. Animal Behavior was a rather unfunny comedy featuring some very good actors who probably signed on for a very different movie than the one that came to be. Karen Allen, Miss Marion Ravenwood herself, stars as Alex, a biologist who, like Dr. Jane Goodall, develops a “new” way to communicate with chimpanzees via sign language. Armand Assante plays a cellist who pursues the good doctor, and Holly Hunter plays the cellist's neighbor, who Alex mistakes for his wife. Animal Behavior was filmed in 1984, and 1985, and 1987, and 1988. The initial production was directed by Jenny Bowen with the assistance of Robert Redford and The Sundance Institute, thanks to her debut film, 1981's Street Music featuring Elizabeth Daily. It's unknown why Bowen and her cinematographer husband Richard Bowen left the project, but when filming resumed again and again and again, those scenes were directed by the film's producer, Kjehl Rasmussen. Because Bowen was not a member of the DGA at the time, she was not able to petition the guild for the use of the Alan Smithee pseudonym, a process that is automatically triggered whenever a director is let go of a project and filming continues with its producer taking the reigns as director. But she was able to get the production to use a pseudonym anyway for the director's credit, H. Anne Riley, while also giving Richard Bowen a pseudonym of his own for his work on the film, David Spellvin. Opening on 24 screens on October 27th, Animal Behavior would come in 50th place in its opening weekend, grossing just $20,361. The New York film critics ripped the film apart, and there wouldn't be a second weekend for the film. The following Friday, November 3rd, saw the release of The Stepfather II, a rushed together sequel to 1987's The Stepfather, which itself wasn't a big hit in theatres but found a very quick and receptive audience on cable. Despite dying at the end of the first film, Terry O'Quinn's Jerry is somehow still alive, and institutionalized in Northern Washington state. He escapes and heads down to Los Angeles, where he assumes the identity of a recently deceased publisher, Gene Clifford, but instead passes himself off as a psychiatrist. Jerry, now Gene, begins to court his neighbor Carol, and the whole crazy story plays out again. Meg Foster plays the neighbor Carol, and Jonathan Brandis is her son. Director Jeff Burr had made a name for himself with his 1987 horror anthology film From a Whisper to a Scream, featuring Vincent Price, Clu Gulager and Terry Kiser, and from all accounts, had a very smooth shooting process with this film. The trouble began when he turned in his cut to the producers. The producers were happy with the film, but when they sent it to Miramax, the American distributors, they were rather unhappy with the almost bloodless slasher film. They demanded reshoots, which Burr and O'Quinn refused to participate in. They brought in a new director, Doug Campbell, to handle the reshoots, which are easy to spot in the final film because they look and feel completely different from the scenes they're spliced into. When it opened, The Stepfather II actually grossed slightly more than the first film did, earning $279k from 100 screens, compared to $260k for The Stepfather from 105 screens. But unlike the first film, which had some decent reviews when it opened, the sequel was a complete mess. To this day, it's still one of the few films to have a 0% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and The Stepfather II would limp its way through theatres during the Christmas holiday season, ending its run with a $1.5m gross. But it would be their final film of the decade that would dictate their course for at least the first part of the 1990s. Remember when I said earlier in the episode that Harvey Weinstein meant with the producers of another British film while in London for Scandal? We're at that film now, a film you probably know. My Left Foot. By November 1988, actor Daniel Day-Lewis had starred in several movies including James Ivory's A Room With a View and Philip Kaufman's The Unbearable Lightness of Being. He had even been the lead in a major Hollywood studio film, Pat O'Connor's Stars and Bars, a very good film that unfortunately got caught up in the brouhaha over the exit of the studio head who greenlit the film, David Puttnam. The film's director, Jim Sheridan, had never directed a movie before. He had become involved in stage production during his time at the University College in Dublin in the late 1960s, where he worked with future filmmaker Neil Jordan, and had spent nearly a decade after graduation doing stage work in Ireland and Canada, before settling in New York City in the early 1980s. Sheridan would go to New York University's Tisch School of the Arts, where one of his classmates was Spike Lee, and return to Ireland after graduating. He was nearly forty, married with two pre-teen daughters, and he needed to make a statement with his first film. He would find that story in the autobiography of Irish writer and painter Christy Brown, whose spirit and creativity could not be contained by his severe cerebral palsy. Along with Irish actor and writer Shane Connaughton, Sheridan wrote a screenplay that could be a powerhouse film made on a very tight budget of less than a million dollars. Daniel Day-Lewis was sent a copy of the script, in the hopes he would be intrigued enough to take almost no money to play a physically demanding role. He read the opening pages, which had the adult Christy Brown putting a record on a record player and dropping the needle on to the record with his left foot, and thought to himself it would be impossible to film. That intrigued him, and he signed on. But during filming in January and February of 1989, most of the scenes were shot using mirrors, as Day-Lewis couldn't do the scenes with his left foot. He could do them with his right foot, hence the mirrors. As a method actor, Day-Lewis remained in character as Christy Brown for the entire two month shoot. From costume fittings and makeup in the morning, to getting the actor on set, to moving him around between shots, there were crew members assigned to assist the actor as if they were Christy Brown's caretakers themselves, including feeding him during breaks in shooting. A rumor debunked by the actor years later said Day-Lewis had broken two ribs during production because of how hunched down he needed to be in his crude prop wheelchair to properly play the character. The actor had done a lot of prep work to play the role, including spending time at the Sandymount School Clinic where the young Christy Brown got his education, and much of his performance was molded on those young people. While Miramax had acquired the American distribution rights to the film before it went into production, and those funds went into the production of the film, the film was not produced by Miramax, nor were the Weinsteins given any kind of executive producer credit, as they were able to get themselves on Scandal. My Left Foot would make its world premiere at the Montreal World Film Festival on September 4th, 1989, followed soon thereafter by screening at the Toronto International Film Festival on September 13th and the New York Film Festival on September 23rd. Across the board, critics and audiences were in love with the movie, and with Daniel Day-Lewis's performance. Jim Sheridan would receive a special prize at the Montreal World Film Festival for his direction, and Day-Lewis would win the festival's award for Best Actor. However, as the film played the festival circuit, another name would start to pop up. Brenda Fricker, a little known Irish actress who played Christy Brown's supportive but long-suffering mother Bridget, would pile up as many positive notices and awards as Day-Lewis. Although there was no Best Supporting Actress Award at the Montreal Film Festival, the judges felt her performance was deserving of some kind of attention, so they would create a Special Mention of the Jury Award to honor her. Now, some sources online will tell you the film made its world premiere in Dublin on February 24th, 1989, based on a passage in a biography about Daniel Day-Lewis, but that would be impossible as the film would still be in production for two more days, and wasn't fully edited or scored by then. I'm not sure when it first opened in the United Kingdom other than sometime in early 1990, but My Left Foot would have its commercial theatre debut in America on November 10th, when opened at the Lincoln Plaza Cinemas in New York City and the Century City 14 in Los Angeles. Sheila Benson of the Los Angeles Times would, in the very opening paragraph of her review, note that one shouldn't see My Left Foot for some kind of moral uplift or spiritual merit badge, but because of your pure love of great moviemaking. Vincent Canby's review in the New York Times spends most of his words praising Day-Lewis and Sheridan for making a film that is polite and non-judgmental. Interestingly, Miramax went with an ad campaign that completely excluded any explanation of who Christy Brown was or why the film is titled the way it is. 70% of the ad space is taken from pull quotes from many of the top critics of the day, 20% with the title of the film, and 10% with a picture of Daniel Day-Lewis, clean shaven and full tooth smile, which I don't recall happening once in the movie, next to an obviously added-in picture of one of his co-stars that is more camera-friendly than Brenda Fricker or Fiona Shaw. Whatever reasons people went to see the film, they flocked to the two theatres playing the film that weekend. It's $20,582 per screen average would be second only to Kenneth Branagh's Henry V, which had opened two days earlier, earning slightly more than $1,000 per screen than My Left Foot. In week two, My Left Foot would gross another $35,133 from those two theatres, and it would overtake Henry V for the highest per screen average. In week three, Thanksgiving weekend, both Henry V and My Left Foot saw a a double digit increase in grosses despite not adding any theatres, and the latter film would hold on to the highest per screen average again, although the difference would only be $302. And this would continue for weeks. In the film's sixth week of release, it would get a boost in attention by being awarded Best Film of the Year by the New York Film Critics Circle. Daniel Day-Lewis would be named Best Actor that week by both the New York critics and the Los Angeles Film Critics Association, while Fricker would win the Best Supporting Actress award from the latter group. But even then, Miramax refused to budge on expanding the film until its seventh week of release, Christmas weekend, when My Left Foot finally moved into cities like Chicago and San Francisco. Its $135k gross that weekend was good, but it was starting to lose ground to other Oscar hopefuls like Born on the Fourth of July, Driving Miss Daisy, Enemies: A Love Story, and Glory. And even though the film continued to rack up award win after award win, nomination after nomination, from the Golden Globes and the Writers Guild and the National Society of Film Critics and the National Board of Review, Miramax still held firm on not expanding the film into more than 100 theatres nationwide until its 16th week in theatres, February 16th, 1990, two days after the announcement of the nominees for the 62nd Annual Academy Awards. While Daniel Day-Lewis's nomination for Best Actor was virtually assured and Brenda Fricker was practically a given, the film would pick up three other nominations, including surprise nominations for Best Picture and Best Director. Jim Sheridan and co-writer Shane Connaughton would also get picked for Best Adapted Screenplay. Miramax also picked up a nomination for Best Original Screenplay for sex, lies, and videotape, and a Best Foreign Language Film nod for the Italian movie Cinema Paradiso, which, thanks to the specific rules for that category, a film could get a nomination before actually opening in theatres in America, which Miramax would rush to do with Paradiso the week after its nomination was announced. The 62nd Academy Awards ceremony would be best remembered today as being the first Oscar show to be hosted by Billy Crystal, and for being considerably better than the previous year's ceremony, a mess of a show best remembered as being the one with a 12 minute opening musical segment that included Rob Lowe singing Proud Mary to an actress playing Snow White and another nine minute musical segment featuring a slew of expected future Oscar winners that, to date, feature exact zero Oscar nominees, both which rank as amongst the worst things to ever happen to the Oscars awards show. The ceremony, held on March 26th, would see My Left Foot win two awards, Best Actor and Best Supporting Actress, as well as Cinema Paradiso for Best Foreign Film. The following weekend, March 30th, would see Miramax expand My Left Foot to 510 theatres, its widest point of release, and see the film made the national top ten and earn more than a million dollars for its one and only time during its eight month run. The film would lose steam pretty quickly after its post-win bump, but it would eek out a modest run that ended with $14.75m in ticket sales just in the United States. Not bad for a little Irish movie with no major stars that cost less than a million dollars to make. Of course, the early 90s would see Miramax fly to unimagined heights. In all of the 80s, Miramax would release 39 movies. They would release 30 films alone in 1991. They would release the first movies from Jean-Pierre Jeunet, Quentin Tarantino and Kevin Smith. They'd release some of the best films from some of the best filmmakers in the world, including Woody Allen, Pedro Almadovar, Robert Altman, Bernardo Bertolucci, Atom Egoyan, Steven Frears, Peter Greenaway, Peter Jackson, Neil Jordan, Chen Kaige, Krzysztof Kieślowski, Lars von Trier, and Zhang Yimou. In 1993, the Mexican dramedy Like Water for Chocolate would become the highest grossing foreign language film ever released in America, and it would play in some theatres, including my theatre, the NuWilshire in Santa Monica, continuously for more than a year. If you've listened to the whole series on the 1980s movies of Miramax Films, there are two things I hope you take away. First, I hope you discovered at least one film you hadn't heard of before and you might be interested in searching out. The second is the reminder that neither Bob nor Harvey Weinstein will profit in any way if you give any of the movies talked about in this series a chance. They sold Miramax to Disney in June 1993. They left Miramax in September 2005. Many of the contracts for the movies the company released in the 80s and 90s expired decades ago, with the rights reverting back to their original producers, none of whom made any deals with the Weinsteins once they got their rights back. Harvey Weinstein is currently serving a 23 year prison sentence in upstate New York after being found guilty in 2020 of two sexual assaults. Once he completes that sentence, he'll be spending another 16 years in prison in California, after he was convicted of three sexual assaults that happened in Los Angeles between 2004 and 2013. And if the 71 year old makes it to 107 years old, he may have to serve time in England for two sexual assaults that happened in August 1996. That case is still working its way through the British legal system. Bob Weinstein has kept a low profile since his brother's proclivities first became public knowledge in October 2017, although he would also be accused of sexual harassment by a show runner for the brothers' Spike TV-aired adaptation of the Stephen King novel The Mist, several days after the bombshell articles came out about his brother. However, Bob's lawyer, the powerful attorney to the stars Bert Fields, deny the allegations, and it appears nothing has occurred legally since the accusations were made. A few weeks after the start of the MeToo movement that sparked up in the aftermath of the accusations of his brother's actions, Bob Weinstein denied having any knowledge of the nearly thirty years of documented sexual abuse at the hands of his brother, but did allow to an interviewer for The Hollywood Reporter that he had barely spoken to Harvey over the previous five years, saying he could no longer take Harvey's cheating, lying and general attitude towards everyone. And with that, we conclude our journey with Miramax Films. While I am sure Bob and Harvey will likely pop up again in future episodes, they'll be minor characters at best, and we'll never have to focus on anything they did ever again. Thank you for joining us. We'll talk again soon, when Episode 119 is released. Remember to visit this episode's page on our website, The80sMoviePodcast.com, for extra materials about the movies we covered this episode. The 80s Movies Podcast has been researched, written, narrated and edited by Edward Havens for Idiosyncratic Entertainment. Thank you again. Good night.
Summer hiatus is outta here, so Jordan and Shapiro are back to answer audience questions and it's all Paris and San Sebastian reccommendations, Papa Cristos gyro, 818 Kismet Rotiss, coffee is healthy and Max doesn't care, Poltergierst at Button Mash, IG food reviewers, Michelin talk, the post-Animal tres leches game, weight loss and gain, more Beverly Center slander, L.A. sushi talk, Found Oyster vs. Queen Street, and the five hour boozed out Gjelina brunch.
On this episode, we are continuing our miniseries on the movies released by Miramax Films in the 1980s, specifically looking at the films they released between 1984 and 1986. ----more---- TRANSCRIPT From Los Angeles, California. The Entertainment Capital of the World. It's the 80s Movie Podcast. I am your host, Edward Havens. Thank you for listening today. On this episode, we are continuing our miniseries on the movies released by Miramax Films in the 1980s. And, in case you did not listen to Part 1 yet, let me reiterate that the focus here will be on the films and the creatives, not the Weinsteins. The Weinsteins did not have a hand in the production of any of the movies Miramax released in the 1980s, and that Miramax logo and the names associated with it should not stop anyone from enjoying some very well made movies because they now have an unfortunate association with two spineless chucklenuts who proclivities would not be known by the outside world for decades to come. Well, there is one movie this episode where we must talk about the Weinsteins as the creatives, but when talking about that film, “creatives” is a derisive pejorative. We ended our previous episode at the end of 1983. Miramax had one minor hit film in The Secret Policeman's Other Ball, thanks in large part to the film's association with members of the still beloved Monty Python comedy troupe, who hadn't released any material since The Life of Brian in 1979. 1984 would be the start of year five of the company, and they were still in need of something to make their name. Being a truly independent film company in 1984 was not easy. There were fewer than 20,000 movie screens in the entire country back then, compared to nearly 40,000 today. National video store chains like Blockbuster did not exist, and the few cable channels that did exist played mostly Hollywood films. There was no social media for images and clips to go viral. For comparison's sake, in A24's first five years, from its founding in August 2012 to July 2017, the company would have a number of hit films, including The Bling Ring, The Lobster, Spring Breakers, and The Witch, release movies from some of indie cinema's most respected names, including Andrea Arnold, Robert Eggers, Atom Egoyan, Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, Lynn Shelton, Trey Edward Shults, Gus Van Sant, and Denis Villeneuve, and released several Academy Award winning movies, including the Amy Winehouse documentary Amy, Alex Garland's Ex Machina, Lenny Abrahamson's Room and Barry Jenkins' Moonlight, which would upset front runner La La Land for the Best Picture of 2016. But instead of leaning into the American independent cinema world the way Cinecom and Island were doing with the likes of Jonathan Demme and John Sayles, Miramax would dip their toes further into the world of international cinema. Their first release for 1984 would be Ruy Guerra's Eréndira. The screenplay by Nobel Prize winner Gabriel García Márquez was based on his 1972 novella The Incredible and Sad Tale of Innocent Eréndira and Her Heartless Grandmother, which itself was based off a screenplay Márquez had written in the early 1960s, which, when he couldn't get it made at the time, he reduced down to a page and a half for a sequence in his 1967 magnum opus One Hundred Years of Solitude. Between the early 1960s and the early 1980s, Márquez would lose the original draft of Eréndira, and would write a new script based off what he remembered writing twenty years earlier. In the story, a young woman named Eréndira lives in a near mansion situation in an otherwise empty desert with her grandmother, who had collected a number of paper flowers and assorted tchotchkes over the years. One night, Eréndira forgets to put out some candles used to illuminate the house, and the house and all of its contents burn to the ground. With everything lost, Eréndira's grandmother forces her into a life of prostitution. The young woman quickly becomes the courtesan of choice in the region. With every new journey, an ever growing caravan starts to follow them, until it becomes for all intents and purposes a carnival, with food vendors, snake charmers, musicians and games of chance. Márquez's writing style, known as “magic realism,” was very cinematic on the page, and it's little wonder that many of his stories have been made into movies and television miniseries around the globe for more than a half century. Yet no movie came as close to capturing that Marquezian prose quite the way Guerra did with Eréndira. Featuring Greek goddess Irene Papas as the Grandmother, Brazilian actress Cláudia Ohana, who happened to be married to Guerra at the time, as the titular character, and former Bond villain Michael Lonsdale in a small but important role as a Senator who tries to help Eréndira get out of her life as a slave, the movie would be Mexico's entry into the 1983 Academy Award race for Best Foreign Language Film. After acquiring the film for American distribution, Miramax would score a coup by getting the film accepted to that year's New York Film Festival, alongside such films as Robert Altman's Streamers, Jean Lucy Godard's Passion, Lawrence Kasdan's The Big Chill, Francis Ford Coppola's Rumble Fish, and Andrzej Wajda's Danton. But despite some stellar reviews from many of the New York City film critics, Eréndira would not get nominated for Best Foreign Language Film, and Miramax would wait until April 27th, 1984, to open the film at the Lincoln Plaza Cinemas, one of the most important theatres in New York City at the time to launch a foreign film. A quarter page ad in the New York Times included quotes from the Village Voice, New York Magazine, Vincent Canby of the Times and Roger Ebert, the movie would gross an impressive $25,500 in its first three days. Word of mouth in the city would be strong, with its second weekend gross actually increasing nearly 20% to $30,500. Its third weekend would fall slightly, but with $27k in the till would still be better than its first weekend. It wouldn't be until Week 5 that Eréndira would expand into Los Angeles and Chicago, where it would continue to gross nearly $20k per screen for several more weeks. The film would continue to play across the nation for more than half a year, and despite never making more than four prints of the film, Eréndira would gross more than $600k in America, one of the best non-English language releases for all of 1984. In their quickest turnaround from one film to another to date, Miramax would release Claude Lelouch's Edith and Marcel not five weeks after Eréndira. If you're not familiar with the name Claude Chabrol, I would highly suggest becoming so. Chabrol was a part of the French New Wave filmmakers alongside Jean-Luc Godard, Jacques Rivette, Éric Rohmer, and François Truffaut who came up as film critics for the influential French magazine Cahiers [ka-yay] du Cinéma in the 1950s, who would go on to change the direction of French Cinema and how film fans appreciated films and filmmakers through the concept of The Auteur Theory, although the theory itself would be given a name by American film critic Andrew Sarris in 1962. Of these five critics turned filmmakers, Chabrol would be considered the most prolific and commercial. Chabrol would be the first of them to make a film, Le Beau Serge, and between 1957 and his death in 2010, he would make 58 movies. That's more than one new movie every year on average, not counting shorts and television projects he also made on the side. American audiences knew him best for his 1966 global hit A Man and a Woman, which would sell more than $14m in tickets in the US and would be one of the few foreign language films to earn Academy Award nominations outside of the Best Foreign Language Film race. Lead actress Anouk Aimee would get a nod, and Chabrol would earn two on the film, for Best Director, which he would lose to Fred Zimmerman and A Man for All Seasons, and Best Original Screenplay, which he would win alongside his co-writer Pierre Uytterhoeven. Edith and Marcel would tell the story of the love affair between the iconic French singer Edith Piaf and Marcel Cerdan, the French boxer who was the Middleweight Champion of the World during their affair in 1948 and 1949. Both were famous in their own right, but together, they were the Brangelina of post-World War II France. Despite the fact that Cerdan was married with three kids, their affair helped lift the spirits of the French people, until his death in October 1949, while he was flying from Paris to New York to see Piaf. Fans of Raging Bull are somewhat familiar with Marcel Cerdan already, as Cerdan's last fight before his death would find Cerdan losing his middleweight title to Jake LaMotta. In a weird twist of fate, Patrick Dewaere, the actor Chabrol cast as Cerdan, committed suicide just after the start of production, and while Chabrol considered shutting down the film in respect, it would be none other than Marcel Cerdan, Jr. who would step in to the role of his own father, despite never having acted before, and being six years older than his father was when he died. When it was released in France in April 1983, it was an immediate hit, become the second highest French film of the year, and the sixth highest grosser of all films released in the country that year. However, it would not be the film France submitted to that year's Academy Award race. That would be Diane Kurys' Entre Nous, which wasn't as big a hit in France but was considered a stronger contender for the nomination, in part because of Isabelle Hupert's amazing performance but also because Entre Nous, as 110 minutes, was 50 minutes shorter than Edith and Marcel. Harvey Weinstein would cut twenty minutes out of the film without Chabrol's consent or assistance, and when the film was released at the 57th Street Playhouse in New York City on Sunday, June 3rd, the gushing reviews in the New York Times ad would actually be for Chabrol's original cut, and they would help the film gross $15,300 in its first five days. But once the other New York critics who didn't get to see the original cut of the film saw this new cut, the critical consensus started to fall. Things felt off to them, and they would be, as a number of short trims made by Weinstein would remove important context for the film for the sake of streamlining the film. Audiences would pick up on the changes, and in its first full weekend of release, the film would only gross $12k. After two more weeks of grosses of under $4k each week, the film would close in New York City. Edith and Marcel would never play in another theatre in the United States. And then there would be another year plus long gap before their next release, but we'll get into the reason why in a few moments. Many people today know Rubén Blades as Daniel Salazar in Fear the Walking Dead, or from his appearances in The Milagro Beanfield War, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, or Predator 2, amongst his 40 plus acting appearances over the years, but in the early 1980s, he was a salsa and Latin Jazz musician and singer who had yet to break out of the New Yorican market. With an idea for a movie about a singer and musician not unlike himself trying to attempt a crossover success into mainstream music, he would approach his friend, director Leon Icasho, about teaming up to get the idea fleshed out into a real movie. Although Blades was at best a cult music star, and Icasho had only made one movie before, they were able to raise $6m from a series of local investors including Jack Rollins, who produced every Woody Allen movie from 1969's Take the Money and Run to 2015's Irrational Man, to make their movie, which they would start shooting in the Spanish Harlem section of New York City in December 1982. Despite the luxury of a large budget for an independent Latino production, the shooting schedule was very tight, less than five weeks. There would be a number of large musical segments to show Blades' character Rudy's talents as a musician and singer, with hundreds of extras on hand in each scene. Icasho would stick to his 28 day schedule, and the film would wrap up shortly after the New Year. Even though the director would have his final cut of the movie ready by the start of summer 1983, it would take nearly a year and a half for any distributor to nibble. It wasn't that the film was tedious. Quite the opposite. Many distributors enjoyed the film, but worried about, ironically, the ability of the film to crossover out of the Latino market into the mainstream. So when Miramax came along with a lower than hoped for offer to release the film, the filmmakers took the deal, because they just wanted the film out there. Things would start to pick up for the film when Miramax submitted the film to be entered into the 1985 Cannes Film Festival, and it would be submitted to run in the prestigious Directors Fortnight program, alongside Mike Newell's breakthrough film, Dance with a Stranger, Victor Nunez's breakthrough film, A Flash of Green, and Wayne Wang's breakthrough film Dim Sum: A Little Bit of Heart. While they were waiting for Cannes to get back to them, they would also learn the film had been selected to be a part of The Lincoln Center's New Directors/New Films program, where the film would earn raves from local critics and audiences, especially for Blades, who many felt was a screen natural. After more praise from critics and audiences on the French Riviera, Miramax would open Crossover Dreams at the Cinema Studio theatre in midtown Manhattan on August 23rd, 1985. Originally booked into the smaller 180 seat auditorium, since John Huston's Prizzi's Honor was still doing good business in the 300 seat house in its fourth week, the theatre would swap houses for the films when it became clear early on Crossover Dreams' first day that it would be the more popular title that weekend. And it would. While Prizzi would gross a still solid $10k that weekend, Crossover Dreams would gross $35k. In its second weekend, the film would again gross $35k. And in its third weekend, another $35k. They were basically selling out every seat at every show those first three weeks. Clearly, the film was indeed doing some crossover business. But, strangely, Miramax would wait seven weeks after opening the film in New York to open it in Los Angeles. With a new ad campaign that de-emphasized Blades and played up the dreamer dreaming big aspect of the film, Miramax would open the movie at two of the more upscale theatres in the area, the Cineplex Beverly Center on the outskirts of Beverly Hills, and the Cineplex Brentwood Twin, on the west side where many of Hollywood's tastemakers called home. Even with a plethora of good reviews from the local press, and playing at two theatres with a capacity of more than double the one theatre playing the film in New York, Crossover Dreams could only manage a neat $13k opening weekend. Slowly but surely, Miramax would add a few more prints in additional major markets, but never really gave the film the chance to score with Latino audiences who may have been craving a salsa-infused musical/drama, even if it was entirely in English. Looking back, thirty-eight years later, that seems to have been a mistake, but it seems that the film's final gross of just $250k after just ten weeks of release was leaving a lot of money on the table. At awards time, Blades would be nominated for an Independent Spirit Award for Best Actor, but otherwise, the film would be shut out of any further consideration. But for all intents and purposes, the film did kinda complete its mission of turning Blades into a star. He continues to be one of the busiest Latino actors in Hollywood over the last forty years, and it would help get one of his co-stars, Elizabeth Peña, a major job in a major Hollywood film the following year, as the live-in maid at Richard Dreyfuss and Bette Midler's house in Paul Mazursky's Down and Out in Beverly Hills, which would give her a steady career until her passing in 2014. And Icasho himself would have a successful directing career both on movie screens and on television, working on such projects as Miami Vice, Crime Story, The Equalizer, Criminal Minds, and Queen of the South, until his passing this past May. I'm going to briefly mention a Canadian drama called The Dog Who Stopped the War that Miramax released on three screens in their home town of Buffalo on October 25th, 1985. A children's film about two groups of children in a small town in Quebec during their winter break who get involved in an ever-escalating snowball fight. It would be the highest grossing local film in Canada in 1984, and would become the first in a series of 25 family films under a Tales For All banner made by a company called Party Productions, which will be releasing their newest film in the series later this year. The film may have huge in Canada, but in Buffalo in the late fall, the film would only gross $15k in its first, and only, week in theatres. The film would eventually develop a cult following thanks to repeated cable screenings during the holidays every year. We'll also give a brief mention to an Australian action movie called Cool Change, directed by George Miller. No, not the George Miller who created the Mad Max series, but the other Australian director named George Miller, who had to start going by George T. Miller to differentiate himself from the other George Miller, even though this George Miller was directing before the other George Miller, and even had a bigger local and global hit in 1982 with The Man From Snowy River than the other George Miller had with Mad Max II, aka The Road Warrior. It would also be the second movie released by Miramax in a year starring a young Australian ingenue named Deborra-Lee Furness, who was also featured in Crossover Dreams. Today, most people know her as Mrs. Hugh Jackman. The internet and several book sources say the movie opened in America on March 14th, 1986, but damn if I can find any playdate anywhere in the country, period. Not even in the Weinsteins' home territory of Buffalo. A critic from the Sydney Morning Herald would call the film, which opened in Australia four weeks after it allegedly opened in America, a spectacularly simplistic propaganda piece for the cattle farmers of the Victorian high plains,” and in its home country, it would barely gross 2% of its $3.5m budget. And sticking with brief mentions of Australian movies Miramax allegedly released in American in the spring of 1986, we move over to one of three movies directed by Brian Trenchard-Smith that would be released during that year. In Australia, it was titled Frog Dreaming, but for America, the title was changed to The Quest. The film stars Henry Thomas from E.T. as an American boy who has moved to Australia to be with his guardian after his parents die, who finds himself caught up in the magic of a local Aboriginal myth that might be more real than anyone realizes. And like Cool Change, I cannot find any American playdates for the film anywhere near its alleged May 1st, 1986 release date. I even contacted Mr. Trenchard-Smith asking him if he remembers anything about the American release of his film, knowing full well it's 37 years later, but while being very polite in his response, he was unable to help. Finally, we get back to the movies we actually can talk about with some certainty. I know our next movie was actually released in American theatres, because I saw it in America at a cinema. Twist and Shout tells the story of two best friends, Bjørn and Erik, growing up in suburbs of Copenhagen, Denmark in 1963. The music of The Beatles, who are just exploding in Europe, help provide a welcome respite from the harsh realities of their lives. Directed by Billie August, Twist and Shout would become the first of several August films to be released by Miramax over the next decade, including his follow-up, which would end up become Miramax's first Oscar-winning release, but we'll be talking about that movie on our next episode. August was often seen as a spiritual successor to Ingmar Bergman within Scandinavian cinema, so much so that Bergman would handpick August to direct a semi-autobiographical screenplay of his, The Best Intentions, in the early 1990s, when it became clear to Bergman that he would not be able to make it himself. Bergman's only stipulation was that August would need to cast one of his actresses from Fanny and Alexander, Pernilla Wallgren, as his stand-in character's mother. August and Wallgren had never met until they started filming. By the end of shooting, Pernilla Wallgren would be Pernilla August, but that's another story for another time. In a rare twist, Twist and Shout would open in Los Angeles before New York City, at the Cineplex Beverly Center August 22nd, 1986, more than two years after it opened across Denmark. Loaded with accolades including a Best Picture Award from the European Film Festival and positive reviews from the likes of Gene Siskel and Michael Wilmington, the movie would gross, according to Variety, a “crisp” $14k in its first three days. In its second weekend, the Beverly Center would add a second screen for the film, and the gross would increase to $17k. And by week four, one of those prints at the Beverly Center would move to the Laemmle Monica 4, so those on the West Side who didn't want to go east of the 405 could watch it. But the combined $13k gross would not be as good as the previous week's $14k from the two screens at the Beverly Center. It wouldn't be until Twist and Shout's sixth week of release they would finally add a screen in New York City, the 68th Street Playhouse, where it would gross $25k in its first weekend there. But after nine weeks, never playing in more than five theatres in any given weekend, Twist and Shout was down and out, with only $204k in ticket sales. But it was good enough for Miramax to acquire August's next movie, and actually get it into American theatres within a year of its release in Denmark and Sweden. Join us next episode for that story. Earlier, I teased about why Miramax took more than a year off from releasing movies in 1984 and 1985. And we've reached that point in the timeline to tell that story. After writing and producing The Burning in 1981, Bob and Harvey had decided what they really wanted to do was direct. But it would take years for them to come up with an idea and flesh that story out to a full length screenplay. They'd return to their roots as rock show promoters, borrowing heavily from one of Harvey's first forays into that field, when he and a partner, Corky Burger, purchased an aging movie theatre in Buffalo in 1974 and turned it into a rock and roll hall for a few years, until they gutted and demolished the theatre, so they could sell the land, with Harvey's half of the proceeds becoming much of the seed money to start Miramax up. After graduating high school, three best friends from New York get the opportunity of a lifetime when they inherit an old run down hotel upstate, with dreams of turning it into a rock and roll hotel. But when they get to the hotel, they realize the place is going to need a lot more work than they initially realized, and they realize they are not going to get any help from any of the locals, who don't want them or their silly rock and roll hotel in their quaint and quiet town. With a budget of only $5m, and a story that would need to be filmed entirely on location, the cast would not include very many well known actors. For the lead role of Danny, the young man who inherits the hotel, they would cast Daniel Jordano, whose previous acting work had been nameless characters in movies like Death Wish 3 and Streetwalkin'. This would be his first leading role. Danny's two best friends, Silk and Spikes, would be played by Leon W. Grant and Matthew Penn, respectively. Like Jordano, both Grant and Penn had also worked in small supporting roles, although Grant would actually play characters with actual names like Boo Boo and Chollie. Penn, the son of Bonnie and Clyde director Arthur Penn, would ironically have his first acting role in a 1983 musical called Rock and Roll Hotel, about a young trio of musicians who enter a Battle of the Bands at an old hotel called The Rock and Roll Hotel. This would also be their first leading roles. Today, there are two reasons to watch Playing For Keeps. One of them is to see just how truly awful Bob and Harvey Weinstein were as directors. 80% of the movie is master shots without any kind of coverage, 15% is wannabe MTV music video if those videos were directed by space aliens handed video cameras and not told what to do with them, and 5% Jordano mimicking Kevin Bacon in Footloose but with the heaviest New Yawk accent this side of Bensonhurst. The other reason is to watch a young actress in her first major screen role, who is still mesmerizing and hypnotic despite the crapfest she is surrounded by. Nineteen year old Marisa Tomei wouldn't become a star because of this movie, but it was clear very early on she was going to become one, someday. Mostly shot in and around the grounds of the Bethany Colony Resort in Bethany PA, the film would spend six weeks in production during June and July of 1984, and they would spend more than a year and a half putting the film together. As music men, they knew a movie about a rock and roll hotel for younger people who need to have a lot of hip, cool, teen-friendly music on the soundtrack. So, naturally, the Weinsteins would recruit such hip, cool, teen-friendly musicians like Pete Townshend of The Who, Phil Collins, Peter Frampton, Sister Sledge, already defunct Duran Duran side project Arcadia, and Hinton Battle, who had originated the role of The Scarecrow in the Broadway production of The Wiz. They would spend nearly $500k to acquire B-sides and tossed away songs that weren't good enough to appear on the artists' regular albums. Once again light on money, Miramax would sent the completed film out to the major studios to see if they'd be willing to release the movie. A sale would bring some much needed capital back into the company immediately, and creating a working relationship with a major studio could be advantageous in the long run. Universal Pictures would buy the movie from Miramax for an undisclosed sum, and set an October 3rd release. Playing For Keeps would open on 1148 screens that day, including 56 screens in the greater Los Angeles region and 80 in the New York City metropolitan area. But it wasn't the best week to open this film. Crocodile Dundee had opened the week before and was a surprise hit, spending a second week firmly atop the box office charts with $8.2m in ticket sales. Its nearest competitor, the Burt Lancaster/Kirk Douglas comedy Tough Guys, would be the week's highest grossing new film, with $4.6m. Number three was Top Gun, earning $2.405m in its 21st week in theatres, and Stand By Me was in fourth in its ninth week with $2.396m. In fifth place, playing in only 215 theatres, would be another new opener, Children of a Lesser God, with $1.9m. And all the way down in sixth place, with only $1.4m in ticket sales, was Playing for Keeps. The reviews were fairly brutal, and by that, I mean they were fair in their brutality, although you'll have to do some work to find those reviews. No one has ever bothered to link their reviews for Playing For Keeps at Rotten Tomatoes or Metacritic. After a second weekend, where the film would lose a quarter of its screens and 61% of its opening weekend business, Universal would cut its losses and dump the film into dollar houses. The final reported box office gross on the film would be $2.67m. Bob Weinstein would never write or direct another film, and Harvey Weinstein would only have one other directing credit to his name, an animated movie called The Gnomes' Great Adventure, which wasn't really a directing effort so much as buying the American rights to a 1985 Spanish animated series called The World of David the Gnome, creating new English language dubs with actors like Tom Bosley, Frank Gorshin, Christopher Plummer, and Tony Randall, and selling the new versions to Nickelodeon. Sadly, we would learn in October 2017 that one of the earliest known episodes of sexual harassment by Harvey Weinstein happened during the pre-production of Playing for Keeps. In 1984, a twenty year old college junior Tomi-Ann Roberts was waiting tables in New York City, hoping to start an acting career. Weinstein, who one of her customers at this restaurant, urged Ms. Roberts to audition for a movie that he and his brother were planning to direct. He sent her the script and asked her to meet him where he was staying so they could discuss the film. When she arrived at his hotel room, the door was left slightly ajar, and he called on her to come in and close the door behind her. She would find Weinstein nude in the bathtub, where he told her she would give a much better audition if she were comfortable getting naked in front of him too, because the character she might play would have a topless scene. If she could not bare her breasts in private, she would not be able to do it on film. She was horrified and rushed out of the room, after telling Weinstein that she was too prudish to go along. She felt he had manipulated her by feigning professional interest in her, and doubted she had ever been under serious consideration. That incident would send her life in a different direction. In 2017, Roberts was a psychology professor at Colorado College, researching sexual objectification, an interest she traces back in part to that long-ago encounter. And on that sad note, we're going to take our leave. Thank you for joining us. We'll talk again next week, when we continue with story of Miramax Films, from 1987. Remember to visit this episode's page on our website, The80sMoviePodcast.com, for extra materials about the movies we covered this episode. The 80s Movies Podcast has been researched, written, narrated and edited by Edward Havens for Idiosyncratic Entertainment. Thank you again. Good night.
On this episode, we are continuing our miniseries on the movies released by Miramax Films in the 1980s, specifically looking at the films they released between 1984 and 1986. ----more---- TRANSCRIPT From Los Angeles, California. The Entertainment Capital of the World. It's the 80s Movie Podcast. I am your host, Edward Havens. Thank you for listening today. On this episode, we are continuing our miniseries on the movies released by Miramax Films in the 1980s. And, in case you did not listen to Part 1 yet, let me reiterate that the focus here will be on the films and the creatives, not the Weinsteins. The Weinsteins did not have a hand in the production of any of the movies Miramax released in the 1980s, and that Miramax logo and the names associated with it should not stop anyone from enjoying some very well made movies because they now have an unfortunate association with two spineless chucklenuts who proclivities would not be known by the outside world for decades to come. Well, there is one movie this episode where we must talk about the Weinsteins as the creatives, but when talking about that film, “creatives” is a derisive pejorative. We ended our previous episode at the end of 1983. Miramax had one minor hit film in The Secret Policeman's Other Ball, thanks in large part to the film's association with members of the still beloved Monty Python comedy troupe, who hadn't released any material since The Life of Brian in 1979. 1984 would be the start of year five of the company, and they were still in need of something to make their name. Being a truly independent film company in 1984 was not easy. There were fewer than 20,000 movie screens in the entire country back then, compared to nearly 40,000 today. National video store chains like Blockbuster did not exist, and the few cable channels that did exist played mostly Hollywood films. There was no social media for images and clips to go viral. For comparison's sake, in A24's first five years, from its founding in August 2012 to July 2017, the company would have a number of hit films, including The Bling Ring, The Lobster, Spring Breakers, and The Witch, release movies from some of indie cinema's most respected names, including Andrea Arnold, Robert Eggers, Atom Egoyan, Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, Lynn Shelton, Trey Edward Shults, Gus Van Sant, and Denis Villeneuve, and released several Academy Award winning movies, including the Amy Winehouse documentary Amy, Alex Garland's Ex Machina, Lenny Abrahamson's Room and Barry Jenkins' Moonlight, which would upset front runner La La Land for the Best Picture of 2016. But instead of leaning into the American independent cinema world the way Cinecom and Island were doing with the likes of Jonathan Demme and John Sayles, Miramax would dip their toes further into the world of international cinema. Their first release for 1984 would be Ruy Guerra's Eréndira. The screenplay by Nobel Prize winner Gabriel García Márquez was based on his 1972 novella The Incredible and Sad Tale of Innocent Eréndira and Her Heartless Grandmother, which itself was based off a screenplay Márquez had written in the early 1960s, which, when he couldn't get it made at the time, he reduced down to a page and a half for a sequence in his 1967 magnum opus One Hundred Years of Solitude. Between the early 1960s and the early 1980s, Márquez would lose the original draft of Eréndira, and would write a new script based off what he remembered writing twenty years earlier. In the story, a young woman named Eréndira lives in a near mansion situation in an otherwise empty desert with her grandmother, who had collected a number of paper flowers and assorted tchotchkes over the years. One night, Eréndira forgets to put out some candles used to illuminate the house, and the house and all of its contents burn to the ground. With everything lost, Eréndira's grandmother forces her into a life of prostitution. The young woman quickly becomes the courtesan of choice in the region. With every new journey, an ever growing caravan starts to follow them, until it becomes for all intents and purposes a carnival, with food vendors, snake charmers, musicians and games of chance. Márquez's writing style, known as “magic realism,” was very cinematic on the page, and it's little wonder that many of his stories have been made into movies and television miniseries around the globe for more than a half century. Yet no movie came as close to capturing that Marquezian prose quite the way Guerra did with Eréndira. Featuring Greek goddess Irene Papas as the Grandmother, Brazilian actress Cláudia Ohana, who happened to be married to Guerra at the time, as the titular character, and former Bond villain Michael Lonsdale in a small but important role as a Senator who tries to help Eréndira get out of her life as a slave, the movie would be Mexico's entry into the 1983 Academy Award race for Best Foreign Language Film. After acquiring the film for American distribution, Miramax would score a coup by getting the film accepted to that year's New York Film Festival, alongside such films as Robert Altman's Streamers, Jean Lucy Godard's Passion, Lawrence Kasdan's The Big Chill, Francis Ford Coppola's Rumble Fish, and Andrzej Wajda's Danton. But despite some stellar reviews from many of the New York City film critics, Eréndira would not get nominated for Best Foreign Language Film, and Miramax would wait until April 27th, 1984, to open the film at the Lincoln Plaza Cinemas, one of the most important theatres in New York City at the time to launch a foreign film. A quarter page ad in the New York Times included quotes from the Village Voice, New York Magazine, Vincent Canby of the Times and Roger Ebert, the movie would gross an impressive $25,500 in its first three days. Word of mouth in the city would be strong, with its second weekend gross actually increasing nearly 20% to $30,500. Its third weekend would fall slightly, but with $27k in the till would still be better than its first weekend. It wouldn't be until Week 5 that Eréndira would expand into Los Angeles and Chicago, where it would continue to gross nearly $20k per screen for several more weeks. The film would continue to play across the nation for more than half a year, and despite never making more than four prints of the film, Eréndira would gross more than $600k in America, one of the best non-English language releases for all of 1984. In their quickest turnaround from one film to another to date, Miramax would release Claude Lelouch's Edith and Marcel not five weeks after Eréndira. If you're not familiar with the name Claude Chabrol, I would highly suggest becoming so. Chabrol was a part of the French New Wave filmmakers alongside Jean-Luc Godard, Jacques Rivette, Éric Rohmer, and François Truffaut who came up as film critics for the influential French magazine Cahiers [ka-yay] du Cinéma in the 1950s, who would go on to change the direction of French Cinema and how film fans appreciated films and filmmakers through the concept of The Auteur Theory, although the theory itself would be given a name by American film critic Andrew Sarris in 1962. Of these five critics turned filmmakers, Chabrol would be considered the most prolific and commercial. Chabrol would be the first of them to make a film, Le Beau Serge, and between 1957 and his death in 2010, he would make 58 movies. That's more than one new movie every year on average, not counting shorts and television projects he also made on the side. American audiences knew him best for his 1966 global hit A Man and a Woman, which would sell more than $14m in tickets in the US and would be one of the few foreign language films to earn Academy Award nominations outside of the Best Foreign Language Film race. Lead actress Anouk Aimee would get a nod, and Chabrol would earn two on the film, for Best Director, which he would lose to Fred Zimmerman and A Man for All Seasons, and Best Original Screenplay, which he would win alongside his co-writer Pierre Uytterhoeven. Edith and Marcel would tell the story of the love affair between the iconic French singer Edith Piaf and Marcel Cerdan, the French boxer who was the Middleweight Champion of the World during their affair in 1948 and 1949. Both were famous in their own right, but together, they were the Brangelina of post-World War II France. Despite the fact that Cerdan was married with three kids, their affair helped lift the spirits of the French people, until his death in October 1949, while he was flying from Paris to New York to see Piaf. Fans of Raging Bull are somewhat familiar with Marcel Cerdan already, as Cerdan's last fight before his death would find Cerdan losing his middleweight title to Jake LaMotta. In a weird twist of fate, Patrick Dewaere, the actor Chabrol cast as Cerdan, committed suicide just after the start of production, and while Chabrol considered shutting down the film in respect, it would be none other than Marcel Cerdan, Jr. who would step in to the role of his own father, despite never having acted before, and being six years older than his father was when he died. When it was released in France in April 1983, it was an immediate hit, become the second highest French film of the year, and the sixth highest grosser of all films released in the country that year. However, it would not be the film France submitted to that year's Academy Award race. That would be Diane Kurys' Entre Nous, which wasn't as big a hit in France but was considered a stronger contender for the nomination, in part because of Isabelle Hupert's amazing performance but also because Entre Nous, as 110 minutes, was 50 minutes shorter than Edith and Marcel. Harvey Weinstein would cut twenty minutes out of the film without Chabrol's consent or assistance, and when the film was released at the 57th Street Playhouse in New York City on Sunday, June 3rd, the gushing reviews in the New York Times ad would actually be for Chabrol's original cut, and they would help the film gross $15,300 in its first five days. But once the other New York critics who didn't get to see the original cut of the film saw this new cut, the critical consensus started to fall. Things felt off to them, and they would be, as a number of short trims made by Weinstein would remove important context for the film for the sake of streamlining the film. Audiences would pick up on the changes, and in its first full weekend of release, the film would only gross $12k. After two more weeks of grosses of under $4k each week, the film would close in New York City. Edith and Marcel would never play in another theatre in the United States. And then there would be another year plus long gap before their next release, but we'll get into the reason why in a few moments. Many people today know Rubén Blades as Daniel Salazar in Fear the Walking Dead, or from his appearances in The Milagro Beanfield War, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, or Predator 2, amongst his 40 plus acting appearances over the years, but in the early 1980s, he was a salsa and Latin Jazz musician and singer who had yet to break out of the New Yorican market. With an idea for a movie about a singer and musician not unlike himself trying to attempt a crossover success into mainstream music, he would approach his friend, director Leon Icasho, about teaming up to get the idea fleshed out into a real movie. Although Blades was at best a cult music star, and Icasho had only made one movie before, they were able to raise $6m from a series of local investors including Jack Rollins, who produced every Woody Allen movie from 1969's Take the Money and Run to 2015's Irrational Man, to make their movie, which they would start shooting in the Spanish Harlem section of New York City in December 1982. Despite the luxury of a large budget for an independent Latino production, the shooting schedule was very tight, less than five weeks. There would be a number of large musical segments to show Blades' character Rudy's talents as a musician and singer, with hundreds of extras on hand in each scene. Icasho would stick to his 28 day schedule, and the film would wrap up shortly after the New Year. Even though the director would have his final cut of the movie ready by the start of summer 1983, it would take nearly a year and a half for any distributor to nibble. It wasn't that the film was tedious. Quite the opposite. Many distributors enjoyed the film, but worried about, ironically, the ability of the film to crossover out of the Latino market into the mainstream. So when Miramax came along with a lower than hoped for offer to release the film, the filmmakers took the deal, because they just wanted the film out there. Things would start to pick up for the film when Miramax submitted the film to be entered into the 1985 Cannes Film Festival, and it would be submitted to run in the prestigious Directors Fortnight program, alongside Mike Newell's breakthrough film, Dance with a Stranger, Victor Nunez's breakthrough film, A Flash of Green, and Wayne Wang's breakthrough film Dim Sum: A Little Bit of Heart. While they were waiting for Cannes to get back to them, they would also learn the film had been selected to be a part of The Lincoln Center's New Directors/New Films program, where the film would earn raves from local critics and audiences, especially for Blades, who many felt was a screen natural. After more praise from critics and audiences on the French Riviera, Miramax would open Crossover Dreams at the Cinema Studio theatre in midtown Manhattan on August 23rd, 1985. Originally booked into the smaller 180 seat auditorium, since John Huston's Prizzi's Honor was still doing good business in the 300 seat house in its fourth week, the theatre would swap houses for the films when it became clear early on Crossover Dreams' first day that it would be the more popular title that weekend. And it would. While Prizzi would gross a still solid $10k that weekend, Crossover Dreams would gross $35k. In its second weekend, the film would again gross $35k. And in its third weekend, another $35k. They were basically selling out every seat at every show those first three weeks. Clearly, the film was indeed doing some crossover business. But, strangely, Miramax would wait seven weeks after opening the film in New York to open it in Los Angeles. With a new ad campaign that de-emphasized Blades and played up the dreamer dreaming big aspect of the film, Miramax would open the movie at two of the more upscale theatres in the area, the Cineplex Beverly Center on the outskirts of Beverly Hills, and the Cineplex Brentwood Twin, on the west side where many of Hollywood's tastemakers called home. Even with a plethora of good reviews from the local press, and playing at two theatres with a capacity of more than double the one theatre playing the film in New York, Crossover Dreams could only manage a neat $13k opening weekend. Slowly but surely, Miramax would add a few more prints in additional major markets, but never really gave the film the chance to score with Latino audiences who may have been craving a salsa-infused musical/drama, even if it was entirely in English. Looking back, thirty-eight years later, that seems to have been a mistake, but it seems that the film's final gross of just $250k after just ten weeks of release was leaving a lot of money on the table. At awards time, Blades would be nominated for an Independent Spirit Award for Best Actor, but otherwise, the film would be shut out of any further consideration. But for all intents and purposes, the film did kinda complete its mission of turning Blades into a star. He continues to be one of the busiest Latino actors in Hollywood over the last forty years, and it would help get one of his co-stars, Elizabeth Peña, a major job in a major Hollywood film the following year, as the live-in maid at Richard Dreyfuss and Bette Midler's house in Paul Mazursky's Down and Out in Beverly Hills, which would give her a steady career until her passing in 2014. And Icasho himself would have a successful directing career both on movie screens and on television, working on such projects as Miami Vice, Crime Story, The Equalizer, Criminal Minds, and Queen of the South, until his passing this past May. I'm going to briefly mention a Canadian drama called The Dog Who Stopped the War that Miramax released on three screens in their home town of Buffalo on October 25th, 1985. A children's film about two groups of children in a small town in Quebec during their winter break who get involved in an ever-escalating snowball fight. It would be the highest grossing local film in Canada in 1984, and would become the first in a series of 25 family films under a Tales For All banner made by a company called Party Productions, which will be releasing their newest film in the series later this year. The film may have huge in Canada, but in Buffalo in the late fall, the film would only gross $15k in its first, and only, week in theatres. The film would eventually develop a cult following thanks to repeated cable screenings during the holidays every year. We'll also give a brief mention to an Australian action movie called Cool Change, directed by George Miller. No, not the George Miller who created the Mad Max series, but the other Australian director named George Miller, who had to start going by George T. Miller to differentiate himself from the other George Miller, even though this George Miller was directing before the other George Miller, and even had a bigger local and global hit in 1982 with The Man From Snowy River than the other George Miller had with Mad Max II, aka The Road Warrior. It would also be the second movie released by Miramax in a year starring a young Australian ingenue named Deborra-Lee Furness, who was also featured in Crossover Dreams. Today, most people know her as Mrs. Hugh Jackman. The internet and several book sources say the movie opened in America on March 14th, 1986, but damn if I can find any playdate anywhere in the country, period. Not even in the Weinsteins' home territory of Buffalo. A critic from the Sydney Morning Herald would call the film, which opened in Australia four weeks after it allegedly opened in America, a spectacularly simplistic propaganda piece for the cattle farmers of the Victorian high plains,” and in its home country, it would barely gross 2% of its $3.5m budget. And sticking with brief mentions of Australian movies Miramax allegedly released in American in the spring of 1986, we move over to one of three movies directed by Brian Trenchard-Smith that would be released during that year. In Australia, it was titled Frog Dreaming, but for America, the title was changed to The Quest. The film stars Henry Thomas from E.T. as an American boy who has moved to Australia to be with his guardian after his parents die, who finds himself caught up in the magic of a local Aboriginal myth that might be more real than anyone realizes. And like Cool Change, I cannot find any American playdates for the film anywhere near its alleged May 1st, 1986 release date. I even contacted Mr. Trenchard-Smith asking him if he remembers anything about the American release of his film, knowing full well it's 37 years later, but while being very polite in his response, he was unable to help. Finally, we get back to the movies we actually can talk about with some certainty. I know our next movie was actually released in American theatres, because I saw it in America at a cinema. Twist and Shout tells the story of two best friends, Bjørn and Erik, growing up in suburbs of Copenhagen, Denmark in 1963. The music of The Beatles, who are just exploding in Europe, help provide a welcome respite from the harsh realities of their lives. Directed by Billie August, Twist and Shout would become the first of several August films to be released by Miramax over the next decade, including his follow-up, which would end up become Miramax's first Oscar-winning release, but we'll be talking about that movie on our next episode. August was often seen as a spiritual successor to Ingmar Bergman within Scandinavian cinema, so much so that Bergman would handpick August to direct a semi-autobiographical screenplay of his, The Best Intentions, in the early 1990s, when it became clear to Bergman that he would not be able to make it himself. Bergman's only stipulation was that August would need to cast one of his actresses from Fanny and Alexander, Pernilla Wallgren, as his stand-in character's mother. August and Wallgren had never met until they started filming. By the end of shooting, Pernilla Wallgren would be Pernilla August, but that's another story for another time. In a rare twist, Twist and Shout would open in Los Angeles before New York City, at the Cineplex Beverly Center August 22nd, 1986, more than two years after it opened across Denmark. Loaded with accolades including a Best Picture Award from the European Film Festival and positive reviews from the likes of Gene Siskel and Michael Wilmington, the movie would gross, according to Variety, a “crisp” $14k in its first three days. In its second weekend, the Beverly Center would add a second screen for the film, and the gross would increase to $17k. And by week four, one of those prints at the Beverly Center would move to the Laemmle Monica 4, so those on the West Side who didn't want to go east of the 405 could watch it. But the combined $13k gross would not be as good as the previous week's $14k from the two screens at the Beverly Center. It wouldn't be until Twist and Shout's sixth week of release they would finally add a screen in New York City, the 68th Street Playhouse, where it would gross $25k in its first weekend there. But after nine weeks, never playing in more than five theatres in any given weekend, Twist and Shout was down and out, with only $204k in ticket sales. But it was good enough for Miramax to acquire August's next movie, and actually get it into American theatres within a year of its release in Denmark and Sweden. Join us next episode for that story. Earlier, I teased about why Miramax took more than a year off from releasing movies in 1984 and 1985. And we've reached that point in the timeline to tell that story. After writing and producing The Burning in 1981, Bob and Harvey had decided what they really wanted to do was direct. But it would take years for them to come up with an idea and flesh that story out to a full length screenplay. They'd return to their roots as rock show promoters, borrowing heavily from one of Harvey's first forays into that field, when he and a partner, Corky Burger, purchased an aging movie theatre in Buffalo in 1974 and turned it into a rock and roll hall for a few years, until they gutted and demolished the theatre, so they could sell the land, with Harvey's half of the proceeds becoming much of the seed money to start Miramax up. After graduating high school, three best friends from New York get the opportunity of a lifetime when they inherit an old run down hotel upstate, with dreams of turning it into a rock and roll hotel. But when they get to the hotel, they realize the place is going to need a lot more work than they initially realized, and they realize they are not going to get any help from any of the locals, who don't want them or their silly rock and roll hotel in their quaint and quiet town. With a budget of only $5m, and a story that would need to be filmed entirely on location, the cast would not include very many well known actors. For the lead role of Danny, the young man who inherits the hotel, they would cast Daniel Jordano, whose previous acting work had been nameless characters in movies like Death Wish 3 and Streetwalkin'. This would be his first leading role. Danny's two best friends, Silk and Spikes, would be played by Leon W. Grant and Matthew Penn, respectively. Like Jordano, both Grant and Penn had also worked in small supporting roles, although Grant would actually play characters with actual names like Boo Boo and Chollie. Penn, the son of Bonnie and Clyde director Arthur Penn, would ironically have his first acting role in a 1983 musical called Rock and Roll Hotel, about a young trio of musicians who enter a Battle of the Bands at an old hotel called The Rock and Roll Hotel. This would also be their first leading roles. Today, there are two reasons to watch Playing For Keeps. One of them is to see just how truly awful Bob and Harvey Weinstein were as directors. 80% of the movie is master shots without any kind of coverage, 15% is wannabe MTV music video if those videos were directed by space aliens handed video cameras and not told what to do with them, and 5% Jordano mimicking Kevin Bacon in Footloose but with the heaviest New Yawk accent this side of Bensonhurst. The other reason is to watch a young actress in her first major screen role, who is still mesmerizing and hypnotic despite the crapfest she is surrounded by. Nineteen year old Marisa Tomei wouldn't become a star because of this movie, but it was clear very early on she was going to become one, someday. Mostly shot in and around the grounds of the Bethany Colony Resort in Bethany PA, the film would spend six weeks in production during June and July of 1984, and they would spend more than a year and a half putting the film together. As music men, they knew a movie about a rock and roll hotel for younger people who need to have a lot of hip, cool, teen-friendly music on the soundtrack. So, naturally, the Weinsteins would recruit such hip, cool, teen-friendly musicians like Pete Townshend of The Who, Phil Collins, Peter Frampton, Sister Sledge, already defunct Duran Duran side project Arcadia, and Hinton Battle, who had originated the role of The Scarecrow in the Broadway production of The Wiz. They would spend nearly $500k to acquire B-sides and tossed away songs that weren't good enough to appear on the artists' regular albums. Once again light on money, Miramax would sent the completed film out to the major studios to see if they'd be willing to release the movie. A sale would bring some much needed capital back into the company immediately, and creating a working relationship with a major studio could be advantageous in the long run. Universal Pictures would buy the movie from Miramax for an undisclosed sum, and set an October 3rd release. Playing For Keeps would open on 1148 screens that day, including 56 screens in the greater Los Angeles region and 80 in the New York City metropolitan area. But it wasn't the best week to open this film. Crocodile Dundee had opened the week before and was a surprise hit, spending a second week firmly atop the box office charts with $8.2m in ticket sales. Its nearest competitor, the Burt Lancaster/Kirk Douglas comedy Tough Guys, would be the week's highest grossing new film, with $4.6m. Number three was Top Gun, earning $2.405m in its 21st week in theatres, and Stand By Me was in fourth in its ninth week with $2.396m. In fifth place, playing in only 215 theatres, would be another new opener, Children of a Lesser God, with $1.9m. And all the way down in sixth place, with only $1.4m in ticket sales, was Playing for Keeps. The reviews were fairly brutal, and by that, I mean they were fair in their brutality, although you'll have to do some work to find those reviews. No one has ever bothered to link their reviews for Playing For Keeps at Rotten Tomatoes or Metacritic. After a second weekend, where the film would lose a quarter of its screens and 61% of its opening weekend business, Universal would cut its losses and dump the film into dollar houses. The final reported box office gross on the film would be $2.67m. Bob Weinstein would never write or direct another film, and Harvey Weinstein would only have one other directing credit to his name, an animated movie called The Gnomes' Great Adventure, which wasn't really a directing effort so much as buying the American rights to a 1985 Spanish animated series called The World of David the Gnome, creating new English language dubs with actors like Tom Bosley, Frank Gorshin, Christopher Plummer, and Tony Randall, and selling the new versions to Nickelodeon. Sadly, we would learn in October 2017 that one of the earliest known episodes of sexual harassment by Harvey Weinstein happened during the pre-production of Playing for Keeps. In 1984, a twenty year old college junior Tomi-Ann Roberts was waiting tables in New York City, hoping to start an acting career. Weinstein, who one of her customers at this restaurant, urged Ms. Roberts to audition for a movie that he and his brother were planning to direct. He sent her the script and asked her to meet him where he was staying so they could discuss the film. When she arrived at his hotel room, the door was left slightly ajar, and he called on her to come in and close the door behind her. She would find Weinstein nude in the bathtub, where he told her she would give a much better audition if she were comfortable getting naked in front of him too, because the character she might play would have a topless scene. If she could not bare her breasts in private, she would not be able to do it on film. She was horrified and rushed out of the room, after telling Weinstein that she was too prudish to go along. She felt he had manipulated her by feigning professional interest in her, and doubted she had ever been under serious consideration. That incident would send her life in a different direction. In 2017, Roberts was a psychology professor at Colorado College, researching sexual objectification, an interest she traces back in part to that long-ago encounter. And on that sad note, we're going to take our leave. Thank you for joining us. We'll talk again next week, when we continue with story of Miramax Films, from 1987. Remember to visit this episode's page on our website, The80sMoviePodcast.com, for extra materials about the movies we covered this episode. The 80s Movies Podcast has been researched, written, narrated and edited by Edward Havens for Idiosyncratic Entertainment. Thank you again. Good night.
This episode looks at the 1984 debut novel by Bret Easton Ellis, and its 1987 film adaptation. ----more---- Hello, and welcome to The 80s Movies Podcast. I am your host, Edward Havens. Thank you for listening today. On this episode, we're going to talk about 80s author Bret Easton Ellis and his 1985 novel Less Than Zero, the literal polar opposite of last week's subjects, Jay McInerney and his 1984 novel Bright Lights, Big City. As I mentioned last week, McInerney was twenty-nine when he published Bright Lights, Big City. What I forgot to mention was that he was born and raised in Hartford, Connecticut, halfway between Boston and New York City, and he would a part of that elite East Coast community that befits the upper class child of a corporate executive. Bret Easton Ellis was born and raised in Los Angeles. His father was a property developer, and his parents would divorce when he was 18. He would attend high school at The Buckley School, a college prep school in nearby Sherman Oaks, whose other famous alumni include a who's who of modern pop culture history, including Paul Thomas Anderson, Tucker Carlson, Laura Dern, Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Alyssa Milano, Matthew Perry, and Nicole Richie. So they both grew up fairly well off. And they both would attend tony colleges in New England. Ellis would attend Bennington College in Vermont, a private liberal arts college whose alumni include fellow writers Jonathan Lethem and Donna Tartt, who would both graduate from Bennington the same year as Ellis, 1986. While still attending The Buckley School, the then sixteen year old Ellis would start writing the book he would call Less Than Zero, after the Elvis Costello song. The story would follow a protagonist not unlike Bret Easton Ellis and his adventures through a high school not unlike Buckley. Unlike the final product, Ellis's first draft of Less Than Zero wore its heart on its sleeve, and was written in the third person. Ellis would do a couple of rewrites of the novel during his final years at Buckley and his first years at Bennington, until his creative writing professor, true crime novelist Joe McGinness, suggested to the young writer that he revert his story back to the first person, which Ellis was at first hesitant to do. But once he did start to rewrite the story as a traditional novel, everything seemed to click. Ellis would have his book finished by the end of the year, and McGinniss was so impressed with the final product that he would submit it to his own agent to send out to publishers. Bret Easton Ellis was only a second year student at the time. And because timing is everything in life, Less Than Zero was being submitted to publishers just as Bright Lights, Big City was tearing up the best seller charts, and the publisher Simon and Schuster would purchase the rights to the book for $5,000. When the book was published in June 1985, Ellis just finished his third year at Bennington. He was only twenty-one years and three months old. Oh… also… before the book was published, the film producer Marvin Worth, whose credits included Bob Fosse's 1974 doc-drama about Lenny Bruce starring Dustin Hoffman, 1979's musical drama The Rose, Bette Midler's breakthrough film as an actress, and the 1983 Dudley Moore comedy Unfaithfully Yours, would purchase the rights to make the novel into a movie, for $7,500. The film would be produced at Twentieth Century-Fox, under the supervision of the studio's then vice president of production, Scott Rudin. The book would become a success upon its release, with young readers gravitating towards Clay and his aimless, meandering tour of the rich and decadent young adults in Los Angeles circa Christmas 1984, bouncing through parties and conversations and sex and drugs and shopping malls. One of those readers who became obsessed with the book was a then-seventeen year old Los Angeles native who had just returned to the city after three years of high school in Northern California. Me. I read Less Than Zero easily three times that summer, enraptured not only with Ellis's minimalist prose but with Clay specifically. Although I was neither bisexual nor a user of drugs, Clay was the closest thing I had ever seen to myself in a book before. I had kept in touch with my school friends from junior high while I lived in Santa Cruz, and I found myself to have drifted far away from them during my time away from them. And then when I went back to Santa Cruz shortly after Christmas in 1985, I had a similar feeling of isolation from a number of my friends there, not six months after leaving high school. I also loved how Ellis threw in a number of then-current Los Angeles-specific references, including two mentions of KROQ DJ Richard Blade, who was the coolest guy in radio on the planet. And thanks to Sirius XM and its First Wave channel, I can still listen to Richard Blade almost daily, but now from wherever I might be in the world. But I digress. My bond with Less Than Zero only deepened the next time I read it in early 1986. One of the things I used to do as a young would-be screenwriter living in Los Angeles was to try and write adaptation of novels when I wasn't going to school, going to movies, or working as a file clerk at a law firm. But one book I couldn't adapt for the life of me was Less Than Zero. Sure, there was a story there, but its episodic nature made it difficult to create a coherent storyline. Fox felt the same way, so they would hire Michael Cristofer, a Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright, to do the first draft of the script. Cristofer had just finished writing the adaptation of John Updike's The Witches of Eastwick that Mad Max director George Miller was about to direct, and he would do a literal adaptation of Ellis's book, with all the drugs and sex and violence, except for a slight rehabilitation of the lead character's sexuality. Although it was still the 1980s, with one part of the nation dramatically shifting its perspective on many types of sexuality, it was still Ronald Reagan's 1980s America, and maybe it wasn't a good idea to have the lead character be openly bisexual in a major studio motion picture. Cristofer would complete his first draft of the script in just one month, and producer Marvin Worth really loved it. Problem was, the Fox executives hated it. In a November 18th, 1987, New York Times article about the adaptation, Worth would tell writer Allen Harmetz that he thought Cristofer's script was highly commercial, because “it had something gripping to say about the dilemma of a generation to whom nothing matters.” Which, as someone who had just turned twenty years old eight days after the movie's release and four days before this article came out, I absolutely disagree with. My generation cared about a great many things. We cared about human rights. We cared about ending apartheid. We cared about ending AIDS and what was happening politically and economically. Yeah, we also cared about puffy jean jackets and neon colored clothes and other non-sensical things to take our minds off all the other junk we were dealing with, but it would be typical of a forty something screenwriter and a fiftysomething producer to thing we didn't give a damn about anything. But again, I digress. Worth and the studio would agree on one thing. It wasn't really a drug film, but about young people being destroyed by the privilege of having everything you ever wanted available to you. But the studio would want the movie version of the book to be a bit more sanitized for mainstream consumption. Goodbye, Marvin Worth. Hello, Jon Avnet. In 1986, Jon Avnet was mostly a producer of low-budget films for television, with titles like Between Two Women and Calendar Girl Murders, but he had struck gold in 1983 with a lower-budgeted studio movie with a first-time director and a little known lead actor. That movie was Risky Business, and it made that little known lead actor, Tom Cruise, a bona-fide star. Avnet, wanting to make the move out of television and onto the big screen, would hire Harley Peyton, a former script reader for former Columbia Pictures and MGM/UA head David Begelman, who you might remember from several of our previous episodes, and six-time Oscar nominated producer/screenwriter Ernest Lehman. Peyton would spend weeks in Avnet's office, pouring over every page of the book, deciding what to keep, what to toss, and what to change. Two of the first things to go were the screening of a “snuff” film on the beach, and a scene where a twelve year old girl is tied to a bedpost and raped by one of the main characters. Julian would still hustle himself out to men for money to buy drugs, but Clay would a committed heterosexual. Casting on the film would see many of Hollywood's leading younger male actors looked at for Clay, including a twenty-three year old recent transplant from Oklahoma looking not only for his first leading role, but his first speaking role on screen. Brad Pitt. The producers would instead go with twenty-four year old Andrew McCarthy, an amiable-enough actor who had already made a name for himself with such films as St. Elmo's Fire and Pretty in Pink, and who would have another hit film in Mannequin between being cast as Clay and the start of production. For Blair, they would cast Jami Gertz, who had spent years on the cusp of stardom, between her co-starring role as Muffy Tepperman on the iconic 1982 CBS series Square Pegs, to movies such as Quicksilver and Crossroads that were expected to be bigger than they ended up being. The ace up her sleeve was the upcoming vampire horror/comedy film The Lost Boys, which Warner Brothers was so certain was going to be a huge hit, they would actually move it away from its original Spring 1987 release date to a prime mid-July release. The third point in the triangle, Julian, would see Robert Downey Jr. get cast. Today, it's hard to understand just how not famous Downey was at the time. He had been featured in movies like Weird Science and Tuff Turf, and spent a year as a Not Ready For Prime Time Player on what most people agree was the single worst season of Saturday Night Live, but his star was starting to rise. What the producers did not know, and Downey did not elaborate on, was that, like Julian, Downey was falling down a spiral of drug use, which would make his performance more method-like than anyone could have guessed. The Red Hot Chili Peppers, who were hot in the Los Angeles music scene but were still a couple years from the release of their breakout album, 1989's Mothers Milk, were cast to play a band in one of the party scenes, and additional cast members would include James Spader and Lisanne Falk, who would become semi-famous two years later as one of the Heathers. Impressed with a 1984 British historical drama called Another Country featuring Colin Firth, Cary Elwes and Rupert Everett, Avnet would hire that film's 35 year old director, Marek Kanievska, to make his American directing debut. But Kanievska would be in for a major culture shock when he learned just how different the American studio system was to the British production system. Shooting on the film was set to begin in Los Angeles on May 6th, 1987, and the film was already scheduled to open in theatres barely six months later. One major element that would help keep the movie moving along was cinematographer Ed Lachman. Lachman had been working as a cinematographer for nearly 15 years, and had shot movies like Jonathan Demme's Last Embrace, Susan Sideman's Desperately Seeking Susan, and David Byrne's True Stories. Lachman knew how to keep things on track for lower budgeted movies, and at only $8m, Less Than Zero was the second lowest budgeted film for Twentieth Century-Fox for the entire year. Not that having a lower budget was going to stop Kanievska and Lachman from trying make the best film they could. They would stage the film in the garish neon lighting the 80s would be best known for, with cool flairs like lighting a poolside discussion between Clay and Julian where the ripples of the water and the underwater lights create an effect on the characters' faces that highlight Julian's literal drowning in his problems. There's also one very awesome shot where Clay's convertible, parked in the middle of a street with its top down, as we see Clay and Blair making out while scores of motorcycles loudly pass by them on either side. And there's a Steadicam shot during the party scene featuring the Chili Peppers which is supposed to be out of this world, but it's likely we'll never see it. Once the film was finished shooting and Kanievska turned in his assembly cut, the studio was not happy with the film. It was edgier than they wanted, and they had a problem with the party scene with the Peppers. Specifically, that the band was jumping around on screen, extremely sweaty, without their shirts on. It also didn't help that Larry Gordon, the President of Fox who had approved the purchase of the book, had been let go before production on the film began, and his replacement, Alan Horn, who did give the final go-ahead on the film, had also been summarily dismissed. His replacement, Leonard Goldberg, really hated the material, thought it was distasteful, but Barry Diller, the chairman of the studio, was still a supporter of the project. During all this infighting, the director, Kanievska, had been released from the film. Before any test screenings. Test screenings had really become a part of the studio modus operandi in the 1980s, and Fox would often hold their test screenings on the Fox Studio Lot in Century City. There are several screenings rooms on the Fox lot, from the 53 seat William Fox Theatre, to the 476 seat Darryl Zanuck Theatre. Most of the Less Than Zero test screenings would be held in the 120 seat Little Theatre, so that audience reactions would be easier to gauge, and should they want to keep some of the audience over for a post-screening Q&A, it would be easier to recruit eight or ten audience members. That first test screening did not go over well. Even though the screening room was filled with young people between the ages of 15 and 24, and many of them were recruited from nearby malls like the Century City Mall and the Beverly Center based off a stated liking of Andrew McCarthy, they really didn't like Jami Hertz's character, and they really hated Robert Downey Jr's. Several of the harder scenes of drug use with their characters would be toned down, either through judicious editing, or new scenes were shot, such as when Blair is seen dumping her cocaine into a bathroom sink, which was filmed without a director by the cinematographer, Ed Lachman. They'd also shoot a flashback scene to the trio's high school graduation, meant to show them in happier times. The film would be completed three weeks before its November 6th release date, and Fox would book the film into 871 theatres., going up against no less than seven other new movies, including a Shelley Long comedy, Hello Again, the fourth entry in the Death Wish series, yet another Jon Cryer high school movie, Hiding Out, a weird Patrick Swayze sci-fi movie called Steel Dawn, a relatively tame fantasy romance film from Alan Rudolph called Made in Heaven, and a movie called Ruskies which starred a very young Joaquin Phoenix when he was still known as Leaf Phoenix, while also contending with movies like Fatal Attraction, Baby Boom and Dirty Dancing, which were all still doing very well two to four months in theatres. The reviews for the film were mostly bad. If there was any saving grace critically, it would be the praise heaped upon Downey for his raw performance as a drug addict, but of course, no one knew he actually was a drug addict at that time. The film would open in fourth place with $3.01m in ticket sales, less than half of what Fatal Attraction grossed that weekend, in its eighth week of release. And the following weeks' drops would be swift and merciless. Down 36% in its second week, another 41% in its third, and had one of the worst drops in its fourth week, the four day Thanksgiving holiday weekend, when many movies were up in ticket sales. By early December, the film was mostly playing in dollar houses, and by the first of the year, Fox had already stopped tracking it, with slightly less than $12.4m in tickets sold. As of the writing of this episode, at the end of November 2022, you cannot find Less Than Zero streaming anywhere, although if you do want to see it online, it's not that hard to find. But it has been available for streaming in the past on sites like Amazon Prime and The Roku Channel, so hopefully it will find its way back to streaming in the future. Or you can find a copy of the 21 year old DVD on Amazon. Thank you for listening. We'll talk again real soon, when our final episode of 2022, Episode 96, on Michael Jackson's Thriller, is released. Remember to visit this episode's page on our website, The80sMoviePodcast.com, for extra materials about Less Than Zero the movie and the novel, and its author, Bret Easton Ellis. The 80s Movies Podcast has been researched, written, narrated and edited by Edward Havens for Idiosyncratic Entertainment. Thank you again. Good night.
This episode looks at the 1984 debut novel by Bret Easton Ellis, and its 1987 film adaptation. ----more---- Hello, and welcome to The 80s Movies Podcast. I am your host, Edward Havens. Thank you for listening today. On this episode, we're going to talk about 80s author Bret Easton Ellis and his 1985 novel Less Than Zero, the literal polar opposite of last week's subjects, Jay McInerney and his 1984 novel Bright Lights, Big City. As I mentioned last week, McInerney was twenty-nine when he published Bright Lights, Big City. What I forgot to mention was that he was born and raised in Hartford, Connecticut, halfway between Boston and New York City, and he would a part of that elite East Coast community that befits the upper class child of a corporate executive. Bret Easton Ellis was born and raised in Los Angeles. His father was a property developer, and his parents would divorce when he was 18. He would attend high school at The Buckley School, a college prep school in nearby Sherman Oaks, whose other famous alumni include a who's who of modern pop culture history, including Paul Thomas Anderson, Tucker Carlson, Laura Dern, Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Alyssa Milano, Matthew Perry, and Nicole Richie. So they both grew up fairly well off. And they both would attend tony colleges in New England. Ellis would attend Bennington College in Vermont, a private liberal arts college whose alumni include fellow writers Jonathan Lethem and Donna Tartt, who would both graduate from Bennington the same year as Ellis, 1986. While still attending The Buckley School, the then sixteen year old Ellis would start writing the book he would call Less Than Zero, after the Elvis Costello song. The story would follow a protagonist not unlike Bret Easton Ellis and his adventures through a high school not unlike Buckley. Unlike the final product, Ellis's first draft of Less Than Zero wore its heart on its sleeve, and was written in the third person. Ellis would do a couple of rewrites of the novel during his final years at Buckley and his first years at Bennington, until his creative writing professor, true crime novelist Joe McGinness, suggested to the young writer that he revert his story back to the first person, which Ellis was at first hesitant to do. But once he did start to rewrite the story as a traditional novel, everything seemed to click. Ellis would have his book finished by the end of the year, and McGinniss was so impressed with the final product that he would submit it to his own agent to send out to publishers. Bret Easton Ellis was only a second year student at the time. And because timing is everything in life, Less Than Zero was being submitted to publishers just as Bright Lights, Big City was tearing up the best seller charts, and the publisher Simon and Schuster would purchase the rights to the book for $5,000. When the book was published in June 1985, Ellis just finished his third year at Bennington. He was only twenty-one years and three months old. Oh… also… before the book was published, the film producer Marvin Worth, whose credits included Bob Fosse's 1974 doc-drama about Lenny Bruce starring Dustin Hoffman, 1979's musical drama The Rose, Bette Midler's breakthrough film as an actress, and the 1983 Dudley Moore comedy Unfaithfully Yours, would purchase the rights to make the novel into a movie, for $7,500. The film would be produced at Twentieth Century-Fox, under the supervision of the studio's then vice president of production, Scott Rudin. The book would become a success upon its release, with young readers gravitating towards Clay and his aimless, meandering tour of the rich and decadent young adults in Los Angeles circa Christmas 1984, bouncing through parties and conversations and sex and drugs and shopping malls. One of those readers who became obsessed with the book was a then-seventeen year old Los Angeles native who had just returned to the city after three years of high school in Northern California. Me. I read Less Than Zero easily three times that summer, enraptured not only with Ellis's minimalist prose but with Clay specifically. Although I was neither bisexual nor a user of drugs, Clay was the closest thing I had ever seen to myself in a book before. I had kept in touch with my school friends from junior high while I lived in Santa Cruz, and I found myself to have drifted far away from them during my time away from them. And then when I went back to Santa Cruz shortly after Christmas in 1985, I had a similar feeling of isolation from a number of my friends there, not six months after leaving high school. I also loved how Ellis threw in a number of then-current Los Angeles-specific references, including two mentions of KROQ DJ Richard Blade, who was the coolest guy in radio on the planet. And thanks to Sirius XM and its First Wave channel, I can still listen to Richard Blade almost daily, but now from wherever I might be in the world. But I digress. My bond with Less Than Zero only deepened the next time I read it in early 1986. One of the things I used to do as a young would-be screenwriter living in Los Angeles was to try and write adaptation of novels when I wasn't going to school, going to movies, or working as a file clerk at a law firm. But one book I couldn't adapt for the life of me was Less Than Zero. Sure, there was a story there, but its episodic nature made it difficult to create a coherent storyline. Fox felt the same way, so they would hire Michael Cristofer, a Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright, to do the first draft of the script. Cristofer had just finished writing the adaptation of John Updike's The Witches of Eastwick that Mad Max director George Miller was about to direct, and he would do a literal adaptation of Ellis's book, with all the drugs and sex and violence, except for a slight rehabilitation of the lead character's sexuality. Although it was still the 1980s, with one part of the nation dramatically shifting its perspective on many types of sexuality, it was still Ronald Reagan's 1980s America, and maybe it wasn't a good idea to have the lead character be openly bisexual in a major studio motion picture. Cristofer would complete his first draft of the script in just one month, and producer Marvin Worth really loved it. Problem was, the Fox executives hated it. In a November 18th, 1987, New York Times article about the adaptation, Worth would tell writer Allen Harmetz that he thought Cristofer's script was highly commercial, because “it had something gripping to say about the dilemma of a generation to whom nothing matters.” Which, as someone who had just turned twenty years old eight days after the movie's release and four days before this article came out, I absolutely disagree with. My generation cared about a great many things. We cared about human rights. We cared about ending apartheid. We cared about ending AIDS and what was happening politically and economically. Yeah, we also cared about puffy jean jackets and neon colored clothes and other non-sensical things to take our minds off all the other junk we were dealing with, but it would be typical of a forty something screenwriter and a fiftysomething producer to thing we didn't give a damn about anything. But again, I digress. Worth and the studio would agree on one thing. It wasn't really a drug film, but about young people being destroyed by the privilege of having everything you ever wanted available to you. But the studio would want the movie version of the book to be a bit more sanitized for mainstream consumption. Goodbye, Marvin Worth. Hello, Jon Avnet. In 1986, Jon Avnet was mostly a producer of low-budget films for television, with titles like Between Two Women and Calendar Girl Murders, but he had struck gold in 1983 with a lower-budgeted studio movie with a first-time director and a little known lead actor. That movie was Risky Business, and it made that little known lead actor, Tom Cruise, a bona-fide star. Avnet, wanting to make the move out of television and onto the big screen, would hire Harley Peyton, a former script reader for former Columbia Pictures and MGM/UA head David Begelman, who you might remember from several of our previous episodes, and six-time Oscar nominated producer/screenwriter Ernest Lehman. Peyton would spend weeks in Avnet's office, pouring over every page of the book, deciding what to keep, what to toss, and what to change. Two of the first things to go were the screening of a “snuff” film on the beach, and a scene where a twelve year old girl is tied to a bedpost and raped by one of the main characters. Julian would still hustle himself out to men for money to buy drugs, but Clay would a committed heterosexual. Casting on the film would see many of Hollywood's leading younger male actors looked at for Clay, including a twenty-three year old recent transplant from Oklahoma looking not only for his first leading role, but his first speaking role on screen. Brad Pitt. The producers would instead go with twenty-four year old Andrew McCarthy, an amiable-enough actor who had already made a name for himself with such films as St. Elmo's Fire and Pretty in Pink, and who would have another hit film in Mannequin between being cast as Clay and the start of production. For Blair, they would cast Jami Gertz, who had spent years on the cusp of stardom, between her co-starring role as Muffy Tepperman on the iconic 1982 CBS series Square Pegs, to movies such as Quicksilver and Crossroads that were expected to be bigger than they ended up being. The ace up her sleeve was the upcoming vampire horror/comedy film The Lost Boys, which Warner Brothers was so certain was going to be a huge hit, they would actually move it away from its original Spring 1987 release date to a prime mid-July release. The third point in the triangle, Julian, would see Robert Downey Jr. get cast. Today, it's hard to understand just how not famous Downey was at the time. He had been featured in movies like Weird Science and Tuff Turf, and spent a year as a Not Ready For Prime Time Player on what most people agree was the single worst season of Saturday Night Live, but his star was starting to rise. What the producers did not know, and Downey did not elaborate on, was that, like Julian, Downey was falling down a spiral of drug use, which would make his performance more method-like than anyone could have guessed. The Red Hot Chili Peppers, who were hot in the Los Angeles music scene but were still a couple years from the release of their breakout album, 1989's Mothers Milk, were cast to play a band in one of the party scenes, and additional cast members would include James Spader and Lisanne Falk, who would become semi-famous two years later as one of the Heathers. Impressed with a 1984 British historical drama called Another Country featuring Colin Firth, Cary Elwes and Rupert Everett, Avnet would hire that film's 35 year old director, Marek Kanievska, to make his American directing debut. But Kanievska would be in for a major culture shock when he learned just how different the American studio system was to the British production system. Shooting on the film was set to begin in Los Angeles on May 6th, 1987, and the film was already scheduled to open in theatres barely six months later. One major element that would help keep the movie moving along was cinematographer Ed Lachman. Lachman had been working as a cinematographer for nearly 15 years, and had shot movies like Jonathan Demme's Last Embrace, Susan Sideman's Desperately Seeking Susan, and David Byrne's True Stories. Lachman knew how to keep things on track for lower budgeted movies, and at only $8m, Less Than Zero was the second lowest budgeted film for Twentieth Century-Fox for the entire year. Not that having a lower budget was going to stop Kanievska and Lachman from trying make the best film they could. They would stage the film in the garish neon lighting the 80s would be best known for, with cool flairs like lighting a poolside discussion between Clay and Julian where the ripples of the water and the underwater lights create an effect on the characters' faces that highlight Julian's literal drowning in his problems. There's also one very awesome shot where Clay's convertible, parked in the middle of a street with its top down, as we see Clay and Blair making out while scores of motorcycles loudly pass by them on either side. And there's a Steadicam shot during the party scene featuring the Chili Peppers which is supposed to be out of this world, but it's likely we'll never see it. Once the film was finished shooting and Kanievska turned in his assembly cut, the studio was not happy with the film. It was edgier than they wanted, and they had a problem with the party scene with the Peppers. Specifically, that the band was jumping around on screen, extremely sweaty, without their shirts on. It also didn't help that Larry Gordon, the President of Fox who had approved the purchase of the book, had been let go before production on the film began, and his replacement, Alan Horn, who did give the final go-ahead on the film, had also been summarily dismissed. His replacement, Leonard Goldberg, really hated the material, thought it was distasteful, but Barry Diller, the chairman of the studio, was still a supporter of the project. During all this infighting, the director, Kanievska, had been released from the film. Before any test screenings. Test screenings had really become a part of the studio modus operandi in the 1980s, and Fox would often hold their test screenings on the Fox Studio Lot in Century City. There are several screenings rooms on the Fox lot, from the 53 seat William Fox Theatre, to the 476 seat Darryl Zanuck Theatre. Most of the Less Than Zero test screenings would be held in the 120 seat Little Theatre, so that audience reactions would be easier to gauge, and should they want to keep some of the audience over for a post-screening Q&A, it would be easier to recruit eight or ten audience members. That first test screening did not go over well. Even though the screening room was filled with young people between the ages of 15 and 24, and many of them were recruited from nearby malls like the Century City Mall and the Beverly Center based off a stated liking of Andrew McCarthy, they really didn't like Jami Hertz's character, and they really hated Robert Downey Jr's. Several of the harder scenes of drug use with their characters would be toned down, either through judicious editing, or new scenes were shot, such as when Blair is seen dumping her cocaine into a bathroom sink, which was filmed without a director by the cinematographer, Ed Lachman. They'd also shoot a flashback scene to the trio's high school graduation, meant to show them in happier times. The film would be completed three weeks before its November 6th release date, and Fox would book the film into 871 theatres., going up against no less than seven other new movies, including a Shelley Long comedy, Hello Again, the fourth entry in the Death Wish series, yet another Jon Cryer high school movie, Hiding Out, a weird Patrick Swayze sci-fi movie called Steel Dawn, a relatively tame fantasy romance film from Alan Rudolph called Made in Heaven, and a movie called Ruskies which starred a very young Joaquin Phoenix when he was still known as Leaf Phoenix, while also contending with movies like Fatal Attraction, Baby Boom and Dirty Dancing, which were all still doing very well two to four months in theatres. The reviews for the film were mostly bad. If there was any saving grace critically, it would be the praise heaped upon Downey for his raw performance as a drug addict, but of course, no one knew he actually was a drug addict at that time. The film would open in fourth place with $3.01m in ticket sales, less than half of what Fatal Attraction grossed that weekend, in its eighth week of release. And the following weeks' drops would be swift and merciless. Down 36% in its second week, another 41% in its third, and had one of the worst drops in its fourth week, the four day Thanksgiving holiday weekend, when many movies were up in ticket sales. By early December, the film was mostly playing in dollar houses, and by the first of the year, Fox had already stopped tracking it, with slightly less than $12.4m in tickets sold. As of the writing of this episode, at the end of November 2022, you cannot find Less Than Zero streaming anywhere, although if you do want to see it online, it's not that hard to find. But it has been available for streaming in the past on sites like Amazon Prime and The Roku Channel, so hopefully it will find its way back to streaming in the future. Or you can find a copy of the 21 year old DVD on Amazon. Thank you for listening. We'll talk again real soon, when our final episode of 2022, Episode 96, on Michael Jackson's Thriller, is released. Remember to visit this episode's page on our website, The80sMoviePodcast.com, for extra materials about Less Than Zero the movie and the novel, and its author, Bret Easton Ellis. The 80s Movies Podcast has been researched, written, narrated and edited by Edward Havens for Idiosyncratic Entertainment. Thank you again. Good night.
This episode explores the history and firsthand accounts of paranormal experiences within the Beverly Center, a shopping mall located in Los Angeles, California. Beginning in July of 2022 with a store relocation, supernatural occurrences have been happening on the daily leaving my coworkers and I puzzled and looking for answers. Through the use of a psychic and our own firsthand accounts, this episodes summarizes the last four months in attempts at a deeper understanding of the energy contained within this space.Episode Breakdown :0 - 10 min - intro / history of Beverly Center10 - 15 min - deaths at Beverly Center15 - 27 min - stories27 - 45 min - guest stories
Your bluetooth will use a dog chain as a weapon when the Speedy Meaty Legend of Graffiti, the Sultan of Spray Cans, the Saint of Spray Paint, Anger of CBS, sprays new, untold stories in the overpass of your ears with Big Lucks, Ol' Blue Eyes, and Chumahan, hear the violence the used to go down at the Beverly Center, listen to the stories of writing on trains, the various legends and true canibalism, listen to underground sewer writing, in abandoned houses and how Social Media has impacted this amazing artform. #westcoast #California #art #writing #graffiti@biglucks17 @chumahan @estevanoriol @angercbscrewwww.hardluckshow.comwww.hardluckshow.com/mercadoEmail to: hluckshow@gmail.comHLS: Audiobook ART OF WAR hls.gumroad.com/l/mbhxs Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-hard-luck-show/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Rapper Quando Rondo was targeted in a shooting yesterday (August 19th) in Los Angeles across from the Beverly Center, which left one of his associates dead. The Savannah, Georgia, rapper was traveling in a Cadillac Escalade around 5:30 P.M yesterday. When they stopped to get gas, a team of three hitmen in a white vehicle rolled up on the SUV and began firing at least 15 rounds at the rapper and his entourage. Quando Ronda and his associates attempted to flee, but an associate of the rapper named Lul Pub was hit and mortally wounded. The rapper and his friends rushed Lul Pub to a local hospital but eventually succumbed to his wounds. Police are still looking for the three men who pulled off the brazen, broad daylight murder. “We don't see any kind of argument or anything go on beforehand, so clearly, these men came here with a mission in mind,” Lieutenant John Radtke of the LAPD told Fox News Channel 11. source: UPDATE: Quando Rondo Avoids Death In Los Angeles; Affiliates Lul Pub And Fendi Killed - AllHipHop --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/masseffect/support
On this episode, we take a look back not at the career of an actor or director, nor about a specific movie or a distributor, but at a movie theatre that opened forty years ago today, that would change the course of the theatrical exhibition industry forever: The Cineplex Beverly Center. ----more---- The Beverly Center and its flagship movie theatre, the first theatre in America to have a double-digit number of screens under one roof, opened on July 16th, 1982, and the theatre would quickly become one of the busiest movie theatres in the country, and whose success would help drive an astounding wave of new builds and acquisitions that would take Cineplex from a single theatre complex in Toronto to the biggest exhibitor in North America in less than ten years. In addition to the host's personal recollections of working at the theatre in the 1990s, the 2000s and the 2010s, we also talk to film historian, author and UCSB professor Ross Melnick about the impact the theatre had on the entire film industry.
On this episode, we take a look back not at the career of an actor or director, nor about a specific movie or a distributor, but at a movie theatre that opened forty years ago today, that would change the course of the theatrical exhibition industry forever: The Cineplex Beverly Center. ----more---- The Beverly Center and its flagship movie theatre, the first theatre in America to have a double-digit number of screens under one roof, opened on July 16th, 1982, and the theatre would quickly become one of the busiest movie theatres in the country, and whose success would help drive an astounding wave of new builds and acquisitions that would take Cineplex from a single theatre complex in Toronto to the biggest exhibitor in North America in less than ten years. In addition to the host's personal recollections of working at the theatre in the 1990s, the 2000s and the 2010s, we also talk to film historian, author and UCSB professor Ross Melnick about the impact the theatre had on the entire film industry.
We're doing things a little different this week! Today's guests on the She Did That. podcast are Tai Beauchamp of Brown Girl Jane + Morning Mindset with Tai and Kalilah Wright of Mess in a Bottle. This episode was recorded live from Renae's She Did That. Short Stories screening and panel discussion at the Beverly Center in Los Angeles. So many women believe that we have to do it all by ourselves and this couldn't be further from the truth. Listen in as Renae, Tai, and Kalilah talk about how their communities keep them lifted in both their businesses and personal lives. Produced by Dear Media
This week's guest is Nicaila Matthews Okome, host of the “Side Hustle Pro." podcast. She is a Jamaican born, Bronx bred marketer and side hustler turned full-time podcaster and entrepreneur. Her commitment to helping other multi-passionate side hustlers find their voice and share their message with the world is unmatched. Listen in as Nicaila joins us to talk about getting the confidence to follow your passion, how to turn that passion into profit, and when you'll know if the side hustle life is for you. Come out and shop the She Did That. pop-up boutique at the Beverly Center on June 22nd and 23rd from 10a - 8p. Get to know new Black women-owned brands and support some of your favs as part of Emerge in Color curated by Maison Black and The Black Fashion Movement. RSVP to see the screening of "She Did That. Short Stories" Produced by Dear Media
Founder and CEO Brianna Arps is a former Refinery29 editor-turned-marketing expert whose passion for people, storytelling, and all things beauty led to the birth of her very own "brand-children" MOODEAUX® and Black In Fragrance.™ In the same way as her bold sense of style, Brianna wears her emotions like a badge of honor — navigating through life by the simple motto: Flaunt How You Feel.™ A St. Louis native, she's known as an outspoken, charismatic, big thinker working to make the world around her better — starting with perfume. Today on the She Did That podcast, you'll learn more about how my relationship with Brianna came to be, why it's so important to choose the right friendships and partnerships, and how she's navigating life as a new founder in the clean fragrance world. Come out and shop the She Did That. pop-up boutique at the Beverly Center on June 22nd and 23rd from 10a - 8p. Get to know new Black women-owned brands and support some of your favs as part of Emerge in Color curated by Maison Black and The Black Fashion Movement. RSVP to see the screening of "She Did That. Short Stories" Produced by Dear Media
Christina Funke Tegbe is the founder and creative visionary behind 54 Thrones, an African beauty brand inspired by the richness, diversity, and cultures of the continent and its people. With community as one of her brand's core values, Christina attributes her success to partnerships with women-run cooperatives and entrepreneurs in Ghana, Egypt, Morocco, Nigeria, and Uganda. The brand proudly promotes trade not aid, by conducting business on the continent to change the narrative. Christina's beautypreneur journey was inspired by her Nigerian aunt who made sure her family took tubs of shea butter home to the U.S. after each and every visit. You know that auntie that refuses to let you leave her house empty handed? She is why 54 Thrones exists today! Listen in as Christina reflects on her aunt's influence in her career, what it's like to pitch your business on Shark Tank, and why Africa is the origin of “clean beauty.” Support the "She Did That. Pop-Up Boutique" on June 22-23 from 10a - 8p at the Beverly Center. There are going to be a total of over 50 Black-owned brands to shop from. RSVP for to see the screening of "She Did That. Short Stories" Produced by Dear Media
“Farmer and chef Nathan Peitso of Los Angeles-originated restaurant brand, Farmhouse (formerly located at the Beverly Center,) is now owner/executive chef at Solvang’s Sear Steakhouse. The Santa Barbara County wine country steakhouse, which initially opened in March 2021 under previous ownership, … Continue reading → The post Show 477, June 4, 2022: Show Preview with Executive Producer & Co-Host Andy Harris appeared first on SoCal Restaurant Show.
“Farmer and chef Nathan Peitso of Los Angeles-originated restaurant brand, Farmhouse (formerly located at the Beverly Center,) is now owner/executive chef at Solvang’s Sear Steakhouse. The Santa Barbara County wine country steakhouse, which initially opened in March 2021 under previous … Continue reading → The post Show 477, June 4, 2022: Proprietor & Executive Chef Nathan Peitso, Sear Steakhouse, Solvang, CA Part One appeared first on SoCal Restaurant Show.
“Farmer and chef Nathan Peitso of Los Angeles-originated restaurant brand, Farmhouse (formerly located at the Beverly Center,) is now owner/executive chef at Solvang’s Sear Steakhouse. The Santa Barbara County wine country steakhouse, which initially opened in March 2021 under previous … Continue reading → The post Show 477, June 4, 2022: Proprietor & Executive Chef Nathan Peitso, Sear Steakhouse, Solvang, CA Part Two appeared first on SoCal Restaurant Show.
Jeff recounts the horrible events that occurred yesterday which include going to the Beverly Center without valet parking, going to the bank and being called an *sshole, and Stu's dog suddenly passing. Later, Stu and Jeff air out their relationship grievances while Amy and the crew tries to mediate.
Why did you do this? I didn't do this! You did this! I didn't do this! Why would I do this? How could you! I didn't! What the fuck is HE doing here? What the fuck. You need to stop this. I can't stop. What did you DO. Exactly what I had to. Shasta! Who the fuck is that? That's that bitch. I told you it was Shasta. Who the fuck is Shasta. What show is this? Where is Skrillex? FUCK SKR— Wait, what show is this? INT. THE VOID. DAY & NIGHT. I remember the first time I ever realized, I could love anyone in the world, if they needed me to—or, if they just gave me the chance. Or if I got the chance. Or, if there was a chance. And, if there was a chance, and it was supposed to happen, it always would—especially if I wanted it— But definitely, if I needed it. But, what is is “if”? And, what is “supposed”? What is it to “want”? And what's a “need”? Now I know— or at least pretend to. Because, the more it is I think I know, the actual less I feel that I actually do; None the wiser, I am what I always was— And God is, as I am. INT. TURNER STREET—FAIRBANKS, ALASKA. DAY. Have you heard of Dillon Francis? I mean, I've heard of him… He's hilarious. I feel like me and him would get along. I doubt that. Look at this. No, thank you. Just watch it. Video: Need You, NGTMRE and Dillon Francis Dillon Francis: “so much trim , dude—shes overage, I think.” —You're probably right. Just watch it. Nah, I'm good. INT. GOOD CANNABIS—FAIRBANKS, ALASKA. DAY —- The DJ—slash—actor somehow became a muse for me after so tragically being entangled in a less-than-comfortable premonition turned fairytale fantasy via tragedy and trauma from the fallout of finding my formerly favorite founding father of modern dance music to have fallen from grace —Or into it— EXT. A DITCH SOMEWHERE. TWILIGHT A drunken DJ is discarded. —only to amazingly recoup and recover, seemingly like magic— Which by the way, is real. A comeback nobody saw coming— And still doesn't see, at least—as of yet. I remember the first time I levitated as an adult; two years later to that very day, I found myself uncontrollably laughing, to the opposite affect, so heavy I seemed almost to be bound to the floor; It was the only gift I received for my birthday that year, though albeit unintentionally given ROFLMAO. What in the fuck does that mean? Rolling on the floor, laughing my ass off. OH, THAT CHUCKLEFUCKER. I just laughed so hard, I came. I saw. Come here, kid. OW. Ohhhhhh, I see. what was THAT. Now, you listen, I am listening. No, you're laughing. That was more than a laugh… It was more than a look. DID YOU SEE THAT? WOW. That was orgasmic. Shishane!! I gotta go. Okay. But come here. (They kiss.) See you tomorrow. Yeah. Okay Hey, I'm home: SHASTA!!!!! Where WHERE YOU? I had work. Finally having caught up to SupaCree (in Skrillex's body), Sonny (as SupaCree) is flabbergasted at her actions. Dressed super flamboyantly and colorful, "Skrillex" looks ridiculous, touting a Jamba Juice and sipping erroneously SupaCree (S): what the fuck. Skrillex (SC): Yooooo. You're ugly. Mau5: you're one to talk. Skrillex: Psh I am sexy as fuck right now. Wow. SupaCree: Jamba Juice? I don't drink Jamba Juice. Skrillex: you do drink Jamba juice. I mean. I do. This was free. Actually, you know what, a lot of shit is free, when you're rich; it's fucked up. Right. Yeah. Doesn't make a lot of sense. ___________ (Earlier) A super hot fan girl walks up to "Skrillex" Hey stranger. Hey...wow. Yeah wow. This is kinda random, but would you want to… (whispers in ear) Woah. That is random. (Basic bitch giggle) haha yeah. You would do that? Yeah! Because...I'm... Skrillex..? Um, yeah, I guess… Huh. … Well...would you do that if I wasn't Skrillex? ..um...no??? Huh. ___________ (later) Skrillex (SC) Yo! Did you know that people will (whispers in ear) just because you're Skrillex. SupaCree (S): (bashfully) Well, yeah... Skrillex: YO! _______ Switching Back In an attempt to return to normal, Skrillex ends up back in his own body, but has left SupaCree and Dillon Francis now stranded in eachothers' bodies. Skrillex/Sonny: sigh of relief--rolls eyes at outfit, but otherwise satisfied, shrugging. SupaCree (DF) Woah I am...colors…! [Looks over self in awe] Dillon Francis (SC): Awh what, no way! Aaaaghhh! SupaCree (DF) [Looking down] ...these are tits. Dillon Francis (SC) : HEY! Don't touch my tits! [Looks in mirror] FUCK YEAH, I'M DILLON FRANCIS: Stuck in SuPaCree's body, Dillon Francis experiences full fledged synethesia heightened by the circumstances of the switch; an array of colors and vibrations fill the world; he stares, taken aback by Skrillex's "colors", which only he can see [but is clearly phonomenal.] SupaCree: Oh man, this is... [looks at Skrillex] Whuuuut. Skrillex: (creeped) What? SupaCree (DF) [steps away from him, wide eyed] ...this is a lot. Dillon Francis (SC) [checking himself out, approving] Dude I'm hungry. What do you eat? SupaCree: what the fuck do you eat? Sugar Cubes of acid? What the FUCK! Dillon francis: I try to stay away from processed sugar-- SupaCree: what the fuck is this shit? Calm Down, You're just ugly. Are you kidding me? !'m tripping dick right now. Dillon Francis: I'm tripping dick right now-- SupaCree: HEY. Dont touch my dick! No tits, no dick! Dillon Francis: first of all, I'm Dillon Francis, I can do whatever I want; secondly, nobody's touching your dick--ew--it's just attached to me. SupaCree: What is wrong with you?! Dillon Francis: nothing, im--i'm Dillon Francis. SupaCree: WHY is everything wavy--what are these colors? Dillon Francis: it's just---mild synesthesia-- SupaCree: "MILD" (to skrillex) Stay over there. SKrillex: K. Dillon Francis: It ramps up when I get excited. Or anxious. Or hungry. SupaCree: Make it stop. Dillon Francis: I can't. That's why I rave. SupaCree: AGH. Dillon Francis: Just don't get too close to Skrillex. Both: Why? Dillon Francis: I don't know, okay? Just...don't. And here, wear these [puts on sunglasses.] There. SupaCree: better...kind of. This is insane. Dillon Francis: just don't play his music… SupaCree: why, what does your music do? [Skrillex is silent. There is an obvious secret Dillon Francis sends a threatening glare towards him, and they nod in agreement not to elaborate] SupaCree: nevermind. Switch me back. Dillon Francis: no way! I'm an even whiter white guy now. I wanna go out! SupaCree: out where? Dillon Francis: I don't know. Somewhere really white. Like. Manhattan beach or--Beverly Center. SupaCree: I don't wanna go out like this! Dillon Francis: you're right, you look ridiculous. [She's still dressed in all black, signature skrillex] _____________ Skrillex, Dillon Francis and SupaCree end up as the finalists in the fight to the death J battle to become “God's” favorite DJ __________ Dillonception -Dillon Francis's Magical Universe immediately follows dillonception, where he uses his newly acquired = magic and works for a variety of characters to save the world, albeit from a DJless post apocalyptic wasteland. _______ Hot fan girl from before: you deleted that picture, right? (Later) Dillon Francis (as supa Cree) is wearing a shirt with a picture of the fangirl and skrillex [insert goofy picture here] a reference to Getter, though the act is innocent rather than sexual, as the prior scenes indicate. The Voices Parodyish Dilon is the only person who sees Gerald and his friends/ family as “just a pinata”, however, Gerald, appears as, in fact, a real person to everyone else, who believes Dillon to just be joking, or even ‘a real asshole' However, it is later revealed that as such, Dilon “suffers” from a condition similar to that which the main character of The Voices also struggle Dillon Francis is officially too hot for Supacree (Sunni Blu, alternately) as they are often booked to work together, Supacree becomes clumsily awry of Dillon Francis, hanzel, and RAF respectively. Don't do this. I'm about to. Just fucking stop! I won't stop. You're being ridiculous. Yes, I am. What—Dillon Francis?! What—Kayla Lauren—? It's a thing. It's a cult. Well, fuck this. I want it. So, get it. I got it. He played you. Okay, then— Listen to me—? I am listening… You are NOT— Let me guess— “NOT HIS TYPE” —yeah, I know. So, what's up! Well, he's hot— That's so gross— I'm an adult— He's a DJ— —a record producer— An Oscar nominated actor— What?! —and Grammy nominated. Wait, excuse me. Same year, too. Different project, though. How'd this happen? “This can't happen” Oh, my God! That never happened. What never happened? Okay. Exactly. What about So— WHO? Sorry. Right, exactly. Hey, how's Kayla? Who is “Kayla”? Well, this hurts. Just use it. He won't stay. Don't need it— —that's the way// I want it. So. Satan. ...hm? Can you handle this? This one's easy. He looks simple. But he's not. Dillon Francis is one of the most powerful Gods of creation in existence. What about Skrillex? There's no Skrillex. What about Sonny? S/He killed him. Oh. Who's this? This is Esmerelda. What's...she doing? Everything I won't. Woah. I'll be back. What is this? I remember this—he married her, and I suffered. Who, Kayla Lauren?! “She's so basic—“ So is Sonny. OoooOoooOooo000hhhh— —shots fired. “ The Simple Skrillex” That's this one. Fuck this nigga —fuck this nigga— And his posse. So, what's Dillon want? Nothing to do with me— Oh— Who are you? Who did you ask for? ...Jesus fucking Christ. What, Dillon Francis? ...are you busy? Jesus Christ and Dillon Francis finally have a face to face. “An Extended Vacation” Oh, my God. Don't say that. Fuck Dillon Francis. ...why does Dillon Francis have my dragon? Does she know I have her dragon WHY DOES DILLON FRANCIS— Is she mad? HABE MY DRAGON? Mm. Is she coming? You know what—?! — I should mention Wigga Skrillex, before I for get again Man, fuck SKRILLEC! Can't. He's “taken” Oh, is he? Plus, Dillon Francis has my—wait—. How did Dillon Francis get my dragon? Hoe did you get my dragon? You keep me jet Blue I can't forget you, But I can forgive you for getting me Used to this, Uselessness I'm just another useless piece of— Dillon Francis, send this shit to Skrillex, And just kill me— Or let's burn it, Just forget it; Didn't write it Need a girlfriend? That can never happen I don't want it, I just fantasized about it once, Or maybe twice I'm in my mind, I'll find you by the time I die, Right? Right? Dillon Francis's kick drum. In the reality where () becomes a college professor, she is interrupted by surprise and stunned, when Skrillex himself appears during a lecture deconstructing his music. After being banished into a reality where Dillon Francis is a level-one DJ in present times, he furiously attempts to escape through multiple failed attempts. He has also lost his ability and masterful magic of music, and experiences the struggle of obscurity and insignificance in the oversaturated and unfair present music scene. Just as he crosses paths with the alternate reality in which he has fallen into an eternity long Dark Void, which spirals towards Hell in a Terrifying Twilight-Zone like wormhole of sorts, where one's deepest transgressions, fears, and doubts are projected through infinite dimensions, often resulting in “The Illusion of Death”, or rather, depending on the construct of the respective reality, the “nearest-to-Death” experience you can possibly have. As the Dillon Francis in the Dark Void gets nearer to Hell, The Dillon Francis in “Dillon Francis Has No Fans Land” (located amongst the Universal Network of alternate parallels U has been been banishing ‘Hollywood People' into, scattering them into realities where they either haven't-yet or never-will make it to superstardom/celebrity status. *Note* This Universe has the highest concentration of SS as an actual person, as it is revealed to be hidden nestled and hidden in a deep subliminal realm of her own subconscious, which creates a protected vortex “off map”, a hidden Universe with its own complexities, Laws of Science, and Concept of Time; A Nearly Inescapable Consciously constructed set on its own independent, multidimensional grid--which only () herself can travel throughout. U kidnapping celebrities by Assassinating them through the “illusion of death” ( sometimes as the Colorful Crypt Keeper, depending on the reality) In our present reality (IRL) The Celebrities have either retired, disappeared into isolation “A Syd Barret”, or more dramatically, have actually died. Once removed from the current reality, the stars wake up in a new reality, where they are no longer wealthy, popular, famous or successful; While some entertainers happily (heaven) adjust to normalcy, finding happiness and bliss in simplicity, most are cascaded into an unraveling downward spiral, deteriorating their mental health as they experience life without privilege or status. “If Your Name Is________________, You're In My Movie” Once collected, they are then sent “One Deeper” into this skewed universe, again by Death, which happens in exact synchronicity of their first death, resetting time; they “What is this, Bad DJ Land?” “Yeah, I mean I call it, Dillon Francis Has No Fans Land, but. Yeah.” (mimicking her) “Yeah.” Venice Ventures (A Collection of Short FIlms, a Spinoff of the Scary Monsters Series, a Tie Into Secret Life of Sunni Blu/Much Ado About Sunni Blu, The Legend of SupaCree -Venice Ventures (Pilot/Venice Mini Burning Man) -Day Of The Dead -Who Killed Matt Maeson -Magic Is Real -Magic Israel -Magic Isn't Real -LSDream (Pt I.Vegas) -LSDream (Pt. II) -Brillz (Sammi The Bampheramph, circa 2013) -Au[DIO]tistic SupaCree meets two new “friends” at a small festival; However, she soon finds that she's on her own, after feeling “third wheeled” and deciding to roam closer to her home (front and center) on the dance floor. During a drop, she breaks into her signature improvisational “dance trance”, drawing a crowd of impressed and fascinated ravers, becoming quite instantly popular; It's almost, even, as if she has fans--as people excitedly ask to trade kandi and share dances. Then, as Getter begins his set--a circle of people have formed around her, groups of tribes, squads, and kandi kids, magnetically drawn to the The Vibe (I Am The Vibe) and spirit energy that the music awakens within her; The Spirits have called her home to journey into the spirit world, sending “Angels”, or “Light Spirits” tasked to assure that she completes this passage into the spirit world--aligning the present, with the future and past; Alternately, in the Dark Underworld, Demons, or “Dark Spirits/Lost Souls” to work against the light, as an effort to consume her, reawakening The Ego. The Ascended Masters, as an order to bestow Stories of Origin, ancient wisdom, and awaken the God Consciousness, allowing for ascension and Projection within the Interdimensions--must release the seal which holds the oldest known [or unknown soul], so that the “Light Magic” can be passed back to the living descendants of the ancestors amast to be Ascended Masters. To Blissfully yet truly unaware of her own light--either deeply within, or shining throughout, people dancing near her are givingly sharing “conscious gifts” forming a smoke circle within what seems to be an almost gravitational pull. She smokes cooly within the circle, enjoying the auras of those around her--who laugh, smile, dance, and greet her with friendly excitement; As she circle closes, she is handed a mysterious cartridge, filled with a liquid which she quickly examines in the dark and smoky crowd of dancers. ...This is weed? The girl neither shakes her head yes, or no--just gazing above the rims of her dark sunglasses. She takes three hits, and passes it back to the masked stranger, who disappears into the dancefloor. Thanks! (but she is already gone) The energy shifts around her, as her ravey extroversion quickly fades into an introverted and inward, calm and thoughtful state. She contently observes, as usual, checking back to see the the couple she came with, as they wave happily at her. She moves more closely to them, gesturing to meet her closer to the front of the dance floor. She looks up at the performance stage; the visuals, the lights, the many working parts of a high-production value theatrical production. The stage is set so that she has to look more upward at the DJ, who she stares at, drifting into what seems to be a daydream. Its time for Meditation. Meditate. Now? Ground Yourself. Are you serious? I just got here! Sit. As the bass drops, The world around her shifts, into a colorful array of light colliding with sound; Enter, World of Floor. (A flashback, to past raves) I always knew this world existed, but never had I imagined the things I hadn't seen, around and between all the things I had as I was flying overhead, passing by admiring all the life...and all the lights... (A montage of the World of Floor) (The Cosmic Owl's Flight) In a beautiful starlit meadow, on some distant parallel or humanoid existence, a group of boys are camping, being boys. One boy, a pale and slender boy with gentle eyes under pink-framed wide lens glasses, gazes up at the sparkling night sky toting his gun upwardly, looking through the scope. A bright shooting star appears, bedazzling him as he looks, rubbing his eye. What are you aiming at? It's darktime, I doubt you'll find anything to shoot. The boy shrugs, Suit yourself. The other boy heads back toward the fire, where at a distance one of the other boys asks “what is he doing?” I don't know, psh. Haha--maybe he's shooting stars. Shut up! They continue on. He scoffs and rolls his eyes, head pointed up as he watches the sky, inwardly wishing for another shooting star, then suddenly--a light, as something large and white flies over the campsite, leaving behind a gust of wind and sparkling light of stardust, dissipating as the boys all point their heads at the sky, wide eyed. WOAH! Did you see that? What do you mean did I see that? I'm sitting right by you! It went right over your head! Like, right by! They search the sky, as the stars seem to twinkle with a brighter blue-white light; The Giant White Owl once more flies by. What the-- Don't just stand there! What IS that thing? I don't know! Shoot it. The boy panics, aiming for the bird. He fires a shot, missing her, then another. Shoot it! From a birds eye view, the boys seem small in the vast meadow, nestled in a beautiful valley on a gigantic “alien” planet, with colorful auroras dancing in the atmosphere. The owl glows with the neon light, with giant wise eyes, whose light reflects the tale of all time. Hearing the two shots, but unfamiliar with the sound, she glides into a curve diving downward over the mountainside, towards the boy with the glasses, in her eye surrounded by an aura of golden light; she tilts her head as the shine in her giant eye sparkles with a loving light; As she admires the light, she cries as the sound of the gunfire aligns with a bullet, spinning her graceful flight into a flash of light, leaving behind a twisting trail of cosmic light and stardust. [*Director's Note:Though she appears only as a Giant White Owl (though with a glowing bright white light, only the boy in the glasses sees (with the naked eye) the neon spectrum of light emitted by The Cosmic Owl, eventually a full Prisim..] He jumps, as his eyes widen with shock and worry, in awe of the spiral of light and a shuttered surprise. You got it! Thank God, I would have called this whole thing off. What was that? At least he got it. Taking his gun off and dropping it, he walks still in awe towards the mountain, in an almost hynotized and quiet stride. ...Hey, where are you going? ...I'm gonna go find it. Go FIND IT? Why!? Just because it's not flying, doesn't mean it's not still alive! That thing was giant! Like three times your size! Ten Times! Unresponsive, and guided by the light, though fading, which has left a spiraled trail against the dark and starry sky. A giant moon rises over the mountain, as she runs into the forested hillside, ascending towards the spiraled light. Go after him. I'm not going after him. Someone go get him. YOU go get him. Pftt. Fuck that. They all stare blankly at eachother in an awkward silence. ...Mom's gonna kill us. -Countdown Shunned by h They know I am Good. Well. How? Who? They. Who this they? Anyone that matters. How--how? Insomniac. Right. EDC. right. The music. Well, it can't always end in martyrdom It always has Stay humble. All are one Whose world is this, anyway? Apparently, ours. Sonny's somewhere Sonny's always somewhere except, wherever I am. Not true. Oh, God. Hm…? What? I just want peace Want, or need? Need. Fair. I need PLUR Al of it? I'd gladly trade my life to rave again You were promised an eternal cebration in paradice Where's paradice Stay on the path San Diego would be on the path. It is. A town called paradice Oh, Tiesto. His wife is 23. Gross. Is it? Is it love? For now. Have faith. I am faith. Be kind. I am kindness. I said, stay humble. Kendrick. And? AND. The remix is always better. Only when it's. . I am Skrillex. As if. what is "if". Go make music. Music made me. I am music. I need tome. Who, what, and when, are driving in a car together… The coffee rub (run*) There's significance in that video there's significance in Dillon Francis Even Deadmau5? Who? On God. ...what? ...oh great, now I gotta figure out which biblical character represents Dillon Francis? It's not Jesus. We know Jesus. (Everyone knows Jesus) It is Jesus. Everything is everything. That's a step. No white saviors! ...go somewhere else. Be a color! … ___ There's a lady in my kitchen, cooking me breakfast. I cooked breakfast. ...is it...poisoned? No, it's breakfast. … … It is hot. Who are you? *censored vigorously* … Apparently, I'm Skrillex. What the fuck. What the fuck. I gotta go. through the other end of the telephone, a DJ, having overheard the conversation pipes in loudly, with peeping curiosity. Is that Skrillex? Call you back. Supacree continues cooking comfortably. Is he there? Another DJ runs towards the phone, having overheard—in the background, we see a news program playing, the headline reads WHERE IS SKRILLEX, the latter obscured. Is he there?! Sounds like him. Yo! It does! Where is Skrillex!? I gotta go. He hangs up the phone. … Dillon suspiciously pushes back his plate. SUPACREE Let me guess. DILLON FRANCIS HEY GOOGLE, call SUPACREE I am Google. DILLON FRANCIS Apparently, You're Skrillex. SUPACREE Apparently, I am. (I AM.) What was that? ...what was that? SUPACREE That was Ï. [beat.] [Very awkward silence] ...I need a… Eat your breakfast. Who are you? Listen, Dillon Francis. Who is that? That's—your name. No, I'm not… … …who are you? Alright, just— look. “NOT DILLON FRANCIS” She forfeits. She forfeits? This tournament is intense. How do you even remember this story? I just remember it...it sticks. ASCENSION. Who wrote this? Who, indeed. Explain that. I can't explain that. You made it, you have to explain it. I didn't make it. Yes, you did. I didn't make this. I will bring her here. How? Jeff: Don't ask me “how”, just watch. (Jeff?) What? I don't know how to spell “Excision” ((But I do.)) That's not a fucking FLEX, it's a SKRILLEX. It is what it is! IT IS WHAT IT IS AND I KNOW A SKRILLEX WHEN I SEE A SKRILLEX ITS A SKRILLEX. *GASP* THE HEX. (Oh shit, what Hex) ((The SKRILL-HEX)) (((AHA.)) Apparently. Watch this. [Ext. Basspod (Underground)] Wait, she's leaving. Where is she going? I don't know. Just-- I can't keep track! She was just-- --RIGHT THERE-- Wait, what was that? What was that? Over there? Over...where? It's….it's that way. That way what? Lets go. GETTER doesn't know what he did. JEFF knows exactly what he did and isn't saying shit. EXCISION knows where you can get it, but not unless you pay. SKRILLEXCISION is the world's hottest super-duo, (who is in reality, just one person.) ((and doesn't exist)) (((at least, in this dimension.))) SUPACREE, is probably -she dead -she's an alien -she has superpowers That's just a Skrillex. I don't think its-- Just leave it. IT'S A BIRD. IT”S A PLANE. IT”S SUPACREE SUPACREE, WHO THE FUCK IS “SUPACREE”? SUPACREE is a SUPERSTAR DJ. (who is actually several different people) ((who are actually just one being)) (((infinite)) SKRILLEX is … … …. … Explain that. I can't explain that, I didn't make that. Oh, you made it. I--okay, wait--no. I am NOT taking responsibility for this-- (She is responsible for this) ((and infinite other things)) (((everything, actyally.))) No, I mean, she's actually everything. “Everything” She doesn't know she's in control of it. Wait, I can control it? Watch. Don't watch. Just listen. It's not how i hear it, it's how I feel it. Did you run? NIGGA, I DID NOT RUN; I RAN. Oh shit, now she knows she's in control of it. Sick. Yess--but she doesn't believe it, so it's fucking with existence. Shit. This existence? Every existence. How can you tell? I don't even know what I'm about to say before I say it, I think she's writing this... Wait, do you usually know what you're going to say before you're gonna say it--? I don't know, I can't remember anything before this happened--I'm not even sure if we existed, I think we might be in this shit. Wait, like in this--like, we're not even… ...then it just ends, dude. IT JUST ENDED? But it wasn't just purple rain, It was rainbows and--wait So she.. Wait. Two planets passing so closely, the two worlds are forever changed. Well. Now that we know this is possible. Oh shit, that 12th PLanet. He's black? I-- Huh. Wait. Wait. Can I...Remix this…? What the fuck is a “Remix”? The Remixes. AH, FUCK THIS. Wait, did it-- It did, it dropped. He dropped it. FUCK THIS DUDE. OH, FUCK THIS MOTHERFUCKER. THIS MOTHERFUCKER. --BASS BITCH, MOTHERFUCKER!! Is that the lyrics? I don't know, that's just how it goes! ___ How do you know him…? We are...friends. BITCH, I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND-- DAMN! --I AM YOUR SAVIOR, YOU SHOULD BE WORSHIPPING ME-- Oh, shit. That took a turn. -- I do worship you. OH SHIT. THAT TOOK ANOTHER TURN. Are you sure it was CTHULU? (Nods.) Okay then, lets get this bitch. __ Skrillex and Dillon Francis make a Deal with The Ex. OH SHIT-- IS THAT WHY SHE-- YAH. UNH. YAS. So these planets pass so closely, that their atmosphere's collide, and--not only do they-- --THE PLANETS-- --actually manage to acknowledge eachother as it's happening, it actually alters their axis-- --yeah-- --and changes their orbital paths... Yes. WHAT? Okay. So. Look. There's two planets. Two planets, yeah. Different Galaxies. Well yeah, that--that would depend, wouldn't it. Dependent by which...definition... ? I mean; what is even a Galaxy-- I mean, scientifically? No, infinitely? Excuse me? I mean--what is a “galaxy” if existence is infinite. It's--what? If Everything is Everything; then whatever a galaxy is, by definition--what our actual perception of this reality is exactly just that Whatever I was about to type was definitely better sou The Legend of SupaCree follows an involuntary “hero” on her adventures, after her powers become unlocked; Now, she must join forces with the other DJ's to Save The Rave. _____ SupaCree refuses to tell anybody anything. (After Pre-edc scene) oh dude, that's a lot. It is a lot. She still hasn't told her mom you're “Skrillex” Ugh, no. And she makes me shop at K-Mart every time we go over there. You got that at K-Mart? It's nice. Yeah. Where did you find a K-Mart? ______ Where is “Earff”? _____ Bampheramph training is considered complete once the trainee “stops crying”, thus begins the official recruitment process, which includes but is not limited to reaching various ‘extremes', which differ by context. ____ Every red cup is just Another broken heart, Another broken dream, Another broken record, Playing on repeat … … … Wheres my Skrillex? Which-- So, Skrillex… You can call me Sonny. ...Skrillex... O...kay… [She squints suspiciously at him and jots something down in her notebook.] ____ So, do you use Serato, or Rekordbox? Neither I just [Demonstrates] What the fuck does that even mean. It means you can [Demonstrates] ____1 How is he doing this? Magic. I'm not going to fight for him. Do you honestly think this is happening to anybody else? Maybe. Honestly? Infinite. Infinite Skrill-- Infinite fucking everything. I'm not about to try to explain it. So what are you going to do? I don't know. The worlds gone mad she is, but she's not a man. She's trapped in a casket Can't listen to the map And can't imagine he'll ever come back Jag parked, smogs bad and she has a plan But can't get past the magnet Magic has its way of making things go crazy Why don't you just--& Oh what? Have my people call his people? Something like that His peopl I had a dream About a tent About a temporary tenant This christmas, its Resentment, Tension And whatever this is… Oh yes, "This is Skrillex…" wayward Hey. Hey. So, uh. So. What's wrong with you? ....what? What's wrong. Whats...wrong? --With you. SupaCree summons Skrillex. Skrillex. Stop it. Fuck you. Skrillex. Seriously, stop You stop. Skrillex-Skrillex-Skriooex o Oh no Just stop. In the parallel where… SŪpAcree has become a disasterously egotistic and diva-like superstar, we see she is in this world, outwardly bitter, rather angry and dispondant, having learned to capitalize best not being herself. A young intern helps to prepare an event; His trainer, an astute and rigid stage manager, after finishing a series of detailed questions about the theatrical performance and it's various attendees-+ leaves the intern alone for "just a minute" handing them her clipboard as she hurriedly rushes elsewhere. The intern scans the clipboard, flipping the front page over to reveal a hidden note. Taking the initiative (trying to be assertive in the newly appointed position), asks nervously... ...And what about Skrillex? Who? Skrillex. Who the fuck is that? Its...Skrillex. Tell me who that is. Uh… Go ahead. The intern stands, frightened at her anger. The stage manager returns. _______________ I hate this shit, it isn't fair. It isnt Wheres my phone? __ Woah. You did all this for Skrillex. Pretty much. Yeah. I guess. Yep. Wow. Okay. You would. (I did) Burn it. What? Fuck that! Ughhhhh. No. Sonny/fictional skrillex: Do you know why ai put you in this fucked up dimension? Me: WHAT? YOU DID THIS? NO--WHY--?? Sonny: So you could get your shit together. Me: well, that's fucked up. S/FS: I DID NOT think it would take this long Me: well, how long is it supposed to take? S/FS: I don't know… Me: ...well, how long does it usually take? S/FS: So wait; You guys from the future-- Fathomable future. Uh-huh Have seen the show? Yes. My show. Mm-hmm. / Well then, how does it start? ----------------------------- I already told you, no. Yes. I'm not going to Skrillex. You have to go. No. What the fuck is NO. I'm not going. WHAT? What. You have to go. Who says? We do. Okay. Okay. [beat] Who the fuck are you? OOH, ARE WE STILL BLEEPING OUT THE SKRILLEX? Yes. Sonny Sonny Sonny Sonny Sonny Sonny Sonny You so Funny Funny Funny Funny Funny Funny Funny Do you Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me I'm so Ugly Ugly Ugly Ugly Ugly Ugly Ugly And I'm nothing Without you Was this a song? Probably. Looks like a song. Seems like a song to me. Nobody should ever hear this. Define…”nobody” The Song has become a number 1 hit radio sensation. What the fuck is my life. What the fuck is your life. I don't know what the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuuuuuuck . Speak of the devil— (Terrified) what? Dillon Francis is here? What? No—it's just Skrillex, he's just...here to collect. What?! What, dude—Skrillex is your plug? Uhhh. For what? Where else am I gonna get premium space bass? Aaahh Gasp I knew it! I knew something about you was really Skrilly. Hella Skrilly. *doorbell rings* Ok, no Skrilly in front of the— He is magically just, suddenly inside. In front of the what? The two stand starry eyed in amazement. ...hey… X2: hey… Should we step outside? Oh, come in— —I did. I see that. (Lol )Right in He did that. He always does. This...transaction is private. It's fine. You guys are alright—maybe—breathe a little— —large gasp, has not been breathing since Skrillex...what did he even do. He like, apparated No—apps—no. There's no fire. He didnt apostate. Alright then, teleport. That silently? Yeah, I mean teleportals also are like: —actual teleportal, which is a huge, very not quiet, black hole like vacuum with lots of colors, lots of light— Oh. Well, how did he get in, then? He shifted. “What the fuck is Shiffted!?” The SupaCree and The Skrillex share these commonalities: *S13 (13th power ) —- Dude! I got the key! You got the key, yeah, it's one of these. A bunch of keys in a wheelbarrow. Dude. What. The fuck. I don't know! I just know, she told me the key was on the key ring WHAT keyring dyde?! This is just a wheelbarrow full of KE*T! (He produces a heavy chain which appears to (not really) link the kets together We...keychain. —Meanwhile, God deletes all the Florida Keys—except for one— I will not “go” to the “Skrillex Reddit” Go to that place. No way. We are going to the internet for ONE thing—and one thing only. We are gonna skate to one song, and one song only. BALL SO HARD MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA— No. One thing. Yes, I thought it was Skrillex. We never go online for Skrillex. Okay. Not even shopping. Alright, let's go. You don't even know what we're going for I hope he hears this She says I hope he makes it And by she, I mean me And I've been peayint for a way to try to say this stuff Spit it out Turn it up— Woah...okay! Okay what? What are you gonna do with all this Skrillex? Uh… …? …Just throw it out. Throw it out!? Yep. Why would you do that? *Shrugs* Don't need it. Don't need it!? Yeah, I just said that. Are you serious? Yes. Throw it out. No way. If you're gonna do that…I'll take it! You want it? W--Fuck yeah! For what? I don't know. I'll think of something. Okay. Yeah? Yeah...whatever. Yes! ...okay….Just--come help me lift this. “The Great Big Book of Skrillex” This...is just an Encyclopedia. ...you bought encyclopedias? I needed them for my library. ...you have a library? It isn't finished yet. It isn't...finished…? Not yet. They're installing the elevator. There's an elevator? Of course there's an elevator; it just doesn't get to the library. I meant— Come on. What did you do to my house ? Well, after I put the fire out— What fire? The main one. —there were, of course, several smaller fires— What The Hell? And now there's just that one. A fireplace? When did I get a fireplace? Well, I needed an easier way to get in and out. —where does it go? Out the chimney. —wait, did you just say “in and out”? That sounds good. I wish they had a vegetarian menu. French Fries? Uh huh. Is that it? I think so. GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR SAUCE. Ohhh, get ketchup. Sorry, we're out of ketchup. Out of ketchup? Yes. Okay, can I just have special sauce then? We are out of sauce. What. Every sauce? All The Sauce. GODDAMMIT DILLON FRANCIS. I hope this isn't like the Skrillex thing. We're still under the limit. Kick it. —-ugggghh, there are homelesses here!! —homelesseses are not always bad people Homeless—AGHHHBLLAAARRRGHHH— —-...okay, so they're not all sane, either but, neither am I. Homeless—RAAAAAAHHHH LALA—Aaahhhh NANA—*supa drunk* BLEEAAAHHHHHH DADA- Shhhhh—DADADADA - (Each character and each ensemble joins until all together they are are a crazy chorus in the ensemble in madness together) 1. Turn off the lights 17 minute dance number 2. Magic is real 20 minute dance number 3. LALa Land -La-Bay-Bay -Hollywoodland -HIII by the beach -Tent City Madness (homelessess) -The Bus Song -¡Panic @ The Disco! (Robbed) -Traiiin -ShutTheFuckUp -It's you! (Bless you.) -LALA Land (tune it out) 33 minutes ACT I— a young entrepreneur loses herself in the world of the bustling entertainment industry through entering the worlds within, and navigating the outterworld, while battling the worldly demons of darkness, as she fights for her life to break a curse set upon her by a devil with whom she will not name, but will haunt her—she must manage and master her inner magic to break this curse—and it is only when she learns that the curse may only be broken, if unspoken words are made spoken I just ate my skateboard That's okay I ain't bored— That's ok I ain't organized I came supplied: Some dude replied “I have the answer—come to me, you tiny dancer.” ‘Yessir' I replied with laughter Smile bright cause I'm an actor “Faster-faster-faster-faster!! I ” Shhhhhhhhhhh—SHADDUP. LALA- oh, hey you—! DADA- I thought we were suppressing her LUST-*sluttily* GAD- *quite so*>> We *are* LALA- *guiltily* —it's just... DADA- NO. No ‘it's just'— NANA- *drunkenly* yeahhh, keep it together, kassandra LALA & DADA- Shut the fuck up, hoe! [NANA shrugs and nothings away] LALA & DADA make a face at each other— - God, What the fuck is wrong with her, anyway? NANA coughs loudly, backstage. GAD- It's a curse. DOC- we don't believe in Magic. LALA- I don't believe in you, bitch! HOLLYWOOD (ensemble)- BITCH—WE DONT BELIEVE IN YOU, EITHER. The Three: Hot *daaamnn* Mr Poopy Butthole- hot daaaaamn...! (yeah, there's cameos) CAST: Mr. Poopy Butthole?!?! Mr. Poopy Butthole: Uhhh—yeaaah, I just got here I uhhhh, I got big plans—big dreams, you know, I just—I'm gonna be a staaaar!! CAST: Laughs—the laughter trails off into different forms—awkward, daunting, sarcastic—then, only the spirits and LALA—suddenly, it is dark, and she is laughing all alone. Her laughter turns into a sorrowful pout, looking about quite lost. She shudders. Lala- Fuuuuuuuck. And I could get a place out in Hollywood land— But I'd rather be close to the surf and the sand— Cause that's how I planned it This is my planet (This is OUR planet) Oh yeah, my bad—this is weird, having f all of us here ‘You should put on your ears, dear' Hustle, hustle, hustle That's how you get muscle And it just is what it is Bitch you know this is a business And you know that's how you get this Make your check, earn respect build up your interest Bank? No thanks. Cause bro you know that shit stanks— You studied all your mistakes— Keep money, make money tell yourself thanks (Thanks) You'll probably thank your self later (Twice?) That's when you start making paper (Thanks) And yeah you know you got haters (Who?) Yeah bitch you know he's a hater— (Boo) Who? Yo bitch—I told you no crying!! (Woah) (They go in the round, the 3) “Yes, ohhh my GAD” ( But I'm not Spent my deposit on a house that's rotting—vultures spotting me— Ex husband haunting me PTSD. Take it with me everywhere I go, It follows me, Swallows me up like the coffee cup I left and needed this morning. Oh, Elohim. Lala Land: a musical revue m Escaping your past is not always easy—Master Your Magic. Featuring music by: Skrillex (Vs)
Why did you do this? I didn't do this! You did this! I didn't do this! Why would I do this? How could you! I didn't! What the fuck is HE doing here? What the fuck. You need to stop this. I can't stop. What did you DO. Exactly what I had to. Shasta! Who the fuck is that? That's that bitch. I told you it was Shasta. Who the fuck is Shasta. What show is this? Where is Skrillex? FUCK SKR— Wait, what show is this? INT. THE VOID. DAY & NIGHT. I remember the first time I ever realized, I could love anyone in the world, if they needed me to—or, if they just gave me the chance. Or if I got the chance. Or, if there was a chance. And, if there was a chance, and it was supposed to happen, it always would—especially if I wanted it— But definitely, if I needed it. But, what is is “if”? And, what is “supposed”? What is it to “want”? And what's a “need”? Now I know— or at least pretend to. Because, the more it is I think I know, the actual less I feel that I actually do; None the wiser, I am what I always was— And God is, as I am. INT. TURNER STREET—FAIRBANKS, ALASKA. DAY. Have you heard of Dillon Francis? I mean, I've heard of him… He's hilarious. I feel like me and him would get along. I doubt that. Look at this. No, thank you. Just watch it. Video: Need You, NGTMRE and Dillon Francis Dillon Francis: “so much trim , dude—shes overage, I think.” —You're probably right. Just watch it. Nah, I'm good. INT. GOOD CANNABIS—FAIRBANKS, ALASKA. DAY —- The DJ—slash—actor somehow became a muse for me after so tragically being entangled in a less-than-comfortable premonition turned fairytale fantasy via tragedy and trauma from the fallout of finding my formerly favorite founding father of modern dance music to have fallen from grace —Or into it— EXT. A DITCH SOMEWHERE. TWILIGHT A drunken DJ is discarded. —only to amazingly recoup and recover, seemingly like magic— Which by the way, is real. A comeback nobody saw coming— And still doesn't see, at least—as of yet. I remember the first time I levitated as an adult; two years later to that very day, I found myself uncontrollably laughing, to the opposite affect, so heavy I seemed almost to be bound to the floor; It was the only gift I received for my birthday that year, though albeit unintentionally given ROFLMAO. What in the fuck does that mean? Rolling on the floor, laughing my ass off. OH, THAT CHUCKLEFUCKER. I just laughed so hard, I came. I saw. Come here, kid. OW. Ohhhhhh, I see. what was THAT. Now, you listen, I am listening. No, you're laughing. That was more than a laugh… It was more than a look. DID YOU SEE THAT? WOW. That was orgasmic. Shishane!! I gotta go. Okay. But come here. (They kiss.) See you tomorrow. Yeah. Okay Hey, I'm home: SHASTA!!!!! Where WHERE YOU? I had work. Finally having caught up to SupaCree (in Skrillex's body), Sonny (as SupaCree) is flabbergasted at her actions. Dressed super flamboyantly and colorful, "Skrillex" looks ridiculous, touting a Jamba Juice and sipping erroneously SupaCree (S): what the fuck. Skrillex (SC): Yooooo. You're ugly. Mau5: you're one to talk. Skrillex: Psh I am sexy as fuck right now. Wow. SupaCree: Jamba Juice? I don't drink Jamba Juice. Skrillex: you do drink Jamba juice. I mean. I do. This was free. Actually, you know what, a lot of shit is free, when you're rich; it's fucked up. Right. Yeah. Doesn't make a lot of sense. ___________ (Earlier) A super hot fan girl walks up to "Skrillex" Hey stranger. Hey...wow. Yeah wow. This is kinda random, but would you want to… (whispers in ear) Woah. That is random. (Basic bitch giggle) haha yeah. You would do that? Yeah! Because...I'm... Skrillex..? Um, yeah, I guess… Huh. … Well...would you do that if I wasn't Skrillex? ..um...no??? Huh. ___________ (later) Skrillex (SC) Yo! Did you know that people will (whispers in ear) just because you're Skrillex. SupaCree (S): (bashfully) Well, yeah... Skrillex: YO! _______ Switching Back In an attempt to return to normal, Skrillex ends up back in his own body, but has left SupaCree and Dillon Francis now stranded in eachothers' bodies. Skrillex/Sonny: sigh of relief--rolls eyes at outfit, but otherwise satisfied, shrugging. SupaCree (DF) Woah I am...colors…! [Looks over self in awe] Dillon Francis (SC): Awh what, no way! Aaaaghhh! SupaCree (DF) [Looking down] ...these are tits. Dillon Francis (SC) : HEY! Don't touch my tits! [Looks in mirror] FUCK YEAH, I'M DILLON FRANCIS: Stuck in SuPaCree's body, Dillon Francis experiences full fledged synethesia heightened by the circumstances of the switch; an array of colors and vibrations fill the world; he stares, taken aback by Skrillex's "colors", which only he can see [but is clearly phonomenal.] SupaCree: Oh man, this is... [looks at Skrillex] Whuuuut. Skrillex: (creeped) What? SupaCree (DF) [steps away from him, wide eyed] ...this is a lot. Dillon Francis (SC) [checking himself out, approving] Dude I'm hungry. What do you eat? SupaCree: what the fuck do you eat? Sugar Cubes of acid? What the FUCK! Dillon francis: I try to stay away from processed sugar-- SupaCree: what the fuck is this shit? Calm Down, You're just ugly. Are you kidding me? !'m tripping dick right now. Dillon Francis: I'm tripping dick right now-- SupaCree: HEY. Dont touch my dick! No tits, no dick! Dillon Francis: first of all, I'm Dillon Francis, I can do whatever I want; secondly, nobody's touching your dick--ew--it's just attached to me. SupaCree: What is wrong with you?! Dillon Francis: nothing, im--i'm Dillon Francis. SupaCree: WHY is everything wavy--what are these colors? Dillon Francis: it's just---mild synesthesia-- SupaCree: "MILD" (to skrillex) Stay over there. SKrillex: K. Dillon Francis: It ramps up when I get excited. Or anxious. Or hungry. SupaCree: Make it stop. Dillon Francis: I can't. That's why I rave. SupaCree: AGH. Dillon Francis: Just don't get too close to Skrillex. Both: Why? Dillon Francis: I don't know, okay? Just...don't. And here, wear these [puts on sunglasses.] There. SupaCree: better...kind of. This is insane. Dillon Francis: just don't play his music… SupaCree: why, what does your music do? [Skrillex is silent. There is an obvious secret Dillon Francis sends a threatening glare towards him, and they nod in agreement not to elaborate] SupaCree: nevermind. Switch me back. Dillon Francis: no way! I'm an even whiter white guy now. I wanna go out! SupaCree: out where? Dillon Francis: I don't know. Somewhere really white. Like. Manhattan beach or--Beverly Center. SupaCree: I don't wanna go out like this! Dillon Francis: you're right, you look ridiculous. [She's still dressed in all black, signature skrillex] _____________ Skrillex, Dillon Francis and SupaCree end up as the finalists in the fight to the death J battle to become “God's” favorite DJ __________ Dillonception -Dillon Francis's Magical Universe immediately follows dillonception, where he uses his newly acquired = magic and works for a variety of characters to save the world, albeit from a DJless post apocalyptic wasteland. _______ Hot fan girl from before: you deleted that picture, right? (Later) Dillon Francis (as supa Cree) is wearing a shirt with a picture of the fangirl and skrillex [insert goofy picture here] a reference to Getter, though the act is innocent rather than sexual, as the prior scenes indicate. The Voices Parodyish Dilon is the only person who sees Gerald and his friends/ family as “just a pinata”, however, Gerald, appears as, in fact, a real person to everyone else, who believes Dillon to just be joking, or even ‘a real asshole' However, it is later revealed that as such, Dilon “suffers” from a condition similar to that which the main character of The Voices also struggle Dillon Francis is officially too hot for Supacree (Sunni Blu, alternately) as they are often booked to work together, Supacree becomes clumsily awry of Dillon Francis, hanzel, and RAF respectively. Don't do this. I'm about to. Just fucking stop! I won't stop. You're being ridiculous. Yes, I am. What—Dillon Francis?! What—Kayla Lauren—? It's a thing. It's a cult. Well, fuck this. I want it. So, get it. I got it. He played you. Okay, then— Listen to me—? I am listening… You are NOT— Let me guess— “NOT HIS TYPE” —yeah, I know. So, what's up! Well, he's hot— That's so gross— I'm an adult— He's a DJ— —a record producer— An Oscar nominated actor— What?! —and Grammy nominated. Wait, excuse me. Same year, too. Different project, though. How'd this happen? “This can't happen” Oh, my God! That never happened. What never happened? Okay. Exactly. What about So— WHO? Sorry. Right, exactly. Hey, how's Kayla? Who is “Kayla”? Well, this hurts. Just use it. He won't stay. Don't need it— —that's the way// I want it. So. Satan. ...hm? Can you handle this? This one's easy. He looks simple. But he's not. Dillon Francis is one of the most powerful Gods of creation in existence. What about Skrillex? There's no Skrillex. What about Sonny? S/He killed him. Oh. Who's this? This is Esmerelda. What's...she doing? Everything I won't. Woah. I'll be back. What is this? I remember this—he married her, and I suffered. Who, Kayla Lauren?! “She's so basic—“ So is Sonny. OoooOoooOooo000hhhh— —shots fired. “ The Simple Skrillex” That's this one. Fuck this nigga —fuck this nigga— And his posse. So, what's Dillon want? Nothing to do with me— Oh— Who are you? Who did you ask for? ...Jesus fucking Christ. What, Dillon Francis? ...are you busy? Jesus Christ and Dillon Francis finally have a face to face. “An Extended Vacation” Oh, my God. Don't say that. Fuck Dillon Francis. ...why does Dillon Francis have my dragon? Does she know I have her dragon WHY DOES DILLON FRANCIS— Is she mad? HABE MY DRAGON? Mm. Is she coming? You know what—?! — I should mention Wigga Skrillex, before I for get again Man, fuck SKRILLEC! Can't. He's “taken” Oh, is he? Plus, Dillon Francis has my—wait—. How did Dillon Francis get my dragon? Hoe did you get my dragon? You keep me jet Blue I can't forget you, But I can forgive you for getting me Used to this, Uselessness I'm just another useless piece of— Dillon Francis, send this shit to Skrillex, And just kill me— Or let's burn it, Just forget it; Didn't write it Need a girlfriend? That can never happen I don't want it, I just fantasized about it once, Or maybe twice I'm in my mind, I'll find you by the time I die, Right? Right? Dillon Francis's kick drum. In the reality where () becomes a college professor, she is interrupted by surprise and stunned, when Skrillex himself appears during a lecture deconstructing his music. After being banished into a reality where Dillon Francis is a level-one DJ in present times, he furiously attempts to escape through multiple failed attempts. He has also lost his ability and masterful magic of music, and experiences the struggle of obscurity and insignificance in the oversaturated and unfair present music scene. Just as he crosses paths with the alternate reality in which he has fallen into an eternity long Dark Void, which spirals towards Hell in a Terrifying Twilight-Zone like wormhole of sorts, where one's deepest transgressions, fears, and doubts are projected through infinite dimensions, often resulting in “The Illusion of Death”, or rather, depending on the construct of the respective reality, the “nearest-to-Death” experience you can possibly have. As the Dillon Francis in the Dark Void gets nearer to Hell, The Dillon Francis in “Dillon Francis Has No Fans Land” (located amongst the Universal Network of alternate parallels U has been been banishing ‘Hollywood People' into, scattering them into realities where they either haven't-yet or never-will make it to superstardom/celebrity status. *Note* This Universe has the highest concentration of SS as an actual person, as it is revealed to be hidden nestled and hidden in a deep subliminal realm of her own subconscious, which creates a protected vortex “off map”, a hidden Universe with its own complexities, Laws of Science, and Concept of Time; A Nearly Inescapable Consciously constructed set on its own independent, multidimensional grid--which only () herself can travel throughout. U kidnapping celebrities by Assassinating them through the “illusion of death” ( sometimes as the Colorful Crypt Keeper, depending on the reality) In our present reality (IRL) The Celebrities have either retired, disappeared into isolation “A Syd Barret”, or more dramatically, have actually died. Once removed from the current reality, the stars wake up in a new reality, where they are no longer wealthy, popular, famous or successful; While some entertainers happily (heaven) adjust to normalcy, finding happiness and bliss in simplicity, most are cascaded into an unraveling downward spiral, deteriorating their mental health as they experience life without privilege or status. “If Your Name Is________________, You're In My Movie” Once collected, they are then sent “One Deeper” into this skewed universe, again by Death, which happens in exact synchronicity of their first death, resetting time; they “What is this, Bad DJ Land?” “Yeah, I mean I call it, Dillon Francis Has No Fans Land, but. Yeah.” (mimicking her) “Yeah.” Venice Ventures (A Collection of Short FIlms, a Spinoff of the Scary Monsters Series, a Tie Into Secret Life of Sunni Blu/Much Ado About Sunni Blu, The Legend of SupaCree -Venice Ventures (Pilot/Venice Mini Burning Man) -Day Of The Dead -Who Killed Matt Maeson -Magic Is Real -Magic Israel -Magic Isn't Real -LSDream (Pt I.Vegas) -LSDream (Pt. II) -Brillz (Sammi The Bampheramph, circa 2013) -Au[DIO]tistic SupaCree meets two new “friends” at a small festival; However, she soon finds that she's on her own, after feeling “third wheeled” and deciding to roam closer to her home (front and center) on the dance floor. During a drop, she breaks into her signature improvisational “dance trance”, drawing a crowd of impressed and fascinated ravers, becoming quite instantly popular; It's almost, even, as if she has fans--as people excitedly ask to trade kandi and share dances. Then, as Getter begins his set--a circle of people have formed around her, groups of tribes, squads, and kandi kids, magnetically drawn to the The Vibe (I Am The Vibe) and spirit energy that the music awakens within her; The Spirits have called her home to journey into the spirit world, sending “Angels”, or “Light Spirits” tasked to assure that she completes this passage into the spirit world--aligning the present, with the future and past; Alternately, in the Dark Underworld, Demons, or “Dark Spirits/Lost Souls” to work against the light, as an effort to consume her, reawakening The Ego. The Ascended Masters, as an order to bestow Stories of Origin, ancient wisdom, and awaken the God Consciousness, allowing for ascension and Projection within the Interdimensions--must release the seal which holds the oldest known [or unknown soul], so that the “Light Magic” can be passed back to the living descendants of the ancestors amast to be Ascended Masters. To Blissfully yet truly unaware of her own light--either deeply within, or shining throughout, people dancing near her are givingly sharing “conscious gifts” forming a smoke circle within what seems to be an almost gravitational pull. She smokes cooly within the circle, enjoying the auras of those around her--who laugh, smile, dance, and greet her with friendly excitement; As she circle closes, she is handed a mysterious cartridge, filled with a liquid which she quickly examines in the dark and smoky crowd of dancers. ...This is weed? The girl neither shakes her head yes, or no--just gazing above the rims of her dark sunglasses. She takes three hits, and passes it back to the masked stranger, who disappears into the dancefloor. Thanks! (but she is already gone) The energy shifts around her, as her ravey extroversion quickly fades into an introverted and inward, calm and thoughtful state. She contently observes, as usual, checking back to see the the couple she came with, as they wave happily at her. She moves more closely to them, gesturing to meet her closer to the front of the dance floor. She looks up at the performance stage; the visuals, the lights, the many working parts of a high-production value theatrical production. The stage is set so that she has to look more upward at the DJ, who she stares at, drifting into what seems to be a daydream. Its time for Meditation. Meditate. Now? Ground Yourself. Are you serious? I just got here! Sit. As the bass drops, The world around her shifts, into a colorful array of light colliding with sound; Enter, World of Floor. (A flashback, to past raves) I always knew this world existed, but never had I imagined the things I hadn't seen, around and between all the things I had as I was flying overhead, passing by admiring all the life...and all the lights... (A montage of the World of Floor) (The Cosmic Owl's Flight) In a beautiful starlit meadow, on some distant parallel or humanoid existence, a group of boys are camping, being boys. One boy, a pale and slender boy with gentle eyes under pink-framed wide lens glasses, gazes up at the sparkling night sky toting his gun upwardly, looking through the scope. A bright shooting star appears, bedazzling him as he looks, rubbing his eye. What are you aiming at? It's darktime, I doubt you'll find anything to shoot. The boy shrugs, Suit yourself. The other boy heads back toward the fire, where at a distance one of the other boys asks “what is he doing?” I don't know, psh. Haha--maybe he's shooting stars. Shut up! They continue on. He scoffs and rolls his eyes, head pointed up as he watches the sky, inwardly wishing for another shooting star, then suddenly--a light, as something large and white flies over the campsite, leaving behind a gust of wind and sparkling light of stardust, dissipating as the boys all point their heads at the sky, wide eyed. WOAH! Did you see that? What do you mean did I see that? I'm sitting right by you! It went right over your head! Like, right by! They search the sky, as the stars seem to twinkle with a brighter blue-white light; The Giant White Owl once more flies by. What the-- Don't just stand there! What IS that thing? I don't know! Shoot it. The boy panics, aiming for the bird. He fires a shot, missing her, then another. Shoot it! From a birds eye view, the boys seem small in the vast meadow, nestled in a beautiful valley on a gigantic “alien” planet, with colorful auroras dancing in the atmosphere. The owl glows with the neon light, with giant wise eyes, whose light reflects the tale of all time. Hearing the two shots, but unfamiliar with the sound, she glides into a curve diving downward over the mountainside, towards the boy with the glasses, in her eye surrounded by an aura of golden light; she tilts her head as the shine in her giant eye sparkles with a loving light; As she admires the light, she cries as the sound of the gunfire aligns with a bullet, spinning her graceful flight into a flash of light, leaving behind a twisting trail of cosmic light and stardust. [*Director's Note:Though she appears only as a Giant White Owl (though with a glowing bright white light, only the boy in the glasses sees (with the naked eye) the neon spectrum of light emitted by The Cosmic Owl, eventually a full Prisim..] He jumps, as his eyes widen with shock and worry, in awe of the spiral of light and a shuttered surprise. You got it! Thank God, I would have called this whole thing off. What was that? At least he got it. Taking his gun off and dropping it, he walks still in awe towards the mountain, in an almost hynotized and quiet stride. ...Hey, where are you going? ...I'm gonna go find it. Go FIND IT? Why!? Just because it's not flying, doesn't mean it's not still alive! That thing was giant! Like three times your size! Ten Times! Unresponsive, and guided by the light, though fading, which has left a spiraled trail against the dark and starry sky. A giant moon rises over the mountain, as she runs into the forested hillside, ascending towards the spiraled light. Go after him. I'm not going after him. Someone go get him. YOU go get him. Pftt. Fuck that. They all stare blankly at eachother in an awkward silence. ...Mom's gonna kill us. -Countdown Shunned by h They know I am Good. Well. How? Who? They. Who this they? Anyone that matters. How--how? Insomniac. Right. EDC. right. The music. Well, it can't always end in martyrdom It always has Stay humble. All are one Whose world is this, anyway? Apparently, ours. Sonny's somewhere Sonny's always somewhere except, wherever I am. Not true. Oh, God. Hm…? What? I just want peace Want, or need? Need. Fair. I need PLUR Al of it? I'd gladly trade my life to rave again You were promised an eternal cebration in paradice Where's paradice Stay on the path San Diego would be on the path. It is. A town called paradice Oh, Tiesto. His wife is 23. Gross. Is it? Is it love? For now. Have faith. I am faith. Be kind. I am kindness. I said, stay humble. Kendrick. And? AND. The remix is always better. Only when it's. . I am Skrillex. As if. what is "if". Go make music. Music made me. I am music. I need tome. Who, what, and when, are driving in a car together… The coffee rub (run*) There's significance in that video there's significance in Dillon Francis Even Deadmau5? Who? On God. ...what? ...oh great, now I gotta figure out which biblical character represents Dillon Francis? It's not Jesus. We know Jesus. (Everyone knows Jesus) It is Jesus. Everything is everything. That's a step. No white saviors! ...go somewhere else. Be a color! … ___ There's a lady in my kitchen, cooking me breakfast. I cooked breakfast. ...is it...poisoned? No, it's breakfast. … … It is hot. Who are you? *censored vigorously* … Apparently, I'm Skrillex. What the fuck. What the fuck. I gotta go. through the other end of the telephone, a DJ, having overheard the conversation pipes in loudly, with peeping curiosity. Is that Skrillex? Call you back. Supacree continues cooking comfortably. Is he there? Another DJ runs towards the phone, having overheard—in the background, we see a news program playing, the headline reads WHERE IS SKRILLEX, the latter obscured. Is he there?! Sounds like him. Yo! It does! Where is Skrillex!? I gotta go. He hangs up the phone. … Dillon suspiciously pushes back his plate. SUPACREE Let me guess. DILLON FRANCIS HEY GOOGLE, call SUPACREE I am Google. DILLON FRANCIS Apparently, You're Skrillex. SUPACREE Apparently, I am. (I AM.) What was that? ...what was that? SUPACREE That was Ï. [beat.] [Very awkward silence] ...I need a… Eat your breakfast. Who are you? Listen, Dillon Francis. Who is that? That's—your name. No, I'm not… … …who are you? Alright, just— look. “NOT DILLON FRANCIS” She forfeits. She forfeits? This tournament is intense. How do you even remember this story? I just remember it...it sticks. ASCENSION. Who wrote this? Who, indeed. Explain that. I can't explain that. You made it, you have to explain it. I didn't make it. Yes, you did. I didn't make this. I will bring her here. How? Jeff: Don't ask me “how”, just watch. (Jeff?) What? I don't know how to spell “Excision” ((But I do.)) That's not a fucking FLEX, it's a SKRILLEX. It is what it is! IT IS WHAT IT IS AND I KNOW A SKRILLEX WHEN I SEE A SKRILLEX ITS A SKRILLEX. *GASP* THE HEX. (Oh shit, what Hex) ((The SKRILL-HEX)) (((AHA.)) Apparently. Watch this. [Ext. Basspod (Underground)] Wait, she's leaving. Where is she going? I don't know. Just-- I can't keep track! She was just-- --RIGHT THERE-- Wait, what was that? What was that? Over there? Over...where? It's….it's that way. That way what? Lets go. GETTER doesn't know what he did. JEFF knows exactly what he did and isn't saying shit. EXCISION knows where you can get it, but not unless you pay. SKRILLEXCISION is the world's hottest super-duo, (who is in reality, just one person.) ((and doesn't exist)) (((at least, in this dimension.))) SUPACREE, is probably -she dead -she's an alien -she has superpowers That's just a Skrillex. I don't think its-- Just leave it. IT'S A BIRD. IT”S A PLANE. IT”S SUPACREE SUPACREE, WHO THE FUCK IS “SUPACREE”? SUPACREE is a SUPERSTAR DJ. (who is actually several different people) ((who are actually just one being)) (((infinite)) SKRILLEX is … … …. … Explain that. I can't explain that, I didn't make that. Oh, you made it. I--okay, wait--no. I am NOT taking responsibility for this-- (She is responsible for this) ((and infinite other things)) (((everything, actyally.))) No, I mean, she's actually everything. “Everything” She doesn't know she's in control of it. Wait, I can control it? Watch. Don't watch. Just listen. It's not how i hear it, it's how I feel it. Did you run? NIGGA, I DID NOT RUN; I RAN. Oh shit, now she knows she's in control of it. Sick. Yess--but she doesn't believe it, so it's fucking with existence. Shit. This existence? Every existence. How can you tell? I don't even know what I'm about to say before I say it, I think she's writing this... Wait, do you usually know what you're going to say before you're gonna say it--? I don't know, I can't remember anything before this happened--I'm not even sure if we existed, I think we might be in this shit. Wait, like in this--like, we're not even… ...then it just ends, dude. IT JUST ENDED? But it wasn't just purple rain, It was rainbows and--wait So she.. Wait. Two planets passing so closely, the two worlds are forever changed. Well. Now that we know this is possible. Oh shit, that 12th PLanet. He's black? I-- Huh. Wait. Wait. Can I...Remix this…? What the fuck is a “Remix”? The Remixes. AH, FUCK THIS. Wait, did it-- It did, it dropped. He dropped it. FUCK THIS DUDE. OH, FUCK THIS MOTHERFUCKER. THIS MOTHERFUCKER. --BASS BITCH, MOTHERFUCKER!! Is that the lyrics? I don't know, that's just how it goes! ___ How do you know him…? We are...friends. BITCH, I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND-- DAMN! --I AM YOUR SAVIOR, YOU SHOULD BE WORSHIPPING ME-- Oh, shit. That took a turn. -- I do worship you. OH SHIT. THAT TOOK ANOTHER TURN. Are you sure it was CTHULU? (Nods.) Okay then, lets get this bitch. __ Skrillex and Dillon Francis make a Deal with The Ex. OH SHIT-- IS THAT WHY SHE-- YAH. UNH. YAS. So these planets pass so closely, that their atmosphere's collide, and--not only do they-- --THE PLANETS-- --actually manage to acknowledge eachother as it's happening, it actually alters their axis-- --yeah-- --and changes their orbital paths... Yes. WHAT? Okay. So. Look. There's two planets. Two planets, yeah. Different Galaxies. Well yeah, that--that would depend, wouldn't it. Dependent by which...definition... ? I mean; what is even a Galaxy-- I mean, scientifically? No, infinitely? Excuse me? I mean--what is a “galaxy” if existence is infinite. It's--what? If Everything is Everything; then whatever a galaxy is, by definition--what our actual perception of this reality is exactly just that Whatever I was about to type was definitely better sou The Legend of SupaCree follows an involuntary “hero” on her adventures, after her powers become unlocked; Now, she must join forces with the other DJ's to Save The Rave. _____ SupaCree refuses to tell anybody anything. (After Pre-edc scene) oh dude, that's a lot. It is a lot. She still hasn't told her mom you're “Skrillex” Ugh, no. And she makes me shop at K-Mart every time we go over there. You got that at K-Mart? It's nice. Yeah. Where did you find a K-Mart? ______ Where is “Earff”? _____ Bampheramph training is considered complete once the trainee “stops crying”, thus begins the official recruitment process, which includes but is not limited to reaching various ‘extremes', which differ by context. ____ Every red cup is just Another broken heart, Another broken dream, Another broken record, Playing on repeat … … … Wheres my Skrillex? Which-- So, Skrillex… You can call me Sonny. ...Skrillex... O...kay… [She squints suspiciously at him and jots something down in her notebook.] ____ So, do you use Serato, or Rekordbox? Neither I just [Demonstrates] What the fuck does that even mean. It means you can [Demonstrates] ____1 How is he doing this? Magic. I'm not going to fight for him. Do you honestly think this is happening to anybody else? Maybe. Honestly? Infinite. Infinite Skrill-- Infinite fucking everything. I'm not about to try to explain it. So what are you going to do? I don't know. The worlds gone mad she is, but she's not a man. She's trapped in a casket Can't listen to the map And can't imagine he'll ever come back Jag parked, smogs bad and she has a plan But can't get past the magnet Magic has its way of making things go crazy Why don't you just--& Oh what? Have my people call his people? Something like that His peopl I had a dream About a tent About a temporary tenant This christmas, its Resentment, Tension And whatever this is… Oh yes, "This is Skrillex…" wayward Hey. Hey. So, uh. So. What's wrong with you? ....what? What's wrong. Whats...wrong? --With you. SupaCree summons Skrillex. Skrillex. Stop it. Fuck you. Skrillex. Seriously, stop You stop. Skrillex-Skrillex-Skriooex o Oh no Just stop. In the parallel where… SŪpAcree has become a disasterously egotistic and diva-like superstar, we see she is in this world, outwardly bitter, rather angry and dispondant, having learned to capitalize best not being herself. A young intern helps to prepare an event; His trainer, an astute and rigid stage manager, after finishing a series of detailed questions about the theatrical performance and it's various attendees-+ leaves the intern alone for "just a minute" handing them her clipboard as she hurriedly rushes elsewhere. The intern scans the clipboard, flipping the front page over to reveal a hidden note. Taking the initiative (trying to be assertive in the newly appointed position), asks nervously... ...And what about Skrillex? Who? Skrillex. Who the fuck is that? Its...Skrillex. Tell me who that is. Uh… Go ahead. The intern stands, frightened at her anger. The stage manager returns. _______________ I hate this shit, it isn't fair. It isnt Wheres my phone? __ Woah. You did all this for Skrillex. Pretty much. Yeah. I guess. Yep. Wow. Okay. You would. (I did) Burn it. What? Fuck that! Ughhhhh. No. Sonny/fictional skrillex: Do you know why ai put you in this fucked up dimension? Me: WHAT? YOU DID THIS? NO--WHY--?? Sonny: So you could get your shit together. Me: well, that's fucked up. S/FS: I DID NOT think it would take this long Me: well, how long is it supposed to take? S/FS: I don't know… Me: ...well, how long does it usually take? S/FS: So wait; You guys from the future-- Fathomable future. Uh-huh Have seen the show? Yes. My show. Mm-hmm. / Well then, how does it start? ----------------------------- I already told you, no. Yes. I'm not going to Skrillex. You have to go. No. What the fuck is NO. I'm not going. WHAT? What. You have to go. Who says? We do. Okay. Okay. [beat] Who the fuck are you? OOH, ARE WE STILL BLEEPING OUT THE SKRILLEX? Yes. Sonny Sonny Sonny Sonny Sonny Sonny Sonny You so Funny Funny Funny Funny Funny Funny Funny Do you Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me I'm so Ugly Ugly Ugly Ugly Ugly Ugly Ugly And I'm nothing Without you Was this a song? Probably. Looks like a song. Seems like a song to me. Nobody should ever hear this. Define…”nobody” The Song has become a number 1 hit radio sensation. What the fuck is my life. What the fuck is your life. I don't know what the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuuuuuuck . Speak of the devil— (Terrified) what? Dillon Francis is here? What? No—it's just Skrillex, he's just...here to collect. What?! What, dude—Skrillex is your plug? Uhhh. For what? Where else am I gonna get premium space bass? Aaahh Gasp I knew it! I knew something about you was really Skrilly. Hella Skrilly. *doorbell rings* Ok, no Skrilly in front of the— He is magically just, suddenly inside. In front of the what? The two stand starry eyed in amazement. ...hey… X2: hey… Should we step outside? Oh, come in— —I did. I see that. (Lol )Right in He did that. He always does. This...transaction is private. It's fine. You guys are alright—maybe—breathe a little— —large gasp, has not been breathing since Skrillex...what did he even do. He like, apparated No—apps—no. There's no fire. He didnt apostate. Alright then, teleport. That silently? Yeah, I mean teleportals also are like: —actual teleportal, which is a huge, very not quiet, black hole like vacuum with lots of colors, lots of light— Oh. Well, how did he get in, then? He shifted. “What the fuck is Shiffted!?” The SupaCree and The Skrillex share these commonalities: *S13 (13th power ) —- Dude! I got the key! You got the key, yeah, it's one of these. A bunch of keys in a wheelbarrow. Dude. What. The fuck. I don't know! I just know, she told me the key was on the key ring WHAT keyring dyde?! This is just a wheelbarrow full of KE*T! (He produces a heavy chain which appears to (not really) link the kets together We...keychain. —Meanwhile, God deletes all the Florida Keys—except for one— I will not “go” to the “Skrillex Reddit” Go to that place. No way. We are going to the internet for ONE thing—and one thing only. We are gonna skate to one song, and one song only. BALL SO HARD MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA— No. One thing. Yes, I thought it was Skrillex. We never go online for Skrillex. Okay. Not even shopping. Alright, let's go. You don't even know what we're going for I hope he hears this She says I hope he makes it And by she, I mean me And I've been peayint for a way to try to say this stuff Spit it out Turn it up— Woah...okay! Okay what? What are you gonna do with all this Skrillex? Uh… …? …Just throw it out. Throw it out!? Yep. Why would you do that? *Shrugs* Don't need it. Don't need it!? Yeah, I just said that. Are you serious? Yes. Throw it out. No way. If you're gonna do that…I'll take it! You want it? W--Fuck yeah! For what? I don't know. I'll think of something. Okay. Yeah? Yeah...whatever. Yes! ...okay….Just--come help me lift this. “The Great Big Book of Skrillex” This...is just an Encyclopedia. ...you bought encyclopedias? I needed them for my library. ...you have a library? It isn't finished yet. It isn't...finished…? Not yet. They're installing the elevator. There's an elevator? Of course there's an elevator; it just doesn't get to the library. I meant— Come on. What did you do to my house ? Well, after I put the fire out— What fire? The main one. —there were, of course, several smaller fires— What The Hell? And now there's just that one. A fireplace? When did I get a fireplace? Well, I needed an easier way to get in and out. —where does it go? Out the chimney. —wait, did you just say “in and out”? That sounds good. I wish they had a vegetarian menu. French Fries? Uh huh. Is that it? I think so. GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR SAUCE. Ohhh, get ketchup. Sorry, we're out of ketchup. Out of ketchup? Yes. Okay, can I just have special sauce then? We are out of sauce. What. Every sauce? All The Sauce. GODDAMMIT DILLON FRANCIS. I hope this isn't like the Skrillex thing. We're still under the limit. Kick it. —-ugggghh, there are homelesses here!! —homelesseses are not always bad people Homeless—AGHHHBLLAAARRRGHHH— —-...okay, so they're not all sane, either but, neither am I. Homeless—RAAAAAAHHHH LALA—Aaahhhh NANA—*supa drunk* BLEEAAAHHHHHH DADA- Shhhhh—DADADADA - (Each character and each ensemble joins until all together they are are a crazy chorus in the ensemble in madness together) 1. Turn off the lights 17 minute dance number 2. Magic is real 20 minute dance number 3. LALa Land -La-Bay-Bay -Hollywoodland -HIII by the beach -Tent City Madness (homelessess) -The Bus Song -¡Panic @ The Disco! (Robbed) -Traiiin -ShutTheFuckUp -It's you! (Bless you.) -LALA Land (tune it out) 33 minutes ACT I— a young entrepreneur loses herself in the world of the bustling entertainment industry through entering the worlds within, and navigating the outterworld, while battling the worldly demons of darkness, as she fights for her life to break a curse set upon her by a devil with whom she will not name, but will haunt her—she must manage and master her inner magic to break this curse—and it is only when she learns that the curse may only be broken, if unspoken words are made spoken I just ate my skateboard That's okay I ain't bored— That's ok I ain't organized I came supplied: Some dude replied “I have the answer—come to me, you tiny dancer.” ‘Yessir' I replied with laughter Smile bright cause I'm an actor “Faster-faster-faster-faster!! I ” Shhhhhhhhhhh—SHADDUP. LALA- oh, hey you—! DADA- I thought we were suppressing her LUST-*sluttily* GAD- *quite so*>> We *are* LALA- *guiltily* —it's just... DADA- NO. No ‘it's just'— NANA- *drunkenly* yeahhh, keep it together, kassandra LALA & DADA- Shut the fuck up, hoe! [NANA shrugs and nothings away] LALA & DADA make a face at each other— - God, What the fuck is wrong with her, anyway? NANA coughs loudly, backstage. GAD- It's a curse. DOC- we don't believe in Magic. LALA- I don't believe in you, bitch! HOLLYWOOD (ensemble)- BITCH—WE DONT BELIEVE IN YOU, EITHER. The Three: Hot *daaamnn* Mr Poopy Butthole- hot daaaaamn...! (yeah, there's cameos) CAST: Mr. Poopy Butthole?!?! Mr. Poopy Butthole: Uhhh—yeaaah, I just got here I uhhhh, I got big plans—big dreams, you know, I just—I'm gonna be a staaaar!! CAST: Laughs—the laughter trails off into different forms—awkward, daunting, sarcastic—then, only the spirits and LALA—suddenly, it is dark, and she is laughing all alone. Her laughter turns into a sorrowful pout, looking about quite lost. She shudders. Lala- Fuuuuuuuck. And I could get a place out in Hollywood land— But I'd rather be close to the surf and the sand— Cause that's how I planned it This is my planet (This is OUR planet) Oh yeah, my bad—this is weird, having f all of us here ‘You should put on your ears, dear' Hustle, hustle, hustle That's how you get muscle And it just is what it is Bitch you know this is a business And you know that's how you get this Make your check, earn respect build up your interest Bank? No thanks. Cause bro you know that shit stanks— You studied all your mistakes— Keep money, make money tell yourself thanks (Thanks) You'll probably thank your self later (Twice?) That's when you start making paper (Thanks) And yeah you know you got haters (Who?) Yeah bitch you know he's a hater— (Boo) Who? Yo bitch—I told you no crying!! (Woah) (They go in the round, the 3) “Yes, ohhh my GAD” ( But I'm not Spent my deposit on a house that's rotting—vultures spotting me— Ex husband haunting me PTSD. Take it with me everywhere I go, It follows me, Swallows me up like the coffee cup I left and needed this morning. Oh, Elohim. Lala Land: a musical revue m Escaping your past is not always easy—Master Your Magic. Featuring music by: Skrillex (Vs)
Why did you do this? I didn't do this! You did this! I didn't do this! Why would I do this? How could you! I didn't! What the fuck is HE doing here? What the fuck. You need to stop this. I can't stop. What did you DO. Exactly what I had to. Shasta! Who the fuck is that? That's that bitch. I told you it was Shasta. Who the fuck is Shasta. What show is this? Where is Skrillex? FUCK SKR— Wait, what show is this? INT. THE VOID. DAY & NIGHT. I remember the first time I ever realized, I could love anyone in the world, if they needed me to—or, if they just gave me the chance. Or if I got the chance. Or, if there was a chance. And, if there was a chance, and it was supposed to happen, it always would—especially if I wanted it— But definitely, if I needed it. But, what is is “if”? And, what is “supposed”? What is it to “want”? And what's a “need”? Now I know— or at least pretend to. Because, the more it is I think I know, the actual less I feel that I actually do; None the wiser, I am what I always was— And God is, as I am. INT. TURNER STREET—FAIRBANKS, ALASKA. DAY. Have you heard of Dillon Francis? I mean, I've heard of him… He's hilarious. I feel like me and him would get along. I doubt that. Look at this. No, thank you. Just watch it. Video: Need You, NGTMRE and Dillon Francis Dillon Francis: “so much trim , dude—shes overage, I think.” —You're probably right. Just watch it. Nah, I'm good. INT. GOOD CANNABIS—FAIRBANKS, ALASKA. DAY —- The DJ—slash—actor somehow became a muse for me after so tragically being entangled in a less-than-comfortable premonition turned fairytale fantasy via tragedy and trauma from the fallout of finding my formerly favorite founding father of modern dance music to have fallen from grace —Or into it— EXT. A DITCH SOMEWHERE. TWILIGHT A drunken DJ is discarded. —only to amazingly recoup and recover, seemingly like magic— Which by the way, is real. A comeback nobody saw coming— And still doesn't see, at least—as of yet. I remember the first time I levitated as an adult; two years later to that very day, I found myself uncontrollably laughing, to the opposite affect, so heavy I seemed almost to be bound to the floor; It was the only gift I received for my birthday that year, though albeit unintentionally given ROFLMAO. What in the fuck does that mean? Rolling on the floor, laughing my ass off. OH, THAT CHUCKLEFUCKER. I just laughed so hard, I came. I saw. Come here, kid. OW. Ohhhhhh, I see. what was THAT. Now, you listen, I am listening. No, you're laughing. That was more than a laugh… It was more than a look. DID YOU SEE THAT? WOW. That was orgasmic. Shishane!! I gotta go. Okay. But come here. (They kiss.) See you tomorrow. Yeah. Okay Hey, I'm home: SHASTA!!!!! Where WHERE YOU? I had work. Finally having caught up to SupaCree (in Skrillex's body), Sonny (as SupaCree) is flabbergasted at her actions. Dressed super flamboyantly and colorful, "Skrillex" looks ridiculous, touting a Jamba Juice and sipping erroneously SupaCree (S): what the fuck. Skrillex (SC): Yooooo. You're ugly. Mau5: you're one to talk. Skrillex: Psh I am sexy as fuck right now. Wow. SupaCree: Jamba Juice? I don't drink Jamba Juice. Skrillex: you do drink Jamba juice. I mean. I do. This was free. Actually, you know what, a lot of shit is free, when you're rich; it's fucked up. Right. Yeah. Doesn't make a lot of sense. ___________ (Earlier) A super hot fan girl walks up to "Skrillex" Hey stranger. Hey...wow. Yeah wow. This is kinda random, but would you want to… (whispers in ear) Woah. That is random. (Basic bitch giggle) haha yeah. You would do that? Yeah! Because...I'm... Skrillex..? Um, yeah, I guess… Huh. … Well...would you do that if I wasn't Skrillex? ..um...no??? Huh. ___________ (later) Skrillex (SC) Yo! Did you know that people will (whispers in ear) just because you're Skrillex. SupaCree (S): (bashfully) Well, yeah... Skrillex: YO! _______ Switching Back In an attempt to return to normal, Skrillex ends up back in his own body, but has left SupaCree and Dillon Francis now stranded in eachothers' bodies. Skrillex/Sonny: sigh of relief--rolls eyes at outfit, but otherwise satisfied, shrugging. SupaCree (DF) Woah I am...colors…! [Looks over self in awe] Dillon Francis (SC): Awh what, no way! Aaaaghhh! SupaCree (DF) [Looking down] ...these are tits. Dillon Francis (SC) : HEY! Don't touch my tits! [Looks in mirror] FUCK YEAH, I'M DILLON FRANCIS: Stuck in SuPaCree's body, Dillon Francis experiences full fledged synethesia heightened by the circumstances of the switch; an array of colors and vibrations fill the world; he stares, taken aback by Skrillex's "colors", which only he can see [but is clearly phonomenal.] SupaCree: Oh man, this is... [looks at Skrillex] Whuuuut. Skrillex: (creeped) What? SupaCree (DF) [steps away from him, wide eyed] ...this is a lot. Dillon Francis (SC) [checking himself out, approving] Dude I'm hungry. What do you eat? SupaCree: what the fuck do you eat? Sugar Cubes of acid? What the FUCK! Dillon francis: I try to stay away from processed sugar-- SupaCree: what the fuck is this shit? Calm Down, You're just ugly. Are you kidding me? !'m tripping dick right now. Dillon Francis: I'm tripping dick right now-- SupaCree: HEY. Dont touch my dick! No tits, no dick! Dillon Francis: first of all, I'm Dillon Francis, I can do whatever I want; secondly, nobody's touching your dick--ew--it's just attached to me. SupaCree: What is wrong with you?! Dillon Francis: nothing, im--i'm Dillon Francis. SupaCree: WHY is everything wavy--what are these colors? Dillon Francis: it's just---mild synesthesia-- SupaCree: "MILD" (to skrillex) Stay over there. SKrillex: K. Dillon Francis: It ramps up when I get excited. Or anxious. Or hungry. SupaCree: Make it stop. Dillon Francis: I can't. That's why I rave. SupaCree: AGH. Dillon Francis: Just don't get too close to Skrillex. Both: Why? Dillon Francis: I don't know, okay? Just...don't. And here, wear these [puts on sunglasses.] There. SupaCree: better...kind of. This is insane. Dillon Francis: just don't play his music… SupaCree: why, what does your music do? [Skrillex is silent. There is an obvious secret Dillon Francis sends a threatening glare towards him, and they nod in agreement not to elaborate] SupaCree: nevermind. Switch me back. Dillon Francis: no way! I'm an even whiter white guy now. I wanna go out! SupaCree: out where? Dillon Francis: I don't know. Somewhere really white. Like. Manhattan beach or--Beverly Center. SupaCree: I don't wanna go out like this! Dillon Francis: you're right, you look ridiculous. [She's still dressed in all black, signature skrillex] _____________ Skrillex, Dillon Francis and SupaCree end up as the finalists in the fight to the death J battle to become “God's” favorite DJ __________ Dillonception -Dillon Francis's Magical Universe immediately follows dillonception, where he uses his newly acquired = magic and works for a variety of characters to save the world, albeit from a DJless post apocalyptic wasteland. _______ Hot fan girl from before: you deleted that picture, right? (Later) Dillon Francis (as supa Cree) is wearing a shirt with a picture of the fangirl and skrillex [insert goofy picture here] a reference to Getter, though the act is innocent rather than sexual, as the prior scenes indicate. The Voices Parodyish Dilon is the only person who sees Gerald and his friends/ family as “just a pinata”, however, Gerald, appears as, in fact, a real person to everyone else, who believes Dillon to just be joking, or even ‘a real asshole' However, it is later revealed that as such, Dilon “suffers” from a condition similar to that which the main character of The Voices also struggle Dillon Francis is officially too hot for Supacree (Sunni Blu, alternately) as they are often booked to work together, Supacree becomes clumsily awry of Dillon Francis, hanzel, and RAF respectively. Don't do this. I'm about to. Just fucking stop! I won't stop. You're being ridiculous. Yes, I am. What—Dillon Francis?! What—Kayla Lauren—? It's a thing. It's a cult. Well, fuck this. I want it. So, get it. I got it. He played you. Okay, then— Listen to me—? I am listening… You are NOT— Let me guess— “NOT HIS TYPE” —yeah, I know. So, what's up! Well, he's hot— That's so gross— I'm an adult— He's a DJ— —a record producer— An Oscar nominated actor— What?! —and Grammy nominated. Wait, excuse me. Same year, too. Different project, though. How'd this happen? “This can't happen” Oh, my God! That never happened. What never happened? Okay. Exactly. What about So— WHO? Sorry. Right, exactly. Hey, how's Kayla? Who is “Kayla”? Well, this hurts. Just use it. He won't stay. Don't need it— —that's the way// I want it. So. Satan. ...hm? Can you handle this? This one's easy. He looks simple. But he's not. Dillon Francis is one of the most powerful Gods of creation in existence. What about Skrillex? There's no Skrillex. What about Sonny? S/He killed him. Oh. Who's this? This is Esmerelda. What's...she doing? Everything I won't. Woah. I'll be back. What is this? I remember this—he married her, and I suffered. Who, Kayla Lauren?! “She's so basic—“ So is Sonny. OoooOoooOooo000hhhh— —shots fired. “ The Simple Skrillex” That's this one. Fuck this nigga —fuck this nigga— And his posse. So, what's Dillon want? Nothing to do with me— Oh— Who are you? Who did you ask for? ...Jesus fucking Christ. What, Dillon Francis? ...are you busy? Jesus Christ and Dillon Francis finally have a face to face. “An Extended Vacation” Oh, my God. Don't say that. Fuck Dillon Francis. ...why does Dillon Francis have my dragon? Does she know I have her dragon WHY DOES DILLON FRANCIS— Is she mad? HABE MY DRAGON? Mm. Is she coming? You know what—?! — I should mention Wigga Skrillex, before I for get again Man, fuck SKRILLEC! Can't. He's “taken” Oh, is he? Plus, Dillon Francis has my—wait—. How did Dillon Francis get my dragon? Hoe did you get my dragon? You keep me jet Blue I can't forget you, But I can forgive you for getting me Used to this, Uselessness I'm just another useless piece of— Dillon Francis, send this shit to Skrillex, And just kill me— Or let's burn it, Just forget it; Didn't write it Need a girlfriend? That can never happen I don't want it, I just fantasized about it once, Or maybe twice I'm in my mind, I'll find you by the time I die, Right? Right? Dillon Francis's kick drum. In the reality where () becomes a college professor, she is interrupted by surprise and stunned, when Skrillex himself appears during a lecture deconstructing his music. After being banished into a reality where Dillon Francis is a level-one DJ in present times, he furiously attempts to escape through multiple failed attempts. He has also lost his ability and masterful magic of music, and experiences the struggle of obscurity and insignificance in the oversaturated and unfair present music scene. Just as he crosses paths with the alternate reality in which he has fallen into an eternity long Dark Void, which spirals towards Hell in a Terrifying Twilight-Zone like wormhole of sorts, where one's deepest transgressions, fears, and doubts are projected through infinite dimensions, often resulting in “The Illusion of Death”, or rather, depending on the construct of the respective reality, the “nearest-to-Death” experience you can possibly have. As the Dillon Francis in the Dark Void gets nearer to Hell, The Dillon Francis in “Dillon Francis Has No Fans Land” (located amongst the Universal Network of alternate parallels U has been been banishing ‘Hollywood People' into, scattering them into realities where they either haven't-yet or never-will make it to superstardom/celebrity status. *Note* This Universe has the highest concentration of SS as an actual person, as it is revealed to be hidden nestled and hidden in a deep subliminal realm of her own subconscious, which creates a protected vortex “off map”, a hidden Universe with its own complexities, Laws of Science, and Concept of Time; A Nearly Inescapable Consciously constructed set on its own independent, multidimensional grid--which only () herself can travel throughout. U kidnapping celebrities by Assassinating them through the “illusion of death” ( sometimes as the Colorful Crypt Keeper, depending on the reality) In our present reality (IRL) The Celebrities have either retired, disappeared into isolation “A Syd Barret”, or more dramatically, have actually died. Once removed from the current reality, the stars wake up in a new reality, where they are no longer wealthy, popular, famous or successful; While some entertainers happily (heaven) adjust to normalcy, finding happiness and bliss in simplicity, most are cascaded into an unraveling downward spiral, deteriorating their mental health as they experience life without privilege or status. “If Your Name Is________________, You're In My Movie” Once collected, they are then sent “One Deeper” into this skewed universe, again by Death, which happens in exact synchronicity of their first death, resetting time; they “What is this, Bad DJ Land?” “Yeah, I mean I call it, Dillon Francis Has No Fans Land, but. Yeah.” (mimicking her) “Yeah.” Venice Ventures (A Collection of Short FIlms, a Spinoff of the Scary Monsters Series, a Tie Into Secret Life of Sunni Blu/Much Ado About Sunni Blu, The Legend of SupaCree -Venice Ventures (Pilot/Venice Mini Burning Man) -Day Of The Dead -Who Killed Matt Maeson -Magic Is Real -Magic Israel -Magic Isn't Real -LSDream (Pt I.Vegas) -LSDream (Pt. II) -Brillz (Sammi The Bampheramph, circa 2013) -Au[DIO]tistic SupaCree meets two new “friends” at a small festival; However, she soon finds that she's on her own, after feeling “third wheeled” and deciding to roam closer to her home (front and center) on the dance floor. During a drop, she breaks into her signature improvisational “dance trance”, drawing a crowd of impressed and fascinated ravers, becoming quite instantly popular; It's almost, even, as if she has fans--as people excitedly ask to trade kandi and share dances. Then, as Getter begins his set--a circle of people have formed around her, groups of tribes, squads, and kandi kids, magnetically drawn to the The Vibe (I Am The Vibe) and spirit energy that the music awakens within her; The Spirits have called her home to journey into the spirit world, sending “Angels”, or “Light Spirits” tasked to assure that she completes this passage into the spirit world--aligning the present, with the future and past; Alternately, in the Dark Underworld, Demons, or “Dark Spirits/Lost Souls” to work against the light, as an effort to consume her, reawakening The Ego. The Ascended Masters, as an order to bestow Stories of Origin, ancient wisdom, and awaken the God Consciousness, allowing for ascension and Projection within the Interdimensions--must release the seal which holds the oldest known [or unknown soul], so that the “Light Magic” can be passed back to the living descendants of the ancestors amast to be Ascended Masters. To Blissfully yet truly unaware of her own light--either deeply within, or shining throughout, people dancing near her are givingly sharing “conscious gifts” forming a smoke circle within what seems to be an almost gravitational pull. She smokes cooly within the circle, enjoying the auras of those around her--who laugh, smile, dance, and greet her with friendly excitement; As she circle closes, she is handed a mysterious cartridge, filled with a liquid which she quickly examines in the dark and smoky crowd of dancers. ...This is weed? The girl neither shakes her head yes, or no--just gazing above the rims of her dark sunglasses. She takes three hits, and passes it back to the masked stranger, who disappears into the dancefloor. Thanks! (but she is already gone) The energy shifts around her, as her ravey extroversion quickly fades into an introverted and inward, calm and thoughtful state. She contently observes, as usual, checking back to see the the couple she came with, as they wave happily at her. She moves more closely to them, gesturing to meet her closer to the front of the dance floor. She looks up at the performance stage; the visuals, the lights, the many working parts of a high-production value theatrical production. The stage is set so that she has to look more upward at the DJ, who she stares at, drifting into what seems to be a daydream. Its time for Meditation. Meditate. Now? Ground Yourself. Are you serious? I just got here! Sit. As the bass drops, The world around her shifts, into a colorful array of light colliding with sound; Enter, World of Floor. (A flashback, to past raves) I always knew this world existed, but never had I imagined the things I hadn't seen, around and between all the things I had as I was flying overhead, passing by admiring all the life...and all the lights... (A montage of the World of Floor) (The Cosmic Owl's Flight) In a beautiful starlit meadow, on some distant parallel or humanoid existence, a group of boys are camping, being boys. One boy, a pale and slender boy with gentle eyes under pink-framed wide lens glasses, gazes up at the sparkling night sky toting his gun upwardly, looking through the scope. A bright shooting star appears, bedazzling him as he looks, rubbing his eye. What are you aiming at? It's darktime, I doubt you'll find anything to shoot. The boy shrugs, Suit yourself. The other boy heads back toward the fire, where at a distance one of the other boys asks “what is he doing?” I don't know, psh. Haha--maybe he's shooting stars. Shut up! They continue on. He scoffs and rolls his eyes, head pointed up as he watches the sky, inwardly wishing for another shooting star, then suddenly--a light, as something large and white flies over the campsite, leaving behind a gust of wind and sparkling light of stardust, dissipating as the boys all point their heads at the sky, wide eyed. WOAH! Did you see that? What do you mean did I see that? I'm sitting right by you! It went right over your head! Like, right by! They search the sky, as the stars seem to twinkle with a brighter blue-white light; The Giant White Owl once more flies by. What the-- Don't just stand there! What IS that thing? I don't know! Shoot it. The boy panics, aiming for the bird. He fires a shot, missing her, then another. Shoot it! From a birds eye view, the boys seem small in the vast meadow, nestled in a beautiful valley on a gigantic “alien” planet, with colorful auroras dancing in the atmosphere. The owl glows with the neon light, with giant wise eyes, whose light reflects the tale of all time. Hearing the two shots, but unfamiliar with the sound, she glides into a curve diving downward over the mountainside, towards the boy with the glasses, in her eye surrounded by an aura of golden light; she tilts her head as the shine in her giant eye sparkles with a loving light; As she admires the light, she cries as the sound of the gunfire aligns with a bullet, spinning her graceful flight into a flash of light, leaving behind a twisting trail of cosmic light and stardust. [*Director's Note:Though she appears only as a Giant White Owl (though with a glowing bright white light, only the boy in the glasses sees (with the naked eye) the neon spectrum of light emitted by The Cosmic Owl, eventually a full Prisim..] He jumps, as his eyes widen with shock and worry, in awe of the spiral of light and a shuttered surprise. You got it! Thank God, I would have called this whole thing off. What was that? At least he got it. Taking his gun off and dropping it, he walks still in awe towards the mountain, in an almost hynotized and quiet stride. ...Hey, where are you going? ...I'm gonna go find it. Go FIND IT? Why!? Just because it's not flying, doesn't mean it's not still alive! That thing was giant! Like three times your size! Ten Times! Unresponsive, and guided by the light, though fading, which has left a spiraled trail against the dark and starry sky. A giant moon rises over the mountain, as she runs into the forested hillside, ascending towards the spiraled light. Go after him. I'm not going after him. Someone go get him. YOU go get him. Pftt. Fuck that. They all stare blankly at eachother in an awkward silence. ...Mom's gonna kill us. -Countdown Shunned by h They know I am Good. Well. How? Who? They. Who this they? Anyone that matters. How--how? Insomniac. Right. EDC. right. The music. Well, it can't always end in martyrdom It always has Stay humble. All are one Whose world is this, anyway? Apparently, ours. Sonny's somewhere Sonny's always somewhere except, wherever I am. Not true. Oh, God. Hm…? What? I just want peace Want, or need? Need. Fair. I need PLUR Al of it? I'd gladly trade my life to rave again You were promised an eternal cebration in paradice Where's paradice Stay on the path San Diego would be on the path. It is. A town called paradice Oh, Tiesto. His wife is 23. Gross. Is it? Is it love? For now. Have faith. I am faith. Be kind. I am kindness. I said, stay humble. Kendrick. And? AND. The remix is always better. Only when it's. . I am Skrillex. As if. what is "if". Go make music. Music made me. I am music. I need tome. Who, what, and when, are driving in a car together… The coffee rub (run*) There's significance in that video there's significance in Dillon Francis Even Deadmau5? Who? On God. ...what? ...oh great, now I gotta figure out which biblical character represents Dillon Francis? It's not Jesus. We know Jesus. (Everyone knows Jesus) It is Jesus. Everything is everything. That's a step. No white saviors! ...go somewhere else. Be a color! … ___ There's a lady in my kitchen, cooking me breakfast. I cooked breakfast. ...is it...poisoned? No, it's breakfast. … … It is hot. Who are you? *censored vigorously* … Apparently, I'm Skrillex. What the fuck. What the fuck. I gotta go. through the other end of the telephone, a DJ, having overheard the conversation pipes in loudly, with peeping curiosity. Is that Skrillex? Call you back. Supacree continues cooking comfortably. Is he there? Another DJ runs towards the phone, having overheard—in the background, we see a news program playing, the headline reads WHERE IS SKRILLEX, the latter obscured. Is he there?! Sounds like him. Yo! It does! Where is Skrillex!? I gotta go. He hangs up the phone. … Dillon suspiciously pushes back his plate. SUPACREE Let me guess. DILLON FRANCIS HEY GOOGLE, call SUPACREE I am Google. DILLON FRANCIS Apparently, You're Skrillex. SUPACREE Apparently, I am. (I AM.) What was that? ...what was that? SUPACREE That was Ï. [beat.] [Very awkward silence] ...I need a… Eat your breakfast. Who are you? Listen, Dillon Francis. Who is that? That's—your name. No, I'm not… … …who are you? Alright, just— look. “NOT DILLON FRANCIS” She forfeits. She forfeits? This tournament is intense. How do you even remember this story? I just remember it...it sticks. ASCENSION. Who wrote this? Who, indeed. Explain that. I can't explain that. You made it, you have to explain it. I didn't make it. Yes, you did. I didn't make this. I will bring her here. How? Jeff: Don't ask me “how”, just watch. (Jeff?) What? I don't know how to spell “Excision” ((But I do.)) That's not a fucking FLEX, it's a SKRILLEX. It is what it is! IT IS WHAT IT IS AND I KNOW A SKRILLEX WHEN I SEE A SKRILLEX ITS A SKRILLEX. *GASP* THE HEX. (Oh shit, what Hex) ((The SKRILL-HEX)) (((AHA.)) Apparently. Watch this. [Ext. Basspod (Underground)] Wait, she's leaving. Where is she going? I don't know. Just-- I can't keep track! She was just-- --RIGHT THERE-- Wait, what was that? What was that? Over there? Over...where? It's….it's that way. That way what? Lets go. GETTER doesn't know what he did. JEFF knows exactly what he did and isn't saying shit. EXCISION knows where you can get it, but not unless you pay. SKRILLEXCISION is the world's hottest super-duo, (who is in reality, just one person.) ((and doesn't exist)) (((at least, in this dimension.))) SUPACREE, is probably -she dead -she's an alien -she has superpowers That's just a Skrillex. I don't think its-- Just leave it. IT'S A BIRD. IT”S A PLANE. IT”S SUPACREE SUPACREE, WHO THE FUCK IS “SUPACREE”? SUPACREE is a SUPERSTAR DJ. (who is actually several different people) ((who are actually just one being)) (((infinite)) SKRILLEX is … … …. … Explain that. I can't explain that, I didn't make that. Oh, you made it. I--okay, wait--no. I am NOT taking responsibility for this-- (She is responsible for this) ((and infinite other things)) (((everything, actyally.))) No, I mean, she's actually everything. “Everything” She doesn't know she's in control of it. Wait, I can control it? Watch. Don't watch. Just listen. It's not how i hear it, it's how I feel it. Did you run? NIGGA, I DID NOT RUN; I RAN. Oh shit, now she knows she's in control of it. Sick. Yess--but she doesn't believe it, so it's fucking with existence. Shit. This existence? Every existence. How can you tell? I don't even know what I'm about to say before I say it, I think she's writing this... Wait, do you usually know what you're going to say before you're gonna say it--? I don't know, I can't remember anything before this happened--I'm not even sure if we existed, I think we might be in this shit. Wait, like in this--like, we're not even… ...then it just ends, dude. IT JUST ENDED? But it wasn't just purple rain, It was rainbows and--wait So she.. Wait. Two planets passing so closely, the two worlds are forever changed. Well. Now that we know this is possible. Oh shit, that 12th PLanet. He's black? I-- Huh. Wait. Wait. Can I...Remix this…? What the fuck is a “Remix”? The Remixes. AH, FUCK THIS. Wait, did it-- It did, it dropped. He dropped it. FUCK THIS DUDE. OH, FUCK THIS MOTHERFUCKER. THIS MOTHERFUCKER. --BASS BITCH, MOTHERFUCKER!! Is that the lyrics? I don't know, that's just how it goes! ___ How do you know him…? We are...friends. BITCH, I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND-- DAMN! --I AM YOUR SAVIOR, YOU SHOULD BE WORSHIPPING ME-- Oh, shit. That took a turn. -- I do worship you. OH SHIT. THAT TOOK ANOTHER TURN. Are you sure it was CTHULU? (Nods.) Okay then, lets get this bitch. __ Skrillex and Dillon Francis make a Deal with The Ex. OH SHIT-- IS THAT WHY SHE-- YAH. UNH. YAS. So these planets pass so closely, that their atmosphere's collide, and--not only do they-- --THE PLANETS-- --actually manage to acknowledge eachother as it's happening, it actually alters their axis-- --yeah-- --and changes their orbital paths... Yes. WHAT? Okay. So. Look. There's two planets. Two planets, yeah. Different Galaxies. Well yeah, that--that would depend, wouldn't it. Dependent by which...definition... ? I mean; what is even a Galaxy-- I mean, scientifically? No, infinitely? Excuse me? I mean--what is a “galaxy” if existence is infinite. It's--what? If Everything is Everything; then whatever a galaxy is, by definition--what our actual perception of this reality is exactly just that Whatever I was about to type was definitely better sou The Legend of SupaCree follows an involuntary “hero” on her adventures, after her powers become unlocked; Now, she must join forces with the other DJ's to Save The Rave. _____ SupaCree refuses to tell anybody anything. (After Pre-edc scene) oh dude, that's a lot. It is a lot. She still hasn't told her mom you're “Skrillex” Ugh, no. And she makes me shop at K-Mart every time we go over there. You got that at K-Mart? It's nice. Yeah. Where did you find a K-Mart? ______ Where is “Earff”? _____ Bampheramph training is considered complete once the trainee “stops crying”, thus begins the official recruitment process, which includes but is not limited to reaching various ‘extremes', which differ by context. ____ Every red cup is just Another broken heart, Another broken dream, Another broken record, Playing on repeat … … … Wheres my Skrillex? Which-- So, Skrillex… You can call me Sonny. ...Skrillex... O...kay… [She squints suspiciously at him and jots something down in her notebook.] ____ So, do you use Serato, or Rekordbox? Neither I just [Demonstrates] What the fuck does that even mean. It means you can [Demonstrates] ____1 How is he doing this? Magic. I'm not going to fight for him. Do you honestly think this is happening to anybody else? Maybe. Honestly? Infinite. Infinite Skrill-- Infinite fucking everything. I'm not about to try to explain it. So what are you going to do? I don't know. The worlds gone mad she is, but she's not a man. She's trapped in a casket Can't listen to the map And can't imagine he'll ever come back Jag parked, smogs bad and she has a plan But can't get past the magnet Magic has its way of making things go crazy Why don't you just--& Oh what? Have my people call his people? Something like that His peopl I had a dream About a tent About a temporary tenant This christmas, its Resentment, Tension And whatever this is… Oh yes, "This is Skrillex…" wayward Hey. Hey. So, uh. So. What's wrong with you? ....what? What's wrong. Whats...wrong? --With you. SupaCree summons Skrillex. Skrillex. Stop it. Fuck you. Skrillex. Seriously, stop You stop. Skrillex-Skrillex-Skriooex o Oh no Just stop. In the parallel where… SŪpAcree has become a disasterously egotistic and diva-like superstar, we see she is in this world, outwardly bitter, rather angry and dispondant, having learned to capitalize best not being herself. A young intern helps to prepare an event; His trainer, an astute and rigid stage manager, after finishing a series of detailed questions about the theatrical performance and it's various attendees-+ leaves the intern alone for "just a minute" handing them her clipboard as she hurriedly rushes elsewhere. The intern scans the clipboard, flipping the front page over to reveal a hidden note. Taking the initiative (trying to be assertive in the newly appointed position), asks nervously... ...And what about Skrillex? Who? Skrillex. Who the fuck is that? Its...Skrillex. Tell me who that is. Uh… Go ahead. The intern stands, frightened at her anger. The stage manager returns. _______________ I hate this shit, it isn't fair. It isnt Wheres my phone? __ Woah. You did all this for Skrillex. Pretty much. Yeah. I guess. Yep. Wow. Okay. You would. (I did) Burn it. What? Fuck that! Ughhhhh. No. Sonny/fictional skrillex: Do you know why ai put you in this fucked up dimension? Me: WHAT? YOU DID THIS? NO--WHY--?? Sonny: So you could get your shit together. Me: well, that's fucked up. S/FS: I DID NOT think it would take this long Me: well, how long is it supposed to take? S/FS: I don't know… Me: ...well, how long does it usually take? S/FS: So wait; You guys from the future-- Fathomable future. Uh-huh Have seen the show? Yes. My show. Mm-hmm. / Well then, how does it start? ----------------------------- I already told you, no. Yes. I'm not going to Skrillex. You have to go. No. What the fuck is NO. I'm not going. WHAT? What. You have to go. Who says? We do. Okay. Okay. [beat] Who the fuck are you? OOH, ARE WE STILL BLEEPING OUT THE SKRILLEX? Yes. Sonny Sonny Sonny Sonny Sonny Sonny Sonny You so Funny Funny Funny Funny Funny Funny Funny Do you Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me I'm so Ugly Ugly Ugly Ugly Ugly Ugly Ugly And I'm nothing Without you Was this a song? Probably. Looks like a song. Seems like a song to me. Nobody should ever hear this. Define…”nobody” The Song has become a number 1 hit radio sensation. What the fuck is my life. What the fuck is your life. I don't know what the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuuuuuuck . Speak of the devil— (Terrified) what? Dillon Francis is here? What? No—it's just Skrillex, he's just...here to collect. What?! What, dude—Skrillex is your plug? Uhhh. For what? Where else am I gonna get premium space bass? Aaahh Gasp I knew it! I knew something about you was really Skrilly. Hella Skrilly. *doorbell rings* Ok, no Skrilly in front of the— He is magically just, suddenly inside. In front of the what? The two stand starry eyed in amazement. ...hey… X2: hey… Should we step outside? Oh, come in— —I did. I see that. (Lol )Right in He did that. He always does. This...transaction is private. It's fine. You guys are alright—maybe—breathe a little— —large gasp, has not been breathing since Skrillex...what did he even do. He like, apparated No—apps—no. There's no fire. He didnt apostate. Alright then, teleport. That silently? Yeah, I mean teleportals also are like: —actual teleportal, which is a huge, very not quiet, black hole like vacuum with lots of colors, lots of light— Oh. Well, how did he get in, then? He shifted. “What the fuck is Shiffted!?” The SupaCree and The Skrillex share these commonalities: *S13 (13th power ) —- Dude! I got the key! You got the key, yeah, it's one of these. A bunch of keys in a wheelbarrow. Dude. What. The fuck. I don't know! I just know, she told me the key was on the key ring WHAT keyring dyde?! This is just a wheelbarrow full of KE*T! (He produces a heavy chain which appears to (not really) link the kets together We...keychain. —Meanwhile, God deletes all the Florida Keys—except for one— I will not “go” to the “Skrillex Reddit” Go to that place. No way. We are going to the internet for ONE thing—and one thing only. We are gonna skate to one song, and one song only. BALL SO HARD MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA— No. One thing. Yes, I thought it was Skrillex. We never go online for Skrillex. Okay. Not even shopping. Alright, let's go. You don't even know what we're going for I hope he hears this She says I hope he makes it And by she, I mean me And I've been peayint for a way to try to say this stuff Spit it out Turn it up— Woah...okay! Okay what? What are you gonna do with all this Skrillex? Uh… …? …Just throw it out. Throw it out!? Yep. Why would you do that? *Shrugs* Don't need it. Don't need it!? Yeah, I just said that. Are you serious? Yes. Throw it out. No way. If you're gonna do that…I'll take it! You want it? W--Fuck yeah! For what? I don't know. I'll think of something. Okay. Yeah? Yeah...whatever. Yes! ...okay….Just--come help me lift this. “The Great Big Book of Skrillex” This...is just an Encyclopedia. ...you bought encyclopedias? I needed them for my library. ...you have a library? It isn't finished yet. It isn't...finished…? Not yet. They're installing the elevator. There's an elevator? Of course there's an elevator; it just doesn't get to the library. I meant— Come on. What did you do to my house ? Well, after I put the fire out— What fire? The main one. —there were, of course, several smaller fires— What The Hell? And now there's just that one. A fireplace? When did I get a fireplace? Well, I needed an easier way to get in and out. —where does it go? Out the chimney. —wait, did you just say “in and out”? That sounds good. I wish they had a vegetarian menu. French Fries? Uh huh. Is that it? I think so. GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR SAUCE. Ohhh, get ketchup. Sorry, we're out of ketchup. Out of ketchup? Yes. Okay, can I just have special sauce then? We are out of sauce. What. Every sauce? All The Sauce. GODDAMMIT DILLON FRANCIS. I hope this isn't like the Skrillex thing. We're still under the limit. Kick it. —-ugggghh, there are homelesses here!! —homelesseses are not always bad people Homeless—AGHHHBLLAAARRRGHHH— —-...okay, so they're not all sane, either but, neither am I. Homeless—RAAAAAAHHHH LALA—Aaahhhh NANA—*supa drunk* BLEEAAAHHHHHH DADA- Shhhhh—DADADADA - (Each character and each ensemble joins until all together they are are a crazy chorus in the ensemble in madness together) 1. Turn off the lights 17 minute dance number 2. Magic is real 20 minute dance number 3. LALa Land -La-Bay-Bay -Hollywoodland -HIII by the beach -Tent City Madness (homelessess) -The Bus Song -¡Panic @ The Disco! (Robbed) -Traiiin -ShutTheFuckUp -It's you! (Bless you.) -LALA Land (tune it out) 33 minutes ACT I— a young entrepreneur loses herself in the world of the bustling entertainment industry through entering the worlds within, and navigating the outterworld, while battling the worldly demons of darkness, as she fights for her life to break a curse set upon her by a devil with whom she will not name, but will haunt her—she must manage and master her inner magic to break this curse—and it is only when she learns that the curse may only be broken, if unspoken words are made spoken I just ate my skateboard That's okay I ain't bored— That's ok I ain't organized I came supplied: Some dude replied “I have the answer—come to me, you tiny dancer.” ‘Yessir' I replied with laughter Smile bright cause I'm an actor “Faster-faster-faster-faster!! I ” Shhhhhhhhhhh—SHADDUP. LALA- oh, hey you—! DADA- I thought we were suppressing her LUST-*sluttily* GAD- *quite so*>> We *are* LALA- *guiltily* —it's just... DADA- NO. No ‘it's just'— NANA- *drunkenly* yeahhh, keep it together, kassandra LALA & DADA- Shut the fuck up, hoe! [NANA shrugs and nothings away] LALA & DADA make a face at each other— - God, What the fuck is wrong with her, anyway? NANA coughs loudly, backstage. GAD- It's a curse. DOC- we don't believe in Magic. LALA- I don't believe in you, bitch! HOLLYWOOD (ensemble)- BITCH—WE DONT BELIEVE IN YOU, EITHER. The Three: Hot *daaamnn* Mr Poopy Butthole- hot daaaaamn...! (yeah, there's cameos) CAST: Mr. Poopy Butthole?!?! Mr. Poopy Butthole: Uhhh—yeaaah, I just got here I uhhhh, I got big plans—big dreams, you know, I just—I'm gonna be a staaaar!! CAST: Laughs—the laughter trails off into different forms—awkward, daunting, sarcastic—then, only the spirits and LALA—suddenly, it is dark, and she is laughing all alone. Her laughter turns into a sorrowful pout, looking about quite lost. She shudders. Lala- Fuuuuuuuck. And I could get a place out in Hollywood land— But I'd rather be close to the surf and the sand— Cause that's how I planned it This is my planet (This is OUR planet) Oh yeah, my bad—this is weird, having f all of us here ‘You should put on your ears, dear' Hustle, hustle, hustle That's how you get muscle And it just is what it is Bitch you know this is a business And you know that's how you get this Make your check, earn respect build up your interest Bank? No thanks. Cause bro you know that shit stanks— You studied all your mistakes— Keep money, make money tell yourself thanks (Thanks) You'll probably thank your self later (Twice?) That's when you start making paper (Thanks) And yeah you know you got haters (Who?) Yeah bitch you know he's a hater— (Boo) Who? Yo bitch—I told you no crying!! (Woah) (They go in the round, the 3) “Yes, ohhh my GAD” ( But I'm not Spent my deposit on a house that's rotting—vultures spotting me— Ex husband haunting me PTSD. Take it with me everywhere I go, It follows me, Swallows me up like the coffee cup I left and needed this morning. Oh, Elohim. Lala Land: a musical revue m Escaping your past is not always easy—Master Your Magic. Featuring music by: Skrillex (Vs)
1997. A time when Tommy Lee Jones could headline a major studio action movie and Los Angeles was still reeling from the Rodney King riots and O.J. Simpson trial. A year when Hollywood gave us two volcano-centric disaster movies, but only one that cut right to the chase and called itself... "Volcano". For the fourth installment in our Rotten Apocalypse series, we're looking back at a pair of Golden State doomsdayers that explore two very different divorced dads and their quests to save (or not save) their teenage daughters. First up, it's the aforementioned "Volcano" starring Tommy Lee Jones as a city employee who cares more about being a hero than keeping his daughter (a young Gaby Hoffmann) safe from the volcano that has erupted right in the heart of the city. After that, we're heading to the not-so-distant past of 2015 for the ultimate Divorced Guy fantasy, "San Andreas", starring The Rock as a former marine who uses his work-issued helicopter to rescue his stacked ex-wife and daughter from the largest earthquake in California history. Get ready for a very L.A.-centric episode of Rotten Apocalypse as we touch on the long history of L.A.'s failed public transportation system, the absolute destruction of San Francisco, the soulless movie stardom of The Rock, and a truly bizarre homage to "Odds Against Tomorrow". Is "Volcano" an unexpected homage to 90s L.A. and working class solidarity? Why is Kylie Minogue in "San Andreas" for a total of 2 minutes? Is Don Cheadle one of our most deeply underappreciated actors? Did you know Forest Whitaker directed one of the two "First Daughter" themed movies in the early 2000s? Is there a shittier mall in Los Angeles than the Beverly Center? There's only one place to find out. "Volcano" is available to rent wherever you rent movies. "San Andreas" is streaming on HBOMax.
On this roller coaster of an episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is back in the LA studios. She talks about her wedding woes, nightmares and THAT guy at the gym - then hits the hotline to save the world, one problem at time. Head to Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com and use the code absolutely to get $100 off of your first Visit Ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY for 10% off your first three months. For a limited time, Absolutely Not listeners can get an exclusive 15% off your pair of CARIUMA sneakers at cariuma.com/ABSOLUTELY Go to allarahealth.com/heather and use code HEATHER at checkout for 25% off your first month or diagnostic test. Produced by Dear Media
Jack Robichaud joins us to talk about the various Burbank AMCs, a harrowing search for brown pants at the Beverly Center, causing trouble as a teen at Rockingham Mall in Salem, NH and of course, his youthful longing for a pair of Oakleys. Plus a listener question about mall bar crawls, which is a really hard phrase to say. JOIN THE MALL TALK PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/malltalkpod/ BUY MALL TALK MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/malltalkpodcast FOLLOW JACK: https://www.instagram.com/jackrobichaud/ https://twitter.com/jackrobichaud FOLLOW MALL TALK: https://www.instagram.com/malltalkpod https://twitter.com/malltalkpod
In the season 3 debut of The DM Audrey Brianne & Tyree have the amazing opportunity to interview Costume Designers Guild President, Salvador Perez. Sal has an astounding career that includes some of the industry's most beloved works such as the Pitch Perfect trilogy and The Mindy Project. Join us as we have a Q&A and find out about the trade from a revered insider's perspective. Link to Sal's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/salvadorperezcostumes/ The Dm was filmed at ROOM Service in Beverly Center in Los Angeles, CA. Room Service Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/roomservicebc/ www.beverlycenter.com Watch us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCiU6ItoGphX3bXhlT3y-gw Follow The dm on Instagram at @thedm.net.podcast and learn more about us by visiting thedm.net. Follow Us: Audrey - https://www.instagram.com/audreybrianne/ Tyree - https://www.instagram.com/tyreesstyle/ The dm is produced by Joe Passarelli, Audrey Brianne and Tyree Robinson. Special thanks to nearbysound for our theme song.
Kyle Mizono (Truth Hounds podcast) joins us to talk about her love of shopping at the Americana and the Row, taking the bus by herself to the Stonestown Galleria in San Francisco, and everything from the Fuel Bar to the Red Room at Barry's Bootcamp at the Beverly Center. JOIN THE MALL TALK PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/malltalkpod/ BUY MALL TALK MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/malltalkpodcast FOLLOW KYLE: https://www.instagram.com/jylemizono/ https://twitter.com/KyleMizono FOLLOW MALL TALK: https://www.instagram.com/malltalkpod https://twitter.com/malltalkpod
The Outsiders [vol 2] #0 (1994)Post Zero Hour, when everything’s all screwed up, Eradicator assumes leadership of the Outsiders team in LA. Halo embarrasses herself in front of the youth at the Beverly Center while Looker has a blood smoothie by the pool. Then they all head out of Central America somewhere to confront a white-haired Penn Jillette over the production of violence-fueled “hyper guns.” Eventually, they hook up with Felix Faust’s son and implode a warehouse in Las Vegas.Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at worstcollectionever@gmail.com
This week on Redirected, I sat down with restaurant genius, Jeremy Fall. At only sixteen, Fall became the promotions manager of Avalon in Hollywood, producing large-scale events and booking talent at the star-making venue that showcased the first LA appearances of future platinum-selling Grammy winners. It was evident that Jeremy had an eye for potential, and that ability informed his next move: turning a hidden, forsaken attic off Sunset Boulevard into a legendary pop-up nightclub called Genesis that became a permanent fixture of Los Angeles nightlife. The next venture was Golden Box, a grungy disco that nodded at the clubs that defined generations prior like Area, Studio 54, and The Limelight, the places his father grew up attending in New York. Unsatisfied with simply serving cocktails, Jeremy then sought to embrace his passion for fine, unpretentious dining by turning the well-worn brunch restaurant concept on its head: he decided to serve breakfast for dinner, but not without stiff drinks. His spiked cereal milk concept, gained national media attention and the restaurant, Nighthawk: Breakfast Bar, was featured on Food Network’s Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives as well as Eater’s Hottest Restaurants In America list among others. Re-contextualizing a familiar or even nostalgic experience and giving it an elevated twist became Jeremy’s strongest hand, and he played it successfully at his second restaurant, Tinfoil: Liquor & Grocery, a modern take on the bodega with a discreet deli serving some of the most inventive sandwiches in Los Angeles featuring house-cured meats and homemade sides. Meanwhile, he expanded the Nighthawk concept nationally with a fast-casual location in Chicago while leveling up at home with Paperboy, a classic pizza joint at the highly-trafficked 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica and Easy’s, a modern take on the classic American Diner inside the iconic Beverly Center. This entire time, Jeremy never stopped thinking of himself as a curator, the guy responsible for setting the tone of an entire night by creating an experience for all of the senses. His friends in music had become global superstars and he knew there was an opportunity to marry those passions. In 2019, his restaurant group was acquired by K2 restaurants, a deal that gave him more time to focus on the next chapter of his career as he opened Mixtape, a concept that fused music with dining in a way that the city hadn’t experienced previously. He became the first food personality managed by Roc Nation (the entertainment conglomerate owned by legendary New York rapper Jay-Z). Follow Jeremy here ▶ https://www.instagram.com/jeremyfall/?hl=en Learn more about his work here ▶ https://www.jeremyfall.com/ Thanks so much for listening. Continue the conversation over on Instagram here ▶ https://www.instagram.com/theredirectedpod/?hl=en
Miles Gray (The Daily Zeitgeist) joins us to talk growing up on San Fernando Valley malls including but not limited to Sherman Oaks Fashion Square, Burbank Town Center (formerly Burbank Media City Center) and Fallbrook Center. Plus venturing to westside malls like Westfield Century City and the Beverly Center, sneaking into R-rated movies, experiencing the full spectrum of human emotion in the mall parking lot and finally, avoiding customers while working the floor at Coach. JOIN THE MALL TALK PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/malltalkpod/ BUY MALL TALK MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/malltalkpodcast FOLLOW MILES: https://twitter.com/milesofgray https://www.instagram.com/milesofgray/ FOLLOW MALL TALK: https://www.instagram.com/malltalkpod https://twitter.com/malltalkpod
Actual Valley girl Logan Guntzelman (The Movie Show, Comedy Central) joins us to talk outdoor Cheesecake Factory booths, malls with good coffee shops, the origin of her fear of escalators, getting grounded for buying jeans at JCPenney and, finally, her time working at the Apple Store in the Beverly Center and Pasadena, respectively. Plus a Wetzel's Pretzels update and another thrilling edition of Name That Store. JOIN THE MALL TALK PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/malltalkpod/ BUY MALL TALK MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/malltalkpodcast FOLLOW LOGAN: https://www.instagram.com/placesitookashitthisyear/ https://twitter.com/adirtyguntz FOLLOW MALL TALK: https://www.instagram.com/malltalkpod https://twitter.com/malltalkpod
Dominic and Jono are joined with special guest, Karen Bystedt! Dominic and Jono chat with Karen on her career as an artist, working the Legendary Andy Warhol, The Lost Warhols at the Beverly Center in Los Angeles.
Congrats to the Dodgers for winning the world series for the first time since 1988. Did you catch the game at one of your favorite WeHo sports bars? This week, we head into Halloween and yes … we will sorely miss our Halloween Festival on Santa Monica Blvd. However, show your pumpkin-carving skills with a visit to the Pumpkin Patch at Beverly Center. This week the girls welcome Chris Santos, Founder of Dr. Refresh on Melrose Place. This wellness oasis has only been open 19 days, but make sure to have a listen to the podcast to learn about Chris and his business on the bleeding edge of fitness, wellness, anti-aging and beauty. He has been dedicated to health and fitness all of his life as a triathlete, martial artist, and wellness / biohacking enthusiast. Eat & Drink Week: We head into the final days of Eat + Drink Week (Nov 1) and Maxine's pick is Cavatina at Sunset Marquis. You have to cross a bridge across a koi pond and it feels like Hawaii. It will be even more enchanting when the holiday lights make their appearance shortly. Sweet Treats: Tracy scoured the neighborhood and her picks for some tasty treats are Cake Monkey, Pitchoun, Gelson's, and Conservatory (for the spooky drinks too!). However, it is the macarons for Maxine as she waits for Bottega Louie to open their doors in early November. Lisa's Back: The block at SM between Robertson & San Vicente appears to be alive again with Pump, Tom Tom and its expanded patio offering Vanderpump Rules realness to fans of all the shows. Time to Vote: We don't think we need to remind you how important your voice is right now, and for a little extra incentive Uncle Paulie's Deli, Lauren's fave, will give you buy-one-get-one free when you come in with an “I Voted” sticker. Uber is also offering some deal specials if you need a ride to the ballot box or polls. Robertson House: James Perse proves they are much more than high end t-shirts and sweats on Robertson next to the Ivy. This fully immersive experience will showcase their furniture collection and accessories including sheets, towels, antiques, cashmere throws and more.
Today I sat down with the amazing Jessica Rich, LA based female fashion designer & shoe mogul. Jessica has an incredible story - from working at a fast food restaurant and hosting at a restaurant, to running a BOOMING e-commerce business and having a retail store in the world famous Beverly Center amongst other global luxury brands. Jessica shares her story, how she manages her time, how to stay grounded, & how she built her fashion empire in just 5 short years.
Angler expert Max Shapiro returns to review the return of one of the most underrated restaurants in Los Angeles. Jordan and Max love this seafood palace and break down a recent meal they shared in the new tented patio at the Beverly Center. Yes, the Beverly Center. Get over it and go.
Madison Shepard joins the pod to talk about her time working at Burbank Town Center, the Americana and of course – the True Religion at the Beverly Center. We cover Busta Rhymes and his flip phone, Ruben Studdard and his free jeans, the founders of True Religion and their bad divorce, and how to have fun with Swedish. Plus another game of Oops! You Forgot Something in Your Shopping Cart.FOLLOW MADISON:https://twitter.com/MadisonShepardhttps://www.instagram.com/madison_shepard/FOLLOW MALL TALK:https://www.instagram.com/malltalkpodhttps://twitter.com/malltalkpodJOIN THE MALL TALK PATREON:https://www.patreon.com/malltalkpod/BUY MALL TALK MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/malltalkpodcast
Dave Schilling (Full Court Chat podcast) joins Emily and Paige to talk Burberry at the Beverly Center, Abercrombie in Las Vegas, Hollister in Daly City, and Urban Outfitters on Melrose. We also learn some new British vocab words, find out whether Merced Mall really “has it all” and play another round of Name That Store.FOLLOW DAVE:https://twitter.com/dave_schillinghttps://www.instagram.com/dwschilling/FOLLOW MALL TALK:https://www.instagram.com/malltalkpodhttps://twitter.com/malltalkpodJOIN THE MALL TALK PATREON:https://www.patreon.com/malltalkpod/BUY MALL TALK MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/malltalkpodcast
Yassir Lester zooms in to the pod to let us know that he loves the mall too! We talk walking around the Grove for exercise, navigating the impossible shape of the Beverly Center, some interesting choices behind Michael B. Jordan's Coach collection, and why all the pro wrestlers shop at Town Center Mall in Kennesaw, GA. Also, we all agree that Wetzel’s Pretzels is the best mall pretzel place, learn about the time they went head-to-head with Auntie Anne’s for Yassir’s affection on Twitter, then play another thrilling edition of Name That Store.FOLLOW YASSIR:https://www.instagram.com/yassir_lester/https://twitter.com/Yassir_LesterFOLLOW MALL TALK:https://www.instagram.com/malltalkpodhttps://twitter.com/malltalkpodJOIN THE MALL TALK PATREON:https://www.patreon.com/malltalkpod/BUY MALL TALK MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/malltalkpodcast
Ben Baller is here to discuss: The country being on fire, keyboard warriors coming at Ben, being you, the killing of George Floyd, why the peaceful protests & riots have occurred, paying for an employee who went out & protested, people being desperate, The Beverly Center being hit, friends' stores being looted, Lake of the Ozarks Positive COVID-19 Test, the set ups in the protests, John Cusack being on the front lines, racism getting worse, RIP Jonas, Topps 2020 Project & cards being sent out, The Epstein Doc & a whole lot more. This episode is not to be missed. Produced by: DBP CORP www.dbpodcasts.com Follow @dbpodcasts on Instagram & Twitter Music by @lakeyinspired Available on all Podcast Platforms, YouTube & BehindTheBallerPod.com Behind The Baller Theme Music Artist: Illegal Kartel (@illegal_kartel_mikal_shakur) Produced by: Gene Crenshaw @yuyuthemaker
Learn more about ButterclothDue to COVID-19 we are no longer asking for financial support for the show, instead you can now join free mentorship group calls with Fabian to get through this together. Join here.Full Transcript:F Geyrhalter:Welcome to the show, Dan and Bob.B Stevens:Good morning, Fabian.F Geyrhalter:It's always great to have two people on, especially right now doing this crazy quarantine that we're all in. I know that everyone is in a different house, in a different spot. I had founder and co-founder pairs on Hitting the Mark in the past, but this is the first founder and COO, so chief operating officer combo. How long have you guys been working together?B Stevens:I met Dan, Fabian, almost 20 years ago or thereabouts. At that time I had a manufacturing company in the footwear business and Dan actually helped me out in the design areas, back when he was in school, he started. So we've known each other for many years. I've been able to watch him evolve and grow and blossom over the years, and so I had sold the company in 2016 and right about the time that Dan had decided to jump from his current head designer post into having his own company. He called me up one day and he said, "I quit my job today," and I go, "Oh my gosh." "I want to start this company. Would you help me?" Of course, there was no question. Dan had helped me for many years and I was all in to help him.F Geyrhalter:That's amazing. Let's go into that story a little bit. Dan you worked in a small tailor shop in Vietnam with your parents and then you came to the US where you took fashion classes at a local college and you actually landed a job at Mattel, designing clothes for Barbie, which is just so crazy cool, and then you saved enough money to study at Otis, which is also where my wife graduated from and it's up the street, and afterwards, you worked for various fashion companies including 7 For All Mankind. When and how did you decide to say "This is the time and now I want to start my own company"? How did that happen and what was the drive?D Tran:I've been in the fashion industry for probably around 20 years and then been head designer for 10 years at a big brand in LA, and then one day I just wake up and thinking I had to have my own brand because I'm getting old. I don't want to regret later, this is something I really want to do, and then I have this idea to create a brand, Buttercloth, and then that's how the drive kind of kicked in and then I just walk in my boss's office and just quit my job and then started.F Geyrhalter:Just that easy, right? I hear that from a lot of entrepreneurs on my show that they're doing well, they're up in their career, they do what they like doing, but they don't do what they love doing, like they know that there's something else and they take this huge leap of faith because they know looking back, even if they would fail, they would not regret having done it because it's something that they just needed to do and it's always so inspiring to hear that.D Tran:I only called my best friend that I talked to, and I asked him, I tell him like there's something wrong with me because I go to work, I'm not happy, and I have something in me to start my own business, but I don't know what it is and I'm also scared and afraid to quit my comfortable job and I have to quit all the income coming in and comfortable life and all that, and then it just bother me and that's why I decided to quit my job and go for it.B Stevens:I'll tell you a quick story. During that time, Dan was battling with himself about giving up that comfortable six figure income and so forth. He would talk to me about it weekly, and then I was watching television one morning and I saw Steve Harvey on there talking about his new book called Jump, and it's a story of him jumping off and doing his own thing to encourage other people, and so I said, "Wow, this is the book for Dan," so I bought it and I sent it to him. I think Dan read that book in three days and on the fourth day, he went in and quit his job.F Geyrhalter:I hope that is a review that you wrote on Amazon for the book because it really should be. That is fantastic.D Tran:That book has helped me a lot and it seemed like that book is talking about my life and guided me to where I'm at right now.F Geyrhalter:That is so great.D Tran:That is the inspiration book. I end up like buy few books and give to all my entrepreneur friends.F Geyrhalter:That is fantastic, and you guys branded your company to make the world's most comfortable shirt, and I'm always suspicious of these claims, right? Because they feel, to be honest, a little bit cheesy and not believable, but, and this is important and that's why you're on this show, you come from the fashion background. Knowledge of fabrics is deeply ingrained in you and you would not be launching a brand with that claim if you could not justify it first to yourself, but also to the world. So the question is what makes it the most comfortable shirt? As part two of that question, are you able to protect that claim? Is it very ownable for you?D Tran:Yeah. The fabric that we come up with is finished on both side of the fabric. That's why it touching the skin is very comfortable. Most of the fabric, they finish it only one side which is the outside, so when you touch it, it's smooth, but what we did, we finish it on the inside as well because I'm thinking, the inside is as important because it's touching your skin. So that's what we did, the double face finished fabric. That's why when our customer receive the short and they put it on, and then they're like "Oh my God, this is like the most comfortable I ever worn." I get that, a lot of that email and I had a lot those comments.F Geyrhalter:You used the words of your clients to create the positioning of the company in a way, right? You reuse what the clients say, which in my eyes is extremely, extremely smart and I have been doing that even for my own company when I just interviewed my past clients and I say "What have I really done for you?" and then they tell me things that I would have never thought I actually did for them, right? I would describe them very differently.D Tran:That's true. We have some of the customer say like "Oh my God, you guys," what's that they say? Under promise but over delivery. Whatever we're advertising out there, when they receive it, actually it's even better. They say like not only like the fabric is comfortable, also the design, the little detail they love, they liked it, all the hidden detail on the short. That's the reason they come back and bought again.B Stevens:Fabian, to bring it back to branding for a minute, one of the things that from the beginning, we had this claim, we really believed it was the softest, the most comfortable shirt in the world, and I believe in branding, you have to be bold. It's not enough to say that you have good pizza. You have to say it's Long Beach's best pizza, right? The best pizza in Long Beach, and of course you have to live up to that, but you have to make that claim and then you have to be able to prove it, and we had early... This is also I think very important in branding is to be careful who you're listening to. I've come to realize that there really are no experts, you, me or anyone else. We all have an opinion and we all have experience that we bring to the table, but there's really no experts, and if we would have listened to all of the experts that we talked to, Buttercloth wouldn't even exist. Because we had people tell us, "Oh no, you can't make that claim. Don't make that claim. You're going to get sued," we had one expert us. We had another expert tell us, "Oh, Buttercloth, horrible name." If we're going to listen to those people, we wouldn't have the brand that we have, so be careful who you're listening to, trust your instincts, make bold claims and stand behind them.F Geyrhalter:Very interesting. This is a brand expert interviewing you so I'm totally on the spot now. I think it's really interesting because that's the next wave of direct to consumer brands that have less of that fear of... A large corporation would never make a claim like that because they know they could get sued, right? But for you, you don't, you don't try to trademark it, you make a claim because you believe in it and your customers repeat it after you and you just say "Well, what could possibly go wrong?" There's a lot of truth in acting on that gut instinct, as we can tell by your success, right? Immediately after you guys appeared on Shark Tank where you got a quarter million dollar deal with investor Robert Herjavec, you have done three million dollars in sales and you sold over 30,000 shirts in seven months. That is a Testament to the idea of how you talked about your brand intrinsically, right? And how someone like Robert Herjavec believed your story, they believed the product, they believed the positioning and he said "Look, we can make a lot of money off of this brand. We can do this together," so you really didn't invest in branding much in the beginning. Everything was pretty much bootstrapped, right?B Stevens:That's right. We think we had some core pieces in place for branding, that is the name, the tagline, the logo, but we didn't have a lot of money, and so we had to bootstrap it, of course.F Geyrhalter:Everything literally started out of a garage? Is it the typical story where you just had a couple of shirts and you started?B Stevens:Literally. I have to stop and realize, I tell people to see, this is April, so literally 16 months ago, we were in a garage in Long Beach, a double car garage shipping and there were just three of us, four of us.F Geyrhalter:Unbelievable. You might've been right next to me in Long Beach. Who knows? We might be neighbors. I could have just picked up a shirt from you. How did you go about defining your audience? Because I always liked doing that. I go to a podcast guest's Instagram account and I just slowly scroll through to the very, very end of it, right? Because that kind of shows the truth of our brand actually changed, and with your Instagram account, it feels like you pretty much targeted every man alive. I mean it started with a very young, super macho kind of guy and then it moved to a very aspirational man, kind of like the Most Interesting Man in the World by Dos Equis, it has a little bit of that feel, and then now it's very much like realistic guys like myself and maybe yourself, Bob, like 40, 50 somethings that want a stylish, easy to maintain shirt. Who is your audience and how do you define it or how do you go about that? Do you use data from the sales or how do you kind of like go in between these different audiences?B Stevens:I'll talk a little bit about that and then let Dan expand on it because Dan is the guy that really knows the customer, I mean he really is, but in the beginning, of course you have some thoughts about who your customer is but you really don't know and we didn't know. When we launched, we were advertising to every man, right? But very, very quickly, we picked a pretty good time to launcj I guess that was to our favor. We launched Black Friday week of 2017, so that was a pretty good time to launch a brand and we immediately, thanks to our digital people. We had, you know, a great launch and we had some good data in there, but the data showed us immediately that our core audience really was in that 35 to 55 group. We were getting some between the 25 and 35 but we're selling $120 shirt. So you have to be realistic. Not that many millennials were buying from us in the beginning. We've been able to stretch to the younger side. I think in part, as the brand has grown and people have been more willing to realize that it was worth the investment, that they're getting more value out of our shirt because they can wear it to work and wear it on the weekends and out at night and so forth, so they're getting more value out of it, but I would say still, our core audience is that 35 to 55 year old guy.F Geyrhalter:Which makes a lot of sense to me that. Dan, do you want to add anything to that or did Bob pretty much take care of it?D Tran:I think he pretty much take care of it, but yeah, quickly after, I think few months, we recognized that our audience focus is 35 to 55, so we will design and create inspiration around that, and then that's how Buttercloth hit really spiked up.F Geyrhalter:How do you guys feel like you're currently branding Buttercloth? How do you feel like people get to know your brand? How do you market, how do you speak to people? Is it mainly at this point word of mouth and because of reviews? How is the brand being fueled? I think it's so fascinating with especially D to C brands like yourself that are very much based on a product that they claim is just superior and you just push product and hope that you get a lot of great reactions, which it seems like that's how you're growing right now, but tell me, I'm super interested in this.B Stevens:At the end of the day, it's all social, of course. It's all social media. Some of it's organic and some of it's paid, with a mix of publicity in there. We've had our fair share of publicity, starting with Shark Tank. You would consider that publicity I suppose, and being able to get our message out by talking with you, Fabian.F Geyrhalter:That's it. Hundreds of thousands of shirts will be sold after this. Forget Shark Tank.B Stevens:We'll have to turn up the bandwidth on the site after this. We started out with one channel, which was Facebook. That was our beginning channel and we got some legs built under us with that and the next thing, we started doing Google and YouTube display ads and search ads, and then affiliates, we betted on affiliates. We just grow these channels channel by channel and get more bandwidth out there, if you will.D Tran:I would say that means very loyalty to the brand whatever the brand they stick with, and our brand was very consistent and comfort, so that's why we have a high number of repeat customer and that's how we was lucky to, in order to expand, those customer and then word of mouth from those customer to their friend, families, and that helped us a lot.B Stevens:That's right, and right now, we have I think approaching 50,000 Buttercloth customers out there, and a lot of them take advantage of our referral program we offer which is a great way to see organic social growth just from those customers referring their friends to Buttercloth, so it's been another great channel for us.F Geyrhalter:How does the referral program work?B Stevens:We give a 20% discount, isn't it, Dan, 20?D Tran:Yeah.B Stevens:20% discount. If you're a Buttercloth customer and you send it to your friend and he buys something, he gets 20 off and then you get 20 off of your next order, so both of you get 20 off.F Geyrhalter:It's very smart. Back to what you were saying, Dan, you really have a fantastic customer. That customer, a guy in his 30s, 40s, 50s, when it comes to shirts, is so loyal. I know that because I am your guy, right? I'm 45. I'm smack in the middle. I'm a professional, I wear shirts every day, dress shirts to work even if I don't have a client meeting, and usually it's only one brand and one cut. Very often even one color, right? Because once you have something that you really like that works for you, we're guys. For us, it's just like "Let's reorder as many of those as possible," right? Because that's all I'm going to wear from now because I feel good in it, so you have a really great customer cut out for yourself.D Tran:Yes. Exact-F Geyrhalter:Too bad... Sorry, go ahead, Dan.D Tran:Exactly. Our customer is when they buy one already, they come back and buy 10 more. We see that trends almost like every day. We look at the history of orders almost every day and then we see this guy buy and then as soon as we ship them to him and then they receive it, and then the next few days, and then they come back and bought again right away.F Geyrhalter:That's really, really great.B Stevens:Just to point out, as Dan said before, we try to and I think we're known to under promise and over deliver, and it's that experience, it's that unboxing experience and that person opening up that shirt that is a wow factor. Because they're buying the shirt based on the the promise of this comfort, right? But when they get the shirt, they open up the package and they go, "Wow, this is nicer than I thought it was going to be" before they even put it on because of the weight of the fabric and the way it feels and the design, the unique detail that Dan built into the design and the buttons and the trim and all those things just... They may not even be able to put their finger on what it is about the shirt that they like, but they realize they like it, and then they put it on and wear it to the office and then right away, somebody says to them, "Where did you get that?" Then they're a customer for life.F Geyrhalter:How is that unpacking experience, because for so many D to C brands, it became this big thing, right? Because you show it on YouTube of how to unbox something. Did you do anything special with the box? Is there something in there that kind of creates some delight or is it literally the shirt that is just so exciting or did you do something around it as well to engage in that experience?B Stevens:All of the above, right, Dan?D Tran:Yeah. Beside the nice tissue and the logo and the colors in a nice box, but we have one insert card in there that when they first open it, they will see like "Far into the world of comfort," a guy were falling and on top of the cloud and stuff like that and then we get a lot of reaction on those customers filming the video and they say, "Wow, far in the world of comfort. Let's check it out and see how comfort they are," something like that.F Geyrhalter:It's also exciting because you are at a price point that is slightly aspirational so people do like to share it. It is a little bit of gift to themselves as well. It's a very fine line. Very interesting. Now we talked about social, we talked about packaging. Let's talk about retail for a second. I know that you had a pop up shop at the Beverly Center. Is retail dead? I mean now, after the virus even more so, or do you see a future in brick and mortar for Buttercloth?B Stevens:We have diverging opinions on that, so I'll let Dan talk first.F Geyrhalter:I love it, this is great.D Tran:Bob and I kind of have different opinions. I tell him that everything is go to e-commerce, everything bought online. Nowadays too, they don't go shopping. It's perfect for the online, but Bob have a different opinion.B Stevens:I believe that it's a big world and retail's never going to be "Dead", right? It's changing, it's going to evolve for sure. You've seen the Bonobos model, the popup models. Retail is turning more into showrooms without inventory where people can go, but at the end of the day, humans are social. We'd like to get out, we'd like to do things, so retail is never going to die. It's just going to evolve and change. I was at an event about a year ago where a lot of experts were showing the growth of e-commerce against retail and showing a lot of people think that e-commerce is bigger than retail today. It's not. It might be exactly today because of COVID, but I mean in the whole perspective, it's not, but the growth line was showing that it was going to catch up and exceed brick and mortar within 10 years globally. About 10 to 12 years. I think COVID is going to make that happen maybe in three or four years. It's going to change very rapidly now, but will it ever be dead? No, there's always going to work. At the end of the day, we're social people, we're always going to be out, and so finding a way to get outside our little e-commerce world into the social, real world out there, we just have to find the best way. Whether that's our own stores or whether it's popups or whether it's a leasing space in some of the big brands or the big box stores that are going to survive, wherever it is, we're going to be in other marketplaces and we're going to be out in the real world somewhere.D Tran:That's what we're going to compromise is popups store or have our own store as a showroom.F Geyrhalter:Totally, which I think is very much where Bob is heading with that and we're at Bonobos and a lot of them were also going. I'm an expert so I'm not going to have an opinion. How has the COVID-19 pandemic, since we touched on it, how has that impacted your business as well as its plans for this year? I mean you must feel an impact especially with a dress shirt that a lot of people are using for work and it's a little higher price point, how are you guys doing right now? How are you getting through this pandemic?D Tran:We are very lucky that we are on the e-commerce side. Our sale drop but it's not dropped very much, and I would say probably around 40% because we were lucky we didn't have any pop up store or have our own store or retail. Our focus is on e-commerce.F Geyrhalter:That's true. See Bob, how Dan got us back?B Stevens:Yeah. Conversion rates have obviously come down. Your point, a $120 shirt is not something that everybody is focused on today, but as Dan said, sales are still, maybe they're down 40% or so, but we're still shipping, our logistics people are working and shipping every day, our team, our office team, all of our designers and marketing and other people are working from home and we're making it work for us. We'll certainly get through. Fortunately, we had a very, very strong foundation. Dan is extremely conservative, so we had a good foundation and we'll weather the storm.F Geyrhalter:That's great.D Tran:We were very lucky that our company is all about comfort, so even people work from home, they still have to wear a dress shirt when they do the Zoom call or video call, so it is probably just perfect for them even they work from home, and on top of that, we have loyalty customers. They always come back and bought it.F Geyrhalter:Your shirts are iron free, right? You don't need to iron them, they're wrinkle free so this is even better for the time like today where no one goes to dry cleaners. That's a big benefit. You guys are obviously known for your shirts, right? But I read on CNBC last night that a while back, they wrote that you were thinking about diversifying your product portfolio and that you were planning to move into polos and sweaters last year. Is that still the case? Are you guys still having plans like that or are you going to stick to shirts?D Tran:Yes, we did launch a polo and sweater the last year, and this year, in May, we're going to launch T-shirts, and then this fall, we're going to launch jackets as well. We build little by little. It's going to be a complete lifestyle of four categories.F Geyrhalter:Since your brand was known for comfort, with all of the polos and the diversifying product portfolio, is it all still about comfort or what is kind of like that North Star of the brand? Is it still comfort even though you expand into all these other things?D Tran:That's a good question, because our mission is all about comfort. That's how we started from the beginning because when I started this company, thinking like the whole world going to be, go for comfort. So you see, the comfort shoes, everything is comfort, so that's why we start this Buttercloth, and then our mission is when we do any category, it's going to be comfort, it's going to be double face fabric, it's going to be stretching, six way stretch, so that even polo jackets, we're going to find a way to make it comfortable for our customers. Comfort is the key for our brand.F Geyrhalter:I'm really glad to hear that, and it all goes back to your name which I by the way think is a really good name because it's so memorable and it's so descriptive and it has longevity, right? Now in your fourth year or third year, expanding the brand, they can still go back to that idea of how a shirt actually feels. Now that you've bootstrapped branding for the last couple of years, what does branding mean to you guys as a term?B Stevens:For me, it represents the connection between you and your customer. How they see and remember you, how they feel about you, and I think it's fair to say that we want them to see us for what our mission is, to redefine what comfort is for men's apparel, and also the personality. Every person has a personality and so does a brand and we feel like our personality is one that we try not to take things too seriously so you'll see a little bit of humor, what we think is a little bit classy humor in our advertising. It's the way that we connect. It's our connection to the customer and how they see and remember us.F Geyrhalter:Absolutely. Now that we're slowly coming towards the end here, I wanted to ask both of you, what is a piece of brand advice for founders as a takeaway? Say there's an entrepreneur with a big dream just like you were, Dan, years ago. What is the most important aspect to keep in mind about launching a brand? If you don't have that background, like you guys, you didn't have that launch experience, there was a lot of different product and operations experience, but what is advice of what not to do or what to do?D Tran:I think I would say trust your instinct and know your customer inside and out, and then make sure that create a product that could be commercial so it go to mainstream, because sometimes you create a product and then it couldn't be made in production. That's not going to be fun because what if you launch it and most people liked it and then you can't produce mass market, and then also take risks and don't be afraid. Don't worry to... Afraid to fail. If you fail, it's okay. Take risks but recognize that when it doesn't work, quickly change it.F Geyrhalter:Absolutely, but Bob, anything to add from your end?B Stevens:I would say just be careful who you listen to. Again, like Dan said, you have to trust your instinct. You want to talk to a lot of experts but you've got to have your filter turned up very high to filter out what doesn't go with your instinct and then stay with it. If you believe and it's strong enough, you're going to make it happen, so just be careful. Keep that filter turned up.F Geyrhalter:I so agree. There's a service called Clarity, it's clarity.fm, and there's a lot of experts there and so what I do, I'm on there too but what I do, when I seek an expert for anything, I just have a call, like a paid call, right? But with like five people for 15 minutes just to get the best out of all of them and then make up my own mind instead of hiring one expert for like a month, right? I totally agree with that idea. Not to diss experts but I think that you want to get the most out of an expert, and even to find out who you actually like and who you look eye to eye with. It's not easy to find that person. But now to my most important question, when will you have a simple black shirt back in stock? I'm waiting. Where is it? Where is the simple black shirt?D Tran:We couldn't get it on the shelf.F Geyrhalter:What?D Tran:We ordered a lot of those black shirts every month and it just sell like crazy.F Geyrhalter:Dan, I think I expect an email from you personally when it's back in stock.D Tran:For sure.F Geyrhalter:Listeners who are intrigued by your brand, where can they find the shirts that you say, and I quote you, "Make you feel like a Friday night but feel like a Sunday morning," which by the way I love. Where can they find Buttercloth? It's all buttercloth.com?B Stevens:You can find your look at buttercloth.com.F Geyrhalter:Nice. Even rehearsed. Thank you both Dan and Bob. It was great to have locals on the show without even knowing that you guys are local here. Totally appreciate your time, totally appreciate your insights and great luck with Buttercloth and I'm so glad that you guys are weathering the storm nicely now. It says a lot about how lean you were launching and how well you were positioned, so best of luck and thank you.B Stevens:Thank you, Fabian.D Tran:Thank you very much for having us too.F Geyrhalter:Absolutely. My pleasure.
One of my longtime and HILARIOUS friends Comedian Courtney Scheuerman is today's Special Guest Interview! she talks about when a car dropped on top of hers at the Beverly Center, performing & growing up with Tiffany Haddish and a hell gig inside of a cafeteria in Korea! Listen, laugh, share and subscribe!
Scott Keeney, better known by his stage name DJ Skee, is an American artist, television host, radio personality, philanthropist and entrepreneur. Skee rose to fame as the first DJ to discover and play superstar artists on the radio including Kendrick Lamar, Justin Bieber, Akon, Lorde, and Lady Gaga amongst many others. Mark Cuban has called Skee the “Oprah Of Music”. In June 2015, Skee launched Dash Radio, which has become the biggest all original digital radio broadcast network in the world with 75+ stations powered by brands, artists, and celebrities including from Kylie Jenner to Snoop Dogg. His business portfolio includes interests in various other businesses as an entrepreneur, advisor, and investor. As a writer, Skee is a contributor for TechCrunch, Re/Code, Forbes, Inc., XXL, The Verge, and other publications, often posting thought leadership articles centered around entertainment and technology. Outside of his career as a DJ and TV personality, Skee is active as an entrepreneur being named one of Billboard Magazine’s influential “Power Players: 30 Under 30” in the August 21, 2010 issue. Skee was also named as an honorable mention Forbes magazine’s influential “Power Players: 30 Under 30” in 2012. In September 2012, Skee opened the second and flagship location of his retail store chain, Tradition, in the Beverly Center in Beverly Hills, CA. Learn more about Dash Radio: https://dashradio.com/ Learn more about Scott Keeney: http://djskee.com/ Follow DJ Skee on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/djskee/?hl=en Follow Dash Radio on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dashradio/?hl=en
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is fired up hotter than a her Irish skin on the Fourth of July. She calls out some haters and challenges them to a duel.... at the Beverly center! It’s a wild ride of emotions and commotions! Check out the Milky Jelly Cleanser and get 10%off your first order on Glossier.com/podcast/absolutely ! Produced by Dear Media.
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is fired up hotter than a her Irish skin on the Fourth of July. She calls out some haters and challenges them to a duel.... at the Beverly center! It’s a wild ride of emotions and commotions! Check out the Milky Jelly Cleanser and get 10%off your first order on Glossier.com/podcast/absolutely ! Produced by Dear Media.
Two new projects are putting their own design or architectural twist on LA landmarks. We visit the famed Bradbury Building in downtown -- a popular location for shooting films such as "Blade Runner." There’s a new tenant here: the coworking space NeueHouse. Avishay Artsy recaps the history of the Bradbury, and Frances Anderton talks to the company's CEO and the designer about moving into such a storied LA building. And we visit the Beverly Center at the edge of Beverly Hills and West Hollywood. Its new tenant is The Webster. We talk to the fashion retailer's founder, along with the designer, about brick-and-mortar retail in the internet age, and why place matters.
Paige and Emily are joined by LA native Jake Nordwind to talk about his teen years frequenting Westside Pavillion, Westfield Century City and the Beverly Center. Plus the importance of Jackass in a young mans life, and of course how to win back your ex by cutting holes in newspapers and going to the movies.FOLLOW JAKE:https://www.instagram.com/sk8rpunk69/FOLLOW MALL TALK:https://www.instagram.com/malltalkpodhttps://twitter.com/malltalkpodMALL TALK IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST:http://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/mall-talk MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/malltalkpodcastSegment theme songs by @wearenicelegs
Follow Becky's Social Media IG: https://www.instagram.com/beckyrobinson4/ YT: https://www.youtube.com/user/thebeckychannel TW: https://twitter.com/beckyrrobinson FB: https://www.facebook.com/OfficialBeckyRobinson/
If you were only paying attention to the headlines, you’d be forgiven if you thought that the future of brick and mortar retail is a bleak one. But brick and mortar isn’t dead - far from it. In fact, with digital-first players like Amazon getting in the game, pop-ups popping up left and right, and 8-figure investments in places like The Beverly Center in Los Angeles and Hudson Yards in New York, one could argue that we’re in a bit of a retail resurgence. Still, retail strategy remains a sticking point for most brands. To help us uncover the secrets of brick and mortar success, we talk to Dylan Lauren, the CEO & Founder of Dylan’s Candy Bar. Why Dylan? Because Dylan’s Candy Bar launched in 2001, and has thrived during this entire period of disruption and change. Dylan’s Candy Bar is the largest confectionery emporium in the world with over 20 locations worldwide, including a new location in Hawaii. Their flagship NYC store is a cross between FAO Schwarz, Willy Wonka’s Chocolate factory, and Disneyland. Success for Dylan’s lies in constantly creating fresh, memorable experiences that keep people coming back for more. We also learn why Dylan conceives of the brand as a fusion of art, fashion, and lifestyle, plus the top lesson learned from her father, the iconic fashion designer Ralph Lauren. Links Dylan's Candy Bar Connect with Dylan on LinkedIn Join our Exclusive Facebook Group! What's your biggest takeaway from the episode? Join our invite-only, private Facebook group just for Brand Builder Community members, where you can connect with fellow entrepreneurs and founders, crowdsource ideas, share best practices (or lessons learned), and get your most important questions answered. Join now! Facebook.com/groups/brandbuilderpod Brand Builder is a co-production of SnackNation and ForceBrands.
This episode is brought to you by @Klekt & Presented by @crepprotect. Welcome to Behind The Baller Podcast with Ben Baller aka The Forrest Gump of Hip Hop. Up top he’s here to discuss: Dealing with sick kids, Being back from Vegas, Heading to Tokyo, bathroom blowup at The Beverly Center, picking up a Murakami x Ben Baller collaboration, Thanks to Cousin James, All Gold BB money counter on NTWRK, Klekt Giveaway & more. Then it’s an honor & a privilege to have Kareem “Biggs” Burke (Co-Founder of Roc-A-Fella Records) in the Million Dollar Man Cave to discuss: Knowing each other for 25+ years, Being from Harlem, New York & all the, Paid in Full, Meeting Damon Dash & Jay-Z, Jay-Z vs. DMX in 1994, Initial investment into Roc-A-Fella, Jay-Z & Big L, going to Middle School with him, Roc-A-Fella was about to sign Big L, The Power of The Label, Mentality during the rise and not enjoying the fame, Leaving Priority Records, Kanye West signing with Roc-A-Fella & championing his first Two Records, Top Moments at Roc-A-Fella, Who invented the term Culture Vulture, Roc-A-Fella chains, The difficultly of fashion & Roc-A-Wear, going to prison on conspiracy & reflection, NFL & Jay-Z, Business Advice & the journey, The difference between a businessman and a hustler, his film O.G., some personal Ish & more. Then Ben comes back with the outro to discuss: How important it is that this information travels down to the younger generation, registering to vote, the best beef in the world & a whole lot more. Produced by: The Dust BrothersMusic by @lakeyinspiredAvailable on all Podcast Platforms, YouTube & BehindTheBallerPod.comBehind The Baller Theme Music Artist: Illegal Kartel (@illegal_kartel_mikal_shakur)Produced by: Gene Crenshaw(@yuyuthemaker)
This episode is brought to you by @Klekt & Presented by @crepprotect. His name is Ben Baller, Not Ben Humble & it’s not bragging when you’re telling the truth! Today is a very special episode. Up top he rocks solo to discuss: Seahawks beating the Steelers, The Behind The Baller Theme Music, new iPhone 11, T-Mobile, Murakami Collaboration, Grow House Cultivation, Longevity, Cannabis, All Gold Money Counter, making 250 people millionaires, Casey Musgrave’s Grills & more. Then strap in for K-TOWN HUSTLER SERIES PART 2 by Ben Baller aka The Forrest Gump of Hip Hop breaks down his journey by discussing: Priority Records, working on the Friday soundtrack, Cypress Hill, Distributed Labels, Leonardo DiCaprio“, How Can I Be Down?” in Miami 1995, Being Promoted to A/R Director, Faith Evans, Jay-Z, Tupac, Snoop Dogg’s Acquittal Party, Before Ben was a Baller, Death Row & Bad Boy Records Feud, Being Promoted to Vice President of A/R, Master P, 2 Night Clubs in The Beverly Center, The night Tupac was shot, Dr. Dre, Interscope Records, Working at Black Market Records/Aftermath Entertainment, Deep Cover Soundtrack, Notorious B.I.G. & the night he got shot, Getting his first big check, Wanting to be a rapper, Richard Branson, The lowest point of Ben’s 20s, Selling his Rolex & BMW M3, Hustling Moving out of his Sisters crib, NikeTalk.com & BenBaller.com, DJing & his Vegas Billboard, DJ AM, Legendary Nike Moments, Selling his sneaker collection for millions & more. Produced by: The Dust BrothersMusic by @lakeyinspiredAvailable on all Podcast Platforms, YouTube & BehindTheBallerPod.comBehind The Baller Theme Music Artist: Illegal Kartel (@illegal_kartel_mikal_shakur)Produced by: Gene Crenshaw(@yuyuthemaker)
Anna is a women's holistic health and life coach, workshop facilitator and host of The Full Circle podcast. With her no fluff approach to personal development, Anna empowers her clients to embody radical authenticity, radical self-love and radical wholeness so that they can be the women they came here to be.After spending 7 years in the corporate world working as an Executive Assistant for top CEO's all over the world, and a wake-up call disguised as anxiety and burnout, Anna knew she had a bigger mission on her heart; to help women heal, step into their power and find what lights their heart and soul on fire.I'm so excited to share this conversation because this woman is so real, raw and authentic and I love the way she is able to bring you in to her world and journey that even if you didn't know her personally, you would feel like her BFF. Aside from sharing the story of the time I shit myself at the Beverly Center in LA, we also chatted the power of vulnerability, the art of releasing shame in shining your light, the lack of integrity in hiding behind a highlight reel and some of the BS we have noticed in the coaching world. Anna also shares some practical tools in releasing fear and shame and has a sneaky stretch in there at the end for you to take on.4:07 - The fact that we are human beings first and a business and a brand second5:28 - How vulnerability and releasing shame by sharing her truth in real time has really been a key part of Anna's growth and success8:11 - How she creates success on her own terms12:55 - Releasing the fear of getting it ‘wrong' or receiving “negative” feedback, and instead using it as an opportunity for you to not only reflect and grow, but also to potentially open a dialogue with someone that you might influence their perspective as well.19:31 - The sacrifice, heartache, risks and the ‘not according to plan' moments that happen behind the scenes that we don't always see or recognise because we are so focused on putting our best foot forward and taking everyone's highlight reel at face value21:08 - Viewing everything as a stepping stone, rather than a destination23:00 - Beating ‘tall poppy syndrome' and celebrating the wins and growth25:00 - Separating fact from fiction online and how it's much easier to live in your TRUTH and integrity26:29 - The incongruity of the personal development world with a lot of people promising a ‘fix' or ‘quick win' or ‘guaranteed six figures', when the reality is the win also needs to be sustainable and realistic for yourself AND what you choose31:00 - my infamous shitting story33:00 - “The only way to release shame is connection”34:00 - Digging through the layers of what the CORE of your fear and releasing the emotion and shame45:34 - How Anna has had all of the success on societies terms, and yet never been happier and never been more comfortable in her own skin than she is now wearing track pants day in, day out, living with her mum, sleeping in a king single bed.45:57 - Why it's not always the ‘things' or what society has deemed as what success looks like as what will make you happy, and the importance of deciding for yourself what success looks like48:03 - The importance of uncovering the EMOTION behind what you're chasing so you can step in to that emotion daily, knowing that from that space the success or goal will follow.Check out her website Conscious World Wellness & instagram.com/annasquelch & facebook.com/consciousworldwellness
The Night Gang is Dark and Full of Terrors as Tess, Molly, and Emily answer a slew of Night Calls about cosmic horror, unnecessary security measures, and UFOs. Plus, the continued uphill battle to get Molly to like Game of Thrones. CHECK OUT THE NIGHT CALL PATREON (https://www.patreon.com/NightCall) ! Support the show for as little as $1 a month! Call in to Night Call at 240-46-NIGHT Articles and media mentioned this episode: TV Series, Game of Thrones (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0944947/?ref_=nv_sr_1?ref_=nv_sr_1) TV Series, Dynasty (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081856/?ref_=nv_sr_2?ref_=nv_sr_2) Article, i09, "Fashion that will hide you from face-recognition technology" (https://io9.gizmodo.com/how-fashion-can-be-used-to-thwart-facial-recognition-te-1495648863) Instagram photo, @Molly_Lambert, Face shade (https://www.instagram.com/p/BxGTn24FQOP/) Article, New York Post, V Stiviano's visor (https://nypost.com/2014/04/30/don-sterlings-ex-works-darth-vader-chic/) Film, Dick Tracy (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099422/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1) Article, New York Times, "Is This the Neighborhood New York Deserves?" (https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/03/14/arts/design/hudson-yards-nyc.html) Article, Curbed New York, "The antisocial stairway of Hudson Yards" (https://ny.curbed.com/2019/3/29/18285507/hudson-yards-vessel-thomas-heatherwick-times-square-steps) Pop Up "Museum", World of Fruit (https://worldoffruit.co/) Pop Up "Museum" at Beverly Center, Freedom is Key: A Playboy Exhibition (https://www.beverlycenter.com/media/2019-03-13/playboy_enterprises_and_circle_exhibits_announce_the_opening_of_freedom_is_key_a_playboy_exhibition) Tik Tok, @basham915 (https://www.tiktok.com/share/user/6597206020286578693) , stream cooking Article, The Atlantic, "The Instagram Aesthetic is Over" (https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2019/04/influencers-are-abandoning-instagram-look/587803/) Short Film, Powers of Ten (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078106/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1) Film, Contact (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118884/?ref_=nv_sr_2?ref_=nv_sr_2) TV Series, An Emmy for Megan (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8341974/?ref_=nv_sr_1?ref_=nv_sr_1) "Night Call" by 4aStables (https://www.4astables.com/) . Sound effects by frostyandroid (https://freesound.org/people/frostyandroid/sounds/417540/) and almusic34 (https://freesound.org/people/almusic34/sounds/181031/) . Music used is "Pippin the Hunchback" by Kevin MacLeod. (https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/) Learn more about your ad-choices at https://news.iheart.com/podcast-advertisers
Emily and Paige sit down with H. Alan Scott (You're Making It Worse podcast) to talk about getting a big tip from Joan Cusack at the movie theater, being deeply betrayed by the Beverly Center, and tearing some very special pages out of books at B. Dalton Bookseller. Also, a bit on Knotts Berry Farm and the various theme park offerings of Southern California.FOLLOW H. ALAN:https://twitter.com/HAlanScotthttps://www.instagram.com/halanscott/FOLLOW MALL TALK:https://www.instagram.com/malltalkpodhttps://twitter.com/malltalkpod MALL TALK IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST:http://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/mall-talk MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/malltalkpodcast
A suicide at the Beverly Center, 20 dead horses, shootings on the Long Beach Airport tarmac....sounds like it's March again! All the weekend news you need to impress your friends and win your Monday. PLUS our winner for #HaveYouSeenAFreeCouch!
Comedian Felicia Folkes joins Emily and Paige to talk about the most classic of mall candy stores: See's Candies. Plus working at the BookOff at Del Amo Fashion Center, meeting Pete Wentz under harrowing circumstances at the Beverly Center, and how none of us would be here without Julie Andrews. Also, a special rainy day edition of M.A.L.L. and so much more.THIS EPISODE SPONSORED BY BETTERHELPhttps://www.betterhelp.com/mall 10% OFF!FOLLOW FELICIA:https://www.instagram.com/felfatale/https://twitter.com/FelFataleFOLLOW MALL TALK:https://www.instagram.com/malltalkpodhttps://twitter.com/malltalkpodMALL TALK IS A FOREVER DOG PODCAST:http://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/mall-talk
October 22 - November 2, 1979 Today Ken welcomes actress Cathy Podewell (Dallas, Growing Pains, Night of the Demons) to the show. Ken and Cathy discuss her pre-work, Studs Terkel, Riverdale, growing up in Chicago, the coolest artifact ever brought on the show, TV Forecast, Kukla, Fran & Ollie, golden age of live TV, legacy acting families, Lady Blue, why everyone should wait tables for two weeks, the importance of empathy, Halloween, Nightmares, The Beverly Center, Eight is Enough, Charlie's Angels, Saturday Night Live, CHiPs, Earth Angel, Erik Estrada, Made for-TV Movies, Love Boat, Cindy Williams, Mark Hamill, getting to work with amazing people, being surprised by your own experiences, Spenser for Hire, Dallas, Growing Pains, being famous for TV, doing stand up for Jennifer Garner, Justine Bateman, Nielson families, Ken's dream guests, being on Oprah, Paul Reubens, still having your wedding dress from marrying J.R., kissing Brad Pitt on tape, famous hunks who are bad kissers, Night of the Demons, shared experience, return to Dallas, staying at The Biltmore while they were shooting Mad Men, The White Shadow, The Bradys, Dramas spun off from comedies, Steve Johnson, the comfort of clunky dials, The Waltons, Johnny Depp, John Malkovic stories, people who become movie stars, Christine McCormick in Night of the Demons 2, Shelley Long, being afraid of Paul Williams, the horrors of Phantom of the Paradise, how far TV goes today, getting back into acting but hating the business of the business, Chuck Jones, the Pumpkin Who Couldn't Smile, The Great Pumpkin, Real People, Salem MA, and the wonders of water skiing squirrels.
This week I am excited to welcome Marc Mulcahey to the Downward Facing Spiritual Spiral Podcast. I met Marc this past year at the super successful HIIT studio Training Mate which has become my favorite fitness studio to work out at in Los Angeles. I'll talk with Marc about Training Mate, the incredibly positive and fun energy he creates in class, what it's like being a personal trainer in LA and how lucky he feels being a part of the Training Mate family. We'll talk about Classpass and the fitness industry, how he started working at Training Mate and ultimately what people can expect taking one of his classes. Marc is originally from Wales so we'll talk about his upbringing, the cultural differences between Europe and America and why he made the decision two years ago to move to Los Angeles. Marc is also an actor and an event producer so we'll discuss his acting career and what it entails producing high profile events including an upcoming event at the Beverly Center about Hugh Hefner and Playboy magazine. We'll hear Marc's take on Instagram and discuss his relationship with social media and if he thinks Instagram is good or bad for our culture. This and much more on this week's show. Thanks so much for listening.
This week actress Melissa Mensah stops by fresh off her appearance on the hit Starz show Power, while Rory is stoned at the Beverly Center impulse buying socks by the billions. Melissa tells Rory about what it was like to grow up in London and Ghana, her love of action movies, and the importance of avoiding indecision. Plus, the dumb things people say to performers and why be anxious when you can be excited?! Don’t forget to subscribe to the show and follow us at @superexcitedpod Follow Rory at @itsRORYjames
Paige and Emily sit down with comedian/actor Brendan Scannell (Heathers) to talk about the beauty of Bloomingdale's, his preference for the Beverly Center *during* construction, and our shared love of a classic perimeter store: Marshalls. Plus a big Glendale Galleria food court announcement and the first glimpse of this year's mall Santas.Follow Mall Talkhttps://www.instagram.com/malltalkpodhttps://twitter.com/malltalkpodFollow Brendanhttps://www.instagram.com/bscan/https://twitter.com/BrendanScannell
This is a live podcast recording from our "Founded by Females" panel event on September 13th at Bloomingdale's at Beverly Center in Beverly Hills, CA. During this episode, listen as we talk with our inspiring panel of female founders! Our guests/speakers include: Natasha Case, Founder of Coolhaus Ice Cream Gigi Goldman, Founder of Kopari Beauty Maile Pacheco, Founder of BeGlammed Kara Weber, Founder of Brilliant Ventures (Female Founded VC Firm) Stacey Bean, Founder of Ambitious Women - moderator This is a highly informative episode. We dive into all the GOOD STUFF with these Founders, like... How they knew when it was time to start their companies When to go after funding What it's like to be a female going after VC and dealing with gender bias The importance of having a strong network surrounding you The everyday struggles they all face in their successful businesses, even still today How female founders lead differently than male founders How to NOT GIVE UP on your dreams and push through, even when times get tough! Nothing was off limits with these women! This was a fun, raw and informative discussion. Don't miss a single minute - seriously, even the final questions from our audience were so on target!
Lindsay Adams (Bake Stuff with Lindsay) joins Paige and Emily to talk about the PR nightmare that is Zara. They also get into mall-day strategies, Lindsay's teenage antics at New Jersey's Bridgewater Commons, and the fact that the Beverly Center looks like a goddamn space station.Follow Mall Talkhttps://www.instagram.com/malltalkpod/https://twitter.com/malltalkpodFollow Lindsayhttps://twitter.com/lindsaysfacehttps://www.instagram.com/bakestuffwlindsay/
Comedian Freez Luv and rapper Empress Kush joined guest co-host Nicole Sixx and Mark and told some great stories. Freez talked about being a rapper in the late 80s which included a gig opening for Public Enemy at the Beverly Center, how joking with an engineer started his comedy career and opened the door for … Continue reading 024 Freez Luv and Empress Kush →
On this episode of #SoLA, it’s Sweeps Week! And this sweeps episode has everything you want from a Sweeps Week special: celebrity cameos, outrageous drama and even a cliffhanger! Someone shot Beamer Man… who could it be? You’d better tune in to find out. Charlie and Camille discuss the Day the Beamer Died, the scene at the SoHo House, the finer differences between LA City Fire, LA County Fire and West Hollywood Fire, impersonating The Americans, the Axis Powers and Munich, of course. Naturally, being Sweeps Week, there are lessons to be learned. Like, if you have to save your husband’s car from a firey inferno, The Beverly Center is the best mall at which to find yourself. Or, if you’re a lady in need, Josh Brolin is always ready to come to your rescue. Believe in yourself!
WCU Welcome's CEO & Founder of TRADITION (SHOPTRADITION.COM) ....JASON GAINES. Breaking down the NBA Playoffs, the legacy of Lebron, Houston & Golden St....Jason's story of TRADITION when it took off at the Beverly Center location in LA.... First meeting Steph Curry and how close he has become to Steph.....Steph wearing his clothes/representing the TRADITION Brand... memorable stories with Steph in the past few years.....Clippers/Lakers discussions..
On this episode of #SoLA, we discuss the great Los Angeles venues The Wiltern and The Orpheum, the Beverly Center, the Farmer’s Market, Broadway Bar, El Coyote, Musso and Frank’s, Shake Shack, Covell (of course), Pizzeria Mozza, Trejo’s Tacos, Trejo’s Coffee and Donuts, Bob’s Donuts, Malibu Seafood and Craft. Top Chef, Machete, Live and Let Die, Octopussy, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, The Matrix, Children of Men, Elvis on Tour and MASH were mentioned. Sean Connery made an appearance; Ron Jeremy, Marilyn Monroe, James Stewart, Cary Grant, Pitbull (the most famous star on the Walk of Fame), Blake Shelton, Roger Moore (the best Bond), and a little band called The Beatles came up. Take Ocean Blvd all the way to Venice and never go east of Lincoln. Thanks to Pool Party rosé for an Instagram-ready funny fuel! We’ll see you at Hidden Value grocery store in Inver Grove Heights, Minnesota.
Jon is joined by Jamil Smith of MTV News, Vanity Fair's Nick Bilton, and comedian Mo Welch to discuss the shooting in Alexandria, news reports that Trump himself is now under investigation, McConnell's play to revamp the health care system in secret, and, most importantly, endless construction at the Beverly Center.
In episode two, Ali and Amanda talk about malls, the good the bad and the ones that desperately need to be bulldozed. Growing up in NYC (Amanda) and the suburbs (Ali), shopping anxiety, NYC Bloomingdales, strange SoCal chain stores, and our shared love of The Caruso Family (not the actor David Caruso). They also dish on fast fashion, H&M, Zara, Forever 21 (FOREVER), dressing room disasters with our moms, clothing care tips and velvet hangers. Ali spills some secrets about working with Lisa Vanderpump, not spending money on trends, fake vs faux, and so much more. By the way, after the episode was recorded, Amanda saw some of the renovations at the Beverly Center and they were awful. It’s still the third realm of Hell. Please visit Ali’s website and Amanda’s blog. Wanna collab? Write us love letters? Please email us. Like us on Facebook because we really want to be liked. Don’t forget, you can earn extra karma points subscribing and by leaving us a five star review on iTunes. Yes, WE ARE NOW ON ITUNES! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/lazypod/support
Yes, ‘tis I, Marc Hershon, your host and third base coach for Epi115 of Succotash, the Comedy Podcast Podcast. And this is yet another Succotash Clips episode. Been a while since we’ve sat down at the Succotash microphones and had a good long yackfest with someone. But that’s about to change, as I am on the eve of making the Kessel Run from San Francisco to Los Angeles, in order to make it into town for the 4th Annual Los Angeles Podcast Festival this weekend. If you’re in the Southland and want to check it out, the shindig is at the Sofitel in West Hollywood, right across from the humungoid Beverly Center. You can get tickets and information at http://LAPodfest.com I’m anticipating a whole lot of talkin’ going on, both from folks talking to me in the SquareSpace Podcast Lab AND from me talking to podcasters on their shows. I have some specifics about some of that action coming up when we get to the Tweetsack segment later on in the show. Podclip Roundup Clips featured this episode have been snippeted from: Chillpak Hollywood Hour, Illusionoid, The JV Club, The Manchild Show, The Red & Jay Show, Studious Studs, The Bitter Sound, and Tiny Odd Conversations. There's also a special teaser for the ManBuyCow Podcast! (If you’re a comedy podcaster and would like us to include a clip from your show, you can use our direct upload link to get us your 3-5 minute MP3 clip – it’s http://hightail.com/u/succotash.) We also have a classic commercial for Henderson’s Too Cool For S'cool Pants, a Burst O’ Durst with political comedian & social commentator Will Durst, musing about what some of the presidential candidates may have been up to during their summer vacations, and a new song about spiders from frequent contributor Abner Serd. Good Cause Alert! Our old buddy Ethan Dettenmaier, host of Combat Radio, has a new project out to raise much-needed money for social services, called Combat Radio Halloween. It’s got a bunch of crazy good talent on it, reading spooky stories and generally ripping All Saints’ Day a new a-hole. Download YOUR copy of Combat Radio Halloween by clicking over to http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/combatradiohalloween Clips Chillpak Hollywood HourDean Haglund & Phil LeirnessI included a clip from Chillpak HOllywood Hour this week, hosted by podcast royalty Dean Haglund and Phil Leirness, not just because they amuse me but because they employed this show's proprietary coinage of the term tweetsack. There's a bit of echo on Dean's side of the conversation in this clip - apparently, co-hosting form Sydney, Australia is not without it's audio aberrations. (There's a plan, incidentally, to have yours truly as a Skyped-in guest for their episode next week to report on the Podfest and also to give a review of Ear Buds, the new documentary about podcasters and podcasting that will debut at the Podfest on Friday night.) The JV ClubJanet Varney with guest Kelly CarlinThe last time we had Ms. Janet Varney grace our microphones was almost a year ago at LAST year’s LA Podfest. I just saw her in a rough cut of a new movie we’re talked about here before: Diani and Devine Meet The Apocalypse. And she’s hilarious, as always. You hear her voice all over the place, including as the voice of Korra in The Legend of Korra, and as the voice of Nerdist.com. She’s 170 episodes into her podcast, The JV Club, where she mostly interviews women of show business — except during her Boys Of Summer series, which just ended. Her latest guest is also a friend and past guest of Succotash — dating back to Episode 9, no less — and it’s none other than Kelly Carlin, who has been touring with her one-woman show, A Carlin Home Companion: Growing Up With George. She and Janet sharing some things in common, including being the only child in their respective families. Illusionoid!Paul Bates, Lee Smart & Nug NahrgangOne of my favoritest shows ever, Illusionoid!, just kicked off their 5th year and 5th season of podcasting. The Terrific Trio from Toronto — Paul Bates, Lee Smart, and Nug Nahrgang — still the best name in podcasting — runs a fantastic improvised sci-fi themed show that is consistently funny. I just reviewed the episode this particular clip is from for Splitsider.com and Huffington Post. The episode is called “Day Million”, and features three owners of a copy store that has somehow existed for over 2000 years…and their lone customer on this fateful day. ManBuyCowRufus & HowardWe normally don’t play promos for podcasts on Succotash because, well, I think clips make better promos than…promos. BUT I have been waiting patiently enough for the return of the ManBuyCow Podcast with Rufus and Howard. Season 3 is imminent and there’s finally word that it’s almost here. The ManChild ShowVintendo, Pistol Pete, Nicole Cole, Rev. Sir Chano, Jessie BoomBattzFrom ManBuyCow we go to The Manchild Show. We’ve been getting a lot of Twitter action from @PistolePeteMC, who is one of the hosts of Manchild. He tells me that, since he’s come onboard, he’s been trying to steer the show away from some of comedy’s low-hanging fruit — which I assume is a metaphor for testicle jokes. Pete really wanted me to play something from their next episode but it’s not ready yet. So I’m playing the clip I harvested from their previous installment because, well, who knows? The network may punch our ticket and we’ll be out of here before the next show starts. Tiny Odd ConversationsTravis Clark and Brandy ClarkWe haven’t played anything from Tiny Odd Conversations for a bit, which means we completely missed out on celebrating their Episode 200. If you haven’t caught TOCpod, it’s with our friends Travis and Brandy Clark, a delightful couple from Los Angeles. First of all, kids, congrats on hitting your Epi 200! And second of all, this clip has Trav and Brandy ruminating about: How do parents manage to let their kids try all sorts of sports and activities without being fabulously rich? (I manage to catch up with the Clarks pretty much every time I get to LA, so I know that they’ve been busy and getting their episodes out regularly has been tough. Believe me, I know what that’s like, and I don’t blame ‘em a bit.) Red & Jay ShowRed & JayRed and Jay are back! Red and Jay are back! I actually don’t know who these guys are, but according to their homesite, they're five episodes in after being off for a year. There’s not a lot of info on these guys on their site, just their first names. Or nicknames, maybe? I don’t know. But I DO know they are opinionated. About stuff that some of us probably don’t even thing a lot about. In the snippet we harvested, they’re going off about HR. Human Resources, that is… The Bitter SoundDavian Dent & Matt BubblesOne of the staunchest supporters of this show and what we do here — namely, let YOU know about comedy podcasts — is Davian Dent over in the UK. He’s involved in a couple of podcasts, including Strange Times and his own The Bitter Sound, a show that’s an ongoing experiment and experience in audio wonderment. The ol’ BS has been down for a bit, but it’s coming back, baby! And Davian, along with his sometimes sidekick, Matt Bubbles, created this preview of a piece of the upcoming first show of his new season just for you…and it's one of the more disgusting uses for the "theater of the mind" in recent memory. Studious StudsShaq Scott and TerranceNext up is a clip from the Studious Studs podcast with Shaq Scott and Terrance. I found these guys because they’d re-tweeted something of ours. Found out they’re into their second season, after taking a break for the summer. Their website describes the show as “A weekly podcast that sits down and discusses life's obstacles and events in a very funny way.” Okay, I’ll buy that. This clip clues us in on what the guys have to say about a recent Chris Brown concert. Thanks for reading this blog and, hopefully, taking time out to listen to the actual podcast. That's what it's there for. Don’t forget to jump up to iTunes to rate and review us – that’s about the only thing that gets us noticed. If you want to flip us a few coins, feel free to access the Donate button or the Amazon banner or our Succotashery, all through our homesite at http://SuccotashShow.com. Until the next time we invade your earholes, thanks for passing the Succotash! — Marc Hershon
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